Ouran High School Host Club 1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran.**

Stepping into the cavernous lecture rooms of Ouran Private College is like taking a large stride into a different world-one in which money is not cause for concern. In fact it is in abundance as can be seen by the opulent furniture and décor.

The marble and glass staircases simply scream wealth and old money.

The mahogany table tops as far as the eye can see only proceed to hit that metaphorical nail on the head to the point of no return. I am uncertain whether to be amazed or shocked by such frivolous décor.

Little by little, my amazement transforms to that of indifference as I somewhat clumsily lower myself into a seat with engravings of mythological events delicately interwoven; a raging phoenix whose fiery body draws comparison to that of a house fire angrily and maliciously burning through all possessions. But the influential phoenix is also a symbol of rebirth; being reborn from its ashes gives hope tangible qualities. The chair is also adorn with images of Greek heroes, arrogantly flexing their muscles like it is going out of fashion.

Clusters of well-dressed students are scattered across the room, giggling and talking loudly like they own the place and some of them probably do. Their clothes are of the finest silk and cashmere that money can buy, with vibrant colours such as crimson and vermillion galore. It is evident that they are used to such luxuries in the way that they carry themselves, as if they feel just because they have a trust fund with a minimum of six figures, they can do whatever the hell they want. Such arrogant attitudes annoy me.

Some heads turn in unison to face me as if mentally scanning if I am from a well-to-do family. Well, the laugh is on them because I got accepted into this prestigious college on my own merit and not because of my family name. I worked my ass off and now I am happy to say that I am reaping the rewards of my hard work.

I wish to become a lawyer and a successful one at that. I wish to become a lawyer like my mom whom sadly passed away when I was a mere child. I want to make her proud; for her to smile down at me.

These girls won't accept me because I am not one of them; I haven't been bred for etiquette and formal situations. My dad raised me as he saw fit; allowing me to have fun although I didn't often take him up on the offer which saddens me greatly as he is now suffering. I know he thinks that I don't love him. But that is wrong. I love him more than anyone. He has been my sole parent for the better part of thirteen years; I was only four when my mother died from injuries resulting from a devastating car accident when the front wheels of the car she was driving slid on the icy roads and into a nearby tree.

But I don't care if they don't deem me worthy of a place at their table. That is high school stuff; bitchiness for no apparent reason other than pure hatred, gossiping and giggling cruelly at students whom aren't as fortunate as others. Although I have never been bullied myself, I can understand what it would feel like. I have intervened when those around me were treated nastily. I can't condone such behaviour. To treat someone like a second class citizen simply because of their family income, background or ethnicity is unforgiveable.

I hold my head up high like I deserve to be here. And to be honest I do think that I deserve to be here. It is highly likely that those spoiled brats whom surround me, glaring accusingly at my scuffed Converse, shabby jeans and a plain blue t-shirt, got in on the merit of their family's money.

Isn't it great for some?

The click clack of exceptionally high heels reach my ears and I wince as they edge ever closer to me before abruptly pausing where I sit.

I glance up, my chocolate brown eyes rolling of their own accord in my exasperation as the admittedly pretty girl looks down her ski slope nose at me.

Her hair falls in long blonde waves down her back and her piercing blue eyes are fixed on me in a ludicrous attempt to intimidate. My attempt to stifle a chortle doesn't go unnoticed by her royal highness. Hmmm… I apologise for my sarcasm but she is really beginning to bother me with her bitchy behaviour.

"Is there something you find funny, peasant-san? You may call me Akiko-sama," she declares in a pompous manner.

She speaks Japanese with the hint of an American voice; she has evidently grown up in Japan and one of her parents must be Japanese to have given her a Japanese name.

She has been in my radar for the better part of five minutes and I have already garnered all this information about her.

She clearly is of the opinion that the sun itself shines out of her radiant ass. She even refers to herself as –sama, a clear sign of arrogance of which I am definitely not in the humour to deal with on this cool April morning; the sun is hidden behind a layer of clouds, waiting for the right moment to emerge from the mist to bathe the sakura blossoms in glorious rays of sun. I woke up late and I had to rush like crazy to catch the train before it departed the perpetually crowded station. I have a twenty minute journey to my college and since this is my first day, I must make a good impression.

And now Little Miss Pompidou decides to come and ruin my morning further.

"Excuse me," I utter.

She seems pleased and clearly of the opinion that I am about to apologise for my 'misdemeanour.'

"It appears that you are blocking my view of the podium and I don't want to miss a moment of the lecture."

"Um…are you calling me fat?" she demands.

"I believe that it is your own low self-esteem whom is calling you fat. I wouldn't dream of telling you that."

I hear a loud gasp of dissent from a large group of students on the far side of the yawning chamber, near the bay windows. They are sprawled out on their cushioned seats, their long limbs threatening to trip some poor unfortunates as they pass.

"You did not just say that to me?"

She sounds disbelieving; but I haven't insulted the girl in any way. She is just trying and failing to start a fight. I am not going to take the bait because there are bigger and better fights which help humanity that would be of more use to my future career as a lawyer than pointlessly arguing with an insecure girl. She is very pretty and it confuses me as to how someone whom is attractive as she would feel the need to be bombarded with constant compliments about one's physical feature.

"Don't you know who I am? I could end you. You are worthless, nothing."

"Akiko-sama, is it?" I say in a gentle mocking tone. "I believe that the lecture is about to begin, it might be of more use for you to get back to your seat than traipse around the staircases. You might fall in those heels."

Her glossed lips highlight her confusion as they drop from their previous pout into a gaping mouth.

"Are you threatening me?"

"Huh? Um, no I wasn't threatening you. I am merely warning you about the medical effects caused by high-heel wearing."

"I don't want anything to do with you." Her voice is so shrill that dolphins would recoil from such a dreadful noise.

"Good," I mutter under my breath as she storms back to her seat, fake tears already welling in her eyes.

I may be a girl but I can't admit to being overly familiar with the activities of a girl because I have never gotten along with girls. They dislike me on sight which is quite unfair. Is it my fault that I prefer to dress in comfortable clothes such as jeans and runners instead of short skirts and high heels? Each to one's own is what my dad always says. He can be quite wise when he wants to be.

