Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

A/N: There's that scene in HP7.2 where Ron and Hermione are opening the Chamber and Ron mentions that Harry speaks in his sleep and asks Hermione if she's ever noticed, her expression looks so guilty when she says she's never noticed and I've always wondered about that. I know those are just the movies and in the books it's different, but I thought I'd try and add something to the way she reacted to Ron's question. There may be one or two more chapters after this. Warning: this is not edited, I simply typed it out just now and decided to post it as I won't have internet for the next few days. Let me know what you think! :)

Not my characters, everything belongs to Jo. Only thing that is mine is the plot. Enjoy!

The wind blew softly through the surrounding trees, their leaves rustling gently. It was a quiet she hadn't heard in years; almost eerily so, but not really.

The forest was much the same as the last time she had been here. The only difference was the season and perhaps her as well.

It had been winter then. She remembered the cold and how it had seeped into her very bones. Though the chill she felt those nights she had spent here wasn't only from that, but also from the loneliness she had been feeling, the helplessness of a young adult who had no idea how the future was going to turn out.

She was obviously younger then, innocent to an extent; she was a part of the war after all.

Her world was so different then. Her thoughts had revolved around helping Harry, being there for Harry, rescuing Harry, praying for Harry, doing everything she could possibly do for Harry.

She remembered staying up to guard their tent while Harry fell into a restless sleeps. He muttered and shifted a lot; he was not a restful sleeper.

Some things he muttered were indistinguishable, some things weren't. He called out for his parents most of the time, his godfather Sirius as well. He would thrash around at times, crying and yelling out for Cedric to watch out, for Dumbledore to save himself, for Ron to come back. Hermione would have to wake him up then and he would struggle for a moment until he realized where he was and who he was with. The expression on his face would change instantly from one of fear and anger to calmness and an air of helplessness. He would lie back and they would stare at each other for a while, neither saying a word, but both knowing exactly what the other was thinking.

They were on their own.

There were other times that Harry would mutter in his sleep but they were more private things, thing that made Hermione blush. Just because they were in the middle of a war on the run from Voldemort and searching for bits of his soul didn't mean that Harry wasn't still a hormonal teenage boy, he had urges. Urges that Hermione had as well; urges that she hoped hadn't been revealed in her dreams as Harry's had been.

It had been one particular evening that Hermione was keeping watch yet again while Harry had drifted off next to her outside, bundled up in sweaters, blankets and anything to keep him warm. Hermione had placed a jar of blue flames next to him as well.

Whether it had been the fact that they had been speaking for hours, had had a good meal, and were more comfortable than usual that led to Harry's muttering that night, Hermione would never be sure.

It had started off with some mumbling, words not forming right because Harry was so exhausted that his mouth could not form the words to completion. Hermione had eyed him fondly until he started to moan a bit and then she knew what kind of dreams he was having. Her cheeks turned red then despite the cold weather. Of course this had not been the first time this had happened, but it was still uncomfortable for her to hear her best friend having a sex dream. She had taken out her wand to cast a silencing spell when something that oddly sounded like her name came out of Harry's mouth. Hermione sat still wondering if what she had heard was right. She refrained from casting the spell and leant towards Harry straining her ears in case he spoke again.

"Mmmmm, Her-my-knee…" he had breathed.

Hermione's eyes went wide at the obvious moaning of her name. She's never heard Harry say her name like that. She felt the heat travel to all places of her body and couldn't take her eyes off him. His dream was obviously about her, and he was enjoying it!

There had been a few times where he'd have these dreams but never, never had he had them about her, or muttered her name for that matter like he had just now.

She drew her lip in, embarrassed for herself and for Harry knowing he would not like the idea of her listening in on him during this private occurrence. It was one thing to listen to him relive the horrors of his past, it was a completely different thing to hear him moan in pleasure to dreams about her.

After hearing her name a few more times Hermione hastily cast the spell she had initially intended to cast before turning her head away from Harry and forcing herself not to stare at him.

The next few days Hermione tried to pretend she hadn't heard what she had heard. Harry took notice almost immediately her different attitude towards him but didn't say anything. Hermione was extremely grateful for this.

It wasn't until after their near run in with Voldemort in Godrics Hallow that he finally brought it up.

Hermione was sitting inside the tent at the small work table they had set up. She was going over the ruins book again in search of that pesky symbol that seemed to keep cropping up everywhere.

Harry had just come in from a walk he had taken after he had discovered his wand had been broken by Hermione by accident. He had been angry and sulky, and Hermione gave him his space after she had revealed his shattered wand to him. She also needed her own space after revealing her thoughts about wanting to give up this search and this war and just staying put in the woods with Harry, to grow old with him. She didn't know what made her say it and she quickly told him about what she had discovered about Dumbledore and when he asked for his wand she was almost grateful to tell him what happened to it as to have a reason to stay out of his way for a while.

But it didn't last long.

He had approached her quietly, sitting across from her at the table. She tensed at his presence and closeness, avoiding looking at him.

"Hermione?" he spoke quietly. She hummed in response, keeping her eyes focused on the page she was pretending to study.

"I-I wanted to ask if you've been feeling alright?" Hermione nodded her head then.

"Yes, I'm fine." She decided to say hoping Harry would drop his questioning, but he didn't.

"Are you? You've been acting so… distant." Hermione looked up then and caught Harry's eye, she cast around for a different focal point because she knew she'd turn red and give herself away if she kept eye contact with him.

"I just feel horrible about your wand Harry…" she began but Harry reached out and grabbed her hand that was resting next to her book. Her eyes immediately found his again and stayed locked on them.

"It's not just that, you've been acting this way since before that." Her mind went to that night that Harry had muttered her name. She had wondered briefly what he had been dreaming and dreamt a bit of it herself. She could picture his lips on her collarbone, his hands traveling down her back. She snapped out of her reverie and knew her cheeks were now flooded with color. Harry eyed her reaction and narrowed his eyes slightly. He would not let it drop now. Hermione lowered her gaze towards his hand that was still rested atop of hers and spoke.

"I heard you dreaming the other night… you were talking in your sleep again." Harry withdrew his hand then sharply. Hermione looked up and saw the understanding there in his eyes. He thought she meant his nightmares, not his fantasies. She knew Harry well, and if she left it there, he would not budge, he did not like talking about those dreams.

But she didn't.

"You muttered my name… more like, moaned it actually." She spoke lowly and shifted in her seat a bit before focusing on Harry again.

His reaction had been one of relief, curiosity, and then embarrassed understanding. His face had glowed pink then and he too shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Apparently he remembered that dream well then.

"You-," he cleared his throat, "you heard that then?" he asked. Hermione nodded slowly.

They were silent for a while, both not knowing where to go from there. Hermione wished she hadn't spoken at all and was about to say so when Harry beat her to it.

"We were here you know, sitting like this, talking about Ron." Anger sparked at Hermione at the mention of _his_ name. But then she felt confused, they hadn't spoken about _him_ in ages. Then she understood, he was telling her about the dream.

"You- you said you were angry at him and that you wanted to just forget about him and I told you, you can't because you were in love with him, then you started to cry and I held you for a moment and then we started to kiss and then we were in my bunk, Hermione I'm sorry. I didn't, I don't know why… I just… It was just a dream you know, you must have them as well-" he stopped short realizing what he had just said.

Hermione turned redder at the mention of herself having similar dreams. It was true, she had dreamt about Harry like that before, sometimes at night when she couldn't help it, and sometimes during the day when she could.

She could have denied it, but she didn't. Instead she nodded her head.

"Sometimes." She mumbled looking down at her hands and wondering how their conversation had reached this point.

"What do you dream about?" Harry's voice was different then and Hermione, startled, looked up to see that he was serious about knowing, but obviously more curious. There was a shifty grin forming on his lips and Hermione felt a little more at ease knowing Harry wasn't disgusted to know she had dreamt about him like that before. She let out a slow breath.

"Well, sometimes it just starts out with us kissing and we end up in my bunk or your bunk. Sometimes it's really fast and then I wake up and other's we-we take our time." Hermione looked back at Harry and was surprised to see his eyes were darker, almost hungry in a way. Hermione felt the heat in her cheeks travel to the pit of her stomach and she suddenly felt hotter.

They had watched each other for a moment before things started to get… odd.

Harry had nodded then and risen abruptly leaving the tent and leaving Hermione slightly hurt and confused.

She must have scared him after all, she thought bitterly going back to her book.

Was she that off putting? Did Harry feel ashamed that he could have dreams about his bookish, bushy haired friend? Because Hermione wasn't ashamed at all! Harry was everything a girl could want. Noble, brave, intelligent, funny, handsome, and just… wonderful. He cheered her up when she was sad, he protected her when she was scared. He reassured her when she was lost. He was… everything.

Hermione abandoned her reading then because her thoughts of Harry were too much to think idly about while trying to decipher ruins.

She went to her bunk and flopped down onto it thinking more about everything Harry had been and was to her.

Her thoughts of Harry soon turned to the usual fantasies and she got so caught up in it all she didn't realize Harry's return.

He approached her quietly. Hermione turned to him then and saw something in his eyes that had been there earlier that she couldn't quite describe. Now she knew what it was.

Need.

She knew it now, because she felt it too.

He came closer and Hermione held her breath as he silently asked if he could share her bunk. She shifted over to give him some space. He lay beside her slowly and the closeness of him was overwhelming.

His scent was all over her, his warmth reaching deep inside her, deeper than the cold ever could.

They were facing each other after adjusting to the small space. Harry's left hand rested on her upper arm his eyes boring into hers.

Hermione's breath was shallow not knowing what was going to happen.

She'd only been kissed twice. Once by Viktor when she was 14 and then again when she was 17 by Cormac.

She knew Harry might have more experience with Cho and with Ginny perhaps. She forced that thought away, pushing the guilt into a hidden box in her mind.

Harry's eyes flicked towards her lips and Hermione moistened them with her tongue subconsciously. She eyed his lips as well and then he leaned forward and pressed his to hers.

Hermione's eyes fluttered at the contact. She pressed herself closer to Harry and opened her mouth to him.

His kisses were soft and gentle, every now and then moving his head closer to hers to increase the pressure of them. Each time he did so Hermione felt the heat in her stomach move lower and lower towards the area between her thighs.

Her hands rested on his chest, her left hand being held by his right while his other hand rested just behind her ear, his thumb on her cheek.

