1. Not Thinking

**A/N: Note that this takes place during season six after Kathy left with the kids, and for the purposes of this story Eli is and will not be in existence. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, though I would like to give Dick Wolf a piece of my mind one of these days :)**

Chapter One

Not Thinking

June 5th, 2004

Elliot slumped down on the couch in his small one bedroom apartment that was now his permanent home for the foreseeable future. His divorce from Kathy had gone through that afternoon and though part of him was telling him that this was a good thing, "For the kids' sake.", Kathy had said, he couldn't shake this depressed feeling. Deep down he knew that it was because throughout the years their marriage of necessity had grown into one of love. He wasn't sure if he loved her because she had given him a beautiful family, or if it was because he truly loved her. Either way, it still stung when she asked him that afternoon when he was going to come by to get the rest of his things.

He'd agreed to stopping over that weekend, but it was only Friday and he desperately needed to distract himself from the whole situation. He pulled his phone from his pocket and sent off a quick text to his partner.

YOU DOING ANYTHING TONIGHT?

Her reply came back within a couple of minutes.

NOPE. WHAT'S UP?

PIZZA AND A MOVIE AT MY PLACE? NEED TO GET MY MIND OFF A FEW THINGS.

He smiled at her reply.

SURE I'LL BRING THE BEER.

He put his phone away, grateful that she hadn't asked questions right away. He'd told her a few months ago that he and Kathy were going through a rough patch and she had also been the first to know when he had moved out. In both instances she hadn't been nosey and whenever he received any angry phone calls from Kathy she had covered for him without question.

He dialed the number for the pizza place on the corner and ordered their usual, requesting extra onions on half, not a topping he particularly favored, but it was Olivia's favorite and he figured he could suck it up. The pizza arrived just a few minutes before she did and he was just setting out napkins and paper plates on the coffee table when there was a knock on the door.

He opened the door with a smile and took a few bags from her hands, "I thought you were just bringing the beer?"

"Well I was," she laughed setting a six-pack on his counter with the other bags, "but I wasn't sure what movie we were watching and each genre gets a different type of candy so..." She dumped out the content of the grocery bags on the counter, "I bought an assortment."

Elliot laughed, his eyes traveling over the pile of candy and chocolate. He picked up a box and held it up to her, "Twizzlers for...?"

"Scary movies, a good candy to chew on in suspense." She answered automatically.

"Gummy bears?"

"Comedy."

"Skittles?"

"Action."

"Raisinettes?"

"Obviously musicals." She grinned, laughing when he rolled his eyes at her.

"Oh, of course. Ummm...Sour Patch Kids?"

"Drama." She grabbed the last bag off the counter and walked into the living room.

"Wait what were those?" He called grabbing them each a beer before following her.

"Chocolate covered peanuts." She responded plopping down on the couch.

"So what kind of movie do those go with?" He popped the caps off their beers, handing her one.

"Actually I just made all of that up." She laughed at the look on his face and grabbed a piece of pizza. "Did you really think I was being serious?"

"Well yeah." He grumbled taking a swig of his beer. "You seemed pretty serious to me."

"I'm sorry to have misled you so cruelly Stabler." She apologized with a smile. "I really just walked into the grocery grabbed the beer and a few bags of candy."

"And the whole thing in my kitchen…?" He asked grabbing a piece of pizza.

"Totally spontaneous." She replied before digging into her food.

They ended up watching Wedding Crashers, Elliot opting for comic relief instead of anything too heavy, and they each ate their respective bags of candy. The movie was over by nine, but neither of them was ready for Olivia to leave so they just sat on the couch for a while talking. It was nearing ten-thirty when she got up to leave, but when they reached his front door Elliot suddenly wanted nothing else but for her to stay.

"This was really fun El, we should do it again." She said as she reached for the doorknob.

Elliot grabbed her hand and spun her around to face him, "Don't go."

Olivia was stunned with both his request and their sudden close proximity to one another; she could feel his breath tickle her cheek, "El, I-it's late..."

His hand came up to cup her cheek and her eyes closed as she leaned into his caress. She took a deep breath, trying to push away those ever present feelings for the man in front of her and was about to try and leave again when his lips were suddenly on hers. Olivia was only shocked momentarily and she soon responded, moving her lips in steady rhythm with his. She had dreamed of this moment for so long, how it would be like to finally kiss the man she'd been in love with for years. He was soft, yet passionate at the same time and his arms that had moved to hold her waist made her feel safe. She was thinking about moving her arms to his neck when a thought or rather person mad her pause...Kathy.

Her eyes shot open and she pulled away from him as quickly as possible. They were both breathing heavily from a lack of oxygen and when Eliot stepped towards her she backed away.

"No, Elliot we can't." She whispered trying to catch her breath so her head would stop spinning.

He took another step towards her and she found her back against the door when she tried to back further away. "Why not?"

She closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to look into his blue ones that were so convincing. "You and Kathy. I promised myself I would never be that woman El."

He slid his hand into hers and she almost jumped when she felt his breath on her ear when he whispered, "What kind of woman?"

Olivia didn't dare open her eyes, "The kind that breaks up her best friend's marriage because she's too damn selfish."

"You're not selfish Liv. If it's anyone's fault that my marriage is over it's mine, not yours." He argued.

"What did you just say?" She opened her eyes, not quite believing what she was hearing. "It's over as in-"

"I signed the papers." He gave her a sad smile. "Took me a while to figure out I couldn't fix things."

"God, El I'm so sorry." She squeezed his hand comfortingly.

"Don't be." He moved his free hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, leaving it to rest on the side of her face.

He leaned towards her again and she placed a finger on his lips, effectively stopping him. "El I don't think-"

He grabbed her hand and placed it on his chest, "Don't think. Let's stop thinking for one night of our lives. Let's forget about everything and everyone except for you and me. Please Liv."

His blue eyes pleaded with her and after some brief considerations she slowly nodded her head. "Okay, no thinking."

Elliot grinned from ear to ear before capturing her lips in another kiss. She snaked her arms around his neck and when he picked her up she hooked her legs around his waist. He carried her down the hall to his bedroom and they lay down on the bed together, undressing each other slowly, both satisfied once they were finally skin to skin. His caresses were loving and tender, but a flame of passion lingered on the edge of each kiss and touch.

Olivia didn't think once, she simply relished in this new togetherness with him that made her feel like she was finally whole. They didn't fall asleep until late into the night and just before she succumbed to the darkness of sleep, she did have one thought. Not thinking with Elliot Stabler was the best decision she had ever made.

* * *

The next morning when she woke it took Olivia a moment to remember where she was, but once she did a thousand memories and feelings flooded her mind from the night before. She smiled into the pillow they shared, surprised to find a warm blush creeping onto her cheeks. She couldn't remember the last time she had blushed when thinking about a man, then again it had been a long time since she had thought about any men.

She had tried for the longest time to forget about her feelings for the man that now held her, it had been extremely hard but eventually after a year of partnership she had learned to put them in a box and move on, no matter how much it hurt her to do so. Her dating life had been an infrequent jumbled up mess, she usually attributed it to the job, but in the back of her mind she knew it was because every time she went out she would compare her date to the man she was already in love with. He had stolen her heart from the first moment they met.

_"Elliot this is your new partner."_

_Olivia managed to smile and did her best to keep her mouth from falling open as she laid eyes on the most handsome man she had ever seen. His eyes were what really drew her in, they were a deep cerulean blue and she couldn't tear her gaze away from them. She glanced at his wedding band and her heart sunk._

_"Olivia Benson." She held her hand out._

_He took it and the smile he gave her made her knees week, "Elliot Stabler."_

_"Elliot will show you the ropes around here. I'm sure you two will do fine."_

Olivia quietly laughed as she thought about that last statement. They had never been fine; they had been so much more than fine. Everyday their partnership evolved until she eventually trusted him with both her life and her heart, even if he was unaware of the latter.

"What's so funny?" Elliot asked causing her to jump a little.

"Didn't know you were awake." She said turning over so they were facing each other.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She settled her head on his chest and he kissed her hair.

"It's fine. I was just thinking about the day we met." She answered tracing lazy patterns across his bare chest.

"I'm not sure I find anything about that day funny." He said looking down at her. "That was one of the best days of my life."

She looked up at him, "Really?"

He nodded, his eyes never leaving her chocolate brown ones, "Really, Liv."

Though his response was short, she knew the significance behind it and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips, settling back against his chest. "It was THE best day of mine."

He hugged her close and they laid in a comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company. In fact it was so comfortable that Elliot was almost back asleep when Olivia suddenly broke the silence.

"I haven't asked, how are the kids?" Her question might have seemed out of the blue, but he knew she cared for his children almost as much as he did.

"Fine I guess. They seem to be taking everything as well as could be expected." He answered, remembering how easily his kids had taken the news, though he assumed they had seen it coming for a while.

"Are you going to have joint custody?" She asked curiously.

"I assume so. We haven't really talked about it yet, but when we finalized everything yesterday we both decided court wasn't really necessary and we would figure it out on our own." He looked down at her and noticed that she had stopped moving her finger over his skin and her breathing had become shallow. "Liv?"

"You got divorced yesterday?" She asked shakily, her stomach churning.

"Yeah I thought-Liv what're you doing?"

Olivia had grabbed one of the blankets from the bed and wrapped her bare form in it before vacating the bed to quickly pick up her discarded clothing from the floor. She ignored him and continued into his bathroom, locking the door behind her so he couldn't follow. She dropped the blanket on the floor and started to dress, doing her best to take deep breaths. She could feel the tears at the back of her eyes threatening to form, but she wasn't going to let him see how hurt she was.

She came back out to find he had gotten dressed as well, and was waiting for her just outside the door, "Liv? What's going on?"

She continued to ignore him and left his bedroom in search of her shoes; she found them by the door and started looking for her keys. Not on the coffee table, or his counter, where had she left them...

"Would you please say something?"

Aha, she'd left them in her jacket that was currently draped on the back of his couch. She grabbed the article of clothing and shrugged it on, pleased when her hands came in contact with cool metal in her right pocket. She was almost to the door when she was grabbed by the arm and spun around so she was a mere inch from her partner's face.

"Dammit Olivia would you tell me what the hell is going on?" He asked, doing his best to keep his temper in control.

She yanked her arm out of his grasp and said through clenched teeth, "You got divorced YESTERDAY."

"Yes, I thought we had been over that already." He said seriously confused.

"Actually, no we hadn't. Not once did the words, 'I got divorced today.' ever leave your mouth last night Stabler." She spat, her faced flushed with anger.

Now he was in trouble, she used his last name only in two instances, one they were teasing each other or two, he was about to get his ass handed to him on a silver platter. "I'm sorry; I thought you had figured that out."

"For all I knew you could've signed the damn papers weeks ago, you weren't very specific." Her eyes were now looking anywhere but him, and since the apology hadn't worked he tried a different approach.

"Alright, I get it I should have been more specific, but why does it matter so much?" He asked.

Now she was fuming, "Why does it matter? Oh I don't know Elliot, maybe because I thought I deserved to be more than your damn rebound!" She took a breath, seething at this point, "Or maybe because I've been in love with you since day one and I thought that YOU would have figured THAT out by now."

A heavy silence hung in the air around them after her admission and she used his lack of response as her opening to leave. "I'll see you Monday. Don't try calling, I won't pick up."

With that she left, slamming the door behind her and leaving him to contemplate exactly how his life had become so screwed up.

**A/N: Well what do you think? This is going to be my first long term SVU so I would appreciate all the advice and reviews I can get. Thanks for reading!**

**-Kate**


	2. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Chapter Two

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

August 8th, 2004

Olivia sat down at her desk and rested her head on the stack of folders in front of her. It was only eight in the morning and she was already exhausted. They had been called in at three a.m. to a crime scene on the Upper East Side; a 19 year old girl had been assaulted and left for dead in her penthouse apartment earlier that night. Her boyfriend had found her and by the time SVU arrived he was in hysterics. Olivia had been dealt the task of calming him down and taking his statement, nothing she hadn't done before, except when she asked him if Emily, the victim, had any other men in her life he became irate. When it got to the point when she didn't think she could keep him pinned against the wall any longer, she'd reluctantly called Elliot over.

For the past two months their partnership had been extremely strained and their friendship was nonexistent. The shift in their dynamic had thrown the squad for a loop, but after Munch nearly got his head bit off when he asked Elliot what was going on, no one asked anymore questions. She glanced at the man sitting across from her and for the millionth time wished she hadn't stayed that night. If she had just gone home then they would still be best friends, she wouldn't be so completely hurt by his actions that night, and he would still be oblivious to her love for him.

But then there were times when she wished for the opposite. She wished that she had stayed and let him explain, she wished that when she went home ten messages from him were waiting on her answering machine. Most of all she wished that when they went back to work that Monday instead of completely ignoring her attempts to talk to him, he would have told her that she wasn't just his rebound, that she really meant as much to him as he did to her. None of those things happened though and she took his unwillingness to talk as a sign that her initial accusations were correct; she was nothing but a way to get over his wife.

However, every so often, when they would be in the middle of one of their frequent arguments, she would doubt her instincts for a fraction of a second. For instance, once when she had said something especially hateful, he had looked at her with this horribly hurt expression and his eyes, God his eyes, they looked straight into her soul and she could swear he was trying to tell her she was wrong. But he never said anything out loud and if he wasn't willing to try than she wouldn't either.

"Olivia, Elliot, need to see you." She looked up just as Cragen turned and walked back into his office.

Sighing inwardly she got up and followed her partner, shutting the door behind them before Cragen had to ask.

"I was just informed that our victim's boyfriend is the Chief of D's nephew so we are going to have to keep a low profile and close this as quickly and efficiently as possible." He said moving a few papers around on his desk before looking back up at them. "I called you in here because for that to happen you two need to be at your best."

"Cap we're-"

"No you're not Elliot." He interrupted. "You two haven't been anywhere near your best in weeks. I'm not going to ask what happened, but whatever it is you two need to move past it. I don't want to have to split you up."

Her eyes widened and her stomach was in knots, "You wouldn't..."

"Oh yes I would." He paused, looking them both over, "If you care so much about staying together then you'll make an effort to talk through whatever the hell you two can't seem to get over."

Olivia looked over at Elliot and their eyes locked. She held his gaze for what seemed like an eternity, it had been so long since she had really looked at him. He seemed just as torn up as she did which made her feel slightly better, but she wouldn't forgive him until they really talked. It wasn't a conversation she was looking forward to, but even after everything she still wasn't willing to let Cragen split them up.

Elliot looked away first and nodded at their boss, "Alright, we got it Captain, we'll figure it out."

"Good." The older man breathed a sigh of relief. "There's a witness waiting in Interrogation 2, said he saw Emily and a man walk in the building last night, see if you can get a description out of him."

They both nodded and headed down the hall. Olivia glanced at their witness through the observation window; he was dirty and had on several tattered articles of mismatched clothing. Elliot walked in the room first and she followed, only to be hit full force with the most awful stench she'd ever smelled. She had interviewed homeless witnesses before, but none of them had been this bad, the man could not have bathed in years. Her stomach churned and she fleetingly hoped her cereal wouldn't be making a second appearance.

She stayed as far away as she could, leaning against the mirror as Elliot started the interview. She tried breathing through her mouth, but it only seemed to worsen the sick feeling in her stomach as she could now taste the odor that radiated off the man. Her partner didn't seem fazed by it; he'd taken a seat right in front of the man and was jotting down notes every few seconds.

"Yeah, the guy was real tall, had a nice coat on, never left the lady's side. 'Cept to open the door for her." He chuckled, "I never would 'a opened the door for such a snotty woman."

"Can you tell me anything else about the man? Height, eye color?" Elliot prompted.

"Well he...um is she alright?"

Olivia now had her hand over her mouth and was taking deep breaths. Elliot turned around and shot her a worried look.

"Are you-?" She shook her head before he could finish.

He got up from his chair and walked over to her, bringing a whiff of that God awful smell with him. Her stomach lurched and she left the room, walking hastily to the bathroom. She made it to a toilet mere seconds before her breakfast came back up. She hated throwing up; the hot all over feeling and consequent chills were the worst part.

"Olivia?" There was a knock on the stall door that she hadn't even bothered to lock.

"El I-" her stomach lurched again and she turned back to the toilet, heaving the remaining contents of her stomach into it.

When she was done she felt his hand on her back, stroking her soothingly. "Here this should help."

He handed her a damp paper towel and she held it against her forehead, relishing in the cool feeling that flooded her body. "Thanks."

He leaned over her and flushed the toilet. "You're welcome. Be back in a second."

She leaned her head against the stall and closed her eyes, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. She slowly started to feel normal again and when Elliot came back a few moments later with a small cup of water she was grateful. She rinsed out her mouth and spit into the toilet before taking a few small sips of the cool liquid.

"Captain told me to tell you that you're home for the rest of the day." She started to protest but he cut her off. "He also said that arguing wouldn't do you any good."

She sighed running a hand through her hair, "Fine."

"You wanna ride home?" He asked as he helped her up.

"No, thanks. I'll just take a cab." She replied as he followed her out of the bathroom to the elevators.

"Alright, well you'll call me if you need anything?" He asked as the doors dinged before opening.

They moved to let a few people out then she stepped inside, holding the one of the doors so it wouldn't shut. "Yeah."

"Bye Li-Olivia." _Things are so messed up he can't even call me Liv_, she thought as he started to walk away.

"El, wait." He stopped and turned back around. "Cragen was right, we need to talk. If I'm feeling better and he lets you off at a decent time, would you- I mean, can you come over?"

He smiled, it didn't go all the way to his eyes, but it was the first time he'd smiled at her in weeks. "Yeah, I'll call before I leave."

"Okay. Bye." She smiled back and stepped into the elevator, he didn't leave until the doors closed, and for some reason it kept the smile on her face until she exited the elevator downstairs.

* * *

Later that afternoon found Olivia dozing on the cold tile of her bathroom floor. After she arrived home a few hours ago, her stomach had seemed to be settled and it was like she had never thrown up at all. She made herself a small lunch of cracker and cheese sandwiches, each with a dollop of peanut butter on it and though the odd combo tasted well on the way down it most certainly didn't taste at all appetizing on the third time back up.

She spent a few more minutes absorbing the cool feeling that the tile provided her before trudging over to her medicine cabinet. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and grimaced, she looked like she had been hit by a bus. Shaking her head she opened the cabinet door and rummaged around until she found the Pepto-Bismol. Olivia took a swig of the pink liquid before plunking it back in the cabinet, but before she could close the door a box fell into the sink.

She grabbed the box of tampons and stared at them, they were unopened, but they shouldn't have been. She bought them last week because she should've been starting soon, but she hadn't. Eyes wide she looked through the cabinet and sure enough there was the other box she'd gotten for the previous month. Two missed periods, throwing up and feeling completely normal half an hour later, eating weird food then throwing up again, and overacting to a smelly witness in interrogation."

"Shit." Olivia whispered.

She hurriedly put both boxes back in the medicine cabinet and left the bathroom to find her phone. It was sitting on the coffee table in the living room and in her haste to grab it she ended it up knocking it onto the floor. Sighing she knelt down and started pawing around for it, she couldn't find it anywhere and she had no idea how panicked she really was until her vision began to blur from the tears that were now running down her face. How the hell had she let this happen?

_You weren't exactly thinking that night, you even told him you wouldn't._

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. She was supposed to be in love with the father of the child that now grew inside her, she wasn't supposed to hate him. Olivia wiped her running nose on her sleeve; well maybe hate wasn't the right word. She didn't hate Elliot, she hated the situation he had put her in, but when it came to their relationship that was almost the exact same thing.

She leaned her head against the couch cushions and took a few shaky breaths. When she had calmed down and wiped the tears from her eyes she searched for her cell phone again, and quickly found it under the couch. She found his name in her contacts list but before she could hit the call button she started crying again, she was scared and overwhelmed and she had absolutely no idea how he was going to react.

Olivia didn't bother waiting out the tears; she hit the call button and was almost hoping the call was going to go to voicemail when he finally picked up. "Stabler."

"Hey...um it's me." She greeted, trying and failing to cover a sob with a cough.

"Liv? What's wrong?" The concern in his voice comforted her.

"I need you to do something for me on your way to my apartment." She said trying to get the tears under control.

"What do you need?" She smiled at his willingness to do anything she asked just because she sounded upset; it was like the past two months had been erased.

Taking a deep breath she spoke quietly into the receiver, "I need you get me a pregnancy test."

A/N: Duh, duh, duh...Were any of you suspecting that? If so-darn, if not-win for me! I apologize for not replying to any of the reviews yet. Pretty much all of them asked me to get this next chapter out ASAP so that's what my priority was this week. I will reply to all of the signed review now that this is up and the unsigned reviews will be answered following this. Alrighty, well thanks for reading, please review!

Monica: Nope, you've got the wrong author but it's cool :) I'm glad you like it and thanks for the review!

Amanda: Haha, thanks, glad you're enjoying it!


	3. And A Baby Makes Three

Chapter Three

And A Baby Makes Three

August 8th, 2004

Elliot stared up at Olivia's apartment building and scrubbed a hand over his face before walking up to the front door. He took a few measured breaths to calm down and then pressed the call button by her apartment number.

"Liv, it's me." She buzzed him in without responding.

Once inside he headed towards the stairs, she lived on the fourth floor and for once he was grateful for the long walk, he hadn't had any time to wrap his head around this...whatever this was. When she had called, he was afraid she was going to tell him not to come over, but a pregnancy test, that was the last thing he expected her to ask for. He knew they hadn't been careful but he never would've imagined that he would get his partner pregnant.  
_  
You don't know that she is yet_, he thought, but then he remembered how upset she had sounded on the phone and he knew that something must have been convincing enough to make her believe that she was. God, the way her voice had sounded, he'd known for some time how much she wanted children and now that she might have one it seemed like it was the last thing she wanted and it was all his fault. Everything was his fault.

Elliot didn't blame her for thinking she was just a way for him to get over his ex-wife, he hadn't handled that well at all, but her assumption was anything but true. He had been completely blind-sided by her admission and hadn't been able to come up with a response and she had interpreted his silence the wrong way. After Olivia left all he could think about the rest of the day was that she was in love with him, and that she had been for some time. Part of him still didn't want to believe her because the night before he had come to the same conclusion about her.

When they had made love, it was like he was seeing her, all of her, for the first time since they'd met, and not just literally. She had let him look inside her, in her eyes he could see her soul, he could see the hurt, passion and love, he could see everything, and in that instant, before their bodies became one, he knew. He was in love with her, and it scared the hell out of him. He could have told her the next morning when she admitted her love for him, but he was just beginning to understand it himself and to already know she loved him back was too much at once.

Two months later Elliot was still trying to figure it out, but when she had asked him to come over so they could talk he was prepared to lay everything out on the line. He had respected her initial wishes; he hadn't called, he didn't bring that night up once. But now he was done pretending nothing had happened and letting their ignorance take its toll on their partnership.

His plans were ruined, however, because he couldn't very well tell her he loved her now. She wouldn't believe him, she would say it was only because he'd gotten her pregnant and felt obligated, she might even bring up Kathy and their rushed marriage. He would tell her though, no matter how long or how hard he had to convince her he meant it, she would eventually believe that he loved her. But for now they had to handle this baby thing, so Elliot knocked on the door to her apartment and buried all his feelings deep within the recesses of his heart.

