It might be cold outside, but that only gives us lots of reasons to play more indoors. Here at MaXXX we find that this time of year has lots of couples buying up big on things like massage oils and candles, specialty lubricants and little tips and tricks to extend fun in the bedroom on long cold nights.
Besides a little slap and tickle, or perhaps a bit of light bondage, there is one area of play you may have not explored before – temperature play.
Temperature changes stimulate and excite nerves. When outside influences stay the same, your nerves relax and can become desensitised — they know what’s coming, nothing is changing, so they go to low power. If you stimulate the nerves by changing temperature, they stay awakeand, therefore, increase the power of your sexual play.
By experimenting with different degrees of touch and temperature, you will expose your body to a variety of thrilling physical reactions that you haven’t felt before. These diverse sensations dramatically increase arousal, heighten skin sensitivity, and release pleasure-fueling endorphins.”
Why it works:Adding heat to the right spots on your lover’s bod will actually boost their sensitivity to touch. Applying warmth raises thermal temperature, causing blood flow to increase, which, in turn, makes skin more receptive to stimulation. And a little heat goes a long way.Mind-blowing moves: Fire up your sack sessions by breathing new life into foreplay…literally. When you blow on their skin, your warm breath creates a change in temperature, which heightens arousal,” says Stella Resnick, PhD, author of The Pleasure Zone. Simply let your parted lips linger over the more sensitive spots, like their stomach, ears or neck, and gently exhale. Juliana, 23, swears this technique is not all hot air. “My guy actually quivers whenever I blow on his earlobes and nipples while we’re fooling around,” she says. “He always tells me he gets such a rush when I do that.”
If you want to bring your partner to the boiling point, try this hot-water trick. Put a warm — not scalding — cup of H2O by the bed. Before you go down, take a sip to get your mouth nice and toasty, and swallow. Then take another small sip, but this time hold on to the liquid as you take them in your mouth, swish the water around for a few seconds and then swallow. If any of it spills , just lick it off; we promise, your lover won’t mind one little bit.
Besides special lubricants that can heat up and cool down you can also try using massage candles for some safe hot wax play. Unlike traditional candles, massage candles (like those from LELO, right) are usually made from soy wax, and are designed to melt the wax so that it’s warm enough to pour and spread, but not so hot that it will burn or mark.
Use it for massage or to tease your partner with a drop or two from a height – either way you’ll both be a little ‘hotter’.
TIP: Pour some of the wax into a plastic baster and microwave for a few seconds. Then you cna use the baster to drop little beads of hot wax onto their body, spell out naughty words or create a trail for your partner to follow on your body. (is just as much fun with some massage oil hated up).
Hotter Than Hot: If all of this sounds fun, but not quite enough, then turn your naughty thoughts to the world of adult toys – and especially the ones that can fit into your temperature play fantasies.
Glass: Glass dildos, dilettes and plugs have been around for decades. But only in the last 5 years or so have they truly become gorgeous play things. Made from super-strong materials, and often infused with precious metals for lustrous colour, a glass piece can be mildly heated and cooled simply with a glass of water bu the bed.
Metal: Think shiny. Really shiny. Hand-polished stainless steel, gold and silver sex toys are all in-vogue at the moment. Super-safe, easily cleaned, but more importantly – metal toys (steel especially) will hold their heat for even longer than glass. So you have even more time to figure out the best place to play with them. Just like glass, there is a toy for pretty much everyone, from petite beads to the incredible Njoy Eleven.
And I’m not talking about those times at the pub doing obnoxious a-capella renditions of Bohemian Rhapsody at the top of my lungs whilst playing air guitar and standing on the pool table. On a school night.
Silly me. Yep, six months of swanning around, blissfully declaring that I had found “My Soul Mate”…. only to wake up one morning, roll over and think, “Really? YOU? I thought YOU were my SOUL MATE?!?!” before running from the building at full speed, half-dressed, screaming in terror and wearing only one shoe.
Then there were the times of knowing, deep within, that this time I actually had found my Soul Mate, like really-really-actually-for-real-this-time. The electricity. The intense passion. The sublime spiritual connection. And at the root of all this, the certainty that the feeling was mutual.
You know that moment when the world crumbles around you as you lie bloodied and broken, heart shattered on the floor?
These moments of heartbreak and disillusionment send us into limbo. Some days we curse the day we fell for the soul mate myth. What a crock. “Soul mates are for gullible wimps and they’re not even real anyway,” we say. “I’m gonna be a player. I’m gonna leave a trail of broken hearts. Once I’ve eaten this entire pack of Tim Tams.”