Soon the pressure in his kisses became more frenzied and intense and Hermione responded by pulling his bottom lip into her mouth, nipping gently. Harry hissed and kissed her fiercer. His hand that had been on her cheek traveled down her neck towards her chest and grabbed her breast. She moaned at the contact, never being touched there before.

He fondled her over her jumper for a while before she lifted her right arm to hook around his shoulder, effectively bringing him closer and giving him access to go beneath her jumper.

His hands had been cool as they brushed her warm skin before resting on her breast again and squeezing it to the point where Hermione's hip involuntarily bucked forwards into Harry's. He smiled into their kissing and Hermione did as well.

Soon his hand traveled down her stomach again towards the hem of her jeans.

He paused from kissing her and brushed his nose against hers.

"Is this… are you…" Hermione nodded her head quickly.

"Yes…" she breathed.

They helped each other remove their clothes, laughing gently at the awkward positions they had to take, and the surprising difficulty it took to pull of jeans.

Soon Hermione was just in her ratty discolored bra and panties, and Harry was in his ratty overused boxers.

Hermione felt self conscious then knowing the pallor of her skin was pasty and that it must make her under things look extremely ratty, but Harry didn't seem to care.

He buried his face in her neck, his hand reached between her thighs to feel her.

His gentle rubbing felt good, different from anything she had ever felt before.

They kissed heatedly for a while, their lips puffy and red when they parted for Hermione and Harry to finally remove the last pieces of clothes they were wearing.

They then adjusted themselves to where Harry rested atop of Hermione, he legs open for him.

She hoped in the dim lighting of the tent he could not see the untamed hair between her legs, or the softness of her belly, or the fact that one breast was slightly bigger than the other.

These thoughts ran through her head as he kissed her neck softly coming down to her breasts where he licked and suckled gently on each before positioning himself at her entrance.

Hermione felt suddenly nervous, not knowing how much this was going to hurt, but she knew she wanted to do this. She knew she wanted her first time to be with Harry.

Hermione placed shaky hands on Harry's waist, reassuring him that she wanted this and he pushed into her gently. It was painful. Hermione sucked in a breath but told him to keep going. He did and suddenly she screamed out at the stinging sensation she knew to be the loss of her innocence.

Harry kept still, his eyes wide.

"Are you okay?" he asked frightened. Hermione nodded, wincing at every tiny movement.

"Yes, I'm alright… Just give me a second." Harry nodded and kept still, probably afraid to hurt her some more.

After a while she nodded her head and Harry began to move. Hermione winced every now and then at the pain but grit her teeth against it and let Harry continue moving in and out of her.

His gaze centered on Hermione the entire time hemoved. He kissed her lips and her eyes, her nose, her neck, everywhere he could reach while staying inside her.

Hermione kissed him back as fervently as Harry did, trying to convey that she was in pleasure, when in fact; she was in all sorts of pain.

How could women enjoy this torture? Did it ever get pleasurable?

But when Harry asked if she was enjoying it, she nodded and would moan and hiss hoping it sounded like she was in pleasure instead of pain.

Soon Harry's pace increased, as well as his breathing, it took everything in Hermione's power to keep herself from telling him to stop because it was too painful.

She forced the tears behind her eyes to stay put as Harry began to pound into her frantically, his eyes squeezing shut.

"I'm cumming Hermione…" and with a few more frantic movements Harry spilled himself inside her and then became still.

Hermione's vagina seemed to throb as Harry rested atop her breathing heavily and sweating on her slightly. She had always heard of how magical first times were, but this had been far from that.

When Harry asked again if she was okay, she hid her disappointment well and smiled up at him.

But when he pulled out and saw all the blood, his expression changed and she knew she couldn't lie.

"I hurt you didn't I?" he asked after they had dressed, and cleaned the mattress with a quick _scorgify_ spell.

Hermione winced as she sat down again next to Harry. She couldn't lie.

"Yes… it did hurt."

"Then why didn't you tell me to stop! I feel like a bloody idiot for doing this to you!" Hermione reached out to him, her hand resting on his thigh squeezing it and forcing him to look at her.

"Harry, it's not like you forced me to do this, I wanted to… I wanted you to be my first." She spoke with such sincerity, with such truthfulness; she knew Harry was going to believe her because she wasn't lying. She did want Harry to be her first.

Harry had relaxed then and pulled her closer.

That night they slept in Hermione's bunk. Harry fell to sleep quicker than Hermione and for once, did not mumble in his sleep.

It was a while before they were able to have sex again. Harry was against it completely, not wanting to hurt Hermione again, but she knew that if they did it again and again, eventually it wouldn't hurt so much.

The second time they did it was much less painful, though Hermione did limp a bit afterwards, from the soreness between her thighs. But she hid it well, promising Harry it was getting better.

It wasn't until the fourth time they did it that it felt more like what sex was supposed to feel like.

Hermione had squeezed her eyes shut as Harry entered her and then let out a low moan when she realized it felt good for once.

Harry, encouraged, picked up his pace a bit and Hermione moaned again.

"Harry… oh Harry, faster…" she whispered. Harry obliged, happy that she was finally getting some pleasure out of this.

He picked up his pace faster than he had dared go before. He sat up on his haunches and held onto Hermione's waist as he thrust in and out of her.

"Oh!" she had yelled, eyes wide with pleasure, her head thrown back at this new sensation.

"I know!" was Harry's reply. They had not tried this position yet, and it was a whole new angle that he was rubbing against.

Much too soon Harry felt his orgasm rising and he quickened his pace, Hermione's and his skin slapping loudly as they met.

"Harry, I'm cumming, oh merlin, merlin! This feels so good, ahhhh!" Hermione closed her eyes as she felt her walls tightened around Harry and a tingling sensation shoot from her nether regions up to her head and down to her toes.

She was barely aware that Harry was reaching his orgasm as well.

They breathed heavily as Harry held Hermione close kissing her lips and eyes and mouth gently.

"Did that feel better?" he asked wickedly. Hermione giggled and nodded.

"Yes, it felt much better." Harry grinned happily and pulled out her, wincing at the sensitivity.

They pulled on theirr night clothes and cuddled close.

Hermione placed her head on his chest while Harry wrapped his arms around her and brought her closer to him.

He fell into an easy sleep then while Hermione smiled to herself, trying to remember every moment of what had just happened at the same time noticing that Harry's breathing was much more even now.

She attempted to get comfortable in his arms and tried to fall asleep when he began to mumble.

Keeping still she listened to him mutter incoherently until her name became distinguishable.

He had muttered her name a lot more often these past few nights they had fallen asleep together. Hermione would then smile and then fall into an easy sleep. She attempted to do so again when she heard something that made her heart stop and flutter at the same time.

"Her-my-knee… I… love…" he breathed.

And suddenly, Hermione was not sleepy at all.


	2. Chapter 2

The Proposal

Hermione's eyes snapped open. Her eyes searched her surroundings and she realized she wasn't in the tent anymore. She wasn't cuddled close with Harry. No, that was years ago. Hermione's breast heaved as her memories flashed through her mind quickly and she had to put her hands to her throat to calm herself.

_How did time escape her like that?_

She removed her hands and set them on either side of her listening to the scurrying of small animals, the rustle of leaves, the soft chirping of birds. If only she didn't have to go back. If only she could stay here and not have to make any decisions for once.

Her eyes flew up to the canopy of leaves above her where a couple of birds took flight, her head resting against the tree trunk she was sitting against.

She didn't want to think about those nights with Harry anymore, she had to stop. It had been years since she had and it wouldn't do to start thinking about them now. Bad things would happen if she did.

But Merlin! It'd been so long since she had remembered, so long since she imagined his touch, his kiss, his love. Tears began to burn behind her eyes and she shook her head. She wasn't allowed to think of Harry like that anymore. He didn't belong to her, she didn't belong to him. They were just friends.

Always friends.

Hermione stood up abruptly and began to pace, her hands balled into fists.

It was her fault that they were where they were. It was her doing. If only she had spoken about her feelings to him then she wouldn't be here burning with all these regrets.

Images from the nights after Ron's return flashed through her mind.

_Harry's eyes boring into hers at Luna's home, Harry's hopeful expression at hearing about Ginny at Hogwarts, Harry's face right before she jinxed it to disfigure him, Harry coming to save her from Bellatrix, Harry staring out the windows of Shell Cottage in the middle of the night…_

She stopped the memories there knowing what would come next if she let herself think about it, but she wouldn't, it would do nothing but shatter everything she had been painstakingly trying to fix all these years.

But had she fixed anything? If she had, she wouldn't be here in this forest where everything between her and Harry had changed. She wouldn't have escaped the burrow a few minutes after accepting Ron's marriage proposal. And she most certainly wouldn't have thought of Harry as she had breathed out a "yes".

Ron's smile could be nothing short of jubilant at her acceptance. He looked like he had everything he could have ever wanted as soon as Hermione had spoken. But no matter how hard Hermione tried, she knew her own smile looked nothing like Ron's, knew her happiness wasn't as visible as Ron's.

She was painfully aware of this as she was hugged by Ron's family. Mrs. Weasley's eyes leaking tears of joy, Mr. Weasley beaming, Bill, Charlie, and Percy smiling good naturedly happy for their brother, George managing a smile, albeit a weak one, and then Ginny throwing her arms around Hermione saying things like "you've always been like a sister to me" and "you're finally going to be a Weasley".

These words should have caused her to feel some sort of pride and excitement at the now impending marriage, but it didn't. She just felt a hallow sort of emptiness where there should have been so much more. And all this was magnified when she caught Harry's eye. He was still in the same spot he had been when he had walked back into the living room from the kitchen holding his refilled glass of butterbeer. He had frozen at the scene before him and his jaw was set in such a way that could only mean he was upset.

George joked that it must be because Ginny would now be pressuring him to move faster to the alter at which Ginny blushed and said that that would not be the case. Harry's trance had broken then and congratulated Ron and then turned to Hermione. No one was paying much attention as the two of them stood there facing each other. Hermione was thinking of what had happened in the forest when it was just them and she was positive Harry was too. But before Harry could actually say anything Ginny dragged him back into the kitchen for something Hermione didn't quite catch.

Suddenly Hermione had felt faint and said she had to use the loo, everyone excused her merrily and went about their business not noticing that she had left through the front door instead of going up the stairs.