She opened the door a few seconds later in a pair of sweats and a NYPD t-shirt. His gaze traveled up to her face and saw her eyes were red from crying and she looked exhausted.

"Hey." It was the only thing he could think of and it sounded odd coming out of his mouth. "I got off as soon as I could and I-"

Elliot was interrupted when she suddenly hugged him, grasping onto the back of his shirt like she was hanging on for dear life. He gently picked her up and moved them inside her apartment, closing the door behind him. He both felt and saw her shoulders and chest begin to shake as she sobbed into his shoulder.

He kissed the top of her head lightly, "Shhh, Liv I'm here. Everything is going to be fine, I promise."

He stroked her back as her crying slowly quieted enough for her to speak, "Are y-you sure?"

"Yeah I am." He answered confidently, when she had stopped crying he pulled back and gave her a small smile. "But why don't you go take the test before we worry ourselves anymore, okay?"

"Okay." She nodded her head and he handed her the pregnancy test, following her back to her bedroom.

He waited on her bed while she was in the bathroom. When he heard the faucet turn on and then off a few minutes later, he knocked on the door. She unlocked it and he entered to find her sitting on the floor opposite the sink where the test rested. He slid down beside her and took her hand, squeezing it gently.

"Longest two minutes of your life, or so I've heard." They both knew he'd been through this many times, but his joke still brought a smile to her face.

She leaned her head against his shoulder, "What're we going to do if it's positive?"

He sighed, "Well, I guess for starters we should fix things between us. Actually we should do that if it's negative too."

"I'm sorry El. I shouldn't have said what I said and then stormed out like that, you obviously didn't and don't feel the same way and I shouldn't have expected you to." Her words made him want to admit everything right then, but now was neither the time nor the place.

"And I'm sorry for not telling you that I had just finalized the divorce and that I pressured you into staying." He apologized, even though he wasn't completely sorry she had stayed that night.

"So apologies accepted and we can get back to being friends again?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." He smiled down at her and she returned it easily.

Olivia glanced at her watch then looked up at the test, "We've got thirty seconds."

He stood, back facing the sink, and held out a hand to help her up, "Promise me one thing?"

"What?" She asked confused.

"If that test is positive you will let me help you. You'll let me be there as your friend and as this child's father." His request was not an outrageous one and she would not argue with him, but she silently wished for him to be so much more.

"I promise El, I wouldn't expect anything less from you." She smiled and once again squeezed his hand. "You ready?"

"Yeah, you?" He questioned.

She nodded her head, "On three we'll look okay?" He gave her a nod and she took a deep breath still undecided on what she was hoping the test would tell them. "One, two, three."

He turned around and they both took a step towards the sink. Two little pink lines stared up at her and, even though they were in a very screwed up situation and she had no idea how they were going to make this work, she was happy. She was going to have a baby, Elliot's baby, she looked over at him and for the first time in the past two months she felt that pang in her heart again. She still loved him, she'd been trying not to because of how angry she had been with him, but she now realized it was a failed attempt.

She tucked the revelation away to re-examine later and turned her head towards him, "So, how do you feel about this?"

"Having a kid with my partner? Not something I ever pictured but I think we can handle it." He gave her a reassuring smile and leaned against the sink.

"What are we going to tell Cragen, and the squad-God I completely forgot about IAB, if they find out we could both loose our jobs and-" he cut her off by grabbing her arm gently, but firm enough to get her attention.

"I was thinking about that earlier and I thought of a plan but if you don't like it then we can figure out something else." She worried that he was going to suggest one of them transfer precincts, but she let him continue anyways. "Tomorrow we go in and talk to Cragen. We tell him that what happened, happened and we have moved past it and it won't interfere with our partnership anymore. We will tell him that the baby is mine and we know that IAB will have a problem with it, but if I know Cragen well enough he will not want to lose his two best detectives as much as we don't want to go, so then we will suggest that he tell them a different story."

"Alright, I'm following you so far, and I agree that he will not want to lose us, but what is this story?" She asked not sure where he was going with this.

"Okay well, and only if you're okay with it, I'm suggesting we tell him to tell IAB that you have no idea who the baby's father is, that it was just a one night stand and you didn't get his name. I know you're not that kind of person, but I thought it would be the easiest story to sell." When he finished he looked at her nervously and after mulling over his idea she slowly nodded her head.

"That sounds...okay." She gave him a small smile. "Now we just have to convince Cragen."

* * *

"Alright let's just go over this one more time." Cragen said running a hand over his face. "You slept together, which is why you've been acting so weird these past two months, and now she's pregnant and you made up, but you're just friends and you want me to tell IAB, if and when they ask, that she doesn't know who the father is."

Elliot and Olivia glanced and each other and then back at their Captain, "Yes."

He was quiet for a few minutes and Olivia began to worry that he was going to split them up or worse tell IAB the truth and get them both fired. She wrung her hands nervously, glad that she had opted for a couple of crackers for breakfast since her stomach was now in knots.

"You're damn lucky I like you both so much." Cragen finally broke the silence and she let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "As long as you don't let this interfere with work I will do my best to keep them out of the loop."

"Thank you Captain." Elliot said sounding relieved.

"Yes, thank you." She repeated.

"You're both welcome." He turned to Olivia with a stern look in his eyes. "You are on desk duty; field work is too dangerous even if you're only two months. You can do interrogations for now, but once you're showing you are only allowed to observe, got it?"

"Understood." She was a little bristled at being ordered around but was still grateful he had agreed to their plan so she ignored it. "I have my first doctor's appointment next week, but I should only need the afternoon off."

"I assume you'll be going as well?" He asked looking at Elliot.

"Actually I'm not. We figured IAB would catch on if I went to every appointment so I'm only going to go for the most important ones." He answered.

Olivia tried to keep the disappointment out of her features. They had indeed agreed upon this the night before, but she was still upset that he wouldn't be there all the time.

"Alright." He started moving some things around on his desk, a sign that the conversation was coming to an end. "I'll do the paperwork on your assignment to desk duty and deal with any questions they have about the father."

"Thank you again Captain." Olivia said as they stood to leave.

"Yep." Just before they were all the way out the door he spoke again. "I didn't say it before, but congratulations guys."

They both smiled, "Thanks."

Olivia closed the door and they headed back to their desks, "That went easier than I thought it would."

Elliot leaned back in his chair, his hands clasped behind his head, "Yeah, glad he's got our backs, not that I ever doubted he did."

She turned on her computer then looked back at him, "When should I tell Fin and Munch, and are we telling them the truth or...?"

"I mean, they're trustworthy enough, but right now I think the less people that know the better." He replied glancing across the squad room at the two men in question.

"Yeah, I agree." She started sorting through her emails but stopped, looking up at him again. "Hey El?"

"Hmm?" He looked back over at her.

"Thank you." She didn't have to specify what for, especially because there were a lot of things she was thankful for.

"Of course Liv. We're partners, for better or worse."

**A/N: Hey all! Sorry for the late update. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and I hope your New Year is good as well! Thanks for reading, reviews are greatly appreciated!**

Jane: I'm not sure if you reviewed twice because I was taking so long or if there are two Janes but I hope that you didn't chew your fingers off and that you enjoyed this chapter :)

sexiibiatch: I am working as fast as I can! Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	4. The Joys of Motherhood

Chapter Four

The Joys of Motherhood

August 15th, 2004

Olivia bounced her foot nervously, taking another glance around the waiting room. How hadn't she noticed on her other trips to her OB/GYN that there were so many happy expectant couples going to this office? It made her feel all the more self-conscious, because even though none of them could tell she was pregnant it felt like they were mocking her with their giddiness. And to top it off she was nervous as hell and really wished that Elliot was there to calm her down; he'd already been through this three times and he would have been extremely helpful.

"Olivia Benson?" She looked up thankfully at the nurse who had appeared in the door back to the exam rooms.

She stood and followed the woman back through the hallway and into an exam room where she was given a cup and told to give a urine sample in the adjoining bathroom. She did so and upon returning to the exam room was handed a flimsy paper top and a white sheet in exchange for her cup of pee. When the nurse left Olivia reluctantly changed, pulling on the top and draping the sheet over her legs once she was situated on the exam table. She lazily kicked her sock-clad feet back and forth as her mind drifted to the little human being that was growing inside her.

In the past week she hadn't had much time to really think about the fact that she was going to be a mother in few short months. On top of getting used to the morning sickness, which she now referred to as all-day-long sickness, she had begun experiencing more symptoms; fatigue, dizziness, and the frequent need to pee. It was also beginning to become more and more difficult to hide her pregnancy from the rest of the squad due to these symptoms, so she and Elliot had decided to tell Munch and Fin after her appointment if the doctor said it was okay. They had also decided that there co-workers were trust worthy enough to keep their secret and would be telling them that the child was Elliot's.

Olivia placed a hand on her still flat stomach trying to fully absorb that there was a little person in there, made partly of her and partly of Elliot. She'd wanted this for a while, but the job had impeded the progress of every relationship that had, had the potential of becoming serious. If she'd known all she needed to do was shack up with her partner to get a baby...

She laughed to herself even though their situation was anything but funny, though maybe it was so screwed up that it was. She was in love with her partner, he didn't appear to feel anything remotely close to that for her, now she was pregnant and they were just friends. Just friends, God she had never hated that phrase more.

A knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts and she smoothed down the paper sheet nervously as her doctor walked in.

"Hello, Olivia." She greeted brightly sitting down on a stool in the corner as she flipped open a chart.

"Hi Dr.-"

"Uh-uh, I've told you before to call me Erin." She interrupted looking up from the manila folder in her hands. "It makes things less...what's the word...sterile."

Olivia laughed, "Right, sorry, I forgot."

Erin smiled, "Not a problem, just don't make me correct you anymore, I don't think you'll be in the mood for that in the next couple of months."

"So it's official then?" She asked, trying to hide her mixed emotions behind some sarcasm.

"Yep, there is definitely a bun in that oven of yours." She replied causing Olivia to laugh lightly. "On a more serious note, what kinds of symptoms have you been experiencing so far?"

"Well, I've been having all-day sickness for a week," Erin smirked at that before beginning to write in her chart, "also I've recently started feeling dizzy if I stand up too fast, I've been falling asleep on the couch because I can't keep my eyes open past nine, and I pee every hour like clockwork."

"Congratulations, I welcome you to the joys of motherhood." She said as she pulled on a pair of gloves and stood up.

Olivia grimaced, "If these are the joys I don't want to know what the rest is going to look like."

"Don't worry, the nausea should subside by the end of the first trimester and the rest of your suffering will be worth it in the end." Erin smiled and had Olivia lay back.

She completed the internal exam quickly and efficiently before putting away the stirrups and having Olivia pull up her top for the ultrasound.

"Now I've already confirmed that you are moving into your third month, but I'm going to go ahead and take some measurements just to make sure and then you can see your baby." She squirted a glob of cold gel onto Olivia's abdomen and began moving the transducer around.

When a rapid whooshing sound suddenly filled the room Olivia's breath hitched, the sound was foreign to her ears but she knew what it was and it brought tears to her eyes. _Damn hormones_, she thought wiping them away before they had a chance to make their way down her face.

"Alright, now the baby is very small and has the appearance of an unshelled peanut," she paused turning the screen around and pointing to a small white blob in the middle, "but by your next appointment you'll be able to see a head, and the arms and legs."

She unashamedly let the tears fall this time, seeing her child really solidified the fact that she was finally going to have a family, a child that loved her unconditionally, something she had never felt for or received from her own mother.

"Wow." She breathed, unable to find another word to compare with how she was feeling. "Um...I just remembered, when can I start telling people? With the throwing up and everything it's been hard to keep my coworkers from worrying."

"Most parents like to wait until they're out of the first trimester, but everything seems to be on track so I don't see why you couldn't go ahead." Erin smiled and typed something into the keyboard below the machine. "I assume you'll want a few copies?"

Olivia nodded, wiping at the wetness on her cheeks. "Yeah that would be great."

"Alright, I'll be right back with them, why don't you go ahead and get dressed?" She suggested as she wiped the goop off of Olivia's stomach and put the transducer back on the machine.

"Okay." She waited until Erin left and began putting her clothes back on, still in a daze from seeing her baby for the first time.

Olivia was sitting back on the exam table when her doctor came back in with copies of the pictures, pamphlets, and a few papers that she didn't know what to do with. "What's all this?"

Erin sat back down on her stool, "The two pamphlets I gave you are about the First Trimester Screen and the Quad Screen, both are noninvasive and optional, but I highly recommend them."

Olivia nodded and held up the packet of papers, "And these?"

"Those are family medical history forms that I would like you to fill out before and bring back at your next appointment. If you chose to do the First Trimester Screen they will be extremely helpful, but either way it's good to know the medical history of both parents' families." She explained, causing Olivia's stomach to sink.

Elliot's side would be no problem, but she barely knew her mother's medical history other than that she had been raped and then consequently had her attacker's child, aka herself, and that she had been an abusive alcoholic. She had not mentioned much of her past to Erin and was not looking forward to the next appointment and hoped Elliot would be able to come with her.

"Now I don't know if you have already discussed it with your boss but-"

"I'm already on desk duty." She interrupted causing Erin to laugh. "My captain is pretty overprotective, the second I told him I was pregnant he had already decided for me. I don't really mind though, he's kind of like a father to me."

"Well I definitely agree with him, even if it is boring, desk work is the safest for both you and your baby." She smiled and stood, Olivia did the same and followed her back to the front desk "I will see you in three weeks and until then I suggest you get your rest, drink lots of fluids and if you have time I would get a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting, it's the first time mother's bible."

"Will do, thank you." She smiled and gave her a wave goodbye before arranging her next appointment with the secretary.

* * *

By the time Olivia got back to the precinct Elliot, Munch, and Fin were already packing up, she guessed that they had not caught a case while she was gone and Cragen was letting them off early. She walked over to her desk and sat her purse and jacket on her chair.

"How'd it go?" Elliot asked quietly.

"Fine, we can talk about it tonight." They had planned to meet at her apartment after work if they hadn't caught a case. "Can you stall Fin and Munch? I gotta talk to Cap for a sec and then we can tell them."

Elliot nodded and walked over to their desks while Olivia headed for Cragen's office, she knocked on his door and poked her head in, "Hey Cap, can I talk to you?"

"Yeah sure, come in." He answered gesturing to one of the chairs in front of his desk.

"No thanks, I'm not going to be that long; I know you already let everyone off for the night." She pulled out a picture of the ultrasound from her back pocket and handed it to him. "I want you to have this for two reasons."

He smiled at the picture and looked back up at her, "Alright?"

"First I want to thank you again for agreeing to do this, I know that it could cost you and us our jobs if they do find out and we both really appreciate it." She paused, this next part was something she had been debating all the way here and she was very nervous. "My next reason is more of a request. In the past six years you've, well you've become sort of like a father to me and I was wondering, hoping actually that maybe you would consider being his Grandpa?"

He didn't answer, but instead stood up walked around his desk and engulfed her in a tight hug. Olivia hugged him back and did her best to keep the tears at bay, she'd already cried enough for one day, but his acceptance had meant more than she realized and she was extremely grateful. When he pulled back there was a huge grin on his face that made her laugh lightly.

"I would love to, Liv." He pulled her back for another hug and kissed her temple. "I'm glad I can be that for you and your child."

"Thank you, Don." She whispered, squeezing his arm.

He nodded when they stepped back from one another, and then with a questioning grin asked, "So you think it's a boy then?"

"Oh...um..." She hadn't even realized that she had referred to her baby as a boy until just then and shrugged. "I haven't really thought about it much, I guess I just don't like calling it baby or it all the time. But I wouldn't mind if the baby was a boy."

Don laughed, "You really want another Elliot Stabler running around?"

Olivia turned and glanced out the window at the man in question. He was laughing with Munch about something and those eyes that were capable of undoing her in one glance were lit up by his thousand-watt grin. He didn't like it, but she secretly found his slowly receding hairline rather cute. He was handsome, he made her feel safe, and she was hopelessly in love with him.

"Yeah." She smiled picturing a little boy with brown hair, his beautiful blue eyes, and a little laugh that sounded like his. "Yeah I think I do."

**A/N: Hey all! I know this chapter is a tad on the short side but I loved ending like that and couldn't bring myself to add anymore. In the next chapter you'll get to see Fin and Munch's reactions to the news, seeing as I have already mentioned it in two chapters I figure I shouldn't leave you with a sub-par summary of how they react **** I didn't get too many reviews last chapter, but I attributed it to the holidays and the late update, but either way I am thankful for all the reviews I have gotten so far and I hope you all are continuing to enjoy this story. Thanks for reading!**

**kana117: I guess you'll have to wait one more chapter to see what happens ;) Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**Blinky: You are very welcome for the last update, thank YOU for reading and reviewing it! **


	5. Uncles

Chapter Five

Uncles

August 15th, 2004

"Alright, I'm assuming you didn't ask to talk to us in Captain's office just so we could make small talk, what's going on?" Munch finally asked.

Before Cragen had left he had given Olivia the key to his office and told her they could use it to tell Fin and Munch about the baby without having to worry about being overheard by anyone else that was still in the squad room. They had been making light conversation with the two for a few minutes since neither Elliot nor Olivia was sure of how to go about telling them.

Elliot shared a brief glance with Olivia before she gave him a nod, signaling for him to take the lead, "Well we've got some news, but it's something that we are going to ask that you don't share with anyone else."

The partners looked at each other, and then looked back at him, clearly confused.

"Why don't you tell us what's going on first before you ask us to keep it quiet?" Asked Fin, crossing his arms over his chest skeptically.

"Olivia's pregnant." He paused, briefly allowing the initial shock to pass before adding, "And it's mine."

There was a beat of silence before Munch held out his hand to Fin, "I told you it was going to happen eventually, pay up."

Olivia blushed furiously, as Fin pushed the older man's hand away, "Seriously John, not the time."

Munch rolled his eyes before looking back at them, "So you two are together then?"

Olivia shook her head, "No. It was just one night, we weren't thinking and made a mistake, but we've put it behind us and are going to do our best to raise this child together."

Mistake. The word left her lips so easily, no hesitation, not even a small pause. It hurt like hell to hear her describe that night as a mistake and part of him now second guessed his decision of slowly getting her to believe he loved her. If she'd already decided that, that night was a mistake, then maybe he was too late.

He pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind to contemplate later, turning his attention back to his fellow detectives, "We already told Cragen, and he has agreed to tell anyone that asks that Liv doesn't know who the father is because if Tucker or anyone in IAB found out, then we could both loose our jobs."

"We trust both of you enough not to lie to you, " Olivia continued, "it didn't seem right to hide it from you, but we know that involving you in this is asking you to risk your jobs for us, so if anyone asks we don't want you to lie for us."

Elliot looked at them nervously. He and John had always gotten along and he wasn't worried about the older man keeping this secret for them. On the other hand his relationship with Fin consisted of simply tolerating each other on a daily basis.

"C'mere, Liv." Fin held out his arms to her and gave her a tight hug. "I'm happy for you baby girl, both of you." Elliot was a little taken aback, but did his best to hide it.

Munch smiled and shook Elliot's hand, "Congratulations, what number is this now?"

"Five." He puffed out his chest a little when he said this, causing Olivia to roll her eyes at him.

"Really? You're going to get a big ego over impregnating your partner?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"This is Stabler we're talking about, 'course he's gonna get all proud'a himself." Fin joked, causing the group to laugh. "Anyways, I can't speak for boney ass over there, but you've got my word that if Tucker somehow suspects Elliot, I won't flip on you guys. It's not my business to tell and we're friends, I can always find some other gig if worse comes to worst."

"Same here, Tucker and his cronies can stick it." Munch agreed.

"Thanks guys, that means a lot." Elliot replied.

"Yes, thank you so much." Olivia said a little teary eyed, "Damn hormones."

Fin chuckled before pulling her in for another hug and then passing her off to Munch who hugged her as well. Elliot shook hands with both men, and they were about to leave when Olivia suddenly pulled something from her pocket.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" She handed Fin and Munch each a slip of paper, Elliot craned his neck in Fin's direction and smiled widely down at the picture of their unborn child.

"What is this?" John asked clearly confused as to why he had been handed a picture of a white blob.

Fin elbowed him in the ribs, "It's the baby ya moron."

"Well excuse the only non-parent here for not correctly identifying the peanut shaped thing." He groused, the other three doing their best to hold back their laughter.

"It's okay, just remind me not to tell our kid that his Uncle Munch called him a 'peanut shaped thing'." Olivia said, hiding her laughter with her hand.

"Uncle Munch?" His tone had changed from annoyed to touched and she nodded.

"Both of you will be uncles, I mean, if you want to at least. You're like family, it only seemed right that you would be." She looked over at Elliot questioningly, and he nodded whole-heartedly agreeing with her, knowing that this squad had become family to both of them.

"Of course we'll be uncles Liv, I'll be the nice one and Munch will be the old crazy one that the kid and I will make fun of all the time." Fin grinned at the older man's shocked expression.

"What you mean to say is that you will fill the kid's head with fairy tale nonsense and I will enlighten him on the millions of ways that this government is controlling his generation." Munch corrected once he'd found his voice again.

The two continued to bicker back and forth, so while they were distracted Elliot leaned against Cragen's desk and slid down to where Olivia was doing the same, "So where's my picture?"

She grinned at him, "Who says you're getting one?"

"The guy that is driving you home." He answered smirking.

"Great argument, except there's about a hundred cabs out there that would be willing to take me home." She countered.

"Yeah but do you love any of them as much as me?" He was just kidding and the question slipped out before he knew what he was saying. He saw her eyes widen momentarily and she pushed her hair behind her ear nervously.

"No." Her answer was so soft he almost didn't hear it, but it was enough to make him forget the doubts he'd been having earlier.

"Alright fine." Fin said loudly, bringing an end to their conversation as they both turned to see what was going on. "I won't paint you as a crazy old fool if you wait until the kid is at least fifteen to start spouting your conspiracy nonsense."

They both laughed when John grudgingly agreed with his terms and out of the corner of his eye Elliot saw Olivia trying but failing to cover a yawn with her hand, "I think it's time to get you home."

"I just keep getting more tired every day, " she tried to stifle another yawn, "I went to bed at eight thirty last night."

"You're growing another human being Liv, 'course you're gonna get tired." Fin joked, opening the door to Cragen's office before they all filed out.

Elliot stopped at their desks briefly before realizing he'd left something in his locker, "Hey I'll be right back, left my sweatshirt in my locker."

She nodded as he headed off in the direction of the locker room, quickly walking up to his locker and removing his grey hoodie. It was almost August and though he certainly had no use for it, he knew that she sometimes liked to borrow it when she crashed at the precinct so he planned to conveniently forget it at her apartment that night. He smiled as he pictured her wearing it to bed, hopefully thinking of him, and when he turned around to leave he was surprised to find Fin standing in the doorway.

His arms were crossed and he had a knowing look on his face, "When were you planning on telling her?"

"Telling her what?" The 'her' in question was obviously Olivia, but Elliot wasn't sure what Fin was asking.

"Come on dude, don't play dumb, it's obvious you're in love with her." His lack of response to this statement was enough of an answer for both of them. "When Liv said you two weren't together I was seriously confused. If it were me I would've used this whole baby thing to my advantage and just gone ahead and told her."

Elliot sighed leaning back against his locker, "It's not that simple, Fin."

