Systematically and mercilessly disassembling, flushing, greasing, and re-packing the cycling culture.
Firstly, I'd like to take this opportunity to announce that today marks the official start of my "Summer Recess." This is the period during which I sew the pant legs back onto all my cutoff shorts, take my fall chicken suit out of cold storage (if I don't store it properly it will molt), and change the grips and tape on the "touch points" of my various bicycles to "colourways" that are more seasonally appropriate. As you can imagine, this process is quite labor intensive, so that means I will be taking a break from this blog, but rest assured that I will return on Tuesday, September 8th with regular updates. You can also rest assured that my helper monkey Vito and I will take the opporunity to catch up on other matters as well, such as the dissemination of the various "prizeways" for the Fat Cyclist Knuckle Tattoo Tribute Competition, the perusal of emails, and of course the much-needed shampooing and deodorizing of my 70s-themed bicycle work area. (Suede bean bags and shag carpet may look great, but they also tend to retain both grease and odors--especially when you employ a helper monkey.)
Secondly, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll see confirmation, and if you're wrong you'll be seduced by Murray.
Thanks very much for reading, emailing, commenting and making the "process" of writing this blog so enjoyable, be sure to wring the last few drops of sweaty enjoyment from the remainder of the summer, enjoy the Labor Day weekend (assuming your countryway observes it), and ride safely, smartly, and flambulliently.
1) Gary Klein, once synonymous with fat aluminum tubing and dessert-like "colourways," is now synonymous with:
5) Who makes this steel "club racer," complete with gently sloping top tube and bars slightly lower than the saddle?
7) According to Zipp's lead engineer Josh Poertner, why did both of Magnus Backstedt's wheels fail in the 2008 Paris-Roubaix?
9) Tough times for the men's magazines? The above image, complete with crappy old department store mountain bike, is this month's "Playboy" centerfold.
2 years ago I was walking my dog on Beach Street near Hudson, wearing a flowered dress and listening to ____________________________ on my discman! You biked by, black jeans, gangly, no helmet, turned around to look at me. Smiled cheekily. It may have been directed at the person behind me but I never forgot. I had just cut my hair. I love you?
Sir Snob, I am hearing rumors that you may travel to our fair state to take part in Ye Olde Single-Speede World Championships 2009, in Durango, Colorado. I am also hearing rumors that your identity will remain secret. That's well and good and all - I don't need to know your name. But if the first rumor is true, welcome, Wordsmith, to our beautiful land of mountains and rednecks with trucks and guns. Oh yeah, and prepare to get your ass kicked! (I am. Preparing, that is.)
The Magnus wheel cracker questions and linked Zipp article was particulary funny. I remember reading a Paris Roubaix Zipp carbon wheel/team test a few years ago. After a whole lot of technical blah-blah-blah Cancellara turned to the Zipp engineers and told them: "If you ride anything but a an 32 spoke low profile alloy wheel on this shit you're a complete idiot." And this was before they managed to crack two or three sets of carbon hoops on just a few hundred yards of cobbles.
Hm...not much of a score. Let me be the first to say I wasn't holding out much hope for the Creedence.
I locked (with a U-Lock and cable) my Red and White Schwinn Frontier bike on a fence in front of 226 East 32nd Street on Tuesday night at approximately 9:30 pm. On Wednesday at 9:30 pm, I checked on the bike and it was still there. I went to ride the bike a few hours later -- approximately 2:00 am and the bike was gone. If anyone sees it let me know. I recently bought the bike new - less than a month ago - so I have proof of purchase and the serial number. I called the owner of the building but he claims he is wealthy and did not cut it. The super in the building next door claims that he hates bikes on his fence and has cut bikes -- even though there is no sign. The owner claims it could have been construction workers on the block. Thanks for your help.
...so bsnyc/rtms...does "summer recess announcement" imply that yer intending to "school" someone between now n' labor day ???...
let's see.. there was music, and.. It was a bike! No? .. not a real bike. Kind of one of those weird, twisted things that sometimes you see in..
