Beyblade 1. Standing Tension

Insomnia

By The Eternity Dragon

Disclaimer: …..o..0;

Chapter one

Standing Tension

Authors note 1:

Ah-look it's me! What the hell am I doing in the Beyblade section? I usually write Dragonballz angst/romances have I gone mad? Too late! That happened a long time ago…. moving on.

I never thought I would write Beyblade fanfiction, but it turns out there is too much left unsaid in G-revolution.

Who am I kidding?

I love Kai, and I love Tyson, and I adore Kai and Tyson together…hence the fiction (no duh!) So please I invite you to read this oddity I have put together in hope of a plot, characterisation and a good read! Now, on with the show…I mean music…no that's still wrong…whatever…

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"_I'm fine_," Tyson repeated for what seemed the hundredth time, glaring at Daichi over the top of his rice bowl, his cap pulled low over his face and his deep blue eyes showing signs of exhaustion.

"I'm just saying," the little red head piped up from the other end of the table the volume of his voice causing gooseflesh to erupt all over his companions body, "lately you seem to be all out of energy. You're even blading badly, and you're not eating." Daichi pointed a chopstick accusatorily at Tyson, "I think you're loosing your grip!"

The other occupants at the table, a young slender female with brown hair and inquisitive eyes, a gangly youth wearing thick glasses and an old man with long grey hair, all turned to from the diminutive red head to the world champion who slammed his blue willow pattern rice bowl onto the table top in a storming temper.

"I am _not_ loosing my grip!" he shouted, his cheeks flushing scarlet and his moody blue eyes dancing with anger, "Whatever the hell that means!"

"You know what it means," the other shouted back, his voice rising up through the ceiling, "you can't blade anymore!"

Kenny made a noise of interruption but was immediately stifled from the livid expression Tyson shot him.

"So what I'm loosing my touch. Who gives a damn anymore?" he shouted standing up from the table his fists clenched and shaking, "Tyson," Hillary began on a pacifying note, biting her lower lip, "He doesn't mean it like that-"

But she was interrupted before she could finish however as Daichi sprang up from the table both his fists raised before his face, "I damned well meant it like that!" he hollered, leaping about the room swinging his arms like a monkey, "What's wrong with you? You can't blade, you don't sleep, and you hardly even eat properly half the time!"

"Yeah," snarled Tyson through clenched teeth, his dark blue eyes sparkling dangerously, "so what's it got to do with you?"

"Oh, I'm just wondering when you became such a loser!"

Tyson made a lunge for Daichi who sprang agilely out of the way hurling insults in every direction, "You're so full of s-"

**_Thwack!_**

Stars flew thick and fast through the air as an explosion of light erupted before Tyson's eyes and a sharp throbbing pain exploded on the top of his head.

"That is enough from both of you!" his grandfather said looking unusually stern as he set the meter long stick back on the mantle piece again, Tyson heard Daichi whine from somewhere to his left and felt slightly better.

"Dudes you can't go on sorting out your no-no's like this, it's seriously cramping both of your styles, you need to chill out, especially you my little man!"

Tyson snorted derisively and stood up his head swimming, "I am chilled!" he snapped blinking at the little black dots that were wavering before his pupils, "I'm sick of all of this!"

Dimly he saw Hillary walking towards him, her brown eyes large and soft with concern, "Tyson," she said gently, her hands outstretched, "We're all just worried about you." He pushed her away, feeling sick with himself at the hurt expression that twisted about her face as he did so.

"I don't want your pity!" he snapped, taking a step backwards away from all of them, wishing he could stop the flow of unkind, spiteful, wounding words that were tumbling from his mouth.

"For god's sakes leave me alone!"

"Tyson!" Kenny began standing up, his voice full of distress, "We want to help you!"

"I don't need any of your god damned help!"

"Now little dude," his grandfather began, but Tyson had had enough, he turned his back on them, grabbing his jacket from the hallway and slamming the front door behind him on his way out.

"Tyson you jerk!" he heard Daichi call from the hallway, and felt his stomach twist as he discerned the sound of genuine pain in his friends voice, "Take off again why don't you!"

"Let the little man go-" came the reply from the dining room, "he needs to blow of some heavy steam."

Tyson felt his legs break into a run as he stumbled blindly down the gravel path out through the gate and into the darkened street. His heart was thumping madly in his ears and he could hear the sound of his boiling blood rushing through his veins in a mad tempo of delirium.

God he hated himself right now, wholly and utterly, if the earth could have swallowed him up and devoured him then and there he would have been happy.

He slowed down, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets, breathing heavily as he trudged down the boulevard, the dim orange street lamps flickering in the darkness .

"What the hell is wrong with me?" he muttered, staring straight ahead and seeing nothing but a carnivorous obscurity ahead of him. He had had a lot of mood swings lately, suddenly out of the blue, in the middle of a conversation, halfway through a meal, in the hours he spent at night staring listlessly at the cracked paintwork of his ceiling. He couldn't explain it, but it was happening more and more regularly, he found his typically buoyant optimism sinking under what would seem a growing sea of depression. He bit back a sardonic laugh, and felt even sicker with himself for what he had said to his friends, his whole attitude in general was depressing and frankly nauseating, he hated self pity and despised the pity from others even more, even if it was from his friends. Hell yes he understood why they felt like that, half of him, the sane half of him wanted, needed, cried out for their help, whilst the other part of him, the stubborn part pushed them as far away as possible, refusing their help and their worry. He was a glutton it seemed for punishment, neither side was happy.

Tyson turned a street corner and found himself crossing the bridge that arched over the flowing river, slowly he traversed it, kicking a solitary pebble into the dark glutinous waters below. He moved over to the railings and leaned across watching the river flow beneath it, the starlight reflecting in the shadowy surface rippling into strange dazzling shapes that flickered and undulated into twisted light. He found himself thinking the same thing that he had thought countless times over and over and over again, "Are you watching this too Kai?"

His stomach clenched, and a hot lucid pain wrenched through his chest as he felt himself begin to shake with a humourless laughter that hurt the pectoral muscles of his abdomen, making them feel as if they were on fire.

He had had three years, six months and twelve days to think it over, to decide, understand and move on, but he still hadn't. It was amusing really when you thought about it, one person pining whilst the other one really didn't-couldn't give a damn. He had found out the hard way that Kai had never really cared whether or not he was dead or alive. As far as he was concerned, he was just another person taking up space and converting oxygen to carbon dioxide, what did he matter?

He had thought…he _had _thought differently years ago, when youth had allowed him to be easily lead and easily fooled. It was even easier to fall in love, so easy in fact that he hadn't even realised he was doing it until it was too late-and where exactly had it got him?

Tyson laughed softly, resting his elbows on the cool concrete of the rail and looking down into the turbulent waters below. He was older now, harder in some ways, his hair was still long and framing his heart shaped face, his eyes were large, thick lashed, and a deep bottomless blue that made him seem naïve in an innocent manner. His mouth was full and good natured, naturally turned up at the corners in half a smile. He had grown taller, although his frame was still slender, and his shoulders had remained narrow and high creating an aura of youth about him. There was something very fresh, pure and engaging that seemed to draw people to Tyson, almost an internal glow of something totally untainted by temptation or sullied by sin. It was present tonight as he lent over the side of the bridge gazing down at the dancing starlight, dressed as he was in faded jeans, an old T-shirt and a simple denim jacket. His was still the same Tyson Granger of the blade breakers, the same world champion, the same, young carefree Tyson of three years ago, the one that had taken life by the hand with a blithe smile. Yet now something in his expression had changed, some hurt had caused the sorrow that lingered along the curve of his mouth, the smile was not as untroubled as it had once been, and his eyes almost always seemed to contain an assessing look of distrust.

Tyson rubbed his eyes and bit back a yawn, resting his chin on his hands.

His thoughts drifted, memories spooled up from the back of his mind, falling back into nothingness once again, his lids became heavy and his thinking less coherent.

Why was is out of the countless hours he spent lying on his back staring listlessly up at his ceiling, willing, begging and wishing to fall asleep, only when he thought of him did he finally begin to slip into blissful nothingness?

"Why?" he whispered to the stars that flickered in and out of vision, "Why is it that I can no longer sleep?"

It's because I want to share this night a little longer with you….they whispered back.

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Ahem…well here it is, after much prep work, drafting and re-drafting and madly thrashing idea's around into a (somewhat) solid and consistent state…;...; (I hope anyway).

My eternal undead muse Murray: Let's face it, this is a load of phooey…

Me: How can you say that? ;...;

Murray: Because it is!

Me: But I love Beyblade so much! And I love Kai and Tyson…especially Kai…

Murray: Unhuh…perhaps you should have left well enough alone!

Me: Muses are supposed to be supportive :( (Pulls out muse catalogue)

Murray::::eyes it suspiciously: I thought you got rid of that…

Me: I subscribe…oooh; look they have an offer on the undead crew from Pirates of the Caribbean!

Murray::::::rolls beneath the table:


	2. Holding Smoke

**Insomnia**

**By The Eternity Dragon**

**Disclaimer: …..o..0;**

**Chapter Two**

**Holding Smoke**

Authors note 1: (: Thank you for the very warm replies and appreciation that this fic has got so far, I had no idea anyone would like this story at all…actually I felt the other chapter was rather short-but I guess it served as an good introduction. Herm, I will apologise in advance for this chapter…what can I say, I had pressure on me from exam results and then a rush of reading Fruits Basket manga 6-11. :laughs: yesssss, well as odd as that may seem it has a rather peculiar effect on me- I was actually starting to feel physically sick with tension…I guess I must really enjoy reading it. Reason number two is that I have been going through a sort of block-I attempted this chapter about six times from different angles and nothing worked so I tried this one….does it make _any _sense? It's supposed too, but I don't know, I think It raises more questions then it answers, and I don't think it's very good, but it's longer then the other chapter…gah- so I apologise again for the mess, and thank you for reading okay, 'hold your nose 'cause here comes the cold water'. (: I love that quote.

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It seemed like it had been raining for hours, drops upon endless drops fell from the cloud ridden sky. The rain was heavy, tumbling in fat clear, warm droplets to the earth beneath it. Running in tributaries down into the gutter, swishing and swirling at the grate, until it vanished in a cloud of white foaming froth into the recesses of a dark carnivorous hollow.

Droplets of water slid down the tiled roof of the dojo, down the outside walls and spooling onto the cool pane of the windows and trickling lethargically down the ledge. The air was still and horribly humid, breathing it in made you feel as though you were slowly drowning in lukewarm water, sticking to the insides of your mouth throat and tongue, gagging you, causing you to suck in more, leaving you gasping for cooler fresher air that was no where to be found.

He had been standing there for hours, his clothes soaked through, his dark blue hair sticking to the sides of his face, and his indigo eyes sparkling with a passionate determination as he launched the blade over and over and over again. His lips were tightly compressed, his expression grim, hands straight out before his face in the launch position, his arms were shaking slightly from the strain as he launched time after time, after time. The blade spun for a moment in the air, in perfect rotation as it fell in an arch towards the ground that came rushing up to meet it. Landing in the mud, spiralling for a moment in the glutinous soil, before spinning out of control and jolting to a sharp stop by his feet.

Tyson stooped down, inserting the blade back into the launch gear and straightened up, his face totally inexpressive, only his sparkling eyes gave away some of the bitterness he was feeling with every launch, some dark hardness that had settled in the depths iris, beneath the thick lashes that were clumping wetly together due to the pouring rain.

Every time he launched, the blade did exactly the same thing, once in touched the ground it span out of control, its gears making a **_"Grrrlanck!"_** sound that gradually faded away into the mud as it whirled to a staggering halt. Slowly, the ground gave way; a scar began to form beneath Tyson's feet, thin, curved in shape and hollow, the imprints from the attack disc embedding themselves in the wet soil every time the blade went down.

It was horrible to watch, the continual pattern of launch, spin, fall, stop, collect and repeat. Each time the look on the champions face was exactly the same, a sort of detached pain and bitterness as he bent down into the mud, his hand fumbling for the blade, his fingers numb and bleeding from the chapping of the hard metal. The skin of his hands rubbed red raw beneath the blue gloves, as the fabric bit once again into the flesh of his palms as he began to reset the launch again.

Daichi sat on the stoop, his head in his hands, subdued and dismal, watching his friend with a sort of horrified curiosity as the blade was discharged in an endless monotony of repetition that seemed to never end. Each time his eyes followed the familiar curve, the spin, the shudder, the grind and the halt, and he watched as Tyson bent down again to scoop the blade up again, his visage unreadable, and his eyes like that of a wild animals, glittering savagely and in pain.

He wanted to shout out "Stop Tyson, that's enough, you don't have to do it anymore, it's enough." But he couldn't his tongue stuck to the dryness of his mouth as he gazed helpless at the droplets of rain clinging to the rim of his friends red baseball cap, and wished, pleaded, begged with some unseen, unspoken thing that Tyson would just give up.

"Make him stop," he thought, the rain plunging heavily now onto the roof of the dojo, the beads of moisture bouncing up again in a frantic dance of aggression. Somewhere over head there was a lash of lightening and then a deep rumbling of thunder that sent vibrations trembling through the soggy earth, and for the first time Daichi felt afraid-afraid of the rain and the thunder, afraid of the stifling humidity, afraid of the way the blade juddered to a complete stop in the thick gelatinous mud, but most of all afraid for Tyson. His limbs began to shake, his heart pounding fast and delirious in his ears as he pulled his knees tighter to his chest as the realisation flooded through him.

_He couldn't-Tyson couldn't- he wasn't able to- he couldn't-he could no longer-…._

**_ "Stop!"_**

The yell came from the doorway, Daichi felt himself jump, as he turned to look, seeing a tall man in the dark jacket, with dark blue hair and dark cobalt eyes.

Tyson, soaked through to the bone became dimly aware of the prescience standing in the doorway to the dojo, his vision blurred, the outlines of objects incomprehensible and fuzzy. He registered the soft clamminess of the mud caked to the tips of his fingers, the sodden fabric of his clothes, and cold warmth of the rain that glided across the numb skin of his face, trickling onto his lips, lingering in the recesses of his mouth before running off the base of his chin.

His mind span; and he heard the dull clunk of the blade coming to another endless halt in the mud beneath his feet, faintly he registered his knees buckling beneath him, his fingers loosing their grip and the launcher tumbling from his frozen hands.

"I can't-" he said his voice hoarse, "I can't hear him anymore."

His vision became clouded, darkness pressed against his eyes and his legs gave way as he fell, face forward into the mud, his mind slipping into disjointed memories and thoughts, as his brother came rushing forwards. Noise became bubbles that burst and stilled into silence, and reality slowly slipped into nothingness, drowned in the mud that was closing in from all sides. Gradually suffocating him.

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"Can you hear me?" thin membrane of consciousness seemed to thin, waver and then break into thousands of tiny pieces shattering in all directions. The sound entered Tyson's mind and hung there as he opened his eyes, and stared up blankly at the cracked paintwork of his bedroom ceiling. He turned his head, and saw his brother, Hiro sitting by the bed, dressed in an open shirt and jeans, his hair tousled and damp from the rain, another pair of deep blue eyes staring into his own.

"Yes," he answered; his voice quiet, even speaking was becoming a delirious effort that seemed to resonate inside his head.

Hiro leant back in his chair, a dead weight lifting from his chest, and he put both hands on his forehead, thanking a nameless faceless thing for grace and mercy.

When the call had come in from his grandfather that same morning, anxiety had run rampant in his mind, it had been one of the only times in his life he had actually heard fear in the old man's voice.

"I can't get him to stop," he had said, his voice shaking slightly down the phone line, "he's been out there for hours, he's rubbing his hands raw, he won't stop launching the spinning top and the only thing it's doing is stopping. I need you to come and persuade him to lay off!" The message had been relayed over a bad signal, and his grandfathers voice had crackled slightly down the line, becoming distorted from it's original tone and form. But Hiro would have been able to discern the discomfort and unease in the message a mile off.

Tyson had always been so positive when he was younger, so optimistic, and now- the carefree, blithe smile he had been so used to seeing in the heart shaped visage of his brother's face had all but disappeared. The dominant expression he saw now was one of distrust, rejection and even pain, and when he looked at it, he felt like some part of him, the part of him that wanted to hold him close and protect him from the world seemed to die within himself. Somehow, his brother, his little brother had become unreachable, slowly withdrawing into a tightly closed shell. There were days still when Tyson would smile the blithe smile again, would laugh, and be the Tyson of three years ago like nothing had ever changed or happened, but it only rarely now.

The youth on the bed sat upright, propped up on his elbows, his eyes wide as he took in Hiro's bedraggled appearance, and leant forward gently brushing the hair from his brother's eyes, his mouth turned up in the corners in a slight smile.

"Why are you here?" the question lingered for a moment, silence flowed between both of them, and they simultaneously listened to the patter and drip of the rain on the roof of the dojo, and heard as it sluiced down the drainpipes and gurgled into the sloshing water of the gutter. Somewhere, the thunder still rippled through the sky, and the ground quivered as another flash of lightening lit up the sky, casting its eerie light over the earth.

Hiro caught Tyson's hand in his own and held it, the chillness of the flesh seeping through the warmth of his own fingers. Discerned the beginning of a smile on his own lips as he realised that both if their hands were now exactly the same size- where had the little brother gone?

"Don't you know?" he replied, his fingers tracing the permeating lines in Tyson's hand, gliding lightly over the chapped, raw skin.

There was a pause, the arm became rigid and the hand clenched, "I don't need another lecture." His voice wasn't cold or even angry, just firm; there was a stiffness about the tone that told Hiro of all the defences that had been built around this one issue.

"I don't want to give you a lecture." He too must keep his voice calm or wage war against the onslaught of anger and aggression that was pent up behind his brother's deep glittering blue eyes.

Tyson looked at the tender tissue of his palm the skin was red raw and irritated, a deep painful throbbing was steadily spreading its way up his wrist and into his brain, pulsing behind his ears and beating about his temple.

In truth he felt alone, totally utterly alone, even with Hiro sitting across from him, holding his hand like he used to when they were little, he found it difficult, _impossible_ to talk-to open his mouth and just say what he thinking. All the things he felt spiralled hopelessly in his mind, a tower of impossibility that threatened to crash over him at any given moment.

"What do you want then?" he was tired, physically and mentally, he wanted to lie down and just sleep in blessed oblivion, but he wasn't able to sleep-he couldn't sleep- when had he last slept?

Hiro paused, he wanted to ask Tyson why he had been standing out there in the pouring rain, he wanted to know why he hadn't come in after they had called him and called him. He wanted to know why Daichi was downstairs with tears in his eyes saying 'I didn't mean it." Over and over again. He wanted to know why he had run off, why he had stayed out all night. But even as he felt these questions bubble over his tongue he knew Tyson would answer them, and he felt helpless in a tide of emotions that were half hidden by obscurity.

Tyson tried to withdraw his hand, but Hiro's grip tightened as he wrenched it down, forcing his brother to look him in the eyes, his actions assured and unhurried,

'You're going to tell me the truth,' his eyes spoke softly, 'the whole truth.'

His little brother looked at him, his face at first impassive, his own deep blue eyes unfathomable, and the beginnings of a smile tugged suggestively at the corners. He felt the mud on his face and the dampness of his hair and the warmth of the room around them, and the gentle patter of the rain on the roof. For the first time in what seemed like a limitless sea of eternity Hiro moved forwards pulling them both into a bone crushing hug. There was the feeling of being three years old again, protected and loved along with that total security. The tightly wound feeling in Tyson's chest gently began to unravel, and an urge to cry bitterly at the nothingness that had enveloped him.

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"I couldn't feel it," Tyson was saying, his legs over the side of the bed as he stretched his arms high in the air in an exhausted yawn.

"When I tried to call Dragoon forth I felt nothing- just emptiness- no matter how many times I cried out his name nothing happened."

