Rurouni Kenshin 1. The Shadow Of A Revolution

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: Er.. yeah...  
  
Ok people, some of you know this already, but I'm going to explain again. Long story short, I yanked my own fics because my parents found them and were going to read them. But I'm back! So enjoy! I'm leaving the A/Ns as theare, because I think it captures my emotions at the time and explains some of the story, whatever.  
  
A/N: Prepare to see Kenshin as you've most likely never seen him. Dark, bloodthirsty, semi-mortal (hey, I write what I know!), and on a mission to rain some doom. By the way, you'll hopefully note that he only has one part of his trademark scar. I decided that, for my purposes, Tomoe never existed in his life. It has to do with trust and love later on, and I couldn't properly work her into this. Nothing against her! Don't hate me Tomoe fans! She just didn't fit in with the plot I'm going to *try* to work.  
  
*****  
  
Chapter One: The Shadow of a Revolution  
  
Darkness shrouded the city as the moon sank into oblivion, but the sun had yet to yield its brilliance to the sky. A distant figure standing on the horizon, where the sun would rise to burn away the frost, was discernable by few eyes, yet was there. The chill wind that whipped through the night air blew crimson silk into the visage of the lone man, temporarily extinguishing the burning fire of his terrifying amber eyes, his loose clothing waving gently and quietly about his svelte body.   
  
Hitokiri Battousai. Once the greatest assassin of the Bakumatsu. A scowl crossed his face. What had happened to those days? When he was free to kill and feel the macabre exhilaration of spilling human blood with nothing but his bare hands and his swords. It had been so much simpler in those times, the law of the land was to slaughter or be slaughtered. Women had flocked to him, not knowing what he was, but loving his look and his reputation. They were always like that, thinking they could tame a beast that fed on blood and the trill of the hunt. He laughed, inaudibly and coldly, at the memory. Fools, all of them had been. But he had taken them. Never for more than a night, but he had taken them. Human pleasures were not to be missed out on, not for the Battousai. He had always gotten what he wished at his mere whim. Who would dare deny him with the choice between life and death staring them in the face?  
  
And now he was here, staring at the sleeping city of Tokyo. He wasn't sure why he had come here, what it was that had led his feet down this path, but he liked the feel of the place. It had an overall wholesome feel, but there was enough darkness around the edges to wreck havoc and have his fun.  
  
Sometimes he wondered for what he did this, why he continued traveling city to city, killing and partaking in the blood of those he deemed worthless or innocent enough to have. It was a useless existence, friendless, lonely, and broken. But he remembered that he had no other choice. Perhaps he was just waiting for another revolution, or any type of war that he could slip into. There really was no other place for him. Doomed to live until he died by the hand of another, which he refused to allow, or his own hand, which he sometimes considered, he wandered the world desultory.  
  
The sun would rise soon. It was best to find some place of shelter when that happened; he was so very feared now. He decided that the time was not yet quite right to cause large-scale panic and chaos, although in the end that was his ultimate purpose. But where could he possibly go if he was feared by all?  
  
"I will not spend a single more night sleeping in the cold open air," he said to himself resolutely. "There must be somewhere." But in his heart he knew that he was lying to himself; it was entirely to much to even hope that one single person did not know his name and his physical description. Sure, he could threaten them, but he was in no mood to start the reign of terror this very night. A long journey had taken its toll even on him. He sighed. "I hate this..."  
  
Sinking to the ground gracefully, he closed his eyes and begin to meditate. A few moments later, he opened his eyes to display a rich violet hue. Silently, his hand trailed up to his left cheek. Could he hide the scar? It was so obvious, the single line that marred his otherwise perfect features. And his hair, it was out of place, as well.  
  
"Perhaps I can find one mortal who believes I've been reformed and will take me in for a short time."  
  
He glanced at the katana and wakizashi that hung at his side. Those would never do for a repentant samurai-turned-wanderer. Only a complete imbecile would be able to overlook the weapons he carried at his side, but he would never let them go. They meant more to him than anything had in some time, he had nothing else of value to him. With another soft sigh, he stood and turned to walk into the city, determined to find some place where there was a soul trusting enough to let him in.  
  
***  
  
He knocked upon the door of the first place he came to, but they took one look at him, politely excused themselves, and shut the door slowly; he listened intently and heard shuffling and things being used to barricade the door. A smirk drew across his face, amused in spite of himself. That smirk would quickly wear off as he scoured the city for somewhere suitable, choosing to try the places that looked most desperate. After the first home, he remembered to threaten a slow, painful death to any who might disclose the fact that he was in town.   
  
It seemed useless after an hour. There was no place for a monster like him. Sometimes he wished he were human, or at least that he had never become a manslayer. Though he loved what he did, and was addicted to the sound of human screams and the smell and taste of blood, it often occurred to him that it might be worth it to give these things up for the convenience of being able to walk down the street in broad daylight.  
  
'This is the last place I stop before I give up and return to the forest,' he told himself as he approached the gate of a dojo. He stopped to read the sign. 'Kamiya Kasshin. Unfamiliar.' He raised a fist to pound on the gate before remembering that he was supposedly reformed, and stopped himself. Settling for knocking, he waited somewhat patiently until a raven-haired, sleepy looking girl stood before him. She seemed to snap awake when she took in his appearance. No words let her mouth, and she simply stared at him.  
  
'Polite, remember, be polite.' "I'm terribly sorry. It is very late, that it is," he said slowly. 'I sound like a yellow bastard.' He paused before continuing. "But I've had no luck in finding somewhere to stay, that I haven't, and I was wondering if you would not be terribly inconvenienced to house me for a few days, or even just tonight." 'That I haven't? What the hell...?'  
  
The girl, he noted that she was very beautiful, maybe he would have her before he left, looked shocked, to say the very least. "I... uh..." she stammered, searching for words. "Aren't you?" Her eyes dropped to her hands which she was twisting in front of her, obviously completely anxious at the situation.  
  
"Hitokiri Battousai?" he finished for her. "I was, but of late I have seen how much wrong there was in that path, that I have." 'Now I sound like an idiot.'  
  
"Oh!" she exclaimed, it seemed involuntary. "Then I suppose... it would be alright. We have a spare room, and, well, actually, I don't have any students right now, due to circumstances, but, oh never mind. Please come in." She stepped aside to let him pass, and when she couldn't see him, his eyes flashed amber and his lips drew into a smirk once more.  
  
She showed him down the hall where there was an empty room that she said he could stay in for as long as he liked. A slight smile lit her face brilliantly; it did her justice, he decided. He listened to her instructions on where to find a spare futon, and then bid her a courteous goodnight. As he unrolled the futon and laid down, he suddenly stopped.  
  
'What am I doing?' he thought. 'A futon? Still, this girl seems harmless enough, and it most likely wouldn't hurt to spend one night in comfort. I'm due that much at least. As long as I'm on my guard.'  
  
***  
  
Battousai awoke the next morning after getting only a few hours of sleep. He required no more than that, and he always liked to be the first up, a habit he'd developed over the years. Reaching out with his senses, he decided that there was no one here but himself and the girl. This was good, he thought. Had there been anyone else, it would make it more difficult to conceal his presence and still maintain his feigned penitence. A low growl rumbled in his throat; he wasn't planning on keeping up that particular charade for very long, especially not if he had a chance to get at that girl.  
  
He shook of the last vestiges of sleep and stood, drawing his messy hair back up into the top knot that it had been so used to for many years. Though he hadn't been shown about, he easily found the kitchen and set about finding himself something to eat. At a second thought, he pulled out more food items and began making breakfast for the both of them, determining that it would be helpful to his renewed innocence act. Was this girl gullible enough to believe him?  
  
'Ah, here she comes now,' he told himself as he heard her muffled footsteps coming down the hall.  
  
The shoji slid open to reveal the girl, he hadn't gotten her name the previous night, standing in her thin yukata with her hair spilling gracefully down her shoulders and back. Battousai sucked in a quick breath, she truly was a beauty. It took all of his willpower not to drag her back to his room at that very instant. She locked eyes with him, and looked very surprised to see him in her kitchen. A slender hand flew to her mouth as she remembered and a light blush stained her cheeks. She looked as if she were about to speak, but he cut her off smoothly.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't get the chance to ask your name last night, that I didn't," he said, restraining from wincing at the ridiculous formality he was forcing upon himself.  
  
"Kamiya," she said quietly. "Kamiya Kaoru."  
  
He gave her a smile intended to melt her heart and entice her to know more. "That's a very lovely name, that it is."  
  
Her blush darkened. "And you? Is there something you'd prefer to be called over Battousai, sir?"  
  
"Himura Kenshin."  
  
***  
  
He sat with his arms in the laundry basin, wondering just how he'd gotten himself into this situation. Mentally, he slapped himself for offering to do the chore; he'd always hated laundry. It was beneath him to do such women's work; he threw the soapy clothes back into the basin with a splash and untied the sleeves of his black colored gi. The laundry could do itself for all he cared. Kaoru noticed this from where she was sweeping the porch.  
  
"Kenshin? Is something wrong?" she questioned, worry momentarily clouding her azure eyes.  
  
"Yes, Kaoru, there is," he replied. Up until this point he had addressed her with formality, this point didn't slip past her observation.  
  
"Well? What is it?"  
  
"This isn't who I am, and I refuse to do your worthless laundry."  
  
Kaoru's eyes widened. 'This isn't who I am? How could I be so trusting? This man obviously isn't atoning for his sins; he never gave them up in the first place.'  
  
Slowly, he stood and ambled lazily toward her, stalking her as if she were his prey. She seemed rooted in place, and didn't even flinch when he placed a sword-calloused hand under her chin and tilted her head so that his full-amber eyes could gaze down into her inquiring blue ones. 'She's stronger than she lets on, I'll have fun with this one.'  
  
"You may call me Battousai," he purred. "Only you, my lovely. Consider yourself lucky."  
  
Her tongue darted out to sweep across her suddenly dry lips, and he noticed immediately, raising his other hand to trace the contour of her lips with two fingers. The emphatic smirk that was so characteristic of him once more graced his countenance as he felt her trembling beneath his fingertips.  
  
"How old are you?" he asked softly, his voice dark and full of longing.  
  
"Seventeen," she replied in a voice that threatened to fail her, he could sense her weakening.  
  
"Then you are not so much younger than me," he said with a lascivious grin.  
  
She choked a bit. "H-How... old are you?" she questioned haltingly.  
  
"Only twenty, darling, only twenty." These words didn't seem to reassure her, if anything, she grew more tense. But he could perceive the fire that ran through her veins, she felt the same thing he did. He would give her time, he liked this one. Removing his hands so swiftly that she, being caught off-guard, stumbled back until she made contact with the wall, he went once more into the yard, making for the river to do a bit of thinking before he came back for her.  
  
"Finish your chores, lovely, I'll be back soon."  
  
*****  
  
A/N: I return! Well, technically, I was never actually gone, as I haven't finished Baptism of Blood yet, but oh well. This idea was in my head saying "If you don't write me, I'll spear you with a pointy stick labeled Mr. Roboto!" so of COURSE I wrote it. Anyhow, I'm supposedly reading Lord of the Flies (which I was supposed to have finished a week ago) so I have to finish the other half of the book. Review please, and let me know what you think, and where you'd like to see this go. I'm thinking I see lemony waters ahead... 


	2. The Fire Within

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: I know I died that night, and I'll never be brought back to life once again, I know.  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Two: The Fire Within  
  
Battousai sat by the river, watching as the crystalline water rippled with the cold winter wind. It mirrored the confusion in his mind, the feeling of not knowing how he felt. It was so foreign to him. The sky was beginning to cloud over, he noted, there would be heavy rain, maybe even snow if the temperature dropped a bit more. He didn't mind the light mist that slowly crept upon him as he remained motionless, it was as much his friend as the darkness and night had always been. What bothered him was the woman, Kamiya Kaoru, and the effect she had on him. How was it that when she was near, he could see nothing but her face and figure, he could smell nothing but her scent, he could sense nothing but her warmth. And it was infuriating to him that he wanted naught but to get nearer to that warmth and be swallowed whole by it.   
  
"Damn that woman, anyhow," he thought aloud. "I don't need a woman. I'll have my fun with her and I'll leave, like always. She's no different."  
  
Something deep inside him screamed in protest of his own words. But he refused to believe that she was different. It was impossible, he had no weaknesses and a woman would certainly never become his only flaw. Absently, his hand strayed up to the scar that crossed his left cheek. His second flaw, then. Not wanting to think about it any longer, he stood and made his way through the shroud of mist that hid his path back to the dojo. It wasn't a difficult task for one such as him, but he took his time, wanting the few extra moments to contemplate just what he was going to do to the girl.  
  
He approached at a leisurely pace, taking his time. Inside, his mind reeled, his senses flaming from being so near to her. This feeling that crept over him was unfamiliar to him, and he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Eventually he decided that it was best to ignore it, and smiled slowly as he silently made his way into the dojo, where he could hear her practicing with a wooden sword. The very idea amused him, a wooden sword was useless, good for nothing but fanciful ideals and, later, broken lives and homes. A sword was a weapon created to kill, nothing more and nothing less than that simple duty.   
  
She was all fire and spirit as she practiced; he watched her openly, silent admiration lingering behind the evident desire in his eyes. The way her body moved, it was hard restraining himself from taking her right there. His gaze came to rest upon a stray tendril that caressed her face much in the way his hands were begging him to do. The delicate, fragile creature that he'd thought her to be was an image that quickly vanished as he continued to observe her. She stopped momentarily and glanced his way, where he hid in the shadow of a corner; he'd been caught. Her wooden sword clattered to the ground and she shrank away from him. But for every step backward she took, he took two towards her, until he caught her shoulders in a casual, yet tight grip.  
  
"What do..." He silenced her with a chaste kiss, nothing more than a quick pressing of his lips against hers. He growled as she tensed and tried to pull away. "What do you want?" she finished her question; his hold on her tightened.  
  
"I think we both know the answer to that, lovely," he said, words rumbling deep in his chest, she could feel it from where she was crushed to him. She gazed warily at him. "I want you."  
  
She was inclined to tell him that he couldn't have her, but her voice caught as his lips fell to her throat, trailing warm, wet kisses from her pulse-point up the side of her neck to just below her ear. She moaned faintly and he grinned at this while he nipped lightly at her ear.  
  
"No," she whispered, fighting against her rebellious body. "Please, don't."  
  
The smirk fell from his face and he pulled away just enough to look in her eyes. Suddenly, it became his objective to seduce her rather than to simply claim her. She seemed afraid, did she think he would hurt her? That was reasonable, if he had his way she would be screaming in pain by the time he was through with her. But who was to say that pain wouldn't be pleasurable as well? He knew, at least, that it would be to him, if not her. Why should that be of importance to him?  
  
'Ah, she's a virgin, I would guess,' he thought. "Do I frighten you, pretty?" She shook her head and then nodded. "Well? Which is it, darling? If you're scared, I won't do anything. Not for now anyway."  
  
Her head tilted to the side of its own accord. Did she not believe him? If nothing else, he was honorable to his word. He may have had a way with twisting what he said to make it seem as if he were promising exactly the opposite, but he did not lie. He manipulated and cheated, yes, but he refused to become a liar.  
  
"Are you or are you not afraid?" he repeated himself.  
  
"Yes," she said so quietly that he nearly didn't catch her words.   
  
"Well then, my little virgin, I'll let you have a few nights to contemplate," he replied with a feigned air of generosity. He dropped his voice to a lower register, his words coming out husky and just a shade away from a whisper. "I know you want me just as much as I want you. Don't deny yourself."  
  
After giving her one more burning kiss, he let her go and left the dojo as swiftly and silently as he had entered. Kaoru stood rooted in place for a moment, letting her fingers trail over her lips absently. Without picking up the wooden sword that she'd dropped, she walked out of the dojo and headed for her room in a daze.  
  
***  
  
Kaoru's hands shook as she removed her training gi and hakama. What had that man done to her? Her head pounded and she could still feel the sensation of his lips on her. Involuntarily, her hand flew to her neck as she remembered with startling clarity the warmth of his soft tongue on her neck. She shook her head, raven tresses scattering about her, as they were now loose.  
  
'I must stop,' she reprimanded herself mentally. 'I must not think of him. And most of all, I must get him out of my home.'  
  
But she couldn't stop thinking of him, he was on her mind as she slipped into a yukata, as she ran her comb through her hair, and as she unrolled her futon. She had a feeling it would be a very long night for her.  
  
***  
  
"Dammit," Battousai cursed softly into the darkness. "I was so close. What was I thinking? Who cares about seduction if I can have her now?"  
  
He stood from where he was sitting in the corner and began pacing the long wall of the room, frustration beginning to build upon him. Why couldn't he have her now? He could simply go to her room, couldn't he? A lazy smile etched itself onto his face; why not?  
  
Sliding the shoji open, he strode purposefully yet quietly into the hall, heading for where he knew Kaoru's room to be. When he stood in front of her shoji, he stopped, feeling for her ki and listening for her breathing. She was asleep. Good. Taking care to make as little noise as possible, he slid her shoji open and stepped inside, shutting it silently behind him. A small patch of moonlight and his keen eyesight allowed him to see her there, sleeping restlessly. He couldn't help but notice the troubled look on her face as she tossed and turn. His face creased into a frown, what could one so young and innocent as her possibly have to be worried about? That is, besides himself? Somehow, he could sense that he wasn't the cause of her nightmares. He'd always had particular skill for reading people, and he'd sharpened the natural facility to near perfection over the span of several decades.  
  
Battousai knelt by her side, brushing some of the hair from her face with a featherlike touch. He grimaced. If only the Ishin Shishi could see him now, brooding on the well-being of this useless human girl. His thoughts were interrupted when she began mumbling senselessly; he strained to make out any words. Understanding nothing but "Father," "please," and an emphatic "no," he impulsively reached out and took her hand. Kaoru jolted awake at the contact and was amazed and frightened to find the Battousai kneeling next to her and holding her hand. Her eyes widened, she had been having a nightmare, was he comforting her?  
  
  
  
"I'd prefer not to talk about it," she said softly, tears staining her cheeks.  
  
Battousai glared coldly at her. "I don't recall asking," he hissed, standing abruptly.  
  
"I'm sorry," Kaoru replied faintly, turning to her other side and fixing her gaze on the far wall. She didn't want to upset him more.  
  
"Good," he said shortly, and left the room without further conversation.  
  
***  
  
Battousai sat with his back to the wall, softly beating his head against it. 'Why the hell did I do that?'  
  
He sighed roughly and brought his right knee up, shutting his eyes forcefully. Determined to get at least some rest, he regulated his breathing until he slipped into a light slumber. His was not a mind to be plagued by the mortal trouble of nightmares, he relished in each vision splayed before his closed eyes. It was all darkness and massacre, victims falling to his blades in so many horrifying and gruesomely delighting ways. The more twisted and crumpled the body was, the more broken their skeletons were, and the more blood that flowed across the scorched earth, the more pleased he was with what he saw.  
  
But these were only paper-thin illusions that brought him joy when he was just barely asleep. Although it was not unnatural for those of his kind to revel in slumber, most of whom preferred the realm of fantasy to that of reality, he rarely ever actually let himself fall into a deep sleep. Battousai was an assassin, or perhaps even more than that, and there was no allowance in his profession for such foolishness; he knew that the moment he let his guard slip so far was the moment that his life was forfeit. And if he was going to die, it was going to be by his own hand, and not until he'd had his fill of this world and was ready to move on to dream in silence. He refused to be taken down by the filth of the human race, they were so far beneath him.  
  
A few hours of imagery, tearing flesh and pooling blood, he allowed himself, until his eyes snapped open, alert and ready, at the sound of soft, padding footsteps in the hall outside his room. His entire body tensed in that moment, prepared for whatever might come next. His hand snaked instinctively toward his katana, but the feeling that he wouldn't need it pressed upon him.  
  
'She couldn't possibly be here,' he thought. 'Why would she do such a thing?'  
  
His senses, however, told him otherwise. These were steps that he'd memorized almost immediately after the first time he'd heard them. Kaoru was the person who stood with her hand lightly placed on his shoji, tentatively wavering between opening it and leaving and retreating down the hall. Quickly, he shut his eyes and tried to relax his muscles to pretend to be sleeping. He held back a new smirk when he heard her tread into the room, her footsteps unevenly placed, as if she were uncertain of what she was doing. He slowly cracked one eye open; she stood, nervously biting her lower lip, just inside his shoji. Her large, sapphire orbs were still a bit heavy with the sleep she'd obviously just woken from, but otherwise she looked awake, overly tense even. What was the reason that she had come? He wondered about this for a moment. A cloud shifted and allowed just a bit of pale moonlight to frame her face, refracting from the black silk strands of her hair to give her a nearly ethereal quality. His other eye opened just slightly to devour the sight of her, his soft breathing increasing in the smallest amount. No doubt, this woman was the only mortal that he'd ever felt so attracted to; she was practically a goddess. There was no need for him to ask himself what to do next.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Could you blame me? I simply HAD to stop there. I mean... come on, just look at the beauty of that stopping point. Check out all it's majesty. And that sort of stuff. Ok then, I'm still in the 'idea-gathering' stage of this fic. Which means I'm sort of clueless as to where it's going to go. All I know is that I want it to be dark. I like dark fics, and it's high time I pull out my full ability and make my own shockwaves. I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed, I was quite pleasantly surprised. Domo arigatou gozaimasu, minna-san! Ok... I've put in a full hour of work on this tonight, and it's almost 1 a.m. and I happen to be REALLY freaking tired, so I'm going to leave you with this. Ja ne! 


	3. Beneath The Surface

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: The chicken made me do it.  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Three: Beneath the Surface  
  
Kaoru paused, her hands fidgeting with her yukata nervously as the moonlight fell across her face. The man in the corner seemed to be sound asleep, but somehow she doubted that, he was the hitokiri Battousai after all. She sighed quietly, and turned her face a bit more into the light, failing to notice the impatient shifting of Battousai. A few more hesitant steps brought her to the center of the room.  
  
'What am I doing here?' she wondered. 'This man is dangerous, I should be fleeing, leaving my own dojo. This isn't safe...' her thoughts trailed off as she watched him intently.  
  
The feeling she felt toward him was unexplainable. She tried to pass it off as an attraction to the deadly in regard to her long-time study of swordsmanship, but she knew that was not the case. That wasn't what made her heart race when she looked at him, or made her breathing increase, just a bit, when she heard his dark, melodious voice. He was haunting her, and she was sure he knew it. But try as she might, she was unable to leave, she was slowly drawn to his side. She knelt beside him; he certainly appeared to be sleeping. She looked at him for a moment, studying him.  
  
"I shouldn't be here," she whispered to herself, ever so quietly. Even Battousai had to strain to make out her words when she dropped her tone even further. "But you're so beautiful. There's more to you, there has to be. More than cold, merciless killer. No one is that heartless. There had to be something, someone, that made you this way. I wish I could help you."  
  
'Damn this, what am I doing?!' she mentally screamed. She knew she was far too trusting, but he drew her in, so shrouded in iniquity and enigma. A tentative hand reached out to trace down the scar that decorated his left cheek. This time, she felt his shudder, and gasped when his hand flew up to grip hers in an iron, vicelike hold.  
  
"You don't know what you're doing, darling," he said in a low tone, icy desire dripping from each word. "You shouldn't have come here, said those things. You shouldn't have touched me."  
  
She shook slightly, he could feel her pulse race beneath his fingers. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words would come, and she shut it again. He let his other hand trail up her free arm and gently yet firmly grasped her chin, drawing her lips close to his. She shivered at the feel of his breath upon her sensitive skin.  
  
"Tell me, sweetling," he whispered, lips brushing hers. "You know full well what it is that I want, or rather, who it is that I want. But you, what do you want?"  
  
Kaoru closed her eyes slowly and sucked in a tremulous breath. In response, Battousai held his; it was taking all the willpower he had not to shove her to the floor and tear her yukata off. It would be so easy. But he wanted to hear what she had to say, for once he was genuinely interested. "I want.. What I really want?" she asked haltingly. He nodded, so close to her that she could feel it. "I want to know you, I really do. You know, you heard me," her voice turned bitter with the last particular sentiment. He smirked, for what seemed to her like the thousandth time.   
  
"You're right, beautiful, I did hear you," he replied. For a moment he even considered granting her wish, and responding to her earlier words. He could tell her what happened to him, who and what had shaped him into the hollow shell of a man that he was today. But he doubted that she could help him, and dismissed the idea as quickly as it had come to him. "I am what I am, and that is all you need to know." Using his leverage on her chin, he brought her forward, pressing his lips to hers. Expecting her to fight him, he slipped his hand from her chin to the nape of her neck, and moved his other the small of her back, pulling her into his body.  
  
She moaned quietly as he laved her bottom lip with his tongue and pushed it into her mouth; this wasn't what she wanted. But anymore, she didn't know what she wanted. Her body was crying out for him, but her mind was screaming protests at her, that this wasn't right. She effectively disregarded all her thoughts when he buried his hand in the silken strands of her hair, it felt so good, and, strangely, so right. His body burned against hers, the heat of his flesh searing hers through both of their clothing. Desperately, her hands searched for something, anything, to hold to, and she found herself clinging to his gi, fisting it and tugging at it until it slipped down his shoulders. No objections left him, not that she was surprised at that, as he pulled back to let her have breath, and began making his way down her neck, trailing liquid fire where his mouth touched her. He groaned, quietly and low in his throat, as her delicate fingers traced over his exposed skin, gingerly at first and then bolder, until she was running her entire palms over his shoulders and chest.  
  
He pushed at the collar of her yukata with his face, it was such a nuisance. Not wanting to take the time or to remove his hand from its place in her hair which was so beautiful to touch, he tore fiercely at it with his teeth, pulling it until it fell down one shoulder. She moaned again, he could hear her voice growing more impassioned with each breath, and he dragged his teeth over her shoulder and back to her neck again, biting down hard there. She gasped when she felt blood begin to rush over her shoulder, but couldn't help but whimper when he swirled his tongue around it, lapping up her blood quickly so as not to waste a drop.  
  
"You taste wonderful," she heard him whisper hoarsely. "Exquisite." She flushed a deep tint of pink at his words, and at his hand that were slowly starting to wander up and down her body.  
  
"Kenshin," she managed to say around a groan. She meant to tell him that this was wrong, that she couldn't do this, but didn't get the words out before he stopped and looked up at her, his lips stained dark red from her own blood.  
  
"Why did you call me that?" he asked quietly, something about his face softening, just around the edges. He recalled her earlier words, 'I wish I could help you.'  
  
"You said... it... it's your name... isn't it?"  
  
"Yes," he said, lowering his head so that she could no longer see his face. "It was. A long time ago."  
  
She had called him 'Kenshin,' and of her own free will. Not because he'd told her too, she'd just... said it. He remembered when he had been Kenshin, when he bore the name that meant 'heart of sword' instead of the one he had now. Battousai. It was a fitting name, a good name, but only for a ruthless killer with blood on his hands. He often wondered, throughout his travels, if he could ever become the man known as Kenshin again. He also wondered how exactly he had come to this, and when the name Kenshin had been lost to the world.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Kaoru saw this as an opportunity to try to get the Battousai to open up, maybe she really could help him. He gazed into her eyes again; did she read a hint, just the very slightest fleck, of regret in his amber eyes, once cold but now blazing with lust and passion. Maybe he was different than she had first thought. His gaze narrowed, turning into more of a glare.  
  
"Yes, there is something wrong, and no, I will not tell you what it is," he growled, the heat between them quickly fading. His voice quieted, she listened intently. "You would understand, as it were, little mortal one."   
  
Shock registered on Kaoru's face. Mortal? Did that make him something more than mortal? If so, then that explained much to her, just by that fact. And indeed, she could even find it in herself to feel pity for him now. It was a growing feeling, she'd always been soft-hearted, and now was no exception. She moved in and kissed him, softly. Though his expression didn't show it, he was slightly comforted by this. Still, old habits die hard, as the saying went. He shoved her away from him with such force that she fell to the floor with a thud, wincing as her wrists bent at odd angles to catch herself.   
  
"Go." His already commanding voice took on a despotic tone. "Leave me alone."  
  
She blinked quickly, refusing to let him see the tears that welled in her eyes, and silently stood, pulling her yukata on with a deep blush. Without looking back at him, she turned and left, slamming the shoji forcefully behind her. When he felt her ki retreat to her room, Battousai brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, like a little boy that needed comforting. At times that was what he felt like, and the name Kenshin triggered the feeling once again. There would be no solace for him, he knew this and had known it for years, centuries even.  
  
'Could she be the one I'm here for?' he wondered silently. For he was aware of what befell the semi-mortal. There were certain expenses that came with longevity, they almost acted as restrictions. One of them was the inability to chose the one they loved, and many times this person turned out to be a mortal. He had long ago steeled his heart, determined not to feel the utter anguish and despair of watching his woman grow old and eventually die. He knew himself, he'd had plenty of time to discover who he was, and he knew how passionately he could feel. However, determined never to let himself feel pain, he directed all that passion toward swordsmanship and the art of killing. He wouldn't deny that he loved assassination, his was a bloodlust that was nearly unable to be slaked.   
  
But this girl, Kamiya Kaoru. Was she the one? That would explain how he felt when he looked at her. Yet he denied it, he couldn't let himself love.  
  
***  
  
Kaoru lay on her futon, quivering and crying in silence. An aching emptiness snaked through her very soul, she had never felt so complete and whole as she had in his arms. Something was different about that man, very different. So different that she felt no shame in her actions, which went against every bit of her character prior to this night. Her whole life had just been uprooted, all she really knew for sure now was that she needed Battousai.  
  
"Kenshin," she whispered to the darkness. "There's something about that name. I really do feel sorry for him, if he really isn't mortal. I don't think he was lying, something about the tone of his voice. It must be terrible, being in the world for so long, alone. There must be some way that I can help him."  
  
She set her mind on finding a way to comfort the Battousai, of learning his secrets and setting him at ease once more. A grim smile was set upon her face as she stared up at the ceiling. It wouldn't be the least difficult of the tasks that she'd taken on in life, but she would try. All her effort would go into unveiling what was in his mind, heart, and soul. There had to be a kinder side to him, she thought she'd seen some of it tonight.  
  
'First thing in the morning,' she thought with a wide yawn, closing her eyes. 'Now I must find time to sleep.'  
  
She drifted off into a dream, tossing and turning restlessly. Warm hands were traveling her body leisurely, a soft tongue stroking her neck. Her dreams were all of lust and fervor, of fire and amber blending with gentle sighs and passionate screams.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Well... I had one idea for this chapter, but it turned out going in a completely different direction. I wanted to show the more painful side of a semi-mortal, and the softer side of Battousai. Poor man, I'm subjecting him to this torture because I want to let out my feelings. Almost cried there, that I did... It really hits home. Yes, I am semi-mortal, believe me if you want, or don't, either way the story is still good. So, all you hentai people out there... haha! you have to wait! Oh, by the way, I plan on responding to individual reviews next time, I don't know whether I'll do every single reviewer or if I'll pick out the ones with questions. It depends on how much time I have, I suppose. Anyhow, thanks for reading, and don't worry you sick people, I'll get around to the lemon eventually. Bribes wouldn't hurt... You know... I could REALLY use some more awesome pictures of Kenshin... :points at her email address: ^_- (Darn laptop doesn't have a tilde [squiggly line for you non computer nerds/Spanish-speakers]) School tomorrow... must get some sleep so I don't wind up sleeping in math again. Hate school, hate school, hate school... 


	4. Equilibrium

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: OH HOW THE DISCLAIMING SHALL RENDER OUR SOULS COLD AND TORN UPON THE FLOOR OF THE HOUSE IN WHICH WE CANNOT OWN ANY OF THE ANIME/MANGA WHICH WE WRITE ABOUT AND FOR WHICH WE LIVE! OH THE CRUEL INJUSTICE OF IT ALL! OH WHAT A WORLD IT IS WE LIVE IN WHEN A FAN CANNOT WRITE A SIMPLE STORY WITHOUT HAVING TO POST A DISCLAIMER FOR FEAR OF LEGAL ACTION AGAINST OUR VERY... uh... erm... damn...  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Four: Equilibrium  
  
Again Battousai was first to rise in the morning, and went for a walk along the river. It seemed to be quickly becoming his choice place to go to do any thinking that might be necessary. And there was a lot on his mind this morning. He had opened up to Kaoru, even if only a bit, and that was more than just slightly disconcerting to him. How could he regain the upper hand in the situation? His pace was slow as he watched the water swirl and rush away from him, lapping gently at the banks with the extra height it had gained from the previous night's rainfall. Clasping his arms behind his back, he wondered about the girl. He had to admit that he liked her personality, stubbornness aside. The way she confronted him was intriguing and the way she shrank in fear when his voice rose was arousing to him like it never had been with any other woman. He was coming to the realization, if at an extremely belated pace, that she meant at least a little more to him than the others, and there were more than a few others.  
  
"Damn semi-mortality, damn it to hell!" he exclaimed aloud. "Whatever god put these fucking restrictions on us should be condemned to an eternity in the seventh level of hell. No. The punishment should be worse, if that's at all possible."  
  
With his violent proclamation, he fell silent again, trying to decipher his emotions so that he might find a way to get around them and be freed. He didn't want to love and need, all he wanted was hate, power, and blood. But it seemed that the gods had a twisted sense of humor and had destined him to be bound to this worthless mortal. And he was helpless to stop it if he didn't do something soon.  
  
'I suppose I could just kill her,' he mused. 'That would make things easier. Is there a punishment for that?' He searched his memory for a few minutes. 'I don't think there is. Best I should kill her and disregard the notion of fucking her, it might complicate things further.'  
  
Thus he made up his mind. Kamiya Kaoru would become another one of the countless victims of his blade. He already knew the flavor of her blood, from last night, and he smiled at the thought of having much more than just that small taste.  
  
***  
  
When Kaoru didn't hear Battousai moving about, she assumed he had gone off on his own again, and set about fixing breakfast for the both of them. A frown rose to her face, she knew what others said about her cooking, and, truthfully, she could never her bring herself to eat much of it herself. She really couldn't blame them.  
  
But today she had to cook something at least edible, she was cooking for not only herself, but Battousai as well. She closed her eyes for a moment, as if mentally steeling herself for some great battle. When it was her in the kitchen, that was more than likely what it would turn out to be. With an ominous gulp, she warily began the preparations for a meal that would at least not be turned to charcoal. Hopefully.  
  
***  
  
About half an hour later, Battousai returned. Sniffing the air, he easily caught the scent of tea and something that was really unidentifiable, but that smelled like smoke and fire. He grinned caustically, apparently Kaoru had tried to fix breakfast and had failed miserably. He shrugged to himself, it wasn't as if he would have eaten either way, he didn't like breakfast much. Tea would suit him fine.   
  
'If she didn't manage to ruin that as well.'  
  
He entered the kitchen and couldn't help but chuckle. Kaoru sat on the floor despondently, and covered in soot. It looked as if she'd engaged in an epic battle with the stove, and lost horribly. Being a hitokiri and having resumed his cool exterior, he of course didn't offer her any help, and simply poured himself a cup of tea and sipped it, watching her over the with his eyebrows raised.  
  
"Don't you say a word." She glared at him.  
  
"And you're going to stop me?" he asked mockingly. "How?"  
  
That was the last thing she needed to hear at the moment, and she finally snapped. She stood, heat rushing furiously to her face, and began yelling at him. For a moment he didn't respond, being shocked that she would even dare stand up to him. Then, as if in slow motion, he carelessly dropped his cup to the floor where it shattered, and moved toward her. Her eyes widened when he gripped her by the shoulders and shook her roughly.  
  
"That." He accented himself with another snap of his wrists and jarring of her body. "Is quite enough. If you speak to me like that again, I will not be responsible for my actions." To prove his point, he let go of her, and brought the back of his hand across her face forcefully, sending her sprawling across the floor.  
  
Pushing herself to a half sitting position, weight supported by her hands, Kaoru peered up at Battousai from beneath the black curtain that her now loose hair made about her. This time she didn't attempt to hold back the tears that rose to her eyes, and let them stream freely down her cheeks, leaving damp tracks that marred the perfection of her porcelain skin. Battousai kept himself from cringing at this, and growled at the urge to wipe the tears away. She was a mere human, after all, he was above this petty emotion. In half awe, half terror, Kaoru watched him leave the room, and leave a notch in her doorframe with his katana so quickly that she had no time to utter even a feeble protest. She didn't know where he was going, but at this point she no longer cared.  
  
"I wanted to help you Kenshin!" she yelled after him.  
  
