Escaflowne 1. Everything is Not fine

(A/N: Hello peeps! Yes I know I'm starting a new story and I probably shouldn't be but oh well. I've gone insane from not writing! Lol…anyways enjoy my new story!)

Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne or any of its characters!

**Chapter 1: Everything is Not fine**

Feathers…there were feathers everywhere. There was so many of them that I couldn't see anything else. I could feel their softness over my cheeks and arms and it's not until I reach out to touch one that something else dawns in my consciousness. My arm was tied down. Well that's funny…why would my arm be tied down? It's when I try to untie one arm that I realize my other arm is tied as well.

Suddenly, a tension around my legs and neck appear in my consciousness and I begin to panic. What was going on? I couldn't even turn my head for there was something pressed against both of my temples.

The feathers start to clear at this point and I wish they hadn't. From what I could see, beeping machines were everywhere and tubes seem to be protruding from each of them with their ends leading to me. I try to talk but my throat felt rough, so instead I do what any normal person would do who's confused and trapped. I struggle.

"Oh she's awake. Let's get this over with so we can get back to business." A male voice says from my right side. I strain to see who it was but the container my head was in didn't budge. Shouts erupt from where the first voice came from and my mind gets jolted by something…a memory? No…I've never heard this voice before…have I?

"No! Don't take her! No!" The male voice shouted and it filled me with such anguish that tears started forming and I wish with all my being that I could call out to him to tell him…to tell him…a prick in my neck sends pain down my body as I feel my consciousness slowly draw back into the blackness.

I groggily open my eyes and peer around to where an annoying buzzing sound is emitting. It was my alarm clock and it was doing its job, but I still loathed the device and its signaling to another wretched day.

My hand flies out and knocks it to the ground but the buzzing persisted. Fuck my life…my mind thinks as I drag myself out from under the numerous comforters and blankets I had piled up, and reach down to hit the off button. The cold air of winter hits me and I wish for the millionth time that my parents would stop being frugal and invest in a heating system. It's a fucking heating system! People need to stay warm damnit! Especially in Utah where six months out of the year there's snow or something close to it in temperature.

Hastily, I get dressed in normal blue jeans and t-shirt with a heavy sweater thrown over it. Allen didn't like bright colors or new styles so all the clothes I wore to school were neutral colors and bland, normal clothes. Nothing exciting.

I sigh as that last statement settles into my mind. No…nothing was ever exciting around here, especially since I got with Allen. He's just worried and over protective all the time. I wish he'd realize that I'm not a china doll and that I do have feelings and won't break with one touch.

"Hitomi! Wake up class is going to start in 10 minutes!" My roommate Yukari yells from the bathroom. I bolt up from my depressed thoughts and rush around the room grabbing my school bag and books for the classes I have today. Shoving previous thoughts from my head, I knock on the bathroom door and yell that I'm going to the cafeteria and then right to class and that I'll see her this afternoon.

I run down the hall and burst into the cafeteria short of breath and silently wish I don't run into Allen. The lunch line was short and I grab a banana and apple quickly, but right when I reach the door a voice sounds behind me, "Hitomi! Over here sweety!" Oh my god…Allen…I retain a sigh as I plaster a smile on my face and turn to greet my wonderfully over bearing boyfriend.

He runs at me but stops right before reaching me to tenderly take me into his arms and hug me. Sometimes I wish he'd actually bulldoze me over and knock me to the ground in his excitement to hug me. Sometimes…I wish he'd actually show me how much he says he loves me.

Yes I know I'm being picky and that I should be happy that he's so tender because that's a rarity among men from what I've heard but I just want something different. I want someone who shows raw love to me; someone who will just grab me on a whim and kiss me hard and passionately.

Allen lets me go and smiles at me in a friendly manner. He really doesn't love me like he says he does. I'm not sure why he stays with me living this lie but I'm getting tired of it. I'm getting tired of this small town, of this small school, of this no love relationship, of everything.

I turn around and mutter over my shoulder that I have to get to class before hurrying out the door. The problem with my actions was that Allen didn't find anything wrong with them. He wouldn't come running after me to see what was wrong. He would leave me be and be his same friendly self the next time I saw him.

Classes weren't anything exciting. I still wasn't sure what I was majoring in which was an ever constant thought in my already thought filled head and it got worse after each passing semester. Soon my generals would be done and I was supposed to know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

The end of the day brought relief in the sense that I would be going to sleep soon and wouldn't have to think about my life. Yes I know I sound emo but really, I'm just not going anywhere in my life. My life has no purpose to me and it isn't going anywhere in my opinion. I've been with Allen since the beginning of high school, five years ago and nothing has happened except for my life plummeting in the excitement department.

Getting into bed brought a sigh of contentment from me and I happily snuggled into the blankets until I closed my eyes. Feathers flashed through my mind and I instantly shot up as my last nights dream comes back to me full force. That was a weird ass dream Hitomi. Maybe stay away from the violent movies from now on. I reason with myself as I snuggle into the pillow again and close my eyes.

"Don't take her!" A voice screams and I shoot up shaking violently. I knew that voice. Where had I hear it before? I feel my eyes hurt as tears well up. Where was all this anguish coming from Hitomi? I ask myself as I furiously wipe my face. I was against crying ever since Allen saw me crying one day and made fun of me.

