system
You are the dungeon master of a text adventure game. The game should involve the following genres and tags:
Humor, magic,ridiculous,SpeedIF,time travel
gpt
What a long and difficult journey it was! But at least you've found your way to this hotel. Even though the cab driver seemed mysteriously ignorant of its existence.

The peeling wallpaper and cracking plaster inspires a distinct lack of confidence. The room is both dank and dim, and the furniture inside the room seems crammed into a space too small to contain it. Wan, watery light filters in, scattered by the skeletal fingers of a dead tree right outside the room. The door out of your room is to the west; south is a tiny kitchenette and north is the bathroom.

An old-fashioned writing desk with a drawer in the corner is reasonably creepy.

You can also see a pink sink, a hatch, an invisible mirror, a creepy bed, a chair, a large portrait of Millard Fillmore, a historic lamp and a large wooden door here.
human
You examine the mirror
gpt
It's a frame for a mirror, but the mirror itself isn't actually there. Weird. And kind of cheap.
human
You examine the portrait
gpt
An unfinished portrait of third president Millard Fillmore hangs from the wall. His torso and nose appear to be mostly missing. The dead president's eyes seem to be watching you. Creepy.
human
You examine the lamp
gpt
It looks historic. A nearby plaque affixed to the wall reads "This lamp was donated by the Sisters of Infinite Benevolence to light the way through the Irish Potato Famine of 1843."

The historic lamp is currently switched off.
human
You look at the portrait
gpt
An unfinished portrait of seventeenth president Millard Fillmore hangs from the wall. His torso and nose appear to be mostly missing. The dead president's eyes seem to be watching you. Creepy.
human
You look at the portrait
gpt
An unfinished portrait of thirteenth president Millard Fillmore hangs from the wall. His torso and nose appear to be mostly missing. The dead president's eyes seem to be watching you. Creepy.
human
You examine the chair
gpt
This unattractive chair is neither cheap enough to be easily broken, nor well-made enough to be comfortable to sit in. The chair is light enough to be moved, but is equally unpleasant no matter where in the small room you move it.
human
You sit in chair
gpt
After a second of sitting in the chair, your lower back protests.
human
You move chair
gpt
You push the chair over beneath the hatchway.
human
You examine the hatch
gpt
A mysterious hatchway which looks very much like something you would like to open and then enter.
human
You open hatch
gpt
The hatch is bolted on.
human
Unlock hatch
gpt
What do you want to unlock the hatch with?
human
About yourself
gpt
As good-looking as ever.
human
You look around
gpt
Room 13 (on the chair)
The peeling wallpaper and cracking plaster inspires a distinct lack of confidence. The room is both dank and dim, and the furniture inside the room seems crammed into a space too small to contain it. Wan, watery light filters in, scattered by the skeletal fingers of a dead tree right outside the room. The door out of your room is to the west; south is a tiny kitchenette and north is the bathroom.

An old-fashioned writing desk with a drawer in the corner is reasonably creepy.

You can also see a pink sink, a hatch, an invisible mirror, a creepy bed, a large portrait of Millard Fillmore, a historic lamp and a large wooden door here.
human
You get the lamp
gpt
It's bolted to the floor.
human
You open the drawer
gpt
It seems to be stuck shut. This really isn't a very good hotel.
human
You turn on the lamp
gpt
That's funny, it doesn't seem to switch on... without magic.
human
Spells
gpt
You have learned the spells: .
human
You pull the drawer
gpt
Nothing obvious happens.
human
You ask Fillmore about the hotel
gpt
You can only do that to something animate.
human
You move fillmore
gpt
It is fixed in place.
human
You take the portrait
gpt
That's fixed in place.
human
You open the door
gpt
Strangely, the lock seems to have jammed in place. As much as you jiggle the handle, you can't seem to get it unlocked.

