Rurouni Kenshin 1. Chapter 1

Authors note: Another repost, by popular demand. I considered mashing it together into one long story like I did with "Traditions" but I'm currently unsure about the ending. Also I just haven't had the time to sit and edit the whole thing. In the end I decided a chapter every few days was better than nothing, right?

As always, it's entirely based on the manga, just because I like it better that way. Also, please bear in mind that it's old work.

000

It was late.

Kenshin had been standing in the doorway of Kamiya Dojo for far longer than he cared to admit, staring with hollow eyes at the point just right of the Joza.

His breathing was far more labored than it should have been, and his jaw was clenched tight as he looked at that one area with suppressed horror. He wanted to tear his eyes away, but still he stood rooted to the spot, remembering.

It had been just under seven months since he had stood in exactly this place and felt his world shatter around him at the sight that had met his eyes. His mind had imploded, his body had broken and his heart… his heart had twanged impossibly and crumbled to ash in his chest.

Even now, knowing that it hadn't been real, the sight still haunted him. This tiny corner of the place he had come to call home still gave him great pain whenever he came near, and yet, he couldn't seem to stay away.

Kenshin had been plagued by nightmares of those few seconds over and over since that day, and he knew, even now, that he always would be. But he needed to face it; he needed to come here sometimes, if only to reassure himself that it wasn't real. To prove to his taut nerves and still healing heart that it hadn't happened.

Kaoru was asleep in her futon. Kaoru was safe. Kaoru was alive and healthy, and as long as he drew breath, he would never allow her to be used in such a way again.

At this thought, Kenshin was at last able to force himself to turn and walk away. Even as he walked slowly from the Dojo, he could feel his breathing begin to even out once again, and his tense body relax slightly.

It was just the two of them living here now. Misao, Aoshi, Megumi, Sano and even Yahiko had all gone their separate ways, and while he knew that Kaoru had found this difficult, seeing it only as an end to something, Kenshin could only see it as a beginning.

He loved her.

He had known this for a long time if he was honest, but had been unable to admit it, even to himself, as weighed down by guilt as he had been. Now though, after everything that had happened, he could finally begin to live again, and he knew for certain that any kind of life he would fashion for himself needed to have Kaoru in it.

Without either of them realising it, this vibrant, innocent, exuberant girl had somehow managed to chip slowly away at his defenses until there was nothing left. She was now the very center of his being.

Did she know this?

No. As far as Kenshin was concerned, she was entirely in the dark about how she had him wrapped around her little finger, and he planned to keep it that way. At least for now.

He didn't believe that there was any really noticeable changes between them, but he realised that his own reactions to her had become more affectionate. He knew he touched her more often than he used to. Simple and occasional things, like taking her small hand into his own, touching her gently on her warm shoulder or tucking a lost strand of her shining ebony hair behind her ear had all become day to day occurrences.

Kenshin wanted more than anything to take her in his arms and hold her close, but knew he had to be patient. He had no idea of her feelings for him at this point, and although he knew she cared for him, he had yet to determine whether she entertained any romantic attachment. Perhaps she only saw him as a close friend? Or at most, a brother?

He shuddered at this and tried not to grimace. It was a devastating thought, but not an impossible one. There had never been any sign of the searing love for her he repressed from within himself being reciprocated, and whilst he might have considered that perhaps he kept it _too_ well hidden, it seemed sometimes that everyone and their dog knew his feelings. Except Kaoru, of course.

He liked to hope that it was only that she was young and inexperienced in love. At this point, he seriously doubted she was ready to hear all of the agonizing beautiful and wonderfully terrible things he kept locked safely in his heart for her.

And so he waited. Day after day, week after week, month after month, knowing that in the end, he was doing the right thing for her.

Her life had been so turbulent recently, and he demanded of himself that he give her some room to settle before shaking things up again. He would just have to wait.

Of course, this didn't keep his heart from hammering against his ribs every time he looked at her, or stop his breathing from becoming so shallow he wondered if he might suffocate when she smiled back at him. It also didn't keep his mind from wandering and thinking things he hadn't since he was an adolescent.

No. He was going to do this properly, because that's what she deserved. Her birthday would be around soon; maybe he could gently test the waters then? He would give it some time, carefully and gently wooing her, but keeping his hands and slightly lecherous thoughts to himself, and then he would honorably and humbly ask her to be his bride.

_'__It's up to her what happens after that.' _he told himself firmly.

As he approached the house, he noticed a figure quietly sat on the engawa, watching him. Kenshin's blasted soul was soothed just by the sight of her, dark hair loose around her small shoulders, her compact body wrapped carefully in a thin sleeping Yukata, looking at him with her huge, guileless eyes.

"What are you doing up so late, Kaoru-dono?" he smiled as she moved up slightly, in a silent invitation for him to sit with her.

"I might ask you the same question," she laughed as she shoved him playfully. "Sometimes I wonder if you _ever _sleep!"

Kenshin chuckled as he very gently nudged her back and gazed up at the starry starry night, afraid of giving himself away, "I sleep, Kaoru-dono."

That wasn't, strictly speaking, a lie, but it wasn't the exact truth either. In actual fact, he took catnaps, rather than solidly _sleeping_. Catnaps, he had learnt, were far too short for any nightmares to take hold, and he therefore achieved far more sleep this way.

"Do you dream?" she asked quietly. He turned to look at her, curious as to what had prompted such a question, but she was now smiling serenely up at the heavens.

After a moment of watching her, breath hitching ever so slightly at the sight; the way the ghostly moonlight both shaded and illuminated her skin and the sensuous column of her throat, Kenshin also turned his attention back to the sky.

"Of course."

They sat that way for a few minutes. Kenshin was about to take the initiative and yawn loudly, in a not-so-subtle hint that she ought to be in bed, when Kaoru leaned backwards and propped herself up casually with her arms behind her.

"What do you dream about, Kenshin?"

_'__You,'_ he thought instantly, but swallowed the incriminating word back before it was too late. Kenshin knew she was watching him now, but couldn't turn to face her for fear of what his eyes might betray.

He carefully schooled his expression into something mild before answering, "Lots of things, I suppose…"

_'__You,' _he thought once again, more strongly this time. '_You and I. Us.'_

"Do you want to know what _I_ dream about?"

What _was_ this? He could hear the smile in her voice, but the words she spoke… had he fallen asleep somewhere? Was this a dream?

"What do you dream about, Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin asked quietly, cautiously.

From the corner of his eye, he watched her lean forward again, until he could feel her cool breath tickling his neck, her plump, pink lips right next to his ear. His heartbeat thundered in his ears and his stomach clenched as she placed a hand on his shoulder, resting ever so lightly against him, her breast pushing softly upon his arm.

He couldn't move. He knew that if he did, it would end with her svelte body beneath him, Yukata awry, both of them gasping for breath.

In a good way.

No wait, _not_ a good way.

Kenshin closed his eyes, trying to keep his composure, when she whispered conspiratorially, "I want to spar against you."

"…."

"…."

"…. Oro?"

Kaoru had moved back to her original sitting position, and was looking awkwardly down at her hands, "Please don't tell Yahiko. I don't want him to feel like he isn't doing well, because he really _is._ It's just that… well, like he says, I won't ever get better unless I challenge myself."

_'__Of course,'_ Kenshin thought dazedly, trying to subtly regulate his breathing so she wouldn't notice. _'Of course that's what she was going to say. What was I thinking?'_

"I know it's kind of out of the blue to ask you something like this," she continued, mumbling slightly. "But it's something I've wanted to ask for a while now. In fact, ever since I first thought about it, I can't _stop_ thinking about it. I just want to see how I… well, measure up, I guess…"

Kenshin was still shaken to the core by what had just passed, but not enough to not feel bad about what he already knew his answer would be.

"I'm sorry Kaoru-dono, but no," he told her gently, instantly hating himself for the disappointment that he saw in her downcast eyes. "I understand your desire to test your skill, but I would much rather not. Perhaps someone from another Dojo would oblige you? Or you could-"

"That's fine, Kenshin," she said abruptly, standing from the engawa and looking away from him. "It was a stupid idea anyway. We both know you would have beaten me."

"Kaoru-dono, I didn't mean-"

"Goodnight Kenshin," she said shortly, interrupting his apology, stomping back towards her room.

He wanted to follow her to better explain his refusal, but ultimately decided it was best she didn't know. After all, how would she take the knowledge that if he so much as bruised her, he would never forgive himself?


	2. Chapter 2

Kenshin finished putting the last of the breakfast out onto the table with a satisfied grin. He'd been up since the crack of dawn preparing a delicious meal, making sure to include Kaoru's favorite, tamagoyaki, in the hopes that if she was still upset from last night (as he suspected she would be) this might quell it. He had also made a head start to most of the household chores, so that once Kaoru had finished her morning training session with Yahiko and Shinichi, perhaps they could go out for the afternoon together.

He wanted desperately to make it up to her, knowing that her interpretation of his refusal would be incredibly hard for her to swallow. He supposed now, after replaying the incident over and over in his head, that it seemed as if he had simply dismissed her as unworthy, and Kaoru's pride would not like that one bit.

She wasn't the kind of person to hold a grudge for long, but he still felt terrible for disappointing her. After all, she had always done so much, rarely asking for anything in return, save a few silly menial tasks around the house, and the one time she _did_ come to him with a serious favour, he had turned her down flat.

He felt like a complete and utter heel.

