1. Chapter 1

**Spoilers**: Major SEASON 4 spoilers, proceed no further if you do not want to be spoilt.

**Disclaimers**: I own no part of the Stargate world, I make no money from this endeavour. I only love this world so much I wish to play in it as much as I can and bend it to my Will.

**Note:** Now, I know this would NEVER happen, I know that. And I would never normally do such an 'obvious' kind of pairing fic, but this idea has stuck around and the questions of what the prospect of fatherhood would mean to John and his relationship with Teyla. Hey, this is what fanfic is all about, isn't it? Playing with the ideas.

-----

There are moments that are completely life-changing. In a single instance you are irrevocably changed by a simple new piece of knowledge. The way you personally view and understand the world is shattered from this knowledge, tearing apart all your dreams and hopes and security in the way you see reality. The odd thing about these moments is that they can arrive at the strangest and most innocent of moments. A phone call to tell you a loved one is injured, dead or missing. Or a revelation of the threats or even of love that is available for you, that until that moment you were completely unaware. Moments that alter your life forever. They can not be denied.

John would have expected to have had more of these moments considering the life he had lead thus far. Though, perhaps he had schooled himself to expect emotional moments. The battles and violence he had witnessed and he himself had been forced to do, he had had to 'toughen' up. To him any moment of any day could change his life. Carson's death had reminded him that there was no way to pretend to prepare for these real moments. Then Elizabeth was taken from them.

Then Teyla had told him of her pregnancy and it had changed his life once again. On reflection he had never expected such a seemingly innocent and important moment for her to be so big for him. But, it had been. He had known where he stood in the world and in his friend's lives. He had understood and felt a certain security in knowing Teyla was always in the city, that she was close, but not too close. But, her announcement had altered that. It had thrown up into the bright light of his consciousness what he had been denying himself. She had found someone and was expecting a child. And she had not told him.

He had been angry at her for hiding the truth from him, for allowing him to put her in harms way when she should have known better. He was angry at her for all the feelings that were suddenly swirling through him. And most of all he was furious that she had come along on this mission. Despite Colonel Carter's very logical order and Teyla's volunteering, he knew this was a bad idea. Deep down in his gut something felt wrong. Thinking back he would wonder if he had known that another one of those life shattering moments was out to get him and that his life would never ever be the same again.

-----

Teyla wrenched at the manacles that were clamped around her wrists. Struggling she managed to get her legs out from under her and press her boots against the wall beside where the manacles were attached. It was difficult with the baby's extra weight and mass, but she managed it. Taking a breath she pushed with her feet as hard as she could against the wall whist pulling the manacles and their chain away. After what felt too short a time she ran out of strength. Panting she dropped her feet back down to the floor. Carrying her child had reduced her strength and stamina somewhat and she silently cursed her weakness.

Outside the stone walls she could hear rustling and movement. Panic turned her to pull once again at the chains almost frantically now. As she struggled she knew she had not felt such panic before. For now, she had not only herself to protect but her unborn child. She could not fail him. She must protect the last Athosian, her own flesh and blood. Then in the far distance she thought she heard the glorious sound of gun fire. She knew they would find her.

A door slammed open to her right and she swung round to look up at the approaching figure. She had expected a Wraith, but she had not expected him to be here.

"Hello again, Teyla." He said from the shadows, the little light there was glinted off the sharp set of Wraith teeth.

"Michael." She gasped. Renewed panic filled her.

"Yes, Teyla. I have been waiting to see you." His tone was calm and unhurried, despite the gun fire approaching.

"What are you doing here? I thought the Wraith wanted nothing to do with you?" Teyla asked. If she could keep him talking, the guys could get to her.

Michael stepped up close to her, hunching down beside her, just out of arm's reach.

"Some of my kind have seen the value of my extraordinary skills. I have many who gather what I need." His alien eyes looked right into hers and she realised he was hinting at something.

"And what is it you need with me now?" She asked cautiously.

"I had not planned to capture you for a while, but my contacts informed me of your presence here and you were brought to me for study."

"Study?" Teyla spat out in disgust.

"Perhaps the phase should be 'ongoing study'. His eyes dropped to her enlarged belly. "Or perhaps 'experiment' would be more accurate.

He took in her surprised and worried look as he stood with an evil smile on his pale lips.

"What do you mean, Michael?" She asked tentatively.

"You and your people saw fit to experiment on me without my permission, I thought it would be fitting to do the same in return. And the Athosians are such an interesting race of humans."

Teyla stared up at him, anger quickly replaced fear and worry. "You!" She accused him. "What have you done with my people?"

Michael smiled once again as he leant back against the metallic table behind him. "I would have thought you would be more interested in what I did to you."

Teyla followed his eyes back down to her belly. "No. You had nothing to do with this child. It is my child."

"You are correct you are the mother of the child." He turned to the boxes on the table and began opening them, pulling out various Wraith devices. "I have always remembered you, Teyla, and your abilities. I wished to discover how many other of your people carried our genetic heritage."

"For your new creatures?" She asked. "Or did you want to be rid of the gene in my people for good?"

"No, Teyla. My wish is the same as all Wraith – the ability to control Ancient technology. Despite the centuries of study and experimentation, the Wraith have been unable to introduce the ancient 'gene' as you call it, into a living Wraith. You and your child could change this."

"I do not have the Ancient gene." Teyla replied. "And neither does my child."

Michael turned to her, a strange device in his hand. "Yes it does."

"You have had no influence on this child, Michael." She stated as calmly as she could.

Michael stepped closer and crouched down by her again. "I have had a great influence on this child, I created it."

A flush of heat and panic rushed through her. "You are lying. I know who the father of the child is, Michael and it is not you."

"Yes, that male Athosian. I do not remember his name. You shared his bed on your people's world of New Athos. He had brown hair and blue eyes and used to sleep very deeply."

