Beyblade 1. Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking

**-REUPLOAD (Because I finally found those missing chapters 7 and 8! Yeah bitch!)**

Thanks to Miraijin on A03 for bringing this story up at the right time, because of that comment I took a chance and looked for the missing chapters again and came up successful!

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**A Tendency to Start Fires**

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**One**

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Tala sat outside by the pool watching his two children splashing around and laughing as they played, it was a hot day in Japan as it was usually. He sipped his strawberry smoothie and looked to his best friend sitting beside him,

"I'm a little tired of Japan." He stated softly.

Max Tate, a 21 year old sound engineering student, smiled at Tala's distant expression and leaned forward in his chair,

"It's the heat…I don't think you'll ever get used to it."

The two friends were sitting at the patio table in one part of the large Hiwatari mansion next to the pool, it was a Friday afternoon, 22 December and Tala missed the snow that suited this time of year so well.

Tala was 23 years old and married to Kai Hiwatari, the very well-known billionaire and business man, they had two kids together aged 4 and 5.

Tala hadn't seen Kai since February that year.

"So when last did you hear from Kai?" Max asked.

"Last week sometime…he usually calls once a week…just making sure we're still alive I assume." Tala commented bitterly and looked at his two boys.

Kairan is 5, he's the first born and looks the splitting image of Kai, only with blue eyes and Mika is 4, he's the splitting image of Tala, right down to his eyes being a cyan blue and his hair being a blood red. Kairan was a vibrant and happy child, always smiling and Mika was the opposite, somewhat broody but both kids were very attached to Tala.

"Doesn't he miss the kids?" Max asked feeling sad for Tala.

"He says so…" he paused and looked at Max, "…they don't really know him you know, sure they know what he looks like from pictures, but other than that…" he shook his head.

"Mika…stop trying to let the air out of the float…" Tala shouted seeing the tiny boy fiddling with the seal as he sat by the pool side wet and very pale, his wet short hair sticking flat to his head.

Mika looked back to his father and put the float down, it was four times his size but light, he stood up and ran over to where Kairan was sitting on the pool steps in the water and he jumped on him starting a wrestling match in the shallow end.

"How could he not miss them Tala…" Max commented watching the children laugh and struggle with one another.

"Last time he was here, in January, I remember that Mika wouldn't go near him because he didn't know who he was. Kairan was a little better but still not really welcoming…and Kai isn't exactly one to push for affection."

Max blinked,

"So why did he want kids, I'll never understand, you two were what…18, when he told you he wanted kids…then you had the operation and you two conceived…the second time was the same, you didn't object after Kairan, you said okay and did it all over again Tala, but why when you knew Kai wasn't very…you know…" he stared at his friend.

Tala held back tears,

"I love him…he wanted to have children and I agreed because it was what he wanted, and with Kairan at first he was so attentive…to Kairan and…to…me…" he looked at his hands and a breeze came around with a chill in the air.

Max looked sad now as he watched Tala's delicate features highlighted by the wind and the sun's rays, Tala was so beautiful, Kai was lucky.

"You miss him…" Max said obviously, "…you miss…being…with him."

Tala shook his head lightly,

"9 months…without him…I need Kai, emotionally…physically…I'm breaking down, It's the longest his been away so far but every time is hard." He said just audibly.

"It makes me wonder…doesn't he…need…you too?" Max looked suspicious and angry.

Tala swallowed his worry,

"I try not to think about that…" he dismissed the subject.

A moment later he smiled somewhat cheerfully,

"What are you and Hillary doing for Christmas, I mean you're American so the holiday means something to you like it does to me." Tala questioned.

"Yeah, but Hillary seems excited about doing the Christmas thing despite not growing up with it you know, plus because she's pregnant she's just happy about everything." Max grinned.

Tala smiled happily,

"That's great." He said genuinely, "You're baby is gonna be so good looking!" he grinned too.

Max laughed,

"What are you guys doing, will Kai be here?" he asked but was doubtful as it was three days away.

"I don't know if he'll be here… I'm not holding my breath that's for sure. About Christmas though, yeah, I bought decorations and stuff last year so I'll put those up. Kai doesn't believe in Christmas, so he wouldn't be enthusiastic about it anyway." Tala looked at his smoothie with indifference.

"And Kairan and Mika, what's their take?"

"Well, I was told after Kairan was born that he wouldn't have religion, so Mika has the same rule which doesn't really bother me I guess, but Kai accepted the tradition of it because he thinks it's pointless to deny the kids goodies and gifts at any time." Tala rolled his eyes.

Max laughed,

"Yeah well…"

"I remember when we still lived in Russia, Kai and myself, it was just before I had the operation to have Kairan and Kai spent Christmas at my house with my parents and stuff. It was so funny how he enjoyed himself even though he didn't want to go in the first place…that year was when he bought me the Jaguar…" Tala smiled remembering the key he was given to a brand new shiny silver car.

Max frowned,

"You still have it?"

"Of course…" he answered with a dull look on his face.

"Daddy!" Mika ran and leapt into Tala's lap, "Kairan wants to put a crawly on me!" he shouted frantically and clung to Tala.

Tala felt the wetness from Mika on his clothes and he sighed and laughed as Kairan pulled tongues at Mika as he walked over with his fist balled as if he were holding something.

"You're a scardey baby…" he said mockingly.

Mika just clung more to Tala as Kairan raised his hand,

"I'll throw it on you…" he teased.

Tala became irritated when Mika started sobbing,

"Enough…inside…it's bath time." He ordered.

Kairan pouted,

"Aw! But its early daddy." He whined.

"Inside…" Tala raised his eyebrows.

As he suspected when Kairan relaxed his hand it was empty and the boy walked inside, Kairan wasn't brave enough to pick up insects and critters, Kai was afraid of bugs too. He stood up with Mika in his arms, little pale arms and legs wrapped around him firmly.

Max stood,

"I'll head home, let you sort out your kiddies…I'll call you later okay." Max walked with Tala inside.

"Yeah alright…" Tala said as they walked through the house.

They reached the front door and Max opened it,

"See ya' soon Mika…" he touched Mika's nose with his finger as Mika kept his head to Tala's chest and neck, "… bye Kairan!" he shouted into the house knowing Kairan would hear him.

"Bye Uncle Max!" they heard the tiny voice shout from the lounge.

Tala's eyes shot open,

"Kairan, if you're sitting on the sofa in your bathing suit…!" he shouted the unsaid threat.

Then they heard little footsteps on wood as they assumed he'd run upstairs.

"Okay, I'll see you Max, bye." Tala said finally.

Max gave Tala a quick cheek to cheek mock kiss and whispered a final bye to a silent Mika and then left, Tala closed the door after him.

Letting out an exhausted sigh he made his way upstairs carrying his four year old.

He reached the shared bedroom of his sons and saw Kairan sitting on the floor playing with his toys, Tala put Mika down and Mika followed him to the bathroom in their room.

"Mika, go play while I run the water…" Tala told him.

Mika sobbed and his tiny hand held onto Tala's jeans,

"No…daddy, carry me…" he whined.

Tala was irritated,

"No…you're too big to be carried, go play…"

"Dad…dy…" Mika started sobbing louder.

Tala breathed to calm himself as he watched the round tub fill with water and he turned and picked Mika up again, he knew Mika was tired now so he would be difficult. He walked back into their bedroom,

"Kairan, take your bathing suit off before you get sick…"

Kairan did as told and threw it on the ground before sitting naked on the carpeted floor and playing again. Tala was getting out clothes from their drawers and with some difficulty as Mika hung onto him.

He dropped the once folded clothes onto Kairan's bed near the window and then walked back into the bathroom,

"Come Kairan…" he called.

Kairan grabbed some toys in his arms and wobbled into the bathroom after Tala who was taking Mika's little shorts off, the water was nice and warm and Kairan jumped in with all his toys. Tala then lifted Mika and put him in the bath and the two played…splashed and messed while Tala sat and waited for their ten minutes of bath play time.

Once it was up he washed them, getting soaked in the process by their fidgeting but none of this was new to him. He then let the water out and wrapped a towel around each of them and lifted them out of the bath.

They walked hand in hand into the bedroom, Mika and Kairan on either side of Tala using their one little hand to hold their towels on. Once in the bedroom, Tala who was wet, sticky and had bubbles in his hair, dried their little bodies and then let them dress, which took a while considering how they wanted to procrastinate about putting their clothes on the right way.

Once they were dressed in their PJ's and had bed slippers on, Mika was now even groggier and again Tala had to carry him while Kairan rushed downstairs. Tala went to his bedroom and took out a dry T shirt and pulled it over his head while Mika clung to his jeans, rubbing his little blue eyes.

He then picked Mika up and walked downstairs to the kitchen where he made them something to eat, keeping his patience as Mika whined and groaned and sobbed and nagged between being put down and picked up and moved from arm to arm.

Tala eventually pulled together a macaroni dish with lots of cheese as his kids were fond of cheese. He dished into bowls for them, still carrying Mika and then he called Kairan.

After a good ten minutes and three more shouts Kairan ran into the kitchen and Tala handed him his bowl and blunt fork, plastic so if it fell and broke Kairan wouldn't be hurt.

He then walked to the lounge with Mika and his food in the free hand, he sat down on the three seater sofa, and Kairan was sitting in the single seater where Kai used to sit. Kairan was eating and trying not to mess as he watched the plasma screen TV with interest, Cartoon Network being his favorite.

Mika sat now next to Tala and ate, also neatly as Tala had taught them to try their best not to mess. Tala sat in silence watching the cartoons and watching his children as they ate. Once they finished, they followed Tala to the kitchen where he cleaned their hands and mouths and then they went to watch television again and Tala was glad Mika was interested in TV now.

Every day wasn't exactly like this, Mika wasn't always clingy and some days Kairan was the difficult one and was jealous of Mika seeking Tala's attention. Kairan was different to Mika, he didn't cry unless he was really upset or he got hurt, otherwise he sulked when upset and Tala hated seeing that pout and sulk. Mika was however the clingier one and often followed Tala and most days was naggy and niggly.

He stood in the doorway and watched his children sitting and watching cartoons, sitting next to each other, Kairan occasionally pointing and telling Mika something he obviously knew that his younger brother didn't.

* * *

It was nine pm when Tala carried a sleeping Mika upstairs and Kairan, sleepy now, followed behind, his little tired legs climbing the stairs. Inside their room Tala tucked Mika into his bed and Kairan crawled into his untidily and lied there. Their beds were about a meter and a half apart in the large room. Tala switched on the large night light in the room near the door and switched off the bedroom light.

Their room was typical for their age, toys, children's books, the walls a soft blue color and the curtains a darker blue. It was originally Kairan's room but when Mika was born Tala didn't want them sleeping in separate rooms until they were older so he insisted on Mika and Kairan sharing a room.

Tala walked into the children's bathroom remembering Kai smiling and saying okay when he insisted, Tala also refused nanny's and helpers which Kai accepted too.

Tala cleaned the large bathroom and tidied the room and then he tightened all the taps firmly and switched on the dim lamp that was built into the wall, in case they needed the bathroom in the middle of the night.

He then tucked them into bed properly, pulling the blankets over them and kissing them on their cheeks, hearing their calm breathing. Mika's covers were all red; it was his favorite color, like Kairan's were all blue.

He closed their bedroom door and walked downstairs, tidying as he went along and then he cleaned the kitchen and dishes after eating. After everything was done it was just after ten and Tala locked up and switched off everything in the huge house methodically as he did each night.

He then walked into his…and Kai's…bedroom and he slowed down, moving at a tired pace, he undressed and had a steaming hot shower and then he walked out of the in suite bathroom with a towel round his waist. He dressed in a baggy T shirt and boxer briefs, dried his hair and climbed into bed after eleven.

He would have to be up at about seven as that was the time Kairan and Mika usually woke up, Max hadn't called but Tala never really expected him too, after all he had a pregnant wife to see to. He lied in his bed, thinking of when he was pregnant, Kai would dote and worry and smother him with affection, before he was pregnant, Kai was similar…after Kairan, Kai was never home.

Tala rolled onto his side, feeling the silk sheets against his skin and remembering Kai's touches, kisses and the way he felt and smelled.

Tala felt his body ache with need as tears lined his eyes but he didn't want to cry, he cried the night before for the same reasons and he felt so pathetic and worse afterwards.

He drifted to sleep close to twelve, thoughts running through his mind about everything and whether he'd done everything his day required of him before his sleep took over.

* * *

**3 am**

Tala rolled over from the center of the king size bed to the side where the phone was ringing; he picked it up and leaned on his elbow,

"Y..ea…" he answered.

"Hey Tala…"

Tala sat up slowly and smiled,

"Hey baby…" he sounded breathless.

"I'm sorry if I woke you…" Kai said sounding distant but he always did on the phone.

"It's okay…what's up, is something wrong why are you calling at..." he glanced at his bedside clock, seeing it was a few minutes after 3, "...three am?" Tala was a little worried.

"Well it's only like after eight pm here in the states, I'm sorry, I'll call tomorrow…"

"No!" Tala shook his head, "…no it's okay, I don't mind you calling, what…uh, what are you up to?" it had been almost a week since Kai had called last.

"Just sitting in the hotel room…bored…how are the kids?" he sounded so dull.

Tala rubbed his eyes that felt sandy,

"They're alright…Mika was a little clingy again tonight…" he said making conversation.

"Oh…well you can handle it, I know you're great with them…"

"Yeah…" Tala said in a sigh.

"How are you, baby?" Kai asked sounding a little softer now.

"I'm…missing you…" he answered as tears formed in his eyes.

"Well…I miss you all too…but I have good news…" he was still speaking softly.

Tala wanted to ask why but was more interested in the good news,

"What's that?"

"I'll be home for Christmas, as they say…" he laughed dryly.

Tala's face lit up,

"Really? Oh my god that's great!" he said and jumped in the bed.

"Yeah, I'll be home tomorrow night, the American's are big on Christmas so the holidays are free, so if everyone is home I have no work to do, so I'll spend it with you guys."

Tala could hear Kai was smiling and he smiled too,

"I'm…so happy…" Tala was crying slightly.

"Don't cry babe, okay…I'll see you real soon…" Kai reassured.

Tala nodded unnecessarily,

"Okay…" he sniffed.

"Alright, you get back to sleep…tell the kids I love them…and I love you Tala." He said and the affection was so clear in his voice.

Tala smiled and wiped his cheeks dry with his hand,

"I love you too…"


	2. Grazed Knees

** Two**

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Tala hadn't slept after the phone call from Kai and he lay awake in the large cold bed even as the sun started to reveal light through the edges of the curtaining. He knew that about a half an hour from then his two kids, in any order, would come through the door which he left open when he slept at night.

Pushing the silk sheets down from his shoulders, he sat up and rubbed his face in exhaustion, it was no good that he hadn't slept, because Kai would home that night and he was going to have lines under his bright blue eyes.

All at once Tala started smiling, a soft change against his white skin and his ears felt the slight burn of excited tears. 9 months. 9 long months and finally he would get to see his husband again. Kai and Tala had been legally married in Europe years ago when they still lived there, it had been small and personal and quite literally one of Tala's fondest memories.

Kai had been decked out in a black tuxedo, the likes of which he didn't favor and a silk white scarf around his neck, he'd told Tala day after day when the occasion crept up to them, he would do anything to see Tala smiling when they were married including wear a tux.

And he had. Small and personal but perfect, held in a beautiful snow laced garden, a court minister had said the general words for legal marriage and they'd signed their certificates and shared a warm kiss. Tala Ivanov-Hiwatari.

It still made him feel odd since he'd never really seen himself married like a woman to take the man's last name. But Kai had wanted that legal binding of their relationship. He'd always been insistent when he wanted something.

It had been an evening event and they were wrapped up in suits and scarves and drinking warming liquids while only their closest friends and Tala's immediate family had attended.

Kai had told Tala he loved more times than Tala was able to count that evening.

He realized after a moment that he was daydreaming, staring at the far wall and looked at the white gold ring on his finger, Kai had chosen the simple ring, knowing Tala was never fond of jewelry to begin with, he'd wanted something that could be worn with comfort. He'd gotten that right as well. Tala simply loved the plain white gold band with Kai's words of love engraved on the inside. Kai's ring was almost the same except a bit thicker since he didn't mind jewelry.

They had known each other so well.

Now he didn't know much of Kai's eating habits, sleeping habits…whether he still enjoyed the same things. They'd grown up and probably apart since there was more distance between them than anything else.

He sighed and used his thumb to move the ring around his finger idly as he leaned back against the large wood ornate head board, staring at the dark sheets lying over his body.

Tala worried about whether he and Kai would still be…compatible.

God knew he loved Kai with every fiber of his body…but what about Kai?

Before his mind could go back to thinking about Max's words from the day before about whether Kai 'needed' Tala, he heard the sound of small rushing footsteps in the hall and he smiled weakly when he turned to look at the one half of the two doors that was open.

Walking into the room, little hands planted themselves on the door and peeked inside, Kairan's dark blue eyes focused on Tala and he smiled naughtily despite his innocent intentions, he had a rather naughty face as it was.

Tala smiled at him as well,

"Hey kiddo." he said as the boy ran up to the bed and jumped onto it,

"Morning daddy." he said and as he usually did, he crawled under the blankets and snuggled into Tala's side.

Kairan was meant to have started school already but Tala had put it off for a year since he knew that if he went ahead and made any decisions about that Kai would not be happy if he disagreed with some part of it. Thinking of that, he realized that Kai's coming home at this time was a good thing for making decisions for the following year before Kai…left again.

His face fell and he closed his eyes, his arm laying along the side of Kairan's still form, he lifted it and started running his thin fingers through the short blue and slate colored hair affectionately, Kairan's head rolled over so he was looking at Tala, feeling the fingers in his short hair and he shifted to lay on Tala's stomach,

"You okay dad?" he stared at Tala as if he could just tell Tala was distracted.

Tala looked down at him,

"Hm? Oh…yeah I'm fine." he smiled.

"Daddy…" Mika whined as he found his way into the room, seeing Kairan there already always upset him and Tala saw his face fall into upset as he frowned like he might start crying.

"Come 'ere." Tala smiled at him and wiggled the fingers on both his hands as he sat up, Kairan smiling as well as he watched his father call Mika over with wiggling fingers.

Mika couldn't help smiling as he rushed over and jumped onto the bed, his arms reaching out to Tala's outstretched arms and he crawled over Kairan to wrap his arms around Tala's neck in a hug, settling himself in Tala's lap,

"Hey…" Kairan complained half heartedly as Mika's socked feet where in his face and he rolled off Tala and flopped around on the bed.

Tala took Mika's head off his shoulder and held the small face lightly in one hand,

"Hey, no crying today okay, your gonna be a good boy." he said with a smile looking at his younger son's bright blue eyes and determinedly frowning face as he sat in his lap.

"Mika's a cry baby." Kairan teased and Mika stuck his head back against Tala's shoulder and Tala gave Kairan a weak glare and the boy did purse his lips in a childish attempt at a sorry, his eyes looking around the canopy of the four poster bed.

Tala one hand was idly holding and rubbing Mika's back while with the other he rubbed his tired eyes again.

"Okay guys…listen up." he huffed and detached his clingy 4 year old from his neck, tickling him in order to get his little jaw like arms to wriggle and try to stop Tala from tickling him, he then let Mika fall onto his back and roll on the bed like Kairan was, their head almost colliding but Kairan got up and started tickling Mika again.

This caused little fits of high pitched laughter and screams that made Tala's ears hurt, so after minute and seeing that all too familiar irritation on Mika's face, he was ready to start crying, Tala grabbed Kairan and pulled him off his little brother,

"Alright enough of that." he said sternly and Kairan just complied and moved to sit against the head board like Tala had been doing, Mika simply sat up and glared at Kairan who had that naughty look on his face.

"Listen." Tala looked between them and they stared at him, "…Your papa is coming home, Kai is coming home." he added the name because even though he often referred to Kai as papa when looking at pictures and such, he knew the children didn't ever really say it aloud, so they knew him as Kai, the man who was their other father, parent.

As they got older they'd be taught more of the situation and the differentiation, which wasn't much, but right now they only needed the basics.

The both stared at him and Kairan managed to smile, since he remembered Kai a bit clearer,

"For Christmas? Are we gonna go toy shopping dad?" he got onto his knees on the bed and bounced once or twice.

It hurt Tala that the most excitement Kairan attached to Kai was toys and being spoilt…but then again, that was all Kai did when he was home, he tried to compensate for the lack of being a hands on parent with all the happiness he could buy.

He'd even started doing it for Tala.

Remembering how Kai had spent so much on buying him gifts and taking him out when last he had been there on Valentines, it was like all Kai knew how to do.

Tala sighed again, too many times for one morning,  
"Aren't you excited to see him?" Tala asked and reached out to take Mika's hand from his mouth because he was biting his nails, a habit he sometimes took too when he was confused.

Kairan just nodded vaguely, answering as correctly as he could under the circumstances, he knew Kai was his parent so saying no didn't make sense, truthfully, it hardly mattered to the five year old.

Mika barely seemed to understand who 'Kai' was, since he was so attached to Tala that even when Kai was there he didn't care to be around him much.

Max was there every second day and Mika didn't even really pay attention to him.

It was going to be difficult.

* * *

But he needed to prepare, he had groceries in the house but only basic stuff since he hardly cared to cook and make fancy foods, he usually only kept the stuff that the children ate and then lots of coffee and hot chocolates, sweets he had in abundance too. But Christmas was coming up so he'd need to get more stuff and some alcoholic beverages as well, Vodka was low in the house and Kai was partial to at least one shot every night if he recalled, Tala himself wasn't big on Vodka…but he loved chocolate liquors.

He hummed quietly to himself as he opened and closed the many cupboards in the large kitchen, checking the silver containers that held cereal's and such on top of the marble counters. Checking the double fridge which was frighteningly empty…Tala really wasn't a home body, or at least a kitchen body.

He heard Mika shouting at Kairan about shutting up, he didn't like he's children saying shut up,

"Hey Mika, none of the shut up business!" he shouted as he scribbled down some more stuff on the yellow writing pad, making a list of everything he needed to get.

"But daddy!" he whined but didn't say anything else.

"Kairan leave him alone!" Tala shouted again and turned over a page to continue listing, taking the pencil to his chin as he tapped it there, trying to think of anything else.

"Fruit…" he mumbled, Kai like cherries for smoothies and he liked strawberries and-, "…cream…" he scribbled it down and his mind all at once stopped.

He remembered why Kai like fresh cream and chocolate sauce, he couldn't help the redness that tainted his face very lightly but it didn't last long because all at once his concerns about sex flooded back to his mind, what Max had said, what Tala himself often tried not to but always thought about. He rested his elbows on the counter and his face in his hands, breathing deeply and his fingers awkwardly tensed around the pencil still in his hand.

He didn't know what to think…was Kai faithful to him?

"Dad." Tala dragged his hands off his face and looked down at Kairan standing just behind him,

"Hm?" he made the noise as he managed a small smile.

"Can we go visit uncle Max, I want to play with Rascal." he asked very nicely.

Rascal being Max's and Hillary's Alsatian pup they'd bought months ago since Hillary liked the idea of having a pet for her baby, since she grew up that way with a pet that had been in the family for ages.

Kai hated animals, so he disagreed with the idea before they'd even had kids.

But this question helped Tala to realize something,

"Oh…no Kairan, we cant go over there today, we have to get ready for when papa comes tonight." he informed but intended to call Max and Hillary, deciding he'd meet them for lunch at least and tell them the news after he'd been grocery shopping.

Kairan pulled on Tala's loose track pants, which he'd put on when he got out of bed, and made his own stubborn little face,

"But I don't want to…"

"Kairan." Tala said sternly and with deep frown he stomped out of the kitchen.

Tala left the list on the counter in the kitchen where he'd remember to take it before they left, he followed Kairan into the large lounge where he was sulking in Kai's couch with his little arms over his chest. Tala smiled at the sight, definitely Kai's child, his hair was much shorter than Kai's but it would no doubt grow out much like his father's as he aged, for now the front was short and spiked and the back was the same length whereas Kai's front hair was long enough to hang into his face and the back was kept short.

Mika's hair was the color of Tala's except also short and cropped to a short length on his head, but also spiky.

"Upstairs you two, time to get changed." he said with a smile still on his face, he loved his kids. Mika was still trying to aim the spoon full of cereal into his mouth as watched the TV when he looked at Tala and the spoon dropped all of the cereal back into the bowl.

Kairan just pushed himself off the seat and crossed his arms again as he went out of the lounge and stomped up the wooden stairs.

* * *

After he'd freshened up, prepping himself and going through his meticulous hygiene routines, Tala dressed the pair of boys, after a similar treatment of hygiene, in some cool clothes since the sun was high in the sky, which he hated, Kairan wore a denim jeans and black T shirt with an anime character on the front and little lace up boots. Mika wore a black dungaree with a red shirt underneath and a small pair of sneakers.

Tala wore a pair of black denim jeans with sneakers and semi tight white T shirt, his hair styled in his usual devil horns and his kids hair both spiking up naturally above their heads.

He opened the front door and glanced around the large front yard, in the drive way where he'd left his dark blue Mercedes, it was still parked there and the sun was glaring down on it, he frowned knowing the car would be bloody hot because of that and he regretted not putting in the one of the four garages. Mika and Kairan instantly ran off outside, going straight to the set of swings and jungle gyms built in the yard for them on the lawn to the left of the house.

The entire 5 bedroom house was fenced off with high brick walls and lined with electric fencing, the black electronic gates where reinforced as well so they couldn't be run through with a car. Kai was very dramatic when it came to security, hence the reason he had two different armed response teams monitoring the house and a high duty alarm system.

Nothing was too good for protecting his family.

Tala glanced at the boys as Mika giggled when Kairan hung upside down on the bars and Tala's eyes widened,

"Hey! Get down, don't do that!" his heart was beating fast just thinking of Kairan accidentally falling. He seemed pretty agile though since he got down easy enough.

"Mika…" he called the others attention and the boy looked at him, hands still clinging to the chains of the swing he was sitting on,

"Don't you ever do that okay…okay!" he said loudly and Mika nodded, Kairan saw the same finger then directed at him and he nodded.

Tala went inside, leaving the door open since he just need to grab his keys and the list, his heart was still racing, he couldn't imagine anything happening to his children. He grabbed his keys off the side table near the stairs and opened the drawer underneath, taking out his wallet, he already had his cell phone on him. Going into the kitchen he ripped off the one and half page list and folded it untidily then stuffed it inside in back pocket.

Figuring Kairan and Mika would get irritable in the car, he opened the fridge and grabbed two juice packs and then headed back out.

Stepping out onto the large red stone porch, Tala glanced first at his kids finding that Kairan was pushing Mika on the swing quietly. He breathed a sigh of relief and stepped out of the doorway fully, closing it and locking it behind him, since his house and car keys were on the same key chain. He never usually set the alarm when he was leaving the house, but knowing Kai was coming back, he'd have to start doing it again…until Kai left.

Walking down the stairs slowly, he shook his head irritably, how could he consider having this sort of life, basing everything he did on when Kai would be leaving again, he didn't want Kai to leave again. He'd have to talk about it to Kai seriously.

But what could he say? That if Kai didn't settle down at home Tala would…what?

Would he leave Kai? Could he? Didn't he love him too much?

But he didn't even know him anymore.

He pressed the alarm button and the car lights flashed silently, the locks on the doors all slipping up silently on the inside. He opened the back door and whistled for his kids attention, the yard wasn't hundreds of meters large but it was pretty spacious and he didn't feel like raising his voice.

Kairan waited for the swing to stop and then only once Mika had his feet on the ground and out of the sand pit under the swing, did they both rush over to Tala, half racing each other.

He was glad he'd raised Kairan to be somewhat responsible with Mika, even though they were close in age, he wanted them to be close because he wanted them to always be there for each other, Tala's own brother's didn't even talk to him or acknowledge that he existed.

Mostly because his gay. But his parents had been okay with it, surprisingly.

"Can I sit in the front!?"

"Nope." Tala answered automatically since Kairan always asked the same question.

He seemed a bit more upset about it than usual today because he had been told 'no' to something earlier that day as well, but Tala didn't mind him pulling his face.

One by one as they got in the car he handed them their juice packs,

"No spilling…use the straw Kairan." he instructed and closed the door after they were in.

He was fond of his leather interior and he didn't like the idea of liquid damage.

He walked around a pulled his own door open, getting inside and shutting his door he pushed the key in the ignition and switched the car on,

"Put your seatbelts on." he mumbled as he turned the air conditioning in the car on because the leather was hot from the sun even if it had been on the car for barely an hour.

When he heard the clicks of their seatbelts he glanced back and double checked.

Satisfied, he relaxed back, having placed all of his things in the compartments in the dashboard, he slipped out his cell phone and speed dialed Max, in the back of his mind he knew Kai was probably several hours into his flight already, he heard four rings before it was answered.

"Hey Max."

-Hey Tala, what's up?

"I wanted to know if you wanted to go for lunch this afternoon, maybe one-ish or so…you and Hil if you guys don't have plans." he absently placed his free hand on the gear shift, moving it back and forth idly.

-Oh…yeah I'm sure that'd be okay, we're heading out to do some shopping now, so I'm not sure about the time though.-

"I'm heading to the mall, are you shopping there?"

-Yeah, cool then we'll both be there, we'll see you then, gimme a call when your done whatever you need to and we'll meet up with you?-

"Sounds good, see you later, bye." he ended the call and placed his cell in the hands free on his dash board.

The car had cooled down by now and glancing back again he saw both kids quietly drinking their juice and staring off into space.

He raised his eyebrows peacefully and revved the car lightly and clicked the electronic gate button of the keys in the ignition so it started to roll open, putting the car in reverse and lifting the hand break, Tala reversed out of his driveway, clearing his head of all thoughts and saving the stress for later.

* * *

Shopping with kids was always hard, they always nagged even if it was minimally, whether they were bored or just wanted every second thing they saw. Tala's kids weren't in the habit of nagging too badly because they pretty much got almost everything they wanted, money not being an issue.

So what they did was get bored and want to run around the huge shopping centre, which often gave Tala periodic heart attacks when he saw them run off too far.

It had taken many outings for Tala to master the art of keeping them busy.

They helped him shop.

They loved it.

He'd mention something on the list and in the present isle and they'd fetch it, bring it back and feel very satisfied when they handed it to Tala or they dropped it into the shopping trolley themselves. Of course when they couldn't reach it he fetched it, but it was a mostly successful way of getting things done.

It was harder that day though because it was the 23rd of December and the place was crawling with holiday shoppers and everyone was rushing about with their own kids, inside the large grocery super market of the mall there were displays for toys and gifts at every turn and while Mika and Kairan would look with mild interest, neither of them were crying and shouting for their parents like Tala witnessed other kids do.

He was grateful that he had the life he did, where his kids wanted for nothing…material wise that was, same went for him. But they lacked something else. Of course he felt it the most.

Mika came back with a tub of ice cream and so did Kairan, flavors they both preferred and the dumped it into the trolley, Tala straightened them out in the cart, liking order in his shopping and everything packed neatly.

While Kairan giggled and Mika whined about the cold on his small arms from the tub, Tala watched them, rolling forward and around a corner, moving into another isle with bathroom necessities and personals. They continued looking around and fiddling, Tala glanced over, saying the occasional 'leave that' or 'don't touch' while he grabbed shampoo, not his own choice, but what he knew Kai preferred on him, shower gels, toothpastes, soaps, hair products…so on and so forth…

He paused and stopped rolling when he came to the neatly packed but already half emptied condom and general sexual product section. His eyes lingered on the condoms and he blinked and frowned, biting his lower lip.

Thinking hard on the fact that while he was concerned about Kai's fidelity, he and Kai had never once, in the entire duration of their relationship, used condoms. If he bought condoms and then suggested Kai used one…he didn't know what reaction he might get but he assumed anger would be the right one.

Someone said 'excuse me' and Tala apologized, shifting a bit so a guy a little older than him, holding his wife or girlfriends hand, grabbed two boxes of regular condoms and then moved on. He sighed and looked around, seeing his kids staring at the women's sanitary items. He looked back at the condoms and reached for a small bottle of fragranced and flavored lube, and then with brief hesitation he reached out again and he grabbed a pack of regular texture but flavored condoms, some part of his mind thinking maybe Kai wouldn't mind if it seemed like Tala wanted flavored…condoms.

For what?

Tala had never used a condom!

"Hey…" he warned his children before they fiddled and tossed the two items into the trolley and moved on.

* * *

Waiting at the check out till, Tala's mind wandered back to the condoms, but this time for a different reason. He kept trying to tell himself that it was 'just in case' and that it was just because he was paranoid, but he knew better. The fact that he was worried about the idea of unprotected sex at all was a problem…it meant he somehow believed Kai was unfaithful and that worse…he was condoning the possibility by choosing to use condoms…in case.

But what choice did he have, if Kai had cheated, he doubted that he would tell Tala, and even if he did, what the fuck would Tala do? Leave him? His chest hurt and he had to force himself not to cry in the middle of the shopping center, surrounded by people queing to pay.

He averted his attention to his children, each holding a toy, going through that isle it had been inevitable, he'd known they'd ask for at least something when faced with hundreds of toys.

They looked content but Mika looked up at him,

"I'm hungry." he piped up.

Kairan nodded and looked at him,

"Me to."

Tala nodded numbly as he leaned on the trolley,

"I know…we're gonna get something to eat now okay."

They nodded.

* * *

Beep…beep…beep…beep…beep…beep…beep…

Tala blinked with every beep of the item sliding through, being packed into large bags and then placed in a waiting shopping cart for easy carrying.

Beep…beep…beep…

Any slower? Kairan and Mika watched their toys in the pile to be scanned with hawk eyes, all they wanted to do was rip the casing off and play with the items.

Tala slipped his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Max's phone.

"Hey, I'm almost done queing, where did you guys wanna eat?"

-Uh, we're just finishing at the baby store-

Max was smiling and Tala smiled too -…so go ahead to the Big Fish and we'll meet you there?-

Tala grimaced, sea food, he wasn't keen on that but it was probably something to do with Hillary's pregnancy cravings,

"Yeah, I'll see you there." he hung up and looked at the boys.

"…you kids want fish fillet burgers?" he hoped they both would just nod.

Mika frowned and Kairan shrugged. 1 out of 2, not bad. He'd negotiate the loss.

The lady finally sent the last item through and totaled the amount, Tala took his wallet out and slipped out his credit card, platinum, his name embossed in the plastic but the cash on the card wasn't a cent of his own.

Kai refused for Tala to work. Ever. Kai provided everything.

Swiping the card, waiting, signing and taking back his things, Tala thanked the girl with a smile and looked around him, locating his kids hanging onto the shopping cart, he moved over to them and started pushing the large and over filled cart from the store.

The mall was packed with people and children, he watched as Mika, whose hand was attached to his pocket firmly in all the chaos, looked at babies being wheeled by in prams and Kairan hanging onto the front of the trolley as Tala pushed it along. Watching Kairan, Tala smiled remembering something…

* * *

_Kai and he were walking in the very same mall, Tala was pushing and pram and carrying a one year old Kairan who was chewing on the teat of his empty bottle contentedly, one hand holding firmly onto Tala's shirt, his eyes wide as he was staring around._

_Kai disappeared from pushing the trolley next to Tala and he popped up behind Tala, making a stupid roaring sound and making Kairan jump and squirm in delight, making laughing sounds and kicking his legs excitedly._

_They'd stopped walking and Tala looked over his shoulder at Kai who was pinching Kairan's cheek and he caught Tala's side glance, grinning at him,_

_"This kids fucking gorgeous…looks just like me." he teased and slipped his arms around Tala's waist, kissing the back of Tala's neck and then Kairan's forehead. Tala smirked,_

_"You're a conceited bastard Kai."_

_"Hm…but I have good reason don't I babe." he laughed softly as he spoke into Tala's ear._

_The mall was not busy since it was no special time of year, but Kai had never cared about people seeing them be affectionate with one another, in fact he often said that he dared anyone to tell him anything about it, he loved holding Tala, anywhere, even in public, he was proud, he always told Tala who had been nervous about that sort of thing early on, before they'd had a baby._

_But by then he'd gotten used to it and quite literally fed off Kai's confidence._

_He turned around and Kairan turned his head as well, grinning toothlessly as Kai was again poking his stomach with one hand, while his other absently rested on Tala's hip, comfortable and natural, that's what the touch was, it was such a common thing between them. He was smiling too as he watched Kairan squirm away from the soft poking,_

_"He does look just like you…except for his eyes…" he mumbled, he had been feeling a bit tired and his arm was sore from carrying Kairan who refused to stay in his pram._

_He looked at Kai and saw that his auburn eyes were settled on him,_

_"He has your eyes…on him their cute, but on you, their just sexy." Kai grinned and leaned in, catching Tala's bottom lip and biting it playfully, making Tala blush and raise a hand to Kai's stomach and pull away just barely, their mouths not far from one another.  
"Hey…" he said weakly, not really meaning to feel awkward but people were staring at them._

_Kai rolled his eyes but smiled, he was so outstandingly attractive when he smiled and Tala always just grinned back at that smile,_

_"I love you baby." he whispered and Tala chastely before pulling back and looking at Kairan, "…you come here, let me carry you for a bit huh…you gotta start walking soon, then working out…" he went on to take Kairan and shifted him in the air easily, making the baby boy squeak happily as Kai pressed his face into Kairan's neck and loudly tickled him._

_Tala just stared at him, hands absently finding the pram and trolley as he watched Kai smiling and playing with his son._

_That night, sitting on the sofa, baby Kairan asleep on Kai's chest and Tala lying at Kai's side on the plush leather, Kai had kissed Tala's head and whispered that he wanted another baby…Tala had smiled genuinely at him, fear and worry shining in his eyes, he'd said yes._

* * *

He had rolled all the way out into the massive parking lot and stopped at his car, unlocking the booth, he dug in the relevant bag and handed the children their toys which they took happily. Tala packed everything into the booth of the car and then dragged the shopping cart back with him, Mika holding his free hand and Kairan walking just in front, Tala acknowledged his fear for Kai returning home.

