lyrics: [Verse 1]
  Joan was quizzical
  Studied pataphysical science in the home
  Late nights all alone with a test tube, oh, oh, oh, oh
  Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine
  Calls her on the phone
  "Can I take you out to the pictures, Joa-oa-oa-oan?"
  But as she's getting ready to go
  A knock comes on the door
  
  [Chorus]
  Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
  Came down upon her head
  Clang! Clang! Maxwell's silver hammer
  Made sure that she was dead
  
  [Verse 2]
  Back in school again
  Maxwell plays the fool again
  Teacher gets annoyed
  Wishing to avoid an unpleasant sce-e-e-ene
  She tells Max to stay
  When the class has gone away
  So he waits behind
  Writing 50 times "I must not be so, o, o, o"
  But when she turns her back on the boy
  He creeps up from behind
  
  [Chorus]
  Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
  Came down upon her head
  (Do-do-do-do)
  Clang! Clang! Maxwell's silver hammer
  Made sure that she was dead
  (Do-do-do-do)
  
  [Verse 3]
  P. C. 31 said, "We caught a dirty one,"
  Maxwell stands alone
  Painting testimonial pictures, oh, oh, oh, oh
  Rose and Valerie
  Screaming from the gallery, say he must go free
  (Maxwell must go free)
  The judge does not agree and he tells them so-o-o-o
  But as the words are leaving his lips
  A noise comes from behind
  
  [Chorus]
  Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
  Came down upon his head
  (Do-do-do-do-do)
  Clang! Clang! Maxwell's silver hammer
  Made sure that he was dead
  
  [Outro]
  Whoa, whoa, whoa-oa
  (Do-do-do-do-do)
  (Silver hammer man)