Hunger Games 1. Chapter 1

A/N - My second ever fanfiction, I'm really excited for this one. I don't own anything from the Hunger Games, and I hope you enjoy this as much as I'm going to write it. I rated it M, but I'm not really sure how it will turn out, I just felt that with my last work I was restricted by the T rating. I might change it back, I don't know, I have a general idea for how this turns out, I'm thinking it's going to be pretty dark, but plans always change.

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Chapter 1

When her father died in the mine accident eleven year old Katniss did everything that she could to save her mother and sister. She tried to ration the meager grievance pay the capital provided, she thought they could make it to her birthday, but the winter was just too hard. Prim was too small, too fragile and Katniss provided for her as best as she could. She sold everything, anything that was worth a scrap of value to help feed the little sister she loved so much, but every scrap that she gave to her sister, her sister saved as much as she could to give to their mother. Prim just wanted her mother to wake up, to acknowledge them. When Katniss was out foraging for anything to trade to food, Prim stayed by their mothers side, willing her to wake up and love them again, to realize that she still had two daughters to care for. Prim in her weakening state became sick, she wasn't eating enough, and the food that was left for her mother went wasted, to the rats and mice and any other rodents and vermin who could get into their home through the floor boards that failed to keep out critters and snow and cold from coming into the tiny shack of a house.

That morning Katniss went out with Prim's bag of old used clothing was the morning that Prim looked the worst. She needed food; she needed medicine, medicine that her mother could easily make if she would just wake up, if only she would snap out of the depression that consumed her so entirely she couldn't even look at her own daughters, if only she could see what was happening to Prim, maybe that would help. So when she left she made sure Prim was snuggled against their mother, for warmth and love.

When she crumpled defeated under that old apple tree and the bakers son threw the bread to her he watched the girl that he had loved since that first fateful day in kindergarten, he watched the disbelief on her face at the kindness that had just been shown to her. He watched her tuck the dampened bread into her jacket like a life line, wishing that there was more that he could do, even at eleven he could see how hopeless her situation had become.

Despite the growing welt on his face he went back inside. He didn't want to face his mother, he knew how much resentment that she carried towards the Everdeens, it wasn't fair, for her to hate Katniss and her sister for something that had happened between the adults so many years ago. He knew the story, of how Mrs. Everdeen had been engaged to his father, than ran away with Mr. Everdeen, the very man that his own mother had yearned for, but who only ever had eyes for the baker's girlfriend. So when Mr. and Mrs. Everdeen came together so too did his parents out of mutual heartbreak. Even after all these years he knew it was hard for his parents to see the Everdeen children, that it hurt to look at the very girls that resembled to them a lost future. The dark haired girl his mother wanted to have with Mr. Everdeen, the blonde one his father could see himself having with Mrs. Everdeen.

When he stepped into the back of the bakery out of the rain his mother was there, with a look on her face that said that she had seen what he did. She held out her arms, and Peeta stepped into his mother's embrace.

"They're dying mom, we need to do something. What I did wasn't just charity to Seam trash; I love that Everdeen girl, just like you loved her daddy." A young Peeta explained.

His mother nodded her head, sympathizing with her son, knowing how hard it is to shake the love of an Everdeen from your life. She tended to the wound on her son's face that she had put there, she was short fused, she knew, but this really had gone too far this time. She didn't mean to leave that mark on her son's face. At dinner that night she spoke of the act her son had done earlier that day to his father and brothers. Still feeling guilty about how she had hit Peeta earlier, and wanting to make up for it, she suggested they take a care package to the Everdeens. Some meat from the butcher, some bread, some milk. They could spare it, and his father agreed. Everyone had come across Katniss the past few months trying to trade worthless things for anything she could, and no one had seen Mrs. Everdeen in weeks. It was common gossip among the merchants that Mrs. Everdeen cae from, knowing that she chose this for herself but not preparing for the worst that could possibly happen.

In the end, only Peeta and his parents went to the Everdeen home. Peeta was so excited, he wanted to be Katniss' hero, he knocked on the door, but there was no answer. It looked as if no one was home. He knocked again; his parents looked at each other worriedly. He knocked one last time, this time he held his ear to the door, his mother protested, but he insisted he could hear something. He told them that it sounded like someone singing softly, but it could have also been someone crying from inside, he couldn't tell.

His father furrowed his brow and went to one of the windows and looked inside. Whatever he saw drained the color from his face; he raced to Peeta and took him a few yards from the tiny shack of a house.

"No matter what, don't come in, don't look, I'll get Katniss out but you stay here." His father said with urgency and panic in his voice. Peeta couldn't help it, he looked curiously over his father's shoulder and saw that his mother had also looked in the window and she cried out in shock and covered her mouth with her hands in disbelief. His father ran at the door and broke it open, both his parents ran inside. He could hear yelling and screaming and tears. Katniss was calling for Prim, refusing to leave; lamps were lit where they could be. Peeta couldn't help it. He ran to the door, no one was in the main room, we went to the closest bedroom, inside he saw Mrs. Everdeen on the only bed, her eyes open but not looking at anything anymore, she was so pale, a few small empty glass jars around her, next he ran to the other bedroom, the one whose window his parents had looked inside. He found his mother and father trying to comfort a hysterical Katniss who was holding tightly to Prim's lifeless body.

The sight was too much; he ran from the house and vomited in the yard. A young Peace Keeper with reddish hair who was walking by came upon him, asked what he was doing out so late at night alone. Peeta pointed to the house while trying to catch his breath, though his body was still being wracked by dry heaves, his stomach empty and nothing left to throw up. The Peace Keeper looked curiously towards the house, and then ran when he heard the horror coming from within.

From what they could gather before Katniss stopped talking completely and shut down from shock was that she had found Prim next to her mother. She told them about how sick Prim had been, the adults assumed that Mrs. Everdeen committed suicide when she realized that her youngest was dead, unable to cope with the loss of her husband and young daughter. Katniss ran home with the bread Peeta had given to her, eager to feed it to her sister, but instead had come home to both of the lifeless bodies within, and dragged her sisters body from her mother who Katniss felt didn't deserve her daughter's comfort in death, she had done nothing in life to deserve it, and Katniss had been singing to her lifeless sister softly until the Mellarks came to the house and rescued the young girl from her torment.

They took her home to the bakery, everyone knew the horrors that awaited children who went to the community homes, and they agreed that Katniss had already experienced far too much. The Peace Keeper who was there that night did not object, allowing them to take her before the other Peace Keepers arrived. Peeta gave up his bed, sleeping on the floor in the family room. Mrs. Mellark stayed up all that night with Katniss, and in that night something within Peeta's mother changed, after seeing the horrors of what this young girl had gone through, she vowed internally to never let her children go unloved, unappreciated, that night opened her eyes to just how far children will go for their parents. She was determined to be worthy of her own children's love, she knew she had fallen short of that so far.

When they brought Katniss home to the apartment above the bakery she wouldn't speak, she wouldn't eat or drink. They gave her food; they would place it on a plate and leave it on the bed beside her. Despite being merchant folk, the Mellarks didn't have much. Their apartment had three bedrooms, one of which was hardly bigger than a small storage closet, which is what it was being used for, to hold surplus bags of flour and other ingredients. The morning after Katniss had arrived Peeta and his oldest brother Graham helped his mother empty it and Peeta gave up his small cot for Katniss, opting to sleep in his room on the floor until something else could be arranged, if ever, it was hard to come across furniture in District 12. They moved Katniss to the cot in the room that afternoon once it was finished; she was still catatonic, just staring into space.

Peeta was worried for her, the images of her lifeless mother and sister on his mind would be burned there forever, he couldn't imagine what Katniss had to be feeling, and she had been there alone for hours, lost in her own mind. He looked at the room; she had come to them with nothing. He knew how this world worked, he would need to act fast, he raced out of the bakery, knowing that the bodies had probably already been removed; the home would be cleaned out shortly and issued to a new family within a few days. When he got to the shack that had been the Everdeen's home he hesitated for a moment to gather his courage and shake the images from his mind before going inside. He looked around and found the empty game bag that he had seen Mr. Everdeen come to the bakery door with whenever he traded squirrels for bread with Peeta's father. On the back of a chair was the large leather jacket that Katniss had been wearing in the rain the day before, he stuffed it into the bag, along with a picture of her father and mother on their wedding day, and a family picture that must have been taken when Prim was still a toddler. He found a book of plants that he thought she might like to keep, it was the only book in the house so it must have been important. He tried to see if there was anything else in the house that would be important to Katniss, the only thing he could think of was to get a few items of her clothing. As he was walking home he came across a small pile of charcoal embers, he picked out a few that looked promising.

When he got home, he took a piece of paper from the sketch book that his father used draw cake designs, and a fresh warm cheese bun from the cooling rack in the back of the bakery. He went to Katniss' room, put the fresh bun beside her, and removed the contents of the game bag where he thought Katniss might be able to see them. Then he sat beside her on the floor next the bed, and began to talk to her, and began to draw.

"Katniss, I know you don't know us very well, but I promise, we will keep you safe." Peeta began to draw with the bits of coal. "I saw everything yesterday, I had nightmares from it last night, and I know that you probably see the nightmares when you aren't even sleeping. I bet you can see them right now, it's not something any of us will ever forget." He sat next to her and drew silently for a long time.

He was concentrating on his work, it was dark outside before he spoke again. "I'm not very good yet, but I will be one day. I'll keep practicing until I get it perfect for you Katniss." He turned the paper to her, only her eyes moved to the paper to see a rough sketch of her and Prim looking through the bakery window at the cake displays. Peeta had seen them there countless times. A few tears escaped her eyes. "Please eat Katniss, if she saw you this way you know she'd do it all again, but for you this time. I'm not going to eat until you do, don't waste it." Peeta begged.

She sat up slowly, took the picture from him and examined it through a tear stained face, she reached for the now cooled bun and took a bite. She asked for some water, and Peeta ran to get it for her, and she drank from the glass that he handed to her. When she finished eating half the bun she handed it to Peeta who ate the other half, knowing that she intended to share it with him. She lay back down and continued to cry silently, but it was progress and Peeta was happy that she had done that much. He looked to the doorway seeing that his father and mother were looking at them with a hopeful expression; they had been checking in on Katniss all day, but it seemed that their son had found a way to communicate with Katniss, they looked relieved that she was showing a bit of progress. It was going to be a long process to get Katniss back to life.

He stayed with her all that night, sleeping on the floor next to Katniss' cot, at some point in the night Katniss' hand found its way into his.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next morning when Katniss woke up Peeta was gone. She felt sad, it had been so comforting to just have him with her the night before. Somehow Peeta knew when the nightmares were more than she could bare and would shake her awake and talk until she fell back asleep again.

That morning she stayed in bed, this was the second morning she woke up without her sister in this world. She felt a crippling guilt at the fact that she felt that Prim might just be better off, she had been suffering so badly those last few days, at least she wasn't in pain anymore, the relief was a kind of vicious cycle, because it immediately brought on a new wave of guilt to think such a thing. Her heart and stomach hurt so badly, she curved into herself in a sort of pained fetal position. Her lips were so chapped and dry, she was so thirsty, and her eyes wouldn't cry anymore. The word dehydration came to mind just as Mr. Mellark brought in a fresh glass of water and set it on the floor beside her along with a cookie. When he left the room she couldn't help herself, it was too uncomfortable to be this thirsty, she drank from the glass greedily, and when she was finished she picked up and inspected the cookie. Prim would have loved it, it was a plain sugar cookie with a bit of green frosting on it, and Katniss put it back on the plate. She lay back on the cot staring at the ceiling, aware of Mr. And Mrs. Mellark's presence throughout the day, they came in, seeing that she drank the water but had not eaten the cookie, so they'd sided it was best to leave her a glass of water about every hour or so. They seemed to be giving her space and time to come around.

In the afternoon she heard Peeta and his brothers come home from school. There were the sounds of footsteps and loud voices. Then the door to her room flew open, Peeta came inside with a brown paper bag and another glass of water.

"Wow, mom and dad left you a cookie? They must like you; we hardly ever get cookies, especially fresh ones." Peeta commented as he emptied the contents of his brown paper bag. "Sorry, my mom said that it wasn't healthy for me to stay home and that I should go back to school to get my mind off of things. I would have stayed here with you, but I promise you, I haven't eaten at all since I ate the cheese bun with you yesterday. I'm sticking to it Katniss, we're in this together." He kept talking as he laid out a cheese sandwich and an apple from the bag. "This was the lunch that my dad packed for me this morning. I saved it for us." Peeta said once the food was laid out on the paper bag and placed on the bed. He looked at it hungrily before getting out his school notebook and began to start a new charcoal sketch drawing, "My birthday is coming up next week. I'm going to be twelve. It's my first year for the reaping. Will you be twelve before or after the reaping this year?" Peeta asked without looking up from his sketch not really expecting an answer. "Before all of this happened the reaping is what my nightmares were about." He said somewhat sadly. It was quiet for a few minutes, except for the rumbling coming from Peeta's stomach, which was not quite as used to being hungry like Katniss' was.

Katniss sat up slowly and reached for the sandwich. "My birthday is in May, I'll be twelve before the reaping too." Katniss said before eating half the sandwich, and then handed the other half to Peeta who ate it happily. They also shared the apple, but he went and got his own glass of water. She picked up the cookie that had been left for her that morning and broke it in half and gave one of the halves to Peeta who refused it, saying that it was meant for her. She shrugged her shoulders and put her half of the cookie back on the plate and laid back down on the cot, Peeta furrowed his brow, seeing that she wouldn't eat the cookie unless he did.

"Together, we'll eat it together." Peeta said handing Katniss her half. After they ate the food he had to go help downstairs in the bakery, which left Katniss to continue to grieve in her room.

Later she could smell the delicious food that was being prepared for the Mellark's dinner. Peeta came to her room to tell her to come out to eat, but she remained in bed. She could hear his parents begging him to eat, but he refused saying that he wouldn't eat until Katniss came out to eat as well. She sighed and got up, found some different clothes to put on from the pile that Peeta had brought from her house, washed up as best she could using the towels and basin Mrs. Mellark had left in her room for her earlier that day. She brushed and braided her hair, as much as she hated her mother for what had happened she had always told Katniss to be as presentable as possible when invited to dinner, not that it had ever happened until now. But the Mellark's had been very kind to her, and it seemed rude to go to their dinner table looking like a wild feral child.

When she stepped out of her room and the Mellark's noticed her in the doorway they all fell silent. She thought for a moment about running back to bed, but Peeta seemed to see the fear on her face at being the centre of attention. He turned around and quickly began to tease his brother Rye about seeing him kissing one of the girls at school. Rye seemed embarrassed and denied it, which earned more teasing from Graham. His mother began to question him about the girl, and soon the dinner conversation turned to Rye as centre of attention.

Katniss walked towards the table and sat in the empty chair beside Peeta, he then silently slid his dinner plate on front of her, it was untouched. She ate precisely half of the potatoes, half of the meat, and half of the small amount of carrots then slid the plate back to Peeta to finish. For dessert they had some kind of apple pastry that was very stale, but being one of the only desserts Katniss had ever had was still incredibly delicious. After dinner she silently helped Mrs. Mellark clean the dishes, then on her way back to her room she stopped to watch Peeta and his brothers wrestling on the floor. Peeta was losing, being by far the smallest, but somehow still appeared to be having fun.

Later that night Mr. and Mrs. Mellark came to her room and told her that they had found out that her mother and sister had been buried in the district cemetery that morning, and that if she would like to go visit their graves the next day that they would go with her. With a heavy heart and more tears threatening to spill from her eyes she nodded her head that she would like to go, then turned away from the adults to face the wall.

All that night, every time she cried out and awoke from a nightmare Peeta was there to wake her and talk her back to sleep, just as he did the night before.

The next day, when Peeta and his brothers returned home from school he split his uneaten lunch with Katniss just as he did the day before, and the whole family went with Katniss to visit her family's graves. Her father, mother, and Prim's graves were all next to each other. In this moment she tried to imagine her family as it had been, before her mother had given up, when she was still good and warm and loving, she collapsed and cried for the family she had lost. Her family was all gone, she was the only one left, and somehow she wished she could join them so they could be as they were. Before her father had died, despite the poverty they lived in, she wouldn't have changed a thing. They were happy, now here lay her father mother and sister, they'd left her behind.

Peeta got on his knees next to her and put his hand on her shoulder, she looked at him, into his clear blue eyes that held all the sympathy that they could for her. She looked down and saw a dandelion, somehow it made her feel hopeful, and then she looked to the rest of the Mellarks. All crying tears of sympathy for her, she gave them the best smile she could, given the situation. She stood and let Mrs. Mellark embrace her and Mr. Mellark took her hand and patted it gently, she allowed them to comfort her.

"I know everything seems bleak now, but things will get better, they'll never be the same, but it'll get better in its own way." Mr. Mellark said to her quietly.

After a while, time did begin to move for Katniss. They began to fall into a sort of routine. She stayed in bed all day until Peeta came home, then he could come to her room, share his uneaten lunch, and then she would help Peeta or one if his brothers or Mrs. Mellark prepare dinner while the others were cleaning and closing the bakery downstairs. Mr. and Mrs. Mellark didn't push Katniss to go back to school like they did with Peeta, seeing that the best approach with Katniss is to just give her time and space and she'll come around on her own. She continued to share her meals with Peeta, feeling guilty at noticing how far they had to stretch their meals for another child they hadn't been accounting for up to this point and that it seemed that Peeta was the one to take the compromise most directly, though he didn't seem to mind. He seemed to like sharing his meals with Katniss and she enjoyed listening to him talk about his day.

The morning of Peeta's birthday after he left for school was the first day that she went downstairs to the bakery. Mr. and Mrs. Mellark fell silent at the sight of her. She asked them if she could make a cake as a present for Peeta's birthday. Mr. Mellark said that was a great idea and that he would help. She was hopeless at baking; the cake came out burnt and messy as she made the mistake of insisting she do as much as she could herself. But Mr. Mellark's expert decorating made it look like a masterpiece in spite of her amateur effort under the icing.

Peeta was really excited when he came home; they had a really nice family dinner. His present from his parents was a new used cot that someone had offered to sell to them when the other merchant people heard what had happened and how the Mellarks had taken Katniss in. Katniss presented the cake, it was chocolate, and everyone insisted it was delicious, but she couldn't help but notice that some of the more burnt edges of the cake were pushed to the sides of everyone's plates. Later that night after Peeta woke her from another nightmare and he was chatting to her quietly she interrupted him when she whispered "I'm sorry I burnt your cake."

Peeta just smiled at her, "That was the best birthday cake ever, it's the first one I've ever had on my birthday that wasn't stale. It was delicious."

"I also ate a piece of chocolate that your dad gave to me while we were baking it; I didn't save you a piece. I'm sorry; it was so good I ate the whole thing myself." Katniss admitted guiltily.

This made Peeta laugh quite loudly, he usually came to her without waking anyone else, but through his laughter Katniss couldn't help but giggle a bit herself.

She went to school the next day, Mr. Mellark had packed her a brown bag of lunch. It was the first meal that she and Peeta ate separately since she had come to live with the Mellarks. She didn't sit with him at lunch, she never did before and she was terribly shy, but she still sat with Madge Undersee. They ate quietly together; the only words passing between them were when Madge said she was sorry to hear about what had happened to her mother and sister.

Katniss was determined to pull her own weight at the bakery, seeing how early all of the Mellarks woke every morning, the boys helping their parents move ingredients, or with the baking of the breads or the cleaning. She tried to help the boys move the sacks of flour to where they needed them to be, from the delivery train to the bakery to the storage rooms. The fact was that the boys had been building the muscles to do this for years, and even Peeta could easily lift the heavier bags of flour, Katniss just felt like she was in the way. Mr. and Mrs. Mellark encouraged Katniss to take up baking, but it was hopeless, she burned or forgot to add ingredients, or measured incorrectly. She felt like she was costing them money by ruining the large batches, if she ruined them it seemed that they didn't try again. Their bakery was tightly run, and if a batch was ruined it just didn't get sold that day, sometimes not for a few days after because they so tightly accounted for each ingredient they only ordered what was needed and based on the shelf life of each batch. The only thing she seemed to be able to help with was the cleaning, and even then, she tended to miss a corner here or there, somehow it just wasn't something she could do.

At dinner one night Mrs. Mellark was complaining about the price of meat the butcher was selling to them. Katniss knew where her father had hidden his bow and arrows in the forest, he had taught her how to hunt a bit, and she knew that this is what she could do to help. After school one day instead of meeting Peeta, Rye and Graham to go to the bakery she went to the woods. She found her father's bow and arrows right where she thought she would find them, in the hollowed out log where her father always placed them. She spent the afternoon reconnecting with the forest, spring was very much underway, it was her favourite time of the year. Everything was waking up after the harsh winter, it smelled so fresh, it was therapeutic to her, Katniss seemed to come alive again in the forest. She spent the afternoon practicing, shooting at the trees or other targets that she chose for herself. She ended up getting a nice fat rabbit, but it was kind of a bad shot and not a very clean kill. She hoped that the meat wasn't too damaged. She carried her kill back to the bakery in her father's game bag that she had brought to school with her. When she walked up to the bakery she found that it was closed, that worried her, the bakery was hardly ever closed. She ran to the back and let herself inside. She found Mrs. Mellark pacing worriedly and she let out a gasp of relief when she saw Katniss.

When she didn't meet the boys after school they began to worry, they went home to the bakery hoping that she had just gone home without them. When they didn't find her there Mr. Mellark took the boys out to find her, assuming that she had run away or worse. When the Mellark men returned home Mr. Mellark had a look of such relief, and he gave her a hug, it immediately made her feel guilty about not telling anyone where she had gone or her plans, even Graham and Rye were relieved. Mr. and Mrs. Mellark took her aside and Katniss explained where she had gone and that she felt that to her the woods were home and familiar and that she felt that it really helped her to go there, and also that she couldn't just allow the Mellarks to care for her without her pitching in to help, and this was her way of helping. She was hopeless at the bakery, but hunting was something she felt she could excel at. Katniss apologized, it had been a while since there was someone to worry about her that she just didn't think to tell anyone her plans.

Later that night after a nightmare and Peeta was again in her room she asked what his parents thought was worse than running away. He sighed deeply. "I think they thought you were going to do something like what your mother did to herself." He was silent for a few minutes, concentrating deeply before continuing, "You'll tell me right? If anything gets too bad for you? I don't know what I'd do without you anymore. My whole family seems better with you here, you fixed my mom and dad somehow. They weren't like this before you came here, they're better to all of us now. Graham and Rye can feel it too." Peeta said. "My mom is especially better, I think she needed a girl around."

In the morning Katniss rose before the dawn with the rest of the Mellarks, but instead of going to the bakery, she went to the woods. Over the next few weeks she taught herself to hunt, and she used her mother's book of plants to identify anything that would be edible so that she could gather it and take it to the Mellarks. When she went out after school she told either Graham, Rye, or Peeta when she was expecting to be back, and if she was out too late she found one of the boys waiting for her near the fence where she told them she would enter or exit the forest. She was nervous, but she gathered her courage and went to the Hob to trade her kill for things that she felt she or the Mellarks needed. She was proud of herself, and she could see that Mr. and Mrs. Mellark was as well.

Her birthday came, Mrs. Mellark took her around the merchant square getting her a few pieces of newer clothing, and most surprisingly a set of hunting boots from the shoe maker's. They were a very nice leather, that with some working in would be very good for her hunting trips. She became part of the family, she found she appreciated Mr. and Mrs. Mellark for worrying and caring for her. The first time she openly laughed was when she joined in a bit of horse play with the boys, she enjoyed herself for nearly an hour when she realized that she had momentarily stopped thinking of Prim and her Father and Mother. It brought on a new wave of guilt, as if she could forget about them so easily. She cried herself to sleep that night, afraid that she would forget about her family altogether. She shared her concern with Peeta when he came to her to wake her from one of her nightmares. He got a fresh piece of paper and asked her to describe to him a memory that she was afraid she would forget. He did his best and drew it for her as she described it, he told her if she ever became afraid of forgetting her family to let him know and he would draw it for her to keep it nearby, to never forget.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N - Ok, I think this is going to be my last set up chapter with Katniss and Peeta as twelve year olds. I just wanted to make sure I put in that one very important event that happens to Katniss that I could think of when she's twelve. As per one reviewer's request the next couple of chapters will be sufficiently fluffy, and hopefully it will bring us to THG by chapter 5. That's the plan anyway...

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Chapter 3

Katniss and Peeta's first reaping day came. The bakery was closed that morning, Mr. and Mrs. Mellark were particularly on edge that morning, for them, this year was the first year they had four children to worry about being reaped. The night before was the first night that Katniss had to wake Peeta from his own nightmares. They all dressed in her best clothes, Peeta had actually happened to bring an outfit that Katniss was sure that she would have worn to the reaping even if she hadn't come to live with the Mellarks. It was a blue skirt with a white collared blouse that was slightly too big for her and came untucked at the back and reminded her of a duck tail.

Everyone was quiet and on edge, Peeta was shaking, she wanted to assure him that the odds of him being reaped were very low, especially this year. She realized the odds were definitely more in her favour with this family then they would have been for her had she still had her mother and sister to care for. Both she and Peeta only had the one required entry, neither of them needed to take a tessera. They went to the square together as a family; Katniss and Peeta were able to walk together longer than anyone else, they separated at the boy-girl portion of their age group. Before they parted they looked into each other's eyes, Katniss couldn't help but be afraid for Peeta, but didn't allow herself to think of what would happen if his name was called.

They stood for the ceremony, no Mellark or Everdeen was reaped for the Hunger Games that day. Their family celebrated that night with fresh bread, and fresh desserts, and fresh game that Katniss had hunted just that very morning. That summer was a good one, Katniss was always improving on her hunting, getting better and better, her game hauls getting bigger. The merchants seemed to accept her, knowing that she was living with the Mellarks, some would comment that she was part merchant and it wasn't surprising that she would fit right in. These comments tended to irritate her and she would rebel against the person who said it by spitting or doing some other rude gesture that was more typical of "Seam folk". Mr. and Mrs. Mellark had started to take pride in the way Katniss had taken it upon herself to find her place in their family with her hunting. It helped them greatly, and Mr. Mellark struck a trade of his won for Katniss which involved her receiving lessons from the butcher on how to properly skin the different carcasses to take full advantage of the animal and have very little waste for all of her efforts. After the lessons Katniss continued to trade with the butcher, and she was becoming very good at trading in the Hob. When any of the Mellarks casually mentioned things that they needed she would find a way to get it from the Hob or one of the other merchants.

After the reaping there is no school until the fall to allow for time for the Hunger Games. There are so many days of required viewing that school is dismissed for two whole months beginning in July. This particular summer was very hot, to compensate the Mellarks would wake far earlier than normal to get as much baking done though the very early morning before the sun had a chance to rise and heat the District. It would get so unbearable in the bakery with the ovens on that even customers were weary of entering the bakery, so they tried whenever possible to not even have the ovens on when daylight broke.

The early baking and unlit ovens had positive consequences; because all of the work got done earlier it didn't require the Mellark boys to stay near the bakery as often. They were able to go out and play with their friends in a way that's not always possible during any other season. Katniss took this opportunity to bring them to the forest with her, to show them how to walk stealthily, what kind of plants and berries are edible, and she even let them shoot her bow. A few times the day was so hot that she took them to the lake that her father had shown her, she was a bit afraid to venture so far on her own and was thankful for the company, they spent the day letting Katniss teach them how to swim, they all had fun, she found that the Mellark brothers were able to give her a sense of security that she hadn't felt since her father had died.

One day when they were walking back from a day of swimming at the lake Graham affectionately put his arm around Katniss' shoulder and commented on how nice it was to have such a resourceful little sister. Katniss looked up at him in surprise and smiled at him, thinking how it might be nice to have a set of brothers.

"She's not our sister, don't call her that." Peeta said rather angrily. The four stopped walking, Katniss' stomach dropped in disappointment. "She's not our sister; I don't want to think of her that way."

"What, of course she's our sister. Don't be stupid Peet, what else would she be to us?" Graham asked.

"I don't know, but not our sister." Peeta said firmly.

Katniss didn't know what to think, she thought she had been accepted into the Mellark family. Katniss ran away from the boys, she was especially upset that it was Peeta who was refusing to accept that she was a part of their family. She didn't understand it from Peeta, he was the one who sat up with her every night she had a nightmare, he was the one who had been so kind for her, the more she thought of it, if it hadn't been for Peeta she didn't know if she would have survived everything that happened to her with her mother and Prim, he had been through that experience with her, had witnessed it for himself. He was one of the main reasons she came back to life, talking to her and making her laugh even when she didn't want to.

She ran to the bakery, up to her room, and stayed there. She was trying to think of what to do, she decided that maybe Peeta had been so nice to her because he thought that this was just a temporary thing, but she didn't have anywhere else to go. Katniss decided that she would run away to the woods and that she wouldn't stay where she wasn't wanted, she knew she could do it. She stayed in her room through dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Mellark came to check on her several times, she could hear them getting upset with Peeta, and Katniss was angry enough with him to just let his parents be angry with him.

He came into her room with plate of dinner; he placed it on the bed beside her and sat in his usual spot, on the floor next to the head of her bed. She had been laying down staring at the ceiling before for he came in and she didn't move to look at him as she normally would.

"I'm sorry that I made you upset." Peeta apologized in a way that didn't feel entirely sincere, and he was pouting a bit, this was entirely unlike Peeta, "but I'm not sorry for saying that I don't want people to think of you as my sister."

"I thought you liked me here, do you want me to leave? I will if that's what you want." Katniss said to the ceiling.

"What? You can't leave. Why would you think I want you to leave?" Peeta asked surprised.

Katniss turned to him confused. "You don't want your brothers to think of me as a sister, what am I supposed to think?"

Peeta thought for a moment, she had noticed that he did this a lot with her in particular. He was naturally funny, and kind, and sharp witted, but with her he always seemed to weigh his words carefully before saying them to her, especially when he was trying to be serious as he was now. "Well, I guess its fine for them to think of you as a sister." He got to his knees and faced her; Katniss sat up and looked at him, his piercing bright blue eyes looking into her stormy grey ones seemingly trying to communicate something to her that he wasn't sure how to voice out loud. "Katniss, listen, I don't like it that you are here, I love that you are here. I love that I get to talk to you every day, you fixed my family, we're better with you here, you are everything that I ever wanted, and that is the reason I don't want you or anyone else to consider you to be my sister. I don't want you to be my sister."

Katniss continued to look into his eyes, and suddenly the intensity in them brought about butterflies in her stomach and her heart seemed to skip a beat. They were young, but somehow she was able to read between the lines and know exactly what he meant. Peeta ran his hands through his ashy blond hair and sat down frustrated. "Please don't leave, I don't know what I would do if you left."

Katniss slid from the bed and sat next to him on the floor, she looked at her feet trying to sort out her feelings. She kissed him on his cheek; he looked at her in surprise. "I don't think I want you to be my brother either." Peeta looked at Katniss, glad that she seemed understand.

For the rest of the summer they were inseparable, but that sweet innocent kiss remained their only one. The Hunger Games ended, school started up again a few weeks later, and the weather began to cool again in the middle of September, and with it brought the Mellarks' old routine, waking early to bake before school, Katniss would head out on her own again to the forest to hunt. She was getting better and better at it, aiming to shoot the animals in the eye as her father had told her and the butcher reinforced. This particular Sunday in October she found herself frustrated and it was affecting her hunting, which only further angered her. She didn't know why exactly, but she knew it had to do with the shoe maker's daughter Delly Cartwright who had come by and asked if Peeta and Katniss would want to join her and her little brother for lunch.

Peeta and Katniss were working at the front counter of the bakery this morning when Delly Cartwright and her bubbly personality came skipping happily in. Katniss looked at her, and felt a pang of jealousy, before the summer she had just been a kind of pasty-faced, lumpy girl with a kind of yellowish hair who sat beside Peeta every day at lunch in school, while Katniss still preferred to sit alone with Madge Undersee despite Peeta encouraging her and Madge to sit at his table with his friends. Since school had started again Katniss noticed how being one of the only girls in the District who could spare to lose a few pounds had benefited her over the summer, her weight had somehow distributed itself into the beginnings of soft womanly curves, and the sun had brightened her yellowish hair to a fine blonde, and someone had taught her how to tame those previously messy curls into waves that framed her face. Katniss couldn't help but feel that compared to Delly, she just looked like a scrawny kid.

"Hey Peeta, oh, hey Katniss, how are you both today?" Delly asked.

Peeta seemed to wait for Katniss to respond but when she didn't he said, "We're doing well Dells, is there anything we can get for you today?"

"Well, it's my little brother's birthday and my mom sent me to get a small cake." Peeta suggested a few cakes and Delly picked one out. Katniss stood back with her trademark scowl on her face that she reserved for almost everyone except the Mellarks. She was waiting for Delly to leave and take her too happy personality with her.

"So Peeta, Katniss, are you doing anything today?" She tried to ask casually, but in a way that was obviously overly hopeful.

"Well we have the morning shift here at the counter, but we'd be free this afternoon." Peeta answered.

"Wow, well, how would you like to come to join in the birthday party for my brother? We'll be having a few people over for a late lunch." Delly suggested, looking carefully at Katniss.

"Sure, Katniss and I will be there." Peeta accepted for the both of them.

Katniss thought that Delly did a good job of covering her disappointment, certain that she only felt the need to invite Katniss because she was standing with Peeta. When Delly left Katniss turned on Peeta.

"I'm not going to Delly Cartwright's brother's birthday party." Katniss said angrily.

"What, why not?" Peeta asked surprised by Katniss' anger.

"Well, first of all, there are kids starving in this District, who has a birthday party? Even we can hardly afford birthday parties; before I came here to live with your family I hadn't ever had so much as a cookie crumb. It's such a capital custom I refuse to take part in it; secondly, I don't want to go places where I'm not really wanted." Katniss ranted quickly.

Peeta shook his head in bewilderment. "What do you mean you're not really wanted? She invited both of us."

"She only invited me because she felt she had to, it was so obvious she really only wanted you there." Katniss said. "I'm going hunting or something; I won't be back in time for the party."

"Wait, I'll come with you, or meet up with you later." Peeta said quickly.

"Don't bother, have fun." Katniss said sarcastically before marching into the back of the bakery to go up to the apartment above to get her hunting gear and left.

She had been in the forest for hours, not being very productive. All she had really done was gather nuts that she knew the Mellarks would need for certain breads through the winter. The air was cool and pungent with dying things; the one squirrel that she did shoot had practically run across her toes trying to compete with her for the nuts she was gathering. It was late afternoon before she was sure that she had sufficiently missed the party and decided to head home. She was hurrying along when she came across a rabbit hanging by its neck on a thin wire about a foot above her head, she looked around and saw that about fifteen yards away was another. She recognized the twitch up snares that she had been unsuccessfully trying to replicate herself from memory of the ones that her father had used. Her fingers were just on the wire above the rabbit when his voice rang out. "That's dangerous."

She jumped back several feet as Gale materialized from behind a tree. He had been watching her; curious as to what this little girl was doing in the woods all alone. The six foot fourteen year old clearly intimidated Katniss, they recognized each other mainly from the time they had both been at the Justice Building to receive the medal of valour after both their fathers were killed in the same mine blast.

"What are you doing out here so far from your bakery? I thought the bakers adopted you, I wouldn't have thought you'd need to be out here hunting for your dinner." Gale said as he gathered his rabbit from the snare. "Besides, stealing is punishable by death, or hadn't you heard?"

"They didn't adopt me, but...well, I do live with them now." Katniss mumbled her explanation. "But I contribute as much as I can. I don't want to feel like I owe them more than I already do. Besides, I wasn't stealing, I just wanted to look at your snare. Mine never catch anything."

He scowled, not convinced. "So where'd you get the squirrel?"

"I shot it." Katniss said as she showed him her bow that had been slung over her shoulder.

"Can I see that?" Gale asked with his eyes fastened on the bow.

"Just remember, stealing's punishable by death." Katniss said as she handed it to him, making him smile. He looked friendly when he smiled.

"So what's your name?" Gale asked.

"Katniss." She said quietly.

"Catnip Mellark, huh?" Gale said.

"Katniss Everdeen, I told you, they didn't adopt me. Even if they did try to make it official I wouldn't give up my last name." Katniss stated firmly. Gale nodded his head with a teasing smile on his face, Katniss just scowled at him, they talked hunting for a while, they struck a deal where Katniss would teach Gale how to shoot with a bow, she may even be able to provide him with a bow, thinking of the larger bow that her father used to use, and he agreed to provide her with the knowledge of setting snares. Eventually they went their separate ways, Katniss got home to the bakery a lot later than she intended.

When she arrived at the fence where she usually entered she could see Peeta had been waiting for her.

"It's late, my mother was getting worried about you." Peeta said.

"I know, I ran into a boy in the forest." Katniss said as she slipped under the fence.

"Who was it? Did you know him?" Peeta asked.

"It was Gale Hawthorne, I've seen him around school, and in the Seam, but I've never talked to him before." Katniss said. Peeta gave her a worried look, they walked home, Katniss telling Peeta about the things that she had discussed with Gale. She didn't ask about the party, and he didn't offer any details.

Katniss did hint around the idea that maybe she would like it if Peeta came to sit with her and Madge at lunch during school sometime. The next day he did sit with her and Madge, which brought his friends to Katniss' and Madge's table, and somehow it became crowed and it seemed that the same seating arrangement stuck, they had just somehow swapped tables. Katniss was upset at this turn of events, but didn't say anything to Peeta about it.

As the week went on Katniss watched Peeta at his table and noticed particularly how Delly would put her hand on Peeta's shoulder a little too long, or the way she would lean towards him when they were talking to each other, usually those were the days that it angered her that Peeta wouldn't just sit with Katniss without bringing the rest of his friends along. On the Friday as Katniss was walking by Peeta's table she heard Delly Cartwright's cheerful voice say to her friends, "Isn't Peeta just the cutest?" Katniss turned her head quickly to look at the group sitting at the table, and Peeta was laughing bashfully as Delly was kind of pinching his cheek in an affectionate way.

Katniss took her seat with Madge, fuming in anger, and continued to watch Peeta and Delly in a way that she hoped wasn't obvious. While she couldn't hear what they were saying, she sure didn't miss the kiss that Delly planted on Peeta's cheek right in front of everyone. Katniss in that moment was so angry she saw red; she stood up suddenly, scraping her seat loudly on the floor. She wasn't hungry, but she really couldn't waste the food, so she stuffed it into the brown paper bag as quickly as she could and stormed out of the lunch room. She didn't know where she was going, but she knew that she had to get out of there fast.

"Katniss!" Peeta called after her, but she didn't stop or turn to look at Peeta. She just continued to walk down the hallway angrily. He ran and caught up to her, grabbing her by the elbow and forcing her to look into his eyes. "What's going on? What's got you so upset?"

Katniss didn't really want to admit out loud that she was so angry that Delly kissed Peeta, but really she had no claim on Peeta. She scowled and looked down at her shoes and just shrugged her shoulders. Peeta took Katniss by the hand and they sat down together against the wall right there in the hallway. Peeta took Katniss' lunch and split the sandwich in half, giving one of the halves to each of them. They ate in silence. Then he handed Katniss the apple that was usually in their lunch, she ate half, then handed him the remainder. She watched him eat for a bit before she finally asked in a small and quiet voice, "Do you like Delly Cartwright more than me?"

Peeta looked at her with a small smile on his face, "You mean Delly Cartwright who just said that I was the cutest because we both look so much alike? Delly said that she and I could pass for brother and sister. I don't think she's interested in me the way you think Katniss. She was just kidding around."

"That doesn't answer my question." Katniss said with a scowl.

Peeta ran his hand through his hair like he did when he was trying to figure out how to explain something to Katniss. "I think I have made it clear to everyone at this school, except for you, how I feel about you. Delly is just a friend, but me and you Katniss, we're different. There's no one else for me, it's always been you. Whatever happens, we're always going to be together, right?" Peeta asked.

Katniss seemed to weigh his words, then nodded, satisfied with his answer. "Together."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N - I had a real struggle with this one, I just finished, haven't 100% proofed it yet, I just wanted to get it on the site ASAP. I rewrote this a couple of times, I hope the finished product is half decent, my major struggle is with skipping ahead so many years, and there was just so much I wanted to put in! Anywho, here it is, we made it to where I think I'm excited to make it extra fluffy after this.

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The seasons slipped into winter. It was a hard winter, not nearly as bad as any other Katniss had ever experienced since now she was living in the warm bakery, especially when compared to living in her tiny shack where it was only one step up from sleeping outside. When January approached she began to slip into depression again. When the anniversary of her father's death arrived it was a particularly hard day for her. Coming up to it she worked herself into such frenzy that Mrs. Mellark thought she had come down with the flu. Her stress at the upcoming date gave her stomach aches so badly she couldn't eat. She began to get weak and lost a concerning amount of weight. When the day finally arrived she spent the whole night waking from night terrors, actually screaming out loud, her nightmares had never been this bad before. Mr. and Mrs. Mellark tried to calm her, but it wasn't working.

"I want Peeta." She requested in a voice barely above a whisper to Mrs. Mellark. "He knows how to make it go away." Katniss whimpered.

"Peeta?" Asked Mrs. Mellark.

"Yes, he knows how to calm me whenever this happens." Katniss said.

Peeta had been standing near the door waiting for his mother to leave, but upon hearing his name Peeta walked into the room, Mrs. Mellark stepped aside and watched as her son knelt at the side of her bed and took Katniss' hand, he whispered soothing words to her as he tucked some of her hair behind her ear and wiped some of the tears from her face.

"You tell me a story Katniss, tell me something about your father and I'll draw it out for you so you won't forget." Peeta requested in a low voice. When she stopped whimpering enough for him to understand her he took his sketch book that Katniss had gotten for him through her trades at the Hob and some bits of charcoals.

"I have a story, if you'll let me tell it." Mrs. Mellark asked Katniss. Both of the children looked to her, Katniss' eyes brightened a bit as she nodded her head.

Mrs. Mellark told the children of how Mr. Everdeen used to sing so well, every girl in school fell in love with him, but that he only ever had eyes for Mrs. Everdeen, but it was unheard of for merchant girls especially to marry or even date someone from the Seam. She would see how Mrs. Everdeen tried to fight her feelings, but every morning there would be wild flowers on her desk, usually a katniss flower or a primrose. She told the children of the scandal when after the morning of their last reaping the apothecary owner woke to find a note from his daughter saying that she needed to follow her heart and be with Mr. Everdeen.

"It was shocking, but to all of us girls who had been friends with your mother, it was the single bravest thing that anyone had ever heard of. Of course your mother's family never spoke to her again, but, she fought against convention to be with him. I don't truly know if any of us other merchant girls would have done the same. She was courageous, some of the other girls tried to do the same, but in the end no one else fought for their love like your mother and father did. She was so brave, holding her head high whenever she did come back to the merchant square, knowing that people were whispering about her behind her back, when really we all admired her for it. We should have told her that." Mrs. Mellark said the last part with a bit of sadness and regret in her voice. "Your father was so brave to, to not back down. There was many a merchant boy, who tried to scare him off from her, but he always stood his ground, he never stopped fighting for her. Your parents together Katniss, they were strong and brave." Mrs. Mellark finished.

Peeta turned the sketch to Katniss, a rough drawing of a young Mr. and Mrs. Everdeen looking at each other lovingly. It was amazing to Katniss how well he had improved his drawing skills, how he could transfer images from his imagination to paper. She took it and added it to the stack of drawings that he had made for her. Mrs. Mellark went to the stack and looked through it.

"Peeta, you made all of these?" She asked. He nodded his head and began to stroke Katniss' hair again. She was calming and growing tired, exhausted from her emotional turmoil.

"Come Peeta, let her rest." Mrs. Mellark said. He moved to leave and Katniss reached out and caught his hand.

"No, stay with me." Katniss said desperately.

Peeta sat back down next to her, in his usual spot on the floor next to the head of her bed. "Always."

Mrs. Mellark looked at the two, so obviously inseparable, realizing that despite her independence and courage that she showed on the outside by doing things like hunting in the forest on her own, and insistence on contributing as much as she could to help the Mellarks for their kindness and taking her in, Katniss was also very dependent on Peeta. This was the first time Mrs. Mellark had been witness to the comfort and support Katniss received from Peeta. It was obvious that this was not the first time he had comforted Katniss this way, and it began to worry Mrs. Mellark at just how tightly together they had bound themselves.

Things for the next few months for Katniss were filled with emotional ups and downs, she had recovered after the anniversary of her father's death, but that meant that just around the corner would be the day that Prim died and her mother had taken her own life. As the date approached even Peeta woke from nightmares of what he had seen, images of the two dead bodies that a young boy should never see crept upon him. In his worst nightmares he would dream that they were too late and found a lifeless Katniss as well. He didn't scream out like Katniss did, he would be comforted enough to go to her room and watch her sleep, knowing she was safe and alive. Katniss would wake to find him sleeping on the floor next to her bed, she would wake him so he could return to his own room before anyone else woke and found him in her room.

In the months leading up Katniss regressed and she was back to only eating if Peeta refused to unless she did, which resulted in them sharing plates of food again. The anniversary date arrived, Katniss woke even worse than she did on the date of her father's death, she woke screaming in the night, and even when Peeta did calm her she reverted to her catatonic state for the rest of the day.

It was like déjà vu, she stopped going to school for days, snapping out of her depression by Peeta's birthday, and then seemed to improve from there, gaining back the weight she had lost from stress, going to the forest at the first signs of spring. She would come across Gale from time to time, she didn't mind the company, so on the days that she ran into him they formed a sort of team and brought in much larger hauls between the two of them.

Her thirteenth birthday passed, the Hunger Games approached, nightmares came for all of the Mellark children and Katniss. Again, no one was reaped, they were free to enjoy the summer where Katniss took them into the forest once in a while and taught them the basics of how to hunt, mostly they would go to the lake and swim, when they weren't in the forest they watched The Hunger Game, that was the year the crying snivelling girl from district seven fooled everyone and turned out to be deadly with an axe.

She and Gale formed a solid routine that autumn, meeting regularly to hunt, forming an alliance based on mutual respect for each other's hunting skills. Katniss a very skilled trader, the people from the Hob she thought treated her fairly because they had known her father, and the merchants traded with her because she was part of the Mellark family. It came to be known that she and Gale were hunting partners, she would bring Gale to all of her trades with her so all people knew that they could trade with Gale even when she wasn't with him if that should ever happen. Hunting with Gale gave her a new purpose; she had met the whole Hawthorne clan with all those small hungry children. She didn't see hunger like that everyday anymore, and she was determined that between her and Gale they could provide for both families. This purpose also seemed to help with Katniss' depression during the winter, giving her a reason to push through the season, to meet Gale and hunt and trade day after day. Katniss now had two families that she fought to provide for, two families that meant the world to her.

Into the spring the school held wrestling competitions, this was the first year that Graham won first place, Rye placing second. They had both grown so much since Katniss first met them, this particular year after his fourteenth birthday Peeta grew significantly. Katniss and Peeta had always been similar in height, but after a growth spurt of several inches he was now as tall as his brothers, Katniss herself she felt was average height, and now Peeta was about a head taller than her, and he grew out of his little boy body, his muscles filling out and giving him a stockier build. She would laugh when his new height made Peeta clumsy, he let his hair grow out so occasionally she would push the hair from his eyes, and she grew to love those clear blue eyes of his. Sometimes after she ran her hand through his soft blonde hair he would catch her hand, and they would just stare deeply into each other's eyes. It would send butterflies through her stomach and make her heart skip a beat.

There was a particularly hot day in the summer, Peeta and Katniss headed to the lake by themselves. Katniss found herself admiring the way Peeta's strong shoulders had managed to fill out. As they were sitting, drying their bodies and wet clothing in the sun before heading back to the bakery Katniss looked at Peeta from the corner of her eye and realized that he was looking particularly at her bare legs. Somehow, the looks that Peeta had been giving her lately made her heart jump in her chest, she would catch him looking at her in a way he never did before, and that when he realized she caught his gaze linger a little too long he would look away quickly with a blush forming on his cheeks. Inwardly, she loved it, she never saw him look at any other girl that way.

Feeling a little daring, particularly because they were alone, they were hardly ever alone where he wasn't waking and comforting her from nigh t terrors, she moved her body in a way that she felt he would appreciate. She lay on the grass, in her underwear and camisole with a bra underneath, and covered her eyes from the sun with her arm so that he would feel a little more comfortable to look at her the way he never would if he knew that she was watching.

"Katniss, I was just wondering, do you ever bring Gale here?" Peeta asked.

Katniss frowned a little, wondering why he was bringing this up. "Why would I bring Gale here? This is a special place; I've only ever brought you and your brothers here with me."

If she hadn't covered her eyes with her arm, she would have seen it coming; first she felt Peeta's hand on the newly formed curve of her waist, he took her hand raised it above her head which uncovered her eyes. She looked into his eyes, nervous, and the normally clear blueness of them was a shade darker, her heart started to quicken in her chest, her breathing quickened in anticipation of what she knew was about to happen. He took his hand from hers and lightly traced her lips, it made her body shudder and she arched her back slightly, which allowed him to slip is arm underneath and get closer to her, his hand drifted to her cheek, and he put his lips to hers lightly at first. Katniss gasped a little in surprise at the sensation between them both, she could feel Peeta's body against hers, the gasp allowed him to enter her mouth with his tongue and kiss her properly. She liked kissing Peeta; she pressed her body as close to him as she could, and though longer than she anticipated it would last she was disappointed when the kiss ended. They were both a little breathless, Katniss lay there on the grass; Peeta sat up to a sitting position and looked at the lake with a slight smile on his face. "It just seemed like the perfect time to do that, I've been wanting to for a while. I just wanted to make sure we wouldn't be interrupted." Peeta said with a faraway voice.

