Criminal Minds 1. Chapter 1

A/N: Here I am with a new fic. I found this chapter on my hard drive that is filled with unfinished stories and I thought this would be interesting to post.

I started this story with the intention to explore a different kind of relationship between Hotch and JJ. It's a love-hate relationship, with a side of darkness and lust. In this story Hotch will be very different than he is in the show because I wanted to write a completely different side to him.

This story will contain flashbacks, and rating will change to M for future chapters. Some of you might recognize some original characters of mine that I used in other stories.

I hope you all are going to like this!

I don't own criminal minds!

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><p>"<em>And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn't have to anymore."<em>_  
><em>_―__Anne Lamott_

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><p><strong><em>Chapter One<em>**

Life was cruel. The darkness that came with her job only reaffirmed that simple fact. Life had been heartless when it had claimed another victim. Another human being torn from a world that seemed incapable of beauty. One person had become another statistic, someone she had to fight for, to get the justice the victim deserved. Sometimes, every now and then, people called her a crusader for justice. Being a hardworking detective for NYPD had earned her that name since she transferred to homicide. Her career had been on the fast-track since she graduated from the police academy. She often found herself buried in her work. Most of her friends believed it was an attempt for her to avoid having a personal life. And JJ knew that was true. A personal life seemed to be a complete waste of time.

As she gazed down at the broken and bludgeoned body, her view on life was justified once again. It was very rare to come across a victim that deserved to have their life ripped away. She believed that no one had the right to take a life, good or evil, it didn't matter. And that was the reason behind her dedication to the job, justice. To bring a small amount of closure to the lives left behind. But it was rare for loved ones to truly move on after a life had been taken from them.

''Detective Jareau.''

She spun around to respond to the rich and low voice of her partner, Griffen West. She faced him with an exhausted expression. ''Who is our victim?'' she asked sadly, looking down at the body of the man who lay in a pool of his own blood. This particular murder was more gruesome than they usually came across. His life was taken violently and he had died in vain.

Griffen carefully stepped around the body as JJ kneeled down beside it. He watched as JJ closely observed the man, and then he continued to summarize the most important details about their victim. ''Nicholas Jenkins, 37. He was a senior partner at the law firm, Hotchner & Associates.'' he explained shortly.

_Hotchner & Associates. _The name was like a punch to JJ's face and she numbly rose to her feet and faced away from her colleagues. Hoping to hide her state of shock, JJ turned back around. She was holding herself together with great difficulty in that moment. Running across that name was something she never imagined. It took her a great deal of pain and heartache to push the name out of her mind. She kept up pretenses for her colleagues, and turned her attention back to her partner. ''Hotchner & Associates is one of the top law firms in this country.'' she said anxiously. ''They have firms in Los-Angeles, Chicago, DC, London and one office right here in New-York.''

A silence fell at the crime scene after she had provided the detectives and officers with the information regarding Hotchner & Associates. To break the silence, she kneeled down to the ground again and looked at their victim. ''From the looks of it he was killed by a single gunshot wound to the chest.'' she observed, and then proceeded to look at the rest of the scene. Glasses were broken, books had fallen from the shelves, and drawers were left open. The entire apartment had been tossed. ''Who found him?''

''His assistant came to check in on him when he didn't show up for work this morning. She found him dead in the kitchen and called 911.'' Griffen replied.

As JJ and Griffen walked around the scene and checked certain details, the ME was checking the body. 'Rigor mortis places time of death between five and seven this morning.'' Tracy announced as she was looking closely at the body. ''I'll get him back to the morgue and call you when I find anything else.'' she said to JJ.

JJ turned away from her colleagues and turned to the two other detectives she worked closely with. They were Benjamin Morris and Adam Briggs, also partners. And then there was Tracy Clark, the medical examiner who also happened to be one of JJ's best friends. And at last there was their Captain. Captain Wesley Evans. JJ was close with all of them and they were almost like a real family.

''The doorman said that Jenkins' car service dropped him off around eleven earlier this night.'' Morris explained as he looked down at his notepad.

JJ watched as Briggs joined them as well. ''What did his assistant say?'' JJ asked him.

''I just talked with Jenkins' assistant and she knows of nothing that would explain his murder.'' Briggs answered. ''She did express that Jenkins had been acting odd in the past couple of weeks, and that there's a possibility that his behavior could've been due to a case he was working on.''

''Does he have any next of kin?'' JJ asked.

''He has a sister.'' Griffen responded. ''She lives in Pennsylvania.'' he went on quickly. ''I'll give her a call when we get back to the station.''

Informing loved ones of the deceased was the hardest part of her job. It was never easy, and it never would be. They were part of the worst days of someone's life. That could never get easy, and for JJ that would never change. Delivering someone the worst news in their life was always devastating, and it took strength not to be affected by it. She had been on the other side once and it had made her question everything. It was the very reason she became a cop.

''We can check his financials and phone records at the precinct.'' she began. ''West and I will go to his office and question his colleagues.'' she began and then she turned to Briggs and Morris. ''You two should canvas the neighbors and track down any friends or family that can give us insight into Jenkins' behavior right before his death.''

JJ had turned around to leave the scene when she heard her name being called out behind her, so she turned back around with a friendly face, knowing it was her best friend. ''Did you find something else, Trace?'' she wondered as she stood across from the medical examiner.

''Are you alright?'' she questioned with a concerned face. ''You seemed tense a few minutes ago.''

She stiffened in surprise. She hadn't expected anyone to notice, let alone Tracy since she seemed too busy with the body. ''Just tired.'' she lied. In reality she was dealing, coping even after realizing where her victim worked. Her involvement with Hotchner & Associates lay in her past, and that's where she wanted to keep it. ''The Sanderson trial ended yesterday evening and I haven't really had any time for a break.'' she explained when a flash of questions came her way on Tracy's face.

''Okay,'' Tracy mumbled. ''So it'll be drinks and take-out at your place tonight!'' she said happily.

''Sounds great.'' JJ agreed. ''I have to go, but I'll see you tonight then!''

She moved out of the apartment and met her partner in the hallway. They waited for the elevator in silence and got inside when the doors opened. JJ comfortably stood with her back against the back wall of the elevator. ''We should ask if we could obtain all of Jenkins' files. There might a connection to his murder in his cases.'' she suggested.

Griffen turned to JJ with a wondering gaze. ''Didn't you work at a law firm once?''

Her body tensed up instantly at his words, and she forced herself to keep her focus on the case, instead of her own personal demons. ''Uhhm yes,'' she responded. ''I did an internship at Hotchner & Associates. But that was a long time ago. I was nineteen.''

''You might be able to use the contacts you established during the internship.'' Griffen suggested kindly, not realizing that JJ grimaced as he finished his sentence.

The elevator doors opened and she rushed from the elevator with Griffen by her side. They made their way to the car and JJ took the initiative to drive, like she always did. She started the car and drove off to a destination she'd rather avoided, but this time she simply had no choice in the matter.

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><p>They had reached the law firm in complete silence. It only took JJ's badge to get past security and on their way to the fortieth floor of the building where Nicholas Jenkins' office was supposed to be located. The elevator was cramped when the doors opened at the lobby and the mass of people exited the elevator in a hurry as Griffen and JJ stepped aside.<p>

They got inside the elevator and she had a smile on her face when Griffen looked up at her in annoyance. ''Why do you look like you're about to die?'' she asked.

''I just hate lawyers!'' he exclaimed as he threw his hands up in the air. ''They make our jobs impossible.''

''Do I need to remind you that I wanted to go to law school.''

''Yeah, but you didn't.'' he replied. ''You became a cop, which fits you so much better.''

''I can do all the talking if you need me to.'' she joked, forgetting her own nerves for just a moment. She gripped the inside of her jacket pocket tightly when the elevator doors opened and they stepped off. They walked to the left and JJ realized that barely anything on that floor had changed. It had been six years and it seemed like yesterday. The emotions she had buried were threatening to rush to the surface when she looked across the floor. It was one wave of memories and heartbreak that hit her straight in the face and she didn't know if she could deal with it. So she stayed silent as Griffen introduced himself to the receptionist and explained the nature of their visit.

She had even begun to move away from him. She had turned her back and began to slowly step forward, both hands in her pockets. She froze when a certain office flooded her with memories.

_She was pressed up against the wall, a strong muscular man holding her in place while he was kissing her with demand and dominance. His hands had ripped of the top that covered the soft skin of her torso and it had only taken a matter of seconds for him to run his hands all over her body with the same desire and lust he always had. __Her mouth tasted of coffee as he plunged his tongue into her mouth, the grinding of her hips causing him to spiral out of control. Her breasts were pressed up against his masculine chest. He wanted to lose the last barriers between them, his hands sliding down to her skirt._

''JJ?''

And then came that voice. A shudder went through her being when she recognized the person to whom that particular voice belonged, and she wanted to run. She wanted to leave New-York and never return. She wanted so much. She desired to whirl around and yell at him, punch him in the face. She wanted to know what the hell he was doing, when it was so clear she never wanted to see him again.

She finally turned around as Griffen stepped next to her, indifferently facing the man who was responsible for the void in her heart. Aaron Hotchner. He hadn't changed a bit since she last saw him. He had matured in a way that made him more handsome. His muscular body was covered by an expensive suit that spoke of his success as a lawyer, his broad shoulders standing out. His face was as arrogant and authoritative as she remembered. He simply hadn't changed at all, which only made her happy that she cut him out of her life all those years ago. But that didn't stop her heart from beating just that little bit faster from just being near him, and it made her feel like a complete fool. The kind of fool she had been to get involved with a man like him in the first place.

Aaron Hotchner returned the unsmiling gaze of the younger woman across from him. He knew he'd never receive a smile from her again, and for that he felt angered. But as his eyes slid down her body, he felt a surge of appreciation. The dark blue skinny jeans showed off her amazingly toned legs, and the heels added to the length of her legs. She had changed a lot. She looked different, and it was in very positive way. Her hair had grown with bangs to frame her face beautifully. He could feel himself get lost in memories thinking about her slender and toned body caught underneath his own. It were the good times, and he had never forgotten about her.

''Aaron,'' she spoke coldly.

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><p><strong>Still interested? If so, let me know so I can continue this story.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here's another chapter. I hope you all like it.

Special thanks to jenny crum, aaronhotchnerlove, chen88212, 1029, bklyngirl, Monbronte and guest!

I don't own criminal minds!

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><p><em><strong>Chapter Two<strong>_

She kept herself strong and together as she returned the harsh look on his face. She felt as if though time hadn't passed. He still had that same look without any emotions. It made her angry, because that was exactly what he had looked like when he had broken her heart.

But this visit wasn't personal, it was just professional. Beforehand she had expected him to be in Los-Angeles since he had been running the firm in California. But unfortunately for JJ, he was now standing before her.

Hotch had taken their moment of silence to look at her more closely this time. She really had changed. Her once doe blue eyes, now looked more fierce. Her clothing was different. Her entire stamina had changed. She was no longer the young girl he had met at the law firm six years earlier. She had matured into a beautiful woman, and he couldn't deny that the attraction was still there. Even in the years he hadn't seen her, he craved her. His longing sometimes tortured him, but now she was standing across from him, more gorgeous than ever and he couldn't help but feel relief, although he didn't show it on his face.

''You look…''

She stepped forward after taking her badge and she held it up. ''NYPD, detective Jareau.'' she interrupted before he had been able to finish his sentence. She knew exactly what he wanted to do. He'd probably flirt a little and smile, but she wouldn't fall for his games. Not this time. ''This is my partner detective West.''

Griffen had sensed the unbearable tension between JJ and the older man, so he decided to follow JJ's lead. ''Nicholas Jenkins was found dead in his apartment this morning.'' he announced sadly. ''And we would like to ask you some questions.''

''Wait!'' Hotch said in surprise. ''Nicholas Jenkins was murdered?''

''His assistant explained to us that his behavior was strange in the weeks leading up to his murder.'' JJ explained as she folded her arms across her chest. ''Did you notice anything, Mr. Hotchner?''

Hotch smirked when she mentioned his last name. ''I have to discuss this matter with the other partners before I can respond.'' he scoffed, turning around to walk away from the two detectives.

She groaned in anger, walking forward and cutting him off by stepping right in front of him. She didn't back down when he nearly bumped into her. She wasn't about to show him her one weakness. ''Nicholas Jenkins was your colleague!'' she stated angrily. ''He was brutally murdered so save me your speech about conferring with your colleagues.'' she said. ''If you refuse to answer questions, I'll drag you down to the station in handcuffs.''

He closed the small gap between them and took a strong hold on her wrist when she was about to take out her handcuffs. ''You don't want to cause a scene here, Jennifer.'' he spoke out with satisfaction.

''Let go!'' she ordered, but his warm touch was still on her wrist as the anger began to rise within her. ''While I may appear calm and collected, I am capable of doing harm to you.'' she mumbled without emotion.

He released her wrist and then proceeded to lean forward, his lips close to her ear. ''This look suits you.''

She ignored his comment and took one step back so she could actually breathe again. She could feel Griffen's presence right behind so she decided to let it go, and no longer respond to him when his comments were personal. ''Is there somewhere we could talk in private?''

''My office is right around the corner.'' he suggested.

JJ walked right behind him with Griffen at her side, feeling the nerves coursing through her body. She felt like a wreck because she had to face Hotch again after so many years. It wasn't anything like she ever imagined it to be. It was far more painful.

But she forced herself to stay focused on her job and not show any emotions. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of having any control over. So when they stepped inside the office she watched as he closed the door behind them and offered them a seat across from his desk. Griffen and Hotch both sat down but JJ kept standing.

''How well did you know our victim?'' Griffen asked as he turned his attention on Hotch, even though he could sense that JJ was struggling with something.

''Nicholas and I have worked together for several months since I came back from Los-Angeles.'' Hotch answered. ''But we weren't close.''

''No surprise there.'' JJ whispered to herself. ''Do you have any idea who would want to harm him?''

''No, I've got no clue.'' he replied. ''His associate, Jenna Sanders, worked closely with him on cases. She might be able to shed some light on his death.''

Griffen rose from the seat and turned to JJ. ''I'll talk to Jenna Sanders.''

Before she could protest, he had already disappeared and JJ was left alone in the large corner office with the man she despised. Just looking at him made her heart break all over again.

''NYPD will contact you if we have any further questions.'' she announced and then she took off by rushing out of the office. But as she started walking away, she could hear his footsteps right behind her. She turned a corner and came across a conference room. She stepped inside knowing he would follow her. Even if it was just to torment her, or remind her of their past relationship.

And yes, he did as she suspected. He walked inside right behind her and threw the door shut with a loud thud.

''Could you please stop walking away from me?'' he asked, but his voice wasn't friendly it was demanding like it always had been.

JJ had her back turned towards him as she stared out the window, taking in the incredible view of New-York. It was amazing how much her life had changed since she had last been in those offices. And she knew in some ways it was for the better. She had learned from her mistakes, and now she had a job she actually loved. But being in a room alone with Hotch wasn't something she wanted to do ever again.

''You've changed.''

She turned around, numbly facing him again. ''I was nineteen when we met. I am twenty-five now.'' she said coldly. ''What did you expect?''

''I didn't expect this.'' he said as he began to smile widely. ''You simply look incredible.''

She closed the distance between them again. ''Spare me your comments!'' she said angrily.

''Hmm, you still have that same little fire in you, don't you?''

She took one step back with the knowledge that he was trying to play her. ''Where's your better half?'' she said dryly as she looked down at the ring on his finger. Of course it was still going to be there. They were a so called power couple and JJ couldn't care less about their marriage.

''I was wondering when you'd mention her.'' he bit out. ''Your sister is in Los-Angeles at the moment to meet with a client, but she'll be back tomorrow morning.'' he went on. ''I realize the subject of you and Amy might be a little painful.''

A little painful? JJ shouted in her head. He had no idea what real pain felt like. It was fairly obvious that he only cared about himself and still managed to get unscathed out of every relationship. But for JJ that hadn't been the case when she was with him. She came out broken and betrayed. ''I have forgotten all about it.'' she lied easily. ''I have to go, Aaron.''

He blocked her path by stepping right in front of her. ''Did you forget all of it?'' he asked, breathing in the scent of lavender shampoo.

''It was a long time ago.'' she reminded him. ''I'm here to solve a murder case. I would like to keep the past where it belongs.''

''We could get to know each other.'' he suggested, his eyebrows furrowing when she began to laugh as he ended his sentence. ''We could start over.''

JJ looked up at him in complete disbelief. ''Not interested.'' she said. ''Could you do me one favor though?''

He stared back at her intently, wondering what she could possibly want from him. ''What do you need?''

''Just send all of Jenkins' cases over to the NYPD.'' she stated simply as a smile crossed her face. She knew he probably wanted it to be something personal, but that wasn't bound to happen. She wanted no involvement with him whatsoever. ''It shouldn't be a problem for you.'' she mocked. She walked to the door and didn't say anything. She left him behind without a word, feeling overwhelmed by the sadness that had suddenly overcome her. From memory she wandered the offices for a few minutes and then slipped into the restroom, locking the door behind her for privacy. She motioned towards the sink and hovered over it as she started to stare at her own reflection in the mirror.

As she gazed into the mirror, she realized that a part of her was still the young and impressionable woman she was six years earlier. Hotch had been a painful part of her history, which she fought hard to put behind her. But now she was wondering if maybe she should've dealt with it sooner, because now she felt defenseless in his presence.