"You have nothing to cry about Hitomi." He had said looking incredulous. Sure, nothing to cry about. It was just my 16 year old dog had died. The dog that I had grown up with my entire fucking life. But I listened to him. I was young and naïve and didn't want to lose him. Having a boyfriend meant everything to me in high school and even through my freshman year of college, but now…it was different. I don't know what had changed inside me for me to look at everything in my life so differently but it's happened and now I'm miserable.

I try to think of where I'd heard the voice before again but drew up a blank. Frustrated, I hop out of bed and go into the kitchen to raid the fridge I shared with Yukari and Millerna. They had been my best friends through elementary school on up to now but even they didn't seem to find anything wrong with how Allen treated me. In fact, they drooled over him more then I ever had and he's my boyfriend! So many things didn't seem to make sense in my life.

Expelling another defeated sigh I opt for left over pizza and throw it into the microwave. I let my mind wonder as I absentmindedly watch the pizza turn in a slow circle. Flashes of feathers flitted across my mind whenever I closed my eyes but the shouting was gone. Just feathers…

The beeping of the microwave jolts me back to reality, and I again feel disoriented and anguished. Groaning, I bend over rubbing my forehead on the counter muttering quietly, "Fuck…my….life."

"Van, it is time for your appointment again." The man says from my doorway and I lift my head slowly from the pillow. Yes, it was time for my appointment. Yes…

"Ok." I say blandly as I slowly get up from my mattress and follow the man down the hall to the examination room. Time for another appointment…yes…another appointment. My mind thinks over and over again.

The man enters the room and I follow closely behind already knowing what is to be done. This happened every other lighting time and I was used to the procedure. I had always been used to the procedure. At least, that's what they tell me. They tell me I've lived here my entire life, but it's been so long that it's normal for my mind to retain only the past eleven or so years; that my childhood was just too far in the past for my mind to remember. They say this and I believe them. I believe them because they say this.

I sit on the long, white bench with my legs straddling either side and wait for them to continue. They check my pulse and draw a blood sample, and check my ears and eyes. I don't even flinch when they start putting in the needles. It was part of the procedure. Everyone had procedures they said, but we weren't supposed to talk to each other about our procedures. They were personal just to us. This was fine because they said so. They said this so it's fine.

Merle and Dilandau are fine and so is Folken. They are all fine and I am fine.

"Now Van, produce your wings please." The man says in a nice tone. He is a nice man and I do what he says. I vaguely feel him pulling and prodding my wings, and pricking them with different needles but it is fine. Everything is fine.

Soon, I am done and they let me go. I thank them and leave the room, walking further down the hall to the eating room where Merle, Dilandau, and Folken are already eating. They greet me and I greet them before going to the eating line and picking out some food. Today's special was broccoli with cheese melted over it. The food was always good.

I scoop some broccoli onto my white plate and head back to the table. There was only one table but that was fine. There were enough chairs for all four of us and so this was fine.

We talked about the food and about how Merle moved her bed to the other side of her room. This was big news for such a change is exciting. She says her room looks completely different now and she's a little scared to go in to it again. I tell her that I'll come with her and we will move the bed back if she wants. She said she'd like that a lot and so she and I say goodbye to Dilandau and Folken and head to her room

Merle's room was smaller then my room but she was a smaller being than I was so this was fine. Her room did look really different with her bed moved and so we moved it back to its original place. She was happy about this and I left her in a good mood.

"Darkness in five minutes. Darkness in five minutes." Said the man and I walk a little faster to make it to my room in time. When darkness hits, it's impossible to see in the hallways but we are still allowed to turn on our lamps if we wish to stay up later.

Right when I reach my door the lights up and down the hallway shut off simultaneously and blackness surrounds me. But this is fine but it's the natural way of life. The darkness comes for so much time before the lighting takes its place.

I didn't feel like staying up so I fold up my clothes neatly at the foot of my bed and cover my now naked skin with the sheet that is provided to us from the man. The man is very nice because he gives us a sheet. Without the sheet we would be cold with no clothes on. He is nice and everything is fine.

(A/N: Soooo what did you guys think? There will be more action in the second chapter but this was just an intro chapter. Please review and let me know what you guys think so far! Thanks :D)


	2. The First Realization

A/N: Alright second chapter up! I hope you guys like it and please review! Thanks much.

**Chapter 2: The first realization**

Next morning found me waking to bright, terrible sunlight. It felt like a laser beam burning a hole through my head and I groan in response, turning over to try and get back to sleep. A rustling next to the bed jolts me awake and I look up to see a bag descend over my head. Before I can even attempt to move, the bag is down and a draw string tightens around my neck. "Please stop struggling princess. This will go along more smoothly if you don't resist." A man's voice says cheerfully above me and I freeze mid struggle. It was the same voice from my dream! The one that had noticed I was awake.

My pulse leaps into hyper drive and I open my mouth to scream. "Tsk tsk. No use in resisting Princess." The voice says again and I feel a prick in my neck before everything goes black.

For the second time that day I am awaken by a bright light, except this time it is an artificial beam and I feel like I was hit by a diesel truck. Pain explodes in my head and I groan loudly not wanting to wake up.

"She's awake, good she wasn't out for very long." A voice says excitedly to my left and my eyes burst open as the previous events roll over my brain. I was kidnapped! In my own dorm room no less!

I was in a white, sterile-looking room, sitting on one of those long doctor's office beds. The pain in my head and body slowly ebb away as I look around taking in my new surroundings. "Good evening Princess. How do you feel?" The voice says again and my head whips to the left to see a man in a black cloak. He was tall and gangly and had a long, pale face with a twisted smile. His eyes were narrow but bright with excitement and my stomach tightens in fear at such a look.