Despite her high from the kiss, after she caught her breath Katniss said sadly, "This can't happen again." Peeta looked at her quickly, fear in his eyes. "We don't think of each other as brother and sister, but everyone else does, your parents think of me as their daughter. If they found out something were going on between us they might send me away. Remember what happened to Saffra Nairn?" Saffra Nairn was a girl in Graham's year at school, she became pregnant when she was only sixteen years old, her parents were so shamed they sent her to live in the community home, although they claimed her baby once it was born and were now currently raising it. The worst part was that she still had to attend the same school, and everyone knew what had happened to her. She took her life like Katniss' mother did, unable to face the shame of what she had done to herself. This wasn't the first time something like this happened in District 12, but it was definitely the most recent and saddest reminder of what happens when the teenagers let things go too far. Peeta's smile had faded; he ran his hands through his hair and huffed in frustration, knowing that she was right.

"You know there will never be anyone for me but you right?" Peeta asked quietly.

"Together, always, you and me. We just have to wait, someday; we'll figure this out, how to get people to stop thinking of us this way." Katniss said to him as she sat up and put her chin on his shoulder, sad at the thought that they may not ever get to be together the way they want to be, simply because of Mr. and Mrs. Mellark's kindness.

They left the lake that day, and continued with their lives as normal. Katniss continued to hunt with Gale; he became her best friend besides Peeta, but in a different way. The year after the reaping when they were fifteen the Mellarks celebration was a bit more special than any other before since Graham had just finished his last reaping. Next year would be Rye's last year, since the kids only had the required number of entries the odds were definitely in their favour, especially compared to someone like Gale.

Gale and Peeta didn't cross paths much in Katniss' world, it wasn't intentional, but Gale had a special kind of resentment against the merchants. His only business at the bakery was the rare days that Katniss didn't go hunting with him. Whenever his family came in and Peeta was at the front counter he always gave a cookie to each of the Hawthorne children, it was something that Gale couldn't entirely hate Peeta for, but afterward he always came by with a squirrel or rabbit as payment for the cookies.

The New Year approached at the end of December, Katniss and Gale were out hunting that morning and in the afternoon after finishing their trading they stopped at the Hob to get a bowl of soup from Greasy Sae's booth and Peeta came in to the Hob looking for Katniss.

"Hey, how was your morning?" Peeta asked the two of them, putting a coin down for his own bowl of "beef" stew. It was approaching the anniversary of her fathers death, and as usual she hadn't been eating well.

"It wasn't that great, we didn't catch all that much, we could have done better." Katniss commented with a scowl.

"Hello Gale." Peeta said turning his attention to Gale, to which Peeta only received a curt nod of recognition. "I brought these cookies that your family can have to celebrate the New Year." Peeta said putting down a box of cookies.

"Thanks, but we don't need your charity Mellark." Gale said gruffly.

"It's not charity, these are a couple of days old and destined for the garbage. I hate to see perfectly good food go to waste." Peeta said indifferently, knowing from experience and through Katniss that people from the Seam, although not willing to accept kindness from strangers, will not let perfectly good food go to waste. Gale seemed to think about it for a minute and then put the box into his game bag. He gave a quick nod of thanks, which Peeta returned. Katniss turned her back slightly to Gale and faced Peeta, they had talked earlier about giving the cookies to the Hawthornes and Katniss had coached Peeta on how to get Gale to accept the food from them without making it feel like charity. She gave Peeta a discrete smile and pushed the hair from his eyes. Peeta and Gale ate their bowls of soup in silence, Peeta knowing that Gale didn't really like him all that much felt a bit awkward, but he only took a few bites of his soup before sliding the rest of it to Katniss. He said his good bye to Gale and wished him a happy new year and left.

"Your brother, he's a nice guy. He's not like the other merchants, it'd be better if her were easier to hate." Gale commented.

Katniss rolled her eyes and scowled, "I told you, he's not my brother." She looked at the soup and seemed conflicted about it before letting out an exasperated sigh and finished the bowl of soup.

"What is he to you then, if not a brother?" Gale asked.

Just then Darius came to the booth and asked for his own bowl of stew from Greasy Sae, he was by far Katniss' favourite peacekeeper, he was also by far the youngest, in District 12 at least, and he was always joking. He teases Katniss about her being old enough for the tradition of being kissed as the New Year is being rung in at midnight and how she might be able to buy a kiss from her in exchange for a rabbit or two. She laughs, knowing that he is joking, but Gale seems to get irritated at her side, making a snorting noise. When Darius leaves she asks Gale what his problem is, but he denies having one and tells her to have a happy new year before leaving.

That night, as the capital surges power through the districts for the required viewing of the New year festivities in the Capital and the clock strikes midnight, Peeta steals a quick kiss from Katniss as the whole family is looking at the television screen and not paying attention to them.

The months pass quickly; they both turn sixteen on their birthdays. Rye is the oldest Mellark in the wrestling competition at school, and this year Peeta has a chance at winning. Katniss attends every match, and the finals this year again finds two Mellark boys fighting against each other for the title. Katniss is cheering for Peeta, knowing that he could win, while both boys are strong, Peeta is naturally a bit more muscular than the lean built Rye. Katniss is sure that Peeta is going to win, and just when she thinks he is going to pin Rye for the win, their eyes meet. For a split second he smiles at Katniss, and in the next second Rye turns the tables and pins Peeta down. Rye places first, Peeta second.

After the match, Katniss walks home with Peeta. "You let him win didn't you? I've seen you wrestle him at home, he hasn't had you pinned like that since we were kids." Katniss teased.

Peeta just shrugged his shoulders. "I'll have my chance next year; this was his last year for a shot at the title. Winning's not always everything you know?" Peeta said to Katniss, nudging her shoulder. Katniss smiles at Peeta, his kindness always seems to get the best of him.

The reaping approaches, this year they are not so on edge. They are almost finished with reapings, this is the first year that Graham will be watching from the sidelines with the adults, this is Rye's last year, and Katniss and Peeta have the fewest amount of entries required. They walk hand in hand as they do every year, the only time they ever hold hands in public. It's impossible to not be nervous, walking into the reaping pit with every other kid in the district. Katniss is shaking, Peeta strokes her cheek with his thumb, and tucks her hair behind her ear the way that is familiar to him to help her calm down. She looks into his eyes and pushes his hair away from his face the way she always does. When they separate Katniss looks for Gale from her spot in her age group of girls. It is the last year for his reaping as well, she finds him and he has already spotted her and is looking at her with a ghost of a smile on his face, Katniss tries not to think of his forty-two entries in the big glass ball and how the odds are not in his favour.

When it's time for the drawing Effie Trinket says as she always does, "Ladies first!" and crosses to the glass ball with the girls' names. She reaches in, digs her hand deep into the ball, and pulls out a slip of paper. The crowd draws in a collective breath and then you can hear a pin drop, and Katniss feels nauseous and so desperately hoping that it's not her and she chants in her head the hope that "it's not me, not me, not me" – but it is.

"Katniss Everdeen!" Effie's capitol accent rings in a clear voice. Katniss feels the way she did the time that she fell out of a tree and had the wind knocked out of her. Katniss thinks that this has to be a mistake; she only had five entries in the reaping ball out of thousands. Katniss finally comes to her senses, and begins to walk up to the stage, she thinks to herself that it could be worse. She is the last of the Everdeens headed towards certain death, it could be someone like Gale, whose family depends on them, at least this year a family won't get broken up, the Mellarks will survive without her.

But just as she reaches the steps to the stage everything gets so much worse for Katniss.

"NO!" A voice that she would recognize anywhere calls out so loudly it echoes through the town square. She turns and sees Peeta pushing his way through the crowd. "Katniss, no!" Peacekeepers approach him just as he reaches the clearing to the stage. "I volunteer, don't draw a name, I volunteer as tribute!" Peeta yells desperately as if no one is going to hear him. There is some confusion on the stage, District 12 hasn't had a volunteer in decades and the protocol has become rusty since the word tribute is pretty much synonymous with the word corpse.

"Lovely!" says Effie Trinket. "But I believe there's a small matter of drawing a boy's name, and then introducing a reaping winner and then we ask for volunteers…"

Peeta interrupts her, "I don't care; you're not taking Katniss without me!" He races to Katniss side hugs her desperately, they are both shaking, then he takes her hand; they ascend the stairs to the stage together.

"What does it matter?" says the mayor; he's looking at Katniss and Peeta with a pained expression on his face. He knows Katniss well, not only is Katniss the girl who brings the strawberries in the summer; she is his daughter's best friend. Katniss had been to his house for dinner several times; something that probably never would have ever happened had she come from the Seam, but being a Mellark for the past several years has allowed Madge and Katniss the advantage of allowing their friendship to grow. Madge had been Katniss' closest confidant other than Peeta, talking about things that she just couldn't talk to Peeta about, things that needed to be discussed with another girl. Since she lost Prim Madge is the closest thing to a sister that Katniss had, and she being an only child the same went for Madge as well.

Somehow they find Mr. and Mrs. Mellark in the crowd of adults, Mr. Mellark is trying to console his wife, this year two of their children were reaped. Effie Trinket asks both of their names and asks for a round of applause for this year's tributes, to the credit of the people of District 12, no one claps. Possibly because they have a good relationship with the Mellarks, or knew Katniss or her father through the Hob, a shift happens, Katniss and Peeta together have become something precious, and every citizen touches the three middle fingers of their left hand to their lips and holds it out to Katniss and Peeta.

Haymitch chooses this time to stagger across the stage to congratulate the two, "Look at these two, I like them." Haymitch reeks of alcohol, mutters a few more things and taunts the capital through the cameral before falling off the stage.

The mayor finishes the dreary Treaty of Treason and motions for Peeta and Katniss to shake hands, instead, Peeta embraces Katniss in a fierce protective hug, right on television for the cameras. Her hair, which was worn loose the way she knows Peeta likes falls across her face hiding them slightly from the camera. Peeta whispers into her ear, "You and me, together."

Katniss is dangerously close to tears as she whispers back into his, "Always."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N - kind of short, but hopefully...satisfying. :)

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Peeta POV

The Peacekeepers start to usher us into the Justice Building. Reluctantly I pull away from our embrace and look into those stormy grey eyes that I love so much. For the quickest of seconds I see the fear underneath, which is quickly masked by indifference at our situation. I know Katniss well, she doesn't want to cry or show weakness, outwardly she seems cold, distant, even board. Though I want to breakdown at the unfairness of what just happened to her, and the situation that I just propelled us both into, I arrange the features on my face to mirror hers, drawing on her strength, but I refuse to let her go just yet, and I hold her hand as we walk into the building. They take us to the tribute quarters which hold two separate rooms, each facing each other but at the opposite of a very long hallway which is lined with chairs meant for the visitors who want to come during the hour we are allowed for goodbyes. They direct us each to our separate room.

"No, we'll go into a room together." I say.

"Peeta, it's fine, we'll do this separately. We need to give people the time to say goodbye to us, your family can see you first, it's fine." Katniss reasons with me, I look away from her, trying to gather my thoughts to put together an argument that will make her agree with me, but I see Gale come quickly around the corner, a frantic look on his face. I look at her, and as much as I don't want to I nod my head in agreement anyway, thinking that there may be someone I want to speak to without her present to see the conversation after all.

I watch the door close behind her before entering my room. My parents and brothers are first to visit me. My parents are in shock. My mother had obviously been crying, my brothers hug me, my father looks at me sadly.

"Why? Why didn't you let her go alone, she's a survivor, she probably would have survived, been a victor. She's got the best chance of anyone ever from district 12." Rye says in a rush.

"'Probably' isn't good enough. I need to go; she needs to win, to survive. I'll make sure she does." I say. They don't understand that without her there is no me. "If she went in and lost? I wouldn't be able to survive that."

"It doesn't matter." My father says sadly, looking at my mother. "We lost you both the moment her name was reaped." My mother lets out a kind of strangled sob, and they both hug me. I suddenly think maybe they do understand. The remaining minutes are spent mostly in silence, just sitting with my family one last time; they know that no matter how the games play out, whether or not Katniss lives or dies, I won't be coming home. When the Peacekeepers come to tell them their time is up, we hear a yelling down the hall.

"Katniss, remember, I love you!" We all hear Gale say it, but in the middle of his sentence the door to her room was slammed shut and I wonder if she got to hear it. I don't know whether to not to hope that she did.

Gale looks toward us at the other end of the hall, I motion for him to come in, we've never really known each other, or even had a decent conversation, but I need to talk to him now. He seems conflicted, but comes anyway. "Did you mean it? Do you love her?" I ask Gale.

"Yes." He says simply. I should be intimidated, the guy is older than me and let's face it, he looks like a man and my brothers tease me enough for me to know I still look like a kid despite my height, which is much shorter than Gale. In this moment I don't really care, when Katniss survives this she's going to need him.

"Does she know?" I ask.

He kind of shrugs his shoulders. "I doubt it. I think there's always been someone preventing her from seeing it." He says without breaking eye contact, clearly knowing that Katniss and I were bound to each other.

"Well, when she comes back make sure she knows. Me and her, we've always understood each other. Katniss seems hard, but when she comes back she's going to need you, she's going to come back broken and since I won't be here I need you to be the one to put her back together. Those times she won't eat, you'll have to get her to, one way or another. I usually blackmail her into eating by not eating myself unless she does. Let her see you waste the food, she will never waste food, but make sure in the beginning she eats first or else it won't work. At night, when the nightmares wake her, she'll usually be screaming. Stroke her hair, you'll need to touch her, comfort her." I ramble on quickly afraid the peacekeepers will come in, and at the same time trying to ignore the thought of someone other than myself doing this for Katniss, but he gives me a skeptical look and I stop for a moment. "Gale, when she comes back she's going to need someone else to depend on. This is serious, don't let her burn out. Find your own way if you have to, just keep her fighting, and give her a reason to fight, to live." Gale kind of runs his hand through his hair and breaths out as if overwhelmed by the information that in giving him. "Please, I'm begging you. I love Katniss more than my own life, obviously, so please, promise me that when she comes back it won't be in vain."

Gale looks at me, his eyes so similar to hers that I can see the hint of sadness behind them, "you know that when she comes back, she won't be the same, it will never be me that she truly wants."

"Do you love her enough try, to fight for her, to change her mind?" I ask desperately.

In the moment it takes him to think of his answer the Peacekeepers come in, his quick shouted response of "Yes" Is the only confirmation that I get, it'll have to do.

Katniss POV

After Gale left the Mellarks made it very hard for me to keep it together. I can't afford to cry or show weakness in front of the cameras, I've watched enough Hunger Games to know that the game has already started and the judging has already begun. I had tried to thank them for all the kindness they had shown me, for making me feel like part of the family, but they just hugged me.

"You saved us, you were everything we needed." Mrs. Mellark said.

Graham and Rye nod their heads on agreement. "You'll come back; he'll make sure that you do." Rye says with a hopeful smile on his face. I accept their hugs and words of encouragement, but I don't really know what to think. I know they are trying to comfort me, but really, this just makes me feel worse. I wish Peeta hadn't volunteered; no one from district 12 ever stands a chance, and now in his fate is certain death because of me.

Madge comes, and gives me a mockingjay pin that I've seen her wear only on reaping days, but I know it's been in her family for years.

When the hour is finally up and the Peacekeepers come to usher us to the car that will take us to the tribute train, Peeta is already in the hallway waiting for me. He opens his arms to me and I run into them, in a way that I never would have done ordinarily. It all seems like it was such a waste now, worrying about how people would see us. The Peacekeepers shove us along, and we wait just inside the building for the car that is supposed to escort us, Effie Trinket is fussing and complaining about how this will affect our tight schedule. I'm thankful for the moment to catch my breath, and I look to Peeta to see those clear blue eyes looking into mine.

"It all seems so silly now doesn't it? The wasted years we could have had together?" Peeta says, voicing my own thoughts out loud somehow. I put one of my hands on his shoulder, and with the other I push the ashy blonde hair from his eyes, his eyes grow soft and he leans down toward me at the same time I stand on tip toe to get closer to him. Our lips meet somewhere in the middle, and his arm is around my waist, the kiss is intense, each of us searching for comfort from each other. Just then the double doors are thrown open, and before we can pull away from each other all of Panem has seen the kiss, only the second one that we've ever had with this kind of intensity. I think back to the day at the lake when we were fourteen, wishing with everything inside of me that I could turn back time and return to that place, and allow myself to not be so rational and just let this thing that has been growing between us for years happen. There was never any doubt in my mind that Peeta and I would be together forever, I've loved him for years, but suddenly forever isn't as long as I'd hoped.

We look to the cameras, I'm startled, but the Peacekeepers are quick and Effie Trinket moves us along to the car. We've never been in one before, but I'm thankful that the cameras aren't able to record us in here. Effie has time to say, "That's so sweet, you're in love with each other? People are just going to eat your story up, very exciting!" as she claps her hands. She is obviously happy that this year she got two tributes that don't look as if we are already dying from starvation, we are lucky enough to be some of the best fed kids in the district. I scowl at her and look out the window, but never let go of Peeta's hand.

When we arrive at the train we have to stand there for a few minutes while cameras gobble up more images of us before the door closes and the train takes off immediately with overwhelming speed.

Effie shows us around the train car, she takes us to my chambers first, just as she exits the door, Peeta slams it behind her and locks it. He looks at me with a mischievous smile on his face that I return. Effie knocks on the door, her voice clearly surprised and miffed at what just happened. "Miss. Everdeen, Mr. Mellark! Open this door right now, we need to finish the tour and dinner is being served in one hour."

"One hour, got it, we'll be there Miss. Trinket!" Peeta yells through the door. I laugh, and he takes a few quick steps to me and scoops me up into his arms. For the next hour we are reckless, giving in to each other physically as we have never allowed ourselves to before. There is no point in holding back, we only have about a week until the games begin, one week where one or both of us may be dead, and really, even if one of us lives, the other may as well be dead as well. I know I'm not going back without Peeta; there is no one left for me, but he's strong and attractive, and has his family to help him through my death. He will move on, but I push these thoughts aside as Peeta is touching me everywhere he's ever wanted to, everywhere I've ever wanted him to.

He lays me on the bed, I sit up and remove my clothing as quickly as I can, and he does the same with his own clothing. It's fast, and messy, we are both so inexperienced, but somehow we both know what to do. I trace my fingers up his spine as he lays on top of me and feel excited at the shudder that he can't control, I did that do him. He kisses my breasts, and doesn't stop there, he plants a line of kisses all the way down my stomach, to my thighs, and finally, to the spot between my legs that is aching for him the most. I cry out in pleasure, it's amazing and I'm dizzy and I want so much more. As he comes back up for a kiss I flip him suddenly and I'm on top of him. Looking down at him, his smile, his laughing blue eyes, I grind myself against him and through the wetness he begins to enter me, his face suddenly showing all the pleasure that I'm feeling as well. I take it slowly, lowering myself, allowing him to enter me knowing that it'll hurt a bit, but it's not uncomfortable. After he is completely inside of me I stop, allowing my body time to adjust to him, he has his hands on my hips and tilts his head back as though, even without me moving this is somehow causing him great pleasure, I've done this to him too. I start to rotate my hips, it's so good that I moan aloud, eventually we find a rhythm and neither of us even tries to control the sounds that we make, we don't care anymore, we've spent too much time worrying about what other people think, and we only have a short amount of time left with each other. I want to give him everything.

When we are finished we lay breathless and sweaty on the bed. I suggest we take a shower since Effie will be expecting us for dinner soon, somehow, as inexperienced as we are, Peeta's mouth finds its way to my skin, drinking the water drops that find its way to my most sensitive of places. We make love while standing there in the shower; I'm so thankful for those bags of flour that has made Peeta so strong that he can lift me with ease and bring me pleasure this way. I'm sore from the first time, but I don't really care, it's so worth it.

When we finish I find something to wear, and since I'm the only one dressed I find his chambers and find clothes for him and bring it back to my room for him to dress. He finishes moments before Effie comes to collect us for supper, a look of disapproval in her eyes when we open the door, she has obviously heard everything. Even if she didn't the love bites we both have speaks volumes to our actions this past hour. Peeta looks at me and laughs, we follow her to the dining car, there's a table where all the dishes are highly breakable.

"Where's Haymitch?" Peeta asks.

"I think he's taking a nap," code for passed out, and I don't know if she intends this next part to be funny, but in spite of being reaped, in our post-love making bliss, it is hilarious to Peeta and I. "Well...it has been an exhausting day."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N - Another Chapter. My goal is to wrap my story around the original Hunger Games where ever possible. This chapter contains a lot of chunks from the original, so if it seems familiar...it is. :)

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**Katniss POV**

Dinner is nice until Effie compliments us on how well-mannered we are and how the pair from last year ate like savages, her comment bothers me so much I rebel against her compliment by eating with my hands for the rest of the meal. I'm sufficiently satisfied that I've upset her and happily head to a different train car to watch a recap of the reapings when she suggests it.

There are a few tributes that stand out, but when they show the twelve year old from District 11 I lose it. This happens once in a while, usually with little starving blonde seven year olds from the Seam, which thankfully there aren't many of, but recently it's been happening with twelve year olds as well, not every one that I see, but there have been a few to trigger my flashbacks and sent me into an episode. Prim would have been twelve this year, it would have been her first year to be eligible for reaping, not that she would have been picked. I would have made sure she didn't need to take tesserae, and her name would have been one of thousands, it would have been an impossibility for her to reaped. Still, as I look at the little girl on the screen there is just something about her that is all too similar to Prim, and with her dark hair and dark skin it's not obvious at first what it is.

I don't really have time to determine exactly what it is about her that reminds me of Prim before the images jump to my mind, of me coming home so full of hope at what the baker's son just did for us. I ran all the way home, exhausted from walking around the district all morning, and already having little energy since I'm starving as well, I was skin and bones, able to count the ribs in my body. I burst into the house, breathless and shouting for Prim to come to the table, saying that I had a surprise for her. Thinking she would come from my mother's room any second I got a knife and started to slice the hearty fruit and nut bread. It smelled delicious, but then I realized it was so quiet in the house, that I could hear the animals from outside drinking the rain water. I'd never hear that sound before. I stood to listen, and realized it was coming from my mother's room, probably from where there was an extra big hole in the floor where rodents often climbed in. I walked tentatively towards the door, and opened it slightly. It was horrific, I don't remember much after, I wish my mind was sane enough to let me forget the image of a rat eating away at my sister's lifeless body.

I screamed then in my memory, and I screamed now in this train car, startling Effie and Peeta. He immediately scooped me up and took me from the room with Effie trailing after us. Peeta laid me on the bed in my room, stroking my hair, while I remembered stomping the rat in rage, it didn't even run, it was too consumed with the meal it had been eating to acknowledge my presence. I shook my mother, not realizing until she looked at me with empty dead eyes that her body was also cold and stiff. I jumped back in horror still screaming, if I had any food in me I would have vomited, but all my body could do was heave in disgust. I sat in the corner of the room, afraid to move, unable to tear my eyes away from their pale lifeless bodies. Even in death it looked as if my sister was reaching for my mother, and that mother had turned away. I decided then to take my sister to our room that we shared. I dragged her as carefully as I could. I was so weak, I barely made it, but I did. Then, deciding that there was nothing left for me I gave up. I crawled into bed beside my sister, determined to follow her to another life beyond this one. I sang Under the Willow for her over and over and over, I dreamed of the life waiting for me on the other side with Prim, and hoped my father would be there too to protect us.

I'm calm now like I was then, Peeta's voice filling my ears, calling me back to him like always. This time is different; he is kissing my cheek as he strokes my hair. The real world comes back into focus, the train car, I turn my head and focus on those blue eyes, more frantic and afraid now than they were when he volunteered to enter the Hunger Games with me. Effie is standing behind him, concern even in her face as well. I push the hair from his eyes; he lets out a sigh of relief and smiles.

"Katniss, you gave me a heart attack." Peeta kisses me sweetly on the lips, I think this is the best way he's ever brought me back from a terror.

**Peeta POV**

"I'm fine, I'm sorry...it was the girl from 11, she just..." Katniss trails off knowing I know what she means. I nod my head, the girl reminded her of Prim somehow. She sits up and I'm surprised at how quickly she seems to be recovering from her episode. Effie hands Katniss a glass of water, I look at her thankfully as Katniss drinks it.

I hate that this happens to her. I watch as she shakes her head as if clearing her thoughts. I have to admire her strength, this thing consumes her so entirely, but she can bring herself back and smile at me, as if worried about how I am feeling when this happens to her. Her storm grey eyes are searching mine; I hope she sees the admiration there for her, and not the rage that I am feeling inside. I hate that this happened to her, I hate that the reason that I am thankful for her being in my life every day is thanks to this tragedy that we will never forget, never shake from the core of our being. I'm a monster, for being thankful for it, because I'll never know if we would have come together on our own without it. She has always intimidated me; I know I wouldn't have ever talked to her.

She reaches up and puts her hand on my shoulder, pulling me toward her for a kiss, shaking the dark thoughts from my mind. I kiss her sweetly, hoping that this in some way helps her. "How did we do?" Katniss asks.

"What?" I'm confused.

"Our reaping. How was it? On the television?" Katniss asked, I look to Effie, she just shakes her head.

"I'm sorry dear, you had your little...um...episode just as the District 11 tributes were presented. I was concerned for you, I didn't say to watch." Effie's from the Capital, and clearly not used to seeing people in distress. She's almost paler than Katniss and is wringing a handkerchief in her hands nervously. "If you're well enough we can go back, I know! I'll get one of the servers to bring you some warm milk, how does that sound?"

Katniss nods her head; Effie leaves the room to find a server. Katniss takes my hand to help her stand and immediately she puts her head on my chest and wraps her arms around me. I return the hug, holding her tightly and lower my nose to her hair and breathe in her scent. Aside from the Capital shampoo and soap from our shower earlier she still has the earthy scent from her hours in the forest that never seem to leave her, and the spices from the bakery, she smells like home. Katniss will always be my home; our tender moment is interrupted as we hear Effie yelling obscenities at Haymitch. Katniss and I run to the car where we were previously viewing the reaping, my nostrils are immediately assaulted by the smell of vomit, Haymitch must have fallen in it at some point because he is covered in it and you can see every piece of furniture that he has stumbled against. Right now he is holding on to one of the chairs for balance, barely able to stand on his own two feet.

"I'll clean him up," I say, and kiss the top of Katniss' head and go to Haymitch, grabbing him wherever I can find a clean spot on his clothing. I get him to his own room and guide him to the shower. I start the water and throw him in, clothes and all. "Ok old man, I know that you've given up, but this year will be different. Katniss is going home, I'm going to make sure of it, but I need you to help me." I say this, but I don't know if he actually hears me since I threw him in an ice cold shower to wake him up and he's been yelling and cursing. I pull him from the shower when I'm sure that he's been sufficiently woken up and most of the visible vomit is washed down the drain. I help him pull the clothes from his body, and give him a towel to cover himself with, and then help him to his room to help him find some clothing. I've been a bit rough with him, but I can't afford not to be, I need him to take me seriously. As he goes to take a drink from a flask I hit it out of his hands, "No, no drinking, I need you sober this year. It's going to be hard enough, but she can do it, I need you to help me get her home."

Haymitch looks at me angrily, "What do you think you are doing?" He shakes his head, looking disappointedly at the flask and its spilled contents soaking into the carpet on the floor. Finally he looks at me angrily, "Why can't you just enjoy the time that you have left with her? Even if she ever did have a chance to win the games, you don't want her going home. She'll just end up like me, is that what you want?"

I shake my head in disagreement, "She's been through so much, it hasn't stopped her from fighting yet, besides, I've got someone waiting to help her when she comes out the other side a victor."

"The Hawthorne kid? Do you really think she's going to give him the time of day even if she makes it out alive?" Haymitch asks viciously, I'm stunned into silence, apparently even drunk this guy is more observant than I gave him credit for. "I saw him meet with you, anyone in the district can see the triangle you three have going on. Anyone except for you and her I guess, I guess it's not much of a triangle anymore. Day after day I see her sneak into the woods, always going in alone and coming out with him. She's been doing it for years, it was only a matter of time before she was reaped, can't have someone defying the district that way, someone unafraid of the woods the way the Capital told everyone to be." Haymitch is rambling, still half drunk. "I see the Everdeen girl, walking around the Hob, going in and out of the forest, see her with him more than you, but the only time I ever saw her act like a regular girl was years ago as she came out the forest with you. All googly eyed , both of you, thought you were fooling everyone but we could see it. Thought she was like a sister to you until then, never seen her like that since, definitely not with the Hawthorne kid. If she goes home without you, she'll die, she may not lose her life, but trust me, she'll be as good as dead, just like me." Haymitch lost me a little near the end of his rant, but it sends chills up my spine. It seems Haymitch has been watching Katniss, but if I think of it, she enters the forest through a weak spot in the fence half way between the Victors Village and the Merchant Square, I guess he was bound to see her a few times over the years.

I look at him sadly, this man who is supposed to be a victor is only a shadow. He's never had children, or a wife, he's just existed alone. "No, that won't happen to her. She has kind people in her life to live for, she hasn't given up yet and she has had just as much reason to as you have, maybe more. It'll take time but she'll come back to life, she has before." I leave him there in his room, as I walk by I'm vaguely aware that there are servants diligently cleaning Haymitch's mess in the train car, the television still plays but I ignore it, I don't even look at it. I go straight to Katniss, I close the door behind me, she's playing with the buttons on a key pad trying to figure out what they do. She looks to me and smiles in that way that I love so much, she melts my heart, everything about her consumes me. We make love again that night, this time not rushed like we did earlier. I take my time, I learn everything about her, we teach each other, and we take the time to learn how to properly pleasure each other. For a fleeting moment I think I've just made things so much harder for her, that it would have been better to have restrained ourselves and not taken our relationship to this level, but I remind myself that I could be dead in a week.

**Katniss POV**

In the morning I wake to an empty bed, and I'm surprised that in spite of having a breakdown the previous evening I haven't had a night terror. I guess I was too exhausted from the activities that Peeta and I took part in together. I smile thinking of the night before, I'm sore and tired, but I'm eager to find Peeta so I dress and go out to the dining car where I find him having breakfast with Haymitch, who is as sober as I've ever seen him. As I enter the dining car Effie brushes by me with a cup of black coffee. She's muttering obscenities under her breath. Haymitch, his face puffy and red from the previous days indulgences, is chuckling, Peeta holds a roll and looks somewhat embarrassed when he notices me standing there.

"Sit down, sit down." Says Haymitch, waving me over. As I walk behind Peeta to the empty seat beside him I allow my fingers to graze over his shoulders. Peeta is drinking from a rich brown cup of something I've never seen. "They call it hot chocolate" says Peeta, "it's good." I take a sip of the hot sweet creamy liquid and a shudder runs through me. Even though the rest of the meal beckons I ignore it until I finish the drink, then I stuff done every mouthful I can hold, which a substantial amount while being careful not to overdo it on the richest stuff.

When my stomach feels like it's about to split open and lean back and take in my breakfast companions, Peeta is still eating breaking off bits of a roll and dipping them in hot chocolate. Haymitch hasn't paid much attention to his breakfast but he's knocking back a glass of red juice that he keeps thinning with a clear liquid from a bottle. Judging by the fumes it's some kind of spirit. I don't know Haymitch but I've seen them enough in the Hob tossing money on the counter of the woman who sells white liquor. He'll be incoherent by the time we reach the capital. I realize I detest Haymitch.

"So you're supposed to give us advice." I say to Haymitch.

"Here's some advice, stay alive." says Haymitch and then bursts out laughing. I exchange a look with Peter and I'm surprised to see the hardness in his eyes. My Peeta is good-natured and funny and generally mild, I can feel the blush on my cheeks as I inwardly think of every way he was gentle he to me last night.

"That's very funny," says Peeta, and suddenly he lashes out at the glass in Haymitch's hand. It shatters on the floor, sending the blood red liquid running toward the back of the train, "only not to us."

Haymitch considers this a moment then goes to punches Peeta in the jaw, knocking him from his chair. When he turns back to reach for the spirits, I'm in such a rage at what he just did that I drive my knife into the table between his hand in the bottle, barely missing his fingers, and wishing that I hadn't. I brace myself to deflect is hit but it doesn't come instead he sits back and squints at us.

"Well what's this?" Says Haymitch, "did I actually get a pair of fighters this year?" Peeta rises from the floor and scoops of a handful of ice from under the fruit tureen, he starts icing the red mark on his jaw.

"Don't," Haymitch says, stopping him "let the bruise show, the audience will think you've mixed it up with another tribute before you even made it to the arena.

"That's against the rules." says Peeta.

"Only if they catch you. That bruise will saw you fought, that you weren't caught, even better." Says Haymitch, he turns to me. "Can you hit anything with that knife besides the table?" While the bow and arrow is my weapon I realize that if I want to catch Haymitch's attention this is my moment to make an impression. I yank the knife out of the table, get a grip on the blade, and throw it into the wall across the room. I was actually just hoping to get a good solid stick but it lodges in the seam between two panels making me look a lot better than I am. "Stand over here, both of you." says Haymitch and we walk into middle of the room. While we stand he circles us, prodding us like animals at times, checking our muscles examining our faces. "Well, you're not entirely hopeless. Seem fit, and once the stylists get a hold of you you'll be attractive enough. I'll make a deal with you. You don't interfere with my drinking, and I'll stay sober enough to help you, but you have to do exactly what I say."

"Fine" Says Peeta.

"So help us." I say, "When we get to the arena what's the best strategy at the cornucopia for someone-"

"One thing at a time, in a few minutes we'll be pulling into the station. You'll be put in the hands of your stylists, you're not going to like what they do to you but no matter what don't resist." Says Haymitch

"But-," I begin to protest.

"Again no butts, no resisting." Reinforces Haymitch sternly as he takes his bottle of spirits and leaves the train car.

The train is enveloped in darkness a moment later and when we come out Peeta and I can't help but rush to the window to get our first look at the Capital. As we come to the station we see people pointing as they recognize a tribute train rolling into the city. People are holding signs that say "Star Crossed Lovers" or "D12" on them, I'm amazed, there are an awful lot of people in the Capital who cheer for the underdogs I assume.

"Oh my, my, my!" Effie screeches beside me, "We've never had a turn out like this!" she fixes her wig and straightens her clothing as if all of these people are here for her. Even Haymitch looks out one of the windows surprised. Suddenly he turns to us, forces us a little closer together.

"Kiss her, hug her, do something!" Haymitch says to us frantically. We're not show horses, we're a bit surprised by Haymitch's outburst. Peeta and I just look at each other awkwardly, not really knowing what to do. Haymitch groans loudly and covers his eyes with his hands. "Last night, all I can hear is you two going at it, now that I need you two to show something toward each other you look as if you've never touched each other before! Effie, what exactly happened during their reaping presentation last night? What did they say, what was the angle?" He asks.

She looks at him with her hand on her hip, "We didn't get to watch it. I was tending to poor Katniss who had an episode of some sort while you were rolling around in your own vomit."

Haymitch looks out the window once more, "Fine, we'll figure this out, just hold her hand at least or do something." He says to Peeta, and I take his hand as we're told. "Ok, just duck your heads, we'll get you in the tribute centre before they can get too many pictures."

I'm so nervous I'm trembling, I look to Peeta, and he's looking out the window and then looks back to me. He searches my eyes, and then leans down and kisses me just as the doors open, and a million flashes capture our image.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N - Wow...I think this is the longest it has ever taken me to post a new chapter, sorry about that peeps. Anywho, I was wanting this chapter to take us all through K and P's time in the Capital right to THG, but there's just too much...I couldn't do it! So this is as far as I got and I'm just so anxious to update that I thought I'd better post this and hopefully get my thoughts together for the next chapter. I'm still having fun, I've totally got my version of THG all kind of mapped out in my mind, so hopefully updates won't take this long in the future. Thanks for sticking with me, I'm still having so much fun with this!

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**Peeta POV**

I wince as one of the members of my prep team removes the needle from my jaw. It hurt like hell, but I've not uttered one single complaint just as Haymitch instructed. "What was that for anyway?" I ask.

"It's a hair growth depressant; you won't have a prep team in the games you know to keep you looking beautiful." Answers one of them, I don't even want to bother getting to know their names, but this one is a guy who looks like he's really trying too hard to look like a woman.

Over the past two hours they've erased burn scars from my arms that I received from the bakery ovens; my skin has such a shiny polished look. It was really hard not to protest as they looked at my back and realized that the scratches were left there from Katniss, I really wanted to keep those. When I asked if I could they considered it, they even went and asked my stylist, we didn't know this but I guess being one of the only ever set of tributes from any district who are so obviously in love is a big deal here. In the end my stylist thought it would be better to get rid of the scratches, to go for a more innocent star crossed lovers look. I figured it didn't really matter, I'll find time to do the things to Katniss that makes her scratch her nails down my back, but now I'm really wondering when they are thinking my back would be exposed for everyone else to see. I hope these stylist aren't considering making us go out there naked, although, it's been done before.

My prep team deems me ready to meet Portia, my stylist. They've left me here on their prep table in nothing but a medical gown; I'm surprised when Haymitch enters with my Portia and another man. They introduce him to me as Cinna, he's the head stylist and Portia is more just his apprentice. They've been collaborating on how they are going to present us, but since there has been a turn of events in how much of a splash we've made in the Capital so far all on our own I think the game plan is changing.

"Peeta, I'm so sorry for what has happened to you and Katniss. It must have been very hard for you when she was reaped." Cinna says to me, he holds his hand out to me and I shake it. He's been the first person so far that seems to realize that being reaped is a death sentence, not a privilege.

"Peeta, the Capital is going crazy for you two, they really can't get enough. The spot light is on the both of you already. The sponsors are going crazy." Haymitch says happily. It's weird to see him when he's not embarrassingly drunk, we must be a big deal if he has forgotten about his bottle. He and the stylists look over my body, I just stand there and let them, I really don't know what else to do. They are talking to each other, Cinna and Portia take measurements, decide if any of the work that they've done so far is still usable or if they should just scrap it, and in the end they decide to stick with the plan. A man with purple lipstick and orange corkscrew hair comes in and tells Cinna that Katniss has been cleaned up and is ready, he gives me a look up and down, I scowl at him which somehow seems to excite him and he's smiling as he leaves. I don't like him, I don't like the prep team, but I have to admit, the stylists themselves aren't so bad. When they're not wrapped up in their own vision of what we look like they did treat me like a human being, not just a pawn for entertainment.

When Portia is done helping me dress and after applying a light touch of make-up to my face she takes me to the stables and leaves to find Cinna. The other tributes are here and they look at me, some look afraid, but the Careers are gathered together already, sizing me up. I'm glad for my muscular frame, which although not quite as big as the career from District 2 I'm still big enough to be considered a formidable opponent. I turn back to Portia when she returns, she explains to me the synthetic fire that is going to enflame my costume for the tribute parade. Through her explanation I was skeptical, maybe I'd have felt better about the whole thing if they'd dressed me in more than this black leotard thing, it feels so thin. I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around, Katniss is standing there and she takes my breath away again. She's beautiful, the make-up they've put on her is minimal like my own, but her features are drawn out in a more striking way, and her long hair is up and kind of all piled on her head. I always love Katniss in her natural state, never thought she needed improvement, and I'm glad the capital didn't change her too drastically. She's still utterly recognizable as herself, and I'm thankful for that. I smile at her and she gives a slight scowl when she looks at me and frowns.

"They cut your hair, it's so short now." She reaches up the way she would have if my hair were still the length it was before my prep team cut it, it wasn't that long before, just shaggier and my blond waves would always fall into my eyes, but Katniss seemed to like it so I always kept it that way. Now it's been cut very short on the side, although it's still got enough length on top but its been brushed back and held in place with hair products. I catch her hand the way I used to when we were alone and she would push the hair from my eyes, our eyes lock on each other, but this time I press her palm to my lips. The scowl leaves her face and she gives me a small smile. "It'll grow back." She says to me. She makes me smile; I hope she doesn't see the sadness in my eyes as I realize...it won't.

Again we are interrupted by a camera flash as a Capital photographer captures our image. The scowl returns to Katniss' face, and I can feel one form on mine as well. I hate that we have to perform for these cameras, but it's how you get sponsors, and Katniss needs every advantage she can get in the arena. We hear the anthem play and the first couple of districts are already heading out of the stables for the parade, we hear the crowd roaring outside. Cinna hurries us to our chariot, and is yelling instructions to us, but I really can't hear or understand him at all, the roar of the crowd and the anthem are too loud. Once we're in the chariot Cinna comes over and ignites our capes. I wait for the pain, but it doesn't come and I'm relieved. Our horses pull us forward and he'll still trying to tell us something. "He wants us to hold hands." Katniss says. I take her hand and hold it up to show Cinna; he nods his head and looks relieved.

Katniss is trembling, she looks to me and I give her a reassuring smile, she smiles and gives my hand a squeeze. When our chariot leaves the stables and the crowd sees us it gets noticeably louder. Our costumes are awesome, we are utterly recognizable, and the stylist did a great job. We have captured everyone's attention, the stylists are excited and praising us on our performance when we return the stables, Katniss even surprised me by blowing

kisses to the crowd and she looked as if she had fun with it. We definitely had the most camera time of any other pair of tributes, especially Katniss. We take the elevator to the twelfth floor of the tribute centre, Katniss puts her hand in mine as we are whisked skyward at surprising speed, it makes my stomach drop and I'm not really looking forward to the next time I have to do that. We are shown to our living quarters again, this time Effie makes Haymitch show me mine while she takes Katniss to hers, I think she's afraid I'll pull another stunt like I did on the train. It really doesn't matter, as soon as Haymitch leaves I find a set of clothing to change into, a set for tomorrow and head out to find Katniss' room. I assume it's the one right across the hall, so I knock on it, she answers. She's dressed as I am, still in our tribute parade costumes, we have some fun removing them from each other, we head to the shower again and I make it my mission to put back every single love bite on her body that the prep team erased, and like the night before on the train, as I enter her in the shower the pleasure makes her scratch her nails down my back, it hurts so good, I love bringing out the animal in her. When we finish we head out to the dining area and have a nice dinner with Effie, Haymitch and the stylists, and afterward we head into a sitting room to watch a replay of the opening ceremonies that's being broadcast. A few of the other couples make a nice impression, but none of them can hold a candle to us. Even our own party lets out an "Ahh!" As they show us coming out of the Parade Centre.

"Whose idea was the hand holding?" asks Haymitch.

"Cinna's." says Portia.

"Just the perfect touch of rebellion." Says Haymitch. "Very nice." I don't really know what he means by rebellion, as I watch the other tribute pairs I realize that we are the only ones who appear to be going into these games as a team. Presenting ourselves as friends has distinguished us from everyone else, from what I can remember this strategy has never been executed ever. Tributes always seem stiff and apart, hardly acknowledging each other. "Tomorrow morning is the first training session. Meet me for breakfast and I'll tell you exactly how I want you to play it." Says Haymitch to Katniss and me. "Now go get some sleep, actual sleep, not whatever it is you two were doing last night while the grown-ups talk." Katniss gives Haymitch a scowl and gets up annoyed at his comment, I find it a little funny and a small smile slips from my face, I look to Haymitch quickly and he's rolling his eyes at the expression on my face. I have to walk quickly to catch up to Katniss down the corridor to her room. As soon as I enter she closes the door firmly behind me.

**Katniss POV**

I'm very upset with Haymitch after that comment that he made about the things that Peeta and I did last night. It's none of his business, it's none of anyone's business, but we're in the games now and I know that it's not true. I put my head against the door once I close it, trying to collect my thoughts. This will bring sponsors, this will give Peeta a chance to survive these games, I know he thinks he came here so that he can help me win, but how can I go back without Peeta? He's been my rock for so long I know that there is no way that I will ever be able to put the pieces of myself back together again without him, most importantly I won't want to. I feel his hand on my shoulder and I turn around without looking at him I let him pull me into his comforting hug again. "I wish this didn't happen this way." I whisper, not sure if I really want him to hear it. "I wish our being together didn't have to be broadcast for everyone's entertainment."

"I know, but think of the sponsors. We've got to do everything to get you home." Peeta says as he pulls away from he slightly to look in my eyes. Then suddenly, they change, the colour seems to drain from them. "Does it make me a terrible person if I say I'm grateful for all of this?" He asks and holds his arms out indicating the whole room, or possible, all of the Capital itself. "We never would have been able to come together like this if it weren't for the games, or…even the other thing." I know he means that night when Prim and my mother died. I'm a little surprised, he's never brought it up this way before, admitted that in some way that night was a kind of blessing. I have to admit to myself, without living with the Mellarks my life would have been much harder, and I can only wonder at the type of person I would have turned out to be. Certainly I wish my baby sister didn't have to die, but I can't say that my life with the Mellarks, or more specifically Peeta has been bad. I've come to love them all, and the other people in my life. I've never contemplated too much about the fact that without one I wouldn't have had the other, there's really no point. It only brings a wave of guilt over me, and it's not like I can change anything anyway, despite the night terrors that happen at that time every year, I've made my peace with the whole situation.

I realize I've been thinking of this longer than I thought, and that Peeta is dying slightly at the thought that I do think that he's a monster. He's sitting on the bed now with his head in his hands, as if he is also consumed by guilt for this thing that he wishes never happened to us, but how can you wish it to have never happened when this love that we share for each other feels so right. I go to him and take one of his strong bakers hands in my own. "I think we would have come together." I say tentatively. "I can't imagine being with anyone other than you. I've certainly never felt love like this with anyone other than you." I try to reassure him.

"What about Gale?" Peeta asks quietly.

This surprises me. I've never thought of Gale as anything more than a friend and hunting partner. I chuckle lightly. "Gale is my friend, that's all. I've never a single time thought of him as more than anything else, the love between you and me is too real Peeta, I'll never love anyone else my entire life, only you." I lean towards him to kiss him, but he pulls away suddenly.

"Please don't say things like that, when this is all over I want you to be able to move on with your life. I'm going to make sure that you win these games Katniss." He says to me fiercely. "Promise me you'll win, promise that you'll go home and take care of my family and move on, if not with Gale then someone else. Get married, have children, grow old like you're supposed to, don't die with me in that arena." Peeta says desperately.

I look into his eyes and in this moment I realize that we are enemies. I have absolutely no intention of winning these games, if I can't marry Peeta and have his children I don't want that future at all. I certainly don't want to make children in this world, not in a world where they could be reaped. The only thing that ever convinced me of it before this was Peeta's kindness, our children would grow to be kind like him, and not in the Seam where they could starve to death, I wouldn't let that happen, I would teach them to hunt, to be strong, and Peeta would teach them to survive, and his hope always got me through the reaping, besides, kids like Peeta and I, with almost no entries in the games are never reaped, and that's what I would have made sure of for my children, that they go through reapings with only a minimum amount of entries like we did. And now that chance will never happen because I was fooling myself, no one can escape the reapings, not even safe little merchant kids like us. So it's in this moment that I tell Peeta the only lie I've ever told him, by nodding my head in agreement and letting him think that I will move on without him. I won't give myself that opportunity, I will make sure that Peeta wins these games, because I don't think any Everdeen is meant to live a long and happy life, so the best life I can hope for is one that is short and sweet, and fill my last remaining days here with Peeta, in our happy love making, games playing bliss, soaking up every minute that we have left with each other.

In the morning we leave my room to meet Haymitch for breakfast as he instructed us. He gives us a bit of a smirk when he sees us leave my room together at the same time he is coming into the hallway from his room, I really detest Haymitch and his cocky grin, but I'll put up with him if that means that he'll help Peeta.

We all eat our breakfast together in the dining room as we did the night before. When Haymitch is has finished several platters of stew, he pushes back his plate with a sigh. He takes a flask from this pocket and takes a long pull on it and puts his elbows on the table. "So let's get down to business. Training. First off, if you like, I'll coach you separately. Decide now."

"Why would you coach us separately?" I ask.

"Say if you had a secret skill that you might not want the other to know about," says Haymitch.

I exchange a look with Peeta. "We don't have any secret skills that the other doesn't know about." Peeta says.

"Yeah, I'll bet you don't." Haymitch says under his breath with a bit of a chuckle.

I scowl and purse my lips together, giving him the evilest look I absolutely can, "You can coach us together." I tell Haymitch, Peeta nods.

"Alright, so give me some idea of what you can do." Says Haymitch.

"I can't do anything," says Peeta. "Unless you count baking bread." I look at Peeta surprised.

"Sorry, I don't. Katniss. I already know you're handy with a knife," says Haymitch.

"Not really, but I can hunt," I say. "With a bow and arrow." I'm having a really hard time letting Peeta's comment slide about not being able to do anything except bake bread.

"And you're good?" Asks Haymitch.

"I'm alright." I say cautiously. Still waiting for my Peeta to speak up the way I know he will.

"She's excellent," says Peeta. "Whenever she brings home squirrels the arrows never pierce the body. She hits every one in the eye. It's the same with the rabbits she sells the butcher. She can even bring down a deer." I wait for him to say more, like how I taught him and his brothers to do the same, how in the summers he often comes with me and helps me if Gale can't come for the hunt, but he doesn't say any of that. Admittedly he's not as good as me or Gale, but the fact of it is he has the experience, I have enough confidence that he would be able to do it on his own, he just doesn't unless I'm with him.

"What are you doing?" I ask him suspiciously.

"What are you doing? If he's going to help you, he has to know what you're capable of. Don't underrate yourself." Says Peeta.

This rubs me the wrong way, and I know exactly why, because he's doing exactly the same thing to himself. "What about you? You can lift hundred-pound bags of flour." I snap at him. "Tell him that, that's not nothing."

"Yes, and I'm sure the arena will be full of bags of flour for me to chuck at people. It's not like being able to use a weapon, and you know it isn't." He shoots back.

"He can wrestle," I tell Haymitch. "He came in second in our school competition last year, only after he let his brother win. Not only that but he's pretty handy with a knife too. There's always hand-to-hand combat. All you need to do is come up with a knife and you'll stand a chance. If I get jumped, I'm dead."

Peeta slams his hands on the table, it makes Haymitch and I jump. He looks at me with as much anger as I've ever seen in his eyes. "You will not get jumped; we will not be separated in that arena. I will protect you with everything I have, everything." He's very intense, I'm not used to this from Peeta, and the fierceness makes me cower a little at the change in him. "I will not let you die, don't even think of it Katniss, I know you, I know what you are thinking, and if you die that's it for me, there is nothing else. If you die I will make it my mission to annihilate whoever did it to you and then burn the entire arena to the ground and I'll go down with it and the Capital will just have to do with no Victor at all this year." Peeta says the last part rather eerily, it leaves chills running down my spine, he knows me well. "You'll be living up in some tree eating raw squirrels and picking off people with arrows. People will be tripping over each other to sponsor you."