So now here she was thinking about things she shouldn't be thinking of.

Her thoughts went to why Harry could possibly have been upset. Could it be that he still cared for her? No, that couldn't be the reason. He had said everything he needed to say at Shell Cottage, and again after the battle, and again when he got together again with Ginny. So why did he look like he could have cursed Ron on the spot, and why did he look at Hermione like that?

Taking a deep breath Hermione stood up and decided enough was enough. She had made her decision about Harry a long time ago when he chose Ginny and she chose Ron.

It was done.

* * *

><p>Hermione returned to the burrow where everyone was still in celebration of the proposal. Hermione endured the next few hours by forcing her smile and putting up with Ron's sudden need to hug and kiss her every second he could. Not that Ron hadn't displayed his affection for her like this before in front of his family, but it was never this frequent or intense.<p>

Harry and Ginny were the first to leave at what seemed Harry's insistance, and somehow through the flurries of goodbyes Harry missed his turn with Hermione leaving her to wonder whether it had been accidental, or on purpose.

Soon after them Ron's brothers took their leave until it was only Hermione and Ron saying goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.

Ron's dad took him to the kitchen to speak to him and Hermione was left with Mrs. Weasley's whose eyes were shining again. Hermione groaned internally knowing that Molly was going to give her some sort of private pep-talk.

"Hermione, I just want you to know how happy I am again." Hermione nodded and managed a small smile. "It's been a long time coming don't you think? I'm surprised it took Ron this long to actually pluck up the courage, but I suppose with his training at the Auror Academy, and you working with whatever it is you've been up to, it just took a bit longer than was planned." Hermione bit her cheek. Molly had taken to putting down her projects in helping Goblins and House Elves find their voices among the magical community. It angered Hermione to no end and had even asked Ron to please talk to his mother about this, but it seemed he hadn't as the proof was right in front of her.

Hermione was about to retort that not all women want to get married at 20 and have children and stay at home to take care of them and only them for the rest of their lives when Ron came back out of the kitchen and asked if she was ready to go. She nodded and quickly said her goodbyes to his parents and the two left the burrow hand in hand and disapparated to Hermione's muggle flat.

Ron stuck around for a while, particularly near her bedroom. But Hermione quickly mentioned she had an early day the next day and that Ron had to study for one of his many exams.

"Oh come on Hermione, you don't have to get up early tomorrow and you know it. Besides, I already studied for the exam... Let's just spend the night together and bask in the glory of our engagement, yeah?" He wiggled his brows and Hermione rolled her eyes, but couldn't help smile at his attempts.

"Ron please, I need to sleep and we both know I won't get any if you're here." This was true. Not in the sense that Ron would keep Hermione up in intense love making sessions, but more that his snoring would keep her from getting a decent sleep. Most nights she could tolerate it, but tonight she felt would not be one of those nights.

The implication of her words brightened up Ron a bit and he swooped down to give her a quick peck.

"Alright alright, I'll leave you to it then, but tomorrow we should get something to eat for lunch." Hermione nodded then and kissed him again. With a lopsided smile and a small wave Ron disapparted with a small pop.

Hermione spent what was left of the evening getting ready for bed and trying not to think of the knots she was feeling in her stomach. Her mind reverted to the conversation she had earlier with Ron's mother and her blood began to pound in her ears.

That woman.

Why didn't she understand that Hermione wanted to do things before she settled down to get married with Ron? Why couldn't she get that her sole goal in life wasn't to just be a wife and a mother? She wanted to make an impact on the community, wanted to help it evolve from it's mid-evil practices. But no, a proper woman shouldn't think of such things. Should just conform and do what other women like Mrs. Weasley had been doing for centuries.

It wasn't that Hermione didn't want to be a wife and a mother, she did, but that's not all she wanted to do. If only she could get Molly to understand that then she wouldn't be feeling this insane pressure to get down the aisle as soon as possible. She felt it as soon as Ron had dropped on his knee, this pressure that was sure to come from his family, well, from Ron's mother. She had known it was going to be like this, but like she already knew, she had made this choice years ago. She knew what his family was like, knew what she was getting herself into, but she could do a lot worse right?

With this last thought Hermione settled down in bed and pulled open her nightstand drawer pulling out a small vile full of a dreamless sleeping draught she'd brewed a while ago to help her on nights like these when her thoughts were enough to keep her up all night.

She downed the contents and set the vile next to the lamp and her wand.

She had a few moments to stare at the ceiling and let her mind wander to her earlier nostalgic memories of living in the forest with Harry. Closing her eyes she pulled the covers closer to her body and pretended it was Harry keeping her warm.

**a/n: sorry for the delay and the shortness of the chapter. i thought i'd get something up sooner rather than later. hopefully this was worth the wait. let me know what you think in a review.**


	3. Chapter 3

Say Anything

Hermione woke up the next morning feeling better than she had the night before. Taking a few deep breaths, she relished the softness of the sheets against her skin and the warmth it seemed to radiate. She smiled and pulled up her arms to stretch them above her when her left hand got stuck under the covers. Suddenly the room seemed to change from vibrant morning colors to dull grays as she remembered the previous evening's events.

She managed to free her hand from the thread that her engagement ring had snagged on. Bringing it to eye level she moved her hand around to examine the different colors the diamond reflected back to her almost mockingly. Fighting the urge to rip the ring off and throw it across the room she sat up and set about getting ready for the day.

By the time lunch came around, Hermione had completely forgotten Ron's mentioning of grabbing a bite to eat with her that day and nearly jumped out of her skin when he popped into the kitchen where she was seated going over her newest project.

"Ron!" Hermione put a hand to her chest to calm her beating heart. Ron chuckled and leant forward and stole a quick peck from her.

"Sorry I scared you; I thought you'd be getting ready for lunch… But clearly…" he walked over to the paperwork Hermione had in front of her and shuffled through the papers with benign interest, "you're still busy." A small frown formed on his lips and Hermione felt a small guilty tug pull at her heart that had a lot more to do with her thoughts from the previous day than forgetting about their lunch date.

"No, no…" she said hastily getting up, "I was just finishing up, and you know me, working till the last possible second… I'm about to get ready now, I'll only take a few minutes." She waved her wand and her papers vanished.

"So how was your day?" Hermione shouted from her room as she rifled through her wardrobe trying to find a decent top to wear to lunch.

"Brutal!" Ron answered from his spot on the couch where he was flipping through channels on Hermione's television. "We took our exams this morning, then we had a few minutes to go over some battle strategies and then they sent us into the Auror Training Room where they cleared everything out to do this sort of obstacle course. Harry did fantastic, as usual." Ron bit out the last bit and Hermione sighed. Ron must've not done too well.

She pulled on a flowery top, her favorite pair of jeans, and slipped her feet into her most comfortable sandals before emerging into the living room to find Ron scowling at the news reporter on TV.

"And how did you do?" Ron's scowl seemed to deepen at her words.

"Lousy." He muttered. Hermione sat beside him and placed an arm around his shoulders.

She felt horrible for him. Not just because he didn't do as well as he could have, but because she knew the way he still felt about Harry overshadowing him to this day. He'd been like this since school and despite everything they'd been through together, Ron was still jealous. Hermione could only imagine how he'd feel if he ever found out what happened between her and Harry years ago or if he could read into her thoughts and feelings about Harry now. Hermione shuddered at the thought.

"Oh Ron, it's not that bad is it? You still have five more exams to go and five more of these obstacle courses. I'm sure you'll do better next time." She patted his leg comfortingly, but he didn't seem to notice. "When's it anyway?" Hermione asked hoping to change into a new subject.

"In another month, just before the anniversary of the battle at Hogwarts and Victoire's birthday, which, by the way, we're invited to." Thanking Merlin in her head Hermione quickly began talking about what they should get Victoire for her birthday and by the time they were headed out the door to their favorite muggle restaurant down the street, Ron's mood had lightened considerably.

* * *

><p>The weeks seemed to pass in a flurry of activity for Hermione; a day did not go by where she did not hear from Ron's mother, or her own, about the wedding she should be planning.<p>

While Mrs. Weasley was pressuring Hermione to start a guest list and to start thinking about themes, her own mother was on the other end of the spectrum pressuring her to hold off the wedding for as long as possible.

Hermione, while at first, was relieved to have her mother take a similar stance to her own, soon realized that her reasons for wanting Hermione to wait were for much different reasons than she could have anticipated.

After having lunch with Ron, he reminded her about the fact that she had yet to tell her parents about their engagement. Hermione quickly called her mother as soon as they returned to her flat and told her the news explaining everything that had occurred from the night before.

Mrs. Granger was surprised to say the least, but not nearly as jubilant as Hermione had expected her to be. They quickly made plans for Hermione and Ron to visit that evening for a small celebratory dinner.

Half an hour before they were supposed to leave to Hermione's parents home Ron owled explaining a work hold up and a scribbled apology that he wouldn't be able to make it to dinner. Hermione was a little upset at the fact but decided a quiet dinner with just herself and her parents was something she actually wanted to do.

Her parents were not too surprised that Hermione showed up on her own that evening since Ron had a habit of finding his way out of visiting her parents for some reason, a pattern that her parents had picked up on quickly and one Hermione didn't really seem to notice until it was pointed out to her. When she confronted Ron about this, he had explained that he always felt a little out of sorts when he visited Hermione's childhood home. He was not used to muggle customs and always felt like he was going to embarrass himself. Therefore he liked to avoid all visits when he could.

"You'd think since he just proposed to you that he'd make an appearance just this once to at least ask for our blessing, but I guess that was just too much to ask for…" Hermione's mother said as she served potatoes on Hermione's father's plate.

Hermione was leaning against the counter, her eyes focused on the wall in front of her that held pictures of herself at varying stages of her childhood.

She agreed with her mother on this, but didn't have any energy to defend Ron as she usually did.

Noticing this, her mother set down the plate not full of food and wiped her hands on a kitchen towel.

"Hermione…" her mother turned to her, concern etched into her features, her arm reaching out and her hand resting on her daughters shoulder. Hermione knew she couldn't hide her feelings from her mother. She never wanted to hide anything from her parents again as she had during the war when she had sent them away for their own safety. It had taken months for them to get a handle on everything when Hermione had found them and reversed the spell she had cast upon them. They had been very angry with her once they got their memories back even though they understood why Hermione had done what she had done. It had been a difficult time for her, trying to get her parents trust and love back. Ron had been a surprising help at the time and since Harry had kept his distance since their last talk, she had no one else to turn to and completely relied on Ron to get her through that time.

