1. Chapter 1

_**After watching Wednesday's Child it got me thinking that if Law and order ended or Olivia left was it like that to suggest that she could be was pregnant so it could be bought back later on that the test wasn't negative after all and actually positive. **_

_**This is based on nearing the end of season 15 and how something happens to get Olivia thinking again of what she might of missed out on**_

_**I hope you all enjoy it as I have only started watching the show and I really like Cassidy and Olivia together they make a great couple**_

_**Even though Bensidy may no longer be, I was going to write that into this, but I just couldn't do it sad but I love them together and even though it seems Cassidy thing about having kids it was a way to have Olivia happy and her leave the show or the show to finish. **_

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She never thought taking over from Cragen would be so hard a mother figure she had said everyone wanting her attention and needing it, was it just stress she felt so run down it was starting to take its toll on her, would she have said yes if she knew, maybe they needed another captain one who knew how Special Victims Unit worked.

Her feet up on the couch a bottle of wine next to her, Cassidy back from undercover but working at IAB suppose someone had to, how often had the two of them been home together, they had started to fight a bit, she couldn't open up to him about Lewis, instead the empty nights were filled with glasses of wine, she didn't have a problem. She didn't want to admit to him that the work was causing her stress she never thought that working at SVU would be so hard but then she always had Cragen around or Munch now it was just her, her to make the hard decision decisions that could affect so many people, she always had her opinions or what to do but now everyone depended on her to make the right decision no one to go to, no one to tell her not to do it. She had even snapped at Cassidy a few times over simple things him ringing to ask what food she wanted she snapped at him telling him to make the decision for once she was over it, seriously how hard is it to choose something to eat.

Walking into the apartment the long hours, seeing the glasses and empty bottles of wine surround her girlfriend leaning against the lounge whispering softly "Liv" he hated coming home seeing the bottles of wine surrounding her, he wish he was here more for her, the arguments were small but becoming more constant, him about her drinking, her that he was never home he knew the toll of being in charge was taking on her and he wanted her to take it easy but this was Olivia Benson she lived for SVU .

Looking up at her boyfriend "hey" seeing his eyes looking around "I only had a few" seeing his eyes raised "a few Liv is not the empty bottles lying around" her eyes moving away from him "I need them, just forget it, I'm going to bed"

Watching her walk out she didn't like fighting he couldn't stand by and watch her do the same thing her mother did.

Moving over in the bed his arms around her, despite it all he loved feeling her body pressed against his, the way her hair smelt "Liv, I wish you would talk to me about what happened, instead of drinking"

Her eyes moving round the room could she pretend she was asleep "that isn't why I have a few glasses" stroking her head "its not a few glasses though is it how many bottles do you go through a week, I hate seeing you like this babe"

Closing her eyes she couldn't tell him everything in the courtroom Lewis had humiliated her, Brian was there for part of it "I've told you nearly everything, there are just some things that I can't talk about and you don't want to know" how was she meant to say she lied and that Lewis was handcuffed to the bed whilst she nearly beat him to death that he got to her and it all bottled over, would he understand, she knew Baba didn't believe her but she didn't change her story or the fear she thought "whatever it is Liv, you know you can tell me" moving away from him "I've told you everything you need to know and you were in court that day, just leave it, I've said things to you that no one else knows don't push it any further please, I don't want to remember what happened I just want to forget Lewis ever existed"

His voice soft feeling his fingers on her hair "I know Liv, sometimes I just feel there are things you are hiding from me, and if you spoke about it, maybe you won't drink as much"

Moving further away from him "I don't drink much, if you were home more" nodding his head "yeah Liv It's my fault I'm sorry I'm not home as much but I can't be choosy I've just got my shield back we have talked about it, don't you think I would rather spend my nights here with you than with tucker or out working"

Turning to face him "I never said that it was your fault, I'm tired just go to sleep" turning away from her is this what it is going to be like from now on he knew she had been through a lot and deep down he wondered if taking over from Cragen was the right thing, there was something he needed to say to her, despite it all he didn't want to not be with her, he, he he just had to be with her.

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Her eyes opening in the bedroom, the smell from the kitchen wafting through into the bedroom, throwing on a robe before heading out to the kitchen. Looking up as Olivia walks out "great timing babe, I was going to bring you breakfast in bed" smiling at her boyfriend walking over to him "what's this for" seeing him watch her across the bench "cooking breakfast for my girl" walking around to the kitchen putting her arms across his waist "you not working today" shaking his head getting the toast out of the toaster "a day off, want to do anything or just relax at home"

Grabbing a piece of bacon and popping it into her mouth "I have to go into work this morning" seeing him stop what he is doing a scrowl on his face "Liv, what about taking it easy, we need to spend some time together and you need to take it easy, all this extra workload isn't good for you you need a day off"

Moving towards the bedroom "I will this afternoon, I thought you'd be working today Tucker always has you on call"

Was it too much to ask for his girlfriend to spend some time with him "I can't help that you know that Liv, I had to start somewhere, I got the day off to spend with you" turning to face him from the bedroom door "you should of told me, I'll come home about lunch time, and we can spend the afternoon together doing something"

Walking back into the kitchen dressed for work seeing the plate of bacon and eggs put down sitting opposite him "I'm sorry Brian, I won't stay long, just need to close some of the cases" taking a large gulp of the coffee" walking into the kitchen kissing him

Watching as she goes to walk out the door "Liv, we need to talk"

Her mouth dropping as she looks at him "what about, now?" Wanting to say yes, as there isn't many good times, he didn't want to ruin the day but he needed to tell her "come home and we'll go out to lunch" walking to the door facing Brian "I really am sorry"

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Sitting at her desk she shouldn't of come in, her mind going back to Brian "we need to talk" she knew they were having a few up and downs but she didn't think it was that bad, they didn't spend as much time as they used to but her job was more demanding now she was in charge of SVU her baby her project.

Brought out of her thoughts by the phone ringing "Benson" hanging it up before calling Fin and Rollins she should of known that it would never be just coming in briefly.

Walking into the apartment looking around for Brian, she had tried to call him earlier but he didn't answer, she didn't want to leave a message, looking around she knows she is later than she said but he should realize that cases do come up.

Walking over to the bench seeing a message there _"Liv, I've gone to work, waited but you never came back will be back later tonight" _ she could feel the tears come to her eyes they had nights that were amazing but they were now few and far between

Walking down the sidewalk, her face down, bundled up in her jacket as cold as it was she wasn't feeling it, her thoughts going back to Brian she was in bed last night when he came home pretending to be asleep she didn't want to talk to him not yet but even she was mature enough to know that that they were having problems and had been for a while was she ready to break up with him, could she cope without him despite it all she wanted to be with him, she couldn't imagine him not in her life, her life had been hectic and she had taken it out slightly on him in a way she couldn't blame him.

Looking up as she hears footsteps hurrying up to her nothing said between them as they walk side by side "what's happening here Liv" stopping shrugging turning to face him "I don't know, it seems we're kind of stuck, I've been thinking about it, ever since yesterday, maybe I was kidding myself thinking nothing was wrong here, but we found each other at the low points in our lives, you got shot and demoted and I got …. Hurt, you got me through it all, I don't know if I would of got through Lewis without you" pulling him towards her "we've been there for each other, I'll always be here for you Liv"

Turning to face him "Maybe there is something more right for each of us … I still think about having a family, I want kids and to grow old with someone, that someone I thought would be you, do you ever see yourself having kids growing old with me?"

"I don't see myself growing old Liv" whispering to him "you don't do you" smiling moving away from her "Liv, there's something that's been on my mind for a long time, something I think about that I never told you" as they both stop walking not able to look up at him, hoping this moment wasn't going to come "go ahead tell me I can take it"

Looking down at her she is so damn gorgeous shaking his head "not like that" moving over to her, his fingers reaching for her chin moving her face upwards "I love you Liv"

Surprise in her eyes her voice quivering it wasn't what she expected "I love you too Brian, always will" feeling his lips on her head "let's go" walking off holding each other hands looking up at him as his lips find hers "I do want to work this out Liv, I don't want to lose you" smiling up at him "me too, I don't want to imagine you not in my life" pulling her close to him "you don't have to"

(_that is the way I wanted that scene to go for them to be happy) _

_To be continued _

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_A/N I have yet to watch the episode as we are 4 weeks behind in Australia so it is my reasoning, there is one scene taken from the show as I got the dialogue and loved it, it was so sweet _

_The next chapter will probably be slightly longer wanted to leave it at that scene _


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you for the reviews, followings and favorite, hope you continue to enjoy it. Don't worry it won't be focusing on Olivia and a drinking problem I needed that to draw into part of the problems they are having, it might still be there but not as much it is more focused on Bensidy working out and staying together **_

_**This chapter is what I would of loved one scene to be on the show, other than Internal Affair there wasn't much. **_

_**Hope you continue to enjoy it, still a few more chapters to go **_

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Hearing the front door open turning around a smile on her face as he walks in "hi Babe" feeling his lips on top of her head her feet up on the table "you ok Liv" nodding "yeah I'm fine, how about we get takeout" walking over to his girlfriend "sure you're ok" nodding trying to smile at him "just tired, didn't realize how much extra work being Sergeant and taking over from Captain would be" starting to get up "hey" moving over to her sitting next to her kissing the top of her head "hard day then" nodding her head "think I could just sleep" his arms around her pulling her close to him, his lips finding the top of her head "want me to run a warm bath for you" nodding unable to move away from him "mmm this feels good" his fingers moving down her arms and around them "I love you Liv" looking up at him "yeah, me too" snuggling against his chest he smelt and felt good her hands against his chest "I didn't think I would get this worn out from it all, I don't know how the Captain did it"

His fingers running through her hair "he didn't go out on the job, and try running SVU by himself, you need to slow down Liv" her arms around his waist "I'm fine Bri, its just the team is like kids, you ask them to do something and have to keep an eyes on them, don't know if it is because I became sergeant or what" kissing the top of her head "maybe they are just testing you, you need to take it easy Liv, try not to do so many things, you'll burn yourself out, you need to use your team more, step back from it all, you need to take care of yourself babe" looking up at his face seeing the love in his eyes "that's what I have you for" snuggling against his chest she didn't know how she would of got through it all without him the thought that she could of lost him, her voice soft barely audible "please don't ever leave me" moving his head slightly away from her "what was that" looking up at him before wrapping her arms around his chest "I just want to be here with you to hug me"

Kissing the top of her head before moving away from her "I'll run you a bath and call in some takeaway, then we'll go to bed"

Walking into the kitchen he wanted to take care of her, tried to be here, he was worried about her in more ways than one they were starting to get their relationship back on track looking at her through the kitchen grabbing her a drink walking into the bathroom, coming out a short time later "Liv" seeing her eyes closed bringing over the blanket wrapping it around her kissing her on top of the head seeing her eyes open a smile on her face looking up at him "the bath is ready" his hand on hers helping her there a seductive smile on her face "going to join me"

Standing in the bathroom her eyes fixed on Brian her hand going up undoing her top her eyes fixed on him as her top slips off her down to the ground "Liv you won't relax with me in the bath" her tongue moving around her lips as her hands move down to her jeans undoing the zipper slowly as they slowly fall off her trying not to smile as Brian's eyes widen, she had missed this the passion in their relationship they had hit a wall "I'm sure you can make me relax Bri"

his eyes not moving as her bra slides down as she stretches "shit Liv, what are you trying to do to me" a small smile on her lips he was not able to resist her she knew him better than he knew himself this was the Brian and the way they were before all of this happened walking slowly over to him her body nearly naked her toned body seeing him not able to move as she walks slowly over to him her hands moving over his body under his shirt lifting his shirt over his body.

Unable to resist her "give me a second and I'll be back" a smile on her face as her undies fall to the ground "better hurry"

Turning of the stove his hands on the bench there was a time when they couldn't keep their hands off each other taking a deep breath she was gorgeous and she was his walking inside the bathroom seeing Liv lying in the bath bubbles surrounding her seeing her leg up over the edge a smile on his face seeing her eyes on him as he takes off his clothes hopping in the bath feeling her body lying against his skin his hand moving down her arm and leg, he was totally in love with this woman and had been since the moment he met her again it had taken him so long to say the words, too long that he nearly lost her they nearly lost each other kissing the top of her head. Feeling her hand in his taking it off her arm and leg putting it where she wants it to go, it isn't long before her body starts to give in to him and him to her.

Watching Olivia hop out of the bath the water dripping off her body dropping her head to put her towel around her hair as the towels slowly dries her body each movement deliberate before the towel drops to the floor her bum and legs moving as she walks out the door, he had never got out of the bath that quickly before.

Watching Brian enter the bedroom his eyes upon her naked body still she could see the hunger in them, the bath the beginning of what she hoped lay ahead of them she had missed the inimate physical contact between them, falling asleep with his arm draped over her but they hardly had sex seeing the longing in his eyes, she craved his touch their eyes not moving from each other as he slowly walks towards her his eyes scanning every inch of her naked body unable to control his desire and longing anymore his hand grasping her head his lips finding hers kissing her hard and feverently moving centimetres away from her lips "oh god Liv, I want you so badly" her answer pulling his mouth roughly towards hers before putting her legs around his body there kissing becoming more and more feverent and passionate with each breath they take.

Rolling over hours later feeling Brian's fingers moving around her stomach she hadn't felt this good in ages, turning back on her side to face him leaning on her elbow stroking his face "I'm sorry Bri" seeing his eyes look at her in confusion as she continues "you never got your dinner"

A smile on his face seeing Olivia lying on her side her eyes not moving from his, her touch sending shivers through his body he could look at her all day and night never growing tired of it, he had never felt this way before, he had wanted her 15 years ago and now here she was with him "dessert is always better, I've worked up an appetite" her fingers moving down his arm "thought you had stamina Cassidy" seeing his eyes light up at the thought of a challenge "your on Benson" rolling her over onto her back pinning her arms down as his mouth finds her both of them losing themselves to each other again.

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Walking inside the apartment trying to leave work at a reasonable hour, the problems still there slightly between them but working on them not letting it simmer between them but something is different despite it all they were back on track the spark back in their relationship, she wants this to work out, she can't imagine her life without him in it, the smell waffing through as soon as she opened the door "mmm something smells great" walking into the kitchen as her lips find his "it won't be long, time to have a shower if you want, 15 minutes or so or just relax" walking over to the fridge pouring a glass of wine handing Brian a beer before standing on the other side of the bench, watching Brian a smile on her face they were both making an effort and reconnecting again he had been there through her darkest moments and without him she wondered if she would of come through as much as she didn't want to admit it she had turned to the wine drinking more and more, it had helped block out the memories when Brian wasn't home help them fade for a short period of time, she didn't want to be like her mother but it was her coping mechanism, she was now determined to build on what they had together they had reconnected.

Facing Olivia whilst finishing off dinner her hair pulled back in a ponytail her clothes casual despite it all he was more in love with her he didn't want to lose her but had been so worried about her he didn't want to push her away but he had tried to get through to her he knew he wasn't around as much as he should "Liv" seeing her head tilt slightly sideways "I've given my notice to Tucker no more UC for me"

Looking at Brian the surprise on her face "but you love doing UC Bri you've done it for so long" taking a sip of his beer his eyes not moving from hers "Yeah, but I love you Liv and you were right, I haven't been around as much either with IA or UC and it isn't fair on us, on you"

Walking around into the kitchen her arms around his waist "you need to think about this Bri" looking down at her brown eyes looking up at him concern in them "I have Liv, I still might do the occasional UC like I did with the 12th but I can't put you in danger or here by yourself, hey I miss you when I'm not here" kissing the top of her head

Her eyes moving around part of her was happy but the concern "as long as you're sure, do you really want to be in IA though?"

Moving away from her back to the stove "it's a start Liv, they gave me my shield back" looking at Brian walking around to the table setting it she didn't want him to regret this or resent her "they took it away to start with" glancing at Olivia he thought she'd be happy about his decision spending more time together "you're confusing me here Liv, I thought you'd be happy about this" walking back into the kitchen up to her boyfriend putting her hands under his shirt "I am but I want YOU to be happy" facing her his arms around her body "as long as I am with you Liv, I am happy IA is a start, anything is better than those nights at the Bronx" looking up at him her eyes full of love for her boyfriend "just as long as your're ok with it all" looking down at her finding her lips briefly "I am"

Sitting on the couch her legs curled up underneath her Brian's arms wrapped around her feeling his fingers run up and down her arm, she was finally relaxing the past few months had taken the toll with the trial and taking over from Cragen even knowing Lewis was behind bars for 25 years she would never forget what happened no matter how hard she tried the images would enter her head, she couldn't even open up to Brian she wanted to she really did but she just didn't want him to think of her any differently he had to see the cigarette burns on her chest and arms all over her body but he hadn't asked any questions and she hadn't given him any answers but after the fight the other night she realized how much it was hurting him too but in a different way.

Feeling his lips on top of her head looking up at him a smile on her face as his lips meet hers so soft and gentle snuggling even closer to him "don't ever Leave me" tilting her head up to face him "I won't Liv, I love you and can't imagine my life without you in it"

Her head against his chest her voice soft "Bri it isn't that I didn't want to tell you what happened its" not interrupting her his head tilted his hands running through her hair "its….. just I didn't know how to tell you, then the trial it all came out then, I felt so humiliated" tilting her face to look at him "Liv, I'd never judge you no one believed Lewis, all those things he said, how many times has that happened to other people, you are so strong and have come through it all, it will take time Liv but I'm not going anywhere" her hands around his waist "I didn't want you to look at me any different, Lewis … " moving her head against his chest "I had cigarette burns over my chest, my breasts, arms everywhere I didn't want you to see them the physical scars were a constant reminder of what he did to me"

Stroking her hair "I had never been more scared Liv than when I heard he had you knowing what he had done to his previous victims I felt so helpless it was then I realized that what we had wasn't just some casual thing, I know what people thought, I think we even thought that we wouldn't last but it was then that I couldn't imagine my life without you in it, that I wanted you in it, it was when you stayed at my place that I realized that I didn't want you not in it" turning to look at him "I love you Brian Cassidy" his lips close to hers "I love you too Liv" his lips meeting her soft and gentle at first before becoming more and more passionate.

Lying in bed feeling Brian's arms around her pulling her towards him a smile on her face as her fingers outline his face staring into his eyes feeling his lips upon hers, she was happy, the happiest she had been for a while Brian was here for her, she had to stop pushing him away the past few months had taken the toll on her feeling Brian's lips move down her body letting her body go feeling each touch he made before giving into him. Lying back afterwards it had been months that they were drifting apart but now the passion there the desire and want lying on her side feeling one of his arms wrapped around her the other running down her arm closing her eyes she didn't want this feeling to ever stop she was in love with Brian like she had never been in love before.