"No more than you." I say, although some of the fight has left my voice, he's taken me by surprise with his intensity that I will make it home. Does he really think that I would want to survive without him?

Peeta rolls his eyes at Haymitch. "She has not idea. The effect she can have." He runs his fingernail along the wood grain in the table, refusing to look at me.

I have to wonder what on earth does he mean? People help me? Aside from the kindness that his parents and brothers have shown me I have made a point to remain as independent as I possibly can, yes, I live with the Mellarks, but I have made it known that it is not a free ride. I don't know the effect that I have that he is referring to. His last comment reignites the fight in me and I scowl at Peeta, Haymitch, takes another long pull from his flask. I'm not sure what he's thinking, but either way it's not good. Just when he thought he had a pair who had the will to fight, it seems that instead he actually has a pair of suicidal teenagers in the middle of a lovers quarrel on his hands.

"Ok, so obviously we all have our own strengths here. Katniss, there is no guarantee there will be a bow and arrow in the games, but during your private session with the game makers show them what you can do. Until then steer clear of archery. Peeta, don't underestimate your strength in the arena. Very often, physical power tilts the advantage to a player. In the Training Centre, they will have weights, but don't reveal how much you can life in front of the other tributes. The plan's the same for both of you. You will go to group training. Spend the time trying to learn something you don't know. Throw a spear. Swing on mace. Save showing what your best at for your private sessions. Are we clear?" Says Haymitch. Peeta and I nod. "One last thing. In public, I want you by each other side every minute, you will be together, and you will get caught trying to have private moments to yourselves, especially when the cameras are around. Now get out. Meet Effie at the elevator at ten for training."

What follows is three days of training, where we are seriously trying to learn these skills that we need, but also disguise it by being hopelessly in love with each other. It works, at the camouflage station, I see the old Peeta come back as he gets to work with the different paints that we would never be able to find in District 12, no matter how many trades I make. He swirls a combination of mud and clay and berry juices around on his pale skin, weaving disguises from vines and leaves. "He's an artist, and he decorates the cakes at the bakery." I say with genuine pride when the instructor compliments him on his skills. I say it loud enough that some of the tributes let out a huff and walk away. We are pretty much left alone for the rest of the time we spend in the training centre, with the exception of the little girl from District 11. When I notice her, I have to take a minute to breathe deeply and try to relax. I keep taking glances at her as if to desensitize myself from her. Peeta rubs circles on my back with the palm of his hand. The tenseness between us that formed this morning has almost vanished by lunch time. We familiarize ourselves with the different breads from the other districts when we notice that almost all seem to be represented in the bread baskets that are laid out on all the tables.

On the third day of training, they start to call us out of lunch for our private sessions with the Gamemakers. District by district, first the boy then the girl tribute. We linger in the dining room, unsure where else to go. Peeta takes my hand, "Right now, in this moment Katniss, I want to remind you that I love you for real. Not for the games, or the sponsors, but for us. I love you, I always have." I can feel he's trembling a bit, nervous to go in to show his skills for the Gamemakers. I kiss him deeply, there are no flashes to interrupt us, we are alone.

"Together, always." I say to him the way we always used to say it to each other, realizing at just how far we have come to keep that promise to each other.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N - Sorry people, I like my updates to be more frequent than they have been recently, but life just keeps demanding my attention! Booo...anyway. I'm torn about how this chapter turned out, it's extra fluffy, and maybe a bit repetitive, but if it were my last days with the love of my life I think I would lay on the fluff extra thick. This is all Peeta POV, but the next chapter or two will probably be devoted to Katniss POV so I just went with it. Hope you enjoy!

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**Peeta POV**

I stare at the eleven flashing on the screen next to Katniss' name, dumbfounded. Effie Trinket lets out a squeal, and everybody is slapping Katniss on the back and cheering and congratulating her, it doesn't seem real, I'm having a hard time comprehending what is happening right now in this moment, I feel like the air has been sucked from my lungs. "There must be some kind of mistake. How…how could that happen?" Katniss asks Haymitch.

"I guess they liked your temper," He answers her. "They've got a show to put on. They need some players with some heat."

"Katniss, the girl who was on fire," says Cinna and gives her a hug. "Oh, wait until you see your interview dress."

"More flames?" She asks.

"Of a sort," Cinna answers mischievously.

Finally she looks to me. This is probably one of the most awkward unnatural moments that we have ever had between us; I congratulate her stiffly, as if this girl in front of me isn't the love of my life. "Don't worry Peeta, an eight is good too. Like I said, we can work with that." Effie says as if she is reassuring me. I look to her and give her a scowl; she can't really think that I'm jealous of Katniss' eleven. She's drawn a target on her back for herself; she's taken the heat off of me and put it on herself. All the work that we've been doing the past few days, playing up the star crossed lovers image, doing basically nothing in training, making ourselves look weak so that the Careers won't immediately target us is gone. She ruined it all with a single arrow, I've been on edge since she came back and told us what she did, I haven't said a word to her. She knows exactly what she's done, I can tell by the way she's looking rebelliously into my eyes. I may have made it clear to her that my intention is to make sure that she gets out of these games alive, but she's showing me just how much better she is at their game than I am.

She knows I'm angry with her, and usually the best thing is to give me time to cool down, so I'm not surprised when she escapes to her room as quickly as possible. I stand there watching her leave down the hallway. When I hear the door shut I turn to Haymitch, Cinna, and Effie. "How sure are you that you can get her out?" I ask bluntly.

Effie looks surprised, but Haymitch answers, "Well she's done us a favour tonight. It'll be easy to get her sponsors after this."

"But what about the Careers, the other tributes, what about them? Can't you see she's painted a target on her back? She has no intention of winning these games." I say to them through clenched teeth loud enough for the adults to hear, but low enough so Katniss can't hear me, hopefully even low enough so she wouldn't be able to hear if she were eavesdropping like I know she would, she's learned a thing or two from my mother about eavesdropping. Katniss is especially good at it because her hunting skills make for a very light tread, sometimes she can even sneak up on my brothers and scare the daylights out of them, and our floor in the apartment in the bakery is so old, there's not a single floor board that doesn't groan in protest with every step a normal person makes. The adults in the room are silent as they consider this; I guess going into the games with a death wish isn't something they expected to encounter in the Hunger Games, not from both of their tributes at least. "She needs to make it out alive, she doesn't think that she'll survive, but she will. I'm committed to getting her out; I've done everything I can to make sure that she has a reason to live, people to live for." I say.

"You've told her this? You've told her your intentions to die for her?" asks Cinna. I nod my head in confirmation.

"We'll coach you separately." Haymitch says.

"What good will that do?" I ask defeated.

"Basically you've told her your plan step by step so far, if you have one. She's been able to think of ways to one up you, like the stunt with the arrow at the Gamemakers. She knew she had to do something to get their attention." Haymitch says. "Look, all the attention has been on you so far, volunteering for her and all. Right now, she's just a pretty girl, you need to make her look desirable…no, more than that. Someone worth following, someone worth dying for. We need to get the nation and the Capital to fall in love with Katniss Everdeen, which would tip the scales in her favour. The most popular tributes usually last longer, and get the most advantages. Just look at what they did for Finnick Odair."

The stylist and Effie nod their heads in agreement, I have to admit, Haymitch is smart and he has a point. "The games are about to start, the only chance I have is tomorrow night at the interviews." I say.

Cinna puts his hand on my shoulder, "Don't stress about it. I suggest you go to her. Remind yourself of everything you love about her. We'll do everything we can, but you need to come up with the words yourself. Just forget about this, you only have so much time left together, and if you are determined to give your life for this girl, don't spend what could be your last remaining few days being angry with her."

I nod my head, he's right about this too. I silently leave the room and hesitate at my door and consider giving myself some space from her for the night. Deep down I know that won't happen, so instead of wasting time torturing myself I just enter her room without knocking. She's sitting on the edge of her bed, and stands when she sees me. "I know you want it to be me who survives these games, but I won't do it. I know you think that I'll be able to pick up the broken pieces of myself when you're gone, but I won't…."I go to her and put my finger to her lips to silence her from trying to explain what she did. I brush the hair from her face and her eyes flutter shut. "Let's just agree, there will be no winners of this game. I really don't want to spend our last few days together arguing about who is going to win, or who will survive. I just want to live in this moment with you for as long as I can." I kiss her deeply, she returns the kiss enthusiastically. I wish we had years to do this, we remove each other's shirts, we should have more time, in a fair world we would have suffered enough and been able to live our lives out happily. I run my fingers down her bare shoulder and follow with kisses that run up along her jaw line, I can see her eyes flutter shut in pleasure. Her finger tips run up along my spine, it makes my body shudder. I press my hardness into her, and her hand finds the bulge in my pants and I long to get rid of all of the clothing that we are wearing, I try to take my time, really I do, but she has figured out how to drive me wild. We finish undressing and I take her to the bed where I feel her wetness with my fingers, and draw circles the way I know she likes on the little nub of nerves near her entrance. The sounds she makes when I pleasure her, it makes me crazy, I love this girl so much. She pulls my hair and kisses me, arches her back, she tries to get closer to me any way she can. It's too much for me and somehow she is on top of me again, this seems to be her favourite way to make love to me, other than the shower. How am I supposed to pick just one reason that I love her, how can I explain that in three minutes. "Harder," She whispers into my ear. I think I'm going to die from lust for Katniss before I ever make it to the Hunger Games, if only this were an option. I roll her onto her back and take command, I enter her as deep as I can, her head tilts back and after a few minutes we both come at the same time. I lay breathless beside her until I'm ready to go again, this time I kiss every part of her body, finding all the places that tickle her and make her laugh as much as I can before I enter her. I've tried, but I don't think she's had enough laughter in her life. It'll take a while, but I hope she finds a way to laugh again, the world can't live without her smile, or the sound that she makes when she giggles. The sound reminds me of the music she sings so beautifully. Deep into the night, when we're both spent, but not able to sleep I ask her to sing to me. She sings The Hanging Tree, it seems appropriate for a time like this.

In the morning I'm scared as hell. I've not ever made Katniss too angry with me over the years, but I knew Haymitch was going to tell her at breakfast that we'd discussed the nigth before, that it would be better if we were coached separately I could feel her betrayal at the core of my being. I left the room before she woke, and went to eat breakfast very early. Cinna was in the dining room also eating. He could see how troubled I was and said he knew a place where I could clear my mind. He took me to the roof of the tribute centre, being this high above the capital was great. He left me alone to think, I knew at this moment Haymitch was depending on me to come up with what I would say to Caesar Flickerman tonight, but all I could think of was how angry she was going to be.

Sure enough, after i've been on the roof for about an hour I hear the door to the roof swing open loudly. "You want to be coached separately?" She yells at me across the roof. I put my head down and look at my shoes, I sigh, I knew this was coming. I turn and looked at her, she's fuming, her grey eyes as stormy as ever. She comes marching up to me, I'm sure she's ready to tear me a new one, "You don't trust me anymore, it that it? Peeta, you know that there is no way I'm even going to consider going home without you!" She stood toe to toe with me. Quickly I wrapped my arm around her waist and forcefully demanded a kiss from her lips. She struggled at first against it, but I eventually won. It was intense, and eventually she was clinging to me, pressing her body as close to mine as she could get. I pulled away from the kiss, breathless, knowing I had to say something to her to explain this betrayal that she had every right to be angry with me for.

"I know you won't consider going home with me, and you must realize by now that going home with you isn't an option for me either. So let's just stop this fighting against each other, neither of us will win. Let's just fight every minute for each other, every minute in the games we have together we'll count it as a victory." She seems to think of this for a minute. I let out a light chuckle, "and no, when it comes to this I don't trust you. You're too stubborn, I know you. You know we need sponsors, and I need you to work to live as long as you can so that I have something to live for if nothing else, if your goal is to get me home, and you die in the first few minutes of the games, that's it, I'm done no matter what you want, I'll just give up. We need to focus on these games; we are running out of time. At this point the best strategy we can have is to focus on how to live long enough to save the other." I watch the wheels turning in her head behind those eyes of hers. She seems to be considering it, and really I'm right anyway. I won't be any help to Katniss if I die at the bloodbath at the Cornucopia. She nods her head finally, and I'm relieved. At least for today, hopefully, I can concentrate on getting her the upper hand in these games.

We head back down to the dining room where Haymitch and Effie are waiting for us, they take all day to prep us for our interviews, and then the afternoon is spent with the stylists. Katniss is so beautiful it physically hurts me to look at her. When we go to line up backstage in the City Circle where the interviews are to be televised I see everyone else is jealous of her, of both of us maybe, again we are dressed to complement each other. None of the other stylist has taken this approach with their tributes, and together Katniss and I appear to be one of the more attractive tributes and we are sure to be a focus for the night. We stand and wait in line for our turn, I have my hands on Katniss' shoulders, I can feel her trembling. Speaking for a crowd has never been her strong suit, I hope Haymitch and Effie pulled a miracle out of their bag of tricks, I imagine she's been a terror for them both all day. She hates speaking for crowds, when it's her turn she looks at me with fear in her eyes; I give her a quick kiss, a smile and watch her from the TV screen behind the stage. She's amazing; she starts out obviously petrified, but warms up talking about lamb stew with Caesar.

"So tell me Katniss, how did you feel when at first you hear your name in called in the reaping, then to have the love of your life Peeta Mellark volunteer to go with you in the games?"

I'm curious as to the answer of this myself. We've never talked about how she felt about me volunteering for the Hunger Games. I can see that she is flustered and searching for an answer, "I was relieved that I have a chance to repay Peeta for saving my life so many times, and that when I die, if he lives, I've actually won these games. He's given me a chance to win by saving him."

At that moment the buzzer sounds, Caesar groans in disappointment, and says to the crowd, "Now wouldn't we love to get more information on that one, sadly Miss. Everdeen's time is up." He kisses her hand, she waves to the crowd and walks to her seat.

I was ushered forward just as Caesar was introducing me, I walked across the stage gave the best smile that I could. Inside I'm terrified, but outwardly no one would know. I'm good at that, like Katniss I can also mask my features, but whereas she does it with an unreadable mask I can do it behind a mask of happiness and confidence. Caesar and I start the interview off well, years of working in the bakery, making small talk to the customers, trying to get these people who may be spending their last coin just to put a bit of bread on the table to laugh and feel good is what I do best. My father taught me and my brothers that although we may be more fortunate than those at the Seam doesn't mean that they are any less than us, and that we need to go out of our way to make everyone feel welcome in our bakery. So Caesar and I laugh and smile and make the crowd laugh, then he gets serious.

"So Peeta, we at the Capital have been witness to your love for Katniss Everdeen. How long has this been going on?" He asks.

"We'll I've been in love with her for practically my whole life, but these past few days and with the games right around the corner I just can't find a reason to hold myself back anymore." I say light heartedly.

"Oh, I agree, but I'll bet Katniss isn't the first heart you've stolen, I bet you're quite the heartbreaker in District 12, a handsome lad like you." Cesar teases, doubting my love to Katniss for the entire nation to see. I realize he's testing me to see if this is just another play for the games, or perhaps to create doubt in the citizens for my love for Katniss, this rubs me the wrong way.

"No, it's only ever been Katniss." I say flatly, forgetting about my mask for a moment.

"Well, I don't think any of us can blame you. It'd be hard not to fall for that young lady. But tell us, Peeta, what is it about this young lady that captures you so?" He asks.

I hesitate, the same as Katniss did, "She's a survivor, and she doesn't even know it. Yeah, when I was a kid I fell in love with her initially because her voice, when she sings…the birds fall silent so they can listen, but over the years as I got to know her...she's just amazing. She grew up in the Seam, where in our district there is extreme poverty, but every day at school she was happy, she loved life. And then when her life was ripped apart, and she had every reason to give up, she just didn't. She changes people, somehow makes them better, she's a fighter, and she's someone worth loving...worth devoting your life to." I finish, the crowd is quiet, and Caesar is looking at me with a serious and fake sympathetic look on his face.

"But I think she credits you with saving her." Caesar reminds me.

I shake my head, "No, she wouldn't have given up. She doesn't see it, that thing within her that will always keep fighting. I was just lucky enough to be by her side when she decided to keep surviving, to keep fighting."

The music starts, signalling the end of our conversation, I wave to the crowd and join the other tributes as they all stand for the anthem. I cannot avoid seeing that every screen is not dominated by a shot of Katniss and me, separated by a few feet that in the viewers heads can never be breached. Poor tragic us.

After the anthem, the tributes file back into the Training Centre lobby and onto the elevators. Its mild chaos and Katniss and I end up in separate elevators. As soon as I step off the elevator on our floor I'm assaulted by Katniss, she launches herself into my arms and I'm so caught off guard that we fall together against an ugly urn filled with fake flowers. It smashes into the ground and when I try to catch us my hand lands against one of the shards and I can feel the skin on my hand split open, but Katniss' kiss lands on my lips before I can cry out in pain. She pulls away from me, "What was that for?" I ask laughing despite the pain and blood flowing from my hands.

"You had no right! No right to say those things about me" She shouts at me. "Of course everything I am is because of you!" She kisses me again. I hear the elevator open again and am aware of Effie, Haymitch Cinna, and Portia, but I only have so many more times to kiss Katniss Everdeen, and I'm not about to break this one. This is the most earnest display of affection that Haymitch, Effie, and the stylists have seen from both of us, of course they've seen the kisses for the cameras, but I feel Katniss' tears landing on my own cheeks. I pull away from her, "you idiot, of course it was you that I survived for. It's always been you keeping me going." She whispers to me.

"What's going on?" says Effie, a note of hysteria in her voice, "Did you fall?" I don't know if the hysteria is from seeing us on the floor in a very passionate embrace, or from the blood flowing from my hands and smeared on Katniss' cheek.

"Yeah, I fell." I laugh.

We spend the night that we should be spending sleeping sitting up looking out the windows at the festivities happening in the city below us. We make fun of the Capital people, we talk about the games, we hold each other, but every minute we don't spend sleeping is an invitation for death in the arena, but this could very well be my last night with Katniss Everdeen, and I'm not planning on sleeping through it. As we watch the sunrise I say to her "Don't let them change us in there. We die as ourselves. Don't let them turn us in to some kind of monsters that we aren't."

"Do you mean you won't kill anyone?" She asks me, fear in her gray eyes.

"No, when the time comes, I'm sure I'll kill just like everybody else. I can't go down without a fight. Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to…to show the Capital that they don't own us. That we are more than just a piece in their Games." I try to explain.

She sits against my chest thinking of what I just said. After a few minutes she admits, "I think I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember. I remember my father taking me with him to the bakery whenever he traded squirrels for bread with your father because he knew I liked the "boy with the bread and blue eyes." That night I saw you, when your you and your parents found me, I thought my father sent you to find me because he knew that you were probably the only other person left I would fight to live for, that if somehow we could be together I would find a way to live again."

I let out an incredulous breath in surprise, "When we were twelve, Katniss? You didn't even know me."

"I knew you were kind, I knew you were someone worth fighting for. I knew that even if I didn't know you, you were someone special. You were exactly what I needed, and you are my forever." She says, smiling as she looks at me through her tears. She puts her head on my shoulder and hugs me, I lean towards her hair and inhale her scent, I wish forever were longer.

"Katniss, I need you to promise me, if I die tomorrow you need to fight to live. Remember when I'm gone that all that I am or ever was is because I've had you to love. This is not goodbye, I'm not giving up, but these things that I feel for you will never change for you at all, no matter what happens."

She doesn't answer me, it's barely dawn but at that moment we hear Cinna and Portia get off the elevator. A moment later they find us near the window and guide us to the roof to take us to the catacombs for final preparation. We're separated, Cinna takes Katniss in the hovercraft, Portia and I are taken in the next one almost immediately after I sit I'm injected with my tracker.

I try to eat, I try to drink, but after nearly an hour I'm standing on the cylinder that pushes me toward the sky and into the Games. My stomach is fluttering, my palms are sweaty, I look around myself and am so relieved to see that this arena seems to have been made for Katniss. Trees and open air and bright sunlight, this could be a clearing in the forest of District 12, Katniss has the advantage. As Claudius Templesmith's voice booms all around me "Ladies and gentleman, let the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games begin!" my eyes lock on the silver sheath of arrows and a bow near the mouth of the Cornucopia. I look to find Katniss about five tributes to my left, she's still inspecting everything.

"Don't see them, don't see the bow and arrows," I think to myself, Haymitch's instructions the night before were simple, run from the bloodbath, get as far away as possible, run, don't die, find water. But I see her eyes find them and my heart falls into my stomach when I see her fingers itching to get the weapons and a plan forming in her head. Why can't she just listen to instructions?

She looks to me, the timer is still ticking down, I shake my head, "No" is the word that I mouth to her. The gong sounds and all the tributes are off running, either to the Cornucopia or away from it. I stay where I am waiting to see what she does, she hesitates, her feet shuffle in confusion at the direction she wants to go, and then she lunges forward and scoops up a sheet of plastic and a loaf of bread a few yards from her. I see her spot the orange backpack, but I see the tribute from District 9 running for it as well. I run in their direction, they reach the pack at the same time but I'm closing in on them, I feel like I'm running faster than I've ever run before knowing that she'll fight for the backpack, and I haven't paid enough attention to the other tributes to know what this one can do, but in any case he's a threat to Katniss and I'm not going to let him lay a hand on her, they've just started to grapple for it when I tackle the kid from the side, I'm confused by the blood that he coughs into my face. "There's a knife in his back!" Katniss yells. I wipe the blood from my face and Katniss yells "Run! District 2 is coming!" I look up in time to see the girl from District 2 winding up to throw a knife at me, I hold up the boy from District 9 enough to block the knife from hitting me, her sights are already on Katniss and I nearly die right there seeing the knife whistling towards Katniss, but as if she senses it she hikes up the backpack and it sticks into it, instead of Katniss. I run, give the girl from District 2 a shove as I run past, knocking her off her feet and run in pursuit of Katniss and into the forest that she knows so well.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N - Sorry, super rough, I was just so excited I had the time and motivation to finish this tonight I wanted to get this posted ASAP! Enjoy!

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**Katniss POV**

I've just reached the edge of the forest when I stop to turn around to look for Peeta, I can't hear his footsteps behind me, but I'm relieved see him catching up to me only a few yards away. I survey the field and see about a dozen tributes hacking away at each other and several more already dead on the ground. I turn to continue running just before Peeta reaches me, knowing he will follow me. I run into the fox faced girl from District 5, we hardly have time to look at one another before Peeta breaks through the woods and scoops me to my feet and we continue running. After I feel like we've sufficiently put enough space between us and the bloodbath at the Cornucopia I slow to a steady jog that I think Peeta and I can maintain for a long time. I know Peeta's fast, but he's a sprinter, I'm the one used to travelling long distances for a long time. While we are alternating between jogging and walking I remove the knife and hand it to Peeta who looks it over and gives it a nod of approval, it's got a long sharp blade and is serrated near the handle; we're used to using much less fine weaponry than this. "Maybe you should carry it, if we get separated I've got the backpack, at least you'll have the knife." I say, knowing when he looks at me with a raised eyebrow that he's not going to go along with that suggestion.

"I thought you said that I would be able to handle myself in hand-to-hand combat? You need the knife Katniss, at least if I get into it with someone you can help me out by sticking a knife in them somehow, but if we get separated you know I want you to have the weapon." He says. I roll my eyes at him; it was worth a shot I guess. We continue walking until late in the afternoon when we decide to stop and take a break, satisfied that we've put enough distance between us and our competitors. We need to go through the backpack before nightfall anyway. We've seen wildlife, but what we haven't seen yet is water, none at all, which I'm worried about. I hope they aren't thinking of forcing us all to go to the lake for water, we've travelled to far for that to be an option for us anymore. The cannons start to go off, we count eleven, eleven dead tributes, at least I can rest at ease that we are together, if we were separated I don't know what I would have done. I'm more exhausted and thirsty than I thought, and Peeta is breathing heavily as well, we've both sweat a lot. I know we won't last long without water, Haymitch's second instruction to us for survival. I slump down on the ground, knowing that Peeta won't stop until I show some kind of sign of needing a break.

"Let's stop here; we need to go through the backpack before nightfall anyway." Peeta nods his head in agreement. "This backpack is so orange; it'll practically glow in the dark." I say. I remove the contents, a black sleeping bag that Peeta and I will probably both fit into, or at least under if we completely unzip it and use it as a blanket, a pack of crackers, dried beef strips, a bottle of iodine, matches, coil of wire, sunglasses, and an empty water bottle. "So how do you want to do this? I could set some snares; maybe have a rabbit for the morning. You look for somewhere to sleep for the night, pick out a nice high tree with lots of branches." I suggest.

"Really Katniss? Me, sleeping in a tree? If I can even get into a tree how am I supposed to sleep in it without falling out?" Peeta asks skeptically. I have to agree, he's not the best tree climber to begin with, and it's very risky to have him sleep in a tree, I could probably use my belt or something to strap myself in, but I don' t think his will be big enough for that. "I'll figure something out, just set your snares, don't go too far." I have to trust him, we split up, I walk about five minutes away to set my snares, and I don't want them too close to us. When I walk back the backpack and all the items are gone and a layer of pine needles spread out to conceal our resting spot. I'm afraid to say his name too loud; although I'm sure there isn't anyone who could have kept up with us. "Katniss," I turn and see Peeta a few yards away, motioning for me to follow him. He takes me to a willow tree with lots of branches, an ideal tree to sleep in, only we walk under and past it, the branches are just long enough to touch the top of a bush that is growing against a good sized boulder. "Look Katniss," He motions for me to look underneath, the backpack is pushed to one side, and the orange looks as if he's tried to camouflage it, mud would be better, but we don't have any of that at the moment. It also looks as if the ground has been dug away at to make a bit of a shallow hole and spread with pine needles, its perfect really. The bush is thick enough from the front, but accessible from one side where Peeta pushed all the dirt to, it's an impressive hiding spot. I smile at Peeta, "Wait, one more thing, just in case." He takes some of the dirt and covers my face in it, then does the same for himself. "It would be better if we had some mud, but say if someone has a flashlight or something we should be able to blend right in."

It's nearly dark so we climb into our hiding spot, we lay directly on the dirt and pine needles, Peeta covers us both with the black sleeping bag, and does his best to cover that with dirt and pine needles until we are essentially buries in the dirt under the bush. Just when I think it'll be impossible to spot us he pulls out a few branches that he must have taken from another bush of the same kind and places them around us and it almost completely covers the small opening that we climbed in through. It's small and cramped and Peeta and I are pressed against each other so closely we can hardly move, but I remind myself that we don't know what tomorrow will bring for us and try to think of this as a small blessing in this hell of being hunted. Surely the Careers have been taught to hunt the other tributes at night, I know that Peeta has hidden us well enough that they'll probably walk right past us, I hope we don't have to test that theory. We both fall asleep almost immediately, a whole day of hiking and fighting for our lives, combined with the sleepless night has taken their toll on us. We're awakened by the anthem, although Peeta has us hidden too well to see the sky, I shimmy out as far as I need to in order to see the display of tributes who have been killed. I say each on aloud, "The girl from District 3, that means all the Careers from 1 and 2 have survived. The boy from 4, the boy from 5, both from 6 and 7, the boy from 8, both from 9, and…the girl from 10." I shimmy back down into our hiding spot. "Rue, the little girl from 11 survived." I say somewhat happily. Peeta rubs my shoulder sleepily.

"That's good." Peeta yawns. I snuggle down into him, happy for his presence with me. I'm happy about the girl from 11, if something were to happen to Peeta, it would be nice if she could make it to the end, win possibly. She still reminds me of Prim, but all those times I saw her in the training centre I got used to her. After a few days of noticing her in our shadows I started to develop a soft spot for the little girl. Again I fall into a deep sleep that is interrupted by the sound of snapping, I keep hearing it and again shimmy as far as I dare until I can see the beginning of light, far too close for comfort. Someone started a fire! This late into the night, the Careers have had hours by this point to be combing the woods looking for victims. Who ever that is might as well be waving a flag and shouting "Come and get me!", Peeta and I are unintentionally a stone's throw from the biggest idiot in the Games. I shimmy back into the hiding spot, careful not to wake Peeta, I lay under the sleeping bag for the next couple of hours, sleeping and waking constantly, considering taking out this person who has become a hazard to my plan to keep Peeta alive. Stupid people at this point are just as dangerous to me as the Careers who will surely find the fire started before day break.

I can feel dawn approaching and I'm starting to believe that we've, meaning Peeta and I and the fire starter, have gone unnoticed. I decide to wake Peeta to let him know we need to come up with a plan fast so that we can escape unnoticed. When he wakes I quickly whisper to him our situation, midsentence he covers my mouth. I'm still as a rock, knowing that he wouldn't have done this unless he heard something, then I hear it too, several pairs of feet breaking into a run. The fire starter must have fallen asleep and they are on the person before they can escape. I hear a girl's voice pleading, the agonized scream that follows. Then there's laughter and congratulations from several voices, the Career Tributes from Districts 1, 2, and 4. We hear them check for supplies, Peeta pulls his hood over his head to hide his blond hair, we sink as deep as we can into our hiding spot as they come from behind our boulder, someone cries out "Twelve down, and eleven to go!" which gets a round of appreciative hoots. They eventually realize that they should have heard a cannon and they discuss who will go back to finish off the girl, they have flashlights and torches, but our bush is hiding us so well that not so much as a stream of light is falling on me and Peeta, so I know he's hidden us well, and if we stay quiet enough we won't be found. While one of them reluctantly goes to finish off the fire starter while the rest talk amongst themselves, "Ugh, I wish that was at least one of those disgusting District 12 tributes. I couldn't stand them a minute longer, I can't wait to kill one of them and leave the other to suffer."

"Wish we knew how she got that eleven." Says one of them.

"Yeah, the boy I could at least see him doing something impressive, but she seemed to simple minded, spinning in that dress, I just wanted to puke." Says one of the girls.

A cannon sounds and when the tribute who left to finish off the fire starter returns they break out into a run just as dawn begins to break. After a few minutes we start to breathe normally again, I hadn't even noticed I'd been holding my breath. Then Peeta lets out a quiet chuckle, "If only they knew, you're the one they should be afraid of the most."

"Why is that?" I ask him.

"You are going to dominate the Games in these woods, they don't stand a chance, they'll run out of food eventually, but you'll be high up in a tree somewhere, picking off squirrels and surviving, like always." Peeta says in a light tone.

I let out one quiet sarcastic laugh, "Ha, with what bow and arrow will I be picking off squirrels? And besides, neither of us will be doing any such thing unless we find some water. So let's move." I check my snares, careful to watch out for any Careers that may have lingered in the area while Peeta packs up our supplies and hides our sleeping spot in case we may need to return to it. I use the fire starter's dying fire to cook the rabbit that was caught in my snare, Peeta grinds up part of a charred branch to better camouflage the orange backpack. I'm glad this is on camera; sponsors will see that we are resourceful, we won't be lured into a trap by hunger as most of the other tributes may be, and also we are still a team.

We start hiking, I follow every rule I know for tracking down water, but we pass another whole day without finding any. In the late afternoon we find a cluster of berry bushes, Peeta is so thirsty and so am I, but as I'm about to eat one I get a good look at it, "Stop!" I say to Peeta who quickly stops and looks closer at the berries himself.

"No, they're not…" He begins, but I interrupt him, having split one open and looked at the blood red insides of the fruit.

"I don't know for sure, and we can't risk it Peeta." I say, he looks at me disappointedly; it takes a lot of strength for me to throw them away and hike past the bushes. I'm so thirsty; the berries would have helped so much. We walk until nightfall, both of us are obviously dehydrated, I'm not used to his, hunger I can get through, but my woods in District 12 is rich with streams to drink from. I'm not used to being this thirsty, and we're looking at going on two days without water. We rest frequently, and Peeta's not a complainer, but I know he's just as bad off as I am.

In the morning I know we've travelled so far that going back to the lake that I saw on the other side of the Cornucopia is not an option. I fall in defeat, I've killed Peeta, I've taken him so far from our only source of water that I've essentially killed him. Peeta collapses beside me, dehydrated, defeated, we're going to die here because of me. "Why isn't Haymitch sending us any water? Surely we have some sponsors, enough for water." Says Peeta angrily.

If I had any water left in me I would cry, but my body just makes the motions and sounds without any moisture to spare coming from my eyes. "Water." I say in as loud a voice as I can maybe Haymitch doesn't know how great our need for it is. But then I think, we definitely have sponsors, he's not sending us any because we must be close, he must be sending me a message by withholding it. Determined that this must be the case, I pull myself to my feet, grab something I can use as a walking stick and encourage Peeta to find the strength to follow me. I think of our family back home as we are walking, Mr. and Mrs. Mellark, Rye, Graham, I wonder if they'll find some kind of comfort knowing that we died together, or if they'll curse my name for basically killing their son who may have had a chance if only he weren't so blinded by love for the simple minded girl they brought into their home.

By late afternoon we can't go on anymore I collapse and roll onto my back, Peeta on his stomach beside me. This is a nice place I think, the smell of lilies in the air, Peeta drawing something on my face with mud, I love mud I think and reach my hands up to swirl my fingertips in it. "Mud!" I say aloud suddenly, Peeta and I crawl five yards from where we fell and find the pond. As much as we want to jump in head first we control ourselves and fill the water bottle and purify the water, we each drink after waiting as close to a half hour as we can. Over the course of the night we drink several gallons of water and eat the rest of the rabbit, Peeta even manages to catch a few little fish from the pond for us to eat when the rabbit is gone. We sleep right there next to the pond, not hiding ourselves as we did the night before, we're so happy for the water we even manage a bit of fooling around under the cover of the sleeping bag, hopefully it's not obvious to the camera's what we're doing, but I can't help but laugh loudly once or twice, and my breathing gets heavy at one point and Peeta has to remind me to be quiet unless we want this broadcast for the entire nation to see, we bring each other to the point of orgasm using our hands alone. I fall asleep much more deeply than I did the night before, fully satisfied, well hydrated, and reasonably full. It's so disappointing in the morning to be woken by the stampede of feet, disturbing my slumber. I'm bewildered to see the wall of fire that is descending on us, Peeta had woken at the same time I did, and we hurriedly get up and stuff all of our supplies in the backpack.

We don't even have time to fully be afraid at the way the world has been transformed by flame and smoke. The smoke is so much worse than the heat, and after a few yards of running my lungs are filled with it. Things were too quiet in the Games the day before, I realize there were no cannons sounded since the career pack took out the fire starter the morning before, I know we are being herded towards the Careers; we travelled very far the day before in our search for water. I jump over a log, but the bottom of my jacket catches fire, Peeta pushes me to the ground and puts it out as quickly as he can, then scoops me to my feet and pushes me forward, away from the fire. In minute my throat and nose are burning, and my lungs feel as if they are cooked, I can hear Peeta's own coughing and know he is feeling the same as I am. I have to stop under a stone out cropping just to vomit; I get on my hands and knees and retch until there's nothing left. Peeta rubs circles on my back with his hand trying to comfort me, although I can tell his coughing is getting worse. "Run Peeta, keep going, I just need one minute to rest."

"I'm not leaving you, rest, we'll keep going. One minute Katniss give yourself a minute and we'll keep going." Peeta says, he takes the backpack and makes sure everything is in it and puts it back on my back. The minute is up, but the smoke has clouded both of our judgement, its Peeta's turn to vomit and retch now. I take in my new surroundings, the new terrain, trying to figure out how we should go from here. I'm on my feet and the Game has taken a new twist. I realize that the fire was meant to get us moving when two fire balls are launched at us, Peeta was already on the ground, and I flatten myself next to him, then we are up and running again. I don't know how long we've been running anymore, or where we are going, the will to survive is all that's pushing us forward.

"If we can just get away from this section, we might be able to move out of the way of the launchers, keep running Peeta!" I say with all experience of a lifetime of watching the Hunger Games. I can't worry about the next obstacle; I just have to get out of this one first. We keep pushing forward, then it becomes apparent that not only are the Gamemakers intent on throwing fireballs at us, but also splitting us up. It seems Peeta has caught onto this as well.

"Get away from each other, but keep in sight at all times!" He yells to me, and then runs sideways for a bit until we are running side by side, but with a considerable distance between us. I keep my eye on him and yell to him, "Run in a zig zag pattern!" We keep running until I see a fireball hit a tree, completely blocking Peeta's path and making him stop. I stop too and look at him, but he's looking past me, "Katniss, look out!" I hear the whizzing and my muscles react, only not fast enough and the fireball skids across my right calf. I twist and scuttle backward on my hands and feet, I can't help but shriek as I try to remove myself from the horror. As I finally regain enough sense, I roll the leg back and forth on the ground, I'm aware of an abundance of fireballs being launched, but they are whizzing above my head and I lay flat on the ground. When it's over I sit up and without thinking rip the fabric from my calf to stop the burning from making my calf worse, but now my hands are covered in blisters. I stand despite the pain and see that the fireballs above my head have created a wall of fire and trees, I can't see Peeta on the other side, they did it, they separated us. I can only hope Peeta went to find some way around, and is not lying dead on the other side of that wall of flame and trees. I hear Cinna's voice "Katniss, the girl who was on fire." The Gamemakers must be having quite a laugh over this. Now that Peeta and I are separated the attack seems to be over, I limp to the wall of flames, as close as I can get, I can't see Peeta and I haven't heard a cannon sound, two very good signs. It's so smoky I can hardly tell where I am going, but I follow the daylight that seems to be emerging through the smoke, I eventually find a pool of water and walk in, it's cool and relieving. I wash my face and dip my hands in trying to draw the heat out of my burns. I almost faint at the sight of my calf, its brilliant red and covered with blisters. I'm not good with seeing injuries, but I know I can't afford to show weakness for the cameras. I sit for a while, thinking it'll be easiest for Peeta to find me if I stay in one spot, but not daring to call out his name in fear of attracting the attention of the Careers, which is in vain because in the time it takes assess the damage to my body, jacket, and supplies they do find me. I'm drowsy despite the pain, so by the time I realize they are close they are practically on top of me, luckily I was ready to move, and I'm up and running, splashing across the pool, flying into the underbrush. My leg slows me down, but I sense my pursuers are not as speedy as before the fire as well. They are closing in, and for a moment I am thankful that Peeta isn't here because I pick a tree that I don't think anyone could easily climb, but I'm an expert and am up as quick as I can and am twenty feet off the ground before they even make it to the trunk. They're bigger and stronger than I am, I know they won't be able to follow me up the tree, my only worry is that Peeta will come across them any minute as I am sure he is looking for me.

"How is everything with you?" I call down loudly, cheerfully, hoping that Peeta will hear the voices and realize that he needs to take cover from the Careers and that I am safely away from them, if he is even within hearing distance. My cheerfulness takes them aback; I know the crowd loves the look on their faces.

"Well enough," Says the boy from District 2. "Yourself?"

"It's been a bit warm for my taste." I say, I can almost hear the laughter from the Capital. "The air's better up here, why don't you come on up?" I taunt, and watch as they try for some time to climb the tree. The girl from District 1 offers the boy from 2, Cato, the sheath of arrows and I see he has a heavy blade on his hip. When they fail to climb the tree they shoot the arrows at me but they are all terrible shots and I don't even have to really worry about them hitting me.

"So where's your lover boy?" The girl from District 2 calls to me.

"Ha," I laugh, "I ditched him long ago; you didn't really fall for that did you?" I ask. "I hit him over the head with a rock on the first day, he's probably dying somewhere, haven't seen him since." I say. After their attempts to climb the tree prove fruitless one of them suggests waiting me out. They set up camp right under the tree, it's almost dark, and they have clearly been affected by the fire as well. I'm treed for the night, the relief from the water is gone and my calf is in searing pain. I find a fork in the tree and set up to spend the night there, after a few hours all my bravado is gone. I'm weak from pain and hunger but can't bring myself to eat, not without Peeta out there somewhere. I sing as loudly as I can for as long as I can, knowing that he knows I wouldn't do this unless I was already found and as safe as I can be. The Careers are loudly telling me to cut it out, so I'm satisfied to know it's annoying them as well. Well after nightfall I see a pair of eyes peering at me from the neighbouring tree and realize that it's Rue. She points to the tracker jacker nest above me, and I spend much of the night working away at the branch that it's attached to with my knife until the pain wins out and I'm forced back to the fork in the tree where I set up camp.

It's there that I find my first sponsor gift, burn medicine, I apply it and rest until just before day break, then I'm up working away at the tracker jacker nest again, I almost have it free, but am stung three times before it falls. When it does it breaks open and the Careers scream and scatter, the girl from District 1 is stung so many times she dies, I fall painfully from the tree, already beginning to succumb to the hallucinations of my stings. I see Peeta pulling on the dead girl, he must have been hiding nearby the whole time. I walk over to him in a haze, and he's getting the bow and arrows from her dead body, when he finally gets them free he seems surprised to see me, I see a sting on his face, and he probably has more on other parts of his body. "Katniss, what are you still doing here? Run!" We hear a rustling in the bushes, "Run!" He yells to me again, shoving the bow into my hands and putting the sheath over my head. When Cato emerges from the bushes, tracker jacker stings on his face and neck I turn to run, assuming Peeta followed me, thinking his hands were on my back pushing me forward, everything looks sparkly to me.

Then the nightmares seem to begin, I see insects taking over the forest, crawling up my body. It takes all my will to remind myself that it's not real. "I hope I've run far enough" is the last thing I say aloud to myself when I feel my body give up, unconsciousness take over and I fall to the ground.


	10. Chapter 10

**Katniss POV**

I enter a nightmare from which I wake repeatedly, only to find a greater terror awaiting me. All the things I dread most, all the things I dread for others manifest in such vivid detail I can't help but believe they're real. How many ways do I watch Prim die, relive that night? Relive my father's last moments? Feel my own body ripped apart, and watch Peeta suffer because of me? This is the nature of the tracker jacker venom, so carefully created to target the place where fear lives in your brain.

When I finally do come to my senses, I lie still, waiting for the next onslaught of imagery. But eventually I accept that the poison must have finally worked its way out of my system, leaving my body wracked and feeble. So many parts of me hurt; very slowly I manage to sit up. I'm in a shallow hole, and I wonder how long I've been out. I know it was morning when I lost reason, but now its afternoon and the stiffness in my body suggests more than a day has passed, even two possibly. If so, I have no way of knowing which tributes survived the tracker jacker attack. I know definitely not the blonde girl Glimmer from District 1, Peeta pushed me away too fast and I was already losing reasoning to know if anyone else died as a direct cause of my tracker jacker attack. I do remember that the girl from District 4, the boy from 1, and both from 2 were also the tributes who had me treed. I'm certain Rue took off quickly after she gave me the idea for the plan to drop the nest on the Careers, she's cleaver, she wouldn't have stayed.

I have no way of knowing what happened, so I focus on the gift that Peeta has given me, the bow and arrows. There are a full dozen, including the arrows I collected from the tree after the Careers shot them at me and missed. I practice with them for a bit and decide to again find water, I'm dangerously low, I can hunt along the way. As I'm walking I realize that the tracker jacker stings have healed better than I expected. I had enough sense to pull the stingers out just after I was stung, hopefully Peeta remembered this bit of information that I taught to him and his brothers. I remember once when I took them into the woods of District 12 showing them were I knew there to be nests and advising them to stay away, but telling them to remove the stingers as soon as possible after being stung, hopefully avoiding allowing too much poison into your system. However, in this case I think I was stung too many times for that rule to apply to me, I can only hope the one sting I saw on Peeta was all that he received, but somehow I doubt it, surely if he had his senses about him he would have tracked me down by now, hopefully the poison in his system works its way out today as well. I decide to follow my earlier rule of staying in one spot near water, surely Peeta will know this is where I will go, and it'll be the fastest way for him to find me. I spot a rabbit and make my first kill with the bow and arrow, and after walking for an hour I find a stream, the sun's hot and severe, so I strip down to my underclothes intending to wade into the mild current, but as I'm undressing I notice a dark spot on my pants. Hide myself as best I can from the cameras in a cluster of bushes, and sure enough, there in my underwear is evidence of dried blood, it has also seem to have run down my legs. It seems to have stopped now, but I specifically remember the prep team the first day I arrived in the Capital giving me a shot, and when I asked what it was for they said that it was to prevent my monthly cycle from happening during the games. They laughed about how there wouldn't be any feminine products to help me in the arena, so I didn't really think much about it when I missed my cycle that week. I'm fairly regular, and was due the week we were in the Capital, I know I'm no virgin anymore, but they also mentioned that women in the Capital use it so they don't get pregnant, so I know I'm safe there. I decide to not think about it too much, maybe it does prevent a monthly cycle, but my body has been through so much and I've been so stressed, surely this is the cause. I wash my body and clothing in the stream. I untangle and braid my hair, treat my burns, my appetite has returned, but surely Peeta will find me by nightfall, or even tomorrow morning, so I decide to wait for him. I can't eat knowing Peeta is out there somewhere, or possibly that the worst has happened to him but I just don't know it yet, but I refuse to believe that, knowing at this point there is no way to tell is going to drive me crazy if I think about it too much.

I take out a small bird that looks like some form of wild turkey just to keep the frustration from building within me, and by late afternoon I decide to cook the meat from the bird and rabbit so that Peeta and I can eat when he does find me. I've just put the first lot over the coals when I hear the twig snap. In one motion I turn to the sound, bringing the bow and arrow to my shoulder, if it was Peeta he would have called out to me. There's no one there, but I spot the tip of a child's boot just peeking out from behind the trunk of a tree. My shoulders relax and I grin, realizing that Rue can move through the woods like a shadow. Surely she's been following me like she was in the training centre; the words come out before I can stop them. "You know, they're not the only ones who can form alliances."

One of Rue's eyes edges around the trunk. "You want me for an ally, too?"

I shake my head a little confused, "Why not? You saved me with those tracker jackers. You're smart enough to still be alive. And I can't seem to shake you anyway," She blinks at me trying to decide. "You hungry?" I can see her swallow hard, her eye flickering to the meat. "Come on then, I've had two kills today."

Rue tentatively steps out into the open. "How are your stings? I've been tending to them while you've been asleep." She says. I'm surprised at this, but that explains how they are more healed than I expected. "I have more leave to apply to your stings if you need them."

"They're better than I thought they would be, but if you've been treating them I could probably use it, they are still a little sore." She comes over with a handful of leaves, puts them in her mouth, and places a glob of leaves and spit on the stings on my knee, neck, and cheek. I sigh with the relief they bring, and offer to treat the burn she has on her forearm with my Capital medicine.

"You have good sponsors," She says longingly.

"Have you gotten anything yet?" I ask, she shakes her head.

"No, but Peeta got a smaller tube than you have of this same medicine and he shared his with me, too." Rue says. This surprises me, not his kindness, but that she seems to have had contact with Peeta.

"You've seen Peeta? Since I was stung by the tracker jackers?" I ask excitedly.

"No, the night you were treed by the Careers." She says, looking sadly down at her boots. It makes my heart pound in fear.

"No," I whisper, dread fills my heart, "he survived right?" I say in a voice that's rising to hysteria at the sadness on her face.

"No, no….well, I mean yes he did survive. But I just mean that I haven't seen him since the tracker jacker attack. That night you were treed I followed the sound of your voice and he did too. He saw me in the trees and he waved me down. He had just gotten his burn medicine, he was burned almost identically to mine and he told me that he knew that you would just love to have me as an ally. When I saw the tracker jacker nest I told him that if I could get to you to see it too you could probably drop it on the Careers and run away. He stayed with me that night, I showed him a tree that he could easily climb and still have a view of the Careers and you. He told me a lot about you that night. He said to approach you carefully because you do want to be my friend but it may be hard for you to accept me at first." I know she doesn't understand this because she shakes her head and rolls her eyes as if he was being too cautious, but I know he was thinking of the night we watched the reaping and I had a break down at the sight of Rue. "He also told me that he planned to fight and that I should follow you rather than wait around for him, the last I saw of him he grabbed the knife that you had in your hand after he shoved the bow and arrows at you. You've been unconscious for two days, but he's still alive, although I don't know what happened to him. The girls from Districts 1 and 4 and the big Career Cato from District 2 were killed that day." She explains in a rush. "I've been back to the tree where everything happened, and I've looked for him, but he's gone, I don't know where he is." She finishes.

I take in all this information, certain that Peeta killed Cato; I know he didn't get stung as badly as Glimmer, and if his plan was to stay and fight certainly that seems to have happened. Cato was a trained killer, but Peeta and I have been playing star crossed lovers just so that our opponents wouldn't expect us to be as good as we are at surviving. I've seen Peeta wrestle and fight, Cato was probably caught off guard at his abilities combined with his strength. Tributes from District 12 are supposed to be weak, not well fed and strong like my Peeta is. I'm relieved that he is still alive, and decide that my plan to stay in one place won't work anymore, but now I have Rue to take care of, this was obviously part of some plan that Peeta put together to keep me safe, he knows I won't put her in danger, or do anything to irrational while she is with me. He knows me well. Rue contributes a starchy root to the meal, and we talk, she identifies the bird and that it's safe to eat. I give her some meat to eat, but I'm surprised when she just looks at it sadly and doesn't dig in right away. She seems to be looking to me, waiting. "Aren't you hungry?" I ask.

"He told me to be sure that you at least have a few bites from your share of food before I do." She says, and indicates to the food that I have packed away, I obviously was not intending to eat tonight. I sigh in frustration, he knows me well, and I'm amazed he's found a way to blackmail me into eating even when he's not here. I get out my share of food and start to eat, after a few bites Rue happily digs into her own meal and we eat until our bellies are full, I'm not able to stop once I start, it's been days since I've eaten anything. I'm especially hungry tonight it seems, I even split Peeta's half between me and Rue just so I can have more, rationalizing that he would be happiest to see that I've eaten more than he expected if even finds us tonight, and that I can always get more now that I have the bow and arrows. While Rue and I eat and talk I put together a plan for destroying all the supplies that Rue has seen the Careers have hoarded for themselves.