"Why not?" He prompted, stepping further into the room so the door closed and their conversation would not be overheard.

"You know how for the past two months we haven't exactly been ourselves?" He asked and Fin nodded.

"Like I could forget it. It was like World War III with you two sometimes." He answered.

Elliot rubbed a hand over his face, not believing that he was actually having this conversation with Fin, "I slept with her the night Kathy and I finalized the divorce. She didn't realize it until the next morning and thought I was using her as my rebound and before I could deny it she told me she loved me."

"Whoa, that's a lot to deal with in one morning. What'd you say?" He asked taking a seat on the bench across from where Elliot stood.

"I didn't. " He sighed resting his head against his locker so he was looking up at the ceiling. "I've had feelings for her for a while, but I'd only just realized that I was in love with her and to have her say it like that, completely out of the blue... I was too overwhelmed to say anything. She stormed out, told me not to call, that she'd see me at work. I fucked up big time, Fin. "

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can't fix it. It's not too late, I've seen the way she looks at you when you're not looking, it's the same way you look at her. " He paused, shaking his head. "You two really need to get better at expressing your feelings when you're both looking."

Elliot chuckled, "Yeah, that's probably a good idea. But I can't just tell her I love her now, she'll think it's because of the baby, that I feel obligated; which I don't."

"I see where you're coming from, but you're not going to wait till the kid graduates high school right?" Fin asked sarcastically.

He smiled, "No, my plan is to ease into it. I'm going to use these next seven months to prove to her that I'm not going anywhere and when the time is right I'll tell her."

"Alright I guess that makes sense." He stood and took a step forward leveling his hard stare on Elliot, "I have to warn you though Stabler if-"

"You coming, El?" They heard her voice through the door and footsteps that signaled her approach.

"If you hurt her, " Fin continued, hurrying to finish before she got there. "I won't hesitate to beat the living hell out of you."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you Fin." He answered just as she opened the door, Fin casually moved over to his own locker so she wouldn't suspect anything.

"I didn't know it took you five minutes to grab a sweatshirt." She teased, gesturing to the article of clothing in his hand.

"Sorry, we were just talking." He replied, heading for the door, "See ya tomorrow Fin."

"Bye guys." He returned, waving as they left to catch an elevator down to the parking garage.

"What were you talking about?" She asked curiously as they stepped into the elevator.

"Names." He lied easily, hitting the button for the first floor. "He made me promise we wouldn't name the kid after him, didn't want someone else getting stuck with that name."

She laughed, "He does seem to have a certain distaste for his name."

He smiled at her, "Yeah, well he also made me promise that we wouldn't name him after me, said the world couldn't handle another Elliot Stabler."

"I think I'd have to disagree with him on that." She said as the elevator doors began to slide closed. "I wouldn't mind another Elliot Stabler."

**A/N: Hope you liked their reactions to the news! Thanks for reading and I love reading everyone's reviews, you guys are great!**

**-Katie**

**Guest: Thank you for reading!**

**Giselle: Well thank you! I hope this early update will help with that! Thanks for the review!**

**kana117: Well I hope this was fast enough for ya! Thanks for reading!**


	6. Show and Tell Her

Chapter Six

Show and Tell Her

August 22nd, 2004

"Why on earth did I let you talk me into fixing spaghetti?" Olivia asked as she stood over Elliot's stove, stirring the pasta so it didn't stick together. "I mean who tells their kids that they got their partner pregnant over a plate of spaghetti?"

He laughed, turning away from where he was chopping up lettuce for a salad, so he could look at her, "Well one I don't think there are a whole lot of people that find themselves in this situation, so I honestly don't think it matters what we feed them. And two, spaghetti is one of the few meals that isn't making you sick right now."

Olivia stirred the sauces, one without meat as Kathleen, who was now beginning her freshman year of high school, had gone on a vegetarian kick as of two weeks ago. It had been a week since they had told Munch and Fin their news and because Elliot had the kids for the weekend and Maureen did not go back to Hudson until later that week, they had decided that this weekend was as good a time as any to tell them. She blew her bangs out of her face with a huff and saw Elliot smiling at her out if the corner of her eye.

"What are you smiling about Stabler?" She questioned, moving him out of the way so she could finish the job he had abandoned.

"I just realized how cute you look when you're nervous." He replied leaning against the opposite counter with a smirk.

She threw a glare at him over her shoulder, "Next time I'm feeling sick I think I might just aim for you and you can see how cute I am then."

He held up his hands in defense, "Sorry, sorry, just trying to lighten the mood."

"I swear if your son has the same twisted sense of humor as you when I'm not in the mood for it, I'm going to send him back." She said pointing at her stomach, which she'd recently discovered had a slight swell to it. "And you wouldn't want that now would you?"

Elliot chuckled lightly, it was the first time he had observed her talking to their unborn child, "Why do you keep calling it a him? Unless you're a psychic I'm pretty sure it's impossible for you to know that yet."

Olivia shrugged, "Just a feeling I guess."

Their conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door, "Show time."

"Not funny, El." She mumbled, dumping the pile of lettuce into a large serving bowl.

He gently turned her around so they were facing each other and gave her a quick hug and kiss to the temple, "In all seriousness Liv, I promise you everything is going to be okay. They may be a little shocked at first, but they'll come around."

"Promise?" She asked, still unconvinced.

"Promise." He squeezed her arm and left the room but came back only a few seconds later, "I just remembered another reason why we decided to make spaghetti."

"Yeah, what's that?" She asked, pulling the pan of garlic bread from the oven.

"It's one of the only things you actually know how to cook." He easily dodged the pot holder she threw at his head before walking down the hall to answer the door.

Dinner went smoothly, Elliot smugly grinning at her when the kids complimented the spaghetti. They were seated in the living room, since his dining room table was too small to fit all six of them; Elliot and Olivia sat on the couch, Maureen and Kathleen shared the love seat against the wall, and the twins sat Indian style on either end of the coffee table. Olivia had been shooting him nervous glances every so often and they didn't go unnoticed by his two eldest daughters.

"Daddy?" Maureen asked, getting his attention.

"Yeah?" He responded, noticing something different in her voice.

She briefly glanced at her younger sister before continuing, "You know, if you and Olivia are dating or something we would be totally fine with it, she's already like family."

He wasn't surprised by her assumption and the way they accepted it gave him hope that their actual news would be well received, "We'll I'm sure she appreciates that you feel that way about her, but we aren't dating Maur."

"Oh." She said, and he could swear he saw disappointment in her eyes. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Olivia said, smiling at her. "And he's right, I'm happy that you see me as family, I feel the same way about all of you."

There was a pause as everyone turned back to their food, but then Dickie looked up at both of them confused, "Then why are you here? You've never been over any other time Dad had us on the weekend."

"Dickie." Maureen and Kathleen said in unison.

"What? It was a simple question." He replied making a face at his older sisters.

"He's right." Olivia said glancing at Elliot who nodded for her to continue. "I haven't been here before and there is a specific reason why I'm here tonight."

Everyone had turned their attention from their dinners to her and she swallowed nervously, "Your Dad and I, well we-"

"She's pregnant." Elliot blurted out.

Olivia punched him in the arm, "Seriously?"

"What? I didn't know where you were going and I didn't think they needed some big explanation." He answered, while she fixed her hard gaze on him, clearly not amused.

"Um, it would be nice to have some sort of explanation." Kathleen said, and the other three nodded.

Olivia sighed, trying to figure out how to word it, "We've always been close, your Dad is my best friend, and one night we let things go a little too far. It screwed up our relationship and partnership for a couple months but when we found out that I was pregnant we talked and now we're back to being friends again."

They both watched as the information sunk in, none of them appeared to be angry with the news but both could tell there was still some confusion.

"So you're not dating, you're just best friends that are going to have a kid together?" Kathleen asked.

"Yes." Olivia answered, Elliot nodding in agreement.

"So we're going to have a little half brother or sister and you're going to be like our sort of stepmom?" Dickie asked.

Olivia laughed at his categorization of her, "I mean I guess so. You can call me whatever you want to call me, but I'll still be the same old Olivia that you've always known."

"Just with a kid that we are related to." Lizzie added with a smile.

"Yeah." She smiled, looking around the room at them. "So are you guys okay with this?"

"It wouldn't really matter if we weren't, but aside from being a little surprised we're happy for you." Maureen answered, smiling at her. "Congratulations."

There was a chorus of congratulations from Kathleen and the twins and then they slowly slipped back into normal conversation. Their easy acceptance of the situation surprised Olivia and she couldn't believe she'd gotten so worked up over this night only to have it go so smoothly. They passed the rest of the night talking and joking until about nine thirty when Olivia felt like she couldn't hold her eyes open any longer and started to say her goodbyes.

She hugged the twins and Kathleen on her way out of the living room and was surprised by a tight hug from Maureen when she got to the door.

She pulled back and looked at her a little puzzled, "What was that for?"

Maureen looked around making sure her father was still in the kitchen cleaning up, "I wanted to thank you for making up with him. When I came home from Hudson this summer he wasn't himself. I asked him a couple of times what was up, but he would always put on a fake smile and pretend like everything was fine. I know you weren't separated as partners or anything but I think on top of the divorce, being at odds with you made him feel lost for a while. He looked really good tonight, so thanks."

Olivia hugged her again, upset with herself for being so selfish not to realize that he must have felt completely abandoned these past two months, "Of course Maureen, I'm just sorry we couldn't have gotten over ourselves sooner."

Elliot walked in from the kitchen and they finished their goodbye before Maureen went back to the living room to discuss with the twins which movie they would be watching that night.

"That went well." Elliot commented grinning smugly.

She rolled her eyes at him, "I'm still mad at you for just blurting it out like that."

"Sure you are." He teased, giving her a hug.

"Hey, El?" She whispered resting her cheek against his.

He could feel his pulse quicken at her sudden closeness, "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for these past two months." She took a deep breath fighting to keep control of her emotions. "And now that we're going to be in each other's lives for a while, I think you should know that whatever happens, I love you. I will always love you."

His heart was beating a mile a minute and just as he thrown his plans of taking things slow to hell she kissed his cheek, waved goodbye, and walked out the door. He stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds before he felt a sharp jab to his side and looked over to find his oldest staring at him pointedly.

"Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to go get her?" She asked, moving around him so she could open the door back up.

"You heard all that?" He asked as she leaned against the door frame.

"Nope, I have no clue what she just said to you, but by the look on your face it was something significant and I'm not going to let you lose her again." She gently pushed him into the hall, and with a smile added, "Good luck."

Elliot watched as she closed the door and when he heard the thud of the deadbolt being shifted into place he finally snapped out of the fog he had been in and sprinted down the hall. He took the stairs two at a time and was outside of his apartment building in a matter of seconds. He looked around frantically and when he finally saw her it was only the back of her head as a yellow taxi pulled away from the curb and merged into the busy NYC traffic.

Instead of wasting time getting angry Elliot ran around the building to the parking lot and jumped in his SUV, and against better judgment put on his lights and sirens. His chances of getting to her apartment before her were very slim, but he had to at least get there if not when, then right after she did. Thankful that he had chosen to move only ten minutes away, Elliot was there in five and he quickly parked on the curb, made sure it was locked, and then sprinted up the steps to her building.

He usually buzzed up to be polite, but he had the code and a spare key to her apartment so he went right in and ran up the four flights of stairs to her floor.  
He was a little out of breath when he reached her landing, but it was worth it because when he got there she was just unlocking her door.

"Olivia." It was the only word he could manage, his chest was tight from the running and the nerves that had finally broke through his haze of adrenaline.

"Elliot? What are you doing here?" She asked quizzically as he walked towards her.

"I didn't want you to make the wrong assumption again." He breathed, moving close enough so there bodies almost touched and he was able to reach down and cup her cheek in his hand.

She looked into his blue irises with her chocolate brown ones, her gaze boring into his soul, "What are you saying, El?"

He smiled, leaning down so their lips were only a hairsbreadth apart, "I'm saying that I love you."

Elliot didn't wait for a response and covered her lips with his, remembering how much he'd missed her soft skin and the way their tongues moved together in rhythm, neither fighting for control, both equal in their hunger for one another. He pushed her up against the door only to have it swing open since she had already unlocked it. They fell to the floor inside her apartment, Elliot easily adjusting her so she fell on top of him, and as they continued to kiss he casually closed her front door with his foot.

When they finally broke for air she looked down at him, eyes sparkling with desire, "Do you really mean it?"

"There's not a doubt in my mind Liv." He answered, and when she smiled he claimed her lips again.

Neither was too keen on moving any further from where they already lay, and so they slowly began undressing each other, Elliot was still amazed at how beautiful she was and he made sure to show her exactly how he felt. He took pleasure in the sounds she emitted as he paid attention to both of her full breasts with his hands and mouth. She bucked into him more than once and he could feel her wet heat press against his thigh sending more blood rushing to his already extremely hard erection.

He flipped her onto her back and slowly traveled down her lean, tan form, planting kisses on every inch of skin he could see until he was before the entrance to one of the most beautiful parts of her body. He delved into her folds with his tongue; enjoying the moan his action elicited from her while he continued to explore her with his mouth as her fingers winded into his hair. After a few minutes of pleasuring her he felt her pulling at his shoulders.

"Close..." She gasped her breathing labored. "Want...need you in me."

He made his way back up her body, kissing her in the same manner as he had done on his way down, and rested his knees on either side of her hips lining himself up at her entrance. He slowly entered her, his eyes never leaving hers as they began to move together, gradually building up their measured movements until they were tangled in a frenzy of desire. Just before he reached his climax he captured her lips in a kiss as passionate as their love-making. They fell over the edge together; their cries swallowed in the others mouths as they rode out their orgasms, their bodies slowly turning to putty.

Elliot rested his forehead against hers briefly, before rolling them over, so she didn't feel crushed under his weight. After silently resting against him for a few minutes Olivia leaned up to grab the blanket that was draped over the back of her couch. He grunted in protest as he slipped from inside her, but she ignored him and with a small smile covered their naked forms with the blanket. She rested her head against his chest and he wrapped his arm around her waist, effectively holding her against his side.

Her breathing slowly returned back to normal, as did his, and she felt her eyes begin to droop, "Hey, El?"

"Yeah?" He responded kissing the top of her head.

"I don't think you'll ever know how much I love you." She whispered smiling against him as her eyes slid closed.

Elliot listened as her breathing slowly evened out, and smiled when she started to snore, "I don't know Liv, I think I might have some idea."

**A/N: Well there was my first attempt at M and I hope it wasn't too horrible. Please give me some more feedback and I am grateful for everyone that is sticking with this story!**

**-Katie**


	7. Us

Chapter Seven

Us

August 23rd, 2004

Olivia woke later that night to find herself alone in her bedroom; confused she got up, both to look for Elliot and to pee, the latter being done first. After relieving herself she grabbed her robe off the back of the bathroom door and padded out into the living room, finding him standing at the window in his boxers, his chest bare. She walked up behind him, snaking her arms around his waist and resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Whatcha doing?" She asked, watching the cars pass by her window, wondering what he found so interesting.

"Just thinking." He replied turning around in her arms to give her a kiss. "Thinking about those two months I wasted."

She shook her head, reaching up to caress his cheek, "Don't do that to yourself El. Things happen, and maybe we needed those two months to realize how much we needed each other."

He sighed and rested his forehead against hers, "How come you're always right?"

"Eh, I guess it's a girl thing." She smirked giving him a peck on the lips, "I do have one question though?"

"Hmm?" He asked leaning down to kiss her neck.

"How did I get in my bed? The last thing I remember was falling asleep on the floor." She tried to ignore him as he planted a few kisses along her collar bone, but let out a small gasp when he squeezed her breast through the thin material of her robe.

"Didn't think it was good for you to be sleeping on the floor. Took you to bed, but I couldn't fall asleep so I came out here to think." He answered slowly untying the belt that kept her bare form hidden from him.

Seeing where this was going and happy to indulge him she put her lips to his ear and whispered, "I always have trouble falling asleep after waking up in the middle of the night, think you could help me with that?"

Suddenly her feet were pulled out from under her and he was carrying her back to her bedroom bridal style. She laughed lightly at his eagerness, but couldn't deny that she was already aroused as well and was maybe even just as eager. Unlike earlier that night this time was slower, they both took time exploring each other, finding and remembering specific places on each other's bodies that sent goose bumps zinging down their arms.

Afterwards they lay side by side, Elliot spooned up against her, his arm resting over her abdomen were their child grew. "I love you, Olivia Benson."

"I love you more, Elliot Stabler." She whispered, a smile on her face as she slowly drifted off.

* * *

Olivia awoke a few hours later, this time the sun greeted her instead of the moon, but she was once again alone. She grabbed her discarded robe from the floor and slipped it on, walking into the bathroom to use the toilet and brush her teeth. Just as she was approaching her bedroom door the knob turned and Elliot stepped in with a tray of food.

"Good morning?" Her greeting came out as more of a question, causing him to laugh. "I was just coming to look for you."

"I was just bringing you breakfast." He smiled, gesturing to the bed, "Go sit down."

"That an order Stabler?" She asked as she slid back under the covers.

"What do you think Benson?" He smirked setting the tray of food down on her lap, before joining her on the bed.

Olivia looked at the food then back at him, "None of this came from my apartment, did it?"

"Nope." He gestured to the Danish, fruit cup, and orange juice. "I woke up about an hour ago planning on making you breakfast, but then I remembered that you never have any food so I went down the street to that bakery you like."

"Thank you, but you didn't have to do that." She said picking up the glass of orange juice and her prenatal vitamins that he had put in a little cup in the corner of the tray.

"I know, but I wanted to." He smiled kissing her forehead.

She handed him the pastry after swallowing her juice, "You should eat that, if I even try it will end up in the toilet."

"Speaking of, has that gotten any better?" He asked taking the plate from her.

She shrugged her shoulders, "I guess. I mean I'm still figuring out what makes me get sick, but for the most part it's almost gone. I'll be out of the first trimester this week and then hopefully I'll be able to eat whatever I want."

"Which after four kids I know that means me running out in the middle of the night for weird food combos." He replied taking a bite of the Danish.

"El, your kids," she said suddenly remembering dinner the night before, "this was your weekend with them, and now you're here at my apartment."

"Don't worry about it, Liv. I talked to Maureen this morning and she said that we should have the day to ourselves and that she was going to take Kathleen and the twins out to a movie. We're going to meet them somewhere for dinner later." He explained, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Oh, so she knows then?" She asked taking another sip of orange juice.

"In a manner of speaking." She looked at him confused and he continued. "She saw us talking before you left and basically shoved me out the door after you. She said she didn't hear what you said, but that whatever it was looked important."

"Smart girl." Olivia smiled and kissed him. "Just like her father."

"No disagreement there." Elliot smiled.

"A whole day to ourselves, whatever shall we do with it?" She questioned with a quirk of her eyebrow.

"I can think of a few things." He responded removing the glass from her hand, putting both it and the tray on the ground. He peppered her shoulder and neck with feather light kisses as he adjusted her so they were lying side by side.

"As much as I like that idea," she paused as his teeth grazed over the sensitive flesh of her earlobe, "I was thinking more along the lines of doing something outside of my apartment."

He looked at her clearly disappointed. "Like what?"

"Well I'm starting to run out of things to wear to work, unless sweat pants are acceptable." She answered.

"Oh come on Liv, you're barely three months I'm-" she interrupted him by placing his hand on her slightly rounded stomach. "Oh."

She laughed, "Yeah."

"Wow." He breathed, caressing the little bump, and then looked back up at her with a smile on his face. "We made that."

"Him." She corrected firmly. "We're not referring to our baby as a that or an it."

"Well what if I think the baby is a girl?" He countered.

"You can think whatever you want, doesn't mean you'll be right." She said with a smile. "Now I suggest that we both shower and get ready, I'm in the mood to shop."

Elliot groaned, "I love you and all but please promise me that you won't be the typical indecisive shopper that all the women in my family are."

She laughed at his dreading tone, "Have you not met me? I'm the furthest thing away from typical."

"And I thank God for that every day." He kissed her, pulling back with a smile on his face. "You said we should both get a shower..."

Olivia sat up rolling her eyes at him, "Mhmm?"

"Did you mean together?" He asked as she got up from the bed.

She sauntered into the bathroom, calling over her shoulder, "I don't know, why don't you come find out?"

* * *

"How on earth can one little person need this much stuff?" Olivia asked as they entered the Babies 'R Us.

They had made quick work of finding her work and lounge clothes for now and the rest of her pregnancy and because they still had a couple hours until they were meeting the kids for dinner, she had suggested they walk over to the baby store since they were only a block away. Although now she was second guessing her suggestion, the overwhelming feeling that overcame her as she walked into the huge store was making her a little queasy.

Elliot had somehow figured out how she was feeling and grabbed a basket instead of a cart and steered her towards the baby clothes, "We aren't going to pick out anything big right now. We have six months left to do all of that."

She sighed, feeling a little relieved, "Okay, but promise you won't let me forget about all of this stuff until the last minute."

"I promise that I won't let _us_, forget about anything." He corrected as they started to browse the racks of tiny outfits.

She looked at him apologetically, "I'm sorry, I keep forgetting that there is an us. I don't think I ever believed it really would happen."

He cupped her cheek and placed a kiss on it, stroking the side of her face, "I know, don't apologize. It's going to take some getting used to, but we'll get the hang of it. Now what do you think of this?"

He was holding up a little pink dress with a tiara on the front, and she couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that their baby would be small enough to fit into it, "Cute, if we were having a girl."

"You know, I haven't been wrong about any of my kids so far." He commented as she examined an unbelievably tiny New York Yankees jersey.

"That's right, you and Kathy never found out sexes." She said remembering a conversation they'd had a few years ago.

"Hey, Liv?" She looked up from a stand of multicolored onesies, surprised to find his expression serious.

"Yeah?"

"Just because I've done this before doesn't mean we have to do it the same way I did with Kathy. This is your first child and I don't want my experience to stop you from doing whatever you want to do." He said, taking her hand and gently squeezing it.

She smiled warmly at him, "Well first of all this is our child, we will decide things like finding out sex and what color to paint the nursery together. And I am glad to have your advice and experience. It makes everything less scary."

He returned her smile and they continued down the aisles of clothing, each periodically putting something in the basket.

"So do you want to find out the sex?" He asked as she put a pair of blue and green footy pajamas in the basket.

"I don't know, that's not for a couple months, right now I'm just worried about the next appointment." She confessed, having already told him her concerns on how Erin would react to finding out where she came from and that she was understandably worried about the results of the First Trimester Screen she had gotten that past Thursday.

"Don't worry, Liv. If she's as nice as you say she is I'm sure everything will be fine." He gave her a reassuring smile as they left the clothing department and continued to wander through the store.

"Yeah, I know. It's just I hate having to tell people, especially because other than you and the guys at the squad, I never really know what people think of me." She admitted, focusing her attention on the cribs they were walking by.

He laid his hand on her shoulder and turned her around to face him, "Look at me." She tipped her chin up and looked into his blue eyes that were full of love. "I don't care what anyone else has to say, because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. If your past was any different we may never have met and I can't imagine not having you in my life."

Her eyes filled with tears at his words and she closed the space between them and gave him a kiss that she hoped would help him understand everything she was unable to put into words. "Thank you, El."

He rested is arm across her shoulders as they went further into the furniture section. She admired a few of the cribs and rockers, before realizing something that hadn't occurred to her before.