Other days we might call our best friend and wail through the phone, “The soul mate IS SO real and my one dumped me, I’ll NEVER leave the house again!”
It becomes apparent that, in order to restore our faith in humanity, we must find another soul mate to fill the void and end the suffering.
So we go out looking for The One. We search ALL the bars. ALL the clubs. We roam the streets. Every cute shop assistant is a potential soul mate. And after quite a few uninspiring dates and at least three bit-of-a-shocker hookups, we start to get really down. “Why can’t I find my soul mate? What’s wrong with all these people? Maybe it’s just me? Why am I not good enough? Am I destined to walk this earth alone forever? I’m so ugly…”
If so – well, I read a book recently which was really helpful. It’s called The No Excuses Guide To Soul Mates by Stacey DeMarco and Jade Sky.
This book explained a lot for me. So get this – according to DeMarco and Sky, Soul Mates do exist. But not in the traditional sense. For instance, it’s not like there’s only One Perfect Match for you in your whole life and if you screw that up, well you might as well be dead. There’s more than one type of soul mate. Some are platonic, some are romantic, some are very physical, some are more spiritual. Even our teachers, family, or best friends can be a type of life-changing soul mate, and we attract them into our lives at different times depending on where we’re at – in that moment.
Something clicked for me as I read this book. I could actually look at each soul-mate-type and relate it to my own relationships and experiences. Suddenly these feelings of having found The One didn’t seem so misguided and foolish. Those people were special to me for a reason. Sure, they would be wrong for me now. But for me then, they were…the One.
DeMarco and Sky show you how to detox from a bad relationship and move on, build your personal power, break destructive patterns, and make dating FUN again. It’s a very heartwarming, empowering, and comforting book.
If you’ve ever had any kind of doubts, guilt, embarassment or bewilderment about any of your ex-“Soul Mates” – don’t beat yourself up, give this book a read. It might just give you some closure.
The No Excuses Guide To Soul Mates is always available at MaXXX Black. To view or purchase online please click HERE.
With our northern neighbours soaking up the sunshine (and rubbing it in our collective televisual faces) and our own weather managing more frosty than frisky, our thoughts naturally turn to that tropical getaway, or a spot of travel in a warmer, northern cliamate. What with international travel prices so low at the moment now is a perfect time to plan a naughty holiday. Cities from London to Tokyo to New Orleans have erotic scenes beyond your wildest dreams, just waiting to be tapped by pleasure-seekers.
In addition to booking your flight, choosing a hotel, and getting romantic restaurant recommendations, investigate where to go in cultivating your carnal side vis–à–vis local culture. Check out annual guides that are published exclusively on everything sex-related to a city, like Paris Sexy, getting leads on titillations like…
Kick off your holiday with some R&R, namely a decadent, sensual massage. Such spa treatment will help to reconnect you with your body, getting you in a sexy state of mind and helping you to relax (a much needed component of eventually getting sexually revved!). Enjoy, too, being buffed and bathed with a hot soak, scrub down, or steam bath. This is your time to leave your regular life behind (at least temporarily) and prime yourselves for pure eroticism.
Sexual enhancement boutiques can range from the high-end to the trashy, depending on the mood you’re in. Whether you want a store resembling a modern art gallery or like the lewd, equip yourselves with an array of intimate private time products. Leisurely browse impressive assortments of for-your-pleasure delights like vibrators, hand-blown dildos, sensual massage lotions, French ticklers, satin cuffs (with matching mask), custom-made crops or whips, erotic games… Don’t forget to pick up sensual bath and body products for some post-sex action as well, as you’re sure to have worked up a sweat in testing out your new toys!
Lose yourselves in collections of erotic art, graphic novels, racy photographs, pornographic comics, adult-only reading and DVD selections, lewd postcards… you get the picture.
Lingerie boutiques: Whether buying for yourself or for your sweetie, indulge yourselves in ensembles of ‘barely there’s.’ Not only will such shopping make you feel sexier, you’ll feel naughtier as your fingers graze lacy G-strings and garter belts, as you choose a form-fitting velvet or leather corset, or as you slip on some sexy black seamed stockings, a sheer, babydoll teddy, or the infamous maid costume.
For those feeling bold enough to shop for fetishwear, check out local collections of latex lingerie, costumes, boots, and vinyl bustiers, amongst other props, for satisfying your fixations. Top off your purchase with some killer stilettos, a feather boa, or wig, but not before inquiring about any upcoming events or fetish parties the shop might be discreetly hosting or know about.