Outside the dojo, Battousai paused mid-step. He didn't turn around or say a word in return, but he heard her remark, and it brought pain to his heart. 'Himura Kenshin... Himura Battousai... Hitokiri Battousai,' he thought, carefully considering each of the names he'd been given over the centuries. He dared not even think of the first, but automatically began with Himura Kenshin. 'So many names, each less familiar than the one before it. Whatever part of me that was mortal has long since been denied and slaughtered. And it wasn't my fault. It was never my fault.' Quietly, so low that Kaoru hadn't even a chance of hearing him, he let himself speak aloud, "It isn't my fault."  
  
***  
  
Battousai stayed out all day and late into the evening, leaving Kaoru to herself to think. It appeared to be too late to help him, especially if he refused to be helped, but she was not one to give up so easily.  
  
'What about the man that first came here, the polite one? If he can act the part so well, does that mean that somewhere, deep inside him, that this persona lives? Is that possible?'  
  
Being so young, she wasn't sure of any of these things, she hadn't lived long enough to know the truth about human nature, although she was naturally more observant than most women her age. There was no way that she could blame herself for that, and decided that she would just have to do everything possible to get Battousai to trust her. Could he trust?  
  
This question plagued her mind as she made her way to the bathhouse and began to heat the water. 'Can a hitokiri trust? And what about one that isn't mortal? It seems that those two things combined would make for a man who trusted no one. I just can't win.' She sighed as she slipped into the water, ducking her head under to feel the warmth completely engulf her. It made her wonder what it would be like to be surrounded by the warmth that was Battousai. The thoughts shamed her momentarily, but then she closed her eyes and gave herself up to such wanton fantasies. Was she or was she not seventeen and able to care for herself?  
  
Suddenly she bolted up, having forgotten to breathe, and having remembered just exactly where she was. The bathhouse, wouldn't it be only too easy for him to walk in and find her there? This was obvious, so obvious that she wondered if she had chosen this time to bathe , about when he would most likely be returning, simply because of that fact. Did she indeed wish to be caught? It took some more consideration when that thought arose. She laid her head back and shut her eyes in frustration, this man was too confusing for her, and she wasn't sure what the emotions that were tearing through her should be labeled as. Never had she been this bewildered by anything, she knew swordsmanship and how to get by on her own, not about something as frivolous as what could possibly be love. Had she loved him all along, then? Did she love him now? She couldn't be sure, but she had the feeling that if she weren't in love, she easily could become so. There was just something about him, something she couldn't put her finger on, that tempted her to play a dangerous game with him. It was likely that no woman had ever stood up to him the way she had. That made her frown, she still wasn't sure why she put her life at risk like she did with him, it made no sense. The only explanation was that there was something different about Hitokiri Battousai.  
  
***  
  
Battousai heard Kaoru taking her bath that evening, but ignored the urge to go in and join her. It would only create more confusion, and that was the last thing he needed. If he felt he had to have her, he could wait until she was dead, it wouldn't make any difference.  
  
When the moon rose over the quietly slumbering city, the snow began to fall, lightly at first, and then with increasing intensity. Battousai scowled, he hated the snow. So white and clean, it taunted him with what he could never have again, what some days he thought it might be nice to be in possession of. Purity. Innocence. Happiness. All things that he might like at some point, but were forbidden to him.   
  
Slinking down the hall, he entered Kaoru's room, katana already in hand. He had early on decided that he might as well do the deed while she slept, it was his way of showing what little gratitude he had towards her. After all, she had let him stay in her home. The least he could do was kill her painlessly.  
  
The moonlight that seemed to be so familiar to him glinted of the shining blade as he stepped to her futon and raised it above his head. He grinned at his own actions, trying to remember when he had become this dramatic. As he swung the blade down, Kaoru's eyes snapped open and she reflexively rolled to the side, his katana just barely nicking the flesh of her shoulder. It was enough to sting and draw blood, but she'd gotten more serious wounds in her life, largely from over-sharp kitchen knives.  
  
"Not the first time this has happened, darling, or are you just that well trained?" Battousai asked lazily.  
  
Kaoru said nothing and stood quickly, trying her best to compose herself and get into some sort of defensive stance. But she had no bokken with her, and she knew that against the Battousai she would stand no chance anyhow. This was the man of legends, the hitokiri who cast fear upon the hearts of the strongest and bravest of men. She was surely doomed to die.   
  
Battousai stalked her movements easily, as if he were toying with her; the cat playing with its mouse before it finally killed it. Kaoru swallowed hard, the man truly was a demon. He was closing in on her; she backed up until she hit the wall. There she stood, trembling, as he took his time in walking to stand in front of her and hold his katana to her throat, the deadly sharp end grazing the soft flesh there.  
  
"It's sad, really, that this is how it had to end, beautiful," he said with a careless smile.  
  
"You bastard," she hissed. His smile widened. "You heartless son of a bitch. I thought you were different, but you're a demon. Just like they said."  
  
"Too bad, isn't it?" he said with a dark stare.  
  
"Kill me then." It was taking all the courage she had in her weakening body, but this was the only chance she had left. "If it makes you feel better about yourself, kill me."  
  
"Gladly." He moved his katana forward slightly, blood beginning to bead at the base of her throat.  
  
"Hitokiri Battousai deserves no farewell, however... Sayonara, Himura Kenshin."  
  
Battousai paused, katana ready to spill her lifeblood, and Kaoru stood dead still against the wall. The room hung in a delicate balance between life and death.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: And you thought my last cliffhanger was evil. BHAHAHHA! Seriously, I sit here and write saying "Ok, how can I piss 'em off this time?" I don't know why you guys read this stuff anymore, besides the fact that I never tell you what's going on! NOW YOU SEE MY MIND! MY CRUEL AND HIDEOUS PLOT IS UNVEILED! :manaical laughter::cough: Ok. Now that I've settled that, I'm going to turn on hide's (or Hyde's, whichever you prefer) New Day's Dawn and jam (sort of) while responding to all my reviewers. I luff you guys! I was going to put them in alphabetical order when I realized "whoa! that takes effort!" so here they are in order of review date. Go ahead, scroll down.  
  
nobody: I apologize if Kaoru's being OOC bothers you, gomen nasai. Well... not really. ^___^ People under stress do strange things, and going through a war's going to change anybody, whether it's subtle or not. I'm actually glad you pointed that out, I wanted people to know that. YAY! Domo! Oh, and no, Kenshin isn't immortal, he's semi-mortal, which is similiar. Difference is that he can be killed by a weapon or accident, but the chances of either occuring are very low (you should listen to my near-death-experience stories sometime ^_^). Also, semi-mortals can change bodies, somewhat like reincarnation, to blend in with the time period. Fun, ne?  
  
Leokia: Gracias para cosas simpaticas tu habla! (Thank you for the nice things you speak...?) Well... I guess that works. Close enough. I'm glad you like my story, that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside ^_^  
  
Fanfiction Wanderer: You sick person you! :says the one who's writing the story...: ^_^ Just kidding! Sort of, I guess. Ah well, I love ya anyhow! Don't worry, my mortal friend (I'm making assumptions here), your lemony-waterful (waterfall?) dreams shall soon be fulfilled! Ah! And big thanks for the compliments, I like to know I'm achieving depth and comprehension (I sound like my English teacher now).  
  
Minna: My sincerest thanks! (That DEFINATELY doesn't sound like me, does it?) THANKS!!!! (That's better.) I'm glad you liked it!  
  
Clemen: Domo arigatou! Also, I think your email address is SPIFF. Ah yes, as you pointed out, it WAS wrong of me to leave you hanging, wasn't it? But no one ever said semi-mortals have a good sense of right and wrong ^_^ That explains Kenshin, lol. Oh yeah, and it totally rocked to hear that my idea was original. Made my day!  
  
gohanluvr: Wow. That's a lot of 'omg'ing! ^______^ Domo arigatou!  
  
Ali-chan: YAY! I'm an inspiration! And all this time I thought I'd only be useful as a bad example. You are so amazingly right, Battousai is sexy. More than that... he's like sex personafied. (I should use that in a school paper some time...)  
  
Ryoko: Arigatou! I guess... I'm really running out of witty things to say. Gomen.  
  
Orchidaceae: Damn that name is hard to spell... Oh yes, arigtaou! The relationship should prove to be QUITE interesting ^_-  
  
Lady Zhanael Daiche: HI!!! Yup! I'm evil! But then again, so are you, you said so yourself. Try to stay away from those diseased muffins next time, eh? By the way, anyone who happens to be reading this read her :points at Lady Zhanael Daiche: fics! They're good!!!  
  
nee-chan: Aw! So sweet of you! Thanks so much for complimenting both my fics at once. It's like a double-shot...  
  
Mika: Yikes. That was quite a commanding review O_O I'm afraid you may be disappointed, I'm not going to be able to promise anything gentle about the Battousai. We'll see ^_^  
  
Midnight-Primrose Riddle: Cool name. And thanks! It's really nice for an author to hear that she's capturing her characters, it means we're getting the job done right.  
  
vash-the-stampedes-gal13: Muchas gracias! Trigun is a cool show...  
  
dragontamer101: Evil cliffhangers... :smug face: heh heh heh... You remind me of me, only maybe less crazy. I dunno... don't know you that well. You'll know what's going on in that red head of Battousai's soon enough, don't worry. All will be revealed. (In more than one way, I'm afraid O_o) I'm still working out just what happened in Kenshin's past, but as soon as I know, you'll all know too!  
  
LiLNeKo: Thanks very very much ^_^ Also, I plan on updating fairly frequently when you put it that way! Of course!  
  
DespitefulSaint: I LOVE YOU TOO, FOR REVIEWING!!! But not that way. You know what I mean ^_^  
  
anonymous: Ooo.. the hide-in-the-shadows-dark-and-spooky type! COOL! Anonymity is fun. Thanks for your review!  
  
sessha himura: Wow. Biting. I've never heard that before, and it's awesome. Thanks for letting me know this Kenshin was different from the normal, as that is what I've been working at. Domo!  
  
chibiBattousai: Aren't personalities great? So fun to see what different people come up with... Ok... now I'm just spitting out your words. I can't help it, it's true! Thanks a ton!  
  
noner_89: Soon enough for you? Hopefully! I don't want to displease the reviewers ^_^  
  
Geminidragon: Wicked penname. And nope, Kaoru's not semi-mortal, she's just regular old human. Sorry if I didn't make that clear enough!  
  
battousia-crazy64: You know, I sympathize with you, empathize, even. About being empty on the inside. It makes me happy that you can relate to my story, but at the same time it makes me sad. It sucks to feel that way, I know. :big hug: I'm glad you're enjoying it!  
  
Ok, I think that's everybody. If I missed you, yell at me on AIM or email or review or something. I don't think I missed anybody... Anyhow... I've realized that Battousai told Kaoru his age was 20. That does seem to contradict him being semi-mortal, so I'll try to explain. Gomen nasai. I should have earlier. (It doesn't seem that anyone's caught that yet, but you never know.) Here's the deal. Semi-mortals of Battousai's kind (and my kind) have a sort of rebirth. It's quite like reincarnation, but you keep your memories and knowledge of all your past lives. For example, I remember France, Ireland, and Egypt, and you'll soon know just what Battousai remembers. The reason Battousai gave his age as 20 was because that was what Kaoru could comprehend, his years in human terms in this specific body. I know it's a little confusing, but if you want a more in-depth clarification, catch me on AIM (KurenaiSeito) or email me (kurenai_seito@yahoo.com) and I'll be more than happy to talk your virtual ear off. Now, it's late and I have school in the morning, so I must be slipping off to dreamland where I so desperately wish I could live forever. 


	5. Infection

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: Why pray to the light when darkness conceives it?  
  
Warning: Remember last chapter when Battousai was going to lop Kaoru's head off (it's just a flesh wound!)? Yes, well, this chapter heads in completely the opposite direction. Yes, that means lemonness. I've always had the desire to say this... Go ahead and read you people who are of age, it's lemony fresh ^___^ Oh, by the way, Kaoru's OOC in this chapter. I did that on purpose, people! It becomes important later on. With that said, have at it.  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Five: Infection  
  
Slowly, almost reluctantly, Battousai lowered his katana. "Why?" he asked simply.  
  
Kaoru reached out a hand to caress his cheek; he slapped it away. "Something about you..."  
  
"What about me?" Battousai spat, glaring at her with all the hatred he could manage.  
  
"I don't know," Kaoru said softly. "But I know that somewhere in you there must be the man that you were before you were Hitokiri Battousai. The way you respond when I say your name, Himura Kenshin. Who were you?"  
  
"Who I am and who I was should be no concern of yours." His angry tone seemed to be hiding some other emotion.  
  
"Please Battousai, I can help you."  
  
"You cannot help me! You would never understand, stupid fool of a mortal!"  
  
Kaoru shrank against the wall. Battousai noticed the way that her limbs trembling and her bottom lip quivered, just slightly. Groaning inwardly, his katana clattered to the floor, and he seized her by the arms and brought his lips down on hers roughly. She responded without hesitation, slipping her arms around his neck and pulling him fully into the kiss. Mentally, Battousai was cursing himself for letting her escape his blade and for letting himself be so easily swayed. But he couldn't help it, his body was begging him to let himself take advantage of this girl; something about her was so different.   
  
Letting go of the reins to his self control, Battousai crushed Kaoru against the wall, loving the way she moaned when he squeezed his mouth against her tongue, drawing it deeper into his mouth. The feel of her hands running lightly up and down his back was driving him crazy. Backing off just slightly to let her breathe, he noticed that he was panting every bit as hard as she was.   
  
"Kenshin," Kaoru gasped. "Please Kenshin, I need you."  
  
Her confession was all he needed, he lowered her to the hard floor and pressed his body to hers. Her hands tugged at his hair, pulling his head down for another passion-filled, greedy kiss. Then, deftly and unexpectedly, she flipped him, taking his downed guard to her advantage. He grunted as he hit the wooden floor and then groaned when she ran her tongue down the scar on his cheek.  
  
`Did she just lick me? Why the sudden change? And why do I feel...' his thoughts trailed off with another groan as she fumbled to get his gi off, her hands running teasingly over his warm chest. With utmost restraint, he guided her hands, crushing them in his grip. When she bent to stroke his chest with her tongue, he took the opportunity and pushed her yukata off her right shoulder, sinking his teeth into her sensitive skin. Her lips moved from his collarbone to curl back in a snarl as he pulled back to watch the crimson flow almost elegantly down her torn flesh for a moment before he took to gently sucking at it.  
  
"So beautiful," he rasped. "So perfect."  
  
Kaoru stared at him in shock but soon was moaning; it hurt terribly but at the same time sent racking shivers up and down her spine until her entire body shook with the sensation.  
  
"Feels good, lovely?" Battousai grinned and pressed his hand on the back of her head to bring her to him for another kiss. The taste of her own blood in her mouth was at first disgusting, but the flavor dispersed soon enough. Their tongues tangled for a moment before she pulled away. Battousai looked at her curiously.  
  
She had the inexplicable need to bring pleasure to this man, it was strangely empowering to be able to draw such reactions from such a creature of the darkness. Kaoru gave in readily to the desire, and slid down his body slowly, tauntingly, until her head was level with his stomach. Letting instinct take control, she began to kneed the muscles of his abdomen with her right hand, her left trailing along the outside of his leg. She could feel his hard arousal against her upper stomach and leaned more heavily against it, wrenching a growl that faded into a tormented groan from low in Battousai's throat. Dipping her head, she began so suck at his skin, nipping with her teeth and dragging her tongue across the marks at an agonizingly slow rate. She made her way down, nails digging into his flesh at the waistline of his hakama for a moment before she sat up to fumble with the knot.  
  
Battousai groaned, as much as he wanted her to do this, he wanted to taste her more. It took all his self-will to grab her hands and sit up, placing her hands around his neck. "Later, beautiful, it's my turn." Kaoru shuddered at the husky tone of his voice, it elicited foreign feelings low in her stomach. What was it that this man did to her? It was as if she were no longer the girl she used to be, she was bolder, stronger. She gave up on her thoughts when he swiftly removed her yukata and took her breasts in his hands, massaging, tugging, pulling. A low moan escaped from her lips as he bent his head and circled his tongue around one erect nipple. Her hands flew to his hair, clasping his mouth to her breast, never wanting him to stop the delicious torment. Battousai quickly pulled her into his lap and bit down on her, hard. Kaoru screamed in anguished pain coupled with excruciating pleasure. She brought her hips down in his lap with all the force she could muster in her current state and was delighted to hear Battousai hiss and feel him arch against her, his mouth suddenly moving from her breasts to her throat, drawing her skin in roughly. His hands were tracing patterns on her thighs, moving upward steadily until he cupped his right palm against her womanhood. In response, she dragged her nails down his chest and stomach, leaving long red marks that bled in some places.   
  
"You've never done this before, pretty?" he asked as his hand began lightly tracing her folds, teasing her.  
  
"No," she gasped. "Never."  
  
With a shrug, Battousai dragged his teeth over her collarbone, biting in places simply to hear her gasp and feel her skin shudder. She sucked in a deep breath when he pushed two fingers into her, moving them deftly in and out. He could feel more than hear her hoarse moans as his tongue battled with hers in a tempestuous kiss. He continued his ministrations until she shook and screamed out his name, when he ceased all movement.  
  
`Kenshin. She called me Kenshin again.'  
  
Kaoru opened her eyes after a moment and saw him watching her intently. Their eyes locked for a moment before he withdrew his fingers and brought them to his mouth, slowly savoring her taste on his hand. After taking a minute or so to regain her breath, she said, "You've had your turn now." Her eyes were passion-darkened to nearly black and Battousai allowed her to shove him gently to the floor, her hands tugging at the knot of his hakama. After getting it undone, she removed the hakama and loincloth with haste and began running her hand in circles on his inner thigh, the other digging at the skin of his chest.  
  
"Kaoru, don't tease," he groaned. "Touch me."  
  
He reached out a hand and grabbed hers, wrapping it around his shaft tightly, showing her how to move her hand. She learned quickly, watching the expression on his face, the first she'd seen besides anger, to see watch pleased him and what didn't. For a second she hesitated and he grabbed her hands roughly, throwing her to the floor with a resounding thump.   
  
"Enough games, pretty," he said by way of explanation. Kaoru's breath caught; just what would he do to her? She couldn't say she was unwilling, she'd come this far, but she'd always heard that the first time hurt, and he didn't look like he had any intention of being gentle with her.  
  
And she learned how correct she was when he thrust into her fiercely. She cried out and bit down on his shoulder, but the pain soon faded and was replaced with racing pleasure as he pounded into her.  
  
"Wrap your legs around me, lovely," he commanded, he needed to feel that he was completely in control. She complied quickly and murmured senseless words as he drove into her. Her back screamed in agony from the hard wood of the floor, but she forced it from her mind as best she could, focusing on the heat of his body and the feelings that he was producing within her.  
  
Battousai groaned when she leaned up to whisper softly in his ear, "More... deeper." How did this woman get to him so well? It wasn't as if he'd never heard these words before, but from her they struck a chord, and he strained himself to the limit, holding back his own quickly building orgasm, to give her what she wanted. He knew it would hurt her tomorrow morning, but the thought didn't bother him. He twined his tongue with hers as he felt her tightening around his shaft, moments later she fell hard, screaming out his name in a raspy voice. A few more pounding thrusts and he followed her, dropping his body on hers heavily.  
  
After a few moments she pushed at him, and he realized that he'd pinned her down to the floor and that she likely couldn't breathe. He stood and offered her a hand, which she took and attempted to stand. When her legs wouldn't seem to work properly, he pulled her into his arms and carried her to the futon that was only a few feet away. He set her down unceremoniously and lied at her side, pulling her into his arms. She sighed and nuzzled her head into his chest, somehow she felt safe in his arms. It just seemed so right.  
  
"So will you tell me?" she asked quietly, yawning with impending sleep.  
  
"Tell you what, lovely?"  
  
"About yourself, your past."  
  
"I'll consider it. Don't let your hopes get too high," he answered, his voice once again taking on its tone of cold indifference.  
  
Kaoru nodded against his chest and let herself slip away into sleep. When her breathing was even and he was sure she was asleep, Battousai stroked her damp hair gently and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, drawing her blanket over both of them. He didn't know why he let himself feel so strongly about this woman, but he was beginning to like the feeling. Maybe he would tell her. If she truly was meant to be his love, then wouldn't it be better to let all his pain out and share with her? Some days he thought he would break, he was carrying so many burdens with him. Maybe this young mortal could be his savior. The gods knew he needed one. Kaoru shifted in her sleep, tangling her legs with his, and he smiled. At least for tonight he would sleep well.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: So. How'd you like it? Too much, not enough? (I was leaning toward not enough, myself...) Anyhow, that was fun to write! (Yes, I'm a sick person, aren't I?) I was going to make y'all wait some more, just because I like pissing everyone off, but I gave in. Here you have it... maybe some day I'll expand it and email it to anyone who's interested... All depends on my mood. Also, if Stephen happens to be reading this, I'm telling your mom! HA! Now, it's 11.30 pm and I have GLORIOUS WONDERFUL SCHOOL tomorrow! Not really... I hate school. Maybe I'll die or something... 


	6. I Can't Tell You Why

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowHuntress  
  
Disclaimer: *jams like an awesome jamming thing that jams awesomely* Let's just all have a massive party! Cause I'm going to an anime convention as Mana! How wicked awesome is that?!  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Six: I Can't Tell You Why  
  
Kaoru shivered and attempted to move closer to Battousai, seeking out his warmth. But the movement sent pain to every inch of her body, most especially her back. A whimper escaped her throat and was enough to pull Battousai from his sleep. His eyes were a little bit duller when he was just waking, she noticed, he looked almost human. A curious look crossed his face until he noticed that she had one hand pressed to her back. He smiled as he remembered the events of the previous night, and he reached out a hand, pushing hers out of the way and rubbing her back.  
  
Kaoru's eyes grew wider. Was this the feared Hitokiri Battousai massaging her back? It seemed odd to her, but she wasn't about to complain, it felt far too pleasant. Drawing her into his chest, he slipped his other arm around her in a light caress before rotating his thumb upon each of the vertebrae in her spine. Her sigh sprayed warmth breath across his bare chest and he smiled, truly smiled.  
  
"Kenshin." He paused, but then continued. "Tell me about your past. Please?"  
  
"Are you sure, lovely?" His voice was still quiet and sleepy, uncharacteristic of him. He frowned to himself; was he growing softhearted against his will?  
  
Kaoru nodded and kissed his chest softly, causing him to jump slightly with surprise. What had happened to all the fear she was supposed to hold of him? It seemed that by giving in to his desires that he'd completely shattered her reservations and cautiousness. Had he also broken down the high, thick walls that he'd so long used to encase his heart? Anymore he couldn't be certain, he was now toying with so many strange new emotions. Enough to confuse even him, he decided to let her have just a bit of what she wanted, though he didn't know where to start. He pulled both of them into a sitting position, wanting to be able to look into her eyes. Somehow that seemed to be the right thing to do.  
  
"I am semi-mortal, Kaoru," he spoke slowly at first, unsure of letting her know so much precious information. After all, what reason had he to trust her? A pressing force in his mind drove him to say more, he cursed whichever god was influencing him at the moment. "Do you know what that means, little one?"  
  
"No. And don't call me that," she replied fiercely. Battousai couldn't help but chuckle.  
  
"It means I've lived for quite some time, and unless someone kills me, not likely, or I kill myself, I will be around for a good while longer," he explained. "I don't remember exactly where I originated, it isn't important, but I do remember my first parents." His eyes softened a bit, but he quickly changed the subject. "I've seen and started more conflicts than you'll ever be able to comprehend, and I've killed more humans than it is possible to count."  
  
"And you were once Himura Kenshin? What caused you to become Battousai?"  
  
"Did I ever once give you the permission to ask me questions?" Battousai asked sharply.  
  
"No," Kaoru replied meekly and bowed her head.  
  
"I don't know why I'm telling you this," he said harshly. "You won't understand, you're too young and foolish."  
  
There were those ice cold words again. Obviously she'd been wrong in thinking that they'd made some sort of a breakthrough, and that maybe she could melt the Battousai. Then he'd only wanted her for her body, nothing else. It had been foolish to think anything else, she was well aware of that. But at the time she'd thought that maybe he felt something like what she felt, the all-consuming fire that inexorably drew them together. Clearly he hadn't, and she, in all her naivety and idealistic notions, had mistaken lust for more than it was. That thought alone was enough to make her drop her head in her hands and cry silently.   
  
'When did I become this weak?' she wondered. She had always been a strong girl, it used to take a lot to get her to cry. 'Of course, this is no minor thing, is it?' Cynicism was quickly winding its way into her thoughts. A calloused hand on her shoulder made her pause, and look up, dismissing the fact that her eyes were still rimmed with crystal tears. Battousai didn't look particularly concerned, but she didn't expect that in the first place.  
  
"Stop that," he commanded. "I don't like it when you cry."  
  
"Wha...?" Kaoru's mouth hung open slightly as she tried to comprehend.  
  
"Don't look so tempting," he said, eyes openly wandering down her naked body and back up to her face at a leisurely pace. She blushed suddenly, and pulled the blanket up around herself. "I know you're still sore, but I wouldn't hesitate to have a second round."  
  
"Don't you dare, Battousai!" Kaoru screeched, scooting away from him.  
  
Battousai grabbed for her closest arm and held it in a crushing grip. "You will not tell me what I dare or do not, lovely." He punctuated choice syllables with a wrenching of her arm. "Understood?"  
  
Kaoru swallowed hard and nodded. He released her arm, which she cradled against her chest, looking up at him with blue eyes that swirled with hurt, both physical and emotional. Battousai sighed; she wasn't very subtle about the way she was feeling. It was if she wanted others to take advantage of her innocence. It seemed as if he would have to teach her himself.  
  
"You're going to have to learn to be more emotionless if you're going to be my woman," he said, sounding exasperated.  
  
"Your... woman?" she questioned tentatively.  
  
"Isn't that what you want, in the end?"  
  
"I... don't know."  
  
"Don't fool yourself, I can see it in your eyes, which, by the way, is something you're going to have to work on. I won't have any woman becoming my weakness, simply because I take her with me. You're the student from now on. Forget your silly ideas of swordsmanship. From this point forward, all you have to worry about is obeying and pleasing me. I'll protect you."  
  
Unsure exactly how to respond, Kaoru simply nodded again, at a loss for words. It was hard to tell whether his words were a compliment or an insult. She knew that the Battousai had no woman, or at least, had never had one before, and that, she supposed, must have meant she had at least some importance to him. But to only bother with obeying and pleasing him? To completely give up on her father's sword style? Was it worth it? More importantly, did she even have any choice in the matter? She doubted it. He'd also said that he would protect her. Even though she wasn't sure exactly what that spelled out, she hoped that maybe it might mean that he cared for her even in the slightest bit, no matter how deep down and hidden away the feeling was. She could always hope, right?   
  
Battousai stood, paying no mind to the fact that he was completely clothesless, and stretched his arms lazily. A wicked grin lit his face when he noticed Kaoru watching him somewhat less than discreetly, and he made sure to take his time in donning his gi and hakama. For a moment he considered leaving the gi off, just to further allure her, but he suddenly realized just how cold it was, and decided that today was no day to be half-dressed. Turning back to face Kaoru again, he smiled knowingly.  
  
"Like what you see, pretty?" he asked, voice dark and radiating sensuality. Kaoru quickly flushed crimson. "Don't be shy, darling," he said, opening his arms widely. "I'm yours to do whatever you wish. Tell me, whatever you desire can come true."  
  
"Then..." Kaoru began. She stood, and, clutching her blanket around her, put a hand on his chest where the gi gaped to show skin. "I desire that you..." she paused for a moment and moved him a few steps backward. Her voice was soft and seductive as she spoke again, "Leave my room and let me change in peace."  
  
Battousai found himself in the hall and with a shoji being shut in his face. He stared blankly for a few seconds, and then stormed off, muttering every curse he knew. And after all the time he'd been alive, he knew quite a few.   
  
"I will never understand that woman," he grumbled. "But she will learn to respect me if it's the last thing she ever learns."  
  
***  
  
Once fully dressed, Kaoru slid down to sit with her back against the wall, breathing heavily with her sobs. So now she was Battousai's woman, as if she were some sort of inanimate object to be won, possessed, and protected. She had to admit that the protection part of his 'offer' was not completely unsavory in her mind, it would bring her at least some peace of mind. But who would protect her from Battousai himself? And, in that case, who would protect her from herself? That was, she knew, the greatest of all her problems, because she was aware of how badly she wanted the man, even though it seemed so strange to her. She'd never felt that way before, but there was something about Battousai that was so wonderfully horrifying, some elusive quality that she could see deep in his intense eyes that left her wanting more.  
  
In his arms she had felt safe, she remembered, even though it was unexplainable. To feel secure when she was anywhere near him would be considered insanity, suicide even, by anyone she knew, and even by Battousai most likely. But she only knew how she felt, and his embrace had been warm, calming, and strengthening. Crossing her legs and setting her elbow on her knee, she dropped her chin in her palm, wondering what it would be like to be his woman, to surrender to him night after night, and to be encircled by his firm hold again.  
  
'Maybe it won't be so bad,' she mused. 'And it's not as if he's going to give me a choice.' A few days ago, she would have been appalled by her thoughts, and most especially by what she'd done with him just the night before. But she'd changed, and suddenly. Battousai was a catalyst to her, and she had a sense that as long as she was with him, her life would be different.  
  
***  
  
They were leaving, Battousai decided as he wandered toward the river again.   
  
'Damn river. When did I become so obsessed with nature?'  
  
He knew the truth, though. Being semi-mortal, he had a strong connection with the natural world, even though if anyone were to ask, he would flatly deny it. It was merely a part of his character, and not one that he could easily dismiss. Still, he refused the impulse to spend a few hours staring at the rushing and eddying waters, and halted abruptly, meaning to go directly back to the dojo to inform Kaoru that they would be departing with the setting of the sun.  
  
He found Kaoru dozing against the wall in her room, and almost smiled at that. The action reminded him so strongly of himself that it was almost able to melt away some of the ice of his personality. Almost.  
  
"Wake up, lovely," he knelt to whisper in her ear. His lips brushed her earlobe as she stirred and he ignored the urge to let himself forget leaving and simply cover her with kisses.  
  
"Hmm? Kenshin?"  
  
"Battousai," he replied sharply. Secretly, he loved the way she said 'Kenshin,' but he had to keep her in fear of him.   
  
"Battousai," she repeated, quickly correcting herself. "Yes?"  
  
"We're leaving. Pack your things, only what's necessary. You have until sunset. Remember, it's cold, and it will only be getting colder."  
  
"I... yes. Alright," she said, and he stood and held out a hand to her, which she gladly accepted. Her muscles screamed in protest as she straightened herself out and he pulled her to her feet, but she didn't utter a single complaint. She had resolved to be more like she used to, strong and self-efficient. More like her father's daughter.  
  
"Be ready, beautiful," Battousai said. "It's going to be a long trip."  
  
*****  
  
A/N: As much as this may seem like a filler chapter, it really isn't. I swear. It's meant to explore more of Battousai's and Kaoru's personalities and the strange freakishness of their relationship, if it can even be called that. I wasn't really too pleased with this chapter, but I was watching the English Premier League (Chelsea vs. Southampton! w00t! Good game...) while I was watching so I was slightly distracted. You should have heard me yelling at the TV, I'm sure my neighbors did ^_^ Man, soccer kicks ass. Too bad I had to quit -_- I was good, too. ANYHOW! Thanks for all the positive reviews!! I feel so loved, you guys rock. 


	7. Unexpected

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: Screw you, hippie.  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Seven: Unexpected  
  
Small clouds of dust rose from their feet with every step; Kaoru coughed quietly into the sleeve of her kimono, feeling cold, tired and utterly unclean. It wasn't as if she'd wanted to follow Battousai to the gods knew where, that was far from the case, but the fact remained that, at heart, she was terrified of him. Sure, there was that peculiar attraction that she felt towards him, but it wasn't enough to dispel the growing fear of what he might do to her. He was a spiteful, cruel man, she reminded herself, thinking back on their departure...  
  
"Please Battousai, please don't make me leave," she had begged. But he hadn't listened. "Battousai, please, this is my home, it always has been. My mother and father... all my memories... oh gods Battousai you can't do this to me."  
  
He had grabbed her arm, but not as forcibly as he did earlier. Had she detected a hint of sympathy in his distant amber eyes? Impossible. His grip had loosened slightly as he picked up the bag she'd packed and slung it over his shoulder, fairly dragging her out the dojo gate and down the road.  
  
"You're wrong, lovely, I can do this to you. Who is to stop me? You? Your family, perhaps?" he had said, but the last part was very quiet, as if he had regretted saying it.  
  
...Tears flowed down her cheeks as she recalled his last words. He was such a bastard, how could someone like that even be alive? Wiping the tears away quickly, she stuck to her resolve to be stronger. After following Battousai for so many miles in the dark and cold, she should have been complaining, especially with the cramp she was developing in her left calf, but she walked on, head held high.  
  
"What's wrong?" Battousai's question startled her and she stopped. Hearing this, he halted and turned to face her. "What's wrong?" he asked again, gentler.  
  
"Nothing," Kaoru replied.  
  
"You're lying," he said. "You were limping, I could hear the difference in the pattern of your steps. Your left leg hurts, doesn't it?"  
  
Biting her lip, Kaoru nodded. Battousai put his hands on her shoulders and marched her off the road into the forest a ways. Sitting her down on a fallen tree, he began to build a fire and unroll the blankets that would have to do for their bed that night.  
  
"If you were tired, you should have said something," he admonished while he busily went about cooking them some rice. "I wouldn't push you that hard."  
  
A quizzical look passed Kaoru's eyes, but she remembered what he'd said about being emotionless and swiftly arranged her face to be blank. He smiled approvingly; at least she was a fast learner. Leaving the rice to simmer, he sat cross-legged in front of her and grabbed her left ankle lightly. Watching her face carefully from beneath his blood-red bangs, he slipped a hand inside her kimono and began to knead at her calf easily. A small and lazy smile snuck onto her face as he increased the pressure, working out the knots in the muscle skillfully. Kaoru sighed deeply, sinking to the ground and leaning against the tree.  
  
"Better?" he asked simply.  
  
"Mmm," she affirmed.  
  
"Good," he murmured and knelt forward to take her head in his hands. She strained upward slightly to press her lips against his. In moments like these she thought she might be able to love him, or might already be in love with him. He had his soft side too, but thoughts of this were scattered as he deepened the kiss, snaking an arm behind her back and pulling her into his chest. She didn't quite believe her ears when she heard a purr rumble from her own throat, but Battousai obviously believed his by his response. He pressed himself fully against her, bending her against the tree in a way that was amazingly painful to her. When he moved his mouth from her lips and began working his way down her neck, she took the opportunity to complain.  
  
"Battousai, that hurts," she whimpered. He paused and seemed to consider her words for a moment. "Please," she whispered. "It hurts."  
  
Nodding, her moved to pull her into his lap and lean against the tree himself. It was shocking how considerate he was being tonight, which would have made her wonder if he hadn't swept her hair over he shoulder and begun kissing and licking the back of her neck. She shuddered and let her head fall back at the damp caress of his tongue; it was astonishing how this man could set her whole body on fire so easily. He didn't even have to try. She brought her hands up to his head and twisted to be able to drag him to her lips for another kiss. His eyes flashed as he ran a hand up and down her side, their tongues twining roughly. They broke to catch their breaths, and Kaoru sniffed the air delicately, brow furrowed in confusion.  
  
"Is something... burning?"  
  
Battousai's eyes widened and he pushed her off his lap, leaping toward the fire. "Well. I suppose we're not going to be having rice tonight," he said as he poked a stick at the charred remains of what would have been their dinner. "I'm afraid that's all we had. I'd planned on that holding us over until tomorrow when we'd reach a small town. Damn."  
  
Kaoru couldn't help but giggle, for a hitokiri, he looked rather adorable poking at his burned dinner with a stick. He glared at her and she bit back a laugh.  
  
"I'm glad you find it amusing, because we're not going to be eating tonight," he huffed, taking the cooking pot away from the fire and dumping the failed attempt at rice at the edge of the clearing. "We might as well go to bed, we're only going to get hungrier." It seemed that his mood had been ruined along with their food.  
  
With a sigh, he tucked himself under a blanket, using the other as a makeshift futon of sorts. Kaoru hesitated for a second, shivered, and then crawled in beside him. The air was already frigid, and she wasn't going to freeze to death because of her stubborn pride. Besides, he hadn't been so bad that night, maybe she could get him to open up more.  
  
"Battousai," she said softly.   
  
"What?"  
  
"Will you tell me what it's like to be semi-mortal?" she asked quietly, not wanting to evoke his anger.  
  