Had it been any other request, he would have leapt at it, but poor Kaoru had unwittingly asked one of the two things of him he just couldn't get himself to do. He could not, _would _not, risk her getting hurt. The idea of sparring against her terrified him, and no matter how much he had argued with himself throughout the night, it was a fear he simply couldn't suppress. In the end, he had failed her by being a coward, and it stung.

Kenshin looked at the dish of piled up tamagoyaki next to her place at the table and felt himself smile softly, remembering the sparkle in her deep, sapphire eyes whenever she had noticed it in the past. He might not be able to explain his reasons for refusing her, but at least he could try his best to please her in other ways…

The sudden image of Kaoru panting and moaning in his arms, throwing her head back in ecstasy filled his mind, blinding him for a moment with its intensity.

_'__Or please us both…'_ He thought, breath catching in his throat, before realising his error and shaking his head firmly to dispel the vision. _'Wait, not like that!'_

Kenshin took a deep and cleansing breath as he knelt to pour the tea for the two of them. It did neither of them any good for him to indulge in such fantasies. She would be here any minute, and he wanted everything to be perfect. That included him being able to give her his full and undivided attention, instead of struggling with his inner pervert.

That was easier said than done, of course. Although he realised that she was still so very young in her head and her heart, her lithe form disagreed.

Kaoru's innocence wore the body of a woman, and a very desirable woman at that. It never seemed to matter what she was wearing or doing, she just always looked so incredibly _good_.

He had always considered himself to be a patient and disciplined man, but this woman- _'No,'_ he corrected himself sternly, _'girl.'_ -made him wonder if that was really the case at all…

Kenshin looked at the little western clock on the side and frowned slightly. Kaoru was late getting up this morning… that was strange. She was _always_ up and about by now, usually earlier. In all the time he had known her, she had run like clockwork. Probably, he had always guessed, because of the strict Katsujin-Ken training she had received from her late Father.

_'__She was very late getting to bed last night,' _he silently reasoned. _'She has probably just over-slept.'_

Looking between the clock and the quickly cooling food, Kenshin decided to go and wake her. It would be a shame for all his hard work to go to waste because it had become too cold.

As he stood and exited the room, he automatically rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck, as if limbering up for a fight, then placed his hand casually on the hilt of his Sakabato. Old habits were hard to shake sometimes, and he knew that this one would probably stay with him until death.

Of course, Kaoru could be pretty difficult to deal with sometimes, so perhaps it was the current situation that had caused the physical tag to act up. Kenshin couldn't suppress a small laugh as he thought about her unbelievable stubbornness and fiery temper in amusement. Oh yes, she was definitely a handful at times…

Without warning, a picture of Kaoru's deep cleavage and round, creamy breasts straining slightly against her training bandages entered his head, causing Kenshin to physically stop in his tracks.

Eyes wide and swallowing hard, it took a moment for him to concentrate enough to become irate with himself. As he began walking again, he scratched at the back of his head and frowned.

It was definitely getting worse.

It was almost as if their close, and completely misinterpreted, encounter last night had caused a few chinks to form in his protective wall. He would have to sort that out, and soon.

Finally reaching Kaoru's door, he checked his composure and listened carefully for any signs of movement from within.

"Kaoru-dono?" he called gently, when no sound was forthcoming. "Kaoru-dono, are you awake?"

Waiting a moment to give her time to wake up, Kenshin listened intently once more. When there was nothing but silence, he felt an all too familiar tight feeling in his gut. She was probably fine. She was just ignoring him because she was hurt by his words the night before. He wished now that he'd had the sense to follow her and explain properly.

"Kaoru-dono, are you in there?" he asked again, trying to quell the panic he felt rising at this deathly silence. "If you are, please answer me. If this is about last night, then I want you to know how really very sorry I am. It was not meant to be an insult to your own skill in any way and I would _never_-"

"Kenshin?" said a voice behind him suddenly. "What are you doing?"

Turning to find Yahiko standing in the yard, looking baffled, Kenshin couldn't help but feel incredibly embarrassed at being caught thusly.

Trying to think of the best way to inform the boy of his current predicament, he began with a slightly too loud, "Um…"

"Kaoru isn't in there, you know," said Yahiko matter-of-factly. "I met her on the road about ten minutes ago. She said she was heading out to the Takahashi Dojo this morning and that I should have breakfast with you before taking Shinichi-kun with me and following her."

Kenshin was dumbstruck.

"Didn't she tell you?" persisted Yahiko, apparently as incredulous as Kenshin that such a thing could happen. "Or leave you a note or something?"

Unable to believe she could possibly be _that_ angry with him, Kenshin turned and quickly pulled open the Shoji to her bedroom.

"No," Kenshin heard himself murmuring as he looked at the empty room. "No she didn't."


	3. Chapter 3

Yahiko had wolfed down the elaborate breakfast that had been meant for Kaoru, with little to no comment, save a few incredulous remarks at her unusual behavior. Kenshin got the impression that the boy knew more than he was letting on, but chose to leave the unasked questions between them unanswered.

It was just as well, really; he wasn't exactly in the mood to talk. Kenshin had found himself in the unusual situation of being annoyed with Kaoru. Almost to the point of being _angry _with Kaoru. Almost as angry as he had been when she had placed herself in harm's way and stubbornly followed him to Kyoto. Almost.

Although struggling against the barrage of emotions that assaulted him, he at least managed to pack a small selection of the food for Yahiko to pass on to her. He forced a smile as he did so, which the young Shizoku had bought.

Whilst he was still reeling from the proverbial slap around the face that Kaoru had dealt him, Kenshin knew deep down that he needed time to cool off. It wasn't in her nature to be unkind, and he knew she hadn't meant to be, but that didn't stop him from being hurt by her actions.

Ever since the horrific nightmare of Enishi's Jinchu, they had both been very careful of each other. Making sure always to let the other know where they were and if they were going out, when they could be expected back. Kaoru had broken the unspoken trust between them by leaving without so much as a word to him as to her whereabouts.

_'__She sent a message with Yahiko,'_ a rational voice reminded him. _'It's not like she just vanished. She didn't want to see you. You hurt her, remember?'_

Kenshin sighed heavily and drove his hand roughly through his hair as his annoyance quickly began to dissipate.

If he was completely honest with himself, he had become so used to her always being wholly supportive and understanding towards him, that he had begun to arrogantly think himself impervious to her wrath. It made him feel ashamed of his initial anger with her. He felt like a naughty child that was finally being punished for too much bad behaviour.

Since the very beginning, he had endangered her, hurt her, worried her and she had endured all of it as no one else ever could have done. How could he now blame her for finally lashing out after insulting her pride on top of all that?

It was times like this he wondered whether he truly deserved her. She was so kind, courageous and fun, always enjoying the simple things in life and never expecting anything from anyone; perhaps she truly _would_ be better off with someone closer to her own age and as un-jaded by life as she was.

_'__I__'__m going backwards,__'_ he berated himself. _'__Thinking like this achieves nothing but misery.__'_

That in mind, Kenshin buried himself in his daily chores, seeking peace in absorption.

Just before lunch, he decided to go to meet her and walk her back home. As he ambled down the road, enjoying the late spring sunshine, he couldn't help but wonder what her reaction would be.

She wouldn't expect him to meet her, but that perhaps made it all the better. It would throw her off kilter enough to hopefully dislodge her anger, but also because she wouldn't be able to easily escape him.

He felt himself smiling for the first time since this morning, as he imagined Kaoru's face blushing in surprise at his sudden appearance. At first she would be awkward, keeping her beautiful eyes lowered, not knowing if he was upset with her, but he would smile and charm her until she felt at ease again. They would talk and laugh as if nothing had happened, until they both believed that nothing _had _happened.

After spending a peaceful afternoon together, they would sit out on the engawa and watch the sun go down. As the sky darkened above them and the tiny, glittering stars began to appear one by one, perhaps Kaoru would feel chilled by the late April breeze. As she shivered, he would carefully place an arm around her small shoulders and, if she would let him, he would pull her closer and hold her.

He wanted desperately to hold her. He only ever had once, and that was when he had left for Kyoto, believing they would never see each other again, and that he therefore had nothing to lose by doing so.

This would be different. This time he wasn't rushing off to the unknown, leaving her late at night by herself, crying in the middle of the road. No, this time he would hold her in his arms, and revel in the feel of her body against his own; the curvature of her spine, the swell of her hips, the soft pressure of her breasts, the warmth of her neck, the heat of her lips…

Part of Kenshin felt like punching himself in the face for letting his thoughts run away with him _again_, but the other part of him was still so enthralled with the scenario his imagination had cooked up, that he almost didn't _want_ to stop.

Smiling wistfully to himself and the shining blue sky that reminded him so much of Kaoru's eyes, he rounded the corner. Looking towards the upcoming Takahashi Dojo, his heart soared at the sight of the real thing.

_'__Perfect timing.' _he thought, grinning to himself as he waited, unnoticed, at the corner of the road.

Kaoru was stood at the Dojo gates, chatting amicably to a young man that Kenshin recognized as Ryota Takahashi, the assistant manager. They had met only once before, when Kenshin had accompanied her on a training visit here a few months ago.

_'__Once was more than enough.'_ came a wry thought as he moved off to the side of the road, under the shade of a nearby tree. He wanted to spare everyone the awkward encounter, where both men would have to force politeness. Even from this distance he could see that Ryota was talking directly to Kaoru's cleavage. She, as always, was completely oblivious to this, and as he heard her sweet peals of laughter ringing down the road, Kenshin felt his eyes narrow.