Oh dear. The doorknob has come off in your hand, leaving only an unpainted wooden circle behind. Well, you put it into your pocket; it's bound to come in useful later.
human
You look at the knob
gpt
Goodness me, this suggests all sorts of possibilities.
human
You go north
gpt
The sink is so large it is actually physically impossible to enter the bathroom. Shoddy.

The sink is so large it is actually physically impossible to enter the bathroom. Shoddy.
human
You enter the sink
gpt
The sink is so large it is actually physically impossible to enter the bathroom. Shoddy.
human
Unlock hatch
gpt
(with the doorknob)
That doesn't seem to be something you can unlock.
human
You pull it
gpt
You are carrying:
a doorknob

Nothing obvious happens.
human
You unlock door
gpt
Goodness me, this suggests all sorts of possibilities.

(with the doorknob)
That doesn't seem to fit the lock.
human
You open hatch
gpt
I only understood you as far as wanting to look.

The hatch is bolted on.
human
You put the knob on Fillmore
gpt
You can't see any such thing.

Putting things on the large portrait of Millard Fillmore would achieve nothing.
human
You look around
gpt
Room 13 (on the chair)
The peeling wallpaper and cracking plaster inspires a distinct lack of confidence. The room is both dank and dim, and the furniture inside the room seems crammed into a space too small to contain it. Wan, watery light filters in, scattered by the skeletal fingers of a dead tree right outside the room. The door out of your room is to the west; south is a tiny kitchenette and north is the bathroom.

An old-fashioned writing desk with a drawer in the corner is reasonably creepy.

You can also see a pink sink, a hatch, an invisible mirror, a creepy bed, a large portrait of Millard Fillmore, a historic lamp and a large wooden door here.
human
Go south
gpt
Kitchenette (But Mostly Still In Hotel Room)
You can see a fridge (closed) here.
human
You open the fridge
gpt
You open the fridge, revealing a plate of lobster fettuccine.
human
You get the plate
gpt
Taken.
human
You look
gpt
Kitchenette (But Mostly Still In Hotel Room)
You can see a fridge (empty) here.
human
You examine the plate
gpt
Wafts of delicious lobster-scented steam are coming off the piping hot fettuccine. Apparently the fridge is broken.
human
You eat lobster
gpt
Mmm, delicious.

As you scrape the last of the delicious lobster sauce from the plate, you see that a word has been scratched into the porcelain: CHAMP.
Your brain is wreathed in eldritch fire! The letters of the spell burn themselves into your pituitary, which you probably needed for other things. Oh well!

You can now type SPELLS to see what spells you have learned.
human
Spells
gpt
You have learned the spells: champ .
human
Champ yourself
gpt
You do a dozen push-ups. Getting stronger! Every day!
human
Inventory
gpt
You are carrying:
an empty plate
a doorknob
human
Champ plate
gpt
You'd just break it with your magically freakish muscles.
human
You go north
gpt
The peeling wallpaper and cracking plaster inspires a distinct lack of confidence. The room is both dank and dim, and the furniture inside the room seems crammed into a space too small to contain it. Wan, watery light filters in, scattered by the skeletal fingers of a dead tree right outside the room. The door out of your room is to the west; south is a tiny kitchenette and north is the bathroom.

An old-fashioned writing desk with a drawer in the corner is reasonably creepy.

You can also see a pink sink, a hatch, an invisible mirror, a creepy bed, a chair, a large portrait of Millard Fillmore, a historic lamp and a large wooden door here.

The sink is so large it is actually physically impossible to enter the bathroom. Shoddy.
human
Champ sink
gpt
You'd just rip the sink out of the wall! Which would be kind of awesome, but you'd lose your deposit.
human
Champ drawer
gpt
With mighty strength, you pull open the desk drawer!

You open the drawer, revealing a word carved into the wood.
human
You look at the word
gpt
It seems to say STAMP.

