Harry Potter 1. where it all began

-Disclaimer: Anything you recognize as J.K.Rowlings is hers, the plot if there is one is mine along with any characters or anything you don't recognize is mine. Enjoy!

-Summary: Lily is abused lonely, friendless, quiet, solitude. She lives in a world not quite reality and she is slowly drowning to the point where she will never be able to return.

-Title: Black Roses Red!

* * *

Lily slammed against the wall with a loud crash and a gasp of pain as the wind was knocked out of her lungs. It was instantly replaced with a bone feeling pain that seemed to pierce the heart like a thousand needles. She was having a hard time breathing in and out and was very close to that line between the darkness and the light. She would know, she had been there so many times. No tears leaked through her eyes they usually didn't come till the day or two after she was beaten. Her father approached her and loomed above her looking down at her almost as bad as the purebloods did to her at school. She was used to it; she had been beaten by her father since she was ten. Her mother had left that same year, never to look back and never to think about taking her daughters with her.

"Goodnight my darling." Her father said in a mocking voice.

"Good night father." She said a small smile just being able to pass her lips as she was hit hard and fast and she crossed the line into the darkness.

Lily woke up to the pain that had been her companion for the last six years. From experience she slowly, very, very slowly sat up and found that the world didn't spin as much like it did when she tried to rush it. She looked at herself in the mirror to asses the damage and it was not a pretty sight that greeted her. In the mirror she saw a pale sixteen year old with red hair and green eyes, that weren't emotionless instead they seemed to be glazed as if she was in a far away place that only she could see.

The left side of her face was one of those new kind of bruised faces. It was all dark an purple, in a day or two the green and yellow colors would begin to show and her face would look like a girl from one of the horror movies that was always hideously beaten up. Her ribs she could tell were only bruised, and by softly feeling around she felt around carefully to find that there were no breaks or even fractures, she had been lucky this time. That's when she saw her fingers; two of them on her left hand were going out in the wrong angle. Luckily she was in a numb period not being able to feel anything.

Her wrist was sprained, and she probably had close to a thousand bruises on her body. She looked out her window to see that the sun had just gone down. Carefully she stood to find that she still had her balance and the stage of being nauseous either hadn't heard her or wasn't going to be coming at all. She grabbed a small black backpack and careful of the bruises on her back she placed it on her back and slowly made her way down the stairs and out the door. Her father wouldn't be home for a few hours, and even then he wouldn't notice her absence. She usually disappeared for a day or two after she was beaten, he had learned to wait, and no matter how many times he hit her she always came back for several different reasons.

She walked downtown to a small little drugstore, she was a regular costumer there. She immediately went to isle four and picked up some gauze, some bandages, and some medical tape then walked to the counter with her bag. The man who worked there looked at her with pity written all over his features. He probably would have gone to the cops but in the off chance that she was in a gang he didn't. She paid him and then stepped out into the air and breathed in deeply. She could smell the rain and it lifted her spirits a little. She loved the rain, it was something she always looked forward to.

She stepped into the street lamp and waited for a while until she saw someone that could help her. She raised her eyebrows as she saw three guys begin to walk down the street having just come out of a club. It was none other then the marauders from Hogwarts. They walked to her and just as they were about to pass Lily called out.

"A little help please?" She asked quietly, they jumped having not seen her, even though she was standing out in the muddle of a street lamp. When they got a good look at her they took a step back in astonishment, Lily who was used to this ignored it.

"What happened to you?" Sirius said, they didn't even realize that she went to the same school as they did, but she didn't care, she didn't like to be noticed.

"Can you help?" She said ignoring the question.

"Do you need to get to the Hospital?" Remus said looking around ready to get a cab.

"Not really I just need you to hold this." She motioned to the bag she was holding in her arms. James cautiously took it and peeked into it. It held the things she had just bought. "Could you get out one of the bandages and the tape?" And then to the horror of the boys she gripped the two broken fingers and proceeded to crack it into place. She scrunched her face up in the wash of pain but made no sound, and did it to the second.

Sirius looked as if he was going to faint, Remus was even paler then usual and James looked sickened. She took the bandage with her good arm and began to wrap it around her fingers tight grimacing in the pain, and then took the tape and secured it. She then took another bandage and wrapped her wrist tight, then taking a gauze she carefully and gingerly wiped at the cut that had dried blood encrusted over it then taking some more tape, she carefully taped it over it. She had found that head cuts tended to have a tendency to open back up and begin to bleed at the most inappropriate of times. She took the bag back from James and then began walking away.

"Thanks." And that was all she said. They looked back at her a little stunned not knowing what to do.

"Wait a second you're in some pretty bad shape shouldn't you like I don't know go to the hospital?" James said in an actual concerned look on his face.

"No I'm good." She said quietly.

Just then a girl walked up to Lily and gingerly grabbed her face. Lily unconsciously turned her head to help, she knew that touch it belonged to I suppose you could call them friends, her name being Morgan. The only thing that really connected them was that they were both abused and could help each other in the times of need.

"C'mon let's go get you fixed up." She began to drag Lily away much to the amazement of the boys.

"Wait a second at least tell us your name." Remus called out hoping that if he had a name there might be something he could do.

She turned and looked at him with her unnerving eyes and smiled a faded looking smile, one that held no meaning. "What's in a name, a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet." She said and then walked away with Morgan leaving behind two confused boy, but all of them still looking concerned.

"She looked really familiar." Sirius said staring at the back of the figure until she had turned the corner.

"Yeah I know what you mean, and I wonder what really happened to her." Remus added.

"Well I suppose that there's nothing else that we can do. Come on we gotta get back to my house or my parents will kill us." And with one last look at the corner she had turned they headed back to James's house.

* * *

Morgan sat Lily down on the extra cot she had and began to gently spread ointment down over the bruises. The two had helped each other for three years now and barley needed words to talk to each other. Both were broken and both were hurting inside. It was one of the reasons they got along well. They both went back to the houses they were hurt at, and not because they thought the person would change their minds, no they had given that dream up ago so very long ago. No they went back now to know that they could still feel. The pain seemed to keep them alive. They didn't fear death as so many others in the world did, not they feared not longer being able to feel anything to not have any emotions at all.

When they were struck down, when they were ripped at physically and mentally, it actually gave them confidence no matter what it made them feel. It told them that they could still feel, that they were still alive.

"You got a little bit luckier today." Morgan said quietly as she redid the bandage on the head. On the trip to the apartment it had opened up like Lily had feared and had bled through the bandages.

"Yeah I guess so, nothing broken except the fingers." Lily replied back just as quiet as Morgan was.

Morgan went to the academy of Witched in Switzerland while of course Lily went to Hogwarts. They talked by letters and always met the first day back. It was a weird friendship but an actual one.

"When do you plan on going back?"

"Tomorrow, I still have to pack, and I know he's going to want to hit me one more time. If I don't go back tomorrow, he'd lock my things up."

Morgan nodded. "I'm going back tomorrow to."

Morgan's cousin let them use this room anytime they wanted for free since he owned the building. It was there haven for when they wanted it.

"I'm gonna crash." Lily said as soon as Morgan had finished and both slowly went into a deep sleep."

* * *

Lily looked up at the train with a lot more bruises and cuts then she had two days ago. Her father had given her a coming home gift, she now had two more broken fingers on her right hand instead of her left. She had fixed them up, with the help of Morgan, who also had sported a bruise. She was glanced at all around the parents looking shocked the students looking shocked others though ignoring it having seen Lily beaten up with bruises a lot that they were in a way used to it. She carefully climbed up on the train and walked all the way to the next to last compartment knowing that the last one was always claimed as the marauders.

She drifted off to sleep as soon as the train began she hadn't really slept last night the nausea had came with this beating and it was highly uncomfortable trying to find position what didn't' hurt. While asleep several people opened the cabin, but upon seeing it occupied, and by Lily no less they quietly shut it and moved back up the line. James Sirius and Remus though didn't bother to look they just went to their cabinet and walked in it knowing that no one went to the last compartment.

The train was about three fourths of the way to Hogwarts When Sirius announced that he would now be going down the entire train looking for an eligible girlfriend, much to the amusement of the other two, knowing that he would more then likely at least get slapped one. They told him this aloud, making him sniff in indignation and walk out the door with his nose in the air, followed by the loud laughter from James and Remus. Once the door was shut though he shrugged his shoulder rubbed his hands together eagerly and opened the door right behind there his mouth open and ready to make an offer if there was a cute girl in there when he immediately closed it in shock at the figure of the sleeping Lily in front of him.

He quickly shut it and backed out closing the door quietly behind him then went back to the compartment.

"Found on already?" James asked as he entered.

"No but I think you had better come and look at this!"

Sirius looked grim and they looked suddenly concerned, there were not many things in this world that could make Sirius look grim, and when they did it was usually extremely serious. They walked out with him and he put his finger to his lips and quietly opened the compartment boys and James and Remus looked in shock too at the still sleeping Lily.

"It's that girl we saw the other night, but look she's got more broken fingers and a lot more bruises then I saw the other night." Sirius said and then looked at the two. "What are we supposed to do?"

"I'm not sure, is she alive?" James asked as they quietly walked forward and all unconsciously relaxed as they saw Lily breathe in and out.

"I knew I recognized her, but I still can't quite remember her name. Should we send a letter on ahead of us to tell the nurse?" Remus asked not coming up with any other ideas.

Before either Sirius or James could answer Lily stirred and slowly peeled open her eyes to be greeted with the faces of the three boys. She looked at them not quite comprehending what she was seeing then she slowly sat up. She was still having the feeling that she could throw up so she had to do it slowly.

"Can I help you?" She asked slowly.

"You're the girl from the other night aren't you?" Remus asked wanting to make sure.

"Yes."

"Do you want us to send a note ahead of us so the nurse could meet you at the station?" James asked.

"No, that's quite alright, I'm perfectly fine." She said in her soft spoken voice.

"No offense but you don't look all right."

Lily glanced out the window instead of answering her eyes still looking glazed. She could see the scenery fly by and knew that they were getting closer. Another twenty minutes and they would probably be there.

"Well, how long have you been at Hogwarts." Remus asked trying to get away from the silence.

"This will be my sixth year."

"Sixth!" Sirius said stunned, he would only have thought she'd be in third maybe fourth.

"Yes, my sixth."

"Well what house do you belong to?"

"Gryffindor, same as you." She said still staring at the window.

"Really, I can't remember every seeing you."

"That's okay not many people do."

"What's your name?" Remus asked. "And no Shakespeare though."

Lily smiled at him. "Do you know what they called Joan of Arc?" She asked.

James and Sirius gave blank looks but Remus pondered it. "Well let's see there's the maid of Orleans." Lily shook her head no and Remus pondered some more. "They Lily Maid."

"There's your answer!" She said calmly.

"Lily?"

Lily nodded her head and then she saw Hogwarts approaching fast. And with one last smile she got up grabbed a small bag and walked out leaving the three boys to once again stare at her retreating back.

* * *

A/N- Hey I hope you like this story, if you don't please state so, no flames. If enough people like it I'll continue it, if not I'll just delete it. Thanx for at least checking it out.

-Maddie.


	2. anne shirley & the virgin queen

-Disclaimer: Anything you recognize as J.K.Rowlings is hers, the plot if there is one is mine along with any characters or anything you don't recognize is mine. Enjoy!

-Summary: Lily is abused lonely, friendless, quiet, solitude. She lives in a world not quite reality and she is slowly drowning to the point where she will never be able to return.

-Title: Black Roses Red!

* * *

Lily soon fell into her normal routine of things. She placed her few belongings in her small corner of the girls' dormitory. She preferred to stay there instead of in another separate room that's he could have had. Lily had managed to avoidthe gaze of the nurse, though her teachers had tried to get her to go and get her broken fingers and bruises fixed up but she politely refused every single time. She continued to tell the teachers that she was perfectly fine and needed no medical assistance. The first week of school came and went and Lily got used to her new classes. She would sometimes find the marauders eyes on her but never looked up to greet their stares. She had enough trouble fending off the questions of the professor's she didn't need the questions to add tothe bunch.

It was the first weekend and Lily went outside like many of the others students were doing, but she came out close enough to the time of lunch that as she began to walk over to the lake most of the students and couples were heading inside to get some lunch. Lily stopped at the edge of the lake and watched the edges of the water came to play at the shore lapping quietly around the small rocks. Lily peeled her shoes and socks of and sat down placing her feet into the water and smiled as the cool water tickled her toes. She felt someone approach her from behind but decided not to turn around, a figure dropped itself right next to her but not close enough to the edge of the water to get wet. She turned to see that it was Remus.