	3. Chapter 3

The past few months were beginning to take the toll on her the stress of the trial, then taking over as relief Captain despite Lewis being behind bars she still couldn't relax get the images out of her head, so many things would remind her of what happened various cases what she put her through the look on everyone eyes as she walked through the room. Sitting at her desk the exhaustion setting in, she was tired and run down this wasn't her she was getting worried the fatigue, not only that the smell of coffee was off putting too, after the false pregnancy test her hopes were up for a few days before the test was negative she had hope only slightly that she could of become a mother, Brian was relieved she never told him that she didn't feel relieved but disappointed would he of stayed with her if she was pregnant that she wouldn't know they were back in a good place now, their love life coming back some nights unable to keep their hands off each other she was in love with Brian like she never had been before.

She had taken out her stress on him not wanting to make decision arguing about dinner take away there were still some nights that she came home exhausted she knew Brian was worried but she was made in charge and she was going to prove she could do it

Her eyes moving from her desk around it was still early the others getting their paperwork up to scratch, her eyes moving back to the screen she needed to concentrate.

Her screen was starting to become blurry rubbing her hands across her eyes she needed to see clearly, she needed a drink something to help clear her mind and help her focus, starting to stand up from her seat her head starting to spin, grabbing onto the chair and desk trying to stop herself from falling, the room spinning around hearing voices nothing making sense before going into blackness.

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"Liv, Liv" watching his partner standing there her eyes starting to glaze over "liv you ok" starting to get up watching as she falls to the ground, calling out "somebody call a bus"

Hearing Nick's voice looking up at Liv "Liv, what's wrong, Nick get her to sit down again" watching as she collapses, rushing over to her gently touching her "Liv, It's Fin, Liv can you hear me" Hearing Rollins voice "A bus in on the way, I'll call Cassidy"

Fin leaning down closer to her "She's breathing but unconscious" Rollins moving over "what happened, I can't get onto Cassidy, is he undercover again?"

Fin not even looking up "I don't know, try IAB or IPP, get them to get a message to him, tell them its urgent" turning his attention back to her "Liv, its Fin a bus is on it's way"

Her eyes starting to open slowly looking around, closing them again briefly before opening them trying to focus seeing Fin, Nick leaning down next to her, her eyes moving around the room trying to sit up

Feeling Fin's hand gently on her arm "take it easy Liv, a bus is on its way" her hand reaching up to her face "what happened"

Looking up at Nick motions for the paramedics to come over "you collapsed and fainted" looking up at the paramedics "I'm fine I don't need to be seen"

Watching as they walk over to her "let us be the judge of that" turning to Nick "how long was she unconscious for?" feeling them touch her and look in her eyes "I just fell I'll be fine now" seeing the look in Fin and Nick's face the worry there "she only came to a few minutes ago, she was unconscious for about 6 or 10 minutes"

Seeing the paramedics look at her she knew that face she had seen it too often "we would like to take you to the hospital to be checked out" putting her hand out to stand up shaking her head "I don't need to be checked out, I'm fine, I've had worse"

Looking at Fin and Amanda they should of known how stubborn she would be, watching as she starts to get up, seeing her standing before starting to lose her balance racing over to her as the paramedics grab her before she falls

Moving away slightly pushing her hand on the ground standing up the room starting to spin again going blurry feeling a pair of hands grab her.

Moving over to the seat looking up at the paramedics worry on her face what was happening "Sergeant Benson, you're not okay you need to come to the hospital" nodding at them "I'm not being wheeled out on that" seeing the looks in their eyes "I'm walking" standing up from the chair trying to take one step forward as Nick's hand helps her feeling the paramedics helping her onto the trolley she was in no state to walk out.

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Racing into SVU taking the stairs up two at a time, no time to wait for the lift, the message he received from Rollins, he needed to see his girlfriend racing over to where the paramedics "Liv, how is she, what happened" looking up at her boyfriend "I'm fine Brian you didn't need to come" holding her hand "Liv, you're not fine what happened, the message said you collapsed"

Hearing the paramedics voice "we need to get her to hospital?" his eyes full of worry looking down she looked pale and exhausted he needed answers seeing Olivia's eyes looking up at him concern in them "I'm fine Brian it's just a precaution" raising his eyes at her "on the trolley, I'm coming with you"

Watching as her hand reaches out for his her eyes looking up at her "You don't need to do that, I'm going to be ok"

Shaking his head the frustration building up "Liv I want to come, stop trying to shut me out all the time and let me help you"

Their eyes on Olivia looking up at Brian moving slightly to the side pleading with them to not let Brian come, hearing the frustration in Cassidy's voice.

Feeling Nick's hand on his "Cassidy, Fin and I will take you to the hospital, let them help Liv, we'll meet them there"

Turning away pushing Nick's hand off his running his hand through his hair watching as they wheel his girlfriend out walking over punching her desk it was just like Lewis her keeping everything to herself turning to face them "tell me what happened, why are they taking her to the hospital, how serious is it?"

His eyes moving from Nick to Fin he wanted answers if his own girlfriend wouldn't give them to him then he would get them from her team, her own team mates probably knew more than her boyfriend he thought they were over it and had sorted their problems out but the first hint of something wrong and she clams up again.

His eyes moving to Fin "she just collapsed, she stood up from her desk and the next minute she was on the floor" his eyes looking down "that's it" shaking his head "no there has to be more to it" his eyes moving to Amanda "each time she tried to stand up she couldn't, she couldn't walk"

Running his hand through his hair "I've got to see her"

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Her eyes moving straight ahead she didn't want to see everyone looking at her as she was wheeled out but she had to admit defeat that she wasn't able to walk out, why was she so dizzy and collapsing "your boyfriend can come in the bus" shaking her head she remembered sitting there when he was shot the fear of watching them work on him, she didn't want him to do that, lying there part of her wanting him holding her hand and stroking her hair, she was vulnerable now and she didn't want him to see her in such a weak state, not again this time was different as she wasn't assaulted, she was worried "I want Brian, I need" unable to finish the sentence as her body starts convulsing

Opening the door seeing the paramedics stop his mouth open slightly racing over to them "what's happening"

The paramedics not even turning to face him "she is having a fit" his hands running through his hair watching as his girlfriend's body convulses unable to move as the paramedics turn to each other "we need to get her to hospital now"

Feeling Nick's hand on his arm "Cassidy we will meet them there" nodding unable to say anything watching as the doors close as the bus speeds off as he turns to them "I thought you said she collapsed and now this" walking over to the car hearing Nick's voice "we'll know more when we get there" hearing Rollins voice "they have fixed it so they get all the lights on the way there"

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Looking down at the patient her body finally stop fitting as the machines are fitted to her body yelling out to his partner "we need her at the hospital now" watching as he blood pressure increases "Hang in there Olivia" he knew who the patient was and this time it made a difference he had worked with her before looking at the screen seeing her heart rate start to drop pumping the fluids into her, he had no idea what was wrong with her all he knew was she needed to be at the hospital and now


	4. Chapter 4

_**Thank you for the reviews and the people following or who have favoured this story a few more chapters to go hopefully hope you enjoy it **_

_**This is longer than I first thought but once I started writing I couldn't stop and I wanted it finished with the part that I did. **_

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Racing into the hospital towards the emergency desk "Olivia Benson, where is she"

Looking up at the man in front of her "Sir, what relationship do you have with Olivia" wanting to hit the desk his frustration, worry and concern brewing over trying to remain calm and in control "I'm her partner/boyfriend I need to see her now where is she"

Her eyes on the gentleman in front of her "if you take a seat I will get the doctor or someone to come and see you as soon as possible"

Taking a breath this was his girlfriend here he didn't want a seat he wanted to know what was going on and to see her "I don't want a seat I want to know how Olivia Benson is, just tell me what room she is in"

Walking over to Cassidy Fin knew how worried he was "just take it easy, they will let us know when they can"

moving around the waiting room they had been through some tough times and just when it was looking up this happened "she has just come through the assault Lewis took on her, the court case and now this, how much more does she have to endure" turning to face Fin he wasn't one to confess anything in public but the thought of losing her "I love her Fin, I can't imagine my life without her" nodding at Cassidy he didn't really have an opinion but he knew Olivia was happy and that was all that mattered to him "I know we just have to wait and see"

Pacing around the waiting room looking up as a doctor comes out "Brian Cassidy" nodding as he walks over as the others wait nearby "Can I see her"

Ushering him to a corner "Ms Benson had a fit on the way to the hospital, and her blood pressure went extremely high to dangerous levels, which caused stress on her heart" interrupting the doctor "she is going to be ok" hearing the doctor continue "we have managed to stabilize her, but she is still in a critical condition, we are running more tests now, do you know if she is pregnant or has any medical conditions"

His tongue moving around his lips remembering the conversation he had with her weeks ago "she thought she might be but the test was negative"

"did she see a doctor" shaking his head remembering the conversation "no she got a pregnancy kit from the chemist, you think she's pregnant?" his eyes still on Cassidy "we need to rule out all possibilities to try to find out what is causing it, for the time being she is stable and the fitting has stopped"

His eyes moving around before coming back to the doctor "can I see her" seeing the doctor nod as he continues more to himself "she is going to be ok"

"we're doing all we can for her" watching as the doctor walks off, hearing Fins'voice "Doctors are like police they don't like to make promises, give Liv our love"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo

Opening the door of her room tentatively he didn't know what he would see the relief that she was stable for now. Walking inside the room seeing her body lying against the white sheets she looked so fragile not the Olivia he was used to her breathing steady as the monitor surrounding her bed. Walking slowly over to the bed pulling up a chair sitting next to her, reaching out for her hand, stroking her head he loved this woman so much for the first time he was really in love.

The memories of the last time she was in the hospital her body battered and bruised, he had to wait outside whilst the doctors and nurses patched her up, took the rape kit in a way he didn't want to be in the room, he knew all he could do was imagine what that monster did to her, what he put her through, as soon as she walked out the door he was there for her, taking her back to the station, they wanted to keep her in overnight to monitor her concussion she didn't.

His hands moving through her hair she looked so beautiful and perfect, the past few weeks made him realize how much in love with her he was, what started out as something casual had developed into something more his voice soft barely a whisper "you need to pull through this Liv, I love you and can't imagine you not in my life"

Looking up as a nurse walks in "they've given her a sedative it should wear off in a couple of hours, and we will see how she is then" moving his eyes back to his girlfriend "she is going to be ok then, do you know what has caused this?"

Fiddling with the drip "the doctor will be in and talk to you both, they are waiting for the results of the tests taken, she is in the best care sir"

Not looking at the nurse "so she will pull through" seeing the nurse look at him pausing at the door "her vital signs are stable now, and her blood pressure is not as high, it is promising" before walking out

His eyes turning back to Olivia as he strokes her forehead a smile on his face as her eyes start to open slowly.

Opening her eyes trying to focus where was she her eyes moving around the room coming to rest on Brian "where am I"

Relief in his eyes "you were taken to hospital Liv, you collapsed at work" seeing the confusion in her eyes "why, what happened"

Holding her hand in his "You don't remember?" seeing her shake her head as he continues "they are running tests to find out what caused it, but you had really high blood pressure, the doctor will be back soon, just rest babe, Amaro, Fin and Rollins are outside"

Her eyes fixed on Brian "I don't want them to see my like this"

nodding at Olivia "its ok, I will let them know you're ok, they don't have to come in"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo

Lying in the hospital bed the tubes and machines surrounding her the doctors words echoing in her mind, did she hear him right she asked him to repeat it a few times those three words she had longed to hear for so long "Congratulations you're pregnant" she couldn't take it all in, how , why, how far along, no you're wrong. Her eyes looking up at the ceiling and around the room "we'll come back soon with an ultrasound machine which will tell us how far along you are" nodding she had given up hope, how was she going to tell Brian, he was relieved did he want to have kids it was something she had wanted for so long.

She had sent Brian home to get a few things for her, she didn't want him there when the doctor told her what caused it he wanted to stay but she just needed to hear this on her own, she didn't want him to stick by her because he had to or felt obligated.

Staring up at the roof waiting for the ultrasound how was she to tell Brian that she was pregnant she didn't even know what his reaction would be, he was relieved previously would this be the thing to push them apart he knew she wanted a family

With the good news came the reason why she had a high blood pressure and she was close to getting preeclampsia the thought that after all this time when she finally is going to be a mother that she might lose the baby that she never knew she was carrying.

Putting her hand on her stomach this was her baby the baby she had longed for so long, it felt so unreal she didn't want to believe it, for the time being she couldn't believe until she saw it on the screen, there was uncertainty her whole life was changing, feeling tears forming in her eyes she should be happy isn't it what she wanted, the thought she could lose it and Brians reaction was becoming too much.

Pacing outside her door, he had raced home, he wanted to be in there whilst the doctor was examining her, but Olivia being Liv didn't want him there, he wanted to be there in case it was bad news, to know what was wrong with her, in part he understood her reasoning but it still didn't make it any easier.

Looking up at the door seeing Brian standing there the worry in his eyes she knew he wanted to be in there with her whilst the doctor told her and examined her but she just couldn't, she had hoped the doctor would of come whilst she sent him back to the apartment, she could tell how much this was affecting him.

Walking over to the bed reaching for her hand "Liv" feeling his hand on her forehead stroking it "I'm ok Bri" the worry in his eyes still there "I was so worried Liv, do they know what caused it?"

Her eyes moving away from Brian's slightly she knew she should tell him but she wanted to be sure first, to have the ultrasound, part of her knows that he should be there for it but this was her body what if there was something wrong with the baby would he want it, looking up at him "they are still doing tests, we should get the results later today"

Feeling his lips on her forehead biting her lips she hated lying to him but she just couldn't tell him the truth not yet, she needed to get her head around it before dealing with him, smiling up at him "as soon as I know I will let you know"

nodding at her his eyes not moving away the worry still there "why is it taking so long, I'll go and get the doctors to hurry up"

Reaching out to grab his hand "leave it Brian, they will let us know" stroking her hand taking a deep breath "Ok"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo

Looking at the screen as they move around her stomach hearing a noise as the doctor said "that's the heart beat, it is strong and healthy"

Looking at the screen in amazement she never thought this day would come she had wanted a baby for so long but had nearly given up "how far along?"

Looking at the screen and back at Olivia "I'd say about 22 weeks" her eyes wide in surprise "I took a pregnancy test and it was negative"

Seeing the nurse facing her as the nurse speaks 'that can happen if you take it too early, a blood test is usually the best to detect a pregnancy" nodding it all made sense now as the nurse continues "have you had your periods"

shaking her head "no, but after the negative test I put it down to stress and the job" her voice soft "then menopause I thought maybe it was starting and my chance of having kids was over"

Her eyes looking down at her stomach trying to take it all in "I was on the pill, how did I become pregnant?"

Seeing the nurse looking at her a smile on her face reassuring "stress, antibiotics, the pill isn't 100% safe, did you miss any days. There are a few ways even on the pill that you can still become pregnant"

Packing up the ultrasound "you'll be kept in for a couple of days just to be on the safe side but you need to have an ultrasound every 3 weeks, the older you are the more at risk you are, at the moment you have nothing to worry about with the baby but your health they will need to discuss with you"

Handing Olivia a piece of paper "the first photo of you baby, congratulations, if you have any questions let us know, we will do another ultrasound before you go home just to be sure"

Nodding looking at the piece of paper she was going to become a mum, but what type of mother if she didn't even realize she was having a baby looking down at her exposed stomach she could see the bulge there, her clothes were becoming tighter her hand moving to her stomach before closing her eyes rubbing her hand over her face.

What was she going to tell Brian she knew at 22 weeks she wouldn't be able to keep it from him or anyone for much longer the bump already showing, she had given up hope after the false pregnancy test never thinking of taking another one yet here she was now going to become what she had wanted for so long a mother.

Her mind going back to the phone call telling him quickly that she wasn't pregnant was he actually relieved or saying it for her benefit she wasn't so sure now, when she first told him she thought she could be pregnant he didn't say much then it was a surprise neither of them expected, their sex life had gone slightly with the pressure of work, yet they had a few nights of passion, she was on the pill.

Looking up seeing Brian walk in a small smile on her face trying to sit up on the bed seeing him hurry over "Liv, whats happening, do the doctors know what caused it yet, have you got the results back?" watching as he walked over to the bed sitting down on the side his fingers running through her hair turning her eyes slightly away from him before looking at him a small nod her tongue moving over her lips before looking up at him.

Looking at his girlfriend lying in the beds with monitors around her, he had been so worried about her seeing her body against the white sheets, her brown eyes looking up at him "whatever it is Liv, I'm here for you we'll get through it together"

Looking up at him she wanted to believe that, it was a shock for her she never thought she'd be able to have kids her eyes moving away from him for a brief moment before back at him her hand moving up her shirt slightly before reaching for his and moving it to her stomach "I'm pregnant Brian"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo

_**Stay tuned there are a couple more chapters, Brian's reaction is coming up and what the future holds for each of them and them as a couple. **_

_**Please review if you have enjoyed it. I have really enjoyed writing about Bensidy**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Thank you for the reviews, keep on reviewing and reading. **_

_**Notes: I am from Australia and yes fitting is a seizure but we call it fitting over here, also there are other words like bus I might use ambulance as that is what it is called but hope I keep changing it to bus. **_

_**I have only started watching the show but I believe from what I have read that Olivia is meant to be mid to late 40's but could be wrong, and I have read menopause can start in the early 40's sometimes earlier and it was my reasoning for her to think why she hadn't had her period for months that and stress. **_

_**Yep 22 weeks, I was trying to figure out from Wednesday child to about Post Mortem Blue episode how many weeks that could be and came up with about 20 or so. **_

_**There is no Beast Obsession in It, as my belief is that if Brian and her hadn't split up I don't think she might of made as rash a judgement in what she did, she probably wanted to save Amelia but she had someone still loving her and with her to think about. As it was I think she was hurting and really didn't care what happened to hear she would save Amelia and Lewis knew how to get to her.**_

_**Lastly to the review Guest I was not even going to bother to reply but it needs to be said I will not stop writing, and seriously why bother reading it if it annoyed you so much. How gutless are you, you cannot even leave a name either hiding behind no name. If you think you are so great at English then write your own fanfic to let others judge you, this is not a competition but fun. Unfortunately having access to the internet is so easy now in bullying others which is quite sad as most wouldn't do it to people's faces but hide behind a computer. Lastly well guess what I am still going to write if you don't like it the answer is very simple even to you, DON'T READ OUT no one is forcing you to. **_

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo

Did he hear her right did she say she was pregnant looking down at her it was true the shock evident in his eyes words failed him he couldn't speak out of everything he was expecting this definitely wasn't it.

