system
You are the dungeon master of a text adventure game. The game should involve the following genres and tags:
Humor,Romance, cover art,kissing,linear,Mini-comp,parser,romance,SmoochieComp,Xyzzy Awards 2001,XYZZY Best Individual PC
gpt
The grand ballroom is awhirl with colour and gaiety on this, the night of the annual Governor's Ball. All of the choice mademoiselles are spinning in their lace finery, bewitching upright young suitors, lined up five deep to kiss a wrist.

The Kissing Bandit has other plans, though. First, he must be cautious. Find a fetching femme who has parted from her company, to rest alone in a shaded alcove. Or perhaps take a stroll on the veranda. Yes, perhaps... ah, you twirl your moustaches with delight. The Kissing Bandit shall have no trouble tonight finding a pair of pert lips, ready for a stolen kiss...

[Hit return or space to continue.]
human
Twirl moustache
gpt
You twirl your moustaches. Ha-HA!
human
You examine the moustache
gpt
The moustache conceals your identity and adds a touch of melodrama to the Kissing Bandit's appearance, you do think.

A lovely young demoiselle, looking in her ruffled ball gown like a plenteous dish of peaches and whipped cream, parts from the general company. Fanning herself, she retreats to the west.
human
About you
gpt
Ha-HA! No one will ever guess the identity of the Kissing Bandit! Not even... uh... yourself!
human
You kiss yourself
gpt
The Kissing Bandit kiss himself? Preposterous!
human
You look at Wellingtons
gpt
Which do you mean, the London Wellingtons or the Boston Wellingtons?
human
Go west
gpt
Grand Ballroom, southwest corner
This corner of the ballroom is cool and shaded, with a russet portico leading west to a series of private salons.

Young Peaches-and-Cream stands here, fanning herself lightly.
human
You look at the Peaches
gpt
Why, it's little Lily Whitestone herself! She's chanced to escape the plump pursed lips of the Kissing Bandit on other occasions... but no one ever escapes your kisses for long!
human
Inventory
gpt
You are carrying:
a black mask (being worn)
a fake moustache (being worn)
a pair of buckled boots (being worn)
a velvet cloak (being worn)
a rakish hat (being worn)
a locket (being worn and closed)
a grouch bag (being worn)
human
You examine the grouch
gpt
The grouch bag is special; a magician once gave it to you in return for helping him escape from persecutors. It is small and light, made of oiled leather. You have found that it can hold many things, including your entire costume -- cloak, boots, and all.

You find nothing of interest.
human
You look at the hat
gpt
The rakish hat is becomingly sly.
human
Doff hat
gpt
You take off the rakish hat.
human
You wear it
gpt
You put on the rakish hat.
human
You examine the boots
gpt
Ah, these are magic boots, boots full of secrets. They allow the Kissing Bandit to move swiftly and silently; to sneak and to steal close without detection; to climb and jump like a jackrabbit; and to run with the fleetness of quicksilver.
human
You look at the mask
gpt
The black mask protects your identity.
human
Twirl moustache
gpt
You twirl your moustaches. Ha-HA!
human
Dance
gpt
You dance in an intoxicated swirl for a few minutes, and then return, laughing, to where you started.
human
You look at your surroundings
gpt
Grand Ballroom, southwest corner
This corner of the ballroom is cool and shaded, with a russet portico leading west to a series of private salons.

Lily Whitestone is here.
human
Kiss lily
gpt
You steal closer, closer, closer... and plant a juicy one right on her gleaming rosebud lips! She makes a tiny squealing noise that stops short, her lips tighten as her face pulls into a smile.

Lily Whitestone, a smiler -- imagine!

But, now it is time to flee. With a twirl of your cape and a bow, you steal away into the night...

[Hit return or space to continue.]
Garden park
The luscious gardens, abloom in the early spring, send forth their heady aromas on the nuzzling breezes. Aloft, too, are the erotic perfumes of the finely dressed ladies in white, walking two by two in the early eve, innocent as does, poised as summer swans.