"Hello." She said cheerfully.

Lily only shrugged her shoulders and continued to wiggle her toes to where they began to dig deeper and deeper into the sand. She smiled as the sand wiggled between her toes feeling mushy.

"What are you thinking about?" Remus took another stab at the conversation line.

"That it would be nice to have a boat, not a very large one but a small one, one that could fit maybe two people at a time." Remus looked at her confused.

"Why not a bigger boat?"

"Because that would ruin the whole thing." Her voice was quiet naturally, and Remus sometimes found difficulty in hearing everything she said, but that was just the way that Lily was and there was nothing he could do to change that.

"And what would be the point of the boat?"

"I would lay in it staring to the sky, letting my hair fan out around me and I would have to have a piano cover around me. I would quote the poem 'The Lady of Shallot', but then the boat would have to spring a leak of course." She said it as if this made sense and Remus gave her a weird look.

"I don't get it."

Lily who had been imagining it all looked back up at him. "Have you never read Anne of Green Gables?" When he shook his head no she only shrugged. "Oh, well in that case, Anne was a red headed orphan living at Prince Edward Island. In one chapter she pretends to be the Lady of shallot who drifts down the lake to Camelot, dead because her lover Lancelot has betrayed her. Anne tried to do this only the boat she used sprung a leak." She sighed and took her toes out of the water and dried them with a spell.

"You read a lot don't you?"

"Ah but what is a lot and what is a little?" And then with her shoes on she slowly walked in the castle, but instead of going to the lunch in the Great Hall she slipped off towards the Kitchen and ate with the house elves since they didn't mind. Remus on the other hand went to the Great hall to share with the others what he had been doing, all agreed that Lily was a little off; they even considered the fact that she may be psychologically damaged. But in the end they couldn't do anything. Remus for some reason though was fascinated by the way Lily andled questions and herknowledge in history.They continued on with lunch and tried to figure out what they were going to do the rest of the day.

Lily wandered around the castle for a while after lunch avoiding the level in where the nurse's office was. She held conversations with some of the pictures and even visited moaning myrtle's bathroom to talk. They got along alright, Moaning Myrtle even confessed that Lily was one of the few people alive that she could tolerate. She made an appearance at supper and sat at the end quietly eating and reading a large thick book that seemed to be old, and didn't even have the title on the cover. A girl from the Hufflepuff table got up and approached Lily.

"Hey you're into history and everything, right?" She asked quietly, Lily only nodded her head. "Well me and my friends were wondering if there was anyone royalty in History that fell in love with two men and was able to follow through with like seeing both of them. Or even a commoner who fell in love with royalty or something along those lines."

"Cleopatra!" She said simply barley letting the girl get the last sentence out of her mouth.

"Who was that?"

"She was an Egyptian queen who fell in love with a Caesar then fell in love with his best friend."

"Oh okay thanks."

"It doesn't have to have a happy ending does it?"

"Nope that's okay." Then the girl walked back to the table and told the others what she had found out. Lily on the other hand went back to reading her book and eating her supper. She looked up in the middle to see that the eyes of Remus and Professor Dumbledore were on her, and feeling slightly uncomfortable with the interests she was receiving she slowly got up and went back to the dormitory.

* * *

Lily slept later that day then she had any other day. She stuffed herself deeper underneath the covers and listened to any noise that reached her ears, and was greeted with a surprise that her roommates were up and about. It must be a good deal later then she usually got up because her roommates preferred to sleep as late as they possible could. She debated waiting until they left before she got up took her shower and moved around but she realized that it could be awhile before they left. She slowly got up amidst protests from her wrist that was sprained and her broken fingers. The conversation was cut off behind her which made her suspect that she had been the topic of their conversation. Not caring what they thought she changed with her back to them and ignored the intake of breath at the bruises on her back but they did nothing else. She turned and headed towards the door when Amy caught her arm.

"You know Lily we should get to know one another."

Lily only stared at her; Amy was the kind of girl who did something only if there was something in it for her otherwise she could care less. If she wanted to be friends with Lily, and it wouldn't even be true friends she must want something. Amy seeing that Lily was not going to say anything continued on.

"Yeah I could teach you how to do makeup, you know make you up to look really pretty. I bet after a while the guys would be climbing out of the chairs for you!"

Lily continued to say nothing; it was just easier that way. This happened once a year, she would start with compliments move to bribery and eventually got to where she was mad enough to hit and sometimes did. Lily could see it one her face now that she was getting aggravated.

"Well you're going to have to say something Lily, I mean I know a ton of girls who would love to be in your position. A Lot of Girls! What else would you want?"

Lily continued to stare at her with the unnerving glazed eyes of her until she could almost see the steam rising from Amy she was getting so red and so upset. She finally was so upset that Lily wouldn't answer that before anyone in the room could try to stop her she had backhanded Lily. Lily's head snapped back to the side and she stood there for the moment trying to get over the stinging pain that had embedded itself into her cheek. She placed a hand over the cheek and drew away with blood, that's when she saw the rings that were sitting on her fingers. She looked up into Amy's eyes.

"May I go now?" She asked quietly.

Amy gave her a disgusted look. "Get away from me." She said her nose crinkled up as if she smelled something that was all that pleasant. Lily couldn't help herself she curtsied.

"Your Majesty." And then began to turn around until Amy's voice stopped her again.

"Is that supposed to be mockery?" She asked outraged.

"No. You justremind me of a Queen that's all." Lily said quietly.

Amy looked uncertain and beneath that curious since Lily didn't seem to be joking. "What queen was that?"

"Queen Elizabeth the First."

"Why do I remindyou of her?"

"Because she ruled all by herself not getting married. She was also claimed to be The Virgin Queen, even though she wasn't a virgin, that's why it reminded me of you." She said and then thought of what she had just said and inwardly sighed, she had probably just made more trouble for herself.

Lily looked up to see that Amy looked outraged, but instead of hitting her she stormed out of the room the rest of the girls from the dormitory following her shaking their heads at Lily's own folly. Amy slammed the door shut making Lily wince and she looked at the door deciding if she wanted to follow or if she should probably stay up here. She decided to do a little of both. She went to the bathroom and looked at her new cut and then wetting a tissue she gently wiped the already crusting blood from it and then gently rubbed ointment on it. She even began to clean up the small area around her bed. Then finally she went down the stairs thinking that at least by now the girls would be gone. She had forgotten one thing though, Amy's boyfriend.

Lily was just about to reach the portrait door when a hand from behind gripped her and spun her around. Large beef like hands held her shoulders hard enough to bruise, but she uttered no sound. Amy's boyfriend named Josh was a large guy, the kind you would see playing American football. He leaned over Lily since he was a lot taller.

"What did you do to my girlfriend!"

"I just compared her to Elizabeth the first, the virgin queen."

Josh looked confused suddenly and tried to figure out why Amy would be upset by being compared to a queen. "Then why was she upset?"

"Well I said she reminded me of her because she was called the virgin queen but she wasn't a virgin." She said quietly, and watched as his face became almost as Red as Amy's had.

"Oh yeah and do you have something to say to me?"

"Only that it makes sense that you would be her girlfriend."

The grip on her shoulders tightened and she stifled a gasp of pain, she wasn't sure that Josh knew his own strength. "And why is that?"

"Because you have a reputation among the ladies, and so did the man who was Elizabeth's lover. In the end though He betrayed Elizabeth, it didn't work, and he was left to sit there in his guilt and shame." She said quietly and waited for a blow she was sure to come.

Josh's eyes were slits as he glared at Lily. "You stay away from my girlfriend from now on!"

He shoved Lily hard against the wall behind her and this time the gasp of pain she felt and decided not tostifle it. There had been something sharp right beside where he had shoved her and it skinned the edge of Lily's skin and made it bleed. Not to mention that she also hit her head lightly. She slid down to the ground and looked up into his eyes. And it would just so happen that at that moment James, Sirius and Remus came down the steps having also just woken up to see Lily huddled on the ground with Josh looming above her. They looked like they were about to advance when Lily got her voice back.

"Don't!" She called to them. Josh looked back to see who she was talking about.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked a strange glint in his eyes.

"Nothing I just insulted his girlfriend, that's all, andhe wanted to know why." And then before either party could object she slowly and slightly wobbly got out and headed out into the hallway and down two more to where he needed up in a small room that only she knew about. She entered and looked around, there was a small bookshelf a small couch and that was all. She walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out a small first aid's kit and then wiping off the blood that was still dripping she put a bandage over her arm. She then put a cream on the bruises that would help them go away quicker.

She looked out the window and took a deep and somewhat shaky breath and thought aloud. "Not bad for my first week back at school.

* * *

A/N-Hey guys here's the next chapter, I'm so glad that so many people liked it. I'll tell you right now though that the majority of this fan-fic will probably be really depressing. Thanx to all of my reviewers!  
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Again thanx so much and I hope you liked the chapter!  
_Maddie_!


	3. secrets on the balcony

-Disclaimer: Anything you recognize as J.K.Rowlings is hers, the plot if there is one is mine along with any characters or anything you don't recognize is mine. Enjoy!

-Summary: Lily is abused lonely, friendless, quiet, solitude. She lives in a world not quite reality and she is slowly drowning to the point where she will never be able to return.

-Title: Black Roses Red!

* * *

The bruises on Lily slowly disappeared and her fingers mended, though she might have used her wand to help it along. She was continually being watched and she knew it. Not only was Josh watching a lot to make sure she stayed away Amy, the marauders watched Josh watching Lily, and would occasionally watch Lily herself, and then of course there were the professors who continued to ask her where she had gotten the scars on her and the many bruises though she refused to tell them. With the added attention she began to feel slightly smothered and finally couldn't take it anymore, she went up to the highest tower there was and sat out on the ledge letting the air rush around her.

She liked this place; it was a place that was usually only visited in the night when those couples wanted a dark and secluded place to come to. But in the day time Lily found it the perfect place where she could come and think, write letters to Morgan, or just get away from the noises of the castle. It became her haven other then the room where she had her books and first aid kit. Lily was just finishing up a letter to Morgan when she signed it and then sent it with a bird from the school since she didn't have one herself. It was after she sent it that she heard voices slowly coming up from the stairs that led to this room, and to the balcony. She sighed in a defeated manor knowing there was no way she could hide. It was one thing to hide in the pitch black another to hide in broad daylight.

So she sat on the ledge and looked out ignoring the people that were about to come through the door knowing that if they wanted to talk to her they would, but more then likely they would ignore her or think she was going to commit suicide. She didn't really mind either one as long as they didn't bother her. Sadly though this was not to happen for the people to come through the doors were none other then the Marauders and she cringed knowing that any second they would notice her. And sure enough no sooner had she thought this though Remus noticed her sitting on the ledge and immediately got the idea that she was here to commit suicide.

"Lily!" He called sounding almost like her father had sounded before her mother had left. That's when the other two noticed that she was there and where she was sitting. They cautiously approached her as if thinking approaching would prompt her to just fall backwards and fall down to her death.

"I'm not planning on jumping, just because someone comes to sit up here does not mean that they are immediately going to commit suicide." She said her voice carried to them with the wind that was blowing. All three of them felt kind of stupid then, because she did look relaxed and was a little too far backto lean over and she was standing on the ledge.

"Then what are you doing up here?" James asked curious as they stopped not too close to her.

"It's quiet up here. I can be alone and left to my thoughts, while down there I am continually being watched. I feel as If I am a suspect for the FBI and everyone around me is agents. Wherever I go there is a pair of eyes on me."

They did realize then that there were a lot of people watching Lily, and they realized that it could get kind of tiring. This girl had a way of making them feel guilty and like idiots with only stating the simple truth.

"So what are you doing then?" Sirius asked looking around since he couldn't sit still he figured no one else could like Lily had been doing.

"I am going to make a wish." She said. She then took out her wand took a pebble and transfigured it into a Dandelion and then they watched as she blew it and the small little seeds floated off the weed and scattered into the wind slowly fading from sight but carrying Lily's wish all the same. She then got up and walked past them. "Now here is a question for you, why are you so interested in someone like me."

"I don't know." James finally said after a minute or two before answering.

"Wrong Answer." She said turning around to look at them again.

"What do you mean wrong answer it's the only answer we can give you!" Sirius said looking at her as if she was messed up in the head.