"I suppose if you're going to be traveling with me you might as well know," he sighed. Kaoru nestled closer to his warm body. "You live for what feels like forever. I've rarely had any type of serious accident, because I have some purpose on the earth and the gods won't let me leave until it's complete. I don't know what it is. I will eventually. Even if I don't die from an accident, it's very rare, I can be killed, also very hard to achieve. Every hundred years or so, I have the choice of being reborn, to better fit in with my surroundings. I would retain all my memories and knowledge, but I've never chosen rebirth. I happen to like my form the way it is."  
  
"That's not what I really meant, Battousai," Kaoru said. "Though it's fascinating, what I really want to know is how you feel. You can't be emotionless."  
  
He was inclined to tell her, it made so much sense at the moment. "It's hell, lovely. I don't trust anyone, I don't become attached to anyone."  
  
"What am I to you then?" she asked in a whisper.  
  
"I don't know." It seemed that he was talking more to himself than her now. "You're beautiful, you have spirit. I don't know why I want you so badly. But I do. Don't ask questions."  
  
"Yes, Battousai," she yawned, smiling. She'd gotten more out of him than she'd hoped to. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all. A shiver ran from her head to her toes, and she pushed her body as far as possible against his, feeling the cold of the night. He wrapped his arms around her protectively and tucked her head under his chin; she sighed in content. Perhaps being his woman wouldn't be the torturous hell she'd thought it would be.   
  
'It might be hard to deal with his violent mood swings, though,' she thought.  
  
***  
  
"Cold, Kaoru?" Was the first thing she heard the next morning. She discovered that she was shaking hard, even though Battousai was holding her close and she was underneath a relatively thick blanket.  
  
"I'm surprised you didn't shake yourself awake during the night. I know I didn't get any sleep," he continued. "...I was worried about you."  
  
Kaoru's eyes grew large. "Y-you w-were?" she stuttered. He put a slender finger to her lips and sat her up, carefully wrapping her in both blankets and drawing her closer to the dying fire. Moving rapidly, he built it up to a small blaze, and sat her back in his lap, tucking her in his arms again.  
  
'This is insane,' Kaoru thought. 'Yesterday afternoon he was harsh and rude, and today he's caring and concerned? What goes on in this man's mind?'  
  
Battousai buried his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply. "You smell good," he said simply. "Hmm... I can think of one good way to warm you up," he commented as he tugged at her earlobe with his teeth.  
  
"N-no," Kaoru managed to work out through her chattering teeth.  
  
"Ah, I see. I'll be kind to you today, as it's your first day as my woman, and you're so goddamned cold. It's very disconcerting trying to sleep next to someone who's shaking so hard. We should be moving on," he added as an afterthought.  
  
Taken completely off-guard, Kaoru couldn't do anything but stare at him as he set her on the ground. Dousing the fire, he began digging through the bag she'd packed. A disgruntled look passed his face as he rummaged through her things.  
  
"Don't you have anything warmer?" he asked.  
  
"No," she replied. "This is my warmest winter kimono."  
  
Battousai sighed, obviously displeased.  
  
'Dammit, it's cold, too,' he thought with a scowl.  
  
After peeling the blankets from her body and rolling them up to be more travel-efficient, he slowly removed his gi and draped it over her shoulders. Kaoru quickly wrapped it around herself, quietly breathing in his scent. She smiled; she like the way he smelled. This fact didn't slip past Battousai's notice, and he grinned at her.  
  
"I'm all yours, darling," he said in a low voice, sexual tension spiking between them. His tone dropped to a dark whisper. "You don't have to wait."  
  
'Damn,' she swore mentally at her stupidity. 'I should have known better.'  
  
He took her silence as a negative response, but was unruffled by it. At least now he knew just how badly she wanted him. Was she in love with him? He couldn't help but wonder. The more pertinent question was, was he in love with her? He couldn't be sure at the moment.  
  
"Come," he directed. "It's time to move on. Walk with me."  
  
She obeyed, she didn't really mind the way he was acting. After all, he was a man, and most of them were like that, with varying levels of stupidity. Besides, it was warmer being gathered under his arm and held to his body. And she knew he had to be freezing, what with having given her his gi. The action was so sweet and thoughtful that she couldn't possibly deny his order, especially when it might afford some warmth for him.   
  
As they traveled on, she let her thoughts wander. He'd said that being semi-mortal was like being in hell. 'How sad that he doesn't trust anyone. He wants me. I've never been wanted before. Not like this. Is this what love feels like?' Her speculation was random and rapid-fire, whatever came into her head was given at least passing attention, until she noticed that Battousai was staring at her.  
  
"What are you thinking, lovely?"  
  
"Nothing," she lied quickly.  
  
"Hmm, alright then," he said with a grin. "Keep your secrets for now."  
  
Kaoru almost smiled. He sometimes could seem like a person, as if he had a heart somewhere. But she knew that she'd just barely scratched the surface of his personality. Battousai was quite possibly the most complex and confusing creature to walk the earth, with the greatest capacity for evil. Did that also mean he had the greatest capacity for passion?  
  
*****  
  
A/N: AH! I'M FREEZING! That's where the idea for this chapter came from. It's about five degrees below zero in my room, so my despair is coming out through my writing. Seriously. I'm cold. I'm wrapped in a quilt, a blanket, and a comforter, and I STILL can't feel my toes!! Plus it's snowing outside, so that makes me feel even colder. Anyhow, I should explain a bit about this chapter. It may seem that Battousai just randomly changed to a nice guy. Wrong. Semi-mortals are prone to some very violent and insane mood swings, more so than the average bi-polar person sometimes. It's that bad. Ask my friends. Or ask my locker, which is the brunt of my mood swings quite often. Poor girl that has the locker under mine, stuff is always hitting her in the head because of that... YES! BACK ON TRACK! Any questions? This story is getting rather more involved than I thought it would be. I like it ^_^ Ja ne, minna-san! 


	8. Breaking Point

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: I know a mouse and he hasn't got a house, I don't know why I call him Gerald. He's getting rather old, but he's a good mouse. (Anyone else know that song?)  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Eight: Breaking Point  
  
The dim lights of a small rural town came into view just before sunset that day. Kaoru wasn't sure exactly where they were, but Battousai seemed to know the village well, and led her straight to the door of an inn. The place reeked of smoke and sake, but Kaoru did her best to ignore it as Battousai made arrangements for a room. She didn't like the way that the woman helping him eyed his bare chest, and stepped to his side again. He smirked at her, as if he could read her thoughts, and put his arm around her waist once more. Kaoru's face burned; it hardly seemed appropriate to be held by a half-dressed man in public, but it wasn't really avoidable. The woman scowled and showed them to their room. Battousai dismissed her without thanks, in addition, ordering her to have food brought to their room.  
  
"That was rather rude, wasn't it?" Kaoru questioned with raised brows.  
  
"Yes." Battousai shrugged. "I won't lose any sleep over it."  
  
"Have you ever considered that maybe that's the reason you aren't very well liked?"  
  
"You mean besides the fact that I'm a ruthless hitokiri?"  
  
"Oh," Kaoru said, twisting her hands as was habitual when she was nervous or embarrassed. "Yes, I'd forgotten."  
  
"Forgotten?" Battousai seemed shocked. "You were able to completely forget... that?"  
  
"I... well... yes."  
  
Battousai stared at her curiously, and she tried to keep her face blank while also attempting to read his eyes. It was impossible, he was too well guarded, but she thought, or maybe hoped, that she caught a fleeting look of gratitude. Still, although he wouldn't let her see his thoughts as he could see hers, she could tell that he was amazed. It surely wasn't every day that someone treated him like an individual, instead of just a feared demon.   
  
"But you aren't," she whispered to herself.  
  
"Aren't what?" She'd failed to take into account his exceptional hearing.  
  
"A demon. You're not just a hitokiri, there's more to you than that," she said softly.  
  
"Really? You think so?" he asked, stepping closer to her and taking her chin in his hand. "You want to know who I am?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
With an unknown emotion glinting in his eyes, he pulled her to him, moving his hand from her chin to her neck, and kissed her hard. She gasped, this wasn't a kiss like any of the others he'd given her. She tasted raw need and desire, and something deeper. The way he held her so tightly that it was nearly painful, but was still tender, the way his body melded into hers; she could feel anguish thrumming through his every heartbeat. Anguish, loneliness, and coldness.  
  
Battousai pulled back upon hearing light knocking. Kaoru quickly composed herself as best she could, which wasn't very well, and he slid the shoji open, still breathing heavily. The girl who'd brought their tray looked no older than sixteen or seventeen, and appeared to be scared out her wits, as well as being embarrassed at walking in on the scene between the two. Mumbling a few apologies and with a polite bow, she handed the tray to Battousai and nearly ran down the hall.  
  
"I'm going to make up for last night's dinner," he said with a grin. Setting the tray on the floor next to the futon, he sat down. "Come here and sit next to me." Kaoru followed his command readily; she was hungry. Battousai moved her legs so that they were stretched over his lap, and then set the tray on them. "I'm going to feed you."  
  
Kaoru didn't dare disagree, and, in truth, the prospect sent chills down her spine. She was neither deaf nor stupid, she could hear the sultry undertones to the offer. She no longer shied away, she couldn't anymore. Now that she knew that he was lonely and sad, there had been no need for him to actually say it, she felt like she could love him with all her heart. He could return the emotions, she thought, if she could only get him to.  
  
The meal was good, and warm, but nothing spectacular. Really, she hadn't focused on it much, her attention being drawn to and held by Battousai's eyes. They spoke more than words could possibly even have conceived, and they captivated her. When she had eaten her fill, he insisted that she, in turn, feed him, and she did so without complaint. His gaze had followed her every move, watching the graceful movements of her hands with a fierce intensity. As soon as she set the tray to the side, he took her hands in his and brushed his thumbs over her knuckles.  
  
"You're quite an amazing woman Kamiya Kaoru," he worked the words slowly, as if he were trying to say something that he wasn't sure quite how to express. His eyes dropped back to her hands, his fingers stroking the backs gently. She pulled one hand away and lifted his chin to be able to see his eyes. For once, they spoke volumes.  
  
"You're lonely," Kaoru whispered. "You've been alone for so very long, with no one to trust."  
  
Battousai stood swiftly, brushing Kaoru's legs aside. All thoughts of seducing her flew from his head as he clenched and unclenched his fists. She'd guessed him too easily, how could she possibly have known that? No one should know that, it was what kept him going in this world.  
  
"No," he hissed. "You can't say that. You couldn't have said that."  
  
Kaoru looked confused, but slow realization came to her. He was more confused than she was. 'Interesting,' she thought. Standing, she came up behind him and slipped her arms under his, bringing them up to put her hands on his shoulders. He moved as if to shake her off, but then apparently thought better of it. Battousai allowing her to manoeuver him at her will, she sat him down on the futon and then sat behind him, leaning against the wall. She smiled, he was finally melting to her, all it took were a few choice words that she would have said the first time she met him, if only she had known. Kaoru didn't know anything else that she could say to make him feel any better, but she felt completely and totally terrible for him. Not even being able to begin to comprehend all that he had been through, she simply rested her chin on his shoulder and whispered to him, her breath tickling his neck.  
  
"I'm sorry," was all she could come up with, as hollow as that probably sounded to him. "How can I help you?"  
  
"I don't want your help," he growled, but she could tell he was losing his resolve.   
  
He was like a little boy sometimes, she decided. In need of nothing more than someone to hold him. Or, on second thought, maybe 'little boy' was inappropriate, because she felt the need to not only hold, but to caress and kiss him, as well. Perhaps that was only for her benefit, though. Still, he needed someone to care for him, someone to listen and let him relieve some of his burdens. And Kaoru had the feeling that he'd never had someone like that before. She decided to go out on a limb and be brave.  
  
"Kenshin, you can tell me," she murmured. "I won't think any less of you, and I would never tell another living soul. You can keep up your image."  
  
Battousai sighed heavily, it was so very tempting, especially with her breathing her words into his ear like that. This woman got under his skin, she didn't have to try. She was arousing without even knowing it, and he loved that. He was wavering between potentially breaking himself further or letting his burden go, he wasn't sure which it would be, when she pulled away. He whimpered slightly, and then could almost hear her smile. The whimper was quickly replaced with a deep sigh of content when she carefully set his hair free and began running her fingers through the thick, crimson locks. Previously unbeknownst to him, he greatly enjoyed the sensation. He'd never let any woman do that, he'd never been so close to anyone. And here Kaoru was, taking the liberty as if he were any normal man. Of course, he had told her that she was to take consideration in bringing him pleasure, he remembered. She was certainly fulfilling that part of his requirements well.  
  
"Kenshin? Will you tell me?" she asked as she dragged her nails down his scalp and neck.  
  
"Mmm, that isn't really fair," he groaned. "You have the advantage right now."  
  
"It's alright, you don't have to say anything," she said.  
  
And that was all he needed to break. That she would let him choose, that she cared enough to give him the option. No one had been so unselfish toward him in such a long time. This was the woman he was meant to be with, like it or not.  
  
"Damn," he whispered. "I didn't want that to happen."  
  
"Want what?"  
  
"Semi-mortals have what humans would define as a set of rules. One of the rules is that we don't get to choose who we l... are attracted to."  
  
"Me?"  
  
He didn't answer, but sank his weight against her, closing his eyes and turning his head into her neck. What would happen tomorrow, he didn't know, but at that moment, he was happy. For the first time in centuries, he was fairly certain that the emotion he was feeling was happiness. He would have fallen asleep, with her stroking his hair so softly, but she shifted restlessly. One of his amber eyes cracked open to look at her.  
  
"You're heavy," she complained. "And I'd like a bath before I go to sleep, I feel like I'm caked with dirt."  
  
Rumbling discontentedly, Battousai moved to let her stand and gather her things. She grabbed a smaller bag out of her 'luggage' and a clean yukata, and headed for the hall. Just before she slid the shoji open, she stopped and turned her head back to look at him.  
  
"Thank you Kenshin."  
  
"Battousai," he replied. She frowned slightly, but didn't say anything. She'd thought that maybe she'd be able to revert him to the man he once was, but obviously that wouldn't be so easy.  
  
As she left, Battousai slumped against the wall. He rubbed his forehead in confusion; he needed some time to think. She'd gotten him to open up more than he had in all of his life, or at least as far as he cared to remember. And he'd let her call him Kenshin twice. Damn it all, he really was letting her melt him. Part of him liked it more than words could express, but the other part was scared. For the first time in the better part of two hundred years, the legendary Hitokiri Battousai was scared. All because of one small woman who threatened to turn his world upside down.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Ohhhhh the fluff. I couldn't help myself, I happen to love fluffyness. Yes, this fic is supposed to be dark, but I mean, come on, if it's dark ALL THE TIME it's going to be really depressing. Plus, I'd be getting deeper into my strange and twisted imagination, and you REALLY don't want to see that. Seriously. I mean, yeah, some of it's cool, but there is some stuff that would get me kicked off ff.net three times over, and I happen to like it here. You guys are awesome. Merf... (stole that one from my friend...) I'm thinking next chapter is going to be a lemon. I'm in a lemony mood lately. By the way, I saw Master and Commander, and it ROCKED! I highly recommend it, unless you're really squeamish. Then you may want to sit out. I, of course, was sitting there on the edge of my seat thinking "Blood. Gore. Amputation with a slicey thing. FUN!" while the people around me covered their eyes. Yeah... 


	9. Release

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: I can't think of anything clever and witty. So sue me. No, really. Please don't do that. All I have is the money I'm saving for Xmas presents and to go to Japan, my car (which, technically, is in my dad's name), my horse, and my computer. Let's not go stealing other people's stuff.  
  
Warning: Contrary to what I may have led people to believe, I'm just as sick as anyone who enjoys lemons. After all, I'm writing them, aren't I? (::pauses to listen to the radio:: That is the third time I've heard this song in two hours, two times being on the SAME STATION. What is with radio stations and "I'll Be Home For Christmas"?!) Anyhow, yes. Lemon content in this chapter. If I get kicked of FF.net... I'm screwed O_o Oh well, that's how much I love you guys. Just... nobody tell or anything.)  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Nine: Release  
  
Kaoru sank deep into the hot, relaxing bath water and breathed a quiet sigh. What had just gone on in there? A faint smile traced her lips when as she closed her eyes. He'd looked so adorable; it felt good to her to make him look that way. For the first time since she'd met him, he'd looked happy. So there was a heart in that man, and one that needed her love. That made her, in turn, happy, because she could help him, and maybe do a favor to Japan by creating less murders. At least, she hoped she could. But he didn't seem to be like a normal man in that respect. There was not a single physical sign of remorse about him when he talked about killing. It was as if humans were so far beneath him that he felt no more about slaughtering them than he did crushing a bug under one of his wooden sandals.  
  
'As much as I disapprove of that, that being the case, I cannot force him to change,' she deliberated. 'He is what he is, and I'm not in the place to tell him any otherwise. I do feel so sorry for him. Do I love him?' she couldn't help but wonder this once again.  
  
"Yes," she whispered to the steam that rose from the rippling surface of the water. She stirred it with her hand. "Despite all his harshness, and his being a hitokiri, I'm in love with the Battousai. I don't know how it could possibly have happened, but I think I've loved him since the very beginning, as if I had no choice in the matter. Damn."  
  
***  
  
Battousai let himself flop down on his back, his loose hair spreading about him like a halo, the color of drying blood. With a disgruntled sigh he let his eyes slip closed, and began to debate with himself mentally. His lips turned upward in a slight smile as he recalled the fell of her delicate fingers running through his hair, and her nails scraping gently at his skin. The very thought sent delightful shivers down his spine, that woman certainly knew how to get to him, whether she was aware of that fact or not. That made him wonder if he was in love with her, which was becoming a growing concern.  
  
'Shit. I can't believe I've fallen in love with a human woman,' he thought. 'How could that have happened?'  
  
But he knew that this was something that was beyond his control. He didn't even want to think about the future anymore, and he was tired of remembering the past. Yet the past haunted him always, he didn't think he'd ever be rid of it. Maybe that was the way his life was supposed to be. Collecting knowledge of the world and the universe and all that it encompassed, he knew that was one of his tasks, but was he supposed to keep re-opening old wounds like he was constantly doing? Somehow he didn't think that seemed right.   
  
"Tonight," he thought aloud. "I'll let her know some of my past tonight. But she mustn't find out that I love her, that can never happen."  
  
He silenced himself as he heard the shoji slide open, but he didn't bother to move from where he was sprawled across the futon. The only movement he made was that of his eyelids, which opened to let him watch Kaoru put her things away. Still damp from her bath, her raven hair had been left down, and it spilled gracefully over her shoulder.  
  
"Feel better, lovely?" he asked lazily.  
  
Kaoru looked at him and nodded, tossing her hair back over her shoulder with her free hand absently. Battousai watched her for a few more minutes as she found a brush and set to removing the tangles from her long mane. He laid in silence, wincing just slightly when she winced, knowing from experience how much the task could hurt. After surveying her struggle for a few moments more, he sat up.  
  
"Come here," he said, motioning for her to sit in front of him. She submitted. "Time to return the favor," he spoke quietly, leaning forward to whisper in her ear and to take the comb from her hand.  
  
Starting at the bottom, he slowly and gently pulled the comb through her hair, stroking her head with his free hand. Despite her hair's length, he quickly removed all the tangles and soon was just running the comb through what he'd come to think of as ebony colored silk. After a moment he dropped the comb to the side and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back to him so he could bury his nose in her hair.  
  
"I love the way you smell," he said huskily, breathing deeply.   
  
"Do you?" It wasn't really a question, and they both knew it. Battousai turned Kaoru around and lifted her into his lap, forcing her to straddle his body. She placed both hands on his gi, fingers splayed against his chest. He let her be the first to move, for some reason he wanted this to be slow tonight. Though he'd always had a thirst for roughness, she was different, this night was different. She was unwinding him cautiously. It was a good feeling.  
  
The air was charged, they could both feel it. Kaoru gently pushed Battousai down and laid herself against his body. Then she stopped and rested her head against his chest, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. He reached up and wrapped his arms around her, content to just hold her for the moment. It felt so right to have her in his embrace, but how could it be any other way? They were meant to be together, since before she was even born. The thought was a bit discomfiting, but he ignored it, focusing instead on the rhythmic beating of her heart.  
  
"Tell me who you are, Battousai," she said quietly, her lips brushing his skin where his gi was falling open. She traced a finger down his chest and back up, drawing lazy circles on his flesh.  
  
"I am everything you fear and everything you hate," he replied. "Darkness and spite, cruelty and ingratitude. Loneliness and coldness. Broken. I am broken."  
  
"Do you need me?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How so?" She pressed a chaste kiss to his lips and then laid her head back down.  
  
"You make me feel again."  
  
He felt her smile again his skin, it was the most indulgent feeling. His moved his arms to stroke her back.  
  
"I want to know why you're broken," she said it in a way that made it seem as if she were asking; he appreciated that.  
  
"Because I am alone, always alone. Because I hate and hide myself away. Because I shun attachment and interaction."  
  
"And that's why you're a hitokiri?" she asked now in earnest.  
  
"No," his reply was swift and resolute. "I am a hitokiri because I embrace death and love to kill. Blood calls to me. It is nothing more, and nothing less. There is no pure-hearted ideal behind my profession, nor is there any sad tale that has brought me to what I am. If I didn't enjoy it, I wouldn't do it."  
  
Kaoru didn't move, didn't speak. She seemed to be deep in contemplation. He reached up and angled her head so he could see her face, and asked if that bothered her. To his great surprise, she shook her head negatively. And then he realized that she was the only person that had ever accepted him. Did it truly not matter to her? He decided that he didn't care whether it did or not when she shifted and slowly began to kiss him.  
  
Her kiss was so completely selfless he couldn't even respond. As he laid there, she gently stroked his lips with her tongue, then pushed past his lips and delved into his mouth, brushing against his gums. He heaved a shuddering sigh as she went further, caressing his tongue with hers. Less than a fraction of a second longer he remained still, and then became a flurry of motion. His eyes snapped open, burning with hunger and desire, and his hands were everywhere at once, on her head, on her back, sweeping down her legs. He scraped his teeth lightly over her tongue, eliciting a low moan that reverberated under his hands on her back.  
  
When she pulled back for air, he took the moment to speak, "Beautiful, you're so beautiful." His voice was dark and strained, she could tell he was holding himself back. A parody of his trademark smirk graced her face; she was going to test that restraint.  
  
Battousai knew what that smirk meant, he'd worn it enough himself, and he quickly decided that the idea was favorable. So he took his hands from her back and indolently placed them under his head. "As I've said before, I'm yours. Do with me what you will." It was hard for him to say those words under the current circumstances, but he managed to sound more or less at ease.  
  
Not needing to be told twice, Kaoru resumed trailing her fingers up and down his chest, one hand resting under his gi and the other lightly tickling his flesh. He sucked in a sharp breath, for one so inexperienced, she knew how to tease him. A few moments of that delicious torment and she ceased, pushing his gi open further and bending her head low. Her lips opened over his throat and she swirled her tongue around his pulse point, pausing to suck the skin between her lips every once in a while. With a smile, she noted that his breathing had shortened. Almost reluctantly she trailed her tongue over his collar bone, and then down his chest to circle one nipple. He groaned, using all of his will not to move his hands from under his head. He'd made a promise, in some respects, and he would not go back on that. Not with her.  
  
'Fuck,' he cursed mentally. 'This is going to be the most damned difficult promise I've ever kept.'  
  
Stripping him of his gi, she traced the contours of his muscles, dragging her hands over them slowly. Taking note of where he flinched and didn't, she sat up, eyed him strangely, and suddenly flew at him, tickling him as hard as she could.  
  
"What the fuck?!" He pushed at her hands and tried to hold back a hoarse laugh that managed to escape anyhow. "Stop that!" Now this was different. He'd never in all of his life been tickled. How she managed to do it and still arouse him was way over his head, but she was doing a masterful job of it. And he couldn't remember the last time he'd actually laughed.  
  
Both of them breathing heavily, he grabbed her hands and forced her to stop. A grin lit her face and she pushed him back down. "I'm not done with you yet."  
  
Her hair brushing against his abdomen, she set to work removing the rest of his clothing. Unable to stand her struggling, it was taking too long, he pushed her hands aside and finished it himself, tossing his clothes aside carelessly. Lying down on him again, she stroked his entire body with hers, pulling another groan from him. He wanted so badly to torture her as much as she was him, but she wouldn't let him. He growled when she shifted off of him, but she paid it no heed, and moved to meet his mouth in another kiss. Before he was even able to respond to it, she paused and lifted her head to look in his eyes.  
  
"I want you to kiss me like you did earlier," she said.  
  
"When earlier?" he panted.  
  
"When I could feel how lonely you are, right before that girl brought dinner."  
  
'So that was how she knew.'  
  
"That was the most beautiful thing I've ever felt," she whispered.  
  
He had no choice but to comply, and he moved his arms to crush her to him, letting her feel just how much pain he held in his heart. It was hard to be afraid when she said it that way. In a flash, he understood what she meant. Her clothed body pressing against his naked one, him sucking on her tongue fiercely, he knew exactly how she felt. And it really was beautiful, in a tormented and desperate way. She moaned loudly, attempting to get closer to him. His arms tightened until she thought she might break, but that couldn't stop their fiery kiss. Their tongues battled until their lungs burned for precious oxygen and Kaoru pulled away.   
  
Breath coming in short pants, she moved down his body again, more quickly this time. He groaned as she ran her tongue from the base to the tip of his manhood slowly, circling the tip before sucking it into her mouth. He gasped for air, and steadied himself enough to speak to her.  
  
"Take all of me," he commanded, not being able to play the submissive role any longer. "That's it, draw all of me into your mouth."  
  
His dark voice was compelling and she obeyed swiftly, causing him to grab the back of her head, moving her gently. She smiled, earning another groan from low in his throat, and sucked harder.  
  
"Sweet goddess," he panted. Using all of the restraint he had within him, he yanked her head away and pulled her into his arms. For a few moments he forced her to lie still while he attempted to bring himself back under control. A few shaky breaths later and he smiled down at her. "Not just yet, love." He glanced at her, taking in her disheveled appearance, and then frowning at her loosened kimono. "Look at you, still wearing so many clothes." His tone was disapproving. "Get up." She unsurely followed his directions. "Will you take them off, or will I be doing it?"  
  
Her eyes darkened, and she shook her head. "I'll do it." He recognized the sly, sultry tone of her voice. Slowly, as if she knew exactly what to do, she removed each article of her clothing in a terpsichorean way. His amber eyes burned fiercely as he watched her from where he lay. At the instant she finished, he held out his hand to her. "Come."  
  
She took his hand and he jerked her down on top of him, catching her easily. "I'm going to show you how it felt," he whispered in her ear, right before flipping her over.  
  
He worked his way down slowly, nipping at her skin, suckling at her ear. She moaned and made to grab at his hair as he licked in between her breasts, but he made a disapproving noise, and took her wrists in one hand, holding them above her head. She squirmed as he circled her breast with his tongue, and then took it in his mouth, sucking impatiently. Kaoru bit her lip.  
  
"Don't, love," he demanded, lifting his head momentarily. "Moan for me." His voice dropped to a whisper as her eyes slid shut. "I want to hear your pleasure."  
  
She assented and he scraped his teeth across her nipple and moved to her other breast, giving it the same attention. Suddenly he stopped, making her whimper, and kissed his way down her body. He moved his hands from her wrists to stroke her body as he made his way further down. She gasped as she realized what he was going to do, but made no move to stop him, she was too far gone. He grinned as he searched her folds with his tongue; her voice was getting hoarser, he noted. Pausing just a moment, he kissed her sweetly, and the delved his tongue inside her, loving the way she shook slightly and cried out his name in low tones. He stroked her with his tongue, reveling in her taste, until she climaxed and screamed out his name. Lapping up her juices, he dragged his tongue back up her body, giving her time to relax.   
  
"That was beautiful," he whispered when he was level with her mouth again, before pushing his tongue against her lips and capturing her in another kiss.  
  
His hands rubbed up and down her body, quickly setting her on fire again. She whimpered, murmuring half-inane, pleading words into his mouth. He rubbed the tip of his erection against her slick folds and she cried out, wanting to feel him so deeply inside her. One hand on her cheek and the other on her hip, he steadied her, and kissed her as he slid slowly inside.  
  
"Mmm, Battousai," she mumbled. "Please."  
  
He knew what she desired, but first wanted to hear her say it. "Please what, lovely?"  
  
"Please Battousai!" she gasped. He just stared at her as if he didn't understand. She moaned in frustration as he slowly stroked in and out of her. "Battousai!"  
  
"What?" he asked, feigning innocence. That lasted only a few seconds before he wore a wicked grin. "Say it, I want to hear all of your fantasies, love."  
  
"Oh gods," she mewled. "Please Battousai, faster," she gasped. "I need to feel it faster, harder."  
  
His smile widened. It pleased him greatly to hear how he'd turned that shy little virgin he'd first met into this hellcat. And with the way she'd asked, there was not a chance he'd deny her. He'd do anything to hear that gasping, desperate plea. He increased his pace, thrusting into her quickly, delighting in the feel of her so tight around him, and in the sound of her gasps and moans that were increasing in frequency and volume. He reached down and slid one of her legs around his waist, groaning himself at the increased pleasure. Feeling Kaoru approaching her climax, he leaned down to whisper to her.  
  
"Don't be shy, scream for me. I want... need to hear you."  
  
His words sent her over the edge, and she screamed out his name loudly. A few more furious thrusts and he joined her, groaning out her name in a low voice as he dropped heavily upon her. They lay that way for several minutes, slick with sweat and panting, until Battousai rolled to her side. Kaoru drew in a sharp breath.  
  
"You should have told me if you couldn't breathe," he chided.   
  
"Mmm," Kaoru wordlessly consented. "It felt good."  
  
Battousai chuckled as he reached for a blanket and pulled it up over both of them. This time he didn't wait for her to sleep before he kissed her forehead and began stroking her hair. He smiled as she pulled close to him and snuggled against his chest. Wrapping his arms around her, he drew her as close as possible.  
  
"Sleep well, love," he whispered.  
  
"You've never called me that before," she replied. "I like it."  
  
"Hn?"  
  
"Love," she said around a yawn. "I like the way you say it."  
  
"Oh." He wasn't sure exactly what to say. "If you like it, I'll use it more often."  
  
She smiled and placed a hand on his chest as she gave herself up to the bliss that was sleep. He followed quickly, still eager to take refuge from reality for a few hours, even if his reality was steadily changing for what seemed the better.   
  
*****  
  
A/N: Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! Better this time, ne? I was much more pleased, and this was good fun to write. (What a twisted person I am... Ah, can't be helped.) I'm a bit hesitant about putting this up on FF.net, simply because lemons are well... not really supposed to exist on here... so I may wind up moving it or taking it down. But in this story, it's important to the plot, and used for literaryish purposes, so it's going up anyhow. If I get shown the door, so to speak, you'd better believe I'm gonna put up one HELL of a fight, and I'd hope some of you would too. Anyhow, enough of me calling out the mods and that shit ^^ I'm really not disrespectful. I think. Maybe O_o Hope you enjoyed this break for smut, because things are about to get hairy for Battousai and Kaoru, if I can work this plot the way I'm planning. Ja! 


	10. Sunlight

The Devil's Workshop   
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: I'm thinking... no.  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Ten: Sunlight   
  
Warmth flooded into Battousai's body as he slowly returned to the realm of consciousness and contemplation. A slightly puzzled but decidedly happy smile etched itself on his face as he looked down at Kaoru, who had moved to lie on his chest while she slept. Lifting his hand to run his fingers through her hair that spilled itself across him in a silk waterfall, he let himself be immersed in thoughts of the previous night. How this delicate yet fiery woman had captured his heart, he was unsure. Though he'd been emboldened before, and let himself reveal some of his secrets, he felt his old fears come rushing back with the rising of the sun.   
  
He squinted as light filtered into the room; he'd long been a creature of the night, rarely being caught in the sun for extended lengths of time. In addition to this, his kind were prone to light sensitivity, thus he much preferred moonlight to the harsh rays of the daystar. Turning his head, he hid his face in Kaoru's hair and attempted in vain to reclaim the vestibule of sleep. He heard Kaoru sigh and felt her stir in awakening.   
  
'Damn. Now she's going to want to talk... to know about my past.'   
  
Still unaware of her surroundings as she woke, Kaoru turned her head and was surprised to find herself nose-to-nose with Battousai.   
  
"Sleep well?" He didn't sound overly pleased.   
  
"Yes," she yawned. 'What could be bothering him?' "Is something wrong?"   
  
"Just like a woman," Battousai snorted, even though he'd never been with another woman long enough to be able to compare the two. "Perhaps I should have stuck with the whores in Kyoto. They never asked questions."   
  
Kaoru looked hurt, and she didn't even try to hide it in the least. But her hurt never stayed long, she wasn't that type of woman. Anger quickly replaced the pain she was feeling.   
  
"Excuse me for caring about you," she snapped. Sitting up, she jabbed him in the chest with her index finger. "If you've ever wondered why you're always alone and are so broken, I believe you've just found the answer to your question."   
  
Brushing away heated tears, Kaoru stood, grabbed her things, and made for the door. Before she'd taken two steps, Battousai leapt to his feet and grabbed her by the waist, spinning her and pulling her to him. She dropped her bag in surprise and soon found herself tangled in a kiss that was half rough, as if he were trying to be tender, but had never learned how. She found her anger dispersing as she felt the urgent need to teach him to love.   
  
'Damn. How does he do that to me?'   
  
With a deep sigh that was half content and half regret, Battousai pulled away to rest his forehead against hers. "You know I didn't mean that the way it came out, love. Besides, you seem to have forgotten that you're my woman. Mine," he growled this into her ear. "And I won't have anyone seeing my woman naked as you are." His eyes raked appreciatively down her body; in her anger she'd, somehow, forgotten to don any clothing before she'd tried to storm out of the room.   
  
Kaoru took her turn to sigh. "Then I'm sorry as well. I didn't mean the things I said, they were cruel."   
  
"No. They were true. Just because I'm a heartless bastard doesn't mean that you are a liar."   
  
Kaoru removed herself from his arms with some difficulty. "You may be a bastard, but I wouldn't say that you're entirely heartless." She stepped back to him and reached up to stroke the hair behind his ear. "You've never learned how to be any other way. Let me teach you. Let me love you."   
  
"Fine," he replied. "Love me all you want." He carefully avoided telling her that she had gained his love, but he wondered if somehow she already knew. "You can feel however you want towards me if you'll continue you treating me like you did last night." The familiar smirk was on his face again.   
  
At that point, Kaoru normally would have reddened, but deep in her heart she knew of his love, instinctively, and that coupled with how sorrowful she knew him to be was enough to steal most of her reserve. Instead of blushing, she smiled seductively, which startled Battousai, though he didn't show.   
  
"So you enjoyed that, did you?" she asked softly.   
  
"More than you could imagine," Battousai breathed across the skin of her neck, which he'd slowly started kissing. Kaoru whimpered as he applied his tongue fleetingly. "We could repeat that," he suggested. "We have plenty of time to spare, we're not leaving until nightfall."   
  
"Mmm," Kaoru considered for just a second before he dragged his tongue up her neck and began biting softly at her ear. "Ohh, you bastard. This isn't fair..." her complaints trailed off as he gathered her into his arms and carried her to the futon.   
  
***   
  
Kaoru couldn't remember walking so much or being so tired in all her life. Battousai refused to stop several times and was now following behind her with a hand on her back, practically shoving her forward. Sometimes she just felt like screaming obscenities at him, but somehow she figured that it would have little to no effect on him, save perhaps to bring him amusement. She settled for an attempt at civilized conversation.   
  
"Where are we going anyhow?" She was unable to recognize roads and routes, never having had time to travel often.   
  
"Kyoto," came the abrupt answer.   
  
"Why?"   
  
"I have business there," he said evasively.   
  
"What kind? With who?" She was absolutely relentless.   
  
"I'm a hitokiri," he said simply. "I doubt you'd be interested or trusted."   
  
"You don't trust me?"   
  
"Did I say that?"   
  
"In a roundabout way, yes, I think so."   
  
"So be it, then."   
  
"Bastard."   
  
He sighed, this was becoming irritating. 'If she wasn't so good in bed, I'd tie her up and leave her.' But he knew he was lying to himself. "If you must know, I'm going to speak to some of the members of the Oniwabanshuu. Heard of them?"   
  
Kaoru nodded. "I've heard some..."   
  
"Yes, well, there's a girl with them that's not much younger than you, perhaps you can befriend her."   
  
"Wait. You actually care about me?"   
  
Battousai stopped and grabbed her by the elbow, drawing her roughly to his chest. "Never ask that again," he growled, his mouth merely inches from hers. "You are the most important thing to me. If I haven't made that clear, I'm saying it plainly now, so listen. You are my sanity."   
  