"What did you do to him?"

"I made sure both of you were in an assisted deep sleep and then I had you taken to my ship. There I introduced the father's genetic material and you now carry the resulting child."

Teyla suddenly felt violently sick. "What did you do to me?"

Michael studied her closely. "I used the same technology the Wraith used before on your ancestors. A variation on the sweeping technology to remove genetic material from both humans, the fusion of that material is then sent within the female. It results in greater success, as the material is not manipulated and damaged. I took great care to not harm you or your future child. I want both of you to be strong and viable." He then activated the device in his hand and pointed it towards her belly.

"I do not believe you, Michael." She stated firmly. Outside came an explosion, her people were getting closer. She told him as such.

"Good. I do not wish to keep you here. It is better for you and the child to go back to Atlantis." The device made a few bleeps and he studied the readings. Teyla was curious despite herself. "You should be pleased. The child is strong and healthy." He looked up at her worried face. "And fully human, if that is what you are concerned about."

"You want me to be rescued?"

"Of course. The child needs human medical care, not Wraith. It will need to be older before both the Wraith and Ancient genes express themselves clearly. I am very patient, but I am sure I will look in on him."

Rapid gunfire could now be heard outside the room, but Michael still sat comfortably enough looking at her.

"I will not allow you to harm my child in anyway." She said.

"I do not want to harm him. That would ruin the experiment and there are so very few of you humans with the Wraith gene to use. I will wait to see if both genes are able to be expressed in him."

Teyla frowned up at him. "Kanan was not the father?" She said out loud without even realising. The loss of her former lover felt new once again and a deep ache appeared briefly in her chest.

"No." Michael replied with an odd smile.

And which point the door to the room burst open, a Wraith fell through hitting the floor amidst the falling pieces of the former door. Teyla looked round with such relief to see her friends stepping through. John stepped through first, his eyes latching onto Michael. Ronon came up quickly behind him and outside Teyla could see more personnel.

Michael stood up and faced John as he entered. "Look, Daddy's here."

Teyla looked back at Michael in shock. Surely it could not be?

"Michael." John snarled in greeting.

Michael ignored the weapons and aggression directed at him and looked down at Teyla. "No, Kanan is not the father. You have a strong expression of the Wraith genetic material and I required an equally strong example of the Ancient gene." Michael turned back to John. "Which I acquired from an ally of mine, who took samples from you whilst you were unconscious on his hive ship some time ago."

John realised Michael was now refereeing to him. "What are you talking about?"

Rodney had since entered the room, sliding up to Teyla, to try and help her out of her restraints. Michael held up what looked like an old fashioned key and offered it to Rodney. Rodney cautiously crept forward and snatched it out of his hand and set about freeing Teyla's wrists.

As she stood Teyla moved to stand near John. "I believe that it was Michael who took my people. He also claims to have…assisted in the conception of my child."

Michael smiled around his large pointed teeth.

"What?" John asked, his eyes briefly slipping away from Michael to her.

"Yes, Colonel Sheppard. You should thank me; you are going to be a father. Make sure you look after him for me." With that came a sudden blinding light of a Wraith sweeper and Michael was gone.

Bullets and a scattering of energy from stunners hit the wall behind where Michael had stood, but it was too late.

"Since when do sweepers work inside?" Ronon hollered.

"He must have altered one. If they have an exact location then perhaps…." Rodney began before John cut him off.

"Rodney!"

"Right, right." Rodney muttered.

John turned to Teyla. He looked her over, noting the slight redness to the skin of her wrists. "You okay?"

"I am fine, John." Teyla replied, smiling, but unwilling to look into his eyes for long. Could Michael have been speaking the truth?

John's eyes dropped to her stomach before he looked away quickly. "We need to get out of here."

--------

TBC?


	2. Chapter 2

**Spoilers**: Major SEASON 4 spoilers, proceed no further if you do not want to be spoilt.

**Disclaimers**: I own no part of the Stargate world, I make no money from this endeavour. I only love this world so much I wish to play in it as much as I can and bend it to my Will.

**Note:** Wow! Thank you all for the kind reviews. It's so nice to see so many people eager for JT. As I said I wouldn't normally have gone for such an 'obvious' set up for JT, thinking everyone else would have thought of this already, but I'm gonna see where the Muse takes me…

-----

He was lying. Her child was her own, of her own making.

The words became almost a mantra in her mind during the trip back to Atlantis. Teyla sat at the far end of the Jumper, sitting amongst the second team that had accompanied hers. Lorne sat up in her usual place in the front. She could not sit there right now. In fact just sitting here was too much. It would still be some time before they returned to Atlantis. Too long. She could not remember ever feeling like this before.

Inside she felt a complete mess of emotions. This alone bothered her. She was proud of the fact that she was a strong woman. Living as she had always under the threat of the Wraith, watching family members, friends and even children being taken by the Wraith, had toughened her up to the emotional shocks of life. She had had to accept, and move on. Put out the fires, consol those bereaved and rebuild. She had been so good at doing just that that she had become leader of her people. Standing as an example and ready to help any who may need her. Now, those skills threatened to abandon her.

He must have been lying. Her child was her own.

Her emotions did not appear to hear the mantra and her imagination had begun to create images of a mutated half Wraith baby growing within her. She could not help thinking of Michael's creatures. If he had created this child, what else had he done to it?

Her abilities had been so much stronger, was that because she carried a part Wraith child? What would that mean? Would it be evil like a Wraith, or a mutated creature of Michael's design? Memories of John's transformation several years ago also fled through her mind. Would the child be like that?

John. She looked up towards the front of the Jumper. She could only see the edge of his shoulder from where she sat. Kanan may not be the father of her child. More emotions threw into the mix.

