House, M.D. 1. Prologue

**While I have read fanfic throughout my years, starting with X-files of course, I have never published my own. I lost touch with the fanfic world over time, life just gets in the way, but I always loved the fantasic ideas people around the world could come up with. Recently, when my favorite show House started to implode one of the greatest love stories...our precious "Huddy" I got curious and internally started to create a story. I held out hopes that next season would be better, but alas my huddy heart was broken once again with the departure of Lisa Edelstein.**

**So now I'm moving onto the realm of fantasy, to create what the House creators never will have the chance to. I do still hold out hopes of a LisaE guest star towards the end of next season...fingers crossed, and I started to imagine how I would create that world on my own. Without changing anything that House has layed before us, I hope to carry on and give closure to all those huddies out there. Like I said this is my first fanfic so I hope I don't screw things up too badly. This is the first in many chapters to come, I hope...  
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**Disclaimer: I own nothing :)  
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><p>Prologue<p>

Cuddy,

As you probably already know by now from the handwriting, this is not Wilson. I stole your address from him. After all he had you listed as Liz Kuttie so it _did_ take a genius to crack that code. If you haven't already stopped reading by tearing this note to shreds, let me begin what I set out to articulate. I'm sorry isn't enough, even in my drug addled and jealous warped mind you know and I know what I did was, well I can't come up with a horrible enough word. You had every right to run as far away from me as you could.

Like you said before, you know I'm screwed up, and I will always be screwed up, but you took a leap anyway with me and I will always be grateful for the time we had together. You should have never taken that leap Cuddy, never given me a chance.

It is a blur to me now; what even happened. I saw you with him and an image of you holding his hand the way you did mine earlier that day crashed into me. Cuddy your touch burned in me as it always has and I just couldn't stop the pain from eating me alive. "I miss you," that's what I should have said in the hallway. I walked away from you and let go of your hand because that was the only way I could stop myself from kissing your perfect lips, from taking advantage of your guilt and compassion. I didn't want your compassion; I'm not capable of receiving it. I have never in my life displayed, given, said, or done anything that deserved compassion. You know this. I realize now that I should have kissed you, stopped the torment in my body and given into my instinct. I will never forget that mistake as long as I live, or every other mistake I have drudged upon you. However I know, and you know, that if I had kissed you then things would have been different that day. There are many things in my life that I choose to ignore, push away, and mask with sarcasm. I chose to do that to you forever the moment I crashed into home, to severe you from my life completely, then maybe the pain would stop. You could go on hating me and in that knowledge I could run away and know that our intertwined lives would be broken for good. The only thing is I can't push you away. You are in my every thought, my dreams, my moments of weakness…

So I came over to get you back. To, once again, flush the vicodin down the toilet and win your heart back. I had no idea what I would say or how I would convince you to give me a chance again, I just knew that you still loved me and that was all that I saw...until I saw him.

The hairbrush, there was a reason it wasn't in the box Cuddy, it was the last thing I had that smelled like you. I didn't want to give up that last piece. It was all consuming. Your smell is an addiction like so many countless others in my life. I knew it would be when you finally gave me a chance. I had studied that smell, mostly from afar, for over 20 years. That's how long you have affected me. From the moment of the party when we danced so close I couldn't see straight, you looked up at me with those piercing eyes that saw all of me, they always have, something changed in me. You were always someone to me and that will never change. You took a piece of me that night all those years ago, I never forgot it and although we both pushed it away for far too long, you can't deny its presence.

I'm not going to pretend that writing you this letter now isn't the same old selfish House trying to get an ounce of forgiveness from the most important woman in my life, I am selfish. I ran to Mexico I crashed into your house and I ran. I can't go back and fix all the mistakes I've made with you but I'm going to try to repair the damage. If I never see your face again then I will have to deal with that. This isn't a shot in the dark to wash away the pain I've cause you and Rachel, but a first of many. I will never stop trying to make you finally understand how important you have always been to me and will be for the rest of my pathetic life. I failed when I had you and I will not fail again. If you never read another letter I send again, I will leave you with this: you are the most incredible woman I have ever known, you are always going to be the most incredible woman I have ever known.

House


	2. Chapter 1

**Here it is Chapter 1. Love that I already got reviews, thank you so much! Like I said this is my first fanfic, and this is chapter 1 :) chapter 2 in progress I should have it up by Sunday. Enjoy!**

Colors, lots of colors danced around her. Fire trucks, ambulances, an array of indistinct people talking at once, but she could not hold onto anything. Nothing made sense. When Cuddy finally emerged from her blurry fog she retreated to, it was Wilson's voice slowly calling her back to reality.

"Cuddy, Lisa…" Wilson gently placed his one good hand on her cheek, "Stand up let's get you out of here." Wilson grabbed Cuddy's hand, pulled her to her feet, and helped her steady herself again.

"I'm fine Wilson; you don't have to make that face." Cuddy said as she un-wrapped the blanket from around her body. She hadn't a clue where the blanket even came from. All she knew at that moment was that her house was broken and the man that she loved had hurt her beyond imagination.

Wilson led Cuddy to his car without her even realizing where he was taking her. Cuddy hesitated, "Wait, I'm fine Wilson I already told you; you don't have to rescue me." She made a weak attempt at a smile, and then faltered.

"Cuddy, you have a hole in your house. You can't stay here tonight. Your Mom already picked Rachel up from pre-school and took her home with her for the weekend. Julia packed you a bag, please don't argue and just get in the car, you're staying with me."

Cuddy exhaled and looked up, it was a beautiful night…it was night, when did that happen she wondered. With a deep exhale Cuddy finally looked into Wilsons eyes and saw her pain reflecting in them. She reached out and grabbed his arm, he was an anchor for her, she knew that; the only one that would understand.

"Thank you," Cuddy said, she let go of Wilsons arm and got in the car.

They drove in silence, neither one having the energy for small talk, nor even an attempt to analyze the drastic chain of events. All Cuddy knew is she didn't want to think, didn't want to analyze anything. She looked down at her lap and for the first time realized she was clutching the police report. The restraining order glared at her and she couldn't bear to look at it. It took all of her not to shed a tear over the last couple hours, not to show her pain, but it finally became too much.

Wilson looked over as the tears slowly rolled down Cuddy's face. He searched for the words of comfort, the famous Wilson advice to make things better, to placate the moment, but came up empty. There was nothing he could say, his best friend had made an irrevocable mess of things and there was no turning back the clocks. He knew House was gone, for how long who knows, but he knew.

Wilson turned into the parking lot and shut off the engine. Neither of them moved, Cuddy silently wiped her tears and tried to compose herself. Why, she didn't know. This was Wilson. She knew there was no judgment from him, and she could let herself be comforted by him. Wilson was the one to move first. He opened his door and went to fetch her things from the trunk. Cuddy followed suit, still clutching the paperwork she got out of the car and followed Wilson to his front door.

"The room down the hall on the left is yours; the bathroom is right next to it. Towels are in the bathroom linen closet…"

"It's okay Wilson, thank you, I know the layout of the house, I was supposed to buy it remember." Cuddy said as she made another weak attempt at a smile.

"Ah yes, I had forgotten." Wilson brought her things to the bedroom for her and placed them at the foot of the bed. When he got back out to the kitchen he noticed Cuddy was perched on a barstool staring down at the paperwork.

"What are you going to do with that?" Wilson asked hesitantly.

Cuddy looked up; she hadn't a clue what she was going to do. A few hours ago she was filled with such shock, and then her shock became rage, that she had wanted to press charges, wanted to hurt him more than anything. Now she didn't have any answers, would having charges pressed against him, against the man she loved for most of her adult life, change anything?

"Where do you think he is?"

"Do you really care Cuddy?"

Cuddy didn't know what to say to that, did she care? How can someone turn off feelings that they've carried for so long?

"I…I don't know." Cuddy looked away. Yes she cared, she always cared. No matter what the son-of-a-bitch does to her she still cares. House was like a drug she needed to kick, an infestation that nothing could remedy.

"Look, Cuddy…it's okay to press charges, he deserves it. What he did was out of control, beyond reckless. It's okay to make him finally for once in his life face what he's done."

Cuddy looked up at Wilson, "I know." Cuddy quietly spoke.

"It's been a long day, how about I run you a bath or something, maybe it will help you sleep." Wilson went to leave as Cuddy arose from her barstool to stop him, "I'm not sure anything will help me sleep tonight, thank you Wilson for everything." She came over to him, slowly remembering that he was wearing a sling, how did that happen she wondered.

"When I saw House come back, I jumped out of the way." Wilson said. Realizing that she had spoken that last thought out loud Cuddy nodded, knowing now that she didn't have all the details leading up to the crash.

"He saw me." Cuddy hesitated. "I know he saw me through the window…having coffee with-"

"Cuddy please, you can't do this, don't start rationalizing his behavior, not tonight."

"Wilson please I need to know the bits and pieces of what happened today. All of it. So I can be done and move on. It has to be now. I don't want to wake up and start re-hashing everything." She paused and took a breath to gather herself; she could feel the tears threatening her again. "The last I saw him we were in the hallway of the hospital, he—we talked, then he walked away."

Wilson looked into her pleading eyes and knew she meant what she said. She could handle it. He began:

"I went to his apartment. He was sitting alone, staring at nothing. We had a fight earlier about his pills. I found out that he was forging my signature again, and realized the amount he was taking. When I told him no more we left it at that, but I knew because of the surgery and—" Wilson cleared his throat, faltering over his next choice of words to her, "—and, because of the fall-out with you, he was fragile. I went over to take him out for a drink, to distract him from doing anything crazy." He noticed Cuddy wince from that last sentence.

"Like I said, he seemed focused, sad, but focused on something. Then he went into his bathroom and got a brush, he said he had to return it to you, that we could stop on the way and for me to wait in the car. We drove in silence, but I knew what he was thinking. Whatever happened with you guys earlier had an effect on him. He was a—"

"We had a fight…" Cuddy softly interrupted. "No, not a fight, I pushed him into talking. To finally clear the air between us and maybe have a chance to move forward…but I pushed. He reacted forcefully at first and then there was a moment—I saw it in his eyes…how much I had hurt him. It was too much for him, and for me, I grabbed his hand away from my arm, he was holding me so tight. I knew in that moment we would never be done, there was always going to be something between us no matter how hard I fought it. All I could say was I'm sorry, I had run away from him, hurt him. There were no other words I could speak out loud. He was so close to me I couldn't think straight. Then he was gone, he let go of my hand and—"

Cuddy was shaking, just talking about the hallway, it was all consuming. She had felt it when she made the rash decision to agree to a coffee date, but she pushed through, kept telling herself that she needed a man that was not royally screwed up. That her love for him would fade if she just tried harder to fight it. She had already walked away from him, left him at his doorway, she couldn't go back and start over, she had walked away for a reason, for her and for Rachel; but she wanted to go back. Every part of her soul was screaming to go after him in that hallway, to make it work. She had loved him for decades, why did she try so hard to deny him a permanent spot in her life? There would be no other man like him, never. As hard as she looked she had come to that clear understanding years before, but this was House. House, she had refused to think or speak his name since the accident, but there it was.

"Cuddy? " Wilson's concern interrupted her thoughts.

"I'm sorry. You can tell me the rest of it. I will be okay."

"We pulled up to your home like I said not much was spoken, but I knew. The way he held the hairbrush I knew, he came to settle something, to finish what you have now told me started in the hallway. He got out and walked up to your home, then paused. I didn't see what he saw but when he came back I was surprised." Wilson stopped talking. He didn't want to hurt her or make her feel guilty, that was the last thing she needed now.

"Wilson?" Now it was Cuddy's turn to interrupt his thoughts.

"Cuddy, I don't know…he was broken, what he saw, hurt him; that much was clear. He was more broken then I have ever seen him, but that's no excuse Cuddy. He reacted like House. His broken heart and pain turned into rage, like it always does. He told me to get out in a very cold voice and I listened, I had no choice. I thought he would drive away, and he did at first, but he hesitated for a moment, turned around and…you know the rest."

Cuddy nodded and looked at Wilson through welled eyes. "Thank you Wilson." Cuddy gathered the papers from the counter and walked towards him. "Now I know everything." She said as she leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She was forever grateful for Wilson, and not just for tonight. "I'm going to try to sleep. I think we both need it."

"Yeah you're right," Wilson said as the throbbing in his arm settled in, "Goodnight Cuddy."

"Goodnight Wilson."

They parted ways and Cuddy went to the bedroom designated for her and closed the door. She started to get undressed for bed when it she saw it, one of his shirts sitting on top of the dresser. It was House's shirt; this was House's old room. Of course! What a perfect ending to a horrific day. He must have spent the night over at Wilson's recently because when she walked over to it she could already smell him. His scent was all over it, it was unmistakable. She would never forget that smell of him. She stopped just short of reaching out to bring it closer to her face. She left it there, untouched, remembering why she was here in this room in the first place.

END OF CHAPTER 1


	3. Chapter 2

**Here is Chapter two. I should have Chapter 3 up sometime tomorrow. I wanted to say thank you for those who reviewed and like my story! This is the first time I have put my writing out into the world for others to judge…which is scary and totally exciting Hope you enjoy!**

Pounding, lots and lots of pounding. That's what finally woke House up from his drunken stupor he fell into the night before. As he begrudgingly emerged from his dreamless sleep he realized that the pounding was coming from the torrential downpour of rain hitting the hastily put together roof of the hut he rented the evening prior.

He blinked the sleep away and looked to his left, startled for a second, but not surprised to see a buxom blonde girl next to him. He winced as he shifted upright noting that the pounding was also coming from his head, and the massive hangover that was starting to form around him. After House surveyed the area he woke up in, it was then that he began to piece together where the hell he was and what the hell happened.

He was in Mexico, he remembered that much. He had driven the nail in the coffin and left New Jersey, with no going back. It was freeing, knowing all the hate that probably emanated from those he left behind. He could finally be done with all of it! Be free from Wilson and Cuddy and the hospital forever, waste his life and money away in another country until he overdosed or drank himself to death. 'Oh what a way to go,' he thought as he not so quietly starting picking things up from around the room in hopes of arousing the busty blonde from his bed so he could be left alone in his misery.

Alone. That's what he wanted right? That was all he ever wanted. It was what was meant to be from the beginning. He tried to be normal, to be a friend in his own way, to solve puzzles and be with the women he always…House stopped his thought. That didn't work; he would not rehash it, not dwell on it, on her.

The girl with a name he probably never learned the night before woke up and started to say something. House held up his hand to stop her and pointed to the door. Voices were only going to make matters worse for his head right now. She made a sour face and huffily got up, got dressed, and flipped him off while exiting the door.

Once she left, House sat back down on the bed while massaging his leg. 'Where the hell are my pills,' House wondered, as he surveyed the small room in front of him. After finding three empty bottles he noticed one last prescription on the floor in the corner of the room and limped over to pick them up. Empty…how much had he taken over the last two days. He found some tequila on the table and took a couple swigs of it to numb the pain, knowing that it would only do the trick for so long until he had to go searching for some pills in town.

After taking a shower and washing the night's events off his body he rummaged for some clean clothes and went out to search for pills. Of course when he got outside he realized there was no way he was going anywhere. It looked like a hurricane was swirling around him, and in the sand he already had a hard time using his cane. House slammed the door closed and reached for the tequila again, knowing that he had a hard day ahead with only a quarter bottle of booze left, no pills, and a couple bags of potato chips on the table. This is exactly the opposite of the day he had planned for himself. He needed to get out, needed his pills, and desperately needed a distraction to quiet his head. At that last thought House's leg began to throb and then the throb turned into pulsating pain. As he slowly began to detox House made his way over to the toilet and waited for the vomiting to begin.

He knew this process well he had been through it before. At Mayfield he had been alone, locked away in a white room screaming out for help, pleading for anyone to fix him. He was alone now just like then and the times before that. The only time he wasn't alone was not a part of reality. A sick hallucination from a delusional man reaching for the one woman he'd ever trusted. Someone he could never have. He knew it then as he had known since the moment he met her; she was never going to be his. Not really. Then the hallucination changed. She kissed him; she had wanted to kiss him, not because she was in pain but because she loved him. Seeing the look in her eyes, the love in her eyes, even though it was in a world he had created, terrified him and made him happier than he had ever felt. It was after that fantasy that House finally realized that he needed to have her. Whatever the cost; whatever he had to do. She couldn't just be an elusive desire anymore. He had to try, to finally hold her again after so many years of pushing her away.

So he fixed himself. Of course Mayfield was a waking nightmare, something he fought against most of his time there. He thought of Cuddy very little during that time, falling back into old habits of denial and doubt. House had never been one to hold out hope. Living with hope was a foreign world to him. He would never be a man Cuddy would want, sober or not. He knew deep down she loved him, he had known for years, but he also knew _her. _Besides being one of the sexist women he had ever been with, she was also the most stubborn. A streak in her he obviously admired but a quality among others that would deter her from ever giving him a chance. So he once again pushed her out of his thoughts, pushed her away like he had done for most of his adult life…until he saw her again.

Seeing Cuddy sober for the first time in years was like an explosion for House. A bomb went off in his heart. She had looked at him through new eyes, he noticed it right away. He might finally be the man she could let her whole heart love. Of course House should have known it would never be that easy, their past twenty years of back and forth should have clued him in. She had Lucas, and he had nothing. He tried, oh how he tried to mess them up. To convince her to finally surrender to what her heart was screaming for all those years. It took her awhile, he knew it would, but he would wait.

The moment she came to him was indescribable, she was there, beautifully in front of him, telling him what she had bottled up for years. It wasn't in House's created world, wasn't because she had suffered a loss, wasn't a hook up at a college party. This was Cuddy, all of her, standing in his bathroom, saying the words he had waited too long to hear. That morning they fit together, like a missing puzzle piece. House memorized every inch of her that day, the way her hair felt on his fingers, how her touch sent shivers through him, the way her hand fit perfectly in his. Every second House got to spend with her from then on, regardless of fighting or self doubt; it was like everything in his life made sense. He would never want anyone else but her for the rest of his existence; he felt that with every inch of himself. She was his forever.

House puked at this last thought, finally succumbing to the queasy feeling he had been holding at bay while trapped in his reverie. It was Cuddy that gave up, somewhere inside him always knew she would. She had left him standing in his doorway pleading for her to stay. He had messed up too many times and that was that. He would never be a good enough father to Rachel; never be the perfect enough man that would match the image she had concocted in her stubborn mind. She broke his heart like he had done so many times to her in the past. Now it was his turn to feel it, to deal with it.

He didn't try to win her back, she didn't want him, and he would have to live with that. By doing every stupid thing in his power to push her further away, reminding her with each step of misery he inflicted why she ran in the first place, he could escape his pain. House retreated back into vicodin and into his dark world like he had done most of his life. It wasn't until he called her in a time of urgency that he allowed himself to remember what he had lost. That beautiful, pain in his ass woman was still there. He had called her and she came. It hurt just to be near her, and House hated it.

Then she pushed him. She forced him to confront his feelings, and everything he pushed away from the moment she left him in his doorway came flooding back. He was angry; angry because he hurt. More than his leg ever had in his life, he felt the torture in his whole being.

When he saw them through the window, something snapped. He knew it. He had to be done. This couldn't go on anymore. If she wanted to take herself away from him completely, away from the bond he had created with Rachel then so be it!

House leaned over the bowl he was grasping with clammy fingers and purged himself once again. Lying down on the cold floor he braced himself for the next few hours. He had to stop thinking about it, about her. That's why he did what he did, wasn't it? Make her hate him! That's what he wanted, it would be easier! To finally free him, and her, from the love that they carried for far too long. Free them? He had been thinking of her for the last couple hours, she was still in every part of him. He might have liberated Cuddy from loving him, but he could never stop loving her. What had he done?

At that last thought, House threw up again on the floor this time and passed out.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3! Thanks again for those who reviewed Hope you continue to enjoy…**

There was no sleeping for her that night. She knew there wouldn't be. Staring up at the ceiling from the chair in the corner of the room she impatiently waited until daylight approached. Cuddy had tried to lie down in the bed, but she stopped herself. Just like the shirt that smelled of him, blaring at her from atop the dresser, she did not allow herself to chance sleeping where he had slept not long before.

After hearing Wilson in the kitchen she made her way to the bathroom to take a shower. She knew he didn't sleep a bit either. Concern for his two best friends was definitely going to hinder any chance he would have to rest. Cuddy submerged her head under the hot spray of the shower and began to finalize her plans she made the night before. She needed to leave, that much was clear. She had always dreamed of taking a sabbatical one day. Escape the hospital with Rachel and with—Cuddy stopped the thought. Not wanting to think further. Of course he was included in that plan; from the moment she finally allowed herself to give in to her long held desire he was included…but not anymore.

The plan was changed. She would take Rachel and go to Europe. Explore all the nooks and special places she had always planned to see someday. Then she would find somewhere to settle down for a bit. Rent a cottage in France or maybe even make it over to Italy, she didn't have all the answers but she had a start. Take her leave of absence and finally escape. Maybe she would never come back, find a hospital overseas and become a practicing doctor again. Her plan was an open one, but it was a plan. She knew in her heart that she couldn't press charges, couldn't ruin his career. All the lives that he had saved, and would save in the future, were ultimately too much to sacrifice on behalf of her anger. He would come back to the hospital, or find another one for all she knew…but _she_ couldn't stay.

After weakly attempting to assemble herself for the day ahead of her, Cuddy made her way out to the kitchen.

"Hey." Wilson greeted as he pushed a plate of eggs and cup of coffee in front of her.

"Thanks." Cuddy said, noting how hoarse her voice was this morning, she sat down. Wilson joined her and they began to drink their coffee in silence.

"So I would ask how you slept but I think I know the answer." Wilson said breaking the silence. Cuddy smiled. "About as good as you I imagine. I heard you pacing the floor all night."

"Sorry about that, I hope I didn't keep you awake." Cuddy gave him an incredulous look which made Wilson smile. 'Good,' she thought, they were both smiling, albeit it was mostly half-assed, but it was a start. Cuddy absentmindedly pushed her eggs around the plate and thought about the best approach to tell Wilson she was leaving. She knew it would hurt him, he would try to talk her out of it…but she had to go.

"You're not going to eat are you?" Wilson asked, breaking Cuddy out of her thoughts.

"I'm sorry, they look great, thank you for making the effort, and for letting me stay here last night."

"You can stay as long as you need. I already called a contractor I know and bribed him to start work today, they are probably arriving to rebuild as we speak. I'm going over there before work so you don't have to worry about a thing, and once you have Rachel back from your Mom's you two can live here until your wall is fixed—"

"Wilson I'm leaving." Cuddy interrupted.

"It's okay Cuddy really, you and Rachel can stay here—"

"No, I'm leaving the hospital. I already called this morning and it's settled. Nothing permanent, just a sabbatical for now, but it's done." Cuddy paused, waiting for Wilson to talk her out of it.

"You can't run Cuddy, that's not going to fix anything. House is already gone, we both know that, and even if he did come back he would be arrested for what he did."

"I'm not going to press charges. House is free to come back to the hospital or stay gone forever. Putting him in jail, what is that going to fix? We both know him, probably better than he knows himself. There are no lessons for House to learn, he has never been willing to fix himself, not completely. Why would this be any different? I have surrounded myself with that man for decades, and been in love with him for all of it. It's enough. I can't be in love with him anymore. It's strangling me…I need this. Take myself away from everything I know, in the hopes of finally ridding myself of him for good…but I can't do that here."

Wilson knew she was right. He had been there too, after Amber's death he thought he could never be friends with him again. He was going to free himself of the madman that he called his best friend for years… but House was hard to shake. He knew how crushing it was to care about a man that would never care about himself. Wilson sighed "You're right." He looked over at her, "I don't want you to leave, but if that's what you need to finally be done with him then you should go."

"Thank you." Cuddy spoke quietly. "Thank you for not trying to talk me out of it." She got up to put her untouched eggs in the sink. "There is one more thing though…"

"What's that?" Wilson saw the hesitant look in her eyes and knew he might not like this.

"When I talked to Human Resources this morning—"Cuddy cleared her throat. "I suggested that you should replace me until I come back."

"Wait, what? Cuddy, I can't—"

"I know it's a lot to ask, and you don't have to accept, but you're the only one who can handle him. If he comes back—I just need to know someone will be there to protect the hospital, and—"

"Protect him?" Wilson interrupted. Cuddy looked down, unable to look Wilson in the eyes. "Cuddy it's okay, I still care what happens to him too." Cuddy met his eyes once again.

She took a shaky breath, "I also need to know that if he _does_ come back, the only way I want him anywhere near my—the hospital again is if he's clean. When he went back on vicodin I should have stopped him from practicing right away, but my guilt over our break-up held me back. Not anymore. He never would have done what he did yesterday if he was sober. I know that. It's no excuse for what he did, but I know in my heart that the drugs played a part. If he doesn't comply then report him to the board, do whatever you have to do, but he has to be free of them."

Wilson got up and came closer to her. "I know…you're right." Wilson grabbed Cuddy's hand, "Look, I'm not sure I want the job, or even know that I can handle it, but I will be the one to supervise House. I will take care of it him if he comes back…I'll make sure to do what it takes."

Cuddy let out a sigh of relief, she felt like she had been holding her breath since yesterday. "Wilson, thank you." She gave him a hug, careful not to hurt his arm further. When they pulled away Cuddy started to walk away. She needed to gather her things, wanting to leave the country as soon as she could.

Wilson stopped her, "I'm only doing this till you come back. Cuddy? You are coming back, right? I mean you can't run away from your life you've created here forever…eventually—"

"I don't have the answer to that yet."

"—and if House does come back, do you—"

"I don't want to know anything." Cuddy whispered. They stood there unmoving for a moment, looking at each other. There was nothing left to say. Cuddy was the first to turn away. She went to gather her things, to start a new life. A life without House.

Wilson went in there after she left, making sure she didn't forget anything she might need. As he went to turn off the lights he noticed something missing. He had picked it up off the floor a week prior placing it on top of the dresser, frustrated with his, (at that moment) passed out best friend…

House's shirt was gone.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 It's another sad one, sorry. They will get better soon! Enjoy!**

It was the smell that finally aroused House from his place on the cold tile floor. Putrid fumes rushed his senses forcing him awake in a jolt of panic. 'Aw yes, he was detoxing. Hours must have passed,' House thought, as he rolled over to his side. He was careful not to touch the dried vomit that was caked all over the floor. He noted that from how dry the floor was and the way his tongue felt like it might start to crumble from dehydration, he might have been out for more than a day. He made a failed attempt to stand at first, trying to grab onto the toilet bowl for extra leverage. Finally with more effort than he cared to acknowledge he managed to get to his feet. House had the jitters, he felt feverish and beyond queasy, but he had slept through the worst of it.

He limped carefully over to the sink and forced himself to choke down a glass of water to wash the sour taste away. Cleaning up the floor would have to wait, he had to make his way to the bed and lay down before he threw up again. As soon as his head hit the pillow he felt better, he methodically started to rub his leg, glad that he was through the worst of his detox. He stared at the ceiling for a while and tried to fall back to sleep, tried to turn off his thoughts, but he failed. He needed his pills! House slammed his fists down hard on the bed. That's why he went back to them in the first place! He was never capable of dealing with pain…'Why would anyone ever choose to feel this?'

House tried to think of anything else, anything besides his agony. It didn't work. He was trapped. He grabbed a pen off the nightstand and dug it in to the palm of his hand. Trying desperately to distract from the excruciating pain in his leg; from the gaping hole in his chest. There was a reason he was here, detoxing once again. He foolishly thought he could manage without vicodin for the rest of his life. He had been clean for so long that he mistakenly held out hope that he would never put himself through this again, never have to experience this hell...but he had been wrong. _She_ had become a replacement, a substitute. A new, beautifully wonderful drug he got to consume freely, without hesitation. She was his, and he was at peace...

When Wilson called him after looking over Cuddy's scans that night, House hung up the phone feeling like he was being burned alive. He never thought he was capable of feeling pain like that. It was different than his leg had ever felt, this was the love of his life, and she was dying. There was no comparing the two. House could live with tens times his pain for the rest of his life…but he couldn't bear the thought of living without her. He had found his elusive happiness, and it was being ripped away from him. He had finally made his way from the pathetic shell of a man he was before, to a man that could be loved. That Cuddy could love...but all that would be gone forever. Just like that.

So he gave into his weakness, reacted impulsively. That was always his way. House remembered swallowing the pill before giving himself time to think about it. He had to stop it, had to numb the pain somehow! She would need him now. House knew he had to control his mind so that maybe he had a fighting chance of being the man to carry her through this.

So he took one, just one…

It didn't work, deep down inside he knew he would never be able to stop _this_ kind of pain...but he went to her anyway, he had no choice. Hoping beyond all else that he could still be the strong one. Could be the man she needed him to be. When he saw her lying there, in the dark, she looked so small to him. A tiny beautiful creature so out of place in that cold stark hospital room. He stayed rooted to his place standing in the doorway for what seemed like hours, screaming internally at himself to go to her, willing his legs to move and lie down next to her; to protect her...but she had always been his protector, his strength, not the other way around. He would never admit that to her, but that was the truth.

She had sensed him there; it was too late to runaway. When she turned and locked eyes with him that was all he needed. He went to her without thinking a second longer. He apologized, wanting nothing more than to know that he wasn't too late, that she could count on him, could forgive him for not being there sooner.

House tried to stop his thoughts again in that moment. He didn't want to think about how it felt to hold her all through the night. How he had run his fingers through her hair the way she liked and soothed her to sleep by telling her dirty jokes. How he stayed awake until morning just watching her, sound asleep wrapped in his arms...he had finally given her comfort, something he always felt incapable of.

"ENOUGH!" House screamed out loud. He couldn't take it anymore. That was the past. He had driven a car through her house in order to keep _her_ in the past! She wasn't going to be his future, wasn't going to be a part of his present. God, he had to sleep!

With that last agonizing thought, the stress of the outburst, and serious lack of any food over the last day or two, House finally got his wish. He passed out lying on the bed; a small pool of blood forming around his punctured hand, but it would not be a restful slumber...

_She was there; he knew it before he opened his eyes. Standing in his doorway, just like that. He could see the rain and wind swirling behind her, making her hair flow like an otherworldly creature._

_"Cuddy?" House managed to speak through his shock. She was here? In Mexico? How did she even find him? _

_She closed the door and walked closer to the bed. She looked scared, like she had been lost for a long time...but House only saw that in her for a second, then it was gone. In its place he saw anger, pure anger pulsating from ever part of her soul. She stopped just inches away from the foot of the bed; he could feel her rage at him more than he had ever felt anything in his life. He had invoked "Cuddy" rage many times before, he knew the process well...but this was different. He saw her struggle for words to say, for a proper way to start what he knew would be a fight, The Fight. She looked so angrily beautiful, just looking at her in that moment made House smile. He knew he shouldn't, that he would further invoke the wrath of Cuddy...but he couldn't help it._

_"You're smiling!" Cuddy exclaimed loud enough to block out the crashing thunder sounds surrounding his shabby hut._

_"No." House replied, forcing his smile down as best he could. He shifted so he could sit upright in bed, knowing that he didn't have the strength to stand on his feet quite yet. 'Probably better that he didn't stand,' he thought, Cuddy looked like she might knock him flat on his ass anyway."How did you find me anyway?" House asked making sure he looked serious so she wouldn't pummel him to death._

_"I looked at your credit card statement. Isn't that hard to figure out especially when you've dated a private investigator in your past...Not that that's the point!" Cuddy slammed both of her hands down on the edge of the bed frame, griping it tightly. House waited for her to get it out, whatever she needed to say."Why House?" she asked, calmer than she had said anything else up to that point. "Why would you do that to my home? To me?" House shifted in bed, his leg started to feel like swords were being pushed through his thigh. He couldn't handle this, not now, not without drugs."You could have killed me! You could have killed any one of us-"_

_"Like him?" House cut in. He knew he shouldn't, knew he should just apologize to her. Tell her what a horrible mistake he had made._

_"Don't you dare do that. Turn this around on me like it's my fault. Like I created this so you would have no choice but to drive your car-"_

_"I wasn't trying to kill you Cuddy. You know that I would never..." House stopped himself when he saw her face. He had to do better than that. "Look I saw you motion for them to leave the room, I knew that no one was in there and I knew Rachel was at pre-school, I would never have done-"_

_"Don't tell me what you would never do. Like I'm supposed to know your limits anymore." Cuddy paused, "You're crazy House." she said that last part softly, sadly. Not wanting to admit out loud that she dated a crazy person, allowed a maniac around her child._

_"I'm not crazy Cuddy...I'm broken." Cuddy looked into his eyes then, their gazes locked. Neither one said anything, both frozen in each others expressions._

_"And I broke you, is that it?" Cuddy said with a heavy heart._

_"No. I've always been broken, and you have always known that...but when I was with you-" House cut off his own thought, he was never capable of having these kinds of discussions. Never able to handle his own admissions of failure, especially not with her...but seeing her standing there, so completely broken herself, he knew he had to try. Try for her. He owed her that much. "Cuddy, I'm sor-"_

_"I don't want your apologies House, that's not what I came here for." _

_"Then why did you come?" House said softly. She looked away, he had asked the wrong question, a question she hadn't asked herself yet. He saw her move towards the door. It was too much for him to handle. He wasn't ready for her to leave, to walk out on him again. He needed to be in her presence, even if she hated him now; he still needed her with him. House used all the strength he could muster to go to the door, to stop her from leaving forever._

_"Cuddy, please don't...stay and yell at me." He grabbed her arm, gently. Just touching her was amazing, that feeling would never die, never weaken. It pulsated through his entire body. _

_"House please..." she didn't turn around and meet his gaze, but she allowed him to keep his hand on her. That was all he needed. He guided her back to him, turned her around so she had to face him; had to meet his eyes once again. He was going to kiss her. She knew it, but she didn't stop it. House let go of her arm and put both hands up to her face, caressing her cheeks. He started to wipe her tears away, tears that he had put there. It was an action he had never been able to do before. House leaned into her then, knowing that he needed more, needed to feel her lips again, and she was going to give him his chance! He kissed her then, hesitantly, like he had that morning she came to him in the bathroom. He didn't want to scare her, but he didn't want to give her time to react, to realize she should pull away._

_House never wanted this moment to end...she was the only thing that ever made sense...and he wanted to be lost in her touch forever…_

_Then suddenly she was gone, like she had disappeared through the doorway. It didn't make sense! House screamed out after her, pleading for her to come back, as loud as he possibly could. He could see her running away through the rain, but he couldn't reach her. Something was holding him back! He had to touch her again, she couldn't be gone…_

"_Wait!" _House sat up shaking. His heart beating like it would burst out of his chest. It took him a moment to realize the dream. To accept it as just another hallucination, another horrifically concocted piece of fiction that his tortured mind could come up with. He had to catch his breath, slow his heartbeat down. House sat still trying to shake the dream, shake the fear out of his body. She had felt so real, so close to him, and he got to touch her, caress her face.

He needed to do that again! House had never been so sure about anything else in his entire life. He needed to do it again, in reality this time; he needed to fix her pain. His pain…

He needed her.

"_RING…RING…" _The ringing of the phone startled House back into the present. He hesitated, and debated whether or not to answer. "_RING..." _it couldn't be anyone he knew, no one knew where he was. "_RING…"_ House glanced at the doorway, chancing a sliver of hope, but he came up empty. "_RING…" _He finally reached out to answer.


	6. Chapter 5

**Sorry this took so long! This picks up from the end of the last chapter. Next chapter already in the works, should be up soon :) **

"…RING…"House reached out to grab the phone, wincing as the pain in his newly punctured hand finally crept into his muddled brain.

"Yeah," House answered, not sure he wanted to deal with who could possibly be on the other end, but he desperately needed food so he knew he would have to talk to someone eventually.

"House?" Wilson's voice became unmistakably apparent to House as he sat back trying to rack his brain for a response.

"No this is Ben Dover…you must have reached me by mistake." House replied not masking his voice in the least. He didn't have the energy for this; there was nothing House wanted to hear from his friend, nor anything he wanted to say.

"House, stop." Wilson angrily answered.

"How did you find me?" House requested. He was not going to play this game, not going to give in to Wilson's nagging lectures, not this time.

"What does that matter, I found you. I knew you would abandon your mess, you always do." Wilson let out forcefully, not afraid to get to the point. Their friendship had never been about censorship, always about the ultimate truth.

"Great Mom, thanks for calling me to tell me I've lived up to your expectations, now if you will excuse me I have a couple ladies here that are about to start making—"

"House cut the crap. What the hell did you do?"

House rubbed his leg. He didn't have a clever enough retort. The last two blurry days had been filled with nothing but that question, nothing but flashes of her. "Well since I didn't _do_ anything directly to _you_ I suppose I don't have to answer your question." House wanted nothing more than to evade this question. It was too soon, he needed more time to process. More time to clear her out of his every waking thought.

"Besides you injuring my arm with your insane stunt, you also shattered the love of your life, for the last time House."

"What do you care? This isn't your relationship, for once in your life stay out of my business."

"It's hard to stay out of it when I'm the one left to pick up the pieces for you."

"No one asked you too!" House was pissed, the last thing he needed was a failed attempt at a guilt trip.

"Cuddy, asked me too." Wilson replied, his voice sounded cold and distant to House, something he hadn't felt from him friend since Amber's death.

"What do you mean?" House wasn't sure he wanted this answered, afraid of what he had ultimately caused.

"I mean she's gone House, she left the hospital."

House's breath caught in his chest. This couldn't be, she wouldn't leave, just like that? She was too stubborn for that. She would want to take a stand, make his life a living hell…

"You've finally done it. I'm not sure I thought it was possible for you to destroy the love of your life so completely to shreds like you've achieved. Dealing with your anger like a fourteen year old instead of facing up to how you feel and for once in your asinine life have a conversation like a—"

"Stop!" House interrupted, not bearing to hear more of his tirade. He rubbed his leg, the pain so overwhelming to him he couldn't think straight."Wilson please—"House started to say, the words coming out of his mouth without even processing them. He could hear his voice hitch; feel his throat closing up…aching. It surprised him. Shocked him back into the sober world he had once again chosen to become detached from.

Wilson didn't know what he heard, only aware that he had hit a point with House, had actually broken through to his emotionally stunted best friend. "Look House—"

"She left, is she coming back?" House cleared his throat choking back the lump in his throat, pushing it aside like he was so accustom too.

"She didn't know, but she asked me to replace her…she officially took a year off, then she has to decide what she wants."

"Great, so she will wallow in her home for a year? That's a brilliant idea. She will go crazy and be back at the hospital in a month."

"You think you have it all figured out House. That the great Dr. House with his crystal ball knows all of us better than we know ourselves. This time it isn't fixable, but I don't think you ever intended it to be. She hurt you more than you will ever allow yourself to feel. The problem is, if you had given yourself a chance to try and _truly_ feel **ANYTHING** in your miserable life, you would have never lost her in the first place! The really sad thing is you never fought to win her back, to really think about what she was saying and maybe, just maybe listen to her. Yes she gave up, but you did nothing to quell her fears, you only proved her right!"

House was quiet. He wanted to hang up, it would be simpler. It was better than the alternative; better than having to hear this truth. "You're right… but I proved her right only because she expected me to from the beginning, she never gave me a chance." House said this more to himself then to Wilson, he leaned forward sitting on the side of the bed, rubbing his face with the palm of his hand.

Wilson was quiet, slowly processing his words; hearing more sadness from House than he had ever heard over the course of their friendship. It was shocking, Wilson knew right away his friend was clean, there was no mistaking it, "House, why don't you come back, we can talk about this in person. I _am_ your boss now so—"

"You mean Cuddy didn't report me to the board, the police?"

"No she didn't press charges…she said she couldn't."

This surprised House, sure that she would make him pay for damaging her home and ruining her cozy date. He was scared of the quiet, he had pushed her too far, she didn't care enough to play their cat and mouse game anymore. 'We're good, just like this. You push my buttons, I push yours'

"Until it's too far…" House thought out loud, unaware he was responding to his own internal thought, a fond memory.

"What?" Wilson asked worried about the state of mind his friend might be trapped in. He needed to get him home.

Suddenly it hit him, "She _actually_ left didn't she?" House spoke quietly, already knowing he was right.

"Yes, she left the hospital, I already tol—"

"No…she left town."

Wilson was silent. He wasn't ready to reveal that part of the puzzle to his damaged friend, wanting to save that for after he came home; knowing the impact it would have. "…Yes, she took Rachel and left the country. She's taking the year to travel…" Wilson stopped talking, he couldn't sugar-coat this, it was what it was, and House did what he did. The only thing left was to try and move forward.

"Well thank you Wilson for calling to catch me up with all the town gossip." House sarcastically responded. He brought the phone with him as he began to pack his things, he needed to get home; wherever she was he would uncover eventually, but he needed to be back in New Jersey to have any hope of finding out more. "You sure know how to bring joy into my life."

"House shut up, I can hear you zipping a bag up. You're coming back, that's all that matters. You certainly have a lot to clean up."

"_Wilson shut up._" House mocked, "What I_ had_ left to clean-up, thought it necessary to leave to country to get away from me. I'm pretty sure that mess is dead and buried for good." House wasn't going to mention he was still going to try. After feeling her in his dream just minutes before, he could think of nothing else but finding some glimmer of a path back to her. Now that she had left the country made it near impossible…but he was going to try, he had too.

"She'll be back House. It's only a year…but you can't go backwards."

"I'm well aware." House hung up, he would be back soon, Wilson's analysis could wait till his head wasn't about to fall off his body. He was near delirium. Sober was not working for him, the pain was almost unbearable. It was like he was feeling everything all at once; it was one of the most excruciating moments in his life…but he had to push through it.

House rummaged around the room basically just throwing things off the ground into his bags. He had packed in a hurry to get out of the country in the first place; he would do the same in returning home. He bent down carefully to pick up his wallet, noting how broken his body felt just performing that simple maneuver. He noticed it sticking out before he even realized what it was. The picture that he _had_ taken of her on Halloween, she was right when she accused him that day of already knowing his secret. Cuddy was Sleeping Beauty; he remembered that night crystal clear…she was so beautiful. It was a work party. House of course went for the free food, but he immediately forgot that when he saw her; noticing her as soon as she walked in…like he always had. She was consistently the sexiest women in any room she entered, and it was truly the case that night…but she was also angry with him, he remembered that too. He wanted to kick himself for pissing her off earlier that day, knowing that she probably wouldn't give him the time of day because of her fury.

House pulled the picture out of the place in his wallet he had so secretly tucked it away in years ago. It was wrinkled at the edges but her face was still there. It was a candid picture, a profile shot of her standing amongst many others, but it was her smile. The way it made him feel when she smiled like that…another affect she had on him he had never admitted to her. It was a few weeks later after that party he noticed the photo of her, it was tacked to a bulletin board in the nurse's lounge. He was actually hiding in the nurse's lounge to avoid Cuddy for clinic hours, and stealing food from the nurses. House saw the picture and knew he had to take it, without thinking he grabbed it and put it in his pocket. When he turned around she was standing there, but she never mention the picture, just started to ramble on about some hospital inspection. He was never sure if she caught the innocent moment she had walked into.

House absentmindedly rubbed his finger over her face in the photo, when he realized his motion he stopped himself, frowning inwardly at his emotional bursts he had experienced over the last two days. He put the photo back into his wallet, but not before recalling her again that night in his photographic memory. She _had _talked to him, he was wrong in his assumption. He remembered studying her; watching her from afar talking to some idiot he knew wanted nothing more than to get her dress off. Once she reached for her second glass of wine he made his move, knowing this was his window before she became too tipsy or stayed too sober too give him a chance. He would never forget their conversation that night, once she saw him she immediately ignored her former suitor, it was a moment that did not go unnoticed by him. She pretended to be angry still at first but House knew better, she was open, flirtatious even, at the time it turned out to be too much for House and he never took the chance to ask her to dance…another regret.

House sat down on the bed, winded from the whirlwind of emotions; loving nothing more but too push them away like he was so accustom too in the past. He wanted his pills. House massaged his leg knowing that he had to accept it, the vicodin couldn't win again; he wanted her more. This was his last chance, it was all or nothing. He was going back to undo what he so vehemently accomplished, too mend their shattered hearts. All that was left to do now was to find a way back in…a way back to her.


	7. Chapter 6

**Longest chapter yet Hope you continue to like my attempt at some Huddy closure!**

_It was too dark to see anything clearly. As hard as she tried to strain her eyes, Cuddy could only make out the shapes and shadows that engulfed her. She was frightened, unsure of where she might be. All she could feel was the fear creeping around her. It felt like it would devour her whole…She needed him, he would protect her. _

"_House?" Cuddy called his name. It felt strange to her to speak it out loud, as if her voice was being swallowed up in the darkness._

"_House!" she heard herself call out once more, scared that he wouldn't answer, wouldn't come to her rescue. Cuddy stretched her hands out in front of her, blindingly attempting to find him. She tripped over something in the room and stumbled forward, when she hit the floor she stayed there burying her face in her hands, completely terrified of being alone in the bitter dark._

_It was at the moment she felt him, his hands surrounded her whole body, guiding her back to her feet. She immediately felt relief, he was there. She placed both her hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat pulsate beneath her touch and leaned in to him; overjoyed to be in his arms. He let go of her, too quickly she thought, and reached around her. With a spark the room filled with a small glowing light, revealing to her that she was merely in her own bedroom. _

"_The neighborhood blew a fuse while you were sleeping. I just went to get candles." House spoke, looking at her with curiosity and amusement. Cuddy bowed her head, hiding her humility. When she finally chanced to look back up to him she saw him grinning back at her. She wanted to kiss that amused smile right off of him._

"_Shut-up House." Cuddy spoke through the smile already forming on her face, taking notice on how damn sexy he looked by candlelight. _

"_I think I can come up with a way to shut me up…pretty sure it would be a win-win compromise." House spoke this as he threw his cane aside and placed his hands on either side of her face, coming in perfectly close to her; encasing her senses with his presence. He began kissing her softly all over, her cheeks, eyebrows, nose, neck…taunting her._

_It was heaven, the way he could still create that indescribable feeling inside her when he was near. It was something she had searched for her whole life…_

"Mommy..." _Cuddy stirred, aware of her daughter calling for her_ _attention_, _breaking the spell_.

"MOMMY_…" She could hear Rachel in the distance but didn't want to open her eyes, still trapped in that middle between sleep and reality. She couldn't leave her dream, not yet. It felt so good to stay in that warm place her subconscious had so specially crafted for her…for her and him._

"MOOOOOMMMMY!" Rachel bellowed this latest cry for attention while climbing up on her Mothers blankets. Cuddy felt the weight shift in her bed, finally pulling her away from the last bit of fantasy she had spent the night surrounded in. She could still feel his stubble tickling her cheek.

"Rachel, honey, don't shout." Cuddy said rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "I'm up." Cuddy shifted in bed and grabbed onto her child, making her giggle as she pulled her under the covers with her, cocooning them inside a dark tent of pillows and blankets.

"Mommy, you's silly." Rachel said through bursts of laughter.

"That's because I have a silly daughter that wakes me up at the crack of dawn every morning." Cuddy said holding her daughter by her side. They stayed that way for awhile, holding each other. This was their morning routine, cuddling up and sharing their dreams from the night before.

"Sooo, tell me," Cuddy said gently while running her fingers through her daughters hair. "What happened in your dreams last night? Must have been something good considering how you bounded in here like a wild animal this morning. Spill!" Cuddy emphasized this last word by tickling her tummy.

Rachel continued to giggle and shake around under the darkness of the blankets. Finally she settled down. Cuddy could make out her daughter trying to collect her thoughts, get her story in order to share properly. 'When did she get so grown-up?' Cuddy wondered. Her daughter had brought more joy to her life than she had ever thought possible. She didn't want it to go by too fast.

"Ok." Rachel said looking over to her Mom making sure she had her undivided attention. "I was on a ship. A big blue ship! It had sparkles, and there's were a unicorn on it too. I know's it was a unicorn cause—cause I saw it's horn. And then there were some bad guys that came. They were's them mean pirates. But I was not scared cause my friend was on the ship too. He told me that he was going to_ eat up those baddies_!" Rachel giggled once more at that last memory, obviously re-living parts of her dream through her own narrative.

Cuddy knew in that moment she was talking about House. He had introduced that filthy pirate cartoon to her which became her daughter's ultimate obsession. "So did he eat them up like he said?" Cuddy asked.

"Yep! Of course Mommy, House is very brave. He eat them all up and then—and then he spit them out into the sea." Rachel smiled in fondness; so proud of her protective friend.

"Mommy Is House gonna come over today maybe?" Rachel asked with her big eyes pleading for the answer she wanted so desperately to hear. Cuddy was waiting for that question; she was all too familiar with it recently.

"I'm sorry Rachel not today. Remember I told you that we live too far away from him now. We crossed a big ocean and it's much too far for House or any of our other friends to come see us." Cuddy softly reminded her, knowing it wouldn't be enough to stop the daily questions.

"Maybe he can take the ship, like the one in my dream!" Rachel said as she unwrapped herself from her mom's embrace, too excited to contain this last thought inside she threw the covers off and bounced away from bed.

Cuddy knew she missed him, more then she wanted to admit to herself. She had worked so hard to break away, free herself from his hold on her, and Rachel. It had been over two months since the day he crashed into her house, since the night he broke her heart for the last time…but he was still with her…everyday.

In her dreams he was that wonderful, crazy man she allowed herself to finally be with. The man that drove her absolutely insane, but also the person who made her feel more alive than she had ever thought possible. The dreams were always different, sometimes sexual, sometimes just a conversation, but when she would wake her heart would break all over again; mourning for the man she could never have; the one who only existed in her dreams.

Cuddy got out of bed, too sad to think any further on the fantasy…on him. She had managed to get out of the country in a matter of days, only stopping back home once to gather a few special things she might need for her and Rachel. The hole was sealed up that next day like Wilson had promised, the hole in her heart would take much longer to fix.

Cuddy and Rachel had traveled around quite a lot over the next month. Rachel actually enjoyed her "Mommy and Rachel adventures," a phrase she came up with herself. Cuddy loved sharing this experience with her, it was more than she had ever expected. Rachel was maturing before her eyes each and every day there was something new; something special she accomplished.

They had finally settled down from their adventures and rented a small cottage in Western France. A beautiful little place painted all white with a small back porch leading to a beautiful garden. In it there were fresh herbs, flowers of every variety growing wildly, and a tree with a swing for Rachel. Cuddy had never seen Rachel so exhilarated before, but then Cuddy sadly realized it was because she never usually got to spend this much time with her daughter…work always kept her away.

When the decision to leave the country was decided, she remembered her friend mentioning something about people trading houses for extended vacations from different countries and she found this one available right away. It was in a city in Normandy called Caen, and it was beautiful. Being there brought a certain peace to her that she never expected. She was able to reflect, and start to analyze her choices; to truly look at herself and the messes she had created.

The only problem was her plan of escape wasn't actually working. She couldn't shake _him_. House was still with her, everyday. It hadn't worked…and it was driving Cuddy crazy.

Cuddy shook her head trying to jolt the memories of him away. Rachel was sword fighting around the room, cracking herself up with the special moves she was creating. Cuddy smiled at her, secretly liking her daughters new passion; her pirate obsessed little girl.

'_Knock. Knock_,' the sound of the mailman at the door snapped her into the present. 'That must be the package that her Mom had sent Rachel.' Cuddy pondered, she had been expecting it for a few days now, as did her eager daughter. It was Rachel's birthday the following day and she was not a fool when it came to presents, she was like a bloodhound always on the hunt to discover her future treasures.

When she opened the door there was indeed a package at the threshold, she picked it up as she also noticed a card; it was from Wilson. Cuddy hesitated when she saw the return address. She told him she didn't want to know anything, but assumed this was probably going to be a Birthday card for Rachel and nothing more.

Once Cuddy had settled down in Caen she had called Wilson. It was the first time they had spoken since the morning she left his home. Cuddy struggled before she finally decided to call him, finding it more difficult then she had imagined to make any sort of contact to that world she had run away from. He was kind, like she knew he would be, and he held true to her wishes…House was never mentioned. It took all of her during that phone call to not inquire, not give in to her absolute desire; to find out if he was ok. It was in that one phone call that she had given him her address, knowing that he wouldn't betray her trust and give it to House.

"Is that for me?" Rachel ran into the room when she saw her Mom bring in the small package. Cuddy was startled out of her reverie she was unaware she had slipped into…something that had been happening a lot lately.

"Yes, I think it might be…but I'm pretty sure today is not my little girls Birthday. Aren't we supposed to wait and open our presents on our actual Birthday?" Cuddy teased, she knew she wasn't going to try and win this battle, her daughters beyond excited expression was too cute not too indulge.

"_Mommy_, _please_…Um, maybe the mailman bringed it today cause-cause Grandma told him too." Rachel pleaded with her Mom, brushing her messy tangled hair away from her face so that Cuddy could truly witness the puppy dog eyes Rachel was concocting for her.

"Hmmm, well ok." Cuddy smiled, "If the mailman brought it today then I guess we can make an exception. Here you go." She handed her daughter the small package and kissed her on the forehead. Rachel took it and leapt away with delight. It was only moments before her daughter was back asking for help to open her precious Birthday gift.

Cuddy went to the kitchen and found some scissors to open the gift. She placed the rest of the mail on top of the counter; once again noticing the letter from Wilson, still torn between curiosity, and not wanting to know what was inside. She slit the tape down the center, opening it just enough so that Rachel could still feel like she got to unwrap it.

'Here you go." Cuddy handed it back to Rachel and turned back to the letter blaring at her from the counter. She was going to have to get to it eventually, and it was probably nothing, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she didn't want to know what was inside.

It was the handwriting that she noticed first when she finally opened it, she knew who it belonged too. It wasn't a Birthday card for Rachel; not a letter from Wilson. This was House…

"MOMMY!" Rachel shrilled as she came bounding back into the kitchen, shocking Cuddy back to the present moment. "Look what I got!" She held up her new treasure beaming from ear to ear as she twirled around the kitchen filled with new elation. She was holding a stuffed unicorn, a small one, perfect for cuddling.

"It's just like the one in my dream Mommy!" Rachel was over the moon, Cuddy was unsure of how her presents would be received tomorrow, that unicorn was sure to overshadow the rest. "I'm gonna name her Housie." Rachel shouted with delight clutching her new best friend tightly to her chest.

Cuddy flinched at the chosen name. It was then that she saw the note that her daughter was also holding. "Did you want me to read the note to you that Grandma sent with it?" Cuddy distractedly asked torn between her daughter's attention and the letter from House she had just uncovered.

"Grandma didn't give me this Mommy, House did. He did, he did, he did…"Rachel sang back at her looking into the face of her unicorn. Cuddy was taken aback, "What? Rachel how do you know this is from House, we haven't even read the note yet?"

Rachel stopped and looked up at her Mom. Cuddy swore she saw her daughter roll her eyes at her Mother's ignorance. "Cause Mom, House knows that unicorns are for to get those baddies off our ship! Bad pirates are scared of unicorns cause—cause they are too pretty for thems to look at!" Rachel said this final point while placing her hands on her hips like a thirteen year old.

"Read the note Mommy!" Rachel handed the note to her Mom. Cuddy reached out a shaky hand to grab the note offered to her. She knew she had no choice but to read what it said…out loud.

"_**Ahoy matey**_**."** Cuddy began, already choking back tears that she couldn't allow her daughter to witness.

"_**I here's it's your Birthday. So's I sent ye this here unicorn to save you from those scurvy dogs when this filthy bildge-rat can't protect his buccaneer**_**. **_**So batten down them hatches and this here unicorn will do the rest. Take heed to hide our booty where you see fit, and hang 'im from the yardarm he who tries to pilfer our doubloons! **_

_**Signed,**_

_**Your Bloody Scallywag**_

Cuddy finished the letter and looked down at her daughters beaming face. "See Mommy, I tell you House brung it to me." Rachel held her unicorn close to her, snuggling her face in its fuzzy mane.

"You were right." Cuddy said while trying to maintain composure, she noticed that she had taken a seat on a barstool, completely unaware she had moved at all. Rachel grabbed the note from Cuddy's hand and kissed it, a motion that did not go unnoticed by her shaken Mother. She ran out of the room then, filled with such joy…joy that House had created for her.

Cuddy reached for the letter she had opened moments before, knowing that now was as good a time as any to further open the wound he had already unfastened by sending Rachel the perfect gift.

_**Cuddy,**_

_**As you probably already know by now from the handwriting, this is not Wilson. I stole your address from him. After all he had you listed as Liz Kuttie so it did take a genius to crack that code...**_

"Of course_**." **_Cuddy thought out loud. She should have known he would find a way, always taking what he wants; damning what anyone else needed. She wanted to stop reading, rip it to shreds, to finally stop giving him his way! It was her need to know, to hear what he could possibly have to say, that made her continue.

_**If you haven't already stopped reading by tearing this note to shreds…**_ Cuddy smiled, she couldn't help it. He would always know how she thought…_**let me begin what I set out to articulate. I'm sorry isn't enough, even in my drug addled and jealous warped mind you know and I know what I did was, well I can't come up with a horrible enough word. You had every right to run as far away from me as you could.**_

Cuddy was taken aback, House so rarely admitted defeat, owning up and recognizing his mistakes was_ never_ something he shared openly._**… Like you said before, you know I'm screwed up and I will always be screwed up, but you took a leap anyway with me and I will always be grateful for the time we had together, you should have never taken that leap Cuddy, never given me a chance.**_

Cuddy put the letter down on the counter to wipe her tears away from her cheeks. She couldn't stop her emotions…this was too big to push aside. House had never put his thoughts down on paper like this for her to read freely. The only notes she ever got from him through the history of their twenty-plus year relationship were fake memos and smart-ass notes. This was different. He was more honest, more eloquent then she ever thought possible. It was overwhelming…but she picked the letter back up. She had too.

_**It is a blur to me now; what even happened. I saw you with him and an image of you holding his hand the way you did mine earlier that day crashed into me. Cuddy your touch burned in me as it always has and I just couldn't stop the pain from eating me alive. **_

_**"I miss you," that's what I should have said in the hallway. I walked away from you and let go of your hand because that was the only way I could stop myself from kissing your perfect lips, from taking advantage of your guilt and compassion. I didn't want your compassion; I'm not capable of receiving it. I have never in my life displayed, given, said, or have done anything that deserved compassion. You know this. **_

_**I realize now that I should have kissed you, stopped the torment in my body and given into my instinct. I will never forget that mistake as long as I live, or every other mistake I have drudged upon you. However I know and you know that if I had kissed you, then things would have been different that day. There are many things in my life that I choose to ignore, push away, and mask with sarcasm. I chose to do that to you forever the moment I crashed into your home, to severe you from my life completely, then maybe the pain would stop. You could go on hating me and in that knowledge I could run away and know that our intertwined lives would be broken for good. The only thing is I can't push you away. You are in my every thought, my dreams, and my moments of weakness…**_

And you are in mine…no matter how far I run.

_**So I came over to get you back. To, once again, flush the vicodin down the toilet and win your heart back. I had no idea what I would say or how I would convince you to give me a chance again, I just knew that you still loved me and that was all that I saw...until I saw him.**_

_**The hairbrush, there was a reason it wasn't in the box Cuddy, it was the last thing I had that smelled like you. I didn't want to give up that last piece. It was all consuming. **_

Cuddy stopped and thought about his shirt she had taken from Wilson's…the shirt she took when she gave into one last moment of weakness. She had brought it with her, tucked in a pillow case still zipped inside her suitcase…she couldn't bring herself to be any closer to it, but she couldn't get rid of it either.

…_**Your smell is an addiction like so many countless others in my life. I knew it would be when you finally gave me a chance. I had studied that smell mostly from afar for over 20 years. That's how long you have affected me. From the moment of the party when we danced so close I couldn't see straight, you looked up at me with those piercing eyes that saw all of me, they always have, something changed in me. You were always someone to me and that will never change. You took a piece of me that night all those years ago, I never forgot it and although we both pushed it away for far too long, you can't deny its presence.**_

No, I can't…

…_**I'm not going to pretend that writing you this letter now isn't the same old selfish House trying to get an ounce of forgiveness from the most important woman in my life, I am selfish. I ran to Mexico, I crashed into your house and I ran. I can't go back and fix all the mistakes I've made with you…**_

No you can't…

…_**but I'm going to try to repair the damage. If I never see your face again then I will have to deal with that. This isn't a shot in the dark to wash away the pain I've cause you and Rachel, but a first of many. I will never stop trying to make you finally understand how important you have always been to me and will be for the rest of my pathetic life. I failed when I had you and I will not fail again. If you never read another letter I send again, I will leave you with this: you are the most incredible woman I have ever known, you are always going to be the most incredible woman I have ever known.**_

_**House**_

Cuddy sat perfectly still once she was finished reading his letter…his heart. Wet with fallen tears, the letter was laying there in front of her, staring evasively into her soul. She was not able to decipher every feeling that had shot through her in the last few minutes. It was too overpowering to muddle through the anger, fear, passion, need, ever aching sadness, the love…

…there it was. Love. She knew she would always love him. Cuddy never for a second deluded herself in thinking that she would someday outgrow her love for him. All she wanted was for it to stop consuming her. She just never expected this from him, never thought he would express _this much_. This was something special, full of regret and more humanity then she thought he had left. House was getting in, seeping back into her like a flood, without any chance of relief.

He knew he would, Cuddy realized. House admitted that he was selfish that his motives were not pure, she hated him for knowing that he could get to her; she loved him for still needing to try.

"Housie and I want some milk please Mommy." Rachel's voice broke through and Cuddy turned around to meet her eyes, forgetting to hide her tears away.

"Mommy you's is sad?" Rachel came up to her with concern for her Mommy reflecting in her eyes; crawling up Cuddy's leg until she was sitting in her lap staring into her eyes.

"No honey, I'm ok." Cuddy said with a smile, attempting to convince Rachel there was nothing to be concerned about. She sniffled back the tears and put her arms around her daughter, placing her head on top of Rachel's.

"Did House give's you a note too Mommy?" Rachel's muffled little voice spoke, seeing the letter on the countertop. Cuddy unfolded herself from her daughters comfort and looked over to his letter, still reeling from the emotions it stirred up inside her, the pain she had wished to forget.

"Yes he did." Cuddy replied, she was frightened of the affect he still had on her; terrified of how much she missed him…but she also felt electrified, wanting desperately to hear more. Cuddy gave her daughter a genuine smile this time, her last thought triggering such a feeling of joy. She scooped Rachel off her lap and set her on the ground, then picked up his letter and folded it back the way he had designed, placing it in her pocket, keeping it with her.

This was a part of House she had only ever seen in glimpses. It was new…and she wanted more.


	8. Chapter 7

**Another chapter…I know it's taking me awhile to reunite our precious Huddy…quite frankly I have a feeling that this is going to be a much longer story than I ever imagined! Don't worry, I do have a clear plot mapped out in my brain so bear with me Love Love Love all the awesome feedback and encouragement! I am totally open to suggestions and criticisms too, please don't hold back, let me know what you think…especially if there is something you wish to happen that I'm not providing. Enjoy, Happy Sunday!**

"Oh, you've got to be kidding." Wilson replied while looking up from his desk; a look of pure astonishment plastered on his face.

House was standing in the middle of his best-friend/newly appointed superior's office, holding up a child-like diagram he had created, per request of proof for surgery on his current case. In return House was also wearing a look of astonishment on his face, in order to further mock and torment Wilson.

"What's not to understand, Wilson? This is the brain…" House referenced his picture, talking very slowly, using a crayon as a pointer. "This green blob is a tumor—"

"House shut-up." Wilson interrupted rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands."I asked for proof there is a tumor in her brain, and since the brain scan came up _normal, _it doesn't take a genius to figure out that you have nothing but—"

"—_this_ diagram perfectly stating where the tumor is." House finished his sentence for him while coloring in the green blob to make it darker; noting how much fun this all was. He crossed over to the sofa to sit down and wait for the lashing to begin. It was the same sofa he used to sit on to harass the former occupant of this office as well.

"House, you're a moron. The problem started in her bowels, and I didn't think I needed to point this out to you, but the bowels are not located in the brain. Either get me proof of the—"

"Of what?" House cut in a look of innocence in his eyes. "She has Crohn's disease. Already started treatment, I just wanted to show you the picture I drew at lunch…didn't know you would take it so badly." House shrugged with a small smirk, crossing his legs resting on top of the coffee table. Wilson bent forward to rest his head upon his desk, a gesture he had been doing a lot lately.

"Dr. Wilson, we have a problem in the clinic." Nurse Jeffery poked his head into Cuddy's former office. "I tried to call you but you didn't pick up." Wilson looked up and over to his phone noticing the lights were out and upon further inspection that it was unplugged. He looked over at House as he was nonchalantly picking lint off his pants.

"Did you cause this amount of torment to Cuddy as well, or am I more special?" Wilson asked as he got up from his desk to check on the clinic problem. He grabbed his coat off the hook and turned to House still relaxed on the sofa.

"Whatever do you mean?" House spoke with a light girlie voice.

"You're lucky she ever slept with you. " Wilson replied as he left his pestering employee. He was ultimately glad _this_ House had come back to work, sober and getting back to normal…but he secretly was starting to loathe Cuddy for leaving him in charge.

"I know." House waited to speak this thought till his friend had exited. Actually, she was why he had invented the clinic problem in the first place. All of this had been a ploy to get Wilson out of his office in order to get to his address book. House had looked everywhere else for it, and his desk…her desk… was the last stop.

A week ago Wilson let something slip to House that he had talked to Cuddy. They had been drinking and he brought up the phone call they shared, apparently only a few days prior. Of course House had also orchestrated that moment to the best of his mischievous capabilities. He got Wilson liquored up at the bowling alley and started to "confess" his concern over if Cuddy and Rachel were safe wherever they might be. Saying that he had a bad dream and was concerned his distress for her welfare might be too much and cause him to go back to vicodin. It was a low scheme. House was well aware and slightly ashamed of his attempt…but not enough to stop him from getting the answers he craved more than anything.

Thus began his search for Cuddy's elusive address. He knew them both well enough to figure that she wouldn't call until she was settled somewhere, and Wilson, being the worrier that he is, would have gotten her address for emergency purposes.

House had waited patiently for over a month to get a hold of any sort of clue to where she was. He had left Mexico that same night Wilson called with news she was gone. It had been a mistake House would never make again, because flying while still dextoxing was one of the most pain wrenching experiences of his life. Wilson was waiting for him when he landed. House called him from the airport before he boarded the plane, hoping, but not expecting his friend to even show…after everything he had done.

The next week or so was a blur to him now. He went through the motions, made it through his detox without relapsing. It seemed an insurmountable task at his worst moments, but he knew that there was no turning back. He had to pull through this; it was the only chance he had of speaking to her again.

Once House was able to return to work things started to get back to whatever normal he could grab on to. Taunting Wilson as much as possible helped a bit, of course, but it was the giant hole in his heart from the absence of her that was impossible to forget. He felt her absence in every part of the hospital, it was as if she walked the hallways like a ghost; hearing her high-heel's echoing around him everywhere he went…but she was never there when he turned around, he was always disappointed.

House wrote the first letter to her the second week he was back, once he felt clear headed he made the decision that writing would be the best approach to make contact with her. The present for Rachel he had bought earlier that morning, passing a toy store on the way to get coffee, House saw it in the window and immediately pictured Rachel's face. Her bright eyes staring at the unicorn; loving the crap out of it the way three year olds oddly could. After he bought it he realized it was also her birthday soon…which meant he had a time crunch to uncover Cuddy's address in order to get Rachel's Birthday gift sent in time. So the plan was put into action this morning.

Bingo he was right! During his reverie House had discovered Wilsons address book in the desk drawer taped to the underside of it. Actually he found Wilson's decoy address book first, then realizing he was dealing with a sneaky competitor, he found the real one. '_Liz Kuttie_,' what and idiot House thought, like he couldn't deduce that was her…and she was in France, Normandy to be exact…he had predicted she would settle there, he knew her inside and out. House quickly wrote it down and put it all back where he found it, escaping before Wilson was any the wiser.

He went home that night and put his letter to Cuddy in an envelope and addressed it. Trying to mask his handwriting so that she wouldn't recognize his script on the envelope and decide to not open it at all. He just needed her to open it; he_ knew_ she would read the rest…if she just opened it. House had never actually read the letter he wrote to her. It had flowed out of him while he was sitting on his bathroom floor, a place he always sat when he needed to think. Then he folded it up, without another glance at what his soul had poured out. He didn't want to risk the chance of second guessing himself and lose his nerve with her…just like he always had.

Rachel's gift he wrapped in tissue paper and tied a note to one of the hooves of the unicorn. Wishing he could be there to see if she had the same reaction as the one he had pictured in his head.

He sent them both off the next morning…hoping they would be received. Then he sat down and began to write another letter, holding out hope that she would open it. Knowing he had a long way to go…and so much more to say...

* * *

><p>It had been exactly one week since Cuddy had received House's first letter and Rachel had been given her perfect gift. That damn unicorn, Rachel had so innocently named 'Housie' was all Cuddy had heard about during the last seven days.<p>

Rachel's Birthday had come and gone but not before she got to open up all the presents Cuddy had selected for her during their travels. Of course she loved them all like any recently turned four year old would, but after the dust had settled Rachel only really latched on to two presents; 'Housie,' of course, and a soft purple stuffed dog that Cuddy had purchased for her in London. She had a managed to buy it without Rachel knowing after she saw her practically drooling over it at Harrods. When Rachel had opened it her excitement pretty much matched that of her reaction to House's gift, which pleased Cuddy greatly. However her awesomely chosen gift backfired when Rachel decided that her famous unicorn, which was originally deemed female, turned back into a boy and her new beloved dog was concluded to be a girl with the bestowed name of 'Lisa.' Rachel had only recently discovered her Mommy's name was not actually Mommy and had latched onto the name 'Lisa' when she heard their new neighbors referring to her Mom as such. Suffice it to say Cuddy would obviously have no problem sharing the same name as a purple dog, but it was the games Rachel developed with her two new best friends that had Cuddy on edge.

It had been decided early on that 'Housie' and 'Lisa' were in love and going to get married. Cuddy was pretty sure they had already had a couple wedding ceremonies. She had been coerced into helping decorate for one of them, and had overheard bits and pieces of her daughter's creative imagination spewing out from her bedroom after that. The words "I love you" and kissy sounds floating out to Cuddy's ears from wherever Rachel was playing.

It had been a difficult week…

She had read his letter again every night since the day it had arrived. It had become a ritual for her while lying in her bed, but not one she was proud of. She was still _so_ angry with him, knowing that her frustration would not just dissipate over night, after everything he had done…especially not after just one letter of honesty. On the other hand she couldn't ignore him, couldn't stop reading his words, or thinking about his shirt still tucked away in her suitcase. It terrified her. She had dated him for almost a year, but she had pushed him away most of her adult life, constantly running from him. Why did she waste so much energy on a man she obviously had decided would never be right for her, who would never change his selfish ways?

When Cuddy made the decision to end their relationship it had felt right. Like she was unburdening herself of future disappointments with him; saving them both from possibly ruining their friendship forever. After she left his apartment that horrible night, she sat in her car for a long time, not able to drive away. It was only a call from her sister regarding Rachel waking up that had made her put the key in the ignition. Every part of her soul was screaming to go back to him, wanting nothing more than to take it all back and try again. Try to make it work with the man that would always be the love of her life.

…but her fear won out, like it always had.

After their break-up and how he acted in the aftermath, it only confirmed Cuddy's worries. He was insane, she always knew that, but he was also a ticking time bomb. Marrying a mail-order hooker and taunting her with it wherever she went was only the tip of the iceberg. His revert back to vicodin use and his failed attempt at self-surgery was the proof she latched onto. It was the only thing that kept her away from him; the only thing stopping her from knocking on his door and wrapping herself in his strong arms.

"Mommy can we go outside to play?" Rachel asked sweetly as she came into the kitchen while Cuddy was attempting to eat breakfast, her constant thoughts of House getting in the way of consuming the now soggy cereal in front of her. She put her spoon down and got off the barstool.

"Sure, let's get us both dressed first though." She led Rachel to the bedroom and let her pick out her clothes for the day. A new thing Cuddy was letting Rachel do herself, loving the outfits her daughter could come up with. Cuddy left her and went to get dressed herself, it was a lovely day and she was going to make a decent attempt to embrace _that_ and not dwell on the man she had left the country to avoid.

"I'm ready!" Rachel came running in wearing her colored striped tights, mismatched tennis shoes and her favorite dress. Cuddy smiled at her, noticing that she was also clutching her unicorn and dog, obviously ready to play with them outside as well.

"Okay, let's go." Cuddy grabbed onto her daughter's tiny hand as they both went out to get some sun.

Of course her secret wish of having a slightly non-House filled day would be a failed one. She saw the new letter sticking out of the mailbox the moment she stepped a foot outside. He had not tried to mask the handwriting on the envelope as much this time, but it still had a return address from Wilson. His way of being cute, she imagined, or still trying to be sneaky…although he should know her well enough to know he couldn't fool her twice. Obviously he concluded that I read the last letter, a thought that pissed her off and made her smile. House always had a way of making her feel two opposite emotions at once, another element to their relationship that scared the crap out of her.

Cuddy grabbed the letter and other mail out of the box and sat down on the porch. Rachel had already found her favorite spot on the grass under the shade of the tree and had started her adventures with 'Housie' and 'Lisa' for the day. Cuddy knew she had time to read it now if she wanted, knowing that as much as her stubbornness and fear was telling her not to open it, her need to hear more was clearly going to win.

Once she broke open the seal, she felt the weight of something not paper fall out onto the porch. She reached down and picked it up noticing it was a necklace, a familiar necklace she thought but she couldn't quite place it. It was a peace sign on a delicate chain made out of silver, and all around the symbol were engraved flowers, roses to be exact. Once inspected closely Cuddy knew this necklace once belonged to her, she had forgotten about, misplacing it years ago, assuming it was gone forever. Why did House have it?

Cuddy opened his letter holding the lost necklace tightly in her hand.

_**Cuddy,**_

_**In hopes that you actually read my last letter, I am holding true in my promise of writing you again. **__**Another effort of righting the immeasurable wrongs I have caused you. **__**Another attempt at **__**conveying how incredibly special you have always been to me. Another confession of deep expressions I should have shared long ago. Another reminder of what a fool I have always been…**_

_**The necklace you (I hope) are holding is from the first night we spent together, I'm sure you recognize it as once belonging to you. **_

Cuddy glanced back to the small silver necklace in the palm of her hand. She slowly started to remember clasping it around her neck that night. It was a last minute decision to compliment her newly acquired black dress. Obviously it had fallen off…

_**I've had it in my possession since the first night we ever danced together, the first night we kissed, the same night I got to hold you in my arms while you slept curled up by my side, the night I count as one of the best in my life. **_

'Mine too…'

_**We never talked about this night when we became a couple, I was too scared to show my vulnerability to you, to unveil how many years you have had a hold on me…but it's now or… it's never. **_

Cuddy put House's letter down, petrified to go any further. Why was he doing this now? Where was all of this when it mattered, when she was begging him to give her more, to show even a glimmer of the emotions he was revealing to her now.

Rachel's voice floated over to her then, her daughter's stream of consciousness flowed out of her as she played with 'Housie' and 'Lisa.' Cuddy knew the wedding ceremony for Rachel's new loves was well underway. It was ironic to Cuddy that her daughter could see so clearly what she fought so incredibly hard against. 'Housie' and 'Lisa' would always be together in Rachel's eyes…Cuddy picked up the letter once again.

_**The only reason I was at that party was because of you. Of course you probably have deduced that by now. I noticed you in endocrinology the first day of class, and if my head wasn't shoved far up my ass most of the time, I might have previously remembered your beautiful face from the bookstore, on the same day you first noticed me. **_

Cuddy smiled, envisioning his face when he examined her class schedule, he didn't notice me then because he never looked up from the paper.

_**It seems strange to me that we have poignant memories about each other, but at different moments…our timing was off then as it has always been.**_

'I know…'

_**You came walking into that crappy lit auditorium, looking way too awake for a 9am class. It was annoying, but in that same observation, it also struck me how uniquely pretty you were. I remember you were innocently twirling your finger in one of your curls from your ponytail as you scanned the room to look for a seat. You immediately fascinated me. So naturally I followed you with my eyes as you came closer to me, hoping that I could somehow will you to notice me too. **_

'I was scanning the room for you, looking for that arrogant sexy man with the crooked glasses at the bookstore; the one who accurately deduced who I was just by evaluating my class schedule. You immediately fascinated me too.'

_**When you finally glanced my way from the front row of seats I remember feeling overwhelmed like I had encountered my new counterpart, with just one look it felt like we had known each other forever. Like I said, you immediately fascinated me…**_

_**When you actually sat next to me I figured it might be my lucky day, your perfume was enough to send me through the roof. I remember it being sweet like cotton candy mixed with the ever intoxicating scent of you. The same perfume you had on the night of the party.**_

_**You didn't talk to me that first day, nor I you, quite frankly you scared me. I had an immediate desire for you on many levels, something I had never experienced before. I remember you were in my dream that night, a glorious trend that has continued to this day, I am more than happy to admit that to you. It was a sexual dream; how could it not have been, but it was deeper than that. I woke up that next morning determined to find out more about you. It wasn't until the next class when I chose to sit down next to you that we had a chance to have our first conversation.**_

_**I believe I stupidly asked you for a pen, in which I was rewarded with my first encounter of your breathtaking smile as you reached in your bag to find my false request. When I reached for the pen you offered I touched your hand…it was an indescribable moment in my life. Your hand, the first part of you I had the pleasure to experience. I will never forget your hands. I can still feel your hand in mine everyday like a phantom, just one of many daily reminders of what I have lost.**_

_**But I digress…**_

Cuddy could sense his hand in hers as well, always. She could never forget the caress of his touch; feeling with her memories the way he used to tickle the palm of her hand, and action she wasn't even sure he was aware of doing.

_**After my stupid pen request I lost my nerve with you, the next class I sat behind you instead, knowing what a chicken shit I was turning into because of your presence. My lack of courage turned out to be one of pure genius because now I had the chance to eavesdrop on you; listening in when that meathead you were sitting next to requested you come out that evening. That's how I found out where you would be that night, why I knew without question that I had to be at that party too.**_

_**I watched yo**__**u from the moment you walked through the door that night, you were wearing a sexy black strapless dress, a dress that has been burned into my memory for decades…thank you for that. Your hair was so incredibly long and I remember you wore it down flowing around your face, raven black curls falling down your back, an amazing picture. You were perfect. You always were to me, and you had every guy's attention at that frat party drawn to you, I was just one of many that noticed how breathtaking you are.**_

'God his memory was incredible, he remembered every detail.'

_**When we found each other through the crowd I remember that neither one of us bridged the distance. We just looked at each other, checking in but not approaching, it was hesitant…I'm sure you remember that. **_

'I do remember. It was your eyes that pulled me in. I couldn't stop staring... trying so hard to act nonchalant…pretend like your effect on me was no big deal.'

_**It is clear to me now that you were playing hard to get; you have since confessed to me that you'd been pursuing me since the bookstore. **_

Cuddy smiled…

_**I must say I was taken aback by this confession of yours, I always figured I was the only one with an agenda that night. **_

'You certainly weren't the only one…'

_**Suddenly after what seemed like an hour, we made it across the crowd to each other. You smiled up at me and asked me my name, an opening line filled with such confidence and flirtation; you had me weak at the knees.**_

'I already knew your name...'_**  
><strong>_

_**I replied 'House,' forgetting my first name entirely. You laughed and tilted your head, like you still do now, a move that will always have an effect on me. Realizing my mistake I quickly said 'Greg,' and managed to choke out a request for yours, already hating myself for being such a pussy. Your eyes sparkled, as they did and have continued to do whenever you smile, and you replied 'Cuddy' then teasingly said 'Lisa,' while brushing a fallen curl away from your face…another simple move that made me melt. I managed to pull my sorry excuse for a once known womanizer back from the soppy mess you created; then I grabbed your hand and kissed it, asking you to dance. You answered with a silent gesture by leading me by my hand to the dance floor. I followed your lead and of course took the opportunity to check out your amazing ass. **_

_**We danced for what felt like hours…I'm sure you remember that too. **_

Yes…

_**Talking, teasing, learning, flirting…dancing so exceptionally close to each other. You were immediately deemed 'Cuddy' and I 'House' which I've always loved that we held onto all these years. I knew we would spend the night together. Not because I thought myself to be a man-whore, but because we had such a connection and familiarity that it just made absolute sense. **_

_**When you came up to my room, I saw you start to second guess yourself, at least I assumed you were by the way you nervously played with your necklace…the necklace you now hold. I sat down in my desk chair and smiled at you saying that we could just relax, that we didn't have to do anything but talk. I remember I was terrified I would scare you off, lose you too soon. I would take just a night of conversation with you, anything to keep you from leaving. I believe I offered up a game of Boggle, which made you genuinely smile and come over to where I was sitting, obviously deciding to let go of your fears. **_

_**You kissed me, put your hands on either side of my face where I was sitting and kissed me, God you had me hooked. Your lips were beyond my wildest fantasies, as was the rest of your body. I hope you know by now how much I worship your body, always have. **_

'I do know that.'

_**You sat down on my lap and deepened the kiss, I placed my hands around your delicate waist, you fit so perfectly in my arms, quite frankly you are the only women in my life that I can truly say that about. **_

_**I know you remember the rest of that night, if you don't than maybe I misjudged our passion, but it was certainly the best night I had ever encountered before. **_

_**The clothes came off-your dress was made of silk, just slipped down to the floor revealing your insanely alluring body. Then I picked you up and placed you on my bed, your head upon my pillow… you were so damn beautiful laying there, another sight to be remembered…and I remember it well. **_

She remembered him picking her up so gently, cradling her in his strong arms. It was an amazing feeling…a gesture he recreated the night she came to him in his bathroom, so many years later.

_**When we finally 'settled down' from our sexual exploits you fell asleep curled up by my side; my hand tucked under the crook of your neck. I watched you sleep that night, another trend I continued when we finally were in a relationship, a coveted past-time I miss more than I care to admit…**_

_**After you left that next morning for class I noticed your necklace on the pillow. It must have fallen off during our night together. You left your number with the heading of 'Cuddy,' which you know I failed to use, **__**yet another reminder of our flawed timing. **__**This incredible mistake on my part was the first moment of me causing you sadness, hurting you…but maybe it's the perfect place to start. I'm sorry…**_

Cuddy wiped the tears from her eyes falling freely down her face as she sat on the porch, reliving this incredible night through his poetic narration. She had never felt so filled up by House's words before… never experienced such unbelievable love and devotion from him…never truly knew how much he cared for her.

_**I kept your necklace all these years, a secret token I treasured from that night, something I could selfishly never return to you. I give it to you now because I want to prove to you where my heart has forever been. Tangible proof, something you always needed from me as my boss; something that had to be shown before we could proceed. **_

_**I guess I'm hoping the same can be said with us…can we proceed from here? **_

_**House**_

Cuddy placed his letter filled with such love down upon her lap and opened up her hand to reveal the necklace inside, the 'tangible proof' he so badly wanted to give her. Unclasping it she immediately placed it around her neck, clasping it safe against her chest where it had rested so long before. Something clicked inside her in that moment…she could feel the wall around her heart, the one she worked so hard to build and hide behind, come crashing down around her. She missed his face…so unbelievably much.

Cuddy folded his letter back up just like the one before, knowing that he would write again. Anxiously anticipating his next confession of his soul, knowing she would have to respond eventually…


	9. Chapter 8

**Next chapter should be up this weekend! Kind of split these two in half-cause I was taking so darn long on the ending…**

House heard the lock give with a soft 'click' sound as he broke his way into Wilson's current office...her office. It was extremely late, almost dawn. House had been wandering the streets alone after leaving last call from a bar he often frequented by his home, but he couldn't bring himself to return home just yet. He and Wilson had been drinking together that night; it had been a long couple days at work for both of them. Wilson was struggling with his new responsibilities...administrative tasks and paperwork, and of course dealing with House.

House was exhausted from his current case, a case that ultimately Thirteen had solved without him. He was off his game; that much was perfectly clear to him. He couldn't process facts like he was so accustom too, couldn't read between the lines in order to solve the mysteries. It scared him. He noticed his initial ineptitude when he went back to work, after he hastily returned home from Mexico. Chalking it up to being distracted, the sobriety, and her absence carving a deeper hole out of his heart each day was what House originally blamed for his shortcomings...but it was more than that.