Kaoru couldn't stop a few tears from escaping her eyes; Battousai kissed them away. Something inside him had snapped, he was finally spilling his heart to her.  
  
***** 


	11. Shades Of Torment

The Devil's Workshop   
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: You know what... I don't have time for this. No disclaimers from this chapter until we get to chapter... twenty-one I think. No A/Ns either.  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Eleven: Shades of Torment   
  
"So this is Kyoto," Kaoru muttered under her breath. "He dragged me across miles upon miles of countryside for this?"   
  
"Yes, Kaoru." She swore quietly, she kept forgetting that Battousai wasn't human. He smirked yet again. "I'd suggest you walk closer to me, love. There are plenty of men here that would gladly take you, but not from me."   
  
She noticed that his eyes were nearly closed, yet he could still make his way through the crowd expertly and with little effort. "Why is it that you can walk Kyoto in daylight?" she questioned, remembering that he had never been out in other towns unless under the cover of darkness.   
  
"It's a long story," he replied. "It's not that I'm accepted, but I've made a deal of sorts, and I've got contacts with the Oniwabanshuu, so I can move about at my own free will."   
  
"I see," she mused. She paused for half a second and then continued walking at his insistent tug on her arm. "Why do you have your eyes closed?"   
  
"The light hurts," he snapped. "Haven't I told you that before?"   
  
"Yes, I suppose you have. I'm sorry." Kaoru fell silent.   
  
Battousai kept increasing his pace and lengthening his stride until Kaoru nearly had to run to keep up with him. He was fairly dragging her along by the hand when he stopped abruptly before a large inn. Kaoru glanced at the sign to see that it read "Aoiya." Battousai simply barged right in; he obviously knew his place in the order of things, she snorted.   
  
"Battousai-san," a female voice said from off to their right. He halted and Kaoru ran into his back; he didn't move a single inch.   
  
"Misao." He acknowledged her with a slight jerk of his head. "I'm here to speak with..."   
  
But Misao cut him off before he could finish, "Oh! And you've brought someone with you this time! Is this your woman?"   
  
'Cheeky little thing,' Kaoru thought, somewhat bewildered and taken aback by the girl's behavior.   
  
Battousai glared at Misao and ignored her question. "This is Kamiya Kaoru. Kaoru, this is Makimachi Misao. Now. Misao, I'm here to speak with Aoshi, I was trying to say before you interrupted." His eyes narrowed dangerously at her.   
  
"Sorry Battousai-san!" Kaoru had a feeling that this Misao didn't hold as much fear of Battousai as he'd like her to. She almost giggled at the thought, but managed to refrain.   
  
As Misao led Battousai to the room where Aoshi was currently meditating, all the while muttering something about his never doing anything else, Kaoru stood forgotten. Shifting her weight from foot to foot uncomfortably, she looked around her half-heartedly, hoping that either Battousai or Misao would return soon. She would prefer Battousai, but at least she had been introduced to Misao. This was not a situation that was high on her list of things to repeat anytime soon.   
  
'What am I DOING here?!' she wondered, the full impact of the last few weeks hitting her, finally. 'I've willingly become Battousai's woman, and allowed him to drag me across Japan and treat me as he wishes. I gave up my father's sword style and have completely changed as a person. What the hell could I possibly have been thinking?!' She sank slowly to the floor as the realization came to her, sending her into a mild state of what might be considered shock. Teardrops began streaming down her face as she dropped her head into her hands and tried to stop herself from bursting into sobs. 'How did it come to this?' She wasn't really sure, but she knew that she had let her emotions take control and that she had gotten herself into a complicated mess. 'But I love him. Does that justify my betrayal to my father? Would Battousai have killed me if I refused to come? What do I do now?' The amount of questions she had far outnumbered the amount of answers she had. A huge upheaval was going on in her heart and mind, and it was causing her to break down, which she didn't like one little bit.   
  
Soon she heard footsteps approaching, and she quickly tried to compose herself, but it seemed to be of no use. She looked up with a helpless expression to see Misao staring down at her, concern inscribed in her face and eyes. Kneeling down and setting a hand on Kaoru's shoulder, she was swift to offer her shoulder to cry on and wrapped Kaoru in a warm hug. It wasn't as healing as Battousai's embrace, Kaoru noted, but it felt good to be cared for, even if she'd only just met Misao.   
  
"Has Battousai done something to upset you?" Misao asked. "I know it's not really any of my business..."   
  
"No, it's ok," Kaoru said, offering her a wavering smile. "I don't really know if it's Battousai or myself anymore," she sighed.   
  
Misao grinned. "Say it's Battousai's fault, it's always better to blame a man."   
  
Kaoru giggled with her. "He can be such a jackass, can't he?" Her tears were beginning to fade.   
  
"Uhm..." Misao started. "Battousai-san requested that you two be given a room to share. Is that... alright?"   
  
Kaoru nodded, so Misao offered to show Kaoru the way, and the two walked off down the hall, laughing and chattering as if they'd know each other for years instead of just a few minutes.   
  
***   
  
Battousai listened solemnly as Aoshi intoned the details. This was serious, more serious than he'd first thought; he frowned. This didn't slip past Aoshi's notice, that the usually faceless Battousai seemed upset by the turn of events, but he let it pass, unwilling to bring up such a trivial matter at a time such as this one. Information could at least be attempted to be cajoled out of the Battousai later, at the moment there were more important things to discuss.   
  
"Here?" Battousai leaned forward to ask. "What makes you so sure they've set their sights on Kyoto? Why not Tokyo or any other large city?"   
  
Aoshi spread a map out over the table. "You know why, Battousai. Because you're here, and you can be here without causing panic. They don't want the city, they want you. Don't pretend you think otherwise."   
  
Battousai smoothed his palms over the map and furrowed his brow in concentration. "So then..." he said, his voice barely above than a whisper. "I'm wanted not only here, but by the Chinese as well."   
  
"You haven't exactly been too friendly with them," Aoshi stated dryly.   
  
Battousai grinned, remembering the blood he'd spilled on the shores of China, the taverns he'd left in disarray, and all the pretty women he'd had in his bed. His smile faltered at the last thought, but he pushed Kaoru from his mind. If she was going to live, he would have to focus on the matter at hand.   
  
"When, Aoshi? And who exactly are we after?"   
  
"A small group sent by the Chinese government to secure your assassination. They been ordered to burn and slash everything and everyone that stands in their way, obviously they mean to drag the whole city down with you. We don't have much information on them." He paused. "In fact, we don't have anywhere near a satisfactory amount. All I've been told thus far is that they are about two dozen strong, and are superbly skilled at their craft. Usually I would say that they'd be no trouble for you, especially if I stood at your side, but I can't be sure this time. I'm sensing that something is not quite right. They're far too elusive to be normal warriors, and I don't like the fact that we haven't been able to gather more information on them. I've sent out some of my men, but they're proving to be exceptionally difficult to track down. If we hear anything more, I will be sure to let you know."   
  
Battousai blinked. This must have been serious, because it was typically easier to get a cow to say as much as Aoshi just had rather than force Aoshi to say it himself. And he hadn't even had to pry, or, much less, ask at all. 'Kaoru...' he thought fleetingly. "What do you suggest the plan of action be?"   
  
"Nothing just yet. We'll wait and see what my men can learn, decide how much of a threat this is, and then plan to eliminate them."   
  
"Where are they now?"   
  
"Fukui. A good way from here, so you're safe for now. But they move fast, so I don't know how long we'll have. I'll keep you updated as best I can."   
  
"I see. I trust your judgement, Aoshi." Battousai turned to leave, but Aoshi stopped him.   
  
"I wouldn't let your woman out of your sight unless you've left her under someone's care, Battousai," he said, his voice flat. "She'll be the first target."   
  
Battousai nodded curtly and slid the shoji open, making for his usual room only to be stopped by an anxious-looking Misao. 'Well this can't be good. Have I ever seen the girl without a demented smile?'   
  
"Battousai-san!" she exclaimed. "It's Kaoru-chan!" He glared at her, and she quickly corrected herself. "Kaoru-san." He didn't care what Misao called her when he wasn't around, but in his presence, at least, she would be referred to with more respect. He was peculiar that way.   
  
"What about her?"   
  
"I... she... well..."   
  
"Is she hurt?" he asked sharply.   
  
"No, that's not it," Misao was beginning to babble, and it was becoming intensely annoying. "We were talking and then she just started crying and she had been before but she stopped and I tried to comfort her but she just kept sobbing and I'm worried that something's wrong."   
  
"Misao!" Battousai snapped. "Take a goddamned breath, slow down, and for the love of the gods just go do something else!"   
  
"But... Kaoru-san..."   
  
"I am perfectly capable, just go!" he ground out, curling his hands reflexively.   
  
Misao noted this and quickly skittered off down the hall. Today was not looking to be the best day Battousai had seen.   
  
"Shit," he muttered under his breath, stalking towards their room. He burst in and closed the shoji behind him, and stared down at Kaoru huddled in a pathetic ball at his feet. Crouching next to her, he cupped her chin with his palms, gently lifting her head to look in her eyes.   
  
"What could possibly be wrong, love?" he said softly.   
  
"Everything," she spat. "Think about it. I miss my home, I've failed my father, and I have no more purpose in life other than to be Battousai's bitch. What could be wrong? What COULDN'T be wrong?!"   
  
Battousai's eyes swirled with a mixture of hate and hurt for just a second before he closed it off. "I'm sorry to hear you feel that way. I thought we'd been through this. You're more to me than just a woman to warm my bed, sweetling. It seemed that you'd realized that, but you keep dragging back up these trivial things."   
  
"Trivial?" Now Kaoru looked utterly wounded. "My home and family are trivial?"   
  
Battousai sighed. "Come, lovely, you know that such things have never been important to me. It's part of my nature. I didn't mean to hurt you."   
  
"But you did!" She was on the verge of shouting, shaking with tears and anger. "That's just the problem. Whenever I let my guard down you hurt me again, then claim it's 'against your nature' and you didn't mean it! I don't know if I believe you anymore Battousai-san."   
  
He winced. Battousai-san. That just didn't sound right coming out of her pretty mouth.   
  
"I'm trying, love, you have to believe that I really am."   
  
Kaoru flew to her feet, and he followed quickly, giving her a heated scowl. "Well then TRY HARDER!"   
  
It seemed like such finality as she stomped out of the room. Battousai stood in the center of the room that now seemed so empty without her, stunned into paralysis. He decided that conversation could have gone better, swore at himself, and set out to follow her. In the back of his mind, the words 'China,' 'assassins,' and 'Fukui' were swirling about, and he knew he had to tell Kaoru, but the only thing that mattered was to keep her from doing something stupid.   
  
'Really, what could she possibly do?' he asked himself. After a few long moments of thought he concluded. 'She could leave me. She could kill me with that.'   
  
So his step gained intensity and he rapidly went after her, hearing her muffled sobs and shuffling footsteps. He caught up to her just as she was about to slip out the entrance of the Aoiya. She gasped when his arms shot out and wrapped around her from behind, and tried to beat at him with her fists when he started dragging her back down the hall to their room.   
  
Throwing her down on the unrolled futon, he dropped to his knees by her side. A fearful look crossed her deep blue eyes and he noticed that she was trembling. It used to entice him, but her fear disgusted him now. No longer could he stand the terror that darted across her face every time he got angry or upset.   
  
"You will not leave me like that," he growled. "Do you realize how dangerous that is?"   
  
She looked quizzical.   
  
"There is a group of assassins from China after me right now, and I don't know who in the hells else wants my blood spilled in the dirt. You are my woman, and I'm sure people know it by now. They'll want to go for my weakness, and you'll be the first objective. You can't leave me... don't leave me..." his tone changed drastically.   
  
"I..."   
  
"Don't leave me... don't kill me..."   
  
Her eyes brightened, he didn't know it, but he'd said exactly the right thing. "I won't leave you," she whispered, sitting up and pulling her knees to her body. "What... what is this about the Chinese?"   
  
"A small group of highly skilled assassins have been hired to kill me. They're in Fukui right now, but eventually they'll become a problem. I don't know what will happen, but you must promise that you'll do whatever I tell you to."   
  
"I... promise. Please, Battousai, don't let them harm you. If I can't leave you, then you can't leave me."   
  
"Whatever will happen is going to happen, love. I don't control the might of the gods."  
  
***** 


	12. Drifting Memories

The Devil's Workshop   
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Twelve: Drifting Memories   
  
"Leaving?!" Kaoru cried. "Where are you going?!"   
  
Battousai took her hand in his and held it to his mouth. "Sh, love, calm down. I have to take care of that group of Chinese that I told you about, you knew that."   
  
"Then take me with you!"   
  
"I can't, darling, I can't risk your life," he said gently, trying his best to calm her. She was on the verge of hysteria, and that was the last thing he needed at the moment.   
  
"But you can risk yours?"   
  
"I promise you my life will be safe. I give you my word."   
  
Kaoru was crying now, but she tried so hard to hide it, knowing that he wanted his woman emotionless at all times. Fascinated, he watched her struggling internally, marveling that she would go to such lengths simply to please him. When had she given herself over to him so fully? Because she'd never admitted it, at least vocally, he couldn't be sure, but he could tell by her actions that she had finally broken down. She was his, from now until the end of time, and he would make sure it stayed that way. She broke into his thoughts with an odd, strangled sound; he looked at her and saw that she was choking back tears.   
  
"It's alright, love," he crooned, pulling her into his arms. "Go ahead and cry."   
  
"B-but you s-s-said..." she stammered.   
  
"Shh, pretty, I know." His voice was low and soothing. "You don't have to be strong for me, not right now."   
  
"Battousai," she whimpered, and burst into tears. He stroked her hair and rocked her body in his tight embrace while she clung to him with all the strength she possessed.   
  
Battousai sighed, this was turning out to be more difficult than he had thought it would. He'd never had trouble leaving a woman before, but now it felt like he was being torn to pieces. Most of him wanted to stay here, with her in his arms, and kiss away all of her fears. But his fierce protective nature would never allow that, because as long as he was with her and the Chinese assassins went unchallenged, she would be in danger. Another part of him, albeit minuscule, wanted to just get up and leave, run and never come back. Now matter how much he loved her, thought she might love him, he couldn't feel completely secure with her, for the simple fact that he did love her. He loved her so much to the point where it hurt, and that was frightening to him. Under normal circumsth knew it. He gave a low whistle. "Three weeks," he mused aloud. "And to think I have trouble keeping my hands off you."   
  
Kaoru blushed, this wasn't what she'd wanted to talk about. "Battousai, I was being serious."   
  
"So was I." He grinned. She slapped his shoulder lightly.   
  
"Tell me how you became Battousai," she whispered, stretching forward to press a quick kiss to his lips. "How you lost the name Kenshin."   
  
He sucked in a breath. "You aren't one to start easily, are you?" He seemed reluctant, and spent a few minutes deliberating on it. "If I tell you what you want to know, will you give me what I want?" he asked, his tone half teasing and half pained.   
  
"Yes."   
  
With a sigh, he slowly began stringing his words together, thinking carefully about how to tell his tale without confusing her.   
  
"I was Himura Kenshin over... oh... it must have been two hundred fifty years ago, at least. It may have been longer, but I haven't cared to remember that." He took her hand and held it to his lips as he spoke, occasionally darting his tongue out to caress her palm. "I was a normal man, at least to the extent that I can be, just another samurai serving loyally under my lord. Mind you that we were under the rule of the Tokugawa shogunate, so there was not a terrible need for my skills at the time." Kaoru nodded, her father had taught her enough history when she was young, she was by no means stupid. He saw the question in her eyes. "Sekigahara? Yes, love, I was there. But that's not the point of this story. I was nothing but a samurai like my fellows, I followed orders and observed the proper code of conduct strictly. The man you know now is nothing like the one I used to be. Believe it or not, I was polite and peaceful. But it wasn't enough for me after a while... Maybe you were right to bring up Sekigahara. Maybe it was never enough for me. I remember that battle clearly, I think that was the first time I really tasted blood, really noticed how beautiful it was, and how intoxicating the feeling of killing was." He paused for a moment to kiss her and flick his tongue out to lick the tip of her nose briefly.   
  
"Sides don't matter anymore, honestly it's difficult to remember whether I was fighting for Tokugawa Ieyasu, against him, or whether I was just there. That does seem to happen to me often, I tend to show up on the battlefield for hours at a time, I don't have to have a stance on the issue at all, as long as I can kill whomever I please." Kaoru's brow furrowed at the thought, but she didn't reprimand him, after all, she would be a fool to think she could change centuries' worth of instinct. "That's where I gained my thirst for blood, I think. And the life of a proper samurai very quickly grew tiresome and monotonous. I took the life of my own lord."   
  
Kaoru's eyes grew so wide he was afraid they might completely fall out of her head if she opened them any further. He silenced her growing protest by resting the fingers of his free hand against her lips. "Hush. You said you wanted to know about me, and I'm telling you. If you interrupt me, I'll stop. I've never told anyone this, so just shut up and feel privileged." She nodded silently, urging him to continue without actually having to speak. "I murdered him, and then when the others came after me, you are, I'm sure, aware of how fiercely loyal samurai are to their lords, even in death, when they came after me... I slaughtered them all."   
  
He closed his eyes for a moment, seeing himself once again standing among the bodies of countless felled samurai, each of which had died proudly for their lord. The overpowering scent of all the blood pooling at his feet came rushing back, it seemed almost tangible. In his mind he looked down at his hands and at his katana, both soaked crimson. Blood dripped from him, from his clothes, from his blade, from his hair even. There had been many of them. With a shake, he pulled himself back to the present world. Kaoru was simply staring at him incredulously.   
  
"That was the time I began to lose the man I was, Himura Kenshin was dying quickly. You remember my eyes the first time I came to your dojo?" She nodded. "Those were the eyes of a proud, honorable samurai. A samurai who gave his life over to the bloodlust so long ago. I can still feel it, smell it, taste it even." He was no longer speaking to Kaoru, he was talking to himself now. "It was beautiful, so much blood. That was the first time I'd seen so much blood out of battle, the bright moonlight illuminating it in hues of scarlet and silver." Kaoru fought down the urge to hit him, to stop his reminiscing. The way he spoke of it with such fondness disgusted her, and she tried hard to keep it off her face. Even though he was a hitokiri, she knew he must have feelings, and that he'd most likely be hurt if she showed her utter hatred of what he was so enamored with. Suddenly he seemed to snap out of his trance, returning to telling his story.   
  
"But that was not what killed Himura. His downfall was not my fault. It's not my fault, understand that. Not my fault..." he trailed off.   
  
"What's not your fault?" Kaoru asked, tracing his scarred cheek with one finger. He was finally getting to the heart of the matter, the true emotions instead of just the facts and the bloodlust. If she only wanted facts, she could have found them out from someone else, with enough effort. What she wanted to know was how he felt.   
  
"I didn't kill her," he whispered. "I didn't. It wasn't my fault. It's not my fault."   
  
"Battousai?" Kaoru moved into his lap and wrapped her arms around his waist, laying her head on his shoulder. "Who didn't you kill?"   
  
"My mother," he said, his voice catching. "It wasn't me, it wasn't my fault."   
  
Kaoru's breath stopped suddenly. His mother? She wasn't even aware that his kind could have a mother. But that was absurd, really, if she paused to think about it. He had to have parents, she supposed, and if he was semi-mortal, did that mean one had to be human?   
  
He steeled himself to continue. "She wasn't really my mother, not in the way that humans think of it at least. I don't truly have a mother." There went her theory. "But when I was young, I lived with a woman who acted as my mother. I wasn't Kenshin then... they called me Shinta." He took a deep, shuddering breath; she could tell this was very difficult for him. "But that was no name for a semi-mortal who excelled with a sword, so I changed it. It's been so very long, but I loved her. She accepted me, unlike everyone else I'd met. Even though I told no one, except for her, my secret, they could all sense it about me. When I would walk my lord's grounds at night, the other samurai would shy away from me, as if I were diseased. Maybe they could see it in my eyes. I don't know."   
  
"But my mother, she was special. She loved me of her own accord, and took care of me. Shortly after Sekigahara I disappeared, leaving her. As much as I wanted to protect her, I knew that she truly didn't need it, and I was nothing but a hindrance," he went on, if a bit haltingly. "I didn't know she would come looking for me, how could I know? I knew she loved me, but she was wise. I didn't know... I didn't know..."   
  
Kaoru cuddled closer to him, offering him silent comfort and strength. She could tell that it had been a long time since he'd relived this memory, and even longer since he'd spoken of it. His limbs were trembling slightly as he held on to her, as if she were his life. She hoped that was the truth of it, the thought gave her comfort.   
  
"They... When they found her... I found her... right after I killed my lord and all his samurai... I didn't know who she was. I swung, but I missed. I KNOW I missed. But she fell dead anyhow, she'd been stabbed through the head." Kaoru lifted her eyes to look into his face, and was utterly stunned to see him holding back tears. "I didn't kill her, I didn't do it, I know I didn't do it. It couldn't have been me, I missed... I missed... didn't... no... not me..." his voice choked and he stopped, burying his head in Kaoru's hair.   
  
"Battousai..." she whispered. She could feel his tears soaking through the shoulder of her kimono, but pretended that she didn't.   
  
'So that was it,' she thought, remembering when she'd decided he was like a little boy sometimes, so long ago in that inn in the town she hadn't known. 'This burden was the one that was reaching me, calling out to me to help heal.' It was pleasing to know that she could help him, that now she was the one giving comfort instead of the other way around.   
  
She gently stroked his hair and cheek where it was exposed. Feeling him press his face into her hand she smiled softly, carefully lifting his head to kiss his cheek where her fingers were before. He allowed her to see his tears, but kept his eyes shut. Something gave her the distinct feeling that his eyes were now a lovely hue of violet that he wouldn't want to share. That seemed to be one more thing that he would perceive as weakness, and she let it pass. He'd told and shown her so much already, she couldn't possibly ask for more. Slowly, using her lips, teeth, and tongue, she made him forget his tears.   
  
She made her way from his eyes down ever so carefully, building the passion between them so that when she reached his lips their mouths clashed savagely, grinding together almost dangerously. He groaned into her mouth from deep in his throat, and she knew he needed her now more than ever. But their quickly escalating frenzy of movement was cut short by a loud, insistent knocking. Glaring with eyes that were once more burning amber, Battousai growled, surely loud enough for the person doing the knocking to be able to hear.   
  
"What?" His tone was terse, clipped.   
  
"Battousai, it's time that we leave," Aoshi said, his tone not giving the slightest implication that he knew what he was interrupting, even though it was more than likely that he did.   
  
"Fuck," Battousai swore under his breath. "Couldn't he have come later?"   
  
"No, Battousai." Aoshi had heard him. "It is imperative that we leave now. Timing is of the utmost importance, you know that."   
  
"Right," he responded with a great sigh. "I'm aware."   
  
"If you aren't on the street by the entrance within five minutes, I'll send Misao to barge into your room no matter what."   
  
"Yes, Aoshi." Battousai was angrier than he'd been in a while, but disentangled himself from Kaoru's arms and stood to grab his few possessions that he'd earlier shoved into a sack and secure his katana and wakizashi at his waist. Kaoru got up and straightened herself out, and he took her hand in his as he slid the shoji open and made for the entrance to the Aoiya.   
  
Standing there in the street, with the wind whipping through his hair and ruffling his black gi, a murderous glint in his narrowed eyes, Kaoru had never seen Battousai look more feral or more beautiful. Impulsively, she threw her arms around him and locked her mouth against his. When she pulled away, he held her in his arms for a moment, looking down at her. She gazed steadily into his eyes.   
  
"Be careful, Battousai," she whispered. "Please be careful. I... love you."   
  
He blinked once in shock, lowered his head for one last smouldering kiss, and released her. He walked away briskly at Aoshi's side, leaving her standing by Misao and watching his retreating figure in desperation.   
  
"Don't worry Kaoru-chan," Misao said softly. "They'll be back."  
  
***** 


	13. Anguish

The Devil's Workshop   
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Thirteen: Anguish   
  
The sky was scarcely less than wholly blackened, Kaoru noted, with only a single dim star shining through the masses of clouds. Her hands twisted in the folds of her faded navy colored training gi, which she now wore constantly. It didn't seem worth the effort to tuck herself into a kimono when Battousai wasn't there to run an approvingly heated gaze over her. Closing her eyes, she leaned back against the rough bark of the tree she was sitting under. The momentary shiver that passed through her as she felt the bite of the chill wind went completely ignored. She just didn't care anymore. It was as if nothing held any meaning unless he was there with her. Almost as though he was the motivation behind everything she did and everything that happened. Like he was the reason for her existence. That thought was more than a little frightening, because not a month and a half ago she was a tough, independent girl that was fully capable of maintaining her own dojo and of teaching students in the Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu. Not that there had been any students at the time Battousai came, she reminded herself, but, in all seriousness, that was beside the point, though she wasn't exactly sure what the point was to begin with. Battousai was so confusing, and the feelings she had for him were even more puzzling than the man himself. She wasn't sure she could stand to think of him, yet she couldn't see anything but the beautifully daunting amber of his eyes that burned with so much pent-up hatred and hurt. She would give anything to lose herself in those eyes at that moment.   
  
A deep sigh escaped her, seeming to come from not only her throat but the very depths of her soul. Tracing her fingers in the dust and dying grass at her side, she wondered why she hadn't heard anything from Battousai, why he hadn't sent some sort of message, and why she couldn't do anything but idly pass the time and await his return. Her heart called out to him, but he was so far away. She knew he couldn't hear him. Still, she supposed that it certainly couldn't hurt anything, besides her heart and her spirit. And without him, why would she need either?   
  
"Battousai..."   
  
***   
  
Sometimes during his journey Battousai would get the feeling that Kaoru was thinking of him at that moment, and it was all he could do not to stop dead in his tracks and turn back. If he hadn't restrained himself, he would have run back to her several times.   
  
This wasn't like him, and he knew it. That irked him, because he'd sworn never to have a weakness, and, most especially, never to fall in love. But here he found himself, tracking down assassins, a normal task for him, and all the while longing to return to Kaoru, a feeling so unnatural to him that it tore at his mind.   
  
'How could it come to this?' he wondered. 'Why have I let myself get so far lost in this? In love with a mortal girl that I'd give my life to protect.' He was shocked at his own thoughts. 'My life?'   
  
For all his trying, he could not force himself to fall out of love with her, as much as he wished he could. The tangle of emotions, love, sorrow, anger, that they were in was so terribly deep and frighteningly complicated. And that also made their confusing relationship all the more risky, maybe even life-threateningly so. He couldn't help but wonder how it would all turn out in the end, and none of the outcomes he could come up with in his mind were too pleasant to think of. Still, he would love her until he died, which promised to be a good long time. It was unavoidable, all things considered, simply because he was semi-mortal.   
  
'Kaoru.' Even her name was beautiful to him, a prettily rounded word that encompassed all that she was when he carefully melted it into a shape and form within the confines of his mind. That was when he knew who she really was, who he really was, but he couldn't describe it to himself, much less anyone else. A name was nothing but meaningless letters until he made them something more, like liquid silver that flowed gracefully in soft curves that twisted and bent in mystifying ways. It hadn't taken him long to realize that he couldn't capture emotion in the bondage of syllables and unintelligible sounds. Those things weren't what was real, what was real took shape and form, was tangible and audible, was something he could run his hands over. He didn't know how to express this, but that didn't terribly matter in the dark and cold, when his outline faded to become one with the shapes of the trees bordering the road, when the world in their sleeping forgot of his existence and were content behind the shades of their eyes, their own blinders.   
  
"Battousai," Aoshi interrupted his thoughts. "You're losing yourself in her," he whispered, knowing that the Battousai wouldn't be pleased for the others of their company to overhear this conversation. "Don't let your senses slip so much. You aren't as alert as usual." With no more than that, he quietly moved away to the front of the group, leaving Battousai as a rearguard of sorts, with nothing to do but ponder his words.   
  
"Shit."   
  
***   
  
"Don't worry, Kaoru-chan, they're coming back, and probably sooner than we'd think," Misao said consolingly, noticing how upset Kaoru looked while sitting under the tree and jerking her out of her deep thoughts.   
  
"How can you be so sure?" Kaoru asked, head hung and voice low. "What if Battousai is killed?" Her tone was flat, almost painfully objective. It nearly brought tears to Misao's own eyes to hear Kaoru so depressed, it just wasn't like her.   
  
'And Aoshi,' a tiny voice in her head whispered. 'You're just as worried about Aoshi-sama.' Misao ignored the voice and seated herself next to Kaoru.   
  
"Battousai-san will be back," she said sagely, all the while gazing steadfastly out at the roiling clouds that threatened to spill upon them. "He love you, Kaoru-chan, so he'll be back. Besides, he's been on plenty more dangerous missions than this and has always returned. Something like this is nothing to him."   
  
"He loves me?" Kaoru seemed to have stopped hearing at that point. "Did he tell you that?"   
  
"Oh no, of course not," Misao chirped, almost overly happy for the situation. "But I could tell, call it a woman's intuition or something. Plus, everyone saw the way he kissed you." She nudged Kaoru, who flushed, with her elbow and gave her a sly wink. "The man is head over heels."   
  
Kaoru sighed and dropped her chin in her palm. "I certainly hope so. But that doesn't stop me from worrying."   
  
"Me either," Misao said quietly. Kaoru looked at her curiously and she quickly backtracked. "I mean, I just always worry for Aoshi-sama, since I've known him for so long and all."   
  
Kaoru stared intently at Misao, who once more became enraptured with the single star that flickered on the horizon. She decided it best not to ask questions, since she was fairly certain she knew what Misao was thinking about anyhow.   
  
"They're seeing that star right now," Kaoru whispered. "That one, tiny, hopeless star. I know so very well how it must feel..."   
  
***   
  
A small but persistent star hung low, just barely grazing the tops of the distant trees. It fought desperately to be seen through the thick cloud cover, but went unnoticed by most. For many people, there was not the time to be watching this star in its losing battle with the darkness that threatened to readily swallow its meager light. When even the moon was invisible within its shroud of ice and cold, this star strove on. But no one took the time to look upward, either too occupied in another task or sleeping in the comfort of their homes, and the dedication and dying tenacity of this fragile celestial being was ignored.   
  
Battousai peered at the star for an instant, momentarily wondering which one it was. Without other stars to join it in a constellation, it was unidentifiable. His attention was frequently drawn back to that star, as if some force pulled him to gaze at it. At times, he could almost feel the beat of Kaoru's heart within his. All at once the feeling was beautiful and terrible. It was as if his own soul were shattering with not being with her, with bearing her sorrow and his together.   
  
'This is no time to be poetic,' he hissed at himself mentally. 'You're a hitokiri, not a philosopher, and right now you've got to be on your guard. Snap out of it, Himura.'   
  
He still thought of himself as Himura, the man that he'd long ago given up on trying to be. Even though he'd told Kaoru that Himura Kenshin was dead, and believed it himself, the name had stayed with him, and, as the saying went, old habits die hard. It was like a disease that hung on him, the past that he carried, the malady of bloodlust and madness. The edge of terror, a place he'd visited many times, but never crossed in to, was empty to him; he didn't know where to go with his life. And so he hung on to the illusion of the noble samurai, Himura Kenshin. In the depths of his heart, he knew that man was one who was lost to the world, and could never regain control of the insanity of his thirst for death and blood.   
  
In his mind he ran down desperate streets, always when he closed his eyes, not knowing where to turn or who to trust. So he'd come to the conclusion: no one. Then he stumbled upon Kaoru, and she threw his already fragile mind further out of balance. The only constants in this life, to him, were blood and pain. If he cut himself, it would sting, and it would bleed, he could always be certain of that. Numerous scars, faint though they were, racing up and down his arms were proof enough of that. He unconsciously drew his fingers over them again, a reminder of who he was. His past was inescapable, and his future loomed ominously in front of him. He no longer knew what to do.   
  
Aoshi's voice eventually broke into his thoughts; he cursed himself for letting his mind wander so easily yet again. The group stole off into the forest a ways and settled down to camp for a few hours, letting the watch be in shifts as was typical of nearly any travelers. Battousai was not expected to take a turn as sentry, partly because of the simple fact of who he was, and also due to the others' distrust of him. They knew that he would always act in his best interest, as the lives of others had little to no value to him. He smirked as he leaned against a tree to doze.   
  
Darkness was in his dreams in curves and lines, in both shadow and light. It haunted and hunted him, taunting him with visions of pleasant futures that he knew he could not have. He drifted slowly outward, toward the horizon, reaching further into his mind to discover one more time just who he was and why he was alive.  
  
***** 


	14. Prelude To Insanity

The Devil's Workshop   
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Fourteen: Prelude to Insanity   
  
"Something is not right here," Battousai mumbled to himself, though the observation was hardly needed, only serving to further prove his firm grasp of the obvious.   
  
It was a small, nameless town, one that Battousai had never been to. Looking around, he saw no inn, but the remains of four ramshackle houses that had been burned to the ground. The others that were clustered here and there seemed to be in decent shape, a few loose boards perhaps, but nothing overly serious. But the four that had been razed had quite clearly been done so for some purpose. This was no sloppy work, Battousai noted, there were no traces of who had done it, or why it had been done. Whoever had a hand in the task was no amateur.   
  
"The assassins, surely," Aoshi said quietly. "Precision in execution and retreat, all the signs direct us to only a single conclusion."   
  
"That should be considered a good thing, then," Battousai muttered. "We were trying to find them anyhow."   
  
Aoshi nodded shortly, and the few others of the group looked slightly afraid. Battousai paid them no mind, assuming that they were disturbed by the two leaders' disinterest in the loss of life that must have preceded their arrival. Neither one was terribly concerned with the welfare of the people of the village, they were nothing but unimportant pawns in a game that the two men played, possibly more so to Battousai than Aoshi. Humans were meaningless to him, all save one. He shook himself mentally, now was most certainly not the time to be thinking of her. He would be seeing her soon, he told himself, and turned his mind to more strategical thoughts.   
  
"Be on your guard then," Battousai said, standing from where he was inspecting the charred remains more closely. "This was done recently, and they're most likely still around."   
  
Unbeknownst to most of those hunting them, the assassins who were after Battousai's lifeblood were creeping up on them from behind, and were now listening to the conversation. Battousai, as expected, quickly picked up on their presence. But they weren't so stupid as not to take that into account. Eager eyes took in his movements as he froze and his hand flew to the hilt of his katana. Keen ears overheard his harsh, semi-whispered instructions as he hissed at the other men. One man, obviously the most important of the group, grinned. This could all be played into their hands. They needn't face Battousai sword-to-sword, though certainly he would allow some of his men to, after all, the ensuing fight would promise to be most entertaining. His fingers played lightly over the barrel of his matchlock gun. Technologically speaking, he could have been given something better; the thought brought a frown to his face. But one shot was all he would need. Even the infamous Battousai could not dodge a bullet. At least, not when been shot at from behind and with no warning.   
  
***   
  
Kaoru paced the long wall of her room nervously. She wasn't sure why she was so on edge this day, but for some reason she couldn't seem to sit still. Futilely, she wondered if she should stop all this nonsense, but it wasn't as if she had something better she could do with her time. Despite all her protests, the occupants of the Aoiya flatly refused to let her lift a hand in help with any work, and even more firmly denied her access to anything that even resembled a bokken in the slightest. It quickly became apparent to her that Battousai had left them with strict instructions on what she could and could not do. The very thought infuriated her, who was he to tell her what she was allowed to do? Battousai would inescapably be receiving more than a few terse words about this when he returned.   
  
"I hope it's soon," she whispered aloud. "Even as exasperating as he is, I can't help but miss him."   
  
She began to, once again, explore the depths of her feelings for him. 'Love' didn't seem quite right, somehow. It was just a word, and words can't begin to describe all the mixed emotions that she was drowning in. The term 'love' was unsuitable, because it seemed so strange to her that she could love and hate him at the same time. It had to be something different. She didn't need to know what the word was, if one even existed, all she needed was the knowledge of the pain and the fear, of the affection and the passion, all contiguous with blended borders that mixed the feelings into one indefinable sensation. These thoughts were quickly giving Kaoru a headache, it was hard to comprehend what could not be described. Yet she was at a loss for what to do save miss Battousai and curse him simultaneously.   
  
***   
  
Blood was falling like rain, splashing against the ground in gleaming drops that reflected the cold, disinterested observation of the moon and the burning heat of the fire that had been set to another house. Battousai was torn between standing back in the shadows and letting the flames lick at his hair and clothing while he raptly watched the carnage, or engaging in the battle himself, to taste the heady rush of killing yet be unable to admire the way the blood pooled from the corpse of his victim. Necessity and unspoken oath drove him into battle, he could not betray Aoshi now, not after so many years of, if not friendship, tolerance.   
  
