When I imagine my last day on earth, and I try not to think about it too often, I think of a sunny day in the country and going for a walk among daffodils and green fields. I eat a delicious meal with my children and grandchildren — possibly my great-grandchildren (in my fantasy, I am seriously old but still really fit) — then, after a glass or two of champagne, I fall into a deep and dreamless sleep from which I just don’t wake up. I know I don’t want to go like my mother did, fully conscious that death was imminent and having to deal with the grief of the people who loved her. But at least my mother, the writer Jocasta Innes, was in her right mind until pancreatic cancer ended her life two years ago, aged 78. Writer Daisy Goodwin used an American DNA mapping service to discover whether or not she carried the mutated genes likely to raise your risk of breast and ovarian cancer, Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s disease . My poor grandmother Eileen didn’t have that: she died in a fog of mental confusion, looking at her children as if they were strangers. Is there ever a ‘good’ way to go? Most of us have no idea how we are going to shuffle off this mortal coil — it’s probably the only thing that keeps us sane. But now scientists are offering a service to people who’d like a peek into their future. For £125, you can send off a sample of your saliva to a company in America, and in return they’ll send you your full story, including your ancestry and — crucially — a fairly good indication of how you’ll meet your maker. It’s done by mapping your genome, that unique sequence of 23 pairs of chromosomes that make up your DNA, pinpointing the mutations that determine if you’re likely to go gracefully or whether you’re likely to develop the kind of disease that’s a living death. DNA mapping has been brought to public attention after Angelina Jolie’s discovery that she carried the genes that would seriously increase her chances of ovarian and breast cancer. She’s since had a double mastectomy, and this week announced she’d had both ovaries removed, too. The question, for most of us, I suppose, is whether, like Angelina, we’d want to know. Is this a useful guide as to how to live your life, or simply too much information? Daisy's grandmother Eileen, pictured here (left) with Daisy's mother, the writer Jocasta Innes (centre), started to suffer from dementia aged 70 . I’d sent off my sample to the company, 23 And Me, last year because I was thinking of doing a television show about Britain’s genetic make up. It would be interesting, I thought, to find out exactly how British I was, too: my thick, dark hair and brown eyes have always made me wonder. Then, at the beginning of the year, I was sent an email which said my ‘health overview’ was available on the company’s website. But did I want to know if I carried the genes that put me at a higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer, Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s, I wondered? With one click I would have a glimpse of how my life might end — or face terrifying decisions about preventative surgery. 'I spent weeks deciding whether I should find out or not,' says Daisy (pictured left), who eventually decided to learn the truth about her test results after a conversation with her 14-year-old daughter Lydia (pictured right) The results are split into two sections: first are the innocuous ones, then you can click on another button for your genetic risk factors. I checked out the first category and discovered that I carry the genotypes that make me likely to have brown eyes (tick), unlikely to be a world-class sprinter (tick), and that I am more susceptible to caffeine than most people (that’s true, an espresso makes my heart race). Fascinating, even if not exactly earth-shattering. My ancestry was even more mundane: 60 per cent British and the rest Northern European, as it turns out. So not exotic at all. But then there came the health hazards section containing the information that can tell you what you are likely to die of. It may sound foolish, but I spent weeks deciding whether I should find out or not — there’s something terrifying about the idea of knowing for sure that somewhere inside you is a genetic grenade that could go off at any moment. The thing I really dread is Alzheimer’s. My grandmother developed a form of dementia in her early 70s and it was awful to watch a woman who had gained a double-first from Cambridge lose her razor-sharp wits. I wondered if there was any point in knowing you might get something for which there is no cure? Why spend the rest of your life with a shadow hanging over you? Friends and family were evenly split between those who shuddered and said they would never choose to find out and the ones who wanted to know everything. What decided it for me was my 14-year-old daughter Lydia saying: ‘You need to find out Mum, because even if you don’t want to know, I do.’ As she’s the one who will probably have to take care of me when I am old, that seemed fair. So, apprehensively, I logged back on. My heart was racing as I clicked on the ‘genetic risks’ button. I knew I could be opening a Pandora’s box from which there is no return: I knew I could be opening up my death sentence. Daisy's mother Jocasta Innes, pictured here with husband Richard Goodwin, was the author of 70s bestseller, Pauper's Cookbook . At first, all I saw was the good news — I don’t have the mutations that cause breast and ovarian cancer. Parkinson’s didn’t show up either. ‘Hey, I’m doing pretty well at this,’ I thought, thinking my gentle slip into the afterlife, glass of champagne in hand, wasn’t perhaps wide of the mark after all. But then I looked at the Alzheimer’s results — and my complacency fell away. It took a few minutes to realise I was not being given the all-clear, that it said I have one of the genetic variants that is a marker for late-onset Alzheimer’s. This was the news I was dreading. I began shaking and thinking about my grandmother’s last days: I don’t want to be somebody who’s lost all sense of who they are, being cared for in an anonymous home by strangers, but those visions kept coming into my head. My first instinct was to tell my family but I suddenly realised I don’t want to burden them, to express my fears to them. So I sat at the computer feeling wobbly. It was very bad moment. More than a moment — I felt very alone and bleak for several hours. 'Although there is part of me that wishes that I hadn’t clicked that button, now that I have, there is no excuse not to make the most of every healthy day left to me,' says Daisy . My memory is probably my greatest gift (my children call me the human Google), so the thought of losing it makes me shiver. Worse still is the idea of being an insensate burden on my family, someone they have to care for even when the spark of personality has gone. What I really wanted was a stiff drink, but the one thing I do know about Alzheimer’s is that alcohol is not good for potential dementia sufferers — my grandmother’s short-term memory got a lot worse after her nightly gin. So, sober, I fought back the panic and tried to look at things logically. Although I have the variant, that is no guarantee I will develop the disease. And if you’re reading this and panicking because you have a relative with Alzheimer’s — don’t. The two facts are often not linked. 'My memory is probably my greatest gift (my children call me the human Google), so the thought of losing it makes me shiver,' says Daisy, pictured here aged 8 . My mother was still in sound mind when she died two years ago, and my father is extremely spry at 80, so I probably have 25 years or so before I need to worry. There are things that are meant to reduce your chances of getting the disease: avoiding alcohol, keeping your weight down and taking lots of exercise. And who knows, by the time I reach 70 — the age my grandmother began getting symptoms — there may be some way of treating Alzheimer’s. Sergey Brin, one of the geniuses behind Google who is married to the founder of 23 And Me, discovered through his DNA test that he had a genetic risk of Parkinson’s. So he has taken up competitive diving as a way of optimising his chances of staying healthy and he has also given £33 million to fund research into a cure. It’s all about reducing the odds. DNA mapping has been brought to public attention after Angelina Jolie’s discovery that she carried the genes that would seriously increase her chances of ovarian and breast cancer . Although I hesitated about taking the test, now that I know there is a chance I might spend the last years of my life without the mental capacity I currently have, it makes me very determined to use my brain while it is still in good nick. I’m not going to let myself worry about the future. Instead I’m going to learn to play bridge and do cryptic crosswords while I still can. As someone whose house burnt down earlier this year because of low winter sun hitting a make-up mirror, I know just how random life can be. Although there is part of me that wishes that I hadn’t clicked that button, now that I have, there is no excuse not to make the most of every healthy day left to me.
Daisy Goodwin's grandmother developed dementia in her early 70s . She was tested for the Parkinson's, breast and ovarian cancer genes . DNA mapping revealed that she has a high risk of developing Alzheimer’s .