finished_summaries/shmoop/The Brothers Karamazov/section_43_part_0.txt
The Brothers Karamazov.book 7.chapter 3
book 7, chapter 3
{"name": "Book 7, Chapter 3", "url": "https://web.archive.org/web/20201023112808/https://www.shmoop.com/study-guides/literature/brothers-karamazov/summary/book-7-chapter-3", "summary": "When Alyosha and Rakitin arrive at Grushenka's, they find that she's all dressed up and in a state of excitement, as if she were expecting someone. She tells them she told Dmitri that she was going to spend all day doing accounting with her \"old man,\" Samsonov, but in fact she's waiting around for a very special message. She's so excited that she invites herself to sit on Alyosha's lap. Instead of feeling terrified, as he usually is with women, Alyosha finds himself just plain curious. Grushenka announces that her \"officer\" is in town. This officer had left her when she was just 17 and married another woman. It seems that now his wife has died and he wants to get back together with Grushenka. Grushenka admits that she had thought of seducing Alyosha before because he just seemed so good and made her feel ashamed, but she announces that she just loves him. Rakitin remarks that Alyosha is grieving over Zosima's death, and Grushenka jumps off Alyosha's lap in dismay. Alyosha reads this action as her \"saving\" him from lusty thoughts and proof that there is some goodness within her. Grushenka tells Alyosha a fable about an old woman whose sole kind deed in life was to give an onion to a beggar woman. Upon her death, the devils threw her into a lake of fire, but her guardian angel appeals to God. God tells the angel that if the old woman did one act of kindness, he would spare her. The angel mentions the onion. God says OK, you can extend an onion to her, and she can hold onto the onion, and you can pull her out of the lake with the onion. But if the onion breaks, she's stuck in the lake of fire. So the angel offers the woman the onion, the woman grabs hold, and the angel pulls. But everyone else in the lake of fire grabs onto the woman. When she tries to shake them off, the onion breaks and she is back in the lake of fire. Grushenka tells Alyosha that her non-seduction of him is her one \"onion,\" her one kind act. In fact, she had even offered Rakitin 25 roubles to bring Alyosha to her for just this purpose. She throws Rakitin the money, which Rakitin accepts, although shamefacedly. Grushenka is still exploding with emotion, torn between joy that her officer is returning to her and anger that he rejected her in the first place. She even considers bringing a knife to her meeting with him. The message from her officer finally arrives: he would like to meet her at Mokroye. Alyosha and Rakitin leave Grushenka's. Rakitin is still annoyed with Alyosha for being so angelic and leaves him. Alyosha walks alone to the monastery.", "analysis": ""}
Chapter III. An Onion


Grushenka lived in the busiest part of the town, near the cathedral
square, in a small wooden lodge in the courtyard belonging to the house of
the widow Morozov. The house was a large stone building of two stories,
old and very ugly. The widow led a secluded life with her two unmarried
nieces, who were also elderly women. She had no need to let her lodge, but
every one knew that she had taken in Grushenka as a lodger, four years
before, solely to please her kinsman, the merchant Samsonov, who was known
to be the girl's protector. It was said that the jealous old man's object
in placing his "favorite" with the widow Morozov was that the old woman
should keep a sharp eye on her new lodger's conduct. But this sharp eye
soon proved to be unnecessary, and in the end the widow Morozov seldom met
Grushenka and did not worry her by looking after her in any way. It is
true that four years had passed since the old man had brought the slim,
delicate, shy, timid, dreamy, and sad girl of eighteen from the chief town
of the province, and much had happened since then. Little was known of the
girl's history in the town and that little was vague. Nothing more had
been learnt during the last four years, even after many persons had become
interested in the beautiful young woman into whom Agrafena Alexandrovna
had meanwhile developed. There were rumors that she had been at seventeen
betrayed by some one, some sort of officer, and immediately afterwards
abandoned by him. The officer had gone away and afterwards married, while
Grushenka had been left in poverty and disgrace. It was said, however,
that though Grushenka had been raised from destitution by the old man,
Samsonov, she came of a respectable family belonging to the clerical
class, that she was the daughter of a deacon or something of the sort.

And now after four years the sensitive, injured and pathetic little orphan
had become a plump, rosy beauty of the Russian type, a woman of bold and
determined character, proud and insolent. She had a good head for
business, was acquisitive, saving and careful, and by fair means or foul
had succeeded, it was said, in amassing a little fortune. There was only
one point on which all were agreed. Grushenka was not easily to be
approached and except her aged protector there had not been one man who
could boast of her favors during those four years. It was a positive fact,
for there had been a good many, especially during the last two years, who
had attempted to obtain those favors. But all their efforts had been in
vain and some of these suitors had been forced to beat an undignified and
even comic retreat, owing to the firm and ironical resistance they met
from the strong-willed young person. It was known, too, that the young
person had, especially of late, been given to what is called
"speculation," and that she had shown marked abilities in that direction,
so that many people began to say that she was no better than a Jew. It was
not that she lent money on interest, but it was known, for instance, that
she had for some time past, in partnership with old Karamazov, actually
invested in the purchase of bad debts for a trifle, a tenth of their
nominal value, and afterwards had made out of them ten times their value.