_She had been sitting in the empty office for over ten minutes as the nerves were overtaking her. Her legs were crossed and her hands clenched together, her eyes roaming the office of the man she was about to meet._

_She never expected herself to be doing an internship at a well-known firm like Hotchner & Associates, yet there she was. Her sister had insisted for her to take a spot at the New-York office while she was working in Los-Angeles herself. Coming from a family of lawyers, JJ knew her family would be exceptionally proud if she did the internship. But she was still so young and she had just finished her second year of college. It would be another two years before she'd actually attend law school. _

_She was suddenly startled when a man walked inside the office. She sat straight up and made sure that her clothing looked impeccable. _

_Hotch hurried into his office, seeing a slim blonde sitting in one of his chairs. So he walked around her and stepped behind his desk. His meeting had ended later than expected and his clients were beginning to stack up since he made senior partner just a few months earlier. But all the worry disappeared when he looked at the visitor. For a moment he just stared. She had big blue eyes which were filled with mystery and innocence. Her features were delicate and her smile brought a wave of happiness over him. From Amy he had heard that she was only nineteen years old, yet she looked mature and wise for her age. _

_JJ, just like Hotch, had been so caught up with just staring at him that a silence had fallen. She immediately noticed that he carried himself incredibly. He had an arrogance and ruthlessness over him which probably made him an amazing lawyer. But to JJ it was intimidating and fascinating at once. He was the example of perfection. His raven black hair was perfect and his brown eyes bored to into hers, sending a chill down her spine. _

And even though she had been taken with him at first sight, she never expected her heart to be broken in the way it had been. If she had only been wiser and more careful it would never have happened. And most days she still blamed herself for being week and falling into a trap.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Here's another chapter. I hope you all are excited about this story. It's a very different way for me to explore a relationship between JJ and Hotch, but I am excited about it.

From this chapter onwards,** the rating will be M**. I feel that I am not the best at M-rated scenes but I am trying my best. So let me know what you think.

Special thanks to 1029, BAUMember, chen88212, bklyngirl and Christiangirl!

I don't own criminal minds!

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><p><em><strong>Chapter Three<strong>_

After an emotional moment, JJ had pulled herself together and had made her way back through the large building to find Griffen, hoping he had some new information regarding their case. She hoped that he hadn't noticed her distracted behavior which was unlikely. If anyone from her colleagues knew her it was Griffen. They had become close since she started working for homicide, and a real friendship turned into something more. Something JJ never expected to have again in her life.

The idea of leaving the office was what forced her to move quickly until she found Griffen. And it wasn't long before she did. She could hear his gentle and soothing voice originating from an office. She decided to approach and she silently walked inside just as Griffen was ending his conversation with Jenna Sanders. They both stepped out of the office and JJ moved beside him.

''Was Jenna able to give you any information about Jenkins?'' she asked as they began to make their way to the elevators.

''Just like his assistant, she confirmed that he was behaving erratic in the days leading up to the murder.'' he responded to inform JJ about new details that could prove to be vital to their case. ''She suspected that he was in a relationship, but keeping it a secret.''

''Maybe someone at work.'' JJ suggested. ''Did she say anything about his cases?''

When they had reached the elevator, Griffen leaned against the wall as they waited and looked at JJ intently, noticing that a sadness had overtaken her expression. It was unlike anything he had ever seen before, so it caused him to worry about her. ''She expressed that there was nothing out of the ordinary about any of his cases, and if there was she would've known.'' he explained quickly.

The doors to the elevator opened and they both entered. JJ took the moment to check her phone, wondering if the other detectives had found anything yet. ''We should focus on his phone records if we want to find the woman he was dating.'' she rambled on, not even noticing that Griffen kept staring at her. ''I'll go visit Tracy at the morgue to see if she found anything.''

''JJ!'' Griffen said, his voice low and gentle. ''JJ?'' he called out again.

She finally looked away from her phone and put it back in her pocket. Her eyes snapped up to meet his and he could feel them burning into her soul. ''What?'' she uttered.

''How did it go with Mr. Hotchner?''

She felt throat tighten at the mention of the name, her heart feeling heavy again. She couldn't, no wouldn't, share that part of her life with him. She couldn't stand to look like a fool. ''He didn't have anything for us, but he'll send over the cases.''

''Was that all?'' Griffen asked as he lifted his eyebrow suspiciously. ''He seemed to know you really well.''

At that point JJ felt her insides crumble. Did he know her? She didn't know. She had often wondered if he had really taken an interest in who she was, or if their relationship was just about sex. To her it seemed like he had never really been interested in her, but more in her body, and that fact still was a punch to her face. She was young and naïve, and she had the unfortune of not being able to rewind time and remove him from her life completely.

''Our paths crossed a few times when I did the internship here.'' she breathed out. ''I worked one case with him.'' she said, her mind snapping back to the one moment that was only the beginning of the complicated relationship that was to follow.

_The night had claimed the light, and as JJ looked out into the city where lights were bright, she wondered how she ever ended up there. The view from the office was incredible and it had distracted her from finishing her work. So she quickly returned to the desk and neatly stacked up the cases on the desk, her mind wandering to the man who sat behind that desk. The older dark and tall man had consumed her every thought since meeting him. He was handsome and every woman wanted him, just like she did. But she knew he'd never take an interest in her. She was far too young and not even out of college yet. She'd just have to keep dreaming about him and hoping that one day, in the far future, she would forget ever knowing him._

_She lifted her hand and undid the neat bun, letting her hair fall around her shoulders. She used her fingers to untangle some of the strands as she leaned on the edge of desk to give herself a moment to just be with her thoughts. But she was startled when the glass door to the office suddenly fell shut. She jumped up from the desk and faced the unexpected visitor. Her face flushed with redness and she felt incredibly embarrassed. She turned fully to the man in question. ''I am so sorry, Mr. Hotchner.''_

_For a brief moment he smirked as her face reddened in his presence. He knew she would be in the office and he couldn't help himself. He had to show up and see her. He knew the office would be unoccupied, which gave him the perfect opportunity to get what he wanted so desperately since first having met the blonde stunner. ''It is alright, Jennifer.''_

''_I thought you were supposed to be at dinner with the partners and associates.'' she breathed out as he began to slowly circle the office. Her eyes were glued to his intently and the nerves were coursing throughout her entire being. _

''_I was.'' he said shortly, hearing the faintest shake in her voice when he took another step closer to her. He had caught the longing looks, and they weren't unreturned. He had imagined her in his bed, but realized he needed to take the time. And after three weeks of dancing around his desires he could no longer exercise his control. ''But I'd rather be here.'' he whispered, his breathing heavy and apparent as he stepped behind JJ. He stretched one of his arms and put it on her waist, his touch light but demanding at once. He used his one hand to pull her flush against his body, the arousal and excitement already stirring within him. ''With you!''_

_JJ had felt powerless, defenseless, against his touch. He paralyzed her with his voice. She could feel his touch in every nerve ending of her body. She had never felt that kind of intense attraction before. ''Sir...'' she whispered, not believing that he was actually touching her. That her back wasn't in contact with him. It felt like a dream, yet it wasn't._

_He pushed all of her hair to one side to expose the smooth skin of her neck. As his lips descended upon her neck, his hands began a torturously slow path from her hips to her stomach, eventually settling on her breasts while his kisses began to intensify. ''It sounds so sexy when you say that.'' he admitted wickedly as he heard JJ moan at the slightest touch._

_She was losing herself completely. Her mind was screaming to make it stop because he was her boss in some context, but her heart was winning the battle with her body. She wanted him. And he apparently wanted her just as much, so she was just going to let it happen. ''Maybe we should wait.'' she murmured, his hands massaging her breasts. _

''_Why?'' he groaned, moving one hand back to her hip and forcing her back further against his front. He momentarily heard a gasp leaving her throat when she came in intimate contact with his arousal. ''I want you and you want me, don't you?''_

_She was at a complete loss for words. ''Hmmm…'' she hummed as her defenses began to crumble around her. This man wanted her and she never dared to believe it. In her wildest dreams she didn't think this would actually happen, so she wasn't about to deny him anything. She felt him suddenly release her from his strong grip. But when she was spun around, she felt the breath leave her body. _

_He had his hands on her waist, beginning to pull her dark blue blouse from her skirt. While removing the clothing from her body, he led her back to his desk and pushed her onto the edge of it, his chest pushing against her as she was sitting on the edge of the desk. After throwing her bra to the floor, his lips finally descended upon hers while his hands explored the texture and responses of her body. The kiss was hot and filled with lust and desire. In the way she kissed him back, he realized she wanted this as much as him. _

_Her hands were all over the place when their lips were sealed together. She could feel the strong muscular chest beneath her fingertips as they trailed down his body. She was literally moaning and gasping for air from the excitement that coursed through her body. His hands on her breasts, on her back, her sides. It was all sensational, but he hadn't gotten to where she wanted him the most. So she spread her legs further apart and put them around him, pulling him against her core with her legs. Her hands settled on the bulge in his pants and then she made quick work of his belt and zipper. She shoved the pants, along with his boxers, down his legs in desperation. She finally knew she was ready. She had wanted this moment to happen for so long and now she wanted it more than ever. _

_Hotch groaned into her mouth as he began to grind his lower body against her core. ''Not yet…'' he smirked. He wanted to exercise his control over her to show her who was in charge in that moment. His lips began to make a trail down her body, settling on her breasts with a lustful pleasure. His touches turned a little rougher with every moan that escaped her lips hungrily. As he kissed her feverishly, he slipped one hand down her stomach and between her legs. Her wetness coated his fingers as he began an exploration of her body, setting a steady and fast rhythm as he got to know her body. He could feel her arch against him with arousal and the ultimate pleasure. He could see it in her eyes as well. The innocence he had seen on the first day, had been replaced by fire. He loved it. Maybe in a way he was corrupting her and taking advantage of her youth, but in that moment he couldn't care about anything else other than the blonde that was hotly pressed against him. His lips moved back to hers and he silenced her moans with a demanding kiss as he began to pull the skirt higher up her waist. Now the only barrier that was left was the scrape of panties. With a powerful tug he ripped it from her body. ''Pill?'' he asked when he began to push the tip of his hard shaft against her core. _

_JJ could barely hear his words as she focused on him completely. She was feeling sensations she had never known before. He was introducing her to a completely new world she had never felt before. ''Yes…'' she breathed. And in that moment she thanked herself for being on the pill more than anything. _

_He began to surge forward, slowly moving inside of her inch by inch to savor the feel of filling her, engulfing her completely. He had his lips on hers when he trust further inside her and filled her completely. He could feel her gripping his biceps tightly, her nails digging into his skin almost painfully. With her pleasurable gasps seemed to be coming a cry of pain. So he kissed her lips gently and pulled away from her face. ''Are you…?'' he questioned._

''_Not anymore.'' she whispered with a big smirk on her face. It was painful at first, but now she just wanted him to start moving. ''I want you. Please!'' she begged._

_Realizing he was her first felt primal. He could feel all his controls slip away. His lips crashed onto hers as he pushed her legs further apart, his chest pushing her backwards onto the desk when he leaned over her. He pulled back, and then thrust back into her as appreciative moans continued to escape her lips. His body was moving constantly, setting a hard and pleasurable rhythm for them both as JJ met him each time._

_She had never felt such intense pleasure before in her life. And when he started to kiss her breasts it became her undoing. She could feel her muscles tighten, and then she convulsed around him, crying out his name in his ear._

_She was tight and warm around him as he continued to thrust hard and uncontrollably into her willing body. When she hit that peak of pleasure he came along with her, the feeling of her muscles around him sending him over the edge._

_JJ could feel the sweat on her body, but she had never felt so satisfied before. Her head was leaning against his chest as she listened to his heartbeat while he used his hands on the edge of the desk to hover over her._

''_Would you like to come back to my apartment?'' _

It was that night that he had showed her so many more pleasures. It was a night filled with lust and passion that had JJ sore and exhausted by morning. But the morning after, she didn't regret it.

Their relationship had continued on after that night. She had expected him to become bored with her, but he seemed to have an ongoing appetite for her. And they spend each day in his bed as they explored that same pleasure as their first time together. And then weeks turned into months, until the abrupt end of the relationship.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to Westie80, jenny crum, chen88212 and 1029!

I don't own criminal minds!

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 4<strong>_

The memory had thrown her back into that dark place as she was riding down in the elevator with her partner, and boyfriend in private. The memories still seemed to be fresh and sometimes she swore she could still feel the sensation of his touch, even though she carried so much hate for the man who had been her first. He was almost all of her firsts. He was the first man she ever loved as well, and once in the past she believed that they had the ability to keep their relationship going beyond a summer affair.

''JJ!'' Griffen called as he stood in the lobby, waiting for her to step out of the elevator. But she seemed unable to tear herself away from her daydreams.

So he stepped back into the elevator and gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her with him. He gently took her to a silent corner in the immense building and he stepped right across from her, staring into her saddened eyes. He had no idea what was going through her head, but it seemed to be something that occupied her mind unlike anything before. He had never experienced her that distracted. ''JJ, talk to me!''

JJ looked up as she fought to keep the tears away. She couldn't break down in front of him. She was known as a person of strength and control, so she forced herself to keep that image up. Even for Griffen. ''Not here, Griffen.'' she said gently. ''We can't let our relationship affect our jobs.''

He cupped her cheek, ignoring her wishes completely. ''I know you want to keep our relationship private, JJ.'' he started. ''But we're alone here and I'm worried about you. So please talk to me.''

''It's nothing important, Griffen.'' she assured but deep down she knew it was something. That the heaviness in her heart really was a problem, but she just didn't want to rehash the past any more than she had to. ''This place just reminds me of my family and their expectations and how I never lived up to them by becoming a cop.''

''They don't realize how amazing you are, but I do.'' he whispered as he slowly pulled her into his embrace and he felt her body relax in his arms. ''You were the youngest woman in years to make detective, JJ. Be proud and don't let your past drag you down.''

JJ thanked god for having him in her life. When they first met there had been that instant attraction which turned into an amazing friendship. And five months earlier he had asked her out on an official date and they took the next step. Since then JJ had been happy, but her feelings were also overwhelming her. The last time she had felt that way she got burned for it and she had guarded her heart to prevent it from happening again. ''I just wish they'd see it.''

He pulled away from her and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. ''Let's go catch the bad buy. It'll remind you why you're doing this job.''

She followed him out the building with a small smile on her face with the hopes to never have to go back there again. She hoped her past would just stay buried so she could keep on living her life. There was nothing else she wanted more. So closing the case was going to be vital for keeping her past away for good.

By the time they got back to the station it was getting late. Briggs and Morris had arrived at the station an hour prior to JJ and Griffen. They were all staring at the board, realizing they barely had anything to go on.

''His cases will arrive in the morning.'' JJ encouraged to keep the mood light in police station. The cases could point them to their killer, but she had a gut feeling that the secret relationship was something else to go on. ''Did the neighbors mention seeing him with a woman?''

''No,'' Morris responded.

''Everyone barely knew him. He kept to himself but was barely at home.'' Briggs added. ''Nothing in the canvas stood out to us. Did you find anything?''

Griffen stepped closer to JJ and leaned down on the edge of the desk behind him, folding his arms across his chest. ''His associate suggested that he was in a secretive relationship.'' he answered. ''We'll have to wait for the phone records and financial records to support this theory since his phone wasn't found at the crime scene.''

''I'm going to see Tracy soon, so you guys should dig further into his life. Griffen is going to talk with his sister when she arrives.'' JJ summed up quickly. She was in charge of this investigation and she wanted everything to go perfect if it could. She gave them all a quick nod and then began to walk away to visit the morgue. She hoped Tracy had found something they could use to point in the direction of the suspect. At the moment they had no suspects. His assistant had an alibi and the alibi's of colleagues were in the process of being checked. They had hit the dead end that she so dreaded in every case.

Luckily, the hospital was only a few blocks away and she arrived within ten minutes of leaving the station. She quickly parked the car and made her way through the building all the way down to the basement. Dealing with the dead bodies was something she had gotten used to in her time with NYPD, but it still affected her. It was never easy and it never would be.

She pushed open the doors to find Tracy performing an autopsy on another body. She immediately looked away and covered her eyes at the sight of her friend holding a heart in her hands. ''Trace, can you cover that up please?'' JJ asked.

Tracy covered the body with the white blanket and took of her gloves, throwing them into a trash can. ''If you can't stand the sight of dead bodies you should stop coming down here.'' she smiled happily at her friend. ''You here about Nicholas Jenkins?''

''Yeah,'' she mumbled. ''Anything that stands out?''

''What stands out to me is the sad look on your face.'' she observed once again. ''But gossip and drama is for tonight.'' she added before JJ had a moment to object to her words. So she stepped towards the body and lifted the blanket so his chest and face were visible. ''The gunshot to the chest shredded his aorta and killed him within seconds.'' Tracy started off. ''At the crime scene his clothes looked torn. When I started the autopsy I found these.'' she said as she pointed at the stab wounds that covered his entire body. ''He wasn't covered in blood because these were delivered post-mortem.''

By the looks of the scattered crime scene and his torn clothes, JJ had realized that the crime was violent, but she hadn't known about the stab wounds earlier. It only added to the violence and aggression the killer presented. ''How many stab wounds did you find?''

''I counted seventeen in total.'' she replied. ''I also found some trace evidence on the body and it's being processed by forensics.''

''Sounds good.'' JJ said stated with ease. ''I'll see you tonight.''

''Get ready for a good time, JJ!'' Tracy called out when JJ was on her way out, knowing the blonde never took a break from her life to relax and have fun. They mostly saw each other at work and sometimes outside of work when they weren't buried in cases, but they were best friends. They had met when JJ was a rookie cop and their friendship was almost instant. Tracy knew JJ very well, but she still knew nothing about certain aspects of her life. JJ was an extremely private person, and she often wondered what she was hiding from the people in her life.