A choice maiden sits alone on a bench, reading a steamy novel by gaslight. Mwuhaha-HA! The Smooching Bandit has chosen his second of the evening. A burning buss on those pink smackers will do, will surely do...
human
You examine novel
gpt
You recognise it at once, for it is penned by your own hand! A great, passionate work, published under a pseudonym, of course. And here sits one of your captive audience, immersed in the florid prose of Chapter 10! If only she knew... ha-HA! If only she knew!
human
You examine lips
gpt
Blushed and full... She bites them softly as she reads...
human
You ask maiden about the novel
gpt
The Kissing Bandit prefers to refrain from conversation, to preserve the mystery...
human
You get novel
gpt
That seems to belong to the maiden.
human
You examine the locket
gpt
The locket is made of carved gold, inlaid with delicate ornaments. You can't see inside, since the locket is closed.
human
You open the locket
gpt
Opening the locket reveals a silhouette and a tiny lock of brown hair.

Ah! Your heart breaks once again over your one true lost love! Fair Marianne, twas you that spurned my love, flaming a fury that turned one simple boy into this dashing rogue, that steals kisses by night! If only I could find you...
human
You examine silhouette
gpt
It is a silhouette of Marianne, the fair creature that broke your heart. It is the only image you have of her. Even your memories of her face have been blurred by tears.
human
You examine the lock
gpt
A lock of Marianne's hair. The gently curved strands catch the light in autumn colours of brown, red, and gold.
human
Kiss silhouette
gpt
You kiss the silhouette; it is, alas, a pale imitation. It leaves ashes in your mouth.
human
You shout in the maiden's lughole
gpt
(to the maiden)
That isn't something you can talk to.
human
Dance
gpt
You dance in an intoxicated swirl for a few minutes, and then return, laughing, to where you started.
human
Kiss maiden
gpt
Ah, before the kiss, you must sneak! Sneak east, then around the tree, then up from behind...
human
Sneak
gpt
You sneak east. The pale line of the maiden's neck glows in the twilight. Perhaps the Kissing Bandit should kiss the neck, not the lips? Ah...!

The Bandit stations himself sneakily behind a tree. The maiden stirs, looks left and right, but not behind. Her head tilts down again, her eyes on the page. The Bandit's eyes are on her shoulders, spilling down their slopes. The benchwood blocks further views -- until a slight movement reveals the slender crescent of her neck once again.

Time now to steal forward. The sneaking is the best part.
human
You steal
gpt
(a kiss)
Where do you want to kiss her, on her graceful neck or on her rosy lips?
human
Lips
gpt
You lean around, catching her by surprise! Your mouths touch, but the maiden resists! Your puckered lips frighten her, and why shouldn't they?

"The Bandit! The Bandit!" she shrieks. So -- she has heard of the Kissing Bandit! You cannot help but be flattered, and so you smile. At the sight of your pearly teeth, the maiden gasps and takes off running to the west.

You leap atop the bench and cry, "Ha-ha-HA! You cannot escape the Kissing Bandit!"
human
Kiss neck
gpt
You lean in, but the maiden feels your hot breath on her neck and whirls!

"The Bandit! The Bandit!" she shrieks. So -- she has heard of the Kissing Bandit! You cannot help but be flattered, and so you smile. At the sight of your pearly teeth, the maiden gasps and takes off running to the west.

You leap atop the bench and cry, "Ha-ha-HA! You cannot escape the Kissing Bandit!"
human
Sneak
gpt
You sneak up right behind the maiden. You are invisible to her! The Kissing Bandit never betrays himself until the moment of the kiss... the inevitable kiss...
human
Go west
gpt
The maiden runs, but she is not too fast. Touching a secret button on your lapel, the boots release hidden springworks, lending superhuman fleetness to your stride.

The maiden looks behind, sees you gaining, and nearly swoons. Surely it is your gleaming mustaches that frighten her! She recovers and runs to the north, her hair shaking down into shimmering tresses.
human
Go north
gpt
My, but this one is fast. "Hold, fair maiden! Must you fear the Kissing Bandit? Ha-Ha-HA!" you shout.

The maiden cries, "Oh! Oh!" and races onward, north towards the tower.
human
You go north
gpt
The maiden begins to climb the tower! Never has the Kissing Bandit pursued such a worthy quarry! A simple twist of your boot buckles, and the powerful magnets in the soles are activated. Climbing this tower shall be no more trouble to the Kissing Bandit than walking, you smirk to yourself.
human
You climb tower
gpt
Indeed, this maiden is a superior athlete! You would be almost jealous if her determination to escape were not so invigorating! You climb swiftly, nearly reaching her flashing bare ankles... !

"Don't follow me!" she warns. So haughty, even now!
human
You examine the maiden
gpt
The maiden is just above you, scaling the tower with admirable speed!
human
You climb tower
gpt
The maiden reaches the top of the tower! She stands full in the moonlight, defiant. She kicks at your hands as you scale the last rungs of the tower, but you anticipate, you dodge.