* * *

They settled down at a table inside the Big Fish restaurant and Tala let his kids slide right into the booth as he sat on one open end, looking through the menu and not finding anything interesting to eat, he wasn't feeling for sea food, but he decided he'd order a plate of prawns and chips, the sauce was usually good.

He ordered the small fish fillet, completely boneless, burgers and chips for Kairan and Mika and waited with his own order, he'd eat when Max and Hillary came. Two small milkshakes and a large coke was brought over just as he saw the blonde hair styled in Max's unique way visible in the doorway.

He placed his glass down after taking a sip and raised a hand to call them over, Max saw him and turned to Hillary who smiled happily when she spotted Tala, her fingers intertwined with Max's firmly as they came over. Tala stood up and shared a cheek to cheek kiss with Hillary who beamed at the kids and then slipped into the booth, managing a comfortable hug from Kairan but an indifferent look from Mika.

Max kissed Tala on the cheek and the looked over at the kids as they took their seat,

"Hey boys, how ya doing?" he asked and leaned over to ruffle Kairan's hair since Mika had moved closer to Tala.

"Daddy didn't want me to come over and play with Rascal!" he immediately objected and Hillary smiled,

"I knew kids loved pets." she stated and placed a hand lightly on her high stomach, covered by a soft pink maternity blouse that she wore, it looked very pretty on her. She carried small and she hadn't picked up too much weight either, as far as Tala was concerned she was as pretty as ever.

"Yeah, but they can't have pets." Max said as he looked at Tala who nodded,

"Yeah, no animals in the Hiwatari household." he sounded a bit sarcastic as he sipped his coke.

The waitress came by and they ordered three meals and drinks for Hillary and Max, an apple juice for Hillary and a soda for Max, who didn't drink alcohol at all, the same as Hillary. The drinks came quickly.

"Speaking of Hiwatari…" Tala couldn't help the smile that graced his face as he stared at the two pairs of blue eyes fixed on him, "…he called me last night, or early this morning actually, probably because he had a really early flight…anyway…to tell me that he'll be home tonight." Tala actually grinned at how Hillary's face lit up, Max half as much.

"That's great! He'll be with you for Christmas then? And he'll get to see the kids!" she sounded very pleased with the second part, family was going to be her priority.

Tala nodded and noticed how Max was staring at him, he knew what Max was thinking, he had been thinking the same thing and knowing it came from a place of concern, he just accepted the doubt in his friends eyes.

"I'm happy, looking forward to it…" he informed for Max's sake and he received and slight nod as Max smiled at Hillary's beaming face and then sipped from his fizzy green soda.

* * *

"What time is he getting here?" Max asked sometime during their meal.

Tala swallowed his mouthful of food and shrugged,

"He just said 'tonight' so I don't actually know, but I calculated the general time the flight takes, around 18 hours from the states to Japan, so probably after 11 pm." he looked at Kairan who had failed to eat much of the burger but was eating his fries that were smothered in mustard, much like Kai would usually eat them. Mika opted to not eat anything off his plate and Tala knew he'd have a screaming child on his hands if he forced the meal on the boy, so he ordered him a small ice cream dessert which was long since eaten and Mika was now leaning against Tala's side as he leaned forward and ate his own food.

"Does he sound excited?' Hillary asked.

Tala remembered how quiet Kai had actually been on the phone but he nodded,

"Yeah, he does." he said but Max didn't show any signs of interest in the statement, knowing how Tala mentioned that the children were distant from Kai, he doubted that excitement was more prominent than discomfort and nervousness in the situation.

"So…all your plans for Christmas?" Tala changed the subject and Hillary gladly obliged as she started talking about all their decorations and how she was going to try to cook traditional American meals for Max.

* * *

They arrived home well after five pm that afternoon and the children rushed from the car in a great hurry to get on the jungle gyms while the sun was still up, they loved being outside.

Tala closed the car doors they had left open, after grabbing their toys and empty juice boxes off the back seat.

He walked up the steps to the front door and opened it up, walking inside he placed his keys and wallet and the juice boxes down on the kitchen counter and headed back out.

He'd already opened the booth, so he just lifted it and started carrying the bags in 2 at a time. After the second trip as he was going back out, he saw each of the boys carrying one big bag inside with much effort and he laughed lightly,

"Big tough guys huh, look at those muscles." he said to them as he took the bags from them, both grinning and flexing their muscles, Mika telling Kairan that his muscles were bigger and they went off into the lounge to compete about it he supposed.

After placing those on top of the counter too, he went back out, seeing the sky turning a faded blue and sun getting lower Tala knew that Mika would get irritable and tired soon.

He took a tired breath as he lifted the last bag out of the booth and closed the booth door, he walked back inside, putting the bag on the counter, he again walked back to the front door and was about to lock the car when he realized that if he left it in the driveway, he'd need to move it for Kai to get into the garage later that night. Two of the less used cars, Tala's Jaguar and Kai's Porsche stayed in the third and fourth garages and Tala's Mercedes was blocking the first one because it was parked in the narrow part of the drive way which led to all four.

Walking outside again, he got into his car and started it back up, watching the 2nd garage door slide up easily, he moved the car onto the wider gravel part of the driveway and into the garage. Switching the car off and getting out, he heard the sound of the warm cooling down car echo around him in the neat white garages. Closing his door a hollow sound echoed around him, he pressed the alarm on. To one side of him he could see the dark red Porsche which was only 2 feet from him and on the other side of that was his silver Jag, the space on the opposite of the his Mercedes was where Kai would drive in, with his other car, a black sports Lamborghini.

Thinking of that as he left the large garage through the one open door, Tala remembered that Kai may even be later, since he'd have to go by the Japanese Biovolt head office in the city with a cab and then pick up his car from the underground parking facility. He sighed, if Kai would just leave his car at home and go to the airport with a cab he would save himself a lot of trouble, but then again, Kai always went to the office before leaving for the airport, so that was a redundant thought.

He felt a bit worse after walking out of the garage, leaving the comfort of the two seat red Porsche, which held some very interesting memories. He felt heat rise in his cheeks when he remembered being on top of Kai in the drivers seat, the seat reclined right back.

He stared at the clear skies and felt warm in his body that didn't come from the setting sun but from the pictures in his head.

Kai's chest under his pale hands, Kai's mouth against his neck…over his chest. Being completely naked under Kai on that same seat moments later, his skin sweaty and sticking against the expensive leather, his hands sliding over Kai's slightly sweaty skin…remembering the feeling of fulfillment and scent of Kai's body, arousal and skin filling his senses…the taste of Kai's mouth, teasing kisses. The power of Kai's body…above him, holding him, hands in his hair and breath against his own…

Tala swallowed slowly and felt his skin tingle, his mind suddenly on the condoms laying inside one of the bags on his kitchen counter.

He laughed quietly, it was 'their' kitchen counter, when had he started referring to these things as his? Singular…like he was alone.

Tala walked back into the house and as he closed the door Mika ran down the hall and attached himself to Tala's leg, Kairan came around the corner with a couch cushion, judging by their ruffled appearances, they'd been pillow fighting and Mika surrendered.

"You hungry?" Tala didn't bother to scold them for anything, instead he let his hand rest on Mika's head as he spoke to the boy, Mika nodded, obviously since he hadn't eaten anything really. Kairan watched Tala walk by him, Mika walking with a hand in Tala's, he followed into the kitchen.

Tala lifted Mika and put him on the counter stool, knowing he could get down. Kairan found his way up onto one as well and started doing everything Mika did to annoy him,

Tala didn't pay any mind and started unpacking the groceries, methodically putting everything away in its place.

He was packing a few meat packs in to the freezer when Kairan piped up,

"Dad…what's this?"

Tala stood up and closed the lower fridge drawers and then the doors and walked back to the center counter, his eyes glancing to see what Kairan held as he separated the bathroom things from the kitchen things on the counter.

He did a double take and paused, Kairan held the condom box in one hand and an individual silver and red square condom sealed in the other, he was smelling it too. Tala knew better than to freak out, kids became curious when you took things from them without any reasonable explanation and that's what piqued their interest.

He saw Kairan about to try and open the condom and he calmed himself,

"Don't open that, put it back in the box, its not yours, its mine, you shouldn't have opened it." he said calmly and held out his hand.

Kairan turned his deep blue eyes on Tala innocently and pushed the condom back into the box that held three others.

Tala took it from him and placed it in his back pocket, his hand was shaking but Kairan didn't notice and he continued unpacking things.

"Sorry daddy…" he mumbled as he fiddled with a strip of chocolate marshmallows sticking out of one of the bags.

Tala smiled and walked around the counter, wrapping his arms around his son and hugging him to his chest, Kairan's arms came around his torso and he felt the little hands grip his shirt loosely,

"It's okay, I'm not upset, just don't open things without asking first, okay?" he said gently and felt Kairan nod against his chest, he was higher up because of the high stool.

Kairan held on for a bit, Tala knew that every once in a while he needed the attention since he was usually the better behaved and less clingy one.

He finally separated from the five year old, cupping the thin face in his hands he gave Kairan two big kisses, one on each cheek,

"Don't be upset…after you eat I'll give you chocolate ice cream okay." Kairan smiled happily and nodded.

Tala saw how Mika stared at them and so he went by him and kissed him too, giving him a quick but firm hug,

"You too, kiddo."

That settled the moodiness and they all spent the next few hours in the kitchen, Tala got to cooking something that they'd eat, as well as Kai. Lasagna with extra cheese was always the best choice to go with since his children loved cheese and Kai loved lasagna.

After taking the hot glass dish from the oven, Tala took off the gloves and apron he felt so silly in and dished out medium proportions for them as they sat at the kitchen counter.

He nursed his own food quietly and watched the boys blow at the food to make it cooler and eventually when it cooled on its own they ate happily, Mika watching whether he was winning or if Kairan was. Tala looked down and noticed he'd gotten through most of the food, he glanced up at the kitchen wall clock and noticed it was almost 8.

He was surprised Mika hadn't started clinging but he wasn't complaining.

"Bath time boys…"

* * *

It was close to ten when Tala was placing kisses on their foreheads after tucking them into bed, Kairan's eyes were half lidded and Mika was practically completely asleep.

He kissed Mika and then moved over to Kairan and sat on the side of him on the bed,

"You look real tired, kiddo."

Kairan nodded,

"…dad…" he mumbled and Tala stared at him, Kairan eyes were such an interesting shade of blue, definitely close to Tala's but so much darker.

"Yeah?" he said just as quietly as Kairan.

"…why is Kai…papa…never here?"

The question put pressure on Tala's throat instantly and he swallowed down the lump and managed a smile,

"He works a lot, really far away some times so he cant always come back quickly." he answered quietly and brushed some of Kairan's hair out of his small face.

"But…doesn't he want to come home?"

Tala found himself nodding but unable to say yes, since he couldn't really convince himself of that most of the time anyway.

"…I…don't remember him a lot…" Kairan said and Tala frowned and Kairan looked away from Tala feeling bad but Tala tapped his cheek lightly with his finger,

"Its okay, you can tell me."

There was some silence and Kairan blinked sleepily,

"I forget…what he sounds like sometimes…" he yawned and Tala felt tears come to his eyes,

"…me too…" he admitted, because over the phone Kai didn't often sound like Tala remembered.

Kairan stared at him and sat up, using his small hand and wiping Tala's cheek,

"Don't cry daddy…" he looked as if he might cry and Tala smiled at him and wiped the tears away quickly from his face, taking Kairan's warm hand in his own and giving it a small squeeze before kissing the little fingers.

"I'm okay…I just miss him and this time, we're gonna talk about him staying…how does that sound?" he asked Kairan who was staring at him with sadness, he just nodded,

"I hope he stays, I don't like you to cry."

Tala hoped so too.

He gave Kairan another hug and a few more goodnight kisses before removing himself from the room.

He broke down once he reached his own room, unable to hold back tears as he made his way into the bathroom. Looking at himself in the mirror he bit back the tears streaming from his eyes, rubbing his eyes harshly, he walked through the large bathroom and turned on the jet spray shower, determined to relax.

Kai would be there in about 2 hours approximately and he didn't want to a complete mess with red puffy swollen eyes.

Stepping under the shower spray Tala cleared his mind of everything and just tried to focus on the fact that he would be seeing his gorgeous husband shortly.

Remembering every angle and detail of Kai's face Tala smiled to himself as he washed the shampoo Kai liked into his hair, then washed his body with the shower gel Kai liked on his skin, running his hot wet hands over his firm flat stomach Tala remembered when Kai's hands would do that slowly and go lower to massage his thighs. He smiled still, remembering all of the good things, Kai's voice, his smile and his words, always telling Tala how much he loved him.

Minutes passed quickly in that warm bliss and when Tala finally emerged, legs shaven, along with other unnecessary body hair, he was a bit flush from the heat as he stared at himself in the mirror, he looked good, a bit tired but that was understandable, Kai would never mind or point it out, he brushed his teeth before he finished in the bathroom completely.

Tala exited into his room and went to his closet, taking out a loose white T shirt as usual and another black boxer briefs, the likes of which he usually slept in, he dried off, dabbing the water in his hair away before pulling his clothes on.

He fetched another towel and dried his hair properly, it always automatically went into its usual unique look, although less pointed and more pliant and soft, it moved freely and constantly had wisps falling into his face.

He ran some hot air through it with a hair drier so it settled a bit and then pulled a pair of long black socks on, they sat just below his knees.

He left the room and went downstairs, into the kitchen and he made himself a cup of warm and bitter cocoa before moving into the lounge and lying on the longest of the leather couches with the TV on softly, playing some re run which he was hardly watching...just waiting.

* * *

Sometime after 11 Tala had fallen asleep, his cocoa half finished and cold on the floor next to the couch, he had one of the cushions in his arms and his head rested on another, his naked legs curled up.

He didn't hear the front door being unlocked.


	3. Tiny Little Fractures

**Three**

* * *

Kai pushed the large front door to his house open slowly and quietly, he'd seen the house in darkness from outside and he assumed everyone was asleep. Once he had the door open, he walked back down the porch steps quietly as well, his formal shoes would make a loud noise on the stairs otherwise. He walked over to his car parked in the driveway, it was switched off but the back doors were open because he had his suitcases, lap top bag and a few gifts still in the car.

He took his time quietly moving from the car to the front lobby of the house, placing the bags and suitcases all in the entrance hall, deciding he'd move it all to the room in the morning instead of doing it then. He was tired and somewhat jet lagged, his hair was untidy and his formal shirt and pants felt so uncomfortable after being in it for almost 24 hours straight.

Once he'd removed everything from the car he moved the Lamborghini into the garage and got out of the car, looking over Tala's blue Mercedes he paused and leaned against his car after he closed the driver's side door.

Kai thought of Tala as he stood there, he had always thought Tala was the most attractive guy he'd ever seen and he still thought so to that day, but he hadn't actually seen Tala in…months and months, so he wondered whether Tala was different, not necessarily in looks but in personality.

He'd always told himself that he knew his being away could only be a negative thing between them, yet still he'd gone away over and over and over.

Then there were his children…he loved them. He really did, but he didn't know them either.

It was his fault though so he didn't put the blame on anyone else. He sighed and pushed himself off the car and then he left the garage, the door sliding down quietly behind him as he walked back to the porch and up to the front door. He stepped inside and closed the door quietly, locking it and activating the alarm system, managing to remember the code after so long made him feel like he hadn't completely lost touch.

He grabbed one of his smaller bags and slung it over his shoulder as he walked to the staircase and went upstairs, he wanted to shower and crawl into bed, next to Tala. Kai smiled, it had been so long since he'd had Tala's scent in his nose, he was eager.

He walked down the hall and slowed down when he came near his children's bedroom, or at least he assumed they still shared a bedroom, he'd never liked the idea but Tala would never budge on that decision of their children sleeping apart from such a young age.

Kai actually felt nervous as he pressed his fingers to the slightly opened door and pushed it in a little, peeking inside he saw the en-suite light on, providing some light in the room and then he looked to the two beds and saw lumps in both of them.

'So they are still in the same room…' he thought distantly and stepped inside the room, a part of him wanted to wake them up and see their small faces, see their smiles, but another part of him thought against it, he shouldn't disturb them, rather see them in the morning.

He was scared to face his children in a way.

Without going much closer to the beds, Kai turned around and left the room as quietly as he'd entered, leaving the door open as much as he'd found it and walking a little further down to the master bedroom. Kai couldn't help smile as he entered the room and placed his bag down on the carpeted floor, he wanted to see Tala again, the perfection he didn't feel like he deserved anymore.

He looked at the bed and frowned at its neat untouched appearance, empty and the room was even cold like no one had been in there for a while. Kai forgot all about showering and turned around, leaving the room and walking back to the stairs, he walked down quickly, still trying not to make a noise, he walked past the entrance hall and then spotted the blue television glow on in the lounge, he frowned, surely Tala would have heard him all the time he was moving around if he was waiting up.

He walked into the lounge and glanced at the random show on the wall mounted flat screen TV as he approached the back of the long leather couch. Kai reached it and leaned on the back as he looked down at Tala, fast asleep and curled in on himself.

Kai's heart beat faster at the sight of him and he moved to come around the couch to Tala, he saw the half empty cup and the remote was on the floor too next to it, he knew Tala had tried to wait up for him. He smiled and let his eyes trail over Tala's peaceful face, his pale arm holding a pillow warm against his abdomen, like Tala used to do when he had been pregnant.

The vivid memory made Kai's eyes sting like he wanted to cry, remembering how Tala would be so tired all the time and lay curled up on the couch, keeping his midsection warm because he always said when he felt cold that made him feel better.

He crouched down on one knee and his eyes trailed over Tala's naked legs, one of the socks had slipped down while the other still covered Tala's calf and the shirt was not hiding anything of the boxer briefs, tight and well fitted.

Tala was exactly as fit as Kai remembered, perfect toned legs and judging from what he could see, probably weighed the same if not a little less, Kai used to love lifting Tala up in his arms when they'd work out together in their personal gym built into the indoor swimming pool to the very back of the property. Even that had been such a long ago memory.

Without hesitation he kissed Tala's thigh and took a deep breath as he ran his nose along the smooth skin, he could feel from the texture that Tala had shaved and it was just how Kai liked it.

Kai raised himself and leaned his elbow in the space on the couch available, he looked at Tala's closed eyes and let his fingers trail over Tala's thigh lightly, affectionately tickling the skin,

"Tala…" he mumbled quietly, Tala was a light sleeper…well, he had been. He repeated the name again and Kai felt nervous when he saw Tala's eyes squeeze together before opening slowly.

When the baby blue eyes turned to him, he only thought to smile and his fingers left Tala's skin and his hand moved to shift some of Tala's hair from his face. Tala looked tired but he probably was if he hadn't been able to wait up, Kai had no idea how tiring Tala's days were.

"…Kai…" Tala mumbled and took in a deep waking breath as he closed his eyes and rubbed his face before pushing himself to sit up, Kai shifted and sat on the couch next to Tala's legs. He stared at Kai and pushed his hair back a bit to try and get some order in it,

"I'm sorry, I was supposed to be awake…I was waiting…I fell asleep…" he was mumbling and to a certain extent looking at everything but Kai's face.

"It's okay…I expected you to be asleep, you didn't have to wait up…" he said back as quietly as Tala mumbled. There was no immediate response and then Tala moved, bringing his legs off the couch and standing up,

"I made lasagna so you could eat when you got home…I know you like it…"

Kai stood up and grabbed his hand lightly so he stopped and Tala, creased and still sleepy looking, turned to look at Kai and they actually stared into each other's faces in the blue glow from the TV,

"That's okay, I'm not hungry right now…just tired and I smell like the airport…" he smiled and Tala let out a shaky breath and smiled a little too.

"…okay, then you should shower and go to sleep." He mumbled and while he so badly wanted to have more than just a light touch from Kai's hand right then, he didn't feel bold enough to initiate it so he slipped his hand from Kai's and leaned down to grab the remote.

Kai stared at him, somewhat hurt by the almost formal way Tala was behaving and some part of him wanted to grab Tala and just…be close to him, but after so long, did he have the right?

The TV switched off and cast darkness over them, he made out Tala by the white shirt and his own light grey shirt made him somewhat visible, Tala started walking around the couch,

"I'll go ahead and run the shower for you…" he left the lounge quietly.

Kai swallowed down his hurt and shrugged, following out of the dark lounge and finding the stairs.

He walked into the bedroom and found that Tala had turned the two side lamps on so there was a soft light in their bedroom, the harsh bathroom light shone on to the floor and Kai could hear the shower running. He closed the bedroom door behind him and before he reached the bathroom, Tala came out and they looked at each other in the light.

Tala looked exhausted but so did Kai, they were both creased, Tala from the couch and Kai from the plane and right then logic told them that sleeping was the best option.

They could confront the awkwardness in the morning.

"It's nice and hot…" Tala mumbled and moved away from the doorway, "…your clothes are all in your closet, I wash them once a month so they don't get stuffy sitting in there." He gestured to the large wall walk in closets.

"Thanks…" Kai said feeling so distant even standing just a meter from Tala.

Tala nodded and looked at the large bed,

"I'm gonna get into bed, I'm tired…do you mind?" he glanced at Kai.

"No…um, no, you go to sleep. I'll just, keep the noise down and climb in…next to you." He stared at Tala who seemed to be avoiding eye contact.

Tala didn't know why but he felt so nervous, although the fact that he had fallen asleep and all his attempts to look his best when Kai saw him were shot to shit may have been playing a role.

"Oh…kay. Enjoy your shower." He looked at Kai and smiled and then walked over to the bed, Kai watched him sit down and pull his long socks off, dropping them on the floor and pulling the neat sheets untidy when he covered himself, switching the side lamp off and laid down.

Kai, feeling a little dejected, just walked into the bathroom and hesitated with the door, did he close it? He never used to close it when he was at home, Kai decided that for the noise, he would close it and so he did. Tala noticed this but just ignored it and the fatigue set in as he laid listening to the shower and splashing of uneven water hitting the tiles as Kai moved around under the spray…

* * *

When Kai emerged about a half hour later feeling better but even more tired, the first thing he noticed was that the bedroom door was open and he frowned, crossing the room to the door and closing it quietly, he assumed Tala had gone out of the room for some reason and forgotten to close it. After drying off and changing into some of his clean clothes he hadn't worn in ages, a boxer shorts and a shirt, he walked to the bed and pulled his side of the sheets open, Tala still slept on just one side which made Kai smile, it was the side facing the door like it had always been

He slipped under the covers and then switched his bedside lamp off, since Tala's was off already the room was dark, the bathroom light was off as well. Kai laid on his back for a while and debated whether for some reason Tala would push him away, but there was no reason at all that Tala would.

Kai wanted to hold Tala, it had been so long, he rolled over and closed the wide space between them, his hand found Tala's hip and then his arm slipped around Tala and he pulled him back against his body and leaned his face against Tala's warm neck.

Tala had woken up, he knew it and he felt him tense at first but then very quickly he relaxed and he pressed back against Kai, firm and well-built as ever, it was so familiar and so missed.

"Missed you…" Kai mumbled.

Tala smiled,

"I missed you." He said as well.

* * *

Tala's light sleeping woke him up at around 6:05 am and he opened his eyes very slowly, tired still but feeling a bit more rested having actually slept, he frowned and stared at the two doors of the bedroom…both of them were closed, yet he remembered getting up the night before to open them because Kai…

Kai.

Tala's body warmed as he realized the arm was still around him, holding him and the firm body was still behind him, warm breath against his neck, Kai was with him and they were sleeping in their bed together. Then Tala heard it, the sound that had woken him up, a bump on the door and a small sob, the beginning of Mika's cry.

"…shit…" he breathed out and was about to get out of the bed, Kai waking up from the sudden movement, when the door opened. Kairan who had that little extra height to get the handle down and the door open had woken up after Mika that morning and came to the rescue to open the door.

Tala sighed and his eyebrows rose in relief when Mika's sniffles stopped and he got off the floor and walked into the room,

"Oh baby, I'm sorry…" he said apologetically and Mika stopped walking closer to the bed, his eyes settling on the arm still around Tala's waist and then Kai sat up, using Tala's waist for balance and frowned sleepily over Tala's shoulder at the red haired wide eyed boy staring at him.

Kairan stood at the door and stared at Kai with equally wide eyes and Tala shifted bringing his legs off the bed and Kai's hand left his waist. Kai sat back and stared at his kids, staring at him.

Tala walked to Mika a few feet away and picked him up, he looked very upset by this entire situation,

"Hey…kiddo I'm sorry the door was closed, I just forgot…" he wasn't going to make Kai the bad guy.

Mika settled for that and clung to Tala, face in his shoulder to avoid being looked at by Kai sitting in the bed, looking confused. Tala turned to Kai and then looked at Kairan,

"…it's papa Kairan, say hello to him." He smiled at the five year old who was hanging on the door handle and staring at Kai.

Kai smiled and threw the covers off himself then moved to get off the bed,

"Hey Kairan…"

There was no major reaction and all Kai received was a short wave and then a naughty grin and Kairan ran from the room shouting about cereal. Kai's smile faded and he looked up at Tala who held the four year old and rubbed his back with a tired and worried look on his face.

"I'm sorry about him…" Tala glanced at Kai and even at the sight of him having just woken up, Tala's heart ached to know Kai like he had before.

"It's okay…it's not…your fault." Kai mumbled and ran a hand through his hair.

There was some silence and Tala looked around as if just waking up,

"Um, I have to make them breakfast…" he said and pulled Mika back from his neck to talk to him, "…you want breakfast hm?" he smiled at his son's upset face and received no response.

Tala figured he was going to have a hard time with Mika that day, he'd stared at Kai holding Tala like it was completely unthinkable.

"I'll make you breakfast too…" Tala added with reference to Kai and walked to his closet with Mika still in his arms, he grabbed a track pants and then came back out, Kai hadn't moved.

"I need to put my pants on Mika…" Tala informed the monkey like child whose arms refused to let go, "…Mika." He used his authoritive tone and Kai stood up.

"I'll…uh…take him?" he asked more than suggested.

Tala raised his eyebrows, doubting that would happen but he wasn't gonna discourage Kai wanting contact with his kids.

"Yeah…uh, go to Kai, Mika."

That one stung, Kai actually felt it when Tala referred to him by his name yet the child turned his head to Kai at the name, like he understood 'Kai' better than 'Papa'.

Kai brought his hands to Mika's sides and even though he not held a child, let alone his own in so long, Kai hadn't lost his confident parent touch.

He didn't leave room for argument when he took Mika from Tala, the boy not registering the movement quick enough to latch his attention and arms back on Tala, Kai took him and turned him around so he was now in Kai's arms.

Mika stubbornly kept his legs straight and sat rigid in Kai's arms with an almost crying expression on his face, but still, he stayed quiet whereas whenever Max or Hillary tried to hold him, he protested very angrily.

Kai adjusted his weight and had a staring competition with the boy while Tala pulled his pants on and looked at both of them,

"You can talk to him…he does speak and understand words…" he didn't mean to sound sarcastic, but some bitterness came through in his words and tone toward Kai.

Kai glanced at him and then looked back at Mika who was staring straight at him and chewing his nail,

"Stop biting…" Tala took his hand from his mouth and then took him from Kai, immediately he became pliant and clung to Tala happily, no longer interested in Kai at all. Kai had nothing to say and instead just watched Tala, so efficient with them at that early in the morning.

"We'll be in the kitchen…" he didn't look at Kai and left the room carrying Mika.

Kai blinked and tried to get everything that happened into one organized space in his mind, before he walked to the closet to find clothes for himself.

* * *

Mika was sitting with a cry just ready to burst from him at the kitchen counter on the high stools because Tala, irritable for a few reasons had put him there and warned him not to cry.

He placed their bowls in front of them with their cereal, milk and sugar already inside and handed them spoons.

Mika remained stubborn until he saw Kairan eating and then he started as well, staring at Kairan the whole time while they ate their small spoons of cereal.

Tala automatically went into making eggs and bacon and toasting bread, he hadn't bothered with a real breakfast in so long since he'd only eaten cereal most days himself.

Kai entered the kitchen, fully refreshed and cleaned up for the morning, he glanced around the large space, it had been redone with some new touches because he remembered it looking different when he was last there. He looked at Tala, handling a spatula as he placed two medium done eggs into a white plate, he then looked at his children, eating their cereal and Mika looked angry but it was directed at Kairan, he didn't understand their little eating competition.

"I'm making bacon and eggs…" he informed Kai.

"Daddy!"

They both turned to Kairan,

"I'm finished, can I go watch cartoons!" he stared at Tala as he licked the sweet milk from the corners of his mouth, Mika still trying to finish his cereal.

"Uh…" Tala looked at Kai who shrugged, not really sure what Tala wanted him to say, "…yeah, take Mika with you…" Tala gave in, deciding that breakfast all in the same room was pointless.

Kairan jumped off the stool and helped Mika down while he talked about the cartoon he wanted to watch, Mika was distracted by that and went along out of the kitchen, passed Kai without a single glance.

Tala shook his head vaguely and after finishing the bacon and dishing it onto Kai's plate, he placed it on the counter again with a piece of toast and then took the two bowls with some milk and cereal bits floating in it and he placed them in the sink. He moved around mechanically and Kai watched him as he sat on one of the stools near his breakfast plate.

"Tala…" he said after a moment of Tala's tidying and moving things around.

Tala stopped and turned to look at him, the bright daylight making him look soft and pale,

"Yeah?"

"Are you…okay?" Kai asked with some confusion of his own.

Tala averted his gaze and then walked to the fridge, taking out a carton of orange juice and grabbing a glass he placed it down for Kai,

"I'm fine, I just wanna go change and clean up…" he turned and started to leave, stopping in the doorway, "…you don't have to worry about them, they won't move for about a half hour." Not that he expected Kai would interfere with their peace but he didn't know.

With that he left the kitchen and hurried upstairs, the morning had been so hectic and still Kai hadn't got to see him looking fresh and at his best. He felt so awful, he rushed into the bathroom to clean up and then changed into new clothes. Tala neatened his hair and stared at his face in the mirror,

"…I look good." He tried to convince himself, he knew he was still attractive but that he could look way better than he did right then, Kai was still so attractive too actually.

Tala blushed.

He left the room and went back downstairs, walking into the kitchen where Kai still sat, sipping orange juice from his glass over an empty plate.

"I'll make something better tomorrow, I was just rushed…" he didn't know why he'd been rushed, nerves, wanting everything to go smoothly.

"Do they…do that every morning?" Kai asked in the quiet of the kitchen as Tala poured himself orange juice.

"Do what?" Tala sipped his own.

"…come into the room?"

Tala nodded as he swallowed,

"Yeah, I leave the door open every night because I'm the first thing they look for in the morning." He answered, taking a fork and lifting a piece of bacon from the bowl he'd put it in earlier, he took a bite. Kai stared at Tala standing across the counter from him,

"They don't even knock or anything, just…they just come in?" he raised a curious eyebrow.

"What reason would they have to knock, they know I'm alone and so do I, I have no reason to ever close the door…" he admitted, feeling a bit pained at admitting his acceptance of being alone.

He missed Kai in bed with him.

Kai stayed quiet a moment, feeling some strange relief at Tala's honest words,

"…maybe it'd be a good idea to tell them to knock…first."

They both knew Kai was suggesting they needed privacy, Tala's mind instantly went back to what privacy meant and what he was worried about and the condoms…he was supposed to be excited about Kai being there, not paranoid about being intimate with him.

Tala sighed and gave off the feeling of disinterest even though it was concern,

"I'll tell them…"

Kai looked at the glass in his hand and then to the kitchen entrance, he could hear his kids laughing at the cartoons on TV.

"It's worse now…they're even more distant from me." He mumbled.

Without thinking Tala spoke up,

"What do you expect, you've been away for close to a year, the last they saw you was for a few short weeks in between long trips, you're like a distant relative to them."

"Wow…" Kai laughed unhappily.

"What?" Tala raised his eyes to look at Kai as he lifted another piece of bacon.

They stared at one another,

"You're really bitter…"

Tala's throat tensed at the feeling of wanting to cry,

"…I'm just…I guess I am a little. But I'm happy you're here…" he mumbled the last part because it was true, he wanted Kai's hugs and words of love, his affection, his kiss and touch he longed for but fear and paranoia made him uncertain.

"It's understandable…" Kai said even though his words made little difference.

After some silence, Kai looked at Tala who was still staring at a piece of bacon on his fork,

"Let's take them out…to a water park maybe, treat them to a day."

Tala looked at him,

"It's not safe…or very clean. They have a pool here, two pools," there was an indoor and outdoor pool, "…we don't need to take them to a water park." The parent in Tala came through easily.

"There are no slides and tubes here…"

"They have 2 slides, I had it installed to the indoor pool and they have pool noodles, pool floats and sun beds...we can get donut tubes too..." he again shot the idea down.

Kai raised his eyebrows,

"Okay…no water park then."

Tala sighed,

"No, please." He added pointlessly since he'd already decided.

Kai nodded,

"How about an arcade?"

"They're too young for those games…I bought them a gaming console and they have age suitable games, they hardly use it, they like being outdoors more…" he informed and threw his half eaten bacon away in the dustbin, then started putting everything else away.

"An amusement park?"

Tala turned and looked at him and Kai stared back, "…process of elimination…" he offered Tala.

Tala cracked a smirk and then it went away and he crossed his arms over his chest,

"…they have a lot of play stuff and a massive place to play in." he told Kai.

"I know, I bought the estate with all the land…I guess I was just thinking of what kids usually do for fun." He poured more OJ.

"They're four and five Kai…they're just getting good at reading." Tala said with an odd look on his face.

Kai gave him an 'oh' look and then sighed, he'd really lost touch then, even though he hadn't wanted to he should have expected it.

"Right I'm sorry…we'll just go out and eat something, get them some new toys and stuff."

Tala shook his head as he stared at Kai whilst Kai stared at the large glass patio doors, typical actually, compensate with-

"Oh right, I forgot, I brought you all some things from the states…" he got up off the stool and came around to Tala, somewhat awkwardly taking his hand and then smiling at him, Tala just went along from the kitchen.

They walked to the entrance hall where Kai's bags lay, reminding Tala that the hall would look just like this when Kai was leaving again, he frowned, he had to talk to Kai about the important things.

Kai lifted a few gift bags up and gestured for Tala to follow him as he moved into the lounge where the children were, Kairan was watching TV but Mika was jumping around from couch to couch.

The children looked at them when they entered the lounge and Mika sat down right where he'd landed, Kai settled the bags on the untidy table, the homely and lived in space was warm and comfortable unlike less used parts of the house, the study, library, and billiard room...wasted space.

"I bought you guys some stuff…" he dug into the large gift bags and pulled out top of the range American released toys that wouldn't be on the shelves for ages anywhere else.

Large transformers was the first gift and they each got one of the yapping robot puppies, way to fill in for the lack of a pet in the house. Their eyes wide and attention won over, Kai's only leverage, they gave him polite well taught 'thank you's' and smiles. Kairan hugged him and gave him a kiss on his cheek, out of manners, again he knew Kai was his parent so he knew it was the right thing to do.

Mika didn't care however and Kai settled for just ruffling his hair and being stared at for it.

Yet still, he was calmer around Kai's awkward touches that when anyone besides Tala tried to show him any affection.

Kai sat back on the couch beside Tala who watched his children enjoy their early Christmas gifts, Kai took out a large box from the one of the gift bags and handed it to Tala,

"That's for you…" he smiled.

Tala gave him a weak smile as he held the large flat box, placed it on his lap and opened it, his eyes widened when he pulled out part of the genuine snake skin coat and felt its excellence between his fingers…very expensive.

He turned to Kai,

"…I…love it, really…" he did, but it was just a coat.

"I know how you love coats, you have like…20, last time I checked and this one was exclusive to the states…I'd have imported if I hadn't seen it while I was there…" he explained, leaning forward to see Tala's face better as he stared at the grey slightly shiny coat.

Kai saw that Tala wasn't really impressed, it was just another gift to add to a collection, but that's why he'd bought something else.

He turned back to the bag and slipped out a smaller box, book shaped and handed it to Tala. Tala's placed the coat down in the box, he hadn't taken it all the way out and he took the smaller box,

"Another gift Kai…" he sounded almost disappointed and Kai's heart felt sore.

Tala immediately assumed it was jewelry, the size and shape of the box made him think so, had Kai forgotten he didn't like jewelry?

He opened it and placed the box on top of the coat as he frowned at the hard expensive paper casing, holding something inside. He lifted it out and opened it, eyebrows rising and he opened his mouth a little in shock,

"…France?"

"Yeah…most beautiful resort they have…very private, 3 weeks, just you and I." he smiled at Tala.

Tala smiled back, that really was a gift worth receiving, 3 weeks alone with Kai, just the two of them in a beautiful peaceful resort…

The awkwardness replaced by happiness for the moment, Tala turned to Kai and leaned forward, pressing his lips to Kai's and Kai closed his eyes, even if it was so brief that their lips had touched, it made him tingle everywhere, Tala as well and then it ended, Tala pulling back.

"Thank you…when is it for…when can we plan it?"

"As soon as you like…"

"What about Kairan and Mika…we can't leave them, we have no one to leave them with…" he turned to his kids and only then he realized they were staring at him and Kai.

"Daddy…what did you get?" Kairan's attention span took him passed the kiss he'd see and straight to Tala's happiness from a moment ago. Mika was just plain down upset.

"I got a special present to go away with Kai…um, papa." He added quickly.