Hiro ran the towel through his hair once again, frowning thoughtfully as he sat in the middle of his brother's floor, his shirt hanging on the radiator, his chest bare, lean and muscular in the dim light.

"Perhaps emotionally you're too charged at the moment." he responded after some consideration, pulling the towel from his head, his hair tumbling into his eyes,

"Your mind is too clouded for you to blade properly, don't worry, it happens to everyone at some point in time. It happened to quite a few of the people I used to coach, but I wouldn't worry too much about it, they all recovered after a while. It's just a matter of time and getting to grip with whatever it is that's bugging you right now."

Tyson snorted derisively, the idea of confronting Kai seemed in his minds eye to be a ludicrous idea, like grabbing at smoke, it just drifted away from you no matter what you did to try and stop it from escaping.

"I always used to blade with my emotions," he said sighing, getting up from the bed and going to sit on the sill, pulling one knee to his chest as he let the other lie across the sill adjacent to him.

"But now, recently, I have too much to channel into…anything I do. I'm like a time bomb, with every passing moment the hand falls I become more and more charged. I hate it!" he snarled the last part vehemently, his hands digging into soft flesh of his knees.

"Daichi's right I can't blade anymore, I can't do anything- I feel so….hopeless."

"Stop being an ass Tyson," Hiro responded tersely as his brother looked at him in some surprise, his blue eyes wide, "you know perfectly well you're one of the best bladers out there. Recently you've just been a little off your game, it's nothing to get upset about." He paused here, regarding the blue haired youth for sometime, watching his expression carefully as the lips twisted into something of a genuine smile, the eyes went through a series of painful emotions before finally settling on affection, and the face, with its stubborn jaw tilted gently back.

"You think so?"

"I _know_ so."

They both grinned at this predictable answer, Tyson tapped the sill beneath him with his long fingers, and listened to the gentle drumming of his digits against the white enamelled wood.

"What should I do then?"

There was another pause, and Hiro stood up to retrieve his shirt from the radiator, his expression pensive, as he slipped the white linen over his toned torso.

"I think you should try Blitz blading."

Tyson frowned, he remembered Kenny saying something about this last week, something about a promotional show being hosted by the BBA, he was a bit vague on the details, he had been eating at the time.

"Why?"

Hiro shrugged in a nonchalant movement, throwing the towel over his shoulder and motioning to his brother to go downstairs with him.

"I think it would do you some good to try something new, that's all."

Tyson bit his lip, Hiro had a point, blading tended to remind him of Kai- the feeling he used to experience whenever he was near him, that powerful rush of adrenaline and the irrepressible happiness of just existing.

Perhaps, if he forgot blading, he could forget Kai too. It was a dismal thought with logic engrained into its bleak roots. Was he really trying to hold onto smoke? Was this silence in his heart trying to tell him to stop trying, to stop remembering, to finally let go of something that he wasn't sure even existed. Maybe if he let go, the sleeplessness would also disappear.

He nodded, his brother smiled at him and ruffled his hair, they were the same height now, same build, same face shape, but Hiro always appeared older then Tyson some way, a slight give in his expression perhaps, a deeper look of someone who has seen and experienced countless things.

He followed Hiro downstairs and found his grandfather sitting with Hillary, Kenny, Daichi and…Max at the kitchen table. Daichi, his face puffy and tearstained, jumped off the stool, a blur of red as he hurtled towards Tyson, barrelling him over as he yelled at the top of his voice, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't mean it!"

Pinned down by the dead weight on top of him, lying somewhere on the vicinity of the kitchen floor Tyson felt himself laugh, not bitterly or sardonically, a laugh that came from the depths of his abdomen in sudden blissful realisation that he didn't need to be alone anymore.

Daichi looked at him as Tyson laughed with one arm over his eyes, Max stood up from the table his cerulean blue eyes open wide,

"Tyson?" he said, looking at Kenny and Hillary in disbelief.

Hiro leant against the door, his eyes half closed in a smile as he tossed to towel into the laundry pile.

"It's all right," Tyson said, still laughing at the incredulous look in Daichi's gooseberry green eyes, "Do you think I can get up now?"

The little red head got off him slowly and warily, and the champion felt all the eyes in the room fall upon him.

"Max," he said, "when did you get here?"

The blonde haired youth blinked in surprise, "Me?" he asked, staring at his friend in disbelief, "I just got here, they-" he pointed vaguely to grandpa, Hillary, Daichi and Kenny who were all looking very white.

"They said you had collapsed."

Tyson shrugged, "You mean you did?" Max asked, his cornflower blue eyes wide in astonishment, "Are you alright?"

"Yes," came the slow thoughtful answer back, his deep blue eyes on the panelled wooden floor boards, his heart a dead weight pounding painfully in his chest.

"I've decided to forget."

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"Kai," Tala asked sternly, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him around so he could directly into his friends eyes, "are you alright with this?"

His companion narrowed his lavender eyes, his mouth twisting down into a grimace, "Of course I'm not alright with this." he hissed softly, his voice low and threatening, "But I don't really have I choice in the matter do I?"

"Well it was either this or Volitare."

Kai's eyes scintillated anger at the mention of his grandfather, and his mouth became a thin line, "I guess I chose the lesser of two evils then."

Tala licked his lips, his gaze unwavering as he looked directly into the lavender irises, "Of course we wouldn't have to be here if you hadn't have been so set on lying to me about this…this condition!"

"I told you I'm fine!"

"But you lied to me! You lied about all of this, if we had just come here in the first place, then none of-none of that _nonsense_ would have happened!"

Kai visibly stiffened, and Tala wished he could have forced the words back into his mouth as they stood by the road cars rushing past them, the low rumbling motors vibrating through the tarmaced surface beneath their feet. "I don't want to talk about it now," Kai said in icy detached tones, his slanted lavender eyes giving his expression a curiously amorous quality as he looked straight ahead. The stippled light glancing off his smooth complexion and lingering for a moment on the generous curve of his lips, "I told you, I would never come back here." His voice was low and dangerous as he turned his head away from Tala, moving his hands into the pockets of his black cargos.

"I made a promise that I would never go back to Japan-after…" he paused and Tala becoming uncomfortable with the look on his face, felt guilt writhe uncontrollably in his stomach.

"Let's just get this over with then." Tala finished, gripping Kai by the base of the arm, his grasp firm and reassuring, "Just don't lie to me again."

The lavender eyed youth turned slowly away and wondered why it was recently that his heart had become so very heavy.

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Neh- and?

Murray: If sense was to give anyone a recommendation, it would never in a million years be you.

Me:cries: I knew you'd say something like that!

Murray: I speak nothing but the truth-you need to sleep at night, stop thinking about senseless ideas with no plot!

Me:snivel: but I doooo want a plot here somewhere, there is one!

Murray: Can't see one.

Me: That's because you have no eyes, you can't see.

Murray: I can to!

Me: Can not!

Murray: Can!

Me: Okay how then?

Murray: How can you walk around without a brain, something's no one can answer.

Me:….I don't get that…

Murray: _Exactly!_

_Oh, Anyho- feel free to review- mess or not a mess I can't decide, I'm tired and confused over Fruits Basket and I want to eat a red bean bun…hungry…writing has gone down the plughole or what?_

_:goes off to bed:_


	3. Tolerance Limit

Insomnia

By The Eternity Dragon

Disclaimer: …..o..0;

Chapter 3

**Tolerance Limit**

Hello again! Thank you for reading my fic Insomnia, I will, once again, try to promise you a good read- I can't guarantee it though…but I'll try.

In this chapter….it's more Kai's perspective, I did play around with numerous drafts of doing it more from Tala's point of view…in 3rd person, what can I say, I totally love Tala now…I can make him as grouchy as I want:giggles: But this version made it to the final draft, partly because it's more succinct, it gets right to the point with a bit of detail, and also helps to clue you onto a bit more about Kai, apart from that snippet from the last chapter he hasn't been in it so far- and now about future updates I'm going back to school next week and I'm doing my A levels, but on the other hand I want to keep writing, because frankly I'm enjoying doing it again, (yey!), so weekends will probably be the prior time for updates after this, so look out forlate night posts- okay on with the Tyson and Kai goodness!

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_"Shit!"_ Tala snarled, his voice echoing off the cavernous walls of the enormous reception room, several people turned and stared at the red head youth leaning across the counter top with the cold wolfish grey eyes.

"What do you mean they aren't available right now? Damn it we have an appointment for _today_, not tomorrow or next week!"

The receptionist raised one carefully pencilled eyebrow and drummed her red manicured nails of the marble countertop, watching as the flat monitor of her desktop computer ran through file after file shifting through copious amounts of names and times.

"I'm sorry but currently they are unavailable, you'll have to wait." She picked up a phone and began to dial in a number; Tala however wrenched the receiver out of her hand, "We're not waiting," he snarled softly, his voice low and dangerous.

She glared at him, eyes narrowed, "The person you need to speak to should be here, unfortunately it seems that they aren't. So I suggest you _sit down_ and wait for me to locate them."

They had a brief, but furious wrestling match over the phone (all eyes in the room were now fixed solidly on them) which the receptionist won and pointed sternly to the leather seats by the wide double windows that over looked the massive domed structure of the blitz stadiums. There was somebody already sitting on one of the arm chairs, someone with slanted lavender eyes, dark hair and a highly sculpted face with suggestive lips.

"I'm afraid there's a bit of a delay." Tala mumbled dejectedly, slumping into the chair next to him, not daring to look Kai in the face. Hiwatari said nothing, his eyes, curiously romantic, amorous and yet distant at the same time had a flash of deep seated irritation in them that was amplified by the slight down curve of the perfect mouth.

"So I heard." His voice was slightly clipped, and faintly strained; Tala mentally winced, stood up and began pacing in circles across the marble floor.

"Jeez," he muttered, glaring at people at intervals as they traversed the expanse of the room to get to the elevators. Most of the employees in the complex were lab assistants, dressed in unanimous uniforms, all stiff looking, with hair scraped back holding clip boards and ball point pens in their hands. A group of these passed nearby with the words 'Legacy' and 'BBA' printed in bold letters across their backs.

"You'd think a company as high strung as Legacy would be able to keep one appointment on time wouldn't you. It's not like we're asking them to cure cancer or anything- and you'd think since it's _you_ we're booking for they'd at least jump to your attention."

He sent a scathing look across to the red manicured receptionist, "Last time I checked it was your grandfather who footed the bills for the donations here."

Kai stiffened, his eyes flickering momentarily up at Tala, a slight snarl curling its way across his upper lip, "I told you, there's nothing wrong with me- just skip the appointment, I wouldn't want to _inconvenience_ them." The words that rolled off his tongue were laced with sarcasm and a poorly concealed anger, they lingered in the air for a moment before dissipating, leaving an uncomfortable silence.

Tala's eyes grew very cold, "Don't-you-even-start!" he snarled suddenly, abruptly coming to a halt mid prowl, "We didn't come here for the hell of it damn it! Here at least they can tell us what's wrong and we'll be able to deal with it."

Kai's eyes narrowed and his mouth became compressed, his hands clenched slightly and he raised his chin stubbornly, "We?" he questioned sardonically, "I was under the impression it was my problem, I'll be the one dealing with this, not you."

His words were like acid, burning their way across the roof of his mouth and down his throat. Why was he so damned angry? Tala was right he needed to be here, he needed to see these people, why was he so determined on running away again?

There was a pause, and then the tall red head came stalking forwards, knuckles white as he slammed them down hard on the arms of the chair, his eyes scintillating anger as he hissed in murderous undertones: "Don't you give me that shit, I don't want to hear it, I don't have time for it. I'm sick of you and your lying, I'm sick of you keeping secrets, I'm sick of you hiding things from me. Jesus Christ you have one _hell_ of an attitude problem! Has anyone ever told you that? The number of time's I could have walked out on you and I didn't, **_I stuck by you_**, and do you know why?"

Kai didn't answer; he folded his arms and looked at Tala from the depths of his lavender irises, he really didn't want to hear the end of this, partly because he knew Tala was once again correct, and partly because he didn't want to admit that.

"Because asshole I'm your friend, and I'm not going to let you 'deal' with this alone because I know you won't-"

Kai opened his mouth to say something but Tala ploughed on his eyes sparkling with emotion, "You never do Kai, you never did! You lie in the foetal position on let these things eat at you. I'm not gonna let that happen, ever again, so get used to the idea of me holding your hand when the scary needle goes in because whatever it takes to stop this 'condition' you're gonna do. Got it?"

"I'm not afraid of needles," Kai retorted coolly as Tala let go of the arm rests breathing heavily through his nose, "You're the one who's afraid of needles, not me."

"I was speaking hypothetically," replied the red haired youth curtly resuming his rotating prowl, his eyes fixed on the rather annoyed looking receptionist with the perfectly pencilled eyebrows who seemed to be yelling down the phone at someone.

"Damn it, who the hell is holding everyone up?"

Tala stalked away to the desk, and stood with his hands on his hips, strategically positioned in absolutely everyone's way.

Kai felt the beginnings of a smile tug at the corners of his lips as he turned his head to look out of the window, Tala really had a gift when it came to sticking by people, he was impossible to remove; he'd followed Kai for almost three years now after their accidental meeting in Russia one memorable night. He had been ready to obliterate the past and the future and Tala had been full of questions how to free it. In truth, combined they were rather like oil and water, they didn't mix. Tala was frank, up front and personal with most of his feelings, when he was pissed off he let you and everyone in a three mile radius know. Kai on the other had had learned long ago to repress outward emotions, his face at the best of times was impassive and unfathomable, it was his eyes that gave away what he was really thinking.

He drummed his fingers impatiently across the arm of the chair, in all legitimacy he didn't really mix with many things, research centres being one of them. His eyes followed a group of white coats as they moved towards the elevator, the sight triggered a reaction somewhere deep in his subconscious. Bubbles of memories broke on the thin membrane of his conscious before settling back down into nothingness once again. Suddenly, as though a dam had been let loose, the flood gates opened into a surging, pounding wave of recollections. Flashes of thoughts intermingling into his mind, sounds, feelings, smells becoming incoherent in multicoloured flash of light- existence itself seemed to slow into a pulsing heart beat causing his head to swim in a thick soup of random thought, as suppressed images and half groping fingers attached to dark malignant limbs ran rampant through his mind.

Kai put his head between his knees and felt himself wretch uncontrollably for a minute or so, breaking into a cold sweat, his right arm throbbing dully in its socket as all the nerves in his shoulder seemed to blaze in a cold fire.

Limbs shaking, he sat up, palms sweaty and his skin damp, dark strands of hair clung to his forehead as he tilted his head back exposing the creamy skin of his neck.

Kai stood, and the world became a mixture of colourful explosions before his eyes, he grit his teeth, blinked his eyes as everything slid achingly slowly back into focus.

"Holy Mary Mother of God!" Tala's voice was coming from somewhere near the receptionist area, "Can't you guy's do _anything_ right?"

Kai ignored it the pumping nausea in his gut as he scanned the room for windows, air, his mind screamed, air I need air. The massive domed complex with its black marble walls had no apparent usable windows, only wide double glazed ones that didn't seem to open. He moved then across the floor towards the elevator, conscious of the eyes on the back of his head, and the whispers of the female employees as they fluttered their clip boards before their faces as he passed and exchanged giggling whispers with their female companions.

The door of the elevator slid shut behind him as he leaned against the curved metal wall, feeling the throb of the cool solid seep into his back. He punched a button on the glowing panel and the contraption shuddered and moaned moving up the narrow shaft like a giant caterpillar.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Kai muttered furiously with his eyes closed as the doors slid cleanly open again on a dark deserted corridor. He stepped out and heard the swish of the metal close fast behind him.

His mind was solidly fixed on one thing only as he moved down the hallway, the slatted light falling from the long thin ceiling lamps above his head as he jammed his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans.

What was he thinking? He wasn't thinking was closer to the truth, an instinctive reaction had forced him out of the reception area, some powerful controlling memory had triggered the primal urge of retreat and escape, a part of him that seemed to be closing in on all sides of this dark domed building.

His feet moved him steadily forwards one pace at a time whilst the dull throbbing in his arm subsided a little. The solitary footsteps echoed through the empty space, the slap and the scuffle of rubber on hard cold stone. Bouncing from the curved walls and flying up through the ceiling, above the guttering lights.

All doors in this section had 'Staff members only' written in bold font against the enamelled wood, mirrored observation windows showing empty darkened rooms lined the corridor on all sides.

A monotonous pain pressed lightly against Kai's temples as the feeling of claustrophobia returned magnified by the domed rounded structure of the walls, his pace quickened a little as the corridor spiralled in on itself, rounded and then widened into a double door stretching onto a balcony. The dark haired youth paused, his hand hovering above the brass oval handle, pulse drumming in his ears- something held him back for a moment. A small voice inside his head that spoke softly and spitefully in his ear with tingling tangent words, 'You broke your promise in coming back here,' it said, his long fingers brushing the coolness of the metal, 'and now I'll make you pay.'

Kai frowned and shook his head trying to wrestle the voice from his mind, it wasn't his fault damn it, he was leaving_, he was leaving_. He should never have let Tala bully him into this when he was in hospital. Then after a long internal struggle, common sense finally broke through, stifling the knife-like words and his hands gripped the handle firmly and pushed the doors wide open.

The balcony was high railed, laid with concrete with a few potted plants with long trailing creepers dotted at intervals in corners beneath the rail. The railing itself was broad enough to sit on, wrought iron bent into an intricate swirling patterns that curled about themselves, weaving in and out of ovals and loops.

Kai leant his entire torso directly over the rail and looked down at the sheer drop without a stirring of panic in his stomach. The balcony overhung the massive domed complex of the Blitz stadium. The sun's rays hit the roof and arched off into a spectrum of different directions. The intricate passage ways, arenas and connecting hallways were all visible through the dark tinted glass of the walls.

Kai placed his elbows on the ledge and felt himself exhale slowly, his right hand searching in his pocket for a cigarette and then fumbling for his lighter. Tala would kill him for doing this later but right now he didn't really give a damn. The nausea in his stomach subsided as he rolled the butt of the cigarette between his teeth, he flicked the lid of the lighter open in one deft swift movement and the flame illuminated his face as it flickered on the breeze of the wind.

He was older now, dressed in his habitual black, a dark leather jacket, black polar neck jumper, dark parachutes and black and white Nike trainers.

Over the years the shape of his face had become more pronounced, enlightening the high cheek bones with the beautiful drawing eyes and the inviting mouth, the smooth creamy skin devoid as it had been for sometime of the rebellious face paint, his left ear however showed two piercings as if in compensation for this.

There had always been a very romantic air about Kai Hiwatari, an invisible quality, some magnetic attraction that turned the eyes and heads of both male and female. He had always drawn the gazes of passers by as he walked down the street, his whole body moving gracefully, like a dancer, with the broad shoulders and the slender athletic frame, but now the eyes would linger for a longer, the memory imprinted like a burning photo into the minds eye. Some ghostly ethereal quality that seemed to move with him, like a spectre wooing you closer, guiding you in with golden gentle claws, ensnaring you, possessing you to the point of obsession with his face, his lips, his ardent eyes.

The lighter sputtered and wavered in his hand as the flame sprang up licking the base of the cigarette; he cupped his hands to protect the light, his eyes half closed as he took the first drag feeling the smoke curling its way down his throat, coursing through his lungs. He wished at times like these he had never been born, that he had never existed, that he had never known being, he watched the glowing embers of the flame smoulder in the half shadow of the balcony.

There was a muffled movement by the doors and Kai looked up, the lighter tumbled from his hands and skittered across the floor as an icy numbness coursed through his body as he saw the person standing there, and then he knew.

'Ah-hah,' the little voice in his mind said, as he felt every muscle in his body instinctively stiffen into acute defence, his evocative mouth becoming compressed, his lavender eyes becoming hard and his hands clenching ever so slightly into fists.