The sensei walks with purpose to his podium with a hot cup of coffee in his hand. His hand is shaking in anticipation for the caffeine rush that is necessary to face a lecture room of forty four law undergraduates. His black moustache seems to dance upon his craggy face and his eyes are constantly darting up and down the aisles as if to ease his mind.

"I am Sato-sensei. Welcome to all of you. Bear in mind that if you keep on my good side, you will have nothing to fear," he states in a steady voice.

_Ha-ha, that and bribes of thousands of yen when it comes to cheating your way to a better grade_, I think wryly to myself.

As Sato-sensei plugs his laptop into the wall and turns on the projector, the large double doors open in unison and a tall young man of about eighteen steps into the room with a beaming smile across his face. His light brown hair is artfully tousled and I am about to pinch myself as I am seeing double. I can clearly see from my position a carbon copy of this self-confident guy.

Hmm… twins… identical twins.

**I hope that you all enjoy this story. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran.**

**Thanks to Lily Fenton Phantom, Shadowhunter69, Conan15, blacklightningwolf, belelle, Midnight4568 and Kc495 for your amazing reviews.**

They stand with purpose and dignity; their brown hair appears tinged with shades of red; crimson, scarlet and auburn in the harsh ceiling lights which bathe the room in artificial means. They don't appear at all worried in relation to their misdemeanour. They are tardy and it is obvious that they weren't busting their balls to appear on time. If anything their slouchy yet poised posture displays their inherent nonchalance.

They smile in a manner which is eerily close to that of a smirk but it hasn't quite crossed the boundary between respect and vague contempt for the rules yet. Their eyes are sharp like that of a pixie; mischievous to a fault beyond compare.

Their clothes are clearly custom made and only serve to emphasise their toned bodies. They are the type of guys whom are aware of their blatant good looks and exploit them to every inch of their life.

"Apologies, Sato-sensei, my brother and I were in dire straits; the barista at Starbucks kept messing up our respective orders and we ended up suing her for her painful incompetence," drawls one of the pair in a haughty tone.

"Tut, tut, she truly is a hazard to us all," speaks the other of the barista as if she were present in front of our astonished gaze.

"Of course brother. I mean how difficult is it to procure a double shot Frappuccino with extra light cream and heavy on a concoction of caramel and coconut swirl sauce."

Clearly, this question is rhetorical and I feel like this rowdy twosome are going to be the death of me before the day is out. I suspect that I will drown in a bottomless pool of their arrogance. Their speech patterns are all over the place and I can feel my head begin to pound in a manner which aggravates me. If I get a migraine because of their frivolous antics and law suit, I will spontaneously combust in my unadulterated fury. I didn't even realise that I cared this much about this nameless barista until her entire motive has been called into question.

It seems that their haughtiness is catalysing my ferocity.

They better sit their asses down before I sit their asses down for them. And believe me, that isn't as wholly pleasant as it sounds. It involves a whole roll of duct tape, two screaming buffoons and two very uncomfortable seats.

Oh dear. Is it just me or does that sound quite peculiar…even perverted?

"Hitachiin-san and Hitachiin-san, I would greatly appreciate if you were to cease this obnoxious time-wasting and proceed to the desk nearest you. This is not the time for petty problems and if you really wish to become a successful lawyer, you will learn to judge your battles before jumping imprudently into an unwise situation. If I hear a word from either the two of you, I can assure you that you and I will become quite…acquainted with one another," Sato-sensei replies in a dead-pan manner which leaves no room for argument.

It takes all my willpower to not laugh uproariously upon his words. It serves their pompous attitudes right and I feel a giant weight slowly lifting off my lungs which previously were being compressed by this invisible object. All is right with the world. And I am content for a while before I realise that the obnoxiously debonair yet dastardly beings slowly ascend the glittering staircases towards me. I silently scream and gnash my teeth in pure angst. But there is nothing I can do. I can hardly dispute their arrival. I can only sit and wait and spontaneously hold my breath hoping for safe passage. Or more specifically, safe passage that will guide these two babbling buffoons past my resting place towards a place reserved to such idiots in the lofty rafters.

With every step they take in unison, I become more and more certain that they will arrogantly sit their lanky bodies at the two tables adjoining my own. And so they casually throw themselves onto the cushioned seats to the left and right of my own.

"Hey-"

"-Cutie, how about you-"

"Take our notes for-"

"Us during the entire four years."

They take turns in driving me to the brink of insanity as they alternate talking. How do they manage to perfect this anyway?

"How about I don't and you actually do some work?"

They saucily smirk and I am filled with a sudden and complete urge to punch (or kick, I am not fussy) they right where it hurts.

At that instant, Sato-sensei begins to talk earnestly and I no longer have the patience to deal with those idiots.

"You are the future of moral behaviour of our world. You are here to judge what is right and what is wrong and how to choose the cases you feel passionate about. You uphold the law with strength and dignity. Lawyers are respected the world over and for good reason. Over the course of these four years, we will become well-acquainted. Every week, we will have a mock trial…and believe me, this will be of much help when you graduate. You will study a case study and then re-enact the trial which can range from that of minor crimes such as petty theft to that of damaging nature. A good lawyer is able to judge a person based merely upon their physical appearance and behaviour. I promise you that many of you will drop out before these four years are over and to you, I say good riddance. There is no such thing as a reluctant lawyer; passion is crucial."

His speech is riveting and I find myself at the edge of my seat in trepidation.

I hear the two sniggering imbeciles mutter under their breaths.

"Oh, who got his panties in a-"

"-twist."

I don't reply although I know I should. But I can't risk being punished or my scholarship will be at risk. I will deal with them after class. That sounds rather menacing but that wasn't my motive.

I continue to ignore them wholeheartedly for the entire lecture as I listen in utter rapture to the words of my sensei. He is brilliant and it's one of the main reasons why I pursued my scholarship with such drive. No other school will suffice. My mom also attended this school…and I suppose it feels nostalgic to attend my mom's alma mater.