Battousai leapt forth, ignoring the bodies that littered the ground. With a derisive snort he spun to face the man that had been attempting to rush him from behind, quickly moving his now unsheathed katana upward to parry a blow before springing into the air. He expected to slice the man open with a Ryu Tsui Sen performed at godlike speed, but was shocked to find his attack blocked, if a bit clumsily. In battle, whatever worked to save your own life was better than nothing. Battousai was surprised that this man had been able to respond promptly enough and with just the proper amount of force. Too much and his blade, the only thing between Battousai's wrath and his fragile body, would have broken. Too little and his death would be painful.   
  
Backing off just enough to be able to launch a new attack, Battousai studied the man for a moment. His expression showed fierce determination, but not anger. This was no artless swordsman, he obviously knew what he was about. Anger was dangerous, for decisions had to be made in an objective and levelheaded manner while in battle, not out of blind fury. Lowering himself, light on his feet, Battousai sheathed his katana, settling easily into the much too familiar battoujutsu stance. His adversary took a stance that he didn't recognize off the top of his head, but that didn't worry him. Mortal enemies were always easy to read. He watched the deep brown eyes that were watching his amber ones. For a moment that stood still in time, they stared at each other, neither moving but to breathe. It was as if all motion around them had stopped as Battousai gave a cry and lunged forward, delivering a swift Ryu Shou Sen only to find it skillfully blocked. He slid a few feet when the man sent him backward with a forceful thrust.   
  
'It appears that this will not be so simple as I had hoped,' Battousai thought, narrowing his eyes in a way that was both menacing and threatening. 'Normally I'd welcome the challenge, however, I don't have time for this at the moment.'   
  
"It is a shame that your skill will be wasted in the afterlife," he spoke aloud. The man looked confused, and Battousai instantly realized what was wrong. He repeated himself in somewhat broken Chinese.   
  
A smirk graced the countenance of the other man, but Battousai could sense fear in him, just the slightest bit. That would be enough. Not waiting for the man to further prepare himself, he launched himself skyward, higher this time than last. He was nearly certain he heard the man say something along the lines of "No good, I've seen this before," and could only smirk as he was pulled back down to the earth by the inexorable force of gravity. True, this was Ryu Tsui Sen. But just when his blade was touched by his opponent's he reached for his wakizashi, still faithfully sheathed at his side, with his free hand and drew it directly into the man's side. This was an unusual thing for Battousai to do, it completely ignored form and practicality, but sometimes he was left with no option but to be creative.   
  
From off in the shadows, Aoshi eyed Battousai critically. Those little tricks weren't typically his style, but he couldn't deny the effectiveness. Turning his attention, he counted the bodies of his comrades in a detached manner. Now was the time to assess, not let emotion take control. Nearly half were dead, he noted, that was almost fifteen. A high price to pay to eliminate not more than twenty five. Especially with him and Battousai both fighting for them. They had gone up against skilled assassins this time, and the five or six that were left were defending themselves quite well. Calmly taking his kodachi in hand, Aoshi walked out to join them.   
  
Battousai spat as he yanked his katana out of a man's heart and turned to find his next victim. As he moved toward a fighter that was giving one of 'his' men some trouble, he heard a familiar click and stopped. He'd barely wrenched his body around to face the gunman head on when he heard the blast; he dodged to the side, but by some trick of the heat haze of the fire and already over exerted muscles, he didn't move quite quickly enough. He jerked backward as the power of the bullet slammed into him. Glancing down, he could see the blood seeping through his gi at the shoulder.   
  
"Shit," he swore as he rapidly calculated the rough angle of impact and took off into the trees.   
  
The gunman was reloading when Battousai came crashing through the foliage above him, neatly slicing him in half. Dropping to one knee, Battousai gripped his shoulder and cursed violently. They were cowards, he decided quickly before standing. With a snap, he flung the blood from his katana and sheathed it. From the sounds behind him, there were none of the Chinese assassins left standing.   
  
'Dammit, the bastards. There was no point to that.' He was fuming mentally. 'I left Kaoru to travel to this godsforsaken town just to be shot. If her life hadn't potentially been in danger, I would have ignored them and let them burn Kyoto to the ground. Shit.'   
  
Aoshi's gazed darted to Battousai as he walked out of the cove of trees he'd been in, saw him holding his shoulder to stop the blood, noted the expression on his face, and wisely looked the other way. There were plenty of injuries to tend, his own included, but Battousai paid no heed to that, and simply walked off. He wasn't planning on hanging around waiting for his 'comrades' or trying to help the pathetic and now homeless inhabitants of the village. He was going back to her, and Aoshi wasn't about to say anything otherwise.   
  
***   
  
About ten minutes into his journey, Battousai was forced to stop by the pain of his shoulder. It was true that being semi-mortal gave him a higher pain tolerance than humans, but being shot was no small matter. Sitting at the roadside, he pushed his gi down his arm to inspect the torn flesh. A bit of prodding told him that the bullet had passed through neatly, which was fortunate though not unexpected. His kind were prone to having an odd type of luck concerning these things.   
  
"Damned luck. If I were actually lucky I wouldn't have been hit by the fucking bullet," he muttered as he tore a wide strip from the bottom of his hakama.   
  
The bleeding still hadn't stopped, but he paid it little mind as he wrapped the wound tightly. It would last until he could have it stitched up, it wasn't likely that it would cause any major problems anyhow. Light rain began to hit him as he stretched his aching muscles and stood. Usually he enjoyed the feel of the coldness of rain driving into his skin, but now it was just another nuisance to add to the others that were beginning to build almost to an overwhelming level. Deciding it was best to try to ignore the precipitation, he moved on, albeit at a slower pace than was typical of him.   
  
***   
  
Closing his eyes, he tried to remember how long it'd taken to get to the town originally, so that he could approximate how long it would take him to get back to Kaoru. He thought it would be about a day, maybe two, from the his current location, but he frowned as he tried to recollect how long he'd already been traveling.   
  
'This is not good,' he thought as he delicately rubbed his pounding temples. It had been raining off and on the entire time, and that added to what he could sense as an infection setting in was causing him some confusion. 'I think I may have a fever,' he decided futilely. It wouldn't turn into anything too serious, his immune system was too strong for that, but it was certainly a bother and with his mind not as sharp as it should be, the entire situation was a bit disturbing.   
  
'Maybe I should have waited for Aoshi,' he thought as he dragged himself onward. 'Where exactly am I?' He didn't like the turn things were taking, it was dangerous for him to be this perplexed over something as simple as a location. Out of the instinct to protect himself, his pace quickened, regardless of the objections his body was screaming at him.   
  
'I have to get back to her, I have to get somewhere safer, this is bad.'   
  
***   
  
Rain beat at the roof of the Aoiya as Kaoru laid out her futon. It was dark, with her only light coming from a single candle in the corner, but the occasional wickedly twisted flash of lightning provided some illumination. She sighed as she blew out the candle, then laid down and stared at the ceiling. The storm seemed to be trying to tell her something, but she couldn't understand it. Dismissing it as silly fantasy, she closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep. It was late now, but she had sat in the courtyard under the now familiar tree watching the lightning until it was close enough to be dangerous.   
  
Somehow she couldn't shake off the feeling that the storm was bringing with it some sort of change. Pressing her fingertips to her forehead, she assured herself that she was being ridiculous and that she needed to get at least a bit of rest. Still, she was restless. Shifting to her knees she breathed deeply and tried meditating to calm her nerves. She was rudely pulled from her rumination when her shoji slid open with a bang.   
  
'Who on earth... this time of night?' she thought as she slowly opened her heavy eyelids. A gasp flew from her throat as Battousai stood outlined by the soft light of a candle in the hall. He was thoroughly soaked, dripping on the floor, and shaking, his eyes burning into hers. Somehow he had a far-off look to him, his gaze seemed feverishly senseless. She bolted forward just in time to catch him as he dropped, barely preventing his head from striking the floor.  
  
***** 


	15. Healing Processes

The Devil's Workshop   
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Fifteen: Healing Processes   
  
"Battousai!" Kaoru cried as she shook him gently by the shoulders. He mumbled some incoherent words and remained slumped in her arms. "Battousai, wake up." Her pleas were urgent, but he didn't respond. "Oh Battousai, please, what's wrong?" she was speaking mostly to herself now, her voice not more than a strained whisper that threatened to break.   
  
Grunting with the effort, he was heavier than his slender build implied, she dragged him to the futon and laid him down carefully. He groaned softly and she realized that his left shoulder was completely soaked in his own blood. With a gasp she pulled back his gi and unwrapped his makeshift bandage. Grimacing at the badly infected wound, she ripped a piece off her own yukata to rebind it. She pulled a blanket over his shivering body and sat by his side, head low and hair spilling across his cheek. She wasn't sure what to do. Would he be angry if she got a doctor? Deciding to just watch over him for a while and see if he might wake, she placed a hand on his forehead and another on his stomach. He obviously had a fever, but she couldn't be certain whether he would fight it off by himself.   
  
Battousai trembled in his sleep, crying out softly at times. Kaoru murmured soothing words and stroked his scarred cheek tenderly. He didn't seem to be getting any better, but at this point it would be just as well to wait until morning to call for a doctor. Curling up at his side, as far from his injured shoulder as possible, she nestled her body against his and whispered in his ear until he slipped into a deeper sleep before letting herself join him in the realm of dreams.   
  
***   
  
It greatly bothered Kaoru that when she woke, Battousai was still sleeping. She called his name and shook his right shoulder, and this time he stirred. She watched as he opened his eyes, shocked to find them a glazed over and confused violet. His hand reflexively went to his head and he groaned as he struggled to sit up. Kaoru gently eased him back down.   
  
"No, you're sick," she said, attempting to give him a smile.   
  
"Wh-where am I?" he questioned before a cough racked his body.   
  
Kaoru's eyes widened, this couldn't be a good sign. "You're in the Aoiya, you're safe now."   
  
He looked puzzled; he didn't remember making it all the way back. Rubbing his eyes to clear them, he gazed up at her. "Kaoru?"   
  
"Yes?" He just stared into her eyes, a bit of amber swirling back into his own. It seemed that Himura Kenshin truly was dead.   
  
"Do you need a doctor?" she asked.   
  
"I don't know."   
  
She didn't like the way he was acting, it was completely unlike him. "What do you want me to do?"   
  
His entire body shook and he tugged at the blanket to pull it closer around him. "Hold me," he whispered. She complied quickly and, avoiding his wound, wrapped him tightly in her arms.   
  
"So cold," he murmured. "So very cold."   
  
"Shh, Battousai," she consoled. "It's going to be alright."   
  
He nodded and let his eyes slide closed. Disentangling herself from his grip, she stood and quickly threw on a gi and hakama. No doubt about it, Battousai needed to be seen by a doctor.   
  
***   
  
"He's lucky to have made it back before he passed out," the doctor said quietly, not wishing to disturb Battousai's already troubled sleep. "He's got a nasty infection from not cleaning his shoulder after the bullet passed through, and a moderate cold on top of that. Don't let him up for a few days, especially until the fever breaks, but, ultimately, he'll be fine. Remember, no strenuous activity until I've taken the stitches out of that wound, pulling them would be not only an annoying but painful as well."   
  
"Yes, sensei," Kaoru said softly. "I'll take care of him."   
  
"Good girl, I know you will," the old man said with a warm smile as he packed up his instruments.   
  
Kaoru walked him out to the street and bowed slightly as he left; she was most grateful to him. Battousai hadn't woken once while his wound was being stitched, which was probably for the better. At least there was no medication that she would have to force him to take, as the doctor had said that his body was already doing an extraordinary job of fighting off both the infection and the cold and that there was nothing more that they could do besides keep him in bed and let him sleep.   
  
Kaoru yawned, sleep certainly sounded inviting at the moment. She hadn't gotten much the night before, and a few more hours of rest certainly wouldn't hurt. Stopping by the kitchen to get a few various things for Battousai to eat once he awoke and was hungry, she made her way back to their room. Setting her tray by the wall near Battousai's head, she laid down next to him and stifled another yawn. Threading her fingers through his, she fell asleep quickly and dreamed of golden skies and crimson rivers.   
  
***   
  
"Kaoru," his voice whispered to her. "Kaoru."   
  
She sighed as she lingered on the border of sleep and reality. His arm around her felt so warm, his voice so dark and soothing, that she wished she could stay like this for just a while longer. His gentle urging continued and she mumbled senseless words against his skin.   
  
"Kaoru, wake up," his voice was insistent, commanding.   
  
She opened her eyes with a frown at his bidding; she hated the way he could make her do whatever he pleased. Sitting up she simply looked at him, eyes demanding an explanation. His eyes, once again reverted to cold pools of amber, met hers unfaltering. She glared at him until he sighed deeply.   
  
"Fine, I'm sorry," he relented. "But it was starting to hurt. Happy?"   
  
"Oh," was all she could say. "I-I'm sorry."   
  
They sat looking at each other for a few minutes. Battousai was fighting back the urge to pull her into his arms and kiss her until she begged for him to take her, knowing fully that she would protest and that in his current state, it wouldn't be a wise idea anyhow. Finally, Kaoru broke the uneasy silence.   
  
"How was your... trip?"   
  
He groaned, not the thing he wanted to talk about right now. "It could have been better," he said, motioning at his shoulder. "But you're safe, and that's what's important," he added.   
  
"Really?" she asked, remembering what she'd said to him the night he left.   
  
He gave her a smile, but somehow it didn't quite seem real. His eyes remained cold, sorrowful. "Of course, love, I've told you this before. You're important to me."   
  
Kaoru smiled and took his hands in hers. "Do you remember... what I said? When you were leaving?"   
  
He carefully guarded his expression. Of course he remembered, he'd thought of it every day since he'd left. But what was he supposed to say to her? Admitting to his love for her would be dangerous, he couldn't allow himself to show that much emotion. The delicate line separating how broken he was and the sanity that he had slowly built up was every day closer to breaking. Each moment he spent, each breath he took, drifted more sorrow upon his already heavy heart, and he didn't know how a confession of that magnitude would affect him. It was simply too much of a risk.   
  
"Yes, sweetling, I remember."   
  
"It's still true, Battousai," she whispered.   
  
He paused, unsure of how to avoid telling her his feelings without hurting her. "Good," he said with a smile, this time one that was warm and soft. True.   
  
Kaoru stared at him for a second before shaking herself slightly. It was rare to see a smile like that from him, and she was almost certain she knew what it meant. She opened her mouth to speak again, but never got the chance, because of a knocking at the shoji. Scooting away from Battousai, she started picking up the things on the tray to take it back to the kitchen.   
  
"Come," Battousai called out, lending more strength to his voice.   
  
Aoshi slid the shoji open and stepped inside, nodding to Kaoru who bowed on her way out. He looked Battousai over with a critical eye, noting his bandaged wound and fever-flushed cheeks. Holding up a hand as Battousai attempted to stand, he noticed that the legendary hitokiri was swaying slightly.   
  
"You have no need to be on your feet," he said. "You can hear this sitting down."   
  
Battousai nodded his understanding and sat cross-legged on the futon. "What is it, Aoshi?"   
  
"You realize that the Chinese government isn't going to give up so easily?" Aoshi questioned.   
  
"I'm aware of that."   
  
"You need to leave Kyoto as soon as possible."   
  
"I understand that as well."   
  
"What are you going to do with Kamiya?"   
  
"Take her with me." The way Battousai said it made the task seem so simple. "Yes, I know she'll be targeted as well," he said before Aoshi could point out the same.   
  
"I have confidence in your abilities, Battousai," Aoshi said. "But you're going to need somewhere to stay."   
  
"I'll work it out."   
  
"I'll see what I can do." Aoshi's offer was a generous one. Despite the tensions that ran between them, he valued the help that Battousai had given in the past and knew that the smaller man would continue to honor the allegiance as long as Aoshi was alive.   
  
Battousai inclined his head in silent thanks and Aoshi took his leave, almost running into Kaoru who was standing just outside the room. She pretended not to have heard anything, but Aoshi knew otherwise. She slipped in the room and kneeled at Battousai's side.   
  
"I brought you some sake," she said. "It should help take the edge away from the pain."   
  
Battousai didn't say anything, he hated being coddled, but took the sake and drank it. Kaoru knew his feelings, and wasn't offended, though usually would have chastised him for not thanking her. She only let it pass because he was sick and she took pity on him.   
  
"You should sleep," she suggested.   
  
"Sleep? Again?" He was incredulous. "To hell with all this, I'm not going to sit here and do nothing." He made to stand and Kaoru had to use some force to shove him back down. "Dammit woman, what gives you the right to push me around?"   
  
"You're supposed to rest and you know it!" she exclaimed, giving him a hard glare. "And if it kills me, I'm going to make sure you don't get up."   
  
Battousai smirked, trying to hold back a grin. 'If it kills her, huh? She really does love me.'   
  
"Kaoru, we..." he trailed off. Maybe he should wait to tell her that they would have to leave.   
  
"Hm?"   
  
"I... never mind."   
  
"What is it?"   
  
"You know," he said thoughtfully. "I've told you a lot about me, but you never let me know any of your life."   
  
Kaoru's face fell, she didn't like to remember the things that had happened in her past. Battousai saw this, but he kept pressing. After all, he'd told her more than he'd ever told anyone, he was at least due the same.   
  
"Alright," she whispered. "I'll tell you."   
  
"Come sit next to me."   
  
***   
  
"My father died not long after that," she was close to finishing now, after nearly half an hour of recounting her life.   
  
Battousai stopped her suddenly. "What kind of a man was your father?" She'd told him about what happened to her family, but not the kind of people they actually were.   
  
"He was a great man," she spoke softly, swiping at the tears that rolled down her cheeks. "He was so kind and loving, and he always protected me. He loved me every bit as much as I loved him, and it nearly broke me when he died."   
  
Battousai tucked her into his side, all the while thinking that her father sounded somewhat like himself. Except for kind part; he grimaced. But he couldn't help his nature, it was the way he'd always lived and would be the way he remained.   
  
Kaoru nearly shrank away from the feeling of his hot skin against her body. Even though he'd shed his torn and tattered gi, he was still so warm, clearly he was still feverish, but she didn't mention it, deciding instead to ignore it and leave his pride intact.   
  
"How are you feeling?" she asked tentatively.   
  
"Fine," he lied, but she saw through it.   
  
"You should sleep," she suggested quietly.   
  
"Only if you'll stay with me," he whispered.   
  
She smiled. "Of course I will."   
  
Pulling her down, he adjusted her to rest her head on his chest. With one hand on her head, he dragged the blanket over both of them and let his eyes close sleepily. Fighting illness took a lot out of his strength and energy.   
  
"Sleep well, my precious one," he said through a yawn.   
  
Tracing her fingers absently on his skin, she laid awake while his breathing became deep and even. No longer was she tired, but she didn't have the heart or will to leave him. Looking up at him, she smiled softly. He looked almost innocent while he was sleeping, without all the worries and pain of day-to-day life. But she knew what he must dream about, and the thought was nearly enough to make her cry.   
  
"So much death..."   
  
***** 


	16. The Meaning Of Pain

The Devil's Workshop   
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Sixteen: The Meaning of Pain   
  
Battousai never wanted to wake up from this. If he could spend the rest of his life with her lying close to him and still be able to dream of the blood and killing he so studiously dedicated his being to, he would take the chance without second thought. If he could sleep forever, he knew now that he would. He was aware of the fact that he was asleep at the moment, instinctively he knew when what he was seeing wasn't reality, but he would have given anything to yield that, and spend eternity dreaming in silence. Death, he realized slowly, the mere thought yanking him to a more conscious state of mind. He wanted to die with Kaoru in his arms.   
  
He couldn't decide what that meant. For once he had something wonderful in his life, and he wanted to end it? The need to slit his wrists came on and off for him, something that plagued the mind of one fated to wander. Perhaps he felt such need to die simply because he had Kaoru and he didn't want to see himself lose her, as he inevitably would, whether it be by her choice to leave or by her death. But if he died, what would happen to her? True, her life would be better without him, but she had told him herself that she loved him, and he couldn't break her like that. Still, it was hard to deny the blissful thought of sleeping until the world ended. At least he could always have her in his dreams.   
  
Acknowledging his desire, he began to attempt to suppress the longing by once again contemplating his existence. Sometimes, now included, he wondered if he really was, if he ever had been. Suicidal thoughts always brought about the same question: Who was he at the core of his being? Perhaps this was all a sick dream that he could never wake from. At times he began to seriously believe that, but pain taught him otherwise. Every once in a while, self-inflicted pain just wasn't enough to prove to himself that he indeed was real. Now was quickly converting to one of those times, but he tried with everything he had to ignore the feeling and focus on Kaoru in his embrace. In truth, he'd never had anyone to teach him what existence was.   
  
Now he couldn't help but think of how much Kaoru meant to him. 'You make me feel again,' he'd told her. It was true, for the first time since he'd killed his adoptive mother, he knew how it felt to care deeply for someone, to love and trust. Yes, it scared him, but he still liked it. He desperately hoped that this wasn't some cruel dream, a figment of nothingness. How could he be sure anymore? He sat up with some difficulty and shifted his left arm into the semi-light coming from the moon. Faint white scars were scattered up and down the tender flesh there; he lightly ran his fingers over them as if to remind himself that they were there. Pain was but a fleeting memory, glaringly obvious while you were consumed by it, but distant and hard to comprehend when you tried to remember how it felt. He slowly, wincing at the tug on the wound in his shoulder, reached for his wakizashi where it was lying near the futon. Its weight was so familiar in his hand, too familiar for comfort anymore. Drawing a short, thin line across his wrist, he stared at the blood as if he couldn't believe it was his. It wasn't much, and somehow wasn't enough tonight. He wanted to know who he was in relation to other beings. Just because he could inflict pain on himself didn't make any of this real. He wondered what pain really was.   
  
"Kaoru," he whispered, shaking her with rising despair. "Kaoru wake up, I need you."   
  
Hearing those words somehow set off an alarm in her head, he had never said that, and his tone was frightening. Something was wrong. She sat up and rubbed a hand across her eyes, adjusting slowly to the darkness. Looking at him questioningly, she noticed the trickle of blood that flowed down his arm. It was almost spellbinding, the contrast the crimson made with the paleness of his skin, but she tore her gaze away to settle it on his eyes. She didn't say a word.   
  
"Kaoru, please," he said, putting his wakizashi in her hand and closing her fingers around it. He paused for several moments, and then continued in a voice low and silky. "Cut me, love."   
  
Her eyes grew larger, the suggestion was daringly wrong and somehow, coming from him, darkly erotic. "You want me to... what?"   
  
"Cut me," he repeated, and took her wrist gently, guiding her hand to press the sharp blade to his wrist.   
  
"Battousai, no," she stammered. "This is crazy, absolutely insane. I can't do that!"   
  
"Yes, you can," he insisted in a whisper. "I need you to. Please."   
  
"But... Battousai... why?"   
  
"Just trust me. I need this, you have to help me."   
  
Help him. The words seemed so foreign. There was no joke in his voice, he was serious and convincing. She didn't understand it, but the way he said it made her defense waver. If he really needed it, could she bring herself to do it? But how could it help anything?   
  
"Kaoru," he said desperately. "Gods... please Kaoru, I'm begging you."   
  
Begging? He was serious. Battousai did not beg. She swallowed hard and nodded, her hands shaking. Carefully taking her hand in his, he showed her just where he wanted her to place the blade, whispering instructions on how much pressure to apply. With tears rolling down her cheeks, she slid the wakizashi down his arm, avoiding the vein with as much tender care as she possibly could have while ripping his skin apart and spilling his blood. When she could no longer force herself to hurt him, she dropped the blade and stared into his eyes, shaking and not able to get her question out at all. A bitter smile of demonic satisfaction was on his face, his eyes blazed with an untamable fire that Kaoru knew could not be put out.   
  
He lifted his wrist to her lips, silently asking what she had never thought she would or could do in all her life. But something about him was so compelling, so wickedly and savagely commanding that she found herself opening her mouth to draw in his blood. At first she nearly gagged, it was an unnatural and revolting taste to her, but slowly the feeling faded. He had his eyes closed, and looked as if he might cry, if he could, but didn't say anything. It scared her when she began to savor the taste of him, his metallic-tinged essence. Something about it held a sweetness, she could taste love and sorrow both.   
  
'This is insanity,' she thought. 'You can't taste those things, not in blood.' Yet her heart was telling her otherwise. The blood flow was slowing now, which was a comfort and, shockingly to her, a disappointment. She watched him as she licked the wound clean and he torpidly opened his heavy eyelids. The amber that burned underneath them was fierce and wolfish, but it didn't frighten her. Not anymore.   
  
"Gods, Kaoru," he groaned as he pulled her to him. "You were pure... I'm so sorry."   
  
She knew how greatly she'd changed since she'd first met him, but she didn't regret it. It hurt her that he did. "No," she replied, flicking her tongue out and cleaning the blood from her lips to relish in his essence. "Don't be. Things like this are meant to be, Battousai. We can't change them, we can't be sorry." She paused, not knowing what else to say.   
  
"You're too perfect, too good for me," he whispered in a rush. "Too much of what I need so badly."   
  
"Never too much," she said quietly, picking up his wakizashi from where she'd dropped it and handing it back to him. He looked at her in curiosity. Just how much had she enjoyed that, and what exactly did that mean?   
  
She didn't need him to ask to know what he was saying. "I love you." It wasn't really necessary to say it again, she knew, but it seemed like the right thing to say at a time such as this. "Whatever you need me to do, I will. I know it's important to you. I don't know why, but if you need it that badly..."   
  
Battousai captured her lips in a violent kiss, which was proving to be difficult with his injured shoulder. Finally he released her, and they both gasped for breath. "Sweet goddess above, what I wouldn't do for you," he whispered as he fingered the hilt of the wakizashi that he'd never let fall. Her eyes trailed down to his action.   
  
"What do you want Battousai?" she asked in a low tone.   
  
"You, all of you," he replied slowly. "I want to know that this is real, that you're real. That I'm real."   
  
She didn't fully understand what the meaning of his words were, being only seventeen and always having had something to occupy her mind, she'd never really given a huge amount of thought to existence. It seemed now that she would have to. She took a moment to piece her words together.   
  
"Do what you must," she said. "I trust you."   
  
The look Battousai gave her was so intense that she could feel herself melting into him. Passion, gratitude, desire, sorrow, lust, and... love. All of it was there. He cautiously, as if afraid she would change her mind if he made any sudden moves, took her wrist in one hand. Not wanting to hurt her, too much at least, made him slow and gentle. He didn't press hard, and left only a shallow cut on her wrist. It was just enough for blood to flow down her arm. She flinched at the feel of metal to flesh and nearly cried out at the stinging pain as he sliced her skin, but wouldn't allow herself to call his name and ask him to stop. He needed it, and, deep in her heart, she did too, she just couldn't understand at the moment.   
  
"Sorry, love, sorry," he repeated over and over until she silenced him.   
  
"It's alright." Her words were so quiet that he barely heard her.   
  
She understood him? Her tone implied that she could tell what this meant to him, though he was unsure how much it was helping her. Whatever her reasoning, he couldn't stop now. Raising her hand to his mouth, he tenderly kissed each finger tip before lightly tugging the new wound to his lips. Unlike Kaoru, he didn't hesitate to suck covetously at her blood, whimpering slightly as he drank it quickly. He swirled his tongue about it to both sooth and savor the hurt that he could sense in her. All his life he had worked with pain, loving it for the raw reality of the sensation. He had never shared like this before, never been purposely cut with the intention of helping him. Though he'd shared her body, he'd never shared anyone's soul like this. It was beautiful, though in a way that most people would find horrifying.   
  
Kaoru lifted her other hand to stroke his hair as he dragged his tongue over the cut. It was comforting, almost, she realized, the warmth of his tongue and mouth on the burn left by the blade. His breath was soft upon her arm, his lips a lingering caress. It was a sweet and sickening satisfaction that she couldn't explain. She'd never considered just how intoxicating and thrilling it could be to do something that seemed so completely illicit.   
  
After a while, she moved nearer to him and gently guided him to lie back down. By the feel of his skin, she could tell his fever was waning, but she wanted him to rest. Being up so late into the night couldn't be conducive to his recovery.   
  
Battousai's mouth only left her wrist after covering it with loving kisses. He laid on his back and held her freshly cut arm to his chest. Kaoru stroked his skin with her fingers, coaxing him to return to his sleep. Ignoring the single tear that ran down his cheek, he closed his eyes and murmured to her before letting himself drift away.   
  
"I love you, Kaoru."   
  
*****  
  
A/N: All you impressionable young peoples who shouldn't be reading this but are.... don't go out and start slicing up yourself/other people. Just thought I might say that it's a hard habit to break and not a good solution. Ok. Now that the public service announcement is done (Wow... picture me doing actual PSAs... the public would be screwed)... Wasn't that fun? I've taken a major turn back into the dark part of this story. Personally, I love the idea of some Battousai-blood-drinking. Ok, I know this is definately not everyone's style, but... well.... it's my fic, so I can write whatever my little heart desires ^_^ Yeah, this chapter was short, but it's a lot of weirdness to take in, and it's pretty hard to write, believe it or not. Whee! 


	17. It's Better This Way

The Devil's Workshop   
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Seventeen: Its Better This Way   
  
Kaoru laid and stared up at ceiling, she knew Battousai wasn't really asleep, but at the same time, wasn't really awake. Whether it was meditation or something more, she couldn't tell. It wasn't important, she supposed.   
  
'He said it, he told me he loves me,' she thought, her heart rising to her throat.   
  
Sleep would not come easily to her this night, her mind was working even faster than usual, keeping her up to think so many heavy thoughts. It seemed unreal, what she'd just done. The fresh memory made her tremble, how could something that seemed terribly wrong feel amazingly right? Had she imagined all of it? No, she reminded herself by removing her arm from Battousai's grip and tracing the smooth line with her fingertips. She cringed; it still stung to the touch. In this silent moment of aloneness, in the menacing dark, she hated the world, hated Battousai, hated herself. Ghosts of memories tore at her mind, as if they knew how fragile she was and that only a little more and they could break her, bend her to their will. She hated them, too, hated all of it.   
  
Inadvertent reassurance and comfort came to her now with Battousai's near silent sighs and the way his skin felt under her fingers. That was how she knew she truly loved him. She may have hated everything that he stood for, and the way he had always and would always live his life, but she loved him with more than all of her heart and soul. She didn't understand, she was only human after all, but she accepted it for what it was. She couldn't really even explain to herself what love meant. That word alone didn't seem enough to define her feelings for him. To her, the rush that she felt when she looked at him was something much more than could be captured by human definition. She didn't want love to be something that could even be defined at all, it was so much more than that.   
  
Battousai slipped his arm around her as he willingly let himself fall into a deep, healing sleep. He could sense that she needed to know he was there. After what they'd just gone through, he could understand, perhaps better than she did. There were times when he'd needed someone, but no one had been there, and he wasn't about to let her feel the same way. She had him, for what it was worth. He sighed heavily as he let his mind go completely into the world of fantasy and illusion.   
  
Kaoru couldn't help but smile at how contented he seemed to be. His comfort was enough to once again assure her that things were, for now, alright, and she allowed herself to become drowsy. She visualized her thoughts as words and shapes, sliding down her arms to free her mind, emptying it for sleep. With a yawn, she slid her eyes closed and joined Battousai to walk cloudy meadows.   
  
***   
  
"We're leaving, pack your things," was the first thing she heard upon opening her eyes.   
  
Shaking her head to clear the cobwebs left by fading dreams, she sat up and watched him move about and put his clothes on. "Why?"   
  
"It's not safe here anymore." Seeing the question and hurt in her eyes, he said, "It has nothing to do with last night, love." He paused to look at her. Her fingers were reflexively outlining the cut on her wrist again. "You're beautiful. Now, pack your things. Quickly, if you would. I'd like to make good time."   
  
He was confusing her, but she followed his directions and shoved her things back in the bag she'd been carrying ever since she'd left home. 'Home...' It seemed so distant and insignificant now, here with him. And, in a way, it was. She'd been all alone there, it had been so lonely it was nearly painful.   
  
"Come, pretty," he said. "We should be able to make it to the edge of town by daybreak if we leave now and walk quickly."   
  
Kaoru yawned. "What time is it?"   
  
"About three in the morning," he replied. Neither of them had claimed much sleep the night before.   
  
"But you're still sick!"   
  
"I'll be fine. Come on, stop wasting time."   
  
Taking her by the uninjured wrist, he led her through the halls of the Aoiya only to be stopped at the entrance by Aoshi's presence. He didn't say anything, merely nodded to them as they left. Kaoru got the feeling they knew something she didn't, but she shook it off as Battousai pulled her out of the Aoiya and into the street.   
  
Kyoto was nearly silent, but Battousai paid no heed to the eerie dark of the city. Kaoru tried to take strength in him and ignore the creeping sensation that the city was dead. It was foolishness, she knew, but she couldn't help it.   
  
"Battousai," she said in a hushed voice. "Where are we going?"   
  
He turned to look at her while they walked. "I really don't know. It doesn't matter."   
  
"It's unsafe there, isn't it?" she asked. "Those assassins weren't the last of the troubles you're going to see?"   
  
Battousai nodded. "You may be too smart for your own good, love."   
  
Kaoru didn't like the way that sounded, as if she shouldn't be smart because she were a woman. "What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Her voice was accusing.   
  
"There are people who aren't going to like that, and I have enemies who will play on that," he tried to explain without getting himself in further trouble with her. "Just use what you know carefully, is all I mean to say."   
  
"Bastard," Kaoru muttered, and she fell silent.   
  
'What the hell? I swear this woman does these things just to get on my nerves.'   
  
***   
  
They stopped at a crossroad about two hours after they started walking, and Battousai seemed to be thoughtfully considering which road to take. Kaoru watched as he closed his eyes and stood motionless. Each way looked the same to her, besides the fact that one ran to the east and the other to the west. After several minutes Battousai opened his eyes and looked at her.   
  
"Where would you like to go, Kaoru?"   
  
"I... hmm." She bit her bottom lip, intent on what he asked. "I... don't know. It's not really important..."   
  
"Hm, I see. We're going to Hagi, then," he said resolutely.   
  
"What?!" Kaoru exclaimed. "But... that's... so far away!"   
  
"Precisely my reasoning, love," he replied offhandedly, already leading her down the path that would take them in a westward direction. "It's better to be farther away."   
  
"Why'd you ask me then?"   
  
"If there was someplace you wanted to see, I would have taken you there," He shrugged. "It gives you the feeling you aren't being forced to go anywhere, right?"   
  
Kaoru stared at him, not really sure whether he was being kind or infuriating; she went with kind, simply because she didn't have the energy to argue with him. With every step her eyes and legs grew heavier and she was having a hard time stifling her yawns now. Battousai listened to her and smiled slightly. He could tell she was tired, but he wanted to put just a few more miles behind them before they stopped to rest. He didn't need as much sleep as she did, the few hours he'd gotten were enough to keep him going throughout the day, but he would have to stop at sunrise anyhow. Traveling in the daylight disagreed not only with his eyes, but with his sense of safety. People would be moving about in the day, they would be seen by several passers-by, which would cause more problems than the traveling time was worth.   
  
Battousai slowed his footsteps to be next to Kaoru instead of a few feet ahead of her. She glanced at him with tired eyes and he gave her half a smile. Raising her hand to cover another yawn, she looked at him imploringly.   
  
"Just a while longer, lovely," he reassured her. "Here, give me your bag."   
  
With a grateful smile, she shifted her bag off her shoulder and handed it to Battousai, who slung it easily next to the one he already carried that was full of food and other necessary supplies. Sometimes he was more considerate than she'd have ever thought possible of a heartless killer. But, then again, she had come to learn that he wasn't so heartless. He was cold, brutal, and bloodthirsty, but he was not entirely heartless.   
  
***   
  
As the first rays of light began to creep over the tree tops, Battousai took them off of the road and deep into the forest. After giving Kaoru instructions to stay where she was and not make any sound, he went on his own to find some place for them to stay. He returned after not longer than fifteen minutes and motioned for Kaoru to follow him.   
  
Stepping through a thick grove of trees, Kaoru was surprised to see a small stream. She knelt by its side and, despite the cold weather and the frigid temperature of the water, splashed her face to clean it of the dust she'd accumulated while walking. Battousai had built a small fire and was leaning against a large tree, just watching her. His face was creased by the slightest frown, brows just barely furrowed, when she looked over at him. She wondered what he was thinking, why he always seemed to be like this.   
  
