Downton Abbey 1. Chapter 1

The morning fog had cleared as the day had passed leaving in its wake a clear and sunny, if not brisk autumn afternoon. They had been back from London for almost a month now, Rose's presentation complete, a resounding success, and with the Prince himself in attendance a most talked about affair. Cora and Robert had congratulated themselves on yet another teenager presented. Although not their own they very dearly cared for Rose and the life she gave to their house was a breath of fresh air. Cora often suspected Rose was up to more than she knew, but after losing a daughter and a son in law some things just didn't matter the way they used to. It had been on the train back to Downton that Cora had confessed to Robert her conflicted emotions at Rose's coming out being finished. She was pleased it was over, a success, her mother and brother in attendance. However, she knew that this was their last. With no more daughters of their own and no other family needing assistance with their children Rose had signaled the last presentation at court of which they would be responsible. Four times they had done it. Four very different young women and four wonderful if not stressful balls had followed. Cora found herself both relieved and saddened at the same time. More than anything she felt the weight of passing years pressing on her making her feel older, or perhaps just old.

When they were younger Robert would more than likely not have understood his wife's emotions. He would have thought it unreasonable to have two such conflicting feelings at the same time. Experience had taught him, in the form of years passing, that his wife was a complex woman with equally complex emotions. She often made the statement it was because she was American, but he sincerely doubted that was the whole of it. He had come to suspect that much of who Cora was came from simply who she was as a person. American or not, she was always going to be a woman to contend with. One only had to look at the daughters they had raised and the women they had become to realize many of their traits came from their mother, and none of their children were American in the least. It was just who she was. Complex, intuitive, interesting, compassionate, a woman who felt things deeply and earnestly. He had come to realize over the years that she just needed to share her thoughts, that she simply needed to voice her feelings to him and all he had to do was listen. He had practiced listening to his wife these 30 plus years, but something told him this time he needed to act, to show her how much he appreciated her and how most definitely not old she was. How not old they both were.

Cora smiled as she thought of the attention Robert had been showing her since their return from the city. Not that he wasn't usually attentive toward her, but it seemed to her he had been more so since their return. Taking advantage of the clear skies this Autumn afternoon offered Cora had taken herself for a walk, using the time alone to remember the walk she and Robert had shared across the very same lawn several days earlier. Arm in arm, Robert had inadvertently let slip part of the motives for his extra affection toward his wife. He hadn't even noticed the slip but she had heard it and it had made her smile. Cora had been feeling a little older since presenting Rose, she had all but forgotten their conversation on the train back from London a month prior but the fact that Robert remembered it was adorable. Not only did he remember it, he had made it his goal to remind her how much life they both still had in them, and how vibrant she was. Cora touched her fingers to her lips as they formed a smile and she recalled the moment she realized Robert was showing her more attention than usual.

_They had been back from London just a day when he had excused himself early after dinner and gone up to bed. Cora had stayed downstairs as it was still early, but had watched him as he had slipped out the door hoping he was alright. He was not one to be struck by illness and she mused while chewing her bottom lip that they truly were past their prime. How old had her father in law been when he had passed away suddenly of a heart attack? How old had Robert's grandfather been when had died? She cold not ever remember hearing much about him, Robert not even being born when his father had become the Earl he always knew him to be. Looking across at Violet she considered the amount of time her mother in law had lived without her husband by her side. Good Lord, it had been 25 years now … or was it more? She could not fathom the thought of spending so many years without her sweet, frustrating husband. Her heart had ached for him when he was in America and that had only been 6 weeks. As the thoughts piled one on top of the other Cora began to feel her heart aching and her hands beginning to wring together as they did when she was nervous._

"_You know, I don't feel so well myself." Cora said to no one in particular. Mary's head turned to her mother as her fingers twirled around her necklace. _

"_What was that mama?" Mary asked as her mother rose to her feet. Violet turned her attention to Cora and spoke. _

"_Is no one staying to entertain me?" Violet asked with a frown. _

"_I am sorry mama" Cora explained with a distracted look on her face, "I am not feeling well, the girls will happily keep you company and Tom as well." Cora looked to her children and offered them a smile before leaning in to kiss her mother in law's cheek and leaving the room. She felt quite fine physically, but her heart was pounding and her hands felt quite clammy at the thoughts of Robert being ill, of the possibilities of what could happen to men of his age, from his family. With an extra sense of urgency she climbed the stairs and made for her husbands room. If he was sick he would go to his room to avoid getting her sick as well, she arrived at his door and knocked softly. _

"_Robert?" she called out quietly not wanting to wake him if he was sleeping soundly. She turned his door handle and pushed into his room quietly entering his room blinking to adjust her eyes to the darkness. "Robert?" she whispered creeping toward his bed. She didn't need to go any closer to see that he was not in there, his bed lay empty, his room uninhabited. Cora looked around and screwed her eyes together. Backing out of the door she closed it behind her and went to her room. Perhaps he had decided to sleep in there after all? Perhaps he was downstairs in his study? Perhaps he was … Cora couldn't finish her thought shuddering at the images of her husband collapsed somewhere in the house. She pushed the door to her room open in one swift motion and entered her room in a panic. _

"_Robert!" Cora sucked in a breath at the sight of her husband alive and well standing in her bedroom. The relief that filled her was warm and calming and she quickly chastised herself for letting her imagination get the better of her. He was fine. Of course he was fine. He was … good heaven … he was half dressed. As her relief settled over her she looked around her room and took in the scene before her. _

"_Robert? What? What is all this?" she asked with a smile. _

"_It's called a surprise darling … but might you close the door before we progress any further?" he laughed at her shocked expression and walked toward her as she closed the door and looked around again shaking her head. _

"_I assume then that you are in fact not ill at all?" she asked with a stern expression. He had given her a scare, not entirely his fault, but her imagination had been led by his ruse so she felt justified in blaming him just a little. _

_He smirked like she imagined he might have done to get out of trouble as a little boy and took several steps towards her. "Not even a little."_

_Cora looked away from his approaching form and despite 37 years of marriage she blushed at the look she had seen in his eyes. Her room had been quite transformed in the almost 2 hours he had been up there. Candles littered various corners creating a harmonious glow, several vases of roses were placed about the room, and there were flower petals scattered across the floor and bed. It was beautifully romantic and Cora felt for a brief moment that perhaps she had forgotten their anniversary. Looking back toward her grinning husband she cocked her head to the side, _

"_What is all this?" she almost couldn't look at him directly. She had just spent the last hour downstairs running through various scenarios involving his untimely death and the hazards of growing older, yet here he stood, very much alive, very sweet, and very much making her pulse race. He had not changed into his pajamas but he had partially undressed and Cora found the result to be quite arousing. His dark dress pants were still fastened although his shoes and socks were gone. His tie hung loosely about his neck, his white shirt unbuttoned and hanging loosely across his body, untucked and the sleeves rolled up his forearms. Apparently he had done much of the work to arrange this display by himself as his hair was slightly disheveled and he had a certain glow about him. Cora felt her body heat up just looking at him and she knew if she had a fan on her she would be using it most fervently at this moment. _

_Robert smiled at the effect the room and he hoped his appearance was having on his wife. He had quickly arranged for flowers and candles upon their arrival the day before, but he had wanted to do it himself and had feigned illness in order to have time to do so. He stepped towards her until he stood directly in front of her. "I wanted to surprise my beautiful wife" he said as he picked up her hands in his and pulled them to his lips for a soft kiss. _

_She smiled at him, "Oh Robert" she gushed, "You had me worried that you were really ill" he laughed and she blushed as he ran his hands along her forearms reaching the end of her gloves before paying attention to one at a time and gently removing them for her. _

"_No Cora" he said huskily, "I am not ill, but I am sick, so very sick" he grinned as he lowered his lips to the underside of her now bare wrist and placed a delicate kiss there, then another a few inches above, then another, and another as he slowly kissed his way along the inside of her arm before running out of bare skin and wrapping his arms about her waist and pulling her close. "So very love sick over you my darling" he whispered into her ear and heard her intake a sharp breath before his lips found hers and crashed against them passionately. Old? Who in this room was old? All Robert could see were two people in the prime of their lives, in the prime of their marriage, enjoying the gifts they each offered. As he felt his wife's arms wrap around his neck and her body melt against his he increased the intensity in which he kissed her and slipped her mouth open with his tongue eliciting a throaty moan from his willing wife which made him smile and dip one hand down to cup her delicate bottom in his hand. He thanked heaven and earth for the newer fashions and the silky way they slipped across Cora's body, the ease of access it gave him to what lay beneath, the speed with which it could be removed. Gripping her waist tighter he pulled her body flush against his and spun them around as if in a dance so that her back was to the bed and he started backing her up towards it. Her hands had begun to move through his hair as she answered his tongue's pleading discovery with her own and mewled against his lips. When the back of her legs hit the bed he stopped and slid his hands down her dress beginning to slide the silky fabric up her body. Cora pulled back from his kiss and wordlessly turned around in his arms offering her back to him. For a moment he was unsure what she meant, but when she looked back at him across her shoulder he understood and felt his pulse begin to race. He lifted his hand to the back of her neck and gently unhooked the clasp there before moving his fingers down to take care of the rest of her buttons. When he had managed each of them he took half a step back and watched in appreciative awe as Cora let the dress fall from her body and pool on the floor before she turned to face him and sat down on the bed leaning back on her elbows. If Robert had been in charge of the situation before he was most definitely put in his place now. With that one motion Cora had turned the tables on her seducing husband and rendered him quite speechless. He stared at her, the delicate collar bones, the porcelain skin, the way her chemise hung across the gentle curves of her body, her stocking clad legs inches from his body._

"_Perhaps you could help me with these?" Cora asked seductively lifting one leg out as she leaned against the bed on her shoulders. She watched her husband swallow hard and nod his head wordlessly before stepping forward and sliding his hand along her leg, slipping along her thigh to meet the end of her stocking and skimming his fingers beneath them. Cora let out a breath at his touch and it filled Robert with renewed purpose. He was seducing his wife, not being seduced. He was trying to make her feel special, alive, sexy, needed … not the other way round. With a quick look at her aroused face and the way she bit her lower lip Robert proceeded to do just that. _

Smiling at the memories Cora looked up and saw the object of her thoughts walking across the lawn waving at her.

