humongous I had to wash myself with a ShamWow stapled to a broom handle , I could see the value in such sites . But I 'm not isolated , nor confined to a forklift . I do n't need a middleman brokering a get together between the potential woman of my dreams and my own abilities to self-sabotage and humiliate myself . I can do this without an intermediary . The Frisky : Have to go online to get a date ? This might or might not be a totally uninformed opinion . The extent of my research began and ended with me signing up for OK Cupid , and failing to finish my profile . I could n't even bring myself to pick a pseudonym , which just seemed like the first of many lies required to meet anyone . Do I call myself OptimusGandalf and admit from the get-go that I 'm an alpha nerd ? Do I overshare a little too much and pick EdgarAllanEeyore ? Or do I just admit to being a snarky , pretentious creep and go for HumbertHumbert ? The Frisky : Online dating dos and do n'ts I tried to fill
-LRB- The Frisky -RRB- -- Groucho Marx once famously quipped `` I do n't care to belong to a club that would have me as a member . '' I sort of feel the same way about online dating sites . There has got to be a better way to meet people . Sadly , mental telepathy does not work . Unless you know what I was just thinking , in which case , e-mail me . We flock to digital artifices that both feed and coddle our egos , says writer of online dating sites . I 've recently begun ... researching popular dating sites . Not because I need a date . No ! I do n't need a date . I 'm up to my ears in hot lady action . No , this research is for you , for all of you . It 's a testament to my generosity of spirit I waded through these interweb love sewers in order to impart some sort of wisdom . Here 's the wisdom : dating sites are terrible . Possibly , if I was in prison , an Alaskan crab fisherman or a morbidly obese shut-in so