It was too much. She needed to be back in Atlantis, get to Dr Keller and get some answers. She could not take anything Michael said as anything approaching truth. She rested her head back against the Jumper's bulkhead and closer her eyes and willed herself to calm. To be patient.

He must have been lying.

-------

He must have been lying. John thought to himself, before he caught himself thinking about what he had promised himself he wouldn't.

There was no point worrying about the ridiculous announcement of Michaels. They would get back to Atlantis and Dr Keller would give Teyla a clean bill of health, he was sure of it. Then perhaps he would gently and quietly bring up the other question. Right now, it was ridiculous to even think about it.

Why then was there a fine sweat on his brow and tickling his skin under his uniform? Surely it couldn't be true. What would Michael have to gain by telling such a lie? Maybe he was playing with their minds, some weird idea of payback for what they did to him, twice. And even if Michael did what he said, it may not have worked and the child Teyla carried was from her…time… with Kanan.

John shook his head to clear away the muddled and worried thoughts.

"You okay?" Ronon quietly asked from John's right.

"Fine." John replied casually. He kept his eyes fixed on the screen before him. He wanted to look back, see if she was alright, but didn't.

He knew what would be going through her mind. She was afraid that Michael may have manipulated her baby in some way. John was worried about the same and that perhaps Michael had used his own genes to create it. In a cruel and horrid way John felt like he would be in some way responsible for what such a mutated child would do to Teyla. He knew it was foolish, but it didn't make him feel it any less.

Her Wraith abilities had been so much stronger. Why that was so, was a question that had worried John for awhile and now he feared he may know the reason now. What if she carried a part Wraith child?

He shook his head again, he needed to push these worries aside and focus on getting all of them back to Atlantis safely, and Teyla to Dr Keller most of all.

-----

The Jumper door was still moving down when Teyla stepped down the ramp, jumping down to the ground impatiently before it touched the Jumper bay floor. She moved straight through the door and headed towards the stairs. The stairs slower her somewhat, as climbing them required more effort that usual in her present larger state. By the time she had reached the right level, John had caught up with her.

Neither said a word to each other, but Teyla could feel the tension emanating from him. And the concern.

Teyla strode into the Infirmary, found Dr Keller and immediately explained the situation to her. She did not care that half the infirmary could hear her, she needed answers now.

"All the scans I have done on you Teyla, show the baby to be very healthy." Dr Keller stated as she nudged Teyla towards a more private area of the Infirmary. John moved with them, but keeping slightly back.

"Is it possible that Michael may have affected my child on a genetic level that a scan would not show?" Teyla asked.

"It is possible. Even the Ancient scanner can not test the baby's genetic profile."

"How can we do that?" Teyla asked.

"We could take a sample of the baby's blood from its Umbilical cord, which would allow us to analyse its DNA. I would have to insert a needle into your stomach and it is not without risk to you or to the child."

"Maybe it would be best to wait till the baby is born then." John offered.

"No." Teyla replied sharply, looking briefly back at him. "If Michael has done something to my child I need to know. It could even be a security risk."

"Teyla, it's just a baby. You heard Dr Keller; the scans say he is perfectly healthy." John said gently. He could see her going back into that stubborn mood of hers, as she had done when she had refused to stop going on missions with the team. And look how that had nearly ended.

"You know what kind of creatures Michael is able to create. What if the child appears human for now, but next week begins to change into something else?" She turned back to Dr Keller. "I want to go ahead with the tests, Doctor. When can you begin?"

"I can do it now, if you like. I will look through the Ancient medical records first as there maybe some equipment around here that could help. Once we have the blood sample I should be able to get the results quite quickly." Her eyes slid briefly to John's. "I can also do a comparative analysis to try to identify paternity if you like."

John looked at Teyla, but she was already moving to the curtained off bed Dr Keller had indicated. "Yes, if you can." John uttered.

------

John had left once the test began. Teyla didn't need to hold his hand or anything, but he hated leaving. He felt as if he wasn't really involved, left hanging around on the periphery. Yet, he felt very involved. Even if the child wasn't his, it was still Teyla in there. He wanted to be there for her, to tell her everything would be alright. He knew the fear of mutation better than most, both to himself and through fighting Michael's creatures. The thought that Teyla may have to face the prospect of carrying something like that…it was too much.

So he went and did his paperwork. Anything to try and distract him until Dr Keller called him back.

In the end it had taken six hours until John stepped back into the Infirmary. Teyla had been sleeping, resting after the test and looked slightly more centred to John's eyes. He moved to the curtained area, nervous and looking for clues as to the result.

Teyla smiled sleepily up at him. "Dr Keller has yet to give me the results."

John didn't know what to make of that. Did that mean it was important for _him_ to be there, or was it to support Teyla for the bad news? Too many questions.

"You feeling okay?" He asked her as he stood beside the bed.

"Yes, though I am slightly uncomfortable after the procedure and I am to remain here to rest for another day."

"Probably a good idea anyway." He said, trying desperately to think of something else to say. "The guys say Hi. Rodney is busy coming up with ideas about new Wraith sweeper technology and Ronon is beating people up in the gym."

She smiled the first proper smile he had seen all day.

"It's gonna be fine, Teyla. We can't trust anything Michael says." He added softly. So much for staying off the subject.

"I know." She looked down, her face a mixture of emotions, all flowing over her features too quickly for him to identify.

Then Dr Keller stepped into the curtained area, pulling it closed behind her. John's eyes fell to the tablet resting on her forearm. Here we go.

Keller smiled down at Teyla. "The baby is fine, Teyla. He is a healthy and completely human baby. Though he also carries the same Wraith gene as you do."

Teyla let out a loud breath. "You are sure?" Her voice was finally relaxing and filled with relief.

Keller reached out and squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I double checked everything and had two technicians confirm my results as well. We checked for any abnormalities using both our systems and the Ancient scanner. The baby is fine and by all accounts, he should be a very healthy baby boy."