'I told you you would pay…. didn't I?'

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Tala: _Jesus!_

Me: What?

Tala: _Jesus Christ_, why am I swearing so much?

Me: o..0; because you do, it's part of the more…endearing personality I've decided to give you.

Tala: I'm _not_ endearing. That makes me sound cute.

Me: But you are, really, I have so much fun making you run through hoops!

Tala:death glare: I demand a different role!

Me:looks at list of roles: I'm afraid they're all taken unless you want the part of the dancing bear in chapter 9…

Tala: I'm not even going to ask…..

Murray: Hey! Excuse me, official muse here:clears voice importantly: I think you ought to apologise for the ending.

Me:Sweatdrops: Hahah- it's a cliff hanger of sorts is it not? Neh- it's about time I had one, I did mean to tell you who it was in the corridor this chapter, but I decided this ending was better, other wise it got a little…messy.

Murray: Do not deny you like being evil.

Me:grins:

Yes, so, I'm sorry if this one was a bit boring…and again, am I raising too many questions? ;….; you're reviews all mean so much to me, thank you! I want to reply to all of them really I do but they don't let you on this website- anyway, feel free to email me with _constructive _criticisms, how you think the story's coming, characterisation- descriptions….do you like my descriptions? Or do I use them too much? I'll answer some questions too, (but no spoilers ;P) and I might at some point need a beta, I've got too many drafts I like, and I have such a hard time choosing the final one.

Until then, and again thank you!

Love The Eternity Dragon and Murray

p.s if I get a flame in an email I'm not gonna bother to respond, it's not really worth my time to reply, just so you know, I don't wage war, but I don't tolerate it either.


	4. The Wings of a butterfly

Insomnia

By The Eternity Dragon

Disclaimer: …..o..0;

Chapter four

The Wings of a butterfly

Tyson watched as the lighter skittered across the marble tiles coming to a slow halt before his feet, his deep blue eyes rested on it for a moment, the blood pumping hard in his ears as he breathed slowly, he felt as though he were choking on something wholly invisible, his brain seemed to have temporarily lost all focus on reality, his pulse jumped erratically in his body and his chest seemed to constrict in pain. He felt the pectoral muscles in his abdomen tighten in rigid formality as he bent down and picked up the lighter with shaking hands. The glass was cool against his skin, he didn't dare take his eyes from it as he stood slowly up, feeling a trickle of hair drift before his eyes. 'He smokes now.' was all his mind seemed able to register, he licked his lips and said his voice slightly hoarse in the chill of the afternoon air.

"You know smoking a pretty bad habit."

How lame, how utterly unfunny, his stomach seemed to twist and knot over itself as soon as the words left his lips. He cursed tongue, his gauche manner, his way of talking, his blithe, naïve expressions, everything that made him feel incompetent.

"I hear it's potentially fatal." Kai said, his voice low and sultry, Tyson couldn't help it, he looked up, and for a fraction of a second their eyes met, deep vivid oceans of turbulent lavender half closed beneath thick smoky lashes looked back at him, his heart jumped to his throat and he felt suddenly afraid of the feelings that were stirring in his gut. Broad shouldered and slender, sculpted face, slanted quixotic eyes moulded onto skin that could have been made from molten marble. His vision moved for a fraction of a second to the generous mouth, burgundy coloured and twisted into an unfathomable expression, Tyson felt his heart skip slightly in his chest as he hastily looked away feeling scarlet swim across his cheeks.

"Then why are you smoking?" he asked breaking the smothering stillness that seemed to stretch into an endless ravine before them.

"Perhaps I want to die."

"Kai!"

The name tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop it, his stomach convulsed, his heart seemed to stop, Hiwatari looked at him, the corners of his lips curling down into a sadistic malicious expression and his eyes glittering dangerously as he leaned back against the stone railings, elbows at and angle, legs bent slightly at the knees, head tilted in an assessing stare.

"Why are you here?" he asked, his eyes narrowed slightly, expression curling sarcastically.

'He's mocking me,' Tyson thought subconsciously moving away, 'he's laughing at me again.'

"I-I," he began, the words sticking in his throat, hating his incompetence even more, the lips convulsed into a sneer, "We were- Hiro-Max, Kenny and Hillary- we all….I was- I mean…."

"God you are _stupid_ aren't you?"

He said it so pleasantly, leaning back on his hands, beautiful and angelic in the falling light, his hair dark and light at the same time, his eyes still narrowed and his alluring mouth moving into a smile that seemed to send thousands of shards of ice through Tyson's heart.

"I-…" he stopped his voice trailing away, something began to form in the back of his throat, hard and solid, jagging painfully against his flesh as he swallowed.

"I mean _really_," Hiwatari continued, "that's all I asked you, and you can't even answer it. I knew you were an idiot but I didn't suspect you were _this_ moronic."

Kai laughed, little stabbing knifes seemed to slice through the air, embedding their sharp metallic points into the soft tissue of the other's skin.

'There are so many things I wanted to ask you, so many things I wanted to say.' Tyson Granger looked up, his deep blue eyes dancing with passion, cold fire seemed to be winding itself throughout his entire body, 'It was a mistake,' he thought savagely, as he bit down so hard on his lower lip he tore the flesh and felt warm blood spurt across his pallet.

He turned then and ran down the darkened corridor, back the way he had come, thumping blindly down criss-crossing passage ways, wanting to die, hating everything, cursing his existence.

"Hey!" someone shouted, a tall woman with long blonde hair and bright eyes as he shouldered past her, reckless in his despair and rage. Five minutes later he stood alone in the massive concrete parking lot breathing heavily, spitting out the blood that lay congealing in his mouth, eyes sparkling savagely as he hurled the lighter against the ground with all his might. Watching as hit and shattered on the black tarmac, his eyes roving across the broken remains the fractured pieces as it lay glistening in the sunshine.

Who was he kidding really? He had known all along right? Kai hated him, he always had done, he always would do, and he had just been kidding himself. Forcing himself to believe that something had changed between them. Because his feelings for Kai had changed over that period of time- but only he felt it. His finger tips brushed his mouth and he felt the salt on his skin tingle sharply on the exposed flesh of his inner lip. But then…what had that meant?

The world seemed to swim and slide before his eyes, he doubled over and threw up violently on the grey concrete slabs beneath his feet.

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"Shit," swore Tala as he watched them go. He had been thinking the same thing over and over and over again for the past few minutes ever since he had seen them stepping out of the elevator, laughing and talking with each other.

It was unreal, absolutely totally bloody implausible, why the hell were they here today of all days?

It had been the brown haired girl, the one with the volatile temper who had spotted him first, her name still escape him, but he remembered the cold chill of horrified realisation that had oozed down his spine as he had seen them coming.

His thoughts had fled to Kai, but spinning round he had found that his lavender eyed companion had slipped off when he hadn't been watching, at first he had felt relieved, but then he had realised that the world champion had not been in the group either.

"He's wondered off somewhere," the blonde haired one with the cornflower blue eyes had said with his hands behind his head when Tala had demanded to know where Tyson had gone, "I think he went to look for something to eat."

"Shit!" Tala snarled loudly coming to a halt in the middle of the reception area and looking about him with a frenzied canine expression on his face, "Kai where the hell are you?"

If he's bumped into Tyson he thought, that would be enough to set him off, to disorientate him, he felt a knot of worry settle in the pit of his gut and swallowed loudly. What if he had seen Granger, what then? Kai had never really told him what had passed between them three years ago; the probing questions he had asked so often always gave him little to no answers. It was like a maze of towering walls, twisting passage ways and dead ends, every time you made a turning you ended back were you were before, lost, completely lost.

He did remember one thing Kai had told him once, it had been a cold night and some how he had managed to loosen Hiwatari's tongue a little by giving him some alcohol. It had been one of the rare times Tala had ever seen his friend truly laugh, head back, eyes tilted in humour, a slow smile on his lips revealing a secret dimple in his left cheek. Tala had been mesmerised by this persona of Kai, still graceful and utterly unfathomable, hair ruffled slightly and skin lightly flushed. There had been feelings there, mixed with the alcohol and cold air that he didn't really care to analyse too closely, dangerous emotions that spiked on something absolutely crazy. Kai had seemed human that night, vulnerable and compassionate, for that one night the cold visage had been discarded, Tala had had the feeling that although his friend's mind had been left rational it had been left without its defences. The thought of starting something had crossed his mind at several different intervals as the hours progressed, he blamed it on the fermented drink he was allowing to course through his veins, addling his senses and needs.

"I hate the cold," Kai had said, shoulder to shoulder with Tala before the open fire, empty beer cartons littering the floor all around them. The firelight flickered around them casting long shadows on the wall and floor, shifting shapes that undulated and tapered into guttering darkness.

"Well then I guess you shouldn't have come here then." he had replied and to his surprise Kai laughed.

"It was stupid wasn't it? But I'm glad I did come here, otherwise I would be alone right now."

Tala had felt an odd feeling twist and turn in his gut, writhing down his lower abdomen and shooting through his legs.

"Why did you come here then?" he had asked and had been alarmed by the huskiness of his own voice, his toes curled inside his shoes as Kai leant a little more of his body weight against his shoulder.

"Because," he said, more to himself then to anyone else, "I knew he wouldn't come here to find me."

Tala had frowned not understanding who he meant, he looked at Kai, and saw the half closed distant expression that had drifted across his face, and suddenly he felt very bitter.

"He was always finding me when I didn't want to be found. I would go some place, and even if I was in a crowd full of people he'd always find me, looking like he did, smiling like it was the greatest thing in the world." His eyes were almost closed and a gentle, tender smile on his lips.

"I always wondered why he was so happy to see me again…such an idiot-" he laughed softly, Tala had watched him saying these feeling the words slip through his own mind like honeyed poison, acid eroding through his veins, bringing with it an acute rushing pain, like hell fire.

"I didn't realise what it was until it was too late."

Kai had turned and looked at him then, "I'm not making much sense am I?" he had asked, Tala hadn't trusted himself to speak then, the moment was to unnaturally relaxed and tense at the same time.

He remembered thinking that Kai's mouth was only a few inches away from him, it would have been very easy, painfully easy, to have leant over and brushed his own lips against Kai's, and he was sure that his friend in his present mood wouldn't have stopped him either. He had wondered- no, he had fantasised about doing that for sometime after he and Kai had met up again, this was a perfect opportunity to do just that, and it would be as terribly easy. But he couldn't, _he couldn't,_ that expression, that look of tenderness that had burnt its way across his mind prevented him from doing so, he had realised then that despite whatever he might have wanted, this relationship, this mucked up, warped, twisted companionship he and Kai had was as far as he was ever going to be able to go. No matter how much it hurt him, no matter how much it pained him when…no matter how much it ached.

When he smiles, Tala had thought, lifting the carton to his lips and letting the sweet tangy liquid swirl down his throat in an exotic dance of tantalisation and raw feeling, he's not smiling for me, he's smiling for that 'other' person. So no matter how much I want to see that smile again, the can slipped from his numb fingers and clattered across the floor, spinning in circles before the fire, completely empty, coming to a halt with its mouth facing them.

_No matter how much I wish him to smile again…_

"Tala," Hiwatari had said, leaning back, cheeks lightly flushed and mouth gently parted as his eyes closed slowly, long lashes fluttering over his cheeks.

"Do you believe in Destiny?"

The red head had considered the question for a long time, his heart throbbing painfully in his chest, as though something was constricting his blood flow, he kept his eyes fixed on the flickering flames as they leapt in the grate, passionate crimsons intermingling with the licking reds and yellows of heat.

"No, I don't believe fate is pre-ordained, people make their own future, it isn't decided you know."

_When you do smile…I always know…_

His suggestive lips curved a little at the corners again, and this time Tala had felt himself look forcefully away, hands clenching and unclenching by his sides.

"I knew you'd say that."

"Then why ask?" Could Kai read him that well? Did he know what he was thinking now?

"Because," he shrugged his broad shoulders and tilted his head, looking quixotically at Tala with his iridescent pupils, "I used to think that too, until…" his voice trailed off.

"Until?"

He smiled that slow smile again and looked at the bottle in his hands, "Until someone showed me there might have been a reason for my derisory existence."

Tala had felt the all too familiar feeling burning inside his gut at those words, and viciously bit down on his lower lip as he asked, his voice hoarse.

"Who showed you that?"

Kai had looked at him then, with a slightly archful expression, his eyes sparkling in the wavering light as the soft shades of luminescence played across his skin.

"I haven't consumed nearly enough alcohol to tell you that, Tala." At which point he had placed the rim of the bottle against his lips still smiling that slow smile, but with an expression on his face that his red haired friend had found unfathomable, it had been a searching look, one that had spoken of dark words and dark intentions, and one that had in fact invited the notion of death.

_That you are looking through me for someone else…and that that smile is never for me._

"Oh for God damn sakes you annoying bastard!" Tala suddenly exclaimed venomously, shouldering his way across the reception area and jostling people about as he forced his way into the wide glass elevator. An old lady holding a large black shiny handbag made a "Hrrum," noise of disapproval, Tala turned round hand on his hips, "You got something to say?" he snarled glaring at her.

This, was really the last thing he needed he decided as he began to make his way up floor by floor, scouring rooms and harassing white coats for information.

It was only when he was starting to lose all hope of ever finding Hiwatari that he spotted her, long blonde hair and startling gooseberry green eyes that seemed to threaten to break you to a thousand pieces in the depths of the bottomless irises. She moved like a dancer, slender and feminine, the gently 'clip' of her heels on the stone floor echoing across the corridor as she made her way towards him.

"Tala," she said, in a sonorous tone just like he remembered, "You've certainly grown taller, and you're quite handsome now I must say."

Tala had instinctively taken a step back, his skin prickling in goose flesh, eyes narrowed he snarled, "Justine, what the _hell_ are you doing here?"

She pouted, hands on hips, scolding him like a naughty child, "Well what do you think? You're the one who made the appointment after all."

"You're the one they referred us to?" he couldn't believe it; one god damned coincidence after another, like a snowflake that sets off an avalanche, or the wings of a butterfly that sets off a tornado. This was something Kai didn't need to be reminded of, _ever _again.

"Where is Kai?" Tala demanded, damn this was all his stupid fault, if had know he would never had brought his friend here.

The sensuous lips parted into a illusory smile, "I found him on the balcony."

"And?"

"And?..." Tala felt all the familiar feelings of hostility, fear and trepidation that he always associated with Justine Moore.

She laughed, and again he felt dread ooze slowly down his spine, "And I told him about Insomnia."

**_Shit_**- was Tala's only thought.

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Quickie chapter, first draft of sorts so sorry if there are mistakes, busy busy busy! And thank you for the reviews and support etc…hope you like this chapter..ahaha- Kai and Tala-ness or rather Tala-I like Kai :sob: but he doesn't like me! Mwhaaa! Kai and Tyson 4eva! XD

Love the Eternity Dragon and Murray


	5. Concrete of Futility

Insomnia

By The Eternity Dragon

Disclaimer: …..o..0;

Chapter five

Concrete of Futility

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"Don't you think you're a bit passive aggressive Tyson?" Hillary asked in a matter of fact way, eyeing her blue haired friend surreptitiously from the corner of her vision.

"Passive aggressive?" Max and Kenny said in bemused astonishment, "Tyson?" Daichi said loudly, looking at Hillary as though she was a crazy person holding a gun, "What are you kidding?"

Hillary gave one of her long suffering looks and went back to finely chopping up the cucumber, the metal blade slicing aggressively through the crisp flesh and landing on the wooden surface with a muffled 'G-thunk'.

"Well," she said huffily sticking her nose haughtily in the air, "I think you're passive aggressive at least."

"Hillary," Tyson answered, taking his baseball cap from his head and chucking it dispassionately on the floor of the dojo, "compared with you, every things passive aggressive."

The boys snickered and the brown haired girl wheeled round, knife clutched menacingly in one hand as she advanced forebodingly forwards, "Don't you start that with me!" she snapped, cheeks flushing crimson, "You've just been unusually…motivated recently that's all, I'm worried perhaps you're suppressing something you shouldn't be."

"Wait, let me get this straight Hill," Tyson's mouth was curling up gently at the corners, "you're telling me off for working now? Is that right?"

"That's not what I mean at all!"

She made an exasperated sound and turned back to the cucumber, hacking viciously at it with the knife, until a mangled mess of serrated vegetable slid gloopily onto a blue and white china plate.

"Eww," said Daichi, "I'm not eating that."

"Shut up!" Hillary snapped, whisking the mulch into the rest of the food before the others could see it properly, "You'll eat it whether you like it or not….and you _better_ like it!"

"I always wonder how it is all of her cooking always ends up tasting the same." The world champion remarked pulling a large dish from one of the side cupboards and helping Max and Kenny set the table whilst Daichi danced around the kitchen making noises such as "That looks gross!" or "I'm hungry!" and "Can we eat now?"

By the time the food was actually set on the table and they had sat down to eat Hillary had worked herself up into a state of what Tyson and Max liked to call 'abnormal paranoia' and was snapping at people for breathing too loudly, or for not eating fast enough or even eating too slowly.

"Do you think they'd ever make mustard flavoured ice cream?" Max asked after they had all eaten, all sitting around the table as much water as possible drinking water (apart from Hillary who seemed to be immune from her own cooking and did not find it the least too spicy whatsoever that _you very much!_).

This statement was followed by a universal "Yuck!" to which the cornflower blue eyed boy laughed and said "Why the hell not? You never know until you've tried it."

"No thank you," replied Kenny, readjusting his glasses on his brown nestle of hair, "that's one experience I'd rather not have."

"Tyson," Hillary said, looking at the champion, how was pushing the last of his serrated mulch around him plate with a rather detached expression surfacing in the depths of his dark blue eyes, "are there any experience you wish you'd rather not have?"

Tyson looked up and raised both of his brows, "I'm sorry Hill," he said quietly, "I wasn't listening, what did you say?"

Hillary's mouth became so compressed it almost disappeared and she flared her nostrils, whisking the china away from her blue haired friend and stomping off noisily into the kitchen where the others could hear her exclaiming things like, "Stupid idiot!" and "Complete moron!" and even a few, "Why me?".

"What's wrong with her?" asked Max, blinking his cornflower blue eyes and looking amused and alarmed at the same time.

"That time of the month again?"

"With her," Tyson muttered getting up to fetch his baseball cap, "it's always that time of the month."

"I heard that!" snarled Hillary, clumping in from the kitchen; sleeves rolled up past her elbows, skin spattered with sloppy soap suds.

"Do you have a fight with the dishwasher and lose?" Daichi asked cheekily as Hillary made a lunge for him and found herself restrained by all three of, Max, Tyson and Kenny, whilst the diminutive red head skittered outside jumping around singing at the top of his voice, "And I didn't like the food either!"

"Someday," she snarled, grabbing Tyson by the wrist and shooing the others outside into the courtyard with such a fiercely wolfish expression she looked liable to sprout fangs if they didn't immediately comply.

"I'm going to make that kid pay." She chuckled sinisterly to herself and thrust the washing up towel ferociously into Tyson's face.

The youth looked at her with a mixture of alarm and disorientation, intermingling by the dark descent of his brows over his eyes.

"My god something really is wrong with you." He muttered; taking a plate gingerly from her and tentatively began to dry it.

"No, not like that, jeez you can't even do this properly _can_ you!" she grabbed the china away from him and began to feverantly scrub it in a demonstration of how drying should be done 'properly'.

Tyson leant against the wooden counter top watching her for a moment, thick dark lashes descending over indigo irises; a pained expression twisting its way across his good natured mouth.

"Do you think I'm moronic Hillary?" he asked trying to sound casual, turning his head to look out of the kitchen window so as not to catch her eye.

She'd slowed down her feverish drying he noticed, and looked at him with soft penetrating brown eyes, her mouth softening slightly at the corners.

"He said that to you didn't he?"