The old widower Samsonov, a man of large fortune, was stingy and
merciless. He tyrannized over his grown-up sons, but, for the last year
during which he had been ill and lost the use of his swollen legs, he had
fallen greatly under the influence of his protegee, whom he had at first
kept strictly and in humble surroundings, "on Lenten fare," as the wits
said at the time. But Grushenka had succeeded in emancipating herself,
while she established in him a boundless belief in her fidelity. The old
man, now long since dead, had had a large business in his day and was also
a noteworthy character, miserly and hard as flint. Though Grushenka's hold
upon him was so strong that he could not live without her (it had been so
especially for the last two years), he did not settle any considerable
fortune on her and would not have been moved to do so, if she had
threatened to leave him. But he had presented her with a small sum, and
even that was a surprise to every one when it became known.

"You are a wench with brains," he said to her, when he gave her eight
thousand roubles, "and you must look after yourself, but let me tell you
that except your yearly allowance as before, you'll get nothing more from
me to the day of my death, and I'll leave you nothing in my will either."

And he kept his word; he died and left everything to his sons, whom, with
their wives and children, he had treated all his life as servants.
Grushenka was not even mentioned in his will. All this became known
afterwards. He helped Grushenka with his advice to increase her capital
and put business in her way.

When Fyodor Pavlovitch, who first came into contact with Grushenka over a
piece of speculation, ended to his own surprise by falling madly in love
with her, old Samsonov, gravely ill as he was, was immensely amused. It is
remarkable that throughout their whole acquaintance Grushenka was
absolutely and spontaneously open with the old man, and he seems to have
been the only person in the world with whom she was so. Of late, when
Dmitri too had come on the scene with his love, the old man left off
laughing. On the contrary, he once gave Grushenka a stern and earnest
piece of advice.

"If you have to choose between the two, father or son, you'd better choose
the old man, if only you make sure the old scoundrel will marry you and
settle some fortune on you beforehand. But don't keep on with the captain,
you'll get no good out of that."

These were the very words of the old profligate, who felt already that his
death was not far off and who actually died five months later.

I will note, too, in passing, that although many in our town knew of the
grotesque and monstrous rivalry of the Karamazovs, father and son, the
object of which was Grushenka, scarcely any one understood what really
underlay her attitude to both of them. Even Grushenka's two servants
(after the catastrophe of which we will speak later) testified in court
that she received Dmitri Fyodorovitch simply from fear because "he
threatened to murder her." These servants were an old cook, invalidish and
almost deaf, who came from Grushenka's old home, and her granddaughter, a
smart young girl of twenty, who performed the duties of a maid. Grushenka
lived very economically and her surroundings were anything but luxurious.
Her lodge consisted of three rooms furnished with mahogany furniture in
the fashion of 1820, belonging to her landlady.

It was quite dark when Rakitin and Alyosha entered her rooms, yet they
were not lighted up. Grushenka was lying down in her drawing-room on the
big, hard, clumsy sofa, with a mahogany back. The sofa was covered with
shabby and ragged leather. Under her head she had two white down pillows
taken from her bed. She was lying stretched out motionless on her back
with her hands behind her head. She was dressed as though expecting some
one, in a black silk dress, with a dainty lace fichu on her head, which
was very becoming. Over her shoulders was thrown a lace shawl pinned with
a massive gold brooch. She certainly was expecting some one. She lay as
though impatient and weary, her face rather pale and her lips and eyes
hot, restlessly tapping the arm of the sofa with the tip of her right
foot. The appearance of Rakitin and Alyosha caused a slight excitement.
From the hall they could hear Grushenka leap up from the sofa and cry out
in a frightened voice, "Who's there?" But the maid met the visitors and at
once called back to her mistress.

"It's not he, it's nothing, only other visitors."

"What can be the matter?" muttered Rakitin, leading Alyosha into the
drawing-room.

Grushenka was standing by the sofa as though still alarmed. A thick coil
of her dark brown hair escaped from its lace covering and fell on her
right shoulder, but she did not notice it and did not put it back till she
had gazed at her visitors and recognized them.

"Ah, it's you, Rakitin? You quite frightened me. Whom have you brought?
Who is this with you? Good heavens, you have brought him!" she exclaimed,
recognizing Alyosha.

"Do send for candles!" said Rakitin, with the free-and-easy air of a most
intimate friend, who is privileged to give orders in the house.

"Candles ... of course, candles.... Fenya, fetch him a candle.... Well,
you have chosen a moment to bring him!" she exclaimed again, nodding
towards Alyosha, and turning to the looking-glass she began quickly
fastening up her hair with both hands. She seemed displeased.

"Haven't I managed to please you?" asked Rakitin, instantly almost
offended.

"You frightened me, Rakitin, that's what it is." Grushenka turned with a
smile to Alyosha. "Don't be afraid of me, my dear Alyosha, you cannot
think how glad I am to see you, my unexpected visitor. But you frightened
me, Rakitin, I thought it was Mitya breaking in. You see, I deceived him
just now, I made him promise to believe me and I told him a lie. I told
him that I was going to spend the evening with my old man, Kuzma Kuzmitch,
and should be there till late counting up his money. I always spend one
whole evening a week with him making up his accounts. We lock ourselves in
and he counts on the reckoning beads while I sit and put things down in
the book. I am the only person he trusts. Mitya believes that I am there,
but I came back and have been sitting locked in here, expecting some news.
How was it Fenya let you in? Fenya, Fenya, run out to the gate, open it
and look about whether the captain is to be seen! Perhaps he is hiding and
spying, I am dreadfully frightened."