For what seemed like eternity neither of them speaking, Olivia biting her lips she had hoped for something anything when she told him the news the silence was worse than him saying anything something he finally broke it "what, how"

Rolling her eyes it was something "how do you think Brian" her words sharp trying to control her anger "even you can guess that one" it was that one word that she could feel the tears start to form he wasn't happy about it

The words going around in his head Olivia was pregnant he never guessed that even when the doctor asked him it didn't cross his mind or he didn't want it to "I thought you were on the pill"

It was becoming obvious that he didn't share her desire for kids or even want this one she didn't want him to see her cry she was on the point close to breaking. It was becoming too much her voice loud nearly screaming "get out, get out of here now"

Walking slowly to the door turning to face Olivia seeing her head turned away from him, the shock still there, he knew he didn't handle it well but he had no idea what to think "I'll come back later"

Hearing her voice the anger still in there "don't bother" before facing him "I'm keeping this child with or without you, if it is without you don't bother coming back here or seeing me ever again"

Pausing at the door his voice low "I'm sorry Liv" he truly was he should of handled it better it was all a shock to him, walking away he needed time to process it all, and she needed time

Watching him walk out the door the tears forming in her eyes turning onto her side the tears falling freely she had wanted a child so much and wanted it with Brian to grow old with him, part of her knew that it might not happen and that he would be happy but she had hoped he would be happy at least partly. Trying to control her crying for the sake of the baby wiping her eyes she meant what she said she would do this with or without him she only hoped it was with him

Standing outside the door he had to walk out, get out of there his mind was swirling around he couldn't think straight, he couldn't think at all turning to look back at the room, he wanted to go and comfort her but he couldn't he needed to decide what he wanted and getting her stressed was the last thing either of them needed or wanted.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sitting at the bar his mind going back to the hospital, he was going to become a father he never thought or dreamed this would happen, he was relieved when Olivia told him months ago that she wasn't pregnant they weren't trying he thought she was on the pill their sex life was not exactly wild and passionate the past few months it was more non-existent they had a few nights of intimacy. Ever since she was made Sergeant and put in charge she was stressed and him being a detective in IA didn't help they couldn't exactly discuss there day, they were both home late, they were only the past couple of weeks sorting things out and putting the effort in.

Looking down at the beer was he actually father material, was he able to love a child a child that was his, not theirs he just never had this mapped out in his life. Could he take something away from her, her dream something he knew she had wanted for such a long time. He could see the hurt in her eyes he knew it was something she had wanted even though they hadn't discussed it much it was what she wanted when he first met her 15 years ago.

He was trying to get his head around the fact that she was pregnant how long had she known, how far along was she, he knew the only way he was going to get answers or anything was to go and talk to her, was he ready to face her again, was she ready to see him, all he knew the longer he left it the harder and worse it would be.

Her words echoing in his head she was choosing this baby over him, he knew she would keep it but would she actually shut him out of her life, that thought he didn't even want to go there, he had nearly lost her twice once to Lewis and them drifting apart could he imagine her not in his life.

Finishing the beer no he had to go back to the hospital he couldn't leave it like this, he promised her he would be there for her no matter what, the one thing remained that he loved her and couldn't imagine her not in his life.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Opening the door tentatively not sure what reception he would receive his feet unable to move from the door his eyes upon her face, he could tell she had been crying, he hated seeing her so upset knowing he was the cause of it again.

Watching Brian standing at the door his eyes upon her as he slowly makes his way towards the bed "I'm so sorry Liv, I really am" walking over to her kissing the top of her head "I promised I'd be here no matter what, it was such a shock to hear those words my head was spinning"

Looking up at him seeing the sorry look on his face "how did you think I felt Brian, finding out I was pregnant, knowing last time I told you, you were relieved, then you walked out of the room. You think this is easy for me too, did you even want to know why I collapsed or anything. I meant what I said I'm having this baby with or without you and if you don't want it, then we're over"

Sitting next to the bed reaching for her hand "I'm going to be here for you Liv, we're in this together" putting his hand on her stomach "this baby is part of me too but hopefully it will be more like you"

Stroking the top of her head he had so many questions though he needed answers too "when did you find out?, that is the reason you collapsed then how"

Looking into his caring eyes how was she to tell him she found out a while ago "I found out this morning but they weren't sure until later on" biting her lips before continuing "they did an ultrasound to see if I was pregnant and if everything is ok"

His eyes open widely raising them, did he hear her correctly "they did what? you've already had an ultrasound"

Reaching out for his hand she couldn't tell him the truth "I'm sorry Brian, they came in you had stormed off, they wanted to be sure that the baby wasn't in distress, had a heartbeat they wanted to be sure it was ok"

Looking at Olivia lying there he had missed out on the first milestone his head spinning trying to take everything in "why did you collapse Liv?"

Tilting her head to the side on the pillow "High blood pressure, it's nothing to worry about Bri, we both are going to be fine" her eyes moving straight ahead she didn't want him to worry just yet.

His hand on her belly rubbing it "so the baby is ok, do they know how far along you are?"

Her hand on his "they think about 22 weeks or so"

Seeing the surprise in his eyes "22 weeks, I thought the test was negative you took"

Pushing herself up on the bed turning to face him "I thought it was too Brian but it wasn't, the doctor said there were many reasons for that one of which I wasn't as far along as I thought, if I saw a doctor then and had a blood test which I didn't it would of showed up as it is I'm not going to be able to hide the fact that I am pregnant for much longer" looking down at her stomach "I'm already showing and didn't even realize it" looking down how could she not realize, did she really believe that she had gained weight and not looked after herself or was she in denial for all this time

One hand on her belly the other moving around her stomach "you're still gorgeous and beautiful to me Liv and look great, you always will" his lips finding hers.

Her hand moving up to his chin, her fingers moving around his lips, his mouth kissing them a smile on her face she was nervous "I have another ultrasound before I go home, you want to be there for that"

His mouth leaning down to her stopping inches away "try to stop me" before his mouth finds hers kissing her gently. Looking at her slightly swollen belly he was going to be a father and that thought actually excited him, if it was with anyone he couldn't ask for a better mother/partner than Olivia "I love you Liv, always will"

Her eyes looking up at him "I, We love you too Brian, always will"

OOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo

_**A/N The next chapter is practically written just deciding whether to go ahead with it, it is very much MA++ rated it could be up soon or much later depending upon which way I go.**_

_**I have yet to watch Downloaded child trying to bring myself to watch it but knowing that it is the last of Bensidy I can not bring myself to do it, trying just to watch some Bensidy scenes. Not a good idea to watch the final scene at work **_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thank you for the reviews. **_

_**A/N Was debating whether to publish this chapter it is MA++++ rated been reading too many higher rated fanfics of Bensidy **_

_**I love Bensidy and there were not really any great scenes except Internal Affairs which showed much affection and the beginning of Wonderland and the dinner party which had some awesome Bensidy. **_

_**We saw more of Rollins and Nate in bed than we did of Bensidy the only one in season 1, nothing else. **_

_**I have no idea if this is true to Benson's character because of this but it was fun writing it anyway and I will blame the pregnancy hormones that she has for her being out of character but from some of it when she really liked it like Haden we did see them in bed **_

_**Hope you enjoy it as I did enjoy writing this as it was different.**_

OOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo

She was over being poked and prodded by doctors and nurses, things being stuck in her arm "just let me out of here, I feel fine now" each one of them saying the same thing "you still need rest we will see tomorrow"

Hearing a knock on the door, it opening tentatively seeing Nick Amaro there "Can I come in Liv"

Nodding her head she hadn't wanted them to see her in a vulnerable position again not after Lewis when Nick and Fin where there when she came out of the beach house "how's things going at SVU"

Laughing at her "do you ever Not think of work Liv"

Shaking her head "I have nothing else to think about Nick" her eyes moving down to her stomach, she didn't want to admit it but she knew that she would have to give it over to someone else "have they sent anyone over?"

Walking closer to Olivia "you won't guess who though …. Munch, just until you are back there"

Her eyes open in surprise "Munch, but …..  
A smile on Nick's face "it was either him or a captain to take over permanently" his eyes looking around "where's Cassidy"

Pushing herself up on the bed the sheets hiding her stomach "he's gone, I sent him back to work today, there is nothing he can do here, If I have to be here much longer"

Interrupting her "the doctors know best Liv, you need to take it easy, you ok now though?"

Nodding at Nick, she would love to tell him, he is her partner but until she was sure nothing was going to hurt this baby especially her health she didn't want anyone to know "Yeah I'm fine, if only they would realize that and send me bloody home, I'm over this Nick, the food is terrible" flicking the television stations "nothing on TV, its driving me crazy"

Getting up off the chair "I'll see you soon Liv, I'm off to see Cynthia"

Her eyes on Nick " things going well between the two of you?"

Nodding his head walking towards the door "Yeah, I'm getting to know both of them, Maria and I are over, if we weren't before this was the final straw for her"

OOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo

Olivia was over after one day of staying in the hospital, she had sent Brian back to work as much as she loved him, he was driving her crazy the start of things to come, making sure she was ok fussing over her, she couldn't take it anymore she was going to snap at him she wasn't an invalid she was bloody pregnant and stuck in bed. The nurses and doctors refusing to let her go home for the time being, she felt fine now, in fact she hadn't felt better.

She wanted to go home to her own bed, to have Brian next to her, she wanted to fuck Brian all night she didn't want to be here.

Seeing the door open Brian walking in with a huge bunch of flowers plus a teddy bear "hi babe" walking over to her kissing her on the lips, her arms wrapping around his neck bringing his lips down hard on hers. She wanted to kiss him, shit she wanted him feeling him pull back slightly seeing his eyes searching hers "sit on the bed"

Sitting on the bed putting the flowers on the bedside table "take it you're feeling ok"

Her hands reaching up to his face cupping each side bringing his lips back down to hers kissing him hard and passionately the kissing intensifying her hand moving through his hair down his back before going under his shirt , undoing his belt her hands moving down his trousers feeling his hand on her other hand.

Feeling Olivia's hands moving down his pants "Liv" feeling her other hand on his lips as her hand moves his cock out of his undies her eyes not moving from his she wanted to watch him with each movement her hand was making she could feel him becoming harder and harder, her mouth moving around her lips as her hand movement increases, shit she wants it in her mouth stopping before he comes "hop on the bed, I want to suck it now"

Seeing the lust in her eyes the urge there he was so close, he was so hard she was stirring up his desire the thrill of it all making it even more exciting and turning him on, standing up as his pants falling down his knees on either side of her shoulder his cock just centimetres from her mouth. Feeling her hands on him before her tongue moves around it as her mouth slowly encases it, her movement slow at first, shit how was he meant to keep quiet, grabbing a cloth nearby stuffing it his mouth. Feeling Olivia's hand reaching for it "I want to hear you come"

His eyes wide open with every movement of her tongue he could feel himself coming "shit Liv" feeling her mouth moving faster and faster unable to keep quiet his eyes looking down at her this was one part of her he never expected to see especially not here.

Moving off the bed trying to regain his composure "I never expected that, that was amazing"

A smile on her face "I aim to please" her eyes looking at him as she moves the sheets down a sultry look on her face "what about me Bri"

Moving over to close the door before hopping back on the bed, pulling up her hospital gown and pulling down her panties, she was already so moist down there spreading her legs open flicking her with his tongue before moving around his hands squeezing her thighs, her legs were so perfect, she was so perfect with each movement his tongue made she was becoming wetter and her body responding, it didn't take long to feel her start to quiver his tongue going faster and faster his hand moving around her thighs feeling her start to release his hand moving up her stomach massaging her breasts, they were already bigger as his tongue starts to slow down his eyes move up to hers, she is starting to glaze over feeling her hands tighten on his shoulder, it isn't long before she climaxes his lips moving up her stomach coming to rest on her lips his hands moving her hair back off her forehead.

Watching as her breathing comes back to normal "shit Liv, I have never seen you so horny before"

Turning to face him "blame it on the hormones pregnancy there is still 18 weeks or so to go, just wait until I get out of here"

A huge smile on his face his hands moving down her cheek "if that was anything to go by I can't wait, bring on every night, I should of gotten you pregnant earlier"

Her hand on his chest "whoa lover boy slow down"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Finally the day she was able to go home hopefully, Brian holding her hand as they wheel in the ultrasound machine, feeling him squeeze her hand tightly he was as nervous or more than she was

Watching as the prod moves over Olivia's stomach he was nervous, startled by the noise hearing the nurse's voice "a nice strong healthy heart beat, do you want to know the sex"

Both of them talking at the same time Brian "yes" Olivia "no"

Turning to face Brian "I want it to be a surprise Bri"

Looking at the screen his eyes on his baby, their baby "if we know the sex, we can do so much before they arrive"

Reaching out touching his face "we're going to discuss this later, there are more ultrasounds to come today we're not going to find out"

Turning to face them both "the baby is doing well you need to come back in 3 weeks for another check up, we need to monitor both you and the baby, the doctor should be in shortly before you are able to go home"

Sitting up on the bed her legs over the side becoming impatient she wanted to get out of here, she wanted to get back to work "what's taking so long, how hard is it to just freakin go home"

A smile on his face he knew how impatient she was "Liv, come on, you're not going back to work today"

Glaring at Brian why did he have to know her so well "I just want to get out of here"

Looking up as the doctor walks in "tell me what to do so I can just get out of here"

Walking over closer to her "your blood pressure has gone down, but as you are aware you were on the verge of preeclampsia, you will need to be careful and keep the stress levels down, do you have a stressful job?"

Nodding slightly not even looking at Brian her face screwed up slightly "you could say that"

His eyes looking at Olivia and back to the doctor, shit why did she hide this from him "she is a Sergeant with NYPD in Special Victims Unit"

Looking at Olivia "Your blood pressure is still slightly high you have already collapsed, we need to monitor you regularly and closely and if at any stage your blood pressure increases again you will need to be hospitalized maybe for the duration of your pregnancy, you need to avoid stressful situations, otherwise you are at risk losing this baby or having this baby come too early"

Looking up at the doctor "you saying I have to give up my job?"

shaking her head slightly "not give up, but you will need to be careful and rest and take it easy"

Looking down at her stomach "easier said than done"

Looking at his girlfriend and back to the doctor "Liv, lives for her work"

Her eyes on the doctor "so that is why I collapsed the high blood pressure"

A small smile on her face "That **and** its your body's way of telling you to take it easy and slow down you need to listen to what your body is saying and take care of yourself.

OOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo

His eyes straight ahead his mouth straight why was it she kept hiding things from him "would you of told me the real reason you collapsed if I wasn't there"

She could feel his eyes upon her in the car, avoiding his gaze she knew he didn't want to have an argument but she also knew she should of told him earlier "I'm sorry Brian, I didn't want you to worry, I thought with a few days rest I would be ok again" it wasn't the exact truth but she hoped it was enough

Pulling over on the side of the road turning to look at her "Liv, when are you going to start being open and honest with me, everything with you, Lewis, now this, I'm the father of this child and your partner I deserve to know the truth, why can't you understand that I love you and worry about you I care for you so much you keep on keeping things from me, not once have you opened up about Lewis, you find out you're pregnant and don't even tell me straight away" seeing her open her mouth "yeah I know I didn't handle it well, but we are in this together from now on Liv, no more secrets, this is our child at risk here and your health you have to stop pushing me away, can't you get that I want to be part of your life"

Her eyes turning to face Brian she wanted to argue with what he said but the truth was he was right "It's just hard having someone else worry about me, I love you Brian you know that, I just didn't want the both of us to worry about something that might not happen"

Facing her still "let me be the judge of that promise me Liv no more keeping things to yourself, you need to be open and honest here this is our child you're not on your own so stop thinking you are"

Turning to look into his hazel eyes full of love and caring for her "I'll try, that's all I can promise"

Kissing the top of her head "what happens if you feel dizzy or collapse it is not only your health now, you have someone else to think about it, I couldn't imagine my life without you in it" moving his hand over to her stomach "both of you in it"

Her hand on his she understood where he was coming from "I promise I will let you know if I'm not feeling well I want this baby so much Brian I'm not going to risk hurting it"

Kissing the top of her head pulling her closer to him "I know Liv, I know"

Lying next to Brian his arm underneath her, her arm around his body, feeling his hand stroking her face looking up at him her lips meeting his. Their kissing getting more passionate and intensifying her hand moving around his body moving further down his body feeling him pull away slightly her face searching his "what's the matter Bri?"

Looking into her eyes he wanted to do this but was scared, scared of hurting her "I don't want to hurt you babe or the baby"

A smile on her face pushing him onto his back "you're not hurting me Bri, I have needs, you have needs" her hand moving down to his cock "you're as hard as, we both want this, I'll let you know if it hurts, just enjoy it" bringing her legs to either side of him, her lips moving down to find his as she lowers herself onto him feeling him harden even more as she feels his cock slowly entering her body her movements slow enjoying the feel of him inside of her, the need to feel him deeper into her her movements become faster and faster shit feeling both of them start to come slowing down her body not ready to give in yet her breathing rapid her eyes open looking down at him, she was so in love with him his hands on her waist his voice soft barely above a whisper "shit Liv what are you doing to me" her movements increasing with each thrust both of them nearly there the movements now fast as they both come letting out her breath leaning down to kiss him, he still inside of her .

Rolling onto her back her arms around his waist her legs curling around his body stroking his face he was just gorgeous and he was hers, moving her hands up to his head pulling it down to her lips, their kissing gentle at first before intensifying

Moving his face slightly away from hers this was a part of Olivia he hadn't seen much of before, when they first started seeing each other they had nights of not much sleep but this was something different still "you sure you want more Liv"

His answer was a kiss before she pulls away slightly "Bri, I want more and more of you, want you inside of me, I hope you don't plan of sleeping much tonight"

Finding her lips "Sleep is over rated anyway" as his lips move down her body, moving all over it, his hands moving to her thigh she was so moist and wet down there his tongue moving around whilst his hands move up to her breasts the breasts that seem to get larger every week. Lowering himself gently onto her as he gently enters her both of their eyes open feeling her hand on his bum as she pushes him further inside of her.