Teyla released another breath and hung her head down, her hand on her belly. "Thank the Ancestors."

John reached out and briefly squeezed her arm. "See I told you; nothing to worry about."

There was a pause before Dr Keller began speaking again. "One thing we did find though was that the baby _does_ appear to have the Ancient gene." Her eyes met John's over the bed and John's skin went cold. "So I compared the results with your DNA results on file, Colonel, and… you are the baby's biological father."

John had not expected this. "Are you absolutely sure?"

"I am 99.9 percent sure." She gave him a small smile. "Congratulations."

------

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Spoilers**: As I have said before ….Major SEASON 4 spoilers ahead and major AU fun.

**Disclaimers**: I own no part of the Stargate world, I make no money from this endeavour. I only love this world so much I wish to play in it as much as I can and bend it to my Will.

**Note:** I am sure some of these theories of John's life will be wrong by the time Outcast is shown, but right now they are still open to speculation. Thanks again for all the kind reviews. My Muse is really storming ahead at the mo!! I guess it's because Season 4 is so full of great character moments, they breed fanfic like crazy!!

----

The Mess Hall was dark and lonely, just as he had hoped. Pausing briefly at the small selection of food put out for any hungry night staff, he picked up a sandwich, poured himself a coffee and carried them off towards the large dark windows. Outside it was pitch black, and he did not care to turn on more than the already muted night lighting of the Mess Hall. He chose a table by the window, which normally would look out over a beautiful seascape, but it was too dark outside to see anything other than the rain falling against the glass. He sat down heavily and unwrapped the plain salad sandwich with pickle. Slowly he took one bite, enjoying the sharpness of the flavour in his mouth. Anything to break up the numbness and weariness he felt.

Munching slowly he studied the sandwich in his hands. He wasn't really all that hungry, but he had not eaten for hours and so he ate. His stomach seemed to greet the sandwich happily, but there was no real pleasure in the eating. He took another unhurried bite and chewed it slowly, cow like as he looked out at the falling rain outside.

He watched the water hitting the glass, watched it drip and slide down the window in tiny rivers. He enjoyed the sound of rain. It was soothing and it was especially enjoyable when you were protected from the wind and cold yourself. He remembered as a kid camping out in the family's back yard. He had sat under the tent, protected from the water, but able to enjoy the sound as the water hit the plastic above his head. He was out in the rain, but safe from it. A light smile touched his lips as he remembered his mum worrying about him out in the cold all night. He had insisted on cooking his own food over the tiny fire, usually unsuccessfully. And though he refused to let mum help, he always found a bag of sandwiches materialise in the tent whilst his back was turned. He would always eat them, but never said anything. Mum seemed happy enough to allow him the illusion of his self-sufficient camping trip.

John looked down at the sandwich in his hand and for the first time in a _long_ time he felt the pain of loosing his mother again. It had been long ago that she had died, but the grief felt as new as it had back then. Pulling his gaze away from the sandwich he worked to blink the sudden wetness from his eyes.

Despite his efforts, his father floated in beside memories of his mother. She would never have treated John as harshly as he had done, had she been alive. She had been the one to hold the family together, and without her it had fallen apart, and especially so for John. John did not like to think of his father. He did not like the man yet, as with all children, in truth he wished for his father's approval. John hated that part of himself. That childish part that had thought he could prove his strength and honour to his father by camping out in the back yard by himself. It was a childish wish, and despite John's denials over the years, he still wished his father would approve of him. But, he did not. He would never. As far as he was concerned he never had a son named John. The pain of abandonment moved through John tangling with the renewed grief. He was an adult and had been when his father had cast him out. John had joyfully turned his back on his father that day and had walked away; head held high. But, some part of him still wished things could have been different.

Only recently had John begun to understand what he had truly lacked from his father. In Atlantis he had made a new family, a family that loved him despite the mistakes he made and whom he loved, despite the mistakes they made. That was what family did. They did not throw out their children.

It was with the Athosians that John had really begun to see the true nature of what it meant to have a real father. Halling for example, had been a solid, strong, yet caring and loving father. The Athosian children were loved, protected and cherished and it made them only stronger for it. The Athosians had accepted him and John had enjoyed telling stories to the kids around a camp fire, enjoying a small part of their happy childhood. Once again John worried over their fate.

John's thoughts turned then to Kanan. A man he had never properly met, but had instinctively disliked. John knew he had no basis for that before and now regretted his dark thoughts towards the man. For if Kanan were alive, John was sure he would have been like his fellow Athosians; a strong, able and caring father.

Instead the child was stuck with him; a man who knew little of what it meant to be a father, having experienced so bad an example himself. How could he possibly be better than Kanan would have been? He couldn't even express the everyday emotions to those he cared for, how was he to care for a child? What if he made the same mistakes his father had made? What if it was in his nature to fail as his father had done? How could Teyla be happy with her child's father being a screw up?

He dropped the last of the sandwich onto the table, the reminder of his beloved mother too much now. She would have known what to say to him, to encourage him. She would have smuggled in supplies of sandwiches and loving words. Instead he sat alone.

------

Teyla stood in the dark shadows of the Mess Hall entrance and looked at the man who was the father of her child. He sat in the darkness, his eyes focused out through the window, but his thoughts obviously lost somewhere else. He looked strangely sad and alone to her, two emotions she did not normally associate with John Sheppard. But, then it was not everyday a man learnt he was the father of a child that he had had no part in creating.

She had wanted to speak to him, but now she was afraid to interrupt him. He looked lost and worried. She felt partly responsible for the trauma he was going through. And perhaps she was a little scared that he may tell her he did not want the child to be his.

So, she turned and left him to his deep thoughts, hoping that he would find his way back from them.