"There's no one there, Agrafena Alexandrovna, I've just looked out, I keep
running to peep through the crack, I am in fear and trembling myself."

"Are the shutters fastened, Fenya? And we must draw the curtains--that's
better!" She drew the heavy curtains herself. "He'd rush in at once if he
saw a light. I am afraid of your brother Mitya to-day, Alyosha."

Grushenka spoke aloud, and, though she was alarmed, she seemed very happy
about something.

"Why are you so afraid of Mitya to-day?" inquired Rakitin. "I should have
thought you were not timid with him, you'd twist him round your little
finger."

"I tell you, I am expecting news, priceless news, so I don't want Mitya at
all. And he didn't believe, I feel he didn't, that I should stay at Kuzma
Kuzmitch's. He must be in his ambush now, behind Fyodor Pavlovitch's, in
the garden, watching for me. And if he's there, he won't come here, so
much the better! But I really have been to Kuzma Kuzmitch's, Mitya
escorted me there. I told him I should stay there till midnight, and I
asked him to be sure to come at midnight to fetch me home. He went away
and I sat ten minutes with Kuzma Kuzmitch and came back here again. Ugh, I
was afraid, I ran for fear of meeting him."

"And why are you so dressed up? What a curious cap you've got on!"

"How curious you are yourself, Rakitin! I tell you, I am expecting a
message. If the message comes, I shall fly, I shall gallop away and you
will see no more of me. That's why I am dressed up, so as to be ready."

"And where are you flying to?"

"If you know too much, you'll get old too soon."

"Upon my word! You are highly delighted ... I've never seen you like this
before. You are dressed up as if you were going to a ball." Rakitin looked
her up and down.

"Much you know about balls."

"And do you know much about them?"

"I have seen a ball. The year before last, Kuzma Kuzmitch's son was
married and I looked on from the gallery. Do you suppose I want to be
talking to you, Rakitin, while a prince like this is standing here. Such a
visitor! Alyosha, my dear boy, I gaze at you and can't believe my eyes.
Good heavens, can you have come here to see me! To tell you the truth, I
never had a thought of seeing you and I didn't think that you would ever
come and see me. Though this is not the moment now, I am awfully glad to
see you. Sit down on the sofa, here, that's right, my bright young moon. I
really can't take it in even now.... Eh, Rakitin, if only you had brought
him yesterday or the day before! But I am glad as it is! Perhaps it's
better he has come now, at such a moment, and not the day before
yesterday."

She gayly sat down beside Alyosha on the sofa, looking at him with
positive delight. And she really was glad, she was not lying when she said
so. Her eyes glowed, her lips laughed, but it was a good-hearted merry
laugh. Alyosha had not expected to see such a kind expression in her
face.... He had hardly met her till the day before, he had formed an
alarming idea of her, and had been horribly distressed the day before by
the spiteful and treacherous trick she had played on Katerina Ivanovna. He
was greatly surprised to find her now altogether different from what he
had expected. And, crushed as he was by his own sorrow, his eyes
involuntarily rested on her with attention. Her whole manner seemed
changed for the better since yesterday, there was scarcely any trace of
that mawkish sweetness in her speech, of that voluptuous softness in her
movements. Everything was simple and good-natured, her gestures were
rapid, direct, confiding, but she was greatly excited.

"Dear me, how everything comes together to-day!" she chattered on again.
"And why I am so glad to see you, Alyosha, I couldn't say myself! If you
ask me, I couldn't tell you."

"Come, don't you know why you're glad?" said Rakitin, grinning. "You used
to be always pestering me to bring him, you'd some object, I suppose."

"I had a different object once, but now that's over, this is not the
moment. I say, I want you to have something nice. I am so good-natured
now. You sit down, too, Rakitin; why are you standing? You've sat down
already? There's no fear of Rakitin's forgetting to look after himself.
Look, Alyosha, he's sitting there opposite us, so offended that I didn't
ask him to sit down before you. Ugh, Rakitin is such a one to take
offense!" laughed Grushenka. "Don't be angry, Rakitin, I'm kind to-day.
Why are you so depressed, Alyosha? Are you afraid of me?" She peeped into
his eyes with merry mockery"

"He's sad. The promotion has not been given," boomed Rakitin.

"What promotion?"

"His elder stinks."

"What? You are talking some nonsense, you want to say something nasty. Be
quiet, you stupid! Let me sit on your knee, Alyosha, like this." She
suddenly skipped forward and jumped, laughing, on his knee, like a
nestling kitten, with her right arm about his neck. "I'll cheer you up, my
pious boy. Yes, really, will you let me sit on your knee? You won't be
angry? If you tell me, I'll get off?"

Alyosha did not speak. He sat afraid to move, he heard her words, "If you
tell me, I'll get off," but he did not answer. But there was nothing in
his heart such as Rakitin, for instance, watching him malignantly from his
corner, might have expected or fancied. The great grief in his heart
swallowed up every sensation that might have been aroused, and, if only he
could have thought clearly at that moment, he would have realized that he
had now the strongest armor to protect him from every lust and temptation.
Yet in spite of the vague irresponsiveness of his spiritual condition and
the sorrow that overwhelmed him, he could not help wondering at a new and
strange sensation in his heart. This woman, this "dreadful" woman, had no
terror for him now, none of that terror that had stirred in his soul at
any passing thought of woman. On the contrary, this woman, dreaded above
all women, sitting now on his knee, holding him in her arms, aroused in
him now a quite different, unexpected, peculiar feeling, a feeling of the
intensest and purest interest without a trace of fear, of his former
terror. That was what instinctively surprised him.