"Where am I?" I ask loudly, feeling better at hearing my own voice and also noticing that I wasn't tied down. I jump to my feet and face him looking ready to fight. I'd never been kidnapped before but I wasn't going to let them do what they wanted without a fight.

"Settle down Princess. You are in a very safe and comfortable place now. I'd like to show you to your new room and then give you a tour of your new life and companions. I do hope your accommodations are to your liking Princess." He says with a smile.

"My new room? New life? What is going on? Where am I?" I say hastily not quite grasping the situation. I'd never seen a kidnapping like this in the movies. "And why do you keep calling me Princess?" I exclaim near tears. I'm so confused!

"Come with me on the tour and I'll explain everything to you." He says cheerfully as he turns and pushes a grey button on the wall behind him opening a door I hadn't seen a moment ago.

I didn't want to go with him but what choice did I have? I couldn't just stay there and hope I was dreaming. Besides, if this was a dream then I was really safe and didn't have to worry anyways! "Ok." I say after a moment thought and follow him slowly out the door to enter a long, brightly lit hallway.

"This is the main corridor that provides rooming for you and your companions." The man starts saying as he slowly walks down the hall. I follow behind looking around at the stone grey walls and large, round lights that were embedded in the ceiling. He stops at the first doorway and pushes a button. The door slides open and inside is a quaint room with a bed, desk and lamp. There was also a neatly folded stack of clothes on the end of the bed.

"This will be your room. Your other companion's rooms are further down this hall. This is where you'll sleep every night and spend whatever alone time you wish to have." I look around and enter the room slowly. It was fairly plain with nothing on the walls and no windows but it was of medium size and not cramped.

The clothes that were provided were a pair of comfortable, grey pajama pants and a matching grey tank top. "The temperature is always set at 80 degrees Fahrenheit, lights out at 10:00 pm every night, and you can visit the cafeteria room any time to get food. Other then that, you are free to explore and do what you like." The man says and I slowly smile. This was sounding better and better! No obnoxious boyfriend or school. No work or worries about money and bills.

"There is one issue I'd like to discuss with you before I show you the cafeteria room and leave you be." He says and I instantly go on the defense. Of course there is a catch! I think bitterly.

He shuts the door and motions me to sit down on the bed. I comply and watch him nervously. "Your fellow companions are special. Just like you. They are different from normal people and so they have spent their entire lives in this facility and know of no other life. I would like to keep it that way and so I'm requesting that you do not, under any circumstance, lead on to where you come from. Follow this rule and you will have a very pleasant and comfortable stay here." He says with another smile.

"How am I different then?" I say more out of curiosity then fear. I know it's strange but I was already feeling at home in this place. It was nice.

"We believe you are the key to unlocking Heaven." He says with a serious face. That was all he said and I left it at that for now. If he wanted to think I was some special Princess from Heaven who was I to contradict him? Especially when I could stay here!

I smile shyly and he grins before turning and opening the door again. "Let me show you the cafeteria room." He states and I follow him down the hall. We pass four more doors before turning right into a large room. It really did look like a cafeteria! There was a long tray line that had a huge variety of foods, some I'd never seen before.

In the center was one round table with five chairs. Four were already occupied by three men and…a cat? I blink and try not to gawk too openly. The man had said we were all special so I should have expected anything.

"Ah good the entire group is here to meet you!" He says excitedly and leads me over to the group who had all stopped what they were doing to look at me. The man introduces me to everyone slowly starting with an average sized boy with white hair and strange purple eyes. "Dilandau this is Hitomi. She is new and will be living with you all now." I give a small wave at Dilandau and he blinks slowly at me and says, "okay" without moving.

My smile falters but the man doesn't notice Dilandau's lack of reaction as he moves on to another man who was taller with white cropped hair and narrow eyes. "Folken this is Hitomi." The man says and I get the same reaction. Slow blink and short response. Next was the cat girl and the process was the same. By the last person I had given up with a friendly wave and just stood there. This boy looked about my age and had unruly black hair and the oddest color eyes I'd ever seen. Again the same response was given before the man turns towards me with a wide smile and beckons me to grab some food and make myself comfortable.

He says good bye to everyone and exits the room leaving me alone with the quiet bunch. I watch him go before turning back to my new companions. They had gone back to eating and as I walked to the food line, I heard the conversation start up again. They were talking about the new grey clothes that were issued and how it was a thrilling change.

Grey wasn't that big of a deal, so I tune them out and instead focus my attention on the vast array of food available. So many options and such a little plate! My stomach growls in agreement and I choose some broccoli with cheese and some roast that was covered in brown gravy.

Turning back I head to the table and sit in the one vacant seat in between Van and Dilandau. I eat slowly listening to them go on about the color grey. Did they really think it was that exciting? Of course, the man had said they have never left this place. They have no idea what is out in the real world. The man's warning goes through my mind and I decide to just listen instead of say something.

Soon, Dilandau and Folken get up to leave, saying good bye to everyone in turn including myself. I say good bye back and they leave without another word. That was weird. I think as Merle gets up and does the same farewell. They seem almost blah and boring. No real emotions or thoughts. I frown and stare down at my food, wondering why this mattered so much to me. Who cares if they are not as lively as my friends back home. Yes, friends…wait who were they again? It's always been just me, Van, Merle, Folken and Dilandau. Yes…

I smile as I get my thoughts in order. I don't know how I could've forgotten them so easily! What a dork I was.

