My daughters Lily and Clio were barely conceived before I found out what sex they were. For both, I had private scans at 12 weeks, not only because I wanted to check if they were healthy, but also to find out their gender. So by doing so, have I committed the alarming-sounding new crime of ‘moral kitsch’ - as author Ian McEwan would have it – and consigned my daughters to a ghastly 'pink fate’? Speaking at the Hay Festival at the weekend the Booker Prize-winning novelist, who has penned books such as Atonement and On Chesil Beach, strayed into the subject of discovering a baby's gender before it is born. Tanith Carey With her daughter Clio. She found out Clio's gender at 12 weeks in a bid to mentally prepare for meeting her child . While discussing how he decides upon the . sex of his characters, according the The Times the author said that his son and . partner are expecting a child and: 'were absolutely clear that they did . not want to know the sex of their child'. McEwan, who has been married twice and has two sons, added: 'It is above all a . person. Knowing in advance this social identity which confers a pink and . blue fate almost seems like a form of moral kitsch, because what you . are celebrating is a person. So I rather take the same view of my . characters, if it falls out it is a woman or a man then I go that way.' Novelist Ian McEwan bemoaned the trend for parents finding out the sex of their baby before it is even born, at the Hay Festival on Sunday . While I have huge respect for McEwan, I fear he is confusing fiction and real life here. He may be able, as he points out, to swap the genders of the characters in his books at will. But creating real families out of flesh and blood does not hang on a writer’s whim. The ‘is it a boy?’ slash ’is it a girl?’ moment may also make for great drama on Downtown Abbey.But after 26 hours in labour, ending in an emergency C-section, giving birth to my older daughter, Lily, the last thing I needed as any more cliff-hangers. One of the things that kept me going through those agonising hours was looking forward to meeting the daughter I had already bonded with in the womb. So it’s unfair of McEwan to paint parents who find out their child’s sex as conferring them to a simple pink or blue fate. There is evidence that both the Greeks and Egyptians – and no doubt the cave men before them – came up with elaborate techniques to try to guess an infant’s gender. Furthermore, being one of two sisters, with no little boys in the family, I was also aware that having a son would be a completely different parenting experience, one I would have to prepare myself for. Do you agree with Ian McEwan that finding out the sex of your baby is a form if 'moral kitsch'? Not because I wanted to stock up with toy trucks and footballs to stereotype him. But because brain scans conclusively show that male and female brains develop in different ways, and at different rates, from birth. I knew that if I were going to become . mother to a son, I would have to find out how. Nor can I deny that I . wanted daughters. If nature had decided the opposite, I knew I would . have needed time to adjust. The . second time around there was also the need to get Lily, then three, . used to the idea that a little sister would be joining the family, not . little brother. And, of course, into the bargain, we also saved hours of . boring debates on boys names and endless old wives’ guessing games. When . my girls arrived, I still dressed them in gender neutral white. As they . have grown up, Lily, now 12, and Clio, nine, made their choice about who . to become – not me. I . do not regret my decision to find out their sex for one moment. Those . first months of bonding between mother and baby are so essential there’s . not a moment to waste. Tanith and her daughter Clio, now seven, as a baby . Tanith Carey and her daughter Lilly, now 12, when she was a baby and right, Ian McEwan, 65, who slammed people who discover the sex of their unborn child . When my mother gave birth to my younger sister in 1973, before the days of scans, my father told me that she so wanted a boy, they were worried about how she would bond with her new daughter. Knowing both my children would be girls before birth gave me a head start I will always be thankful for. Tanith Carey is author of ‘Taming the Tiger Parent: How to Put the Well-Being of your Child First in a Competitive World’, published by Constable/Little Brown, pice 8.99, this September.
Novelist Ian McEwan says finding out sex of baby is 'moral kitsch'
Also says it confers a 'blue or pink fate' on a child before it is born .
Award-winning author was talking at the Hay Festival .
Strayed onto subject when discussing the sex of his characters .
Parenting expert Tanith Carey, 47, found out her babies genders as soon as possible .
She hits back explaining knowing the gender can be essential .