She remembered vowing to whatever higher power there was that she'd never hide anything from her parents again and had kept that promise, to an extent. After all, the only people who knew about her feelings for Harry were she and possibly Harry.

But Hermione couldn't reveal this to her mother, a woman who had known from the beginning Hermione's feelings towards the youngest Weasley boy. The one who had made her first few weeks at school miserable by pointing out how she had no friends because she was a know-it-all. The one who turned her back against her third, fourth, and sixth year. The one who she had secretly been in love with so many years and when he seemed to mirror her feelings, had turned around and left her alone in a forest crying out for him to come back.

Her mother did not know this last part and Hermione couldn't bring herself to tell her. She knew if she did, Ron would just look that much worse in her parent's eyes.

Hermione looked down at the floor, avoiding her mother's gaze.

"What did Harry say when Ron proposed?" Hermione's eyes snapped back to her mother's and she suddenly felt dizzy with confusion and worry. Did her mother know? Was she that transparent?

"H-he was, ahem, he was very happy for us." Hermione managed to choke out. She knew she wasn't convincing but her mother simply gave her a tight smile, picked up the plates full of food and took them into the dining room for dinner.

The rest of the night was rather tense for Hermione. Her mother insisted that she wait at least a few years before Hermione got married to Ron.

"I just think you need to wait and see what happens between the two of you." These words both infuriated and scared Hermione. She knew the implication of her mother's words meant that she did not believe that their relationship would last. Not because she didn't love Ronald, because she did, but because Hermione was more in love with someone else. That was the part that infuriated her. Hermione could barely admit it to herself that her feelings for Harry were more than friendly, least of all admit it to anyone else.

Just thinking about anything to do with Harry lately sent her mind into a tailspin so to have her mother bring it up right in front of her did not bode well with her. She knew deep down that the anger and frustration she was emitting towards her mother wasn't really intended for her, but she couldn't help it!

The anger didn't end with her mother either, it seemed to take on a life of its own and extended towards everyone and everything in her life for the next few weeks. Ron thought it was because he didn't go to her parent's house with her and apologized profusely, even going as far as calling Hermione's mother to apologize. When he gave her the phone to talk to her, the first words she heard were, "Have you spoken to Harry lately?" Hermione bit her tongue to keep from screaming at her mother in front of Ron and simply went with, "Mother, I'll talk to you tomorrow." And hung up the phone rather harder than she intended sending it to the floor where it broke. She very nearly screamed, but Ron was quick to keep that from happening and muttered _Reparo! _before Hermione could do so much as squeak.

If her mother wasn't enough, Ron's mother called almost on a daily basis to insist on setting up meetings with wedding dress consultants and cake tastings. Where did this woman get off? They hadn't even set a date yet. Ron was too busy with his training to bring it up and Hermione simply added projects to her list to have an excuse not to start any sort of planning.

It wasn't until Victoire's birthday party that Hermione thought she could finally relax. Ron had done better this time on his exam and obstacle course for the Auror Academy which made things so much easier for the both of them.

Hermione was actually excited to see Ron's family, despite the fact that his mother would be there, but she'd be fussing over Victoire so much she'd probably ignore her; at least, that's what Hermione was hoping.

Thirty minutes into the celebration, Hermione found that she was enjoying herself. She helped Fleur with the activities for the kids and with serving food to the guests. She was in her element when she was giving out instructions to the kids about the muggle game duck-duck-goose when someone tapped her on the shoulder.

She fully expected it to be Ron, he'd been helping her surprisingly through the past few games and had just gone to the loo, but instead she found Harry. Hermione's brain seemed to stop all functioning, her heart sped up ten times the speed it should have been, and her stomach twisted into many uncomfortable knots.

She'd had a similar reaction earlier when she had seen Harry across the room at her arrival to the party but had quickly volunteered to help Fleur to avoid saying hello to him.

They stood quietly for a moment, the children around Hermione had forgotten the few instructions she had given and happily began their own game.

Harry spoke first.

"Can we talk?" he asked quietly. Hermione tried to read his expression, but could find nothing. He looked quite indifferent to wanting to speak to her. There was no urgency in his voice, no kind of plea, nothing. Anger boiled in the pit of her stomach and she considered saying no and ignoring him, but curiosity got the best of her. What did he have to say to her? He hadn't spoken to her since the engagement, and little even before that.

She nodded her head quickly and turned on her heal leading the way out the back door of Bill and Fleur's cottage. They walked for about a minute before Hermione stopped near the dunes where Harry had buried Dobby. If she squinted she could just make out his gravesite.

"So, what is it that you have to say to me Harry?" her voice was cold. She wanted to sound indifferent, but she couldn't help but let her emotions betray her through her tone.

"I just wanted to ask you something." He was looking past her, back towards the house. His eyes were always the most expressive part of him and the indifference he had been betraying earlier could no longer mask the emotions he held there. Hermione's anger towards him for ignoring her seemed to cool slightly and she could feel herself holding her breath.

"Why are you marrying Ron?" her breath left her in a whoosh as if someone had knocked it out of her. Whatever she had been expecting Harry to say was not that. In fact, she wasn't sure about what he was going to say to her at all.

"What do you mean?" she asked stupidly, unprepared for such a question. Harry frowned.

"What else could I mean Hermione? Why are you marrying him? Why'd you say yes?" Hermione narrowed her eyes and studied Harry intently. He was serious. He wanted to know why she wanted to marry Ron. Why she had said yes.

How dare he!

"You have no right to ask such a thing Harry Potter! We haven't spoken properly in weeks, and you've completely ignored me since Ron proposed! I don't understand it, I just don't!" her voice was almost shrill and it hurt even her own ears. Harry winced and shut his eyes before he continued to speak.

"I wanted to talk to you Hermione; it's just that, I didn't think you wanted me to say anything to you. I didn't know what to say actually." He amended.

"Don't try and make this about me not wanting you to talk to me, you know you were the one who made it very clear how you felt about us speaking." The mention of the last time they spoke seriously seemed to change something in Harry, his eyes softened while Hermione's hardened.

"Oh, how quickly we forget." Hermione said, her voice taking on a razor edge.

"Hermione, I'd just survived the war for Merlin's sake! And you were with Ron! You kissed him right in front of me in the castle! What was I supposed to say when we were at the lake, that I didn't want you to be with Ron? That we were both making mistakes? That I'd been in love with you since I was 16 years old?" Harry's face was flushed red with anger. He was nowhere near indifferent now.

Hermione's heart was beating fast again.

"You should have said something." She whispered. He'd never mentioned any of what he had just said that night had gone so much differently than she had hoped it would.

* * *

><p><em>Hermione watched Harry whisper something to Ginny and leave the Great Hall. Ron was sitting with his family so Hermione got up and followed Harry out onto the grounds.<em>

_The sun was shining brightly; it was just after noon she expected. _

_Stomach churning uncomfortably, Hermione walked closer to Harry who was standing under the beach tree by the lake. She wasn't sure what she had followed him out here for, she wasn't sure what they were going to say to each other, and she wasn't sure what she wanted to hear either._

"_So, you and Ron." Just like Harry to get to the point at a time like this. Hermione studied him quickly. He was covered in dirt, blood, and grime, she was sure she looked no better. _

"_So, you and Ginny." She mimicked. He turned to her, a small smile playing across his lips, Hermione smiled in return. They had so much to look forward to now. A future free of a war they had been thrust into so young. There were so many possibilities for them now, a whole new world they had only dreamed of. The question was what were they going to do with it now? Or rather, who were they going to share it with?_

"_Look, Harry, I need to say something before I lose my nerve-" her words came out in a rush, but Harry seemed to be in his own world, because he spoke over her, cutting her off effectively._

"_You chose Ron tonight and I'm happy for you, I knew it would happen eventually, we all did," he chuckled softly, his smile not reaching his eyes, "and I've chosen Ginny, I love her," he added almost as an afterthought, "and what happened in the tent, we'll never talk about it again. I know Ron would never forgive us, and I wouldn't blame him, so I think we should just never speak about it… again. I know we've talked about this before but this time, this time it's different."_

_Hermione was still. She did not speak. Her thoughts were jumbled and she felt confused._

_Harry took her silence as acquiescence. _

"_I mean, it was all a mistake after all. You said so yourself." His words had a bitter bite to them that Hermione almost did not notice. _

_Almost._

_Hermione had said those words, yes, but out of anger and frustration. She's wanted to hurt Harry in a way, but she also wanted to coax him into saying that what happened between them wasn't a mistake. But he hadn't._

_She wanted to say something, but her throat felt closed up, and her mouth wasn't working. Harry was staring at her now, waiting, but she said nothing._

"_So it's settled then. We never mention this again." And with that he turned away from her back to the castle and back to Ginny._

* * *

><p>"You should have said something Hermione. I waited for you to say something, anything! I wanted you to tell me that you didn't love Ron, that you wanted to be with me. Didn't you want that, didn't you want to be with me?" Hermione's eyes began to sting and that familiar feeling of her throat closing up was happening. But she couldn't let that happen. It already happened once; she couldn't let it happen again.<p>

"I wanted you to tell me you loved me." She finally managed. Harry's eyes brightened and he moved forward to grab her, but she flinched from him and he put his arms down.

"It's too late now Harry." What was she doing? It wasn't too late? Why was she saying this? The brief light in Harry's eyes vanished, and instead they turned dark and empty. Hermione hadn't seen him look like this in so long. She hated that she was doing this to him, but what else could be done?

"I'm going back." She meant to the party but she knew what Harry understood. She was going back to Ron, back to her fiancé. Hermione desperately wanted to look back at him as she reached the cottage and stood at the very spot where she told Harry what had happened had been a mistake all that time ago.

For a moment she had the urge to turn and run back towards him, but then it passed. Suddenly children were yelping at her waist and she brushed the few tears that had fallen hastily from her cheeks, pasting a smile on her face and turning back to the party.


	4. Chapter 4

Fight

Hermione couldn't think of anything else for the next few days after her talk with Harry.

He loved her. He said he'd loved her since he was sixteen.