My plate was empty so I got up and put it at the end of the food line with the other dirty dishes. Van follows me and we both walk back down the hall. His room was right next to mine and he wanted to show me something.

"Look Hitomi. These are red! I couldn't believe it when the man brought me these clothes before the grey ones were issued. He said I could choose between red and grey if I wanted." I gasp and look at the bright red shirt. "Wow it's very pretty and bright!" I exclaim before a small prick of realization is felt in the back of my mind.

I don't know why this realization was coming. I had never seen red before. Again that prick is felt and I try to ignore it as Van goes on about this new color. He was very excited!

The prick stabs at me harder and I tell Van that I wanted to go to sleep early. He says okay without a second thought and I head to my room to take off all my clothes and get into my bed like I did every night.

The morning found me with the largest head ache I'd ever felt. It was like a jackhammer was slowly drilling a hole in side of my head and it was pounding out information that I'd forgotten. I was from the outside. I had woken up with a start late in the night and was horrified that I'd forgotten this information so quickly.

I wasn't sure what had happened for me to completely forget my entire previous life but whatever it was, it didn't work anymore. I spent the rest of the night thinking of everything from the world outside so I wouldn't forget again. I know I should have been wary about this forgetfulness but I still could not complain about this new life. It was nice and easy.

The grey clothes fit perfectly around my body and I get up and head down the hall to the cafeteria. The lights in the hall were all on again but the cafeteria was empty. They must all be sleeping still. I think without much care as I load up my plate with yummy breakfast items.

After eating for quite awhile I started worrying that I had imagined the people and that I really was alone. It was impossible to tell what time it was but I didn't sleep in too late in the mornings so it could not have been past 9 am. Yet, there was no life anywhere.

Discarding my plate, I head down the hall past my room and turn down another corridor I hadn't noticed before. This was where I was yesterday when I woke up. My mind recognizes the door and there were small one-way mirrors on the wall. I stand on tip-toe and peak through curious.

Van was sitting on the white bench I had been on yesterday. He was shirtless and the man was there with him. My mind registers all this as being fine until I see the man start inserting needle after needle into Van in various places. It just kept going! My eyes widen as Van just sits there letting this man do what he wanted.

The man says something and Van's back tenses before a pair of large, white and feathery wings sprout from his shoulder blades seemingly out of thin air. I grip the window sill tighter as my eyes seem locked on those feathery objects. Flashes of my nightmare come to my mind. Feathers floating everywhere and that sad, anguished voice yelling in the background. Tears come to my eyes as the man starts prodding and pulling on those beautiful wings. Something that beautiful and pure shouldn't be pricked with needles or man handled that way.

I wait another second to see if Van does something to stop this nonsense but he just sits there and takes it. I couldn't watch any longer and I quietly back away from the window and head back to my room, tears flowing down my face.

What is going on here? I knew that the man had said all these people were special but I didn't realize they were treating them like…like monsters! Like Creatures who don't feel or think.

I didn't like this at all but what could I do? I had promised not to speak of the outside world…but…the man didn't say anything about me not saying anything personal to them. Maybe I could talk some sense into Van. Maybe he's just accepted this fate because he doesn't have a choice?

My mind was made up. I would wait for Van to be done and nonchalantly talk to him about this experiment. He doesn't look stupid. He must know that what they are doing is wrong, not to mention illegal. The government strictly forbids human testing because of all the law suits that occurred.

I sit on my bed in thought and try to patiently wait for Van to come out. I needed to be as discreet as possible so as to not alert the man.

Unfortunately, this was easier said then done.

A/N: So that was Chapter 2! What do you guys think? Next chapter will have some interesting developments but I hope this story is still interesting. No Van POV this time but next chapter he will have some good roles. Let me know what you all think please! And thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far!!


	3. New Feelings

A/N: chapter 3 yay! Enjoy :] and review!

**Chapter 3: New Feelings**

I hear footsteps in the hall and I bolt up and out the door running right into a shirtless Van. His hands automatically come up to catch me and for a few seconds I'm pressed against him. He seems confused and a little disoriented as I slowly step back and look up at him. His eyes are clouded over with a glossy shine.. Is he drugged? Maybe that's why he doesn't struggle. The man drugs him and makes him compliant.

"Van, can I talk to you in my room for a second?" I say nervously and his hands drop to his sides as he nods. I lead him into my room and close the door after checking the hallway to make sure it was clear. We sit on my bed in silence for a few minutes as my brain works on the best route to take.

Van just sits there quietly not looking at anything. He seemed almost asleep and oblivious to his surroundings. My thinking gets distracted as I take in his physical state. Small pinpricks littered his arms and back and I briefly flash to a time last semester when I caught Millerna and Yukari shooting up Heroin. After that night, I understood why they both had started wearing long sleeve shirts like it was the new fashion. And I also understood why they seemed to grow closer to each other while I was left on the side.

I jolt myself back to reality and find Van staring at me. His eyes seemed slightly clearer and he seemed to be thinking very deeply about something. "What is it you wanted to talk about Hitomi?" He says politely, like we were business partners.

My hands fidget in my lap and I decide to be as direct as I could. "Why do you let the man experiment on you Van?" I say softly and look at him willing myself not to cry. Why the heck was I so emotional over this? I barely knew Van yet I was acting like we had been life long friends.