Something was wrong. He knew it, something more than just mere distractions. He had been experiencing headaches, painful ones; even the pathetic motrin he had been resorting to take for his leg couldn't touch it. The headaches were always worse in the mornings, almost blinding him when he first opened his eyes. House was a doctor, and he knew there was more to this puzzle than he wanted to admit. Not even sharing his growing concerns with Wilson, terrified that speaking the words out loud would give his fear life he wasn't ready for yet; to acknowledge what he had already guessed…

House took a moment and looked around Cuddy's old office. It was dark, but turning on a light would only alert someone he was in here. He wanted to be alone, to process, to be with her in his memories…to write her another letter.

Although this was Wilson's office now, he hadn't really made the effort to erase Cuddy's presence away from the space. Her pictures were still up, knick- knacks and books of hers were still in their rightful place for the most part. House limped over to the bookshelf and pulled a framed photo down to inspect it closer amongst the shadows. He had seen this picture many times before…another unknowing moment captured for eternity. Cuddy was smiling, House could tell she was just about to laugh, he knew her every look. She was looking up, staring lovingly into the eyes of her date…looking at House, their hands were perfectly intertwined.

It was a going away party for one of the nurses she had dragged House too against his better judgment; having to promise a spectacular sexual favor later that evening in exchange for him putting on a nice shirt and being her date without further protest. Of course he would have gone without the promise of the sexual pleasure, (not that he would ever admit that to her) but it was a nice added bonus to what would surely be a boring party. She looked radiant when House had arrived to pick her up, he remembered actually telling her so that night, something he never regularly gave to her…another mistake he needed to fix. When they arrived at the party, House concluded to be right in his theory of it being utterly mind-numbing, a conclusion that Cuddy immediately arrived to as well.

So they kept to themselves, putting in an appearance was all Cuddy needed to do anyway. Wishing the nurse (whose name House never learned) well and proving that she could be more than just a boss to her employees, something House never quite understood why she even attempted to prove. They mingled begrudgingly for awhile, but never leaving each other's side. They shadowed each other without even thinking, always needing to be near. It had only been five months since the beginning of their relationship when the photo House was holding in his hand was taken. Their expressions seemed a million miles away from the disasters that would inevitably engulf their doomed relationship.

He was never aware that a photo of them had even been snapped, too wrapped up in her to care what the hell anyone else was doing around them. He could remember grabbing her by the hand and stealing her away to a corner of one of the rooms, knowing that she was the only person he wanted to be near, no one else mattered. House closed his eyes, standing alone in her office he could recall every detail of their conversation that night, every word spoken between them...

_"House, where are we going?" Cuddy spoke as she was silently led away by her hand from a reluctant conversation she was trapped in with one of the department chairs at the hospital._

_"Does it matter? You didn't really want to be talking to what's his face anyway." House replied once he finished bringing her to the quietest corner of the party he could find._

_"Oh and you can read my mind now?" She replied with a smile. _

_House knew he had her right where she wanted to be, no matter how much she demurely protested. He pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed it while telling her to 'shut-up.' "Besides, you don't want me to have to kick what's his faces ass for staring blatantly at your breasts all night do you? I was just saving you from the embarrassment of having a fight break out in your name." House said with a smirk pulling her closer to him, arms encircling her waist so he could breathe her in. "We aren't in high school you know."_

_"Well you could have fooled me...and I hate to break it to you but Dr. Katz holds a black belt in karate...not sure you would win that battle House." Cuddy replied playing with the buttons on his shirt, looking coyly up, getting even closer to him as well._

_"Well I certainly would have to try my best. My honor is on the line here. Those beautiful breasts you carry around are part mine now. You signed over joint custody of them a few months back. Didn't you get the copy of the agreement?" House teased._

_"I guess I missed it. Must still be in my inbox, along with that dirty sex pamphlet and the ugly baby photo you snuck in there this morning."_

_"Awe that pamphlet was meant for Wilson, must have put it in your box by mistake." House said with a smile._

_"And the ugly baby photo?" Cuddy inquired, returning his knowing smile._

_"Just for you my dear. A little laughter at other people's misfortune is the perfect way to start any morning. All babies come out looking like alien monkeys anyway. This one was just extra special. Of course our baby would come out handsomely attractive, that is if they inherited my fine features." House smiled._

_"Our baby?" Cuddy asked._

_House smile faded, realizing his error. He bowed his head and quietly spoke, "I didn't mean it like that…although I've told you before I would make an excellent father." House said this last part teasingly, looking back into her eyes._

_Cuddy grabbed one of House's hands wrapped around her waist and brought it to her heart, lacing her fingers in his. "I know, I've seen you with Rachel…the way she is with you…she loves you."_

_"Well what can I say, she has good taste. Plus I pay her in cheetos to pretend she likes me. Your kid drives a hard bargain."_

_Cuddy smiled up at him, nodding in agreement. "She already told me about the cheetos." Then without another word Cuddy pulled House into a passionate kiss, drawing him even closer to her by the hold she had on his shirt._

_After a few minutes of their fiery public display of affection House broke away from her lips. "Well if you keep that up, then these fine people here are going to get a show...or we need to find a vacant closet somewhere." House said wiggling his eyebrows to emphasize his point._

_"Well come on then..." Cuddy giggled while pulling him by the hand, going in search of a more private space…_

House remembered fondly what came next that night, he always adored how much of a little vixen Cuddy was...not that he didn't already know that, but it was nice to be the one finally benefitting from it.

House opened his eyes back up, recovering from being swallowed up by his past. He was exhausted and sober once again, the alcohol having worn off while wandering the streets after he left Wilson. He crossed over to the desk and sat behind it, running his fingers over the wood, recalling another fond memory he shared with Cuddy. House opened the desk drawer and pulled out a few sheets of paper and a pen. He had come here for a reason. He wanted to be surrounded by her as much as possible, a good place to purge his heart once again on the blank canvas before him...

* * *

><p>'Slam!'<p>

House jolted awake, the sound of Wilson slamming his office door startling him back to consciousness.

"I should be more surprised right." Wilson spoke as he shrugged out of his lab coat. "No wonder I couldn't reach you all morning, why didn't you answer your cellphone?"

House rubbed the sleep away from his eyes, trying to get his bearings. The daily morning headache he had been experiencing lately was with him once again. He noted that he had passed out with his head resting on the desk, lying on top of the (now crumpled up) letter he wrote to Cuddy a few hours prior. Without a word House quickly shuffled the stray papers together and got up from the desk; taking them with him, not wanting Wilson to be privy to his new attempts at reconciliation. His headache was raging its ugly war with his eyes, making it hard for House to even walk.

"It's after ten in the morning already, I was in a meeting until now, but I got a new case for you…that's why I was calling...House, are you okay?" Wilson finally asked noticing how very quiet and green looking House appeared.

"I'm fine." It was all House managed to squeak out as he opened the office door.

"I gave the case file to Foreman!" Wilson loudly spoke as the door to his office was closing shut behind House's quick escape. He knew something was up with him, something always was with House. Crossing over to his desk he noticed a piece of paper on the floor, he bent down and when he picked it up he knew right away it was House's handwriting. A letter…or part of a letter, obviously those papers he took with him in a hurry. Wilson saw Cuddy's name scrawled on the page, realizing in that moment that House had been up to something without his knowledge. Wilson quickly folded up the letter, knowing better than to read it, but also realizing they needed have a conversation.

When Wilson made it up to House's office House was in the middle of swallowing some motrin, Wilson assumed it was for his leg. He walked over taking the partial letter out of his pocket and placed it on House's desk.

"Something you want to tell me House?" Wilson asked, sitting himself down in the chair across from House.

House looked at the folded paper in front of him, knowing he had been caught. "Yes actually, those pants make your ass look fat." House replied popping one more motrin to counteract the headache, and Wilson's meddling. "I've been meaning to mention that for awhile now."

"What are you doing?" Wilson asked seriously, ignoring the sarcastic avoidance.

"How many languages can I say none of your business in?" House started rifling through his mail that had been mounting on his desk for days, wanting any distraction from the pest sitting across from him.

"I assume you found my address book."

"Yes. Both of them. You made it extremely difficult for me to uncover Watson." House wanted badly to get up and leave this conversation, but until the meds he took kicked in he didn't think he would make it down the hall.

"She left the country House. She doesn't want to see you, doesn't want to _hear_ from you...why can't you _for once_ respect her wishes?"

"I am. She doesn't _have _to read what I've sent. I'm not forcing her to do anything she doesn't want for herself."

"How do you know she has read anything that you've written? I assume this is not the first letter. Or do you have a spy hidden in France I'm unaware of."

"She's read them…I know her."House said this quietly, shocking Wilson into silence with his subdued sincerity.

House returned to sorting through his mail, feeling uncomfortable with discussing the letters any further, embarrassed with his burst of emotion. It was her handwriting he noticed first, a purple envelope addressed to him…from Cuddy. House smiled without thinking, he _did know her…_ "Now I have proof." House turned the envelope around to face Wilson, hoping that the third degree would now end so he could open his mail in peace. Wilson shook his head in disbelief, putting his arms up in quiet surrender, thinking he should have known better than to think these two would ever be done with each other. He got up from his chair to give House some solitude.

"A little word of advice…I would check to see if it's ticking before you open that." Wilson spoke as he shut the door behind him.

Finally alone House froze. He sat in his chair and stared at the envelope, terrified of what might be inside. This would be the first time he had heard from her in almost three months…he hadn't a clue what she could say, how she felt. This could be her final goodbye to him. Telling him to stop writing, that nothing would work this time, she had finally moved on forever.

House reached for his letter opener knowing what an idiot he was being. He wanted so desperately to hear from her, no matter what she had to say, he had to know…

Slitting the envelope open he saw it contained what looked like a picture, not a letter…and not _his_ letters returned to back to him either, which was a huge relief to House. He pulled out the picture…a picture of Rachel. She was lying on the floor in a bedroom House had obviously never seen before. She was on her stomach, her two hands were propping up her head and her little feet were pointing up to the ceiling, House could tell that she had two different colored shoes on. Rachel was profile and smiling from ear to ear, staring adoringly into the eyes of the unicorn that House had gifted for her Birthday. Upon further inspection he also noticed the note he had fastened to one of the unicorn's hooves tacked to the wall behind her, making it clear that his gift was actually very special to her.

House was taken aback…Rachel looked so happy, and he had helped to create that. It was another rare feeling for House, a moment of realization…he missed her too. Seeing that picture actually finally made House realize that he missed both of them. He wanted _them_ back.

House flipped the picture over to look at the backside. Instinctually he knew he should see if there was more to this message Cuddy had sent…

_**Rachel's new favorite obsession, his name is 'Housie'…she loves him very much.**_

_**Thank you**_

House rubbed his fingers over Cuddy's message, wishing there was more, wanting so badly to talk to her again. House tucked the picture back inside the envelope, immediately going in search of a fresh envelope to mail the new letter to Cuddy he had finished earlier that morning. His method of communication with her was actually working! House knew he needed to keep going, maybe he hadn't lost her…

He sealed the envelope, addressing the front with her address he now had memorized. House reached for his cane and got up from his chair, taking Cuddy's new letter and Rachel's picture with him. It only took him a few steps away from his desk to hit him. The shaking struck incredibly fast. House knew he was having a seizure before he hit the floor…before everything went dark.


	10. Chapter 9

**Sorry I left you with a cliffhanger! Here you go! Oh and I'm changing my rating to T…think it's a good idea for when our 'Huddy' is reunited…I promise it's coming soon! Working on the next chapter already, if it doesn't give me too many problems I should have it up in the next couple days.**

Cuddy received House's third letter three weeks after his last. It had been pouring rain outside over the last week, forcing Cuddy and Rachel to be mostly trapped indoors. Spending lazy days baking cookies and watching old black and white movies, staying cozy wrapped in their pajamas all day.

Christmas was approaching and Rachel was getting antsy for Santa Claus to come of course, absolutely frantic that he couldn't find her all the way in France. Cuddy had thought a lot about them going home for the holidays, just for a week, but she finally decided against it…knowing she wasn't ready yet.

She had received his letter earlier in the day but held off opening it, spending the day painting pictures with Rachel to decorate her daughter's walls, something Rachel had specifically requested…but she knew she would have to read it eventually.

Waiting till Rachel was asleep that night, she went into her bedroom and finally took the chance to open House's letter. Cuddy sat down in her comfy chair and crisscrossed her legs, taking the letter out of the envelope and unfolding it in her lap, noticing it was wrinkled, thinking there was probably a story behind that.

It had been a couple weeks since Cuddy had sent House the picture she took of Rachel and her unicorn. She had snuck up on Rachel while she was having a secret conversation with her precious 'Housie' and managed to take a picture without her even knowing it. As soon as she saw the capture she knew House should have it. Writing on the back and sending it the next day, not allowing a chance to second guess herself…

She smoothed out the letter in front of her, switching on a single light, leaving the rest of the room in shadows. Taking in a huge breath of anticipation, she began to read…

_**Cuddy,**_

_**I'm writing this third letter while sitting alone in a place filled with memories of you. It's late, or early depending on which way you look at it. I don't know the exact time, the watch Kutner gave me stopped working the day I imploded your life, the day I last saw your face. **_

_**Like I said I'm alone, actually I'm currently sitting behind the desk in your office-and yes, I broke in-I haven't attempted to change all parts of my life just yet, much to Wilsons chagrin. Oh and while we're on the subject of my newly anointed boss, I think you ought to consider sending Wilson a pie or perhaps some naked photos, it seems he's upset at you over something…have no clue what it could possibly be.**_

Cuddy shook her head with a smile forming on her lips, knowing exactly what it could be. She _did _owe Wilson.

_**Anyway, back to my original point, why I'm here, sitting in a room shrouded with darkness, surrounded by wonderful and painful reminders of you. This room, your office, is where we spent so much of the last decade together…bickering, flirting, yelling, hurting, teasing, and (for far too brief a time) loving one another.**_

'We have always been better at fighting…then loving.'

_**I have to admit that I come here often at night now, a place to think, to reflect…to feel closest to you...**_

_**I come here because I miss you.**_

Cuddy felt the ache in her chest, her heart beating insanely fast. House's emotion soaked the page, she wanted so much to hear him speak these words in person.

_**At this moment I'm staring at your desk, an object in this room that holds special significance for us…or at least it does to me. Another tangible reminder of a missed opportunity, something we had to let slip by.**_

_**It was about ten years after that infamous party, too many years, but when I saw you again none of that mattered…**_

'Of course I remember this day. When you had my old desk sent back to me, I finally understood then that this day was special to you…just as it was to me.'

_**I was wandering around the lobby at Princeton General, having recently been fired…who knew MRI machines could explode like that… **_

Cuddy rolled her eyes…'I do, you've come pretty close to recreating that over the last dozen years.'

_**Anyway I was obviously on the hunt for a new job. I had an interview set up at Princeton General for the day I'm writing about. The next day, I had another interview…it was for our hospital. Obviously since Wilson and Stacy worked at Princeton Plainsboro I really didn't give a crap about this interview, I wanted the other job. I was contemplating ditching the meeting all together when I saw 'Lisa Cuddy' posted on the hospital directory. I remembered smiling to myself, knowing I was going to miss my interview for a good reason now. Without even thinking a minute longer I went in search of your office. It had been so ridiculously long since I last saw your face, a girl from my past who fascinated and scared the hell out of me…I still thought about you all the time.**_

'I thought about you too, but I also had heard the stories over the years about you, knowing you were a lunatic, albeit a damn sexy and incredibly talented one….'

_**I had also strangely still possessed your necklace, lifted from my pillow after you left all those years ago. It was an action very off place for me…**_

Cuddy placed her hand over her necklace resting against her chest. She hadn't taken it off since he had returned it to her.

…_**but time had passed, and you had slowly become that beautiful girl that I had missed my shot with years before…a very fond memory.**_

_**When I was two offices away I froze. I had been seeing Stacy for almost a year, I loved her. However I knew once I saw your name I needed to see you again, but I didn't have a clue what I would say to you…**_

_**When I finally got myself to approach your office I saw you though the glass, you were sitting on your desk…the desk that I'm writing from now. Your office was full of boxes thrown all about, I could tell you were leaving. You didn't notice me at first; sitting mostly with your back to me, your high heeled feet resting on the desk chair in front of you. I took you in, quietly sitting there, stealing myself a second to recover from the strong reaction I was immediately having to seeing you again. I walked in without a word, coming into your line of sight and sat beside you on the desk. **_

'You were there. Just sitting next to me, out of nowhere, a man that I had missed more than I even knew, I dreamt about you too…still do.'

_**When you finally sensed me there and our eyes locked…well it felt staggering to look into those amazing eyes again. **_

'I remember…'

_**You looked at me with wonderment and dare I say happiness at seeing me suddenly appear next to you. **_

_**I could tell you were also nervous right away, fidgeting with your necklace…the same way you had on our night together. You were just as astonishingly beautiful as I remembered you. Your hair was still long, curls falling around your face, just how I saw you in my dreams. **_

_**I made you just as nervous as what was going on inside of me, 'Good,' I thought at least we're on the same page. Just the fact that you fidgeted over me entering the room was incredibly sexy…I knew right then that you felt the same way I did. We had made an unforgettable impact on each other, something uncommon…**_

Cuddy recalled their conversation in the surgery viewing room years later, she had told him 'common was boring…and she had never been happier with anyone else.' It was a truth she fought against for too long.

_**You said 'Hi,' bewilderment written in your voice. I returned the gesture and explained why I was there, randomly appearing upon your office doorstep…a runaway from a misbegotten interview, a lucky man who had wandered down the right hospital wing. **_

_**You smiled at that, the slight unnerving tension from my sudden appearance forgotten. I asked where you were moving too, gesturing to the boxes, you replied that you were moving to Princeton Plainsboro, never mentioning that you were going to be the new Dean of Medicine. We continued on with our conversation, playing catch up with each other, filling in the gaps. Picking up right where we left off...our banter was always easy, like we had already been on a long journey together…old lovers reunited.**_

_**We worked hard to ignore the underlying sexual tension that engulfed us since the moment we said 'Hi…' a skill we used for too many years after this day…**_

_**I remember it took all of me not to kiss you from the moment I saw you.**_

'And I you…'

_**I knew I had to say something, and I could sense the same from you, both of us scared to say what we truly wanted to. I looked down at your hand resting on the desk, recalling how your hands felt in mine all those years ago. I mumbled something about the desk being nice, unique like you, putting my hand down on the surface between us, our fingers almost touching…**_

_**You said it was your old desk from med school, that it was being retired for a newer model, but that you couldn't bring yourself to clean it out yet, years worth of memories waiting to be looked through inside the drawers. I asked why you were sitting here staring at the walls when I walked in, seeming lost in thought, you replied that you were procrastinating, not quite ready to move on…that accepting change was hard for you.**_

Change always had an effect on Cuddy. She remembered being terrified to move onto her new job. A huge responsibility was waiting up ahead and she was unsure she could measure up.

_**I reached across the desk and covered your hand with mine…a complete impulse. When I discovered my action I retreated immediately mumbling sorry, but you cut me off, reaching over with your hand you mimicked my gesture moments before, covering my hand with yours. You looked unsure but you didn't take your hand away either.**_

_**You confessed first, you told me it was 'incredible to see me again.' An expression of honesty from you, giving me the courage to express to you I felt the exact same. I turned my hand nestled under yours till my palm was face up, touching your fingertips with my own. Wanting nothing more than to bring your hand up to my lips…**_

'It was an amazing moment between us. You made me feel so alive, just that simple touch took my breath away.'

_**Your phone rang then, our hands separated, breaking us free of that moment of quiet sincerity, genuineness we became less and less capable of conveying to each other over the years to come.**_

_**When we let our friendship and working relationship be our guiding factors, and not our hearts and desires.**_

'I know…'

_**When you answered the phone I continued to stare at you, I couldn't help it. It was a surreal wonderful happenstance to be sitting across from you, and I also remembered you stared right back… **_

'Yes I did…how could I not. I remember I couldn't even think straight while I was on the phone, the energy between us was overwhelming…always has been. We both just got really good at brushing it aside.'

_**It was only when you hung up did I realize you had been talking to a significant other, a boyfriend, I could tell by what you had briefly communicated to him. Then it finally factored into my brain that I myself was with someone…Stacy. **_

_**Our timing was destined to be off once again. I felt sick at the thought of you being in love with someone else, even though I myself was in love with someone else as well.**_

_**We confirmed our relationships with this with each other, both stating that we were spoken for…it was a hard revelation, harder than it should have been for two almost strangers that had one unforgettable night together.**_

'I felt the same.'

_**I remember looking at you then, you were biting your bottom lip. It was all I could take. I knew I needed to leave. I wanted the job at Princeton Plainsboro, and since you had already mentioned that you were headed there, I knew we couldn't go any further, it couldn't work between us…**_

'That became abundantly clear when we met again that very next day… another ironic twist of fate in our history together…'

_**I got up from my place next to you upon your desk, knowing I should leave before…I couldn't. I know now that you mistook my abruptness that day, how I quickly said 'that I should be going…' leaving with one last look. You thought it was because I ultimately wasn't interested in you, but I have told you since, that was a mistake. **_

_**I have loved you a long time. **_

_**The thing is Cuddy… I know you have loved me just as long…**_

'Yes I have…since the minute I met you.' Cuddy closed her eyes and fought the tears that were threatening to form once again. She had loved this man for so long she didn't remember what it felt like to not love him…but he was not an easy man to love. A trait Cuddy was starting to understand lay inside herself as well…she had impossible standards.

_**Look…I don't know if I can I properly express in the written word everything that is meant and needed to be articulated? **_

_**How can these small tokens, these letters, accomplish what I have failed to do my whole life? I guess I'm just trying to remind you of the times when I was a man you loved, someone I know you needed much more than I ever gave you…another regret. Please know I'm working on bringing him back for good…**_

_**So finally I will leave you with a proposition. I was thinking of calling you. In a couple weeks on December 24**__**th**__** at 9pm your time, I will dial your number. I just need to hear your voice again…maybe this is too much to ask, but at least this way you can chose what you want for yourself. You don't have to answer…and if I don't get a chance to speak to you then…well…**_

_**I wish you a Merry Christmas Cuddy.**_

_**House**_

Cuddy sat in silence, comprehending that this proposed phone call was just a day away. Her hands shook as she folded the letter back up, placing it on the table beside her. She knew immediately she would answer, she wanted so desperately to hear his voice too, but that powerful urge to hear from him again frightened her. Their relationship felt like it was on an endless crazy loop, something she thought three months ago she needed to severe for good. Their journey was never easy, always convoluted and filled with turmoil…something to be expected when you were in love with a man like House.

Cuddy leaned her head back and recalled him entering her new office that next day, so many years before, completely caught by surprise once again that House was standing in front of her. His name was mistakenly left off her new schedule that was thrust upon her first thing that morning, she was just settling in when he arrived for his interview. She remembered he looked as surprised as she was, originally setting up the meeting with the former Dean of Medicine he was unaware that she was now in charge of Princeton Plainsboro. She had been offered the job of Dean of Medicine the week prior, completely unaware how drastically her life would be impacted by it.

After the day before, when he had left her office so quickly, she told herself it was for the best. They were both involved with other people, it wasn't right. Seeing him standing in front of her in her office only confirmed that they weren't meant to be. She managed to find his file amongst the unorganized clutter before her and had him sit down. Determined to go forward with the interview professionally…although she knew then the insanity she would be dealing with, that much was clear from his work history, she hired him anyway. It was only later that she allowed herself to finally recognize she hired him because, she loved him.

Cuddy got up from her chair and went to wash her face. She needed sleep, knowing in the morning she would have to decide whether or not to answer his call…if she would listen to her heart, or her fear.

* * *

><p>"<em>House…" <em>he stirred slightly, feeling the bed beneath his body, unsure where he was. House could hear a familiar voice, trying to bring him back from the darkness he was trapped in.

"_House can you hear me." _He knew it was Thirteen sitting beside him, slowly noticing the soft beeping sounds emanating around him…he was in a hospital bed. Opening his eyes he saw her perched in a chair, a look of concern clouding her features. He shifted in bed, almost pulling his I.V out in the process.

Thirteen put a hand on his wrist to still his movements and reached for some water to give him. "House stay still, you're going to rip your line out of your hand." Thirteen sat back down in her chair once she knew House was relaxing a bit.

"Well…" House stopped, clearing the croak in his dry throat, "…the fact that you're sitting vigil at my bedside with that look on your face…doesn't bode well for me."

"Wilson asked me to be here in case you woke up, he got called away…" House saw Thirteen look down at her hands as she spoke, knowing she was trying to avoid further discussing her presence in his room.

"I had a seizure."

"Yes…Chase found you on the floor in your office yesterday morning…you've been under sedation since then to give your body time to rest."

"Well great, I've been meaning to catch up on my beauty sleep." House said with weak sarcasm. Trying to wrap his head around what had happened to him, and why…but he already knew why.

Thirteen looked weary, like she had been sitting with him all night. "It's okay…" House spoke gently looking into her eyes. "I know my diagnosis…why I had the seizure."

Thirteen straightened up in her chair. "You do?"

"I'm assuming you ran scans while I was under, brain scans…I have a tumor." House said this without question, getting directly to the point like he always did. There was silence in the room as they looked at each other, sharing expressions of sadness. Only the constant dull beeping sound from his heart monitor was cutting the tension filling the space between them.

Thirteen wasn't surprised by House's confession, "Yes." She confirmed his statement knowing that he needed her to be a messenger of the truth, not a consoling friend. "We found a mass in the frontal lobe, in the right hemisphere of your brain" She paused, not wanting to be the one to tell him this, Wilson should be the one, but House needed to know now…"It's relatively small still, but from the imaging we took we estimate that you've had it for awhile, and it's growing, the seizure you experienced yesterday obviously indicates that."

"Where are my scans? I want to see for myself." House started to remove the blankets that were wrapped around his legs. He was growing sick at being in a hospital bed, despising feeling like a patient in his own hospital.

"House stop, you can't get up yet. I will bring your scans too you, but you have to stay here." Thirteen managed to pull the covers back over his legs, placing a hand on his shoulder to push him back to the mattress. As soon as House moved he felt the rush of dizziness hit him anyway, realizing he was no match for her and gave into her request.

"I have your scans House, you don't have to arm wrestle Thirteen." Wilson spoke softly from the doorway to House's room, where he had been listening quietly as House asked for the evidence. He entered the room and handed them over to House, helplessly handing his friend over the dire proof of his failing health.

House took the images from Wilson's outstretched hand; he pulled them out of the envelope and held them up to the light.

There it was, a small dark spot nestled in his brain, resting in a spot that would eventually destroy his mind, would inevitably kill him. House put the images down upon his lap, knowing what came next. The tumor was located in a part of his brain that controlled everything. He knew that removing it would come with a huge price…he could lose function, destroy his intellect…the only thing he had left to hold onto.

"I assume the biopsy is already scheduled." House stated, already knowing the answer.

"I have you down for later today. Chase is going to perform it, get a piece of it to check for malignancy, but judging from the shape and density I think its benign House. Although I'm sure you already gathered that yourself."

House nodded, staring off out the window, not wanting to see their concerned faces any longer, it was too much for him to deal with. He always hated sympathy. Thirteen sensed House's growing weariness and knew it was time for her to go. "I will see you after the biopsy." She said as she gently touched House's arm with her hand, then she turned and left the room, leaving Wilson and House to talk privately.

"You can leave too Wilson, I don't need a babysitter. I'm not going to make another run for the border." House said while still staring absently out the window, watching the snow softly hit the ground outside, hoping that Wilson would take the hint and leave him alone in his reflective misery.

"House, talk to me. I know you're scared but this is probably nothing, and if we remove the growth now you might have a chance at a full recov-"

"I'm not an idiot!" House shouted at his friend, finally looking over to stare at Wilson. "I know the risks of removing a mass like this. I will more than likely have permanent damage…lose my medical license."

Wilson sat down in the chair by House's bedside, not planning on going anywhere despite House's protests. "I know the risks, but we caught it early. Plus you don't have a choice here. If you don't remove the mass it will kill you. You already had a seizure, who knows when the next one will hit."

"And I can get hit by a car tomorrow walking out of this hospital…everyone dies."

"Look, let's just wait and rule out cancer first, I will perform the test myself after Chase gets a piece of it. Then we can figure out what to do next."

"Yeah…" House replied quietly, lost deep in thought.

"You want something to eat? I think I can bribe the kitchen to make you something half-way edible." Wilson said trying to ease the tension by changing tactics.

House sighed, rubbing his face with his hand not attached to an IV. "Fine, but only if that new hot nurse brings it to me. I'm thinking today's the day she will let me cop a feel, now that I might die." House said, trying to give Wilson what he wanted, playing along with the conversation like he usually would.

Wilson smiled and got up to get House his request, "Oh…I mailed the letter to Cuddy I found on your office floor, sent it this morning, figured that you would want that." House nodded in agreement.

Wilson stopped at the open door, "I didn't call her to tell her what happened…but she would want to know House, this is too big—"

"She doesn't need to know…not yet." House spoke, looking at Wilson in the doorway. "I want her back. You know this…but I don't want her to feel like she _has_ to come back to me, I want her to want it for herself, not because of this…" House looked down at the images still sitting on his lap.

"Okay…" Wilson replied with a sigh, "but if this turns out to be more serious, I would hope that you would be honest with her. If something were to happen…you can't do that to her House." Wilson left without waiting for a response, leaving House alone.

He waited till the door was closed, angrily throwing the scans off his lap onto the floor below. House rested his head back against the pillows behind him…exhaustion and pain weighing him down as he closed his eyes against it, wanting nothing more than to have her here with him, holding his hand.


	11. Chapter 10

**Took longer than I wanted but I hope you will enjoy the end result, my favorite chapter so far! Let me know what you think...**

_"Morning..." House's voice whispered in her ear, as he reached towards her. She could feel his fingers delicately move a strand of hair away from her face. Then he kissed her on the cheek, brushing his stubble purposely against her, causing her to turn over and open her eyes to the man who was so intent on waking her._

_"Is it even morning?" Cuddy groggily mumbled through half lidded eyes. "I didn't hear the alarm...House, it's still dark outside." Cuddy sat up in bed looking out her bedroom window, noticing that dawn hadn't approached yet. She looked over at her lover then, his eyes were dancing in the dim bedroom. She knew exactly why she was aroused from her slumber...someone else was aroused next to her. She had the urge to punch him for disturbing her sleep prematurely, but she also secretly loved how much House wanted her, it was exhilarating..._

_"Don't worry, I didn't wake you up for completely selfish reasons." House said as he leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips, shutting her up from further protest. He shifted so he was on top of her, slowly kissing her neck, making his way down her body with his mouth, disappearing under the covers. Cuddy giggled as he kissed her bellybutton, an extremely ticklish spot that he was well aware of. He knew every inch of her body so distinctly, everything she craved..._

_It felt like House was everywhere, surrounding her senses, caressing her so amazingly perfectly. She could never think straight when he touched her like that...but something was off, something was wrong with this picture, but she couldn't decipher her worries._

_Suddenly it hit her..._

_This wasn't real. It couldn't be. They had been apart for months. He had broken her heart…and she had broken his…none of this was true._

_"House, wait." Cuddy spoke in the dark, searching for him under the covers with her hands to pull him back to her face. _

_House shifted himself up to her eye level, carrying a look of sadness on his face, sighing at his partner's reticence. "What? Did you want me to go first, cause I'm more than happy to accommodate that."_

_"This isn't real…you're not really here." Cuddy spoke her fears out loud, mainly to remind herself what she knew to be true._

_House looked so exceptionally deep into her in the eyes in that moment, grabbing her hand and lacing his fingers with hers in the darkness of the bedroom. "I know this isn't real, but I'm here...I'm trying, but now you won't even allow yourself to love me in your dreams." House dejectedly let go of her hand and got out of bed. Cuddy could make out that he was getting dressed, leaving her. _

_"Wait...please, don't go." Cuddy frantically got out of bed and crossed over to him, terrified that he would actually leave. He was absolutely right. She couldn't even open herself up to him in her dreams anymore. She was now pushing away the only connection to him that she had left._

_"I have to Cuddy. You don't want me here, you never did, even when we were together." He put on his shoes and looked around in the shadow of the bedroom for his cane._

_"That's not true, I tried when we were together, but it was always so hard." She reached out her hands to him, wanting so very much to embrace him again._

_"So you gave up on me."House turned around, moving aside, making it so her outstretched arms were out of reach to him. _

_She dropped them back down to her side and softly pleaded, "I didn't mean too...I wanted to be with you-"_

_"No, you never did..." House interrupted her, giving her a look filled with such incredible anguish before he walked out her door, never glancing back. _

_Cuddy was frantic. She didn't want him to leave her... "House!"_

She woke with a start, the dream taking a toll on her sleep and her fragile heart. Once she wiped the tears streaming down her face she threw off the covers in frustration, her heart still beating fast from her dream. It was only five in the morning, but Cuddy didn't want to attempt to fall back to sleep, scared that she would wind up feeling the utter despair from her dream…her nightmare…all over again.

Managing to do her morning yoga and shower before Rachel even stirred from her slumber, Cuddy found herself vacantly sitting back down on her bed not knowing what to do next. Trying as hard as she could to focus on the fact that today was Christmas Eve, a joyous occasion, and not dwell on the fact that at 9pm she had to make a difficult choice…whether or not to answer a call from a man that continued to haunt her every thought.

Cuddy heard Rachel wander out to the family room and switch on the television, a habit of hers that she had told her repeatedly to stop. She hated how much of a television junky her daughter had turned into, but being that it was Christmas Eve Cuddy decided to lay off the scolding for the day and join her daughter on the couch instead. Hoping for any distraction that might momentarily ease her mind.

"Hey sweetie." Cuddy smiled as she sat down next to her extremely focused daughter.

"Look Mommy, is Rudoss! Him's nose is helping Santa bring the presents." Rachel pointed with a grin to the Christmas cartoon that was entirely spoken in French, her other arm was wrapped securely around her unicorn, like it had been for almost two months. That unicorn was starting to smell too, but Cuddy couldn't get Rachel to leave it alone long enough to wash it, crying that she needed her 'Housie,' and that he was clean enough for her.

"Well I think Santa is going to need Rudolph's help to get here too, we sure are having a lot of rain, but I know for a fact that you've been a good girl this year, so I'm sure Santa will drop off something extra special." Cuddy replied, she had been reassuring Rachel all week that Santa would be able to find them, it was a deep concern for Rachel.

Rachel looked over at her mom and beamed, "Maybe Rudoss will stay and be my friend too… maybe I can stay awake to ask him."

"Well I think Santa would be sad if Rudolph stayed away from his home...besides, you know Santa only comes to houses with sleeping children, so you need to go to sleep tonight so he is able to leave you a present."

Rachel conceded and looked back to her foreign cartoon. Cuddy got up from the sofa and went to make breakfast, making sure to make a strong cup of coffee for herself, the lack of peaceful slumber taking a toll very early on in the day.

Over the next few hours Cuddy kept herself busy with things around the house. Frustrated that the stormy weather was keeping them both locked inside. Rachel insisted on skipping any sort of nap that day, too excited for a 'stinky nap,' as she so lovingly referred to it. It was fine with Cuddy because at least she had another person to talk too. However at around seven that night Rachel had worn herself out so completely that she had transformed into a snoring child sprawled out on the family room floor. A picture Cuddy made sure to capture before she picked her increasingly heavy daughter off the rug and put her in bed for the night. When she turned off Rachel's light and shut her door, she sat still in the darkness of the hallway and listened to the storm raging war against the sides of the house, the thunder clouds rolling in, she hated being alone in this weather.

She went into her bedroom and switched on a light, putting her anxiety aside and making sure to retrieve Rachel's gifts hidden in her closet before she got any further distracted. She glanced over at her end table where her phone sat by her bedside, noticing that the clock beside it read 7:26. Still some time before she had to make a choice. She grabbed her daughter's presents and went out to the living room to arrange them underneath the little tree that Rachel had insisted on decorating completely with cranberries and candy canes. Then she aimlessly made her way into the kitchen, not entirely sure of what to do from there except eat...knowing she didn't have a chance at being able to stomach anything.

She felt so alone. It was an intensely powerful feeling that hit her like a ton of bricks, she tried so hard to fight through the ache she felt weighing in her chest. Pacing around the kitchen struggling against her own thoughts, two opposite sides of her brain declaring war much like the storm thrashing outside. She hated herself for feeling so weak, she had always been stronger than this, able to push aside most anything with enough will power.

Cuddy heard the soft ring before she even registered what it was. Her phone was mutely sounding from her bedroom, she could barely make it out, but once she got halfway down her hall she knew without a doubt. Crossing over to her beside she saw the clock reporting the time to be only 7:56. Cuddy sat down on her bed in her confusion, staring at the phone. She knew she only had about two more rings before the call could no longer be answered…if this was House…she took a deep breath and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" Cuddy answered with a shy question, biting her bottom lip in anticipation of what voice would answer her back.

"Hey." House spoke to her then, his voice was tentative. He was absolutely petrified she would hang up on him once she recognized who her early caller was.

Cuddy felt her eyes well up as soon as she heard his voice, just one word from him made her head buzz. 'He actually still had the power to give me butterflies,' she thought…'and still has the power to shatter me into pieces, like he did not so long ago…' she had to remember that too. "It's not 9 yet."

"It isn't?" House cautiously teased, attempting to break the ice the only way he knew how. He shifted in his bed, laying his head back against his pillows in order to control the shaking feeling in his body.

"No." Cuddy responded softly. She could already sense herself relaxing just hearing him speak, she ached for him, but she needed to remain cautious. House had an amazing ability of blindsiding her…she had to be careful.

"Well," House cleared his throat, "I assumed you were probably pacing the floor trying to decide whether or not to answer, so I figured I would save you an hour of stressful thinking."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, he was so arrogant, a trait that was annoying, but one of the many reasons she loved him.

House smiled, "—and I will take it from that sigh I just heard, I'm correct about the pacing…"

"-and I will take it that you think being a know-it-all is the best way to start this conversation." Cuddy replied slightly sarcastically, a faint smile crossing over her lips as well.

"We're talking, and you haven't hung up on me yet, so that's a good start in my opinion…unless you_ are_ planning on hanging up." House knew she wouldn't hang up, he relaxed a bit at the thought, relishing in her painfully alluring husky voice on the other end. It had been too many months without her.

"I'm not sure yet." Cuddy shifted positions as she spoke, leaning her back against the headboard of her bed. She knew she wasn't going to hang up.

"Fair enough." They both were silent then, unsure of how to proceed. House could hear what he thought was thunder in the background but nothing more. "Rachel asleep, I don't hear her…"

"Yeah, she passed out in a sugar coma about an hour ago. Taste testing cookies for Santa was tough on her."

"_You let her have sugar_? Wow, you're different in France." House joked with her. Loving that they were both at ease, it made him feel more alive than he had in months.

"I guess I am." Cuddy reported back, it was the honest truth, she did feel more relaxed in France; away from working her life away. The only thing troubling her…was thinking about him. The man on the other end of the phone who also sounded changed somehow, "You sound good House."

"I guess I am." He spoke her words back at her the way she had moments before, the only reason he sounded good was because he was talking to her…House heard a crashing sound through the phone, and Cuddy quietly gasp, he knew she was scared. "Was that thunder?"

Cuddy caught her breath and looked out the window into the blackness. "Yes. It started about an hour ago. It sounds like it's on top of us right now."

"Are you okay?"

House's concern was comforting, easing her fear from far away. "I'm fine." She looked away from the storm, working to keep her anxiety at bay.

"I know you hate being alone during thunderstorms." He said quietly, wanting nothing more than to be holding her close.

He truly did know everything about her, Cuddy smiled. It was a bit overwhelming at times, but no other man would ever come close to memorize her the way House had, "It helps that I can hear your voice right now…I guess that answers your question whether or not I will hang up on you."

House nodded with a smile, he had smiled more in the last five minutes than he had in months, "So…how are you? I mean, besides the storm…"

Cuddy took a moment, she didn't know quite how to respond, "I love it here…" she hesitated, she just wanted to tell him the truth, no more games, "…but I'm tired, I haven't been sleeping much lately."

"Ah, we have that in common." He dreamt of her almost every night, but recently they had become nightmares, he kept losing her over and over again.

"How are you doing?" Cuddy returned his question.

"Well my new boss is a real bitch, but other than that I'm doing okay." House heard the crashing sound again, even louder than the last, "I heard that. Are you sure you like it in France?"

Cuddy pulled the blankets up around her, hiding her eyes from the window. "Currently not so much…but this storm will pass eventually."

"No worries, its probably just Santa's rotund ass walking on your roof." He could hear Cuddy laugh in response, the simple sound from her so far away was incredible, "I miss your laugh…"

Cuddy didn't know what to say to that, she missed him too, but she was scared to admit it, "House…" She stopped herself, why couldn't she just tell him…she took a deep breath "I miss-"

The single light from the bathroom went out at the same time the phone line went dead. The storm had dealt its final blow, knocking out the power, leaving Cuddy in complete blackness. She threw the phone down after checking that his voice was truly gone, getting out of bed, making her way through the dark to retrieve the candles from the dresser.

A soft glow slowly started to form around her as she placed the candles throughout her bedroom, trying to fight against the pure terror she felt because of the storm, and the despair engulfing her from the absence of his voice, wanting nothing more that to have him by her side.

She immediately went to her suitcase in the corner of her room and unzipped the inside pocket. Removing from a pillowcase the one thing she brought with her that still held a part of House. His shirt was all wrinkled, but she didn't care as long as it smelled like him. She stood in the middle of her candle lit room and took off her shirt, letting it fall to the floor as she pulled House's shirt over her bare skin, buttoning it in place. Then she pulled the collar up to her nose, trying to capture any kind of scent that might be left on his shirt…

And just like that, he was there.

It was very faint, so much time had passed since it was against his skin…but she could sense him all over. Cuddy took another breath in, calming her rattled nerves to the best of her fragile abilities and went to the desk, taking a candle with her so she could see. Opening up the drawer she removed some paper and a pen, placing the candle beside her she sat down and tucked her hair behind her ears. It was finally time for her to write House a letter…

* * *

><p><em>House stirred in his sleep, his head felt like it was going to explode off his neck. As soon as he opened his eyes he saw him standing in the doorway. Wilson's haunting face stared back at him. House could tell his friend had been crying…Amber was dead. <em>

_House was quiet, no words would come…no words would change a damn thing. Wilson turned away just as quickly as he had appeared, leaving House alone. _

_He turned his head as he felt her presence beside him, slowly getting a hold of his senses, putting the puzzle pieces back together again. Cuddy was there, sitting curled up asleep in a chair. Her heels were lying on the ground underneath her, and a strand of her hair was lying across her face, she looked stunning, even in sleep. He wanted to touch her, move the hair falling over her eye, caress her skin. She could make him feel better, take his pain away. House had hurt his friend beyond anything he ever imagined he could do…and he was going to lose Wilson forever…_

_He heard her voice whisper something before he witnessed her tuck the fallen strand of hair behind her ear as she opened her eyes to him. _

"_Hey" she said with a half-smile, shifting herself to sit upright in the chair._

"_Hey back."He spoke, his voice scratchy._

_Cuddy took notice right away and reached for a glass of water to help him, "How's your head?"She asked quietly._

_House could tell she'd been crying too, just like Wilson. She handed him his cup and lingered by his bedside, House could smell her perfume surround him. "Still attached…which is blatantly apparent at the moment." _

"_I'm sorry…" Cuddy frowned, her eyes looked incredibly sad. _

_He hated it. No sympathy was going to fix what had already happened, Amber was dead, and he could never change that. "I'll live." House replied with more vehemence than he had intended too, causing Cuddy to take a step back._

_He could see this affected her, upset her. "Is that not something you wanted?" She implored._

_House looked away from her eyes, he couldn't handle this, "It should have been me, not Amber."_

"_Is that what you think? It shouldn't have been anyone House, not Amber and Not You." He saw a single tear fall softly down her cheek, she tried to brush it away quickly, but it was too late. House could feel his heart beat quicken, he couldn't handle seeing her like this._

"_Please…don't cry over me-" He saw another tear silently fall before she turned away to compose herself, reaching down to put her high-heels back on her bare feet, hiding her face from his. He wanted to comfort her…but he didn't know how, "-I don't deserve your tears Cuddy."_

_House was starting to realize that she was finally letting her guard down with him. They had been flirting more and more over the last year, spending extra time together, he knew she felt the tension between them building as well. He was constantly turned on around her now, something he was able to keep control of for years…but not anymore. She had slipped past the iron wall around his heart, and it terrified House, he wasn't ready for her yet, he would mess everything up. House knew he didn't deserve her, no matter how much he may need her in his life. _

"_I'm fine, it's just been a long couple days."She said with a terse smile, her tears had vanished. Then she looked down, he could tell she was deciding something…he felt it then, her hand covering his own, her gaze looking at their combined hands on the bed as she finally spoke, "That's a lie. I'm crying because I almost lost you."_

"_Your star doctor?" House replied. Just the simple touch of her hand was enough to make his head spin. Then she looked back into his eyes, House thought she never looked so beautiful._

"_No, you." She didn't break her eye contact…and neither did he, it was the most honest moment they had shared together in years. He wanted to kiss her. He felt his hand reach up and touch her cheek before he even realized what he was doing, he saw her bite her bottom lip, he was making her nervous…he mimicked what he wanted so desperately to do with his lips and ran his finger over her bottom lip before he forced himself to break contact._

"_We can't" He said in, breaking the quiet between them. This couldn't happen, especially now, how could House be with the women he loves if Wilson couldn't…_

"_I know, especially now…with Wilson..."Cuddy spoke out loud what House was thinking, "I should go." She spoke looking into his eyes, but she made no move to leave, House could see her hesitate, like she was deciding something, before she moved her head towards him, her lips pressed delicately against his, her hand still covering his hand on the bed. It was only a moment before she pulled away to leave, but House stopped her, grabbing her hand she was about to remove from his own. _

_"Wait." _

"_House…you're right, now's not the time."_

"_I know…just stay here tonight." House needed her there…even if he couldn't have her completely. "That way I can at least say I slept with you." He smiled, teasing her like he always would._

"_Okay."She returned his smile and sat back down in the chair, leaving her hand resting on top off his. They looked into each other's eyes while they rested in silence. Finally after a while Cuddy closed her eyes to his and leaned her head to the side of the chair, and House spent the rest of the night watching her sleep…_

These were the memories House re-lived when he went under for his biopsy, on the same night he found out about his brain tumor.

Chase had performed the biopsy, and House remembered cracking a joke about Thirteen's breasts in his face being nice to fall asleep too, as she leaned over him to check the harness supporting his head. His eyes forced themselves closed as the sedation ran through his veins, feeling like he was thrown back in time to the night Amber died years before, as if he was there all over again, touching her lips with his fingertips.

The next thing he knew he was cracking his eyes open, looking over to the same chair he had flashed on during his surgery, but found Wilson looking back at him instead of her.

"Hey." Wilson said from his chair

"You look tired. Have a hot date last night?" House managed to mumble. He could tell right away that the results weren't good, the fear started to choke him. "Just tell me." House added, his tone was like ice.

Wilson knew he had no choice but to just speak, "The tests concluded…it's an atypical meningioma. There were some pre-cancerous cells, but we caught it early, and with surgery and radiation therapy—"

House cut him off, not needing a textbook reading, "I _am _a doctor Wilson, you can stop. "

"We can set you up for removal as soon as possible."

"I want to do Radio surgery, I don't want an open dissection."

"House, no. We need to open you back up to see if we even _can_ take out the whole tumor. The chances of Radio surgery resulting in a complete removal are slim, you know this."

"Wilson, we both know the chances of a reoccurrence with a tumor like this."

"Yes but they don't all turn out that way, this could be it. You have to give yourself the best chance."

"I'm not doing the surgery!" House didn't want to hear about giving himself the best chance, "I can't risk losing the one thing I have left. I know where the tumor is located, the outcome will most likely be loss of function."

Wilson leaned forward in his chair, "You don't know that. It could be—"

House coldly interrupted, "You're not going to change my mind-" He looked away from Wilson then, he needed some time to process, "-and if you don't mind I want some time alone."

Wilson could hear the sadness in his voice, knowing he needed to give him what he wanted. He slowly got up from his chair and headed for the door, "Okay. I will go schedule it." He turned to face his friend once more and quietly spoke, "You're going to be okay House."

House got his wish then, he was all alone…

* * *

><p>It had been almost a month since the day of his biopsy. The day House found out what type of tumor was invading his mind, poised to kill him.<p>

The Radio surgery House had opted for removal went smoothly, and House had begun radiation treatments since. Christmas had passed and House had managed to get up enough courage to dial her phone number on Christmas Eve, liked he promised her he would…

…and she had answered. Just hearing her voice made him ache through his whole body, but it was worth it just to talk with her, if only for a few minutes. He wanted so desperately to tell her what he was going through, but he refrained. It didn't matter anyway because their phone call was cut short, interrupted by the storm he could hear raging war against her home on the other end of the phone. He tried desperately to call her back over the next hours, but to no avail… and then he had to force himself to stop.

The radiation therapy was well underway, causing House to feel incredibly tired at all times. He still went to work, but he mostly stayed in his office, never making any contact with his current cases, just the energy to walk the halls was more exerting then he could admit to anyone. Wilson tried to convince House to take some time off, but House had refused. Telling Wilson that he was fine, when in truth, he just needed a distraction from sitting in his apartment and thinking about Cuddy.

House hadn't written her a letter since the phone call with her. He had become wrapped up in his recovery, and ravaged with exhaustion because of it. He knew if he were to write her now it would come out jumbled, and he might confess that he was sick, that he needed her…something he was trying his best not to do.

"We got the test results back." Foreman came into House's office then, interrupting House as he was slipping slowly into sleep resting his head upon his desk. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

House was getting sick of his team treating him like a cancer patient…which was exactly the case, but he hated it. "Stop apologizing, and tell me what you found." House said as he lifted his head from the desk, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"We found a mass in her kidney, you were right, she has cancer. Wilson is in with her now…"

"Great, must be cancer month. " House sarcastically spit out. He was growing tired of the word. He shifted in his chair and looked down at the mail sitting on his desk, noting it must have been dropped off while he was sleeping. A small package was sitting on top of the pile, it was from Cuddy. House thought it might be a trick of the mind, but when he reached for it, it was really there.

Foreman noticed the return address. "Is that actually from Cuddy?"

"No it's from her mother, decided to move on, older ladies get me hot."

"You could have just said, it's none of my business. " Foreman said with a smile as he dropped the file on House's desk and left the room.

House turned the package in his hands, instantly picturing her face, before he started to remove the tape…

He saw what he thought was his shirt sticking out of the end of the package. As soon as he pulled it out he knew he was accurate, and as soon as he had it in his hands…he smelled her. Her scent was all over his shirt, it was unmistakable. He pulled it closer to his face, rubbing the fabric against his nose; it was like an immediate drug to him.

He looked inside the package to find a letter as well, so he set the shirt upon his desk and reached for the letter, it would be the first one she had written back to him…he took a deep breath and opened it…

_**House,**_

_**I'm sitting here by candlelight as I write this letter to you…**_

_**Ten minutes ago I was listening to the sound of your voice on the other end of my phone. You sounded so unbelievably close to me, calming me. It was like I could reach out and touch you, even though I understood we are thousands of miles apart.**_

House could still hear her voice that night too, replaying it in his dreams over the last few weeks.

_**I chose that…**_

'I helped.'

_**To put myself as far away from you as possible, in hopes to escape from 'us' forever.**_

_**You scare me House. I think you already understand that...**_

_**I pushed you away for years, hiding behind our off timing like a shield to protect my heart, because giving in to my love for you terrified me. I knew that it would always be an impossible endeavor to pursue anything real with a man who would ultimately be incapable of truly loving me back; a man who couldn't even love himself.**_

_**In the beginning I was able to keep my heart at bay because of work, I was your boss, and I knew that had to come first no matter what. I accepted this as what it had to be, pushing my feelings deep down and becoming your friend instead, ignoring the love I had for that arrogant cynical man I had fallen head over heels for from the moment I met him… **_

_**After your leg, and Stacey leaving, a part of me thought…maybe…but then you started your battle with pain, excruciating pain, which you chose for yourself House. **_

_**Then you found vicodin, and the House I knew was gone.**_

House closed his eyes against the hurt he was feeling reading her words, his exhaustion from the radiation settling in. He took a couple of breaths and a shot of his Irish coffee sitting cold on his desk before he continued on.

_**You became a man who could hurt me, who was selfish, lashing out at everyone, cutting into my heart with each awful remark. After a while you made it easier for me to let you go. Years went by, and although my love for you was still there, I knew in my soul that you could never love me back, not really.**_

'I wanted to.'

_**So I moved on, I dated, searching desperately for a man who I could love as much as I loved you. I kept reminding myself that you weren't in love with me anyway, that you would never open your heart up again. I knew you were attracted to me, and I knew you were aware that I was attracted to you, but that was all there was. I was just your friend, your employer, a girl from your past that you shared only one night with…nothing more.**_

_**I could tell things started to change after Amber's death, after that night in your hospital bed when I held your hand, when I let my guard down with you for the first time in years, a moment of weakness for the man I had almost lost.**_

_**But I pushed it aside…like I always do.**_

_**When you finally hit rock bottom and the hallucinations started I was in shock, I was terrified. You had hurt me so many times, but I still wanted to fix your pain, help you…love you. Then I realized how crazy that was…you had never been able to be there for me, and I spent years of my life trying to fix you. So when you left for Mayfield I was determined to leave you, I had a child to think of, I had to move on…and then Lucas came back into my life.**_

House instantly pictured Lucas in his brain with his arm around Cuddy…a horrible picture he witnessed too many times. House wanted nothing more than to have a vicodin bottle sitting in front of him in that moment, hide himself away from the pain, his guilt over how he hurt her. He took another shot from his whiskey filled coffee cup instead.

_**After I called him and he was sitting in front of me I looked at him with new eyes. Here was a man that liked me, wanted to take me out. I was hesitant at first, scared to open my heart back up to anyone, when it had been consumed with you for years. But eventually I found myself happy, he made me feel loved, something that you could never give me. **_

_**We dated for two months before you walked back into my life. I had anticipated this moment, and I remember the second you walked back into my office I felt it. I would have to push you away again, I had Lucas, but when I saw you again standing there, I knew all I wanted was you…**_

_**Foreman was in the room, which made it difficult for me to talk openly to you. When you quit…you said you couldn't come back to work because you needed a new start…one that didn't include me. I knew you were right, and I knew that I needed to continue to move on too.**_

_**So I did.**_

_**Then Lucas proposed and I became overwhelmed with emotion, I felt happy that I had found a man that wanted to marry me, take care of Rachel, but I knew I would always wonder about you. You still consumed my heart House. Watching you, my House from years before, come slowly back into my life that year was an incredible feeling. Honestly my heart fills up now just thinking about the moments I first saw glimpses of the man I fell in love with at the bookstore. I fought against you still, and you reverted to your old ways from time to time, but you were slowly swallowing me up all over again.**_

_**When the crane collapsed and we had to work together I was angry at you. Why did you have to be the guy I finally could see myself with now? I was engaged to a man that I did love, but here you were, ready for me now…after all these years am I supposed to just say yes to you?**_

'Yes.'

_**When we were under the building, and I heard you talk about your leg, I finally allowed my heart to remember… I knew my answer. **_

_**Yes.**_

_**I had to give us a chance, even though I was terrified we would screw it up, I knew that we had to try at least once, know for sure if we could be happy together.**_

_**But I know now that I expected too much…and I gave up to quickly. I knew that I would always love you, but I also knew what it felt like too love you, and it hurts just as much as it heals…and it became too much, so I ran.**_

_**I let my fear of you never truly loving me, never caring about me, win over my heart to soon, I shouldn't have quit on us when I did…and I'm so sorry House.**_

_**But I still miss you, everyday. **_

_**Cuddy**_

House folded her letter back up and put it in his pocket, grabbing the shirt she had sent and throwing it over his shoulders as he limped out of his office. Her words echoing his footsteps as he made his way to the elevator. He wanted to go home and pack, catch the first flight to her and be there by morning. It was all consuming, after everything he had been through he just needed to feel her again.

Halfway home he realized he had to re-think things, slow down. He still had one more treatment to go through, and he didn't want to just show up unannounced, as much as he selfishly craved too. When he finally parked his car at home he had created a new plan, he went straight to his computer and began to finalize the details, and then he took out a pen and paper and started to write her another letter…


	12. Chapter 11

**Okay well I didn't get much response from the last chapter (worries me a bit), hopefully this one is more to your liking…I am still loving writing this, and I feel like I have a lot more to write for our lovely couple, I've only just begun. If I promise not to kill off House are you guys still along for the ride?**

**Let me know! Oh and I'm going out of town for a week, so hopefully this chapter will tide you over for a bit. **

**Hope you enjoy!**

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><p>"Mommy?" Cuddy stirred from her sleep, Rachel's muffled cries filtered down the hallway and filled her ears, causing her to fully awaken. She could tell Rachel was upset, and when Cuddy looked at the clock she realized it was only 3:30 in the morning, not a good sign.<p>

"Its okay sweetie, I'm here. " Cuddy quietly spoke as she entered Rachel's bedroom and switched on the light by her bed. As soon as she sat down she could feel Rachel was burning up, pulling off her covers and picking her up to cuddle her.

"Mommy I got sick on Housie." Cuddy smelled it as soon as Rachel confessed that she was partially sitting in vomit.

"Rachel don't worry, we can wash him. Let's get you in the bath okay." Cuddy carried her then into the bathroom stripping Rachel down as she turned on the bath. Rachel's temperature was high so she went to get the Tylenol, bracing herself for the next couple hours, knowing she wasn't going to be sleeping anymore tonight.

After she bathed Rachel she changed her own clothes and laid Rachel gently down in her bed, crawling in next to her to rub her back. She had to stay awake to make sure Rachel's fever broke, when she took her temperature before it was almost 103.

Cuddy rested her head against the pillows and stared up at the ceiling in the dark, her mind drifting to House like it did when she had any time alone to think. Lately she had been recalling bits and pieces from their brief time together, something House had slowly put back into her head by writing about their history through his powerful narratives.

She hadn't heard a word from House since their ill-fated phone call, now almost two months in the past...and she was starting to get concerned. Cuddy wrote to him that same night but didn't send it till a couple weeks later, wavering back and forth whether it was a good idea to send her letter at all. The shirt was a last minute addition, grabbing it impulsively from her bed as she headed to the post office. She had been wearing it almost every night since the night she pulled it from her suitcase and surrounded herself with him. After a couple nights of wearing his scent she finally gave in and washed it, knowing that it needed it, but it made her sad to lose the one piece of comfort she had with her.

She sent the package out over a month ago...but still no response. Cuddy knew that Wilson would have called her if something had happened, a piece of reality that she tried to hold onto when she found herself slipping back into her same old 'anxiety over House' routine she moved thousands of miles away to break free from. So she tried to let it go...

Cuddy had also begun working at a Children's hospital in the city her and Rachel had settled in. When they first moved into the house she knew there was a hospital nearby but she hadn't fully decided that she wanted to work. She cherished all the time she got to spend with Rachel and she was afraid of falling back into old habits. Then one day Rachel discovered a preschool right around the corner from the hospital, as they were walking home from lunch, and declared she wanted to play with the kids that she saw there. Cuddy knew that Rachel needed to play with kids her own age, but she was hesitant at losing the time with her. Rachel however pulled Cuddy's arm all the way to the front door of the preschool, making it clear that her daughter needed some child time away from her Mother.

After she enrolled her there three times a week, Cuddy went into the hospital to check it out...and she fell in love. It was smaller than Princeton, which Cuddy enjoyed. She always wanted to work with children, but a long time ago decided against it and opted to pursue running a hospital instead. She wandered around the hospital, getting a feel for it before she made any decisions.

Then she met Dr. Barret. She was waiting alone for the elevator on the third floor when he came up beside her and said hello. He was extremely handsome, which made Cuddy immediately uncomfortable, but she soon discovered he was sweet, and he just so happened to be the head of the ER, and looking for a new doctor…

He hired her on that same day, besides knowing she was only in France temporarily, and that she only wanted to work three days a week while Rachel was at preschool. Cuddy could tell he was attracted to her, and she knew that she was ultimately attracted to him, but he had never said anything directly to her in the beginning, much to her relief. Then two weeks ago he came to her and asked her to lunch, but she declined, knowing it would never go anywhere when House was still in the picture, but then Cuddy remembered…maybe he wasn't. She hadn't heard from him, for all she knew he had relapsed. She knew in her heart that he was sober when he wrote to her, and she could tell on the phone he was clean then too, but that had been almost two months ago.

Cuddy went home that night after Dr. Barret had asked her out, repeatedly reminding herself that she had made the right call... but as the night went on she felt like she had made to quick of a decision, and then she thought about the reason she was even in France, making friends with a man like Dr. Barrett. It was because, among other things, the love of her life drove a car through her home in a drug-addled fit of jealousy...

So the day after she refused his offer, she told him she changed her mind, and went to lunch with her new suitor.

He was incredibly kind and easy on the eyes, and he seemed relaxed which made Cuddy feel at ease. They talked the whole lunch hour. He spoke enough English and she spoke enough French that their communication was fine, and at the end of the lunch he asked her to dinner. They had been on two dates since and Cuddy knew he wanted to keep going, they had a lot in common, he also had a daughter Rachel's age from a divorce, and he was caring and amazingly attractive...but Cuddy knew after their third date she couldn't see him anymore. He dropped her off after dinner two nights ago and walked her to the front door, Cuddy knew he was going to kiss her, but she didn't stop him, needing to feel anything real, she allowed it to happen. When he leaned into her and brushed his lips against hers it instantly felt wrong, she didn't have feelings for him, and she hated herself for it. She put her hand up to his chest and stopped it right away; mumbling something about feeling sick and she didn't want him to catch it, as she thanked him and slipped her key in the door, escaping her eager attractive pursuer.

"Mommy…?" Rachel said quietly. Cuddy saw her daughters face and knew she was going to throw up right there before she could do anything to stop it. Cuddy scooped her up before she could lay down in it and brought her out to the couch. Draping a sheet over her, she set a bowl underneath her sick daughter before there could be any more accidents in bed. The she turned on morning cartoons for Rachel and went to strip, the now, two dirty sets of bedding Rachel had got sick on. By 7:30 in the morning Cuddy was exhausted, and Rachel had finally passed out on the couch, her fever was still bubbling inside her but it had gone down to 101 which made Cuddy a little less nervous, so she took it as a sign that she should get some sleep too, and made a bed upon the floor next to Rachel…

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><p>"Mommy, where's Housie!" Cuddy opened her eyes to her panic stricken daughter as she slowly started to realize they had both passed out in the living room.<p>

"Sweetie, you got sick on him remember? I put him in the wash."

"But I needs him now." Rachel was already at the point of tears, her sickness putting her out of the reach of sanity.

"Okay Rachel but I'm not sure he's dry yet." Cuddy knew she was going to get an earful now as she reached in the washer and found Housie still very damp.

"I want my Housie." Rachel's shrilled that statement over and over as Cuddy threw the unicorn in the dryer and cranked it up to high, hoping to at least get enough moisture out to placate her daughter.

"He's still wet, you're going to have to wait at least 5 minutes." Cuddy said as she went to get Rachel something to drink, hoping to calm her down enough for the next few minutes.

"Please Housie!" Cuddy rubbed her daughters matted hair out of her face and wiped the rapidly fallen tears off her sickly daughter.

"I will get him okay, but you need to calm down." Cuddy went to the kitchen and grabbed the damned unicorn reaching for a dish towel and wrapping it around the soggy stuffed animal like a baby. "Here, just keep him in a blanket, he's sick like you so you both need to keep your blankets on okay."

Rachel calmed immediately down and returned to her cartoons. Cuddy took a deep breath and went to the bedroom to change. When she saw the clock on the end table already reported it being after eleven in the morning she threw on jeans and brushed her teeth, trying to get a start on what would probably be a long day of talking care of Rachel. She turned on some coffee and stepped outside to get the mail, noticing it was actually a lovely day. It was February but the sun was shining creating a nice mid-morning heated glow over the front yard.

Cuddy saw House's letter sticking out in the middle of the pile, and a sense of relief came over her that… at least he was okay. The letter seemed damaged like it had been traveling for awhile, Cuddy put the rest of the mail down beside her as she sat on the front porch and opened his new letter.

_**Cuddy,**_

_**I was going to start this letter by looking back to another memory of 'us,' to try and remind you again of the man you fell in love with, convince you to let me back into your heart once more, to not let us go. Then I received your letter today…and I realize that I have to do much better than that. **_

Cuddy was starting to get worried her letter had been lost in the mail. It was a great relief to find out that he had read it.

_**No matter how impressively I can convey how I sorry I am for every hurt I've inflicted, every tear I've made you shed over me, ultimately I can't ever undo what I've done to you. **_

_**I know better than to think I can even come close to making up for years of damage, I'm a selfish self centered son-of-a-bitch…a phrase I believe you (among many others) have attached me too, and I've done horrible things…**_

Cuddy felt her hand start to shake as she read his sorrow, remembering those words when he said them to her in the beginning, the day they started their relationship…he knew it then.

_**I do not disagree, I could never deny this. I am that self centered son-of-a-bitch and much more. I've gone my whole life knowing this, owning this like a badge of pitiful honor, hiding behind my ego and my absolute stubbornness.**_

_**I know you need me to change this. I just wish you would have seen that I was trying to change this…**_

_**I can't do this through letters anymore, I need to see you. After I got your letter I decided instantly to come see you. Get on a flight and show up at your doorstep as soon as I could, but then I remembered that you left to get away from me, and if I were to show up unexpectedly, well that would be a betrayal to you. **_

_**So instead I've booked a flight in three weeks, on February 20**__**th**__** Flight 723 arriving at 10:15am your time. **_

Cuddy felt light headed, her heart beat quickened as she slowly comprehended what his words were telling her…he was coming…

_**I assume I will be arriving on your doorstep an hour after that…I am sending this letter out first thing in the morning to give you time to think it through; decide what you want for yourself. If you don't want this, if you're not ready to see me, then you tell me. Write me, call me, let me know somehow that now is not the time…or that it will never be the time. **_

_**Until then…well, I hope to not hear from you.**_

_**House**_

She hurriedly reached for the envelope starting to put the pieces together, realizing in that instant that is was damaged because it had been lost…the postmark date was stamped three weeks ago.

Today was February 20th. Cuddy quietly put the letter beside her on the porch and wiped the tears off her cheeks. Then she slowly lifted her eyes towards the edge of her garden…knowing in her heart, he was already there.

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><p>House's taxi pulled up to a long driveway, as the driver stopped and turned to him, "C'est la maison sur le droit chemin, vous devez?"<p>

"No, I can limp the rest of the way." House said as he paid the driver and got out of the cab, swinging his duffel bag over his shoulder, and fumbling with his cane as he opened the gate to the driveway leading to Cuddy's home. House noticed his hands were shaking as he closed the gate behind him, trying to calm down with each step he took while slowly making his way to the little white house on the right. He could see a garden in front of him and a swing on a tree as he approached, finally reaching the edge of the grass, but then he froze. He was petrified he would screw everything up, like he had always done. He leaned against the tree to catch his breath, and calm his rattled nerves...he was going to see her for the first time in almost 6 months...

House took another moment before he decided he had use of his legs again. He stepped away from the tree he was leaning on and turned towards the front porch…

…and then…he saw her.

She didn't notice he was there yet, his moment of breathing by the tree must have shielded him from her view. She was sitting barefoot on the porch, the sun casting a light all over her body, making her skin and hair glow as she sat perfectly still, lost in whatever she was reading. House noticed the pile of mail lying next to her side. He stood still, not wanting to be noticed yet. Taking advantage of his closeness to her, he memorized her all over again. She looked more beautiful to him in that moment than she had ever been. Her hair was longer than he had seen in years, falling in waves around her face the way he loved. He wanted to go to her and wrap his arms around her, but he knew he had to take this slow.

Cuddy moved then, reaching down to the other mail and looking at a piece of it, seemingly upset over something. He saw her move her hands up to touch her face…then just like that, she looked towards the tree, right into his eyes.

They stood staring at each other for a long time before either of them moved. It was Cuddy that shifted first, standing up from her spot on the porch…but then she made no move further. House could tell she was frozen in place, just like he was moments before. So he took another breath and leaned on his cane, walking ahead, finally bridging the gap that had been between them for far too long.

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><p>Cuddy was in utter disbelief that he was standing there in her garden, at the edge of the grass like a ghost, wondering how she didn't notice he was there till now. They took each other in, locked in each other's gaze. It had been so long since they were face to face...since he gave her back her hair brush and walked away from her months before. Cuddy found herself standing up from the porch but then she couldn't get her body to move any further… but she didn't have to move, House was walking towards her.<p>

"Hey." He said tentitvely as he set his bag down by the bottom step, not attempting to move any closer to her.

"Hi." Cuddy managed to squeak out, as she fought the instant urge she had to wrap her arms around him.

"You seem surprised. I thought—"House cut himself off as he noticed his letter to her lying unfolded on the porch floor. "You just got my letter, didn't you?" He looked back up to her eyes.

"It must have been lost...I." Cuddy swallowed the lump in her aching throat. "I just read it now."

"I'm sorry..." House went to pick up his bag. "I can get a hotel and find a flight for—"

"Its okay." she softly interrupted. Cuddy found herself smiling inwardly at his awkwardness. She could tell he was nervous, "You're already here."

"I am." House shifted in his place from the bottom of the porch, wanting nothing more than to close the last bit of distance between them and kiss her lips. Cuddy saw him place his bag back down on the ground, noticing him wince from the pain it must have caused in his leg.

"Let me take that." She said carefully, as she finally built up enough courage to walk down the three steps to him, stopping at the first step so that they were eye level. She could smell his cologne and it engulfed her senses, being so near to his skin. She immediately felt her stomach flutter as a result…but she ignored it the best she could as she leaned down to grab his bag from the ground. Cuddy felt his eyes on her as she picked it up and put the strap over her shoulder, not chancing to look back into his eyes just yet. 'Its light.' she thought to herself, 'must not be planning on staying long.'

Then, with nowhere else to look, she brought her eyes back to look directly into his, they were intimately close to each other, but neither of them said anything.

It was Cuddy that broke the stare first, as she began to notice House's eyes start to sparkle, a hint of a smile reaching to the corners of his eyes. So she directed her gaze to his lips and confirmed a lingering smile there as well, "What?" she asked, feeling self conscious from his knowing grin.

"Nothing..." House replied, as soon as she mentioned it his smile faded, he wasn't even aware he had been smiling. He could tell he was making her nervous, so he told her the truth, "You're wearing the perfume I got you."

"Oh…yes I am." She felt stupid, she could barely talk to him, she hadn't felt this tongue tied with a guy since she was twelve. But when House stared at her the way he was now, she had a hard time concentrating.

"And if you don't stop biting your bottom lip…I can't be held responsible for my actions." House spoke candidly as he gazed to her lips, but made no attempt to move. Just the tone in his voice forced a shiver to run down Cuddy's spine.

"House…" she whispered his name, she felt frozen to her spot on the step, the world seeming to spin around her.

House knew he shouldn't, but he reached out and gently took her hand in his own, nervously brushing his fingertips against her palm, testing to see if she would pull away. She looked down at their hands then…but she didn't pull away. So House slowly brought both their hands up to his chest, placing her palm against his heart.

Cuddy felt his heartbeat mimic her own so succinctly, the heat off his body warmed her hand, as she felt the curve of his chest beneath her fingers, causing her eyes to well up unwittingly, by the feelings his touched stirred through her.

House saw the tears start to form in her eyes and knew he had pushed to soon, he brought her hand back down to her side and reluctently left it there, bringing his own hand to his side. "I'm sorr—"

"You want to come inside?" Cuddy quietly asked, purposely stopping his apology, letting him know it was okay, she could still feel her hand tingle from his touch. Then she began to hear the faint sound of Rachel coughing from just inside the door, breaking her out of the House induced fog she had retreated to, and remembering that she had a very ill child to take care of, "I have to check on Rachel, she's been sick…" Cuddy looked tenderly into his eyes as she brought her hand up between them and placed it on his chest where it had been moments before, before she turned and went back up the stairs.

House watched her go up the stairs, then followed shortly behind, loving the way her hips moved, and amazed that he was actually in her presence once again. Rachel was on the couch lying on her stomach when he entered. House thought she looked older, bigger, but also extremely sick. House noticed that the light seemed gone from her eyes as he sat down on a foot stool to be close to see her, adjusting so she could see his face. Cuddy was sitting next to her rubbing her back, and checking her forehead with the back of her hand.

"Ahoy Matey." House looked at her, tilting his head with a sly smile.

She focused on House and smiled to the best of her abilities, reaching out her little hand to his face. "House…" she squeaked.

House high fived her tiny palm with his own, the way they used to do. Just by the touch of her hand House could feel how hot she was. He turned to look at Cuddy, "How long has she been like this?" he gently inquired; he could see she was worried.

"Since around 3 this morning. Let me get the thermometer." Cuddy got up and disappeared down the hall. House shrugged off his coat and put his hand to Rachel's forehead, softly checking her pupils as Cuddy came back into the room.

"Rachel, honey let's sit you up so I can check your temperature." Cuddy carefully lifted her onto her lap as she put the thermometer in her daughter's ear.

Rachel seemed delirious but she managed to speak once she was upright. "You's come on a ship?" she mumbled as she looked into House's eyes.

House scooted his chair closer to both of them, "I came on a plane, filled with stinky people." House plugged his nose to emphasize his point, making Rachel smile, as she reached her hands to him, wanting to be held.

"It's up to 104, and she hasn't been able to keep fluids in most of the day either."

"You give her anything?" House reached for Rachel and took her gently from Cuddy's lap, holding her against his chest.

"Only tylenol this morning, but it didn't break the fever completely." Cuddy saw House put his hand on the top of her daughters head carefully, pulling at her heart as she was reminded of the bond they had begun to form. Suddenly Rachel lifted her head up from House's shoulder, Cuddy saw the look in her daughters face and knew what it meant, "Uh, House—" but before she had time to react Rachel threw up right down House's back.

"Well…" House said making a face looking at Cuddy, "I think that's the quickest any girl has thrown up on me. I didn't even have to buy her a drink."

"I'm so sorry, here let me take her." Cuddy reached for her daughter and placed her on the sofa, turning back to House as he was removing his shirt. She reached for his shirt to put it in the wash, trying not to stare at him. His bare chest was just inches away.

"Hey, eyes off the goods." House said, as he turned to fetch a shirt from his duffel bag. He was secretly glad he still had the power to make her blush like that.

Cuddy looked away from him and back to Rachel, "She's getting worse..."

House scooped Rachel delicately back into his arms. "Unless you have something to start an IV here, we're taking her to the hospital."

Cuddy knew he was right, "I'll call a cab." She went down the hall and grabbed the phone, walking back out to House and Rachel as she confirmed with her driver. She saw House leaning against the wall for support, Rachel heavy in his arms. "I can take her." Cuddy spoke to House while reaching for her daughter, their hands brushing against each other during the exchange, sending more shivers through her body.

"I want House." Rachel's weakly protested against her mother's shoulder.

"House can't hold you for that long, remember, sweetie, his leg hurts too much." She looked into House's eyes then, seeing the sadness in his face for what he believed to be his short comings, but then she saw him push it away.

"Plus when I hold you, you puke on me…I believe the first time was when you were a baby." House touched the tip of her nose, smiling at her, trying to distract her from her discomfort.

"Can you grab her unicorn, it's wrapped in a towel on the couch." Cuddy asked House as she went to grab her purse and meet the cab that she could see driving towards them.

House retrieved the doll, noticing it was wet, and slightly misshapen, "I take it this unicorn had a similar experience as I did."

Cuddy smiled as she headed to the door, "Yeah, Rachel certainly has good aim." She paused at the doorway and turned to House, "You don't have to come, I know you are probably jet lagged—"

House reached and put his hand gently on her arm for a second before dropping his hand back to his side, stopping her from speaking more with his simple touch. "I'm coming. Besides, you know I don't trust doctors. Especially French ones."

Cuddy stood there and took him in, he was actually there with her, saying the right things…comforting her and Rachel. "Thank you." Cuddy replied, as she leaned in to him and kissed him tenderly on the cheek before opening the front door, heading out to the cab without another word or a glance back.

House followed closely behind, touching his cheek with his hand where her lips had been just moments before…


	13. Chapter 12

**Here you go. Sorry I was on vacation so it took a bit longer to flesh out this chapter…but I managed to get some writing done, and finalized it this morning. Hope you continue to enjoy!**

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><p>The cab pulled up to the curb of the Children's hospital and Cuddy paid the driver before quickly getting out of the car, holding Rachel tightly cradled against her chest. She began walking anxiously through the doors leading to the emergency room that she had now been working at for some time…information she hadn't had the nerve to confess to House yet. The ride to the hospital had remained silent between them. The shock of being in each other's presence again after so many months apart overshadowed all attempts at communication.<p>

Cuddy worried herself into a ball of rattled nerves over getting Rachel the fluids she needed, and over the fact that the man she had only received love letters from over the last six months was walking next to her, guiding her to the front desk of the emergency room with his hand pressed against the small of her back. She immediately felt safe with him so close by her side, but also she was terrified over the possibility that House would meet the man she had begun to date over the last month, Dr. Michel Barret, who happened to be the head of the ER they had just entered. Seeing as how the last time House saw her with another man ended in an epic disaster, she certainly didn't want a repeat of that, especially because Rachel's well being was all that mattered to her now.

"Dr. Cuddy?" One of the nurses that Cuddy worked with many times before, came over to them as they stood by the desk waiting to check Rachel in. "C'est que Rachel, ce qui est de l'affaire?"

Cuddy saw House's questioning look as she looked from him back to Nurse Moreau. She could read through his expression he seemed disappointed when he understood she worked at the hospital, she sensed it right away. They barely had time to talk since he arrived…and there was so much to say. "Elle a une fièvre et très déshydraté." Cuddy slowly pronounced, her French still extremely shaky. She shifted Rachel to her other hip, wishing her daughter was still a baby at that moment. She could hardly hold her anymore. "Is Dr. Sherard here?" Cuddy asked, she had worked with him and thought he was the most capable, besides Dr. Barret of course.

"No…he is sick. It is Dr. Barret, is okay? I get him." Cuddy froze when she heard his name. He was the best doctor this hospital had, but she didn't want him anywhere near House. "You come with me, yes? Room deux cent cinq."

Cuddy looked at House briefly again before she resigned to follow Nurse Moreau, wanting to get Rachel into a bed with an IV started before she had a conversation with him. She could sense him close behind her, grateful that he was there with her, but terrified this was going to end very badly.

House went into the room and sat down in the chair in the corner by the foot of the bed, watching mutely while Cuddy put Rachel down in the bed and kissed her clammy forehead. The nurse took Rachel's pulse and temperature marking it in her chart before she exited the room, leaving the three of them alone in the quiet they had grown accustom too over the last twenty minutes.

"So I gather you work here." House said calmly, finally breaking the heavy silence between them, looking at Cuddy as she sat down in the chair next to Rachel.

"Yes." Cuddy looked back at House, "Just a few days a week."

"You're a doctor again…that's good" He stated. House always wanted her to practice again, but not like this. He didn't want to think of her actually staying in France.

Cuddy could tell he was sad, but he said nothing more. She rubbed Rachel's back as she tried to figure out internally how she was going to handle the inevitable meeting between House and Dr. Barret, but nothing came to her, it was an impossible situation.

Then he entered the room…and she had no time to think further on it.

"Lisa?" He said as he moved the curtain aside, carrying Rachel's chart, not taking notice of House in the corner of the room, "Are you okay?" He asked in a thick accent, coming to stand close to her…'too close,' she thought. She knew House would read right away that there was something going on between them. He always had a nasty habit of deducing a person's deepest thoughts in a matter of seconds after meeting them.

Cuddy shook it off, Rachel came first. "I'm okay, but Rachel has been sick since early this morning, she's not keeping any fluids down and her fever will not break."

"Yes, I see it here is 104, her fever is very high. We will give fluids and something for fever now. Then we will see how she is." He turned to Rachel then and leaned down to see her face, touching her nose with his finger, like House had done not long before. "You stay right here, mademoiselle, and I make you better." Rachel gave him a half-smile causing House to immediately loathe him. He was tall and younger than House by at least ten years, and House knew that girls probably drooled over the French George Clooney bastard all the time.

He also deduced right away that the squalid doctor wanted Cuddy, any man would be crazy _not_ to be attracted to her, and he felt sick at the thought that maybe there could be a chance that she felt the same. He needed to know.

Dr. Barret made a note in Rachel's chart before returning his gaze to Cuddy, placing his hand on her cheek, a gesture of intimacy that made House's skin crawl and confirm his worst nightmare…there _was_ something going on between them. "She will be fine, no worried face." He smiled at her, caressing her cheek with his hand before he turned and left the room. House clenched his fist extremely tight, trying his best to mask his fury over the asshole having the nerves to put his hands on Cuddy.

Cuddy realized she had been holding her breath, and her head was spinning wildly from the last thirty seconds of insanity. She didn't want to chance looking at House, choosing to look back to Rachel and sit next to her on the hospital bed instead, her back turned towards him, attempting to hide her face the best she could. She knew it was cowardly, but she hadn't a clue what to say, she felt like she was being swallowed up by him already.

"House?" Rachel whimpered almost inaudibly from her spot on the bed. She couldn't see him from where her head was on the pillow.

House could sense she was upset, confused as to what was going on around her. He got up and crossed over to her, knowing that he needed to somehow attempt to make her feel better, something he had very little confidence in himself to provide her. "I'm here puke monster." He said as he put his hand over her small one, giving it a soft squeeze. "And I'm not going anywhere."

Cuddy turned to look at him as he spoke those words, finding him already staring at her. She knew then, that his words were not just meant for Rachel, and her heart was starting to race extremely fast from the intensity of his eyes pulling her towards him. They sat extremely close to each other making it hard for her to find the words she knew she needed to say to him. She felt sick from everything that had happened around her over the last few hours, but she pushed it away, drawing in a breath to calm her nerves, "House, I know we have a lot to talk through…and I need to explain—"

"Je vais commencer dès maintenant les fluides de Rachel." Nurse Moreau came into the room breaking the tension between them abruptly, interrupting Cuddy before she could clearly convey any details about Dr. Barret. "You hold her hand, for the needle."

"Yes, Rachel honey look at me okay." Cuddy stroked Rachel's hair out her face as she situated her other hand so that Nurse Moreau could start an IV.

"Mommy, no shots." Rachel started to cry as she became aware of what was going on, her whole body started to shake as her sickness and emotions took its final toll on her little body.

House was still holding her hand as he leaned in closer to her so that she could see his face, and put on his best pirate voice, drawing in her focus. "Aye, brave little pirates are tougher than any needles these here scurvy dogs can muster up. You have your trusty unicorn, right?" Rachel nodded, House saw her wince from the simple movement, but she was distracted as the needle was about to go in. So he continued in his native pirate tongue. "Arrgh, you see, that there unicorn will protect wee buccaneers from those damned son of a biscuit eater needles, so don't be afraid ." House finished with his pirate talk distraction just as the nurse finished with the IV and Rachel hadn't felt a thing. "I told you." He winked at her before lifting his head up from hers.

Cuddy was amazed that House had the ability to absolutely comfort Rachel. It was a gift she was incredibly thankful for, she found her eyes sting with emotion as she reached out to grab House and Rachel's hands that were still wound together, "Thank you." She spoke through the lump in her throat.

House nodded…not knowing how else to respond. Displaying emotion through a letter to her was one thing, but now that he was seeing her face to face, it was much harder to be completely vulnerable.

Rachel started to drift off to sleep as the two of them held her hand, the fluids and medicine for the fever slowly taking effect in her weakened body. House pulled his hand away first, his leg throbbing as he massaged his thigh and got up slowly from the bed. He reached in his pocket and pulled out an ibuprofen bottle. The pain had been escalating since he arrived at her doorstep and it had finally become too much, especially now after finding out what Cuddy had been doing over the last few months.

Cuddy watched him as he dry swallowed a few pills before putting the bottle back in his pocket. He sat down in the chair he had vacated only minutes before, looking extremely weary and upset, like he had been through a lot over the last few months. It was starting to concern her that there was something he wasn't telling her. She got up from the bed carefully, slowly regaining her confidence back, grabbing the other chair and bringing it with her as she put it down in front of House and sat facing him, their knees almost touching. She knew she had to talk to him, "House…are you alright?"

He looked at her but didn't respond right away. Of course he wasn't alright, not after what he had just witnessed, "Are you talking about my leg or how I feel about you sleeping with that doctor?" He quietly retorted. He was angry and hurt but he was trying to keep it at bay, he didn't come here to fight with her all over again, but he didn't come here to see her with another man either…

"Both."