Kai saw those dark blue eyes turn to him and then back to Tala,

"You're going away…"

"No, not anytime soon and it won't be for long…" he tried to explain to his worried child and Mika was also looking more worried by the second.

Tala had to change the subject,

"Wanna go swimming?" he smiled and Kairan grinned and ran straight from the lounge to go upstairs, Mika getting up and running after him, Tala sighed deeply and placed the opened boxes on the sofa next to him before running his hands over his face .

He felt a hand on his lower back and Kai's slight touch comforted him so easily,

"It'll be okay, we'll arrange something, maybe your parents could take them for a while, they'd love to see them."

Tala just nodded, trying not to think of everything all at once, going away with Kai on vacation when he didn't even know whether Kai was going to be there in two days, it was Christmas eve and after Christmas American's would be back to work.

Kai wanted his parents to take the kids when he himself had hardly even talked to them since he'd been there. Worst of all, had Kai been faithful?

Tala got up,

"Thanks for all the gifts, I'm going to get them into their bathing suits so they can go swimming." He left the lounge.

Kai didn't feel like the gifts meant all that much, he looked around and then stood up, deciding to clean up while Tala saw to the kids, he neatened up the mess and gathered the gift boxes, putting them neatly in a closet for extra junk that was pretty full since he'd last seen it. He then went to the entrance hall and started taking his bags upstairs, neatening the room as well once he had everything in there.

About an hour later he made his way outside onto the patio and down to the pool, seeing Tala sitting on the side of the pool with his jeans rolled up and his bare feet in the water resting on the steps. Kairan seemed very good in the water and Mika seemed content to stay near Tala who was blowing more air into one of Mika's arm floats.

Kai watched him take Mika's tiny arm and slip it around his upper arm before the boy went splashing into the water closer to Kairan who stayed in the shallow end but still floated and swam quite well.

"Can I get you something to drink…you still like smoothies?" Kai asked loudly, smiling at Tala from the short distance.

Tala looked at him, putting his hand over his eyes to see Kai better since the sun was sharp,

"Yeah…strawberry please…thanks."

Kai gave him a thumb up and went back inside while Tala faced his kids again and a small smile crept onto his lips, Kai still remembered the little things.

* * *

That afternoon Kai had sat beside Tala at the pool, they hadn't really talked because Tala was distracted with the children for the most part and it wasn't that Kai didn't want to be involved with the kids, it was that he didn't know whether they'd be okay if he just involved himself.

When swim time was over and Tala gave his bath order, they rushed from the pool and Tala told them to dry themselves first, Kai watched as they both grabbed clean pool towels Tala had brought out and left on a pool chair and draped the large towels around their tiny frames and then ran off inside, Tala following.

He walked into the bedroom behind Tala as their children stripped at Tala's request,

"Can I do anything?" he asked Tala who turned around holding a handful of Mika's clothes he's taken out of the drawer,

"You can run the water if you want…" he said after a moment and Kai nodded and walked into the bathroom. He switched on the faucets and felt that the temperature was nice and warm but not hot, he wondered if Tala still enjoyed steaming hot baths, Kai had always had trouble with being in water that hot.

He was sitting on the rim of the tub when two little presences came up beside him and he turned to look at his sons, arms full of toys and waiting for direction,

'Tala has them well trained.' He thought fondly.

"Okay…" he said with a smile and received a frown from Mika and an expectant look from Kairan, he felt the water again and saw that the tub was half full so he switched the faucets off and then stood up, "…it's ready, get it."

Kairan got in and Mika followed straight into the large tub and Kai looked around for bathing sponges,

"Who's going first?" he held up the two different color sponges, one in Kairan's favorite color and one in Mika's.

"But…what about play time?" Kairan asked staring up at Kai.

"Oh…" he blinked and Tala came to stand beside him,

"Ten minutes play time, they can bath themselves but just make sure they do it right and do it properly…if you think you can handle it, maybe I can go and make something to eat so long and I'll be done earlier than usual…" he spoke quietly at Kai's side.

Kai nodded,

"Right, ten minutes to play and then they bath…"

"Their clean PJ's are on their beds, they will procrastinate getting dressed but you'll get them into their clothes eventually."

Kai nodded,

"Anything else?"

Tala shook his head,

"You can call me after that…Mika won't let you dry his hair, Kairan…" Tala addressed his older son and the boy splashed his toy into the water, wetting both their jeans slightly and Kai frowned but said nothing,

"Yes daddy?"

"Papa is gonna dry your hair when you're finished dressing okay…?" as he expected, Kairan nodded, he was more comfortable around Kai than Mika.

"And if you like…he can do your hair too…" Tala looked to Mika who shook his head.

"Mika's a scaredy baby." Kairan teased as he usually did and Mika frowned upset,

"I'm not! Shut up!"

"Hey, no 'shut up'!" Tala told him and Mika crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly.

Kai just stared and Kairan made another splash with his toy in the water, wetting their jeans more.

Tala sighed and turned away toward the door,

"You might want to take that expensive watch off, it'll get wet…" he mumbled as he looked over his wet jeans when he entered the bedroom, Kai followed as far as the en-suite doorway,

"That's the first I've heard Mika speak since I got here." He pointed out.

Tala turned to look at him,

"He doesn't speak much anyway, so it's not you that's made him quiet. You should try talking to them Kai, Kairan still remembers you and Mika is actually not that bad around you, when Max or Hillary tries to play with him he screams…with you he actually let you hold him…" he advised.

"…Max and Hillary, your still friends with them?" Kai never did like either of them.

Tala didn't look at him and decided it was a good idea to leave the room,

"Yeah, he visits often or we all go to lunch…I'm gonna make some instant pasta or something…" he left the room and Kai stared at the empty bedroom door way.

Checking his watch and deciding to score some points with the kids, he let the ten minute count start then and then he took it off like Tala suggested, it had cost him a few thousand US dollars, he didn't want it to get water damage. Pushing it into his back pocket, he walked back into the bathroom and leaned against the basin as they played, watching them as they completely ignored him for about 3 minutes and then Kairan looked at him.

"Papa…" Kairan called and Kai turned his attention instantly to him,

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to play?" he held out an action figure to Kai who stared blankly.

Mika now looking at him too.

Kai raised his eyebrows,

"…well, only if Mika wants me to." He smiled at the little red haired boy and waited, Kairan staring at him too and Mika turned his blue eyes to the water,

"I want bubbles…" he mumbled.

Kai figured it was a start and he smirked,

"Alright…"

* * *

Ten minute play time turned into a half hour and a bubble party filled with their giggles and splashes as Kai, using the action figure, was walking on the clouds (the bubbles) like a super hero while the ocean rose up to the skies to try and kill him (the bath water, waves provided by the children). The violence in the game evaded Kai since they were having a blast, even Mika was splashing and trying to destroy the hero.

Tala walked up the stairs, having prepared a full meal and cleaned the kitchen, setting everything neatly to be dished up, he was a little confused that Kairan and Mika hadn't bounded into the kitchen yet asking for food. He heard the laughter as he approached the door and then he heard another noise further down the hall in their bedroom.

Deciding that Kai seemed to be winning at whatever he was doing to make them laugh, he walked past the children's room, into his and Kai's room and approached Kai's cell phone ringing at the bedside. It continued to ring when he picked it up and he stared at the caller ID, the name was 'Wyatt' without a last name. He was about to answer it when the call ended and Tala saw 4 missed calls from this person.

He stared at the phone a moment longer and then placed it down and turned back, leaving the room and walking back to the kids' room, the laughter was quieter but still going on. When he turned the corner to the en-suite and saw the state of the bathroom he felt dread. Kai was kneeling at the side of the bath making a toy do backflips and front flips as his children very unlike themselves, made huge splashes.

They would never usually do that because Tala had always told them that splashing like that was not allowed but there they went, splash splash splash.

He was about to say something, a frown setting on his face as he walked into the bathroom but then he saw Mika, putting bubbles on Kai's head and laughing, Mika hardly ever laughed like that. He leaned against the door frame and stared at the sight until Kairan spotted him and halted his movements and all the splashing stopped at once. Tala felt like he was warden all of a sudden especially when Kai dropped the action figure into the water and mumbled that he'd been shot down.

Tala blinked at them,

"…how about you guys bath now so you can eat okay." He said calmly, "…Kai you can shower now before we eat, I'll finish up here and bring them down to you, and then I'll shower." He didn't really seem upset but a part of him was, he had to clean up the mess.

Kai got up and nodded, his jeans and shirt were pretty wet and his hair too from Mika's bubbles and dripping hands,

"Okay, you need any help-"

"No, I do it all the time, I'll manage." He said a little distantly as he stared at the large puddles on the floor, but he wouldn't shout, because that would ruin what little progress Kai had just made.

With that, Kai left the bathroom.

Tala gave his sons a look and they grabbed their sponges and got to bathing under Tala's supervision.

* * *

Kai walked into the bedroom and over to the bedside table on his side of the bed, placing his watch down and picking up his cell phone, he checked and found missed calls. He sighed and cleared them from his screen before stepping out of his shoes and walking into the bathroom.

* * *

The day had passed so quickly and by the late evening Kai was sitting on the couch with Kairan between him and Tala and Mika on the other side of Tala, fast asleep on Tala's lap. Tala had taken a while to get done in the bathroom when the kids had finished and then a while longer to shower. Kai had felt bad, it was his fault the bathroom had been in that state.

Tala looked tired as he sat staring at the TV, Kairan's eyes were still open but just barely and his socked feet were lying in Kai's lap as he sat playing with Kairan's toes idly. Over all, he felt a bit more comfortable after breaking the ice and playing with them, but he and Tala were no better.

They sat for a long time and eventually both Kairan and Mika were both sleeping soundly, Kai glanced over at Tala who had his head leaned back against the couch and his eyes on the TV.

"You do all this every night?" he asked in a whisper.

"You don't have to whisper…" Tala spoke quietly, "…they sleep right through." He said since they'd never woken up in the middle of the night except on rare occasions.

Kai's arm was stretched out along the couch and he managed to rub Tala's ear softly and affectionately with the pad of his thumb, taking a strand of hair that had been against Tala's ear and playing with it between his fingers.

Tala stayed quiet for a moment because of the small sensation and then answered,

"Yeah, I don't usually fall asleep on the couch with them watching a movie, but since you suggested it, I wasn't going to say no, they seemed excited." He glanced at Kai.

"I'm sorry about the bathroom." He apologized and let his fingers trail over Tala's neck, a feeling of longing filled Kai as he touched the milk white skin.

Tala was trying to enjoy the simple but sweet touch, he wanted to feel the affection and the goose bumps that it should have given him, but between the condoms, paranoia and 4 missed calls from whoever the hell Wyatt was, Tala was just unable to clear his mind.

"It's fine…just try not to let them make so much mess next time okay."

Kai didn't respond and he looked at the sleeping children, both curled into Tala lovingly.

'Next time?'

"Kai…" Tala spoke and Kai looked up, Tala wasn't looking at him.

"Hm?" his fingers idled a moment against Tala's neck.

"…how long…are you staying?" it hurt to ask.


	4. It's Beginning To Get To Me

**Four**

* * *

Kai didn't know if his answer had not been satisfactory but since Tala had stared at him and then looked away without responding he could only assume the worst. Tala had sighed heavily and asked Kai quietly to please take Kairan off his lap, he'd gone on to leave the lounge carrying Mika while Kai carried Kairan up the stairs behind him.

After putting them in their beds and Tala kissing each of them, Kai did the same and followed Tala out of the room.

But Tala just went to bed.

Kai had crawled in beside him and held him again but he didn't have the guts to do anything else, Tala was cold, he remembered how Tala got when he was upset, he became quiet and stiff. Leaving it alone, Kai let himself drift into a worried miserable sleep.

* * *

When Kai woke up the following morning he took in a deep sleepy breath and rolled over, away from Tala's warm scent and onto his back. Half stretching, he let his eyes blink open,

He nearly shouted in fright when he saw Kairan standing at his side of the bed, playing with the sheets and staring at him with wide blue eyes silently.

He sat up leaning on his elbows and focused on Kairan,

"You okay?" he mumbled sleepily and reached over to his phone, forgetting that there was a clock on Tala's bedside, Kai checked his cell phone for the time and saw that it was just past 4 am.

He glanced back at Kairan as he placed his phone down,

"…what's wrong Kairan?" he sat up properly and instinctively reached his arms out to his son, Kairan looked at him and then moved forward, letting Kai take him under his arms and left him onto the bed beside him.

"Can I sleep here?" he mumbled to Kai as he started fidgeting again.

Kai nodded sleepily and he looked over his son's wide eyed expression in the dark room, he didn't look scared, so Kai figured maybe this wasn't unusual. But what was strange was that he'd been on Kai's side of the bed. Kairan smiled and moved quickly, crawling over Kai's lap into the middle and lifting the sheets so he could get beneath them.

Kai watched the boy snuggle up to Tala and he raised an eyebrow, he assumed that Kairan had been asking some sort of permission to sleep in the bed with them, he knew the 5 year old wasn't stupid and some part of him understood the difference of Tala being alone and Kai being in the bed with him. He watched Tala stir and move slightly, turning his head and frowning and then he felt the little arm around his waist and he sighed and lay his head back down.

Kai just stared at the two and then he lay back down and closed his eyes.

* * *

When brightness hit the room a few short hours later, Kai opened his eyes easily, he hadn't fallen back to sleep. He was still on his back and he stared at the canopy of the bed above him, taking in a breath he could smell Tala all around him.

He smiled as he remembered staring up at that canopy many times, Tala on top of him, panting and moaning…his legs working hard to keep a steady momentum while Kai took in the sight of Tala…flushed, breathless and as sexy as was humanly possible…

He stopped himself before the memory became too graphic, he could already feel his usual morning wood taking another direction and he remembered that his son was in the bed, he was just grateful he had slept in track pants the night before. There was no room for getting horny when he couldn't get to Tala…and then again, he didn't know if he could anyway. Things seemed so uncomfortable.

He looked to the side and saw that Kairan was facing him, taking up most of the space in the middle of the bed with the way he was spread out, his fingers twitching as he slept.

Kai smiled and sat up, leaning over him and kissing his hair, his eyes drifted to Tala as he ran his fingers through Kairan's soft short hair, he'd missed his kids, he was starting to realize it the more he felt how distant they were towards him.

Tala was awake, Kai noticed belatedly when he looked over to Tala, also facing his direction, tired blue eyes watching him. He wanted to lean over and kiss Tala but he knew it would be enough movement to wake Kairan,

"Morning…" he whispered and left Kairan's hair alone when the boy started moving, not wanting to wake him up.

Tala smiled weakly and it hurt Kai but he just half smiled back.

Tala shifted and leaned up on his elbow, looking over Kairan's sleeping form,

"Mika…I'll fetch him…or he'll cry." He said in a quiet tired tone and Kai didn't bother stopping him as he got up and walked from the room.

Kai did however watch Tala's backside as he left the room wearing his usual sleeping attire, this time it was a blue boy shorts and it fit him so nicely that it made Kai lick his lips and sigh.

He looked down at Kairan,

"I love Tala…does he still love me? Does he ever tell you that he misses me?" he mumbled and watched Kairan scratch his arm as he slept. Kai smiled and then lay back down, waiting until he heard shuffling in the quiet hall and Tala re-appeared carrying Mika, limp in his arms and fast asleep against Tala's shoulder.

"I'm surprised their not awake…it must be the change of routine…" he mumbled for Kai to hear and laid Mika down next to Kairan after Kai sat up and adjusted the five year old so there was more space, since his limbs were all over the place. Kai quietly watched Tala get back into the bed, pushing his soft sleep mussed hair from his face before lying down gently and pulling the sheets over Mika.

Kai couldn't get back to sleep and he couldn't see Tala because he was lying down and the children obscured his view so he tried to think of what they could do together that day, he didn't celebrate Christmas but he knew that a few places would still be open.

He didn't have much time to think though because Kairan's head popped up, his face a sleepy mess of confusion and he blinked his puffy eyes at Kai with a frown, Kai just smiled.

He was surprised when Kairan managed to smile at him, it was pleasant because it showed that Kairan wasn't so unfamiliar with him. The smaller blunette looked over at Mika then to Tala and smiled wider, Kai sat up again just to see Tala smiling and he was, bright and genuinely at Kairan.

He wanted to see Tala smile at him that way again.

This made him think of the night before when Tala had asked him that question.

_When was he leaving?_

He'd stared at Tala and shook his head because a part of him felt like he had been asked this question for another reason, his insecurity however minimal was telling him Tala didn't want him around and then it went into thoughts about whether Tala had another man on the side…

But he'd stopped himself averted his gaze and frowned a bit,

_"I don't know, I wasn't thinking about that."_ It was the truth so he told it.

Tala hadn't given him any response after that and he'd just decided to go to sleep.

Kairan put his head down again and he rolled over a bit and Kai was a bit shocked when he got onto his knees and started bouncing, as far as he knew Mika was still asleep but Tala was still smiling and stroking Mika's hair, Mika's little eyes were open and staring at…Kai.

Kai blinked and grinned making Mika look a little confused.

Tala got a shock when Kai moved suddenly, fast and precise, he snatched Kairan easily off the bed and lifted him up above himself, Kairan squeaking with excitement and shock in the air above Kai, held up by his firm arms like his little weight was nothing.

It was a quick toss and then Kai brought him down and started tickling him, making Kairan scream and laugh, Mika had curled into Tala and was staring.

Tala was staring too, unable to help the smile as he watched Kai play with his son but also unable to stop the need to cry from happiness and upset.

Kai eased up on Kairan who was making little hiccups of laughter and relief and Mika clutched Tala's shirt when Kai turned to him like a predator, but in a playful way. Mika started screaming even when Kai just moved to come near him and Tala intervened,

"…hey…no, not Mika…he doesn't like to be tickled…" Tala's hand had reached out to Kai's hand as he'd been crawling over Kairan to grab Mika.

Kai looked at Tala and saw how his blue eyes seemed sad and watery but Kairan snapped him out of it,

"Rawr!" the five year old exclaimed and jumped on Kai's back and shoulders, 'attacking' him.

Kai didn't disappoint, making a louder growling noise, Kairan shouted in both shock and excitement and Mika watched fascinated and scared as Kai play-wrestled with Kairan.

The thing Tala didn't do…was play like that with his children.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Kairan screamed him surrender to Tala as Kai was tickling him to tears and he wriggled as best he could and Kai let him get away, he scrambled to Tala, still laughing and he jumped over Tala, just barely managing to stay on the bed as he hid behind Tala, still giggling.

It was a lot of energy used so early in the morning.

Tala even managed a small laugh as Kairan hid behind him and Mika was now looking over Tala's shoulder at Kairan, both kids smiling.

"…who's next?" Kai was up on his knees and with a raised eyebrow looking over the three all together toward the edge of the large bed.

"Mika!" Kairan shouted and Mika frowned like he would cry and he clutched Tala like he was a life raft. Tala shook his head,

"Not you Mika…Papa won't okay…right Papa?" he looked up to Kai, the sexiness of that devious expression almost making Tala blush.

"…okay, not Mika…how about…Daddy?" he grinned and Kairan giggled,

"Daddy!" he exclaimed and Mika did the opposite, making a very unhappy noise and gripped onto Tala.

"No Mika! Let go!" Kairan started interfering with Mika making the little red head puff his cheeks out as he started wrestling with Kairan to keep his grip on Tala.

"Hey, hey!" Tala shouted when they were practically fighting over him, literally.

Kairan climbed over Tala and Mika shouted in frustration as he was over powered and they went struggling all out in the middle of the bed, Mika surprisingly holding out considering he had something to fight for, Kairan laughing and Mika frowning.

"Kai…look what you started…" Tala was about to reach over to them and stop them when his arms were grabbed and pinned down at the sides of his head.

When had Kai gotten around the boys?

Tala flushed very quickly as Kai half laid atop of him,

"Kai…the children…" he said quietly, finding it hard to keep staring into Kai's heated eyes, there was a very naughty expression on his face.

Before Tala could do anything, Kai's hands were at his sides tickling him viciously and he tried his best to stop Kai's hands but Kai knew his worst tickle spots, years of experience yet such long absence and he hadn't forgotten. Tala tried to stifle the laughter but it came out eventually.

"Kai…stop it!" he shouted out as best he could, he could hear Kai chuckling lightly and then he felt more hands and he opened his eyes to find Kairan helping Kai to tickle him.

"Haha! Stop it!" he protested getting weaker from the unfair torture, his sides hurting now from laughing.

Mika started pulling on Kai's hands,

"Leave daddy alone!" he shouted, the only one not laughing.

Kai blinked at the high pitched scream and Tala managed to grab his hands and stop them, Kai turning his attention back to Tala, who was gave him a breathless pleading look,

"Enough…please…" Tala half mouthed since he had no breath and Kai smiled and shifted his hands against Tala's, taking the pale slightly thinner hands in his own, feeling the softness of Tala's skin against his fingers.

He looked at Tala's face and then Tala's hands slipped from his own as he sat up, Kai was about to steal a kiss since the children were distracted with wrestling again, but Mika's angry high pitched screams wouldn't allow it.

Tala quickly turned to them,

"Okay Kairan, enough!" his tone was so firm that Kairan stopped instantly.

But his smile was stuck in place and in his excitement he halfheartedly tackled Kai again, but when Tala gave him a warning look he instead just bounced a bit on the bed and looked at Kai.

Kai grabbed him a bit roughly and brought his head closer, kissing the top and then letting him go, Kairan bounced to the edge of the bed then slipped off,

"Cereal!" he shouted as he bolted from the room.

Kai blinked at the door and Tala let out a tired breath and looked at Mika.

Tala was surprised to see Mika scrambling off the bed too, little frown in place.

"Mika?" Tala called to him as he padded to the door.

The defiance of his little arms crossing his chest was the cutest thing Kai had seen him do, Tala on the other hand was unimpressed and he shifted to get off the bed.

"I think someone's upset with you." Kai teased and he grabbed Tala back quickly before he could get up, he fell roughly back down on the bed and let out a sound of shock.

Kai leaned down and kissed his neck and Tala felt so strangely overwhelmed, he'd missed this so badly he hadn't fully realized.

Kai's hand wandered and it slid along Tala's bare leg, running along the back of his thigh and very gingerly Kai groped a firm handful of Tala's backside, Tala's body flared with arousal and he actually felt embarrassed. It had been so long since he'd been touched that way and Kai knew exactly how to handle his body.

"Kai…" he breathed out and his hands rested on Kai's shoulders as teeth grazed over his jaw.

"Kai…" Tala's body wanted this but his mind was in ten places at once, paranoia…was Kai intending to?…he pulled his mouth from Kai before he was kissed and reached a point of no return where he couldn't stop himself from letting Kai have him…without any protection, without anything having been discussed. He couldn't be so submissive.

"The children…Kai…" he said more firmly.

Kai's face fell from its naughty expression for a moment, he looked sad but then he smiled,

"I'm gonna make them really tired today so they sleep like the dead tonight…" he smirked at Tala who blushed again and swallowed almost nervously.

He quickly slipped away from Kai and got off the bed.

Kai frowned as he kneeled on the bed watching Tala go into the walk in closet for pants,

"Tala…what's wrong…?" he didn't know why he was asking, he was sure he knew it was about what Tala had asked him the night before.

Tala came out and he brushed hair back from his face and shook his head vaguely,

"…nothing, I'll go make you breakfast…" he walked from the room.

* * *

Tala was setting plates down for himself and Kai as Kairan and Mika ate their usual cereal. He'd decided to add some sausages with the bacon and toast and he was making omelets with some cheese and greens. He felt lost in the kitchen after having not bothered with this sort of stuff in so long.

He scooped the first omelet out onto Kai's plate, grated some cheese into the middle and he folded it up using a spatula and fork, he frowned at it afterward but jumped to attention when he realized the sausages were sizzling. He didn't even realize that his two sons were watching with wide eyed interest, never having seen Tala fuss so much, opening and closing cupboards, the kitchen filled with different and very pleasant food smells.

Mika had milk dripping from his lip as he watched Tala put two sausages into the plate with the omelet and he looked at Tala when he flicked some pepper over the egg. A minute later toast with some light margarine was added to the plate.

"Daddy…I want that." Mika pointed to Kai's plate, decorated with food that the children didn't ever eat.

"Me too." Kairan added.

Tala turned to face them with a fork held in hand and he blinked at Kai's plate,

"…wha- ?"

Kai walked into the kitchen at that moment, smiling and fresh, dressed in a T shirt, jeans and white sneakers. He walked by Tala smelling absolutely wonderful and over powering the bacon smell in Tala's senses for a moment. Tala remembered how he'd felt just a half hour earlier trapped beneath Kai and his body heated up.

He turned back to the bacon and lifted the pan from the heated plate, taking it over to the food plate and giving Kai a few pieces before tossing the rest in a spare plate. Mika was still staring at the food and Tala felt a bit lost for a second. For the most random reason he worried that he smelled like egg and bacon, that wasn't very attractive. He placed the pan with the rest of the used dishes and glanced around, Kai was outside on the patio… busy on his phone as he shifted around the patio furniture, bringing the chairs closer to one another around the table.

Tala frowned as he watched Kai smile at his phone and then he put it away in his pocket, he swallowed since his throat felt dry.

Tala saw that he'd be coming back inside and he quickly continued straightening up.

"Daddy…I wan- "

"Okay…everybody outside…it's fresh and sunny…" Kai said smiling at his kids. Kairan nodded and jumped down off his kitchen chair, turning to Mika,

"Come on…" he said with childlike urgency, "…Papa said we must go outside." He stated matter of factly.

Mika pouted again and looked at Kai very angrily.

Kai walked up to him,

"Stop this crying nonsense, Daddy's coming outside too…" he lifted Mika off the chair and carried him, Mika was too focused with looking back at Tala to realize he was letting Kai carry him outside with no hesitation, he was too interested in seeing whether Tala was coming too.

Tala nodded with a smile and Mika smiled back, Tala watched as they went outside, Mika staring at Kai like he was strange right before Kai put him a chair, Kairan was already sitting in a chair.

He came back inside,

"Come on, love…" he said as he reached the table, using utensils to put food on the second plate for Tala. Tala turned to him as he took his own omelet off the stove, Kai was being so…comfortable. Kai had been this way so long ago that Tala almost felt worried about the sudden return. When they'd first lived together Kai had even been the one to cook and clean when he had the time. It seemed like he was trying really hard to find normalcy and Tala felt guilty, since he was trying to fight off Kai's comfortable embraces and his behavior. It was deceptive comfort because it wouldn't last and Tala had to prevent himself from getting too comfortable.

Tala placed his own omelet onto the plate and then Kai winked at him and walked back out, Tala averted his gaze from Kai and stared at the counter top. When Kai came back inside he was grabbing drinking glasses to take outside, Tala brushed his hair behind his ears,

"I'm just gonna go and clean up and stuff, I'll be down in a little while." He left the kitchen quickly. Kai sighed as he watched Tala leave, it hurt him so badly to have this tension between them.

He went back outside and sat down, placing a glass next to his and Tala's food and the two plastic ones next to each little boy. He poured grape juice for Kairan and was about to pour the same for Mika when the younger stopped him with his little hand and shook his head.

"You don't drink grape juice?" Kai enquired and lifted the orange carton.

Mika shook his head and Kairan held his cup in his two hands as he sipped from the juice.

"Well…" Kai sipped his own juice.

"Apple." Mika said and looked at his half-finished cereal, moving the spoon around.

"Okay, I'll get apple juice for you." Kai was about to stand up when Mika shifted, getting onto his knees on the chair and leaning toward Kai.

"…I want that please." He pointed at Kai's omelet.

Kai smiled very genuinely and nodded, settling back down he lifted his knife and fork, cutting a relatively large piece of the omelet off, he placed it onto one of his toast slices and then picked up the toast and held it out to Mika.

The boy awkwardly took the toast slice in his hands as he sat back more stably in the chair and took as big a bite as he could from the toast where the omelet slice was. Chewing his mouth full happily, Kairan watched and then turned to find another slice that was being held out to him, he smiled and thanked Kai as he took it.

Kai watched them enjoy their food for a while and then pushed his chair out and walked into the kitchen, opening the large fridge, he took out the apple juice and went back outside. He saw both Kairan and Mika staring at his plate, where the bacon and sausages were.

Kai just smirked.

* * *

Tala entered the kitchen and sniffed a bit, he'd waited until he'd stopped crying before he decided to come downstairs, Kai always usually knew when he was or had been crying, he just hoped that it wasn't too obvious.

He saw that the extra plates with bacon and sausage were gone and he thought maybe Kai had put it all away.

Stepping out onto the patio, Tala frowned as he saw his kids eating quietly, both eating bacon, his stomach did a flip flop,

"…Kai…why are they eat- " he stepped forward and then he saw that Kai was typing out a text on his phone, Tala took a silent breath and looked away from Kai,

"…stop eating that, now." He said in his very strict voice and both of them stopped, Kairan put his plastic fork down first and then Mika did the same, both keeping their eyes down.

Kai was frowning as he looked at Tala, who noticed that Kai placed his cell phone on the table,

"What's wrong, they were asking for it and I-"

"I do not let them eat meat…"

"What?" Kai frowned, actually upset by this.

"Kai, I-"

"No, this is something that you never discussed with me, how can they not eat meat? That's bullshit-"

"Don't swear in front of them!"

Kai glanced at the two boys who were staring wide eyed at them, Kai hadn't been shouting but Tala had just yelled, Kai looked back and he saw how extremely upset Tala was, he saw through what had just happened and he knew this was coming from more than what just happened.

He felt his arm grabbed and he was turned from the direct view of his kids, Tala was staring at him,

"…you can't just change these things…"

Kai nodded,

"…listen, I'm sorry. We'll discuss this later…"

"There is nothing to discuss Kai…" Tala was speaking in hushed tones, "…you're never here to discuss anything, so I do have to make decisions and this decision has been made." Tala stared at Kai, looking very serious.

"My children will not be vegetarians, Tala."

"Daddy…" Mika piped up and appeared beside them, Tala hoped Kai hadn't seen him falter in his decided expression before he looked down to his son,

"Yes, sweetie?"

"…don't yell daddy." He grabbed onto Tala's jeans and stared up at him.

The sight of greasiness at the sides of Mika's mouth made Tala nauseous, even he barely ate meat and such.

"Go upstairs, you too Kairan, I'll be up to clean the two of you…" he glanced around Kai and saw Kairan getting off the chair and he walked by, Mika going with him.

Tala did notice that since Kai had been there, Mika wasn't being so clingy.

When they were out of earshot, Tala turned back and found that Kai's eyes were still on him, but not angrily, he looked worried and sad. Tala didn't let that look get him down, he was angry and hurting all because he was afraid of whether he was being lied to, whether Kai was still his completely and everything else was getting to him too easily.

But he wouldn't just give in to someone he didn't know if he could trust anymore,

"…if you want to change the way anything is done in this house…you'll have to be here to make me change it." Tala said very quietly, very shakily and then he moved around Kai, starting to clear the patio table, he avoided looking at Kai's phone sitting there idly.

He walked inside and he was aware that Kai had followed him in, but he was surprised when two strong arms wrapped around his waist, Tala let go of the plates so they slipped into the sink a bit noisily as Kai pressed a warm kiss to his temple and held him,

"I'm sorry, it's not my place to say anything. I know I haven't been here." He kissed Tala again.

Tala's blue eyes narrowed slightly, Kai **wasn't** saying he was going to stay, but he **was** saying he wasn't going to interfere. He tried to move away from the slightly taller male but Kai wasn't letting him go, he trapped Tala against himself after turning him around and pressed his mouth to Tala's lightly. Tala felt his body heat and his legs tingle, feeling very unstable from just the feeling of Kai's lips, he'd been like this during the time he and Kai first started seeing each other, it's like he was going to fall in love all over again.

He didn't deny the kiss, even he wanted it so badly that he wouldn't pull away, he craved Kai's intimacy and he felt he deserved a kiss at the very least. Parting his lips, he let Kai kiss him, instantly being dominated by Kai's skilled mouth, he still returned it with as much feeling as he could muster.

But Kai noticed the slight hesitation in Tala's kiss and it worried him, didn't Tala want to kiss him?

"Daddy's kissing!" Kairan giggled and was red with childlike embarrassment, he'd seen the day time soaps left to play on the TV when no one was watching and had asked Tala what 'that' was that the people did. Tala who believed education and understanding were better than naivety and curiosity, explained that it was a kind of 'kissing' that only adults did when they were in love.

Kai and Tala stopped kissing and Tala was red from the flushed feeling in his body, Kai let him go and he smiled at Kairan,  
"…your supposed to be upstairs mister." He said in a not too serious tone.

Kairan giggled some more,

"…Mika wanted to cry…" he offered as an explanation as he ran away from Tala back into the hall to go upstairs.

"I missed kissing you…can I do it again…?" Kai was teasingly asking, Tala knew this by his playful tone of voice, a tone that he'd always been familiar with. Kai had always been so doting, loving and playful with him…it left his body yearning now to become reacquainted.

"They're waiting for me…Mika is going to start crying."

"Just one more kiss…" he slipped his fingers between Tala's and was about to pull him closer when his cell phone started ringing outside on the patio.

Kai didn't seem to care but Tala pulled his hands back from Kai a bit too quickly,

"…I have to see to the kids…" he said and walked away from Kai rather quickly, leaving the blunette a bit puzzled. Kai glanced at the patio and then sighed and walked over to attend to his cell phone.

* * *

Tala was wiping Mika's mouth down with facial wipes that he always kept, cleaning off the grease with a scowl on his face, but he hadn't been able to ignore how Kairan was talking about Papa giving them eggs and sausage and how yum it was while smiling very contentedly.

He had already wiped Kairan's mouth off and he tossed the second wipe into the bathroom dustbin with a sigh, his lips still tingling from Kai's kiss.

He remembered when he was 16 and Kai had snuck him away before his science class out onto the deserted football field, under the bleachers.

Tala had known why they were there, Kai had told him almost 6 months before then that he liked Tala and they'd been hanging out and talking, but never anything else because Tala was a good catholic boy who had been keeping his homosexuality from his family since he had been 14.

So when Kai had grabbed him in the hall and smirked in his trademark way, mumbling that he wanted Tala to follow him, science was boring anyway, Tala's heart had raced. Under the bleachers, Kai had smiled and asked him how his weekend had been…

* * *

_It was a warm Monday in Russia and Tala wore his entire green, grey and white school uniform with the exception of his heavy blazer, his tie was perfect and shirt tucked in. Kai was similar, except his tie was in his back pocket and he wore a long sleeve black shirt underneath his standard white school uniform shirt._

_"It was okay…boring. You never called." Tala mumbled and leaned back against the fence watching Kai as the taller boy watched him, hands in his pockets and a cute smile on his face._

_"I know…I'm sorry. My Grandfather was visiting." He sighed and Tala watched him push some of his hair back absently as he walked closer, closing the meter space between them,_

_"Having an entire weekend without talking to you made me pretty moody…" he said smiling and Tala flushed and felt like jelly when Kai had come to stand in front of him, pressing just barely against him as he stood with his back to the fence._

_"Yeah…so you missed me?" Tala mumbled out, noticing how Kai's eyes trailed from his own downward to his lips. _

* * *

Tala remembered fondly how Kai smelled and he remembered how his body had screamed all kinds of pleasures when Kai had kissed him, it was his first kiss, the first time he'd been close to Kai in that way. They'd hugged and Kai had kissed his cheek quite often but when the sensation of Kai's tongue moving against his own came over him, Tala had had to grip onto Kai, hands on his shoulders and breath slightly increased.

Best 45 minutes of Tala's entire life, making out became one of Tala's favorite things to do with Kai, when he was 16. And it just got better afterwards when Kai had officially asked him to be his boyfriend and Tala's confidence and experience grew with Kai in his life.

"…God…I love him." He mumbled quietly to himself in the bathroom, aware that he had been daydreaming.

"Daddy?" Mika was at his side, holding onto his jeans and Tala glanced down at him and brushed his hair back from his hot face, reminding himself that he'd come upstairs to get the kids dressed and cleaned up.

"Alright...time to brush your teeth." He smiled and clapped his hands twice, they both listened as well as always and got up onto their small step ups to the basin.

* * *

Tala was going through the clothes to pick something for them to wear, cool summer day clothes so they could play in the front yard, he figured that he and Kai could sit on the porch and watch them, they'd get some time to talk. He was taking out a little white T shirt when he saw Kai peek inside the room,

"Hey…I was wondering where you got to…I tidied up downstairs." he made his way further into the room slowly and smiled at Tala who smiled back as he walked to Kairan's bed and dropped both little shirts on the bed spread.

"I was thinking, how about we take them to the zoo…?" Kai asked instead of just insisting.

Tala paused in his small walk back to the large closet and he looked at Kai, smiling in a way Kai thought was adorable and his baby blue eyes looked straight into Kai's, Tala's had been avoiding that so Kai was very happy when he was able to smile back at Tala.

"…that's a really nice idea." Tala said genuinely, he'd never taken them to the zoo, ever. He'd taught them about animals and they'd seen lion's and such on TV, but he'd never taken them to a zoo.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. It's fun and it's going to be new…I mean, assuming you haven't al-"

"Uh…no, I haven't taken them to the zoo…" Tala answered the un asked question.

Kai was absently stepping closer and closer,

"Great, so you like the idea?" when Tala nodded and smiled a bit more Kai felt like he'd achieved something, "…then we'll pack like a lunch snack basket and we can have a small picnic in the eating park, we'll make a day of it." He was speaking softly as he finally came to stand just in front of Tala.

He noticed how Tala stepped back just slightly and then nodded,

"Yeah, its sounds great, I'll just pick out more appropriate clothes for the day and then I'll go and pack the basket…" he walked back to the bed and picked up the T shirts.