We put the plan into action the next day, waking to the boom of a cannon, we plan a route to meet up at later that evening. As we walk Rue shows me the four note song that the mockingjays pick up easily, she tells me there are mockingjays where she is from and that is why she loves my pin and when I try to give it to her refuses saying that the pin is what made her decide to trust Peeta and I here in the arena.

We part, and after about an hour I'm back at the clearing that holds the Cornucopia, the boy from District 1, the girl from 2, and the boy from District 3 are all present, but they all leave towards the smoke that is bellowing from the woods where Rue started the fire that we planned. I try to analyze the setup and am about to get a closer look when Foxface comes from my right, steps carefully and gets some supplies, and I realize she knew it was rigged to explode. I see the burlap sack of apples and know it's my only chance at starting a chain reaction, setting off all of the mines and blowing the supplies to smithereens. When I set it off the way I wanted, I'm blown back into the air and get the wind knocked out of me at the impact with the hard-packed earth, my backpack not softening my landing at all. I'm so dizzy it's all I can do when I drag myself to the copse that Rue told me she spied on the Careers from. My ear is bleeding and my body is hurt so badly, but of everything I find it odd that I should be having severe cramps in my abdomen and lower back right now. I'm trying to ignore that and focus on my real danger, my ear is bleeding and I'm worried I may be permentantly deafened in my ear. When the Careers return to find that the boy from District 3 did too good of a job rigging up the ground to explode the girl from District 2 loses her mind and puts one of her knives in the boy repeatedly, I suppose a cannon sounded his death, but she keeps doing it until the boy from District 1 pulls her off of him and they walk into the woods to allow the hovercraft to collect the body.

I spend the night there; they show the deaths of the boy from 3 and the boy from 10 that night. I spend the night shivering from cold, crouched in a fetal position trying to get some relief from the cramps in my abdomen and my lower back, though I can feel I'm not bleeding. It's a weird sensation that I'm experiencing. In the morning the dizziness and cramps have stopped, my left ear still deafened, but there is a ringing in my right. I head to the place where Rue and I were supposed to meet, I clean up a bit in a stream, catch and eat two fish, when I make it back to the meeting sight there is no sign of Rue. I wait for her until late afternoon and decide to head back to the spot where she was supposed to set the last fire, I can check to see if it was set at all and see if she left any clue to her whereabouts. When I do reach it after about an hour I know something has gone amiss. The fire was never lit, I continue to hike, looking for her and along the way I recognize her four-note tune coming from a mockingjay. I sing back softly, and it's followed with a child's scream that I know is only capable of Rue. I run frantically, following the sound and I hear her calling my name. I don't care about Careers, I know she's in danger and I need to find her before they do.

"Rue! I'm coming!" I shout so she knows that I'm near. Just as I reach her and see her in the net she reaches out for me and I see the spear enter her body. The boy from District 1 dies before he can pull out the spear. My arrow drives deeply into the centre of his neck. He falls to his knees and halves the brief remainder of his life by yanking out the arrow and drowning in his own blood. I kneel next to her.

"You blew up the food?" she whispers.

"Every last bit," I say.

"You have to win," She says.

"I'm going to; I'm going to win for both of us now." I say to the little girl to reassure her, she doesn't need to know it's always been my intention to save Peeta and that it still is, if I can ever find him.

"Sing," She says, but I barely catch the word. I sing the only song I can think of, a song I haven't sung since the day I held my dead little sister in my arms. I sing Deep in the Meadow as she dies in my arms, flashbacks of that night threaten to take hold of me but I fight them, I cannot deny this little girl her last request. When she dies I decorate her body in wildflowers, wishing I had the sense to do this for my own sister. In this moment, through my tears, I recognize that I never had closure like I should have allowed myself that night when my sister died. This is my way of saying goodbye to Rue and Prim, both taken far too young, both murdered at the hands of a government who has manipulated those of us not born in the Capital. Prim murdered by poverty, Rue in the Games.

When I clear out and let the hovercraft take her body I wander aimlessly for hours, losing hope. I come to the realization that Peeta may be alive, but he had to have been hurt badly in the fight for him to not have found me by now. He could be dying somewhere, without me to save him, but I've lost my will to go on without him. The cramps come again, this time so sharp it knocks me to my knees, then I feel it. Blood, it's soaking through my pants, I make my way to a stream, although I can't help but leave a trail of blood behind me, it would be so easy to track me right now. When I get to the stream I remove my clothing, turning the water red all around me. This isn't a monthly period, it's been too inconsistent and the pain too great for that. I've ignored the signs, but this whole time I've been pregnant. I can't be more than three weeks along at this point, but I'm sure that doesn't matter anyway. I'm sure after this I definitely won't be pregnant anymore. Peeta had been saying that he was leaving me with a reason to live after he died in the Games, now I think his intention was to leave me with his child, that I would have lived to raise our child. The only chance we would have had to conceive was the first time on the train, before we got to the Capital and they gave me the prevention. I'm sure it was a miracle that the baby could still be conceived even after that, but combined with the tracker jacker poison, the stress on my body; there really wasn't a chance this baby was going to make it through the Games in spite of Peeta's intentions. I cry out in sadness so loudly that it echoes through the forest. I don't care anymore, I've lost a part of Peeta that I didn't even know I was carrying.

When the water starts to run clear again I redress, wet clothing and all, and drag myself to the edge of the water and lay on the ground, determined to die. Either I will lay here and allow myself to starve to death, or let another tribute find me, I don't really care, I just want to die. This doesn't seem to be in the cards for me as a parachute lands almost on my face, as if Haymitch sensed that I wouldn't move to collect it unless it was right next to me. I reach out and open it to see a loaf of bread that I recognize as coming from District 11. "My thanks to the people of District Eleven," I say, wanting them to know I know where it came from, but I don't eat it. I hold it in my hands, but I just remain laying on my back staring up at the sky, watching the darkness come, watch the anthem play and show Rue's face and the boy from District 1. A while after the initial anthem Claudius Templesmith's voice booms down from overhead, congratulating the five of us who remain. But he is not inviting us to a feast. He's saying something very confusing. There's been a rule change in the Games. A rule change! That in itself is mind bending since we don't really have any rules to speak of except don't step off your circle for sixty seconds and the unspoken rule about not eating one another. Under the new rule, both tributes from the same district will be declared winners if they are the last two alive. Claudius pauses, and as if he knows we're not getting it, and repeats the change again. The news sinks in. Two tributes can win this year. If they are from the same district. Both can live. Both of us can live. This rule was changed specifically for us, we are the last two from the same district.

Before I can stop myself I call out Peeta's name as loud as my lungs and voice box will allow, it echoes through the woods. I clap my hands over my mouth, realizing how stupid this was, but I'm rewarded when I faintly hear my name in the distance. It's Peeta, I know it is. I call out again as loudly as I can as I stand, but when I do a sharp pain rips through my lower abdomen. I can hardly stand up straight, my name is repeated back to me, and I call out for Peeta again, he's getting closer. I use a nearby tree to lean against, the pain is fading, I just need some time to catch my breath. I knife lodges itself right next to my hand in the tree, it looks like I won't get that time to catch my breath, I'm fighting for my life again. I know the girl from District 2 has found me; I make it back to my bow and arrows, looking through the darkness for the girl. I load my bow and take cover behind a tree "Where's your boyfriend, District Twelve? Still hanging on?" Well at least as long as she's talking I can try to track her voice. I'm determined not to give her the advantage, but I can still hear Peeta calling out for me and I'm afraid that if I don't say something back he's going to run right passed us, and I need all the help I can get right now.

"Peeta!" I yell, "District 2 found me!" I yell out to warn him. Everything is quiet as the girl and I are trying to track each other. If my hearing were better this would be easy, the only thing I can do at this point is stay as quietly still as possible and hope the cover of darkness is to her disadvantage as well. Minutes pass, I think my body has adjusted and I can move normally again. I make my way to another tree, I hear a knife whizzing through the air with my good ear, I dodge but it catches me across my forehead and opens a gash above my right eyebrow that sends a gush of blood down my face, I shoot an arrow blindly in the direction that the knife came from and hear the girl cry out in pain as I just did. It's not enough, it caught her in her left shoulder, but she runs at me, ripping it from her arm as she charges at me. I'm blinded by blood and can't get my bow reloaded in the time it takes her to jump me, we fall to the ground painfully, she sitting on my stomach and I'm sure to pass out from the pain soon enough.

"Well, your boyfriend took out my partner, now it seems that I'll get to return the favour." The girl taunts. "I think I'll make it extra messy for him, and leave you here so that he can find you before the hovercrafts." She pulls a knife from her boot and holds it high above her head, but her hands are caught by another set of hands and she's jerked off of me and thrown to the side. I hear a stabbing, a lot of stabbing, and a low moan escapes from her lips.

"Katniss?" Peeta asks, suddenly above me in a frantic voice. He's trying to wipe the blood from my face, my body feels so weak and damaged, but I use the last of my strength to put a kiss on his lips and hug him as close as I can to my body.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N - I'm so happy with how this turned out. As I keep writing I just have more and more ideas for this story, I'm really having a lot of fun with this and I hope that everyone else is enjoying this too!

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Peeta POV

Katniss is in my arms, I've searched for days, following any hint of a trail, but now I have her here in my arms again. She's weeping with relief, and I feel a tear run down my own cheek as well. I pull away from her, there's blood everywhere from the gash on her forehead, I can fix that, but I look to the girl from District 2 that I just killed.

"Katniss, wait here." I pry her arms from me and go to the dead girl; she's a bit bigger than Katniss, so I know her jacket will fit. I remove that along with her backpack, and even though I've just killed this girl I lay her flat in her back with her hands on her chest, put the three fingers to my lips and kiss them and hold them up in the gesture that is native to my District, just as I did with the other tribute that I killed, Cato, also from District two. I still have a slight limp from the sword wound that I received from fighting him, but it's nothing like it was and I'm able to run and walk relatively easy, but when the announcement was made that we could both win and I heard Katniss call my name I sprinted in the direction of her voice, it's the most exertion I've put on my body in a few days and I'm feeling it now. I head back to Katniss, "Come, let's get away from here." I say.

"Stay near the water, let's just walk upstream a bit, let's find somewhere to hide until morning." She says. We start walking; I remove her burned jacket, and replace it with the dead girl's which is in close to impeccable condition. I take the pack that I'm wearing from my back, which originally belonged to Cato so far has saved my life. It was filled with medical supplies, an ointment from the Capital that healed my leg miraculously fast and clean bandages. I take one of the remaining clean bandages and some medical tape and use it to apply to the gash on Katniss' forehead. As we continue walking I notice she's walking hunched over slightly and holding her stomach. "Are you alright?" I ask. "Are you hurt?" As I say it I realize that she's in pain. It's as if she's trying to prove she's not because she tries to stand up straight and I can see the pain shoot through her body, her eyes especially betray her, she can't hide it and as she looks at me she knows that it's pointless to try.

"I think maybe the girl from 2 broke my rib. It hurts to stand up straight." Katniss admits.

"But you're holding your stomach." I point out. She stops and looks at me desperately.

"All I know is that she tackled me and we fell and now in hurt. Please, I need to stop to rest. Maybe it'll be better in the morning, but I really can't go on like this." Katniss says in a defeated way. I know she must be in some kind of serious pain if she's asking to stop. Its dead night anyway, we've been walking along the shoreline of this steam and its given way to rocky terrain. "There, up ahead. It looks like a cave we could hide in, at least for tonight." I see where she is pointing and wrap my arm around her to help her to the cave; it's good and will hide us for the night. Suddenly it's as if Haymitch were waiting for us to stop before he gave us our sponsor gifts. Before we even get in the cave two parachutes land near us. I go to one and Katniss goes to the other. The one I open is a picnic basket, filled with food, I open each container and find rolls and cheese and the lamb stew Katniss said was her favourite. I turn around to find Katniss and her parachute gone. "Katniss!" I call out in a panic.

"I'm here." She calls back. I turn and look around me.

"Where are you?" I call out. After the Gamemakers separated us I vowed to never again let her out of arms reach, now it's so dark I can't even see her. She comes walking around the corner, it's freezing out, and the Gamemakers seem to be lowering the temperature to freezing at night and sweltering hot during the day. All she's wearing is her shirt and she has her jacket wrapped around her legs as best she can.

"I want to wash out my pants. They got really dirty, and maybe wash some of this blood off my face." She says as she heads for the stream. It's so odd, why would this be important to do now? I follow her, but she insists in doing it herself.

"What was in the parachute?" I ask. "There's a feast in mine. So much food we could probably survive for a few days on just what's in the picnic basket alone."

"We probably don't have a few days left. There's only the four of us now." A cannon sounds in the distance. Katniss and I look toward the sound. "Three." She corrects.

"Who do you think was left?" I ask, and then watch as Katniss begins to submerge herself in the freezing water. "What are you doing?" I ask, flabbergasted at what she is doing to herself.

"I'm just getting cleaned up. The parachute had some supplies in it that I needed." She says as she cleans her bottom half of her body as quick as she can and gets out of the water. I remove my jacket and shirt so she can use my shirt to dry off, but she refuses it. "No, I'm cut just inside my thigh, some bandages were sent to me from the Sponsors, and I don't want to get your shirt all bloody, it's not necessary." She says quickly.

"You're cut? Let me see, Cato cut me with his sword, I have an ointment that will help." I say quickly.

"No!" She says. I look at her confused. She's hiding something from me. "Just...ugh, Peeta. Can I just get a few moments alone? Please?" She's being so weird; I thought she'd be happy to find me. I've done nothing but worry about her for days, waiting to be with her again. Now she just seems as if I'm in the way. I get up wordlessly, put my clothes back on and walk toward the mouth of the cave. I keep a look out for Thresh or Foxface, the last two remaining tributes, one of which is dead, but I can't be sure who. A few minutes later Katniss is walking to join me, not offering an explanation for her behaviour. Instead she kisses me lightly, "I've been so worried about you." I say.

She grabs the picnic basket and motions for me to follow her into the cave. We sit, spread out the sleeping bag and sit close together under it. We divide the food silently and start to eat. I've been surviving in the food that was in the backpack since I regained consciousness from the tracker jacker stings, but I ran out of food this morning. I'm so hungry; it's silent while we eat until Katniss starts talking, "Rue died today." I wipe a tear from her cheek. "We split up so I could destroy the supplies the careers had. I found her just in time to be too late. She died in my arms." Katniss says sadly.

"I'm so sorry." I say and pull her into a comforting hug. I knew she was dead, I saw her face in the sky tonight.

"If it weren't for her, I don't think the rules would have been changed for us. I kind of gave up after she died." I look at Katniss. She looks so sad, pale and defeated. She also looks like she's really sick, and our bodies are so close I swear I can feel the fever getting hotter in her body. I put my hand on her head and sure enough, it's burning up. I reach for my pack and pull out the fever reducing pills I found in there. I hand two to Katniss with some water. She takes them without complaint.

"Peeta?" She asks drowsily. "At your interview you said that you've been in love with me most of your life, when did that start?"

Her question makes me smile, "the first day of kindergarten, my dad pointed you out and said that your mom left him for a coal miner who could make the birds stop singing so they could listen to his song. And when you sang the valley song that first day I was a goner. I've told you this before." I say.

"I know. I just like hearing you tell it again sometimes." She says sleepily.

I can hardly sleep with Katniss through the night. We sleep sitting up against the rock wall ready to run if necessary, but I'm not sure if Katniss would be able to if it really came down to it. At one point in the night I woke soaked in her sweat and she was shivering. I wonder if she's gotten an infection from the cut on her leg she mentioned earlier. I get out my medicine I used for my deep sword wound and pull back the sleeping bag, she's still not wearing her pants, they're drying on a rock just inside the mouth of the cave. There is no evidence of her ever having a cut. I lift her shirt to check her ribs; I gently apply pressure trying to find which one she thinks she may have broken. She's got some bruises, but they look to be maybe a few days old, possibly from falling from the tracker jacker tree, and her ribs seem fine. She's been lying to me, I don't know why, and now I really don't know what to do. I haven't seen the contents of the parachute she got, but I find her back pack and look inside. It has a few square things inside; I pull one up and open it up. It's a pad of some sort, probably for absorbing blood from some kind of wound, but I don't see why she would need these, she's not cut. I'm so confused I just wake her and give her more fever medicine, I'm sure she's got an infection, but she seems intent on hiding the cause and I can't find a clue as to what it could be.

At day break she does seem a bit better and her fever has definitely reduced, but she's still not in very good shape. I leave the cave first, letting her say inside to dress, she wants privacy again. When I exit I see the stream that was flowing yesterday is now just a bone-dry bed. Katniss emerges from the cave, "Not even a little damp, they must have drained it while we slept." She says. "They must want to drive us to the lake. There was one on the other side of the Cornucopia, that's where they want us to go."

"You're right, they're driving us to it, there's no cover there. We have to face either Foxface or Thresh from District 11, I have a feeling it could be him." I say.

"You don't know that, it could be her. She's smart, especially if she made it this far." Katniss says hopefully.

"We still have some water; we could wait until we are completely out." I suggest, I really don't want to have to fight with Katniss as weak as she is. I've observed she's walking a lot better than she was yesterday, but she still has to be a bit sensitive after how much pain she was in the day before.

"Let's go now, while we've had food and rest. Let's just go end this thing." She says.

"Two against one," I say confidently, hoping to fool the viewers, hoping that it will somehow get us an advantage. Though I don't really see how at this point in the games, I think we've probably been given every advantage in this game that is possible, the rules have already been changed specifically for us, we were the only two tributes left from the same district when they made the announcement, they drew a target on our backs with that one. "This should be a piece of cake."

We walk in the direction of the Cornucopia; Katniss seems to be improving as the day goes on. "What was in the parachute, the one you got last night?" I ask.

"I told you, bandages for my cut." She says.

"Well, you got really bad in the night so I checked for the cut, to see if it had gotten worse; you didn't have a cut Katniss. I also checked your ribs, they seemed fine. I checked your pack and I found the bandages, but they seemed to be for a bigger wound." I say with a bit of an accusatory tone. We stop walking and she looks at me.

Her eyes are searching mine, they seem to go through many emotions, fear, sadness, but they land on anger. "I got my monthly cycle here in the arena, ok?" She says to me with venom in her voice. "The pads are for that, can you just drop it?" She marches off ahead of me, I run to catch up.

"That's it?" I ask.

"Yes." She replies.

"You seemed to have an infection of some sort." I say to her.

She stops again and sighs frustrated. "Well that can happen sometimes." She says.

"Really?" I ask skeptically.

"Yes." She says, with a look that tells me to stop asking about it. We walk for a while longer and she says she has to stop to clean herself up, I don't ask any questions this time. At this point it looks like we have a chance to both make it out of here alive, I don't want her to kill me for embarrassing her when we are out.

When she comes back we continue on our way, and make it to the Cornucopia and the lake so late in the afternoon dusk is upon us. We enter the field cautiously, blown of bits of dirt and debris everywhere. Katniss tells me about how Rue told her how the Careers had all the supplies stashed around mines and how she blew it all up. I'm impressed; I heard the explosion when I was in the woods, waiting for my leg to heal. I remember being worried about Katniss and the next day was when I finally was able to walk and started to look for her. Just as we are walking past the Cornucopia we hear the mockingjays in the woods shrieking in alarm, I draw my knife and Katniss loads her bow with an arrow, we look to where the shrieks are the loudest and see Thresh break through the woods, he's not a fast runner though and sweat and his purplish face say he's already been running a long time. We see there are muttations behind him that resemble huge wolves, one lunges at him and catches him in its mouth, "Go, Katniss! Go, climb!" I say indicating to the Cornucopia, she catches the ridges and seems and gets a decent hold on it. I hear her cry out in pain, but I come up behind her and give her the boost she needs to get all the way to the top. I don't dare look over my shoulder before I start to climb onto the Cornucopia for myself. I'm almost up and Katniss has just given me her hand to help me up when I feel a set of jaws clamp its teeth into my calf, if it weren't for my grip on Katniss I would have surely been pulled to the ground.

Katniss yells "Kill it, kill it!" and I use my knife to stab the thing in the eye. It lets go of me, taking my knife with it, and I'm able to get to the top.

"Can they climb it?" I yell frantically.

"No." She says relieved. We realize that the muttation that caught Thresh is dragging his body closer to the Cornucopia; we can hear his agonized screams. I look at my leg; it's basically a piece of torn apart flesh and is bleeding as badly as ever. It's agonizingly painful, my body wants to lose consciousness at the sight of my leg, and it's sickening to look at. Katniss unzips her jacket, removes her shirt, and gets back into the jacket as quickly as possible. She ties a tourniquet around my leg just under my knee using one of her arrows to keep it tight. "Don't go to sleep she tells me." It's freezing out again, we dropped our backpacks when we had to climb the Cornucopia, I unzip my jacket and she hugs me inside of it and I fasten it around her, sharing the body heat is definitely warmer. The Cornucopia was burning hot from absorbing the heat from the day when we climbed it, now its freezing cold. I realize that we are still listening to Thresh's dying noises, his moans, his screams.

"Why don't they just kill him?" I ask desperately.

"You know why." Katniss replies and I do. This is the ultimate in entertainment for the Capital. It goes on and on all night, my body wants me to sleep but Katniss keeps waking me. I'm almost out again when I hear Katniss moan "Oh no." quietly to herself. I look and she's sitting in a pool of blood. I sit up and look at her, "Thresh may win this thing yet." She says sadly to me.

"What is it, what happened?" I ask frightened for her, I don't understand, I know one of the muttations didn't get her on the way up.

"I think I tore something on my way up the Cornucopia, I felt it when I first jumped up to reach the top, I wouldn't have made it if you didn't boost me." She says.

"What did you tear that would do this to you?" I ask. She just hushes me and tells me not to worry about it. The night goes on and on, it's the worst night of my life, the temperature continues to drop. We watch the moon and the stars shift above us, we are both hovering near insanity at different points in the night, but when I see daylight finally whisper to Katniss that we survived the night. Still no cannon has fired, I listen to the carnage below. "I think he's closer now. Katniss, can you shoot him?" I ask.

"My last arrow is in your tourniquet." She says to me.

"Make it count." I say unzipping my jacket, letting her loose. I hold her shoulder for support as she frees the arrow and ties the tourniquet back up. She crawls to the edge and I hold her legs for balance so she won't fall. It takes a few moments, but I hear the release of the arrow and the cannon fire.

When she sits back up on the Cornucopia she smiles as best she can, her face pale from blood loss. "We won." She says. I smile, we kiss happily. We see the hole open in the plain and the mutts go running in. We wait longer, I'm getting light headed and it's obvious that Katniss is as well.

"Hey!" I shout into the air. "What's going on?"

"The body, maybe we have to move away from the body." Katniss suggests.

"I don't know if I can survive a jump from this height." I say half jokingly.

"Do you think we could make it to the lake if we do?" She asks. I nod my head that I can. I slide myself down the side as gently as I can, landing only on my good leg, then reach up to soften Katniss' landing. We are both so weak, I know it probably won't help, but I get the knife from my backpack and give it to Katniss, it's the only weapon we have left and if the Gamemakers send some kind of Mutt at least she'll have something to protect herself with. Somehow we manage to make it to the lake and the hovercraft comes and takes Thresh's body away. We collapse at the shoreline, now they will take us, now we can go home. Still there is no response. "I don't know what else to do." Katniss says. The tourniquet is preventing me from losing too much blood, I don't know how Katniss' phantom wound that she won't tell me about is doing, and it seemed to stop at some point in the night.

"Greetings to the final contestants of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games. The earlier revision has been revoked. Closer examination of the rule book has disclosed that only one winner may be allowed," Claudius Templesmith's voice booms. "Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favour." There's a small burst of static and nothing more. Katniss stares at me in disbelief as the truth sinks in, this has all been devised by the Gamemakers to guarantee the most dramatic showdown in history, and like a couple of fools we bought into it.

"If you think about it, it's not that surprising." I say softly, she looks at me and pushes the hair from my eyes the way she used to, I catch her hand and kiss her palm. Knowing she'll stop me, I turn away from her and rip the bandage from my leg, eliminating the last barrier between my blood and the earth.

"No, you can't kill yourself." She says getting to her knees, desperately plastering the bandage back onto my wound.

"Katniss, it's what I want." I say to her.

"You're not leaving me here alone." She says desperately.

"Listen," I say putting my arm around her, she rests her head on my shoulder. "We both know they have to have a victor. It can only be one of us. Please, take it. For me." I go on and say more, about how much I love her, what life would be for me without her, but I can tell she's stopped listening. She sat up and pulled away from me, she's looking out at the water and I can see the wheels in her head forming a plan through those grey eyes of hers. Suddenly she moves quickly, grabs the knife that she set down on the ground and before I can even stop her she's put a deep cut in her arm from her wrist all the way up her forearm. I pull the knife from her hand before she can do it to her other arm, and then force her to give me the arm that she cut open, I hold the wound shut as best I can. It's difficult, there's so much blood, she's evened the playing field, at this point either one of us can die from blood loss. "I'll go first anyway." I say to her, she stops struggling and looks into my eyes. "I'll hold your arm shut until I die, then they can save you. You know I'll do it." I can see she knows that it's pointless to fight against me, that I have enough strength to keep her here until there is no longer any hope for her to outlive me.

She reaches with her other hand into her jacket pocket; she pulls out a few berries that I can tell are Nightlock. "Fine, then we go together." She says to me, holding out some berries and putting half into my hand.

I look into her eyes. "Always."

"On the count of three." She says to me. We take a moment to look out over the lake, it's a nice spot to die, it reminds me so much of our lake in District 12.

"This is similar to our first kiss, don't you think?" I say to her with a smile. I don't dare mention the lake directly, maybe someday another set of kids will be brave enough to go beyond the fence and find it. They can have summers just like we did growing up, it's a nice thought. Katniss lays on her back, I've still got her arm, holding her wound shut, but I wrap my other arm under her and kiss her the way we did way back then, the first time I gave her a proper kiss that one summer day. This is probably the sappiest ending to the Games there has ever been, the people in the Capital are probably eating this up. We finish, she sits up, and smiles at me.

"One." She starts the count.

"Two." I say and tuck a stray hair behind her ear.

"Three." She says and we each put our share of berries in our mouth just the trumpets begin to blare and the frantic voice of Claudius Templesmith shouts above them.

"Stop! Stop! Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present the victors of the Seventy-Fourth Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark! I give you – the tributes of District Twelve!"

We spew the berries from our mouths, two ladders drop for us. Maybe it's because I'm relieved and know that it's over, my body seems to be succumbing to my injury and blood loss. Katniss has to help me stand, but I still keep a hand over her wound to prevent it from opening, however, when we are locked in place by the electric current to the ladder there is nothing stopping the blood from escaping my leg and a steady stream of blood flows to the earth below as we are being raised up. I'm having a hard time keeping conscious, and everything is so loud, but I'm certain I hear Claudius Templesmith's voice explaining that upon even further explanation of the rules it doesn't say that they can only have one winner, only that there must be twenty three lives sacrificed in the Games.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N - It's been a while since my last update, I had a lot to cover this Chapter, it was rewritten a couple of times, this is the best that I came up with and I hope you like it. It's really back and forth between Katniss POV and Peeta POV, I hope it's not too confusing, also it's really fast paced and takes us to the end of THG pretty quickly but I really wanted to finish this all in one chapter. The next chapter will focus on what happens when they return home rather than jumping right to the CF storyline. I hope I'm still doing a good job because I'm still having fun with this. :)

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**Katniss POV**

As soon as the electric current cuts off Peeta and I fall into a heap on the ground. Peeta had been holding the long gash on my arm closed until now, but since he's lost consciousness and we fell his grip on me released, and so did the blood that he was keeping in my body. I sense the doctors gather us off the floor and place us onto surgical tables that are side by side. There are machines and monitors and doctors everywhere. I feel them cutting my clothing off. I hear someone ask if they can confirm the pregnancy, discuss nerve damage to my arm, how bad the infection was. My legs are put into stirrups and a doctor examines the inside of me. I try not to look, or think about it, instead I'm looking to my side where Peeta has just as many doctors, maybe more, working in him. I scream when I see the heart monitor flat line and I call out for Peeta to not leave me here without him. I'm hysterical, and thrashing, someone puts a syringe in my arm and I can feel the cool fluid fill my veins. I can hear all their medical terminology bouncing around in my head not making any sense, but before I blackout completely I can hear them confirm that yes, there is all the evidence that supports the failed pregnancy, but more importantly, I hear the heart monitor's beep indicate that Peeta's heart started again.

I regain consciousness on and off again over the next few days, once I wake and see Haymitch next to my bed. "Did he make it? He survived right?" I ask my voice raspy, throat dry.

"Yes sweetheart. The boy is fine." Haymitch says, he looks as if he hasn't slept in days and has the weight of the world on his shoulders. I sigh with relief, and feel my body rest again and I'm sleeping. Whatever they have me on is strong and I can't ever seem to stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time, until finally one morning I wake up and there is a small portion of food sitting in front of me, broth, applesauce and water. I can barely finish the meager meal before me, but I know the stronger I get, the sooner I'll be able to see Peeta. I look my arm. It seems to be the only way to sense time passing. On the first day it's ugly, all stitched closed, but it seems that each time I wake up its healing more and more. I know it's the Capital medicines working their magic until one day it's as if the wound was never made, my skin clear and healthy. My hearing that I lost in the one ear is repaired; the gash above my eyebrow is gone as well.

**Peeta POV**

I don't know how long it's been, but when I jolt awake I can tell it's been days. Haymitch is at my bedside, "Katniss?" I say hopefully. Haymitch just nods solemnly.

"She's fine kid. She's healing more every day. She woke up a couple of days ago, she asked about you. I told her you were fine, she's fighting, she'll be better in a day or two." He tells me. This is good news, I smile, there's nothing holding me to the bed so I move my arms and legs, testing to see how stiff I am. That's when I feel it, or rather, I don't feel it. I know it's gone before I even pull the covers back, and sure enough my leg has been amputated just below the knee and I'm speechless. "We've already started working on getting you a prosthetic. We're expecting the victor's ceremony to be tomorrow. We'll have something temporary for you for that, maybe a wheelchair, but the new prosthetic will be ready for the final interview." Haymitch says quickly.

"No, no wheelchair." I object. "Katniss will blame herself for this; she won't see it as she did what she had to do to save my life, she'll see that she caused my leg to be amputated. I don't want her to see this as something that is going to be a burden to me. She'll feel terrible enough." Haymitch nods his head.

"We'll get something together. We'll start getting you up and working in it as soon as possible." Haymitch says. And sure enough within minutes people are bringing me food, it's hard to eat but I do it for the strength for what I'll need to do next. People take my measurements, a physical therapist comes in, a psychiatrist named Dr. Aurelius deems me fit enough mentally to start right away, when the bandages are removed I prepare myself for the worst, but when they are removed I am surprised to see the stump of my leg appears to be completely healed. The skin is healthy, not at all how it should look after only a few days. "They have good medicine here in the Capital." Dr. Aurelius says to me when he sees the surprise on my face.

So what I thought would be a long painful process is done in a day, learning how to balance and maneuver my walking with the prosthetic. I've seen some people in District 12, usually miners, who have lost limbs. They usually don't have prosthetics; they spend the rest of their lives in extreme poverty, getting around with just a crutch, or more often a walking stick and a hop. I consider myself very fortunate to have this prosthetic, and am surprised to hear the medical team apologize and say they'll have my permanent prosthetic ready for the final interview, but for now the temporary leg and a cane is what I'll use for the victor ceremony.

After a day of exercising and practice I'm exhausted. They continue to bring me food, I eat, vitamins and supplements, I take those too. The prosthetic still seems stiff to me, so I will use a cane for the ceremony as I'll only have the morning and part of the afternoon to continue to practice walking. Really, if I'm perfectly honest with myself I can already feel I've pushed too hard today. The stump of my leg is sore, my body that hasn't moved in days is aching badly, and I'm nauseous from the food that I ate, even though they started me out in just broth, applesauce and water.

Haymitch enters my hospital room just before I start to fall asleep. "You did it; you brought her home just like you said you would. You two made history, the first pair of victors to come out of a Hunger Games together ever, you should be proud of yourselves."

"Yeah, it's more than we could have ever hoped for." I say, finding it hard to keep my eyes open. Haymitch grabs my by the shoulder, shaking my slightly so I can keep my eyes open but he has his fingers to his lips indicating I should be quiet. He lays a handwritten note on the blanket in front of me. I read it quickly; he hardly gives me enough time before he takes it away and shoves it deep into his pocket. On it was written that we started something in the Capital, the first time people are questioning the Games, I mentioned poverty in the districts during my interview before the Games started, this upset the Capital, that tomorrow at the ceremony I must play this game just right because they think I had it all planned, that I need to show that I didn't intentionally play the Gamemakers for fools. I didn't get to read the rest, Haymitch doesn't give me a chance to ask what all that was about, he just simply leaves the room, leaving me to sit and contemplate what that letter was about. I fall asleep thinking about it.

In the morning I want desperately to ask Haymitch what that was about, but one look from him tells me that I can't. I spend the morning practicing walking on the prosthetic. "When will I get to see Katniss?" I ask Haymitch.

"This evening at the ceremony, they want to air the reunion live." He says to me. I nod my head, of course we are still playing the Games, and even I can admit that seeing that live from a Gamemaker's point of view is gold.

"How long has it been since the Games ended?" I ask, knowing that in past years there have always been a few days between the end of the Games and the Victor's Ceremony so that they have time to put the mess of a person back together again.

"It's been a week." He says to me simply before he excuses himself. Portia arrives; the rest of my afternoon is spent prepping for the ceremony this afternoon. I'm really looking forward to it, at least I'll get to see Katniss, set my mind at ease that this is not a dream that they really did allow us to survive together. I notice through the day that everyone seems on edge, I catch bits and pieces through the day from my prep team, although I never catch whole sentences because I am actively trying to ignore them, but I do hear "What will he do." And "Shut up, they told us to make sure not to tell him."

I'm dressed in a fine suit with a yellow shirt and a yellow flower in the pocket to match, I'm given my cane and taken under the stage where I stand on the pedestal and am pushed upward to the stage from underneath and the crowd goes wild. I'm temporarily blinded, but then I see her. She's standing a few feet away from me; she's dressed all in yellow, looking as innocent as ever. She takes a few steps toward me, they made her look so young, vulnerable, but she's still as beautiful as ever. I forget the crowd for a moment, just so happy to see that it's her, looking healthy, and her face breaks out into a smile and she runs and leaps into my arms. I nearly fall, and I'm kissing her, kissing her like I didn't think I'd ever be able to ever again. I never thought I'd live through those games, she's so soft in my arms, last time we did this we were nearly dying, and I'm just so grateful that we didn't.

**Katniss POV**

_Do you know?__Do you know how much danger we're in? _I'm thinking to myself almost the whole time Peeta is kissing me on the stage. After about ten minutes of us kissing and the whole Capital going crazy for it Caesar Flickerman taps on his shoulder to continue the show, but Peeta just pushes him aside without even glancing at him. The audience goes berserk. Whether he knows it or not, Peeta is, as usual, playing the crowd exactly right until Haymitch interrupts us and pushes us to the victor's chair.

Caesar and Peeta talk, make jokes, and then it's time for the show. This will last exactly three hours, and is required viewing for all of Panem. I'm dreading the moment he finds out, Haymitch told me when I was under the stage and our voices could be drowned out by the roar of the crowd that President Snow is convinced that I went into those Games pregnant on purpose, that combined with Peeta's mention of how impoverished the Districts are was to highlight how heartless the Capital is, to create unrest and rebellion in the nation. Everyone has been under strict orders to keep my miscarriage from Peeta so that the President himself can see if this was truly an accident between two careless teenagers. This is part of the reason why we were both allowed to live after the rule about two victors from the same district had been revoked, it would have solidified the hushed rumors within the Capital that these Games had gone too far. Apparently we created a lot of empathy, people in the Capital stopped seeing us as things for their amusement, and some began to recognize the cruelty of the Games.

So as I sit and watch, waiting for that heartbreaking moment to come I watch the Games with Peeta at my side. I'm trembling, and I know he can feel it, he rubs small circles on my back, puts his arm around me, holds me close, I'm so close I may as well be sitting on his lap. I do get to see the fight between Peeta and Cato, I watch as he darts from the forest just after the tracker jackers swarm the Careers, he heads straight for my bow and arrows, and I watch as I'm stumbling around and he shoves me and tells me to run just as Cato emerges from the trees. They square off; I'm on the edge of my seat. Cato clearly thinking he has the upper hand taunts Peeta into agreeing to fight without any weapons at all, Peeta says only if Cato tosses his sword away first. They do it at the same time, which is quite foolish because you can also see both boys wrestling with reality, at times both of them trying to shake tracker jacker images from their minds. For a while all we are watching is a fist fight, a bloody brawl that is fairly evenly matched, Cato is strong, but Peeta is quick. Cato gets in a couple of good body shots on Peeta, but then Peeta head butts Cato, which sends him back, and Peeta takes advantage and charges him. Both fall on the ground and Peeta is punching every part of Cato, but mostly his face. Then you can see the tracker jacker poison taking hold of them both, they are dizzy and both shake their head several times to clear away the hallucinations and try to focus on the match at hand. Cato pushes Peeta away and both boys are able to stand but barely, and for a moment they are just grappling with one another again, but then their movements slow and they slump against one another and fall into an unconscious heap. After hours you see the stirring of life from Peeta, which seems to trigger a response from Cato, I'm holding my breath waiting to see who will come to their senses first. After some crawling around and realizing the danger they are both in it seems that they have come to their senses both boys see their weapons that had been tossed to the side and scramble in different directions, Peeta for the knife, Cato for the sword. I nearly die when I see Cato reach his sword first and chop at Peeta's leg like he's holding an axe at nearly the same time Peeta throws the sword at Cato, getting it to land deep in his throat, it seems like I'm watching the boy from District 1 die all over again when Cato pulls the knife from his throat and dies a quick death drowning in his own blood. Peeta is covered in blood, his and Cato's, finally, bloody and hurt, Peeta has enough sense about him to take the backpack that Cato was wearing. The tracker jacker poison must still have some hold on his mind at this point because he stands on his leg without protest, and he drags himself far enough away and sits against a tree. The camera cuts to shots of different people in their different positions in the game.

I'm watching as the video cuts to a shot of later that night when Peeta wakes and I let out a sigh of relief, I've been holding my breath this whole time as if Peeta isn't sitting beside me and I don't know how all of this turns out, but really we didn't get a chance to talk about his fight with Cato. I didn't even know he was wounded. Peeta lets out a shout of pain, he's very pale and is pretty much sitting in a pool of blood. He opens the backpack and I cheer along with the crowd as we see it's full of medical supplies and food. Apparently Cato kept all the good stuff form the Cornucopia for himself, and a boy like that is only concerned about staying fed, and not getting hurt. There's an expensive medicine from the Capital that Peeta applies to the wound so deep I can see the bone in his leg and wraps it with clean bandages. Apparently he did only suffer the one tracker jacker sting because I see him chew the leaves that he had kept in his jacket pocket and apply them to his sting just as Rue said that she told him to. I look to Peeta and smile before I lightly kiss him on the lips. The cameras haven't missed it, and as I turn back to the screen I see all of Panem has watched this moment that I thought I had snuck in without anyone seeing.

We watch as the cameras turn to me when I wake from my own tracker jacker induced coma. There were shots of Rue caring for me from time to time, but they catch me wake and look for water, it's silent as they watch me realize that I've been bleeding; only you can't tell yet on the screen. All you can really see is that I'm realizing something and then heading into the bush to hide my discovery before cleaning up. I feel Peeta's arm around me give me a squeeze and I look at the confused expression on his face. They show pretty much my whole time with Rue, they show me blow up the supplies, they show me spend the night under that bush, hurt and writhing from the cramps in my abdomen, and the next morning I'm still walking a little hunched over, compensating for the pain that I thought I was hiding so well. Peeta's hand is in mine now, I sit back, not looking forward to the moment he puts all the clues together, and it should be obvious from the look on my face that this is something I'm not looking forward to him coming to terms with. Rue dies, I sing, the crowd is silent, knowing what happens next.

**Peeta POV**

I watch the screen, Katniss is still clutching her stomach, bent over in pain like she was when I caught up to her, but other than her being blown back in the explosion I don' t see what's causing it truly until she lets out an agonizing scream and falls to her knees. She's bleeding so much but she makes it to the stream, she gets in and the water fills with blood, there's so much, and she's crying, screaming, shouting "No, no not this….please! I didn't know!"

I feel dread fill my body, I stand, and I look out at the crowd, people crying, weeping for what has just happened in front of them again. I look to Katniss, her face is in her hands and her body seems to be wracked with sobs. As if confirming it the audio on the video plays out around me, torturing me with the sounds of Katniss' agonized cries, her pleads for forgiveness "Peeta, I didn't' t know." She keeps repeating over and over to herself on the screen. I look to the video once more and recognize that she is where I found her later that night; she went through all of this alone. I watch her give up, wish for death. I get on my knees as best I can with my prosthetic attached in front of Katniss; I pull her hands from her face and look into her eyes so filled with sadness.

"That's so much worse than I remember it." She says quietly to me. The video plays on, it's as if Katniss and I in this moment are too heartbroken for all of Panem to see and so the cameras are not on us, so I take advantage and hug her around her middle and rest my head against her stomach.

Haymitch comes to us and whispers, "Get it together you two, this is not something you want broadcast for everyone to see." I agree, this is something that should have never been made public for anyone, this should have never happened in the first place. We compose ourselves, and by the end of the show we have reasonably put ourselves back together enough for me to smile and wave good-bye to the crowd. The show doesn't stop here, we are whisked away to the President's mansion for the Victory Banquet, we try to get a moment alone together, but unless we are kissing we constantly have people coming up to us, congratulating us, or taking our picture.

We leave just after dawn and are separated again, Haymitch went with Katniss, it seems like we aren't allowed to be alone. Portia assures me there will be plenty of time to be alone with Katniss after the final interview today at two o'clock. I go to sleep, exhausted from staying awake all night at the banquet.

Around noon they come and collect me and prepare me for the final victor interview. When we arrive for the interview at two o'clock I see Katniss and hug her, all I've wanted is some time alone with her, but it seems that everyone has done everything they can to keep us apart, I'm sure she's been feeling the same. "Don't worry," I tell her. "This is the last interview, and then we go home. They can't keep us apart forever." She nods in agreement and I kiss her quickly.

The interview goes as expected; Katniss is getting really good at acting for the cameras. She's dress like an innocent little girl again as she was the night before, she sits as close to me as she can, puts her head on my shoulder. There are only two times we can't keep our expressions hidden behind our masks, once by Katniss when Caesar asks about my new leg, and Katniss gets on her hands and knees to inspect the damage done to me in the Games. I laugh it off, and she does exactly what I knew she would, blames herself. The second is when they televise a list of fallen tributes and at number 21 has the name D12-"Everdeen-Mellark fetus" next to it, just in between Clove from District 2 and the girl from district 5 we were calling Foxface. I can't keep the anger from my face that they actually had the nerve to list it. We wrap up, Caesar shakes my hand and we are guided from the television studio outside where a crowd has gathered to get a glimpse of us on our way to the train station.

We wave like the happy little grateful victors we are supposed to be, getting into our car with the blacked out windows that is waiting to take us to the train station. It's not a long ride, but I'm anxious to get there, to go home. There's another crowd awaiting us at the train station, and because I'm happy that this will be the last I'll see of the Capital for at least six months just as we are about to board the train Katniss and I turn to the crowd to wave goodbye and I wrap my arm around her waist and give her a deep kiss for the crowd. There are cheers and we board the train. We continue to wave until the train departs the platform, finally Effie releases us, we head straight to the room that was Katniss' on the way here and we collapse on the bed, she crawls to me, we don't say anything. She rests her head on my chest, her ear on my heart; I wrap my arms around her again, holding her tightly to me. We fall asleep, there is still much to say to each other, but suddenly I find we have forever to say it, we are safe.

**Katniss POV**

I've slept all through the night; Peeta must have woken at some point because I see he's removed his prosthetic leg. It's just breaking dawn; I got to the window and look outside. I think we're in District 12; hopefully we'll be home soon.

I wake Peeta with a kiss. He smiles sleepily at me. I lie in top of him and cover his face in little playful kisses like we haven't had the opportunity to do before. Before the Games we didn't have a relationship like this, and when we did every kiss felt desperate, like we were trying to prove who loved who more, or just desperate to spend the last reminding time we had giving each other that memory of being together in that way. When we get back home to District 12 everything is going to be different. We spend the morning in our own little happy blissful world where only we exist on this train; it's a relief after not seeing each other for a week. Before the Hunger Games started I'd never spent more than a night away from Peeta and his family. Only the nights when Madge would invite me to her house for a sleep over would I ever spend away from the Mellark home. It's like we don't want to ruin our happy morning, I don't mention his leg, and he doesn't ask about the miscarriage, although I know we are each burning with our own questions. Effie knocks on the door eventually and announces that "another big big big day" is ahead of us. Reluctantly we get dressed and head out for breakfast.

Haymitch isn't all that bad anymore. I don't detest him like I did before. He's smiling and joking with Effie, it must be a relief for him, this Game was more than he ever could have hoped for, he didn't lose a single tribute. I know now that his drinking was his way of coping and turning a bound we to the children who he was sending to their death, his way of not getting attached.

"I can't wait to get home." Peeta says happily. I nod my head in agreement.

"I know, it'll be nice to get back to normal." I say.

Haymitch looks at us with his eyebrows raised. "You both know things aren't ever going to be "normal" again right?" He says. "Things will calm down, but I think your idea of normal is about to change."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Don't forget, you're Victors now, and popular ones. People from the Capital will be around the district for a few weeks, just waiting to snap your picture Sweetheart. When we arrive there will be a great celebration meeting us at the train station. Oh, and don't forget you're moving to my neighbourhood now, you each will be getting your own home in the Victor's Village."

He takes a bit of his breakfast, giving Peeta and me a chance to let all this sink in. Peeta looks at me, "it's going to be fine." He says in a way that makes me feel like he's trying to convince himself that everything will be fine as well as me.

I realize that both of us were so convinced that we were going to die in the arena that we didn't take time to think about what would happen if we actually survived.

"Also, you two should know that the Gamemakers created a kind of love triangle between the two of you and the Hawthorne kid." Haymitch mutters quickly.

"What? Why?" I ask stunned.

"Well, c'mon. You can see it, the kid's pretty attractive as far as Capital viewers are concerned. When you two made it to the final eight and they realized you both had the same parents they needed to find more people to interview for Katniss. They asked around and I guess most people thought you two were already a couple. I don't know yet, but I'm sure people in the district were pretty surprised that you two came together for the Games. Don't forget, most people thought you were brother and sister. One the Gamemakers got sight Hawthorne, I don't know, it looked like a pretty good spin on the story."

"She's not my sister," Peeta says like he's done millions of times before whenever people assume that's the case. "Besides, Gale looks more like her than I do." Peeta points out. It's true; Gale and I have the same complexion, same eyes, and same hair colour, the typical Seam look. It would have been more reasonable to call him my cousin.

"Nothing's ever gone on between me and Gale, not like that, he's just my friend." I say.

Haymitch holds his hands up in defense, "I'm just giving you two fair warning. The cameras are going to be interested in how you react to him. Hazelle and the kids and Gale will all be there at the celebration when we arrive, at least he should be there. It'll look worse if he isn't and if you don't acknowledge him being there. Don't forget, everyone lives for a good show." He says the last part in a phony capital accent. Effie huffs a little at his impression.

"Yes they do, but your 'friend'" Effie says with air quotations, as if she doesn't fully believe that Gale is just my friend. "Has been rather hush hush about the whole thing. In interviews he comes across as sulky and irritated. Which only reinforced that he's not happy about you two being together and he has created quite the scandal." Effie's says the last part in an excited sort of way.

Peeta and I return to my room we definitely aren't in the playful mood we were in before we went to breakfast. We dress in the outfits the stylists sent home with us, we still rather complement each other, but in a less obvious way. Both of us are wearing different shades of blue, him on a tunic style shirt, me in a casual dress. I step up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his back. "What are we going to do?" I ask.

He sighs, "I don't know, I didn't think this far ahead, and to be honest, I didn't think I'd live to ever make it back home again."

"Neither did I. I didn't realize the Games aren't over, we'll never really be out of them will we?" I say quietly.

"No, I suppose not. They will be back for the Victory Tour in a few months; we'll have to go back as mentors every year." We stand in silence for a few minutes before Peeta says, "Let's just take it one day at a time. Let's get through this; we will get through this….together."

"Just like always." I say.

We feel the train stop. Effie knocks on the door; we open it and go with her to the exit. We look out the window, it looks like the whole district had shown up, and we can already see the cameras placed around the train station to capture our return to our district. Peeta takes my hand; I look into his deep blue eyes. He puts his hand on my cheek and kisses me before the door opens, before the cameras gobble up the image, it's a nice reassuring kiss that is just for us.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N - Sorry Everlarkians, I'm going to start causing all kinds of trouble for our favourite couple, otherwise, this would get really boring really fast...

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**Peeta POV**

It's finally quiet; this could be any dinner that we might have been having if we hadn't been reaped, except that we are dressed much better. There is an awkward silence that I know my family is desperate to fill with questions that demand answers to unveil the truth. Katniss and I have been whisked all over the District since we departed from the train station this morning that we haven't had time to talk, so I don't even know how much of the truth that I do or don't know. Once we got off the train we stepped on to the platform and we were immediately in a state of chaos. The whole district turned out to greet us, everyone was cheering, Katniss and I were all smiles, and we were greeted on the platform itself by our friends and family. It was nice, and I think the people from our District were genuinely happy that we made it back; this is the first time in history that two Victors made it through the Games after all. In this particular case, there is no sense of loss, no guilt at being the survivor. Then my family, Katniss and I were all whisked away to the mayor's office where our stylist dressed and prepared us for lunch with the mayor and his family. It was nice because Katniss and Madge are such good friends, Madge cried when Katniss gave her a hug at the train station and they were pretty much inseparable all through the lunch, whenever the cameras didn't demand attention from the two of us.