"Well my leg feels as great as it's ever felt. As for the rest of it…does it matter?"

"Of course it matters…what you saw—it wasn't what you think."

"Are you dating Dr. What's-his-face?"

"No…I mean yes, but it's not like that." Cuddy fumbled over her choice of words, her exhaustion weighing down on her.

"Just sex then." He spit back at her, frustration seeping through his veins.

"House, stop." Cuddy sighed and looked down at her lap, wanting desperately not to fight with him over someone inconsequential, "We're not sleeping together. We have only been on a few dates…recently."

"He seems to know Rachel well for only a few dates."

"He has a daughter her age. They go to the same pre-school…"

House bowed his head and rubbed his thigh once more, wishing he had something much stronger than ibuprofen to help him through this. "I shouldn't have come."

"Please, don't say that. I know I was surprised when you were all of the sudden standing in my garden…but I don't want you to leave. You just got here." She weakly smiled at him, willing him to look back at her, believe her… Cuddy looked at his vacant expression, not knowing what to say, she was still in shock that he was there and scared that maybe it was too soon…but she missed him just the same.

House met her eyes and saw her worry her fingers over the necklace that he had returned to her only a few months before. "It's fine…I'm not going to repeat past mistakes if that's what your worried about. Dr. Frenchie isn't going to be maimed or punished because he stole you from me…you aren't mine to steal."

"House—" Cuddy was interrupted again by the door opening to reveal Dr. Barret. Causing them both to look at him and away from each other as he crossed toward Rachel's bedside.

Nurse Moreau came in behind him and went to check Rachel's temperature, showing the result to Dr. Barret as he listened to her heart with his stethoscope. "Her fever is now 101, is good. Let us have the fluids finish and then you can take her home. Is only flu she will be fine. "

"You're not going to run any tests?" House asked, forcing Dr. Barret to finally acknowledge his presence in the room.

"I'm sorry, who is this Lisa?'

"This is Dr. House…he works out of Princeton." She looked between the both of him.

"Ah, you have spoke of him, I think…Dr. House, what tests would you like me to do? Is a simple case of flu. Most children get this illness, I'm sure you know this."

"It's meningitis." House stared back, wanting nothing more than to punch the jackass.

"What?" Cuddy implored looking back at House.

House reached out and touched her arm, speaking quietly to her, "When she moved her neck, I saw it hurt her…trust me." He faced Dr. Barret once more. "Kids also get that illness too. Maybe you should test her and find out who is right, oh and you might want to do it quickly before you have an epidemic on your hands, I hear that illness is quite contagious."

Dr. Barret flipped the chart closed watching as House let go of Cuddy's arm. "Now I have seen why you spoke of him. He is more than just a doctor you work with, yes?"

Cuddy looked up to him, seeing the hurt she had caused, "Michel…if Dr. House is right...Please just run the test, I promise we can talk about all this later."

The doctor stood there for a moment looking at both of them, then he spoke to Cuddy, "I know you are worried...of course I will do it, but I think is mistake." He walked out of the room without another word.

"Je vais pour engourdir Rachel maintenant afin qu'elle se sentiront peu douleur lors de la procédure. " The Nurse went to the drawers to start prepping for the spinal tap. Cuddy was failing at controlling her tears at the thought of Rachel having to go through that pain, but she gently reached down and woke Rachel, wiping her tears away, telling her to lie on her side and kneeling beside the bed so they could be face to face.

House watched as Cuddy grabbed onto Rachel's hand and kissed her face, telling her to be brave and humming a song in her ear that House couldn't quite make out. He could sense her thought's from across the room, "Rachel will be okay, her symptoms only started today..." House tried to mask his uneasiness, he knew if Rachel had meningitis than she might have it too.

She looked over to him with tears filling her eyes once more, "I know." She spoke softly, "Thanks to you."

"Well it might just be the flu. Than your Dr. Friend can come in here with his potent cologne and tell me where to shove my cane."

"You know that it's not the flu." She was internally kicking herself for not coming to the same conclusion that House did…'if he hadn't been here…' she shuddered to even think of the 'what if's.' So grateful he _was_ there.

Dr. Barret re-entered the room then, putting on his gloves and mask as Nurse Moreau finished silently setting up around House and Cuddy. House turned and went to sit back down in the chair even though every part of him was screaming to do the procedure himself, not trusting anyone with Rachel's welfare.

"Okay mademoiselle do not move, maybe just be small pinch and then we are all done, okay? Nous comptons à three… de deux, trois, un" Dr. Barret inserted the needle as Rachel cried and squeezed her eyes shut against the pinch in the small of her back, grasping Cuddy's hand.

House felt horrible for her, he had just been through painful tests recently himself, and he certainly didn't wish that pain for a four year old little girl, he wanted to protect her from the anguish. Dr. Barret collected the sample and handed it off to the Nurse. Taking off his mask and coming to bend down to Rachel's face to talk with her, "You were very brave. . . magnifique." He smiled at her and unwrapped a red lollypop for her, "Ne déplacez pas OK?"

He turned to Cuddy and said, "We will run the test. Stay here, I will be back soon with results." House saw Cuddy smile to him as he left the room, and he felt a pain in his chest at the thought that she cared for this man. Maybe he was too late…

Cuddy and House sat there in silence for awhile, Rachel was slowly falling back to sleep after all the anxiety she had just been through. Cuddy got up and turned off the lights in the room, walking over to stand against Houses leg as she closed the vertical blinds, leaving the room in a subdued light.

It took all of him not to reach out and wrap his arms around her, but she turned around and was gone before he had a second more to think about it. He watched her go and lie down next to Rachel in the bed, angling her body so she could still see into his eyes, it was a gesture that comforted him. He realized how much he missed looking at her face, his memories he drew upon when they were apart, were nothing compared to seeing her in person. "You should get some rest." He offered quietly.

"I know…but I'm too stressed to sleep."

"Want me to tell you a story?"

"A story?" Cuddy raised her eyebrow at him, 'God only know what kind of story he could come up with,' she thought. "That depends. Is this going to be fiction or non-fiction?"

"Let's say …it's open for interpretation." House smirked, daring her to accept his offer.

"Okay. " She pulled the blanket over her and Rachel.

"How about a story featuring a girl who gets kicked out of a concert because she kneed a guy in the balls for grabbing her ass, causing her charismatic boyfriend to miss the entire show." House said knowingly.

Cuddy bit her bottom lip to hide her smile. "That's not what happened."

House threw up his hands, in mock surrender. "That story may be a bit tame, you're right." He paused. "What about a story involving a girl who absolutely adored having sex in public—you know…on second thought, we should probably keep it PG in case Rachel wakes up."

"Good idea." She shook her head at the smart-ass in front of her. "For Rachel's sake of course."

"Of course…" House lifted his cane and twirled it in his hands, he had missed this, how he could feel the spark between them instantaneously even through simple conversations with her, it was always there. "I know…" He continued, resting his cane in his lap. He shifted and leaned forward in his chair as he began his tale:

"There once was a man who wandered this earth in a cloud of perpetual doom. People around him always knew him as the miscreant bastard who deserved every nasty thing life threw his way, and he was in agreement, he deserved nothing more. It started at a young age for this man I speak of, always a cynical creature, fighting against the world with his ego and intelligence. A genius that would always be his unique gift and his ultimate downfall.

Then one day he met a girl. She was beautiful, witty, and charmingly stubborn... and this man was smitten, possessed by her from the moment he laid eyes on her. Of course he should have known then what fate had in store, being the pessimistic soul that he was, he knew nothing that amazing would ever be that easy to posses.

They danced around each other for years, after only one night together of unforgettable sex-" Cuddy felt her body blush as he spoke, recalling the memory. "-they would spend the next couple decades plagued with off timing and self doubt. You see, this man I speak of assumed early on in their friendship that he would never be worthy of her heart …and that she would never be able to allow herself to love him completely, his insanity was an impossible thing to embrace. He was well aware of his shortcomings, but he knew not how to break free of them."

Cuddy saw House look down at his hands, sadness crept over her whole being as she saw the pain in his face, but he continued:

"She knew deep down that he loved her, but that knowledge also terrified her. He was unpredictable, and always hid his true feelings away where no one could touch them. How could she possibly want to be with a man who was incapable of expressing anything real?"

"Because no matter how much she fought against this man you speak of…she was already in love with him?" Cuddy asked quietly, searching his eyes.

"Perhaps." House was searching her eyes too, "This man did get his ultimate wish. She came to him on a very broken night, finally confessing her love to him and slowly began ripping down the walls around his dysfunctional heart. It was the best day of his pathetic life…but sadly he knew then… he would never be able to keep her, he would always disappoint her, break her heart over and over again. But despite all that you see he was even more stubborn than she was, he had to try. Hold out hope that maybe after all those years toying with each other's hearts they would be able to hold on to each other this time…and never let go. He wanted that with every part of his being, and he believed she wanted the same."

"She did." Cuddy shakily confirmed.

"But when she finally gave into her love for him, after all that time hiding from it, do you think she still allowed her fears to rule her heart?"

Cuddy felt her eyes moisten, "Perhaps…" she replied.

"Maybe love was never going to be enough for them."

"House—" Cuddy wanted desperately to say that he was wrong, but she couldn't bring herself to speak the words out loud. She had thought that very thing…that perhaps they were _never_ meant to be. They would always mess it up.

The door opened revealing Nurse Moreau entering with a tray in her hands, "It was positive, but it is viral. J'ai la médecine pour vous de prendre tous et j'administrera de Rachel grâce à sa ligne." She spoke quickly while handing them each a cup of antibiotics and then going over to put Rachel's medicine into her IV. "When it finish for Rachel, you can take her home, okay?" The Nurse smiled leaving the room to get the discharge papers, as Cuddy let out a huge sigh of relief over the fact that Rachel would be okay. She looked at House, "Thank you."

House nodded, "I'm glad you can take her home, hospitals give me the creeps." House half-heartedly smiled as he carefully stood from his chair trying to avoid further pain in his body, a maneuver that did not go unnoticed by Cuddy.

Cuddy took a moment and then made a decision, she arose from the bed and walked slowly towards him, stopping just inches away and looked up into his grey blue eyes. "Are you coming home with us?"

"A little forward don't you think, I am a gentleman." House replied teasingly, trying to ease the tension surrounding them from his honest story.

"Where were you planning on sleeping tonight monsieur gentleman? You booked a hotel I'm sure." She retorted giving him a teasing smile.

"Of course…but now you both should be monitored overnight, meningitis is serious you know. You could still come down with symptoms." He bent his head and brushed his lips against her cheek, lingering in her scent. "You have a fever too." He spoke softly in her ear before pulling away from her.

Cuddy felt a rush to her senses as his lips left a trail of heat on her skin, spreading through her whole body instantly…but she knew she couldn't get wrapped in it too quickly, there was still so much left unsaid and broken between them. She wiped the tears from her eyes that his touched had enacted, "Well I'm glad that I have a couch for my nurse to crash on. " She said as she turned and walked away from him then, needing a moment to catch her breath.

"I thought male nurses got bedroom privileges." He joked from behind.

Cuddy couldn't help but laugh, "That all depends on his bedside manner." She answered, looking back at him once more with a smile on her lips.


	14. Chapter 13

**Happy Sunday! Another chapter for you, let me know what you think :) and thanks once again for everyone that has taken the time to leave a comment, very encouraging!**

**Oh and I went back over the other chapters last week and tweaked the typos and certain things I thought needed tweaking, sorry about that...No matter how much you check something for errors they still seem to crop up! Also sorry about the poorly translated French in some areas of my last chapter, apparently my translator tab doesn't work as well as I thought, I will fix those mistakes too.**

**Disclaimer: I reference the book Jane Eyre...I did not write it, Charlotte Bronte did.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Rachel was wrapped in Cuddy's arms as she handed over the keys to House to unlock the front door. He had been right before when he noticed Cuddy's fever, she felt weak and she didn't know how much longer she could stay on her feet.<p>

House could sense Cuddy's weakened state and helped guide her to place Rachel gently on the couch. He saw her falter to stand back upright and quickly wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, "I've got you."

Cuddy felt her head spin wildly as she felt his arms encircle her body as the queasiness began to hit her full force, "House..." It was all she could squeeze out, she knew she was going to lose her stomach at any moment.

"I know. Let me get you to the bathroom before you pull a Rachel on me." He spoke quietly into her ear, "Try to walk, lean on me. I don't think I can carry you that far."

She obliged him the best she could as they made their way to the bathroom. As soon as they reached the doorway Cuddy broke free of House's arms and hurried to the toilet as she began to be violently sick. She could feel House pull her hair back as her stomach purged itself uncontrollably. After about five minutes she started to feel better, taking some calming breaths she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and attempted to stand so she could brush her teeth.

House felt horrible watching her be that sick. Selfishly it flashed through his mind that this was not the weekend he had planned, but he knew whatever else got in their way all that mattered was that he was surrounded by her now. It was, an amazing dream come true. He let her hair fall back down her back and grabbed onto both of her hands to help her stand up. "Well...at least you made it to the toilet." He quipped, receiving a lovely Cuddy scolding look that he had missed provoking very much during their time apart.

Brushing her teeth, and trying not to be sick all over again from the smell of the toothpaste, she dried her face and turned around to face her 'nurse.' "Bet you're rethinking your trip out to France right about now."

"Never." He smiled, "That was hot."

Cuddy swatted him with the towel in her hands, "Thank you...smart-ass." Just those simple movements made her think she might have prematurely brushed her teeth.

House saw her look and grabbed her hand, guiding her to the bedroom. "You need to lie down. I assume this is your room."

"Yes." She managed to speak. Cuddy reveled in the touch of his hand wrapped around hers, trying to focus on that and not her revolting stomach. House opened her door and it was then that she remembered she had nothing on her bed but a bare mattress.

"Love the bed, very modern."

"Crap my bedding and Rachel's are still in the washing machine."

"Do you have any other blankets?"

"Just two in the hall closet."

House let go of her hand and went to grab a few bare pillows from the chair in the corner of the room, limping carefully back to her to her side. He had dropped his cane when he saved Cuddy from falling in the family room, "Here, lie down anyway, and I will get you one of the clean blankets."

"I need to be close to Rachel, she's still out on the couch."

"I will go check on her, but hopefully she will sleep through the rest of the night. Her antibiotics went straight into her bloodstream, plus the pain medication from her procedure will knock her out...but yours are going to take more time to work, and I think you might have thrown them back up anyway." He helped her lay her head back onto the pillows while he was talking, his hands lingering on her a moment longer than necessary before he left to check on the 'Mini Cuddy.'

House went down the hall using the wall for support, and found his cane lying on the floor next to Rachel's snoring body. He covered her up with one of the blankets he had snatched from the closet and tucked the unicorn he bought her under her arm so she wouldn't wake up in a panic. He felt her head and knew that her fever was already heading back to normal, and he breathed a sigh of relief knowing she was going to be weak for the next couple days, but everything would eventually be okay.

Out of the corner of his eye House spotted the washing machine that was holding the bedding hostage, making his way over to it so he could dry the abundance of soggy blankets. Then he went to the refrigerator and pilfered its contents, smiling as he noticed that Cuddy still had nothing good in the form of junk food. He was famished from not eating all day, so he devoured a healthy veggie sandwich and poured a couple glasses of water for himself and Cuddy, bringing the antibiotics and his duffel bag with him as he went back to check on the sickly love of his life.

He crept in quietly when he noticed she had her eyes closed, and carefully placed the water and medicine on the nightstand, fetching the other blanket and draping it over her body as she slept. Impulsively he wanted to lie next to her, but he knew better than to assume that she would want that from him yet, 'or ever,' House mutely reminded himself. So he turned away begrudgingly and sat down in the recliner chair that was facing her bed from the other side of the room, reaching for the book he saw next to him on her dresser.

It was _Jane Eyre_, one of her favorite books. She had mentioned it once to him when he was trying to push her to read one of his favorites, _Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas_. He remembered she made a face at him and said that the only way she would read his recommendation is if he read hers, _Jane Eyre_. He returned her look and gruffly said he would think about it...but she left him a month later, never allowing them the chance to fulfill each others wishes.

The memory provoked House's heart to ache beyond his control. Just recalling the break-up in his mind was almost impossible to bear. He could still feel her hand on his face right before she turned away from him. House looked to her then, peacefully sleeping only a few feet away, and he pushed the pain aside…he was with her now.

The book was already open to a page towards the middle; the cover was extremely worn, like it had been with her for many years. He reached into his duffel bag by his feet; carefully unzipping it so as not to disturb her sleep and retrieved his glasses so he could read, maybe have a chance to fulfill that misbegotten promise to her.

'…_Mr. Rochester, as he sat in his damask-covered chair, looked different to what I had seen him look before; not quite so stern-much less gloomy. There was a smile on his lips, and his eyes sparkled, whether with wine or not, I am not sure; but I think it very probable. He was, in short, in his after-dinner mood; more expanded and genial, and more self indulgent than the frigid and ridged temper of the morning; still he looked precisely grim, cushioning his massive head against the swelling of his chair, and receiving the light of the fire on his granite-hewn features, and in his great, dark eyes; for he had great, dark eyes, and very fine eyes, too- not without a certain change in their depths sometimes, which, if it was not softness, reminded you, at least, of that feeling…'_

House continued reading for a few more pages, but he concluded right away that he likely reminded Cuddy of 'Mr. Rochester.' The character was clearly erratic, cleverly arrogant, and full of a darkened spirit, seeming to possess a lot of the characteristics he knew Cuddy associated with himself. 'Maybe this was her way of missing me…' He wondered inwardly. Although, House didn't think being compared to _this_ man was a good thing. He knew he definitely had to finish it eventually to see if Jane and Mr. Rochester ended up together…or was this desolate soul doomed to live his life alone forever.

House closed the book and placed it on his lap, taking off his glasses, laying his head back against the chair and closing his eyes. Ever since his brain tumor he had a hard time reading for very long without his sight going fuzzy. The initial brain scan after he opted for the less invasive route of having it removed through a laser (instead of an idiot with a scalpel) had shown positive signs that his tumor had reduced to almost nothing. The radiation therapy for the pre-cancer cells however left him feeling muddled, but he was slowly making his way back to decent health. House had taken new images of his brain the day he left for France, per Wilson's insistence, but he hadn't waited around for the results, nor told Wilson he was leaving. He couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't want to know the results yet, his obsessively cynical mind always programmed to focus on the worst case scenario. The tumor was like a dark cloud that loomed over his mind at all times…and he despised the defeated feeling it stirred within his damaged spirit.

* * *

><p>"House?" Cuddy shifted in bed, trying not to move too much, slowly realizing how horrible she felt as she looked around the darkening room for him, secretly hoping he had stayed with her. She spotted him sitting in the recliner chair, his head leaning back and his eyes closed, peacefully sleeping just a few feet away from her, obviously not hearing her when she called out his name. Then she noticed the book in his lap, her book, and she smiled when she remembered that she had once tried to convince him to read it, clearly he had tried to acquiesce to her request.<p>

She noticed the medicine and water on the nightstand, something House must have put there before he fell asleep, and she quickly swallowed the dosage before she gave herself time to think it through, not wanting to wait a second longer before she could no longer keep them down. Cuddy knew that her symptoms were going to sit with her even longer if she didn't start getting the flow of the antibiotics coursing through her immediately. Fixing her pillows so she could lay back down and still see him, she pulled the covers closer around her body and fought off the chills that the fever was forcing upon her. Cuddy stayed that way for awhile, watching his chest rise and fall with each quiet breath he took, trying to think of all the things she had left to say and sorting through how she felt about him being near her once more.

Right as she was about to close her eyes she saw his head move just slightly, the book falling off his lap as he opened his eyes to look into hers.

House could feel her watching him, pulling him slowly back to consciousness. Opening his eyes in the dusky room, he saw that his instincts were correct. Cuddy was lying on her side with her hands tucked under her cheek; her soft alluring eyes still seemed to sparkle even through her sickness as she gazed upon him. "Hey." He said quietly in the darkness.

"Hey." Cuddy spoke with a raspy voice.

"How are you feeling?"

"Shaky…but I will be okay, I just took some more medicine, and I've managed to keep it down so far."

House nodded, "Finger's crossed."

"Yeah." She said with a half-smile, "How's Rachel?"

"She's fine, was snoring like a drunken sailor about an hour ago. I put a blanket over her on the couch."

"You _are _a good nurse. " Cuddy felt a chill run down her back, causing her whole body to shudder from her heavy fever.

"Does that mean I get bedroom privileges then?"

"Well, you're already in my bedroom…so I guess the answer is yes." Cuddy retorted. Then she felt another wave of chills hit her and she closed her eyes against the aching sensation.

"How about my first privilege is that I crawl into bed with you and keep you warm, no groping I swear…unless specifically reques-"

"Okay." Cuddy stated simply, innocently interrupting.

House raised his eyebrow to her as if to question what he had just heard, then wiped it away from his face, taking off his shoes as he made his way to the other side of the bed. He got in, lifting up the covers quickly, trying not to let any heat out as he settled by her side. Her back was too him, and his mind screamed at him to mold himself to her like he used too, tuck his arm under her neck, rest his other arm across her body just the way she loved, but he stopped himself…he had no idea what to do next.

Cuddy sensed his hesitation; she could feel the heat from his body as he was just barely touching her with his own. She hesitated too, not having thought through her acceptance of his invitation to keep her warm, but she felt so sick, and she needed him…that was all that mattered. She reached back with her hand, gently placing it upon his stomach with her palmed turned up, inviting him to take her hand with his own. It was only a moment before she felt him move and the warmth of his hand was placed into hers. Cuddy closed her fingers around his and brought his hand back with her, forcing House to follow her lead and shift his body, sculpting his chest and legs against her back, as she lifted her neck just slightly for him to slip his arm under the crook of it. Then she brought his other hand still wrapped in hers and placed them both against her chest, just under her chin…it was an amazing feeling, an immediate drug to take her discomfort away.

Both of them smiled, not knowing they were mirroring each other, as they closed their eyes…falling asleep wrapped completely in each other's arms, linked together so perfectly, like they had never been apart.

* * *

><p>House slowly opened his eyes in the pure darkness of the bedroom, still wrapped securely around Cuddy's small frame. Both their bodies were damp pressed so incredibly close together under the blanket, 'her fever broke,' he discovered as he pressed his hand that was still resting against her chest closer to her bare skin. House couldn't help himself and softly pressed a kiss to the back of her neck, taking in the smell of her skin and the way her hair felt brushing against his cheek. Cuddy hummed in response, but she only shifted a bit in her sleep without fully waking.<p>

"_Mommy_? " …It was then that he realized why he was awake in the middle of the night; he must have unknowingly heard Rachel's voice coming from the living room. House slowly moved his arm from underneath her neck, causing her to roll over so that her face was just inches from his, making it nearly impossible for House to move out of bed towards Rachel's pleading. He took one last look at her incredible face as he extricated himself the rest of the way from her body, he got out of bed and picked up his cane from the floor, careful not wake her as he made his way down the pitch black hallway.

When he got out to the family room Rachel was sitting up on the couch, remote control poised in her hand as she stopped on a French version of the all-night cartoon network. She heard footsteps and turned to look who they belonged too. "House!" She said loudly through the quiet, beaming up at him.

House smirked and put his finger to his lips, gesturing for her to talk softly. "You're Mom's sleeping, and trust me you don't want to wake her yet or she might throw up on you." He whispered, sitting down by her side and pulled the covers over his body sharing them with Rachel, while checking her forehead to see if her fever was still with her. "What are you watching?"

"The show with the robot who's eats people heads off, and-and that green doggy burps all the time. It's so funny."

"Sounds pretty good actually." He leaned his head back and stretched his legs on the coffee table in front of him. "Does your Mom know you sneak out here at night and watch TV? I assume this is not your first time watching this show."

Rachel bit her bottom lip, 'Just like her mother,' he thought as she slowly shook her head, knowing she had been caught.

"Don't tell her okay?" She looked up at him with her big doe eyes, clearly attempting to win him over with sheer cuteness.

House furrowed his brow teasingly than gave her a thumbs up, "I will take your secret with me to the grave my dear." He put his hand over his heart, making another goofy face, causing her to giggle quietly before she turned back to her PG-13 cartoon.

They sat there equally entranced from the late night entertainment, laughing at the Robot as he ate one the heads off of a three headed alien; the alien's neck oozing florescent pink blood as the Robot went after another head, 'Pure comedic genius,' House acknowledged, 'The little runt always did have good taste.' He felt her move beside him as she adjusted her small frame to fit under the crook of his arm, resting her head against his chest.

House looked down at the top of her head before he put his hand on her arm, holding her against him while they watched the cartoon. This kind of gesture was always hard for House in the beginning of his and Cuddy's relationship, he had no clue how to be a father figure, having grown-up with a father as harsh as his, there were never any example shown to him of what this role should look like. But over time House began to be okay with Rachel, he was relaxed and himself, and she had connected with him just the way he was; never needing him to change for her to love him. They developed a friendship and a familiar bond that was much stronger than House had given credence too. It took losing both of them to realize just how much he _did_ want to fill the father role in her life… he had fallen in love with her too.

* * *

><p><em>A bright light kept flickering rhythmically while she slept. She shifted pulling a pillow over her eyes to block out the attack on her drowsy senses, but she could still sense it there. Throwing the pillow off, she noticed she was actually lying in a hospital room, the light breaking her from her slumber was a heart monitor flashing strange numbers across the screen. Cuddy checked her hands and chest and confirmed that she wasn't hooked up to it, confusion clouding her mind as she tried to understand what was going on. She slipped on her high heels she could barely see on the floor and looked around in the darkened room.<em>

_Suddenly she heard footsteps growing louder and she stood up as the door opened to reveal a person, but she couldn't make out who it was, only able to see behind the stranger into the clinic at Princeton Plainsboro, she could blurrily see her office door in the distance. _

_The stranger stepped forward, his face finally catching the light, "Lucas?" Cuddy was flustered, she hadn't seen him in so long, not since she broke his heart and handed him back her briefly worn engagement ring._

"_Yeah…hey." He said as he stepped closer to her, meeting her eyes with a strange expression on his face._

"_What are you doing here, is everything okay?" _

"_Why wouldn't it be?"_

_Cuddy hesitated, at a loss for words, "Well…uh, I haven't seen you for so long, and-"_

"_But you came back to me last night remember, you wanted to try again." He grabbed her left hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing it gently, "See…you're wearing my ring."_

_Cuddy's eyes grew big as she saw the diamond catch the small light from the heart machine behind her. She swore she didn't have a ring on her finger just moments before. "Lucas, I don't know what's going on, but-"_

"_It's okay, I forgive you." He smiled and dropped her hand, reaching up and cradling her face between his palms as he quickly brought his lips to hers before she even knew what hit her._

_She tried to break free but her arms wouldn't move. It was as if they were heavily weighted to her sides. Cuddy mustered all the strength she could find and started to unravel herself from his strong hold on her, "Lucas-no." She broke away from the kiss and looked into his face…but he was no longer Lucas, "Michel?" Dr. Barret was looking back at her, his dark eyes staring directly into her soul, hands were on her face just like Lucas moments before._

_Her heart was racing, as she squeezed her eyes shut against the chaos whirling around her. Dr. Barret's hands caressed her; she could feel his hot breath against her skin as he slowly began kissing her neck. She opened her mouth in protest, but soon discovered she could no longer speak, her voice not even coming out in a whisper. Tears started to fall down her face, she felt frightened, nothing that was happening made any sense, and she was utterly trapped inside it. _

_When she finally found the courage to open her eyes she saw another figure standing in the doorway…watching. It was House; she could feel it even though she couldn't see his face. He stood there in the shadows, witnessing another man put his lips to her neck. Then he stepped forward, and she saw his face catch the light…broken, and angry, his eyes seething at the scene before him._

"_Lucas…now him?"_

_She tried to shake her head no, but she was frozen in horror, the only communication she was able to convey was in the form of tears pooling down her face._

_House looked down and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small box and fingering it in his hands. He looked up with a look of pure anguish as he opened the box and held it up to her, a small blue stone was displayed in front of her eyes, nestled inside tiny diamonds casting bright sparks on the walls around her. _

"_I guess I'm too late." He closed the box before glancing down to her left hand, where another ring was stationed on her finger, and then he turned from her and disappeared through the doorway without another look back._

_All that remained of him was the sound of his cane striking the hospital floor faintly in the distance…until she could no longer hear it._

_Slowly her arms lifted as the sensation of freedom came over her, she pushed free of Dr. Barret's arms and ran after House, quickly emerging from the hospital room into the clinic that was completely empty, candles lined the main desk and the chairs, forming a strange glow around her. She stopped in the center of the room, trying to decide which way House might have gone. Then she heard a voice behind her…_

"_Lisa?" Dr. Barret emerged again from somewhere in the shadows, his eyes pleading with her to go to him as he reached his arms towards her face once more._

"_Lisa?" She whirled around as she heard Lucas call to her from somewhere else in the shadows, but she couldn't see him. All she wanted was to find House, tell him he had made a mistake, she loved him…there was no one else. _

_Turning back around away from both men calling to her she spotted her office door, as a huge sigh of relief washed over her when she instinctually realized that was where he was. She ran as fast as she could, practically sliding into the door with her body as she grabbed onto the door handle...it was locked. So she began to pull with all her might, but it wouldn't budge. She frantically put her palms and face up against the glass to see if her was really in there. Then, she saw him…_

_Standing alone in the middle of the room she could see his pained face as he dropped the ring box onto the floor by his feet and reached into his pocket, bringing out a vial of pills…a bottle Cuddy knew all too well. She banged on the door, "House stop…I'm here!" _

_He looked up but continued his motions, popping the bottle open with his hand and allowing the lid to fall onto the floor settling next to the ring._

"_Please! Open the door let me explain." She pleaded once more jiggling the door handle again in panic._

_She watched in horror as he dumped pills into his hand and threw them in his mouth, tilting his head back to swallow…_

_Then she heard giggles, familiar laughter echoing down the vacant clinic behind her as all the lights came on and the candles blew out…_

_Cuddy put her hands over hear ears against the sounds of laughter…_"_No!"_

She woke abruptly. An eerie sensation engulfed her as she tried to gather her bearings as to where she was… what the hell just happened. She caught her breath and swallowed against the lump in her throat from the horrific nightmare she had just emerged from.

She was in her own bed, that much she could discern, and everything was dark around her. Trying to sit upright was a challenge as she began to feel the pounding in her head, but she slowly managed to fight through it and glanced over to the nightstand to see what time it was. 5:02am flashed back at her, illuminating the bottle of pills sitting beside the clock. Things slowly started to come back to her, as she began to sift through events of the day before, Rachel and she were sick, and House was there. She smiled as she remembered falling asleep wrapped protectively in his arms.

Soft giggles belonging to her daughter started to echo down the hallway, and Cuddy could make out House's voice as well. She got out of bed quietly, noticing that she was still in her jeans and sweater from the day before, and made her way down the dark hallway towards the soft glow of the television in the family room. She reached the end of the hallway and stopped as she saw the two of them huddled on the couch. Her daughter was cuddled up against House, his arm against her side, holding her too him.

"The Robot's gonna kiss that lady with his stinky breath." Cuddy heard her daughter whisper up to House.

"Her breath stinks too, she just ate that monkey's arm." He motioned to the television, as Cuddy turned and noticed for the first time what her daughter was watching. Another filthy cartoon, 'Of course he would let her watch that,' Cuddy rolled her eyes, though she felt like it bothered her less than it had before for some reason. Rachel seemed able to handle it, what possible harm could it actually have on her.

The Robot and lady character Rachel mentioned before started kissing just like she predicted, then she saw her daughter smile up to House, "Are you going to kiss my Mom again?"

House looked down at her daughter, Cuddy swore she saw a hint of a smile cross his lips, but it was gone so quickly she thought she might have imagined it. "It was definitely on my to-do list." Cuddy blushed at the thought of his lips on hers, kissing House was a feeling that she could never shake out of her system no matter how far she ran. It was a powerful sensation she missed so unbelievably much.

Rachel turned her body around to face him, "Are you's going to stay?"

"I can only stay for another day then I have to leave."

"How come…um, Mommy will let you stay longer. Ask her okay."

She heard House sigh before he spoke, "I want to stay, but there's something I have to do back home, then maybe…" He didn't finish his sentence to her, even if he did, Cuddy didn't hear it. She was too wrapped up in his last statement that, 'he had something to do back home.' Something about the way he said it sounded ominous to her, she couldn't shake the feeling.

"Okay, "she yawned, clearly getting sleepy from the past day's events, "Can I have juice please?"

House crossed his arms, "Aren't you tall enough yet to reach the glasses?"

"No."

Cuddy saw him remove the covers and struggle to get up from the couch, clutching his cane and going to retrieve the juice. He grabbed the grape juice and threw it in a small cup, bringing it back to Rachel, stopping to stand behind her on the couch. "Don't spill or your mom will string me up by my ankles." Rachel giggled, "Not funny, did you forget about the root beer float-couch incident?"

Cuddy saw her daughter put her cup down and arch her eyebrows up at House, tilting her head to the side with an incredulous look, "That was your fault." Cuddy heard Rachel say in a hushed voice.

House smiled down at her, "Your Mother taught you that look. You know, it doesn't work when she gives me it, so it's certainly not going to work for the junior variety."

Cuddy finally extricated herself from her secret spot by the edge of the hallway, "That look works on you sometimes, and the root-beer float incident was your fault." She spoke matching their hushed tones with her own, as she slowly approached the two late night culprits in the family room.

House turned towards the raspy familiar voice he heard from the corner of the room, returning the smile he saw upon her face.

"Hi Mommy," Rachel called from her perch on the couch.

"Hey sweetie, "Cuddy was so relieved she was alright, she went over and sat next to her on the couch, wrapping her up in her arms, carefully kissing her all over her face. "You feeling okay?" She asked when she stopped smothering her daughter.

"Uh-huh, "Rachel said through another yawn.

"Let's get you into your bed before you pass out on the couch again, okay? Come on."

Rachel begrudgingly got off the couch dragging her blanket and unicorn with her, stopping to look at House, "I'll be here when you wake up, don't worry." he spoke down to her; she nodded approval and followed her Mom to her bedroom.

House went over and sat down on the couch once more; turning off the television, causing the room to be instantly enveloped in the quiet of the early morning. Cuddy came out of Rachel's bedroom and shut her door. Taking a moment before making the decision to go sit next to him on the couch, "Hey." She said softly.

"Hey." He repeated, feeling Cuddy sit down close to his side, leaning into him as the exhaustion hit her once more. "You should go back to bed."

"The suns coming up…look." She slightly gestured with her head to the bay window in front of them. Just a splinter of the sun was beginning its rise from behind a hill in the distance.

House reached out and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her near to him and tentitively ran his fingers down her arm. He felt her shift to bring her legs up, settling herself deeper in his embrace, so he grabbed her even tighter against him as the sensation of never wanting to let go of her again washed over him. No words were spoken as they watched the sun light the sky, falling asleep once more…locked together.

* * *

><p>'<em>Beep…<em>You have reached someone who does not give a crap—'

Wilson slammed the phone down as he heard House's voicemail sound through the other end of the phone for the tenth time that day.

He had received scans taken of House's tumor, and he immediately began trying to contact him as soon as he deciphered the findings, but he couldn't reach him, even going to his home…but no one was there.

The images showed House's tumor was still there, a piece had remained despite their best efforts, and Wilson knew they needed to open him up, they needed to finally do the procedure House was adamant not to receive. A day had now gone by and he still couldn't reach House, which made him draw the conclusion that his friend really wasn't at home simply playing hooky from work.

Wilson picked the phone back up, reaching into his desk drawer to retrieve his address book. It was becoming perfectly clear where his friend more than likely was. He quickly found the entry and began to dial Cuddy's number…


	15. Chapter 14

**So this took _way_ longer than I planned, so sorry! This month is a tough one at work, but I will still try to post once a week :) **

**Hope I continue to entertain! Let me know...**

* * *

><p>The phone rang faintly, filtering down the hallway as they slept, rousing Cuddy from the wonderful slumber she had fallen into. She immediately became aware of where she was, delicately cushioned safely against House's long frame. Slowly opening her eyes, she began to take him in all over again, the way they molded to each other so perfectly, how the ever intoxicating smell of his skin stirred in her feelings of comfort and indescribable desire. She could hear his heartbeat strongly in her ear from the way her head rested against his chest; her arm was lying loosely around his waist.<p>

House was still engulfing her with his strong arms, just like he had when she fell asleep against him, tightly gripping her to his body as if he were frightened to let go, worried she would disappear while he was sleeping, and he would lose her all over again.

The phone stopped ringing before Cuddy could bring herself to move from the entrancing state her body was positioned in, but she could see through the window that the sun was high in the sky, and she recalled House telling Rachel he was leaving tomorrow. Today was the last day they had to truly talk. She knew he didn't come here to take care of two sick girls; he had come to France for another reason.

As she carefully shifted upright, he started to wake as well, immediately loosening his hold on her and opening his eyes.

Cuddy moved her legs off his lap and pulled away to give him room, "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay, " he said hoarsely as he looked around the room, rubbing the back of his neck."I think my head would fall off if I continued to sleep in that position anyway."

Cuddy nodded in agreement as she tucked her hair behind her ears, feeling how tangled it was, and suddenly becoming insecure about how awful she must look at the moment. House sensed her worry and brought his hand up to her, bravely running his fingers down a strand of her hair, "Have I mentioned I like how long your hair is now?"

Cuddy felt her mouth run dry from his fingers toying with her tangled locks. "No," she managed to reply.

House dropped his hand back down, "You feeling better?"

"I think so. How about you, have you felt any symptoms?"

"Haven't had any urges to pull an exorcist like you and Rachel did. I was only exposed for an hour before I took the antibiotics, so I should be fine."

"Good." Cuddy heard the phone ring again and remembered why she had woken up in the first place. "I should get that, it rang about five minutes ago."

"Is that what disturbed our beauty sleep?"

Cuddy smiled as she removed herself from the couch. She made her way down the hallway, and reached for the phone on her nightstand. "Hello?"

"Hey."

A familiar voice sounded back at her. "Wilson?"

House heard her say his name and he knew this phone call couldn't be good. He hadn't told Wilson he was leaving but he knew he would figure it out eventually. However he also knew that if Wilson chose to interrupt his time with Cuddy, it would be for an important reason.

"Yeah. It's been a long time I know." Wilson confirmed.

"It's nice to hear your voice." She smiled into the phone. "But I'm going to assume that if you're calling _me _it's only because you know House is here."

"Well…" He cleared his throat, "I want to talk to you too. I miss you."

"I miss you too, but you're a horrible liar. " She looked up when she was speaking in the phone to find House hovering in her doorway, looking guilty. "House didn't tell you he was coming to see me, did he?"

She could hear Wilson sigh, "No."

"Hold on he's right here." Cuddy put the phone down on the bed and walked over to House, "What, did you leave in the middle of a case or something?"

"Something like that." House replied more seriously than he intended, and he knew it did not go unnoticed by her.

She took a step closer to him and searched his eyes for some answer to what was going on, but he gave her nothing back. "Well, I will let you deal with that while I take a shower."

House's eyes grew wide and mischievous, "Oh Wilson can wait. You still might be too weak for that. My nursing skills also include giving excellent sponge baths." He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

It took all of her in that moment not to rip his shirt off his body and take him up on his enticing offer. "Well…" she tilted her head, attempting to play along with his teasing, and ignore the pulsating sensations shooting through her at the thought of showering with him. "You should have thought of that before you decided to piss off Wilson."

House almost melted into a puddle as he saw her lick her lips before she disappeared down the hall and shut the bathroom door. He caught his breath and made his way to the phone lying on the bed, "What?" He said through clenched teeth.

"Hello to you too." Wilson began, "You should have told me where you were going. Or better yet, hung around to find out your results before you left the country."

"Oh relax officer. I'm leaving tomorrow. I was only staying for the weekend."

"Oh…well in that case-" Wilson back peddled, rethinking telling House anything over the phone.

"Just tell me Wilson. I know you aren't calling to lecture me for not getting a permission slip signed to leave town."

House could practically hear Wilson thinking through the phone before he spoke, letting out a sigh before he began, "The tumor is very small, but it's back House. The treatment method you chose wasn't strong enough for this kind of growth. We have to do surgery. If we open you up, there is a strong possibility we can get it all this time."

House bowed his head, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers, he knew this was coming, but a small part of him thought maybe…he might actually get lucky this time. "I have time, I don't have to make any decisions now."

"What decision House? There are no alternatives anymore."

"I know. But like you said my tumor is very small, I need more time to process this. I will be back on Tuesday…but I'm taking the day off, be sure to inform Principal Wilson I will be back to school on Wednesday." House hung up on him before anything else could be said. He sat very still on the bed for awhile longer, working on pushing his fear aside and focus on why he came…his tumor could wait, winning Cuddy back could not.

He heard the shower shut off, and the door open a minute later. Light footsteps shuffled down the hall as she made her way back towards her bedroom, appearing before him in the doorway wearing nothing but a small blue towel wrapped around her.

"Are you trying to kill me?" House questioned as he stared at her bare thighs still glistening with water only a few feet from him.

"I forgot to bring a change of clothes. You are in my bedroom remember." She walked over to her closet, waiting to smile at the effect she made on him until her back was turned.

"Right my mistake. But now that I'm here…"

Cuddy spun around to him with fresh clothes in her hands. He was still sitting upon her bed, but she knew if she gave him the go ahead he would sweep her up in a matter of seconds. The urge to allow that to happen was overwhelming, but she didn't want to rush into anything, the failure of their last attempt at a relationship rang through her ears like a thunderstorm of warning, she could still hear the sound of his mania crashing through her dining room, "Is everything okay with Wilson?" She changed the subject.

"Yeah, we will kiss and make up when I get back."

"Which is when?" She asked, already knowing the answer, but House didn't know she overheard his conversation with Rachel the night before.

"My flight leaves tomorrow morning." He tried to read her reaction to his answer but he couldn't make out what she was thinking. "Is it okay if I stay here again tonight?"

"Yes." she responded quickly, causing House to smile. A part of her wanted him to stay forever, but a part of her was relieved he was leaving the next day. She needed more time to decide _what_ she wanted, and it was a lot easier to be clear headed when he was thousands of miles away…not sitting in her bedroom, staring at her with pure lust written all over his face.

"You should put those on." He gestured to the clothes she was clutching in her hand, "Don't want your fever to come back." House got up and walked over to her, he could tell she was getting flustered and he didn't want her to think that he only came to France because he wanted to sleep with her. Stopping in front of her, he reached up and put his hands on her bare arms, running his fingers slowly down her skin before he placed a soft kiss on top of her head, "I'm going to take a shower," he dropped his hands and limped over to grab his duffel bag still sitting by her chair. "And I'm taking my clothes with me to change in there." He pointed down the hall, "I don't want you to get any wild ideas if I were to walk out wearing nothing but a towel."

Cuddy smiled and shook her head at him as he left; releasing her breath she had been holding from his gentle touch. She still loved the sarcastic pain in her ass so unbelievably much, but she had to figure out if she truly could forgive him for all the pain he had caused her. Once the luster of being so near to him again wore off, could she still stay with him despite everything he had done, and could easily do again…

She heard the shower turn on as Rachel's bedroom door opened. Her daughter emerged slowly still wearing her pajamas from the day before; her hair was matted to her face like a rabid dog.

Cuddy threw on her sweater and went down the hall to her. "Hey Rach, how are you feeling?" She swept the hair out of her face and look down at her still ashen looking daughter.

"I'm hungry."

Cuddy smiled, "Good, so am I. How about some toast?"

Rachel nodded and made her way to the couch clutching 'Housie' and 'Lisa' to her chest as she sat down carefully. Cuddy could tell she was moving slower than normal, which was fitting to how Cuddy herself felt at the moment.

She made her way to the kitchen and fixed Rachel and her some mild food, knowing not to tempt fate with anything too potent for their weakened stomachs. Once fed, she went to the washing machine to finally dry the bedding for the two still naked beds she had in her home. When she opened it up she saw it empty, and was pleasantly surprised to find them fluffy and clean resting inside of the dryer. 'House must have done this,' she realized, totally in shock at his forethought. It was an action from him that she most certainly had never seen before, a simple unselfish gesture that immediately made her heart fill with happiness, he was trying…she needed to recognize that.

House emerged from the bathroom, fully clothed as promised, breaking her out of her thoughts, making his way to the kitchen and perched himself on a barstool in front of her, "What's for breakfast my dear?"

"Well technically it's lunch already, but I made some toast and jelly, you want a piece?" She held out a half eaten bite of toast from her plate.

House looked at the offer and smiled, "Only If you throw some bacon and eggs on it." He quipped getting up from his stool to raid the refrigerator personally.

Cuddy felt her stomach churn at the mention of any sort of meat, and closed her eyes against urge, "Please don't talk about food like that…my stomach can't take it."

"Still feeling queasy?" House closed the refrigerator and crossed over to her, briefly touching her forehead to check for fever.

Cuddy tried all she could not to tremble outwardly at his caring touch, "I wasn't till until about two seconds ago." She weakly offered.

"Sorry…I guess that means I have to scratch the four-course meal I had planned on cooking you tonight."

"You have never cooked me a four course meal."

"Well there is a first time for everything. I'm an excellent cook you know."

"I've heard talk of such rumors, but I never got the pleasure of seeing this talent of yours first hand."

"That's because I wouldn't be able to cook anything decent with you hovering beside me, distracting me with your body. All I'd want to do is throw you on the kitchen table and have my way with you. No good cooking could come of that….mind blowing sex yes, but not cooking." He smirked inching closer to her than he already was, purposely getting as close to her as he possibly could without touching.

Cuddy felt the heat off his body, as he invaded her space with a spark in his eyes that she loved so dearly, and had missed so much. She forced herself to ignore her desire, it was all too soon, "I do not hover." She replied, attempting to sound nonchalant. Trying with all her strength to not throw him down on her kitchen table right then and there.

"Yes you do."

Cuddy rolled her eyes and finally mustered the courage to back away from him, going to the refrigerator and pulling out bagels and cream cheese, "Here, I think this is all we have in the ways of breakfast food, I know you like bagels." She placed it down on the counter and went to bring Rachel some water. Blatant avoidance of the extreme sexual tension between them was all she could come up with in the moment.

House watched as she walked away from him, sighing at her reluctance to let herself be free with him again, knowing he still had a long road to haul before she could allow him completely back into her heart…if she ever would. He also knew that he would settle for nothing less, she had left him before, and he never wanted to experience that again. He needed to be certain this time that she truly wanted him in her life. It was the only way they could be together again, for both of their sakes.

"Can we go outside?" Rachel asked with new light in her eyes after consuming her breakfast, already getting up from the couch and walking to the front door before she had an answer from Cuddy.

"Wait a second, I haven't answered you yet." Cuddy sighed at the sheer exhaustion she was still feeling, hating how sick she felt while House was standing by her side. "Yes we can, but you need a bath and clean clothes first."

House saw Rachel let out a massive sigh and roll her eyes, staring her mother down with pure venom, forcing him to suppress a laugh at the standoff he was currently witness too. "_But Mom…I'm clean already," _she whined.

"But nothing. Get into the bathroom." Cuddy gave her winning 'I mean business' face that House was all too familiar with. "What are you smiling at?" She turned to House as she saw him smirking out of the corner of her eye.

"Nothing." He said with his hands up teasingly before he lowered them again, looking between their equally perturbed faces, "I missed you two." He said honestly, the words falling out of his mouth before he had time to censor himself.

"I miss you too!" Rachel exclaimed before Cuddy could form a competent response to House's confession…his loving thought. It was one thing to read it in a letter, but another to have him actually expressing himself so sincerely, standing just a few feet away.

"Can we take a stinky bath now Mommy, so we's can play outside." Rachel interrupted switching right back into her four year old whine mode.

Cuddy was staring at House with wide eyes, willing herself to speak. "I-," but Rachel cut her off, yanking on Cuddy's arm with amazing strength, forcing her to rip her stunned eyes away from House and look down at her whiny daughter. "Yes. Go pick out your clothes and bring them to the bathroom, I will meet you in there."

Rachel stomped down the hall to her room and loudly started rummaging her dresser for clean clothes, making it clear that she was still not happy about having to fulfill Cuddy's demand of her cleanliness.

"I go away for a few months and suddenly she's a deranged teenager." House spoke, trying to change the subject from his uncomfortable bout with honesty a minute before. He didn't want her to think she was obligated to return the gesture.

Cuddy locked back into House's eyes despite her daughter's current antics. "You know I missed you too, right?" She spoke just as honestly as he had, it was the absolute truth. Despite all the anger and hurt, she felt his absence with every fiber of her soul.

"I thought maybe you did. " He said carefully, but House inwardly was screaming, 'Yes!' He felt so incredibly relieved to hear her actually say it. "My manhood _is _irresistible." He responded with slight sarcasm to get her to smile.

"Of course. " She shyly smiled.

House wanted nothing more than to kiss her in that moment. Her smile was faint but it was her eyes that lured him into her, he took a step forward, closing the distance…

"_Mommy_!" Rachel bellowed from the bathroom, breaking them both apart once more. Their attempts at honest communication being constantly interrupted before anything of true importance could be spoken were starting to drive Cuddy insane.

"I think Linda Blair wants you in the bathroom."

Cuddy sighed, "Once I get her dressed, she can play outside and…maybe we can finally talk."

House nodded, "Yeah."

Cuddy nodded back to him, mirroring his movement; confirming she wanted to figure things out as much as he did. Then, she turned and walked away.

* * *

><p>House stayed rooted to his spot in the kitchen and forced himself to choke down the bagel she had laid on the counter. His appetite diminishing rapidly as he thought about what he was going to say to her when they sat down for their 'talk.' Open communication was never his strong personality feature, and ultimately something that always got him into trouble…he knew he would say the wrong thing eventually.<p>

The letters he wrote her over the last few months were moments of reflection and love captured on paper for her to read. It was the first time he had ever really expressed that much of himself to _anyone_, and it was a terrifying gaping hole he was scared to discuss face to face.

House put the cream cheese back into the refrigerator and made his way outside, sitting down on the porch where he had first laid eyes on Cuddy the day before. He pulled the ibuprofen from his pocket and downed three, his leg was pulsating beneath his touch, gradually becoming more excruciating with each passing moment. House knew it was mostly mental, his leg pain and fears where interlocked like a sadistic joke, constantly reminding him with pain that he actually had feelings.

He tried to shake the fear out of his system, he felt stupid having fears at all. This was Cuddy, and he wanted her back…that was all that mattered, and he wouldn't rest until she was back in his arms. He knew the minute he made the decision to fly to her he would have to be honest, it was the only way to get her back, but openly discussing any amount of truth was out of his element, something he avoided like the plague his whole life, and it was going to be especially difficult without the aid of alcohol or prescription drugs…especially difficult while looking into her beautiful face and seeing the pain he put there.

House heard noises from inside as Rachel slammed open the screen door and walked passed him, clean and ready to play. An armful of stuffed animals and her little head was all he could see as she made her way to sit underneath the tree at the edge of the grass.

The door opened again a couple minutes later and Cuddy came out slowly and made her way to sit next to him on the porch, facing him but keeping some space between them. They looked at each other but no one spoke, neither one of them having any idea where to start.

House tapped his cane against the stairs absentmindedly, and then put it down beside him when he realized his nervous action. "So…, " He cleared his throat, "You didn't drown the little runt in the bathtub, that's good." House looked towards Rachel, watching her line up her dolls in order to bark commands at them.

Cuddy looked to her daughter too, "Yeah, I managed to keep that urge at bay. I still have the power to scare her into compliance occasionally, without resorting to nefarious impulses."

House took a breath, it was now or never, "Nefarious impulses can be dangerous." He spoke quietly.

Cuddy looked back to him then, and saw his serious eyes staring deeply back at her. This was his way of bringing up his irrevocable actions, the impulse that led them to this very moment. "Yes they can."

"Only an idiot bends to impulses that would harm other people."

Cuddy felt a shiver through her body and wrapped her sweater tighter around her, "You're right, only an absolute idiot would do that." She didn't know what else to say, forgiveness for something as big as he accomplished was not easy to give.

"I know an idiot that wishes he had never allowed his anger to hurt the woman he loved, wishes every second of the day that he could take back his mistake."

Cuddy looked away from him before she quietly spoke, "Maybe there are some mistakes that can never be fixed." She felt her throat constrict just speaking her fears out loud.

House took in her words and let it wash over him, searching her eyes for the meaning behind her words; if it was truth or fiction. He could see her pain, but…he always knew when she was lying. "I don't believe that."

Cuddy looked down at her lap, his eyes were studying her and she couldn't stand the scrutiny. "House…what you did-"

"-was an unforgivable nefarious impulse." House finished her thought. Willing her to look back to his eyes to see he meant what he said, that he understood it _was_ unforgivable.

He saw Cuddy wipe the corner of her eye before she lifted her face to his once more. "Yes."

"I know." House shifted his body to face her completely; he needed her to believe him. "Look I understand what I did that day was insane. I was out of my head, I had taken more pills than I care to admit…numbing myself. I had been trying to do that since the moment you left me, and when I saw you with…" he sighed, "You were right, unhappy people do reckless things."

Cuddy drew in a shaky breath as he spoke the same words back to her, the words she threw at him after she discovered his self-destructive surgery in the bathroom. She saw his anguish and utter remorse blaring at her, but she couldn't forget what he had done either. "What you did that day…was beyond anything I thought you were capable of. You destroyed my home like a homicidal sixteen year old…you destroyed me. All I could think was, how could I have foolishly been in love with a man that could do something so incredibly damaging...and then walk away."

"I don't know…" House rubbed his face; his whole body ached with regret. He knew his brain tumor played a part with his poor reaction, along with the drugs, he didn't even remember the crash anymore, it was fragmented in his mind like a book that was missing pages…but he couldn't tell her that; couldn't risk the possibility that she would only come back to him from guilt or misguided compassion.

Cuddy watched him stare off at Rachel lost in thought from the gravity of their conversation. She studied his profile, trying to discern what he was thinking, but she got nothing. The sun was creating a soft glow on his skin, she could make out the lines etched deep in his face, and she took in the way his shoulders were slumped over in defeat. He looked older and skinnier than he had been in a long time, and he seemed lost, in a way that she had never seen from him before. Something had changed in him, 'or maybe I'm the one who changed,' she thought. Whatever the case, they both needed to move on, either together or apart forever.

"House…" she whispered. "I know in my heart that you would do anything to take back what you did that day. I can see it in your face, just as I heard it in your letters. There is no excuse for what you did, pills, alcohol, jealousy…but I would be a fool to deny how much I hurt you too. I know that I broke your heart just as much as you broke mine that day."

"I'm sorry." House spoke, his voice choking with emotion.

Cuddy saw the tears forming in his eyes, the same tears that were in hers. She wanted to reach out to him, take away his sorrow; forgive him. "I'm sorry I left."

"You had every right to leave the country, I'm-"

"No…" Cuddy allowed her tears to fall, not trying to hide her pain anymore, "I'm sorry I ended it…I was scared. I was a lot of things…"

"I'm an insane choice." House spoke quietly more to himself than to her. Remembering the moment he spoke those words to her before, standing in his doorway, the same place she had left him standing almost a year later.

"I ran away." She admitted softly.

"I lived up to your fears." He replied, rubbing his thigh to distract from the lump in his throat. "I assume you already know this, but I haven't taken a vicodin in six months."

"I know…I knew it the moment I got your first letter." Cuddy toyed with the necklace around her neck, a token he sent with a letter months before, a reminder of his beautifully powerful confessions.

"You got a letter from me?" House looked at her with a small smile, trying to lessen the dark cloud that had settled between them over the last few minutes.

She stopped playing with the necklace and turned to him once more. "Actually now that I think about it, I believe the return address was from Wilson. He misses me terribly you know." Cuddy wiped the rest of the tears off her face, trying to play along.

"Of course he does…you left him to supervise a neurotic lunatic."

Cuddy nodded in agreement, "It's a bit odd though, the envelope said Wilson but I believe the letters inside remarkably resembled your handwriting. You wouldn't have been trying to trick me into reading them…would you?"

House furrowed his brow, plastering a flabbergasted look on his face "Well that certainly doesn't sound like me. Honestly, I thought we've been friends for thirty years. It's like you don't even know me at all."

Cuddy laughed at his entirely fake expression. "We have not known each other for thirty years. Despite years of you mocking my age, I am only forty-three."

"Ah, my mistake…Math has never been a strong skill of mine."

"Yes, I did forget how low you I.Q. was." Cuddy smirked.

"I am an idiot remember." House quietly spoke.

"I do remember that." Cuddy could see the tears in his eyes all over again, and it took all of her not to grab onto him and ask him what was really going on. She knew there was something he wasn't telling her. House was different, his emotions seemed all over the place and he was censoring himself way less than he had with her in the past.

Cuddy had the instant urge to reach out to him, but she still felt scared to. Then she saw Rachel start to make her way towards the porch and she stopped worrying about the unknown and tried to once again just be in the moment, let everything else go.

"House will you's play with me?" Rachel smiled sweetly thrusting her unicorn doll in his lap, without waiting for confirmation.

"Okay, but it will cost you five dollars. Pay up kid." House reached his hand towards her, palm turned upward for payment.

Rachel giggled, "You are so silly." She said, putting her hand on her hip. "Mommy, you's be Lisa okay?" Rachel placed her purple dog in Cuddy's hands and began to set up her other dolls facing House and Cuddy on the porch, like an audience.

Once she was done she climbed up the steps and stood behind them, Cuddy knew what was going to happen next; 'Housie' and 'Lisa' were going to be married. It was her daughter's favorite game.

House turned to Rachel dangling the unicorn by its hoof, "I'm adding this to your tab, you still owe me fifty from all the times you coerced me into coloring with you."

Rachel laughed some more not taking House seriously at all, and reached down to re-arrange the dolls in their hands, having the dolls closely face each other. "Okay, everyone be quiet." She turned to 'Housie' held begrudgingly by House. "Housie do you want to get married?"

Rachel paused and looked impatiently at House. "House, you are posed to say I do's," she said in a stage whisper.

House looked at the doll then back to Rachel, "Wait a minute, how do I know this 'Housie' horse wants to marry that purple dog?"

Rachel sighed, "_Cause, _everyone knows 'Lisa' is the prettiest doll in the world."

"So everyone wants to marry her?"

"Yes."

"Alright then…what do you want me to say again?"

"I do's." Rachel sighed deeply again, her exasperation was growing stronger by the minute, causing Cuddy to laugh at the quirkiness of the two most important people in her life.

"Okay," House turned inching the doll closer to Cuddy's, intentionally bringing his leg into hers so their knees were touching, immediately causing them both to lock eyes as House replied, "I do's."

"Okay, Lisa do you want to get married too?" Rachel smiled.

Cuddy stayed locked with House as she responded, "I do's."

Rachel squealed with delight, swiftly reaching her hands down and grabbing the dolls by the heads, "Now you kiss!" she exclaimed smashing their heads together like a linebacker. Then she grabbed them out of House and Cuddy's hands and took off with them in her arms skipping down the lawn singing, '_Housie and Lisa are married_,' over and over again.

Cuddy smiled at House, their legs were still touching. She shivered as she felt the wind pick up around them. "We should go inside, I still feel pretty sick actually. " Cuddy admitted.

House nodded, standing up carefully before he turned and offered her his hand. She reached out to it, placing her palm in his as she slowly stood up. He steadied her with his hands, softly grabbing her arm.

"Thank you." Cuddy looked up as she spoke, their faces were dangerously close.

House kept his hand holding onto hers, refusing to break contact. Pushing his fears aside and reaching up to her face with his other hand, gently brushing a strand of hair off her cheek, tucking it behind her ear. He saw her eyes close when he began to toy with the earring at the top of her ear that he found so amazingly sexy, "I would kiss you, but I don't think you're up to that just yet." He whispered.

Cuddy shivered outwardly, his touch and the wind blowing through her body. "You might be right." Her teeth chattering as she spoke…hating her sickly body at the moment because she so badly wanted him to kiss her, but a part of her knew it was too soon.

House could tell she needed to go inside. Still fighting the overwhelming urge to kiss her, he took off his jacket and placed it around her shoulders instead. "Go, inside. I will round up the Reverend." He bent down and kissed her cheek before he begrudgingly let her go.

"Okay," she agreed, knowing she needed to sit down immediately before her legs gave out.

Cuddy wrapped House's jacket around her tighter, slowly turning away from his gaze and crossed towards the door…she could still hear Rachel softly hum '_Housie and Lisa are getting married,' _as she went inside.


	16. Chapter 15

**This Chapter was a lot of work but I think I managed to get it just right :)**

**Please let me know, Reviews rock, and remind me to keep writing!**

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><p>Cuddy slowly made her way inside and walked towards the bathroom, leaving House to gather up Rachel from outside. Her body felt incredibly weak and she was lightheaded from the conversation she just had, her mind whirled with conflicting emotions. Shutting the door behind her and not bothering to turn on the light, she sat down on the bathroom floor, the queasiness creeping back in as she closed her eyes and tried to allow the nauseas wave to pass.<p>

Deep down inside she realized that the sick feeling in her stomach was mostly nervous butterflies, strangling her more and more every time he touched her. The reason she chose the bathroom and not the sofa, where she originally was headed, was to hide from him, tuck herself away like a coward, hoping that taking some time away would bring her back around to remembering that she was a rational, careful woman, and this was still House. A man that was fully capable of turning his emotion and tenderness around at the drop of the hat, whenever it was convenient for him…damn anyone else.

She knew if she didn't take a time out from his emotion, from his unbelievably tender caresses, she wouldn't be able to stop her impulses for much longer. His urgency to be with her again was overwhelming and if she wasn't careful it would swallow her up, make it impossible for her to process everything that had happened over the last couple days, and she would jump into his arms prematurely, then inevitably run away from him all over again.

Cuddy carefully opened her eyes as she heard House and Rachel finally making their way into the family room, their muffled voices filtered under the door in the bathroom so that she could hear their conversation.

"Okay, I'm inside. Time for you to sing, like you's said." Cuddy could hear Rachel loudly request, knowing full well that House probably had a hard time getting Rachel to come inside, a thought that made her smile. 'It's good for him to finally be the one to parent,' she thought, he was always hesitant to step up in that way before.

"I only agreed to that so you would come inside." House responded.

"But you pinky swore, you's would sing for the wedding party."

"I did?"

"Uh-huh…"

"That doesn't sound like me."

"Well you did, and everyone knows-um you's cant take back a pinky swore." Cuddy could practically hear Rachel put her hands on her hips through the tone she was using with House, and she laughed just picturing both of them, equally stubborn creatures, battling it out in the family room.

"Alright fine, but next time no pinky swearing. Had I known it was unbreakable I wouldn't have committed." Cuddy heard him clear his throat, "Any requests?"

"Uh, the wheels on the bus!" Rachel squealed.

"What, wheels on the…is that a real song? How about the Stones?"

"_The what_?"

"The Rolling…never mind. The Beatles…you have to at least know the Beatles."

"I don't know." Rachel responded, causing Cuddy to cringe. She knew she would hear about this later from House.

"My God. Fine. I will sing one of _your _songs, but remind me to have a serious conversation with your mother about your musical education." She smiled once again; she knew he would say that. Making the decision to stop hiding away from him, she gingerly pulled herself off the bathroom floor, threw some cold water on her face and looked in the mirror. Trying to reassemble her hair the best she could before she went out to the family room.

"Sing!" Rachel demanded.

"I don't know that bus one you're talking about. How about that teapot song, I think I remember the melody…but I'm not doing the lame hand gestures."

"Okay…wait I need to make sure 'Housie' and 'Lisa' are sitting with me in the aws-dee-ins."

Cuddy heard Rachel speak that last word slowly trying to say it correctly. She opened the bathroom door and made her way out to her two maniacs in the family room, not wanting to miss the show House was about to grace her daughter with, it was an unprecedented moment too good to pass up, no matter how sick or apprehensive she felt.

"Mommy!" Rachel bounced on the couch as she saw Cuddy approach. "House is-is gonna sing. Sit down!"

Cuddy smiled over at House as she sat down on the couch, facing him with a look of innocence on her face as she saw how perturbed his expression was because of the impromptu concert he was being forced into by a four year old.

"Just to be clear, this is a one-time only thing." House directed this at Rachel, who Cuddy noticed was beaming from her spot on the couch from sheer anticipation. Then he turned to Cuddy, "And if you don't cut out that knowing smile of yours, Dr. Cuddy, you will be asked to leave the venue until I have finished my song." Cuddy quickly closed her mouth and sucked in her bottom lip, trying with all her might to accomplish his request.

House studied her for a minute longer making sure she would keep it together, before he cleared his throat dramatically and began his song…

"_I'm a runty teapot, short and loud. _

_ I have a handle, and a little spout._

_ If you try to pour me out, I will shout…_

_ Don't drink my tea, and please get out."_

House finished up his rendition of the teapot song and bowed to his audience, as Rachel stood up on the couch clapping and shouting, "Yay!"

Cuddy clapped too, the smile on her lips was in full swing. He was done now so there was no chance of her getting kicked out before she could witness his 'amazing' performance. "That was beautiful." She said as her laughter got the best of her.

"Oh shut-up." he replied as he watched Cuddy and Rachel doubled over in fits of laughter.

"House do it again!" Rachel shouted.

"One time only." House limped over to his mocking audience and sat next to Cuddy as she settled down from laughing at him. "This is all your fault you know."

"Mine?" She questioned.

"Yes, you raised that obstinate junior Cuddy. " He pointed to Rachel who was still giggling from her place on the couch. "The only way I could get her to come inside was through a bribe, and she got to pick the terms…sound familiar?"

"A bit…but you must have a soft spot for her. That kind of manipulation rarely worked on you when I tried it."

"It all depended on how low cut your top was that day."

"Well why do you think I wore those?"

"To torture me."

"Yes, _and_ to get you to bend to my will on occasion…which was almost never, because ultimately you found a way around my requests with your mischievous tricks."

"That may be true, but your breasts did get me to fulfill my clinic duty sometimes, and that's saying a lot." House leaned his head on the back of the couch and smiled.

"Well at least there's that." She returned his smile, "Has Wilson managed to manipulate you with his man chest to get you to do clinic hours in my absence?"

House shook his head, "We have an agreement, he lets me out of clinic duty, and in return I stay out his relationship with Nurse whats-her-face over at Princeton General."

"Wilson has a girlfriend?"

"Yep…and he already foolishly thinks he is in love with her, so you know how much I can use _that_ to my advantage."

"I have been gone a long time."

House sighed, "Yes you have."

"What's for dinner Mommy?" Rachel asked as she climbed across the couch to sit on Cuddy's lap.

Cuddy winced as Rachel pushed into her stomach, "Ouch, Rachel be careful." Cuddy took a breath as the queasiness threatened her again. House noticed her expression and got up to get her antibiotics and some water.

"I don't know what we have Rach, I was supposed to grocery shop yesterday, but then we got sick remember." Cuddy answered as she heard House start to rummage in her cabinets for food items, shifting herself on the couch so she could see him as he began pulling out a variety of random cans and vegetables.

"How about soup? You have the ingredients for a decent vegetable soup, it's no four course meal, but it would be mild enough for you both to eat." House finished pulling out food and brought a glass of water and pills for Cuddy to swallow. "Here."

Cuddy took the offered pills and water and swallowed them as told, handing her glass back to House. His absolute attentiveness was still a shock to her system and she didn't know what to do with it all. "Uh…that sounds good. Thank you."

She couldn't take it anymore. Cuddy moved Rachel carefully off her lap and switched on cartoons. Turning the volume up a bit and making her way to the kitchen. House was pouring broth into a big pot as she pulled a stool out and sat next to him by the stove, "House." She brought her hand up to his arm, but then retreated, thinking it was best to give him some space if she was going to pry into something he obviously was intent on keeping from her.

House turned to the sound of her voice and met her questioning gaze. She looked uneasy, and it made him nervous. "Did you say my name for fun, or was there more to that sentence?" He anxiously spoke, questioning her silence.

"I'm sorry, I just…" she steeled herself, "What is really going on? Something is weighing on you, I can feel it. You're different—"

House put an empty can down and turned fully to her, "Why, because I'm being nice?"

"No…yes, but I do know your capable of being kind…there were always moments I felt that from you even when we weren't together, but…not like this. You're keeping something from me." She saw House look down, "The only times you allowed me to see your vulnerability were on those rare moments when you were truly calm, when you felt content…and when you're defenses were down…in times of sadness. And I know neither one of us are at peace with any of this right now, so that leaves—"

"You forgot about the third option, the one where I'm feebly trying to woo back my ex-girlfriend." House deflected, it was partially true anyway…the other being that her suspicions were right.

"What else are you sad about? This isn't just about us." Cuddy implored with her eyes looking up to him.

He stared back at her, knowing he would have to lie, "I don't know what you want me to say, there is nothing else."

"House, please...I know you-"

"Maybe you don't." House cut in, "We've been apart for months, been broken up for almost a year."

"I know."

"Well I've had time to think, re-evaluate my choices…maybe you can give me the benefit of the doubt here, and trust that this is not an act, not a trick…it's just me." House spoke the last thought quietly, leaning against the counter for support.

She searched his eyes, "I want to believe that."

He let out a deep breath, "Than believe it Scully." He turned away, picking up a carrot to chop, and to escape her beseeching eyes, "I thought you claimed earlier you didn't _hover…_ I'm trying to cook here." House said, attempting to stop their prior conversation before it went any further.

"I did say that." She knew he was deflecting, but she played along, too tired to pry any further. He was done talking. She got up from her stool and left him in peace…

* * *

><p>Cuddy fell asleep on the couch to the sounds of House shuffling around the kitchen and Rachel's French cartoons sounding from the television in front of her. The next thing she knew, she was being roused from sleep by a hand gently squeezing her arm.<p>

"Good Morning Sunshine."

She shifted and opened her eyes to find House looking down into her face. "Hey." She sat up, stretching her arms and noticing she was actually feeling better after her nap. "How long was I asleep?"

"Well Hilary finally became president…" He smiled at her. "About an hour, soups ready."

"Smells amazing, " she replied, getting up and following him to the kitchen table where Rachel was already sitting eating a piece of bread and small bowl of soup. House put a steaming bowl of soup down in front of her and sat down as well.

"Are those peas?" Rachel asked from the table staring into her bowl.

"Of course not." House answered.

"They looks like peas."

"You need your eyes checked I suspect. These be pirates doubloons, eat them quick mistress crazy or the baddies will be sailin' upon us to snatch them from our fingers."

Rachel stared at him, completely unconvinced and un-amused at his gruff pirate impersonation, "Those is peas." She put her spoon down.

"Just eat around them. They won't kill you…only the purple ones will. You find a purple pea in your soup you let me know."

"_What?" _Rachel stared at her soup in panic.

Cuddy suppressed a smile at her daughter's dramatic expression, "He's teasing you Rachel. Just eat your soup. You've had peas before, dip your bread in your bowl, I know you like doing that."

"Okay." Rachel stared at her bowl for a minute longer before she picked up a bite of bread and began doing what she was told.

They ate together in comfortable silence for a while. Darkness began to surround them as night settled in. The only light on in the house was a small one in the family room. Cuddy took the scene in around her, allowed herself to enjoy it, revel in the feeling of House by her side one again.

"Mommy can I be done." Rachel broke the silence.

"Sure, you ate pretty good, but it's time to get ready for bed."

"_Mom…" _

"Stop." Cuddy raised her hand to her, "You have done enough whining for one day. You are still sick young lady. You need sleep."

"But-but is House going to stay?"

House looked down to her as she padded herself over to his side, and looked up at him with wide eyes. "Uh…I have to leave in the morning remember, probably before you wake up." House didn't know what else to say, glancing up to Cuddy for help.

"You will see him again sweetie, okay. I promise." Cuddy gently reassured Rachel…and herself, as she stood from her chair and crossed towards her, feeling the incredible sadness from his upcoming departure just as her daughter did.

House saw Rachel's eyes well as she reached her arms up to him and gave him a hug. He wrapped his arms around her and felt the ache creep inside as he said his goodbyes to her. "I will see you soon."

"You's promise?"

He slowly released her and stuck out his hand. "Pinky swear. I hear you can't go back on those."

Rachel smiled up at him, her tears vanishing as she locked her pinky with his.

"Okay, let's get to bed." Cuddy spoke gently, putting her hand on Rachel's back and guiding her towards the hall, stopping briefly to turn back to House. "I will be back soon."

* * *

><p>Cuddy tucked Rachel into bed and turned off her light, softly closing the door behind her as she stood alone in the darkness of the hallway. She felt frozen to her spot. House was waiting for her in the family room, a thought that suddenly made her unbelievably nervous. They were alone…it was his last night, her heart and rational mind had been at war with each other since the moment she saw him standing in front of her. How could she continue to be strong when all she wanted to do was to give into her desires…his desires. Ignore everything else and allow her heart to win just this once.<p>

She felt her body begin to shake as the nerves settled in, hastily making a decision to retreat to the bathroom once more. Hide away from him until her breathing was under control; inwardly hating herself for her cowardice. She didn't even bother to turn on the lights as she stole a moment away from him to try to assemble her thoughts, sift through her emotions and what she truly wanted. Staring at herself in the mirror, she searched her image for an answer, some sign hidden in her reflection that could help…

A small knock rapped against the door, breaking her from her thoughts, her fears, and she knew he was there to do just that. She impulsively fixed her hair in the mirror again and took another breath before she made her way to unlatch the door.

"You're hiding from me." He stated. It was not a question. He saw her anxiousness as he leaned against the doorway, blocking her from escaping him further.

Cuddy sighed, "Yes."

"Why?"

She didn't want to answer him, "Will you at least let me out of the bathroom before I have to explain myself."

"No." He made no attempt to move.

"What do you want me to say? I assume you already know why I'm hiding, you always seem to have me figured out."

"Well my assumptions usually get me into trouble…I'm trying to change old habits remember."

"I know…it's just… this change? I don't know what to think about all of this. You're being so…" she faltered.

"I'm still me. " House stepped further into the bathroom towards her. "In fact to prove it, I must confess that I have mentally undressed you about a hundred times since I got here…I'm doing it right now actually."

"House…" she crossed her arms against her body, protecting herself from him coming any closer. House saw her retreat and stopped just a foot away from her. She looked up at him, "People don't change…isn't that _your_ entire belief system?"

"Yes." House said quietly, "It used to be…"

"What does that mean?"

"It means that sometimes things happen…catalysts that push us into different directions than we were before, forcing perspectives to change."

"That catalyst being us…or something else?"

House bowed his head, "Why do you always have to push?" He looked back up before instinctually reaching out and grabbing onto her arms, as the frustration and powerful emotions overtook his body. "It was losing you."

Cuddy stared at him, her tears falling silently down her face, taking in his words, trying to believe him. "Well that's just it…we lost each other. What's stopping us from doing it all over again…from losing?"

House shook his head, "I don't know. " He knew he didn't have the answer to that, there was never going to be an answer, but he couldn't bring himself to let her go, he continued to hold her arms tightly and brought her even closer to him, despite everything…

"I don't either, " she admitted in a whisper, their faces only inches apart. "And that's why I'm hiding from you."

He felt her breath flutter against his skin as he tentatively reached up his hand and wiped a tear off her cheek, "Well…I found you." He slowly leaned his face to hers, closing the distance, his hand still caressing her cheek as their lips came together in a delicate kiss, before he stopped to look at her once more, checking to see if she would pull away. They stared at one another, but neither of them spoke, too scared to say anything that could break the spell between them.

Cuddy thought her heart would explode from the affect his lips had on her…and in that instant all she wanted was him, everything else could wait, there was only right now... She reached up swiftly and put her hands on either side of his face, pulling him back down to her as she found his lips once more, deepening their kiss, holding his face fiercely to hers, until she could no longer breathe.

House brought his hands up and weaved them in her hair. His body trembled as the taste of her lips washed over him. He felt her hands begin to unbutton the front of his shirt, as she pulled him with her out of the bathroom, their bodies molded together as they fumbled down the darkness of the hallway. Cuddy blindly reached for the bedroom door, managing to shut it behind them and lock it without breaking contact with him. Shrouding the room in total night except for a sliver of moonlight filtering through the bedroom window.

House pressed her up against the door and began slowly kissing her neck, he could feel her hand run down the length of his spine as he brought his lips across her jaw, moving her hair and brushing his mouth against her ear. Her hands trembled as she grabbed the collar of his shirt and removed it the rest of the way.

He immediately returned the gesture and grabbed the hem of her sweater as she lifted her arms, allowing him to pull it over her head and let it fall to the floor. Their eyes re-connected then, reassuring each other that there were no hesitations. House couldn't help but look at her, memorize the way her wonderfully flushed lips parted as she caught her breath, her bare skin glowing in the moonlight…she was perfect.

He saw a faint smile cross her face and he knew he had been staring for longer than he realized. "You okay?" she whispered.

House took a breath, "Yes…you?" She nodded without thinking twice, and he immediately grasped her close against his body once more, their skin melting together as he kissed her, pulling them both across the room to the bed.

She pulled him down tenderly on top of her, as they continued to explore each other's bodies. The rest of their clothes were discarded without any second guessing, as House reached for her hand, winding his fingers with hers, clasping her hand against the mattress as he felt her moan his name, their mouths never leaving each other as they finally came together after so many painful months apart.

* * *

><p>The moonlight faded as they lay wrapped in each other's arms over the next hour. No words had been spoken between them, but Cuddy could feel House lightly run his fingers over her bare skin, causing her to smile in the darkness. No matter what insane antics and behavior House outwardly displayed, he was also the gentlest man she had ever known. She loved this side of him, and he was gracing her with nothing but his softer side since the moment he came to France…it was an amazing feeling, but one that always had an end in the past.<p>

She shifted in his arms and leaned her chin against his chest, trying to read his face in the shadows.

"Hey," He whispered, moving a fallen strand of hair out of her face.

"Hey."

"I thought you might be falling asleep, I know you still aren't feeling well."

"I'm feeling better actually…besides…you're leaving soon. I can't sleep…"

"Well…" House glanced over to the clock, "It's only ten, I don't have to leave for another six hours or so…whatever could we do to pass the time?"

Cuddy smiled at the thought and inched her way up his body till her hands were splayed on either side of him head, their unclothed bodies pressed together as she trapped his lips with hers. House rolled them both so that he was on top of her, as he pulled away and smiled, "I was referring to us playing a game of cards or something…but this works too."

Cuddy laughed, "Shut-up House," she pulled his lips down to hers once more, savoring the time they had left…pushing everything else aside…

* * *

><p>Both of them fell back against the mattress as they attempted to get their breathing under control. House found Cuddy's hand and intertwined his fingers with hers, wanting nothing more than to remain connected to her until he had to say goodbye. He felt her squeeze his hand and he smiled, closing his eyes and reveling in the last couple hours of mind-blowing passion that he actually got to experience in real life and not just through his dreams. "That was definitely better than playing cards."<p>

"I would have to agree." She yawned, her eyes closing against her wishes.

"You should try to sleep…come here." He pulled her by the hand, adjusting his arm so she could lay her head upon his chest.

She obliged him and placed her palm against his stomach, as he wrapped his arms protectively around her, leaning his face so he could rest his cheek against the top of her head, the smell of her hair and the feel of her body wonderfully enflamed his senses as he felt her relax against him.

"House?" Cuddy spoke softly against his chest, her fingers tracing delicate circles on his stomach.

"Yeah?"

"I'm happy you came."

"I came a few times actually." He teased. He could feel Cuddy roll her eyes as he squeezed her tighter against him, "You did too if memory serves…"

Cuddy laughed against him, "Your memory is correct."

House kissed the top of her head. "I'm happy you're happy…" he spoke honestly into her hair.

She closed her eyes once more, the powerful sound of House's heart and his amazing warmth lulling her to sleep.

* * *

><p>House tried to sleep but his mind was turning, and the feel of her nakedly wrapped up securely along his body was too incredible to sleep through. He wanted to remember every moment.<p>

Cuddy had been sleeping against him for hours as he slowly watched the clock hastened toward his departure, waiting to wake her… as much as he selfishly wanted to. Instead he remained, awake through the silence. Trying the best he could to process, remember the things that had been spoken between them, how it felt to kiss her again…taste her skin, how it felt to have her kiss him back. He thought about his tumor, he tried to push it away, but it was always there and he hated even allowing it to take him away from the feeling of her, still curled up by his side.

He studied her while she slept. Her hand was gently resting over his heart, and he could feel her slow breaths against his chest. House knew that she still would need more time, despite the last few hours, she wasn't ready for him yet, and it was a realization that terrified him, but did not surprise him. He hadn't truly deluded himself that he could have everything he wanted with her again after just one weekend together, as much as he wished otherwise. That was one of the reasons he planned on leaving after only two days, he didn't want to push and he also didn't think he could make it much longer without blurting out his illness, using it to further their relationship like he would have so quickly done in the past.

He felt her stir against him and looked at the clock, finding that he didn't even have an hour left before he had to leave her side. House ran his fingers down her back, waking her further as he felt her lift her head off his chest so she could face him.

"You have to leave soon." She whispered.

"Yeah." He whispered back.

She moved to sit up in the dusk of the bedroom, bringing up the sheet to cover her body as she faced him. House flinched at her modesty, her retreat from him that he had predicted would come.

"I guess one more time before I go is out of the question." He softly teased, gesturing to her covers as he sat up in bed to face her too.

"I'm sorry…" he saw her nervously bite her lip after she spoke.

"Don't, please…its okay."

"House…if we're going to actually do this…try again...we have to be ready for each other. I need more time, to deal...to process everything that we have done to each other, to forgive…" She hesitated before she grabbed onto his hand that was resting in between them, "I don't ever want to push you away again."

"I understand."

"You do?"

"You sound surprised…you think I want to lose you again?" He unclasped her hand from his, looking down as he spoke. "I can wait."

Cuddy wanted to reach back out and touch him, but she sought his eyes instead, willing him not to disconnect from her just yet. "I'm gonna miss you."

House brought his eyes to hers, "Me too," he spoke, trying to hide his intense sadness as they stared at one another. It proved to be too much to hide, so he broke away, carefully shifting his leg to get up from bed.

Slipping on his pants, he found his shirt lying by the bedroom door, and he limped over to pick it up. He went to put it on, but had a better thought and walked back over to her, opening it up and gently placing it around her bare shoulders as she remained in bed, "It looks much hotter on you." he stated quietly as he walked away to get another shirt from his duffel bag. He could hear her slip it the rest of the way on behind him as he finished getting dressed to leave.

Cuddy got up from the bed after she buttoned his intoxicating shirt around her body, slipping on some yoga pants and slippers, before reaching for the phone on her nightstand to call a cab. She made the call quick as she saw House unlock the door and head down the hallway to the bathroom. The reality of him just leaving her alone in the bedroom was enough to make her whole body ache with loss.

She set the phone down and made her way out to the family room, choosing to sit on the couch alone in the eerie quiet and darkness, trying to not burst into tears as she waited to say goodbye. After a few minutes she heard him unlock the bathroom and go back to the bedroom to retrieve his bag, her heartbeat began to quicken when she heard his footsteps finally coming towards her.

House could see her stand up from the couch as he approached her side, swinging his bag over his shoulder and looking through the shadows for his cane. Cuddy realized what he was looking for and reached down to the coffee table where she knew it was resting, bringing it up between them, as the headlights from the cab made its way down the long driveway.

They both turned towards the distant light and then back to each other. House reached out for his cane trapping her hands in his one last time. "I will make sure Wilson keeps in touch…with those letters of his you liked so much."

"I would love that." Cuddy smiled, feeling Houses fingers caress her own as they still held the cane between them. She brought herself up on her toes and leaned into him, placing a kiss upon his lips, lingering there, savoring him one last time before she had to finally let go.

House took the cane from her, slowly letting go of her hands and her lips. The heaviness of the goodbye was too much for him…and he could see it was too much for her as well, "Goodbye."

Her throat hitched as the tears began to spill once more, "Goodbye House."

And that was it, he turned and walked away…down the porch steps, away from her, without looking back.

Cuddy remained frozen in the stillness as she watched the headlights disappear. She wiped her face and caught her breath before she even braved to move, trying to calm the quiver in her legs as she started to make her way back down the hall.

Dawn was almost approaching, so she hastily shut the curtains in her bedroom against the threatening light, wiping her tears once more before she crossed to the bed and sat down on the side he had been laying on a mere minutes before.

It was then she saw the small package on her nightstand resting next to the clock. She hadn't noticed it before, so she knew he must have placed it there when he went to get his bag, and she smiled through her tears as she reached out for it.