Rolling onto her back later on her breathing coming under control "that was amazing"

Seeing Brian move resting on his elbow "shit Liv that was incredible you are hornier than you were at the hospital I could fuck you all night"

Smiling up at Brian "That's what I want, the night is only beginning" as her lips move around his body making their way slowly down to his cock.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo

_**The next chapter will be more back on track again, **_

_**How is Olivia dealing with the pregnancy and will she tell her colleagues and her superior. **_

_**What causes her to start to worry about the pregnancy and her unborn child. **_

_**A/N My season 14 Bensidy I haven't stopped that trying to figure out the way I want the next chapter to finish not sure will publish it soon. **_

_**I haven't seen Downloaded child as of yet so we still have Bensidy on screen but it makes it hard viewing as there isn't much of a mention of Brian at all this week is Criminal Stories then next week Downloaded Child will have to have a box of tissues on handy a block of chocolate and a bottle of midori to get me through it all **_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Ended up having to break this chapter into 2 parts as it ended up much longer than I thought. **_

_**Hope you all enjoy it **_

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The smell of something cooking coming through to the bedroom walking out to the counter "mmm something smells good"

Plating up the bacon and eggs "take a seat Liv"

Taking a mouthful of the eggs "I'm going to be late, can't believe I slept in you should of woken me earlier"

His eyes on Olivia "you looked so peaceful and you need the rest Liv, so you're late you're still the boss"

Stuffing the bacon into her mouth "I know, but its my first day back"

Pouring the coffee for her "you only had a week off work, its not like the 2 months last time, I'm sure they can wait another 15 minutes, just take a seat and eat the breakfast, there is 2 of you now you can't just skip breakfast"

Rolling her eyes at him trying to stop the exasperation "Brian, I am pregnant not helpless and I am only 22 weeks"

Walking into the kitchen pulling him towards her "I love you Brian, and appreciate the breakfast but please I don't want to be treated differently, I will take it easy but I need to go back to work, if I don't have work I'll go crazy"

Kissing the top of her head "I just want to make sure you're ok Liv" watching as she walks over to pick up her bag "I know how much you have wanted a baby for so long, I don't want to see you over doing it"

Walking back to the bench damn she was hungry shoveling the eggs into her mouth "mm these are delicious Bri" picking up the bacon and gulping the coffee "see you tonight"

Walking out of the kitchen "are you going to disclose your pregnancy"

Turning to face him shrugging "they don't need to know yet" moving over to him giving him a hug and a quick kiss

Watching as she walks out "how long do you think before they will guess Liv"

Watching her as she heads out turning to face him "let me guess"

Shaking his head as the door closes behind her, damn her he knew she would leave it as long as possible as she doesn't want someone else coming in and taking over her command.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo

Walking into SVU it seemed like weeks she had been away not just the 7 days she knew Brian was right she did need to disclose that she was pregnant but as soon as she did she was sure they would send someone else in, she wasn't sure she was ready for that or even for desk duty how long would she be able to go out on the job, she knew the rules that at a set stage she would be desk bound she didn't want to lose this baby either.

How long would it be before they would ask questions her jacket helping hide the slight bulge there seeing Nick, and Fin already there "welcome back partner" a smile on her face this is where she needs to be

Walking into the office a smile on her face like last time a small bunch of flowers there walking to the door "thanks guys but you didn't need to"

Hearing Nick's voice "we know Liv, but we wanted too"

OOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo

Her feet up on the lounge watching TV the phone to her ear "I'm ok Brian, I'll just get takeaway and leave some for you" changing the channels on the TV "I was thinking, we should throw another party" rolling her eyes "you love parties, you 'll love this one, we can announce the pregnancy, yeah I'll see you when you get home"

Lying on the lounge enjoying the time to herself she loved Brian and the past week he had been so caring but she was also feeling smothered he went him back to work after a day of her coming home, his days off they went for walks in the park along the river she needed to get out.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo

She hadn't had to see Dr Lindstrom for a while she was getting through William Lewis and the sessions were less frequent seeing him look at her "How are you doing Olivia, you haven't been here for a while"

Fiddling with her hands "I've been going well, being in charge is demanding but I'm enjoying it"

Looking at Olivia "what's on your mind Olivia?"

Leaning back in the chair "I found out about over a week ago maybe 10 days that I was pregnant the test I thought was negative seems it wasn't, I am 23 ½ weeks pregnant"

"how does that make you feel"

Leaning forward on the chair "happy, scared excited what if I have harmed this baby I had been drinking a lot recently not just the odd glass bottles of wine, what if I have done something to harm this baby. What if Brian doesn't really want it, changes his mind he was relieved in the first place when we thought I wasn't pregnant what if it drives us apart. I have PTSD and getting over that will I be able to look after this baby, give it what it needs what if I can't"

"Olivia not with the what if or I can't, what about the positives isn't this what you have wanted"

Nodding at him "for a long time I just kind of gave up hoping it would happen. Brian and I were having problems"

"you think he is staying with you because you're pregnant"

Shaking her head "no we sorted things out and I love him now more than ever, he is being so sweet and kind it was a shock to both of us at first he didn't deal with it well at first and I told him that I was having it with or without him.

"how do **you** feel about being pregnant Olivia"

Her eyes on him "its what I have wanted for years" fiddling with her fingers "I ended up in hospital I collapsed had high blood pressure, I have to tell work but I know when I do that I will lose the command and if they summon my medical record from the hospital I will be put on light duties if that. I'm not ready to give up my job, yeah I know I will have to and but I am not ready just yet or to tell anyone. What if something happens, what if I have harmed the baby with all the drinking I was doing""

"has anything suggested that so far?"

Shaking her head "the two ultrasounds it seems perfect what if it isn't, how can they tell … it could develop complications, have fetal alcohol syndrome, what if Brian blames me if there is something wrong, he tried to get me to stop drinking, he was working late hours" shaking her head "I'm over the first 3 months I've stopped now but it could be too late"

"You need to be positive Olivia instead of dwelling on the bad things, you are on the road to recovery don't let this set you back, you have something you have dreamed off for such a long time you and Brian will get through it"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo

Walking into the gynecologist office she knew she should of told Brian, but she needed to do this by herself her own peace of mind. Brian wanted to come to every appointment as much as she loved his support it was something she needed to do

Biting her lips she needed to know "I need to know if this baby will have fetal alcohol syndrome, can you tell now is there any test you can do? I was drinking heavily up to about a month ago I didn't even know I was pregnant"

"how many glasses a day were you having Olivia"

Looking at the doctor "sometimes a bottle or more, at first it was only a glass or two after work, then ….. it developed into more" putting her head down the shame how must of Brian felt looking back up "there were times I had passed out, my boyfriend would find me, I didn't think I had a problem, I haven't had one drink since I found out"

Her eyes looking at Olivia she felt sympathy for her "we can't test for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome during the pregnancy but we can monitor the growth of the baby and yourself. Until the baby is born we cannot know for sure if he/she is affected"

Her eyes looking at the doctor "what damage have I done to my baby?"

Seeing the tears nearly forming in her eyes "Olivia you might not have done anything to your baby"

Nodding at the doctor she needs to know "what if it does have it what…. What signs… what"

Looking at Olivia wanting to reassure her not wanting to alarm her more "do you really want to know the signs that we look for none of this could happen, you have stopped drinking as soon as you found out, it will all depend how much you drank during the first trimester of your pregnancy"

Her face staring blankly ahead she didn't want to know but she needed to "I want to know, it was a glass or two at first then the past 1 ½ to 2 months maybe it was more"

Looking up at Olivia "none of this might happen Olivia and this is the worst case, some cases signs maybe be mild other more severe, you have stopped drinking , they may have trouble sleeping and sucking problems as a baby, as they develop or even as a baby have hearing or vision problems, poor coordination and fine motor skills, sensitivity to light touch, sound, as they grow we can monitor them more they can have difficulty at school, poor memory, Olivia do not worry, the stress can harm you both, the ultrasound can pick up some problems, but any brain damage cannot be picked up until after the baby is born, If you had the odd glass of wine in the first trimester you should have nothing to worry about"

Walking out of the appointment despite what the doctor said she was worried she had no idea how many glasses or bottles she had drunk over the past few months even stopping now had she harmed this baby. Blinking back the tears that were forming could she ever forgive herself or would Brian if she had.


	8. Chapter 8

Walking into the apartment, seeing Brian in the kitchen watching as he walks over to her wrapping his arms around her feeling his lips on the top of her head, her arms not letting go of him.

Tilting her head up to him seeing her eyes brimming with tears "what's the matter Liv, is it the baby"

Seeing her shake her head not talking he was starting to get worried putting his arm around her waist guiding her to the lounge pulling her towards him "talk to me here Liv"

Blinking back the tears looking up at Brian "I've been drinking all this time what if I harmed the baby"

Stroking her arm he had forgotten about that seeing her so upset "we can't think like that"

Her head buried against his chest "what if I've harmed the baby Brian, I drank so much until I found out I was pregnant, the baby could have brain damage, my age alone is a health risk the preeclampsia and now this"

Wiping the tears gently away from her eyes he hated the fact that she was blaming herself "Liv, we will get through it if that happens, baby please don't get so upset, I'm not going anywhere we're in this together and deal with it all together, what does the doctor say, we will go tomorrow"

Her head against his chest "I went today Bri" feeling him stiffen slightly, her head looking up into his eyes "I'm sorry Brian but I needed to know if they could test, I didn't want to worry you I couldn't get it out of my mind, I had to do this"

Pulling her closer to him his hand running down her arm "Liv it will be ok, you can't worry about what might be, this is what you have wanted for so long, enjoy this pregnancy and we will deal with this if and when we have to"

Lifting her face up to his moving her lips up to his "what did I do to get so lucky with you" her arms wrapping around his neck their kissing intensifying getting more feverent with each kiss.

Feeling her hands move down to his jeans undoing the zipper her voice soft "make love to me Brian now"

His hands moving around her undoing her zipper "you sure about this Liv, I'm not going to hurt you"

Shaking her head rolling her eyes "If I thought you would hurt me I wouldn't be doing this, we can still have sex Brian, being pregnant doesn't stop that. You're not going to hurt me or the baby you can go as fast or slow as you want but I want you inside of me"

Feeling him on top of her she was lucky she had him her eyes opening what if she had done something.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo

A few days later walking into the bedroom hearing Olivia's voice the frustration in it looking around the bed and room her clothes everywhere her standing there with her undies and bra on "what's the matter Liv"

Tossing another shirt on the bed "nothing will fit, all the shirts are too small" pulling another on her head trying to do the buttons up "half way down then nothing" turning towards the mirror the fact not hiding "in 2 days my stomach has grown the baby bulge more evident, I can't even go to work" her voice rising she didn't want this not yet "I have nothing to wear the pants will hardly do up what am I meant to wear trackie pants"

Trying not to smile at her she was she had always wanted to be pregnant but she couldn't seem to accept things "why don't you go shopping, we can go together I don't have to be in at work until later on, let Nick know you will be late"

Tossing something else on the bed the frustration in her voice "doesn't look like I have any other choice" turning to the mirror she didn't want to admit it that her clothes wouldn't fit that she now needed maternity clothes as exciting as it was that she was pregnant there were parts she just wasn't ready for looking up at Brian a small smile on her face "you don't have to come Brian, I'm sure you have better ways than to spend your morning off"

Walking over to her wrapping her in a hug kissing the top of her head "what better way than seeing you half naked all the time trying on clothes"

A small laugh escaping "your hopeless Bri but seriously you don't need to do this"

Smiling at her "I know but I want to, I know I really want to be here for you Liv in every part of it, I don't want you to feel like you're doing this alone"

Moving over to him pulling him towards her "I'm not" kissing him on the lips "I love you Brian Cassidy"

Walking back to the apartment holding Olivia's hand "you do know what this means Liv"

Nodding she knew she just didn't want to admit that people would find out and she would have to disclose it to her boss "I'm just not ready to yet Bri"

Pulling her towards him kissing the top of her head "I know babe, but it is better they find out from you than someone else or they guess it, you can't really keep it hidden now, unless you plan on wearing the bulky jackets everywhere you go including inside SVU or hide and not see anyone for the next 4 ½ months"

Looking up into his caring hazel eyes "do you have to be right, I'm just not ready to lose command of SVU"

His arm around her shoulder as they keep on walking "it mightn't come to that Liv, you are doing a great job, maybe they will take that into consideration" stopping turning to face her " is it such a bad idea if they have someone else come in, the stress isn't good for either of you" before continuing to walk

Her eyes ahead as they walk did he actually believe that any more than she did "I know I need to tell the team too, I know I can't keep hiding it, it would help if I wasn't showing so much we are only getting used to the fact ourselves. I can keep on doing it for the time being I just don't want anyone coming in and taking over"

Arriving back at the apartment "I'll tell them at the beginning of next week"

Seeing him raise his eyes at her "Liv its only Monday today, you can't wait another week, look how much you're showing after the weekend"

Her eyes glaring on Brian "it's had its growth spurt for the week then"

Rolling his eyes at her watching as she gets dressed "you cannot keep it hidden Liv, I love your baby bump and you, you look even more gorgeous but you are now showing and it is obvious you are pregnant, please think about what you are doing I know it is a lot for you and you don't want to give up being commanding officer but your health is more important and the baby and I thought you would want people to know that you are pregnant, you know they will all be happy for you"

Buttoning up her new shirt turning to face the mirror she couldn't deny it any longer she was 25 weeks and well and truly showing "Give me today Brian, I will go and see them on Wednesday"

Walking over pulling her towards him finding her lips the kiss gentle his hand moving down to her stomach "I'm not trying to pressure you Liv I just know how much SVU means to you and having this baby"

Looking up at him touching his cheek "I know it is just hard"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo

Walking inside the apartment "sorry I'm late Bri, something smells good"

Looking up from the stove "how did it go today babe"

Putting her bag down on the counter sitting on the stool "just as I thought, I should off told them sooner type thing and as of next week we will have a new commander in SVU" her eyes upon Brian slight anger in her voice "how could we have told them sooner when we only found out recently ourselves I was trying to come to terms with it all before telling them"

Turning around to face her "you knew that was going to happen though"

Nodding "yeah but I didn't think so soon, I'm still capable of being in charge of SVU, I'm not an invalid, suppose I should be lucky as they put it that they will still let me out on the road, assholes, seriously I've been doing this job for 15 years, and they treat me like I have no idea what I am doing and that I'm pregnant"

A smile on his face whilst stirring the dinner he didn't want to point out the obvious fact to her, he knew she wouldn't take it well walking over opposite her leaning over the bench kissing the top of her head "do they know who is being put in command"

Moving away from the bench "they didn't tell me, probably some dumb ass who has no idea what Special Victims is about" looking up at Brian "you still free Saturday night?"

Nodding at Olivia "yeah, whose coming?"

A smile on her face as she walks into the kitchen "no one at the moment, I still have to ask Amaro, Amanda and Fin Melinda, anyone you want to invite what about Munch?"

Putting his hand on her stomach "you think they will be surprised"

Putting her arm around him shaking his head "probably not, they have been giving me weird looks all week, I think they are wondering when I am going to say anything"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo

Looking around the apartment seeing the few close friends there looking up as Brian hits his glass seeing all eyes upon him, his arm around her "umm" looking at Olivia next to him "Thanks everyone for coming at such short notice" his hand running up and down her arm "Liv and I have an announcement to make" seeing all eyes upon him expectantly "some of you probably have guessed but Liv and I are going to be parents, Liv is pregnant"

Lifting their glass up high to make the toast letting out the breath she was holding in taking off the jacket that she was hiding her baby bump

Her eyes looking out over at her friends this is it, she had finally told them watching as Nick walks up to her putting his arms around her "Congratulations wondered when you were going to tell us" walking up to Cassidy shaking his hand.

Taking a deep breath it was slightly easier than she thought as Fin walks up to them both "Congratulations Liv, couldn't be happier for you both thought you'd been having too much take out"

Seeing Melinda nearby "when are you due Liv?"

Trying to keep the smile on her face she was happy it was out but scared "I'm 25 weeks now" seeing the surprise on all their faces "we only found out about 3 weeks ago, when I collapsed that was the reason, I didn't want to tell anyone until both of us had come to terms with it all"

Hearing Rollins voice "are you still the commanding officer"

Feeling Brian's hand running up and down her arm the comfort of him being next to her turning her face to look at him "that is the other thing I was going to tell you, as of Monday or sometime next week probably we will be getting a new commanding officer"

Seeing Nick and Fin's eyes upon her as Nick speaks "they won't let you stay on for the time being"

Shaking her head "No, I tried but they are bringing someone else in" feeling Brian's hand move down to her waist

Seeing Fin looking at her "do you know who it is"

Shaking her head "no they wouldn't tell me, I will find out when they come, unless they tell me beforehand but I doubt 1PP will"

Hearing Amanda's voice with accusation in it "how long have you known all of this, you wouldn't of have just found out yesterday?"

Biting her lip her eyes glancing at Brian "I went to 1PP on Wednesday to disclose my pregnancy they told me then but it wasn't for sure of the dates"

Amanda's voice with a hint of anger "what and you are only telling us know"

Looking at Olivia and back at Amanda "hang on lay off Liv Amanda, this isn't her fault here, it is up to her when and if to tell you this is more than just getting someone new in charge this is her life and not just her now" his voice full of meaning and protective of his girlfriend "get off her case she told you now so leave it at that"

Her eyes turning to her boyfriend shaking her head slightly she didn't want a fight with her "it's going to happen guys, if I find out when and who I will let you know" turning to face them " there's heaps of food and drink so eat and drink up"

Looking around the apartment as they voices become one and the questions still come firing at them all the hard part now over looking up at Brian smiling leaning against his shoulder


	9. Chapter 9

_**Thanks for the reviews sorry it has taken a while to update was writing another one and trying to work on this chapter, have the ending figured out of the whole story figured out just the in between still working on**_

_**After watching Downloaded child finally being aired here I need a Bensidy fix **_

_**Hope you enjoy it **_

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo

The weekend over it had been lazy not doing much both of them not even called in walking in the park and around or just relaxing in the apartment watching DVD's. Lying on the couch with his hand on her stomach, trying to forget what was going to happen at work she was losing command of SVU she didn't want just anyone to come in she wanted to keep it.

Looking up at Brian his hand stroking her arm her head against his chest as her arm leans against his chest "I've got another appointment this week, Wednesday evening, you able to come?"

Looking down at her kissing the top of her head "try to keep me away sure you don't want to find out what sex it is?"

Seeing the hopeful look in his eyes, stroking his face "not just yet, I want it to be a surprise, I get that you want to prepare and everything but boy or girl it doesn't make that much difference, when it is older we will need to get a bigger apartment, we can still buy the basic stuff cot, change table and all of that, I just want it to be a surprise still Bri"

His hand moving to her stomach looking into her beautiful brown eyes "what about we start looking next weekend for some furniture and stuff"

Nodding at him her lips finding his soft and gentle "sounds like a plan at 26 weeks even if it is born early there is a bigger chance of survival now"

Looking down at her the comment meant to sound casual he didn't realize that she was worried still that the baby might come early "this baby will be ok Liv, your doing everything here"

Her arms wrapping around his chest snuggling into him "I love you Brian Cassidy"

Kissing the top of her head "I love you too Olivia Benson the mother of my no our child"

Oooooooooooooooooooooooo

Walking into SVU on Monday her pregnant belly for all to see, she was aware of the glances she got as she walked through downstairs the big coat that she had been wearing now longer needed, no longer able to hide what she was able to finally enjoy the fact of being pregnant something she had wanted for so long.