I am constantly aware of their chortling and whispering to one another in hushed tones yet simultaneously trying to ensure that other people will listen to their conversation. Who do they think they are?

After approximately two hours, thirty minutes and ten seconds exactly I am at my limits. What limits you may ask and in response I will merely glare at you for even venturing to ask such a daft question. Within minutes your very bones will dissolve with the heat of my gaze and you will collapse into a pile of ash at my feet…

I wait with complete unflappability as the rest of the class dashes out and that is when I release the anger which has devoured my soul with relish for the past two hours.

"Excuse me but was there a need to be so disrespectful?" I question rhetorically.

"Well, before you scold and punish us-"says the slightly taller of the two with a coy wink.

"-let us introduce yourselves."

How aggravating. I will be here all day if they insist on being their garrulous selves. From what I have seen so far, they won't utter a single word if a hundred will suffice.

They stand side by side and the slight difference between their heights is emphasised.

"This is Hikaru, my lovably sneaky older brother-"points the shorter of the two with a broad grin plastered across his admittedly very handsome face.

"And this is Kaoru," Hikaru says.

"And we are the Hitachiins'," they say in unison.

Mind blown. Really and truly.

I grit my teeth as they babble on and on, not seeming to notice that I am not listening to a single word they are muttering on about.

I stride out of the large room in a desperate attempt to evade them but to no avail. They are persistent little buggers, I will give them that.

**I am so disappointed with this chapter; I wrote and rewrote this chapter countless times and I am still not happy with it. **

**Reviews are always appreciated-you can tell me where I messed up!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran.**

**Thanks to Lily Fenton Phantom, belelle, ShadowhunterCici02, Guest and Conan15 for your amazing reviews.**

I come to an epic realisation as I stride towards the dining area with its silk table top covered tables, with vases of orchids in extraordinary vivid colours and the two marble staircases which serve as the 'cafeteria's entrance. To call such an exquisite room a cafeteria is absolutely incredible. One cannot but envy the wealthy students of this college. They have opportunities that wouldn't be possible for me if I weren't a scholarship student. They are born lucky, with fistfuls of diamonds and gold as far as the eye can see. Or so I imagine, of course.

The realisation that occurs to me at this present moment in time is that the twins won't give up even if you growl like a dog and snarl at them.

It doesn't even affect them.

Not that I growled at them or anything weird like that…

Who do you I think I am?

Regardless of your perception in relation to my mental stability, which I can assure is perfectly fine and healthy, I think that we all can empathise with one another when it comes to people whom are extremely aggravating simply by being yourself.

And it is even more annoying since it seems like practically everyone knows the terrible twins. I have heard dramatic sighs, fake giggles and swoons from every direction since they started walking behind me. And that is only from some of the boys.

Seriously.

Okay, I know that perhaps they are somewhat desirable; they have classic aristocratic features, a sharp, ski slope nose, high cheekbones…I can list them all but we will be here all night and to be perfectly frank, I don't want to waste my time on such a meaningless task.

"Do you mind?" I ask them with complete exhaustion.

Geez…this to me is like a reminder of what mother hood would be like…a role that I am not wholly comfortable with, if I am going to be perfectly honest. Something about staying home and minding children to me seems monotonous and while somewhat noble to sacrifice your own personal life, also seems suffocating. I suppose that my perspective will probably change but even so I will work until the very last moment when the time comes to give birth. Call it madness if you will but this is only my own opinion. I am certain that other people will disagree with me.

It is definitely fact that while many women have the same qualifications as men, they are often paid less than their male counterparts. This is something that I hope to revolutionise when I graduate as a fully-fledged lawyer.

"No, not at all," Hikaru says cheekily with a teasing smirk and a mysterious glint in his amber eyes, an unusual yet striking colour that definitely suits him.

"You aren't bothering us!" Kaoru remarks mock-pompously if there is such a thing, he has perfected this art.

If this were an anime, steam would be rising from my ears like a wayward kettle and a cross popping vein would be evident on my head along with perhaps a comically red face. And if this were an anime, I would have displayed the following tropes in a simultaneous manner.

"Argh! I am the one whom deserves to be pissed off, considering you have been following for the past hour. What idiot decided to create such a huge campus, that it takes almost forty five minutes to walk from the law amphitheatre to the fricking cafeteria, is completely beyond me," I yell, losing my notorious calm.

I seriously don't know why I am acting so damn out of character. But let me just assure you all that I am safe in the knowledge that this kind of behaviour would piss anyone off. At least I hope so.

They don't seem a bit fazed. In fact, they are smirking like the clichéd bastards they are. I am not usually one for cursing so it says a lot about the situation when I do cuss.

So I apologize.

And anyway, I am starving and when I am starving, I tend to morph into a nightmarish character that one would be incredibly unlucky to encounter when I am in such a mood.

I can almost feel a blazing inferno behind my back; it would explain the sudden and unexplainable heat that I am experiencing at this moment. The flames appear to dance and mock with their taunting shades of yellow, orange and crimson. My patience is wearing thin and I have barely known these morons for half a day. Usually it takes a lot longer to infuriate me; I am usually quite tolerant although when it comes to such moronic behaviour…. I am not responsible for my resulting behaviour, let me assure you.

"It's okay. We will share you…." They remark suggestively in unison with an admittedly clever quirk of their eyebrows in a surprisingly simultaneous manner.

Geez…it's like they practise this particular gesture over and over again to perfection. Hmmm….this is quite an unnerving train of thought.

Grrrr….

"Perverts!" I smack the both of them and they grin wolfishly causing a rapid series of facepalms on my part.

"That's probably not the first time-"

"-we have heard that."

Again with the finishing of sentences. I don't know what is wrong with these two….

"And I promise you that it won't be the last," I retort, completely vexed by this stage.

"We like that promise," they say in harmony, adjoining their arms as they walk down the gravel covered path, saffron crocuses swaying in the gentle breeze, spreading pollen around for poor misfortunates whom suffer with hay fever and generally being a general nuisance despite their natural beauty. Juliet roses seem to be common place here; their delicate petals appearing extraordinarily stunning.