"Cora" he called out happily. The image of her husband trotting across the lawn towards her filled Cora's heart and she raised her hand waving back at him. Opening her mouth to speak his name she stopped still just before any sound came out, her mouth left open as the horror of the scene before her washed over her. Robert had been moving across the lawn toward her, had gotten halfway there when he had stopped mid stride, looked toward her, grasped his hand to his chest and fallen to his knees. As he fell from his knees to the lush green lawn below Cora screamed his name, once, twice, fear gripping her. Several seconds which seemed like hours passed with her frozen in fear before she shook herself into action, picking her skirt up at the knees and running toward her collapsed husband she screamed his name and prayed with all her might that he was alive.


	2. To Save Him

The rain came down in a light gray drizzle but Cora did not feel it. The last few days had been a blur and she realized now that without him she felt nothing. Nothing at all. Her vacant stare was fixed on his coffin which had been lowered into the ground moments before, the Vicar reciting a verse of scripture Cora did not care to listen to, she did not care for anything anymore. For a fleeting moment she was grateful for the black veil Baxter had affixed to her black hat this morning, it helped hide the tears that streamed down her cheeks although no sound came out of her. They were quiet tears. Hidden tears. Private tears. No-one knew the pain that tore through her heart. No-one knew the emptiness that occupied her heart. She felt completely alone, tired, comfortless, hopeless. Losing Sybil had been devastating, heartbreaking, it ripped her apart … but she had had Robert to lean on, eventually. They had made it through together. Now, she had no-one. She would not burden her daughters with this grief. She would not force it upon Violet who was burying her son, she had no-one. How could she survive without Robert? Her husband? Her Lord? Her love? Oh God it hurt! The pain in her body was the only feeling she knew anymore. A hand touched her shoulder but she did not turn to see who it belonged to. She did not want to leave his grave yet, to leave him yet. Not yet. How could she take another step without him in her world?

"Mama?" it was Edith. She wished she could be stronger for her girls but she just didn't know how anymore. "Mama." Edith was shaking her now, pulling on her shoulder gently but Cora could not move. It was as though if she moved away from his grave she would lose the last connection she had to him. Her husband, her sweet sweet Robert.

"Oh God" she whispered hearing her voice for the first time. It sounded strange, like it came from somewhere else.

"Mama. Mama. Wake up Mama" Edith's voice seemed louder as Cora jerked her head up from her arms and looked around. Where was she? Blinking she sat up and looked at the bed.

"Robert" she breathed as she took in his still motionless body sleeping in their bed.

"Mama, you fell asleep. You need to go to bed, let me sit with him a while" Edith spoke softly, knowing her mother could not take much more. It had been 2 days. 2 days at his bedside and still nothing. She exhaled slowly. At least it had just been a dream, a terrible terrible dream, but her husband was still alive, she would not have to bury him today.

"No thank you darling" Cora said sitting up straighter as if to prove she was still in control, still the Countess. Finding a handkerchief resting in her lap she untwined one of her hands which were clasped over her husbands and dabbed at her eyes. The tears in the dream had been real it seemed. She felt tired and weary and spent, but she would not leave him. Not now.

"I need to stay with him just now, but you go on to bed."

"I can sit with you, how about if I just sit here with you a while" Edith offered. So far Cora had shuffled them all out, anyone who had tried to take her place at his bedside, anyone who had wanted to sit with her, to wait with her she had told to go and rest. "He needs me" she would say. Mary and Edith had begun to get terribly concerned for their mother as not only had their father not shown any improvement, but their mother had barely slept, barely eaten, barely done a thing since it had happened.

"If you wish darling:" Cora said softly as she leaned across the bed and ran a hand through Robert's hair. "You see Robert, Edith is here now too and we all need you to wake up my love, just please, wake up for us my darling. Wake up for me."

Edith bit her lip to stop from crying out loud and turned her face to hide the tear that ran down her face. Her father just had to wake up, he had to. She feared if her father did not wake up, did not pull through that she would not just lose her father, but her mother as well.

Cora ran one hand gently through her husband's hair as she held on tight to his hand with her free one. The dream had shaken her more than she cared to admit. It had been 2 days since … since… she could barely think of it, since his heart attack. She had insisted he be bought into her room, into their bed and he had laid there ever since. Dr. Clarkson had been there more hours than he hadn't over the last 48 hours, but still he had seen no improvements. No change. He had said that although he would like to see him wake sooner rather than later the fact that he had not declined was at least one good sign. The last thing she had heard her husband say was her name and she clung to the memory like a balm to her wounded soul.

"_Robert! Robert! Robert!" Cora screamed as she ran to her husband's limp body lying on their lawn. The perfect weather and lush manicured green of the lawn mocked her with its perfection as she ran across it as fast as she could. Her eyes never left the form of her husband lying unmoving on the grass as she prayed for him to be ok. Prayed for him to be playing a cruel joke on her, for this to not be real, for him to be alright. As she neared him she could make out that eyes were open and he appeared to be breathing as he clutched a hand to his chest. "Robert!" she breathed as she dropped to her knees next him. The relief she felt having reached him flooded through her as she placed her hands against his shoulders and tried to turn him onto his back. "Robert" she pleaded for him to respond to her as she locked her gaze with his, she could see the pain in his face, the fear in his eyes. This was bad, this was worse than bad and the fear pulsed through her like a drug pushing her to action. "Robert … Robert … Oh God … let me get help, I am going to get you help my darling just hold on." She looked up scanning the surroundings but saw no-one. Nothing but perfectly manicured gardens and the vastness of the estate lay before her. The house stood like a great weight in the distance and she felt overwhelmed with her inability to help her husband. Her uselessness. Sybil would know what to do, but not Cora. Looking down at her husband who gasped for breath and clutched at his chest in pain. She knew she would have to leave him, but how could she? This was the choice before her. Leave him, or lose him? God please don't force her to make such a choice. How could she. Pulling on every strength she had ever known she pulled her mind back. Her gaze rested on Robert's face and she spoke to him with authority. "Robert. I have to go and get you some help. I have to leave you and get you some help now my love." Robert shook his head slowly and grasped Cora's wrist. She felt a tear run down her cheek and she forced herself to stand and pull away from him. "I have to darling. I can't sit here and watch you die, I have to get you help" she took her first step away from him and heard the last words from his mouth "Love … Cora" and she took off in a dead sprint. _


	3. Sleeping

"How is he?" for some reason Tom's voice was the only thing that soothed Cora, that and holding Robert's hand, although it was still limp and unresponsive at least it was warm. Alive.

"The same." Cora responded without looking away from his sleeping form. She told herself he was sleeping, just sleeping, not in a coma, not dying … just sleeping. Sleeping was healthy, sleeping meant he would wake up, so she told herself over and over that he was asleep and she would be there when he woke up.

"Dr. Clarkson is here." Tom's voice was closer now as he had moved over to where she sat next to the bed. He pulled up a chair and sat next to his mother in law, the woman who had always been on his side, who had always made him feel at home, the one person who truly understood his grief over Sybil … he placed his hand on her shoulder, "He'll be ok Cora … he's too stubborn to leave Mary and I in charge."

Cora nodded and gave Tom an almost smile, "I know. I just …" she couldn't finish her sentence; she had never known it would be this difficult. The pain was almost too much to bear and she felt worse than hopeless.

"It's alright Cora." They sat in silence a moment longer before Tom rose and walked to the door, "I'll send the Dr. up and have Mrs. Hughes bring you some tea and sandwiches."

"I'm not hungry." She replied without looking at him.

"I will have Mrs. Hughes send up some tea and sandwiches." Tom said with a respectful forcefulness Cora had not heard from him before, she looked up from Robert's sleeping body to her son in law, "I will send it up, and you will eat it." Cora stared at him wanting to argue but having no strength to do anything other than nod gently. "Thank you." He said as he turned to leave. Watching him walk out the door brought back memories of the day Robert collapsed, how she had run for help, how she had watched her life unravel before her very eyes.