It's the first time he'd said so since that very first time in the tent when he was talking in his sleep.

At first Hermione is angry at him for not saying it sooner. Why didn't he tell her how he felt at school? She was so sure he was head over heels for Ginny, and she herself was so into Ron. But then she thinks about his lingering glances, how he was always there for her when she needed someone to talk to about her feelings for Ron.

How could she have been so blind? Why didn't she see it earlier? Why did it have to wait till it was just the two of them cut off from the world alone, scared, and hopeless?

Her anger fades and turns to sadness then. They could have had so much time if only she had realized his feelings for her earlier and hers as well.

It would have been her and Harry sharing quiet moments together throughout the castle instead of him and Ginny. They could have made love in a comfortable bed, nice and warm instead of a lumpy cot in the middle of the woods during winter.

But would he have stayed with her? Would he have let her join him on his hunt for the horcruxes, or left her behind like he did Ginny?

These questions ruled Hermione's mind all day and night. All she could think about were what if's, and what she could have said, or should have, rather. Needless to say her musings did nothing but send her into a funk that left Ron quite confused.

He tried many things to cheer up Hermione. Made her dinner, helped clean her flat, and even went as far as making sure she finished before him in bed.

Sadly, she had to fake it in order to get it over with, otherwise they'd be in bed fucking for another twenty minutes, and Hermione did not want to do that.

It's not that Ron hadn't pleasured her well before, he had, but these days, it just wasn't enough.

He wasn't enough.

When he finally confronted her about how she was feeling, she just said she was tired and that she had a lot on her mind with the upcoming fundraiser she was putting together to promote Goblin Rights Awareness.

"Are you sure that's it? You've been stressed about things like this before, and it's never gotten to this… to this point." Hermione knew what he meant. They usually had sex more often than they were, but she just couldn't get to that point without having Harry cross her mind. She briefly wondered how she was able to be with Ron before so many times without thinking of him.

She considered a lot of things but she knew it was her recent trip to the Forest of Dean and her talk with Harry. It brought up so many buried feelings. Now that they had resurfaced, she couldn't help but let them take over her like they were doing. Sometimes she even thought she enjoyed it. But that was preposterous. How could she enjoy her feelings when she was engaged to be married and Harry was dating her best friend?

Well best friend was kind of a stretch. Ginny and Hermione were close, but only because she was Ron's sister and Harry's girlfriend. If she hadn't been those things, Hermione highly doubted they'd be anything more than acquaintances.

It's not that Ginny wasn't a good person or that Hermione thought she was better than her. It was just little things. How she put herself into conversations that didn't really pertain to her, especially conversations that only involved her, Harry, and Ron. Hermione suspected it was her way of trying to become more a part of their little trio, something she wouldn't have been opposed to if Ginny had something to contribute to it.

Hermione shook her head. That was harsh and unfair. Ginny was lovely. In her own way yes, but lovely all the same. Harry appeared to think so as well.

"Stop it Hermione, stop thinking about him." As she muttered the words aloud an owl swooped in through her open bedroom window and landed in front of her.

Realizing it was Harry's new owl Chara, a Great Horned Owl, she quickly took the letter from her leg. Chara nipped her finger and then took flight once more.

Hermione debated opening the letter for a moment before she tore open the seal and hungrily read what Harry had written.

_Hermione,_

_I'm sorry about yesterday. I'm sorry about what we said and what's become of us. I'm sorry for not telling you how I felt for you before now. I'm sorry for ruining our friendship. I'm sorry for everything Hermione. I want to make this right, I don't know how, but I want to fix our relationship. I can't stand the awkwardness between us. I want it to be different… _

There were some dots of ink at the end of "different", not an ellipses, it was more like Harry didn't know what else to write and he hit the parchment a few times with his inked quill.

_Please._

_Harry._

Hermione nibbled her bottom lip as she read the letter again, and again, and once more before she picked up some parchment and quill and wrote out a reply before she had time to think.

_Harry,_

_I'm also sorry and I want it to be different too. Come over tomorrow night and I'll make us dinner._

_Hermione_

She tapped the parchment with her wand and watched it seal itself. Walking swiftly to the wardrobe in her bedroom she coaxed down her own owl Edgar from his perch. He was a beautiful tawny that Hermione had fallen in love with the year before when she had gone to Eeylops Owl Emporium with Ron who was also looking for a new owl as "Pig" had officially been given to Ginny. While Ron had gone for an impressive Australian Masked Owl, Hermione felt that the understated tawny was much more handsome.

Watching Edgar fly away with her reply, she crossed her arms and felt that her decision to meet with Harry tomorrow was one that she had to go through with because she wanted to fix whatever was left between them.

The next 24 hours seemed to drag for Hermione. She spent the rest of her day cleaning her flat the muggle way to pass time. She'd just finished the kitchen as the sun was setting when Ron popped in.

Hermione jumped in surprise and then looked at Ron crossly.

"Will you stop that? That's the second time you've done that to me in this kitchen." She hissed before packing up her cleaning supplies and moving them into the bathroom. Ron chuckled.

"Sorry, I just wanted to drop in before I left… You remember I won't be back from visiting Charlie until day after tomorrow don't you?" Hermione nodded. She knew very well that Ron was leaving tonight and wouldn't be back for a couple days. It was precisely why she asked Harry to dinner the following evening.

"Of course I remember." She'd set down her little tub of supplies when Ron unexpectedly grabbed her around the middle and lifted her up. She shrieked and squirmed.

"Ron, put me down!" but he didn't listen.

Instead he carried her into her room and threw her atop her bed. He was a little over enthusiastic because the force with which he threw her had her smack her head against the headboard.

Hermione saw spots for a moment before she moaned and grabbed her head with her hands. Ron got onto the bed with her with a look of sheer embarrassment and apology.

"Hermione I am so sorry! I didn't mean to throw you so hard." He had his hands outstretched as if waiting for instruction, Hermione batted them away.

"What do you think you were doing throwing me on the bed like that?" she said angrily rubbing the bump already forming on the back of her head gingerly.

"I was just trying to be romantic you know?" he muttered sheepishly.

"Oh yes, very romantic to give your fiancé a concussion."

"I'm really sorry." He said again. Hermione shook her head and sat up.

"S'alright. I'll be fine." They sat there quietly for a moment.

"So does this mean we won't be having sex before I leave?" Hermione gave him a look. "Okay, got it. Well I guess I should leave then. Could I at least have a kiss?" Hermione nodded and let Ron peck her on the lips before he hopped off the bed, gave a parting wave and disapparated.

That night Hermione found herself in bed staring at the ceiling wide awake.

Tomorrow she would be making dinner for Harry and the two of them would be alone in her apartment together. They hadn't been alone together in months, not counting their private chat the other day, which hardly counted as being alone.

All the same, the anticipation of what might happen between them made her mind whirl with questions and possible scenarios.

She imagined Harry sitting across from her with a candle lit dinner between them smiling fondly at her and commenting on how well she cooked. He would then sit his fork down and look at Hermione with such intensity and profess his undying love for her and explain his plan on how the two of them could run away and get married and have children and live a ridiculously happy life together.

Hermione snorted and turned onto her side. _Yeah right._ She thought. _The day Harry asks me to run away with him will be the day Malfoy and Ron become best friends. _Translation, not bloody likely.

After a few more hours of restless squirming she finally let sleep take her into dreams full of herself and Harry.

* * *

><p>Hermione was frantic. Harry was sure to show up any minute and she had managed to burn the potatoes, ruin the gravy for the chicken, and hadn't even put any makeup on. She felt it was a bad omen for the rest of the evening with how so many things just weren't going right.<p>

She was rethinking what to do for the sides when she heard a small pop come from the foyer of her apartment.

"Hermione?" came Harry's voice.

Goosebumps formed on her arms at his voice and she cleared her throat.

"I'm in the kitchen." Harry walked in moments later and wrinkled his nose at the smell from the burnt potatoes. He quickly shook it off, but Hermione had already seen his expression.

"I'm sorry; I've ruined everything for dinner. Well, not the chicken, I bought that one cooked, I just had to recook it you know? And I haven't had time to get dressed or… or fix my hair, thank goodness I decided to clean up yesterday, otherwise-"

"Hermione, calm down… it's fine." Harry walked forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. His trying to comfort her did anything but calm her down; it just made her more nervous. She nodded her head mutely and took a deep breath. _It's Harry, just Harry._ She thought to herself as she turned her back to him and went to throwing away the things they wouldn't need for dinner after all. She would have used her wand, but it was in her room.

The two of them remained quiet throughout Hermione's simple dinner of chicken and green beans.

Hermione was just trying to formulate something to say when Harry spoke first.

"I miss you Hermione." She looked up from her plate and into Harry's eyes. There was no fancy meal lit by candle light between them. He didn't profess his undying love for her like she had imagined the night before, but he was staring at her with the intensity she had been dreaming of and that was enough. Because his eyes told her everything he didn't say out loud.

"I miss you too." She said simply. They held each other's gazes before looking back to their food shyly.

It must be the wine making her warm, she mused as she took another sip from her glass, but she knew it was more than that.

What happened next happened very quickly.

Hermione cleared up the table and was putting things away as Harry watched her while leaning on the doorframe separating living room for kitchen. She was just washing her hands when she felt his presence directly behind her.

The warmth washed over her again in pleasant waves as Harry's hand rested on her arm.

She turned around and found herself face to face with the boy who had held her heart since those nights in the forest two years ago.

Neither knew who leaned in first, but suddenly they were kissing, and it wasn't a slow sensuous kiss, it was hungry and angry.

At first Hermione didn't understand the force Harry was using on her as he grabbed her upper arms tightly holding her in place as if he was afraid she'd run away, because she wasn't. She'd been dreaming of this for months, she wasn't going anywhere. But then she understood his anger and urgency because she felt it too. Anger at him, at herself, at the time they'd lost and all the obstacles that had been, and were in their way. She pressed herself closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Their breathing was ragged and heavy. The warmth Hermione felt earlier had begun to burn hot throughout her body and she needed action now. She pulled away from Harry and reached down to his belt buckle. She saw him swallow deeply but didn't protest at her actions.

She hooked her thumbs between his skin and boxers and pulled down everything at once. She was left staring at Harry's very hard and erect penis.