Cabarets & Burlesque shows: For those not into “raunch”, but hoping to soothe their need for the sensual, mesmerizing cabarets and burlesque shows can do just the trick. Offering a range of deliveries, from the sassy to the shocking, these art forms play with the power of suggestion via dance, storytelling, and parody, with the burlesque possibly offering partial striptease. Other sensually-focused entertainment experiences can include a city’s ballet, theatre, or opera performances (love that drama).
In the end, your vacation is all abut YOU and the person you travel with. It can be as relaxing, sultry, sexy, or dirty as you want it to be.
Just remember to check local laws regarding adult entertainment, alcohol and drugs, and even sex toys if you’re travelling outside of Europe or North America. Plus you should always remember to be stocked up on lubricant and condoms if you’re planning on playing with multiple partners – it’s not only responsible, it’s essential.
From clinical experience, I’ve found that clients in committed, long-term relationships often present in my counselling room with complaints relating to reduced, low or non-existent sexual desire. And it is not uncommon that clients present after years of conflict regarding one partner’s sexual desire and/or availability.
But before we get started it is important to understand exactly what Sex Therapists are talking about when we refer to “sexual desire”. To keep it plain and simple sexual desire can be understood in a couple of ways. The first and most common understanding suggests that sexual desire is an innate biological drive that motivates individuals to seek out sexual stimuli or activity. Many of can relate to this of course; it’s those times when you say to yourself “I just want sex!” The second interpretation sees sexual desire as an external force that manifests in the potential partner rather than from an internal need within the desiring self. In my own experience with clients, I’ve found that people can show both innate and external desire and this can occur interchangeably within their relationships.
So why do people struggle with sexual desire? What are the causes? It is important to acknowledge that there can be multiple physical, medical, psychological, emotional and social factors contributing to this phenomenon.
You may have heard friends, family, colleagues or even strangers talking about why their mojo just won’t show. These may have been factors such as long working days, exhaustion, children, lack of privacy in the family home, relationship problems such as anger at the other partner, or a significant life event, communication problems, substance abuse, anxiety and depression, illness, certain medications, prior sexual abuse, gynaecological problems or even a primary medical problem such as Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD). And while this seems like a long list, it is by no means exhaustive. Unresolved problems relating to sexual desire can prove catastrophic to both the sexual and non-sexual relationship in long-term relationships. In a situation where people might be feeling strain in their relationship, this may be a good time to see a health practitioner that can assist and offer support.
Sex therapists use a number of techniques that can be used to address sexual desire issues. General education about the anatomy and physiology of the body and sexual techniques can be very helpful when people have limited or no knowledge about. We also give our clients sensual touch homework exercises involving touching, caressing and non-coital massage. Who would have thought homework could be so much fun? The aim of the game is to help couples recapture their sexual intimacy and work towards rebuilding that physical connection that may have been neglected due to any problems that may have arisen in the relationship. Communication! Communication! Communication! You guessed it, being able to communicate and negotiate our needs and wants, both sexually and more generally within the context of the relationship is also important as an influencing factor in upping “that thang”.
It is important to remember that working with sexual issues also involves working with relationships. Sexual and relationship issues can exist on their own. However, relationship problems can cause sexual problems and sexual problems can cause relationship problems and is not always easy to know the links between relationship and sexual problems.
The information discussed in this article offers some brief information and a few simple suggestions about how I work with low sexual desire. But one size does not fit all and each individual and/or couple will no doubt benefit from an individualised and client centered consultation with a qualified and experienced Sex Therapist and/or Relationship Counsellor.
Christina is one of the very talented sex therapy professionals that MaXXX Black recommends. For information about sex therapy and counselling we encourage everyone to read our Community Links page.
There’s a wise old saying about spiritual and personal growth: first there is the mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is the mountain again.
What this means is that you have normality, then that disappears while you grow and experience the opposite, and then it comes back again as you integrate the two. But it’s not the same reality, it might look the same but the experience of it is quite different.
At first we do standard sex, which generally means focusing on the physical, generally in our heads. You’ll have heard me describe this in various ways: the performance model of sex, the adolescent male masterbatory model of sex. This is level one sex, where you focus on the ‘peaks’ of sex, the ‘bigger-harder-faster’. Level one sex is about technique, sexual excitation and explosive orgasms. This is the mountain you start with.
Then you realise that this type of sex is not entirely satisfying, there has to be more. So you start to explore a deeper approach to sex. You may find that you are attracted to Tantra, with its mindful approach to love-making. You find yourselves slowing down, taking time to connect and to build eroticism. This is level two love-making. This is where you become aware of the ‘valleys’ of sex, where the sensual and subtle create feelings of ecstacy. This is where the mountain disappears, sex is not what it was.