When Tala turned again Kai intercepted him and took the shirts from him,

"I'll get them ready, you should pack the food, I don't wanna pack something they don't eat or anything." He was so tempted to steal a kiss but instead just respected Tala's obvious but strange and hurtful discomfort. For now.

"Okay, I'll see you all downstairs…" he shared a small look with Kai, his smile still slightly in place and Kai was pleasantly surprised with a kiss to his cheek, Tala's hand settling on his chest for a second before he left the room quietly. It was a huge indication and Kai was not taking it for granted, Tala was reacting better the more Kai showed attentiveness to his children…to his family.

'_This is home…where I'm supposed to be…'_

He was aware that he'd been neglecting his family, he felt so guilty every day and yet there was something that kept Kai working, kept him away.

He closed his eyes and then looked down at his little boys shirts in his hands, he knew he had to make things right with Tala, he had to make things right here.

He wanted it to be how he remembered it, when he'd first dated Tala and every kiss and cuddle was perfect, every touch was intimate, where he was able to make decisions and Tala trusted his judgments and never questioned his choices. Now he'd been away so much he didn't feel like he could say what he wanted and how he felt, like the fact that he didn't want his sons still sleeping in the same room; he hadn't been raised that way.

He didn't want them to be vegetarians, it was taking nourishment from their bodies that he firmly believed they needed. But he'd always compromised and he knew Tala had as well, but it had never been as uncomfortable or tense as it was earlier on the patio, he never wanted to see that look from Tala again.

That look of desperation to stand up for something and make a point.

Like Tala had to prove he was in charge. Directed at Kai, it hurt.

Kai wanted that comfort of sharing and understanding. But the loss was his fault. He was Tala's partner, Tala's dominant, Tala's man. It wasn't to take any masculinity or importance from Tala, it never had been, but it was to let Tala know that he had someone there to do everything Tala needed…always.

_'…I've been away so long…'_ he thought bitterly and frowned.

Kai started moving, walking to the closet and picking some jeans from the different sides of the closet, some T shirts with cool prints on them in light summer day material. He chose some sneakers for each of them since he assumed they'd be running around a lot.

"Daddy?"

He turned and saw Mika standing in the closet entrance and he seemed a little startled and wide eyed to find Kai there instead of Tala, Kairan popped around the corner too, both little boys were in their small boxers, they had obviously been told they had to get dressed.

"Where's daddy…?" Mika asked and brought his hand to his mouth to bite his nails, looking at Kairan who seemed mostly uninterested in which parent was there.

"Daddy's making a picnic basket…" Kai informed, perking up and speaking pleasantly as he carried their clothes out of the closet and set them down, placing the shoes on the floor. Kairan followed him and grabbed his T shirt to start pulling it on.

Kai saw Mika hovering by the closet with a frown, less of a worried one and more of a curious one,

"You've got toothpaste on your mouth kiddo, c'mere." Kai was smiling as he gestured for Mika to follow him.

There was hesitation, but Kai noticed that the little feet carried the boy to the bathroom door, where Kai slipped a clean face wipe from the package on the counter top and he crouched down in front of his 4 year old son. He got a good look at Mika's slightly slanted oval eyes, a bright blue color. His little rounded nose and barely chubby cheeks. His short red hair was flat on his head and Kai ruffled it making Mika blink and avert his gaze shyly.

Kai smiled a bit, he really did love his kids and he wished they weren't so awkward around him.

'_I'll fix this…_' he told himself.

"Oi, stop that…" he mumbled and gently moved Mika's hand from his mouth, effectively ceasing the nervous biting, "…no more nail biting okay." He gave the four year old a raised eye brow and the little red head just stared at him. Kai started wiping the dried toothpaste from his mouth and couldn't help laugh a little as he saw Mika's face contorting as he tried to make his eyebrow stand individually as Kai had done.

He went between frowning and looking shocked and Kai thought it was funny, he grabbed Mika a bit rougher than Tala usually would, ruffling his hair again and kissing his forehead before sweeping him up and half tossing him into the air.

Mika didn't have time to scream before he was carried into the room and stood back on his feet, Kai helping his recover from the shock of being tossed around with steadying hands on his little shoulders. With wide eyes he stared at Kai who crouched down and pulled Mika's shirt over his head, Mika automatically put his arms into the sleeves. Kairan was sitting on the floor and trying to tie his shoes laces, he'd had a moment of figuring out which foot was which but ultimately he managed to get it right, laces were not his specialty though.

Kai let Mika step into his little jeans as he glanced over to watch Kairan,

"Hey little man, I'll help you, come over here." He said and smiled at Kairan when the boy looked at him and then he got up and walked over to Kai who had just buttoned up Mika's jeans.

He then grabbed Mika's shoes, getting them on his feet and tied all the laces one after the other, when he was finished he sat back on his legs and looked over them.

"Hair…" he stared at their soft flat hair, he wanted to put gel on it like he did with his own sometimes, but then he didn't know if Tala would allow that. He frowned and then ruffled both their heads of hair and untidied it, making Kairan grin and he moved forward and ruffled Kai's hair with both his hands, giggling when Kai grabbed him, stood up and ruffled him up, tossing him around a bit. Mika leaned back against the bed and watched, his hand coming to his mouth as he chewed on his nail, Kai glanced over, Kairan hanging in his arms.

He put Kairan down and crouched down again and before he could say anything, Kairan had latched onto him, his arms around Kai's neck.

It took a small moment but Kai realized that he was being hugged and he felt very emotional all of a sudden, having his son hugging him. He hugged the little figure lovingly and kissed the side of Kairan's head, Kairan had his head on Kai's shoulder and he just stayed that way for a moment.

"You okay, did I scare you when I tossed you around?" Kai was aware of the lump in his throat but he ignored it. He felt Kairan shake his head and then he moved back a bit and smiled at Kai slightly, he wasn't awkward but shyer about it.

It warmed Kai's heart to know Kairan did remember him…and probably missed him and needed him. Tala was everything to Kai and definitely to his kids too, but the one thing they all had in common was the need for Kai. Kairan looked over at his little brother,

"Come on Mika!" he said with some urgency and gestured for Mika to come closer.

Mika shook his head and Kai smiled at him,

"Come on…"

It took a few seconds and hesitation on Mika's part, but after a moment he moved his hand from his mouth and took a few steps until he was closer and Kai gently pulled him into a small hug and kissed his head as well. Mika didn't give an immediate reaction, still withdrawn but not resisting Kai, it was a start.

Kai pulled back and looked at them,

"I love you guys…I really missed you…" he said to them and Kairan smiled,

"Love you too."

Mika said nothing and even though Kai knew Kairan may have just been answering to words he knew Tala said often to them, it still made him happy. He was going to get things back to the way they should have been, this was his family.

_'Tala…'_ he smiled again and then wider a moment later when he scooped both boys up on either side of him,  
"Let's go boys…there's a world of animals waiting at the zoo…" he started walking out of the room carrying them, noticing Mika was not being difficult and as he walked he felt the 4 year olds chin rest slightly on his shoulder.

"Are we gonna see monkey's?" Kairan asked and like he'd sometimes do with Tala, he fiddled with Kai's hair.

Kai nodded as he descended the stairs,

"Oh yeah…but more than just monkeys, elephants, snakes, lions…"

Mika's little gasp got Kai's attention, the little red head's eyes were wide,

"Lions?" he mumbled around his finger that was back in his mouth since he rose his head.

"Yip…" Kai grinned and Mika responded with a half-smile and his blue eyes then trailed to the bright white walls of the tiled hallway to the lounge.

"Let's go!" Kairan shouted happily as they entered the kitchen and saw Tala zipping up a cooler bag. Tala frowned and looked over and he paused a moment, blinking a few times as he registered that Mika was not only sitting in Kai's arms, but his head was rested on Kai's shoulder.

Kai walked straight up to him and grinned,

"Give Daddy a kiss…" he said to the boys and Kairan grinned and leaned forward, Tala obliged excepting his son's kiss, Mika doing the same and shocking Tala when he didn't nag for Tala to take him instead.

Kai smirked in his sexy way and he saw how Tala blushed and half smirked back, in a way that Kai loved, his pink lips curling sweetly,  
"And one for me?" he asked innocently and Tala couldn't help but shake his head as he smiled and leaned forward, Kai coming forward too and kissing Tala lip to lip sweetly.

Tala then turned around and went back to what he was doing,

"I'm almost done…then we can go…"

Kai watched him and then heaved with exaggeration as he set both of the boys up on the island counter, he turned back to Tala and stepped up behind him, his arms coming around Tala and helping pull off the silver foil to wrap the sandwiches, his lips brushing Tala's ear, Tala shifted and leaned more forward away from Kai's body,

"Kai, the children..." he said quietly, glancing over and seeing that even though the two boys noticed them, they didn't seem interested, Kairan was talking about Lions and Mika was staring at his hands.

"The children need to get used to seeing me close to you…" he breathed quietly into Tala's ear, "…if they're going to be comfortable around me."

He wasn't touching Tala all that much but he felt Tala shiver from the small sensation against the flesh of his ear, he knew Tala wanted him, needed him and yet…Tala kept pushing him away.

_'Another man?'_ he asked himself and had to suppress his anger as he took a deep breath against the side of Tala's face.

Tala felt himself warm and half melt just under a small touch, it was getting worse, this need to be with Kai, the need to have Kai with him like it used to be. And Kai's words confused him and gave him hope all at once, speaking as if they had to get used to him being there…like he'd be there all that long.

_'Maybe he will…'_ Tala felt himself hope, closing his eyes slowly and leaning back against Kai.

Kai smiled when Tala relaxed, even if it was only a little bit.

"I wanna see the lions…" Mika said lifting his head and interrupting Kairan who only grinned his agreement, both boys looking to their parents.

Tala looked at them and he smiled, leaning away from Kai as he finished the sandwich wrapping and lifted them up to put them into an open container.

"Then we better get going…" he responded and Kairan nodded,

"Take me down please…" he asked nicely and Kai, not wanting to but having to, took his arms from around Tala's waist and he stepped back over to his sons and picked Kairan up setting him on the floor.

He held his arms out for Mika and the little red head looked at Tala,

"I want daddy…" he mumbled and looked at his hands.

Kai sighed and pinched Mika's cheek, making his pale cheek slightly red and Mika pouted and stuck his tongue out at Kai, who responded just as childishly, only Tala thought that Kai looked like the naughty sort of kid whereas Mika looked like the cute sort.

He couldn't help smile as he closed the basket and glanced around to see if he'd forgotten anything and Kai looked around to, he was leaning against the counter next to Mika and Kairan was standing next to him, peeking at Tala around Kai.

"I didn't know what to do with their hair…do you allow gel?" he asked as casually as possible.

Tala seemed startled by the question and yet he felt slightly triumphant that Kai was taking him seriously about not going against him, he blinked a few times and then smiled, feeling stupid about it in the end,

"…uh, yeah I do. Not often but I do…its fine though, their hair is fine…" he was muttering and averting his gaze to the children's short hair before distracting himself with picking Mika up. The boy was getting too heavy to be carried, but Tala was pleased he wasn't clinging, just sitting on his hip.

"They look good…nice job, papa…" he teased Kai, feeling that familiarity slipping through the cracks of paranoia.

He loved Kai.

Kai winked at him and Tala couldn't help but wink back in his cheeky way, leaving Kai grinning more than any other he'd had since arriving a day before.

"I already locked up the patio…we can go …" he said when he noticed Kai glancing at the door, he received a nod from Kai and then Kai grabbed the cooler bag and slightly larger basket off the counter and followed Tala who had started to leave the kitchen already. Kairan walked just in front of Kai, turning around and walking awkwardly backward,

"Can I help carry, papa?" he asked.

Kai smiled,

"Hm…I think we'll work on your muscles a bit first…get you nice and strong, then we'll talk."

"But I'm strong papa…" he said matter of factly, shaking his little head.

"…you look just like Tala…" he laughed quietly and stopped when Kairan walked backward into Tala's legs,

"I think he looks like you…" Tala added as he put Mika down in the entrance hall and opened the front door, then glanced at Kai while taking Mika's little hand in his own.

Kai nodded,

"Well sure he looks like me in features…but his mannerisms I mean…"

Tala smiled and shook his head,

"I have to grab my wallet and phone…want me to get yours?" he asked Kai as he let go of Mika's hand and ran his hand over his sons little head soothingly, the four year old standing and leaning his head against Tala's leg.

"Uh, yeah…please. My wallet is upstairs at the bedside." he informed Tala, despite Tala already knowing that and then Tala nodded and walked back inside, Mika wanting to follow but Tala mumbled for him to stay there.

Mika stood in the doorway as Kai and Kairan went outside, Kairan jumped down the porch steps and zoomed off into the yard literally shouting 'zoom' as he went.

Kai turned around to look at the doorway when he was on the concrete driveway,

"Oi, come and help me Mika…you can start the car." he said and just as expected he saw excitement light up in his younger son's eyes and Mika glanced back inside, always looking for Tala before he turned back and quickly, as quick as he could down the stairs, came over to Kai.

* * *

Tala walked into the bedroom and sat on the bed, Kai had made the bed that morning, he'd even remembered where Tala liked the pillows to be. He ran his hands along the sheets and leaned back on his arms as he thought over the morning, Kai had been trying very hard to restore 'normalcy'.

"Maybe he hasn't cheated on me…" he said very quietly to himself, looking at the large French windows behind the sheer white lace curtain that was layered underneath the heavy bedroom curtains, it let the sun shine in as far as Tala's midsection as he sat on Kai's side leaning back.

"Maybe I don't have to worry about…" he trailed off and let his head fall back so he could just about see his bedside cabinet where the condoms were inside his drawer.

Tala sat up after a short moment and his eyes fell on Kai's small side cabinet where his black leather wallet sat. Tala reached out and grabbed it, opening the button and the two folds, he smiled when he saw a picture of himself and Kai, he was sitting on Kai's lap at a side angle and Kai's head was leaning against his shoulder, smiling at the camera. The photo was tinier than the original, wallet size, but he remembered that picture taken in Russia, long before he'd ever had the procedure for child birth.

Tala frowned, wondering if Kai felt regret at having had the children, why not have a more recent photo. But when he took out the photo behind the first underneath the clear hard plastic, he saw a picture with Kai holding a two year old Kairan standing at his side and Mika who had just been learning to walk was clutching Kai's arm tightly, Kai was crouching down smiling in a goofy way, Kairan looked sleepy and Mika looked as distracted as ever, staring at what Tala knew was himself behind the camera.

"We haven't really taken any recent pictures…" he informed himself and put the photo back inside, glancing idly through the wallet and finding nothing but cards, some cash and a few receipts. Tala slipped them out as he stood up, opening them all and seeing that they were receipts for the gifts he'd given them when he'd arrived. He smiled, Kai always kept receipts so that people could return gifts they didn't like and exchange.

"Tala!?" he heard Kai call from somewhere down the hall and he closed the wallet, clipping it soundly closed as he stepped out of the room and turned toward the stairs, seeing Kai only reaching the top just then,

"Sorry, I was just sitting down for a moment." He said quietly as he and Kai reached each other, "…where're the boys."

"Playing on the swings…" he said, "…you okay?"

"You can't leave them playing without watching Kai…" he said without as much nastiness as he might have that morning.

Kai nodded,

"I expected to find you coming down when I came inside to get my car keys…" he wiggled them noisily and then slipped his hand into Tala's free hand and started back towards the stairs.

Tala walked with him and very lightly let his fingers tighten between Kai's as they descended and Kai smiled and squeezed back, making Tala smile.

They hadn't done that in a while, holding hands seemed like so much more after so long.

When they got downstairs and out onto the porch, Tala locked up the door after setting the alarm and he turned to find Kai watching him, he glanced at the boy's playing quietly on the swings and then back to Kai.

"You said you sat down, were you dizzy…are you not feeling well?" he asked with a concerned frown. Tala blinked and then frowned back,  
"Ah, no, I just felt like sitting down…we have a long day ahead of us." he smiled weakly.

Kai stared as if he might question but then he didn't and he nodded, leaning in to steal a kiss and Tala obliged letting their lips touch briefly, Kai lingered and couldn't help but let his tongue slip passed Tala's soft lips and deepened the kiss for just a second before, as he assumed Tala pulled back and smiled at him in that unsure way.

Kai's blood boiled each time Tala looked at him like that because images of Tala being kissed by someone else would pop into his mind and from there if he let it, his thoughts would spiral out of control. He calmed himself though, reminding himself this was his entire fault, everything, Tala was just distant. But just like his kids were coming around, Tala would too.

'_God I hope so…'_ he watched Tala with sad forlorn need as the slightly shorter male walked down the steps and started to walk over to Kai's Lamborghini that was reversed into the driveway and idling. Kai whistled loudly when he glanced at Kairan and Mika, both kids looking over and seeing Kai calling them with a wave of his hand.

"They're not dogs Kai…" Tala said as he reached the car and pulled open the passenger side door.

When Kai had bought them cars, he'd made sure that their main vehicles were 4 seat's, so the Lamborghini Estoque was the perfect expensive luxury 4 seater Kai could find while Tala's Mercedes offered the same features.

"The yard is big, I didn't wanna shout." He shrugged and he saw Tala smile and shake his head as he opened the back passenger door just as the two boys reached the car.

"No shoes on the seats…" Kai instructed and Tala was suddenly reminded of Kai's strict parent voice, he remembered that tone and while he'd never liked it much, he actually felt relieved knowing the parent was still inside Kai, very much so.

And their reaction was perfect, they climbed into the car in a very proper manner and Tala just raised his eyebrows, impressed, and he leaned inside and put their seat belts on. When he got back out and closed the door he leaned his head in his side to look at Kai who was turning the air con lower in the car,

"Could you open the booth, I need to get them juice or they'll get restless…"

Kai seemed to hesitate and Tala sighed,

"They don't ever mess…" he informed Kai and watched the blunette frown in concern before nodding and he unlocked the booth, Tala just smiled and went to the back of the car.

This was going to be an interesting day…

* * *

**That Evening**

Kai opened the front door and stepped inside, disarming the alarm quietly and then switching the entrance hall light on. He went back out quickly, able to see into the car because Tala's door was open, the light being automatic and Tala was opening the back door.

He glanced at Kai who went around to the other passenger door and the two of them unclipped seatbelts and lifted the weight of their two sons, Kai carrying Mika and Tala carrying Kairan.

They closed the doors and Kai beeped the alarm on, leaving the car in the driveway knowing they'd be using his car as they always did when going anywhere when he was there. He walked inside just after Tala and glanced at Tala going up the stairs carefully while Kairan slept soundly in his arms.

Kai closed the front door and armed the alarm with a few quiet beeps, switched the light off again and then he turned and headed up after Tala, Mika fast asleep as well.

It had been a long day, the zoo had been the most tiring as the two young boys were fascinated by everything and wanted to see each animal at least 3 times in a row, back and forth and around and back again. The zoo was a big place. After that, the lunch they'd packed hadn't sufficed for all the walking and after five o clock when the zoo closed they'd gone to a restaurant and had supper. Kai sighed just before he entered the bedroom and then glanced over at Tala, Kairan was half awake, eyes barely staying open as he lay back on his bed while Tala was putting pajamas on him since there was no point in bathing them when they were this tired, they'd have to be bathed in the morning.

"Could you please dress Mika, his pj's are on his bed…?" Tala whispered to Kai and had to move Kairan into a bit of a sitting position to pull his little sleeping shirt over his head and onto his arms, then he laid him back down, smoothing out his hair and leaning over him to kiss him before getting up and pulling the blankets over Kairan.

Tala glanced over and saw Kai dressing Mika the same was he had done Kairan except Mika was making crying sounds, but the drowsy kind. Tala walked over and sat opposite Kai on the bed, Mika between them and he shushed the little red head until Mika quieted down and he was dressed and covered, receiving a kiss from Tala and Kai.

Both adults got up and Tala switched the night light on along with the bathroom, Kai switching the main light off and he waited for Tala to exit before he pulled the door closed slightly.

The walk to their bedroom was quiet, when they entered the room, Kai closed the door after himself and he looked over at Tala, who walked straight into the bathroom after switching the light on and he shut the door.

He sighed heavily and leaned against the door, slipping his hand into his pocket and pulling his phone out, giving it an irritated look and frowning deeply, he felt so upset.

He walked across to the bed and around to his side, pulling the heavy curtain closed and then switching his side lamp on, hearing the shower on as he placed his wallet and cell phone down on the cabinet. He pulled his shirt up over his head and walked to the bathroom, opening the door and going inside the steamed white room, Kai dropped his shirt into the hamper and then looked to the closed glass doors of the shower.

Tala's silhouette was barely visible,

"Tala…why are you so angry? I'm sorry about the calls." he stared at what was visible of the red head and saw no change in movement, Tala was ignoring him.

He sighed and turned to the large mirror, looking at himself as he brushed his hair back, it felt damp because of the steam.

He started unbuttoning his jeans, pulling them off and tossing them in with his shirt leaving him in his boxers. He then went to the sink and started to brush his teeth. After five minutes Kai was done and so was Tala, the shower door opened and Tala's slender arm reached out, grasping for a towel that he had put within his reach before going in, he took it back inside the shower and Kai frowned, hurt that Tala wouldn't be naked in front of him.

A minute later Tala emerged, waist and half of his legs covered by the soft blue towel, he spared Kai a glance as he came to stand beside him at the sink, grabbing his toothbrush and the paste. Kai turned to watch Tala as the red head stuck the toothbrush into his mouth and spread the toothpaste around with quick movements.

"Tala I'm sorry, I didn't answer the phone because I didn't want it to interrupt, I couldn't stop the calls, the Japanese head office as well as the most of my main offices in Europe and Canada are all still open and they call, they always do…" he explained.

Tala hadn't really seemed too irritated the first time his phone rang at the zoo and Kai had ignored it, but the following 13 times made Tala very angry, especially when the last one came at 6:30 while they were eating. Tala's mood had deteriorated rottenly after that, he hadn't bothered to speak about it to Kai up to that point.

Tala rinsed up and dried his mouth off before walking out of the bathroom, not looking back at Kai as he did so. Kai didn't bother to close the door, he had never before except for the previous night. He wanted to go after Tala but a shower sounded like a good idea, he'd feel better if he didn't smell like zoo animals and food.

* * *

Tala heard the shower start up just after he'd pulled a pair of his briefs on, a darker blue pair and he pulled on one of his baggy shirts. He rubbed his hair dry and straightened it a bit with his hands as he walked over to the bed, crawling onto the soft sheets and enjoying the smooth feeling against his body as he lay down, his back facing Kai's side.

He laid that way for a minute and then rolled over and stared at Kai's bedside, the phone sat there.

_'14 calls…' _he thought to himself and felt that irritation bubble. He knew he was only feeling so irritated because he'd seen that name 'Wyatt' on Kai's phone and he didn't know who that person was, otherwise he wouldn't have questioned. He never had before.

_'Maybe I was an idiot all this time…'_ he let his paranoia take over.

Tala sat up and glanced at the open bathroom door, he could still hear the water running so he crawled across onto Kai's side and picked up his phone, going straight to the calls list and his eyes widened a bit, there were four different call names in the 14. One was the Japanese Head Office and the other was Canada, the most calls were from 'Wyatt', including the last and latest one. Tala felt himself getting angry at that, the final number was listed as unknown but the number was visible.

Tala wanted to save it into his phone which he'd left at his bedside before going to shower, but he heard the shower switch off so he closed the window on the phone and placed it back down quietly, he rolled back over to his side of the bed and slipped under the covers.

He heard Kai walk up to the closet, he didn't open his eyes to see though.

Kai dressed quickly in a boxer shorts and a shirt and he looked at Tala, eyes closed and looking fast asleep. He'd so badly wanted this night to be for the two of them, after so much time he was aching to be with Tala again. He walked around to his side of the bed and got in, switching the side lamp off and casting the room in darkness. Not hesitating to move closer to Tala and pull the sheets down from Tala's waist, his hand sliding down along Tala's thigh with slight pressure as he kissed Tala's shoulder and neck.

"I'm sorry…I won't take any work calls…" he said quietly as he sucked slightly on Tala's neck from behind and let his hand slide up along and then down Tala's thigh again, slipping to the inside of Tala's thigh as he pressed himself to Tala's back, his entire body literally aching from the smell and feel of Tala's body, he loved Tala so much and he remembered so well but wanted to be reminded of the way Tala felt and moved…the way he sounded.

He felt Tala shiver as he caressed the inside of Tala's thigh but it was made obvious to Kai that he was being asked to stop when Tala curled in on himself, bringing his legs firmly together so Kai had to move his hand, Tala huddled into his pillow and Kai felt how stiff his body became.

That was a definite 'no'.

Kai sighed loudly and rolled onto his back, letting out a groan as his arousal throbbed painfully. He rolled his head over to look at Tala's soft red hair, his shoulders still hunched as he curled in on himself. He didn't say anything but he knew Tala was awake, he just rolled over and ignored his aching need and he closed his eyes.


	5. Those Distant Bells

**Five**

* * *

When Kai woke up the following morning he was alone in the bed, he rolled over, not sluggishly since he'd slept very restlessly and was mostly awake. He looked at Tala's side of the bed, the sheets still held the slight shape of his form but as he touched the sheets he felt the spot was cold. He sighed and sat up, rubbing his face in exasperation and running them over his cheeks, looking at the open bathroom door and only one curtain opened.

Tala had wanted him to stay asleep? He shook his head, hating this feeling welling up inside of him, Kai had never known what rejection felt like.

He got off the bed a bit angrily, standing up and not bothering to stretch he straightened the bed, making it exactly as he knew Tala liked it and then walked over to the curtains, pulling them open. He glanced out of the window and saw Kairan and Mika playing in the shallow end of the pool. Kai clenched his jaw, Tala seemed like he was deliberately trying to exclude him, it was unnecessary.

All because…

Kai turned to his phone when it started to ring and he narrowed his eyes, walking over to the offensive piece of technology and seeing the US Head Office calling and seeing it was just after 9 am.

He answered it,

"Kai." He said stiffly as he walked round the bed to the walk in closet to find something to wear after he showered. When he heard the voice on the other end he sighed heavily,

"Why do you keep calling me, Wyatt?" he asked sounding distinctly annoyed.

He walked out of the closet with a dark jeans and black tank shirt, tossing them onto the bed,

"No, I'm not returning to the states anytime soon…" he sat down on the bed, "…because there's no immediate need...look just stop calling, I'll go to the Head Office here and tie up any loose ends. Just stop calling me…" Kai was mumbling now and he closed his eyes in exhaustion,

"Wyatt…**stop** calling." He stated with finality and hung up, staring at the phone with something similar to concern on his face.

Kai then got up and went into the bathroom deciding a hot shower would make him feel better. He felt tense and his muscles felt tight, he needed to get the tension out of his shoulders. He switched on the water as he thought of how nice one of Tala's excellent massages would be right then, smooth firm hands and the kisses that he remembered would trail behind the hands, he sighed again, on top of all of it he was feeling incredibly frustrated in other areas. Glancing around to make sure a clean towel was in reach, he started stripping his clothes and as he stood under the hot fine spray of the shower, Kai decided he'd make time that day to work out…best stress reliever he could think of.

* * *

Tala was making a salad when Kai arrived downstairs, walking into the kitchen with no particular expression he glanced at Tala who was dropping tomato pieces into a large bowl filled with lettuce.

Tala was dressed and showered and Kai noticed how Tala looked a bit tired, he wondered if the other hadn't slept well. Considering everything it seemed likely.

Feeling as shit as he looked as well, Kai walked over to the fridge and opened it,

"You don't eat salad." he stated as he reached for the orange juice carton.

"It's not for me." Tala replied distantly, no greetings or pleasantries, "…it's for Hillary, she likes salads."

Kai looked up from pouring the juice into a glass and Tala glanced at him and then went on doing what he was doing. Kai felt his anger bubble but he wasn't going to fight with Tala especially when he heard the pitter patter of feet running from the pool toward the patio doors.

He and Tala had already argued in front of them and he wasn't even back for a full 48 hours yet.

Kairan rushed up to the doors followed by Mika and they both stopped at the door, Kai watched them check that their feet were dry before stepping onto the kitchen tiles and Mika went straight to Tala, Kairan went to sit in the kitchen table chair and waved at Kai with a smile.

Kai smiled back and looked at Mika who was determined to get Tala's attention, Tala gave in, eventually stopping the tugging of the little hands on his jeans and lifting Mika up, carrying him around to sit in a high chair at the counter. Tala reached into a smaller bowl and lifted a small cube of cheese out before handing it to Mika who seemed content with that as he put the piece of cheese into his mouth happily.

"Do you want cheese, Kairan?" he asked and went back to doing what he was doing, effectively ignoring Kai altogether.

"No thank you…" Kairan said as was going over to the fridge.

Kai felt lost watching his children, Kairan taking two little juice boxes from the fridge, bringing one over to his little brother and handing it up to him.

"Thank you." Mika mumbled taking the box and he tried to open it.

Kai took the opportunity and stepped up to Mika,

"Lemme get it." he said and noticed Tala glance at him.

It surprised Tala that Mika didn't object, he'd been less and less clingy and didn't nag half as much, he let Kai open the juice and slip the straw into the small silver seal without protest.

The door bell rang in the front entrance and echoed in the hall, Kai cringed inwardly knowing who that was and he glanced at Tala, who looked at him.

"I'm not getting the fucking door." Kai said simply and Kairan giggled when he swore while Mika just stared at him. Tala effectively managed not to look affronted even though his throat tightened with instant upset and wanting to cry…or scream, or even swear.

He was hiding his anxiousness and anger, keeping the un-phased mask up but that was only easy when Kai wasn't actually within radius of him, which was ultimately redundant. He knew Kai didn't like Max or Hillary and it upset him even more now because he felt like Max was the only one worth talking to about all this.

He swallowed heavily and he knew Kai noticed that he was upset but he wiped his hands off on a kitchen cloth with a disregarded look and left the kitchen.

"Daddy doesn't like swearing." Kairan said smiling as he moved restlessly in the low kitchen table chair.

"Yeah…well Papa doesn't like Uncle Max and Aunty Hillary." He said very honestly and cringed again when he heard the cheery greetings happening in the hall and he drank half the glass of OJ's contents in a gulp, wishing it was a strong shot of Vodka.

"Jesus." He mumbled and leaned on the counter, '_Tala's torturing me._' He thought and watched Mika suck the very air out of the little box that was now empty and had no juice left in it and then he blew it up again through the straw.

He heard them enter behind him into the kitchen and didn't bother to turn around, tension filling the air even before he had to face Max. Max knew he didn't like him but Hillary was clueless.

"Kai!" she said happily and he rolled his eyes, making Kairan giggle before he turned half way to face the shorter brunette. To Kai's dismay Hillary threw her arms around his neck with a large obstruction now between them when she invaded his personal space to hug him. Kai tried his best not to make contact with her pregnant belly but it was unavoidable since as a hugger, she knew how to get close. Evil s'far as he was concerned.

"How are you! You look so great!" she pulled back, _'Thank God'_, Kai breathed and looked down at her roundish face, she'd gained a little weight.

"It's great that your back, the kids must have been so happy to see you!" she went on and Kai just offered her his smallest fake smile,

"I'm alright…how are you…besides very pregnant?" He said in a way that was meant to be offensive but to someone like Hillary it was just a question, the woman saw no bad in anyone. But Tala and Max felt the discomfort and lack of interest.

Tala stared at Kai's smile, looking so real to Hillary but both Tala and Max knew it was a fake.

"Ah yes…I'll be having a little one of my own soon and I'm looking forward to it, play dates and all that, baby booties and stuff, when they start walking!" she said excitedly.

"The novelty wore off for Kai, Hil. He didn't bother to wait around for Mika to start walking after Kairan had done it." Max definitely took the first shot and Kai's eyes focused on him like a predator.

Kai suddenly thought that maybe beating the crap out of Max would relieve his frustration.

Hillary's smile faded and she turned around on him angrily,

"Jesus Max, don't be so rude!" she sounded really upset.

Tala had said nothing and only gave him a look and that upset Kai, he'd always made the conscientious effort not to directly insult Max because it upset Tala, but apparently some of those rules had been bent in the time he was absent.

Still, Kai chose to obey that one thing Tala had asked him a long time ago and not rising to the provocation,

"It's always a pleasure Max." he said in a tone laced with sarcasm and looked over at Tala,

"I'm going into the office." Was all he said and then he turned and walked out. That was provocation of his own, but he didn't give a shit, Tala was cold and he wasn't feeling like he could fight it off right then.

"Are you kidding me?" Max laughed shaking his head as Kai disappeared into the hallway.

Tala just stared at the floor where Kai had been standing and then Kairan ran round the counter to him,

"Daddy, I wanna go with Papa!" he exclaimed frowning.

Tala seemed surprised but he didn't say anything, he just nodded,

"Yeah…um, just ask him first." Before Tala finished speaking Kairan was running into the hall.

"Max, how could you say that?!" Hillary went off on him, Mika was quiet all the while sitting there inhaling and blowing air into the juice box.

"I was telling the truth!" Max said just as irritably, not shouting.

"It's fine." Tala intervened calmly despite the tears lining his eyes, "…Max knows about my situation with Kai, Hillary. Being my friend, I understand he gets angry." Tala said honestly.

Hilary had tears in her eyes seeing Tala want to cry and she stepped over to him and hugged him, Tala hugged her back and shared a hurt look with Max over her shoulder and he gave Tala a look of apology.

Kairan ran back in just then,

"Papa said I can go with him!" he jumped excited and looked at Mika, "…can Mika come?"

"No!" Mika shouted and clutched his juice box, "I wanna stay with Daddy!" he said very firmly.

"Aw, your such a baby!" Kairan mumbled and ran back out.

Tala took in a breath and pulled back from Hillary,

"I should go change him, he's been swimming." He said distantly and started leaving the kitchen, "You guys relax…Mika I'll be right down." He left the kitchen quickly.

As he ascended the stairs he wiped the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes, trying to force himself to be angry instead of sad and pathetic.

He walked into the bedroom he shared now again with Kai and he heard the shower running, Kai had looked like he'd already showered when he was downstairs, so Tala walked into the bathroom with a frown and he saw Kai smiling and watching the little silhouette of Kairan through the glass of the shower.

Kai looked at Tala when he entered and Tala looked away from him,

"…why's he showering?"

Kai sighed,

"I said he should bath because he was swimming and he said no, so I asked would he prefer showering and he said yes, so I switched the water on and gave him some privacy like he asked. I guess he heard that from you?" Kai was amused remembering Kairan saying it just a moment ago, so cute.

"He could slip and fall in there Kai…that's-"

Kai's smile faded and he became serious,

"Jesus, I'm standing right fucking here, there is no soap in there with him and the jet spray in on low. You think I'm fucking retarded?" he had pushed off the counter and was grabbing a little towel having given up trying to be nice for right then,

"Kairan, come on, we need to go." he said and opened the door of the shower a little ways, reaching in to switch the water off.

"Papa showering is fun!" he said happily and stepped out, Kai wrapping the towel around his little frame and Kairan hugged it tightly around him, running from the bathroom to the bedroom.

Kai went to follow but Tala stepped in his way,

"Stop swearing around them." He said quietly.

Kai sighed,

"Sorry…I'm pissed off." He walked around Tala and into the bedroom.

Tala turned and followed watching Kai lift the little boy, wrapped in his towel like a cocoon, over his shoulder and he carted him from the bedroom.

Tala followed Kai into their kid's bedroom where Kai dropped Kairan onto his bed, the little boy smiling because of the short ride on Kai's shoulder. While getting clothes for him, Kai glanced at Tala,

"Your supervising me now?"

Tala couldn't help it as tears welled up in his blue eyes again,

"Why are you going to work?"

Kai didn't see it since he was waiting as Kairan pulled his little boxers on but when he heard the change in Tala's voice and he looked over, his angry expression softened and he sighed,

"Because, I'm being ignored here and made uncomfortable by guests you know I don't like." He answered evenly, not swearing or yelling.

Kairan ran over to Tala,

"Daddy don't cry!" he said hugging Tala's legs.

Tala sucked it up, tears lessening and his pale mouth setting in a straight line,

"And still, even though work is the problem, your going there." he stated more than asked.

"I don't have to go, I don't even want to…why don't you send your guests home and we'll go out like a family, like we're supposed to do."

"Don't tell me what we're supposed to do, they are my family Kai. They are, all the time your not here." He didn't raise his voice, Tala didn't like causing a scene.

Kai grit his teeth and stopped himself from swearing, looking at Kairan,

"Kairan, come put your shirt on." He instructed and Kairan let go of Tala and went back over to Kai and lifted his little shirt fro the bed. He was anxious and frowning as he listened and watched his parents, having just barely adjusted to Kai being there and seeing his father upset a lot since.

Kai walked over to Tala and spoke quietly,

"Why did you never tell me any of this over the phone, how you felt, what you were thinking?"

Tala broke for a second, nearly crying but only a few tears came before he wiped his eyes,

"Because, I was just so relieved to hear your voice when you called, it was a relief for me to know you were alive, that you remembered we were still here. Kai I didn't think it'd be so hard to face the fact that you were going to get here and then leave…again." He whispered the end bit.

Kai frowned and he took Tala into his arms, holding him tightly and kissing the side of his head as Tala was only just shorter than him. Kai rested his lips against Tala's ear,

"I don't wanna go back…I want to work this out. I want to come home at the end of everyday." He spoke quietly.

Tala could see Kairan sitting and trying to tie his own little laces with a small frown on his little face and he closed his eyes, pressing his face into Kai's shoulder,

"If that's what you want then just do it. Don't make me wait to know…its killing me." He pushed Kai back from him and was a little stunned by the kiss to his lips, sweet as it was before it ended.