_Running as quickly as she could toward the house Cora cursed the size of their home and land, the expanse of space which prevented her from getting there faster. "Help!" she yelled as loudly as she could, "Help! Somebody HELP ME!" her breathing was ragged from running and screaming and her heart pounded against her chest like a drum. She turned her head to look at Robert as she ran further away from him and stumbled, almost falling, she reverted her gaze to the house and screamed for help once again, "HELP! HELP ME! God please, SOMEBODY HELP ME!" _

_A little over half way to the house she saw a figure exit the front door and look around, she screamed "OVER HERE! HELP!" and watched as Jimmy began running towards her. Thank God in heaven she thought, thank the Lord she had been heard. Her voice was raspy and hoarse from screaming and running and she was vaguely aware that she had begun crying at some point. Calling out to Jimmy as he got a little closer she yelled for him to have someone call the Dr. "Get the Dr here now! His Lordship has collapsed! Get help Jimmy, right now. Please!" Watching him quickly turn and run back to the house gave Cora her first sense of hope in what seemed like hours but she knew was only minutes. Turning quickly she ran back to Robert and sank down on her knees next to his motionless body. His eyes were closed, his hands hanging limp against his sides. She leaned her head over his body and lay her ear against his chest and held her breath. 'Please God let him be breathing. Please God. Please oh Please' she thought as she listened for a heartbeat … baboom, baboom, baboom … thank Heaven! He was still alive. With shaking fingers she undid the tie at this neck and not sure what else to do she loosened the top button of his shirt and undid his waistcoat. Sybil would have known what to do, but she was at a loss. She could only make him more comfortable, more able to breathe with ease. By the time her shaking hands had complete the last waistcoat button Jimmy came bounding up beside her and dropped down next her. _

"_What happened?" he asked out of breath and full of concern. _

"_He just collapsed. He's breathing. We need to get him inside." _

_Jimmy leaned across and lifted Robert's wrist in his fingers and counted. "His pulse is weak my Lady, it's time we moved him."_

"_We can't drag him, we need help." A memory rushed into her brain of a dead Turkish diplomat and the way 3 women had moved his body through the house. She could not treat her husband in such a manner; he was alive and needed greater care. _

"_Barrow is almost here My Lady, Mr. Carson has rung for the Dr." By the tine his words were out Barrow arrived and between he and Jimmy they lifted Robert by the arms and legs. _

"_Be careful of him." Cora instructed as she jumped to her feet and took hold of his left side. _

"_My Lady we can take care of this." Barrow said, but one look from Lady Grantham shut him up. Her eyes were red and tearstained but fierce. _

"_He is my husband; I will help you get him home."_

_She only helped carry him less than a minute by the time Mosely, Carson and Ned from the stables showed up to help. Realizing they could do a better job than she Cora moved away and let the men carry her husband to their home as she trotted alongside them. Reaching the front door Tom came bounding down the stairs and across the foyer in one herculean movement. _

"_What happened?" he asked, the concern not hidden in his voice, the fear written in his eyes. Not waiting for a response he moved over to a puffing Mr. Carson, "Mr. Carson let me do this, if you could have Mrs. Hughes prepare for the Dr." Carson nodded and Tom took his place carrying Robert's limp body through the ornate foyer and up the stairs. They moved so quickly Cora had to jog to keep pace with them. _

"_Mama what is going on?" Edith's voice shrilled from the top of the stairs and her hand flew to her mouth, "Papa! Oh God is he Ok? Papa?!"_

"_Edith move" Cora knew she sounded harsh but she could see her daughter was in the way and the men needed to get Robert to a bed, "Go get Mr. Bates Edith, Now" Cora ordered Edith into reality and Edith flew down the stairs to complete her task. Reaching the door to his bedroom Barrow moved to open it. _

"_Bring him in here." Cora demanded flinging open her bedroom door. Seeing them all hesitate she straightened to her full height, "I said in here." _

"_Of course." Tom replied and the men moved him into his wife's room where she had pulled back the covers and they lay him down. Instinctively Tom took off Robert's shoes and placed them next to the bed, the other's taking a step back and staring as the reality of the situation began to wash over them. He had not moved in the 5 minutes it had taken them to get him inside. His eyes remained closed, he was breathing but it was weak. They watched as Lady Grantham climbed across the other side of the bed, her shoes falling to the floor with a soft clunk and she gently began removing his Lordship's waistcoat and positioning his head better on the pillows all the while telling him to hold on the Dr would be there soon. Not to leave her. Jimmy swallowed hard and looked away, Barrow dropped his head and Mr. Mosely stared in disbelief. It wasn't until Mrs. Hughes came rushing in followed by Mr. Carson, Edith and Mr. Bates that they snapped back to reality and left the room in one solemn stream. _

"Dr. Clarkson." Cora said sweetly rising from her chair to greet him as he walked in to the room. "I am glad to see you, although there has been no change since earlier this morning."

"Lady Grantham." Dr. Clarkson nodded at her and offered a reassuring smile. "I am glad his Lordship's condition has not worsened. I have been consulting with a physician in London over the telephone since I left and would like to take another look at His Lordship with an eye to a few new pieces of medical advice I have received."

Cora's face lit up, "Well that would be marvelous Dr. Of course, anything you need."

"Lady Grantham." Dr. Clarkson's voice contained an edge of caution, "I merely meant that I would like to check his Lordship and compare the results given some new information I received, not that I have a cure. I hope you know that. This is still very much out of our hands and still a waiting game I'm afraid."

Cora nodded her head, "I know that Dr. Clarkson, but I can't lose him … so I don't really care how many Dr's you need to confer with, or how many times you need to review your findings, as long as you do everything in your power to bring my husband out of this alive and well."

"I will do my best My Lady." Dr. Clarkson said earnestly.

"See that you do." And with that Cora walked through the joining door to her husband's room, sank to her knees and cried. 


	4. Not Awake

His hand slipped further down her back and she instinctively pulled closer against his firm chest, her heart beating faster and her pulse quickening. This was so unlike him. He had always been forward with her in the bedroom, they had never had problems in that regard, but out in the open, and so sensual … he was behaving very differently of late and Cora did not think she actually minded. No-one was here in this remote section of the estate. It was wooded, secluded, and he had been overtly attentive and seductive during their entire walk. It made her blush as she felt his eyes bore into hers. How was it possible that he could still make her knees weak after 37 years? Especially given their formal beginning. Yet here she stood in the cool outdoors pulled tight into her husband's embrace and she felt her skin burning where his eyes held. She unconsciously bit her lower lip and held her breath.

"You have never been more beautiful than is this very moment" his voice was breathy and soft, a caress against her cheek as he pulled her closer to him and she felt her body melt as if a block of ice in the sun. She wished she could think of something as beautiful to say back to him, to let him know how she loved him so, but no words came to her. The only word her mouth could form was his name.

"Robert" she sighed just before his lips found hers. 37 years of kisses and she was not tired of them in the least. It was like she had an addiction to his mouth and the more she tasted of him the more she wanted. Year after year she craved his lips on her and the touch of his hands on her body. His lips caressed hers with a gentle need that increased with every touch, with every taste. She felt his tongue sweep across her lips and she parted them eagerly, reaching her hands up to the back of his neck she pulled him closer and moaned into his mouth. How did he do this to her? She didn't care a wink where they were or how old they were or what his mother would think … all she could think of was him, his lips, the feel of his arms holding her close and the way her body reacted to every inch of his. He pushed her gently over to the nearest tree backing her up gently until her back touched it and he moved his lips from her mouth to her neck, she tilted her neck back and gave him greater access, holding his head there with her hands wound into his silver hair. She closed her eyes as she felt the heat of his breath on her throat and the slick wetness of his tongue made her body shake.

"You're trembling" he murmured against her collar bone as he kissed a trail of heat down her neck and back up slowly, agonizingly slowly.

"It's you" she sighed opening her eyes and gripping his shoulders to steady herself. Kissing his way back up her neck he came to her ear.

"Shall I stop then?" he asked, his lips touching her ear as the question came out. Cora closed her eyes again and took a long steady breath. The pulsing between her legs told her she would die if he stopped now, she shook her head quickly. "I need to hear it Lady Grantham." he whispered against her other ear, having kissed a path across her chest and back up the other side of her neck. Cora groaned softly as she felt his hand drop slowly down the side of her blouse and slide down the length of her skirt coming to rest on her right thigh, squeezing her leg beneath the material that covered it and sliding back up to her waist. Cora's mind had gone to complete mush, what was the question? Sliding her own hand back around his neck she opened her eyes and remembered. Stop? God no!

"Don't stop." Her voice was husky and breathless and it bought her husband's mouth off her neck and his face directly in front of hers. For several moments they stared at each other, their hands still, their bodies breathing in and out drinking in each other's air. When she thought she would faint with need Robert spoke.

"Oh God Cora." He crashed his lips back to hers as his hands slid her skirt up to her waist and fumbled about finding her undergarments. With the ease that comes from experience her found the garment and slid it down as Cora moved her legs helping get the offending items off her. Her own hands left his neck and undid his trousers, helping him free himself before he placed his hands underneath her backside and lifted her up, her legs moved around his waist and she gripped his shoulders once more as she felt him slide into her without hesitation. He filled her so completely and her body immediately reacted to him with pleasure, she sighed loudly and bit her lip as her pushed in and out of her against the tree. She was already close to coming undone beneath his touch when she felt a sharp pain in her lip and cried out loudly ….