"You've talked nonsense enough," cried Rakitin, "you'd much better give us
some champagne. You owe it me, you know you do!"

"Yes, I really do. Do you know, Alyosha, I promised him champagne on the
top of everything, if he'd bring you? I'll have some too! Fenya, Fenya,
bring us the bottle Mitya left! Look sharp! Though I am so stingy, I'll
stand a bottle, not for you, Rakitin, you're a toadstool, but he is a
falcon! And though my heart is full of something very different, so be it,
I'll drink with you. I long for some dissipation."

"But what is the matter with you? And what is this message, may I ask, or
is it a secret?" Rakitin put in inquisitively, doing his best to pretend
not to notice the snubs that were being continually aimed at him.

"Ech, it's not a secret, and you know it, too," Grushenka said, in a voice
suddenly anxious, turning her head towards Rakitin, and drawing a little
away from Alyosha, though she still sat on his knee with her arm round his
neck. "My officer is coming, Rakitin, my officer is coming."

"I heard he was coming, but is he so near?"

"He is at Mokroe now; he'll send a messenger from there, so he wrote; I
got a letter from him to-day. I am expecting the messenger every minute."

"You don't say so! Why at Mokroe?"

"That's a long story, I've told you enough."

"Mitya'll be up to something now--I say! Does he know or doesn't he?"

"He know! Of course he doesn't. If he knew, there would be murder. But I
am not afraid of that now, I am not afraid of his knife. Be quiet,
Rakitin, don't remind me of Dmitri Fyodorovitch, he has bruised my heart.
And I don't want to think of that at this moment. I can think of Alyosha
here, I can look at Alyosha ... smile at me, dear, cheer up, smile at my
foolishness, at my pleasure.... Ah, he's smiling, he's smiling! How kindly
he looks at me! And you know, Alyosha, I've been thinking all this time
you were angry with me, because of the day before yesterday, because of
that young lady. I was a cur, that's the truth.... But it's a good thing
it happened so. It was a horrid thing, but a good thing too." Grushenka
smiled dreamily and a little cruel line showed in her smile. "Mitya told
me that she screamed out that I 'ought to be flogged.' I did insult her
dreadfully. She sent for me, she wanted to make a conquest of me, to win
me over with her chocolate.... No, it's a good thing it did end like
that." She smiled again. "But I am still afraid of your being angry."

"Yes, that's really true," Rakitin put in suddenly with genuine surprise.
"Alyosha, she is really afraid of a chicken like you."

"He is a chicken to you, Rakitin ... because you've no conscience, that's
what it is! You see, I love him with all my soul, that's how it is!
Alyosha, do you believe I love you with all my soul?"

"Ah, you shameless woman! She is making you a declaration, Alexey!"

"Well, what of it, I love him!"

"And what about your officer? And the priceless message from Mokroe?"

"That is quite different."

"That's a woman's way of looking at it!"

"Don't you make me angry, Rakitin." Grushenka caught him up hotly. "This
is quite different. I love Alyosha in a different way. It's true, Alyosha,
I had sly designs on you before. For I am a horrid, violent creature. But
at other times I've looked upon you, Alyosha, as my conscience. I've kept
thinking 'how any one like that must despise a nasty thing like me.' I
thought that the day before yesterday, as I ran home from the young
lady's. I have thought of you a long time in that way, Alyosha, and Mitya
knows, I've talked to him about it. Mitya understands. Would you believe
it, I sometimes look at you and feel ashamed, utterly ashamed of
myself.... And how, and since when, I began to think about you like that,
I can't say, I don't remember...."

Fenya came in and put a tray with an uncorked bottle and three glasses of
champagne on the table.

"Here's the champagne!" cried Rakitin. "You're excited, Agrafena
Alexandrovna, and not yourself. When you've had a glass of champagne,
you'll be ready to dance. Eh, they can't even do that properly," he added,
looking at the bottle. "The old woman's poured it out in the kitchen and
the bottle's been brought in warm and without a cork. Well, let me have
some, anyway."

He went up to the table, took a glass, emptied it at one gulp and poured
himself out another.

"One doesn't often stumble upon champagne," he said, licking his lips.
"Now, Alyosha, take a glass, show what you can do! What shall we drink to?
The gates of paradise? Take a glass, Grushenka, you drink to the gates of
paradise, too."

"What gates of paradise?"

She took a glass, Alyosha took his, tasted it and put it back.

"No, I'd better not," he smiled gently.

"And you bragged!" cried Rakitin.

"Well, if so, I won't either," chimed in Grushenka, "I really don't want
any. You can drink the whole bottle alone, Rakitin. If Alyosha has some, I
will."

"What touching sentimentality!" said Rakitin tauntingly; "and she's
sitting on his knee, too! He's got something to grieve over, but what's
the matter with you? He is rebelling against his God and ready to eat
sausage...."

"How so?"

