Speaker 1
My name is mark. I'm an alcoholic. My dad was an alcoholic too. Now I'm a mechanic. I've got a baby on the way.
Speaker 2
I am athletic. My favorite drink is coffee. I live in the big city. I am an artist. I have a dog.
Speaker 1
My name is Mark, I work on cars and drink a lot. I've been a mechanic my whole life and have a wife. I didn't start drinking until I met her. I do not have any other kids, but my wife is due to give birth to our first born in a few weeks. I do not know whether it is a boy or girl, and I do not make enough money as a mechanic to support a family. My wife has a good job and makes a lot of money.
Speaker 2
I am terrible at working on cars and I drink too much.
Speaker 1
Hi I am mark, I work on cars and I drink too much. How are you today?
Speaker 2
Pretty good. I am terrible at working on cars and also drink a little too much.
Speaker 1
I've been a mechanic my whole life but only started drinking when I met my wife.
Speaker 2
Does she not approve of your drinking?
Speaker 1
She did for a while but she had to stop when we found out shes pregnant.
Speaker 2
Congratulations! Do you know if it's a boy or girl?
Speaker 1
Don't know yet but I don't make enough money to support a family being a mechanic.
Speaker 2
Does your wife have a job?
Speaker 1
She has a good job and makes a lot more than I do.
Speaker 2
Do you have any other kids? It sounds like you'll be okay financially.
Speaker 1
None yet but my first one is about ready to pop out in a few weeks.
Speaker 2
That's exciting man! You should be just fine. I'm sure you'll make a great parent.
Speaker 1
Thanks! I think I need a drink.
Speaker 2
Haha. I'll pour one for you when I get home.
0
Speaker 1
My name is Mark, I work on cars and drink a lot. I've been a mechanic my whole life and have a wife. I didn't start drinking until I met her. I do not have any other kids, but my wife is due to give birth to our first born in a few weeks. I do not know whether it is a boy or girl, and I do not make enough money as a mechanic to support a family. My wife has a good job and makes a lot of money.
Speaker 2
I am terrible at working on cars and I drink too much.
Speaker 1
My wife and I discussed it and we want to wait until our child is born to find out its gender.
Speaker 2
Why would you want to wait? How will you prepare for a baby if you don't know what to buy?
Speaker 1
well most items aren't really for just one gender, aside from clothes i guess. Do you have any kids? You might have some experience here!
Speaker 2
I do have kids. I didn't know the gender of 3 of them before they were born and people decided to buy what they wanted. I ended up with like fifty dresses for my son and nothing but overalls for my daughters haha. I knew the last one was going to be a girl. Luckily we saved her brothers dresses and she had stuff to wear. 
Speaker 1
oh wow! Yeah, i guess with gifts it may be better to know the gender beforehand. I'll have a think about it. How old are your children now?
Speaker 2
Well the boy turned 18 last November and he's still living with his mom. The older girls are like 23 and 26 if I remember right. They don't talk to me much. Part of why I drink all the time. But my youngest daughter is about to be 16. Her mom still lives with me, and I am trying to get better for them. I am still thankful that my older kids mom let me have all the dresses when my daughter was born. We had saved them just in case, and she never had another kid. You should be excited though. Babies are blessings.
Speaker 1
I am really excited. My wife has been wanting a baby for years now, I wanted to deal with the alcohol before we had the baby however. I understand what you say about why you drink, we all have our own battles to face with this kind of stuff. I feel like im in a better state now, not long until the baby after all!
Speaker 2
It is not easy to deal with a newborn and drink. I would advise getting it under control as much as possible. But after they get big enough to sleep through most nights, it isn't as hard to get in some drinks. Once they are teenagers and always running off with friends, it is easier for sure, because instead of waiting until after bedtime, you wait until they leave and then just sink into the bliss of not knowing your own name. Blah. I need to stop drinking.
Speaker 1
Yeah, I'm completely ready to just dedicate my life to our little bundle of joy!! I'm planning in getting some kind of support if things get too bad for me. Have you even thought of doing the same? 
Speaker 2
I have. I dont really know where to start. Or have anyone that would be a good sponsor. I just need to stop buying the stuff.
Speaker 1
Yeah it is difficult. Perhaps if you're struggling with money you could set aside an amount every week you would normally spend. Lock it away if you have to.
Speaker 2
Yeah. But I have nobody to help me DO it. Like thinking it is all easy. 
 2 hours
Speaker 1
My name is Mark, I work on cars and drink a lot. I've been a mechanic my whole life and have a wife. I didn't start drinking until I met her. I do not have any other kids, but my wife is due to give birth to our first born in a few weeks. I do not know whether it is a boy or girl, and I do not make enough money as a mechanic to support a family. My wife has a good job and makes a lot of money. It doesn't matter what gender my child is. I used to be a heavy drinker. I am a responsible person; I wanted to have my drinking under control before having a child. I have considered getting help for my drinking problem.