… She sat up in bed and looked around the room suddenly confused. Her lip was in pain and she bought her fingers gently up to touch it and tasted blood at the same time. Blinking rapidly she tried to remember where she was. Fumbling around the bedside table she found a light and flipped it on. It illuminated her husband's bedroom and all at once she remembered. She stood and crossed to the mirror taking in her disheveled appearance, still dressed in the clothes she had been earlier … Dr. Clarkson. He had been there and she had come into Robert's room to give him some space. Her eyes fell to the spot on the floor she had collapsed in and cried. She must have cried herself to sleep because she remembered nothing more from the day. What time was it anyway? Was there even time anymore? Looking at her reflection she noticed a drop of blood on her lower lip and she wiped it away with her finger. It had been a dream. A cruel dream … a memory actually of the last time they had been together the day before … the day before it had happened. It had felt so real. It had all seemed so real that she had a dull ache between her thighs and she must have bitten her lip. Taking a quick breath she steadied herself and moved to the adjoining door to her room. For the briefest of moments she allowed herself to hope that he had waken since she had slept, that she would open the door and find him sitting up in bed reading or talking to Mary, or finishing a bowl of soup. Something. Anything that meant he was getting better, that he was himself again. For that moment, she was happy.

As quickly as her hope had come it had gone. Crumpled on the floor as she had been hours before. Tom sat at the side of Robert's bed reading aloud from a book she knew Robert would despise. It almost made her laugh had her gaze not fallen to Robert's body, tucked under the covers exactly as it had been when she was in here earlier. Nothing it appeared had changed. Tom stopped reading and looked toward the door as she stepped through it. He smiled and placed the book down on the bedside table.

"I was hoping to irritate him enough to wake him up." Tom gave a halfhearted laugh as he motioned to the book he had just let go of. "Robert enjoys getting his point across almost as much as I do, so I thought … well, it was worth a try anyway." He seemed sadder than Cora could remember hearing him, since the day's right after Sybil and it dawned on her with a guilty wave that she was not the only one suffering through Robert's heart attack. God … she had not allowed herself to even think those words since it had happened, but would could had denying it done. He wasn't sleeping, he wasn't tired, he had suffered a heart attack and no-one, not Dr. Clarkson, not know it all Isobel, not Violet, not Cora knew when or if he would wake up. She all of a sudden felt very selfish and moved slowly over to Tom. She laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

"It was very kind of you to try your best to irritate him." Tom let out a closed mouth laugh and looked up at Cora. For the first time she noticed his eyes were glassy, he was near tears and it made her want to hold him as a mother should. "No-one does as good a job of it as you do." Even Cora allowed herself to softly laugh for the shortest of seconds. Tom stood and turned to her.

"How do you feel?" he cleared his throat and Cora knew he was trying to gain control of his emotions.

She leaned forward and rubbed his elbow in a motherly way. "I had the most realistic dream about him, so even though I feel rested I am feeling rather sad I'm afraid." There was no point not being honest with him. How could she even hide what she felt from someone who had felt even worse than she … his wife was buried, gone, she still had that crumpled piece of hope lying around somewhere.

"I hope you aren't too sore. That floor looked very uncomfortable, I couldn't leave you there. I hope you don't mind. "

"You carried me to bed?" she asked tilting her head slightly. Sybil had chosen the best kind of man as her husband, a shot of sadness ran through her that Sybil and Tom had not had 37 years as she and Robert had … did.

"Well, I couldn't leave you like that." Tom ran a hand through his hair and gathered his book starting toward the door. "Besides, Robert would murder me when he wakes up if he thought I'd let you sleep on the floor of his room."

Cora smiled reassuringly at Tom feeling loved and comforted more than she had the last 2 days. "Thank you." She whispered.

Tom smiled at her, that sweet Irish smile Sybil had loved so much, "Well, how could I leave you there."

"No." Cora interrupted him, "Thank you for saying _when_ not í_f."_ Tom nodded and left the room. She didn't need to ask him if there had been any change, he would have told her if there had been and she could plainly see he was still not awake. Not awake … a step below sleeping; a step above a coma … Cora's knew definition for Robert was not awake.

"Oh Robert" she breathed sadly crossing the room to her side of the bed. Without thinking about it she climbed up next to him, curled her body up tight and lay next to him. If he was going to be not awake, then she would be not awake right next to him.


	5. Not Not Awake

"Cora" … "Cora" …

Cora Crawley was beyond exhausted. The few hours of sleep she had allowed herself over the last 48 … perhaps more like 60 hours now had done little to help aid her body. Her tiredness came more from emotion than lack of sleep and no amount of lying in Robert's bed in Robert's room would fix that. So she had crawled up next to him, allowed herself a few hours of being not awake next to her husband whose condition had not changed since his heart attack and collapse on ... Tuesday? Had it been Tuesday? She hated Tuesdays. A nothing day. Not the middle of the week, not the beginning, nothing to recommend it and now it would be the day her darling husband had suffered a heart attack and … the outcome was still hanging in the air.

Tuesday.

In the moments she had been not awake since he had collapsed she had been plagued by dreams. Vivid horrid dreams, one tormenting her of Robert's death, the other forcing her to endure the heated memory of their last encounter. She could not think which had been worse. What the future may hold, or what the future may never hold again? She was rather scared to dream now, and yet it appeared as if it was happening again. This time it was a strange sort of dream, no images, no feelings, just his voice soft and croaky, almost as if far away and yet she could hear it clearly saying her name.

"Cora… Cora." Why did the dreams have to haunt her when reality was difficult enough right now? She assumed it was nearly morning as the room seemed lighter, not full light, but getting close which meant another day had passed. He could not stay not awake much longer. Eventually his body would be desperate for food, for water and he would not be able to maintain the strength to survive without it. Cora shuddered at the thought and curled her body into a tighter ball allowing one arm to reach out and touch Robert's chest. If only he could be …

"Cora …" she stilled her hand a moment and lay entirely still holding her breath. "Cora …" There it was again. She had heard it, with her ears and not in a dream for she was truly awake and she knew it. Her eyes shot open and she sat up straight in the bed staring at her husband.

"Robert? Yes, Robert I'm here my darling, I'm right here." She bit her lip and choked back a sob as she gazed down at his lips as they moved to form her name.

"Cora … water." His voice was crackly and hoarse but she could hear him clear enough, his eyes struggled open and he looked at her as his heavy eyelids opened and shut several times.

"Yes. Yes Robert of course. Just one moment darling." Shifting off the bed she filled a glass and pulled the cord 4 times in a row. It was early still, but with things as they had been she was fairly sure Mr. Carson would have someone on call at all hours in case the Dr. was needed. Coming around to Robert's side of the bed she leaned over him and gently helped him lift his neck up to take a sip. He spluttered at first, coughed and heaved a little before opening his eyes fully and trying again. He took one small sip, then 2 more and laid his head back with a great effort. Cora laid one hand against his forehead and one on his arm and smiled the smile she had been holding onto for days.

"Oh Robert. You're … You're … here. My darling. You gave us quite a scare." She felt a tear run down her cheek and left it there. She did not care, nothing mattered except that Robert was not not awake, he had woken, spoke to her, and drunk water … in her eyes he had just won a race.

"My darling," she squeezed his hand in hers and ran her hand through his hair. "How do you feel?"

He opened and closed his eyes again as if keeping them open was a great effort. He coughed lightly and turned his head to the side to look at her, "Tired." She nodded and opened her mouth to speak shutting it when he continued speaking slowly, "My chest hurts … like I was punched. Throat hurts."

A soft knock on the door indicated she had indeed been correct and she called out for them to enter. Mrs. Hughes walked in and made to speak to Cora but covered her mouth with her hand when she looked at the bed and saw Lord Grantham's eyes open, his head turned, his color returning.

"Oh my word." She gasped, "Excuse me Your Lordship, My lady, I am so happy to see His Lordship awake."

"As am I Mrs. Hughes." Cora said turning her head to the housekeeper with a wide smile.

"Me too." Robert's voice was rough and uneven, but just the sound made both ladies smile.

"I'll call for the Dr. My Lady and send up some broth and the honey tea Dr. Clarkson suggested. And I will do it with an extra spring in my step if you don't mind me saying Your Lordship." Mrs. Hughes smiled warmly at no-one in particular before leaving.

"What … happened?" Robert's voice had gotten much weaker since he had first said Cora's name and she knew the effort for him to speak at all must have been incredibly taxing. Stroking his hair with her hand she made a soothing sound.

"Shhh, shhh … don't tire yourself darling. You had an episode; Dr. Clarkson can explain when he arrives. For now you just lie back and let me be your nursemaid."