Crossing his arms and leaning his shoulder against the tree's trunk, he watched them carefully.

Kaoru was usually polite, but pretty indifferent to the local boys that chased after her, and, unsurprisingly, there were a lot of them. She was always careful to treat them all in much the same way, and any time that someone made their intentions so plain that even _she _couldn't miss it, she seemed to almost go out of her way to get in an extra hard smack with her Shinai during training. This never failed to soothe his own bubbling anger and make him smile in spite of himself.

He knew she could take care of herself in this department, and trusted her good sense and judgement that she wouldn't lower herself enough to become interested in any of those fools, but still…

He couldn't make out what was being said, but the playful lilt to her voice and their joint laughter belied this fact, causing his jaw to clench slightly. When he saw her punch him jokingly on the arm and look at the ground as she did when she blushed, he knew his smile had vanished entirely.

_'__She is just being friendly,'_ he reasoned as he tried to keep his eye from twitching. _'She's a friendly person.'_

Taking a shuddering breath in an attempt to calm himself, Kenshin looked down at the grass beneath his feet.

_'__You are being a fool.' _his inner rationality informed him.

Feeling more in control of his emotions, he looked back up to the pair, only to have what he saw cause his heart to drop into his stomach like a lead weight.

They were now standing far too close together, Kaoru looking down demurely, Ryota's hand on her cheek.


	4. Chapter 4

Kenshin couldn't move a muscle. He daren't.

He just stood there, assailed by an unfamiliar and increasingly unpleasant emotion that he had no idea what to do with.

_'__Jealousy,' _something in the back of his mind informed him._ 'I'm jealous.'_

Kenshin had always known that there was the possibility Kaoru didn't reciprocate his feelings for her, but he had always hoped that he would at least have the chance to try and earn her love.

He didn't know whether he wanted to go over there and show that boy whose woman he was messing with, or run the other way and hide until he knew he could face Kaoru without looking at her miserably. He couldn't even tell if he was livid or devastated, because he felt both.

This changed everything. Ryota was young, carefree and although it pained him to admit it, much better looking than he was. Kenshin morosely looked down at his feminine hands and slender arms as he realised that Kaoru probably didn't find him attractive at all. Ryota was tall and well-muscled, and unlike him, wasn't covered with unsightly scarring. He fixed his stare at his small, lean torso and stomach, sighing heavily.

He had always told himself that he kept his love for her to himself because he thought she was too young and too innocent to be ready for that kind of relationship, but now, faced with the truth that she might just not want him, he couldn't help but wonder if it had always been his own feelings of inadequacy and his fear of her rejection that had kept him silent.

He didn't know how long he stood there like that. His thoughts of self-pity were lost in a sea of red mist and his heart was pinging sharply in his chest at the thought of her with another. It was as if he could no longer feel the warmth of the sunshine on his skin, and a dark shadow crept over his soul.

The roaring in his ears, that he hadn't noticed until now, suddenly faded and he noted familiar voices coming his way. Unable to get himself to look up, he listened helplessly as they came closer.

"…Don't lecture me, Yahiko."

"I'm not! I'm just saying that Kenshin-"

"Kenshin has nothing to do with it."

"But Kaoru-sensei, aren't you and Himura-San…?"

"Me and Himura-san aren't _anything_, Shinichi-kun, and I'll thank you not to make such assumptions in the future."

"Look Kaoru, all I'm saying is, Kenshin _isn__'__t_ gonna like it."

"I don't particularly care what he likes. It's my life and it's none of his business."

"If you don't care, then why did you sneak out this morning, huh? You should have seen his face when he twigged what you'd done… and _that_ was before he even knew

about-"

"Himura-san!"

This was it. He had been spotted, and he had overheard far more than he ever wanted to again. Yahiko had obviously caught her with Ryota and now they were arguing over it. The only question that remained now was fight or flight?

_'__Fight, of course.__'_

"How went the training visit?" he called cheerily over, his old mask fixed firmly in place. He would be damned if he would let her go that easily!

Yahiko was looking questioningly between him and Kaoru, clearly expecting some kind of interaction, but on seeing as Kenshin did, that she wasn't even looking their way, he simply shook his head.

"It was incredible, Himura-san!" cried an oblivious Shinichi as he bounded over, "Ryota-sensei is so strong! You should have seen it! Him and Kaoru-sensei-"

"Shinichi-kun," interrupted Yahiko quickly. "We should get going. You need to be ready for tomorrow, 'cause I'm not gonna go easy on you like Kaoru does."

"Tomorrow..?" Kenshin questioned mildly, trying not to look at the woman attempting to slowly inch away from the group.

"Yahiko-senpai is going to be teaching me while Kaoru-sensei trains!"

This time Kenshin couldn't stop himself from looking up at her in surprise, but she was still looking away from him, with the tips of her delicate fingers pressed lightly on her forehead and the bridge of her nose. Knowing she had become the center of attention, she paused in her slow escape and turned more fully away from them.

Did she know he had seen her and Ryota together? Or was it that she knew he had overheard her saying that her life was none of his business? Maybe she was just still angry with him from yesterday…

"Training, Kaoru-dono?" it was hard to keep his voice steady, but he managed it somehow.

When no answer was forthcoming, a clearly exasperated Yahiko butted in. "That Ryota guy used to train under Kaoru's Father, so he's offered to help her out."

_'__I'm sure he has.'_ he thought bitterly as the snake of jealousy in the pit of his stomach writhed and constricted.

Kenshin was surprised at the revelation that Ryota had trained at the Kamiya Dojo, but more surprised that she had never mentioned it. That meant that they must have known each other a long time. But then again, it also meant that he had been one of the first to abandon her when her Father had passed away.

He heard himself sigh, as if from far away, still staring hard at Kaoru's back. This woman seemed to have no limits to what she could forgive, and yet, here they stood, still not talking…

"So." Yahiko's voice cut into his thoughts. "Me and Shinichi-kun have somewhere else to be."

"We do?"

"We do," he replied, looking meaningfully at the older boy, and began to slowly walk up the path, "See you guys later, okay?"

Shinichi, clearly not getting whatever it was that Yahiko was trying to tell him, followed anyway and called over his shoulder. "I hope your face gets better soon, Sensei!"

"Come _on_, you idiot!" he heard Yahiko mutter in irritation before they both disappeared round the corner.

Kenshin stood stock still, letting it all sink in slowly…

_"__Perhaps someone at another Dojo would oblige you…?"_

_…__.Ryota was touching Kaoru's left cheek…._

_"…__Kenshin _isn't_ gonna like it…"_

_…__. Kaoru was hiding the left side of her face…._

_"…__And that was before he even knows about-"_

_…__. She had been embarrassed by what Ryota was drawing attention to…._

_"__You should have seen it! Him and Kaoru-sensei-"_

_…__.He hadn't looked at her when she was walking up the road….._

_"__I hope your face gets better soon, Sensei!"_

Before he knew what he was doing, Kenshin had covered the distance between them, and grasping Kaoru's small shoulders, he forced her to turn. She struggled in his hold and kept her face turned away, but he was stronger. Carefully, but firmly, he took her chin in his hand and pulled her head up to look directly at him.

His breath hitched as he saw that a large and quickly purpling bruise was swelling beneath her left eye. He let his cheerful façade once again vanish into oblivion as his anger pushed to the fore.

"How?" he ground out, trying to suppress his rage as he looked straight at her, still holding her fast.

She met him look for look, defiant despite everything, but behind the anger, he could see the unshed tears glazing her flashing eyes.

"Kaoru," he said, voice deepening mellifluously as he repeated. "How?"

"I lost, okay?" she snapped back, once again trying to shake out of his grasp. "I challenged him and I lost."

He knew the answer before he even asked, but still, he had to be sure. "Who did this?"

"It was an accident! He thought I knew a move that I didn't and…" He could feel her wounded pride as if it were his own as she struggled to keep her composure, "It's none of your business, anyway!"

That was the second time she had said that, and despite the all-consuming wrath that shook his soul, he was incredulous that she could honestly believe it to be the truth. This was proof enough that she had no idea what she meant to him; what seeing her injured in this blatant way did to him.

He let go of her chin and reached up to gently touch the offensive mark, but she quickly batted his hand away. His jealousy quickly resurfaced, screaming that she would allow Ryota to touch her and not him, but he quickly squashed it.

Kenshin wanted nothing more than to walk into that Dojo and show Ryota Takahashi that hitting Kaoru in the face had consequences. Serious and severe consequences. But he didn't, and he knew he never would, because in the end it had been he, Kenshin, that had driven her to challenge him in the first place. Her belief that he had thought her skill unworthy and his suggestion to find someone to spar with elsewhere had been the cause of setting out to find someone who wasn't afraid to swing for her. To _really_ swing for her.

He felt his rage giving way to guilt as he looked down at her, from her sparking blue eyes to the dirty bruise that marred her beautiful face. She was so strong, and yet at the same time, she was fragile. He knew that one wrong move could shatter everything, but he had to tell her somehow… to let her know that she and her life _were _his business.

When he gazed into her eyes, it was like the seas opened up to him. He could see every emotion shining through those beautiful orbs; anger, frustration, discomfort, pain, shame, sadness and even a hint of regret. Unable to let her stand away from him any longer, he pulled her close to himself in a tight embrace.