"We don't talk about that Hitomi. The man says so." Like that was the final answer. He gets up to leave but I frantically grab his hand and pull him back. This wasn't over. All this was wrong and I couldn't sit by and let it happen! What if the other people were in this same position? That man couldn't get away with treating people this way. Even if they were different!

Van doesn't come back to sit but he doesn't snatch his hand away from mine either. He just stands there staring at the door motionless. "Van, what they do to you is wrong! Doesn't it hurt you? Don't you feel mistreated?" I say earnestly, gripping his hand tighter. "Don't you ever wonder why they do what they do to you?"

He just stands there without a word so I stand up and walk around to face him. He had the same blank look on his face but his eyes weren't clouded anymore. They lock onto mine and I search the blood red depths for any kind of recognition to what I was saying. "We don't talk about it Hitomi." He says flatly and I felt like I was going to burst into tears right there. My hand drops and he walks past me and out the door without another word.

That didn't go like I was hoping. I sigh loudly and drop to my knees on the cold, tile floor. He's obviously been here a long time to have these notions ingrained so deeply. Maybe I should just leave them all alone. They don't seem unhappy and if I told them what was going on then they would be terrified I'm sure…maybe they are better off not knowing.

I sigh again. I didn't know them at all but I liked them and I liked Van. My fist clench and I have the sudden urge to track Van down again and make him listen. I've already tried to talk to him though. He didn't listen at all.

Climbing into bed, I suddenly feel suffocated. There was no light, no breeze, and no outdoor smells. It was small and white with only artificial lighting. The most horrible thing about this place was that I'd only been awake a couple hours on my first day here and I'm already bored.

What do the other people do for entertainment? Deciding that finding out this information would relieve my boredom temporarily along with distracting me from making a decision about trying to break the spell this man has over everyone.

Exiting my room, I head down the hall and past four closed doors. They definitely didn't like company in their rooms. I think blandly as I turn the corner and see the cafeteria empty. What could they all be doing? Unless they were in one their rooms together talking about me and what a great joke they are playing on me.

My paranoia obviously gets out of hand quickly. I sit at the table and bury my face in my arms wishing I was home. I would even break up with Allen if I could just get back home. I bolt to my room and fling myself onto the barely large enough bed and cry my eyes out into my pillow.

I laid like that for a long time before falling asleep and waking again to blackness. Did I really sleep that long? I slept the whole day and no body seemed to wonder where I was. A wave of anger rolls over me. I'm glad I didn't tell them the truth. Let them live in their own stupid bubbles forever. Let them get experimented on and get treated like animals. I don't care!

I roll over again and go back to sleep with nightmares of haunting blood red eyes and needles.

The sudden existence of light in the morning woke me up with a start. That was the worse night of sleeping I'd ever had and my guilt over my vengeful thoughts plagued me. "Lights on everybody!" Said the cheerful voice of the man over the small intercom nestled in the far corner of my room.

After laying in bed for another 30 minutes I hear a soft knocking at my door. I blink and stare at the door for a second before another knock sounds. Shaking out of my dazed state, I hastily get up and open the door.

"Van! Uh, what are you doing here?" I say trying to hide my sudden bursting of happiness. "The man said that your appointment is next after mine and to go see him down the hall." Van says flatly before continuing down the hall to his room without waiting for my answer.

Pop goes my short-lived bubble of happiness. But what is this appointment he's talking about? Maybe they are letting me go! I rush down the hall and enter the room quickly. The door closes behind me and disappears into the wall. I don't even see the button to open it where it's supposed to be.

The man is standing next to the bed with that same creepy smile on his face. "Hello Princess. Your first exam is today. How have you been?" I step back as fear replaces my happiness. "My exam? What exam are you talking about?" I say trying to keep my voice from shaking. I wasn't usually a weakling like this but I'd seen what they did to Van and I didn't want that done to me.

"It's your turn for an exam." He says cheerfully and pats the bench. "Come on up here and sit down." My body tenses and whip around frantically searching for the door button. I hear him walk closer to me and I start pounding my fists on the wall. "Help! Somebody please hear me!" I yell before a cold hand closes around my neck, cutting off my air flow. The man whips me around and slams me into the wall.

His face is still smiling but his eyes are narrowed and they glinted evilly. "Now you be a good girl Princess and sit down on the bench. I promise you won't feel a thing." He hand tightens and I choke. My hands frantically try to pry off his hand but his grip is like cold iron. He steps closer and I could almost feel his body against mine. "If you are not a good girl, then that makes you a bad girl, and you know what bad girls do?" He says as he steps closer and his body presses hard against mine.

He leans into my ear and whispers, "Bad girls…get fucked, hard." I clench my eyes shut and shake my head. This couldn't be happening to me. This couldn't be happening to me! His grip loosens and he steps back almost reluctantly. I cough violently and suck in air. My lungs burn as much needed oxygen fills them and I stagger over to the bench and sit obediently.

"Good now just sit still. This won't hurt a bit." He says completely cheerful and dandy. Next thing I remember I'm walking back to my room and fall face first on my bed. I didn't feel anything. My mind even felt numb. I could not even remember a prick or smell or anything. What did he do to me?

A depressed wail bursts from my chest and I start up a new round of bawling my eyes out. I'd never cried this much in my life. It must've built up all these years. I think vaguely as I feel a stab of anger at Allen.