I take a bite of the rabbit stew my mother has prepared; I dip my fresh roll in the stew and eat that too. I can't help it, I moan in appreciation of this meal that tastes so much like home, I don't think I've ever appreciated my mother's cooking like I do in this moment. I hear Katniss giggle beside me, a knowing look on her face; she's been nibbling on her favourite cheese buns. She leans over and bumps me with her shoulder. It's only been a few hours, but we are so happy and relieved to be home, no cameras pressing into our faces, no pretending.

"So is this real or what? I can't tell anymore." Rye says suddenly, breaking the silence. I turn my attention to my family again and see that they are all waiting for an answer.

"This has always been real. Peeta and I were always going to be together, wasn't that obvious?" Katniss asks.

"No." Rye said shaking his head. "To be honest I did think you were kind of with Gale this whole time. I knew Peeta was all hung up on you and that he was in love with you, it's just..." Rye leaves the rest of his sentence hanging in the air, trying to think of a way to explain himself. "Katniss, you just…didn't seem to return his feelings as strongly. I guess you were better at hiding it."

"Rye, you're so oblivious." She says with a shake of her head. "You both knew, right?" Katniss says asking my mother and father.

They look at each other from across the table. "Yes, we knew." My mother says.

"I knew you loved her, but I kind of thought it was more like a brother sister thing." Says Graham.

"She's not my sister." I say for what has to be the millionth time. "I always say that, whenever you call her my sister. You two are just so..." I just shake my head without finishing my sentence. I want to say thick, stupid, but I don't.

"Ok, but if you aren't with Gale then why did you jump into his arms and hug him like that?" Rye asks Katniss.

Katniss blushes a little, I raise my eyebrow as I look at her. I notice she sneaks a glance at me out of the corner of her eye, "He's my best friend. I was glad to see him."

I'd like to say it didn't bother me, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I was at the very least surprised. To be fair she greeted the whole Hawthorne family the same way, she even got a little teary eyed when little Posy jumped into Katniss' arms. I only gave Gale a friendly hand shake, I smiled for the cameras, and Gale gave his best non-scowl look.

My father surprises all of us when he asks in a quiet voice, "Was the baby real?"

This causes everyone to stop, any teasing that my brothers have been initiating stops and silence fills the room. I look to Katniss and the colour has drained from her face, I put my arm around her in reassurance. "Dad, Katniss and I haven't even had a chance to talk about this ourselves yet."

"It was real." Katniss whispers. She looks at my parents, "I'm sorry if I've caused you any shame, it's just, we thought we were going to die, neither one of us expected to make it home, and I didn't know before the games started that I was..." She's on the verge of tears and I hug her to my chest, interrupting her explanation. My mother reaches out and pats her hand gently, making reassuring hushing noises.

"I'm sorry mom, it was me..." I start to say but stop when she shakes her head indicating that this isn't necessary to explain.

"We understand." She says to both of us.

"We were wondering if you kids would like to have a toasting." My father says to us.

Katniss and I both look to him quickly. "A toasting, dad, aren't we a little young for that?" I ask.

"Well, yes, but you've been through so much together. You each have your own home now in the Victors Village." He reasons. "You'll be moving out now won't you, most likely together; you two have been inseparable since you were eleven years old."

I shake my head, "Can't we just let things get back to normal before we start talking about all of this?" I ask. I look down at Katniss who looks back at me with those grey eyes still brimming with tears from talking about the miscarriage. "I'm going to ask Katniss to marry me properly, not like this. Not as a suggestion over the dinner table, while there are still reporters from the Capital waiting to spin lies out of any hint of a story they can get from us." I say to everyone, but all through my little speech I don't break eye contact with Katniss. She smiles at me and nods her head in agreement.

Dinner passes, the mood in the air still awkward. Mother and father go to clean the dishes, I watch them for a moment and think, this is how it would have been if we'd never been reaped, if we hadn't gone to the games. I stand and walk to the living room and suddenly I'm attacked from behind and I'm in the Games again. In my mind I can feel the way I felt coming out of the tracker jacker poison, I look around and see Cato, we lock eyes, I know where I tossed my knife, if only I can make it there before he does...

"Peeta!" I think I see Katniss coming out of the bushes, I told her to run, she should be gone by now, far away from here. "Peeta! Stop!" She says to me again, now she's kneeling in front of me, shaking me. I shake my head and my childhood home comes into focus. I look around; Rye is beside me on the ground where I just thought I saw Cato. Graham and my parents are standing looking at me. "Peeta, you were having a flashback. You're ok, we are at home." I shake the images from my head again. "Rye tackled you, everything is fine."

"I'm sorry, it's just you said you wanted things to be the way they were before. I didn't think…" Rye tries to explain quickly but I interrupt him.

"It's ok, its fine, you didn't know that would happen. I didn't know that would happen." I say with a shake of my head. My heart is pumping so fast and I'm breathing heavily. "I'm sorry, I just...it happened so fast. It seemed so real." Katniss hugs me, I hold her tightly. Rye apologizes to me, I tell him not to worry about it. This has never happened to me before, but really, the games for me only ended two days ago when I woke up still alive. The rest of the night passes without incident. It gets late, and in spite of being given a thorough tour of our new homes it becomes obvious we are staying here tonight.

Our bedrooms are untouched, they look exactly like they did the morning of the raping a whole month ago. I pause at the door to her room while everyone else is walking into theirs, she takes my hand. We don't know what to do, I look into her eyes, and I rest my hand on her cheek. She pushes the hair from my eyes, I catch her hand, and our deep stare into each other's eyes doesn't break. This is a decision we need to make, do we accept that in this world things have changed in so many ways, can we accept the change between us, and the way people see us. What we were doing is all well and good in the Capital when you're doing everything you can to survive, to remind yourself that you're still living, but are in reality now, we're still just a couple of kids, we're only sixteen years old. I drop her hand, the way I used to when we didn't acknowledge how intense this thing was between us. I'm afraid she'll be angry, but she smiles knowingly. She walks into her room, and I hesitate for a moment before walking into the room I've shared with my brothers for years. We're not ready for that change yet, not here.

Rye and Graham look at me, then each other with raised eyebrows. "She shut you down?" Rye can't resist teasing me. I smile slightly; it's good to be home.

"Shut up." Is my only reply to him. I lay on my small cot that I outgrew long ago, so much different from the plush soft beds in the Capital, or on the train, but its home. I fall asleep to the sounds of my brothers bickering like I have my whole life before. It's nice.

I dream a lot, images of the Games mixed in with Katniss are in my mind. Mostly bad images, her being alone, abandoned, when I dream one of the mutts that chased us through the arena that day in the Games kill her I feel myself being shaken and I jolt awake. My limbs are stiff from me being so tense, I'm sweating. I roll over and find Katniss at my bedside, her face level with my own. She holds her fingers to her lips, and beckons for me to follow her and she leads me to her room. She lies on her bed, I sit beside her in the same spot on the floor the way I always used to.

I breathe out a sigh of relief; this could be any night, any night at all from before the reaping. "Tonight was the first night I ever had a nightmare that you didn't save me from, but it looks like I got to save you this time." Katniss whispers to me in the dark. I nod my head in agreement. We sit in silence for a few minutes before she says "It's funny isn't it? How nothing has changed here except for us."

"Yeah, but it's nice to have one night to try to forget." I say. She nods her head in agreement. I look at her, "I'm sorry you went through all that alone. I wish I was there for you, I wish you had told me in the arena."

"I didn't want to believe that really happened. I woke after days of being unconscious, I didn't know if you were dead or alive until I met up with Rue. I didn't even have any clue that I was pregnant until I wasn't anymore." she explains in a quiet voice. "I didn't know where you were, and when it happened I thought for sure that was it, I lost you completely. I convinced myself that you must have been dying somewhere, all alone, and that I was going to hear your cannon go off any minute. And there I was, losing the last piece of you I could have saved. I gave up; I wanted to die without you."

I take her hand; I can feel the lump forming in my throat and tears threatening to spill over. "I'm so sorry I did that to you, I wasn't thinking of anything that could have happened. All I knew is that whether you lived or died, I had at the most probably a week or two to live, and I was selfish and wanted that part of you for myself. I wanted to be your first. The thought that someone else was going to get to spend the rest of their life with you, I just wanted to think that maybe you would have that memory of us in your heart, that I could show you how much I loved you even when I was gone, and that there would be no doubt in your mind for the rest of your life why I was so willing to die so that you could live the long life you are supposed to."

Katniss just rolls her eyes and leans over and kisses me. The kiss doesn't stop, she pulls on my hand until I join her in her bed and I'm in top of her again, that familiar hunger for each other beginning to take us over. She stops us by putting her hand against my chest and pushing me away gently. "Did you do it on purpose? Was that your intention all along, to get me pregnant?"

"No." I answer honestly. The bed is small, I move off her to the side so she is resting snugly between me and the wall.

"I've been thinking a lot. I thought maybe you did it on purpose. You were saying things like there would be people for me to live for after you were gone, and I would have done it. I would have lived for our child, raised it. Told it stories about us, and how much we loved each other, how it seemed that we were always meant to go through all these obstacles together." She looks at me, "there would have never been anyone else for me except you, but our child would have been enough for me to live a happy life."

I smile at her and kiss her, but through the kiss I feel her body moving, I pull back and find she has started to cry, really cry and openly sob in a way I haven't seen since that night. "I understand my mother now, why she gave up when my father died; I understand that kind of love. Even if I ever wanted to avoid it or run away from it I never would have been able to because you and me are bound the same way I think, I accepted my love for you before I was smart enough to know to deny it. Since the Games ended I've had two thoughts, that I understand why she gave up, but at the same time I hate her so fully. I would have raised our child, but she had two children there for her, begging every day for her to come back to life for them, and then Prim died. What was wrong with me? I could have made her happy; I would have helped us to survive. She just left me here alone. Why wasn't I enough for her? What was so wrong with me that she felt she could just leave me here, she didn't even try to let me help her through it." It breaks my heart to hear her say this. I hug her into my chest until she is out of tears. She's never spoken about her mother this way before.

"I don't know." Is all I can say to her. I really don't. Katniss nods her head, and she wipes the tears from her eyes. She climbs on top of me, and I give her the love and comfort she is searching for. We make love to each other in her childhood bedroom, slowly, quietly so as not to wake anyone else up. It's the first time I don't sneak back into my bedroom before anyone else wakes up so they don't know I spent the night in Katniss' room.

I wake with my family the same as we always used to, I go downstairs, help to light to ovens, and bake. Sometimes I can lose myself in the baking, the repetition of it is soothing and calming to me. Its wedding season, after the Games there are usually a lot of couples who get married, especially in the Seam, they have their coal mining career, they can apply for a house, my father gives me a cake to decorate. I do a better job than any I've ever done before.

Katniss has been sleeping all morning, that's not like her. I look up from my work and look at the time. It's still early morning, Graham pats my shoulder on his way out the door, he is heading off to his apprenticeship with the builder. Graham has been dating his daughter and things are getting serious, before we left for the Games he was talking about proposing marriage. He loves her, they've been dating steadily since their last year in school and he's been apprenticing since after his last his last reaping. There is only one builder and he has a few workers but no sons, it's a good business to inherit and it would leave the bakery for Rye to take over. The business of construction and maintenance is not very profitable, he only builds houses and shops, does maintenance and repairs around the district as authorized by the Capital, but it provides enough for a family to stay comfortable as far as the merchant class goes. Graham is lucky that he fell in love with the right girl. My parents didn't have to worry about his future once it was obvious the two of them were falling in love with one another. Rye hasn't found anyone serious yet, but I somehow always pictured Katniss and I raising our family here. As far as me and my bothers it was always obvious I was the one with the real passion for this career.

"Maybe you should stop baking now son?" My dad says to me in the form of a question. I look up and realize I've baked more than what we normally do. We'll have a lot of waste this week.

"Sorry, I just, got lost in my thought I guess." I say with a bashful shrug of my shoulders. "It's just nice to do something familiar."

My dad nods his head knowingly. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours since we arrived back in the District. A lot is still weighing heavily on my mind. I look upstairs, not sure whether to wake Katniss or give her space. She revealed last night that recent events have reopened scars that she thought were mended. I look around at all the bread I made, just plain normal bread, but very valuable to people in the Seam, bread that may just be exactly the type of thing that could save a family. With the baking done for the day I find one of the largest sacks we have and load it with the bread that I made after dropping the appropriate number for coins in the cash register to pay for them all. No one is in the front of the store yet, it's still too early to open, I let my father know I'm going for a walk.

I head out into the open air and take a deep breath; I follow my feet to the part of the Seam that I know Katniss came from, where I know it's hardest to survive on a miners salary alone, or even some of the houses where I know people don't have even that much for one reason or another. I knock and when someone answers I hand them the loaf and leave quickly. I've only brought about ten loaves with me and I quickly run out. The last house I go to I recognize the woman holding the little girl with pigtails as Gale's mother and little sister. I greet them kindly, wish them a good morning and leave, but just a few yards from the house I run into Gale who must be just returning from his morning hunt. We stop and look at each other, it's awkward.

"Hello." I greet him. He only nods at me in a faint greeting. "Thanks, for playing along with the Capital when they came around."

He gives me a scowl that must be common for people from the Seam. It reminds me of Katniss'. "I played along for her. I wasn't going to at all until my mother reminded me that valuable sponsors for her were on the line." He explains with a touch of anger in his voice, and emphasis on "her".

I nod my head and go to step around him and continue on my way. "Well, no matter the reason behind it, I appreciate it."

"You were intentionally making it hard for her you know. There was no way if you died in those games that I could have ever been with her." Gale says as I pass by him. His words stop me in my tracks and I look at him. "She would have felt too guilty about being with me. The only way that I could ever be with her is if you let her go, but you didn't do that."

"I didn't intentionally make it hard for her, I wasn't thinking about her running to you after I died at the time. I was thinking that this was my last few weeks in this earth with the girl I love, and I knew she loved me. There was no thought beyond that at all." I admit.

He gives me a kind of smirk. "She could love me too you know, if she ever looked passed you. You saw how happy she was to see me when she got off the train."

I look out to the woods, it was a bit surprising the way she lit up and ran into his arms. I can admit that I was jealous, but they've been friends for years. I wasn't ever going to ask Katniss if they were ever anything more, or if she wanted to be. It just seemed so obvious to me there was nothing more than friendship, and Gale is just such a withdrawn kind of guy. Maybe she had said something to him to make him think she wanted more than friendship, but she felt obligated to me.

I'm over thinking this now, and I know it, I look back to Gale and he has a kind of triumphant look on his face. He knows he planted a seed of doubt, no matter how small, it's in my head now and it'll be hard to shake. I've never doubted Katniss' feelings towards me, but maybe I should have also questioned hers towards him. In any case, the words spring from my mouth before I can stop them. "They warned us, on the train. We knew what we were coming home to, we knew what story the Capital was spinning and that you would be at the train station." It's not a lie, but the smirk falls from his face and it's my turn to be triumphant. I've indicated to him that her happiness to see him when we arrived back wasn't as genuine as he thought, and I don't really know myself if they were or not. But Katniss doesn't play the game as well as I do, and I have more than just a feeling that even if the reporters weren't there at the train station she would have reacted the same way. She has talked about the Hawthornes, she loves the whole family. She likes that she can help Gale provide for them.

This is really my first real interaction with Gale without Katniss around, and it's going badly. She doesn't have many friends, and I know she would be furious if she knew how this was going. I have to hope that she'll be just as mad at Gale.

We both stand there for another minute before I say, "Have a good day Gale. Enjoy the bread." And continue my walk home.

**Katniss POV**

I wake in the morning, it's late, I can tell. Peeta is not beside me. I lay in bed; I've never had the opportunity to do this before, I've never not had a purpose to keep busy. But now that there are so many reporters in the District I can't very well sneak off into the woods without anyone noticing, that's a major offence, and the Peacekeepers may have looked the other way before, but they won't be able to now. Now that Peeta and I are victors I can spare these mornings, we have more money than I'll ever be able to spend. Right now in the one suitcase that I brought here to the Mellark home I have more coins than I've ever seen in my whole entire lifetime. Without the ability to hunt for now I decide that what I can do to help people the most is to spread my wealth. People need coins as much as they need meat and rabbit skins. With Gale hunting and with what I've taught him of trading they will still get plenty of that, but if I make purchases and pay generously at both the Hob and the merchant shops I'll be able to give people the opportunity to buy what they need.

I'm still in bed, planning my day and how I can spend my coins so that everyone gets at least some of them when Peeta comes walking in my room. I smile at him. He looks at me for a moment before he smiles back. Somehow he looks relieved. I move over and pat the bed beside me; he sits and plants a quick kiss on my lips. "What are we doing today?" He asks. "Normally we would probably go swimming or to the forest, but the reporters are all around the district." He says.

"Are there still reporters still outside?" I ask. When we came home to the bakery swarms of reporters followed us here and stayed outside waiting for a glimpse of us for hours.

"I went for a walk around the district this morning. I didn't see anyone, but that was very early, there were a few starting to set up as I came home. They looked surprised to see me come in, they weren't ready and missed their shot at me." He says. "They won't last a week, not in an outlying district. They won't be able to stand the coal dust on their shoes for long." He says with a bit of a hopeful laugh.

"Oh? Where did you go?" I brush his hair out of his eyes while I ask the question. I love the silky feel of his hair, but mostly, I love that I'm the only one who gets to do it.

He sighs slightly, "I was just really restless this morning and doing a lot of thinking and I made so much bread that it was just going to go to waste. So I took the extra stuff down to the Seam and gave it out to whoever looked like they could use it."

"Did they accept it?" I ask.

He looks at me as if I'm crazy. "Yes, why wouldn't they?"

"Well, there's this thing about people who are from the Seam. They don't like charity or feeling like they owe people." I try to explain. Peeta nods his head, as I'm watching him it looks like he comes to the realization of something and he puts his head in his hands. "What is it?" I ask.

"Nothing big, it's just...I'm sure Gale will be stopping by today." He says in a kind of miserable tone. He must have given Gale's family a loaf of bread, I just sigh knowing that for some reason Gale and Peeta don't coexist well in my world. I wish they could both be friends, but Gale has resented people from the merchant class for far to long for that to be an option. I suddenly get the urge to ask Peeta something I've been contemplating all morning, "how long do you think we are going to pretend that nothing has changed?"

Peeta looks at me with those big blue eyes of his. "What do you mean?"

"Well...I was thinking that after last night, maybe it would be a good idea to move into one of those Victor's houses we own." I look away, I can feel the blush rise in my cheeks at what I'm implying that I like having sex with Peeta and that I want to have more of it, a lot more.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" He asks. I feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach. Why wouldn't he want to live with me? He puts his hand over mine. "Maybe we shouldn't be doing this, what if something happens that we're not ready for?" He implies looking at my stomach.

I look back at him again, relieved that I understand what his concern is. "Don't worry about that. Even in the Capital a pregnant teenager is taboo and is not someone they want traveling the Districts. They don't need someone promoting that loophole in the Hunger Games."

"So there's no way that could happen to us? Ever?" He asks, suddenly sounding very concerned for our future.

"Well...not ever. When we're ready, I just need to see doctor from the Capital. Should be easy enough since we'll be there once a year." I say, hoping he doesn't press for more details. "Can you imagine the Capital going crazy for our kids? They'll be famous, the child of the star crossed lovers?" He nods his head. It's unfortunate that something like unwanted fame will follow our child.

"Well, we can worry about that later. Do you know which house you want to pick?" Peeta asks, suddenly excited by the idea. I stand, and head towards my suitcase with my clothes in it. As I walk by Peeta grabs me around the waist and pulls me to his lap, I squeal and giggle, this is not common for me. I'm quickly losing my naturally hard exterior, but I guess it was never really there for Peeta. He kisses me deeply and I let my fingers run though his hair. "Stop, we're never going to make it to look at those houses." He lets me go and I stand and get dressed for the day, I braid my hair and wash up. It's nearly lunch hour and the bakery is abnormally busy with Capital reporters flooding the store front, ordering breads and pastries for their lunch. Rye and Mrs. Mellark are at the front of the store; Mr. Mellark is working in the back, busily preparing to make more rolls and desserts. Peeta sees that he needs help and jumps into action alongside his father, Rye opens the door between the storefront and the bakery and a reporter sees that Peeta Mellark himself is making the very food they are eating; it causes them to order even more food.

"Looks like we are going to have to wait." Peeta says to me apologetically.

I want to help, but surely if I go to the front of the store all chaos will break loose.

"Did you two have plans for the day?" Mr. Mellark asks.

"Yes, actually, we were going to choose which house to move into. We stopped to let you know but, it looks like you need more than my help here right now." Peeta explains to his father.

"So, you are moving in together?" Mr. Mellark asks. "Without a toasting?"

Peeta glances at me, I shrug somewhat embarrassed. "No, we were just going to pick which one we were each going to take." Peeta lies.

Mr. Mellark nods his head knowingly, Peeta didn't manage to fool his father, I can tell by the way he looks at the two of us. "You'd better explain that more convincingly when you tell your mother." He says to Peeta. I have to laugh a little at that, Mr. and Mrs. Mellark are probably the only two people who can easily see through his lies better than I can.

There's a knock at the back door of the bakery, I go to answer it since the Mellark men are up to their elbows in flour right now. I open the door with a scowl on my face, convinced that it will be a reporter but instead it's Gale standing on the other side. He had a scowl on his face until he sees that it's me who answers the door. "Hi." I say to him brightly with a smile.

Gale looks for a minute like he was caught off guard, then he hands me two squirrels. "Here, I brought these as payment for the bread that Peeta dropped off this morning."

I shake my head, "No, Gale, you keep them. Peeta just made too much bread this morning; he gave it out because it would have gone to waste anyway." As I say it Gale looks over my shoulder into the back of the bakery and I know he can see how busy it is. I look over my shoulder and I see Peeta give a look at Gale and I can't tell if it's worry or annoyance on his face.

"Katniss, just take the squirrels." He says to me exasperatedly.

I take them, and he's about to turn to leave when I call out to him. "Gale, do you want to go for a walk? Maybe talk for a minute, it's been a while since we got to just talk."

He stops, looks at me, glances quickly to the back of the bakery at Peeta and nods his head. The reporters have all filed inside the bakery by now, so it seems safe enough, but we head in a direction that can't be seen from the storefront as a precaution. I don't want anyone following me, I can only imagine the story they would come up with if they saw me and Gale walking together alone.

We walk together for a while in comfortable silence, the feeling that summer is coming to an end is in the air, but it's still a very warm day. "I start working in the mines on Monday." Gale breaks the silence with his news. I look at him surprised, though I don' t know why, there was never any other future for Gale than one in the mines.

"I'll keep hunting for your family. Tell your mother to let me know what she needs, I'll trade whatever I get for whatever I can, or buy it if I have to." I say.

"No Katniss, we don't need your money." Gale says rather sullenly.

"I don't mind at all, it'll give me something to do. I'll go crazy without something to do." I try to persuade him. "Besides, I'll do it whether you give me permission or not, you'll be in the mines, you won't be able to stop me." I remind him. I'm rewarded with one of Gale's rare smiles.

"Fine, but only what you hunt. I'll make enough money; I don't need the money the Capital sends to you." Gale says, I try not to be insulted by that remark, I know his hatred for the Capital is something that has been brewing for a while and that he won't filter it just because of me. We decide that most of the reporters must be at the bakery, it looks like no one is around. I've missed the familiarity for my woods enough that I'm willing to risk it when Gale suggests we go in, he convinces me by saying that no one knows where the entrances are, or that we even go beyond the fence to look for us here. To be sure we go in though Gale's entrance that is closer to the Seam than the one that I am accustomed to using. We walk for a while and I appreciate everything that I hold dear in the woods, my favourite tree, my favourite spot to collect berries, I get my father's bow and arrow from the familiar hollow log. We walk along together for a while, just hunting in silence, when I see a rabbit I load my bow, but when I let the arrow loose it doesn't pierce the rabbit, it's Marvel, the boy from District Two that I killed. I see it all over again, I see my arrow hit its mark in his throat, I see the blood, all the blood that I made spill from his body floods my eyes. I panic, I let out one blood curdling scream and I'm running as fast as I can, I don't even know in which direction I'm running. I may be losing my mind because until I recognize Gale's voice calling out my name I swear I'm taken back to that time in the Games when I'm looking for Rue. I'm still running frantically, I can feel cuts on my face from where I've run straight through brush and trees and they've made their marks on my face. The pain, Gale's voice, it all helps to bring me back and suddenly I recognize my familiar trail that will lead me out of this forest, the forest that used to be my own but at the same time is suddenly an all too familiar reminder of the Games.

I can hear Gale on my heels, but I also see the fence, I run for it and am on the other side, to the safety within the District faster than I've even been before. I'm still running even though I'm safe when Gale catches up to me. I'm not crying, but it may seem like it to him but I'm just really out of breath from all the running I've been doing and I'm still a little frantic because of the flashbacks. Gale catches my arm and somehow I'm in his arms, he's hugging me to his chest hushing me and stroking my hair, similar to the way Peeta would. I allow myself to be comforted for a moment, I close my eyes and concentrate on slowing my heart rate, I chant to myself over and over that it's over, it wasn't real, I'm not in the Games anymore. I don't even see the camera flash as it takes our picture.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N - Kind of just a filler chapter, I'm hoping that by the end of the next chapter I'll catch this story up to the CF storyline.

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Suddenly we are being swarmed by the reporters. In my haste to get out of the woods I came out at my usual spot, which admittedly is very close to the Victors Village, and therefore very stupid of me. I know that anyone from the Capital who stayed behind after the train left yesterday are using the vacant victors houses as their headquarters until they decide to leave. I know I've just given them gossip gold, and reason to stay longer. Questions are being fired at us faster than I can even comprehend them. Gale pushes a few reporters and to try to clear a path for us to get away.

Suddenly my hand is being yanked and a gruff voice instructs Gale to follow us. I realize it's Haymitch who has come to our rescue, he pulls me quickly and Gale is protecting me from behind, keeping up to our quick pace. We make it to Haymitch's house and he slams the door behind us, reporters still screaming their questions at the closed door as if they still expect me to answer somehow.

Haymitch leads us to the kitchen where he takes a swig from a bottle of liquor. "You just had to give them reason to stay longer, didn't you sweetheart?" He says to me sarcastically.

"I didn't do it on purpose." I defend myself.

"I've never seen you show one iota of affection for this kid in all the years I've seen you two together." He accuses. "Not coming out of those woods, not walking around the Hob, now the very day after I tell you they are trying to set you up and to act normal, you're out there canoodling up to him for the whole nation to see!"

"I wasn't thinking! And we weren't canoodling!" I shout at him.

"So, you were told how to act around me?" Gale asks.

"Of course! Wait, no...well...we were told..." I'm struggling to explain to Gale what exactly Peeta and I were told about the situation we were coming into when we got back to the District, but I'm caught off guard by the hurt and disbelieving look on Gale's face.

Not only that but Haymitch interrupted me by shouting, "You'd better hope that Peeta understands what you were doing, because I sure as hell don't. They're going to spin what they just saw out there into whatever they want, you cheating on Peeta, you two having secret meetings behind his back, they could turn this so many different ways and every single one is going to kill him!"

"Peeta knows!" I shout at Haymitch. "He knows I could never be with anyone else. He knows I wouldn't hurt him like that. They can spin it whatever way they want, he'll see right through it." I say with confidence, my voice calming toward the end of my declaration. "He knows I could never love anyone else."

The door slams shut behind me, I turn around to see that Gale has left the house. Haymitch and I go to the window to see him storming through all the reporters walking hostilely through the swarms of cameras toward the Seam. "Peeta may know, but did he?" Haymitch asks, pointing to Gale. I want to argue that of course he did, but it suddenly becomes obvious that something changed for Gale between me and him and that I didn't even see it happen.

When it becomes obvious that nearly every camera in the District is following Gale I sneak out the back of Haymitch's house and through the backyards of the other Victor's houses and manage to dodge the remaining reporters until I'm far enough ahead of them that they need to run to try to catch up to me. I make it to the bakery, I've been out for a couple of hours now and it's mid-afternoon. I run in through the front door, passed Rye at the front counter and head straight to the back of the bakery where I find Peeta sitting alone at the decorating table. He's icing some cookies but he looks up at me when he hears me come charging through the door.

"Hey." He greets me casually. "Where've you been?" He asks as he turns back to his work. I'm trying to catch my breath, and debating on how much of my day I should tell him. I realize that ordinarily I wouldn't have ever thought twice about sharing my whole day, everything that happened in detail, but somehow Haymitch's stupid words about him being hurt are echoing in my head. Since I'm not exactly sure what happened with Gale and if I'm reading the situation correctly I realize there could have been more to that hug than I thought. Gale isn't really the comforting type, and I've never felt the need to seek him out for that kind of support at all before, not that I did this time, it just sort of happened.

"Katniss? Is everything ok?" Peeta asks turning back to look at me when it takes me too long to respond, his expression slightly worried.

"Yes." I answer, but even I can hear the change in my voice.

"Did you still want to move to one of the new houses today?" He asks.

"Yes." I reply. I pull up a seat and sit beside Peeta, I watch him concentrate on decorating the little cookies. This is so normal for us, I usually watch while he finishes up some kind of decorating or baking, he's gotten very remarkable at it over the years. I love watching his face so full of concentration, his eyelashes are so long, but it's hard to notice because of how blond they are. I lean over and put my head on his shoulder, he looks at me, hardly turning his head to me, "did you have a good day?" He asks again.

I sigh, "Not really." I admit finally.

"What happened?" He asks, still concentrating on finishing his work.

I explain to him about walking with Gale in the woods, hunting, the flashback. "So when I came out of the woods Gale caught up to me within the District, and he hugged me." I say, I watch for any sign from Peeta, and I see it. His hand jerks in surprise ruining the design on the cookie, as if out if everything that I've explained has happened, this is the part he's been dreading. I'm starting to think that Haymitch is far more observant than I give him credit for. "It was nothing really, he was just trying to help calm me down, and so that's what I was doing, I let him help me calm down. But a reporter saw and got some pictures and before I knew it we were being swarmed and Haymitch saved us and took us to his place."

I'm getting a bit worried now; I have Peeta's full attention. He's put down his work and is looking at me with a concerned expression.

"So you were with Gale?" He asks.

"And Haymitch, but well, not for long. Haymitch yelled at us and said that the Capital was going to spin a story out of what they saw and that the reporters might be here longer because of it and it upset Gale and he stormed off." I'm rambling now, talking a mile a minute. "So then I came back here while the reporters were chasing Gale." I watch Peeta carefully, he's thinking very hard.

I see the flicker of emotions cross his face until he looks at me, "So basically we have to go out there and do damage control is what you are saying? Give the people something that will make them forget about that hug?" He asks. "Is that what you want Katniss?" I'm a little surprised at the way he's speaking to me, it has an accusatory tone and reinforces that Haymitch is more right than I care to admit. Peeta is obviously jealous, something I've never seen from him before.

"No, what I want is to make sure that you understand that no matter what the Capital says I love you." I say gently. I put my hand on his cheek the way he does to me when he is trying to be especially understanding. "It meant nothing, he's my friend and I needed his comfort for a minute, but that minute is going to be blown up and taken out of context over the next few hours."

"What does Gale think of everything?" Peeta asks.

"Well, he's pretty upset. He stormed out of the house when Haymitch and I were arguing, but…well, you know Gale." I say.

"No, I don't really." He says to me. I don't know what to say anymore, Peeta just shakes his head. "Ok, so, that's what happened to you today. You know what I did?" He asks me in a kind of serious tone. I hold my breath, afraid of what he is going to say, "I spent my whole day in this bakery just waiting for you to come back to me so that we can head out and pick one of those houses." He's smiling by the end of his sentence and I let out a sigh of relief. "Let's go already, I can't wait anymore."

He takes my hand and leads me to the upstairs apartment where we tell Mr. and Mrs. Mellark where we are going and not to expect us back today. Mrs. Mellark can't help the disapproving look that she gives us, we know she isn't falling for our story that we aren't moving in together. We gather a few of our things, leaving the majority of it behind just in case we decide to stay the night here again in the future and head out the back door of the bakery, I allow myself to get excited, I hold Peeta's hand on our walk over. As we approach the Victor's Village the group of reporters sees us and comes running over, but they don't swarm us the way they did to me and Gale earlier, maybe it's because Peeta knows how to handle this crowd. When the reporters approach us he holds his hand out and smiles warmly at the camera. "One question at a time please." He says to the small crowd. There are a few flashes from the camera that we stand and pose for the way we learned to do while we were in the Capital, Peeta's hand is on the small of my back gently pushing us forward. We may be posing for the cameras, but we are still actively trying to get into the nearest house with as little communication with the reporters as possible.

"What do you think of Katniss stabbing you in the back with that secret rendezvous with Gale this morning, Peeta?" One of the reporters shouts. I want to die, I know Haymitch tried to warn me about the things they would say, but hearing it out loud is something I wasn't really prepared for, and so directly. I look at Peeta, his face falters for a fraction of a second before putting on his mask of confidence.

"Is that what you think that was? There was no secret rendezvous, Gale came and got Katniss at the bakery. Really, it was just an innocent walk between friends." Peeta reassures. I don't know if he realizes, but it sounds a lot like he is also trying to convince himself, darn that Haymitch for being right.

"What about the hug, the kiss?" Another reporter shouts.

"There was no kiss!" I can't help but say angrily with a scowl on my face, Peeta grabs me by the arm and guides me quickly toward the house before I can make a bigger fool of myself. This is going badly; it's fairly obvious this is damage control. We walk up the steps to the house that was closest to us, they're all made with the same layout so it really doesn't matter which one we choose.

Just before we walk in Peeta turns back to the reporters, "As you all know, the life of a victor is a difficult one, and one that is hard to understand. I'm thankful that Katniss has such a great friend in her life who will be an ally to us both as we try to transition into this next stage of life for ourselves. He is someone other than me who Katniss can turn to for comfort." His speech is delivered excellently. "Don't try to make us feel guilty about turning to our friends at a time like this. We'll be happy to see them, we'll hug them, these people thought that we were going to die, please don't mix relief with anything more. I trust Katniss, and I think our time in the Games have more than proven our love for each other. Good day everyone." He dismisses the crowd and pushes me into the house and closes the door behind us. Unlike before at Haymitch's house, the reporters are silent outside. I leap into Peeta's arms and kiss him, he returns it eagerly, I'm so utterly grateful that he knows how to handle these situations.

We roam about our new house, it has already been furnished, the cupboards and refrigerator is full, we find the closet upstairs full of clothing from the Capital that is obviously for me, but surprisingly there are a few outfits for Peeta as well. "Do you think Effie did this?" He asks me when he sees the clothing meant for him. I laugh, remembering how she was bragging about doing all the necessary preparations for the houses, ensuring that they would be move in ready.

"She probably figured that if she couldn't keep us apart on the train right under her nose then there was no way we were going to stay away from each other once she was gone from the District." I say, Peeta laughs along with me at the thought of poor Effie admitting defeat to two teenagers who couldn't keep their hands off of each other. It's still hard to believe that this is still District Twelve. Just outside the door, a few yards away, people are living in shacks, her we live in a mansion, they don't have the luxury of hot running water, but here we have a full shower, and a small bathroom on the main floor. For a moment we are both silent, it's like we're thinking the same thing, we look at each other and I know that we are.

"I'll make bread every morning for those who can't afford it, especially in the winter." He says.

"And we'll spend tons of money here, anything we can do to keep our money within the district we'll do it. Nothing from the Capital unless we really can't get it here." I say.

He nods his head, surviving the Games has put us in a very fortunate position. We spend the afternoon just setting the house up a bit more to our liking. We didn't bring much with us, but I did bring my family pictures that Peeta rescued from my old house after that night the Mellarks brought me to the bakery. I set it up above the fire place and take a look at my father, mother, Prim and I looking so happy. I find a place for my plant book next to their picture. I can hear Peeta cooking in the kitchen, moving pots and pans around, putting food together for our first dinner in this house. We have a nice evening, after dinner we do what we can to make this place feel like a home. I head upstairs to the bedroom to look through all of the beautiful outfits that Cinna sent for me, as I'm looking through them I begin to wonder if there is anything that I can actually wear here in the District, there are so many fancy clothes, I nearly die with embarrassment when I look in the underwear drawers and find fancy night gowns, some of which are even see through. I can't imagine Cinna sent these, or Effie, maybe the prep team.

I hear the television on downstairs; Peeta has been on the first floor this whole time setting up his art room. I told Effie that Peeta is an artist and there was a whole room set up with canvases and paints and anything that any artist could ever want. I look out my bedroom window and can see most of the district from here, shrouded in nearly complete darkness, the Seam is without electricity, like usual. I begin to think that electricity is something that we will never be without in the Victors Village. I make my way downstairs with my quiet hunter's tread. I find Peeta standing in the living room where the only television is, from here I can see the television set as well, I see the story they've spun. It's not as bad as it probably would have been if Peeta hadn't said his speech about us needing comfort from our friends.

I do see the photos that they captured of me in Gale's arms, most that they show are from before I noticed they were there, when I was still coming out of my flashback and allowed myself to be comforted. I have to admit, it looks like a very intimate embrace. I'm tucked into Gale, I wasn't crying, so there are no tears, and I'm trying to calm myself, so my eyes are closed and it just looks like I'm enjoying the embrace. Gale's strong arms are around me, protecting me, his cheek resting on the top of my head, I've never let anyone hug me like that other than Peeta.

"Are you angry?" I ask making Peeta jump since he didn't know I was standing here. He turns the television off as if he was caught watching something he shouldn't have been. He runs his hands through his hair. "I know how it looks, you can be angry at me if you want to be."

"Do I have a reason to be angry?" He asks me.

"Well, I know how these things can get out of hand; I know how you see one thing and can jump to conclusions, I had to deal with Delly Cartwright, don't forget." I point out.

Peeta scoffs. "Delly was never competition for you Katniss."

"Well, maybe not. But I still sat in the lunch room, day after day, watching her fawn over you and say how cute you are. I even had to watch as she gave you kisses!" I exclaim.

"That was one time, on the cheek even, as she was comparing me to being like a brother to her. I told her never to do that again, and she always, from day one, knew how I felt about you." He turns and looks at me. "She knew before you did, from that very first day in kindergarten when I was a goner for you when I heard you sing the Valley Song." My breath is caught in my chest. "That day she came to the bakery and asked us." He emphasizes "us" by pointing at both of us. "To go to her little brother's birthday party was because she wanted to get to know you better. I suggested she come by and ask us both, but she was nervous because you intimidated her. She thought you were great, she wanted to be your friend, and then you ran off into the woods that day. I didn't even go to the party without you; I waited all day by the fence for you to come back. And when you did you told me all about meeting Gale." I sit in the couch, remembering that time so long ago. "Things between me and you were always so solid; I fully believe that we both knew we were meant to be together. I thought surely you'd found a friend in Gale like I had with Delly. I thought that you'd understand that a boy and a girl can just be friends, and I believe that's all it was between you and Gale." He's not angry, and he's explaining everything to me gently, as if he's afraid that I'll run away now, when I couldn't even if I wanted to. My legs feel weak, and I sit on the nearest chair. "The only difference is that I don't think that's the way Gale sees things. I know you; you wouldn't have talked about us, not to Gale the way I talk about you to Delly. Which is why I think he's gotten it into his head that he has a chance, he's in love with you, you know that don't you?" He asks.

I just look at him, "well of course he does, and I love him too." I see the pain and panic flash through his eyes. "As a friend, a best friend. Like I love Madge, I would do anything for him and his family. They've always treated me like one of their own." I explain quickly. I get up and go to Peeta. I hold his face in my hands and kiss him gently. "You're the love of my life Peeta. There's nothing he or anyone can do to change that." I push the hair from his eyes. "I'll do everything I can to make that clear to him." I say between kisses. I feel Peeta hands wrap around my waist and make their way up my back underneath my shirt. It sends shivers through my body.

"We've waited so long to be together, and now we are and it's great. I just don't want anything to change us, who we are for each other. We've been through so much; I don't want to lose you now." He whispers into my ear.

"You won't. I love you too much to just give up on everything we have together. We're just starting; we almost died, we're so lucky to have each other." I reassure him.

"Together." He says.

"Always." I finish.

I love this part about being with him, how we can seem to pull through anything. We create that hunger for each other; I let him take me, all of me that night in every way that he wants. Over the next several days I don't think we are ever fully dressed at any one time. We only go to the first floor of the house to make love in a new room, because we've decided to do it in every single room of this house, and also to eat. It's a blissful couple of days that we spend by ourselves. We don't turn on the television after that night; we aren't concerned with what the nation thinks of us never leaving our new home, to be honest any conclusions they come up with from it are probably all too true.

We check every day to see if the reporters have left, and we see that after nearly a week and no sight of us since we've come into this house the number of reporters has greatly fallen. We aren't immune to the nightmares that the Hunger Games have caused us to have, they still happen often, but Peeta rescues me from mine, it's harder for me to save him. Whereas when I have a nightmare I thrash around, moan, talk and sometimes even scream out loud, Peeta gets tense, very tense, all his muscles contract and he doesn't move at all. I woke one night because he likes to fall asleep with the window open and I was cold, I got up to close it, when I looked at him I noticed his arms tucked into his body and his hands were clenched, I pushed some of his hair from his face and he was in a cold sweat. I called his name and shook him awake, since then we've both taken to staying awake as long as we can and sleeping only when we are exhausted.

When we've been cooped up in this house for a whole week the honeymoon stage seems to be coming to an end and we find ourselves becoming restless and longing to go outside. We leave our house and have our day planned to go to the Hob and various merchants in the village to buy things that we need, but the remaining reporters followed us all the way from the Victors Village, and Peeta and I decide not to risk a trip to the Hob since its very existence is illegal. I'm pretty sure most of the vendors have closed up shop until the Capital removes its presence in the District. We visit Peeta's family for an hour or two, but again, that results in a dramatic increase in business so it's hard to have a conversation when we create so much more work for them. In the end we sneak away back to our house.

"This is so frustrating! I wish we could at least go into the woods or something, the weather has been so hot lately, we could go to the lake like we used to. I would really love to go swimming." I say in frustration.

"Then let's go." Peeta says excitedly. "It's been warm enough, do you think that they would see us if we snuck out after dark?"

I think about it for a moment, I'm so desperate that I agree. So that night at about midnight we exit through the back door of our house and stay as close to the fence line as we can. My usual entrance to the forest is so close now, we don't bring anything with us, as soon as we cross the fence we make a dash for the forest. When we are certain that we can't be seen I climb the nearest tree to look out over the fence to be sure that reporters haven't seen or followed us. When I'm sure it's safe Peeta and I head out in the direction of the lake. We're there in an hour or so, the moon doesn't provide much light, but for the first time in a while we lose ourselves in the freedom that we have together. We are back in our own world, before the Games, when we could just be us. We swim, we play, and it's everything that we thought we'd never have again, with the added bonus that we also get to make love in the water under the glistening stars. We spend as much time as we can together at the lake, but when we know that dawn is only a few hours away we decide to head back. I want to check where I had my flashback for my bow and quiver of arrows. I know that I dropped them when I went dashing out of the forest the last time I was with Gale.

Sure enough, I find them in the general area that I thought I was. I look at them sadly, Peeta walks around me inspects them for damage, then he hands them to me. I'm hesitatant to take them, "Why don't you shoot one, just for practice." Peeta suggests. I look at the weapons and tentatively take them from him. "See that tree?" He asks pointing to a tree that has a rather large knot in the trunk. "Shoot at it, don't pick a live target yet." I get in my shooting stance, take a deep breath, and I can already feel my legs getting shaky. I suddenly feel Peeta's broad chest against my back, he puts his face close to mine, wraps arms around me and puts his hands over mine on the bow and the arrow. "Just breathe Katniss, the Games are over, don't let them rule our lives, we won." He whispers into my ear. We release the arrow together, it sticks into the tree. "See? It'll get easier." He smiles at me.

We spend our last remaining time in the moon light just shooting arrows at trees, I feel calm and confident enough to not need Peeta to cover my body with his, but I don' t tell him that. We start to walk back toward our house, but we are so close to the fence line that we can see into the District, we see the miners walking from the Seam to work. "Gale started at the mines a few days ago." I say sadly. "I promised him that I would still hunt for his family. It's so sad; he really does come alive here in the forest, to think of him underground for hours every day. It's not fair that I have all this money and my friend won't let me help him so that he can stay out of there."

"How are you going to hunt for his family if you have a panic attack when you shoot at live game?" Peeta asks.

"I don't know, I didn't know that the panic attacks would happen when I went hunting when I made him the promise." I admit.

Peeta takes my bow and arrow from me; he walks a few yards into the forest. Admittedly, his tread out here is much louder than it used to be now that he has to walk with the prosthetic leg, but he still comes back with a rabbit after a few minutes. Its morning now, dawn is on the horizon, the animals are waking and being careless, just as we are being by still being out here. Peeta brings me the rabbit. "Take it to them, go through the exit that Gale uses near the Seam, I'll head back to our house and go to the bakery. If any reporters are watching for us, they'll catch me leaving and follow me." He kisses my nose and walks in the direction of the Victor's Village. I head off in the direction of the Seam.

I run as fast as I can, I want to get out of this forest before daybreaks and the world is flooded with sunlight. I'm to the Seam in no time, and I make a beeline for Gale's house. Some of the miners are only just leaving their homes, and I'm about to walk up the steps to the Hawthorne's house when the door is gently opened and Gale emerges from the house. We both stop, looking at each other in mild surprise. I was expecting him to be gone by now. I hold the rabbit out to him; he quickly and silently takes it into the house and emerges again a moment later.

He walks passed me, but I quickly hurry to catch up until I fall into step with him. He looks at me; I look at him, not really knowing what to say. So we do what we always did in the forest, we walk silently, side by side, until we get to the fork in the path, one of which will lead to the mines, the other to the Victor's Village. We pause for a moment, "Sunday, we'll me at the usual place?" I say it in the form of a question, I'm not one hundred percent certain if he will agree, I'm not even one hundred percent certain he is angry with me or why. He gives a slight nod to let me know he will be there, and continues his walk to the mines.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N - I was pretty excited for this chapter, I hope it doesn't disappoint.

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**Katniss POV**

It seems to be a theme that the things that will forever change my life, whether for the good or bad, happen when I'm least expecting it. I don't ever see them coming, and I find this is the case yet again as I find myself locked in a passionate kiss with my best friend Gale Hawthorne. I was completely unprepared for the warmth that his lips bring to my own, how his hands seem to entrap me, how strong his chest feels under my fingers even though they are curled as they are resting on his chest. When he lets me go he says, "I had to do that. At least once." And he is gone; leaving me here with all these conflicting emotions, the most prominent of which is confusion, before it is consumed entirely by the soul crushing guilt at the realization that it was not unpleasant, and that Gale is a good kisser. I walk aimlessly through the woods, trying to sort out my thoughts, and the only solace that I can come up with is that at least the kiss was in the woods, there were no reporters or cameras around to capture this one moment in my life that would destroy the one person in this world who I know I love in the most complete way possible. This is the one moment in my life that is mine alone to decide whether or not to share with him, to crush him with the truth, or to spare him from the pain. I did promise to never hurt him.

**Gale POV**

I rush out of the woods, away from what I know I just did to Katniss. It's Sunday, the District is busy even though it's still early in the morning. I walk through the Seam, but I want to have time to comprehend what I just did, so instead of going home and getting Vick to take him into the Hob with me I head in that direction alone. I stuff my hands in my pockets, I walk passed a few of my new friends from work, nod a casual greeting in their direction if they notice me. Some of them are enjoying the day with their families; some have small kids who they are playing with on their one day off this week. I try not to imagine what kind of life I could have with Katniss if only she would wake up from Mellark's spell and see me standing right there in front of her.

This was the first morning we had alone together since the one that ended so badly, the one where Haymitch helped us to escape from the reporters and I had to stand there and listen to their argument, had to listen to her declare her absolute love for Peeta as if I weren't even there, like I didn't even rate high enough in her priorities to at least pretend to care about my feelings. "Could never love someone else." That's what she said, but when I looked at her face after that kiss, I think I may have given her something to think about. I risked everything and all things considered I think I came out on top, she didn't immediately push me away like I thought she would, but I was so prepared for a fight from Katniss that I didn't think about what to do after. The impulse to kiss her came on so quickly and forcefully that I didn't have time to think about how she would react, but stunned silence is something I definitely was not expecting. I don't know how to handle a stunned Katniss so I left her there with her own thoughts. If there is one thing I have learned about Katniss Everdeen over the past few years, it's that she really only understands grand gestures, she doesn't really pay attention to subtle hints, and that she's kind of like a wild animal. If you don' t know what to do, just give her space, act like you aren't interested, and she'll come looking for your attention when she's ready.

I've waited weeks for my chance, the day she first dropped off the rabbit for my family I was surprised she even managed to shoot an arrow after the way she reacted the time I saw her hunting before, when all of a sudden she was in the Games again in her mind and she ran terrified from the forest. I waited at our meeting spot in the woods all Sunday morning but she didn't show up, then I finally made up my mind to find her myself. I went to the Victors Village to find there were even more cameras there than before. I stood in the middle of the path, confused as to what brought them back. I tried not to pay attention, but when the Capital wants to force news down your throat it will. I knew that Katniss and Peeta had holed themselves up in their new house, and that they were living there together and hadn't been out in public except for the one day that I saw her and that was a whole week after the incident.

As I was trying to figure out what drew them back Haymitch of all people came stumbling up from behind me, "Looking for your girl? It's going to be a while before that happens, don't you know today is the first Parcel Day? It's going to be a big deal; the Capital has to get shots of our newest victors delivering parcels to the neediest children of the District." He hiccups, he reeks of alcohol and he kind of leans over and vomits on the ground. "Well, maybe not the neediest, can't make the Capital look too bad now can they. Their stylists, Effie, prep teams, everyone arrived on the early morning train, nothing they could do about it. Nothing any of us can do about it." Haymitch mumbles the last part mostly to himself as he continues staggering his way to his own house.