"His elder died to-day, Father Zossima, the saint."

"So Father Zossima is dead," cried Grushenka. "Good God, I did not know!"
She crossed herself devoutly. "Goodness, what have I been doing, sitting
on his knee like this at such a moment!" She started up as though in
dismay, instantly slipped off his knee and sat down on the sofa.

Alyosha bent a long wondering look upon her and a light seemed to dawn in
his face.

"Rakitin," he said suddenly, in a firm and loud voice; "don't taunt me
with having rebelled against God. I don't want to feel angry with you, so
you must be kinder, too, I've lost a treasure such as you have never had,
and you cannot judge me now. You had much better look at her--do you see
how she has pity on me? I came here to find a wicked soul--I felt drawn to
evil because I was base and evil myself, and I've found a true sister, I
have found a treasure--a loving heart. She had pity on me just now....
Agrafena Alexandrovna, I am speaking of you. You've raised my soul from
the depths."

Alyosha's lips were quivering and he caught his breath.

"She has saved you, it seems," laughed Rakitin spitefully. "And she meant
to get you in her clutches, do you realize that?"

"Stay, Rakitin." Grushenka jumped up. "Hush, both of you. Now I'll tell
you all about it. Hush, Alyosha, your words make me ashamed, for I am bad
and not good--that's what I am. And you hush, Rakitin, because you are
telling lies. I had the low idea of trying to get him in my clutches, but
now you are lying, now it's all different. And don't let me hear anything
more from you, Rakitin."

All this Grushenka said with extreme emotion.

"They are both crazy," said Rakitin, looking at them with amazement. "I
feel as though I were in a madhouse. They're both getting so feeble
they'll begin crying in a minute."

"I shall begin to cry, I shall," repeated Grushenka. "He called me his
sister and I shall never forget that. Only let me tell you, Rakitin,
though I am bad, I did give away an onion."

"An onion? Hang it all, you really are crazy."

Rakitin wondered at their enthusiasm. He was aggrieved and annoyed, though
he might have reflected that each of them was just passing through a
spiritual crisis such as does not come often in a lifetime. But though
Rakitin was very sensitive about everything that concerned himself, he was
very obtuse as regards the feelings and sensations of others--partly from
his youth and inexperience, partly from his intense egoism.

"You see, Alyosha," Grushenka turned to him with a nervous laugh. "I was
boasting when I told Rakitin I had given away an onion, but it's not to
boast I tell you about it. It's only a story, but it's a nice story. I
used to hear it when I was a child from Matryona, my cook, who is still
with me. It's like this. Once upon a time there was a peasant woman and a
very wicked woman she was. And she died and did not leave a single good
deed behind. The devils caught her and plunged her into the lake of fire.
So her guardian angel stood and wondered what good deed of hers he could
remember to tell to God; 'She once pulled up an onion in her garden,' said
he, 'and gave it to a beggar woman.' And God answered: 'You take that
onion then, hold it out to her in the lake, and let her take hold and be
pulled out. And if you can pull her out of the lake, let her come to
Paradise, but if the onion breaks, then the woman must stay where she is.'
The angel ran to the woman and held out the onion to her. 'Come,' said he,
'catch hold and I'll pull you out.' And he began cautiously pulling her
out. He had just pulled her right out, when the other sinners in the lake,
seeing how she was being drawn out, began catching hold of her so as to be
pulled out with her. But she was a very wicked woman and she began kicking
them. 'I'm to be pulled out, not you. It's my onion, not yours.' As soon
as she said that, the onion broke. And the woman fell into the lake and
she is burning there to this day. So the angel wept and went away. So
that's the story, Alyosha; I know it by heart, for I am that wicked woman
myself. I boasted to Rakitin that I had given away an onion, but to you
I'll say: 'I've done nothing but give away one onion all my life, that's
the only good deed I've done.' So don't praise me, Alyosha, don't think me
good, I am bad, I am a wicked woman and you make me ashamed if you praise
me. Eh, I must confess everything. Listen, Alyosha. I was so anxious to
get hold of you that I promised Rakitin twenty-five roubles if he would
bring you to me. Stay, Rakitin, wait!"

She went with rapid steps to the table, opened a drawer, pulled out a
purse and took from it a twenty-five rouble note.

"What nonsense! What nonsense!" cried Rakitin, disconcerted.

"Take it. Rakitin, I owe it you, there's no fear of your refusing it, you
asked for it yourself." And she threw the note to him.

"Likely I should refuse it," boomed Rakitin, obviously abashed, but
carrying off his confusion with a swagger. "That will come in very handy;
fools are made for wise men's profit."

"And now hold your tongue, Rakitin, what I am going to say now is not for
your ears. Sit down in that corner and keep quiet. You don't like us, so
hold your tongue."

"What should I like you for?" Rakitin snarled, not concealing his ill-
humor. He put the twenty-five rouble note in his pocket and he felt
ashamed at Alyosha's seeing it. He had reckoned on receiving his payment
later, without Alyosha's knowing of it, and now, feeling ashamed, he lost
his temper. Till that moment he had thought it discreet not to contradict
Grushenka too flatly in spite of her snubbing, since he had something to
get out of her. But now he, too, was angry:

"One loves people for some reason, but what have either of you done for
me?"

"You should love people without a reason, as Alyosha does."