Then the mountain reappears as you combine both the peaks and valleys of sex. But these are not the same peaks you knew before you discovered the valleys. These are peaks of sexual intensity that come with great presence and connection. You swing between the peaks of sexual intensity and the valleys of sexual bliss, in a flow of love-making that has no plan or expectation. This is stage three lovemaking, and it is truly awesome.
Would you like to learn more about second level love-making and even move on to third level one-making? Then book in to my Tantra Fusion Workshops, or have private sex therapy and/or Tantra sessions.
No doubt that today, being Valentine’s Day, will see millions of couples step out for a luxurious, or intimate, or purely romantic dinner. So it’s the perfect day to present Part 2 of our super sex foods. (You can read part one here)
Did you know that men who consume at least 200 milligrams of vitamin C a day improve their sperm counts and motility? In fact Vitamin C has even been shown to be effective in reversing infertility in some men (University of Texas) in as little as 14 days.
And while you’re in the grocer don’t forget the Watermelon. It’s filled with high concentrations of the good-for-your-heart, good-for-sex phytonutrients lycopene, beta carotene, and, the big one, citrulline. Citrulline is particularly exciting for its ability to relax blood vessels, according to studies at Texas A&M University. When you eat watermelon, the citrulline is converted to the helpful amino acid arginine. Arginine boosts nitric oxide, which relaxes blood vessels, the same basic effect that Viagra has, to treat erectile dysfunction and maybe even prevent it.
Alot of people are going to like this one. Italian researchers recently found that the antioxidants and alcohol in the wine may trigger the production of nitric oxide in the blood, which helps artery walls to relax, increasing blood flow to the genitals. Just limit yourselves to a glass or two. More alcohol than that can put a damper on sexual performance and lead to bed spins of a not-very-sexy nature. Worth noting: even teetotalers can benefit from the red grape. Dark grape juice contains antioxidant polyphenols that protect the cardiovascular system and help keep skin flexible and elastic.
Which brings us to red meat. Lean cuts are great sources of zinc, a mineral that curbs production of a hormone called prolactin, which at high levels can cause sexual dysfunction, according to Berman. Zinc is also a key muscle-building nutrient, and the high concentrations of conjugated linoleic acids (CLA) in beef, studies show, may spur weight loss. Choose filet mignon or other deep red cuts with round or loin in the name, because they are the leanest.
Protein is so important to weight maintenance that you should eat it with every meal and snack. Proteins boost metabolism a little more during digestion than any other type of food. Plus protein increases metabolism by helping to build muscle and stall the muscle loss that naturally happens as we age. Muscle is more metabolically active than fat is, so the more lean muscle on your body the better at burning calories it will be. Plus, well-toned abs and thighs are nice to look at when unadorned by clothing. So, how do you eat more protein without going overboard on eggs and meat? Beans—they’re good for the heart and your glutes. Kidneys, garbanzos, black beans, and navy beans are full of muscle-building protein.
While they may not be the best choice for a side dish if you plan on sex for dessert, building your meal plan around a foundation of beans and legumes will ultimately pay off for you sexually. Many studies show that bean eaters are leaner and healthier than people who don’t eat beans. According to one study in the Journal of the American College of Nutrition, people who eat 3/4 cup beans or legumes a day have lower blood pressure and smaller waists than people who get their protein from meat. Beans are also full of cholesterol-lowering soluble fiber. A quarter cup of red kidney beans delivers 3 grams of fiber, plus more than 6,000 disease-fighting antioxidants. Navy beans are particularly rich in potassium, which regulates blood pressure and heart contractions, something you’ll need as your heart starts racing when he does that special move that makes you melt.
Well, to be more specific – fatty fish. If what’s good for your heart is good for your love life, then fish like salmon, mackerel, sardines and tuna should feature regularly in your meals.
The omega-3 fatty acids DHA and EPA found in fish help to raise dopamine levels in the brain that trigger arousal, according to sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD. Other health benefits: anti-inflammatory properties that fight blood clots and heart arrhythmias, better brain function, and protection against dementia. Studies show that omega-3s can also reduce symptoms of depression. Research from the University of Pittsburgh showed that people with high omega-3 blood levels were happier and more agreeable. Tell us that can’t help you get more sex!
