Sex, Unicorns and Awsomesauce
Nerdinger, Elle
In the second decade of the 21st century it has become obvious, that we are beginning to see what a rich, colorful and rewarding sexual culture for human beings can look like. The internet, which has been rumored to be for porn, has shown that erotica and pornographic images, film and text are much more than what used to be available in a brown bag at a seedy shop. The myth that women don't like porn has been debunked by a larger variety of porn and pornographers. A democratic, equal and healthy society has to help sex, erotica and porn out of the sometimes still seedy image they suffer under and give these parts of human nature their deserved portion of normality, cultivation and love.
 So welcome. I hope the slides work now. It was a bit funny with me trying to get used to me. I'm sort of a Linux person and when I try to play my games and I play a lot of games I use this huge, massive graphic card driver called Windows. I'm not very good with Max, yes. Well, welcome to the talk. I have promised to show a quaker in my talk, so hereby I have done this. I'm going to be talking to you about sex, unicorns and awesome source and I want you to have fun doing this talk. This talk is supposed to be nice, it's supposed to be light hearted, maybe a couple of things, a bit of food for thought and food, but just don't take everything far too seriously, I might ask you for. And to get you into the mood I'm going to start with a story. In a novel I'm writing it's going to be a series of novellas that's coming out. There's a scene in there. There are two people, two protagonists, they call it flora and star and they go into a parallel universe. They are on a mission to explore this place and then they come through this threshold and they enter into this world that's full of really awesome, nearly sea foamy, cloudy looking trees, really nice lawns and nice pathways and they start to explore this place and they think well, we've got these pathways and we can walk around but we haven't seen any people yet and they walk around further and then they hear voices and they get close and they hear yes, it's human voices and there are people having a picnic between trees and they are enjoying this lavish fold and my protagonist is getting hungry and watching but hiding but somehow they fail to hide themselves properly so the picnic has noticed these newcomers and then the craziest thing happens because those people who have been eating and really enjoying their food and you all know what a mouthgasm is when you have something awesome to eat, imagine a chocolate chip cookie you dunk into coffee and then you eat it and it's just marvellous in your mouth and they were doing similar things and then suddenly they were caught in the act and these people ripped off their clothes and started having sex with each other in this kind of nonsha laught, really weird orgy and my protagonist from our world here, standing there and thinking shit, we've caught those people in the act, they are filling that food away, covering it up and just having sex and asking us to join them and this has got a lot to do with my talk, I will take you back to reality after seeing the first unicorn I have promised and, oh God, lovely, well in our reality we have often had many things about sex and food and food maybe being sinful, sex being sinful, celebrating food, celebrating sex and that sort of what I want to talk to you about, there's often been philosophers and writers and people thinking about why do we enjoy food as something public and celebrated for parties where a sex is taboo or dirty or something you have to do behind closed doors and if you think of those picnickers in that world what this lady is doing is something completely different to what she's doing in our world. Anyway now we've got sex and food and I will start with sex because you like sex. In our culture sex is seen as something that's there, it's omnipresent but somehow people don't really talk about it, they talk that sex sells, yes you have to look sexy, you have to keep fit but somehow yes also maybe after things like sex in the city came into our pop culture it became a bit more normal even for women to sit together and talk about sex and talk about their sex lives, about their lovers or maybe female lovers, male lovers but it's still not really normalised, it often depends on what type of people you are with, it can be more open about sex or you should rather not talk about it because people might feel offended for maybe religious, moral or whatever other reasons and otherwise especially when you talk about religions, sex has always somehow been there and it's also been or sometimes is also part of religious ceremonies or part of spirituality and otherwise sex in like for the Catholic Church, sex is a deadly or mortal sin, luxurious means lost, you hunger for sex and you want to have sex for not making babies, not how the Catholic Church wants you to have sex but the way you want to do it maybe even alone with your friend Jill and the Catholic Church doesn't like that at all, you can see here because if you do that you're going straight to Satan's doorstep and if you ring that bell, oh he'll be there and I must say for a quick reality check if this were true, if I were Satan I'd have turned my doorbell off because I want to live in peace and not have loads of people who are jerking off, getting on my nerves. Otherwise sex also here in the public space, this picture comes from Switzerland and this is an advert for a brothel and it shows that a certain type of person is encouraged to have actively pursued sex and that it is somehow just being pushed into this open space, into the public space even though children could walk around there on that train station but there's a picture of you enjoying your sex life and otherwise another group of person is encouraged to be a good sex provider or a provider of sexiness of looking good and learning awesome skills in bed, you can see here 20 mind blowing sex moves, I don't know what the heck they are, I've never used them but I'm still happy. And otherwise men are told to learn some kind of new rules of masculinity, I hear that all the time, it's like every five years there are rules for some kind of gender roles coming out and I think God has got nothing to do with real life and it's got nothing to do with having a really happy sex life and these messages are also not just in lifestyle media, you get it, this phenomena is called Frau auf Blau, it's German and Frau auf Blau is mostly blonde frauen and this phenomena emerged in the 90s when these fortnightly TV magazines came and this is one of the most famous ones also of course with Frau auf Blau and even the editors are often saying we want to maybe something change it but apparently the people who buy these magazines just go for Frau auf Blau and I think even though they say all women who buy it they like to see it and whatever, I don't know what they think in this article, I've linked it in the slides when I provide it for you, you can go and look at the article about it but apparently these Chefreducteurs they go there and say yeah but women like it too and they like to have a look at a sexy woman and maybe they will feel sexy too, I think that's absolutely bullshit, it's just a knee jerk reaction because it reminded me of when I was in a supermarket buying cheese and I got my cheese and it said coming soon, new packaging meaning you have to just look out to see when you're buying your cheese to look for maybe different colours and I think that's the same case when it comes to maybe TV magazines but still this subliminal message of yeah a woman being sexy maybe even blonde or whatever that it turns into this rot and it's not just there for what it may have once been for to be a sexy eye candy but it's just become a knee jerk reaction that TV magazines have to be frau on blau, it gets a bit boring. Anyway and there are other things women are sort of told yeah provide sexiness be sexy but then in certain countries certain areas then look at this that's a mum bod and a dad bod there, if you've seen that on Twitter yet there are various online discussions about dad bods and of course mum bods have to be out there too now. Anyway there are lots of mixed messages and I think it's a bit of a party pooping thing because you can say oh yeah she's wearing a short skirt she's a slut or she's wearing a red dress or she was out there a manhunter, a woman might just wear a red dress because she likes the colour and it reminds her of the poppies she's seen on her walk on last Sunday and she just likes the colour and there's a lot of interpretation in to sort of assumed signals that women are supposed to send out whereas actually a dress is just a dress or it might be black and blue or it might be white and gold. Anyway I think we have to change a couple of things think about things that are maybe for some people yeah things on the side it's not really important but there's still phenomena in our life that somehow in a very quiet and a very sort of subliminal way shape the way we think or sort of look at what sex is or what is a symbol for sex and a lot of things with sex is also numbers as often when you are on a date or want to have a date you ask what's your number and there's either this answer who knows that who knows that arms up yeah I won't sing it now it takes too long and there's also this number the answer because my number is 42 yeah and for some people it would be God look at that slut oh she's been whoring around for other people it may be in our world it's well you've got a lot of experience whereas other people would prefer to say oh yeah five people okay I mean mid 30s oh yeah okay she's got a bit of experience but she hasn't been too dirty that's also maybe okay but this is pro anyway now there's of course being a lot of shit storms these days I won't say any specific words but we all know on the internet there are currently a lot of discussions about perceptions of gender of sex of sexiness going on and these big shit storms are also due to shift in paradigms about people starting to view things differently and often when very conservative people notice that the way things are and we have always done that is slowly being less accepted of course they want to protect their territory the way they think it's right and good and become aggressive hence the shit storms but now I'm going to talk to you about food food is always there we see food in adverts we see food in magazines there's food porn on the internet and we just like looking at good food we like watching chefs cook things on TV on YouTube wherever and we also may sometimes be inspired to cook something nice ourselves instead of just having the the old meat and potatoes or going to the restaurant and have the 10th pizza this week and there's also a deadly sin gula which means gluttony gluttony and there's also a Facebook picture to go with this because there's also sins with all too many carbs and there's sugar in there right now on the net there are so many pictures going around on Twitter showing these amounts of sugars in different drinks and I just think God I think of sugar it's 100% sugar who would have thought that and feeling sinful and feeling bad for having eaten something really delicious but full of calories is also similar to guilt when you have had sex but you know you somehow shouldn't have had this sex or thought of sex or masturbated and this lady here who knows her this is yeah Julia Child from the mid 20th century and she's someone who brought the idea of especially French and European food to the USA and I would call her the you have no food porn and she encourages you to