conversation: User (throwmoneyrelationsh): "I make over 2x what my boyfriend makes income wise. Together we are over 6 figures. He's at $28k, and I am around $70k/year without bonuses. He is $26,000k in debt from college, and he doesn't think this is a big deal. I'm pretty sure he also has multiple credit cards (which I have seen), but I am not sure how much debt those have. He also has monthly car payments.\n\nI have no debt from college. I have monthly car payments that I have 2 years left on, but I am hoping to pay those off sooner. I have some minor credit card debt. (~$1000) I pay for our rent ever since he moved in with us, plus now I pay for all of the utilities on my own (since I thought it'd be fair if we covered a little over half the rent and all the utilities while sharing a house with another roommate.) I buy us groceries every day, and I am very much wanting to save money.\n\nToday since he got a new job with a tiny bit of a raise that's closer to town, he came home and told me he's buying his sister a plane ticket out to visit us. That's like $500 freaking dollars. That's half a vacation for us. That's paying back school loans, paying off cars, paying me back for everything that I have done. I saw red, and I was not able to keep calm even a little bit. I accidentally made the mistake of asking if he was going to contribute to our household fees, and told him it's been like this for months. I'm tired of feeling like I am being used by a (I can't believe I used this word) gold digger.\n\nHow can I have a good discussion with my SO about money without being offensive but also not getting taken advantage of. I am fine with contributing more to our fun time, house, etc. but if every amount of what he makes seems like disposable income to him when he is very much in debt compared to me, and I am using all of my money to pay for boring house hold things like new duvet covers and groceries, I am seriously going to go insane.\n\nMy goal is to save up to $20,000 in the next 5 years so that I (we) can buy a house and have children. Where do I start, and how do I talk to him about a plan without being insulting?"
  Self: "&gt; I accidentally made the mistake of asking if he was going to contribute to our household fees\n\nFirst thing you have to realize is that if you're going to be in a relationship, is that your income is one and your debt is one.  There is no more "my money" and "SO's money."  Everything is one big pot.  Sounds like something you both need to learn.\n\nThe two of you are going to have to get on the same page in terms of how much money to spend on what, how much money is "we can spend on whatever we want, no questions asked", what the limit is for spending money without consulting the other, etc.\n\nThis is the personal part of personal finance.  Getting on the same page needs to be top priority."
  