But one can't admire such pleasing flowers when there are two buffoons, skipping down the path and acting as if they are drunk.

Seriously.

I almost kiss the granite tiles as we reach the cafeteria. It has literally felt like an entire century has passed. I swear, I really empathise with their mom and dad, having to deal with the tiresome twosome constantly. If it were me, I would change my name and immigrate to some foreign country where they will never think to look.

"Haruhi, come and eat with us."

"You are funny," Kaoru declares with a certain amount of pride.

Hmmm...I wonder why he is acting like a first-time father. How annoying.

I need to make my escape now before they encourage me to change my surname to Hitachiin and move into their presumably large, magnificent home.

No. That could never do it, I vehemently think as I shake my head rapidly.

"Hmm..you look ill, Haruhi. Do you need me to call a doctor?" Hikaru innocently asks.

He is far from innocent. He is a devil.

"Yeah, Haruhi. You really do. You are all pale and sweaty. And you look like you are about to have a mental breakdown," Kaoru adds on.

I actually don't think that's politically correct...

While Kaoru seems to be less of a headcase than Hikaru, that still doesn't say a lot as Hikaru is the biggest basket case that I have ever had the displeasure to encounter.

Those twins are far from innocuous.

"No, no. I am fine."

But those are the last words I remember saying before blacking out completely.

**I had so much fun writing this chapter. I hope that you have as much fun as I did while reading it!**

**I will begin to write Skip Beat stories soon :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran.**

**Thanks to Lily Fenton Phantom, belelle, Kc495, ShadowhunterCiCi02, Chloeannje and Conan15 for your amazing reviews.**

Bizarre images flash momentarily through my mind as I struggle to understand what has just occurred. It seems to me that I blacked out due to some unknown reason. I am guessing that it is has something to do with this moronic twins. And while their personalities may not be weird, I sincerely doubt that they have ever said please or thank you in their lives, despite the fact that they probably have endured many etiquette lessons.

They are spoiled by name, spoiled by nature.

My eyes slowly blink open; I have been out for a few hours judging by the way I recoil like a nocturnal animal from the artificial light. Also my head is thumping rhythmically to a beat that escapes me every time I draw near. Urgh. This feels what I imagine a hangover to be like. Luckily I have never had that experience.

My throat is as dry as the Atacama Desert. I can practically feel tumbleweeds carelessly and lazily swaying gently in the near non-existent breeze. The breeze is so slight that it is negligible and only adds to my extreme thirst.

Anyway, I am getting carried away with this simile. Let's move on, shall we?

My eyes flicker shut once more before opening rapidly in my simultaneous distaste and amazement at the ludicrous décor which now surrounds me. If I were of the opinion that the overall interior design with its marble pillars, reminiscent of Ancient Greece and Rome, the elegant staircases which ascend in a majestic manner and the opulent nature of the extensive galleries, expensive pieces of art by Masters such as Leonardo di Vinci decorate the walls in a nonchalant manner as if to indicate that such matters are commonplace in this prosperous world I have taken a giant leap towards and exterior with its glorious gardens, luscious vibrant flowers lazily lying in the alluring sunshine…. Well I would be overwhelmed with the sight before me.

It has like nothing I have ever seen before.

It is beauty and it is grace. This room is painted a fresh magnolia colour with accents of crimson on select areas. One wall is covered in ebony wood panelling. Another is glass as far as the eye can see, looking out over the well-maintained gardens. I can tell from this height that not a single blade of grass is out of place. Even the grass is pampered to within an inch of its life. Seriously.

The furniture is exquisite with chaise longues scattered in seemingly random places, the carpets look so soft that one could peacefully sleep upon them. The tables are low with various treats such as lavish chocolate gateaux, mille-feuille and oh my god….is that ootoro?

The heavenly smell wafts towards me, tantalising me with its aroma and caressing me with its splendid appearance.

My attention is promptly dragged from this paradise in food form and to a group of well-dressed, gorgeous young men. You may think me rather too formal for such a situation and for describing them as young men, but it is the only word that adequately describes this admittedly handsome septet.

They range in height from petite to giant-like proportions, from blonde to brunette and-THOSE MEDDLESOME TWINS.

I grit my teeth and growl, unable to restrain myself. I am usually pretty calm and unflappable. But something about those two drives me insane.

They smile creepily in unison before linking their arms with mine.

Why do they keep doing that? Can't they see that this seemingly casual gesture is driving me crazy-

Or perhaps that is why they are doing it?

Argh.

Those…those….I can't even describe how dreadful they are.

"Ha-ru-hi," they sing cheerfully.

Why are they so cheerful, I grumble to myself? It must be a side effect of their obnoxiousness.

I groan in response, making my irritation absolutely crystal clear.

I just want to study and have lunch. It may be the first day of college but that doesn't mean studying isn't necessary to maintain my scholarship and good grades. Good grades take time and effort, something I don't have in abundance as of now due to the twins messing with my affairs.

I could have been in the dining hall right now, digging into the bento box I prepared this morning whilst dreaming about the delectable delights in front of my very eyes.

But no. I am stuck in a room on this stupid, money obsessed campus with a group of people whom are very obviously 'from money' and 'aristocratic' backgrounds.

Even the way they pose looks so orchestrated, it makes me want to vomit my heart out in harmony to the corny musical notes I can almost see drifting around this huge room. Really, who would ever need such a gigantic room? It's ridiculous. You could spend your life in here and still discover something new.

"Welcome to the Host Club," says the ridiculously good looking blonde whom must be at least six foot.

He bows and kisses my hand, his violet eyes twinkling like crazy.

Is he physically alright?

He gazes up at me, clearly confused.

What? Did he think that I would swoon and faint into his arms? What century does he think this is? It's like he is stuck in the middle ages or something….

"I'm Tamaki Suoh," he says with a grand flourish and a hint of a foreign accent.

Hmmm…definitely French.

"Oh? Really?" I ask without really asking, if that makes sense. What I mean to say is that to be perfectly honest, I don't really care who he is. He could be the UN Ambassador to Japan and it still wouldn't make a difference because I don't appreciate being treated like a fragile china doll.