Battousai knew she was observing him, but he didn't move, his eyes seeming to stare right through her. She wanted to understand him, but she never could. The insanity that was his being, it was too dark and terrifying for her to begin to comprehend. But he stopped himself. Perhaps he was wrong, he remembered the past night, when she so willingly let him cut her skin. Maybe she could understand, and it was his own fear keeping him from telling her.   
  
With the load snapping of a branch, Battousai was brought out of his trance-like state. He and Kaoru froze, and he listened intently, feeling for unfamiliar ki. Someone was there. Wondering briefly who could possibly have been following them and why, he rested his hand on the hilt of his katana. Glancing at Kaoru, he could tell by the look in her eyes as they met his that she understood the situation. He moved to her side.   
  
"I will protect you," he whispered. She nodded, she hadn't needed him to say it to know. Now even Battousai wasn't sure what to do, being torn between staying with her for precaution and going into the forest after their trackers. It seemed safer to stay, even though there were only two of them. They really were fools, not even bothering to hide their ki. Battousai closed his eyes to listen, they weren't far away now, and they weren't doing an even half decent job of keeping their voices too low for him to hear.   
  
They weren't after him, he quickly discovered. They wanted Kaoru. Battousai snorted in disgust, not only were they stupid, they were drunk. Added to that, they didn't even know who he was. They picked the wrong traveler to steal a woman from this time.   
  
"I will go to them," he said quietly. "Stay here, don't do anything to get yourself in trouble."   
  
When she nodded her comprehension, he walked easily off into the trees. Kaoru could hear a yelping scream followed by slurred pleading before she heard the swish of air being displaced by a katana and the loud thud of a body hitting the ground. But there had been two of them, she remembered. Where was the second one? Her question was answered by drunken footsteps crashing through the undergrowth and a disoriented man falling out of the forest only a few feet away from her. He stood up and, seeing Kaoru, ran behind her and pulled a knife, holding it to her throat. She stilled reflexively and watched wide-eyed as Battousai's form slowly became visible through the thick trees.   
  
She could feel the arm that held the knife against her neck trembling. This man was terrified, as was justifiable. He had done something so utterly stupid that he would regret it for the few minutes he had left in his life.   
  
"You would be wise to let her go," Battousai said calmly, but Kaoru could see the fury in his eyes. "If you let her go now and do her no harm, I will kill you swiftly and painlessly. If you do not, I will make you scream and plead to die before I have finished with you."   
  
"Put down that sword," he said, his fear making his intoxicated voice clearer. "Or the woman dies." Apparently he'd had far too much to drink than his rational mind could handle.   
  
Battousai took a few steps forward, lazily, flowing almost like liquid rage. His fingers gripped his katana so tightly that his knuckles were going white, his hands were trembling, Kaoru noticed. She had never seen anyone this angry, it was overwhelming and frightening. The man holding her was too drunk to see this, though, and it spelled his doom.   
  
'I mustn't hurt her. I have to get to him without so much as shearing a single hair or thread on her kimono,' Battousai thought as he moved to stand right in front of Kaoru, not touching her, but so close that he could feel the heat of her body.   
  
She gasped as she felt the knife prick her skin. He really would kill her. "Battousai, stop." Her voice was small, terrified. "He's going to kill me if you take one more step."   
  
Battousai froze where he was, if she wanted him to stop, he would, but he wasn't going to let this man escape with his life. Kaoru's eyes held his, and he could she was scared. He would rather have himself injured than have her scared, so he remained standing, waiting for the other man to move. Impatiently, he let out a low growl. The knife at Kaoru's throat tightened; a few drops of blood slid down her neck. With a deep, emboldening breath, she reached out to Battousai's waist swiftly, snatching his wakizashi from its sheath.   
  
Without a second thought, she drew her arm backward and sent the blade to the hilt into the man's stomach, simultaneously grabbing his wrist and wrenching the knife from his grip. As he hit the ground with a scream, she fell forward into Battousai's arms, dropping the knife with a cry.   
  
Battousai caught her as a reflex, still stunned by what had just happened. As he wrapped his arms around her and held her head to his chest, he looked over her shoulder to see that the man was most assuredly dead. He pressed a rough kiss to her temple, all the while thinking how beautiful she'd looked with that look of grim determination overriding the fear in her eyes. He could feel her trembling breaths as they rushed past her lips and he tightened his hold on her. To his surprise, she wasn't crying.   
  
"It's alright now, love," he murmured into her hair.   
  
Kaoru didn't want to let him go, not now or anytime until the ending of the universe. She felt so safe and warm in his arms. She whimpered when he eased her out of his embrace to hold her by the shoulders and stare intently into her face. His gaze was piercing, eyes hot; she shivered.   
  
"You," he said slowly. "Are beautiful when you kill."   
  
Kaoru gasped, he was the darkest creature she'd ever met. Something about the way he spoke of death sent thrills down her spine. How could he be so seductive? She closed her eyes, she didn't want to see the body of the man she'd killed. Battousai noticed this and led her off into the forest a short ways. He instructed her to wait for him, and slipped away back to their camp.   
  
Battousai stared down at the man his innocent Kaoru had killed. She truly was a marvel to him, she didn't even know the half of it. He swiftly removed his wakizashi from the man's stomach and flicked the blood off it effortlessly. After dragging the two bodies downstream where the water was deeper and faster, and tossing them in, he sat for just a moment. What would happen now? He'd seen no regret in Kaoru's eyes, just fear and shock. Maybe regret would come later. He wasn't sure whether he wanted that or not. She'd never killed before, he knew that much, what if she turned out like him? Somehow he didn't think that was possible, but it was hard to tell. Once she'd felt what it was like to hold the power to take someone's life, he desperately hoped she wouldn't become addicted to it like he had. He would worry about her safety if she couldn't, though he knew she had skill with wooden swords at least, she wasn't like him. She wasn't nearly invincible. He would die if she were killed.   
  
Finally, he returned to her, to find her lying on the cold ground, crying to herself. He couldn't help but give a small smile; she was safe. Scooping her into his arms protectively, he carried her back to the clearing and set her down on a blanket next to their almost dead fire. He coaxed it back to life and went to sit next to her, staring into the flames.   
  
"You never cease to amaze me, Kaoru," he said after some time.   
  
Kaoru didn't know how to respond to that and just let a few tears slip down her cheeks. Battousai wiped them away and let his hand trail down her throat to where she had a small cut from the blade. He drew his fingers over it and watched her wince. The smallest wounds always hurt the most to the touch, he'd learned.   
  
"Some wounds never heal, love," he whispered as he gently kissed the mark. "Don't let this become one of them."   
  
She whimpered softly. "I never wanted to kill," she said, her voice cracking with tears.   
  
"I know," he replied. "But it was inescapable. Somehow I think it's better for both of us that you did."   
  
He laid himself down and pulled her into his arms. Battousai had always believed that everything happened for a reason, and this was no exception. There were no coincidences in the life they lived, and they would have to come to understand this later, when things were clearer.  
  
***** 


	18. Surrender

The Devil's Workshop   
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Eighteen: Surrender   
  
Kaoru was tired, so very tired. For days and days they'd been walking, pausing only while the sun was high, never seeming to get anywhere, though Battousai seemed to very well know where he was going. She no longer noticed the road under her feet, the cold wind that blew against her, when it rained, when it snowed, if the sun was shining, if the moon was bright, nothing but the man in front of her. She glanced at his familiar, comforting way of walking, then looked once more at her hands.   
  
'I killed him. With my own hands I killed him,' she thought again, the idea slowly sinking in. At first she had been horrified, but the feeling was slowly wearing off, fading to gentle regret that was, with the passing of time, beginning to wash away as well.   
  
Battousai noticed this, not only her changes in attitude, but the way she kept looking at her hands. He cringed as he realized it was something he did often as well. She felt so much more guilt in it than he did, though. When she gazed at her slender fingers, he could read repentance and pain in her eyes. Yet when he did the very same, he felt nothing but intrigue and disbelief, still after so many years it was a mystery to him how he managed to slaughter so many, and escape with his life time after time. It was painful to him to know the Kaoru regretted her actions, but he could see that fading away, not as quickly as he would like, but still leaving her.   
  
"It was necessary," he said once again, not turning to look at her as they walked. "You only did what you had to, love."   
  
"I know," her voice was subdued. "But I still wish it could have been avoided."   
  
Suddenly Battousai stopped and faced her; Kaoru looked at him curiously. He drew a hand over her shoulder lightly, fingers trailing over her arm. What was he up to? She wondered.   
  
"I don't," he said in a rushed whisper. "I love the way you kill."   
  
Kaoru's eyes filled with tears, half of her heart protesting the way he spoke, and the other half being completely taken over by his low, dark voice and sensuous undertones. He never gave those tears a chance to fall, quickly sweeping her into his embrace and covering her face with slow, warm, wet kisses.   
  
"Battou... sai..." she moaned before he forcefully captured her mouth with his.   
  
Regret and any emotion but passion and need were swiftly pushed away as he pulled her tighter against himself and she snaked her arms around his neck. In the back of her mind, she realized that they were standing in the middle of a road, but his attentions made her willingly disregard that fact. Battousai crushed her closer to him, almost impossibly close, to feel every one of her soft curves against the hard planes of his body. He knew she wanted him every bit as much as he burned for her touch, but he was well aware of where they were. He pulled away just slightly, enough to rest his forehead against hers, rubbing her nose with his affectionately to calm his breathing. He closed his eyes for a minute, drawing a quiet sigh from Kaoru when he hid his molten gold orbs behind his lids. She loved looking into those eyes.   
  
"Not here, love," he whispered hoarsely. "Not like this."   
  
Kaoru nodded her understanding, it was too dangerous here in the open. If anyone saw them... she shuddered to think of the possibilities, and at the feel of his hands running up and down her spine. She tried to form words, but they were coming out very unclearly.   
  
"Battousai," she managed. "I need you. Now. Battousai." Her eyes pleaded with him; he groaned, how could he possibly say no? Why would he want to?   
  
With an odd, strangled sound, he grabbed her by the wrist and practically dragged her into the forest. Kaoru whimpered slightly at the pain that shot up her arm and his strong grip, but ignored it and allowed herself to be pulled along until he stopped. Battousai spun her around quickly, and shoved her bag to the ground, pushing her against a tree roughly. She moaned as he pressed his body into hers, it hurt, but she no longer cared. Battousai held her face in his hands, his body as close to hers as was possible, their lips just barely brushing with every breath. Kaoru felt herself melting under those amber pools of fire, but a quick, light slap across the cheek brought her back into focus. Battousai grinned at her.   
  
"Just how much do you need me?" he questioned in a thick voice. "Tell me."   
  
"I... I..." Kaoru stammered and stalled, not knowing how to put her feelings into words. "Oh gods Battousai," she finally said, her head falling out of his hands to rest on his shoulder. She turned her head and began to nip at his neck, gently at first and then with increasing severity. "Please, I need you."   
  
"What would you have me do to you?"   
  
"A-anything..."   
  
Battousai smirked, this was what he wanted to hear. "Whatever I want?"   
  
"Yes," she pleaded. "Please Battousai."   
  
His response was to raise her head and grind his lips against hers hungrily, his tongue demanding entrance to her mouth. It was becoming progressively more difficult for Kaoru's knees to hold the weight of her body, and she let herself sink into Battousai's hold. She was his, completely, but he'd known that already. He growled quietly, he wanted her, all of her, and all at once. Oxygen was nearly forgotten as he pushed his body against hers, feeling the heat of her body fueling the fire in his actions. It was challenging for him to control himself when she was like this, so ready and willing for anything he might do, but so far he was keeping a tentative grip on his command of his body.   
  
In spite of the still chilly bite of the air, clothing was tugged at, ripped. Battousai drew away to suck in gasping breaths and take his teeth to the fragile skin of her neck. Kaoru was trembling in his arms as he dragged his tongue along the red marks he'd left, she clutched desperately as his gi as he pulled her kimono down to hang loosely at her bent elbows. He tore the bindings from her breasts quickly and then suddenly had her face down on the ground.   
  
Kaoru shivered at first from the cold feel of the ground beneath her, but was soon moaning as Battousai straddled her waist and bent to run his tongue down her spine, occasionally pausing to kiss and bite at her skin. She gasped as he laid his full weight on her body, threading the fingers of his left hand between hers and sweeping her hair off her neck with the right. Her eyes closed involuntarily as he sucked fiercely at the back of her neck, biting hard enough that it would bleed. Kaoru whimpered at the pain and the sensation of his tongue soothing the wound. Battousai smirked once more as he reached for her hair ribbon and removed it swiftly, holding it between his teeth as he deftly flipped Kaoru to her back.   
  
Blue eyes, slightly glazed from pain and pleasure, stared up at him as he laid over her, supporting his weight on his elbows. Slowly, deliberately, Battousai covered her eyes with the ribbon and tied it in a secure knot behind her head. Her lips turned down in a pout, and he was quickly tugging at her bottom lip with his teeth, unable to resist. After tracing her lips with his tongue, he paused.   
  
"Come, love, struggle all you want," he breathed the words into her mouth as he yanked the tie from his own hair and brought her wrists up over her head to tie them there, keeping a firm hold on them with one hand.   
  
Kaoru arched upward to press her body against his, moaning in frustration because the contact was not skin to skin, as he still wore all of his clothing. She attempted to get her hands loose, but Battousai gripped him more tightly, giving her a grin which she couldn't see. He lifted his shoulder and set the collar of his gi against her lips.   
  
"Use your teeth, beautiful."   
  
Fighting to get the gi off his shoulder, Kaoru pulled at it with desperation, only to have it slide down just a bit. She nearly growled; she just couldn't do it, it was impossible.   
  
"Please Battousai," she mewled. "Please don't do this to me."   
  
He responded simply by running his free hand down the middle of her body, pausing to trace the underside of one breast before skimming fleetingly over her womanhood. He ignored her hips lifting insistently and moved his hand to stroke her cheek almost reverently.   
  
"You're so beautiful." His voice rushed out as if he could barely contain it. "You have no idea what you do to me."   
  
Kaoru couldn't think of words to respond, so she lifted her leg and hooked it over Battousai's waist, demandingly pulling him down to her. He groaned as she forced his still hakama-clad hips to grind against her now clothesless ones; she couldn't remember when he'd stripped her completely of her kimono. She dropped her leg to press it against his thighs, rubbing them urgently with her foot.   
  
"Patience, love," he growled. "I'm not through with you yet."   
  
Battousai felt the shiver that passed through her body, and grinned against the skin of her neck, where his lips were currently assaulting. Kaoru curved up into his body again, she could feel his length through his hakama, with her sight stolen all her other senses were heightened. Every breath, every swirl of his tongue, every slight movement sent jolts of almost painfully pleasant electricity through her. She pleaded with Battousai, her voice a mere shadow of the strength it usually held, made breathy from his actions.   
  
Denying her what she wanted, Battousai reached for his wakizashi, which lay just within his grasp. He unsheathed it and set it against the flesh of Kaoru's thigh. All her movements and struggling ceased as she felt the bite of steel against her skin. She murmured in both pain and pleasure as he drew it from her hip to just about her knee, she could feel the blood dripping from the wound; it was much deeper this time. Sliding down her body, Battousai stopped to rest his head on her stomach, letting her wrists go, which instantly flew to the back of his head, clutching at his hair. He could feel the muscles in her stomach fluttering beneath his scarred cheek as he ran his fingers over the cut he'd just made in her leg, delighting in the way the blood poured over his hand. He trailed his slender fingers through the blood, tracing patterns over her leg with it.   
  
"Beautiful," he groaned as he closed his eyes and brought his hand to his mouth to lick his fingers clean of her blood. "You're so perfect. Gods." He pressed his face harder into her stomach, his tongue flickering out to tease at her skin, slipping erotically into her navel.   
  
Kaoru moaned quietly, her entire body quivering. She fought the binding at her wrists, bringing it to her mouth and tugging at the knot. Battousai noted this and let her have her way, deciding instead to leisurely run his tongue over the wound he'd inflicted on her. She tasted so good, her blood infinitely sweeter than any he'd previously tasted.   
  
With self-satisfaction, Kaoru yanked the tie from her wrists and ripped Battousai's makeshift blindfold from her eyes. Raising herself just slightly up onto her elbows, she looked down at him. His gaze was hot, penetrating as he lifted his head, her own blood dripping from his lips. Reaching for his gi, which hung half on and half off, she pulled him up to her, pressing his head to her breast. He complied willingly, stroking her with his tongue, sliding it torturously slowly along her heated skin. Quickly removing his gi, she ran her hands down his back, raking at him with her nails. His breath hissed between his teeth as he made his way back down her body, pausing to stare up at her as he blew softly at the sensitive skin at the juncture of her thighs.   
  
"Gods, Battousai," Kaoru moaned. "D-don't..."   
  
She never got a chance to finish as his lips closed around the bundle of nerves there. Kaoru gasped as he sucked at her mercilessly. Battousai could feel her coming close to her climax, but didn't let her reach it. He pulled away and settled himself back on her to bite and lick at her lips. She wailed in wanton need, but he ignored her wordless pleas. When he sucked her tongue into his mouth, she decided she'd had enough.   
  
Reaching down swiftly, she pressed her hand against his length, rubbing desperately. Battousai groaned and shifted into her hand. With her other hand she groped at the tie of his hakama, needing to feel his skin against her hand, against all of her. With a hand that was only slightly steadier than Kaoru's, he helped her pull at the knot, both of them together working it free.   
  
Battousai growled, the sound resounding in his chest, as she stroked his arousal pleadingly, her grip almost painfully firm. In every shudder, every touch, every moan, every gasp, he could sense her desire, the same desire that was driving him mad. In an almost frantic state, he lifted her into his arms, his hakama falling forgotten at his feet. Urging her to wrap her legs around him, he slammed her back into the tree he'd had her against earlier. With all the force he could muster, he pounded into her, pausing for a moment to grind his hips and sink in as far as he possibly could. He stopped and dropped his head against her shoulder, feeling her trembling in his arms. He lipped at her neck gently, savoring the feeling of her tight wetness around his shaft.   
  
"So right," he whispered. "You feel so good to me."   
  
Kaoru's legs fastened around him tighter, silently appealing to him. He knew what they both wanted. Scraping his teeth up her neck and over her cheek to tangle his tongue with hers, he began to thrust inside her as hard as he could. It wouldn't take long this time, he could tell, they were both wound so high. Kaoru could feel her climax rising, and with it, her voice, which was threatening to explode in a scream. She bit her lip hard, but Battousai brought his mouth back to hers and pulled her lip between his own teeth, holding it much more gently than she had been.   
  
"Don't..." he managed to say between thrusts. "I want... to hear you... come for me..."   
  
His words were enough to send her already quivering body over the edge, and she let her voice fly at his bidding as her inner muscles clenched around his shaft. He groaned at the sensation, thrust once more, and let go, his warmth spreading inside Kaoru. Resting his forehead against her sweat-slicked shoulder, he growled out her name as she moaned, softly now.   
  
After a few moments, Battousai lowered Kaoru to the ground, where she promptly sank to her knees. He couldn't help but smirk as he grabbed her kimono and handed it to her. She wrapped it around herself somewhat like a blanket as he quickly put his own clothing back on and then searched through her things to find her a gi and hakama of her own. She smiled gently and closed her eyes as he began dressing her. It was amazing to her that he could be so fierce and yet so tender.   
  
"Well," Battousai said nonchalantly as he spread out their blankets and started to build a fire. "It seems we're not going any farther today."   
  
Slipping an arm around Kaoru's waist, he led her to the blankets, where she simply laid and watched as he began to prepare them dinner, his blood-red hair still loose and making a striking contrast against the faded black of his gi. She closed her eyes after a minute and laid with her arms under her head. Battousai smiled in her direction, she looked so at peace. When her eyes opened under his gaze, they shared a meaningful look. No words were needed; they both knew they loved each other, as unlikely as it had seemed in the beginning of things.  
  
***** 


	19. Just One More Reason

The Devil's Workshop   
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
*****   
  
Chapter Nineteen: Just One More Reason   
  
Battousai grimaced, just slightly, as he walked down the streets of Hagi. Kaoru was tucked safely in his arms, her face nestled in the crook of his neck as she slept. It would be obvious to anyone watching, not that anyone was at this hour of the morning, just what she meant to him. But she'd been so tired these last few days, and he couldn't stand listening to her stumble over her own feet while they walked. He reminded himself that although she was a strong young woman, she was unused to walking such long distances and he had completely reversed her sleep pattern; it wasn't as though he could blame her for being weary. She looked so content, so trusting, that he couldn't bear to wake her; it had been a long time since anyone had felt that safe around him.   
  
The main problem that Battousai was currently facing was that he didn't know where they could possibly stay. Hagi wasn't unlike other cities in the fact that it had numerous inns and taverns, but he'd been there before, and he presence wasn't particularly tolerated. For once, he had no connections, which irked him. As a general rule, he had at least one place he could stay in secret everywhere he went, but his last stay in Hagi hadn't been prolonged enough to procure one. It seemed that money would have to work its magic.   
  
Which, of course, meant that he would be taking Kaoru to one of the less reputable places in town. He shrugged mentally; there was nothing he could do about the situation. Kaoru stirred a bit in his arms and he tightened his grip on her. It still amazed him how well she fit with him, everything about her a counter to him. Where he lacked kindness, she showed him love. His bloodstained soul set off her innocence; he frowned to think about how he'd already corrupted her so much, though that was something she'd readily accepted, and he didn't question whatever her reasoning was.   
  
"Kaoru," he said, voice low and commanding. "You're going to have to wake up now."   
  
With a yawn, she slowly opened her eyes. Battousai set her on her feet and watched in amusement as she straightened out her kimono and smoothed down her hair. Where they were going, it wouldn't make any difference.   
  
***   
  
Kaoru's eyes were constantly shifting back and forth as she sat in the darkened corner. Battousai had bid her to stay there and wait for him and, most especially, to try not to draw any attention to herself. He had followed the owner of what was at least called an inn to a private room, presumably to discuss a matter of business of some sort. Consequently, Kaoru was left to sit in extreme discomfort among a haze of smoke. Battousai had sat her in the farthest corner from the actual bar and hoped that no one would notice her.   
  
"You want a drink, little girl?" asked a woman who wore clothes that made Kaoru flsh in embarrassment for her.   
  
"N-no, thank you," Kaoru replied softly.   
  
"Suit yourself," the woman said, running an eye up and down Kaoru's travel-worn kimono.   
  
Kaoru self-consciously fingered one of the rips in the neckline that Battousai had "accidentally" created. 'Hmph. Accidentally with his teeth,' she thought.   
  
"You're the one that came in with the redheaded man, right?" Her thoughts were interrupted.   
  
"Oh, I... yes."   
  
The woman looked hard at the lightly scarred flesh on the inner part of Kaoru's shoulder, visible through the tear in the cloth of her kimono, then smiled knowingly and dropped herself heavily to sit down next to the younger girl.   
  
"So, you're the Battousai's woman?" she questioned, a strange gleam in her eyes.   
  
"What's he like?" Her voice was hushed, as if she knew Battousai didn't want his presence known; Kaoru decided it was a wise assumption on the other woman's part.   
  
Kaoru couldn't do anything but stare blankly, half in disbelief and half because she didn't want to upset Battousai by saying the wrong thing. It appeared that she was about to be put to the test, luckily she'd quickly been developing the skill to reveal little to no true emotion. Still, she had no idea what to say. The woman waved a hand across her line of vision.   
  
"You okay?" she asked.   
  
"Oh... yes. Yes, I'm fine. Sorry."   
  
"So? Are you going to tell me anything?" This woman was relentless.   
  
Kaoru leveled the most intimidating glare she could manage at her. Maybe it wasn't frightening as Battousai's, but it got the point across. It was difficult for her to be so rude to someone she barely knew, though, so she attempted to compensate.   
  
"I suppose I could use a drink after all." The woman raised an eyebrow. "Just tea, if you would."   
  
The woman rose gracefully and went off to get Kaoru her tea; she was, after all, a paying customer. Kaoru buried her face in her hands; this was not going well. She silently begged the gods to let Battousai return soon. Her wish, however, wasn't granted soon enough, and she had soon drawn the attention of several men that, on the basis of sight and smell, had had more than a little to drink. She hadn't noticed the waitress she'd been "conversing" with speaking to the men because she'd been so busy contemplating just how angry Battousai would be.   
  
"Hey there," she heard and lifted her head.   
  
"Oh damn," she muttered under her breath.   
  
"Here's your tea," came the voice of the waitress.   
  
Kaoru's head was beginning to ache, this was all too much at once for her to deal with. 'Where the HELL is Battousai when I actually need his help?' She took a sip of her tea to attempt to calm her nerves while semi-effectively ignoring the three obnoxious men that were starting to encroach on her personal space. When the liquid in her cup first touched her lips, she paused and sniffed at it. A devious smile was sent in her direction by a certain scantily attired waitress. Brows furrowing in annoyance, Kaoru shot an almost murderous look back. She sighed heavily and resigned herself to sipping at the drink again. It was tea, or at least mostly tea. But Kaoru was young, not stupid. She knew alcohol when she tasted it.   
  
'What could it hurt? It's not so much, and it's not as if I've never had sake before.' Still, this sake tasted a bit odd. She shrugged and continued to drink it, after all, she was no expert on things like that.   
  
"What the hell'd you give the poor girl, Yuki?" the bartender asked.   
  
"Eh, some of that American import stuff, the cheap shit you get on less-than-legal terms."   
  
The bartender frowned; Battousai would not be pleased.   
  
Knowing well what went on in these types of places, Battousai hadn't had much hope that he wouldn't have some sort of trouble. He hurried the gruff-looking innkeeper along, grumbling at the price it would cost to keep his identity concealed. Death threats wouldn't work this time, there were too many people. Battousai swore as he handed over a generous amount of money and then quickly made his way back out into the bar.   
  
"Get the fuck away from me!" Battousai knew that voice easily, but also knew that it was not quite the same as usual.   
  
"Oh ho! So the pretty little thing has a mouth on her, does she?" He didn't recognize this voice, but could tell that whoever it was, was drunk. This didn't promise to be a good situation.   
  
"If you don't want to have your mouth detached from your face, I'd suggest you leave me the hell alone!" She slurred her words slightly, never a good sign. Battousai couldn't help but grin at what she'd said, though, she still had the fire he'd come to love.   
  
Battousai slunk closer, cutting a stealthy path through the smoke-filled room, fingers lightly tapping at the hilt of his katana. 'Perhaps I should have left my wakizashi with her. It would have been interesting to see how she'd have handled them if I had.' Part of him eagerly wanted to see her kill again, though he doubted he would have let it get that far.   
  
"Come on, pretty." Battousai frowned; he didn't like her being called that by any other man. "Let's see what that dirty little mouth of yours can really do."   
  
"Like hell!" came her raising voice.   
  
"Usually I like them feisty, but you're a bit more of a fireball than you should be, you little bitch." Battousai could see them clearly through the haze now; he was only about ten feet away, figure half in the shadows.   
  
Smirking as Kaoru's fist connected directly with the man's jaw, Battousai stepped forward to stand next to the man, who was now clutching his face and bleeding over his fingers.   
  
"Excuse me," Battousai said quietly. "I believe the lady said something to the extent that if you didn't leave her the hell alone, she'd take your mouth off."   
  
"Yeah? What are you going to do about it, little man?" Apparently they were more drunk than Battousai had first thought, because they didn't seem to notice who he was or even the fact that he had swords hanging at his hip.   
  
"My, my," he said, the picture of utmost calm. "You are a drunk bastard, aren't you?"   
  
"What?! Who do you think you're messing with, buddy?"   
  
Battousai smirked and made his intentions overly obvious as he flicked his katana up with his thumb. His voice dropped to nearly a whisper. "The lady would take off your mouth..." He paused. "I would make a trophy of your head."   
  
The men started backing up, noticing the slightly bloodthirsty glint in the redhead's narrowed eyes.   
  
"Now I'm quite sure you don't want that," Battousai said with a feigned smile. Suddenly his mouth set into a line and he growled, "Get the fuck away."   
  
That was more than enough for the three very drunk and very confused men. Like beaten dogs, they turned tail and bolted out the door. Battousai spun just as Kaoru stumbled into his arms. With a firm, and slightly painful, grip on her elbow, he dragged her to the bar.   
  
"Who?" was all he asked, having already assessed the situation. He saw one waitress looked slightly guilty, and he glared at her. "You, take us to a room."   
  
Yuki snapped to attention. Normally she only worked in the bar, but she would rather defy the devil than the Battousai. With her eyes fixed on the floor, she led them down the hall to the room she'd been told was theirs. Bowing, she attempted to make an escape, but Battousai's glare pinned her to the spot.   
  
"Go inside and wait," he said softly, directing his words to a swaying Kaoru. "For the gods' sakes, go sit down before you fall down."   
  
Kaoru nodded vaguely and slipped inside the room. When the shoji shut with a snap, Battousai grabbed Yuki's bare upper arm.   
  
"You're lucky I don't make it a practice to kill women," he snarled.   
  
"W-what are you going to do to me?" she squeaked.   
  
"Why did you do that?" he asked in return, ignoring he question completely.   
  
"I-I d-don't know."   
  
"You lying bitch." He tightened his grip, it was most definitely going to leave a bruise. "Tell me the truth."   
  
"B-because..." Yuki gulped. How was she supposed to tell him she got his woman drunk because she wouldn't spill anything about him, not to mention the fact that she'd instantly found him attractive and was going to attempt to seduce him?   
  
"You will tell me now," he said, very slowly, with emphasis on every syllable. "Or I won't hesitate to dislocate your shoulder."   
  
"Okay, okay!" she yelped, and spilled the entire story to him, omitting the fact that she'd brought those men to pester the girl.   
  
"Fucking whore," he muttered as he released her abruptly. "It would be in your best interest if I never saw your face again."   
  
Stumbling backward and nodding furiously, Yuki beat a quick retreat; Battousai could see her limbs visibly trembling. It didn't really bother him, she deserved it. He slid the shoji open and stepped inside to see Kaoru sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. When Battousai came in, she stood, only to be caught by him a few seconds later when she fell Kicking at the futon, he sloppily unrolled it and laid her down. After he dug through her things, which he'd had sent to the room earlier, he pulled out a yukata. Carefully, he untangled her dirty, tattered kimono, gently unwrapped the bindings from her breasts, and slipped her into her yukata. With a kiss to her temple, he laid down and pulled her into his arms.   
  
"Why did you drink it, sweetling?" he asked quietly as she twined her fingers with his.   
  
"It was only one cup," she said; he rested his head on her shoulder. "It's not as if I've never had that much."   
  
"Mm," he agreed. "This wasn't sake, though." He went into the entire story, and explained that what she had been drinking was wholegrain whiskey, illegally imported from America. By the time he'd finished, she was fast asleep. He kissed her softly and, removing his arms from her, propped herself on one elbow. An almost-smile reached his face. He thought of getting up to sleep against the wall like he usually did, but the temptation to hold her through the night was too strong. He laid back down with a soft sigh.   
  
"My stupid, beautiful girl," he whispered. "You don't know just how much you've changed me."   
  
***** 


	20. Remember

The Devil's Workshop   
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Twenty: Remember   
  
Battousai kissed Kaoru awake and she stretched before meeting his lips in a sweet, gentle kiss. She yawned as he pulled away and sat beside her, tugging at her hair to get her up. Complying when it started to hurt, Kaoru sat up with a groan, pressing her hand to her head. Battousai chuckled softly.   
  
"That's what happens when you drink too much, love," he said.   
  
Kaoru shot him a withering look. "I'm aware of that, thank you very much."   
  
"Of course," he said simply, pushing himself off the futon to stand. He rummaged in his sleeve for a moment. Pulling out a small bag, he tossed it to Kaoru, who opened it and was surprised to find a considerable sum of money.   
  
"What am I to do with this?" she asked.   
  
"Go to the market and buy me a new gi," he replied, holding up his arm for emphasis. Now that she looked at it, Kaoru could see that the gi he wore now was really in terrible condition and hardly wearable anymore. What once had been pitch black was now more of a dark, dusty grey, caked with so much dirt that it would probably never come clean.   
  
"Won't you be coming with me?" she asked as she dressed.   
  
"No," he answered. "I have other business, and I would prefer not to be seen, anyhow." He found a small dagger in her bag, he'd known it was there but had never mentioned it, and tossed it to her; she caught it easily. "Keep yourself safe. Oh, also, there should be enough money there to buy yourself a new kimono as well. Get something pretty."   
  
***   
  
Kaoru warily made her way through the crowded streets, searching for just the right gi before she went looking for anything for herself. It was difficult to find a black one like he'd had; she wondered where he'd originally gotten it. For half a second, she considered buying him a magenta one, giggling at the image that would make, but set it back down when she thought about how furious he would be.   
  
'Imagine... the feared hitokiri Battousai in pink.' She chuckled to herself.   
  
"May I offer you my help, miss?" a little old man said to her.   
  
Kaoru smiled graciously at him. "Is it possible that you have anything in black?"   
  
"Oh, no, dear," he said. "I'm sorry, but you just don't get many requests for clothing in that color."   
  
"Of course, I understand." Kaoru seemed to be stuck, she obviously couldn't describe Battousai to the man unless she had the desire to be yelled at by an irate hitokiri, which wasn't high on her list of things to do.   
  
The little man was very helpful, to the extent that he could offer assistance, and Kaoru finally bought a dark navy colored gi that was as close to black as she could find.   
  
"And what of yourself?" the man asked, noticing the worn and dirty condition of her own clothes.   
  
Kaoru looked down at herself and grimaced; she hadn't noticed that she looked quite as bad as she did. And Battousai did tell her to buy herself something. Not wanting to spend too much, although she had the vague feeling that his funds were far from limited, she chose a very simple, plain, wine-hued kimono with a lighter red obi. Satisfied with her purchases, she thanked the kind old man and quickly walked off down the street.   
  
***   
  
"I don't care how much it costs," Battousai grumbled. "I need to get myself and another there as quickly as possible."   
  
He rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance and allowed himself to growl quietly through his clenched teeth. Everything this man was telling him was quite unnecessary, as he was already aware of costs, difficulty, and danger. His fingers itched to wring the man's neck and shake him until they understood each other. Instead he resigned himself to half-listening until the man was finished with what had escalated into nearly a speech.   
  
After almost two hours of discussion, argument, and heated insults from Battousai, the man named his final price and the requirements, and Battousai accepted the reluctantly-given offer. The man rushed off to set about fulfilling Battousai's requests and the hitokiri left to return to the inn and wait for Kaoru.   
  
He was surprised but pleased to find that she had been waiting for him. As soon as he walked in the room, she handed him a small pouch and a short dagger, which he began to inspect. Kaoru looked at him curiously and he offered her a grin.   
  
"It would have been a disappointment had I missed watching you kill again," he said in a half matter-of-fact, half teasing tone.   
  
Kaoru let one tear track down her cheek before stopping herself. "You're too morbid."   
  
"I won't deny the accusation." Battousai didn't seem very concerned. "It's who I am."   
  
"I know that," she said quietly, and turned away. "I accepted that."   
  
Grabbing her the arm, he turned her to him and wiped the back of his hand across her face. The gentleness in his touch was affirmed his words.   
  
"Stop that. You know I hate it when you cry." Kaoru nodded and closed her eyes. "So..." he said slowly. "What did you bring me?"   
  
Her eyes shot open and she tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle a giggle. Battousai, for once, seemed to have lightened up a bit, or at least his wit had. Kaoru supposed he was just humoring her, but she couldn't help but ask what had him in such a good mood.   
  
"A business deal went, mostly, my way," he said casually, waving it off effectively. "Now, in all seriousness, what did you buy today?"   
  
Kaoru rummaged through the small packages and tossed him the navy gi, which he caught and examined. She watched him for a moment and he nodded his approval. She held out the kimono she'd bought and he looked at it closely. He gave half a smile and murmured something about the color looking like blood, and that it suited her.   
  
"However," he said more clearly. "While that is fine enough for traveling, I won't have my woman wearing something that plain when she's seen getting off a ship with me in America."   
  
***   
  
"...A-America?"   
  
"The Hawaiian islands, to be precise. At least for a little while."   
  
For someone who hadn't ever been far from Tokyo until dragged away by a hitokiri, this was a lot to take in all at once. Kaoru sank to the floor in disbelief.   
  
"Battousai, I... can't do that. I can't leave," she whispered.   
  
He knelt by her and took her chin in his hand. "You can and you will. I must go, and I refuse to leave you behind. You see, you really don't have a choice in the matter. Now, I have more business to attend to, so just what here for me. Actually, on second thought, why don't you go take a bath and change into your new kimono. Don't even think of leaving the inn or going anywhere near the bar. If you do, believe me when I say you will be severely punished."   
  
Stunned into silence, Kaoru simply nodded.   
  