"Neither one of us has room for a nursery." She stated, while they were looking at a beautiful dark cherry wood crib and rocker set. "My guest room is tiny and you told me Kathleen, Lizzie, and Dickie have to sleep on the pullout and an air mattress when you have them for the weekend. Where are supposed to put a baby?"

"I was actually thinking about that last night." He looked at her, and then continued a bit hesitantly. "What if we bought a house...together?"

She was silent for a few moments, trying to process his question, "Move in together?"

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything. We just started dating not even twenty-four hours ago-if you want to call it that, I'm not trying to-"

Olivia smiled, placing a finger on his lips, effectively cutting him off, "I do want to call it that and nothing about our relationship has ever been normal so asking me to buy a house and move in with you sounds great."

A grin broke out on Elliot's face, "Really?"

"Absolutely." She nodded, kissing him briefly before tugging him towards the checkouts. "C'mon, we've got a lot to tell your kids so I suggest we get to the restaurant early and figure out what we're going to say."

"Hey, Liv?" He asked as the cashier began ringing them up.

"Yeah?" She said looking at him.

"I love you." He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you too Elliot."

**A/N: Hey all! So I forgot that by posting, deleting, and then reposting a chapter you guys were unable to review the actual chapter. Sorry about that and if you did try to review, thanks! **

**Now I have a quick question. Would you all like to know the sex of the baby before he/she is born or would you like to be surprised? I've got ideas for both scenarios, but I just wanted to see what you guys thought before I made any definite decisions.**

**I thinks that's about all, so thank you for reading and I love reading everyone's reviews, especially all the encouraging ones I got about the 'Not Chapter', haha :)**

**Thanks, Katie**

**Amanda4Meloni: Thank you! I was and as you can see the rest has been figured out in this chapter **** Hope you liked it and thanks for the review!**


	8. A Peanut With Legs

Chapter Eight

A Peanut With Legs

August 30th, 2004

"Hey Liv?" They were in an exam room waiting on the doctor and she had been wringing her hands vigorously for the past ten minutes.

"What?" She asked looking at him from her seat on the exam table.

He vacated his chair against the wall and stood in front of her, taking her hands in his, "I know you're worried, but if you keep doing that you might not have any skin left by the time we get out of here."

"Sorry, I just...I hate telling people..." She trailed off sighing.

"I know you do." Elliot said planting a kiss on her forehead, "But like I said before, I think that she'll understand."

She leaned her head against his chest, wrapping her arms around his torso, "I told my mom once that I hated him for what he did to her, but I think I hate him more for what he did to me. Because of him I had a horrible childhood and now I have to worry about all the possible things that could get passed on to our child, he ruined everything."

He shook his head, resting his cheek against her hair, "What he did was horrible, but I can't hate him too much because he gave me you."

"You know, my mom said almost the exact same thing to me." She replied, pulling back to look at him.

"Smart woman." He smiled before kissing her, only pulling away when they heard a knock on the door.

He moved so he was standing beside her, his arm around her waist, as Olivia's doctor walked in. She looked to be about the same age as them and the smile on her face gave him hope that this appointment would go smoothly.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Cole, but you can call me Erin." She held out her hand.

He shook it and smiled, "I'm Elliot Stabler."

"Father?" She questioned as she took a seat on the stool in the corner of the room.

"Yep." He smiled proudly at Olivia who merely rolled her eyes at him. "I've also got-"

"Four more." Erin interrupted with a laugh, holding up the medical history form he had filled out earlier that week. "Busy man."

"So I've been told." He glanced sideways at Olivia who chuckled lightly at him.

Elliot watched as Erin looked back down at her papers and her brow furrowed, he felt Olivia tense beside him and knew what was coming next, "Olivia, you didn't fill out anything on your father's side and you have hardly any information on your mother's."

"Yup." She said her eyes pointed towards to floor.

"Is there a reason why?" She questioned, turning so she was facing them fully.

Olivia cleared her throat, "I um...I don't know much about my mother's side because...well to put it simply she was a fallen down drunk and my knowledge of her medical history is very limited."

"Alright, that's understandable, but what about your father's medical history?" She asked.

"Um...I...I mean he..." Elliot could hear her choking up and he squeezed her side, signaling that he would take over if she needed him to.

She nodded her head ever so slightly and he looked at Erin as he began speaking, "Her mother was raped and Olivia was the product of it. She doesn't know anything about him."

Erin was quiet for a long moment before standing up and hugging Olivia tightly. "I'm sorry Olivia, I had no idea."

Olivia pulled back a sad smile on her face, "That's kind of how I wanted it, I never know how people will react."

"Well I think that despite the cards life has dealt you, you're a wonderful woman and you'll make a great mom." She smiled and sat back down, grabbing another paper from Olivia's file. "Speaking of which, you'll both be pleased to know that the results of your screen came back normal and your baby is perfectly healthy."

They both sighed with relief and Elliot immediately noticed that upon mention of the baby that Olivia had considerably relaxed and her mood was brighter. They discussed the Quad screen that was available in the second trimester for a few minutes, but they both agreed that sense the first screen had shown no signs of abnormalities that the second test was unnecessary.

"Alright, now for the fun part." Erin grinned pulling the ultrasound machine out from the corner as Olivia laid back, lifting up her shirt and unbuttoning her jeans so she could push them down a bit.

Elliot laced his fingers through hers as Erin squeezed the jell onto her stomach and started moving the transducer around. It took her a few minutes but the whooshing of the baby's heartbeat suddenly filled the room and she turned the screen so they could both see.

"As I said at the last appointment now your baby will start to look more like a baby." She pointed to the impossibly tiny figure on the screen. "There's his head, arms, legs; and by the next appointment you might even be able to see fingers and toes."

"His?" Olivia questioned excitedly.

Erin laughed, "I can't tell that until you're at least five months, but I like many of the other moms I see, don't like to refer to my patients as it."

Elliot held back a laugh at the cute pout that now adorned her face, "C'mon Liv, it's just four more weeks."

"Easy for you to say, you've done this before." She responded, the pout melting away to reveal her playful smile.

Erin froze the image on the screen and put the transducer back on the machine, handing Olivia a towel to wipe herself off, "I'll go print off some pictures and be right back."

After she left and before Olivia had time to pull her shirt back down, Elliot kissed her small bump, "You are the most beautiful baby I've ever seen."

He looked up at Olivia who was smiling warmly at him, "El, he looks like a peanut with legs and arms."

He leaned back up so she could pull her shirt down and button her jeans, "Well than he's the most beautiful peanut I've ever seen."

"He? You've given up on it being a girl?" She questioned raising an eyebrow at him.

"Maybe," He answered smirking at her, "maybe not."

"You're such a tease Elliot Stabler." She groused, shoving him playfully.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her head, "Yeah, but you love me."

She nodded, "I won't disagree with you there."

Erin walked in a few minutes later with the pictures and after scheduling her five month checkup the two were in Elliot's SUV on their way back to the precinct. They drove in silence for a while, their hands laced together between the seats as Elliot kept his eyes on the road and she looked out of her window.

"Do you think we should tell Captain?" Olivia asked while they sat at a stoplight still a few streets away from the 1-6.

He looked at her confused, but it didn't take him long to figure out what she was referring to, "About us?"

"Yeah." She confirmed.

The light turned green and Elliot turned his eyes back to the road, "I don't know. I hate to lie to him with everything he is doing for us, but I'm not ready to be split up yet."

She sighed heavily, "Me either."

"But?" He prompted hearing something more in her voice.

"I want everyone to know." She answered, still looking out of her window. "I've been in love with you for so long and now that I know you feel the same way I just..." She paused before continuing a few moments later in a quiet voice, "I want to stand on the tallest building in the city and scream it so everyone can hear me. I know you probably don't understand, you haven't-"

He squeezed her hand, "If you say I haven't known for six years then you would be lying."

They were in the parking lot beside the precinct now and when he parked, he looked over to find she was gaping at him, "What did you just say?"

He unbuckled and turned so they were facing each other, "I might not have known the very moment you walked into my life that I loved you, but I knew that there was something different, special, about you. I just didn't fully realize what it was until about four months ago."

"Mhmm?" She murmured wiping at a few tears that had made their way onto her cheeks. "I hate these damn hormones."

He chuckled lightly, wiping away the wetness with his thumbs. "I realized that, that something special was how I had unknowingly given you a piece of my heart the first time you smiled at me. It took me a few years and a few more pieces of my heart to realize it, but once I did I knew I wouldn't want it any other way.

She leaned across the console between them and kissed him deeply, which was the chosen communication for both of them when words couldn't express how they were feeling. When they pulled apart for air, his hand still cupped her cheek and the love he found swimming in her dark chocolate irises would've been enough to send him to his knees had he not already been sitting down.

"You're amazing, you know that right?" She asked breaking the comfortable silence.

He grinned, "Maybe, but I don't know why YOU think so."

"Fishing for compliments Stabler?" She joked, but continued before he could answer. "I've never had any man open up to me like that before, it means a lot to me to hear how you feel and know that I feel the exactly the same way."

He kissed her forehead and pulled her into his arms, "Good, you should get used to hearing it because I love you with everything I got in me."

"Love you too." She answered and hugged him back tightly.

Their lunch break would be over in a just a few minutes so after kissing a few more times to hold them over until after work, they walked back into the building. They somehow managed to get an elevator to themselves and it didn't stop to pick up anyone, so they held hands until they got to their floor where they reluctantly pulled apart and walked over to their respective desks. Elliot promptly pulled out his copy of the ultrasound and tucked it inside the frame that held a picture of a pre-school age Maureen on his desk.

They passed the rest of the afternoon in comfortable silence, the whole squad busy filling out paperwork from a case they had wrapped the day before. However after only a few hours everyone was done and when a game of trash can basketball led to a (thankfully empty) coffee pot being knocked over and almost broke, Cragen decided it was best that they head on home. For appearances sake Elliot and Olivia had driven separately and she left the precinct first to go get her apartment ready for when he brought his kids over. Kathy had something going on the next day and had asked him to take the kids, and Olivia had offered them her apartment to crash in since it was bigger.

Before he left he sent Kathleen a text that he was leaving and would be there soon. Elliot put away his paperwork, and was in the middle of shutting down his computer when Munch and Fin approached his desk with serious looks on their faces.

"You two need somethin'?" He asked standing up once his computer was shut off.

Munch gestured towards the locker room, "Got a minute?"

Elliot nodded and followed them, watching curiously when they made sure it was just the three of them in the locker room, "What's going on?"

Munch turned to him with a grin on his face and slapped his back, "You finally did it. So when's the wedding?"

"What the hell are you talking about John?" He asked, bewildered.

Fin rolled his eyes sighing, "What he meant to say was that we're glad you finally told Liv how you feel and that we're happy things are going good for you guys."

"Oh," he paused eyebrows drawn together in confusion, "Um thanks, but how did you even know?"

"Do you think we're really that stupid? You two have been giving each other these weird looks all week." Munch answered, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Do you think Cap knows?" He asked, ignoring Munch's question.

"If he does he ain't sayin' anything." Fin replied.

Elliot rubbed a hand over his eyes, "Good. Do you two mind keeping this to yourselves. We hate to lie to him, but neither one of us is ready to be split up right now."

"Yeah, no problem." Fin answered grabbing his jacket from his locker before heading for the door.

Elliot followed and Munch brought up the rear, "I won't spill, but I do have one condition."

Elliot and Fin turned to the older man as they stopped in front of the elevators, "Alright?" Elliot asked warily.

John smirked, "You've gotta drink a whole pot of my coffee."

**A/N: Hehe, I thought that would be a fun way to end this chapter :) This was kind of a filler chapter, got some stuff taken care of that needed to be, but I promise there are more interesting and intense moments coming in the next several chapters.**

**Now as some of you may have noticed there is a date at the beginning of a chapter, reason being that even though I knew the timeline of the story I keep forgetting to add it into the story itself so I'm going to go back and add dates to the previous chapters.**

**I guess that's all, so thanks for reading and I'm very thankful for all your reviews!**


	9. Couldn't Be Happening

**A/N: Hey all, just a quick note before you start reading. This chapter is taken mostly from the episode Intoxicated in season six. It's one of my favorites, and it fit right with this storyline, though I have altered it a little. But as always all rights to Dick Wolf, yada yada.****  
**

Chapter Nine

Couldn't Be Happening

September 5th, 2004

Olivia walked into the Denise and Carrie Eldridge's apartment and looked around; the whole place was a wreck and not just from when CSU had been in to collect Denise's body. The mess in the kitchen with takeout containers and dirty dishes lying around haphazardly was all too familiar and it made her decision to come see for herself if Warner's findings were true that much worse.

Going on instinct she strode into the bathroom, took the top layers of laundry out of the laundry basket and sure enough there it was, a bottle of partly finished vodka. She inwardly cursed herself, how couldn't she have seen this, her of all people should have picked up on the signs of an alcohol abusing parent. The next thirty minutes consisted of her walking around the apartment, going to every place where she remembered her mother would have hidden alcohol. She was just pulling another bottle of the clear liquid out from behind a cabinet when she heard a knock on the door.

It was Elliot, and she shot him a self-deprecating smile, "No wonder I hated Denise so much. All along Carrie was just trying to get me to protect her."

"What are you doing here?" He asked walking further into the apartment.

"Wanted to see what else I was wrong about." She paused, her glance moving to the bottles that took up almost half of the counter space in the kitchen, "How could I have missed this? I was in the exact same situation as Carrie and I missed all the signs."

"Liv, what are you talking about?" He asked, taking her hands in his.

She sighed, "You know that my mother was an English professor, right?" He nodded, so she continued. "When I was sixteen I started dating one of her students. He was a senior, he was twenty-one, and he asked me to marry him and I said yes, because I wanted to get away from my mother."

"Okay." He said, the look on his face still confused.

Olivia turned around, wrapping her arms around herself, knowing the next part was hard, "She found out and she told me if I didn't stop seeing him she would have him kicked out of college and I told her that I was moving out. She was halfway through a bottle of vodka and she dropped it, it shattered all over the floor and then..." She paused, her throat already getting thick with emotion. "And then she picked up the jagged edge of the bottle...and she came at me...screaming...'I'll never let anyone else have you.' "

She felt Elliot's hand on her shoulder, and she covered her mouth to quiet her sudden sob. "And so I kicked her, hard. And then I kicked her again and she went flying across the room, into the wall and she slid down to the floor." She shook her head, remembering the horrible feeling that had crept into her stomach that night. "I'd never hurt her before. I ran out...I was so afraid."

Elliot turned her around, pulling her into his arms as she began to sob into his chest. He smoothed his hand over her hair comfortingly and after an indeterminable amount of time she pulled away from him, wiping at the tears on her cheeks.

"So I should have seen this." She said looking up at him. "I should have recognized Carrie's love for Justin as an escape from her mother. If I had, then maybe she wouldn't be facing murder charges right now."

He shook his head, "Just because you know how something feels, doesn't mean you have to be on the lookout for it 24/7."

Olivia rested her cheek on his shoulder, enjoying the comforting feeling that surged through her when he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I know, but it doesn't make the guilty feeling go away."

He rubbed his hands up and down her back, "I know."

They were quiet for some time, before she suddenly pulled back a little to look at him, "You haven't yelled at me yet."

"What? Why would I yell at you?" He questioned.

"I'm not supposed to be out in the field, let alone by myself." She explained.

"Ohhh." He smiled in understanding. "I trust you not to put yourself or our child in any danger, I came here because I talked to Warner and figured out that you must've come here when you didn't show up at the precinct after court. I wasn't planning on yelling at you, unless you wanted me to-?"

She laughed, "No thanks, I'm good."

They stayed in the apartment a little while longer, continuing to look for bottles until Elliot found a pack of birth control pills prescribed to Carrie, under the sink. Realizing that they disproved the PMDD because they showed that Carrie was already on day six of her period when she killed her mother, Olivia took them and left to go talk to Carrie and Simone.

Halfway through the interview there was suddenly an odd fluttering in her stomach, it felt like morning sickness, but there was something different about it. She did her best to ignore it and focus of getting the rest of the information she needed from Carrie. After Simone confronted her in the hallway she called Casey and asked if they could meet and when the ADA arrived at the bar, Olivia was intently studying her stomach.

"Something wrong?" Casey asked, taking a seat beside her and ordering a beer.

"I'm not sure." She answered taking a sip of her water before looking at her stomach again. "When I was talking to Carrie I thought my morning sickness was back because I got this weird feeling in my stomach, but I don't feel like I have to get sick and it hasn't stopped."

Casey smiled, "Is it like a flutter?"

Olivia nodded looking up at her, "Yeah, why?"

"It's the baby." She answered with a smile. "It's a little early for you to be feeling it, but it's still possible."

"How-how do you know that? Are you sure?" She asked, eyes wide, her hands now covering her stomach.

"I've got a three year old nephew and my sister called me every time something big happened when she was pregnant with him, which was about every day in her mind." She explained with a laugh. "Oh and you won't be able to feel it from the outside for a while, at least a couple more weeks."

Olivia was quiet for a long moment, focused on the feeling in her stomach, "This is the weirdest and most amazing thing I've ever felt."

"That's about the same reaction my sister had." Casey said, taking a swig of her beer. "So, you ever gonna tell me who the father is?"

Olivia moved her hand back up to cup her glass, rolling it between her palms. "I already told you that I didn't know who he was, it was just a fling."

The redhead chuckled dryly, "Yeah and what I didn't tell you, but will now, is that I know you Olivia and that is complete bull."

Olivia debated the pros and cons of trusting Casey with their secret, she did trust her friend, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to ask someone else to risk their job for them. "Okay, you're right, I know who it is. He knows and we're together and are doing great, but if I tell you...you can't say anything."

"Alright so it's someone in the precinct then?" Casey asked, and Olivia nodded her head. "So how's Stabler feel about having another kid?"

"Seriously? I mean, is it really that obvious?" She huffed, taking a sip of her water.

"Eh, only if you've been around you two for a while and by a while I mean an hour." She laughed and nudged Olivia's elbow. "But I'm happy for you guys, and I promise your secret's safe with me."

"Thanks Casey." She sent her a grateful smile.

"You're welcome, Liv." She answered smiling back. "Now, back to why we're really here, what did Carrie say?"

They talked for a while, Olivia told Casey the same story she'd told Elliot earlier that afternoon and it convinced her to give Carrie a deal. Once they'd worked that out they stayed a little longer just to catch up, something they hadn't done in a while. At about nine Elliot called and nicely (and over protectively) suggested that Olivia come home, and it took all of her control not to get hormonal on him.

Casey laughed lightly at her red face when Olivia hung up, "Curfew?"

She sighed shaking her head, "He just gets worried and sometimes it's hard for me to remember that it's not just me anymore."

"I bet." Olivia got up and hugged her. "See ya tomorrow."

"What time is court again? I'd like to be there." She asked.

"Ten." Casey answered, signaling for her check.

"Alright, I'll see you then, goodnight Casey." Olivia said.

"Night, Olivia." She replied.

Once outside Olivia hailed a cab and gave them her address; lately Elliot had been spending more time in her apartment then his and it was likely it would stay that way until they found a house. After the initial decision to move in and buy a house together, they hadn't done a whole lot of house hunting and now that she was four months along she decided they would need to do something about that soon. She absentmindedly rubbed her stomach, the odd fluttering already becoming familiar had picked back up as they got closed to her apartment and she wondered if the baby somehow knew who they were going to see.

After paying the cabbie, Olivia took her time walking up to her apartment, trying to fully absorb this feeling. It finally felt real, that she was going to be a mother, that the life growing inside her was really there and not just a figment of her imagination. It was a surprisingly happy feeling and she didn't feel scared or nervous at all, though there was definitely more time for those feelings to change in the coming months. But for now she would hold on to this blissful feeling and make it last as long as she could.

* * *

The next morning when Olivia's alarm went off at eight, she quickly turned it off and rolled over to snuggle into Elliot, but was only met with more mattress. She sat up and listened for him in the kitchen but she heard no noise and was extremely confused; after she came back from her meeting with Casey last night he decided that he would go with her to court. Ignoring her need to pee, she walked into the kitchen and looked around for a note; something they had both agreed to do whenever they left unexpectedly.

She found two yellow post-it notes stuck to the counter and quickly read them both.

LIV-

HAD TO GO IN EARLY, CAP CALLED AND SAID HE NEEDED ME FOR SOMETHING. MEET YOU IN COURT AT TEN.

LOVE, EL

She smiled widely when she picked up the second one and read who it was addressed to.

BABY-

YOU WOKE MOMMY UP TWICE LAST NIGHT TO PEE AND ITS COOL THAT YOU CAN MOVE NOW, BUT TAKE IT EASY TODAY, OKAY?

LOVE, DADDY

Olivia laughed at the note, not realizing how much of a softie he really was. He had been extremely excited when she had revealed the newest development in her pregnancy when she had arrived home last night, and even though he'd already had four children he still tried to feel the movement and was still disappointed when he couldn't. The pout that had appeared on his face made her feel sorry for him and she promised she would tell him every time she felt something in case he would be able to feel it.

She grabbed a banana and both of the notes and walked back to her bedroom, peeling the banana after she had stuck both notes on the top of her dresser mirror. She quickly ate the piece of fruit and jumped into the shower and when she was washing her body she noticed that the baby was being rather calm this morning and her mind wandered back to Elliot's note.

It was only nine when she was done getting ready, but she figured it wouldn't hurt to go ahead and leave for court, she might even get a chance to talk with Carrie. The only problem with this plan was that she couldn't find her keys, but after ten minutes of searching around her apartment she finally saw them poking out from under a magazine on the coffee table. She heaved a sigh and leaned down to grab them but drew in a sharp breath when there was a sudden stabbing pain in her abdomen.

Olivia tried to stand back up but the pain was growing increasingly stronger and it was all she could do not to completely collapse on the floor. She slid down against the front of the couch and pulled her knees up to her chest, scared to death because it felt like period cramps times ten and her mind could only think of one possible explanation and she couldn't accept it. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and sent Elliot a quick text, but she couldn't bring herself to get up, paralyzed both with fear and pain. After a few minutes she felt something wet pooling between her legs and she started to sob when her hand came back covered with blood. This couldn't be happening.

* * *

Elliot walked up to the courthouse just as Casey was walking out, he'd gotten tied up with paperwork he had yet to file on the case and had missed the plea hearing.

"How'd it go?" He asked her when they reached each other.

"Fine, where's Olivia?" She asked looking around.

Worry immediately crept into his mind, "What do you mean?"

"Well last night she told me she was going to come and she never showed up." She answered.

"We were supposed to meet here, but I got tied up and figured I would just meet her afterwards." He said quietly, his mind going off in a thousand different directions.

"Okay, we don't need to start freaking out, did she call?" Casey questioned, seeing his distress.

"No, but-" he stopped just as a new text from her appeared on his screen. It was sent an hour ago, but he assumed he'd been in a dead spot when she had originally sent it.

SOMETHING'S WRONG, NEED YOU.

"Shit." He whispered, starting back down the steps.

"What happened?" Casey asked, right behind him.

"I don't know, she just said something was wrong, but she sent the text an hour ago and I just got it." He explained unlocking and getting into his SUV, surprised when he saw Casey sitting in the passenger seat next to him. "Don't you have more cases?"

"None that can't wait." She replied buckling her seatbelt.