She'd never done oral sex before, though Ron had tried to get her to do it, she said she thought it was disgusting, and unlady like and would never try such a thing, but in this moment she forgot about how unlady like it was and took Harry into her mouth.

He groaned above her at the feeling of her warm mouth on him and grabbed a fistful of her hair. Hermione bobbed her head at a rapid pace surprising herself at how much she was enjoying this. Her tongue flicked around him a while longer before Harry pulled her head back from him.

"Stand up." His voice was the sexiest thing Hermione had ever heard. It sounded so deep, so guttural, so manly. She obeyed immediately only to be turned around and pushed against the counter roughly. Harry lifted up the skirt she was wearing and pulled down her lace thong. He chuckled darkly behind her and Hermione felt herself grow even wetter at the sound. She felt his fingers run along her center and she groaned. Harry was pressed against her now from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder, his hot breath brushed against her cheek and she could smell the wine on it.

She gasped as his fingers slipped inside her and began moving at a rapid pace. The sounds coming from her were most embarrassing, but she didn't care, she hadn't felt this good during foreplay in a really long time. Just as she was about to beg for Harry to fuck her he pulled his fingers away and grabbed her waist putting her into a position where she was bent over right in front of him.

Without asking, without warning, Harry shoved himself into her in one motion. Hermione hissed and moaned as he moved behind her holding her up at the waist because if he wasn't she'd surely collapse on the floor from pleasure.

This went on for a few minutes before Hermione felt Harry's grip on her tighten and loosen rhythmically. He'd just come inside her with no protection. Hermione's pleasure quickly evaporated and she was filled with fear. She pulled away from him and ignored Harry's hiss at the separation. She sank to the floor and thought about her cycle.

She was due to start the very next day and she'd been having cramps for a few days. Relief flooded through her. She wouldn't get pregnant.

Moments later Harry sunk next to her and smiled shyly.

"Hey." He said, Hermione smiled back, "Hey."

Hermione studied Harry for moment noticing the slight sheen of perspiration that was formed on his forehead that damped his bangs. She noticed how bright his eyes were and remembered how bright they would get in the tent after every time they had sex.

In that moment as they stared at each other Hermione felt light again. She hadn't felt this way in such a long time, and she knew it was because of Harry. He made her feel this way. So special, so happy.

Despite the fact that she had just cheated on her fiancé, she couldn't help but lean forward and kiss Harry again, ignoring the tiny bit of guilt that was surely going to take over her brain as soon as he left. She wanted to prolong this moment. She wanted to forget about everything else and pretend that she and Harry were the ones engaged the ones with marriage in their future.

Harry leaned into her kiss, and this time it wasn't hungry or angry, it was soft and nice.

They rested their foreheads against each other and Hermione sighed.

"It smells like sex." Harry muttered. Hermione giggled and before she knew it was laying on her back in peals of laughter.

It felt so good to laugh like that again.

Harry watched her and every time she caught his eye she would lose it all over again.

After she finally collected herself, the two put their clothes back on again and headed to Hermione's room and lay on her bed.

She watched Harry get comfortable and decided that he fit here with her. He didn't look out of place, he didn't look uncomfortable, he looked like he lay in this bed all the time when in fact it was his first time.

"What are you thinking?" he asked quietly. Hermione took a deep breath. This was it. She couldn't fuck it up anymore, she had to say something now.

"I'm thinking how you seem to just, belong here." She said happy with herself for getting those words out. Harry smiled at her and grabbed her hand lacing her fingers with his.

"I'm also thinking about how much I…" she took a deep breath, she could do this. She had to.

"How much I love you." Harry's expression filled with happiness at her words. He turned onto his side and leaned forward to kiss her.

"I love you too."

They enjoyed their moment of revelation for a few minutes before Harry spoke again.

"Do you still love Ron?" the mention of Ron made Hermione's anger spark within her but she took a deep breath. It was just the stress of trying to keep up with a relationship she wasn't happy with. She should have said no when he proposed, she should have said anything but yes. She explained this to Harry, how she felt obligated to continue with a relationship with Ron after their talk at the lake. She told him how stressful it had been since the engagement with both Ron's mother and her own.

After some silence Hermione asked about Ginny. Harry looked down at their laced hands and spoke to them.

"I love her." He said. Hermione's heart seemed to stop beating. "But not like I love you." He looked back up at her with an expression she couldn't quite place.

The next day Hermione is pacing her apartment waiting for Ron's arrival. She'd just received an owl from him saying he'd be there soon.

She couldn't stop thinking about the previous nights events and she couldn't help but worry that as soon as Ron walked around her apartment he'd know what had happened, but she couldn't let him find out like that. The guilt that had been suppressed by Harry's presence was extremely present now and she was sure she was going to explode from it.

A faint pop came from the kitchen and Hermione knew it was Ron. He popped his head out and found Hermione in the living room, he grinned widely. He rushed forward and scooped her in his arms.

"Merlin I missed you." He breathed into her hair setting her down gently. Hermione turned to look up at him. So many things went through her head to say to him at that moment.

_I'm in love with your best friend._

But she couldn't say it. Not like that.

So instead she went with, "I missed you too."

He took a seat on the couch and pulled her next to him. They chatted for a few minutes about unimportant things when he asked what she'd done yesterday.

_I did your best friend._

But she couldn't say that.

"I just spent some time with Harry." She managed. Not a total lie right? Ron made a face and then turned to find the remote for the television.

"Wait a minute, what's that face?" Hermione asked. Ron turned back with a slightly guilty look.

"What do you mean? What face?"

"That face you just made. I said I spent time with Harry and you made this face." She mimicked his face as well as she could and Ron shrugged.

"It's just that… I don't know, ever since the war, you two kind of stopped being so… I don't know… less friendly?" he finished rather lamely. Hermione continued to stare at him waiting for him to continue.

"You know what I mean. You two hardly talk anymore, only when we all get together at the burrow or something like that. I mean, he hardly said a word to you after we got engaged. I guess it was bound to happen though." The words rolled off his tongue with little effort and this made Hermione quite upset.

"Bound to happen?" she stood up and gestured with her hands. "What do you mean bound to happen?" she asked. Ron put his hands up as if trying to calm her.

"No, no, do not try to calm me down. What do you mean by that?" Ron sighed and put his head down rubbing his temples.

"I just mean that Harry and I have always been closer than you and he ever were. It was just a matter of time before the two of you, ya know, kind of fell apart." Hermione felt her lips thin into an angry line and by the expression on Ron's face; he knew he was in for it.

How dare he say such things? He knew nothing, nothing of the intensity that existed between Harry and her. It wasn't just physical, it was deeper than that.

The anger at being told, what Hermione knew to be partly true, that her and Harry had fallen apart was something she could not stand. She'd been very angry and on the edge lately, mostly it was her fault, but there were so many annoyances in her life as well. This, this was just the catalyst. It was bound to happen.

She knew what she was going to say next was going to hurt Ron, but that's what she wanted to do, hurt him for saying that her and Harry were bound to fall apart.

"Well if you and Harry are as close as you think you are then you wouldn't have abandoned him in the tent two years ago!" she shouted. The color rose immediately in Ron's neck, and then traveled to his face and ears. It was below the belt, she knew it, but she was in the moment and did not quite care.

Ron was not much for fighting like this, not really. He stood up in front of her and was shaking with anger, literally. None of them had ever quite spoken about that time when Ron had left them alone to fend for themselves. They knew it would open old wounds and no one wanted to do that, until now.

"Take that back." Was all he could manage to say. Hermione sneered. It was not a nice look for her.

"No because you know it's true. We just never brought it up again because then you'd have to face what a coward you were for leaving us like that. You'd realize what a horrible, horrible person you really are Ronald Weasley and you'd realize that Harry is the better person. Always has been and always will be!" Ron had nothing more to say to that. He simply disapparted and left Hermione breathing heavily, eyes bright with tears, and staring at the spot he had just been standing.

**a/n: thought i'd double up on chapters since i've been pretty bad at updating, and also i'll be away from the internet for a while so i'm not too sure when the next update will be... hopefully less than a month. also, i hope you're enjoying the story, i'm having a lot of fun writing it and letting the characters do their own thing. i have a pretty good idea of where i want to go with this, but we'll see. let me know what you think in a review and if you have any questions just ask. thanks :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: sorry everyone for the long wait. i just got internet again and was finally able to post this chapter. i had a tough time writing it and i think it shows, but hopefully you all think different and enjoy it much the same. **

**i know the characters are a bit OOC, and i hope that doesn't turn you off too much. I'm trying my best to keep everything in canon, from the books and information joe has given us that's not in the books. (but of course i'm putting my own spin on things that might of, or could have happened). i've also enjoyed the movies very much, especially the chemistry that dan emma and rupert shared on screen, so some things are definitely from the movies that could have existed in the books as well. i hope it's all making sense and if not, feel free to pm me if anything doesn't make sense to you. and also, i'm doing all the editing myself (it's pretty obvious lol) so please try to ignore my mistakes. unless it's a really huge one, then let me know.**

**i'm working on chapter 6, and i hope to have it up soon.**

**well that's all from me, enjoy :)**

* * *

><p>The Plan<p>

_I'm a cheating, lying, hypocrite. I'm worthless. I'm a disgrace._

_I'm so ashamed._

These thoughts swirled around Hermione's head as she sat in the middle of her bed holding her knees close to her.

_I'm such a horrible person. Why did I say those things? How could I say them after what happened with Harry? Merlin, I feel like shit._

Tears spilled over onto her cheeks and dropped onto her wrists.

_What's wrong with me?_

Hermione buried her face in her arms and began to cry again in earnest.

It'd been a few hours since Ron had stormed out. She hadn't felt this horrible about Ron leaving her since he had left the tent all those years ago.

Among the guilt and hatred she was feeling towards herself, she was also feeling things that didn't even make sense. Like hurt that Ron left, confusion about whether to go after him, and a longing she didn't know she still possessed for Ron.

At times she would open her eyes and see the canvas of the tent around her and dim lighting. She would feel the cold that pervaded them most nights in the tent.

Was she going mad? Were the horrors she'd witnessed in her life finally catching up to her and breaking down her mental walls to the point where she couldn't distinguish between past and present?

Because of these thoughts Hermione tossed and turned in her bed unable to fall asleep for the rest of the night.

When birds began to chirp outside Hermione decided it was no use and got out of bed sluggishly.