Speaker 2
I am terrible at working on cars. I have 4 children with two different women. I am a heavy drinker. I am estranged from some of my children. I am an alcoholic. I am overwhelmed by getting help for my drinking problem. I don't have anyone close to me to help.
Speaker 1
I already went to one meeting and it was great; it really made me feel strong for my baby to be. It would mean the world to me, and I'm sure your kids, if you just gave it a shot, man.
Speaker 2
I want to but I am afraid to. I wish that I had a friend here who could go with me. It's great that you went to a meeting and are getting help.
Speaker 1
I can understand. I felt that way too at first. I was scared of any idea of change. But I'll gladly go with you to your first meeting if that would make you more comfortable? It may take you a couple meetings until you find one that is most suited for you, though.
Speaker 2
That's so nice of you. It really touches my heart, to be honest. I've felt so alone with this problem and also am afraid of change like you mentioned. I don't mind checking out a few to find one that really resonates with me.
Speaker 1
I go every week, twice a week. So, whenever you are ready to give one a try, just let me know! No pressure! I know how it can feel. I had to get to an absolute rock bottom before I would even consider it, and it's still hard, but I'm coming up on 6 months sober myself!
Speaker 2
I'm really impressed. I feel like I'm at rock bottom and it's overwhelming knowing where to start but I'll reach out to you when I'm ready. How is your wife doing? The baby should be here soon. That's exciting. I love my kids even though I don't get to see all of them. Hopefully, that will change.
Speaker 1
The wife is doing great, and honestly, probably a lot more now that I've put the bottle down. I'm able to really focus on work and my life at home, and her needs. She knows this isn't easy for me, but I can tell she really appreciates how hard I'm trying. I know how much you love your children, but I'm sure if you can make some progress on the drinking you'll be able to find ways to spend more time with them. You are not alone; many of the fathers in my groups deal with very similar issues. Maybe you could reach out to one of them for advice?
Speaker 2
I'm glad to hear that, man. I'm sure your wife is so much happier now, especially knowing you're there for her and the baby. Part of my motivation to get sober is because I want to be able to see my kids grow up, all of them. Nice to know I'm not alone. Are you excited about the birth? Are you going to have a home birth or go to the hospital?
Speaker 1
I'm excited, scared, nervous, overjoyed, and pretty much every other feeling I can imagine all at once! It's a lot to handle sometimes! But truthfully, more than anything, is the anticipation to finally see my baby for the first time. We are going to do the birth in the hospital, just to be safe. My wife has had a couple health conditions in the past, so we don't want to take any risks. The doctors do not expect any kind of complications, though.
Speaker 2
That's good. I feel it's safer to have backup in the hospital just in case, especially if your wife has had some health issues. I'm sure it will go smoothly though since the doctors don't foresee any issues arising. I was so excited when my first child was born. I loved being able to be there in the room and to give all my support. I wasn't a true alcoholic then, just drank socially. Losing my job started a downward spiral. 
Speaker 1
I'm really sorry to hear that, but I can understand. Are you still currently out of work?
Speaker 2
Yes. I'm getting unemployment benefits right now, but, I'd rather be working. It gave me a sense of purpose. Some days I feel lost and like I'm just floundering around. I need to make a change somehow.
6 days 2 hours
Speaker 1
My name is Mark, I work on cars and drink a lot. I've been a mechanic my whole life and have a wife. I didn't start drinking until I met her. I do not have any other kids, but my wife is due to give birth to our first born in a few weeks. I do not know whether it is a boy or girl, and I do not make enough money as a mechanic to support a family. My wife has a good job and makes a lot of money. It doesn't matter what gender my child is. I used to be a heavy drinker. I am a responsible person; I wanted to have my drinking under control before having a child. I have considered getting help for my drinking problem. I go to meetings twice a week each week. I am 6 months sober. It's still hard. My wife is doing great. I am able to focus on work and family and her. I am so excited about the upcoming birth of my child. I am scared, nervous, and overjoyed. I can't wait to see my baby for the first time. My wife has had health complications, so we will have the baby in the hospital.
Speaker 2
I am terrible at working on cars. I have 4 children with two different women. I am a heavy drinker. I am estranged from some of my children. I am an alcoholic. I am overwhelmed by getting help for my drinking problem. I don't have anyone close to me to help. I don't have any friends here who would go to meetings with me. I have felt so alone with my problem. I am afraid of change. I would be willing to check out a few meetings. I am at rock bottom. I love my kids but don't get to see all of them right now. I want sobriety partially because I want to see my kids grow up. I was very excited when my first child was born. I was in the room to give support. I wasn't an alcoholic then, although I did drink socially. I lost my job after that and went downhill. I am on unemployment. I would rather be working because it gives me a sense of purpose. I feel a bit lost and am floundering.
Speaker 1
My wife has been put on bed rest until the baby comes and I am so nervous!
Speaker 2
Oh my goodness, that sounds so scary! How is she holding up?
Speaker 1
She's really nervous, too.  The doctor told her that he was concerned about a premature birth, and that's why she's been put on bed rest.
Speaker 2
I'm glad she has people looking out for her and I know your presence makes it easier for her to get through it. 