"There is nowhere for you to run now!" you say. "So here shall I steal my gentle kiss...!"
human
Kiss maiden
gpt
At the last moment, she turns her head, and your kiss lands her on the cheek, hot breath from your nostrils puffing in her exposed ear. The Kissing Bandit has struck again... Oops!

The maiden screams, a piercing whistle in your ear! She rubs her cheek madly with her kerchief. "Gross! My cheek is all slobbery!" She shoves at you, and you fall, you fall from the tower!

[Hit return or space to continue.]
human
Look around
gpt
Playground, tower base
The tower stands here, a protective cage of steel, sturdily erected in the soil and gravel.
human
You check what you're carrying
gpt
You are carrying:
a black mask (being worn)
a fake moustache (being worn)
a pair of buckled boots (being worn)
a velvet cloak (being worn)
a rakish hat (being worn)
a locket (being worn and open)
a silhouette
a tiny lock of brown hair
a grouch bag (being worn)
human
You run
gpt
You'll have to say which compass direction to go in.
human
You go east
gpt
"Harold Finster!" Uh oh. It's Constable Adams! You climb inside the bars of the tower where she can't get you. "No one can catch the Kissing Bandit!" you bellow.

Miss Adams storms up. "Get out of there this minute, Harold. I'm not kidding." She grabs you by the arm and pushes her face close to yours. "If you don't come out in five seconds, I'm going to come in and carry you out, and not necessarily in one piece!"

Her face, her skin, so lovely... perhaps the Kissing Bandit could strike again, even now?
human
Kiss constable adams
gpt
You lean through the bars and give her a big smack right on the gob. Her eyes fly wide open, becoming two great orbs, beaming invisible rays of heat death right at you. Good thing your special cloak protects you.

"That does it!" shouts a purpling Miss Adams. "Harold Finster, I don't know what's gotten into you, but I've had complaints from at least three girls today. You're going to the principal's office right now!"

Miss Adams pulls you out of the monkey bars drags you inside. The chief constable has been waiting to catch the Smooching Bandit for years, and now you're being delivered into his fiendish clutches. You'll be locked in the detention tower for sure, but first, interrogation and torture.

You scoff. The Smooching Bandit can withstand anything for the sake of a kiss... One day, he will be free to strike again!

[Hit return or space to continue.]
"Except then came the unkindest cut of all, a wound deep to the heart of the Kissing Bandit! Something even he could not withstand! For there, at the edge of the schoolyard, laughing at him, mocking him in word an gesture, stood Mary Anne Mackelroy! Oh, surely the unkindest cut of all!

'He gives slobbery smooches,' she teased. 'And he always smells like raisins. Eww!'

'Ah, fair Marianne -- ' choked the Bandit as he was led away, his spirit now broken. 'Marianne... '"

"And?" Jenny asks, looking at you like you're a little bit nuts.

"And, that's the end of the Tale of the Kissing Bandit," you say, shrugging. You prop yourself up on one elbow to adjust your pillow. You lie your head down on it, your goofy smile aimed at the ceiling. "That's the end."
human
You look at Jenny
gpt
She looks lovely in this light. Her face is a little shiny, and her hair is a bit tussled, but there's no denying the affect her warm smile has on you tonight. Man, you're still as crazy about her as ever.

"That was stupid," Jenny says.

You're a little hurt by that. "No it wasn't!" you protest. "Besides, what do you expect when you ask me to make something up off the top of my head?"

"You were supposed to come up with something romantic."

"Well, I thought it was funny-romantic. And I liked the twist ending."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she says, "You and your twist endings."
human
Kiss Jenny
gpt
"So," you say, as you give Jenny a little kiss. "Did you like my story or not?"

"mmm," she says. "Kiss me again and I'll tell you."
human
Kiss Jenny
gpt
You give Jenny a better, longer kiss. She smiles. You chuckle.

"What's funny?" Jenny asks.

"You're a smiler, just like Lily Whitestone-- Ack!." She pokes you in the ribs.

"Just kiss me again, or I'll really let you have it."
human
Kiss Jenny
gpt
You kiss for several minutes, finally breaking for some fresh air. "Happy Valentine's Day," you say.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Jenny says. "I love you."

"I love you too," you say. "I adore you."

"That's so sweet," she says. "Thank you. And thank you for the story." She sneaks across the room on tip-toes and blows out the candle.