"Good. I'll be back soon."   
  
Battousai stormed out of the room, practically slamming the shoji shut behind him. Kaoru's mouth hung slightly agape. He was still the same moody, temperamental man; she almost smiled. Though he was complicated, she had a hard time faulting him. Maybe that was part of what it was to love selflessly. Or should it be considered loving helplessly? Somehow the two were intertwined in such a way that seemed to make them synonymous.   
  
Someday, she would unwind him completely, find out who he was and what made him be. She knew comparatively little, at least in her mind. In heart and soul, she knew him as well as she knew herself, thought sometimes she was unsure how familiar she was with even herself. But she promised herself in that moment that she would make herself understand him fully. She would break past his barriers with fingers, lips, tongue, and teeth, and she would make him bare his soul to her.   
  
To be so close to him, or even to want that closeness, was a disturbing, if not frightening thought. Before Battousai's unceremonious arrival, Kaoru had been alone, so it was difficult to accept the feelings that raged within her. She wondered, if he hadn't come to her dojo, would she still be alone? The searing pain of cold loneliness had been hard for her to cope with as it pressed itself heavy and repetitive upon her. It was challenging to know what was real when faced with so little human contact. And then Battousai had come into her life...   
  
Battousai made her question everything she knew; he shattered her beliefs and blind faith. All she could come up with was that there was something above, and that was why she'd found Battousai.   
  
"Someone deliver me," she whispered futilely.   
  
But as soon as the words left her mouth, she realized that maybe she already had been delivered. Perhaps Battousai was, by some odd twist of fate, her saving grace. It seemed strange that a creature that harnessed such darkness and hatred could be someone's salvation, but when she thought about it, that was what he had been to her, and what he continued to be. Amidst all the tragedy that was the hitokiri Battousai, there was an entity that was capable of rendering beauty and worth upon her. With his effortless gracefulness, his rough-velvet touch, and his awkward love, he'd given her back a sense of self, a placement in the broader existence.   
  
Suddenly it all because that much clearer to her as she fingered the thin scar on her wrist then, deftly pushing shrouding material aside, the one on her thigh. That was what he'd had in mind each time he picked up the blade. With pain and crimson regret, he'd shown her what it meant to be alive and to exist. Somehow he'd known what she hadn't; he'd known exactly what she needed and how to give it to her. It amazed her how he could that in so many situations. It was as if he could read her mind before she even completed her thoughts. Alternating roughness and gentleness, pain and pleasure, or blending them, he infallibly saw to her every desire before she was aware he had it. Perhaps that was love, she didn't know. In truth, she didn't really want to understand, didn't want there to be a set meaning to the emotion. Love was what it was, mysterious and confusing, but, with Battousai, never dull and always full of passion.   
  
Kaoru was still sitting there on the hard floor, head bowed and shoulders slumped forward, when Battousai returned. When she didn't look up or even open her eyes, he moved to fluidly sink down next to her. A slight smile crossed her face and she leaned over just a bit to feel the heat emanating from his body. He tilted his head to whisper softly to her.   
  
"I brought you something." With each syllable his lips brushed her ear, sending delicious shivers down her spine.   
  
"Hmm, what?" she hummed. He tossed a package in her lap and she opened her eyes to look into his. He appeared thoroughly pleased with himself, but his smug grin was belied by the molten warmth that illuminated the deep gold of those wonderfully terrible eyes. "What is it?" she questioned, but his eyes bade her to open in and find out for herself. She pulled carefully at the string and let the brown paper fall away gently. A quiet gasp escaped her as her fingers trailed over rich black silk.   
  
Battousai tugged her to her feet and made quick work of removing the travel-worn kimono she wore. Kaoru allowed herself to be manipulated like a doll as he dressed her, reveling at the feel of soft silk and rough hands on her skin. As Battousai drew the obi into a simple knot, she looked down at herself. The color of a midnight sky, the kimono fit her elegantly, the silver obi pulled taut about her trim middle. She lifted an arm to look at the delicate silver-threaded patterns that trailed to her elbow like vines before tapering off. The hem that skimmed just about the floor was decorated the same. As she gaped at the garment she wore, she felt Battousai's arms encircle her from behind, pulling her flush against him at the same time he yanked her hair down with his teeth.   
  
"You're so beautiful." His voice was a husky whisper; she could feel the way his hands were shaking, ever so slightly. She whimpered as he traced her ear with his tongue and pulled at the lobe with his teeth.   
  
"Wh-where'd you get this? I thought you didn't want to go out," she moaned as his teeth rasped against her neck.   
  
"I have my ways, precious," he breathed, tongue hot against her skin. "You didn't take your bath, did you?"   
  
"No."   
  
Battousai's eyes lit up as if he were a child receiving a coveted toy. "Get your things."   
  
"B-but... what about people?" He cut her off with a quick kiss.   
  
"Who cares about them?"   
  
It was hard to disagree when his mouth was making such a convincing argument. Kaoru's defenses were entirely shattered when he turned her around and sought out her lips with his. Sinking to his chest, she couldn't do anything but nod. With a whimper when he let go, she quickly picked up a yukata and various other items.   
  
***   
  
As soon as they were safely in the confines of the bathhouse, Battousai practically slammed into Kaoru; she dropped her things instantly and wrapped her arms around him. Fingers trembling, they began pulling each other's clothes off. Battousai carefully extracted Kaoru from her new kimono, whispering promises never to tear this one. Kaoru was much less gentle, and Battousai had to restrain her from simply ripping the ties off his hakama.   
  
"Shh, love," he soothed. "I'm here. Always."   
  
He set her kimono aside where it would be safe, letting his own clothing merely fall to the floor at their feet. Placing a hand on his chest, Kaoru pushed Battousai back until he hit the edge of the tub and stopped.   
  
"Easy, darling," he crooned. "Slowly." He lifted her into the steaming water and was soon pulling her into his lap. He brought his lips to her ear to whisper to her. "This is our last night in Japan. I want you to always remember this."   
  
He might have said more, but his words were cut off by a groan as she brushed against his arousal. Before she could even finish the thought, he grabbed her hands as they were traveling down his abdomen. He shook his head in disapproval.   
  
"Slowly." Kaoru pouted, but he ignored it and, flicking his tongue out to lick the top of her nose, reiterated. "Slowly."   
  
Kaoru slumped against him in compliance; as always, Battousai got what he wanted. Part of her was disgusted simply because she gave in, but she couldn't help but submit to Battousai's natural dominance. She knew that if she begged, he'd give her what she wanted, but she didn't have it in her to deny him. As he molded his tongue to the curves of her neck and shoulders, he whispered all the things he could do to her, his voice low and rasping. She was helpless, unable to respond as his words flowed over her like the water he cupped in his hand and let cascade over her breasts. She tugged urgently at his hair; he knew she wanted his lips on her breasts, but refused her, instead leaning forward so that his loose hair barely brushed against her nipples. She cried out to him, but again he passed by her pleas, tilting his head upward to nip gently at her lips.   
  
"You want me, love." His words were punctuated by his tongue dipping in and out of her mouth quickly.   
  
"So badly," she breathed, chest heaving with the effort of her restraint.   
  
"What would you do for me?"   
  
"Anything."   
  
He loved the way she said it, so wantonly and needy, breathless. Now was the time to indulge himself in what he could make her do. Planting kisses on her face, he took her small hands in his. After guiding them over his own body for a few minutes, reveling in the way his skin tingled at her touch, he moved them away to rest against her own stomach. She eyed him curiously, and he gripped her hands more firmly as he slid them upward to cup her breasts. She gasped in shock and flushed slightly, though her cheeks were already reddened enough that it wasn't noticeable. When she tried to withdraw, he frowned.   
  
"No you don't, love," he said. "Touch yourself. Go ahead, show me what your desires are."   
  
Could she have found her voice, she might have protested, had she not seen the look in his eyes. Tentatively, she ran her hands over her breasts, and he let his drop to rest at her hips, fingers tapping lightly. For a few moments he allowed the before whispering to her.   
  
"Come, precious, you know what you and I both want."   
  
Again it was his eyes that convinced her, told her it was alright. Trailing a hand down her abdomen, she pressed it lightly to her womanhood, uncertain. He bit her shoulder gently, his own method of encouragement. Slowly, deliberately, she began to stroke herself, and was soon moaning quietly at the sensation. Battousai groaned at her sounds of pleasure, the sight completely and powerfully erotic.   
  
If it was wrong, Kaoru didn't care. The feel of her hand against the thrumming pleasure was impossible to deny, and she almost smiled when she felt Battousai's grip on her waist tighten painfully. She could feel his body shaking slightly and could tell how affected he was; the thought was only more arousing. Just before his nails broke the skin on her hips, he freed a hand to cover hers and stroke her insistently. She writhed against him at the doubled sensations, it was too good and too much to take. Pushing both their hands away, she rubbed against his manhood, begging without the words she couldn't get out. Battousai let out a deep groan and lifted her, pulling her down until he was fully within her.   
  
"Gods..." he growled. "So good..."   
  
They sat that way for a few minutes without moving, trembling in each other's arms. Kaoru took the initiative and began to rock her hips, forcing another strangled groan from Battousai, who ground his hips against hers.   
  
"Oh gods... harder, love..."   
  
She obeyed instantly, swallowing her amazement at his words. She'd never had control like this before. He moved against her, closing his eyes as she put more force behind her actions. She bent to catch his mouth in a fiery kiss, but it was soon broken by their moans. The state Battousai was in was almost overpowering.   
  
"Oh..." he hissed through his teeth. "Just like that, precious..."   
  
He reached down to stroke her, not wanting to leave her behind. It was all she could stand and she climaxed under his attentions, muffling her cry against his shoulder. The way she tightened around his length was more than enough to send him over the edge, and he threw his head back with a load groan as his hips bucked up, spilling himself inside her.   
  
Heated and panting, Kaoru let all her weight be supported by Battousai, who sank bonelessly against the tub, quietly trying to calm his erratic breathing. When she opened her eyes, he was staring back at her. The way he kissed her was proof enough of his overwhelming approval. Kaoru shifted to deepen the kiss; she heard Battousai growl and felt him growing hard again. She broke the kiss with a grin.   
  
"Again?"   
  
He smirked and she smiled. Battousai had hardly failed to make this a night to remember.  
  
***** 


	21. Redefine

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: And everytime I hate myself, you love me, forgive me. And everytime I lost myself, you find me, redefine me.  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Twenty-One: Redefine  
  
They left Hagi by carriage, which Battousai insisted on driving himself, as he could hardly trust anyone else enough to do the task. Kaoru supposed she couldn't blame him for his apprehensions, and settled in for the short journey to the coast. Briefly, she wondered why they weren't walking, but Battousai's mind was ever elusive and hard to read, and she resigned herself to leaning her head back and closing her eyes. Her state of comfort lasted only until Battousai had the horses properly warmed up. As they reached the outskirts of the city, Kaoru felt a jolt run through her and the carriage lurched forward as the two-horse team was urged into a quick canter. Swearing colorfully, Kaoru braced herself to keep from falling out of her seat and tried to think of something other than how many dips were in the road. She grimaced as she was jounced about, but tried to stay as positive as she could.  
  
  
  
'At least I'm not out in the wind.' It had been unnaturally chilly lately, and with the threat of rain added to that, it didn't make for a nice day to be riding about in the open air. Presently, her attention turned to keeping the contents of her stomach actually in her stomach; Battousai seemed to be making an effort to hit every hole, bump, and rock in the road, though in truth she knew better.  
  
Outside the relative luxury of the interior of the carriage, Battousai skillfully held the lines to two horses on the verge of taking off and allowing the carriage to careen out of control. But he knew very well that they wouldn't as long as he was the one who regulated the pressure on their mouths. Just as nature called to his most primal instincts, he was sensitive to animals. They would listen.  
  
Battousai made no attempt to shield himself from the chill wind that whipped through his clothes and hair. He could smell and feel the storm coming and he grinned. He loved nothing more than a storm, to feel the rain beat against his skin and run down his face. Rain was one thing that calmed him, even soothed him. But in the case of a storm, it was entirely different. With storms came lightning. To Battousai, lightning was something to be revered and loved for its danger and power. His smile slipped when he remembered that Kaoru didn't like lightning, her silly fear of it something she was unable to shake, despite all the help he'd offered during the past. He grinned widely at that thought, for his idea of "help" was generally sexual, and he'd long since figured out that her heightened tension during a storm worked to both their advantages. Usually he'd at least hold her and offer comfort, but it seemed she was on her own today, for they would need haste now. With a quiet curse he recalled their reason for speed, the message he'd gotten from Aoshi the day before...  
  
"Battousai-sama," the young boy had said. "I have an important message for you, from Aoshi-sama."  
  
It was at that moment he had realized that the boy was non other than Misao in disguise, simply because it wasn't humanly possible for anyone else on earth to say 'Aoshi-sama' with that inflection. She was so desperately in love with that man that it was almost disgusting to Battousai. Almost.  
  
Battousai had played along to avoid ruining the girl's cover, and he had read the note while she had silently looked on. The contents were, to say the very least, disturbing. According to Aoshi, the Chinese had returned, with redoubled strength and impossibly improved skill. Mumbling violent oaths, he'd crumpled the note and instructed Misao to tell Aoshi that he would be heading for the Hawaiian islands immediately.  
  
Life seemed to have it in for him; just as soon as he'd found someone to love, his head had become a much sought after trophy. What an incredibly sick sense of humor Fate had. The bastard...  
  
Battousai shook his head to snap himself back to reality. At the breakneck speed he'd been driving, their trip to the docks was completed only an hour and a half after it began. He mentally cursed the man he'd done business with for forcing them to go to a dock that was rather out of the way. It made Battousai wonder about the legality of the whole situation. The docks weren't obscure or unfrequently used, but they certainly weren't the nearest or most convenient.  
  
By the time Battousai reined the horses in, Kaoru was feeling rather sick. She got out of the carriage on legs weak from bracing herself to stay in her seat. Battousai took one look at her and smirked; she was a complete mess, hair and clothes askew. Kaoru glared at him, but her gaze softened as she watched him. He was dripping wet, and quietly talking to and stroking the neck of one of the sweat and rain soaked horses. It was almost like the two could understand each other, and Kaoru found that fascinating. She giggled when the horse tried to rub his lather-slicked head against Battousai, who shoved the animal away playfully. It seemed that there were too many sides to this man to be fathomed.  
  
As she watched him, it dawned on her that Battousai had more communicative and intuitive finesse then he'd let on, which explain how he always knew exactly what she wanted without her having to tell him. The way he talked to the horses, his voice a low, rumbling caress, was nothing short of amazing. His amber eyes seemed slightly softened, an unguarded expression she'd seen only directed at her in his moments of great intimacy and divulgence. The thought led to another, as was typical with Kaoru, and she wondered how much more it would take for his eyes to go violet, something she'd seen once, and even then it was faked. The one time he'd cried to her, a moment she treasured above all others, she had easily sensed that his eyes had taken on that soft, lovely hue, but she hadn't gotten to see it. Not for the first time, she wished she had.  
  
'Maybe I can get him to soften up...' Part of her longed to see the gentler side that lurked somewhere deep within him, hidden and tucked away, but the other part of her fiercely ached for his rough yet tender passion, she needed his bruising touch. She was torn.  
  
"What are you thinking about, lovely?" he asked when he noticed the far-away look she wore that generally signified she was deeply lost in meaningful thoughts.  
  
"You," she replied with a sly smile. A wide grin spread across his face. "You're so gentle and kind with the horses, yet with me, though you can be gentle, you're rough... almost needy, fierce at most."  
  
"Ah, you do bring out the best in me, don't you?" His tone had shifted a bit lower in his register than when he'd been talking to the horses. Kaoru recognized this at once, and knew he was trying to seduce her subtly. She would just have to turn the tables; it was his turn now.  
  
Taking a step closer to him, she stopped before she was actually touching him, the rules of propriety that society has always pushed upon her still ringing in the back of her head. Battousai cocked his head curiously, trying to read her expression and finding it frustratingly indiscernible. Kaoru set one hand on his upper arm, and in every aspect but voice, seemed as if she were making an innocent, earnest plea.  
  
"I bring out the best in you?" Her tone was soft and lingering; he had to stop himself from moving forward. "How can I be sure that what you've shown me is your best?"  
  
Hard amber fire flared in his eyes, her almost-innocent question portraying two levels of meaning, at least one of which he fully intended to further explore, if not both. Her gaze was steady as it met his, she was the perfect example of stately calmness. How did she managed to get under his skin like that?  
  
"Being rough, needy, and fierce are your best qualities..." she mused aloud. "Tell me... can you be angrier? Can you hurt me, break me, put me into pain...?" For all his practice at wearing an expressionless mask, he was visibly taken aback.  
  
"Can I... what?" It wasn't that the idea was unfavorable to him, after all, she'd already let him cut her, but he still couldn't believe exactly what he was hearing.  
  
"Strike me, bruise me, make me bleed and sob in agony," she said, ever so slowly. "If I asked you, would you do that?"  
  
"Gods yes," he responded, his voice taking on a hungry tone. Centuries of seeing the truth of the world and taking a cynical view towards everything had lent itself quite handily to Battousai's already sadistic nature; he needn't be asked.  
  
Kaoru heard desire in his voice, saw it in his eyes. "And then... would you love me? Love me, heal me, and restore me? Save me?"  
  
Battousai, as usual, flouted the rules of propriety and drew her into his arms snugly. "Always, love. I don't have to hurt you to love you."  
  
Kaoru didn't even try to pull away anymore, if people talked, that was no longer any concern of hers. She nuzzled her nose against the skin where his gi fell open, flicked her tongue against his warm skin, and slipped out of his hold when he stiffened in shock. Biting down a smirk, Kaoru gave him her most innocent look and inquired as to how he would return the rented carriage to Hagi and when they would be boarding the ship, all the while thinking that she had him right where she wanted him. She had taken his seductive net of words and double meanings and turned it against him. How she loved having the upper hand.  
  
Battousai found a boy at a stables, the kid looked about fourteen and scared out of his wits by Battousai's presence, and asked him to return the carriage and horses to Hagi. Seeing that Battousai fully intended on using his name and notoriety alone to get the task done, Kaoru stepped up and elbowed him in the ribs. The pointed look she gave Battousai clearly said 'If you don't pay the boy, I will punish you in ways you've never imagined.' With the boy shifting his weight back and forth from nervousness and discomfort at the situation, Battousai begrudgingly pulled out his pouch of money and handed the boy enough to appease Kaoru. The boy took the money eagerly and scampered off to fulfil his task.  
  
Battousai and Kaoru wandered the small dockside town, Battousai all the while grumbling that he'd never let her hold the money or he'd quickly go broke. She ignored him as he muttered things about how women shouldn't be allowed to make decisions dealing with finances, but quieted him with another elbow to the side when he continued rambling and mentioned something to the extent of "women are only good for one thing..." He would pay for that later.  
  
The stopped at a tea house and sat there for the remaining half hour they had before they had to board their ship. Battousai carefully watched Kaoru as she stared off into the distance; he couldn't help but wonder what was on her mind. The thought stopped him. He always wondered what was on her mind, and he always made her tell him. There were no secrets that he allowed her to keep. For the fraction of a moment, he wondered if that was wrong. Deciding that it wasn't, he took her hand in his when he saw a passerby looking at her just a little too closely. He leveled a glare at the man, who scurried away hurriedly when he finally noticed Battousai. Kaoru gave Battousai a small smile, but she was only half paying attention to him, and she let her mind wander off again. He blinked once and fell into silence, though he very much wanted to ask her about her contemplations. This one time, he withheld, leaving her to her daydreams.  
  
'It's not wrong to want to know her every thought. She's mine, after all.' Unconsciously, his grip on her hand was tightening, and she turned her eyes to him.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asked quietly.  
  
"Nothing," he spat. "Let's go."  
  
Kaoru raised an eyebrow, but took his offered hand and stood up. She sighed as he led her toward the docks, carrying both their small bags of clothing; she was never going to understand him, as much as she tried. Some days it didn't feel like it was worth the fight, when he would look at her with so much hatred and coldness in his eyes. But then he'd do something unexpected, and she couldn't help but want to know his every facet. Still, it was hard enough to know every personality of a human being, and he was irrefutably different. Emotions and rational thoughts were hard to draw out of him, and she was more than ready to just give up. Yet every time she tried to do so, he made her love him all the more and she found herself giving him one more chance.  
  
Battousai's mood had rapidly descended into anger, but for Kaoru's sake he was trying to hide it. The very fact made him realize how fully he loved her, because he usually would let his rage out on whoever happened to be nearest. He wasn't sure whether it was her, the world, or himself that put him in such a dismal mood this time, but he had the suspicion that there was no one to blame but himself. That happened to him more often than he would like, it was desirable to him that he control his emotions at all times, but they always got the better of him. It was his imperfection, the one that matched the long, thin scar on his cheek, and his hatred of it ran deeper than anything he knew. Perfection was something he was long in the seeking, and had never attained.  
  
Following Battousai's quick pace, Kaoru noted how stiff and tense his body was, as if he were ready to throw himself into battle at a moment's notice. She was too busy trying to decide what had him so upset to notice that he was dragging her on board a large ship. When she realized that she was no longer standing on solid ground, she stopped, yanking Battousai to a halt by the sleeve of his gi. He turned to stare at her.  
  
"What?" He sighed in exasperation; her trepidations were the last thing he needed at the moment. Not giving her the chance to answer, he tugged on her hand and forcibly led her to the small cabin that would be theirs. When he'd slammed the door shut and dropped their bags, he stared blankly at her, now letting her speak her mind.  
  
"What the hell has gotten into you?" she questioned hotly.  
  
"Nothing, I'm fine." He was more under control now, his voice was perfectly flat. If Kaoru didn't know him as well as she did, she would never have heard the caged wrath beneath the cold exterior.  
  
"You're lying," she hissed.   
  
Battousai lifted his hand to strike her, but he saw her flinch and dropped it to his side; she was scared of him again. 'Good, she should be,' his brain reminded him. 'She should respect you and obey you, you've told her that from the very beginning.'  
  
He ignored the voice in his head and gripped her by the shoulders, crushing his mouth to hers. Kaoru bit his bottom lip as hard as she could and pushed him away. Caught off guard, Battousai stumbled backwards a few steps before he regained his footing. Wiping his mouth, he looked at his hand and saw that she'd split his lip.  
  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he growled. Kaoru smirked at him; she could take a page out of his life's story. If he thought she couldn't assert herself, he was badly mistaken. Now she knew how successful she had been earlier, he wanted her, she could see it in his eyes. Eyes that she could, just barely, read anger and hurt in.   
  
'Hurt? Is that what's wrong?' she thought suddenly. "Not until you let me help you," she chided.  
  
"Help me with what?" he asked. "There's nothing wrong with me."  
  
"Stop lying to me!" she exclaimed. "Just stop! If you think you're unreadable, you're wrong. I know you're lying, and I know you're hurting, and for the sake of all that you hold sacred, just tell me!"   
  
Battousai stared at her for a minute or two. Kaoru stared back, but finally threw her hands in the air in frustration; she didn't want to play mind games with the Battousai, only to help him. But he seemed unwilling to let her. Tears of both anger and insult glistened in her eyes. She was furious that he wouldn't open up more to her, but she was also hurt that he didn't seem to trust her enough to do so. Battousai noticed the tears, but when he tried to brush them away, she bit at his fingers. He looked at her curiously, she was acting out of character for her; she was much more violent than usual.   
  
"Don't you trust me?" she finally asked. "Don't you love me?"  
  
"Of course I do," he said after a moment of shocked silence.  
  
"Then why won't you tell me why you're so upset?"  
  
"There are some things you needn't bother yourself with, precious," he said quietly.  
  
"Well I'm going to bother myself with you, no matter what you say," she replied, wiping her eyes dry. "You might as well tell me now, or I'll never let you touch me again."  
  
That was enough for Battousai to talk, as she had guessed it would be. He sat her down on the floor and then took a seat next to her, leaning back against the wall. More to prove that he could than anything else, he put his arm around her. She half-heartedly tried to shrug it off, but he only tightened his grip.  
  
"What's wrong?" Kaoru asked again, prodding him with her index finger.  
  
Battousai searched for words for a few moments. "You, me, everything," he finally whispered.  
  
"Everything?"  
  
"You don't know how it feels to have centuries of pain and torture held within your heart."  
  
"I can try to understand, you have to make me understand."  
  
"That's just the thing, Kaoru," he said, his voice rising with every word. "You can't understand, you'll never understand." He made as if to stand up, but sank back to the floor with a defeated sigh, head hung low and shoulders slumped. "I hate myself," he breathed.  
  
"You... what?" Kaoru couldn't believe his words, he had always been overly self-confident and much too self-absorbed for that to make any sense to her.  
  
"I hate myself. I've lost myself."  
  
"What can I do?" she asked desperately.   
  
"I don't know."  
  
"There must be something."  
  
"I just need you to love me, and to forgive me. Help me find myself, Kaoru."  
  
"I'll do anything for you."  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Damn. It's been a while. I've missed you guys! I'm sorry about the mishaps, but I hope to make up for it with kickass chapters from here on out. My battery's dying, so I have to keep this short, just thanks for your patience and it's great to be back. Ja ne! 


	22. Do You Want To Die?

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: Getadelt wird wer Schmerzen kennt vom Feuer das die Haut verbrennt (No, I don't know German, I just love this song [copy and paste with the lyrics, baby, oh yeah]... However, yes, I do know what it means ^_^ Crazy fun, ne? Ok, not really, but... yeah... yay Rammstein!)  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Twenty Two: Do You Want To Die?  
  
Battousai heaved a great sigh, trying to find just the right words to express all the loneliness and, dare he even say, anguish built up inside him. No matter how many times he reassured himself that Kaoru was still there, always right by his side, he was lonely. He couldn't be sure why, maybe it was because he had never really and truly confided in her, and let her know the full extent of the insanity that he barely kept contained.  
  
"Battousai, look at me," Kaoru said softly, cupping his cheek to turn his face up towards hers. "It doesn't matter how young or naive I may be compared to you, I can understand and help you with your pain because I love you. Perhaps you'll have to explain things to me, and maybe I won't comprehend them right away, but with time, I can share your burden. That's all I've ever wanted to do all along."  
  
If Battousai's face was capable of expressing gratitude, it would have been at the moment. As it was, his expression had softened considerably, and he leaned his cheek into Kaoru's palm. The warmth of her body was, as usual, a comforting reminder that he was no longer alone in the world. He'd been alone for so long that it was almost difficult to accept the fact that he wasn't anymore, but every time he heard the beat of her heart, or tasted her kiss, he knew it completely.  
  
"It's nice..." he murmured. "Not being alone."  
  
Kaoru smiled at him and kissed his forehead, much like one would a young child. Moving to sit in his lap, she cuddled against him and slipped her arms around his body. Battousai clutched at her and hid his face in the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent quietly. Even though she wasn't aware of it mentally, something in her knew exactly how to soothe and assure him.  
  
"It is," she replied. "I know how it feels to be alone."  
  
Battousai froze for a moment in thought. He'd nearly forgotten her own story, that she'd lived by herself for quite some time after her father died. They were more alike than anyone could have guessed, he decided with a facetious smile.  
  
"Tell me how you feel, Battousai."  
  
"In pain," was his short answer.  
  
Kaoru pulled one arm from around his waist and slipped her hand inside his gi to rest against his chest, right over his heart. He lifted his head to read her eyes, they shone with sad sympathy and warm compassion. Her expression was entreating that he let her help heal him. Stroking his skin lightly, she voiced her musings.  
  
"I don't know how it can be done, but I know that I am the one that can heal you, Battousai," she whispered quietly.  
  
"You pick up on more than you think," he said, almost smiling.   
  
It was clear to Battousai that she'd finally realized the full extent of the "semi-mortal restriction" that he had all along blamed for making him fall so completely in love with her that it hurt when she wasn't near. Kaoru had come into this knowledge on her own, without any hint of a suggestion from him, so he assumed that it was something she'd given long contemplation to. Not only could she love him and comfort him, she could take on his inner torment, cage his demons, and make him whole again.  
  
As he thought about that, he wondered if he truly wanted to be healed. There was a sort of demented comfort in knowing that one would always have sorrows to carry, something that he couldn't quite explain, but tried desperately to express.  
  
"This feeling..." he said slowly. "It's something I've lived with for so long that I don't know if I can let it go."  
  
Kaoru lifted her head from his chest and stared at him with rapt fascination that was coupled with curious confusion. He tried to elucidate the barely comprehensible statement that he'd just made.  
  
"The thing is, sweetling, that I don't know how to be a normal man. And I don't think I ever will be, you and I both know that, but what's more, I can't seem to summon up the desire to move past all the suffering and pain. I suppose that deep at the heart of the matter... I just... Oh Kaoru, I'm scared."  
  
His confession went straight to her heart, the truth behind the words shockingly endearing. As a rule, Battousai never admitted fear, or any misgiving whatsoever, for that matter. Kaoru couldn't help but wrap her arms around him and kiss him soundly. When she pulled back she gave him a brilliant smile; already he felt more at ease having confided in her.  
  
"You don't have to do this all at once, Battousai," she said placatingly. "Just telling me that much is all you have to do for now. Think about it for a while?"  
  
Battousai nodded and she smiled once more, dropping her head back on his shoulder. For a few moments they sat that way, pondering exactly what had just happened. After a while, Kaoru's hand that was in his gi began moving restlessly over his skin, and he looked up with a feral grin. Eying the western-style bed in the corner, he swiftly stood with her in his arms. Taking the few strides needed to get to the bedside, he dropped her with a thump to the mattress and flopped down beside her.  
  
Kaoru raised an eyebrow at him. "Have you ever, perchance, been told that you have a one-track mind?"  
  
His grin widened. "No one usually stays anywhere near me long enough to insult me."  
  
With that said, he reached over and lazily began to tug at her clothing. Kaoru rolled to lie on top of him, her palms on his chest and her chin on her hands. Battousai looked up at her with a playful smile. His hands snaked up to rest on her back and he sighed in content and closed his eyes. Despite all his teasing and Kaoru's earlier torment, he was tired and if that was the case, he knew she must be as well.  
  
"You need to sleep, love," he murmured as she laid her head on his chest and let her eyes close as well. "You haven't gotten enough rest lately."  
  
Kaoru snorted. "Whose fault was that, I wonder?" she asked sarcastically.  
  
"Mmm, yes, yes," he mumbled as he freed a hand and groped for a blanket. "Later..."  
  
Kaoru muttered assent as he shifted her to lie next to him and wrapped his arms around her tightly, drawing the blanket over both of them. She quickly fell asleep, her breathing becoming deep and comfortingly even, and he watched her for a moment before kissing her eyelids and letting himself drift away.  
  
***  
  
They woke some hours later to the clanging of an obnoxiously loud bell. Kaoru sat up with a groan and swore.  
  
"What the hell IS that?" she complained as she shook her head to clear it of sleep.  
  
Battousai gave a mighty yawn that made Kaoru giggle, and, having considerable more experience with ships, listened for a moment and was able to procure an answer.  
  
"That," he said. "Would be the dinner bell. Hungry, lovely?"  
  
Kaoru considered it for a moment and then nodded. Battousai simply stood and allowed the folds to fall out of his clothing, but Kaoru took one look at her wrinkled kimono and her nose wrinkled similarly. With Battousai hurrying her along, she changed into the red one she'd bought for herself and they headed off to dinner.  
  
In the back of his mind, Battousai could feel a growing anxiety at the situation. As they entered the dining hall of what was clearly an American-made and furnished ship, he wondered if he should have made Kaoru go retrieve them some food than be seen in public like this. Such a thing could only lead to more trouble than it was worth. Still, he hoped that if he was quiet and unnoticeable, that he would be just that. Reassuring himself by touch that his katana was still at his side, he'd set his wakizashi aside in the room, he steeled himself for what was going to be either an extremely eventful dinner or an extremely boring one.  
  
Eventful, he'd later learn, was only one way to depict what happened. Nightmarish or cataclysmic might have been better ways to put it, but eventful certainly was one description. Things started out well enough; Kaoru had sensed his solemnity and, looking at him, knew what was going on in his mind, so she knew to keep quiet and try not to draw any attention to them. They'd sat down at a corner table and treated the waitress with respect, no rude comments from Battousai this time, and been served promptly. They were nearly through dinner, and all seemed as if it would be well, when the trouble, if it could be put that way, first started.  
  
"Well, well, well," a voice said from Battousai's side. "Himura Battousai. On a ship traveling to Hawaii? Who are you running from this time? It does seem that you're always running, not actually confronting the problem head-on."  
  
Kaoru looked up to see what could only be described as disturbing-looking. He was tall, ugly, and had a rather pronounced insanity in his eyes. She glanced back at Battousai to see his knuckles going white as he clutched the tablecloth, and his eyes reading nothing but amber hatred. Whoever this man was, he most definitely was not in Battousai's favor. She wondered how he'd escaped death thus far. And now he'd insulted Battousai, calling into question his honor and courage. It could hardly go well from there.  
  
"Jin-e..." Battousai spat out. "I could ask you what you're doing here, but I'd rather see you dead."  
  
Kaoru started, her head snapping up. 'What happened to being unobtrusive? Shit... this is bad.'  
  
Before Kaoru knew what exactly was going on, chairs and tables were flying, and people were running and screaming. She sat completely still, following a very few of the movement of the two swordsmen with her well-trained eyes. They were fast, though, too fast.  
  
Battousai ground his teeth in frustration as he blocked one of Jin-e's strikes. Against any ordinary opponent, he knew the other assassin would have already killed the man and been done with it. Just barely dodging an attack from the side, Battousai released all thoughts that were unnecessary to defeat Udou Jin-eh.   
  
They paused to glare at each other and Battousai slipped easily into the stance that had long ago given him his name. Battoujutsu. Jin-eh stood no chance, any way they looked at it.  
  
"A shame I didn't get to finish you the first time," Battousai said, ignoring the pain and blood flowing from a deep slash in his side. The first time the two had crossed blades, Jin-eh had escaped with his life, just barely, by doing exactly what he had just accused Battousai of doing. Running, and refusing to face the conflict. Battousai had never liked Jin-eh since they'd met up in the Bakumatsu. (Unfortunately, Jin-eh, having been the hitokiri who worked by pay and with no loyalty, was recruited, to what point and purpose Battousai had never asked, for the Ishin Shishi. Battousai had not in the least bit been pleased, angered by the fact that the Ishin Shishi ever thought they'd needed another hitokiri besides himself, and several times had been restrained from killing the other man right then and there.) If he didn't harbor such a deep hatred for the other man, he would have looked at the previous situation objectively and admitted that Jin-eh ran because it was his only option save death, and if placed in the same position, he would have done the same. At least, now that he had Kaoru to think of, he would of done the same. The thought of Jin-eh ever having a woman was, however, more than just a little disconcerting.  
  
"Your battoujutsu would be far more impressive had I not seen it before," Jin-eh remarked.  
  
"You're one of the few," Battousai snarled. "And this will be your last time."  
  
Because of the break in movement, Kaoru had caught the entire exchange, which while not being extensive in words, told an entire tale in body language. Battousai was going to kill this man, and quickly. And she was going to see it. She wasn't sure if she wanted to, but it seemed she had no choice, because she couldn't tear her eyes away from the dance in front of her.  
  
Battousai moved first, followed just a fraction of a second later by Jin-eh. Bridled fury lent speed and strength to Battousai, who was in the air and using the ceiling to hurtle himself off the ceiling before even Jin-eh could see it. He came crashing down to the floor unceremoniously, his katana lodged firmly in Jin-eh's skull with a grunt, barely getting his legs underneath him in time to catch the tremendous force of the blow. He stood with a hiss of pain, but mentally reminded himself that he got what he deserved for using the precision-based style of Hiten Mitsurugi without the exact precision that it called for. He'd regret that later, but it was the means to an end. Yanking his katana from Jin-eh's lifeless skull, he flicked the blood off and sheathed it.  
  
Kaoru sat frozen in her chair, unsure of quite what to make of the display she'd just witnessed. Though she'd had years of swordsmanship training, never had she seen, or not seen, rather, anyone move like that. She was torn between awe and disgust.  
  
Battousai's eyes suddenly widened when he realized that Kaoru was still there; he'd hoped against hope that she'd run with everyone else. But he knew that had been foolish, as she wasn't so cowardly as the others. He was at her side in an instant, holding her hands in his and leading her away from the scene before them. Even he had to admit, it wasn't pretty.  
  
***  
  
Kaoru's hands were trembling, so slightly that it was barely noticeable, by the time Battousai got her to their cabin. She herself wasn't sure why exactly she was so stunned, other than the fact that she'd never seen so much sheer hatred and exquisite swordsmanship all at once. All in all, the night had simply been overwhelming.   
  