He heard her gasp and felt her tense up at the intimacy of the hold he had on her, but didn't let go. He was only slightly taller than she was, but he leaned his head forward until his chin was resting on her shoulder, almost wanting to wrap himself around her and pull her into his heart, where she truly belonged.

He breathed in the scent of her and basked in her warmth as she stood enfolded in his arms, and rejoiced as she began to slowly relax in his embrace. This hadn't been anything like what he had planned, but it still felt so right for her to be exactly where she was; for him to be holding her.

He knew he should let go, but somehow couldn't make himself do it. He was afraid that if he released her, he would never get this chance again.

"Kaoru, I…" he whispered in her ear, wishing hungrily for her to lift her arms and hold him back. "I…"

_'…__.love you.'_

He couldn't. He shouldn't. Not now. Not yet.

"I-I'm so very sorry about last night. I wasn't trying to imply that you were not worthy or that your skills were beneath me. I just could never raise a sword, practice or not, to you."

Only a moment of silence passed before he heard Kaoru murmur quietly, "you really don't understand, do you?"

Kenshin felt her slowly trying to push away from him, and not understanding her reaction, he let her go. As she stepped away, he could see tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She smiled sadly at him and shook her head ever so slightly.

"Kenshin, I forgive you for not wanting to spar with me," Kaoru's lip gave a tiny quiver as she whispered. "But _please, _just leave me be."

Suddenly, she turned and ran from him, leaving him standing in the middle of the road with nothing but his confusion to keep him company.


	5. Chapter 5

Authors note: Just for the record, Daucus Carota (or Queen Anne's Lace, as it's more commonly known) is _not_ an effective contraceptive, so don't get any funny ideas! I had to do quite a bit of research to find something that would fit the bill, but it really is just an old fish-wives tale.

000

Three days had passed since Kenshin had held Kaoru and she had begged him to leave her alone. To his credit, he had respected her wishes, but it was slowly driving him insane.

As he hung the laundry out to dry, he was lost in thoughts of the last few days. It had been one of the hardest things in the world to give Kaoru her space and not try to coax out of her the reason for her sadness. She wasn't angry with him anymore at least, but the way she looked at him now, with eyes full of hurt, was far worse.

That was when she even _did _look at him, of course, and that wasn't often. She tended to keep her eyes down, or stare at some far off point past his shoulder, as if meeting his gaze was far too painful.

They rarely spoke, and even then it was because he had initiated conversation. It pained him to see her so withdrawn and be unable to comfort her in any way except to leave her alone. He knew he was missing something crucial, but couldn't seem to put his finger on what, no matter how much he wracked his brains.

He felt so shut out. They only ever saw each other at breakfast and dinner due to her being at the Takahashi Dojo for training with Ryota.

_'__Ryota-kun,'_ he mocked himself, mimicking Kaoru's use of the familiar suffix when talking about him. It stung him every time he heard her say it, like a barb in his heart. His jealousy was almost uncontrollable sometimes, it took every ounce of his self-restraint not to… well, he didn't know what, and it was best not to dwell on it.

What he _did _know, however, was that he couldn't take very much more of this. It was only a matter of time before he finally cracked and threw himself at her feet, begging her to let him back in to her life. Without her; her smiles, her laughter, her company, his sanctuary was no longer heaven.

"Hello? Anyone home?"

Kenshin looked up to see Dr Genzai calling from the front gate, and waved pleasantly as he walked over to greet him. "Good morning! Can I get you some tea? I was about to take a break myself…"

"No, no, thank you Himura-kun, I'm just here on business," smiled the kindly old man, whilst rummaging through his satchel. "Is Kaoru-chan here? I have something for her."

"She's out training," Kenshin replied, feeling suddenly concerned that the Doctor would ask for her specifically. "I don't expect her home until much later."

Dr Genzai straightened up at this and looked seriously at him, as if making an important decision.

"Perhaps then, Himura-kun, I could stop for that cup of tea? I think we have something important to discuss."

Trying not to look worried as he agreed and led the doctor into the house while he prepared tea, Kenshin attempted to reason with himself. It was probably nothing. Maybe he hadn't wanted to stop before because he knew Kaoru would put her training on hold to sit with them? Or it could just be about the now very dark blue and green contusion across her cheek; perhaps he was curious as to how it had happened?

It was probably nothing, but still his hands shook slightly as he poured the boiling water, trying to squash all the darker fears that attempted to claw at him.

_'__She's been distancing herself,' _his terror slipped through. _'and something is upsetting her…'_

Kenshin knelt at the table with Dr Genzai, placing the tea before him with every intention to wait patiently for an explanation, but before he even realised it had happened, he blurted. "Is Kaoru-dono alright?"

Embarrassed by his outburst, he looked down at the steaming tea he was pouring and began to mumble an apology. He was stopped in his tracks by the friendly chuckle of the old doctor, who reached over to accept the hot beverage Kenshin offered him.

"Don't apologise, Himura-Kun," he smiled genially. "My reason for speaking to you is an awkward one, and I too would much rather get to the point and have done."

Kenshin blinked owlishly, waiting with bated breath for him to continue. Dr Genzai seemed to be struggling with the right words to say, and it was unnerving to see him so flustered.

"I've always considered you to be a good man, Himura-kun, and despite…" he paused, shaking his head and waving one hand off to the side dismissively. "All _this, _I continue to believe that you are. I want you to know that."

Nodding his acquiesce, but still totally mystified, Kenshin simply waited for more clarification. Perhaps it was about himself, and not Kaoru at all that he wished to speak?

"There is no easy way to say this," continued Genzai, clearly uncomfortable. "But I have known Kaoru-chan since she was born. I delivered her to the world. I knew Koshijiro when we were just boys, and now that Maekawa-san has left Tokyo, I feel a certain responsibility for her."

"That is understandable." Kenshin agreed, quietly feeling a certain awe for this man, who had brought the bright star that was Kaoru safely to the earth, so that he might find her sixteen years later.

"Just so," replied the older man, apparently relieved that they were on the same page. "She came to see me, you see. A few days ago."

Kenshin didn't see at all, but chose to remain silent, restraining the rather poor-mannered urge to jump up and shake it out of the old man.

"She was asking me… questions."

There was something very deliberate about the way he had said that, looking Kenshin directly in the eye, as if trying to convey something important to him. He could only stare back, still at a complete loss as to what they were even talking about.

At this rather bleak response, the doctor sagged visibly and sighed, eyeing Kenshin as if he were a puzzle to be solved.

"Himura-kun, she wanted to know about what goes on between a man and a woman."

He knew his jaw had dropped at this, but was powerless to do anything about it, "She... she wanted…?"

"Yes," the Doctor took a sip of his tea, looking embarrassed. "She wanted to know _everything_. I have never been so closely questioned about it in all my career. She wanted to know how it worked, what she could expect, how to do… things. She even asked about ways to make sure she didn't conceive, and that was what concerned me."

Kenshin's head was spinning madly as he tried to absorb this. Why would she want to know? What was she thinking? She was too young to be… surely she didn't….did she? _Was_ she?

The old man passed a small package of herbs across the table to him. "It isn't a long-term preventative, but if she insists then it's the best I can offer. I hope you understand that."

"What is it?" asked Kenshin curiously, as he picked it up.

"It's Daucus Carota," replied the doctor, giving him an uncharacteristically appraising look. "She should boil it in water and drink as if it were tea after any time that you…. copulate."

Understanding dawned as he felt himself turn beetroot from the hairline down. The old doctor thought that he and Kaoru were… that they were…

He gulped visibly as he tried to keep his over-active imagination under control.

"Himura-kun?" Genzai's voice pulled him out of his swirling thoughts. "Do you plan to marry Kaoru-chan? I mean no offence when I say this, and I appreciate that different couples do things in different ways, but still…. I would like to know that you aren't simply misusing her trust in you, _my _trust in you, and that you at least have some thought as to her reputation."

Kenshin's mind shut down.

"Kaoru-chan may not be exactly wealthy, but she comes from a good family and her dowry is nothing to be sniffed at," the old doctor barrelled onwards. "And she would make you an excellent wife, I'm sure. She is loyal and kind, and quite pretty. She would make a good mother to your children, too. She has good wide hips and she is sturdy enough to-"

"Doctor!" Kenshin cried out suddenly, unable to hear any more of this. "_Please_, I don't know… I don't know what to say to you."

His mind was humming as he rubbed his hands down his face firmly, trying to erase the image of Kaoru's sturdy, child-bearing hips.

It was like she was a bargain piece of fish that needed to be sold before it spoiled. He knew the doctor meant well, but… He didn't need to be told that she was loyal and kind, and she was a damn sight more than 'quite pretty'.

"Has she…" He continued, trying to form the words he wanted to say without sounding as faint as he felt. "Has she given any _indication_ that she and I… that we… That she…"

_'__Please don't make me say it.'_ he begged silently as he looked helpless up at the doctor as he floundered.

"What do you mean?" asked Genzai incredulously, "I just assumed she was referring to you. You mean you and Kaoru-chan have never had intercourse?"

He shook his head dumbly, unable to make any other answer.

