never say , think , or do when dealing with a single woman over the age of 35 . 1 . Hey , cousin Christy , how ` bout we break with tradition and dispense with that bridal bouquet toss ? Believe it or not , it 's actually a touch degrading to be shoved front and center next to your spinster aunt Mitzi from Winnipeg as a roomful of revelers hopped up on Champagne and jumbo shrimp chant , `` You 're next , you 're next . '' 2 . The word picky -- as in `` the reason you refuse to meet my podiatrist 's brother-in-law for a night of miniature golf is that you 're too picky '' -- is not only offensive , it 's inaccurate . Hell , I 'd have dated Ted Bundy if he were willing to meet in a well-lit , public place . No , I suspect it was your description of his `` slight comb-over '' and `` profound desire to one day shake Dick Cheney 's hand '' that made me release that `` catch '' back into the wilds of New Jersey . Oprah.com : The number
-LRB- OPRAH.com -RRB- -- Allow me to introduce myself . I am a gainfully employed , God-fearing , law-abiding citizen , and I come in peace . I do n't bet on baseball , I take excellent care of my gums , I keep my tray table locked and upright from takeoff to landing . Oh , and there 's one more thing : I am what is commonly referred to in polite society as `` an unmarried woman . '' Truth be told , I now have a boyfriend and a baby girl -- it 's all very modern -- but much of my 30s involved ostensibly concerned bystanders averting their eyes , asking how many cats I own , and sharing their private theories on where it all went so hideously wrong for me . Ah , yes , I remember it well . And when I start to forget , I still have plenty of single girlfriends in various states of angst to remind me of the grotesque fix-ups , the ham-handed remarks , and the brutal Thanksgiving dinners . For those valiant , traumatized souls , I present my list of the ten things one must