Elliot nodded and turned on his sirens, making it to her apartment in record time. He took the stairs two at a time and could hear Casey right behind him, and he briefly wondered how she was running like that in heels. He stuck his key in her door and his nervous hands fumbled with it for a second before Casey pushed him out of the way and unlocked it for him.

"Thanks." He muttered, pushing passed her into the apartment. "Olivia?"

He looked around and his eyes caught sight of the back of her head in front of the couch, hanging limp against her shoulder. He rushed around the piece of furniture to find her sitting in a puddle of what he assumed was her own blood. Ignoring the sick feeling in his stomach he quickly checked for a pulse and was relieved when he found one.

"Casey, could you-"

"Ambulance is already on its way." She interrupted, laying a hand on his shoulder. "She's going to be fine."

"She better be." He whispered, stroking Olivia's face. "Don't leave me, Liv."

**A/N: See what I meant about things getting more interesting? Thanks again for all of you that continue to read and review!**

**-Katie**

**Guest: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!**

**Tiffany: Hope this update was fast enough for ya!**


	10. Loss

**A/N: Sorry in advance and I would grab a box of tissues if I were you.**

Chapter Ten

Loss

September 5th, 2004

Olivia slowly blinked open her eyes, taking in her surroundings, confused for a few moments as to why she was in a hospital room until the memories suddenly came flooding back to her. She looked around the room frantically, hoping she would see a fetal monitor or something that meant the baby was still alive, but she found nothing except for Elliot's head resting on her thigh. He slept, but as she studied his face she found the skin under and around his eyes was puffy from crying and in that moment all hope fled her and she knew.

She had lost the baby.

Tears sprang in her eyes and as hard as she tried to hold it back she couldn't suppress the strangled sob that escaped her lips. Within minutes her body was wracking with sobs as she was filled with the overwhelming feeling of loss that came with losing a child. She hadn't even realized how much she was in love with her baby, their baby, until the opportunity to love him was ripped away from her.

It wasn't long before she felt a strong pair of arms wrap around her comfortingly and she took solace in his embrace and the loving feeling he conveyed through just his touch. She buried her head in his shoulder and cried unashamedly for an indeterminable amount of time, at one point she could've sworn she wasn't the only one shaking and her suspicions were confirmed when she felt tears fall onto the top of her head. Knowing that he was in the same pain as she was should have consoled her, but it only served to make her cry harder knowing that she was the reason for his pain. She wouldn't let him know this though, because she knew he would try to make her see that this wasn't her fault, even though she knew it was.

Sometime later her sobs had turned to hiccups and she had somehow pulled him onto the bed so that she was lying against his side, her head resting on his chest. She could feel sleep pulling at her eyes, exhausted from crying so hard, but she wasn't ready to succumb to the welcoming darkness just yet.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, her eyes intently studying the buttons on his shirt.

He planted a feather light kiss just above her eyebrow, "So am I."

She didn't ask what he was apologizing for, not having the strength to argue with him just then. "He was all I ever wanted." She did not mean to verbalize this particular thought, but the words were out of her mouth before she could take them back.

He stroked her back, sighing heavily, "Me too, Liv."

She was thankful he didn't need to ask if she was referring to the baby because she didn't think she would've been able to explain without more tears being involved. With that off of her chest she was able to fall into a comfortable, yet uneasy sleep, though thankfully she didn't dream for if she did she was afraid of what her dreams would be about.

* * *

Olivia was discharged that evening and Elliot took her back to his apartment because her living room floor was still stained with blood and he didn't think either one of them was ready to deal with that yet. He led her back to his bedroom and found a pair of sweats and an oversize t-shirt for her to wear, and once she was changed she laid down on the bed, pulling the covers up to her chin.

"I don't have much in the way of food since I've been staying with you most of the time, so I'm going to run out and get some stuff for the rest of the week. Is there anything you want?" He asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"No." She answered, turning on her side so she was facing away from him. "You should go talk to Cragen while you're out. Tell him we aren't going to be in for a week."

He nodded, and then remembered she couldn't see him, "Yeah, good idea."

She didn't say anything more so he slowly got up and made his way to the door, hating this sudden and unexpected distance between them. He could already tell that this week off was going to be difficult, but he was also grateful that Erin had made it mandatory, because he knew that Olivia would have rather gone back to work and absorbed herself in the job as a way to get away from the pain instead of staying home with him. Hopefully this week would give them time to grieve and begin the healing process, though a small part of him believed that a week wouldn't even serve as half of the time they needed to get over this loss.

Elliot stopped in the doorway and grabbed the door handle, "Alright, I'll be back soon." He took a step into the hallway, but then turned back, "I love you, Olivia."

"Love you." She mumbled in response.

Elliot quietly shut the door, his heart breaking at the way she weakly uttered those two words that were usually so full of meaning. He pushed these feelings to the back of his mind and headed out, stopping at the grocery first and then heading down to the 1-6. He walked into the precinct with a heavy heart, glad to see Munch and Fin's desks empty; he wasn't in the mood to talk to more people than was necessary.

As Elliot neared the Captain's office he felt a ball of fear and anxiousness ball up in his chest. He wasn't sure what Casey had told him or the others, the last he could remember speaking to her was right after the doctor had come out and told them the news. He had asked her politely if she would mind leaving and not to call the rest of the squad down to the hospital, they needed time to process this on their own before being able to accept any condolences. She had agreed and given him a small hug, promising she would let the squad know that Olivia was alright, but that he would have the opportunity to tell them about the baby on his own.

He knocked on the door, waiting to enter until he heard the older man say he could come in. He tried his best to compose himself and his overwhelming grief as he took a seat in one of the chairs in front of the desk.

"I didn't think I'd see you here tonight, thought you'd be glued to her side." Cragen said, skipping the pleasantries.

"I had to pick up some stuff from the grocery and I thought this would be better to do in person." He answered, willing his gaze away from the older man's gentle one.

"Casey didn't say much about Liv or the baby, just that she was okay and you would let us know more later." He said, looking at Elliot expectantly. "I know that look Elliot, what aren't you telling me?"

Elliot looked back at Cragen confused, "I've been purposely not looking at you."

"That's what I mean." He replied grinning gently. "Now, why don't you tell me what's going on?"

Elliot took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly as he ran a hand through his hair, "When Liv didn't show up at court Casey and I went back to her apartment and when we got there..." He paused, hating the feeling of fear the memory evoked in him. "There was blood and she was passed out, and so we took her to the hospital, but by the time we got there...it was too late."

He stopped there, unable to say the actual words out loud and was grateful when the older man didn't ask him to elaborate. Elliot watched as Cragen stood and walked around the desk until he was standing behind him and he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Don said sorrowfully.

His words were so sincere and for the third time that day, Elliot found tears running down his face. He rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands as his body began to shake violently even as his tears remained silent. It took him a few minutes to compose himself, and for fear that he might start crying again he kept his eyes trained on the floor.

"I thought I was going to lose her." He whispered after a while. "Losing the baby hurts like something I've never felt before, but if I had lost her too..."

"I know." Don said softly when Elliot trailed off. "You two are really close and it wouldn't have been easy for any of us if something had happened to her."

Elliot shook his head, "No, it's different now, we..." He sighed, looking up at the older man apologetically. "We've been seeing each other for about two weeks and we both admitted that we've been in love for a lot longer than that, even if we never said it out loud. We wanted to tell you, but you'd already done so much with the baby and IAB that we didn't want to make it more difficult for you."

Don gave him a small smile, "I'm glad you two finally came to your senses."

"You knew?" Elliot asked, not really surprised.

"From day one." He answered, walking back around the desk and sitting down. "I assume you and Olivia will be taking some time off?"

"Yeah, Olivia's doctor said she needed to take at least a week and I'm going to as well. I'm not sure if she'll want to take more time or come right back to work, we haven't really talked about it, but this isn't a small loss by any means so I wouldn't be surprised if she decides to take more time." He explained.

"You know you can always take more time if you need it too. Lord knows you both have enough time saved up to last you for a while." Don said leaning back in his chair.

"I know, I'm not sure if I want to yet, but I'll make sure to call as soon as we figure all of this out." He said, standing up from the chair.

"Alright, take as long as you need, there's no rush." He answered as Elliot started to open the door. "And, Elliot?"

He turned back around, "Yeah, Cap?"

"I really am sorry." Don said, his eyes suspiciously misty.

Elliot gave him a small nod, "So are we."

With a small wave he left the office, glad that his coworkers' desks were still empty so that he didn't have to explain his red and puff eyed state. He made good time getting back to his apartment and since it was only a little after six when he walked in and finished putting the groceries away he decided to fix grilled cheese and soup, one of the few dishes in his repertoire. He turned on the radio, making sure it wasn't too loud, for some background noise as he cooked so the silence of his apartment didn't become too overwhelming.

He was just finishing the second sandwich when he heard his bedroom door open and watched as Olivia shuffled into the kitchen, wiping the sleep out of her eyes.

"Hey." He greeted, sliding the sandwich from the frying pan to a plate and setting on the counter by his already half eaten one.

"Hi." She replied half-heartedly, casually side-stepping him when he moved to embrace her.

"Are you hungry?" He asked, confused and a little bit angry with the way she was acting.

"No." She answered, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked, trying again to start some sort of conversation.

"Yep." She said, starting to walk out of the kitchen.

"Nope, not gonna happen." He said, grabbing her wrist, effectively stopping her from leaving.

"What is it, El?" She asked her tone exasperated and short.

"Why won't you talk to me?" He questioned, squeezing her hand.

She sighed looking away from him, "I'm talking to you now."

"You know that's not what I mean." He argued, reluctantly letting go of her hand as she pulled it out of his grasp.

"No I don't know what you mean, I don't even understand why..." She trailed off folding her arms over her chest.

He looked at her expectantly, "What, what don't you understand?"

"I don't understand why you're still here, okay? That's what I don't understand." She replied angrily.

"What do you mean?" He asked, thoroughly confused. "I told you I was only going to be gone for-"

"That's not what I meant!" She yelled, cutting him off and turning away from him, he was about to ask once again what she was talking about, but she spoke before he could. "I don't understand why you haven't ended this yet. The baby's gone; you have no obligation to me anymore."

He started to open his mouth to reply but was caught off guard as he watched her shoulders start to shake. Sighing sadly, he turned her around and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her to his chest as she continued to cry. He rocked her back and forth and before he realized what he was doing they were moving around his kitchen in lazy circles in time with the song that was currently playing on the radio.  
_  
__I don't know__  
__Why it has to be so black and white for you and me__  
__When there's a million colors in between__  
__And we could be anything_

He remembered hearing the song briefly when he had been driving out to a crime scene in Queens a few weeks earlier and for some reason the lyrics had stuck with him so he started to softly sing the last few chords.

"The truth ain't always what it seems, and right or wrong lacks depth to me. Fear is our only enemy and we could be, we could be, we could be anything." He positioned his mouth right next to her ear and crooned the last few words to her. "We could be, we could be, we could be anything. We could be, we could be, we could be anything."

As the last notes of the song faded out he pulled back, smoothing her hair out of her face and resting his hand on her cheek. "I want you to listen to me very closely, okay?"

She nodded, her beautiful brown orbs watery and red stayed fixed on him, "Okay."

"I love you with all of my heart, Olivia and nothing and no one can change that." He brushed away a stray tear that had may its way down her cheek with his thumb. "This...losing our child, it's horrible and it hurts and I hate it, but it's not your fault. I don't and will never blame you, because despite what you might think this was completely out of your control and absolutely not your fault. Got it?"

She nodded and kissed him on the lips, conveying through her touch all the sorrow and hurt she was feeling, and when she pulled back her eyes were holding back more tears, "It just hurts so much, El."

"I know." He whispered, pulling her back against him and resting his hand on the back of her head. "But we will get through this together, okay?"

"Okay." She answered her voice shaky. "I love you."

"I love you too, Olivia." He placed a soft kiss on the side of her head. "Don't ever forget that."

**A/N: So the reason it took me so long to update was because this was a very hard chapter to write and I wanted to do my best to convey to you just what they were feeling and going through. I have never lost a child and I can't imagine the way it must feel, which is why I spent so much time on this chapter. I had no intention to diminish or down-play this situation and if I have offended anyone in any way, I apologize.****Well, despite the sad mood of this chapter, I hope you all, if not enjoyed, at least appreciated this chapter. Not sure if I can actually find the right word so I'm just going to stop babbling and thank you for reading and continuing to review.****I decided not to respond to the unsigned or signed reviews this chapter, because they all were pretty much hoping for a better outcome and as you see that didn't happen. Either way, thank you for your reviews, I appreciate them all.****Thanks, Kate**


	11. Healing

Chapter Eleven

Healing

September 19th, 2004

Olivia stood outside the door to the guest room, trash bag in hand, taking a few measured breaths before finally finding the courage to turn the brass doorknob. She quickly walked around the room, picking up clothes, toys, and blankets that had already been purchased, doing her best not to look at any item longer than a few seconds. Everything fit snugly in the bag, but as she dropped the last onesie in the bag and looked around the room, now emptied of any and all traces of the beginnings of a nursery, her heart clenched. She looked down at the plastic bag in her hands, marveling at the fact that all her hopes and dreams of having a family fit in such a small space.

She sunk down on the bed in the center of the room and against her better judgement pulled a few things out of the bag. She ran her hands over the smooth material of a duck-covered fleece blanket she'd bought a few days ago and wasn't surprised when she saw a few droplets of water suddenly appear on the soft fabric. She sniffed and wiped at her cheeks, stuffing the blanket and the rest of the things she had gotten out, back in the bag before tying it tight and dropping it on the floor. Hung had suggested at her session earlier that afternoon that she might want to think about putting the baby's things away, one of the many ways to start the process of healing and moving on.

Olivia rolled her eyes, if only it were that easy. She felt as if a huge chunk of her heart had been torn from the whole and even though she knew that Huang knew what he was talking about, healing and moving on seemed like a very far off goal at this point.

Olivia stood, grabbing the bag on the floor and stalking down the hall to their bedroom. She threw open the closet door and shoved the bag as far into the back corner as she could and proceeded to rearrange her clothes so she could barely see the offending plastic had also told her not to get rid of any of the baby's things because someday she might want to look at them and remember the good stuff. But she honestly wished she could just throw it all away, because she didn't think she would ever want to look at any of these things again. As she slammed the door shut she felt hot angry tears fall down her cheeks and for the hundredth time in the past two weeks she wondered how she hadn't exploded yet. She felt angry, confused, depressed, and empty all at once, all the time, and it was driving her crazy, among other things.

On the other hand Elliot seemed to be doing better than she was; he had gone back to work at the beginning of the week. She'd had every intention of accompanying him, but she had taken one look at the building that housed the 16th Precinct and had lost every bit of confidence she had previously possessed. Elliot hadn't blamed her and had been patient and understanding the whole of the last two weeks. However she did find herself feeling a little jealous, of all things, when she saw that he appeared to already be recovering from their loss, while she was left behind, still in shambles. Olivia tried not to let these feelings show, because she didn't actually believe them herself, but as selfish as it sounded she still found that a small part of her wished he was right where she was, because rock bottom didn't seem so scary when you had someone sitting beside you.

Olivia's thoughts were interrupted when she heard the front door unlock and she glanced at the alarm clock on the dresser, confused when she saw it was only a little past four. He was never home any earlier than six and that was on a good day. She stood up and walked down the hall just as he turned around from hanging his jacket on the back of the door, and the face she was met with surprised her. His eyes were red with unshed tears and his whole body screamed exhaustion and defeat, which was beyond confusing and left her feeling very concerned.

"El?" She asked tentatively.

Suddenly she was surrounded by his embrace in a bone crushing hug and she could feel him shaking against her as he silently cried into her hair. She comforted him as best she could, rubbing her hands up and down his back and whispering soothing words in his ear. She was still rattled by his unexpected emotional state and when he finally calmed down enough to where she could lead him over to the couch, she situated herself between him and the back of the sofa and tried to figure out what could possibly be bothering him. After ten minutes had passed and he still hadn't said a word she decided if they were going to get anywhere she would have to be the one to start the conversation.

"Rough day at work?" She asked, trying to sound casual.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, taking a deep breath and slowly releasing it. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Elliot I haven't seen you like that because of something at work in a long time. What happened?" She pressed, not willing to let him drop the subject.

"I didn't say it was because of work. I just don't want to talk about it, okay?" He snapped icily.

Olivia was at a loss for words, not understanding his sudden change in attitude. They'd been so open with each other since she had lost the baby because they both knew that secrets wouldn't do anything to help their situation. Now it seemed like they were moving backward instead of forward and she didn't like that at all.

She sat up and climbed off of him, not saying a word until she was standing in the doorway to their room. "When you're ready to talk, I'll be in here."

She shut the door quietly and walked into their bathroom, turning on the shower, hoping that the hot water would calm her down. She didn't know why he had snapped or what had happened at work, but she did know that she had absolutely no desire to fight with him. They hadn't had a fight since the night he brought her home from the hospital and she didn't want to have another anytime soon. Arguing was part of having a healthy relationship and even though she knew that, the pain from their loss was still too sharp and she didn't think she could handle even the simplest of bickering just yet.

Olivia stripped off her clothes and stepped inside the shower, sliding the door closed behind her. She stood under the hot spray coming from the shower head for several minutes and was so absorbed in the comforting feeling that she didn't realize she was crying until she tasted the salt on her lips. She wiped at her tears angrily and pounded her fist on the wall; she hated this. She wanted to be done with the tears, with the pain and the hole it had left in her heart. She wanted to be done with this stupid, unwanted dynamic of grief in their relationship. Most of all she wanted to forget that any of this had ever happened.

She barely registered the sound of the shower door opening and closing, but when she felt Elliot's hand on her shoulder she turned around and buried her head in the crook of his neck. They stood under the spray of hot water for a while, unmoving aside from the occasional kiss he pressed to her shoulder. Her tears had stopped almost as soon as he had wrapped his arms around her, but she found herself craving more of his comforting touch and began kissing him up his neck and along his jawline until their lips met. He caressed her lips softly, but she didn't wait long before deepening the kiss, hoping he understood what she was asking for, what she desperately needed.

When they pulled apart, both breathing heavily, his blue eyes that had grown dark with desire looked at her questioningly. She simply nodded and kissed him again, rubbing her center against his hardening shaft. They hadn't made love since she lost the baby, even after Erin had given them the okay a few days ago at Olivia's follow up appointment, which explained Elliot's careful and calculated caresses as he explored her body. Olivia nuzzled his neck with her nose and nipped at his sensitive flesh, soothing it with her tongue only a moment later, hoping he understood that she had no desire to be treated like a fragile china doll .

She received her answer when he picked her up and pushed her against the opposite shower wall. She wrapped both of her legs around his waist as he moved his hands to the back of her thighs to support her so she didn't fall. Her fingers speared into his short hair as she kissed her way across his shoulder, up his neck, and finally to his his mouth where their lips met for a heated kiss. When they broke apart his mouth trailed kisses down her collar bone and chest until his mouth hovered teasingly over one breast. She hefted her chest impatiently and he complied, sucking her sensitive flesh until she moaned in pleasure further hardening the erection that was pressed into her thigh. When he removed his mouth from her nipple a few minutes later, she grabbed his chin before he could move onto the next one and covered his lips with hers, bucking into him as his tongue entered her mouth.

He took the hint and slid her down the wall a little bit so that he was lined up at her entrance. She let out a small gasp as he slowly entered her and she realized how much she had missed being with him in this way. She met him stroke for stroke as he began to move inside her and not much later she whispered "I love you." in his ear just before she came. He followed her over the edge mere seconds later and she was thankful he was still holding her legs, otherwise she would've been a puddle of mush on the floor.

Elliot leaned his forehead against her shoulder and she rested her cheek against his head, both not moving until the water turned cold and she began to shiver. He slid out of her when he reached around to turn off the the water and she sighed heavily in protest. He turned around and smiled apologetically, giving her a quick peck on the lips before backing away from the wall and carrying her out of the shower into the bedroom. He pulled back the covers, laid her down on the bed, and slid in beside her pulling the blanket over their naked forms.

She snuggled into his side, using his chest as a pillow as her eyes began to droop from both physical and mental exhaustion. She was just beginning to doze off when she felt him sigh beneath her and she took this as a sign that he was ready to talk.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you." He said, stroking his hand up and down her back.

"It's okay, you weren't ready to talk and I shouldn't have pushed you." She answered kissing his bare chest lightly.

"Yeah, but I was stupid to expect that you would just drop it because I asked you to." He countered.

She was quiet for a moment, hoping her next question wouldn't upset him. "Are you ready to talk about it now?"

"I guess there's no use in putting it off any longer." He paused and she waited patiently for him to continue. "Metro found a newborn in a dumpster this morning."

Olivia sucked in a breath, her eyes wide, "Oh."

"That's not even the half of it." He said, lacing his fingers through hers. "The baby was found alive and when Fin and I got to Bellevue she had already been checked out and was in perfect health. The part that really pissed me off was the fact that she had been dumped not even half a block away from the hospital, and even though she shouldn't have been abandoned at all, they could have at least left her at the damn hospital."

"Did you find out why she was abandoned?" She asked quietly.

He sighed, "It was the classic high school situation of boy meets girl, girl gets pregnant. She wanted to keep the baby, but he had convinced her to give it up for adoption and he said he would take care of everything. Only, the bastard was too much of a coward to tell his parents so he just decided leaving the baby to die in an alley was a better option. The girl, Beth, was happy to have her baby back and she told us that when they left the hospital he took Emma and told her he was taking her to the adoption agency and she didn't find it odd that she had never met an adoption agent because she was already such a mess from having to give her up."

"Emma?" Olivia questioned.

"That's what Beth named her, she was the cutest little thing, crazy brown hair and big blue eyes." He explained a small smile on his face. "When we finally dragged the douche in for questioning he acted like it was no big deal. I threw him up against the wall and was about ten seconds away from killing the asshole when Captain came in, dragged me off of him and sent me home."

"I'm glad he stopped you." She whispered when he was finished.

"The kid deserved to die." Elliot muttered angrily.

She shook her head and shifted so she could look into his eyes. "I understand why you would say that, and so does Don, which is why he didn't take your gun and badge before you left. But Elliot, even though we lost a baby it doesn't give either of us the right to go around bashing people's skulls in that don't understand the gift of a child. Plus if you would've been thrown in jail by Tucker because you were being so stupid I would've killed you myself."

He chuckled, kissing her before she laid her head back down on his chest. "You're right, it's just hard. Anyway enough about me and my day, how was your appointment with Huang this afternoon?"

"It was fine." She sighed, remembering the bag that was currently sitting in the back of their closet. "He said it might be a good idea to put away the baby's things."

"Did you?"

She nodded, "Yeah, wasn't easy, but I think it will help."

"Good, I'm glad he's helping you." He said, kissing her head.

"He also suggested something else, but I wasn't sure if you'd go for it." She said hesitantly.

"Why don't you tell me what this suggestion is first?" He replied, she could hear the smile in his voice without having to look up to see it.

Taking this as a good sign she took a deep breath and continued. "He thought it might help if we named him. He said that if we named him it would be easier to grieve and move on because he would be more real and it might be easier for us to accept his absence in our lives. But if you don't think it's a good idea we don't-"

"Liv?" He interrupted.

"Yeah?" She answered.