Speaker 1
Things had seemed to be going so well and then we were thrown this curve ball.  Since this is our first child maybe we're overreacting.  But it's definitely thrown me for a loop.  I've been really tempted to start drinking heavily again, though I know that wouldn't help anything.
Speaker 2
Definitely try and stay away from the drinks. Try going for a run or lifting weights instead. I've found that helps me a ton, especially in my most discouraged moments. And it's naturally to afraid for your child and your wife. This is a huge moment! Y
Speaker 1
Yes, that's a good idea to get some exercise.  And I need to keep going to meetings.  The meetings have helped me be more aware of the thoughts and feelings that start leading towards drinking.  Stress is obviously a big pitfall.
Speaker 2
Oh absolutely. What I'm learning in the meetings is that what really causes us to drink is unprocessed negative emotions and our discomfort with them. It's a struggle, but if we can learn to deal with those in a healthy way, that helps a lot. 
Speaker 1
Were there any complications with the births of any of your kids?
Speaker 2
Two of my kids were premature and one was born with the umbilical cord around his neck! That last one was especially terrifying. They are all healthy, now, though, including their mothers. I really hope that they allow me to see them again when I get clean.
Speaker 1
Wow, that's both scary and also somewhat reassuring.  It's scary to think of what all could go wrong, but reassuring to hear that there were issues with the births of all three of your kids but they're all healthy.
Speaker 2
Absolutely. I think where I went wrong was not having any purpose and not asking for emotional support. That led me to drinking and causing problems with my kids and their mothers. Just make sure you have a support system around you and that you have meaning in your life and remember why you chose to be sober and you'll do just fine. It'll be a challenge sometimes, but it'll be better than where I am currently.
12 days 2 hours
Speaker 1
My name is Mark, I work on cars and drink a lot. I've been a mechanic my whole life and have a wife. I didn't start drinking until I met her. I do not have any other kids, but my wife is due to give birth to our first born in a few weeks. I do not know whether it is a boy or girl, and I do not make enough money as a mechanic to support a family. My wife has a good job and makes a lot of money. It doesn't matter what gender my child is. I used to be a heavy drinker. I am a responsible person; I wanted to have my drinking under control before having a child. I have considered getting help for my drinking problem. I go to rehab meetings twice a week each week for my drinking problems. I am 6 months sober. It's still hard. My wife is doing great. I am able to focus on work and family and her. I am so excited about the upcoming birth of my child. I am scared, nervous, and overjoyed. I can't wait to see my baby for the first time. My wife has had health complications, so we will have the baby in the hospital. She is on bed rest to deliver the baby. My wife is nervous to give birth.
Speaker 2
I am terrible at working on cars. I have 4 children with two different women. I am a heavy drinker. I am estranged from some of my children. I am an alcoholic. I am overwhelmed by getting help for my drinking problem. I don't have anyone close to me to help. I don't have any friends here who would go to meetings with me. I have felt so alone with my problem. I am afraid of change. I would be willing to check out a few meetings. I am at rock bottom. I love my kids but don't get to see all of them right now. I want sobriety partially because I want to see my kids grow up. I was very excited when my first child was born. I was in the room to give support. I wasn't an alcoholic then, although I did drink socially. I lost my job after that and went downhill. I am on unemployment. I would rather be working because it gives me a sense of purpose. I feel a bit lost and am floundering. I am physically active and work out often. I was also an alcoholic and attend therapy sessions for it. I cannot see my kids until I have completed rehab for my alcohol abuse. I am not in a stable position due to my alcohol abuse.
Speaker 1
My wife delivered a healthy baby at 3lbs 2 oz.! Everything went well. 
Speaker 2
That's great.  Was it a boy or a girl?
Speaker 1
We had a baby boy. How many of your childrenare boys?
Speaker 2
I have one boy and three girls.  Do you know how long until the baby can come home?  Don't they have to be at least 5 pounds or something?
Speaker 1
Yes, as close to that as possible. The doctor said that as long as he continues to thrive and grow, we should be able to bring him home in 4-6 weeks. Wow! 3 girls? That must take a lot of patience at times. 
Speaker 2
Yeah, they can be a handful since they're so close in age.  A lot of fighting and crying sometimes but they get a long pretty well.  I know the first one is brand new but do you want more than one eventually?
Speaker 1
Given my wife's health issues I'm not sure that we will try for another one. This is truly a blessing, but I think in the future we will be more open to adoption or fostering.
Speaker 2
That's an admirable endeavor.  So have you picked out a name for the little one?
Speaker 1
Brian after my wife's father. We gave him the middle name William after my father. What are your children's names?
Speaker 2
My girls are Brianna, Allie, and Nicole.  My sons name is Avery.  None of them are named after family members now that I'm actually thinking about it.  Are his grandparents still around to appreciate the gesture?
Speaker 1
They are although my wife's father is very ill. He is currently on hospice, and lives with us full-time. We are looking forward to him spending what time he has left with Brian. Your children all have very nice names.
15 days 2 hours