enjoy food and like it and even a lot of really fatty things with a lot of butter and cream and that is not good if you want to look fit and when we come to looking fit some people might just have that on their own and there are also double standards with food sometimes I like having something like that for breakfast on a lazy Saturday but according some other people it's for men and I think when have we ever ingested our food with our genitals because there's other cliches these are vegan cupcakes by the way and vegan cupcakes I must say just on a side note are awesome they're their own category of awesome cupcakes and the topping on top is a bit like these marshmallows or in German you call them Schaumküsse and if you ever come by vegan cupcakes have some on the other hand food like this is of course associated with women maybe or girly or whatsoever and as Leslie Knopes says here I'm not going to show a salad because salad cliches are even worse but now especially now having cupcake and thinking of the concept of salad there's also the concept of health and food and I will now try and give you a bit of an idea of what a world could be like where sex is seen as healthy so there's a society a sort of proposed society where sex is seen as good it's healthy it keeps you fit and if you have a lot of sex with your partner or maybe several partners and your experience and good at sex but you shouldn't have too much food except for maybe salads and low carb food and then you can also maybe have a fitness tracker and I'll tell you what it already exists it's going to be sold to you soon a Spanish company Geeksphone is selling geek me and you can see here the most interesting thing I thought about that is this detail that they still according to our rules of society and it's from Spain of course be aware of privacy and you have to be confidential about it but it's already coming that you can track your sexual whatever performance they say her or your sex life as a part of maybe instead of running those three kilometers you can also point your partner for an hour I think that's nice on the other hand then imagine you know these there are some insurance companies who are starting to at least I don't I don't know maybe some of you will know more about it but I know there's some apparently some health insurance companies that say if you wear a fitness tracker and you show that you live a healthy life and you do sport and you eat eat sort of gesund and have good good food you you pay less rates so it could also mean that if you talk a picture of your food and someone found out about what you were eating and this is stuff I've made these lovely drizzle bonds they were good with buttermilk and they would maybe imagine a world where revenge food porn would be a real reality imagine and imagine that this I had this dinner last night at cafe Einstein and I had the shirts on my friend at the stake and we shared it was both really really good I can really recommend it and the most interesting thing was what I thought except for oh I took a picture of my meal and my friend's meal and in this dystopian world I'm just trying to trying to sort of get get over to you maybe leaking this would say oh god you've been eating that instead of salads and just a bit of chicken or beware and the the metro there was talking to us he's a very jolly guy a great person he said yeah a lot of political Berlin comes here and apparently this schnitzel according to rumors is favored by chancellor Merkel and now in this dystopian world I'm thinking it would be maybe be the same Merkel going to this food Freud and house to enjoy her gorgeous food would be sort of food bonga bonga and apparently also Merkel loves cake and imagine build title having or whatever tabloid saying Merkel's cake is apparently not a lie as a scandal instead of a sex scandal and to come down to the main point here is we have to take sex more seriously of course people take sex seriously and there are some public some public adverts out there that encourage you to have safe sex for instance use condoms take care of yourself AIDS awareness that AIDS tag on the first of December and that is for me I think one start of people slowly taking sex seriously and starting to talk about it openly also with ads in a very serious and also very kind way and we have to also take responsibility for our folks and feelings I mean it is because if you sort of think you're having sex you've got emotions and everything and I give my heart to you and my feelings to you my sex to you no you can't do that those feelings belong to you and if you want to share these things with those people and those other person might not want to because of some other reasons you just have to think okay it's mine anyway and they don't want it okay fine let them pass on and there would be a certain amount of less friction in this world that may be help us have a better sex life so how do we have got three steps of maybe an idea how to have a better sort of also a public perception of sex to have us accept what sex really is and not just how media currently shows it towards or how sort of ideas floating around show it to us and the first thing is we should meet all gazes the gaze is often talked about the male gaze is showing a lot of women plastered around in tabloids in adverts in films in game of thrones there are a lot of naked women there it's fine I don't mind showing sex in things like that but maybe it would be nice instead of saying oh no more page three or no more naked women in build title you might have heard of the campaign out there is maybe saying let's just think about what there is okay there are naked women people enjoy having a bit of on pass on eye candy and see what the what what it really is it's like a buffet that only has salad imagine in your daily life you there was some room everywhere in every town or village where you could get a little snack of food for free you went there but it was always salad never anything else and when you say oh but I'd like to have a steak I'd like maybe have some cake and whatever no the world is a salad eaters world and even steak eaters like to have some salad every now and then accept this reality will always be like that and if you want to have steak provide for yourself because here out here in the public you'll have to go by the rules of the salad eaters and I think it's just the same again folk salad and the internet this is now this is interesting because we all know and love this song the internet is for porn and in Avenue Q the musical where this is from it's a female figure singing about yeah the internet and all the knowledge you can have there and there's male characters singing that is for porn and this is a bit outdated because porn hub has found out and it's often been talked about somehow the largest percentage of people consuming gay porn with gay men are women because they want to see some nice cop they want to see some nice but they want to see some nice bodies just like men like looking at pussies and tits and ass it's human and the industry thank you glad you appreciate it anyway and it's slowly really been taken seriously that sex and porn is something that all people should be able to enjoy and now I'm going to talk to you again about the gazes or maybe certain orientations and you can if you like talk about straight homosexual or the lucky bisexual people I really envy them I must say and all you could use different terms just to sort of I don't want to ask anyone to change their vocabulary but maybe just think about it and if you're a person that likes men no matter what gender or anything you identify as you could also say I'm andro sexual I like men us just like people who say oh I like women women are hotter love them I'm gyno sexual or you're a lucky bisexual again anyway so I'm going to show you certain gazes yes I have mentioned cyborgs because I identify as a cyborg and I'm an andro sexual cyborg anyway the andro sexual gaze in classic way is Michelangelo's David I think is a wonderful example and he's very hot and this I found this picture online and the interesting thing is the first one on the right side shows sort of the classical museum and the other ones look a bit more porny and this is also a thing I found on the internet with certain poses of men that you mostly know and the presentation is like women are shown maybe have something like that with a man because maybe some of you know from comic books that the swimsuit issues of course like sports illustrated are very popular with a nice model on there or an actress or whatever on there but in the comic book world they often have a variant cover so you could go there and say okay we'll have a men issue and a female issue but with the same content and more gazes would be made and you all know about killer combos there's cars and girls we know all about that and from the internet now there's a new combo out there it's cats and men yes that picture's awesome it's hot and there's a blog from France there's all my dish at all who knows it already okay not too little and it's really successful they're selling calendars books and memory games because they're always showing a hot guy and a cute kitten and they've got this memory game where you have to align the cat and the kitchen together the man of the kid is all I've got it and in September they're even there's also going to be a book out there and I've pre-ordered it already and here's this is very funny because we all know from the gino sexual gaze that of the playboy bunny and this is sort of sort of I heard you like bunnies so I put bunnies and the kitties together and you know the story and now we're going to show you the gino sexual gaze classical Venus Roman goddess of love this is more recent from the 19th century that is Alexandre Cabanel's picture of Venus my favorite birth of Venus picture and there's a very nice story about beautiful Venus and food because do you any one of you know about the Italian myth about how tortellini was made how it's invented it was because after the Roman Empire became Christian on all the Roman gods were poor and they were out of work and as one would say today in Berlin their heart's fear for a soul and Venus was walking around Italy and came to an inn and the the owner of the inn said okay young lady you're really pretty you look so famished and cold come in have a room so she took a room there and didn't have to pay for it but the landlords just couldn't resist to look through the keyhole and he saw her beautiful belly button and that is where he formed the tortellini form I like that and this is why I say why can't we have both why can't we instead of banning any kind of naked women in the built side or naked women in adverts why can't we have a men's quota for sexiness in public because andro-sexual people have got eyes and here again I've got the classics together again it would be really nice to have both and this is for the cyborgs and the second thing is an all-inclusive sex symbol because mostly when you have things about sex it's often a symbol with women's body parts maybe these silhouettes are often used when something is about sex even though there's a lot of more things in there so I been thinking about that and I think people in America have been thinking about it of John Oliver's show and when he was in that show where he interviewed Snowden just before he was talking about those NSA programs and compared the names to bad strip clubs in Florida and I straight away noticed this I had to screenshot it because representing these strip clubs is men and women but still you'd have to have it separate so I thought how can one represent sex where love is represented like that so maybe