She made her way to the bathroom and washed her face. Catching a glimpse of herself and feeling the strong urge to cry, she turned away before she could.

It was well into the afternoon when there came a small pop from the kitchen. Hermione ran out of her room to check and see if it was Ron, but it wasn't.

"Oh, Harry, it's you." Harry nodded his head and smiled meekly.

"Yeah, sorry I didn't tell you I was going to drop by, I just thought I should check on you since we haven't really spoken since the other, ahem, evening." He lowered his eyes to the ground in what Hermione assumed was due to shame or guilt.

After they had, for lack of a better term, fucked in the kitchen, and spent the rest of the evening in her room (there was not much talking going on) Harry had left before the sun came up and neither of them had gone to the other to speak properly about what it was that happened, or what they wanted to happen between them from then on. But there was something else in Harry's demeanor that didn't sit well with Hermione, she had a feeling that he was there for another reason than to talk about them.

"It's alright, um, have a seat, would you care for some tea?" Hermione mentally rolled her eyes at herself, tea, really? Was she her mother now?

"Uh, yea sure. Why not?" Harry took a seat on the couch while Hermione busied herself in the kitchen. Once it was ready she put everything on a tray and took it to the coffee table in front of Harry.

"Thank you." He said as he took his first sip. Hermione smiled tightly.

There was a strained tension between them now and she couldn't quite put her finger on why she felt that way. Before she could take it any longer, Harry spoke.

"I spoke to Ron today." And there it was.

For some unknown reason the thought of Ron talking to Harry now just felt wrong to her. After the things he had told her the day before, and the things she had told him, she was actually surprised Ron had gone to Harry to talk about the fight they had had and was equally as surprised that Harry had spoken to Ron as well.

"Oh."

"Oh? Oh? Is that all you have to say?" Harry asked incredulously. Hermione eyed him for a moment trying to place the reason for his reaction to her lack of reaction.

"How could you say that to him Hermione?" he asked after a moment. She gaped at him. Was he being serious? Was he going to lecture her on tact or something?

"How could… How could I say that to him? How can _you_ sit there and act as if nothing has happened between us and try and lecture me on what I say or don't say to Ron?" Hermione stood up and walked over behind her couch where she began to pace.

"We're not talking about us right now Hermione; we're talking about what you said to Ron." Hermione gave a humorless laugh.

"Of course we're going to talk about that because we _never_ talk about us. Either I'm the one to shut up and be quiet about how I feel about you or you go and do it. It's the same thing over and over isn't it?" Hermione's breathing was labored. This was ridiculous. It was getting out of hand. If Harry expected to just come here and ignore what had happened between them and focus on Ron, then something had to be done, she couldn't keep quiet anymore.

"Well it's not going to happen anymore. Forget about Ron for a moment Harry, forget about that conversation for just a second, because honestly I feel guilty enough without you going on about it, and forget about everything else and let's just focus on us for once, can't you do that?" Hermione sat down again and stared imploringly at Harry. He eyed her for a moment, his jaw muscles working.

"Alright." Hermione nodded.

"Okay. So I'll start. I love you Harry." Harry's posture seemed to relax a bit and his eyes softened slightly.

"I love you too Hermione." He reached over and took her hand. Hermione suppressed the urge to smile.

"Okay, so we love each other. What about Ron and Ginny?" Harry said nothing. "I mean, what should we do? I know Ron and I aren't going to be speaking anytime soon, but when we do I've been working on something to say to him, for while now, ever since what happened in the forest, but then we had all those fights and talks and you got back together with Ginny and I accepted Ron's proposal, and it's just gotten out of hand, but if we tell them now, before we get any deeper, then we can work something out. We just need to put our heads together and think of something." She paused and waited for Harry to say something. She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back so she knew he had paid attention to everything she had said.

"I don't know if we can do this Hermione." Something hot and heavy seemed to drop into her stomach at his words. _No. Please, don't let this happen again._ She thought.

"I love you Hermione, you know I do, but… Ron's my best friend and you didn't see him last night. He was, broken. I hadn't seen him like that since Fred." The guilt Hermione had been feeling already about what she had said burned hot within her. "He told me he had to come and talk to me to see if I felt the same way as you about him leaving us. I told him I didn't Hermione, I told him that the fact that he came back meant more than his leaving. I spoke to him for hours until he finally believed me." Hermione put her head in her hands. This was going nowhere. The subject of Ron had come up again and this time she couldn't think of a way to change it back to her and Harry because her confusion about the whole situation was really getting to her.

Logical, level-headed Hermione could not think straight.

She thought of Ron sitting in front of Harry as broken as she could imagine him. She thought of Harry consoling him and telling him that it wasn't true, that Hermione was probably just taking out her frustration at something else on him. Little did he know it was at the frustration at the situation between Harry and her that had gotten Ron into this mess.

And without warning, Hermione broke down in front of Harry crying.

Harry sighed but took her into his arms nonetheless.

"I shouldn't have said those things to him Harry. I shouldn't have yelled at him but I couldn't help it, I'm so confused about everything. I don't know anymore, I just… I just-" her voice broke into heavy sobbing and she couldn't stop. Harry smoothed her hair away from her face and held her tight. After a while she took a few shuttering breathes to calm herself.

When she came to her senses she found herself buried in Harry's chest. Her hands were gripping his shirt tight and his front was covered in her tears. She looked up at Harry, his face so close to hers. She knew she looked horrible. Her eyes must be swollen with tears, her cheeks red and blotchy, her nose dripping, but he still leaned in to kiss her.

It was a soft kiss, slow and tentative. It was nothing like the kiss he had given her the other evening. This one was different. She couldn't recall him kissing her like this ever.

She felt herself pulled up from her seat and followed his movements and shifting until she noticed she was in her bedroom.

He laid her in bed and began to take off her clothes. She watched his slow precise movements with an unwavering gaze. When she was just in her underwear she felt her heart speed up slightly as he hooked his thumbs on her panties and pulled them off.

He spread her legs and climbed onto the bed with her burying his face between her thighs.

Hermione closed her eyes and sighed. His mouth moved softly over her center, tasting her for the first time. She remembered his kiss from a few minutes ago and realized he was moving his tongue and lips over her the same way, just on a different part of hers.

She held onto the sheets and tried to forget everything else but couldn't.

She could see Ron after she kissed him for the first time. She could see him the first time he took her by surprise and kissed her. His cheeks had burned red, and his eyes so blue. She could count his freckles and could see his lashes that were so incredibly light.

She realized she had loved him then and that he truly did love her.

But it wasn't the same as the kind of love she felt for Harry, and she wished, she so wished it was enough.

* * *

><p>The summer heat was intense. Despite the cooling charms Hermione had set about her flat and the muggle air condition, it didn't feel like enough.<p>

She showered often and even charmed a little hand held fan to follow her movements around for the day, but that hadn't worked out well when it got caught in her hair.

Flicking her wand, she turned the fan off and set it on a shelf across the room. She fanned herself for a moment with her hand and looked about.

It had been a week since the fight with Ron and her second night with Harry.

After they had had sex they lay in bed for hours and talked. It had been a relief to finally get some answers from Harry; to finally know what they were doing and their plan of action to be together was a huge weight off her shoulders.

It had been decided that they would no longer see each other for the next few weeks until Harry broke it off with Ginny and when Hermione broke it off with Ron. It seemed only fair to keep their contact to a bare minimum until they dealt with their significant others; they'd been lied to enough.

After they had done so then the two of them would be together in secret for a while until it all calmed down a bit and then they'd reveal that they were a couple.

Harry had seemed hesitant to the idea but had agreed nonetheless. The whole thing seemed a little unreal and scary to Hermione also, so Harry's hesitation made sense. But it was happening. It was finally going to happen.

They had not set an exact date as to when they should end their relationships, but it seemed like an unspoken agreement that the cutoff date was the end of the summer. That gave them about two months before September came around. Hermione didn't know if she should just get it over with the next time she spoke to Ron or if she should make up with him.

The second idea seemed a bit cruel though, to just make everything better out of her guilt for knowing she was going to end things and then end things with him. No, it would be better to do it quickly.

But how to get a hold of Ron, she wasn't sure.

They hadn't spoken and even though she knew he was at his own flat, she couldn't bring herself to owl him. Instead she busied herself with reading up on legislature she was able to procure from the ministry about magical creature rights, especially those having to do with house elves. But it was tough doing so in this heat. It also didn't help that she was doing all this work in the kitchen where she vividly remembered the things Harry had done to her against the counter. So unable to keep those thoughts of Harry away she got up and paced her flat for a while to try and think of something else.

But keeping thoughts of Harry away was difficult.

She wanted to see him so badly, wanted to speak to him and make sure he was feeling the same as she was and wasn't ready to back out of their agreement.

It worried her that he and Ginny were still on good terms. For all Ginny knew, Harry was still her faithful boyfriend and hopefully, someday, husband to be. They had not fought as Ron and Hermione had and it worried her. It worried her because she knew Harry still loved Ginny as Hermione loved Ron. It worried her because she knew that given the right circumstances, Harry would probably still be sleeping with Ginny until he decided to end things with her. It made Hermione sick to know that she was going to be the reason for Ginny's heartbreak, but it also made her sick to think of Harry being with her in bed.

Her stomach churned at the image of Harry kissing Ginny, holding her close, their naked bodies pressed together.

_TAP TAP._

Hermione jumped and turned to the window where the loud tapping had come from. On the outside sill of the window sat Harry's owl tapping impatiently at the glass. Rushing forward, Hermione opened the window letting Chara fly in. She rested on the arm of the couch and held out her leg for Hermione.

Quickly she took off the scroll and opened it hastily.

_I miss you_

Hermione smiled to herself at the three words.

So he was thinking of her. She turned the parchment over and wrote a simple, _Me too, _tied it back to Chara who nipped her finger affectionately and took flight out the window.

She watched the owl for a few moments before another swooped in right before she was going to close the window. Hermione shrieked at the sudden appearance of the new owl and then felt her heart fall into her stomach.

It was Ron's owl Alroy and in his beak was a very small envelope.

Hermione stood in shock for a moment giving Alroy time to drop off the letter, hop onto the windowsill, give Hermione what she was sure was a sad glance and flew off.

Feeling like her legs and arms were made of lead, she closed the window and walked over to the letter off the couch and opened it with shaking hands.