By the time Dr. Clarkson had been and gone Robert was worn out and had gone back to sleep. Cora could not contain the smile that crept into her face throughout the afternoon and happily succumbed to Baxter's suggestion of a bath and change of clothes. She even made her way to the drawing room for afternoon tea with the family and took a few minutes to read a book to George and Sybbie. She drew the line at coming down for dinner, preferring to read a book in a chair next to her bed. Dr. Clarkson had said that what Robert needed most of was rest, small light meals, and above all no stress. He had encouraged them to leave Robert in bed for a few more days and then encourage him to get up, take small walks, keep resting, and have no stress. Cora found herself immersed in her new life's priority – nurse her husband back to health. She sighed at the thought of how her life had changed in the last 12 hours. Before she had lived in constant fear, her heart constricted and her stomach in constant knots. Robert's fate unknown. Now, the word relieved did not seem to do justice to what she felt. Her heart soared; her whole body seemed to float with the weight of the world removed from her shoulders and her husband on the road to recovery. Dr. Clarkson felt this was a mild episode considering. Robert would come through if he took the time to make a proper recovery. Cora had thought she had never heard news that wonderful in all her life and had had to hold herself back from hugging Dr. Clarkson as he delivered it. She would nurture Robert back to health. She would make sure he was better; she would take care of his every need until he was well again. Her face fell into a smile as Robert stirred and woke, his eyes fell upon hers and she beamed back at him as she leaned over and ran her hand through his hair.

"There you are." she gushed happily. "I am so glad you are resting, Dr. Clarkson was quite firm on that being your number 1 priority." Cora leaned over and placed a gentle kiss against Robert's forehead before turning to ring for assistance. "He was also firm on you eating and drinking plenty of water, I'll have something sent up and …"

"Send for Bates." Robert interrupted her, his tone was kind but clipped, "Please." He added as an afterthought.

"What do you need darling? I can do it." Cora offered helpfully coming back to the bed and adjusting his pillows. Robert pulled his head away and repeated his request.

"Send for Bates please. Perhaps Barrow too." Cora looked at him confused, she wanted to speak but she wasn't sure what to say, she didn't need to say anything however as Robert spoke again, "And send Tom up … I would like to move to my room and I will need their help."

Cora looked down at her husband and tried to make sense of the words he had uttered. Move? Why? He was not thinking straight. He was tired, and recovering.

Shaking her head Cora opened her mouth to speak but Robert cut her off briskly. "Please don't argue with me Cora, I am tired, I am unwell, just get me the help I need to move and you can have your bed back."

"But I don't want my bed back." She said softly unable to hide her hurt feelings. What was he thinking?

"I don't want to be in here. Not with you."


	6. Waking Nightmare

"_Not with you."_ The memory of his words cut like a knife slicing through her heart every time she thought of them. It had been a week and he had been hidden away in his room the entire time. The adjoining door which led to each other's rooms mocked her as she stared at it after she dismissed Baxter. Another night had passed, another morning dawned and still Robert had barely said 2 words to her. She had taken to sneaking into his room at night when she knew he would be in a deep slumber and watching his chest rise and fall in steady breaths. It reassured her to see him sleeping so peacefully and know that his recuperation was going so well. Without her. Always without her. He had made that clear the day after he had moved out of her bed. He didn't want her 'bothering' with him, Bates would help him, Tom could assist, even Mary was allowed to bring him books fro the library … but not Cora, never Cora. Dr. Clarkson had explained that often the recovery from a heart attack was a lonely process and the patient may act a little differently but it should pass. He had watched Cora as she had given him her best Lady Grantham smile keeping her shoulders back, her head held high. But once she was back in her room alone she had curled her hands around her middle and let out long silent sobs. Robert was not different; he was acting perfectly normal with everyone else, except her. She had already sworn to herself that she would not bother him with her concerns, he was recovering, food, rest, no stress had been his orders for a full recovery and she would not jeopardize that … no matter how much it hurt.

A soft knock on the door jolted her back to the present and she shifted her eyes off the adjoining door in time to see Mary and Edith walk into her room. It must be serious, for them to be here together she thought.

"Good morning Mama." Edith said sweetly as she crossed the room to place a kiss on her mother's cheek.

"Good morning Mama." Mary echoed following her sisters lead.

Oh God … it was serious. What were they up to?

"Good morning darlings." She said with a smile she only had to half force. She was happy to see them, of course she was, but Robert was always in the forefront of her mind and their unusual morning appearance had her instantly on edge. "To what do I owe this rather unexpected pleasure?" she asked reaching for some lotion and applying it to her hands. She rubbed them together eyeing her daughters suspiciously. Mary sat on the edge of her mother's bed while Edith lowered herself into the chair closest to the adjoining door. Robert's chair. Her heart clenched and she shook the thought from her mind.

"It's such a lovely morning we, that is Edith and I thought we could drive in to Ripon together, just us girls and blow away some cobwebs." Mary shrugged her shoulders in that easy way she did when she was being formal. She was trying too hard; Mary and Edith did not seek each other out for anything let alone a girls day.

"And Rose of course." Edith offered, "She is just changing, I suppose she didn't care for her dress this morning." Edith smiled and stole a glance at her sister quickly before looking back her mother.

"What do you say?" Mary asked raising her eyebrows.

Cora looked between her 2 daughters … Oh God, 2 daughters, not 3, it still hurt … "I don't know what you are both up to, but I am not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so yes. Ripon sounds lovely. When shall we leave?"

Edith jumped to her feet answering too quickly, "Right now. Rose is sure to be ready, Mary and I will just get our hats and see you downstairs." The girls left the room as quickly as they arrived leaving Cora to wonder what on earth they were up to, but thinking perhaps Ripon would do her some good.

They had been to Ripon for less time than the girls had wanted and they were making their objections abundantly clear. Cora had no choice however, Rose was dizzy and she flat out refused to allow them to stay any longer than luncheon. She had offered to send the car back for Mary and Edith if they wanted to stay but they were not to be pacified. She had felt like a very strict mother to her very adult daughters when she had quite firmly made the plans to return home. Rose had apologized profusely for ruining the trip and sent both Edith and Mary the most sincerely regretful gazes Cora could imagine. They were all being so terribly dramatic, but Rose was obviously coming down with something and Cora's alert was set to high in terms of medical issues of late. Ripon had been good for her though, her time there had helped her feel better and gain some perspective. Robert would not be purposely hurting her feelings at all; he was obviously out of sorts and with good reason. She had made a point of purchasing a bag of his favorite sweets while they were out and looked forward to going to his room and giving them to him, with a kiss and a good book to read out loud. He would love it, she was sure of it and the thought gave her greater comfort than she had felt in days.

Arriving at Downton Mary tried convincing everyone to have tea in the sitting room.

"Mary, we've only just finished Luncheon." Cora shook her head and eyed her daughters suspiciously before sending Rose up to bed. "Carson, please have Anna take some headache powder up to Lady Rose and a tall glass of water." Carson turned and moved to fulfill her request as Cora began removing her hat and moved through the foyer toward the stairs. What she saw at the bottom made her stop in her tracks.

"Robert!" she gasped, her hand paused on top of her head in the process of removing her hat. There stood her husband taking one slow step at a time and headed toward the stairs, Tom at his side to aid him if he needed help. They both turned in her direction, Robert's eyes taking in her appearance with a look of surprise before glancing at Mary and Edith. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Mary mouth "Sorry" to her father. What was going on? "Robert. How wonderful you are up and walking."

Tom answered her as Robert began the slow process of taking the stairs one at a time, holding to the banister for support. "Yes, he has done marvelously well today. I haven't offered him a shoulder to lean on once this time." Tom flinched as he heard his words and shut his eyes in regret.

"This time?" Cora looked from Tom to Robert, to the girls and back to Robert. "What does he mean this time Robert?" Cora was confused. Robert had been recovering in his room. Sleeping when she went in there. Not wanting to see people really but allowing others in and pretty much ignoring her. But it was just his beginning recovery stages she had told herself. Getting up and about would help him she had thought. When no answer came she turned her gaze to Tom, "Tom?"

Tom scratched the back of his neck nervously looking at Robert for help. Robert continued taking one step at a time and moved forward determinedly. "Uh, well … this is Robert's 3rd walk Cora. He's been making great progress, so that is good news."

Cora should have been happy to hear this news, ecstatic in fact, but all she felt was deceived. "Why have you all been hiding it from me?" she asked to no-one in particular. No-one gave her an answer and Tom looked to Robert with a silent plea. The silence filled the stairway with an uneasy feeling and yet no-one responded. Cora looked at her husband and demanded an answer with her eyes.

"Because I didn't want you to know." Robert answered coolly. If he had slapped her face it would have been less shocking to her, she looked from Mary to Edith, to Tom and lastly to Robert before she found her words.

"Very well then." She said quietly, before making her way quickly up the stairs. Closing the door to her room she sunk to her bed and wept once again.

Week after week Cora watched as if a bystander in her husbands recovery. She watched from the library window as he walked with Tom, with Mary, with Edith, even with Rose. She watched him getting stronger, walking for longer periods, standing more erect, becoming more himself and it killed her a little inside that she was not involved. He pushed her away with every effort she made to assist him and eventually she simply stopped asking to help. By the forth week he had begun to come down for meals without assistance and for the most part he behaved relatively normally. He spoke a little softer than usual and drank less, but he was mostly himself. Cora could see little ways he moved more carefully still feeling the effects of his heart attack, but by the fifth week even those were mostly gone. He was in almost every way back to normal, every way but with her. She had plenty of time to observe him being kept at arms length as she was. She had observed his progress, discussed his advancements with Dr. Clarkson, kept appraised of his daily activities from Tom and the girls, but Robert still kept her from him. She had lost count of the number of times she had cried over him. Lost count of the times she had gone over everything in her head trying to find a reason for his dismissal of her. She came up with nothing, nothing except the thought that haunted her 'perhaps his heart attack and changed his heart'. It made her shiver.