Fish is one of the many healthy foods that contain the amino acid L-arginine, which stimulates the release of growth hormone among other substances and is converted into nitric oxide in the body. It’s worth repeating: nitric oxide is critical for erections and it can help women’s sexual function as well by causing blood vessels to open wider for improved blood flow.
Did you know a bowl of Uncle Tobys’ finest is one of the few ways to boost testosterone in the bloodstream?
The male hormone plays a significant role in sex drive and orgasm strength in both men and women. Oats (as well as seeds, ginseng, nuts, dairy, and green vegetables) contain L-arginine, an amino acid that enhances the effect nitric oxide has on reducing blood vessel stiffness. L-arginine has been used to treat erectile dysfunction. Like Viagra, it helps relax muscles around blood vessels in the penis. When they dilate, blood flow increases so a man can maintain an erection.
Oatmeal and other whole grains like whole-grain bread, brown rice, and barley also qualify as good-for-the-heart, better-for-the-gut foods. They are slow-burning, complex carbohydrates that won’t drive your blood sugar through the roof. They keep you feeling fuller longer and provide excellent energy. Try a bowl of steel-cut oatmeal with fresh berries and bananas with a drizzle of honey before your next marathon sex session.
Oysters have long held their reputation as an aphrodisiac (though that is historically attributed to their shape and visual appeal), however raw oysters do have a strong connection to sexual function.
Oysters hold more zinc than most any other food, and it is believed that this mineral may enhance libido by helping with testosterone production–higher levels of the hormone are linked to an increase in desire. Zinc is also crucial to healthy sperm production and blood circulation. While Casanova reportedly ate 50 raw oysters a day, about six will provide double the recommended daily allowance of 15 mg of zinc.
To spice things up a bit, try a few dashes of hot sauce on your raw oysters. Other good sources of zinc are shrimp, red meat, pumpkin seeds, poultry and pork, eggs, and dairy products.
No matter what you’re serving, make it healthy, yummy and sensual – and remember, food does more than set the mood, it’s also vital to the way we want to play.
I’m often asked what’s the difference between sex therapy and coaching, and where Tantra fits in. So here goes…
In a nutshell, Sex Therapy fixes sexual dysfunctions to make people sexually functional. Sex (and Relationship) Coaching, takes functional people and makes them exceptional. As I do both, I can help you fix the problems, and then take you beyond – far beyond – into the realm of exceptional! That’s where the Tantra comes in.
Sex Therapy is a modality of sexual healing to help people with sexual dysfunctions become sexually functional. This involves addressing the psychological barriers to sexual health and well-being as well as providing sexual education and correction of limiting or false beliefs around sex and sexuality. Once healing has occurred, Sex Coaching can then take the individual or client to greater sexual awareness and fulfillment.
Sex Coaching is pathway for sexual growth. Sex Coaching is a client-focused approach that works with sexually functional individuals and couples to enable them to deepen and expand their experience of sex, love and intimacy. Depending on the needs of the client, it may include ancient and esoteric teachings (see Tantra Teaching), sex education and instruction. The Coach helps the client to discover and enhance their own eroticism to create a love life that is one of ongoing growth and fulfillment.
Relationship coaching is a professional client-focused service where an essentially functional individual or couple is guided to create their desired relationship with effective support and information. The Coach enables the client(s) to become clear about their needs, hopes and desires, and to develop understandings and strategies to achieve these in a mutually supportive way. While past hurts and history may be addressed, the focus is more on moving forward, with the aim of enabling ongoing personal and relationship growth.
Tantra is a spiritual and energetic approach to sex and life that comes from ancient India. Along with the Taoists of China and Qidosha from North America, these approaches to sex, love and intimacy are much broader and deeper than conventional western understandings. Through practices that include breathing, mindfulness, moving energy and sensual touch, you will learn to connect with your partner is a way that is real, deep, erotic, poetic and intensely beautiful. Tantra sessions do not involve nudity or intimate touch – that’s the homework!
Book in for private sessions or attend Tantra Fusion Workshops to take your relationship and sex life to functional and beyond!
Tags:relationship coaching, relationship counselling, sex coaching, sex counselling, sex therapy, tantra fusion, tantra learn, what is sex therapy?
Sexologists, cardiologists, and psychologists agree: how much you consume has a huge impact on your sexual health. Exactly what you eat is important, too. The right foods can help us transform the way we feel, and the way we feel is central to how healthy our libido is.
So here are the 12 foods you should be getting more of if you want to get more of ‘it’. Part 2 next week.