"How does he love you? How has he shown it, that you make such a fuss
about it?"

Grushenka was standing in the middle of the room; she spoke with heat and
there were hysterical notes in her voice.

"Hush, Rakitin, you know nothing about us! And don't dare to speak to me
like that again. How dare you be so familiar! Sit in that corner and be
quiet, as though you were my footman! And now, Alyosha, I'll tell you the
whole truth, that you may see what a wretch I am! I am not talking to
Rakitin, but to you. I wanted to ruin you, Alyosha, that's the holy truth;
I quite meant to. I wanted to so much, that I bribed Rakitin to bring you.
And why did I want to do such a thing? You knew nothing about it, Alyosha,
you turned away from me; if you passed me, you dropped your eyes. And I've
looked at you a hundred times before to-day; I began asking every one
about you. Your face haunted my heart. 'He despises me,' I thought; 'he
won't even look at me.' And I felt it so much at last that I wondered at
myself for being so frightened of a boy. I'll get him in my clutches and
laugh at him. I was full of spite and anger. Would you believe it, nobody
here dares talk or think of coming to Agrafena Alexandrovna with any evil
purpose. Old Kuzma is the only man I have anything to do with here; I was
bound and sold to him; Satan brought us together, but there has been no
one else. But looking at you, I thought, I'll get him in my clutches and
laugh at him. You see what a spiteful cur I am, and you called me your
sister! And now that man who wronged me has come; I sit here waiting for a
message from him. And do you know what that man has been to me? Five years
ago, when Kuzma brought me here, I used to shut myself up, that no one
might have sight or sound of me. I was a silly slip of a girl; I used to
sit here sobbing; I used to lie awake all night, thinking: 'Where is he
now, the man who wronged me? He is laughing at me with another woman, most
likely. If only I could see him, if I could meet him again, I'd pay him
out, I'd pay him out!' At night I used to lie sobbing into my pillow in
the dark, and I used to brood over it; I used to tear my heart on purpose
and gloat over my anger. 'I'll pay him out, I'll pay him out!' That's what
I used to cry out in the dark. And when I suddenly thought that I should
really do nothing to him, and that he was laughing at me then, or perhaps
had utterly forgotten me, I would fling myself on the floor, melt into
helpless tears, and lie there shaking till dawn. In the morning I would
get up more spiteful than a dog, ready to tear the whole world to pieces.
And then what do you think? I began saving money, I became hard-hearted,
grew stout--grew wiser, would you say? No, no one in the whole world sees
it, no one knows it, but when night comes on, I sometimes lie as I did
five years ago, when I was a silly girl, clenching my teeth and crying all
night, thinking, 'I'll pay him out, I'll pay him out!' Do you hear? Well
then, now you understand me. A month ago a letter came to me--he was
coming, he was a widower, he wanted to see me. It took my breath away;
then I suddenly thought: 'If he comes and whistles to call me, I shall
creep back to him like a beaten dog.' I couldn't believe myself. Am I so
abject? Shall I run to him or not? And I've been in such a rage with
myself all this month that I am worse than I was five years ago. Do you
see now, Alyosha, what a violent, vindictive creature I am? I have shown
you the whole truth! I played with Mitya to keep me from running to that
other. Hush, Rakitin, it's not for you to judge me, I am not speaking to
you. Before you came in, I was lying here waiting, brooding, deciding my
whole future life, and you can never know what was in my heart. Yes,
Alyosha, tell your young lady not to be angry with me for what happened
the day before yesterday.... Nobody in the whole world knows what I am
going through now, and no one ever can know.... For perhaps I shall take a
knife with me to-day, I can't make up my mind ..."

And at this "tragic" phrase Grushenka broke down, hid her face in her
hands, flung herself on the sofa pillows, and sobbed like a little child.

Alyosha got up and went to Rakitin.

"Misha," he said, "don't be angry. She wounded you, but don't be angry.
You heard what she said just now? You mustn't ask too much of human
endurance, one must be merciful."

Alyosha said this at the instinctive prompting of his heart. He felt
obliged to speak and he turned to Rakitin. If Rakitin had not been there,
he would have spoken to the air. But Rakitin looked at him ironically and
Alyosha stopped short.

"You were so primed up with your elder's teaching last night that now you
have to let it off on me, Alexey, man of God!" said Rakitin, with a smile
of hatred.

"Don't laugh, Rakitin, don't smile, don't talk of the dead--he was better
than any one in the world!" cried Alyosha, with tears in his voice. "I
didn't speak to you as a judge but as the lowest of the judged. What am I
beside her? I came here seeking my ruin, and said to myself, 'What does it
matter?' in my cowardliness, but she, after five years in torment, as soon
as any one says a word from the heart to her--it makes her forget
everything, forgive everything, in her tears! The man who has wronged her
has come back, he sends for her and she forgives him everything, and
hastens joyfully to meet him and she won't take a knife with her. She
won't! No, I am not like that. I don't know whether you are, Misha, but I
am not like that. It's a lesson to me.... She is more loving than we....
Have you heard her speak before of what she has just told us? No, you
haven't; if you had, you'd have understood her long ago ... and the person
insulted the day before yesterday must forgive her, too! She will, when
she knows ... and she shall know.... This soul is not yet at peace with
itself, one must be tender with it ... there may be a treasure in that
soul...."