It is now pitch dark in here!

Bedroom, in darkness (on the bed)
It's dark, and you can't see a thing except the faintly glowing outline of the bedroom window shade, which is drawn shut.

You feel Jenny climb back onto the foot of the bed. She rubs her hands on your legs. "Okay, my turn again," she says.

"Okay, your turn," you hear yourself echo.
human
Kiss Jenny
gpt
Nothing to do but wait.
human
You wait awhile
gpt
Nothing left to do. Time passes.

Jenny crawls higher.
human
Notes
gpt
N = next subjectP = previous
RETURN = read subject  Q = resume game

> About the game
Dedication
Enough already
The Kissing Bandit
Amusing
Apology
The Tale of the Kissing Bandit was written and programmed by J. Robinson Wheeler. One of these days, it would be nice to actually take enough time writing a game that I get to flesh it out as fully as originally conceived.

If you enjoyed this game, I would love to hear from you. Send comments and reports to rob.wheeler@stanfordalumni.org.

N = next subjectP = previous
RETURN = read subject  Q = resume game

> About the game
Dedication
Enough already
The Kissing Bandit
Amusing
Apology
human
Go north
gpt
N = next subjectP = previous
RETURN = read subject  Q = resume game

> Dedication
Enough already
The Kissing Bandit
Amusing
Apology
To Emily Short, who passive-aggressively forced me to finish, even though I had already decided I didn't have time to. The rather thin and spotty implementation, empty rooms, and suchlike are to be blamed on this mad, last-ditch effort to please.

N = next subjectP = previous
RETURN = read subject  Q = resume game

> Dedication
Enough already
The Kissing Bandit
Amusing
Apology
human
Go north
gpt
N = next subjectP = previous
RETURN = read subject  Q = resume game

> Enough already
The Kissing Bandit
Amusing
Apology
human
Flee
gpt
The Kissing Bandit grows suffocated by these surroundings! With a dashing twirl of your cape, you turn and steal away into the night ...

[Hit return or space to continue.]
Garden park
The luscious gardens, abloom in the early spring, send forth their heady aromas on the nuzzling breezes. Aloft, too, are the erotic perfumes of the finely dressed ladies in white, walking two by two in the early eve, innocent as does, poised as summer swans.

A choice maiden sits alone on a bench, reading a steamy novel by gaslight. Mwuhaha-HA! The Smooching Bandit has at last chosen his first of the evening. A burning buss on those pink smackers will do, will surely do...
human
You get it
gpt
(on with the maiden)
Good heavens! The Kissing Bandit's intentions stop at the innocent kiss!
human
Go south
gpt
Emerson Hotel, second floor
Vast crimson carpeting tongues outward from the mouth of the ballroom portal and sprials slowly clockwise down the broad staircase to the public lobby of the hotel.
human
You go north
gpt
Grand Ballroom, south side
The grand ballroom of the Emerson Hotel is a busy spin of high society's young and old. Exits lead in all directions.