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><p>JJ had gone back to the station to update their captain on the case. So far they had no real proof of any suspects and even this early in the investigation, JJ had come to feel completely useless. This was one of those cases with no real leads, which meant it could easily go on for months, years even. She had watched as cases went cold and she hated those cases more than anything, but she still tried her very best. She had quickly given him all the important details of the case. And once she came out of his office, she noticed Griffen talking to a woman with tears in her eyes. She immediately realized it had to be Nicholas Jenkins' sister. So she walked out of her captain's office and across the station to join Griffen in the empty lounge. She silently walked through the door, her heart breaking for the woman who was sitting across from Griffen. She gave him a quick nod and then turned her attention to the woman.<p>

''Hello, I'm detective Jareau.'' she introduced as she shook the shaking hand of the victim's sister.

''Hi, Carrie Vargas.'' she greeted as she looked up at JJ.

JJ sat down next to Griffen. ''I'm very sorry for your loss, Ms. Vargas.'' she began with great difficulty. Talking with family was the hardest part of her job. Yet everyone claimed that she was best at it. That she somehow had a gift to talk to family and friends of the victims. ''There are some question we'll need ask you to gain some insight into your brother.''

Carrie looked up in tears, her eyes red and her hands clenched together. ''I'll do anything to help.'' she mumbled.

When a silence fell, Griffen realized that JJ had no intention of taking over his interview. So he leaned forward, his face filled with compassion for Carrie Vargas. ''Were you and Nicholas close?''

''We used to be very close.'' Carrie began. ''But when Nicholas moved to New-York to work at a bigtime law firm he began to change. He called less and barely visited anymore. His job changed him. The money, the power.''

''When did you last spoke to him?'' Griffen asked as he made notes of his questions and the answers that were given.

''About two weeks ago.'' she replied. ''He seemed very erratic and maybe even scared for his life.''

JJ's interest immediately began to peek. Everyone in the life of their victim suggested the same thing, except one person. Aaron Hotchner. He was the only person in their investigation who didn't respond to that question and that made JJ suspicious. ''Do you know of anyone in his life who would want to hurt him?''

''No,''

''Were you aware that Nicholas was in a secret relationship?'' Griffen added.

Carrie rose from the couch when the grief became too much. She turned away from the detectives and cried into her hands. She took a minute to herself and then turned back around to face Griffen and JJ. ''I didn't know that Nicholas was in a relationship. If he was, he never told me.'' she cried out, the tears streaming down her face as she stumbled through her words. ''I should've been here. I should've talked to him more often. I should've known about his life.''

JJ immediately jumped up from the couch and approached Carrie and stepped in front of her. ''Carrie, this isn't your fault.'' she whispered. ''You're not to blame for his death. The only person to blame is the monster who killed your brother.'' she went on. ''And I promise you that I will do anything I can to catch the person who did this. Trust me.'' she promised. JJ watched as the woman across from her retreated back to the couch and took a seat. JJ couldn't even imagine what it was like for her to have lost a brother. She had lost family, and even though JJ herself was no longer speaking to her family, they weren't dead. She always had the chance to see them. Her family hadn't been taken from her because of murder. For JJ it was because of betrayal and expectations.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Here's another chapter! I hope everyone is enjoying this story.

Special thanks to jenny crum, chen88212, Jareau37 and waiyeex90!

I don't own criminal minds!

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 5<strong>_

JJ had left the office a little earlier on Griffen's insistence and after a few minutes she decided to not go against him. She went home, took a shower and had cleaned her apartment. After she was finally finished she was left with her thoughts, sitting on the couch as she waited for Tracy to come over to have a girl's night, which was long overdue.

But the waiting had forced her back into the past and before she even realized it, she was overtaken by memories from the past. Some good, others bad. But in that moment there was one in particular that stood out to her.

_She lay on her back in the king-size bed. Her chest was heaving as she turned onto her side so she could face the man next to her. It had been five blissful weeks and JJ had realized she was happier than ever. The pieces of her life seemed to be falling into place. But in about two months she'd be going back to college and she didn't know where their relationship would stand. She didn't want to make any assumptions about it, but they had spent every waking moment together. _

''_How are you feeling?'' Hotch asked as he looked to his side, a grin spreading across his face. He couldn't deny that his time with JJ was satisfactory. Even more than that, it was everything he wanted in his life at that time. _

''_Good. Really good. You?'' she whispered._

_He turned fully towards her, making a quick move so he was hovering above her. He held himself up by his elbows as he leaned down to kiss her deeply, his one hand traveling down her body. For a second he pulled his lips away from hers. ''I think we can do better than before, don't you?'' he whispered lustfully. _

_JJ's body arched up against his when she felt his finger slide into her without warning. He had a control over her body she never knew existed. His touch was exhilarating and made her quake. ''Hmm,'' she agreed. ''We were supposed to go out for lunch.'' she reminded him._

_He silenced her with a deep kiss as he spread her legs apart. He hovered over her and plunged into her heat in one fluid thrust, causing JJ to writhe underneath him. He stopped and leaned down to her ear. ''I like you so much better this way.'' he said in a controlling tone. ''You in my bed. With me.''_

_For JJ that had been it. She had let him take charge and like so many times before, he showed her pleasure in many different ways._

When a knock on the door sounded, JJ was completely startled. She jumped up from the couch and realized that it was too early for Tracy to be knocking on her door. So she walked towards the door with uncertainty. She swung open the door slowly and was surprised to see Griffen standing on the other side with an expression of defeat on his face.

''Griffen, what is it?'' she croaked out.

''Can I come in?'' he asked sweetly as he held onto a file. He passed JJ when she nodded and he walked into the familiar living room. He sat down on the couch close to JJ. He took the file and handed it to JJ, knowing the news might devastate her. ''We found this in the phone records.''

JJ's eyes flew across the paper and when she saw the name Amy Jareau appear too often she realized why Griffen had come to her. ''My sister.'' she stumbled.

''Briggs and Morris are getting a search warrant from a judge for the Hotchner residence and the offices.'' he added. ''Why didn't you tell me that Aaron Hotchner was your brother in law?''

JJ felt herself cringe. The case had now officially become personal for her. She never wanted her connection to Hotch be known, or even to her sister for that matter. So she turned to Griffen, sighing deeply to prepare herself to tell him a part of her complicated past. ''I want nothing to do with these people, Griffen.'' she began. ''The Hotchners, just like my family, are rich and powerful lawyers. And when I made the choice to go down a different path, my family and I became estranged. I haven't seen my sister in six years.'' she said, although there was another reason that she had become estranged from her family. It was something worse, but she wasn't willing to talk about it. ''I didn't say anything because I was trying to avoid this.''

He didn't know what to think. Whether JJ kept it from him because of privacy or her job, it still hurt him personally. ''We're in a relationship, JJ. You're supposed to tell me these things.''

''I know. And I'm sorry.'' she apologized. ''I just didn't want anything to affect the investigation.''

He was about to say something when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He quickly looked at the screen and breathed out sadly. ''The warrant has been signed, JJ. I have to go.''

JJ took his wrist. ''This is my investigation, Griffen. I'm coming with you.'' she said strongly and she wasn't about to take no for answer. This was her life, and if her sister had really been having an affair with Nicholas Jenkins, then she'd arrest her herself. Her job was more important to her than anything.

''JJ…'' he said to try and object, but he stopped when he realized he had to give her the space she seemed to need.

''Give me five minutes to change.''

After JJ had changed into a different set of clothes, she had stepped into the car with Griffen, letting him drive. All at once she felt a rush of anger and nerves hit her. She never expected to be confronted with a part of her family like this again, but it was about to happen. She had already been forced down memory lane concerning her relationship with Hotch, and he had been in the back of her head. She couldn't shake the unresolved feelings, but she didn't want to be stuck in the past. So like she always did, she hid her problems underneath the surface with the hopes to keep them buried. But she feared that after six years her past was finally read to crawl to the surface and catch up with her.

As she kept staring out the window, her badge was clenched in her hands. It was a reminder of what she had accomplished all on her own. Something that solely belonged to her and she was proud of it. She had become her own person. But who she had become was because of everything that had happened. She knew that just like her sister she would've probably been fresh out of law school and an associate at a successful law firm if she wasn't a detective. Her life would be different. But the path she had taken wasn't one of regret. It never would be. Instead it was one of purpose. And even though it sounded good to have purpose there was still a shadow following her. She just didn't know if the shadow belonged to her family or her former lover, Aaron Hotchner.

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><p>Hotch was standing in the kitchen of his luxurious and spacious apartment, overlooking Central Park. He heard the door open, and slowly walked across the apartment and into hallway with the coffee in his hand. The door opened and his magnificently dressed wife stepped inside with a suitcase by her side, her face filled with exhaustion and grief.<p>

''Well hello, darling!'' Hotch mused as he took a sip of his coffee, ignoring the sadness his wife was expressing. ''I thought you'd be arriving in the morning.'' he mocked as he watched her take off her trench coat.

Amy walked across the hallway after discarding her coat. She closed the distance between them fast and angrily, her face filled with torment. ''I had to hear from Jenna that Nicholas was murdered!'' she yelled angrily. ''You didn't have the decency to inform me of his death.''

''Darling, there's no need to be dramatic.'' Hotch said calmly, following her into the living room. Their relationship was never based on love. It was always about mutual goals and certain ideals. Their marriage brought them power and money. That was all. They long ago stopped loving one another. ''You know now.''

Amy turned around with tears streaming down her face as she faced her cold husband, wondering how she ended up in that very moment. ''I loved him!'' she whispered. ''He was the reason I was filing for divorce from you.''

''He was only a temporary distraction.'' he interjected. ''Your list of relationships during our marriage has never failed to amaze me, Amy. But divorce, really?'' he dared. ''You were the one who insisted to this marriage years ago because it would benefit us both and it has!''

She stayed silent as he sat down on the couch before her, acting as if absolutely nothing had happened. For him, maybe nothing. But her world had come crashing down after that phone call. Yes, she insisted on their marriage just like both of their families, but she had come to deeply regret it. Her husband's charms were only a façade. Beneath his impeccable suits was someone she had never known, someone he never showed. And she no longer wanted to make an effort to fight for a marriage that had been doomed from the start. ''I'm leaving you, Aaron.'' she stated strongly.

He rose from the couch, the impeccable way he was dressed would've intimidated anyone, but not Amy. She had known him for far too long to be impressed by him. Yet he still rose to his feet and stepped close to her, invading her personal space. He took a hold of her arm, warning her. ''You're not going anywhere.'' he demanded. ''You and I both know what happens if you keep making moves against this family.'' he went on. ''I made sacrifices for you. You are expected to do the same for me.'' he stated as he let her go. ''Your actions are a constant threat to our reputation, so stop!''

''What about you?'' Amy asked in rage as Hotch whirled around to face her once again. ''We both know who the real threat to our family is!'' she yelled.

''Don't you dare turn this around on me, Amy.'' he intervened. ''This is no longer about me.''

''This has always been about you and your misguided feelings, Aaron!'' she shot back. ''What about Jennifer?'' she asked as the tears began to fade because the anger was winning the battle over her grief. ''The only real threat to our family are your feelings for her!''

''Your sister?'' he scoffed in response. ''That was six years ago and you're still holding it over my head till this very day. You really are threatened by her.'' he observed.

Amy dropped down to the chair behind her, her heart beating in her chest at a fast pace. ''I have always had reasons to.'' she breathed out. ''Since the moment you met her things changed between us.''

Hotch was about to respond when the doorbell rang, so he turned his back to his wife and made his way towards the door. When he swung it open, he was faced with JJ and it was like a memory from his past. Her expression, that look of otherness, was still on her face. He didn't know how to put it, or how to describe it. But even six years later and she was still as extraordinary. He had never forgotten her, not for a single moment. In ways JJ had changed his outlook on life and he had felt stuck ever since he met her. She had reminded him of things he always wanted, but he had made the choice to live up to his family's expectations, and that involved his marriage with Amy. He forced himself to breathe when he seemed to have forgotten. He had been so occupied with staring at JJ that he hadn't seen the other detectives behind her.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Here's another chapter. I hope everyone is enjoying this story. I am really happy with the amazing response I have gotten for this story, and I can't thank you enough for reading, reviewing and following this story. You guys are what keep me going at the moment.

Special thanks to jenny crum, Lalina92, guest, snuggleUP, Jareau37, , chen88212, Westie80, guest, Christiangirl and waiyeex90!

I don't own criminal minds!

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 6<strong>_

Griffen had been waiting patiently as the older man in the doorway was looking longingly at his girlfriend, so he took the warrant from JJ's hand and stepped in front of her. ''Mr. Hotchner, we have a warrant to search your apartment, offices and cars.'' he explained quickly and then proceeded to slam the warrant against Hotch's chest.

JJ was frozen, still, as the other detectives followed Griffen inside. But it wasn't because of Hotch. It was because she saw a very familiar silhouette appearing from behind Hotch. The sight of her older sister caused her heart to speed up, the beats thudding in her chest. She didn't know how to handle seeing them both again so suddenly. She had never imagined the kind of reunion she was experiencing in that moment. She felt like running miles away, yet something was keeping her there in that very moment. Maybe it was justice for her victim, or maybe deep down she wanted to see her big sister again and to have things go back to how they used to be, before…before everything happened.

''Hello,'' she finally managed to croak out, the calmness coming from somewhere deep within herself.

Amy stopped right next to Hotch, her arm slipping around his to give her little sister the false sense that their marriage was more than it truly was. But as she looked at the person she once shared everything with, she felt a pang of guilt. It was like a sharp pain going throughout her entire body. She noticed that JJ had grown up more than she ever imagined. She still had the same features, only matured. ''Jennifer?'' Amy whispered as her throat began to tighten at the name.

JJ slipped through the door and was about to walk by them, when a hand caught her wrist. She whirled around to see her sister holding onto her wrist with hesitance. ''Don't!'' JJ warned immediately and she watched as Amy loosen her grip and let her go. So she turned back around to make her way towards the other detectives.

Hotch could feel the tension, but the amount of pain between them was far worse. And he realized Amy was about to follow JJ, so he put his hand on her shoulder and gently held her back. ''Give her some space, Amy.'' Hotch whispered gently. ''It won't do anyone any good to dredge up the past right now.''

''What…what is she doing here?'' she spoke out as she looked up at Hotch, noticing that his eyes followed JJ until she disappeared from his sight.

Hotch finally returned Amy's gaze and let go of her shoulder. ''She is a homicide detective, Amy.'' he stated simply, knowing that it wasn't going to be a surprise to her. After what had happened in their family it seemed like the most reasonable choice for JJ to make. Hotch knew a lot had happened in JJ's life and that growing up hadn't been easiest for her, but she seemed to be strong now. But as he looked at the woman whom he barely knew anymore, he couldn't help but think back at better times, in a moment when he was actually blissfully happy even if he didn't always show it.

_He closed his laptop and quickly rose from his chair, feeling a strange wave of relief going through him. The day had come to an end and he was surprisingly happy about it. The end of the day meant more time to spend with JJ. And lately that had been all he wanted and ached for. He still believed he only enjoyed their time together because it was casual and easy for him, but he was slowly starting to realize that he was starting to deeply care for her. It was something he never expected, yet it was happening._

_So he put on his suit jacket and walked out of the office, seeing that all other lights had already turned off, except the one at the end of the hallway. With a grin he kept walking and stopped to hover in the doorway of JJ's incredibly small office. For a moment he simply watched her as she was oblivious to his presence. He had the instinct that she'd make a great lawyer one day. Of course with the name Jareau, just like his own name, you couldn't expect anything less. He had often listened to her as she rambled on about excited her parents would be if they were to go public with their relationship because a connection with their families would bring more power, money even. But what JJ didn't know was that he was already connected to her family in a way. It had been the dark cloud hovering about his head all summer. But he wasn't willing to break the news to her, so he stayed silent and decided to enjoy the sight before him, enjoying it while he still could. _

He caught a quick glimpse of her as she spoke to the detectives. She looked professional and to him it looked like she wasn't affected by any of it at all, which bothered him greatly. His urges, his instincts were compromised by just a single glimpse of the blonde and knowing she was unfazed didn't help him. He had broken her heart, probably.

JJ could almost feel the eyes of Hotch and Amy on her. It was like they saw straight through her. She was trying to keep herself together, to not let all the emotions of her past hit her in the face. She just knew it that happened that she'd never be able to stop the tears. So she had resigned to being tough. She no long had another choice.

She looked up to her left when Griffen approached them and she immediately noticed the cellphone in his hand. She realized the implication of the evidence. ''We now have enough proof.'' she stated simply.

''JJ,'' Griffen began, clearing his throat. ''Amy was out of the country which means that Aaron Hotchner is now our prime suspect.''

''I know. Take him in.'' she ordered simply, turning her back as she watched Amy and Hotch talking to one another. Deep down she couldn't believe that the man she once loved was capable of murder. But she knew that people changed, and he had motive. Jealously and passion. Their victim had been sleeping with his wife after all, and in her book that made him a good suspect. So she stepped back and let the other detectives do their job. She watched in horror as they arrested him, causing Amy to stare back at her in complete disbelief but she stayed away. She made the conscious decision to not interfere with the investigation because she couldn't jeopardize it. So she had given Griffen the lead, knowing he would be the best man for the job. And now she was standing behind the glass surrounded by her colleagues, the people who knew her better than anyone else in her life. They were like a family, closer than she ever was with her own. Except for her brother. But JJ quickly was pulled back into focus when she saw Griffen entering the interrogation room while Hotch was just relaxing with a stone cold face. She didn't know whether his demeanor meant he was innocent or actually a suspect. It was the face she had witnessed very often. Cold, lacking warmth. But she could swear that for the first time in years, she had seen a flash of pain cross his face when she had shown up at his apartment. It still seemed surreal to be where she was. The man she now loved was interrogating the man she once loved. She could only hope and pray that Griffen wouldn't come to realize how close she truly had been with Hotch. To him the relationship had probably only ever been physical but for JJ he had been the love of her life at one point. She had considered him to be her forever, but he was only a fleeting mistake in her life.