Tala stared at Kai who leaned in and kissed him again, playing on Tala's lower lip gently with his tongue until the red head allowed their tongues to meet but only slightly, Tala stopped himself before he was drawn into the wonderful taste of Kai's kiss. He pulled back and looked away from Kai, clearing his throat awkwardly remembering Kairan was right behind them.

Kai stepped back and glanced at the little boy,

"I'll be back in a few hours…maybe I'll take Kairan for ice cream or something. We'll talk tonight?"

Tala nodded and slipped his hands into his pockets making Kai smile,

"I haven't seen you do that in years, you used to do that in high school…hunch your shoulders up like that and walk with your hands in your pockets."

Tala spared a small smile,

"I'll see you later Kai…bye baby…" he turned his attention to Kairan who beamed at him and waved as Tala left the room. Kai turned to his son, pain in his chest seeing hurt so clear on Tala's face. He crouched over and smiled at Kairan as he took the boy's foot and tied the laces.

* * *

The drive to Kai's JP Head Office was interesting, he discovered that Kairan was a pretty quiet kid sometimes, he said nothing the entire way and only stared out of the window. Kai parked his Lamborghini in the undercover parking, the same reserved spot he had left just two days before when he'd arrived back. Kairan had been psyched when Kai said he could sit in front seat but Tala had said no and resigned the 5 year old to the back seat as per usual.

He walked round to help Kairan get out and then locked up the car and was happy when Kairan took a hold of his hand completely on his own, looking around at all the expensive cars and the large parking lot with interested blue eyes.

"You okay?" Kai asked as they approached the elevators.

Kairan nodded but Kai didn't believe him, he seemed too quiet.

He knew Kairan hadn't been to work with him before, or really alone with him since he was about 3, Kai wondered if his kids were really so detached from him that they were scared when Tala wasn't around, as if he were a stranger. When they entered the parking lot elevators Kairan's eyes looked around in interest at the lights and mirrors, he was still quiet but he let go of Kai's hand to peer at himself in the mirrors just above his head, standing on his toes and smiling.

After a 21 story climb with a few people getting in and out, none who recognized Kai but that was not unusual, however they did look at him because of the black tank shirt and jeans.

Biovolt was a formal corporation, so suits and ties all around even for women if they liked that instead of skirts and blouses, Kai had once said. He'd never been prone to forcing his female employees to wear skirts.

Some of the looks he received from women in the elevators though were different, more interested than confused about the way he looked, but Kai was used to the flirtatious looks from women. Kairan had latched back onto him when people first got in and he hadn't moved since. Kai had spared minimal greetings to everyone and when they finally reached the executive floor he was relieved and stepped out, Kairan's eyes all over the massive work area, Kai liked modern and large scale design, he always had.

Kairan's little hand tightened in his own when someone called out to them and walked over quickly,

"Excuse me…uh, where do you think your going?" a woman with long black hair rushed up to them.

Kai had been walking a bee line for the two main doors to his head of the JP sector's office when this woman rushed up to him, Kairan stared up at her.

Women with make up scared him, Hillary was about the only woman close to Kairan and she wasn't one for being flashy with make up and accessories. About the only admirable thing she had going for her.

Kai blinked at her,

"I'm going to see Rei, is he in his office?"  
She seemed a bit stunned but tried to exude some sort of superiority,

"I'm sorry, Mr. Kon doesn't take visitors, even very rarely by appointment, unless you're involved in a corporate meeting scheduled sometime this week," she looked over Kai's casual dress to imply that she doubted it, "…then you cannot ju-"

Kai raised his hand to silence her and her red lipstick painted mouth closed,

"Are you his PA?" he asked absently and started walking toward Rei's office again, Kairan holding his hand tightly.

"Yes I am…sir you can't just…" she started following and Kairan glanced at her.

Just as they neared the doors to the mostly glass walled office, nearing her desk work station set to the left of the doors, Rei stepped out of the large doors reading something in a folder,

"Anna, could you-?" he cut himself off when he looked up and saw her not there and then his eyes turned when she shouted for him,

"Sir, this man wouldn't listen! He just ignored me and-." She stopped when she saw Rei smile brightly.

"Well, well, well…if it isn't the Kai Hiwatari in person…sporting his civvies, making everyone jealous on a Tuesday morning are we?" he joked and shook hands firmly with Kai.

The expression on the PA's face as she gaped made Kairan giggle and hold onto Kai tighter.

"Yeah, didn't wanna have to come back here for a while." He smiled evenly.

Rei grinned and straightened his tie,

"Lucky me, I'm wearing my Armani today."

"Spiffy." Kai said dryly.

"It better be, it's a $3000 suit, fucking imported."

"Hey, no swearing." Kai wiggled the little arm attached to the hand in his own and Rei looked down,

"Oh man, I didn't even see him, sorry about that." He laughed and ruffled Kairan's hair, making him stare at Rei like he had done something terribly wrong.

"Ooh, don't think he liked that."

"He's not a fan of people he doesn't know."

"Seems so." He laughed and looked at his PA, still staring, red in the face with embarrassment.

"Anna, this is Kai Hiwatari…everyone's boss."

Kai turned to look at her and the apologies started coming before she could catch herself.

Kai raised his hand again and she quieted,

"Relax, it's fine, I prefer not being well known anyway." He looked to Rei, "…come on, let's talk."

Rei smiled at her after handing her the folder, "Look into that account for me please, Anna." He said and followed Kai into the office, closing the door behind himself.

"So how's it going Kai, long time huh?" he asked as he watched Kai sit on one of the sofa's in the massive office, he followed suit, sitting in another single one.

Kairan was looking out of the floor to ceiling windows at the view of Tokyo's deep city.

"It has been."

"How's the family? Kairan's way older than when I last saw him, he was like 2." Rei glanced at the boy.

"Yeah, strangely enough I felt similar when I saw him." Kai sighed and leaned his head back.

"That long?"

"Too long." Kai stared up at the ceiling.

A moment of silence passed until Kairan spoke,

"Papa…can I sit here?" he was standing just barely visible behind the big desk, pointing at Rei's chair.

"Yeah sure you can." Rei smiled and Kairan looked at him and then at Kai who nodded.

"Wow…obedient." Rei smirked at Kairan's discipline.

It was a comfortable atmosphere between them as they spoke to one another.

"Yeah, Tala's strict about manners, it's not a bad thing. I could take my kids anywhere and not worry about them misbehaving. He's done an incredible job…makes me wonder if he still needs me." Kai mumbled and shifted his eyes to look at Rei, head still leaning back.

"Ah, I see. You haven't come to fire me or pile me with work. You've come for my words of wisdom." He joked with a grin.

Kai laughed,

"Fuck you Rei." He said quietly so Kairan didn't hear him.

Kairan was spinning round and round in the chair.

Rei smiled,

"It can't be easy Kai, all that long distance relationship stuff, I wouldn't know about it. But I'm sure it'd take its toll on any relationship."

"Yeah, you're lucky because you're always home, you know your son. You go to school functions and all that stuff and you're always with your wife. I've been working."

"It's a choice man, you know that."

"I always thought work was an obligation, its one thing I was dedicated to even before I finished high school. It was what I was raised to do, now I don't think so anymore."

Rei stared at Kai's side profile, he looked worried and tired,

"Kai…you can still work from one place, plenty of billionaire's do that. Travelling was something your grandfather preferred in business, it's not something you have to do." He smiled sympathetically.

"Exactly." Kai said sitting forward, "…I did it because it was my business ethic courtesy of my Grandfather. But this company is mine now and I have efficient, trustworthy people in key positions, unlike that old bastard. So why should I have to handle all of this stuff hands on…" he sighed and rested his face in his hands, elbows on his knees.

Rei nodded,

"Nice to know I'm useful and trustworthy." He smiled, "So is that you making a decision, or you still debating?"

"You're trying to call me an idiot." Kai gave him a weak glare.

Rei made an innocent expression,

"Never! It wasn't like I was implying that you're taking too long to make a obvious decision or anything." He straightened his cuff links on his expensive black suit.

Kai shook his head,

"I guess that's it then…I'm home for good."

"Yeah!" Rei said and leaned forward patting Kai's leg with a smirk, "Now you won't be so grumpy and yell at me over the phone anymore!"

"What?"

"You'll be getting laid again jack ass…the last time I had to deal with you being a grumpy ass hole was in college when you were hung over or didn't want to right final exams." He laughed lightly.

Kai glanced at Kairan who had moved over to the book shelf now, not touching, just looking.

He sighed and raised his eyebrows,

"Hm…I guess." He wasn't big on talking about sex with friends, never had been.

Rei knew this about Kai but still stared at him and the blunette met his gaze,

"What?" he frowned.

"You were…not getting laid in America right?" Rei's tone was still sort of light.

It was a direct question even if he didn't come right out and ask, Kai blinked,

"Yes…I was not getting laid." He turned his eyes away, "…and I'm still not."

Rei nodded slowly,

"I won't comment, I know how uncomfortable it makes you to talk about the birds and the bees." He leaned back.

Kai raised an eyebrow at Rei's choice of words,

"Hn."

There was silence and after a moment Rei smiled,

"He loves you Kai, he'll come around. Tala's probably just a little worried about whether you've been getting 'it' somewhere else." He gestured 'it' with his hands, "You just have to reassure him you haven't, patch up the cracks in the foundation that have no doubt come about since you've been away ." he stood up and walked over to the coffee machine in his office.

Kai watched him with a dull expression, considering his words and knowing it was true. But he had his own concerns about Tala. He couldn't be sure that Tala hadn't filled the cracks with some sort of temporary replacement while he'd been away. Being as attractive as Tala was Kai knew he got hit on with some regularity, he'd often told Kai about it in the past.

Again the image of another man in his home…in his bed with Tala made him clench his jaw and Kai was glad when Rei's voice broke his train of thoughts.

"Kairan, you want some hot chocolate?" Rei asked as he selected the beverage and he looked over at Kairan who had taken a book out and was sitting on the floor, looking through the pictureless book, his blue eyes turned to Kai,

"Daddy, can I have?"

Rei snickered and Kai smiled,

"Yeah, sure."

Rei took the warm plastic cup and placed it on the table between him and Kai,

"Wait till it cools." Rei said and Kairan nodded.

He glanced at Kai as he went over to the machine again,

"I haven't seen Tala in months, last I ran into him was at a gas station. He seemed okay though but honestly, I don't think he knew who I was when I said hi." Rei laughed as he placed coffee down for Kai who sat forward and lifted the cup to sip the hot liquid.

"…what are the chances…that he's been…uh…?" Kai glanced at Rei, wanting a second opinion.

Rei looked at him as he sipped his own coffee and sat down again. When he realised what Kai meant he laughed awkwardly with hot coffee in his mouth, placing the cup down,

"Are you kidding? Tala sleeping with someone else?" he said quietly and shook his head, "…Tala felt like it was an eternal sin just fucking you in high school. I hardly see adultery as something he'd go diving into." Rei commented, having not known Tala in high school but knowing the family history.

Kai didn't answer but a part of him wanted to believe Rei was right, except Tala's religious ideal's had dwindled very quickly after he came to live with Kai, which was mostly because of Kai. When standing at an objective point like Kai's, Tala soon realised that religion was suffocation and very hypocritical, not that Kai thought Tala fully gave up 'faith', but he knew it didn't matter as much as it had when they were teenagers.

"I hope you're right." He mumbled and Rei just smiled,

"Don't worry Kai, you'll work all of this out."

Kai turned his eyes to Kairan when he came over to the table and took the warm cup in his two small hands and sipped carefully before mumbling a thank you to Rei, who winked at him and Kairan just looked away.

Kai felt like he wanted to mention something else to Rei, get a second opinion on something else that was bothering him but he chose not to.

Rei smiled,

"I got an idea, why don't, as soon as you and Tala are more settled, you all come over to our place for dinner, you know I love to cook. And Mariah likes to make desserts." He added with a snicker.

Kai smiled at his college friend, they both hadn't been full time attendees but the 2 days a week they did attend, they'd spent a lot of time hanging out. Rei Kon was, in a strange sense, one of Kai's closest friends. There was Brian, his Executive at the Russian Head Office, someone he'd actually gone through high school with, but Bryan was a buddy, trusted and loyal but not like Rei.

Rei understood things that Bryan, as emotionally inept as he was, couldn't fully grasp.

Where Rei was calming, centred and rational, Bryan was tactless, harsh and intimidating.

Needless to say, Rei and Bryan didn't get along. Kai smiled at the thought, business meetings and trips were interesting when he brought all of his exec's together.

Rei, Bryan and Wyatt. Japan, Russia and the USA.

Wyatt was a balance of the two and he could be very manipulative and persuasive, which made him a business asset…but also a hard card to call. Unpredictable in a sense. Kai sighed quietly and glanced at Rei.

"Do you miss Hong Kong?"

"Nope…people are nicer here." He answered with a smile.

Kai laughed,

"You just don't like seeing your parents or in laws."

"That's what I just said." He smiled.

The seriousness faded and Kai raised his eyebrows,

"I better go, I wanna take Kairan for ice cream and pick up something for Mika too…maybe, donuts." He blinked and looked at Kairan, "…does Mika like donuts?"

Kairan nodded,

"Uh huh." He finished the cup of hot chocolate, tilting it back, a few droplets landed on his blue T shirt and he licked his lips.

Rei reached forward to the little black tissue box in the center of the table and pulled one out, handing it to Kairan with a smile.

The little hands took it and thanked Rei as he concentrated on wiping his T shirt and chin.

Kai smirked,

"You think you could baby sit tomorrow night, Rei?" he raised a suggestive eyebrow.

Rei looked at him and smirked back, catching on,

"Yeah…that sounds good. Niko probably wouldn't mind making some new friends." Niko was 8 years old and looked a lot like Rei, except he was a little chubby. Rei was also 3 years older than Kai.

"Thanks." He smiled at the dark haired male.

"Anytime, now that you're gonna be around and hey, you might just have to babysit too."

Kai sighed,

"Life is never without consequence."

"Damn straight."

* * *

Kai had left the office after mentioning briefly to Rei that he would set up work in his home study and he'd conference everyone in when he was ready to let people know he would no longer be traveling on a regular basis, with a parting hug to Rei and wishes of good luck in his marriage, Kai had left.

Returning home some time later after spending some quality time with his son, Kairan looked happier than when they'd left the house and had even made small conversation in the car on the way home. He was hyper from having a massive ice cream at the parlor and was sitting forward in the back seat behind the passenger side trying to see the road.

After talking about something or the other Mika had done when he'd made a big mess and got into trouble, he'd gone silent again.

Kai was turning into their street when Kairan spoke up once again,

"Papa…please don't make daddy cry." he said as seriously as a 5 year old could and Kai felt heaviness settle in his chest.

He should have known that hurting Tala would hurt his kids, it was one and the same, the very same as he'd feel. He knew now that the little discussion in the bedroom had affected Kairan.

"No more crying, I promise. I'm staying from now on…okay?"

"You're gonna stay at home? And, and we're gonna see you every day Papa!?" he sat up straighter as Kai pulled up to the driveway and the electric gate rolled open, the high walls allowed only the highest parts of the roof to be visible.

"Yes Kairan…I'm not leaving you guys ever again." He smiled and turned around to smile at the boy, who pulled forward, stretching his seat belt to try and hug Kai but he couldn't make it and the belt pulled him back, Kairan laughed.

Kai laughed too, he loved that happy carefree smile on his sons face and he wanted to see it on Tala's face too, the love of his life.

Turning back to the gate, Kai started into the driveway and closed the gate behind, parking off the car and getting out. Kairan slowly pushed the door open after clicking the seat belt off and moved so Kai could lean in and take the donut box off the backseat. Closing up the car and leaving it in the wide part of the driveway near the garages he followed Kairan along to the door, Kairan opening it in a hurry as Kai walked up the stairs.

Max's car was still there.

He heard laughter as he walked through the hall and then Kairan ran into the lounge and yelled a hello to Tala and he heard Tala happily greet him. Kai walked straight passed the living room and into the kitchen via a second door that connected the two large rooms and hall. He placed the donut box on the counter.

He had stopped at pharmacy on their way home, he felt in his pocket and pulled out the sealed brown paper bag that held a boxed item in it.

He knew Tala had always preferred unscented lubrication, which is why he got just that. The feeling he got just thinking about using the substance on Tala made his stomach knot and he rubbed his face to try and get rid of the goofy smile.

He knew he had to work for it, Rei's words had sunken in and he was going to make the effort to get Tala and him back to where they had once been, in all departments of their lives. He would plan it so tomorrow night when Rei had the kids, he could pamper and treat Tala to everything he knew the red head loved.

He stuffed the closed up item back into his pocket, planning to hide it were Tala wouldn't find it yet and walked back the way he'd come, heading straight up the stairs and avoiding the living room. He was about to pass the children's room when he saw movement and he peeked inside. Tala was putting Mika down, clothed in shorts and a shirt, bathed after swimming and probably fed lunch, he was already sleeping and it was just passed 12 pm. An afternoon nap.

Tala must have just brought him up since he'd been in the lounge a moment ago and he leaned in the doorway, seeing Tala glance at him and then kiss Mika's forehead.

The stunning red head who never failed to make Kai fall in love all over again moved around the bed to approach the door. He wore a slightly tight white shirt and comfortably fit jeans with his feet bare. Kai could see through Tala's fine white cotton shirt slightly. Tala's body was still well shaped, he'd never lost his nicely built shoulders, slight chest definition or even his subtle abs.

Every bit the man Kai loved, right up to his blue eyes that now regarded him with worry and caution. Kai shifted so Tala could exit the room and once he was out Kai grabbed his arm lightly and turned him, pulling him against his body so they were close and he felt Tala relax just a little, his pretty blue eyes raised to meet Kai's deep auburn eyes,

"Guess who's gonna be home for all the holidays…" he said with a naughty lilt in his tone and he kissed the side of Tala's mouth sexily, making Tala shiver with his suppressed need.

As much as he wanted to be serious and demand that Kai let him witness it first, Tala couldn't help the faint blush at Kai's one hand now trailing down his back teasingly.

He smiled despite himself, since he felt excitement at Kai's words giving him hope,

"You mean it?" he mumbled.

Kai nodded and kissed Tala's mouth a few times, nothing deep but just quick and slightly passionate, making Tala about as dizzy as he did the very first time he ever kissed him. Tala's ears were even red and he wondered if Kai knew his heart was beating faster or that his blood was rushing to the places relevant to his arousal. Did Kai still know how weak Tala was for him?

Tala hated how easily he fell for Kai, he felt powerless.

"Daddy? Papa?" Kairan's voice carried along with his slightly rushed steps ascending the stairs to the hallway they stood in. Kai loosened his hold on Tala and held his face as he kissed Tala's forehead,

"I love you, you know right?"

Tala nodded weakly and turned to the stairs when Kairan appeared and was out of breath,

"I was looking for you Daddy and Papa…" he came over and stopped about a foot away.

Tala recognized Kairan's want for attention by the way he stood with his hands behind his back and he smiled at his son, wiggling his fingers for Kairan to come closer.

He smiled and opened his little arms as Tala and Kai hugged him while they held each other. Tala leaned his face against Kai's neck and inhaled, hoping to find comfort in Kai's smell…but instead Tala found the smell of cologne, one that was never a smell he associated with Kai.

Unfamiliar.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and told himself quietly that there was any number of explanations for that. Right?

Tala pulled back and Kai looked at him,

"You alright?"

"I'm fine…" he said a bit shortly and then offered a smile as he stepped back,

"I'm gonna go back down…I made lunch, so it's in the kitchen." He looked away from Kai, "…you hungry?" he asked Kairan who was holding his hand and he shook his head no.

Tala nodded,

"Okay…um, Kai are you going to come down?"

Kai knew something was weird, Tala had tensed in his hold just a moment ago but he shrugged it off. Like Rei had said, he was home now, so he could make it all right and he was going to make it all up to Tala.

"No, um, I'm gonna do some training. The uh, gym equipment still in the spare?" he pointed further down the hall passed a spare bathroom to the 1 of the 3 spare rooms.

Tala nodded,

"Yeah, I hardly use it but it's all still there." He answered.

"Great…" he smiled and turned away, walking down the hall.

Tala looked down at Kairan when the hand squeezed his own,

"Can I work out with Papa?" he asked with big hopeful eyes.

Tala couldn't help smile but he shook his head,

"No baby, there's a lot of heavy and dangerous stuff in there, I'll tell you what…" he squeezed Kairan's hand and moved toward the stairs, "…I'll tell papa to buy you little weights of your own and you can work out with those okay?"

"Okay!" Kairan said happily.

Tala decided that Kai could buy some of those really light lady weights, it still worried him, but it was okay if Kai would be watching…and Kai would be since he was going to be home.

The thought was enough to make his knees weak but his head spin as well.

He sighed quietly and once again blocked out of his concerns about Kai's fidelity as he walked into the lounge with Kairan.

* * *

After saying goodbye to Max and Hillary, it was just after 3 pm and Tala was pretty tired. He was grateful that Kairan had been occupied all day, first with swimming, then Kai and then video games, but Mika was always the handful and without Kairan as a distraction, he was even more exhausting.

He sighed at the thought and fixed Kairan something small to eat, a bowl of mushroom flavoured noodles, Kairan was fond of it.

As he placed the bowl down in front of Kairan sitting in the lounge, little traditional chopsticks included, mostly for messing as far as Tala was concerned, the sound of sobbing coming down the stairs surprised him.

Mika usually cried loudly first and then came looking for him or he'd go to Mika, this was new. Tala quickly rushed from the lounge to the bottom of the stairs and he calmed down when he saw Kai carrying Mika, who sat on Kai's hip looking a little sad and sniffling a bit but quite okay.

Kai handed him to Tala when Mika outstretched his arms eagerly,

"I heard him crying and I checked on him, he's okay." Kai thought Mika was a bit old to be crying for Tala but he wasn't about to say that and get crapped on for it.

"Yeah, he seems it. He didn't fuss when he saw you after he woke up?" Tala had to ask as Mika rested his head on Tala's shoulder still sleepy.

"Nope, he crawled right into my arms." Kai said with visible happiness and he rubbed Mika's back lightly as Tala held him.

Tala took that moment to look over Kai, his tight tank shirt was sticking to him outlining his well built upper body, a light sheen of sweat over his neck, on his face and arms, it was very tempting. He glanced at Kai's face again to find that Kai had caught him…looking. He was smiling so Tala just smiled too and turned to go,

"You get back to working out, I'll just wake him up a little, hope he sleeps tonight." He said and walked away without looking at Kai again.

* * *

Tala heard Kai pass through lounge before he saw him and he glanced up as the blunette disappeared into the kitchen, it was almost 7 pm now and Tala had been locked into watching a movie with Mika settling nowhere but in his lap. Kairan was half asleep beside him and Tala was annoyed because he was incredibly distracted.

After the sight of Kai earlier, he'd started remembering how Kai's skin felt slick and wet against his own, how he moved and how he smelled when his skin was hot from intimacy. Tala sighed for the millionth time as the animated character in the movie went on to do something lovable and child friendly.

He rolled his eyes, everything on his mind right then was far above the PG level and knowing Kai was just in the next room was making him uncomfortably hot.

He noted that Kai hadn't returned from the kitchen yet and sighed again, the movie hadn't ended but he glanced at his children. Kairan unbelievably still managed to be awake and Mika, he just knew it, would wake up when he moved. He knew it made no difference, he needed to bath them anyway.

So he shifted and as he assumed Mika woke up and clutched him tightly, Tala lifted himself and Mika off the couch and called Kairan to follow.

* * *

And so the routine went, he bathed them and bedded them with the usual hassle, except Kairan was more distracted with his thoughts and was easier to dress while Mika was ten times more problematic. Tala wanted to scream and shout but instead he just endured.

While they'd bathed Tala had checked through the window and seen Kai swimming with the night lights on in the pool, it was not an odd thing, whenever Kai had come home he'd usually still done a workout often enough.

But Tala was thinking about why's and what's and if's and it was driving him crazy.

He was very irritated by the time he left the kids room and he went straight to the bedroom, closing and locking the bathroom door as he showered and cleaned up for the evening.

He came out a short half an hour later, finding that Kai was still not there but then he heard the alarm being armed downstairs and Tala quickly dressed in a regular boxer shorts and a T shirt, crawling into the bed and laying down above the covers since the air was warm.

Kai walked into the room and looked at Tala, laying on his side but not pretending to be asleep like the previous nights. He smiled,

"Hey…sorry I'm working out so much, once I get going I usually start enjoying myself too much." He said as he moved through the room toward the bathroom, "…I'm just gonna grab a shower." Kai disappeared into the bathroom but left the door open.

Tala sat up and waited until the water started running and then he leaned over the large bed and grabbed Kai's phone off the side, he hadn't been able to get it off his mind. Going to his lists of contacts, Tala lifted his own phone from his bedside and saved the number of 'Wyatt'. He was going to put it down when he decided to flick through the received calls list, Kai had been gone a while so he probably got calls.

His heart sunk and he felt his skin prickle when he saw a received and answered call that morning…before Kai had decided to go to work.

Tala heard a noise in the bathroom and he shakily placed Kai's phone back down and then put his own down, he felt like he was going to cry because everything just seemed so wrong after seeing that call. He lied down and turned away from Kai's side and the bathroom, not wanting to see Kai naked and feel so much want when he wasn't sure what Kai had been doing that day or any other.

A part of him wanted to believe that Kai wouldn't take his son along and do something so disgusting, but then again, if Kai could cheat, then Kai was capable of lying and deceiving.

He had always known Kai was a Casanova, he'd always been sought after in high school, Tala had always been the good catholic boy…until Kai.

A while later Kai came out of the bathroom and Tala heard him move around, dressing and whatever else.

He felt Kai's weight on the bed finally and shut his eyes to hide the redness of tear burned eyes. He heard the side lamp switch off and then Kai moved closer. Tala expected Kai to try to get close like he had been doing the past two nights and while he screamed to be touched, he couldn't stop thinking of the condoms in his bedside drawer and the doubts of Kai's faithfulness.

Kai held him and kissed his shoulder and neck and whispered an 'I love you' and then…more to Tala's horror, he rolled over and…went to sleep.

Tala's tears fell before he could help it, if he'd been worried before, he felt worse now…he silently cried.

Kai didn't want to touch him? Had the desire been sated?


	6. The Last Shot Ringing In My Ears

**A/N: This chapter has been censored of x rated material, for the unedited version, readers can find me on AO3**

* * *

**Six**

* * *

Tala sat at the breakfast table the following morning with Mika and Kairan in seats either side. Their cereal bowls were empty and they were half playing and half arguing about their little army toys and coloring books, crayons and koki's all over the table. He'd had to remove the glass vase as he usually did when they occupied the table out of paranoia for it breaking and hurting them.

Tala usually spent the better part of his days with his mind somewhere between his children's happiness and safety lined with a few thoughts of groceries, things he needed to do and Kai somewhere in the mix.

Except now, since Kai was back and literally in the mix, he was at the top of the priority list with Tala's kids. He glanced at them as he raised his coffee mug to his lips and sipped it, his blue eyes lazily watching them as Mika scribbled blue over a tiger's face. Kairan frowned, a more in tuned part of him knowing the color was wrong but his interest not set enough to correct Mika as he colored his own animal.  
That morning when he'd woken Kai was awake, just laying there and staring at the ceiling, Tala had mumbled a good morning and slipped out of the bed to find his children which Kai responded to just as mumbled.

He was very surprised to find their door closed and when he entered, before he could be upset with Kai for probably closing it at some point before turning in the previous night, that Mika was still asleep and Kairan was laying in bed and talking to himself…or singing and making shapes with his hands in the air. Children kept their minds occupied in strange ways sometimes.

That struck him as severely odd yet Kairan had been normal, jumped off the bed and hugged Tala, a little tighter than usual due to the change but still…adjusted…adapted.  
Kai closed the door the previous night and had Kairan stayed put.  
There was the question of Mika though…still being asleep?

One of Mika's little army men toys fell to the floor and Tala placed his coffee down before leaning over and picking it up, placing it the waiting hand, he watched his youngest continue playing with a small smile on his face, drawing a crayon shape of the army toy over the half colored tiger in the book.  
Tala frowned and rubbed his face, he felt so tired.

Kairan had told him that he'd told Mika to carry on sleeping and while it ached Tala to believe it, it must have been true, because Mika had been fast asleep at least an hour and a half over due. His kids never woke up at 8 30, never.  
He reached out and ran his hand through Mika's short soft red hair and the boys blue eyes looked over at him and he smiled a bit,  
"Are you okay, Mika?"  
As expected the four year old just nodded half heartedly, Tala knew he didn't fully comprehend the concern Tala had, it was just words to him. Mika was not a slow child, he was just extremely unfocused.  
He knew how to count to ten and name his colors but he didn't really take notice of it, hence the reason he would color a tiger blue even though he had the general idea of what color it should be and even knew what it was.

So for Tala to understand how in just 2 days Kai had gotten his children, Mika especially, to somehow understand the point of their door being closed and needing to stay in their beds, truly baffled him…and concerned him.  
A part of him worried that Mika was afraid of Kai's authority…maybe even Kairan.  
"Are you okay, Kairan?"  
Kairan looked at him and nodded, more firmly understanding what Tala was asking,  
"Are you okay daddy?" he was swinging his legs so his little body was bobbing in the chair slightly and Tala smiled and nodded.

Kai had remained in bed until Tala had returned to the room and showered, then he'd gone in when Tala left the room. He was oddly quiet and while Tala just wanted to be accusatory and suspicious, a more guilty part of him knew it had something to do with his own distant behavior.  
Tala knew he should have been happy or at least happier now that Kai was staying.  
Yet the bigger part of his logic and cynicism prevented him from relaying such flimsy information to his impressionable children, because if Kai didn't hold to his words and he left…they'd be hurt.

He could handle it if Kai left, or so he thought, but he would not allow his children to feel such hurt and disappointment at being deserted especially when Kairan was already getting attached to Kai again so quickly, it was already a concern for him how the boy would take Kai leaving again.  
Especially now he was older and understood better.

He jerked involuntarily when a hand settled cold on his shoulder, the cold of Kai's hand coming through his thin black cotton T shirt easily. He turned his head around and glanced at Kai who was smiling at the children, they said good morning rather easily.  
Day three and already Kai was so comfortable with them…Tala wasn't upset…just scared for their feelings.

"Your hands are cold…" he was surprised by how quiet his voice came out when he said that while picking up his mug to sip the coffee. The weather outside was over cast but warm yet Tala shivered under that mildly cold hand which didn't move and instead slip along his shoulder line to his bare neck and tickled his flesh, sensitive to Kai's touch, ever so slightly before a kiss was placed to his head.  
Then Kai walked away and over to the fridge and Tala was grateful his goosebumps on his flesh went unnoticed.

There was some silence as Kai made himself coffee, pouring the black liquid from the warm pot and adding sugar, he looked kind of…content…or complacent. Tala's blood boiled but he swallowed the lump of emotion threatening to make him cry yet again.  
"Any plans today, Kai?" he said in the same soft tone as he watched him.  
"Yes…" Kai answered with a smile, "I need to go out to the mall."  
Tala stared at him and clutched his cup tightly,  
"I'll go with you?"  
Kai looked at him a little surprised and then smiled,  
"That'd be great."  
Tala felt something akin to relief when Kai looked happy, the surprise had made him worry Kai was unprepared for someone to go along with whatever he was doing but turns out if was because he didn't expect Tala to want to.  
He smiled back slightly and Kai finished making his coffee.

He came over and sat down,  
"I wanted to leave early, so maybe in an hour before the mall gets busy around lunch time…"  
It was just after ten right then Tala estimated since the time he'd woken and he nodded,  
"Yeah that sounds fine."

It did sound fine…Tala just wanted to be where Kai was when he wasn't home. And he absolutely hated the insecurity of it all. But who was he kidding, he'd never had experience with this…and he'd never been invulnerable to emotional hurt.  
If anything…Kai cheating on him would crush him.

* * *

Mika and Kairan were drinking their usual juice boxes as Kai pulled into a parking space at the busy mall. Tala sat in the passenger seat half in a daze, his mind fighting with his heart – more specifically his feelings – about trusting that Kai had not stepped out on him. He thought the ideas sounded cliché and soap opera like but it was more comforting than the thought of 'sleeping with someone else' or 'fucking someone else'. The mental picture was not favorable.

The car switched off and Tala sighed silently and got out of the car automatically.

When had his mind turned so badly to constant thoughts of sex and betrayal, the religious person he was not long ago would have done its best to swear away such vile thoughts…then again, if he'd stayed that way he might have committed suicide by this point.  
He had always known since his first crush on a cute boy when he was thirteen that he was not interested in girls, but being the ultimate sin that it was –homosexuality- Tala had veered heavily away from it.  
Prayers and acts of contrition became a seven to eight times a day ritual for him, he never looked at boys…nor girls and he kept his mind buried in school work and church and his parents constant on goings about life lessons.

Up until he was sixteen and he met Kai.

They were walking toward the mall entrance underground, Tala holding Mika's hand and Kai holding Kairan's as they crossed the drive paths to the large glass sliding doors. The mall was quite busy and Tala tried his best not to be distracted.  
Once inside Kai spoke up,  
"Breakfast first?" he looked over at Tala and Kairan was staring in the window of a home technology store watching the a large plasma display a dance video. Mika was perfectly focused on Tala always nervous out in crowds at first.  
"Um, they've eaten already." He glanced at the boys and looked back to Kai,  
"Have you?" he asked evenly and Tala shook his head.  
"Well we can eat, they can have something if they want…I'm sure they'd like a milkshake or something?" he looked at Kairan whose attention was got instantly,  
"Yes please…" he nodded with a little grin. Tala hated being the bad guy but someone had to do it,  
"Too much sugar too early in the day." he mumbled while regarding Kai passively seeing how Kairan became sad.  
Kai tilted his head and smirked,  
"Better early that later…by early evening they'll be knackered." Kai was grinning naughtily now and Tala blinked and his ears turned a bit red from his slight blush.

…and the fact that Kai used the word knackered was just amusing and disconcerting.

They sat at a quiet but half full breakfast café sort of place, where besides breakfast it was mostly coffees, confections, savory snacks and pastries.

Tala ordered a regular breakfast of toast, eggs, bacon etc. and Kai did as well. Kairan and Mika busied themselves with large blue milkshakes. Kai picked the flavor…apparently the more sugar the better.  
Tala watched him carefully as he sipped from his large coffee once he'd finished eating, Kai had finished a while ago and was wiping some milkshake from Mika's chin.

It warmed Tala's heart to see the fatherly side of Kai, it came so naturally.  
Something that Tala's parents and Kai's grandfather had never thought possible.  
To this day Tala's mother was only just amicable with Kai, polite and civil while his father usually just gave Kai looks and kept silent.

That one Christmas and their wedding night where they'd all needed to be around each other for more than a short visit, had been pleasant still because even though Kai wasn't their perfect choice of gender he was essentially everything a person could want in a partner for their child.  
To his mother Kai came across as attentive and loving and he wanted children, so the fact she doubted Kai as a naturally good dad was ignored insight of the fact that he had the money to make it happen. It made her happy because with no daughters and two other sons who were not all that in tune with their committed mature relationship sides at the time, Tala was going to give her grandchildren.  
To his father, Kai was wealthy and stable without a criminal record or any physical or mental problems, so he overlooked and unnatural birthing of children and the shame of a gay son and he focused on the good.  
And as Tala discovered at his wedding, it was also just because they loved him.

They'd told him.

It had taken them a while to accept his choice especially since his father had split hairs when Tala came out to them just before he graduated high school, but other wise it worked well. Of course things had since changed, Tala's brothers, as far as he knew, one of them was now married and both had children. His brothers had never accepted him…they hadn't even been at his wedding.  
He doubted they ever would.

He thought of Russia distantly after that unpleasant fact until he heard Kai say his name and he looked at him,  
"Hm?"  
"You're distracted." Kai leaned forward a bit to talk.  
Tala did so slightly as well,  
"Thinking about my family…and Russia." No point denying it, Kai knew everything about it.  
Kai sighed and then raised his eyebrows,  
"Maybe now that I'll be here permanently we can plan a trip or something…to see your parents. Voltaire is amazingly still alive…" he joked and Tala laughed just a bit, "…maybe we'll see him too."  
He was stunned again by Kai 's continued statements that he'd stay but he didn't show it and instead nodded with a smile, glancing at Mika and Kairan to see they hadn't been paying attention…thankfully.

Kai reached his hand out to hold Tala's, kissing his fingers and he was all over again red in the face and overly aware of their public display, some people looked and as usual Kai didn't care. Tala had forgotten a time when he'd developed a similar confidence…never quite so deep as Kai's but still he used to have confidence to love Kai openly.  
Turning his attention back to Kai's lips pressed to his knuckles lightly, Tala squeezed the hand holding his own and smiled, making Kai smile back.

Tala truly hoped this was for real…

* * *

It irked Tala that after purchasing some clothes, toys and miscellaneous shopping, Kai had still said he needed to run back into the mall to get something, leaving Tala at the car placing carry bags into the booth with a deep frown on his face.  
Twenty minutes later while he sat in the car with the radio on so the children could sing along, Kai only returned, placing two carry bags into the booth and then getting in.

Tala could do nothing but silently sigh again at the winning smile Kai had flashed him…the very same smile that had made Tala weak at the knees in high school. The first time Kai had smiled at him he'd nearly cried later that night, the influx of feelings –forbidden sinful feelings- that had cracked through the surface after years of repression made him feel so wrong.

It didn't take very long though for Kai to get right through his religious defenses, subtle touches in classes they shared, all the attention Kai gave him, how often he wanted Tala around and hinting at things like kissing and dating with subtle suggestions or touches.  
Tala knew now it had been his way of finding out if Tala was interested in boys seriously or Kai specifically.  
And Oh! had Tala been interested, Kai had no idea.  
After knowing Kai for just a few short weeks he'd been forgetting to pray quite often. He started looking forward to Kai's hand holding his under the desk in classes, or Kai whispering close to his neck about innocent things like school while it felt like a much more to Tala.  
He started looking forward to dreams of Kai which left him a little more flustered than he would have liked for his conscience.