really really easy that everyone could understand it could represent sex like this because it could be a nice cleavage a pair of boobs it could be a bomb but unisex or it could be a pair of gullies all sexy and the third and last thing is it's quit lying about sex it will only make you feel bad you have to take sex seriously and you should talk about that creature in the living room you've already got your martini on it so I've got a little bucket list for you to maybe to mull over think about and maybe even do is the first thing is talk about it talk about it with your friends talk about it maybe even with the stranger but talk about sex like a normal thing like you talk about the last meal you had and on the other side you also have to think about something else and this is really important is learn about what makes a creeper a creeper because if someone might talk to you about sex or I might be talking about to someone about sex but I notice that they feel uncomfortable and they just feel oh no I just don't want to talk about that now or this person might even be asexual and not want to have anything to do with it you have to learn to sort of notice the cues or even directly ask them and say am I creeping you shall I not talk about it and it's the same thing as maybe you could imagine when you're in a train and you are absolutely not hungry but someone next to is eating a dinner that's awful so and find out that friendship and sexual attraction are really not opposite there's so many discussions since I was a teenager can people that are sexually attracted to be friends also but they can only be in a relationship or have sex no it's not true I have several really good friends that we can just like as a normal friendly act like you go to a restaurant or just have food together you can also have sex together protected clean friendly respectful sex it's really worth it and this is I've written it especially really small you really own your feelings they are yours and they're not yours to give to anyone other people might be able to share them with you or see that you really like this person or don't like that person but there is no such thing as giving hearts to people and so in next Christmas you don't have to worry and so as a last note because this is also about Europe and I'm British I live in Germany and today is the UK vote and the Germans that here beautiful Paul here he lives in London he's German and he is allowed to vote for the Bundestag even though he lives in it in London I can't vote today the voting system is Europe is really screwed up and also another on another note these new populist parties going around are not only populist and racist mostly but also very sex negative so if you think about voting just go out and vote no matter what but just don't vote any populist because they will destroy your sex life thank you Thank you very much. You're awesome. So you might have been wondering about the lovely young men I have on the stage. I was mirroring what often happens in shows centering around men and having decorative women. I just wanted to give you something nice to look at. Oh, thanks to Frank and Paul. Awesome. Really good sports. So, do you have any comments or questions? I guess I have one. I don't know if most of you live in Germany, but it's really interesting. Sexually speaking, well, actually, yeah. I work in the tech field with a lot of programmers and a lot of geeks. I also consider myself that way. But anyway, the thing is, there's this whole thing. Everybody tries to be really PC. If there's a woman around, it's like, no, no, no. I'm not interested. I'm not looking at you. I'm just friends. I know how it goes. And it's kind of weird because even sometimes I think it could be beneficial for them to maybe, like, I don't know, just smile and say, like, hey, or something like this. It's kind of, it's really interesting. And I don't know if it's just like a cultural thing or is it like... There's a lot of tension in there, and especially in the tech field, because there are some assholes out there that really creep women and have really weird ideas because they just don't sit down and really think that they own their emotions. And they don't have to be so desperate if they really think about themselves. And there's a really nice German saying. It's called, where Fickenbren was Friendly Sign. And I think that's the best take-off advice. And you also don't have to be physically super attractive to be sexy, I think. There are so many people I find sexy. Other people will say, oh, God, I don't want them. But they find people sexy. I don't find sexy. And I think if sex or attraction is normalized, situations, especially what you're talking about in the tech field, will slowly get down because the sensation of this tension between sexes or genders will slowly become less attractive to be so emotional about. And you're saying about people to smile. There's this cliche that men tell women to smile. I have been going around and telling men to smile. I've been going around and saying, why don't you smile, lad? You look lovely and nice ass. And they sort of... I know I'm being very, very provocative there, but I'm trying to do it in a very friendly way and also appreciative way, but to show these things swing both ways. And I just hope that you've got something to think about. I'll be publishing my slides with a lot of links, and I think there'll also be some blog posts afterwards. Another question. Hi. Here, in the front. I remember seeing a TED talk a couple of years ago from Jonathan Hyde, an American psychologist, I think, who's written a book about moral compasses. And that's when I heard the equivalence between food and sex for the first time. And he mentioned in this talk that there was a split that right-wing people were very liberal about food and very illiberal about sex. And it was the other way around with left people. So I'm wondering that you brought up this equivalence again. If that is something that you, from your experience of talking to people about this, find again that more people that are more right-wing are more liberal about food than about sex and the other way around. That's interesting because I've been watching a lot of TED talks before this because there's some excellent ones about sex. And I'll have to watch that. And maybe that might be a phenomenon in the States, though, because I don't know what it's like in Europe. But thanks for telling me this, because I'll keep my eyes peeled and look for patterns. That's interesting. I just wanted to add a little note. I've tried to tell people that the concept of sexual competence is something we could take on and learning about how to do it and thought how to do it well. That's a concept that many people find mind-blowing. Yes, you have now really said something that is a talk of its own and that would also... Yes, totally. I'm a head-onter and I never see sex as one of the interests of the candidates. You know, interests like music, food, but sex is never one of the interests on the resumes and curriculum vites. It depends on where... I would say there are certain... If you work in the sex industry and you don't mind not talk about sex itself as an interest, but if you have people working in the sex industry or maybe in a sort of queer environment, they might somehow, if it's got something to do with the job or so, especially if they're modelling, they say if they've got certain kinks. So you mean it's a sector problem, it's a tech problem that people don't share their sex interest on their resumes? Well, on the other hand, would someone always share their food interests on the resume? They do. Asian cuisine. Okay, I've never done that, but okay, that's interesting. It's an interesting point. Thanks. Loads of interesting points here like this. Great place. Anybody else? Okay, thanks Ella. She'll be around, I'm sure, so... Yes, I will be. Thank you very much! Thank you!
 So welcome. I hope the slides work now. It was a bit funny with me trying to get used  to me. I'm sort of a Linux person and when I try to play my games and I play a lot of  games I use this huge, massive graphic card driver called Windows. I'm not very good with  Max, yes. Well, welcome to the talk. I have promised to show a quaker in my talk, so hereby  I have done this. I'm going to be talking to you about sex, unicorns and awesome source  and I want you to have fun doing this talk. This talk is supposed to be nice, it's supposed  to be light hearted, maybe a couple of things, a bit of food for thought and food, but just  don't take everything far too seriously, I might ask you for. And to get you into the  mood I'm going to start with a story. In a novel I'm writing it's going to be a series  of novellas that's coming out. There's a scene in there. There are two people, two  protagonists, they call it flora and star and they go into a parallel universe. They  are on a mission to explore this place and then they come through this threshold and  they enter into this world that's full of really awesome, nearly sea foamy, cloudy looking  trees, really nice lawns and nice pathways and they start to explore this place and they  think well, we've got these pathways and we can walk around but we haven't seen any people  yet and they walk around further and then they hear voices and they get close and they  hear yes, it's human voices and there are people having a picnic between trees and they  are enjoying this lavish fold and my protagonist is getting hungry and watching but hiding but  somehow they fail to hide themselves properly so the picnic has noticed these newcomers  and then the craziest thing happens because those people who have been eating and really  enjoying their food and you all know what a mouthgasm is when you have something awesome  to eat, imagine a chocolate chip cookie you dunk into coffee and then you eat it and it's  just marvellous in your mouth and they were doing similar things and then suddenly they  were caught in the act and these people ripped off their clothes and started having sex with  each other in this kind of nonsha laught, really weird orgy and my protagonist from our  world here, standing there and thinking shit, we've caught those people in the act, they  are filling that food away, covering it up and just having sex and asking us to join them  and this has got a lot to do with my talk, I will take you back to reality after seeing  the first unicorn I have promised and, oh God, lovely, well in our reality we have often  had many things about sex and food and food maybe being sinful, sex being sinful, celebrating  food, celebrating sex and that sort of what I want to talk to you about, there's often  been philosophers and writers and people thinking about why do we enjoy food as something public  and celebrated for parties where a sex is taboo or dirty or something you have to do  behind closed doors and if you think of those picnickers in that world what this lady is  doing is something completely different to what she's doing in our world.  Anyway now we've got sex and food and I will start with sex because you like sex.  