I high tailed it home that day only to find my mother getting my brothers and sister ready for the cameras, apparently we were one of the families chosen to be filmed for Parcel Day. There were people from the Capital all over my house that day, preparing the place to look more camera friendly, replacing furniture, fixing the house up to look as presentable as it could in the small amount of time that they had. I wanted to make myself scarce that day, but my mother took me aside and reminded me that I'm also a piece in their Games now. I tried to look at the positives, that my brothers and sister were given new shoes and clothes that they badly needed that actually fit, apparently my family was assigned its own form of stylists, new ones, not nearly as famous as Katniss' or Peeta's, but all the same they brought way more clothing then they needed since they didn't know our sizes or what colours to dress us in and they just left it all behind for us to keep. So my mother, who has never had a new item of clothing in her life found herself and her children with all new clothing. The amount of which is how much she brings in on a weekly basis from all of the merchant families who pay her to do their laundry all put together. I looked at all that stuff, fresh from the Capital, I wanted to burn it all, throw the stylists out of my house and lock the door until the day was over, tell them to find another family to use as a pawn in their Games, but one look at my siblings and their excitement at all the new things, I couldn't do it. Later I did my best in front of the cameras, the best I can do however, is to tolerate their existence and the fact that there is nothing I can do about them wanting to feature me as being a part of Katniss' life.

When I did finally see her that Parcel Day she talked to the camera, introduced my family to the nation, and for one brief second, I saw the apology in her eyes, for having to put me through this just for the association with her, for missing our Sunday hunt.

The next week was the first official holiday that we get for having the victor come from our district. Everyone got a whole week off of work, there was a weeklong festival with free food and entertainment all paid for by the Capital. I thought maybe since I had the whole week off of work Katniss and I could find time to sneak off into the woods together, I really wanted to talk to her alone, I missed her. Of course during that week the District is swarming with reporters and Katniss and Peeta are the stars of the show so there was never a camera that let them out of its sight. The last night of the festival lands on a Saturday. There was a dance, Katniss was dressed in a beautiful green dress, she danced the night away and I couldn't help but watch her the whole time. I got to have one dance with her, "I'm sorry we haven't had time to talk. I've been trying but honestly, these cameras will have to go back to the Capital one day." She apologizes to me. "They'll get tired of all the coal dust getting on their clothing."

I laugh at her joke until she tells me that it was something that Peeta had said to her once. I looked over at Peeta on the sidelines, laughing, talking and having a good time with his brothers, trying to pretend that he's not looking over at me and Katniss every ten seconds. I try to forget about him, enjoy this once dance that I will get with Katniss, I hold her close, press her closer to me still with my hand on the small of her back. She doesn't resist, she even looks like she is having a good time, and when the dance is over I watch as she floats back to Peeta, into his arms, he welcomes her with a kiss and it makes my blood boil and I leave immediately after that. The whole walk home I throw away the Capital clothing that they have me dressed up in, a black suit with a tie that is suffocating me. This isn't me, this isn't her anymore either, I look back to the town square where everything is lit up and decorated and looks as much like the Capital as anything I'd ever seen on television. I wonder how many opportunities she gets to be Katniss Everdeen, and not part of the Star Crossed Lovers anymore.

I become angry when I think of the claim Peeta Mellark has on Katniss because he volunteered to go in to the Hunger Games with her. She knows I have my sister and brothers, she understood why that just wasn't an option for me, and why I resent becoming a piece of these Games. Now she is going to be forever stuck to Peeta, playing make believe for the nation to see, she'll never have anything for herself again. All this because she had to fight to keep them both alive, because she made a mistake, probably because she thought she was going to die anyway, that resulted in the entire nation watching her break down as she lost that baby. I hate him for doing that to her, for putting her in that way and not being there for her when it all fell apart.

This morning was the first opportunity to hunt alone together in months. I came into the woods this morning hoping she would be here. The celebrations and festivals have been over for weeks now; it's been at least a couple of weeks since the Star Crossed Lovers were featured on the Capital television. This morning was the first with frost on the ground. The nights are cooling, but by late morning it's still fairly warm. Katniss was there and it made my heart skip a beat to see her, she stood and smiled at me and I was so happy she was back I couldn't help but to quickly close the gap between us and hug her. "I missed you so much Katniss." I told her softly next to her ear.

She pulled out of my embrace, took a fee steps back and smiles. "I missed you too Gale." And after that we took to hunting the way we always did before she left for the Games. It was like things between us were unchanged. I try to think of exactly when my feelings did change for her. I knew she lived with the Mellarks, but she never really talked too much about them specifically while we were in the woods. The first year or so we were barely partners let alone friends, and much of our time was spent learning from each other. I only remember realizing that one day when Darius was teasing her about giving him a kiss on New Year's it bothered me, the he showed up, Peeta Mellark.

It was the first time I had ever seen them together, I had noticed Katniss around school but she was always sitting alone with her friend Madge and Peeta would be at his own table with his own friends. I just assumed that he didn't want to be seen with the charity case that his parents brought into their house. But when he approached Sae's stall that day, Katniss lit up. They had an easy way about them, she even finished his bowl of soup, there's not much more of a girlfriend move around the Seam then finishing your boyfriend's food. Around the Seam, since most of the time you don't know where or when your next meal may be coming from sharing food is something you save for the person you love, family, friends, or letting the girl or guy you are in love with know you are in love with them. After that I would subtly ask how things are doing at home. She would tell stories about the other two, Rye or Graham, but when she talked about them it was different then the way she would talk about Peeta. Rye or Graham were always funny stories about how she had annoyed them, or how they teased her. Her stories always reminded me of my own time at home with my younger siblings; her stories were always ones where I could picture doing that to my own brothers or sister, or having them do those things to me. After a while I realized that she didn't talk to me about Peeta all that much, that when she talked about the Mellark boys being like brothers to her that statement didn't include Peeta.

More than a year ago we ran into the construction workers daughter, Katniss stopped to talk to her even though I couldn't think of how Katniss could know her; she was a year higher than I was in school. When we left I asked her how she knew Tule Holmeswood.

"My brother has the world's biggest crush on her." She answered me.

"Peeta?" I asked surprised.

"Peeta? He's not my brother, I'm talking about Graham. Mrs. Mellark has been encouraging him to invite her dinner at our home, and I think he's going to do it. They've been interested in each other for a while." Katniss told me with a smile. At the time I thought it was odd, how she would correct me that Peeta isn't her brother, but yet, in the same sentence carry on with the insinuation that Graham Mellark is. It didn't make sense to me until I saw them together that day in the Hob when I began to realize that at some point Katniss had gone from a skinny little kid, to a beautiful woman who I could picture spending the rest of my life with.

I think about the kiss I gave her this morning, the shock on her face. I don't know how this will all turn out, but I know I could have a chance with her if she just looks past Peeta. She made it obvious she's in love with him, but she's been in love with him for so long that she hasn't given herself a chance to see someone like me, waiting to devote just as much of themselves to her as she's already given herself to Peeta.

And maybe she's already given too much if herself to him now, maybe I've ruined everything that she and I have together. But she was just so beautiful, she was chilled from the air, we were about to finish hunting, she was giving me her haul from the morning. She looked up at me, her smile made my heart beat faster, her eyes were so full of life in that way they seem to only get when we are beyond the fence. She reminded me so much of the girl she was before the Games. Her cheeks were flushed pink from the cold, I just couldn't help but to put my hands on her face, and once they were there the kiss was natural. Her lips were cold against mine, her hair soft against my fingers.

I finally make it to the Hob, I spend an hour or so trading my rabbits, squirrels and herbs for things that we need. When I'm finished I put down a coin at Greasy Sae's stall for a bowl of soup. She points behind my shoulder with her eyes as she puts the bowl down in front of me.

"Good morning Gale." Peeta says as he sits down beside me.

"Mellark." I say with my usual slight nod of recognition. He puts down a box from the bakery.

"I've got these cookies that were left over this week. I thought maybe your little brothers and sister would like to have them." I glance at the box and all it represents. Accepting charity from a merchant family so they can feel good about helping out the poor and tell all their friends what good people they are. I push the box back to Peeta and I hear him sigh a little in frustration. "Where's Katniss?" He asks defeatedly.

"The last I saw of her she was still in the woods, thinking" I say with a shrug of shoulders.

"You left her there alone?" He asks surprised.

"Yeah, she can handle it. She was hunting like normal today." I tell him.

Peeta give a genuine smile, "Really? I told her she could do it." I look at him questioningly, "We've been practicing for months now, but I wish she were here. You only accept these boxes from me if she is around." I roll my eyes. "I guess I could just take them right to your house, I'm sure your mother or any one of the kids would gladly accept this." I give him a scowl that warns him not to do it. He unfortunately is desensitized to the Seam scowl, it doesn't make him cower like the other merchant people do, probably because he's too used to seeing Katniss do it, all my scowl does is make him laugh. "Do you know why I give these to you Gale?" He asks. I just take another bite of my soup and look straight ahead, not giving him the satisfaction of a response from me. "I give them to you because know that when I give you too many cookies you've raised your siblings to have the compassion for others and to pass them out amongst the other kids. So I could spend my whole morning dividing these cookies up and leaving them on doorsteps, possibly for the animals if they get to them first. Or I could give them to the Hawthorne kids and they'll take the whole box out to share for the whole neighbourhood." He gets up from his seat and leaves a coin on the counter for Greasy Sae, even though he didn't eat anything. "So I'm going to leave this box here, and you can take it or leave it." And then he walks away.

I look at the box, I get up to leave my empty bowl behind, and take a few steps away. It's still summer, things aren't as bad as they are in the winter; kids aren't exactly starving in the Seam at the moment.

I try to convince myself this, but I still just can't leave behind all that food knowing that he is right, there are far too many for my brothers and sister, and they will take it outside to share with all their friends. I go back to the box and open the lid, sure enough, just like every time before the box is stuffed with fresh cookies, not stale ones like he always says they are. I sigh in frustration as I scoop the box up in my hands and leave the Hob. When I get out the main doors I see that Peeta has waited for me, there is nothing left for me to do but to walk up beside him. It's obvious that he waited here to talk to me, I'm still quite a bit taller than him, about two or three inches and I'm sure it's noticeable as we stand side by side.

"I really respect you, everything you do for your family, and it's a lot to be the head of your house like you are." I don't really know what to say, so I just stand there without responding. "I know it's not easy for you to see us together, but I've loved her for my whole life, I'm pretty sure she's loved me for at least most of hers."

"What if I'm in love with her too?" I ask, not really wanting to have this conversation with him.

He scoffs at my response, "You probably are what's not to love? Sarcasm and rebelliousness and stubbornness. She's the whole package for guys who only want love when it's torture like us."

He sums it up so plainly, I can't help but give a little half smile as I nod in agreement. "I'm not going to give her up, but we're young, and I know that with everything that she and I have been through that maybe it would be better for her to be with someone who doesn't remind her of everything bad in her life. That's what brought us together, tragedy. You and her had the opportunity to come together organically, after everything happened, somehow she needs you too."

I don't know why we are having this conversation right now, but after this morning I need to be sure that this is not going to end with a fist in my face. "Have you spoken to Katniss this morning?" I ask.

"No, I haven't seen her since before she left this morning." He's looking out towards the woods as if remembering something that brings a smile to his face.

"So if she wanted to be with me, you would just step aside." I ask.

He thinks about his next words carefully, "Yes, if that's what she really wanted I would let her go. It would crush me, but, that's what I was willing to die for in the Games. I told her that I wanted her to have the life she wanted, but it seems like that isn't going to be what happens for any of us."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"No matter what, from here on out no matter if she stays with me or picks you we are always going to be a piece in their Games. She and I will be expected to mentor a tribute each and every year; we are going to be expected to put on a show during the Victor's tour and any other Capital function that might come up. Things are going to change, every year we will lose at least one tribute, but more than likely both. It will destroy us. I give you these cookies because at least then I know for sure that the kids in the Seam will have some happy memories from their childhood, it was even special for me to get a fresh cookie, that is rare in my house even if I am a baker's kid." I look out toward the woods, thinking about Peeta's words. "I know you love her, probably as much as I do, but you need to remember the Katniss that you get is not the one in your mind. You'll live in the Victor's Village, in the mansion, your kids will be put on display for the Capital once they are born, she will be with me for weeks at a time every year at least, more if we have a Victor. She's not going to be a woman who lives in the Seam, waiting for you to come home from the coal mines, raising your kids to hunt in the woods to survive, you won't have that freedom. She'll never have that freedom, the only one that choice that she gets to make for herself is who she comes home to when the Capital gives her that short break to be herself until they make her come out to play for them again." He sighs and puts his hands in his pockets. He's talking to me as an equal, there is no anger in his voice, he's not being irrational, it only feels like he's giving me advice not really a warning like you would think would come from someone's boyfriend. "I know when it comes to Katniss we're not friends, we're enemies, and I'll fight you for her Gale, I'll fight until she tells me to stop because there's no hope for me anymore. I just want to make sure you know what you are fighting for, don't make her fall for you and then drop her when it's all too much for you. You need to think of the whole picture when it comes to Katniss Everdeen."

**Katniss POV**

Guilt, that's what I feel. I don't even want to face Peeta. I can't help it, the comparisons between the two that are consuming my thoughts. I want to say that it was disgusting, like kissing a cousin or a brother, but it wasn't. It was a lot like the first time I kissed Peeta. I've spent a lot of time with Gale over the years, you would think that I knew everything there was about him, but I've never known him to be so gentle. It's not what I was expecting. Why didn't I push him away, get angry, anything. Instead I just stood there confused, I shouldn't have been confused, I know I love Peeta, but I also know that kiss meant something as well.

I stay in the woods for as long as I can, it's late afternoon before I make my way back home to the Victor's Village. I open the door to the house that Peeta and I share; I can hear him moving around in the kitchen and I smell dinner. I walk silently and watch him from the doorway of the kitchen for a moment.

"You're losing your touch Katniss, I hear you standing there." Peeta says teasingly without looking at me. He finishes what he is doing, puts stew into plates for us and places them at the table. When he finally does look at me, I nearly lose it. I haven't decided whether or not to tell him, or how I'll do it. He walks up to me, concern in his bright blue eyes, I look into them deeply, trying to see if they lost their magic on me. "Is everything ok?" He asks me, he puts his hands on my shoulders, "Katniss, your trembling."

He tilts his head to look down at me, waves of his hair fall into his face, I reach up and push his hair back, and he catches my hand and kisses my palm. It's just like we always do, it never loses its magic, "I think I'm sick." I shout suddenly. Confusion clouds Peeta's expression, "I'm going to bed." I run up the stairs far faster than I think a sick person would, I know he wouldn't fall for that for a single second anyway, but I know he will give me my space, and space is what I need to sort out my feelings.

If someone kisses you and it's all consuming and it's what you always wanted and dreamed of, how can you feel sparks when someone else kisses you? Shouldn't it be different, does this mean that I could love Gale too, do I want to? I cover my face and groan into my blanket. Why? Why did Gale have to do this, why did he have to awaken something that I didn't even know was there for him. Does this mean that I have to choose now? Do I have to choose between them both? I know its Peeta; it will be Peeta every time, no matter the situation, why did Gale have to do that. Does this mean I have to hurt him; do I really need to lose my best friend because of all of this? Is this my fault, did I need to draw lines somewhere along the way and I didn't. I should have made it more clear to Gale; he doesn't know what there is between me and Peeta. Peeta and I are connected, for life, we always have been. I've never doubted my future with him, I've never dreamed for anything else. These past few weeks I've been living in a dream world with Peeta, if it weren't for the celebrations and festivals and camera crews it would have been perfection. Really all that is a small price to pay to have Peeta in my life, I could be going through all of this alone, I count my lucky stars every day that the Gamemakers made a grave mistake and let us both live, they could have just blown us to smithereens and had no Victor which is what I think President Snow would have preferred.

Hours pass, it's dark now, and Peeta quietly pushes the door open and places a tray of food on the bedside table nearest to me. He climbs into bed with me and lies with his chest to my back, wraps his arms around me and kisses the hair near my ear. "I was thinking that with Graham and Tule getting married and having their toasting this week we could offer them our extra house to live in." I don't move.

"What if you or I need it one day?" I ask.

"Why would we need it? Are you planning on running away on me?" He asks with a laugh which I'm sure he meant to disguise the nervous pitch his voice makes when he asks the question.

"I don't want children." I blurt out. I don't know exactly why, but I just know I need to get on another topic.

"Ok." Peeta draws out the word. "Katniss, help me out here, I'm not following you right now."

"I know you want kids, what if I don't." I say with a shrug of my shoulders.

"Then I guess we don't have kids." Peeta says plainly. "I can understand that, any kids we have are sure to find their way into the reaping and into the Games. Can you imagine, the child of not one, but two Victors? The Capital will have a field day."

"What if I really wanted seven kids, let's just have them and not stop until we get to seven. I've always wanted a big family." I say, "Then no one will ever be alone like I am."

"What? Katniss, what are you talking about? You're not alone, you're here with me, and we can have seven kids or no kids or whatever kind of family you want. I just want us to be together." He exclaims.

"Always." I say, even though I don't think he meant to say 'together' in the way that we say it so we complete the phrase the way we always have. "I want us to be together too, always." I sigh. "You'll really have whatever family I want to have?" I ask finally turning to look at him.

"Yes, I hope I get a say in it because honestly, we could do it, but seven kids sounds like an awful lot and I hope you don't really want that many." We both laugh. "It's your body, ultimately it's your decision, I can't force you to do anything you don't want to, I don't think anyone can." Peeta reassures me. We lay in comfortable silence for a little longer, I hear Peeta's stomach rumble with Hunger, I roll my eyes and sit up and start to eat the stew that he prepared for dinner, realizing that he's waiting for me to eat my half so he can finish it. I hand the bowl to him when I've eaten my share and begin to nibble at one of the two cheese buns that are on the tray.

"I guess I just got scared. We're so young and we've always been so sure that we were meant for each other but there are so many things against us. What if we don't end up with each other, what if we get tired of each other, what if this is all too much too fast? We're still only sixteen." I speak quickly getting all my thoughts out at once.

Peeta thinks carefully before saying what's on his mind. "I've waited my whole life to be with you Katniss. When the Capital is involved it's hard to keep focused on what's real and what's not, but I'll tell you one thing, I'll never get tired of you." I look down at my hands. "And if you were scared before I'm about to terrify you." He holds his hand out and in it is a simple silver ring with a single raised diamond in the middle. "I was going to ask you to marry me tonight at dinner; somehow it seems more fitting that we do it here, talking in our bedroom like we used to growing up." I throw my arms around Peeta's neck. I take the ring and put it on my finger, it surprisingly fits. "I bought it a few days ago. It probably came from the Capital at some point in its history, but it's very old, the most expensive piece that the jeweler had in his collection." I don't know what to say, and like a fool I begin to cry, Peeta simply laughs and hugs me to him. I've been a fool for doubting anything between Peeta and I. Maybe, I'm more attracted to Gale than I've been able to admit, but really who wouldn't be, that doesn't mean that I could ever be happier with him than I am with Peeta. A kiss is one thing, but Peeta and I are connected by something stronger, and we complete each other. "I know everything we do is so public, we don't need to tell anyone right away if you don't want to."

"Are you kidding? Of course we are telling people, you're parents talk about us having a toasting every time we see them. They'll be thrilled; they will probably insist we have our toasting before we leave the bakery when we tell them." I say.

"This is why I thought it would be a good idea to give Graham and Tule our extra house. We're not going to start a family right away, but they probably are. It would be nice to be near our nieces and nephews." Peeta says. I nod my head in agreement.

"Their toasting is this week, we can wait until next week to announce our engagement, I don't want to over shadow their event." I say. I'm so happy I jump on Peeta's lap and cover him in kisses.

"So you're not going to run away on me?" he asks jokingly.

"Never." I say.

All thoughts of the kiss I shared with Gale that morning are gone, we have a good week. I help Tule with the wedding as much as I can, she is an only child like me and we hit it off great. The toasting is nice, they move into our extra house in the Victor's Village, Rye moves into their government issued house which is rather close to the bakery conveniently enough. The next Sunday comes along and I go out into the woods to meet Gale. I've been dreading this day all week aside from everything else that has happened.

I'm lying on the ground, frost all around me, but I shoot the squirrel I've been tracking as it runs by. "Nice shot." Gale says from behind me, I didn't even know it was there. I have this whole speech planned about how I'm truly in love with Peeta, and how I can understand if he doesn't want to be friends anymore if he can't accept that I don't want to be with him the way he obviously wants to be with me. Friendship is the only thing that I can offer him, but every time I try to bring it up he changes the subject, like he just wants to forget it ever happened. That's exactly what I want to do, forget it happened, so I play along. We finish our day of hunting the way we do every week as if nothing has changed. It repeats every Sunday for about three months, life is good and nothing changes, until Peeta and I get a visit from President Snow.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N - Sorry it took so long for me to update, I've been really excited for this chapter and really wanted to do it well. So I avoided it for days so that I could think of how this would go and think of some good dialogue for it and never came up with any so I just wrote it as best as I could. haha, probably one of my most stressful chapters to write, I only ever want K and P to be happy.

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**Peeta POV**

My brain doesn't comprehend these images correctly. I'm looking right now at a hologram streaming images of Katniss kissing Gale. My Katniss, kissing her best friend, who she still goes into the forest with every Sunday, was probably with him this morning since it is the day we are supposed to leave for our Victory Tour and is a holiday for the whole district. I can feel that my brain is in panic mode and I look to Katniss; my smooth mask that I usually wear whenever anyone from the Capital is around has fallen. I know it; but I can't stop the reaction in my body.

I stand up as if my legs know enough to run away from what is happening, but my brain won't let me and as I look to Katniss every emotion on her face tells me what we are seeing is real, no matter how much I want to deny it. Her eyes are filled with guilt as she meets my own gaze that I know is desperately looking for any hint that this is not true and finding nothing but silent confession and I have to look away. I can't stand to see the truth written on her face.

We are due to leave in a few hours; Katniss was out hunting when they arrived here at the house. I was doing mass baking in the kitchen, planning on making enough bread to leave a few loaves with the families in the Seam who are having a hard time this winter. The doorbell rang; I answered the door to find Peacekeepers and the president of Panem himself on the other side. We waited for Katniss to get home, which thankfully wasn't long, she promised not to stay out long, she wanted to say goodbye to Gale and possibly the rest of his family without it being televised. The same goes for my parents and brothers and sister in-law who are coming to our house this morning, we intended for all of our sincere good-byes to not happen on camera. Even Madge is due to come this morning; we were going to have a good time with our family and friends before we had to leave.

I lead President Snow to the home office, which we hardly ever use, and I left to bring him refreshments, which I was really using to stall for time until Katniss got home, it is so unnerving to have someone so evil in my own house. Katniss happened to walk in the door just as I was bringing a tray of cookies and tea, I quickly announced we had guests so she wouldn't say something about going into the forest for hunting, which I'm sure the president knows that she does illegally, it was rather obvious from the skills she possessed in the Hunger Games, but I still didn't want her to say it aloud. We both took our seats on the opposite side of the large desk in the room, we sat as he explained how the Capital is starting to see how cruel The Hunger Games are to children, people in the districts are set to stage uprisings because of how much we were able to manipulate the Gamemakers to our will so that we could both live. And if we could do that, make them do what we want and get away with it, two kids from the poorest district, what's to stop them from banding together to do the same.

We learn from President Snow what Katniss and I have come to represent to the rebels in the other districts; unity and what you can do when you stand together against the Capital, no matter the sacrifice. If a girl from District 12 can offer her greatest sacrifice and appear to put her life back together after then what's to stop everyone else from doing something similar, if a boy fights with all his courage for the person that he loves then everyone else should stand together and do the same. All my talk of Katniss at the interviews has portrayed someone who should represent banding together and fighting, and in my own words, someone worth dying for. I myself came out looking like a sort of leader, someone with a plan and the courage and words to encourage change for everyone. Snow explains that we cannot continue on the way we have, that we need to extinguish the spark that we ignited in the nation, and that the only way we can do this is to remind people that we are just two kids who wanted to survive, kids who got lucky and are thankful to our Capital and Gamemakers for their choice to spare us, that they too realized that we sacrificed too much and were merciful.

It's a lot to take in and I ask the president how he wants us to move forward, enforce that we just want to live our lives out peacefully, that we didn't intend for all of this. President Snow reveals that wants me to hurt her, to break up with her very publicly over the course of the Victory Tour, to make us seem like nothing more than overly dramatic teenagers who don't think ahead of the consequences of our actions. He wants us to remind the nation that we are just a couple of kids who shouldn't be taken seriously.

I, of course, told him I wouldn't do it. He doesn't know that we had our toasting a month ago; in District 12 a toasting in front of family and friends is more official than signing a piece of paper at the Justice Building. Katniss and I are as good as married, and everyone in the District knows it, they are so loyal to us because of what we have done and all that we have been through that no one even thought to leak the news to the Capital. We didn't file the official paper work with the Justice Building because we didn't want the Capital to find out and make it a public event, we weren't in need of a government issued home anyway, which is really the only reason the people of our District need to file the marriage with the Justice Building. We know we'll have to do all that one day and that the Capital will make of it what it will with its large ceremony that will be completely foreign and mean nothing to us, but for now, we wanted something just for us and our family.

When I protested and said that we wouldn't do it, that we couldn't break up the President pulled out a small electronic device I recognized as a hologram player, he said that he thought I wouldn't be on board with this plan, but may be persuaded when I found out the truth about what's really been going on in the woods every Sunday. And so now I find myself watching Gale and Katniss in a passionate kiss on a continuous loop that I can't take my eyes off of. I'm still standing, looking down at it, wishing for a different outcome but every time seeing the same one. She doesn't push Gale away, she seems to get lost in the kiss, and when they break apart she holds her fingers to her lips. My head is spinning; I wish this wasn't happening right in front of President Snow. He has played his cards with me exactly right.

I'm vaguely aware that there is still a conversation going on here, and I try to focus but I don't really hear a word that is said between him and Katniss, I don't fully snap back to reality until he is leaving the room and he says, "Good luck on the Victory tour Mr. and Mrs. Mellark." We stay in the room in stunned silence until we hear the car parked outside drive away. He left the hologram player behind, so the video is still streaming in front of me, and I'm unable to tear my eyes away from it until something is thrown at it and the player violently falls from the desk.

I still don't want to look at her, I can't. I don't want to see the guilt in her eyes, I close mine but all I see is the images playing over and over on my head. "It meant nothing." Katniss says from behind me. Her arm starts to wrap itself around my waist, but I jerk away from her attempt at an embrace and walk across the room. "Peeta, please." She begs me, but I don't know what she's begging for and I don't think she does either. I cover my eyes with my hands. "I'm so sorry." She whispers her confession. I swear, her apology rips the heart from my chest. I don't know what to do, so I whip the door open and walk out into the hallway and I don't stop. I head for the door; she's calling my name, shouting apologies that she doesn't realize are making this whole situation so much worse for me, acknowledging that everything I saw was real. I would have rather she told me it was something the Capital fabricated somehow, I would have believed that far easier than I would have believed she'd betray me like this.

She's pulling in my arm, trying to stop me from leaving; I still can't look at her. I whip the door open and my parents are on the other side. They look at both of us, the surprise written all over their faces. I'm sure Katniss has melted down into a frantic mess, the likes of which the three of us have been the only ones to see before. The way she is yelling my name reminds me of the way she was yelling for Prim when my parents found her and tried to separate her from her dead sister. Upon seeing my parents on our doorstep she lets me go and tries to straighten herself up a bit, this is when I make my escape and push my way between my parents and down the few stairs to the ground. I don't know where to go, I hesitate for a split second, Katniss calls out for me, and the sound is enough to push me forward. I need to escape this, it's my nightmare, and I've never had the urge to run away from Katniss when there is so much hurt in her voice like there is now. It is the sound that is in my nature to run to, like in the Games when they announced there could be two Victors and I heard my name echo through the forest and I knew she was putting herself in danger just to find me.

I clamp my hands over my ears and walk away. She's drawn a crowd, the only crowd that can come from the Victor's village; Graham and his wife, and Haymitch. I walk passed Rye who is just coming up to the Village, he asks what's going on but I keep walking, I need to escape, I don't have time to stop.

The stylists, Effie Trinket, the cameras will all arrive at noon today. I walk to the merchant square; most things are closed today in preparation for the celebration of the start of the Victory Tour. It reminds me that today is a holiday for our District. The whole district is supposed to show up at the train station to see us off. I head to the Hob, thinking there may be some morning trading still happening, and this is where I find him. He sees me approaching, confusion in his face for a brief moment until I walk over and punch him square in the jaw. I feel a little triumphant for a moment until he recovers and punches me back and this thing that I started escalates into a full out fight. It's pretty evenly matched, he's bigger than me, but I have the experience of a lifetime of scrapping with my older brothers. It doesn't last long, and it surely hasn't even been a full minute before two guys he surely knows from the mines pull him off of me and Rye and Haymitch pull me from him. They must have followed me the whole way here and I've been so consumed in my own thoughts that I didn't even notice.

"You know?" He asks me as he stands up rubbing his jaw and wiping at the blood coming from a cut on his lip.

"Yeah, I know." I reply, hatred and anger seething into my voice, I wipe the blood dripping into my eye from a gash near my eyebrow with the back of my hand.

"She told you?" He asks. I don't reply. He nods his head, knowing that my silence means she didn't, "How did you find out?"

"Does it matter?" I ask. I shake Rye and Haymitch off of me and walk out of the Hob, I thought this would help, it didn't.

"What was that all about?" Rye asks as we walk.

"None of your business." I mutter.

The walk is quiet until we are clear of the town and we are on the path halfway between the rest of District 12 and the Victor's Village where there aren't any houses around or anyone to see Haymitch confront me. "Boy, you'd better tell us what happened back there. I saw Snow leave your house and then not five minutes later your running and not even Katniss could stop you."

I hesitate and finally decide to tell them about seeing the video of Katniss and Gale.

Rye looks at me confused, "The president of all of Panem came you tell you that your girlfriend cheated on you?" He asks.

"Wife," I correct Rye. "He knew about the toasting. When he left he called us Mr. And Mrs. Mellark. He knew we were married even if we didn't file the official paperwork at the Justice Building." I say, looking at Haymitch. He looks back at me knowingly. As I've been telling my story I realize how stupid I've been, hearing it out loud and Rye pointing out that the president of all of Penam wouldn't come all the way out here just to torture me with the fact that something happened between Katniss and Gale. I've played this out exactly as President Snow wants me to, I'm not focusing on the bigger picture, and Haymitch knows there is something more here going on.

"Well Rye, I don't think you realize how important the Star Crossed Lovers are to the nation." I say sarcastically. We are approaching the Victor's Village now and we can see that in the time that we've been gone everyone has arrived. There are vehicles all around the village, cameras are being set up. We don't leave until later this evening, but Katniss will be busy all day, the prep team and the stylist have far more to do with Katniss then they do with me.

Rye has started to walk ahead of me and Haymitch; we've both purposely slowed our walking to give him a chance to get ahead of us. "He wants me to break up with her; we're creating unrest in the districts." I say quickly, only loud enough for Haymitch to hear.

"I've heard the rumors, if the president is willing to come all the way out here personally the I guess they are more true than I thought." He responds quickly.

"What should I do?" I ask.

"Play Star Crossed Lovers when the cameras are on tonight." He looks at me, I'm still disheveled from my fight with Gale and I can feel the impact from the fight may be worse than I thought. It feels like I may be getting a goose egg on my head, I think I may have hit it off of one of the vendors stalls when we fell to the ground. My forehead feels like it's swelling and the cut on my head is splitting open more, and the rest of my body just generally hurts from the punches that I took, I know I look like a mess and I don't know how much the prep team and stylists can cover up. "Try to play it cool, Katniss isn't as good at this as you are so you'll need to act like you aren't upset with her."

I just nod my head as I look at the ground. The thought of facing her and what this all could mean for us gives me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. We walk the rest of the way to the village. I know the reporters are taking notice of my appearance so I rush into my house. There's no one on the first floor, my own prep team is waiting for me at the Victor's house that I'm supposed to be living in, which is actually where my brother and his newly pregnant wife live. I really just came into this house out of habit. I head to the office where we met with President Snow this morning, I see the hologram player on the floor surrounded by pencils that I don't bother to pick up, I do pick up the hologram player and put it into my pocket. I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet, but I want to be in control of it. Whether to destroy it or watch it again, I don't know, but I want that option for myself. I use the back door and walk through the backyards until I make it to my brother's house and enter through the back door there. Everyone is waiting for me in the front room, Portia asks me what happened to my face and I tell her that I got into a fight and she just looks at me with sympathy and doesn't ask me anymore questions.

The next couple of hours are filled with being prepped for the cameras. Inside my head is torture. I can't bake or do anything to try to stop that image from playing over and over in my head, and I know I'm really not ready to talk to Katniss about it.

Basically I sit and sulk for the rest of the day until around dusk and Effie tells me to be ready to exit from the house in about ten minutes. Haymitch has been here most of the day talking to my dad and brothers, but as I'm standing at the door waiting for my cue to exit he puts a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. I take a breath and I know it's time because all of the cameras are aimed at my door. I open it and take a step outside. I look to my right and see that Katniss has come out of our house at the same time.

She's radiant, and that makes it all that much worse for me. It's only been a day, but I'm so emotionally exhausted at all that has happened since this morning. We walk down our steps and as we are walking towards each other it's as if she can't wait a moment longer to reach me because she runs the last few feet and we meet somewhere in the middle and she launches herself into my arms. I'm caught off guard and we fall into the snow.

Haymitch said the plan was still to play Star Crossed Lovers, so I laugh as if this is easy for me, but it's not. She's on top of me and she leans in and kisses me. I want to enjoy it, like I have countless times before, but its tainted now. I can't get the thoughts out of my head. I wonder if she was with Gale this morning, how long this has been going on behind my back, how many of these kisses were fake, if it's him she thinks of when she is with me.

As she pulls away she puts her hand up to brush the hair from my face, the stylists left it longish until we can get some better capital medicines that will heal the gash on my head quickly, for now they've done what they can with a clear bandage and make-up. I can't help but wince as Katniss grazes my injury with her hand and she notices it, she looks closer at my injury and then looks at my eyes as if to ask what happened. Thankfully Caesar who is talking to us via the cameras is calling our names, trying to bring our attention to address the nation.

I put on the mask, but I can feel that I'm still distracted by the day's events and my heart is not into the act. I fall short, I can tell, but surprisingly Katniss recovers for me. We all thought she wasn't good at this acting for the camera thing, but right now she's doing just as well as I do on any other day. She is far better at this acting thing then she let on, which only encourages my mind to develop worse questions; how long had she been good at this, has she been acting with me the whole time? No, I know it was real before the games, so, maybe just since the kiss with Gale?

Katniss' laugh snaps me back to reality again, and I follow her lead as she waves to the camera and I put on the best smile that I can as Caesar says he can't wait to see us when we get to the Capital. That wraps up the farewell interview and Effie is shouting directions to everyone and we are ushered into our own private car, the ride of which will be very short as we are not that far from the train station. The car pulls us away from the Victor's Village and I watch as we are taken from home, I slouch in my seat and rest my head against the window. The silence is tense until Katniss asks "What happened to your head?"

"Nothing." Is my only reply, and I continue to stubbornly look out the window, refusing to glance her way, but in my peripheral vision I can see her trying to inspect me for more damage. She puts her hand over mine, and I let her, deep down thankful for her touch. My body betrays me in this sense, I'm so accustomed to her, and it hurts to be so angry with her like this.

"You got into a fight?" She exclaims as she lifts my hand, the bruises on my knuckles gave me away and I quickly pull my hand from hers. I don't respond we are approaching the train station; people make a path for the vehicle to approach. "What happened?" She tries asking again, but I'm still stubbornly ignoring her questions. If she learned acting from me, then I learned how to be stubborn from her. The vehicle stops and I see my whole family, Madge and the mayor and the Hawthorne family waiting on the platform. While we had our interview my family was brought here to see us off. It's evening and it's cold outside, snow everywhere, but the people of District 12 are required to be here, and don't want to make them stand out in the cold longer than necessary. As soon as the car stops I open the door, I'm also desperate to escape the tension in the car. I smile as I exit, Katniss walks behind me, we wave to the crowd for the cameras, walk up the steps of the platform where the train is waiting for us. We didn't get to have the morning together as planned, but our friends and family approach us, we hug them and they wish us a good trip. I can at least rest easy knowing that this isn't like the last time we left for the Capital, we are coming home and I will be sure to see my family when I return. I watch Katniss approach the Hawthornes out of the corner of my eye, I see her face as she sees Gale and I know she realizes what happened. Gale's prep team is not as good as mine, and his injuries show much clearer than my own. His lip is swollen and there is a clear bruise in his jaw. My own bruise that began to show early this afternoon on my cheek bone is covered well. I'm glad it looks like I came out unscathed. Katniss only gives Gale polite side hug; she has Posy in her arms. I wonder if she likes him more because he has the adorable little sister that Katniss likes to fawn over whenever possible.

Katniss finishes her goodbyes with Madge, the two girls put their heads close together so their conversation won't be picked up by the cameras or anyone else, they hug and Katniss joins me. Normally, I would put my arm around her, maybe kiss her once for the whole nation to see, but as she approaches me I put the arm up I'm supposed to put around her and wave goodbye to the district. I can see the look on her face; she knows I'm deflecting any contact with her. She puts in her own mask, a reflection of my own; it's a fake overcompensating smile hiding our inner turmoil. We finally walk onto the train and it takes off almost immediately.

"Peeta, please, we need to talk." She begs me almost immediately. I simply walk away, this is the same train that took us to the Capital for the Hunger Games six months ago, and I know the layout and head immediately to my room that went unused on our first trip. "Peeta!" She calls out to me.

It breaks my heart, but in either case I'm not ready for what is about to happen. Worst case scenario is that she'll admit to what she's been doing with Gale, confirming all my worst fears, she'll leave me, and I'll lose the love of my life for a reason that I haven't been able to figure out yet and may not even want to know. At best, she begs forgiveness and apologizes, but that admits the guilt that something happened between them, and I'm not ready for that yet either.

I open the door to my room and Katniss catches my hand, "Peeta please, just hear me out."

I stop, and turn to look at her already tear filled face. "I am allowed to be angry about this." I say to her, I'm using all of my will power to say this calmly, "so just leave me alone Katniss, I need time before I'm ready for this." I pull my hand from her grip and close the door, leaving her on the other side.

**Katniss POV**

My stomach drops and my head spins. I can feel the dread of what is about to happen to my life. Peeta and I were sitting across from President Snow, he had just told us what he wants us to do this Victory tour and I couldn't believe it. There is unrest in the districts, he wants us to break up publicly, and he wants it to be ugly. He wants me to hurt; sure, Peeta and I were in the games together, but it was me who went through that miscarriage and earned the sympathy of probably every person in Panem, it was also technically my idea for Peeta and I to eat those berries. He doesn't see the flaw in his plan, if anything, Peeta hurting me would only generate more sympathy for me, and it would obviously be a setup, we've made it pretty obvious that we are genuinely in love with each other, it would take something really big to make it seem like we are genuinely having problems.

Peeta speaks up first before I can; he says we won't do it. Snow ominously says he doesn't think it will be as hard as Peeta thinks it will be and he plays the hologram that we are watching now. Peeta looks to me and I have to look at the heartbreak written all over his face, in his eyes. He turns away as if he can't stand to look at me, he can't take his eyes off the video that is playing, and the rest of this conversation is obviously up to me to try to gain control of, but at the moment I feel like every bit of the stupid teenager that Snow wants me to be.

"This won't work, even if we break up, individually we'll still be the same symbols."

"Maybe, but there will be less credibility on your part. Any group trying to organize uprisings based on your images will have to reconsider their strategy or they'll look just as foolish as you do now." Snow coolly replies. Snow looks to Peeta and back to me with a sinister smile in his face then gets up to leave, just as he is about to leave the room he says "Good luck on the Victory tour Mr. and Mrs. Mellark." His words chill me to my core; he knew we were married this whole time.

I watch as President Snow leaves, I listen as his car and the peacekeepers leave our house. I'm still cowering in my seat, Peeta won't stop staring at the video playing back the most awful thing I could have done to him, and I can't stand it anymore. He hasn't moved an inch, so I reach out and grab a cup filled with pencils and hurl it at the hologram player, Peeta doesn't move an inch, but at least he's not watching that video which was on an endless loop.

I don't know what to do right now, every second of silence is raising my anxiety levels. I know I need to say something, anything, and "It meant nothing," is the best that I can come up with and still no response from Peeta. I walk up behind him and I want to comfort him, so I begin to give him a hug, but as soon as he feels my arms wrapping around his body he jerks away. It hurts so much, and I just want him to realize that I'm hurting so much, so I start to tell him by saying "Peeta, please," but then I stop myself. It seems incredibly selfish to demand he realize how much pain that I am in when he's probably in so much more. I watch as he covers his eyes with his hands and it breaks my heart, I just want to fix this, I want it all to go away, I want us to be as happy as we were this morning before I left the house. I wish I told him weeks ago, when this first happened, "I'm so sorry," I whisper for the mess that we are in because I didn't follow my instinct to tell him about it then. This seems to be the exact wrong thing to say, it's like he can't stand the words coming from my mouth and he dashes for the door, I follow him in a panic and grab onto his arm. "Peeta stop, please!" I beg. "I need you to stay, don't go!" I yell as desperately as I can. He can't leave, the thought panics me and I can feel myself falling into full break down mode right now. He needs to stay, to give me a chance to explain.

We reach the door, and he pulls it open, Mr. and Mrs. Mellark are on the other side. I'm aware of the mess I've made of myself, I wipe the tears from my face and as soon as my hand is off of Peeta he dashes down the steps and is heading out of the Victor's Village. I call for him to come back, to let me explain, I go to follow him but Mrs. Mellark stops me by wrapping her arms around me in a comforting motherly hug. I start to sit right there on the step in a sobbing mess, Tule runs up the steps and Mrs. Mellark lets her into the hug as well. I watch as Haymitch runs after Peeta, Rye has only just entered the Village and takes one look at me and decides to follow Haymitch.

I try to catch my breath, to get myself together, but my heart is beating so fast in my chest I'm sure it will burst out of it any second. I'm so afraid right now, afraid of what I've just done to Peeta and what this could mean for us.

"Dear, what happen?" Mrs. Mellark asks me. I look at her and I almost cry harder, but instead I just try to get through the explanation.

"Gale kissed me weeks ago, Peeta just found out." I say simply. Tule looks at Mrs. Mellark with eyebrows raised in surprise, but Peeta's mother only smiles and shakes her head.

"Is that all dear?" Mrs. Mellark says in a more relieved voice. "I thought the worst, your father and I saw President Snow and his Peacekeepers leave the house and drive away as we were approaching the Village." I look at her as if she's crazy for not thinking that kissing Gale isn't bad enough.

"He brought a hologram that played a video of the whole thing, I don't know how he got it recorded, but Peeta saw the whole thing. Even had to watch it over and over because it was on a loop." I explain why this maybe worse than she thinks, and then I look down ashamed. "I didn't pull away from the kiss, I let him do it, and I may have liked it a little."

Mrs. Mellark gives a laugh and hugs me and rubs comforting circles on my back. Tule has more of the reaction that I'm expecting, and then Madge approaches the Village and comes across the scene. Tule quickly explains everything to her so that I don't have to explain it again. Even Madge has a laugh at my expense, although I don't see what so funny about the whole thing. Mrs. Mellark suggests we go inside for tea before the stylists get here and so we all head inside while Mr. Mellark and Rye head to the other Victor's house. As I sit at the table Tule says with a shake of her head, "How could you not think something like this would get out? I'm sure reporters left hidden camera's all over the district just hoping something like this would happen. The Gamemakers have probably been waiting to release this until just before the Victory Tour."

"I didn't want to worry Peeta, so I thought I'd just keep it to myself that he wouldn't find out." I admit. Then I say in almost a whisper, "I didn't think they had cameras on the other side of the fence." This fact makes everyone gasp, and as soon as I hear it out loud my mind starts putting all the pieces together.

"President Snow himself brought this hologram to you? Why didn't one of the reporters or Gamemakers? Is this even going to be made public?" Madge asks.

I shrug my shoulders, I really don't know if it will or not, and then Madge leaves the room and we can all hear her turn the television on in the other room. We sip our tea, Tule seems to not be able to wait any longer and she leaves the room to join Madge leaving me with Mrs. Mellark alone.

"I've considered you my daughter for years, but after the toasting and you started calling myself and Mr. Mellark mother and father," She smiles as she puts her hand over her heart and closes her eyes, letting herself release a sigh of happiness. "Well that was just a bit of icing on the cake." She laughs at her joke, such a baker's wife, it makes me smile and roll my eyes. She leans toward me and I open my arms and let her envelope me in a motherly hug. "Don't worry about this, you two have been so close for years, I was just as convinced as the two of you that you were destined to be together. Peeta will be hopping mad, but you know how he gets. Just give him some time; he won't want to stay angry at you forever. It's not in his nature to let you be miserable, he'll come around and this will all be forgotten like yesterday's bread."

I sigh, "I just felt so bad that I liked it. I don't think that I wanted to admit it, and then I went to meet Gale the next week, to explain that it's Peeta that I truly love even if I was confused about how I felt about that kiss, but he just acted like it never happened. I figured that as long as he acted like it never happened I was free to keep my friend, so I didn't stop hunting with him, although I probably should have. Things just went back to the way they were before, Gale hasn't tried to do anything since, it's been nice to have him back to normal. Maybe he's over me; he did say after that he 'needed it do it just once'." I try to reason. Mrs. Mellark rubs my shoulder soothingly.

"You're allowed to make mistakes. You're a teenager don't forget." Mrs. Mellark says to comfort me.

Madge and Tule return to the room, their faces solemn as they nod their head. "It's all over the news, everyone will know it happened Katniss, I'm sorry." Tule says.

Madge's face looks a little confused. "Why would the president of Panem make a trip all the way out here just to be the first to show Peeta this first? Was he warning you?" I think back to having the president and all the evilness radiating off of him in my own home, I swear, I could still gag over the lingering blood and roses smell.

"Yeah, he was warning us." I say to them, not wanting to worry them with what exactly he was warning us against, they don't need to know about the unrest in the districts. There's a quick knock at the door before Effie Trinket allows herself in, and is followed by the prep team and Cinna. I greet them, but they all seem to notice that I've been crying and look at me sympathetically.

Once we get upstairs and the prep team is drawing me a bath Cinna puts a sympathetic arm around my shoulder, "Don't worry, we'll make you look so stunning Peeta will forget his own name, everything will be ok."

I know I can trust Cinna, I'd rather talk to Haymitch about this, but I know Cinna will pass on this information as soon as he can. I hear the door open and close and footsteps on the first floor, I wait, thinking someone will be joining us and I don't want to be interrupted. But the footsteps continue walking on the first floor and I recognize the loud thump of Peeta's prosthetic, I move to go downstairs, but Cinna holds me tight. I look at Cinna and he gives me a small sympathetic smile and shakes his head, "Just give him some time to process this, and give yourself time to think of what you are going to say to him." He advises wisely. I nod, knowing that his is right.

"He knew we were married. Snow, he called us Mr. and Mrs. Mellark before he left. He wants Peeta to publicly hurt me and for us to break up, he showed us the hologram of that kiss." I explain quickly in a hushed voice.

Cinna looks worriedly at me, "You didn't find out from the television yesterday?" I shake my head, "It's been playing since yesterday evening's news."

"I don't think anyone here knows. Peeta and I don't watch much television, I don't even know if there was power to the whole district yesterday. We usually don't have it in the winter." I say. Cinna nods his head, the Vienna calls for me, Cinna kisses the top of my head and the rest of the day is spent getting ready for the cameras for this evenings broadcast. I don't see Cinna again until I'm getting dressed and he tells me that he spoke with Haymitch and Peeta has been instructed to play Star Crossed Lovers for the cameras and that I should do the same.

Later, Effie pushes me out the door of my home and into the spotlight again, but this time I've been looking forward to it. Cinna is a miracle worker, and his winter designs for my clothing are magic, just like all of his creations. I've even asked if I can leave my hair down and loose because I know that's the way Peeta likes it the most, and Cinna only put a pair of ear muffs on me to keep me protected from the cold. I finally see Peeta after a whole day of worrying about him and being afraid of how he will receive me in front of the camera's, but I know he won't shut me out or play right into their game the way they want us to. I can't stand to be apart from him anymore and I run into his arms, I plant a kiss on his lips, hoping that he feels all the love that I have for him in the kiss. This kiss is different, it's a 'for the camera kiss', I can feel it. He's too stiff, his heart isn't in it, I can't imagine how his day has been, I'm sure by now he knows that all of Panem knows about the kiss and is wondering how we are handling it. I bring my hand up to push the hair from his face, it's odd that the stylist have left it down like this, they normally use their hair products to keep it from his face, and as I put my hand up to his head and push the hair back I see why they've left it down. He's got a bandage on his forehead that's got a substantial amount of makeup on it, probably they've tried to cover it up for the camera. I look at Peeta, wishing I could ask him what happened but Caesar is calling our attention to the camera and we need to put our masks on and address the nation.

At first I allow Peeta to take lead like normal, but his answers are stiff and short. I'm sure the nation is reading it for what it is; he's still in shock at seeing the images of me and Gale. So I take over the interview for him. Most of the questions are directed at me anyway, asking how Peeta and I are doing, and how things are between us. I put on my most dazzling smile and since Peeta isn't contributing anything to the conversation, positive or negative, I just continue on acting as if nothing has changed between us. I know the people in the Capital are probably on the edge of their seats hoping for me or Peeta to let something slip that would result in juicy gossip, but he seems to be in a world of his own until I laugh at the end of the interview, effectively cutting it off and ending it.

The cameras all shut down and we are ushered to our own car which will take us to the train station. Peeta and I are alone in the car and my stomach is so tense it feels like there are a million butterflies in it, my palms are sweaty from nervousness. Peeta slumps in his seat and rests his head against the window doing his best to ignore me. I know Peeta, he needs his space right now, and that's what everyone else has been telling me to do – give him space. The atmosphere is so tense in the vehicle, I can't let this silence go on any longer or it'll drive me insane, so I gently ask "What happened to your head?"