"No, you could have answered what you were thinking." She looked straight at Remus and continued on. "The reason you're so interested in me is because I'm broken. I look like a wounded animal and the bruises and broken fingers you saw on me scared you. You can't get the picture out of your minds eye and you want to know who could do something like that. It makes you feel guilty from things you've done in the past, and most of all you want to try and fix it because you want to be able to fix and solve everything. I'm right, right?"

No one could speak because she had said the very thing they had been thinking. Even though all of those bruises were gone, and the broken fingers mended, they just couldn't get the sight of them out of their minds eye as she had said. It was something that they felt haunted them. She smiled a wane smile at their silence.

"Don't worry, the people that hurt me, physically, and mentally, they only do me good!" And then she walked out the door leaving them to ponder what she had just said.

Lily didn't go to the dorm room, instead she went to her small private room where she sat down on a couch and grabbed the nearest book. She wouldn't be able to go up there for another week or so, because more then likely Remus at least would be watching it. She knew that he seemed fascinated by her, though she didn't understand why.

The next week or two she noticed that the Marauders tried to stop watching her, and she was grateful, though there was still the professor's. Josh had been found cheating on Amy a few days ago, and so he no longer concerned himself with Amy. Amy had moved on too not that Lily was surprised, but others seemed surprised that Josh had cheated on her. She received a letter from Morgan and read it happy to hear from her. She was doing like Lily being watched by her professor's but other then that everything was the same from last year, she was being ignored. Lily almost wished she was being ignored like last year. She preferred that over then the being watched. Finally since it was another Saturday, and she had finished all of her extra class work she made her way out of the Great Hall and headed back up to the balcony. No one was there and she was thankful. There was only a slight breeze and then walking over to the far end of the balcony she lifted herself up and used the side of the wall to steady herself. Unbeknownst to anyone there was a small path on the side of the tower right next to the balcony.

Lily was about to step on it when Remus and James entered, and they admitted they had followed her when they saw she was heading up towards the balcony. They weren't scared of her committing suicide, at the time, and had just wanted to talk, but when they saw Lily on the ledge their eyes widened and they took a step forward until they heard her sigh.

"Lily I though you told us you weren't going to commit suicide!" Remus said looking angry.

"I'm not, for you information I happen to be going somewhere specifically." She said in a reasonable tone of voice.

"Well if you're expecting to go to death's lair you have another thing coming." Remus said just as angry.

"Remus come here." She said tired sounding, he came up slowly until he stood right behind her. "Take a look." She pointed out the path that she had been planning on taking and he looked at it confused. "It's a path Remus!" her voice was still quiet and calm.

"Oh!" he looked at her. "Well the evidence pointed to you committing suicide.

"Then let me clear that up for you. I don't believe in suicide, I think it's stupid. You have to live with what is given to you."

"Where does it lead?" James asked speaking up as he came and looked at it besides Remus. Both looked up at Lily.

"Come on, you can see for yourself. But you can't tell anyone else." She said and then stepped down in it and walked on it as if she took another step a wrong was or tripped the likely hood that she would fall off was high. The other looking at each other and only hesitating a little slowly followed her. They were more careful however and took it slow watching where they placed their feet.

Lily was a ways ahead of them, the path took them winding to the opposite side of the balcony, and that's they noticed the balcony that she was approaching. James looked a little skeptical. "Did she just take us in a circle?" He asked still looking down to watch his step.

"I hope we're risking our lives for something other then that. Otherwise I'll be a little disappointed." Remus said his voice a little breathless. Good thing none of them were scared of heights.

After another minute or two James noticed a hand in front of his face and saw behind that the small little wall of the balcony. The hand was Lily's, and he gripped it, and pulled himself up, Lily helped Remus too and when they turned around they found their eyes going wide once again. They were staring at a balcony that had no door to it, not the one they had stepped off of, and in the middle of the balcony was a garden with a few last flowers bloomed before they shut down for the winter. There was also a lawn chair on one side of the thing a small little table and a few books that had weather proof covers on them.

Lily was no longer beside them she was looking at the garden and testing the dirt. And when she realized it was too dry she made a small little shower above it with her wand. She also began to take out the grass that was growing.

"I learned from Mary that having a garden of your own, to where you can actually grow things was an amazing experience. I've had this garden for four years now after I found that path and followed it to this balcony. It's one of many secret havens I have."

"What Mary are you talking about?" James asked thinking it would be a Mary at the school but for some reason Remus was thinking other wise.

"Mary Lennox."

"Who's that?" They both asked at the same time.

"She was the main character in the book 'A secret Garden.' She was an orphan who found a secret Garden and made it come back to life with two friends. She told the man that owned the place that all she needed was a patch of earth, for a garden. It helped turn her into a better person." She said again as she continued to pull weeds out of the Garden.

"So it's not a real person?" James asked confused.

"But what is real?" Lily asked in return to his question.

James decided to let it go, knowing that if he started an argument he probably wouldn't win it. Something about Lily told him that. Or at least nothing like in that area. Lily came across to him as the sort of person who could let insults and rude things said to her and she wouldn't make a sound but if you get something wrong about a book or something in history she would be there to correct you and no matter what you did she would stick to what she said. This actually was exactly what Lily was like.

They still didn't know how to take this, I mean it was a garden on the top of a large tower, on a balcony that the only way you can get to is by climbing a little itty bitty path on the OUTSIDE of a tower. It was a little weird to say the least. Remus looked around and even leaned over the side to see that they were completely blind to almost everything, no wonder no one had ever spotted this balcony.

"So who takes care of the plants in the summer when you're not here?" James asked as he sat down on a lawn chair still taking it in.

"The house elves don't mind doing it for me, some of them really like taking care of gardens and they like helping. I approached them the first summer after I had made this garden." She pulled the last of the weeds out and then dusted off her hands on her pants.

"I see."

They were silent for a while and it began to grow into the awkward silences that you hate so much but still no one could think of what to say. Lily wanted them to leave, Remus was determined to leave the same time as Lily, and James had no clue what was going on only that he wished someone would say something and since no one else was he figured he might as well.

"So Lily when are you going to tell us who beat you up so bad?" He immediately knew it was the wrong thing to say because he watched a Lily stiffened up on her chair and wished he could grab the words and stuff them back into his mouth, but what's said is said and there's nothing anyone could do to change that.

"I don't plan on telling you." She said and like on the train she stared out past the scenery as if staring into another dimension with her unnerving eyes that seemed always to be glazed.

"Why not." Behind Lily's back Remus was motioning his head no but he had started this conversation and he was going to finish it. It was true he did want to figure out what kind of a person could do something like that.

"Because it is none of your business. Please drop it."

"But I don't want to drop it!"

"Well then you're just going to have to deal with not getting what you want. I know that may seem hard but it is none of your business. In fact why are you even talking to me. Just forget everything you saw and it would be much better."

"For who, you? I don't think so at all. You need help Lily, and the person that did it to you needs to be locked up in jail where he can't do stuff like that."

"Drop it James." She said and there was something in her voice which he couldn't afford.

"I'll drop it when you give me answer."

Lily didn't say anything but when she did he knew she was lying. "I was in a gang!" she said as if it was the only explanation in the world.

"Bull Lily, that's a lie and you know that I know it."

"James drop it!" Remus said glaring at him and looking at Lily with a soft look in his eyes. It was a look that you would find an older brother looking at a younger sibling or a father or mother looking at their kid that's having troubles. That's when he saw that Lily had a tight face and she was avoiding his gaze with a determination. He would have said something but Lily got up and before they could react she had grabbed something on a table and was walking down the path before wither could react.

Remus looked at James and shook his head. "She was doing so well, she was talking to us, letting us see her secret garden. Why, why did you have to bring that up!"

"Because I want to know, don't you!"

"Yes, but I can't force it out of here, she's going to have to tell us in her own time. I don't even know that she will though now that you messed it up."

"I'm sorry okay!"

"It's okay I just wish you hadn't brought it up." Remus said and then with a last look around him they both got up and followed the already gone Lily.

* * *

A/N- Hey guys here's the next chapter, I'm getting good at updating them! Anyways I hope you liked it and Thanx to all of my reviewers you guys are awesome, and I'm glad you liked the chapters!

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	4. Curious George learns the truth!

-Disclaimer: Anything you recognize as J.K.Rowlings is hers, the plot if there is one is mine along with any characters or anything you don't recognize is mine. Enjoy!

-Summary: Lily is abused lonely, friendless, quiet, solitude. She lives in a world not quite reality and she is slowly drowning to the point where she will never be able to return.

-Title: Black Roses Red!

* * *

Lily avoided them as much as she possibly could after the talk on the balcony. James seemed to regret what he had said, but he wasn't going to apologize for what he thought he should know. Remus knew that he didn't want to scare Lily away, so he stayed away, keeping his distance until the time was right. Sirius insisted that there was something mentally wrong with her, and that they should make her tell the truth. But no one wanted to get too close to her, plus some people were noticing that they talked to her, and they didn't want to cause Lily any more trouble then she already seemed to be having. Lily was thankful for them keeping their distance; Amy had gotten to the point where she would watch Lily through narrow eyes, giving her a warning.

Lily walked up to the tower; a month after school had started and took a path to her secret garden. She sat down at the small table and took out some writing material; it was time she wrote Morgan. She wrote about the attention she was getting, and everything she seemed to be doing wrong. Also how she just couldn't keep her mouth shut when she should. She talked a little about her classes, which were going okay. But mostly she talked about how she wished she was invisible again, and how much she wanted to see Morgan. After she finished the letter she whistled a tune, since she was close to the tower where the owls' slept. One flew to her a little time afterwards. She tied the letter to its leg and told her the address, The Academy of Witched in Switzerland, for Morgan. It flew off, and she watched it till it was a small black dot in the horizon.

She stayed up there for a few more minutes, tested the dirt again, and watered it, then walked back towards the other balcony. As she climbed up into it she turned and jumped slightly, because there sitting on the other side of the room was Remus, who couldn't help but smile an amused smile.

"I thought you would be up here, when I didn't find you anywhere else." That wasn't necessarily the truth, he had used the Marauders map, but then she didn't need to know that.

Lily sighed a defeated sigh and looked at him. "What did you want?" And although she was exasperated by him, she didn't let it enter her voice.

"I don't mean to annoy you, I'm just very interested in you." Sincerity rang through his voice, and she found herself giving in.

"I know you don't mean to annoy me, but that doesn't mean you don't!" She walked over and sat a little ways away from him. "You know I have the perfect nickname for you." She said after she had got situated.

"But I already have a nickname." Despite this though Remus couldn't help but feel a little proud that she had thought up a nickname for him. It made him feel happy.

"I know, but this one gives you much more justice then Moony."

"Well then why don't you enlighten me?" Lily chuckled slightly, which Remus felt he had to ask about. "Why are you chuckling?"

"You sounded just like the Prince in the movie Ever After."

"Ever after?"

"It's a different version of the Cinderella story. She had to pose as a noble so she could free a friend who was a slave and was going to be shipped to the Americans. To prove that he deserved to be set free, she had to 'enlighten' the prince."

"I see, but you're getting off subject, what was that nickname?"

"Curious George."

Remus looked momentarily shocked and then he began to laugh, a full out laugh that made Lily smile too. Finally after his laughter subsided he wiped a few tears from his eyes then looked at her. "Yes, I suppose that does do me justice." His face instantly turned serious though.

"I don't want to scare you off, but I want to ask you a question. Promise you won't run off?"

Lily thought about this for a moment then slowly nodded. "Your father beats you doesn't he, or your mother?"

Lily looked at him the smile taken from her face she looked out over the horizon like she always did when someone asked her about things like this. Slowly she answered. "Does the truth matter? Does it really matter who did this to me?"

"I think it does. If it was because you got in a fight with friends, and you were just fooling around, I don't think you would be as withdrawn as you are now, or damaged."

"Why would it make a difference of how bad I am damaged?"

"Not physically, mentally!" Remus touched his head slightly and then where his heart was, and Lily looked at him her eyes suddenly intense, then looked back over the horizon.

"I'm sorry I can't answer your question, but I can tell you parts of the truth."

Remus sat forward truly wanting to know more about her, and why she was the way she was.

"I like the pain!" She said slowly as if it was hard to say and Remus shook his head, his eyes wide in disbelief. "I have been like this for a long time, and after a while you give up all hope, or at least most people do. Some overcome them, others take a different approach. The pain tells me that I am still alive, that I can still feel. It is my lifesaver! I know that may be hard for you to understand, but the pain is what keeps me alive, and in a way sane."

"That's insane though Lily! There's other ways that you could feel alive!" He said, his voice pleading and overflowing with sadness.