Seeing Nick look up at her a smile on her face "no coat or trying to hide it now Liv, you did a terrible job anyway, we were all wondering when you were going to tell us"

Her eyes moving around the room "Sorry I knew you had guessed or pretty sure of it, the large coats didn't hide it as well as I wanted, its all out in the open now"

Her voice softer talking to Nick "we were just trying to come to terms with it, and it was harder as I was so far along"

Looking at Olivia her face was glowing "you had no idea you were pregnant"

Shaking her head "the pregnancy test was negative that I took months ago and I lost hope that I might be, it was a shock when they told me"

A smile on his face he was happy for his partner "it's what you've always wanted, I'm happy for you Liv, what about Cassidy"

Nodding her head "we're both happy about it and both getting used to it all, how it will change our lives but it's what I've always wanted and it is what Brian wants too, he's been wonderful through it all"

Walking into the Captains office her eyes moving around, how much longer would she be here for she didn't want to admit that it was a good idea, that her stress levels would be lower she didn't want to admit that she failed at the job that if they thought she was doing a good job they would keep her on. If she was honest with herself she always said to Captain Cragen she didn't want a desk job to be out on the road would she now be able to, how long would they let her go out she didn't want to think that she would be desk bound.

The photo on her desk of her and Brian mucking around a smile on their face taken not long after they had moved into together down at Central Park her arms around his neck smiling for the camera, it wasn't long after everyone had found out before William Lewis came into her life, before he did what he did to her.

Putting the paperwork in a pile, the log books needed to be collected all of this prevented her going out as often as she wanted.

Walking out into the room up to the desks "log books guys"

Watching as Fin and Nick hand her theirs before walking up to Amanda "Log book Amanda for last week"

Looking up at Olivia "I'll give it to you at the end of the shift"

Her eyes not moving from hers, she had given Amanda so many chances this year "nearly every week your log book isn't given on time, you know it is to be done and handed in on the Monday, if Nick and Fin are able to do it, why can't you?"

Her eyes down on the table "I'm sorry Sergeant I had other stuff that I wasn't able to do it, I will stay back if it isn't done so you will have it by the end of the day"

She didn't like coming down so hard on them but she knew she had to "by 6 pm tonight, and there is no overtime Rollins for you to finish it"

Walking back to the office hearing a voice behind her "Sergeant Benson" turning around to see who it is, was this the new guy who was coming in.

Looking up she knew that voice yes it was who she thought, in part she was relieved he knew her but he also knew her problem she had with gambling he had helped her out when she should of lost her job he saved it for her, he said she was working undercover she saved him "Lieutenant Murphy what are you doing here?"

Looking at Rollins and back to Muprhy maybe he wasn't the guy to take over watching as he walks up to her "We're spoken on the phone Sergeant, Lieutenant Murphy I'm here to take over SVU"

Nodding she remembered speaking to him on the phone, unimpressed by it all having to go along with it all, lying to her squad about what actually happened "now I …"

His eyes moving down to her pregnant stomach before back up to her face "They didn't tell you, classic somewhere we can talk, we can discuss this in private?"

Nodding at him she didn't want to think but she was sure he was here to take over starting now "my office" leading him away feeling the eyes on her team mates behind her except it would no longer be her office

Walking over to the desk "they said they would let me know when they were sending someone over, this is only temporarily right?"

He couldn't help his eyes move to her pregnant stomach again "this whole thing was only temporary to start with, you knew that"

Starting to pick up her things "1PP thinks a pregnant person cannot run SVU, despite the fact I'm not even due for another 14 weeks"

Moving over to the desk putting the paper in a pile "they think this is best for SVU and you"

Not even looking at him moving her stuff into a pile "you mean what's best for them, being pregnant hasn't stopped me running this place" looking up at him "think you can do a better job?"

Sitting down on the chair "no one's doubting you didn't do a good job Sergeant, they don't want you over working yourself. Look I've been put in charge of here for the time being and I would really like us to work together"

Picking up the photo looking at it "how's Cassidy going, is he still doing undercover work?"

Grabbing the photo off him "You know Cassidy?" looking at Murphy she knows a lot of cops know him many for the wrong reason Carissa

Nodding at Olivia "we have met at some of the UC parties and meets you don't get to see them much due to all the years you need to work UC met him during his time with Andre and Ganzel, he has his shield back again now, I take it he's your partner."

Her eyes looking at Murphy wonder what he was up to "what is this 20 questions, I thought you would know, he's working in IAB now"

Looking up at Olivia "At least he got his shield back, family and pregnancy does that too you UC is no place once you have kids" seeing the look on her face "nice photo by the way"

Looking at Murphy in confusion was he talking about himself or her and Brian "once you put your things on your desk, call the others into my office, I'll let them all know"

Walking towards the door "I know You've been in UC but SVU is different than anything like that the way things are dealt"

Looking up at Olivia "SVU is an elite unit that I am proud of taking over, I've been many places Sergeant and look forward to working with you all, if you give me a chance you might even enjoy having me here I get you don't want me here but 1PP has put me here and I would still like you to be my 2UC so I do hope we can work together on this"

Nodding at Murphy "I can do this" she didn't want to admit that she would probably be happier with someone else taking over, someone else trying to keep the others in line, to be able to spend more time maybe with Brian to actually start to enjoy her pregnancy.

Walking out to her desk seeing the others eyes on hers "Murphy wants you all in the office now"

Looking up at Olivia sitting opposite him "you okay Liv"

Nodding her head at Nick "yeah I'm fine" turning her head to his office maybe she would enjoy him being here and able to work with him

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Her feet up on the lounge looking up as the front door opens smiling as she sees Brian walk in "hey babe" walking over to kiss her "I tried calling you a few times to see how it was going"

Putting her feet on his lap "I called you back but we kept missing each other"

Rubbing her feet "how did it go today I got your message"

The touch of his hands helping her sore feet "we got someone who knows you" seeing Brian's eyes move up to hers "Lieutenant Declan Murphy, he was the guy who was undercover in the gambling ring that Amanda got caught up in long story but she worked with him, now he out of that and commanding officer at SVU, he recognized the photo I had on my desk of us said he knew you from UC"

The concentration on his face "the name rings a bell but you meet so many people in UC and the wire taps with Ganzel all these names came up, shaking his head his name wasn't one of them"

Moving around so she is leaning against him "he said he met you at a few UC things, not sure what to make of him yet, he wants me to be his 2UC though"

Leaning back against him "as off today he is now commanding officer of SVU and I am back being Sergeant again"

Stroking her head "isn't that in a way what you want it Liv, to be out on the road more, you didn't like the desk job the stress of it all, this way you will be hands on more. You never have liked been stuck behind a desk"

Looking up at him "I know but … It just feel weird having some stranger coming in taking over SVU if I wasn't pregnant this wouldn't be happening"

His hand moving down to her pregnant bulge "you wouldn't change being pregnant for anything Liv just enjoy it now, this is something you have always wanted

Smiling up at him "how did I get so lucky to have you as my boyfriend"

Looking down at her, boyfriend he wanted to be more than that he didn't see himself growing old at one stage but now he couldn't imagine a life without Olivia in it, he hoped he never would.

OOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo

Walking into SVU the following morning she did wonder how long she would be able to be active for, at 27 weeks she was starting to feel it, her feet and ankles swelling up slightly she wasn't ready to give up going out on the road just yet, she would wait until it slowed her down until she knew she couldn't do the job as effectively as she should.

Looking up as she hears Lt Murphys voice "Sergeant a word"

Walking into his office closing the door her eyes upon him "just a heads up Sergeant, 1PP wants you put on desk duty for the rest of your pregnancy"

Her mouth open "no, no no" her voice rising "first they think I'm unable to be commanding officer here, and now they want me on desk duty, no I won't do it, I am more than capable of still going out on the job, when that stops I will go on desk duty, but until then the answer is NO"

Looking at Olivia he had a feeling she would not take to it "I have already spoken to them and said that for the time being you can still be out on the road, but Sergeant the moment I think it is effecting the job you will be taken off it and put here on desk duty."

Nodding at him "I understand, thank you. I will be the first one to admit when that will happen but that is not now"

Watching as Olivia turns to walk away "is desk duty that bad Olivia, this is your first pregnancy isn't it? Do you really want to risk it being out on the road, you need to be extra careful"

Turning to face him did he want her back here, why did he keep asking about her personal life "yes it is, I don't want desk duty I'm more than aware of the risks involved and if for a moment I thought either of us would be in danger then I would go to desk duty only but not yet"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo

Racing into the doctors seeing Olivia waiting "sorry I thought I might of missed it, got stuck in traffic, Tucker held me back, I swear that guy, he knew I had to be out of there at 5 pm"

Raising her eyes at Brian she didn't like Tucker but he was his boss "you're here now and that is all that matters, they are running late anyway"

Reaching for her hand "sure you don't want to know if it is a baby boy or girl"

A small laugh escaping from her lips "nice try Bri, don't you like surprises I really don't care if it is a boy or a girl as long as it is healthy"

His hand on hers "it will be Liv, we have to remain positive, I would love a mini Olivia with those big brown eyes looking at me"

Moving her head to lean against his shoulder "so you can spoil her a daddy's girl, that each time she looks at you, you will just give in to her I can just see it Bri"

Watching as the door opens "Olivia Benson" nodding getting up off the seat she is nervous what if they find something wrong with either of them feeling Brian's hands gripping hers she can't look up at him but the squeeze knowing that she isn't alone she has a wonderful boyfriend with her.

The gel cold against her stomach each time the gel is put on she has the same reaction watching as the probe moves around her stomach looking up at Brian his hand still holding hers the other one stroking her head her eyes looking at the screen waiting to hear the heartbeat

Feeling Olivia squeeze his hand he knows she is scared and nervous but does not want to admit it, he is going to be there for her every step of the way.

His eyes turning back to the doctor then back to Olivia both of them can see the frown on her face her face etched with concentration something was wrong his eyes moving to Olivia he can see the fear on her face "what's happening, what's wrong"

Looking up at Brian something was wrong with her baby, had she killed the baby "is something wrong with my baby" feeling Brian's hand gripping hers stronger.

The doctors eyes moving to the screen in concentration, before turning to face Olivia and Brian hearing Olivia's voice "where is the babies heartbeat, what is wrong with my baby"

Turning to look at them both "I'll be back in a moment"

Looking up at Brian trying to be strong "Bri, something is wrong, why won't they tell us what is wrong"

Looking up as the door opens and the two doctors walk in she can't help but be afraid that something is seriously wrong, has she lost her baby, did all the drinking she do early on end up killing her baby. Her eyes not moving from the screen and the doctor "someone tell me what's going on here"

OOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo


	10. Chapter 10

_**Thank you for the reviews.**_

_**There will be some answers in this chapter but some will not be answered until the following chapter. **_

_**Hope you enjoy it still please review if you have enjoyed it. **_

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo

Turning to face Olivia and Brian "Sorry to worry you, I just wanted a second opinion first"

Turning to look at Brian briefly before back at the doctor "why the second opinion"

He could tell Olivia was getting worried his voice gruff "just tell us what is going on here"

A smile on her face looking at the other doctor who is nodding "you are having twins"

Confusion on her face "twins, how"

Looking at Olivia his face echoing the surprise of Olivia's and back at the doctor "are you sure why wasn't this picked up before"

Looking back at the screen "one of the babies was behind the other one, one baby is growing up the right size and all but the other baby isn't growing as well and had been hidden behind the other baby. We might need to do more tests to see if there is a problem and to find the reason why the other baby isn't growing as well"

Looking at Brian seeing the shock on his face "twins, two babies why wasn't it picked up previously"

She could tell they were both in shock "as the smaller baby was hidden we couldn't see it, we can see it now as the babies are moving around that we could pick it up. In older parents twins are more common and a higher percentage even if it isn't in the family, we need to book you in for another ultrasound and tests as soon as possible"

Her eyes moving to Brian and back to the screen "are my babies at risk could I lose both of them?"

Wiping the gel off her stomach "until we do more, I can't say one twin is really strong, but if it is what it could be, it could be getting too much blood and nutrients which can harm the baby whilst the other baby isn't getting enough so isn't growing"

Pulling her shirt down and packing up the machine "I'm sorry I can't tell you more but we need to book you into hospital as soon as possible to find out what is happening. Most can be fixed either with surgery whilst the baby is in the womb or it is fixed on its own, try not to worry too much. As soon as you can book into the hospital the better chance of survival for both babies"

Trying to blink back the tears could she lose her babies, feeling Brian's hand squeezing hers she didn't want to think about it, she had been so worried about her drinking causing the problems why was she surprised "what is the chance if they need to be born now?"

Looking at them both "babies born after 26 weeks have a chance of survival the longer they are able to stay inside the womb the better but if they need to be delivered soon, they do have a chance of making it, try not to worry too much"

He could see Olivia trying to hold it together kissing the top of her head "what about Liv, will this hurt her will it….." he couldn't say it he didn't want to think that if he had to make a choice between the babies and Olivia he knew he would choose Liv but would she feel the same

Looking at the doctor he needed to know even if I was a guess and he knew Olivia would too "what do you think it is, you have to have an idea?"

The machine already packed up "we believe you have twin to twin transfusion"

His face confused "what's that?"

Seeing the worry on their face "it occurs in identical twins who share a placenta. It is when there is a connection of the two babies' blood vessels of their shared placenta. This results in one baby receiving more blood flow, while the other baby receives too little"

Blinking back the tears she didn't know how much she could take she was used to dealing with problems but this was her dream she finds out she is having two babies and now this "if it is this, can it be treated will both babies survive?"

Looking at them both "it can be treated it looks like it might have been picked up early enough. You need to make an appointment at the hospital for an ultrasound, there are various treatments available or if it comes down, the babies will need to be delivered, there is a high survival rate for TTTS"

Seeing the worry on Olivia's face "it is nothing either of you have done, it is not genetic it just happens and there is nothing that could have been done to have prevented it from occurring"

Walking out of the doctors both of them in a daze he needed to hold it together for Olivia's sake he could tell that she was having trouble coming to terms with it and he knew she would try to blame herself.

His hand going around her waist "it is going to be alright Liv"

Turning to look at Brian snapping at him "you don't know that, the doctors don't know that" her voice rising "no one knows that, I could lose this baby, babies"

Fighting back the tears she knew it wasn't Brian's fault that he was trying to comfort her but she couldn't believe that it was going to be alright "this is all my fault, I was drinking early on in the pregnancy and now this we don't even know for sure it is twin to twin transfusion"

Putting his hands on her shoulders "Liv, listen we need to trust the doctors they said there is various treatments available and a high survival rate" turning her to face him "you heard the doctors it is nothing anyone has done it just happens"

She can't listen to what he is saying "they can't say that for sure things don't just happen,what happens if they do survive, will there be something wrong with them, will they have brain damage, will they have problems" her voice rising "no one knows you can't say it is going to be ok when it isn't"

Moving away from Brian she knew she was being unreasonable taking it out on him but she couldn't stop it or help it, despite what he said this was her fault

Watching as Olivia walks away calling out "Liv, wait"

Running up to her putting his hand on her arm "Liv stop it, you can't do this, the stress of it all you will be making it worse for yourself and the babies"

Looking up at him "it is my fault then Brian is what you're saying"

Watching as she flings his hand off shaking his head, she is the most annoying person no matter what he says it will be wrong, racing up to her "Don't do this Liv, lets get something to eat"

Shaking her head why wasn't he worried why didn't he care "I don't want to eat, you think having a meal will just fix this make me forget it, it's like you don't even care" turning to face him "is that it your happy about this"

Standing in the street as she walks away yelling after her "no, I don't know how to fix it" feeling tears forming in his eyes it was the truth he had no idea how to fix any of it, to make it better for her, for her to stop blaming herself and that he was trying to hold it together.

Turning around to face Brian "you go and get something to eat, I'm going back to the apartment"

Shaking his head at her "don't do this Liv, please calm down I'm worried about you, we've made the appointment for 2 days time let's just wait then to hear, we can't think the worse"

Arriving back at the apartment watching as Olivia goes to the bedroom closing the door, he was worried about her he knew more than anyone how much a baby meant to her. Sitting on the lounge turning the TV on he needed a moment by himself, he was trying to be strong for her and be there but she wasn't making it easy but this was part of Olivia that he hadn't really seen a part of her that scared and vulnerable but one that pushes him away when things go hard.

Slamming the door behind her she knew she was being unreasonable but she couldn't help it she shouldn't yell at Brian she had taken out everything on the one person who was trying to be there for her, trying to support and help her but she was scared. Scared of the unknown but scared that she was going to lose these babies something that she had wanted for so long. She couldn't hold the tears in for any longer she had been fighting them but now they just poured out.

Opening the door tentatively seeing Olivia lying on the bed her body racked by sobs, walking over to her lying next to her his arms around her, soothing her he wanted to tell her it was going to be alright like he had but she was right they didn't know he could only hope "Liv, we have to be positive here, we're in this together and we will get through this together"

kissing the top of her head seeing her tear stained face look up at him "how I wish I could believe that it is all going to be alright but I can't Brian to know that something is wrong with them, that for a brief moment we have been told we are parents to two babies and also knowing that we could lose one or both of them"

Holding her against him "I know Liv we can't think like that"

tilting her head up to hers wiping the tears away from her eyes "I love you so much Liv and I hate seeing you so upset"

Looking up at him why wasn't he upset, did he not care that they could lose the babies "of course I'm upset, aren't you that we could lose them"

Taking a deep breath he knew where this was going the look in her eyes he had seen before "of course I am upset but Liv you have to stop pushing people away who are trying to help you be here for you, I am not going anywhere"

Moving over to the bed touching her arm "I am not giving up hope or giving them a death sentence here Liv. I am listening to what the doctors said that there is a high chance of survival and treatments and they are going to be ok"

He didn't want to fight with her "look who they have for parents, you're a fighter Liv look what you've been through and come out of, these babies are fighters and will not give up, so neither should we"

Her eyes moving up to Brian's here she was biting his head off blaming him for not caring, being the voice of reason for a change touching his cheek "I do love you too Brian so much, I don't know what I would do without you"

Kissing the top of her head "you will never have to find out babe, I'm not going anywhere"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo

Watching as Olivia walks out of the bedroom "You going to work Liv?"

Nodding at Brian "I have to, I need to keep my mind occupied, if I stay at home I will just think and over think"

Walking over to her handing her the coffee "I was going to get the day off to spend it with you, we could do something, go away for the night"

Kissing him on the lips "That sounds great, but I need to do this I need to go to work"

Hugging her "why don't we meet at our usual place for dinner tonight"

Moving away looking up at him touching his cheek "I'm fine Bri, you don't need to do all of this, I'll be ok"

Seeing Brian watching her "why don't we try that new place then"

Watching Olivia walking out the door he couldn't help but worry about her, despite her wanting to go to work, he did wonder if she was doing the right thing.

OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo

Walking into the interrogation room with Amaro the guy was a slime ball to start with his cockiness was irritating her, Fin and Amanda had already tried to get something out of him, now it was her. He was over confident that was going to be his downfall, something about him reminded her of Lewis the first time they interrogated him, that he thought he had done nothing wrong, enjoying the time there she felt sick afterwards.

She could see him staring at her pregnant stomach before looking up at her face "someone do a job on ya love"

Moving closer to her "like you the jobs you did on those girls" moving slightly away "have problems getting them on your own"

Seeing him look up at her "lady are you blind, have a look at me, really think I'd have problem picking up any girl, bet you even want a piece of the action"

Walking over closer to him "really, going to do the same to me as you did to them"

His eyes maintaining her contact "only you'd be so lucky that someone would do that to do, or did they, that why you knocked up, someone got to you too, did things to you, at your age that would be the only way"

Leaning closer to her "those girls wanted it just like you do, begging for more and more"

She knew he was baiting her and she shouldn't react her face close to his her hand coming up hitting him across the face " that turn you on"

Pulling the chair out beneath him "you raped them didn't you just admit it" he had gotten to her but she couldn't stop

Her leg coming out as she is hitting him, part of her knew she should stop but the anger at everything she is feeling coming out the way he reminded her of Lewis he grin on him, his face flashing before her eyes the news from the doctors.

Kicking him still in the chest "right just admit it"

He had walked up to the room to watch Olivia to see if she could get something out of the guy, what was she doing she was stirring the guy up, watching as she takes a swing at him running inside with Amaro pulling her off "that's enough, get off him"

Feeling Murphys' arms on her pulling her off her, moving his arm roughly off hers her voice still full of anger "get off me" as she storms out

Watching his partner walk out of the room, what just happened Olivia never lost it, looking at Murphy his eyes on Olivia and back to the suspect looking up at Murphy what did he want him to do

Watching Olivia storm off Murphy looks at Olivia and back at the suspect what just happened to his 2UC looking at the suspect sitting on the chair if he called a bus then there would be an investigation and IA would be involved and it could be her career. Would he press charges for police brutality.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Thank you for the reviews I was only going to write a few chapters but things kept popping into my head and I love Bensidy so can't stop.**_

_**Hope you enjoy this chapter, and get some answers this time **_

_**Please review if you enjoyed it or if you want anything in it **_

OOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo

Turning to look at Murphy her eyes blazing "we got a confession didn't we"

Watching Olivia walk away he needed to sort this out to talk with her "Sergeant, we're not finished yet" watching as she doesn't even turn around or acknowledge him.

Hearing her name called out she didn't want to speak to him she didn't want to explain herself, feeling his hand on her shoulder turning to face him her voice with anger in it "get your hands off me"

Looking at Olivia what was causing this "Olivia a 8 year old could of done a better job in there, we both know that confession meant nothing and can't be used, you will also be lucky if he doesn't file a complaint against you or charges"

Her mouth slightly open the anger still there everything building up "then go and hire a 8 year old, let him try he is up on rape and other charges, really think any charge against me they will believe"

Shaking his head at her "there were witness Liv, injuries to him"

Shrugging at Murphy "he sustained them to himself let him try, you going to back up his story?"

His face full of concern and worry why didn't she seem to care "I've tried to tread lightly around you Sergeant give you some slack but today it stops Go home now, I don't want to see you again today"

Looking at Lt Murphy she didn't want to go home she wanted to be here "I don't need to go home, I'm fine I'm staying here"

Moving away from the others motioning her to follow him into his office "that is an order Olivia, you go home now, I don't want to see you back here today"

Her face stubborn looking at him she wasn't moving "I don't want to go home or leave, I'm staying here at work"

Looking up at her he wasn't backing down, he could see the anger on her face she needed to sort this out "it's not negotiable"

Her face showing nothing as she looks at him "and if I don't"

He didn't want to do this to her or have it on her record but he had no choice he couldn't have her here the state she was in "I'll have to make it official and put a note on your file, I don't want to do that Sergeant, please go home I can't have you working here, don't come back here until you are ready"

Looking at Lt Murphy she knew she didn't handle it well but her anger at it all coming out, without being able to control it "I'll be back tomorrow"

Looking up at her concern on her face "Sergeant take the time off you need to sort whatever is going on out, I can't have another episode like it is today take all the time you need"

Nodding at Lt Murphy, she had the hospital appointment tomorrow "I'll see you on Friday then"

Walking out to her desk picking up her bag seeing the concern on Nick's face "You Ok Liv"

Nodding at Nick "I'll see you Friday"  
he was worried for his partner "Murphy making you take time off, if you want to talk Liv"

Smiling at Nick "No, I'll be fine a few days off …. It will work out" she had to believe that to think positive she couldn't talk to Nick she would break down, she didn't want to go home and think she wanted to keep her mind occupied.

Watching Olivia walk out Nick was worried about her, she wouldn't open up to him but something was wrong with her for her to react like she did. Looking at the phone he knew he could get Cassidy's mobile, he didn't like the guy that much but he knew more than anything that he loved Liv and was what she needed right now. The wrath of Olivia's anger if she found out he would deal with, he wouldn't normally do it but he couldn't just let her stand by and ruin her career she needed someone with her to help her and as much as he wanted to help his partner he knew the one that would get through to her was Cassidy. He dreaded ringing him but he had no choice he had to help her.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Walking inside the apartment Brian at work, she shouldn't of lost it but it all boiled over she was turning into what Elliot was and Amaro had been she let the anger in her personal life boil over into her work, she had done it once before and now here again she was doing it, she couldn't help it, she wasn't sorry.

It was times like these she wanted that glass of wine, wanted that one drink something to calm her down something to help her. Walking into the kitchen staring at the fridge she couldn't do it to herself or the babies inside of her.

It was times like these that she wished her mother was around or family, she had no one really to help her. Brian was great but he didn't understand all the time he was trying his best to help her to get her through all of this for which she was grateful and she didn't know what she would do without him, he was her support all through Lewis the nightmares she had he was there every part, when she pushed him away he was still there, when she didn't want to be touched, didn't want to have sex when she felt so violated by it all, he gently held her soothing her.

He had been there for her every step of the way she was lucky to have him and she knew it but she still pushed him away, still yelled at him yet he held her and was there for her.

Hearing the front door open surprise on her face "you're home early"

Walking over to her kissing the top of her head "could say the same about you, you been home for a while"

Looking up at him concern on his face "slow day at work so I left early, why are you home early does Tucker finally have a heart" she couldn't tell him the truth especially with him being in IA.

Moving over to hang his jacket up he couldn't tell her that Amaro had rung him to say that something was wrong with Liv, that he was worried and if he knew what it was "think more like Tucker wanted me out of there"

Turning to look at Brian his excuse wasn't even plausible "who told you, Murphy, Amaro, Tucker wouldn't send you home even if you begged him which you must off or bribed him for him to let you off this early, you might have been UC for years Bri but you're still hopeless trying to liar like that"

Standing near the lounge seeing Olivia's eyes on him expectantly "they were worried about you Liv, they said that they were worried Amaro the jerk that he is, does care about you and was going to come over, so I told Tucker I was leaving early and he could suck it up"

Sitting up on the lounge "Bri, you know how Tucker is, don't lose your job over me"

Moving over to her his hands on her shoulder "Liv I would give up my job for you, I knew neither of us should of gone to work today I wasn't going to let you be here by yourself dealing with all of this, I love you Liv there was no way I was going to let you be here by yourself" kissing the top of her head "what happened at work for Nick to call me?"

Putting her hands on his looking up into his face "Better you don't know Bri, let's just say I didn't handle a situation well in the interrogation room"

Nodding at Olivia he got what he meant, his job with IA meant that there were certain topics they couldn't talk about as she continues "I wanted to keep busy maybe it wasn't such a good idea in the end, everything just came out the way I felt"

Looking at Olivia sitting there her feet up on the lounge he was so in love with this woman more than he had been with anyone else "I was thinking maybe of going to that new Italian restaurant, the one you keep pretending you don't want to go to"

Looking up at Brian "I don't pretend it is just so expensive Bri, we don't have to go there"

Wrapping his arms around her "I want to take you Liv, somewhere nice forget about the cost I know it is somewhere you want to go"

Turning around on the lounge facing him "I love you Brian Cassidy" moving towards him her lips meeting his the kiss gentle wrapping her arms around his neck as it intensifies.

Pulling away slightly a while later "keep this up and we won't be going anywhere"

Her eyes not moving from his "where is the problem with that"

Kissing the top of her head which was the safest option "save it for after dinner when I'm all yours"

Getting up off the chair moving over to Brian her hand going under his shirt moving her hand around his chest "we could always work up an appetite, don't want any food going to waste and its only 4 pm so we have a few hours to fill in anyway"

Feeling her hands on his chest moving down he knew she would get what she wanted like she always did. Giving in to her, feeling her mouth against his lips, her tongue moving around inside his mouth their clothes falling to the floor as they make their way to lounge as the kissing becomes feverent their hands moving over each others body.

OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo

Walking along the street after dinner hand in hand no need to talk the silence comfortable feeling Brian's arms around her pulling her towards him looking up at him "thank you"

Kissing her on top of the head no other words need to be spoken.

She felt content with his arms around her and safe.

Moving his arm off her reaching for her hand squeezing it "have you thought of any names yet Liv?"

Moving her arm through his "I thought maybe we could come up with a name each"

Pulling her closer to him "if we knew the sex we could choose before they arrived'?"

Shaking her head a small laugh coming out of her mouth "nice try Bri, we could choose names now for the babies and when they are born the name might not suit them, not knowing we can choose on what their personalities are like or what they are like, I do know if it is a girl I want it's middle name to be Serena"

His arm moving back to around her waist "and the other one to be Olivia after her beautiful caring mother"

Looking at Brian tears forming in her eyes "I honestly don't know how I would of gotten through all of this without you, I don't mean just the past few weeks but the past year or so, you have been my rock strength and comfort through it all"

Stopping turning to face her "you don't give yourself enough credit Liv you are one of the strongest if not the strongest person I know. I will always be there for you though"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo

The room was sterile and so white a bit how she felt, this was it this was when they would be given some answers to find out what is happening with her their babies, she could feel Brian's hands grip hers she couldn't look at him, he would be like her.

She couldn't feel the cold gel on her stomach this time the nerves were there, glancing at Brian his face echoing hers the fear there the unknown she wanted to look at the screen but was scared, scared of what she would see.

She was brought out of her thoughts by the doctors voice "have you had any contractions, pains in the stomach dizziness, more swelling in the ankles than normal"

Shaking here head "no I've felt fine my ankles have swelled up more than usual but I thought that was common in being pregnant and it doesn't stop me from walking or doing anything" did that mean there was hope that nothing was majorly wrong

Brian's grip on her hand hadn't loosened she didn't want to look at the doctors face.

Seeing him look back up at them "you do have twin to twin transfusion syndrome, we have a few options for you to consider, regardless of the therapy chosen the majority of babies with TTTS survive but the various treatments do differ in their outcomes and the ability to prolong the pregnancy and how healthy the baby will be"

Looking up at Brian she didn't want to have hope just yet, but those few words that majority of babies survive she heard that and it gave her some hope something to cling to

The doctor was no nonsense straight to the point "the majority of TTTS twins with our without treatment will be born prematurely and need to spend some time in the newborn intensive care unit"

Brian needed to know he knew Olivia needed to know "doctor just tell us the treatments and what we need to do so our babies are born healthy and are not born as early"

Both eyes upon the doctor "The best treatment to keep the babies in the womb is laser, we would prefer the babies to stay there as long as possible, they can be delivered safely after 28 weeks and preferably weighing 1.5 kg or more. Without treatment the babies would need to be monitored carefully and be delivered as soon as possible, the longer they stay without treatment the bigger the risk of death or abnormalities or brain damage"

She was trying to take it all in she knew he was painting the worse possible outcome and not sugar coating it "Laser treatment what does that involve, will it allow the babies to stay in longer?"

Her head was spinning taking it all in, looking up at Brian she knew what had to be done "when can the laser be done" she wanted to carry them for as long as possible to give them the best chance or being born safely and healthy

Picking up his stuff "we'll book you in on Monday for it"

Looking up at Brian she felt slightly more hopeful now but despite it all she couldn't relax "let's get out of here babe"

His arm around her waist leaning against him feeling his lips on top of her head "it is going to be alright Liv, these babies are fighters and as the doctor said the majority of babies survive"

She wanted to believe him but until they were born she couldn't she couldn't relax there was the minority and she had been in SVU and a detective long enough to know that anyone could be in that minority and this time she just hoped that herself and Brian weren't that. She had hope against hope that her babies would be alright after everything they had been through she had wanted to become a mother more than anything for 9 years, adoption had failed she lost Calvin was this her last chance to actually become a mum.

Stroking Olivia's head he didn't need to see her face to know that she was still trying to cope with it all and despite the doctor saying the majority or babies survive that she still couldn't relax, despite it all and what he said had to have hope that their babies would be ok, that they were in the majority "why don't we go away for a few days Liv, get out of New York somewhere"

Looking up at Brian she knew he was trying to take her mind off it all trying to smile at him tears forming in her eyes "I can't lose these babies Brian not now, they have to be ok" if she lost them she doubt she would ever get the family she so desperately wanted

Pulling her towards him, his arms wrapping around her "we're not going to lose these babies Liv, even if they have to be born now, they have a good survival rate, we are going to get through this and have two gorgeous healthy baby girls"

Looking up into his eyes "or boys"

Shaking his head "they are fighters so they are definitely girls just like their beautiful mother"

Feeling his arm around her waist despite trying to remain positive she was finding it hard to Monday was still 4 days away her only hope was nothing was going to happen to her babies before then.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Thank you for the reviews and reading it, hope you continue to enjoy it. **_

_**Please review it **_

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo

A week off work, all she wanted was one day off to go to the hospital, but instead she was given a week off, told on Friday not to come back to the following Monday, she was going to kill Brian how dare he go behind her back and speak to Lt Murphy.

Opening the door walking over to Olivia walking over to kiss her "babe"

Her eyes glaring at him "don't babe me, how dare you Brian, what gives you the right to interfere in my work life"

Looking at Olivia in confusion "Liv what are you talking about, are you serious what gives me the right, your my girlfriend, you're carrying my children I think that pretty much gives me some say in your life"

Standing up from the lounge glaring at him "You're kidding me, what am I talking about, I wanted one day off work, one friggen day and what does Murphy do but give me a whole week off, a fuckin week off work Brian what am I meant to do with myself for a week"

Looking at her the anger in her eyes he could think of plenty of things to do in a week off he should off known she wouldn't off taken it.

He wanted it to be a surprise, walking into the bedroom coming out with an envelope handing her the envelope "I wanted it to be a surprise Liv"

Looking at the envelope and back up at Brian in confusion "what's this"

Rolling his eyes "just open it Liv, I spoke to Murphy to see if you could get a few days off"

Opening the envelope her mouth open looking up at Brian, here she was yelling at him when he did this, looking back at him "Bri, what's this?"

His eyes not moving from hers "I thought you needed a holiday Liv, so I booked a trip to the Caribbean for a few nights, we leave Wednesday and come back Sunday"

Moving over to Brian "I'm sorry Bri"

Putting his arms around her pulling her close to him "I know Liv you are always sorry, but I'm not the enemy here, I am on your side you know, we are both worried here you've got to stop yelling and screaming and taking it all out of me, I understand why all I am trying to do is what is best for you"

Feeling his arms around her, she did know he was on her side but she couldn't help the way she felt blaming him, she needed to take her frustrations out and he was there. Looking up at him "I really do love you so much Brian Cassidy and I really am sorry"

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Brian had tried to take her mind off everything for the weekend, she went to work for a few hours on Saturday to finish everything up before meeting him for dinner going to the bistro they always go to. Looking across at him she knew she was lucky to have him in her life, despite everything they had gone through they were closer. She tried not to take everything out on him she couldn't imagine her life without him in it, she didn't want to.

Sunday was a lazy day, sleeping in she rolled over to find him not in the bed her hands moving over the sheet in her semi tired state feeling for his body a smell coming from the kitchen as he walks into the bedroom breakfast in bed placing the tray down in front of her, she honestly didn't know what she did to deserve the love of him sometimes especially when she treated him like the way she did at the moment.

Seeing Olivia face him he could see the love in her eyes she didn't have to say anything her hand reaching out stroking his face the subtle growth on his chin "I know I treat you badly sometimes Brian I honestly don't mean to take the frustration out on you or blaming you. Sometimes it is easier to take it out because you are here than admit that I am scared and that pushing you away or blaming you is to see if you will leave me and my way of coping. That taking it all out of you is the easiest way to cope not thinking how all of this is affecting you. I don't know how I would of gotten through all of this without you everything you are always there for me, and I appreciate that more than you will ever know"

Looking into his eyes "I'm just so scared sometimes nearly all of the time that something will happen that it won't work, or we will lose one or both of them. I don't have any family around and I miss having a mother around to help and talk too so instead I take it out on you, the one person who has stood by me, who has helped me more than anything. I'm so sorry Bri"

Taking a huge mouthful of the breakfast "you do all these wonderful things for me and book a holiday for us and all I did was yell at you and blame you for just caring"

Moving over to kiss her on top of the head "you've been through a lot Liv these past few weeks, your body is going through a major change, your hormones. I am here for you no matter what I think we are both scared. You can still yell at me sometimes all I want to do is make you happy and I am not going anywhere I hope you realize that by now I love you and will always be here for you"

Looking at Olivia eat her breakfast she had never opened up to him like she just did he didn't realize how much she missed her mother in this time when he should have.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo

She didn't want him to let go of her hand she was terrified that the procedure wouldn't work or that something would go wrong during it. All operations or anything came with a risk she was aware of that all she could do is hope was that she wasn't in that small percentage. Looking up at Brian she could see the worry in his eyes the worry that he was trying to keep hidden to be strong for her.

Seeing Brian looking down at her he was allowed to go in with her as long as he scrubbed up looking at him she knew him too well she would be sedated and a local anesthetic "I'll see you when this is all done"

Smiling gratefully at Olivia he wanted to be there for her but he didn't think he could cope being in the operating theatre watching them work on her and the babies he had given up working at SVU due to the cases, some things affected him and got to him.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo

Pacing the waiting room, walking outside in the garden no matter where he went he was impatient all he could think about was Olivia she was the love of her life, he had wanted her 15 years ago and 2 years ago he was given a second chance, she had wanted him and he had taken a risk in going out with her, the odd hook up at first before Lewis kidnapped and tortured her he would never forget hearing that news it was then he realized that he wanted her in his life, they nearly lost each other along the way but now there connection was stronger. He tried eating, having a coffee, his eyes continually moving to his phone what seemed like hours was only about 30 minutes. He hated the thought of going back to the empty apartment tonight whilst Olivia stayed at the hospital.