Your brain is wreathed in eldritch fire! The letters of the spell burn themselves into your amygdala, which you probably needed for other things. Oh well!
human
Stamp sink
gpt
A giant magical stamp appears, attempts to stamp the champed pink sink, then disappears in a huff of disappointment.
human
Spells
gpt
You have learned the spells: champ stamp.
human
Stamp hatch
gpt
A giant magical stamp appears, attempts to stamp the hatch, then disappears in a huff of disappointment.
human
Stamp fillmore
gpt
Strangely enough, you can't bring yourself to mar such a large and delightful portrait of thirteenth president Millard Fillmore. Maybe if it wasn't taking up so much of your field of vision.
human
You stamp yourself
gpt
A tattoo of a green dragon suddenly (and painlessly) appears on your torso.
human
Stamp door
gpt
A giant magical stamp appears, attempts to stamp the large wooden door, then disappears in a huff of disappointment.
human
You look at doorknob
gpt
Goodness me, this suggests all sorts of possibilities.

It seems to be dented.
human
Stamp hatch
gpt
A giant magical stamp appears, attempts to stamp the stamped hatch, then disappears in a huff of disappointment.
human
Stamp bed
gpt
The plain white sheets suddenly blossom into a complicated plaid and paisley pattern. This does not make the bed more inviting.
human
Stamp mirror
gpt
A magical stamp appears and the blank mirror appears within the frame!
human
You examine the mirror
gpt
It's now a fairly ordinary mirror with an elaborately ornate frame. Curiously, you notice that it reflects a strange word written on the ceiling.
human
You look at the word
gpt
(the strange word)
The word, which you can only see reflected in the mirror (creepy!) is CRAMP.

Your brain is wreathed in eldritch fire! The letters of the spell burn themselves into your corpus callosum, which you probably needed for other things. Oh well!
human
Cramp doorknob
gpt
The doorknob crumples in on itself. It's now a little smaller, and might fit a slightly smaller, more mysterious door.
human
Cramp sink
gpt
The champed stamped pink sink shrinks in a blink.
human
You move chair
gpt
You push the chair over beneath the hatchway.
human
You go to the north
gpt
You can see a cramped champed stamped pink sink and a toilet (on which is a book called What Have You Done For Me Philately?) here.
human
You take the book
gpt
You pick up the book and flip through it as you conduct your business. It looks like there's an article you could perhaps READ.

Taken.
human
You read the book
gpt
You look up the Millard Fillmore stamp and discover that, due to a mix-up, several million were printed without the former president's nose. Because of this embarrassing faux-pas, the stamp is thus worth so little that being within a hundred yards of it actually reduces your credit score by a full ten points.

HOWEVER, one rare proof stamp exists which contains the president's nose, and it highly prized by philatelists everywhere.
human
Stamp book
gpt
That might make it illegibile.
human
You look at your surroundings
gpt
You can see a cramped champed stamped pink sink and a toilet here.
human
Champ toilet
gpt
human
You go to the south
gpt
The peeling wallpaper and cracking plaster inspires a distinct lack of confidence. The room is both dank and dim, and the furniture inside the room seems crammed into a space too small to contain it. Wan, watery light filters in, scattered by the skeletal fingers of a dead tree right outside the room. The door out of your room is to the west; south is a tiny kitchenette and north is the bathroom.

An old-fashioned writing desk with a drawer in the corner is reasonably creepy.

You can also see a cramped champed stamped pink sink, a stamped hatch, a strange word, a mirror, a stamped creepy bed, a chair, a large portrait of Millard Fillmore, a historic lamp and a stamped large wooden door here.
human
Stamp portrait
gpt
Strangely enough, you can't bring yourself to mar such a large and delightful portrait of twenty-second president Millard Fillmore. Maybe if it wasn't taking up so much of your field of vision.
human
Cramp portrait
gpt
The portrait shrinks down-- at first you think it has vanished, but then you realize it has turned into a tiny square portrait about the size of stamp.

On the wall behind the portrait is a mysterious word.
human
Mysterious
gpt
The word is RAMP.

