A writer and mother has candidly revealed that she was left emotionally 'scarred' by her agonizing drug-free childbirth and struggling with a condition known as postpartum post-traumatic stress disorder following the delivery of her daughter. Toronto-based mother-of-one Tara-Michelle Ziniuk recalled how the traumatizing birth of her now four-year-old daughter Anna left her with nightmares and vivid memories of her painful experience in an essay for Today's Parent. 'At the time, in that moment, I remember very clearly thinking I wanted it to stop more than I wanted to have my baby,' she wrote. 'It was horrible. I was exhausted and borderline suicidal.' Traumatic event: Tara-Michelle Ziniuk (not pictured) said she was left with nightmares following the painful, drug-free birth of her daughter Anna, who is now four-years-old . Miss Ziniuk explained that by the time she asked for something to help with the pain she was 'too far along for it to be administered.' The mom, who suffered from painful cramping almost her entire life because of her endometriosis, said she dreaded the idea of giving birth before she had even gotten pregnant, noting that although she wanted to 'experience pregnancy', she never wanted to 'experience childbirth'. When it was time for her baby to be welcomed into the world, Miss Ziniuk passed on having an epidural because the prenatal class she had attended was 'biased towards natural home births'. According to Postpartum Support International, symptoms of postpartum PTSD may include: . Intrusive recollection of a past traumatic event, including child birth . Flashbacks or nightmares . Avoidance of stimuli associated with the event, including thoughts, feelings, people, places and details of the event . Persistent increased arousal, including irritability, difficulty sleeping, hypervigilance and exaggerated startle response . Anxiety and panic attacks . Feeling a sense of unreality and detachment . Miss Ziniuk, who is currently co-parenting her daughter, was a single mother at the time of her pregnancy. She said she was given information that made her 'fear epidurals, pain medications and any other “unnecessary” interventions"', although she noted that there was no 'shame associated' if the interventions were needed for medical reasons. 'The contractions felt like an extreme version of the menstrual cramps I’d experienced with endometriosis,' she recalled. 'It also felt similar to chronic illness in that I felt like I had no control over what was happening - a familiar, yet difficult, experience for me.' Miss Ziniuk wrote that she 'disassociated' and wanted her personal support system and her midwife to leave her alone because she 'didn't want to talk to anyone'. Tara-Michelle (pictured) said she hated giving birth . 'I felt disgusting and embarrassed and sick; nothing was comfortable or bearable. I wanted it to stop,' she recalled. Although Miss Ziniuk said that her daughter's birth was 'not complicated', it was a 'long early labor'. Her water never broke, and her daughter even came out with a scratch on her head from the doctor trying to break her water for her. After her experience in the delivery room, Miss Ziniuk started having nightmares and was unable to talk about her experience when others asked about her birthing experience. She was eventually diagnosed as having PTSD - the same condition that plagues soldiers who have engaged in war-time battles. According to Postpartum Support International, one to six percent of women experience postpartum PTSD, an illness that can be caused by a real or perceived trauma during delivery or after childbirth. While Postpartum PTSD greatly differs from postpartum depression, which is a form of depression that results from the hormonal changes that occur in a woman's body, they can occur at the same time in certain cases. But both conditions are temporary and can be treated with professional help. Although Miss Ziniuk explained she struggles with recommending drug-free childbirth, she knows that her terrible experience was specific to her particular situation. She ended her essay by saying: 'My wish that I was unable to recall my daughter’s birth does not negate the good that came from becoming her mother - but my experience of parenthood to date has had nothing to do with my so-called natural childbirth.
Tara-Michelle Ziniuk, from Toronto, Canada, recalled how the birth of her four-year-old daughter Anna left her with nightmares . One to six percent of women experience postpartum post-traumatic stress disorder, according to Postpartum Support International .