For a moment Tyson felt his heart beat erratically in his chest, and a familiar feeling of hot denial pour slowly down his spine, he checked his face, kept it composed and then turned and said, "Who said what?"

Hillary set the drying cloth down, opened up one of the numerous cupboards and placed put away the china with a gentle 'chink-el' onto the wooden surface.

"He said it," she repeated quietly, she had her back turned to him he noticed, her shoulder where hunched slightly and her lower back was abnormally ridged.

"You saw him at that godforsaken place, and he said that to you."

He watched as she shook her head, back still facing him, and wondered at the tight, aggravated expression that was now winding its way about her face.

"That **asshole**." She said the last part so vehemently the syllables seemed to linger in her mouth casting an acidic unpleasant thick glutinous layer of poison over both of them.

"Hillary please!"

"Please what?"

"Just don't…it doesn't help."

She slammed both of her fists violently against the counter top, in a way that must have surely bruised the tender flesh of her palms but she didn't cry out in pain; her back was so rigid now it seemed to tremble from the agony of it's position.

"How can you stand there, looking like that-saying things like that?" she asked softly, her voice cynically incredulous, "How can you defend him after _everything _that he put you through?"

"I'm not-" he began, feeling the familiar sinking feeling of acute sickness plummeting like a stone through the bowels of his gut.

"Yes you are," she stressed the 's's like a snake, soft, low and sinuous.

"You _always _do Tyson, you _always, always, always _defend him, even when he's slapped you in the face and then laughed at you. You _always _stand up for him, you _always _find some excuse to forgive him or look at it in a different light."

"I'm not trying-" he began again, but there was no stopping her now, he felt his knuckles clench and unclench periodically by his sides as something seemed to pulse against his temple.

"What does it take?" she continued, acting as though he had never spoken,

"What can I say to make it clear to you? What can I do to make you stop thinking about that-…" she snarled softly beneath her breath, "That utter bastard."

"Hillary," Tyson wasn't too sure whether he was consoling himself or consoling her when he reached out and touched her gently on the shoulder, her muscles were so tense they felt solid beneath his fingers as she suddenly, in one fluid motion, span round and slapped him hard across his face.

There was a silence as a resounding 'Crack!' flushed through the air, Tyson could feel her finger marks burning their way into his skin, and he looked up at her, totally stunned at what she had just done. But only to find her looking down at her hands with a horrified expression, eyes brimming with tears that were slowly spooling down her cheeks, "You stupid, stupid jerk," the words were soft and quavering, catching in her throat as they slipped out of her trembling lips, "look what you made me do."

And then she began to cry, noiselessly, eyes scrunched up, tightly closed, palms pressed against her face, elbows tucked in tight against her body. It was weird- no, it was bizarre, how one moment she went from a towering tigress in a foaming rage, to a helpless young woman with a heart that over ruled her head.

"Hey, hey," Tyson said, feeling every bit as gauche and blundering as a bull in a china shop, as he put both arms around her and rubbed his nose against the brim of her head.

"It's okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"You stupid," she replied thickly, her mouth buried in the crook of his neck, "you stupid, stupid, stupid. Why are you apologising to me? What have you done wrong? It's him, it's him and his bloody enigma-oh God I wish- I wish you had never met him!"

Tyson didn't say anything at this, he stood there gently rocking her back and forth, wondering how many times in the past month he had wished that exact thing over and over and over again.

The sunlight came streaming in through the widow, casting a spooled light of illumination on the flagstone floor, dancing amongst the pots and pans and creating rainbows in the soap suds.

"But I did meet him Hillary- but I don't care anymore, I swear to you I don't. I couldn't care less for Kai Hiwatari, to me, he's just another person converting oxygen to carbon dioxide."

She pushed away from him at this, dark brown chocolate eyes fixing into deep bottomless Prussian irises, there was something in his expression she didn't recognise, some care free element that had resided in his face had vanished. His eyes were wide and honest, but eerily, dispassionate…devoid of light, something, no someone had stolen that from him she felt. His blithe expression, his smile, his radiance, it was gone, utterly, wholly, completely.

She found herself thinking again, like she had over the countless months, weeks and days after he had eventually owned up and told her, after the endless arguments, the prying, and the demanding to know, having to know, wanting to know to the point of obsession. She wanted him to smile again, like he used to, the carefree, happy Tyson of so many yesterdays ago.

"You were always a bad liar Tyson," she remarked, moving to the fridge and opening up the freezer draw, "and as I say, once a bad liar, always a bad liar." She extracted a bag a frozen peas and handed them to him, sliding open the cutlery drawer and fishing around for some spoons.

"What's this for?" Tyson asked looking at the peas with some distaste, they were _not _his favourite vegetable by far- even with Max's magic mustard solution.

"Your face," she replied rubbing her eyes and fishing an ice cream tub from the bottom draw.

"Uh-oh," the world champion remarked, holding the pea pack to his cheek, "Ben and Jerry's now I really know you think the world is going to fall in on itself."

"Don't be ridiculous," she snorted, handing him a spoon and pushing the brown hair from her eyes and marching into the dining room, "I'm just emotionally unstable that's all. That time of the month you know."

Tyson grinned at her retreating back and stuck the spoon in his mouth, "Story of your life," he muttered.

"I heard that." Hillary snapped back.

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"Tyson!" Hiro yelled up the stairs at the ungodly hour of 6:30 am in the morning, the blue eyed youth pulled the pillow further over his head and buried himself deep into the nether regions of his bed.

"Ty-y-y-yson I need to talk to you, get out of bed!"

"I'm sleeping!" came the muffled reply, he scrunched his eyes tightly closed and willed himself back to sleep, then he heard the clatter of footsteps outside his door, heard the handle click back and then someone stride across the room, grab him by the foot and jerk him out of bed.

He landed with a heavy thump on the top of his head, "Shit!" he exclaimed loudly, rubbing his scalp and blinking tears of pain from his eyes, "I'm not ten Hiro, you can't do that to me anymore."

His brother gave him an 'I'm-older-I'll-do-what-I-want' look, "It was either me, _or_ grandpa." he concluded coolly.

"Point taken," his little brother conceded, "I'll take you."

He stood up, the world spun and slid slowly out of focus again, "Christ!" he felt the heavy weight of his brothers hands push him back down onto the bed.

"You're really not a morning person are you?"

"Did you just come up here to point out my incurable weaknesses, or is there some logical point to all of this."

"Such as?"

Tyson sent him a 'piss-off' look that made Hiro throw back his head and laugh, the half light of dawn filtered in through the closed blinds casting shadows over both of their faces, long fingers of darkness traversing their way in the corners of the room, creeping over the bed clothes and the bed with malignant digits.

Somewhere the birds were singing the morning chorus, and the hum of automobiles sent vibrations through the concrete of the main road outside the dojo.

"Get dressed, go down stairs, there's something I think you'll want to hear."

He ruffled his hair a little and let himself out, Tyson sat on the edge of the bed a moment longer, eyes fixed on the slightly a-jar door, mouth turned into an unyielding expression of what one could perhaps describe as continuance. As in to wake up to yet another day that seemed utterly, intolerably pointless, monotony laid upon foundations of monotony, strung together with solid concrete of futility and packed together with the perspiration of denial of reality.

' "_God you are **stupid** aren't you?"_

_He said it so pleasantly, leaning back on his hands, beautiful and angelic in the falling light, his hair dark and light at the same time, his eyes still narrowed and his alluring mouth moving into a smile that seemed to send thousands of shards of ice through Tyson's heart._'

Isn't it enough to hear it once he thought, as the words rang through his mind, the image imprinting itself upon his brain, every morning, every night it came back to the same thing, the same words, the same feeling.

"Idiot," he muttered to himself, pressing his fingers ardently against his mouth, and then realised he was doing it again. His hands dropped like hot coals, heart racing, blood pumping in his ears.

_If there is something I could forget…_he thought standing up, his limbs seeming unable to hold him steady, _would I forget that?_

Numbly he lead himself out into the darkened corridor, "Hey, little dude, hurry up okay? We got breakfast all ready down here! So get your kester into gear and step it up a notch- you dig!"

"I dig!" Tyson called back, closing the bathroom door behind him, he turned on the shower, and slipped off his clothes as the hot vapour weaved through the air, condensing on the mirror, and slipping in clear, crystal globules of water down the silvered pane.

He gave a slight moan of tenderness as the hot water hit his skin, sending wave upon wave of neurons simultaneous messages of both pain and pleasure.

_The one thing that's keeping me sane, _he thought, _is_ _also driving me slowly mad._

He let the hot rivulets of water slide sensually over his mouth, and parted his lips slightly so the warmth could beat against the hot flesh of his tongue, and just remembered.

_That time when you kissed me Kai, and I told you I loved you, and then the very next day you laughed at me and told me love was nothing but pheromones and endorphins released by the brain to give us the delusion of love. You told me it wasn't real and you laughed at me again for believing you so easily, you told me that you never wanted to see me again. Kai-if you had never come back, maybe I would have- with time, forgotten about you, but now, that you're here, I don't- I can't stop thinking about you, and about…_

Tyson let his head rest against the glass panel and let the water gush down his back, winding its way down his legs and arms until it spiralled about his feet and plunged down into the drain.

Perhaps he was going insane he decided, his fingertips raked down the smooth surface, feeling the water drip from the tips of his digits, sensing with his skin rather then his eyes.

_I can't stop thinking about the fact you told me you loved me too._

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The tall red head youth sat in a dark chair in the lobby with a cell phone pressed against his ear, his eyes were reflective silvery grey, cold like ice as they flickered from the floor to the ceiling. A slightly savage expression was working its way across the corners of his mouth as he pressed the disconnect button on the mobile, watched as the luminescent glow cast unnatural shadows across his face and then stood for a moment in total darkness.

"If he ever forgives me for this," he muttered in a voice so low and inauspicious it could hardly be heard, "it will be a god damned f miracle."

He stalked across the dark marble floor and pushed open the adjacent door, a monitor beeped, and the constant pulse of the neural receiver sent rhythmic light flashes across the room.

A youth sat on the bed, dressed in a dark polar neck jumper and black cargo's, his tilted eyes inviting mouth pulled into a guarded façade, dark dual coloured hair attractively ruffled, the needle from a drip inserted into the vein of his left arm.

"Well?" he asked quietly, the red haired youth said nothing, but bit hard down on his bottom lip as he silently handed over he mobile.

There was a pause as the lavender eyed youth looked at it, his eyes narrowed for a second, he looked up sharply at his companion who offered no excuse but turned his head to the side in apparent distress.

The silence spiralled unbearably for a few moments, and then in one violent meticulous movement the lavender eyed youth sent the mobile hurtling across the room where it smashed into the silvered surface of a mirror. Tearing slabs of jagged pieces to the floor in a serrated mess of broken ends, a pool of broken silvered solid.

For a moment the youths face looked savage with anger as his eyes looked at the broken fragments, and compared them to his own, shattered, ruined and unreservedly worthless life.

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Okay- yeah, another update…I quite like this one I think oooh, Tala you dreadful person you said a very ghastly word.

Tala: It's censored- I feel let down by that, you're ruining my… "Bad boy" persona. I knew you couldn't pull it off.

Me: You think? I have a lot of problems with that word, I hardly ever ever ever ever…X 100,000,000 use it…ever. just so you know. ;)

Tala: You wuss.

Me:::blushes:

Anyway, this chapter at least has-what I think is TyKa content in it? Apparently this fic…does not have enough of it, which means – something along the lines of not having 'actual TyKa' content- which to be honest I'm rather bemused about.

(btw TyKa- don't you just love that shortening? XD Tyka, Tyka::sings it to the addictive teddy bear picnic song…you know what I'm talking about right? (; )

Tala:::eyetwitches: please stop…

Me: TyKa lalalala TyKa, TyKa dumdedum…

Tala:holds sign up for voluntary drinking arsenic:

Me: Hey!

Yes, so thank you for reading, and thank you for the review and everything else that makes me go squee! When I read your comments XD

Love the Eternity Dragon and Murray

p.s check out my devart account if you want to see some illustrations of this fic- hopefully I should be able to upload some onto my site soon.


	6. Cold Fire

Insomnia

By The Eternity Dragon

Disclaimer:…..XD

Chapter Six

Cold Fire

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"What do I do?"

That was the resounding question that had been troubling Tala for the past week, it was turning into a nagging obsession, he couldn't eat, sleep, or even breath without it churning around in his mind, gnawing away at his subconscious as he tried to busy himself with menial, pointless little tasks that in the end accomplished nothing. In the end what purpose did it serve? What thing had he accomplished? One might argue that these measures where necessary, that he had done the right thing in brining him here, back here, to these people- this place, that memory.

In essence, perhaps the question should have been turned to "What else could I do?"; it was absurd really, like an endless dance, he took two steps forward and Kai took two steps back and turned his head away, eyes closed in utter defiance and defeat. It pained him- no it killed him to see it like that, of course the current situation wasn't helping at all. Kai hated hospitals- he hated tests, he hated experiments, but most of all he hated cold dark corridors of stone with vaulted ceilings and tapering hallways with echo's of dark images that strayed across ones vision like the footsteps of long dead persons.

"Don't panic," he thought desperately, "just don't panic, it never did you any good, so just bloody well stop it."

It was no good of course, he was panicking, and he'd screwed up, badly this time, Kai had altogether stopped talking to-well anyone- and was now at the point of refusing food. Of course he was going crazy! What the hell did anyone expect from him! What the hell could he do that he hadn't already tried? So he had done the logical thing- well 'logical' of course is a debatably issue, he had done the thing he had thought to be 'logical'- what had made sense. Whether or not it was the **_'right' _**decision still remained to be seen, okay, perhaps the word **_'right' _**is too often used in everyday conversation, moral implications of this- these simple words can have catastrophic effects, what does **_'right' _**really mean? Just an expression of what Tala had thought was the **_'right' _**course of action, in that way was it debatable? No- it wasn't damn it, he had done the right thing this time. Regardless of the fact that Kai was glaring at him at him now with such open hostility that Tala was sure in a moment he would surely stride across the room and tear him limb from limb with his bare hands.

"You what?" came the deadly soft enquiry- Tala Valkov would have been a fool to have not caught those toxic stresses on the verbs, Kai was somewhere beyond angry at this point, he was livid with seething anger.

The red haired youth laughed nervously, "Well you see, Justine mentioned it to me, and I thought as you were spending a lot of time being anti-social, perhaps socialising might be a good alternative…" his voice trailed off, and he could feel the first painful prickles of sweat pierce his forehead under that penetrating lavender glare.

A quixotic twist of the lips and a slight narrowing of the eyes, limber and graceful and so damned furious, "What gave you the right?"

Tala raised his chin slightly, forcing himself not to break eye contact, "You know the reason why."

"Bullshit!"

Tala took a step back in surprise, never before had he heard Kai swear in his whole entire life, Hiwatari never showed an outward expression of emotion that anyone could identify as human, he was a living mask, totally unfathomable and untouchable.

Something in this 'predicament' had clearly wiggled its way beneath his friends skin, probing at the mask with long curious fingers, fighting for a way out, the fleeting look in his eyes, the slight twist of the lips, the curling of the fingers as they dug into the fabric of the sofa, the arched position of his back.

"I cannot see him again," came the hissing reply, "I simply cannot!"

"Why the hell not, what did you say to him?"

Tala watched the way that Kai bit down on his sensuous lower lip and scowled so venomously back at him he was sure his companion wished him dead.

"I can't remember."

"Shit, it was that bad?"

Kai shrugged his shoulders in a defensive manner and looked away from Tala in a peculiar display of vulnerability as he blinked hard, a quixotic expression winding its way sadistically over his lips.

"I totally blanked out," he admitted in little more then a whisper after a few moments of prolonged silence, he pressed his left thumb against his inviting bottom lip and bit down gently on the tip in a mixture of comfort and defeat.

"I just panicked, he was the last person I was expecting to see- and then out of nowhere…" he threw his hands up in the air and let his head fall onto the back of the sofa, palms splayed out flat over the sides, eyes half closed and mouth grim and unyielding, dark hair falling across his forehead.

"It's not your fault Kai; it's a perfectly understandable reaction to have taken-"

"Oh like hell it is!" Hiwatari retorted, "For whom? Someone who is emotionally retarded?"

Tala stood up suddenly furious, grey eyes scintillating cold anger as he responded in livid tones, "Stop talking about yourself like that for God damn sakes! You think it helps anything when you just give up like that?"

Kai sat up, a humourless smile twisting at his bottom lip, he felt literally sick with himself, it was one thing to know you have said something terrible to another person, but to have no recognition of what it was you said is even worse. The only thing he remembered about the conversation was the way Tyson had looked at him before turning to run as fast as he could away from him. That pained, earth shattering look that had hit Kai like an icy knife through his gut, slicing through layers and layers of skin, tissue and bleeding flesh to lodge itself, twisting in painful spirals penetrating deeper and deeper into his gut. His heart had been beating so fast, his head so dizzy, as he had felt so violently, interminably sick, wishing-wanting, praying, just for everything to stop so he wouldn't have to think about anything anymore. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair damn it, to anyone to feel things like this, to say things you don't remember and hate yourself for it afterwards. Hadn't he thought, a long time ago it seemed now, but obviously not long enough, that he would never allow himself to be caged up like a lab rat again? Like he had been at the Abbey? The situation was almost laughable, and he would have laughed, had he have had the energy to do so, stuck full of tubes and needles, whilst Justine Moore with her piercing eyes and long blonde hair took sample after sample, test after test, and then just looked at him and shook her head.

"Giving up," he said sliding down to lie on his back, bottomless, unfathomable lavender irises looking up into cold grey wastelands, on foot propped up against the arm whilst he let the other slide, hair messy and ruffled about his scalp as he reached into his pocket took out a cigarette and lit it, taking a long drag, allowing the smoke to curl gently from his lips.

"Tell me Tala, what exactly am I giving up on?"

"Don't ask stupid questions." His friend growled, walking as far away from him as the small expanse of the room would allow, "I hate it when you're like this- in fact I hate you being like this- why can't you just let me try and help you?"

Tala was slightly afraid of the half lazy, half loathing look that Kai was giving him now, his slanted, angular eyes faintly narrowed, and lips pursed gently around the smoking drug, curled into a slight snarl.

"You had no right to get him involved in this." Came the horrible, subdued reply, Kai doesn't need to shout to make people squirm, Tala thought, crossing his arms and wriggling uncomfortably in his trainers, he just lowers his voice and lets them have it with a few well chosen words- damn I wish I could do that.

"Frankly I didn't know what else to do."

Hiwatari's gaze was resolute as he looked piercingly at Tala Valkov, "If anything happens to Tyson because of this," came his acid reply in bitter undertones,

"He won't be-" Tala began but his companion continued as if no interruption had been made, "If he's hurt, or if this- this _thing_ really is transmittable, despite whatever you, or Justine says."

"Kai, Tyson can't-"

"I will **kill** you Tala."

The red haired youth stopped suddenly, and looked at his friend with hurt in his grey eyes, watching as he friend pulled the cigarette from his mouth and regarded the burning embers coolly, he had said it so simply, and yet, he had no doubt of the statements fidelity.

"Just so you know, I wouldn't want to take you by surprise, of course by that time I'll probably be dead anyway so it doesn't really matter, but I'll never for give you if it does happen. Ever- so let's just get that straight."

Tala felt as though something was obstructing his throat and swallowed painfully, "Well I'm glad we've got that sorted." He said in a voice he hoped sounded cheerful, "I mean it's not like I'm trying to save your life or anything like that- oh no, this is just all my selfish intention."

"Something's, aren't worth saving Tala." Kai replied firmly, looking at his friend from the corner of his eyes.