She placed it upon her lap and opened the box, finding two things inside. Cuddy frowned as she realized how dark it was, so she switched on the small light by her bed and grabbed out an unwrapped item. It was a glass pirate ship, a night light with a post-it note stuck to it reading,

'_**For the small one**_.'

Cuddy ran her fingers over the smooth glass and smiled as she pictured the excitement his gift would elicit from her daughter. Placing it on her nightstand she reached for a small velvet pouch with a note sticking out of the closed tie. Unfolding the paper and leaning towards the light she began to read his words…

_**I'm writing this from the plane …on my way to you, having absolutely no idea how this weekend has gone between us. As much as I would like to convince myself that I have some semblance of control over what the future holds, I am not narcissistic enough to truly believe I have that power…at least not like I used to be. I know that the opposite is true. **_

_**The future has yet to be written. Either our story ends here or it will manage to survive, and our immense tale will continue on. The one thing I do know is, what I want in mine, without any hesitations, I want you. **_

_**If I do not manage to make this clear to you before we part again, I am making it clear now…**_

_**Whether the same can be said for you, I do not know. Can we fix this, grow old together and drive each other to the brink of madness for whatever years we have left…**_

_**No matter what happens, no matter if we fight, or you ask me to leave as soon as you look at me, it was worth it just to see you again. **_

_**I missed your face, and I selfishly needed to see it again. **_

_**House**_

Her hands trembled as she looked to the bottom of the page, seeing one last sentence partially hiding under her fingertips.

…_**I think I got the spelling right this time.**_

Confusion clouded her mind as she reached for the velvet pouch and untied the string. Pouring into her hand the answer to his closing words.

Eight small wooden letters spilled into her palm as the realization hit her before she had to look further. Happiness filled her soul as she carefully arranged them on her nightstand in the way he intended her to read them…

'_I LOVE YOU' _spelled out underneath the light with the same letters, except one substitute, from their game…from their first weekend together.

Cuddy placed his note on the small table beside the wooden letters and turned off the light, laying her head upon the pillow…his pillow, facing towards his profoundly thoughtful gift. She pulled the sheets around her body, buried her face in his pillow. As she closed her eyes, falling asleep surrounded by his smell, the memory of the last few hours, and his love for her.


	17. Chapter 16

**Another Chapter! Been toying with heading in a few different directions sooo...this Chapter took a bit. **

**Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for the wonderful reviews for my last Chapter. When I struggle with words and want to quit, they remind me to keep writing! Hope to update soon...**

* * *

><p>'<em>knock, knock, knock…' <em>sounded loudly against House's front door, as he pulled the pillow over his head to ignore the early morning disturbance. He knew who it was. He was due back in the hospital the day prior but chose to stay home and wallow, a choice he was more than happy to repeat everyday; the hospital was the last place he wanted to be right now. After spending the last few days surrounded by Cuddy, he knew the hospital would feel more empty to him now, without her in it.

'_knock, knock, knock, knock…_' House groaned outwardly, threw off the covers and limped to the bathroom. He was begrudgingly awake, but still determined to ignore his pestering friend to the best of his abilities, as he turned on the shower to drown his sorrows and leg pain with hot water. House started to get undressed but the sound of a loud crash coming from his kitchen stopped his movements. Shaking his head, he pulled his pants back on and grabbed his cane to clobber Wilson with, as he made his way to confront the criminal in the kitchen.

House saw his trusty blow horn on the way and picked it up, waiting till Wilson's head was almost clear of the window he was climbing in from before he blew it, causing Wilson to startle and smack the back of his head on the window pane.

"Ow, son of a bitch!" Wilson practically fell the rest of the way into the kitchen clutching his head.

"My words exactly." House glared at him, setting the offending blow-horn on the counter. "I was going to beat you with my cane, but I figured this might be more effective."

"Well I wouldn't be here if you had answered your phone-or your door, or better yet, shown up to work." Wilson crossed his arms and leaned against the counter opposite House.

"I'm taking a sabbatical, I hear those are very popular these days."

"What…you can't." Wilson spoke with an incredulous look on his face.

"Actually I think I can, all I have to do is pick up the phone and contact human resources." House spoke without inflection as he crossed over to the stove and grabbed the tea kettle.

"Oh cut the crap House…_you_ not working will only drive you off the deep end."

"Hate to debunk your theory, but I've been off the deep end before…and I believe I was still working at the time."

"True. " Wilson admitted, but he clearly knew what this was really about, "What happened with Cuddy?"

House sighed; he wasn't ready to talk about her yet. The urge to immediately fly back to her was still obsessively boiling inside him. However he knew how strong Wilson's persistence could be, "A case of meningitis."

"Is that code for sex…or…"

"It's code for meningitis."

"Are you serious? Is she okay…is Rachel?" Wilson asked frantically.

House rolled his eyes, "Will you relax. They're fine. They got antibiotics right away, you talked to her on the phone remember?"

"Right," Wilson nodded, pausing before he proceeded for further knowledge, "So…you didn't sleep with her?"

House poured his tea without offering Wilson any, "Dear Abby, today my bestest friend pried into my personal affairs, whatever shall I do?" He mocked.

"Fine, it's none of my business. " Wilson threw his hands up, "Pour me some." House grabbed another cup and poured hot water into it, followed by a tea bag thrown hastily on top, "Thanks…" Wilson paused, "So…did you?"

"Yes, gossip girl, you happy?" House grumbled.

Wilson saw him turn away and stare at nothing, with an unreadable expression as he sipped his tea. "Uh, I am actually…are you? You don't seem happy."

"I'm fine."

"Clearly," Wilson responded, "What happened?"

"Nothing, it was only a weekend."

"Right, only a weekend…with the love of your life, who you slept with…who left the country to escape your madness…"

"I get it! " House interjected loudly, "I don't need a play by play of our history." He set his cup down and walked out of the kitchen.

"House, wait." Wilson followed after him, switching gears, "Obviously it was a good weekend, you guys were together…what's the problem?"

House ignored him and made his way back to the bathroom, trying to break free of Wilson as he attempted to close the door behind him. Wilson put his hand up and blocked the door from closing. House glared, "In case you haven't noticed, you interrupted my shower. Which in my world-unless you're a hooker-I consider showers to be a private endeavor. So if you'll excuse me before I _do _beat you with my cane…"

"She isn't coming back yet, is she?"

House dropped his head in defeat, throwing his cane on the ground before he removed his shirt. "No."

"Does she know what's going on with you…your tumor?" Wilson saw House shake his head. "Why? She would want to know House. She would be here right now-"

"Exactly. She would be here. But not to be _with_ me…to pity me. Now get out before I remove my pants."

"How do you know that?" Wilson challenged not backing out of the doorframe.

"Well, because generally people take off their pants before they show-"

"How do you know she would only be here out of pity?"

"Don't be an idiot Wilson, you know her just as well as I do."

Wilson furrowed his brow, "Okay, you might be right…" He slowly admitted, "But she wouldn't have slept with you if she hated you. Obviously she still loves you. What did she say?"

"She needed more time." House mumbled.

"Well there you go. She needs more time. That doesn't sound like a rejection to me. This is good House, you somehow managed to slowly win her back…" He saw House look away from him once more, "So I repeat, why aren't you happy?"

"Because I don't want to wait!" House shouted, finally giving Wilson what he had been so aggravatingly pressing for. "I was barely able to get on the plane to come home. Have you ever known me to be a patient man?" House asked, quieter than he began.

"Ah, no…but you are going to have to be. You have to give her what she needs this time. But it will be okay…this is Cuddy. You two will clearly never be finished…she will come back."

"Why thank you Dr. Drew." House spit out sarcastically while adjusting the shower temperature, and turning back around to Wilson, pointedly removing his pajama pants as promised.

"Alright I get it, I'm leaving." Wilson turned to leave then stopped, "You miss her, then call her House…might make you feel better. Oh and you have a case, I need you back in the hospital today." Wilson finished quickly and turned to leave once more, as House's cane flew out of the bathroom, narrowly missing his head, as the door slammed shut.

Wilson shook his head…thankful House had bad aim, and left him alone.

* * *

><p>House went into the office later that day. He had thoroughly planned on ignoring Wilson's request, but Thirteen had called and managed to lure him in by disclosing the oddities of their latest patient's symptoms.<p>

Having spent most of the day hiding in his office, waiting for tests to be run, House had repeatedly picked up the phone to call Cuddy, but continually stopped himself before he actually dialed. He wanted to hear her voice but that was the extent of it, he had no idea what he wanted to say beyond hello, and had no idea whether it would make him feel better, or worse, than he already felt.

So House spent the rest of the evening locked away downstairs in one of the clinic rooms watching television, waiting to see if his diagnosis was correct or if he needed to stay late to go back to the drawing board.

* * *

><p>It was after midnight before he got a page from Foreman, House had unknowingly fallen asleep and his pager startled him back to consciousness. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and walked over to the phone against the wall. "Please tell me I'm right." House spoke to Foreman on the other end.<p>

"You're wrong House, liver tests were normal."

"I'm not wrong, the liver will shut down next…We're just one step ahead of it. Did you do the ANA test?"

"Thirteen is running it now."

"Fine, page me when I'm right." House hung up and grabbed his cane, it was already after midnight and the hospital was mostly dark as he wandered out into the clinic. He made his way over to Wilson's locked office before he realized his direction, fumbling for just a moment before he managed to jimmy the door open, like he had done so many times over the years, and he slipped inside without anyone noticing.

He looked at the clock, 12:15am displayed back to him, and he knew that Cuddy would just be waking up by now. House put his cane upon her old desk, and went around to sit behind it. The phone was sitting beside the clock, and House stared at it for a long time, trying to process what he would say… if he actually went through with calling her. He shook his head, pushing the idiotic nerves aside, and picked up the receiver. As he slowly dialed her number, stored deep in his memory from months before, he sat back in the chair and held his breath, waiting to hear her voice on the other end…

* * *

><p>'<em>knock, knock.' <em>Cuddy was in the middle of helping Rachel brush her teeth when she heard the knock at her door. She stood up straight and looked blankly down the hall to the front door, having no idea who would be knocking at such an early hour.

'_knock, knock. ' _Her first instinct was that it was House, as she made her way to answer it, but she pushed it away, not wanting to get her hopes up. Although, a part of her was surprised he actually got on the plane and didn't show back up at her doorstep an hour after he left her. It had been two days, so she knew the possibilities of it being him were slim at this point.

Cuddy reached for the door, opening it just as Dr. Barret was turning to leave. "Michel…hi." She was surprised to see him.

"Lisa…I am here checking you and Rachel…but I see you are okay…" He smiled warmly at her. "You look very good."

"I'm doing much better thank you, Rachel is doing great too." She smiled back, it was hard not too when he looked at her like that.

"I brought _beignet_ for you." He gestured to a small white box and a single rose with a card attached to it sitting on her table next to the door. Cuddy was taken aback by his kindness, not able to form a proper response. "I am sorry to wake you, I will leave…" He turned and walked down the porch steps before turning back. "Will I see you tomorrow for work?"

"Uh, yes…but wait." She stopped him, "Thank you," she gathered the gift into her arms, "You didn't have to do this…would you like to join us for breakfast? I mean you supplied it already."

"I do not want to bother you…" He stepped forward, squinting handsomely in the winter sun, "Your friend is still here, yes?"

"Oh, Dr. House? No, he left a couple days ago…please come in." Cuddy smiled encouragingly at him. She felt horrible about the two of them meeting like that in the hospital, and she knew she needed to clear the air with him.

"If you are sure…"

"I am, come in." She left the door open as she made her way inside, placing the pastries on the counter. Rachel came running out as Michel came in and shut the front door behind him.

"Hi, Dr. Barret." Rachel spoke quickly as she ran past him and into the kitchen. "Mommy what's that, is it donuts?" She asked eyeing the box Cuddy had just put down on the counter.

"You are like a hawk, my dear. Yes. Go wash your hands and you can have one." Cuddy barely managed to finish speaking before Rachel was off like a flash, disappearing down the hall to wash her hands.

"She likes donut?" He laughed.

"Uh, yes, I think so." Cuddy replied laughing a bit herself.

Rachel ran back out and grabbed a donut from Cuddy's outstretched hand, before she began to retreat to the couch, "Hang on, remember your manners and say thank you to Dr. Barret please."

Rachel stopped in her tracks and turned as she shyly spoke up to him, "Thank you," she squeaked out, before she continued on her journey to the television.

Cuddy inwardly noted how different Rachel was with House, versus Dr, Barret. How much she opened up to House and was relaxed around him. Unlike any other adult besides herself, House was the only one Rachel truly trusted. An ironic twist to Cuddy's own relationship with him, because ultimately she wasn't sure she could ever trust him completely again. Cuddy stopped analyzing and grabbed two plates down for her and Michel. "Sit…please," she gestured to the barstool and sat down as well, placing donuts on both of their plates.

"Thank you again for this…um… I want to say sorry for the other day. Everything happened so fast, and Dr. House came here unexpectedly…it was a bit uncomfortable I know." Cuddy trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

"So…this Dr. House, he is boyfriend to you?"

"Uh, no…no, not exactly. He is my ex-boyfriend…" Cuddy paused, internally noticing how strange the word 'ex-boyfriend' sounded out loud. It seemed unfitting to what he was to her somehow. "But we do have a long history together."

"I have heard you speak of him, but I think he was only employee."

"That's because I didn't tell you he was anything more than that, I'm sorry. Our history is…complicated."

"I see that…you are in love, yes?"

"Michel-" Cuddy began to speak as the sound of the phone rang through her thought. "I'm sorry, I should get that. I'm expecting a call from my Mother, let me just tell her I will call her back." Cuddy reached out and gently squeezed his hand that was on the counter between than as she got up from the barstool. Thanking whatever fate there was at the interruption so she could collect herself. She sat on her bed and reached for the phone, "Hello Mom."

"Uh…hello my dear." House's voice spoke teasingly back to her through the other end of the phone.

"Hi." Cuddy choked out, shaking her head, his voice was not what she had anticipated.

"Is this a bad time?"

"No, I was just expecting my Mother's voice…she always calls me on…uh, never mind…Hi." She stupidly finished speaking.

"You said that."

"I know. I'm a bit flustered…" She shook her head at herself once again, "Apparently…"

House smiled as he pictured her face, "I can tell."

"Is everything okay?" She changed the subject.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well you called, I wasn't sure if something happened, or…"

"No, I was just calling to call…Wilson suggested it."

"So you're calling because Wilson told you too?"

"What? No… I'm calling because, I thought we could…" She could hear him clear his throat softly, "Look I have no idea what to say here."

"Well at least I'm not the only flustered one." Cuddy teased gently.

"Yeah." He sighed, pausing before he continued, "So…what are you wearing? "

Cuddy smiled, as the tone of his voice dropped to a seductive teasing whisper. She looked down at her outfit, "Uh, I'm in my pajamas still…wish I could do better for you."

"Oh that will do just fine. Please tell me you're wearing the white lacy pajamas."

"How did you know?" For some reason she lied, as she toyed with the buttons of her shirt…his shirt. His smell was mostly gone from it now, but she had put it on both nights since she last saw his face. It instantly had made her feel comforted and not alone.

House could tell she was lying as he mentally pictured her wearing his shirt, but he let it go. "You sound like you're feeling better."

"I am…you?"

"Well besides an extreme case of jet lag I'm doing okay."

"You must have jet lag. I know it's very late there. Where are you?"

"Sitting behind your old desk." House admitted freely.

"Let me guess…you're stuck there late because of a case, so you broke into the office again?"

"Oh you know me well."

Cuddy smiled, "That I do. " She replied easily. A huge part of her was wishing she was there with him instead, back in the States, back to her old life…

They were quiet for a few moments, before House cut in, finally finding his courage, "I called because I hate being back here without you, and I thought that if I heard your voice…well, that it might help-or make things much worse. It's Wilson's advice I'm taking here, so-"

"-It could go horribly awry." she finished his thought

"Pretty much."

"So which is it then? Better or worse?"

"Well right now I'm feeling much better…" he answered her with a smile on his face. "When we hang up…I don't know."

"If it helps…right now I'm feeling much better too." She leaned back against her bed, with a smile on her face as well, completely lost in his voice…

"Lisa, I am sorry, Rachel wants more uh donut, is okay?" Dr. Barret's voice shattered her trance and brought her right back to reality. She had forgotten he was even in her home. She quickly covered the ear piece, in a feeble attempt to not allow House to become aware of who was with her…but she knew it was too late. "Uh, yes its fine. I will be right out." She responded fast as he nodded and left.

House had heard him as soon as he spoke, dumbfounded as to why the hell the man would be at Cuddy's home so early in the morning…but he already could guess the answer to that question, and his blood began to boil. He could hear her fumble with the phone until he heard her breath again.

"House, I-"

"You have company." His cold voice sounded back, finishing her thought.

"Yes."

"Sounded remarkably familiar."

"Yes, it's who you think, but I didn't know he was-"

"Great, well I will let you get back to your company."

"House wait, please." House's fury was immediately apparent as Cuddy scrambled to soothe the tension. She hurriedly got up and shut her bedroom door closed so she could have some privacy to explain. "I know this seems bad, but it's innocent, he just came by."

House heard her panic, and it infuriated him even more, "Stop placating me and just admit he woke up there."

"I won't because he didn't. We haven't spoken since _you _saw him. He came by to talk, I owe him at least that."

"Really? What else do you owe him?" House spit back at her.

"House, stop. Don't do this. You're angry over nothing."

"Right, because you and I are not together." It was a statement, not a question.

"I-I know," she choked out. She could hear his voice was so incredibly detached already, "But that doesn't mean that I'm with him either. I just needed more-"

"Time." He finished for her once more.

"Yes…"

"Away from me."

"House, please, that's not what this is about and you know it." She pleaded aimlessly, knowing that she would never convince him otherwise, not when he was in this mood, and especially not over the phone.

"When you said you needed time, I didn't think you meant you needed time to fuck the town doctor."

His harsh words cut into her, just like he had intended, and her eyes welled despite herself as his vehemence and anger washed over her. The worst part was she knew this would happen eventually, he always had the power to break her…instantly.

"There it is." She spoke quietly. "I knew this part of you would come back eventually." She accused as her heart broke once again.

"You're right…so I will let you get back to a man that will hopefully give you what I sure as hell can't." House spoke quietly one last time, subdued sadness replacing the fury in his voice, before Cuddy heard a soft click, as the line went dead.

Her whole body was shaking as she managed to hang up the phone…just like he had. She sat still on the bed, swallowing the tears that were threatening to fall over the horrific turn of events that had taken only minutes to unravel.

He did it again, crushed her…as she unwittingly had crushed him. Confirming her worst thoughts all over again that _this _was how it was always going to be between them. They made it three days together, but they couldn't get through a simple phone call without fighting, without hurting one another. Always saying the wrong things…

Cuddy's sadness turned immediately into frustrated rage as she shook her head against the urge to throw things across her room, ease her pain somehow. She balled up her fists and crossed to her bedroom door, closing her eyes and taking a huge breath to settle her nerves before she had to deal with Dr. Barret…not knowing if she had it in her to deal with another man, but she had no choice in the matter now.

Finally breathing deep enough to manage to open her eyes back up, she opened the door and made her way down the hall.

Rachel was eating what Cuddy hoped was only donut number two, watching loud cartoons from the couch, and Dr. Barret was washing their dishes in the sink as she approached his side.

"Michel, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting." She managed to somehow find the strength to sound calm.

"It is okay." He dried his hands, and turned fully to her, "You are sad?" He said softly, looking into her face.

"I-" She felt her eyes well once more, "Yes…that was not the phone call I was expecting."

"Is not your Mother." He stated.

"No." She looked down at her hands, trying to not melt in front of a man that she had only known for so brief a time.

"Ah, I see. Is ex-boyfriend?" His eyes searched her for confirmation.

"Yes…we…he…" She stuttered to form a competent sentence, as she felt Michel's hand come up to touch her arm reassuringly.

"Is okay, you do not need to talk…can I help?"

He looked at her with such care; it only made things that much worse. "I don't know if anything will help me." She attempted to weakly smile, pull herself through it. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have accepted when you asked me out, when clearly I have stuff to work through. I didn't mean to lead you on."

"You did not. I could see you were being far away with me…but this Dr. House, he hurt you…why do you not move forward from him?"

Cuddy allowed a tear to escape as Michel's intensely accurate question seeped into her body. "Because I love him…" she swallowed, "And sometimes I hate him."

He nodded, but he didn't take his hand away, instead he brought his free hand up to her face and gently touched her cheek. "Lisa, I see is hard for you, but…" He sighed, "I do care for you. You are more beautiful than any women I have seen with my eyes, and you are kind. It is taking me a long time to think I can find a woman that makes me feel this way. I have been hurt too, just as you, but I have to move forward…and I want to try with you."

Cuddy was stunned by his words; she could feel his breath on her cheek as he leaned in to kiss her where his hand had just been caressing her with such tenderness, her eyes closed to his nearness. His amazingly kind words washing over her as she allowed him to enter her space, to kiss her…

His lips were warm; she could smell his cologne as he softly kissed her mouth with his own. Both sides of her heart were waging war within her, one part wanted him to stop and one part wanted nothing more than to spite House, spite the part of her that would always love him, spite everything that was worn and splintered…

Cuddy brought her hands up and placed them on either side of his waist, bringing him closer to her as she deepened the kiss, the part of her filled with immense anguish was winning, and she wanted nothing more than to feel something even remotely close to what she had with the man that had managed to mangle her heart, over and over again.

She could feel Michel respond, he wanted her, and something about that knowledge was empowering, filling her up with strength, that maybe she could move forward. For once in her amazingly hopeless love life. She could feel his hand gently cup her cheek as his other hand moved his way up her arm until she felt his fingers touch her neck, toying with the collar of her shirt…House's shirt…and just like that, the spell was broken.

Cuddy broke away instantly untangling herself from his embrace with as much grace as she could muster, as her hand flew up to cover her lips. She looked up to him, his expression was mixed with confusion and sadness as the realization hit him before she even spoke, "Michel, I-I can't." She placed her hand on his chest, trying to show that it wasn't him.

He nodded slowly and let his hands fall to his side. "Are you sure of this?" He asked softly, his handsome dark eyes bored into her.

"I have to be…this," she gestured between them, "is too much for me. I'm not ready."

"You cannot move forward…"

"I don't know."

His hand reached out and cupped her cheek once more, lingering there before he spoke softly, "I am sad to hear this…but I know what you are feeling, I know how this feels. I will go." He dropped his hand and gave her one last look before he started to head for the front door.

The tremble in her body subsided only mildly as he moved away from her, she felt sick over hurting him, he didn't deserve anything that she had done to him. "Michel…if things were different, maybe…" she trailed off, not ready to give false hope to a man that deserved much more than she could give.

"It is okay. I will see you tomorrow, yes?" He smiled faintly.

"Yes." Cuddy choked out, the shaking in her voice was too much to mask.

He nodded and turned away, closing the door softly behind him, as Cuddy leaned her body against it, shutting her eyes tightly…trying to just forget everything.

* * *

><p>House sat like a statue in the desk chair, staring blankly at the phone that he had been using only minutes before. The beating of his heart was so profoundly strong he felt like it would burst through his chest. Both of his hands were clenched into fists, resting on top of the desk…her desk.<p>

All he could think of was vicodin. It sounded through his head like a bomb exploding; it was the only thing that mattered now…nothing else. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to ignore the urge, fight it with any strength he had left within him, but the image of the doctor and her flashed in his mind so distinctly, and it became too much.

His fists slammed against the desk, his hands moving quickly, picking up the phone and heaving it against the wall. The sound was deafening in the quiet of the night, as he watched it shatter…but it wasn't enough. He grabbed whatever he could find on the desk and threw as hard as he could; breaking everything he came in contact with. His breathing was ragged as he moved across the office towards the bookcase, grabbing the picture of himself and her that had been an inspiration for one of his letters. He paused in his frenzy and ran his finger over the thick metal frame, as the haunting image of once held love stared mockingly back at him. He felt his face burn as the emotions whirled inside him, before he turned and aimed, hurtling it at the window…the glass crumbled loudly as the picture disappeared in the night.

House caught his breath and gazed through the gaping hole in the window. His leg throbbed powerfully, distracting him from his destruction and refocusing his pain to where it belonged…and he knew exactly what could help his leg, he could at least fix that…

He pushed his way out of the office, entering into the empty clinic, as he made his way to the one thing that could help. He approached the locked pharmacy without a plan as to how to break in. He examined the lock, and instantly knew he could break it, it would be so incredibly easy…but something stopped him. He felt his hands shake as he ran his fingers over the flimsy lock, like his body was recoiling at the thought of reverting back, of being sucked back in to a world that swallowed him up for so many years.

He stepped away slowly, leaning his back against the front desk, his eyes never leaving the lock, staying that way for a long time, before he moved. Slowly he averted his eyes, walking carefully around the desk until he saw the phone.

He dialed quickly, not giving himself a chance to stop, to retreat back towards his pills. It rang a few times till he heard the only person that could help.

"You better be dead." Wilson's scratchy voice answered.

"I'm close." House didn't bother masking his pain, his fears…

Wilson sat up in bed, knowing exactly what kind of mood House was in, "What happened?"

"Your advice was bullshit."

"What?"

"And I'm a few minutes away from breaking the pharmacy door down."

"You're at the hospital?"

"Yes!" House shouted; the pain coursed through his body. "I need help."

"I'll be right there, don't move."

House heard the silence from the other end of the phone as he set the receiver down on the desk. He reached for the chair behind him and sat down to wait, his eyes stayed locked on the pharmacy…


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17...It's decently long, hope that makes up for how long it took. Seems like every ten days or so is how long it takes my brain to get it right...or close to right :)**

**Also... if I'm dragging things out too much, please let me know. It's always a fear of mine...**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

><p>"<em>Mommy, where are you<em>?"

Cuddy stirred to the sound of her imploring child, as she heard her door creak ajar and soft footsteps shuffle into her room. She cracked one eye open towards her daughter's voice, now only a foot away.

"Rachel, it's like five in the morning, what are you doing up?"

"I's can't sleep."

"This is the third time this week you can't sleep." Cuddy sighed and shifted, lifting up the covers, "Get in…but only to sleep. I need at least another hour please."

"Okay." She snuggled up to her mother's side, tucking her stuffed animals under her chin and immediately closing her eyes, for which Cuddy was extremely grateful.

Closing her eyes as well, she brought the comforter closer around both of them to fend off the chill of the early morning. She carefully shoved Rachel over a little to make room for herself; her daughter had a penchant for hogging the bed like she was a giant dog all sprawled out and it had been some time since Cuddy had a proper sleep. Between Rachel's new abrupt morning alarm clock, and a wave of weird dreams coursing through her at night, she hadn't felt rested in weeks. She couldn't explain why her daughter was waking prematurely, but she knew exactly what caused her vivid dreams, there was a guest-star almost every night she closed her eyes, and he had a limp.

It had been one month since House left, since their epically ill-fated phone call a couple days later. At first, she had pushed all her feelings away. Not allowing herself to have any thoughts whatsoever, her anger at him, at his absolute irrationality fueled her on; but only briefly. Then her anger turned to sadness, he hadn't called back, he hadn't even written, and it left her feeling empty, and hurt that their miscommunication would last this long without any glimpse of reprieve.

Cuddy squeezed her eyes tighter, clearing her mind completely as Rachel's breathing calmed her, and finally after time, lulled her to sleep.

'_Ring…ring…ring…ring…ring…ring…' she heard the phone ring abruptly, breaking into her thoughts as she hovered over a mountain of paperwork on her desk. She was haphazardly sifting through the heap as the phone continued to ring. Staring at the phone only briefly she went back to her work, determined to ignore the intrusion to the best of her abilities. _

_The phone stopped, finally giving her some much needed silence as she carried on with her papers, but it was only a brief pardon as her office door flew opened, and her ultimate annoyance came in, holding his cell-phone pointedly up to his ear as he took his usual seat across from her._

"_Are we screening calls today, boss?"_

_Cuddy sighed without looking up, "Yes, because I knew it was you."_

"_How could you have possibly known that, there isn't caller-id on that phone?"_

_She put her pen down and faced her annoyance, "Right, but I knew you would repeatedly bug me today to get out of teaching the diagnostics seminar…oh and look at that, I'm right." _

_He sneezed dramatically, "I wouldn't have to resort to weaseling if you had just met my terms for doing the seminar in the first place."_

"_Yes, because a flat screen TV and oral sex are perfectly reasonable requests in order for you to teach a one hour seminar."_

_House looked at her with big eyes, driving his point home, "Well I would be more than happy to erase the flat screen TV off my list…if that helps."_

"_It doesn't, you're doing the class House, now get out of my office before I add another class to that list…I am currently looking for someone to teach a class on the dangers of untreated foot fungus."_

_House sneezed again, more forcefully this time as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue. "I really can't teach that's why I was calling. I'm sick."_

"_Sure." She looked back down to her work._

"_I am. I have the discolored snot to prove it."_

"_Get some antihistamines and report to the auditorium in an hour."_

"_Maybe you're not hearing me. I'm sick. I was exposed to a million viruses last week from your putrid clinic that you force me to work at. I could have a number of illnesses"_

"_I don't care."_

"_Well you should. You're a doctor, or at least you used to be…I need medical attention here."_

"_For a cold?"_

"_I told you I could have anything." _

_Cuddy stared at him, "House I don't have time for this."_

"_I'm sick."_

"_I heard you, I don't care."_

_He coughed and sneezed more fitfully this time, Cuddy saw him take out more tissue and rub his nose. He looked at her strangely as if he was going to say something else, and Cuddy could see a melancholy etched in his features. Finally, he appeared to decide something and got up from his chair, inching closer so he was standing right in front of the desk looking down at her, "I really am sick you know." His tone was suddenly strangely serious, "I'm not myself, I feel like someone else…all the time." He finished in a hushed tone, never breaking contact with her._

_Cuddy felt herself shiver, like something he said made sense to her. She could finally see now what he had been really trying to say. The room seemed to grow brighter as she rose up from her place sitting behind her desk, coming around closer to him, reaching out her hand to grab hold of his. _

_She found it blindly as, what seemed to be the sun, blinded her vision, and the room became hotter, even though his hand felt intensely freezing to her touch. _

"_Why are you so cold?" She asked reaching up to his cheek to find the iciness was there upon his skin as well. "House, you're freezing, it's like…" _

"_It's like what?" he asked, his breath coming out with wisps of cold air attached to it._

"_It's like you're frozen or…none of this is real." She spoke as the realization hit her. All of the sudden she heard a long scream, it belonged to a man from somewhere far off in the distance, but she had no idea where…and she also knew it sounded hauntingly familiar._

_Her body swiftly began to tremble as she looked up to House, "Why can I hear you screaming House?" _

_His face was staring blankly back at her, "I'm in pain."_

"_You are always in pain."_

"_Not like this…it's different…I'm different." He sounded back at her like a robot that was winding down, she could see his face fall a bit, his chin resting against his chest as his eyes closed, and stillness surrounded her once more._

_Cuddy squeezed his hand tightly in hers, but it felt lifeless, like a corpse. She let it go and backed away, willing herself to wake up and end this strange illusion. She fumbled her way to the bathroom in her office and turned on the faucet, shaking her head to wake up before she doused her whole head with water, "Wake…"_

"Up!" She bolted upright, her body surged with tension, and she could feel the sweat dripping down her forehead. Rachel stirred against her and opened her eyes, the light had crept into the room and morning had arrived for them both.

"_Mommy_?" Rachel panicked at the sudden movement.

Cuddy swallowed, her throat was painfully dry, "It's okay Rach…sorry." She wiped the sweat from her brow and put her hands over her eyes, still trying to hide from the vivid memories of the dream that just took her sleep. "I had a bad dream."

"Was there a baddie in it?" Rachel climbed onto her mother's lap, rubbing her eyes and slowly waking up herself.

The comfort of Rachel's warmth filled her up as she placed her hands around her daughter, "No…it was just strange." Cuddy ran her fingers in small circles over her daughter's back, more to comfort herself that anything else. The dream was starting to fade, as all dreams do, but something about this one stuck with her, and she couldn't shake the sensation that she needed to hold on to it…figure it out somehow.

"Maybe you's should of called a friend to help you cause-um sometimes my friends come to my dreams when I's scared." Rachel shifted and smiled up at Cuddy.

"Well that is good advice, I will try that next time." She kissed her on the top of the head, "What do you say we have some breakfast?" Rachel nodded and bounced off her lap, running down the hall as Cuddy stretched her body and moved slowly out of bed.

Her mind was racing as she found her robe and wrapped it around her, she could still see House's head fall forward as if the life was sucked out of him, and the image frightened her.

The family room was already full of noise once Cuddy finally made her way to the kitchen, "Rachel turn that down please."

"Okay!" Rachel shouted over the sound of her morning cartoons.

Cuddy waited till she could hear herself talk again before she spoke, "What do you want to eat?"

"Uh…pizza, just like Bosco."

"Pizza for breakfast? And who is Bosco?"

Rachel sighed and pointed, "The froggie on TV Mom."

"Oh…no pizza, maybe for dinner." Cuddy rummaged through her refrigerator, "How about eggs with cheese?"

"Okay." Rachel confirmed as she came into the kitchen and began scooting the barstool over to the counter next to the stove. Helping scramble eggs in the pan was one of her favorite things to do. "I'm ready." She smiled, as Cuddy began heating up the pan.

"Okay, let me scramble them up a little than you can do the rest in the pan okay."

Rachel smiled and sat patiently waiting on her perch, as a huge sense of de-ja-vu crashed over Cuddy. Something about Rachel sitting in that spot caused her to recall House in the same kitchen, cooking soup, as she herself sat exactly where Rachel was. It was strange, she thought of their weekend together more than she cared to admit, especially after what happened with their phone call, but this was different. It was like she needed to piece together clues to a mystery, and she couldn't decipher what her subconscious was trying to acknowledge.

Cuddy handed Rachel a spoon and allowed her to push the eggs around until they were decently scrambled, "Okay, good job, now sprinkle the cheese and you are done." Cuddy smiled at her helpful daughter, giving her the attention she deserved, instead of her pestering internal thoughts.

Rachel completed her task and scooted off the stool towards the couch. "Can I's eat in here Mommy?" She pointed, "My best cartoons is starting."

"They are all your best cartoons…but yes." Cuddy brought her daughter's plate out to the coffee table with a pile of steaming hot cheesy eggs on it, and returned to eat alone in the kitchen.

She sat facing the stove and the stool, now vacated, still resting where Rachel left it. As she pushed her eggs around the plate she closed her eyes and tried to remember the details of their conversation that day. She was sick, that much she could remember, and House was sweetly cooking for her and Rachel.

He was acting strange, and she tried to pry into what he was keeping from her. Deep down, she still knew there was something left unsaid that weekend, but ultimately Cuddy thought it was about them, something he was scared to divulge or admit too…but that all was starting to seem too simple. House was so subdued and his spirit was changed…Cuddy opened her eyes back up and stared at her food, like her eggs would hold the key to the mystery she was trying to unravel.

"_Ahh-chhoo!"_ Rachel let out a loud sneeze from the family room, snapping Cuddy's head towards the sound and triggering her dream from the night before…instantly she heard House sneeze as loudly as if he were right there next to her.

'_I'm sick…'_

All oxygen seemed to escape her lungs as his words echoed in her head…and the answer to the elusive puzzle came hurtling towards her senses.

'House is sick!' Her own voice shouted in her head, as the bile in her stomach rose in her throat from the horrific realization.

She got up quickly and threw her plate in the sink, practically running to her bedroom and grabbing the phone in her already clammy hand. Her hands quivered wildly as she began to dial his number…but then she stopped dead in her tracks. 'He won't tell me,' she knew in her heart that he would have told her by now, but something had stopped him. She refreshed the phone and began to dial another number, for someone who would surely give her the answers she needed…

* * *

><p>Wilson pulled open the door to the ICU room at the end of the hall, a last ditch effort to locate House. Finally he had succeeded as he pulled back the curtain to reveal his wayward employee; his legs were crossed in front of him on the bed, a small TV was propped lopsided on his lap. "I've been looking for you all day."<p>

"Surely not all day." House mocked not looking up once from the program he was watching.

"Well besides the fact that we have tickets to the hockey game in an hour, you also missed your MRI this morning."

House gasped, "That was today…well my secretary is fired, oh wait, that would be Taub."

Wilson was livid at his flippant reply, "House, I already…_against my much better judgment_, agreed to your asinine plan of monitoring your tumor's growth before I schedule your _inevitable _surgery, but if you start missing the test that allows me to do at least that much of my job-"

"Oh my God!" House abruptly cut in, turning towards Wilson's rant. "Erica and Frank broke up…they just had quadruplets!" He put his hand over his mouth and turned back to the television.

"House!"

"What…it got you to stop ranting." He said calmly.

"I'm serious!" Wilson's blood was burning as House continued to push him.

"Will you shut-up. I actually did forget about the MRI. I already rescheduled for Tuesday."

Wilson practically pulled his hair out as he ran his fingers over the short strands to calm himself. He sighed deeply, "Why can't you just say _that_?"

"How long have you known me, do we need to have this conversation every time-" Wilson's phone began to ring loudly from inside his lab coat pocket; the sound reverberated against the walls of the small room.

"Ssshh." House placed his finger to his lips with a genuinely pissed off expression on his face.

Wilson rolled his eyes and answered before looking at who the number belonged too. "Hello?" He placed his other hand over his ear to drown out the sound of House's television, now cranked way above normal volume.

"Wilson?"

He knew that voice, "Uh, yeah Hi."

"Are you with House right now?"

Wilson slightly turned back to House, but rethought and took a couple steps to the door instead. "Yes I am."

"Well, could you not be…" Cuddy's voice sounded tentative, like she was scared over something.

"Yes, that's fine. Just let me go-uh-grab the file…hang on one second will you." He put his hand over the receiver and approached House. "We still on for hockey?"

"Meet you outside in twenty." House motioned his hand for him to get lost, while his eyes remained locked on the small television set in front of him.

Wilson closed the door and walked hurriedly down the hallway towards the stairs, waiting till House was out of earshot before he put the phone back to his ear.

* * *

><p>Cuddy her some shuffling and the faint sound of House's voice before she thought she heard Wilson, "Hey you back?"<p>

"Yeah I'm in the elevator, but I only have twenty minutes before I have to meet House so…what's wrong?"

She furrowed her brow at his accurate diagnosis, "Why do you assume something's wrong?"

"Uh…we've been friends for twenty years."

"Fine…" She paused, not knowing the best way to brooch this. Should she trick him into confessing the answers that she craved, or should she just be direct? She had so hastily picked up the phone to find out if her feelings were accurate, she had no idea what to say…'maybe I'm wrong.' she wondered…and longed for.

"You still there?"

"Yeah…sorry. I'm calling because I…I can't shake this feeling…is there something you should tell me…about House?" She asked slightly indirectly and waited with bated breath for his response.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean." He feebly replied as she caught him off guard.

"I think you do." Her voice was shaky but she tried to mask it with a sense of knowing.

"I thought you didn't want to know anything about him."

"Yes…but things have changed."

"He's not using vicodin if that's why you called. He tried…the night that you two spoke."

Cuddy was pacing the floor without realizing her actions and slowed to a stop at the mention of vicodin. That ever present fear had also crossed her mind a thousand times since she last heard his voice; that he would use again. The phone call ended so frustratingly abruptly and she knew it would test him, "How did you stop him? I know how late it was-"

"He called me…" Wilson cut in, "Look I don't know all the details between you two, House hasn't spoken your name since that night, and in his current state of mind…I haven't pushed."

Cuddy ran Wilson's words around in her head, it wasn't like him not to push, not to meddle in everyone's personal affairs, and she knew then, that whatever House was keeping from her, James Wilson knew…"Why are you being careful all of the sudden?"

"Because House is in a fragile place…you're not here-" he fumbled.

"I have been gone nearly eight months Wilson."

"Yes I know…while we're on that subject, your job is available anytime you want it back. I don't know how you've handled this crap for all these years."

Cuddy ignored his weak attempt to distract her, "I know he's keeping something from me…and now I know _you _are also keeping something from me by the way you're talking."

She could hear him let out a long sigh before he responded carefully, "Even if I did, I'm not in this…you need to talk to House."

"_No_, I need to talk to you. We both know House, and whatever this '_secret'_ is that he thinks is better to keep from me…you know he won't back down from his irrationality once he sets his mind against it."

"Cuddy…I don't-"

"Answer me this. Do you actually think its better that I don't know…whatever this 'secret' is?"

"…No." Wilson's voice was faint but his confirmation was unmistakable.

Cuddy's whole body shook as she steeled herself a moment before she asked the one question that was the sole reason for her hasty phone call. "Is he sick?"

She heard his breathing…but nothing else…and the silence was deafening. "Wilson…how bad is it?"

"How did you know?" His strained voice sounded back to her.

"I didn't…"

"Then why would you ask-"

"I could see it in his face…I just didn't recognize what I was seeing until now."

"House should be the one-"

"Stop!" Her voice echoed around her, "Wilson, please…I need to know."

There was a long pause, and Cuddy felt her mind race with possible outcomes as she waited for Wilson to finally tell her the truth. She heard him let out a long tired sigh before he started, "He had a seizure…about a month before Christmas. Thirteen found him lying unconscious in his office. We ran tests and found a small mass…in his right frontal lobe." Wilson hesitated.

Cuddy's whole body felt like it would crumble as his words hit her. She blindly made her way to her bed to sit before she could hear anymore. "What did the biopsy say?"

"He has an atypical meningioma."

The air was ripped from her lungs as House's diagnosis was finally revealed…"What do you mean 'has?' You haven't removed it yet?" She was frantic.

"House opted for Radio Surgery and we did aggressive radiation therapy for the cancerous cells we found from the biopsy, the procedure went well, but the radiation took a toll on him for a while there...however, despite everything…recently we found that a piece still remains."

"How recently?"

"I got the results back while he was with you…"

Cuddy wiped the tears falling wildly down her cheeks, "That's why you called here…to tell him…" she whispered to herself.

"Yes."

"I don't understand. If you knew about the piece that's left…it's been a month, why hasn't the surgery taken place?"

"Because House is a stubborn ass." Wilson relented.

"He doesn't want to do it." Cuddy stated quietly, "He would rather wait for it to kill him before he ran the risk of losing brain function."

"Cuddy…we have both seen this kind of tumor.…" Wilson sounded just as terrified as she did, "Even if we did manage to get it all now…the survival rate past ten years is…" Cuddy's heart broke in a million pieces as she heard the hitch in Wilson's voice, "The chances of re-growth are high-"

"But not so high that it's not worth fighting for."

"I know…and I'm trying to convince him. But I can't physically force him to do the surgery, he has to concede, and right now…"

"Right now…he's being House."

"I'm working on it. I'm doing everything I can barring sedating him and losing my license to perform the surgery against his will."

"You should have told me."

"You have to know that I wanted too…but you…honestly with everything that you two have been through I wasn't sure if you knowing about all this would make it better…or worse for him."

It felt like a dagger stuck into her chest as she began to comprehend that Wilson was absolutely right. She was no longer a person that could help him; she left him and she knowingly gave up that role. Cuddy worried her fingers over the necklace she was wearing, the one that House had returned to her, from so many years before…"You might be right. House and I…are all over the place right now…but I can't sit back and allow him to die-I can't." Her voice cracked…she never felt so helpless in all her life.

"I'm doing everything I can, please trust that. I hate to leave you like this but if I don't meet House in the next five minutes he will know something's up, if he doesn't already." Wilson paused to give her a chance to say anything, but she was silent, "There is nothing you can do for him now…he will come around and do what's right, you just have to allow the process to happen."

She couldn't process anything, her body felt incredibly numb, and her voice felt as if it didn't even belong to her. "I have to go." She hung up quickly before she broke down completely. Wilson's words were swirling in her head along with House's face. She could see in perfect clarity the sickness in his face as they sat on her porch together in the late afternoon sun, she could still picture the way he hunched over while he was making her soup in the kitchen; the sadness in his face was all she could see now. It was the face of a man who was dying, who had given into his fate. Whatever Wilson thought he could accomplish with House…she knew better. House was a man resigned to let himself die…he had made a decision.

Forcing herself to get up from the bed, she hurried to the bathroom to douse her face with cold water. It took all of her not to be sick…she was going to lose him; that he wouldn't just be thousands of miles away, but gone to her forever.

She looked in the mirror, purposely pushing air through her lungs so the overwhelming dizziness would subside. There was only one thought racing in her mind, and she knew exactly what she had to do.

Making her way back down the hall to her bedroom, she found what she needed and opened her laptop. Sitting at her desk she began her search, booking an immediate flight for her and Rachel, without any hesitations…she was going home.

* * *

><p>It was 9:30am and House had hit the snooze on his alarm about ten times since the abhorrent noise roused him from a catatonic sleep. It sounded off once more before House finally had enough, and threw it aggressively against the wall, causing the sound to remain intact, but in one unending, irritating beep.<p>

Now apparent that he must get up to stop the annoyance from the corner of his room, he carefully shifted upright, noting his head felt like a bunch of screws were burrowing their way into his brain as he achieved the upright standing position. He yanked the batteries out of the alarm clock and threw them into the trash bin before he slowly limped to the bathroom, trying to piece together the events from the night before…

House had been out drinking, alone, that much he could remember. There were moments that House picked up the phone to drag Wilson out with him, but he thought it best to remain solitary.

It was late the evening before when House had returned to his empty apartment. Just finishing up on a case with a thirteen year old girl. He was tired and cranky from being sucked into dealing with the mentally incompetent parents of his patient, and wanted nothing more than to go home and drink in his boxers while watching the crappiest reality TV channel he could find. It was all he could think about on his short drive home, and as soon as he got in the door he poured himself a tall drink and made his way immediately to the sofa.

However once he sat down, having already removed his pants, shoes, and flipping on the television, he soon discovered that his cable was out. House downed his glass and chucked his remote on the table before he pondered what to do next.

He decided to play guitar but he knew one of his strings was broken so he limped over to his closet to search for some spares. He knew they were in a box on the floor somewhere but when he reached down to search for them, he discovered something else instead. Cuddy's high heels, shiny black ones, nestled in the corner of his closet gathering dust behind his old beat-up gym bag that hadn't been moved in many months.

He had no idea how they got back there. It must have been a cleaning lady that put them there months before. Whoever it was, it didn't change the fact that they were there, and that House was frozen in his spot, staring without touching, like they were going to get up and walk away from him if he moved any further.

He felt his chest ache instantly as the image of her came to his mind, walking down the hallway towards him wearing those same shoes, a file in her hand…just like before, before everything changed for both of them. House could see her smiling, fidgeting like she always did, her eyes sparkling at him, it was so clear a picture of her he concocted, that he got lost in her image for what felt like a long time.

Eventually he snapped back to the present and hated himself for being so easily weakened by the mere thought of her. He had tried so hard for the last few weeks to push her from his mind, an impossible goal but one that he fought to achieve, because the alternative was missing her, and picturing her with someone else. It was a hurt that was so unbelievably rich with emotions that he had to flee; it was the only thing he could control.

House slammed the closet shut forgetting the strings and grabbed his keys. From there he ventured out and found the closest bar to his home and drank until close, which was why his hangover was threatening to kick his ass all day. He rubbed his temples and found his way to the kitchen, knowing he needed a strong pot of coffee in him before he had any chance of getting to work.

* * *

><p>It was nearly twelve thirty by the time House made it into the hospital. Ignoring the dirty look from Wilson as he walked passed him to the elevator, he also managed to push the button and have the doors close around him before Wilson could pester him further.<p>

Having finished the case the day prior he spent the rest of the day trying to find a new case so Wilson would stop assuming he had any time to do the mountain of paperwork on his desk. That House was of course avoiding like the plague. He had tried to coerce Thirteen for weeks now to do it for him, but she kept insisting she was not his bitch, so House finally gave up.

"Hey I think I found one." Chase called from the other side of the office where his team was pulling case files to review.

House closed his eyes as the pounding in his head came rushing back with the loudness of Chase's voice. Shifting carefully from his desk he hobbled next door. "What did I tell you about the shouting today."

"Right, sorry. Thirteen year old boy, presented with acute migraine and loss of feeling in his right foot."

"He has a brain tumor…this is what I limped in here for?" He turned to leave.

"The MRI showed no mass." Chase finished quickly; he knew House would conclude that.

It seemed a sick twist of irony that a lot of House's patients lately had either cancer or a tumor. Like some cosmic force was shoving his own illness back in his face, mocking him. "Okay, start testing…wait." House recalled the last patient with incompetent parents and he cringed at the thought of working with another set. "Does this kid have parents that look like nit-wit asses that can barely string two words together?"

"Actually no, this kid is from a foster facility. He is a ward of the state." Chase was pleased with himself.

"Excellent. Do a full work up on Oliver Twist…and don't come back until you _all_ have your library voices with you." House pointed with his cane at Chase and walked slowly back to his own office.

He sat behind his desk and knew very abruptly that he needed food before he threw up, preferably something greasy, so he reached behind him and rummaged through his jacket pocket looking for his wallet. What felt like a small folded piece of paper brushed against his hand, unsure of what it was, he pulled it out along with his wallet to inspect it further.

He saw her name before he unfolded it the rest of the way, it was a letter, he recognized his small print smeared over the page. Something he must have written the night prior in his drunken state. Upon further inspection he noticed it was scribbled on the back of an order taking paper. Like he ripped it out or a notepad that a waitress would use. House had no recollection of writing anything at all, which was concerning as to how much alcohol he actually consumed last night, but a perfect explanation for the extreme hangover he couldn't seem to shake.

He started to read but thought against it. Whatever feelings he was having last night were probably not great. He had left the house to get away from the memory of her, from the blatant reminder of her long ago presence in his life, her high heels still collecting dust on the floor of his closet…untouched.

He placed the paper on the top of his voluminous stack of paperwork from the last couple months and got up from his chair, thinking that a nap was more important than the food that led him to find the drunken letter in his pocket.

Switching off the lights and dropping heavily in his recliner chair in the corner of his office he closed his eyes against the turmoil inside and fell into a deep sleep…

"_So…what are we doing tonight?'" Cuddy came wandering into his office. The rain was pouring; pounding on his window outside as the wind howled violently. Her voice seemed so far away even though she was now standing in front of his desk._

_He looked up and removed his glasses. "I don't know."_

_She looked hurt like she was expecting him to have a much better response. "You haven't thought of anything?"_

_House was confused, he couldn't even remember getting to work that morning, it felt like he was sleepwalking. Shaking his head at the eerie sensation that he had lived this moment already, he tried to push it away, "Uh…besides talking you home to my place…no." She looked gorgeous, wearing one of his favorite outfits, one that caused him to think of nothing else than her amazing curves and the feel of her body._

"_House I thought you were planning something special tonight…you said-it's our anniversary…the day we first danced, the party…remember?"_

_The room grew fuzzier as he muddled through his recollection to decipher what plans he might have made for the occasion, but he came up entirely blank. He looked into her eyes for some clue to help, but all he saw staring back were the eyes of a woman who seemed utterly disappointed, and who was waiting in vain for the correct sentence to be spoken. "I'm sorry…my head feels…off." He tried being honest._

"_You forgot." She stated simply, backing slowly away towards the doorframe._

"_No…yes." He closed his eyes…and slowly his memories started to flood into his conscious, replaying this same conversation that was currently taking place in his office. He could hear his next words in his head before he repeated them out loud. "We can do it another night…or just come over instead." It came out almost robotic as he spoke to her, knowing exactly what she would say next…'Fine, forget it. I'm going home.'_

"_Fine…forget it. I'm going home." She matched the words in his head precisely…and he knew he was trapped in some distant conversation, not knowing how the hell he got here._

_And his response would be, "Look I'm sorry, we can do it tomorrow. Dinner?" He hazily spoke; it felt like he was being controlled like a puppet set to autopilot._

_She inched the rest of the way to the door and turned back one last time. "It doesn't matter, let's just forget about it…I'll see you tomorrow." She barely looked at him as she spoke, then turned and walked slowly down the almost empty hallway, all that was left were the clicking of her heels before they eventually faded into nothing…_

House shifted in his sleep, and started to wake. Realizing his bizarre flashback dream before he opened his eyes fully, but he didn't want to wake, not yet. He would much prefer to sleep his agony away. The pain in his leg, head, and heart only eased with sleep. So he squeezed his eyes tighter and cleared his mind the best he could, and the grogginess took hold of him again.

It was then, he slowly started to hear a familiar noise. The clicking of high heels, so distinctly belonging to her, sounded in his mind just like moments before. The way she walked was burned forever in him, he would never forget it. This time they appeared stronger and he could sense her growing closer to him, instead of away with each step. Louder and louder they rang until suddenly they stopped, like she was right outside, standing in his doorway, the same place she was in his dream.

Suddenly it came crashing into him…He felt awake. His eyes were still shut, but he felt in control, the sound of the shoes hitting the floor were different than before, almost as if he didn't imagine them…

House thought he was crazy, but he could feel her too…like she was watching him, the smell of her perfume wafted towards him before he dared check to see if he was correct. It was all he could take, whether this was another illusion or not, there was only one way to find out. He cracked his eyes open and glanced to his doorway…

And she was there…


	19. Chapter 18

**Hi everyone! Well this chapter made me smile a bit while I wrote, even if it caused me a slight headache over the last few days to get it right..I do love writing when I actually have House and Cuddy in the same room!**

** If you've got the time, let me know what you think...good, bad, or inbetween...**

**Don't mean to be a grubby review requester, but it is rather encouraging to hear from all of you :)**

* * *

><p>Cuddy parked her car in the parking lot of the hospital that she hadn't stepped foot into for nearly a year, and turned off her engine. Gingerly she took her keys out of the ignition and placed them in her lap, but that's as far as she could make it. Taking a few moments in the quiet comfort of her car, she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against her seat, hoping to calm her aching spirit before she attempted to move further. Her nerves had begun anxiously radiating inside her the minute she started driving at the thought of walking through the hospital again, and seeing House for first time since their weekend together.<p>

Purposely choosing to arrive after clinic hours, she hoped that she could make it to his office without too many people spotting her. She didn't want to make this about her being welcomed back, not yet. This was only about House... Every part of her body craved to just see him again, like she wouldn't truly believe he was still alright until she could see for herself, but she also knew it would not be an easy conversation, and _that_ was the issue that had her glued to the driver seat at the moment.

No one knew she was back. She hadn't even told Wilson she was heading home. She only told her Mother, so she could plan for her to spend the evening with Rachel while she went to confront House about his illness. Her Mother, of course, had been very inquisitive when she found that her daughter was returning home before the year was up. Cuddy didn't have the energy to fight or evade her probing, so she told her the truth. A very simple version of the truth, but she knew her Mother was fully capable of filling in the cracks with her own thoughts and conclusions anyway.

It had taken her only five days after she talked with Wilson to leave France with Rachel. Most of their stuff was packed by the following morning, she found herself staying up through the night from the shock of it all. Then it was a matter of letting Rachel's school know, and of course telling Dr. Barret that she wouldn't be returning to work. That was a particularly hard thing for Cuddy to accomplish because of their tangled personal and work relationship. After they kissed, and she finally confessed that she wasn't ready, he had backed away, but it became harder to stay away from him when Cuddy found that he was still sweet and caring towards her. Despite everything that had happened between them. He treated her just like before everything was soured, and she was grateful to him for that…and extremely anguished to disappoint him yet again by leaving so suddenly. He was clearly shaken when she confessed of her eminent departure, taking her hand in his, he leaned in and given her a kiss on the cheek before he let his hold on her go, it was a bittersweet moment they shared that Cuddy would never forget.

Initially Rachel had been upset too about the sudden departure; when Cuddy had sat her down to explain it to her. She cried about the idea of missing her new friends, but grew to love the concept very shortly when she understood it involved seeing her room again, her Grandma, her cousins, and of course seeing her friend House.

The flight was easy; Cuddy had most of their stuff shipped ahead of them, so she only had to worry about her and Rachel. Her Mom had met her at the airport, and stayed the night as they settled back into their old home. Rachel had immediately run to her room and opened her bedroom door up like she was revisiting a long lost love, which made Cuddy joyful to see that they could get back to their old life like no time had passed, something that had weighed strongly on her mind.

After her Mom and Rachel went to bed that night she found herself walking aimlessly around her home. Each room was filled with so many powerful memories, and she began to revisit them unintentionally in her mind as she walked quietly about in the stillness of the night.

When she came into the dining room and everything was dark around her, she walked to the window and ran her fingers across the new wall that still remained unpainted from when House broke through it. She had left so soon after that day that she never got around to having it completely fixed back the way it was. The crushing sound she had hideously witnessed sounded in her ears as she recalled the moment in her head, she would never forget it…but that didn't seem to matter now, not anymore…

Cuddy snapped out of her thoughts and reached for her purse lying on the passenger seat of her car and placed her keys in it, while also blindly rummaging around for her lipstick. Pulling down her lighted mirror on her visor, she looked at her scared and seemingly broken reflection for a moment before she began to shakily apply some gloss to her lips, fix her long messy curls, force some air through her lungs properly once again so she could go in and face him.

She had wanted so desperately to go over to his apartment the moment she got off the plane, but she knew she needed to collect herself, and she also knew that bombarding House with anything, especially regarding a topic that he clearly had no intention of discussing with her, would do nothing but make matters worse. He would be upset, she knew him well enough to know that, but the truth was out there now, and there was no going back. Whether he was going to accept that fact was another story, and Cuddy was terrified to find out.

So she waited and chose the hospital to seek him, even if it had cost her all her sleep the night prior. Neutral ground. A place where they could talk, and hopefully a place where he would hear her out. Above all else, his tumor, their unresolved fight, the most important part that drove her now, was that she unequivocally missed him. No matter what else was attached to it, or what would take place once they had a chance to speak, she needed to see him. The last time they had spent together was undeniably staggering in the best way imaginable, something she was trying to hold onto, and she wanted to look into the eyes of that man again.

Carefully opening her car door, she finally managed to emerge from the safety of it, and walk towards the back stair entrance. Holding out hope that she would make it to his office unseen to the best of her abilities.

It was empty as she pulled the door open to the stairwell and began her climb upward towards the level of his office. She knew he would be there, this time of day he would probably be napping she thought. Once she reached the level below his office she of course began to hear footsteps, and she froze against the intrusive sound for a moment, before she realized she had no choice but to move forward if she wanted to make it to her destination.

"Dr. Cuddy?" She heard a familiar voice and lifted her eyes up towards the sound.

"Chase." She smiled at him, genuinely grateful to see his face again, as she walked up the stairs to greet him properly.

Chase smiled widely as well and pulled her into an embrace, and Cuddy felt herself relax a bit from his kind welcome. She had missed him too. He was a part of her home and she was overjoyed to be back amongst her friends. She hadn't realized how empty she felt while she was away until now.

"I didn't know you were coming back."

"Well I haven't yet, not officially anyway. I only got home yesterday."

"Oh…but you are coming back to work, right?"

"Ah… yes." Cuddy stumbled, the deep hesitation she felt at the notion of returning to work surprised her. "Eventually, I just need to get settled in first."

"Of course." Chase paused and noticed what floor number they were standing on. "You here for House?"

She nodded. "Is he there?"

"Uh, yeah he's asleep. Or at least he was about twenty minutes ago when I left him."

She glanced at the door that separated him from her. The confirmation that House was indeed a few feet away from her, was all it took for her to become overwhelmed with nervous energy once more. All of the sudden her legs seemed to wobble and her vision became blurred.

"Cuddy are you okay." He reached out with both arms to steady her as she teetered in front of him.

"Yes I'm fine…sorry." Her head cleared just as quickly as it had come on, and her senses returned to normal. She tried to recover, shaking her head against the instant embarrassment at being so weak in front of him, "Jet lag."

"Maybe you should sit down."

"No, I'm okay…really." She tightly smiled, in order to convince him, but she knew he could tell otherwise.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Chase pressed delicately. His tone became melancholy, and his expression told her what he was really referring too.

She stared up at him, seeing the concern for her in his eyes. "I-I only just heard."

"That's why you're here."

"No…yes initially, but there's more…" Cuddy's voice dropped, unable to finish her thoughts. "I wish I knew."

"What matters is that you know now, and you're here." He hesitated, searching for the right words of comfort, "It was hard for him…all of it. And at first I wasn't sure how he would manage. But he found a way…and…he had us. He wasn't entirely alone."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, "Has he had any re-occurrence of the symptoms that he had before?"

"No seizures. But the new scans showed his tumor is much smaller than it had been before. He's had some small morning headaches from what I can gather…but today I believe he is just hung over." Chase smiled trying to ease her worried face.

"Of course." She attempted to smile back, glancing back again at the door.

Chase looked as well, and stepped aside for her to be on her way. "I won't keep you. I'm glad you're back."

"Thanks. It feels good to be back." Cuddy approached the door and grabbed the handle.

"He's better around you. " Chase added quietly, causing her to turn back to him. "When you two were together, I honestly never thought I would see the day when House was actually happy. Whatever happens now…whatever happened in the past, you will always be his perfect other…and I do know from experience…_that_ is something that is not so easily found." He seemed like he wanted to say more, but he just closed his mouth and faintly smiled instead, before he turned and started to walk down the stairs.

Cuddy felt her eyes sting as she watched him walk away, her voice too constricted to vocalize anything further. So she turned away from his kind empowering words and bravely walked through the door.

The hall was mainly empty but she bowed her head slightly as she walked anyway, thanking God that House's door was just a few feet ahead of her. She stopped herself from hesitating or analyzing anything further as she crossed the last few steps and his body came into full view.

He was indeed sleeping, his head was relaxed to one side and his legs propped up on the ottoman in front of him. Cuddy felt her heat beat quicken intensely as she leaned against the door frame for support, taking every part of him in, watching his chest softly rise and fall with each breath he took.

She wanted to reach out to him immediately, but chose to keep her distance instead. It didn't matter anyway, because it was only a moment longer before House began to stir. His head shifted a bit and she could see his hand fidget in his lap. Then he opened his eyes and looked so perfectly in her direction it took her breath away, like he already knew she was there…

* * *

><p>The vision of her, quietly leaning against his office doorway like a ghost…watching him, obliterated all forms of cognitive thinking as House opened his mouth to speak…but only to find that no words would come.<p>

Sound seemed to be sucked away and the room was cloaked with intense silence as they took each other in. Cuddy saw House straighten his head to a more upright position from his chair, blinking the sleep away as he moved his legs carefully off the ottoman before him.

She worried her bottom lip nervously between her teeth, a gesture she quickly caught herself doing and stopped at once, but not before she saw House take notice of it. Knowing someone had to speak eventually; she forced her brain to come up with words that seemed to evade her while she stared into his piercing blue eyes.

"Hi." She whispered.

"Hey." House managed to return her one word opening line with one of his own.

"Sleeping during work…" she gestured to him, "Looks like some things never change."

House felt delirious, "Are you really here?" His voice was thick with sleep.

"You think I'm an illusion?"

"I was just dreaming about you, and now you're…" He shook his head slightly, "Seems more plausible you are a figment of my tortured imagination."

"Well if that were true, wouldn't your mind produce me wearing a skimpier outfit? " She smiled meekly, attempting to ease them both back into the playful dynamic they shared for so long. "I'm sure you could come up with something better than a black skirt and a sweater."

"Depends on my mood…" He rubbed his face roughly with his hands, his head was still pounding from the drunken night before, and he couldn't seem to process anything.

"House?" Cuddy knew he was in pain. He blinked up at her heavily, as if he was checking to see if it was indeed another hallucination. "You still think this is a dream."

He shifted and reached for his cane, not rising from his spot but appearing ready to flee if the occasion called for it. "Maybe." He paused, "It _has_ been known to happen."

"I know."

Cuddy stood there studying him for a few moments longer before she made a decision. She placed one foot in front of the other, and tentatively inched her way to the ottoman that House was just resting his legs upon, closing the small gap between them. She sat down facing opposite him.

"Give me your hand." Her voice was soft as she slowly placed her hand in the air between them, her palm turned up.

House studied her, hesitant to put the little faith he had left in the world on the line, to only discover that he was in fact trapped in another dream, but deep inside he knew this was different. There were no mistakes made in his subconscious. This was real, and she was waiting for him to take her hand.

So he brought his own hand up, placing it on top of her outstretched palm. As soon as he felt her skin against his, the familiar jolt of electricity sparked inside him….then, she surprised him. Bringing his hand up to her face she innocently touched her lips to his knuckles. He could feel her warm breath on his skin, and his body continued to pulsate as he watched her, but she only held on for a moment before she stopped her action and let go of his hand.

"Did that feel real?" She placed her hands back in her lap. Her eyes were unsure but she attempted to sound confident, hoping that she convinced him he was truly in the present time.

House felt his reserve begin to crumble as he nodded to her, and tried to control the sensations she created inside him, "I believe you proved you are real…yes"

"Good."

"So…undeniably real Cuddy, I didn't expect to see you here…now. Do you have a dentist appointment that you just _could not _reschedule and are here to say a quick hello before you leave aga-"

"No." She delicately cut in; ignoring his evasive tone he retreated too. Like he always did when he was unsure over something.

"No you don't have an appointment?" House was trying to play it down, not wanting for a second to get his hopes up for anything.

"No…I'm not just back for a few days…" She exhaled, "I'm back."

House leaned away from her, pressing his back to the chair he was sitting upon. He was immensely confused and he made no attempt to mask that fact in his expression. Cuddy saw the look in his eyes and waited for him to say anything, but he was silent, and she knew this was going to be harder than she had anticipated.

"House…I know I didn't tell you I was coming…but I'm here now. I-I mean…is that okay?" His uncertainty written clearly in his features was beginning to cloud her own face now, and she suddenly had the urge to run away swiftly, back the way she came.

House took in her words and tried to decipher why she would decide to come back without any notice or conversation. The last time they talked ended with him hanging up on her. He had been cruel; he remembered each and every word he spit at her with vehemence. Intentionally making the choice to hurt her in the moment, as much as she had hurt him…just like they always managed to do in the end.

"House?" Cuddy's voice broke into his thoughts, as he found her staring inquisitively from her spot on the ottoman in front of him. "Is it okay I'm here?" Her eyes were frightened, like she was waiting with bated breath for him to allow her to stay, and seeing that hurt and anticipation in her eyes was all it took. House's body immediately began to relax as he remembered that he had waited for this day since the moment she left…she was home, sitting beautifully in front of him…

"Yes." He finally answered her back, his voice coming out as a whisper.

Cuddy looked in his eyes and knew he was telling the truth, and she felt some of the tension she was holding onto dissipate from her body. So she mustered up the strength to continue. "I want to say I'm sorry. Something I should have said before now…that phone call was-"

"Don't."

"What?"

"You don't need to explain or apologize, you are free to do whatever you want. I shouldn't have called."

"I was happy you called. The timing was just…off."

"Well, we have always had a problem with that."

"We have."

"It was my fault. You said you needed time. I should have listened…but I've never been great at listening, I'm sure you have seen that in me from time to time." He half-smiled and Cuddy saw his eyes soften a bit as he spoke.

"I have…from time to time." She returned the half-smile briefly before she added, "Nothing happened House. Before anything else is said…I just need you to understand that."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me. It's the truth. Do you really think I could sleep with someone right after we…" She trailed off, and looked away from him, unable to finish her thought.

House bowed his head and let her words finally enter into his mind. He knew her, and from that, he knew she was telling the ultimate truth. There was no doubting that now; he could see it in her face. "I was scared. I heard him and…" He hesitated, the jealous feeling stirred within him and he forcefully pushed it aside. Leaning forward, he brought his face closer to hers, "Hey…" she carefully looked back to him. "I believe you." House nudged her leg with his cane, playfully trying to bring them back to a more comfortable conversation; he didn't want to continue to talk about the past.

She exhaled strongly and allowed herself to lock deep into his eyes again. Their faces were incredibly close. Instantly the impulse to kiss him shot through her, but instead of fighting it, like she would have been so quick to do in the past, she indulge it…

Cautiously she reached both of her hands up to his face and began to run her fingers over the stubble she found there, before gently pulling him even closer. He came to her willingly, and she placed a lingering kiss at both corners of his mouth, before she finally connected her lips fully against his. Cuddy shuddered when she tasted his breath, as he sweetly returned the kiss. His lips lightly parting against hers, enticing her to deepened the kiss as she continued to cup his face between her hands. It was one of the most intimate moments they had ever shared. There were no urging hormones, no pain or fight that they were attempting to solve through physical means. It was a kiss between two lovers that found each other once more. She felt House's hands reach up and rest against her own hands, holding them in their spot against his face, a simple gesture that made her heart overflow with the love she felt from him.

"Oh crap. " House's side door had opened briskly as Thirteen came into view, unwittingly breaking their kiss apart before she had time to retract her entrance.

House dropped his hands and looked beyond Cuddy to stare aggressively at her, as Cuddy bowed her head, and slowly shifted her body towards another familiar voice she hadn't heard for quite some time.

"I am _so_ sorry." She shifted the file folder uncomfortably in her hands. "Hey Dr. Cuddy, it's good to see you again." She smiled weakly and began to back towards the door.

"House…" Foreman came barging through the same door Thirteen had entered from and halted next to her as he saw who else was in the room. "Dr. Cuddy?" Foreman was taken aback as she arose from her spot to greet them hello.

"Dr. Foreman, Dr. Hadley it's good to see you." She embraced them both.

"We just came to tell you that we had to put our patient on dialysis. His liver is shutting down." Foreman spoke to House, "He's already at the top of the donor list, but we still don't know what's wrong with him."

"Well that's blatantly apparent." House pulled himself up with his cane to a standing position.

"Uh, yes. I want to test for hemochromatosis, it fits all his symptoms." Thirteen spoke quickly as she grabbed Foreman's arm to pull him out of the room. "We will come back when we get the results."

"Wait, why are you pulling me…I also want to test his blood alcohol levels." Foreman looked back to House.

Thirteen halted her motion. "The patient is thirteen years old. You think he could have created this much damage to his liver already?"

"Oh Foreman is just projecting his own booze addled youth onto our patient. He_ is _a convict you know." House mocked as he limped over close to Cuddy's side.

"Run both your tests." He paused, his eyes wide, "You can leave now."

"Yeah I kind of interrupted." Thirteen spoke to Foreman. She handed House the file and turned to leave bringing Foreman along with her.

"Is the patient overweight? Or has lost weight recently?" Cuddy asked before they left the room completely. She felt House's eyes on her.

"Uh yes, his parents said he has lost about twenty pounds in the last few months." Thirteen answered.

"It could be hyponatraemia. If the patient is taking diuretics it could have caused the liver failure." The room fell silent and Cuddy shifted to look at House. His face was neutral but she could see a hint of a knowing smile forming in his eyes.

"What?" She leaned closer to him.

"Nothing…just that I can fire Foreman if you're currently looking for work." He looked back to his team, "Go run your tests, check his iron level, and send Taub to find the kids secret stash of diet pills."

"Welcome back Dr. Cuddy." Thirteen added before she left the room.

The door closed behind them quietly, leaving House and Cuddy alone like before. She could feel him studying her closely as she turned back to him. "Why are you looking at me like that? Despite your consistent remarks to the contrary over the years, _I am _a doctor you know."

"Oh I know. I have concocted many fantasies in my mind starring the remarkable 'Dr. Cuddy,' donning a sexy white lab coat…and nothing else." He wiggled his eyebrows and inched closer to her, "But you came up with that theory so quickly, and _before me_. Working in that ER has changed you."

"I suppose it did." She nodded her head slightly looking up at him.

"And I wasn't kidding about firing Foreman you know."

"Well I do know that. " She teasingly smiled. The heat between them grew stronger as they looked into each other's eyes. House threw his cane aside and tilted his head, this time he was the one to initiate a kiss. His lips found hers instantly and he pulled her body tightly into his, as his arms encircled her lower waist. She felt herself melt deliciously against him. Wrapping her hands around his neck, she allowed herself to be swept away by his wonderful lips, captured by his movements, his smell, his everything…

When House finally pulled away they were both breathing hard. House could see Cuddy's blue eyes glimmer up at him as he toyed with a piece of her hair between his fingers. "I wouldn't have stopped, but I fear my hopelessly lost team will interrupt us again. And I'm sure you don't want your first day back to involve some of the staff seeing you writhing on top of my desk."

"I see. Cause your seduction skills would of course get me to take off my clothes in the middle of your office, during work hours."

"Oh how quick we forget past events. That desk over there is no virgin to your body if memory serves." He gestured towards the object of discussion.

Cuddy blushed, "That…was one time. It was late at night, and if _memory serves _you did not have a case that would have allotted for any interruptions."

"Technicalities my dear." House teased as he reached for her hand. "So…I don't want to sound girlie here, but…what does this all mean?"

Cuddy looked down at their hands, perfectly interwoven together before she spoke. She wanted to talk about what House had purposely kept from her, but she felt herself chickening out with each loving glance and gesture he was showering her with.

"It means…this. " She pulled up their hands so that they rested in between their bodies. "I can't deny what I will always feel for you, not anymore… how much I've missed you." She brushed her fingers across his hand, "I think…we should start again…maybe...take things slow."

"I see. You want me to woo you again."

"When did you ever _woo _me House?"

"What are you talking about? Remember all those flowers I bought you."

"I know you _stole_ me flowers from patient's room, and stuffed animals too, whenever you screwed up or wanted something from me." She smiled and arched her eyebrow.

"Ever heard the expression, it's the thought that counts."

"I believe I have…look, I'm not looking for any new moves…or you to romance me. I just don't want to screw this up. Ever again. So I think easing back in would be best for both of us."

"Okay."

"Okay?" She searched him, "No sarcastic comments, or extreme protests…"

"I can come up with a different retort if you'd like?" House answered.

Cuddy smiled, "Thank you."

House's face turned solemn and he looked down at their hands, still clasped together. "Thank you for coming home…giving us another chance."

She squeezed his hand, and leaned up to place another kiss upon his lips. A part of her wanted to finish what she came for, brooch the elusive terrifying subject of House's illness, but everything was so nice she didn't want to ruin the moment. She let go of his hand and placed her palms against his chest as she begrudgingly pulled away from the kiss. "I should go, let you get back to your patient."

He sighed, "My team is on it. Plus this alluring doctor I know probably came up with the proper diagnosis earlier, so there is nothing to worry about."

"Besides the fact that he still needs a new liver. No…there is nothing to worry about." She toyed with the buttons on his shirt.

"And now your patients parents refuse to let us touch him." Wilson's voice filled the room as he emerged from the doorway and stepped inside the office. He looked at both of them with a look of surprise on his face as he crossed the room towards Cuddy. "Thank God you're back." He said while pulling her into a tight warm hug.

Cuddy laughed against him, "Don't get too excited…" He pulled away to look at her, "I was hoping you could stay on for a couple more weeks. I'm not ready to come back just yet."

He sighed deeply, and released her from his grasp. "I hate you."

"I'm sorry. I promise to contact human resources and set up an official date…_and_ I have a feeling I can persuade your most troublesome employee to cut you some slack for the next week or so…" She looked imploringly back to House, to help her convince Wilson to stay on a bit longer.

"Don't look at me like that, I've gone easy on him. He's just whiner." House spoke with a hint of a mocking whiny tone in his own voice.

"Its fine, whatever. But you owe me for the rest of your life you know. " Wilson pointed at her.

"I know."

"Back to the reason I'm here. The parents of your patient overheard your teams plot to break into their house, unbeknownst to them of course, so now they want their son transferred to another hospital."

"Wait, I thought this kid was an orphan."

"Yeah, he lied when he was brought in. Someone found him on the brink of passing out at the park, with no ties to him. But his parents are here now, and they're pissed."

"Well terrific. You're the administrator, isn't it _your _job to stop them from making completely moronic choices like, deciding to kill their son?" House limped slowly back over to the chair and sat down, despite the fact he had spent the last half hour happily reunited with Cuddy, his head and leg seemed to be fighting for which one would hurt the worst at the moment. He began to methodically massage his thigh.

It was in that moment that Cuddy realized how tired House looked, and instantly the memory of his potentially terminal illness rocked her to her core; it took all of her strength not to cry right then and there. All the guilt for hurting him, being the one that started all of this pain, came flooding back. If only she hadn't run away from all of it when she did. They had wasted so much time fighting, while their love for each other was trampled on and tossed aside. She caught herself staring at him while trapped in her thoughts and suddenly realized he had been staring right back.

"What's wrong?" House was no fool, her expression was deeply lost, and he saw her eyes shine as if she were about to cry.

Cuddy instantaneously tried to hide her expression and replace it with something different, "Oh…nothing, I'm just tired from traveling. A bit spacey I guess." She turned to Wilson, "Did they sign the AMA forms yet?"

"No, I was actually hoping to try a different approach before they could. I need you to talk to them House." He looked between both of their equally surprised faces. "_I know this sounds strange_, but I can see the mother wavering. I want you to go be yourself and scare the hell out of her into changing her mind about the transfer."

"Interesting choice." Cuddy smiled towards Wilson.

House furrowed his brow and got up tiredly from the chair once more, "You see, I told you he was a whining idiot." He glanced to Cuddy, and then back to Wilson, "He secretly loves me and everything I stand for. It's about time someone asked me to 'be myself' around here." He spoke to them both.

"Well there is a first time for everything." Wilson shrugged, "I hate to break this up…but I need you to go down there now."

"Yes master." House jested, "Now get out so I can take a moment to say goodbye to my lady without your pestering face loaming over us."

Wilson smiled and gave Cuddy's arm a squeeze, "We'll catch up later?"

"Of course," she brightly smiled back at him, before he walked out of the office.

"I told you, you had to go." Cuddy said knowingly as she leaned into him.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that 'I told you so's' are highly unattractive."

"Hmm…I don't think so. Guess that means I'm too hideous to kiss goodbye then?"

"I can look past it…just this once." House smirked before he tucked a curl behind her ear and placed his hand upon her cheek. Cuddy could feel his finger graze her skin as she brought herself up to find his lips one last time.

House groaned when she planted her heels back on the ground and pulled her mouth from his. She laughed outwardly against his chest…she felt the exact same way. Encircling his waist with her arms, she found herself hugging him tightly before she could bring herself to let go.

Finally they managed to loosen their hold on each other and Cuddy regretfully broke free of his arms, walking over to grab her purse off the floor, where she had placed it when she first walked in.

"Seriously? You're making this a lot harder for me to care about a dying kid, when you bend over like that." House's voice was strained as he felt all the blood rush to his lower half in response to the view he was just blessed to witness.

Cuddy turned around, a smile fleeting across her lips. "I'm sorry, but I need my keys to get home." She held up her purse.

"Stay." His voice beckoned to her. "I won't be long."

"I can't. My Mother is watching Rachel…and I should probably rescue her soon before my Mom has had time torture her. I think Rachel needs space to get settled at home before being exposed to that woman for long periods of time."

"Don't we all." House sighed and shifted his cane between his hands, "Plus we're taking things slow…" He saw Cuddy tilt her head, "You see, I do listen sometimes."

House's face was undeniably sad, but he was trying to be understanding, something that was never an easy task for him to accomplish…and it made it even harder for her to want to leave.

She stood there and looked at him. Not wanting to leave but knowing she needed too. "Maybe we can see each other tomorrow…or whenever you're-"

"Tomorrow. I'm free tomorrow." House finished her thought. "Pick you up at seven…maybe take you on a proper 'first' date…I hear that's what gentleman do."

Cuddy beamed at him. "I think I've heard talk of such things…that sounds wonderful."

"Good… see you tomorrow." House spoke quietly.

"Yeah…tomorrow." She responded back. Looking at him one final time, she gave him another small smile before she turned away and disappeared through the door.

House waited until he could no longer hear the comforting sound of her heels echoing down the hall, before he left as well…with a wonderfully contented smile spreading across his lips.


	20. Chapter 19

**Here you go...as always let me know what you think! makes me happy :)**

**Have a wonderful Sunday!**

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><p>'<em>Beep Beep…Beep Beep…' <em>

House's phone alarm began blaring loudly from the side of his bed at precisely 9:00am. He turned his head towards the noise and sleepily reached his hand over to dismiss it. Instead of throwing the abhorrent contraption against the wall or hitting the snooze multiple times like he would have so readily done in the past, he found himself shifting upright and moving both legs to settle his feet upon the cold wood floor.

His head felt clear. It was a strange feeling, and something he was not typically accustom to feeling in the mornings, especially not over the last year, but this particular morning was entirely different. House closed his eyes with a small smile on his face as he pictured her face. He knew precisely what had caused this unaccustomed early burst of clarity and peace…or whom for that matter.

He reached for his cane and hobbled to the bathroom, stopping to look at his reflection in the mirror. He saw that he looked the same despite the way he felt, his hair was messed; gray stubble covered most of his face. House ran his hand through his hair and considered carefully the necessary grooming that he should take care of before tonight, noting that he desperately needed a haircut.

'Tonight…I have a date,' he remembered fondly mixed with a slight bit of apprehension. He wanted nothing more than to not disappoint her with a lousy evening, as his mind raced with the day prior's events. He picked up his razor and turned it on, and smiled to himself, Cuddy was home, and she wanted to try again…

'_Knock…knock…knock.' _His electric razor was poised in his hand when the interruption sounded. He looked down the hall and shook his head, knowing exactly who it was, and set his grooming instrument down on the sink with disdain, before he journeyed to the front door.

"Took you long enough." House spoke, as he swung the door wide to allow his friend to enter. "I was expecting you to be eagerly waiting on my doorstep last night, like a little school girl craving all the gossipy details."

"Well…I didn't want to interrupt anything. You two seemed…well yesterday." Wilson stepped inside as he spoke and looked carefully around the room, "Is she here?" He whispered.

"No Betty Lou…she never was. We're taking things slow."

Wilson's eyes grew big and inquisitive, "And…you're okay with this?"

"What do you take me for? A horny old man that only wants sex?"

"Uh…yes. Please for the _love of God _don't mess this up again, or I can no longer be friends with either one of you." He grinned widely, "I'm happy for you."

"Thank you…now get out I'm busy." He nodded toward the door and wandered away back towards his bathroom.

Wilson followed close behind, "Your patient got the transplant this morning, just in case you were wondering."

"I wasn't. I already solved the case last night…well actually, Cuddy solved the case."

"When are you seeing her again?"

"Tonight. I'm picking her up at seven."

"Good for you House." Wilson leaned against the door as House picked up his electric razor once again.

House paused in annoyance, "You going to watch me shave? Make sure I pick out the right outfit?"

"Blue button down shirt and your black jacket." Wilson offered.

House grumbled and stared at him through the reflection in the mirror, as he began to finally trim his facial hair.

"Where are you taking her?"

"I don't know yet. Did you want to plan that for me too Mom?"

Wilson held up his hands, "No…no I wouldn't dare step on your toes. I imagine that insane brain of yours can actually succeed in coming up with a romantic evening that Cuddy would love."

"Yep. I know she digs the mud wrestling pit down on Fifth Street. So I think we'll start there, and then I can seduce her in the parking lot next to Homeless Henry and his garbage can of flames." House finished cleaning up his face and went over to turn on the shower. "I hear women love sitting in front of a fire…gets them hot."

"That sounds perfect. Tell Henry I say hello…" Wilson turned to leave.

"I'm taking the day off!" House loudly called after him.

"I expect nothing less." Wilson shouted back before he made his way to the front door and closed it behind him.

* * *

><p>'God I look like a tramp!' Cuddy's thoughts whirled wildly in her brain as she took off another outfit in defeat. Sifting through her wardrobe in only a lacy bra and underwear, she was beginning to think she was going to run out of acceptable choices and have a nervous breakdown right there on her closet floor.<p>

Hangers flew swiftly across the pole they were resting on as she ruled out the clothes attached to them, before she halted, finally finding a potential choice that she forgot she even owned.

It was a strapless steely gray colored dress that, at one point, had hugged her in all the right places. She recalled having only worn it once to a wedding years before. It was a little fancy, she thought, but she took it off the hanger anyway. Her curiosity at whether or not it would even still fit won out as she slipped it over her head. The material was a soft satin, giving it an elegant appeal, and the skirt hugged her hips then flared slightly just below her knees. She reached for the zipper on the side, and held her breath as she started to zip it up, holding out hope that this dress would work. She knew House would be there any moment.

'I can't believe it.' Cuddy looked at herself in the closet mirror, the dress fit perfectly. She smiled at her reflection because it was the first thing she had put on that made her feel pretty, and she knew instantly that House would love it.

"You're wearing that?" Arlene crept quietly into the closet, noticing her daughter's appearance.

Cuddy let out an extremely heavy sigh, as she faced her Mother in the mirror, running her hands down the dress to smooth it out. "Yes Mom."

Arlene squinted her eyes judgingly, "It's a little slutty don't you think?"