Years of sexual interest in the same sex left Tala a wreck after a while before Kai.  
He'd eventually told Kai everything about his faith and how he felt like being gay went against everything his parents had given him and taught him. Kai had never judged him and had told him he didn't want Tala to give up faith but that they could still be together.

And while the two things didn't really go together…in Tala's mind it worked because he so badly wanted it to.  
Kai understood and all that stuff he had hoped for but ultimately still wanted to be…closer to Tala.  
That first kiss was something Tala would never forget just like his first everything.  
Kai was smart, popular and athletic…everyone had liked him despite his difference –being gay wasn't exactly popular. That and the fact he'd beaten a kid up once for calling him a fag from what Tala understood.  
Kai had never been shy about his orientation.

He couldn't be faulted for standing up for himself either.  
No one bothered him about it again…and Tala just became a part of Kai's social circle in school.  
Brian, Spencer and Ian, two jocks and a midget, were surprisingly nice people and they accepted Tala easily. It made Tala feel more like it was okay to be with Kai…to want to be with Kai, to want to share…everything with Kai.

He blushed slightly when he remembered the first time he had done something truly sexual with Kai, almost a month after their first kiss and official dating status in school but he had not yet told his parents.

* * *

_Tala had become accustomed to visiting Kai on weekends after the months they'd been unofficially dating, telling his parents he was with a study buddy since it was still a secret from them at the time. He'd also become accustomed and very partial to the alone time it afforded them, Kai's parents were almost non existent in the Russian Hiwatari estate, it was like a maze and Tala had gotten lost once or twice even._

_So when they were there they were essentially alone and never disturbed, Kai's bedroom door was always locked as well, it provided Tala with a comfort zone to really be himself, to really show Kai how he felt._  
_He had discovered how much he enjoyed kissing after the first few times, discovered how much he enjoyed the feeling of Kai being close and touching him._  
_So when they were alone and Kai's hands ran over the material of his clothed thighs or backside, or a hand occasionally crept under his T shirt to touch the smooth skin of his back or stomach, Tala wasn't shy to kiss Kai as deeply as possible or make little noises of contentment at Kai's touches and kisses to his neck._  
_He had learned that Kai liked the noises, it turned him on, Kai had told him._

_On that particular visit things had become very heated and Kai's hand had strayed a bit further than usual. They were laying down on Kai's bed and kissing, Kai's kisses just a bit more aggressive and deep making Tala make a sound it took him a moment to register as a moan._  
_Kai's hand slipped between them and was rubbing over Tala's crotch through his jeans where he was obviously aroused, a bit roughly groping him and making Tala's skin tingle violently at the sensation. He turned hot in an instant when he flushed at the touch that was more than he'd ever done before._  
_Tala heard himself mumble incoherently against Kai's lips as he closed his eyes to enjoy the pleasure from between them and Kai's kiss deepened, their lips pressing together as he pulled back and he looked down at Tala's pink lips, cheeks and half lidded eyes._

_Tala felt the button of jeans opened and then the zip cut through their slight heavy breathing and Tala swallowed, he was scared but not saying no to whatever Kai was doing._  
_"Tala…" Kai spoke and Tala looked into his face again, his nervous gaze returning from looking between them,_  
_"Yes?"_  
_"Can I…" he licked his lips, "…can I touch you?"_  
_Tala only had a vague idea of what Kai was asking and after a small beat of their heavy breathing, Tala nodded shortly._

_Kai's hand slipped into his opened jeans and beneath his under wear and the skin to skin sensation made Tala jerk slightly against Kai's hand. Masturbation was not condoned amongst staunch Catholics who didn't believe in spilling seed unless it was for procreation, so the feeling of being stroked that way was endlessly glorious._  
_Tala felt a bit embarrassed by how Kai lay above him, watching him with a smile as the red head did what he could to control his expression or from crying out while he tried not to writhe for all he was worth._

_But it hadn't stopped there._  
_Kai had mumbled for him to spread his legs and Tala had obliged, not really in the disagreeing or questioning mood right then. He heard himself gasp Kai's name in shock when the undeniable feeling of fingers went lower to a very private area. Kai met his eyes and kissed him deeply and Tala, despite his horribly afraid feelings and his heart hurting from its beating against his rib cage, remained unprotesting._  
_Tala's breath hitched, lying beneath Kai with Kai's hand where it was…felt so good._

_And then there was movement and Tala closed his eyes when Kai asked if he was okay, his touch sure and confident. And Tala didn't answer because he experienced a sensation completely different from just earlier yet just as incredible…_

* * *

Tala felt a lot more depressed after remembering such a long time ago, he was tired of the never ending thought process and when they pulled up into the driveway he slipped out of the car rather quickly. He hated this constant insecurity and how it made him second guess himself. Not that he'd ever been a sure sort of person to begin with but he hadn't been so desperate and insecure.  
He actually wondered if the fact that he wouldn't leave Kai –if he found out he'd been cheated on- meant he was desperate.  
He'd asked himself if he would leave Kai and had yet to be able to answer the question honestly.

Although a very miserable part of him felt that he would stay with Kai…or maybe have to beg Kai to stay with him.  
The thought of him consoling himself with words like 'Kai loves me, it was just a once off affair made his head spin.  
Tala didn't want to be that person…that statistic…

He'd absently unbuckled both Kairan and Mika by the time he envisioned himself crying and begging Kai not to leave him. He blinked and paled quite noticeably, even to his five year old who stared at him with little blue worried eyes.  
Kairan was too intuitive for his age and Tala hated it to a certain extent because his pain was visible to his eldest boy.  
He fought back tears and avoided eye contact with Kai who had gone round the back of the car to the booth, he helped Mika out and Kairan followed, latching on to Tala's hand and squeezing.

"Kai…" Tala's voice shook a little but before Kai could say anything, "…you can manage everything right? I'm going to make the kids a snack…" he didn't wait and walked away with his children in tow.  
Kai had looked too late and Tala was already retreating, he'd noticed Tala was distant in the car already and how the younger male had jerked when he'd placed his hand mostly in innocence on his thigh, Tala seemed incredibly uncomfortable with him.  
With a sigh heard only by him and a bumble bee that zipped past his head, he started unloading the carry bags, fully relying on his plans for the evening to help him and Tala rekindle the love he knew he felt and prayed that Tala did too…and Kai never prayed.

* * *

Kai hated how quiet everything was and yet he didn't really remember there ever being an excess of noise in the house. For the first time ever he considered that maybe it was too big for his small family…he'd always wanted comfort for Tala and the kids but he could probably find a nice four bedroom with a pool and yard in a suburban area.  
An area where there were other people, noise of children and neighbors in the afternoons…a different setting, less desolate and more homely. Would it make Tala happy?  
He wanted to make Tala happy.

His mind started racing as he sat on a pool chair while Mika and Kairan played in the pool.

He knew that Kairan would start school in about a month and a few days, February, a year later than Tala had wanted but Kai hadn't been there and deciding what school his eldest would attend was a big deal since Kairan would be the first inherent of the Hiwatari Legacy.  
But if it had been so important for his son…  
_'I should have been here…'_ he scolded himself and lifted his glass of cold orange juice to sip from, he was feeling more and more down but he didn't want to, he wanted to keep his spirits up.  
He had to be positive if he was going to make this right.

He'd called Rei when he'd slipped back into the mall and the other had said he'd be there around six pm and it was almost three right then, the time seemed to move so slowly when the house was quiet.  
He knew Tala was roasting meat and watching CNN on the television mounted in the kitchen with a glass of red wine always half full and his mind completely distracted by whatever it was that was bothering him.  
His children played happily but even Kairan seemed distracted and kept looking at Kai from where he sat on the pool stairs.

Kairan…his mind went back to his original train of thought.  
He would need to start school and Kai knew Tala wanted their children to have a good education and a good surrounding, living where they were now was up market and very private but it was isolated and very far from the main private school in the area.  
Their kids didn't even have other children to interact which was fine at first, in the early years when morals and important basic lessons needed to be instilled but now they'd be going to school and they'd start having more children interaction.  
He sipped his juice again and watched Kairan laughing at Mika clutching his float while he made plans in his head, he'd start researching private schools and the suburban areas around them.  
He'd prefer Kairan to attend an all boy's school but he knew Tala, he knew the red head would not want that at all.

He sighed. They'd have to move further into the city but seeing as the house was cold and empty for lack of happiness to a certain extent…he doubted they'd miss it. A move might give Tala something to look forward to, new furniture, décor…maybe more modern since Tala liked shick.  
A new start for them as well.

He glanced back to the patio and through the wide open glass doors he saw Tala leaning on the counter and staring up, obviously at the TV, he wondered what was going on in his head…what did he think and why he wouldn't just say what he felt.  
Kai felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket and he looked at it, the light was shining through his jeans, he didn't know who would be calling him so he slipped it out and when he saw the ID he pulled his face and cut the call.  
That was going to get annoying and become problematic, he already sensed Tala had a problem with him receiving calls so constantly when he was supposed to be on vacation. This also reminded him he'd have to let them know he wasn't returning to the states.

So he'd have to move up the conference meeting to sooner instead of later so they'd stop bothering him.  
Wyatt would have to take the reins more full time and he suspected the brunette would have a lot of questions.  
He suddenly felt like he had a lot to do.  
But as much as he wanted to get started, he had to let Mika and Kairan enjoy themselves and be tired so they wouldn't overwhelm Rei with their never ending energy.  
He smiled.

* * *

Kai had spent just over two hours in his study after bathing and changing the boys and packing their little bags. Tala hadn't seen any of this, he was still busy in the kitchen and as far as Kai could tell, the wine was going right to his head since his cheeks had been a tad rosy.  
That was 2 hours ago.

So he chose not to stress Tala with the details, Kairan and Mika were playing with puzzles a few feet from him while he searched property on the internet in his study, making notes and bookmarking, he 'd do some calling maybe tomorrow when everything was better.  
The lazy less attached side of him wanted to hire a PA to do all of this, but he changed his mind when he pictured Tala's face at the idea of having a stranger hanging around 24/7.  
Again he sighed and thought of Tala downstairs...  
He supposed Tala never was able to relax and drink wine so liberally when he was alone with the boys so Kai didn't want to take away his fun, he felt Tala deserved it.

When he'd mentioned to the children they'd be sleeping over at Uncle Rei they'd seemed a little confused, probably because they didn't know Rei…at all. Rei had said that even Tala didn't recognize him but he didn't want to question whether it was a good idea. He knew and trusted Rei and he needed to be alone with Tala.  
He checked the clock on his lap top, it was almost six and he had been trying to not think about how badly this could all go but now it was getting closer…he was worrying a bit more steadily.

He continued what he was doing for a while until he heard the gate buzzer, there was a speaker for it in each main room and his study was one of them. He stood up and Mika and Kairan looked at him,  
"That's uncle Rei, come on, you can meet him." He smiled to put them at ease and was happy when they came along calmly, Kairan helping Mika get up as puzzle pieces fell from his lap and scattered on the wooden floor.

By the time they reached downstairs Rei was pulling into the driveway, Tala had obviously let him in at the main gate after speaking on the intercom, cause he wouldn't just let anyone in…so maybe Tala did remember him.  
Tala was opening the front door when Kai and the kids got to the bottom of the front hall stairs and the red head glanced at him and then at his fully dressed kids…jackets and all.

He paused as he held the door half way open and turned a questioning gaze on Kai, he didn't look drunk just tired, but Kai could tell he was a bit tipsy.  
He looked away from Tala through the opened door when Rei was walking up to it and Tala turned to it as well and opened the door fully, his blue eyes doing a severe once over on Rei who smiled at him as he got just inside the door,  
"Hi Tala, it's good to see you again."  
"Hi…" Tala practically mumbled.  
Rei seemed a little uncertain and he looked at Kai,  
"Hey, is everything ok?"  
Kai raised his eyebrows and Mika walked over to Tala to hold on to his jeans pocket while Kairan stood near Kai looking at Rei, he recognized him from the day before so he wasn't so put out.

"Yeah…I haven't told Tala yet."  
Rei looked like he'd swallowed something sharp all of a sudden and he looked back to Tala when Kai looked over at him,  
"I arranged for Rei to babysit tonight…" he said evenly hoping for a neutral response or question.  
"Is that so…" this was Tala's quiet voice and his unhappy face and Kai tensed, "…and who exactly is Rei?" he gestured with a hand to the well dressed slightly taller man smiling awkwardly.

"Rei is my Japanese Executive Tala…you've met him before." Kai said matter of factly.  
Tala was not going down easy,  
"I've apparently met him so now I should let him take my children…I don't know this man, Kai." He took a short breath and grabbed Mika's arm, "…they're not going anywhere with some guy who runs your head office…" he grabbed Kairan's arm too as he passed and walked with them into the house.

Kai closed his eyes and took a deep breath, Rei blinked and shook his head,  
"How could you not tell him…are you trying to fuck things up?" he asked quietly.  
"He's had some wine and he was in a bad mood earlier…I don't know how to handle him, I don't know..." Kai sighed deeply and ran his hands over his face.  
"Be honest you pratt…" Rei frowned and gestured after Tala, "…he hasn't lived with you in so long, he probably has so many insecurities and you remedy this by not being open and forth coming…?" he gave Kai a distinct 'you're a moron' look and the blunette frowned and clenched his teeth.

"It never used to be so hard…" he tried to defend his bad choices.  
"So make the fucking effort or lose him…I thought you understood that things have changed." Rei raised an eyebrow.  
"Why are you being such a dick?" Kai asked without much conviction.  
"Because you have two kids Kai…and you've been an absent father. I remember having a conversation like this a long time ago when you first went off travelling. It was never a good idea…" he placed his hands on his hips.

Kai remembered that,  
"Yeah I know I fucked up…it's been three days…give me a break, I am trying." He defended and Rei shrugged,  
"I'm not the one who needs to understand that…you don't owe me anything Kai." He said honestly.  
Kai gave him an annoyed but sad look and Rei patted his shoulder,  
"Let's do the dinner thing sometime, so Tala can get to know me and my family, okay…tonight's a bit of a bust but we can always try again." Rei encouraged and Kai sighed again.

The dark haired man set his striking eyes on his friend seriously,  
"Just make sure…that there is a next time Kai…" he added a mock warning look and then turned with a wave and closed the door behind him as he left.

Kai turned and walked the way Tala had gone, he walked right through into the kitchen and didn't see them so he went up the kitchen stairs and came up in the hallway. He walked over to the kids bedroom and found them playing while Tala unpacked their little bags with some anger behind his folding when he stuffed the clothes and toys into their rightful places.

"Tala…" He glanced at Kai and looked away so Kai went on, "…I'm sorry I didn't mention it earlier. I just wanted the plans to go well for the evening an-"  
"Whatever you planned Kai…you can forget it." Tala said coldly.  
"Tala-" he tried again and stepped further into the room, Kairan and Mika were both looking unhappy now since they could sense the tension.  
"You do not…ever…think that you can make plans to send my children off with some person that I don't know…you do not assume ever again that you can do anything with them that I do not know about and approve FIRST. EVER!" he raised his voice and turned to Kai sharply, a little out of breath. Emotions running high.

Mika had started sobbing and Kairan held his hand.

Kai stared at Tala with his mouth set in a straight line,  
"They are my kids as well, Tala…"  
"Are they?" he sneered in a way Kai had very rarely seen, "…why don't you ask them if they agree with you?" his voice was sweet all of a sudden.

Kai felt anger race straight through him but he remained silent and blinked a few times when he looked away from Tala, he knew Tala was at least more than half way intoxicated so he wasn't going to argue, it would just get ugly.  
Kai just raised his hands and walked out of the room.  
And as he forced the tears not to fall…he didn't know that Tala had started to cry.

* * *

Kai felt devastated, he felt empty and worried and scared.

Scared because he loved Tala and he feared losing him.  
Scared because he didn't know if he could make this right.  
Scared because Tala looked right through him like he really wasn't there anymore.  
Hurt because of Tala's words which reflected what he really felt…

Kai felt regret for being away, he felt regret for leaving…his reasons where all selfish. He had wanted power, status, more so than he had just by being a Hiwatari.  
He was Kai Hiwatari, the former last of a long line and he had wanted the power so badly he'd shunted his responsibilities as a father…as a lover…as a husband.

He'd asked Tala to marry him.  
He still remembered Tala's confused smile, asking without words if Kai was joking. But the magnitude of his happiness when Kai told with kisses and quiet words of forever that he was serious, he wanted Tala to be his husband…legally, Tala had been overwhelmed.

His mind wandered into the territory of their physical love as he finished the last of the small shot of Vodka he'd poured himself. He vividly remembered how he'd taken Tala that night, both of them not even 4 months out of high school but so ready to commit. It was not Tala's first time with Kai but it always felt so new to him, it felt just as intense and pure as the first time when he'd taken Tala's innocence just a few months before then.  
Tala's gasps and moans, how his thin but not weak hands clutched at Kai's skin, his back, his sides, Tala's nails leaving red lines against his flesh, all in an attempt to bring Kai as close to him as was humanly possible.

…and the heat of being so close to Tala made him take a deep breath and close his eyes, leaning heavily on the bar in his study. Everything about Tala, from the way his hair would stand on his neck at the faintest of kisses or touches to how sensitive he became when aroused.  
How his fingers twitched, eyes shut tightly, his lips parted breathlessly and body tensed when he...

The things he said in the heat of the moment sometimes would drive Kai either deeper into him or over the edge, saying Kai's name, swearing he was Kai's and only Kai's …begging him for more… saying he loved him…  
Tala used to say it all the time.  
He looked up at the plain white ceiling, he couldn't remember if Tala had said those words to him since he came back…and if he had, it couldn't have held the intensity Kai craved.

He wanted to see Tala smile at him like he used to, hold him and want to be close. To laugh and play, lay and talk…share his concerns about anything and everything, to trust him completely…like before…but it wasn't like before.

* * *

The bedroom was cold, silent and Tala lay still and unmoving on his side when Kai entered later that night, he noticed his side of the bed was completely untouched.  
He stared at the thin figure of Tala covered by soft sheets and his mind wandered to whether that bed was still his own and Tala's…or had Tala been with someone else while he was away, in that bed.

Making up for Kai's absence.

He turned to head into the bathroom, closing the door quietly as he clenched his jaw tightly, thinking about how possible it could be, Rei thought it wasn't likely…  
But then why Tala didn't wanna be touched? He didn't want Kai close.  
_'Maybe it's because he's afraid I'll be able to tell that he's been with someone…maybe it was recent…'_ he thought as a small ball of panic unleashed itself in his chest.

Kai was a strong person, Kai was not emotionally driven and never became overwhelmed by depression, anxiety or even anger. He'd always had a good hold on his emotional dimensions…but right then he felt low, lower than ever and when his eyes burned he blinked and he felt the warmth of a few tears slipping down his face as his chest constricted…

…images of Tala in that bed, having things done to him by someone else…calling someone else's name…

Kai swallowed thickly, clenching and unclenching his fists, he went off on a tirade in his head about how Tala could do such a thing to him, to their marriage…to their family… and then he realized as he gripped the clean tile of the counter top, that he was just working himself up. Because he didn't know for a fact that Tala had cheated and from what he had to go on there was no way of being sure.

Sniffing quietly, his light auburn eyes irritated and tired, he started undressing a little hurriedly needing to stop his skin from crawling with some hot water to relax him.  
All of his plans, the candles and romance he'd planned had gone up in flames.  
Instead of their bedroom being a warm orange and red with the scent of melted chocolate and honey like he'd wanted, it was frigid and in darkness.  
He stepped into the shower and turned on the water, not wanting to think about how empty it was just beyond the bathroom door. The steam rose around him and he closed his eyes as he enjoyed the smalls beats of water on his shoulders and neck, running over his arms, down his lean defined torso. Following the contours of his body, over his should blades and down the length of his spine.  
Kai leaned his head back and let the water run over his face and soak his hair.  
He didn't remember the last time he'd been so aware of himself, he felt so insecure about himself.

He shifted his shoulders and heard a small cracking noise in his neck, raising a hand he rubbed at the tension building there, firm and sore muscle at the base of his neck. He felt tired, weary and alone.  
It wasn't vulnerability…it was emptiness…a sense of impending loss.

He looked down and water ran down the back of his head, dripping in fast succession from his dangling wet bangs and slicking along his back navy hair onto his neck. He felt the water slip into his ears and dull his hearing, felt it run over his now warm and slightly red cheeks and collect at the tip of his nose, running off and down to the tiles at his feet.  
He was warm now, his skin was flush and his muscles relaxed a bit.

He opened his eyes and looked over his visible definition of his torso and legs, he hadn't worked out as often since he'd been away but he was by no means lacking of his usual lean athletic body. He always ate healthy and visited random gyms wherever he'd been and as far as he could tell he was still in tip top shape. It couldn't be that Tala no longer found him attractive…

…he knew he still found Tala attractive. His soft, smooth skin and slight definition, well proportioned figure. Tala was never athletically built but he was fit.  
He held back another sigh and reached for the shower gel on the small silver rack mounted in he shower.  
He showered slowly, savoring it…the warmth and dull drone of water against the tile.  
He knew when he got into bed Tala would be warm but his side would be cold, the weather may not be cold but Tala's demeanor chilled him very effectively.

"What can I do…?" he breathed quietly against the water as he rinsed the suds off of his skin, turning the hot water up a bit more after he'd completed washing.  
After a good ten minutes of just soaking his skin so his fingers pruned Kai resigned himself to getting out.  
He opened the glass doors quietly and grabbed a towel from the rack, wrapping it around his waist as he stepped out onto the cold white tile.

After spending an additional bit of time brushing his teeth and drying off his hair, stalling, he walked back into the dark bedroom, leaving the bathroom door open for the purpose of light and he glanced at the bed. Seeing the bathroom bright lighting cutting a wide line across Tala's covered mid section on the bed, he was still in the same position as an hour ago.  
He stood there in his towel watching the very barely visible rise and fall of Tala's side as he breathed, he felt the burn again in his eyes and he shook his head.

Kai walked to the closet, finding himself a pair of boxer shorts, he dropped his towel and pulled it on, moving back into the room. He went round to his side of the bed and got in, sitting up against the wooden headboard of the four poster bed, letting the bed sheets cover just the bottom half of his legs.  
He sat in silence there, staring at the light filtering into the dark room; his mind was stuck on one thing.

Had Tala been with someone else in this bed?  
Had Tala allowed another man to have him?  
He wanted Tala to still be his and only his but now he didn't know.

His head was leaned back against the headboard and he rolled it to the side to look at Tala's red hair and the side of his face, shoulder and slender arm, bent up against his side with his pale hand holding the sheets lightly in front of his chest.  
Even in dull lighting, Tala glowed and his red hair looked vibrant.

Kai smiled to himself, remembering how Tala's hair had been the reason he'd ever looked twice at Tala in high school, seeing a shock of blood red –although shiny and a striking deep copper in sunlight- when Tala walked by him in the hall one lucky Tuesday morning.  
It had been a fluke that he'd seen the other right then and he'd never intended to meet the others eyes when he glanced back, crystal clear blue eyes, pale flesh, Tala's lips had been a slight rosy color with a slight sheen of what was likely lip balm.

He'd immediately looked abashed when he met Kai's eyes, which none too subtly trailed from his eyes down the length of his lithe frame and then back up in an easy slow movement of his auburn eyes before he smiled in his naturally gorgeous and disarming way at the red head.  
Tala had known Kai wanted what he saw in that instant and the weeks that followed had been so entertaining.

He smiled a bit more as he remembered.  
Tala would see him and look away, shrink into himself when they were in the few classes they had together.  
When Kai actually walked by him and greeted him, Tala would blush and nod his response.

It was a while before Kai started asking questions from other students about Tala and the bits and pieces start fitting together. Tala was a catholic boy, mass every Sunday without fail. Family dinners and prayers every week day…so it made sense that he avoided Kai's interest.  
But Kai had seen that blush that Tala got on his face, it was not a blush of shame by having another boy looking at him so obviously…it was a blush of embarrassment, the same kind that a girl had when flirted with, when there was interest, when there was shyness.

Catholic maybe…gay…that had also been a maybe and Kai had pursued it.  
His first move was to invite Tala to an ice hockey game, it was the end of the year before they would be seniors.

* * *

_"Ice Hockey?" Tala stared back at Kai with his blue eyes wide and a little nervous, that blush was faint beneath his skin even in the cold afternoon light, Tala was always so fair._  
_They were warmly dressed around that time of year, school coats over their blazers and uniforms; Tala's was buttoned up while Kai's was not._  
_Kai nodded and adjusted his school bag on his shoulder,_  
_"Yeah, it's on Saturday, last game of the school year…I'm hoping to make senior captain next year based on my performance." he smirked._  
_Tala averted his gaze downwards which made him blush more since Kai's tight black shirt under his open uniform blazer and coat was hugging his fit teen body. He looked back up at Kai and shook his head,_  
_"I don't think I can…my parents wouldn't allow it." he admitted and Kai sensed he wasn't lying as he shifted the books leaning on one of his arms, his own school bag on his shoulder._

_They were standing out in the cold air at the front exit of the school that afternoon._

_"You walk home?" Kai asked randomly and glanced around the few kids still leaving the school exit._  
_Tala nodded and mumbled a yes and Kai smiled,_  
_"I'll walk you…" he started walking and was pleased when Tala, though hesitantly, followed and fell into step beside Kai._  
_They walked quietly with only the sound of slight snow being crushed against the pavement beneath their feet and Kai noticed Tala relaxed a bit as they walked and he glanced at the red head, who looked back at him and smiled a bit._  
_"I like you Tala…" Kai said at that moment and he saw Tala's face heat up but he laughed nervously about Kai's words, in that moment Kai swore the butterflies in his stomach was a sign…he'd never had butterflies before._  
_"I…I'll see if I can make it to the game…I'd like to see you play Kai…" Tala responded._

* * *

He'd known Kai's name, which let Kai know that Tala had been curious about him as well.  
It wasn't much at the time but the fact that Tala wanted to be at the game, break a rule to see him…it inspired Kai.  
To say he'd shown off at that game when he saw Tala in the stands would not be wrong, though he wasn't obvious about it. He'd skated a little faster and dodged with more effort.

He'd had bruises the next day and muscle cramps for his behavior but it was worth it because after the game that night, which they'd won, he'd looked for Tala in the crowds, on the bleachers and eventually found him buying sodas at a hired vendor at the side of the field.  
He'd still had his black uniform pants on but he was in a long sleeve white shirt since he'd taken off his skates and replaced them with some boots. His hair he knew had not been great from the helmet and he was sweaty but rushing over to Tala and receiving a smile when he turned around made Kai forget that he didn't look his best.

* * *

_Tala smiled,_  
_"Hi…" he held out one of the cans of coke he had, "…I thought you'd be thirsty… and coca cola is universal." He bobbed his shoulders and Kai took the cold can and smiled back,_  
_"Thanks…" he was thirsty having not bothered to grab any water after the game, he popped the can and took a sip._  
_Tala did the same and took a sip._  
_Both feeling a little awkward…_

_Kai noticed the bubbles on Tala's lips after he drank right before he licked it away and the blunette felt those butterflies again in his stomach just watching Tala._  
_It was crowded around them, people would hang around the field for a while before heading off to a party somewhere or going home._  
_Even though they weren't the senior division of players, they were the potentials for the senior team so their games pulled quite a crowd to the private school games. _  
_"You wanna sit?" he gestured to the bleachers of the hockey stadium where the game had been held._  
_Tala nodded._

_They sat down and Tala sat with one leg underneath himself, Kai had wanted to comment on how nice Tala looked in his dark blue denim jeans and grey T shirt and his black coat, but he didn't think he'd be able to say it without using the words 'fucking sexy' so he refrained._  
_"Thanks for coming…" he said after a long sip of the coke, "…did you enjoy the game."_  
_"Of course, I knew exactly what was going on." Tala said with a cute smile and Kai laughed, catching on to Tala's sarcasm about his lack of knowledge about hockey._

_He may be shy, but he had a sense of humor and the cutest smile._

_"Well, it's noisy and violent so it couldn't have been that bad."_  
_Tala nodded,_  
_"Yeah, but I can apply the basics. The team who scored most wins." Tala leaned back against the bleacher seat one above just behind him as Kai was doing as he sat slightly facing Tala, "Congratulations and good luck on making the senior team, Kai." He smiled a bit._

_Kai stared at him for a moment, liking hearing his name in Tala's calm smooth voice. Tala glanced at him and then looked at the coke can in his own hands._  
_Kai couldn't find it in himself to be smart, charming, casual or sexy._  
_He'd dated before Tala, he was 17, he'd be 18 a few months into the senior year and he'd kissed his first boy when he was 15._  
_He'd lost his virginity just months into his 16th year and he'd been quite the Casanova since, Kai was known for chatting up cute boys at parties or at games, friendly gatherings._  
_He knew how to tell, most of the time he was right, whether someone was gay or verging on it. The few incidents where guys were not it usually just ended with a brief apology and some awkwardness._  
_But Kai was a smooth talker._

_Usually, with Tala he was being careful about what he said, he didn't want to say something that would push Tala away or make him think Kai was a pervert, even if all he wanted to do right then was kiss him._  
_Tala made him feel nervous…which was new and pleasant._  
_"I hear your…family is catholic?" he made conversation to break the silence and Tala nodded while still gazing at his hands clamped around his can,_  
_"Staunch Catholic." He informed._  
_Kai dared himself to break the ice and he reached toward Tala, who jumped a little when Kai's cool fingers came into contact with his neck but he stilled when he realized Kai was just pulling his rosary out from underneath his shirt._  
_It was a very expensive one, shiny black and white beads separated by gold and silver links and the cross was in white and gold as well, intricately designed and detailed._

_"It was my 16th birthday gift, at the beginning of the year…" Tala mumbled. Kai absently noted that Tala would graduate before he was eighteen and likely started school a year earlier than him._

_Kai didn't know anything about religion but the jewellery was pretty, he ran his fingers along the beads, being able to lean and shift a little closer to Tala to examine it, Tala was sitting very rigidly._  
_Kai looked up from the cross resting between his fingers and since Tala was so close his nose brushed Tala's long red bang and nearly against Tala's pointed nose._

_He backed up a bit but Kai closed his fingers around the cross to keep Tala from moving too far,_  
_"When I told you I like you, I meant 'like' in a boy likes girl way…did you know I meant it like it like that?" he asked quietly letting his sincerity show in his eyes. _  
_It was still noisy around them and a few people were still on the bleachers, Tala looked uncomfortable so he let the rosary fall lightly onto Tala's shirt and sat back._

_Tala took a nervous breath an a sip of his coke, Kai had forgotten about his own in his other hand so he finished it off and crumpled the center of the can with his hand, looking away from Tala for a moment, starting to feel the chill now that his body had cooled down._  
_"I…did know. I assumed, I mean…that you meant…" Tala was mumbling._  
_Kai looked back at him,_  
_"And you came to the game…so, can I assume…that you might like me too?" he tilted his head, looking handsome and sweet all in one go, he saw Tala blink and shift nervously before he looked away at the glass below them separating the ice from the stands._

_He didn't answer for a while and Kai felt a little put down since he liked Tala but he wasn't willing to push, even though he wanted to touch Tala's hair and tell him how stunning he was, sneak his hand over Tala's and whisper in his ear that he liked how Tala smelled._  
_But somehow he knew it would only do to upset Tala, he was on the verge but he was also not willing to do anything yet._

_"If you play another game…can I come to that one too?" was Tala's quiet response and Kai looked at his sad face, his nervous fidgeting with the can._  
_It was a yes…as far as Kai could tell, Tala did like him…he just couldn't say it, wasn't ready to._

_"Yeah…I'd like it if you came to every game, every practice too." Kai said back just as quietly._

* * *

It had been a silent agreement after that.

Tala had left the game by himself, saying he had told his parents he was going over to a friend to do a bible study with them and that Kai shouldn't walk him home. Kai found it amusing but Tala had done it for him so he was thrilled, he watched Tala leave with a smile on his face.

It was years ago, Kai was a grown man having filled out to completion by the time he started college. And by then Tala was still and always would be his everything.  
Since the first week after that game which he considered their unofficial first date, where he walked out of school with Tala and the red head shyly and awkwardly hugged him, Kai was hooked.

He'd gone on to look forward to hugging Tala in the mornings too, the hugs became more pliant and close, tighter and meaningful. He always enjoyed the smell of Tala's neck and hair when he hugged him, being the closest he was able to get comfortably for Tala at that point.  
He got to know Tala in the weeks that passed and even met, as a friend, one of Tala's brothers –the eldest- in passing when he came to fetch Tala from school one afternoon. He'd been aware Tala's brother would come and Tala seemed to want this to happen, as it turned out, it was because Tala was trying to familiarize Kai with his family.

Tala had two older brothers, one almost finished college and the other just starting. Then there was his mother and father. Knowing Tala was trying to slip Kai into the mix, even if it was under false pretenses, was encouraging for Kai.

This led to Kai initiating hand holding, sensing Tala was accepting him as more than a friend. Which after a few months and meeting Tala's parents, also in passing at a school parent day, led to Tala kissing Kai's cheek one afternoon.  
It was hard for Kai to not try for more, hard for him to not attempt to kiss Tala's lips when they'd been just inches from his own mouth, but back then, he'd known that if he tried for more…Tala would either go for it and regret it or he'd just regret it and walk away.

That parent day was one of the only times Tala had ever seen one of Kai's parents, his mother, and she had been as blunt as expected when meeting her son's friend. Tala was not offended since Kai had told him what his parents were like.

But in the end it had paid off, after months of unofficial 'dating' and visiting as a 'friend' at Tala's home, small subtle touches that Kai could manage when they were alone or mostly alone at school like holding Tala instead of brief hugs or lingering kisses to his cheek, forehead or temple. Any place he could without making Tala uncomfortable including Tala's hands occasionally.

Kai had made it known he was Tala's interest and Tala was his own, at school, his friends on the team knew, his class mates knew, potential crushers knew and Kai was certain a few teachers even knew that his distraction in classes were caused by the red head.  
Kai had never believed in all consuming feelings…or love as someone more experienced might had said when he was a teen, but Tala became that for him.  
By the time Tala told him that he wanted to tell his parents that Kai was more than a friend, Kai was so deep in the only feeling he experienced was relief and joy.

In the time that lapsed he'd regained his confidence and wasn't afraid to charm Tala a little, like once he'd done to get Tala to feel comfortable to sit on his lap when they were alone during a free period in the empty library. It only happened once and Tala had been so nervous and blushy about it, probably because of the sexual significance he associated with a sitting in someone's lap. It was all about his innocence, he was never naïve, just not worldly worn.  
But Kai had been polite about it, letting Tala sit to his side so they could talk and it was a break through for those 15 minutes having Tala relax like that after a while.  
He'd learned that Tala was quite a joker, he always had something funny to say when he wasn't feeling awkward and he'd learned that Tala liked sports like swimming and not so much contact sports and stuff.

So when it finally came that Tala was ready to be official they were already all the couple they needed to be. It had been an ordinary day at school when Tala told him and later that afternoon during classes Kai had slipped out with Tala before he could get to class and where no one was looking and Tala didn't have to feel like he was being judged, he'd finally kissed the red head…  
…Kai sat remembering how every bit of him felt so dazed after that kiss, after finally having Tala's lips on his own, claiming his lips as his own. Tala hadn't been upset about it either and it had turned out to be a successful makeout. Kai had kept his hands to himself except for running his fingers along Tala's clothed arms lightly or touching his face to direct the kiss, to taste more and get deeper…Tala had changed his life.

Tala had made Kai a person he preferred to be, Kai who wanted to marry and Kai who wanted children and Kai who loved.  
Power had taken Kai away from everything he had come to like about himself, in exchange for world wide recognition beyond anything his family had achieved in the past years.

Now he had his status…but he was losing his happiness.

He stared at Tala almost entranced in the dark.  
"I was so stupid…" he whispered to himself and swallowed the lump forming in his throat, "…nothing could ever be more important than you…" he clenched his jaw and stared up helplessly, the images of someone else being with Tala coming to mind again.

Taking what had only ever been his to have.

He'd kissed Tala first.  
Touched Tala first.  
He'd been the first and only to be with Tala intimately…and now he wasn't so sure.  
Kai didn't like not being sure.

The room smelled of Tala and it was the only smell Kai appreciated and memorized to the point of breaking it down to Tala's shampoo, his perfume, his body and hand lotions, the fabric softener he used…  
…and Tala's own smell…

Kai slipped down into his place on the bed and shifted closer to Tala's back, he kissed Tala's shoulder through his white T shirt and then went higher and kissed Tala's ear, tickling the shell with his breath, the wispy red strands at his ear shifted and Tala's eyes opened none too slowly…he hadn't been very asleep.

Kai's tongue slipped out to trace Tala's ear very lightly and despite the shiver that went over Tala's form his voice came out low and sounding angry,  
"Stop it Kai…"  
But Kai didn't stop it, instead he kissed Tala's neck then bit lightly at the flesh before sucking it and Tala made a small sound of pain and shock. He tried to move but Kai's arm was around his mid section and pulling him back against Kai's warm bare chest. Tala's eyes opened a bit wider when he realized Kai wasn't letting him go and he used his shoulder to try and get Kai away from his neck, his legs shifting to help him squirm.

It angered Kai quite quickly that Tala was deliberately and physically pushing him off, as if Kai touching him upset him…  
Tala had turned onto his back and pushed Kai's shoulder back with his hand to put some distance between them as he lay half way underneath Kai's lean toned weight.  
Tala had never thought of it before because he'd never been inclined to stop Kai, but now he realized with a small sensation of anxiety and probably unhealthy arousal that if Kai really wanted to have him…he could and he would do what he wanted with Tala.