"And of course it's not like I didn't try everything else; and of course I mean everything!" Tala realised to his horror his voice was getting louder and louder, but he felt reckless and damned angry at Kai for saying that, how could he? How could he? Yes of course he knew the risks- but of course it wasn't as if Kai knew just how difficult it was literally pushing him into the arms of someone else- the someone else whom Tala Valkov knew he had been in love with during the duration of those three years- however hard he had tried to deny it to himself.

"I mean it's not like I'm not sleeping at night because I keep waking up and worrying about you, fifty times an hour, every hour, every minute, every second. And it's not as if you aren't helping me, oh no, you're being very helpful not eating, not talking to me and getting steadily worse. What am I talking about? Your being F helpful, Kai!" He slammed his fist hard into the nearby wall in a sudden vent of rage and despair, "It's not like it's any of those things Kai!" God damn it shut up, shut up! He thought distraughtly biting his lower lip savagely, his knuckles where bleeding from where he had shattered the wall plaster, and his eyes were beginning to sting, F this!.

"Tala."

Shit, Kai was right behind him now, the red haired youth felt himself stiffen in defence as his friend put one hand on his shoulder and said, "I'm sorry, it wasn't fair of me to say that."

Jesus, was that the understatement of the century or what?

"Not fair?" came his wolfish growl swatting the hand away in mad fury and contempt, wishing that Kai would stop looking so God damned cool in the middle of a heated argument, "Do you have any idea what it's like to see you like this, and to not be able to stop thinking about you-you-u…" he stumbled a little on his words here and felt his pale skin flush slightly, Hiwatari had raised his eyebrows a fraction, and was looking at him with some enigmatic expression that to be honest Tala didn't want to know what it meant.

"I mean," he began, rushing for the words now, "I just-no matter what I do, I can't help you…and I-I."

Oh shit, he thought.

Kai, had never really understood why Tala had always stuck by him, even though they argued and constantly got on each others nerves; Tala Valkov was- hard and yet simple to predict, in a simplistic assessment one might say, his heart ruled his head, and yet his more calculating instincts where always on the alert. There had never been a moment in the past few years when his pale skinned, red haired, gangly, grey eyed companion, and perhaps best friend had not been there for him. In essence it would be fair to say he loved Tala, his unpredictable mood swings, his short temperament, and of course this impenetrable ray of optimism, but it was a passionless love, like that of a brother. It wasn't like the blinding wanting, needing and pleading that he felt whenever he was close to Tyson, there were no thousand words that he wanted to say, to touch or to feel. With Tala, everything always seemed so much simpler, he said what he felt, Tala would see him, understand him for truly was and be able to accept that- he didn't need to pretend, and even when he pushed him away for fear of his friend getting in too deep, there was no getting rid of him.

In other words, he loved Tala, but he wasn't in love with him. And it was perhaps the easiness of the relationship that had caused him to ignore, certain-other feelings that he felt were generated towards him, unspoken, unexpressed, unheard things, but altogether there. He had the feeling, had it not been for Tala he would have fallen apart on that dark night three years ago when he had first gone to Russia- in the cold rational part of his mind, he knew it would have been easier if he had been in love with Tala Valkov. And yet now, even with his friend so upset, stumbling over stupid words with an altogether different meaning in mind he didn't really feel anything other then a binding loyalty and self disgust for making his companion so upset- and it was all his fault really.

It had seemed natural to touch in an effort to consolidate the bond and to say without sensitive words (which in truth he'd never been very good at anyway) I'm sorry for being a jerk, please forgive give me. What he hadn't expected, when in one very intimate movement touching the side of his friends face with the back of his forefinger and middle finger, one brow raised slightly in a mocking expression chiding his friend for all that worry, was for Tala's body to become so completely rigid, nor for his friend to look at him like…like that. Like he didn't understand something, or wanted something he couldn't have, but with such pain as he closed his eyes moved into his out stretched fingers and placed his head against Kai's broad shoulders and said in an almost inaudible voice, "I just don't want you to die."

Kai should have said here, "I won't I promise you." or something cocky in a manner of reassurance- some solace was needed at least, but instead he found himself holding onto Tala and biting down the bitter taste of fear that seemed to have smothered itself over his tongue, and thinking, as he always did in moments like these, about Tyson, and the way he walked, talked, laughed, and smiled- or at least used to smile.

It's not enough to want, he thought, closing his eyes and just breathing, it's not enough to think to yourself in the quite moments of the night of how much you need someone. It's not enough to just watch from the shadows, laugh at them when they approach you and then push them away again because you are afraid for them. It was never-will never be enough. It's a sin to want as much as this I am sure, lust, gluttony and greed, it's not enough to want you Tyson, he thought, I want to posses you, I want you to understand no one can touch you or look at you in the way that I do, no one can want you like I do.

Which is the exact reason why you have to stay away from me, because despite whatever they say, symbiotic or non-symbiotic this thing- this Insomnia- will some how spread to you, and if that happens- I think, know I know, I would become almost inhuman.

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"Kai," Justine Moore said, sticking her blonde head around the door and displaying all of her perfect white teeth, "I want you to take Mr Granger downstairs for me; while I see to something's." Her piercing pea green eyes settling narrowed on the sight of Tala sitting on the sofa with Kai leaning over him, first aid kit in hand, bandaging up his bloody knuckle, half exasperated, half indulging expression on his face as the pale skinned youth winced as the last sting of antiseptic subsided.

"I leave you two alone for a minute," she commented, leaning against the door post, clipboard in hand, "and look, there's world war three."

"I'm sorry," replied Kai smoothly, shutting up the box and placing both his hands in his black khakis, raising his chin slightly, "was that supposed to be funny?"

"Oh honey," came her sarcastic comeback, arms folded as she beckoned them both out, "you really are an original aren't you?"

She strode confidently across the room and grabbed the gangly red haired youth from his slump on the sofa, clasping hand about the forearms, and shoving him with remarkable strength, so he almost hurtled across the room.

"What?" questioned Tala perplexed, being pushed out the door by the bossy female, "I don't understand-" he began, being frog marched by Justine down the long marble corridor, the clip of her heels echoing down the empty archways.

"Hey," shouted Kai at both of their retreating backs, broad shoulders squared, brows descending over his quixotic eyes, "where are you going? And what about-…about Granger?"

"Oh honey, didn't I tell you?" she called back with one of her easy smiles that sent shivers of frustration up his spine, "I'm gonna be a little late- take him downstairs and keep him company for a while."

"Why can't you get someone else to do it?" he shouted after her, feeling the beginnings of panic claw hysterically at his stomach, damn it! He should have known Justine and Tala would cook up something like this together; his friend sent him an I-couldn't-help-it-please-don't-kill-me-later glance from over his shoulder and was shoved down a corridor and out of sight. The last Hiwatari saw of Justine was a cheerful wave, a flash of perfect teeth and the long swooping swish of her long blonde hair as it trailed out like a golden flag behind her.

Holy Shit, thought Kai, and for once he felt a truer word couldn't have been spoken.

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He had, admittedly procrastinated, he felt, on coming down to the reception room, he had taken the stairs, not the lift, he had waited for every last person to pass by him before allowing himself to go on, and he had taken the long way round. So by the time he actually saw Tyson Granger sitting in one the same black arm chair that he had been sitting in on that fateful day, with his arms crossed, tongue in his cheek, looking rather pissed off, it was understandable, due to the delay of a further thirty minutes for someone to have the decency to come down and fetch him.

Kai stood for about twenty seconds by the winding staircase, uncharacteristically unsure of exactly what it was he was supposed to do next; on closer inspection he was more than unsure, he was terrified. Terrified of what he might say, what he might do, but most of all terrified of hurting Tyson- again.

He took a deep breath, lowered his shoulders, lifted his chin slightly and placed the façade carefully over his visage again.

'Be nice to him Kai,' Tala had told him as he had bandaged his hand up, 'don't push him away anymore. He might help you never know.'

Easy for you to say, Hiwatari thought bitterly, clenching his hands and taking the plunge, you're not the one who could kill him.

"Tyson," he said in blunt direct voice, the world champion turned round, brows raised over his midnight blue eyes and gave him a very cold look.

"Hiwatari," he didn't stand up or make any other effort of recognition, but for fleeting a moment their eyes locked, Kai had had the horrible sensation of feeling naked, and had felt a familiar trickle of heat work its way down his spine, for a fraction of a second his eyes had slid down to Tyson's generous mouth, his skin seeming to tingle with an invisible electricity, his eyes had flickered up again, visions locking, and they then simultaneously looked away hurriedly.

"Shall we go?" came the world champions curt response, staring obstinately away from him, Kai noticed the slight flush that was creeping stealthily across his cheeks. Silently they traversed the length of the room, Kai was very careful not to touch Tyson, and felt unnaturally stiff in doing so. It didn't help that accidentally every few seconds, they kept catching each others eye and then turning to look abruptly away again wondering where all the heat came from, thinking surely someone else had felt it to.

Inside the lift the lavender eyed youth slumped against the cool metal framed and tried to calm his fraying nerves, Tyson in an effort to do something touched the glowing panel as the doors slid shut, and a small 'blip' filled the interior of the compartment as they shuddered upwards.

"That's the wrong floor." Stated Kai factually, drumming his fingers against the metal walls and looking at Tyson through the corner of his eyes.

"Oh is it?" the world champion flushed beetroot red and fumbled for the right switch, something else went 'blip' and a little crimson light began to flash in the glowing panel.

"Oh shoot!" mumbled the blue eyed blader, jabbing at the scarlet light in an effort to switch off; Kai couldn't help smiling, same old, same old, he thought standing behind Tyson and switching the blinking light off through a series of codes, his little finger brushing against the soft under skin of Tyson's palm for a nanosecond, and a spiral of heat seemed to wash over both of them and dancing electric pins and needles exploded in Kai's stomach.

The indigo haired youth snatched his hand away as though he had been burned, and as the elevator shuddered to a halt looked expectantly at the doors, but they didn't open, he frowned and bit his lip perplexed but didn't say anything.

"You activated the emergency block," Kai informed him factually, crossing his arms and leaning against the curved wall, willing himself to relax, waiting was something he was good at.

"We'll have to wait for the system to reset."

The stillness spiralled horribly for a moment- and then.

"I guess that was pretty stupid of me huh?"

The smile that was curling at Tyson's lips was humourless and calculating, he had a bitter expression residing in the depths of his eyes as he turned round to Kai and said in formal unfeeling tones, "But then I'm always doing moronic things aren't I Hiwatari?"

Kai raised both his brows and looked intently at him, "You're not moronic." He said after a moments pause, feeling his nails digging painfully into the flesh of his arms, this really was the last place on earth he wanted to be, it was difficult even looking at Tyson without his mind wondering to-other things. His vision kept settling on his mouth, the corners of his eyes, his slender neck with its creamy smooth skin, the slight twist of his lips that formed as he spoke, and the small brown mole on his collar bone. Oh Tala was going to pay for this, and for that matter, so was Justine.

"That's a new one," snarled Tyson suddenly very aggressive, shoulders rigid, arms crossed and pressed close against his body in a defensive posture, "but then you always have different something to say each time I see you don't you?"

Kai placed his thumb against his bottom lip and gently bit it, "If this is about last time Granger," he hesitated, he had never seen Tyson narrow his eyes at him like this before, and it left him feeling rather physically sick with wonder at what his own words must have been.

"I don't remember what it was I said to you."

There was a stunned silence, Tyson blinked several times and looked at Kai as though he thought he was laughing at him.

"What do you mean you don't remember?" He said quietly, fingers pressing very hard against his upper arms.

"Are you joking, all those things you said- and you don't remember?"

"I guess the moronic one here is me." Kai laughed sourly and turned his head away so he wouldn't have to look- he didn't trust himself to look, he felt himself to begin to sink.

"It's pathetic isn't it? I can't even remember what it was I said to you- perhaps I'd be better of dead. But I guess I soon will be, so it's a right, I won't be able to cause you anymore grieve, or-anything else."

"Why can't you…" Tyson's voice trailed off and his shoulder's lowered, his body visibly loosening from it's stiff position, he had that look again, Hiwatari thought, that innocent naïve look that fitted him so well.

Kai closed his eyes and tasted the bitter flavour of tobacco lingering on his tongue, for some reason his heart was jumping irregularly in his chest, and he felt, more then heard Tyson move a step closer.

'Tell him,' the small nagging voice of Tala badgered in his ear, 'tell him everything. Tell him now.'

"Kai?" Tyson said softly, Hiwatari opened his eyes and found the blue eyed youth staring intently back at him, his mouth; he subconsciously registered, only a few inches away from his own, warm and inviting, a prickle of something raw and hot quivered against his fingertips as lightly he reached out and brushed the digits of his right hand against the soft skin beneath Tyson's temple.

The blue eyed youth's mouth parted slightly, the delicate pink of his tongue peeping out between the burgundy lips, without thinking about it; in one deliberate, deft movement Kai brushed his own dry lips against Tyson's in the slightest of butterfly kisses. Electricity seemed to crackle between them as both of their temperatures peaked and rose, Kai's nose bumped against the soft concave of Tyson's left cheek, felt his hand move to the nape of his neck, where it burned against the cool of his flesh bringing him painfully closer, and he heard a small moan escape from his mouth. He felt the dull throbbing move closer about his chest and his head twinge in a sudden pain as Tyson moved his mouth over his own, feeling the sudden longing, wanting, desiring and needing, as he felt the press of the high shoulders, the hard torso and the long legs against his own body. It was in helpless concurrence that the kiss deepened and became steadily more desperate in own tongue moving into the soft heat beyond Tyson's teeth, wanting in blissful agony what became a blinding pain, becoming hotter and hotter with each passing second. Some boundary had been crossed into mutual ground for a moment out of time, something that they both sought after for three years, this was some physical reassurance of what they both craved for was still a reality, however faint, however ridiculous and however dangerous. He felt his own hands move up into Tyson's hair, the baseball cap falling to the floor with a light 'flump' pulling his mouth closer so he could feel him, taste him, know him more. Then as the kiss became too hot, too unfathomable and too reckless, the lift shuddered again, and then suddenly, as if they both realised what it was they were doing they broke away, breathing hard, Kai's eyes still half closed as he fought to regain control, hands clenching and unclenching spasmodically by his sides. A whole manner of words flew thick and fast though the fog residing in his head, he could settle on none; his heart jumped erratically in his chest as he fought the solid enticement to forget the world and everything in it for another moment of that raw elation. But then, as he pressed his thumb against his lower lip and willed for the world to stop spinning, he remembered that wishes are all, in nature pointless, and that nothing could alter or hinder the path that his fate was leading him down with cold merciless fingers. His fate was one thing, but to pass it on to another person, that other person being Tyson- he couldn't- he wouldn't ever allow that to happen.

Despite whatever Justine had told him, regardless of what Tala had said; Insomnia would stop with him- that he had decided.

And nothing on earth would be able to change that.

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Significantly longer, I got sick of the idea revolving in my head so here it is ladies in text- thank you NekoAnime, Road Kill Roko, Serenity Cathedral a.k.a. serena429, Kiina, Ereshkigali (huggles for her wonderful reviews), Laurelleaves, and phoenixandashes . :glomps all of you for the support:

Minako Mikoto, I defy you not to find TyKa content in this chapter here, I kept your comment in mind especially! XD

And to anyone else how has reviewed- I'm so beat one o'clock in the morning and posting- jeez, I have so much Biology to do- screw Phospholipids and bi-layers…:goes to curl up in a ball and sleeps:

P.S THANK YOU FOR READING!


	7. Harder to Breathe

Insomnia

By The Eternity Dragon

Disclaimer:…..XD

Harder to Breathe

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Tyson would have been lying to himself if he had denied the fact that he hadn't enjoyed that kiss, there was no point in denying that he thought, as he stepped out into the vaulted hallway, fiddling pointlessly with the collar of his jacket feeling his breath catch jagged in his chest.

There was no shame in admitting that, to deny the truth caused an inevitable obsession to what you cannot have, he'd learnt that a long time ago. What was nagging at the back of his mind was the continual loop of cause and effect that would probably- most likely- lead to the same conclusion as before- something he was not keen on repeating anytime soon.

The fact was and would always remain, is that he had never quite felt that way about anybody apart from Kai.

It was painful to realise that it took little to no on effort on Kai's part to activate some passionate response in him; it was like flicking some internal switch that seemed to charge the air with electricity. The nights he had spent sleepless, tossing and turning until he couldn't take it any longer, the endless thinking, wanting, needing. He had found several ways of temporarily remedying this, two of which worked on occasion, one which didn't really work but made him tired enough to dreamlessly sleep, the last, the one he was least proud of, the one that showed his darker, brooding, manipulative nature, undoubtedly worked the best. Yet afterwards came endless mouths whispering nothings of truths, deceptions and lies- and the worst thing was that sometimes he enjoyed it too. And that was a pain he had to endure constantly in the back of his mind, until at night when it came back to haunt him again only to repeat the vicious cycle. This out of control feeling was slowly devouring his life, he behaviour, his sleeping patterns, his relationships, and to a certain extent his friends.

It was ridiculous really, he didn't expect anything, and at least he knew that. He wasn't so naïve anymore, something at least to be glad of, but that didn't stop the fact that he shouldn't be here in the first place, especially when there was every reason in the world for him not to be here.

He hadn't quite understood why it was that Tala Valkov had phoned him up in near hysterics the previous morning,

"Will you just talk to him?" Tala had asked in desperation.

"Please, will you just talk to him?"

Tyson, who had been regarding the receiver with suspicion wondering if this was some sort of joke; had said in a clipped response, "I don't really want to have anything to do with Kai Hiwatari thank you."

His own words had stung in his chest but he'd steadily ignored the loud beating of his heart and the deafening throb of the blood rushing in his veins.

"Besides, I'm probably the last person he wants to see right now."

There had been an impregnated pause here stippled with the noise of crisp static, and at long last with some pain in his voice, Tala had said, "You'd just help, I know you would."

Another pause and then, "I can't help in that way."

"What way?" Tyson had asked quickly feeling his stomach clench, frowning as the morning sunlight had streamed in through the kitchen windows spooling across the white tiles.

"Just come." With that Tala had severed the connection, leaving Tyson Granger, glaring at the mouth piece with his deep blue eyes wondering if this was some sort of very unfunny joke, and did he really give a damn if, as Tala said, Kai was in some sort of danger- not eating, talking or whatever it was.

The answer of course had been yes, he did care, and no he couldn't leave it alone, and three he'd spent all of yesterday worrying about it, a sleepless night and then a troubled morning until he'd harassed Hiro into conveying him to the Legacy complex in that interminable black sub, ditching Daichi with Max, Hillary (although she was certainly less than pleased at being stuck with the little red head- lord knows what would have happened if he had told her who it was he was going to see) and Kenny.

Hiro had raised one eyebrow sceptically but hadn't said anything else, sensing perhaps it was more prudent to watch first ask questions later, besides Tyson already suspected that Hiro knew of his less then subtle feelings for Kai, although they'd never openly breached the subject. The topic of the former Blade Breaker team captain was always met with a slight flicker of the eyes and the classic arched brow.

Yes, Hiro knew, Tyson concluded, Hiro had always known, perhaps even before Tyson had known himself- perhaps Tyson had been the last to know as well, to finally realise something in perfect unified happiness and then have your heart broken the very next day.

They stepped silently and awkwardly into a glass reception room, Kai, Tyson noticed was keeping as far away from him as possible, his lavender eyes dark and brooding, lips slightly parted and his pale marble like skin lightly flushed. He recognised that look; it was the same look Kai always wore in a Bey battle when he'd make what Kenny had always referred to as a human pilot error- a simple act based on 'human' desires and fears that often lead to dire consequences.

He was a perfect picture of hostile serenity, the long shadows of the tinted light casting deep shadows across his face as he punched in the security code on one of the barred doors with the sign 'No entry without explicit permission' printed in bold across the top.