"Nothing." He replies and continues to stare out the window; he has no idea how frustrating he can be when he's stubborn like this. I try to connect with him, I hope he knows how sorry I am, so I take his hand in my own and to my surprise he lets me. I feel my body begin to settle down with relief until I turn his hand over in my own and see the scrapes and bruises on his knuckles. Dread comes over me, it sends shivers down my spine, "You got into a fight?" I question, raising his hand so that I can look at it closer, wishing there was daylight outside so I can see his hand better and look at the bump on his head. "What happened?" I try asking again, but I'm sure I know the answer.

It's at this moment the vehicle stops and we can see everyone who is meant to say good-bye to us on the platform. Peeta darts out of the vehicle as if he is just as desperate to escape the crippling tension as I am.

Peeta walks quickly to the platform, playing nice for the cameras and waving to any of his old school friends that he sees in the crowd. This is probably our first show of just how bad things are, Peeta's not holding my hand or even looking back at me. He's just pressing on toward the train as quickly as he can, all I can do it try to keep up to him, and he's walking surprisingly fast.

I want to get this over with as quickly as possible; I know the Hawthrones are here specifically for me. I hug Vick and Rory and Hazelle, but there isn't much to say, I was at their home this morning. There isn't much to hunt in the middle of winter so Gale and I agreed to skip hunting and I just spent the morning with him and his family. I like their family, and I especially love the kids, Posy jumps into my arms and I pick her up and hug her to me on last time. I'm thankful that I'm holding her while Gale comes to hug me, I'm sure the cameras are focused on us and I'm glad that Posy is preventing the hug from seeming too intimate. I can't help but notice all of the obvious cuts and bruises on Gale's face that weren't there this morning, it confirms what I've suspected – Peeta's fight was obviously with Gale. I wonder if that will be running on the news tonight as well.

I turn and Madge approaches me and we hug, but before we part she whispers to me, "Don't worry about anything. He loves you, he'll forgive you, you know he will. Just give him a bit of time, don't even talk to him tonight, he might say something he'll regret." I nod my head, grateful that I have Madge who has been like a sister to me for years try to cheer me up. I quickly hug the rest of the Mellarks and walk to Peeta, sure that as part of the Star Crossed Lovers we will have to kiss at least once more for the cameras.

He surprises me; however, by obviously putting me off, he's raised the arm that he's supposed to wrap around me and turned away slightly as if waving to the crowd. I stop stupidly and don't know what to do for a split second. This just shows how angry he is with me, he's never pushed me away so publicly before, it's an obvious show that there is something seriously wrong with the Star Crossed Lovers, and if Peeta is willing to do this so publicly, I can't imagine what is in store for us once we are on that train and there is no way to avoid one another for much longer. I turn and wave to the crowd, trying to play it off, but I don't know how convincing I can be anymore, and I'm so relieved to finally be boarding the train so that all the angst within me can show freely.

"Peeta, please, we need to talk." I say before he has a chance to leave, but he just turns away, I look over my shoulder at Haymitch and Effie who try not to watch the situation unfolding between Peeta and I. I wish he would just let me speak to him, let me explain. "Peeta!" I call out to him, trying to get him to stop and listen, my stupid eyes start to cry again, I hate that he can do this to me. Make me so afraid that I can't control myself; he's never shut me out like this before. I didn't even realize that there would be another side to the coin; that he can comfort me so completely and also shut me out so effectively. I can feel my heart breaking into pieces, I grab his hand as he opens the door with his other in an attempt to keep him with me, I just need a chance to explain, "Peeta please, just hear me out."

He finally pauses, he turns and looks at me, and I wish I didn't look like such a mess, "I am allowed to be angry about this." He says to me in an eerily calm voice, "so just leave me alone Katniss, I need time before I'm ready for this." He pulls his hand from my grip and slams the door closed in my face.

How dare he? I think to myself. Suddenly, I'm not the blabbering girl anymore, I'm angry, and I can feel the rage building within. I didn't hear the door lock, so I know as angry as he is at me, he wants me to come in, so I open the door and burst inside. "Look, Peeta!" I shout to get his attention, he was walking toward the bathroom, but he turns and looks at me as I come storming in. "Yes, Gale kissed me, but you know what it meant nothing ok. I didn't ask for it, I didn't even know he was going to do that." I shout.

Anger comes across Peeta's face, probably all the anger that he's been holding in all day. "That's such a weak excuse Katniss! Maybe he was the one who kissed you, sure you didn't ask for it to happen, but there had to be a reason why he felt like that was an option, that it was something that you wanted to happen!" He shouts back at me, and I have no retort back for his comment.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N - Had a severe case of writer's block with this chapter. I found that I really only like my Katniss and Peeta when they are happy together and found it hard to find a way to bring them back together. I think I wrote Peeta hurt too completely because I had a hard time picturing how he could forgive Katniss. So I wrote some of the chapter, came back to it, thought it was crap, avoided it, came back to it, and so on and so forth. I think the second last line of this chapter wraps up what I thought of this whole thing. From now on,*Spoiler Alert* only happy Everlark and fluffy stuff!

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**Peeta POV**

I see the realization come over her through her eyes, I want to take it back, I wish for that one second that I didn't lose my temper. I've snuffed out the fight in her with one angry comment, it was true, but I still wish I could take it back. To watch her coming to terms with what I just said to her and not know what she is thinking is torture. "You never said anything to him to let him know what there was between us, he doesn't understand this." I say pointing to the two of us.

"I guess I just didn't think of him as competition for you. I never thought about him that way, I didn't think that you considered him a threat to us, I didn't think he ever would be." She tries to explain to me.

Now that I've looked at her I can see how sorry she truly is. I hate to be the cause of her pain, I step up to her and put my hand on her cheek and she looks up at me with those eyes that can make my heart stop and speed up all in the same instant. "I'm sorry Peeta, I was going to tell you, really I was. I was just so confused, I really never thought about him that way before and when he kissed me he just left, I thought I'd lost my best friend and I didn't know if I was ready to lose another person in my life over something so stupid as a kiss. I felt so guilty about the kiss in general and worried about how you would react and I was trying to figure everything out before I came home and then you proposed and everything was good again and I just thought no one would ever find out…" Katniss is talking at light speed and her sentences are running together so that I can hardly understand them but my brain knows that everything she just said makes everything so much worse.

"Wait!" I step away from her. I put my hand to my head as if that will help me to collect my thoughts; everything she said just made this whole thing with Gale is getting out of hand. "So, you only accepted my proposal because you felt guilty about the kiss with Gale?" I ask incredulous.

Katniss' eyes widen at the realization of what she said and how I came to this conclusion. "No, Peeta, that's not what I how I meant it to sound-"

"Well how did you intend for it to sound?" I interrupt her, I can feel my temper getting the best of me again, but this time I don't think I want to stop it. She doesn't even realize the pain that she has just caused me. "Was he better than me? You didn't even bother to stop meeting him in the woods every Sunday, how long has this been going on?" I ask in a raised voice.

"No, he wasn't better than you! I just, was confused for a bit-" Her eyes shift away guiltily.

"You were confused? Confused, Katniss? You married me, we had a toasting, and the whole time you were confused?" I yell at her, I walk across the room and rest my hands on the back of a chair gripping it tightly hoping that this will help me to control my emotions.

"No, I wasn't confused about us; I was never confused about us. I was confused at what this all meant, you know, he's been my best friend for so long-" Katniss is still stumbling to explain everything, but everything she says just makes me angrier and angrier.

"Your best friend Katniss? Aren't I supposed to be your best friends, you know, your husband? Or at the very least Madge? Why is it that you refer to him as your best friend? I remember when you used to be annoyed that you even needed to learn snares with him and didn't trust him fully! When did that all change?" I ask. Her mouth opens, but she is speechless. "Get out." I say in a low voice. Katniss looks at me desperately, but I don't want to even look at her anymore, so I turn away and yell "Get out!" once more as loud as I can so she knows I'm serious. I can hear her cry and turn and run out the door, slamming it behind her. I hang my head in defeat, I've lost her.

**Katniss POV**

When I get out into the hallway I run into my own room across the hall. I kick at the metal trash can near the door until it is sufficiently dented and broken, like my heart. When he caught me off guard with that statement that I didn't do anything to stop Gale's feelings for me from developing I knew he was right. I could feel it for a while, building, but instead of making it clear that nothing would happen between us I ignored it. So I thought honesty was the way to go, and instead that kicked my ass as well, Peeta never let me finish explaining things and heard what he wanted to hear. He didn't let me explain that I was confused about the kiss because I think of Gale as only a friend and I didn't understand why I like the kiss as much as I did – which is nowhere near the same way I feel when Peeta kisses me. When Peeta kisses me, it's electric, it's everything. But I just kept saying the wrong thing, making the same mistakes hoping that he would let me talk enough for me to make him understand. How could I make him understand when I didn't even fully understand it myself? All I really know is that I feel like Peeta has just given up on us.

I cry myself to sleep that night, I wake and walk into the dining car and everyone is there. Peeta looks like he hasn't slept at all and feels as bad as I do right now. He's got a plate of food in front of him but he's not really eating, he's just pushing the food around on his plate. I sit and make a plate for myself, but I only end up doing the same thing that Peeta is doing, we are mirror images of despair and misery. Haymitch and Effie look at each other and Haymitch clears his voice. "We'll be arriving in District 11 today. Effie has prepared your speeches." He says carefully. "Cinna and the prep teams are ready to start to dress you both. What's the plan you two? Are you still up for Star Crossed Lovers?"

Peeta pushes his chair away from the table and practically throws his fork on his plate with a loud clank making Effie jump in her seat. Even she must know how upset Peeta is, she just sits silently instead of reminding Peeta about his manners, we all watch as he walks toward his room, but stops when he sees what the television is playing. It's showing a split screen with my kiss with Gale on one side and my kiss with Peeta in front of the Victor's houses on the other from last night before we left District 12. Underneath is a headline "Who does it better?" and the two hosts of the show are commenting on how Peeta's kiss isn't as intense as they were before.

"What is this?" Peeta asks in a loud angry surprised voice while pointing at the television and looking at all of us sitting at the table.

"It's been playing for days now dear." Effie says tentatively.

"Everyone knows?" He asks as he looks to me. I can only nod my head.

"So this plan is in motion already?" Peeta asks Haymitch who only shrugs his shoulders. He's standing there watching it just as he was before when Snow showed us the hologram at our house. I take a breath and close my eyes, willing him to move on a stop torturing himself. "This one isn't the same." Peeta says in a surprised voice. I look up surprised; we all turn to the television. I get up and walk closer so that I can get a better look at it and Haymitch and Effie follow me. "So it wasn't just the one time, how long has this been going on?" Peeta turns to me and asks, rage showing on his face and in his voice.

I take a few steps away from him, "I swear, it was just the one time! Peeta, you have to believe me." I try to defend myself. I look to the television again, "This is the same video we saw before."

"No it isn't. The one before was you and him in the woods, where you hide your bow and arrows. This one is right in the middle of the merchant square." He points at the television.

"Katniss." Effie says in an accusatory surprised voice, she puts her hand to her chest and looks at me with shock on her face.

"You've been cheating on me this whole time?" Peeta accuses in a hushed hurt voice.

"No, I swear, I haven't!" I say, but Peeta is already walking away.

Effie shakes her head and makes tisk tisk noises. "He loved you so much Katniss, how could you?" She asks.

"I didn't!" I declare, I watch the broadcast, Peeta is right about the background, "Ok, the background is different, but that's the same kiss." I say.

Haymitch nods his head in agreement, "They couldn't put out a video where it was so obvious you venture beyond the fence and aren't punished for it, and they must have altered the video."

I sit down on one of the plush seats, relieved that at least someone believes me. "I don't know how I'm going to fix this." I say in a defeated tone. "Every time I try to explain what happened I make things worse. The worst part is, he's not entirely wrong with his arguments." I say thinking of when he pointed out that I shouldn't be calling Gale my best friend, and that yes, in fact, it is Peeta but I just assumed that he knew he ranked far higher to me than Gale. Also the point about not ever dissuading Gale from having feelings for me, I knew deep down that they were there. His feelings changed for me at some point from treating me like an annoying little kid, to an equal partner, but then I could feel it go beyond that. I could feel his gaze linger on me a little too long, he was a little too protective of me whenever we came across his friends while we were walking through the District, he would get a little frustrated when he called Peeta my brother and I corrected him. I just really don't think of myself as being all that desirable to anyone other than Peeta.

Hours pass, I'm no closer to figuring out a solution to this problem. We arrive in District 11, I don't want to say anything, can't say anything. As soon as I see Rue's family, all those little hungry children, Peeta seems to take pity on me and takes charge of the speeches, while the mayor of this district is still introducing us Peeta quickly takes my cards with the speech that Effie prepared for me from my hands and steps forward to read from them. I'm relieved, and surprised when about half way through he puts the cards down and starts to speak from the heart. He talks about how essential Rue was to us, how she is always with us in our hearts, how I saw my little sister in her and it's tragic that I had to lose them both, that if we had things our way we would have done everything we could to get her out of the Games and sacrifice ourselves for her, she would have been worth it. He talks about Thresh and how he respected him for not joining with the careers even though we learned how much they wanted him, how we had to listen to him suffer so much more than he ever should have and that if we could have we would have put him out of his misery much sooner than we did, he was so strong and brave. He devotes one month of our winnings to each family every year, siting how we wouldn't have survived without their sacrifice specifically. I'm so touched; Peeta's kindness is amazing to me. He takes his place beside me and allows me to stand on tip toe to kiss his cheek. I have to say something, so I go up and thank the families personally, someone whistles Rue's tune from the crowd, and I only see who it is when they raise their hand in our district gesture.

We begin to get aggressively ushered back into the District 11 justice building, but it happens so quickly. Chaos begins to break out as the older man is brought up to the stage where Peeta and I were just standing and is executed right in front of us. I scream, Peeta comes up behind me and covers my eyes and hugs me to his chest. Haymitch takes us through rooms and upstairs and into an abandoned storage room.

"Do you see? Do you both see beyond your own problems now? This is serious; Snow wasn't kidding when he said there is unrest in the Districts." Haymitch says in an angry hushed voice. "His visit wasn't about breaking up a pair of overly dramatic teenagers; he wants to break you up because together you two are causing change. The more he manipulates you both the more people become angry. You think people don't see how you've both changed? You were both angry rebellious teenagers before and during the Games, now you're a pair of well-rehearsed and blinded puppets. You're playing right into the Capital's hands, in to Snow's hands. You are on display for how well the Capital can take something organic and turn it rotten." He rants angrily.

Peeta and I are silent, absorbing the information that Haymitch is giving to us. "What do you want us to do?" Peeta asks.

Haymitch shakes his head, "I don't know anymore."

**Peeta POV**

The night we leave from District 11 is the night that the night terrors start for her again. I don't know if it's triggered from the execution we witnessed earlier in the day or simply because it's about that time of year that it always starts. I'm not sure if it matters. I'm in my own room on the train and I can hear her screaming in hers from across the hall. After staying awake and listening to it for what feels like an eternity I can't bare it anymore. I just can't find it within myself to condemn her to suffering through her night terrors alone, no matter how angry I am with her.

I sneak across the room and into hers. I find her thrashing and sweating and moaning. I pull a chair up next to the head of her bed and wake her a bit; just enough for her to realize that I'm here for her and then I stroke her hair away from her face the way I always have before. She looks at me gratefully and takes my hand in her own, I let her but I don't say anything to her the way I would have before, and after a few minutes she manages to drift back to sleep. It's so similar to how we used to be that I feel like a kid again, protecting her the only way I knew how - by just being there for her and it seems to be enough.

I'm struck suddenly with the realization of just how young we actually are. We'll both only be turning seventeen in a few months. Since we were reaped in the summer and retuned I've felt so much older. All the problems we've had to face are those that experienced adults would have a hard time dealing with. This past year I've come to think of myself as a man, but really, in most ways I'm not yet.

I sigh as I look at Katniss' face. I love her so much but I'm hurt so bad. We're kids making all these grown up decisions like marriage, we've rushed into things, but it's because we both know what it's like to face the option of a lifetime without the other. I don't want that, I don't want to live out my life without Katniss in it. I fall asleep in the chair beside her bed, but wake before dawn and I carefully remove my hand from hers, careful not to disturb her sleep. I then tip toe out of her room and close the door softly behind me, when I turn to go into my own room I find myself face to face with Haymitch.

"Why do you torture yourself?" He asks me. "We all heard your fight; I don't blame you for being angry with her. She loves you both." Haymitch says with a shrug of his shoulders as if hearing someone else say it is any less hurtful. I just look away hoping that he moves on to his own room and leaves me alone. "Just forget about her. That's what Snow wants anyway right?" Haymitch says and then takes a drink from his flask.

I look at him angrily, "I can't forget about Katniss. She's everything to me." I say in an angry whisper.

Haymitch just smiles at me cynically. "So you're going to forgive her, or let her have you both? Him in District 12 and you in the Capital?"

"I can't have her either way, Snow's orders remember?" I say.

Haymitch pats me on the shoulder as he walks passed me, "There's a way…if you think she's worth it, if you believe that she loves you enough."

**Haymitch POV**

Kids, moody teenage kids who think the world revolves around them. I watch them for over a week, as we go from Districts 11, 10, 9, and 8. Both sulking, stealing depressed longing glances at each other. Katniss is a kid, Peeta is a kid, and how can they be in love with each other so much and not know it?

Snow has messed with them enough, he was lucky to have managed to get video of the girl kissing that Hawthorne kid. That'll never happen again, I can see it.

Its early morning and I haven't been to sleep in hours; we'll be pulling into District 7 in a few hours. Katniss is up before Peeta and she comes walking to breakfast looking like she has the whole weight of the world on her shoulders. She gets some food and puts it on a plate and for a few minutes just looks at it. "What happened? Did you forget about all the starving children in Twelve? Since this tour started I've seen you two waste food like you've lived your whole life in the Capital." I comment. She scowls but barely looks up at me. I notice she's lost a lot of weight, she hasn't been eating, and the boy hasn't been making sure that she eats like I know he would if he wasn't so angry with her.

"So you made a mistake, you broke his heart. But now you can let him go and be with Hawthorne the way you want right? That's what that kiss was wasn't it? Realizing your true feelings for that boy?" I ask, I notice a blur of blond hair jump back in the hallway as if he was about to enter the room but decided to wait to see how this conversation plays out.

"I don't want to be with Gale, it's always been me and Peeta." Katniss says in a sulky voice. "I was just…surprised."

"Looked like you enjoyed it well enough to me." I say. "It's not a big deal, not everyone's life turns out how they expect it." I say in a serious tone.

She looks at me with worried eyes, "I already had my life the way I expected it, the way I wanted it, and I lost it because I was stupid."

I nod my head, "Yeah, but you're just a teenager. You're allowed to do something stupid once in a while."

"Not this, Peeta is right to be so upset. I tried to explain myself but I just dug myself in deeper, he's always known the right thing to say or do, not me. It was unforgiveable what I did, maybe less so if I had just told him when it happened, but I knew this could tear us apart so I didn't. I thought it would all just go away." She admits.

I sit there and let her think her thoughts through for a minute before I take a bit of a muffin and ask "Was that really the only time?"

"Yes." She answers immediately. "I did think I could keep them both. I went to the forest the next Sunday to explain everything to Gale, that I chose Peeta a long time ago, I'd never even thought of Gale that way before the kiss and that I didn't really think of him that way after it either, but he just acted like nothing happened. So I did the same and assumed I had my hunting partner back and that I didn't have to admit what happened."

"And what happened?" I ask for clarification. I know the boy will let her say her answers if she admits them to me, and I know he needs to hear this.

"I realized that Peeta was right, I could live without him. In the Games, I was so convinced that I needed Peeta to survive, but I realized that I could do it on my own and that he could survive without me. Gale scared me, I didn't think that I could ever possibly have feelings for anyone else, but in that moment, I could see my future with Gale, if I wanted it. I realized that I had a choice; mostly it exhilarated me to think that I could be free if I wanted to, that I could choose another path…that I had options I hadn't ever considered before. Then the more I thought about it the more I realized that no matter how I picture my future I don't see one without Peeta, I choose to be with Peeta because I love him and want him, not because he is essential to my happiness or survival." As she explains this with a hard look of determination in her eyes that I have to admit is admirable. It's not hard to see why Snow would be afraid of these two young and determined kids who can't even begin to understand the concept of what revolution would entail. Most of the adults don't even know what this would mean, and there are few elders alive anymore who can even remember the dark days, even if they are alive to be able to tell the stories. "It doesn't make all this hurt any less. I still want to be with Peeta, not Gale, but Snow has made that impossible even if he ever does forgive me. It'll always be Peeta for me, even if he doesn't want me anymore."

I look from her to the hallway and back again before she notices, hoping that he heard all of this. "The Capital has a way of making plans for you, for making you forget that if you find something worth fighting for, you can have it."

I look at the time; I realize that I should have had more to drink than I already have by now. I fill my flask, put some vodka in my orange juice, I need to get really drunk really fast. Katniss watches me do this and she looks at me as if I'm crazy. I just lift my glass to her as if toasting and head to my bedroom, the boy has made himself scarce and isn't in the hallway anymore. I sit in my room and drink to the point that I'm still able to function, but appear drunk enough for everyone to not want to come near me. After about an hour I can feel the train begin to stop and I head into the main room where one of the Avox's that I recognize gives a slight nod and I know this is my stop. I head for the door and the train attendant tells me that we've stopped for maintenance and should be delayed an hour. I curse at him and as he attempts to get me back on board the train I vomit all over him. He's upset and I tell him to leave me alone, that I'm just going for a walk to get some air. The attendant is so grossed out he goes back on the train without a second glance at me. I stumble far away from the train, I take in big gulps of air trying to sober up as quickly as I can, and then I dash as well as I can into the forest of District 7. After about ten minutes of stumbling around I find the rendezvous point, a clearing wide enough for the hovercraft and I find Plutarch Havensbee waiting for me.

"How are our Star Crossed Lovers doing? Any improvement?" He asks me without a greeting or introduction, we have very limited time.

"Yeah, they can't hold out much longer, they'll be back together soon." I say.

Plutarch is practically jumping for joy. His father was one of the candidates for President when Plutarch was just a child, Snow poisoned him and Plutarch has been itching to bring down Snow and his regime in the most humiliating way possible for years. We didn't know who it would be to lead us down the path of revolution, but when Peeta volunteered to go into the Games with Katniss it certainly caught the attention of the revolutionists. It was solidified when Katniss caught the attention and sympathy of the nation, we couldn't have planned it better ourselves. We thought our symbols that we'd been planning our uprising around were done for when Snow presented Plutarch with the video of Katniss with Gale and demanded the release of it at once, so he could remind everyone in Panem that Katniss and Peeta were nothing more than average, over dramatic teenagers. Plutarch managed to convince Snow to wait until just before the Victory Tour, stating that more people would see the damage that had been caused between them from the break up first hand, in person; they would know that it was real. Really, this was meant to buy us time to find a way to destroy the video. Then we realized that this could be another gift to the rebellion. We could use Katniss and Peeta to represent the manipulation of the Capital again, show them how the Capital will build them up just to bring them down. This break up isn't just between two teenaged lovers; it's a symbol of how the Capital tries to destroy relationships and how it's in the Capital's best interest that we are a separate unit, both within the Districts own classes of poor and merchant, and the Districts themselves.

"Johanna's on board." Plutarch says.

I nod my head and turn to head back to the train, but then I have a thought. "You're sure she knows what to do? She's not going to make it worse?" I ask. Plutarch shrugs his shoulders.

"It's Johanna." Plutarch says with a shrug as if that will explain everything.

**Katniss POV**

I've decided that I'm going to stop with this snivelling girl routine. I forgot who I am, and I'm stronger than this, I'm done with sulking and waiting for Peeta to come to me. Yes, I'm guilty of kissing Gale and not preventing it from happening, but Peeta and I going to be stuck on this train together for a while longer and I'm determined to make every second count. If we get back and he wants to move out of our home in the Victor's Village a piece of me will die a little, but I'm determined to not let that happen or to survive in spite of it. Before any of that happens I'm going to fight for Peeta. I'm all dressed and Cinna and the prep team let me go, see down the hall that Peeta enters his room and I decide that this is my chance. We'll be arriving in District 7 within the hour and I'm sure Effie will be rushing us from event to event. The train has already been delayed for more than an hour after Haymitch got drunkenly lost in the forest just as we entered the District and stopped for fuel and maintenance.

I walk quickly down the hall and open the door to Peeta's room without knocking and close it behind me. I almost lose my nerve until I notice that for the first time since we've been on this train Peeta doesn't look at me with pain or anger, I'm dressed in a fashionable green dress that isn't too casual or formal, he's dressed in slacks and a shirt that looks like it was meant to match my dress. Before I lose my nerve completely I run to him and hug him, I bury my face in his shirt and I feel relief when he puts his arms around me. "I'm sorry." I begin and look up into his breathtaking blue eyes so that he can see the truth in what I'm about to say. "I'm not going to say anything stupid this time, just know that I'm so sorry but if it happened again I wouldn't take it back. It made me realize that more than anything, no one can compare to you, and I'm yours completely. I realized I had a choice to make and I will choose you every time, always. And not because I have to, but because I love you." I say. "I know you love me too, I know you sneak into my room every night and comfort me. You don't have to do that, but you do it because you love me too, please, now it's your choice. You need to decide if you can forgive what I did, and if you can forgive that I was foolish enough to need that kiss as a reminder of just how much you mean to me."

Peeta takes a deep breath before saying, "All this," and then he indicates to the room, or maybe he means the Capital in general. "Has a way of making you forget what is real. My pain is real, and I know that you are hurting too, but I still need more time. We can work on that." He says with a smile.

I smile back at him, and we leave his room together and have a real conversation like we haven't had since we left District 12. He's trying to forgive me, and I'm so happy for it, we fall in to an easy conversation and are laughing until we reach District 7.

We still aren't at 'couple' status, but it has to be obvious to the cameras that we are in better spirits then we have been. We deliver Effie's prepared speeches perfectly, when we leave the stage and shed our winter jackets I'm still in a very good mood until I see Johanna Mason. She's the only living female Victor District 7 has, and she's practically the same age as us after winning the 71st Hunger Games. It almost looks set up, she's wearing a green dress as well, her hair is long like mine and worn down and she's a few inches taller than I am. My mood deflates as we are all introduced to Johanna and it's immediately obvious that she's been looking forward to Peeta's arrival. She insists on sitting next to him at dinner and over the course of the night she finds ample opportunity to engage him in a private conversation or two, there are even a few times where I'm stuck talking to Haymitch, it's as if he's holding me up on purpose and I lose track of Peeta and Johanna, I don't even know where they went to.

As the night goes on a snow storm develops and we are told that we are going to be held up in District 7 for the night and may not even be able to leave District 7 in the morning. The party that was being held at the mayor's home has dwindled down to just a few guests as everyone is trying to get home before the storm. Effie and Haymitch escort me back to the train, as soon as I board head to Peeta's room to find he's not there, I check mine and then head back to the main car where Effie and Haymitch seem to be getting ready to head to their own respective cars for the night. "Where's Peeta?" I ask.

"Well, I suppose he's still out with Johanna." Effie says casually and then looks at her watch as if she too is annoyed. "I certainly hope that she returns him at a respectful hour. Who knows what they're up to?"

Haymitch gives a half drunken snort. "It's Johanna."

Effie gives him an exasperated look. "That's what I'm afraid of Haymitch." She snaps.

I don't want to think of what they are hinting is happening between Peeta and Johanna; I sit down and intend to wait for Peeta to get back. Effie and Haymitch continue to argue, but at least they leave the train car and leave me in peace. After a few minutes the television automatically turns itself on and presents its headlines and highlights from tonight's celebration in District 7. I sit here and watch as tonight's broadcast suggests Peeta has been mending his heart with the help of Johanna Mason; there are images of them dancing together and getting caught sneaking off to be alone. I'm fuming on the inside; I don't know why I'm torturing myself by watching this.

I don't even realize I fell asleep there in the train car until Peeta wakes me up. He sits beside me on the couch. I sit up, and we are silent for a moment while we both watch the broadcast of tonight's events. "I forgive you." He says to me simply. We watch for a few more minutes in silence, I don't really know what to say anyway. "I understand what all that meant for you and why you didn't stop that from happening. You've lost so many people in your life; you weren't willing to risk losing someone else, especially a friend like Gale." He looks at me, "If you want to choose him, you won't lose me. I'll be whatever you need me to be in your life, but I'll always be there for you. That's what I fought for so hard in our Games, to make sure that you got to live your life the way you were supposed to, and if you decide that it's not with me, then I'll learn to live with it."

I lean over and kiss him passionately, he doesn't push me away, he only pulls me closer to him. "I've been dying all week knowing how much I've hurt you Peeta. I didn't accept your proposal just because I felt guilty, in fact, I forgot all about that kiss. I love you; I want you in every way possible for the rest of our lives." I say when I pull away from the kiss.

"Snow won't let that happen." Peeta reminds me.

Haymitch comes stumbling into the room just then. He looks at us, "Making up?" he questions. Peeta and I jump away from each other, realizing that we are still in quite a passionate embrace. It only makes Haymitch laugh. "You two had better be sure that you're serious about this." He looks specifically to Peeta.

Peeta glances at me, "I let her kiss me." Peeta confesses guiltily. "I'm surprised it's not showing on the news already, but it happened. I was hurt, and I guess I did want to even the score between us, but in the end, it was awful and I just wished I could take it back. I'm sorry." I'm surprised, and angry, but I realize that I just want to forget that the whole thing ever happened; I want to get this chapter of our lives out of the way as soon as possible.

"We're serious, how can we still stay together?" I ask Haymitch.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N - Sorry for the delay in update but while I was writing this chapter I had to stop and write a totally super awesome one-shot which will probably turn into a two parter that runs off of this story and everything comes together for the end of this chapter. It's called Eclipsed (got writer's block for a title, so yeah...the title sucks but the story is really good I promise). It's this whole story basically but what is going on with Madge while everything is happening to Katniss and Peeta. Please read, it's not necessary to read for this one to make sense, but it will be fun!

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**Katniss POV**

Over the next few weeks it's Star Crossed Lovers overload. I don't know what Snow was thinking when he thought that for some reason Peeta and I being together has a direct impact on the mood of the nation, but he seems to have been thinking right. Maybe he had a plan after all; maybe he knew we'd have to be together in spite of his demand. Either way, when we being to roll into District after District people cheer when they see that we've overcome our relationship problems. Or maybe it's the speeches; I notice more and more that they seem to put the blame on the Capital media in some way. There's always a line or two that aside from praising the Capital and the need for the Games seems to be a direct contradiction of the line before or after it. But after District 11 I've learned to stick to the script.

It's me who suggests that we have a wedding for the Capital. We're worried about what could await us in the Capital when we do come face to face with Snow, so I suggest Peeta propose before we have to face Snow. He'll be forced to congratulate us, we're his creation after all, and we decide to do it when we are actually in the Capital, our last stop before we go home for the final celebration in District 12.

Despite our over the top kissing and regular Star Crossed Lovers routine Peeta and I are still building our relationship with each other back up, we both still have some forgiving to do, it's hard to let go after something like this happens. It doesn't help that I realize that the day we are due in District 1 is the day of the anniversary of my father's death, a day the year before I had made such progress with Peeta's help. Instead of being catatonic in bed all day, we visited his grave together and I only spent it in a mildly severe weeping depression. This year, I won't have that luxury, I'll have to force myself to put on my mask for the cameras, and face the families of the two tributes that I killed; Glimmer with the tracker jacker nest, and Marvel with my arrow after he killed Rue.

The first night that Peeta actually spends in my bed since he found out about the kiss between me and Gale is the night we spend traveling from District 2 to District 1. Normally we found that the best way to exhaust ourselves and trick our bodies into allowing us to rest without waking from nightmares has been to make passionate crazy love, but somehow Peeta makes this first night back together seem more intimate than some of those nights together. We spend time just holding hands, chaste kisses, and remembering our favourite things that happened to us growing up.

I recall the first time Graham tried to teach me to bake the cheese buns I love so much but they ended up exploding because I used too much of the rising ingredient. We all thought the oven exploded and we couldn't figure out what happened until Mrs. Mellark tasted the remnants of buns and the only thing she could taste was that one ingredient. I was supposed to put in two tablespoons but I added two cups instead. I blamed Graham's sloppy handwriting, but in any case that was my last ever attempt at baking anything in the Mellark bakery.

I try to remember Peeta's laugh as I stand in front of all of District 1, the people here are so much more different than any other District. They seem to almost openly hate Peeta and I, but they are not alone. District 2 was the same, probably because their two tributes were killed by Peeta's own hands. He had a hard time of it as well when we were there, but like everything else we get through it together. We sneak off during the parties, the news reports that we are making up for lost time, stealing every opportunity that we can to kiss and make up. Really we each need to take a time out from time to time to calm our nerves and stop hyperventilating. When we finally do make it back to the Capital we have our interview with Caesar Flickerman, it's during this interview that Peeta publicly and rather sweetly proposes to me, it makes the live audience go crazy and Caesar is acting just as excited as if he is the one being proposed to.

"Katniss, these past few weeks have been hell, but more than anything it has shown me that you are worth fighting for and with." He says this part and gives a wink to the audience which earns him some laughs. "You make things better, you give me hope, and you are a constant reminder that we can raise ourselves above any hardship that may be in our future, and if our past is any indication there will be many. But I want to face them all by your side, I know that we can survive anything together, please allow me to devote my life to you." I shed my tears of joy for the audience. I really am getting good at acting for the Capital. I look down at Peeta, he's down on one knee as is the custom for the Capital and presents me with a large ring that surely comes from District 1 and I quickly accept and he stands and we hug as the crowd around us roars their excited approval. In our embrace our heads are close together and I only need to turn my head slightly so I can whisper into his ear so, I'm hoping that the cameras or microphones won't pick up my words, "You are the only person that I will love this way for my whole life. The only reason for me to keep surviving is if you are by my side. Remember that I am yours alone, always." He pulls away and looks at me, our eyes clash, each filled with love for one another. Peeta kisses me, I'm sure the crowd roars, but I don't hear them. It's only Peeta and I in this moment, this kiss feels so real, like before I almost destroyed everything.

We leave the stage; Effie jumps up and down and takes me around to show everyone who is anyone me and my ring. The Capital is such a weird place, as soon as two people get engaged they separate them so they can look at the ring on the girls finger, like that's the only point of becoming engaged. What about the love? What about the two people who have decided to make this commitment to each other?

At the end of the night Peeta and I find each other again. It's not long before we are faced with the ultimate test of whether this worked or not. President Snow approaches us. "Ah, Mr. Mellark and Miss Everdeen. Please allow me to be the one to congratulate you both on this happy occasion. It's so nice to see two people as devoted to each other as you decide to go through the rest of your lives together." And even though he's smiling I can see the anger in his eyes.

I glance to Peeta and he knows this game. He smiles kindly to the president and says, "Thank-you sir. Katniss and I just came through that rough patch and realized that we will always be together, no matter what. Not even the Hunger Games were able to keep us apart, so we figured that this would be something that we are determined to overcome as well. We have your blessing I hope?"

The cameras that I'm sure Peeta noticed approach us just as the president did get into position to catch President Snow's response. The President smiles in his snake like way and says, "Of course, we'll throw you a wedding like the Capital has never seen before. You are after all, a one of a kind set of Victors. There will never again be another set as devoted to each other as you both." He raises a glass and everyone at the party does as well and cheers in our honour.

Peeta kisses my temple and quickly whispers "I think we're in the clear."

It's not until the cameras are off of us and we make our move to escape the President's presence that we are aware that anything is wrong. "Before you go, Mr. Mellark. Please tell me who it was who wrote that wonderful proposal speech for you." We both stop in our tracks and turn back to look at the president. "I assume it was written for you, after all, not once did you mention how much you loved Katniss. You make it clear that she is essential to your survival, that you would fight for her, even that you can get through everything together, but nowhere in that entire proposal did either of you say the words 'I love you'." President Snow looks at us triumphantly. Snow pats Peeta on the shoulder as he walks past him, "Just remember to tell your writer to include that little sentiment next time. Wouldn't want people to read between the lines and think that was a speech promoting a rebellion or anything would we?"

We spend the rest of the night walking on eggshells until we get back to the train that will take us back home to District 12. This train is thankfully running on time and we hurry to my room. Peeta opens the night stand and takes out the cue cards that his proposal speech was written on. I look over his shoulder and we read them together. "Oh no he's right." Peeta says defeatedly. The whole thing reads as a rebellion speech.

"Do you think he did this on purpose?" I ask.

"I don't know, it was supposed to be Haymitch and Effie who wrote this stuff. I did think that when I was practicing that this isn't nearly as sugar coated as I expected from her, but I don't know. I didn't think it was that bad when I read it." Peeta admits. He's frustrated so he throws the cards on the floor and lies on his back on the bed. "I should have let you read it first." He slams his fist down on the bed, "I should have known, clued in, I'm so stupid."

"No Peeta, you're not. I wouldn't have seen through this anymore than you did. And you heard Snow, he knows it was written for you, maybe that counts for something right?" I say trying to cheer him up. I lie down next to him and snuggle into his side. "We did tell ourselves to stick to the cards and not improvise anymore after what happened in District 11." I let out a deep sigh, "We need to learn how to find a happy medium between improvising and reading like a robot."

This makes Peeta laugh and I run my hands through his hair the way he likes. "Katniss?"

"Peeta?" I say his name like a question the way he just did to me.

"I love you." He says seriously. I look at him and he continues, "With everything that I am, everything that I ever was. Everything in this world is nothing without you. You will always be the only person in this world for me, even in the face of death I will fight to keep you, because if you're gone, I'll will be too because you hold every part of me in your heart. You are the keeper of my soul; you are my home, always."

A tear rolls down my cheek; he just quoted every line that he said to me as we toasted our bread for all of our family to see. Those are the words he bound himself to me with.

"I love you," I begin my own lines, "My hope and my light, my reason to fight for life. You keep me going when my world doesn't have reason to; you are the spark that shows me the kindness in life that is worth living for and that we are only just getting started. You are my reminder that as long as we have each other I have a purpose, that there is so much more to experience in this life together."

We take each other's hands and Peeta kisses them, and then I do the same. We share the deepest real kiss we've had since before Peeta found out about the kiss with Gale. The kiss leads to that hunger for each other and we let it consume us both, and so here in the same room where we first allowed ourselves to give in to it, we find ourselves making love again for the first time in a way. This is the first time we allow ourselves to make love to each other in weeks; Peeta takes his time with me. As if he is relearning how to make my body come alive with his touches, his kisses. It's ecstasy for me over and over again.

We sleep late into the day, I really don't want to have to leave the train to face anther celebration, even if it is in our own District 12, but we are part of the Game, and so we have to fulfill our obligations.

When the train approaches the station it's a blizzard out. It's so bad that they don't make our arrival a mandatory event, and instead we are taken directly to the Mayor's home. We are the first to arrive and we don't see a point in waiting in the car, not when we are so close to Madge and I'm so looking forward to seeing her. When we get to the door the wind and snow is whooshing around us. I knock and I'm surprised when Madge answers the door fully dressed in her winter gear, she points behind me and I understand that she wants us to talk outside for a moment. Peeta and I turn around and she leads the way a significant distance from her house. When she finally stops she has to yell to us to be heard above the wind.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you before you left!" As Madge yells Gale walks out from behind me and Peeta. "I felt so awful, seeing you both so miserable. There was no way for me to get a message to you, but I just knew you both would pull through it!"

"What? What couldn't you tell us?" I yell to Madge.

"What is he doing here?" Peeta says pointing to Gale with a mitten covered hand.

"Gale and I, we're together!" Madge yells.

"What?" I ask.

"Together! Gale and I, we're together!" Madge yells again.

I look at them both and Gale puts his arm around Madge. I can see the smile in both of their eyes, but their mouths are covered with scarves. "Since when?" I yell back.

They look at each other and shrug their shoulders, "Since before your toasting!" Madge yells.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Peeta asks.

"I was going to tell you, but you were busy trying to punch my face in." Gale yells sarcastically.

Madge hits him playfully with the back of her gloved hand, "Haymitch told us not to until you got back from the Victory Tour!" Madge yells.

"So it's ok for us to know now?" Peeta yells his question. They shrug their shoulders and nod their heads. "Then why are we out here? Let's go inside." Peeta says.

"No!" Madge yells.

"It's safe to know about us being together, we can probably just say that it kind of happened while you guys were gone. You're supposed to be engaged now anyway, but if you have any questions about the rebellion you need to ask us out here. It's not safe to ask in the house, it's the mayor's house." Gale says. "That place has so many listening devices in there its crazy!"

"The rebellion? What does that have to do with all this?" I ask.

"Haymitch knew weeks ago that the kiss was going to be broadcast; Snow's intention the whole time was to break you two up because he thought that would stop the uprisings in the districts. He managed to get the release pushed back to line up with the Victory Tour so that the people could see that the Capital was trying to manipulate you." Madge explains.

"Manipulating us? How is this not manipulating us? The rebellion? They are responsible for all of this. Why couldn't they just ask us to go along with all this, why put us through all this hell? I went through weeks of torture, I was miserable! Katniss was miserable! They have us delivering rebellion speeches when we don't even realize it! We are the ones putting our lives on the line and they don't even have the decency to include us in their plans?" Peeta yells angrily. I have to admit, I'm angry as well.

"Do you know how long I cried? How bad I felt? This tore us apart!" I yell.

"Yeah that sucks, but Catnip, why didn't you tell him when it happened? I assumed you did until the guy came at me with a right hook to my face! I told Madge!" Gale points out.

"Yeah Katniss, you told me you were going to tell him!" Madge agrees with Gale.

I look at Peeta and he's looking at me with a disbelieving look on his face. "I'm sorry!" Is all I can say to him. "Yeah, I should have told you, I've learned my lesson, ok?"

"I didn't really kiss Johanna!" He yells to me.

"What?" I yell back surprised.

"We just hung out; she said it would be a good idea to make you jealous for once. She told me to tell you that we did, although she offered to do that and more if I was really interested in getting revenge on you." Peeta shrugs his shoulders. "There, we both lied; next time when we get married in the Capital we'll put something in our vows about always telling the truth, really I just want to go inside and get warm, please! I'm begging you, let us go inside!"


	19. Chapter 19

The blizzard lasted two days after we arrived home. Things are not good in our District. I'm sure that Snow knows that we are just some kind of puppets in this thing, something that Peeta and I aren't even really sure is happening, or how, or by who. We've been busy since being back, too busy to be able to stop and try to figure out what is going on. We had that one night, that one blissful disasterous dinner at the Mayor's home to be able to enjoy ourselves.

Before we made it back into the Mayor Undersee's home from our private discussion with Madge and Gale where really only one thing was revealed to us the cars pulled up and Peeta confronted Haymitch. He accused him of using us for his own agenda, and that if we are going to be played like that, the very least Haymitch owes is us some kind of truth, or explanation, or hint at what is going on here because so far we have been the only ones to put our lives on the line, the ones who have lost something and ourselves to this agenda that we aren't even sure we want to be a part of. Haymitch only said "This right here, you right now and how you are handling this situation is exactly why you two aren't allowed to make the plans." I'm just as frustrated as Peeta and I'm not sure if Haymitch made any sense at all or if he was just drinking too much before he got there for us to hope that we were supposed to understand what that meant, but in any case, we aren't speaking to Haymitch except to feed him, and the only reason we are doing that is so that maybe we have a hope at getting some information from him in the future.

My prep team took one look at my hair when they arrived at the mayor's home and whisked me away to a spare room on the second floor so they could fix it. When I left I was walking to Madge's room and passed by Mayor Undersee's office. The door was ajar so and I overheard the alert and I just couldn't stop my curious self from looking in and seeing what was surely footage of an uprising in another district. I watched for as long as I dared and when I looked over my shoulder Madge was standing with me watching. I opened my mouth to apologize for being somewhere I shouldn't have been but she held her finger to her lips to signal that I should stay quiet, we watched for another minute until we heard footsteps coming up the stairs and exited the room as quickly as we could and hoped that Madge's father hadn't seen where we just were. Madge covered it quickly by complimenting my hair and the mayor smiled at us and entered his office and closed the door tightly behind him. I again tried to talk to Madge about it but she silenced me again and while talking about how happy she was that Peeta and I managed to resolve our difficulties recently she was making signals with her hands that indicated that we could be being listened to and not to talk about what we just saw on the mayor's private television. Later she handed me a message that Peeta read with me and she watched us as we read the words _I will find a safe place for us to talk, do not let on that you know anything.__Your house is not safe, the Mellark bakery is not safe, the woods nearest to the district are not safe, only open areas where they cannot attach a listening device _and immediately when I finished she took the paper from me and threw it into the fireplace that was burning in the sitting room.

Peeta and I have had enough to think about these days to keep our minds elsewhere. President Snow may have allowed the citizens of District 12 to say home and not meet us at the train platform so that the citizens of Panem didn't have to see how dire it is in the District right now, because if there is one way to see how bad things have gotten in the month that we were gone it's through the people. People are starving again, thankfully winter is almost over but people were waiting for our precious Parcel Day that was due the morning after we arrived back in the District, but whether intentional or not I don't know for sure but the food arrived spoiled and infested with bugs.

Peeta went into overdrive; he and his brothers went to the bakery and started baking bread, as much as they could and started to give it away for free. They halted all production of any desserts, just anything that would help these starving families survive the weeks to come. I'm determined to be just as helpful. I run out of the bakery and under the fence and into those precious woods. I'm hoping that there is a deer or something out here that is just as hungry as the people and will be careless enough to walk across my path. I know if I can get something I can give it to Greasy Sae and use my coins to buy whatever she cooks and give it away for free to as many people as I can. I can't feed the whole District on my own, but I can try my best.

I'm lucky today, this actually happens. After hours of sitting in a tree a large stag comes walking in range and I manage to take it out on my own. It's the largest thing I've ever brought down on my own and I can't believe my good luck, this will feed so many people. Then I realize a problem, I could never hope to bring this home on my own, the animal is bigger than I am and although this was my plan, I didn't actually think that it would happen.

"How are you going to get that home Catnip?" Gale asks startling me. I forget how quietly he can walk sometimes. I smile relieved that I have some help, he already has a few small animals on his belt, one of which is a wild turkey. His snares have worked well for him today. We decide that between the two of us we have enough sacks that if I can butcher this animal properly, the way Rooba taught be when I was younger that we can carry the meat home.

"So, you and Madge, huh?" I ask as casually as I can while I begin the process of cutting the animal and giving Gale a teasing smile.

Gale shakes his head and rolls his eyes at me, "Yes, me and Madge."

"So, how did this happen?" I ask.

He shrugs his shoulders and gets a faraway look in his eyes. "How did it happen for you and Mellark?"

I smile, "It didn't happen, it just always was." I say simply with a shrug. "You never told me about Madge, you never talked about her, I had no idea."

"You never told me about Mellark." Gale points out.

"That's different." I say.

"How?" He challenges.

"Peeta and I are public property. Everyone watched those Games; it's obvious how much we love each other." Then I look at him out of the corner of my eye, "Besides, I know I told you at least once."

"What!" He exclaims and thinks for a moment, "No, I would have remembered that."

"New year, before I was reaped, when Peeta gave you a box of cookies for Rory, Vick and Posy. I know you watched Peeta and I share that bowl of stew at Sae's. Peeta may not know how significant that was, but we're Seam, I know you know what that meant." I challenge him, referring to the custom that sharing food with someone in the Seam in public is as good as declaring your love for someone. "I'm not good at talking about this stuff, and I knew something may have been changing between us and I didn't want it to. I knew he would do something like that if we happened to meet at Sae's, I know you saw. I thought you would get the hint."

Gale rolls his eyes at me again, "Yeah, well I guess I'm not too good at reading girls." Then Gale kind of sighs and looks at the ground. "I guess I realized that I was fighting for the wrong girl. Madge crept up on me, I didn't even realize I had a chance with her and then I realized that I didn't want to miss it. I'm lucky she's patient." Gale's confession makes me smile.

"I'm happy you found each other Gale, even if it took you a while to realize it was her all along." I say to him.

"Thanks. Madge does make me happy." Gale replies, and we're silent for the rest of the time that I am working, I'm getting cold so I make quick work of butchering the deer. I'll have to remember to thank Mr. Mellark again for having the foresight to arrange for me to have lessons with Rooba the butcher.

It's not a long walk back into the District once I'm finished. When we approach the fence I can see Peeta waiting for me on the other side. When he sees us both Peeta smiles and waves, he gives me a hand once I'm on the other side of the fence. He and Gale stand face to face, I suddenly realize that this is their first confrontation with each other since Peeta and Gale got into that fight before we left for the Victory Tour. Peeta holds his hand out as if to shake hands with Gale, Gale accepts, "I'm sorry, for what happened last time we ran into each other." Peeta apologizes.

Gale shrugs his shoulders, "I would have done the same."

I release the breath that I was holding, Gale hands the game bags to Peeta, and we walk for a while until our patch splits up, Gale heading to the Seam and Peeta and I heading to the Hob but on our way there Haymitch intercepts us. He takes one look at our Game bags and seems to panic; he begins to block our path and pushes us back in the direction of the Victor's Village. "There are new Peacekeepers in the District, strict ones. Don't let them see that." He says indicating the fresh meat that is in my Game bags.

"No, I need to get this to the Hob; Sae is going to make it into a stew for as many people as she can." I say.

"There is no more Hob, that's the first place they went." Haymitch says. I look to the direction of the Hob and see that Haymitch may be right; there is a cloud of dark black smoke coming from the direction of the Hob. Peeta takes the sacks of meat from me and quickly hides them in a nearby snowbank, he covers them until no one would know that they are there, then he looks at me and picks up handfuls of snow and begins to wipe away the blood that is on my hands and clothing the best he can. "What are you doing? Go back to your home!" Haymitch yells at us.

Peeta turns to Haymitch and gives him a steely stare, "Our family is in town, our friends, you can go home, hide. We need to make sure that our people are safe." Peeta looks at me, I give him a firm nod of agreement and then we run in the direction of town. When we get there we see Haymitch was right, there are Peacekeepers everywhere, Peacekeeper vehicles, we head straight for the Hob and it's chaotic. For a while we help the people as best we can, kids that are separated from their parents we stay with them until a panicked parent spots us with their child and thanks us for staying with them. We head to the bakery feeling slightly helpless, we find Mr. and Mrs. Mellark, Rye, and even Graham and Tule. It puts our hearts at ease to know our family is safe, but we are still worried. We go back out side to try to help again, but this time we find that the streets are eerily quiet.