"Barring jeans and a t-shirt, all my clothes are slutty Mother."

She shrugged, "Well I suppose when you have breasts like yours, it's hard to cover them up."

Cuddy half-smiled as she began to consider which heels to wear. "Well I will take that as a compliment, thank you."

"The high black ones with the straps." Arlene gestured to the corner of the closet as she came further in.

Cuddy looked to where her Mom was pointing and knew she was right. She reached down to pick them up and made her way out of the closet to sit upon her bed in order to secure them to her feet.

Arlene followed and stood in front of her, "I'm happy for you."

Cuddy looked up, "Really…you don't think I'm insane?"

"He may be an arrogant, cranky old ass with an extremely conniving disposition…but…he's the only man you have ever truly loved."

Cuddy raised her eyebrow in surprise, "And how do you know that? I've been married before…engaged to Lucas not that long ago."

"Because I know my daughter. We may not have always seen eye to eye. But I still raised you, and I know you have never loved anyone else…you can't stubbornly run away from that fact forever."

Cuddy exhaled, giving in to her Mother's intuitive analysis of her heart, "Julia will be furious with me. After everything he did."

"Let her be. Everyone has moments of pure insanity…makes life exciting." Arlene spoke assuredly.

Cuddy found herself laughing out loud at her Mother's response. It was a reaction she very rarely had the opportunity to express when Arlene was around and it somehow made her feel a little less anxious, "Thank you for staying another night to watch Rachel."

"Well since I haven't seen her for practically a year…" Arlene started to lay the guilt on but saw her daughter shot her a 'don't start' look. "I'm just saying I missed her, so staying another night is fine."

"Good. " Cuddy sighed and finished buckling her heel. She stood up and checked her reflection one more time in the mirror before she went to the bathroom to finish getting ready.

'_Knock, knock, knock…' _The sound from the front door resonated in the small bathroom as she was about to put on her lipstick.

"I got it." Arlene's voice called to her. Cuddy flinched when she heard her footsteps echoing down the hallway. She thought about stopping her, but knew the inevitable meeting would happen eventually between House and her Mom. 'God, I should have asked Wilson to baby-sit,' she pondered as the front door creaked open. Cuddy hurriedly started touching up the rest of her make-up, to save House as soon as possible.

"_House_!" She heard Rachel squeal and little footsteps running fast.

"Hey runt…Mrs. Cuddy." She heard his tone change for each greeting, making her smile at the thought of what his expression towards her Mother was at the moment.

"Greg…You don't have to stand in the doorway, come in. Rachel let go of his leg." Arlene replied nice enough. Cuddy heard the familiar sound of his cane tap on the hardwood floor and the door shut behind him. She reached for the perfume that House bought her long ago and sprayed a little on her neck before she gave herself one final glance and turned out the bathroom light.

She walked out of her bathroom and through her bedroom before he came into full view. As soon as she saw him standing there she began to feel her heartbeat start to pound ridiculously fast, so she took a deep breath, internally reminded herself to just relax, and made her way down the hallway to her date. House reacted with wide, longing eyes, when he saw her come towards him. Boosting her confidence with each step that she at least picked the right dress.

He walked towards her too, as soon as he had collected himself from the vision of her coming down the hall looking absolutely stunning. He had dressed nicely as well, to the best of his abilities, wearing an ironed pair of black slacks and a matching dinner jacket.

Cuddy saw he was wearing her favorite colored shirt, a sky blue button down parted open at the neck; a single deep red rose was held in his hand with a white bow tied around it. Cuddy smiled immediately, he looked incredibly sexy, she could tell he shaved and got a hair-cut, and as soon as she was near him, she could smell his enticing cologne. It was an amazing package.

They met at the edge of the hallway and House reached out between them and silently offered her the rose.

Cuddy's eyes lit up as she spoke, "Thank you." Their fingers brushed as she took the flower from his hand and held it to her nose.

"You look pretty Mommy!" Rachel interrupted, causing them both to remember they were currently being watched by two sets of explorative eyes.

They simultaneously turned their gazes, "You're killing me here, I'm supposed to say that," House stage whispered to Rachel, who had come to stand between them.

Cuddy saw Rachel smile widely up at him, ignoring House's perturbed face, clearly elated to be back amongst one of her favorite friends. "Uh, Rachel, why don't you show Grandma what video we rented for you guys to watch tonight." She looked to her Mom and spoke directly, "Maybe get that started…"

Arlene furrowed her brows at them both, "Sounds wonderful." She gave them one final look before she disappeared out of the room to follow Rachel.

"Hey," Cuddy spoke in a hushed amused tone as she adjusted her eyes back to stare longingly at her date. "You look…very nice." Being so near to him, combined with the way he looked tonight, was enough to make Cuddy feel like a nervous teenager. Her stomach was full of butterflies, and it felt crazy and wonderful all mixed together.

"Well the kid took my compliment. So…I guess I'm going to have to improvise and say… you took my breath away." House confessed quietly as he came even closer to her.

Cuddy's eyes grew wide, His incredibly intimate confession, one that he said without any restrictions behind it, as was in his nature to do so, felt unbelievably amazing; and her whole body flushed in response. She reached up to his chest, still clutching the red rose in her hand, and pulled him by his shirt gently against her; placing a soft kiss on his lips.

House kissed her back, but only for a moment before he pulled away, with a mock-serious expression, "Easy now. We're on our first date, remember?"

Cuddy questioned him slightly with her eyes before she played along, "You're absolutely right. Of course it's going to be rather hard with you saying things like that…and looking the way you do."

"Oh like you went easy on me? Look at the dress you're wearing." His eyes sought her out before they began to roam once again over her seductive body.

Cuddy's mouth grew wide with a victorious grin, as she left his side to grab her purse resting by the front door, knowing he was now watching her backside while she walked away from him. "Rachel, I'm leaving. Listen to Grandma please. No whining when it's time for bed."

Rachel came sliding out into the foyer in her footy pajamas, "House can you come back later too?"

"Probably not. First date rule regulations." House looked down into her big eyes.

"What?" Rachel questioned with a tilt of her head.

"Nothing Rach. I promise you and House will see each other a lot. I know he would _love _to sit down and color with you again very soon."

"Okay! Maybe we's can go to the store and get House um-um his very own color book too." Cuddy bit back an immediate smile, watching her daughters eager face at what would surely be painful torture for House later.

House shifted his cane as he shot a scolding look Cuddy's way, opening his mouth to speak before he saw Arlene enter the room, forcing him to swallow his original sarcastic retort. He sighed, "At least make it a manly coloring book. I refuse to color any more weird looking horses with hearts drawn on their butts."

"Okay." Rachel smiled before she heard her videos opening music montage sound in the other room. "Bye!" Rachel squeaked and bounded quickly away.

"Well…" Arlene looked at both of them, "You two have a nice time."

"Thanks." Cuddy looked to her Mom and handed her the rose, "Could you find a vase for this?"

Arlene looked at the flower and then up to House, "Geez…I hope you have a vase big enough."

"_Mom_." Cuddy shook her head, "And we were _so close _to leaving peacefully." Cuddy looked up to House with an apologetic face.

"What? It's one flower. What am I _supposed _to say?" Arlene defended.

"Maybe _nothing_." Cuddy rolled her eyes before she shrugged her coat on.

"Well I already bit my tongue from pointing out the fact that the man can't wear a tie to save his life."

"Well I had one on," House interjected, "But I spilt some tequila on it while I was driving over here. I thought it inappropriate to show up with a stain." House shrugged innocently while opening the front door.

Arlene sighed, "I'll go find some water," she turned to leave.

"Goodnight Mom."

"Mrs. Cuddy," House bowed his head to her dramatically, "Always a pleasure." He said with an exaggerated smile, and Cuddy saw her Mother shake her head before the door closed behind them.

Placing his hand on the small of her back, House guided his intoxicating date down the porch steps, and opened the car door for her. Excitement building inside him as he eagerly anticipated the evening to come. He just hoped that she loved the plans that he meticulously spent the day concocting as much as he wanted her too…

* * *

><p>"Where are we? I thought there were only warehouses around here." Cuddy looked out of the car window as House pulled up to a curb in the middle of a darkened street.<p>

"There are. " He replied simply before he got out and closed his car door. Cuddy followed suit and stepped out as well, standing to face him over the car.

"This way." House pointed to a door only about twenty feet away from where they were parked. He saw her hesitate in the darkness of the desolate street as the light above the door he was gesturing to blinked eerily off and on. "Trust me." He walked around the car and lifted up his hand for her to take.

She relaxed as soon as he was near and silently grabbed his hand, allowing him to lead the way…allowing herself to just enjoy whatever may come.

The door cracked open and Cuddy could make out in the shadows what looked to be a culinary school classroom. Stainless steel countertops were lined next to each other in rows, and when she walked further in she could see that each individual station had its own stovetop attached. Most of the lights were off except a few in the far end of the room, making it a bit cumbersome to walk any further, but it was then she noticed a man standing under one of the lights, next to what looked to be a big pot, and overpowering mouthwatering smells began wafting in her direction.

"Whatever that is, it smells amazing." Cuddy's face beamed as she looked over to him.

"Come on." House grabbed her hand once more and they walked together towards the stranger.

"Hey Manny, did you do what I asked?" House questioned as they approached.

"Yeah, I stirred every five minutes like you said, and I just turned off the oven." Manny handed House the wooden spoon he was holding and took off his dirtied apron. It was only then he noticed that Cuddy was standing behind him. "Wow." He spoke candidly as he hungrily took in House's date.

"Don't' drool around food." House placed what looked like a decent amount of money in his hand and nodded towards the door.

Manny tore his eyes away and looked down at the cash before he glanced longingly back to Cuddy one last time.

"Are you kidding?" House growled at him.

"Oh…right. Don't forget to lock up when you leave." Manny spoke only to House, handing him a set of keys before he left them alone, and the door clicked shut behind him.

"So…am I understanding this right…_you _cooked all of this? Do I smell lasagna?" Cuddy wandered closer to the stove, then turned around in awe.

House smirked, "Good nose. " He spoke seductively in her ear, teasingly coming closer before he changed course and leaned around her to fetch a bottle of wine from the counter. "Hungry?"

Cuddy could only nod an affirmation, too touched and now too filled with desire to speak without sounding like an emotional idiot.

House took notice of the effect he was having on her but didn't say anything. He grazed her arm with his fingers before he gestured with his head for her to follow, leading them both towards another door. He pulled it open, holding the bottle of wine in his other hand, and waited with anticipation for her to enter before he walked in behind her.

Cuddy found herself walking into an open room filled entirely with a soft enchanting light. Candles of all shapes and sizes flickered magically about the space, resting on the surfaces of the furniture and the shelves that lined the four walls. In the center of the room sat a small white table with two place settings, and a petite candelabra, also with candles burning brightly in it, rested romantically in the middle. After she took it all in, and her eyes were already watering from everything that House had done for her, she looked down to her feet and for the first time she noticed that the floor was sprinkled generously with bright rose petals of all different colors. She walked further in without looking at him, trying to keep it together so she didn't look like a blubbering fool. Quickly she wiped a tear threatening to fall and composed herself to the best of her abilities.

She could feel House's eyes on her as she finally felt calm enough to turn around and face him. He was quietly leaning on his cane, still standing by the door, studying her face for approval. She could see he was hesitant, questioning whether or not he succeeded with the romantic setting he so thoughtfully orchestrated.

"House…this is…the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me." Cuddy spoke through the lump in her throat, not knowing what else to say, or how to properly express her gratitude for his amazingly thoughtful evening. She still couldn't believe how much care he put into planning everything.

"You're forgetting about the time when I took you to the clown rodeo." House attempted to play it down, even though he inwardly was screaming with sheer joy, as she rewarded him with a breathtaking smile. He walked over and placed the bottle on the table, and lifted up the metal covers on the plates to reveal the first course for the evening. He grabbed the back of the chair and pulled it out for her.

"How could I have possibly forgotten that." Cuddy obliged and sat down in the offered setting, as House uncorked the wine. A luscious green salad topped with heirloom tomatoes, goat cheese, and artichoke hearts sat in front of her, a small sterling silver cup with dressing in it was resting next to her plate. She waited for House to sit down after pouring generous amounts of wine in each of their crystal glasses before she unfolded her napkin and spread it on her lap.

Cuddy lifted her glass just as House reached for his. She took a sip of the wine, allowing the flavor to wash over her tongue and their eyes connected eagerly in the light of the flames. She set her glass down, "Thank you…for all of this."

House set his own glass down and held her gaze, "Your welcome." He allowed a small smile to flit across his lips. He picked up his fork, "The food isn't fake you know, it's edible…or at least it was when I left here. Manny is a below average sous chef, but he was the only one willing to allow me to break and enter." He teased.

"Oh so now we're felons? I should be more shocked right now shouldn't I?"

"Don't tell me you didn't already deduce that being here might be breaking the rules?"

"Well…as long as this food turns out to be as good as it smells…I suppose it's worth the jail time." Cuddy smiled wide and somehow managed to tear her eyes from his and looked to her plate. She picked up her fork, and instantly discovered that the salad truly was as delicious as it appeared.

House felt utterly content as he began to eat as well. Despite deeper issues that still weighed heavily on his mind, he had consciously made the decision that tonight, nothing was going to stand in his way. He was going to allow himself a moment of happiness. Being with her now felt like a dream that he never wanted to awaken from. A part of him still couldn't believe that he was spending the evening with her, starting anew, after so many excruciating months apart. He tried not to watch her eat, but his eyes continued to follow hers, "I almost forgot." He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small remote.

Cuddy watched him intently as his fingers pressed a single button and faint music filled the room. She recognized instantly whose melodic voice it was reverberating around her, "Bon Iver…I love this song."

"I know." House quietly acknowledge.

She glanced around the room once more, taking it all in, "You sure put a lot of thought into tonight. How did you even have time for this?"

"Well…this enticingly sexy and occasionally wise doctor I know swooped in yesterday and diagnosed my patient."

"I was right?"

"I cannot confirm the identity of the doctor who completely showed off…legal purposes." He saw her eyebrows raise and a proud smile appear on her lips, "But it did allow me, graciously I might add, to be granted the day off…Wilson insisted."

"Well I'm certainly glad that you ran into this…what did you say…oh yes, enticingly beautiful and wise doctor." She leaned forward, placing her elbow on the table. Resting her head in her hand, she coyly batted her eyes at him.

House leaned forward as well, the candle burned softly between them. "I believe I said occasionally wise."

"My mistake." She bantered and they both continued to eat in a comfortable silence. The song changed and Cuddy recognized another one of her favorite songs begin to faintly play. "I love this song too." She put down her fork and looked at him, "I still can't believe you came up with all of this…you made me a mixed tape."

"I read somewhere that the mixed tape is a time honored first date tradition, by the end of the month I might just ask you to go steady. Besides…it didn't take long to create an evening you would love…I know everything there is to know about you."

"Well I do love this evening." She reached out with her hand and found his own resting on the table between them, Cuddy saw him react as she lightly ran her fingers across his skin, "And you do know me …but…certainly not everything. I know that I have managed to keep some things in my life a mystery, even to you."

"I beg to differ…I think all the mystery's contained in the Cuddy closet have been solved. I've had you down for years."

Cuddy removed her hand from his and reached for her wine glass. "_So_ _arrogant_." She said with a smirk.

"I'm not so sure its arrogance, more than just complete confidence in the facts at hand."

She took a sip and set her glass back down, "That there isn't _one_ thing you don't know about me?"

"Well barring childhood friend's names, and what color tutu you wore to a ballet recital when you were seven…yes."

"Care to make it interesting?"

House's eyes began to sparkle as he leaned forward once more. "Now you're speaking my language."

She mirrored his movements without thinking and her voice dropped lower. "How about…for every question you get wrong…you have to answer a question."

"About what?"

"You."

"You already know everything about me."

"I'm certainly not claiming to know everything there is to know about you. You've always kept things close, purposely dodging anything too directly personal."

"I would look up the meaning of the word 'personal' because I think there is a legitimate reason behind my lack of sharing. I believe others around the world commonly share in this same belief."

"Well I'm sure there is a lot to learn then."

"Fine, but I won't be getting any questions wrong."

"Oh and that's not arrogant?" She questioned teasingly.

House smirked as he got up from his seat, and without a word grabbed their empty salad plates in his hands. "Time for the second course. Be right back…gives you time to ponder what questions you are going to stump me with."

Cuddy watched him as he walked out of the room with what felt like a permanent smile painted on her lips. Although, in the back of her mind sat the knowledge that eventually she was going to have to come clean with him. Let him know that she was fully aware of his illness that still plagued him, but this evening was certainly not the time, and she knew _that _fact without any hesitations.

House came limping carefully back in the room, forcing Cuddy to instantly push any depressing thoughts aside. He came close to her side and placed a steamy bowl of soup in front of her. "Cream of cauliflower and parsnip soup, with garnish."

Cuddy stared at her bowl. It smelled incredible and the steam wafted around her generously, causing her mouth to water. "My favorite soup."

"Does this count as one of the things I already know about you, because in that case the score would be one to nothing."

Cuddy silently took a few bites before she returned his knowing stare, "Tastes wonderful." She evaded.

"You can't think of anything to ask me, can you?"

She shook her head and placed her spoon down, "Who am I named after?"

"I see you're starting with a trick question Dr. Cuddy. Your _middle name_ is the same as your Aunt Michelle's. Sister to one cranky old persnickety woman named Arlene." House gestured with his spoon in hand, "Two to nothing?"

"Okay, my grade point average when I graduated from Michigan?"

"Let's see I know I used this info to torment you at some point…4.1. Not high enough to make valedictorian though right? Should have slept with that Math professor when you had the chance."

She rolled her eyes before she thought of something wickedly clever, "Have I ever been with a woman?"

"Hmmm, excellent question…and one that I have asked repeatedly, but one that you have dodged answering. Judging by the look you're giving me now, and past discussions on the subject…I would have to say…yes, but just once I think."

Cuddy sipped a few more bites of delicious soup and tried to maintain composure.

"Your silence is golden…please tell me it was with Thirteen." House asked with an eager look on his face and his fingers blatantly crossed.

"Hate to destroy your vision of my scandalous rendezvous, but it was not with Thirteen." Cuddy paused, "Although she is extremely beautiful." She looked at him innocently, knowing he would love her admitting that.

"Thank you for that." House's eyes gleamed at her, "But our score seems to be a bit lopsided here, care to admit defeat? Wave your white lacy thong in the air…or Thirteen's perhaps?"

"Not yet…" She paused, trying desperately to rack her brain for anything she might have managed to keep hidden from him, suddenly it came to her, "Alright…what clubs were listed under my High School Senior photo in my yearbook?"

House leaned back in his chair, trying with all his might to think of what she could have possibly kept hidden in the yearbook he had spent time trying to find in the past.

She knew she had him, and proudly she took a few more sips of her soup before she spoke, "Your silence is golden. Never did find my yearbook did you?"

"Well played sir." House picked up his wine glass.

"Thank you." She beamed at him.

"Fine four to one…so are you finally going to tell me why you have purposely kept that hidden from me?"

"Oh no-no. It's my turn." Cuddy said casually.

House sought her eyes for a moment before he got up from his seat and picked up his bowl and then came closer to her side to fetch hers.

"I hope you are only fleeing so you can grab us some of the lasagna that I keep smelling." Cuddy looked up at him from her seat.

"Of course…I would hate for you to think I was some coward that couldn't handle answering a personal question." He turned to leave.

"I would never think that." Cuddy responded and watched him disappear one more time through the door, returning a mere minute later carefully holding two plates in his hands. She noticed he had discarded his cane next to the door when they first sat down so it made things a bit more challenging for him. She thought about helping, but knew that he would hate to feel like a person with a disability when he had planned such a romance filled date.

"I believe the lady's favorite lasagna is butternut squash and sage?"

She bit back a smile and leaned down to smell the wonderful food House had just placed in front of her. She looked longingly back to him, his face was incredibly handsome in the candlelight, and between the food, music, and conversation, Cuddy knew she was going to have a hard time holding true to her request to take things slow.

"I know…five to one." House said as he took a bite of lasagna.

"I admit the score is in your favor, but don't forget whose turn it is." Cuddy paused and took a delicious bite, savoring it before she spoke. "Oh and in case you were wondering, this food _is _worth going to jail for." After taking another ridiculously great bite she realized she hadn't even thought of anything she could ask. Of course there were many things that came to mind, but having a chance to only ask one question, she knew she wasn't going to be able to get much out of him anyway. "Alright…how old were you the first time you had your heart broken by a girl."

"_That's _your question?"

"What's wrong with that question?"

"Seems trivial."

"In the many years I have known you, barring our relationship and the one you had with Stacy…you are a man that has openly avoided long-term intimacy like the bubonic plague. I'm just curious to find out who more about the girl that started it all off."

House looked down to his plate and took a small bite of lasagna. Cuddy saw his hesitation and wondered why a simple question like this could already get to him. Then he recovered and looked at her, before he began. "Fine…let's see I was around twelve and her name was Melissa something or other. She rejected me when I asked her to a school dance, even though I gave her a mixed tape." House offered nothing else and continued to eat.

Cuddy shook her head, and finished swallowing her food, "You're lying."

"How can you say that? I spent hours making her that mixed tape, it was a very painful rejection."

"Why can't you answer the question?"

"I just did."

"No you avoided it with a sarcastic quip."

"I thought you liked my wit."

"I do when it's not nasty or directed at me…_or a way _to side step a simple inquiry."

"You sure put a lot of restrictions on when you can appreciate my humor."

"House, what are you hiding now?"

"Can we drop it?"

"Well I would have let it go, but now you have me curious."

"You have heard the old adage before right? The one about curiosity being a bitch to cats."

"Well it's a good thing I'm not a cat."

"True…although I have fantasized about you dressed like cat woman." He attempted to make her smile, but she only arched her brow and continued to look back at him, her skin glowed wonderfully in the candlelight.

He bowed his head, and sighed deeply. A part of him wanted to keep avoiding her question, but a bigger part of him wanted to just be honest, even if it hurt. "You really want to know…I was fifty one the first time my heart was broken."

"Fifty…" her eyes grew wide in disbelief, "_Me_? I was the first girl to break your heart?" House focused his eyes to his plate before he braved to look back at her instantly regretting revealing what he just had. It was written all over his face, this was not an act. She put her fork down and leaned closer to him, forcing him to stay connected with her.

"You were the first woman I truly allowed in…I spent my whole life keeping my distance. Never allowing anyone to get close, until you." House finished what he started. Speaking the truth, for once.

Cuddy tried to wrap her head around his words, "What about Stacey…your leg? I know that broke your heart…I was there." She asked hesitantly with a shaky voice.

"I did love Stacy, but when it ended it didn't break my heart. I always knew it would end…so ultimately I was okay with letting her go. At the time I had bigger problems than losing a woman I knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life with." House's shoulders slumped as he leaned forward so their faces were much closer than before, he felt heavy from the weight of having to talk openly, "You see _there is_ a valid reason why I hate to answer personal questions…especially when it causes you to have such a sad face."

Their eyes stayed with each other, and Cuddy felt at a loss for words over what she had just been told. She set her fork down on her plate and reached her hand back over to find his, placing her palm in his. She wanted to feel connected to him, her heart was aching with regret. "House…I'm so sor-"

"Wait…tonight isn't about all of this. I answered your question." House interrupted before she could speak further, and tickled the underneath of her hand with his fingers.

Cuddy relaxed a bit and knew he was absolutely right. Dwelling on past mistakes for either one of them was only going to cause them to regress in their newly blooming relationship.

The background song change once more and Cuddy could make out Al Green began soulfully filling the room with his pure voice. She got up from her seat, still holding onto his hand and came to stand next to his side. "How's your leg?" House stared up at her, she could feel his fingers continue to caress her skin, and she knew he probably didn't even realize his actions, but it felt wonderful.

"Still with me." House answered simply.

"Want to dance with me?" She knew he wouldn't refuse and he didn't disappoint her. He nodded slightly and pulled himself up, using her hand for a little support. She smiled brightly, immediately enraptured by the closeness of him, and pulled them both to the side of the room. Letting go of his hand, she wrapped her fingers around the back of his neck, and she felt House's arms encircle her low around her waist, drawing her closer to him.

"Remember the last time we slow-danced?" House leaned his mouth to her ear while he spoke, tickling her neck with his breath.

"You mean the night I ditched you on the dance floor?" Cuddy leaned her head back to make eye contact with him, a look of regret on her face.

"True…you wimped out on me."

Cuddy worried her lip between her teeth, "Yes I did. You caught me off guard that night."

House nodded his head and ran his hand delicately up her spine, causing Cuddy to shiver in response. "Well when the woman I fantasized about for years showed up in front of me in hot pants and tights, actually wanting to dance with me…I guess you caught me off guard too. And I have to say, even though it ended quicker than I had originally planned, I considered it to be an extremely successful night."

"And what had you originally planned?"

"To sweep you off your feet of course…followed by placing you seductively down on my bed and having my way with you." House grinned at her.

"Why do you think I ran?" Cuddy smiled faintly, "If the timing were different that night I would have let you fulfill your wishes…I wanted to…more than you know."

"Good to know." House responded with a whisper, as they continued to move slowly together to the music.

"Plus your costume was incredibly sexy." She teased.

"Ah, you have an Amadeus fetish…if you'd like I can rent that again."

Cuddy laughed against his shoulder as they mirrored each other; inching even closer together enveloped in a tight embrace. The curves of their bodies molded perfectly from head to toe as they swayed to the seductive music. House couldn't help himself and allowed his hand to slip even lower down her waist and cup her butt in his hand. "Oh how I've missed you and your masterful ass." He whispered under his breath.

She continued to giggle and flush with excitement, resting her head on his shoulder she turned her face and placed a soft kiss on his neck. "I've missed some things about you as well." She spoke, pulling back so their noses were practically touching.

"Like what?" House lightly inquired.

"Well while your ass is quite masterful too…what I missed was more northern." Cuddy saw House raise his eyebrows, waiting for her to continue. "Your lips…I missed kissing you."

They held each other's stare for a few moments before House leaned his head and brushed his lips against hers. Her hands came down and she pressed them to his warm chest as he trapped her firmly to him. The kiss deepened immediately, his hands weaved into her hair, the smell of her shampoo engulfed his senses and the world seemed to melt away.

House pulled away slightly and began trailing a line of kisses across her jaw, and Cuddy felt herself opening her eyes to him, impulsively wanting to see his face as he touched her. The love she felt for him in that moment was more intense than she thought possible. House sensed her watching him and placed another soft kiss to her cheek before he opened his eyes to look at her. She let out a shaky wonderful sigh of contentment and she reached up her hands and cupped his face. Running her fingers over his mouth, she leaned up and placed another kiss upon his flushed lips. She could feel him swallow a moan against her mouth as she sucked his bottom lip softly between her own.

Finally breaking apart from being utterly engrossed within the wonderful feeling of kissing one another, House found her hand and locked his fingers around hers. "Ready for dessert?"

Cuddy tilted her head, "Are we talking about real dessert here?"

"What exactly are you implying? You think I have a bottle of whip cream and fudge and planned on lathering your naked body until you looked like a sundae goddess?"

Cuddy swallowed, her throat suddenly feeling dry as he looked hungrily down to her. "Uh…yes…something to that effect."

House studied her reaction and his mouth fell open, "You would have said yes to that?" His voice came out much higher than he wanted.

She knew he could see her blushing even in the subdued light in the room. She bit her lip, "I plead the fifth."

"I can run to the store."

"I think regular dessert works better for tonight." She smiled and pulled his hand as she walked towards the door, bringing them both into the partially lighted kitchen. She looked around for hints of what he had prepared, "Let's see…my favorite dessert is-"

"Tiramisu." House came up behind her and opened up the refrigerator, pulling out a small round platter with a generous piece of tiramisu. He set it down on the counter and reached around her to grab a fork, holding it up to her eye level for her to grab hold of.

Cuddy grinned as she took it from his fingers and turned around to cut a bite with her fork. She could feel House trap her from behind. His hands coming up on either side of her to rest on the counter. She finished her bite and cut another piece, turning around to him and placing a sliver of the treat in his mouth. "This tastes perfect." Cuddy wiped a spot of chocolate off the corner of his mouth and pulled herself up to sit on top of the counter. Scooting the plate close to her side she fetched another bite of tiramisu and savored it. House's hands came to rest on her hips as he watched her eat.

"I've officially cooked you a four course meal now."

"Yes you have…and it was beyond incredible." Cuddy kissed him lightly, "Except now you have opened Pandora's box because your cooking is too fantastic not to want again and again."

"Well hopefully we can balance that with other things that you hopefully want again and again." House brought his head closer, moving her hair away from her neck to kiss her soft skin; his tongue running lightly over a spot that he knew drove her insane, as he felt the goose bumps rise on her arms.

She leaned her neck allowing him even better access, biting back a groan in response to his tantalizing caresses. He worked his way back to her lips, sparks shooting through them both as they met in passionate kiss. Their tongues danced gloriously against each others, hands roaming freely over one another's bodies…

"Ring…ring!" The sound of Houses phone resting on the counter where he left it earlier in the evening broke them painfully apart as they both turned to stare loathsomely at the interruption. House hung up on the intrusive caller instantly and turned back to run his fingers down her arms, leaning down to kiss her once more…

"Ring…ring! They groaned simultaneously as House reached for his phone without looking and answered it with a groan. "What?"

"House I know you're with Cuddy but you needed to know…its Chase. He's been in a car accident. Paramedics are bringing him in now."

Cuddy saw House's expression and silently mouthed 'what' while searching his face; she knew it wasn't a good call.

"How bad is it?"

"I know he's conscious but that's it. Thirteen was with him…but I'm told she's fine. They're both being brought in now, I'm on my way." Wilson spoke hurriedly.

House sighed and pinched his nose between his fingers. "I'll meet you there." He shut his phone off and threw it on the counter.

"What happened?" Cuddy caught hold of his arm as she slid off the counter to rest her heels on the floor.

"Chase and Thirteen were in an accident."

"Are they conscious?"

"Yeah."

"Well come on." Cuddy walked over and shut the fridge door, reaching for the keys, her jacket and her purse on the counter before she turned back to him. "You coming?"

House sighed heavily again and grabbed the keys out of her hand. "Yeah…" He picked up his phone and placed it in his pocket. "But if Chase makes it through this…I'm going kill him for ruining our date."

Cuddy nodded and hooked her arm in the crook of his elbow, as they began walking to the door. "Sounds like Chase has a rough road ahead then."


	21. Chapter 20

**Yay! Only a week! It's a bit shorter, but I thought it was a good place to stop. Besides, I figured you would want it now instead waiting any longer!**

**Hope to continue to please...and if you have the time, give me a little feedback :)**

* * *

><p>It was a little after ten at night when House and Cuddy found themselves walking through the familiar sliding doors into the emergency room of Princeton Plainsboro. They spotted Thirteen, slightly hidden behind a parted curtain, sitting upright on the gurney in the harsh lights of the hospital, looking intensely weary and frustrated, while her blood pressure was being recorded by a nurse. House approached first and Cuddy followed suit, coming around to the other side of the bed.<p>

"You know that's twice in twenty four hours you have interrupted important moments in my life." House tilted his head as he spoke and checked her pupils without asking for permission.

"You guys look nice," She worriedly looked between the both of them. "I'm fine, it's Chase that's hurt." She gently swatted his hand away, and took the blood pressure wrap off her arm. "I had no idea they called you."

"They didn't, Wilson called him." Cuddy said gently, "What happened?"

She shook her head and let out a shaky sigh, "Uh…we were coming home from a bar and…we were heading through an intersection…a car's lights came out of nowhere. They ran the light."

"You were driving so they hit Chase's side." Cuddy replied.

"Yes…but he's awake…he was lucky," She paused as the visions of the accident clouded her features. "The car hit right behind his door, His arm is hurt and he hit his head, but they separated us the minute we got here." She hopped off the bed she was sitting on and unhooked her heart monitor.

"Hold on." Cuddy put a hand out to steady her as Thirteen faltered a bit. "House why don't you go check on Chase, and I will stay here." House stared at her a moment before he nodded his head and disappeared through the swinging doors.

"Sit please." Cuddy was still holding onto Thirteen's arm as she tried to not forcefully make her do what she asked.

"I'm really okay." Thirteen tried to look convincing, but saw her former boss give a convincing authoritative stare and obliged her request.

"You hit your head too, yes?" Cuddy moved around to the side of her head that she suspected was injured. Seeing a bright spot of blood, she began to pry her hair apart to inspect her gash closer. "Why didn't you tell the paramedics?"

"Because I wanted to ride with Chase…and I knew I was fine. It's superficial." She winced as Cuddy pulled a piece of hair that was starting to dry against it.

"You need stitches." Cuddy moved to the side of the room and pulled out a suture kit, placing it on the table she pulled off her jack and grabbed a pair of latex gloves. "I hope I don't have to tell you that hitting your head when you also have Huntington's are not facts to take lightly. You need to be checked thoroughly." Cuddy readied a needle with liticane to numb the area, "This will hurt."

Thirteen closed her eyes tightly against the pain of the needle until Cuddy was finished. "You really do look pretty…sorry again…"

"Thank you," Cuddy smiled as she began stitching up the side of her head, "But you don't need to apologize, it was an accident." Cuddy watched Thirteen's face change at the mention of the word accident and stopped what she was doing. "It was an accident right?" Thirteen remained quiet as Cuddy studied her for a moment longer before continuing her work. "Did you have an involuntary movement in your body…is that what caused this."

"My foot jerked…I was trying to get out of the way. I shouldn't have been driving…but Chase was drinking…I had no other choice."

"Why haven't you told him that your disease is progressing? I assume you too are together."

She sighed deeply as Cuddy cut the thread and finished her work, "Same reason House didn't tell you…" Thirteen looked sadly to Cuddy as she took off her gloves and came around to face her.

Cuddy struggled to maintain composed as the fear of House's illness began to swallow her, but she pushed it down, "Whatever you think you're doing…shielding him…ignoring the problem so that no one is allowed in to help you. At the end of the day, don't you want his support…his comfort?"

"He can't do anything for me…why should I allow him to worry when he already knows my outcome?"

"Because he will find out eventually…and it will hurt him when he learns you couldn't trust him with your fears. " Cuddy paused as her eyes began to well unwittingly. "At the very least, you have to come clean with House. You can't pretend to do procedures that could harm a patient if your hands begin to jerk."

"I've managed to find a way out of anything that could harm a patient."

Cuddy silently nodded as one of the nurses approached them, "Dr. Cuddy it's so nice to see you."

"Nice to see you too Melissa." Cuddy smiled and received a small hug.

"I heard a rumor you came by yesterday, but I thought they were lying." She came around to check Thirteen's monitor. "I see you already unhooked yourself, doctors make the worst patients."

"Yeah, do you know where Dr. Chase is?" Thirteen anxiously asked, ignoring the lecture.

"Uh, the last I checked he was getting an MRI."

Thirteen immediately hopped down from the bed once again before looking to Cuddy, as if to be excused.

"Go…" Cuddy said quietly, "Slowly please."

"Thank you." Thirteen matched Cuddy's tone before she turned and disappeared through the same doors House had minutes before.

The nurse continued on and Cuddy found herself alone in the unusual stillness throughout the emergency room. She looked around and realized how many faces she actually didn't know on the staff, 'I've been gone a long time,' she thought to herself as she gathered her things and her legs began to take her to the place where she had spent most of her time over the last decade of her life.

With a soft click, her office door opened up for her, the lights were off, and she kept it that way, using only the moon streaming through the windows to guide her path. Not that she even needed light; she could walk every inch of the floor blindfolded without missing a beat.

Placing her jacket and purse down on the sofa, she walked towards the shelves along the wall of her old office, and ran her hand over the rows of books, some of which she had possessed since med school. Everything looked the same, her small knick knacks that lay amongst the books, had remained untouched. 'He probably thought I would return a lot sooner,' she pondered with slight guilt over the stress she had put him through during the last few months.

Stopping in front of a shelf that used to contain a picture of House and her, it was the first thing she noticed of hers that was missing. Even after they broke up she couldn't bring herself to move it, but now it seemed to have vanished in her absence. She methodically ran her finger over the empty spot where that picture once was, and all that was left in its place was a small amount of dust resting upon her fingertip.

Moving on from the mystery behind the missing photo she walked over to her desk and pulled the chair out, sitting down in it. It felt like years had passed as she stared from the viewpoint she was incredibly akin with, and in the same breath it felt like she had only been gone for a moment. Pulling herself forward to rest her elbows on the desk…her old desk from decades before, she wandered into her own memories, lost in thought, until the slight sound of the door creaking open broke into her reminiscence.

She could tell it was Wilson from the way he moved as he stepped inside, also choosing not to turn on the light.

"Hey." She called softly from her perch behind her desk, causing Wilson to startle immediately, as Cuddy switched on a small light to reveal where she was in the room.

"Yeah…I think I just lost about three years of my life." He said as he gathered himself.

"Sorry." Cuddy offered, "How's Chase?"

Wilson stepped forward and came to stand in front of her. "He has a concussion and needed over thirty stitches in his arm where the glass sliced him, but he should be fine. House noticed that his blood wasn't clotting properly so he's running more tests now, although it's probably nothing." Wilson sighed wearily and sat down in the chair next to him.

"So…how was the date?" He asked inquisitively.

"Great…House planned an amazing evening." Cuddy smiled as the vivid memories of dancing with him played back in her mind.

"He missed you."

"I know…I missed him."

"Good…" Wilson hesitated.

"Good?" Cuddy saw in his face that he wished he could take back his choice of word. "What…did you think I had some ulterior motive in my return?"

"No…that's not what I meant."

"Wilson…" Cuddy leaned forward to see his face better in the dull light.

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably before he let out a sigh, "I just…would hate for House to be right."

"About what?"

"About the fact that if he told you what was going on with him, you would rush back to be with him…"

"I didn't come back because of some sort of misguided guilt, if that's what you're implying. "

"I'm not trying to imply anything…it's just…" He hesitated.

"What…just say it. "

"He doesn't need a nurse." Wilson said sincerely, speaking as delicately as possible.

She bit her bottom lip nervously, trying to keep her calm. "I know that."

"Have you told him what you know?"

"No." She whispered.

"Why not?"

"I don't…I'm waiting for the right moment."

He knew instantly she was lying. "No. You're waiting for him to tell you. Am I right?"

"Maybe he will…"

"_Cuddy_." Wilson made no attempt this time to be delicate as he forced her to confront her ignorance.

"Look-I get it. I _will_ tell him." She looked straight into his eyes. "I just…don't want it to come out wrong…ruin everything. I know how he'll react…"

"Yeah…" Wilson rubbed his face roughly and leaned back against the chair, "Very badly."

"I know…" Cuddy agreed without hesitation, and the thought scared her to death. "I haven't been gone so long that I have forgotten who I'm dealing with. "

"But you _have _done exactly what he predicted…you found out…and you came home."

"_Because I love him._ " She felt her personal confession burst out of her before she managed to even her voice once more. "And…I can't lose him again."

Wilson stared at her with an equally forlorn look upon his face, and felt the double-meaning in her spoken words, as if he said them himself. "No matter what you say, or if you finally convince him to do the surgery…we both have to accept the possibility that we…might lose him anyway."

Cuddy felt like she was slapped in the face as Wilson confided his deepest fears out loud, "Don't say that. People beat these kinds of tumors all the time."

"Yes they do…and I hope you can be the one person to finally get through to him…but the longer you wait…it will only make him angrier and more suspicious if he finds out how long you've kept this from him…and he _will_ find out."

Cuddy wiped a fallen tear, and knew she couldn't talk about this anymore, or she would dissolve into a puddle on her office floor. Wilson could sense her turmoil and rose up carefully from his chair, coming over to the desk; he retrieved a file resting under the lighted lamp. "What I originally came in here for." He said quietly and rested his hand upon her shoulder, trying to offer some small amount of comfort after the conversation they just had.

It was in that moment, that they simultaneously heard the door creak further open, and the soft tapping of a cane came wandering inside. Wilson took his hand off Cuddy's shoulder, a guttural reaction to House approaching…a microscopic action that unfortunately did not go unnoticed.

"Am I interrupting?" House said with a hint of accusation as he took in the picture in front of him.

"What…no I was just attempting to coerce Cuddy into coming back to work next week." Wilson thought fast and thought he played it off smooth enough to convince House.

Cuddy followed suit, instantly trying to act as if she were perfectly alright, and not a woman that had been crying moments before. But she knew perfectly well that House _truly did_ know everything there was about her…and he would know, without a doubt, she was hiding something now.

House immediately noticed her failed attempts to recover, even though her eyes held traces of moisture that she could not mask so quickly, and a cold chill ran down his spine as a mountain of realization came crashing down on top of him. Suddenly every single clue that had dropped in front of him over the last couple days fell into his lap like he was solving a patient's illness.

His eyes glazed over as he looked through his two best friends facing him from a small distance away. House saw Cuddy move, pulling him from his trance, to stand up so she was side by side with Wilson. It was then; he finally managed to find his voice, "What are you hiding now?" But it only came out in a mere whisper.

Cuddy heard, but couldn't follow. "What?" She matched his tone.

House stepped forward; his face becoming more prominent under the glow of the single light. "You said that during dinner…'what are you hiding now'." He shook his head, "Why '_now_'?"

And with that she knew…she had to come clean. "Wilson could you excuse us please." She asked without facing him, as she stayed linked only with House, not attempting to hide how she felt any longer.

"Why bother," House said in a tone less weak, and finally matching his normal volume, he gestured with his cane pointed momentarily at Wilson, "I'm assuming you're already in this."

"House…don't blame him." She said softly, wanting desperately to come closer to him, but knowing with certainty, that was not the way to approach him…not now. "I figured it out on my own."

"How long?" He stared directly at her, his voice coming out colder than he had intended as he slowly found his soul slipping back behind locked doors.

"I…" Her throat instantly restricted, as the anguish over telling him a very guilty looking truth, stopped her from speaking any further.

House felt his insides crumble as his worst fear was confirmed, "This time…your silence is deafening."

Wilson looked between them both, before stepping carefully towards his friend, but House's voice stopped him, "And I can only assume that you filled in the gaps for her. Seems like the two of you conspiring together hasn't missed a beat since you ran away from your life." He turned back to face Cuddy and made it distinctly clear he was intentionally trying to get to her.

"You have every right to be upset." She spoke timidly, ignoring his biting words.

"Thanks for the permission." House replied with less venom in his tone, his eyes softening a bit; an utter reflex as he connected briefly with her from a small distance away, and it was a reaction in himself that pissed him off all the more.

"House." Wilson cut in, this time coming around the desk...

"You know on second thought, leave. The last thing I need right now is a poor excuse for a mediator." House spoke while barely looking at him. He could barely look in her direction either. The anger from the betrayal he felt from her, hurt far too much; his eyes needing to fixate on anything but the two of them.

"You're right." Wilson said as he approached House's side. "Just…hear her out." He spoke only to him as he passed by and grabbed the door handle, shutting it softly behind him.

House bit back another harmful remark when he finally found the strength to catch her eyes again, her face beckoned back at him in the moonlight; her eyes were unbearably upset. "I saw it in your face yesterday…and I ignored it. The same face you're giving me now." House spoke like he was only talking with himself, shifting his leg uncomfortably as he placed his hand on his upper thigh.

"It's not why I'm here."

"But it's the reason you bought the ticket."

"It was only the final push I needed for something that was _absolutely_ going to happen anyway." Cuddy spoke imploringly with all the sincerity in the world, hoping her words would break through somehow.

"Right because, now that I might be dying, you finally find the strength to be with me again?"

"I decided to be with you again the moment I saw you appear in front of me thousands of miles from home!" Nearly shouting, she took a breath to gather herself, "Honestly I knew I could never be done with you from the moment I received your first letter."

"Then why didn't you stop me from leaving?"

"I…"

"You could have told me not to get on the plane."

"I don't know." She said regrettably, "It just all happened so quickly and I was sick…"

"Or maybe it's because nothing's changed. You will always be looking for me to fail and that's why you were grasping for more time, thinking that a magical remedy would appear out of thin air and change what you _truly_ _thought_ about me." He stared at her aggresively, "And it did….because now that you might only have to deal with me till you turn forty-six or so, you finally have the courage you were searching for to try again." House's words flowed from his mouth without any censorship, every part of him needed to confront her now. His patience for miscommunications had faded drastically the moment he discovered how short his life could possibly be.

Cuddy recoiled as his accusations flew at her, but despite how fiercely his face was boring into her, she felt herself being pulled toward him, regardless of how anxiously fast her heart was pounding in her chest. Her feet tentatively found their way around the desk, her eyes never straying from his face.

House watched her as she approached but didn't make any attempts of moving, then he noticed her hesitate as she came nearer, stopping just a couple feet away. She braved to look directly at him, forcing him to look back, even though he wanted to turn and leave. "That's not true…because…you're not going anywhere."

"Oh so you're going to take the cheerleader approach…would be much more affective if you had the outfit to match." House turned away, having heard enough for one evening, and began to make his way to the door.

"House wait." She moved quickly and came around him, her hand brushed softly against his chest, hoping it would stop him long enough to stay with her. They were facing each other now in near darkness but Cuddy could still see his eyes looking down to her…studying her hand resting against his heart.

"Don't." he whispered, and carefully removed her hand from his body, letting it go by her side.

"Please…don't do this, stay and…and yell at me…anything besides running away."

"Right…I forgot that's _your _method of dealing with uncomfortable situations." House said pointedly, his anger seeping back in as he remained in his spot facing her.

"I get it okay…your angry, and I am _so sorry _I didn't just tell you yesterday or call you the moment I figured it out…but…you have to believe that I came back for so _much more _than confronting your illness."

"Pity and guilt are very different from love."

"I know that. And while I may feel guilty for past mistakes, I certainly don't pity you."

"I'm finding that hard to believe at the moment from the way you're looking at me."

"Maybe because it's easier for you to close yourself off again. Hold onto your own anger because I hurt you." She confided, challenging him to keep communicating.

"You seem to be making a habit out of it."

She sighed deeply, "Why didn't you just tell me? All those letters, I don't understand why you didn't trust-"

"Because you left!" He broke in, backing further away from her.

"Yes and I had every right to leave when I did!" The anger she felt that day seeped back in momentarily before she forced herself to remember what they were really talking about.

"I never denied that."

"No, but all this time you had knowledge that-just maybe that horrible day was impacted not only by your jealousy, but by a tumor that-in all likelihood played a significant part on your lack of judgment…and you thought it best to keep _that_ a secret?"

"I thought it best to find another way back to you."

"And you found it." Her tone softened as she inched closer to him. "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

"You're here to feebly attempt to be a champion that I don't want or need."

"I don't understand any of this." She gestured with her hands, her face clouded with bewilderment. "You wrote to me…you came to France because you needed to see me…and I know you love me House…" She nearly whispered, "Why would you make all that effort just to throw up your hands and give up? You accused me of only wanting to be with you after finding out how little time we might have left…I could ask you the same."

"I started writing to you the moment I sobered up and realized that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life without you. That was well before I found out I might be dying. Don't turn this around on me."

"I'm not trying to turn this around. I just wish you would recognize that we are both on the same page. I started listening to my heart well before I ever knew about your illness. You have to trust me."

"You see the irony here is that _I have_ always trusted _you_-"

"Than hold onto that and look at me." Cuddy bridged the gap between then and reached out for his arms, trapping him in her grasp. Her touch was gentle but her voice was full of desperation. "You claim to know everything there is to know about me, and you were right! Don't you see that I'm telling the truth now?" Her eyes filled with tears, and for a moment she saw his face relax from her touch, his eyes focused on hers, she could feel his warm breath on her face, as her eyes pleaded with him to forgive her…believe her…

But it was too much. House shook his head and closed his eyes, needing to break free of her hold on him, needing to think, to analyze; to process the drastic turn of events the night had taken. His thigh muscle was oozing pain, and his heart felt like it had been crushed into millions of pieces; both sensations were unbearable and something he spent most of the last fifteen years numbing to the brink of nothingness. What she was asking was all too soon for him to give; he opened his eyes to her…he could feel her fingers run down his arm and her hand find his.

As soon as he felt her fingertips touch his skin he knew he needed an escape, "I can't do this now." His tone was icy but his heart broke even further when he forced himself to unravel from her touch.

"What do you mean?" She said shakily, but fought the urge to reconnect with him, hold on to him.

"I mean just that." He stated simply, his hand already reaching for the door. "I'm taking a page from your book…I need time."

Cuddy wiped the tears from her cheek and grasped desperately for air to stop herself from crying any further. "If that's what you need-"

"It's what I need." He responded quickly and tore his eyes from hers, not bearing to look at the expression on her face for a moment longer…

And with a soft turn of the handle…he left her alone.

She stood frozen in her spot for what felt like hours, her mind was racing with anything she could have said or done differently, anything that could have made the outcome different…made him believe her.

But for tonight…it was all too late, and she let him walk away.

* * *

><p>Wilson exited the elevator just as he saw the back of his friends head leaving through the sliding doors, alone. He turned his head towards the place he retreated from and began to make his way towards his office door.<p>

He found her standing in the middle of the room, only one small light still remained on; her eyes were fixated to a spot on the floor, seemingly oblivious to everything besides her inner thoughts.

"Cuddy?" He called softly, as he approached her.

Her head adjusted, looking through him at first before she started to gather her senses and focus on her surroundings again.

"Hi." She croaked.

"Went that good, huh?" He asked gently, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah."

"What did he say?"

"I…" She shook her head, "He said he needed time."

Wilson sighed and put a finger under her chin as he watched her start to retreat her focus back to an unmarked spot on the floor. Her eyes glistened with fresh tears as she managed to face him, and he pulled her into a hug, comforting her the best way he knew how, before he pulled away gently and found her eyes. "He will come around."

She nodded mechanically and attempted a small smile to ease his worried face. "Well this was not the ending to our date I was hoping for."

"Isn't that the allure of dating House…his unpredictability?" He quipped slightly, trying to ease her tension.

"I suppose so." She replied with sheer exhaustion, as she crossed the room to grab her coat and purse from the couch.

"Need a ride?"

"Seems that way." Cuddy gingerly put her arms through her coat and tied the belt loosely around her waist.

Wilson walked behind the desk and switched off the lamp, coming back around he grabbed a hold of the door handle, "Come on." He spoke tenderly.

She took a moment and looked around her former office in the darkness, before she obliged, and followed Wilson towards the hospital exit.

* * *

><p>House's phone vibrated in his pocket, and he ignored it instinctually before he remembered Foreman was running the tests on Chase that House had told him too. He placed his cane against the wall by his front door to his apartment, and reached for his cell.<p>

'_He's anemic, all other tests were normal.' _A short text was staring back at him, and for the first time in the last hour, he was grateful that something had gone right.

Shutting off his phone completely he reached immediately for the scotch resting on top of his piano, not bothering to pour it in a glass as he took a strong swig from the bottle instead. The drive home was filled with images of vicodin. His go to vice, his crutch…but somehow he felt stronger than the urge, so he chose alcohol, another vice of his with less of a hold on his soul.

Taking another long sip he placed the scotch back on top of his piano and sat down. His fingers instantly ran over the ivory keys, grazing them, but only lightly, as he tried with all his strength to get the image of her out of his head.

He was angry at his stupidity for not realizing why she showed up the way she did. Appearing on his office doorstep without any warning. He should have known then that her driving force to come back to him was based out of fear, based on guilt, based on her penchant to mother and not solely based on her feelings for him.

He shook his head as the fears that she would never truly love him in a way that would allow their relationship to sustain anything real, clutched onto his heart…

His eyes welling with tears as his fingers began to play…pouring everything he had inside him into the notes he so freely could create without even thinking.

But the only image he could see distinctly through the absolute muddle his mind was trapped inside, was the image of her…an image he knew without a doubt, he would never be able to break free from…

…but for tonight, all he wanted was to be left alone.


	22. Chapter 21

**Happy Sunday! Only a week again...I will try to keep that up ;)**

* * *

><p>She could not find the strength to turn and wave goodbye to Wilson as she unlocked her front door and slipped inside the quiet pitch black of her foyer. Placing her keys on the small table next to her, with more force than she had anticipated, she let out a long rattled breath before she moved any further.<p>

Throwing her jacket next to her keys, she ripped the heels off her feet and allowed her emotions to take over as she made her way to her kitchen. Her feet padded quietly in the stillness of the night on the cold floor beneath. Not daring to turn on any lights as she went, it wasn't until she heard her Mother's voice from the corner of the kitchen did she remember that she was not alone.

"You're back…earlier than I expected." Arlene spoke, her spoon clinking against the side of the glass as she stirred some honey in her tea.

Cuddy was near the brink of tears until she heard her Mother's voice, so she instantly tried to compose herself, hoping her Mom wouldn't be able to see her distraught features in the darkness of the kitchen. She looked to the clock, "Its eleven-thirty Mom. What time did you expect me home exactly?"

"You're grown adults, you've been together before. I just assumed that you would slip back in sometime before Rachel awoke. Try to pretend you slept here."

She sighed, "I told you…we're taking it slow."

"Yes I remember." Arlene reached for a glass and poured her daughter some hot water without asking.

"Thanks." Cuddy spoke softly as Arlene placed a tea bag in the mug and carried them both over to the kitchen table.

She watched her Mother's movements, knowing without question that she had not fooled anyone, and scuffed her bare feet against the floor before she knew she had no other choice than to sit down and talk.

"What happened?"

"How do you immediately know something happened?" She sat down begrudgingly.

"Because I saw the way you looked at each other when you left here…and I heard you slam your keys on the table just now…alone."

"Terrific." Cuddy bounced her tea bag in her glass before she pulled it out and lifted the steaming tea to her lips. "Could we just…not talk? I'm not sure I have it in me."

Her Mother studied her quietly for a moment, "If that's what you want."

She rose abruptly, causing immediate guilt to claim Cuddy, and she was already overloaded on guilt for the evening. "Mom wait…I'm sorry."

Arlene halted her movements and placed her cup on the table, "I have an early train to catch, and Rachel wore me out to the brink of madness… I'm not going to force you into talking if that's not something you need."

"I…don't know what I need." She said honestly, fidgeting in her seat before she found the courage to continue. "House…figured out that…I came back early because I found out about his illness."

Arlene nodded slightly and sat back down across from her, "And?"

"And?" Cuddy furrowed her brow.

"Well he'll get over that."

"I…" Cuddy almost laughed at her Mothers certainty, "It's not that easy, you don't know House."

"Oh give me a break. I know exactly who that meshuga man is. He's a male version of me and, trust me when I say. He _will _get the hell over it."

"This isn't the first time I hurt him like this…I left before, and now he thinks-."

"Yeah, and how many times has he hurt you?" Arlene cut in.

Cuddy looked away; every fiber in her body was aching from the path the night had taken, "Millions."

"It works both ways…love is awful. "

"I realize love is complicated…but…I saw it in his eyes-"

"-What that he was angry, confused? Of course he was. What exactly did you expect?"

"Everything that I got." Cuddy admitted tiredly, "I just wish he believed that…all I want is to have another chance…show him how much I have always loved him."

Arlene studied her daughter, took in her anguish, "When you leave someone…" She paused, looking for the right words, "I know you're intelligent enough to realize that the fear of it happening again can be incredibly overpowering for someone…especially someone as egotistical as him, to trust it won't happen a second time."

"It won't."

"I'm not the one you have to convince of that."

Cuddy remained silent, her exhaustion taking over with each horrible thought that crossed her mind, "You know…on the way home, I realized I didn't even say that I loved him. Maybe I could have stopped him from leaving-"

"Wouldn't have mattered…actions speak louder than words ever could…"

She watched her Mother get up from her seat, as a bolt of familiarity overcame her from those simple words…something House had said almost verbatim the day that they finally were together. Instantly an idea formed in her head, and she rose quickly, "Mom…you're a genius." She half-smiled and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek.

"I always knew you would admit that eventually." Arlene crossed over to place her cup in the sink and padded back over to her daughter, "I assume I helped in some way."

"Yeah…I think you did. See you in the morning." Cuddy whispered with a renewed sense of energy before she disappeared down the hall to her bedroom.

Quietly shutting her door behind her she walked hurriedly to her closet and turned on the overhead light. Up above her clothes were dozens of different shaped and colored boxes, containing miscellaneous items from over the years, and she scanned quickly for one she was almost positive possessed what she was looking for. Finally her eyes made contact with what she needed and she pulled down a large round hat box, careful to not dump the contents on top of her head.

Emerging from her closet she walked to her bed and sat down with the box in tow. She switched on her bedside light and began searching for something that she wasn't even sure she still had. Piles of old notebooks, most of them barely still intact from years past, were pulled out and placed around her on the bed. She knew she had dated most every single one of her journal entries, so she began sifting through, scanning for anything that could have been around the date she was specifically looking for.

It had been a few years since she had kept any sort of journal, the ritual had been forgotten since she became Dean of medicine and no longer had the time, but she knew the kind of girl she used to be; one that always relied on the written word to convey her innermost thoughts when she hadn't the courage to say them aloud.

A small smile flitted across her lips as she pulled out an old black and white speckled journal with the date 1986 written in faint cursive on the cover. As she opened it up on her lap, her fingers instantly began looking for a very specific entry, one that she found almost by instinct as if a part of her remembered exactly where it was.

She read over what she had poured out of her soul decades before and ripped it out quickly, shutting off her light, she hopped down from her bed and made her way back down the hall. Throwing her shoes back on her feet and grabbing her keys, she opened her front door and slipped back into the night…

* * *

><p>House's head was pounding as he woke abruptly from a dreamless alcohol induced sleep from the night before. He shifted on the couch and slowly adjusted his aching leg, lifting his body up with his arms he surveyed the room and began to piece together the night's events. The scotch bottle he had reached for immediately when he arrived home lay empty on the floor. Sheet music was spread haphazardly about, his guitar was upturned next to the coffee table, and he could smell a burnt pot of coffee from the kitchen, as he recollected trying to sober up a few hours prior…before he gave up and laid heavily down on the couch he was resting upon currently.<p>

His eyes adjusted begrudgingly to the sunlight streaming through his side window, and he slowly turned around to look for his cane he thought he remembered placing somewhere by his front door, finding it exactly where he envisioned, he carefully arose and limped over to retrieve it.

It only took him a moment to figure out that there was something resting beside it; his eyes squinting towards the floor. A white piece of paper, folded into a square, sat next to the slit from under his door.

Something out of place…

His fingers brushed hesitantly against the paper once he picked it up, as if it might scald him, his mind raced with possible outcomes, as he tried to process whether or not he was ready to hear anything from her at all. Bringing the paper with him, he made his way to his bedroom and sat carefully down on his bed. His head still pounding he laid back against the pillows, where he planned on spending the remainder of this crappy day, and slowly he opened up to whatever she could possibly have to say…

He noticed how old the paper was instantly, the grain seemed faded and rustled nosily like it had been around for years. Her handwriting was familiar, but not somehow, more juvenile than what he was used to…

_**September 29**__**th**__** 1986 was**_ scrawled boldly across the heading.

He released a long breath, reaching for his glasses on his nightstand, he began to read…

_**Where to begin…**_

_**I'm not exactly sure what to make of anything at the moment. I feel as if my heart was blindsided by a force that I never knew could exist to this unforgettable extent…until last night.**_

_**House.**_

_**He drew me in from the moment I met him…something about his voice, his eyes…but it was more than that. He was challenging, and unabashedly cocky. Qualities that I would normally find off putting, I felt myself falling instantly for…and without any hesitations.**_

_**So I went looking for him, auditing a class I was never really going to take, immediately catching his deep blue eyes as I looked only for him across the crowd of students. Finding it incredibly ironic that I seemed to make him just as wonderfully flustered, as he had me.**_

_**His arrogance diminished instantaneously, something I can deduce was out character for him, fumbling over words, feebly trying to spy on me, too insecure to have any direct conversations.**_

_**He knew where I would be…I made sure he knew. My plan on sitting next to that predictable meathead frat boy and achieving an invitation to his pathetic party, within ear-shot of my secret admirer, played out perfectly…all I had to do was hold onto hope that he would take the bait…**_

_**I dressed only for him, standing in the center of the room, scanning for his handsome face…**_

_**He did not disappoint me. **_

_**We danced for hours. It's crazy, I've never done that with anyone, but it felt unbelievably right…everything about him makes my head spin.**_

_**Talking with him felt as if we had been friends our whole lives, it came naturally, and it came with seductive sparks. Something about him calms me, makes me surrender to my instincts; finally take my carefully orchestrated guard down…**_

_**No one else has ever come close.**_

_**I didn't want to leave his side, that much was undeniable. He is the most incredible man I have ever met…so overwhelming a sensation that I'm not sure I can ever properly give credence to the way it feels in my soul at this very moment. **_

_**I went back to his room, without any reservations, kissing him nearly dissolved me and I wanted more from him…I craved him.**_

_**The same intensity that I felt within myself, I saw emanating from his eyes back at me, and I spent the night utterly enrapt with him…**_

_**Every fiber of my body had to fight to leave this morning. Kiss him on the cheek and place my number on his desk…**_

_**Stopping to look at his sleeping form one final time…**_

_**Knowing in my heart, that…I already loved him.**_

_**Is that even possible?**_

House finished reading silently, his eyes scanned to the last bit of script at the bottom of the page, fresh ink that was smeared before it had time to dry…

_**Tangible Proof…when you're ready.**_

His hands grazed over her words one last time before he folded the paper back up, absently setting it by his side on the bed. His head pounded uncontrollably…and his mind raced with conflicting emotions.

Roughly he smashed the pillow behind his head with his fists, shifting his head back against it, tightly shutting his eyes to the now afternoon sun coming through his blinds.

As much as his heart ached to go to her, to give into the intense sensation of wanting to hold her in his arms after hearing the love she carried for him for half her life…his mind was screaming to remind him of his painful insecurities.

Her words had been spoken about a man that no longer existed; they were innocent, sentimental and honest. But spoken before the last twenty years, before his leg, before the drugs, before life took him down a dark path.

A path where he repeatedly stomped on the love she held for him since that unforgettable night.

They couldn't live in a bubble where the past could be forgotten, years of pain and heartache were always going to be there. Weigh on her soul, take it's ever present toll, and she would run away all over again.

"_Ring…"_

House heard his phone sound softly next to him.

"_Ring…" _He looked to it…

"_Ring…" _ The caller ID read Foreman. Someone neutral, someone that would have a means to distract him from making any decisions, from dwelling on the image of her all day…

"_Ring-" _He answered.

"Tell me you have a case." House reached for the aspirin and stale water to wash down a little hangover relief.

"Uh…I have a case." Foreman hesitated at his boss's unaccustomed eagerness. "Newborn was dumped off in the alley by the emergency room."

"I'll take it."

"You don't even have any details-"

"Only need one…babies can't talk back. See you in half an hour." He hung up abruptly and rose from his bed. Walking instantly over to his bathroom, he started a steamy shower and stripped his crumpled outfit off his body, his carefully ironed slacks fell to the ground, his sky blue button down shirt that he purposely picked because he knew it was her favorite, was removed by his hands…and not hers.

Her letter from decades before lay folded neatly, resting upon a pillow that once belonged to her…

* * *

><p>With only Taub and Foreman as his team members, the rest of the day was spent in and out of the NICU, trying to keep a baby alive with no medical history to go off of, as the newborn's mysterious illness threatened to take her life.<p>

It wasn't until the early hours of the morning did House finally come up with a plausible explanation, leaving Foreman to start the treatment while he attempted to close his eyes in his office for the first time in twenty hours, not having the energy to make it home.

"_House_!" Forman barged into his office dripping with sweat, and exhausted. "Why didn't you answer your page?"

House shook the fuzziness away and opened one eye to his employee. "You look like hell."

"Well maybe because the antibiotics we gave for the infection we thought she had, made her heart stop beating. I just spent the last hour bringing her back, except now we still have no idea what-"

"Then it has to be it myasthenia gravis. It's the only option that fits."

"We ruled that out because her thymus test showed no abnormalities. Not to mention the fact that it's a disease that affects one in three million people."

"Well she's a very _rare_ little dying girl. If we manage to cure her maybe she should play the lottery. We need a muscle biopsy to confirm."

"I don't think you heard the part where I just spent the last hour shocking a newborn back to life. She's not stable enough for anything-"

"Is she stable enough to die, because frankly at this point it comes down to taking the risk or unhooking her now. I'd hate to think that all that sweat was for nothing."

Foreman sighed heavily and wiped the moisture from his brow. "Fine…but I'm not doing anything until you clear it with Wilson."

"Who is in charge here?" House emerged from his recliner and spoke sarcastically as he limped out of his office.

He continued to rub the sleep away from his face gruffly with his hands as he rode down the couple of flights. Having only slept a small amount of hours in a rather uncomfortable position, he was finding it hard to function normally as he blindly turned the knob on Wilson's office and stepped inside.

"I need consent-" He paused…

…And she looked up from her desk.

Cuddy was sitting down facing him, a pen poised in her hand, her laptop open as if time had stood still; and she had never left.

House's mouth gaped open, "My what pointy looking breasts you have today Wilson." He stared at her, not knowing exactly what he was feeling about this new abrupt occurrence.

"All the better to distract you with." She replied casually, mimicking his red riding hood quip. Trying to make him smile…but he only stood stoically still, his eyes revealing that he wasn't ready to forget.

"I thought you weren't coming back yet."

"Well I wasn't, but Rachel wanted to go back to school so…I spent yesterday getting her enrolled and she started this morning…" She fidgeted in her seat, "I figured I might as well put Wilson out of his misery." She weakly offered.

"Well super." House replied robotically, "So I see you are choosing to ignore my request for space."

"I…" She hesitated, "I'm only back to work…I'm not expecting anything-"

"Back to work…and coming over to my apartment to slip secret letters under my door-"

"Did you read it?" She rose up from her desk chair to meet his eyes, but did not move an inch further, knowing he was already poised to flee.

House studied her, his face was drenched in sadness; her words from years ago were still hard for him to swallow, to truly accept as having any relevance to them now. "Yeah…I read it." House swallowed the ache in his chest and immediately had to urge to escape from her beseeching eyes. "Can I be excused?" He gestured towards the door and shifted his cane.

Cuddy sensed his discomfort, sensed he was still processing…and she had already pushed too much just by being there. "What do you need consent for?" She switched to another familiar and less stressful dynamic for them both.

House sighed and squinted his eyes at her, "You know with Wilson, all I had to do was say pretty please."

"Well…Mommy's back, and she needs to be convinced before signing off on anything."

"I just need a small tissue sample from little orphan Annie."

"From where?"

"Her muscle…the bigger the piece the better, but I'll let you pick where from."

"And…you think that's a good idea considering the fact that she nearly died twenty minutes ago."

House furrowed his brow, "I see you already have your little spies in place to check in on me and my team."

Cuddy shook her head, trying to remain calm as he attempted to edge her on. "No…I just happened to be in that ward when she crashed." Cuddy put her pen down that she was fidgeting with on top of her desk and moved a fallen curl from her face. Every part of her wanted to go to him. Make some sort of connection so this uncomfortable stance he was taking would subside…and he would open himself back up to her again. "House…"

"Look, if you want this baby to wind up with a tag on her toe, that's up to you. A biopsy is the only way to confirm that she has myasthenia gravis. And I would hate for your first day back to involve a dead baby on your hands."

"Myasthenia gravis…are you sure—"

"No…not yet." He interrupted sarcastically, holding up the consent form, knowing he said the exact words to get her to cave. "So can I do it…pretty please?" He walked over and offered the page to her, as he saw her waver…biting her bottom lip.

She studied him for longer than he was comfortable with before she broke contact and reached out for the paper. Purposely brushing his fingers with her own, to at least have some small effect on him…remind him of how it felt to touch her skin.

She saw his reaction, his eyes flashed with longing, it was unmistakable, and she signed the consent quickly and held it out for him to take. "There."

House looked away from her searching eyes and quickly grabbed to paper, "Thanks." he mumbled as he turned away, walking to her office door without looking back.

* * *

><p>It was late in the evening before House was able to leave the hospital. The baby's Mother was brought into the ER with slightly different symptoms, causing him to scrap the biopsy and start from scratch. Finally coming up with an infection diagnosis that fit them both, House limped exhaustedly to his motorcycle where he had parked it nearly two days prior.<p>

The drive home was uneventful, but without a case to solve, he felt his anxiety flood back into his mind, that he so blissfully had the chance to ignore for the last day and a half. Having successfully avoided Cuddy for the remainder of the time he spent at the hospital. Although he knew that a part of that was her merely giving him his space, he felt her creep back into his brain the moment he was void of any distractions.

He pulled up, parking in front of the steps leading up to his front door, and grabbed his cane, immediately noticing that he had unwanted company waiting patiently for him with a brown paper bag resting by his side.

"I don't want any girl scout cookies." House spoke as he approached his annoyingly persistent best friend.

"Oh well…you see these cookies have fortunes in them…and some boxes even contain chicken and rice." Wilson rose from the stoop and held up the Chinese food take-out like a ticket to be let inside.

"Fine…" House limped passed him and opened the door, "But only if there are dumplings in one of those boxes."

"Who are you talking too?" Wilson replied with a smile as they both stepped inside House's apartment.

House dropped his body down on the couch heavily and threw his cane on the floor, causing a loud clink to sound around them.

"That good of a day, huh?" Wilson pried open the dumplings and handed them to House.

"Does this Chinese food come with the pretense that we also need to talk?"

"Uh…no." Wilson reached for the orange chicken and chop sticks. "But…"

"Here we go." House said with a mouthful of food.

"I can sense that you perhaps need to get some things off your chest."

"Yeah…you're unbearably annoying." House replied sarcastically. "Oh my God, you're right! I feel much better."

"You see I was thinking more along the lines of what you've been avoiding for the last couple days."

"You mean my hemorrhoids? " House set down his dumplings and grabbed the chicken out of Wilson's fingertips. "Don't worry I picked some medicine up at the drug store on my way home."

"How long are you going to ignore her?"

"Oh it just makes my heart tingle knowing that you two have each other to talk to again." He said vehemently, shoving another bite into his mouth, finding that his stomach was slowly losing interest in any food, as the topic of conversation veered into a territory that he did not want to enter.

"She's my friend."

"Yeah…thanks for giving your _other friend_ the heads up that she was coming back to work by the way."

"Sorry." Wilson replied honestly, "I got caught in a meeting. I was going to tell you."

"Well…it's the thought that counts." House's frustrations were beginning to escalate, as he got up from his couch.

"Wait." Wilson knew he was losing him, "I brought beer too." He offered and reached in the bag, pulling out two bottles of House's favorite.

House sighed and gingerly sat back down, "You trying to butter me up?"

"I'm just…trying to ease your stress."

"Does that mean a hooker is on her way too?"

"Uh…no. I figured you had enough lady problems to handle at the moment." Wilson watched as House popped open both bottle caps against the side of his coffee table. "Thanks." He took a long sip. "You can't ignore her forever." He repeated.

"It's been two days, I don't think that constitutes 'forever'." House swallowed a large amount of beer and set his bottle down.

"Despite how it may appear…she came back to you. Something that you spent the last few months wishing for." He sighed, "You got your wish House."

"Yeah…this is exactly what I wished for. A brain tumor and a woman that couldn't bear to commit to me until she figured out that I'm not sticking around for as long as she originally thought. It's all my dreams come true!" He said mockingly, rubbing his thigh vigorously with his hand.

"I know it's a mess. But you love her…with everything that you are going through…isn't that the only thing that truly matters now?" Wilson shifted and placed his beer upon the table, waiting for House to respond but only to find him unable to meet his eyes, staring at nothing. Seemingly lost in thought.

"House…are you listening?" Wilson asked quietly.

"She doesn't love me enough…if I live through all of this…"

"You can't predict the future…maybe…things will work out."

"Yes. Maybe my ridiculously twisted life will finally work out the way I always dreamed since I was a little girl." He spat back, getting up aggressively from the couch.

"I'm not saying that the world is full of unicorns and fairytales, but you can't ignore the one person you desperately need in your life. And she needs you too House! You are just too angry and scared to truly see what she feels for you."

"Thanks for the Chinese. You can let yourself out." House replied robotically moving towards his bedroom door, trying to avoid talking any further.

Wilson sighed and shook his head. He knew that House had heard enough, and was past the point of listening to what he had to say. So he stayed in his spot, not bothering to press him, and began closing up the boxes of food.

House shut his bedroom door, and leaned his back against it. Hoping that the uneasy conversation would subside so he could continue his pursuit of absolute disregard to anything his heart was aching for. He took a couple calming breaths before he crossed over to his bed.

It wasn't until he rested his head amongst his pillows and turn to his side did he see a familiar old white piece of paper resting exactly where he had left it.

On top of the pillow…her pillow.

Instantly the image of her head laying upon it, looking lovingly at him, like so many times in the past, filled his head without any chance of reprieve. He could see a small smile on her lips, the curve of her addictive body barely hidden under his sheet. Her skin glowing the way it always did…her eyes would sparkle as he ran his fingers softly down her arm.

House shook his head against it, before realizing that all he wanted in that very moment was not a vision of her from a distant memory…he needed so much more…

He rose quickly and opened his bedroom door, hobbling past Wilson as he was positioned to leave himself. "Good work." House spoke as he grabbed his keys and cane off the floor.

"I…okay." Wilson fumbled. "Where are you-"

The sound of the door shutting before he could finish his sentence told him precisely the answer to his question. And he smiled to himself, holding out hope that the two of them could finally figure things out.

* * *

><p>Cuddy shifted uncomfortably in bed, her eyes tightly shut, even though she knew without question that sleep was not going to come to her quite so easily tonight. She had waited up for him…stupidly thinking that he would resolve his fears enough to come to her. Tell her he believed that all she wanted was another chance.<p>

Her eyes welled instantly as she tried to process an alternative outcome, one where he could never give in to her again, and one where they continued to live a part. It was an overwhelming thought, and one that she adamantly pushed away…determined to find some other way back to him…she could never give up.

A soft tapping against her window pane, startled her instantly from her thoughts. She listened carefully as it faded, thinking she had imagined it, she sat up anxiously and waited for it to begin again…

'_Tap…tap…tap…tap' the_ sound was unmistakable now, and her heart leapt as she threw off the covers, knowing without a doubt who it would be.

He was wet from fallen rain, his hair messed against his scalp, but she could see the intensity in his features as she opened up the glass to reveal him fully. Neither of them spoke as they took each other in, Cuddy held her breath, waiting for him to give her a sign as to why he was truly there. She had already pushed him too much…and she was terrified to do it any further…

He stayed locked in her gaze for a long time, his resolve falling around him in pieces as he understood without hesitation that he wanted to feel her against him. He needed her…

"I don't want to take things slow tonight." House spoke in nearly a whisper, his eyes pleading for her to let him in.

She backed slightly away from the window, allowing him the space to climb inside; watching his silent understanding from her simple movement, and his legs slowly find their footing into her dark bedroom.

"Okay." She spoke softly, her heart aching to be swept away by him. It was the only thing that mattered to her now.

And it was only a matter of seconds before she got her wish…

His hands reached out for her instantly, trapping her feverishly against his body. His lips hungrily pressed against hers, in a kiss that pulsated sensationally through her as she wrapped her own arms tightly around his strong back. Their tongues met, kissing each other as if it were the first time they had ever given into the impulse. Cuddy moaned as his lips sent waves of desire shooting through her core, it was all it took to send her to a near climax as she felt his hands grasp her ass, pulling her up to straddle him as he carried her to the bed a few feet away.

He placed her down on top of the rumpled comforter, even though the fire raged within him to take her back into his arms, he wanted to savor the moment. His eyes roamed over her body, taking every inch of her in as he stripped off his jacket, and kicked off his shoes, water fell in droplets from his hair onto the floor beneath his feet.

He watched as she slipped her thin white tank top over her head, her breasts spilling out as she sat up in bed and reached her hand back up to him, pulling his shirt over his head and pressing her skin to his, their eyes connected for a moment before she began to kiss his lips urgently once again.

The taste of her breath sent erotic waves through House as he grabbed the back of her head to devour her lips further, his hands weaved through her raven black curls, and the faint traces of her perfume engulfed him.

He felt her hands move to his belt, unraveling it from its hold without taking her lips from his, her fingers swiftly undoing the button and releasing the zipper before pulling the fabric down his thighs. He could feel her hand press delicately against his scarred limb as he finished what she had started and removed the remainder of his clothing. Her lips began trailing down his neck, pressing against his collarbone…his chest. Leaving delicious wet trails as her tongue tasted his salty skin.

Cuddy raked her nails along his back, while her other hand trailed down his stomach past where her lips were positioned, grabbing a hold of his length that had been tantalizingly pressed up against her body. She encircled him with her hand, hearing his responding moan, as she pressed her lips just below his belly button, lingering there as the taste of his skin was so incredibly comforting and arousing that she knew she could become lost kissing his body for hours. Then she felt his softly grasp her arms, pulling her up to meet his gaze and she paused her actions and gave into what he wanted.

His eyes spoke the words that he thought he could never properly give her as he found himself instantly lost in the depths her stare. His hands came up and cupped her face, he could see her eyes glisten as he leaned into her and placed a soft kiss upon her flushed lips. Pulling back he saw her questioning look, but he only kissed her softly again before her pulled away to study her once more, tracing his fingers tenderly across her cheek.

Cuddy pressed her hands against his, trapping him to her cheeks, sensing his ache, sensing he needed more from her. Slowly she brought his hands from her face and held them between their bodies. She found his eyes with hers, still kneeling in front of him on the bed. "I love you." She whispered, connecting into his eyes so that he could know without any hesitations that _that_ was the ultimate truth. She brought one hand up and caressed his face, "I love you," She whispered once more and placed a kiss upon his lips. "I love you," she spoke against his lips, grazing his mouth just barely before she pulled back to search his eyes.

He stood perfectly still, lost in her words, finally allowing them to enter into his heart... Trust them…His eyes moistened without his consent, but he didn't try to mask them, he needed to let go…and he did…

He engulfed her in a kiss, clinging to her desperately, showing her how strong his love was for her in return. She pulled him down on top of her. His hands found the hem of her underwear and pulled them down swiftly before he settled his body into the intoxicating curve of her own. Her thigh wrapped around him, his hand trailed down the length of her leg, running across her hip, eyes never leaving the depths of hers as he finally entered her.

Their bodies molded together, an undeniably perfect fit, grasping to one another as the waves took over, lost in the sensations…

House found her lips once more as he felt her climax build, his own threatening to spill forward with each thrust; her fingers pulled him even deeper into her, urging him to stay glued along the length of her body. They moaned into each other's mouths, smothering the sounds as their lips crushed permanently together…the waves of desire overtaking them both and the world melted away…

* * *

><p><em><strong>okay so this is my first time writing anything resembling extra descriptive love making...hope I passed the 'smut' test! Tried to keep a modest balance...please let me know if I did it justice...or if it was not enough... :)<strong>_


	23. Chapter 22

**Had an unexpected day off, so I spent it writing!**

**Thank you sooooooo much for every single one of you that left me a review! Its much harder than I thought to write 'smut'...super glad I passed the test!**

**Here's a little more for ya ;)**

* * *

><p>The sun rose slowly in the early dawn sky, streaming in faintly through the open window into the quiet bedroom. The rain had faded from the night before, and the heated glow began to make its way across the bed while two forms slept peacefully intertwined, their hands locked together, her leg draped over his, their noses practically touching as they faced one another…<p>

Perfectly content…

She stirred first, the small light catching her eyelid, waking her slowly, as she felt his fingers wrapped securely around her own; remembering it was House that had reached for her hand only a couple hours before, whispering for her to stay close to him as they fell into a satiated sleep.

She opened her eyes…his face was intimately near, the warmth of his bare legs still pressed delicately against her own felt incredible. She moved only slightly, careful not to wake him as she studied his face, thanking whatever fate and good fortune there was that he was by her side once more. Her heart felt completely open to him…maybe for the first time.

No questions, no reservations clouded her mind as she watched him breathing silently next to her. She trusted him…_this _House_…. _the one who had been with her since the moment she received his first letter. The one she only saw glimpses of in the past…the one she fell in love with at the bookstore…it was always him, he just hid himself away too often, shielding himself from her, just as she shielded herself from him.

He still possessed all the insane qualities that made him who he was, but something inside herself had changed. She stopped looking for him to hurt her, anticipating the moment he would do it again, and she finally allowed her whole heart to trust in him. It felt amazingly freeing, being with him again was more wonderful than she thought possible, and she couldn't wait to surrender to him, love him for the rest of her life without any more uncertainty.

She watched him continue to sleep beside her, taking in the incredibly handsome lines at the corner of his eyes, studying the salt and pepper stubble upon his face; wanting nothing more than to run her fingers over it, touch his partly opened lips with her own. Finally she succumbed, her heart aching to wake up. Not being able to control her impulse any longer, she leaned into him and placed a soft kiss on his lips, lingering in the feel of his mouth on hers before she pulled away to look at him once more…

"I can always feel you watching me." His voice was groggy and soft, and he spoke without opening his eyes, as Cuddy allowed a vibrant smile to cross her lips from his absolute certainty.

"And I you." She spoke as she felt his fingers tighten their hold on her own, felt his lips find hers blindly while his eyes remained shut.

He pulled away slightly finally opening his eyes to stare sleepily at her. "Hi."

"Hi." she whispered.

She could clearly see a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth, his face seemed relaxed, but his body stirred enticingly against her thigh as she felt his arousal awaken further.

Cuddy smile knowingly at him, unraveling her hand from his, she weaved her arm around his back and brought herself as close as possible to his gloriously warm skin, adjusting her leg to reach further around his body. Her fingers came up and ran through his hair, drawing his lips toward her own. Their mouths met, savoring the feel of each other, tongues meeting delicately together as their kiss began to deepen, their bodies pressing even further together with each moment their lips crashed into each other.

House grabbed her tightly, his hands splayed on her back as he rolled her on top of him, deepening their powerful kiss as he felt her lower herself, her hips teasing a bit before she brought herself fully down on him, and with one move they were connected once again. Both their eyes widened simultaneously from the feelings rolling through their bodies as they gave into the wonderfully intimate sensation… something they had been deprived of for far too long. Instantly fitting together perfectly…something that would never fade…

She moved her body slowly at first, flipping her hair so she could place soft kisses along his neck, as she felt his lips began mimicking her own. Leaving glorious wet marks along her collarbone, inching towards a spot he knew she loved the most, finding it without any hesitations, as she softly moaned her pleasure in his ear, biting his earlobe as she began to move her hips faster.

Suddenly she felt herself being moved, his head rose up from the pillow, bringing her with him so she was cradled seductively in his lap on the bed. Her hands wrapped around his neck as his lips came crashing down on hers, and she could feel his climax mimic her own, both of them moaning softly with each move of her hips. His body began to tremor, pushing her over the edge at the same time. Trying her best to muffle her own cries of pleasure she sucked in his bottom lip and allowed the amazing waves to take over…

Their breathing came out in ragged bursts as they both calmed from the alluring storm they woke up to. House fingered a piece of her hair as he remained exactly where he was; not wanting to disconnect from her yet. "Good morning." He said with a sigh, as he ran his fingers down her spine, feeling the sweat that moistened her skin…loving that it was him that put it there.

She didn't dare to move either, she could stay connected with him forever, "Good morning," she said with a small smile, running her hand over the stubble on his face, before kissing him lightly…she couldn't help herself, it felt like a part of her needed to make up for every minute they spent apart.

"Let's do that again." He teased, eliciting a giggle from her.

"I would love nothing more…but Rachel will be up soon…" She shifted to release him from the hold she still had on his body, as she heard him huff in protest. "Aren't I hurting your leg?" She spoke as she felt his arms tighten around her.

"What leg?" House smirked and leaned into kiss her neck one final time before he allowed her to remove her body from his. She inched carefully away and reached for her robe draped at the foot of the bed, "Can't we finally have naked Sunday?" He whined, watching with discern as she tied the sash on her robe, hiding her body behind it.

She smiled widely, "Not today…but I believe I can arrange for some alone time soon. Maybe we can have 'naked weekend' instead." She huskily replied, coming back over to him on the side of the bed.

"Oh…you do love me." He spoke teasingly, but with incredible sincerity that Cuddy noticed immediately as she placed his boxers in his lap.

"Yes I do." Standing in front of him as he remained seated she brought her hand up to his face and saw his eyes flutter closed as she traced his lips with her thumb, "And you love me." She replied softly.

He opened his eyes and locked into hers, "Yes I do." He spoke without a moment's pause, watching as a smile once again graced her beautiful face.