In our culture sex is seen as something that's there, it's omnipresent but somehow people  don't really talk about it, they talk that sex sells, yes you have to look sexy, you  have to keep fit but somehow yes also maybe after things like sex in the city came into  our pop culture it became a bit more normal even for women to sit together and talk about  sex and talk about their sex lives, about their lovers or maybe female lovers, male  lovers but it's still not really normalised, it often depends on what type of people you  are with, it can be more open about sex or you should rather not talk about it because  people might feel offended for maybe religious, moral or whatever other reasons and otherwise  especially when you talk about religions, sex has always somehow been there and it's  also been or sometimes is also part of religious ceremonies or part of spirituality and otherwise  sex in like for the Catholic Church, sex is a deadly or mortal sin, luxurious means lost,  you hunger for sex and you want to have sex for not making babies, not how the Catholic  Church wants you to have sex but the way you want to do it maybe even alone with your friend  Jill and the Catholic Church doesn't like that at all, you can see here because if you  do that you're going straight to Satan's doorstep and if you ring that bell, oh he'll  be there and I must say for a quick reality check if this were true, if I were Satan I'd  have turned my doorbell off because I want to live in peace and not have loads of people  who are jerking off, getting on my nerves.  Otherwise sex also here in the public space, this picture comes from Switzerland and this  is an advert for a brothel and it shows that a certain type of person is encouraged to  have actively pursued sex and that it is somehow just being pushed into this open space, into  the public space even though children could walk around there on that train station but  there's a picture of you enjoying your sex life and otherwise another group of person  is encouraged to be a good sex provider or a provider of sexiness of looking good and  learning awesome skills in bed, you can see here 20 mind blowing sex moves, I don't know  what the heck they are, I've never used them but I'm still happy.  And otherwise men are told to learn some kind of new rules of masculinity, I hear that all  the time, it's like every five years there are rules for some kind of gender roles coming  out and I think God has got nothing to do with real life and it's got nothing to do  with having a really happy sex life and these messages are also not just in lifestyle media,  you get it, this phenomena is called Frau auf Blau, it's German and Frau auf Blau is mostly  blonde frauen and this phenomena emerged in the 90s when these fortnightly TV magazines  came and this is one of the most famous ones also of course with Frau auf Blau and even  the editors are often saying we want to maybe something change it but apparently the people  who buy these magazines just go for Frau auf Blau and I think even though they say all women  who buy it they like to see it and whatever, I don't know what they think in this article,  I've linked it in the slides when I provide it for you, you can go and look at the article  about it but apparently these Chefreducteurs they go there and say yeah but women like  it too and they like to have a look at a sexy woman and maybe they will feel sexy too, I  think that's absolutely bullshit, it's just a knee jerk reaction because it reminded me  of when I was in a supermarket buying cheese and I got my cheese and it said coming soon,  new packaging meaning you have to just look out to see when you're buying your cheese  to look for maybe different colours and I think that's the same case when it comes to  maybe TV magazines but still this subliminal message of yeah a woman being sexy maybe  even blonde or whatever that it turns into this rot and it's not just there for what  it may have once been for to be a sexy eye candy but it's just become a knee jerk reaction  that TV magazines have to be frau on blau, it gets a bit boring. Anyway and there are  other things women are sort of told yeah provide sexiness be sexy but then in certain countries  certain areas then look at this that's a mum bod and a dad bod there, if you've seen that  on Twitter yet there are various online discussions about dad bods and of course mum bods have  to be out there too now. Anyway there are lots of mixed messages and I think it's a bit of  a party pooping thing because you can say oh yeah she's wearing a short skirt she's  a slut or she's wearing a red dress or she was out there a manhunter, a woman might just  wear a red dress because she likes the colour and it reminds her of the poppies she's seen  on her walk on last Sunday and she just likes the colour and there's a lot of interpretation  in to sort of assumed signals that women are supposed to send out whereas actually a dress  is just a dress or it might be black and blue or it might be white and gold. Anyway I think  we have to change a couple of things think about things that are maybe for some people  yeah things on the side it's not really important but there's still phenomena in our life that  somehow in a very quiet and a very sort of subliminal way shape the way we think or sort  of look at what sex is or what is a symbol for sex and a lot of things with sex is also  numbers as often when you are on a date or want to have a date you ask what's your number  and there's either this answer who knows that who knows that arms up yeah I won't sing it  now it takes too long and there's also this number the answer because my number is 42  yeah and for some people it would be God look at that slut oh she's been whoring around  for other people it may be in our world it's well you've got a lot of experience whereas  other people would prefer to say oh yeah five people okay I mean mid 30s oh yeah okay she's  got a bit of experience but she hasn't been too dirty that's also maybe okay but this  is pro anyway now there's of course being a lot of shit storms these days I won't say  any specific words but we all know on the internet there are currently a lot of discussions  about perceptions of gender of sex of sexiness going on and these big shit storms are also  due to shift in paradigms about people starting to view things differently and often when  very conservative people notice that the way things are and we have always done that is  slowly being less accepted of course they want to protect their territory the way they  think it's right and good and become aggressive hence the shit storms but now I'm going to  talk to you about food food is always there we see food in adverts we see food in magazines  there's food porn on the internet and we just like looking at good food we like watching  chefs cook things on TV on YouTube wherever and we also may sometimes be inspired to cook  something nice ourselves instead of just having the the old meat and potatoes or going to  the restaurant and have the 10th pizza this week and there's also a deadly sin gula which  means gluttony gluttony and there's also a Facebook picture to go with this because there's  also sins with all too many carbs and there's sugar in there right now on the net there  are so many pictures going around on Twitter showing these amounts of sugars in different  drinks and I just think God I think of sugar it's 100% sugar who would have thought that  and feeling sinful and feeling bad for having eaten something really delicious but full  of calories is also similar to guilt when you have had sex but you know you somehow  shouldn't have had this sex or thought of sex or masturbated and this lady here who  knows her this is yeah Julia Child from the mid 20th century and she's someone who brought  the idea of especially French and European food to the USA and I would call her the  you have no food porn and she encourages you to enjoy food and like it and even a lot of  really fatty things with a lot of butter and cream and that is not good if you want to  look fit and when we come to looking fit some people might just have that on their own and  there are also double standards with food sometimes I like having something like that  for breakfast on a lazy Saturday but according some other people it's for men and I think  when have we ever ingested our food with our genitals because there's other cliches  these are vegan cupcakes by the way and vegan cupcakes I must say just on a side note are  awesome they're their own category of awesome cupcakes and the topping on top is a bit like  these marshmallows or in German you call them Schaumküsse and if you ever come by  vegan cupcakes have some on the other hand food like this is of course associated with  women maybe or girly or whatsoever and as Leslie Knopes says here I'm not going to show  a salad because salad cliches are even worse but now especially now having cupcake and  thinking of the concept of salad there's also the concept of health and food and I will  now try and give you a bit of an idea of what a world could be like where sex is seen as  healthy so there's a society a sort of proposed society where sex is seen as good it's healthy  it keeps you fit and if you have a lot of sex with your partner or maybe several partners  and your experience and good at sex but you shouldn't have too much food except for maybe  salads and low carb food and then you can also maybe have a fitness tracker and I'll tell  you what it already exists it's going to be sold to you soon a Spanish company Geeksphone  is selling geek me and you can see here the most interesting thing I thought about that  is this detail that they still according to our rules of society and it's from Spain  of course be aware of privacy and you have to be confidential about it but it's already  coming that you can track your sexual whatever performance they say her or your sex life as  a part of maybe instead of running those three kilometers you can also point your partner  for an hour I think that's nice on the other hand then imagine you know these there are  some insurance companies who are starting to at least I don't I don't know maybe some  of you will know more about it but I know there's some apparently some health insurance  companies that say if you wear a fitness tracker and you show that you live a healthy life  and you do sport and you eat eat sort of gesund and have good good food you you pay less rates  so it could also mean that if you talk a picture of your food and someone found out about what  you were eating and this is stuff I've made these lovely drizzle bonds they were good  with buttermilk and they would maybe imagine a world where revenge food porn would be a  real reality imagine and imagine that this I had this dinner last night at cafe Einstein  and I had the shirts on my friend at the stake and we shared it was both really really good  I can really recommend it and the most interesting thing was what I thought except for oh I took  a picture of my meal and my friend's meal and in this dystopian world I'm just trying  to trying to sort of get get over to you maybe leaking this would say oh god you've been  eating that instead of salads and just a bit of chicken or beware and the the metro there  was talking to us he's a very jolly guy a great person he said yeah a lot of political  Berlin comes here and apparently this schnitzel according to rumors is favored by chancellor  Merkel and now in this dystopian world I'm thinking it would be maybe be the same Merkel  going to this food Freud and house to enjoy her gorgeous food would be sort of food bonga  bonga and apparently also Merkel loves cake and imagine build title having or whatever  tabloid saying Merkel's cake is apparently not a lie as a scandal instead of a sex scandal  and to come down to the main point here is we have to take sex more seriously of course  people take sex seriously and there are some public some public adverts out there that  encourage you to have safe sex for instance use condoms take care of yourself AIDS awareness  that AIDS tag on the first of December and that is for me I think one start of people  slowly taking sex seriously and starting to talk about it openly also with ads in a very  serious and also very kind way and we have to also take responsibility for our