Unable to take it any longer striding back into the hospital he was told it would take about an hour he needed to be there when she was wheeled back into her room, when she woke up he had to be there with her.

Watching Olivia sleep her hand in his, stroking her head he was told she would be sleepy for some time until the sedative wore off relief that she was alright and that the babies should now be fine. She looked beautiful even sleeping there in the hospital gown, he never thought that he Brian Cassidy would be so crazy for someone, so in love with someone that he couldn't imagine her not in his life. 15 years ago he was young and immature and yes he wanted her badly then but being in UC he enjoyed the single life no commitment, hooking up briefly even Carissa was just a hook up whilst she was serious about him it wasn't as mutual he enjoyed the sex with her but he liked having no commitment that was until Lewis now he never wanted to imagine her not in his life. The wild life he had not wanting to get married, not wanting kids just having sex without a commitment, lying in front of him was the one person who had changed his whole outlook on life.

Watching as she starts to stir leaning down closer to her "Liv, it's me Brian" seeing her eyes turn towards him starting to focus on him.

Her head felt whoozy opening her eyes trying to focus her eyes moving around landing on Brian seeing a smile on his face, his hand in hers trying to smile, her hand automatically going to her stomach "did it go ok, are the babies ok"

Putting his hand on her stomach "the laser was successful they are happy and confident that it worked. You just need to stay in hospital overnight, but able to come home tomorrow"

Her eyes feeling heavy again she heard what she needed to "stay with me"

Stroking her forehead "I'm not going anywhere Liv" leaning down kissing her forehead "I'll be here when you wake up"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo

Walking into the apartment still feeling a bit sleepy feeling Brian's arms around her waist supporting her "go lie down Liv"

Shaking her head "I'll just lie on the couch, I'll be fine Bri if you need to get to work"

Helping her onto the lounge pulling a blanket over her "I've got the week off work there's no way I'm leaving you by yourself"

Rolling her eyes at him "I'll be ok Brian I just need to take it easy for a few days"

Bringing over a coffee, water and book for her "still want to go away?"

A smile on her face "try keeping me away what better way to rest than on a beach or by the pool in the Caribbean"

Walking over to the DVD cabinet "your choice, what DVD's do you want to watch" turning to face her seeing a smile on her face "your choice"

Raising her eyes at him "my choice so anything I WANT to watch you will sit through with me, you do know what ANYTHING means"

Looking at Olivia shaking his head "I really must love you to give you a choice of ANYTHING as I know it will be some mushy love story"

Putting her hands on her hips "nothing wrong with some mushy love story nearly every movie has a love story in it somehow"

Moving closer to her "not all are mushy ones that make you want to throw up love stories seriously wonder about your choice sometimes and what I see in you"

Looking at him "you're telling me that some love story isn't going to turn you on want to make made passionate love fast and furious with me, pin me down to the bed, make you go hard" her face challenging it "that's it isn't it you won't be able to control yourself"

His eyes challenging hers "choose any mushy love story you want babe, but you'll be the one who won't be able to control yourself begging me to fuck you before it is even over"

Standing up off the lounge moving over to the collection bringing out one of his hidden stash "you'll be able to sit through this and not want me or get hard"

Grabbing her hands "that is not classed as a mushy love story Liv"

Pinning her down on the floor by her wrists his face inches from hers "the movie hasn't even started and you're already wanting me"

His eyes not moving from hers his voice soft and husky "I have never not wanted you Liv" as his lips find hers the kiss soft and gentle as his hands move through her hair.

Her head in his lap stroking her hair watching as she brushes the tears out away from her eyes "bloody hormones"

His fingers wiping away her tears "have you ever not watched the Titanic or The Notebook without crying Liv"

A scowl on her face "it's the hormones make everything sad"

Nodding at her trying not to smile "so when we watch the other corny love stories that's your excuse we could always watch some action or horror movie"

Shaking her head her voice serious sitting up on the lounge " we see enough violence or horrific crimes with work, even though it isn't real things happen in real life that deal with murder, rape that we have to see and deal with, these mushy love stories are nothing like that"

He should of guessed her reasons for the movies she watched, it all made sense she never was into the horror he had his reasons but that wasn't really one of them,

A smirk on her face "we could watch Pretty Woman, you know about hookers, ghost has a murder in it for you, or Forrest Gump, dirty Dancing"

Pulling her towards him lying her flat on the lounge pinning her wrists on the lounge "for that you are watching every one of them"

Looking up at him her eyes not moving from his "that's we babe remember you said you would spend the afternoon watching DVD's with me, you don't get out of it that easy"

His hands not moving from her wrist "really" seeing her nod at him, releasing his hold on her feeling her hands coming up snaking around his neck pulling his mouth down to hers there kissing intensifying

Seeing Brian pull away from her, her eyes looking at him questioning him "you need to take it easy Liv"

Pulling his mouth closer to hers, her hand moving under his shirt "the doctor said to lie down for the afternoon, that's what I'm doing and taking it easy"

His eyes not moving from hers he wanted her so badly "this is not what the doctor meant by lying down"

Her hands moving down his body reaching his cock "you sure about that he never mentioned I couldn't make love to my boyfriend"

"you never asked him Liv"

"I'll call him now and ask if it makes you feel better if I can make wild passionate love to my boyfriend or if I can just suck his cock, if that takes up too much energy then I am sure there are ways that won't take up much of my energy but plenty of your's"

Shaking his head at her unable to resist her any longer his mouth finds hers feeling her hands moving around his cock "you know I can't say no to you when you do that"

Moving her mouth centimeters from his "you have no self control Cassidy"

Moving his mouth away from hers grabbing her hand "and you do Liv, you're the one who started this"

Looking into his eyes a smirk on her face "I don't hear you complaining here, want me to stop you'll be begging for more"

Shaking his head at Olivia maintaining her eye contact "really"

Nodding her head at him her mouth moving closer to his "yep I know exactly what you like, where you like it how"

His hand moving up her shirt massage her breasts flicking her nipples his mouth moving behind her ear and her ear seeing her tilt her head back slightly the other hand moving down her body massaging her clit watching as she bites her lips her eyes widening feeling her breathing becoming heavier as she starts to come whispering in her ear "think you're the one begging for more here not me"

A smile on his face listening to her as she comes, seeing her try to glare at him her words just coming out between the moans "just ….. wait …. Cassidy"

"I don't hear you complaining babe just wanting more"

Feeling his hands on her body she wasn't complaining she did want more she loved his touch the way he made her feel the way his touch could send her into a wild orgasm, the way he knew her body "I do want more babe I want you inside of me"

Moving them off the lounge onto the floor the movie playing in the background neither of them watching or caring about it, totally lost in each other.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Thank you for the reviews and followings **_

_**Enjoy **_

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo

The last time she had been on a plane was to the Bahama's with Brian for Christmas about 18 months ago when they had been going out for about 6 months, she never told anyone who she was going with a friend was what she told people. Again he was holding her hand as she looked out the window turning to look at him leaning her head against his shoulder feeling his lips on the top of her head as his hand reaches for her.

Walking inside the villa her eyes open in surprise it was amazing, the balcony overlooking the ocean, chairs and tables on the balcony a big king size bed inside. Palm trees outside it was paradise the crystal blue water was so inviting. Dropping her bags down she wanted to look around to see everything, go in the water.

Looking at Olivia her eyes sparkling she was like a kid on Christmas morning "what do you want to do first"

Wrapping her arms around his neck "thank you" her lips finding his quick but soft and passionate "I want to see everything, look around the resort, go to the beach, go for a swim"

"whoa Liv, we have 5 nights here"

Nodding "I know but I've never really been anywhere like this, except the Bahamas with you two Christmas's ago my first overseas holiday, this is just as special if not more Bri"

Walking over to his suitcase "why don't we go to the beach first, nice and relaxing before heading off to the pool and bar"

Leaning against Brian on the sand his arms around her waist the water was refreshing and what she needed, or more what her ankles needed. Her swimmers did nothing to hide the fact she was pregnant.

Grabbing Brian's hand putting it on her stomach looking up at his face "is that them?"

Nodding "I think they're having a party or practicing soccer in there, I can feel both of them"

He didn't want to move his hand away from her stomach kissing the top of her head. Was there really a stage that he didn't want kids that he couldn't imagine himself being a father being here now with Olivia he couldn't really see it any other way.

Pulling her back towards him his mouth on the top of her head moving down "Looking at both of us her now Liv, I can't really imagine our life any other way both of us becoming parents soon, to think that I couldn't imagine growing old or having a family but now there is nothing I want more than to become parents with you babe"

Turning around her fingers moving down his cheek looking into his eyes she saw what was reflected in her own eyes love "neither can I, I have everything I want here with you" her fingers outlining his mouth "if I kiss you now Cassidy I think we will both be arrested for what will follow here on the beach"

His lips moving down to find hers his voice hoarse and soft "let them arrest me" as his lips find hers moving apart as it is becoming deeper and more passionate.

Lying in bed Brian's arms wrapped around her turning to look at him "there was a time Bri I wondered if we were drifting apart"

Stroking her hair "I know what you mean Liv we were out of sync like we were more room mates. I thought moving in together was going to bring us closer and at one point we weren't, we were further apart and drifting further apart"

Touching his face nodding "we were together but apart, things were hard for a while I never wanted to break up. I missed lying in your arms there were nights I just wanted you to hold me. I let the stress of becoming a sergeant affect our relationship"

Looking at Olivia the intensity in her eyes his fingers moving down her arms "you weren't the only one babe let's never get to that point again, there were so many nights I wanted to hold you to make love to you, to have you in my arms but I thought you didn't want it"

Feeling her arms tighten around him his hand moving up and down her arm both deep in thought "things will change in about 11 weeks time but we still need to make time for us, talk about things and not let it build up. Having two babies is going to be a huge life change for us but I still can't wait"

Looking up at Brian her lips finding his the kiss soft and gentle "we will, we can make date nights, go out still, I am sure we will have plenty of baby sitters on hand"

His hand on her belly "15 years ago all I wanted was kids I wanted you and the whole package but then at one stage I didn't want them anymore I didn't want to bring them into this world with what I've seen how bad things can turn and the assaults and violence that are here how we can't save everyone and everything but this has reminded me of what I wanted all those years ago and with the same person too I can't wait for us to be parents babe"

Stroking his cheek gently her hands moving down to his mouth, her fingers outlining his mouth before bringing her lips up to his the kiss starting off gently before intensifying as his hands move down her back before he rolls on top of her.

OOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo

Rolling over her hand moving out the sheets were empty next to her, her hand moving around but nothing, opening her eyes looking around the room she couldn't see him anywhere, looking towards the bathroom she couldn't hear the shower running. Sitting up in bed looking at the bed side table no note nothing.

Pulling the sheets up covering her naked body her eyes scanning the villa "Bri, Brian"

Opening up the sliding door seeing Olivia sitting up in bed the worry in her eyes "Sorry babe I thought I would be back before you woke up "

Looking up at him as he walks over with a tray putting it on her lap kissing her forehead "good morning sunshine"

Looking up at Brian she didn't know how s he got so lucky to have him in her life, he treated her like a princess, reaching out stroking his cheek "I love you so much Bri"

His hand moving to her stomach "have to keep both of you healthy, can't have you starving"

Leaning down towards her bulge "we know how much your mummy loves food at the moment, can't have her eating it all and you two not get any"

Swatting Brian's head playfully "I do not eat too much lately, anyway I'm eating for 3, what's your excuse Cassidy"

Sitting down next to her "don't want you to feel bad eating so much and I need my energy looking after you"

Putting the last spoonful in her mouth "mmm that was so yummy" leaning over with her fork taking a mouthful of his.

Pushing her hand away "hey" seeing her brown eyes looking at him, shaking his head "no Liv don't look at me like that"

"the twins are still hungry babe, you don't want them to starve do you?"

Picking up his fork bringing it up to her mouth "the things I do for you babe, I really must love you"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo

Lying on the beach chairs near the pool a non alcoholic cocktail next to her "this is the perfect way to relax Bri, sun, surf and sex"

Reaching across for her hand squeezing it it was perfect, perfect for what he had in mind too.

Walking along the beach hand in hand their fingers entwined, her eyes glancing at her boyfriend he had been acting weird all night or all day "something the matter Bri"

Shaking his head he had tried to act normal he wanted this night to be perfect "is it work, you can talk about it if you are able to" his eyes turning to Olivia he was so lucky he loved her so much

Holding her hand walking along the beach he wanted everything right there it was ahead of them, seeing Olivia stop "I think we are walking in on someone's dinner"

Continuing to walk ignoring what she said, stopping at the table turning to Olivia seeing her mouth open in surprise "what's going on here?"

Pulling out the chair for her before sitting opposite her reaching out for her hand the rays of the moon glistening around them "I wanted to do something special for you"

Looking up at him "this is so beautiful , amazing and wonderful Bri, thank you"

The night was amazing having their own waiter bringing their entrée and main meal, despite it all Brian seemed nervous on edge her eyes searching his for answers.

Moving his hand to his pocket he was trying to act normal and knew he was failing finding what he wanted as his hand reaches for hers. Holding her hand, "Liv" his eyes kept blinking he was so nervous he never thought he would be doing this but it seemed so right taking a deep breath "these past few months has shown me that I can't imagine you not in my life, we've been through so much the ups and the downs and I will always love you and want to be with you and our children"

Watching as he moves off his chair onto one knee in front of her, her mouth open in surprise "I want to spend the rest of my life with you and our kids I do want to grow old with you, have a family with you, we got a second chance to be together two years ago and I love you more and more each day. I want to be with you now and forever I love you more than I ever thought possible. Liv will you marry me" his eyes blinking quickly he was so nervous did she still want to grow old with someone him or more importantly him

Her eyes glistening with tears, she always hoped that one day they might get married but she did wonder if it would happen her mouth open nodding her head before wrapping her arms around him her lips finding his "yes Brian, of course I will marry you, I love you more and more every day and I can't or don't want to imagine you never in my life I love you so much" holding out her hand as he slips on the ring

Holding her hand up looking at it "it's just perfect"

His arms wrapped around her drawing her closer to him, as close as he can "you're just perfect Liv I can't wait to marry you" as his lips find hers.

Watching Olivia roll back onto her back bringing her hand up as she looks at the ring "I might have to take it off you if you keep looking at it"

Rolling onto her side her hand moving over to his face "it's never coming off my finger husband to be"

Seeing Brian lying on his side next to her she had never loved anyone as much as she loved him, she was the first guy she was truly in love with the first guy she wanted to marry, she had strong feelings for David Haden and was falling in love with him but they had broken up before it got any more serious "I want to wait until the twins are born before we get married and only want a small ceremony just family and close friends with a small reception overlooking the water"

His hand stroking her forehead before running up and down her arm "anything you want babe, but small is good if that is what you want. It will be our one and only marriage so whatever you want is fine with me"

Snuggling against him feeling his warm naked skin against her body "as long as we're together that is all that matters and celebrating it with family and friends" looking up at him "I can't wait to become your wife"

Looking down seeing the love in her eyes "me too babe" as his mouth finds her the kiss gentle and soft to start off with, before his hands move down her body as the kissing intensifies.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Thank you all for the reviews I love Olivia happy and with Brian too and wish they had made her pregnant on the show to show a different side of her with a Bensidy baby**_

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Lying back on the seat of the plane her fingers entwined with Brian her eyes moving down to the ring on her finger she would never get tired of looking at it. Moving his hand over to her stomach "looks like they enjoy the plane rides"

Shifting in the seat her back was starting to hurt the pressure of the babies was flaring up her back, as much as she hated to admit it she did wonder how much longer she would be able to go out on the job for before being desk bound. Each time she went out now she was more careful she had more than herself to think about, she was no where as quick on her feet anymore and as much as she hated to admit it Nick was looking out for her more than he used to he was protecting her from any harm.

Leaning her head against Brian's shoulder her eyes looking up at his filled with love, she had never loved anyone as much as she loved Brian, the love she felt for him scared her sometimes her feelings were so strong, she knew their jobs were dangerous and the thought of something happening to him scared her, scared that she would be left along to raise their kids never be able to hold him again.

"I love you so much Brian" her words coming out barely a whisper

Kissing the top of her head "I love you too babe"

His eyes full of concern he could see her trying to get comfortable the worry in her eyes "you ok Liv"

Nodding at Brian "this next 10 weeks are not going to be fun, my back is already starting to get sore" reaching out touching his chin "I wouldn't change it for anything though, in 9 weeks or so we're going to be parents Bri, do you think we're ready for that"

His arm around her squeezing her shoulders "Liv, you've been ready to be a mom from the day I met you, and even more over the years it is what you've always wanted. You are going to be an amazing mom"

Smiling up at him "what about you Brian"

"I'm more than ready Liv, scared that soon there is going to be two little people who are totally dependent on us for everything and that we created them but I can't wait to see them. I know at one stage I wasn't too sure about starting a family but now I can't imagine our life as anything else"

Leaning over her lips meeting his gently "you are going to be a wonderful father"

OOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Carrying their suitcases inside he could see the effort it was taking Olivia walking "do you want me to take you to the doctors Liv?"

Shaking her head "I'll be fine Bri, I might have a bath shortly to see if that helps it was just the flight I think and sitting for so long"

She could see the worry in his eyes "it's to be expected I'm huge now with the twins and it is just putting pressure on my back"

Putting the cases inside the bedroom "I'll run you a bath then give your back a massage"

Watching Brian move around a huge smile on her face she had no idea how lucky she became watching as he comes out of the bathroom wrapping her arms around him "I don't know what I'd do without you"

Kissing the top of her head "you'll never have to find out, go and have your bath"

The water soothing over her body feeling her body relax in the bath closing her eyes she could hear Brian walking around the apartment her thoughts drifting back to just over a year ago when they were hooking up to when Brian and her decided to move in together, she wanted to get out of her apartment after William Lewis and Brian's lease was up on his apartment it just seemed right to move in together the first few months were totally bliss before he started working for IA and she became the Sergeant and in command of SVU but finally their life was back on track they were at a great place she was expecting their first child and now engaged she was marrying the man she was so in love with.

The towel just fitting around her body as she makes the way towards the bedroom picking up her night shirt, the shirt that was Brian's that had his scent on it slipping it on every time she wore it it reminded her of Brian.

Feeling Brian's hands moving around her back it felt good and what she needed his touch gentle "that feels so good babe"

Looking down at Olivia's naked body in front of him, his hands moving around her back her skin so soft his hands gliding around her body, even pregnant she was perfect his hands moving down to her bum before making their way up again, moving around her back and down her arms. His hands moving underneath her to her breasts massaging them before moving back down her back, the hunger was in his eyes he wanted to devour her, he would never get enough of her or ever grow tire of looking at her.