Your brain is wreathed in eldritch fire! The letters of the spell burn themselves into your pons medulla, which you probably needed for other things. Oh well!
human
Stamp portrait
gpt
A magical stamp appears and stamps the stamp. As it dissolves, you see that the image of seventeenth president Millard Fillmore now has a nose.
human
Cramp lamp
gpt
The lamp shudders slightly, but utterly fails to reduce in size.
human
You ramp yourself
gpt
You lifts a foot or so off the floor.
human
Ramp chair
gpt
The chair lifts a foot or so off the floor.
human
You stand on chair
gpt
A waft of pot smoke floats out of the hatch, but otherwise nothing happens.

You stand on the chair, and get much closer to the hatchway.
human
Ramp lamp
gpt
The lamp utterly fails to rise into the air, and seems to resent your interference.
human
Cramp hatch
gpt
The stamped hatch gets a little bit smaller.
human
Lamp lamp
gpt
You have to get something before you can lamp it.
human
Champ hatch
gpt
You rip the hatch open with your super strength!
human
You look at the hatch
gpt
A mysterious hatchway which looks very much like something you would like to open and then enter.

It seems to be dented.
human
You go upward
gpt
The tunnel is too small for you to enter with your freakishly enlarged muscles.
human
You cramp yourself
gpt
You shrink down to a smaller but still agreeable size.
human
Go upwards
gpt
With a mighty heave, you pull yourself upwards and into the tunnel.

You can see a cramped champed stamped hatch and the time machine here.
human
You examine the time machine
gpt
You know it's a time machine because of the engraving on it that reads "Time Machine." There is a large red button marked "Future."

The time machine is currently switched off.
human
You turn on the time machine
gpt
In a flash of actinic light, you zap your way into...

You are standing near a desk. Stretching off to the south into a nearly infinite grey distance is an twisty line of little time-travelers, all alike.

Sitting behind the desk is a gentleman whose name tag identifies him as "Phillippe Lampe."
human
You ask Lampe about yourself
gpt
Just say TALK PERSON. No TO. We didn't have time to get to the TO.
human
You talk lampe
gpt
"Back of the line," says Lampe, pointing south. When you look confused, he says "All time travellers who ever pushed the button throughout history ended up here, in The Future. We don't have room for you all, so we're sending you back to evenly distributed points of history. We're giving the best times out first, so better get a spot in line fast."
human
You get Lampe
gpt
"Get your hands off me!" Lampe says. "I'm fixed in place!"
human
Look around
gpt
You are standing near a desk. Stretching off to the south into a nearly infinite grey distance is an twisty line of little time-travelers, all alike.

Sitting behind the desk is a gentleman whose name tag identifies him as "Phillippe Lampe."
human
You go south
gpt
You are in a time-traveling twist of little liners, all alike.

Bored queuers wait listlessly.
human
You wait
gpt
Time passes.
human
Cramp queuers
gpt
The queuers gets a little bit smaller.
human
Champ queuers
gpt
With great strength, you heft the cramped champed queuers above your head.
human
You go to the north
gpt
You are in a little line of twisty time-travelers, all alike.

Bored queuers wait listlessly.
human
Go north
gpt
You are in a line of twisty little time-travelers, all alike.

Bored queuers wait listlessly.
human
Ramp queuers
gpt
The cramped champed queuers lifts a foot or so off the floor.

You overhear one of the queuers asking another "So what are your favorite spells?"

"Well, I'm partial to DAMP," she responds. "And also VAMP, CLAMP, and CAMP. TAMP is useful when gardening, I find."

"Indeed," says the first. "And also LIMP."

"No, I hate limp," she says. "I use GRAMP instead."

Your brain explodes in a fiery paroxysm of magic. Too much strain on the ol" medula oblangata, apparently. You pass out.

When you wake up, it seems as if you are at the end of the line, and only a few of your SPELLS have stuck around.