She walked slowly back to her quarters. The hallways of the city were quiet and dark. The silence was relaxing and she slowed her steps. Her hand slid once again over her growing belly and she thanked the Ancestors once again that her child was safe and well. As she circled her hand over her stomach the baby shifted and she smiled with delight down at the subtly changing shape of her belly. Her child was safe.

Though the details of her child's heritage had changed, in truth nothing had really changed for her. The child was still hers and she cherished once again its arrival in her life. She had expected to bring up a child mostly by herself and had planned to tell him all about his lost father; Kanan. But, she could not help but be pleased that her child would have a living breathing father. Kanan, if he was alive some where, would have made a wonderful father and she mourned briefly the loss of a child that had never existed; hers and Kanan's. The child was John's.

What had surprised her the most upon hearing the news was how right it had felt. If she was honest with herself, deep down she had known something was different about this child. Her increased abilities; the link to her son's mind as she had faced the Wraith Queen; and some strange instinctive knowledge that this child was _special_ somehow. She had assumed all mothers felt that way about their children, and so they should. However, now things were different. Now she knew that her child was indeed different, special and perhaps the first of his kind; a child with both the Wraith and Ancient genes. It would make him a target though, she realised. Michael was still out there, waiting for her son to be born, to grow. When would he return? What if other Wraith learnt of her son's existence?

She paused just outside her quarters. It did no good to dwell on these fearful thoughts. Regardless of his genetic inheritance, the baby was still her son. She needed to be a strong and confident mother for him. As her parents had done for her – she would not allow fear to rule his life. She would be as strong and loving a mother as she could.

As she stepped into the sanctuary of her quarters, the smell of Athos filling the air from the candles and incense, she promised herself she would not push John in anyway into accepting this child. It would be up to him if he wanted to be involved with the baby once he was born or not. And if he did not; her and her son would be fine alone.

Yes, she would speak to John tomorrow of this and make it clear that he bared no responsibility for this child, perhaps then the shadow of fear and confusion would lift from John's face.

-------

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Spoilers**: As I have said before ….Major SEASON 4 spoilers ahead and AU angst.

**Disclaimers**: I own no part of the Stargate world, I make no money from this endeavour. I only love this world so much I wish to play in it as much as I can and bend it to my Will in my own unique twisted way.

----

John had woken early, pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt and headed for the Mess Hall. He hurried there, embarrassed to admit even to himself that he didn't want to run into Teyla. After a long night of brooding and struggling with old ghosts and new, he was no closer to understanding how he felt about his new status as an impending father. He knew instinctively that Teyla would track him down today for 'The discussion'. So he had escaped the privacy of his quarters and headed to the busy Mess Hall. It was nice at least to have a couple of days off; if there ever was really a true day off in Atlantis for him.

He selected his breakfast and headed towards the quieter end of the Hall, and without realising it sitting down at the same table at which he had sat last night. He placed his tray down in front of him, slid into a chair and looked up to find Teyla looking down at him, her own tray in her hand. So much for escaping.

"Teyla." He said, more in surprise than greeting.

"May I join you, John?" She asked.

"Of course." He waved at the chair opposite him and watched as she carefully settled down into the seat. John watched the bump disappear under the table and worked to control the rising panic that threatened to have him up and running out of the room. Instead he looked up at her as she settled her tray opposite his and smiled politely up at him. He smiled politely back.

And so they sat, neither eating, neither speaking. John tried to think of something to say to break the overwhelming sense of the tension in the air. He wasn't used to this; Teyla was always relaxing pleasant company. He looked over at her, taking in once again her growing pregnant form. His eyes were drawn to the top of the bump that he could see over the table. Her child was growing in there. His child. The thought still didn't quite compute yet and he had no idea how to behave with her.

It was one of the most bizarre situations John had been subjected to, and he had seen quite a few of the strange and unusual. It had taken him ages to get used to the fact that she was pregnant, in truth he still wasn't used to it. Each day when he met her he was shocked and surprised to see her new pregnant shape. It was as if some part of his mind was in complete denial of the fact. Now, it was even stranger for him to comprehend. The child she carried was his, and one in which he had played no part in creating. That issue caught his thoughts oddly and he quickly pushed that thought away. There were plenty of other confused emotions to address right now.

She cleared her throat, about to break the silence and tension between them. He looked up expectantly and they shared a quick embarrassed smile at their behaviour. That release helped somewhat. But, John quickly looked away from her beautiful face. She looked so composed and strong, whilst he was struggling to say the least.

"I know this is a strange situation." She began. "I cannot begin to understand what this must be like for you, John. You had no choice in any of this and I am sorry." She offered.

He smiled thinly at her and looked down at his tray of untouched food. Unlike last night the Mess Hall was now bright, full of people and life. But, the emotions and memories flushed out into his consciousness last night still lingered in him.

"I want you to know that you do not have to claim this child in any way, John." She said carefully.

Her words snapped through his worries. "What?" He looked up at her in confusion. Was she suggesting he would deny the child as his?

"I mean to say, that you have to play no role in his life if you choose."

He frowned at her. "You don't want me to play a role in his life?" In a sharp and painful moment he really saw himself becoming his father; denying his own flesh and blood. How could Teyla possibly want that? Would she deny his worth as well?

"No. No. John that is not what I meant." She reached over the small distance between them and covered one of his hands with her own. Her hand was warm and alive against his skin. "I merely wished to express to you that you are free to choose how involved in his life you want to be. You had no choice in any of this."

"And you did?" He asked, angry for some reason. She looked away at that.

"I believed my child was conceived naturally, and even though I now know differently it does not change my acceptance and love for my child. It is different for you and I understand this must be difficult."

He felt oddly more annoyed that she was giving him an obvious out. "I can't say that it hasn't been a major shock for me, Teyla. I'm not what you would consider the best father material…"

"You would be an excellent father, John." She interrupted him. He looked at her and found her frowning with determination at him. She didn't understand.