Griffen entered the room with a file under his arm, his body language distant but open at the same time. He considered the lawyer to be a reasonable suspect, since Amy was out of town during the time of murder. But he didn't want to believe it for JJ's sake. He didn't know much, if anything, about her family. But someone committing murder would never help, and he knew she had a rough time growing up in her family. To him she had become an incredible independent woman whom he loved with everything he had. JJ was his life, everything he ever wanted in a wife.

''Mr. Hotchner, I'm Detective West.'' he introduced again as he sat down across from Hotch. ''We met earlier today.''

Hotch stayed silent, not being impressed at all. He had gone up against hundreds of lawyers and prosecutors in his time as a lawyer so there wasn't really anything that would make him talk. He was experienced enough to know what they expected him off. But he simply didn't do it and it wouldn't be hard for them to check out his alibi, again. ''I'd like to speak with Detective Jareau. In private.'' he added with a smirk on his face. He felt a wave of pride wash over him when Griffen rose to leave the room. ''You should talk to Lauren Parker. She'll inform you that she spent the entire night with me at the apartment Amy and I own.'' he said, revealing his alibi which would possibly make him more hated. ''She'll back up my previous alibi when I told you I was at home.''

Griffen simply nodded before he left the room and immediately walked into observation room to join the other detectives. He noticed that JJ was staring off into the distance and didn't seem to acknowledge his presence. ''What do you guys think?''

JJ turned around and looked professional as always. ''Morris, Briggs talk to Amy about Nicholas.'' she began. ''West, check out his alibi. I'm going to talk to him.'' she said clearly, and before they could object she had already left the room and made her way into the interrogation room. Somehow, she suddenly knew he didn't do it and she was going with the instinct that Hotch had the capacity to provide the police with more information about the murder.

She opened the door and threw it shut behind her and began to step towards the table. But she didn't sit down. Instead she kept standing to keep herself more superior than him, knowing his ego and arrogance was big enough to fill the entire room. ''You requested my presence!'' she said almost angrily, her heart beating in her chest, just hoping that she wouldn't give away the anxiety underneath her hard exterior.

''Do you honestly believe I am capable of murder?'' he asked simply. It was all he wanted to know from her. The truth, but he seemed to have forgotten that the truth wasn't always that simple.

''I no longer know what you're capable off, Aaron.'' she breathed out. ''It has been six years.'' she went on. ''So do tell me about Lauren Parker!''

''Lauren is one of the partners at the firm, Jennifer. I wasn't having an affair with her if that's what you suspect.'' he said happily. ''We worked on an important case together. That's all.''

''Did you know that you're wife was sleeping with Nicholas Jenkins?''

He knew that JJ was purposely trying to avoid addressing Amy as her sister or even by her name. He could sense her hesitation and he hated it. Maybe it was solely because of the past, but he just hoped that there might be a way for them to actually talk as actual human beings, outside of their jobs. ''She's your sister, JJ. You might want to call her Amy, instead of constantly pointing out that she's my wife.'' he said as he began to raise his voice. Anger seemed to overtaking him at her lack of emotion because he barely recognized her in that moment, and her expression was unnerving him. ''You can keep referring to me as Mr. Hotchner, but we both know it's not that easy to pretend like there isn't more going on here!''

JJ swallowed back the emotions and walked towards him, stopping just right in front of him. Once Hotch rose from his chair their bodies were almost touching and she could his breath against her skin, reminding her of the sensations she had felt when he touched her. But she quickly forced herself back to reality and walked towards the door as she held onto his arm. He was officially in custody and she couldn't take the risk of him doing anything, even if she believed he wouldn't harm anyone. It was her job to be cautious. So she pulled him with her and was incredibly relieved to see that the door to the observation room was open and no one had seen her moment with Hotch. She walked to the end of the station and opened the door to one of the empty rooms, used to inform families of their loss or talk to them. She closed the door behind them and pointed for him to sit down on the couch that faced away from the door. Once he was seated, she sat down across from him in one of the chairs. She didn't know where to start, or how to approach him. Too much time had passed for her to know absolutely everything about him. But she did know that he betrayed her, he abandoned her and so had her sister. There was so much more to it than they knew, then she felt he would ever understand.

''Do you think I want this?'' she asked calmly. ''That any of this is easy for me. What is it exactly that you expect from me, Aaron?''

''You're acting as if I choose this, like this is everything I ever wanted!'' he shot back. ''It's not, JJ. For god sake's, do you believe I wanted to end up here?''

JJ could feel that he was stirring up a lot of emotions that she had so perfectly stashed away. But the disbelief was by far the emotion that was reaching her expression. He was actually shouting at her for no apparent reason, and it sickened her. ''What do you want from me?'' she yelled, the tears threatening to fall as she rose from the chair and faced away from him. She took the moment to gather herself and eventually turn back around to continue the confrontation. ''Do you want compassion? My understanding? Because you never showed that to me six years ago!'' she said angrily. ''You screwed me over, Aaron. Literally!''

''Don't act like this, JJ. You're above this.''

''Yeah, you're absolutely right.'' she scoffed as she began her way to the door. ''I am not this person. Not anymore.'' she breathed out and then she simply walked out the room and closed the door behind her, taking a seat on the small couch that stood in the hallway, her mind beginning to race through all the memories, all the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, and the loss.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Hey guys! I am so sorry for the long time between updates. Just like always my professors decided to give me a bunch of coursework right before Christmas break and I had no time to write or update any of my stories.

But I was able to get this chapter out really quickly and I decided to upload it immediately. As always I am eternally grateful to every single one of you for reading, reviewing and following this story. It means everything to me and you guys keep me going!

Most of you probably want to know everything has happened between JJ, Hotch and Amy in the past, but I am slowly revealing this through dialogue and flashbacks. I don't want to rush this story, so please be patient with me, and if you have any questions you can PM me!

I am planning to update Forever Found this weekend, so please hold on for a little while.

Special thanks to jenny crum, 1029, guest, chen88212, waiyeex90, Christiangirl, Jareau37 and jaceyb1!

I don't own criminal minds!

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 7<strong>_

Hotch had been staring off into the distance since JJ had disappeared from the room. He had no intention to chase her down and confront her again. He just wanted some form of acknowledgement that he actually existed, that they weren't strangers after all they had shared together. But as that thought raced through his mind, he also realized he had betrayed JJ, and that nothing could ever make up for it.

_Hotch stood behind his desk, his face harsh and hostile. He gazed across the room at the woman who was standing in his office unannounced. She had promised him one more week in New-York, yet she was standing before him. And he could only suspect that she had come to claim her price. The one thing that would give them both everything they'd ever wanted. A career, money and power. The two most powerful families in the business merged in marriage. Once upon a time, he had felt real love for the woman, but as the years had passed it had faded. Their relationship had become about convenience and gain. _

''_Amy,'' he greeted coldly. ''Why are you here?''_

_She immediately took a step forward and closed the door behind her as a smile appeared across her face, but deep down she was angry. Livid with the man who was risking their reputation for a fling with her younger sister. ''My little sister?'' she demanded, her voice hostile and demanding. _

''_What do you want from me, Amy?'' he scoffed. ''Did you fly down here to give me a lecture?''_

_Amy dropped her purse in one of the chairs and sat down afterwards. As always she was impeccably dressed. She wore an expensive Armani business suit that fit her perfectly and showed off her thin waistline. ''If anyone were to find out about this scandal, it'll ruin us. And our entire family, everything they've built!''_

''_No one is going to find out, Amy!'' Hotch promised, feeling angry with her for confronting him at work._

''_You're twelve years her senior, Aaron!'' Amy shot back angrily. ''She's my little sister for god sakes and you're screwing her!''_

_Hotch slammed his hands down onto his desk when Amy's disrespect pushed him over the edge. ''Don't!'' he warned. ''Don't you dare talk about her that way.''_

''_Oh my god,'' she exclaimed. ''You're falling for her!''_

_He didn't respond. He didn't want to. His entire life was falling apart in front of him and he was about to be pushed onto a crossroads he never saw coming. He had a choice to make, he just knew it. ''She's ten times the woman you'll be ever be.'' he whispered, swallowing back his anger._

_Amy rose from the chair, pulling her purse with her. She turned around one last time to face him. ''Get her out of your system, Aaron.'' she said meanly. ''You need to be in LA next week!''_

His memory came to an abrupt end when JJ was back in the room with him. He had no knowledge of the time that had passed, but he could feel the desperation of the memory in his body. He could still remember the different directions he was torn into six years earlier, all because of their families and their goal for more money, more power, more esteem. JJ had become a casualty of their families. And even after their break-up she was hurt more than anyone else. He always wished he had the power to take the pain away and to make her forget, but life wasn't that easy. They all had to live with their mistakes and regrets.

JJ walked back into the room, and noticed that the man before her looked quite shaken, but her fleeting moment of concern turned into a business-like attitude. So she cleared her throat and closed the door behind her, mentally preparing herself for more to come. ''Your alibi has been confirmed by Lauren Parker.'' she began, carefully sitting down in one of the chairs. ''I'm sorry if the NYPD has inconvenienced you in any way.''

He could almost laugh at her professionalism. She truly treated him like a stranger and it was still bothering him, but he knew that playing along with her game would be best for both of them. ''Is there anything else you need, detective Jareau?'' he inquired as he rose from the chair. He was slowly but surely making his way to the door when he could hear her breath hitch. So he stopped and turned around willingly, not wanting to leave without another word.

''We're going to need your help with Nicholas' cases.'' she breathed out. ''Now that you have been cleared we suspect that his death may be related to one of his cases. We need someone from Hotchner & Associates to consult us. Anyone could do it.'' she added, letting him know she didn't want to work with him.

''Your best bet will be Jenna Sanders, but she has been tasked to take over an important case that's going to court. She simply won't be available.'' he began easily. ''I can help the NYPD.''

JJ was staring back at him, wondering if he was trying to make the entire situation harder than it already was. She couldn't, no she would refuse to work with him on anything. She could easily request another case, but somehow she wasn't willing to let this one go. It had already become incredibly personal for everyone involved.

So she stepped in front of him, her face unfazed and her body rigid and tense. She didn't give the emotions away, she simply looked at him with hatred and anger. ''Do you really think that'll work?''

''Are you saying that you can't stand to work with me? That some piece inside of you is overwhelmed?'' he asked, closing the distance between when she took a step back. ''Just admit, JJ! Admit that you feel something!'' he forced.

She swallowed her nervous as she finally took a halt to finally make a stand against him. It seemed like it was so unclear to him that she was no longer interested in him in any way. He had broken her, maybe deep down he had even destroyed her. She had just never admitted it to anyone and she wasn't willing to admit it to the man standing before her. But maybe, just maybe, letting it all out could be a blessing. Maybe she had to let him know all the anger that had crept up inside of her, instead of keeping it all in. And as she began to rummage through all that pain, she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, as she looked down at the ground. ''Did you forget what happened?'' she croaked out. ''Because I haven't forgotten, Aaron.''

_The drops of rain dripped along her skin, mixing in with the hot tears that fell from her eyes. Her body was shaking from the cold as the pain rushed through her. Dinner with her family didn't exactly turn out as she imagined. She had gotten the shock of her life. She felt betrayed by everyone. But after the announcement had been made, she had rushed out of the house and went straight to the office. She needed to hear that it was all a lie, that it couldn't be true. She needed to hear the words from him. ''Tell me it isn't true.'' she whispered, her voice broken and desperate. ''Please tell me this is a joke!'' she pleaded as she stepped into the doorway of his office._

_Hotch looked up at her, realizing his nightmare had finally come alive. He wished that this moment could've been postponed. And as he gazed at the woman before him, he didn't know what to say. His throat was constricted as his heart stopped beating at the look of pain in her eyes. ''JJ…'' he murmured, hoping that there was a way to explain it, to make her forgive him. But he knew he couldn't. It wasn't that simple, and he had betrayed her. He had taken advantage of her, knowing their relationship could never last. But he hadn't been able to resist her. She was his one weakness and his lack of control had made her a casualty. _

''_You and Amy?'' she asked in tears, her hands clenched together as she watched him approach. She could barely keep herself from falling to the floor and breaking down completely. ''How could you not tell me? How?'' she shouted. _

''_JJ, please let me explain…''_

''_Just tell me it isn't true! Tell me that you and Amy are just friends.'' she sobbed, but she knew her search for the truth had become a blow to the face. It was true. ''You are engaged to my sister…'' she rasped in complete and utter shock. ''How long?''_

_Hotch could feel the tears building up in his eyes at the sight of desperation that had taken over JJ. She seemed to be completely lost, and he had caused that. ''Your sister and I dated in college, and we decided that a marriage between us would be beneficial to both our families.'' he explained carefully. ''We agreed to get married about a year ago, JJ.''_

_The trembling of her body had turned into soft shudders as she stared at him in disbelief, hoping that he had a justification for lying to her all the months they were sleeping together. ''This is over.'' she breathed out. ''I have to go.''_

_He immediately caught up with her when she turned away from him to walk away, and he blocked her path by hovering in the doorway. ''Don't leave like this, JJ.'' he whispered. ''There has to be a way to fix this.''_

Those were the last words he ever uttered to her in six years. It were the last words she heard from him, and looking back she still couldn't believe how he had dared to lie to her for all that time, knowing their relationship was doomed from the very beginning.

''You're not worth my time. You never were.'' she said sadly. ''It is very simple, Aaron.'' she went on. ''We fooled around during the summer while you were engaged to my sister, and you didn't have the decency to tell me!'' she summed up angrily but professionally.

He just looked at her, waiting for her to yell and scream at him for what he had done, but just like before she kept calm and just stood across from him. He couldn't figure out if she was being honest, or if her professionalism was just a protective shield. Either way, he didn't like it. ''You can't keep hiding from your past, JJ.''

''Really?'' she asked angrily. ''As far as I know you and Amy are pretty damn good at it, Aaron. So just watch me do the same!''

''Just be honest, JJ.'' he shot back as he closed the remaining distance between them.

JJ took one step back immediately. ''Back off!'' she warned him angrily, knowing he was trying to get her to open up.

''Once I leave this room chances are that you'll never see me again.'' he stated simply. ''Just admit it, JJ!''

JJ was about to speak when the door to the room flung open, revealing Griffen with Amy standing right behind him. So JJ turned to him and made a bee line for the door, never stopping to say anything to Amy. She just walked out to let Griffen handle it because she couldn't deal with it. She felt like a weight had been put upon her heart, but she knew that her problems were all about her ongoing struggles she had yet to face. She just didn't know when the time would come that she'd finally face them, and before she could even come up with an answer, she heard a familiar voice calling out her name.

''Jennifer! Please wait!'' Amy pleaded as she stopped in the middle of the hallway, waiting for her younger sister to turn around.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hey, I am back with a new chapter for this story after a long time. I am so sorry for the long wait, but I wasn't able to update due to an accident. Luckily, I am feeling a lot better now and I am back at my own apartment without people keeping a constant eye on me. So once I got home I immediately decided to start writing, and this chapter is the first thing I had to get out. I hope you all like this, and keep sticking around for this! Your support and feedback is really the only thing that keeps me going at the moment! And a Happy New Year to everyone!

So, in this just chapter I just threw in a little bit more mystery, which will be cleared up in next the chapter. Let's just say that JJ's history with Hotch and her sister is rather complicated, but as always, I like drama and angst in my stories.

Special thanks to jenny crum, waiyeex90, Lalina92, Westie80, Jareau37, Christiangirl and Chen88212!

I don't own criminal minds!

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 8<strong>_

JJ came to an abrupt halt in the middle of the hallway, standing just a few feet away from her sister. She had been trying to avoid a confrontation with Hotch before, and now her sister seemed to want to talk. But the truth was that she didn't care what she had to say. She didn't care about the apologies or the excuses that would come from her mouth. She no longer cared about what her sister was feeling. Too much time had passed by for it to matter because in six years JJ never heard anything from her sister when she had the chance.

So she turned around, her face filled with anger and resentment. She folded her arms across her chest, noticing that Griffen was still talking to Hotch in the other room. But she kept her initial focus on her sister. ''What can I help you with, Amy?'' she asked politely, hiding the nerves that were just beneath the surface and ready to see the light of day.

Amy immediately took a step forward, but JJ took one back. She then decided to take a step back, realizing that her closing the distance wasn't helping the situation. ''I know that a lot has happened in the past…'' she began with doubt, her voice low and hesitant as she proceeded. ''…but you're my sister!'' she croaked out as a tear of sorrow slipped down her face.

It was at that point that JJ couldn't believe that her sister actually dared to use the sentiment of family. JJ stepped forward with a renewed feeling of anger and disappointment in Amy. ''I am only your sister when it's convenient for you!'' she stated calmly. ''You have no right to talk to me about family.''

''I am here right now, Jennifer!'' Amy shot back. ''I am here, and I'm willing to fix things between us.''

With those last words JJ finally lost her iron control. Something inside of her just snapped when she heard her sister talk about fixing their relationship. ''Where were you six years ago?'' she yelled. ''You didn't think it mattered to be in my life then?'' she croaked out as the tears finally began to stream down her face. ''Our family has lost so much, Amy.''