"_Never?_"

"No!" Kenshin burst out, shocked by the old man's innate surprise at this piece of information, "I would be lying if I said I didn't want… but she has never shown any… I don't believe her to be… she's still so innocent and…"

The doctor looked at him as if unconvinced, "Hmph. Not as innocent as you might think, Himura-kun. She certainly understood what it was she was asking when we spoke. That girl knows her own mind, you know."

He knew, but still… what could she be thinking?

"I'm sorry, Himura-kun," said the older man, smiling resignedly as he stood. "Perhaps I should be speaking to that young Takahashi boy…."

Kenshin leapt to his feet at this, knocking the table and sending the cups scattering. The doctor stopped in his tracks looking up in surprise at his violent movement, but he hardly even noticed. He glared at the small, incriminating package sat on the table, mocking him.

"No!" he breathed through gritted teeth, squeezing his eyes as tightly shut as he could, trying to blot out the incessant image of Kaoru in the arms of that… _That_….!

"Himura-kun?"

"Don't talk to him about this," he said quietly. "I'll talk to Kaoru when she comes home. Perhaps she hasn't…yet… and it isn't too late."

The now quite concerned doctor nodded slowly and stood in the doorway for a moment, watching him. Kenshin looked at him and smiled sadly, shrugging his shoulders slightly.

"If it comforts you at all, I would like you to know that if Kaoru-dono would have me, I would marry her in a moment."

Dr Genzai looked at him sympathetically. "Then I hope that she will have you."


	6. Chapter 6

Sitting on the floor of the kitchen, Kenshin stared out the window at the quickly darkening sky, through half-lidded eyes. He tapped his fingers absently on the now practically empty bottle of sake next to him, lost in his own bleak thoughts.

He wasn't drunk.

After the doctor had left, he had just sat at the table, staring at the packet of herbs that had been left for Kaoru, until the barrage of emotions became too much to bear. He began to pace around the house like a caged animal, wanting to block out the knowledge of Kaoru's conversation with Dr Genzai, but unable to do so.

It wouldn't take much to simply _take care _of Ryota Takahashi; just rough him up a bit until he backed off. He couldn't possibly care for Kaoru the way she deserved!

But then, what right did he have? Who was he to decide? What if she loved him? He couldn't see her falling for just anybody. She had a lot of integrity, and whatever this new information had made him wonder, she wasn't the kind of woman to sleep around, and that could only mean that she planned to marry him.

Kaoru was in love with another man, and she wanted to marry him. She wanted to _marry _him.

He had found himself in the kitchen, and looking at the large, unopened bottle of sake that Sano had given him for his birthday last year.

Why not? He could hold his drink, a few wouldn't do any harm.

Hours later, sitting propped up against the wall, he vaguely realised that it had been very good sake. He had taken more than he had originally intended but he wasn't drunk. He _did _feel strange though; as if he was detached from the world around him and watching through a window. He also felt as though he had slept, but couldn't remember doing so.

_'__Kaoru should have been home a while ago.'_ he noted dully, torn between wanting to see her and dreading it. _'She's probably still in the bathhouse…'_

Kenshin sighed heavily as he hauled himself up onto his feet. He would just make sure she was back safely before he started dinner. He felt a little bad for letting the afternoon slip past him as it had, knowing he hadn't done half what he would usually in a day. Kaoru's bath, for example. He knew she was perfectly capable of doing it for herself, but still he would always try and make sure it was ready for her when she got home.

He enjoyed doing these kind of things for her; it was a small and seemingly insignificant thing, but he found great pleasure in it, if only because despite how long he had been doing it, she never expected it. It was his favorite part of the day.

Today he hadn't done it. What did that say about the state their relationship was currently in? Perhaps he was reading too much into it, but still… he felt like this tiny part of their day being forgotten was significant. He had missed it. He had missed the look of profound gratitude on her face as she realised, and then the small, shy smile as she thanked him.

As he walked out onto the engawa, the chilly air struck him and made him feel dizzy for a moment. He leaned heavily against the door frame to steady himself as the world span uncontrollably. He felt so light-headed…

"Kenshin?"

He turned to where Kaoru's voice had come, but couldn't seem to focus on her blurred form. He shut his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb as he tried to get his body back under control.

"Kenshin, are you okay?" He felt her hand touch his arm gently and heard the worry in her voice as she spoke, causing him to smile a little at the irony. It had taken her to be upset with him, for him to do something stupid, to get her to show that she still cared about him.

He opened his eyes, and although his vision was still a little hazy, he could at least see her now. She was stood very close to him, still clutching at his arm, her large, blue eyes wide with concern for him.

Still leaning on the doorframe, he took his other hand and placed it comfortingly on her shoulder, currently finding himself unable to articulate that he was fine. Her midnight hair brushed over his fingers, still damp from her bath, and he could feel the warmth of her body radiating from under her kimono.

"Are you sick?" she asked, her dark eyebrows creased upon her forehead, and her soft, full lips pouted slightly, in a far too tempting invite to be kissed….

She was so beautiful. No one could possibly deserve her love, and if no one could, why not him?

"Why not, indeed…?" he heard himself murmur, as his hand moved from her shoulder to lightly stroke her un-bruised cheek.

He watched, fascinated, as a faint pink blush graced her features and she lowered her lashes, blinding her most expressive feature from him. Kenshin frowned slightly at this, but undeterred, he reached out to take a few strands of her hair between his fingers and held them carefully. She glanced back up at him, confusion lacing her expression, before once again looking down and away from his gaze.

"Kaoru," he smiled, amused by her shyness. "Won't you look at me?"

"No."

Kenshin chuckled deeply at this, as he reached around to thread his hand through her ponytail, sliding it down slowly and reveling in the soft skeins sliding between his fingers. He saw her shiver visibly at this, and felt a mild gratification that he had caused it.

"Why not?" he smiled, trying without luck to catch her eye and get her to look at him. When no answer was forthcoming, he took a chance and gently touched her chin and tried to tilt it upwards.

She instantly rebelled against this, and quick as a flash, tried to slap his hand away angrily. Of course, he had the slightly unfair advantage of being a lot quicker than she, and caught her wrist, holding it up above her head firmly.

He was standing free of the shoji's beam now, their two bodies so very close to one another, but not quite touching, save the faintest contact of her breast against his chest with every breath she inhaled.

"Please Kenshin, don't," she whispered, looking at him with that immense pain radiating from her deep eyes as she had been for the last few days. "You're confusing me."

The anguish he heard in her voice ripped at his soul, and he knew nothing except that he wanted to heal it. He wanted to protect her, even from herself as much as from anything. Ryota could never love her the way he did, and he wanted, _needed _to show her that. How could she make a choice if she didn't know she had one? How could he know she had rejected him if he never even tried?

His alcohol fuelled logic clicked everything into place as he made a decision. Still holding her hand up over her head, he slipped his free arm around her small waist and pulled her up as closely against himself as he could.

He watched as Kaoru's eyes widened in shock, apparently too taken aback to try and escape.

_'__So much the better,'_ he thought wryly, as he studied her face lovingly through fuzzy, half-lidded eyes, and watched instinctively for any signs of fear. When he found none, he leaned down to her and reverently placed a soft kiss upon her pink, dewy lips.

She felt so good, all her soft curves pressing sensuously into him like this. He felt her relax against him, and his heart leapt in his chest as she pushed forward ever so slightly against the kiss.

At this small sign of encouragement, he carefully pushed back, applying more pressure to her lips and spanning his hand over her back, bending her backwards a little.

Kaoru made a small sound in the back of her throat at this, causing him to pull back again, for fear of scaring her.

A jolt of desire shot through him at the expression on her face, and he found himself breathing heavily at the sight. Her eyes were closed, face tilted up to him, and lips parted slightly, as if she was waiting for him to kiss her again.

He felt all his inhibitions fly out from himself, and letting go of her wrist to slip instead to the nape of her graceful neck, he crushed his lips to hers passionately. At the feel of her arms suddenly flying around him and trying to pull him closer to herself, Kenshin silently rejoiced at finally winning this small battle.

Their bodies melded together perfectly as his lips slid hungrily over hers, wanting more from this second of time than either of them could possibly give. Her hands grasped almost desperately at the back of his clothes, and he reached up and tangled his own fingers through her silky hair, tugging the ribbon loose a little as he did. As his hand descended through the dark locks, he sucked on her lower lip seductively, knowing that if she pulled away from him now, he would never recover from the feeling of her kiss.

Spurred on by her small gasp of pleasure, he once again claimed her mouth in a searing kiss, thrusting his tongue passionately past her lips to glide hotly across her own. When he felt her respond in kind, something feral deep inside himself roared it's pleasure, reveling in her own need for him.

He suddenly felt the overwhelming need to touch and taste every inch of her lithe body; to know every curve, groove and plain of her. He wanted to touch her and kiss her all over, until all she could feel was him, and all he could taste was her.

Keeping her locked tightly in his embrace, he pushed her firmly against one of the posts supporting the roof from the engawa and slid his hand from her back around to her front, to gently cup her breast. His other hand was happily occupied with her neck, fingers spanning her nape, and thumb gently stroking her throat.

Unable to resist the temptation any longer, he reluctantly released her lips and pressed his now sensitive mouth just under her ear. She moaned softly and tilted her head away, offering more of her beautiful skin to his kiss. As his lips slid fervently across her supple throat, his hand moved up from her voluptuous breast to the collar of her kimono. He gently tugged and encouraged it down her shoulder, exposing more for his hungry lips to touch.