Researchers at the University of Rochester conducted experiments on undergraduate students to see if there was any real connection between the color and sex. In one, male and female students viewed images of women on red or white backgrounds. The men found a woman’s image on red more attractive than on white, while the female students did not. In another test, men were asked to rate attractiveness of pictures of women on red, white, gray, green, or blue backgrounds. As expected, the men scored the women on red as more sexually attractive. They also said they would spend more money on the women in red than on those in the other colors.
Strawberries can be considered sexy for another reason besides their sensual color: they are high in the B vitamin folate that helps prevent birth defects, and vitamin C, a potential libido booster. Strawberries dipped in melted dark chocolate anyone? Or how about the classic strawberries and whipped cream? Blueberries (and blackberries) are just as sexy. Ideal for a great morning-after breakfast in bed, so you have energy for round 2, both berries contain compounds that are thought to relax blood vessels and improve circulation for a natural Viagra-like effect.
Spinach is a potent source of magnesium, which helps dilate blood vessels, according to Japanese researchers. Better blood flow to the genitals, as you’ve learned, creates greater arousal for men and women. Spinach and other green vegetables like broccoli, Brussels sprouts, kale, cabbage, Swiss chard, and bok choy are also good sources of our favorite sex nutrient—folate.
Extra insurance for good reproductive health, folate may lower blood levels of a harmful substance called homocysteine. This abrasive amino acid irritates the lining of arteries and encourages plaque to adhere to it. A high level of homocysteine is a significant risk factor for peripheral arterial disease (PAD). But it appears that dietary folate is protective. In a study of 46,000 men. Harvard University researchers found that those who consumed the most folate daily were 30 percent less likely to develop PAD (Peripheral Arterial Disease) than men who ate the fewest folate-rich foods.
The antioxidant catechin found in tea promotes blood flow all over the body for sex power and brainpower; it enhances memory, mood, and focus.
One particularly potent catechin, a compound called ECGC prevalent in green tea, is thought to increase fat burn. A study in the Journal of Nutrition found that people who consumed the equivalent of three to five cups of green tea a day for 12 weeks experienced nearly a 5 percent reduction in bodyweight. Drink freshly brewed green or black tea every day-hot or iced. Bottled teas don’t offer the same benefits. And keep the sugar out of it.
Unsweetened tea is an excellent alternative to high-calorie, sugar-laden soft drinks and juices. One 12-ounce can of soda has about 10 teaspoons of sugar in it. The western world is drinking itself into obesity! The high-fructose corn syrup in many soft drinks raises insulin levels, which can over time develop into diabetes. Studies also show that getting too much sugar lowers the body’s ability to produce endorphins. Low endorphins can lead to depression, and know that depression sucks the life out of our sex drive.
Pumpkin and sunflower seeds, almonds, peanuts, walnuts, and other nuts all contain the necessary monounsaturated fats with which your body creates cholesterol—and your sex hormones need that cholesterol to work properly. That’s something the ancient Romans didn’t know when they tossed walnuts at newlyweds for good breeding luck.
Long linked to fertility—the shell, of course, resembles a man’s cojones; the inside meat is vulvalike in form—nuts make a perfectly sexy snack. Packed with muscle-building protein and filling fiber, they are a heart-healthy, albeit calorie-dense, treat.
Over easy, hard-boiled, or scrambled, eggs aren’t the most sensual food on the menu, but it’s hard to beat them for a fit and healthy body inside and out. Eggs are rich in vitamins B6 and B5, which help balance hormone levels and ease stress, and are important for a healthy libido.
Calorie for calorie, eggs deliver more biologically usable protein (if you eat the yolks) than any other food, including beef. Eggs are an excellent part of a weight-loss strategy thanks to their protein and B12, a vitamin that studies have shown is necessary for breaking down fat.
One study in the International Journal of Obesity found that when overweight people ate two eggs or a bagel for breakfast 5 days a week for 8 weeks, those who ate the eggs lost 65 percent more weight (and lost it faster) than the bagel eaters.
Devouring something gooey and decadent is incredibly sensual. Dark chocolate, in particular, contains a compound called phenylethylamine that releases the same endorphins triggered by sex, and increases the feelings of attraction between two people, according to research published in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association. In fact, brain scans in a British study showed that eating chocolate causes a more intense and longer brainbuzz than kissing does. In this study researchers monitored the brains and heart rates of couples while they kissed passionately or ate chocolate. The brains of both men and women showed greater stimulation while the chocolate melted on their tongues than when their tongues were tied in a passionate kiss.