folks  and feelings I mean it is because if you sort of think you're having sex you've got  emotions and everything and I give my heart to you and my feelings to you my sex to you  no you can't do that those feelings belong to you and if you want to share these things  with those people and those other person might not want to because of some other reasons  you just have to think okay it's mine anyway and they don't want it okay fine let them  pass on and there would be a certain amount of less friction in this world that may be  help us have a better sex life so how do we have got three steps of maybe an idea how  to have a better sort of also a public perception of sex to have us accept what sex really is  and not just how media currently shows it towards or how sort of ideas floating around  show it to us and the first thing is we should meet all gazes the gaze is often talked about  the male gaze is showing a lot of women plastered around in tabloids in adverts in films in  game of thrones there are a lot of naked women there it's fine I don't mind showing  sex in things like that but maybe it would be nice instead of saying oh no more page  three or no more naked women in build title you might have heard of the campaign out there  is maybe saying let's just think about what there is okay there are naked women people  enjoy having a bit of on pass on eye candy and see what the what what it really is it's  like a buffet that only has salad imagine in your daily life you there was some room  everywhere in every town or village where you could get a little snack of food for free  you went there but it was always salad never anything else and when you say oh but I'd  like to have a steak I'd like maybe have some cake and whatever no the world is a salad  eaters world and even steak eaters like to have some salad every now and then accept  this reality will always be like that and if you want to have steak provide for yourself  because here out here in the public you'll have to go by the rules of the salad eaters  and I think it's just the same again folk salad and the internet this is now this is  interesting because we all know and love this song the internet is for porn and in Avenue  Q the musical where this is from it's a female figure singing about yeah the internet and  all the knowledge you can have there and there's male characters singing that is for porn and  this is a bit outdated because porn hub has found out and it's often been talked about  somehow the largest percentage of people consuming gay porn with gay men are women because they  want to see some nice cop they want to see some nice but they want to see some nice bodies  just like men like looking at pussies and tits and ass it's human and the industry thank  you glad you appreciate it anyway and it's slowly really been taken seriously that sex  and porn is something that all people should be able to enjoy and now I'm going to talk  to you again about the gazes or maybe certain orientations and you can if you like talk  about straight homosexual or the lucky bisexual people I really envy them I must say and all  you could use different terms just to sort of I don't want to ask anyone to change their  vocabulary but maybe just think about it and if you're a person that likes men no matter  what gender or anything you identify as you could also say I'm andro sexual I like men  us just like people who say oh I like women women are hotter love them I'm gyno sexual  or you're a lucky bisexual again anyway so I'm going to show you certain gazes yes I  have mentioned cyborgs because I identify as a cyborg and I'm an andro sexual cyborg  anyway the andro sexual gaze in classic way is Michelangelo's David I think is a wonderful  example and he's very hot and this I found this picture online and the interesting thing  is the first one on the right side shows sort of the classical museum and the other ones  look a bit more porny and this is also a thing I found on the internet with certain poses  of men that you mostly know and the presentation is like women are shown maybe have something  like that with a man because maybe some of you know from comic books that the swimsuit  issues of course like sports illustrated are very popular with a nice model on there or  an actress or whatever on there but in the comic book world they often have a variant  cover so you could go there and say okay we'll have a men issue and a female issue but with  the same content and more gazes would be made and you all know about killer combos there's  cars and girls we know all about that and from the internet now there's a new combo  out there it's cats and men yes that picture's awesome it's hot and there's a blog from France  there's all my dish at all who knows it already okay not too little and it's really successful  they're selling calendars books and memory games because they're always showing a hot  guy and a cute kitten and they've got this memory game where you have to align the cat  and the kitchen together the man of the kid is all I've got it and in September they're  even there's also going to be a book out there and I've pre-ordered it already and here's  this is very funny because we all know from the gino sexual gaze that of the playboy bunny  and this is sort of sort of I heard you like bunnies so I put bunnies and the kitties together  and you know the story and now we're going to show you the gino sexual gaze classical  Venus Roman goddess of love this is more recent from the 19th century that is Alexandre Cabanel's  picture of Venus my favorite birth of Venus picture and there's a very nice story about  beautiful Venus and food because do you any one of you know about the Italian myth about  how tortellini was made how it's invented it was because after the Roman Empire became  Christian on all the Roman gods were poor and they were out of work and as one would say  today in Berlin their heart's fear for a soul and Venus was walking around Italy and came  to an inn and the the owner of the inn said okay young lady you're really pretty you look  so famished and cold come in have a room so she took a room there and didn't have to pay  for it but the landlords just couldn't resist to look through the keyhole and he saw her  beautiful belly button and that is where he formed the tortellini form I like that and  this is why I say why can't we have both why can't we instead of banning any kind of naked  women in the built side or naked women in adverts why can't we have a men's quota for  sexiness in public because andro-sexual people have got eyes and here again I've got the  classics together again it would be really nice to have both and this is for the cyborgs  and the second thing is an all-inclusive sex symbol because mostly when you have things  about sex it's often a symbol with women's body parts maybe these silhouettes are often  used when something is about sex even though there's a lot of more things in there so I  been thinking about that and I think people in America have been thinking about it of  John Oliver's show and when he was in that show where he interviewed Snowden just before  he was talking about those NSA programs and compared the names to bad strip clubs in Florida  and I straight away noticed this I had to screenshot it because representing these strip clubs  is men and women but still you'd have to have it separate so I thought how can one represent  sex where love is represented like that so maybe really really easy that everyone could  understand it could represent sex like this because it could be a nice cleavage a pair  of boobs it could be a bomb but unisex or it could be a pair of gullies all sexy and  the third and last thing is it's quit lying about sex it will only make you feel bad you  have to take sex seriously and you should talk about that creature in the living room  you've already got your martini on it so I've got a little bucket list for you to maybe  to mull over think about and maybe even do is the first thing is talk about it talk about  it with your friends talk about it maybe even with the stranger but talk about sex like  a normal thing like you talk about the last meal you had and on the other side you also  have to think about something else and this is really important is learn about what makes  a creeper a creeper because if someone might talk to you about sex or I might be talking  about to someone about sex but I notice that they feel uncomfortable and they just feel  oh no I just don't want to talk about that now or this person might even be asexual  and not want to have anything to do with it you have to learn to sort of notice the cues  or even directly ask them and say am I creeping you shall I not talk about it and it's the  same thing as maybe you could imagine when you're in a train and you are absolutely not  hungry but someone next to is eating a dinner that's awful so and find out that friendship  and sexual attraction are really not opposite there's so many discussions since I was a  teenager can people that are sexually attracted to be friends also but they can only be in  a relationship or have sex no it's not true I have several really good friends that we  can just like as a normal friendly act like you go to a restaurant or just have food together  you can also have sex together protected clean friendly respectful sex it's really worth  it and this is I've written it especially really small you really own your feelings  they are yours and they're not yours to give to anyone other people might be able to share  them with you or see that you really like this person or don't like that person but  there is no such thing as giving hearts to people and so in next Christmas you don't  have to worry and so as a last note because this is also about Europe and I'm British  I live in Germany and today is the UK vote and the Germans that here beautiful Paul here  he lives in London he's German and he is allowed to vote for the Bundestag even though he lives  in it in London I can't vote today the voting system is Europe is really screwed up and  also another on another note these new populist parties going around are not only populist  and racist mostly but also very sex negative so if you think about voting just go out and  vote no matter what but just don't vote any populist because they will destroy your sex  life thank you  Thank you very much. You're awesome.  So you might have been wondering about the lovely young men I have on the stage.  I was mirroring what often happens in shows centering around men and having decorative women.  I just wanted to give you something nice to look at.  Oh, thanks to Frank and Paul.  Awesome. Really good sports.  So, do you have any comments or questions?  I guess I have one.  I don't know if most of you live in Germany, but it's really interesting.  Sexually speaking, well, actually, yeah.  I work in the tech field with a lot of programmers and a lot of geeks.  I also consider myself that way.  But anyway, the thing is, there's this whole thing.  Everybody tries to be really PC.  If there's a woman around, it's like, no, no, no.  I'm not interested. I'm not looking at you.  I'm just friends. I know how it goes.  And it's kind of weird because even sometimes I think it could be beneficial for them to maybe, like,  I don't know, just smile and say, like, hey, or something like this.  It's kind of, it's really interesting.  And I don't know if it's just like a cultural thing or is it like...  There's a lot of tension in there, and especially in the tech field,  because there are some assholes out there that really creep women and have really weird ideas  because they just don't sit down and really think that they own their emotions.  