Kenshin muzzily realised that her obi was stopping him from making any further progress, and so freed his hands from their previous occupations and put them to work untying the complicated knot at her back.

As he did so, Kaoru moved her head to his shoulder, panting heavily and whimpering as he kissed and sucked her creamy shoulder and collar bone. One of her hands let go of this clothes to touch his hair, stroking it lightly, then pushing it to one side. A wave of relentless desire crashed over him as he felt her own hot mouth close delicately over his neck, returning the kiss he had bestowed on her only a few minutes earlier.

He heard himself groan with his intense desire for her as he pushed her roughly back against the beam, hands pausing in their quest to free her obi to hold her tightly and pull her back against his hard body. He felt a sharp pain as she nipped and sucked at the skin expertly, attempting to leave a mark…

Through the mist of the alcohol and the fog of desire, the realisation that she seemed to know exactly what she was doing pierced his heart.

Had she been like this with another man? In the arms of another man, kissing him ardently and allowing him to touch her the way Kenshin was doing? With Ryota?

He suddenly pulled away from her and stepped back, holding her at arm's length. She looked confused and worried, but he knew he couldn't let this go on until they had cleared things up between them.

"Kaoru," he said hoarsely, choked by emotion. "I love you."

Kenshin watched as the confusion melted away from her face to be replaced by wonder. As he saw her eyes glaze over with fathomless emotion at this revelation, he nearly lost himself to his desire once more.

"I love you more than I thought was possible," he continued, looking longingly back to her, but standing firm. "And whatever happens, I will never hold your tryst with Ryota Takahashi against you."

"My what!" She cried out suddenly, looking horrified.

"I know, Kaoru, about you two," he continued, pained by the very thought of it. "Dr Genzai came by today and left some herbs to keep you from conceiving. I only hope they haven't come too late, but even then I would-"

Kaoru slapped him full across the face. Hard.

Reeling from the shock as much as from the blow, Kenshin let go of her and fell back.

"How dare you," she growled, fury pouring from her. "_How dare you!_"

Like a lead weight sinking into the pit of his stomach, he realised he had made a terrible mistake. "Kaoru, I-"

"No!" she screamed, covering her ears and shaking her head violently. "Stay away! Leave me alone!"

As she turned to run from him, he caught her obi to try and stop her, but it simply fell away, pooling uselessly at his feet.

000

Authors note: I'm actually going to power through and post it all tonight after all. Reading through it is making me wince, so I'd like to get it out of the way, lol


	7. Chapter 7

"Urgh…"

The first thing Kenshin realised, was that he was cold.

The next was that he felt terrible.

He tried to open his heavy, sleep crusted eyes, but quickly shut them again as the blinding sunshine poured in, causing his head to pound painfully. After a moment of rubbing his face and trying to sightlessly work out where he was, he tried again. Blinking quickly and trying to ignore the throbbing of his head and his aching muscles, he pushed himself up into a sitting position.

His mouth tasted like something had died in there and his stomach churned precariously as he tried to take stock of where he was. After a moment, he realised he was cold because he was on the engawa, outside Kaoru's bedroom, with her discarded obi still clutched in his hands.

Memories of the previous night came flooding back to him mercilessly. He held up the incriminating item of Kaoru's attire with shaky hands, horrified as he remembered what he'd drunk, done and most importantly, _said_.

_"__How dare you!"_

Her livid, hurt and disgusted expression haunted his aching head, even as the recalled words stabbed at him. How could he be so stupid? What must she think of him? If only he had kept his mouth shut!

Kenshin frowned slightly and looked hard at the simply embroidered obi, as if it contained all the answers he needed. He had told her he loved her. She had looked… Happy? Or shocked? He couldn't really remember. But she had kissed him back, and that counted for something.

He quickly became absorbed in his memories of how it felt to hold and kiss her. To touch her. To have her return the affection and desire, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Realization and clarity seemed to shine through the cloud of jealousy that had been fogging his mind and ruining his judgement; of course Kaoru wasn't bedding with Takahashi. It was unforgivable of him to even consider it, let alone _say_ such a thing, and whilst confessing his undying love and adoration to her, no less.

She had every right to be angry with him, to never speak to him again. He had doubted her honour and integrity, and what was worse, he was the cause of her tarnished reputation around town in the first place. Living alone with an unmarried man as she was, he knew she was gossiped about and labelled by the clucking townswomen, and although they never spoke of it, he knew that she knew, too. For him to then accuse her in that same way was inexcusable.

He cursed himself and looked at the closed shoji that separated the two of them, relieved to hear the sound of her quiet, steady breathing as she slept. Not for the first time that week, he vowed that he would make amends. He didn't know how, and he didn't know if she would ever forgive him for his mistake and idiocy, but he knew he would do it. Today.

He also knew that before he did anything else, he needed a bath.

000

About an hour later, a cleaner, fresher and much more determined Kenshin appeared from his room and began to head to Kaoru's, in the hopes of catching her before she woke.

He had decided to just be straight with her. No more lies. No more excuses. No more fumbling around like a pubescent teenager. He would just walk right up to her, apologize profusely for his behavior last night, explain himself, and tell her, honestly and _soberly _that he loved her and wanted to marry her.

It was that simple.

Now he was stood outside her door, shoulders set resolutely and taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. He was just about to knock, when the shoji swished open and there she stood, apparently as surprised as he was.

He saw her quickly school her expression into something blank and distant, almost as if she was looking right through him.

Suddenly faced with her cold look, he found that all his earlier confidence and determination vanished. He just stared at her stupidly as any planned words he had rehearsed failed him and fled with his previous resolve.

"Excuse me, I'm going to be late," She spoke emotionlessly, clearly waiting for him to move out of her doorway.

He could only watch, dumbfounded that this beautiful woman only a few hours ago had allowed him to lay his wholly unworthy hands upon her…

_'__Don't stand there thinking idiotic things like that!'_ yelled his inner monologue. _'Do something!'_

He shook himself out of his bewilderment and suddenly held out her carefully folded Obi to her. "I-"

"I don't want that back," she cut in, flinching at his outstretched arm, then looking away. "Just get rid of it. I don't care how."

_'__Not the best start, but…'_

"Kaoru, I-"

"I don't want to hear it." She interrupted him again, infuriatingly, once more knocking the wind from his sails.

"But why-"

"Because I already know what you're going to say."

He watched her carefully, knowing that if this kept up, and she would only allow him to say two words at most, they had to be good. He was surprised when she looked him full in the face, pain and frustration evident in her expression.

"You're going to say you're sorry for last night," she looked at him almost desperately. "That you were drunk and it should never have happened and it won't happen again."

Hope kindled in his heart at this, but he knew he daren't act on his assumptions, having learnt from his mistake the night before. Now was the time to be honest and forward with her, and in doing so, he could only hope for the best.

"You're right, Kaoru," he began, pausing for the interruption that never came. "I am sorry and I was drunk and I will never again treat you in that way for as long as I live…"

Kenshin's voice died in his throat as he watched her eyes grow more dim than he had ever seen them. Her sadness was palpable, and it rent his heart to see it.

"So," she spoke quietly, quieter than he had expected from the immense tension of her body. "That's it. Finally. Now I know…"

Before he had a chance to register the unshed tears that sprang to her saddened eyes, Kaoru pushed past him, and forced her way out into the yard. As he watched her walking quickly away from him, he suddenly realised the importance of what had just passed between them, and his fatal mistake.

Kaoru thought he had just rejected her.

She had taken his apology to mean that he was sorry for touching her… For telling her that he loved her!

"No no! Wait!" He shouted out frantically, plummeting after her and grabbing her hand to stop her from running again. "Kaoru, no, I didn't-"

"Kaoru-san?"

It took every ounce of restraint not to round on the intruder and curse at them for interrupting him; more so when he saw who it was speaking.

"Ryota-kun," murmured Kaoru, looking lost for a moment before visibly shaking herself. "I'm sorry for the delay, I was distracted."

"So I see," he replied, looking pointedly at Kenshin and her entwined hands and then up at him.

_'__Insolent brat,'_ Kenshin raged silently as he released Kaoru's warm fingers from his grasp. _'I could teach you a lesson you would never forget without even breaking a sweat.'_

"Of course, you know my _lodger_ Kenshin?" Kaoru said forcefully, and had she said it only five minutes before, it would have stung to hear it. But not now. Now he knew. She had given herself away.

"We've met," Ryota said curtly, dismissing Kenshin as nothing as he turned his attention to the Hakama-clad beauty stood between them. As Ryota's eyes appraised her thoroughly, lingering for far too long on the male points of interest, Kenshin felt his already taut nerves twanging dangerously.

He looked at Kaoru to gage her reaction to this indecent scrutiny, but he was taken aback to find her looking at him, a startled expression on her face. Realising his anger was showing, he chose not to hide it from her and turned his attention meaningfully back to Ryota.

"Yes, and you were just as poorly mannered then as well," he growled menacingly, causing Ryota to look up in surprise. "A gentleman doesn't stare at a young lady like that, Ryota-_chan_."

Kenshin was satisfied to see his horrific insult had hit its mark exactly as the young man's face reddened instantly with black rage. He knew that it was low, that he had basically implied that Ryota was a small child, or even a girl, and that being the older of the two by a good ten years, there was nothing he could do about it, but his fuse had burnt down as short as it would go and he was in no mood for games.

"Kaoru-dono will no longer be requiring your services," he continued coldly. "You may go."