...gee...i guess w/ bsnyc/rtms out a' the picture (literally) for the next week n' a half, this site is gonna become like one a those "end of summer" schmaltzy romance songs...
Holy Glenn-Close-Fatal-Attraction Batman, you ride by some hippie chick who gets her hair cut every two years and smile during the Bush Administration, and she obsesses and declares her undying love for you two years later? Proud Mary, please keep on rollin'.
Anon 2:10..it would be easier to let you know if anyone sees it if you let people know who you are, ...you know?
Modifying lugs to cut grams? Isn't that what crabon is for? What kind of weight weenine rides a Rivendell anyway?
Just got my new issue of Bicycling and the Elite Cyclist, Chris Carmichael is all over it. In his own column, car ad, and other contributors articles. You need to step up your game and get the same amount of elite attention from the mag.
For those missing BSNYC in the next two weeks, I will be reading aloud "Best of BSNYC" on HAM radio frequencies 3.750 - 4.000 Mhz.
Looks like Grant Peterson has decided his frame company should try and actually make money with the general public, as opposed to just the wealthy spinally-challenged.
We should keep this comments thread active whilst snob is away (since the comments threads from BSNYC postings are pretty much my primary source for news & information these days.)
...i was thinking along the lines of "theme from a summer place" by percy faith & his orchestra (please...i don't have the time, ask yer folks or yer grandparents) as a basic background piece...no lyrics...
...then maybe "summer song" by chad & jeremy...(really ???...doesn't anyone know their summer romance musical history ???)...
...schmaltzy as fuck but required listening would then be "sealed w/ a kiss" by brian hyland...dripping, oozing, retched excess...
...i'll grant ya "summer nights" from grease...i mean, travolta & newton-john ???...that's definitely in the "summer schmaltz" ballpark...
...& not beat this dead horse too long, we end it all w/ "see you in september" by the happenings (ain't that an apropo name ???) from 1966, which is undoubtedly the song bsnyc/rtms will be humming to hisself 'til the next post...
I'm kinda partial to Henley's The Boys of Summer, or In The Summertime by Mungo Jerry -try to get THAT outta your head.
But, for actual discman-era correctness, I think Summertime by DJ Jazzy Jeff, Fresh Prince, etc. is the tune to have.
...wow !!!...reed enwright...when it comes to romantic summer schmaltz, you can never have to many "strings" or "strings attached" for that matter...nice...
funny, both the Y Water and Unicycle videos have a similar hit count. Are we the only people paying attention to this shite?
BGW: I don't need to ask my folks, I've been in several elevators and shopped at the local super-stroll consumer retail outlets. So I'm well versed.
Sufferist, if your daddy's rich, you take her out for a meal, slip her a roofie, THEN just do what you feel, and if you get caught, well, daddy golfs with the DA and the judge, so....
I am rubbing a freewheel at the moment because I currently live in a very hilly part of Tokyo and I have had enough of spinning class.
wishiwasmerckx: is that part of the extended dance mix version? I never hear that version on the radio, also I believe that the date rape drug of choice back then was chloral hydrate.
wheels of change: id will be easy: pompino with moustache handlebars and a rock racing jersey, as seen in the nyc article
Snobbatical theory #2: Brazilian wax job gone horribly wrong, along with some time off for taintal healing.
yellin at a woman driving a dam minivan with a greenpeace sticker "quit wasting gas and stop making so many babies"
I'm trying to think of a way to conduct, a preferably daily, blog-podium race with a random start time. Nothing seems to be clicking though.
I think that the process could use some improvement. After some analysis, it appears to me that there is an actual possibility for an unsavory character to manipulate the process...not that any of the regulars out here would have the moral turpitude to commit such an egregious act, but I'm saying it's a possibility.
I'm back from my surprise trip to the special island where every day is "Wednesday afternoon". Alas, I will have to wait another 10-ish days before the next installment of Snobertainment.
I see your point. Someone with fewer scruples than ourselves could manipulate the comments board for their own gain. Cads.