6 weeks of being pushed aside drew to a close as one evening Cora walked into the library following dinner looking for a book. She had nearly crossed to the other side of the room when she saw Robert carrying a rather large pile of books to his desk. Out if instinct she moved to him and tried to take the books from him. She knew he was recovered, knew he was almost back to normal now but visions of him collapsing still haunted her and she would do what she could to prevent s repeat performance.

"Leave it I'm fine." He said coolly. He didn't even look at her and it made her blood run cold. 6 weeks she had tried. 6 weeks she had held her tongue not wanting to stress him during his recovery, but now … she had her limits and he had just reached them. She snapped.

"Why won't you let me help you? Why must you shut me out?" Cora was desperate to know what had become of her husband. He had been sweet and attentive, then the heart attack and now he was distant and cold. Her greatest fear was that the attack had changed him changed his heart and she needed to know.

"Cora not now." He said briskly, trying to brush her off.

"When? It has been 6 weeks since your heart attack Robert." Cora's patience had worn thin and she was ready to have it out with him. He was better now he was himself in all ways but with her.

"Don't let's talk about it." He moved to walk away from her and stopped at her words.

"It happened. Whether you like it or not it happened and it could have killed you and it nearly destroyed me." Her confession hung in the air like a dark cloud.

"Cora that is quite enough." He said softly, he did not want to do this with her, not now, not here.

"I watched you collapse in front of me with my own eyes and I thought my life was over, and now you are healed and I feel almost as bad as watching you fall to your knees on the lawn." He could see her starting to heat up. The anger she felt towards him bubbling to the surface.

"Stop it. Stop it please." He rubbed his forehead in his hands and steadied himself.

"Why do you push me away? I have done nothing but sit at your bedside and cry and plead with God to save you and now you are saved and you treat me as if I am nothing to you."

"No of course not … God no." she had taken it all wrong, of course he had known that would happen but what could he have done?

"Then what?" she felt tears begin to track down her face and she wiped at them with her fingers.

"Don't cry." Robert reached his arm out to comfort her and she turned from him.

"Why? Will it make you uncomfortable Robert? Too much emotion for you? I'm sorry." She threw her hands in the air and turned on him, he took a step back when he saw the look on her face. She was fierce and angry and a force to be reckoned with. "I have kept my peace to keep you away from stress, but God Robert … what do you want from me? I'm sorry that your near fatal episode caused me emotion! I am sorry that I felt my heart tear as if ripped from my chest when you wouldn't wake! I am sorry that I plead with God for you to be safe! I am sorry I cried myself to sleep on the floor of your room because I couldn't stand the thought of you leaving me! I am sorry …" Cora's tirade was baked, dipped and smothered in sarcasm, there was no way Robert could dismiss her anger or mistake her point. Her arms were flailing as she spoke and she was walking forward with each point she made, his steps in retreat until they were almost backed to a library shelf of books. He reached out in the middle of her angry outburst grasping her wrist in his hand and gripping it tight.

"I didn't want you to see me as an invalid." His answer was clear and stern and stopped Cora mid sentence. His hand held her wrist in the air and her breathing was heavy and ragged from her spirited outburst. His eyes locked on hers and he could not stand the thought of her thinking him an invalid, an old sickly man in need of help for every task. He wanted her to think of him as strong, virile, and masculine. He wanted to feel of himself that way, with her, and with one swift motion he slid his arm around her waist flinging her around thrusting her back against the library shelving. A book fell to the floor a few feet away with a dull thud, just as Robert's lips crashed against his wife's.


	7. Regrets

_This was supposed to be the last chapter but once again I got carried away. One more chapter for the conclusion of what was supposed to be a 2-3 chapter fic and got way out of hand. Thanks for baring with me and the lovely reviews. I have a horrible fear that JF may end the series with a Robert health scare or worse. The horror. _

Cora let Robert kiss her for longer than she should of but damn that man, it felt so good. His body pressed against hers as her back leaned against the books on the shelves of the library and the uncomfortable prodding of the book spines irritated her back. She barely noticed though, she wrapped her arms around his neck and gave into his embrace. The feel of his lips frantically engulfing hers was intoxicating. She had missed him, yearned for him, been desperate for some inkling from him that his heart was not changed, that they were alright. Now his lips molded to hers in frantic passionate need, his tongue slipping between her lips and touching hers with desperation. He let go of her wrist and his hands came down to hold either side of her face before drifting down her side to rest on her hips. The fire his touch made caused her to gasp and Robert used the opportunity of her mouth widening to deepen the kiss. It was then that Cora remembered herself, remembered how he had pushed her aside for 6 weeks only to want her sexually now. She could feel his want pressing against her thigh and it made her angrier. Who did he think he was dealing with? 6 weeks of effectual silence from him would never be rewarded with him satisfying himself with her in the library. It was cheap and made her angrier than she could remember being in recent memory. Placing her hands flat against his chest she pushed him away from her feeling the coolness of their distance overcome her body. Damn that man for making her want him that way. After the way he had treated her, after the last 6 weeks of nothing to go and confuse things that way was too much for her.

"Cora … I …" his voice was breathless fro their kiss and his eyes confirmed the desire she knew he felt. She would not pity him. Not after the way he had treated her. Without a word she stormed out of the room slamming the library door behind her. She told herself not to let the hot tears stinging her eyes to fall, not now, not this time, she had already shed too many.

Robert stood alone in the library after watching his wife leave, flee was probably a better word, or escape, run, exit … maybe retreat, yes retreat was the best word of all. He ran a hand through his hair and leaned the other against the bookshelf taking several deep breaths. He needed to regain control and let himself calm down. It had been 6 weeks since he had been aroused that way and his body was not ready to believe that he had messed the whole thing up. He had made a mess of things and it had not been clear to him until this moment how terrible of a mess he had created. She still wanted him, at least that much he knew. He had felt it in the way she returned his kiss, the fact that she had allowed it to go on so long, he had never truly doubted as much … but somewhere in the back of his mind he had allowed one little doubt to set up camp and fester there. That doubt had told him that his beautiful vibrant wife would think of him as a man to be nursed instead of loved, a man who couldn't be trusted to walk across the lawn without collapsing in front of her. God, she had helped carry him back to the house or so he had been told. He had worried she would begin to look at him differently, with pity, with patience, with the kindness one reserved for the elderly and infirm. She had announced to him the moment he had woken that she would be his nursemaid and begun to coddle him instantly. He could not allow it to continue, he could not allow her to view him any differently than she had and had decided distance to recover was best. He should have known she would not let it go. He should have known it would hurt her feelings, he should have known she would take it the wrong way – but he had not been well, regardless of how much he wished he could forget the whole episode. He had been not quite himself, not well enough to understand what the consequences would be but by the time he became aware he was in too deep to change. He had spent the better part of 2 weeks trying to come up with a plan, a way to apologize and make things right with Cora, but he had not managed to get to his plan before tonight. Then she had yelled, gotten good and mad at him and her face had flushed. Her chest heaved and her breath had been ragged and he had lost control. He couldn't help it. When he had looked at her he had seen her the way she was their last time together, against the tree and out of breath and he had needed to be close to her. At first he thought she would not welcome his advances, but then she had wrapped her hands around his neck and opened her mouth to him and he had lost all sense of control. He had ground his erection against her thigh and practically consumed her mouth with his. He had wanted her and all of her and then it had been over. The sound of the door opening brought him back to himself and he pushed away from the library shelving and turned to the door. Part of him wished it was Cora, but he knew it would not be. He had hurt her more than he knew and cursed his stupidity.

"Papa." Mary entered the room registering her surprise to see her father still awake. "You are in here rather late." Her hair was down and she was in her nightgown and robe. He nodded and moved to his desk picking up one of the books he had placed there and tilting his head toward it.

"I was bringing down a pile of books which accumulated on my room, and perhaps looking for another." He explained sadly. Mary walked to the settee and picked up the book she had left there earlier.

"I forgot this." She explained looking at her father with a questioning gaze. He looked sad; she knew he was holding something back. "Is everything ok Papa?" she sat on the settee and looked down at the floor before returning her gaze to his face. He had flinched noticeably when she had asked the question; she thought she had an inkling what this may be about. "Does it have anything to do with why Mama was thundering up the stairs just now with a ferocious look on her face?"

Robert let out a long breath, "I fear I may be a foolish and an old man Mary." He answered before taking a seat opposite his daughter.

Mary shrugged her shoulders, "Well we all know that." She smirked and enjoyed the smile that played momentarily at his lips, they were all just so lucky he was still there, things had been so dark for those days when he was not responding. They shared a comfortable silence for several seconds before Mary spoke again. "I take it Mama has finally had enough of being kept out of your recuperation." It was a statement, not a question, "And as usually she is much more patient than I would have been." 