"Kenshin!" Kaoru gasped, blue eyes wide as his gaze flicked to her briefly before turning back to the furious boy.

"We have a re-match this morning," Ryota spat. "Are you saying she is unfit to compete?"

He knew he was taking liberties. He knew he was making Kaoru as angry as he was making Ryota, but he intended to finish this, and finish it _now_.

"No, I am saying that _you_ are unfit to compete," Kenshin stood facing the taller male, hand resting on the hilt of his Sakabato in a silent warning. "There is no need for a re-match, as Kaoru-dono is a far better swords master than you."

"She is a woman! Her Dojo is empty! She lost!"

_'__That's right, go ahead and bury yourself with your foolishness…'_

"And yet, she is better that you," Kenshin rejoined calmly. "She only lost to you because of your own lack of skill. In all the time that Kaoru-dono has been teaching Yahiko and Shinichi-kun, in all the times she has knocked them to the ground, not _once_ has she hit hard enough to leave a mark like the one that _you _have left. Not _once_ has she aimed for their face, because no honorable sword master would be _clumsy _enough to do that."

"To say that her move was incorrect is feeble, and to offer to help her perfect her _already _perfect form is more feeble still. You have no right to pin your own incompetence upon her flawless skill. To use your complete unworthiness as an excuse to lust after her is a disgrace."

"You are of course right when you point out that she is a woman, and Kami-sama forgive me that it took all this for me to see that, but I plan to remedy that, and soon." As he spoke, his feet carried him slowly closer to the boy, purposefully. "She is too good for you. In every way."

Feeling a wave of satisfaction at Ryota's quailing eyes and the sweat of his fear, he released his collar and glared menacingly. The boy had the sense to turn on the spot and run back out the way he came, proverbial tail between his legs.

"Kenshin!" cried Kaoru from behind him, shock evident in the pitch of her voice. "You can't just-"

"Enough," he smiled in amusement as he turned to face her, reveling in the fact that for the first time today, he was interrupting _her. _"That's enough."

He grinned roguishly as he approached her, marveling slightly at the soft pink blush that stained her cheeks. She looked like a deer, caught between the decision of fight or flight. Little did she know that she no longer had a choice.

He suddenly grabbed her by the waist and threw her easily over his shoulder, chuckling gently at the gasp that this action induced, before striding back towards the house, holding her firmly in place.

"You and I are going to talk. Right now."


	8. Chapter 8

"Put me down, Kenshin!" yelled his captive as he held her carefully, but firmly and strode towards the house. "Put me down right now!"

"No, I don't think I will." he smiled amicably as he made a quick decision as to where this conversation should be held. He didn't want to be disturbed by anyone, for any reason, and so deciding that the Dojo was out, as were all the usual communal areas of the house, he headed towards his own room. No one ever went in there except him, and anyone who came calling would assume they were out.

A week ago, the idea of this would have horrified him, but right now, after everything that had passed and the knowledge that Kaoru had at least _some _kind of romantic attachment to him, it was time to take the bull by the horns. He was done pussy-footing around.

He loved her.

He wanted her.

He was going to tell her so.

"Kenshin, stop this!" Kaoru continued to shout, wriggling around on his shoulder continually, causing him to pause in his tracks for fear of dropping her. "Put me down! Put me _down_!"

In one fluid motion, he adjusted his hold on her, swept her down from her perch on his shoulder and into his arms. She looked up at him with huge eyes full of surprise at the sudden change of position.

"Better?" he smiled down at her, cradled gently in his hold like the precious treasure that she was.

"That isn't what I meant," Kaoru coloured up prettily and lowered her lashes as she mumbled. "I meant _all _the way down."

Kenshin only chuckled at her apparent embarrassment and continued towards his door. He heard the woman in his arms gasp quietly as she realised where they were going and had to swallow the urge to ask her if it was alright for her to be in there. It wasn't that he didn't care about her being comfortable, but rather that he needed her to understand that he was serious enough to shut out the rest of the world whilst they talked.

_'__That, and it's convenient…' _His inner pervert piped up, as he remembered the night before, but he shook the thought away quickly. That wasn't what this was about. This was about making amends, understanding each other, and most importantly, being honest.

If she could love him, just a tiny bit, he knew he could at least try to keep her to himself. He would love her and take care of her as no other man could, and he would make it his life's work to make her happy.

All he had to do was convince her.

As they entered his room, he stood with his back to the door to keep her from running and reluctantly let go of her. Kenshin watched warily, awaiting the attempt at escape as she tried to smooth her clothing and hair, whilst hiding her obvious mortification.

After a moment, she turned completely away from him and wandered around his room, apparently interested in the small bits and pieces that littered his shelf and small side table. He waited by the doorway, just in case it was a ploy of some kind, but looked on curiously as she inspected his meagre possessions.

He suddenly felt unsure of himself again. He had so little to offer her….

"The last time I was in here was way back after Jineh," she told him quietly as she reverently touched the carefully folded ribbon that had once belonged to her and now sat on his shelf. "It was so bare back then…"

Kenshin saw her smile a little smile as her attention moved to less familiar objects. He suddenly found himself heading over until he was stood just behind her, resting his hand on her small shoulder as he pointed at one thing after another, explaining what they were.

An old, chipped sake bowl that they had shared at Sano's party before he had tried to leave with Katsuhiro. A bright red, carefully dried leaf from the night he had left for Kyoto. The end of a broken Shinai that had snapped when Kaoru had fought against the Hiruma brothers on the night she asked Kenshin to stay.

They smiled and laughed together quietly as they became lost in their shared memories. Kenshin slowly showing her how much she truly meant to him, and Kaoru looking slightly awed by this strange, but meaningful collection of bits and pieces that symbolized their time together.

Eventually, he stopped, looking seriously at the last item; the most painful memory….

"Why would you keep that?" she gasped, picking up the two cleanly cut halves of her own Ihai with slightly shaking hands and looking up at him with shock and concern crossing her features. "Misao said she had thrown it out. Why do you have it?"

Kenshin slowly took the two pieces from her warm hands, finding himself to be a little disturbed by the sight of her holding them. At the time, he hadn't been a hundred percent sure why he had picked them up and kept them.

"Perhaps I should not have done, and yet…" his grasp tightened around the cold stone for a second, before he placed them back on the side, returning his attention to Kaoru's worried face. "It is oddly comforting to me to have them here, split in two like this."

He reached out and lightly placed his hand on her cheek, smiling at her confusion. There was so much to tell her, so much she didn't know…

"Is it the same as when you stand in the Dojo late at night?"

_'__Or not.' _he thought wryly as she waited expectantly for his answer.

"Yes it is," he smiled faintly, watching her crossing her arms and raising her dark eyebrows in a distinctly 'no nonsense' fashion. "And since when have you known about that?"

"You tend to be quite, um, _vocal_ about your nightmares, Kenshin," Kaoru fidgeted at this, and mumbled uncomfortably. "I thought I had become used to it, but well… Those first few weeks after we got back…"

He frowned as her voice trailed off, feeling slightly ashamed of himself for not realising the noise he must have been making.

"I'm sorry, Kaoru-dono," he began, feeling his face flush in shame. "I didn't realise."

She seemed surprised by this. "Of course you didn't. Why should you? I've never minded."

He smiled fondly at her, and reached up to tuck a stray strand of her dark hair away from her face. Kaoru's lips parted slightly and her forehead creased in puzzlement, before she looked away and sighed heavily.

"At least when you awoke from your nightmares I knew how to handle you," she murmured quietly. "I knew how to be your friend."

"Then I am more sorry for that than I can say," he told her seriously, trying to catch her eye. When she looked back up to him cautiously, he smiled a little sadly. "You are, and always will be, my dearest friend. But is that all you want from me, Kaoru? Friendship?"

"What else is there?" she asked sharply, anger flickering. "After all, I'm such an easy woman, having a 'tryst', as you put it, with probably the most despicable man in town. What could you possibly want from me?"

He knew he had deserved that, but he couldn't keep himself from flinching anyway. The sting of the verbal barb was slightly softened by her calling Ryota 'despicable', but that she then took a step away from him, renewed his pain. He allowed this small rebellion, but made sure to keep himself once more positioned between her and the still open door.

"I was a fool," Kenshin told her simply. "I knew better than that, I knew that _you _were better than that, but I was so blinded by my jealousy that I couldn't think straight. I suppose I just let my emotions get the better of me."

Her arms dropped to her sides and her utter amazement at his words was almost palpable, "You… were jealous….?"

"Very," he smiled good-naturedly at her shock. "You didn't want to see me, and you were spending all your time with Ryota-kun. I barely knew how to function."

For an instant Kaoru looked as if she might laugh, but quick as a flash, it was gone again. He dearly wished she would laugh; he didn't want her to be angry with him anymore.

"I have never had to deal with such an unpleasant emotion before, and I'm afraid to say that 'dealing with it' was not something I did with any particular prowess," he continued, quirking an eyebrow at her charmingly. "In actual fact, I might go so far as to say I did an appalling job of it."

"I can barely believe you," she responded quietly, glancing warily up at him, as if expecting it all to be some big joke on his part. "What did you have to be jealous about? You never seemed to mind, and you left me well alone-"

"Only because you asked me to, Kaoru," he interrupted uncharacteristically, not wanting this to spiral into another misunderstanding. "It pained me every second of every day to know that you were suffering and all I could do for you was leave you be. I was so afraid to lose you… and then Dr Genzai came to see me about your visit to him, and well, I suppose I let my imagination run away with me."