A lovely young demoiselle, looking in her ruffled ball gown like a plenteous dish of peaches and whipped cream, parts from the general company. Fanning herself, she retreats to the west.
human
You go downward
gpt
It would be wise to remove your disguise before you attempt to leave through the hotel's front doors.
human
You go to the north
gpt
Grand Ballroom, south side
The grand ballroom of the Emerson Hotel is a busy spin of high society's young and old. Exits lead in all directions.
human
You go east
gpt
Grand Ballroom, southeast corner
This corner of the ballroom is warm and redolent of potent beverages, which are being served behind a mirrored bar. Sulty night air from the open veranda doors to the north gives the area a dreamlike feel.
human
You go west
gpt
This slightly curved parlour room with gold, ornamented wallpaper and settees with silk pillows provides an intermediate sitting area, bathed in yellow candlelight. Seating is plentiful, and a set of private salon doors lead northwest and west. A doorless portal leads north. The door to the west is closed; the other is open.
human
You go north
gpt
The curt spice of Turkish tobacco raids your senses and leaves them stinging. The ceiling is sooty from years of cigar and cigarette smoke, as are the paintings -- one of which has recently been moved, revealing a rectangular outline of a cleaner, lighter wall behind. Old books, charged with acidic odours, stand yellowing on ceiling-high bookcases. Large, masculine furnishings form a circle in the center of the room. A short, camouflaged door lies uniquely hidden between two of the bookcases on the east wall.
human
Examine books
gpt
There are many books here. You have no interest in taking any -- neither a borrower nor a lender be, after all. You content yourself to scan the shelves, as if browsing in a bookstore.
human
You search the books
gpt
Your eye alights on a volume titled, "Mende Thy Wicked Waies" by the Rev. E. Arthur Shropshire.
human
You read book
gpt
Your gaze falls on a novel called, "Journey to Damascus" by Marcus T. Parella.
human
You read the journey
gpt
What do you want to read in?
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye picks out a book titled, "Of Opticks and the Grinding of Lenses" by Otto Seymour.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your gaze falls on a rare scientific volume detailing the mating habits of small rodents.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye picks out a volume called, "From Alpha to Omega: A Theological History" by Onislav Woczyknikzi.
human
You look at the wall
gpt
(the cleaner rectangle)
The lighter surface of the wall has been revealed partially behind the watercolour painting.
human
You look at the painting
gpt
There are four paintings: two portraits, a still life, and a watercolour landscape.
human
You get it
gpt
That's hardly portable.
human
You read the books
gpt
You come across a tome titled, "Essentials of Living" by Emerson Frost and Walter Pratt.
human
You feel the wall
gpt
(the cleaner rectangle)
You feel nothing unexpected.
human
You read read the books
gpt
What do you want to read in?
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye picks out a book on the subject of European cheesemakers in the fourteenth through sixteenth centuries.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye alights on a volume concerning European cheesemakers in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries.
human
You read the books
gpt
You come across a tome entitled, "Discoveries in Human Anatomy" by Charles Edmund Hawthorne, Percy C. Blake and Daniel Merriwether.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye picks out a volume called, "How to Host a Dinner Party" by K. Somerset.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye alights on a volume titled, "Joy of Life, Pain of Death" by Nathan Feinberg.
human
You read the books
gpt
You come across a tome dedicated to the study of apian migratory patterns.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your gaze falls on a book titled, "Lancaster, Leominster, and Leicester" by L. Lawrence Lilly.
human
You read the books
gpt
You come across a volume on the subject of Mediterranean shipping channels.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye picks out a volume titled, "Take a Holiday" by John McCormack.
human
You read the books
gpt
You come across a tome titled, "Papacy in the Middle Ages" by Nathan Pendleton and Franklin Cromwell.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye alights on a biography of Martin Luther.
human
You move painting
gpt
Those are fixed in place.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye picks out a book titled, "Keeper of the Flame" by Reginald Tuchs.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your gaze falls on a book on the subject of stone age tools and weaponry.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye picks out a volume called, "Vesuvius" by Carl Raft.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye alights on a book titled "A Critical Guide to Modern Shakespeare" by Orson Stonecraft.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye alights on a volume titled, "The Compleat Francis Bacon" by Thomas G. King.
human
You read the books
gpt
You come across a volume concerning Da Vinci's unfinished horse sculpture.
human
You read the books
gpt
You come across a volume called, "Raphael and Titian" by Marcus Polsky.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your gaze falls on a book on the subject of eel fishing.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye picks out a volume titled, "The Discoveries of Tycho Brahe, Volume II" by Francis M. Grant and R. M. McKellen.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye alights on a volume on the subject of the steam engines.
human
You read the books
gpt
You come across a volume called, "A Practical Guide to Lockpicking" by George Mason.
human
You read the books
gpt
You come across a volume concerning Shakespeare's history plays.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye picks out a book titled, "Mozart and Freemasonry" by Casper Peabody.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye alights on a book titled, "Gutenberg's Printing Press" by Harrison Alexander.
human
You read the books
gpt
You come across a volume on the subject of animal husbandry.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your gaze falls on a book on the subject of sainthood in the early Christian church.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye picks out a book titled, "Avalanche of Reason: The Era of Enlightened Thinking" by Dr. David A. Kelly.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye alights on a book on the subject of Cambridge University.
human
You read the books
gpt
Your eye picks out a volume titled, "The Edge of the Earth: The Voyages of Magellan" by Percival MacManus.
human
You open the door
gpt
You open the door.
human
You go east
gpt
Grand Ballroom, west side
This side of the ballroom is much cooler than the other, although there is not much circulation of the air.