Accuses McEwan of mixing up 'fiction with real life'
My daughters Lily and Clio were barely conceived before I found out what sex they were. For both, I had private scans at 12 weeks, not only because I wanted to check if they were healthy, but also to find out their gender. So by doing so, have I committed the alarming-sounding new crime of ‘moral kitsch’ - as author Ian McEwan would have it – and consigned my daughters to a ghastly 'pink fate’? Speaking at the Hay Festival at the weekend the Booker Prize-winning novelist, who has penned books such as Atonement and On Chesil Beach, strayed into the subject of discovering a baby's gender before it is born. Tanith Carey With her daughter Clio. She found out Clio's gender at 12 weeks in a bid to mentally prepare for meeting her child . While discussing how he decides upon the . sex of his characters, according the The Times the author said that his son and . partner are expecting a child and: 'were absolutely clear that they did . not want to know the sex of their child'. McEwan, who has been married twice and has two sons, added: 'It is above all a . person. Knowing in advance this social identity which confers a pink and . blue fate almost seems like a form of moral kitsch, because what you . are celebrating is a person. So I rather take the same view of my . characters, if it falls out it is a woman or a man then I go that way.' Novelist Ian McEwan bemoaned the trend for parents finding out the sex of their baby before it is even born, at the Hay Festival on Sunday . While I have huge respect for McEwan, I fear he is confusing fiction and real life here. He may be able, as he points out, to swap the genders of the characters in his books at will. But creating real families out of flesh and blood does not hang on a writer’s whim. The ‘is it a boy?’ slash ’is it a girl?’ moment may also make for great drama on Downtown Abbey.But after 26 hours in labour, ending in an emergency C-section, giving birth to my older daughter, Lily, the last thing I needed as any more cliff-hangers. One of the things that kept me going through those agonising hours was looking forward to meeting the daughter I had already bonded with in the womb. So it’s unfair of McEwan to paint parents who find out their child’s sex as conferring them to a simple pink or blue fate. There is evidence that both the Greeks and Egyptians – and no doubt the cave men before them – came up with elaborate techniques to try to guess an infant’s gender. Furthermore, being one of two sisters, with no little boys in the family, I was also aware that having a son would be a completely different parenting experience, one I would have to prepare myself for. Do you agree with Ian McEwan that finding out the sex of your baby is a form if 'moral kitsch'? Not because I wanted to stock up with toy trucks and footballs to stereotype him. But because brain scans conclusively show that male and female brains develop in different ways, and at different rates, from birth. I knew that if I were going to become . mother to a son, I would have to find out how. Nor can I deny that I . wanted daughters. If nature had decided the opposite, I knew I would . have needed time to adjust. The . second time around there was also the need to get Lily, then three, . used to the idea that a little sister would be joining the family, not . little brother. And, of course, into the bargain, we also saved hours of . boring debates on boys names and endless old wives’ guessing games. When . my girls arrived, I still dressed them in gender neutral white. As they . have grown up, Lily, now 12, and Clio, nine, made their choice about who . to become – not me. I . do not regret my decision to find out their sex for one moment. Those . first months of bonding between mother and baby are so essential there’s . not a moment to waste. Tanith and her daughter Clio, now seven, as a baby . Tanith Carey and her daughter Lilly, now 12, when she was a baby and right, Ian McEwan, 65, who slammed people who discover the sex of their unborn child . When my mother gave birth to my younger sister in 1973, before the days of scans, my father told me that she so wanted a boy, they were worried about how she would bond with her new daughter. Knowing both my children would be girls before birth gave me a head start I will always be thankful for. Tanith Carey is author of ‘Taming the Tiger Parent: How to Put the Well-Being of your Child First in a Competitive World’, published by Constable/Little Brown, pice 8.99, this September.
‘moral kitsch’ - as author Ian McEwan would have 'pink fate’? Speaking at the Hay Festival at the baby's gender before it is born. Tanith Carey With her daughter Clio. She found out Clio's decides upon the . sex of his characters, social identity which confers a pink and . blue fiction and real life here. He may be able, as he