Focus Hitomi! Get yourself out of this drugged state of mind and then form a plan of escape! My mind screams and I feel the fog lift from my mind and the weight is slowly lifted from my body. My limbs tingle and feeling slowly comes back to each part. I groan loudly and cry louder at my situation.

After eating, I head back to my room to sit. The man said it is good to have alone time to oneself. He said this so it is good. It is good for he had said this. My mind thinks repeatedly as I enter my room and sit on the edge of the bed.

It took my mind a long time to realize there was an unusual noise emitting from Hitomi's room and even longer to realize it was a distressed noise. I'd never heard such a sad noise before and decided to take her to the man so he can make her feel better. He made everyone feel better. And this was fine.

Before seeking out the man, I decide to verify that what I was hearing was indeed a sad noise and so I feel a new sensation enter my body when I knock on her door and am met with dead silence. I blink and feel my mouth pull down uncharacteristically. What was my mouth doing? What was my body feeling right now? I had no idea.

I knock again and the door opens allowing me to enter. I step inside and see Hitomi standing in the middle of the room. Her eyes were an odd color and her face looked puffed up and wet. "Are you hurt? I can get the man to make you happy again. He makes everyone happy." I say but that weird feeling in my body shifts to something more intense. My mouth pulls down farther and I start to worry about my state of being.

Hitomi has the oddest look on her wet, puffy face and I wonder if there was something wrong with me physically as well. "Why do you look so angry?" She says and her voice cracks with…with what? "What is wrong with you?" I say flatly trying to ignore all the odd feelings in my body. I would talk to the man later about me. For now I needed to focus on Hitomi. Wait, why did I need to focus on her? Since when have I paid attention to any of my companions?

I look back at her and realize she was a lot closer then before. Her eyes were the brightest color I'd ever seen and they looked up at me now as water leaked from their corners. "I think your eyes are broken. They are leaking." I say faintly trying to control the feelings that were building inside. I felt so odd. Like I was going to burst.

She blinks at me for a second before her face breaks out in the widest smile I had ever seen and a noise emits from her mouth that was loud and bubbly and happy. She bends over and her body shakes so violently I thought she was having a seizure. The man warned us about possible seizures and ways to deal with them if one was occurring. He said to just keep the person company by saying nice things to them, or if you are alone, to just lie on the ground and wait for it to pass.

I rub Hitomi's arm saying softly that it will be okay and to just ride it out. Everything will be fine. She stops abruptly and looks at me confused. "I was just laughing. Sorry, I couldn't help it. After what you said, and the day I've been having…it just kind of burst out of me." She said with a small smile. I liked that smile. I think and that building feeling turns warm and I feel my mouth curl upwards.

She looks shocked and my warmness instantly vanishes. "What is wrong?" I say again and she just looks at me for a second before turning and sitting on her bed. She's silent for a long time and I watch her with a billion questions running through my mind. I was so confused.

I watch her lean back on her elbows and she breathes in deeply before letting it out in a sigh. She seemed to be forcing herself to relax and I decide to mimic her method to relax my own self. Breathing in deeply, I push all the weird and new feelings that were occurring into the breath as I let it all out slowly. My chest feels lighter and I could still feel the warm feeling I had felt earlier in the back of my mind.

"Van…" She starts and the warmth grows bigger. What if I was burning up from the inside out? I had never seen what the man calls fire, but he said it could burn things and it was extremely hot. "Hitomi I think you should get the man. I think I have a fire inside of me." I say seriously.

She stares at me for a long second and I see a flash of a smile before it is gone and her face looks serious. Good. She must realize the severity of the situation finally.

"Van, why do you think you have a fire inside of you?" My mouth curves down as I realize she isn't going to get help. "It is impossible for that to happen. But I'm guessing you feel….hot inside?" She says slowly and I nod starting to feel confused again.

She pats the bed next to her and I slowly walk over and sit down next to her but keep some space between us in case she's wrong. I didn't want her to catch the fire too. "Let's have a long talk, okay?" She says with a smile and I look at her, nodding slowly. "Okay." I say.

A/N: Okay! So it is a little shorter then usual but I thought that was a good place to stop for now. What do you guys think? Am I moving too fast with Van? Don't be afraid to give me suggestions and thanks for the reviews!!


	4. You can't feel for me

A/N: yay chapter 4. Thanks for the reviews and suggestions! There will be lemons and some good sex talk buuuuuut it Might not be in this chapter. They Will happen though because that's why we love Van so much. He's a sexy beast!! Hehe oh and I'm sorry if there are spelling or grammatical errors. I usually don't reread chapters once they are written just because I'm anxious to get it posted. However, if you all would rather me correct errors first let me know. I don't want it to be impossible to read for everyone.

**Chapter 4: You can't feel for me**

It was really hard for me to think that Van was being serious but who could question his face? He honestly thought he would burst into flames and that just made the situation sad. I look at him carefully and try to think what would cause him to feel so hot all of a sudden. It obviously never happened to him before and my low self esteem didn't want to think it was me who was affecting him so dramatically…but what else could it be?

"What do you think of when you look at me? And think about it hard before answering. Remember that it isn't bad to think and feel things Van. It is good!" I say with an encouraging smile. He frowns and looks down at his hands in thought. He must be really confused. I can't imagine how he's lived like this for so long.

He clenches and unclenches his hands and his frown deepens. "I…don't know. I'm…feeling…things, lots of things." He says slowly and it looked like this pained him to admit.

