lyrics: [Spoken Intro: Alistair Taylor & George Martin]
  ...bottle of claret for you if I'd realised
  I'd forgotten all about it, George, I'm sorry
  Well do next time
  Will you forgive me?
  Mmmyes
  Cheeky bitch
  
  [Chorus]
  Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number
  
  [Verse 1]
  Then there's this Welsh Rarebit wearing some brown underpants
  About the shortage of grain in Hertfordshire
  Everyone of them knew that as time went by
  They'd get a little bit older and a little bit slower but
  It's all the same thing, in this case manufactured by someone who's always
  Umpteen time your father's giving it diddly-i-dee
  District was leaving, intended to pay for
  
  [Chorus]
  Number nine, number nine
  
  Who's to know?
  Who was to know?
  
  [Chorus]
  Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine
  
  [Verse 2]
  I sustained nothing worse than
  Also for example
  Whatever you're doing
  A business deal falls through
  I informed him on the third night
  When fortune gives
  
  [Chorus]
  Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine
  
  [Bridge]
  Right! Right!
  Right, right, right, right!
  Right!
  Right!
  
  [Chorus]
  Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine
  
  [Verse 3]
  I've missed all of that
  It makes me a few days late
  Compared with, like, wow!
  And weird stuff like that
  Taking our sides sometimes
  Floral bark
  Rogue doctors have brought this specimen
  
  I have nobody's short-cuts, aha
  
  [Chorus]
  Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine
  
  With the situation
  
  They are standing still
  
  Upon the telegram
  
  Ooh ooh
  
  [Chorus]
  Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine
  
  Ooh
  
  [Verse 4]
  A man without terrors from beard to false
  As the headmaster reported to me
  My son he really can try as they do to find function
  Tell what he was saying, and his voice was low and his hive high
  And his eyes were low
  
  [Pre-Chorus]
  Alright!
  
  [Chorus]
  Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine
  
  [Verse 5]
  So the wife called me and we'd better go to see a surgeon
  Or whatever to price it yellow underclothes
  So, any road, we went to see the dentist instead
  Who gave her a pair of teeth which wasn't any good at all
  So instead I'd marry, join the bloody navy and went to sea
  
  Block that kick, block that kick!
  
  In my broken chair, my wings are broken and so is my hair
  I'm not in the mood for whirling
  
  Um da
  Aaah
  
  [Verse 6]
  How?
  Dogs for dogging, hands for clapping
  Birds for birding and fish for fishing
  Them for themming and when for whimming
  
  Only to find the night-watchman
  Unaware of his presence in the building
  
  Onion soup
  
  [Chorus]
  Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine
  
  Industrial output
  Financial imbalance
  
  Thrusting it between his shoulder blades
  
  The Watusi
  The Twist
  
  El Dorado
  
  Take this brother, may it serve you well
  
  Maybe it's nothing
  Aaah
  Maybe it's nothing
  What? What? Oh
  
  [Verse 7]
  Maybe even then
  Exposure could be difficult thing
  It's quick like rush for peace is
  Because it's so much
  It was like being naked
  If you become naked
  
  [Outro]
  Hold that line, hold that line!
  Block that kick, block that kick!