"Teyla, there is much I haven't told you about my family." He sat back, pulling his hand out from under hers and crossing his arms over his chest. "I didn't exactly have the best father myself; in fact he made it clear he wanted nothing more to do with me. He threw me out of his life and his family."

Her shocked and pitying expression was no help against the swell of childhood emotions settling in his chest. There, he had told her. Even his family had thought him a screw up.

"I have no idea how to be a father, Teyla. In fact for the most part of my life I have ruined everything I touched." He confessed in a rush. Why was it she always had this ability to get him to speak so honestly?

"Including your time here on Atlantis?" She asked.

"Well, no. Here things have been…pretty good. If you discount waking the Wraith." He admitted, hearing the old self-recrimination in his tone.

Teyla leant forward across the table as far as her enlarged stomach would allow. "I would say, John that you are in fact highly regarded here. You have done more than most in the fight against the darkness of this galaxy. You are an excellent leader and will be an equally excellent father."

"Teyla…" He started.

"Do you think I know how to be a mother? I have no idea. I have spent my whole life leading, trading and fighting. I have no experience of being a mother and my own was taken by the Wraith when I was very young."

He saw the worry clearly in her face then, her own self doubt. "You will make a brilliant mum, Teyla." He said with confidence.

"And you will be a brilliant father, John." She replied.

He took in her words. She had faith in him and that alone gave him the strength to consider that he may indeed be able to take on this new responsibility. He had fought against those who had called him a screw up and he had proven them all wrong. He was going to be a father and it was time he stopped feeling so sorry for himself. He _had_ to try to be the best father he could be. He couldn't let her or the child down.

"As I said, you do not have to be involved in the child's life, John." She said carefully, still offering him an escape route. It was one he never would have even considered.

He noticed then how nervous she looked. Anyone who didn't know her so well might have missed it, hidden beneath her confident calm exterior. But, he saw it. She was worried about his answer. She had been through enough lately with losing her people, then learning of Michael's involvement in her pregnancy and now she had to deal with the neurotic new father of her child.

He leant his forearms back onto the table, outlining the tray of still untouched breakfast. "Teyla, regardless as to how this child came into existence, it is still my child and I would like to be in his life."

Teyla nodded slowly and a large smile spread across her lips. He smiled with her meeting her eyes and saw the subtle nervous signs disappear from her body language.

And so 'The Discussion' went; quickly and in the Mess Hall. He supposed nothing about this situation had been normal, why should that change now. He had worried all night over this conversation and it was over, but as he turned his attention to his breakfast he realised that he felt no less confused. Deep inside the feelings he had allowed out last night were free. He glanced up at Teyla, a frown on his lips, and he couldn't help but think that things were only going to get more emotional from here on out.

She looked up and they shared another gentle smile and he decided that if he were going to survive this new shift in his life, he was going to have to ignore some of the more intense feelings.

Right now, he could ignore them all and attempt to return to as much normalcy as he could with Teyla.

"So," he began as he reached for his knife and fork, "I hear Rodney embarrassed himself with one of the new lab technicians."

-------------

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

--

John stood to the back of the control room and studied the latest report of the clean up from their encounter with Michael. Michael had been very careful not to leave much behind, but there were a few of his experiments left that some of the eggheads were intrigued over. John had spent one day off duty, but had grown bored very quickly with no one around to entertain him beyond a few DVDs. And spending time with Teyla was not what he would call relaxing at present, so here he was reading up on reports. Colonel Carter had glared at him when she had briefly passed through the room on the way to her office, but she hadn't said anything to make him leave. He was in his civvies, so he didn't think it really counted that he was working.

He had attended the first of his mandatory sessions with the City's new shrink, and he hadn't enjoyed a moment of it. He had told the stern looking woman that he had talked with Teyla and everything was okay. She hadn't looked convinced; hell he wasn't convinced. Things were far from fine. So getting back to work was the best thing he could do right now.

John became aware that someone was approaching him and he looked up to see Rodney moving in, his hands in his pockets and a cautious look on his face. John hadn't actually spent more than five minutes with Rodney since the news, as the scientist had been among the number to study Michael's experiments off world.

"So….umm." Rodney began in a hushed voice. John almost smiled, but he didn't instead keeping the poker face in place, so as to make Rodney skirm a bit. He needed all the distractions and amusement he could.

"So…." Rodney tried again. "Teyla's having a baby." John gave him an incredulous look in return. "Well, I mean, obviously she is, but that it's yours is… new." Rodney stumbled to the end looking rather sheepish.

"Yep." John replied and returned to the report. He felt oddly grateful to his friend, he obviously wanted to be helpful and supportive, but was completely unsure how to go about it. Silence descended between them and John let it run on as long as he could before he began to feel sorry for Rodney. "You had lunch yet?"

Rodney looked relieved. "No. I haven't. I've just got to finish up in my lab and I can meet you there?"

John nodded and watched as Rodney scurried away. Another emotional conversation nicely avoided. Then he noticed Teyla climbing up the steps towards the control room.

Once again the emotions all piled up to be heard and acknowledged. First was the shock, still very much in charge, that she was pregnant and with his child. Second came the whole new sensation of extreme worry and protectiveness that had appeared from nowhere over the past day and a half. As he watched her now climbing the familiar and sturdy staircase he felt the overwhelming urge to rush over to her, take her arm and make sure she didn't slip over.

He had irritated her yesterday by asking if she was alright and if she needed anything about twenty times before she pointed out that she was fine sitting in the Mess Hall and did not need a drink, food or a pillow. He had stopped asking, but it didn't stop him thinking about it though.