There was a pause then Lily looked at him. "I finally figured you out Remus!"

"We're not talking about me though Lily, we're talking about you."

Lily shook her head. "No Remus, we're talking about you! You were beaten by your father weren't you?" She said quietly and watched as he reeled back as if punched, completely speechless. "And you blamed yourself for the longest time, until you got smart. That's why you're so interested in me, you want to help me, and you want to make sure that I don't blame myself."

Remus looked at her, his eyes overflowing with sadness of memories, and a small part of that sadness was for Lily. And Lily smiled a wane smile she got up and hugged him, much to his surprise; she seemed like a no touch kind of person. She drew back and looked up at the sky.

"Don't worry Remus, I know I did nothing to deserve what I go through, but it is what I am given, and I can't change that. I have never once blamed myself." They were quiet for a few minutes and she continued to stare at something Remus could not see. She walked towards the door and before she could walk down the steps he called out to her.

"What were you looking at just now?"

"Nothing." Then she smiled her wane smile, though there seemed to be a secret behind this one. "I was just noticing that next week would be a full moon." She then walked out leaving Remus feeling as if he had been punched yet again. He stayed there for a while two sentences running through his head, both of which Lily had told him.

'You were beaten by your father weren't you?' and 'Next week would be a full moon!'

Those two sentences sent him back in his past, to memories that he had long since pushed to the back of his mind. Memories that he never wanted to remember ever again.

* * *

Remus was quieter at supper that night then any other night, even when the full moon happened and James and Sirius took notice of this!

"Remus are you okay?" Sirius asked concern for his friend shining through his face.

Remus tried to give a hearty smile but knew it failed the moment it hit his face. "Yeah I'm fine guys!"

"Remus we know you better then that. You are never this gloomy or quiet. Not even on those days!"

He was silent then sighed deciding to confess. "I talked to Lily again today."

"But why would that make you this gloomy. I mean as far as I know she's not that capable of being mean!" Sirius said stuffing some food in his mouth.

"It was some things she said. I think she's beaten by a family member, but she won't tell me if it's the truth. She also says she likes the pain, it keeps her alive and sane."

James shook his head at the last part. "I can understand why this would make you grim, but not as bad as you are."

They both watched as he hesitated, some inner battle going on with him and they grabbed his shoulder in comfort. He finally shook them off and sighed.

"I never told anyone this, I always wanted to keep it to myself, because for the longest time it was something I was ashamed of, and something I blamed myself for. My father beat me as a child, before I called social services, and got him out of the house. Talking to Lily just brought up a lot of crappy memories."

Neither of them knew what to say, actually what could they say. They had never been beaten, and they couldn't even imagine it. Finally James spoke up.

"I'm sorry moony, but remember that it wasn't your fault, and you're a different person than when you were back then!"

"Yeah." Remus said smiling. "And I got some good friends!" He said more cheerfully.

Sirius snorted. "Not good friends, the BEST friends!" Then followed this fact by stuffing more food in his mouth, and the grim mood slowly evaporated. They were almost finished with dinner when a crack of thunder shook the hall and lightning lit up the great Hall from the ceiling. Everyone looked up, some smiling at it, others dismissing it, and some cowering from it. Only Lily reacted the way she did. The marauders found their attention drawn to her as she rose from her seat grabbing her stuff and make her way out of the Great hall. Just as the doors were closing, they saw her walk outside. The three looked at each other, and then they too got up and followed her.

They found her standing in the middle of the Quidditch field her hands outstretched away from her, her face lifted up to greet the rain. A genuine smile, one that lit her entire face was on her face. They suddenly knew what Lily's other weakness was, other then her books and history, it was the rain. Remus walked up right beside her and mirrored her position and after a moments hesitation Sirius and James came up on her other side and did the same only to find a strange sensation come over them. It was as if the rain was washing away all of their troubles, and bad memories. Finally Lily lowered her arms and looked at them, and all of them were amazed to find that her eyes had no clouded look, but instead were bright and sparkling in happiness.

"So what do you have to say about the rain?" It was Sirius who asked her, knowing that she had a story, or something from a book that described just about anything and everything. Lily smiled even larger.

"God is in the rain!"

"God is in the rain?" James asked sounding confused.

"Yes it's from a graphic novel, called V for Vendetta! So when the rain falls and hits you, god is touching you. A somewhat comforting thought don't you think?" She said raising her head once more, only this time her mouth was open to catch the falling drops.

"Yeah, it kind of is!" Remus agreed smiling.

The marauders turned to go, only to find that Lily on the other hand had no intention of following. They shrugged their shoulders and headed back, they would let Lily have her time alone with the thing she loved above other things. They were just leaving the Quidditch field when they turned one last time to check on her to find to their amusement she was spinning in circles and the sound of joyful laughter followed them to their rooms, raising their spirits a little.

Lily stayed there for a while until she was so drenched she began to shiver. Finally, and somewhat sadly she made her way back inside. When she entered all of the other girls were already asleep and not wanting to come to their wrath if she woke them up she lay on her bed. She hadn't had the intention of sleeping in her wet clothes, but she found herself slipping off into sleep before she could get up and change into warm and dry clothes. But despite this, she slept with a smile on her face!

* * *

A/N- Hey guys I finally got the chapter up and sorry it took me so long. I'm going to clear a few things up. This is mainly Lily's story, so there might not be as much marauders as you people will like. Remus and Lily are NOT falling in love, but merely a bond like siblings, brother and sister, so there's going to be a lot of Remus. There's also not going to be and Lily and James romance at least until the seventh year, because love doesn't happen all that quickly sometimes, especially when you have someone in a position like Lily is in. Now, I want to say thanx to all of my reviewers, and hope that the info doesn't discourage you lol!

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Maddie!


	5. Colonel Brandon and Marianne Dashwood

-Disclaimer: Anything you recognize as J.K.Rowlings is hers, the plot if there is one is mine along with any characters or anything you don't recognize is mine. Enjoy!

-Summary: Lily is abused lonely, friendless, quiet, solitude. She lives in a world not quite reality and she is slowly drowning to the point where she will never be able to return.

-Title: Black Roses Red!

* * *

The next morning the other girls in Lily's room got up long before Lily. Amy and two of the other girls took one look at her and their noses rose in the air. They walked into the bathroom without a second thought. Jessica however took a long look at Lily, sometime during the night she had pulled a cover over her, but her clothes were the same as last night, and still slightly damp. A moment of concern passed her face before she too walked into the bathroom. She didn't hate Lily like the others who only followed Amy's orders, but she still would rather not risk the wrath of Amy. Amy could be as cruel as one could get when she got into the mood for it. So she said nothing to Lily, knowing she would probably wake up any minute now, Lily was never late for class, and she never skipped one as many did or were tempted to do.

One the girls were finished they began to head out Amy stopped and looked over at Jessica who was searching around her area looking for something or another. "Jessica are you coming?" There was impatience in her voice and Jessica mentally rolled her eyes.

"Yeah I just can't find something….." She briefly looked again. "You guys go on ahead I'll catch up as soon as I find it!"

Amy looked at her for another moment or two, and Jessica was sure she was going to order her to just forget it, but she eventually shrugged her shoulders and walked out the other two following her like baby ducks following the mother. She sighed in relief the minute she couldn't hear their footsteps on the stairs and walked over to Lily shaking her shoulder slightly, trying to wake her up to no avail.

"Lily you should really get up, you don't want to be late!" Lily's only response was to shoulder deeper down into her covers. Jessica looked around wondering if she should try again, but couldn't think of anything else to do. "Alright Lily." She said shaking her head, grabbed her back pack, the thing she had been searching for and ran down the stairs to catch up to Amy and the other two girls. She figured that Lily would catch up by the first class, or maybe even the second.

Lily never showed up to either one, or the third period, and her absence was noticed by more then one person. All of the teachers asked if anyone knew where she was, and what was wrong with her, but everyone, including Amy, Jessica, and the two other girls shook their head saying they didn't know. The marauders glanced at one another, thinking to themselves. Lily hated missing classes it was true, but maybe she jut needed more time to herself, away from the stares. In the end they though it was probably just a Lily thing, though they had to admit they were a little worried.

Jessica went to drop off her things right before lunch, the other girls opting to keep theirs. Jessica only did it because she helped a teacher next period and didn't need her things. She looked over at Lily who was in the same position that she had been in that morning. Jessica her brows furrowed walked over to try her luck. She shook her shoulder once more, but got no response.

"Lily are you okay?"

Jessica walked all the way over to the other side so she could see Lily's face, only to see that it looked flushed with a fever. She knelt right next to her bed. "Lily?" She said a bubble of nervousness rose in her and she touched Lily forehead only to bring her hand back quickly, she was so warm. She shook her shoulders a little harder. "Lily can you hear me?" her voice was quickly turning frantic. She stood and raced down the steps looking around for anyone that could help.

"Is anyone here?!!" Her voice cracked in the middle. She was going to have to run all the way to the nurse's office, and that was a long run.

"Jessica?" she spun around to see James standing there a textbook in his hands heading down to lunch. She hadn't even realized that James Potter knew her name. She ran at him taking the textbook from his hands and tossing it to the side.

"You have to help me!" She said sounding frantic.

"Jessica what is wrong?" He looked a little freaked out by her behavior.

"Lily has a fever, she won't wake up, she won't even answer me, you have to help me get her to the hospital wing." The words were barley out of her mouth before James brushed her aside and ran up to the girl's dormitory. Jessica looking a little confused ran up after him. He walked over to Lily's bed and knelt.

"Lily can you hear me." He asked quietly he also put a hand on her forehead and shook his head when he drew it back. Jessica's eye widened in surprise when she watched James stood up, adjusted the blanket on lily, the picked her up hefting her slightly to where he wouldn't lose his grip. He looked over at Jessica.

"Would you mind going to the hospital wing and tell them that I'm coming with Lily!"

"You're going to carry her all the way there?"

"Did you have a better idea?"

She was silent, then shook her head and ran out the door on her way to the hospital wing. James followed at a slower pace. His face was stony, because since he was carrying her he could feel every single one of the scars that was on her back. It was slow going but he made to the hospital wing without dropping her once, the minute he was in sight the nurse ran over to him checking her forehead then ushered James over to a bed. He gently deposited her on it and backed up watching the nurse immediately began to do her thing. James looked around to find that Jessica was no where in sight, but he only shrugged his shoulders. The nurse came back with a small cup of something or another and beckoned James over to the bed.

"I need you to tilt her up in a sitting position, head slightly back. I need her to get this potion down."

"What is it going to do?"

"It will bring down the fever, and help get her strength back up. Don't worry Mr. Potter; it will do nothing to her scars if that is what you are thinking. Ms. Evans would never forgive me if I did try to heal them." There was a tone in her voice saying she had tried to convince Lily to let her several times before but Lily would not have it.

He did as the nurse instructed and set her back down then the nurse ushered him out saying she had to change her out of those damp clothes. James looking one last time at the door headed down to the Great Hall for lunch. When he entered he noticed that Jessica was sitting with Amy and the other girls in that dormitory. She looked briefly up and then looked away before anyone noticed. He mentally rolled his eyes and went to sit with Remus and Sirius. Both looked at him raising their eyebrows in question as to why he was so late.

"Lily won't wake up." He said quietly and Remus immediately began to get up but James shook his head. "Jessica found her ran into the dormitory started yelling for help. I was getting the textbook for my next class. She's in the hospital wing at the moment, but she's got a huge fever she's not really responding to anything. Apparently she slept with her wet clothes on last night."

"I'm going to go visit her when classes are over." Remus said looking worried. The others only nodded their heads they had expected this. It seemed for the most part that Lily and Remus would probably be getting a long rather nicely. They had watched Lily on a few occasions, and while she looked bored or tired when anyone else spoke to her she always smiled when Remus talked to her. And they knew that Remus sort of looked to her like a big brother looks to a little sister.

"I don't think the nurse knows when she's going to wake up but it can never hurt." James said smiling at Remus.

"And we'd join you of course, but that caretaker found us smuggling stink bombs among other things to the prefect bathroom used by the Slytherins so we have detention." Sirius said gloomily.

"Well it's a good thing you had already gotten half of the amount already in there." Remus said which made James and Sirius grin evil little smiles; they couldn't wait for tonight when some of the Slytherins would be taking baths.