If only there was a way to get information and facts by searching a huge database. You could just type in a few terms, then tiny elves with IT certificates from deVry would work tirelessly for about 5 seconds and return the answer.
CommieCanuck: I sense a hint of sarcasm in your response. Has Canada become so pedestrian that you have spun into a callous state of ennui? I guess there could be humor to be found in your response if you think about it. Like you were addressing the Anon in an intentionally obtuse manner...you clever dog...is that what you're up to? Anyway, hoist a Molson and enjoy the day...for soon our snob returns...
I think I'd take great hillbilly pride in nailing the Prius driver as the cocksucker that he truly is. Plus it has a nice ring to it.
As far as the Greenpeace-rubbing-progressive-cnut in-the-mini-van: even we dumb-ass yankees know female mini-van drivers are stone deaf and stupid so it doesn't fucking matter what you yell at them.
so, guess who got to pace Zabriskie from the top of paris mountain back down to downtown greenville during the us pro championships yesterday. Oh yeah.
...as regards your quandary, i think "yellin at a woman driving a dam minivan with a greenpeace sticker "quit wasting gas and stop making so many babies" " has a certain expressive panache prob'ly not often found down 'viper' way...
...but when it comes to "self righteous" (self rijus) points, well sir, "yellin at a prius diver "quit wasting so much gas you cocksucker" " is well worthy of consideration 'cuz we all know everyone driving a prius is a self righteous cocksucker to begin with...
...either way, red, rest assured ya'll (not bad for a yankee, huh ???) can be proud of yer cycling & verbal exploits...
..."female mini-van drivers are stone deaf and stupid so it doesn't fucking matter what you yell at them."...good point, surly bastard & one i overlooked...
CC: First you would have to be at war with someone, in order to have prisoners to mistreat. Like when is that gonna happen? eh? I guess you could fashion a proxy scandal by using all the folks that were arrested for discourteous behavior, but it just doesn't have the same kinda gusto as using full-blown war criminals.
Speaking of mini-vans & morals, having a dilemma regarding my volunteering with the ToM. If they ask me to drive, I should really tell them no cuz I don't think I can handle a passenger van but oh, the opportunity to have one of the teams to myself for awhile is tempting. But then again, I don't wanna be the one who wrecks the friggin' van with the Saxo boys or Quikstep on board.
...red neckerson brought it to the table & i think it's worthy to discuss prius's & their overwhelmingly "self righteous" attitude-y drivers...
...(this is not a scientific study, so this prob'ly only encompasses 99% of 'em...there's a few out there that "get it")...
...actual fact:- here in california, to encourage the use of "alternative source" vehicles, it was decided years ago & a law was passed to allow single occupant vehicles of a "green" nature, ie: prius's, honda insight's, which were certified by the e.p.a. to travel in the "commute lane" during "rush hours" to reward & encourage them for their active environmental participation...
...actual fact:- gov terminator has since rescinded that law...why ???...because rather than utilizing the privilege as intended, the majority of said drivers simply clogged the commute lane without consideration for "speed of traffic" flow...
...bgw speculation:- i contend that these self righteous "simple minded greenies" are actually one reason we are concerned about overall rising world temperatures...
...the "constantly being irked" & the fomenting ire n' anger of being stuck behind one of these blithe idiots & their "I'M saving the world" attitude is raising our blood pressures & our core body temperatures...
...need i say more ???...somewhere, a little penguin or maybe a polar bear cub aren't gonna make it this year & you can blame those "concerned" self righteous "environmentally active" "cocksuckers"...
Frilly: go for it, you'll be fine. It's an opportunity which could lead to greater things or at least fine memories. If you are worried about the driving, go rent a passenger van and do a complimentary delivery service in your city and get the feel for how it handles.
...damn...got to my local natural food store a few hours after posting about prius's & low & behold there were five, count 'em 5 sitting there side by side...
Whatever, they all sound like they need to be drained with a nine gauge needle and followed up with a strong regime of antibiotics.
...that might be a good solution...they weren't there as a group, it was pure happenstance & every one a' the drivers looked like the type that would be clogging up the works, somewhere down the road...