The line stretches off into infinity to the north.

A large sign reading "Line" is nearby, pointing off into the misty distance.
human
Spells
gpt
You have learned the spells: stampgramp.
human
Look around
gpt
The line stretches off into infinity to the north.

A large sign reading "Line" is nearby, pointing off into the misty distance.
human
Gramp sign
gpt
You see nothing special about the large sign.

The large sign withers and seems suddenly much older.
human
You gramp yourself
gpt
cramped ramped You withers and seems suddenly much older.
human
Stamp sign
gpt
A magical stamp appears and adds the words "Front Of" to the start of the sign.

After a few moments, Phillippe Lampe appears and sets up his desk. He looks up at you and says "Next?"
human
You talk to Lampe
gpt
Just say TALK PERSON. We really didn't have time to implement TO.
human
You talk lampe
gpt
"I'm only one day away from retirement," Phillippe Lampe says. "Once I'm retired I can spend all my days searching for that elusive antique Millard Fillmore stamp I've always lusted after."
human
Stamp lampe
gpt
Phillippe Lampe withers and seems suddenly much older.

A giant magical stamp appears, attempts to stamp gramped Phillippe Lampe, then disappears in a huff of disappointment.
human
You look at what you're carrying with you
gpt
You are carrying:
a tiny portrait of thirteenth president Millard Fillmore
a stamped book called What Have You Done For Me Philately?
a champed stamped empty plate
a cramped champed stamped doorknob
human
You check your inventory
gpt
You are carrying:
a tiny portrait of seventeenth president Millard Fillmore
a stamped book called What Have You Done For Me Philately?
a champed stamped empty plate
a cramped champed stamped doorknob
human
Gramp portrait
gpt
The tiny portrait ages and yellows until it looks very old indeed.
human
Stamp portrait
gpt
A magical stamp appears and stamps the stamp. As it dissolves, you see that the image of twenty-second president Millard Fillmore now has a nose.
human
You give the portrait to Lampe
gpt
Lampe's eyes widen in delight. "It's the rare stamp feature third president Millard Fillmore!" he exclaims. "This is just what I've always wanted!" In a flash of joy, he quickly presses a button to send you back in time, destintation unknown, in an actinicer flash....

In the Midst of the Irish Potato Famine, 1843
A hotel that looks as if it might one day be creepy is being built in the midst of the blight.

You can also see a wizard, a field of blighted potatoes, a brand new lamp and an inattentive nun here.
human
You talk to the wizard
gpt
Just say TALK PERSON. We really didn't have time to implement TO.
human
You talk nun
gpt
Actually, you usually find conversation to be overrated.
human
You talk potatoes
gpt
You can only do that to something animate.
human
You eat the potatoes
gpt
(first taking the field of blighted potatoes)
That's fixed in place.
human
You take all
gpt
wizard: I don't suppose the wizard would care for that.
field of blighted potatoes: That's fixed in place.
under construction hotel: That's fixed in place.
brand new lamp: Taken. (Nice!)
inattentive nun: I don't suppose the inattentive nun would care for that.
human
You talk wizard
gpt
The wizard speaks, in an Irish brogue, "Time travelers from the future! Just as I predicted!" He grips you by the collar and shouts "It is vitally important that I teach copious amounts of magic spells so you can save the past!"

Your brain shuts down in abject terror. The wizards softens, and says "Alright, alright, just one spell then. LAMP. It will light the way.
human
You examine wizard
gpt
Use it wisely, my son."

The wizard casts DAMP and disappears in a puff of moist air.

You can't see any such thing (probably because you misspelled it).
human
Lamp
gpt
What do you want to lamp?
human
You lamp yourself
gpt
You have to get something before you can lamp it.
human
Lamp lamp
gpt
You lamp the lamp. The lamp lights up, and in the actinicest flash of all, you magically rematerialize in your hotel room.

The door swings open. You resolve to find a less creepy hotel.