The blue eyed youth wondered how it was possible for a person to go from so vulnerable, to a fortress in only a matter of seconds, Kai's eyes were narrowed, feathery lashes fluttering across their slanted width, mouth compressing into a thin line as he looked up at him across the expanse of the room. For a moment neither spoke, Hiwatari's expression changed slightly into its usual more calculating façade, like he was trying to determine something. His eyes flickered briefly from Tyson's eyes to his mouth and then back to his eyes, before performing the same dip and rise again, he leant against the steel of the door and crossed his arms.

"Do you want to go in?" he asked softly, his eyes still narrowed almost as if he suspected something.

"That is why I came." Tentatively he walked towards Kai, his heart jumping into his mouth and forcing himself to remain above all else calm. (As if that was _ever_ going to happen.)

He reached for the door handle, but in one swift tangible movement the lavender eyed youth grabbed him by the forearm, his grip totally unyielding as he pulled him forcefully forwards.Tyson was surprised more then anything else, but instinctively set his hands against Kai's lower chest, his breathing suddenly becoming ragged and constricted, skin crawling beneath Hiwatari's finger tips.

"Do you make a habit of kissing people in situations like that?"

The blue eyed youth blinked, taking into account the humourless smile and the dangerous tilt of the head, and the slight narrowing of the eyes giving them that hooded impenetrable look of turbulent unspoken emotions.

He didn't trust that look, that look spoke of a past memory he'd rather forget, or rather, was unable to forget. And for that same reason it made him unspeakably angry, furious with the repetitive circles, pointless arguments, and endless insults. But enraged the most with himself for being so weak.

"I'll kiss who I like, when I like Kai. I don't need your permission to do that do I?"

A humourless smile twisted itself across his sensual mouth, and the grip tightened slightly, "Who exactly have you been kissing Tyson?"

There was something very promiscuous about that statement that caused a sick swerve of heated guilt to go shooting through Tyson's stomach.

"It's none of your business who I get off with Kai." He hissed his hands curling into fists, nails digging deep into the pale softness of his palms. Damn it, he wished that he would stop looking at him with that half lidded lazy expression- why did it hurt him so much to say these things? Why was it necessary to say them? Why did it matter?

"I guess you're right," Kai said gently, the words loaded with stinging venom, "why would I care what you do with your other numerous lovers? Just don't presume to include me as one of them."

Tyson was well aware of the fact that the blood was rushing to his cheeks, he was well aware of the fact that his had to tilt his head up in order to defiantly stare back at him, fury raging like a hurricane in his chest. How dare he? How dare he say that to him? How many mouths had Kai kissed that weren't his? How many people had Kai slept with that had not been him?

The thought burned its way violently through his consciousness, and he tried to twist himself away from him, eyes gleaming with a sudden defiance of everything sane. It seemed horribly unfair that Kai's grip never slackened, if anything it only served to push them closer together, he was aware of every contour of his body from his broad shoulders to his knees.

"I seem to have made you angry." Tyson thought he could discern the barest hint of malicious laughter in his voice and felt cold fire prickle in his skin.

His pressed his fingered tips into the taught flesh of Kai's collar bone as hard as he possibly could, hating the intimacy of their bodies and yet the coldness of each other's eyes.

He laughed up at him viciously, the same icy smile and narrowed look, "You just hope you'll find someone to do you like I would have done."

The syllables seemed to trickle down his mouth and throat like poison burning flesh red and raw, but Tyson really didn't care, he wanted Kai to feel just as angry as he was feeling right now.

The lavender eyed youth raised one brow coolly, but there was a hint of arctic anger surfacing in the purple depths, "Really?" he said controlled response.

"Yes," the world champion retorted fairly burning with repressed fury, "but I can't imagine anything more hideous then sleeping with you. I pity anyone who has the misfortune of being to object of your love and desires. "

For a panicked moment Tyson really thought Kai was going to do him serious injury; his expression became so hard, eyes burning with a passionate intensity that sent ripples down his own spine, and the grip on his forearm becoming almost unbearable.

"_You-know-nothing_." Kai Hiwatari wrenched out from between clenched teeth, "You know absolutely _nothing_ of what it would be like."

His mouth came down bruisingly on his own, cutting into the soft flesh behind his lips against his teeth. Tyson was robbed absolutely breathless, arms held down by the vices of Kai's hands, hot swirling emotions bombarded themselves in the pit of his gut. The kiss was totally beyond his control, he felt like a puppet in Kai's hands, ravished- beyond understanding, playing from emotions, he was shaking he realised as slowly, teasingly slowly Kai lifted his head lavender eyes burning with that volatile look.

Silence.

Hiwatari did not immediately relinquish his grip, as though he began to comprehend what it was he had just done; he little by little slackened his grip; "Don't play games you can't win Tyson." He said after what seemed an eternity, and there was some bitterness in the words he spoke as he pushed the blue eyed youth firmly away from him, body rigid, looking down at his hands in a sort of morbid fascination.

"I'd be more careful about being alone with me if I were you. I might try something perfectly hideous, and we'd both regret that."

He opened the door and walked in without saying a word.

The world champion bit his bottom lip, concentrating hard on not stumbling, he felt unsteady, alarmed, and even sick. Had Tyson been able to see Kai clearly as he looked back at him from over his shoulder, he would have seen the look of blinding pain that lingered for a moment in his eyes.

They were totally, utterly, silent.

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I'm too tired to A/N….most of this chapter comes from the Maroon 5 song harder to breathe hence the title…go figure….my poor Ty-chan- you've really been very very bad….why? Mwhuaaaa, there is some validation on what Kai's accusing him on, but that's another plot twist (glomps him) my poor Kai-chan, stop being stubborn. :sigh: No Tala in this, purely TyKa..Or…whatever you want to call this…damn it you two! We all know you just want to get it on- (receives a look from her muse) o..0'

Ga-blah, before I forget, Neko-Anime- Insomnia itself? Just wait and see, wait and see, I promise you I did research the topic before I wrote this- you'll just have to find out later what it is that they're all worried about.

Gah! - Bonfire night…I hate fireworks: hides in the basement with her book:


	8. Presumptions

Insomnia

By The Eternity Dragon

Disclaimer: …..o..0;

Chapter 8

Presumptions

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Tala sat, leg crooked, a dark brooding expression winding its way down his face and concentrating in a slight sneer down the corner of his bottom lip. The whole thing was a mess really, a whole god damned mess, and Kai was sitting right in the middle of it. Slowly Tala Valkov shut his eyes and pressed the tips of his fingers against his closed sockets and took a deep steadying breath in, feeling his toes clench and unclench inside of his shoes and fighting down the wave of nausea.

"Hey," the husky voice to his left startled him so that he nearly fell from the concrete wall he was sitting on, his hands clenched about the rim as he glowered down coldly at Justine Moore who was now lighting a cigarette and taking a long drag as smoke coiled like whispers of silver from between her lush lips.

"Do you mind?" he rebuked coldly, eyes narrowed and flashing with irritation, he could not help disliking her, he could not, there was just something about the way she moved, walked, talked and laughed that made him…aggravated.

"No, I'm allowed to take a break once it a while, last time I checked you weren't the boss of me." she replied pleasantly, taking another drag, and looking up at him from beneath her lashes said softly, "It's a long shot but I hope he can cope."

The red haired youth turned his attention towards the car park again, his eyes scanning rows upon rows of cars, "Here's to hope then." came the static response, brows raised haughtily, mouth compressed so thin it almost disappeared.

Justine smiled to herself, tapping the ash from the butt of the roll over the side of the balcony where it tumbled to the floor in a little heap of grey dust, as the wind snipped parts of it away with long creeping fingers.

"He's beautiful isn't he? Don't you think he's beautiful?"

"What?" Tala blinked, feeling the raw astonishment creep its way over the features of his face (it occurred to him that the question should have been better stated as whom- but in entire truth he knew whom it was Justine was referring to, however little he liked it).

"Don't you think so?" she continued, drawing her long blonde hair over her shoulders in a golden fall of light, and regarding him seriously from the depths of her bottle green eyes.

"In a very gentle sort of way," she continued, her eyes locking into his, those eyes, Tala thought, you could dash yourselves to pieces on them, essence searching, probing eyes, that seemed to rip the flesh from his body and gaze down at his naked soul.

"I admit I was surprised at first," a slight flutter of lashes and a gentle twitch of the mouth, "there's something ultimately childlike about him, wouldn't you say? A sort of naivety that is rather alluring, it makes him-beautiful somehow, simply so. Not like Kai, it's not the same kind of attraction, with Kai, you'd want to…."

She giggled a little then like a naughty girl with a dirty secret, and stabbed out her cigarette on the cold concrete before tossing it in the silver ash tray, the embers smouldering crimson in the burnt out end, "You'd want to do things to Kai, or at least let Kai do things to you that aren't well- how should I say? Talked about in polite conversation."

Her eyes again slipped to Tala, she obviously knows, was the passing thought in red haired youths mind, damn her if I'll let her see it.

"Such as?" He was asking for it but his reckless side had kicked in- he had already signed his doom this morning, another foot in the grave couldn't possibly hurt.

"Kai is raw Tala, and don't tell me you've not felt that, I know differently. The look is often on your face you know, like you're wondering about it, thinking about it. But then again I can hardly blame you, Hiwatari's so very," her eyebrows had descended down over her sea green eyes at vertical angles intensifying her expression tenfold, she wasn't teasing him, she could see that, she was simply stating a fact, and a dangerous one at that.

Tala Valkov glared back at her, back taught and rigid, knuckles white with tension, he could hear the drumming of his heart pounding feverishly in his ears.

"So very _evocative_." He finished acidly for her, wrenching himself from the wall and landing cat like beside her, face to face, nose to nose, cold grey eyes scintillating into irises the colour of flaming jade.

She looked coolly back at him, flicking the lid of her lighter open and shut, open and shut, open and shut, with a gentle tinkle each time the metal lid rocked back on its hinges.

"If Kai ends up hating me for this, it will be a small price to pay if he's _still around_ to hate me for it in years to come. I'd do anything for him, even _you_ know that."

"It's not your fault you know," she responded on a pacifying note on what was a totally different subject, that took him by surprise, his hands momentarily slackening from tightly curled fists.

"I never said-" he began, blinking hard, cheeks flushed crimson.

"But you think it is," she continued looking at him hard again, "'Why isn't it me?' you keep thinking, 'I had it much worse than him. Why aren't I the one with _Insomnia_?'"

"I had _Insomnia_." Tala snarled defensively, that wolf-like expression drawing its way across his mouth and brows.

"But you _did_ have it, and even now you don't quite know the reason why you _don't_ have it anymore. Even I don't know why-and now, it's killing Kai."

"Don't say that!"

"Why?" she asked shrugging her slim shoulders, "because it's the truth? Are you afraid to admit it Tala? Does the truth _frighten_ you? Is the thought of losing him just too much to bear?"

"Stop it!" the red haired youth was shouting now, damn it if weren't the fact that she was a girl he would have punched her squarely in the jaw by now, and my god he would have enjoyed it too.

"If you drive them apart Tala- it will more then kill Kai, you can't afford to think about yourself at a time like this-"

"Don't you think I know that!" he was dimly aware of how loud his voice had become, or how his nails were pressed so hard into the soft under flesh of his hands that they were drawing blood that was slowly spooling down the tips of his fingers.

"Don't you think I know that?" he said again in barely more than an inaudible whisper, falling back against the cold concrete; cool grey eyes staring fixedly at the square stone slabs.

"He told me the other day-" quietly he marvelled at the steadiness of his own voice and regarded his bleeding palms with a detached pain and absorption, "he told me that if you couldn't stop it, that I was…" he paused, and pressed the lids of his eyes firmly shut. As if to block out the horrible image that was writhing its way through the layers of his subconscious.

"That I was to kill him."

The lighter lid tinkled back on its hinges again as Justine flipped the lid repeatedly backwards and forwards over and over again for another few moments. Her expression was totally unfathomable, at a glance perhaps even bored, but Tala could see the slight dilation in her pupils, the way in which the corners of her wide red mouth had curled back in recollection and distaste, and even self loathing. Her fingers moving ceaselessly over the silver surface, scraping her nails hard against the metallic surface as slowly, achingly slowly she opened her mouth to reply.

"It would be preferable wouldn't it?" It was a short, ejaculation of words, that comprised of both briskness and defiance, as though trying to convince ones self of the candour of the statement.

"What?" Tala stormed in open outrage- that was the last thing he could have expected from her- her of all people.

"You'd just let him…?" he mouthed wordlessly, unable to say it out loud as though reality would quickly follow it on silent dark wings of fate.

"Would I kill if I couldn't prevent it from completely devouring his mind!" she snarled suddenly, her vivid eyes scintillating with a mad ferocity be fitting of a golden lioness.

"You can't think I'd let it progress when I have seen first hand what it can do? You yourself are a living example of the trauma it creates for the body; let alone the mind! Can you honestly look at me Tala Valkov and tell me that, you, of all people would let Kai- your friend, the person that you perhaps love the most in all of the world-"

The red haired youth put his hands over his ears at this and turned away, not wanting to listen to the rest of the statement, why now of all times was he shivering so? Why was his heart beating so loudly in his ears that it was almost deafening to him?

Justine gripped him forcibly by the shoulder and span him about, glaring hostilely back at him, her own eyes glittering with thick tears as she choked between clenched teeth, "That you would let him become less than human? When you saw what happened to all those other children- so long ago at the Abbey? You'd let him become like that? Willingly?" She threw out the last part so it stung the air, its acidic tendril threading their sinuous way about their ears, fingers and limbs.

Oh how he wished she hadn't started crying, it was so easy to hate people when they weren't crying. Not that she was crying audibly, two trickles of clear liquid slid down her cheeks and she quickly, almost angrily rubbed them away; her mouth compressed as though frustrated with her own lack of self control.

Slowly Tala shook his head, feeling awkward, the nauseous feeling coiling itself tightly about his stomach.

"Shit!" Justine muttered running her hands over her face and straightening her hair, "What the hell is wrong with me today?"

The red haired youth, regarded her critically for some time, his head tilted at a slight angle, his grey eyes narrowed, although not unpleasantly, and said, "What do you mean today?"

Justine Moore chuckled, and reached into her pocket for a packet of tissues and wad of gum.

It was a stupid thing really to be angry about, Kai Hiwatari though irately, leaning against the wall glaring acidly at his shoes, a damned stupid thing that just couldn't be helped in any form shape or manner. And yet, it did matter, it mattered an awful lot. It mattered too much.

Tyson had kissed him in the lift, freely, unhindered in wanton abandon for what had seemed like an eternal gap in time. The kiss itself had been pleasant enough- could he describe it like that? It had been more like a reassurance of actually being alive; that dreams are based in reality and that heaven does, for a brief moment, exist in the mortal realm. It had only been after the exchange, when his heart had been beating so very fast and his blood rushing in erratic delirium about his body that his mind had seemed to recall the fact that on that perfect day three years ago the single kiss they had exchanged then had been so very very different. Naïve and tempestuous in its raw innocence- a virgin's kiss in other words, and Kai had known it too, looking down into those very open blue eyes and seeing the blithe smile and the cherry flush spreading slowly about his cheeks. And he remembered now how he had bent his head again to kiss him, with another slow brushing of the lips, and saying softly against the hot whisper of his temple three simple words: '_I love you._'

There had been none of the gentle teasing of the tongue, the urgent press of limbs against each other, the slight twisting of the shoulders and the lower back so that all could be felt through the light soft denim fabric. It had been a totally different expression of what- love? Kai felt his mouth involuntarily curl up into a cynical snarl, and he bit down on his lower lip hating his own jealousy in that moment.

It wasn't love- but raw desire- and a type of desire that had been practised as well, one didn't move, want and need like that on instinct alone, one was taught that 'type' of movement, and he had certainly had not been the one to take it, or do it for that matter. For some reason, despite the logical thoughts that presented themselves to him, the thoughts of three years, and I shouldn't expect things that I never gave to, and even what right do I have to expect?

The question, the hatred and the insane jealousy still rang very loud and clear- who was it?

Kai drummed his fingers across the wall behind him, and allowed his vision to drift slowly up to where Tyson was standing, a few meters away, with his back to him. The computer screen span with numbers and figures as the reading where read from the scanner that rested just above his right eye, his eye carefully diverted to the blitz blade that was rotating before him. Stat numbers rolled and dilated in a flickering kaleidoscope of colours.

They had been sitting in silence for almost half an hour, Tyson with an almost a resilient determined air, it was an odd thought to love someone so much and yet consciously try everything possible to move so far away.

An odd jibing pain sprang callously up and down the flesh of his right arm and his head sang in aching delirium. It wasn't fair to Tyson to push him through so many hoops and then expect anything back in return; no matter if his heart was breaking into so many pieces, no matter how much it hurt.

He slid further down the wall, the pain drilling into his temple like a falling hammer, his knees buckling beneath him as the shooting hurt began to hum at the base of his skull. Kai had wanted, what had he wanted? He thought dimly as he felt his legs hit the floor in tangled numbness beneath him, thoughts becoming a bubbling swirl as the pain became suddenly worse, much much worse. He could hear the screaming now, the high ethereal screaming as something shattered and the monitors flashed on and off and on and off.

There was no air. No air. And then mind numbing silence as the pain came again.

How could he have been so stupid as to have thought something like that?

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	9. Indemnity

Insomnia

By The Eternity Dragon

Disclaimer: …..;)

Chapter Nine

Indemnity

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It's in a moment when you no longer have normality that you suddenly realise how important it really is to you. It was like that for Tyson Granger, hating the tedium of dancing two steps closer, and then pushing five steps further away again, like the endless ripples of the tide on the wet impressionable sand of a beach. With each incoming spray the water rakes down a little more with it, leaving nothing more then a condensation of bits and pieces all muddled up into a greater contingency.

It was in a word monotony, one that drank him up with smiling lips and a blistering tongue, a feeling that was both hot and cold at once, sweet and sour, bitter with relish and honey dew delicacy, sickening and moorish it beckoned you slowly back only to delve deeper into things that he knew he should never have thought of, never have wanted, and certainly never have done. But was that entirely his fault? Did he belong to Kai? Had it ever been his obligation not to have 'other' lovers, had he and Kai actually ever had a relationship it might have been different; he thought acidly to himself. Even now Tyson could feel Kai's eyes raking across his back causing him to shiver ever so slightly. There were certain things one did do, and other things one had to do, and that had been one of them, no if, buts, or don'ts about it. It was like obligation, need, urgency, how fast, or how slow, or simply to be there, to be alive, just to make sure, just to understand, just to stop the endless needing. It was an empty existence, and empty feeling afterwards despite the warmth, a slightly sickening feeling in some ways, and in others delicious. And yet it was never really enough- not for him anyway, it was like eternally craving something that was just out of reach, you could see it, touched it on a few occasions but could never have it.

Temptation like that was worse than death, it was maddening, and all the things he had ever thought to himself in his own defence had turned to ashes in his mouth, burning in hot acidic thought on their way down. Yet despite this, despite all of this he still wanted it, the first and last fool in the world, and he still wanted what it was he couldn't have.

It was then, as Tyson felt his own shoulders rise a little as his thoughts became defensive of his own feelings and the long hours he had spent aching with regret and denial only to have the word 'numerous others' thrown in his face made him damned angry. In fact it made him furious, and forgetting his own design to deny all outward showing of emotion he spun around, hands clenched tightly into fists and his blue eyes glittering fiercely.

It was in that moment when he turned and looked, unblinking at Kai Hiwatari, his face oddly pale, and beautiful slanted quixotic eyes startling in their raw intensity loose all focus as he staggered back against the wall. A confused look twisting across his lips as he raised one hand to the side of his head and let out a little moan, there was a short pause; Tyson felt his stomach plummet down a dark spiral of ice. Kai gasped slightly as though his lungs couldn't contain enough oxygen and then slid further down the wall, without awareness of his body moving Tyson tore across the stone floor to catch him as Kai's legs buckled beneath him and a little moan of pain and despair flew from his lips like the feeble beating of a young bird's wings.