By the time Battousai had her changed into a yukata, she didn't really notice what he was doing, they'd still neither of them said anything. He carefully watched the blank look in her eyes, she was clearly replaying the battle again and again. Finally, after they simply stood and watched each other for a few minutes, she spoke.  
  
"That was... amazing," she whispered.  
  
"It... what?"  
  
"I've never seen anything like that," she continued. "Your form, the speed, the deadly accuracy, it was... I don't even know how to describe it."  
  
"My form..." He grimaced.  
  
"Maybe not on that last attack," she commented. "But the fact that you were able to compensate and still accomplish what you set out to do..."  
  
Battousai couldn't help but smile; this was the last thing he'd expected. She was obviously more serious about her swordsmanship than he'd previously realized. Maybe he had been wrong to forbid her from practicing; he frowned. They'd talk about that tomorrow. For the mean time, he had a nasty wound to care for before they went to bed. He was carefully wrapping it with cloth when Kaoru seemed to realize that he'd been hurt. Because of the speed of the attacks, she hadn't actually seen it happen, and she'd been too stunned to notice before, but now she rushed to his side and took the cloth from his hands to wrap it herself. She was better at that sort of thing than Battousai, as he never really cared much about taking care of himself. She finished with half a smile and allowed him to lead her over to the bed and carefully lay her down. He let his body fall heavily next to hers and a deep sigh escaped him.  
  
"I think we both deserve sleep now, love," he said before he let out a noise that was half-yawn and half-groan.  
  
Kaoru reached out a hand and tentatively kneaded the muscles on one of his lower legs. He winced and then laid back as she quietly massaged his aching legs. He gave a grunt of annoyance; he really was out of practice, which simply wouldn't do. The feel of Kaoru's strong fingers on his suffering muscles was the last thing that he thought of as he let himself fall into a light sleep. Kaoru looked at him with a sympathetic smile and laid down at his side, nestling against his arm that was beneath her head and, in turn, drifting off.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Holy fishpaste. This chapter took freakin' FOREVER to write. And I'm off schedule! NOOOO!!!! THE SCHEDULES!!!!!! I meant to post this... days ago, actually, but I wound up falling asleep at the computer, and then I decided to re-read the entire story to see where I thought the plot should go, so of course I had to spend time contemplating whether I loved or hated this story (I still can't decide... it's either total crap or really cool. There was one line I loved...), and then I got distracted by a killer game of Free Cell. Oh yeah... and when I was writing that whole randomly spontaneous fight scene between Battousai and Jin-eh, I wanted to look up... something or other... I don't remember anymore, so I was looking for my volume 2 manga and lo and behold, it was LOST! And do you know where I lost it? Get this... it was lost somewhere on my bed. It's official. There is so much crap piled on my bed that I'm losing things. I found all this great stuff though! I found my Vietnamese lesson for... uh... three weeks ago. I'm off-schedule on that too... Anyhow, yeah, that's pretty much all I have to say, I just wanted to rant about how lazy and disorganized I am. Isn't life grand? By the way... I just thought I'd mention that I seriously considered stealing more than Watsuki-san's characters, but a bit of his plot as well and doing the whole Jin-eh bit reminiscent of the series, but I decided against it. Yay creativity! I really only used Jin-eh because I wanted to use someone that's, in general, universally hated and annoying (not to mention massively creepy), and someone that Battousai could have a bit of a challenge to defeat, but still kick some ass. Besides, I was bored. You know, sometimes I can't help but think how STUPID Jin-eh was to actually assume that Kenshin wouldn't realize that a sakabatou has a difference in drawing speed than a katana? I mean COME ON! No one who has spent the time to master a sword style is going to fail to notice that. HELLO?! What the HELL was he smoking (besides the cigarette)? His stupidity pains me, only in a good way, because it's highly amusing as well. Oh yeah... also... this chapter title may seem really REALLY stupid, but it's meant on more than one level, so please don't like... kick me or anything. (Plus I was listening to that song that says "Do you wanna die?" over and over and I couldn't think of ANYTHING ELSE with that annoying line ASSAULTING MY EARS!!!) Yeah... that should end my ramble, which is now about half as long as the whole damn chapter... Ja ne! 


	23. Decadence Of Sickness

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: Ever met anyone who's style of driving a car/truck is sexy? Weird, ain't it? ^_^  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Twenty Three: Decadence Of Sickness  
  
Kaoru tossed and turned throughout the night, keeping Battousai awake. He propped himself up on one elbow and lifted his head to watch her, crimson hair spilling over his shoulder to brush at her nose. She shifted and swiped her hand past her face fleetingly and sank back into the mattress with a quiet groan. Battousai wondered what she was dreaming of that troubled her so much while he softly ran his fingers through her hair, frowning; it was probably him. He breathed a quiet sigh through his nose and dropped his eyes closed as he leaned over to kiss her forehead gently. Lying back down, he tugged her into his arms and held her body close to his, burying his face in the silken comfort of her hair. What he wouldn't give to take all her bad dreams and make them his own.  
  
Dreams were the bane of Battousai's existence, for they proved what was too real for him to attain, or what was too beautiful for him to express. In one manner of thinking, he realized that what he saw wasn't reality for him, and everything he saw that played behind the shade of his eyelids was nothing but a petty illusion, but then he had to wake in the morning. Waking meant the cessation of dreams, and those few moments of utter terror when he didn't know what was real and what was a dream; to him, at least for now, dreaming and waking were part of a hellish experience that he forced himself to undergo nightly. Sometimes he wished he could sleep forever; more often than not he wished he would simply fade out of existence and let the world forget that he ever walked upon its lands. It would make things so much easier. Kaoru's weight in his arms was all that kept him hanging on to the narrow thread that tie him down to sanity.  
  
Even in her unconscious state, when Battousai's warmth sank into her being, Kaoru felt instantly comforted by his safe presence. Whenever he was around her, she knew she would be protected, whether from a sword-wielding enemy or the pain of her own tangled emotions. Her dreams, while still being disturbing, ceased to be so important as the strength and unexpressed love she could feel from Battousai. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that she was too involved to back out now, her need for Battousai ran too deeply and was too entangled in her every fiber of being to allow her to ever leave him; the thought was slightly frightening, and was enough to draw her from her sleep, albeit slowly.  
  
Kaoru moved restlessly, rolling on her side to look at Battousai. Unsurprised to find her still sleep-laden gaze met by warm amber, she reached out a hand to slowly stroke his scarred cheek. He closed his eyes and pressed his cheek to her hand with a contented sigh, causing a faint smile to grace her face.   
  
"What's wrong, sweetling?" came the quiet rumble.  
  
"Nothing," was her whispered reply. "Nothing..."  
  
The press of her hand against his face slipped lower; she ran her palm across his chest and his eyes opened slowly, as if he were drugged. For the slightest fraction of a second, he wondered if any of this was real, and if he truly owned this woman that he held in his arms. Not for the first time, his thoughts lingered on death, perhaps it was best to kill her and then himself, to be forever embraced by the slow, cold sleep of infinite silence. Shaking himself mentally, he ignored the urge and pulled Kaoru to him, closing the distance between their bodies.   
  
Kaoru's eyes slid shut under the fierce domination of Battousai's mouth as he kissed her insistently. Something about the way he clung to her brought to the surface of her mind just how insane this man's need for her was. And she would do anything to comfort him what little she could, though in the end it always seemed futile.  
  
***  
  
Kaoru woke late in the day, feeling tired but satisfied. Though she would be the first one to admit that some of the things she and Battousai had done were depraved, she couldn't deny the fact that she was his to do with what he would. Battousai himself was not in the room when she sat up to look for him, pulling her yukata back on, and for a few moments she questioned herself as to where he could be.  
  
The inquiry was answered soon enough when he stepped through the door bearing a tray with food and a murderous expression. Lifting an eyebrow, Kaoru watched him restrain himself enough to set the tray on a nearby table and then fly into a rage. Sitting with her back against the headboard of the bed, she observed in silence as Battousai took the legs off a chair with one slash of his katana, and proceeded to stalk the length of the room with infuriated steps. Only when he began to take out his anger on his own skin did she move to stop him; the last thing she wanted was for him to carelessly slice a vein when his actions were being guided by his fury.  
  
Grabbing his bloodied wrist, she caused him to pause with his blade halfway up his arm. Before he could register her action, she tossed the object away and brought his forearm to her mouth. He blinked twice as she licked the wound clean, then shoved her away from him. Caught off guard, she fell to the floor awkwardly and sat glaring up at him. All in one wild motion, she stood, drew her arm back, and slapped him with all the force she could muster. This time he lost his balance and went down, looking utterly stunned, but he quickly reached up and caught her sleeve, pulling her down with him.  
  
Kaoru found herself easily caught in the lazy strength of his arms; she was now straddling him. She didn't protest when he grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked her mouth down to his. When he pulled back, blood dripped from his lips onto his face, but he paid no attention to it. What he was focused on was Kaoru's face, which was looking slightly pale. In an action that entirely contradicted his previous temper, he lifted a hand to brush her hair away from her forehead and feel her skin for fever. She looked down at him with a strange expression, and meant to assure him of her well-being before she passed out.  
  
Battousai cradled Kaoru's unconscious body against his chest and carefully eased himself up from the floor in order to place her in bed and pull the covers over her. A frown creased his face; she had seemed perhaps slightly feverish, but not overly so. What exactly had happened here? He felt like he was missing something, some important suggestion or shadow of a hint that would give him more insight as to what was going on with the woman lying before him. For the time, he passed it off as excessive paranoia but less-than-questionable intuition. It was more than likely that she just didn't handle the motion of a ship as well as he did, and he had pushed her too far the night before. He nodded to himself, both were logical explanations and when coupled as one, made it far too obvious what the problem was. There was really nothing he could do for her save letting her sleep and keeping a cold cloth on her head, both of which he was already doing.  
  
***  
  
With a groan, Kaoru pressed a hand to her forehead and sat up, bracing herself against the headboard. Looking to her side, she saw Battousai sitting cross-legged next to her, his head dropped forward as he sleep. As she moved, he stirred and lifted his gaze to sweep over her.  
  
"You look like hell." He was so very kind about it, Kaoru decided with a glare.  
  
Though on any other day she might have reprimanded him for the remark, which would inevitably lead to an argument, and where that would go was something only the gods knew, but it just didn't seem worth the effort at the time. Her head cried in agony as she slumped back down against the voluminous pillows Battousai had placed beneath her. It was entirely too difficult to keep her eyes open, but she struggled to do so as Battousai insisted that she eat at least something.  
  
After Battousai fed her a few pieces of fish, she almost instantaneously fell asleep, dropping her weight onto the bed and closing her eyes heavily. Smoothing her hair out of her face, Battousai stretched out beside her, loosely flinging an arm over her as he laid on his stomach with his head resting on his other arm. He was no longer tired, but his muscles were protesting rather loudly through cramps that he needed to extend them in a more comfortable position, so he contented himself to watch her and make sure to attend to her comfort.  
  
***  
  
The days continued much in the same manner, Kaoru ate very little and Battousai's anxiety increased steadily day by day. Often she was so deeply asleep that her ki became faint; he assumed her dreams, steadily plunging into the dark realms of hellish phantasms, were of a nature that with dripping crimson fangs coaxed her to shroud her ki, and the reflexive action in her sleep was so strong that it was not only imagined but real. The experience was unnerving, because he frequently was unable to tell what she was feeling, and sometimes if she was even alive, which terrified him to an extent that nothing else had ever been able to accomplish. At times, he read something unrecognizable in her ki, for seconds at a time. The perception was faint, generally only a mere pulling at his senses, so he let it pass without questioning what it was, most likely it was nothing more than another product of her dreams.  
  
Battousai spent his time lying next to Kaoru and holding her, mostly for his own comfort and sanity, or pacing the room, lost in thought. Reason told him that, eventually, she had to wake up, and that she was just sleeping off whatever illness or aversion to sea travel it was that she had. It was his greatest fear that she should never wake, and that she would traverse to a sphere which he could not follow her into. This woman was far too pure to join him in whichever hell he might be granted access to, and he dreaded that she should be taken from him for eternity once she was stripped of breath. He knelt by the bedside and took her hand in both of his, pressing it to his forehead as he closed he eyes and stumbled through what was his desperate attempt at a prayer. Usually he felt nothing but contempt for the gods, the calculative beings that forced him to sustain endless sorrows, but for Kaoru, he thought that perhaps he could pray.  
  
***  
  
Kaoru wandered through a field of grey flowers, alone and frightened. And cold, she was so very cold. Rubbing her arms briskly, she tried to see through the thick haze that hung in front of her vision, desperately searching for Battousai. If only she could find him, everything could be set right again. He would know how to save her. Too deeply lost in a broken vision, she could not find her way out. She tried to call out his name, but her voice caught in her throat. There was no one near her, or at least not that she could see. All that she could distinguish in the blur of grey on grey were the forbidding-looking trees that loomed ominously in every direction. Around her she could hear murmuring, thin, breathy voices that half-called to her and spoke wordless lies. She couldn't quite understand what they were saying to her, but they wouldn't cease their whispering. Pressing her hands to her ears, she couldn't block out the sound. A silent scream tore from her muted throat, and she began to run, to nowhere and anywhere.  
  
The trees seemed to open their branches as she drew near, running as fast as she could into the black forest. Her flight was wild as she ran with all the speed she could possibly muster. Stopping only when she could no longer force her body to take another step, she stumbled to her knees and lay sobbing on the cold ground, tucked into a fetal position. She was lost and terrified, with no way of getting back to Battousai. The most of her problems was glaringly obvious to her. Not only did she have a single estimate as to her location, she couldn't remember where she had been before now. There was nothing in her mind, no home, no family, nothing but Battousai. All she was certain of was that she had to find him.  
  
Time was nonexistent to Kaoru, she could have lain there on the grass and dirt that looked and smelled dead for two seconds or two thousand years; she really didn't know. But suddenly there was an unknown force coercing her to lift her head. With obscured vision, she gazed into the distance, caught sight of red hair. Within an instant, she was on her feet and nearly flying in the direction she'd seen the flash of crimson. He was there, in a clearing filled with gray sand and strategically-placed rocks, with his back to her. But something was different about this man; he was not the Battousai that Kaoru loved and, sometimes, knew. Once more she tried to speak, but again her voice refused to work. Slowly, he turned, staring right past her as if she weren't there. Kaoru took a few steps closer; no, this wasn't her Battousai, this man had no scar on his left cheek. Reaching out a hand, she tentatively touched the fabric of his gi, which was a vibrant red that stood out as much as his hair did in this world of grey and black. Looking into his eyes, she saw that they weren't amber, or even violet; they were almost the same shade as her own, but infused with a richer hue. Who was this man? He held himself with much of the same deadly poise that Battousai had, and he had swords hanging at his side, but he was not the same. There was no deep hatred and knowledge in his eyes, just simmering anger that was somewhat tamed by what appeared to be almost innocence. How could this be?  
  
Kaoru stepped back to the edge of the clearing and dropped to the ground with a heavy thump. She still didn't know what to do, but she couldn't leave this place, not when there was someone else here, even if he didn't seem to be able to see her and she couldn't speak to him. At least he was a human form; it brought her a shaky sense of normality. There she sat, for how long it was impossible to know, until she heard near-silent footsteps. She watched in half-anticipation and half-dread as another figure stepped into what she'd decided was a training field; her breath caught in her throat. Battousai.  
  
Had he come looking for her? She didn't think that was the case, for he didn't seem to see her, much like the other man that looked so akin to him. Just as she was about to stand and run to his side, he took up a stance that she instantly recognized as that of battoujutsu. She froze and the other man sank into a mirroring stance. Kaoru shook her head in confusion, trying to understand what was playing out before her eyes. Within moments, the two were locked in battle, making no sounds but the swishing displacement of air, the thudding of their feet, and the clash of connecting katana. What was going on here?  
  
Kaoru couldn't follow the movements, she soon grew dizzy trying to watch them. Shutting her eyes, she waited anxiously until she heard nothing but the heavy breathing of one man. She cracked her eyes open and saw Battousai lying face down in the sand in a pool of his own blood, a gaping hole in his back where a katana had been shoved through and then yanked back out. The man who killed him simply stood back a ways, surveying his work in silence before turning and walking away. Kaoru ran to Battousai's lifeless body and threw herself over him, ignoring the blood that soaked the front of her kimono. She sobbed soundlessly, stroking Battousai's hair over and over, and eventually heaving him up and turning him so that she could cradle his head in her arms as her tears spilled down his face. She didn't understand anything, but she knew that her Battousai had been taken from her, and that she was alone and scared and wanted nothing more but to die.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Wow. I have NO idea where the hell I pulled that out of... I really feel like my writing is getting worse as this is getting further along, mostly because I'm struggling to think of exactly where I want to go with it, so... yeah... sorry you got stuck with my crap. Anyone who thinks this is the last chapter, you're wrong. Give me cookies because you're wrong. This actually has relevance, which I'll consider being nice about and explaining later on in the story ^_^ Anyhow... yeah... whatever... I was listening to Plastic Tree's "Sick" and Dir en grey's "Masochist of Decadence" when I was writing this, hence the kind of strange but entertaining chapter title. Man I amuse myself sometimes... And that about wraps up this chapter of The Devil's Workshop. Please join me next time when we'll be learning how to take over the world with pipecleaners and pocky. 


	24. The One I Love

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: Am I too lost to be saved?  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Twenty Four: The One I Love  
  
Kaoru flung herself upright with a deep gasp, pressing her hand to her heart as if to still its wild beating as she panted, desperately trying to obtain much-needed air. Battousai was at her side in an instant, wiping the sweat from her forehead and holding her tightly to him. She cried quietly into the material of his gi at his shoulder, clutching at him as if she might never let him go, even if the world crashed to the ground in pieces around them. He breathed soothing words into her ear as he stroked her hair, letting her release all of her tears.  
  
After a while, Kaoru pulled away to look into Battousai's face, to run her fingers down his scar, to touch his chest and assure herself that he was still among the world of the living. Satisfied that he was whole and in relatively good health, she hugged him to her body with a sigh.  
  
"Tell me, love," he whispered. "Tell me everything."  
  
"Oh Battousai..." Kaoru whimpered. "I was alone, and I was so scared. I heard voices, and I ran away, I didn't know what to do. And then you were there, but it wasn't you, it was someone different. He looked like you, but he had no scar." Her fingers trailed across his cheek. "And he had blue eyes; they looked like mine, but darker. Then you really were there, and the two of you began to fight, and he killed you. Just... slaughtered you and walked away without glancing back once."  
  
"Shh, I'm here Kaoru, I'm here," he murmured to her as she began to cry again. "It was only a dream, it was all a dream. Nothing can hurt me or take me away from you. Ever."  
  
Kaoru sniffed and blinked her tears away; raising her head to look into Battousai's eyes. He seemed concerned, much unlike the last time she remembered seeing his face.  
  
"What were you so angry about?" she asked tentatively. "Before I... fell asleep..."  
  
Battousai paused. She didn't need to know all the details, did she? He could gloss over a few parts of the story. "The fight between Jin-eh and I was somewhat noticeable, lovely. The captain wanted to have me arrested and locked away in the bowels of the ship. I don't suppose I need to tell you that I wasn't terribly pleased by the idea. That's all."  
  
Kaoru knew he was lying; she had been with him long enough to be able to recognize when he wasn't giving her all the information that he had. Glaring at him, she meant to force him to tell her what else had happened when she was interrupted by the loud rumbling of her stomach. Battousai immediately left to get her something to eat, using her hunger as an excuse to keep from divulging the rest of the tale.  
  
***  
  
'She doesn't need to know that,' he thought as he walked down the corridors. The memory of the day flashed before his eyes. To say that he wasn't pleased by the idea had been one of the greatest understatements of the Meiji era to date, and possibly of all of history. Not only had he been irked, he'd been infuriated, enough so to kill. But he wouldn't have killed those men if they hadn't forcibly tried to detain him. Before they had even had the chance to finish tying the knot on the cords around his wrists, they had lain dead in pools of their own blood. It was a just reward for their actions, Battousai decided. They had, after all, dared to lay their hands on him. To him, that was an offense punishable by death. Then again, to him, almost every offense was worthy of the highest form of punishment. Death was an art form to him, and he couldn't help the fact that his art must be practiced frequently. Could anyone blame him?  
  
***  
  
Kaoru sat in the room that felt so cold and empty without Battousai by her side. Part of her ached to tell him more about the dream, and what she thought it could possibly mean, but she knew that she bore no likeness to a clairvoyant, so she thought that perhaps it was best to leave that particular region of an already sensitive subject until a later time. This was going to be hard enough news to break to Battousai as it stood, without adding any more complications.  
  
Inadvertently, Kaoru rested a hand on her lower stomach, as if to reassure herself that all was still well. She closed her eyes and leaned back into her pillows; despite all the rest she'd gotten, she was still very tired, and still slightly nauseated. With a sigh, she wondered how well Battousai was going to take her tidings.  
  
"What will Battousai say when he finds out..." she mused aloud.  
  
"When I find out what, love?" Her eyes flew open when she heard his voice. He eyed her curiously, trying to read her expression. "When I find out what?" he repeated.  
  
"When you find out..." Kaoru's voice failed and she pressed her hand to her eyes with a sigh.  
  
Taking a seat at her side, Battousai lifted her hand away from her face and moved it to his lips, gently caressing each of her knuckles with his mouth. His eyes declared nothing but love and desire for her, urging her to tell him anything and everything. Sucking in a deep breath, she gathered her courage and let her words spill out, say what she might.  
  
"I love you so much, Battousai," she said softly. "More than anything I've ever loved in all my life. I don't know what I'd do without you, and I hope against all the gods that this doesn't upset you. What I want more than anything is for you to be as pleased as I am."  
  
Battousai's brow knitted in confusing; she looked anything but pleased, she was pale and sickly. "What are you trying to tell me, precious?"  
  
"Battousai... I'm... We're... You're going to be a father."  
  
Battousai's eyes widened in shock. Kaoru buried her face in the crook of his neck, waiting with fear shaking through her veins. She wasn't sure what he thought of children; what if he didn't want the baby? Uneasy silence permeated the small room for several tense minutes before he eased her back to look in her eyes, his hands gripping her shoulders. Kaoru peered at his face; his eyes were soft and his lips were twitched upward in a small smile.  
  
"Me? A father?" he finally.  
  
"Yes, you," Kaoru said with a smile.  
  
"I didn't know..." he began. "I didn't know that was even possible... I don't... I don't know... how to be a father..." His speech was broken, for once he didn't know exactly what to say.   
  
"And I don't know how to be a mother," Kaoru said comfortingly. "But I know that we can figure it out together, no matter how difficult it is. We have no choice, we'll have to discover parenthood on our own."  
  
"A child with a semi-mortal hitokiri for a father, and his captive-turned-lover as a mother," Battousai mused aloud. "What kind of person are we bringing into this world?"  
  
Kaoru closed her eyes in contemplation. "I suppose we'll find that out along the way, as well. I can't say how exactly we're going to raise him. I know you can't give up killing that easily, just as I can't give up on my ideals on the sword that protects life, even if you've forbidden me to practice it."  
  
Battousai groaned. Back to that again, were they? He decided it didn't matter terribly, as she certainly wouldn't be practicing swordsmanship in her condition. They could discuss the issue later, after she'd had their child. He didn't know what to think about how the baby would be raised, and what morals they should impart upon him, but that would all come in time. Battousai wondered if there were any benefits bestowed upon the offspring of a semi-mortal and a human. All in time, he concluded. With time, the questions they had would be answered well enough for them to raise the child.  
  
After a moment, Battousai realized that Kaoru had referred to the baby as 'him', as had he in his thoughts. He voiced this to Kaoru, who smiled and said that she 'could simply feel, by sheer intuition, that their child was a boy.'   
  
Lying down and tucking Kaoru to his side, Battousai closed his eyes with a contented sigh. "What should we call him, lovely?"  
  
Her answer was given instantly and without the slightest hesitation.  
  
"Kenji."  
  
***  
  
Battousai laid awake while Kaoru slept in his arms, her calm and even breathing him soothing the tangled feeling in his soul. He thought back on the conversation they'd had such a short time ago. Could he be a father?   
  
'That explains the difference in her ki that I felt at times, at least. I should have known she was pregnant; I let my worry cloud over my judgement.'  
  
He shifted to lie on his side and trailed his fingers over Kaoru's belly. A small smile crept onto her face as she slept when he pressed his palm firmly to her abdomen; she was warm and soft as always, the thought made him smile as well. How he loved this woman. Lifting himself to rest his weight on one arm, he gazed at her face before lowering his head to gently kiss her forehead. A sigh of relief passed his lips as they skimmed over her temple; he had been so terrified and couldn't help but worry still. Never in his life had he known fear like that he'd felt when Kaoru had been unconscious and he had no way of knowing if she would come back to him. Pressing his lips to her chin, he silently worshiped her skin while she slept. Touch reassured him that she was still there with him, he needn't get a response from her save the sleepy sighs that she quietly exhaled. His lips roamed down her chin to her throat, his tongue dipping into the hollows of her shoulders.  
  
'All of this is mine,' he thought as his eyes slid half-shut. 'I would give anything to stay in this moment forever. How beautiful she is, how at peace...'  
  
Pushing away the fabric of her yukata, he bent to plant a loving kiss to the skin on her lower stomach, then moved to lie again at her side. Her hands came up to cradle his head to her breast as he flung one arm lightly over her body and carefully placed her legs over his so that he might tuck himself around her.  
  
He loved to hold her while she slept, just to be able to watch the shadows dance across her delicate features as she lingered in the realm of fantasy and sweet illusion. Tonight her dreams seemed to be much more pleasing; he sincerely hoped that he had something to do with that. Lips curved upward in a gentle smile, she looked to be completely lost in the tranquility of peaceful repose. From where they lay under the warm fabric of her yukata, his long fingers stroked the skin at her hip, solacing both her and himself.   
  
'What an odd pair we make. Completely opposite in outlooks on the world, yet I love her more desperately than I would have ever known I could.'  
  
With that strangely comforting thought, he allowed his eyes to fall closed and with one last whispered "I love you," he slipped away to chase his own demons with the knowledge that he had someone at his side who could save him.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Yes, yes, it was short. My apologies, but I'm working through a massive writer's block and a lovely bout of apathy. I decided to go with fluff, as you can never go wrong with fluff, ne? Anyhow, there's not much to say about this chapter except that the title is the name of a kickass song by The Rasmus. If you don't know who they are, but you like rock, I strongly recommend checking them out... Anyhow, enough of my advertisement stylings. I don't know when I'll have the next chapter written... My head hurts... so does my toe... 


	25. To Meet The Dawn

The Devil's Workshop  
  
MysticShadowWanderer  
  
Disclaimer: You are... my... keeper.  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Twenty Five: To Meet The Dawn  
  
The next few days were uneventful for both Kaoru and Battousai, with Kaoru feeling tired and oftentimes sleeping, and Battousai watching over her and trying not to drive himself insane with worry. At times he would stop to think about how they got to the point that they were at; he'd never expected or wanted to fall in love. His life, he had once assumed, would continue cold and alone until the gods decided to have mercy and finally let him die in a state that at least resembled peace. But here he was now, with a beautiful woman at his side that was bearing his child. Somehow that didn't factor in to the path his life was supposed to have taken. Despite his generally arrogant and over-confident manner, he was terrified of the prospect of raising a child. Could he care for a fragile life like that? At one time he'd thought that Kaoru was such a fragile creature as a child, but she proved him wrong, time and again; if he hadn't come along, she would have been able to fend for herself and survive quite well. But an infant was not as strong as his Kaoru, he would require care and attention, and Battousai didn't know if he could provide that.  
  
What would happen if he trained their child to be a hitokiri? To love the scent and taste of blood? Would that be wrong? Would Kaoru let him? He didn't know. Battousai strode out into the corridor, heading for the top deck. When he got there, he stopped at the railing and leaned heavily against it, watching the water below him slip away into an endless nothingness. Though his expression was blank, his mind was reeling with the possibilities presented by bringing a child into the hell that was considered life. It seemed kinder to kill the babe before it knew what it was to be in the world, but even he could not bring himself to commit such an act of grotesque monstrosity, even the Battousai would not go so far.   
  
If anything, he would greatly envy the child's innocence. Infants were such honest creatures, in a way; he had never possessed anything that resembled their naivety. That was the reason he had always despised children when he interacted with them, though the chance came up very infrequently, but envied and respected them from a distance. The simple unsophisticatedness that was, in essence, a child, offspring of the human race. Then again, what would the child of a semi-mortal even be? He rubbed the bridge of his nose and pressed his fingers to his forehead; this was all far too confusing and complicated to be thinking about for such a long stretch of time. Kaoru would miss him if he was gone too long.  
  
***  
  
The voyage, to Kaoru, promised to elongate until they reached the edge of eternity and then went further. She was quickly developing an intense dislike of the ocean, and sailing at the very least.   
  
'There has to be a faster, less sickening way to cross the sea.' She thought with a grimace as her stomach turned.  
  
Wearily, she let herself fall back down into the mattress and pillows that had become imprinted, perhaps permanently, with her shape from the amount of time that she'd spent in bed. Though she did have to admit the western-style bed was extremely comfortable, it was rather lackluster in the area of finding something to entertain herself with. Still, it would be hard to go back to sleeping on a futon, which somehow dulled in comparison, although she'd always been quite at ease with her slumber arrangements. All at once, she realized that it was unlikely that she would be sleeping on a futon anytime in the near future. Almost having forgotten that their destination was Hawaii, and then possibly further on to the mainland of America, she allowed tears to well up in her eyes. It was still difficult to believe that she had left her homeland, a place so full of memories.  
  
Long ago she'd quit worrying about her dojo. Battousai had dragged her off before she could get anyone to look after it, and though it was a greatly vexing idea that the chances of it being used for some sort of illegal gambling hall or being taken over by the yakuza were exceptionally overwhelming, she'd learned, with time, to ignore the pricking of pain in her heart that she felt when she let herself think of the home she'd left behind, the dojo that her father and she had been so very proud of. She simply had to remind herself that those things were in the past and she had Battousai now; some days it seemed a fair trade although on some occasions she thought that she'd rather have the dojo, student-less though it may have been.  
  
It was almost as if she'd left her entire life behind without ever once looking back. Sometimes she regretted it, but every time she looked at Battousai, she remembered why it was that she didn't shove a blade through her throat and snap her spinal cord.  
  
***  
  
'I don't want to control her, I want to love her.'  
  
It was becoming clear to Battousai that the line between the two was thin and blurring, devotion and mastery were blending into one. He'd been thinking about how many restrictions he'd placed upon her since he'd first met her, prohibiting her from practicing her swordsmanship just one of many things. The swirling, frothing waters below him seemed to agree that he had done no wrong. Everything he'd forced her to do, or not let her do, was for her own protection.  
  
'But she's still been in danger, despite that,' a voice in the back of his head taunted. 'She's still had to kill and use the skills she learned from her father. Just because you made her quit swordsmanship doesn't mean that it isn't natural to her, as is the way with other things. She's strong by herself, and only stronger with you by her side. Let her live a little more loosely.'  
  
But giving up control was a difficult concept for Battousai to grasp, especially with all that had happened in recent days, and he let the thoughts slip away to be remembered at a later time, when his mind wasn't in such turmoil. With a sigh, he shoved away from the railing and walked slowly in the direction of their room, still letting his mind race in contemplation, despite the fact that all he wanted to feel at the moment was numbness.  
  
For someone who had never cared about anyone else but himself, such emotions as he now constantly felt were a bit frightening yet. Love was so demanding upon him; if he were the type to turn to alcohol to solve his problems he would constantly reek of sake. Kaoru herself made all of this easier, it was only too simple to love her completely, but he sometimes didn't know what to make of himself and his life.  
  
Certainly it would get easier; he thought. Life couldn't always be so difficult and hard to comprehend. Pausing in front of the door to their cabin, he wondered briefly what Kaoru was thinking about before he shoved his way inside. Kaoru looked up at him from where she sat on the bed idly flipping through the pages of a book that she'd found buried at the bottom of the clothing she'd hurriedly thrown together so long ago at her dojo. Battousai sat next to her and pulled her into his arms as she began to cry. He held her head to his chest and she clutched his gi, helplessly twisting it in her fingers.  
  
"I know, love," he murmured. "I know you miss your home."  
  
Kaoru coughed and attempted to answer, but couldn't put into words how she felt.  
  
"I promise you that one day we'll come back," he continued. "It's not safe right now, though."  
  
Making a gesture that was somewhere between nodding and shaking her head, Kaoru tried to signify that he didn't completely understand. "Home is... wherever you are," she whispered. "But I just... I don't know..."  
  
Battousai held her closer and kissed the top of her head, overwhelmed by her sentiment. "Thank you, sweetling." She nodded. "Why don't you get some sleep, precious. I think we're going to be disembarking tomorrow morning."  
  
Kaoru wiped her eyes and sniffed once, not answering him vocally but instead choosing to lie down and pull him down with her. He buried his nose in her hair and breathed deeply, helping to calm both of them; him with her scent and her with his closeness.  
  
***  
  
Battousai, as was usual with the two, woke far earlier than Kaoru, with the idea in mind to take a walk on the top deck. Glancing upward, he marveled at the brilliant colors of the breaking dawn for just a moment. The wind whipped at his hair as he leaned over the ship's railing to look out ahead.   
  
'Land... much as I expected. We'll be on solid ground again by mid afternoon.'   
  
He quickly returned to his cabin, opening the door to find Kaoru completely outstretched across the entire bed. Slipping carefully into bed next to her, he simply watched her deep, even breathing as she slept. Even after spending so much time with her, he couldn't help but marvel over how beautiful she looked when she was completely at ease and her body was relaxed. Unable to help himself, he reached out a hand and stroked her cheek tenderly, attempting to pull her out of her dreams and back to him. She sighed quietly and he let his hand drift down, lightly trailing his fingers down the smooth skin of her throat to play with the collar of her yukata.  
  
"Kaoru," he whispered, his lips brushing her ear. "Wake up, lovely."  
  
Her response was to mumble something incoherent and to stretch her body in a way that was unintentionally enticing to Battousai. For a few seconds, he considered the fact that they would have to leave later, but ignored the rational part of his mind that told him she was already tired. Shifting his body over hers, his hands on either side of her face, he pressed soft kisses over her cheeks and eyes, which were slowly opening. A smile curved her lips upward, and she snaked her arms around his back, pulling him tighter to her.  
  
"Battousai," she breathed into his ear. "I love you."  
  
***  
  
"Hurry yourself, love, we're late," Battousai urged.  
  
"Whose fault is that?" Kaoru threw back at him as she quickly pulled on the kimono that Battousai bought her back in Hagi.  
  
Battousai shoved all of her other belongings into her bag as she finished tying her obi, then grabbed their things and, with a hand on her back, gently pushed her out the door. She was too nervous about stepping off a ship in a different country to protest the way he was currently treating her.   
  
Kaoru twisted her hands in front of her as they stood looking out at the island in front of them. It was hard to fathom that not so long ago, she had been alone in her father's dojo in Tokyo, with little hope of carrying on without breaking down inside. Silently, without a sideways glance, Kaoru reached out and took Battousai's hand in hers. He looked down at their joined hands and then up to meet Kaoru's gaze. They stood for a moment that seemed to stretch on forever, and Battousai squeezed her hand reassuringly. On impulse, Kaoru stepped forward and lifted her other hand to the back of Battousai's head to bring his lips down to hers. The kiss was gentle, passionate, filled with the love and fears that they both shared.   
  
"This is America, lovely," Battousai murmured against her lips.  
  
"Whatever happens, Kenshin," Kaoru said softly. "Just know that I'll always be with you. I love you."  
  
Molten gold met mellow sapphire, and without words they understood each other.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: And that is my grand finale. I'm just getting tired of writing this story. BUT FEAR NOT!!! This summer, I hope to start writing the sequel. At the moment, I'm just so swamped with schoolwork, all the ideas for fics that are in my head, the book that I'm writing, and the start of horse show season that I don't have time to continue this fic. Not to mention the fact that I just don't have any inspiration or motivation to write any more of the story. But don't worry, I'm not going to leave you guys hanging with no idea of what happens next. Eventually, I promise I will complete the story. Think of it as a really messed up Star Wars, which took forever to get finished (or... still isn't finished... yeah....  
  
To all my readers and especially my reviewers:  
  
Thank you all so very much! I love you guys! I'm STILL overwhelmed by the fact that I got so many reviews, especially after I deleted this fic and all the reviews and wound up with so many. Hugs and Kenshin-shaped cookies for all of you!   
  
This is Shadow, bidding you all a very fond farewell. Sayonara! 


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