And they don't have to be so desperate if they really think about themselves.  And there's a really nice German saying.  It's called, where Fickenbren was Friendly Sign.  And I think that's the best take-off advice.  And you also don't have to be physically super attractive to be sexy, I think.  There are so many people I find sexy.  Other people will say, oh, God, I don't want them.  But they find people sexy. I don't find sexy.  And I think if sex or attraction is normalized,  situations, especially what you're talking about in the tech field,  will slowly get down because the sensation of this tension between sexes or genders  will slowly become less attractive to be so emotional about.  And you're saying about people to smile.  There's this cliche that men tell women to smile.  I have been going around and telling men to smile.  I've been going around and saying, why don't you smile, lad?  You look lovely and nice ass.  And they sort of...  I know I'm being very, very provocative there,  but I'm trying to do it in a very friendly way and also appreciative way,  but to show these things swing both ways.  And I just hope that you've got something to think about.  I'll be publishing my slides with a lot of links,  and I think there'll also be some blog posts afterwards.  Another question.  Hi. Here, in the front.  I remember seeing a TED talk a couple of years ago  from Jonathan Hyde, an American psychologist, I think,  who's written a book about moral compasses.  And that's when I heard the equivalence between food and sex for the first time.  And he mentioned in this talk that there was a split that right-wing people  were very liberal about food and very illiberal about sex.  And it was the other way around with left people.  So I'm wondering that you brought up this equivalence again.  If that is something that you, from your experience of talking to people about this,  find again that more people that are more right-wing  are more liberal about food than about sex and the other way around.  That's interesting because I've been watching a lot of TED talks before this  because there's some excellent ones about sex.  And I'll have to watch that.  And maybe that might be a phenomenon in the States, though,  because I don't know what it's like in Europe.  But thanks for telling me this, because I'll keep my eyes peeled  and look for patterns. That's interesting.  I just wanted to add a little note.  I've tried to tell people that the concept of sexual competence  is something we could take on and learning about how to do it  and thought how to do it well.  That's a concept that many people find mind-blowing.  Yes, you have now really said something that is a talk of its own  and that would also... Yes, totally.  I'm a head-onter and I never see sex as one of the interests of the candidates.  You know, interests like music, food,  but sex is never one of the interests on the resumes and curriculum vites.  It depends on where...  I would say there are certain...  If you work in the sex industry and you don't mind not talk about sex itself as an interest,  but if you have people working in the sex industry or maybe in a sort of queer environment,  they might somehow, if it's got something to do with the job or so,  especially if they're modelling, they say if they've got certain kinks.  So you mean it's a sector problem, it's a tech problem  that people don't share their sex interest on their resumes?  Well, on the other hand, would someone always share their food interests on the resume?  They do.  Asian cuisine.  Okay, I've never done that, but okay, that's interesting.  It's an interesting point. Thanks.  Loads of interesting points here like this. Great place.  Anybody else?  Okay, thanks Ella. She'll be around, I'm sure, so...  Yes, I will be.  Thank you very much!  Thank you!
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So welcome. I hope the slides work now. It was a bit funny with me trying to get used to me. I'm sort of a Linux person and when I try to play my games and I play a lot of games I use this huge, massive graphic card driver called Windows. I'm not very good with Max, yes. Well, welcome to the talk. I have promised to show a quaker in my talk, so hereby I have done this. I'm going to be talking to you about sex, unicorns and awesome source and I want you to have fun doing this talk. This talk is supposed to be nice, it's supposed to be light hearted, maybe a couple of things, a bit of food for thought and food, but just don't take everything far too seriously, I might ask you for. And to get you into the mood I'm going to start with a story. In a novel I'm writing it's going to be a series of novellas that's coming out. There's a scene in there. There are two people, two protagonists, they call it flora and star and they go into a parallel universe. They are on a mission to explore this place and then they come through this threshold and they enter into this world that's full of really awesome, nearly sea foamy, cloudy looking trees, really nice lawns and nice pathways and they start to explore this place and they think well, we've got these pathways and we can walk around but we haven't seen any people yet and they walk around further and then they hear voices and they get close and they hear yes, it's human voices and there are people having a picnic between trees and they are enjoying this lavish fold and my protagonist is getting hungry and watching but hiding but somehow they fail to hide themselves properly so the picnic has noticed these newcomers and then the craziest thing happens because those people who have been eating and really enjoying their food and you all know what a mouthgasm is when you have something awesome to eat, imagine a chocolate chip cookie you dunk into coffee and then you eat it and it's just marvellous in your mouth and they were doing similar things and then suddenly they were caught in the act and these people ripped off their clothes and started having sex with each other in this kind of nonsha laught, really weird orgy and my protagonist from our world here, standing there and thinking shit, we've caught those people in the act, they are filling that food away, covering it up and just having sex and asking us to join them and this has got a lot to do with my talk, I will take you back to reality after seeing the first unicorn I have promised and, oh God, lovely, well in our reality we have often had many things about sex and food and food maybe being sinful, sex being sinful, celebrating food, celebrating sex and that sort of what I want to talk to you about, there's often been philosophers and writers and people thinking about why do we enjoy food as something public and celebrated for parties where a sex is taboo or dirty or something you have to do behind closed doors and if you think of those picnickers in that world what this lady is doing is something completely different to what she's doing in our world. Anyway now we've got sex and food and I will start with sex because you like sex. In our culture sex is seen as something that's there, it's omnipresent but somehow people don't really talk about it, they talk that sex sells, yes you have to look sexy, you have to keep fit but somehow yes also maybe after things like sex in the city came into our pop culture it became a bit more normal even for women to sit together and talk about sex and talk about their sex lives, about their lovers or maybe female lovers, male lovers but it's still not really normalised, it often depends on what type of people you are with, it can be more open about sex or you should rather not talk about it because people might feel offended for maybe religious, moral or whatever other reasons and otherwise especially when you talk about religions, sex has always somehow been there and it's also been or sometimes is also part of religious ceremonies or part of spirituality and otherwise sex in like for the Catholic Church, sex is a deadly or mortal sin, luxurious means lost, you hunger for sex and you want to have sex for not making babies, not how the Catholic Church wants you to have sex but the way you want to do it maybe even alone with your friend Jill and the Catholic Church doesn't like that at all, you can see here because if you do that you're going straight to Satan's doorstep and if you ring that bell, oh he'll be there and I must say for a quick reality check if this were true, if I were Satan I'd have turned my doorbell off because I want to live in peace and not have loads of people who are jerking off, getting on my nerves. Otherwise sex also here in the public space, this picture comes from Switzerland and this is an advert for a brothel and it shows that a certain type of person is encouraged to have actively pursued sex and that it is somehow just being pushed into this open space, into the public space even though children could walk around there on that train station but there's a picture of you enjoying your sex life and otherwise another group of person is encouraged to be a good sex provider or a provider of sexiness of looking good and learning awesome skills in bed, you can see here 20 mind blowing sex moves, I don't know what the heck they are, I've never used them but I'm still happy. And otherwise men are told to learn some kind of new rules of masculinity, I hear that all the time, it's like every five years there are rules for some kind of gender roles coming out and I think God has got nothing to do with real life and it's got nothing to do with having a really happy sex life and these messages are also not just in lifestyle media, you get it, this phenomena is called Frau auf Blau, it's German and Frau auf Blau is mostly blonde frauen and this phenomena emerged in the 90s when these fortnightly TV magazines came and this is one of the most famous ones also of course with Frau auf Blau and even the editors are often saying we want to maybe something change it but apparently the people who buy these magazines just go for Frau auf Blau and I think even though they say all women who buy it they like to see it and whatever, I don't know what they think in this article, I've linked it in the slides when I provide it for you, you can go and look at the article about it but apparently these Chefreducteurs they go there and say yeah but women like it too and they like to have a look at a sexy woman and maybe they will feel sexy too, I think that's absolutely bullshit, it's just a knee jerk reaction because it reminded me of when I was in a supermarket buying cheese and I got my cheese and it said coming soon, new packaging meaning you have to just look out to see when you're buying your cheese to look for maybe different colours and I think that's the same case when it comes to maybe TV magazines but still this subliminal message of yeah a woman being sexy maybe even blonde or whatever that it turns into this rot and it's not just there for what it may have once been for to be a sexy eye candy but it's just become a knee jerk reaction that TV magazines have to be frau on blau, it gets a bit boring. Anyway and there are other things women are sort of told yeah provide sexiness be sexy but then in certain countries certain areas then look at this that's a mum bod and a dad bod there, if you've seen that on Twitter yet there are various online discussions about dad bods and of course mum bods have to be out there too now. Anyway there are lots of mixed messages and I think it's a bit of a party pooping thing because you can say oh yeah she's wearing a short skirt she's a slut or she's wearing a red dress or she was out there a manhunter, a woman might just wear a red dress because she likes the colour and it reminds her of the poppies she's seen on her walk on last Sunday and she