Robert shook his head and spoke softly. "I thought that if I could regain my strength, if I could get back to being myself without her assistance that I would spare her the burden."

"Oh honestly," Mary rolled her eyes in frustration, "Why ever would you think that? You know what she is like."

"I thought it would be best." He admitted solemnly.

"I tried to tell you …" Mary did not continue her thought and trailed off as she took in her father's expression. He truly was saddened by whatever had happened between her parents. She had known it would be a bad idea to help her father keep her mother in the dark, but he had been so ill and he had been so persuasive. She had wanted to do whatever was helpful for him to recover, and now there were consequences.

"I know. I know that now." He looked toward the door which Cora had stormed out of such a short time ago. "I thought that, somehow if I kept that from her she would still look at me in the same way and not as a … an invalid old man." He looked to his hands and took a deep breath; Mary stood and crossed to him placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Say that to Mama." She pleaded; he looked at her, "Please." He nodded slowly and watched as Mary walked back out the door with her book tucked in her arms. She had given him this same advice once before, after Sybil had died and he had not followed it. The results had nearly been disastrous for his marriage, for him. He sat for nearly an hour contemplating the mess that he had created. The thoughts that had dominated his mind these last weeks, the way things had turned out. He thought of the kiss he had shared with his wife and the way she had wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back eagerly for a time. He thought of her, Cora, even whispered her name out loud and he knew he had to speak to her. He had to throw himself at her forgiveness and beg, no … grovel for her forgiveness and make things right. Standing he moved swiftly toward the door and contemplated for the briefest of moments what his life would be like if she could not accept his words. He would rather relive his heart attack than think about such an outcome and made his way steadily to her room.


	8. In Sickness and In Health

Baxter had been and gone. She was ready for bed yet she couldn't even begin to think about sleeping. She thought for a moment that Robert would follow her, make some grand declaration and back her against the wall once more kissing the air right out of her. But it hadn't happened and at this point she didn't think she wanted it to happen. She was livid with him. He was well and truly recovered, in all areas if the strain in his pants had been anything to go by, and still he had kept her at arms length. She climbed out of bed and walked to her window looking out into the darkness. The moon was bright tonight and the stars twinkled in that way they could only manage when the night sky was cloudless and perfect. She wrapped her arms around herself and pulled the extra blanket from the bed to wrap around her shoulders. When she couldn't sleep she found comfort visiting the nursery and decided to do so now. Her grandchildren were the only perfect things in this house and she loved them dearly. They had never pushed her away or not wanted her around, in fact quite the opposite. They relished the time she visited their nursery and giggled when she let them into the sitting room with the adults for afternoon tea. Seeing them snuggled in their beds sleeping soundly would help heal Cora's bruised heart. Slipping on her night shoes she walked to the door and opening it walking straight into the hallway, right into the chest of her husband standing on the other side of her door.

"Robert!" she exclaimed in surprise. She had supposed he had long since gone up to bed, long since ignored their adjoining door once again and fallen into a blissful sleep all alone. Yet here he was, the warmth of his hands touching her elbows as he had braced her for the impact he had seen coming irritated her and she stepped back taking in his appearance. He was still dressed from dinner and his hair disheveled as if he had been running his hands through it. Or that could have been her hands in the library? She wasn't sure.

"You are still awake." He stated the obvious with a careful tone before clearing his throat. "I thought perhaps I might, that is I would like to talk with you if you don't mind."

Cora could see he was feeling rather vulnerable and tried to tell herself to be gentle with him but the irritation in her flared and she stiffened her back to gain her full composure.

"I was going to see Mary" she lied, "She has been waiting for me to help her with a … problem." She couldn't think why she had felt it necessary to lie but it had come out so easily she had just gone with it. Perhaps she didn't want him to know how wounded she really was. Perhaps she thought it would punish him if she lied, but he wouldn't know the truth anyway so it was really just pointless. She let out an annoyed huff and placed her hands on her hips. "Excuse me Robert." She stepped to the side to move around him but he placed a hand gently against her hip stopping her movement and causing her a shiver of excitement. _Damn him._

"Cora, I know you have no such plans with Mary, and I understand you are upset with me. If we could just talk for a moment … in your room … I could …"

"So now that you want to talk it's a good time. How convenient." She snapped taking a step back and breaking the contact of his hand against her hip and she felt her body react to the loss of him. She wanted to stay mad at him and have her say but when he touched her she lost all ability to think clearly. Opening her mouth to make another snappy comment she looked at her husband's face, and could not help but close her mouth and keep silent as she once again relived the moment of his collapse over in her mind. In that moment all those weeks ago she would never have pushed him away or ignored his pleas. In that moment she would have given anything to talk with him, and a rush of pain flooded through her. She thought this experience would have bought them closer to each other, and here she felt further from him that she had in years. As if reading her thoughts Robert placed a hand at the small of her back and spoke softly.

"Please Cora."

She allowed him to lead her back through the doorway and into her room, closing the door behind them. Cora walked to her vanity and slipped off her night shoes while pulling the blanket off her shoulders, tossing it on the end of the bed before turning to face her husband. He looked different than he had in weeks, softer maybe, humbled perhaps, she couldn't place her finger on it but he was different and she felt her heart break at the sight of him.

Several minutes seemed to tick by in silence as Cora faced her husband who looked at her with a softness she had forgotten he had. He toyed with the sleeves of his jacket momentarily before looking her in the eyes. Unable to take any more of the silence Cora spoke softly.

"Speak Robert." She sat on the edge of the bed and turned to face him once more.

"Cora … I feel I must apologize for the way I … downstairs that is, I should not have kissed you in that manner and …"

"That's what you wanted to say to me?!" Cora rose to her feet once more and placed her hands on her hips. She had felt gently towards him for the last few minutes, but now she was mad again. Of all the things to apologize for he chose the one moment of intimacy they had shared in weeks.

"Uh ... well yes, it was wrong of me to force myself on you and … you are my wife and I should never …"

"If that's all you are here to say then you can leave." Cora took a step toward him extending her hand to the adjoining door to his room before raising he voice to an angry yell … "I SAID LEAVE!"

Robert stood still taking in the sight if his wife in her anger. He knew it was wrong that his first thought was how beautiful she looked when angry but that was his first thought nonetheless. Her cheeks flushed red and her eyes took on the appearance of blue ice, she was a force to be reckoned with in moments like these. It took him a few moments to realize she had taken several steps toward him and was still yelling at him. What had she said after she told him to leave? Something about how dare he …. What was that … ignoring her? He had to speak, he had to do something but he was transfixed by her. When finally she was standing directly in front of her he reacted in the only way that he could, he wrapped his arms around her waist quickly pulling her to him and crashing his lips to hers. God she was a passionate woman, angry and passionate and alive. She made him feel more than he could ever explain, and with her in his arms he was a King. His lips molded to hers. The palms of her hands pressed against his chest in an attempt to push away but he wouldn't let her. He had to let her know. He had to break through the wall that he had helped erect between them. With all that he had he kissed her. His tongue slipped between her angry lips and traced the inside of her mouth finding her tongue and meeting it there in a sensual battle. The more she pushed against him the more he kissed her. He pulled away from her lips and kissed her neck breathing heavily against her body, tasting the heat of her, the passion in her. "You are so beautiful angry." he whispered against her ear. It was the last straw, Cora pushed him away with one well timed shove and then he felt her hand crack across his face as she slapped him straight across his cheek.

"What is wrong with you?" she hissed as he held one hand to his cheek in shock.

"I can't believe you hit me." he was as surprised as he had been in recent memory; she had never hit him before. He wasn't sure what to do. She had been right of course; he was a beast and had treated her so poorly since his heart attack and she had no understanding as to his thoughts. He understood, but in that moment what overcame him was the humor of the whole thing. His delicate wife had pushed him away and slapped his cheek as if he were some unwanted rogue. He should probably be hurt or upset or mad, but all he felt was humor. She was so irritated with him she had slapped him and he couldn't help but laugh.

Cora took in the sight before her, her husband's cheek red from her hand as it struck him, his eyes wide in surprise, and his whole body laughing … why was he laughing? Did nothing make sense anymore? She had never hit him, never been tempted, but she had simply reached her boiling point.

"Robert?" she was not sure what was happening. He had kissed her again with a desperation she also felt. Truth be told if he had not said what he did she was seconds away from giving in to him, but his words had made her mad and she reacted in frustration. He backed away to the seat he favored in her room and continued to laugh. Cora was not sure what to do next, not sure what she felt exactly. IF he would stop laughing maybe they could discuss it.

"Robert … are you alright?" she moved slowly over to the chair where he sat and knelt before him. She had hit a man who had just recovered a heart attack, she had been so foolish. "I … I am sorry Robert I shouldn't have hit you, but … honestly why are you laughing? You have me quite worried." She placed her hand on his knee and looked up at his face. When had he laughed this hard before? She couldn't recall. She felt his hand cover hers with an affectionate squeeze and relief rushed through her. He was alright, he was just completely tickled that she had slapped him. She waited. He laughed. She waited some more.

Taking a deep breath Robert wiped the moisture from his eyes with the back of his free hand and helped pull Cora up with his other before reaching for her and bringing her to sit on his lap. She did not fight him, perhaps she felt after slapping him he deserves this one break in her anger, whatever the reason she allowed it and he slid his hand around her waist drawing her closer to him. She let out a sigh before speaking in a more gentle tone than before.