It was then that the whole world seemed to go mad, the lights flickered out in a sudden breath of darkness and a high ethereal sound, like the scream of the dead beneath miles of cold concrete and slate rose, blue, wordless and mindless up through the roof as the monitor screens exploded showering Tyson with red hot sparks as a sharp callous pain wrenched through his temple. Tyson yelled and pulled Kai closer to him as the circuits all blew out, hissing and spitting golden sparks and dancing like jumping beans across the dark marble stone of the floor.

Everything went still.

The blue eyed youth sat his own heart racing madly in his ears, feeling the warmth of Hiwatari's body press against his own. His face was pressed gently against Tyson's neck and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest gave him comfort in the indemnity that he was alive.

"Kai," he spoke softly, between the dark undulations of his thick hair and to the rim of his ear.

"Are you awake?"

Nothing, Tyson pressed his nose against the soft curls and closed his eyes, gently rocking his body back and forward, his limbs shaking with the release of adrenaline; total silence pressed down on the from all sides like a cascade of stillness that ripped the breath from his lungs.

"Oh god Kai," he pleaded, hating himself for the still figure he held so inanimate in his arms; "please say something."

"No."

_It was something I didn't ever think could happen to me._

Tyson let out a long shuddering breath and then held very still as another word came, the words sluggish and tied together as if in a knot of emotion and feelings, the body against his suddenly stiffened and he felt the concave of a tensed palm push hard against his chest.

"No, don't make me do it again." It was like a dry sob, the plea of a desperate child; Kai Hiwatari had his own eyes shut very tightly as he said it, his body tensed, muscles rigid like that of a child's in the claws of a nightmare. The dim light fell sharply across the contours of his face, casting hollows about his eyes and cheeks.

"It hurt so much, I don't want it. I want it to stop, make it stop!"

"Kai!" Tyson said gripping him tightly by the shoulders and shaking him his own voice shuddering in shock as Hiwatari's lavender eyes suddenly jerked open, it was in one fluid movement he suddenly moved back, his visage unsteady, unknowing as he staggered back against the wall, turned away and retched. His hands stark white as he pushed them firmly against his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut as he leant back against the wall, his body weak with shock.

_I never wanted you to see._

"Kai," Tyson began, his mouth impossibly dry, all sense and thought had seemed to have been in that one moment driven from his mind; a mixture of acute pain and misery clung about his chest as he looked at Kai, his back against the wall, dark hair falling onto his arms as he pulled his legs in towards his chest.

"Kai." He repeated, knowing not what else to do, he could only liked it to talking to a child, a very small, helpless child who seemed to be silently screaming in pain.

Kai shook his head against he knees and seemed to pull them even closer towards his body; his hands clasped so hard together were trembling slightly, the knuckles a strident white in bloodless paleness of his skin.

_Please don't look at me now._

"Kai, please look at me. Tell me what's happening."

Hiwatari had placed both hands over his ears now, his eyes closed and his breathing ragged as if in severe pain, Tyson felt dread slowly creep up on him from behind and settle, coiled and bitter about his neck and stomach; his hands were shaking as he leant down and placed his cool palms against the heat of Kai's face and tilted his head so their eyes met.

_It was such a selfish dream, a future that drowned in its own happiness._

The lavender eyed youth made a little sound of pain; on impulse Tyson pulled Hiwatari towards him, ignoring the sudden stiffening of his body and the coldness of his fingers; he tried to push away but Tyson just held on tighter, murmuring over and over again into his ear "Oh god Kai, don't shut me out, please, not again, not again. Don't shut me out again." Like a mantra, until the words became incoherent, meaningless and just sound as they lay, limbs entwined, one wordless, eyes fighting a darkness that seemed to sweep over them from within, the other swimming in a sea of deep blue of tears and regrets.

"I didn't want to come back." Kai said after what seemed an age, his fingers moving up the back of Tyson's neck, and coiling about the soft skin their, the tips of his fore and middle finger stroking the sensitive patch at the back there.

"I didn't want you to know."

Tyson Granger had his eyes closed so tightly shut now, feeling and listening to the gentle rhythm of their heart beats, feeling the gentle elation as Kai's hands dipped lower down his back, and his face press into the warms of his hair, and his lips brush the rim of his ear.

_Why would I dare to presume that after all this time you would still feel the same?_

"I didn't want you to know," and it was with some hesitation that he went on, the press of his fingers becoming very hard against the back of Tyson's neck, "what a monster I'm going to become." As the syllables wrenched themselves out his voice suddenly broke, and the blue eyed though found himself mindlessly, wordlessly pressing his numb lips against the hot skin of that pale deathly face.

"And I know how wicked of me it is to want you to…" Kai's eyes seemed to be hewn from some deep bleeding stone as he pulled Tyson's mouth towards his own and kissed him so deeply that they both shuddered for breath, pressing so close to each other that skin seemed to be in the way of some greater comfort that they both ached for.

"I want you to tell me this time Kai." The blue eyed youth said breathlessly, his heart dancing like a butterfly inside his chest as his back touched the floor and Hiwatari moved over him, powerful and muscular as a black panther, both their breathing hard and jagged as his hands slid beneath Tyson's shirt and lay burning on the lower part of his abdomen.

"I don't even understand it myself." Kai answered callously against Tyson's mouth, he looked down into the blue eyes beneath him that seemed to drink him in and yet hold him back at the same time.

"You know Kai," the blue eyed youth stated, lips flushed and swollen, titling into a knowing smile, "the faster you tell me, the faster you'll get what you want."

"You want this as much as I do." He replied quietly.

"But not enough to be hurt again without good reason Kai."

There was a silence in which they both looked at each other clearly for the first time without any walls or barriers in between them; they saw the raw pain, and the wanting and the needing. A look can express a thousand words, one sigh, or a slight flicker of the eyes can express so very much more than words could ever convey in an eternity of existence.

_This I owe to you at least, this, and so much more._

It was therefore with one slow and sinuous movement that Kai twisted his body off of Tyson's and lay breathing low and heavy on the floor next to him. The pain had gone almost entirely from his head and the high ethereal was only a slight buzzing hum in his ear now. Beside him he felt the body of the one he loved the most, move close beside him, his warm breath tickling the flesh of his cheek as he stared up at the dark roof of the ceiling and searched for words without answers.

"They called it," he began eventually, and the hardness of the words momentarily choked him in their sudden anxiety, "project Insomnia."

Tyson's hands clenched and unclenched by his sides, and he rested his chin against the broad beginnings of Kai's shoulder.

"Why?" the fragile continents hanging in the air like wisps of undulating smoke in the darkness.

"Because," Kai continued without look at him, "at the beginning, the symptoms mimicked those cause by the chronic anxiety disorder Insomnia. It was supposed to," he paused and gave a bitter laugh that rang out against the cold tiles of the room, the smell of burning plastic curling about their nostrils and rising to the roof.

"It was supposed to make us unstoppable Tyson, but it all went so badly wrong."

_Not because I was selfish or wanting, but you took all of my innocence, and then you destroyed it._

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A/N Okay, okay, I think this one is messy, forgive me! School term ended (thank god) but I fell down the stairs and ripped the muscles in my right ankle and now my foot has swollen up to the size of an elephant and is all black and blue and painful- and is generally gross. So, any inconsistencies, I'll blame on painkillers and incoherency due to PAIN!

Chemistry seems to take all joy from my life so forgive me for the little (to no) sense in this chapter at all, I have answered one question, and in chapter ten…fufufu I will give away yet more, but not all XD….ha-ha (I'm such a cow).

This will so teach me from laughing at Paul Robinson from neighbours because he lost his leg ;…; irony…

Jeez, what are these forum thingies:pokes:


	10. The idea of intent

Insomnia

By The Eternity Dragon

Chapter Ten

The idea of intent

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In the swimming layers of lucid unconscious bubbles pricked the surface, brimming with sound and flickering of lights that lingered caressing and gentle over the skin. Small sounds like the steady intake of breath and then the gentle tap, tap, tapping of high heels on the stone cold floor. The squeak of a door as it swung heavily on its hinges and the endless rattle of a building filled with row upon row of metal beeping machines.

Kai concentrated harder, one of the bubbles bouncing lightly against the slender film that shielded him from the world of the living; he opened his eyes.

The shock of the overhead light blazing down into his dazed and unsuspecting pupil sent a searing pain down his eyes and shooting through his spine, he swore and shielded his eyes with the back of his hand muttering curses into the soft exposed skin that resided there.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Someone was shouting outside the door, "For further testing? That has to be the most unsatisfactory answer I have ever heard-ever!"

"Well I'm **_sorry_** if my apparent 'incompetence' as you so kindly put it, annoys you but it is standard procedure after cases such as this." He recognised this voice, it was Justine, in her clipped pissed of tone, hands on hips, long blonde hair screwed back into a tight bun green eyes scintillating anger and being challenged.

"So you get a lot of these kinds of screw ups then do you?" the other person bit back, Kai heard her sharp angry intake of breath and the hissing reply that stuck like a snake after it, "I'm afraid I will have to ask you to leave now."

"Not until I can see my brother first!" the person snapped, "How you were licensed by the BBA I shall never know, I can assure you Mr Dickenson will be hearing of your _'standard procedures'_."

"You can blackmail me as much as you want Mr Granger, that doesn't change the fact that Tyson will still have to be kept for overnight surveillance regardless of your objections. I and the company are bound by law to protect his welfare as the accident happened on our premises; there is nothing you can-"

"Well, you are obviously doing a very good job of protecting Tyson's wellbeing aren't you?"

At this Kai sat up, and then quickly wished he hadn't as the surroundings swam in a technicolor ribbon of lights that seemed to wrap around his head in a blinding headache.

Where the hell was he?

Looking about him, at the hospital bed and the drip attached to his arm, the white walls and the plush sofa at the opposite end of the room he gathered he had been taken up to the infirmary. His mind sped back to the basement and the blue lights and that high eerie screaming, and wondered numbly when he had blacked out, and his mind wondering back still further ached to know where Tyson was, little bubbles bursting like Champaign across his mouth and body.

_I told him about Insomnia… _

He wished Tyson were here now, or even Tala, he hated hospital rooms with their queer sterilised smell of old disinfectant, the hard fabric of the covers and the itching of the material against his skin.

They were still arguing across the hall, Justine really was loosing her temper; probably fighting the urge not to dig her nails into her formidable other's eyes.

"I have told you," she was grinding out between her pearly teeth when the bickering stopped, another voice joined the throng, "Hiro," it said in assuaging tones,

"don't be an ass and pick on Justine, I'm fine really. I just got a bit of a shock that's all, it's Kai I'm worried about, he was the one who blacked out."

"Well what happened?"

There was a quick pause, as if Justine and Tyson were exchanging quick looks with each other, "The circuits blew out on the basement floor that's all." She said, "The fumes are non-toxic but sometimes people can have or develop an allergic reaction to it; that why we want to monitor him overnight in case he shows any symptoms."

"Shouldn't he be in a hospital then?" replied Hiro in an I-don't-believe-you-for-one-second sort of voice.

"Legacy has some of the leading authorities in these areas in the world, he's far better off here in our medical facilities than anywhere else."

"I'll be fine!" Tyson chirped in, in what can only be describe as such a positive voice the sun must have cracked open the roof as shone its golden rays right across the corridor and started whistling.

"Erh, yes, he'll be fine." Justine said, in a rather disconcerted manner as though she had seen golden sparks coming out of Tyson's ears and heard the whistling sun.

It took a further few minutes for Hiro to be fully persuaded, but after a long sigh he finally went, dubiously it would have to be admitted and giving Justine one of the dirtiest looks she had ever received. When she finally deemed it quiet enough to open the door she strode in hair slightly askew, the arms of her white coat pulled high over her elbows and an agitated indignant look running up and down her face.

Kai bit back a smile that surfaced in his lavender eyes.

"Oh, you're awake now are you?" she snapped, moving to the side of the bed and taking a reading from one of the beeping machines, "I hope you enjoy giving us all heart attacks, I'll have you know I have spent the better part of my afternoon bickering with everyone and everything on your behalf."

"Well I'm very sorry to hear that."

"So am I." she snapped, and leant over him, her visage changing vividly as she looked down hard at him, taking into account his pale skin and the dangerous intensity of his eyes, fringed by those impossibly long lashes dancing like black feather across his cheeks each time he blinked, like a child, curiously disarming.

He looked calm, calmer then she had ever seen him before in fact, the bubbling anger that had been simmering away beneath his passive face had died and gone, blowing away as deftly and quickly as a dry brittle leaf in the wind.

"Are you all right Kai?" she asked gently, unsure of what to expect, certainly not that smile, it made her stomach flip and her heart beat a little faster at the clear generosity in those violet eyes.

"I feel fine."

There it was again that gentle tone she wasn't used to, she steadied her thoughts and moved on, "I'm going to send you in for scans first thing tomorrow morning, fortunately I don't think it's had any deteriorating effect on your, ah, mental state. All your blood tests came back normal, well, apart from your adrenaline count, which hit the roof! No wonder you blacked out, any higher and I think you might have been in danger of a heart attack."

He didn't answer for a moment, until a piece of her long hair slipped across her face, resting before her eyes as he reached up, tugging it gently and pushing it back behind her ears in a soothing manner that was so unlike him.

"I think I told him, Justine, about Insomnia."

"Ah," she answered quietly, a peculiar lump caught in her throat, "I thought you might."

"But I didn't," he continued, his eyes glancing up to meet hers, "tell him that you-"

Justine shook her head and closed her dazzling green eyes, pressing her tired fingers against her lips in a threadbare smile, "Thank you Kai." She told him wondering dimly how her eyes had become so bleary.

"And I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, you didn't know."

She laughed grimly against the soft fabric of her coat sleeves as she wiped her eyes, and wondered how it was that today he could be so totally at ease with himself, now she realised why Tala, after sitting for sometime in here with Tyson had made a quick exit with a peculiarly vivid expression of bitterness on his face.

The door swung gently open and Tyson stood half in the room half in the corridor, his expression curious and nervous all at the same time, as his eyes linked with Kai's, a little prickle of electricity seemed to simmer through the space between them.

"I'll go shall I?" Justine asked, more to herself than anyone else, as she was sure they weren't listening, she was smiling again as she left the room and closed the door behind her, everything was falling into place just as she had expected it to do.

"Hey."

"Hey."

The silence that slipped between them here was not so much awkward as intense, for a while neither of them spoke, Tyson sat down by the bed, placed his arms on the rail and leant on it, his high shoulders raised, his head tilted and his mouth compressed, slightly pouting, slightly smiling, slightly sad.

Kai watched him, drinking him in, not caring if he said or did nothing, just to be near was enough, just to see was more than enough.

"You really scared me you know." Tyson breached finally, his eyes not on Kai but the bedcover, "You were talking to me one minute, and then you were gone the next, like smoke just drifting between my outstretched fingers. I didn't know if you were dead, I-I panicked. I really panicked Kai," he laughed, "I didn't know what to do! I was so hopeless!"

"What did you do?" the words where still, silent, almost melodious, his eyes were dark Tyson thought, dark and unclear, almost stormy, the lids partly closed as if in laziness, pupils blacker then a starless sky. His gaze; never moved from his face; it was an intent look, an expression he thought he recognised from years ago on that perfect afternoon.

"I waited, in the dark, with you, for…ages." His own voice seeming to pluck harmonies in the unmoving hush of the room.

"Why didn't you go for help?" Tyson coloured, it seemed now the obvious choice of action to do, instead of waiting endlessly in that cold, ominous room with the walls leaning in like the pillars of a tomb. How stupid it must seem to Kai.

"It didn't occur…I wasn't thinking…I didn't…I-I couldn't leave you there…I couldn't ever leave you…." His voice trailed off and he flushed deeper, right to his toes, consciously aware of the fact that Kai was still looking at him with such intensity in his eyes, that beautiful mouth drawn into such a perfect line and his eyes scrutinising every inch of his face.

"I must sound like such an idiot." he said biting down on his bottom lip and blinking hard, "anyone else would have been much more calm and collected I'm sure. I mean really it was quite a silly-"

"I don't care what anyone else would have done." Kai said suddenly in a pained voice, and leant forwards in one fierce swift motion and kissed Tyson hard, probing his lips open with his tongue as his hands cupped the sides of his face deepening the kiss.

Tyson gasped and felt dizzy, his own body becoming limp and pressing for solid warmth against Kai, laughing a little as they broke apart and not caring for the heated blush in his own cheeks and not seeing the bright sparkle in his own eyes.

"Justine told me I was supposed to make sure you rested."

"I am resting; I'm lying down aren't I?"

"With your eyes closed Kai."

Hiwatari smiled an elusive expression that caught Tyson by surprise and left him breathless and yearning; there was something about the expression that demanded attention, the span and concentration of the mouth and that half lazy expression drifting half lidded, wanting and asking with each passing second.

_I want to tell him, now…_but the words died in his throat, he couldn't break the air of tranquillity with slanders from his own actions, he didn't want to say what Kai already half knew or guessed…from selfishness? Or merely self preservation?

The feeling of guilt washed over him and he pressed his face against Kai's neck, not wanting to see the world, or feel apart from this sensation, bitter and sweet, calm and turbulent, hot and cold.

"I want to tell you…about Insomnia Tyson, I want you to know before this-we-it becomes anymore complicated then it is already."

_Don't tell me now; let me dream a little longer. _

"Rest first Kai."

Tyson wondered if he shut his eyes long enough and wished hard enough if all the unpleasantness of this guilt would all wash away, he drank in Kai's warm smell and let his thoughts fade as if blown by a strong wind.

"Only if you'll still be here when I wake up."

_It might be better if I felt now so you could never look back. _

Hiwatari's eyes were closed when Tyson looked up to answer him, "Of course I'll be here, I'm not leaving you, remember?"

He didn't see the sad smile, or the regret in those blue turbulent oceans.

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A/N sorry this is late, and mostly mush 0o'

Thank you for the reviews! I got some lovely ones which really cheered me up...hmm, before I forget TyKa forever and oooh Tyson (shakes head)...


	11. Internal Abhorrence

-1

Insomnia

By The Eternity Dragon

Disclaimer: …..o..0;

Chapter eleven

Internal Abhorrence

InsomniaInsomniaInsomniaInsomniaInsomnia

Had you seen Tala Valkov walking down the street on that particular clear August evening, you would have had the distinct impression of a person in a very bad mood.

The fact was, he was in a bad mood, he was scowling beneath the black leather of his jacket as he kicked a loose stone across the curb and headed down another corner.

The flow of traffic ebbed past, and the wide black walls of the Legacy building arched into view. A black sub drummed across the broad gravel gateway, stopping at the security gate, the window slipping down to show a young man with deep blue eyes and a frowning disposition.

Tyson…that was the last person on earth he wanted to be reminded of now- Tyson and that…that insipid ooey gooey mushy romantic, abhorrent, sickening air that…

He threw his hands up in the air lost for words as the car rolled past, he saw his reflection flash in the rear view mirror and resisted the temptation to make very rude hand signals.

Justine had been perfectly right of course…he _was _jealous, disgustingly so. Jealous of the way Tyson made Kai smile, laugh, and those looks.

Tala was filled with the overwhelming urge to retch, he felt as if a huge black cloud was sitting directly over his head, bubbling ominously in dark swaths, a few lightening bolts zipping here and there ready to strike at unsuspecting passers by.

He was not in anyway prepared to have his patience tried he thought as he swung through the revolving lobby doors.

He'd go visit Kai and get it over with- and then….

And then what? Do what exactly? Leave him, he stopped, half confused, almost dazed in the middle of the black marble floor- a small portly man carrying a stack of papers bumped into his rigid back and was lost in a shower of white sheets.

Tala didn't notice.