Alyosha stopped, because he caught his breath. In spite of his ill-humor
Rakitin looked at him with astonishment. He had never expected such a
tirade from the gentle Alyosha.

"She's found some one to plead her cause! Why, are you in love with her?
Agrafena Alexandrovna, our monk's really in love with you, you've made a
conquest!" he cried, with a coarse laugh.

Grushenka lifted her head from the pillow and looked at Alyosha with a
tender smile shining on her tear-stained face.

"Let him alone, Alyosha, my cherub; you see what he is, he is not a person
for you to speak to. Mihail Osipovitch," she turned to Rakitin, "I meant
to beg your pardon for being rude to you, but now I don't want to.
Alyosha, come to me, sit down here." She beckoned to him with a happy
smile. "That's right, sit here. Tell me," she shook him by the hand and
peeped into his face, smiling, "tell me, do I love that man or not? the
man who wronged me, do I love him or not? Before you came, I lay here in
the dark, asking my heart whether I loved him. Decide for me, Alyosha, the
time has come, it shall be as you say. Am I to forgive him or not?"

"But you have forgiven him already," said Alyosha, smiling.

"Yes, I really have forgiven him," Grushenka murmured thoughtfully. "What
an abject heart! To my abject heart!" She snatched up a glass from the
table, emptied it at a gulp, lifted it in the air and flung it on the
floor. The glass broke with a crash. A little cruel line came into her
smile.

"Perhaps I haven't forgiven him, though," she said, with a sort of menace
in her voice, and she dropped her eyes to the ground as though she were
talking to herself. "Perhaps my heart is only getting ready to forgive. I
shall struggle with my heart. You see, Alyosha, I've grown to love my
tears in these five years.... Perhaps I only love my resentment, not him
..."

"Well, I shouldn't care to be in his shoes," hissed Rakitin.

"Well, you won't be, Rakitin, you'll never be in his shoes. You shall
black my shoes, Rakitin, that's the place you are fit for. You'll never
get a woman like me ... and he won't either, perhaps ..."

"Won't he? Then why are you dressed up like that?" said Rakitin, with a
venomous sneer.

"Don't taunt me with dressing up, Rakitin, you don't know all that is in
my heart! If I choose to tear off my finery, I'll tear it off at once,
this minute," she cried in a resonant voice. "You don't know what that
finery is for, Rakitin! Perhaps I shall see him and say: 'Have you ever
seen me look like this before?' He left me a thin, consumptive cry-baby of
seventeen. I'll sit by him, fascinate him and work him up. 'Do you see
what I am like now?' I'll say to him; 'well, and that's enough for you, my
dear sir, there's many a slip twixt the cup and the lip!' That may be what
the finery is for, Rakitin." Grushenka finished with a malicious laugh.
"I'm violent and resentful, Alyosha, I'll tear off my finery, I'll destroy
my beauty, I'll scorch my face, slash it with a knife, and turn beggar. If
I choose, I won't go anywhere now to see any one. If I choose, I'll send
Kuzma back all he has ever given me, to-morrow, and all his money and I'll
go out charing for the rest of my life. You think I wouldn't do it,
Rakitin, that I would not dare to do it? I would, I would, I could do it
directly, only don't exasperate me ... and I'll send him about his
business, I'll snap my fingers in his face, he shall never see me again!"

She uttered the last words in an hysterical scream, but broke down again,
hid her face in her hands, buried it in the pillow and shook with sobs.

Rakitin got up.

"It's time we were off," he said, "it's late, we shall be shut out of the
monastery."

Grushenka leapt up from her place.

"Surely you don't want to go, Alyosha!" she cried, in mournful surprise.
"What are you doing to me? You've stirred up my feeling, tortured me, and
now you'll leave me to face this night alone!"

"He can hardly spend the night with you! Though if he wants to, let him!
I'll go alone," Rakitin scoffed jeeringly.

"Hush, evil tongue!" Grushenka cried angrily at him; "you never said such
words to me as he has come to say."

"What has he said to you so special?" asked Rakitin irritably.

"I can't say, I don't know. I don't know what he said to me, it went
straight to my heart; he has wrung my heart.... He is the first, the only
one who has pitied me, that's what it is. Why did you not come before, you
angel?" She fell on her knees before him as though in a sudden frenzy.
"I've been waiting all my life for some one like you, I knew that some one
like you would come and forgive me. I believed that, nasty as I am, some
one would really love me, not only with a shameful love!"

"What have I done to you?" answered Alyosha, bending over her with a
tender smile, and gently taking her by the hands; "I only gave you an
onion, nothing but a tiny little onion, that was all!"

He was moved to tears himself as he said it. At that moment there was a
sudden noise in the passage, some one came into the hall. Grushenka jumped
up, seeming greatly alarmed. Fenya ran noisily into the room, crying out:

"Mistress, mistress darling, a messenger has galloped up," she cried,
breathless and joyful. "A carriage from Mokroe for you, Timofey the
driver, with three horses, they are just putting in fresh horses.... A
letter, here's the letter, mistress."

A letter was in her hand and she waved it in the air all the while she
talked. Grushenka snatched the letter from her and carried it to the
candle. It was only a note, a few lines. She read it in one instant.

"He has sent for me," she cried, her face white and distorted, with a wan
smile; "he whistles! Crawl back, little dog!"