He seems hurt and his eyes fill with unshed tears but just as quickly as they appear, they vanish like how I wish to leave this room immediately.

"Now selling tear drops for the greater good for mankind," he declares randomly.

Have you ever noticed that whenever says the random, it only serves to make whatever is supposed to be random completely superfluous… just a little thought.

I roll my eyes which is becoming an increasingly common event so I am not sure why you are all surprised.

I ignore his previous comment and direct my full attention to him in hopes that my questions will now be answered instead of casually swept aside like a speck of dirt.

"Why am I here?" I manage to keep my voice steady and somewhat calm but it sure is a struggle.

They really do make me angry…. I can already tell these boys act like they are god's gift to womankind simply because they are handsome and wealthy. Well, a good personality also helps and I am not sure that they have it in them.

The tall blond flashes a somewhat nervous yet simultaneously confident grin. Somehow I assume that he always exudes at least a bit of confidence. He just seems the type. With his blond hair, violet eyes and considerable height, I am sure that he is never short of a girl or two.

"Well, the twins injected you because you were quite irate or so they tell me and they were told to deliver you to me."

Now this is the point when I guess that I should be becoming edgy but what is the point. It's not going to solve anything.

I simply raise an eyebrow and remark "Why is that? Surely you know that could be considered a criminal offence. I don't know you from Adam and I am sure that he is a cracking bloke but the point is I don't know him."

Now it's his turn to look confused.

"Who is Adam?"

"Not important. All I am saying is why is it necessary for you to drug me and bring me to this room?"

"So you are saying that it isn't necessary to drug you and perhaps Adam wouldn't have done so?"

"Would you just forget about Adam? And yes that's basically the gist of what I am saying."

His striking violet eyes widen considerably in apparent shock.

"Where would the fun be in that?"

He is…joking, right? But judging from the look on his face, he clearly isn't.

In the background, the twins grin manically like dual Cheshire cats on crack.

That is when I lose my cool. After being followed by two identical idiots, being subsequently drugged by the bothersome pair and then having to deal with another moron, I am tired and annoyed.

"Hikaru! This is your fault!" I yell at him which probably is a bit uncalled for but whatever.

Hikaru seems considerably more mischievous than his twin and I realise that it is probably his doing.

As if to further emphasise my perception of him, he waves his hand in a mocking manner at me.

Wait…something suddenly occurs me.

"Wait, how do you know who I am?"

A spectacle-wearing, clipboard-loving (seriously it hasn't wandered from his hand since I have come to) gazes coolly at me, emitting such a chilly aura that I almost freeze solid.

"Oh, I have had my private police force follow all incoming freshman for academic performance, general interaction with the public and of course with members of the opposite sex. And you have surpassed our expectations although you are merely a scholarship student and therefore not worthy of our time….but you do have one redeeming quality, you are a natural. You may call me Kyoya-sempai."

His tone suggests that if I were to call him anything else, his private police force would pluck me out of my bed in the dead of night and in the morning I would wake up very cold and wet at the bottom of a pool…

And it is so kind of him to admit that I have one redeeming quality. How considerate.

And his little cracks about my economic background? That's below the belt I grumble.

I am grumbling a lot today.

**I really enjoyed writing this chapter :D**

**I hope that you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**Please read and review :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran.**  
**Thanks to Lily Fenton Phantom, Chloeannje, ShadowhunterCici02, Conan15 and Kc495 for your amazing reviews.**

I am currently engaged in a very intense stare—off. I know what you are thinking, since when isn't a stare-off intense? And you are probably right. That is a common characteristic of stare-offs in general; unless it happens to be directed at my father after he has returned home extremely inebriated and basically fucking high. Then the stare-offs I engage in tend to be incredibly one-sided as he will simply nod his head and comply with my every demand like a little puppy. I swear, he is more similar to a puppy than I care to admit. I mean one time he pissed himself right in front of me as I lectured him on the dangers of marijuana use and their carcinogenic qualities…not to forget their little habit of killing off brain cells.

And he kept saying "Yes Haru-chan," and "No Haru-chan," like it was his fucking job.

But to be fair, the vast majority of the time it feels like I am the parent and he is the child. How messed up is that? I am more responsible than other 'kids' my age…and by the way, I resent that. Technically I am an adult; I have recently turned eighteen to little enough fanfare and I feel like it is extremely condescending to treat an eighteen year old as a child.

Well whatever. I am itching-absolutely itching-to physically scrawl that arrogant smirk off 'Kyoya-sempai's' face. In the space of five minutes, he insults my family, my background and me. I don't know about you guys but I don't take kindly to such ignorance.

The handsome but incredibly idiotic French guy begins to dance in a rather bizarre fashion as if in an extremely misguided attempt to diffuse the tension.

I hate to break it to you-'Tono', I mockingly muse-but your messed up dancing is only serving as a backdrop to the whole tense, awkward atmosphere that Kyoya-sempai and I are constructing in a passive-aggressive manner….perhaps this situation is now bordering on a belligerent stage that is really beginning to bother me.

For one thing, my glasses are covered with scum and dust that is making it exceedingly difficult to focus my glare on the overly tall individual in front of me. I am assuming that it is indeed possible for a person to be overly tall, as I am vertically challenged….I am not sure that my argument on this matter is making any further sense…

"Haruhi, you may as well give up,"Kyoya says whilst chortling in the most unsettling and irksome manner you can imagine.

"How about I don't and you start treating me like a living, breathing human being whom has most of the same body parts as you and whom actually does have emotions contrary to popular belief?"

At this, six members of the septet mutter the key phrase that seems to mark such occasions.

"Burn!"

That's right. Burn baby burn. You have stepped into the blazing fire, are you ready to take the heat?

It suddenly occurs to me that these imbeciles have been so busy tormenting me, they haven't even told me emwhy I am here./em Seriously. It's like every bit of logic was plucked from their bodies at birth. I have an overwhelming urge to scream like a miserable banshee-well, the miserable part is pretty redundant as banshees are miserable by nature.

"Anyone care to tell me why I am here and what it is that you want with me. Otherwise I am going to storm out of this room in exactly five point four seconds after I have slapped you all silly. And I am not an aggressive person," I say nonchalantly, trying and almost failing to keep my voice level and calm.