just likes the colour and there's a lot of interpretation in to sort of assumed signals that women are supposed to send out whereas actually a dress is just a dress or it might be black and blue or it might be white and gold. Anyway I think we have to change a couple of things think about things that are maybe for some people yeah things on the side it's not really important but there's still phenomena in our life that somehow in a very quiet and a very sort of subliminal way shape the way we think or sort of look at what sex is or what is a symbol for sex and a lot of things with sex is also numbers as often when you are on a date or want to have a date you ask what's your number and there's either this answer who knows that who knows that arms up yeah I won't sing it now it takes too long and there's also this number the answer because my number is 42 yeah and for some people it would be God look at that slut oh she's been whoring around for other people it may be in our world it's well you've got a lot of experience whereas other people would prefer to say oh yeah five people okay I mean mid 30s oh yeah okay she's got a bit of experience but she hasn't been too dirty that's also maybe okay but this is pro anyway now there's of course being a lot of shit storms these days I won't say any specific words but we all know on the internet there are currently a lot of discussions about perceptions of gender of sex of sexiness going on and these big shit storms are also due to shift in paradigms about people starting to view things differently and often when very conservative people notice that the way things are and we have always done that is slowly being less accepted of course they want to protect their territory the way they think it's right and good and become aggressive hence the shit storms but now I'm going to talk to you about food food is always there we see food in adverts we see food in magazines there's food porn on the internet and we just like looking at good food we like watching chefs cook things on TV on YouTube wherever and we also may sometimes be inspired to cook something nice ourselves instead of just having the the old meat and potatoes or going to the restaurant and have the 10th pizza this week and there's also a deadly sin gula which means gluttony gluttony and there's also a Facebook picture to go with this because there's also sins with all too many carbs and there's sugar in there right now on the net there are so many pictures going around on Twitter showing these amounts of sugars in different drinks and I just think God I think of sugar it's 100% sugar who would have thought that and feeling sinful and feeling bad for having eaten something really delicious but full of calories is also similar to guilt when you have had sex but you know you somehow shouldn't have had this sex or thought of sex or masturbated and this lady here who knows her this is yeah Julia Child from the mid 20th century and she's someone who brought the idea of especially French and European food to the USA and I would call her the you have no food porn and she encourages you to enjoy food and like it and even a lot of really fatty things with a lot of butter and cream and that is not good if you want to look fit and when we come to looking fit some people might just have that on their own and there are also double standards with food sometimes I like having something like that for breakfast on a lazy Saturday but according some other people it's for men and I think when have we ever ingested our food with our genitals because there's other cliches these are vegan cupcakes by the way and vegan cupcakes I must say just on a side note are awesome they're their own category of awesome cupcakes and the topping on top is a bit like these marshmallows or in German you call them Schaumküsse and if you ever come by vegan cupcakes have some on the other hand food like this is of course associated with women maybe or girly or whatsoever and as Leslie Knopes says here I'm not going to show a salad because salad cliches are even worse but now especially now having cupcake and thinking of the concept of salad there's also the concept of health and food and I will now try and give you a bit of an idea of what a world could be like where sex is seen as healthy so there's a society a sort of proposed society where sex is seen as good it's healthy it keeps you fit and if you have a lot of sex with your partner or maybe several partners and your experience and good at sex but you shouldn't have too much food except for maybe salads and low carb food and then you can also maybe have a fitness tracker and I'll tell you what it already exists it's going to be sold to you soon a Spanish company Geeksphone is selling geek me and you can see here the most interesting thing I thought about that is this detail that they still according to our rules of society and it's from Spain of course be aware of privacy and you have to be confidential about it but it's already coming that you can track your sexual whatever performance they say her or your sex life as a part of maybe instead of running those three kilometers you can also point your partner for an hour I think that's nice on the other hand then imagine you know these there are some insurance companies who are starting to at least I don't I don't know maybe some of you will know more about it but I know there's some apparently some health insurance companies that say if you wear a fitness tracker and you show that you live a healthy life and you do sport and you eat eat sort of gesund and have good good food you you pay less rates so it could also mean that if you talk a picture of your food and someone found out about what you were eating and this is stuff I've made these lovely drizzle bonds they were good with buttermilk and they would maybe imagine a world where revenge food porn would be a real reality imagine and imagine that this I had this dinner last night at cafe Einstein and I had the shirts on my friend at the stake and we shared it was both really really good I can really recommend it and the most interesting thing was what I thought except for oh I took a picture of my meal and my friend's meal and in this dystopian world I'm just trying to trying to sort of get get over to you maybe leaking this would say oh god you've been eating that instead of salads and just a bit of chicken or beware and the the metro there was talking to us he's a very jolly guy a great person he said yeah a lot of political Berlin comes here and apparently this schnitzel according to rumors is favored by chancellor Merkel and now in this dystopian world I'm thinking it would be maybe be the same Merkel going to this food Freud and house to enjoy her gorgeous food would be sort of food bonga bonga and apparently also Merkel loves cake and imagine build title having or whatever tabloid saying Merkel's cake is apparently not a lie as a scandal instead of a sex scandal and to come down to the main point here is we have to take sex more seriously of course people take sex seriously and there are some public some public adverts out there that encourage you to have safe sex for instance use condoms take care of yourself AIDS awareness that AIDS tag on the first of December and that is for me I think one start of people slowly taking sex seriously and starting to talk about it openly also with ads in a very serious and also very kind way and we have to also take responsibility for our folks and feelings I mean it is because if you sort of think you're having sex you've got emotions and everything and I give my heart to you and my feelings to you my sex to you no you can't do that those feelings belong to you and if you want to share these things with those people and those other person might not want to because of some other reasons you just have to think okay it's mine anyway and they don't want it okay fine let them pass on and there would be a certain amount of less friction in this world that may be help us have a better sex life so how do we have got three steps of maybe an idea how to have a better sort of also a public perception of sex to have us accept what sex really is and not just how media currently shows it towards or how sort of ideas floating around show it to us and the first thing is we should meet all gazes the gaze is often talked about the male gaze is showing a lot of women plastered around in tabloids in adverts in films in game of thrones there are a lot of naked women there it's fine I don't mind showing sex in things like that but maybe it would be nice instead of saying oh no more page three or no more naked women in build title you might have heard of the campaign out there is maybe saying let's just think about what there is okay there are naked women people enjoy having a bit of on pass on eye candy and see what the what what it really is it's like a buffet that only has salad imagine in your daily life you there was some room everywhere in every town or village where you could get a little snack of food for free you went there but it was always salad never anything else and when you say oh but I'd like to have a steak I'd like maybe have some cake and whatever no the world is a salad eaters world and even steak eaters like to have some salad every now and then accept this reality will always be like that and if you want to have steak provide for yourself because here out here in the public you'll have to go by the rules of the salad eaters and I think it's just the same again folk salad and the internet this is now this is interesting because we all know and love this song the internet is for porn and in Avenue Q the musical where this is from it's a female figure singing about yeah the internet and all the knowledge you can have there and there's male characters singing that is for porn and this is a bit outdated because porn hub has found out and it's often been talked about somehow the largest percentage of people consuming gay porn with gay men are women because they want to see some nice cop they want to see some nice but they want to see some nice bodies just like men like looking at pussies and tits and ass it's human and the industry thank you glad you appreciate it anyway and it's slowly really been taken seriously that sex and porn is something that all people should be able to enjoy and now I'm going to talk to you again about the gazes or maybe certain orientations and you can if you like talk about straight homosexual or the lucky bisexual people I really envy them I must say and all you could use different terms just to sort of I don't want to ask anyone to change their vocabulary but maybe just think about it and if you're a person that likes men no matter what gender or anything you identify as you could also say I'm andro sexual I like men us just like people who say oh I like women women are hotter love them I'm gyno sexual or you're a lucky bisexual again anyway so I'm going to show you certain gazes yes I have mentioned cyborgs because I identify as a cyborg and I'm an andro sexual cyborg anyway the andro sexual gaze in classic way is Michelangelo's David I think is a wonderful example and he's very hot and this I found this picture online and the interesting thing is the first one on the right side shows sort of the classical museum and the other ones look a bit more porny and this is also a thing I found on the internet with certain poses of men that you mostly know and the presentation is like women are shown maybe have something like that with a man because maybe some of you know from comic books that the swimsuit issues of course like sports illustrated are very popular with a nice model on there or an actress or whatever on there but in the comic book