"I think that is a very good idea." He said and she looked up at him to find a sad smile on his face, but it was a smile nonetheless. "Did you have anything mind?"

Olivia let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, "Oh...um, we'll I hadn't really thought of anything yet."

"Good, 'cause I think I've got the perfect one." He said looking down at her thoughtfully before continuing. "Levi. It was a name that I found when Kathy was pregnant with the twins, we didn't use it obviously, but it makes sense for him."

She understood without asking who the him in question was, but didn't understand why the name was perfect. "Why Levi?"

"Levi means 'to bring together' and I think that even though he's not here, he should be credited with bringing the two of us together. Without his life, however short it may have been, I'm not sure I ever would have gotten up the courage to tell you that I love you." He explained and the genuine love and consequent grief that filled his voice made her eyes grow shiny with tears.

"I think that's a great name." She whispered past the lump in her throat.

They settled into a comfortable silence, both trying to wrap their heads around what they had just done and how much more real it made their loss. A few of Olivia's tears dripped onto Elliot's chest and feeling them he rubbed her back and pulled her closer.

"You know something I don't understand?" She asked after a while.

"Hmm?"

"What was the point of me getting to feel him move inside me so early on, if I was only going to lose him the next day?" She paused, watching as his thumb stroked the back of her hand that rested on his abdomen. "I mean, I feel lucky that I did get to experience that, but I almost wish I hadn't so I wouldn't have another thing to miss. Ya know?"

"Yeah, but I've actually been thinking about that, and I have answer, but it might sound a little crazy." He said squeezing her hand lightly.

When he didn't continue she nudged his shoulder with her head, "What is it? I promise I won't think it's crazy."

"Well, I was thinking that maybe, maybe it was...it was Levi's way of saying goodbye." The name didn't seem to leave his mouth all that easily, but his guess did make sense which was what she tried to focus on most.

"That doesn't sound crazy." She replied. "It makes perfect sense, even though I wish it didn't."

"Me too." He whispered back.

They slipped once again into silence and she could tell he was beginning to doze off, but she still needed one more question answered.

"Do you think we'll ever get passed this?" She asked quietly.

He remained silent and she was just resigning to the fact that he had probably already fallen asleep when he tipped her chin up and looked into her eyes, his love for her on full display in his deep blue irises. "I promise you that we will get through this Liv, I love you too much for anything else to happen."

She kissed him deeply then, thanking him through touch for telling her exactly what she needed to hear. "I love you too."

Olivia laid her head back down on his shoulder and slowly began to drift off and for the first time in the past two weeks her dreams were not plagued with grief or a fear of never moving on, but instead centered around the man lying beneath her and how deeply she was in love with him.

**A/N : Hey all! Sorry it's been a while since I updated, but family stuff and school kind of took over my life for a little while and I had focus all my attention on that. **

**Now last chapter I got a review that asked about my reasoning for asking you all if you wanted to know the gender if the baby was just going to die anyway, which is a very reasonable question and I meant to explain in the last authors note but I forgot. I had not originally planned for the miscarriage, it was something my muse decided to throw in at the last minute, but I promise I will still use the info you guys gave me later on in the story. Hint, hint, wink, wink.**

**Alright, now lastly I realized that I also forgot to credit the song I used last chapter to the amazing artist Jay Ollero, he is awesome and I encourage you to check him out. **

**I think that's about it, so thanks for reading and I love all of your reviews!**

**-Katie**


	12. Something Wicked This Way Comes

Chapter Twelve

Something Wicked This Way Comes

October 20th, 2004

Olivia walked into the lobby of the precinct and took one look at the crowd of people around the elevators and headed towards the stairs. After a month of weekly appointments with Huang and Elliot's constant support she had decided it was time to come back to work. She'd started back that Monday, and things had gone as smoothly as could be expected. They hadn't caught a case, so the whole day all she did was follow up paperwork on cases she'd been involved with before taking temporary leave. Tuesday had been the same, and she was just coming back from her lunch break, which she had spent with Dr. Huang, and they still hadn't been called out for anything. She almost hoped for a case, one to get away from boring paperwork, and two because she genuinely missed doing her job.

They had talked about this, and a few other job-related topics at the therapy session she'd just had with Huang. Aside from missing her job, she had spoken about the handful of condolences she had gotten from her coworkers at the precinct and how she had surprisingly felt comforted by them, in other words,she didn't feel a stabbing pain in her heart when they mentioned the baby. Huang had congratulated her, because according to him this meant that she was healing, and however hard it was to believe that, she did find that she was beginning to feel a little lighter both mentally and physically in the past few days. As to her hope for a case to come in, he had explained that it was just her wanting some normalcy in her life again and she couldn't disagree with him there.

Normal still seemed just out of her grasp, but she was getting closer everyday and moving on didn't seem like a huge ordeal anymore. Elliot had been a rock for the past four weeks and she was grateful for his help and love and she hoped he wouldn't kill her for the party she had planned for him tonight in thanks. Today was his birthday and with the help of his kids and the squad she had been able to set up a party for him in secret at his favorite Italian restaurant just down the street from the precinct. As far as those invited and involved with the planning knew, the celebration was strictly because of his birthday, but in her mind it was also to thank him for being there for her when she'd needed him most.

Now that her mind was on the party she went through the list of things that still needed done for about the fourth time that day and was about halfway down the list when she rounded the corner and was stopped in her tracks. Just inside the squad room where her and Elliot's desks sat, was none other than Lieutenant Ed Tucker, who had the balls to sit at and put his feet up on, her desk. Her stomach twisted in knots, the only reason for his unannounced and unexpected arrival was that he had somehow found out about her and Elliot. No one from the precinct suspected Elliot was the father because as far as she knew anyone who had inquired about his week off had been told that he was gone because Elizabeth had come down with a terrible bug and Kathy was in upstate New York for her mother's funeral and otherwise unavailable. The latter was actually true and if one of the kids had actually come down with the flu he would've had to stay home.

Olivia took a deep breath, swallowed her fear and marched confidently into the squad room, setting her jacket and purse down on her desk calmly before turning to Tucker with a fiery glint in her eye. "What do you want?"

"I don't even get a hello?" He asked with a evil smirk.

She didn't answer, her lips set in a tight thin line. "I was wondering when you were going to get back, I didn't know Special Victims detectives got to take such long lunch breaks. How was George? I've been meaning to pay him a visit, need to ask him a few questions about you."

Her eyes widened, and her whole body tensed with anger, "You can't do that. The matter I'm seeing him for is personal, not because of the job. He won't answer any of your questions."

It was true, he couldn't answer anything anyone asked about her because she was protected by doctor-patient confidentiality since she was seeing him for something that wasn't job-related. It was one of the main reasons why she had agreed to therapy with him upon Elliot's suggestion.

"Even if it means losing his job?" Tucker asked raising an eyebrow at her. "Plus, why would you care? Do you have something to hide Detective Benson?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but clamped it shut glaring at him angrily.

"Just what I thought, now why don't we take this conversation somewhere a little more private?" He said standing up and gesturing towards the area of the unit that housed the interrogation rooms.

"You take her to interrogation, you better bet your ass we're coming too." Olivia glanced over as Fin stood up from his desk, while Munch was busy talking to someone animatedly on the phone who she could only hope was their Captain who was currently out to lunch with the Chief of D's.

"Fine, then I won't have to walk as far when it's your turn for questioning." Tucker answered icily, heading towards the interrogation rooms.

Olivia took a step in the same direction but was stopped by a hand on her arm and turned around to see Fin looking tough as always but slightly worried. "What?"

"Don't say anything in there, okay? John is talking to Cap right now and when he's finished he's gonna call Elliot." He explained quietly, glancing sideways at Tucker who was waiting impatiently across the room.

She shook her head, "Elliot's in court and isn't due back for another hour at best."

"Fine, he will leave him a message, either way you don't say anything and we'll figure out what to do when Cap gets here." He squeezed her arm as if sensing the fear that was radiating through her. "Don't worry baby girl, we got your back."

Tucker called for her not so nicely and she just nodded at Fin, hoping that they did, otherwise her and Elliot would both be out of a job.

* * *

Elliot took the stairs up to the squad room two at a time as his mind raced with the thousands of possibilities that could warrant a message from Munch telling him he needed to get down to the precinct as soon as possible. He wished the Sergeant had given him more information, for starters if this involved Olivia or not. He'd been worried sick on the cab ride over and when traffic had backed up a block and a half away from the 1-6 he had handed the cabbie a handful of money and ran the rest of the way there.

Elliot burst out of the stairwell, out of breath and decided from the odd looks he was getting that he should probably slow down. He walked calmly but quickly into the squad room and was confused to find it empty. Not wasting anytime though, he looked into the Captain's office which was also empty and was about to check the cribs when he heard voices coming from the hallway of interrogation rooms. He walked towards them, checking the observation area outside of each one until he finally found the one Fin, Munch, and Cragen were occupying.

"What's going on?" He asked, causing all of them to turn around which in turn gave him a clear view of the occupants inside the other room.

He easily recognized Tucker from his voice that was coming out of the speaker on the wall and his eyes widened as Tucker adjusted himself and he got a quick glimpse of Olivia. Her jaw was set defiantly and her lips were drawn in a thin line, but her eyes betrayed her, they were filled with worry even though he could see she was trying to mask that feeling with an air of nonchalance.

Elliot looked back at Cragen, "What the hell is going on?"

"They called me, " he said jerking his thumb towards the other two detectives, "and said that this jerk had decided to stop by and that he was taking Liv to question her about the nature of your relationship."

"Damnit." Elliot cursed turning around and pounding his fist on the opposite wall.

"Since everyone else was gone, we decided that we should hang back here in case a case came in and it was about noon when he showed up and stationed himself at Olivia's desk." Munch said pointing at Tucker.

"We jus' ignored him at first, but then he started goin' through Liv's desk so we asked him what he was doing here." Fin said sighing angrily. "Told us it was none of our business unless we had any information to share about your relationship."

"How long has she been in there?" Elliot asked, looking at her through the observation window.

"About an hour." Munch answered.

"She said anything?" Elliot questioned, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Nope, we told her not to." Fin replied.

The four settled into silence after Elliot was done asking questions and continued to observe the interrogation.

* * *

"Since you won't answer any of my questions, how about I just lay out the facts for you?" He said and Olivia still remained silent.

"There have been several days in the past few months when the two of you have both taken extended lunch breaks, a handful of people who work in this building will admit to seeing the two of you holding hands or whispering in each others ears when you think no one is watching, and the big whopper being that the week following your miscarriage Detective Stabler took off claiming a family emergency." He listed each fact in a matter-of-fact tone and it made her blood boil. "My condolences by the way, I'm sure that was not any easy situation to go through alone since you will neither admit nor deny the existence of a father."

"You have no right to assume you know what my 'situation' was like." She spat icily, not willing to let him speak about her personal life in such an offhand manner.

"Have I hit a sore spot?" He asked, a tone of half-assed concern laced in each word that left his mouth. "I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention."

Every fiber in her being screamed at her to slap the condescending smirk he flashed her right of his ugly little face, but she held back and looked away from him so the temptation wouldn't grow.

"You know, now that I think about it you probably could've saved your kid by just admitting to your relationship with Detective Stabler from the very beginning." Her head snapped up and she glared at him sharply. "That certainly got your attention."

He paused, leaning back into his chair and taking his time stretching before continuing. "If you look at the facts it makes sense. You two would have been split up, sent to different departments and you wouldn't have been stressed out from working the Eldridge case and probably wouldn't have lost the baby. So really this whole mess is your fault and-"

He was interrupted as Elliot suddenly burst into the room, his face red as a beet. "That's it, this-whatever this is- its over. Get the hell out Tucker."

The lieutenant shot up out of his seat so fast he almost knocked over his chair, "Detective you are not authorized to interrupt this, you shouldn't even be watching."

"It's a good thing I'm authorized to end it then." Cragen said, stepping into the room. "You can leave Olivia. This has gone on long enough and that last part about her baby, you crossed a huge line Lieutenant and you better believe I'll be talking to your superior about this."

Knowing she was about ten seconds away from a break down she nodded at Cragen and sent a look Elliot's way that let him know how thankful she was for his intervention.

Elliot gave her a small nod and watched her leave with Cragen in tow before turning his attention back to Tucker. "I don't know what this squad ever did to you to create this personal vendetta you seem to have with us, but whatever it was it does not give you any right to talk to her like that."

"What about you? Feeling up for a chat Stabler? She wouldn't flip on you but if you tell me everything I might just be able to save your job." He said gesturing to the table and chairs behind him.

"You are one sick bastard, you know that?" Elliot spat before turning around to leave.

"Maybe your kid and I should start a club."

Tucker had said those last words just above a whisper and Elliot barely caught them, but it was enough to get his anger flaring again and before he knew what he was doing Tucker was on the ground clutching his ribs with one hand and his face with the other and Elliot's knuckles were bloody. Elliot bent over Tucker's injured form and leaned down so he could whisper in the man's ear.

"You ever so much as think about Olivia, I, or her-" he paused, then continued because at this point he was probably already fired and it wouldn't make a difference. "Or _our_ child again and your ticket to the hospital will only be one way."

Elliot stood back up and stormed out of the room, but before he could go in search of Olivia he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder and turned around to find Munch and Fin staring at him approvingly.

"You have just done something I've wanted to do for years and I commend you for it." Munch said removing his hand from Elliot's shoulder to clap him on the back.

Elliot gave him a brief smile, "Either of you see where Liv went?"

"I think she said she would be in the cribs." Fin answered.

"Thanks. Could you tell Captain I took her home? I don't think either of us really feel like being here right now." Elliot asked.

"Sure." Fin answered.

"Thanks. See you guys tomorrow, if I still have a job." The last statement was meant as a joke but all three of them knew it was a very real possibility.

Elliot walked away from the interrogation rooms and across the squad room to the cribs and found Olivia sitting on a cot just inside the room. Her head was angled towards the floor obstructing his view of her face, so he took a seat beside her and gingerly coaxed her head upward so he could look into her eyes. Her face was a mask of surprising calm, but when he looked into her eyes they were clouded with emotion.

"Hey." He greeted quietly.

"Hey." She repeated, laying her hand over one of his that rested on her cheek.

"You okay?" He asked, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear with his other hand.

"Not really." She admitted, a tear escaping her eye and running down her cheek.

He wiped it away with his thumb, "Nothing that jerk said in there was true. None of this is or was your fault, got it?"

"I know that, I'm not stupid." She joked, a half sob, half chuckle escaping her throat. "That's not what I'm worried about."

"What is it then?" He asked confused.

"I'm afraid that if we lose our jobs this...us...we won't be able to handle it and then I will have lost everything." She whispered, her voice catching on the last word.

Elliot wrapped both arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. "Olivia no matter what happens, I will love you, I'll always love you."

"Promise?" She whispered.

"Cross my heart." He answered, knowing the cliche sometimes got her to smile and he was happy to see a small grin on her face when he pulled back. "C'mon, let's go get your stuff and then we can go home."

"Can we still go to dinner like we talked about?" Olivia inquired as they walked out of the cribs, hoping she still might be able to pull off his surprise party.

"Yeah, wouldn't want to miss my party." He said, then clamped his hand over his mouth. "Shit."

"You knew?" She asked irritated and angry that he had found out.

He sighed, running his hand over his eyes, "Well it's kind of easy to guess when you disappear into the bathroom with your phone for half an hour at least once a day."

Olivia grimaced, just now realizing how obvious she must have been. "Dang it, well you better still act surprised."

"I was planning on it." He replied as the headed to the elevators.

"If you promise to make it convincing you might just get one of your birthday presents before the party." She teased as they stepped into the empty elevator.

"I get more than one?" He asked as she pushed the button for the parking lot.

She nodded and smiled as she leaned up to whisper in his ear, "I'm wearing one of them right now."

"How long until the party?" He asked, swallowing hard.

"Couple hours." She answered, backing away from him slightly, but threading her fingers through his so she did not completely break contact with him.

"I love you so much Olivia Benson." He said, kissing the side of her head.

"Eh, I'm pretty fond of you." She teased smirking.

"Hey, it's my birthday!" He exclaimed.

"Just kidding, I love you too..." She winked at him as the elevator doors opened, "Maybe."

She exited the elevator and headed towards his car at a run, and she could hear him following close behind her. When he caught her just before she reached the car she shrieked with laughter and tried to wriggle out of his embrace. He wasn't budging and before she knew it he had turned her around and was kissing her furiously on the mouth. It was a very public display and it was easy for her to understand that he really didn't care what happened with their jobs, just as long as they had each other. She couldn't agree more and kissed him back fervently, because all joking aside she really did love him and nothing IAB or Ed Tucker could do or say would ever change that.

**A/N: Thanks for reading folks! Sorry about the late update, my life caught up with me and I had to deal with that. :) Anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the reviews and continued support!**

**-Kate**


	13. Decisions

Chapter Thirteen

Decisions

October 22nd, 2004

"Hey El?" Olivia called from the kitchen, drawing Elliot's attention away from the Sunday night football game on the television in front of him.

"Yeah?" He answered, getting up from his chair and walking into the kitchen where she was busy cooking dinner.

It was still an odd thing to see, her cooking that is, but in the time she'd spent away from the job it was one of the few hobbies she'd picked up and since she had yet to set anything on fire he was enjoying it.

"Could you run down and grab the mail? I'm still waiting for that dumb phone bill to show up so I can pay the damn thing already." She explained while stirring something in a pot that had his mouth watering just from the smell.

"Depends, what ah...what are ya making over there?" He asked, leaning his shoulder against the doorway.

She looked over her shoulder at him, grinning proudly, "Hmm, I'm not really sure, but it's one of your favorites and it will be ready by the time you get back with the mail."

He groaned, "Fine, be right back."

He heard her laugh as he left the room and chuckled himself as he was walking out of the apartment, she always did know how to get him to do something. He walked quickly down the stairs, realizing how hungry he actually was, and easily located and opened their mail box. Inside was the expected stack of bills and junk mail, but on top of the paper post was a small box addressed to him. He looked at the return address and was surprised to see his mother's name.

Elliot hadn't spoken with her in a while; she called every Christmas to talk to him and the kids, and he always got a card from her on his birthday, but never a gift. He tucked the rest of the mail under his arm and ripped the packaging tape off the small box with his other hand. He pulled the top back and his eyes immediately went wide when inside he saw the little black velvet jewelry box that had sat on his mother's dresser since he was a little boy. He knew exactly what lay hidden in the box and it suddenly made him lose his appetite.

He swallowed thickly and gently tucked the top of the box back in, exchanging it for the mail under his arm. After closing their mail slot he hurried back upstairs, knowing he'd already taken more time than was necessary to grab the mail. Olivia was putting their plates of food on the table when he walked back into the apartment and he did his best to keep the package tucked out of sight.

"See, I told you it would be ready." She smirked, reaching for the mail in his hand.

"Yep." He answered, doing his best to compose himself. "I'll be right back, gotta use the bathroom."

"Okay." She smiled, walking back into the kitchen.

Elliot hurried down the hallway and once inside their bedroom shoved the offending box in the back corner of his nightstand. He planned to look at it again after dinner and was hoping upon further inspection he would find a note from his mother with some sort of an explanation as to why she was sending this to him now. He walked into their bathroom to wash his hands so it at least sounded like he had done what he had told her and took a deep breath before walking back out to the kitchen.

Olivia had indeed fixed one of his favorites, steak and baked potatoes and as they were eating he asked her what the special occasion was.

"I know you enjoyed your birthday party on Friday, but I don't remember you eating anything because either you were talking to someone or you were too busy fuming about Tucker. So I thought I would make you a re-do birthday dinner to make up for it." She explained taking a sip of her wine.

"Thanks." He smiled appreciatively and continued to eat, but at the mention of Tucker he grew a bit angry, effectively taking his mind off the package in his nightstand.

Olivia sighed, obviously sensing his frustration and grabbed his hand, "Elliot, please don't. I know that you're angry at him just as much as I am, but at this point we can't do anything about it."

"I know." He huffed looking over at her concerned brown-eyes, "I just hate him for putting us in this position. It's Sunday and we've yet to hear anything from the Captain or Internal Affairs-"

"Which could be a good thing." She pointed out, interrupting his worried train of thought.

"Maybe." He muttered, pushing a piece of meat lazily around his plate.

"El." There was suddenly an odd tone to her voice and he looked up concerned.

"Yeah?"

"Would it be the worst thing? If we were separated I mean." She said hesitantly. "It would be different if we didn't have this, didn't have us, but we do and I honestly don't think it would be that bad. It would be an adjustment, but it would make everything easier and maybe-"

He could tell she was beginning to ramble and he squeezed her hand, "Hey, Liv?"

"Hmm?" She looked nervous and he smiled at her before he continued.

"Don't look so scared, okay?" He asked, causing her to chuckle, and then he paused for a moment. "I'm not sure that I would like being given a new partner or knowing that I wouldn't be the one to have your back, but I think you have point."

He heard her let out a sigh of relief. "We don't have to do it right away. I'm not actually too keen on the idea, I just know its probably the best thing for our careers and our relationship." She replied letting go of his hand so she could carry both of their plates into the kitchen.

He followed her with their glasses, still trying to process what they'd just agreed upon. "That's true, but that doesn't mean it won't be weird. I've grown pretty attached to my partner and I'm not sure I'll be able to give her up so easily."

"Really? What's so special about this partner of yours, might I ask?" Olivia asked smirking as she began rinsing and scrubbing their plates clean in the sink.

"Well," he began setting their glasses down on the counter before leaning against it so he could watch her face as he continued, "she is the toughest cop I've ever met. She can take any perp down, man or woman, like it was the easiest thing in the world. Sometimes she doesn't even have to use physical force, she can just get them with her cold, hard stare."

She smiled, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye, "She sounds interesting, but that can't be all."

"Oh no, I was just getting started." He grinned. "Now, even though she can be pretty tough, she also has a soft side. She can talk to victims like I've never been able to and whenever a child is involved in a case she is amazing with them. I believe that one day she will make an amazing mother, because even with everything life has dealt her I still believe that it will happen for her."

He could see a tear wind it's way out of the corner of her eye and down her cheek and he quickly brushed it away. "She always has my back and I know she always will, no matter if she is my partner in the job sense or just in life. She is beautiful on the inside and out, and her pretty brown eyes are my favorite part about her. They are so inquisitive, passionate, fiery, and loving all at once and when I look into them I am privileged to be able to see who she truly is."

Elliot pushed a piece of hair that had fallen in front of her face behind her ear, catching her attention and causing her to look at him fully as he finished. "Most of all, I am completely in love with my partner and I couldn't ever picture a day in my life that didn't have her in it."

When he was done speaking he was taken a little by surprise as she placed her hands on either side of his face and kissed him fervently. He recovered quickly from his shock and responded by kissing her hungrily and picking her up so he could carry her back to the bedroom. Their lips didn't part on the walk down the hallway but once and only for air. It was obvious to both of them that their decision made that night wasn't going to be an easy one to follow through with and making up for lost time would most likely involve the bedroom if their post-dinner-conversation activities were any inclination.

Later that night after making love not once, but twice, Elliot lay wide awake in bed as Olivia slept peacefully beside him. He studied her calm face, her soft hair, her beautiful curves, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that the words he had spoken to her earlier were definitely true. She was the light of his life and he most certainly wouldn't be able to give her up too easily, even if he did get to have her like this. As he continued to observe her, his mind wandered back to the last thing he'd said to her, about how he could no longer picture a day in his life that didn't have her in it. It was true, absolutely true, but it also made him think about the box that was sitting in the drawer of his nightstand.