"Why do you think they are here? It can't be because of us can it?" I ask Peeta.

"Could be, I know Snow wasn't happy that we outsmarted him again, this could be our warning." Peeta replies. "What's that?" Peeta raises his chin to listen to the sound echoing through the air. I hear it too, a whistling, an impact, the intake of breath from a crowd.

We rush toward the sound, the look on Peeta's face worries me. I can't even guess at what the noise could be, but whatever it is it means something bad to him. When we get to the town square, which is only around the corner from where we were standing Peeta steps on a crate that is against the wall of the Sweetshop and is giving me a hand up as well, when I'm halfway up he suddenly blocks my way, "Get down, get out of here!" He whispers his voice is harsh with insistence.

"What?" I ask trying to force my way back up.

"Go home Katniss, I'll be there in a minute. I swear!" He promises. His tone immediately sends chills up my spine, whatever he saw is terrible and I immediately begin to push my way through the crowd which suddenly seems angry at us. People are telling us to get out of here, insisting that we'll make whatever is happening worse. When I get to the front of the crowd I see Gale's wrists are bound to a wooden post that I've never seen used in my lifetime. I remember my mother telling me once when I asked when I was very little that it was used by the Peacekeepers, but I she wouldn't tell me what for exactly and now I know. I know this is meant for me to see. The wild turkey Gale shot earlier hangs above him, the nail driven through its neck. The pieces of the picture of what I am seeing comes together as the Peacekeeper brings down his whip on Gale's naked back which now resembles a raw, bloody slab of meat.

I know what this is, it's a message from Snow, and Gale is dispensable now that Peeta and I are officially engaged. He may have been protected before through his piece as part of our Game, but now that I have publicly declared my preference for Peeta and devoted myself to him, Gale's position as friend only brings no protection. I see the new Peacekeeper who wears the head Peacekeeper's uniform but is not old Cray begins to wind up for a new lashing, I have to stop it.

"No!" I cry and run to put myself between the whip and Gale, I've spread my arms to protect as much of Gale as I can so there is nothing to deflect the full force of the lash from striking the left side of my face. The pain is blinding and instantaneous, I cover my face with my hand and watch in horror as Peeta runs at the Peacekeeper, "No, Peeta!" I cry out.

"Hold it!" A voice barks. Haymitch appears and trips over a Peacekeeper lying on the ground, I recognize him as Darius; he must have tried to come to Gale's rescue before I got here. Peeta stops mid run, Haymitch walks over to me and he starts an argument with the Peacekeeper, making up a story about me modeling wedding dresses next week. The Peacekeeper looks at me and I know he now recognizes me for who I am, especially when Peeta comes and stands menacingly next to Haymitch and stares down the Peacekeeper. I may not be recognizable as the Victor Katniss Everdeen with this growing welt across my face, but Haymitch has been featured on television for years, and I know that in District 2 where the two tributes that Peeta killed with his owns hands come from and the headquarters for all Peacekeepers they are plenty familiar with him there.

Words are exchanged and I'm sure that we are the only three people in the District who are able to stand up to the Peacekeeper like this, I can see with my good eye Madge being held back by her father, waiting for us Haymitch to finish threatening to call the Capital on the new head Peacekeeper whose name we learn is Thread. Eventually he dismisses us, but threatens that if he catches Gale poaching again he'll me his end with the firing squad. As the crowd dissipates we buy a board that we roll Gale on to, "Where should we take him?" Peeta asks.

"To the apothecary." I say, Peeta and a few of Gale's friends from the mines begin to walk him there, Madge runs off in the direction of her home. I don't blame her, I remember seeing some of the injured people from around the Seam being brought to my mother when I was younger, I could never stand to see people in pain and with as gentle a person Madge is I don't want her to see what is about to happen. I run ahead and when I get to the apothecary I bang loudly on the door. An old man opens the door and I am assaulted by his familiar blue eyes, "Please, my friend has been whipped by the new Peacekeepers. I have money, I'll pay for any treatment, just please help him!" I stand aside and the old man looks passed me.

"Get the herbs, we need a snow coat!" The old man yells to his son who is old enough to be my father. Peeta and the coal miners bring Gale into the house, Gale moans and he is lowered onto the table. The apothecary owners being to move quickly.

"Are you ok?" Peeta comes and asks me as he wraps his arms around my shoulders. I nod my head yes, but I'm not sure if he is referring to my swollen cheek which is so bad it's preventing my eye from fully opening, or the fact that I'm even talking to the apothecary owners.

The old man is my grandfather, my grandmother died shortly after my mother ran away to the Seam to marry my father. The current owner is my uncle, but the old man still works. I don't talk to them because I'm not going to forgive the fact that they let Prim and I suffer when they heard that my mother wasn't coping with the death of my father. It took me months to realize that I even still had family in the District. I have cousins too, my Uncle and Aunt have four daughters, one of which is a year older than I am, and I remember that she was one of the kids who would call me Seam Trash when I was a kid. They avoid me, I avoid them. I figure they don't want a constant reminder of the family they cast away and I don't need them, I survived on my own with the help of Peeta and the Mellarks. Once in a while the old man lingers in the bakery, trying to start a conversation with me, I'm pleasant enough only because I don't want him to think I was raised as some kind of savage who can't be civil when I'm working the front counter at the bakery. It's my own form of rebellion against them, to show them that I am a happy well-adjusted individual who doesn't need to go looking to them for help or handouts. I also do need to sell those herbs and things that I get from the forest once in a while, but we keep things strictly business between me and the man who is supposed to be my uncle. The two youngest girls especially hate me because if it weren't for me they might have a chance to be with Rye, they are his age and I know they've had crushes on him for years but he won't have anything to do with them mostly because of me. If he truly did like them I wouldn't stop anything from happening, but all the same, I'm happy this is not the case and they think it's because of me.

Suddenly Madge comes barging into the apothecary holding a box; she gives it to my uncle and says it's morphling from her mother's own supply. Then she is at Gale's side, stroking his hair and whispering calming words to him, "He is lucky to have such good friends." My grandfather says to me as he walks up to me and Peeta and hands Peeta a pack of snow coat for my eye. Peeta gingerly applies it to my face; the old man probably knew I wouldn't accept it from him but that Peeta would. There are many people in this cramped space; it gets even more cramped when Gale's mother arrives. Haymitch suggests we leave and so we do.

We head home and what follows is two days of harsh blinding blizzard. We stay in our home for two days, expecting that nothing will have changed, but when we are able to emerge from our home we find the new head Peacekeeper has transformed our town square with a new whipping post and that he is putting it to use, he finds someone almost daily to punish for an offense that hasn't been enforced for so many years that people forgot it was even illegal. Thanks to the cold weather the deer meat that I collected was still able to be cooked and handed out to many citizens, we hand it out from the bakery to whoever brings their own bowls and send a fresh roll of bread with each bowl, those who come after we've run out of stew go home with a full loaf of bread. I wish I could do more.

Aside from being brave enough to come get a free meal it seems that people are generally afraid to be seen anywhere near Peeta and me. They avoid us in the streets and the bakery is deserted when we are there.

The day the crates with the wedding dresses that are approved by President Snow himself arrive is the day I can't stand to play by the rules anymore. Peeta and I already had our toasting; I don't want to dress up for the Capital. Peeta takes one look at me and knows I need my space, he doesn't stop me from going into the woods, and he doesn't come with me either.

That's the day I meet Bonnie and Twill from District 8. They tell me my Mockingjay has become the symbol for rebellion, it means they are on my side. I spend the day with them, learning all I can about what they know is going on in the other Districts; their revelation that they are on their way to District 13 and that they believe it still exists catches my attention in particular. I give them my sack of food I was going to distribute to some of the families in the Seam before I went home. I stay out much longer than I intend and I expect that Peeta may be waiting for me at the fence when I get back but he's not, not even footprints in the snow that says he's given up waiting, something's wrong. I'm so worried with what it could be I almost miss the buzzing of electricity humming through the fence. I look to the Victor's Village, at the path leading up to it. Someone is home; someone from town has been this way. I think of Gale's entrance to the forest and I know it's got more trees closer to the fence than this entrance; I may be able to find one close enough that I can climb it and jump over.

I run as fast as I can through the forest, not close enough to the fence that anyone would see my footprints. When I reach Gale's usual spot I find a tree not far off and climb it. I land hard, hurt my ankle and tailbone. I limp my way through the town, stop at the sweet shop and the fabric store and fill my bag quickly with items, then I stop by the bakery, I ask Rye if anyone has been here tonight, he says that some of the new peacekeepers have been hanging around, in and out buying things. I ask if they've been asking about me, keeping tabs on the place. He doesn't ask why in asking but he says he doesn't think anyone in particular has been watching the bakery. I painfully limp my way home. When I enter the house I call out cheerfully.

Peeta looks relieved greets me casually. He plays it so calm I almost think I've overreacted and I'm in all this pain for nothing until two Peacekeepers come walking from behind him. "We have company." He says.

I smile as if I'm not in the most excruciating pain and say, "Are they staying for dinner?" And give a light hearted laugh. Peeta laughs with me.

"Well Haymitch is," as I walk I hide the limp that my body begs for so that I can relieve myself of some of this pain, it's hard to walk normally. I enter the kitchen to find Haymitch is sitting at our dining room table as if waiting for a meal, "I'm not sure about these two. They say they are here with a special message from head peacekeeper Thread."

"Where have you been tonight Miss Everdeen?" The male peacekeeper asks.

"The easier question is where haven't I been?" I reply. Peeta walks over, wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me to him for a kiss, in glad he did, the kiss manages to make the Peacekeepers roll their eyes at each other, effectively ensuring they miss the grimace that comes across my face at the unintentional pain Peeta just caused, but he doesn't miss it. The question forms in his eyes but this isn't the time. He puts in his mask.

"Ok, what task kept you from me for so long? You know I can't stand it when you're gone." And we kiss obnoxiously again, Star Crossed Lovers style.

"Get a room." Haymitch grumbles. "You invited me to dinner, now you're going to make us all lose our appetites."

I look around the room as if I've forgotten there are other people here, "Yes, sorry you had a message?" I ask as I empty my game bag which is filled with candy and cloth. I don't miss the way the Peacekeepers keep careful watch of what is coming out of my bag; no doubt they were hoping for a weapon or some kind of animal that would confirm that I've been out hunting today. No doubt they've been waiting for me to sneak to the other side of the fence, but they've missed their chance to outright confront me since I've given no evidence that I've been anywhere but roaming the District all day.

"Head Peacekeeper Thread wanted us to let you know that the fence surrounding District 12 will have electricity 24 hours a day from now on." The female Peacekeeper relays the information. I thank her and without further orders she and the male Peacekeeper leave. As soon as they leave I openly limp and groan.

"What is it?" Peeta asks with concern in his eyes. Haymitch and Peeta help me to the living room and I tell them about my ankle and tailbone.

"I just knew I had to get home, I knew something was up." I say.

"I'll go to the apothecary; I'll bring someone back to help you." Peeta says as he heads for his jacket.

"No," Haymitch stops Peeta. "I think we should take Katniss to the apothecary. It'll be faster." Peeta and I look at one another, but Haymitch hurries us out the door. I start out using Peeta for support, but after a few minutes of me hobbling beside him he just picks me up and carries me bridal style toward the town.

"Something happened out there in the woods today?" Haymitch asks me. I tell him quickly about meeting Bonnie and Twill, I tell them about them believing in District 13 and that it could still exist.

Peeta carries me the whole way to the apothecary, stays by my side the whole time, and then carries me back home to the Victor's Village. I know things are serious because Haymitch is relatively sober by the time we make our way back home and is silently thinking the whole way. When we get home Peeta takes me upstairs to our bedroom, lays be gently in bed and brings me some dinner. When I'm finished he lets me lay my head on his chest and I listen to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. "Things are going to change again aren't they, and not for the better." I say ominously.

"Don't think that way." Peeta says, pushing me away from him lightly so that he can look deep into my eyes. "We've been through a lot and we've gotten through it every time. As long as we are together we will be ok." He assures me. "The Capital is planning a huge wedding for us, the entire nation is looking forward to it. We've survived everything that has ever come our way. We're still young, no one will expect us to have children right away so we have years before we have to face that obstacle, right now there is nothing that they can do to us. We've played the game and every time they've tried to thwart us we've found our way through it. This is our time now, they know there is nothing left that they can do to us anymore. The only thing we have to worry about is playing along with their game and living for each other. In a game where there are no winners, only survivors we have won. We get to live the rest of our lives with each other, we will never lose our will to live life like Haymitch has because we will always have each other, forever." Then his eyes shine brightly as he says, "All I've ever wanted my whole life was to grow old with you, and I will do that through thick and thin. We're done with the hard part, now all that's left for us is to live. I love you." He says with such meaning, and heart, and determination I can't help but feel my heart fill with hope at the truthfulness of his words. I believe as much as he does that there is nothing left they can do to us, that we'll be together forever no matter what, I trust in his words so much that for a couple of weeks we live our life as happily as we can, as happily as we deserve after everything that we have been through.

That's what makes the announcement of the Quarter Quell all that much more devastating.


	20. Chapter 20

I hope there is still people following this story! Sorry, I know it's been too long but I suddenly figured out what happens next and sat down and wrote it. I'm happy with it, but it's a lot of back and forth between Peeta and Katniss. Now that this is done the rest of the story should happen quickly and updates and more chapters will happen more frequently than they have been. I didn't edit this, I was just so excited to get it up! I hope you enjoy.

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**Peeta**

The plan was simple, train as careers, fight with our lives and when one of us was gone from this earth the other would follow. We knew the words that I had said only days before, about us winning this unwinnable game were untrue. They were words that I should have never dared to say aloud; surely they heard me and that's what sparked the obvious rule change to allow for the reaping to take Victors.

There's a wailing from beside me I can't ignore anymore. I clamp my hands over my ears, clench my eyes shut and start to sing her song, the Hanging Tree song that Katniss would sometimes sing to me in the dark one of those many times I saved her from her nightmares. Only I don't sing it as much as yell it and somehow Gale who is in the hospital bed on the other side of the room begins to fade into the background as I try to escape to her in my mind. Instead of sweet memories of what it was like to hold her, how she smelled of the earth and the bakery and home my mind only flashes to what can possibly be happening to her now that the Capital has her. What kind of torture she must be undergoing I don't know for sure, and it's killing me. I sit up and look at my room mates, Gale and Finnick are broken men. Finnick just plays with his rope, tying knots over and over trying not to lose his mind, which is hard when Gale seems to have already lost his and it looks so tempting to give in and let that sadness envelop you so completely that you don't care anymore who sees you cry. Gale lost Madge and Posy in the destruction of District Twelve after Katniss lit up that area with her arrow. One instruction to Madge to take Posy while he led the people out to our lake and that was the last he'd ever speak to Madge and Posy. We'd taken Gale and Madge there and Haymitch too when the need for a place to train and talk freely arose after the announcement of how the Quell would work. Madge knew nothing about the lake so we knew it was a safe place, Madge identified all of the safest places to not be seen or heard within and around the district, and maybe that's why she was targeted. We don't know how Madge and Posy were killed; only that they didn't make it to the lake with the rest of the survivors from Twelve, and Gale didn't know until he was already here in District Thirteen. It kills him that he left there willingly, that he didn't check before he left that they were both on a hovercraft. He caught a glimpse of his mother and brothers as they were boarding and assumed they were all together, it was a costly mistake.

The Quell was just as horrible as we imagined it would be with the fog, the monkeys, and losing so many of our fellow Victors. Katniss and I weren't supposed to survive. That was the plan that Haymitch explained to us, he knew we weren't going to live to make it out, but there was a resistance team that had a plan that all revolved around getting Finnick Odair out of the arena. Katniss and I were told to get him out at all costs, Beetee came up with the plan to electrocute the Careers, Katniss and I were going to go our separate ways and leave the group after that. Find a spot of paradise for ourselves and take our lives together. Instead we were separated by the group, and when I was running for Katniss as she was calling my name I found Brutus hunting her down but thankfully I got to him first. I stabbed him right in the neck with his own knife, and then let him bleed out, but not before he stuck me with it a few nearly devastating times first. That was nearly a month ago, it's taking a long time to recover, but I really don't want to. There's nothing left for me, my whole family died in the destruction of Twelve, hopefully the Capital was merciful to Katniss and let her die quickly.

Suddenly Haymitch is standing above me shaking me, "Snap out of it! Boy, look at the television before it's too late, you'll miss her." My eyes snap open and I push myself away from Haymitch. I didn't even realize that I was still yelling her song into the room, but the searing pain Haymitch caused in my shoulder by shaking me brings me back to reality. I look in the direction that his frantic eyes are looking and turn to see that a television has been pushed into the room and one of the military personnel is frantically pushing buttons on the remote until he stops on her face. The wind is taken from my lungs, I stand up from my bed and rush to the television, Gale has even stopped wailing and is watching as well as Finnick although his fingers are still tying and untying knots in his rope.

It's more than I can hope for, her face, it's unharmed, she's clean, her hair, she resembles herself from our Victory Tour days which is such a relief from the images my own mind was creating. "She's ok." I say happily, and I feel a crazed relieved smile spread across my face.

**Katniss**

The second the little red recording button turns off, I look President Snow right in his soulless snake like eyes and say, "It won't work you know. Why did you even make me do this? Everyone is going to see this for what it was, no one will cease fire, and the rebels aren't going to give up just because you dressed me up and put me on camera."

I watch as Snow slithers closer to me from across the room, he must know how revolting I find him because he leans down close to my ear and whispers, "All of Panem knows that I have their Mockingjay safe and sound in my home. They know that right now you are perfectly healthy, your precious Peeta has had sufficient time to recover from his injuries and he will rush right into the Capital to save you and bring whatever pathetic little army District Thirteen can scrounge together." He talks slowly, the breath I was holding so I didn't have to breathe in his disgusting blood and roses odour escapes from my lungs and my body desperately gulps in as much air as my lungs can hold. I begin to retch from the highly concentrated scent of his breath all around me and the scent that fills my nostrils. It disgusts me to know that the air I breathe is the same that he breaths as well. "You are still their hope Katniss and the only thing truly satisfying to me is to give them just enough hope that when I take it away, it will be their ultimate down fall." He looks to one of the guards who has been watching me for weeks. "Break her." Snow says simply, and my head is covered with a black cloth sack.

After that I never see the room that had been mine for nearly a month as I recovered and grew stronger every day until they put me on camera that first time. I know I was driven from the President's mansion, but to where I don't know. Before the sack is removed I'm carried by the huge guard for what seems like forever, I scream and kick and do everything I can to attract attention to myself, but in the end I'm placed in a chair and strapped to it with belts. Once removed the lights all around me are blinding and my head is strapped to the chair as well. What follows are endless loops of camera and audio recordings of every violent act that Peeta has ever done; any shred of heartache cause by him is played back, any argument, and then eventually I realize there are even some conversations that I know have never happened before. I try to keep my grip on reality but it's hard, but soon I realize that I've lost grip of reality before, back when I lost my mother and sister in that shack. I know how to see past things that are too intense for my mind to comprehend, I've done it before. So I revert back, I regress. I go back to that time when daddy didn't come home, to when I came home with that precious loaf of bread and found my mother and sister dead. I sing to myself softly, and when the day comes that President Snow tries to feed me himself, whispers soothing words to me, I simply turn my head away from him. It's days since I've eaten, but I won't take food from Snow. So they insert a feeding tube, and this continues for I don't know how long and eventually I really do feel like I'm going insane. I scream that I know that this is all made up, that they are using jabber jays just like they did to me in the arena, only using Peeta's voice to say things that never happened before. I scream and cuss and make my wrists bleed trying to pull them out of the restraints. I'm beaten in my chair, taking the full force of the beatings from the guards and I don't even have my hands to help me protect my face from their beatings, but they never hit me in the face. "Never, ever the face." I remember Snow's instruction like a whisper of a dream. I can't even comprehend when he said this to the guards. Finally, one day, the guards start talking freely around me, they've stopped seeing me as a person. The beatings become worse after this, the audio and video played louder, and the needles. Whatever they put in me reminds me of the Tracker Jacker stings, my mind wanders aimlessly but I can still bring up good memories of Peeta and me together, just enough to keep me sane, enough so when I make out their plans to bomb District Thirteen. I just have to hold on a little longer, and hope they put me back on television soon.

**Peeta**

"She looks so different this time." I say as I reach my hand out to the television screen and touch Katniss' face. Her eyes are sunken, her cheek bones stick out so prominently and her cheeks are hollow. Her usual sun kissed skin is grey, and most of all there is a tortured look in her eyes. "They're killing her." I look down at my own body, both of us have transformed so much since her last broadcast and I feel guilty. I've agreed to be the Rebel's Mockingjay, when Coin asked me she barely had the words out before I agreed. The only thing I wanted in return was the safe return of all Victor's captured by the Capital and to be started on rescue missions right away to get them out.

Coin agreed immediately, but when I insisted that I am a part of the team to save Katniss she gave an answer of "No, you are untrained and have been actively trying to kill yourself for the past month. I will not put my soldiers in harm's way. This will be well thought out and executed professionally. Snow is counting on the fact that we don't know what we are doing. He is going to be greatly mistaken, we have been preparing for this for decades. If you want to join them on a rescue mission, you will get yourself healthy again and train with our soldiers."

So I immediately started sticking to the schedule, which is made specifically for me to regain the most of my strength and military knowledge as possible. I eat nearly four times as much as the average citizen here in thirteen, and it shows. It's been nearly eight weeks since Katniss' first broadcast, plenty of time for someone as determined as myself. Gale and Finnick have joined me as well along the way; it seems that just when I lost two brothers to war, I've gained two as well. I guess if eight weeks is plenty of time to build as much muscle as I have, then it's also plenty of time to nearly starve one. I look at Katniss who looks so frail and scared now. The guilt that I've been here eating so much, blindly building myself up so that I'm ready to fight when I have to, going to District Eight and fighting the Capital after they bombed that makeshift hospital.

Katniss is obviously mindlessly reading from cue cards being held off screen, then Bam! I'm on television the footage of me in District Eight calling out Snow and encouraging a nation to fight for itself. The Special Presentation of Katniss from the Capital is littered with choice shots from Propos. I exchange a look of dread with Haymitch, we know what this will mean for Katniss. This is the first time a Propo has been aired to Capital citizens, if they were torturing her before, what will happen to her now?

"Peeta," Katniss cries out in a pained way, it's like someone puts my heart in a vice when she says my name this way. Gale puts a hand on my shoulder and Finnick does the same on my other as we watch Katniss glance around her with frantic eyes. "How do you think this will end? What will be left? No one is safe." She pauses and shakes her head as if trying to clear thoughts from her mind, trying to get her grip on reality. "No one is safe. Not in the Capital. Not in the districts. And you…in Thirteen…" She inhales sharply, as if fighting for air; her eyes look insane. "Dead by morning!" She screams.

Off camera, Snow orders, "End it!"

"No!" I yell, I pound my fists into the television, Gale and Finnick try to hold me back but I over power them and don't stop until the television falls from the wall. "We go tonight, no more of this waiting!" I turn to Coin. "We go tonight or she'll be dead by morning!" I pound my massive fist on the table that every important person in Thirteen is gathered around for emphasis.

"Boy, didn't you hear a word she said?" Haymitch growls at me, "The Capital is attacking tonight."

"Then we sneak out while they are bombing us." I say.

"We'll never make it." Gale points out. "There is an army on its way here."

"Gale, they're killing her." I say desperately. In his eyes are remorseful, but he shakes his head. "They won't, she's too important to you. They need her; she's the only thing that's holding everything back from all-out war. They know people will follow you, and once she's gone there's nothing holding you back from taking them on with everyone and everything that will get behind you."

"They're torturing her, you saw that right?" I ask Gale.

He looks at me with grim eyes, "Yes. But she's not dead yet. It's like Coin said, we need a plan."

So, that's what we do, from the time we help every citizen into the underground bunker, until the time they let us know it's safe to emerge, we plan. It's the only thing keeping me going.

**Katniss**

He's going to kill me, in this moment I know it. I can't breathe anymore, there's no air going in or out of my lungs but all I can think of is how fitting this all is. My sweet innocent Peeta, my hope and light is the one that is going to put me out of my misery; he's going to give me that push to the other side of infinity that I wanted so badly. He's going to be the one who takes me out of this world, and why shouldn't he? I've ruined his life the most, caused him the most pain. He told me once that I was everything that was good, but how can I be? Because of me his family is dead; I know this because Snow himself played me the footage. They didn't die like the rest of District Twelve, they weren't bombed, they were taken by Peacekeepers before they evacuated and shot dead before the bombs were even dropped. He witnessed a horrific scene that no child should ever see, I was meant to die with my mother and sister in that shack. He reaped himself into the Hunger Games where I lost his baby; he lost his leg, and nearly his life. Countless other hardships all because of me. This flashes through my mind endlessly, he deserves to be this angry with me. Despite this I can only think one thing, I wish I could look into his eyes one last time, his hair is covering them, and with my last ounce of strength I raise my hand and push it back like I have countless times before. I see the recognition there as he looks at me. I mouth the words "I love you" and then my world goes dark.

That's the last good memory that I have to hold onto before the voices start. I try to hold it, but the voices tell me that only the things they say are true. Why are all of these voices only saying things about Peeta? Because they're not real, that's why, right? I don't know anymore, maybe some of it makes sense. He killed people, this I know is true, but did he do it for me or because he enjoyed it? I offered the Nightlock berries at the end of the first Games we were in, but was that his plan all along? Was he really going to spit his out after I took mine? I know the plan was for Beetee to coil the wire around the lightning tree, but why was it that only I was there to fire the arrow? Why did I take the full force of the explosion? Was it really meant to kill me? I remember the plan for after, we were going to run off and find a place to take our own lives, but was he really going to go through with it? Or just be sure that I did and kill Finnick to save himself? I can't stop these thoughts anymore, and the guard, he looks a lot like Peeta. I can't tell if these are memories of Peeta strangling me or the Guard actually doing it. Every time I wake up it feels like a nightmare that I can't wake from. So I concentrate on the memories that I know are real, like that first kiss at the lake, Peeta was so tender, it was what we both wanted. Or is that something he knew I would do with him because deep down I'm Seam Trash just like Mrs. Mellark used to call me before she let me into her home.

I can't keep it straight, I can't keep it straight, and who is Peeta? Did I ever really know? How long have I been here? What is real, I just don't know anymore.

**Peeta**

With my gun raised and a voice providing instructions on which corridor and doors to go through I walk as soundlessly as Gale at my side. Finally we find the holding cells in the training centre. We find Annie, Johanna, and the military team works immediately to free them, they are not my goal however so I continue on while chaos erupts around me. There's a door at the end of the hallway that I see, "She should be behind that door." The voice tells me.

"Keep cautious Soldier Mellark." Boggs reminds me. "This whole thing has been too easy."

I nod my head and allow Boggs and Gale to open the door while I keep my aim steady. I gunshot rings out and instantly I feel the force of a bullet hit my shoulder, but I pull the trigger and shoot as if I haven't been harmed. The guard falls to the floor. We knocked the power out to the whole building, so besides the guard the room is completely dark except for a single chair surrounded by various television screens. I walk cautiously toward the chair and hesitate for a single moment to look at the guard. "He looks almost exactly like me." I observe. Gale and Boggs check the guard for life, but I shot him directly in the head, he's not getting up.

There's a moan from behind the chair, I only hesitate for a single moment, afraid of what I might find on the other side. As I turn the chair around I am taken aback by the skinny arm bound by a leather strap, so thin and frail she could really get out if she wanted to, her head hangs limply, chin to her chest. I put my gun down, put my finger under her chin and raise it as gently as I can. My heart breaks. Her face has been pummelled. Fresh blood is dripping from her nose and an open gash on her lip, eyes swollen shut. I look at the guard on the floor and notice how raw his knuckles are; while we were in the building he beat her. While I was carefully making my way to her room, by room, each minute an eternity, so close to her yet so far, and this man was beating her more and more with every step closer that I got to her.

I can feel the rage in my body, so intense, that I see red. Then I realize that it's the man's blood oozing onto the floor, I've been taking the butt of my gun and beating this man's skull in. It snaps me back to reality and I realize that not even Boggs or Gale have been able to pull me from this dead man, I didn't even hear Katniss' terrified screams as she watched me do it.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

I'm both terrified and relieved once the power is restored to the building. One the one hand, it means that we've been discovered, and that an unknown number of Peacekeepers are on their way here right now to stop us from rescuing Katniss and the other Victors. However, on the other hand the lights coming on seems to have snapped Peeta back to reality and stopped him from pummeling the remains of this Peacekeeper who did have a striking resemblance to Peeta himself.

My attention then turns to Katniss who is screaming terrified from the confines in her torture chair. "Peeta stop!" She's screaming. "He's going to kill me next, He's a mutt Gale, Peeta's a mutt!" She screams into the air so loud that it makes my ears ring and it feels like my skull is going to explode from the intensity of her shrill cries. Her face is actually turning purple with the effort.

"Shut her up!" Shouts Boggs. Who has taken the sack of weapons that I dropped on the floor when we were trying to wrestle Peeta from the dead Peacekeeper and is now filling it with as many items from the room as possible.

As I quickly unbuckle Katniss' impossibly slim wrist from the chair I'm aware that the room is filled with television screens at every angle that Katniss can possibly see. Peeta is staring wide eyed at the screens as he unbuckles Katniss' other wrist. "Don't touch me!" She's screaming.

"Katniss, it's me, Peeta." He tries to tell her desperately, but I can tell she's not going to calm down for him. "We're here to save you; we're taking you away from here." He wipes his forehead, probably thinking that sweat is running into his eyes when really it's the dead guy's blood. Peeta doesn't even realize that he's covered in it, and in Katniss' current state of mind he is unknowingly terrorizing her even further.

Now Katniss with both of her arms free lunges at him. "You can't take me anywhere! You can't take me! You're a mutt Peeta! A mutt!" She screams at the top of her lungs as she takes her fingers and digs them into his face.

I come up from behind Katniss and take her arms and hold them down at her side. "Katniss, what did they do to you?" Peeta asks in a defeated tone, in response she spits in his face. Boggs comes up with a black sack that must have only been in this room because it was a tool they used to blind Katniss. As soon as the sack is over her head she almost instantly calms, which is almost worse because she passes out and collapses in my arms. I scoop her up and walk out of the room, leaving Peeta flabbergasted behind me. I head for the harnesses in the centre of the building that will lift us back onto the hovercraft that will take us back to District Thirteen. One of the soldiers from District Thirteen mentions to me that other than the few guards who were here holding the Victors the building is completely abandoned so I'm not even careful as I walk out into the open, and the intense pain in my shoulder catches me completely off guard. The person behind me who I can't even see tackles me into a wall off to the side, I'm holding on to Katniss so I can't even protect myself without dropping and hurting her.

I shout out in pain as this person stabs me a second time in my right shoulder again, then a third, and a fourth, and countless more. Just when I think that this is it, I'm finally going to be released and will get to join Madge and Posy, and that protecting my best friend isn't a bad way to die an animalistic force pulls the person from my back. "Run, Gale!" Boggs says from across the room, and I do, I carry Katniss and hook myself up to the harness and watch as Peeta kills yet another guard as Katniss and I ascend to the hovercraft. We leave for District Thirteen a few minutes later once Peeta and Boggs make it onto the hovercraft. As soon as we are on our way and the hovercraft is leaving the Capital the medical team descends on us. Katniss is taken from my arms, the sack removed, and she is hooked up to all the machines that tell the doctors everything they need to know.

A set of doctors treat me, they get me onto an examination table. I lay on my stomach so they can cut my uniform away from my back and determine the damage. A needle is inserted to my arm and painkillers administered. I can feel my head getting lighter and lighter as the drugs take effect. I see Peeta sitting in a chair watching the doctors evaluating Katniss, but the look on his face is so blank that I don't think he's seeing the world in front of him. His hands and face and even his hair is covered in blood. The last thing I remember thinking is that maybe Katniss is right, maybe he is a mutt.

What follows is a series of events that break them both. It's an odd thing to see two people who were so completely in love, stay in love with each other but in a way that they are so completely never going to be together again. From the bag that Boggs filled when we were rescuing Katniss we learn of everything they did to her. Journals and logs, even some of the audio recordings and video clips show us the depths of which Katniss' mind has been twisted. Everything about the rescue was too easy, and now we know why, Snow fully intended for us to find her this way. Snow's own personal revenge on the Mockingjays and District Thirteen. On some level I suppose it's revenge on Panem itself just because of how willing everyone was to accept the two of them and change everything he's ever worked for.

My recovery room is just down the hall from Katniss' observation room. I hear her screams, they are heart wrenching and devastating and it makes me glad that Madge died in District Twelve. I'm featured on most of the propos alongside Peeta, what if they took Madge to do the things they did to Katniss. Madge is stronger than I imagined, but she would be just like Katniss and I'm glad she died before anything like this ever happened to her. Peeta is the trigger to Katniss' hell and it kills him a little every time he sees the terror in her eyes at the sight of him. He tries every day for a week to get through to her, when he's finished trying, when he accepts that he is hurting her just by seeing him he escapes to my room. He sits with me and we listen to her screams until they stop together. "Annie and Finnick are getting married." Peeta says to me one day.

"Yeah, I heard. They visit Katniss everyday too." I say.

This peaks his interest, "Katniss sees them? Talks to them?"

I give him a reassuring half smile, "No, they stand on the other side of the glass and watch her as the doctors try to get through to her, and then they visit me before they leave. Finn told me that they've been to your quarters to visit you but you are never around. They say that you are always with Boggs doing drills with the other soldiers."

In response Peeta sighs heavily and runs his hands over his short military haircut. "They say she was hijacked." Peeta takes a seat in the chair next to my bed. Once he's closer I can see the see the telltale darkened circles under his eyes, he hasn't been sleeping. "Boggs got journals, can you believe it? They kept journals of how they tortured her. Things that worked, things that didn't." He sighs heavily and I put a hand on his shoulder and give it a gentle reassuring shake. When he looks at me his eyes seem like mine must have when my world came crumbling down around me, when I got to thirteen and I realized Madge and Posy hadn't made it, tortured and guilt ridden. "She stopped eating when they would bring her food. There's notes, she wouldn't eat without me. We used to do that as kids, that's how I brought her back after her mother and Primrose. I told her I wouldn't eat without her, and it got to a point where she would only eat with me and then gradually without, but this time, I wasn't there and it's what made them escalate how they were torturing her. I was here in Thirteen, safe. I should have been doing the same thing she did, but Coin had me convinced there was time. That I should work to be the best soldier. Coins said that she was too valuable to their own cause, and that they were going to keep using her to show that she was against the rebellion, and she looked so healthy in the Capital's first propo that I believed Coin. I thought I had time, and it turns out that she was fighting any way she could to not be a piece in their game. Then they showed her that last time and bombed us so I couldn't leave." Peeta shakes his head in disbelief. "Why couldn't it be me? If I stay in my room this question runs through my mind a million times. I'd go crazy if it weren't for Boggs keeping me busy. That's why I'm never in my room, I can't keep still."

Just then her screams ring out loud and clear again, Peeta clinches his teeth together and deep, guttural, tortured sound erupts from his throat as he clamps his hands over his ears as if he can block out her screams. "Hey man, calm down." I say and just when I squeeze Peeta's shoulder again he stands up.

"I can't take it anymore, I can't stand that she's like this because of me! We should have been reunited like Annie and Finnick, we should be happy that we made it through this thing together, again. Instead I've got this," Peeta gestures to the sounds of Katniss' screams. Through the little window on the door we see nurses and doctors running to the sounds. Peeta opens the door and quickly follows, I stand quickly ignoring any pain that this causes me and I follow Peeta only to find him on the other side of the observation window watching as Katniss fights like mad against the doctors and nurses. Even in her weakened state her insanity gives her an animalist strength that requires several nurses to hold her down so they can administer some kind of sedative to calm her down. Almost immediately her muscles begin to relax, her head tilts in our direction and the look in her eyes are so desperate, I look to Peeta and the same look is mirrored in his own eyes. "She's just a shell of the person she used to be. They broke her, she'll never be the same. They gave her back with nothing left to put back together again."

As Katniss calms words that she was incoherently screaming before become clearer, and we can hear that she is chanting "He's a mutt, he's a mutt…" endlessly.

Peeta lets out a rueful breath as if he's thinking of something amusing. "She's right, I am a mutt."

"You're not a mutt." I say with a roll of my eyes. "That's just something they told her while she was being tortured."

"No, I am a mutt but I wasn't created in the Capital. I was created in Thirteen." And with that Peeta walks away.

I watch for a minute longer but as I turn to walk back to my room there is a voice that comes from behind me that says, "He's not completely wrong you know." I find Haymitch sitting in a darkened corner of the room. "Yeah, I probably should have told you guys that I was here, but somehow I don't think that would have stopped the boy's ranting." Haymitch stands and walks until he is standing beside me. "She'll come back for him. It just looks bleak now because this is all just starting, they'll find a way to bring her back."

"How can you be so sure?" I ask.

Haymitch looks to the door way that Peeta just left through, "The boy got way too strong too quickly once he decided to become the Mockingjay to get Katniss out of the Capital. I think they have some of that artificial Capital magic here. I don't know how much, but I do know that if they want to bring down the Capital they'll need both of their Mockingjays to do it. Peeta's missing something that Katniss has. He's a smooth talker, and convincing as hell, but Katniss always looked like someone who fought and clawed her way through life. She was more like every other poor citizen of Panem and if a girl from District Twelve can stand up to the Capital win a few times then they started to believe that they could too. He's not as effective on his own and Coin and her people are starting to realize this. It would have been a lot easier if they had saved her rather than him."

"But it would have killed her to see Peeta like this too." I point out.

Haymitch nods his head, "Yes, it would have. And she would have handled it just as badly as Peeta is about to."

As it turns out Haymitch is right about Peeta. I don't see him for weeks other than catching a glimpse of him secretly watching Katniss from the hallway in one of the brief times he's back in Thirteen. He's constantly out in the Districts fighting, I spend another couple days in my recovery room but after that I'm back to being Soldier Hawthorne. I live with my brothers and mother who is adjusting to life in Thirteen, my mother barely talks anymore. Since I can't be out fighting like Peeta because of my injury I'm put with Beetee to come up with strategies to win this war. Turns out my input is really good because of my knowledge of snares and hunting and most of my ideas are put into action.

I check on Katniss every day, I don't know if Haymitch ever leaves because no matter what time of day I go to see her he is always there. He was right, she is improving more and more every day and with each milestone I hear Haymitch pick up a phone and say things like, "Make sure the boy knows that she was allowed to feed herself pudding today, Plutarch." But I notice he emits the parts where it didn't stay down and she vomited it all over the floor and that triggered another episode.

And so it goes on and on for days and turns into weeks yet again. Mostly my days are filled with strategy sessions with Beetee, but eventually we get to the day where I'm allowed to go in and see her, talk to her. Some days we talk about everything, some days we just sit in silence. I hold her hand; I'm everything for her that I can be given the situation, and more than once I hear Peeta's voice in my head that says she's a shell of who she used to be and how right he was when he said that. Still, there are days where she shows improvement.

"I've heard Annie and Finnick are getting married in a few days." She says to me one day.

A small smile forms on my lips, "Yeah, Finnick is pretty psyched."

A thoughtful look comes across her face. "I'd like to volunteer to take Annie to Twelve; I think I remember there are gowns at my home in District Twelve from the Victory Tour. Would you come with me?"

"Are you sure you want to go back to Twelve?" I ask worriedly.

Old Katniss would have rolled her eyes, made me think that she it is ridiculous to worry over her this much, but instead I'm met with large fearful grey eyes. "They'll be there, I can't do it alone. But I have to know if it was real or if it was something they put in my head."

"If what was real?" I ask.

Katniss clenches her hands into fists so tightly that it makes me wonder how her finger nails don't leave little cuts in her palm. I can see she's fighting the images from consuming her and she tries to regain control. "The memories, I'm starting to be able to tell them apart from things they created, made up. Memories that they implanted in my head are unclear and shiny. I can't focus on them, but Gale, they killed my family, Peeta's family the Mellarks. All of them, didn't they?"

I look at her sadly, "They died in the District Twelve explosions. They were among the missing, they didn't make it out, just like almost everyone else I couldn't save."

"No, that's not what happened to them. Before the bombings they were executed. Shot in the head, all of them. Even Tule and she was only a few weeks from delivering her baby." I don't want to believe her, but the way she is speaking is the most lucid and calm way I've seen her in my whole time visiting her. Her next words make me sick to my stomach. "They put them back in the house. In the Victor's Village. They knew the bakery would be destroyed in the bombings but they left the Village intact. When we go back there the houses will be fine, and their bodies will be set up in the house. The idea was that Peeta was supposed to go back and find them; Mr. and Mrs. Mellark are at the dining room table. Graham, Rye and Tule are in the family room around the television." She looks away from me, and her next words are heartbreaking. "This memory is not shiny like the rest. I think they really did it and took video, showed it to me. It's too real. I wish it was shiny and unclear but it's not."

"It's been months. I don't think anyone has been back to Twelve. There were no survivors; nothing is left to go back to." I tell her.

"I need to go back. I need to see if this memory that I have is real or not. If they are there in the house I need to take them out and give them a proper respectful burial. They were the first people to save me and they don't deserve what they got in the end." Katniss practically begs.

I look sadly at the mirror in the room, knowing that Haymitch is on the other side watching.

After that the orders are simple. Katniss is going to Twelve strictly to help Annie pick out a dress from Katniss' old Victory Tour collection. Finnick and Annie come with us to Twelve, we are instructed to simply land as close to the Victor's Village as possible and go straight to the house, let the girls choose their clothing, come back to Thirteen before it's known that a Mockingjay is out of the district. Once on the hovercraft on our way to Twelve a very anxious and unstable Katniss and Annie are seated together, and while Finnick and I are watching them from a very close distance I fill him in on what Katniss told me we are going to find in the house.

"Are you crazy? I can't let Annie see that, it would push her over the edge. I never would have brought her if this was the plan, why didn't you tell me that this is why we are actually going?" Finnick asks angrily.

"Coin and her people would have never allowed us to go there on our own if we told them what we were looking for. They would have sent their own team to investigate and Katniss would have never known for sure what happened to them. She needs this, as gruesome as it could be, she needs to know that she set things right with the Mellarks." I say.

"What if they did die in the bombings? What if Snow had them make the whole thing up and she saw this image while she was all jacked up on Tracker Jacker venom? What then?" Finnick asks.

"Then she knows for sure she can't trust any of her memories, that there is no hope for fixing her ever. She will never have a way to distinguish between what could be real and what isn't. I think she could control her episodes if she could just get a handle on what is real and what isn't. She needs this." I try to reason with him.

"Well Annie doesn't. I'm staying with Annie on the hovercraft until you let me know if I can take Annie inside without traumatizing her again." Finnick says angrily. Seeing that there will be no persuading him on the subject I simply nod my head in agreement.

It's not long after that we arrive in the hovercraft only steps from the entrance of the Village. A small army of soldiers from Thirteen protect us as Katniss and I approach the steps to the house. Katniss is dangerously close to having an episode, and to be honest, my own palms are sweaty and my heart is racing at the thought of what we might find inside. Katniss slowly opens the door and steps inside. Each step seems to take an eternity, but somehow at the same time we get to the family room too quickly, I don't want to have my friend see her family that way.

"Wait, Katniss don't. You don't need to do this." I say at the last second, but it's too late. I watch her face change from dread to confusion to fear. She turns her back to the family room and runs in the direction of the dining room. I follow her with a quick look in the family room to see an empty sofa.

I find Katniss in the dining room, her hands are clutching the back of one of the chairs at the empty table. "What is real?" She wails with eyes clenched shut; her knuckles are white with the effort of gripping the chair and riding out an episode where her days of torture flashback in her mind. "How will I ever know what is real! Will I ever know again? What did they do to me?" Katniss screams, but when she turns to walk away from the table she trips on her own two feet.

As I bend down to pick her up from the floor I glance at the large embroidered rug that the table and chairs sit atop of. There's a disruption in the pattern, the rug itself is a mixture of colours of red and browns and greens. But there is a large amount of red that doesn't follow the pattern. I reach down and touch the rug, the red it something that is hard and dry. "Katniss, there's blood here on the rug." I help Katniss from the floor and she hugs herself into my chest crying and trying to keep from falling apart.

I hold her close, but walk to the back of the house. When I get to the back door I open it and look outside. "Katniss look." I say. She lifts her head from my chest and together we walk out the door and walk to the middle of the yard where we find five grave markers made of sticks and mounds of dirt where someone must have buried the bodies. They were buried so long ago the sprouts of grass has already started to grow on the disrupted earth.

"It was real, wasn't it?" Katniss asks.

"Maybe Peeta was here. Maybe he found your family and took them out here and buried them. Who else would have done it?" I suggest aloud.

"Soldier Hawthorne? We don't have much time to be here. Hovercrafts from the Capital could be on their way." One of the soldiers from Thirteen says to me.

"Yes, of course. Could you please tell Finnick and Annie that it's safe to come inside." I ask the soldier. When he walks away I go with him to give Katniss time to say goodbye to her family but I continue to watch her from the doorway. Stylists lead Finnick and Annie upstairs to the room where Katniss told them they would find her gowns. I notice they are taking an awful lot of clothing back to Thirteen with them, even some clothing that look like Peeta's suits. I suppose everything is able to be salvaged and remade once it gets back to Thirteen.

One of the soldiers comes to me and says "Solider Hawthorne, we need to leave now. We've spotted another hovercraft on its way here. There's no way to tell if it's one of ours or from the Capital, but at this point we know where most of our hovercraft are and it doesn't make any sense for one to be anywhere near this District."

Quickly I gather Katniss and although we have to take an indirect route back so as not to accidentally cross paths with any enemy hovercraft within a few hours we are back at Thirteen. Katniss soundlessly walks directly back to her observation room in the hospital. I don't know if this trip benefited her at all, and I suppose it's too soon to tell. I sit with Haymitch for a while and tell him what we found and we discuss weather this trip did anything to help her.

Knowing she's safe, I head back to my own living quarters, and when I arrive I find my mother and brothers in the middle of the room with a group of soldiers from Thirteen. "What's going on?" I ask, with the way things are going I suppose it's a natural reaction to suspect the worst.

"Strict orders from Boggs himself, you're to meet his hovercraft when it lands, which will be shortly." The soldier states professionally and without any hint at what Boggs could possibly need me for.

"Ok," I look to my mother, "I'll be back as soon as I can mom."

"Actually the orders were for the whole Hawthorne family to meet him at the landing site." The soldier clarifies; the look I give him must intimidate him because he clears his throat before nervously saying, "I think the order is actually coming from Soldier Mellark. I think its good news, word is they were in the hovercraft that was headed for Twelve, they were there after your hovercraft left the area."

We head above ground together and just as the door to the hovercraft hangar opens we see the hovercraft opening its doors as the engines power down. Peeta is first to get off the hovercraft and on his face is the widest smile that reminds me of the boy he used to be before the games. The person who follows him off the hovercraft is a woman with hair that is hanging limply, but is the colour of sunshine where it's not smeared with dirt. A child runs past her, practically knocking her over, "Momma!" The little girl screams.

"Posy!" My mother cries out and runs toward my little sister. I watch as my mother gets down on her knees just as Posy crashes her little body into mom. My brothers and I come up and wrap our arms around mom and Posy creating one giant hug. There are tears in my eyes and I don't care who sees. This is the happiest moment of my life, my sister somehow survived.

I look up from my family to look at the girl beside Peeta, "Madge!" I say and in two long strides I take Madge into my arms and vow never to let her leave them again.

**Katniss**

The sound of a plate being placed down on my bedside table wakes me from my nightmare. I open my eyes, but instead of the fluorescent lighting that usually has me blinking in blindness from the brightness for minutes the room is dim, incredibly dim. I turn over to find a single white stick candle burning for light. One the plate is a single cheese bun I reach out and touch it, it feels warm and fresh, it makes the room smell familiar. The next words are so eerily familiar it makes my skin crawl. "Katniss, I know you don't know us very well, but I promise, we will keep you safe." I hear a familiar sound, it's soft and soothing. "I saw everything yesterday, I had nightmares from it last night, and I know that you probably see the nightmares when you aren't even sleeping. I bet you can see them right now, it's not something any of us will ever forget." I lay completely still in the darkness for a long time afraid to move. After a few minutes the voice speaks again. "I'm not very good yet, but I will be one day. I'll keep practicing until I get it perfect for you Katniss."

"Is this real?" I dare to whisper.

"No." The voice responds, "But, it was once."

"Please eat Katniss. I'm not going to eat until you do, don't waste it." I say in response. "This is what was said before wasn't it? That's what gets said next."

A light chuckle rings through the room, but it doesn't quite sound how it should, it's older. "Yeah, that's what was said next." I hand appears in the small area where there is light and drops a piece of paper. I reach a hand out and turn it over, the most familiar image of Prim and me looking through the bakery window at the cake displays. The hand drops a glass of water on the table next, "I'm not going to eat until you do, don't waste it."

I don't know what to do; this is all so familiar, "Is this a memory? It's not shiny." I can feel the anxiety creeping up on me and I work on the breathing exercises that Dr. Aurelius suggested I do when I feel the anxiety about to overtake me.

"It's both Katniss, it's a memory of a life we had a long time ago and a real promise now. I ran out of hope for a while Katniss but today I saw something that reminded me to never give up. That even when things are hopeless those you love the most can always come back. I'll never give up on you again Katniss. This is real Katniss, and I'm not giving up on you, will you come back to me?"

Somehow the voice is calming and comforting and takes me back to a time where I have felt this way before. Out of control, no idea who I was or what I was going to do or how I was going to survive, but this voice talked me back to reality. He brought be back from the darkness once before. I know that the answer is, "Always."

I shaky relieved sigh is whispered into the air and I reach my hand out into the darkness as I remember I did once before and find his hand and take it in mine and allow myself to embrace this feeling of hope.


End file.