What’s the “healthiest” chocolate? The disease-fighting flavonols that make dark chocolate good for the body also cause the bitterness. To balance flavor and health benefits, try dark chocolate with 70 percent cacao, recommends Jeffrey Blumberg, PhD, who directs the Antioxidants Research Laboratory at Tufts University A 2-inch square chunk, at about 100 calories, will deliver a healthy treat without messing with your weight-management efforts.
So there you have it. I’ll tell you about 6 more super foods next week, but until then remember, you can eat your way to better sex!
Christina Spaccavento is one of MB’s community network members and she is a brilliant therapist. Recently she contributed to an article in NewsLifeMedia’s Body & Soul. Here it is….
It might be marketed that way, but dietician Kate diPrima says there’s much more to it. “This is a 150 million dollar segment of the industry, which thought they’d catch some health-conscious males,” she says. “Generally, beer is low in carbohydrates. It’s the total kilojoule content that makes a difference to your beer gut. Fat has 37kj per gram, alcohol has 29kj per gram and carbohydrates have 16kj per gram. So it is far better, from a health perspective, to choose a low-alcohol or reduced-alcohol beer and overall, to drink less. Try drinking a pot (285ml), rather than a 375ml stubby.” she says.
“About 30-40 per cent of men will experience impotence,” says Christina Spaccavento, Acting CEO of Impotence Australia, sex therapist and relationship counsellor. Impotence can occur as a result of a medical, psychological or emotional condition, lifelong; or situational, Spaccavento notes. “Younger men will experience a higher level of psychological impotence, although this does tend to pass if they can deal with the emotions surrounding this. Older men tend to be affected for medical reasons, such as prostate, diabetes or heart issues,” she says. If you’re young and have experienced some level of erectile dysfunction make a visit to your doctor who will be able to look at the causes and, if necessary, make referral to sex therapist or specialist. For older men, Spaccavento advices to get a health check, “as it may be a sign of cardiovascular disease,” she says.
A study by psychologists from the University of Derby, England, found that men suffer cyclical moodiness, discomfort and loss of concentration, just as women may during PMT. However, not all PMT is created equal. “Men’s mood can also be influenced by normal fluctuations or drops in testosterone levels with age,” says psychologist Dr Elizabeth Celi.
“This isn’t necessarily clinical or of concern. Our hormones naturally regulate our reproductive systems as well as our mood, and therefore our information-processing abilities. Men have normal psychological systems with mood fluctuations like anyone else: to reduce it to a PMT-equivalent is somewhat simplistic. Women’s menstrual cycles aren’t the only thing to affect their moods either,” she says.
“Men tend to be less emotional, but they still experience strong emotions. The difference is, that they’re culturally trained to not identify or express their feelings,” says Paul Martin, Principal Psychologist at Centre for Human Potential, Brisbane. “When we have emotions in the limbic (emotional) area of the brain, these need to travel through the language area [of the brain] and out the mouth through speech, or by writing issues down. This is called processing our emotions. With men, when there are emotions other than anger, they’re unlikely to express them.”
So that joke about grumpy old men has a degree of truth? “If men never process their feelings, this can result in depression, stress or anxiety. Rather than tears, they’ll withdraw into themselves and become less emotionally available or grumpy,” Martin says.
“An understanding of masculinity is important when you’re dealing with men,” says Dr Ronald McCoy from the Royal Australian College of General Practitioners.
“Men usually hold the supportive role: we put a lot of responsibility on men to be the provider and to not be ill. Women are used to dealing with their health: pap smears, breast checks, childcare, and pregnancy. So when men get ill, it can be stressful and quite a shock to their emotions. Also, people overestimate how terrible a common cold can make you feel. It’s all about an individual’s response to their illness.” We women may think it’s humorous, but perhaps we should take their temperature before we get dismissive.
Are you kinky? That question could be answered in any variety of ways depending on who you ask. Kinky is as kinky does and your degree of kinkiness is defined by what you consider kinky. What may be vanilla sex to some people may be fetish play to others.
Every society develops norms, rules and standards for behavior. The same is true for sexual behavior. These standards vary from one society to the next, as well as in historical periods. They result in dividing people into mainly two groups: those that conform and those who deviate from the “norm”. In our current society, those that conform would fall into the category of vanilla sex, while those that do not would be called deviants or kinky. What may be acceptable to one society during a certain place and time may be a crime in another. In other words, human sexual behavior is a cultural construct, influenced by what a particular society deems acceptable.
In Western culture, our sexuality has been seriously repressed from the time we are young children and often lasts long into adulthood. These inbred social taboos often plague people with guilt and insecurities, effectively stopping or slowing their exploration of “forbidden” desires.