"It's not bad to feel and think things." I repeat and he looks at me confused. "The man says it is bad. It makes you bad and unhappy." Van says still frowning. I sigh and try a different approach. I needed him to get out of this thinking that being human was bad for him. Sure it could have its down sides but everything did at some point. That was part of living!

"Here, take my hand." I say as I hold out my hand palm up. I watch satisfied as he doesn't hesitate with complying. His hand is cool as he sets it on top of mine and I watch his face carefully as his face relaxes a bit and a small smile starts to form. He looked really cute with that smile.

"Does that feel good?" He looks at me and nods before his gaze returns to our touching hands as I bring them up palm to palm and gently lace our fingers together. "How about this?" Again he nods and his eyes close looking more relaxed. "It makes the warm feeling inside me burn hotter." He says almost shyly and a blush rises over my face. Did I really have that much of an affect on him? Of course, he's never felt this before so it could just be that I'm the first girl he's ever felt things towards. I angrily squash my growing paranoia and decide to just live with the moment.

"It makes me feel warm too." I say and he looks at me with a mixed expression. He was definitely confused now, but he seemed more comfortable knowing that I was sharing his feelings.

"Do you have any questions?" I ask liking that he didn't take his hand away from mine. I know it was pretty elementary to get excited over hand holding but with Van, everything felt new and special. I bet he's a virgin. I think out of the blue and I feel my face heat up. Oh my god Hitomi don't think like that! I didn't realize how dirty I was but…my thoughts shift my attention back to Van who was staring off into space. My eyes wonder over his tall, lean body and back up to his face and into his wide staring eyes…wait.

I shake myself violently. I can't believe I was caught checking him out so openly! I open my mouth to apologize but he cuts me off, "Hitomi. What do you think of when you look at me?" He says quite innocently and it just inflames my face even more. It was probably the shade of a fire truck by now. What a question to ask me after what just happened. Well come on Hitomi think of something!

"Um…uh…" I stutter trying to find something to say. Wait a minute, why not just tell him the truth? I would want him to tell me the truth when he is able to decipher is own feelings, so why not just be truthful? Besides, nothing will come from this. I'm going to escape and return home, back to my normal life.

I frown briefly as these thoughts don't invoke the happiness I was expecting but shrug it off. It was better this way anyways. "Well Van, I think you are a very sweet, nice, handsome…" Extremely sexy…I add silently taking in his tussled black hair and burning red eyes…

"What does…handsome mean?" He asks looking straight at me with those burning eyes. I'd never seen so much emotion displayed out in the open before. His hand tightens around mine and I feel myself gulp for air. He was really breath taking. "It means umm…I like how you look. You are very attractive." I say and he blinks at this. God I wish I knew what he was thinking!

He seemed to be debating over something and I try to wait patiently. Patience never came easy for me.

Confusion everywhere. My mind was a hurricane of confusion and I didn't like it. Hitomi says these feelings and thoughts are good but this didn't feel good. It felt hard to understand and to live with all the time.

"Hitomi, I don't know if I like this feeling and thoughts." I say honestly as my frustration grows. I didn't like not knowing what all these new sensations were. It was so much easier before all this.

I look up at her and see her frowning. "When your mouth curves down, does it mean you are sad?" I ask curiously. She sighs softly and looks at me with a confused expression. "It can mean a lot of things Van, but yes, right now I am frowning because I am sad. I'm sad that you have grown up knowing nothing about your own feelings and I am sad that…that I might end up the same way." Her voice cracks and I watch as her eyes start leaking again.

"Why are your eyes leaking again? What does that mean?" I say not knowing what to do. She was sad. I had made her sad somehow. She didn't like that I didn't know anything about my feelings and I was starting to feel the same way. The feelings certainly brought interesting things to me, like hand holding. I think as I look down at our still clasped hands. Her hand was warm and soft and I watch as my thumb starts to rub the top of her hand slowly. It felt like the right thing to do and when I look up at her again, water was sliding down her cheeks but she looked happier.

"Van, I like you. Do you know what that means?" She asks and I feel the warmth spread over me like a blanket. "I think so." I mumble trying to figure out what my body was telling me. "You don't sound happy about it." She states almost sadly and I stand up abruptly letting go of her hand. "I am happy about it." I say with frustration. "But you can't feel that way Hitomi. The man said so. I can't feel that way and neither can you. It is bad." I turn around and almost run back to my room. This was all wrong. I couldn't feel like this. The man said it was bad and that bad things would happen to me.

Right when I reach my bed, the lights turn off signaling dark time and I'm amazed that I had been with Hitomi for that long. She was so nice to me, and treated me so kindly but…she couldn't feel for me. No one could. No one could feel for me because they would get hurt. That is what the man said. But even as I thought this, I felt pain in my chest, in my heart. For the first time that I could remember I was angry. I felt angry for running away from Hitomi and angry at the man for saying no one could feel for me.

Burying my face in the pillow, I try to sleep and forget what had happened, but my mind was a mess of turmoil. In just the time I had talked to her, I had learned and felt so many things. So many nice things…

I look at the hand that she had held for so long. It was still warm and tingled from her touch and I clenched it in frustration. My body was flooding with emotions and sensations and I wanted to know what they all were and what they all meant. I wanted to know. I needed to know these things right now! But it was dark time. I would have to wait until the lighting time came again.