Their blank faces tell me all that I need to hear (or see if you want to be technical about it). They either don't have the faintest idea why I am here or they are withholding information. A tiny but persistent little voice in the furthest part of my mind is telling me that the second option is the most likely…due to the fact that Tamaki-sempai's face resembles an extremely ripe tomato right now. It is clear that he feels guilty and or nervous. The rest have excellent poker faces, much to my utmost surprise. I am used to being able to distinguish a person by their appearance. This is kind of freaky…

I suppose that I will need to involve the use of my two friends Knuckle and Sandwich if they don't open their admittedly delicious looking mouths soon. As I mentioned, I am not one to resort to violence but when you are completely unaware of your current surroundings, nerves quickly begin to set in. Am I in trouble or something?

I can practically hear an ominous soundtrack playing repeatedly in my head but as I glance around and notice a pianist angrily playing a beautiful musical piece whom seems to be attached to the piano quite literally. A silver cord is tied around his left foot….in a sick and totally inaccurate way, it is like an umbilical cord as if the very piano itself gives him life but of which he resents.

His half-moon glasses are covered in dried tears and I am astonished that he still manages to play as beautifully as he is.

The silver cord appears to be digging into his foot. From this angle, I can see that there appears to be blood encrusted around his leg and even on the floor.

What kind of assholes are these guys?

Tamaki-sempai appears like he is about to spontaneously combust trying not to reveal any potential truths to me. But abruptly and quite evidently, the tension has proved to be rather too much for the violet-eyed simpleton.

"Alright! I will tell you! We would like for you to join our Host Club as a female host to attract guys because in the student handbook, it is against campus policy to segregate genders. Every club must appeal to both sexes," he dramatically announces.

You may ask why he dramatically announces this quite ordinary statement but from what I have seen, this guy is always like a time bomb about to explode with theatrical performances which are unwarranted the vast majority of the time.

"Thank you, that's all I wanted to know. But why me? And why did you have to drug me to tell me something so simple? And most of all, you expect me to join your messed up club when you don't object to torture," I utter as I gesture to the hysterical pianist.

The poor guy…

"That is just a game we like to play," Kyoya-sempai coolly utters.

Just give me a minute to process that. A game…play…amusement….that's it. They are complete psychopaths.

"He is covered in his own blood, I can have you reported for physical harm!" I am truly shocked.

At this, the septet giggle uproariously.

I….I am surrounded by nutters. Why are they laughing at such a moment?

Hikaru and Kaoru stride over to the pianist, skipping merrily arm in arm whilst humming a merry little tune and in unison lick the blood off the pianist's foot.

"Ketchup," they mutter as they smile blissfully.

What. The. Fuck.

What kind of messed up game is that?

I can only look on in horror as the pair lick the tears off the weeping pianist's quite attractive face.

"Vinegar," they yell in delight.

Okay I have now obtained my daily dose of eccentricity. In actuality, it is extremely possible that I have exceeded the dose by a vast amount and in fact I am in danger of possible overdose.

Also I can only handle a certain amount of stupidity per day….I am not even going to mention how much times I have felt the need to continually facepalm myself in the last five minutes.

I am not going to question their motives but as it turns out regardless of my silence or whatnot, they answer my unasked question. It must be fantastic to think that everything revolves around you.

"You may ask why this man is tied to a piano, covered in ketchup and vinegar and I would have to say that is a pretty good question albeit slightly predictable. The thing is that I was extremely bored and l love nothing better than tying random people up and covering them in condiments. Also he is a scholarship student," Kyoya-sempai curtly remarks; in fact he does look quite jaded.

A deep metaphorical wave of extreme weariness washes over my very soul. I sigh in complete exasperation; it's exactly what I expected of the apparently notorious 'Shadow King' although up until today, I have been happily unaware of such an existence.

He is so cold; so very cold that it is as if even icicles are warmer than his freezing cold interior. And also his exterior. He even looks like a person whom is so incredibly aloof that they are practically friendly…if that makes any sense? Hmmm…I suppose that my theory doesn't really make sense.

Tamaki-sempai at least has the grace to appear disenchanted with this obnoxious deed and Honey-senpai seems to be on the brink of tears.

Hikaru and Kaoru on the other hand are treating this entire situation like it is some malevolent scheme that they have elaborately cooked up. And you know what, I wouldn't even be surprised to learn that they are the backbone of this game.

I will join this club; if nothing else but to show them that just because you are privileged with shit loads of money doesn't give you the right to carelessly treat someone whom happens to be of a lower class than themselves.

I can't believe that I even have to explain this. You would think common sense is an innate trait.

I sigh inwardly before scowling at the pack of them. Regardless of the fact that the majority of the club probably weren't involved in this scheme, none of them decided to act on moral responsibility to help someone whom clearly isn't very jovial at being tied up to a grand piano.

If I succumbed to the slumbers of sedation later rather than sooner, I can only guess that the poor guy would be stripped to his boxers and splayed on the piano in some lewd manner, just so that they can feel superior. Perhaps I am exaggerating….but I am not holding my breath because if I were to hold my breath, I would undoubtedly run out of oxygen as they would have proven me correct time and time again.

"Alright, I will join but under five major conditions!" I mutter, semi aghast that I am even trying negotiate with these wretched people.

Kyoya-sempai looks up from his Mac, in which he has been typing furiously, nearly breaking the keyboard with the incredible speed of his finger banging speed. Um, pardon the innuendo. I didn't intend for it to sound so…so suggestive.

I wouldn't be surprised if it came to light that he is updating the latest chapter of his erotic story which involves tying a man to a piano.

"Make that three and we have ourselves a deal," the Shadow King himself boldly retorts with a devilish smile.

Fair enough. Five would have been a bit of a stretch anyway.

"Number one, no more torturing people especially whilst I am in the vicinity of this nutty campus. Number two, I will only accept guys. While I am not one to fuss over the nonsensical aspects of gender, I have proved to myself in high school that I am in fact straight. I mean, if one of you guys were gay, I am sure that you would be offended to have to be subjected to flirting with the opposite sex, even though you lust over dicks and such. It is just a matter of choice; I hope that you understand. And finally number three, there is a limit to the amount of times that you can annoy me. Understood?"