What _would_ he do?

Could he leave Kai?

The answer that came to mind without thinking was no, and yet at the same time logic almost dictated him as a lost necessity. He wasn't needed by Kai at all- he was like an extra hand now- surely if Tyson had…had come back that would mean that Kai would re-unite with the rest of the Blade Breakers. That would mean a string of well wishers and supporters.

That loud mouthed girl for one, and the spectacled boy, the blonde haired kid and Rei, and that awful little squip of a monkey Daichi. What did that mean- to Kai? To him?

Someone tapped him firmly on the shoulder, Tala jumped, looking round bemused as if suddenly becoming acutely aware of his surroundings.

The receptionist was looking at him from beneath her thin brows, her dark eyes seeming to pierce his skull, "Don't just stand there gawping!" she said briskly, prodding him forwards,

"I've had Justine Moore on the phone for the last half and hour asking where the hell you where!"

Tala opened his mouth, with some of the apparent tact of a fish wondering how to talk.

"She's up in the clinical room, past the MRI machine." the receptionist told him tartly, her long red nails clicking, "I suggest you get a move on."

Tala took the long way up, avoiding the elevator and climbing turrets of spiralling stairs that seemed to ascend forever. His mind had gone painfully numb, and his feet every time they hit the hard stone of the steps echoed emptily up into the ceiling, falling down from the walls and collapsing onto him.

He sat down on the top step beside a hallway door and placed his head on his knees, allowing his thoughts to corkscrew into a place of some balance, so coherent thought, faces seemingly swam up in his vision, all laughing, all smiling at him. Kai with that very peaceful look on his face, sleeping whilst Tyson half dozing held his hand, his baseball cap half falling down his face.

A little knot of ice had formed down at the bottom of Tala's gut; and he looked down the steep flight before him, and wondered if he just ought to jump now.

There was a clack of high heels somewhere behind him, Tala looked round and then realised a too late as the door swung open and collided with the back of his head. He went toppling forwards, and explosion of white stars showering before his eyes and a hot wrenching pain went flying through his head.

"What are you doing here you idiot!" Justine Moore asked with perplexed annoyance, her hands on her hips, "I told you not to leave!"

"I just," Tala began, blinking salty tears of pain out of his eyes, but she cut in before he could finish.

"Tala, are you crying?"

"I AM NOT!" Tala shouted very loudly and standing straight up, the world spinning unpleasantly in multicoloured bubbles.

"Oh, I should have been more considerate, I forgot in all the rush I'm sorry, do you want a tissue?"

The apparent concern in her voice made matters even worse, he flapped her hands away scowling ferociously, "I do not want your god damned tissue!" he snarled, "I'm FINE alright, just fine!"

There was a long pause, in which Justine assessed him critically from under her dark blonde lashes.

"I want you to talk to Kai." she said opening the door to the hallway and walking off in the opposite direction towards the MRI room.

"No!" Tala shouted after her, but she took no notice, she merely swung her long blonde her and clipped down the dark corridor and the door swung shut.

"Justine no!" he repeated loudly coming after her, "I don't want to talk to Kai with….with Tyson there!

"Tyson's not there at the moment." Justine told him curtly, sticking her head out from another dark doorway, "he's getting some tests done so I can assess how to improve the Meds I'm giving Kai."

"How will I help then?" Tala barked angrily at her, his hands firmly entrenched in his pockets as he kicked the door open.

"I want you to talk to him, see how he is," she raised her brows at Tala's non-plussed expression, her lips pursed, "Consolidate him you eegit!"

Tala's mouth moved like a fish again, for some reason he was very uncomfortable with the idea of confronting Kai.

"I don't want to." he put bluntly, "I think I might upset him. Besides you said he was fine. "

Justine narrowed her eyes, "Have you ever looked up the word 'denial' in a dictionary Tala? There's a very handsome picture of you there."

Tala felt his temple bubble ominously, "Yeah well, it-it gets me though things all right!"

"Besides, why can't Tyson?"

"Because, Tyson doesn't- well he doesn't know how to look for signs of, you know." There was a slight darkness in Justine's eyes that glittered for a moment, under the flickering light Tala noticed for the first time how very pale she looked, almost ethereal, her glassy eyes seemingly peering right down into his soul.

"He collapsed Tala, and I want to know why, I want to know if he's- if he's getting worse, like you did." her voice trailed off.

The silence spiralled horribly.

"Fine." Tala muttered, staring at his shoes, "I'll go, but as soon as Tyson comes in I'm off, do you hear?" he stuck out his tongue and turned around, his eyes glancing over the dark panelled room 'MRI' room the sign read.

"Hey how come you don't stick me in there anymore?" he asked, "you used to all the time when I was a kid."

"You your common sense Valkov!" Justine snapped, rolling her eyes and clipping out of the room and down the corridor, "The MRI machine is a huge magnet, if I did that your internal organs would be sticking to the roof of it."

She grinned at the expression on his face, "Outside your body of course."

InsomniaInsomniaInsomniaInsomniaInsomniaInsomnia

"Tala?" Kai said in some surprise getting up from the windowsill on which he had been sitting, "Where did you go? You've been gone for hours."

Tala stood by the door, his fingers lingering on the handle, his expression carefully closed, as he shut it behind him.

"I needed to do…stuff." he told his lavender eyed friend ambiguously, he strode to the opposite side of the room and sat in the chair furthest away from Kai, and didn't look at him, suddenly becoming avidly interested with the fan on the ceiling.

Hiwatari blinked at him, the skin on his hands was marred slightly from where he had been clenching his fists, grooves cutting into the pale skin, bright and scarlet.

"I told Tyson, you know- well, I told him…most of it."

His words fell into a discontented atmosphere, "I didn't tell him that it was…Justine, you know. I didn't tell him that because I didn't think he'd understand that it's different now."

Tala gave a very short bark of a laugh, still looking up at the fan, his grey eyes stormy.

"No, I'm sure he'd understand why she had a good old poke inside our brains!" he snapped sounding more aggressive than he meant to, "Good old Boris eh? Always happy to produce break throughs in the scientific field, just don't expect him to pick up the pieces."

Kai didn't say anything, his hands where on the sill behind him, his beautiful slanted eyes looking at Tala without anger, without fear, without sadness, without even that wall of coldness that he had become very used to.

It made him infuriatingly angry, beyond words in fact, not angry at Kai however, but with himself, with himself for even feeling like this. For the audacity to…hate this happiness even when he tried to convince himself that is what he wanted. That is why he had called Tyson for this- this irrefutable happiness.

"Tala- it was a mistake, that's all, it just went so badly wrong." there was an even solidarity in his tone that made Tala's stomach flip over.

"Oh yeah, sure, that's why I nearly died! A mistake, yeah right, hey Justine get out of my temporal lobe! That's why nearly all of my internal organs shut down, why I thought I was going mad, why I heard all those voices! It was all a mistake."

He was shouting now, on his feet, his hands shaking, shouting at the top of his voice,

"They had to stick me back together again, I'm not even fully human Kai! They- re-animated me, like some sort of pet project at the abbey, some sort of plaything Boris could- could toy around with, some half cyborg mutant kid without any parents. Yeah, it was all a mistake. And you, god knows, we can only be lucky now, maybe you'll just die and not have to go through the indignity that I went through!"

His composure was gone, he was breathing heavily, he wanted Kai to stop looking at him like that, like he was hurt, the way his eyes fell down as if he didn't know what he wanted to say…like he was vulnerable under all that.

"God screw you!" he snarled, kicking the chair halfway across the room where it clattered lying in a lump on the floor, "I liked you better when you where miserable!"

He marched over to the door, blinded by the perpetual whirlwind flying around inside of him, his fingers on the cold brass knob and then:

"I'm sorry."

Very quiet, almost beneath a whisper, but audible, there seemed to be shafts of ice moving through his stomach, his breath seemingly gone from his lungs.

Kai's hand touched the skin of his forearm where it seemed to burn into his skin.

"I'm selfish putting you through all of this, I'm so very selfish Tala, you don't know how much I've leant on you, how…fond of you I am."

Tala looked up at the ceiling again, not facing Kai, it had certainly become very difficult to breath, the fan swam oddly for some reason, and there was a lump constricting in his throat as he thought of the word 'fond'.

"I just don't think about how it effects _you_."

"No," he said quietly, "you don't know how it…." but he was unable to finish his sentence, his mind was still with the hand resting on his wrist.

"I thought maybe, you and I…"

"Kai," Tala asked, his eyes shut, "are you meeting the rest of them."

"The rest of who Tala?"

"The rest of…of the Blade Breakers?" he kept his voice quiet, without the strain he was feeling.

"Tyson mentioned something incoherently about it," Kai frowned as Tala stiffened.

"Why?"

"I have to go."

"Now? But you've been gone for hours, I wanted to ask you something."

Tala opened his eyes and looked steadily at the door knob, and repeated, "I have to _go _Kai."

"I don't understand…" But before Tala could open his mouth to say anything else the door was pulled open before him, Tyson stood, looking at them in surprise, half a burger clasped in his hand.

"Oh," he said Looking from Kai to Tala with his deep blue eyes, "Is this a bad time?"

"Oh just a little!" Kai snapped very sarcastically, "I thought you where going for tests."

"I was," Tyson snapped back indignantly, "I got hungry."

"You're a pig!"

"When I want your opinion Kai, I'll ask for it!" Tyson told him disdainfully.

"It's not an opinion Tyson, it's human observation."

Tala shrugged Kai's hand off and shouldered his way out of the room, Tyson stepping out of the way nimbly as he stormed past furious, making towards the elevator.

There was a shout from Kai, but Tala didn't look back, he ran off down the corridor and turned the corner, jabbing furiously at the panel of buttons.

The doors slid smoothly open and he was about to step inside when someone jogged up behind him, sticking his foot before the sliding door and preventing them from closing.

"Hey Tala," Tyson said, "don't be like that, come on back, I wanted to talk to you."

Tala turned and gave Tyson the look of the purest, deepest loathing.

The high shouldered youth took a step backwards, a sudden comprehension dawning in those bottomless eyes, his felicitous lips parted slightly, as if in shock.

"I don't think so, do you Tyson?" Tala said coldly, in low almost mocking tones, the doors began slide shut.

"Because I really quite despise you."

InsomniaInsomniaInsomniaInsomniaInsomniaInsomnia

A/N Sorry guys for making you wait! I've been reading all your wonderful reviews, thanks a lot for the helpful criticism and the erh…not so helpful criticism…I just wanted to explain to one very 'helpful' reviewer, that I don't in fact believe any of the Beyblade character cast is ahem 'gay' in that sense. I think a person can be in love with someone of the same sex without being 'gay', I happen to have a strong feeling that Kai is in fact bi- so I try to write him that way, (I hope it shows).

I really enjoy writing Insomnia- thank God I think I have a little more clarity in my work now, hopefully this chapter gave you obvious clues to what is going on. Oh god Tala…why do you write yourself so?

Long wait? Explanation? XD My laptop was stolen away from me by my 'loving' father and I have A levels next week (this is my break that I am sacrificing for you BE HAPPY!)

So I made them get a new computer for my writing, and now I'm sitting here writing this.

Enjoy because I write angst- and I love it too!


	12. If I had thought

Insomnia

By The Eternity Dragon

Disclaimer: …..o..0;

Chapter 12

To nav.love who had the audacity to tell me to just get up and write. Thanks a lot for that.

If I had thought

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_**He never mentioned that to me, and I never noticed, not even once.**_

Kai had been sitting in his bedroom alone for what seemed like hours until the door opened, quietly, letting a little sliver of light in from the hallway slide across the wall and onto the bed. He didn't open his eyes, he was too exhausted, his mind was spinning horribly, as it always does when one is full of conflicting thoughts. Half a mind here, half a mind there, and all he seemed to think about was what Tala had said.

"I have to go."

In that voice, had he done something, said something? Was it selfish of himself to not want Tala to leave? Of course it was, but that didn't stop the fact that he didn't want him to go, nor did it lessen the pain on his chest.

The door closed again, and he heard light footsteps across the room, he thought he knew whose the footsteps where, and beneath the wrist that he had draped over his eyes, so that the glare from the artificial light outside his window could not burn itself behind his closed lids, he smiled.

Someone leaned over him, light breath tickling his skin, and then warm lips where on his own mouth, sunshine sweet and heady, and he smiles. Like he's been smiling since this morning, and then the mouth moves away and pressure is moved onto his lower abdomen and hips as he moves his arms from his face and looks up into those dark blue eyes, as he knew he would be.

Tyson is looking at him, his blithe mouth, half playful, twisting slightly with another emotion he can't quite explain, as though he's jealous.

"You've been smoking." The high shouldered youth tells him, stretching like a Cat, fingers moving slowly up to his neck and resting firmly on his shoulders.

Kai remains where he is, lazy, regarding Tyson through heavy lidded eyes,

"I was smoking out on the balcony; I don't think you can smell it in here, Tala always tells me off when smoke. So I do it secretly."

"You can't smell it," Tyson told him, straddling his hips, he thought there was a dark look in his eyes as he said it, "but I can taste it in your mouth, it's bitter."

Kai smiled, "Well, Tala never kissed me, so that's how I guess I got away with it."

**_And it makes me jealous, so very jealous I think I might be sick with it. Even when I have no right to be._**

Tyson in voluntarily narrowed his eyes, and his mouth for a moment held the thought that was lingering on his mind, before he corrected it, making it smooth and hollow again.

"I don't like smoking." Tyson told him; he was leaning down, the entire slim length of his body pressed against Kai's, warm and solid, and he bit back a moan that seemed to be throbbing at the back of his throat.

"But I like the taste." And he kissed him again, but deeper and more urgent this time.

**_I want to be the only one who thinks of you in this way. _**

It starts out like this, and moves on, almost sleepily at first, their hands are warm and playing with each others, tangled in their hair and Kai splays those long fingers against the back of Tyson's neck, angling the kiss as his heart begins to race inside his chest. Oh, how he's so tired of waiting, and how he's wanted, and how this is so much fuller then anything he ever thought of by himself.

Tyson is smiling against his neck, he can feel it, those lips trailing down to his collar bone, hot and raw, and there's more laughter, and it's silly that they haven't done it before, because they've both been waiting. But Kai thinks that perhaps they've been waiting for too long, as his hand brushed against the naked skin of Tyson's torso, he can feel the stomach muscles clench and contract beneath his feather light touch. And they've moved, Tyson is beneath him now, legs entwined with his, their breath has become shorter now more erratic and Kai wonders how it is that the shirt that Tyson was wearing is now halfway up to his shoulders, and how his own torso is now naked and lit limn in the light from outside. He can only see the outline and the shadows on their bodies, and as he bends again, meeting that urgent, hungry mouth which opens like a flower beneath his own, and he takes it in, biting and sucking, and feels his body rise towards him, needing like himself. And it is beautiful, and he does wonder as the whisper thin fabric moves so easily over Tyson's head, why there is something pressing so urgently against his mind.

_**I am jealous, because now I know with out a doubt. That this can only be a replica of what came before. To you, this is not unique. I know I am selfish for just thinking this- but now I know.**_

Tyson's head is tilted back, and his eyes are closed as Kai moves down lower, there is a feeling building up there, and his fingers dig into the soft skin of Kai's back, behind the shoulder blades, he wants it there, harder not softer, and he's saying things with his mouth that he can't understand. Emotions and feelings turned into words and noises, he tilts his hips higher, against Kai, against that place. And he feels Kai's mouth in the darkness against his own, suppressing that moan. He wants to feel helpless, but he can't, he's greedy, like a child with hands that beg for more. He can tell Kai wants it slow, but he doesn't, he doesn't think he can stand it slow again-not again, not with Kai. When he opens his eyes, this might not be real and he'll be dreaming again, and this is someone else like it has been so many times.

It becomes raw after that, the hot kisses become fierce, biting, sweet and bitter, everywhere, he wants him everywhere, but that's not enough, and he's groaning into his mouth, but he doesn't want it there, he wants it lower. And his head is thrown back now. Oh, oh, oh, don't stop, don't stop.

There is sweat across both their hips, and Tyson reaches forwards, his hands fumbling, neither of them is laughing and his heart like a bird fluttering inside his ribcage.

Kai's mouth, the whole length of that beautiful mouth, is against his ear, and his tongue, lithe and tasting the salt of his skin. As Tyson's fingers unfasten the catch of his trousers, trembling. And there's that predatory, dominating feeling as he pushes him down again beneath him, and feels his whole body quiver in that high expectation as the night air flutters against their bare skin.

And then…and then…a sharp intake of breath, oh fuck, **_fuck_** it hurts! As he moves, as everything moves. And he's wondering, as there are legs about his shoulders, and he's thinking, in bubbles that explode into thoughts. He doesn't think he's breathing enough, but it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter when the laughter went, Kai can't remember, he can't remember ever feeling like this, the pain, and the pleasure, he can't tell which is which. Did he always want this? Right from the first time he saw him? When did it happen? The noise seems to hang, tremulous in the still air, and Kai finds himself pressing his lips onto the pair beneath him, sharing in their urgency and consolidating. And he's arching against him, saying his name over and over, like a mantra, like a prayer, and they can't stop, and he can feel it too, and he wants it, oh he wants it.

Oh how he wanted it.

And then.

And then…

Kai is sleeping, and it's warm, and their limbs are entwined, and Tyson is pressing his nose against his chest, his ear against his ribcage listening to his heart beat, slow and rhythmic. His own is still fast, fluttering like a bird as he thinks, as he has been thinking for the last half an hour ever since he woke up. Hiwatari moves in his sleep, his eyebrows knitting in a slight frown, hair sticky with sweat is draped across his forehead, and he looks like a child, vulnerable, only wanting to be loved.

For the first time Tyson isn't sure of what he wants, he looks at Kai with his deep, bottomless eyes, and pushes the smoky strands away from the clear, smooth skin. Kai doesn't wake up, he won't wake up, he's too deeply asleep to wake up.

Maybe it's that which makes his heart ache in this peculiar manner, something he told himself he'd never let happen again, maybe he's delirious and perhaps that's why he's bending his head to kiss that perfect mouth just one more time, just to make sure this is real. It must be a reaction to the smoke or something that's making his head spin and toes curl up when he breathes in that musky, bitter sweet smell of Kai's neck. That must be the reason why he's feathering Kai's face in those whisper light kisses, over his eyes with those long lashes, on his cheeks, his perfectly straight nose, and his temple. Even though he knows he won't wake up, and that this won't lead to some sexual act. It is the first time he has done something like that. There must be a first time for everything.

Kai is smiling in his sleep, his breathing still slow and heavy, and as Tyson lies there, thinking, maybe, maybe this might work, if they take unhurried steps, that maybe, despite what he thought, it hadn't ever been that way. And that, if he keeps it from Kai, what Kai doesn't know will never hurt him. After all, who would tell?

He'll try, he'll try because he _wants_ this, he **_wants it_** so badly.

It is as Tyson falls asleep that the nightmare begins, and Kai, who is mumbling something, frowning again, his fingers, flexing and unflexing against Tyson's shoulder, says, in a distinct, hurt, lonely, _needing_ voice, "Tala, Tala no!"

There is a pause, endless and limitless, in which Tyson opens his eyes and regards the wall, relentless and carefully, gradually he can feel a part of himself inside begin to harden against his resolve.

A part of him he cannot take back.

_**Through out all of this, I had never foreseen the intervention of you, Tala Valkov.**_

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A/N I felt terrible after writing this to give you such a short chapter- but hopefully the smut make up for it on that part. I have to say, things, are now (for me at least) beginning to look interesting, as, here my complicated interrelationships are really going to kick in.

I apologise for grammatical errors, I'll look at this tomorrow and probably go "Ugh!" and re-structure it, but I'm too tired now and I want to get this posted. God fanfictioning always makes me want to fan art afterwards….Soriku in particular (;


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