I have been suffering from anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts. However, these attacks only really seem to arise when I conversate with my boyfriend, who quickly reminds me that I am an annoyance and an irritation. Those and other negative comments always make my anxiety attacks worse and I don t know how to stop them. This partner makes me feel like it s my fault and that I am making his life more stressful and unbearable and that I shouldn t be sharing these anxiety type thoughts with him especially when I talk about numbing myself with medication. I think I do this to get his attention but it is only backfiring and making me feel extremely guilty and thus increasing my anxiety. I have tried to get out and talk with other friends but I end up feeling guilty and ashamed again because it may be construed as dating or gossiping. I am not sure if I have provided enough information or if this is more a psychological rather than medical issue but I need to talk to someone who will not call me crazy.
In my opinion you are undergoing a stressful relationship. As you rightly said you attires do things to attract the attention of your husband, but it goes otherwise, and he gets more irritated with you. You are trapped in a vicious cycle where you are unable to find a way out. I would recommend you to go to a therapist who can do analysis of your situation more objectively and help you to overcome the situation.