The troublesome group nod their heads almost in unison, seemingly happy that I agreed so quickly. Well the way I see it, they will aggravate me until I eventually decide to join anyway, so why waste all that time?

Kyoya-sempai in particular seems to be nodding his head fervently.

"I understand, I do like myself some dick too." Somehow he still manages to remain taciturn. He pushes his glasses further up his nose, somehow managing to make it incredibly sexy.

It pleases me that he is so open; my dad for years couldn't admit to himself that perhaps he isn't as straight as he likes to believe. Or the way he likes to put it; he can't bring himself to love a woman other than my mother which I appreciate. While I want my dad to be happy, of course I do; I am not heartless. I am also scared that if he were to marry another woman, she wouldn't accept me and would try to make my dad hate me. I know that it is a ridiculous notion but during elementary school, my 'friends' would mutter little scandalous stories to me that inevitably would cause me to shut my feelings off from the world. That is why I am so reserved now; it's easier. My mom had only been dead a few years at that stage and the wound was so fresh…I was so young. I wondered where my mom had gone and I would cry. My dad would sob into my long brown hair until it was completely soaked and I would have to wash it over the sink in the dark because the electricity bills hadn't been paid.

Promptly and before I am able for human contact again, I am rudely torn from the somewhat melancholic memories of my past.

A large legal contract is placed before me on a small gilded table.

"Sign here, here and here," Kyoya-sempai mutters whilst pointing to various sections. He must be joking. Of course I am going to read over this important document. I am an aspiring lawyer for crying out loud.

Remember when I said that I was rushing this morning? Well, that also meant I didn't have time to put my contacts in. Luckily I am not so short-sighted so as to be completely flummoxed and bump into people without my precious little friends (AKA contacts). Although it does mean that I can't read well without them. The words all jumble up together like ants scavenging around random sections of the page.

I resign myself to reading over this document for the next few hours and I shoo the boys away for fear that they distract me with their foolish antics.

**So it's kind of a funny story...actually I am lying. It really isn't funny. While I was writing this chapter, about 2000 words in, my longest chapter yet...my laptop just randomly freezes and the screen turns black. I am having a fit, my dad is yelling at me, telling me that it is 2am and to get to bed. Eventually my laptop turns back on and apparently autosave chooses this exact moment to have a hissy fit. FILE ISN'T SAVED...I HAVE A SHIT ****FIT...and then I begin to write from memory. I mourn the loss of that chapter RIP. It was so brilliant. This chapter is boring in comparison.**

**Hopefully I didn't bore you to death or annoy you with any possible OOCness!**

**If OHSHC were real, Kyoya would so be my gay best friend so I decided to let that fantasy come to life :)**  
**Please read and review and basically just tell me where I went wrong!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran.**

**Thanks to...**

**Guest-I hope you enjoy this chapter**

**greenday14**

**KanameZeroYuki**

**Queen-of-Heroes**

**AnimexMusicxFood4LIFE**

**Chloeannje**

**Jinnxe ForeverKuran**

**Conan15**

**Kuro13Dead**

**ShadowhunterCici02**

**Mysticxx**

As I remove my cats-eye glasses which were previously perched on my head in a surprisingly kitsch manner, it suddenly occurs to me that I didn't wear my glasses this morning. Ah well, the author is to blame for such a blatantly obvious story continuity error and for that I roll my eyes in utter exasperation.

The legal document which lies before my very eyes on a lace doily is simultaneously vexing and amusing to me. It appears as if they have been raised to become lawyers since they were mere children and therefore have an unfair advantage over me. Why is it that members of the aristocracy feel the need to **needlessly **rub in their wealth and power over the general population? Let me just tell you that I don't buy this **bullshit **one single minute. And while I am perfectly capable of writing up legal documents, there is no way on this good earth that I will ever manage to write one with such pretentious jargon.

_Pro bono publica, Haruhi Fujioka will wholeheartedly participate in any and all excursions or events which may take place in the near future. She will not complain or whine or moan or protest or nag or otherwise shame the Host Club be that in mind, body or soul-._

Wait a minute. How am I supposed to shame the Host Club in mind or soul? I continue to read and sure enough there resides the answer to my question in italics.

_She does not have the right to even think about the Host Club in a manner which can be considering demeaning to the other members of the Host Club or its clientèle. That is to say we have professional-and by we, I mean, of course myself Kyoya Ootori whom possesses a personal police force trained in the art of body language and facial expressions, for no other reason than the sheer frivolity I revel in. Needless to say, Haruhi Fujioka, you have met your match…and perhaps you do not fully participate and at least pretend to enjoy the going-ons of the Host Club, there will be…consequences which may or may not involve the divulging of information or pictures which may be considered personal….._

_You may sign the document with the fountain pen enclosed. And remember I am watching you. _

Wow. I think it is fairly safe to say that this Kyoya guy is incredibly intimidating regardless of his cool appearance; his thin-rimmed glasses which fall gracefully down his aquiline nose, causing him to continuously push them right up again in an offhand manner. Simply put his glasses hide the icy glint present in his eyes until he chooses to reveal his dark side.

As I dramatically shiver in the wake of Kyoya Ootori's icy glare, I realise something utterly revolutionary. Perhaps he has captured my rebellious phase during junior high from afar. _Quelle horreur! _But how? Until this very day, and unfortunately for me on my very first day of university, I have never seen this rather intimidating guy in my life.

Well…that is not quite true. I have caught glimpses of him here and there as he stood next to his dad, current president of the Ootori group, on TV but it has long been rumoured that the youngest Ootori son will not have a fighting chance of inheriting the large chunk of fortune they possess. In this way, I can't help but feel pity for him.

Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to play along with their charade for a while? At least until I manage to come up with a loophole which hasn't been previously mentioned in that dreaded contract. Mark my words I will reveal them for who they are; utter lunatics whom believe poverty is a disease and heartlessly tied some sad individual to the grand piano. His heartbroken cries are affecting me more than I can accurately describe. Although I realise they aren't actually physically hurting him, they are causing him misery and humiliation.