The rest of the day went by as usual they told the teachers that asked about Lily that she was in the hospital wing sick, and that was the end of that. Remus collected the work needed for her, since all of the teachers had noticed him talking to her they knew it would actually get to her. James and Sirius made Remus eat before he went up to see her, and finally when the three of them split the two of them going to detention Remus finally went up to the hospital wing. He looked through the door to see that Lily was about to stir. Normally he would have walked in anyways but something held him back. Lily on the other hand opened her eyes slowly and looked around at her surrounding she slowly sat up, as if it was a struggle. Remus watched as when realization where she was hit her, her hands immediately flew to her back and where the scars were. He watched as she relaxed when she felt them then continued to look around. Remus chose that time to walk in. Lily looked over and smiled her smile, a worn out kind of smile.

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked as he took a seat next to her bed.

"I'm feeling a little off but okay I guess." She said in her also usual whispery voice.

"Looks like you still have a bit of fever."

"How did I get here?"

"James carried you from the Gryffindor tower when Jessica came down saying you wouldn't even wake up."

"James carried me all the way here?" She smiled at this and he knew that she was thinking of some book or another. He smiled.

"What are you thinking about now?"

"Only that he sounds a lot like Colonel Brandon, and me Marianne Dashwood."

"I have no clue what that is from you're going to want to explain it a little more if you want me to understand!"

"It's a book by Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility. Col. Brandon was hopelessly in love with Marianne Dashwood, but Marianne was in love with someone else. However she was I guess you could say dumped, and because of her grief she took a walk in the rain, and didn't come back. Col. Brandon found her and carried her all the way back to his house, and paid for a doctor for her."

"How very romantic." Remus said chuckling.

"What's even more romantic about it is that she falls in love with him and they end up living happily ever after!"

"You're a sap for the happy ending aren't you?"

"Isn't every girl?"

"So you're really feeling okay?" A small little sign of worry shone through his eyes and Lily smiled.

"Yes, it was stupid of me to sleep in my wet clothes."

"Yes it was!" and much to Remus's amusement, and the nurse who was watching, Lily stuck her tongue out at him and smiled straight after that.

"Where are James and Sirius tonight?"

"Detention. They were trying to sneak some items in the Slytherin prefect bathroom." He raised and lowered his eyebrows several times in a suggestive movement and Lily smiled again. Lily smothered a yawn then but the nurse had seen it. Even though she had just woken up she still needed rest.

The nurse came out and smiled. "I think Ms. Evans needs a little more rest. If she is better she might be released tomorrow." She said looking at Remus. Remus nodded his head in understanding and with a farewell look at lily he left. Lily soon went to sleep and in the morning felt much better, though she didn't try to poke and prod the nurse to let her out early she didn't mind staying a little longer then what would be normally be necessary. She wasn't released until around lunch time, and she was put under strict orders to go to lunch, and the teachers were to look for her!

So Lily went to lunch and arrived a little bit before everyone else and sat at the far end of the table in her normal spot. Not that her presence had been missed by many though some of the teachers came by to tell her that she would have some time to make up those assignments and were glad to see her looking better. She ate a little, not being all that hungry, and sat there for a while until the mail came. It was also around this time that the marauders came in and seeing Lily walked over to sit down next to her. They looked at her, because she looked a little more pale then usual.

"How are you?" James asked as they began to help themselves to some food.

"Fine, thank you for what you did!" Lily said in her quiet voice.

"Well if it wasn't for Jessica you might have been a little worse off then you are right now! You should really be thanking her."

Lily shook her head and all of them raised their eyebrows. "If I thanked her, Amy would not be happy, and no one wants to get on Amy's bad side. Don't worry though, she'll know my appreciation." She said at their raised eyebrows.

In fact that very moment Jessica received a letter and all that was on it was some elaborately drawn Thank You and the initials L. E. Jessica looked over at Lily, who as if sensing someone watching her looked up and met her eyes then turned away. Sirius between bites of food was drawing something on a scrap piece of paper, and occasionally writing some things down. Lily looked over at it and saw that he was planning yet another prank. Silently and without warning Lily grabbed the paper scooted it over, and began to write something. Sirius at the moment was a little too shocked that she had even thought about doing something like that, that he could react. She began to doodle something too. And then flipped the page over, and got up.

"I need to go get some work done. The teachers have excused me from classes so you won't see me." And then without any explanation at all she walked out of the great hall and headed towards the library.

Meanwhile James, Sirius and Remus turned over the piece of paper to see just what Lily had written and smiled at what they saw. Lily had just come up with the most brilliant idea for a prank! Oh yes it was better then any of them could have believed!

* * *

A/N- Hey guys sorry it took me a while to get this chapter up, you guys are awesome for being patient…well I assume you have :D. Anyways I hope you guys liked the chapter. Wanna say thanx to all of my reviewers, you guys are the best!  
-inuyahsa.and.kagome.4eva.554-  
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-Lady FireMage-

Again thanx so much!  
_Maddie!_


	6. a story in a song and a book!

-Disclaimer: Anything you recognize as J.K.Rowlings is hers, the plot if there is one is mine along with any characters or anything you don't recognize is mine. Enjoy!

-Summary: Lily is abused lonely, friendless, quiet, solitude. She lives in a world not quite reality and she is slowly drowning to the point where she will never be able to return.

-Title: Black Roses Red!

* * *

James Sirius and Remus decided to wait until the next month to pull off the prank, that way the could make sure to get everything down to an art before they began it. They decided that no matter what others thought they were going to start sitting with Lily, and if anyone caused trouble for her they would answer to the three of them. Remus wasn't the only one who was getting very attached from the looks of it. Sirius would make up some of the largest and remarkable jokes known just to get her to smile. They couldn't help but want to protect her, and despite the fact that they were beginning to sit with her and hang out with her a lot they weren't having as much trouble as they first thought would happen. Most of the girls that watched this at first with a jealous eye soon dismissed the whole thing. They watched Lily, who though would smile, wouldn't actually get close enough to touch them most of the time. That is except for Remus occasionally, and anyone who looked close enough could see that Remus only liked her as a big brother to a sister, and the same for Lily to Remus.

Lily still didn't show much signs of life in her eyes they still had the glazed look about them but the others hoped that over time they would slowly bring a little light to them. It was a normal day, as far as weekends were going. They had pretty much done nothing, talking, but other then that just lazing about. The day outside was clear and cool, probably one of the last good days they would have before the winter came and froze everything over and turned it into a winter wonderland in a way. They were near the lake, Sirius, James, and Remus were lying around talking about a project that they had to do, and Lily was a little ways away on a large rock. She had taken off her shoes and was balancing an art book on it slowly drawing with a small thin charcoal pencil. She would occasionally look up from her drawing and look over the lake a look of peace on her face then go back to her drawing after a minute or so. But whenever one of them would ask her what she was drawing she would only shake her head with a smile and reply that they would find out when it was finished.

It was getting close to supper time when Amy came and walked over smiling. Lily noticing the movement looked up and once she saw who it was she closed her art book set it aside and tucked her knees to her resting her head on it and watched whatever she was going to do. She smiled if possible even larger once she reached them, and by this time all activity had ceased and they were all looking at her.

"Hi guys, we were planning on having a karaoke party tonight in one of the old rooms, professor Dumbledore's already approved it and we wanted to know if you guys wanted to come. It's gonna be pretty awesome!" The marauders looked at each other shrugging but looked up at Lily also. Lily looked a little confused, since she was still not used to them checking to make sure it was okay with her, and she was pretty sure that Amy didn't want her to come, even if she was hanging out with the marauders. Amy noticed them looking at her and her smile became somewhat forced but started talking again in the same cheerful voice. "Of course Lily you'll have to come along!"

At Lily's shrug telling them she didn't care they looked back at Amy. "Sure we'll come, what room is it going to be in?"

Amy gave them direction then with one last smile she walked off, Lily was sure with a glower on her face since she was forced to talk to her but there wasn't much she could do about that. James looked over at Lily as she was getting the art book out and starting to draw again. "You sure you don't mind going, because you know we can do something else!"

"No it's fine, it won't be bad." She smiled her normal fading looking smile and went back to drawing and the others to talking. Finally they gathered up their things, Lily slipping back on her shoes and they headed to dinner. Amy looked at Lily for a second then looked away ignoring her, it was how she dealt with her problems and in all honesty that was how Lily preferred it that way most of the times.

"This is your chance Lily, probably your only chance also, to hear the lovely singing voice of Sirius. Well that is if you can call it singing it's more like a frogs or toads croaking!" Remus said smiling then ducked without looking at Sirius as a roll made it way right where his head had been.

"Like your voice is any better." Sirius said indignantly with his mouth half full and stuff spilling it out a little.

Lily smiled. "Does that mean James is the singer of the group?" James who was taking a drink snorted then coughed and Lily raised one of her eyebrows in question as Remus smiled.

"I think he and Sirius are tied in their voices." He said chuckling slightly, and both Sirius and James gave him a dirty look that would have killed if looks could kill.

"What about you, do you sing?" Sirius asked.

"Not really." Shrugging her shoulder as if it was not something she really liked to do all that much.

They talked of some things or another then walked up to the common room until it was time for the party. Sirius was wondering if it was going to have food and drinks because if it didn't then what was the point of calling it a party. In which Remus replied that if he wanted food and drinks he should just bring his own stash otherwise he'd just eat up the share of everybody else. Lily laughed at this and had to wonder with Remus saying all these things how he had managed not to get strangled more then he already was occasionally.

The time for the party arrived and they walked to the room that was overflowing with people and Lily with her usually habits immediately found her way to the back of the room out of the way and out of the eyes of most of the people. It was one of the things that the marauders had been trying to work on her with but habits died hard they all knew this so they didn't push her too hard. Plus this was a room full of people who had probably ridiculed her at one point or another; there were probably a lot of hostilities somewhere in her so they couldn't exactly blame her. They did however drag her to the very last row of seats that were in here and made her sit down with them as the singing soon began. Everyone sang at one point or another, sometimes under a dare to sing an embarrassing song, other times the stage was open for whoever wanted to sing. They got to choose the song they wanted to sing and everything.

Everybody's name was in a large hat and they would draw it out a name when there were no volunteers at a time. Lily should have suspected sooner or later, well actually sooner rather then later. She had seen some of the looks that Amy was giving her and she knew that she had been planning something so when she finally got on the stage it didn't come to that big of a surprise to Lily when she grabbed the microphone and called into it.

"And now it's Lily Evans turn to sing us a song." And with an innocent smile she beckoned towards her with the microphone. The marauders eyes narrowed as they finally got the gist of the request and what it was meant to be, and opened their mouths was to say something but with a touch of Lily's hand they closed their mouths.

"It's okay everyone has to sing." They didn't like it but the slowly nodded and she walked to the stage and stepped onto it and took the microphone from Amy's hand and watched as she smirked a little. In her quiet voice asked. "Any song right?" Amy nodded a twinkle in her eye. "Can there be a dedication?" She asked again and Amy looked at her as if she was crazy.

"Whatever you want!" Then she sat down in the front row and looked at her expectantly.

Lily picked out the song then said quietly. "This is dedicated to curious George!" She said it with her straight face showing everyone that she was serious. James, Sirius and Remus smiled though, because they all knew that Remus was Curious George. The music started and everyone's' eyes widened as a surprisingly sweet voice came from her mouth.

Here I stand  
Empty hands  
Wishing my wrists were bleeding  
To stop the pain from the beatings

There you stood  
Holding me  
Waiting for me to notice you

But who are you  
You are the truth (you are the truth)  
Outscreaming these lies  
You are the truth (you are the truth)  
Saving my life

The warmth of your embrace  
Melts my frostbitten spirit  
You speak the truth and I hear it  
The words are I love you  
And I have to believe in you

But who are you  
You are the truth (you are the truth)  
Outscreaming these lies  
You are the truth (you are the truth)  
Saving my life

My hands are open  
And you are filling them  
Hands in the air  
In the air, in the air, in the air

And I worship  
And I worship  
And I worship  
And I worship

You are the truth (you are the truth)  
Outscreaming these lies  
You are the truth (you are the truth)  
Saving my life

And as the last note died away she set the microphone down and walked out, past the others and out of the room. She made it halfway down the hallway when she sound of footsteps reached her ears and she turned to see James, Sirius and Remus running to catch up with her and she could tell that they were surprised.

"I thought you said you couldn't sing!" Sirius said when they finally reached her.

"I said I didn't sing, not that I couldn't. Besides Amy loves to push people around and be the best at everything. She shouldn't get what she wants all the time and she shouldn't get preconceived ideas that she can push people around all the time, even if certain people allow her to." She said quietly a small smile playing at her lips.