They stared at each other and Tala found it hard but he held Kai's effortlessly cutting gaze, he was angry and Tala knew it, the red head could only muster a blank wide eyed stare, knowing his reasons for not wanting Kai to touch him would not be received well should he voice them.

He knew he shouldn't be afraid to say what he felt, Kai had never hurt him or inspired fear in him, but it was because he was both paranoid and completely uncertain of whether he was right about Kai's unfaithfulness…and his reasons and lack of any kind of proof wouldn't help.

He didn't know that behind Kai's anger was fear, fear and sadness for worrying about the same thing…Kai felt even more certain that Tala didn't want to be touched because he had something to hide on his naked body…if it was a recent thing then maybe even…inside…  
…he'd only been back for three days…would there be evidence?

He felt the rush of tears but to Tala it looked like just more anger and he was more than shocked when Kai grabbed his wrist of the hand pushing against the strong shoulder and he squeezed hard enough to make Tala flinch as he roughly pushed Tala's hand up and held it above their heads on Tala's pillow.

They maintained eye contact all the while as Kai shifted and again roughly placed himself on his knees between Tala's bare legs, using his knees to push Tala's legs apart. Tala's slight leg muscles tensing as Kai gripped one of his thighs and pulled Tala down so his legs were spread wider and Kai was settled comfortably enough that Tala couldn't use his legs to push him away if he held such an intention.

Kai leaned down and kissed Tala's neck while his free hand slipped under the sleep shirt and he let his short nails drag teasingly against Tala's flash as he trailed upwards over Tala's stomach and between his rip cage before he spread his hand out and at the same time he went for Tala's parted lips.

Though Tala was scared, Kai's touches vaulted straight through him, making his flesh hot and his body ache with need…it had been long…so long since he'd been touched…

…after being with Kai and becoming used to intimacy on a constant basis, having hardly ever missed a moment to be with Kai…

…almost ten months was painful and now Kai's hands and mouth were…

…tricking him…distracting him…

He opened his eyes that he hadn't realized he'd closed, he felt Kai between his legs, the blunette pressed against him. He used his free hand to stop Kai's mouth before it touched his own , pressing his hand against Kai's tense throat, he reflected his own anger in his blue eyes.  
A clear demand for Kai to stop…

With every ounce of his willpower Tala opened his mouth,  
"I don't want this…" he whispered.  
He felt his fingers tingle above his head as Kai's grip increased around his wrist,  
"You don't want to be with me?" he asked just as quietly.

They never broke eye contact even through the dark. Tala's mind screamed at him to clutch to Kai, to kiss him and let him touch him and have him and hold him and fuck him…he wanted Kai to hurt him in the way that only ever felt good. When he was incoherent and oblivious to everything but Kai's hands, his mouth and his body…that feeling of weakness he only ever wanted when Kai was close…dominating him…

…making him scream until he was too breathless to even…

"I don't want to have sex…" but Tala didn't know who else Kai had done that to and so his blood ran cold right then.  
"Why?" was all Kai could really say, his voice cracked, the kind of tense painful throat constriction that forces you to take shallow breathes and hold back tears.

"…" Tala said nothing.

He had nothing to say, nothing that he could validly say.  
He saw hurt in Kai's eyes, the eyes he'd been so afraid to stare into as a teen and thereafter found he could never look away,  
"Well?"  
Tala was unable to breathe now, his throat reacting much the same as Kai's so he just shook his head stiffly.

The words nearly left Kai's mouth before he could stop them, that damnable statement of 'Have you been fucking someone else?' but he stopped himself and Tala watched Kai bite his lip agitatedly.  
"I want to be with you…tonight, now…I need to…" Kai breathed out and averted his gaze for a moment to swallow down the pain in his throat.

Tala didn't know that Kai's reasons where the same as his but when Kai met his eyes again he became afraid to say no…Kai was his husband…Kai was his only lover ever…the other half of his miraculous children, he didn't think he could say no. He didn't know if he truly had the right to when he didn't know if Kai had done anything wrong…  
He'd already tried to say no anyway and as he knew…especially from losing complete feeling in his hand, if Kai wanted it, he'd take it.

He'd never been afraid of being hit by Kai before but by the anger reflected in his eyes, Tala prepared himself when he decided to say what he had doubted he'd be able to,  
"Will y-you use a co-ondom?" he hadn't intended to stammer but he couldn't help it.  
Kai's face paled.

Pale.  
His eyes even paled.

Tala felt himself pale when he saw Kai's face change.  
He looked disgusted.  
"A condom?" his voice was not a whisper, not a shout, but a firm questionable tone.  
Tala blinked,  
"Please…Kai…" he tried to move, wiggle his fingers but before he could say 'wait' or 'you don't understand' like he wanted to, to Kai his words had sounded like a reiteration of his request and Kai shut down.

Tala was stunned when Kai let his wrist go and almost violently Kai started to remove Tala's briefs, almost ripping them in the process and his knuckles would bruise Tala from the little struggle with the clothing.  
Kai leaned back and shifted to remove his boxers and Tala brought his legs up to himself, half sitting up and feeling himself start to shake, he was fully able to see what was about to happen.

Kai was about to take it…

"Kai…I…" he breathed and watched with wide eyes.  
Kai had his shorts off and he grabbed Tala's ankle, pulling him right back down to where he'd been and off balance. Tala didn't struggle but Kai still handled him roughly and tears made their way onto his cheeks as his legs were positioned around Kai's waist.  
Kai didn't look at him as he did these things, he kept his eyes focused on Tala's pillow or mouth as he shifted, using one strong hand to again force Tala's hands above his head even though he wasn't struggling.

"Kai…I'm sorry…" Tala sobbed and a tremor traveled through his body as he apologized and resigned himself.

Again to Kai it was vague…in his pain and fear and desperation it sounded like a confession when really Tala was sorry for bringing Kai to this point…for pushing Kai to such anger without good reason. They could have talked…Tala could have talked instead of handling it this way…  
He felt deep misery at the turn that things were taking.

Kai was in position, he felt Tala's legs tense around his waist and Tala's wrists tensed as well. He was clenching his fists and preparing himself for what he knew was to come with almost no lubrication but Kai's earlier build up which wouldn't make much difference…to the pain.  
But it was too late.

Kai hurt when it happened and the smooth thighs at his sides went rigid, Tala's breath hitched and Kai couldn't look up from the side of Tala's face to see the tears he knew were there, or the breath he could no longer hear as he violated Tala…

It was a violation…Tala had said no…now he was hurting because Kai couldn't let his anger go. Tala's voice came out low, not a word but a sound of pain, low and quiet.

All movement stopped.

Kai's hand on Tala's wrists loosened and he dragged them down with intention to push himself off of Tala but he found that he couldn't. He felt so weak…  
Tala was in immense pain, he and Kai had had sex without lubrication before but never without preparation. The pain was so intense Tala couldn't help but cry and then it stopped and he felt the blood rush into his cold fingers when Kai let him go.

Then the pressure and pain was gone and there was a sound between their breathing.  
Tala heard it and then he felt it…Kai was crying, his entire body above Tala was shaking with quiet sobs and it reverberated through Tala's body too.

Tala brought his hands down and placed them onto Kai's warm back and one on the back of his neck and held him that way, very tightly.

For whatever reason…Kai cried harder.


	7. When It's Over We Still Have To Clear Up

** Seven**

* * *

Neither Kai nor Tala slept that night, there would be no sleeping for either of them for a while, not without restlessness. What had transpired that night and also the very idea of what could have but did not happen left a vast emptiness in Kai and he knew it left much worse in Tala.

Had he gone through with it, if it was not already border lining the fact, it would have been rape.

No matter how much he loved Tala, no matter how much Tala loved him, no matter how long they'd been together and married…no matter anything, Tala had said no, he'd struggled showing his protest and Kai hadn't stopped soon enough.

He only hoped he hadn't stopped too late as well or the damage of his actions would be irreparable.

Never mind the overwhelming pain and dark all encompassing sense of dread and betrayal he felt at what he felt was Tala's likely confession the night before, what he had done was worse.

And so he lay awake all through the night, having rolled himself away from Tala, stiff and inexplicably sore everywhere and nowhere with pain, he'd face his back to Tala and lay there still.

As far as he could tell Tala didn't move behind him.

Not until so many quiet hours passed and light appeared dully against the other side of the curtains.

Tala could not have left the bed faster than he did when light touched the room.

Kai understood.

In the dark they could lay and pretend it was a bad dream but in day light…it would all be laid bare.

Kai didn't move as he listened with his bloodshot eyes staring at the far wall, to Tala moving around in the bathroom and then emerging and leaving the room.

No…he didn't slam the door…he closed it quietly.

Quietly as if something secret had happened…something shameful and secretive in a house only the two of them shared and would ever know about.

Kai blinked and his eyes burned.

How did he get here…?

Tala made it to his children's bedroom and paused outside their closed door, staring at the door handle with wide misted blue eyes, noticing his hand shaking above it.

He hadn't stopped shaking. It had slowed to a small tremor from its first rattles after…the incident with Kai.

Determined not to start sobbing quietly like he'd done all night, Tala steeled his emotions and opened the door to the sight of them still asleep. It was far too early for them but oh how he needed their comfort. Tala was about to leave when he realized his options were alone downstairs in the dead cold empty house which never offered comfort on his best day…or back to the bedroom.

Swallowing heavily he chose instead to step into the room and close the door after him, feeling a little warmer already as he approached Mika's bed and pulled the covers back allowing him a space to slip in beside Mika. The four year old only needed a moment to open his eyes and see Tala before he settled back down again with Tala next to him, his little warm body curled into Tala's side, making Tala feel less shaken and alone.

* * *

Kai laid in the bed for only ten minutes longer after Tala left the room, never before had he been so emotionally traumatized, he'd never felt so confused and more importantly to Kai's pride, he'd never felt so disgusted with himself.

He sat on his bed side, blinking more than usual because of his sandy eyes, as he tried to organize the feelings and thoughts. How did a couple recover from something like this?

From a violation like he'd done to Tala.

From a looming possibility of an extramarital affair.

Kai rubbed at his eyes with his hand and he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

Pushing everything from his mind forcefully, he got to his feet and made his way to the bathroom, walking quietly across the dull room, the sun had not come up just yet and Kai was glad to shut the eerie morning glow out of the bathroom when he stepped inside.

* * *

"…daddy…daddy?"

Tala felt something moving his shoulder lightly and he opened his eyes, his vision was a little blurry at first from his interrupted needed sleep but when he focused he saw Mika sitting beside him biting his thumb nail, Kairan was sitting just behind him on the edge of the single bed.

Seeing them both smile at him, Tala forced himself to smile at them through his gloom and he sat up slowly, pushing hair back from his face and taking a deep breath,

"How long have you been awake?" he asked.

"We just woke up…" Kairan whispered to him.

Tala frowned and reached out to run his hand over Mika's head, neatening his hair,

"Why are you whispering?"

"Because you're whispering daddy." Kairan answered logically.

Tala hadn't realized how quietly he was speaking but he knew it was some subconscious need to avoid Kai, miserably he wondered if this was how it was going to be from now on.

"Dad, are you okay? Your eyes look red…" Kairan pointed out.

Mika as usual said nothing and instead made himself comfortable on Tala's lap.

Tala's throat got a little tense but he nodded,

"Yes I'm fine, I didn't get a lot of sleep…" he mumbled.

"Did you have nightmares?" came Mika's quiet voice and Tala looked down to see his little blue eyes looking up at him curiously.

Tala smiled at his son's rationalizing, of course to a 4 year old, nothing but nightmares could keep you awake,

"Was it a boogie man?" Mika sat up now, a little startled by his own questions, scaring himself.

Tala shook his head,

"There's not such thing as a boogie man, you know that…" Tala said quietly, not allowing the memory of Kai saying that they should nip that crap in the bud before it even started…even though when it started he hadn't been there to nip anything.

Tala had to keep his thoughts on his kids, the more he thought of Kai the angrier and uncertain he became.

Kairan was snickering,

"Your so stupid…boogie man…" he joked like he knew so much better, not long ago he'd been whining about the same thing.

"He's not stupid…" Tala gave him a weak scolding look, "…there are people in this world to be careful for like…?" he paused.

Mika just lolled his head to the side and raised his eyebrows, Kairan nodded,

"Strangers who try to talk to us and people who do things that we know are wrong to other people or to us." He said as he'd been taught.

Mika saw Tala give him a look and he nodded, his head bobbing up and down distractedly.

He smiled at them, glad they had each other and that he had them, especially now, the proved to be very calming to his unrest.

"Are you sick daddy?" Kairan ventured when Tala didn't say anything else.

Tala frowned,

"No, I just couldn't sleep, I'm fine." He said again…fine. FINE FINE FINE. He wasn't fine.

But Kairan and Mika didn't need to know that, his children didn't need to be unhappy because he was unhappy.

His children…their children. His and Kai's.

That's right, they had children and these two precious, innocent, loving children depended on him for everything…and they depended on Kai.

"-we have eggs for breakfast daddy?" Tala heard Kairan say and he started to shift in that restless way which happened right before he bolted for the kitchen and Mika smiled and started to get off the bed at the sound of eggs for breakfast.

Yes, Kai was already integrated…three days and he'd change a breakfast routine of a full year.

"Eggs…" Tala mumbled and looked at the two hopeful faces, "…alright…" he gave in and they exclaimed, making him wince because they quiet was lost and they both rushed to the door, again, Mika wasn't being clingy.

Kai's presence changed things.

Tala leaned back against the bright blue painted headboard of Mika's bed and he sighed, looking around the room, sunlight was bright against the closed curtains and he could hear the sound of a day beginning like every day. It was quiet…always so quiet in this private neighborhood, even the birds could barely be heard.

Tala felt suddenly like he wanted to be outside, under a tree or on the grass.

When he'd been growing up, in Moscow's summer months the sun had always been pleasant and he'd spend his time in the park with his parents and brothers, playing with their two dogs, having ice cream or playing with a foot ball. He'd always been bad at those sorts of sports.

He smiled. He missed his family and his chest and throat ached when he realized again how isolated he was in Japan, how far away and cut off he was. How he had nothing that wasn't Kai's as well, if not completely.

Why had he chosen not to go to University? What had happened to his parents wanting him to be a doctor…not that he'd been interesting in that profession but he remembered that at the time he'd been interested in psychology and his parents wouldn't have objected.

Maybe if he'd been a psychologist he'd have been able to deal with all of this shit better, maybe he'd have had the balls to confront Kai, to voice his concerns…

…maybe he would have told Kai a long time ago that he wanted him to stay home…or he'd have left.

He absently wiped some tears away, his independence was gone and he knew that, any semblance of a self sustaining career had ebbed away, he'd had children and he knew that he wouldn't be able to leave them to someone else's care while he tried to start over.

He didn't think he'd be able to bare running home with his children, while his family looked at the situation as some divine intervention of god to set him on the right path.

What would come then? Would they expect him to fall back into the 'normalcy' he'd had when he was growing up? Would his brothers come back into his life with their disgust hidden and their words encouraging about how he'd found his way back to…

Tala actually found himself frowning in disgust, his anger replacing that pathetic train of thought.

No…there was no going back and no where else to go from here.

Whether Kai knew he'd be making sure he was all Tala had or not, this was it, this was his life and his family, it was his house and everything he had here was because he deserved it, he'd been here and by all of his long hours and dedication and raising his children all these years, he was meant to be here.

This was supposed to be his happiness.

Kai had made a mistake the night before and it would take a long time to heal but even though his actions had been so horrible, Tala knew Kai had known he was wrong and he'd stopped and he'd cried for over an hour until Tala was sure he'd passed out.

He knew Kai hadn't slept, he knew neither of them could sleep after that.

Kai was hurting, just like he was…they were both confused and in emotional pain and so unsure and unhappy…all because the time that Kai had been away left a huge void between them.

The trust was gone.

Tala knew that his trust was gone…he didn't know what Kai had lost but he'd heard the broken emptiness in Kai's sobs and he knew Kai was hurting too…or maybe he was just guilty.

Nausea wracked Tala's frame and he swallowed hard and closed his eyes, banging his head lightly against the headboard.

He could answer that question now, he knew now that if Kai had cheated on him…he wasn't going anywhere…Kai is all he has.

* * *

Tala drank his strong black coffee while Mika and Kairan experimented ketchup and mustard with their scrambled eggs and toast. Watching them eat the eggs wasn't so bad.

He'd never been a fan of meat but even he ate eggs and he used to eat roasts and steaks and all that growing up, it was after he had kids that he thought raising them on a vegetarian diet was a good idea.

But after seeing Kai's disapproval just recently, he'd questioned his decision, like the weak minded person he apparently was. He supposed it wasn't so bad, he'd negotiate their meals with Kai and he'd continue to opt for fish and to keep it to a minimum of eggs and maybe chicken.

He sipped his coffee again, wondering if Kai was staying for the umpteenth time and this time finding that he felt like he could use the space.

He sat a while longer with them until they were done and like he'd told them, they wiped their mouths with paper kitchen towels afterward and Mika wiped his hand because he'd gotten a little ketchup on it from his plastic fork.

_'I'll bath them after cartoons...'_ he thought to himself in his usual routine fashion as they ran from the kitchen to the lounge. He was going to try and behave as normal, he felt like avoiding Kai was a good idea and since he'd been downstairs for an hour and had the left the room about 4 30 which was almost three hours ago and he still hadn't seen Kai, he guessed Kai was avoiding him too.

He was about to find out. He finished off his coffee and walked through the lounge, stopping behind the couch and watching Spongebob make his googly eyed face at Squidward, Tala knew their names,

"I'm going to take a shower, you two stay here, I wont be long." He saw Mika nod and Kairan looked and him and nodded so he turned to leave.

In the hall to the stairs he started to feel anxious and as he climbed the stairs it got a little worse, he walked slowly all the way, trying to stall. Once he reached the closed doors to the bedroom Tala sighed quietly.

It had been a mistake, a misunderstanding and nothing really had happened. He was a little sore and he remained a little emotionally shaken. Tala looked at the bath robe he'd been wearing since he left the bedroom that morning and he pulled one of the sleeves up a bit and he looked over the blue bruises on his left wrist. Yes, he had some bruises on his body but they would heal…like bumping into the sharp corner of a table or accidently walking into something.

It would heal and it'd be like it was never there.

He pulled the sleeve back down and opened the door with no hesitation.

His house…he wasn't going to be afraid to go into his bedroom.

It had been a misunderstanding and it had stopped before it had gone too far.

The physical pain was too minor to be considered anything really severe and Tala's emotions were still more torn up over Kai's absence and possible sexual defaults in America for him to be concerned with a momentary lapse in physical control by a man he'd been with completely without fear for his well being since he was sixteen.

8 years together…had to count for something…

…the room Tala walked into was empty.

The bed was made crisply as if it hadn't been disturbed, everything in its place, the curtains drawn allowing the room to be filled with light and the balcony doors were open as well, so the room was filled with warm fresh air…

Tala let the door close behind him after a subtle push and he walked further into the master bedroom, the walk in closet doors were both closed and the ensuite door was open, Tala walked to it and found the bathroom in its usual spotless condition.

He turned to leave and paused when he saw himself in the mirror. He sighed, nothing had changed at all, he still looked tired, as he'd looked before Kai came back. He's eyes were a little red and he had a few tired lines at the corners of his eyes but beside that, it was all the same.

All the same. Nothing had changed.

Kai had still been gone, he still didn't know if Kai had cheated and Kai might still leave again.

The thought then occurred to Tala and he felt himself get a bit colder with slight panic, he turned around and walked straight across the bedroom to the walk in closet and he pulled the doors open.

He was relieved to see Kai's suitcases still there, all of this bags still there half unpacked as they'd been all this time. He closed his eyes and leaned against the closet door frame, he was so relieved so he knew the more dominant and need y part of him still wanted Kai there.

He scratched his forehead and moved the bangs tickling his skin behind his ear, glancing over Kai's opened bags again fleetingly, wanting to get on with his shower so he'd feel a little better. But he looked back at the open briefcase on one of the shelves next to Kai's extra toiletries.

He knew Kai had taken his work papers into his study on one of the days so the briefcase being mostly empty didn't catch his attention, it was the photograph package lying sitting on top of the remaining papers that made Tala walk over.

He didn't think there was anything sinister about it, the briefcase was open and it was in plain sight so it wasn't a secret and it wasn't like Tala had gone snooping, at that point he honestly didn't care if he had snooped.

As he opened the photo packages paper flap he glanced into the briefcase, the papers laying there were invoices and some other work documents that Tala had seen similar of in his time married to Kai.

He looked back at the package and saw in a neat handwriting written under the flap was Kai's name, no last name, just Kai and a smiley face. Tala forced himself not to be annoyed by the happy face and he sighed unnecessarily as he pulled the photos out, there was at least 20 photo's, all glossy.

The first picture was of people Tala didn't recognize, about 5 of them, 2 men and three women, all in work suits and clothing but not neatly.

They had drinks in their hands and were grinning cheesily into the flash of the camera, 2 of them appeared a bit more drunk than the others and the background was dark and unclear. He flipped the next one and spotted some Christmas decorations around the other unfamiliar people in the pictures and they all appeared equally untidy and clearly having a good time.

Tala realized easily he was looking at Christmas party photo's, companies usually had them before the actual holidays, Kai was obviously at this one and the photo's were given to everyone...probably.

As he flipped through the red merry faces for about 6 more pictures he still didn't see anyone interesting until he came to a photo with Kai in it.

He was standing with three other people, second to the left and with a taller guys arm slung heavily 0ver his shoulders. Kai looked like he was squinting into the flash but he had something like a smile on his face and Tala could see his other hand holding onto a clear sider bottle, Tala knew him well enough to know if was a Vodka Smirnoff cooler, Kai really only drank Vodka in general.

He smiled at the picture of Kai and then gave the other people a quick look over and flipped to the next one, it was another random one so he flipped and then he smiled when he saw Kai and Bryan in the picture together.

Tala knew Brian from high school, they'd been good friends after Kai introduced them. He was a bit on the brash side but once you looked past that Russian accent and foul mouth Bryan was a great guy.

He didn't know why Bryan was in America but it wasn't all that strange, Bryan had even been in Japan at least three times since they'd lived there, Tala hadn't seen him but Kai had mentioned it.

They were both grinning about something and had been caught in a photo, their attention only partially on the camera, Brian's drink raised probably waiting for Kai to raise his own.

A moment in time that Tala would have never known about, Kai never had talked about work.

He flipped over another one and stopped on one taken in bright lighting, like it was closer to a foyer or better lit area of wherever the venue was. It was Kai and two other people. Kai was actually smiling like he'd just heard something, the guy on his right was looking at the other guy in the picture and laughing cause he had obviously said something amusing.

But Tala didn't like the way the handsome brunette was smiling at his own joke but he had his hazel brown eyes looking up at Kai who was a bit taller and there was a gleam in them that any person who knew anything about attraction would visibly see.

Also Kai's arms were around both of their shoulders, the guy on the right had his own hand on Kai's shoulder but the brunettes arm was rather comfortable around Kai's waist.

Tala stared at it, he knew it was a photo and in photo's people stood close and held everyone in for the frame but…he just didn't like the feeling he got from the brunette, especially since he was looking at Kai like he was the only person in the room.

Pushing the sudden burn in his chest down he flipped to another and saw the same brunette in a photo with other people, looking normal and smiling normally at the camera, there was an arm around his shoulder and he wasn't doing anything suspicious and it frustrated Tala.

The things he'd never know and that a photo couldn't tell him.

He flipped through the rest, spotting only one other with the brunette and none with Kai, he placed them back into the package and tossed it into the briefcase before he walked out and never looked back at the closet.

* * *

Kai had taken a quick shower and retreated to his study afterward, closing himself in simply because he wasn't prepared to face Tala yet.

He'd been there all morning, he hadn't eaten but had drunk a can of soda from the mini fridge under the bar in his study and the sugar had gone through him very quickly.

It was almost 12 pm and he was finally finishing up what he'd decided to do after some self loathing and trying to sort his thoughts out.

He didn't know if Tala had cheated on him but he also didn't know why Tala had apologized but even with all of his uncertainty he was not going to get angry like he had no part to play.

Regardless of what Tala had or hadn't done, Kai had shunted his duties as a father, as a man. He'd wanted children and then walked away to pursue his family legacy like he didn't have responsibilities, he'd left Tala with all of it and since he'd been back he'd seen the exhaustion and the loneliness.

He knew it was his fault, he should have been there.

He should have been there for his kids and for Tala.

And now when things looked their worst between him and Tala, he wasn't going to run away because he didn't think Tala would let it go if he did, he knew there'd be no second or third chances. So he'd decided that he would work through things with Tala as best he could, he'd be there to work through it however long it would take for Tala to forgive him…and for him to forgive Tala if there was anything to forgive.

He'd be there for his kids and he would fix the problems he'd caused in his family.

He checked his emails one last time before preparing to shut down and frowned when he had an unread email from Wyatt Smith's work email address.

He opened it and read:

**Hi Kai, I've officially closed that deal with the Morgan Livings Corporation and celebration is in order, it is a multi-million dollar deal after all. Let me know when you'll be back in New York and I'll set up a dinner with the corp heads and our deal team. See you soon.**

It was followed by the company signature and Kai sighed, he could actually hear Wyatt's larksome tone, like he had just eaten a kitten and was still picking the fur from his teeth. Kai spared a smile and shake of his head before hitting the reply button:

**Thanks for closing the deal, it was cut out for a shark like yourself. You'll have to celebrate without me, take them out on the company's bill, be sure to splurge so they don't whine about not being important enough. You know the drill. I'll be organizing a conference call later in the week. I'm not going to be travelling anymore, I'm handing the reigns over to the execs full time. Will inform you on the details during the conference call.**

He sent it and the shut down his lap top, standing up and taking a moment to gather everything he was taking downstairs, Kai made his way to the door.

He left the isolated study, feeling the warm air of the hall compared to the air conditioning in his study, he made his way past the bedrooms and other rooms until he reached the stairs. He descended quickly not wasting any more time and when he reached the bottom of the stairs he made his way to the living room.

Kai walked through the living room, the lounge, the dining room, the kitchen, the laundry room and the billiard room looking for Tala and the kids but didn't see them, he had also checked the backyard and there was no one at the pool or in the yard.

He was about to check the indoor pool as he made his way back to the stairs to enter the doors next to the stairs which led to another larger dining hall with glass windows through which the indoor pool could be seen.

He was really starting to realize how unused most of the space in this house was and how empty it made it. He reached the stairs and then he heard laughter from the front yard, changing direction Kai walked to the front door and pulled the door open looking out into the yard.

Kairan was playing on a swing while Mika was sitting near the trees close to the surrounding property walls with Tala, he then ran back to the swings and got onto one, Kai heard him ask Kairan to push him and without complaint, before Tala could get up, Kairan slowed his swinging and slipped off to go over and push his brother.

Tala was an amazing parent. Mika said a happy 'thank you' and Kairan started pushing him to the sound of Tala's words to be careful.

Tala had asked him the day before if Mika and Kairan would agree that he was also their parent and it had hurt him but he understood, as far and Kairan and Mika knew, Tala was the one they needed for anything.

He was going to change that.

Kai left the front door open and walked down the porch steps, he saw Tala look at him but there was no reaction in his face which made Kai hopeful that maybe Tala wasn't repulsed by him.

He passed the swings and smiled at Kairan and Mika, Kairan smiled back and Mika just stared at him.

He turned his gaze back on Tala and shifted the folder of papers in his hands, he saw Tala look at the papers and then back to the children as he sat on the grass, leaning forward with his arms around his knees and his chin on his arms. He wore a pair of faded denim jeans and a light blue cotton t shirt, white wrist bands and a pair of slip on Vans.

Kai waited until he was standing beside Tala's seated form under the tree before he spoke,

"Can I sit down?" he asked quietly, watching the tree cast its leafy shadows over Tala as the wind blew through it, rustling quietly and peacefully above the tension below.

Tala didn't look up,

"Yeah…" Kai heard him say just as quietly.

Not interested in his expensive jeans or his white T shirt, Kai sat down with a comfortable foot between them, to prevent Tala moving away and driving the hurt deeper with the action.

He let one leg lay flat and scratched his nails on the material of his jeans as he stayed silent beside Tala, trying to figure out where to start. He was surprised when Tala spoke first, sounding calm and not confrontational,

"Where were you all morning?" he kept his sad blue eyes on the children.

Kai saw the sadness and he knew he probably looked the same, he blinked a few times, looking between Tala and the children before settling his eyes on the folder,

"I was planning…for the future."

Tala spared him a glance this time but it was a very quick one and Kai raised the folder making Tala turn his head a bit but he didn't move, chin now on the joint of his elbow.

"Your future?" he asked apathetically.

Kai didn't have the energy to be angry at Tala's words,

"Our future…Kairan and Mika's futures."

There was a moment of silence and then the conversation took a turn Kai hadn't really prepared for,

"You're not leaving again? Even after last night?" Tala asked directly.

But Kai didn't let the memory of Tala's small pained groan make him falter, he was going to make it up to Tala, but again he wasn't sure what Tala was referring to.

Was it that Kai had nearly hurt him or was it that he'd admitted indirectly that he was hiding something. Choosing a neutral route,

"I don't want to leave again…at all. But if you want me to go…if you don't want me here for a while, then I'll go…but…"

"But what?" Tala mumbled.

"But I don't intend to just let you go without a fight." He said back in less of a mumble but still quietly, watching Tala's face for a clue to what he was thinking.

Tala had kept his eyes on Kai the whole time so when he said that he saw Tala's eyes begin to water, he didn't know if he'd said the right thing or not because Tala didn't respond, instead he sat back and blinked away the tears before taking the folder from Kai's hands.

Kai waited until Tala had opened the folder and then he moved closer, closing the small gap a bit and he was glad that Tala didn't tell him to move, he just paged through the papers.

* * *

How was Tala supposed to respond to that?

Kai wasn't going to let him go, let him leave, as if Tala was the one who wanted it to be over?

How could Kai not see that all of this was his own fault, that his being away made Tala so insecure that he couldn't allow himself to be with Kai without considering Kai's possible indiscretions outside of their marriage.

He knew Kai might just be referring to the specific incident from the night before which would make sense, he would feel that Tala might want his space after that, once again he didn't really know.

He was curious about the folder so he took it and opened it and at first he wasn't sure what he was seeing, it was page after page of listings of houses. He went through many before he came to print outs of different schools. At that point he looked at Kai, having been so stunned by the papers he was a little stunned when he turned and found Kai's head just beside his.

Kai's cologne was suddenly in his nose and he felt Kai's side bangs tickling his ear and his cheek and he felt as if everything would just go away, he wanted nothing to be wrong.

Maybe…he should just get over it all, he should just kiss Kai right then, say he was sorry and that he was just confused and let Kai hold him and say all of the right words to make him feel safe and loved.

His lips weren't far and Tala considered it for a second before Kai spoke and pointed to the papers.

'_Right…the papers…'_ he remembered dully and turned his face back the little ways to look down at the pictures of beautiful houses.

"It's houses and apartments in different areas and districts all over Tokyo, I've printed out the places with the best schools and access to everything." Kai explained to Tala who was staring at the pages all printed out in Japanese with handwritten translations written in by Kai in black ink.

He blinked a few times, taking the information he was reading slowly and understanding that Kai was making plans for their family, for his kids education, like a parent should do. But he felt the dread fill him slowly as he was reminded of how tired he was of living in Japan, in Tokyo's Hiroo district. It was beautiful and safe and peaceful but it was also unfamiliar to Tala.

He'd lived there for just under five years but had never really acquainted himself with anything or anyone.

Tala had only met Max because they frequented the same mall in their daily routines, that had been about two and a half years ago and even with Max's friendship, he still didn't want to live there anymore. He knew it was because of the problems he and Kai were having that he so badly wanted to be in Russia where he at least knew his surroundings, he was looking at names of districts and places and he didn't even know how to drive to them.

Tala hadn't even ever gone via train to anywhere, although Max spoke highly of how efficient it was, he'd never been inclined to.

"…-la? Tala?" Kai's voice finally reached him and he almost turned but remembered how close Kai was so he glanced at Kai who was frowning, "Did you hear anything I said?" Kai asked.

Tala nodded,

"Uh yeah, access to everything…nice houses, or apartments…"

He sensed Kai had said more and he'd missed it but Kai filled it in for him anyway,

"Yeah…and I said that you can pick any place you want and we'll go and look at it. Some of them are strictly rental but if I make a good enough offer the owners would sell I'm sure. We should pick really carefully because the kids are going to grow up wherever we decide to live." He stopped and Tala let out a small sigh still staring at the papers.

Should he say that he didn't want to live here? He didn't have a good reason, it was beautiful, safe, prosperous city, people were nice enough and the weather was neutral most days.

Moscow was a mature city, he remembered growing up in Russia and honestly, it had been very different to Tokyo.

He knew Kai had moved to Tokyo with his parents when he was four years old, he'd stayed there until he was twelve when his parents moved back to Russia and Kai had always spoken highly of Japan.

This was where they were staying because Kai was the one with the money.

Tala argued about what their kids ate…Kai was the one in charge of the really big decisions.

"Ok…" he heard himself say, sounding completely resigned and he hoped Kai heard it, just so he could know this was not exciting for Tala.

As if trying to amend the emptiness in Tala's response,

"Anywhere you choose, it's completely up to you." Kai said and Tala felt Kai's hand on his arm, very lightly.

Tala wasn't going to pretend he had any clue about what was on the papers, he wasn't going to make the effort when he knew had had limited him to the places Kai approved of. He knew Kai already had a place in mind so why stress himself out when Kai knew better about anything in this department.

He sighed and stood up, dusting his jeans off as he handed the pages back to Kai, who stood up as well,

"You should make that decision, you know Tokyo better anyway. I know you'll pick the best." He forced a small smile and looked at Kairan and Mika who had moved over to the jungle gym.

"Well, I do have a place in mind…" Kai said after a moment.

Tala had known it already, so he casually looked back to Kai and raised his eyebrows, trying to show interest.

"We could go and see it this today, I think the sooner the better because we don't have much time to handle Kairan and Mika's enrollment int-…"

"Mika?" Tala was genuinely shocked by that statement.

Kai nodded and shifted the papers in his hand,

"Yeah, it was my fault that Kairan started late, Mika is four, he can start at the same time as Kairan and they'll be in school together, wouldn't you like that for their first years?"

Tala wanted to scream 'no' right in Kai's face, angrier that Kai was playing on his preferences for the children to things together to win over Tala's agreement. He wanted to say no but he couldn't because he knew that OF COURSE he should let his son start school, how stupid would he be to keep Mika back a year.

He was just scared…of being alone with Kai for four or five hours a day when so much was unresolved between them.

_'Why! Why can't I just have something on my side this once…_' he wondered with an upset frown and looked away form Kai.

"I know you're worried because he's so dependent still…but once you see the school I think you'll change your mind." Kai was being comforting in his usual manner, the 'trust me' manner.

Tala didn't trust him at the moment with anything because for all he knew Kai had take their oldest son to a sexual rendezvous the other day.

He didn't know that for sure though. He didn't know anything for sure.

"Ok." Tala said again, not finding it in himself to say anything else.

Kai nodded,

"I'm gonna go and call the owner of the place I saw, make an appointment for today to see it." He paused in his steps and turned to Tala, "I love you." He said quietly.

Tala's throat closed on him just a bit and he averted his gaze and nodded as a response, Kai hesitated but seemed to accept that was all he would get right then from Tala.

When he was far enough away Tala took a deep tired breath and released it loudly, looking over at his children, Kairan was watching him in between watching Mika who was oblivious.

It seemed like Kai was really staying this time and he wanted them to put down new roots, to start new. To put behind them everything that had happened. Easier said than done.

Kai hadn't even mentioned it though, he hadn't even asked questions, not even a 'why?'

Tala didn't think that he didn't care, or he wouldn't have been so angry last night, he wouldn't have cried about something. There was something in the way, something between them and Tala knew what his problem was but he wanted to know what Kai's was.

He had been thinking of the brunette on and off through the day, Kai had always been good with people especially attractive gay guys, he didn't if the guy was gay but that look was definitely a great hint.

He rubbed a hand over his mouth as he looked around the yard, he wouldn't see this yard again when they moved, none of it again.

He gave it a moment to sink in and he managed a smile behind his hand, this place did have an awful lot of lonely memories and now bad ones. There were some good ones, Kairan was raised here and Mika was born here, some of the best years of his life. There were memories with Kai in the house too, both heated, sweet and innocent. But over all, the 9 months that had passed with them apart had set this inevitably in motion.

It was time for changes.

Tala wanted to make some changes too, to his own situation.

He nodded to himself slowly,

"Yeah, I think I'm strong enough to get through this."

* * *

Kai had been more than a little put down by Tala's obvious lack of enthusiasm, but he could only assume it was because there was so much tension between them.

After a while of sitting under the tree, Kai noticed that Tala had become increasingly tense and distant, like something about the entire scenario was upsetting him.

He wondered if Tala really didn't want to be with him anymore…maybe Tala had been hoping Kai would end it between them and let Tala go off and be with someone else.

"Fuck…" he mumbled as he slipped his cell phone and wallet into different pockets on his jacket, as the afternoon had progressed the air had become a little chillier and the sky was overcast, it was likely to start raining soon.

What a dull ending to a dull day.

Kai was not going to think about Tala with someone else, he was not going to make himself miserable by thinking about Tala's disinterest and the shitty weather.

He had made an appointment and they were all going to see the large two story apartment in Omotesandō, it was big, modern and as far as Kia could tell in the pictures, just over all in excellent condition. He'd had a long conversation with the owner who had been somewhat negotiable on buying but nothing concrete.

