-LRB- OPRAH.com -RRB- -- At 13 he was selling crack . By 30 he was a hip-hop legend -- having gone , in his words , `` from grams to Grammys . '' Jay-Z tells Oprah Winfrey a conversation with his father freed him `` one hundred percent . '' Now Jay-Z charts his escape from the hard-knock life , describes the reunion that healed the wounds of his childhood -- and even reveals his personal creed . The rapper , now 39 , was born Shawn Carter in Brooklyn , New York . His albums include `` Reasonable Doubt , '' `` The Black Album '' and the just-released `` The Blueprint 3 . '' Jay-Z also owns a portion of the NBA 's New Jersey Nets and founded , with Damon Dash , the clothing line Rocawear . Jay-Z spoke with Oprah Winfrey about his father , his anger and his old life . The following is an edited version of the interview . Oprah Winfrey : When you were 5 , your family moved to the Marcy projects -- and then your father left when you were 11 . When you look back at that , what did your 11-year-old self feel ? Jay-Z : Anger . At the whole situation . Because when you 're growing up , your dad is your superhero . Once you 've let yourself fall that in love with someone , once you put him on such a high pedestal and he lets you down , you never want to experience that pain again . So I remember just being really quiet and really cold . Never wanting to let myself get close to someone like that again . I carried that feeling throughout my life , until my father and I met up before he died . Oprah : Wow . I 've never heard a man phrase it that way . You know , I 've done many shows about divorce , and the real crime is when the kids are n't told . They just wake up one day and their dad is gone . Did that happen to you ? Jay-Z : We were told our parents would separate , but the reasons were n't explained . My mom prepared us more than he did . I do n't think he was ready for that level of discussion and emotion . He was a guy who was pretty detached from his feelings . Oprah : Did you wonder why he left ? Jay-Z : I summed it up that they were n't getting along . There was a lot of arguing . Oprah : And did you know you were angry ? Jay-Z : Yeah . I also felt protective of my mom . I remember telling her , `` Do n't worry , when I get big , I 'm going to take care of this . '' I felt like I had to step up . I was 11 years old , right ? But I felt I had to make the situation better . Oprah : How did that change you ? Jay-Z : It made me not express my feelings as much . I was already a shy kid , and it made me a little reclusive . But it also made me independent . And stronger . It was a weird juxtaposition . Oprah : I 've read that when you were 12 , you shot your brother in the shoulder . Did your father 's leaving have anything to do with that ? Did it turn you into the kind of angry kid who would end up shooting his brother ? Jay-Z : Yes -- and my brother was dealing with a lot of demons . Oprah : How old was he ? Jay-Z : About 16 . He was doing a lot of drugs . He was taking stuff from our family . I was the youngest , but I felt like I needed to protect everybody . Oprah : So how did you get back in touch with your father ? Jay-Z : My mom set up a meeting . And now I realize why -- it makes all the sense in the world . I remember very distinctly that I had a conversation with her in my kitchen . I was saying , `` You know , Ma , I 've really been trying to look inward , and maybe I 'm just not meant to fall in love like other people do . '' She just looked at me like , `` Hush up , boy . '' Oprah : Wow . Jay-Z : And I guess from that point , she figured out what was wrong with me , and she planned a meeting between me and my father . I was like , `` Ma , I 'm a grown man . I do n't need a dad now . '' Oprah : You did n't feel a hole in your soul ? Jay-Z : I never looked at that . I guess I did n't want to deal with it . Because , you know , once I looked , I 'd have to do something about it . And I guess I still had too much resentment and anger . Oprah : In one of your songs , you wrote that you were n't sure if your father even remembered your birthday is in December . Jay-Z : I believed that . When I was a kid , I once waited for him on a bench . He never showed up . Even as an adult , that affected me . So when my mom set up this meeting , I told her he would n't come -- and the first time , he did n't . At that point , I was really done , but Mom pushed for another meeting , because she 's just a beautiful soul . Oprah : The second time , your father showed up . Jay-Z : He showed up . And I gave him the real conversation . I told him how I felt the day he left . He was saying stuff like `` Man , you knew where I was . '' I 'm like , `` I was a kid ! Do you realize how wrong you were ? It was your responsibility to see me . '' He finally accepted that . Oprah : Where had he been ? Jay-Z : At his mom 's house 10 minutes away from me . That was the sad part . Oprah : Was there any explanation he could have offered that would have satisfied you ? Jay-Z : Yes -- and that 's why we were able to mend our relationship . Oprah : What was his reason ? Jay-Z : When I was 9 , my dad 's brother got stabbed , and my dad went looking for the guy who did it . People would call in the middle of the night and tell him , `` So-and-so is out here . '' So my dad would get up , get his gun , and go outside to look for the guy . After a while , my mom was like , `` Hey , this is your family now . You ca n't do that . '' But this was my dad 's baby brother . And my dad was in so much pain that he started using drugs and became a different person . So I understand that the trauma of the event , coupled with the drugs , caused him to lose his soul . Oprah : When you saw him again , had he come back to himself ? Jay-Z : He was broken . He had a bad liver , and he knew that if he continued drinking , it would kill him . But he did n't stop . Oprah : How soon after you saw him did he die ? Jay-Z : A couple of months . I got him an apartment , I was buying furniture . And he passed away . Oprah : Did you instantly make peace with him during that conversation ? Jay-Z : Pretty much . I felt lighter . Oprah : The conversation freed you in ways that you had n't been free before ? Jay-Z : One hundred percent . Oprah : Did it open the door for you to have a life with love in it ? Jay-Z : Absolutely . Oprah : So what 's your personal creed ? Jay-Z : Be true to yourself -- and keep things simple . People complicate things . Oprah : My creed is that intention creates reality . Jay-Z : Now I 'm having an aha moment ! That 's true . OPRAH.com : The top 20 things Oprah knows for sure Oprah : What 's the basis of your spiritual belief ? Jay-Z : I believe in karma : What you do to others comes back to you . Oprah : But do n't you think we 're responsible only for what we know ? Otherwise , you 'd be facing karma for every person you sold drugs to . Jay-Z : As a kid , I did n't know any better . But now , if I were to act as if what I did was n't bad , that would be irresponsible . And I 'd have to bear the weight of that . Oprah : Maya Angelou always says , `` When you know better , you do better . '' Do you still think back on that time in your life ? Jay-Z : All the time . When you make music , you 're constantly on the psychiatrist 's couch , so to speak . That 's an outlet for me . Because I 'm not normally a talkative person . I do n't have conversations like this for no reason . OPRAH.com : Read the entire exclusive interview from O , The Oprah Magazine By Oprah Winfrey from O , The Oprah Magazine , September 2009 © 2009 Harpo Productions , Inc. . Subscribe to O , The Oprah Magazine for up to 75 % off the newsstand price . That 's like getting 18 issues FREE . Subscribe now ! TM & © 2009 Harpo Productions , Inc. . All Rights Reserved .