He stayed in bed a few more minutes to make sure she wasn't going to wake up any time soon, and then carefully slid out from under the covers. He slipped on his boxers and t-shirt that had been previously discarded on the floor and quietly opened the drawer beside his bed. It was dark even with the light streaming in from the windows and it took him a few minutes to locate the box in the back of the drawer. He pulled it out gingerly and crept silently out of the bedroom.

Once in the living room he sat down on the couch and placed the box on the coffee table in front of him. When he opened it he was once again met with the familiar little black box and he took it out, holding it for a moment before deciding he wasn't ready to look inside it yet and set it aside. He reached back into the bigger package and was happy when his fingers met with a folded up piece of paper. He took it out, finding his name on the front written in his mother's familiar scrawl and without wasting any time he unfolded it and began to read.

_Elliot,_

_Happy birthday son. I am hoping this will get to you on your birthday, but I'm guessing it won't so I hope you had a wonderful day._

_Now I know you're probably wondering why I've sent you your Grandmother's ring, but before we get to that I've got some questions for you young man._

_When were you planning on telling me about you and your partner? I am happy for you, but as your mother I really do deserve to hear these things from you and not your daughters. The girls were over the other day to visit as you probably know, and all they could talk about was how much happier you have been since you two got together and I was embarrassed to tell them I had no idea what they were talking about. They then proceeded to tell me everything that has happened between you two in the past few months and Elliot I love my granddaughters, but when they all talk at once they can be pretty hard to understand._

Elliot laughed, knowing exactly what his mother was talking about and hoped his girls had painted the right picture about he and Olivia.

_After I got them to talk one at a time they explained everything about your relationship and one particular thing made me understand why you didn't have time to call or just forgot. Elliot, I'm very, very sorry about the baby. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to lose a child. Maureen told me that Olivia took it pretty hard, but that she is getting better now and I hope that is true._

_Now from the rest of what the girls told me, I have been able to come up with some understanding of how close the two of you are and this brings us back to the subject of the ring. I know that you were always angry with me for not giving it to you when you proposed to Kathy, but if this year's events are anything to go by I think I made the right decision in keeping it. I am giving it to you now, however, because I think you've finally found the right one Elliot. She sounds amazing and if your kids love her as much as they say they do, then I'm sure I will too._

_And, yes, that does mean I would like to meet her in the immediate future._

Elliot chuckled again, wiping away the tears that had fallen down his face when his mother had mentioned and been so sincere about the baby. He did hope she would be meeting Olivia in the near future, but with all the bad memories that had piled up from his childhood, he wasn't sure if it was such a good idea.

_I know that you are probably not to excited about that idea, but I do want you to know that I have finally given in to what you and your brothers and sisters have been nagging me about for years. I'm seeing a psychiatrist and I'm on medication. My life has really started to level out, however late in coming that is, and I would really like to try to be more involved in your life. I know the trust will not come easily and rebuilding our relationship will take some time, but I hope you will consider letting me in. I haven't spoken to your siblings yet; I was hoping, if you agreed to it, that you might be the 'tester' so they could see I was being serious about all of this and might be willing to more readily accept everything. Obviously you can say no, and I would completely understand, but I'm hoping you won't._

_Alright, I believe I have covered everything, so I'm going to wrap this letter up. I love you Elliot, and I wish the best for you and Olivia and the kids. _

_Hope to see you soon._

_Love,  
Mom_

Elliot laid the letter down on the table and rested his elbows on his knees, propping his chin on his folded hands. A plea for forgiveness and the fact that she was asking him, out of all his brothers and sisters, to be the first one to try this thing out was a little overwhelming. He wanted his mother to be in his life, he had always wanted that, but like she had said, it wasn't going to be easy.

He pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind for the time being and turned his attention toward the little black jewelry box. He picked it up and opened the lid. Seeing the ring made him think back to the first memory he had of it, which was also one of the few happy memories he had of his mother.

_"Elliot, come here I want to show you something." His mother's voice was coming from her bedroom and he followed it._

_"What Mama?" He asked once he was standing in the doorway._

_"Come here." She was sitting on the bed and she patted the spot beside her with one hand._

_Elliot walked around the bed and with some help from his mother he was able to climb up onto the bed. Once he was settled she handed him a small black box._

_"Open it." She whispered, smiling brightly at him._

_He did as he was told and opened the box and inside he saw the most beautiful ring his little five year old eyes had ever seen. "Wow."_

_His mother laughed, "Yep. Do you know what that is Ellie?"_

_He looked up at her and then down to her left hand, pointing to it he said, "It's like the ring Daddy gave you when you got married."_

_"That's right, very good." She kissed his head and took the ring out of the box, holding it out in front of him. "We call these rings engagement rings, it's the gift you give to a girl who is very special to you when you ask her if she'll marry you. This was your grandmother's engagement ring, and before she went to heaven she asked me to take it and keep it for you."_

_"Grandma Lucy?" He asked his eyes wide._

_"Yes, Grandma Lucy." She smiled. "She asked me if I could take it and keep it for you until you found the girl you wanted to marry and then you could give it to her."_

_"Really?" He asked, grinning his wide toothy grin at her._

_"Mhmm. Do you think that sounds like a good idea?" She questioned._

_"Yeah!" He answered, looking back at the shiny ring._

_His mother put it carefully back in its box and reached over to set it on her dresser. "I'm going to keep it right there for you, Elliot and when you think you've found the right girl you tell me and I'll give it to you, okay?"_

_"Okay."_

Elliot smiled, it was one of the only childhood memories he was fond of and it was an odd feeling that he was holding and looking at the very same ring. The piece of jewelry was proof that back in his grandmother's day, things had been made right. The quality of the craftsmanship of this ring had left it un-aged, even after thirty plus years of being stuck in a box. The gold band still shined like new and the blue diamond in the middle of the circle of smaller white diamonds, sparkled beautifully in the moonlight. He remembered his mother once telling him that the reason his grandmother had asked her to keep the ring for him was because the diamond was the same color blue as his eyes. He stared at the ring a while longer, but his thoughts had now shifted to the woman sleeping down the hall.

Was he ready to ask her? Did he want to dive back into this marriage thing again only a few months after his divorce? He didn't have an answer to either of those questions at the moment, but he promised himself he would figure it out soon. Regardless of his readiness he did know how he felt for her and he was planning on keeping her in his life forever, however long that may be.

**A/N: Hey all! So that was a pretty fluffy chapter, but I liked it and I hope you did too.**

**So I've decided that I am going to set a strict every two weeks update schedule because trying to get a chapter cranked out every week isn't always possible and I always feel bad when I keep you guys waiting. This way I will have more time to write and hopefully this story will progress faster.**

**Alright, well thank you all for reading, reviews are greatly appreciated!**

**Thanks,  
Katie**


	14. For Being You

Chapter Fourteen

For Being You

December 23rd, 2004

"Olivia, that sounds disgusting. How are you going to be able to eat that?" Casey asked once their waiter had walked away.

"I don't know, it sounded good." Olivia shrugged, smiling brightly at the redhead.

"Anchovies and spaghetti...I don't get it." She made a disgusted face and took a sip of her water.

Olivia rolled her eyes, "Can we just get back to preparing for the preliminary hearing?"

They spent the rest of their lunch break discussing the case and readying Olivia for the defense cross-exam. It was nothing new to her after six years on the job, but this case had hit her a little harder than the rest and they both wanted to make sure she was prepared to handle it in case the defense brought up anything personal. The suspect was pleading not guilty by reason of mental disability and the preliminary hearing was to determine if he was fit for court.

The suspect, Adam Dolton had been targeting pregnant teens who were living in group homes, with the specific intent to abort their unborn children. He had supposedly been delivering free prenatal vitamins to the homes, but the bottles he gave the willing girls only contained a very strong and harmful version of the morning after pill that had already resulted in three deaths and five more teens who had lost their babies.

The deeper she got into the case, the harder it had been for her to separate her personal life from her professional one and if they hadn't found Dolton when they did she might've snapped. She knew what it felt like to lose a child and for someone to be purposely taking advantage of unaware teenagers so they could 'save them' was disgusting. He

.had argued that he had been trying to save the girls from a life of poverty and who knows what else, but his confession had given them enough to charge him and he was looking at life; until his attorney had magically appeared. She had ordered a psych evaluation and after Huang had completed the examination of their suspect he had regrettably determined that the man was in the early stages schizophrenia.

In both Olivia, and her new partner, Nick Amaro's eyes, the man still seemed as competent as ever, but the attorney had arranged the hearing and now she was stuck preparing for the damn thing.

"I honestly don't think she knows anything about what happened to you or will have the balls to bring it up if she does." Casey said as they walked out of the restaurant an hour later.

"I'll be fine." She answered, sending a convincing smile at the attorney as they walked back to the precinct. "It's gotten easier, I don't really have that much trouble talking about it now. It's just...for someone to deliberately do that to those girls..."

Casey nodded, "I know, the guy makes me sick."

They walked in silence for a few minutes, the cold, blustery air that whipped passed them the only sound in there ears.

"So, how's your new partner?" Casey asked as they turned the corner and could now see the precinct a ways down the street.

"Nick? He's alright. I can trust him to have my back and we haven't gotten in a fight over a case yet, so that's a good sign." She paused, looking up into the cloudy sky above them. "But he's no Elliot."

Casey nodded, "How is he adjusting with his new partner in Queens?"

"About the same as I am here. It's weird for both of us, but we get to see each other after work and on the weekends, so it isn't horrible. I think we're both just glad Tucker was smart enough not to tell the truth about his injuries." Olivia answered, smirking to herself.

The Lieutenant had claimed a flight of stairs had done the damage to his face and chest so that Cragen wouldn't come through on his threat to talk to Tucker's boss and get him fired. This was good news for her and Elliot, but after some more consideration they had decided it was still best for them to separate. This way they wouldn't have to sneak around or worry about another Tucker-like incident. They had been in different precincts for almost a month and so far everything was going pretty well professionally and personally; they had even started talking about buying a house again.

"Yeah, probably the only smart thing he's ever done." Casey said, making them both laugh as they approached the front doors. "You're off for the rest of the afternoon, right?"

"Yeah." Olivia said, gesturing towards the parking lot. "I have my last appointment with Erin."

"Alright, well good luck and I guess I will see you tomorrow morning." Casey hugged her and they said goodbye before Olivia headed to her car.

As Olivia drove to the doctor's office she was hoping this last follow-up appointment would be the final piece to getting her life back to normal.

* * *

Olivia glanced at the ultrasound machine in the corner of the room thoughtfully. She knew they kept one in every exam room but for some reason she couldn't tear her eyes away from the machine. It reminded her of the topic she'd been meaning to discuss with Elliot, but out of worry about his reaction she had kept putting it off.

As of late she had started having thoughts about trying to have a baby again. She was surprised she was even thinking about having another child, but after three months the pain had slowly begun to lessen until it was only a small, occasional ache. And now that her heart longed for a child again, her only worry was how Elliot would react.

They hadn't exactly talked about their future except for when he had said that he wanted her in it, which truthfully wasn't very specific. They had only been together since August, but with everything that had happened in the past four months she felt like it had been so much longer. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him and to be able to call him her husband and hopefully the father to any children they might have. There was a knock on the door that pulled her from her thoughts and she promised herself she would talk to him about all of this tonight.

"Good afternoon Olivia." Erin greeted, walking in with her eyes trained on the open chart in her hands.

"Hello." She replied warily, concerned that after sitting down Erin still hadn't looked up from the folder. "Is there something wrong?"

Erin looked up at her with a very confused expression, "Is there something you've neglected to tell me since our follow-up in September?"

"Um, no..." She replied, getting confused herself. "I thought this was supposed to be like our follow-up, follow-up and then I would only have to come back yearly. I don't know what you think I've neglected..."

Erin stood up and pulled her stool over so she could sit in front of her, and placed a gentle hand on her knee, "Olivia, you're pregnant."

Her mouth opened to ask what she was talking about, but then she remembered the odd craving she'd had at lunch and the fact that she hadn't had a period since she had lost the baby. She had attributed the latter to stress and hadn't given it a second thought.

"By the look on your face you obviously weren't trying for another baby." Erin said, bringing Olivia's mind back to the present.

"No, we weren't." She answered, glancing down at her stomach. "How far along am I?"

Erin stood, rolling the ultrasound machine out from the corner. "I don't know yet, why don't we find out?"

Olivia laid back and pulled up her shirt, turning her head towards the machine as Erin placed the wand on her abdomen and began moving it around. When the familiar whooshing filled the room Olivia's heart leapt into her throat and she found herself tearing up. It was so mind-boggling that she had only just recently been thinking about trying to have a baby again and she had been pregnant the whole time.

"According to my measurements you are just finishing up your third month, which would put conception sometime around the third week of September." Erin said, still studying the monitor.

"That sounds right." She answered, amazed at the fact that the first time they had made love after the loss of Levi they had created another life.

Erin turned the machine so Olivia could see the screen and pointed at the little blob in the middle of it, "I know you already know this, but that little lima bean right there is your baby."

Olivia stared at the screen, completely mesmerized and shocked. She couldn't believe it, she certainly wanted to, but it seemed too good to be true.

"I-this is unbelievable." She breathed watching as the tiny figure wiggled its even smaller arms and legs.

"Well believe it." Erin said with a smile, freezing the picture on the screen before removing the transducer from her stomach.

She handed Olivia a paper towel to wipe off the goop before sitting back down on her stool which she had moved back to the corner of the room. "Have you experienced any morning sickness, fatigue, dizziness, yada yada?"

Olivia laughed, "No, definitely not any yada yada."

"Very funny, but seriously, any symptoms like you had before?" She asked.

"Nope." Olivia shook her head, realizing because of how far along she was that she had luckily dodged the morning sickness bullet this time around. "The only thing I would count is the weird food combo I had today at lunch."

"And?" Erin questioned sounding slightly intrigued.

"Anchovies and spaghetti." She answered, blushing self-consciously.

Erin smirked, "Not even on the top ten."

"Top ten?" She asked confused.

"I keep a list of the top ten most disgusting food cravings my patients have ever admitted to and yours is no where near that bad, so don't feel embarrassed." She explained with a smile.

"That's actually pretty funny." Olivia laughed lightly.

"Yeah, my husband says whenever we decide to have a baby I'll probably be number one on my own list." She said, looking back down at Olivia's chart briefly. "I know you will still have to talk to Elliot, but I am assuming since you are already moving into the second trimester that you will want to do the Quad Screen?"

Olivia nodded, "Yes. I do have a question though."

"Hmm?"

"With everything that happened...is there, I mean can I do anything to make sure I don't lose this baby?" She asked nervously, holding her hands together tightly so she wouldn't wring them out of habit.

Erin looked up at her, smiling sadly. "Honestly, no. There is nothing anyone can do to 100% prevent a miscarriage. I always suggest to try to remain as calm and stress free as possible during pregnancy, which can reduce the risk of miscarriage greatly. However every pregnancy has the risk, no matter what kind of precautions are taken. "

Olivia sighed heavily, "I just know every little thing is going to scare me and I wish that I could enjoy this instead of being worried sick the whole time."

"I know and I'm sorry, but I will do the best I can to make sure that in five months you will be holding a happy healthy baby, okay?" Erin said, smiling warmly at her as she got up.

"Okay." Olivia nodded, following her as she headed out the door to the reception desk.

While Olivia set up her next appointment Erin made copies of the ultrasound and gave them to her before she left. Olivia glanced at the clock on the dashboard of her car as she drove home and hoped Elliot was still at work. She still needed time to process and she knew if he was there she wouldn't be able to stay quiet about her news for more than a few minutes and the urge to keep this seemingly wonderful news a secret surprised her. It wasn't that she was worried about his reaction, because at this point her already being pregnant had lifted the worry of talking to him about their future and another baby. However it had also come with its own set of worries and a new and equally nerve-wracking conversation.

Upon arriving home a few minutes later she walked straight to the calendar that hung over the kitchen sink and began counting. She was already almost two weeks passed how far along she had been when she had lost Levi and it was relieving and overwhelming all at once. Making it this far in the pregnancy without any complications, especially because she had been unaware of it, was an accomplishment in itself, but she still felt like all of this was just a dream. She was happy, that much she was sure of, but to be pregnant again in such a short span of time made her feel completely overwhelmed.

Now she was wishing Elliot was here, because as much as she had originally wanted time on her own, she now wanted even more for him to be with her. He would be the level-headed one. He would tell her that this was amazing and that everything would be fine. He was the one that would help her figure out what to do with her work situation and if they would be telling people or not. How soon should they start telling people? She hadn't even thought to ask Erin, but this time everything was different and she couldn't risk losing this baby. Not again. She never wanted to go through that again.

Worry and fear took root in the pit of her stomach and she suddenly found herself on the floor, leaning against the dishwasher with her legs pulled to her chest, hyperventilating into her knees. She tried her hardest to calm down, but she felt like she was drowning in a sea of emotions that was constantly changing shape with every breath she took. Olivia had no idea how long she sat like this before Elliot finally came home from work. If it had been an hour or only a couple of minutes, she didn't know, but when he walked into the apartment calling her name it made her jump,

"Liv? I'm home." Everything was quiet after that and when he suddenly came rushing into the kitchen only seconds later she realized her breathing must have been pretty loud.

His blue eyes were clouded with fear and concern as he brushed hair out of her face and rubbed his hand up and down her arm. "Olivia, I don't know what has you wound up like this, but I need you to try and calm down, okay? Just take a few deep breaths with me."

She watched as he breathed in and out slowly, but exaggeratedly so that she would notice and she tried to do the same. His presence alone had helped to calm her down and the breathing came easily after that.

"Can you talk now?" He asked gently, removing one of her hands that had been clasping her legs together so he could hold it in his.

"I-I don't know." She whispered and when she looked into his concerned gaze she suddenly felt like crying and she had absolutely no idea why. Everything was so confusing and she hated it.

She felt herself being pulled onto his lap and wasn't surprised when she began crying into his shoulder quietly. He whispered soothing words into her ear and stroked her hair and face gently. It still surprised her that he could be so calm like this when she was a wreck, even when he had no clue what was the matter. She cried a few minutes longer, but once she felt the tears ebb away and her breathing fell into a steady rhythm with his, she decided it was time to get it over with.

"Elliot?" She whispered, hopefully loud enough to get his attention.

"What, Liv?" He replied gently, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

"I..." She paused, how was she supposed to do this? The first time she had been so blunt about the whole thing, she'd just wanted to rip the band-aid off as quickly as possible. Now she wasn't so sure how she should go about this, but the band-aid method did sound pretty appealing.

"Did something bad happen at your appointment?" He asked before she could continue.

"No, it's not bad." She answered, happy when she realized she believed these words and was slowly beginning to feel like she was no longer drowning. "Elliot, I'm pregnant."

Silence and then, "Oh."

Tears welled up in her eyes again. This response was not at all like what she had been expecting and hoping for. Where was the Elliot that was supposed to be happy? Where was the Elliot that would make her believe that another baby this soon was a good thing and that they would figure everything out together?

She removed herself from his lap and tried to walk out of the kitchen, but his hand was on her shoulder in an instant, turning her around to face him. Before she could say anything his lips were crashing against hers, his fingers tangling into her hair and of their own accord her arms wrapped around his neck and she kissed him back desperately. He broke the kiss off a little too soon for her liking, but pulled her into a tight hug quickly, resting his forehead against hers so she could see his eyes that were full of nothing but love.

"This. Is. Great." He punctuated each word purposefully. "Do you understand that?"

"I'm getting there." She answered truthfully.

"I promise you, Liv, this is a really great thing." He repeated, removing one of his hands from her hair so he could rest it on her stomach. "I also promise that nothing is going to happen to this baby, not as long as I'm around. Okay?"

"Okay." She whispered, removing her arms from around his neck so she could circle them around his waist and lay her head on his shoulder.

They stayed like this for a while before she felt her eyelids start to grow heavy and realized how much energy this had taken out of her. "I know it's barely six, but I'm-"

Before he could finish he was carrying her bridal style down the hall to their bedroom. She laughed lightly, leaning up to kiss his jaw just before he pulled the covers back with one arm and then laid her down. Without having to be asked he slid under the blankets right behind her, pulling her flush against him so they were touching head to toe.

Before sleep claimed her she said a quiet, "Thank you."

"For what?" He asked.

"For being you."

**A/N: So...three things.**

**One, now do you understand why I asked if y'all wanted to know the sex? There was a little heart ache and drama first, but I never like to end a story on a really sad note.**

**Two, so I got a Tumblr! I'm not sure if any of you have one, but if you do I would love if you would follow me. My username is kateg1516 and my SVU centered blog is called The Elliot and Olivia Show- A.K.A. Law&Order SVU. I will be posting when I update, inspirations for stories, etc. I've already got the pic for Elliot's grandmother's ring up there if you wanted to check that out. :)**

**Lastly, I stayed up until midnight so I could stick to my every two week update schedule without having to wait any longer. I'm already halfway done with the next chapter and (I'm not promising anything) if everything continues to go smoothly I might go back to updating once a week.**

**Whew! That was a long A/N! Love you guys, thanks for sticking with me!**

**-Katie**


	15. Worry

Chapter Fifteen

Worry

December 24th, 2004

When Olivia awoke early the next morning she and Elliot were still in the same position and he was snoring lightly beside her. She could tell from the moonlight streaming in through the bedroom window that it was too early for her to even think about getting up and dressed for her court appearance later that morning. However, the baby had seemed to pick up on the fact that its existence was now known and had already taken control of her bodily functions, namely her bladder. Sighing quietly she got up and went to the bathroom to relieve herself and also to change out of the work clothes she had fallen asleep in the night before. By the time all of this was finished she was wide awake and knew going back to sleep was no longer an option, so she left their room quietly and headed for the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea.

She filled a kettle with water and set in on the stove to boil and once she was satisfied that nothing was going to catch on fire she walked into the living room and stood by one of the large windows to observe the activity just outside her window. The clock in the kitchen had read 5:23 AM and even after living in New York for so long it still amazed her how many cars congested the streets at this early hour. She continued to watch the traffic and a few minutes later when snow began to fall she suddenly remembered it was Christmas Eve and that tomorrow she and Elliot would be spending their first Christmas together.

They didn't have any huge plans; gifts to each other in the morning and presents and dinner at his mother's house with the kids in the evening. She had made him promise not to make a big deal out of it and they had decided upon one present each. This way they could just focus on giving one special gift to each other instead of a bunch of small ones. Olivia honestly wasn't very concerned about the gift-giving and/or receiving aspect of the holiday this year. The only thing on her mind was the fact

that for the first time in years she wouldn't be spending it alone. She had a family in Elliot and his children and now also, she thought brushing her hand over her still flat stomach, in their own child.

Her mind was still trying to sort through the thousands of emotions that had come with this very unexpected new life. She wanted to be happy, just happy and nothing else. Past experience was preventing that however, and she was still feeling a little overwhelmed, not to mention extremely worried. She sighed, running a hand through her hair, this certainly wasn't going to be easy. It seemed nothing in her life ever was, but sometimes the hardest things turned out to be the best and she smiled at this thought because nothing could be better than a child with the man she loved.