''I didn't know how to be around you, JJ.'' she admitted with grief. ''I couldn't face my mistakes, and hurting my little sister was something that I just couldn't deal with.''

JJ's body was trembling of its own volition. Sometimes she wondered how her sister had changed so much that she had become a completely different person. All JJ could see now was someone she didn't even recognize as her own sister. ''How can you stand here and try to justify yourself to me?'' she whispered in disbelief. ''You of all people don't have the right, Amy.'' she added, her hands trembling as she clenched them together tightly. There was so much she wanted to say, but she managed to keep some control of her emotions.

''You're right. There's no way I can justify what I did to you. There never will be.'' Amy said calmly. ''But everything I did, everything that happened, was in the name of our family.''

JJ shook her head, realizing that Amy was still caught up with the family as much as she had been throughout her entire life. ''You married a man out of convenience because our family pressured us to succeed. I get it. I grew up in the same family as you, Amy.'' JJ said emotionally. ''But I will never understand how anyone can be capable of betraying their own sister…'' she whispered as another tear fell down her face.

''I never meant…'' Amy tried to say, but JJ held her hand up slowly to keep her from continuing. The sight of JJ's heartbroken face was breaking Amy's heart. Somewhere along the way she had lost sight of everything that was important and after years she was now finally faced with the consequences. And JJ's heartache, her hatred, her distanced attitude, were all because of her own actions.

''No! No! You don't get to do that!'' she shot back. ''You got me the internship at his firm, you pushed me to work there! And when I told you I was in a relationship with him you failed to mention that you were engaged to the very man I was dating!'' she yelled angrily. ''You knew….'' she cried out. ''You knew, and instead of protecting me, you embarrassed me in front of our family. You betrayed me, Amy.''

Amy took a step back, her mind replaying the very moment that JJ was talking about. She felt herself getting thrown back into time, and before she knew it, she was back in that moment.

_The dining room was exquisite as always. The table was filled with beautiful decorations as the Jareau family sat at the large table, sharing stories about their summer adventures. But one of the people at the table wasn't as excited as all the others. It was JJ. She had barely touched her food as she listened to her family exchanging stories and questioning each other about the summer. She was quite happy to see her family again, but the end of summer meant the end of her internship and possibly the ending of her relationship with Hotch. _

''_JJ!'' Adam, her older brother called out from across the table when he began to notice that his younger sister wasn't exactly paying attention to the family surrounding her. ''When are you returning to school?''_

_JJ put her fork down and looked across the table. Her parents were both sitting at the head of the table on opposite sides, while her brother and sister sat across from her. JJ occupied her side all alone, making her feel a little out of sorts. ''My internship at Hotchner & Associates ends next week so I'll be going back to school about four days after that.''_

''_Your internship must have been exciting.'' Amy scolded, an underlying rage resting in her voice. She still couldn't believe that her much younger sister had been sleeping around with her fiancé. After she had confronted Hotch, she had known it to be true. And she still didn't want to believe it. ''Now that we're talking about Hotchner & Associates, I have some exciting news!''_

''_What is it?'' Erica Jareau asked happily as she watched a grin spread across her daughter's face. ''Come on, out with it!'' she encouraged excitedly. _

_Amy was sitting on the edge of her seat. ''I have known this for a while, but it is finally official…'' she went on mysteriously. ''…I am engaged to Aaron Hotchner!'' she blurted out, looking across the table at JJ with a nasty grin._

_JJ's heart stopped, literally stopped as she felt her body weaken just by sitting and looking at her sister. She had no idea what was happening, but the look on her sister's face told her more than enough. But that still didn't help her. She could feel the tears threatening to fall, her heart breaking into a million pieces. ''What?'' she finally croaked out._

''_He choose me, JJ.'' Amy spat out angrily. ''He's going to marry me, and your summer fling has officially ended.''_

_JJ gazed back at her sister in utter disbelief as she saw her father rise from his chair out of the corner of her eye. She could see the anger on his face, and JJ knew what was coming next, so she rose from her chair and was ready to walk out of the house._

''_JJ, is Amy telling the truth?'' Simon asked his daughter as he had his hands on his sides. _

''_Yes, I have been in a relationship with Aaron Hotchner while I have been working at Hotchner & Associates.'' she admitted immediately._

_Simon slammed his hands down onto the dining table, his anger spreading across his face. But it wasn't just anger, it was disappointment. ''You threatened the reputation of this family, again!'' he yelled at JJ. ''The man is engaged to your sister, Jennifer. If anyone were to find out that you had an affair with someone in the Hotchner family, we could be ruined!'' _

''_Really, dad?'' JJ asked with tears in her eyes. ''An affair? Reputation?'' she questioned furiously. ''I didn't know, okay! I didn't know that Amy was engaged to him. So how can this be my fault?''_

''_You don't ever get involved with your boss!'' her father shot back as the rest of the family sat back and watched the fight explode. ''We raised you better than this!''_

_JJ shoved her chair closer to the table and stood across her father, feeling the disappointment in his voice come raining down on her all at once. ''So I am still not good enough? Why? Because I am not Amy, or because I didn't want to become a doctor like Rosaline?'' she sobbed. ''Ever since Rosaline died, I have been trying to live up to the expectations you set for me. I have tried to be like her, and Amy, but I am not!''_

_Adam, the oldest child in the Jareau family, rose from his chair and began to make his way toward JJ. He could see his youngest sister falling apart in front of him and he wasn't about to let their father kick her while she was already down. ''Dad, leave her alone!'' he said calmly as he stopped behind JJ. ''This isn't her fault.''_

_Before anyone had a moment to respond to Adam, JJ was stepping closer to her father with tears in her eyes. Somehow that light in her eyes had dissipated and had been replaced with an unbearable pain. It was a mix of all things together. Hotch, Amy, her family. Everything. All her life she had felt out of place. She had known her parents were disappointed, but how her father had spoken to her was unreal, unfair. ''Since the moment I was old enough to talk you had my future planned out for me. I had to follow in your footsteps, so that one day I would be exactly like you. But guess what, dad!'' she went on. ''I never wanted to be a lawyer. I never wanted any of this.'' she confessed with her hands in the air. ''I took the internship for you because I was hoping that you'd stop looking at me like I was a total disappointment.''_

_Adam touched JJ's shoulders and gently turned her around when the entire dining room went silent. ''Let's get you out of here!'' he whispered._

JJ had been staring at her sister's face, knowing she was recalling the exact same memory as she had been. It was one of the many that had been burned into her mind for the remainder of her life. That day everything had changed. She had stood up to her father, she had finally walked away from her family and her heart was broken for the first time in her life. In some ways she expected that her life had become better because of the events that transpired that day, but sometimes she caught herself wishing her life was different. She knew that her own choices had defined her life, but the momentary regrets were still happening every now and then.

''I made so many mistakes, JJ. And I know there's no way to apologize to you, but I hope we can move forward.'' Amy said carefully, knowing she was entering dangerous territory. JJ may have been a lot younger than her, but she was still cautious and intelligent. Amy knew that her stubbornness and pride were also characteristics that would stand in the way of a possible reconciliation. ''Please say something!'' she begged.

''No…'' JJ cried out, her body frozen and her eyes filled with sorrow. ''There's just nothing to say, Amy.''

''I am truly sorry. I am sorry.'' Amy said, her own tears threatening to fall as she saw that JJ was beginning to fall apart completely. She knew exactly what subject was about to come up, and it was the one thing that JJ could never forgive her for, she just knew it. And deep down she didn't blame her. It was about Adam after all. Not just anyone. He was their big brother.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Here's another chapter. I hope you all like it!

I am sorry for the long wait guys, but exams kept me from writing and being able to update. So I hope this chapter makes up for it!

Special thanks to jenny crum, snuggleUP, Lalina92, Jareau37, chen88212, Christiangirl, okyna2996, jjcrimminds and guest!

I don't own criminal minds!

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 9<strong>_

The two sisters were still standing across from one another, the tension filling the unoccupied corridor of the station. JJ for one wanted to run and never look back, but now that she was already talking to her sister she wasn't about to walk away from the conversation. Amy deserved to know the wounds that she had inflicted upon JJ. Sometimes she even wondered if she could ever forgive her sister for everything that happened.

''I can't believe you.'' JJ muttered in anguish, wondering if her sister realized how much pain she had endured. And looking back into her sister's eyes reignited the urge to walk away and never look back. ''I don't want to talk about this anymore.'' she said calmly and then she turned her back to her sister. She began to walk away, still hearing the sound of heels right behind her.

''Of course, JJ!'' Amy shouted. ''Run away!''

That was the moment that everything inside JJ came falling apart. The years of what-ifs, memories. All of it. She whirled around and paced back to her sister with an enraged look on her face. ''I am running away?'' she repeated in disbelief. ''I don't want to be any part of this, Amy. I don't want be connected to the insanity that is our family.'' she yelled. ''Adam died! He died believing that our parents were disappointed in him.''

''JJ…'' Amy said, the tears streaming down JJ's face mirroring her own.

''You weren't there, Amy. I was there when it happened.'' she sobbed.

_The streets were dark and empty as Adam and JJ slowly wandered through the city, returning to the car so they could get home. Adam had insisted that JJ spent the evening with him, so he could try to cheer her up after the ordeal that happened only five months earlier. _

''_Did you enjoy your birthday at least a little?'' Adam asked as he gave her a gentle push. _

_JJ looked up at her older brother with a smile on her face. Somehow he had managed to uplift her spirits, which she had desperately needed. ''I had fun.'' she responded. ''Thanks, Adam.''_

''_No problem, sis.'' he said, noticing a man wearing all black coming their way and looking suspicious to him. He immediately pushed JJ in the opposite direction, hoping his hunch was going to prove him wrong. ''You know you can always talk to me, right?''_

_JJ was about to respond when loud footsteps caught up with them, causing her to turn around. And before she knew it, she was facing a gun. Her heart began to pound, her face turning pale. ''Adam…'' she mustered in a terrified tone, not knowing what was about to happen. _

_Adam was only a few feet away from JJ, looking in horror as the gun was pointed at his sister. All of his instincts to protect her kicked in and he dove in front of her, the gun going off as his body covered JJ._

_After the first deafening shot rang everything happened too quickly. One moment Adam was standing next to her, falling to the ground. Not only seconds later, she felt a bullet tearing through her insides as her hands went to the wound instinctively. The blood seeped through her hands as she stumbled to the ground, the tears streaming down her face. It was like they were there one minute, and gone the next. It all happened in seconds. In a second a life had been ripped from the world._

It was the one memory that often haunted JJ in her nightmares. Seeing her brother die before her own eyes had left a trauma behind that she never dealt with. Instead, she pushed it away. She dropped out of college, and joined the police. Her brother's murder, along with her family history had pushed her towards becoming a cop. But what mattered most was that her family hadn't been there.

''He died in the hospital alone!'' JJ sobbed uncontrollably. ''He died, and you weren't there.''

''I was in Los-Angeles!'' Amy tried to rationalize, but immediately stopped.

JJ took a step forward. ''You're not worth my time, Amy.'' JJ repeated. ''Because when it mattered most Adam wasn't worth your time when he was dying, and I wasn't worth your time when I was unconscious in the hospital for two weeks while recovering from the shooting.'' she went on angrily. ''He was your brother. He would've done anything for you.''

JJ was annoyed by the lack of response she was getting from Amy, and was just done with it. ''Nothing is ever going to make up for that.''

Amy was trying to say something, anything. The heartbreak that had spread across JJ's face was paralyzing her somehow. There were no words, nothing that could ever make up for her mistakes. And she just knew it, so she stayed quiet and watched as JJ let her arms fall to her side in defeat.

From across the hallway, Griffen and Hotch had seen the emotional moment between the sisters unraveling. While Griffen was baffled and heartbroken for JJ, Hotch could only stare at the blonde, wondering how she had been dealing with so much in torment over the years. And knowing he was to blame for a part of it didn't ease the pain for him.

Griffen had never known the amount of pain JJ had been dealing with. He knew JJ had lost someone in the past to violence, but he had never known she had been a victim in the same shooting. He suddenly realized he knew very little about her, and after months of dating that didn't seem to be right. JJ and him had been friends long before they took the next step by becoming romantically involved. He just always believed that JJ trusted him with her life, her secrets, even her past. But now it seemed he knew very little about what had actually shaped her to be who she was. He took a moment and stared at the man by his side, wondering what his true connections to JJ were since he had sensed extreme tension between them earlier. Nothing could or would surprise him anymore after what he had just witnessed. So he turned around, facing the powerful lawyer, wearing a ten thousand dollar suit, yet it failed to impress Griffen.

''Did you have a relationship with JJ?'' he demanded authoritatively, needing to hear the honest truth from someone.

Hotch's head had only been with JJ until the detective's question broke the silence between them. Hotch turned away from the door and looked at the man before him, wondering if JJ had actually kept their relationship, or maybe fling, whatever it had been to her, a secret. ''Yes,'' he said bluntly. There was no simpler answer than the truth, and he no longer wanted to spend another minute denying that JJ had been a major part of his life. Someone he cared for deeply, more so than he ever dared to admit to anyone. ''We dated during her summer internship at the law firm.''

Griffen was at a loss for words, not understanding why that relationship had been kept a secret from him by JJ, or why she had never mentioned it. It only led him to realize that she either never moved on from him, or that she had experienced true heartbreak and felt too pained to talk about it with anyone. ''Let me guess…'' he began angrily. ''You broke her heart!''

''Yeah, because she looked so heartbroken when you turned up at Hotchner & Associates earlier today.'' Hotch huffed, shrugging his shoulders.

''You got involved with her while you were engaged to her sister?'' he asked, repeating the words JJ had expressed to her sister just moments ago. ''What kind of person does that make you, huh?'' Griffen shot back, whirling around and exiting the room. He couldn't stand to be in the same room with that man for a moment longer. He sickened him, and everything he had apparently put JJ through when she was younger.

He walked through the station, noticing that JJ and her sister were gone from the hallway, so he began his search for JJ. After a few minutes, he found her in the empty break room, hunched over with coffee in her shaking hands. He softly knocked on the door to alert her of his presence.

JJ looked up at him with dough eyes, her face expressing the sadness she was feeling from her confrontation with Amy. But looking at Griffen's face made her feel somewhat better, and safer in a way. ''Hey,'' she whispered sadly.

''Hi,'' he whispered back as he carefully and slowly sat down next to her. He took her hand in his and squeezed it, letting her know he was there for her.

''I am sorry, Griffen.'' she suddenly cried out, her heart beating a mile a minute. ''I am sorry for all of this. I never meant for this to happen, for you to find out like this.''

He put his arms around her, pulling her closer to his body for comfort. ''Shhh,'' he hushed when her tears only increased as his grip on her body tightened. ''None of this is your fault, JJ. Your family's wrongs aren't your burden to bear, they never will be.''

JJ was sobbing into his shoulder, feeling the weight of the world on them. Her past was unresolved and was only doing her more harm than good. She had always run away from it, but now everything was catching up with her and she didn't know how to even begin to deal with the fallout. ''I don't know how Amy expects me to move from all of it.'' she cried out. ''She was never there for me, she was never around.''

Griffen slowly pulled away from the embrace, cupping JJ's cheeks with both hands as she gazed back into his eyes. ''You don't owe her a thing.'' he said. ''JJ, do you understand?''

She nodded her head in defeat. ''I know, but I somehow have to deal with this.'' she reminded him. ''They are involved in this case and I can't walk away from this.''

He sat back in surprise, slightly upset at the fact that JJ felt obligated to stay on the case which had already begun to turn her life around once again. ''No one expects you to handle this.'' he defended. ''You have to think about yourself.''

''I am a cop, Griffen. It's who I am, so I can't walk away from this just because I have a painful past with the people involved.'' she explained to him. ''I will find a way to deal with this.'' she said, trying to convince herself as she rose from the couch in the break room. She put the mug with coffee in the sink, turned back around, and leaned against the counter. ''I am going to finish up the paperwork for today.'' she said as she began to walk towards the door, but she stopped when he began to talk.

''JJ, we are okay, right?'' he asked with fear.

She turned around slowly, her face probably confirming his fear. She didn't know what to say or do in that moment. So much had just happened, and logic seemed to be gone from her mind. ''I need some time.'' she finally breathed out.

Those words caused him to jump up from the couch and block her path before she had a chance to leave the conversation. ''JJ, don't do this.'' he pleaded. ''Don't shut me out because you're hurting.''

She shook her head, her eyes watering as she looked into his eyes. ''I have to.'' she said. ''You deserve better than this, Griffen.''

And with lose last words she passed him by, and left him standing with no real answer to his question. To be honest, she didn't know what they were, or even who she was. She had to find a way to figure it all out.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I am so sorry for the long wait for this story. I hope that this chapter makes up for it!

Special thanks to Lalina92, jenny crum, Christiangirl and Jareau37!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 10<strong>_

Hotch had been staring ahead of him blankly, no real thoughts crossing his minds, except the image of JJ. Having her back in his life, seeing her again, talking to her again, made his life seem so unimportant. The money, his family's name. All of it. He felt like it no longer mattered to him.

He finally looked away from the window when he heard the footsteps of his wife in the living room. He immediately jumped up from the couch and walked towards her with a face of anger and utter disappointment. ''Was that conversation at the precinct really necessary, Amy?'' he questioned, his voice demanding.

At the question, she turned around slowly as she looked up at the man she had come to despise. Yes, she once loved him. But from the moment he had been with her sister it had all changed. She had come to the realization that their relationship would never be more than an opportunity for money and a good career. ''Aaron, not now!'' she whispered.

