Question: I don’t want to be in the middle of this! My boyfriend’s mother is sick and he wants to move back home to be closer to her. His mother HATES me and he wants me to go with him. The doctor’s are saying the outlook is not positive and I want him to be there for his mother but I don’t think I am a big enough person to put our issues aside to endure her. Am I horrible?
Answer: Yes, you are a horrible horrible person and you’re going to hell. KIDDING!!!!!! You are magnificent and courageous and willing to tell the truth… and I find that inspiring 🙂
I think it’s very important for people to be given the option to spend time with their parents as they die because sometimes people die suddenly and you never get a chance to say something; yet, your boyfriend will be able to feel good about the time, effort, and presence he gives her.
And it’s also very important for you not to stop living or choose something that’s not a contribution for you and sacrifice yourself for another only to resent them later.
What if it’s OK that he goes to live with his mother and what if it’s OK that you don’t? What if it’s OK that you go visit him when it works for you or he comes and visits you? What if it’s OK that you stay in environment where people honor you and don’t subject yourself to someone who apparently hates you?
What if it’s OK that both of you live your truth and that doesn’t mean you have to break up? What if going through this brings you both closer? Or what if this allows you to see his true colors in a way that supports you and deciding whether you want to continue the relationship to the next level or not?
What if the universe is actually on your side here and now even though in the moment you feel like you’re in the middle?
Clearing away our self judgment and clearing away the judgments of others and taking regular time to listen to what you know, journal about your intuition, take actions based on what you know to be true… All of this builds your confidence and your awareness and your ability to create a life you love.
This is a wonderful learning opportunity for you to trust what you know and communicate it in a way that doesn’t create defensiveness or separation, but allows you to stay connected and express what you desire and require and allow it to be OK that he has different desires. It’s a practice for both of you not to judge one another which is only going to make both of you better people 🙂
What if having more time away from him could be used toward something creative that you want to dive into but haven’t because you haven’t had the space or time? It could be an inner exploration of your spiritual evolution or an outer expression of your creativity, yes? What if this allows you to put in structures to keep your connection and communication authentic and alive and the sets up the foundation for the best relationship ever with him?
I would love to be able to ask you a series of questions and see what truth bubbles up… Something very powerful happens when you’re listened to somebody that doesn’t judge you and is open to infinite possibilities… It’s like you’re held in the reality of a deeper wider grander world of possibilities… And it’s easier to hear your own truth and it feels so good to be honored for what’s deeply true to you…
So if you’d like to experience that level of being held and safe and the clarity, discernment and awareness that comes from that so that you can make the best choice for your life and relationship, I would be honored to connect with you. You can apply for a complimentary strategy session at Befertile.com/connect.
Bottom line is that we’re on the planet together, we’re meant to support one another, we’re meant to be held and feel safe and be appreciated along the exquisitely messy yet fabulous journey called life 🙂
Tags : #AllanaQandA, #IntimateCL, Allana Pratt, being honest, choices, Coach Allana Pratt, conflict, control, dating, Dating Coach, Dating Expert, death, decisions, dying parent, intimacy coach, intimacy expert, Intimate Conversations Live, q&a, Questions & Answers, Questions and Answers, relationship, relationship coach, Relationship Expert, relationships, stuck in the middle, truth
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