She reached the top of the stairs now and paused to talk to Rodney. Annoyance at Rodney flared to life; why did they have to talk so close to the top of the stairs? What if she stepped backwards? What if something happened that might make her lose her footing? Several different apocalyptic scenarios played out in his mind all of which resulted in her being hurt simply standing there outside the control room by the staircase. He knew it was irrational and probably normal for fathers, but Teyla was hardly someone who needed to be treated with such kid gloves. And he wasn't used to feeling such intense feelings like this. He had thought he was being protective of her several months ago when he took her off active duty; that was nothing compared to the gut wrenching need to take care of her now. But, he suppressed it all. He hadn't gone to her quarters last night when he had woken at midnight to see if she was alright. Instead he had lain there and worried over it all by himself.

So now, he made himself look away before he got grumpy about it, and would probably snap at Rodney over lunch. It wasn't his fault, it was all John. After re-reading a paragraph in the report five times without really taking any of it in, he looked back up and saw Teyla was now in the control room and talking with Major Lorne.

John's eyes dropped to the bump. She was standing in profile to him and the outline of her enlarged body was very clear. He knew there was a child inside her, his child, but it was still a rather bizarre premise and he was having difficulty coming to terms with the fact. Keller had told him that the child was healthy and growing well, but right now all he could see was Teyla's swollen stomach. He had once touched her belly when the child had first properly kicked; an experience which had been fascinating at the time, but now took on a whole new dimension for him. It had been his son that had kicked out from within her. Other than that one time he had had no direct contact with Teyla's pregnant form, other than when she had hugged him once, but he had kept back from pulling her tightly to him for fear of crushing her belly.

He felt detached and removed from the whole situation. Not only had he not been involved in the conception of his child, but he was completely removed from the pregnancy. An outsider, watching from a distance. Perhaps that was why he was feeling so very protective of her. He had worried about her long before he had discovered the child was his, but now it was so much more personal. And in a strange and completely absurd way he felt somehow responsible for any difficulties she may experience from the pregnancy.

He studied her from across the room, peering over the top of the report. He traced the line of her stomach and was convinced she looked larger than she had yesterday. His child was in there….it was such a bizarre thought. Especially as all he could see was her rounded shape, leaving his imagination to fill in the image of what the baby may look like. He had seen pictures of babies in the womb on the tv before, and had looked through the computer database last night to see for himself what the baby may look like at this stage in its development. But, it was all so abstract and so distant from him. As he was now, standing across the room watching from a distance.

He felt oddly useless and that was not something he was used to feeling. And he felt oddly rejected and he couldn't really understand why. It wasn't like Teyla was ignoring him or anything; in fact she had been open and honest with him about it all.

She turned towards him now, looking across the room at him. He looked up from the bump to her face, embarrassed at being caught staring at her belly. She gave him a soft enquiring smile and he smiled as best as he could before turning back to the report.

She had caught him looking at her several times today and he hoped she wasn't taking offense. He would just have to come to terms with all these confusing thoughts by himself and hope things would settle down. It was important to keep things as normal as possible and not show how much all this was affecting him. Teyla was the one having to carry around that heavy belly, deal with food cravings (which he had learnt were many and varied), and the prospect of labour in the future. The last thing she needed was him being difficult and awkward. He needed to pull himself together.

--

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Teyla strolled down the darkened corridors, contented and full from her late night impromptu snack. So often lately her appetite led her to eat more regularly and with strange cravings that she could do nothing but obey. Tonight she had needed a large bowl of dry Earth crackers smothered in blackberry jam. It had been most satisfying. So now she wandered back to her quarters, surreptitiously licking the remaining jam off her fingers when she was confident no one was looking. She could not help but laugh at herself and the demands pregnancy placed on her. She was well aware that in another month life would be more difficult as she put on even more weight, so she had decided to enjoy what she could right now.

She rounded the last corner towards her quarters to see John standing outside her door, or rather pacing; one hand rubbing the back of his neck. She had seen him staring at her several times over the past days and had understood that he was finding things difficult coming to terms with his new status of impending fatherhood. She felt very sorry for him, but at the same time she could not ignore the selfish part of her that was thoroughly enjoying the fact that he was the child's father. There would be a father around for her son, a man she respected and cared for above all others. Before she had felt so very isolated in carrying her child, now she was no longer alone. Though it was obvious that John was having some difficulty adapting to this new change, she intended to help him as much as she could.

"John?" She called out quietly, not wanting to startle him; she was unsuccessful. He leapt away shocked looking around at her his eyes wide and embarrassed.

"Teyla, hey. I was just….. I was passing and thought….." He stuttered out, obviously nervous and his words drifted off. He frowned and shook his head, running one hand through his hair. He took a deep breath and started again. "I didn't want to disturb you if you were sleeping…"

"I went to the Mess Hall." She informed him as she neared her door and him.

He looked at her with an amused smile. "What was tonight's craving of choice then?"

She smiled as she waved her hand over the door sensor and the doors parted before her. "Crackers with blackberry jam."

"Oooo, nice. I would have joined you for that one." He responded.

She stepped into her room, pausing to wave him into her space. "Come in, John."

He stepped in rather cautiously, his eyes dancing around the room as the doors slid shut behind him. "I don't want to disturb you, you're probably tired."

Teyla pulled the thick blanket from her bed and wrapped it around her shoulders to keep the night's light chill away. "I need to allow time to digest the crackers." She turned and reached out for her desk chair, pulling it out for him to sit down on. He jumped forward, his hands grasping the back of the chair his fingers covering hers as he took over moving the chair. She tried not to smile at him; as if moving such a light object would be difficult for her or any threat to her pregnancy. She took a seat on her bed, pulling her legs up crossing them under her, as she did she noticed John's impressed look.

"Didn't know you could still sit like that." He commented.

"I probably will not be able to for much longer." She replied, pulling out a small packet of crackers from her pocket. John smiled as she offered him one.

"What no jam hidden in another pocket?" He teased as he took the cracker. "You're going to be huge if you keep eating like this."