House couldn't help himself and brought his hand up to her waist, deftly untying the sash from her robe without asking for permission, as her body was unwrapped in front of him. He leaned into her, his hands reaching around delicately and pulling her closer so his lips could began caressing her stomach. He moved his mouth further up her body and began to kiss her skin just below her breasts, his tongue moving teasingly closer to her most sensitive spot; her fingers raked through his hair.

"I did not properly get to say hello to these this morning." He spoke against her, his tongue flicking out to taste her salty flesh. As soon as he connected to his ultimate obsession, he heard her moan with delight, before she gently grabbed his head a pulled him away.

He saw her glance to the clock before she turned her gaze longingly back to him, "Well I think we have at least fifteen more minutes…" She bit her lip, causing House to nearly melt from her simple movement. "Maybe we can continue this in the shower?" She raised her eyebrow teasingly before she brought her hands up and removed the soft fabric from her body, not bothering to wait for a response as she turned away and walked towards the bathroom.

House took a moment to gather himself before he thought his legs would work properly. He shifted upright and walked towards the sound of running water, his insecurities stripping away with each new moment he was happily surrounded by her.

* * *

><p>House wrapped a towel around his abdomen and pulled out the drawer he knew held her toothbrushes, hoping that she was still anal enough to keep spares for him to cleanse his mouth with; thinking it best not to irk her first thing in the morning by using hers.<p>

He smiled to himself as the contents inside were revealed to him, she didn't have a new toothbrush for him to open, but his old one. Distinctly marked with his name still written faintly on the side, recalling when he wrote it as a joke for her benefit before placing it in that same drawer…a memento she kept of him. She never let go of him completely…a little secret that made his soul fill with peace, another reminder of how lucky he was to have another chance at happiness.

House finished cleaning up and made his way to the bedroom only to find it empty, her door slightly ajar, signaling Rachel was probably awake, and he began to survey the floor for his crumpled garments, not having another choice but to put them on.

She mutely entered the room, watching him ardently as his towel dropped to the floor and he slipped on his boxers. "Bottom drawer." She spoke softly, standing in the center of the room with a slight bit of guilt in her features.

He looked to her with confusion, "Is that code for sex or-"

"No," she rolled her eyes, "Your clothes…there are some still in the bottom drawer I gave to you…before…" She admitted carefully.

House's eyebrows immediately rose, and a knowing smile formed in the corner of his mouth. "So my toothbrush…_and _my drawer remained untouched. Beats the vision I had of you holding a bonfire while cursing my name to the gates of hell." He teased as he walked towards the drawer in question.

"I…was out of town." Cuddy defended.

"Yeah…and the couple months before that?" House grabbed out a full clean set of clothes, glancing to the door to check for Rachel before he switched his boxers to the clean ones. "Just admit you were pining for me."

"Oh shut-up." She shook her head, biting back a guilty grin.

"Hey it's okay to come clean here, I'm not one to judge."

"Well at least my pining serves a purpose now…maybe you don't have to rush off so quickly?" Her voice trailed off at the end, as she looked questioningly up to him, watching him slip his shirt over his head.

"Is that what you want?"

"Of course it is." She spoke with quiet honesty, "If…if that is something that you-look I know I'm the one that said that we should take things slow, and ultimately maybe that is the best idea for us…but right now…all I know is…I don't want you to leave."

House studied her as she confessed her need, listening as the most beautiful women he had ever been with openly shared her longing for him. Everything about her in that moment was stunning. Her hair hung in loose curls down her shoulders, still damp from their shower, her body dressed in a soft black shirt and jeans, and her face remained free from makeup that only hid away the intoxicating freckles that speckled her cheeks.

"What about Rachel?" He found his voice.

"We can say…you came by for breakfast." She looked to him, his body moving towards her while she spoke, coming close enough to touch her. His eyes sparkled down at her, as the sound of his shoes hitting the floor beside her bare feet echoed in the room, proof that he wasn't going anywhere. Her heart overflowed, "I'll take that as a yes."

"Well it's hard to refuse when you look at me like that." House watched her tilt her head with a smile before she gently tugged on his shirt, leaning up on her toes to place a luscious kiss on his lips.

"_Mommy…" _Rachel's muffled bellows sounded through her bedroom door, as Cuddy placed her feet flat against the floor and achingly broke free from their kiss.

"Meet me at the front door in five." He spoke as he reached for his discarded sneakers, crossing to the bed to quickly put them on. He grabbed his cane and came back over to her, cupping her cheek in the palm of his hand, he placed a kiss on her lips before pulling away with a grin, bringing his hand down he reached around and squeezed her magnificent ass. Bringing her body close against his, he gave her one final kiss on the neck and released her, slipping confidently through the open window, this time shutting it behind him.

Cuddy's heart was bursting with pleasure as she walked down the hallway. She opened Rachel's door with a smile still resting upon her lips, incredibly elated to have the chance to spend the morning with the two people she loved the most.

"Hi Mommy." Rachel smiled delightfully back as she bounced up and down on her bed before she remembered the rules. Instead she leapt into Cuddy's arms, and wrapped her body around her like a monkey.

"Well good morning. Seems like somebody has been awake for awhile now." She looked about the room as she spoke, surveying the cluster of stuffed animals sitting on the couch where they had not been the night before.

"Uh-huh." She beamed, "Housie and Lisa wanted to play school. Can I goes to school today too?"

"It's Sunday Rachel, schools are closed."

'_Knock…knock…knock.' _

Cuddy gave Rachel a smile as she placed her on the bed to see her face, "But I think that might be somebody to see you, right now."

Rachel raised both eyebrows as her eyes bulged, "Who is it?"

"Well I don't know…maybe you should go ask." Cuddy raised her eyebrows too, playing along as Rachel scooted off the bed and flew down the hallway.

"Who is it?" She bellowed at the large wood door separating her from her special guest.

"Telegram." House replied.

"Huh?" Rachel shouted back.

"Beetlejuice." Cuddy heard him tease further before Rachel surprised her by jumping up and down as if that were their secret code.

"House!" She exclaimed while clawing to unlock the door that she could clearly not accomplish on her own.

"How did you know-" Cuddy looked at her fiery daughter as the answer to her question popped into her head. She opened the door widely to him, "You let her watch Beetlejuice?" She spoke to him with a shake of her head.

"What? Who said that?" House looked behind him for an imaginary person to blame, stepping inside to close the door.

Cuddy rolled her eyes and watched as her daughter wrapped her body around his good leg, squeezing him with her eyes tightly shut as he placed a hand on top of her small head.

"Good morning tiny Cuddy."

"Are you here for breakfast?" Rachel pulled back from her death grip on his thigh to ask loudly.

"Yep. What are we having older and wiser Cuddy?"

"Oh…I thought you said you were coming over this morning so that Rachel could help _you _make pancakes." Cuddy said slowly only daring to look at Rachel.

"Yay!" Her daughter squealed and disappeared to the kitchen, the scraping sound of a chair was instantly heard scuffing up the floor faintly from her direction.

She could feel his gaze bore into her and she instantly saw a perturbed look on his face as she turned her eyes to him. "That…was for letting her watch Beetlejuice." She smirked.

"Oh no! You said his name a third time." He widened his eyes, covering his mouth with his hand, and Cuddy laughed out loud despite herself.

"_House…House…House…House…"_ Rachel began singing an impromptu theme song in a high pitched squeal in order to draw him into the kitchen.

House ignored the song, and studied the love of his life as she formed a fake innocent expression, which was actually immensely sexy he thought. Not that he was going to enable her behavior by confessing that. "You know this means war right?" He spoke mischievously, walking past her towards the kitchen.

"Have fun," she called sweetly, "Rachel make sure House shows you how he can make Mickey Mouse pancakes." She showed no fear.

House stopped in his tracks at the edge of the kitchen and turned back to her. He squinted challengingly, "Game on Mister."

"House let's make _Mickey Mouses_!" Rachel stood up on her chair and looked out of the kitchen at both of them.

He sighed and turned towards Rachel, "Better yet, how about ones shaped like bowling balls." Cuddy heard House suggest as she turned around with a grin and began to set the table.

"But those is just still circles." Rachel figured out logically, not falling for it.

"Well you can poke your fingers through it to make the holes on top. Then it would really look like a bowling ball."

She heard her daughter gasp in delight, "Can I eat it offs my fingers too."

"Sure! But make sure it's covered first in extra syrup. Don't worry your Mommy won't mind."

He made sure to say that loud enough for Cuddy to hear, and she knew full well that payback would certainly come to bite her in the ass…but it was totally worth it.

* * *

><p>House cleared the dishes from a particularly messy breakfast as Cuddy went to answer the telephone. He could hear Rachel's morning cartoons from the family room as he sat back down at the dining room table and sipped his coffee.<p>

During breakfast he tried to stay in the moment. Willing himself not to stare at the wall across from him that still remained unpainted from the horrible mistake he had made. It was the only reminder left, very few bits and pieces remained in his memory, and at this point he wasn't even sure if he held actual facts, or only fabricated visions from his drug addled experience.

He took another sip of coffee as footsteps approached, his eyes still unable to break contact from dwelling on his biggest regret. She saw him staring and followed his line of sight as she sat down next to him.

"Stop." She whispered, watching as he turned his head and looked at her with sadness on his face. "Don't go back there."

"You can't tell me that you will ever forget…that." He spoke solemnly.

Cuddy looked to the wall, wishing she had some magical response that would make all the hurt go away forever. "You're right. Some things…are unforgettable. Like the day I left you…" she whispered looking back to him with the same pain he was feeling, "I wish I could take that hurt away from you too."

"I deserved-"

"No you didn't." She shook her head, speaking with absolute certainty, not bearing to allow him to think that way any longer. "We can't keep doing this…" She reached out and brushed the tips of her fingers against his resting on the table.

House looked to their hands, watching as she delicately grazed his skin. He didn't know what to say, but he knew without question that he never wanted her to stop touching him again.

"An occasionally wise man once told me that people don't change but…sometimes things happen in our lives…forcing perspectives to change." Cuddy leaned forward and laced her fingers in his, forcing him to look into her eyes.

"That man sounds smart…should I be jealous?" He replied, allowing some of the tension he had been holding on to fall away from him. Remembering how he said that to her thousands of miles from where they were standing, only a month before.

"Perhaps." She slyly smiled, "I do have a type."

A small smile appeared across his face as he looked into her eyes, their hands still clasped together on the table. "Was that your sister on the phone?"

"How did you know-?"

"By the way you retreated to your bedroom so she wouldn't hear my voice…haven't told her the gimpy maniac is back in the picture yet?" His thumb caressed her hand as he spoke.

"I just…didn't have the energy for _that _conversation with her at the moment. I'm not trying to hide you."

"I know."

"But…" She studied him with apprehension. "I forgot that she's on her way to pick Rachel up for the afternoon…she is going to an ice skating show with her cousins. I'm actually…supposed to go with them…I forgot."

"I'll go." He spoke softly. He squeezed her hand one last time before he broke contact and stood up from his chair.

"I'm sorry…with everything happening between us…it slipped my mind. I can get out of it." She mimicked his movement and stood to face him, wanting nothing more than to spend the day curled up alongside him.

"It's okay," He reassured, trying to sound convincing, trying to allow time for their relationship to grow, trying with all his might to remember to take things slow…"Spend the day where you're supposed to."

She nodded slowly, knowing he was right. She stepped closer to him, placing her palms against his chest, aching to be held by him. She held his gaze before she moved her hands along his body and pulled him onto a hug, one that she could stay wrapped in for eternity. She tickled the back of his neck with her fingers, breathed him into her, trying to hold onto a part of him to get her through the day, till she saw him again.

He encircled her small frame willingly, burying his face in her dark hair, chanting to himself that he would survive the day without her. He pulled back and pressed his forehead to hers, leaning into her one final time before he forced himself to disconnect.

She watched as he reached for his cane leaning against the wall, and she watched as he limped towards Rachel in the family room, "See you later kid. Nice job on the pancakes." He stretched his hand out for a fist bump that he taught her at breakfast, something she had thoroughly enjoyed learning, especially with sticky fingers.

"Why are you's going?" Cuddy watched Rachel's face fill with sadness as she learned of his departure. She leaned against the wall in the foyer and watched their interaction.

"Cause _you_ are being dragged to some girlie skating show. Make sure you laugh and cheer when they fall on their skinny behinds okay." House teased, as Cuddy tried not to laugh at his juvenile suggestion.

"I will!" Rachel exclaimed and reached up her hand to fist bump her co-conspirator happily.

House shifted his cane and turned back towards Cuddy, edging to the door, before his heart no longer had the strength to allow him to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow." House spoke softly with his hand on the doorknob.

She stopped him, placing her hand on his upper arm she looked back towards Rachel to make sure she wasn't looking, wanting to ease their relationship slowly back into her life before kissing in front of her daughter. Leaning into him one final time, her lips sought his, lingering in a goodbye kiss that sent chills through her core.

House broke away from her lips, allowing his finger to tickle the soft skin on her neck before he dropped his hand to his side, "Thank you.

"For what?"

"For opening your window."

"Thank you for knocking."

He half-smiled, opening the door wide he stepped into the crisp morning air, "Oh I almost forgot…" He leaned back inside, "Rachel you're Mom just told me that after the lame ice show, you guys get to go eat at Chuck E Cheese!"

"_Really_? " Rachel screamed with joy, running out still clad in her pajamas to smile up at her Mom.

"That was for the Mickey Mouses." House blurted rapidly, smirking wickedly before he shut the door behind him, walking down her front steps practically singing to himself like an idiot, barely using his cane at all…

* * *

><p>The sun was setting on a day that started off like a dream. Waking up to the feeling of her skin against his own, their bodies wonderfully tangled…her confessions of love he could still feel sounding against his lips even in his dreams.<p>

House watched from his spot on the couch as the shadows overtook his apartment, his television barely sounded in front of him as he reached for the remote to turn it off. He had tried many things to distract himself from pining for her all day. Even calling Wilson only to find that he was busy with his own love life, irking House a bit before he realized that was all he wanted to do with his day too.

So he grabbed his keys and went out. Stopping for pizza before he went over to 'check' on Chase, trying to come up with an excuse that would make him seem less like a pathetic loner, but only to discover he couldn't come up with anything.

Thirteen had answered, something House on any normal clear headed day would have anticipated. She smiled at him and swung the door wide, allowing him to come in without expecting any sort of explanations, of which House was thankful for.

So he spent an hour with his two employees. People that had ultimately become his friends, people that he had grown to need in his life…something he was slowly allowing himself to enjoy. He kept up the pretense and checked up on Chases arm and concussion before letting them alone, making his way back to his apartment, where he sat currently, once again at a loss for a proper distraction.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the leather; images of her face swam in his head as he attempted to fall asleep, hoping that at least in his dreams he would get to spend the evening with her.

It felt like hours had gone by before he opened his eyes back up, sleep still evading him no matter how hard he tried. He looked to the clock and then discovered it had only been twenty minutes since he began to feign sleep.

'That's it! ' His mind screamed. Not being able to take it anymore he pushed himself up, grabbing his cane and keys without missing a beat, pulling his arms through his jacket he opened his door widely and stepped into his hallway, and into the path of the object of his desired destination coming towards him.

"Guess we had the same idea." She lightly spoke, her eyes twinkling as she took him in.

He let out a contented sigh, "Well that was easier than I anticipated…where's Rachel?"

"I talked Julia into watching her…I told her I was coming to see you."

"I thought you weren't ready for that."

"Figured I would just get it over with…painfully rip off the band aid."

"I'm assuming she took it well."

"It doesn't matter." She stepped closer to him. "She still agreed to baby-sit."

"For the whole night?"

"Uh-huh." she bit her lip, feeling absolutely exhilarated at the thought of spending the evening with him.

"Is that food I smell…or are you trying out a new perfume?" He teased, seeing perfectly clear that she was holding a bag of food in her left hand.

"It's a four course meal." She held it up between them, "Donatello's cooks much faster than I ever could."

"Oh sorry…if only you had come earlier, I already had pizza with my girlfriends."

"Let me guess…you crashed in on Wilson and his date?"

"No." House defended, "My most attractive friends."

"How is Chase?"

"He's fine." House gave in.

She smirked, "See the thing is, I would have been here sooner but someone suggested to my overly excitable daughter that she was allowed to consume horrific pizza from a place with an oversized rat as a mascot."

"It's a mouse."

"Sure…next time I'm dragging you with us. I know for a fact Rachel will bug me for the rest of her life to take her there again, I think it cost me twenty dollars for her to win a purple plastic ring and a tootsie roll.

"Oh come on. Admit you liked it. I happen to know that ski-ball is my lady's favorite game of all time, I believe those were your precise words…are you going to really deny that you at least had a _little_ fun."

She bit her bottom lip from smiling, "Are you going to let me in, or do I have to find some other annoyingly handsome man to share this with."

House silently grabbed the food from her fingers and backed into his apartment, his eyes never leaving hers as she followed him inside, the door softly closing behind her, tucking them away for the night.


	24. Chapter 23

**Happy Halloween...a little later than I had planned, but between carving pumpkins and celebrating my birthday, writing got away from me. Sorry! Hope this Chapter makes up for it :) Your reviews were so incredibly encouraging for my last two chapters and I hope I can continue to re-create those moments for you...**

* * *

><p>"I <em>did not<em>."

"Who has the photographic memory here?"

"The same person that loves to embellish the truth." Cuddy spoke assuredly. "I remember exactly what happened and all I said was that he was an idiot for nearly hitting us both with his car."

"You called him a lot more than an idiot. Almost got me killed defending your honor. Next time pick a fight with a guy that does not look like Mister T's homicidal brother."

"You were very brave." She laughed, as the memories of the particular date in question filtered through her mind.

"That was a fun night though…despite almost being beheaded."

"Yes it was…and I would hope that your 'photographic memory' also recalls me making it up to you...I don't remember you being all that upset with me once we got home."

"You're right. It _was_ totally worth it. Almost as if I planned the whole thing to get you to do naughty things to me later, but that does sound rather calculating..."

"I would have done those things anyway. All you have to do is ask nicely. "

House swallowed a bite of food, practically drooling from her teasingly husky reply. "That's why you're my woman."

"I remember you looking particularly handsome that night."

"I can put on that leather jacket right now if you want. I always knew it got you hot."

"I know. That's why you always wear it."

He looked to her as she wittingly smiled at him, allowing only a sly grin to form on his mouth in response before he reached in the take-out bag and pulled out some bread, dipping it in his pasta sauce before taking a bite.

"Is that the last roll?"

Swallowing hurriedly, he turned to her, "Uh…no," He lied, watching as her lips formed a small pout, his body stirring in response as he pictured kissing that frown right off her mouth.

He stared down to the piece of bread cradled in his hand and placed his carton of pasta on the coffee table before glancing back to her. She was sitting facing him, her back resting against the pillows at the end of the couch, her toes tucked under his thigh to keep her shoeless feet warm as they ate together contentedly.

House knew he could stay that way for hours. Talking with her, watching her every move, making up for all the time he spent without her…when she kept herself painfully out of his reach.

When she was away, it had been the first time in over a decade he was not able to see her face every day, and sitting with her now made him wonder how he even survived the last nine months. Everything about her filled him up; it took losing her to realize how much he truly loved her, that his life was only worth living if he was graced to spend it with her...

House reached for her legs and brought them over his thighs, shifting his body so she was practically sitting on his lap, he held the remainder of the roll silently up to her mouth.

Cuddy felt immediately enflamed as he drew her near to him, taking a bite of the buttery bread from his offered hand; she savored the morsel, watching with glee as his hunger for her flashed boldly in his eyes, the same insane hunger that she felt within herself every new moment she spent with him.

"Thank you." She murmured.

"Anytime…if I knew feeding you would be this erotic, I would have started twenty minutes ago."

"Well…there's always desert." She teased as she tore another piece of bread from his fingers and popped it in her mouth without asking.

"Don't tease me."

"I'm not. I did say I brought over a four course meal, remember…" She gestured slightly with her head for him to check the bag resting on the table, her eyes dancing with delight as he reached inside and pulled out the last white carton.

House opened it up to reveal a large brownie with two small containers resting next to it, "Is that hot fudge?"

"I believe so…and the one next to it should contain a little whipped cream." She answered evocatively, already knowing exactly what he was thinking, and shifted herself so she could place her food on the coffee table before she turned her gaze back to him. "I am a bit full so…maybe we can find another use for this desert." She leaned in and practically whispered in his ear, grazing his neck with her lips before she moved her legs off his thighs and stood up in front of him; her hand stretched out for House to take.

"Meet me in the bedroom." He commanded, rising from the couch, "What's hot fudge if it's not hot."

He reached up and ran his hand teasingly down her chest, hooking his finger in the low neckline of her shirt before he just barely grazed the tops of her voluptuous breasts. "You're clothing is not permitted."

"Neither is yours. " A sexy smile crossed her lips before she turned away from him and retreated down the hall. His eyes fixated on her hips as she walked away, nearly dissolving as he saw her remove her shirt and bra while she moved, littering his hallway with wonderful traces of her.

* * *

><p>"Holy-"<p>

"Yeah." House finished for her, his breathing deeply labored. Her body was draped on top of his; her face buried in the crook of his neck. He ran his fingers slowly through her hair, gathering it in his hands so he could see her face.

She lifted her body up off of him slightly; her core pulsated beyond belief as she looked into his eyes. "I'm pretty sure we spilled some chocolate syrup on these sheets." She leaned in and kissed him, lingering in the feel of his lips pressed with hers, a feeling that she would never grow tired of.

"Well then I guess our bodies will smell like cocoa tonight. The blankets will be like a Willy Wonka sex cocoon."

"I'll take that as your way of suggesting we stay right here for the rest of the evening." Her eyebrows raised knowingly as she pushed herself off his body, finding his shirt crumpled next to her side, she reached to put it on.

House propped himself up by his arms, watching her body disappear behind the fabric as she buttoned up his shirt. "If you already know my plans, where may I ask are you going?"

"To the bathroom. I promise to return to our chocolate haven very soon." She smiled at him as she brought her lips back to his, her hand grabbed the back of his head, kissing him intensely one last time before she got up completely. "Maybe you can get us some water." She spoke as she disappeared to the bathroom.

House reached for his boxers and threw them on, getting out of bed he carefully made his way over to retrieve his robe, putting it on as he went to down the dark hallway.

Opening up his refrigerator he pulled out two bottles of water and set them on the counter, then unlatched the cabinet and brought down the ibuprofen. Quickly popping three in his mouth before placing it back where it came from. A dull headache had been torturing him off and on all afternoon, and he couldn't take the irritation anymore, especially when he had a whole night ahead of him spent with her wrapped around his body…

She was just exiting the bathroom as he walked back into the room. "Thank you."

He handed her a bottle. "You're welcome. Need to keep you hydrated for the evening's main event."

"That wasn't it ten minutes ago?"

"Opening act." He spoke lowly, as they both crossed to the bed and sat back down. House leaned his back against the pillows, his legs stretched in front of him, as she sat facing him with her legs crossed on top of the comforter.

"Well it's going to be a tough one to beat." Her arms stretched above her head, her body still hummed languidly from their last encounter. "Might need an intermission though, unless we want to break each other."

"That's why I brought this." House pulled out a deck of cards he had grabbed on his way back from the kitchen.

Her face brightened, "What's your game?"

"Hold Em…the chips are under your side of the bed." He replied, staring at her magnificently bare thighs as she climbed out of bed and vanished from sight for a moment before returning with a silver case of poker chips.

"Look what I found." She pulled out a torn white piece of paper from inside the case, "An '_I owe you' _from the last time we played. Looks like someone never paid up." She waved it a little with a grin on her face.

"How do you know it's not your '_I owe you' _to me? Cause the promise to perform oral sex can go either way."

"Because this paper says the debt owed is…_One peaceful week at work. Where House will do as told, without sneaking, cheating, or pranking his boss into bending to his annoyingly persistent will_."

"I paid that debt."

"You did not." Cuddy retorted; dividing up the chips as House shuffled.

"Fine double or nothing…but you have to offer up something if I win." House dealt them each two cards face down.

"And what does you wicked brain think that should be?"

"Hmmm…so many things come to mind." They both threw chips in the middle at the same time to ante up before House turned up three cards in between them. "How about three work place sexual rendezvous, and I get to cash in at anytime. I sure do miss throwing you on top of your desk."

She studied him and his devilish expression, "Fine…but nothing on top of _any_ desk unless we happened to both be stuck late at work…and _not_ in Wilson's office again. He'll never forgive us." She put two chips in the middle. "I bet ten."

"Call." He flipped another card up.

"Check."

"Chickening out already I see…you always waiver on the second bet."

"Not always"

"I'll check too."

"Chicken."

The last card was turned up causing Cuddy to have an Inside Straight. "I'll bet…fifteen."

House carefully examined her for tells of her famous stone cold bluffs. "Got the Straight huh?"

"Hmmm…I don't know…what's a Straight again?"

"I'm out."

She gathered her small winnings and shuffled the deck. Her fingers going through the motions as her mind wandered fondly to her memories from when they were together before. They never had a problem talking like this, their playful banter and years of a sexually charged friendship only became more wonderfully heightened as they transitioned to become a couple. It was intimately familiar, and something she had missed so incredibly much. "You bet first." She gestured.

"Twenty."

"Wow…keep betting that high and this game will be done very soon. I would hate for you to have to start repaying _two weeks' _worth of consecutive model behavior first thing in the morning." They continued to bet and play as the talked. "I'm sure you would much rather reinitiate me back to work tomorrow with one of your dastardly schemes."

"Who says I'm coming to work tomorrow?"

"Funny."

"Besides I'm not going to lose." He laid down his hand showing a Full House, confidently smirking at her.

"Nice hand…to bad I have Four Twos." She turned her cards around in her fingers, showing her Pocket Twos with a sly smile.

"Cheater." House shook his head.

"Uh-huh…you keep telling yourself that."

"I will. You keep bending over in my shirt like…what you're doing right now…and Patty and Selma distract me with their blinding high beams." He gestured, causing her to follow his line of sight momentarily; her eyes looking back to him with a silent sense of accomplishment. "A dastardly scheme if I ever saw one. I can't read your poker face if I'm mesmerized by your cleavage."

She picked up her newly dealt cards and placed two chips in the pile. "Well…I learned my evil scheming from the master himself."

"Damn overachiever."

She laughed deeply, "I raise twenty."

"Really? See now you're just messing with me. Either that or you must have some satanic pixie card magic with you tonight." He threw his chips in and a raise, with a challenge on his face.

Cuddy knew he saw directly through her stone cold bluff this time and shook her head defeated, placing her cards face down in front of her lap. "Just take it."

He smirked and raked in his winnings while she shuffled and dealt once more. "Looks like I'm on my way to being a charmingly handsome pain in your ass employee in the morning…or whenever I come in next."

"Games not over yet. I still might have two weeks of pure bliss in my future." She teased.

"So while we're on the subject…you want to tell me the real reason why you came back to work a week earlier than you originally planned."

His question caused her to hesitate a moment, "I...already told you. Rachel has this weird obsession with school…since France…I know she's missing the friends she made and-"

"That's not a reason. You still could have taken some more time for yourself…you seemed convinced that was what you needed when you came to my office a few days ago."

"I changed my mind." She flipped up her cards, "I have Two Pair."

"You're evading my question. God I _have_ rubbed off on you." He showed his cards, revealing he bested her once more and grabbed his chips.

"What do you want to know?"

"I think I already know what you're feeling…just thought it might help…if you talked about it."

She held his eyes and let out a tired sigh, "I just…as soon as I started to think about the idea of returning to work…I realized that…I don't want to come back." She practically whispered.

"And so you thought diving back in would alleviate your anxiety."

"Something like that…when I was away…being in that ER, working with children…it made me feel like I was making a difference again."

"You will always make a difference."

"Thank you." His gentle sincerity instantly calmed her.

"But…you don't have to be the Dean of Medicine."

"I…don't know what I want yet."

"Yeah." He dealt a new game and flipped up three cards, "Well…until you decide, I will personally make sure that every day you spend at work will be filled with something adventurous…you know…to hold your interest."

"So chivalrous of you." She smirked and looked to her cards as House checked his bet. "I will bet ten."

"Oh here we go again." He matched it, flipping up the fourth card. "I'll Check…but wait let me guess, you're betting ten. "

"Fifteen." Her chips tossed colorfully into the growing pile.

House didn't even flinch as he tossed in his chips. "Somebody have Pocket Aces?" He squinted his eyes.

She arched her brow, silently smirking over to him, "Just deal the last card."

"Yes mistress." He turned over an Ace and stared at it for a moment, "Check." Their eyes glued to one another as they both watched for tells.

"All in."

His head tilted, "You sure you want to do that. I think I have more chips than you."

"In or out?" She replied sweetly, trying to keep her face free of any revealing expression he might be watching for.

"I'll call."

Cuddy smiled and turned over her hand, showing two Aces just as he had predicted, "Full House, Aces over Kings."

"Ouch…would suck if I beat that Full House of yours with…my very own Four of a Kind." He gingerly placed his two Kings in front of him, showing four of them in a row.

"You bastard." She laughed and tossed her cards into the chip mound in the middle.

"So glad I won that…didn't think I could make it through _two weeks _of exhaustive niceties without imploding." He leaned over the mass of chips and cards and found her hand, pulling her across the bed with him as she molded her body along his side. "At least your debt is something we can both enjoy." He spoke as he grabbed her thigh and pulled it higher across his body cupping her ass as she began to run her fingers across his bare skin.

She parted his robe further and toyed with the tiny hairs on his chest, her hands disappearing under the terrycloth. "I will wait patiently for you to come collect your prize." She mumbled, smiling against him.

House tightened his hold on her and pulled her up slightly so her face met his, "I think we need to get a little more practice in first."

"I don't know…we're already pretty good at it." She murmured enticingly close to him, placing her index finger on his bottom lip, she ran it over the smooth skin for a moment before she replaced her finger with her mouth.

She lavished him with delicate kisses, her tongue softly tasting his lips, forcing a shudder through House's whole body as she continued to kiss him like no other women had ever come close to recreating. His hand went back to her ass squeezing her against his aching need, flipping her around so he was laying on top of her, their kiss breaking apart as they caught their breath…only needing a moment before their lips entangled once more.

House's hands ran up her thigh as she pressed it against his side, reaching in between their bodies he deftly unbuttoned his shirt she wore sexily beneath him. The final button unclasped he pushed himself up on his elbow and parted the shirt, revealing her painfully beautiful breasts. Immediately his fingers roamed over her, eliciting a tantalizing moan as his hands brushed her chest, trailing lower…teasing every sensitive spot on her body before his lips descended upon her satin skin.

He ran his tongue across her stomach, loving the fact that she was already free of underwear; slinking down her body further until he made contact with his most favorite spot; her back arched immediately, biting her bottom lip, feebly trying to keep herself from screaming with desire. She reached for him, not wanting to wait a second longer to feel him inside her. Pulling his head back up to her face, she instantly got her wish as he descended upon her.

The tie on his robe was undone by her nimble hands as he slowly linked with her. Endowing her with kisses, swallowing her moans, trapping her lips in his, nibbling her mouth as their bodies began to move in perfect rhythm…

He found her hands and brought them over her head with his own. Pressing them against the mattress. Their eyes opened to each other, locking in as the waves began to rock their writhing bodies…no longer censoring their moans they were swallowed up with each other once more…

* * *

><p>His robe was loosely hanging from her body, her head leaned upon his shoulder as they sat upright against the headboard. In the bed they hadn't left in hours. The television softly glowed in the dim bedroom as Fred Astaire danced across the screen in front of them. House reached for her hand resting on her lap and laced his fingers in hers. "Actually…that was my first time."<p>

"You're kidding?" She lifted her head to meet his eyes. "I thought you had been there before."

"Nope…that was officially my first time to the land of cigarettes and superiority complexes. Unless you count having sex with French hookers as having enjoyed what the country has to offer."

"I can't believe it…and you didn't get to see a single thing."

"I got to see all that I came for."

"You mean two horribly pale vomiting girls and the inside of an emergency room."

"Yep. Felt like home. I'm just glad you had better aim with your vomit than Rachel did. I saw what came out of you…I was surprised your head didn't pop off into the toilet."

"Shut-up. " She squeezed his hand in hers playfully and leaned her head back upon his shoulder, inching closer along his side, gazing back to the movie. "You were still the one trying to kiss me all weekend…even though I looked absolutely horrible."

"Well you're always kissable."

Her head lifted up once more, her eyes longingly looked to him. A smile flitted across her lips before she leaned into him, kissing him tenderly.

"Even when you look like a zombie." He finished as she pulled away from his lips. He grinned before kissing her one more time, wickedly swallowing any retort she could come up with.

She rolled her eyes, pretending to be perturbed, but couldn't help entangling her body more with his at the same time, placing her leg over his good one, as they both continued to watch the movie.

"So…did you ever visit Mont St Michele?" House mumbled after some time. His eyes not leaving the screen.

"What?" She looked over to him.

"Mont St Michele…You were in Normandy. I assumed you planned that so you could finally get a chance to see it…I know it's a dream of yours." He glanced back over to her.

"It is…but…one that remains unfulfilled."

"Oh."

"When we settled in the cottage…even though I originally planned to visit…I knew immediately I would never go. That dream somehow only made sense…if you were with me. I didn't want to go without you."

"I would have come you know…"

"I know…but I was a little mad at you." she turned her head and nuzzled his neck with her nose, touching her lips to his skin.

"Yeah." His eyes closed to her caress.

"We can still go…" She whispered against him before she leaned away to meet his questioning eyes, "I'm not saying right now…but…I'm not ready to let go of that dream…"

"When we were together before you always made it seem like taking a trip was never a possibility."

"I know…but not anymore. I've straightened out my priorities."

The emotion hit him powerfully, her simple words causing such grief to enter his heart that his eyes instantly shifted away from her, back to the television. Making plans in the future felt unbelievably heavy…not knowing if he could even promise something like that to her was more than he could bear. Suddenly it felt like he was being suffocated, but he could already feel her watching him, and he knew he had to say something. "I'm sure you don't want to leave Rachel for that long…"

"Uh…she'll be fine. " She paused, waiting for him to acknowledge what he was feeling, instead of guarding himself the way she knew he was now…but he remained still and silent, their hands remained intertwined on Cuddy's lap. "What's wrong?"

His thumb worried over the top of her hand, his touch remained gentle. "Nothing…it sounds good someday." He spoke quickly and got up from his side of the bed, "I'm actually hungry again…you?"

"I'm okay." She replied softly, sensing his need to flee the conversation, knowing without a doubt the pain he was feeling…she felt it too.

He nodded with a small smile before he left; her eyes followed his movements as her heart ached to go after him. No part of her intended to make him sad tonight, but with a giant elephant in the room…that neither of them had the courage to brooch, it seemed inevitable that the hurt would surface…and they would finally need to talk.

She heard a rustling in the kitchen, the light that House flipped on filtered into the bedroom. She switched off the television and got out of bed, going over to his drawers where she knew his t-shirts were, she found her old favorite and put in on. Covering her bottom half with a pair of oversized pajama pants she made her way quietly down the hallway and retrieved her purse from the family room where she had left it hours before.

As she turned back around, her eyes couldn't help but glance his way. She remained hidden in the shadows as she observed his face. His body hunched over a bit as he stared at a baking tray, holding a small frozen pizza sitting in front of him on the counter. His hands moved to a white bottle, opening it and pouring out pills in his hand. She felt her heartbeat gutturally react before she comprehended the pills were not vicodin, her breathing hitched momentarily as she moved to make herself known to him…

"Your leg?" His eyes moved to her before she even spoke.

He finished swallowing, "Yeah."

She sighed deeply and came even closer to him, their bodies separated only by the counter island in the center of his kitchen. "Why are you lying?"

"I'm not."

"I can always tell when your leg is bothering you...you have a headache." It wasn't a question.

House looked down to the counter and placed the cap back on the medicine bottle, "Everyone gets headaches." He finished softly, the air heavy between them as they stayed locked in silence.

"We can't avoid talking about this..." she found her voice, already cracking with emotion, "You have a tumor House…it's not just going to disappear because you ignore it...or we pretend it doesn't exist."

"That's very astute of you." He mumbled, fighting the overwhelming urge to flee immediately, eyes dodging her beseeching blue orbs…

"How long have your headaches been back?"

"It's just a headache. It started earlier today. Don't make it into something dire-"

"But it is dire…the longer you wait..." Her voice weakened with each word, "I can't lose you." She finished emotionally, her eyes willing him to understand.

"You think I want that?" His hand came down upon the counter, steadying him as his leg began pulsating in response. He watched the anguish take hold of her face until it was all he could see, "But no matter what I do there's going to be a possibility of—"

"Don't. I can't stand to hear another defeatist attitude. First Wilson, now you—"

"It's a realistic attitude—"

"-No it's fear." She wanted to go to him, but kept the counter between them, trying with all of her might to put his needs in front of her own impulses. "You don't need to hide that from me—"

"Of course it's fear!" His words dripped with emotion. "I just got you back. The one attribute in my life that has ever made me happy...and now we're standing here arguing about a surgery that will more than likely leave me with months of rehabilitation—"

"I will be with you through all of it."

"Yeah and what kind of wonderful experience that will be for you. Helping your already crippled boyfriend cut his food and learn how to speak properly again? Dealing with my mood swings, my anger, my frustrations…my fears. Sounds like a perfect way to smoother our relationship all over again."

"Thats what this is about? You think you will lose me no matter what you decide? It won't happen—"

"You can't promise me that."

"Actually I can. Because that is the _only thing_ I have power over. I'm here House…right now, tomorrow for as long as the future allows us. _That_ I can say with absolute certainty. I'm not going anywhere…and as far as I believe in my heart…you're not going anywhere either." Sheer conviction covered her voice, her body finally moving to him, coming around the cold tile counter to stand in front of him.

"I could lose my memory…wake up without any knowledge of you. My motor functions, my speech, my…brain. What happens if I can't get my abilities back, lose my medical license…I can't live like that. You _know_ I can't live like that…"

"I know." A tear fell down her face, their eyes meeting, fighting through the pain. Neither one reaching for the other. "I wish I could tell you that none of this matters…that the possibility of _that_ happening," She swallowed the rest of her sentence and reached out for his hand, taking a hold of his fingers resting by his side. "You know there is only one choice here." She whispered; her fingers delicately caressed his.

His body shuddered inwardly; he could feel the pain begin to pool in his eyes. "A month."

She looked up to him, leaning close so their bodies were almost touching, "What?"

"I just want a month…with you. If something happens to me…I want…a little more time to be happy." His confession was extremely hard to speak, but he hadn't the strength to hold his feelings back, not caring how exposed he felt with her anymore.

"Then…you'll have the surgery?"

"Yes." He admitted quietly.

Her hand tightened its hold on his as she let out a rattled breath she had been holding onto since the beginning of their conversation. "But if your headaches get worse—"

"I'm only asking for a month…I'll schedule it...but I don't want to talk about it anymore." His fingers unraveled from hers, moving to grab hold of the pizza still laying uncooked in front of him, "This will only take twenty minutes…I'll be in when it's done." He looked to her before he turned to the oven, hoping that she would understand his need for a moment to himself.

"Okay." Her face fell a bit before she composed her features and left him alone…

* * *

><p>Leaning back against the pillows she closed her eyes, trying to meditate on House's request. Was it something she could even accomplish…to allow herself to forget for the time being, to give him the happiness he craved just as much as she did. It was a wonderful ideal, but one she knew would be a struggle. Her baser instincts were always prone to worry, but she would have to fight against…put it away…and not take any moment for granted until then…ultimately his idea sounded like an incredible thought…<p>

The sound of piano keys gently pressed, began to descend into the bedroom around her; ringing in her senses. Her head turned towards it, staring at the corridor of his hallway as she immersed herself in what he was saying through music. A very somber melody…another amazing ability that he possessed that took her breath away. The way he could create a story from his heart that he almost never could express in words. He continued playing for what felt like some time…and she listened…

Only the smell of the pizza wafting towards her brought her off the bed. Her legs carrying her down the hall and into the kitchen, passing by his line of sight briefly to pull the pizza from the oven. She set it down and came back into the shadows of the living room, leaning against the doorframe dividing the rooms. His fingers halted, but his eyes remained trained to his hands for a moment longer…and then he looked back to her.

"You still need some time alone…or can we maybe start that happiness thing right now?" Her voice was soft, caring...

His eyes began to twinkle, a small smile tugged the corner of his mouth; his head gestured for her to sit next to him…

And so she did…

Sitting down close to his side; a smile on her lips as she began to focus only on being with him.

The keys were pressed softly once more, her eyes averted down in front of her as she was transfixed by his fluidity. It poured effortlessly out of him. His song was so intensely beautiful it almost felt as if his love for her was being narrated through the black and ivory keys.

Her hand was placed on his thigh; she nuzzled her chin upon his shoulder as he finished his serenade.

He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes contentedly as her breath tickled his neck. He could feel her lips press against his skin, chills rising in his body as her touch overpowered any other sense but want.

Cuddy shifted, moving herself to stand in front of him against the piano, her body nestled between his legs as he gazed up at her. Without a moment's pause she grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head, her hand immediately connecting with the skin on his chest as she brought her lips against his.

They kissed tenderly, washing away their fears…House grabbed a hold of her oversized t-shirt and lifted it to reveal her sinewy stomach, breaking from their loving kiss to bury his face in her skin, his breath fluttered over her belly-button, causing her to jump when he reached a particularly ticklish spot.

He smiled mischievously up to her. The squirmy reaction he caused as a result was exactly what he was hoping for.

"You did that on purpose."

"Yes I did." House pulled her bare stomach back to his lips, murmuring against her skin, "You make the sexiest noises when I touch that spot…I couldn't resist." He finished speaking, brushing the spot once more with his mouth, before bringing her t-shirt all the way over her head this time and tossing it aside, exposing her perfect skin, his lips going to her breasts instantly as his hands worked to remove the bottom half of her clothes.

She pulled away slightly with a satisfied smile on her lips, "On the piano bench huh?" Her low voice inquired with amusement.

His eyebrows arched, "Yep." She faintly heard him murmur, and then his hands were on her waist, guiding her back to him, clasping her against him as she shifted her legs to sit on his lap. Her arousal already burgeoning out of control as she brought herself down on him, her hips rocked slowly…seductively teasing, her hands wrapped tightly around the swell of his shoulders…losing herself so completely in the moment…

* * *

><p>His eyes blinked…carefully opening as the sun began to make its presence known across his bedroom. The left side of his body warmer than his right, her skin soothingly heated his own wherever their bodies were touching. She lay on her back, the crook of her neck nestled on his forearm; her head tilted towards his face as she continued to sleep beside him.<p>

House shifted his head, just barely, and found the time on the alarm clock, instantly perturbed as he noticed a ringing would sound only five minutes later. He wanted to stay exactly where he was. Looking intimately into her beautiful sleeping face, feel her fingers splayed atop his thigh, the curve of her leg along the length of his own.

Cuddy's eyes began to flutter, her breathing changing as the sense of reality slowly seeped into her senses. Her eyes opened…and his steel blue eyes were all she could see. He had been watching her sleep; that much was perfectly clear to her as she smiled tenderly to him, breathing him into her.

"The alarm." House's voice mumbled, making it hard for Cuddy to understand until the sound of her phone started to buzz from the table beside her.

House saw a pout form on her lips, feeling his spirits lifted by the gesture that she wanted to stay right where she was too. Her body shifted, leaning into him she placed a kiss on his lips, her hand coming up to cup his cheek as she lingered there, allowing her alarm to buzz a bit longer before she answered it.

Pulling away and exposing her backside to House, he reached out and ran his hand down her spine...another one of his cherished places to touch on her. She shut off the noise and placed it back on the nightstand before she turned back to the intoxicating man that was currently giving her goose bumps from his gentle caress.

She held the sheet against her chest as she sat in bed facing him, his hand coming to rest in her lap as he continued to lie back on top of his pillows.

"Probably can't talk you into playing hooky with me." He felt her fingers intertwine with his as he spoke.

"I don't think it would look that great…on my third day back." She brought her other hand to his chest making contact with his bare skin, "We could meet for lunch."

"Yep…or I could cash in on one of my workplace sex-tickets and we could meet for an afternoon snack instead."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, leaning down to him and pressing another wet kiss on top of his lips before she reached for his t-shirt. "Well if I had some help today…perhaps in the clinic…we might be able to do both of those things?" Her eyebrows rose teasingly as she got out of bed.

"I'll see what I can do…Taub owes me. He can help all month if you need…" House sat upright in bed, watching as she reached her hands up and stretched her body, waking her limbs from sleep.

"Fine than I guess I will have to flirt with Taub today…when I work my clinic hours."

"Well that would certainly make his tiny little dreams come true." House mumbled in reply; utterly distracted by the alluring curve of her thigh exposed in front of him, as she continued to stretch her limbs. Her tangled hair fell into her face, her body glowed as the sunlight bounced off her skin from the window in the corner of the bedroom. He sighed with amazement and gratitude, "You are…so very beautiful." He confessed without thinking, his voice was soft...her movements paused to his words…his eyes never straying from her own.

Her lip worried between her teeth, her eyes welled, "…Thank you."

"I think that's probably the first time I've told you that..." House spoke solemnly, "but sometimes it's all I can think about when I'm around you."

Cuddy felt a tear fall down her cheek, a smile tugged the corner of her flushed lips. "I…I don't even have a proper response for that." She studied him, her love overflowing more than she thought possible.

His eyes sparkled, his head tilted, subtly gesturing for her to make her way back into bed…and she understood. Her knees pressed into the mattress as she felt her hand being tugged, warmly wrapped inside his strong fingers, her body falling on top of his…her lips covered instantly….


	25. Chapter 24

**Almost 200 reviews! I can't believe it, thank you so much! I have a few more chapters left before the end...unless while writing I find something else to add...which has been known to happen to me. This chapter goes out to Eryngrace94 who asked me very nicely to post this tonight :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>His gray blue eyes were focused to a spot on the desk in front of him. Glasses perched on his nose as he gazed absently at the paperwork he had zero interest in doing anytime soon. The pen in his hand remained poised, ready to pretend to make use out of it if anyone barged into his office.<p>

"_May Thirtieth?" _His hand twitched into action from the predicted intrusion. Looking up into the face of a stunningly hostile looking love of his life standing in the doorway.

"What…I just scheduled it. How could you already-"

"-I have my ways." Her gray high heels carried her further into his office, coming to stand anxiously in front of his desk. "May Thirtieth is six weeks from now House."

"_It is? _Sorry guess my math was off today. It's the year two-thousand twenty right?"

"This isn't funny."

"Clearly not." He took off his reading glasses and leaned back in his chair.

"I agreed to a month. And that was two weeks ago-"

"I know. But I have a very good reason-"

"There isn't a reason big enough-"

"I have tickets to a concert."

Cuddy's hands flew up in the air, "My point exactly."

"To see Stevie Wonder." House was now leaning completely forward, elbows resting on the desk, knowing he might be able to dangle her favorite singer in front of her in order to negate the extreme frustration he had caused in her face. "I gather by your silence…there's a chance you are slightly less perturbed with me at the moment."

Her eyes squinted at him, "You can't just-hide behind Stevie."

"Oh I most certainly can…if you're nice-and wear something incredibly slutty I might just let you come with me."

"How can you be so cavalier—"

"-I'm not. But I am a doctor remember, I know my limits and a few more weeks will not make a difference here. My scans have shown no further growth…you know all this." He finished carefully, hoping she could move past this.

She shrugged and looked away, "Fine," she replied robotically, shifting her feet. The last thing she wanted was to fight with him, but her heart broke over the thought of prolonging his treatment even further…and she knew ultimately she could do nothing about it.

She turned to leave…

"Hey…don't just walk away like that. " House called out to her softly, causing her to halt her retreat. "Its two weeks difference, not ten."

"Right, and what about tomorrow when you push it too, I don't know, July?"

"I'm not going to do that." His voice was hushed, but dripping with authority. He saw some tension dissipate from her face as she tried to trust in him, something he had given her very little faith in for most of their relationship. "Look…I know that doesn't mean very much…coming from me-"

"You promise?" She asked, tentatively interrupting, her eyes connecting with his.

House held her gaze, her face filled with glimpses of hope mixed with utter despair. It was a powerful combination for him to witness, and all he wanted to do was make things better for her; he needed to commit to her now; it was all he had left to offer. "Yes."

Her face softened, her eyes blinked shut, sighing deeply. Her hand came up and worried her necklace between her fingers; he could feel her mind racing from a few feet away. "Okay." She whispered holding his intense stare for a moment longer before her heels poised to leave.

Reaching for his cane, he shifted quickly, rising up from behind his desk, "Wait." He moved to her side as her crystal blue eyes turned back to him. "Are we okay?" His hand came up and ran down the length of her arm.

"Yeah..." her eyes searched his. "But…if your next scans come back showing-"

"I know. If I have to push the date up…I will."

She gave him a slight nod and leaned into him, her forehead resting against his chest; the feeling of his warm hand weaving in her hair, cupping her head to him felt immensely powerful and she allowed his touch to wash away her frustration. A comforting gift he always had the power to make her feel whenever he made contact with her. It was only recently that she found herself finally getting better at accepting the sensation, instead of pushing it away like she had done with him before. Her head pulled back so she could see his face, his hand remained softly caressing her hair, his eyes smiled at her…

"So…does this mean you're willing to spend the evening with Stevie and I…and wear something wicked?"

"That depends on how good your seats are."

"It's at The Blue Note…a very intimate setting. Every seat is a good one."

She conjured up all her strength not to show how truly excited she was, "Hmmm…I guess that works for me." She faintly smiled, toying with the buttons on his shirt. "When is it?"

"Uh…May Twenty-Ninth." He answered carefully, his tone immediately changing as he revealed that this concert meant more than he had shared, in his marred and frightened mind he knew it could be the last night they had together for a long time…or ever…but he only thought the last in his darkest moments.

Cuddy watched his face change, understanding his expressions so distinctly; grabbing his face between her hands she placed a gentle kiss upon his lips, staying connected with him to ease his fear, her thumb running across his cheek. "I will make sure to buy something extra special for the occasion…you think a mini skirt and halter top would be too much?" Her eyes were wide with bemusement.

"Not if you pair it with those black hooker boots you hide in the back of your closet."

"I do not own hooker boots." She laughed.

"Just because you may not walk up and down dark streets trolling for horny freaks of the night doesn't mean they are not hooker boots."

"You don't forget anything do you?"

"Not slutty things, no."

"I got to go…disciplinary hearing…and interestingly enough _you _are not involved in any way."

"I've had a slow morning…the last couple weeks spent sexing up my boss sort of clouded my abilities to wreak havoc. I'll get it back after a decent lunch…don't you worry." His eyes lit up as he bent to kiss her one last time before he allowed her to leave.

"I'm looking forward to the turmoil." She arched her brow and placed her palm against his chest, leaning into him with a smile before she forced herself to break away, walking towards his office door. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Dinner at your place," he nodded. "Are you still positive you're ready to tell Rachel about us? It was only a couple weeks ago you wanted us to take things slow."

"I know…but two weeks spent sneaking around like Romeo and Juliet has lost its appeal. And honestly…I don't know what I was thinking…I love you…" her eyes gleamed tenderly back to him, pausing thoughtfully, "…which makes it hard to ever want to be apart from you…so…I give up."

"Quitter."

And with that she left…a brilliant smile engraved on her lips...

His face was only a perfect mirror of her own.

* * *

><p>"Does I look pretty Mommy?" Rachel teetered out of her room, smacking right into Cuddy's leg as she maneuvered down her hallway.<p>

"I was just coming to get you…and you always look pretty sweetie-but why are you wearing your Christmas dress and your high-top converse?"

"Cause um House is coming for dinnertime."

Cuddy brought her daughter by the hand and led her back to her bedroom. "Rachel all I said was to change out of your dirty school clothes. This room looks like the mall threw up in here." She lifted her daughter and placed her on the mound of clothes in the center of her bed so they were eye to eye. "What happened?"

"You said _House is coming over._ " The whine erupted immediately, her doe eyes already playing their part well.

"I understand. But you don't need to dress up for House. He's your friend, he likes anything you wear."

"_But you's dress up_. And you make your hair pretty, and your lips."

"And you want to do that too?" Cuddy asked, prying her daughters arms from the too tight Christmas dress she had manage to stuff her body into.

"Uh-huh."

"Okay. " The dress finally tugged free. "You can wear whatever you want, but let's pick a dress that's not suffocating you." She looked around her and rifled through her daughters destroyed wardrobe strewn at her feet, "How about your striped dress."

"Yep." Rachel smiled toothily and lifted her arms to put it on.

Cuddy smoothed down Rachel's hair and couldn't resist grabbing her face and planting a kiss on her tiny cheek, eliciting little squeals of delight from her daughter. "And you want to keep on your sneakers with that dress?"

"Um yeah because House wears his sneakers too." Rachel hopped off her bed and scooted to the bathroom, her mother close behind.

"You want me to do your hair?"

"And my lips too okay?"

Cuddy pulled out some colorless chapstick that was Rachel's favorite 'lip gloss.' "Here's your lip gloss. Now smush them together like this." They looked at each other through the bathroom mirror reflection, Rachel attempted to rub her lips together like her Mom was showcasing so perfectly back to her. "Good job. How do you want your hair?"

"A ponytail! With my Sponge Bob clippies!"

The brush went to work as Cuddy created her daughter's chosen look. Clippies placed on the sides of her hair holding back stray chocolate brown wisps. Looking the perfect picture of a four year old, that was allowed to dress herself, should appear. It was only the rapping of a cane on the door that finally triggered Rachel to move out of the bathroom and away from her admired appearance. "House!"

"Ask who it is first!" Cuddy called loudly after to her, checking her own reflection in the mirror once more before she went to help Rachel let in their very welcomed guest. She unlocked it, and allowed Rachel to turn the handle, swinging the door wide.

"Hi House!" Rachel squealed and bounced on her toes, her hand poised for a fist bump.

"Junior." His hand met hers, before he stepped over the threshold into the warmly lit home.

"What's in that bag?" Rachel peered to House's right side; a paper bag held folded in his hand.

"You really mean is it something for you?" He blinked down to her.

"Is it?" Her eyes grew even wider, a smile already on her face.

"Maybe…but only because you have good taste in sneakers." He pointed his cane at her feet, handing her the bag, as Rachel smiled knowingly up at her Mom.

Cuddy watched the exchange quietly, taking House's coat off his body and hanging it on the hook by the door. She noticed his eyes carefully observe as Rachel confusedly pulled out a movie that she did not recognize.

"What is it?" Rachel turned the movie around to look at the back cover.

"Yellow Submarine," House answered. "I heard a couple months ago some little bundle of lithium say she _did not-_" He looked towards Cuddy with a tilt of his head, "-_know_ who The Beatles were."

"But why is there no beetles on the pictures ifs this movie has-has the beetles in it? " Cuddy stifled a grin, placing her hand over her mouth.

House bowed his head dramatically with a grumble, "Let the education…begin."

"After dinner." Cuddy added with amusement.

"After dinner." House nodded.

"Rachel can you please go and clean all the clothes off your floor and pile them on your bed while dinner is finishing."

"Can House help me?" Rachel grabbed a hold of his hand innocently.

Cuddy melted from the display of affection, but tried to remain neutral as she replied, "Did House help you make the mess?"

"No." Rachel confessed.

"Then I think you need to do it alone please. And I think you can at least put away your socks and underwear that were under your chair. You know where they go. I will do the rest tomorrow."

"Okay." She mumbled with a groan, and slowly retreated to her bedroom, the door slamming shut behind her.

Cuddy cringed by reflex as the sound vibrated down the hallway. She shook the noise away and turned back to the handsome man inching closer to her. Her hands wrapped around his neck in the same moment his hands enveloped her small waist.

"Good movie by the way." Her lips pressed against his neck as House clutched her in a languid embrace. Their bodies folding together from head to toe so perfectly, immediately relaxing into each other.

He pulled back and kissed her hello, tasting her fresh lipstick, finally allowing his eyes to roam over her without the interference of a little spy. "Next week it's Sergeant Pepper."

"Oh great. Because the acid trip during Lucy in the Sky is perfect for a four year old to watch."

"She won't even know what she's looking at…plus in the last couple decades our fine race has come up with a brilliant invention called the fast forward button."

"Uh-huh." She nodded slowly with a smirk. "You want to help me with dinner?"

"Uh-huh." House mimicked, openly staring at her backside as she walked towards the kitchen, following closely behind.

* * *

><p>"Can we watch The Yellow Bum-or-um what's it called?" Rachel tilted her head in confusion, looking to House for help.<p>

"Submarine."

"Yes! Sub-mo-rein beetles please?" She sprinted to the foyer, grabbing the movie from the paper bag by the door. "I got it!" She squealed proudly, holding it up to her Mom and House still seated at the dining table.

"I think the dishes can wait…we have some learning to do." House grabbed Cuddy's hand resting on the table and pulled her up to stand in front of him.

"It has been a very long time since I've seen that movie. Used to be one of my favorites." Cuddy conceded with a smile, continuing to hold House's hand as she tugged him toward the family room where Rachel was already trying to aggressively pry open the movie from the wrapping.

"Give it here destroyer." House reached out his hand to Rachel, pulling off the plastic swiftly and handing her back the disk. He limped over to the DVD player and opened it up, allowing her to place the movie in the slot; remembering from before that she loved to do that on her own.

Cuddy watched the two of them standing close to the television, both of them equally transfixed by the movie as the opening menu turned on in front of them. She sat back against the couch and stifled a laugh, "Um…are you two going to join me? Or burn your eyes by watching the movie from a foot away?" She grabbed the remote off the coffee table and observed them both take steps backward, eyes still glued as they blindly found their way to the couch.

"Press play Mommy!" Rachel jumped on the cushions and settled directly in between House and Cuddy with absolute excitement. The three of them sitting closely together.

The movie began with a click of a button, Rachel leaned forward in anticipation. House studied her jubilance, finding that her joy brought him a certain sense of accomplishment, and it was a feeling that was strangely satisfying to him.

Making her smile…made him smile in return.

He turned to his left, meeting Cuddy's sparkling watchful eyes. His hand moved to reach her, coming behind Rachel and finding the back of her head with his fingers, gently resting against her hair as she leaned closer to him.

"Whose is that?" Rachel pointed to the screen after a few minutes.

"The Blue Meanies." House answered.

"They is mean cause they are shooting at those music people?"

"Yep. Turning them into statues."

"Cool." Rachel never strayed from the television.

"What's that?" She asked after sometime.

"That…is the Yellow Submarine." House answered once more, "And you hear that song?"

"Yeah."

"Well that is The Beatles."

"They're a song?"

"No. They are a group of men that wrote some of the best music of all time."

"But it's' a cartoon. Cartoons are not real."

"You will see what they really look like at the end of the movie, but right now they're cartoon people and we get to listen to their music." Cuddy spoke and brought Rachel up on her lap. Adjusting her body so she could mold herself against House, his arm wrapped instantly around her frame, his feet plopping on the coffee table…and just like her daughter, his eyes remained locked to the movie…

It felt unconditionally perfect.

The cartoon Beatles emerged onto the screen, the four of them introduced each in their own unique way. Then the soft solemn melody of _Eleanor Rigby_ began to filter through the television. "My favorite Beatles song." Cuddy's voice softly mumbled, speaking only to herself.

House turned his head, catching her words, "I know."

She subtly smiled without looking to him, "Of course you do." Her face turned to his, her hand came to rest on his thigh…

The movie continued; Rachel's questions became obsolete as she was swept away by the colors and the music. Cuddy could feel her grow tired, her body slackening on top of her lap.

House grabbed the pillow next to him placing it on his legs, sensing the same thing Cuddy felt, and reached his arm around Rachel carefully guiding her to lie down. Her tiny body laying across both of their laps willingly, curling herself into a ball.

"Thank you." Cuddy whispered in the darkening room, her head coming to rest on his shoulder. She could feel his warm lips placing a kiss against her hair, his breath tickling her scalp before he rested his head against hers.

"Is that the real beetles people?" Rachel lifted her head at the end of the movie, rubbing her eyes with her fists.

"Yep." House looked to her as she carefully scrutinized the television for some time.

"They look silly."

"Yes they do."

"I like Ringo the best. His cartoon was so funny."

"No one likes Ringo the best."

"I do! Can we watch it again?" She asked with her sweetest voice, stifling a yawn.

"No baby. It's time for bed."

"_But Mom…"_

"Rachel don't start. House bought you the movie. You can obsessively watch this cartoon for the rest of your life." Cuddy wrapped her arms around her daughter, feeling her instantly melt against her and place her head on her shoulder.

"I'll be right back." She mouthed quietly to House as she rose gingerly from the couch. The weight of her ever increasing daughter making it difficult to maneuver like she used too and she wobbled on her feet.

House saw her struggle and stood up to catch her balance. "You okay?"

"Yeah…just Rachel getting to big for me I guess." She replied, hiding the fact that she had felt incredibly dizzy for a moment there as well.

"Can House read me my book?" Rachel lifted her head off Cuddy's shoulder.

"Depends on what you're reading." He squinted at her.

"Rachel it's late. I think you need to go straight to bed tonight. We can read a short picture book instead."

"Mommy's reading um Peter Pan to me. It's a very big book." Rachel answered House's question, ignoring her Mother's objections.

"Yes but it's the actual Peter Pan novel. So the font is small and I don't think House brought his glasses…" Cuddy trailed off and turned to him as he hobbled silently over to his jacket in the foyer and retrieved his reading glasses.

"I used to bully a boy scout. Always come prepared." House looked to Cuddy. His eyes spoke to her that he was actually okay with fulfilling her daughter's request.

"Only a chapter Rachel okay." She couldn't help but smile at his sweet gesture.

"Okay." Rachel agreed.

"Let's go brush your teeth."

House watched them slip into the bathroom and he made his way down the hall to Rachel's bedroom. He saw the old leather bound book sitting on the dresser, a red bookmark was sticking out from somewhere in the center. He limped with it over to the chair next to the bed and sat down carefully.

"You ready?" Rachel came skipping into the bedroom, straight to House's side.

Cuddy closely followed, sifting through the pile of clothes on the once clean bed, hoisting the heap to the couch before she wordlessly began to change her daughter out of her dress and into the one pair of pajamas she managed to find.

"You haves to do all the voices too like Mommy okay?"

"Is she any good at them?" He opened the page to the place they last stopped.

"Um…"

"Um?" Cuddy placed her pink oversized pajama shirt on her body deflty and pulled down her comforter.

"Well you's is good Mommy. But you are a girl. And Peter Pan and Capitan Hook are boys so…um..." She trailed off as she crawled into her bed and grabbed her Housie and Lisa dolls by the heads, placing one on either side of her body.

"Nice save." House leaned in with a smirk only to Rachel.

Cuddy shook her head and placed kiss on top of her head. "Remember only one Chapter Rachel. Don't ask for more."

"Mommy you lay down with me okay."

"Uh…"

"Lay down." House agreed quietly. "No offense but you look sleepier than your mini duplicate over there."

"Thanks." Cuddy replied sarcastically, already shifting to lie down despite her furrowed brow. Her body closest to House, Rachel snuggling close into her side.

"Don't get used to this." He added only to Cuddy.

She turned her head and gazed at him, knowing he was full of it, and would have never agreed if he didn't find it an intriguing endeavor. "Sure." A small smile crept across her face as she watched him put on his dangerously handsome glasses.

And begin to read…

His voice was soothing, lulling, and so fantastically narrative that both Cuddy and Rachel were instantly tangled up in the story. Rachel loved his Capitan Hook, hanging on every word he spoke, interrupting him only briefly with compliments and giggles as she watched his face transform when he read through the different characters.

And while Rachel was absorbed with the story, Cuddy was focusing on the amazing man in front of her, his boldness, his sincerity. His unassuming love for her and her daughter. The way he could create a magical night out of a unique movie and finish it off with obliging a four year olds needs. It was so distinctly House, and so absolutely what she had been missing with every fiber of her soul.

She turned to her daughter then, seeing her face mirror her own. She was in awe of him. Smitten with the eccentric man before her, she was everything that Cuddy felt in that moment. And for the first time she realized that she was not the only one that needed House in her life anymore. Rachel needed him just as much…

* * *

><p>"Hey…" A flutter of a breath tickled her ear, his voice quietly bringing her back from the sleep she fell into. "You still with me…" His eyes shimmered even through the darkness in the room as she opened her own to look into his face.<p>

She turned her head to her passed out daughter, "How many chapters did you read?" She whispered, taking his outstretched hand to guide her from the small bed.

"A few." House confessed as they retreated quietly from the bedroom. He watched her yawn, her eyes still half-lidded. "You still okay with me staying the night?"

Cuddy brought her arms instantly around him, embracing his heated long body against her own, answering his question silently as she unraveled from him and took his hand. Leading him to her bedroom and shutting the door behind them both.

"I'll take this as a yes." House pulled her back into his arms, pressing her back against the door; kissing her lips without pause. He could feel her relax into him, humming in pleasure as he continued to place soft kisses against her mouth. "You know what sounds really good right now?" He mumbled into her lips, pulling back just barely to see her eyes.

"I have a few thoughts." She smirked as her hands lowered around his back, teasingly grabbing his ass in her hands.

"Taking a bath."

Her eyebrows arched at his unexpected response, "That…sounds amazing actually."

"Oh I meant alone…wasn't really inviting you." He replied with a straight face.

"Well alright then. Have fun." She let go of him and walked towards the bed, blatantly removing her shirt in front of him, and grabbed her pajamas to put on.

His eyes grew wide, "Forget what I said. Get that giant ass of yours in here." He jerked his head towards her bathroom as he began to walk towards the door. Stopping to stare at her longingly before he retreated to turn on the hot water.

* * *

><p>The mirrors remained slightly fogged, the air around them was filled with moisture as they remained submerged together in the bathtub, while foamy bubbles covered most of their bodies. Her head rested back against the white porcelain, watching with sheer adoration as House traced patterns along her calf, moving to massage her foot in his hands. His legs stretched out around her, trapping her contentedly, "If we don't get out of here soon I might just fall asleep in here."<p>

"You seem to be very tired tonight."

"I know…long week." She sighed, images of work she would rather forget floated in her head. "I think I'm going to dream of expense reports tonight."

"You sure know how to live it up."

"Yes I do. Oh God that feels good." Her body hummed impulsively as House's fingers kneaded the ball of her foot. She saw him smirk confidently before he resumed his work, reaching for her other foot beneath the water. "Speaking of living it up…are you finally going to allow me to acknowledge that your Birthday is next week…maybe we can celebrate somehow?" She bit her lip nervously, knowing full well House despised his Birthday and all mentioning of it.

"Didn't you receive my declaration about fifteen years ago stipulating that I do not participate in any Birthday fanfare that would be directed in my honor?"

"I believe there was a contract of some sort involved…yes."

"Alright then."

"Not so fast…I agreed to that pathetic excuse for avoidance of passage of time when we were merely friends and co-workers. I think there is a clause in there somewhere excluding girlfriends from abiding by the rules."

"Nope. Iron clad agreement."

"_House…_"

"Don't make doe eyes at me and pleadingly moan my name. Like that's going to work here. Who do you think you're dealing with?"

"Oh come on…what if I promised you a Birthday evening filled with anything your filthy mind could come up with? Would you at least let me buy you a card…and perhaps a cake?" She added quickly.

"No."

"Please…"

He dropped her foot and leaned his head back with a groan. "Why is this so important to you?"

"I…just think you have spent too many years depriving yourself of things that can actually be enjoyable experiences…if you allow them to be."

"And a paper card with stupid cliché's and a sugary mountain of fat is one of these enjoyable experiences?"

"Yes." She adjusted herself and slid her body in between his legs. Carefully wrapping herself around him in the warm water.

"You already think you won this discussion don't you?" He feebly tried to ignore her body teasingly resting against him, knowing she was manipulating him with her womanly charm to bend to her will.

"Did Wilson put you up to this?"

"We…might have talked about it…yes. But I went to him, not the other way around."

"And his advice to get me to cave was to bribe me with sexual favors?"

"No…he suggested I distracted you with my cleavage when I broached the topic."

"Well you failed. Your breasts are covered with bubbles."

"True. But I am completely naked right now and pressed up against you…that has to count for something. And it's not like I'm asking you to do something _that _bad here…it's just one day. Let me make it special."

"Fine…but for the record…it's only because I'm actually intrigued to cover your body with the cake, and then spend hours cleaning you up with my tongue."

"Sounds good to me." She smiled wide and brought her lips to his, kissing him slowly and seductively. Her way of thanking him for allowing her to actually get her way on this.

He pulled back slightly, his hands wrapped securely around her frame. "Besides, seeing you dressed up as Wonder Woman _is totally _worth it."

"_What?"_

"You said _anything_ my filthy mind could come up with. You know you can't give me free reign like that without it coming back to bite you in the ass. And trust me when I say-there will be ass biting involved." He grinned wickedly; his hand slipped lower and cupped her from behind, pulling her hard against his very apparent need for her.

She gasped as he teased her entrance, "Fine." She moaned, knowing she had it coming when she promised him that, but thrilled that he actually gave into her this time. "Now let's get out of this tub. The water is cooling and my bed is a much larger space for me to have my way with you." She unwrapped herself from him and stood up quickly, grabbing a towel before she reached out her loving hand to him…

* * *

><p>Little steps quietly scooted across the bedroom, pausing to stand inches from a snoring man resting amongst her Mother's blankets.<p>

"House?" Rachel called out to him, her hand placed on his forearm, "_House…wake up." _She mumbled a little louder, her fingers clutching into his skin tight enough to finally rouse her friend from sleep.

"…_What?_" He grumbled sleepily, only one eye cracking in the dusk of the room. "If it's still dark outside then eyes need to remain closed. It's the law. Go back to sleep." He closed his eyes again only to feel her hand still grasping his arm.

"It is not the law." She whispered back.

"And how do you know that?" He still refused to open his eyes.

"Cause I do." Rachel sighed sleepily, "Can I sleep in here with you?"

"No."

"_But…" _Her voice cracked with emotion, causing him to finally look into her sad expression. "_I hads a bad dream…and-and I'm too scared cause um the beetles sub-um submooreen was falling into the waters and then-" _House held up his hand to cut her off, sighing deeply before he shifted and opened up the comforter for her to climb underneath.

The smile on her face was annoying, but also cute he thought to himself as he helped hoist her up by the back of her pajamas.

"What happened?" Cuddy mumbled in the dark, feeling the weight of someone else shuffling into her bed.

"House said I can sleep here." Rachel exclaimed much too loudly and climbed over House's body to settle between her Mom and him.

"And what con did you feed House to make him agree to that?" Cuddy spoke tiredly, shifting to place her arm around her daughter despite her frustrations at being interrupted from a cozy sleep next to House.

"_I had a bad dream Mommy."_ Her whine came forth quickly. "_And there was-"_

"No need to tell the story again." House interrupted with a slur to his speech as he huddled under the covers. "I think sleeping without words is much nicer."

"Okay." Rachel yawned in response, her tiny body molding along Houses back.

Cuddy smiled despite her exhaustion. Watching as her daughters eyes closed immediately once she nestled against House. She reached her hand further over her daughter and shimmied her fingers under the fabric of House's t-shirt. Her hand making contact with his skin as she settled her palm just above his hip. Closing her eyes back again…the soft caress of his hand coming to rest on top of hers, lulled her back to sleep.


	26. Chapter 25

**Such awesome reviews! Truly, thank you :) Totally keeps me writing, even at 2 am like I'm currently doing. I'm too sleepy to scour for typos, so my apologies for all that might be lurking. I loved writing these last few chapters, and I hope this one matches the rest. ****Getting near the end...but I still have a few more chapters left, just building up to the climax...! **

**Happy Weekend!**

* * *

><p>Cuddy swiftly dodged the in-coming pirate ship helium balloon floating eye level with her. Words saying '<em>It's a Boy'<em> flew dangerously close to her head; the breeze from the near encounter tickled her face.

"Rachel stop messing with the balloon. You keep almost whacking me in the face."

Rachel had insisted on buying it the moment she saw it at the grocery store, a large balloon shaped like a primary colored cartoon pirate ship. And even though she was told it said the wrong sentiment, she replied that she thought House would think it was silly, and that pretty much settled the argument. Currently though, Cuddy wished she hadn't bought the thing because it had turned into a maddening object for her already hyper daughter to pester her with.

"Mommy did you wrap my present?" She pulled the balloon down by the string and clutched it fondly to her chest, her arms barely reaching around it.

"Yes remember? You put the blue bow on it like ten minutes ago."

"Oh yeah." Rachel let the balloon float completely to the ceiling and went to check on her present to House. She was very proud of it.

'_Knock…knock." _Cuddy heard her guests arrive right as she was passing by the door, her feet coming to a halt as she grabbed the handle.

"I'll get it!" Rachel bellowed from inside the kitchen.

"I already got it Rach!" She called back, opening the door, her eyes focusing in on House and Wilson standing side by side on the porch. "Boys." She smiled and stepped aside for them to enter.

House looked at her suspiciously before he searched the room for signs of colorful banners or streamers draped in curly loops, basically any sort of Birthday fanfare that would aggravate him. Seeing nothing besides candles, a solitary balloon floating above them, and dinner settings on the dining table, he eased up and shrugged out of his coat. Giving the beautifully dressed woman in front of him a kiss on the cheek.

"Happy Birthday!" Rachel ran towards him with her unicorn tucked beneath her arm.

"Thank you."

"I got you a balloon."

"I see that. It looks like the ship from that ninja monkey cartoon."

"I know."

"_Knock knock knock." _The door behind them vibrated, and Cuddy moved to open it, her high heeled boots she knew House loved, clicked passed everyone as she reached for the handle once more.

"Oh don't tell me you made this into a party. Are you trying to-" he cut himself off as the distinct smell of pizza wafted in his direction. Cuddy's hand disappeared inside her pocket and removed money to hand over to the delivery driver.

"Thank you." She smiled to the driver and silently handed boxes of food over to Wilson. Kicking the door closed with her foot before she carried more food wordlessly to the dining room.

"You ordered from my favorite pizza place." House limped into the dining room behind her slowly.

"Yes." She smiled. "The meatball special and one artichoke pizza with ham and garlic. Plus pasta and salad…I think I got it right." She looked at him with a question in her eye and a tilt of her head, seeing instantly that she had indeed remembered his favorites as he smirked proudly back to her.

"Smells great." Wilson placed the salad and pasta at the end of the table.

"Hungry?" Cuddy spoke, catching his eye once more as she placed the booster seat on Rachel's chair.

"Yes!" Rachel answered for him, and reached for her glass of juice next to her plate.

"What she said." He replied simply, finding his seat across from Cuddy. Settling in to what was shaping up to be a far less overwhelming experience than he had anticipated.

* * *

><p>"Mine first!" Rachel clapped her hands, filled with an overabundance of glee, as Cuddy brought out the presents she had kept hidden on her kitchen counter.<p>

"I thought I agreed to a card and cake. Not presents. And why is there so many?"

"Because these are from your team. I thought it best to ease you into this whole Birthday tradition, so I kept tonight small. But they wanted to send gifts along anyway."

House sighed, anxiety creeping in at the thought of opening up a gift from anyone, it had been awhile since he had to participate in the custom.

"This one is mine." Rachel shoved a rectangular package in his hand, standing in front of him expectantly.

He studied her for a moment before he stuck his finger underneath the tape and ripped open the wrapping with red and yellow stripes decorating it, a blue bow placed lop-sided on top. He already knew it was a picture frame of some kind before he discovered the image inside. A crayon drawing boldly pressed into the light blue construction paper background. The yellow brilliance of her decent attempt at a submarine was off-centered on the page. What looked to be sea monsters locked into a battle with her take on the Blue Meanies filled up the area around the ship.

"Who did you pay to draw this for you?"

"I draws it for you."

"You did? Are The Beatles inside the sub singing?"

"Yep."

House nodded slightly, and leaned forward in his chair to speak only to her, "Thank you." He whispered, and she smiled proudly. "Now you want to help me open up the rest of these things so we can get to the cake?" He thrust a package in her hands.

"Okay!" She beamed and ripped off the card, opening it up easily, "It's um from a frog." She held up the card with a picture of a giant toad covered in warts to him.

He grabbed it as she ripped open the wrapping paper with force. "No it's from Taub." He replied, not even opening the card to confirm. Watching as Rachel uncovered a giant snow globe filled with a dozen tiny gnomes and little tree houses stuck inside the dome. House reached out for her small hands and moved them in his to shake the globe together. Her eyes growing wider as the snow fell slowly around the tiny creatures.

"Cool!" She exclaimed, looking up to House as he allowed a small smirk to cross his lips from Taub's gift. He could sense Cuddy and Wilson watching him intently as he placed the globe on the table next to Rachel's face.

"You see the one wearing the green polka-dot jacket?" He spoke to Rachel.

"Yeah." She leaned forward to press her nose against the plastic globe.

"Well _that_ is actually Doctor Taub. Always dressing up for special occasions." He replied and thrust the next present into her hands.

"There's no card." Rachel looked at him.

"It's from Foreman." Cuddy interjected, as House caught her eye, "I guess he knew better than to get you a card that you wouldn't read anyway." She replied casually, taking a sip of her wine with a twinkle in her eyes.

"You sure are enjoying this aren't you?" He studied her carefully.

"I sure am." Wilson added pointedly.

"Are you still here?" House made a face and watched Rachel resume opening up Foreman's gift.

Her finger's clawed at the small cardboard box before she found a silk tie nestled inside. "Um it's a rope with a snake colored on it." She held it up to him with a confused expression.

House grabbed the gift from her outstretched fingers, "It's a tie. And that's because Doctor Foreman is so uptight that he even goes to sleep wearing one of these things." House tossed it at Wilson's empty dinner plate. "Here you go. Matches your eyes better."

"Especially now that it has pizza sauce on it." Wilson grabbed it and wiped off the corner with his napkin.

"How about this one?" Rachel grabbed a small gift bag, opening up the card attached to the handle. "There's no pictures. Who's got you this?" Rachel held up the writing to House as he leaned forward to read the scribble.

"It's from Chase and Thirteen. Apparently now that they're a couple that enables them to do everything together. And that includes being cheap." House explained as Rachel dug into the bag, pulling out a rolled piece of paper with a bow tied around it.

"Its paper." Rachel handed him the sheet, watching as House undid the red ribbon and opened up the paper.

"It's a receipt for a top of the line jello shot maker. It will be arriving on my doorstep next week." He placed the paper on top of the discarded wrapping, "Those two were always my favorites."

"Can I haves some jello?" Rachel asked eagerly.

"Absolutely not." Cuddy cut in quickly.

"Here." House gave her the second to last gift, "It's from Wilson. I can tell by the girlie wrapping paper."

Wilson shook his head and prepared for the snarky comments potentially coming his way any moment as Rachel pulled apart the heavy cardboard box.

The weight was too much for her to hold, and it toppled out of her hands onto the floor. "Oops." She commented. Reaching into the half-opened box she pulled out a black leather jacket and held it up to House's face backwards. "It's a coat!" She exclaimed with a smile.

House instantly liked it and reached out his hands to take it from her, running his fingers against the soft leather; he put his arms through it and adjusted it on his body.

"I'm going to take that as…you actually like it." Wilson leaned forward in his chair.

"You don't know me." House made a sour face, but said nothing further and left the jacket on his body.

"This is Mommy's!" Rachel bounced up and down before grabbing the last gift on the dining table. "I helped her wrap it." She smiled.

House reached for the gift and began to open it with his own fingers. The paper discarded quickly, he opened up a small cardboard box with something heavier than clothes inside. The tissue paper was pushed aside and her present was finally revealed to him, nestled deeply amongst the wrapping.

He ran his fingers over it…taking it in. An old copy of his favorite book, _Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, _lay before his eyes. He turned to her after a moment, searching her expression before he looked back to the vintage item. "Is this a first edition?" He asked humbly.

"Yes…open it." She spoke softly. Her eyes fixed to him as he obliged her request, seeing his own eyes widen as he saw the signature on the inside cover.

House took in the gift, probably the best gift he had ever received. He lightly brushed over the faded signature by the author himself. The name Hunter S. Thompson was scribbled on the old paper, the book itself smelled from years of age, that wonderful old library smell that only true book lovers could appreciate.

"Thank you." He looked across the table to her, still slightly uneasy by the shower of gifts and attention, but unable to hide his genuine appreciation at her amazingly thoughtful gift.

"You're welcome." Her lips displayed a small smile, "There's a card inside the book too, but you can mock it later." She added teasingly. Getting up from her perch at the table, "You ready for your cake?"

"Only if you promise not to sing."

"You will have to discuss that with Rachel." She murmured and vanished to the kitchen.

House brought his eyes back to the tiny person still standing in front of him in anticipation. "If you don't sing, Uncle Wilson will give you ten dollars."

She gasped, "Really?" She went over to Wilson and stretched out her hand automatically.

Wilson gave House a very dirty look.

"It's my Birthday." House pulled out a slight pout, knowing it was enough to get his friend to open up his wallet.

Ten dollars was placed begrudgingly in Rachel's hands as Cuddy brought out a small round cake on a platter and set it on the table in front of House.

"Candles?" He groaned.

"You said no singing. I heard nothing about candles…and why is my daughter holding a ten dollar bill?"

"Uncle Jimmy is very generous tonight." House explained, turning to his cake and looking at the writing cursively iced across it. He made a face, the words Happy Birthday House spelled out in front of him in blue icing. A yellow sugar design of Sponge Bob nestled next to the expression, his mouth open wide implying the character was the one saying Happy Birthday to him.

"I take it you picked this cake." He turned back to Rachel who was currently leaning on his good leg to get a better view.

"Yep!" She concluded, "Blows out your candles and make a wish okay." She patted him on the leg and turned back to the glowing cake.

House sighed and did as he was summoned too. Theatrically blowing out the two numbered candles that showed his age with a giant breath and looking back to Rachel for approval. "There."

"Did you makes a wish?" She judged him openly, hands immediately on her hips.

"Yep." He lied and grabbed the cake knife on the platter. "You want a piece of Sponge Bob's face to eat?"

"Uh-huh." Rachel agreed and shuffled back over to her chair to wait for her treat.

House plopped a piece on a plate held up by Cuddy and then continued to cut small pieces for the rest of them.

"Rachel got a bigger piece than I did." Wilson judged the sliver of cake placed before him.

"I'm rationing this cake. I have plans for the leftovers later tonight." He wiggled his eyebrows knowingly at Cuddy as the blush overtook her cheeks. She rolled her eyes, but House noticed her trying to mask her excitement at what would be a fun evening for them both.

"I don't want to know." Wilson finished the last bite of his measly piece, and stared at Rachel whose face was already covered in icing.

House looked to her as well, and she instantly smiled back over to him, making the frosting spread even further on her face as she poorly attempted to wipe her mouth. "Happy Birthday House." Rachel spoke with utter happiness and childlike sincerity as she shoved another heaping bite of sugar down her throat.

House studied her face for a moment, his mind wandering over the evening's less than painful events. The feelings and customs were unfamiliar, but somehow it seemed to suit him alright, despite his outward objections.

So he took a bite of his cake, and relaxed into a night of contentment with the people he couldn't help but to love. Allowing himself to feel just an ounce of what came so naturally to a four year old.

* * *

><p>The door shut mutely behind her as she crept into her dark bedroom she thought House had retreated too, but she couldn't see a thing. "House?" She called into the blackness, her small light next to the bed flicked on immediately in response. "There you are." Cuddy moved further into the room towards her dresser. "Rachel's eyes were closed before she even made it beneath the blankets."<p>

He observed quietly as she took off her earrings. "Too much Birthday excitement." He replied, shifting the cake platter resting on his lap, finding it funny that she hadn't noticed its placement yet.

"Yeah, combined with a major sugar crash. She had a piece of cake bigger than her head. Thank you for that by the way, she twirled around in the bathroom like a maniac, falling all over the place. I think she managed to brush three of her teeth." She sat on the bed and unzipped her boots, tossing them next to her on the floor before she turned around to face him.

"I'm ready for my Birthday evening." He mischeviously looked down to the cake, then back to her. "You were right by the way. Birthday's can be quite the enjoyable experience…if you allow them to be." .

Her husky laugh he loved so desperately much filled the room as she came around the bed and planted a kiss on his rough cheek. "Let me go to the bathroom first. I'll be right back." She rose to her feet but was stopped by his hand on her arm.

"First look under the bed." He offered without further explanation.

Cuddy gave him a weary look, sighing at whatever else he could have in store for her as she pulled out a large gift bag that she had not put under there. "What's this?" She held it up to him, standing by the side of the bed.

"That…is the outfit you are going to put on whilst in yonder bathroom." He grinned and motioned with his eyes for her to hurry up.

