conversation: User (throwaway27761r5): "Okay, so here is the story. It's half personal finance/half relationship but since I wanted to get your guys' opinion.\n\nI'm F, 24, live a pretty reasonable lifestyle in a high-cost city in the US. I make $42K/year (pre-tax) working for a non-profit. My only debt is student loan debt which I have been paying off VERY aggressively (~$425/mo, while minimum payments are like, $150/mo).\n\nThis year I decided to move in with my boyfriend, age 30. I made it very clear that I did not want to raise my cost of living ($850 for rent.) My SO makes much more than I do--$110K pre-taxes. We moved into a place that is $2600/mo. I pay $850/mo, he pays the rest.\n\nHe has student loan and CC debt as well as borrowed against a life insurance policy when he was younger (and there were IRS penalties, uhh duh). So needless to say he's not as down with the frugal lifestyle as me.\n\nMy grandparents just gifted me $10,000 to pay the remaining student loan balance. I told my SO that I could now contribute an extra $100 towards rent. He think I'm being "selfish" by not contributing more. I think that's unfair since I only have $800 in my savings account and definitely need to save money. It's not like my now freed up $425/mo is "free money" it needs to go getting my buffer/savings account up and running.\n\nThoughts? Am I being unfair? Lmk if you need any more info. Thank you!"
  Self: "I'm a fan of splitting shared expenses like rent 50/50.  \n\nIf I was your boyfriend I wouldn't have moved in with you if you weren't willing to pay half what it costs to rent.\n\nIMO, It's not his fault you have a low paying job.  Why should he subsidize your inability to find higher paying work?"
  saivode (saivode): "50/50 for large expenses doesn't work very well in situations where there is a large disparity between incomes. Generally one of two things happen.\n\n1. The lower earning person ends up paying for expenses that are at or above what they can reasonably afford, leaving little for savings or entertainment. This is made worse by the fact that the higher earning partner may want to go out more often or do things that cost money that are now even less affordable to the lower earning partner.\n\n2. The higher earning partner lives significantly under his/her means. This is probably the better situation, but can still be very frustrating if they feel like they can't get something(like a nicer apartment) because their SO is unwilling to pay half of the additional costs involved.\n\nExpenses split proportionally is a good middle ground. The higher earner is able to get a nicer apartment and the lower earner isn't stuck paying more than they can afford.\n\n&gt; If I was your boyfriend I wouldn't have moved in with you if you weren't willing to pay half what it costs to rent.\n\nAnd If I were OP in this situation, and you weren't willing to move to a smaller apartment that I could afford to make 50/50 payments on, I would be glad to know where your priorities lay so that I could move on with my life.\n\n&gt; IMO, It's not his fault you have a low paying job. Why should he subsidize your inability to find higher paying work?\n\nI appreciate a lot of the financial advice you give on this forum, but I'm not sure you've got the relationship thing down quite yet."
  Self: "&gt;  but I'm not sure you've got the relationship thing down quite yet.\n\nDon't tell my husband! :P"
  