Yet, many women have at one time or another read an “erotic” novel and gotten turned on by it. These Harlequin Romance types of stories usually have themes of conflict and surrender, in which the woman is swept away by a handsome rogue often by force as she cries, “No! No!” while inside she shivers with ecstasy. Countless horror films turn the tables and put the woman in charge as the evil seductress who lures the man into their web of sex and deceit. We have Scream Queens, Damsels in Distress, Vamps and Femmes Fatale, all icons of popular culture that hint at the hidden desires we have buried inside.
More and more “vanilla” partners are exploring their sexuality by living out their fantasies and discovering various types of sexual “play”. From rough sex, to blindfolding, to playful spanking, KINK or BDSM is more mainstream than ever.
As children we learn to fantasize and play games to act these fantasies out. When we become adults, many of us lose this ability to play. But, being an adult does not mean you should deprive yourself of your sexual fantasies. Acting out fantasies and role-playing can create greater trust and intimacy between partners as well as help them to achieve a more sexually fulfilling and exciting sexual life.
According to Nancy Friday, many male and female sexual fantasies revolve around submission and dominance, or some surrender of control. Many sexual practices that are associated with paraphilias (or deviant sex) are becoming widely recognized as different and diverse forms of sexual play, or kinky sex, rather than a form of psychological deviancy. When practiced safety, sanely and between consensual adults, these acts are considered by most to be just another form of sexual expression.
Kink includes a wide spectrum of activities that are almost always eroticized by the participants in some fashion. Many of types of kinky activities can be found under the umbrella of BDSM, which include — but are not limited to — forms of dominance, submission, discipline, punishment, bondage, sexual role-playing, sexual fetishism, sadomasochism, and power exchange, as well as the full spectrum of mainstream sexual interactions.
Role-playing is exactly what it sounds like: each partner takes on a usually complementary, but unequal, role in which they enact personas and sexual fantasies. Typically, one is the top or dominant (the giver) and one is the bottom or submissive (the receiver), but these roles and activities are also interchangeable. Special forms of erotic role-play include age play, Doctor/nurse or Nurse/patient, Master/slave, Teacher/schoolgirl, puppy and pony-play, Goddess/worshipper, Punisher/victim, play rape scenarios as well as many others.
Have you ever had someone hold your hands down while having sex? If not, I highly recommend it as it is incredibly erotic. My first experience with this was how I found out I was “slightly” kinky. The simple action of holding someone down while have sex—rough dominant sex, if you will—is a form of dominance and submission. Doesn’t sound too kinky does it? Actually, sounds kind of fun! Now, if one were to add silk scarves or rope to tie you to the bedposts, that would take this one step further and you might think that was rather kinky, but maybe still doable. Or maybe you are getting wet just thinking about it? What is important with any type of kinky play, or dominance and submission, is that you talk about your fantasies together, decide your wants and limits, and do so conscentually.
As mentioned above, bondage, even being held down while having sex, can be for some people highly erotic. The term “Bondage” describes the practice of restraining for pleasure. Bondage, while kinky for some, is only another type of sexual expression for many couples or play partners, even in vanilla relationships. Types of bondage include using rope, hand cuffs, spreader bars, or even suspension. Another more “extreme” type of bondage is mummification in which someone is wrapped in plastic wrap or placed in bondage bags. Muzzles, hoods and even ball gags are also considered bondage because they are in some way restrictive.
Sensation play is a sensual way of touching your partner that is a wonderful form of erotic foreplay. It can consist of tying someone up and tickling them with a feather, rubbing fur or silk over their flesh while blindfolded, pouring hot candle wax on your partner’s skin to turn up the heat, using ice cubes to awaken and entice, or applying a pinwheel or other sharp instruments of torture to add an element of danger and excitement. Sensation play can add a level of eroticism that can bring your arousal to new heights of pleasure and passion.
Spanking is also another popular kinky practice that has made its way into mainstream vanilla sex. Spanking is a form of percussion play which is another form of touching someone that can be wildly erotic. It can include anything from light, playful spanking to flagellation with whips and paddles, to caning, flogging and everything in between. One person’s pain is another person’s pleasure. People who enjoy percussion may have spanking fantasies they’d love to fulfill. Many men and women enjoy the fantasy of being punished for real or imagined “bad behavior”. Some people enjoy being put into a submissive position, while others enjoy the physical sensation of getting their backside (or other sexual parts) warmed up.
Of course there are literally hundreds of types of kink, including a long list of fetishes and paraphilias that one could explore or desire. One person’s kink is another person’s vanilla.