But only for one instant she stood as though hesitating; suddenly the
blood rushed to her head and sent a glow to her cheeks.

"I will go," she cried; "five years of my life! Good-by! Good-by, Alyosha,
my fate is sealed. Go, go, leave me all of you, don't let me see you
again! Grushenka is flying to a new life.... Don't you remember evil
against me either, Rakitin. I may be going to my death! Ugh! I feel as
though I were drunk!"

She suddenly left them and ran into her bedroom.

"Well, she has no thoughts for us now!" grumbled Rakitin. "Let's go, or we
may hear that feminine shriek again. I am sick of all these tears and
cries."

Alyosha mechanically let himself be led out. In the yard stood a covered
cart. Horses were being taken out of the shafts, men were running to and
fro with a lantern. Three fresh horses were being led in at the open gate.
But when Alyosha and Rakitin reached the bottom of the steps, Grushenka's
bedroom window was suddenly opened and she called in a ringing voice after
Alyosha:

"Alyosha, give my greetings to your brother Mitya and tell him not to
remember evil against me, though I have brought him misery. And tell him,
too, in my words: 'Grushenka has fallen to a scoundrel, and not to you,
noble heart.' And add, too, that Grushenka loved him only one hour, only
one short hour she loved him--so let him remember that hour all his
life--say, 'Grushenka tells you to!' "

She ended in a voice full of sobs. The window was shut with a slam.

"H'm, h'm!" growled Rakitin, laughing, "she murders your brother Mitya and
then tells him to remember it all his life! What ferocity!"

Alyosha made no reply, he seemed not to have heard. He walked fast beside
Rakitin as though in a terrible hurry. He was lost in thought and moved
mechanically. Rakitin felt a sudden twinge as though he had been touched
on an open wound. He had expected something quite different by bringing
Grushenka and Alyosha together. Something very different from what he had
hoped for had happened.

"He is a Pole, that officer of hers," he began again, restraining himself;
"and indeed he is not an officer at all now. He served in the customs in
Siberia, somewhere on the Chinese frontier, some puny little beggar of a
Pole, I expect. Lost his job, they say. He's heard now that Grushenka's
saved a little money, so he's turned up again--that's the explanation of
the mystery."

Again Alyosha seemed not to hear. Rakitin could not control himself.

"Well, so you've saved the sinner?" he laughed spitefully. "Have you
turned the Magdalene into the true path? Driven out the seven devils, eh?
So you see the miracles you were looking out for just now have come to
pass!"

"Hush, Rakitin," Alyosha answered with an aching heart.

"So you despise me now for those twenty-five roubles? I've sold my friend,
you think. But you are not Christ, you know, and I am not Judas."

"Oh, Rakitin, I assure you I'd forgotten about it," cried Alyosha, "you
remind me of it yourself...."

But this was the last straw for Rakitin.

"Damnation take you all and each of you!" he cried suddenly, "why the
devil did I take you up? I don't want to know you from this time forward.
Go alone, there's your road!"

And he turned abruptly into another street, leaving Alyosha alone in the
dark. Alyosha came out of the town and walked across the fields to the
monastery.





Book 7, Chapter 3
When Alyosha and Rakitin arrive at Grushenka's, they find that she's all dressed up and in a state of excitement, as if she were expecting someone. She tells them she told Dmitri that she was going to spend all day doing accounting with her "old man," Samsonov, but in fact she's waiting around for a very special message. She's so excited that she invites herself to sit on Alyosha's lap. Instead of feeling terrified, as he usually is with women, Alyosha finds himself just plain curious. Grushenka announces that her "officer" is in town. This officer had left her when she was just 17 and married another woman. It seems that now his wife has died and he wants to get back together with Grushenka. Grushenka admits that she had thought of seducing Alyosha before because he just seemed so good and made her feel ashamed, but she announces that she just loves him. Rakitin remarks that Alyosha is grieving over Zosima's death, and Grushenka jumps off Alyosha's lap in dismay. Alyosha reads this action as her "saving" him from lusty thoughts and proof that there is some goodness within her. Grushenka tells Alyosha a fable about an old woman whose sole kind deed in life was to give an onion to a beggar woman. Upon her death, the devils threw her into a lake of fire, but her guardian angel appeals to God. God tells the angel that if the old woman did one act of kindness, he would spare her. The angel mentions the onion. God says OK, you can extend an onion to her, and she can hold onto the onion, and you can pull her out of the lake with the onion. But if the onion breaks, she's stuck in the lake of fire. So the angel offers the woman the onion, the woman grabs hold, and the angel pulls. But everyone else in the lake of fire grabs onto the woman. When she tries to shake them off, the onion breaks and she is back in the lake of fire. Grushenka tells Alyosha that her non-seduction of him is her one "onion," her one kind act. In fact, she had even offered Rakitin 25 roubles to bring Alyosha to her for just this purpose. She throws Rakitin the money, which Rakitin accepts, although shamefacedly. Grushenka is still exploding with emotion, torn between joy that her officer is returning to her and anger that he rejected her in the first place. She even considers bringing a knife to her meeting with him. The message from her officer finally arrives: he would like to meet her at Mokroye. Alyosha and Rakitin leave Grushenka's. Rakitin is still annoyed with Alyosha for being so angelic and leaves him. Alyosha walks alone to the monastery.