With a sigh and a grand flourish of the fountain pen which sure enough is neatly tucked into the corner of the initial embossed parchment, I sign my fate into their not-so-capable hands. To be quite honest, I am surprised they haven't involved an actual blood ceremony in which I would sign the parchment with my own blood and a feather topped quill. It appears like something they would do….. Bizarre, potentially dangerous and trivial.

But there you go...let's just hope that I don't meet my demise...

**Please don't throw tomatoes at me! *pouts* I have been soooo busy with school-it's my last year of secondary school and I will be going off to college next year, hopefully to study Law or Medicine! :)**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter...not a single chapter for months and BOOM!**

**I would really appreciate if you were to leave a review with any critiques you may have :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran.**

**Thanks to...**

**Pikapika**

**Guest**

**Kuro13Dead**

**Shadowhunter69**

**ShadowhunterCici02**

**claraowl**

The transition from high school to that of college isn't so much smooth as it is an obstacle laden journey as one attempts to comprehend the inner workings of college life. For example the cliques which appeared so commonplace in high school haven't died with a sudden boom akin to that of a glorious display of fireworks, revelling in the sheer freedom one feels due to the reduced pressure to fit in. In fact the cliques resemble that of societies with strict rules and regulations.

The sororities must not under any circumstances mingle with the so-called 'lower class' students such as myself, for fear of catching the dreaded disease of poverty. Um, yeah, this is what I must deal with and it aggravates me to no avail. Perhaps sororities are not as elitist in public colleges?

All I know that if it were not for my scholarship, I would jump ship and attend a school where I won't feel under constant scrutiny to conform to a certain standard as if in a valiant attempt to prove myself over and over again. Although from my own personal experience, a sense of suffocating pride seems to surround the various groups in the lecture hall whenever I fail to answer a question correctly. To be quite fair, the number of correct answers exceeds that of incorrect answers and I am not being arrogant but merely stating a fact and yet a perpetual hum of derisive laughter can be heard from the four corners of the room upon the event of my failure.

And yes Hikaru and Kaoru often sit either side of me, their legs constantly draped in my lap, no matter how often I try in vain to push their legs off me. I honestly don't know how they manage to clothe themselves due to the sheer length of their respective legs. I swear it's like they are all legs and nothing else.

At this I take a momentary respite from my meditative state to ponder something entirely different. Why do they choose to sit practically on top of my, practically crushing me in the process when the lecture room as cavernous as it is, can cater for a stadium of people watching a particularly riveting game of football and all their shenanigans. Okay perhaps that is bit of an exaggeration. But the question still remains as valid as ever.

Hikaru and Kaoru at present now resemble plants wilting in the sheer heat of the summer sun as they stoop and hunch over their text books in a gallant endeavour to appear nonchalantly studying. But alas they fail miserably, for the entirety of the time I have known them, approximately a week and 15 hours, they have managed to do everything except study. They have a phenomenal talent at procrastinating, I would give them my seal of approval if their unwillingness to show any interest in their studies didn't highly annoy me. As it is, I must promise their favourite snacks which entails anything Italian or spicy in nature and even better drowned in a sea of maple syrup and for Kaoru basically anything that Hikaru adulates. So far it is working!

They seem to think that I haven't noticed their furtive exchange of glances between the pair of them almost as if they were communicating via some unknown twin connection which may be fully plausible in relation to Hikaru and Kaoru as they are so in sync with one another, it is very nearly frightening.

I simply sigh and continue dutifully taking notes. Knowing my luck, they stopped paying attention a long time ago and they will pester me afterwards for a copy of the notes until I have no choice but to comply. They really are fantastic at draining my energy, I simply must applaud them.

Oof!

I grimace at the unexpected jarring pain which shoots up my leg.

"Hikaru!" I hiss under my breath. "What are you playing at? Keep your game of footsie to yourselves! What have I told you? I seem to recall that either you go outside and revolve your differences or you sit your ass down and cop on."

A grin akin to that of the Cheshire cat's appears on Hikaru's face and immediately I know that I am in trouble. This sneaky suspicion is confirmed upon meeting Sato-sensei's grim frown which appears to be constant.

"Fujioka-san, I expect better out of you than this ape-like behaviour. Can I confirm that I have your permission to continue?" he sleekly questions.

I resist the urge to retort, biting my tongue to keep my angry words from spilling out akin to that of lava. I swallow my pride and nod, tears pricking the corners of my eyes which I try to desperately hide.

Usually I wouldn't be hurt by such words but perhaps a combination of the jarring kick Hikaru so kindly sent my way and the scolding and belittling of Sato-sensei's words which caused such an emotional response.

Sato-sensei, seemingly satisfied by my embarrassed state, retreats back down the sweeping staircase with his usual strut. Great, a school full of sadists, I grumble.

Kaoru, always the more sensitive of the two, smiles gently at me, patting my shoulder and saying "Just ignore Hikaru. He hasn't had his mid-morning snack and so he is moody. He will realise that he hurt you later."

There, Kaoru goes again, fabricating excuse after excuse for Hikaru's benefit.

With that I roll my eyes and mutter "Yeah, sure he will," but upon seeing Kaoru's hopeful smile, I add "Perhaps he will."

But I won't hold my breath.

Kaoru, keeping a close eye on Sato-sensei, whispers in my ear "I will tell you later why Hikaru can be so indifferent to other's feelings sometimes."

Hmm, intriguing. Is there an actual reason for Hikaru's lack of sensitivity or Kaoru is just covering for his twin once again?

Glancing at Hikaru, whose eyes appear downcast, I realise that he might have hidden depths.

Until his heads twists so quickly, I am surprised that he doesn't get a crick in his neck as his almost amber eyes twinkle with excitement.

Or maybe not….

**Apologies if Haruhi appeared OOC in this chapter-blame Hikaru! ;)**

**As per usual, I haven't had any time to update due to study, study and more study :(**

**Hopefully you all enjoyed this chapter!**


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