Kai was a business man though, he could and would make it happen.

If they liked it and he did as well, he would own it.

He left the bedroom closet and walked out of the room and to the stairs, he wasn't going to miss this house. He wasn't even going to sell it, he would tear it down and sell the land, he figured no in a new age modern society would buy a relic like this house. Kai couldn't actually remember why he'd liked it when he bought it, but he knew it had something to do with its sheer size.

Status had been everything, now family was.

He walked into the lounge and saw Tala crouching down and pulling a puffy blue jacket onto Mika, Kairan had his red one zipped up and was ready to go.

"Papa, where are we going?" he asked when he spotted Kai.

Kai saw Tala glance at him when Kairan announced his arrival and then he went back to pulling the zip on Mika's jacket up.

"We're going to look at a new place to live." Kai said with a genuine smile.

Mika looked at him now, if a four year old could look worried, Kai had seen it on the boys face.

Tala stood up and pushed Mika's red hair back absently as he looked at Kai about to speak when Kairan interrupted, coming toward Kai,

"Why? What's wrong with here?" it was a relevant question.

Tala and Kai exchanged a neutral look and Kai, being the more enthusiastic took the hint from Tala's vague gaze,

"There's nothing wrong, it's fine here except you and Mika have to start school soon and we wanted to be nearer to everything. You're going to love it, I promise." He practically felt Tala's mood drop when Mika abruptly yelled,

"NO! I don't wanna go to school! I wanna stay with daddy!" and the crying began without hesitation.

He picked Mika up despite his loud wailing and tried to sooth him, Kai heard him say it would all be fine, he wouldn't be far away and he knew now was not the time to pick a fight about babying their children, Mika was overly clingy as it was, but Kai remained quiet until Tala had him quieted down.

Tala nodded at him and they moved toward the door, Kairan looking a little confused by the suddenness of it all but happy to go along with his parents.

Tala put Mika in the back next to Kairan, telling him a little more firmly than usual to settle down and he did, with a face like the Grinch. Kairan obviously sensed Tala's mood so he didn't interfere with Mika lest he get yelled at, Kai had the same idea.

Tala got in and put his seat belt on as Kai did the same and then they were on their way.

* * *

After some silence and the drive being very quiet Tala had been looking around and he decided to ask,

"I'm surprised the owner would take an appointment at 4 pm." He kept his eyes on the scene beyond his window.

"When I told him it was practically a guarantee we'd take it he decided to let us see it." Kai said evenly, the tension was ever present.

"You're that sure about it." It was a statement but Tala expected some kind of response.

"Yeah I am, it's the best place I've scene and it's in the best location and its near to the school." He sounded sure.

Tala slowly turned to look at him,

"Where is it, where are we going?" he didn't completely understand the road signs, Tala would dread having to finally be forced to learn the language.

He's familiarized himself with the necessities in the stores and tried to shop and eat as western as possible but living in the center of it all with his children learning the language in school, things would become more tricky for him.

"It's in Shibuya, more specifically the Omotesandō district. The school is close as well…" he heard Kai pause as if he wanted a response but Tala but blinked at him so he continued, keeping his focus on the road since rain had finally started to fall, "..the school is an international exchange school. It's a great school and it will not be totally Japanese, I know how you'd prefer Kairan and Mika to have a more diverse outlook."

Those last words sounded a bit forced, Kai had asked Tala a long time ago when Mika was just born, what difference it made if they were in a fully Japanese school to if it were fully Russian school and he had made a point, the diversity wasn't any different. Tala had just been homesick…like he'd been since then.

"That's good." He answered neutrally.

Kai didn't speak again and Tala was grateful for it, there really wasn't much to say.

Eventually the reached the place after driving through a busy and very upbeat commercial part of Omotesandō. Tala had seen how Mika and Kairan stared out of their windows at the busy streets and the busy people all walking around and talking, shopping and eating happily, even in the bad weather.

Where they were now was residential but not nearly as isolated as where they lived, it also had a more welcoming atmosphere but it was still private. Kai parked outside the house and announced that they were there a bit dully.

Tala made himself get moving and he got out of the car, opening Mika's side door while Kai saw to Kairan's side.

They walked up to the front of the house, it was a wall, intercom and door to go through before getting into the house. Kai pressed on the buzzer while he held Kairan's hand and Tala carried Mika.

"Hello?" came the accented response of the Japanese house owner.

"Hi, It's Kai Hiwatari, we made a viewing appointment for 4 o clock." Kai answered and Tala looked at Mika who was looking around the front of the wall and the street. Some people driving up to their houses and some young girls walking along the street together.

As they passed they all greeted and Tala smiled at them, Kairan waved and Mika stared.

Kai was opening the door after it was buzzed and he walked through, holding it open for them all.

The owner greeted them at the door, taking only a moment to look them over and to see that they were a family, no woman among them. Tala expected a little hesitation but there was none and they entered the house.

Tala put Mika down and he made no fuss because they were all looking around the bright white and clean shiny wood, brightly lit large front room. Tala couldn't help the sudden hope he felt looking around, the place was so warm and different to the other house.

He doubt that he could feel so lonely in the open plan space, there were stairs leading to a partially open plan area above, overlooking the living area. Tala could see doors to a private back yard with a beautiful garden lining.

It was clarity, the house was so open and warm it seemed so clear to Tala, like he really could start a new life there.

Kairan and Mika seemed to love it too since they were bright eye'd at the strong contrast in atmosphere from where they lived to here.

Kai turned to him and he knew Kai saw his relief and the slight happiness in his face because he smiled and Tala…smiled right back.


	8. Batten Down The Hatch

**Eight**

* * *

The drive home was quiet but much less tense.

Mika had fallen off to sleep and Kairan was looking a little sleepy but Tala knew he'd be awake once they got home. There was an underlining excitement in Kairan, especially when they had seen the five bedrooms and Kai had said Mika and Kairan would get to have their own rooms.

Tala would have protested but it seemed Kai had foreseen that and he hadn't been kidding when he said he'd chosen this house because it was perfect. Two of the bedrooms were joined by a door and they would be ideal and individual bedrooms still allowing Mika and Kairan to be accessible to one another and when they got older, the door would simply be locked or if Kai preferred, which Tala suspected, the wall would be built in and the door taken out.

That was another thing Tala knew, even though the owner wanted to rent it out, Kai would not have that. It was such a beautiful modern house and Tala truly hoped Kai could buy it, they could renovate and improve and re decorate and really make it home.

Tala would enjoy it immensely, the space was so pure to him because it was so open and blank, like a waiting canvas for him to fill in. He smiled slightly to himself and he felt Kai glance at him before he heard Kai mumble,

"I'm happy to see you like it."

As if it were so simple.

No, it wouldn't fix anything, not immediately.

Wounds took time to heal, Tala had been through the wounding process before with his family, with his brothers…he was healed now, he could face them confidently should he ever need to.

And he didn't doubt that eventually he would face Kai again with confidence, maybe even more so than before this stressful time in their relationship.

* * *

They reached home and Tala made supper for everyone and was pleasantly surprised when somehow automatically they all ended up at the kitchen island counter.

It felt strange how when Tala didn't try things seemed to work better.

As they ate the chicken burgers Tala had made Kai ventured into conversation with his kids.

"Are you excited about school Kairan?" he asked before taking a bite out of the burger, Tala watched the sauce stick to his lips before he licked it away.

But he didn't feel anything, Tala felt so sexually disconnected from Kai right then. And it wasn't surprising, on top of all the stress had already been present, the night before had made it worse. Tala didn't think he was afraid of Kai…but certainly wearier.

"It'll be ok…I think." Kairan spoke with some food in his mouth.

"Swallow first." Tala heard himself say without even realizing it, his mind was not even really with the conversation, he was some what stunned at how distant he felt, like everything happening was just going to take its course and he would take automatic steps along with it.

The discomfort was slowly worming its way back into his mind as he was reminded of the seriousness of his and Kai's problems. All because Tala didn't know if he'd ever know, even if he asked, how would he know…if Kai were to lie or not.

How would he know the truth.

It could have happened once, it could have happened many times or it might not have happened at all.

The idea of the moment in time that he would never know of or be a part of came to mind. Kai's absence, his work, the smell of foreign cologne, the brunette in the picture…

All it would take was a moment of weakness, some flirtation by someone like that brunette. It would start with small touches, working so closely, seeing each other everyday…

_'__It didn't happen to me…'_ he reasoned. But his circumstances were different. He had the kids and he was in a country where he didn't even speak much of the language. Kai was the stereotype of every day time women's talk show, or he at least fit the general profile.

Tala so badly wanted to feel reassured…but he just could not make himself believe something unproven. So both ways, he was screwed.

He didn't know if.

And he didn't know if not.

He glanced around him, looking over the faces of his family.

Mika's focus was on his food and on Kairan.

Kairan's focus was on Kai.

Kai's focus was on the two children.

And he sat there, wanting to know everything and feel nothing.

He looked down at his half eaten food and picked up a serviette, wiping his hands on it as he heard Kai explaining how big the school was and what they'd be doing in their time there, making it sound like a grand adventure.

"Excuse me." Tala heard himself say, not sure of when he'd decided to leave.

He didn't know if there was any shock or disturbance from his leave, he just walked through the familiar halls that he'd be leaving soon and made his way to the staircase.

He climbed them with ease, dragging his hand along one of the cold wooden banisters and at the top he walked to the bedroom, stepping inside and closing the door behind him, he placed a hand to his forehead and leaned on the handle.

He was starting to feel trapped just being in a room with Kai.

How could they move like this? How could they live like this? How long would it be before Tala just lost it, before Kairan started to really feel the distance between his parents, maybe even Mika.

How long would it be before one of them decided to leave an unhappy home?

And how bad would the damage be in the wake of their separation?

Divorce was so ugly.

How to fix it?

_'__What should I…?'_ he inwardly pleaded with himself as he leaned against the door with a deep frown.

"I should just ask him…" he whispered to the silent dark room, "…let him tell me I'm wrong, let him tell me that he'd never hurt me that way. Even if he lies…" he looked around the shapes of furniture barely outlined by lingering light from the sun set sky outside.

Pushing off the door, he crossed the room and walked onto the balcony, feeling cool air blow over him as he leaned on the railing and looked over at the clear blue pool water. He hadn't realized he's been in a slight cold sweat until the wind blew over him and he felt his skin chill.

'_Even if he lies_…' Tala sighed because he knew it wouldn't help in the long run. He couldn't convince himself of anything. He wasn't quite that desperate.

The worst part was he had no one to talk to.

Max was not objective to his situation, nor would his mother or father be.

Tala wondered if he could call his brother, not his eldest brother Boris but the middle of the three of them.

Before Kai, before admitting his homosexuality, he and his brother Mihael had been so close.

Of course it had all changed in a heart beat when those words had left his mouth.

* * *

_Tala couldn't remember being so nervous and unsure in his entire life, he knew what he had to do, he knew he loved Kai and he loved his family and neither deserved the secrets and lies._

_Kai didn't deserve to be kept a secret because he loved Tala and that love made it all worth it and his family, his parents especially who had given him everything all his life, they didn't deserve to be lied to either._

_He'd told Kai he was ready and that he would tell his parents that night._

_Kai had offered to be there but Tala had abruptly told him no. That would have been the worst possible course of action._

_Tala had never told Kai how his mother and father had often questioned after him, asking if he would like to come to church with them, or what church his parents belonged to. Tala always managed to avoid those questions by saying he didn't know and that Kai was a private person and his family were business people so they worked hard. Never actually answering the question._

_Because there was no answer. Kai was an atheist and as far as Tala knew, his family couldn't be bothered with religion._

_He didn't want to see that look of distaste and judgment on his parents faces, Kai didn't deserve to see it either and tonight would be the night he told them everything and he expected the worst._

_He was sitting on his bed in his room, absently biting his nail and bumping his sneakers against each other as he leaned with an elbow on his knee. It was cold outside that night and he was wearing black jeans with a white hooded jacket over a plain blue t shirt._

_He knew he was a stronger person since he'd met Kai, there was a time when his homosexuality reduced him to a crying heap of prayers but now he only looked at the situation as harsh reality and that everyone had to deal with it because it wasn't going away._

_There would be hurt and disappointment and probably disgust to a large degree from his sanctimonious parents but Tala was prepared for it because he knew now, like he'd never realized before Kai, that this was truly unchangeable…and that it wasn't wrong._

_He was allowed to love and he didn't have to be ashamed that it wasn't a girl._

_But he still felt the years of his teachings latent within him, telling him he'd burn in hell when he died._

_All he could do was tell himself that he was a good person…he wasn't hurting anyone._

_He'd been over this with himself so much that he'd developed a defense to his own fears._

_And it had been so many times over that he was ready now._

_"__Tala, its dinner time!" his mother's voice came from the kitchen travelling down the hall in its usual pleasant way. As if everything was fine._

_Wringing his hands together a few times as he stood up, he proceeded to pace once or twice, taking calming breaths and preparing himself._

_He left his room after a minute and walked through his home of 17 years, he'd never lived anywhere else._

_The house was not cold or unpleasant to live in, Kai had been there a few times and even he'd said that despite the religious paraphernalia everywhere it was a nice house welcoming. Of course at the time Tala already knew that Kai lived in an estate so it had been like a random statement considering that._

_He had grown up in a loving home, with his two parents in their blessed marriage and with his two older brothers, Mihael was 19 and Boris was 21. All of them two years apart. His parents had planned each of them, apparently they'd wanted a little girl but gave up after a third boy._

_Just as well, the three boys had been quite the handful, Tala remembered how they'd make a royal mess of the yard when they played as children and their rooms remained constantly untidy despite their mother's insistence to clean it. These things were probably minor compared to what other parents had to deal with but to Tala life had been chaotic._

_Boris no longer lived at home since he was in university and staying in a shared apartment near the campus, he came home on some weekends just for visits but not too often, just enough to make mother happy. Mihael still lived at home, he was in his first year of university but was not interested in moving out just yet._

_Up until right then when Tala was about to drop the news the he was gay, MIhael had always been the 'problem' child. The extent of which was never very serious, he'd get into fights at school sometimes, he didn't have the best grades and often stayed out past curfew with friends and always complained about having to go to church every Sunday when he could go once a month, so he was the current trouble maker._

_He didn't get away with much and wound up grounded more often than not and made to be present at mother's bible studies week nights._

_Yes, Tala had been fond of Mihael, they were very close and Tala even covered for him sometimes when he'd come home a little late, or when he didn't do his chores as thoroughly as mother preferred._

_As he entered the dining room where dinner was set up and his mother was in and out, his eyes fell on Mihael, who was sitting at the table putting his hand over one of the two candles mother always lit. He was as pale as Tala and they resembled each other as much as general siblings do, except Mihael had blonde hair like their father instead of red like their mother, Boris had red hair similar to their mother but unlike Tala's._

_Mihael's hair was kept short as his parents preferred, Tala only got away with his hair because he styled it the way he did so it never sat around his face like a girl, his parents didn't like that._

_"__She made soup…I hate soup." Mihael mumbled as Tala sat down across the table from him, he usually sat next to the head spot opposite Mihael either side of their father and his mother would choose to sit beside one of them or at the other head, but tonight, because he didn't want to be in reaching distance of his father, he sat at the far chair beside the empty table head._

_He was usually talkative but Tala didn't feel like he could just pretend like he wasn't about to tear a hole in his peaceful universe so he kept silent and watched as his mother came back into the room with the last of the food dishes._

_"__Stas! Dinner." She called for his father from the lounge where Tala heard the news on television._

_When the TV was switched off silence fell._

_This was usually comfortable silence and it would be filled with conversation but tonight Tala dreaded it._

_His father, a large built man who was slightly over weight these last few years came into the room and Tala watched his mother smile as she sat down beside Tala, putting herself unknowingly right where Tala wanted her._

_His father sat down with a huff and Tala could see his father looked tired, he'd obviously had a long day at work and for a second Tala felt like he should wait to tell his parents, be considerate…but he knew he was just chickening out, so he took a silent breath and swallowed as the dishing commenced._

_Once the clinking of cutlery was done and their plates were full, as per usual they joined hands and their father led them in prayer over their meal._

_Tala opened his eyes during and he looked over his family. His brother was mumbling along with the prayer, using his free hand to fiddle with his fork as he kept his eyes closed._

_His father was speaking evenly, years of saying the same meal time prayer being recited as he held Mihael and mother's hands._

_And his mother was smiling as she always did when she prayed._

_"__Amen." They said unanimously and all started eating._

_Minutes passed before mother spoke after swallowing a mouthful,_

_"__How were your classes today, Mihael?" she gave him an encouraging half smile._

_Tala didn't look up as he listened to Mihael explain how boring English continued to be from high school to university._

_He listened to his mother give a small lecture on not being so listless and to work harder at it, his father didn't say anything, he never did unless it was really necessary. Like when Mihael had said he'd met a girl, father had asked the questions necessary about her._

_Tala wondered if Mihael was still with her, from what he knew, his brother didn't have much ability where sticking to one girl was concerned. His parents didn't know that though._

_After some more conversation his mother turned to him with her enquiring half smile,_

_"__And how was school? Didn't you write a test today in Math?"_

_As if she didn't know, she'd written it down in her diary that'd he'd had a math test that morning._

_He found himself nodding at her, despite feeling very detached from them all of a sudden,_

_"__Yes, I managed an 87% pass."Tala said and glanced at each of them, seeing his father nod, his mother smile and Mihael raise his eyebrows,_

_"__You __**managed**__ it…" he repeated, "…you don't manage an 87%, you manage a 51…" he added his two cents, pointing out how Tala's dismissiveness of his good marks were not subtle._

_"__It's excellent. I'm proud." His mother quipped._

_Tala tried to store that statement for later when he was crying, he doubted he'd hear those words again._

_Tala continued eating, trying to work up the guts to say what he needed to say while his mother turned back to Mihael and told him that he'd have to help her at the church on Saturday._

_And he complained._

_Tala listened and watched Mihael plead his case about going to the movies to which his mother insisted she didn't like that one bit and asked what movie he was going to see._

_Tala knew it wasn't Noah's Ark in IMAX._

_If he knew his brother well enough, it was a horror or an action film and there was a good chance there was a girl involved._

_Dinner drew to a close and Tala chewed on a piece of bread once he'd finished his soup, his father was telling his mother something about a man he worked with getting divorced and about a promotion opening up because the man was planning to resign._

_After that his mother stood signaling dinner was at a close and Tala knew it was time,_

_"__Mom, could you wait a moment…I need to talk to you…all." He didn't even realize he'd paled until he felt himself break out in a cold sweat and his mother frowned at him._

_Tala suddenly felt extremely afraid, he'd set the wheels in motion._

_His father had even sat back and his mother sat quickly,_

_"__Are you alright Tala, you look ill?" She pointed out uselessly._

_He looked at Mihael who had leaned on his elbows expectantly and he turned his gaze to his empty soup bowl, how did he say this…where should he begin?_

_"__Tala?" his mother prompted._

_He focused his attention fully on the bottom of his bowl,_

_"__I've wanted to tell you all something for a long time…"_

_"__Well tell us, you know you can tell us anything." His mothers voice again._

_'…__anything.' He thought, he could tell them anything but could they accept anything._

_He still didn't look up even when his mother's hand touched his shoulder_

_"__I've been…scared to tell you…mom…dad…" he looked up at his mother and father's frowning faces and then to Mihael, who was staring at him with raised eyebrows and at that moment Tala just hoped Mihael would understand, if one person could understand, then maybe they all could._

_"__What is it Tala?" his father insisted._

_He turned his gaze and looked straight at his father,_

_"__I know…t-that your going to be a-a-angry and dis-ap-pointed in me but you need to u-u-understand that I've been this way for a long time and I-I- I have tried to change but I know now…I know…" their faces were far more confused now and all Tala could do was say it,_

_"…__I know that I'm…g-g-gay…" his stammering got bad right then and the room felt far smaller than it was._

_He'd said it, it was out._

_And he'd been looking straight at his father who's brow had creased together deeply, so he looked at his mother, the hand was still on his shoulder but her face was confused, lastly he looked at Mihael who by all accounts looked the most stunned._

_So many times Tala had hoped it would be like in the sitcoms where they'd brush it off and move on, it would be accepted as a part of life but he knew better…he knew way better._

_"__What did you say?" his father's voice was louder than it had been in a while._

_His mother noticed it so she spoke up,_

_"__Tala, why would you say that, what do you mean?" her fingers tightened on his shoulder._

_"…__I'm…I mean that I'm…I'm gay…"_

_"__Tala?" his mother asked again, shaking his shoulder._

_"__I'm gay mother…I'm gay…" it was all he was able to say when all of them stared at him like that._

_His father was starting to look angrier by the second._

_His mother removed her hand and stood up abruptly, starting to gather dishes hastily and noisily,_

_"__That's just….it's ridiculous, you stop saying that, I don't want to hear that rubbish." She was saying._

_Mihael stood up and shook his head, preparing to retreat to his room and his father was staring at him unwaveringly._

_Tala felt the tears start and he nearly choked before he said,_

_"__Please…I'm serious. I'm serious." He said somewhat loudly, stopping his mother and Mihael from leaving, "…I really am."_

_"__What do you mean 'you really are'?" his father asked gruffly._

_Silence and stares met Tala's tears and pale slightly shaking form,_

_"__I…I'm attracted to boys. I like boys…I don't like…I don't like girls." He sniffed and looked everywhere but at his family._

_His mother's eyes had begun to water, Mihael was frowning looking more than a little disturbed and his father was stone faced as he spoke the next words,_

_"__Get out of my sight…I don't want to see you back downstairs until I tell you…get out!" he yelled and stood up, shaking the entire table when he hit it with a fist, making his mothers first tears spill and Mihael back step._

_Tala ran from the room quite literally, closing himself into his bedroom and crying as pathetically as he could._

* * *

He sighed and blinked at the memory, it didn't even bring tears to his eyes anymore it was so long ago.

It had hurt the but the pain was distant now. He supposed he'd been lucky for his rational parents, he'd not been beaten or thrown out or threatened with religious isolation like he'd feared. His parents had called him down the following afternoon only, Tala had looked a right mess having cried himself into a puddle and he hadn't changed or moved from the bed until then.

They hadn't commented on how he looked but had just asked him questions.

* * *

"_It's a sin, you know that." His mother had shaken her head as if she'd lost someone._

_Tala nodded, feeling cold even in his jacket as he sat on the couch in his day old clothes in a wrinkled bundle, hunched over in front of his parents._

_"__Have you done anything?" was his father's question and Tala knew it needed only a one word answer. But he just nodded and his mother sobbed._

_It confirmed it for them, knowing he'd not just assumed but had tested out the fact._

_"__How many times? How many times have you acted so shamefully?!" he demanded and Tala jumped when he yelled and he shook his head,_

_"__Just one dad…just one boy, the same boy…since I knew…" he sounded very quiet even to himself and he tried to look at his father._

_Somehow that seemed to calm his father down, it was as if he'd expected Tala had been getting around._

* * *

_"__Who?"_

His mother had asked.

It had been so hard to say Kai's name because his parents knew him but he'd choked the words out.

Things had never been the same after that, his parents resigned themselves to the information leaving him with simple requests, respect their home and to respect himself. Needless to say, Kai didn't visit again, Mihael moved out a few weeks later, Tala speculated it had something to do with the sudden lack of comfort in the house.

His parents spoke to him only when it was necessary, Tala would go to school and come home methodically until he graduated and moved out right after.

Straight into Kai's waiting and dependable arms.

Already back then Kai had been his only option.

It had been months before Tala's mother suggested that Tala come for dinner with Kai and so he had and even though it was mildly awkward, for the most part, it was okay because everyone was civil. His parents hadn't really liked Kai to begin with so Tala was grateful they made such an effort.

His brothers however, did no such thing.

At that time, Boris had made it clear via his parents – who Tala spoke to on the telephone occasionally- that if Tala had made that lifestyle decision then he didn't want any part of it. And Mihael was living in another country, his parents barely had contact with him.

Things hadn't changed much.

About two months back when Tala last spoke to his mother, Boris was 'just fine' and 'there's no need for you to concern yourself with him'. That was the usual brushoff which Tala knew meant Boris was still not interested in being amicable. His mother also said the usual about Mihael, 'oh that boy doesn't even call' and 'I doubt he even cares about any of us'.

Family. They were supposed to be solid ground, the people you could turn to when you needed something. Kai wasn't much better off really, he was just lucky that he was raised practically by self teaching and observation of his surroundings.

Tala had only ever met Kai's mother and seen pictures of his father, his parents were truly not familial and even now, Kai's mother was alive and if he asked Kai about her, he knew Kai would shrug and brush the subject off. She was living somewhere in Europe, Kai didn't know or seem to care.

It had always been that way, his parents had always been 'abroad' or 'away'.

His grandfather was as close to family as Kai had and the man was not the nicest old man, not by a long shot. Tala had met him on a few occasions and although he never was rude, he was never very interested either. Kai had said once, just before they got married and Tala signed a prenuptial agreement, that as long as Voltaire knew the family assets were protected he didn't give a shit what or who Kai involved himself with.

"Huh…" he half smiled, remembering the inoffensive piece of paper, it truly hadn't mattered to him back then. It had just been a document, he hadn't even read it, Kai had just given him a break down of what it said.

Hell, he didn't even remember.

Yet here he was, thinking of it now when his marriage was about to possibly fall apart.

Tala looked up at the sky, no stars visible due to the immense light pollution from the bright city, just purplish clouds and a half visible moon.

He turned and went back inside the dark room, walking over to his bedside drawer and sitting down on the soft surface of the bed, he slid the draw open and started to look through it.

He pushed the opened condom pack aside with a frown, his stomach lurching when he saw them, and he continued looking through the draw until he found a folded yellow post-it paper.

He opened it up and stared at the number his mother had given him for his brother a while ago and then shifted so he could pull his cell phone out.

He didn't hesitate, after all, worst case scenario was that his brother would reject his request for reconciliation.

He waited as it rang, tossing the piece of paper back into the draw and closing it while the phone rang and after a while it went to voicemail.

Tala blinked as he heard his brother's voice, not much different than it had been years ago.

'Cant take the call, leave a message.' Was all he said before the usual beep.

Tala hung up, he wasn't going to leave an awkward message.

He sighed and put his phone on the bed side, standing up and removing his shirt, Tala decided he'd shower now and see to his sons afterward, he needed the refresher.

Kai hadn't followed when Tala left, he didn't try to stop him either, if he needed to go and be alone Kai wasn't going to be overbearing.

He kept light conversation with his sons until their small attention spans made them anxious and they wanted to watch TV. But it was almost 8 pm and Kai was tired, he knew Tala must have been as well because they both hadn't slept.

It was amazing how long ago it all felt yet it was only hours ago.

He cleaned up in the kitchen after Mika and Kairan were settled in the lounge, feeling more familiar around the home and then he made his way into the lounge and found Mika asleep and Kairan still awake. He walked over and picked Mika up, waking him and he started sniffling, seeing Kai made it worse and he started to cry.

But Kai didn't let it get far,

"Come on Kairan, you guys are gonna take a bath." He ignored Mika's soft crying and Kairan followed behind him.

"Wheeerrreee's daddy?" Mika was saying and looking at Kai as he was carried upstairs.

Kai looked at him and smiled despite his crying,

"He's not feeling well, he's resting. You don't want him to get sick do you?" he asked the four year old and Mika shook his head, "…so don't cry, be a good boy." He said matter of factly and despite still making small sniffles, Mika did in fact stop crying.

He knew it would just take a little tweaking and Mika would be past the crying and clinginess.

Kai got them upstairs and with a little effort, understanding Tala's stress about how much they could procrastinate, he finally got them in the bath and gave them their play time.

He didn't play with them though, he was too distracted by everything else going on in his head.

It was getting near time to retire to the bedroom and his main concern right then was whether he had any right to sleep next to Tala after what had happened. Although the subject had been confronted, Tala had spoken about it so it was no longer some dirty secret.

He sighed quite a bit while completing his task of bathing and dressing the kids and when he was done, thanks to the stress of so much new information and excitement that day, both of them were fast to fall asleep in their beds and Kai gave them kisses to their foreheads, as Tala always did and then he left the room, closing the door quietly.

He walked back downstairs and was going to start locking up when he saw the back of Tala's head, he was sitting in the lounge watching TV. Kai walked in and came around, sitting next to Tala but more foreword, as if he would get up again in a moment.

"Are you okay?" he asked after a moment of silence and Tala glanced at him and nodded,

"Yes, I'm fine. Thanks for…" he paused and looked at Kai, the light from the TV in the dark room shining in his eyes, "…sorting out their bed time." He finished.

Kai saw how tired he was and he nodded,

"I guessed you're exhausted…I'm gonna go and shower and get into bed…" he stared at Tala, looking for some sort of affirmation that they would still share a bed.

Tala was still looking at him and he nodded,

"I'll come up in a little while."

It was the same. Things were still wrong even if they were being overlooked.

"Ok, good night then." Kai got up and walked around the couch, wanting to look back when Tala mumbled 'night' but instead he just left, he couldn't force it, he had to hope Tala would come around and things would sort themselves out naturally.

So he went around locking up before going upstairs quietly.

Kai took a hot sower and was pulling on a pair of sleeping pants when a buzzing sounded.

He looked into the room from the closet and he heard it again, he walked out and over to the bed to see Tala's cell phone shifting around on the bedside wooden surface as it vibrated and lit up.

Kai frowned, it was after ten pm, who would call Tala so late?

With a glance at the bedroom door, some anxiousness bubbling in his chest, Kai picked it up and looked at the phone number, there was no name.

He took a stiff breath and answered it, putting it to his ear,

"Hello?" he said evenly, although he felt really angry all of a sudden.

There was no pause or hesitation on the line,

"Hi, I got a call from this number a couple of hours ago. Who're you trying to reach?" it was a direct question.

Kai felt his temper flare for a moment, Tala had come upstairs and made a phone call to whoever this man was, the voice was calm and slightly deep, the person sounded unconcerned and indifferent.

"Who am I speaking to, maybe I dialed the wrong number?" he responded calmly.

"Mihael…who're you?" now the tone was a bit more irritated.

Kai frowned, the name was common, very common.

There was no accent so Kai didn't know if was an actual Russian or German person but for some strange reason, Kai felt like he knew a Mihael. But he couldn't remember where from.

"My name is Kai-…" he started but the person on the phone had reached some sort of patience limit.

"I don't know any Kai, you called a wrong numb-…"

"It's not my phone." Kai cut him off, thinking that if he revealed Tala's name, this guy would reveal who he was. Tala called him, so Tala must have known him but there was no name with the number, so it wasn't saved in Tala's contacts, which was suspicious on its own.

Kai didn't know if he wanted to find out something horrible but he needed to know who this guy was.

"…so you didn't call? Then who the fuck did?" Mihael sounded annoyed and Kai could easily hear it,

"Tala." He answered, "…it's his phone, he must have called you."

Silence. Ominous, nauseating silence.

Kai felt like everything was about to lose gravity when the guy didn't say anything, it was the kind of silence that revealed that they both knew who Tala was and this 'Mihael' was uncertain of how to continue the conversation.

Kai's mind only provided one explanation and he gripped the phone tighter right before the other man spoke up again,

"You said your name is Kai?" he asked.

"Yes, do you know Tala?" he asked back and then grit his teeth, his muscles tensing all over.

"Yeah…" was all the guy said, "…is he there?" awkward hesitance in his voice was evident.

"Who are you, how do you know Tala?" he knew he sounded angry in that last question.

There was a short laugh and Kai's skin prickled with anger thinking he was being laughed at,

"It's Mihael, Kai, Mihael Ivanov."

Kai's eyebrow twitched and he deflated instantly, _'Tala called his brother?'_ he was confused by that since he knew both of them had no contact with Tala.

"Oh…"

"You sounded pretty angry there…" he laughed again, it wasn't mirthful, just slightly amused by Kai's obvious jealous paranoia.

Kai made an annoyed face,

"I didn't know Tala was in contact with you." He admitted.

He'd met Mihael a few times when going over to Tala's house when he was still a 'friend', they'd shared a few jokes and it hadn't been awkward between them but after Tala came out and Mihael moved, he never saw him again just like Tala.

"Yeah, when you said Tala called me I was surprised. Didn't expect it to be him." He sounded distant and a little uncomfortable before he spoke again, "…is he okay? Did something happen?"

Kai's eyes widened. Yes, something had been happening.

He hadn't even considered the possibility that Tala would reach out to his family let alone a brother who didn't even speak to him.

The biggest question now was what made Tala that desperate?

"He's fine…" he said and he knew it was unconvincing.

Mihael obviously heard the unsure tone for what it was and so he said quite surely,

"Tell him to call me back tomorrow…or I'll call him."

There was no need for response, they both hung up.

"Maybe I am the bad guy." He said to himself.

Tala was reaching out to his family…it meant something was really wrong.

Not really sure what to do with himself or feelings, he turned to the bed and lay down in Tala's place on his back, staring up but not seeing anything.

He closed his eyes.

Tala switched the TV off and he was cast into darkness, he didn't move immediately, he sat for a moment with a sigh in his chest, but he didn't sigh.

He stood up once his eyes adjusted to his dark surroundings and he walked around and out of the living room, making his way to the stairs and all the way up them.

He felt more tired now and they seemed like a chore to climb. At the top of the stairs he reached the children's room and slipped inside, kissing their foreheads and telling their sleeping forms that he loved them. He lingered a moment before stepping back into the warm hall, hearing the door make a soft click as he closed it.

He had to go to his own bedroom and lay next to his husband, he had to face his problems.

He made the short walk and then stepped inside, thinking about the door for a moment before resigning himself to closing it as Kai had been doing.

Tala turned and walked into the room, he noticed Kai laying on his side of the bed and he came to stop just beside the bed.

Kai was laying on his back, his well defined chest was bare and his chest was rising and falling calmly, his face expressionless. Tala felt himself inwardly swoon when he ran his eyes on Kai from head to toe, he loved Kai more than he ever really knew and now when times were the hardest he was realizing it.

Tala looked away and swallowed down a lump in his throat, he looked at his phone and pressed one of the keypad buttons to light it up. He saw nothing on the screen so he turned from it and walked around the bed, fully prepared to sleep in Kai's spot and not wake him up.

He pulled the covers back, while Kai lay atop them, and he slipped under. He shifted around abit and moved Kai's pillows until he was comfortable and then he laid down.

He blinked sleepily, facing Kai's direction and looking over the outline of his side profile, his slightly slanted eyes from his Asian heritage, Mika had inherited that. His pointed nose from his European heritage and his lips, just full enough but paler than usual due to recent stress.

He stared at Kai for a while, letting himself be lulled to sleep by Kai's calm breathing, a few tears slipping onto Kai's pillow, Tala turned his face into the pillow, inhaling the smell of the man he loved, that smell hadn't been there for so long.

"I love you Kai…" he mumbled very quietly, his lips barely against the pillow.

There was complete silence for a moment and Tala belatedly noticed only just when Kai spoke quietly,

"I think that's the first time you've said those words since I've been here."

Tala turned his face to look at Kai and continued laying on the pillow, both of them were too exhausted to fight.

He didn't say anything so Kai spoke,

"I love you so much…" his voice cracked for a moment and Tala watched as once again, a few tears slipped from Kai's eyes, again he was crying, "…I'm so sorry for what I did…last night, I don't even know what I was doing…." He was holding his expression as emotionless as possible but the tears gave it away.

He was hurting.

Tala felt himself hurt when he heard Kai's sincere apology.

"I was so angry…angry at myself and at you…" he continued quietly.

It was quiet again as Kai continued to silently and expressionlessly tear and Tala found there was only one thing he wanted to do and so he sat up and moved closer to Kai.

Kai looked at him with a small frown when Tala lay beside him and Tala knew he wasn't expecting him to lean down and kiss him.

It was lip to lip at first, tender and tentative on Kai's part, not sure why Tala was kissing him when he'd just talked about how horribly he'd acted.

But when Tala's lips continued to press against his in slightly wet kisses Kai couldn't help responding a bit more, he brought one hand up and held Tala's face, sliding it to the back of Tala's neck right when Tala parted his lips and allowed Kai to kiss him properly.

And it was deep and tasting, Kai lapped at his tongue slowly, sensually and he ran his hand through Tala's hair slowly, leaning up and moving onto his side, Tala still lying beside him and kissing him back.

Tala let a moan slip as Kai's mouth moved passionately against his, he could hardly breath and even though he felt horribly weak, he didn't want to stop, he was short of breath just for kissing Kai.

He longed to have Kai above him and inside of him, this was only making it worse.

Kai's hand ran down his spine firmly and down, but he didn't grope or make any suggestive moves, he caressed Tala, moving his hand lower over Tala's bare thigh and then back up to his hip.

Tala had laid on his back and Kai was more or less leaning over him, a leg between Tala's.

They kissed for a moment longer and then Kai pulled back and moved downward and Tala swallowed as his chest ached along with his arousal.

He expected Kai to take him, to go all the way and do absolutely everything he knew they both wanted and that Tala feared...

…but Kai didn't.

Tala felt Kai's hands find his and their fingers connected, Kai's head was in his neck and when he raised it he brought Tala's fingers to his mouth and he kissed them.

Tala didn't even know he was crying until he felt it fall over his face and Kai looked down at him, openly,

"You said last night you didn't want to…and I know it's my fault." His voice cracked again, "…and this time, I'll wait until you say so, I wont hurt you anymore…Tala, I love you." He smiled in that perfect way that used to always make Tala melt.

He let go of Tala's hands and lay down, his arm slid around Tala's waist and with his obvious strength he pulled Tala against him to spoon and Tala felt feather lite kisses pressed to his neck and ear.

That wasn't all he felt.

He felt guilty.


End file.