Turning around on her back grabbing his shirt pulling him closer to her, unzipping his pants before pulling them down her eyes moving up to his, she knew what he liked, she could see his eyes closing over as her hands move up and down his cock, her eyes moving up to meet his as her mouth slowly encases it her mouth and lips moving around it before her mouth fully encases it.

She could feel him harden and at the point of coming moving her mouth slightlyaway using her hand to finish it off, as the liquid squirts into her mouth as her arms wrap around his neck pulling him his mouth towards her.

His mouth moving down her body sucking her breasts as he makes his way down her body, his tongue moving around it feeling his hands squeezing her thigh parting he legs slightly as his mouth and tongue move around moving her head backwards her hands gripping his hair.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo

She had put the ring around her neck on a necklace during the day she wanted the whole world to know but they had agreed to go out for drinks with everyone, and tell them there.

Walking into the pub Brian's hand on her back it wasn't long before she saw them all, Fin, Nick, Melinda, Munch, Amanda and a few of Brian's friends from IA.

After seeing everyone had drinks and the champagne bottles near by clicking their glasses seeing all eyes turned upon them "Liv and I have an announcement to make"

Seeing all eyes looking at them expectantly, his arm around her waist "as you all know we went away recently for a few days to the Caribbean, whilst we were there, I asked Liv to marry me"

Her eyes looking up at Brian "I said yes, we're engaged"

Her hand coming out as Nick comes up wrapping her in a hug "I'm so happy for you Liv" glancing at Cassidy "I can see how happy he makes you"

"I'm so happy for you Liv, you deserve it" as Fin shakes Brian's hand

Mingling with all the guests, his hand protectively on her back when he was near her looking up as Melinda and Amanda walk near "any date for the wedding yet"

Her eyes darting to Brian shaking her head "not yet some time after the babies are born"

Feeling Munch's arms around her she had missed him "better make it soon before you or he change you mind"

Hearing Brian's voice feeling his arms around her waist "no chance there Munchie Munch I'm never letting Liv go now, she mightn't agree again, got her at a moment of weakness"

Stroking his face "yeah around food I agree to anything" patting her stomach "these babies are constantly hungry"

Her hand moving to his waist "he's stuck with me now and forever"

Kissing the top of her head "I wouldn't have it any other way"

A smile on her face as she watches Nick shake Brian's hand "You're one lucky guy Cassidy, Liv is a great person"

"you're telling me, I am lucky"

OoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo

Walking back into SVU at the end of the day her back and ankles starting to hurt she didn't want to admit it but now at 33 weeks she didn't think she could go out on the jobs anymore she didn't want to put Nick's life in danger, he needed a partner that was able to back him up be there for him, now each time she went out on a job she wondered what was going to happen.

Turning around to look at Nick "you're a good partner Nick"

"so are you Liv, I'm going to miss you when you go on maternity leave"

Sitting down at her desk looking up at him "it might be sooner than that, you need someone who is there for you Nick I'm not able to do that for you, you're looking over your shoulder at me all the time"

Looking up from his paperwork "I trust you Liv, I always have You might be slowing down but I know you have my back"

Tilting her head sideways "Nick I appreciate you saying that but we both know that I can't run properly anymore what if you need backup or someone with you, I'm risking your life both of our lives here and I can't do that to you, I'm going to speak to Murphy."

He had seen the looks Olivia had on the job that she was now thinking about what happened if something happened to her, she had finally gotten her dream of becoming pregnant and their job was full of risks, each job they went out on now was a risk"

"I know I'm going to hate being confined to a desk but I can 'still go to the hospital and odd jobs I just can't risk your life Nick or the babies"

Seeing Olivia start to walk around the office "you ok Liv, want me to give you a life home"

Her hand on her back shaking her head "thanks Nick, I'm fine my back is just flaring up the pressure of the babies, in a way I can't wait for them to come"

"Cassidy looking after you"

"Nick, Cassidy is great he is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time, I know you don't think much of him he has been there for me through Lewis, through this I don't know what I'd do without him I wish you would give him a chance, he's going to be part of my life now and forever that's not going to change"

He hated to admit it but he had seen them together and how much he loved her and also sleeping on her couch he had heard her in the night and Brian's whispers to her, he hated the fact that the worse times in his life he was around and part of it "I can see how much he makes you happy Liv, if you need anything let me know I'm here for you"

Smiling up at him "I know Nick, I appreciate everything you have done more than you know, how you treated me normally after all the William Lewis thing between you and Brian you both helped me through it all"

Turning to look at Lt Murphy's office she had to speak to him as much as she hated to admit it she needed to be more on desk duty or go out on some jobs only she wasn't going to risk her life, that of her babies or Nick's or the squad who had become her family.

Watching Olivia walk into the station he had stayed back to talk to her, opening the door "Sergeant a word?"

Closing the door of the office turning around to face Lt Murphy "You beat me to it, I was going to speak to you before I left or tomorrow"

Biting his lips he looked nervous "Sergeant I wish I didn't have to tell you this, I've just found out, there is something you need to know"

Her eyes moving around his office she was starting to get worried "is it about Brian, did something happen to him?"

The look he was giving her was scaring her and him not saying anything had something happened to Brian, she could feel her heart beating faster she was scared the look on his face worrying her "just tell me"


	15. Chapter 15

_**Thank you for the reviews, hope you continue to enjoy it.**_

_**Here is the next chapter, enjoy **_

_**If you want the updates I put them on igothookedonbensidy suzywinn on twitter **_

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo

Seeing the fear on Olivia's face "It has nothing to do with Brian Liv, he is fine it is about William Lewis"

Her eyes opening wider she had wanted and tried to forget to put him behind her it was almost a year since she had been kidnapped and tortured and assaulted by him she had been thinking about it, she had tried to forget and put it behind her but it was still there, trying to slow her breathing down and remaining calm this can't be happening.

"I'm sorry Liv, he is appealing his sentence and it is being reviewed"

Trying to focus on what he is saying pacing the room "what, why, no no no, what grounds is he appealing on. They found him guilty of kidnapping a police officer and assault"

Turning to see the door opening and Barba coming in shaking her head "no this is not happening, I had to face him cross examining me in the trial the jury found him guilty he was sentence to a minimum 25 years in jail, why now"

Her voice rising "he he knows it is coming up to a year it is his way of trying to get to me it isn't going to work this time, no no no" pointing to her head "he is trying to get into my head NO NO"

Looking up at Barba "how can he even appeal, why are they letting him there is no new evidence"

He hated doing this to Olivia he was one who knew exactly what she had been through the minor details she had to tell him "he is using police brutality"

Raising her eyes at him her mind going back to the trial "police brutality, they found him guilty of assaulting me and kidnapping what does that have to do with it?"

"the jurors wanted it on the record that even though they found him guilty that the force used by Detective Benson was uncalled for and there was some debate about your assaulting him and he was restrained, he is trying to get the case reopened"

Her eyes moving upwards her mind going back to the beating she gave Lewis "he had broken free of his restraints and I did what I had to do to subdue him"

"Liv the problem is that you and him were the only witness to that and it is his word against yours, they found him guilty once and I am going against the appeal but his new lawyer is bringing it before the grand jury, the injuries caused to him were severe and he is claiming what you did to him was police brutality and that you had a vendetta against him"

Shaking her head closing her eyes she can hear the gun shot of the officer, being forced to watch him rape Mrs Mayer "you saw what he did to Mrs Mayer, that police officer, Mr Mayer, how do these people keep defending him, trying to prove his innocence he kept me hostage for 4 days, he broke into my house and assaulted me for 4 days, there were photos of what he did, why are they letting this happen"

Leaning against the desk getting her breathing under control "I can't go through this again not now I am 33 weeks pregnant"

"Liv I am going to do everything I can to fight this, but you are strong, you came through it once and you will again, you are a strong person and can do this. Mrs Mayer's trial is starting in a few weeks time"

Rubbing her hand over her face the memories she had wanted to surpress coming back the gunshot "killing the police officer how did he get away with only 10 years there, he shot him in cold blood"

"Liv there were no witnesses it was your gun he used, both your finger prints on the gun, you only heard a gunshot"

Turning to face them both "maybe I should of taken the deal that he raped me and sodomised me then he would have been in jail for life"

"I don't think he will get the appeal Liv, but I will be fighting against it with everything" picking up his bag "I will let you know in the next couple of days"

Watching as Barba walks out Lt Murphy turning to Olivia "take the next couple of days off Liv, go home spend it with Brian or getting ready for this baby, if you come here I will have you arrested"

Looking up at Murphy as much as she didn't want to go home she wanted to work she knew her mind would be elsewhere, nodding at Murphy

OOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo

He could hear Olivia yelling in the office and Barba arrive, turning to look at Amanda and Fin he could see the confusion on their faces too "anyone know what is going on?"

He could pick up bits and pieces of Oliviá's yelling even with the door closed he was worried about his partner

Watching as Barba comes out walking past them all without a word before the door opens, seeing Murphy at the door hearing "Amaro, Rollins and Fin" his eyes go to Olivia as she makes her way out he could see that she isn't alright far from it. Torn between helping his partner and going into Murphy's office he watches as she sits at her desk.

Turning to the fellow officers "Lewis has appealed his sentence and is asking for an appeal"

His eyes turning towards his partner it all making sense now "they're not going to give it to him?"

"what is he appealing, he was sentence for 25 years for assault and kidnapping, what grounds is he appealing on?"

His eyes towards Rollins "police brutality, that the force Sergeant Benson used was excessive and caused him permanent damage"

"she did what she had to do to subdue him"

Looking at Fin "none of us where there when it happened, all they have is Sergeant Benson's word and William Lewis"

"you weren't there Lt Murphy and we were, you didn't see what he did to Liv and the other people along the way, Liv did what she had to do to survive"

"I appreciate your loyalty towards your partner Amaro, Lewis is saying he was handcuffed when Sergeant Benson beat him and that only one or two strikes were necessary not fracturing his orbitual socket, his kneecap and the other injuries she caused, she should of killed him when she had the chance but now he is appealing, I wasn't here last time but it is going to be a hard time again on Olivia, this and her pregnancy she will need the full support of everyone, IA will be taking you statements again if you are wanting to help her just tell the truth and that is all"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo

Putting her hands on the sink in the bathroom looking into the mirror her mind flashing back to the beach house, Lewis helping her to the toilet having to pull down her pants whilst she goes standing there, she half expected him to rape her then but no he wanted her to beg for her life the gun in her mouth "I want to live I'll do anything" those words he had wanted to hear all along her begging for her life the feel of his hands on her belt that is what he wanted her to beg for him to rape her, the feel of his lips on hers each time he kissed her she couldn't help but cry, her eyes trying to not show fear. Lying on the bed her hands tied as he is next to her "you're not making it out of here alive"

Thumping the basin blinking back the tears he had gotten to her then, he wasn't going to get to her again she had to be strong, instead she wanted to fall apart to cry to let it all out, she wasn't going to let him win not now.

Walking out picking up her bag seeing the concern on Nick's face "You ok Liv'

Shaking her head "no, I'm going to get out of here"

Picking up his coat "I'll walk you home"

"I'm ok to get home Nick"

"Liv, no you're not, I'll walk you home and if Cassidy isn't there I'll wait for him"

Smiling up at him "I appreciate it Nick but I just need to be by myself he's still in jail Nick he can't get me"

Watching Olivia walk out she was one of the strongest person he knew she had come through it all once would this bring it all back, even if it was just an appeal it was his way of getting to her, getting inside her head.

Racing up the stairs to SVU he had been told by Tucker the news, it was one investigation he was grateful not to be part of, it was a risk that no one was willing to take. He as Olivia's partner finance was not taking part in any of it they didn't want another mistrial against him.

He hoped that Olivia was still here, he could only imagine what she would be like hearing the news, he knew better than anyone the toll Lewis took on her the weeks after the assault and during the trial. It was worse now she was pregnant that she not only had herself to think about but the unborn babies, she was not allowed to have the stress and he knew this would be causing her more stress than anything.

Looking around the squad room seeing Amaro there "Where's Liv?"

His eyes on Cassidy he gathered he had heard about Lewis "she heard about Lewis and left a short while ago, she was going home"

"you just let her go home by herself?"

There were times he wanted to punch Cassidy "I offered to walk her home, but she wanted to be by herself, she will be ok Cassidy. Murphy gave her a couple of days off"

Shaking his head at Amaro as much as Olivia thought he was a good partner there were times he wondered "she shouldn't be by herself"

Watching Cassidy hurry out as much as he disliked the guy the love he had for his partner was evident and despite his worry he felt better knowing that Olivia had someone there for her.

Hurrying towards the apartment as strong as Olivia is, he knew she wouldn't be okay on the outside she might put up a brave face but she wouldn't be the PTSD would flare up he knew it was coming up to a year since it all started it was the moment of clarity that he knew he didn't want to lose her, the time he stepped up as a boyfriend and helped her through those few weeks, the nightmares. How could they even let him appeal it wasn't the first time he wished Olivia had killed him, the trial took a lot out of her and here again she could face him again

Walking into the apartment what if Lewis won his appeal, what if he got out early, what if he got a mistrial like he had previously and got out of prison the thought terrified her, she knew what he did to her and what he did to others, he would be out for revenge, those four days were worse than when she went undercover in the prison, she feared for her life closing her eyes she could feel him next to her his lips on her bare skin or on her mouth, him whispering "you're not getting out of here alive, she didn't want to give in but she was beginning to wonder at time if she would get out alive, if he would rape her. She was at his mercy for days being forced fed alcohol, drugs relying on him for everything including going to the toilet, the memories were fading but she could never surpress them there were triggers that set them off.

She would never forget walking into her apartment and having the gun pointed at her, why didn't she draw her gun, why did she freeze, her body now recovered from the burn, cuts and other torture he did to her.

Hearing the front door rattle bringing her back to the present drawing her gun from the holster attached to her pants, aiming it at the front door as it opens.

Opening the front door seeing Olivia there the gun aimed at him, it wasn't the first time it had happened, just before his trial he had walked out of the bedroom, putting his hands up slightly "Liv it's me Brian, Liv"

Walking slowly towards her his hands in front of him he could see her eyes just looking at him not focused reaching slowly out to her "Liv let me take the gun, its okay it's me Brian"

Her eyes looking up slowly coming back to focus on the figure in front of her seeing Brian hold out his hand his movements on purpose as not to startle her, she had done it again she had let the fear of Lewis let her pull the gun on her own boyfriend, slowly letting Brian take the gun out of her hand her voice barely audible so soft a whisper "I'm so sorry Brian"

Feeling his arms pull her towards him wrapping her in a hug "it's ok Liv, it's Ok"

Wrapping her arms around him "I'm so sorry" she had let Lewis get to her again he was getting back inside her head, he knew it was a year ago she was sure of it, that he wanted to get to her and she was letting him succeed.

He was getting to her again whatever he did to her during those four days he wondered if she would ever really get over it, would she ever forget what he did he wished she would open up so he had an idea instead he could only imagine what she went had to endure

Letting Brian lead her over to the couch she was shaking, it was only an appeal it wasn't like he was getting out or had escaped she wouldn't put anything past him what if the judge did grant him a retrial would she be so lucky next time would he win, he had the power to take away everything if she was found guilty of perjury or police brutality

Feeling his arms around her "Liv, he can't hurt you"

Looking up at him "I'm letting him get inside my head, those images are coming back its never going away, what if he gets another trial, what if it is a mistrial again they have let him off so many times I can't do it again I can't face him again"

Cupping her face in his hands "Liv you will get through this, Barba is fighting against it, you know who hard it is to get a review. I wish you would just open up to me"

Moving away from him getting up off the couch "please Brian, don't, don't ask me to go through it, the images I don't want to relive it again I don't want to go there again. The things he made me see, the gun shot I could hear, then the beach house"

Her voice rising going into her own world "he made me beg for my life, beg for me to do anything to live I thought I was going to be raped and die, I can't go back there I just can't. I have so much more to lose now and I bet he knows that"

Feeling Brian's arms wrap around her drawing her close turning around to face him looking up into his caring face "what I'm scared of Bri is that he will get a mistrial and get out and come after you and the people I care about to get to me"

Stroking Olivia's face "we won't let that happen babe, there are so many people who love you and want to protect you, one of which is me the most"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Lying on the hard mattress a smile on his face how he wished he could see her reaction at the news, he had waited and had it planned he still remembered one year ago standing there holding a gun to her head when she walked through the door the four days that followed she was the one person who did what so many people had tried before, she was the one person who he couldn't charm the one person whom he hadn't gotten too Olivia Benson was the one person who had could not break completely .

He had thought he had gotten off at the trial the first two not guilty then that guilty he had never heard that before he was sure he could charm them all but no she had won, there will still doubts but Sergeant Benson had done what no one else had and he admired her for that, he always knew there was something special about her that she was different from all his other victims even towards the end she was still bargaining with him, then she did it, she made him the one to suffer that he was the one to live with the reminder of her for the rest of his life.

The fact that she had moved on with her life made the revenge he had planned all that much better. He had heard that Sergeant Benson was pregnant and engaged this was a fact that delighted him it gave him leverage to use against her. The only one of his victims that had been able to move on with her life, all the others he had changed their life for the better he had read the victim statement how they couldn't move on, how they looked over the shoulders constantly, going to therapy. The sadistic grin on his face, she was the one who had moved on he had tried to break her and failed but the next time he wouldn't fail he had all this time to plan for it and this was only the beginning. He could only imagine her reaction at the moment he was sure she had the good news about the appeal, the trial he still couldn't get to her she remained strong the whole time he yelled and questioned her, her eyes were upon him the whole time, ignoring that cop boyfriend of hers, the fact that they were still together and engaged a bonus.

This time was going to be better as this time she had more to lose a financee but more importantly the baby she would do anything, beg for her life this time she would get what she deserved and this time she would be begging for her life and for him to do anything to spare the ones she loved.

His hands above his head lying on the bed, this was only the beginning Sergeant Benson had it coming to her, and he couldn't wait to see her again. Sergeant Benson was the first person who had put William Lewis behind bars, despite trying to break her he she had gotten the upper hand and permanently scarred him for life crippling him, making him deaf and partially blind, his revenge will be oh so sweet and if she thought those four days were hell this time he would break her even if he had to use Brian Cassidy or her child. She was going to submit to him and he was going to have all the power this time and show her that he was able to make her do anything he wanted. Olivia Benson wouldn't know what hit her this was only the beginning by the time he was finished with her she would be totally humiliated, degraded and he would have total control over her, she was going to do anything he wanted and this time she would be begging him to and there would be no escape for her.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo

_**A/N – I wasn't going to even put William Lewis in it but have been watching too much Beast's Obsession and Surrender Benson and a lot about how it has been a year. Not sure where it will go as of yet, have some ideas. **_

_**I could not kill off Brian Cassidy as that is no more Bensidy and I love Bensidy **_


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