BGW: typically "X" marks the spot, in this case it is the spot where you might substitute a particular value for the general placeholder value. It can also stand for "was a one time", as in ex-champion, but that has a different syntactic aesthetic, but sounds the same.
...are the psychological ramifications not obvious here...surely you can see that despite my seemingly not wanting to shoot for the podium on a regular basis, the truth is...
...& i wanna throw bernard hinault off the podium just 'cuz i'll be there so often that he'll bother me...
BGW: you are among friends here...feel free to bear your soul...there could be no inadvertent repercussions...you are safe...you are on the internet...let'er rip...
...it all started w/ that first red raleigh 3sp & vittorio de sica's "ladri di bicyclette" (the bicycle thief)...but "pee-wee's BIG adventure" really brought it home...
...for some, it was "breaking away w/ ("papa, papa, i'm italiano")or even "american flyers" (sheesh) but no, for me, ya, it was pee-wee that really brought the message home...
...that single minded focus, that drive, that determination & in the end he'd not only ridden past those tour de france guys but he got his bike & his girl back...
...that's a powerful message & i started thinkin' "hmmm, bet i'd look good in yellow after a month in france"...
...well, needless to say, that never happened but w/ a little focus, a little determination & a reset button, dammit i can make the podium...
I saw that. How many races has he finished this year? There's rumors out there that he might take a DS position with BMC. I'd love to see him playing DS, but not just yet.
Seeing as you have managed to "break through" almost entirely on your own steam... I thought I should step in and help you get some "closure".
Have a nice one, BSNYC. We'll miss you. You may like this article btw haha : http://tinyurl.com/nuvtwa
...ant1...horner has gotten more miles in than robbie mcewan this season but damned if they're both not snakebit...
...it's a shame 'cuz they're both nearing the end of good careers & horner in particular seemed "on point" to get those results he deserves...
CC: First you would have to be at war with someone, in order to have prisoners to mistreat...So would you consider drinking a Labatt? or a Moosehead?
Canada is currently at war in Afghanistan, defending democracy and the right of rape within marriage. Get off the plane, step on a mine, and you're a "hero", and people cry like it was all unavoidable.
Anon 2:27: I think CC stands for courtesy, fair treatment of farm animals and the right to marry your sister.
DJIA is at 9318 right now. When it reaches +-10pts. That's the starting gun. Best of luck to everyone...
..."1.) Linked to the DJIA, as soon as it gains or drops 5% or gets over some value."...bleeh !!!...
...more importantly...anon 2:27pm instigated the days podium dash by asking "can anyone tell me what commiecanuk stands for...???"...
...hey...i didn't introduce this into the by-laws but nonetheless here it stands..."3.) Linked to the first Anon asking what X is? (X= RTMS, diktats, etc...)"...
...i'd have my lawyer explain this to ya but the ex-attorney general is too busy trying to murder cyclists up in toronto w/ his saab...
BGW: I guess you were the first in the Anon triggered race, Wes was first in the DJIA triggered race. (really though, since the race format had not been ratified into law, it's hard to say that any one of us is victor or vanquished)
I like the DJIA because it is more random and less prone to manipulation. If there is a better trigger, please advise.
I get my stock quotes on my ticker tape machine. I feel I am at a bit of a disadvantage. Maybe it's time to upgrade...to a crabon fibre ticker tape machine!
Mr. Gomez: while carbon tape would be lighter, more horizontally rigid and vertically compliant, it is more to the point that the engine behind the tape's production is the real source of your disadvantage. Now if you meant that you were going to upgrade the engine of your device to crabon fibre, then yes, please with all haste, upgrade. You may not actually gain any speed, but it will look awesome in the clubhouse.
does the race reset now, or do we have to wait for the first "what does X stand for?" after a certain time, like noon eastern tomorow?
...therefore, what say the reset is based on the ***sun's*** both setting & then rising again which gives you east coasters a definite advantage ???...(but don't look over yer shoulder & never, ever count me out, dammit !!!)...