"Well I think you shattered her perception of you, in fact you probably shattered everyone's perception of you!" James said laughing suddenly after the small speech that she had just made.

"So do you want to go back and hear them sing some more horrible songs?" Sirius asked since they were still standing there halfway between the Gryffindor tower and that of the party room so they could do either one.

"Not really, but you know the rumors for once are true, I don't mind being alone." She said as the looked back the way they had just come and then back towards where the common room was.

"Yes well it was getting a little boring, and what are you saying you don't like hanging out with us?" James said looking shocked and hurt and Lily smiled her tired smile that they had gotten used to.

"Maybe sometimes!" She replied then smiled larger at the look on all of their faces.

"Well why don't we head back to the common room and hang out!" Remus suggested after he had finished laughing at the looks on Sirius and James faces.

"Sounds good to me." She said and began to walk there only to be brought up short.

Sirius came from up behind and picked her up much to her shock. He swung her around until she was on his back in the fashion of a piggy-back ride. Her eyes were still a little wide in disbelief and she looked down into Sirius's smiling face. Then she smiled back, and put her arms around his neck but not too tight. All of them were happy to see that the spark or clearness was in her eyes instead of the normal glazed over look. And they made their way to the common room. Not many people were in it when they arrived. They all looked up stared for a second at the picture they made then went back to their work, ignoring the four of them. They headed towards the fireplace, and Sirius dumped Lily into a chair where she promptly got up again walked to her dorm then came down a second or two later with her art pad then curled back up in the chair tucking her legs underneath the rest of her.

James Sirius and Remus settled down on the ground around a small table and began a game of poker after they had taken out whatever money they currently had in their pockets. The game soon became heated and Lily would smile occasionally at the colorful insults that came from their mouths. But when she was asked to join she simply shook her head with a smile and continued to draw. They had come to realize that drawing was a release to her. When others would have shown their aggression or anger when they actually were Lily would draw furiously fast with deep lines and the occasionally cracked pencil. When she was calm and smooth she drew like she felt, sort of calm and smooth strokes. They were finding other ways in which they could read her. With other people the small things could be overlooked, considered unimportant, but with Lily it was the small things that mattered, the small things that were the doorway.

After the poker game got a little too violent James and Remus began to play wizarding chess and Sirius took out his notebook that he used to write down all of his prank plans. When he was done with it he would seal it with a curse, and put several alarms on it, he took it that seriously. Lily and a few other students she knew, along with the professors probably could have cracked it but she doubted that anyone else could do it. Besides if any one of the teachers confiscated it he would just erase them as soon as possible and begin a new notebook full of them. It was the way of Sirius and if that changed then something was definitely wrong.

After a while the people who had gone to the party came and headed to their dormitories obviously tired. They called their good nights to the marauders looked at Lily then went upstairs, Lily didn't notice any of this though, she was too busy drawing and even if she had she would have just smiled a small smile at them and gone back to drawing. It was her way to ignore things that she didn't care about it, or so it seemed.

They hadn't realized how late it was until one of them looked up to find that Lily had fallen asleep in the chair her art book still open, her pencil still clutched lightly in her hand, and the three of them looked at each other and with a small nod of their heads to show they were on the same page they sneaked over and took the art book. They were curious, and there was no way that she was ever going to let them look at it. They closed it and then flipped it open to the very first page and were a bit taken back by what was there. It was a single pink rose fully bloomed, but it was dripping what looked like tears of blood. It was morbid, and she had made shadows in the background making it look dark and somewhat creepy. The flipped through the pages looking at the dates in which most of these were drawn and the first one was from mid summer of this year.

They continued to flip through and were shocked at just how dark some of them had been and were. I guess drawing wasn't only a let out for her anger it was also the way she showed her true pain. The pain behind the mask, yes it might make her feel alive, but that didn't mean that it was still a good feeling. If anything they thought it just might be slowly eating her up inside. They flipped the page, and the date was the first time that Remus had spoken to her one on one, where he had learned the story of Anne of Green Gables. It was a beautiful picture of a wolf floating over a lake, its eyes glowing, and the full moon rising at its back. The next one was a few days later, the day of the balcony it was a picture of a large tree, a swing hanging from one of the branches and a girl in a sundress sitting on it her head leaning against on of the ropes. In the background there was a mass of dark blobs in vague human shapes, and little bit away from them were three distinct characters. They just knew that it was the three of them.

From there the pictures ranged from the drawing of the same rose that was at the beginning, only this time where the blood had been was the faint trace of a bandage though there were still tears coming through, they just weren't as red or as big. And the last one the one she was still working on was three very detailed pictured of their faces all of them smiling, and all of them with sparkles in their eyes. The boys looked at that and smiled. Maybe, even though they felt inadequate, and as if they weren't doing any good, maybe they were helping her just the slightest.

"Hey turn back to the first picture will you." Remus asked and James who was holding the book did so and looked a it, then taking it from James's hands began to turn the pages stopping at a few then moving on. He stopped at a certain date each time and slowly began again. Sirius and James just looked at him confused having no idea what he was doing.

"Look at these pictures the ones I tell you to and tell me if you see anything in common with those, something that the others don't have!" He flipped through the pages twice and slowly it dawned on them.

"They have blood in them but the others don't!" James said quietly.

"Yeah even the picture of the rose, the last one didn't have the same color of red these do, even though it's an exact replica from the looks of it." Sirius was still looking confused, but Remus and James were already coming to the same conclusion.

"What if these are the dates that she was beaten by whoever does that to her?" Remus asked quietly his voice hot from anger and unexpressed emotions!

"Remus write those dates down, Sirius go upstairs and grab a calendar will you?" James said as he grabbed a sheet of paper from a notebook some kid had left down here and handed it to Remus who began to right down the dates as he was told. Sirius went upstairs to find a calendar, and as soon as Remus was finished James took the art book and positioned it exactly the way it was before they had taken it since James had an eye for that kind of thing!

Sirius arrived with the calendar and Remus marked on the day that he had seen the blood, and when he was finished they took a look at the picture they had painted.

"Guys if this is true, then Lily was beaten at least twice a week!" Remus said quietly in horror. Sirius and James's eyes were wide at this thought too and they all looked at the quiet slumbering figure of Lily who looked so peaceful!

* * *

A/N- Hey guys here's the next chapter I hope you liked it. I plan on the next chapter having the prank so tune in for next whatever's episode Anyways I wanna say thanx to all of my reviewers I'm glad that you guys love the story this much! Oh and by the way the song Lily sings is called "Red Sam" by Flyleaf!

-GlindatheGood22-  
-Zaria z-  
-Animals are my LIFE-  
-Lexy Granger-  
-goodie2shoes19-  
-JustCallMeDollFace-  
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-grannyHPfan-  
-firewalker32-  
-RavieGrint-  
-tora.of.the.sand-  
-4ever4given-  
-Pyra Opal-

Again thanx so much hope you guys like it!  
_Maddie!_


	7. the darkest hole!

-Disclaimer: Anything you recognize as J.K.Rowlings is hers, the plot if there is one is mine along with any characters or anything you don't recognize is mine. Enjoy!

-Summary: Lily is abused lonely, friendless, quiet, solitude. She lives in a world not quite reality and she is slowly drowning to the point where she will never be able to return.

-Title: Black Roses Red!

* * *

James ended up carrying Lily to her room quietly and made sure she was covered up before he slipped back and went to sleep in his own room. They had talked a little more before they had put Lily to sleep and agreed that they wouldn't tell Lily that they had looked at her pictures. The trust they had finally received from her was important and they didn't want to jeopardize it so they kept their mouths shut. The next few weeks passed in a blur and they found that Lily was like a calm within a raging storm, they found that she was always there when they needed to vent their feeling and she always had something to say that would soothe their nerves. Finally one day when the wind was fairly whipping outside they once again found themselves at the spot near the lake that they had come to a lot lately. Lily once again sat on that rock and took out her art pad and began to trace something lightly. They hadn't questioned her about it but Sirius couldn't help but open his mouth once more.

"So Lily when are you going to show us your art pad?" He said his eyebrows rising and his eyes going all puppy dog like as if it would help.

"But Sirius, you and I both know that you guys have already seen them?"

All three of them chocked and cringed at the same time trying not to throw furtive glances at the other or look guilty though they were already caught due to the cringe. It was James who spoke up this time.

"What do you mean Lily?"

Her smiled broadened slightly and she beckoned them up to her rock and flipped towards the beginning and then pointed at something that they couldn't quite make out. They leaned forward a little until they realized that it was a large fingerprint and they couldn't help but gulp.

"I believe that this one is a little too big to be mine!" She said laughing at their expressions.

"So how long have you known?" Remus asked leaning back not sure whether to be relieved or annoyed.

"The very next day after the karaoke party. I noticed that when you thought I wasn't looking you would throw a furtive look at me. I checked my art book figuring that was what happened and found that fingerprint, and several others."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Sirius asked as if it had been a great strain on him to keep it a secret this long.

"I wanted to see how long it took you to ask me about it, or tell me what you had done. And to tell you the truth I was surprised it took you this long to take a peek at it." This made them roll their eyes at her in exasperation and made her smile without the glazed look in her eyes. She slowly got up and set down her art pad.

"Where are you going?" Remus asked since she walked past them.

She smiled and there was something they would consider a spark, not one unlike the one that showed up in Sirius's eyes, in her own eye. "Well unless you would prefer me to do it out here, I sort of need to use the restroom." She said laughing at their reactions.

"You know Lily sometimes I wonder which one I liked more, when you didn't talk, or when you make comments like that one." Sirius said in a joking voice.

"Well I learned from the best Sirius." This made Remus laugh hard and even James found it hard to smother his laugh.

Lily walked inside the castle a smile on her face though when she came out of the bathroom and was close to the doors that led to the ground she found that there was someone leaning casually against the wall and it looked as if they were waiting for someone. Amy looked up at the sound of footsteps and when she saw Lily she smiled what would have looked like a warm smile to anyone else but her eyes were cold, hard and like targets.

"Lily darling, we need to talk." Before long Lily found that her back was against the wall and Amy was standing right in front of her, her arms crossed examining Lily through her scrutinizing eyes. "I don't care what everyone else thinks Lily, I don't care about the fact that it looks like what you're doing is innocent. The only thing I care about is you staying away from James, Remus and Sirius. You see because you're hogging them, and I want a piece of them. I can't because you're in the way, seducing them, and you're going to stop." She was still smiling that smile that looked nice and warm but her eyes now held a fire. Lily said nothing and Amy stepped closer to where there was almost no space between the two. She gripped Lily's cheek with her abnormally long nails and drew them down leaving four long marks across her cheek. "Understand?" Her voice was almost as quiet as Lily's usually was.

"You're welcome to them, for your information I am a lesbian." She said just as quietly, and since her face remained neutral and she didn't flinch Amy looked at her in disgust and walked away.

As soon as she was out of sight Lily brought her hands up to her cheek and gingerly touched the cuts across her cheek. She couldn't exactly not show up there, but she couldn't show up looking like this. Though others would have seen the third option of healing the cuts, the thought did not even enter Lily's head because she never did such a thing. Finally she combed her hair in front of her face concealing he cuts and made her way towards the rock. She walked up and grabbed the art pad as if hoping it would be enough to keep them from asking questions.

They looked up when she arrived and smiled which she returned. Remus looked at her slowly. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." she said quietly and she realized that she shouldn't have said it that quietly, because she hadn't spoken like that since when she was being hit or right afterward. She knew they realized this too because they looked at each other and looked at her more closely.

"Lily what's that on your face?" James asked quietly.

"Nothing." Though she knew that it wouldn't work, they knew something was there.

Sirius who was closest gingerly grabbed her face and brushed away the hair and grimaced at the cuts running along her cheek. "Who did this to you?"

"Nobody, it was an accident."

"Bull Lily, an accident that has nails." He snapped back but let go of her face.

"Come on let's get you to the hospital wing and get that patched up." Remus brought this up since he could tell that Sirius was getting mad.

"No!" It was Sirius that said this and everyone looked at him. "Lily this is your choice, you're faced with a decision right now at this moment. At this point in life Lily you are in the darkest hole there is, and there are two choices! You can stay down there, in the darkness or you can Pull, haul, crawl yourself out of that death trap. I'm not saying it's going to be easy either, it might take a long time and a lot of pain but you're going to have to realize that there's light at the end of that hole. Now the first step of doing that is telling us who did this, now the choice is yours!" Sirius looked at Lily the mischievous glint that was always in his eyes were no longer there, they instead seemed to be drilling a hole into Lily.