world they often have a variant cover so you could go there and say okay we'll have a men issue and a female issue but with the same content and more gazes would be made and you all know about killer combos there's cars and girls we know all about that and from the internet now there's a new combo out there it's cats and men yes that picture's awesome it's hot and there's a blog from France there's all my dish at all who knows it already okay not too little and it's really successful they're selling calendars books and memory games because they're always showing a hot guy and a cute kitten and they've got this memory game where you have to align the cat and the kitchen together the man of the kid is all I've got it and in September they're even there's also going to be a book out there and I've pre-ordered it already and here's this is very funny because we all know from the gino sexual gaze that of the playboy bunny and this is sort of sort of I heard you like bunnies so I put bunnies and the kitties together and you know the story and now we're going to show you the gino sexual gaze classical Venus Roman goddess of love this is more recent from the 19th century that is Alexandre Cabanel's picture of Venus my favorite birth of Venus picture and there's a very nice story about beautiful Venus and food because do you any one of you know about the Italian myth about how tortellini was made how it's invented it was because after the Roman Empire became Christian on all the Roman gods were poor and they were out of work and as one would say today in Berlin their heart's fear for a soul and Venus was walking around Italy and came to an inn and the the owner of the inn said okay young lady you're really pretty you look so famished and cold come in have a room so she took a room there and didn't have to pay for it but the landlords just couldn't resist to look through the keyhole and he saw her beautiful belly button and that is where he formed the tortellini form I like that and this is why I say why can't we have both why can't we instead of banning any kind of naked women in the built side or naked women in adverts why can't we have a men's quota for sexiness in public because andro-sexual people have got eyes and here again I've got the classics together again it would be really nice to have both and this is for the cyborgs and the second thing is an all-inclusive sex symbol because mostly when you have things about sex it's often a symbol with women's body parts maybe these silhouettes are often used when something is about sex even though there's a lot of more things in there so I been thinking about that and I think people in America have been thinking about it of John Oliver's show and when he was in that show where he interviewed Snowden just before he was talking about those NSA programs and compared the names to bad strip clubs in Florida and I straight away noticed this I had to screenshot it because representing these strip clubs is men and women but still you'd have to have it separate so I thought how can one represent sex where love is represented like that so maybe really really easy that everyone could understand it could represent sex like this because it could be a nice cleavage a pair of boobs it could be a bomb but unisex or it could be a pair of gullies all sexy and the third and last thing is it's quit lying about sex it will only make you feel bad you have to take sex seriously and you should talk about that creature in the living room you've already got your martini on it so I've got a little bucket list for you to maybe to mull over think about and maybe even do is the first thing is talk about it talk about it with your friends talk about it maybe even with the stranger but talk about sex like a normal thing like you talk about the last meal you had and on the other side you also have to think about something else and this is really important is learn about what makes a creeper a creeper because if someone might talk to you about sex or I might be talking about to someone about sex but I notice that they feel uncomfortable and they just feel oh no I just don't want to talk about that now or this person might even be asexual and not want to have anything to do with it you have to learn to sort of notice the cues or even directly ask them and say am I creeping you shall I not talk about it and it's the same thing as maybe you could imagine when you're in a train and you are absolutely not hungry but someone next to is eating a dinner that's awful so and find out that friendship and sexual attraction are really not opposite there's so many discussions since I was a teenager can people that are sexually attracted to be friends also but they can only be in a relationship or have sex no it's not true I have several really good friends that we can just like as a normal friendly act like you go to a restaurant or just have food together you can also have sex together protected clean friendly respectful sex it's really worth it and this is I've written it especially really small you really own your feelings they are yours and they're not yours to give to anyone other people might be able to share them with you or see that you really like this person or don't like that person but there is no such thing as giving hearts to people and so in next Christmas you don't have to worry and so as a last note because this is also about Europe and I'm British I live in Germany and today is the UK vote and the Germans that here beautiful Paul here he lives in London he's German and he is allowed to vote for the Bundestag even though he lives in it in London I can't vote today the voting system is Europe is really screwed up and also another on another note these new populist parties going around are not only populist and racist mostly but also very sex negative so if you think about voting just go out and vote no matter what but just don't vote any populist because they will destroy your sex life thank you Thank you very much. You're awesome. So you might have been wondering about the lovely young men I have on the stage. I was mirroring what often happens in shows centering around men and having decorative women. I just wanted to give you something nice to look at. Oh, thanks to Frank and Paul. Awesome. Really good sports. So, do you have any comments or questions? I guess I have one. I don't know if most of you live in Germany, but it's really interesting. Sexually speaking, well, actually, yeah. I work in the tech field with a lot of programmers and a lot of geeks. I also consider myself that way. But anyway, the thing is, there's this whole thing. Everybody tries to be really PC. If there's a woman around, it's like, no, no, no. I'm not interested. I'm not looking at you. I'm just friends. I know how it goes. And it's kind of weird because even sometimes I think it could be beneficial for them to maybe, like, I don't know, just smile and say, like, hey, or something like this. It's kind of, it's really interesting. And I don't know if it's just like a cultural thing or is it like... There's a lot of tension in there, and especially in the tech field, because there are some assholes out there that really creep women and have really weird ideas because they just don't sit down and really think that they own their emotions. And they don't have to be so desperate if they really think about themselves. And there's a really nice German saying. It's called, where Fickenbren was Friendly Sign. And I think that's the best take-off advice. And you also don't have to be physically super attractive to be sexy, I think. There are so many people I find sexy. Other people will say, oh, God, I don't want them. But they find people sexy. I don't find sexy. And I think if sex or attraction is normalized, situations, especially what you're talking about in the tech field, will slowly get down because the sensation of this tension between sexes or genders will slowly become less attractive to be so emotional about. And you're saying about people to smile. There's this cliche that men tell women to smile. I have been going around and telling men to smile. I've been going around and saying, why don't you smile, lad? You look lovely and nice ass. And they sort of... I know I'm being very, very provocative there, but I'm trying to do it in a very friendly way and also appreciative way, but to show these things swing both ways. And I just hope that you've got something to think about. I'll be publishing my slides with a lot of links, and I think there'll also be some blog posts afterwards. Another question. Hi. Here, in the front. I remember seeing a TED talk a couple of years ago from Jonathan Hyde, an American psychologist, I think, who's written a book about moral compasses. And that's when I heard the equivalence between food and sex for the first time. And he mentioned in this talk that there was a split that right-wing people were very liberal about food and very illiberal about sex. And it was the other way around with left people. So I'm wondering that you brought up this equivalence again. If that is something that you, from your experience of talking to people about this, find again that more people that are more right-wing are more liberal about food than about sex and the other way around. That's interesting because I've been watching a lot of TED talks before this because there's some excellent ones about sex. And I'll have to watch that. And maybe that might be a phenomenon in the States, though, because I don't know what it's like in Europe. But thanks for telling me this, because I'll keep my eyes peeled and look for patterns. That's interesting. I just wanted to add a little note. I've tried to tell people that the concept of sexual competence is something we could take on and learning about how to do it and thought how to do it well. That's a concept that many people find mind-blowing. Yes, you have now really said something that is a talk of its own and that would also... Yes, totally. I'm a head-onter and I never see sex as one of the interests of the candidates. You know, interests like music, food, but sex is never one of the interests on the resumes and curriculum vites. It depends on where... I would say there are certain... If you work in the sex industry and you don't mind not talk about sex itself as an interest, but if you have people working in the sex industry or maybe in a sort of queer environment, they might somehow, if it's got something to do with the job or so, especially if they're modelling, they say if they've got certain kinks. So you mean it's a sector problem, it's a tech problem that people don't share their sex interest on their resumes? Well, on the other hand, would someone always share their food interests on the resume? They do. Asian cuisine. Okay, I've never done that, but okay, that's interesting. It's an interesting point. Thanks. Loads of interesting points here like this. Great place. Anybody else? Okay, thanks Ella. She'll be around, I'm sure, so... Yes, I will be. Thank you very much! Thank you!
in the act and these people ripped off their sex. In our culture sex is seen as something it's also been or sometimes is also part of they like to see it and whatever, I don't know signals that women are supposed to send out sort of look at what sex is or what is a symbol as healthy so there's a society a sort of they still according to our rules of society and interesting because we all know and love this song the internet is for porn and in Avenue Q the sex and porn is something that all people should we all know from the gino sexual gaze that of the this is for the cyborgs and the second thing is to be friends also but they can only be in a more people that are more right-wing are more