''JJ deserves so much better than what you did to her!''

''What I did to her?'' Amy yelled angrily. ''Did you forget you had an affair with my younger sister? You are the one who put us through this disaster.''

He was ready to walk away from it all. From his marriage, his firm, but most of all from his family name. He was sick of the pain their families had left in its wake. It was no longer possible for him to remain in control and stoic about his life. So he was beginning to walk away from Amy, but before he had a chance to, he heard her beginning to speak so he turned around.

''If you come anywhere near my sister again, it'll be over for you!'' she threatened.

He shrugged his shoulder and closed the remaining gap between them. ''This notion of us being married is ridiculous, Amy.'' he began. ''We have both been miserable for years. You fell in love with Nicholas while my heart has been with another even since before we were married.''

''You love her.'' Amy observed, her heart being torn into pieces as she looked into his eyes. He had never talked about her that way, never looked like that while speaking about her.

''I always have.'' he confirmed, not feeling a moment of regret for loving another woman. Even though he had once believed to be in love with Amy, those feelings had never compared to what he felt for JJ. And for years, even while he was with her, he ignored them. He was afraid of showing a softer side and being vulnerable, but now he was done being unhappy and giving up his own dreams for another.

So he turned his back to Amy, and began to approach the door with only one thing in mind. _JJ_. He had to see her, to talk to her and to try and explain everything he felt, all that had happened.

* * *

><p>JJ had been huddled on the couch with a glass of wine and several case files surrounding her. She had been brainstorming the case, trying to find a motive for anyone to have killed Nicholas Jenkins, but she had nothing. Now she could only hope that the techs would come up with some valuable evidence to point them into the direction of the killer.<p>

At the sound of a knock on her door, she jumped up from the couch, thinking maybe Tracy was coming by for some girl time, but as soon as she swung the door open, she tried to close it just as fast, but he pushed it open. So she stepped back and blocked the doorway.

''What the hell are you doing here?'' she demanded with her arms crossed on her chest as she looked at Hotch in front of her.

He kept his hand on the door to keep her from slamming the door in his face, even though he knew he deserved it. ''Can we please talk like two civil people for a moment?''

''We have nothing to talk about, Aaron.'' she shot back as she walked back into her apartment. After reaching the living room she heard the door fall shut, so she turned back around to face him once again.

''Could you please give me one moment? Just one moment!'' he begged as he followed her into the living room, his eyes settling on her, hoping she was willing to give him a chance to explain.

She looked up at him in disbelief. ''There's nothing you can say to me!'' she shot back.

Hotch was feeling the frustration in his body rise. He just needed a moment, one second, to explain. He needed her to give him a chance, and he knew that the possibility of that would be slim. ''Why are you being so difficult?''

''Difficult?'' she repeated in pain. ''What do you want me to be, Aaron? Should I be understanding after everything you pulled?'' she yelled angrily, seeing his face soften as he stared back into her eyes.

Hotch took a step forward, daringly. ''How can you stand here like it never meant anything to you?''

Tears were beginning to well up in her eyes because she was no longer capable of keeping it all inside. ''You used me. You slept with me while you were engaged to my sister!'' she shot back. ''You had three months to tell me, but you never did.''

''You walked away!'' he declared irritably.

''I walked away?'' she croaked out in disbelief as she gazed back into his eyes while a glimmer of emotion crossed her face. ''How dare you!'' she hissed. ''I have played our relationship over and over again in my head, Aaron!'' she breathed out. ''And it always ends the same way. Me losing a part of myself I'll never get back, and you marrying my sister.'' she yelled angrily, noticing that he was just gazing back at her and not saying a word. ''Your entire world…the world you built with my sister is nothing but a lie. How can you look in the mirror knowing what kind of man you are?''

Her last sentence felt like a stab to his heart. Yes, on the outside he seemed conceited, arrogant and powerful. But on the inside he wished he had made the right choice six years ago when it mattered most. ''I never intended…'' he tried to say, but he was interrupted by her voice.

''…to what? Screw me over?'' she finished for him.

A silence fell and neither of them took their turn to talk, but as JJ felt the tension rise, she felt the emotions pouring out. The heartbreak, the pain, the betrayal. She was no longer capable of holding herself together and tears began to slip from her eyes. ''For six years I've been wondering if our relationship ever meant anything to you, if you ever appreciated me, noticed me.'' she cried out. ''You shattered my entire world. You were the first man I ever loved and you broke my heart.'' she revealed, knowing that her confession gave him power over her in a way.

''JJ, I…'' he tried to say but his words fell short. He had no words for the enormity of what she had just dropped on him. He never knew that their relationship had meant that much to her.

''You have to go.'' she said in raged breaths. ''I cannot do this.''

''Give me a chance, JJ.'' he whispered as he closed the distance between them, hoping he could find a way to comfort her. ''Just listen to me!''

She slowly settled on the couch in defeat, knowing she was never going to win the battle with him. So she stared back up at him through her tearstained eyes, her vision blurry. ''Five minutes. That's it.''

He nodded and sat down on the other end of the couch hesitantly, beginning to show a different side of him. ''When we first started sleeping together it was just a fling to me.'' he admitted boldly. ''But as time progressed I realized you were someone I could see a real future with, but I knew I was supposed to marry Amy.'' he went on. ''So I decided to end our relationship before there was no going back, but I couldn't. I didn't know how.''

He saw a flash of anger cross her eyes immediately after he stopped talking. ''I never meant to lead you on, JJ.'' he continued. ''But you have to know that you were real to me. What we had was real to me.'' he said almost painfully. ''When you came to my office in tears once you found out about the engagement, I didn't know what to do. I felt completely hopeless in that situation. So I forced myself to forget the relationship and I married Amy shortly after.''

''Is there a point to all of this?'' she asked impatiently.

''The point is that I kept thinking about you constantly.'' he confessed. ''You were all I ever thought about while I was in Los-Angeles.'' he went on. ''So after I hadn't seen you for five months I flew out here to surprise you for your birthday.'' he began hesitantly. ''Amy was working on a big case in Los-Angeles, and I had decided to leave her. I was coming to New-York to tell you that I wanted to be with you and that I was leaving your sister.'' he continued. ''But by the time I got to your dorm the police was on scene and told me you had been shot.'' he said. ''Adam had already passed away, so I went to the hospital and I stayed by your side every day until you woke up.'' he said, knowing that the revelation would come as a shock to her since she never knew he was in the hospital with her. ''I was there, JJ.'' he whispered, thinking back to a moment during her stay at the hospital that defined him forever.

_His hands clutched hers gently. He had been by her side for nearly two weeks and she still hadn't woken up. The fact that the doctors couldn't give him an indication of her waking up, meant hell to him. He couldn't lose her, even though their relationship was complicated and over. He had married her sister soon after his break-up with JJ, but his heart still belonged to her. And it took her being shot for him to realize that he loved her. Probably since the moment he met her. _

''_I told myself that our relationship was fleeting and just for fun.'' he whispered to JJ. ''I convinced myself that I couldn't love anyone, JJ.'' he went on as tears began to fill his eyes. ''But I was wrong. I love you, JJ.'' he murmured. ''So I need you to fight because you belong here with me.'' he croaked out. ''You cannot leave me.''_

JJ leaned forward, staring down at the floor in disbelief and then proceeded to gaze back at him, her hands shaking at her sides as an aching silence took over the apartment. The tears were forming in her eyes as soon as she heard the words. Disbelief had taken over. Nurses and doctors told her that no one from her family had visited her in the hospital. That only friends had come to see her.

As the silence wore on, he decided to continue. ''It took me nearly losing you to realize that I loved you.'' he said in a soft and loving tone. ''I still love you, JJ. I never stopped.''

She was trying to process the words, the truth, whatever she had just heard. He had literally just dropped a bomb on her, and she did not know how to handle everything at once. Most of her life had been about reputation, power and money. And now she was sitting across from one of the people who had continued to live that life by his own choice, and she couldn't help but wonder which side of him was real. He had just poured out his heart, but she was afraid to believe him, to open up her heart to him again. In the past trusting him had burned her, so she wouldn't make the same mistake twice.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Another chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to jenny crum, Lalina92, browneyes99, waiyeex90, Jareau37 and jjcrimminds!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 11<strong>_

JJ was still sitting on the couch as she was staring blankly at Hotch while he was seated on the other end of the couch. His hands were clenched together as he was unable to tear his eyes away from JJ. He was watching her every move while it all seemed to be sinking in. He never had any expectations of how she would take the news. He never even intended to see her again after the hospital, even though he wanted to. But once she walked back into his life, he couldn't let her walk out of it without at least explaining his side of the story. He had to get it all off his chest.

JJ lifted her hand up slowly and wiped away the tears that had begun to stream down her cheeks. She took a deep breath to prepare herself for the rest of their conversation, not knowing what else he could possibly have in store for her. ''What is it exactly that you want from me, Aaron?'' she asked nervously.

He gazed back at her with shock when he realized she expected him to have ulterior motives. ''I don't want anything from you.''

''Yet, you're here in my apartment while you could've told me all of this six years ago.'' she said defensively. ''You came to me, six years too late.''

He raised his hand gently. ''Look, JJ…'' he started carefully. ''For the past six years I have regretted everything I put you through, and I thought that if I told you the truth that things could be better for both of us.''

''You're never going to change, Aaron.'' she cried out. ''You came her to clear your own conscience.''

After her last words, he rose from the couch slightly angry and turned away from her. He took a moment to himself and then whirled back around. ''JJ, all that I did to you…'' he began. ''the lies, the affair, using you.'' he went on. ''It has been tearing me apart, and I thought that if I'd see you and explained everything to you that I wouldn't have to be so ashamed of my actions.'' he croaked out as a tear slipped from his eyes. ''I guess that coming here was a mistake because you seem to be doing fine.''

In that moment, finally, after six years JJ felt something real about him. His pain and shame felt real to her. So she rose from the couch and walked towards him. ''Aaron, I'm not fine.'' she admitted to him, closing the remaining gap. ''I don't even recognize myself anymore.'' she cried out. ''The shooting messed me up so badly that I dropped out of college and became a detective.'' she went on. ''I am surrounded by friends, but I still miss my family every day. Ever since they discovered you and I had a relationship my life changed forever.'' she stopped, her knees going weak. This was the first time in years that everything was right on the surface. All of it. She was finally having that moment of complete honesty, but with the last person she ever expected. ''I lost Adam. The one person who didn't abandon me. I lost everything, Aaron. Everything I fought for my entire life.''

''I didn't know things had become so bad for you, JJ.''

''I was ready, Aaron. I was so ready for a future with you, I could envision it.'' she cried out. ''Six years ago, I had my entire life figured out. And now…now everything is a mess. I can never get my old life back again.''

''Let me help you, JJ. I can be here for you. I want to be here for you.'' he insisted.

JJ shook her head as she looked up at him again. ''No Aaron, you can't.'' she breathed out. ''I might never get my old life back again, but I also don't want it back. As much as the past six years have hurt me, I have a better life now and I won't go back.'' she went on. ''Griffen walked into my life, and he became my best friend.'' she whispered, a smile crossing her face when she thought about her current partner. ''It wasn't something I expected at all. He is a good person and he means everything to me. I love him, Aaron. No matter what you and I had, I love him and I could never hurt him the way you hurt me.'' she said, knowing it could come across as a jab at him. ''So we can't be friends. I have to do right by him, and by myself as well.''

He nodded, his hands clenched together. ''Where do we go from here?''

''We'll have to work together on this case, but once it is over we'll be out of each other's lives again.'' she stated with ease, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was best for everyone involved. ''Everything will go back to the way it was.''

On the one hand, he understood her. He got her. But another part of him felt like she was just running away from her past, instead of facing it head on. JJ still had so much left to live for and carrying on the way she had, had the power to eventually destroy her completely. ''Just one question…'' he said painfully. ''If I had been there when you woke up, and I would've left Amy, would we be together now?''

''Yes, we probably would be together.'' JJ replied honestly. ''But you didn't stay. You walked away, and you didn't leave Amy.''

The truth of the matter was on the tip of his tongue and Hotch didn't know whether to tell or not. She deserved to know, but it would only add to the amount of pain he had already saddled her up with. ''It was your father, JJ.'' he blurted out. ''Even though you had been estranged from him, he was funding your scholarship unbeknownst to you.'' he continued on. ''He came to the hospital and threatened to take it away, not just that, he threatened my family, my reputation, everything.'' he said. ''I couldn't take the risk, so I left before you woke up.''

_Not much had changed since he first walked into the hospital room. The blonde was still lying motionless in the bed as she recovered from the traumatic shooting. Hotch had taken the liberty of talking to the detectives on the case, but they had no leads. They were waiting for JJ to wake up, hoping she'd be a good eyewitness to the crime. But to Hotch it was more important that she was alright, and that she'd fully recover. _

''_I'm not surprised to see you here, Aaron.'' a voice said from behind him. _

_Hotch rose from the chair, knowing that voice all too well. He turned around and faced Simon Jareau, JJ's father. ''Hello, sir!'' Hotch greeted politely, but he didn't feel like being nice to the man before him since he hadn't visited his daughter at all. It made him question everything about family, including his own. ''I am surprised to see you here, though.''_

_Simon stepped into the hospital room and closed the door behind him. He stepped closer to the bed and took a brief moment to look at his daughter before returning his attention to Hotch. ''I am going to make this very easy on you.'' he began, his voice threatening and authoritative. ''Walk away from Jennifer and go back to Amy, or else you'll find out what kind of damage I can do to your life.''_

_Hotch stepped forward. ''Are you threatening me?''_

''_Maybe,'' he responded. ''You see, JJ is still in college but since the estrangement her tuition has been funded by a scholarship, which I secretly pay for. So you see where I am going with this?'' he pointed out happily. ''Walk away and JJ gets to keep her college education. Or stay, and you'll see just how hard life will be without the support of the Jareau name.''_

His words didn't surprise JJ at all. She knew her father was capable of so much worse. She couldn't even see the similarities between them, or anyone from her family. If anything, she didn't want to be related to them. ''I have to go.'' she whispered, rising from the couch. She walked towards the door, picking up her jacket and quickly putting it on. She opened her door and waited for Hotch to walk out of her apartment so she could leave.

Hotch walked to the door and stepped into the hallway, not realizing what had suddenly gotten into her. She seemed incredibly calm for what he had just told her. ''Are you alright?''

''I'm fine.'' she answered as she closed the door behind her. ''There's someone I have to pay a visit.'' she stated before quickly making her way through the building and outside. Once she was out the doors, she felt the wind surround her. She turned around slowly to face Hotch again, her face still filled with pain and tears. ''Thanks for telling me the truth, Aaron!'' she whispered and then she disappeared to her car without another word. She got behind the wheel and drove off with only one destination in mind. Her family home.

* * *

><p>The drive was nerve-wracking for JJ. It had been six years since she had last spoken to anyone from her family. After her relationship with Hotch ended it had been apparent that no one from her family was interested in having her in their lives, so JJ simply went on living her life without seeing her family. The thought still broke her heart, but she had no other choice than keep going with her life. And as she pulled up in front of her childhood home, she felt a chill go down her spine. The townhouse of course hadn't changed, and she expected that inside had also remained in its old state. She parked the car quickly and then slowly began to make her way up to the door. Her heart was beating in her chest. She didn't want to be there, but what Hotch had just told her needed to be addressed. Not only that, but she also needed to express everything that had bothered her since she left the family. So she came to a halt, took a few seconds, and finally knocked on the door.<p>

As she waited, she straightened her leather jacket and was freaking out from the suspense. When the door finally opened, she was faced with her mother, who she nearly didn't recognize. She had grown considerably older in six years, more than JJ could've expected.

Erica Jareau was baffled, her body frozen at the sight of her youngest child. ''JJ?'' she croaked out in utter astonishment. It caused her to remember the last time she had spoken with JJ in private. It had been right after the truth about JJ's relationship had been revealed, and just before she left the house with Adam to get away from all the drama.

_The mother of four, now three, children walked out the dining room and followed both Adam and JJ towards the front of the house. Dinner had been filled with surprises, none of which she was exactly happy with. So Erica felt that she needed to speak with her daughter._

''_So you've been having an affair with Aaron Hotchner?'' she asked simply._

_JJ stopped dead in her tracks, nodding to Adam to give them a moment. Once Adam had left them alone, JJ whirled around almost angrily at the realization that her entire family blamed her for the so-called scandal. ''No, it wasn't an affair.'' JJ expressed calmly. ''I didn't know he was engaged to Amy, mom! No one ever told me.''_

_Erica took a step forward, her face filled with disappointment and anger. ''Do you have any idea what affairs to do relationships?'' she asked her daughter. ''I know how it feels!''_

_JJ could feel the tears threatening to fall in that very instant. ''I care about him and I know he cares about me too.'' she whispered, trying to convince herself. _

''_Really?'' Erica said in a laugh. ''Is that what you think?'' she went on. ''This…this scandal has ruined your sister because up until today she believed that he cared about her too.''_

''_I never meant for this to happen.'' JJ tried to say but her mother interrupted her._

''_You're no longer welcome in this house. Walk away, JJ!'' Erica said and with those last words she turned around and walked away from her daughter, not knowing that the next time they would see each other again, would be six years later._


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Here's the next chapter! I hope you all like it.

Special thanks to jenny crum, Colorful Zebra, waiyeex90, Lalina92, jjcrimminds and Jareau37!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 12<strong>_

JJ stood still as she was standing right across from her mother, not even recognizing the woman who had been an amazing mother throughout her childhood. All the good memories were tainted by the bad memories. JJ knew life wasn't simple but all that had happened in only a time span of six years was something she'd never forget. The faces of her family haunted her from time to time, and facing her mother for real was something extremely difficult.