She looked away as if she wanted to say something but she kept her mouth shut, she just couldn't get her mouth to work, she couldn't form that single name. Could it really be that simple, it seemed impossible to her. Could she really start that journey with something as simple as telling a name?

Sirius gave her a minute or two and when she remained silent he shook his head and stood up and shook his head again. "Lily we've done all we can for you." He looked as if he wanted to say something else but instead he walked away, James after looking at both of them slowly stood up and walked with Sirius. This left Remus who looked torn in two almost, finally he got up and walked after the two but when he looked back it was to see that Lily was sitting there with something like shock written on her face.

They were soon out of sight and Lily got up as if in a daze and made her way in the opposite direction wondering why this bothered her so much. She didn't get attached to people, unless it was Morgan, that way she wouldn't have to deal with this kind of stuff. She thought that this would one day come up but she hadn't realized how much she had come to depend on those boys, she didn't realize it was going to hurt this much, and for the first time since the first year she began to get beaten she felt like crying. She found herself in the Quidditch field still wandering in a daze, the words of Sirius echoing in her head when she heard footsteps behind her. She turned in time to see the flash of green and silver robes.

Meanwhile the marauders had made their way to the common room, James and Remus sitting on the couch watching as Sirius paced back in forth in frustration. However there seemed to be something else going on, some other struggle. They didn't now how long they sat there, at least an hour, as they watched him go back and forth before he seemed to decide something inside himself. Sirius walked over to James and looked at him.

"Do you have the Marauders map on you right?"

"Yeah, why?"

He looked slightly embarrassed. "I'm just going to check on her."

Remus smiled at him. "I think what you did was good though, I could tell as we were walking back that she was seriously considering what you had said. It might take her a while to get to her senses though."

"Well I hope I did the right thing too." Sirius said and then whispered to the map and began to search for Lily. He choked slightly in surprise and looked up at the other two. "This is bad!" He said and threw them the map at the others then took off running before they could even begin to understand. Though when they looked down they understood Lily was surrounded by four different Slytherins. They tore after Sirius, it was one thing to leave her on her own, another to leave her with Slytherins.

They took a few shortcuts along the way and when they finally reached the Quidditch field they were all out of breath, and all surprised. Lily was at the far end huddled in as small a ball as possible for a human but instead of being hit by several Slytherins there were instead four unconscious Slytherins. Sirius walked quickly over to Lily and crouched next to her though careful not to touch her.

"Lily, are you okay?" He said quietly he held out his hand and stopped halfway not sure that she would want to be touched or not. He was surprised however when her hands reached up and clasped his in a bone crushing grasp. She looked up and they were amazed to see that she was crying. They had never seen her crying. She had another black eye and a few more cuts but it was nothing compared to the first time they had seen her. Her voice when she spoke was slightly hoarse, not used to talking after crying.

"Sirius, I don't want the pain." It was almost impossible to make out her voice. "Please don't let them hurt me?" She began to cry harder if possible and he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her then looked up at the two slightly bewildered as to what to do next since nothing like this had ever happened to him before. Sometime in between this, she had gone from saying "Don't let **them** hurt me!" To "Don't let **him** hurt me!" and they were sure that it was her father that beat her.

After a while the sobs that shook her whole body quieted though she continued to tremble and they couldn't help but wonder when the last time she had cried was. Sirius looked down at her and said quietly.

"Lily we need to go to Dumbledore's office. We need to tell him what happened!"

Lily looked up at Sirius and he saw something he was sure was terror in her eyes but she slowly nodded. He helped her stand up, but she still wouldn't let go of his hand, it reminded him sadly of a little child, and Lily though she wouldn't say this out loud felt exactly that way. The shock of the realization that she no longer wanted pain seemed to have thrown her off, after all it had been her way of life for the longest of times. Sirius wrapped his arm tight over her shoulder and she leaned into him as he began to walk the way towards Dumbledore's office. People who happened to glance at them while they walked back quickly averted their gaze and walked on not wanting to be drawn into something. James said the password, which he usually always knew since he was up there a lot due to detentions and they stepped up making their way to the office.

Remus knocked quietly and waited until they heard Dumbledore's voice call out to them. When they entered he was smiling, and there seemed to be a twinkle to his eyes since it was James and Remus in first he naturally assumed that they were in trouble. However when his eyes fell onto Lily who was still trembling in Sirius's arms the twinkle disappeared and his face became solemn with a look of sadness. Sirius set Lily down in a chair and pulled up one close to it, because he still couldn't manage to shake that death grip on his hand, and from the terror in Lily's eyes he had no intention of letting go either.

"What can I do for you?" Professor Dumbledore asked quietly.

The boys looked to Lily who opened her mouth to reply closed it and swallowed a few times before continuing on. "I would like to report two attacks Professor." She said her voice barely audible but they knew Dumbledore had heard her. His voice still held the sadness but there was also happiness that Lily was taking the first step that Sirius had spoken of.

"Very well Ms. Evans, please continue."

"I was attacked by four Slytherins."

"And do you know of their names?" Lily shook her head. "Would you recognize their faces then?"

"Their unconscious in the Quidditch field."

This comment seemed to surprise Dumbledore but he slowly nodded. "And the second attack?" Lily swallowed again.

"By Amy…Amy Whitehouse."

"I see, I will have words with these people, you are not to worry about it at all." He paused then looked at her, his eyes filled with a kindness that seemed to be the professor's specialty. "Is there anything else you would like to add to this?" He was sure that she wouldn't add anything but it would be best to at least ask in the off chance.

Lily paused then shook her head. "No professor." Both Dumbledore and Lily could tell that the other three were slightly disappointed by this, but Dumbledore knew it would take more time. "Very well Ms. Evans, I now suggest that you make your way up to the hospital wing and get those cuts and bruises taken care of."

Lily nodded and then the four of them made their way slowly to the hospital wing. When the nurse heard that Lily wanted her bruises and cuts taken care of it looked for a moment as if she was going to begin to cry. Thank fully she did not, instead in an affectionate voice she told Lily to sit on one of the beds and she'd get to work healing those cuts. Lily was looking as good as new all the bruises having faded and the cuts gone, though she was looking slightly tense and stressed. The nurse smiled patted the top of her head lightly before walking away not bothering to ask if she wanted the other scars removed.

They made their way to the common room, Lily breathing slightly more easier had finally let go of her death grip on Sirius's hand, though she still managed to stay close without actually touching. They found a secluded corner once they reached the common room and settled down. Remus presented Lily with her art pad which she had not even thought about in the Quidditch pitch and she smiled a weak smile at him.

"Lily, I know you might not want to answer this, but how come you didn't tell Dumbledore anything else, only the things that happened today?"

"I can't……" She paused but continued talking before Sirius could interrupt. "……at least not yet. I might be able to in the future, but it took almost everything I had in me to do what I did today." She paused again the looked over at Sirius smiling her weary smile again. "After all you yourself said it might take a long time, and a lot of pain. I promise I will tell you one day, just not today."

Sirius patted her cheek after a moment of silence and smiled largely, the mischievous glint back in his eyes and she smiled. From that day forward Lily's eyes no longer seemed quite as glazed as they usually did!

* * *

A/N- Hey guys, I know I was supposed to update some of my other stories before this one but I was struck with inspiration and had to update this one! And I'm sorry it took me so long, I had planned on releasing it earlier like last week but Harry Potter came out, among a few other things so I found myself distracted Anyways thanx to all of my reviewers I hoped you liked this chapter!

-zaria z-  
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-MiXeDuPmEsSeDbOoKs- (and no I was never invisible, I like Lily like that because she sees things and gets to do things simply because the fact she is invisible)  
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Again thanx so much, you guys rock!  
_Maddie_


	8. a sanctuary

-Disclaimer: Anything you recognize as J. is hers, the plot if there is one is mine along with any characters or anything you don't recognize is mine. Enjoy!

-Summary: Lily is abused lonely, friendless, quiet, solitude. She lives in a world not quite reality and she is slowly drowning to the point where she will never be able to return.

-Title: Black Roses Red!

* * *

They spent the rest of the evening in the common room in a corner, talking amongst them. People came in and paid them no notice, and Sirius sneaked off and returned with some snacks later on. But finally when they all realized that no one else was left in the common room they realized that it was time for them as well to go to sleep. Lily was about to walk up the stairs to her room when Sirius's voice called out to her.

"Lily…I'm glad that you decided to take the hard road!" He said looking up at her with a kind smile upon his face. She smiled a small smile back at him.

"I'm not sure if I'm happy about it right now, but I know I will be someday." And then with a smile to the others she walked into her room, closing the door quietly behind her so as not to wake the other members in the room. But as she turned around and saw that there were figures sitting in the middle of the room she knew that wasn't going to be the issue tonight. The light suddenly turned on and there was Amy sitting in the middle of all the girls and looking at Lily as if she were nothing more than a piece of meat.

She stood and sauntered over to where Lily stood, not having moved from the spot when she had turned around. Before Lily could see it coming her head snaked back and the sudden burst of pain in her cheek told her that she had just been back handed by her.

"Bitch!" But Amy said this in an almost cheerful voice. "You sold me out to professor Dumbledore. Are you looking for a death wish?" When Lily said nothing she continued on as if this was what she had been expecting all along. "You've certainly gotten a big head lately, but don't forget your place. You're going to go back to Professor Dumbledore and tell him you made a mistake. I don't care how you convince him; I'll leave that to your imagination. But I have full confidence in your ability to lie to him. Do you understand?"

Amy took a step back as if giving her room and Lily raised her head and looked her in the eyes. Then she summoned what little courage she had left for the day and replied in an equally calm voice. "No, I do know that if you hit me again you will be in Dumbledore's office again." She said this quietly and the look of pure hatred contorted Amy's face to where there was no way anyone else could have been uglier.

"Now if you'll excuse me? I think it would be better if I didn't sleep here tonight." And before any of them could have time to react Lily turned, opened the door she had just come through, and walked back to the common room very quietly. She heaved a sigh of relief when she heard no one followed her, then went and sat on the most comfortable of the couches right in front of the fire and thought about her predicament.

She could go to one of her many secret hideouts, but she didn't have an invisibility cloak like James, and she was sure to be caught. There was no way she was going back upstairs to her room, even if she knew for a fact they were asleep, because she had a feeling that Amy would slit her throat if she got the chance, or if nothing else beat her until the little devil inside of her felt satisfaction. No upstairs was out of the question, which left the couch, and an early awakening so as not to be caught by anyone else. Though this didn't sound very appealing it was the only solution she was willing to give a try.

So as she stared into the fire that warmed her, she began to think of all the revelations of the day. Though she know knew it with her heart, her mind was still having trouble forming the bridge with the knowledge that she didn't want pain. Her entire way of being was going to have to change, and the pain of the future made her inwardly cringe. Sure with her rational mind she could tell herself that this would be very good for her indeed but she had to wonder is she would be able to change. She had been so set in her ways for so long she felt it would be like trying to alter the path of a river, almost impossible. And yet they had invented Dams, and other methods in the future might make this possible, so the same could be said about her predicament.

She hadn't thought she had sat there musing over her internal dilemmas but a voice behind her told her otherwise. "Lily?"

She snapped out of her reverie, jumping at the noise of someone else's voice and turned to see James standing at the foot of the steps in pajama pants and no shirt looking like he had just woken up and thoroughly confused to see Lily down here.

"What are you doing down here?" She asked after they had both finished looking at each other.

"There are no extra pillows and Sirius can snore pretty loudly. What are you doing do- what happened to your face?" James asked before even finishing his sentence after seeing the huge red spot on one cheek.

Lily ducked her head like she always did when a question she was uncomfortable with was asked, but if she was going to see this through she had to. "I don't suppose the answer nothing would suffice?" She asked quietly raising her head to look at James with only a small amount of hope since she already knew the answer.

"Maybe if it didn't look like a handprint." He said sighing and came to where she was sitting and sat next to her.

"Amy didn't like the fact that I sold her out." She admitted finally after James's silent scrutiny got to her. James shook his head realizing that he should have foreseen this. Lily watched him and put a hand to stop him when he was about to stand up. "Please don't start anything James; I'm afraid that you would only make it worse."

"Lily something has to be done about it though, you can't not do anything."

"I know, which is why I told her the next time she hit me, she would find herself back in Dumbledore's office, and I do mean that. But I don't want to start a fight when I can avoid it by letting one hit pass with a warning. I meant what I said." She said her quiet voice actually pleading with him and he realized that this must be harder for her then even they could suspect and starting something more with Amy would make it that much worse.