Teyla didn't take offense, she had thought similar thoughts. "I am supposed to in my condition." She replied, echoing one of Rodney's standard comments regarding her pregnancy.

John smiled, but it was forced. Silence fell between them. John broke the cracker in half, sending crumbs falling to the floor in front of him. She watched him wince and try to sweep the crumbs aside with his boot, before looking up sheepishly at her. She only smiled benignly at him, suddenly filled with such affection for him.

He dropped his gaze to her stomach, but then quickly away to the broken cracker in his hands. She watched slightly amused as he eyes jumped back to her belly and away again. She did not know how to help him with this situation she realised. She watched as his eyes turned back to her belly yet again. Well, perhaps there was one thing she could do.

She held out her empty hand towards him, palm upwards. "Give me your hand, John."

He looked up at her, confused.

She waved her hand towards him beckoning him towards her. "Your hand."

He frowned but extended his hand to hers. His warm larger palm slid over hers, the sensation immediately enlivening and powerful, but she did not want to dwell on that. She pulled gently on his hand, and he leant forward towards her as she turned his hand over and placed it on her belly, as she had done once before.

She could feel the tension in his arm and in his hand under hers, and in the worried expression on his face.

"It is alright, John. He is your son too." She said softly.

That seemed to help, but he still looked up at her with tension in his eyes mixed with an emotion she could not identify. Then the baby kicked, directly under his hand. Both of them looked down and John gasped.

"He's so much stronger." He whispered.

Teyla nodded. "He often reminds me of this fact late at night."

John looked up from his hand and smiled, relaxing finally. He flattened his hand further against her bump, his eyes assessing her; questioning and checking what he was doing was okay with her. Teyla only smiled and nodded at him. Their son kicked again and John moved his hand slightly towards the movement, as if sensing through his palm. Teyla watched him with pleasure as he waited for another movement. It did not take long.

"That felt like a foot!" He said in wonderment. "That must feel strange to you." He said his voice soft and reverent.

"He will most likely kick over here now." She indicated the other side of her stomach and sure enough they both saw her t-shirt move. John laughed lightly and swiftly moved his hand to that place. He pulled his chair closer to her bed, so he could sit more comfortably. Together they waited. Teyla felt the waves of movement within her, deeper now.

"He is moving round." She commented and without thinking pulled the bottom of her shirt up enough to expose her swollen belly. After a beat she watched her skin shift as the baby turned. John kept his hand away now, perhaps unwilling to touch her bare skin. Teyla looked up to see him watching her stomach with wide eyes.

"Does it hurt?" He asked. She wasn't entirely sure if he was asking about the kicking, or her enlarged belly. There was an odd undertone to his question; one of deep concern and worry.

"No. It is very enjoyable to feel him grow and move. Though, I will admit when he decides to turn somersaults whilst I am trying to fall asleep it is less enjoyable."

John looked up at her. "It's probably all the late night snacking."

She laughed and dropped her shirt back down, tonight's somersaults apparently over for now. John's gaze dropped as she did and she fancied she saw a look of disappointment pass over his features.

"When I said to you that you could be as involved in his life as much as you wish, I had not considered how you may feel until he is born." She confessed quietly, watching John's expression, looking for insight.

He sat back and began munching on the cracker pieces. "I'm still adjusting. I'm sorry about…you know…staring at you lately." He dropped his focus to breaking up the last piece of cracker into smaller pieces.

"I do not mind. Would you like to come with me to my scan tomorrow?"

He looked up, pleasure evident in his eyes. "Really?"

She smiled at his eagerness. "Of course. As I said; he is your son as well as mine."

John looked back down at her stomach and then back up at her. Their eyes met both smiling, but then something else came into play. A spark of something unspoken and both looked away pretending interest in something else.

Teyla rubbed her hand over her belly once more, delighting in the new change of circumstances once again; her son had a living breathing father. And it was John.

"Will you promise me something?" John suddenly asked.

She looked up enquiringly, to see a very serious look on his face.

"If you need anything; any help or any….snacks in the middle of the night, or help moving around…anything, that you will ask for help."

She understood slightly more then; that he was concerned for her and he wanted to help her. She was moved by the thought. "If I need help I will ask…I will ask you if you are around."

He smiled. "Good. Because I know how you can be." He said teasingly.

She took the bait. "What do you mean?"

"Got to do everything by yourself; be the strong independent woman."

"Are you saying I am not that?"

"I am saying that you are, but _in your condition_ to quote Rodney, there will be things that you may need help with now. You need to think of Junior now." He indicated her stomach with the last piece of his cracker.

"I promise I will ask for help if I require it, John."

He frowned rather doubtfully at her for a minute or so. "Okay." He said eventually. "I worry about you is all." He appeared embarrassed by his quick words.

It was nice to be worried over she realised. To have John thinking about her. "Thank you, John. I will take good care of our son."

_Our son_. Emotions that she dared not press into danced through her heart. She and John were bound together now in a primitive and powerful way; they would be parents together. Though it was a pleasant thought, Teyla could not help feeling a moment of regret; for he was essentially forced into this new relationship with her. She watched him now as he picked the last crumbs of the cracker from his lap, his eyes returning to her swollen belly again. He was forever bound to her and her son, what would that mean for him? What would it mean for their future? Would he one day wish to return to his home galaxy, perhaps marry a woman from Earth?

Teyla was used to planning and making decisions for her and her people's future, but this situation was different. He had been affected by her and by Michael's actions. Michael had changed the course of John's life as well as her own. She regretted for a moment the freedom that John had lost and she felt oddly responsible.

But she could do nothing to change the destiny that had been thrust upon her and John, and she would not wish away her precious son. If John one day had to leave, or chose to leave, then so be it. For now she would enjoy the new small family that they had become, be it through circumstance rather than choice.

--

TBC


End file.