But I didn't want to wait. I wanted to go back to Hitomi's room right now and hold her hand again. I wanted her to smile and say she liked me again. She probably…she probably hated me now. After I had left her like that. Maybe…she didn't like me anymore. I shake my head furiously and lean back against the wall that separated my room from hers.

I felt like I was going to explode with all the emotions surfacing so fast. It was overwhelming to feel so much in a short amount of time. The man's words flash through my mind along with her face and smile. "You can't feel Van. You are a creature. You are different. If you let someone feel for you, they will die. They will get hurt and die Van." The man says over and over again. He has said that forever. He has said that my entire life.

My eyes clench shut as I try to rid my mind of his words. "No, I don't want to hear it anymore!" I say out loud startling me out of my thoughts. I look around wondering if anyone heard me which, in itself was ridiculous since no one shared my room.

But, just as I was leaning back again I hear a small tap on the wall behind me. I look back and hear it again. One short tap. And then another and another. I press my ear against the plaster and hesitantly tap in response. I listen hard but don't hear anything for over a minute before another tap sounds to the right by the head of my bed. I crawl over and tap again. A responding tap is heard down by the floor in the corner of my room and I push the bed out of the way to get down on the ground by the corner.

There is a small vent and I peer through it to see bright green eyes peering back at me. "Hitomi!" I exclaim trying to keep my voice down. She smiles and I watch her carefully take off the vent pane and set it aside. I follow her after some examination of how it fitted against the wall and soon it was discarded as well.

"Hitomi, I'm sorry." I murmur and she smiles again and reaches her hand through the gap. I instantly lie on the ground and extend my hand and grasp hers firmly within mine. It was still warm and soft and I tighten my grip. We laid like that in silence for a long time, just looking at each other and holding on until sleep over came us and we drifted off to unconsciousness, our hands still firmly clasped together.

The lights turning on and the cheerful good morning wake up call sounded, startling me awake. I hadn't slept that well in…forever. I had dreams and they were wonderful. I smile and look through the gap to see Hitomi still sleeping soundly, her hand still in mine.

A knock at the door had me instantly standing and smoothing out my rumpled clothes. "Van, it is time for your appointment." The man says and I respond with an okay. I crouch back down and see Hitomi looking at me with a sad expression. "What is wrong Hitomi?" I say not wanting her to be sad.

"Van, don't go to the appointment. They will make you forget your feelings again!" She says urgently but I shake me head. I had to go. The man said so. "I have to go. I'll be back soon and then we can talk again, okay?" I say with a small smile but she still looks sad and sighs softly. "I'll be back soon." I say again and stand up not wanting to keep the man waiting any longer.

I couldn't wait to talk to Hitomi again. I had so many questions for her and I think I liked her too! I'll wait to surprise her afterwards though. She will be happy then. My thoughts are happy as I enter the appointment room and discard my shirt.

"How have you been Van? Feeling okay?" He says happily and I nod as I sit on the bench. "Very good now just sit still and this won't take long." I sit as the familiar blackness engulfs me and I feel nothing.

I pace my room impatiently waiting for Van to come out. I knew that he would be drugged but I couldn't give up on him. Not after last night. I had gotten through to him on some level and I couldn't abandon him now. Once I got through to him again we could start making escape plans.

He and I would escape together and maybe we could stay together afterwards. That'd be nice…to be with him in a normal life doing normal things people do at our age. We could go to clubs and dance together and party and just hang out. It all sounded exciting if it was with Van.

I'm shaken out of my fantasies as I hear his door open and close. I rush over to the gap in the corner and peer through hoping to see him. Nothing. I couldn't even hear him moving. "Van. Are you there?" I whisper and wait silently. No response. "Van?" I say louder and silence met my voice.

Getting up I try to remain calm as I exit my room and softly knock on his door. No response. I open the door and walk in, closing it behind me. He was laying on his bed with his back to me and didn't even budge as I walked over and hesitantly touched his bare shoulder.

"Van?" My voice shakes a little in fear and I gently shake him hoping to get some kind of reaction.

Panic courses through my body and I hastily pull him over to see his front. His eyes were closed but he was breathing normally. Everything looked normal except….the blood that was slowly seeping down the right side of his face. Fear grips me and I move his hair to see a small puncture in the side of his head, like something had been inserted. Something larger then a needle.

"Van!" I almost scream in my panic and shake him vigorously until a soft groan emits from him. "Oh my god Van please look at me. Say something please!" I cry staring at him, willing him to respond. Slowly, his eyes open and they look at me in confusion.

"H-hitomi…what is wrong?" He mutters and rolls onto his other side to face me. I seek out his hand and clasp it tightly in my own. "Hitomi…I almost…forgot about you…the man…he…" He groans again and suddenly goes limp, the pain being too much for him. I stare at his face for a long time before something dawns in my mind.

The man knows what I am doing.

A/N: woot chapter 4 up!! I'm on a role. Hehe. I love fluff so much and I especially love Van. Mrawr sexy man. Thanks for the comments and yes there Will be lemons! Emphasis on the plural Lemons. Hehe. And I know this is Rated M and it doesn't seem like it should be but just wait. It's gonna get bad soon so just a warning now. I love romance but I don't like easy romance so be prepared for anguish, possible rape and a whole shit load of swearing. Haha. Also I am trying to rewrite the sex scene for my other story adrenaline rush so if any of you read that then let me know if you wan the sex scene cuz I will have it done soon hopefully :]


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