"When did you put this under here? "

"I broke into your house yesterday. "

"When you were supposed to be working? "

"Uh…my memory is a little hazy on the specifics…you know. _So excited _about my Birthday and all… " He shrugged innocently.

The face she gave him in return was one of undeniable hesitation that he found rather endearing. She peered into the bag briefly tilting her head suspiciously down to him, then walked towards the bathroom without another word.

House held his breath in anticipation, she was going to kill him for this, but he couldn't care less. It was totally worth it. Minutes turned into ten, and the excitement was starting to kill him, he placed the cake on the nightstand and shifted upright in bed, "You need some help in there?" He called out through the closed door, the rustling from inside seemed to escalate briefly before the door handle rotated open.

Light spilled out from the bathroom behind her, covering her body in a halo as she emerged into the doorframe looking less than thrilled at her mostly naked appearance. "When you said Wonder Woman…I really thought you were joking." She switched off the bathroom lights and stepped into the subdued setting of the bedroom. "And I refuse to wear that ridiculous headpiece thing."

House's mouth hung open wide; his brain lacked any sense of cognitive thinking beyond the magnificent image before him. Any sort of communication was lost in the moment, as his eyes roamed over her exquisite body. The lanky form fitted boots made her look like a goddess; an otherworldly creature that was only the picture of perfection because someone had drawn her that way.

But this women standing angelically before him was evocatively real. And she happen to also be his. It was a fact that, at the current moment, made him feel like the luckiest man ever to walk the earth.

"I gather by the drool hanging at the corner of your mouth, you like what you see." She walked towards him, gaining some semblance of confidence back from his adoring stare.

He nodded like an idiot, finally closing his mouth. His lips twitched up into a small smile that he could no longer contain.

Cuddy caught his eyes roaming over her feverishly, the fact that he still had not said a single word to her, made her grin unabashedly from his hysterical reaction. "Don't get used to this…but the look on your face right now, actually makes wearing this hideous outfit totally worth it."

"Oh you're wearing that to work tomorrow. Trust me when I say that your day will be filled with ease if you show up in that. I'm talking big donations." He finally found his voice, shifting his legs to sit on the side of the bed; he reached his hand out to her, never letting her out of his sight as she came around the bed to him. Instantly he clasped his hands around her hips and pulled her body closer, marveling in the up-close vantage point he was currently being graced with.

Cuddy smiled down to him, despite her lack of enthusiasm, she was starting to like making him melt like a puppy dog. She raked her fingers through his hair at the top of his head, tugging his head back slightly to look into his eyes, "And what would you like me to do now?" She whispered sexily.

"Uh…I clearly have not thought this through." House ran his hand slowly down her back stopping to trace the seams of the small outfit placed perfectly on her body, the material not even covering her hips. "You know a picture of you wearing this right now might-"

"No. Take a mental one with that photographic memory of yours you're so proud of. There is no way I'm allowing something like this out in the universe for you to blackmail me later with."

"_I would never_." He placed his hand over his heart dramatically.

"Oh of course not." Her fingers let go of his hair and her hands came to rest on top of his shoulders, "Now please start making out with me so we can get this outfit off my body. My breasts feel like they're being smothered." The words barely flew out of her mouth before she felt herself being pulled onto the bed, falling into his lap, his hands secured low on her hips. She leaned forward and kissed him as he lay down on the blankets. She could feel his fingers inch their way under the thin material of her skimpy leotard, roaming up her sides to skim over the tops of her breasts that were nearly spilling out from the corset that was unnaturally tight.

Their kiss broke apart briefly and House took the time to stare at her once again. Memorizing her in the vividly bold outfit he had so meticulously picked out at the costume shop he drove an hour out of his way to get too.

"What?" She whispered down to him, feeling his hands pause, sitting up straighter on the bed but continuing to straddle his torso. Her booted legs folded under her, her hands were resting on his chest.

"Nothing…I'm just taking another mental picture. Never thought I would see the day where 'Wonder Cuddy' was sitting on top of me. I mean I've concocted millions of fantasies in my head with this exact scenario…but this is much better"

"One time only thing. So enjoy it while it lasts."

"Oh I plan on it. You are the hottest super hero I've ever seen."

She shook her head with a gleam in her eyes. "Who fights crime wearing an outfit like this anyway? Seems completely impractical. And that stupid lasso of hers-"

"Shhh…quiet. Don't ruin the moment." House pressed his finger to her mouth before he moved her with fervor around on the bed, her back quickly coming into contact with the blankets.

"Wow." Cuddy laughed breathily as she moved the hair from her face. The strength and eagerness she felt from him at the moment was palpable. She stretched out underneath him as he took one of her legs in his hand and began to run his fingers up the boot, reaching her bare thighs slowly, teasing her skin, as his eyes devoured her image.

His fingers hooked into the zipper at the side of her boot, slowly undoing her leg from the soft synthetic leather. "You know…the only reason I'm allowing this outfit to come off you is because we still have a cake to get to." The singular shoe slipped off her foot and was tossed to the floor behind him with a soft thud.

"Well I think I would much prefer the cake." She whispered, "Although…don't think I'm the only one that is going to be wearing some of that frosting." Her eyebrows rose with intent, running her hands down his torso once more as he began to unzip the other red boot from her leg.

"I think I'm okay with that." He replied, his lips inching towards hers.

They met in a passionate kiss, wet mouths pressed together, exploring the taste of one another. She relished the way his lips on hers brought goose bumps throughout her entire body. The way he would softly kiss her everywhere but her mouth then finally fixate on her lips, sucking her bottom lip between his own. She could feel his tongue graze her lip as she clutched at the fabric of his dress shirt; unbuttoning it, exposing his skin, running her fingers against his chest. House found the hook in the back of her outfit, undoing only one latch before he broke free of their kiss and lifted her back off the bed to sit up facing him.

"I just want to do one last thing before we say goodbye to this outfit." His eyes shifted towards her chest, openly gawking, before he looked back up to her as if to ask for permission.

She followed his line of sight to her breasts that were barely maintained in the corset, making them appear bigger than normal. Knowing full well what his intentions were next, she allowed a flitter of a seductive smile to cross her flushed mouth, rolling her eyes teasingly "Go ahead." She laughed immediately as his eyes lit up from her open invitation. Only taken a moment before he plunged his face directly between her mountainous bosom.

His breath tickled her chest as he allowed a long lingering sigh of contentment escape his lips. "Happy Birthday to me." He mumbled against her flesh, breathing her in to him before he finally managed to break free from his heavenly experience.

Her fingers found the back of his head, grabbing his hair and guiding him back to her lips. She wound her arms around his neck, kissing his jaw line, moving slowly to nibble at his earlobe, "Happy Birthday House." She murmured into his ear, "Now get me out of these clothes…"

* * *

><p>His arm was draped heavily over her body as they slept. The cake platter remained on the nightstand, having been abandoned a few hours prior. Only bits of frosting still graced the top of the mound of yellow dough, a symbol of the fun they had shared before passing out contentedly next to one another.<p>

It was the dull pulsating of House's thigh beginning to ache, that roused him from an incredibly satisfying sleep. His eyes opening in the darkness, instantly reaching his hand down to massage his muscle, trying to lessen the contractions he was feeling…probably due to the mind-blowing sex he had just experienced. It was a very small price to pay, he thought as he shifted in bed, carefully unraveling his body from hers.

His head lifted off the pillow, and turned towards his phone, checking what time it actually was. As if by magic his phone reacted in his hand, the dull sound of a ringtone symbolizing it was his team calling began to pulsate beneath his fingers, before he even had the chance to read the clock.

"_Really_?" Cuddy whined next to him, her eyes tightly shut as she shifted to place her head on top of his chest, her arms winding around his torso.

"Bootycall…Foreman can't resist me." He replied, switching on his phone. "What?" He hissed into the receiver.

"Patient started seizing. The broad spectrum antibiotics we gave for the infection are not working."

"Well that's obvious. It means I was right all along, it's neurological." House sighed, running his fingers down Cuddy's back as she remained nestled warmly against him. "Test for epilepsy, I'll be there soon. Just have to unravel myself from the naked women sleeping beside me first." House switched off his phone and tossed it back on the nightstand grumpily.

"See you in a few hours." Her breath tickled his chest as she whispered into him. "Don't do any crazy procedures until I get there please."

"I make no promises." He murmured into her hair, kissing her on top of her head. He felt her soft lips press to his skin before she sleepily rolled off of him and allowed him to leave. House studied her for a moment longer, lingering on the curve of her body only partially hidden beneath the covers, wanting nothing more than to remain exactly where he was.

But he moved away from her anyway, and grabbed his phone and cane resting by the side of her bed. He found his clothes in the shadows and pulled them on quickly to ward of the frost in the air, and made his way down the hall to the dining room to put his shoes on his feet.

House sat down in a chair and surveyed the remainder of his Birthday party. The balloon Rachel had picked for him still hovered above his head, her picture of the yellow submarine sat amongst the discarded wrapping paper and snow globe. House finished putting his shoes on and stood up. Unhooking the new leather jacket Wilson had given him from the back of the chair and slipping his arms through it.

Then he reached for one last gift. The old hardback book nestled inside the card board box it had come in. A small smile spread across his face when he held it in his hands once more. He tucked it under his arm and brought it with him, heading out the front door and into the chilly night.

* * *

><p>It had been nearly five in the morning by the time House arrived to the hospital. His team spent the next hour running neurological tests on their thirty-five year old patient only to debunk House's theory. Making the last hour a grueling test to find a proper cure while their patient's kidneys began to fail.<p>

House put his patient on the top of the donor list immediately, and was currently having Taub run tests for Hepititis while Foreman monitored the patient's protein in her urine. Leaving House a small window to find some peace and perhaps some sleep over the next hour while he waited.

He snuck into the chapel on the first floor that no one ever used, and laid down in one of the pews, propping his head up with a pillow he had stolen from a patient's room only moments before.

With his legs stretched out in front of him he pulled out the book Cuddy gave and opened up the binding, thinking reading for a moment would make his eyes tired enough to sleep.

It was as he flipped to the first chapter that he recalled her mentioning a card stuck somewhere in the middle, and he shifted the book slightly in his hands before a yellow envelope fell onto his chest.

He placed the book behind his head on the wooden bench and turned the card over in his hands. Placing his fingers under the flap, he pulled out a white card with a deranged looking dog on the cover.

He smiled instantly, and opened the card.

_**So you were right.**_

_**Birthday cards are all filled with ridiculous clichés. Typical diatribe that quite frankly was not good enough to buy for you. **_

_**Rachel picked this one you're holding now. Drawn to it because of the Golden Retriever Puppy with the unnaturally giant eyes on the cover. I find it a bit creepy, but thought you would actually find it amusing. Thankfully it was blank inside, but now that leaves only me to fill it up with something eloquent, something uniquely profound, maybe something I have never told you.**_

_**Sitting here now with the pen in my hand...I find it hard to find any thoughts that I have not shared with you. **_

_**You have been with me through so much of my life and there are very few times I can recall where I have actually censored myself, held back what I feel when I'm around you. Granted for many of those years my feelings were mostly colored with annoyance from the brilliant man that came bursting through my office doors without warning. Spouting medical riddles, coercing me to bend to his ego-maniacal ideals. But even in those times, you and I both know that whenever we were around each other, it was always more than that. We have never been simple. I have always loved you, and you have always loved me.**_

_**A part of me wonders what it would've been like had we given into each other sooner. Moved passed the walls we both erected and found solace in 'us' ten years ago, twenty years ago. But then things would be different now...maybe I wouldn't be sitting here writing this incredibly sentimental Birthday Card to you.**_

_**Even though I wish some things between us never happened, I want to believe that our entire journey together played out the way it should. Making our want stronger, showing us that no matter how hard we push each other away, we will always be better together. **_

_**And that's the absolute truth House. I am better when I'm with you, in every way imaginable. You make me feel alive. Loving me in a way that overwhelms me. Makes me feel weak at the knees, even now. You drive me unequivocally crazy, but sometimes I think that I love you even more in those moments. You have always challenged me in a way that no one else has ever come close, and I am so much stronger because of that.**_

**_So I guess all of this elongated emotion is my way of saying, thank you. For all the times you kissed me, touched me, held me, fought with me, clung to me, loved me with every part of your heart._**

_**I pushed against my need for you…I pushed you away for far too long, even when we were finally together. I think you already know this, or rather I'm hoping that in the last couple months I've been able to convey this properly to you... but…I'm done running away. **_

_**Happy Birthday House.**_

"I know you're in here." Her voice sounded in his ears with crystal clarity as he closed the card, startling him for a moment before he realized she was _actually_ standing inside the chapel. Her high heels echoed across the floor until she stopped just behind his hiding spot.

"I asked you not to do anything crazy until I got here."

He looked up into her vibrant blue eyes as she peered down to him, noticing she looked slightly apprehensive when she saw he had just been reading her card. He couldn't help but allow a small smile to light his eyes. "Well you're here now. Can I do something crazy?"

"You read my card?" Her teeth worried her bottom lip.

"Is this from you?" He placed the dog picture face-up on his chest, and stoically crossed his hands on top of the card. "It felt a bit mushy…_I mean who writes love letters anymore_." He stretched out the last words and looked deep into her eyes.

Cuddy instantly flashed on bits and pieces of his love letters to her. She hadn't thought about it when she began writing the card, but after finishing, she realized she had unintentionally written one back to him. She felt hesitant about her utter honesty, but somehow it still felt incredibly right to place it inside the book and wrap it for him. "It won't happen again. I promise." She teased him softly.

"I don't need you to promise me that." He sighed and placed the card on top of the book, resting on the pew next to his head. "Thank you…for yesterday."

A smile flitted on her face. "You're welcome." She answered him tenderly before she glanced down to the file she forgot she was holding, shifting it up so he could see. "Why is your patient at the top of the donor list?"

"Um because she will die without her kidneys."

"What's the diagnosis? Because the last I heard you were checking for Hepatitis B."

"Nephrotic syndrome. In which case she will need her kidneys."

"What about auto immune? Sjogren's syndrome or lupus, that fits too. You can't put someone on the top of a donor list without—"

"You really have become a doctor again." His words broke threw her speech, causing her pause from his simple compliment.

"Does that mean you are testing for auto immune next because if it's Sjogren's syndrome…she's too far gone for any kidney to survive in her body."

"I know…why do you think I'm pulling for hepatitis?"

"Just…call me as soon as you have the results." She spoke down to him with a softness in her tone.

"You still going to go out with me tonight or are you mad?"

"I don't think I'm upset enough to miss dinner at Marcel's…with you." She leaned down over the bench and kissed him, caressing his lips in between her own before she pulled away with a smile and walked towards the door.

"But since you seem to have some time, the clinic could use an extra doctor for the next hour." Cuddy announced with a hint of amusement in her features, knowing House couldn't witness her teasing expression from his spot lying in the middle of the quiet chapel. And she smiled even brighter as the door slowly shut behind her, instantly picturing the face she knew he was surely making from her classically spoken request.


	27. Chapter 26

**S_oo I'm going out of town, which means there will be a bigger gap till my next chapter will be up... **_...Oh and once again, please forgive any typos at this late hour...I just wanted to get this up before I left. _**_**

**_But I might get the urge to write on Thanksgiving Vacation, just wanted to issue a fair warning...hope nobody gets too upset from where this chapter ends ;)_**

**_And not to sound too much like a review grabber, but they really do fill me up with a renewed urgency to write. So let me hear ya. Good or Bad...maybe it will light a fire under my ass to pour out the next chapter sooner!_**

**_Happy Thanksgiving! Hope to return soon._**

* * *

><p>The water cascaded upon her raven black curls as she submerged her face fully underneath the hot spray of the shower. Her eyes were tightly closed, the steamy mist surrounded her body while she focused on ridding herself of the anguish bubbling within her spirit; hoping a common act of relaxation might actually help her into a much needed sleep.<p>

But deep down she knew that no amount of water could ever wash away what her heart ached every second to forget. It was a weak attempt at trying to calm her nerves; her mind was fiercely open, screaming her fears over and over. Reminding her of all the worry she tried futilely to ignore over the last month.

Two weeks.

Those implicit words burned into her brain as if someone was chanting them over and over again into a megaphone. It was all the time they had left, before the inevitable, something that House was much better at ignoring…or maybe he was just better at masking it than she ever would be.

They barely spoke of it. He had made it perfectly clear from the beginning there was nothing more to be said. And he was right. What else was there to say that would change what happened next? The surgery was set. May Thirtieth was hurtling towards them with what felt like lightening speed, and from there it remained unknown.

Cuddy pictured his face; his light blue eyes pierced into her vision almost as if she could reach out to him and run her fingers across the rough stubble peppering his cheek.

She could feel her tears burn inside her eyes, scorching tears of pain that she had been choking back since the moment she found out about his illness.

At times it felt all consuming, but she was always able to keep herself from dissolving when she had House by her side. They had spent almost every night together since the evening he shared Yellow Submarine with Rachel. Falling into a rhythm of two people desperately in love. As if they hadn't spent the last year thousands of miles apart from one another.

It was only the last couple of days spent without him that had her nerves pushed to the brink. He had a case with a twenty year old girl that kept him unhappily at the hospital throughout the last two nights. The only time they even saw each other was when he asked her to sign off on a brain biopsy, and they had been interrupted by a nurse walking in on them before they could even properly say hello or goodbye.

She had looked for him before she left the hospital a couple hours prior, but found his office empty and needed to get home to relieve the new nanny she recently found for Rachel. By the time dinner was on the table, a small part of her was holding onto hope that he would show up. A place was set for him, but he remained where he was needed, leaving Cuddy to put her daughter to bed and head to her own…

Alone for the third night in a row.

Her hand reached for the nozzle and turned the temperature up for a moment, allowing the heated water to hit her back and wash off the remainder of the soap, she took one last meditative breath and finally turned off the water. The towel came off the hook, wrapping snugly around her body to ward of the chill racking her body. She stepped onto the cold tile and robotically went to get her pajamas for what would more than likely be a facade of rest, just like the nights before.

Her bed looked incredibly empty without him; she sat upon her unspoken side and stared absently at his pillow. Dressed in a short cotton nightgown with hair still slightly damp, her back rested against the pillows, and her hand reached impulsively to retrieve the cell phone on the nightstand.

_No new messages _glared back to her like a beam of disappointment. Her brows knit together in sadness, her fingers traced over the numbers on the phone, debating whether or not she wanted to be 'that girl' and call him when she knew he was probably busy.

All of the sudden her phone sprang to life in her palm. His name flashed across the screen and an immediate smile flew across her lips.

"You have good timing."

"That's why I'm the best sex you've ever had." He replied, invoking a small low laugh from the other end of the phone.

"I'm not sure I've ever said that to you."

"Oh come on." He pushed for what he knew to be true.

"Yeah okay." She gave in willingly. "How's your patient?"

"The team is running tests on the tissue we removed earlier. Should know more in about an hour."

"Good." She responded neutrally, even though she felt even sadder knowing he wasn't on his way to her. "Sorry you're stuck at work again."

"I know-it's like I'm turning into you."

"Hey I've been better about balancing my schedule lately." She bantered.

"Yes going from a sixty hour week to about fifty-nine hours _is quite _an achievement."

"Shut-up."

"Plus it doesn't count when you take expense reports to bed with you."

She glanced to the blue folders piled next to her on the nightstand. "It's been a rough week."

"Nice excuse. Just try not to fall asleep with those papers on your bed. Don't want any oddly placed paper cuts hindering our sex life."

"I'm pretty sure being doctors is the actual thing hindering our sex life at the moment." She yawned and worked her bare feet under the covers.

"Sounds to me by that massive yawn, that even if I was there, you're too sleepy for me and my enormous man-hood right now anyway…that would, no doubt bring you mind-blowing orgasms over the next couple hours."

"Couple hours huh?"

"Yeah you heard me." She smiled at his confidence, missing him even more than she did before. "I take it you aren't sleeping well lately…I wonder why."

"You wouldn't happen to be fishing for some reassurance right now would you?" Cuddy asked, knowing that was exactly what he was doing.

"Only a truly insecure person would do that."

"My mistake…but if by some reason you are still curious about what has been causing my restless nights…the truth is I have a hard time sleeping without a completely insane, roguishly handsome snoring boyfriend next to me."

"At least I don't talk in my sleep."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that."

"What are you wearing?"

"You need a visual to take care of some solitary orgasms tonight?"

"Yep. Give me something good."

She looked down at the gray material hugging her body. "Uh…my silk black camisole that just barely covers my thighs." She lied.

"Oh...I wish you would have said that thin gray tank that barely covers your rotund ass. That one really gets me going."

"I…" She was caught off guard by his accurate guess, and then it hit her instantly. She got out of bed and crossed over to her window with the phone still pressed to her ear. Her right hand shimmied open the pane and stared longingly into the blue eyes of the spy in front of her. "How long have you been standing out here?"

"Since you were staring absently at my pillow, missing me desperately."

"I was not…staring."

"You going to let me in." He clicked off his phone the same time she did.

"I guess…you're already here so…" She grinned and outstretched her hand to him. He threw his cane inside the room and grabbed her palm, hobbling over the threshold of the window until he was standing upright next to the only person that could bring a certain sparkle into his soul.

Her arms wrapped around him instantly. Pressing the length of her small frame into his body, just the smell of his skin was enough to push her ache aside and be in the moment with him again.

His nimble fingers pulled back her dampened hair from her neck and pressed his lips against the soft skin behind her ear. Finding the earring at the top of her lobe and brushing his lips to it; he could hear her sigh of pleasure as he pulled back to look at her.

"So what's really going on with your patient?"

"Neurofibromatosis. Nothing to be done. Chase is decompressing the tumors in her ear canal now but we can't remove all the tumors in her brain, it's only a matter of time."

Cuddy sighed and held onto his hand, "I'm sorry." She knew dealing with any sort of brain tumors hit way too close to home for him to handle. "You look tired too."

"Two days spent sleeping on Wilson's office couch really put a damper on my beauty sleep."

"Come on." She tugged his hand and pulled him with her towards the bed. Turning back to him, she pulled off his jacket, tossing it aside before she began to unbutton his shirt.

"You wouldn't be trying to seduce me would you?" He squinted at her, watching in awe as she undid his belt from the loop.

"Don't get too excited. I'm just trying to get you into my bed so I can have a solid eight hours of actual sleep tonight." She whispered and tossed his belt next to his jacket and shirt.

"Tease." He smirked and removed his jeans, wearing only his t-shirt and boxers as they both clambered eagerly into the bed. House shifted his body next to her and wound his arm underneath her neck, pulling her head to rest against his heart. "Goodnight." He mumbled with his eyes already closed; sleep invading his mind as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Cuddy smiled and yawned widely, she lifted her head off his chest and found his warm lips with hers, holding him to her for a moment. Then she moved her head back down to his chest; winding her arm around his torso, she held onto him tightly and fell into a wonderful sleep.

* * *

><p>"House!" Rachel shrieked into the quiet bedroom, the sound of her high pitched voice caused House's head to lift off the pillow swiftly from sudden fright.<p>

He turned his head towards the four-year old hurtling at him. Practically jumping on the top of House's lap as she climbed into bed. "I would prefer the old fashion sound of a shrilling alarm clock over this. Just so you know." He glared at her. "What do you want?"

"It's morning!"

Cuddy felt the shift in the bed; the motion brought a giant wave of nausea upon her before she was able to push it away long enough to form words. "Rachel…what?" Her eyes barely cracked open.

"You didn't hear her shout a second ago?" House looked over with confusion as to how she could have possibly not heard her daughter.

"Hi Mommy." Rachel snuggled into her Mother's side.

"Rachel lower your voice please." Cuddy rubbed her face and looked over to House who was sitting up against the headboard looking irritated. "Sorry." She mouthed to him.

"Can I have some breakfast?" Rachel spoke in a slightly lower tone.

"Can't you climb onto the counter and get it yourself like normal kids?" House looked down into her annoyingly awake face.

"Cause Mommy says no…_but can I_?"

"No." Cuddy replied quickly and gingerly sat upright in bed. Her head felt unnaturally foggy even though she had slept so completely sound. "Give us a minute to wake up okay. You can watch morning cartoons if you want till I come out."

"House you want to watch shows with me?"

"Can't. Got to make sure Mommy gets out of bed. She might need my help." They both looked over to Cuddy while she tried to cover up a giant yawn.

"What?" She questioned both of their stares.

"Nothing…you just look like you could use another ten hours of sleep." House studied her face for a moment.

"Thank you…go ahead Rach. I know you are fully capable of turning on the television by yourself."

"Okay but you come out soon okay?" She looked to House and shifted her tiny body out of bed.

"Be careful of House's leg." Cuddy winced as soon as she saw him jerk from the pressure Rachel accidentally put on his thigh.

House's hand immediately went to his leg to ease the pain coursing through him, "I think we need to discuss locking her in her room at night."

"Right now that doesn't sound like such a bad idea." She replied and slid her body next to his side, curling against him; she placed her hand on top of his that was squeezing the pained muscle. "You okay?"

"Yeah…" His tone was terse as he waited for the pain to subside. "You?"

"Yeah. Just still tired."

"Didn't sleep well?"

"No I slept great…I had you next to me."

"Then what's going on?" House looked down to the top of her head; a slight bit of concern was beginning to nag at him.

"I don't know…" She pulled her face away from where it was nestled against his shoulder and met his eyes. "I guess one night of good sleep doesn't make up for the two in a row I missed."

House sighed and tried to believe that was all it was, but he also always knew when she was hiding something. "Why don't you take a shower. I'll get 'alarm clock' some cereal."

"You would do that?"

"I _can _be nice you know…Of course my fee is oral sex. But you can pay up whenever you're up for it. Will talk interest later."

"Thank you." She rolled her eyes, but gave him a genuine kiss before she peeled herself from him and inched out of bed. Crossing over to her closet slowly she began to sift through her clothes till she picked out something suitable to attend meetings all day in…which was the last thing she felt like doing at the moment.

"Wait. You have to work today? It's Saturday." House questioned as she set her outfit of choice on the foot of her bed.

"I know. But some of the board members were out of town this week for a conference. So I have meetings scheduled all day. I thought I mentioned it."

"No."

"Oh…sorry. Trust me I don't want to go. I feel bad enough that Rachel has to spend the day with my Mother instead of me. But I should be done by dinner."

"Or you could just quit this morning and spend the day with my body wrapped around yours. I mean Grandma Bipolar is already watching Rachel so…"

She stopped her retreat to the bathroom and turned back to him still sitting on the bed. "Are we going to have this conversation again? I told you…I'm not ready to make any decisions yet. Now is not a good time."

"It's never going to be a good time…but I think you already know that. You're deflecting."

Her heavy sigh filled the quiet in the air between them. "You're right…but it's too much right now…with everything…" She didn't continue, but they both knew what she was referring to.

"_Mommy!" _Rachel called from down the hall, interrupting the conversation that neither one of them wished to finish anyway.

House rubbed his thigh muscle one last time then got off the bed. He found his cane on the floor where he tossed it the night prior and gave her one last glance before he left the room.

Cuddy watched him leave without saying anything more, sorrow etched her features and urgency filled her instantly to go after him, but she remained where she stood.

A part of her ached for their last two weeks together to fly by; then they could confront the inevitable and finally move forward from the disease that loomed over their entire relationship…but the chance of something going wrong…finding the tumor was inoperable, or his mind would be affected for the rest of his life, had her wishing that time would just stop for them forever.

And they could finally just be…

* * *

><p>It was nearly five thirty in the evening when House had the chance to make his first visit down to Cuddy's office.<p>

He had a new patient, one that he begrudgingly took against his better judgment, but the symptoms were too intriguing to pass up once Cuddy dangled the fact that the patient presented with a mentally unstable history, only to have an actual seizure while being examined by Psych. She knew that he couldn't resist medical puzzles that also involved crazy people. The allure to the mystery was always better when there was someone with a dark and potentially shifty history to dig through. So he grabbed the file from her hand and sent his team to dig for secrets, while Foreman was forced to run a sleep study with the patient for the rest of the evening, allowing him to step away for the night.

It was Monday, and going on a week since he had properly spent any time with Cuddy. A fact that was growingly starting to annoy House; hating that they had wasted far too much of the last week focusing on tertiary things, rather than each other. She spent all Saturday in and out of meetings like she promised, leaving him to wander aimlessly around his apartment looking for something to do, eat, or watch; while hoping to meet up with her for dinner. But seven rolled by and all he received was a hurried phone call from her, telling him what he already expected would happen.

Sunday was spent with Wilson. It was something he considering bailing on, but Wilson had bought ridiculously good seats to a Yankee's game, and as much as he preferred the idea of spending the day with Cuddy, he didn't hate the thought of driving the fifty miles into New York to watch a ball game either. Plus a part of him was angry at her for continually putting him off to complete a job that she didn't truly want to be doing anyway.

House rode the elevator down to the first floor of the hospital and crossed through the clinic. Her office seemed darker than normal when he approached the door, and he was immediately pissed at the thought that she wouldn't be there, and they would miss each other again. The door creaked open slightly, his eyes adjusted to the closed blinds and lack of light that covered the room. He shook his head and turned to leave but stopped his hasty motion when he caught sight of her out of the corner of his eye. She was perfectly still; asleep on her couch with a file folder draped across her chest.

He crept into the room quietly, shutting the door with a soft click as the lock was set to avoid any interruptions. He walked carefully to her and sat down on the sofa next to her side; his hand went to her face and brushed a lock of black hair off her cheek.

She stirred to his touch, feeling his presence before she opened her eyes to him.

"Good morning." He spoke as he removed his fingers from her cheek.

"I am fully aware it is not morning." She stayed where she was, looking fondly too him as he gazed down at her. "I was just resting my eyes…started to get a headache from these pharmacy reports." They both glanced to the file folder currently taking up residence upon House's favorite things to gawk at.

"I just got a headache from you saying the words 'pharmacy reports." He removed the folder and tossed it haphazardly to the table.

"I thought you were coming over last night?" She rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Wilson didn't get me home till late. We perhaps may have consumed a tad too much fun at the ball park."

"Oh…I'm sorry I didn't get to truly say hi to you earlier when I brought you that case."

"You mean forcefully demanded I take the case."

"I had you at schizophrenic." Her head adjusted against the throw pillow she was resting on as she tried with all her might not yawn. "I've been in interviews all day trying to hire a suitable replacement for Dr. Hardey."

"Well that shouldn't have been too hard, Dr. Hardey was an idiot."

"You think everyone is an idiot."

"Am I wrong?

She smiled, "You heading home for the night?"

"Aren't you? It's almost six...I had some plans for the evening, that definitely need you to be involved if I'm to have any sort of fun."

"I can't...I have another interview in an hour. That's why I was resting. I have a little time still."

House exhaled sharply and didn't bother masking his irritation. "Do I need to say it?"

She knew exactly what he was implying, "No." She reached for his hand even though a part of her was frustrated with him for bringing up the prospect of her quitting again. "But I will be home by nine. Maybe I can talk my Mom into staying another night with Rachel and I can stay at your place. We could fulfill that fun you were speaking of a minute ago."

"Your Mom's still here. I thought she left yesterday."

Her mouth twitched in hesitation, knowing full well that she was going to hear it from what she was about to admit. "I...had to work again yesterday for a little while. So she stayed the night."

He watched as her eyes strayed from his stare, "Fine." He simply stated, catching her gaze again as he pulled her up by her hand still resting in his.

She sat up facing him on the couch. "Fine...what…" But she spoke no further when the look in his eyes showed her all she needed to know. "_House_..."

His lips crashed into hers, powerfully, and she kissed him back willingly. Her hands instinctually flew up to pull him closer to her, as his magical lips overtook her objections momentarily before rational thinking ventured back into her brain. She pulled away with her hands still clutching his shirt, "We can't."

"Oh I think we can. I still have two sex-tickets to cash in on from our friendly poker game. And I can tell from the way you kissed me just now, that you want it just as much as I do."

"It's five-forty five on a Monday. Anyone can walk in here."

"Not when the door is locked...and from your midday nap-I'm sorry, 'eye rest' you've already solved our other deterrent by closing your blinds."

"I have an interview taking place in this very office-"

"-In an hour. Stop talking." He smirked and placed his hands against her chest, unbuttoning her blouse slowly without taking his eyes off her face. It was only a second before he saw a sly smile cross over her lips. And he knew he had her.

"I _have_ missed you." She murmured and leaned in to kiss his cheek, inching down to his jaw with her lips while he finished undoing her shirt and pulled it out from the tuck of her skirt.

"I think you know the cure for missing someone…" He whispered, trying to not sound like a blithering idiot from the way she made him melt just from her simple touch.

Cuddy clutched his face between her hands and drew him closer, trapping his mouth with her own into an alluring kiss, she could taste the hint of coffee on his breath. Their lips deepened even further as House slowly lowered her back against the couch, pinning her body snugly under his.

Leaving her lips and eliciting a soft protest in result, he slowly began to trail his mouth down her neck, stopping to savor the flavor of her skin; her body twitched underneath him when she felt his tongue sweep across the spot above her collarbone.

House felt her fingers come up and unbutton his shirt. She opened it up with ease to reveal his bare skin, her hands came up to rest against the curve of his chest, tantalizing him by running her fingernails slowly down his torso. He could feel the chills rise on his arms; his eyes sought hers as his right hand came up to tangle into the locks of her hair. It was only a moment before his lips descending on her perfect mouth once again. She responded instantly and brought her fingers lower to skim under the waist of his pants. The belt loosened and the button unclasped quickly without her lips ever leaving his, as House's long fingers found their way under the fabric of her skirt and trailed up her thigh, finding the lace of her underwear he pulled his mouth from hers, and with a proud smirk, the garment was carefully lowered down her luscious legs, reaching the red high heels still placed upon her feet.

He stood up in front of her while kicking off his shoes, his pants practically fell around his ankles and were quickly discarded.

"_Ring…"_

The ironic ring of Cuddy's cell phone reverberated just as soon as House was lowering his body back to hers. They both groaned but House chose to clutch one of her breasts in his hands, skimming under the black bra still hindering his view. He saw her bite her bottom lip in response and he leaned down to suck it in between his own teeth, the phone deceased the annoying interruption and finally left them in quiet.

She reached around his neck and clawed the back of his hair, clasping him to her as the pleasure from their passionate kiss revved up the urgency burgeoning within them. House felt her hips adjust beneath him, her other hand exposed him from under his boxers, their bodies were so extremely close to coming together the way they both had craved for days…

"_Ring…Ring…"_

"House—" She tried to detach from his lips, knowing that she needed to answer, despite the repercussions that were bound to happen because of it.

"No." He muffled against her mouth, reclaiming her lips.

"_Ring…Ring…" _

"I'm sorry…" She pushed his chest off hers with delicate pressure, but House didn't even budge…the only move he made was to continue to kiss her supple mouth until the intrusion silenced.

"You see…it's too late." He pulled back wickedly and lowered himself to, bringing their bodies together, watching as she gasped under him.

"_Ring…"_ It began again, and House let out a deeply frustrated moan, he moved away from her completely and sat up to reach the phone.

"Here," He barely looked at her when the phone was placed in her hand, standing up to fetch his pants without saying anything at all.

Cuddy watched the lines in his back, his posture and movements expressed all the anger she could feel seeping within him. Her hand clicked the phone on, wrapping her shirt closed around her chest, she sat up on the couch, "Dr. Cuddy."

House heard her pause to listen to the voice on the other end, while he tried to calm his breathing down and button up his shirt.

"Where was security...I'll be right there. No I was just…on another call, I'm on my way." She sat up and fixed her clothes back into place, House's hand came in front of her face dangling her recently removed thong in the air. "Thank you." She whispered and finished fixing herself to leave the office. "Apparently a fight just broke out in the maternity ward."

"Guess you're needed then…might want to fix your hair first." He mumbled back to her with an icy tone; his legs carried him to her locked office door, and his eyes remained fixed to the handle, never straying…

She opened her mouth to say something, but found nothing would come, and silently chose to watch instead…as he left her alone.

* * *

><p>The door shut with a sharp jolt causing House's head to jerk upright; his eyes opened wide to the sight of Cuddy's remarkable eyes boring into him, a clear mark of annoyance was spread upon her face. "What did I do?"<p>

"This is your emergency page?" She remained by the door.

House sat up on the old patient bed and began to absently twirl his cane in his hand. "If you mean the emergency page I sent you forty minutes ago…then yes."

"House, you're supposed to be in the clinic—working. Not hiding in an old part of the hospital that's closed for repair. And I ignored the page because I knew it would be something like this." She gestured to the bed.

"If you mean a make-up session from our hastily interrupted attempt yesterday…than you would be correct. And to be fair, this room used to be part of the clinic."

"What do you want? I'm busy…you know that Dr. Gorman died today-why can't you ever—"

"-Dr. Gorman was a hundred and fifty. I'm assuming you saw this coming."

"That doesn't change the fact that he was my head of Radiology and someone I need to find a replacement for as soon as possible." She turned to leave without another word.

"I'm pretty sure everything will be alright. Why are you beyond over-reacting to this?" His tone was calm but the tension inside was already mounting. He hated when she got heightened to the point of irrationality.

Cuddy stilled herself for a beat, her face coming back to meet his, taking a tired breath she replied, "I'm not. But right now it's my job…and I just…wish you could understand _that_ and help me, rather than play these games."

"What games? I think I made it pretty clear what I want here, on all accounts." House questioned her coldly, no longer hiding his frustrations.

There was heavy silence between them, neither one braving to speak further. Finally her face softened to him despite his growl, and she walked over to the side of the bed for the first time, stopping a foot away. "And…this is the part where I say that I still can't…then you walk out angry." She spoke with sadness.

"Then don't say you can't."

"We have tonight. I thought you were coming over for dinner." She glanced to her watch, "It's five thirty now…I should be home by seven. Go home and I'll call-"

"I can't leave yet. I'm waiting on the results from the kidney biopsy—"

"What kidney biopsy…on your schizophrenic patient?"

"No on my patient from last week-"

"—House." She huffed, "Why is this the first time I've heard of this? You did a risky procedure on an unstable patient without checking with me first-"

"-Well I would have sent you a message but we all know how quickly you respond to pages."

"Stop it."

"The patient was completely stable. What is the matter with you?" House stood up in front of her, coming intimately near as he began to study her for clues as to why she was acting stranger than normal.

"What's the matter with _me?" _Cuddy held onto his questioning stare with one of her own, "So now it's not alright to be upset over the fact that you went purposely behind my back—"

"-If by 'purposely' you mean not bothering to inform you of a completely routine and necessary test, with almost no consequence…than yes."

Cuddy shook her head slowly, "Don't do it again." Her voice was hoarse but commanding as she moved back towards the door.

"What is this really about?" House stopped her with his words, stepping towards her, not allowing her to flee so abruptly.

She met his inquisitive eyes, "There isn't some hidden puzzle…or deeply embedded mystery to solve here. Why can't I actually be upset over the fact that you completely disregarded hospital—"

"—Because…" His voice seemed to echo in his head while he processed a sudden thought; a flitter of a clue that brushed into his mind from what she had just expressed. House felt as if the room began to spin as his theory took hold…

And just like that…bits and pieces of actual facts started to mold together. The 'deeply embedded mystery', that only a second ago was denied with such confidence, seemed to be glaring at him now…something almost unfathomable to imagine, not truly believing how he missed all the signs.

"_House…?" _ Her voice pulled him back slowly; her hand remained poised on the door, ready to flee, "I know that look. What did you just figure out…something about your patient?" Her voice was soft.

"No…" He swallowed against the lump choking his vocal cords. He studied the curve of her body, her breasts were spilling out of the ivory cardigan she wore, even more so than normal. The puffiness under her eyes remained in the same spot that had taken up residence in her face over the last couple weeks. Around the same time her mood seemed to change…

"House what is—"

"-Lay down." The command was barely audible, and he looked away from her as he crossed to the other side of the room.

"Now we're back to sex? I'm done—"

"I said lay down." He repeated with an eerie whisper, his hands lifted a sheet covering the machine he needed.

"What are you doing…" She could hear herself speak but the answer to her question was already revealed, _"House_…" The wheels squeaked as he rolled the old ultrasound equipment to the side of the bed in the middle of the room.

It was only then, that he finally manage to meet her eyes, "I can't do this standing up."

"I'm...not." She couldn't believe what he was suggesting, her whole body began to shake as a result, and she sat down where he wanted, just to keep from falling over.

"I need you to prove that to me." He turned on the monitor, the glow from the screen lit up the darkening room.

"I…got my period a week ago…I mean…" She shook her head, "It was light, but that happens sometimes…"

"Lie back." The equipment was poised in his hands, his heart raced uncontrollably when he watched her face change…

And she gave into his request.

Cuddy felt her eyes well; her fingers quivered as they found the fabric of her sweater, and she exposed the curve of her stomach to him, trying to swallow the bile that she felt rising to the surface of her constricted throat.

The cold clear gel was place on her skin; House shifted the transducer in his hand and the ceramic made contact with her abdomen. They looked to the screen at the same time, their breath held, but the image shown was nothing but grainy gray lines, and nothing else…House slowly slid the transducer from her left side to her right, his hand trembled…and then something began to form, something other than emptiness. A small round blur revealed unmistakably on the screen before them.

And inside the mass contained what looked to be a spark of light surrounded by the darkness...

Proof of their deeply embedded truth.

House lost his voice and turned away from the screen, and with an accidental shift of his hand, he found the right spot on her abdomen…and the small heartbeat began to resonate through the machine beside them.

The soft rhythmic sound overflowed the stark room. They sat there in shock, neither braving to look at another. Just utterly overtaken by a twist of fate that was almost beyond their capabilities to comprehend properly…given everything else they already felt pressing into their every movement.

House found a small round stool and sat down beside her, allowing her to take the transducer from his fingers. His heart felt like it was pumping out of his chest and his ears began to shriek.

"Say something." Her eyes bravely sought his, her deep voice implored him to gravitate towards her.

She got her wish as he shifted to face her fully; his hand reached out and clicked off the sound from the machine, quieting the soft beating of a newly formed heartbeat. "You first..."

"We…" Her legs swung slowly over the side of the bed and she sat upright, carefully lowering her shirt as if hiding her stomach would help their conversation. "We haven't always been careful."

"Just like before...but nothing happened then..." His tone matched her own, soft and terrified, "I thought you...couldn't-"

"-So did I."

House lowered his head, the pain bursting through his thigh pulled his focus, like it always had, and he impulsively rubbed the stabbing intrusion. The room grew still once more between them…for a long, long while…

"This is...wrong." It was House that broke through first with a nearly mute admission, "You…don't want a child of mine...I can't..."

"You can't what?" Her voice cracked.

"Be anyone's father."

"I think it's too late…Rachel already loves you like you're hers."

"That's different."

"How is that any-"

"-Because I didn't help to create her..." He got up from his seat, feeling a desperate urge to run boil within. "She doesn't have a part of me inside."

Cuddy stood up in response, knowing he was going to bolt any moment. This was _far_ too big of an event for House to handle. "And if she did, would you treat her any differently?"

"If she did…than she would be a different person…" His eyebrows knit together with undeniable emotion, "What are we even talking about, this is not about Rachel!" His words hit her powerfully, "This is only about the fetus growing inside you right now. One that neither of us planned for or-"

"-Or what…want?" Cuddy met his louder tone, and challenged where he was surely headed.

"Are you telling me that you want this?" He stepped to her. It was the closest they had been since she entered the room.

"I..." Her eyes moistened when the realization hit her, the truth that her insides were screaming throughout her spirit. It was all too much for her…just like him. The thought of having a baby brought into the picture on top of everything else…seemed wildly out of reach to her. "No..." She wiped the tears from her eyes, hating herself instantly for admitting that out loud. "But that doesn't change what has already been done. What we… created together."

"I need some..." He began to speak, but stayed rooted to his spot, appearing unsure whether his legs would actually work long enough to bring him to the door. "Air…" he finished methodically.

They stood perfectly still. Both looking anywhere but at each other, and as if on cue, Cuddy's phone vibrated vigoreously from the counter where she placed it when she first walked in.

"You should get that." House stared absently at the phone without bothering to fetch it. It seemed out of focus, blurrily coming into view. It continued to hum, finally stirring a brief bout of courage inside him to turn back to her one final time to meet her gaze. "I need to check on my team anyway." His hand turned the handle.

He wanted to say that this was not her fault. That they would get through it because ultimately he couldn't handle not being with her ever again, and he would have to accept whatever she chose.

But the insecurities that were always on hand kept him from admission. He wanted her to make the decision that he would never dare to suggest…allow them to carry on as they were. He already had everything he needed; he had a family that fit him just as he was. It was more than he ever thought he deserved.

The click echoed as the door closed behind him.

He never found the courage to say anything at all.

He needed to step away from it all, and she needed to do the same.

Cuddy placed her head into her palms and cried for what felt like eternity, her body racked with conflicting emotions. Finally her breath stilled and she looked around the empty room, feeling cold and exhaustion seep down into her bones. She stared at the blank monitor and sat back down beside it on the bed. The lights dimmed slowly back on as she pulled the machine closer to her and pressed the button.

Her shirt lifted, and the white ceramic came to reside in the precise spot she remembered from moments before.

And the rhythmic sound filled the room once more, as the image of their baby came into view on the screen before her frightened eyes.


	28. Chapter 27

**Would have had this up yesterday, but something just didn't feel right, so I tweaked some things here and there and am much happier now...**

**Hope to have the next one up soon! This one's kind of an in-between Chapter...but an important one I think. Next couple should be more eventful ;)**

**As always, I looooooove all of your reviews! **

* * *

><p>Wilson slipped into his apartment and tossed his keys onto the table in the obscurity of his entryway. His hand crept to the muscles by his neck and began to massage the exhaustive day away from his own shoulders. He allowed the world to dissolve in the black stillness around him, feeling relaxed for the first time all day, until his left jacket pocket began to vibrate against him.<p>

He took another pause before he started to remove himself from the constrictive garment, and his hand retrieved the annoyance with a scowl on his face. "Yeah?" He knew at this late hour this could only involve House.

"Wilson…its Cuddy."

He knew it… "What did he do?"

There was a pause from the other end of his phone, "Nothing…have you seen him?"

"Not since lunch. But I thought he was going to your place tonight-"

"-That didn't happen…I need you to find him."

Her voice seemed worn and scratchy, matching his tired tone. "Look, I just worked the last sixteen hours straight, I need you guys to _for once_ deal with whatever ridiculous fight or misunderstanding this phone call is based on and just-"

"-We didn't have a fight…but I'm worried."

"About what? His well-being…or him making a poor decision?"

"Both…but he's probably just at home…please Wilson." The words poured from her with subdued need.

"Why can't you go over there and check on him…what happened?" Wilson asked, even though he so desperately wanted to avoid being involved with their relationship, in any form.

"He left…upset…it's been a tough week."

"Are you going to tell me why he left or am I going in blind here? And if you tell me you broke up with him again, I'm hanging up." He sat down on a stool in the kitchen he had wandered to and listened intently for a reply, but all he heard was silence and what he thought was her sniffling,

"Cuddy?" His tone instantly changed to one filled with concern when he understood she was truly upset over something.

"I'm…pregnant." She whispered back to him.

Wilson was glad he was already sitting down, "I…when…how…" He shook his head to form a whole sentence, "Are you sure?"

"Yes…I'm…about six weeks. House did the ultrasound."

"When did you find out?"

"About four hours ago."

"And…I'm assuming that's the last time you saw him?"

"Yes."

"I'm heading to his apartment." He walked back towards the door he had just entered, phone in hand, and unhooked the same jacket from the coat rack, still digesting what he had just been told. "I _will_ find him…"

"I don't think he can handle…this."

Wilson stopped by the front door, wishing he could offer some sort of comfort for the enormity of the situation. "This is big...for anyone…but he's different now…maybe he _can _handle it. Or at least not go running to vicodin…" Wilson trailed off as he realized he had said precisely the wrong thing.

"I'm not so convinced of that…please find him. I don't want him to be alone tonight." She beseeched desperately, her voice so distinctly sad that Wilson could picture the face she was wearing on the other end.

"_I didn't take any pills_." A third voice edged into the conversation with slurred speech; pulling Wilson instantly in the direction of the familiar sound.

House leaned forward in his hidden spot from the chair in the corner of the room, his eyes appeared glassy and seemingly fixed on nothing specific. Wilson startled, the air sucked from his lungs before he recovered and walked closer to his inebriated friend.

He sighed into the phone, "He's here."

"Thank you." She whispered through the phone, and then a soft click was heard as she ended their call without another word.

"I thought about it…_pills_. They're in my pocket." House mumbled and clumsily managed to pull a full prescription bottle from his coat. They fell onto the floor in front of him, and he watched it carefully as the pills rolled by his feet.

Wilson bent to grab them and saw the empty amber bottle that was also on the floor. "I see you consumed Scotch instead…a lot of it."

"Yep. Figured plan B was the better option…those pills get me into trouble…and…I already have some problems. Didn't want…my…Cuddy leaving me again…cause she did before you know."

"I know…"

"_Because of_…_pills._" House attempted to point in the direction of the bottle Wilson was now holding in his hand. "I have some problems Wilson…"

"She's not going to leave you. "

"But she might…_now _cause I'm going to fail…her. I have _big_ problems…Wilson…" House leaned forward in his chair, slouching over with the weight of the world resting on his shoulders.

Wilson brought a chair from the other side of the room and placed it in front of his friend. He sat down carefully; hoping something brilliant would come to him. "Listen, Cuddy's not going anywhere…and _this…_" Wilson hesitated to think of the right words…

"_This…fetus…_" House finished for him.

"This baby…doesn't have to be a problem…I know this isn't something you planned but—"

"— It is…a problem…and I will fail…" House trailed off, gesturing with his hands helplessly.

"What does Cuddy think of all this?"

"She…I don't know." He mumbled confusedly, looking through Wilson.

"You didn't stay and talk with her after you found out?"

"I don't know what to…say…I couldn't tell her anything that…makes her happy…she's sad." House tried to get up from his seat but his legs wobbled wildly from his extremely drunken state.

Wilson placed his hands on his arms and guided him back down, "Stay and talk with me…I know you came here for solace."

"I came here…cause…you have Scotch."

"So do bars."

"She wants it…to keep…Wilson."

"Did she say that?"

"No…I could see…why does she…it will be bad."

"I'm pretty sure the baby needs to arrive first before you can deduce what the future will look like."

"I don't want it too."

"You don't mean that…I can tell by the way you looked away from me when you said that. You're scared, and you have every right to be…hell I'm scared."

"Why…did you get Cuddy pregnant…cause then I might have to…fight you."

"I'm scared because I know you two are under immense stress already…and to factor this in now, when your surgery—"

"—I don't want to talk about…that." House looked away, with more sorrow than Wilson had seen in his face in for a long time.

"We don't have to…but…that's what this is really about…isn't it?" He watched as House finally leaned back in his chair, his head rested heavily against the brown leather. Wilson could see his eyes glaze over, and it hurt him to witness all of his friend's pain that he could do nothing to relieve. "You're not going to die House…Cuddy won't be left alone with this baby."

"I guess if I did though…she would have a junior…thing of me…keep her company."

"You think Chase is going to let anything happen to you? You trust him, it's time you remembered that, and stop dwelling on the what-ifs. I mean…a baby." Wilson smiled a little at the thought of what his two best friends had created together, hoping it looked like Cuddy. "A baby is supposed to be a wonderful event. Not something that drives you away from the woman you love and into a full bottle of alcohol."

"It's not wonderful…everything was okay. Me…Cuddy and Rachel. Rachel…likes me…I don't have to be someone else…she is…we fit together and I…love her…but I am not her father…Cuddy is there…she does most of the work…I don't have to be anyone important…she doesn't have to look up to me."

"But she does. You are the closest thing to a Father that has ever been in her life."

"Lucas…he was better…he knew how."

"Forget Lucas, because I'm sure Rachel has. Cuddy picked you. Knowing full well that _you _would be an excellent Father for Rachel because that little girl loves you…she idolizes you House. Cuddy may do most of the work now, but that's only because she's used to being the only parent for Rachel, but that has slowly changed, and will continue to change…I think you know all of this." Wilson sighed and waited for House to respond, his expression was still so defeated, broken and far away.

"You're going to be okay House. And sooner than you think you will realize how lucky you are to be with the woman you have loved for most of your life…and now…to have created a life together. A tiny person that will embody both of you. Walk through life with two amazingly smart, and often, crazily manic parents. It bonds you two forever."

"We are already bonded forever." House slurred quietly, and leaned his head to the side of the chair, closing his eyes to the world. "I…need to sleep."

Wilson nodded to no one and brought a blanket from the sofa and covered him up, leaving him alone for the night to sleep it off and hopefully waken with a different perspective on the enormous day he had encountered.

Reaching for his phone on the counter, her quickly text Cuddy a message to ease her stress, then went down his darkened hallway to sleep his long crazy day away as well.

* * *

><p>"<em>House…wake up." He felt his right arm being squeezed tightly, little fingers digging deeper and deeper into his bicep before he could muster the strength to open his eyes.<em>

"_I can't find my Mommy." Rachel materialized before him, she was all alone; he could see her big brown eyes glisten even though the room was cloaked in nothing but shadows._

_He looked beyond her into the room…Wilson's room he recognized, and he had awoken on Wilson's brown leather chair with a blanket draped across his lap. Moments started to piece back together as he recalled why he had ended up there in the first place. _

_Cuddy was pregnant._

_And he had left her standing there, unfailingly proceeding to be the coward that she always could count on…drinking to the brink of nothing. House reached for his pounding head… _

"_House where is she?" _

_Rachel drew back his focus and his eyes adjusted to her. "What are you doing here?" _

"_Because my Mommy's gone. You's have to help me." Her voice grew more frantic, her fingers clawed even further into his arm, he hadn't even realized she was still clutching._

_In that moment he knew that this was only a dream. His mind was certainly trapped inside the potent alcohol that was coursing through his veins. _

_He looked to the floor by his feet. An amber bottle lay on its side. Empty…and similar colored bottle of pills lay beside it. House felt his heart stop as he tried to remember whether he had succumbed to his ultimate weakness. He felt himself bend over to retrieve it, noticing the bottle felt heavy to him. He pulled it up eye level and saw the crux of his existence…a full bottle of the poison that destroyed his life more than once._

_The lid was in place, not a pill was consumed…He hadn't given in this time, and the bottle was tossed behind him, rattling in the quiet. _

_He turned back to Rachel, "When was the last time you saw her?" Somehow he felt the urgency to help her, even though he knew she was only a fantasy._

"_I don't know." _

_House did a double take; everything about her seemed to suddenly grow smaller when she spoke. Her face began to change; her cheeks became rounder like she appeared when they first began their relationship. Her voice grew softer, less able to speak as clearly as before. _

"_What the hell just happened?" He spoke to no one, his arms instinctively reached to pick up the now sobbing toddler. He felt her hands wrap around his neck like she was clinging to him…_

_But then another moment passed by, and in his arms appeared only that of a baby. Her body even felt warmer against his chest. _

_House moved quickly to the foyer, the only thought coursing through him was the need to find Cuddy. His hand flung open Wilson's door, the hallway before him remained blurry until his eyes refocused, and he was standing inside his office, the baby still cradled in his arms, Rachel…he remembered. Somehow he was holding Rachel, as she was over four years before. _

_His office appeared empty. He moved to the glass door to see if Cuddy was anywhere close, but he already knew he was alone._

_House looked around for clues, crossing behind his desk he looked to the surface as if he were trying to piece together a puzzle. _

"_You found her." Her low voice pulled his eyes towards his office doorway, where Cuddy suddenly stood with a deeply placed frown on her face. She raced towards him and grasped the baby from his arms as if she didn't trust him to hold her any longer._

"_Yes…I found her. I…I took care of her." _

"_Thank you. But I'm here now…I know you never wanted me to keep her. You made it absolutely clear you wanted no part in her life."_

_He felt as though he'd been slapped. "That…was a long time ago…back during the time that you weren't sure you should keep her either…" _

_Cuddy began to walk away from him, angrily moving towards the door. _

"_You know that I don't think that anymore. I love her." He called out to her._

_She halted her movement, "Only as much as you're capable of loving House."_

"_What does that mean? You know how hard I've been trying."_

"_I need a man that I can count on every single day. I'm a Mother now…and you…have never wanted to be a Father. _

"_Well it seems a bit late now for that. You're pregnant. Isn't that why I'm having this screwed-up dream?" He came around the desk to her, but she quickly recoiled like he was a disease, and it stopped him in his tracks. _

_He could feel her contemptuous stare from miles away. Having her look at him that way felt like burning alive. _

"_I'm done…this isn't going to work." _

"_You got that right, not like this—in bizarre land."_

"_You will never be the man that I need." She backed away from him, Rachel somehow no longer held in her hands._

"_This isn't right." He shook his head strongly against the backward images and words spewing before him. "You don't really believe all of this. I know you believe in me now…I can feel it. This is my fear talking."_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Yes! I just need to wake up." He shut his eyes tightly to her, not being able to look at her judging expression any longer. His hands flew up to rub vigorously at his eyes, trying to stab the dream away, stimulate his mind enough to rouse him from sleep._

_House took deep ragged breaths before he finally braved to open his eyes. His office still sat before him, but his perspective had changed. He was now sitting in his cushioned chair that sat beside his door, his legs resting on the ottoman. Cuddy stood before him, cradling a baby once more. "Move your feet…" She spoke to him, her eyes smiled with crystal clarity, but her voice echoed in his head like a distant memory._

"_Are you trying to annoy me?" She was now facing him, their knees touching ever so gently._

"_I'm trying to explain you." His voice sounded without his conscious choosing as he watched the scene unfold before him. _

"_I know it doesn't make any sense but…it was real. It was there." Cuddy's eyes returned to Rachel, only two months old swaddled up in a blanket, a pink hat settled upon her tiny pale head. _

_He remembered thinking that he'd never seen that much light emanating from her eyes before that very moment. She was a Mother…just like that, and she had finally found the love of her life. "You want to hold her?" She shifted her new child in her arms without waiting for acceptance, "Here come say hi." She spoke to the both of them, handing House her daughter. There were no hesitations._

_House watched intently as a small wrinkly Rachel was held out in front of him to take. "You think we'll bond?" He took her carefully in his hands, feeling instantly that he would break her in half if he held on to her too hard. _

_A little ball of flesh sat before him, Rachel's round eyes that he was so familiar with now, gazed at him so distinctly, like she was studying him in the same intimate manner that he took in her…as if that were the precise moment they connected. _

_He could feel Cuddy watching him intently, sensing her contented smile. He knew what would happen next, the moisture from her spit-up splattered on his neck as if written in a script._

_Cuddy laughed…_

_He turned to her, "Is that cute?" _

_She looked radiant; it was the only thing stopping him from being perturbed that he smelled like sour milk. _

"_A little…" She kept smiling._

"_If I threw up on you, you'd be pissed."_

"_Your puke isn't as cute."_

_He could watch her smile forever…_

"_You found her!" Suddenly a full sized Rachel came running into the room, interrupting the memory before him and inverting the image in his mind. Cuddy sat in front of him, motionless, the baby cradled in her arms mimicked her unmoving stance. House's stomach churned, unnerved by how empty she now appeared. _

"_Mommy?" Rachel hesitantly approached her side._

"_Uh…" House moved to stand in front of her, trying to block her view, "Rachel—Mommy's sleeping, let's go…somewhere else."_

"_Who's that?" Rachel pointed to the baby she saw the moment she entered the room. _

"_That's a baby." He sighed, callously pinching his arm to wake him up from his insane dream._

"_But…I'm her baby." Rachel looked up to him, helpless and lost. _

"_Well technically that is you." He muttered under his breath. "And I'm a crazy person that desperately misses being awake."_

_She remained glued to her motionless Mother, "House…is she my Mommy still?" _

"_Of course…she's your Mommy. She's just…pretending to be a mime at the moment. "_

"_She's not…she doesn't love me anymore…she has you…and her." She pointed; her voice reverberated eerily off the walls around them._

"_Oh good God." He looked to the ceiling, and away from every ounce of emotion he was spewing forth in his tumultuous dream; his subconscious speaking through the eyes of the child in front of him. _

"_Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" He began to jump up and down, his leg throbbed but his heart quickened enough to think it was working. _

_Then the walls shook underneath him, and he began to fall through the floor…_

_The crumbled wood flew passed his head as he tumbled with intense speed towards the blackness below._

House choked in his sleep, lucidly drifting somewhere between hallucination and reality. He coughed and his breath hitched irregularly as the burn in his throat threatened to strangle him. Eyes burst open as he sucked in a lungful of air, and he looked around the room.

Wilson's dark living room, he remembered using his key to get inside.

He looked down to a woolen blanket that was currently twisted tightly around his hands, as if he were holding on to it for dear life in his sleep.

It took him a moment to recover, to truly confirm he had risen from the bizarre haze. Everything felt strange to him. His heart pounded heavily, and he knew with certainty that he was still not remotely sober.

The watch on his wrist read _three-thirty _in the morning… hours had passed by…

His stood up without thinking, finding his cane just beside him. House moved to the door and out into the common hallway, knowing only one thing for sure…

He needed to see her.

* * *

><p>It was nearing four in the morning when Cuddy shifted in bed and glanced to her clock for what felt like the hundredth time since she foolishly forced herself to lay down. She groaned outwardly to no one but herself, oozing with frustration from her solitude. Her hands balled into fists as she stared up at the ceiling, not bothering to close her eyes anymore.<p>

She hated being alone, especially on a night when her mind absolutely refused to allow her to forget anything that had transpired over the last day. Not for even one second could she forget that she was carrying a life inside her. A second child, one that she would give birth too…something that she had craved for most of her adult life…

Something she never thought possible.

But she had given up on that urge the moment she had Rachel, placed the feeling away and moved on to cherish every single minute she got to spend with her amazing daughter. She felt lucky. Her child was special, loving, incredibly smart and funny…she was perfect. The permanent remedy to fix her unfulfilled heart.

Cuddy's eyes welled as she thought of all change that would come into her life now.

Not only did she feel old; too old to give birth to anyone…but the thought of Rachel's world changing and disrupting their incredibly close relationship with someone that would take some of her attention away from her daughter, made her heart break.

What if Rachel started to believe that she wasn't as special?

She didn't come from Cuddy's stomach and House wasn't her Father…but he was this baby's, just as she was this baby's birth Mother. She had always been open with Rachel about where she came from, but to a four year old it wasn't an important piece of knowledge, not yet. Though Cuddy never for a second deluded herself into thinking that someday it wouldn't have an effect on her. Knowing her real Mother died, that her parents were far too young to have had her in the first place…and she was left with no one.

Cuddy allowed the tears to fall. Her face was already raw with the emotions that seemed to poor out of her every hour since the moment House placed the cold gel onto her stomach. She wiped them away with ferocity and considered going into Rachel's room and snuggling next to her, it was the only thing that came to her mind that might offer some sort of appeasing comfort to her now.

Her feet felt the cold wood floor, and she moved without second guessing herself down the hall to Rachel's closed door.

But she paused…feeling somewhat pathetic, and she knew she would wake her up just by laying on the bed. Her forehead rested against the door, her breath was weakly ragged…in that moment she felt more helpless that she thought possible.

It was a knock on the door, one that she had been anticipating most of the night, that quickened her heart, brought life back to her step as she bridged the gap quickly. Her hand reached for the brass knob and opened up to him…

House stood on the porch in front of her, sweaty and exhausted, but his powerful eyes bored into her. Instantly fixated on her movements as she silently stepped aside to allow him to enter.

"Hey," she spoke in a hushed tone, trying not to wake her closely sleeping daughter. She felt overwhelmed to see him; with happiness and relief that he finally came to her, but also clouded with severe anxiety for what had yet to be spoken between them.

"I woke you up." He mimicked her softness and hobbled slowly inside.

"No…I was awake." She knew right away he was still drunk from when Wilson had messaged her earlier, or maybe he just continued to drink, she thought.

"It's four in the morning."

"Yeah I know."

"You should be asleep."

"Why…so I could be woken by you at four thirty in the morning?" It came out more pointed than she had intended and it did not go unnoticed by him. She watched his face fall even sadder and she immediately wished she could take it back. "Are you okay," she stepped closer to his side, attempting to show him she was by no means angry with him. "You're covered in sweat."

"Healthy exercise."

"Don't tell me you walked here."

"Okay…I won't tell you that."

"House, that's over two miles. You're leg must be excruciating right now." Her hand went to his thigh with concern.

"Ow! Yes it is. Don't stop touching me." House held a hint of a smirk, as he leaned into her touch, trapping her hand between their bodies. Her eyebrows rose with a sigh gracing her lips as she caught onto his tease. "That's the beauty of waking up in a recliner chair still drunk. No pain-"

"-Till tomorrow."

"It is tomorrow."

"And what am I smelling…" Her face came in close to his neck, taking in his current powerful scent. "Gin?"

"Scotch…probably seeping through my pores at the moment." He studied her when she pulled back to look at him again, their faces remained close. House could see the deep shadows under her eyes, covering her faint freckles, but she still looked so beautiful to him; more stunning then any woman he would ever know, and he was once again reminded of how in love with her he would forever be.

And in that moment he successfully replaced the image of her from his haunting dream. The cold stare she had fashioned to him with vehemence was nowhere in her face. He only saw her love, her need for him…it was all he needed to feel like he could handle it all if he just got to keep her…

"I thought you were going to stay at Wilson's." Her voice pulled him from his brief reverie.

"Is that why you waited up for me?"

"I stopped thinking you were going to come awhile ago…but I still couldn't sleep."

"I'm sorry…I should have been here sooner."

"It okay. I'm glad you're here now."

"I needed to see you…kind of what woke me up. Couldn't fight the urge any longer. " His hand found hers and pulled her gently into him. She came to him without pause, his senses instantaneously got lost in the smell of her hair. He placed a kiss on the top of her head; his arms wound loosely around her, his body still tingled from the alcohol coursing through his blood stream.

"You smell." She mumbled into his chest, not able to see the genuine smile that began to pull at the corners of his mouth in response.

Despite everything that was happening in his life, she was able to medicate his fears more than any drug or drink he could recklessly drown inside of. He felt her fingers dig further into his back, holding him tighter against her, as if she were thinking the same thing about him…and they clung to each other in the night of the hallway, giving in to the comfort they could so easily find just by being near. He pulled away to look at her, his hand came up to touch the satin skin of her face, tracing the line of her jaw with his finger. "You've been crying."

"And you've been drinking." She whispered back, "If I had been…I might not have been crying. It was a very…emotional day for both of us."

"Why what happened?" House looked innocently down to her, and was rewarded with the feeling of her hand squeezing his arm in response to his off-colored quip. But he saw the hint of a smile and a slight eye roll briefly cross her face, and he knew he succeeded in at least distracting her a little. "You think asking for a kiss right now would be out of the question."

"Only because your breath stinks worse than your body." She replied, but she drew up on her toes anyway. Her fingers wrapped softly around his neck, and she rewarded him with a brief gentle kiss before she placed her feet flat on the floor.

"That bad huh?" He studied her pursed lips from his odor tickling her senses.

"No…I love the smell of Scotch at five in the morning. "

"Who's the comedian now? " His voice was tender as he toyed with a long strand of her hair, hating how weakened he felt from the enormity of the situation, but trying with all his might to hold onto the burst of strength he felt inside. "How about…you can be done crying… " He caressed her flushed cheek with his thumb, "And I think I can be done with drinking anything for a long time." He swallowed heavily from the taste of his drink of choice threatening to burn a hole in his stomach. "I need a shower."

"I think I'm okay with that." She held his gentle gaze, basking in the way he was fingering her hair, his other hand came down from her face and pressed against the small of her back.

It was the undeniable love she felt still radiating from his stare that soothed her enough to finally ease the last few hours of overbearing stress. She had to remember they were a stronger couple than before, and that maybe this time everything would be alright.

"Come with me. At least to hold onto me. I'm a drunken cripple in need of some assistance." She slyly smiled up at him, but he could still see that the light was lost from her eyes. "We will talk…after I stop smelling like my Father." He leaned closer into her once again, and enveloped her body, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

Cuddy wound her arms around his torso and held onto him, internally chastising herself for not remembering that House's fear of Fatherhood was due largely to the poor relationship he had with his own Dad. Something she also needed to remember…and to accept, if she ever wanted to fully understand his trepidations.

She unfolded from him slightly, pulling up on her toes she found the spot on his neck that always elicited a sigh of contentment from his lips, and kissed it gently, "Let's go." She gave him another, stronger smile, and laced her fingers with his to pull him down the hall.

"Mommy is it time to get up?" Rachel's small voice stopped their movement. She stood in the middle of the hallway, clearly having been observing them for some time.

"No it's not sweetie. House just came by to sleep, let's get you back to bed." She regretfully let go of House's hand and stepped towards her daughter.

"_But…"_ she sniffed; rubbing her nose with the doll she was holding. "_I want House to tuck me in." _

Cuddy could feel House's emotions before she even chanced to turn back to him. His face expressed sorrow as his mind was internally raging a war on what to do. She knew being around Rachel in his current intoxicated state was the last thing he would need right now. It would only serve to further prove to him that he would turn out to be a Father just like the one he had to endure his whole life.

"It's okay I have this. Go…shower." She stepped closer and kissed his cheek briefly. A reminder that he didn't have to add this minuscule moment to the list of events they had to deal with from the day's drastic turn of events.

House stood statuesquely still, watching as Rachel squirmed and reached her hand out to him from behind her Mothers back. Her big expressive eyes welled when he made no movement to go to her, and her muffled sobs were all he heard before they both disappeared into her bedroom and the door closed behind them.

Just that brief moment...the pain he had caused Rachel felt unbearably crushing. Her sobs echoed inside his mind, and he felt frozen to his spot in the foyer, having no idea which direction to follow next.

He shook his head against it, trying to break free of the sadness he had just inflicted upon a helpless child…just like that in his dream.

He swallowed the pain, his tongue felt like sandpaper and his legs wobbled more than normal as his footing finally carried him to the pitch black bathroom. The door closed behind him, ragged breaths from a weary man was the only sound that filled the cold room. Slowly his clothes were unraveled from his limbs, a candle was struck in order to see just enough to cleanse his body, the faucet was turned, and the water began to steam around him…

* * *

><p>It took longer than she had imagined to get Rachel quieted down. Her sobs continued as Cuddy laid her back upon her blankets. She cuddled her. Kept her warmly snug and hummed her favorite song, rubbing her arm softly up and down until her breathing steadied and she drifted to sleep.<p>

House was already in bed when she finally came into her quiet unlit bedroom. The softening moonlight streamed in through the windows, accented House's profile as he stared up at the ceiling, his hands folded over his heart, appearing the picture of calm…but Cuddy knew he was anything but.

Her legs shifted underneath her as she sat next to him on the bed, facing him, her arms came up to wrap her thin robe closer around her body. She mentally pushed aside the need to go to him, throw her arms around him and just go to sleep, forget all of it.

They needed to talk, nothing had yet to be said…and there was so much that desperately needed to be.

After what felt like sometime, House's resonate voice finally broke through the hush that had settled between them. "I don't know...what to say."

"I'm not sure I do either."

"All night since we…" His eyes glanced over to her for the first time since she sat beside him, "It's the only thing I keep coming back too…I don't know what to say to you."

She could hear the ache in his voice, "Is it because…you don't want me to keep this-"

"No." He interrupted without pause. "I don't want that."

Her eyes grew wide from the way his words dripped with sincerity, "You don't?"

"No." House replied softly. "But…I did think about it. After I left the hospital…having to process this on top of everything else wrong…with my head. It seemed logical…and I'm tired of the odds piling up against me."

"What changed you mind?"

"You…" House's eyes wandered down to her abdomen for the first time since he held the ultrasound equipment in his trembling hands many hours before. "This isn't just about me. I know that sentence seems odd coming from my mouth since I spend most of my time thinking the opposite is true. But this…will also be a part of you…something that you thought you would never have. I know what it did to you…when you gave up on that dream. The hold it had on you…and I can't be responsible for wanting to take that away from you all over again. What I want more than anything…is for you to be happy."

Her eyes moistened, his tenderness was so raw it stole her breath away. "And I have been…_you_ have made me happy House. But…don't you know that all I want is the exact same thing for you. I know this isn't something you've ever craved in your life. I would never blame you for feeling that way, and with everything else there is to be scared of right now…" She looked away from him; the tears began to fall despite her strongest efforts as she allowed her biggest fear to finally absorb into her.

"You mean our uncertain future? " He read her mind.

"I…can't imagine doing this without you. I can barely wrap my head around doing…_this_…" she glanced down to her stomach, "…at all right now."

"Are you saying…that…_you _don't want it?"

"It's our baby." Her voice broke in a wisp of sound. "Of course I want to keep it. I could never…" She caught her breath, "But is this something I _needed_ in my life…no. I don't want this to be a burden that swallows you…or our relationship. I could never ask for better than what you already give so freely to Rachel. You have been amazing with her… you have always been amazing with her. And I know that it's hard for you, something beyond your comfort, and this…will only be more of that stress. Can you really…handle that?"

"I don't know…" House shook his head and felt ashamed to meet her eyes. "I'm sorry. I wish I could be everything that you need…but…the truth is any other man would be better equipped to handle a baby than me."

"You _are_ everything that I need."

"Are you sure…because I can see if Wilson's available."

Her throaty laugh filled the room as she buried her tear streaked face between her hands and removed the rest of the moisture from her cheeks. "I'm not sure Wilson could handle my insanity like you can."

"You're probably right."

"Chase…maybe."

"It's about time you admitted your lust for Captain Australia."

"Sorry it took me so long." She bridged the distance between them and brought her back to rest next to his side against the pillows. "And I'm sorry that this is happening…now."

He turned his head to look at her, "It's not your fault. I believe I played a part in contributing to it all…"

"Yeah…" She sighed in agreement. The foggy repercussions from her lack of sleep invaded her mind with each new minute that past.

"Unless you have something else to share with me tonight."

She narrowed her brows at him with a scoff, "Yes…this baby might come out looking a little darker than the both of us…but you have nothing to be worried about."

"So Foreman too huh? He's so not your type you know."

"You're right…too stoic, not nearly maniacal enough for me." She yawned and turned her head as her eyes began to droop.

"Stoic is good though…when it comes to raising a baby." His soft, careful tone caused her eyes to open to his worry.

"Maybe…but I think love is what matters most…when you have that…at the end of the day everything else falls into place."

Suddenly his dream screamed back at him…her taunting words vibrated within…_'Only as much as your capable of loving House…'_" His eyes tightly shut against it, fighting the urge to cower from the painful truth.

"House…what is it?"

He turned to her, braving to ask, "Do you really think I'm capable…of opening myself up…enough…"

"Absolutely…you already have." Her fatigued eyes met his uncertainty with only love in her heart. Her lips leaned into his, lingering in the warmth kissing him would always instantly spread through her.

As the night faded into early dawn Cuddy reached for his hand lying beside her thigh and locked his strong palm securely to her own. She pondered the look in his expression. He was just as tired as she was; the long day into night had taken a toll on both of their psyches. She could see his eyes process something, straying from her gaze to study the ceiling while lost in his contemplations.

Then, the bed shifted beneath her as House turned his body to lie on his side, finally facing her quiet observation.

A slight movement caught her attention, as his free hand came into view and his warm tentative fingers began to move the fabric of her cotton shirt, exposing her skin for just a moment before coming to rest in the curve of her stomach…

Knowing the exact spot where the heartbeat sounded softly through the old machine hours before…

"We should sleep." He mumbled with eyes already closing.

Not waiting for her reply, he inched even closer to her side, burying his face in the hair tangled by her shoulder…

His fingers remained splayed protectively over the new life he was now responsible for, as they both fell asleep.


	29. Chapter 28

**Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Darn Holidays will put a damper on my writing…hope this will tide you over till I get back Travel Safe!**

* * *

><p>"You looked three times. You are only posed to look two times House." Rachel sat with her legs crisscross on the bed, looking like a truly perturbed adult as she stared down her cheating opponent.<p>

"You know if you keep placing your hands on your hips like that, they are going to glue permanently to your sides."

"No they're not."

"How do you know?"

"Cause you are just being silly."

"I'm almost never silly."

"_Yes you's are_."

"You think you already have me figured out huh?"

"Yep."

He narrowed his eyes at her, "Just take your turn. And I only looked two times by the way."

"_You did not_. You found the jump rope, the um…ice cream and starfish."

"You know what they do to narks in school right?"

Rachel ignored him completely and resumed studying the small upside down squares in front of her. Her mind extremely focused as her tongue came out to worry over her lip, another thing she mimicked of her Mother, House observed with fondness. "I matched it!" She exclaimed as she found the two turtles she had been searching for the whole game.

"Show off."

"I go again." She turned over two cards quickly that mismatched with a frown. "You're turn. Bet you can't find the flamingos!" She squealed with a smug look towards House.

"Actually I can find every single match right now. I'm just being nice…which is quite hard for me you know."

"You cannot find them all."

"Wanna bet?"

"Yes."

"_Never bet against House, Rachel_." Cuddy's voice called from somewhere inside her bathroom, her head peeked out for just a second with a curling iron in her hand to observe her two favorite people sitting upon her bed.

"Don't listen to her, what's your wager." House wiggled his eyebrows at her.

For the last week he had been teaching Rachel all about poker. She had a real knack for winning all of his cheerios too, even learning the lingo that came with the game with fervor in her eyes. Cuddy had already admonished him for turning her daughter into an obsessive game player with a potential future gambling problem, but the fire had already been lit within her.

"Uh...I bet you can't gets all of those matches and if you does I will...um..." she put her fingers to her lips in thought, "Give you a cookie."

"You mean that sugarless ball of yuck that your Mother calls desert?"

"_House_." Cuddy called loudly.

"_I think someone needs to worry about finishing getting ready in there so we can go. Stevie isn't going to wait for us all night you know_." House called back just as loud then turned to his tiny challenger. "Instead of a cookie...I think if I get all of these matches right now, then you have to put on a show for Wilson tonight. A circus perhaps. I'm talking stuffed animals, magic tricks, jokes, audience participation…and it has to take a _really long time_ to finish. Deal?"

"Okay! Deal!" She boasted and reached out her hand so they could shake on it.

House smiled and began to quickly turn over the rest of the cards in perfect matches, thirteen in all, and placed them in a stack next to his outstretched thigh. "I win."

Rachel's mouth hung open wide. Utterly dumbstruck from the swiftness of his accumulations, and by the fact that she had just lost badly. "How did you do that...can you teach me?"

"You got a photographic memory?"

"Um I don't know."

"I think I might be able to give you some of my skills. That way you can play against all the slobbery kids your age and win every time."

"Yay! Okay I'm ready." She pulled her stack and House's together into one big pile and looked back up to him eagerly.

"He will have to teach you later sweetie. Wilson will be here any minute so that House and I can go to the show. Remember?" Cuddy finally emerged from inside the bathroom, standing in front of them looking the picture of perfection.

"_But Mom_."

House was immediately entranced by the vision standing at the foot of the bed. Her beautifully sculpted legs were bare and silken, covered only by a black dress that flowed from her hips to a few inches above her knees, and a pair of high heels that House had never seen before accented her feet…

Intoxicatingly so…

Cuddy took notice of his gawking stare, proud of herself for still having what it took to create that expression on his face. "You like?" She smiled at them both, but her eyes held onto his.

"Yes Mommy!"

House tried to maintain composure, clearing his throat against his haziness. "I think it's Stevie worthy."

"Well…that's what I was going for."

The smile upon her face lit up her eyes, and all he could think was how much he wanted to have his lips on hers, not really caring about the concert anymore. "New dress?"

"Maybe."

"And shoes?"

She looked down to her feet; her perfect long curls fell across her face. "I know they aren't h-o-o-k-e-r boots." She spelled out the word she didn't need Rachel to hear, "Like my very demanding boyfriend had requested originally…but do I still get to accompany him?"

"I think they'll do. Stevie won't be able to tell the difference anyway." House got up from the bed and reached for his cane as the knock from Wilson's arrival sounded against the front door.

"I'll get it!" Rachel bounced off the bed the causing the memory game pieces to scatter by her feet. "Oops."

"It's okay I will get it. The door is open just make sure it's Wilson first." Cuddy replied watching her daughter run down the hall as she felt House's hand grab onto hers and pull her into him before she could bend over and pick the game off the floor.

His arms encircled her low on the waist and she studied him with a tilt of the head. "Well hello." She whispered with a smile.

"_Who is it?" _Rachel declared from down the hall.

"_Wilson_."

Cuddy gazed longingly to her handsome date, "Was there something you wanted to say? I don't think I've ever known you to be this quiet."

"Just…stay close to me tonight okay. You look…" House raised his eyebrows and nodded his head, choking on the corniness that he felt about to emerge from his mouth.

"Thank you." She laughed and shook her head at him. "You look," she mimicked his awkward movements, "Too." She kissed his warm lips softly.

"Guess the dates already started."

"Yep." Rachel squeaked. Wilson and her both willfully interrupting them, standing side by side in the doorframe like spies. "They kiss a lot." She giggled up to her sitter for the evening.

"Don't I know it."

"Uh excuse me Bert and Ernie." House grumbled.

"Come on…just let me grab my coat." Cuddy broke free of his embrace and disappeared to her closet. She re-entered the room and began to put her arms through the sleeves.

"You know I would be more than happy to keep you warm if you want to just forget bringing a jacket at all." He smirked.

Cuddy bit back a grin, "I think I'll bring it…just in case." She looked down to clasp the buttons and suddenly the room began to wobble in front of her. "Um…"

She took a shaky breath and House instantly saw the look in her face. "Seriously, now?"

"Like I can help it." Her hand flew to her mouth before the bathroom door closed behind her like a flash. House heard the faucet turn on full blast as she tried to hide the sounds of her morning sickness from three sets of ears in the next room.

House tried his best not to listen past her muffled attempts at being discreet, but he couldn't stop his mind from buzzing with the thought that it was _his_ unborn child that was currently wreaking havoc on the love of his life.

He turned to his left and motioned slightly for Wilson to take Rachel away from the room.

"Come on Rach. Let's go and…pick out a movie." Wilson patted her head.

"Is Mommy sick?" Her face filled instantly with worry.

"Her tummy hurts a little, but she will be just fine. Come on kid."

Rachel paused and looked between the two men as if she was trying to judge their honesty. "Okay." She agreed and followed Wilson down the hall holding onto his hand.

House watched them go before he focused his attention back to the closed door in front of him, pondering whether or not she would want him to go in there and comfort her, or leave her alone in her momentary misery.

They had barely spoken of her pregnancy in the week that followed their monumental discovery. Coming to a mutual unspoken agreement that there would be time to talk further once House's surgery became a footnote in their past.

He could sense that she was trying to shield him from her morning sickness as best she could. Like if she allowed him to truly be a comfort for her then that would only prove to be another burden for him to deal with in his uneasy time of unknowing. House secretly was grateful for this, for her intuitiveness in understanding that he was barely holding it all together, but a part of him was starting to feel a distancing from her that began to make him uncomfortable.

His feet inched towards the door, his brows knit together in concern as his hand poised to reach for the doorknob, but stopped when the sound of the toilet flushing echoed in the bedroom. He listened further as she shuffled about, not thinking to move out of the way when the door opened up in front of him.

"Oh my God…" she startled, her hand flew up to her heart, "House, what?"

"Uh…you okay." He faltered at being caught.

"Yeah." A hint of a smile flitted across her lips when she comprehended his concern. "Were you listening?"

"Not intentionally."

"Oh…sorry about that."

"Don't apologize." He mumbled, "Is…everything better now?"

Cuddy's eyes wandered across his face, loving how handsome he looked in his dark blazer and t-shirt. She placed a hand against his chest and stepped closer to him, "Yes I think so…but I'm not loving the fact that I managed to ruin the sexy image I was going for tonight with this outfit, in a matter of minutes."

"Trust me, nothing can ruin what I think of you in that dress." He cupped her hand resting on his chest. "Unless you puked on it." He made a teasing sour face.

"Nope. I have good aim remember."

"How could I forget."

She smiled and moved away from him to retrieve her coat from the bathroom counter. "You ready?"

House nodded and held out his hand to her, lacing his fingers in hers with gentle pressure before he led her down her darkening hallway.

"Rach, were leaving can I have a kiss?" Cuddy titled her head towards the shuffling in her living room as little feet emerged running fast to grip around her neck in a fierce hug. "I love you baby. Be good for Wilson. Bedtime is eight-thirty, and don't be sneaky and try to stay up late okay."

Rachel nodded absently, "Mommy your tummy is better?"

"Yes it is much better."

"Maybe you's can stay here with us and watch Robin Hood okay?"

"Well I think House would be so sad if I didn't go to the show. He picked out these tickets for us…but I promise I will watch Robin Hood this week with you alright."

"Tomorrow?" She smiled wide.