He tentatively inched closer to her, not wanting to press or push her into accepting him, but wanting desperately for her to allow him to close the void between them. Kaoru was still watching him, a mixture of doubt and disbelief swimming in her deep, blue eyes, but made no move to maintain the distance.

"You were never supposed to find out about my talk with Dr Genzai." she blushed, looking away from him once more.

Kenshin had of course figured that much out for himself, but decided to leave the silence for her to fill this time.

"I went to see him weeks ago. Before any of this trouble with Ryota-kun," she said, fiddling with her hands in agitation. "I just… I thought it might be a good idea."

"But why?" he asked, unable to contain himself. If it wasn't anything to do with Takahashi, then what had prompted the action?

"Because… because I've noticed for a while now that… well, a man has been looking at me. Oddly."

Kenshin's blood ran cold, as the all too familiar feeling of all-consuming jealousy reared its ugly head.

"Who?" He ground out, trying to keep himself in check, and therefore being reduced to monosyllabism.

"Well, you know, it doesn't really matter," she suddenly began to babble nervously. "I was wrong anyway, so it's fine. I suppose I just misunderstood, but well, a girl can never be too careful, and it's better to be safe than-"

"Who, Kaoru?"

He internally cringed at the flintiness of his own voice, but as it stopped her frantic chattering and excuses, he found himself instead focusing on her wide eyes and the agitated set of her mouth. After a moment of being frozen in place, Kaoru sagged visibly in defeat and reached back to massage her tense neck and shoulders, looking down at her feet.

"Well," she began slowly, still looking intently down at her Tabi-clad toes. "_You_ actually."

Kenshin knew that his mouth was hanging open in complete and utter shock, but he couldn't seem to shake himself enough to close it. Rocked to his very core, it was all he could do to remain upright.

_'__She's so young, she's so innocent,' _taunted something sarcastically in his otherwise deathly silent mind. _'She'll never realise, I'll just keep it hidden from her. Idiot.'_

"At first I thought I was imagining things, but then Tai asked me if we'd finally…" Her voice vanished as her face reddened, still not looking at him. "And then, even Yahiko made a couple of comments and well… like I said, It's better to be safe than sorry, really. I mean, it's best to be, um, _prepared_, I guess…."

Kenshin couldn't seem to get himself to talk.

He had been jealous of himself. She had spoken to the doctor because of _him_. She had noticed his watching her and finding excuses to touch her, and like the sensible, independent and stubborn woman she was, she had simply taken it in her stride and gone to see the doctor for advice.

"But the other night, when we were sat on the engawa together, and I tried to tell you how I … How I _felt _about you, you were so distant…" alarm bells began to ring madly in his head, making him pay closer attention to her quiet words, "when I tried to lean against you, the way you do to me sometimes, it was like I wasn't even there… you were just staring off into space, barely listening to me."

_'__You are a complete idiot, you know that?' _continued his inner snarkiness. _'It's like you are hell bent on self-destruction sometimes.'_

"So I changed the topic to Kendo and you were suddenly all interested again, so I left, more confused than ever." Kenshin noticed the bitter tang to her voice as she spoke. "Then the morning came, and I thought that you had probably realised what I was trying to say, but wanted to spare me a flat-out rejection. That embarrassed me, so I left early and sent Yahiko with a message so you wouldn't worry."

Kaoru finally looked up at him, concern etched across her features as she continued. "But Yahiko said you were angry. He told me he hadn't seen you so furious in a long time, and that it was my fault."

At the anguish he saw in her eyes, Kenshin found he was finally able to move again. Taking a deep shuddering breath, he rubbed his hands over his eyes slowly and shook his head. He was such a fool!

"…And then I couldn't concentrate, and I lost to that stupid Ryota, and I had to put up with him being all smug…." Kaoru growled her frustration, her voice becoming louder and angrier with each word. "And then_ you_ show up, and start to _look _at me like… like…. I don't even know anymore! You held me like that, with your eyes burning into me, and I was just so confused! Then you acted like Kendo was all that mattered! As if I would be _that upset _with you over _a sparring match_!"

_Ah._

"You can't just keep toying with me like this, you know," she was angry now, carried away from her embarrassment. "I don't understand what you _want _from me! You're hot then cold, and I just don't-"

Kenshin, unable to contain himself any longer reached out to cup the back of her graceful neck and quickly dropped a gentle kiss upon her soft lips, silencing her instantly. After a beautiful moment of peace and clarity, he released her from his kiss, but kept his hold on her, looking lovingly down into her half-lidded eyes.

"Kaoru," he spoke quietly, not wanting to break the spell. "Can you ever forgive me?"

Her eyes widened instantly in dismay and he quickly realised his foolish blunder. "Forgive you? _Again? _Kenshin! If you don't mean to kiss me then why do you keep-!"

Once more crushing her lips to his own and pulling her warm, soft body against himself possessively, he managed to again avoid disaster by keeping her hot little mouth otherwise engaged. As his lips slid gently over hers, he found himself lingering and dazzled by her ever passionate and pliant response to him.

He finally came up for air, but before she could regain her fury, he smiled and placed a finger over her pink, springy lips.

"_Not _for kissing you," he told her firmly. "But for being too stupid to tell you I love you sooner than this."

Kenshin waited for a reaction that never came. She simply looked at him, watching, _waiting…_

"Kaoru," he murmured huskily. "I love you."

He watched in fascination and she smiled beautifully at his words, a radiant glow in her eyes, kiss-swollen lips curving sensuously, before leaning her dark head forward to rest against his chest. As he held her, he felt her take a deep breath, her arms reaching up tentatively.

They stood that way for a while, simply holding each other, feeling each other's heartbeats and warmth, before Kaoru once again lifted her head and looked happily into his own eyes.

"I love you, Kenshin."

His heart felt like it would burst into a million shining pieces of joy at the sound of her speaking those words to him. His breath hitched, his hands shook, and his skin tingled. He was wholly and completely overwhelmed by the soaring feeling of rapture that wrapped itself around his being, and for the first time in his life, everything was beautiful and perfect.

Kenshin reached slowly up to caressed Kaoru's flushed face with both of his hands, looking deeply into her shimmering eyes. Eyes that were filled with wonderment and love. Love for _him_.

Gently, reverently, he brushed his lips across hers, soft as a whisper. It was barely a touch, and yet, it was the most intimate kiss they had shared thus far.

Kaoru looked hungrily up at him for a moment, before closing the small distance between them and kissing him again. His heart leapt at her need for his touch and soon they simply melted into each other, both lost in the sheer ecstasy of the moment.

He pulled her into a close embrace, reveling in her warmth as she wrapped her slender arms around his shoulders and neck passionately. As their kiss deepened into something more heated and dizzying, Kenshin suddenly became aware of the Shoji behind him still being open.

Reluctant to leave her, even for a second, Kenshin slid his arms around her small waist and lifted her easily so her feet were no longer touching the ground. She squeaked her surprise cutely, but it was lost in their searing kiss before it could become anything more.

He backed up a small way until he was in the doorway, and reaching behind him blindly, slid the door shut.


	9. Epilogue

When Kenshin awoke hours later, he was alone.

He looked around the room for any sign of Kaoru, but there was nothing out of place except for his clothes strewn carelessly about the floor. Had it all been a dream…?

Kenshin smiled as he placed a hand over the still warm impression her slender body had left on his futon. No, it had been real. Even _his _over-active imagination couldn't have come up with something as perfect as that.

Sitting up and stretching out his slightly aching muscles and joints, he looked around for something to throw on quickly so he might go in search of his missing lover. Finding a discarded Yukata, he dressed hastily and left the room that had been sanctuary to some of the happiest moments of his life.

As he padded silently around the house, listening intently for any sign of her, he felt a lightless on his soul and a freeness to his heart that he had never before experienced. Kaoru had given her love and her heart to him readily and trustingly, and the huge responsibility he now carried was uplifting, rather than burdensome - he craved it, just as he craved her….

Entering the kitchen quietly, his soul was soothed by the sight of her, standing with her back to him, apparently unaware of his presence.

Not wanting to startle her, but interested to see what it was she was doing so intently, Kenshin slipped silently up behind her. He peered curiously over her shoulder, and a gentle and amused smile found its way to his face as he recognized the package she was reading from.

"You aren't going to need that," he said huskily in her ear, causing her to start slightly as he slipped his arms around her waist from behind and took the offending package of herbs from her. He closed his eyes contentedly, nuzzling the soft, lightly perfumed flesh of her neck, in an attempt to hide his nervousness.

"Why not?" She murmured quietly, her skin heating instantaneously as she arched into his touch.

"Because I want you to have my children," Kenshin said lightly between the soft kisses he was placing upon her flesh. "And let me live here with you forever, and marry me."

He felt Kaoru freeze in his embrace at his words. Loosening his hold on her to allow her to turn and face him, delight radiating from her like sunshine.

"In that order?" She asked breathlessly, playful laughter dancing in her eyes.

He chuckled, smiling contentedly at Kaoru before leaning down to kiss her soundly. After a brief moment, he pulled away, stroking her jaw line lovingly with his index finger. "Is that a yes?"

Expression softening tenderly, she simply took pack the packet of Dr Genzai's herbs from his hand and dropped them to the floor in a careless manner.

~End


End file.