''Hello mother.'' JJ said strongly, holding herself together at the threads. She forced herself not to break down in front of the very people who broke a part of her. She had too much pride to do so. ''Is dad home by any chance?'' she said, skipping right to the point instead of entering into awkwardness and potential small talk that would hold no meaning.

JJ's mother stood uncomfortably before her daughter, completely thrown off by her question. So she looked behind her for a moment and then turned her attention back to JJ. ''He's inside.'' she muttered. ''How are you?'' she asked with genuine concern.

In response, JJ folded her arms across her chest. ''I just need to talk to dad. I'm not here for small talk.'' JJ explained quickly, and then stopped when she heard a familiar voice coming from the house and it was getting closer. She froze in her tracks when he finally appeared next to her mother. There they were. Her parents. Both standing close to one another, gazing back at her with some disbelief of her presence at their home. JJ watched as her father took in her presence, somehow looking relieved. She couldn't exactly name the emotion she saw in his eyes. Not that she needed to know. She only had a few last things to say to her family.

''Jennifer.'' Simon stated calmly as he looked at his daughter. He could see she had changed completely. Her expression was tenser, her clothing style professional and casual at the same time. She was not the person he had raised. ''Is there a problem?''

''Actually there is.'' JJ began. ''I just have some questions for you.'' she added hastily, her hands settling on her hip, accidentally revealing the gun at her side.

Simon looked down at the gun, knowing that Amy had told him the truth about JJ's current profession. ''So you're a detective now. How fitting.'' he stated with ease as he saw a flash of anger cross his daughter's face.

''I suspect that Amy has informed you about today's event. So let me start by saying that it doesn't change a thing.'' JJ informed her parents angrily. ''Mom, could I talk to dad in private for a moment?''

Simon turned to his wife who wasn't moving an inch. ''It's okay, Erica.'' he assured his wife. He waited until she was gone when he turned back to JJ. ''What do you need?''

JJ breathed in deeply, preparing herself for the moment she had probably been waiting for nearly six years. ''Aaron, told me everything.'' she told him with satisfaction. ''He told me how you threatened him.'' she went on. ''How could you?''

''I did what was best for this family.'' he stated simply as he stared back at his youngest daughter, feeling his heart clench at the sight of a tear slipping down her face.

''Really? You and mom always talked about what was best for the family, and how…how to protected our family.'' she stumbled. ''But you weren't in the hospital when I woke up. You never visited me. I was shot!'' she croaked out, another tear streaming down her face. ''Adam died and I nearly joined him. Yet you only visited the hospital to threaten someone.'' she continued on, knowing this was the moment to finally let go of her anger and disappointment in the people she was supposed to call family. ''I still remember that day. I can still hear the sounds he made before he took his last breath. Adam's death has been with me every single day.'' she cried out. ''And I just…I…I needed someone to be there for me. I needed my family, but you weren't there. You were never there!'' she sobbed. She pushed her hair behind her ears and watched as her father began to approach her, but she immediately took a step back.

''I never meant for the situation to spiral out of control, Jennifer.'' he said gently. ''I just didn't know how to be there for you anymore. You changed so much when you became a teenager, and I just couldn't handle it.'' he continued on. ''But just because I haven't been there for you, doesn't mean that I don't love you. You're my daughter.''

JJ was about to speak when the sound of her phone caught her off guard. She pulled it from her pocket and immediately picked up the phone when she saw it was Griffen. ''Detective Jareau.'' she greeted.

On the other end of the line, Griffen took a deep breath when he heard her voice. _''JJ, we need you at the station.''_

''What's going on?'' she asked with concern, knowing just by the sound of his voice that something was terribly wrong. ''Griffen?''

''_Just come down here.'' _he insisted gently.

''I'll be there in thirty minutes.'' she whispered before hanging up the phone. She once again stood still, and looked up at her father, no longer knowing what to say to him. ''I have to go.'' she told him and then she turned around without another word and made her way towards her car. She jumped in the car and put the keys in the ignition and drove off, watching her father standing in front of the house, looking at her as she drove away from him.

JJ had hurried through traffic to get to the station. Something told her that it wasn't anything good. She knew Griffen and if he wanted to talk face to face, it was important. So she had rushed through the station and finally stepped onto the floor where she noticed her colleagues waiting for her. Griffen was talking to their Captain, Wesley Evans while Benjamin Morris and Adam Briggs were also in deep conversation. The name of her colleague often brought some difficulty into her life. Hearing the name Adam always reminded her of her brother. She stepped towards the desks and finally noticed the board with evidence and a timeline on it. But that wasn't what caught her eye. She froze in the middle of the station when she recognized the picture of a gun. A picture she had seen thousands of times while she investigated her brother's murder during off duty moments. She knew the evidence by heart and the picture of the left behind gun of her own shooting was hanging on the board of Nicholas Jenkins' murder. So something was incredibly wrong.

She pointed at the picture of the gun. ''That was the gun used to kill my brother.'' she croaked out. ''What is it doing up on the board?'' she asked, hearing the room turn silent, everyone just staring into her direction, not saying a single word. ''Griffen?'' she asked as she turned to him.

Griffen swallowed back the words when he watched their Captain approach JJ, knowing the news would possibly devastate her. ''The fingerprints of the Jenkins' crime scene matched to those of a murder six years ago.'' Evans explained. ''The murder of Adam Jareau.''

JJ stumbled backwards once the words had left her boss' mouth. ''The murders are linked?'' she asked in low voice, trying to keep herself from falling apart. She took a few moments to herself and then forced herself to stay calm. This was a new break in their case, but also one in her brother's murder. Somehow this is what she had been waiting for for several years. ''Morris and Briggs, familiarize yourselves with the file on my brother.'' she ordered and then she turned to Griffen. ''I'll catch you up in person!'' she whispered.

''Detective Jareau!'' Evans interrupted. ''I need a moment with you in my office.''

JJ turned around and faced her Captain. She quickly followed him into his office and watched as he closed the door behind her, leading her to believe the conversation was going to be personal. So she kept standing with her arms folded across her chest.

''I need to assign this case to someone else, Jennifer.'' he said regretfully but it was the best option for everyone involved.

JJ immediately approached his desk, not wanting to believe the words. ''Sir, I need to be on this case. This is my case.''

''JJ, you're too close to this!'' he reminded her. ''I understand the need to solve your brother's murder, but these cases involve your entire family and I can't undermine the integrity of the investigation by assigning you as the lead detective.'' he explained to her. ''Griffen can take over for you.''

''I understand.'' JJ said. ''Sir, I think I need to get away from all of this for a while.''

''You have some vacation days coming up. Use those.'' he insisted.

JJ was on her way to the door when she turned around one last time to face her boss. ''Thank you, sir!'' she said and then she disappeared from his office. She rushed into the small bullpen and made her way towards her desk, grabbing all the files she had on the Jenkins' murder. She quickly put them in her bag and put it on her shoulder, ready to get out of the station. But as she turned around, she was faced with Griffen.

''What happened in there?'' he asked with concern, his hand gently touching her shoulder.

JJ immediately pulled away since she didn't want anyone to know about her relationship with him. ''Nothing. I am going home!''

''Evans pulled you from the case, didn't he?''

JJ shook her head at Griffen. ''I don't want to talk about this right now, Griffen.'' she whispered. ''I'll see you later.'' she said as she started to walk away from him, but his hand on her shoulder pulled her back.

''Griffen, please!'' she pleaded, her voice filled with desperation. ''I need to be alone right now.''

With those words he let her go. He knew JJ had to grieve on her own, but he also knew she'd never be able to back off from a personal case. Especially since it involved her brother. She had seen her brother murdered before her own eyes, and revenge was the most logical option for her.

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><p>After JJ had rushed out of the station, she had begun to drive around town aimlessly. The images of her brother were constantly replaying in her head. She couldn't even process the fact that the murders were linked, that someone had committed two murders. It was an unbelievable coincidence, but most of all it was painful. Yet she felt like she was in a haze somehow. The news hadn't exactly caught up with her yet. Everything still had to sink in. Very often she just felt like her life had been one giant joke. A dramatic one, but still a joke. She had already lost so much, had dealt with so much tragedy, and now it had all come back to her in one single day. Just by being the detective on the Jenkins case, her entire past had returned to her life. Her sister, her parents, Hotch, and the unresolved death of her brother which still affected her every single day. The shooting six years earlier had made her who she was. It had defined her beyond words. And while she dreamed of running away from it all, she suddenly found herself on the very last doorstep she ever expected. When the door opened she was left to wonder if she made the right choice, but she simply knew it was her only choice since she was no longer on the case. She had to do something, so investigating on her own was her only option, but she did need the resources. ''Aaron…'' JJ whispered as she looked at him standing in the doorway of his apartment.<p>

Hotch was surprised to see JJ on the other side to say the least. ''Is everything alright?'' he asked with concern.

''I'm going to need your help.'' she began. ''How do you feel about working together?''


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: When I realized it had been a little over a month since I last updated this story, I started to get back to writing and figuring out the rest of the plot. I have come up with most of it, and hope that I'll be able to give you all more updates quicker. I am so sorry for the long wait!

For those who have read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story, thank you so so much!

Special thanks to jenny crum, Lalina92, Jareau37, jjcrimminds and Snowbeardolphin!

I don't own criminal minds!

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 13<strong>_

JJ had been staring ahead of her blankly while sitting on the couch as Hotch was making them coffee in the kitchen. Her hands were clenched together as she tried to comprehend how the cases could possibly be connected, but she simply had no answer. She had turned over every last piece of evidence in her brother's case. There was just nothing left, until that moment. The knowledge that the cases were connected was terrifying to her. She had never really moved on from the shooting and losing her brother but after two years of losing herself in investigating on her own, she had given up. The need to find her brother's killer had consumed, and had become the reason she lived so after realizing that she had forced herself to try and move forward with her life, never knowing that her past would come back in the form of another murder case.

Hotch approached JJ slowly and put the coffee down on the table before her. She hadn't spoken a word since she asked him to work with her. He didn't even know what had happened for her to show up at his own doorstep.

''Where's Amy?'' JJ asked, breaking the silence between them as she finally looked up at him.

He put down his mug and leaned forward in the chair. ''Amy is staying with a friend until she has found an apartment.'' he explained. ''The separation is finally official and the divorce papers will be signed soon enough.''

JJ had to admit she was surprised that her sister was finally giving up the Hotchner name, along with the power and wealth that came with it. ''Oh, I'm sorry.''

''Don't be. This was a long time coming.'' he continued, watching as JJ was very obviously struggling with her emotions about something. ''JJ, what's going on?''

She breathed in deeply, sitting with her back against the couch, her head still spinning. It felt as if the world was crashing down around her, and she had no control over the damage. ''Fingerprints found at the Jenkins' crime scene were a match to fingerprints found on the gun used to kill Adam.'' she croaked out. ''The murders are connected.''

''Oh JJ, I'm so sorry.'' he breathed out. ''How are you dealing with this?''

She stared back into his eyes, not knowing how to respond to his question. She just didn't know. It was so much more than she could handle. ''I can still remember that day so vividly. Every second of it has been burnt into my head.'' she whispered painfully. ''The only reason I survived was because Adam protected me. He was bleeding to death right in front of me, and I couldn't do anything.''

At the sight of JJ struggling with her emotions, he immediately closed the remaining gap and moved next to her on the couch. ''You almost died, JJ. There was nothing you could've done to prevent the shooting from happening.''

''I…I know.'' she spoke softly. ''I've just never been able to figure out why. Why him? Why us?''

''When did the detectives stop investigating?''

''Uhhm, it was about six months after the murder. They wrote it off as gang violence since there was no indication of robbery or any personal motives.'' she explained. ''Adam's death was the reason I became a cop, Aaron. And my first two years on the force were spent looking into the case, and I became so consumed by it that I was losing myself in it.'' she went on. ''I can't let that happen again, but I also can't do nothing. So I need your help.''

''Of course. Whatever you need.''

''My colleagues think I have taken some time off from work.'' she began. ''So I need this to stay between us. I can't have anyone knowing about this.'' she said clearly. ''I'll probably lose my job over this eventually, but I can't just give up now.''

Hotch was trying to understand everything JJ had just told him. He just didn't want her to throw her life away over a personal vendetta, one that seemed to be awfully dangerous. ''JJ, is this your only option?''

She leaned forward, pushing her hair away from her face to fully look back at him. ''I owe him, Aaron.'' she whispered, her hands suddenly clutched together to keep them from trembling. ''I owe Adam my life. He didn't just take a bullet for me that night, but he was the only person who believed in me, supported me, and loved me for me.'' she sobbed. ''He was my brother and he was killed in the middle of the street. He was left in a pool of his own blood to die.''

''So were you…'' Hotch whispered painfully. ''You almost joined him.''

''Exactly, and this time I will find the person behind this.'' she said angrily as she rose from the couch, facing away from him to try and keep herself together. ''I never could've imagined that this would be my life.''

''JJ, have you been happy?'' he asked. ''I mean, I just…need to know.''

She turned back around with tears in her eyes, facing him again. If anything she was afraid to show him vulnerability. When she knew him years ago, she had known him as a hardened man, but now something seemed different about him. Almost as if he had actually changed. But she couldn't believe anyone that quickly, especially since it felt like her heart was still healing from the pain he had put her through. So she stood across from, wiping away the tears. ''I have tried to be happy.'' she admitted honestly. ''Griffen has been a big part in making me happy. He's been there for me in a way that no one beside Adam ever was.''

Hotch stood up and stepped right before her, taking one of her hands in his. He held it, just staring back into her ocean blue eyes. It was in that moment that he realized how much he had truly missed her. How much he craved to be with her. If only things had been different six years ago. Maybe he would've had a much better life with her by his side, and now…now she belonged with someone else. Someone who had obviously supported her and loved her in a way he never could. ''I'm here now.'' he whispered, but by gazing into her eyes he knew it would never be good enough. There would always be the six year gap between them. The years filled with longing for him, but for JJ probably filled with despair and hopelessness.

JJ gently pulled away from his confusing touch, knowing any type of contact would only cloud her judgment further. She had already chosen a dangerous route to go down. One that could cost her everything she had built in the span of six years. Her friends, her boyfriend, and her career. Although, she didn't exactly know where she and Griffen stood after what had happened in just a day, she still wanted to remain levelheaded. Working with Hotch was only a way to investigate the crimes that had been committed since he had the resources at his law firm. ''Does your office have copies of all the files they sent over to NYPD?'' she asked to break the awkward silence, not responding to what he had just said to her.

''Yes, I'll get them to you tomorrow.'' he responded sadly. ''What else are you going to need from me?''

''Mostly your resources, but also your knowledge of Jenkins' cases.'' she answered. ''I might also need the help of a private investigator to dig up information on certain people since I don't have access the NYPD records. I take it that you still employ PI's?''

Hotch dropped back down to the couch, going through his phone and handing it to JJ. ''That's his number. He works for me personally so he'll be paid by the firm for any work he does.'' he explained. ''I realize you'll insist to pay for it, but don't! Let me do this for you.''

JJ quickly put the number in her phone and handed the other phone back to Hotch. ''I have to get going, but I'll see you tomorrow at Hotchner & Associates.''

''Good night, JJ.'' he whispered as he watched her walk out without another word. It had become clear to him that JJ seemed to have no interest in even a friendship with him. Her sole focus was on the investigation, and he understood that. But deep down he hoped that she still cared for him like she once did. He finally realized he had probably robbed himself of the chance to ever be with her again. And as she had walked away with ease, and that fierceness, he had felt hurt. It wasn't easy for him. Giving up JJ had been his one regret, and now that she was back it only caused turmoil in his life. He couldn't afford to make any mistakes. He had too much too loose to get swept up by her, yet by just seeing her he'd give it all up just to be with her for one night.

* * *

><p>JJ was walking down the hallway, fumbling with her keys as she approached her apartment. But before she could make another step she looked up at Griffen, who was leaning against the wall next to her door, apparently waiting for her to come home.<p>

''Hey, what are you doing here?'' JJ asked curiously as stopped in front of her door. She put the keys in the lock and opened the door, keeping it open for Griffen since she realized he wasn't going to leave without having a conversation.

Griffen followed her inside and closed the door behind him. ''JJ, I know you needed some time to yourself, but I am worried about you.'' he insisted sweetly. ''I know you. Better than anyone. And I know you internalize everything, and you barely talk about your emotions, but it's me. It's just me.''

JJ had faced him after slipping her jacket off of her shoulders and hanging it up. ''I wish that this was easy.'' she began. ''I wish I could walk away from all of this, but I can't.''

''JJ, everything that you've gone through has made you who you are. And the person I am looking at right now is only someone you can be proud of.'' he encouraged.

She smiled at him weakly, putting her arms around his neck and throwing herself into his embrace suddenly. ''You deserve so much better than me, yet I can't let you go.'' she whispered into his ear. ''I love you, Griffen West.''

He tightened his grip around her, feeling bittersweet in that moment. ''That's the first you've ever said that to me.'' he croaked out. ''I love you, JJ. You're the amazing person I've ever met, and I will stand by you through everything and anything. And this moment, this investigation, is only a small fragment of our relationship. We're going to survive this together.''

In his warm and loving embrace, JJ felt herself calm down. She could feel a glimmer of hope return. Hope that maybe she'd survive all of the madness that her life had become. She knew that with Griffen she could get through almost anything.