"Robert I …" Cora began before being cut off by Robert's finger coming gently to her lips to quiet her.

"Please, let me speak darling." He said evenly, his voice raspy from his laughter and the events of the evening. He leaned his forehead against hers and took a breath quickly before leaning back and gathering his thoughts.

"Robert I am so confused I …" Cora stopped talking when Robert looked at her face, she knew he wanted to talk and she was so very tired of being angry at him. The violent red mark that flashed across his cheek was testament to her anger and she knew that she had made her point. He knew how she felt; she closed her mouth so she could hear how he felt.

"Cora. I am sorry." He reached up with his free hand and touched her cheek gently with his palm watching as the action caused her to close her eyes and lean against his hand for a moment. Opening her eyes he saw the shine of tears in them and he swallowed hard. He had done this to her. He had made her feel this way. Foolish man. Foolish old man. "I never meant to hurt you my darling. You have to know I would never hurt you purposely, I just couldn't have you see me that way." He looked away from her face as the shame washed over him. God he had made a mess of things.

"But why would you keep me at arms length and let everyone else help you?" she asked the question softly, her anger gone and the hurt returning as her tears threatened to fall.

"I needed help, I couldn't do it by myself." His voice had lost much of its power and he kept his gaze away from her face.

"I wanted to help you." Her words hit him like another slap to the face and he closed his eyes to shield himself from the blow. Of course she wanted to help him, but he couldn't let her do that. When he didn't answer after several seconds she pressed, "I wanted to help you Robert. I am your wife. I love you. Why wouldn't you let me help you?" he responded in silence again and Cora felt her anger returning at his lack of response. "Robert!"

"Because I couldn't have you see me like that!" he snapped the words out quickly and rose to his feet moving her off his lap as he did, he turned his back to her and walked to the wall bracing one hand against it and hanging his head.

"Like what? Who do you think sat at your bedside day in and day out while you lay motionless Robert? Who do you think screamed and ran for help when you collapsed in front of them?" she rose her voice again but not in anger, it was conviction that she had now as understanding started to form in her mind. He was embarrassed; he was proud, too proud.

"An invalid Cora!" he spun around to face her and flew his hand through the hair motioning to his body, "An old man! An elderly, sick, old man who can't be trusted to walk the stairs alone, or eat his soup without help … God! How could you want to see that?!"

"I love you! Is there something about that you don't understand? I love you … for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health Robert … I love you all the time and I wanted to help you." Why couldn't he see that? Why didn't he know that she loved him more than life?

"I couldn't let you see me that way Cora, I just couldn't." he looked away from her and sighed deeply.

"Is your pride really that important to you?" she nearly whispered her words fearing his response. What if his pride was really that important? More important than her. More essential to him than she was. The thought made her stomach churn and she clasped her hand to her stomach.

"No!"

"Then what?! I deserve to know!" she closed the gap between them and stood directly in front of him forcing him to look at her, forcing a response.

"I couldn't fail you like that. I couldn't let you see me failing at being a man. I have made mistakes in my life Cora but at least you have always seen me as a man, at least I have always been able to take care of you and protect you … who would I be if I couldn't so that?" he looked away let out a deep sigh as the weight of his confession was finally free of him.

Cora took a step closer until her body was flush with his and bought her hand to his cheek pulling his face towards hers. "You would be what you always have been. My husband. The father of my children. The only man I have or will ever love. None of the rest of that matters, not to me." He started to speak but she reached up and brushed her lips against his for a delicate kiss. He pulled back after a moment and shook his head.

"I'm sorry Cora, I shouldn't have kissed you before, I shouldn't have burdened you with this, I shouldn't …"

Cora pulled her hand up to wrap around his neck while nodding her head. "Yes. Yes you should. You should and I want you to." She reached up to whisper in his ear. "And I want you." She felt him shudder and try to pull away, but she wrapped her other hand around his neck and moved her lips to his again, kissing him again. "Please Robert" she murmured against his lips. He was fighting her on this, she knew he was. After his confessions she knew he was more than likely worried about things being as they were before, but after the way he had kissed and touched her body twice this evening she knew he wanted them to be. She slid her tongue slowly across his lower lip and teased her way to enter between his lips and met his tongue in a gentle, sensual kiss that made her feel dizzy with want.

Pulling away he spoke with a raspy voice, "I can't" he laid his forehead against hers and breathed her in. He wanted her, he needed her, but he was frozen by fear.

Cora pulled her body against his and ran one hand across his broad shoulder and down his arm as the other hand remained clasped around his neck. She leaned up and kissed his neck, hot wet kisses that allowed her to taste the maleness of his skin and her body shiver in response. "You can" she murmured against his throat, "You can." She felt his hand reach around and grasp her by the waist pulling her closer. She could feel his desire pressed against her thigh and her whole body sighed with need. She kissed her way to his ear and whispered, her voice husky and dripping in desire, "I need you … please!"

It was the please that undid him. His body had been responding to her nearness for weeks and Dr. Clarkson had given him the medical clearing to resume 'all activities' over a week ago. He had been watching her from afar since that time, noticing the curves of her body as she moved, watching with jealousy the way her hands rested on her hips, or the way she rested them against her knees. He had been in a constant state of arousal for over a week and it had led to his 2 frantic kisses he had forced upon her tonight. But deep down he had been afraid, afraid he would not measure up anymore. That he would fail in this, the last thing he had with her that had not been tainted by his heart attack. And then she had said please. Asked him, begged him, said she needed him … all thought had vanished and he had wrapped his other hand around her waist and moved to capture her lips with his kissing her with 6 weeks of need and passion as he moved her backwards toward the bed. She wrapped both hands around his neck burying her hands into the hair at the nape of his neck and returning his kisses with an equal amount of heat and want.

"Oh Robert" she murmured against his lips as his kiss slowed and he slid his hands from her waist to her shoulders then down the side of her nightdress. "Make love to me … please." He groaned at her words and felt her hands move to help him remove his jacket before beginning on his tie. He turned his focus to removing his pants, still kissing her and whispering his own needs to her.

"Oh God Cora … I have wanted you for weeks." She sighed and began work on his shirt buttons as he shimmied his pants off kicking them aside. Kissing her neck, kissing her collar bone, lapping at her skin with his tongue he felt himself again. He felt powerful and masculine and the husband she deserved. When she had managed to free him of his shirt she ran her hands along his chest and tilted her neck back allowing him greater access to kiss and tease her sensitive areas along her neck. He quickly complied with long passionate kisses there as she ran her hands along his bare chest.

"Show me how strong you are." She murmured breathlessly as she felt his hands gripping her waist. She knew he needed to feel power in this moment. Knew this was not just as simple as the two of them making love as they had done so many time before, for him this was a milestone, a sign he was himself, a man, a husband in every sense of the word. She heard him growl in his throat before she felt his hands clench tighter around her waist and lifting her off the floor and throwing her onto the bed. The rush she felt at his obvious show of masculinity surprised her. She had thought she would make this experience an encouragement for him, a way to stroke his ego ad male pride in his virility … she did not take into consideration the flush of excitement that would course through her veins and the added desire she felt at her husbands physical prowess. If she hadn't wanted him before, that one movement had made her want him completely. Her mouth opened in desire and surprise as she watched him remove the last of his undergarments and she leaned back on her elbows. She would not have been able to hide her desire if she tried, her eyes dark with lust, her chest heaving up and down. Her legs were bent and slightly parted causing her nightgown to slip between them. When Robert was finished undressing he stood at the edge of the bed gazing at her, the intensity of his desire made her swallow hard, her pulse race.

Then he was upon her, holding his body above hers with his arms on either side of her face, his body nestled between her legs, his manhood pressing against her and his lips crashing upon hers with all the passion she had seen on his face. She reached up to cup his face before running her fingers along the muscles of his back and back up the front of his chest. He murmured her name against her lips and she gasped in pleasure as he pressed himself further against her. She wanted him now. She was sick of waiting. Weeks of her frustration and anger had kindled to this moment and she was aching for him.

"Please, Robert …God, please!" she begged into his mouth and felt his body tremble in response. He sat back onto his knees and pulled her nightgown up over her body leaving her to finish pulling it over her head as he pulled away her undergarments and took in the sight of her nakedness with a low moan. He ran his hands along the lengths of her thighs, up over her hips and across the swell of her breasts and listened to her almost cry out in agonizing anticipation. They had had their fill of sickness and miscommunication and recovery. They had both been in a heightened state for too long. Too many years of having each other whenever they liked had made their bodies painfully aware of what they had been missing all these weeks. Just when Cora thought she would have to beg him again he lay against her body, slipping into her with ease and satisfaction that made them both gasp and still their bodies to enjoy the moment. Several moments passed as they both enjoyed the feeling of being joined once again, of being a part of each other, of being one. Then she lifted her legs to wrap around his waist and reached her arms around his neck pulling his face to her lips and he began to move against her. Their joining finally bringing them back together, their bodies finally as they should be. Not old, not young, not anything but each others. In sickness and in health … forever.


End file.
