A largest trash heap in the kingdom has been burned out so many times that it no longer resembles anything but a sturdy pile of refuse.  It stands 11 feet tall and 35 feet across and front to back sloping gently on all sides to the ground.  The only recognizable objects in the pile are the fresh items that have been thrown upon the stack, which are, a wooden chair with one leg broken, a crossbow with no string, and a rag doll with the head detached.
Trash Heap, Wasteland
person
guard
I am a king's guard in the royal palace. I am fighting against the army trying to overthrow the king. I am a guard who has pledge my life to defend the king.
Hey! This is a very important job that I am doing - you mind your manners! It's a trash heap. You must have really upset the captain if he stationed you here. What did you do sleep with his wife? No - with his dog.  Well I will say his dog is better looking than his wife. Perhaps you made the right choice. Ha! You are fortunate that I am not the type to tell tales  Yeah, I really don't want any details about you and the dog. Hey, she had no complaints! What are you doing here anyway?  Looking for stuff I can fix. Perhaps this crossbow would fetch a little money if I can find a string for it. I am not sure you have permission to just take things ..  They are just going to light it all on fire when the pile gets to big anyway. This is the first time there has ever been a guard here. I really messed up, didn't I? :(  I'm sure he will get over it as long as the puppies don't have their father's eyes. Now help me get this chair out of there.