_Hermione,_

_I know we haven't spoken in a few days, but I think it's time we get together and talk about what happened the other night. Meet at my place today?_

_Ron_

Hermione reread his words a few times. There was nothing cryptic in his message. Ron was always straight to the point. Sometimes it was a gift, and sometimes a curse. Right now, Hermione wasn't sure she knew what it was, but she couldn't hold off a reply.

But just as she was about to pick up a parchment and quill, she remembered Edgar was at the ministry picking up more rolls of legislature for her to read through.

She panicked for a moment, but then caught sight of Harry's message.

_Its better I do it quickly._ She thought her previous words to herself.

Deciding what she was going to do, she made sure she had her wand and apparated to Ron's flat.


	6. Chapter 6

Losing Your Memory

Hermione opened her eyes and found herself on the familiar doorstep to Ron's flat. Taking a few deep breaths she reaches out a hand and knocks on the door.

It felt like a lifetime before she heard Ron approach from the other side opening the door gently. Her stomach was in knots as they stared at each other.

Ron's face was set into a grim expression and for a heart stopping moment Hermione thought, _"He knows."_

Without saying a word Ron shifts to the side and lets Hermione in.

It's an odd thing for Hermione to walk into Ron's flat where she has been so many times before but now everything felt extremely foreign and uncomfortable to her.

Following Ron into the sitting room she thinks of how to start off their conversation. Her mind is racing so fast, looking for an in that it takes her a moment to realize that Ron has spoken to her.

"…'s the best thing for both of us." Hermione's glazed eyes come back into focus and with a slight shake of her head she blushes.

"Sorry… I didn't catch that." Ron's ears are red and turn a slightly darker color. He looks to the floor avoiding eye contact.

"I said, I think we should hold off the wedding for a while, it's the best thing for the both of us." The world seems to tilt on its axis. Hermione reaches out a hand to steady herself and Ron instinctively catches it. His expression is full of guilt and regret. The irony of his very visible emotions is astounding that it makes Hermione's head spin even more.

"W-why?" she manages after gathering her bearings. Ron sighs, still holding onto her hand and looking down at it.

"I just think we haven't had much time to be together… and we've been fighting a lot more than usual. It just seems like the right thing to do." Hermione looks down at their linked hands.

Feelings of nostalgia flood her.

"I hope you don't hate me for this… I mean I'd understand, I hate myself right now. I've been a mess these past few weeks…" he pauses gathering breath and Hermione squeezes his hand to get his attention. He looks at her through his ginger lashes.

"Ron, it's alright. I agree." For a moment Ron seems sad, but then takes a deep breath and manages a small smile. Hermione takes this has encouragement and continues.

"Maybe some proper time apart will do us some good. Of course we can still see each other I suppose, if that's alright with you?" Ron nods his head.

"Of course Hermione, I'd never not want to see you again." A pang of guilt rushes through her.

"Me neither." Feeling bold, and oddly light, Hermione falls into his arms for a hug. It feels safe and warm. Closing her eyes she relishes the feeling of being held by her childhood friend, turned boyfriend. She doesn't want to let go.

But she does.

Standing back she pulls off the ring he'd given her and places it in his palm. Not too sure what to say now and an awkward pause.

"I didn't mean what I said you know." Hermione finally manages. Ron is still staring down at the ring in his palm.

"You and Harry mean the world to me, neither of you is better than the other. I-I shouldn't have said that. I was just-" Ron closes his hand around the ring and interrupts her.

"It doesn't matter, it's in the past. I know what I did was a rotten thing, and you know I regret it every day of my life, no matter what you or Harry say, I know what I did was wrong. I know it." Hermione notices his hand clench around the ring for a moment.

"You came back." Hermione whispers. Ron looks up at her and there's something in his eyes that looks like a forgotten memory, it stirs something in her and before she can think twice she launches herself into his arms.

Her lips land awkwardly on Ron's and he fumbles with the sudden impact of her body on his.

Hermione's arms encircle around his neck and her heart is beating wildly. She feels a hesitance in Ron before he responds by grasping her head between his large hands and bringing her closer to him.

They stumble their way onto the couch where Hermione straddles Ron across his lap. His hands move away from her face and follow their familiar path down her sides and up under her shirt, pulling it up in the process. Hermione helps him pull it off and pulls away from their kiss for a moment. Once it's off, Ron grabs the back of her head and brings her lips back to his.

Their breathing picks up speed as Ron grabs onto her waist, squeezing and pulling, making her press into him.

A low moan comes from the back of Hermione's throat and she feels the need for him to be within her deep in her stomach.

She's conscious of their new circumstances, of the promise she's made Harry, but at the same time she feels she owes this to Ron, to herself.

Awkwardly, they discard of their pants and under things quickly.

Hermione finds herself underneath Ron for the first time in months. She holds onto his shoulders, his arms and feels muscles that she'd forgotten were there and then he's inside her and their moans of satisfaction fill the air.

Ron's lips attack hers as he moves above her, within her.

Hermione's eyes stay wide with the familiar sensations that only Ron has been able to evoke within her, and even though she's quite immersed in these feelings, Harry still pops into her mind.

She cannot help but compare the two now, and for a moment it all feels so horribly wrong, but then Ron bites a spot on her neck and it stings. It's something he's never done before and the gesture has Hermione reeling. Her hips move to meet his thrusts, her hands clawing at his arms, shoulders, and back, trying to find some purchase.

At one point, while holding onto his shoulders, Ron's gaze meets hers in an unwavering stare. His eyes are the darkest she's ever seen them, his expression intense and heavy. An explosion happens within her and her walls clench around Ron. He continues to pound relentlessly until he reaches his own release within her.

Coming down from her high, Hermione becomes aware of Ron's weight above her. She can hear his breathing, feel his skin brush and move against hers with each breath. He is still inside her and she waits patiently for him to pull out.

When he does, the contact is missed, but she knows it's necessary.

The two dress in silence.

As she's pulling on her underwear, Ron speaks.

"If I'd known breaking up with you would have gotten this to happen, I would have done it a lot sooner." Hermione detects anger in his tone, but when she looks up, all she sees is a cheeky smirk. Hermione rolls her eyes.

"Oh Ron." He smiles mischievously and leans forward for a kiss. With his lips still against hers he whispers, "I like when you say that." For a moment Hermione thinks that Ron's impression of what has just happened was some sort of makeup sex in which everything that had been spoken about before has become null and void.

"Right well, you need to get a move on Hermione darling, don't you have some work to be getting to." Hermione jumps at Ron's sudden briskness and realizes that he's still playing with her. She stands up as well and hugs him. He hugs her back, squeezing tightly for a moment.

"I still love you Ron." She whispers, low enough for him to not hear, but somehow he does.

"I still love you too Hermione." And with a small smile he steps back from her and waves. Hermione takes this as her queue to leave and disapparates with a pop.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day Hermione immerses herself in her work, not ready to think about what had just happened between her and Ron. But it's hard.<p>

Her left hand feels light without the ring he'd given her weighing it down, and she's not sure if she misses it or not.

Had she been growing used to the idea of becoming Ron's wife?

The thought had crossed her mind a few times over the past few years before he'd proposed, but after everything that had happened with Harry recently, the only wedding she could ever have imagined herself in didn't involve the union of her and Ron.

By the end of the day, Hermione decided that what had happened between Ron and her today was good. They needed some sort of closure, and she was lucky it had all happened at one time. There was no drawn out ending between them, and she was grateful for that. Of course she knew that what was between them wasn't completely over, but for the time being it was, and that was what was important. She'd get to the rest later when it got to that time.

Despite the lingering feelings of nostalgia, she was glad. She was her own again, well not completely. She had Harry to contend with. After all, she'd upheld her end of the agreement, and with time to spare. Now it was just Harry's turn.

The thought brought a tightening to her stomach.

It was really happening.

She'd ended her relationship with Ron, something she didn't think possible, especially under the circumstances they had been under, but she'd done it. Well, they'd done it.

But somehow, it had all been too easy. Too clean.

Shouldn't there have been some yelling, some screaming, some tears? Wasn't it in their nature to be slightly volatile? It had always been that way, why had it been so different now?

It's me, I'm different now.

Before the proposal, Hermione had been attentive to Ron, had been at his beck and call, well, almost. Their relationship had been good if not a bit flawed.

She thought of Harry of course, as one does when reminiscing of their first time. Some days she'd think about the talks they'd had leading up to their relationships with the Weasley siblings, but it wasn't often. But somehow, the proposal had opened up a floodgate of emotions and memories that Hermione could not shake.

She'd left Ron, both physically and mentally. She'd shut him out because the emotions she'd began to feel for Harry again were too much to compete with the feelings she had for Ron.

It'd been her that had set all this in motion, she knew it.

But Ron didn't.

His simple reasoning was just that they needed some time apart in order to fall back together. Hermione was sure that that was his intention, but maybe with time he'd see that they were better apart than together. He just needed time.

Time.

It'd been so long since she'd seen Harry, and being with Ron today had reminded Hermione of that. Being with either of them separately reminded her of the other. She wondered idly if it was the same case with them. Did being with her cause them to think of the other?

It was something to ponder, but thinking of them was causing her stomach to ache in a way that she'd been feeling a lot that day.

Nostalgia.

It been a prevalent emotion for her today.

Earlier it had been of her times with Ron, back in Hogwarts, before the proposal. Now they were thoughts of her times with both Ron and Harry together at school.

They'd been close the three of them. The adventures they'd been on as young children, and the horrors they faced together as teenagers had bonded them in ways they'd not known were possible.

But no longer were they as close as before. They'd split it seemed down the middle in a way.

Hermione choosing Ron over Harry had put a strain on their friendship that shouldn't have been there, and it wouldn't have been if romantic feelings between Harry and Hermione didn't exist.

But they did.

So their friendship suffered, and would always suffer.

It was indefinent now.

Laying back into her bed, Hermione closed her eyes trying to banish the uncomfortable squirming within and tried to think of happier times that consisted of warm fires, comfy plush sofas, red and gold décor, and her best friends laughter.

* * *

><p><strong>an: hoped you liked it:) thanks for the reviews. they are my motivation and inspiration, even those that are a bit critical, but it's to be expected. anyway, thank you for any and all reviews. **

**as always let me know what you think!:)**


End file.
