In the words of Robin Williams: ‘Your mother knows how to push your buttons because she installed them.’ The relationship between a mother and daughter is a complex one – some hate each other and can barely spend a Christmas lunch in their company, while others go on spa trips, talk daily and even share clothes. According to a new book called The Daughterhood there are nine different types of daughter, ranging from the Busy Daughter and the Daughter of Narcissism to the Dependent Daughter. According to a new book called The Daughterhood there are nine different types of daughter (file photo) Irish author Natasha Fennel decided to write the book after her mother came down with with a serious illness. Sat outside the hospital after visiting one day, Natasha wondered how she would cope when her mother was gone. Had she been a good enough daughter? Would she have enough time to do all the things she wanted to do with her mother before she died? Natasha knew she couldn't be the only one feeling this way. She began her research and quickly learned that other daughters had similar fears and had never spoken about them before. She put out a request in journalist Roisin Ingle’s newspaper column in the Irish Times for other women who had difficult relationships with their mother and got hundreds of responses. After whittling the group down to nine women, who Natasha believed best portrayed all of the main tribes of daughters, they started to regularly meet in the kitchen of Natasha’s home in Dublin. Eventually, their stories formed the basis of The Daughterhood - nine daughters coming together to talk about their mothers and the joy and despair that this relationship bring, with the aim of improving those relationships. A daughter's relationship with her mother is one of the most influential of her life (file photo) Natasha said: 'Every daughter still yearns for the approval of her mother, at the end of the day, it is one of the relationships that really matters . 'For daughters, the relationship with their mothers is one of the longest of their lives, longer than with our partners and our children. 'Your mother is your first female role model, so that has profound influence on how you’re shaped and you view the world from an early age - your mother is integral to that. She has a massive influence on you because she brings comfort and joy and she’s the one you turn to when in trouble - she’s your safe haven. When she starts to get older and nears a time that she might pass away, that safety net is pulled out from underneath you and it’s like a juggernaut coming down the road. The Daughterhood is about resolving that for yourself. Natasha Fennel, who wrote The Daughterhood . So which daughter are you? Read on to find out… . THE BUSY DAUGHTER . You don’t always answer the phone when your mother rings, you make promises you can’t keep, when she rings the door you hide and you try to get your mother off the phone as quickly as possible when you do pick up. Has your mother become the person that you say, ‘Oh don’t worry, it’s only my mother’ about when she calls or makes plans that you want to avoid. THE DAUGHTER OF MADNESS . When your mother has been diagnosed with a mental illness, but when you’re younger you don’t realise why they are behaving oddly. You might crave a mother who would make you feel secure and cherished and as you get older, you cannot rewrite the past. This can make it very difficult when you come to deciding whether you want a daughter of your own. THE DAUGHTER OF NARCISSISM . Your mother is totally self-absorbed, constantly criticises you and makes you feel like a nuisance. She shouldn’t have been a mother at all. THE BECOMING-MY-MOTHER DAUGHTER . A lot of people have this. You begin to hear phrases, expressions and tones of her voice in things you say that you swore that you’d never say or do. It happens most often when you speak to your partner, children or dog. You’ve got to decide how bad that could be though – is it the worst thing in the world that you turn out like your mother? THE GRIEVING-AS-SHE-LIVES DAUGHTER . This is the daughters who once had a relationship with their mother and one day that is taken away because of an illness like Alzheimer’s and they have no control over it. You have to accept it, you’ve lost her and you’re grieving as she is living. The dedicated daughter is a daughter who spends plenty of time with her mother, goes travelling with her, cooks with her and listens to her (file photo) THE DEPENDENT DAUGHTER . This is ‘Dial M For Mother’. You ring your mother at every chance you get. You rely on her for everything from your washing on the weekends to advice on cooking, and when you can’t cook the dinner yourself, you go over and eat at her house. You always talk about yourself and never ask how your mother is. You she still sees your mother as a mother, not a person in her own right because you haven’t made that transition where you see her as a friend. You might even be leaning on her to the point where you’ve become a bit of a burden, even though she’ll never say that because she’s your mother. THE DEDICATED DAUGHTER . You cook with her, travel with her want to get to know her more than you already do. You might even have already spoken about what she would like at her funeral. You take her as an individual, ask her what the things are that she wants to do in this chapter of her life and you try your best to accommodate them. You have made the transition from mother and daughter to friends, but are also conscious that there is very little time left. Your behaviour sometimes this spills over into dis-empowering your mother though, telling them what they should be doing. The reluctant daughter is a daughter who resents having to visit her mother and spend time with her (file photo) THE RELUCTANT DAUGHTER . Even though she knows she should do the right thing by her mother, she doesn’t want to – she has to be dragged kicking and screaming. This particularly happens with an only child – if your mother gets sick, there is only you to look after her, but you are doing it with resentment and bitterness. You don’t like your mother and don’t think she deserves it. You visit them but don’t want to, then feel guilty about feeling that way. It is often the behaviour of a reluctant teenager, not wanting to go home and help out with the house, wanting to hang out with your friends instead. The Daughterhood is out now, priced at £12.99 . In this relationship, then the daughter is in her 20s, 30s and 40s it gets much better, but then as her mother gets much older the relationship becomes fractious again. Lots of these daughters sell the family home and put their mother into a home. THE DISAPPOINTING DAUGHTER . You don’t live up to expectation. Your mother had an expectation of you that you didn’t know about. As you grown up, you start to realise that you aren’t meeting these expectations and your mother can’t help but tell you this. You were always criticised at school – if you got a B, then you should have got an A, if you scored two goals, then you should have won the match. You realise this as an adult when your mother comes to visit and she criticises how you’re raising your children. That’s when a lot of these relationships break down, because you don’t want to allow her to criticise your children. You will always seek her approval even though she will continue to criticise you. The Daughterhood is out now priced at £12.99 .
The mother-daughter bond is one of life's most influential relationships . New book called The Daughterhood says there are nine types of daughter . They range from a very dependent daughter to a very reluctant one . FEMAIL describes the nine different categories below .