Yet, as she stayed in his embrace she caught herself thinking of Hotch. It was her worst nightmare to actually feel something for him again. He had an unexplainable power over her. It almost felt like magnetism since they had always been drawn together. Aaron Hotchner had been her undoing once before, and she was afraid he would be again.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: First of all, I would like to apologize for the complete lack of updates. I can't apologize enough for this, and I am so sorry. Unfortunately, I have been dealing with the end of my year in college and it has been busier than I could've imagined. I still have two weeks left and then my holiday starts, and hopefully I can update more often then.

Second of all, a huge amount of thanks to those who have stuck around and have been patient with me!

Special thanks to jjcrimminds, Lalina92, jenny crum and Jareau37!

I don't own criminal minds!

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 14<strong>_

_**Two weeks later…**_

She had surrounded herself with boxes of files that once belonged to Nicholas. Every case he had worked, she had looked through. Every little detail had been stuck in her head, but there was nothing. No lead, no suspicious cases, just nothing. It had been two weeks of overturning every little aspect of his cases. As far she had come to realize, Nicholas Jenkins had no apparent enemies. He had made amazing contributions to the law firm and brought in several high profile clients. Overall he was something who had everything to live for, and his life had been taken in an extremely violent manner. Of course she had seen cases which were much worse, but the personal aspect of this murder made it the worst one yet. Not only was she looking for the killer of Nicholas Jenkins, but she was also searching for the man who shot her brother in cold blood, not to mention herself as well. So the personal was now the only thing driving her, maybe into insanity, but she couldn't care about the risks she was taking. The murder of her brother had been hanging over her for six years, and now she had a chance to close the case and nothing or no one would stop her.

She closed one of the last files, her eyes shifting towards the view of New-York city at night. She rose from the chair and slowly but steadily walked towards the window, her arms folded across her chest. She leaned back against the desk and just stared off into the distance for a moment, her mind wandering for a few peaceful seconds. Her peaceful moment was quickly interrupted by the silhouette of her sister reflecting in the window, yet JJ didn't even bother to turn around when the glass door opened and Amy stepped inside the office.

''What do you want?'' JJ asked coldly, her face tensing up when she heard her sister walking closer to the desk.

Amy stopped in the middle of the office as she looked at JJ's back, but she knew enough from the hostile tension in her voice. This was not going to be pleasant and she never expected it to be. ''I heard you were here, so I came to talk to you.'' she responded politely. ''Hopefully like to two adults.''

JJ huffed and turned, shrugging her shoulders in the process. ''As far as I am concerned I'm the only adult here, because I am not doing this with you, Amy.'' JJ told her strongly. ''We have absolutely nothing to discuss.''

A silence fell between them. And while JJ was hoping to be left alone, Amy was trying to find a way to talk to her sister. To somehow make up for the lost years between them. But even if they would, there was so much more going on than the estrangement from her family. JJ's entire life had been uprooted six years ago and no one could fix that for her.

''You don't have to talk to me. Just listen to what I have to say.'' Amy urged. ''I know you're working with Aaron because he has the resources to fund your own investigation. I get it, JJ.'' she continued on. ''But just be careful of his motives.''

''This is amazing.'' JJ breathed out mockingly. ''After six years you're trying to act like my older sister.''

Amy took a step forwards. ''Yes, I am!'' she agreed angrily. ''I know you had your heart broken by him, but so did I. Before the engagement I loved him, JJ. I believed he was the love of my life, and he broke my heart.'' she went on. ''And I am here to warn you. Aaron admitted to me that he loves you and I can't change that. But I sure as hell can make sure that you aware of how far he'll go to get what he wants.''

''I am aware of the kind of man I'm currently dealing with, Amy. I wasn't born yesterday.''

The emotion in JJ's eyes was what worried Amy even more than before. It made her realize that JJ had a weak spot for the man in question. And she could understand. He was probably the image of what every woman desired. Tall, dark and handsome, wasn't all that he was. He was a rich and powerful lawyer in addition. He had all the trades a woman could possibly want. But she also knew he was overly ambitious, and manipulative when he needed something. She knew him better than anyone after almost six years of an unbearable marriage. ''Do you love him?''

JJ's mouth widened at her sister's question. ''What?''

''Are you in love with him?''

JJ shook her head angrily. ''That has nothing to do with any of this!'' she shot back, making her way towards the door. ''This conversation is over.''

''JJ, listen to me!'' Amy demanded, her voice filled with compassion and anger at once. ''You're playing with fire. What you're doing right now is risky.''

The anger in JJ started to boil. Reaching so far that she could no longer stay civil with the woman who was now supposedly acting in her best interest. She didn't buy it, any of it. So she turned around to face Amy with the anger pushing its way to the surface. ''What I'm doing is of none of your concern.'' she yelled angrily. ''And I'm leaving, now!'' she ended, and then turned back around and walked out of the office without another word. She rushed to the elevators, so many memories coming back to her. But often when she thought of her life six years ago it always seemed to involve Hotch in a way. Although their relationship had been fleeting it had meant everything to her back then.

She stepped forward into the elevator, closing her eyes and letting the memories flood her.

_The hotel room was silent as they stood opposite of one another. This was supposed to be time for them to work. A case had taken them to Chicago and Hotch had insisted that he needed her with him, so she hadn't refused. They were only two weeks into their arrangement, whatever it meant. So far it had been hot hook-ups whenever they both pleased. But JJ was slowly starting to feel something for the man before her. She had no idea how, since she usually couldn't stand his type. She had grown up with lawyers and the life was something she wasn't looking forward to at all, but in that moment she just didn't care at all._

_Hotch retreated to the couch in spacious and luxurious hotel room. He sat down patiently and watched the younger intern like a hawk, his eyes following every move she made. ''Are we done?''_

_JJ turned on her heels with the settlement papers in her hand as she looked right back at him. Her heart fluttered when she noticed his eyes had darkened, almost black. ''Well he agreed to all the terms and you only need to sign the papers.'' she summarized quickly as she made her way to him with the document and a pen in her hand. She handed it to him, and watched as he took them from her._

_He gazed at the papers for a moment but quickly threw them to the side and returned his focus on the blonde right in front of him. He took her hand and pulled her down onto his lap, causing her to straddle him on the couch. He reached out his hand and gently let it slide through the soft curls. Once she was leaning in and kissing him deeply any patience he had left was gone. _

_In a frenzy, she kissed him back as passionately as ever. Their limbs were tangled on the couch, clothes shed, and their desires once again fulfilled like the dozens of times before over the span of just two weeks._

The sound of the elevator reaching the ground floor forced JJ out of her dreaming state. She squeezed her purse tightly and walked through the lobby of the enormous building, ready to go home and get the sleep she so desperately needed. She quickly got into a cab and stared out the window all the way back to her apartment. The weight on her shoulders had never felt heavier, and at nighttime it only felt worse. It was like all of her demons dared to resurface when she was completely alone. But when she stepped into her apartment she felt a smile appear on her face when she noticed Griffen sitting on her couch.

She dropped her coat onto the closest chair and dropped down next to him on the couch with a sigh. ''It's good to see you.'' she whispered lovingly, her head coming to rest on his shoulders as her eyes fell upon a case file that lay on her coffee table. ''I didn't think you'd come by until tomorrow.''

Griffen pressed a kiss to her forehead and took the case file, opening it slowly. ''I missed you too, JJ.'' he whispered gently. ''But I came here about the case because I don't want to keep you in the dark even though we were ordered to do so.''

''I tried to trace the gun used in Adam's murder, but the serial number had been filled off. And I couldn't find ballistics match in the NYPD database.'' he began.

JJ nodded. ''I came across the same problem years ago.''

''But, we did find a new lead.'' he introduced as he took a photo from the folder. It showed a blurry figure walked out of an apartment building. ''This man was seen knocking on Nicholas' door several times in the weeks before his death.'' he explained. ''We weren't able to identify him, but Briggs and Morris are still working on it.''

''Okay,'' JJ breathed out, looking down at the picture. She stared at it intently, and then it hit her, she had seen his face before. She had dealt with him in a case before but he hadn't been put into the system. He was only a low level drug dealer at the time. She had never thought about him since the case four years ago. He had been a witness in a theft and wasn't the smartest drug dealer she had ever met, so she had cut him some slack at the time. Now she realized she had to find him since he was the only person who could possibly have answer about the two cases. So she kept her mouth shut, not mentioning to Griffen that she actually knew because she was going to pursue it on her own when she could. ''Thank you for telling me.''

''JJ, I love you.'' he told her affectionately. ''I'm here for you through this time and I'll be honest with you. I couldn't stand to lie to you. Especially not about this.''

JJ breathed in deeply, pulling away from him and just looking at him. With Griffen, she was safe and loved. He made her feel unlike anyone ever had in her life. He was almost surreal. And in that moment she felt that she didn't deserve him at all. He was risking everything to be with her, and she didn't know how she could ever repay him. And as much as loved him, the need to catch her brother's killer overpowered it all. It had consumed six years of her life, and she finally had found some hope, and she wasn't about to let it slip away from her. If she had the chance to close the case and catch the killer, she would do it above anything else, even her own happiness.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: So here's the next chapter. No apology will be good enough for the amount of time it took me to update this story. All I can say is thank you to those who have read, followed, favorited and reviewed this story!

Special thanks to jenny crum, chen88212, Jareau37, jjcrimminds, Snowbeardolphin and guest!

I don't own criminal minds!

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 15<strong>_

The apartment was completely silent as she prepared herself for the night. Something she least expected she'd be doing. But just like everything else in her life, it was unsuspected. So she came to a stop in front of her full length mirror, her hands smoothing down the short dress that hugged her curves tightly in all the right places. The burgundy dress had been hiding in her closet for years until that moment. Somehow it seemed that she had forgotten that she could actually dress up differently and still look beautiful. She had grown accustomed to the jeans and blazers due to her work. And this felt like stepping out of her comfort zone, but it was something she was definitely willing to do. She slowly stepped into her black high heels and breathed in deeply, attempting herself to prepare for what was about come. She turned around grabbing her purse off the edge of her bed before walking into the living room. The sight of her badge and gun immediately got her attention. For a moment she stared at the objects that were a representation of the job that had become her life. Being a detective was the one thing in life she was sure of, and in a way she felt like she was betraying everything she believed for a personal vendetta. She took her gun and badge from the table and put them into her purse. Without further hesitation she exited her apartment and quickly made her way out onto the pavement.

* * *

><p>A few feet away Hotch was approaching JJ's apartment building in a luxurious convertible. As he got closer he felt his breath hitch in his throat, realizing JJ was standing on the pavement before her building. He couldn't even describe how amazingly stunning she looked. The dress showed off her fit and tight body while the heels added to her shapely legs. He had to constantly remind herself to keep his distance because they both needed it, especially JJ. He only wished he was picking her up for a real date, instead of what they had planned together. Of course he didn't mind spending more time in her company, but the more he saw her the harder it was to be around her and not be with her. She just wasn't his for the taking and probably never would be again.<p>

So he forced himself to make peace with that thought as he stopped the car close to her. He opened the door and walked towards her. ''You look beautiful.'' he complimented in a breathless whisper as he offered his hand to lead her around the car. He noticed that she was completely silent so he continued on by opening the door for her.

JJ looked up into his eyes as he closed the door to the passenger's side. ''Thank you.''

''No thanks needed.'' he assured before hurrying back to the driver's seat. He started the car and drove off quickly.

In the moment they were both enjoying the silence while they stole some glances as the other looked away. The tension was definitely rising between them, and JJ didn't know how much longer she could hold onto the ability to fight her feelings, or at least him. She had always been consumed by his presence when she was younger. Now it didn't seem to be any different. As much as she had resented him and tried to hate him, being around him was unbearable because she had to fight every fiber of her being to stay faithful to another man that she really did love. In a way she had already been blurring the lines by investigating on her own without Griffen knowing about it. But the fact that Hotch was supporting her made it worse. Although Griffen didn't know a lot about their relationship, JJ knew he had every right to be upset if he ever did find out what she was doing behind his back.

She was quickly pulled from her thought when they pulled up to the club. The street was crowded, people waiting to get in. She got out of the car and was about to walk to the end of the line when she noticed Hotch was walking to the front.

She turned around. ''Where are you going?''

''I pulled some strings to get us in.'' he said, realizing JJ had no idea how easy it was for him to use his name to get what he needed. He had been used to it most of his life, and he had never thought if living life any differently. He stopped right in front of the bouncer when JJ stepped next to him. ''Aaron Hotchner.'' he stated. ''She's my plus one.'' he added as he pointed to JJ.

JJ hastily looped her left arm around his as he led her into the club. She could feel eyes turn their way and it made her feel like they were a couple during a night out on the town. But she quickly reminded herself that she there only for the investigation. So she took charge and pulled Hotch with her into one of the restrooms. She locked the door behind her and put her purse on the counter, turning to face him.

''You have to take off your shirt.'' she ordered, her voice softening as he stared back at her with confusion. ''I need to put the wire underneath your shirt.'' she explained, watching as he looked at her with a grin on his face. She turned around when he had begun unbuttoning his shirt, and her cheeks began to flush. The tension and chemistry between them was undeniable and she was fighting it with every ounce of strength she possessed. Giving into him meant possibly losing her way again. But the thought of betraying Griffen was her strongest motivator to keep a distance from Hotch. She swallowed one last time and turned back around. Her eyes were met with the hard planes of a muscular upper body. His body was toned, his arms incredibly strong and it made her swallow once more.

Hotch had taken note of her obvious struggle, but acted oblivious in order to keep JJ as comfortable as possible. The entire situation was draining his willpower. He wanted nothing more than to give into his desires and be with her. But unlike six years ago, he had actually grown a conscious. Going after JJ now would only drive them further apart than they had ever been. Now, he had the chance to make up for his wrongdoings and he'd take every opportunity that JJ would hand him.

JJ took the wire from her purse and gently taped it to Hotch's chest. ''You can button your shirt now.'' she said with some difficulty. ''I need you to get Richie to incriminate himself when you buy the drugs from him, and then try to get him out into the alley. I'll be waiting for you there.''

''Why can't you come with me?''

''Because he'll recognize me. Besides I need leverage against him in order to make him talk about his visits to Nicholas' apartment and the threat of a drug charge might just do that.'' she explained quickly. ''It's all going to be fine!'' she whispered reassuringly before leaving the restroom. She pushed herself through the crowd until she reached the exit into the back alley. She settled against the cold wall and turned the mic so she could listen to Hotch closely. She could hear the music beating over the equipment and soon enough he was buying the drugs and convincing Richie to follow him out into the alley.

JJ prepared herself, pulling out her gun when the door opened to keep Richie from thinking about escaping. But as the door opened, the sounds of sirens caught her attention and soon enough she saw the familiar car of her partner pulling up into the alley followed by two more cars. She secured the gun on her hip, pulling an unsuspecting Richie with her. She quickly cuffed him and pushed him up against the wall.

She looked at Hotch who returned her gaze with concern. ''Don't worry, it'll be fine. I can handle this.'' she reassured as Griffen began to walk up to them.

JJ took a few steps back as she made eye contact with Griffen, who looked angrier than she had ever seen him. ''I can explain this…'' she tried to say, but he immediately interrupted her.

''Really? Can you even tell me what this is?'' he asked furiously.

Hotch felt like he had to step in to defend JJ, but the look on JJ's face told him to stay out of it, so he kept to himself as he stood on the sidelines.

''I've been trying to make this work!'' Griffen continued on. ''And you've been spending all of your time with him. Why?''

JJ shook her head, the tears beginning to build up. ''I couldn't sit by and do nothing, Griffen.''

''I get it. But why him?'' he said, pushing JJ to get more answers. ''Do you have feelings for him?''

''No! No, I don't.'' JJ said quickly. ''I uhh…I don't know.'' she said, the defeat present in her expression.

Griffen shook his head, not knowing what to do next. ''JJ, I love y…'' he said, but stopped when the all too familiar of a gunshot rang through the air. Everything immediately began to blur as more shots filled the air. The sounds of panic surrounded them, but for him it was quickly over when he felt a moment of intense heat sear through him, and then the pain sank in. His legs gave in and he stumbled to the ground, clutching the wound close to his heart.

JJ was barely registering what was happening. Shots were being fired, but there was no shooter in her sight. She had retrieved her gun, but within seconds of the first shot ringing she was being pushed to the ground by Hotch. She was lying flat on the cold ground, her eyes flying over to Griffen, who all of a sudden was falling to the ground.

She quickly managed to escape Hotch's grasp and within a moment she was at Griffen's side, clutching his hand as she searched for the wound. ''Griffen?'' she whispered. ''No, no, no.'' she cried out in despair, her hands pushing down on the wound. The blood was rushing past her fingers, and any concern for getting shot herself had gone out the window. Her sole focus was on the man bleeding out before her. The man she loved, and adored.

Griffen could feel JJ's presence as he fought to breath, every second intensifying the pain that shot through him like a knife. He forced his eyes open to see the beautiful blonde hovering above him. ''JJ…'' he said, his voice hoarse and low.

''Don't speak, Griffen. Save your energy.'' she ordered. ''You have to be okay. We are not done. I…I…love you.''

''Love you too.'' he whispered gently, his eyes closing as those final words passed his lips.

The tears had begun streaming down JJ's face, her body shivering as she kept pressure on his wound. Behind her, she heard voices speak and rush toward her. She only realized it were the paramedics when she was being pulled away from him. First, she struggled to stay in place but when she realized Hotch had folded his arms around her waist and was keeping her away, she began to give in. Her body weakened and she formed a puddle in his arms.

Her eyes followed every move the paramedics made, everything little thing that happened. This wasn't what she had planned. It wasn't what they had planned. Everything had gone irreversibly wrong and she didn't know how to fix it. There was no way it was over.


End file.
