You finally make a friend or get a hot date with someone you're attracted to-then blow it by acting aloof or not being yourself.
Have you ever had experience of deciding to take a certain action, but end up doing something quite different? Crazy! Why do we do that? Often our actions are being run by decisions we made as a kid. Decisions that went on automatic, underground, behind-the-scenes, and now, affect us unconsciously. Decisions that are now controlling our actions in present moment without us being aware of them.
Why do we get so off track after we begin with such good intention and courage? It's those pesky childhood decisions! As we grew up, we developed strategies to survive at home and in school. We wanted our parents' love and attention and a safe place to live. We wanted to belong, get asked to prom, and pass exams-while not getting beaten up by school bully or humiliated by gossip.
The survival strategies you developed as a kid worked! These behavior patterns were good, positive, beneficial, even brilliant. They succeeded in doing job they were designed to do in that situation at that time. The proof-you're reading this. These tactics kept you alive! Perhaps a bit bruised, but still breathing. Breathing, but maybe not as happy as you could be.
Have you noticed you're still using some of same behavioral strategies to get what you want as an adult that you used in your youth?
Playing naïve. Being passive-aggressive. Manipulative. Moody. Sarcastic. Confused. Spacey. Overly sexy. Other kid tactics: Pouting. Flirting. Whining. Complaining. Hiding. Running away. Giving up. Fantasizing. Acting dumb. Having accidents. Getting sick. Playing tough. Acting fool. Telling white lies. Acting like a victim. Pretending you're someone you're not.
Do these tactics work currently in your adult life to create what you really want-loving mutual relationships, lasting support from people and universe, vibrant health, boundless energy, real joy? Usually not! Since circumstances and nature of our adult challenges have changed dramatically since we were young, most kid strategies are no longer appropriate or effective. In fact, these old tactics now get in way of reaching our goals.
Because any behavior that is unconscious and automatic can't adjust to new, different and changing situations. So, these conditioned childhood survival strategies come back to haunt us when we use them as adults-like disruptive ghosts from past. As adults, we still seek to be liked, to be included, and to make grade at work. But instead of applying fresh intuitive responses that are appropriate to current challenges, we are on autopilot-unconsciously controlled by programmed decisions we made to deal with trauma and drama of our childhood.
Here are two real-life examples my friend Sulana shares from her life that demonstrate how childhood decisions affect way we create life in present:
"When I was young, my punishment du jour was being sent to my room. My room became a safe haven from rantings and irrational behavior of my alcoholic parents. To lessen scoldings and whippings, I quickly learned to stay silent about what I felt or observed. I naturally created strategies to keep myself as safe as possible: hiding my feelings, telling white lies, using sarcasm, and spending lots of time alone. And I discovered I got attention from my parents by getting ill or acting confused. So, I developed asthma and played dumb.
That huge elephant, I thought to myself for 100th time, tethered on that tiny stake. They can weigh up to 7 tons, and there was this huge elephant rocking back and forth, kept from moving more than a few feet by … an electric fence? 25 armed men? No, by a small chain on a tiny stick.
How can this happen? How has it forgotten what it’s capable of? This can happen to any mammal, including you and me, and here’s how.
Reptiles have only reptilian brain, primitive brain that keeps heart beating, regulates instincts, pumps oxygen through lungs. They’re born miniature adults and already know all they’re going to learn. So there’s no need for parents to teach. Reptiles don’t bond with their young; in fact they’ll eat them if they don’t scurry away.
But little elephant calf is well cared for. This is where limbic brain comes in, one we share with all mammals. It’s how we bond and where emotions come from.
The young calf is cared for by all females in herd. They gather ‘round to celebrate its birth, trumpeting, and spinning, with temporal secretions running down their temples. They feel bond.
Meanwhile, mother must get baby up on its feet to nurse, or it won’t survive. It already has to learn something. And in this process, too, all young females are learning about mothering. The hormones and limbic brain drive it all.
There is absolutely no previous experience required for coming to SIPS. Many of the attendees are early career (graduate students and even some undergraduates), and many of us are new to open science and are there to learn.
The only requirement for attending SIPS is an interest in improving psychological science (see our mission statement for what that means to us).
Absolutely! Everyone can choose the level of involvement that works for them. You’ll probably be asked to introduce yourself at some of the sessions, but how much more you want to contribute is up to you. Many who have attended in the past found themselves wanting to get more involved than they expected, and we wouldn’t be surprised if you realize you have a lot more to contribute than you thought, but there’s no obligation at all! We’re also pretty sure you won’t have any trouble meeting new people even if you don’t know anyone when you get there!
It’s not entirely clear to us, either! The general idea of these types of sessions (which make up most of the program) is that our attendees are shaping the program and the organization. We are a service organization, and we want our conferences to be a place for people with common interests and goals to get together and work towards those goals. Many of the projects that have come out of previous SIPS meetings were ideas that sprang up during these kinds of informal sessions, and attendees took the ideas and ran with them.
In short, we really hope you’ll consider coming to SIPS. Most importantly, if you feel like you don’t have enough experience of expertise to come to SIPS, please don’t worry! You won’t be alone, and if you’re curious about improving psychology, we’d love for you to come!
As a visitor to this project's site, you will be able to view resources which the project has elected to share with the public. You may also browse hundreds resources in the MSPnet Hub Resource Center, which serves all the MSP projects.
1/22/12 Abstracts from Articles Published by MSP Awardees (initially funded in 2002, 2003, and 2004)
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