How to Cancel Plans with a Friend
Once you've decided to cancel your friends, contact your friend immediately so they have time to readjust their schedule. Consider reaching out directly on the phone, and be sure to apologize sincerely and emphasize with their emotions. Offer to reschedule and, if you can, try to defer to their schedule. Don't make cancelling plans a habit and try to push through when you can to maintain healthy relationships with your friends, but avoid making plans you won't keep.
Let them know immediately. Contact your friend as soon as you decide to cancel. The more notice you can provide them, the better. This will allow them more time to readjust their schedule. This is especially true for last-minute cancellations. Getting in touch with them as soon as you can is the best course of action. In some cases, it's a good idea to give a friend a heads up even if there's only a chance you'll have to cancel. This will allow them to make a back-up plan if necessary. Consider calling on the phone. Reaching out directly indicates that you don't take cancelling lightly. Calling also makes it easier to gauge your friend's emotions, which will help you determine how to respond. If they don't answer, leave a message and follow up with a text or email. When cancelling plans well in advance, emailing or texting can be appropriate, especially in more professional contexts. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and use your best judgment when deciding how to contact them. Avoid texting simply because it's easiest for you. Apologize sincerely. Recognize that someone has made plans for you and you may be wasting their time. Take a moment to consider how upset they're likely to be based on the circumstances. Friends are likely to be more upset if they spent significant time or effort on these plans. It's also easier to forgive a close friend than an acquaintance. If you think they may be very upset with you, make sure to acknowledge the impact of your actions and express remorse clearly. Apologizing repeatedly may sometimes be necessary, but the initial contact is often your best opportunity to apologize effectively. If you're nervous, it can be helpful to plan an apology in advance. If it's a less important activity, you should still apologize — but often something like a simple, “Sorry, can't make it this time!” will suffice. Provide an excuse. You'll want to mention why you have to cancel your plans. But avoid giving the impression that a new opportunity is more appealing than spending time with your friend. Don't try to come up with a long, contrived excuse. Friends can often tell when someone's not being honest, so tell the truth whenever possible. If you feel the need to lie, try to make it realistic. Avoid getting other people caught up in your lie. Empathize with their emotions. Discussing the other person's feelings can resolve potential rifts in your relationship. Be ready and willing to hear them out. Make a sincere attempt to understand how you've made them feel. Avoid making the conversation all about you. When cancelling plans, many people tend to be overly self-deprecating, or go on about how busy they are. Try to avoid putting yourself at the center of the conversation. Remember that a good apology is about the other person. Reimburse your friend for any costs they are incurring. If your friend has already spent money on your plans, it's a nice gesture to pay for these expenses. They may be wasting a ticket to an event or have already bought supplies that they now don't need. Offering to cover these costs will help make up for inconveniencing them. If you're leaving your friend with extra tickets, you might offer to take on the burden of finding someone else to buy them. Offer to reschedule. Suggest a concrete plan at another time. Avoid putting the burden on your friend to find another way to meet. If appropriate, consider offering to do something nice, like buying them dinner. Defer to their schedule. If they do have another plan or time for meeting in mind, be as accommodating as possible. Offering to make future plans at their convenience also makes for a nice gesture. Don't hold it against them if they're not immediately able to reschedule. Avoid overbooking yourself. Don't reschedule if there's a chance you can't make subsequent plans. If you're having a busy week, suggest a future date that will definitely work for you. Relationships become strained when one party starts cancelling with regularity. Cancelling is more likely to be met with forgiveness if it's only on rare occasions. Avoid making plans you won’t keep. Saying no to plans may seem unappealing, but it's easier for everyone involved than a last-minute cancellation. Try not to make plans you're not genuinely excited about. Push through when you can. It's OK to bail on plans when it's absolutely necessary. But pushing through your exhaustion to make it to events can make a big difference in maintaining healthy relationships with your friends. Reflect on why you cancelled. Frequently cancelling plans may indicate something else is going on. You might be overwhelmed with a busy schedule. Maybe you don't truly want to hang out with these friends. Take a moment to reflect on if there is something you're not admitting to yourself. Try to identify any underlying causes that may be present. If repeatedly cancelling plans is having a significant detrimental effect on your life, consider speaking to a mental health professional. 
Let them know immediately. Consider calling on the phone. Apologize sincerely. Provide an excuse. Empathize with their emotions. Avoid making the conversation all about you. Reimburse your friend for any costs they are incurring. Offer to reschedule. Defer to their schedule. Avoid overbooking yourself. Avoid making plans you won’t keep. Push through when you can. Reflect on why you cancelled. 