A thick, forest-green drapery conceals a small private door -- perfectly concealed to all but the trained eyes of the Kissing Bandit.
human
You examine private
gpt
The door leads west out of the ballroom.
human
Go west
gpt
The curt spice of Turkish tobacco raids your senses and leaves them stinging. The ceiling is sooty from years of cigar and cigarette smoke, as are the paintings -- one of which has recently been moved, revealing a rectangular outline of a cleaner, lighter wall behind. Old books, charged with acidic odours, stand yellowing on ceiling-high bookcases. Large, masculine furnishings form a circle in the center of the room. The door to the ballroom is open to the east.
human
You search the wall
gpt
(the cleaner rectangle)
You find nothing of interest.
human
Attack wall
gpt
(the cleaner rectangle)
Violence isn't the answer to this one.
human
You kick the wall
gpt
(the cleaner rectangle)
Save it for the bugs.
human
You examine the paintings
gpt
There are four paintings: two portraits, a still life, and a watercolour landscape.
human
You move the portrait
gpt
Which do you mean, the portrait of an imperious old gentleman or the portrait of a handsome woman?
human
Imperious
gpt
It is fixed in place.
human
You examine it
gpt
The gentleman has moustaches rivaling yours, only his are naturally grown. White-haired, face creased with wise lines, cupping a pocketwatch with one hand and a walking stick in the other, he is clearly a man of worldly accomplishment and power.
human
You look at handsome
gpt
Not just any woman do you consider handsome; this one you verily do. In her frocks and blouse, velvet and silk, steely posture, square chin upthrust, eyes lightly lidded, black hair immaculately fitted into a bun with not a single stray strand, she bespeaks of primness, prudishness, probity, and virtue. At the same time, she looks as if she were probably sour company, but it is often difficult to judge a person by their painted portrait; the artist always lends his own bias to the character. Artists, after all, must make choices in order to make art.
human
You remove the mask
gpt
You take off the black mask.
human
You remove all
gpt
door: That's hardly portable.
smoky odours: Physically impossible, even for the Kissing Bandit. cleaner rectangle: That's hardly portable.
sooty ceiling: That's hardly portable.
paintings: They're hardly portable.
portrait of an imperious old gentleman: That's hardly portable. portrait of a handsome woman: That's hardly portable.
still life: That's hardly portable.
watercolour landscape: That's hardly portable.
books: They are curiosities of this moment only; none are worth taking.
human
You look at the ceiling
gpt
(the sooty ceiling)
It is an ugly but otherwise unnoteworthy blackening.
human
Smell odours
gpt
You smell aged cigar and cigarette smoke.
human
Clean ceiling
gpt
(the sooty ceiling)
The sooty ceiling looks a little cleaner now.
human
Doff moustache
gpt
You take off the fake moustache.
human
Doff cloak
gpt
You take off the velvet cloak.
human
Inventory
gpt
You are carrying:
a black mask
a fake moustache
a pair of buckled boots (being worn)
a velvet cloak
a rakish hat
a locket (being worn and closed)
a grouch bag (being worn)
human
Doff boots
gpt
You take off the pair of buckled boots.
human
Doff locket
gpt
You take off the locket.
human
You throw the the locket to the the dogs
gpt
black mask: That can't contain things.
fake moustache: That can't contain things.
pair of buckled boots: That can't contain things.
velvet cloak: That can't contain things.
rakish hat: That can't contain things.
locket: That can't contain things.
wrist: That can't contain things.

I only understood you as far as wanting to throw the locket.
human
You go east
gpt
Grand Ballroom, west side
This side of the ballroom is much cooler than the other, although there is not much circulation of the air. A thick drapery conceals a small private door to the west.
human
You go to the south
gpt
Grand Ballroom, southwest corner
This corner of the ballroom is cool and shaded, with a russet portico leading west to a series of private salons.

Young Peaches-and-Cream stands here, fanning herself lightly.
human
You go to the west
gpt
This slightly curved parlour room with gold, ornamented wallpaper and settees with silk pillows provides an intermediate sitting area, bathed in yellow candlelight. Seating is plentiful, and a set of private salon doors lead northwest and west. A doorless portal leads north.
human
Go downwards
gpt
You descend the broad staircase, and escape into the night!

[Hit return or space to continue.]
Garden park
The luscious gardens, abloom in the early spring, send forth their heady aromas on the nuzzling breezes. Aloft, too, are the erotic perfumes of the finely dressed ladies in white, walking two by two in the early eve, innocent as does, poised as summer swans.

A choice maiden sits alone on a bench, reading a steamy novel by gaslight. Mwuhaha-HA! The Smooching Bandit has at last chosen his first of the evening. A burning buss on those pink smackers will do, will surely do...