conversation: User (clickitcricketharley): "I'm going to be posting this to /r/legaladvice as well considering my situation involves running for the hills and divorcing an emotionally abusive spouse. Anyway, onward to my situation . . . \n\nI got married in 2011. About six months after getting married I found out my husband was a drug addict (heroin), and had most likely been an addict since the day I met him and well before. We had partied during the time we were dating, but he never let on that he was addicted to opiates. He barely drank, but did occasionally smoke weed and we took acid back in 2009 and 2010 on rare occasions. Looking back I can see the signs now, but at the time nothing tipped me off that something was wrong.\n\nI've been married to him now over 7 years, together over 10. When I moved in with him before we were married I should have seen his manipulative behavior for what it was but, again, didn't see the signs at the time. I have no idea why I was so blind, but I let him convince me into overdrawing my accounts, maxing out cash advances on my credit cards, all so that he could have money for "gas" for work or cigarettes. I went months without proper clothing for work, shoes falling apart, unable to afford basic health and hygiene products. I watched as I maxed credit card after credit card out just so I could eat or have sanitary napkins (pardon the TMI). During through the financial issues and the emotional manipulation and abuse, I met someone online here who was going through the same thing. She lived a few towns over from me, and her story was practically the same. She was worse off financially than me, and he was more abusive based on what she told me but I found some comfort in finding someone with a similar story. The reason why I'm posing here today is because after she posted a vent/update in r/divorce where both she and I lurked quite often, she ended up being practically torn apart for posting periodically for 4 years off and on and not "just leaving" her husband. Less than 24 hours later she deleted her account and took her own life. She'd been depressed for years, and I think this coupled with a few things that had happened that day just pushed her over the edge. She was 30.\n\nThe reason why I'm posting this is because I've been terrified I'll end up doing what she did. Financially I'm a mess. I've been able to pay off a few credit cards, but the damage to my credit is going to take a long time to repair. I alone make just under 2k a month, my husband makes more than double that. Yet due to his drug habit and my bills, we're scraping by paycheck to paycheck, and usually going into the red thanks to the overdraft protection on my account. I have, including my car loan, nearly 30k in debt. I have three cards maxed out and several others that I've been able to refrain from touching so I can pay them down. Rent is 750 monthly, utilities a little over 200 monthly during winter and summer months due to heat and AC. I also have rental insurance for 40 a month, car insurance for 240 a month (he's on my insurance). Internet is 89 monthly. Phone for both me and him is 150. I look at all these and when I add up everything, plus cc debt I would be in the red. I have been able to sneak some money away into a savings account to afford either A.) a lawyer or/and B.) a down payment for a place of my own or 1st and last for an apartment. It will take me months and months to get anywhere significant with the savings but it's money he can't touch. I could make a down payment on a prefab/mobile home in a nice area in about a year, depending on my situation then. \n\nI apologize for the wall of text, but wanted to add some context to this. I've got a basic outline of what I want to achieve in the next two years, but it's slow going. I'm a bit impatient since the STBX is getting worse as time goes on and I just want to be done. So, any advice would be appreciated."
  Self: "You need to leave. Now. Please, for your own safety, leave. \n\nTake the cash you have and run. Write out a list of financial priorities, let me help you:\n\n1, a safe, cheap place to  live. Room with a friend or family member if possible. \n2, cheap food.\n3, minimal phone - get a trac phone or a cheap alternative. \n\nLet everything else go. You can work through your debts later. Get an attorney to help you with the divorce, and then split up what you owe VS what he owes. If your name is on the accounts, get it off or close out the accounts. Kick him off your insurance. Right now, we're not concerned about his rent or his utilities. We're concerned about your safety. \n\nOnce you're safe and the divorce is settled, then you can go back to your creditors and negotiate. But right now, they're not gonna get anything. If they threaten to sue you, let 'em sue. You're judgment-proof right now, meaning there's nothing they could get even if they did win a court case. "
  henrebotha (henrebotha): "This seems like such a dumb move when there are organisations in place specifically to help with OP's problem."
  misstooth (misstooth): "Right, it would be best to take the 1K she has saved up and stay at a shelter until she sets up life in a new place. "
  