"Uh…"Cuddy shifted uncomfortably, knowing House's surgery was scheduled for the following morning. "We'll see. But I promise this week."

"House you come over and watch it too. It's my favorite."

House worried his mouth slightly as he looked down to her, trying to decide what to say, "I'm going away for a little while…so you'll have to watch it without me. But I need you to do me a favor while I'm away."

"What is it?"

"You take care of your Mom alright. Make sure she eats all her vegetables and goes to bed on time, especially on school nights. Got it?"

Rachel bit her lip, "Yep."

House held up a fist, and Rachel bumped it with her own, but then reached out and clasped her tiny body around House's good leg. Her eyes squeezed shut as she said her goodbyes to her best friend.

Cuddy watched the scene before her with silent tears burgeoning in her eyes. House's hand moved by his side, coming up to rub the hair on the top of her head, patting it awkwardly as he began to feel uncomfortable with the open display of affection he was receiving.

"Don't forget…you lost a bet."

"Oh yeah!" She looked up with a squeal and unlatched herself from his thigh, swiftly going down the hall and disappearing into her bedroom.

House looked up mischievously to a clueless Wilson who had been observing House's tender moment with Rachel from the living room sofa. "Good luck tonight."

Wilson squinted his eyes at his friend, "What did you tell her to do?"

"I told her nothing…just a friendly wager that she unfortunately was on the losing end of."

"I'm sure." Wilson walked towards them.

"She already ate dinner and had desert so she's good. Just one book before bed and then lights out." Cuddy reached out and squeezed his arm, "Thank you for doing this."

"It's the least I can do."

"And you have the directions to drop off Rachel at school in the morning. Her clothes are laid out in her room. My phone will be on all night, just call if anything-"

"-He's got it Cuddy." House whispered, sensing her growing stress. "Come on." He opened the door then reached down for the small overnight bag Cuddy had packed hours before.

"I'll see you both in the morning."

"Yeah." Cuddy allowed a sigh of tension to be released from within before she looked away from Wilson and followed House out into the brisk night.

* * *

><p>The club was lowly lit inside, and crowded to capacity once they finally made it to their reserved private booth in the corner of the room. House tipped some unknown man that led them to their table and Cuddy knew it must have cost a pretty penny to have something reserved for them when Stevie Wonder was about to make an appearance.<p>

She removed her jacket, placed it next to her on the soft black leather cushion, and waited patiently for House to bring back some drinks, wishing that she could indulge in something stronger than ginger ale as the impending morning began to gnaw at her stomach more than it ever had before.

"Excuse me."

Cuddy looked up into the eyes of a nicely dressed attractive stranger. "Well that didn't take long." She mumbled to herself. "Yes?"

"I can't imagine that someone as beautiful as you is here alone tonight, but in the off chance that you are with some of your friends I wanted to introduce myself. I'm Greg."

Cuddy snickered at the odd coincidence in his name and shook his hand for a moment so as not to be outwardly rude. "Hi Greg…nice to meet you, but I'm afraid you were correct about me not being here alone."

He frowned and held her hand for longer than necessary. "Ah…my mistake. You are just incredibly pretty, I couldn't resist."

"Well thank you."

"I don't see a ring…does that mean there still might be a chance-"

"-No…sorry." She cut into his curiosity, "He's it for me, there's no room for anyone else I'm afraid. Nor will there ever be."

"I leave for five minutes and already the vultures are circling." House emerged from the bar, having observed the younger and unfortunately good-looking man begin to hover over his woman.

The stranger made a face as he took in the cane and the older face of the gentleman approaching with two drinks in his hand. "Him?" He gawked openly.

Cuddy was instantly irritated by his audacity, "What can I say. I love a man with a rap sheet." She said in all seriousness.

"Murder…Second Degree. But next time I really want to try for First. I always hated being an underachiever." House added, eager to play along. He set his drinks down and stood up taller, shifting his cane in his hands as if it might be the very thing he used to commit his false crime.

The guy's eyes widened ever so slightly before he put his hands up in the air in mock surrender. "Good luck with that." He glanced back to Cuddy and then turned and walked swiftly away.

"My Knight in shining armor."

"I told you to stay close to me tonight."

"You also told me to sit while you got my drink. Make up your mind." She smirked at him fondly as he slid into the booth close to her side.

"I didn't think it would happen _that _quickly."

"You under estimate to power of the small black dress." She took a sip.

"Never again." He put his arm protectively around her, kissing the top of her sweetly scented curls as she leaned her head against his shoulder and placed her hand on his damaged thigh. "You're my woman." He grunted affectionately.

Cuddy laughed into him, "Always." She lightly massaged his sore muscle the way she knew brought him relief. "When does the show start?"

"Nine." He glanced to his watch, "In a few minutes actually."

"What are you drinking?"

"A man's drink."

She lifted her head off him to look into his face, "House…I don't think alcohol is recommended the night before-"

"-My cut off to begin my fast is ten. I still have an hour Dr. Cuddy."

She rolled her eyes as he took a long sip of his drink. "Fine…but I'm watching the clock. Better get something to eat too or you'll be starving at like three in the morning."

"Already ordered us some vegetarian nachos."

"Sounds nutritious." She teased and watched him down the last of the small drink as the waiter came by and gestured towards his empty glass.

"Another?"

"Yes please." He said quickly, receiving a stronger squeeze from Cuddy's hand against his thigh.

"Last one I swear." He pulled her hand from his leg and kissed her palm.

"Uh-huh…clocks ticking sir."

"Hey, I know you would throw back a couple tonight if you could too. Don't deny it."

Her eyebrows raised with a tilt of her head, and her rebuttal remained quiet…she knew she never got away with lying to him.

"Uh-huh." He smirked.

"I can't believe how small this club is. It's going to be amazing to see him sing from only twenty feet away. How did you even find out about this? I can't imagine these tickets were posted online."

"I know a guy who knows a guy."

"Well I'm very grateful for that guy…and you."

"Don't thank me yet…a three foot tall Stevie Wonder impersonator could come onto that stage any moment, lip synching to '_Superstition.' _Who knows if we're actually going to get the real deal here. My guy who knows a guy can be an idiot. "

"Well I have faith."

"Your nachos." The waiter interrupted, setting down a steaming pile of gooey cheese chips in front of the two of them, "You need anything else?"

"Nope. I think this plate of cholesterol will be just enough." House dismissed him and turned towards Cuddy, pushing the chips in front of her. "Eat."

"I…don't think I can." She gulped. "The smell…is overpowering." Her face was pinched and she leaned away from the food ever so slightly with each word.

"You barely ate dinner with Rachel. Or lunch for that matter…you need to eat something."

"I know…it's just everything is so heightened. It's hard to stomach something that instantly makes you want to be sick."

House shook his head at her, "Well no throwing up on me tonight okay. It will totally ruin my Stevie moment."

"I think I can keep it together."

He smiled at the adorable way she worried her lip between her teeth, and he leaned in and kissed her softly, the urge to be as near as possible to her overtook him momentarily. Then he pulled away to see her better, his fingers came up in front of her face and he tenderly pinched her nose closed and lifted up a chip to her puckered mouth. "Now eat with out smelling it."

Cuddy looked at him as if he was a crazy person but she obliged him anyway, her lips parted as the salty chip was placed on her tongue. And she chewed it, realizing that House's plan might actually work when she managed to swallow it without gagging. "Thank you."

"Anytime. I like feeding you."

The lights began to dim further as the restaurant fell into a harmonious hush. Candles strewn about the tables created buzzing warmth throughout the room. Her hand was tucked securely beneath his strong palm, both resting on his ill-fated thigh.

And as Cuddy leaned to her side to place a lingering kiss at the corner of House's mouth, Stevie stepped onto the stage and sat down, harmonica in hand, the distinctly infamous smile etched across his face…

He began to play.

* * *

><p>House's mouth trapped her bottom lip and pulled it delicately into his mouth, savoring the taste of lip-gloss and essence of Cuddy before he continued on with their lust-filled kiss. Her hands came up from their place against his chest and wrapped tightly around his neck as they stumbled together down the dusky hallway towards House's apartment door.<p>

A low sigh of contentment passed her lips, House swallowed it, the vibrations from her pleasure brought goose bumps to his flesh, and his arousal grew as he imprisoned her against the wall next to his front door. His keys poised in his hand but his mind was far away, lost in the feel of her so completely that hours could pass by and he would still crave to remain right where he was.

Finally Cuddy pulled away for air, licking her flushed lips with a sly smile up at him, her hands loosened their hold just barely, "I think we should open this door, before your neighbors get a free show."

"I'm sure we could teach them some new moves." He spoke sexily into her ear, biting it, tracing it with his tongue, his hands running down the length of her body until they rested on her hips and pulled her more into him. His fingers grasped her high on the back of her silken thigh, gesturing for her to bring her leg up to wrap around him, wanting nothing more than to take her right then and there…neighbors be damned.

Cuddy's body hummed with desire, but her rational mind managed to find his keys, taking them from him with a contented smile. "Come on." She pried herself from his intense hold and turned around in his arms, unlocking the door with precision even though her hands were pulsating with urgency to get him inside and rip the intrusive clothes off his body.

"It's like we're a couple of teenagers." Cuddy laughed throatily as the door shut loudly; kicked into place by House's foot before he latched his lips to the side of her neck, tasting her sweet skin as he left moist trails with his mouth.

"Well if you stopped tasting so damn good, I might be able to contain myself here."

The shivers overtook her body, his eyes pulled away to bore into her with a mixture of lust and love, and all she could think was how much she wanted to give him everything of her, love him over and over again until the morning broke their magical spell.

Her fingers latched into his and without a word she yanked him swiftly down the hallway, their lips finding each other again before they even reached his bedroom doorway. Hands roaming freely now over the curves of her breasts. The fabric of her little black dress began to ride its way up the curve of her hips as House's hands cupped her ass, feeling the lace of her thong between his fingers.

"I think you need to wear this dress every day." He mumbled into her skin.

"I'll see what I can do." She replied as she raked her nails into the scruff of hair at his neck, pulling him down on top of her into the pile of rumpled blankets on his bed. House shifted and pried his shirt off his body. Cuddy's nimble hands undid the buttons swiftly and then moved to the belt buckle resting just above her.

House's clothes were discarded quickly till only his boxers remained, his lips came to crash into her once more as he lifted her with him to sit up on the bed, her dress unzipped down the side as House began to slowly remove the straps from her shoulders, kissing her flesh with each new spot he uncovered from the fabric. Her bra was black and see-through, matching her underwear perfectly, causing House to have to calm his breathing from the stunning vision before him, or it would be a very short sexual event that happened next.

Their bare skin finally made pleasure full contact, skin burning with need for one another. Cuddy leaned into him as close as she possibly could get, pushing him back against the pillows as she trapped him into the bed, her body lying on top of his, positioning him at her entrance. Not wanting to waste another moment without the feeling of him inside her, filling her up. They began to move in perfect rhythm, as was always their way. Their moans swallowed up by fervent kissing, as their bodies molded together, undeniably powerful emotions pouring out of both of them, urgency to stay locked together forever overtook them, and they stayed lost in each other for hours.

* * *

><p>"You know…there is something that we didn't get to do tonight…that I was kind of hoping for." Cuddy spoke softly, completely encircled in House's arms as the lay together under the warm blankets.<p>

His fingers tenderly traced the soft skin on her arm. "You mean I haven't pleased you enough tonight woman?"

She giggled softly, "Believe me you have…tonight was perfect." She tilted her head up to meet his eyes.

"_But…"_

"But nothing. I just had a thought while Mr. Wonder was singing earlier…" A smile crossed her lips and she stopped talking, shifting her nude body away from him and grabbing the first article of clothing she could find.

"Here." She picked up House's robe from the chair in the corner of the room, throwing it in his direction as she finished buttoning up his dress shirt around her frame.

"Where are you going?" He watched as she moved towards his door with a secretive look in her face.

"Just give me a few moments." Her eyes twinkled with the air of a plan and then disappeared down his hall.

House sighed shakily, not wanting her to leave his side for even a moment. The incredible weight of his uncertain next few hours loamed over him like a jackhammer aimed for his heart. He swallowed against it, feeling like he was channeling Cuddy as the naseousness crept into his stomach. He slowly placed his arms through his offered robe and listened to the shuffling coming from delicate feet traipsing about his living room.

Minutes went by and as he was about to shift to move towards her, soft melodic sounds began to lowly sound from his stereo. Cuddy emerged in front of him moments later, leaning into the doorframe, and stopping House from moving further.

"Didn't we hear this song like two hours ago. And from the man himself I might add."

"Yes…but we didn't get to dance."

"No one did."

"I know…but that doesn't mean I didn't want too."

"You know I'm without rhythm right."

"I do know that. But I love dancing with you anyway." Her hand outstretched towards his, and it was a silent gesture he took willingly…his cane forgotten as they moved together closer to the music.

"Candles too? What is this a Danielle Steel novel?"

"Oh shut-up. It's romantic…indulge me. Plus you own these candles…I think someone secretly likes them."

"Yes, pyro maniacs."

"You said it, not me." Her hands loosely wrapped around his neck, his arms softly caressed her waist, pulling her close, as they began to sway to the bluesy music.

They stayed that way for a long while. Leaning into one another; House swept the hair from the side of her neck and placed a tender kiss to her skin, breathing in her scent as he buried himself in the tangle of curls. She tightened her hold on him, her hands splayed on the hard lines of his back, her face tucked against his shoulder…her eyes closed, lost in the wonderful feeling of being loved by the most eccentric, crazy, amazing man that she would ever know.

House opened his eyes for a brief moment, but regretted his movements when the digital clock from across the dark room was instantly a blaring a reminder of his impending realities.

Cuddy felt him tense up, his posture changing ever so slightly, but it was enough for her to want to see in his eyes what he might be feeling. "What are you thinking?" She gently asked.

"Naughty things." He covered his anxiety and cupped her ass to distract her from digging further, the idea of talking felt to weary to bear.

"I get it…you don't want to talk."

"I'm perfectly fine with a night of few words. This is nice…just like this." He added softly and placed his head onto her shoulder, swaying his body a little more as the music continue to play.

"It is…thank you for dancing with me."

"You're welcome…now shhhhh. This is my favorite song."

'_I just called to say I love you_,' began in the background, and a wide grin formed on Cuddy's face over the cheesiness of his 'favorite song.' "You're such a girl." She whispered.

"You know, your lips are moving…I think that constitutes the opposite of being silent."

"A _bossy_ girl." She mumbled as she brought her lips up and placed a kiss against his mouth. She felt his tongue dart out for a moment, tasting her lips, and she wished she could bottle the way it made her feel to be so thoroughly desired by the man currently holding her. Her throat hummed languorously, she felt herself go almost weak at the knees when his mouth began to kiss paths across her cheek, his breath tickled her ear as his lips burned a path of fire across her skin wherever he touched.

"Come," his voice teasingly spoke in her ear, the double meaning to his words etched in his deep blue eyes, before his fingers interlaced with hers once more and he brought her back to his bedroom…

He knew neither would sleep, too consumed with worry to allow for restful slumber. But House wouldn't have it any other way. He wanted to stay with her forever, in the peacefulness that finally having her whole heart belong to him brought within his spirit. It would be the only thing that would get him through the hospital doors in the morning. He needed all of her tonight…

He needed to be reminded over and over again just how important his life was, he couldn't lose it all now…

They had only just begun…

* * *

><p>"House just sign the damn form. Or I'm going to assign Nurse Dolores to give you a sponge bath later this week if you're not cooperative."<p>

"Already making threats and I haven't even gone through the metal doors." He rolled his eyes at her hollow remark but yanked the outstretched paper and threw a haphazard signature on it anyway. "There, all better. Now I would like to put in a personal request to have that red-headed nurse from radiology be assigned to my room this week." House arched his eyebrows at her and received a prompt slap to the arm in return. "Ouch! I have a brain tumor remember."

"In your arm? Stop whining." She sat next to him on the bed and leaned down to kiss his arm where she had 'hurt' him.

The nurse left the room, the metal doors to the stark white surgery room clanged shut behind her. The shrill sound echoing in both of their minds like a painful reminder of what would take place very soon. Cuddy reached for his hand and pulled it in her lap, absently worrying her fingers back and forth over the back of his hand. Her breathing began to labor, as the air started to feel so thin around her she could not get a proper lungful of it to calm herself anymore.

She bit her lip and locked her scared eyes with his, "You're going to be just fine." She reassured them both softly.

House merely nodded, his heart pulsated with ache that the opposite would be true. He looked away from her, not bearing to see the anguish in her eyes any longer. "Cuddy…" he whispered, "If…I'm not…" He swallowed the rest of his sentence shaking his head as the words fell away from him, "I don't want to live without my mind…it's all or nothing. " He finally choked out, his eyes pulled back to her once more, "You have to reassure me that you won't keep me here…like that. You'll find a way to…let me go."

The tears spilled out instantaneously from her sky blue orbs, pooling down her face without an attempt to mask her suffering. She squeezed his hand, allowing a rattled breath to escape her lips, "I…promise." Her voice trembled.

House knew she would never back down from her promise to him, and a small part of him allowed a sense of relief to take over. The door banged open as he brought her hand up to his mouth, resting his lips against her skin, while Wilson entered the room and sat down in the chair Cuddy had vacated.

"Took you long enough." House mumbled to his friend.

"Sorry…had a little issue getting Rachel to eat her breakfast this morning."

"Sorry." Cuddy wiped the tears with her free hand, "She has been getting more difficult lately."

"Stubborn like her Mother." House added.

Cuddy rolled her eyes with a small smile, "Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome…how's the patient?"

"Moody, combative, and a hopeless pain in my ass." She replied.

"Sounds about right." Wilson nodded.

"You need a microphone and a cigarette heckles?"

She laughed throatily as the door banged ajar once more and two male nurses approached signaling it was time to start. House's face grew immensely somber, emulating Cuddy's and Wilson's as they all three turned towards the intrusion.

"Can you give us one more minute, please." Cuddy ordered assertively, the tears forming all over again as she felt House tighten his grip on her hand.

He moved in bed and pulled out two small white stickers, before he handed one to Cuddy and one to Wilson, "Here…so I know who I'm looking at when my eyes crack open again."

They both stared down at the offered labels, reading what House had hurriedly scribbled in black pen. "Allow me." He smirked and peeled the backing off Cuddy's, placing it directly over one breast, lingering one last time, resting against one of his favorite spots.

Cuddy shook her head as her eyes wandered down to her new article of clothing…

**Cuddy**

_**Lisa Cuddy**_

_**A.K.A sexy boss lady**_

_**Neurotically stubborn**_

_**Exotically flexible**_

_**Nasty gambling problem**_

_**Damn overachiever**_

_**Pain in my ass**_

_**Love of my life**_

House's sly smile grew longer as he witness the light tug of her lips, signaling he had at least made her tension dissipate ever so slightly from his gesture. "I mean ever word." He added.

"I'm sure you do." She brought her lips down to his and savored a kiss from him, her tears mixing in with their warm breath, as she stayed locked with him despite the audience growing behind her.

Wilson shifted beside her, and she unlocked from House and turned towards him seeing his label for the first time…

**Wilson **

_**Jimmy 'Cricket' Wilson**_

_**Loser of all things athletic**_

_**Hated by woman across the world…except his Mother**_

_**Oncologist**_

_**Annoyingly persistent counselor**_

_**Most trusted confident**_

She smiled slightly to Wilson, biting her lip as she read what House had wanted him to wear. Their eyes locked shortly in worry before they both turned back towards their shared best friend.

"Frick and Frack over there are starting to look anxious…" House gestured to the male nurses beginning to hover closer to his bed.

Cuddy looked over to them, deeply sighing as she inched closer to him from her seat by his side and brought her lips soundly down against his once more. Tasting him, forming a memory that she could hold onto in the many hours ahead. He kissed her back, softly locking his lips with her, their hand still interlaced as they said their final goodbyes.

She tenderly pried herself away, shifting to arise from the bed, not bearing to prolong their kiss any further or she would never have the strength to release him. She felt her hand being tugged back, as soon as she began to stray, and her eyes adjusted back to his once more.

Cuddy saw the wetness in his blue eyes, and it took all of her not to crumble as he pulled her hand against his heart. Seeing House near tears felt like an internal explosion, and her hand came up to cup his cheek, her thumb brushing against his lips one last time.

He gazed at her, feeling the trembling of terror start to burn through his body. But he needed to say one more thing before he could let it all go…

"I love you." He whispered, his eyes never wavering from hers.

"I love you." She barely choked out, her hands continued to caress his face, "Now tell me that again in a few hours okay." She leaned down and kissed him….

Then she had to pull away…their hands unclasped, her heart breaking with each step she took towards her staff in the corner of the cold room.

"He's ready." It was all she could say, before she looked back to Wilson and House, only glancing for a moment before she forced herself to leave his sight.

Cuddy melted into a puddle of emotions as her shaky legs began to climb the stairs to the observation room. Her hand flew to her lower back as a blinding pain ripped through her before she could even make it to the top step. The bile rose in her throat and it took all of the strength she could find to make it to the room before she collapsed in a chair. The tears fell down to splash on her heeled shoes as she doubled over in emotional and physical turmoil.

Wilson came up the same stairs, halting suddenly when he saw the pain in her face, and immediately went to her side, bending down on the floor in front of her to search her face.

Her breath was ragged, her hand still held the spot in her back that was throbbing with even more force than moments before.

"Cuddy?" He grabbed onto her knee and found her eyes, knowing instantly something was terribly awry.

It took a few more moments before she managed to look at him, "I…something's wrong." It was merely a whisper, but as soon as she spoke the pain escalated even further, her eyes screwed shut as she felt like her insides were being ripped open.

Wilson took her hands in his, watching her features for a clue as to what was truly going on. "Take some deep breaths Cuddy…focus on me. It could be just a panic attack." Her face grew paler with each new moment. "_Breathe_," He commanded her. "Stay with me here. He's going to be fine…hold onto that."

Cuddy heard his voice, but somehow it seemed far away, the fog took over her cognitive mind and only blurriness remained in her reality…

She was not going to be fine…

She could feel something change within…powerless to stop it from happening…powerless to change the inevitable…it was too late…

Her eyes adjusted onto the man in front of her…her friend…and her hands clenched into fists inside his, squeezing tightly as the ache ripped through her body even lower this time…

The last time…before she could feel something warm begin to pool between her legs…and everything went dark.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay…please don't hate me too much! I had this planned from the beginning…but I made a promise in the heading of Chapter 11. And I try not to break promises Be back soon! Let me know what you think pretty pretty please…even if it is anger at my cliffhanger!<strong>


	30. Chapter 29

**Soooooo sorry this took so long! Please forgive me…**

**Hope this chappie makes up for my serious delay (and leaving you with a cliffhanger…oy!). I've had a whirlwind of things happen to me over the break. Went on a trip, got engaged :) and sold many items on my Etsy shop…which means that I have had to paint more than I can write…**

**Hang with me, only a couple chapters left. Hope you're all still out there. Let me know what you think! Your reviews continue to brighten my day!**

**Happy New Year!**

* * *

><p>Something stirred within her.<p>

The lulling rhythm of a beating heart began to churn deep within her body, jogging her limbs into flutters of vibrations as she felt her blood circulating through her veins.

'_Beep….beep….beep…' _It was only then did she become aware of an unwelcome intrusion. An all too familiar sound that she would know anywhere, without question…

But instead of it being a distant back drop as she went about her daily life…this time was different.

It was her _own_ heart that was being broadcast about the room now.

She shifted her head towards the sound before cracking open her pale eyes. Her neck felt stiff, like she hadn't used it for some time, and the tingles in her body began to transform into small sensations of ache.

Her mind remained foggy. Still stuck beyond the current reality; fighting to remember the events that led her to the uncomfortable bed she was resting upon.

Cuddy's eyes began to waver; tentatively cracking open to the sight of a heart monitor beeping too loud for her comfort, and a tall silver I.V. stand loaming over her like a statue. Two bags of medicine were flowing down the thin clear tube into the crook of her left arm.

She blinked rapidly; trying to shake the dryness in her orbs so she could make out what the labels on the bags said. One fluids and the other…

Sedative, she gathered by the way her head felt almost detached from her body. She swallowed roughly, the simple act proved to be more difficult than she had anticipated. Her eyes glanced towards the ceiling, the splotchy white tiles made her dizzy and she instantly was forced to look away…

"Cuddy." Wilson called to her, his soft footsteps fell in synch with the beeping of her monitor.

Her head shifted towards the sound of his voice, only exacerbating the dizziness as the room spun around her. She half-mumbled half spoke his name in response. A cup of water was thrust in front of her to take and she willingly choked down the cold liquid.

"Better?" He spoke carefully. She could feel the warmth of his hand as it came to rest on her shoulder.

"Yes." She took another sip and handed the glass to him. "What did you give me?…How did I get here?"

"You don't remember?"

Her head moved in a silent gesture of no. Her heart began to quicken, knowing from the look in his eyes that she urgently needed to recall her memories. "What is it…" as soon as the words left her mouth only one petrifying thought came to mind."_House!"_

She reflexively jolted upright in bed. Wilson moved quickly and secured his hands against her arms to guide her back towards the pillows, "He's going to be okay Cuddy."

"_He is?_ But…the surgery-"

"-Went smoothly. Sit back." His calm tone soothed her just enough to oblige his request.

"Chase got it all. It was even more superficial than we thought, surfacing on the Dura Mater. He didn't have to go any further to completely remove it. "

"Are you monitoring him for signs of brain swelling? "

"Of course…and you already know the kind of recovery ahead of him. He still might have months until he's himself again, but if his scans come back clean in six months…well… then he's going to continue to torture us till we're incredibly old and weary."

Cuddy studied his face…not daring to believe his wonderful tale before she checked thoroughly for signs of falsehood.

His words spoke of everything she had hoped to hear, but never thought she ever would. "Don't hide anything from me, please Wilson…" She pleaded quietly. Tears she didn't even know had formed began to fall down her cheeks.

"Cuddy…I'm not." He reached out his hand and clasped onto hers.

A puff of exhausted air escaped her parched lips, "You're not?"

"No. He's already in the room recovering. He'll be sedated for the next twelve hours or so…it's over now, you can see him soon."

"I want to see him now."

"I knew you would say that."

Cuddy shifted slightly and felt the weight of her bandages beneath her thin hospital gown, the visions before everything went dark around her trickled into her mind, filling in the gaps in her memories.

"It's okay…for me to get up Wilson. I know what's happening to me." She whispered into the room, not able to hold his gaze, instead choosing to look at his hand still holding tightly onto hers. The silence between them was dripping with sadness.

"I'm so sorry."

"Me too."

"We ran some blood tests…figure out why you collapsed-"

"-House just went into a life threatening surgery and I began to miscarry his child…" Her interruption was soft as she brought her eyes back to meet his anxious expression.

She desperately needed to spew forth the truth that plagued her senses, hoping it would serve as a release somehow.

"Yeah…your tests came back okay."

"Did you test my blood for every disease in the medical encyclopedia?"

"Pretty much."

"House would be impressed."

"He'd probably just call me an over reacting idiot."

"That too."

"Cuddy…" He paused, "Your hormones levels came back…they were incredibly high for how far along you-" He stopped himself before he could use the word, _were_. "This was going to happen whether or not you had this unbelievable stress weighing on you. It-"

"-was never meant to be."

"Maybe it was…but only meant to last this long. I mean look at it this way. House found out he was going to be a father…and he didn't disappear to Switzerland. He…actually faced it…with _you_."

She nodded slightly, staring at nothing. "I'm going to be okay Wilson." She worried her mouth, trying to convince herself in that moment as much as she was him, while new tears formed in her eyes…

"Eventually…" She let out a long shaky sigh, and willed her focus to change. "But right now…House made it through." She dabbed the wetness from her face. "That's all that matters to me…I can handle everything else."

He mimicked her nod, and they sat in silence together for a few minutes, contemplating it all…

"I called your Mom."

"_Wilson."_ She sighed with a shake of her head.

He held up his hands, "I had to. Rachel needed to be picked up from school and I was kind of busy monitoring the well being of my two best friends, so…"

"I get it. "

"But I didn't tell her what happened to you. "

"Thank you….I'm glad you're here with me. " She said in quiet honesty.

Wilson watched as she continued to wipe the tears falling under her eyes, and he leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

Cuddy's careful reserve began to crumble at the whim of Wilson's simple gesture. She could feel the weight of the mattress beneath her waver as he came to sit down next to her in the hospital bed. His warm arms enveloped her and she dissolved in his movements, hiding her face away into the palms of her hands, allowing him to comfort her…hold her while she cried heavy tears for her loss, and while she shed tears of joy for the well-being of a man that she couldn't bear to live without.

The enormity of the last few hours of her life poured out of her until she felt her breathing begin to calm, and she gave into the meditations. Closing her eyes, she focused on swallowing down her grief; there would be more time to give into it later.

"How long have I been out?" She finally unfolded from his embrace.

"I had them put you on mild sedatives for the last few hours…but Cuddy, after what I witnessed earlier, you need to rest more. Please don't fight me on this, you can see him first thing in the morning. He's not going anywhere, and he won't even be conscious till then."

She bit her lip once more, this time out of frustration. "You going to baby sit me all night, make sure I don't make a run for it?"

"If I have to…_Mrs. House…_than I will." He got up from the bed and began to noisily push the small cot to the entrance of the door, unfolding it and sitting down like a sentry poised to protect the only way she could escape from.

"Funny…you've made your point." She pulled the pillows down to adjust under her head. "I won't bolt, you have my word." She feigned closing her eyes, exhaustion weighing on her already.

"Nice try, but I'm not falling for it." He looked over his shoulder to a nurse hovering in the doorway.

"Nurse Jones?" Cuddy eyed her heavily, "I can fire people you know." She looked between the pair of them in apprehension, knowing she didn't have the strength within her to take on two people.

Nurse Jones looked back accusingly towards Wilson, "I told you." She stated.

"She can't fire you for this and she knows it. Just do what we planned."

Cuddy turned just in time to see the nurse dial up the dose of drugs in her veins. Feeling the effects instantly, she was powerless to stop it. She turned back to Wilson with a half-lidded scowl, "I hate you." She murmured…and her eyes closed once more to the world around her.

* * *

><p>"<em>House don't go…just stay with me a bit longer." Her expression pleaded unflinchingly, begging for him to give in to her whim…<em>

_But something told him he had to leave. A nagging voice echoed around him, or maybe it was just inside his own mind, on that he could not be sure…._

_But the urge was unmistakable._

"_I have to." He unclasped from her strong hold on his hand and backed away from the chair he had just risen from._

"_You don't know what you're doing. What if this is the only way to be together now?" The tears pooled down her cheeks, unnaturally so, he pondered…and the chills began to rise within his skin, aching to burst out of him._

_She stared deeply into eyes, sitting in a chair with all her attention focused on his every move. _

_It was only then did House fully acknowledge where they were…_

_The hospital…an all too familiar setting, but it appeared emptier…_

_No people milled about the halls. It was just the two of them under the harsh light, seemingly waiting for someone or something to happen on the other side of the door next to them._

_He sighed and rubbed his face between his hands, "What do you mean?"_

"_I just don't want to lose you. I can't bear living without you, please don't leave me. I won't make it alone."_

"_Why are you talking like this, what happened?" House's head began to throb rapidly, drowning him in unforgiving pain as he took on the weight of her words, the strong meaning behind their implications._

"_We're so happy here…we will always have this place together…in your heart." She whispered in reply._

"_Cuddy…you're not making sense."_

"_We're together, right now…right here-"_

"_-This place isn't real!" His shout echoed against the walls surrounding them. His head felt as if small knives were burrowing inside his skull. He closed his eyes in agony. "Did I…" He choked on his last word, unable to speak, even though he knew there was no other way…he had to finish. "Die?"_

_She held frighteningly still, and it was the final crippling blow…_

"_Cuddy, answer me!" He moved quickly, bridging the small gap between them before he took her shoulders roughly in his hands._

"_I don't know…I'm so scared." She was trembling beneath his grasp, her breath filtered out in small wisps against his face as he leaned down to search her scared eyes._

"_I'm not dead." He spoke with certainty. _

_He could feel it. _

_His heart beat was pounding inside his chest, and he felt a heat come over his body, engulfed by something soft. The immense agony in his head only further proved his belief. _

_There was no way he was dead, he could feel life emanating inside, growing stronger with each passing moment. _

"_Cuddy look at me." He practically shook her, trying to break through her trance of grief._

"_I'm just on the other side. I can feel it." He moved a fallen curl and tucked it behind her ear._

"_House…I'm so scared. What if this is the only way…what if you're wrong. If you leave here now-"_

"_-Then I will open my eyes and you will be right there, probably holding my hand or fussing about my room, ordering people around. You have to believe in that. Trust me."_

_He kissed her before she could speak any further worry. Her lips were icy cold, only warming slowly to the softness of his kiss. He lingered against her mouth…even in an alternate reality the pull they shared towards one another blasted through his body, as he savored a kiss from her all the way down to his toes._

"_I'm going to see you again," he mumbled against her lips, pulling away to look at her achingly beautiful eyes, "All I have to do is wake up."_

_And with that he broke away from her, swiftly…_

_Locking his hand around the door knob to his left, he turned it without looking back and stepped across the threshold into the unknown…_

"House…" Her call was meek, soft and tender.

He could feel the light stir around him.

The darkness that had settled in his sight began to clear, and suddenly there were bright spots taking up root in place of the shadows.

Strange sensations began to form in his hands, unfamiliar…and yet not somehow.

One hand felt warmer than the other, but he couldn't figure out why. It instantly worried his mind…

Why couldn't he figure it out? It felt so simple to him, but something held him back from deducing the answer.

He gave up…and his eyes continued to widen…

Then, the bright spots began to dissolve into other objects, as the view in front of where he lay opened up to him….

A chair. The word for the metallic object immediately popped into his mind, but the rest of the wall looked otherworldly, like it was pulsating back at him. It hurt his eyes, and he poured all his might into forcing his eyelids closed against the stabbing pain that ripped away at him.

"House…can you hear me?"

There was the voice again…calling his name. The sound made him ache to find the owner…and his hand felt even more tightly swaddled in warmth.

It calmed him enough to open his eyes once more.

His face began to twinge with warmth…same as his hand he thought.

Then he felt it with his lips…the blissful heat began to tug on his mouth, and he longed to hold on to whatever was the cause.

Flecks of an image tunneled under his eye-lids…

And he began to see the paleness of a form…

The lines of a neck soon followed. Strands of black hair dangled down in front of delicate shoulders…but it all felt unfinished.

He blinked rapidly, trying to force better clarity within. He moved his head, and upturned his eyes…

"Hey." She spoke.

He could see the pull of her lips as his vision subtly began to clear.

He knew those lips…

He had studied them…of that he was absolutely sure. The lines of her jaw disappeared into a tangle of familiar curls; her cheeks were just the right color, and her eyes…

He held onto her eyes. The sparkle amongst the sea of blue; dark eyelashes draping across her lid. He could lose himself inside the calming affect that instantly overpowered him.

"House?" He felt his hand being lifted, and he watched as she pressed her lips to his fingers before she carefully brought it back down to his side, but she never released her wonderful grasp.

'_Yes?'_

"You're going to be alright." Her face grew paler, wet trails began to form down her cheeks. Tears…he knew what they were, and he hated seeing them freely cascading before him.

'_I'm going…to be fine?'_

"Your tumor was completely removed, the surgery went perfectly…you're going to make a full recovery."

She smiled so beautifully, he thought, but there was something else behind her smile, '_Then why are you sad?' _

He waited for a reply, but she only continued to caress the back of his hand with her small fingers.

'_Cuddy?'_

'_Are you listening?' _He tried again, but this time he knew something was off. His words were not connecting with his thoughts, "How-" He finally managed to croak, instantly zapping all his strength.

"Here, take a sip of water." Cold plastic was placed to his lips, the liquid contained within cooled his burning throat, and he savored the relief. "You don't have to struggle to talk yet…rest…I'm not going anywhere."

There was that smile again…he cherished it…

'_Cuddy._' He could feel her name in his mind, his mouth poised to speak it aloud. His fingers curled around her hand, "You…"

"You remember me House?" She whispered, "By the look in your eyes…it sure seems like you do."

House motioned his head in a silent conformation, "White…" He spoke once more as his eyes focused on the sticker placed carefully on her maroon sweater. And he began to read what he had written, recalling a slice of the moment when he first picked up the marker to write down his little reminders.

He smiled…he could actually feel the tug at the corner of his mouth. '_I love you,' _he was almost certain he spoke…

"White…what?"

House looked back to the white label with heavy confusion washing over him. '_I said white?' _He sighed heavily.

"House…just rest. You can barely keep your eyes open. I will be here when you wake up again."

'_Right…sleep might help…'_ He studied her face, then gazed down to the name tag once again that he had lovingly crafted only days before.

'_Sexy boss lady…stubborn…love of my life…' _He turned the little token words over in his mind as his eyes finally began their final descent into slumber…

He pulled his mouth back into another smile, "Pain…ass." He spoke with love dripping from his heart for the woman before him, perfectly content to fall into a restful sleep.

* * *

><p>"<em>Stop running kid, you know I can't move that quickly."<em>

"_House come on we is going to be late!" Rachel halted her movements to beckon him on. Her painted pink polka-dot dress blew up around her from the forceful wind gushing past._

"_Late? For what?"_

"_Fors the party." She rolled her big brown eyes up at him from a handful of feet away, then turned back around and continued on the path ahead... _

_House could hear the sound of her shiny white shoes clacking against the ground._

_Large sculpted trees lined either side of the narrow brick road that House soon discovered underneath his feet. It was only a moment's observation but when his eyes returned in front of him, Rachel had vanished from view._

"_Rachel!" He called out into the hollow air, as loud as he could find the strength, but his voice felt swallowed by nature, absorb into the woods that surrounded him. He could see birds hurriedly flying away from somewhere deep inside the mass of trees, creating a haunting affect as their wings clipped the sky…_

_Vanishing just as quickly as they appeared._

"_House!" Her cry was small, but he heard it all the same._

_His cane moved quickly. Pounding against the red bricks at his feet as he followed the winding path towards her stunted pleads._

"_Rachel? Just stay still I'm coming!" He threw his cane roughly away and began to run despite the pain ripping through his thigh. "Where are you?"_

"_I can't find you…House!" _

_She was crying. House knew without question. "Rachel you have to guide me to where you are!" He fumbled over fallen branches as the path narrowed into nothingness and only small dirt trails showed ahead of him._

"_Rachel?" He could no longer hear her whimpers; no longer feel that she was close to him. _

_House moved quickly into the woods as a multitude of wildlife buried within began to sound their calls. His hands started to bleed as he sliced his fingers on bushes and trunks of strange tress that he didn't recognize as something he had ever witnessed._

_Then the angle changed, his feet slipped out from under; his body began to plummet down a slope he hadn't even chanced to observe until it was too late. _

_He feebly tried to catch himself, reaching out for roots in the ground, ivy, thorny bushes, anything he could grasp for…_

_But to no avail…_

_He continued to fall down a never ending hill. He could feel his body breaking, bruising; bleeding as he descended towards what he thought would be the ultimate ending for him…_

_He sealed his eyes closed…tightly…waiting for the final blow…_

_Then suddenly…he stopped._

_He could feel the pain pulsating in his body, his shoulder dislocated, his face marred with deep abrasions. He reached his hand up to check for further damage, gashes in his arms, and a hole in his right pant leg where a sharp twig still remained attached to the fabric._

"_House…I fell." _

_His head whipped around despite the agony it caused, and he saw her mixed within the shrubs…only a single white shoe was still dangling upon her tattered foot._

"_Don't move." He commanded her as calmly as he could muster, then he pulled himself up by his one good arm and leg, wincing as his wounds stretched out painfully with each step he made towards her._

"_What hurts?" He fell next to her on the ground, cradling his useless arm. _

"_Nothing…I just fell. We're going to be late." She repeated her earlier statement._

_House ignored her comment, focusing on evaluating her from head to toe for signs of trauma. _

_No blood…_

_She was filthy, her tights torn and muddy, her once frilly dress still hung from her small frame but with tears at the seams, no longer colored in vibrant pink. _

_House groaned with discomfort, "Nothing hurts?"_

"_No silly. " She giggled and rose from her spot on the soft dirt. "Come on. Mommy's waiting for us." She held out her hand and turned towards a small light clearing in the trees, that hadn't been there moments before. _

_He gingerly grabbed onto her palm, "Let me guess, you're Alice in Wonderland…and I am apparently on some wickedly psychedelic drugs at the moment." He furrowed his brow with discontent, but allowed her to lead him to the stream of sunlight up ahead; the pain from his broken body seemed to heal with each new step._

"_We're here!" She squeaked and clapped her hands together. All signs of dirt and grime she had before had vanished and she darted across the lawn to a distant figure moving towards them. "Mommy, we're here!"_

_House squinted into the glaring sun, until he saw her dark curls blowing in the wind, and a smile he could see from miles away came closer and closer until the woman attached to it was only a few feet in front of him._

_She bent over to pick up Rachel in her arms, "Hey baby." House could read her lips as she pressed her arms securely around her daughter. "You brought House too, good job." She placed a kiss into her daughter's hair and set her down on the ground by her side, all the while her gaze held only his._

"_Yeah your little white rabbit didn't cause me any trouble at all." He mumbled under his breath. _

"_It's time for the party." Her smile was breathtaking; House could make out her beautiful faint freckles sprinkled on her face as the sun projected a halo around her body._

"_I've never seen you in a dress like that." House watched her inch closer to him, her ethereal turquoise dress bellowed behind her in the wind, the fabric thinly laced over her smooth shoulders._

"_You picked it out." She brought her hands behind his neck, the smell of sunflowers and citrus wafted around him. _

_He returned her smile, and moved his arms to encircle her waist. "This bizarre universe just got a whole lot better."_

"_Kiss me." She beckoned him with her sparkling eyes._

"_Well okay." House retorted, already closing the distance between their lips. Meeting her supple mouth and caressing it with his own. The gloss on her lips tasted wonderfully of strawberries; he swept his tongue across her lip and pressed her body even closer in response._

"_You ready? " She pulled away slightly, just enough to whisper against his mouth._

"_If this is truly my own imagination here…I'd much prefer to skip this allusive party. Stay right here with you." He leaned in and kissed her soundly once more, weaving his hands through her hair._

"_And Rachel?"_

"_I'll get her a puppy to run around with while we make out." House turned his head just in time to see a fluffy chocolate brown dog came traipsing up the side of the hill, tackling Rachel and kissing her in the face while she giggled with delight. "You see." He smiled fondly back to the woman snuggling intimately close._

"_You're good." She replied softly, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck._

"_Right now I am." He smirked, "Now what did you ask me to do a moment ago?"_

"_Uh…kiss me?"_

"_That's the one." He bent his head to one side and began to descend upon her perfect pout once more._

"I don't want a kiss…I'd be willing to hug you."

Wilson abruptly appeared in his sight line as he was suddenly ripped away from his lovely hallucinations.

"Ugly girl." His lips puckered in shock from the drastic transformation of the person before him.

"Thank you."

"I…kiss…him?"

"Uh…you said the word kiss as you were opening your eyes." Wilson sat up from his chair to make it easier for House to meet his eyes without turning his head.

House tried to make sense of being awake, feeling as though this was not the first time. He could recall the memory of Cuddy, but he couldn't tell how long ago that had occurred.

"Here." Wilson placed a cup in his hands and attempted to help him guide it to his lips. House drank the water slowly, finding it to be a harder task than he had anticipated.

"House let me help you." Wilson grabbed the cup as it fell from House's fingers, water splashing across his chest in the process.

"Cups fixed…not mine." House grumbled back. He surveyed the room, seeing the faint light as it began to fade in the day. All he could remember from before is that it was morning during his last bout with consciousness.

"How is your pain? Can you feel any discomfort?"

"It's just you." He shook his head slightly, feeling the throbbing in his skull begin just as soon as it was mentioned to him. "Drugs." He mumbled, lifting his hand to tap on the vein where a small needle was taped to his skin.

"He's awake again, I thought you were going to page me." Cuddy's voice rang in the room.

"It only just happened."

House watched her approach Wilson's side; she reached out and placed her palm against his heart. "How are you feeling today?"

'_Today?' _House took that as to mean it had been awhile since he had cracked open his eyes.

"For how long?" He looked between the two of them.

"I don't understand?" Cuddy replied softly and stepped closer to his side.

"For how long?" He emphasized once more.

But she shook her head, tilting it with confusion. "House you're still heavily medicated. The drugs and the swelling _will_ decompress and you'll be able to speak again…but you have to allow that to happen."

"Cuddy." He shook his head in frustration, forgetting that jarring his head in any way only brought forth more pain.

"Remember you are going to be okay. Everything will just take time." She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his before he could even process what she was doing.

He closed his eyes to her caress, choosing to absorb some of her warmth instead of trying to push against in his failure to be able to communicate.

Her breath brushed past his ear, "You kiss just the same…I'm sure being able to torment people with your gift of language is not very far behind." She whispered so only he could hear, and then pulled herself away from him with a sly smile.

"Laugh." House squinted his eyes at her with a glint of a smile reflecting back.

"I'll up the pain meds okay?" Wilson went to his I.V. and began to up his dosage. "This is only going to make you sleep more, which is probably for the best."

"Sweet dreams. " Cuddy squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek before she untangled from him. House watched as she backed away from his bed, giving him space to sleep.

"You come too." House called after her, already envisioning her from his last dream in that billowing turquoise sun dress…her sun-kissed cheeks.

Cuddy turned back to him before she reached the door of his room, her eyes spoke as if she absolutely got the meaning behind his jumbled phrasing. "I'll be there." She replied, giving him one last smile as his eyes molded shut and his cognitive thought began to alter again.

* * *

><p>She carefully rubbed her temples, trying to quiet the headache bubbling inside. Closing her eyes she leaned against the front door of her house, keys in hand, purse dropping from her shoulder to the floor by her feet.<p>

She watched it fall as her phone spilled out from the leather bag and flew across her front porch. Sighing with sheer fatigue, she felt her eyes sting despite her best efforts to tap down her rolling emotions as she bent down and retrieved her scattered items.

"You coming inside?"

Her Mother's voice startled her as she whipped around towards the unexpected sound under the night sky. "_Mom_…you almost gave me a heart attack." Cuddy tucked her purse under her arm and followed Arlene inside, closing the door softly behind her so as not to wake up her sleeping daughter.

"You need sleep." Arlene eyed her closely as Cuddy set her things on the table in the foyer.

"I know…how's Rachel?"

"Missing you."

"I can't be in two places at once right now…I've only been away for a few days." Cuddy walked away immediately, and headed to her kitchen, not wanting to hear a guilt ridden lecture when she already was feeling horrible from her absence.

Cuddy had yet to tell her Mom about her ill fated pregnancy. Everything had happened so quickly, and ended just as abruptly as it had begun that there was never time for sharing it all.

She let out another deep sigh, "You want some tea." She calmed her voice from her boiling annoyance and tried a different approach, remembering how willing and helpful her Mother had been over the last week of chaos.

"Yes…I need something to help me sleep before Rachel comes into my room at the crack of dawn."

"Yeah…she's been doing that. She just likes to snuggle in the mornings. She'll go back to sleep if you just tuck her in the blankets and wrap your arm around her."

"Are you staying here tonight? I'm sure she would like to wake up to you."

Cuddy turned on the kettle and leaned against the counter. It was not her plan to stay; House had only just begun to wean off of the drugs from the first few days. She wanted to be there when that happened, wanted to have a real conversation with him, see how far they had yet to go in his recovery.

On top of that she had taken to sleeping by his side, knowing he probably would never know she had curled up on the gurney, holding her hand over his heart. The only thing that soothed her grief was falling asleep to his healthy beating heart beneath her fingertips.

But her daughter needed her too, she had to remember that. Cuddy worried her lips between her teeth, "Yes…I'll stay. Have breakfast with Rachel."

"And I'll take her to school." Arlene offered as she pulled out a chair for her daughter to sit on, then she took charge of the tea and poured them both a steaming cup.

"Thank you." Cuddy replied quietly, her eyes barely able to stay open. "I think I'm going to take the tea to bed, maybe take a bath."

"That's probably best before you topple over." Arlene walked over to Cuddy and placed her hand on her shoulder. "Is he doing better?"

"Yeah…I think so. He's only starting to be eased of the drugs. We'll know more in the next couple days."

"Well…I'll stay a bit longer and take care of Rachel till he comes home."

"You _will_?" Cuddy whispered in surprise.

"Yes…I'll be here. I mean that new nanny you hired is not the brightest-"

"Mom she has ten years experience."

"What, starting when she was twelve? She can't be more than twenty-two."

"Twenty-nine." Cuddy rubbed her weary face in her hands. "But thank you for staying. I know Rachel loves having you around."

Arlene silently nodded, "Probably about as much as you do." She smirked slightly as she walked away from her daughter.

Cuddy rolled her eyes with a smile of her own, "Night Mom."

"Goodnight." Arlene replied and left her alone.

Cuddy dunked her tea bag one final time and got up to discard it in the trash, switching off the lights before she followed her Mom down the hall.

Passing by Rachel's door she paused momentarily, but then continued on her way. She set her cup on her nightstand and sat upon her bed. The covering was perfectly made, not having slept amongst her own blankets for days. Cuddy stared into space and felt her leg bouncing up and down on the floor as she sat.

Being alone for the first time in days, it was too much for her to bear. She got up and flipped her shoes off, padding softly down her quiet hallway and jarred Rachel's door open with almost no noise. She crept in like a mouse, picking the floorboards to step on carefully without walking on the ones that were sure to creak.

Rachel's arm draped off the side of her bed, her mouth open, while her matted hair flopped across her eyes. Cuddy smiled in the darkness and lifted the heavy book off of the bed next to her. _Peter Pan_ closed quietly and was placed atop the dresser. Rachel must have pulled it down to look at the pictures, she thought. It was a book that Cuddy and House had taken turns reading to her over the last few weeks, finishing only two days before House's surgery, but Rachel was having a hard time letting go.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and slid her hands carefully under her small body. She knew if she moved gingerly she could manage to transfer her daughter to her own empty bed without even waking her.

Cuddy tiptoed down the hall and tucked Rachel securely under the blankets. She shifted slightly and mumbled something in her sleep but kept her eyes closed, much to Cuddy's relief, as she slid in next to her.

The warmth of her child's small frame comforted her, and she cuddled up against her further, breathing her in. Wrapping her arms securely around her she closed her eyes and burrowed beneath the covers…

Now the only thing left for her to do was to tackle the daunting task of turning off her mind, long enough to allow her body a much needed sleep.

* * *

><p>"<em>You look nice today." <em>

_House glanced down to his clothes, the linen material of his pants felt soft in his hands. His feet were bare and tucked warmly under small piles of sand. "We're on the beach." He looked around carefully, "Our beach."_

"_Yes." She laced her fingers with his and pulled him down to sit beside her in the sand. "From our first week together."_

"_A very good week."_

"_It was at that." They both turned to look out to the horizon, the bold sun descended in the sky, nearly touching the ocean. "It's beautiful here. Peaceful…but we've never been back here…till now."_

"_I know." House wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close along his body. "We should change that."_

"_We should…Rachel would love it here too."_

"_Probably…but if she tagged along than the chances of us sneaking out here late at night and having sex underneath the moonlight would be very slim."_

_Cuddy laughed throatily and leaned to place a kiss on his cheek, "Good point." _

"_You know…the sun is setting now…" He looked knowingly over to her, tracing his fingers lightly up and down her arms._

"_It is…but it's still going to take some time before dusk settles in."_

"_Not if I can help it." House spoke as he leaned into her and captured her lips in his own. Placing his hands on either side of her face he opened his mouth instantly, deepening their kiss as she softly hummed her pleasure into his lips. _

_She pulled away slightly as the night sky blasted all around them, "Nicely done. Did you add extra stars?"_

"_Perhaps…are my seduction skills working cause I might be asleep for awhile here. I can't think of a better way to pass the time." House wound his finger in a long lock of her hair, and slowly leaned into her, pressing her back against the sand. _

"_I'd say your seduction skills are working." She giggled and wrapped her hands around the back of his neck, then pressed her rosy lips into his…_

"House…" _He could hear her murmur his name in his ear._

"House…can you hear me?"

_Of course I can hear you…he broke free from her kiss, but then realized she couldn't be speaking anything when her lips were encased in his._

"Wake up…" Her tone was so soothing, beckoning him to the sound…

"Hey." She glowed beautifully in front of him…only they were no longer on the beach. The ocean waves were no longer breaking from a few feet away…

The bright stars were replaced with florescent lighting dangling from the ceiling…but the woman in front of his eyes was still the stunning creature from his slumber.

"Good morning." She sat beside him and grabbed hold of his hand, careful to avoid the I.V. still attached to his skin.

"Morning?" House managed to choke out before a coughing fit overtook him.

"Here. It's been awhile since you've been awake." Cuddy handed him a glass of water. "The meds are drying you out. Drink all of it if you can."

House peered over the offered cup of water, finishing it all before handing it back over to her. "How far ago…was everything?" House mumbled after clearing his throat.

Cuddy worried her lip between her teeth, trying to decipher his words. "Your surgery was five days ago…is that what you want to know?"

"Yes."

"How is your pain? Chase wants you to get to your feet today. Doctors orders."

"My head is…" House paused as he searched for the right word, frustrated when he couldn't link together what he wanted to say.

Cuddy could see the pain in his eyes and knew the next couple weeks were going to be a battle for him…for them.

He was inverting words and she wasn't even sure he knew he was doing so. She knew it was only due to swelling still putting pressure on his frontal lobe that everything would eventually be alright.

But it was the 'eventually' that would not be quick enough for House…and she immediately braced herself for the uphill war they were going to have to face. "I'm going to unwrap the bandages. I think you can take them off for good now."

"Look as a Mummy." House lifted his head off the pillow for her to unravel the gauze from his forehead.

"Something like that." She smiled in the process. "There. Much better."

House lifted his head up to his shaved head, forgetting that he would have no hair; it momentarily shocked him, "Naked." He murmured.

"I think it's kind of sexy actually." She leaned down and kissed him as his hospital door swung open wide.

"No sex with the patient. He's not up for it yet." Wilson came in and stopped at the side of his bed.

House narrowed his eyes at his best friend's ill timed interruption. "I'm up for you coming away."

"Looks like your penchant to be annoyed by my presence hasn't changed much." Wilson stated simply and looked over to Cuddy as she remained perched on the bed. "How does everything feel today, any headache…does your leg hurt? Cause that's probably a good thing if it does."

"_Good_?" House snarked, and internally checked his pain levels once more. He was still on heavy meds, of that he could be certain.

"One of the nurses unhooked your catheter an hour ago, so I think getting up to use the bathroom would be a great first step into moving this process along."

"You want to see me urine…is that it?"

"Oh yes. My dreams come true."

"Forget it." House turned back to Cuddy, "I like your lips more."

"I'll kiss you when you show us you can walk."

House shook his head in frustration, "My cane?"

"No House. If you fall…we can't take that risk. Either you come with me or I get Nurse Jeffrey in here to guide you. Your call."

"Fire Wilson." House grumbled over to Cuddy, as she rose up from the bed. But then he slowly acquiesced to their demands, moving the blanket away from his body, shifting his legs with determination.

Cuddy offered her hand to him and he took it begrudgingly as Wilson came around the other side of him, and slowly they hoisted him out of bed and his feet touched the cold tile floor for the first time in a week.

House had no choice than to put his weight on both of them. His legs felt like jello, and just the simple steps it took to get to the doorway of the tiny hospital bathroom exerted more strength than he thought he contained inside.

"I'll let you boys continue without me." Cuddy steadied House the best she could and watched as they inched towards the toilet, before she turned and walked away.

She opened the door to his room and pulled in the treat she had planned for him. Inspired by Rachel when they were sitting down to breakfast, Cuddy quickly put her daughters plan into action and stole the huge old television from the nurse's lounge. Then went to work on making the rest of it come together, managing to get everything accomplished and arrive at House's bedside without him waking up before she came.

"What is it?" House eyed the large bulky screen sitting at the foot of the bed as Cuddy was plugging the final cord in.

"A television." She stated simply and pulled a tray of food around to the side of the bed.

Wilson helped him back into bed. "See that wasn't so bad. Looks like you motor skills are fully functioning. That's great House."

"Cheerleader…I don't need one."

"Noted." Wilson began to pull the covers over him but was swatted away but House's persistence in not being treated like a five year old. "I'll be back in a few hours. Make you get out of that bed all over again."

"Very happy for it." House retorted under his breath.

"Thanks Wilson." Cuddy watched him walk out of the room before she kicked her heels off her feet and lifted the tray from the plate of food. "Breakfast in bed."

"Sex in bed?" He replied.

"Not yet…this will have to do for now. Scoot over." She held a hint of a smile as she shimmied next to him in bed and brought the tray across both of their laps. "You need to eat something."

"Food sucks there."

"This is not from this hospital. I brought it from Marco's up the street." She poised the remote in her hand and switched on the television.

House nodded silently and studied the array of food in front of him, it all looked strange to him and he couldn't decide what to choose. "What can I eat?"

"Anything you want." She studied him carefully and witnessed that he was struggling with something but she couldn't figure out what. "Uh…how about a bagel?"

He narrowed his eyes at the round piece of dough in her hands, knowing he liked something else with it but he couldn't think of the word. He scanned the tray for help and saw a container of what he thought was it. "With…white on the top." He stammered and hated himself for failing at figuring out the actual words.

"Right…" Cuddy opened up his request and began to smear it on the bagel. "Cream cheese." She offered to him quietly, trying to not upset him, but offering him the words she knew he was struggling for.

"Thanks." House whispered and took the food in his hands, not bearing to look at her face in embarrassment and anger; he focused instead on the glowing screen ahead as a familiar movie began to play.

"Yellow Submarine…Rachel suggested I bring this to you today. She said The Beatles would make you feel better."

House stared at the screen as the opening music began to softly play. "Rachel…" He spoke her name. Visions of her face played back in his mind. Her bright smile as she played cards with him on Cuddy's bed, the way she twirled around the family room when she couldn't keep still, the way her voice sounded as she hummed to herself while she brushed her teeth. He remembered it all…and it calmed him.

He turned back to Cuddy, and she turned her head to meet his eyes. "Tell her…thanks." House spoke softly.

"I will." She stretched her head up just slightly and placed a kiss at the corner of his mouth.

Then she shifted against him and laid back against the pillows, bringing her arm around his stomach, aligning her body alongside his…

Her head came to rest on his shoulder…and his hand came around her side, folding over her hip as he tucked her close.

To worn to stay awake, their eyes both close in the early morning hours, before the '_yellow submarine' _even begin's its journey…


	31. Chapter 30

**First of all THANK YOU for all your well wishes on my engagement! And all of your amazing reviews of course! **

**This chapter is a wee bit shorter, but I've had zero time to write, and the perfectionist in me can't stand to put forth a rushed chapter, especially since the next Chappie will be the last.**

**However I am going to do an epilogue too… so I ask you this:**

**Would you rather wait and have the last chapter and epilogue posted at the same time?...Or do you want the last Chapter to come as soon as I find it fit enough for people to read, and then wait for the epilogue to be posted after that?**

**Let me know!**

* * *

><p>The elevator doors parted only a second after it was called to the third floor. Of course after the metal box opened, and was already peeked to capacity with people, Cuddy forced herself to finally acknowledge that today was not shaping up to be in her favor. She looked to her watch, seeing the hands pointing to eleven thirty, which only served to further her foul mood along.<p>

Her fingers clenched together and she emitted a low growl under her breath before she moved with determination towards the stairwell. She needed an escape. It was the only thought she could weed out properly in her mind.

So her legs began to head up instead of down as was her original destination. Holing up in her office bathroom didn't seem to be enough; she needed more distance to get a hold on everything that seemed to be happening around her without her consent or any sign of reprieve.

Cuddy swung the door to the hospital roof open with force. The handle banged against the wall as she emerged into the warm summer season that spilled out in front of her. She squinted in the sunlight and her hand came up to her eyes, guarding from the intense glare as she surveyed her surroundings; finally taking in a proper lungful of unfiltered air.

She spotted an old bench. It had sat in the far corner of the roof for many years, and she instantly crossed the roof to sit down on the rickety wooden slats, kicking off her uncomfortable heels.

She looked carefully around her, noticing with relief she was entirely alone, and the notion began to bring a sense of calm back into her body...one that she hadn't felt in what seemed like centuries.

But as soon as she allowed her guard to be taken down, to weaken from the strong roots she had put in place over the last two weeks...her eyes began to moisten.

Cuddy feverishly became angry with herself, knowing that no good would come from shedding any more tears. Whatever frustrations, whatever heart-ache she had lived through, wouldn't be helped if she broke down now.

So she quickly dabbed under her eyes to stop any drops from falling, then she leaned back against the top of the wooden bench and stared up into the blank summer sky.

"Cuddy?"

"Wilson?" She lifted her head. "How did you even know I was up here?"

"I ran into Dr. Marks. He said he saw you tearing up the stairs like an angry woman on the verge."

"Oh I did not."

"Meeting went that well huh?"

"Wonderful." Cuddy retorted with loathing in her voice while she picked imaginary lint from her skirt. Wilson walked towards her from a few feet away and quietly sat down on the bench, waiting for her to continue. "The board cornered me. Apparently they unanimously feel that I have been highly inadequate in my responsibilities lately...like I haven't devoted the last fifteen years of my life to this damn hospital."

"I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you warn me about all of this? Surely there was some secret clandestine meeting that I was not invited too so my lack of administrative skills could be discussed."

"I wanted to tell you...but I honestly thought I was making headway at persuading them not to say anything until you got your footing back under you. With everything that you've been through in the last couple weeks-"

"-They don't care." She cut in.

"No...they don't. Especially when it comes to House taking precedent over everyone else's pathetic concerns...it will blow over."

"He's still in the hospital. It's not like I've taken any time off. I'm here, _everyday_." Her voice rose despite her best efforts to tap down her emotions.

"But they feel…that you're not truly here. I mean how can you be focused on anything besides House's recovery…and grieving your loss."

Cuddy remained silent, looking back to the sky in thought. Knowing he was absolutely right…and so was the board. She felt herself slipping out of control, and she despised feeling like she couldn't manage everything around her. "Why weren't you at the meeting? I could have used you in my corner...would've been the only one."

"My patient coded. Had to call time of death."

"Oh…" She looked over to him, finally seeing the pain in his eyes that she hadn't noticed before in her selfish rant. "I'm sorry Wilson."

"It was for the best…I don't ever wish to be in that much pain."

Cuddy nodded absently, feeling guilty for prodding him in his time of suffering. But then she remembered that he dealt with death more than anyone she knew. He was an oncologist. His patients were often incredibly ill, some beyond saving. He had to compartmentalize within himself to get through each day. Cuddy realized it was why he was such a comfort for her over the last couple weeks; he had years of experience coping with loss.

"And the board will get over it. They had their 'talk' with you…everything will get back to normal now. It's just a power struggle, you know that."

"Yeah." She looked back to the sky, wishing she could just melt into it and vanish…take a little break from it all.

"I actually came up here with good news." Wilson spoke after a few moments of quietly sitting beside her.

"Really?"

"Yes. Chase just received House's scans from this morning and there are no further signs of the bleed we saw in last week's scans…he can go home today."

"Oh thank God." Cuddy felt like a breath she had been holding for entirely too long could finally be released. "If I had to endure one more day of House ranting about being imprisoned in the _sadistic hospital from hell _I think I would have to take up drinking…heavily."

"Yeah…I already started." Wilson smiled over to her in common jest, eliciting a throaty laugh from Cuddy, and they both began to relax.

"Does House know he's being released?"

"No…figured I would let you handle that."

"He can't be alone yet. Even though he thinks he is perfectly fine…but those headaches are going to incapacitate him for awhile, and he's still inverting words."

"He wants to go home. I'm not sure you could stop him from that. Plus you are going to be at work all the time anyway, so the only person that would be there to watch him would be your nanny."

"Which is my Mother presently…"

"What? How did that happen? And why haven't you come pounding on my door to vent to me. "

"It only happened a few days ago…and so far it's all going eerily complacent. My nanny quit because of her overbearing demeanor. Of course if you ask Arlene it was nothing more than 'polite interferences. "

"Why don't I believe that. "

"Trust me I don't either, but I also wasn't completely taken with the new nanny anyway. I had to hurry and hire when we returned home, but I could have found someone a little more adequate. So in the mean time she's taken the job temporarily until I find a suitable replacement."

"That's a nightmare."

"Yeah…and her watching over House would be an even bigger nightmare."

"The apocalypse"

"Pretty much."

"And I can't take time off right now. " Wilson spoke with regret, "I'm way too backed up with patients to leave them in the hands of Dr. Hendricks."

"Yeah…He's an idiot."

"Careful. You are slowly morphing into House you know." Wilson wagged his eyebrows at her with a smile.

"Well…he is."

"You hired him."

"I know…didn't know he was such an incompetent oncologist when I did though." Cuddy shook her head in defeat. "Guess he gets his wish…at least till I figure something else out."

"When are you going to tell him Cuddy?" Wilson looked over to her with sadness in his eyes, both of them knowing instantly what he was referring too. He had waited two weeks for her to have the strength to talk about it. Sat idly by while she wasted chance after chance of divulging the painful truth to House, and the time had come to make her face it head on.

Cuddy bit her lip and looked away from him; the subject was like a dark plague hanging over her head, hard to even think about without crying. "I don't know yet."

"He can handle it Cuddy…the longer you wait-"

"I know…but it's me that can't handle it yet."

"I can be there with you. You don't have to do this alone…but he needs to know about the baby. He will find out eventually on his own. And that's not fair to him."

"None of it is fair." She spoke lowly, and incredibly defeated.

"But it's the reality all the same."

"He hasn't even mentioned it…the baby…since the surgery."

"Yes he has." Wilson replied softly.

"He _has_?" Cuddy finally braved to look at his face, his quiet confession jarred her. "When?"

"A few days ago…he was worried he wouldn't get better quickly enough to help you with things once the pregnancy starts to become a bigger burden for you. With work…and Rachel. He knows his recovery period could be long…the headaches could stay with him for months, and combine that with his elevated leg pain…"

"I can't believe he was thinking about all of that." Cuddy felt the ache in her throat as she swatted tears off her cheeks, no longer able to keep them at bay.

"I think beyond anything…his main concern is that he won't be a capable father to two children when the time comes. He wants to be a man that you can count on…not a man that is in so much pain he can only handle that…and nothing more."

"He hasn't said any of this to me…I thought…it was all too much. I thought I was helping him by not telling him what happened. I don't want him to think he has to take care of me when he needs to focus on his own rehabilitation…and I don't want him to think that this is his fault."

"It's House…" Wilson let out a deep sigh, "You and I both know that you can't stop him from feeling what he wants. Or stop him from reacting a certain way. But any sort of guilt he may initially carry over all of this _will_ dissipate…it will just take time…for both of you."

"Time…" She repeated his last word to herself, hoping that time would heal all wounds, and they could finally move on with their lives…leave the pain behind forever.

He got up and stood in front of her, "Come on…" He gestured for her to slip her shoes back onto her bare feet, and then held out his hand to help her up. "Let's go give House some good news before you have to let him hear the bad."

And with that they both headed across the rooftop to the man lying downstairs waiting impatiently to be set free from his cage.

* * *

><p>"I am capable of holding my own bag Cuddy. I still have control from my arms."<p>

"I'm already carrying it House. Just stop fighting me over everything and walk to the damn door."

"You want to carry me too?" House muttered loud enough for her to hear as he slammed the car door and watched her scowl in his direction, slamming her own door in return.

They walked ahead in silence. Cuddy made a point to walk slow, keeping pace with him until she saw that it only pissed him off further and then carried on without him, grabbing the keys to unlock his apartment door.

She inched inside and threw his bag on the couch haphazardly, leaving the door ajar so he could follow her inside.

"Just how I left it." He came through the doors after a few more moments.

"You mean smelling like old food?" She retorted, already sick of his attitude all morning before he was finally discharged, and mirroring it with disdain of her own.

"It smells like home to me." He replied as he plopped on the couch next to his bag and flipped on the television. "Aw cable…how I've missed me." His shoes were discarded immediately.

Cuddy heard his misstep but refrained from correcting him, even though ever fiber of her frustrations wanted to yell out _it's you, not me! _But as much as the spite she felt bubbling within herself seemed to want to burst free, a bigger part of her was just glad he was home, and incredibly grateful the cantankerous man sitting in front of her was still going to be there to annoy her for many years to come.

She stood blankly watching him flip through his television guide. "Well…I'm sure you have about a zillion crappy reality shows to catch up on so I will leave you to rot your new healthy brain."

House looked up as she plucked his bag from the couch in order to deposit it in his bedroom for him. "You don't want to stay and watch?" He patted the sofa next to his hip, "I know you secretly love those Housewives from New Jersey."

"Never." She retorted, even though he was irritatingly right in his assumptions, but she would never admit that to him.

She proceeded down the hall hearing him call after her to '_stop mothering him' _and something about being overbearing, but she continued anyway and settled his things back into the proper drawers; most of which just ended up in the dirty clothes hamper, but she refrained from her further impulse to start a load of clothes for him.

The television played some ridiculous music from the other room, and she knew he was now immersed in whatever crappy thing he was watching. She felt heaviness as she surveyed the subdued bedroom. She didn't really want to leave him there all by himself, but she also had a daughter at home that she hadn't spent much time with over the last couple weeks, not to mention that she got the distinct impression that House and her would only further butt heads in their current moment of transition, and she didn't want _that _to escalate either.

As she turned to leave something caught her eye. She wasn't sure why it even did; it was so minor a thing to notice but she went over to it anyway. The drawer of House's nightstand was shimmied closed, but not completely, and what looked to be a piece of paper was not tucked entirely inside the cubby. She knew she shouldn't snoop but she peeked closer at the object without touching, the glossiness of the edge sticking out signified that it was perhaps a photograph…and before she knew it she was pulling it nimbly out of the drawer.

Her knees buckled, but she found the edge of the bed and caught herself from falling to the floor. Her hands shook as she held the photo in her hands.

The grainy gray lines.

The blackness surrounding the little ball of light in the center.

The misshapen circle holding the tiny lost soul in place…now the only thing she had left to remind her of what they manage to create for so brief a time.

She felt her hands clench around the flimsy paper. House must have printed this out somehow…went back for it…her thoughts swirled around as she pondered the image before her. The picture began to drip with sheen, only then triggering to her that she had begun to cry and her tears were now wetting the memory she needed to allow her heart to move beyond.

But she had no idea how she would ever manage to move past the hole that had formed in her spirit.

"I went back the next day."

His voice broke her from her trance and she looked up to the shadow of him standing a few feet in front of her. "The machine wasn't being used anymore so I was able to print the last image…"

She had chickened out telling him about their loss when Wilson and her had returned to his hospital room. He hadn't a clue why she was sitting on his bed, shedding tears with a vice grip around a small photograph…and the confusion on his face finally reached her…there was no way of hiding anything from him now.

"I'm glad you went back." She quietly spoke, looking into his face before she felt pulled back to the painful memory held in her hands.

"Hormones kicking your ass today?" He asked hesitantly as he tried to discern her emotions. House lingered in his doorframe, studying the tear stained woman in front of him with careful eyes.

"Something like that." She shuddered under her breath, wiping her face clean of residual moisture. Then she gave the photo one last glance before she unraveled it from her grasp and placed it back in the drawer where it had rested before, shutting it away. "House…" She stopped herself from crying more, swallowing down her pain, she rose from her perch on the edge of his bed.

House took in the scene in front of him, putting it all together in a perfect list on the white board he could visualize in his head.

Processing the clues:

Her loss of weight.

The faded glow in her eyes.

Cuddy pulling away from him…he felt it more and more with each day.

Her tears over seeing the photo he had secretly went back to find.

"You just figured it out?" She witnessed the change in his eyes. It was an unmistakable look. "Didn't you?" She could feel the agony in her heart growing stronger…now they would both be grieving.

"What happened?" House felt his voice hitch as sharp twinges of ache began to encroach through his body. It was such an immediate reaction. So jostling to his emotional core; so distinctly natural to feel heartbroken over the news, that he knew undoubtedly he had not only accepted the idea of their baby, but had also grown to depend on it as part of the new life he finally felt ready to embrace.

But a part of that was gone now. "When?"

"It happened very quickly…I'm…so sorry House."

"Why are you apologizing? " He shook his head, feeling a headache screaming to a throw a party in what felt like the center of his brain. Every feeling was mixed together; every kind of pain his body was coursing with, clouded his mind.

He looked into her face and her sky blue eyes transfixed him. He remembered he was not the only one in pain now; he had to help her too. And clearly this had not just happened, she had been holding onto it for some time. But the thought of her dealing with it all alone made it almost unbearable to consider.

"Are….you okay?" He finally asked the most important question and stepped towards her, bringing his hands up to hold onto her arms.

"I'm…" Cuddy felt an immediate sense of comfort as he held her trembling body close. It had been since before the surgery that he was the one to initiate contact, and it was an overwhelming sensation to be enveloped by his strong arms once more.

She buried her head in the center of his chest, "I'm doing okay…now." She mumbled into his collarbone, as her arms came around to embrace him back…

They unlocked their holds but remained close. House ran his thumb slowly down the side of her face, grazing her hair. There was a certain hollowness to his expression, Cuddy knew he was already lost in his process of grief, and she felt her own personal sorrow brimming to the surface…

She had spent the last week feebly trying to tuck it all away.

"How long have you been holding this?"

"A… little while." No part of her wanted to share the details with him. She knew he would begin to put the blame on himself the moment she revealed when it started.

He sighed and limped with unease to the bed, fighting his frustrations as he struggled to make it a few feet without looking like he was in agony.

Cuddy felt horrible watching him struggle to stand for longer than ten minutes at the time; the pain in House's leg seemed to be twice as much since the surgery…and without vicodin to help soothe the pain, it was nearly impossible for him to be free at any moment during his recovery. "Did you already take ibuprofen this morning?"

"Yes." He tried to mask a flash of new pain, "Now tell me the real question."

Cuddy felt confused for a moment, "You mean answer?" She offered softly, hating correcting him because she knew it only served to frustrate him. But it was essential to his healing process, to know when his thoughts were still jumbled, and consciously try to fix the mistakes.

House cleared his throat with a slight bow of his head, biting back irritation. "Yes…tell me what you're hiding."

"I don't remember everything…I was with Wilson…and I passed out after I felt the first pain in my back. "

"Where were you, did you fall to the floor, hit your head? "

"No nothing like that. I made it to a chair…in the observation room...before I fainted."

He knew what that meant, and the only reason she would have been in that room with Wilson. "I'm…sorry I wasn't there." He hadn't a clue what the right thing to say was anymore, his life felt like it was trapped in a haunting movie.

She could hear the guilt hanging on his words instantly. "House, Wilson tested my hormone levels…and they didn't match the normal range for how far along I was. There was nothing that could have fixed this… or could have caused it to happen either." She sat down on the bed by his side, waiting for him to say something in return.

But he remained quiet.

"It was never going to come to term…" She reached for his hand.

"Why did you collapse? Was there more tests made?"

"Wilson channeled his inner House for you that day. Don't worry. I'm healthy…my body is already recovered."

"Good." House whispered robotically, staring at their intertwined fingers resting on her lap. "My head is pounding." His eyes closed as he spoke.

"Lie down…here." Cuddy hoisted herself up on the bed and fixed his pillows for him.

House moved to her in the middle of the bed and laid back on top of the sheets. He closed his eyes again but not before he moved his hand to rest against her thigh. "You don't have to leave yet do you?"

"I should…" Cuddy glanced to the clock, "What time is Wilson coming by?"

"You mean to baby-sit me?"

"Somebody needs too." She remarked, as she made a hasty decision and swung her body around to align with House's on the bed, her head melted into his pillow, her arm wrapped around his waist.

"Wow…I didn't even have to ask you twice to stay." He tucked his arm under her pillow and she burrowed closer to him, raising her neck to lie on top of his shoulder.

"Rachel's in school for another three hours…I figure I can take care of you till then."

"Thanks Mom." House brought up his hand and started to run his finger through her hair; it always comforted him as much as it did her. "What about work?"

Cuddy worried her mouth, knowing House couldn't see her actions. All she could think to say in response was 'I don't care!' "Uh…it's fine. I don't have any more meetings today." She chose a half truth instead.

"And she ditches work for this?" He joked softly, "Lying in bed with me, on a…Wednesday-"

"-Thursday." She corrected with amusement.

"Wait…I am _still_ going to live right? This isn't your way of telling me I have months to survive. Cause you never leave work early."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, lifting her head off his shoulder to look at his face, "You _are _going to live…as far as I can tell."

"How far is that exactly Dr. Cuddy?"

"Far enough to know that you have time to drive me completely insane."

"Well that could be any day."

"If you don't stop talking, and let me lay by your side, you might be one step closer." She smiled as she cupped his cheek in the palm of her hand and leaned in to kiss his soothingly warm lips. "I only have three hours till I need to be home for Rachel. I think now would be a perfect time for a nap."

"God we are old."

"Speak for yourself." She kissed him once more, eyes closed as she folded her mouth perfectly in line with his, "Now…stop talking. It's been a long day." She nestled back into his side, tucking her shoeless feet under the edge of the blankets.

"K…" House mumbled as his eyes closed even tighter, turning his head to press his face into the top of her curly hair. "Night Nana."

She smiled widely, "Night Grandpa."

* * *

><p>"<em>Mom?" <em> She tiptoed into the bedroom as quietly as her bare feet could manage on the creaking wood floor. The rise and fall of her sleeping mother's breathing was noticeable in the moonlight streaming into the bedroom.

"Mommy?" She spoke a little louder; scared of getting into trouble, but urgently needing to be comforted from the blue -eyed crazed monsters that had waken her tumultuous sleep.

Rachel waited a second longer to see if her calling worked. But when she saw no movements she approached the bed and began her climb, throwing her Housie and Lisa dolls on top of the comforter first before she scooted up the blankets and came face to face with her still slumbering Mother.

She stared at her face in the darkness, coming to a decision not to wake her but just snuggle close to her side in order to be protected. Her Housie doll had seen better days. The 'fur' around the unicorn's body was matted in places and less colorful than it had once been. But she still carried him everywhere she went. And Lisa, of course was his wife, so she had to tag along too. Carefully she lifted the covers and tucked both of her dolls in by their heads, scrunching them down so they sat just right, then slid her body in between them and settled back in for the night.

* * *

><p>It was faint…but incredibly familiar. The sound only one object could create against her window pain. Not rain, or the scraping of a tree branch swaying in the night wind, but the distinct sound of a long thin cane rapping against the glass.<p>

Her eyes jarred open. Her mind cloudy from the deepening slumber.

She rubbed the sleep from her lids and turned to see a small mound of covers piled on top of a child shaped form. Two smaller heads from some old worn dolls were the only set of eyes she could see peeking out from the covers.

'_Tap tap tap tap…"_

She remembered why she was truly awake and found her footing as she walked over to the side of her room.

She made a mock face of annoyance as she eyed the late night visitor from behind the glass. She opened it up as quietly as she could, "You know I _do_ have a front door…and a phone." She whispered and gestured towards the sleeping child in her bed, so he would know to do the same.

"Sorry…brain tumor…I forgot." She helped him inside and together they shut the glass pane back into place.

"I'm pretty sure your brain tumor is a thing of the past, so you can't keep using that excuse forever you know."

"I think I have a few more months…I've been told I'm still in recovery."

"And how did you get here? I hope it wasn't by _you_ driving here in the middle of the night. You're not supposed to be driving at all." She moved around him to look at her empty street, not seeing his car or bike parked in front, much to her relief.

"I'm well aware…and you took my keys remember."

"Oh…right."

"There are other ways to get from here to there…there to here."

"Thank you Dr. Suess."

"I took a cab."

"Oh so you do know how to use a phone." She smiled at him. "I thought you were with Wilson tonight."

"He passed out early…can't hang with the grown-ups. " House took off his button down shirt and kicked off his shoes, placing his cane against a chair. "He is quite an irresponsible sitter if you ask you."

Cuddy eyed him suspiciously, he was careful to avoid her eyes. "Did you drug him?"

"I would never do that." He unbuckled his pants with an absolute look of innocence plastered on his face.

"You do that to someone at least once a month."

He finally finished removing enough clothes so he could comfortably go to sleep, then he came in to her space and wrapped his arms loosely around her waist, "Oh…can I stay the night?"

Cuddy had to bite her lower lip from laughing out loud and waking up Rachel. His buzzed hair-cut from the surgery, made him look sexier than she could bear. And even cuter when he was slowly tracing circles against her lower back with his gentle fingers. "Looks like you already made that decision."

"Are you guys awake?" The petite sleeping mound of blankets stirred, as an observant pair of eyes and ears emerged from the blankets. "House is yours cold better?"

"I told her you had a bad head cold and had to stay at home so you could get better." Cuddy said quickly under her breath, "Rachel it's still night time, and why aren't you in your own comfy bed? It's not just for decoration you know." She crossed to the bed and sat beside her very awake daughter.

"Cause um I had a bad dream…is House staying here tonight? Can we watch cartoons in the morning like before?" She looked back and forth between the two of them inquisitively. A smile already creeping on her face as she waited for the right reply.

"Depends…what do you have in mind?" He approached the other side of bed slower than normal. Without a cane, House felt the pain emanate through his thigh as if it were a direct link to cause a thunderous headache to erupt deep within his skull.

"How bout some Yogi Bear?"

"Sure Boo Boo…but your dolls are resting their furry heads on my pillow."

"Rachel if you want to watch cartoons in the morning then you have to go back to your room to sleep. House is still getting better, he needs a good rest in a bed without a kicking four year old to torment him."

"_But-but what if those monsters get me with their slimy hands?" _She whined immediately, rubbing her eyes.

"What if I take you…tuck you back in? Monsters are scared of me." House offered without even thinking. But he knew it would work in getting her back into bed. He felt the smile that graced Cuddy's lips before he checked to see if it was truly there.

It was.

"Okay…but then we can watch cartoons right?" Her timid voice asked, her hands already grabbing her dolls and tucking one under each arm.

"Yeah, but you have to go back to sleep, no coming back in here and wiggling between us."

"Come on baby." Cuddy lifted her from the middle of the bed and placed her feet on the floor. "Wait let me get your cane." She crossed to the chair where it rested, coming over to his side and kissing his cheek before she handed him his cane. "You sure you feel up to this? Want me to come with?"

"I got it." He replied with quiet ease, looking over towards Rachel.

She stood quietly against the doorframe, snuggling her nose into the ragged head of the unicorn House had sent in a small package for her fourth Birthday. It felt like years had gone by since he began his attempts at finding a way back to Cuddy. Finally pouring his whole heart unabashedly into telling her once and for all, he couldn't bear to live without her…without them both.

His eyes glanced back to Cuddy who was watching his reverie closely. "Keep the blankets warm." He leaned in as he spoke and kissed her softly, running his hand down her arm. Then he pulled away and gingerly walked to Rachel, pausing for only a moment before he silently held out his fingers for her pint-sized hand to latch onto.

Cuddy watched them walk side by side until they turned the corner and vanished from view. The image of House being such a contented loving father, of Rachel looking up to him with unabashed admiration, stole her breath away. It was like a picture perfect snapshot in her life that she would always hold onto. And never, from that moment on, forget how truly lucky she was.

Everything she needed in life was already right there by her side.


	32. Author's note

**Just an update to let everyone know I have not forgotten about you! **

**On top of working and trying to finish the last Chappie…so that it doesn't suck :)… I found out almost two weeks ago that I'm pregnant! So suffice it to say, the hormones and the veeeerrryyy sleepy feelings are not helping me write whatsoever. I also, like the Cuddy in my story, have had the unfortunate experience of miscarrying in the past, so I'm sure you can understand my caution, and that allowing sleep to outweigh writing is what needs to happen right now.**

**That being said, the Chapter is half finished, so fingers crossed I can get it done for you soon. **

**Don't give up on me! Guess it gives you all time to re-read the story so that the ending is that much more exciting, LOL!**


	33. Another Author's Note

My word!

It's been far too long, and I want to say how sorry I am for failing to post my last Chapter.

Things have been a whirlwind in my life, I moved, then found out there were complications with my pregnancy…but he seems to be doing great now. I'm at 28 weeks today, Yay! Then my Grandmother passed away a few weeks ago, so as you can see….the neglect was for a very good reason. But I have NOT forgotten about finishing, I promise. Just give me a couple more weeks and I should be able to post again. I wrote half of the chapter already, but it's a lot harder than I imagined writing the last chapter of something.

Hang with me!


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