"Alright." James finally said very reluctantly. "I won't do anything this time, but I'm going to hold you to what you just said, no matter how much of a problem it might cause."

"Okay." She agreed. "Thank you James."

"Yeah, Yeah. You didn't answer the first question though, as to why you're down here."

"You didn't exactly give me time to answer it." She pointed out calmly and at his frustrated expression she smiled. "I didn't think it would be wise for me to sleep upstairs, and since I do not have the gift of having an invisibility cloak, some of my other haunts are not exactly open to me."

James looked at her for a second then replied. "I never said anything about an invisibility cloak." He said cautiously, though knowing that she already knew wasn't going to change much.

"You didn't have to. My mind works just fine, as does most of my common sense." She smiled slightly at his exasperated expression on his face.

"Fine, that one was pretty much a given." James stood up and stretched then looked down as if finally realizing that he was half naked then shrugged it off. He turned to head up the stairs then stopped halfway there turning back around to face Lily. "Well come on don't just sit there."

Lily eyed him for a moment but made no movement that would suggest she was going to follow him. "What exactly are you planning?" She said in a voice that sounded wary.

"Well you can't sleep down here Lily that would be asking for a night of no sleep or for someone to come and hurt you. Nah, we have an extra bed in our room, on account of no one wanting to sleep in the same room with us. You can crash there tonight. I'm sure you'll do just fine since you know all those charms that would make us regret trying something."

"You want me to sleep in your room?" She said it as if she couldn't even comprehend the meaning of such a thing.

"Yeah unless you have a particularly good reason that you shouldn't, and since you have no where else to sleep since I'm not going to let you borrow the theoretical invisibility cloak." He said this with a charming smile and Lily found herself fighting to smile back at him.

She was silent a little too long and he raised his eyebrows. "Well?"

She hesitated a little longer then stood and walked over to James. "Okay." They took a few more steps when Lily's hand came out once more to stop him. "I don't want Sirius an especially Remus acting on what I just told you. I don't care if you tell them, but they can't do anything."

"Okay." James said and was about to open the door when Lily's head shook.

"You have to promise. You will stop them if they try anything at all!" Lily's eyes bore into James and as he looked at them he slowly nodded.

"You have my promise this once. But I can't always hold them back, and sometimes they might not have the wrong idea. But for this once I will make sure that they don't do anything."

Lily grimaced a little at the extra addition that he had added but finally sighed in defeat. "Very well."

James finally opened the door leading to their room, a room in which Lily had never actually seen. Lily stepped in, with a slight lighting coming from James's wand and she couldn't help but blink several times at the huge disaster area that was staring back at her. There were clothes strewn everywhere, text books hanging from places they had no business even being. Something in the corner was bubbling, like a chem. Lab which must have meant that was where they did most of their experiments.

James looked around with her and grimaced, for he hadn't quite thought about the appearance of the room, just the occupants. It was the typical illusion of a bachelor pad, but Lily still made no comment. "Sorry about the mess, I didn't honestly think about that!" He said, a sheepish grin spreading across his face.

"It's okay; it's not as bad as I was thinking it would be, in all honesty." Lily said quietly.

"Well that's a scary thought." James said, with only a slight amount of sarcasm dripping through his words, making Lily's mouth quirk up in an almost smile. "Your bed is this one, and here." He quickly snatched something out of his chest and handed it to her. It was a pair of men's pajama bottoms and a plain white shirt. "I promise they're clean."

Lily took them slowly. "Thank you."

"No problem."

He looked awkward just standing there as if there was something else that he could be doing but finally he just shrugged. "Do you need anything else?"

"No thank you, you've done more than enough." Than with a smile she walked over to her bed and closed the curtains. A second after this a light lit itself through the curtains slightly before they took on a very solid looking stance and James knew she had placed a charm on them. He smiled and crawled into his own bed turning over. However sleep seemed a little farther away than it had been before he had descended down those stairs and he had to admit it was the idea of Lily sleeping just a single bed over. It wasn't something that he was normally used to, an innocent nap was one thing but this was entirely different. Still he managed to drift away into an easy sleep.

Lily meanwhile, after enchanting the curtains to be a little more solid than they normally would slipped into the clothes that James had provided for her and smiled a little at the irony of her situation. Still this wasn't the first time she had crashed at a persons house, usually Morgan's cousin, and it wasn't the first time she had borrowed clothes either. Still as she slipped into the bed and turned onto her side curling up in a ball she couldn't help but feel a wave of security wash over her and for once she smiled as she drifted off to sleep.

It hadn't seemed that long that she was sleeping but the sudden sound of an explosion rocking the entire bed woke her with a start. She stared around her blearily, blinking several times to clear her vision and to make sense as to where she was. That's when she remembered where she was and the reason for the explosion didn't seem as odd as it had just moments earlier. Lily pushed back the hair from her eyes and took off the charm on the curtains then pushed them back to see Sirius kneeling next to what she had seen bubbling earlier with an air of excitement around him. He looked up when he saw something move out of the corner of his eye and when he saw Lily he jumped his hands raising to his chest.

"Lily what are you doing here!" His voice was slightly higher than it usually was and Lily couldn't help but smile a little.

"James said I could commandeer your extra bed. I hope that's not a problem?"

"No not at all." Sirius said then looked at her a little suspicious. "Why would you need to commandeer our bed though?" his voice was quiet and his eyes narrowed. That was when he noticed the still fading red mark on her cheek and his face turned deadly.

"Wait!" Lily said her voice tired. "Talk to James before you go tearing off." When Sirius hesitated she continued. "Please?"

"Fine." He said it as if it was being forcibly dragged from his mouth and Lily couldn't help but smile.

She looked over her face taking on a look of amazement as she noticed the still sleeping figured of James and Remus. "That didn't wake them up?" She asked Sirius and when he looked confused she pressed on. "The explosion?"

"What…that, nah they're used to it. In fact I think no explosion would wake them quicker than an explosion."

"You mean it's a regular thing?"

"Well of course."

"But I've never heard it before."

"That's because we have the room rigged to no one would hear the explosions. But since a complete blackout is strictly against the rules, we only bent them. Explosions and the likes are muted out with professional proficiency but talk and all that other stuff can leak out normally. It's worked fairly well so far." Sirius smiled a devious smile that made Lily shake her head sadly.

"It's a little sad Sirius, the lengths you will go to create your experiments."

"Well if you're not passionate about the things you like, then it seems like a waste of time. If you like doing something and it makes you happy, then you should give it everything you have." Sirius smiled a small smile at Lily when he realized that he was talking quickly a bright look in his eyes and a fire in his voice. "Sorry it's something I'm big on."

"But it does make sense."

"Exactly, just like you and your history. It's not just something you like, you seek out other ways to study and bring it back. You're passionate about your books, and drawings. I think it's an essential way of being."

"You know you come off as a goof sometimes, but you've actually got a good brain in there don't you Sirius?" Lily said her trademark soft smiling filling her face with happiness.

Sirius replied with a mischievous grin of his own. "Don't tell anyone else though, I like my idiot persona, it lets me get away with more." Sirius raised his eyebrows up and down several times as if letting her in on a big secret between the two of them.

Finally Lily looked around d a little more, there was light coming in from one of the windows but she say no clock to tell her the time. It was probably buried underneath the mess of the room. She couldn't help but wonder if they really could ignore this mess. She could to an extent but this was almost to the point of ridiculousness.

"It's close to eight, in the morning of course." Sirius said after watching Lily look over the room, the expressions of disgust in amazement all rolled into one.

"Thank you." She opened her mouth to say more, then paused biting her lip softly as if she was afraid to say more. In answer he raised his eyebrows once more in expectation. "Is the bathroom sanitary?" When Sirius paused she continued further. "Is it sanitary enough for me, not you?"

Sirius looked a little sheepish. "Just let me go check before you go anywhere near there." And before she could say anything Sirius had scrambled up and darted off into the bathroom. For several minutes afterwards Lily could hear the bang of cabinets, and shuffling sounds and finally Sirius appeared a little worse for wear and certainly a little more grimy then he had been when he entered there.

"The bathroom is sanitary enough for you."

"Thank you." She stood and grabbed the clothes that she had worn yesterday and with a nod from Sirius she entered and closed the door. A few seconds later the sound of one of the showers turning on came muffled out from behind the closed door. Waiting a few more seconds Sirius marched over to James's bed, threw back the curtains and smacked him as hard as he could.

James woke swearing and reeling, almost falling out of the bed before he got his balance then squinted until he could see the figure of Sirius, who was looking slightly miffed. "Bloody Hell Sirius what are you doing!"

At this the voice of Remus came over to them. "Well whatever you're doing can you keep it down?" And then there was a pause when Remus sat up and looked at him an expression of faint confusion on his face. "Wait if you two are there….who's in the shower?" He said his voice sort of slow as his mind wasn't fully operational yet.

"Lily's in the shower!" Sirius said, making Remus's eyebrows furrow in more confusion. "Someone didn't mention that she was going to be sleeping here tonight." Sirius said staring daggers at James who sighed, rubbing his hand against his neck. He had been hoping this would be going sooner.

"Lily slept in here? Why was she sleeping in here?" Remus said getting out of his bed and walking over to where Sirius was standing.

"I got up early this morning, hoping to go get an extra pillow from the common room to drown out your snores Sirius when I found her down there." James rolled his eyes At Sirius. "Apparently she had a little trouble with Amy when she got back to her room."

There was a moment of silence, and then the lights in both Remus and Sirius eyes sparked as they realized what they all should have sooner. Remus shook his head in disbelief in his own forgetfulness and Sirius nodded his head in understanding finally knowing where the mark came from.

"And what did Lily do about this?" Sirius said. "And tell the truth James, don't try to protect her!"

"She gave Amy a warning that if she hit her again she'd tell Dumbledore. I was going to do something but she made me promise that I wouldn't and that I would keep the two of you from doing something as well."

"Now wait a second!" Remus said starting to get a little excited.

"No you listen. I don't think we've even begun to realize just how hard this is going to be for her. She meant what she said, you could see it in her eyes, but she doesn't want to start anything more than she already has. We can let it pass this once, but just this once. We'll hold her to her promise from here on out."

Remus looked a little hesitant then nodded his head. "Alright, but just this once."

"Agreed!" Sirius added. "But…" Sirius added making James look a little wary. "..I demand to add a condition."

"Hey you'll have to take that up with Lily not me!"

Just as James finished saying this they realized the water from the shower had cut of just a little while ago, and there in the doorway stood Lily smiling slightly as they all looked a little guilty as if they had been caught doing something they shouldn't have.

"What's your condition?" Lily asked quietly, interested in spite of herself.

"You have to sleep here from now on, permanently. I don't want you in that room with Amy anymore!" Sirius said crossing his hands over his chest as if he was preparing himself for a huge battle.

Lily looked genuinely surprised at this, as did Remus and James, but they both began to smile and look expectantly at Lily. "You would really want me to sleep here, every single night?" She sounded a little incredulous.

"Yes Lily, believe it or not, we love you and care about what happens to you." Remus said quietly. He looked startled though when her eyes widened and she looked as if she might cry. He began to worry if he had something wrong but before he could say anything it was James who spoke.

'Lily….you have been told that you are loved….haven't you?" James said cautiously as he too took in her reaction.

Lily wet her lips, looked down, then back up at them. "Not in a long time in all honesty."

"Well we DO love you and demand that you stay here!" Sirius said in such a matter of fact voice that Lily couldn't help but smile.

"Well I have a condition to your condition." Sirius eyed her and nodded his head at her to continue. "You have got to clean up a little. I don't mind a mess, but this is just disgusting!!" She said looking around at the mess, the same look of amazement on her face as she took it all in.

Sirius smiled. "Agreed."

Lily smiled a large smile at them again, her thoughts happy and warm. No, no one had told her they loved her in a long, long time but now she could say otherwise.

* * *

A/N- okay…well I know some of you might hate me, but I have a few excuses…that won't probably measure up ^^. I have turned eighteen, am working full time, taking piano lessons, and am about to start at a school that teaches Japanese. So my writing, on all fronts has taken a background to that which we call life. But Ta-Da I finally got the chapter up. I hope you like it, and I will try to update more regularly in the future but I honestly can't promise anything. Here are to the reviewers of my last chapter…in case you by some miracle are still reading ^^

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Again thanx for reading and no haven't abandoned just one of those jerks who updates in a sporadic manner ^^. Hope you like.  
-Maddie-


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