...as far as today is concerned ???, re:- "BGW: I guess you were the first in the Anon triggered race, Wes was first in the DJIA triggered race. (really though, since the race format had not been ratified into law, it's hard to say that any one of us is victor or vanquished)"...ever heard the expression "possession is 9/10 of the law" ???...
...recognize that guy standing next to moi ???...gentlemen, i assume you know monsieur bernard hinault ???...i suggest you hold yer places & don't even think about it !!!...
...so, i'll assume this forum is now open to discussion as regards race format initialization...& personally i hate the idea & find it highly ironic, that on bsnyc/rtms, anyone would drag the stock market & it's business-eeze through these august halls...
BGW: the DJIA is a daily proxy(qualifying under the sun-down/sun-up criteria) for our beloved regular trigger, taking the weekend off, as does our snob. I think that the Great Author would acknowledge the practical utility of the DJIA trigger as a useful stand-in.
I would like to say that if we do accept the DJIA as the trigger, that the next days race trigger criteria will be given by the winner of the previous days race.
...while i'm insistent on claiming today's (wednesday) post w/ the backing of the 'podium poseur tossing monsieur hinault,as per a format set by others, i certainly don't feel the need to be one who insists on thursday's format...
...personally i'm good w/ hillbilly's suggestion that red neckerson act as the trigger...i'd say when you hear that music from "deliverance", head for the line...the podium's waitin'...
...my only concern, however, as regards the constituents of 'viper' is the uttering of that word..."trigger"...i just don't want anybody gettin' shot over the internet 'cuz red neckerson, jolene or ol' ricky gets excited & starts firin' off a few rounds...
BGW: how about the word actuator instead of trigger with respect to Mr. Redneckerson...it carries more of the engineer chic that is so popular with the kids these days.
HB: Load up on whatever you want, it's an all-drug race. I'm wearing my Amgen "EPO's alright by me" kit and riding my AMORFIX LIFE SCIENCES LTD bike (they do all my blood transfusions). So pop a few and get on board...
...suffer1st...'actuator' is good...if we keep up w/ the 'trigger' thingy, next we'd hear from the roy rogers lobby about improper blah, blah, blah & who needs the pressure...
...as far as "engineer chic" ???...one a' those days when i'm chasing those damn kids off a' my lawn, that 'pants down around their ass' thingy is gonna trip one of 'em up & then there's gonna be hell to pay, dad gummit...
...milkshake ???...hell, that's a power smoothie made w/ the finest natural ingredients...well, that & a few of those awesome 'amgen' products which keep me "dancing on the pedals" (thank you, phil)...
BGW: no wonder they wanna get at your stuff...it sounds pretty potent...keep dancing on them pedals/petals/peddles etc....
I am slowly morphing into the old man mode myself. No kids in the yard just yet, but the neighbors cats are really starting to get to me.
Rye Whiskey, the original whiskey sold through Seagram's (Bronfman's)through Al Capone and used in a Manhattan during prohibition, then later replaced by Bourbon, or turpentine (same taste).
CC:Thanks for the info, this dispels all those nasty rumors about Zima being the drink of choice in the Great Northern Nation of Cananda...
You have no idea what shit-storm is occurring over this. The press is now interviewing bike messengers to uncover the hidden alternative sub-culture, using terms like "alley cats", "fixed gear" and "territory marking". Massive street protests by cyclist who don't even know or care that they guy killed was some 33 year old loser, who previously was in a drunken fight with his girlfriend, and decided to attack a car bare-handed and hang on to the bumper. This asshole just happened to meet up with the head asshole, the former attorney general.
So far, I've heard 5 bike culture stories on radio and TV, and 3 ex-girlfriends, one who he knocked-up and left. This guy had the kvorka.
So that's what happened to Grizzly Adams. And why does Mr. Mullet in the back row get a gold bowtie?
Oh, and you could touch the dancers. I remember my older sister sneaking me in w/a fake ID. One of those idiots actually cleaned her glasses with his schlong. I threw up about five minutes later & remained a virgin until age 21. Post traumatic stress syndrome.
While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!