Olivia heard the kettle whistle from the kitchen and walked back into it to make her tea. She was just placing the teabag in her mug when a pair of arms unexpectedly snaked around her waist making her nearly jump out of her skin.

She turned around to find Elliot grinning like a schoolboy and she slapped him on the chest, "You better be glad I wasn't holding that."

"I made sure you weren't." He said nonchalantly, kissing her on the forehead. "Why are you up so early? I didn't think you had court until later this morning?"

"I don't." She answered, one of her hands subconsciously moving to her abdomen. "The baby just decided I needed to pee and I was too awake to go back to sleep."

He nodded in understanding, "Speaking of, we didn't really talk about the appointment or anything last night. Aside from the surprise, how did it go?"

She slipped out from his arms and walked with her mug of tea over to the kitchen table where her purse sat. She set her drink down and began searching through her bag, getting frustrated momentarily when she couldn't find or remember where she had put the scans from the ultrasound. When she finally found them she turned back around to give them to Elliot, but her face suddenly connected with his broad chest.

"Ouch." She muttered, rubbing her nose as she looked up at him disapprovingly. "Would you quit doing that?"

He chuckled quietly and kissed her nose. "Sorry."

She rolled her eyes before handing him the photos, but all traces of annoyance were gone from her face when she watched as he looked at the pictures. His smile grew considerably wider and his eyes lit up with happiness and excitement. After a few minutes he laid them down on the table and tipped her chin up with one hand so she was looking directly into his deep blue eyes.

"Do you believe everything I told you last night?" He asked, the worry evident in his voice.

"I'm trying to." She answered honestly and saw the flash of sadness in his eyes that meant he was hoping for a different answer. "I really want to believe you El, I do. It's just...I don't want to go through that again and I feel like if I act like nothing bad is going to happen then something will."

He let out a sigh and wrapped her in his arms, and she could tell just by his body language that he was just as worried as she was. "I'm sorry Liv."

"Don't be." She whispered, kissing his neck. "It's not your fault."

"It's not yours either." He countered.

This time it was her turn to sigh. "I wish we had someone to blame. It would make things easier."

"Maybe." He agreed. "Did Erin tell you when you're due?"

She understood that he was trying to steer the conversation onto a somewhat lighter topic and she was happy to oblige. "End of May/beginning of June."

"That would mean..." He began, trailing off as the realization dawned on him.

"It was that first time." She said, tracing random patterns on his chest. "When you came home angry about that case."

"Yeah..." He said. "Wow...that's...wow..."

She laughed lightly, "That's kind of what my reaction was."

"So that means you're already past-?"

"Yes." She interrupted, knowing where he was going with that question. "But that doesn't mean anything. Erin said that no matter what we do, there's nothing that can 100% prevent another miscarriage."

"I wish there was." He said sadly, running a hand through his hair. "Did you talk about work?"

She looked up at him and shook her head, holding back a sigh. "I don't know what to do. I don't want to take any chances, but desk duty for four or five more months really doesn't sound appealing."

"I know." He answered then continued after a moment. "I'm going to suggest something, but you have to promise to listen and not get mad okay?"

She looked at him skeptically, "Okay...?"

"Have you thought about maybe taking a couple of years off from work?" He asked cautiously and before she could respond he continued. "It wouldn't be forever, but this way you could spend more time at home with the baby and wouldn't have to worry about missing anything because you're at work. I know you love your job and it might be hard, but maybe it would be good to step away from the it all for a while."

She remained silent once he was finished, trying to absorb everything he had just said. Being home with the baby would be nice, but could she really just leave? He did say it didn't have to be forever, but even a few years away from something she was passionate about seemed too long. What if she came back and couldn't hack it anymore? Plus there was always the possibility that staying home all day could drive her crazy.

"I'm not sure...Sex Crimes...it's what I'm good at. It's been my life for the past six years, I don't know if I could give it up so easily." She admitted thoughtfully.

"You don't have to decide right now. I just thought it was something you should think about." He said, giving her a small smile.

"Okay, I will." She said to him, while in her head she was telling herself that she would get around to it eventually. "What time do you have to go in?"

"Actually I don't." He said with a huge grin and she looked up at him confused.

"What do you mean? I thought you weren't off until tomorrow?" They had discussed this just yesterday morning and his Captain had given him Christmas Day through New Years off just like Cragen had for her.

"He called last night and said they'd caught a case, but that he didn't want me coming in today or last night since I would just be leaving in the middle of everything." He explained, picking up her mug from the table. "So, we are going to go relax until you have to go to court, which I will be taking you to, and then after that I am yours for the rest of the day."

When he had finished he began walking out of the kitchen with her drink in hand, "Where do you think you're going with that?"

"Back to bed." He called over his shoulder and she could easily picture the mischievous grin on his face just from the sound of his voice.

"You might as well leave that here then." She replied, trying to keep her voice light and nonchalant even as she continued to tease and taunt him from the kitchen. "I mean, if we're going back to bed I'll just have to pour it out anyway."

Elliot turned around slowly and she smiled inwardly at the look on his face. "Why would you have to do that?"

She looked around the room and sighed lightly, twirling the tie of her robe around with one hand. "There are plenty of reasons."

"Really?" He asked, walking slowly back into the kitchen to where she stood

Olivia was leaning against the counter and grinned in triumph as he set the tea down by the sink. "Yes, lots of reasons."

Elliot fingered the collar of her robe briefly before sliding his hand down her body to rest on her hip. "Think you could give me one?"

"Why don't I just show you?" She whispered huskily.

He seemed to stunned to respond so Olivia kissed his cheek and slipped out of his embrace silently. She walked slowly down the hall and untied the belt that kept her robe together, making sure she took her time letting it slip over her shoulders and then fall to the ground. As she continued to walk down the hall, she reached around with both her hands to unhook the clasp on her bra and let the black lacy material drop to the floor behind her before she walked into their bedroom. By the time she had removed her underwear he had finally caught up to her and was shutting the door to their bedroom and pulling off his boxers while she laid down on the bed.

His desire for her was evident as he came closer and she leaned up slightly so she could pull him down on top of her. Olivia slowly planted kisses up his shoulder and neck, and she could feel him doing the same to her, but something was different. She ignored it at first and began to pick things up, thrusting her pelvis at him while sucking at that certain spot where his shoulder met his neck, but the heat between them still remained muted. Slowing her touches and kisses, she tried to focus on what he was doing and suddenly realized that every touch, kiss, and caress was slow and calculated. She immediately knew what he was trying to do and gently pushed on his chest.

"What is it?" Elliot asked, eyes clouded with worry. "Do you want me to stop?"

She rested her hand on his cheek and looked deep into his blue irises. "Yes."

He began to pull away but she shook her head and pulled him back to her. "I want you to stop treating me like glass. I know why you're worried, but I don't want that to be all you can think about. I love this baby just as much as I love you, and if I feel like something is wrong I will tell you, but I'm not willing to give up being with you like this yet. I need you to stop worrying and just be here with me."

He sighed, running his hand over her hair a few times before resting it on her cheek. "Promise you'll tell me if something is wrong?"

She nodded, "Promise to stop?"

"Yes." He answered, proving it by kissing her tenderly.

When she pulled back that familiar spark of desire was in his eyes and it made her smile. "Thank you."

Their love-making picked up after that, but by the time they were finished they only had a half an hour to get ready and get Olivia to her court appearance on time. They were there with only a minute to spare and the questioning look Casey shot them did not go unnoticed by Olivia, but she simply shook her head and mouthed later.

The preliminary hearing went smoothly, but both Olivia and Nick, who had joined them behind Casey after his testimony, were displeased with the judge's decision to rule Adam Dolton incompetent for trial. They had all been prepared for this, however, and were thankful that the evidence they had collected was strong. Before Elliot and Olivia left, Casey pulled her aside, leaving the two men to talk.

"Alright, you hardly ever cut it that close to a court appearance and you and Elliot looked extra happy about something this morning." Casey said, scrutinizing Olivia. "What's going on?"

Olivia smiled and shrugged her shoulders, "Can't we just be happy?"

"Not this happy. Something must've happened between yesterday afternoon and this morning..." She trailed off but then suddenly her eyes widened. "Oh my god, did he propose?"

"What?" Olivia replied, shocked herself. "No, Casey, he didn't. If he did the ring would have been stuck in your nosey face as soon as we got here this morning."

Casey huffed, "I'm slightly insulted by that comment."

Olivia resisted the urge to roll her eyes and instead sought out Elliot's gaze. When he noticed her looking at him, she surreptitiously brushed a hand over her stomach and glanced at Casey who had gone off on a monologue about being allowed to ask questions and thankfully hadn't noticed her lack of an audience. Elliot smiled and gave her a small nod. She smiled back, thankful he had agreed with her so easily since they hadn't talked about when or how they would be telling people.

She waited until Casey had finished her miniature speech before speaking again. "You're right Case, you have every right as one of my closest friends and coworkers to ask questions about my life and even be a little nosey."

"Damn right." She said smiling triumphantly.

Olivia suppressed a laugh. "Now because you are one of my closest friends I will tell you why we were a little more happy than normal this morning."

Casey's eyes lit up, but Olivia held up a hand cautioning her. "You can't freak out though. Elliot and I haven't really gotten a chance to talk about when we will be telling his family or Nick and the rest of the guys at work. Alright?"

Casey nodded, and Olivia could tell she was doing her best to suppress whatever excitement she was feeling. "I'm pregnant."

She watched her friend's eyes light up again and she laughed when she observed the red-head bite her lip to hold back what Olivia assumed was a squeal. It was mere seconds before she was enveloped in a bone-crushing hug and she watched un-bemused as Elliot held back a laugh in order to keep Nick from turning around to see Casey's small celebration. After a few congratulations and quiet squeals of laughter Olivia was able to pry herself out of Casey's grasp and walk back over to Elliot. They made their goodbyes quick, both eager to return home to each other and their comfortable bed.

* * *

Later that night found Olivia dozing lightly against Elliot's chest after an afternoon and evening spent in bed together. They made love several times, for the past couple of hours they had spent their time talking or just laying silently together, content in each others arms.

"You know, it's almost midnight, you could just give me my present now." Elliot mused, twirling a piece of her hair around in his fingers.

"Nope, nice try." She said smiling, placing a small kiss on his bare chest.

"Oh come on Liv, you're no fun." He said and she could hear him trying to keep the whine out of his voice.

"You sound like a five year old." She laughed, raising her head up to look at him.

"Ya know, when I was a kid, my mom would always let us open one present on Christmas Eve." He continued, shifting so he had them both sitting back against the head board.

Olivia smirked. "Might I point out that you are no longer a kid, I am not your mother, and you are only getting one gift?"

He sighed, and began to pull away, surprising her when he actually got up from the bed. "Elliot?"

He slipped on his boxers and a t-shirt and headed for the door. She quickly got up, thoroughly confused, and tied her robe around herself before following him.

"You can't seriously be this upset about waiting a few more hours." She called walking down the hall, checking the guest bedroom and bathroom on her way to the living room in case he'd stopped in one of the two. "I thought we were trying to mix traditions. Your family did stuff on Christmas Eve and if my mom ever remembered we celebrated on Christmas night. We picked tomorrow morning because..."

Olivia trailed off as she stepped into the living room. Elliot was standing in the middle of the room, still looking as normal as ever, but what was out of place and made her stomach flip was the small black velvet ring box in his hand. She put a hand on her stomach, took a deep breath and tried to calm down because for all she knew there was a pair of earrings in the box and he was just trying to bribe her into giving him his present.

"Um..." She coughed, trying and failing to make her voice sound normal. "What...is that a...I mean- what are you doing?"

Elliot took a half-step toward her and extended his hand which she hesitantly took and then followed him when he lead her over to the couch. They sat down facing each other and she could tell by the serious look on his face that what she thought was in that box, could very well be in that box.

"The first day you walked into my life, I knew there was something different, something special about you. I couldn't figure out just what it was until seven years later, but when I finally did I knew I never wanted to let you go." His words were sincere and full of love and she was unsurprised to feel tears slowly trickling down her face.

He gave her an encouraging smile and gently brushed away the wetness on her cheeks. "We've only technically been together for four months, but so much has happened in that time. I feel like I've already had four years with you instead of months. And I mean that in a good way."

Olivia let out a watery chuckle and slipped her hand into the one of his that wasn't holding the jewelry box. "I know you do. I feel the same way."

"Good." He smiled, his eyes lighting up before he continued. "I was really trying to wait until tomorrow morning to do this, but I've had the ring for awhile and I couldn't wait any longer. Proposing to you on Christmas sounded so...perfect, but I don't think I realized how difficult waiting would be."

"El, it's literally two minutes until Christmas." She pointed out with a laugh, though her brain was still trying to understand what was happening. "You can't wait that long?"

"Christmas Eve's just as good." He replied with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes, "Whatever you say."

He ignored her comment and she couldn't help it when her hand came up to cover he mouth as he got down on one knee in front of her. She briefly thought how she would have to tell their son or daughter that their father had proposed on Christmas Eve in the living room in nothing but his boxers and a t-shirt because he was just too damn impatient.

He opened the box and sat it on her knee so he could then take both her hands in his. She glanced at the ring long enough to tell that it was blue, antique, and very beautiful, but her gaze didn't waver there long; he was more important.

"Alright, here goes." Elliot flashed her a nervous grin and took a deep breath, causing her to let out a light laugh. "Olivia Benson."

"Elliot Stabler." She mimicked, squeezing his hands.

"I love you, so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He paused, his eyes looking straight into hers. "Will you marry me?"

**A/N: I'm evil I know, but I'm pretty sure you all know what her answer is going to be.**

**I updated early because I had this done and my schedule for Saturday was already looking really busy and I figured an early update was better than a late one. Things seem to be going well so I might be able to post the next chapter in the coming week instead of two weeks from now.**

**Anywho, thanks for the continued support. I love reviews, you guys are amazing!**

**-Katie**


	16. Family

_Previously..._

_"Alright, here goes." Elliot flashed her a nervous grin and took a deep breath, causing her to let out a light laugh. "Olivia Benson."_

_"Elliot Stabler." She mimicked, squeezing his hands. _

_"I love you, so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He paused, his eyes looking straight into hers. "Will you marry me?"_

* * *

Chapter Sixteen

Family

There was a moment of silence and Olivia could tell he was nervously waiting for her answer. She loved him more than life itself in this moment because, in his insecurity he was baring his soul to her and she could see everything from his loves to his needs to his wants and they were all for her. It cemented her answer even more in her mind.

"Of course." As the words left her mouth she saw his whole body immediately flood with relief and it made her laugh. "Did you honestly think there was a chance I could say no?"

"I'd be a fool not to." He answered with a smile leaning in to kiss her.

She kissed him back softly, savoring sweet slow caress with which he addressed her lips. When she pulled back he was smiling like an idiot and she was sure the grin on her face matched his. She tugged on his arm gently and he got the message, moving from his kneeling position to the spot beside her on the couch.

He pulled her close and took the open box off of her knee. She readily offered up her left hand and watched as he gently glided the ring down her finger. It was a perfect fit and as she gazed at the beautiful blue diamond she knew the ring wasn't the only thing that fit perfectly.

She looked up into his eyes that so resembled the diamond on her finger and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "It's perfect, El."

He smiled brightly at her, "Good, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so."

"Where did you find it?" She asked.

"I didn't have to." He answered and she looked at him quizzically. "It was my grandmother's. She had my mother save it until I found the right woman."

"Oh, wow." Olivia said, glancing back at the ring.

"Yep." He said with a smile. "She wanted my mom to keep it for me because she always thought my eyes were almost the exact same color as the diamond."

"I agree with her." She smiled, and they settled into a comfortable silence for a few minutes until something occurred to her. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, what is it?" He replied, looking down at her.

"Why didn't you give this to Kathy?" She asked, the apprehension in her voice audible to both of them. "I mean, I'm definitely not the first serious relationship you've had with a woman. Shouldn't this have been hers?"

He was quiet for a while and when she almost couldn't take it anymore, he finally spoke. "Yes and no."

He took her left hand in his own and she leaned her head on his shoulder as she watched him study the ring. "I asked my mom for it when we found out Kathy was pregnant, but she wouldn't give it to me. She said we were getting married for all the wrong reasons and that even though I thought Kathy was 'the one', I was too young to understand what it really meant to be in love with someone."

"But you still got married?" Olivia asked when he didn't continue.

"Yeah." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "We were both scared kids, suddenly facing this huge responsibility and I guess we both thought getting married would make things easier. I love all of our kids and Kathy does too, but after everything that has happened this year, I think I finally agree with my mom."

He pulled away from her ever so slightly so he could look into her eyes. "I didn't know what it was like to really be in love with someone. I didn't know that being in love meant that every minute of every day of my life would be focused on making sure that everything I did was about making them happy. I had no clue that simply waking up in the morning to find myself laying beside the most amazing woman in the world would be the favorite part of my day for the rest of my life. I had no idea that with one look you would be able to take my breath away and make me love you even more."

By the time he had finished his impromptu speech she wasn't all that far away from bawling like a baby. "Is it your mission to make me cry as much as possible this Christmas or something?"

Elliot chuckled quietly and wiped away her tears with his thumb, "No, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, you were just telling the truth." Olivia said wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her robe. "It's just these damn hormones..."

"Are really annoying, but are also a good thing." He finished, giving her a small smile.

"Whatever you say." She said smiling back before she stood up and offered him her hand. "Come on, now it's time to see if I can make you cry."

"That doesn't sound like a very exciting invitation." He joked, but took her hand anyway.

She lead him back to the bedroom where she had been hiding his gift and pushed him towards the bed to wait while she dug for it in their closet. After half of her clothes and shoes littered the floor and several boxes had been stacked outside of the closet, she finally found it and turned around with a triumphant grin on her face.

Elliot looked like he was trying really hard not to laugh and she scowled at him, "What?"

"I didn't know you had gone to that much trouble hiding my present." He answered as she walked over to the bed.

She sat down beside him and placed the wrapped object in his lap. "I didn't want you to find it."

He gave her a brief smile and then wasted no time in ripping the carefully wrapped paper off of the gift to reveal a large, black, picture frame. The background was a collage of pictures, each from a various party or just hanging around at the squad and they all contained the couple both before and after they had become romantically involved. In the center was a larger, black and white picture of them that had been taken at Elliot's birthday. It was a candid shot, meaning neither of them had even known it had been taken, and Olivia had decided it was her favorite picture of them to date. They were walking away from the camera, hand in hand, seemingly without a care in the world. It was perfect.

Below the picture was a square of textured card stock and printed in big bold letters at the top was one word.

_Partner._

Underneath that she had added the definition.

_A person with whom one shares an intimate relationship : one member of a couple._

In the corner of the frame she had tucked a small hand written note and she smiled when he picked it up and began to read aloud.

"Partner. It's such a small word, but that's what you are. You are the other half of me. That one person who makes me feel like my arm is missing when he's gone. I couldn't do any of this without you and I would never want to. Thank you for being my partner and letting me be yours. Merry Christmas. I love you, Liv."

She looked up at him when he had finished and felt a little accomplished when there was a slight glistening in his eyes. "So?"

"I love it." He answered before kissing her softly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She said just before a loud yawn escaped her lips. "Can we go back to sleep now?"

He laughed and nodded, setting the picture on his bedside table. "Yes. Sorry for keeping you up so late."

"S'okay." She answered snuggling into him after he had laid back down. "Goodnight, Stabler."

"Goodnight...future Stabler." He whispered kissing the top of her head.

"I like the sound of that." She answered, falling asleep a few minutes later with a huge grin on her face.

* * *

"Nothing fits!" Elliot heard Olivia yell as he was coming out of the bathroom later that day.

She was standing in front of the full length mirror in the far corner of the room, next to the closet, poking her belly accusingly. Clothes were strewn on the floor around her and the part of her stomach she was poking was sticking out of a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

"Just because we figured out you were in there doesn't mean you get to suddenly start acting like a baby." She addressed the bump, the frustration evident in her voice.

Elliot laughed lightly, coming to stand behind her so he could wrap his arms around her waist and put his hands on her stomach. "I'm actually pretty sure that is exactly what the baby is allowed to do."

She huffed, "Well, that's great for the baby and all but unless you know how to sew, I am going to your mother's like this."

He turned her around so her shoulder was resting against his chest, "I thought you had kept all those maternity clothes we bought in August?"

Her eyes widened happily and she immediately abandoned him to start digging in the back of their closet. She came out seconds later with the trash bag she had stored her clothes in and a huge smile on her face.

"Have I told you how much I love you recently?" She asked before kissing him happily on the mouth.

"Not in the last..." He looked at his watch. "Thirteen hours or so."

Olivia laughed, "Well, I really, really, reaaalllllyyy love you."

He kissed her forehead, "I love you too, Liv. I'm going to wait in the living room while you finish, okay?"

"Okay." Her voice was muffled as she had already started rummaging through the bag.

Elliot shook his head in amusement as he walked out into the living room. He sat down on the couch and closed his eyes, still remotely tired from last night's activities. Though his eyes were only closed for a few seconds before a thousand memories began to fly through his head without any real reason.

The first time they made love. How beautiful she looked, how loving and vulnerable. When he came over to find her looking so nervous and scared, believing that being pregnant was one of the worst possible things that could've happened. Another visit to her apartment that had been encouraged by his daughter and had finally made things turn out the way he wanted for once. The devastation of losing a child and how consuming the grief had felt initially, but they had conquered that too. Finally, her face the night before, when he had gotten down on one knee, between the couch and the coffee table and asked her to marry him.

When he felt like he had finally absorbed all the emotions, images, and thoughts that came with each memory, he opened his eyes and was glad to find it hadn't all been a dream. He sighed happily just as Olivia walked into the room and her presence alone was enough to make him grin ear to ear.

"What're you smiling at?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

Elliot stood up, taking in her appearance. Her brown locks hung in soft waves just above her shoulders and she was absolutely stunning in a long sleeved, blue, wrap-around dress that tied together just under her chest.

"My beautiful fiancé." He answered, pulling her towards him. "Am I not allowed to do that?"

"Of course you are allowed to." She smirked, kissing his cheek. "Ready?"

"Yep." He answered, following her over to the door so they could slip their coats on and head out into the blustery afternoon.

The ride out to Long Island was relatively quiet for the holiday weekend and they made it there with a little time to spare and decided to sit in the car for a while and relax before braving the storm that was his mother and children on Christmas.

"Do you think they'll like everything?" Olivia asked nervously, glancing back at the various gift bags and wrapped boxes in the backseat.

Elliot touched her shoulder so she looked back at him. "I'm sure they will. We picked out everything together and I think my lack of knowledge on present picking and your over abundance of it balanced out pretty well."

She looked at him skeptically. "Lack of knowledge, huh? It's not like you gave me am engagement ring for Christmas or anything."

"Just wait until next year, it's only downhill from here." He joked causing them both to laugh.

"And we'll have a baby; double the chance for you to mess it up." She said with a sarcastic smile.

"Speaking of, what do you want to do?" He asked jerking his head in the direction of the house.

"You mean, about telling them?" She questioned and he nodded. "I think...I think that we shouldn't say anything unless someone asks or figures it out. I know I'm already in the second trimester, but I'm still a little nervous. I don't want to get everyone's hopes up again."

Especially my own, was left off of the end of her sentence and they both knew it.

"Okay." He said, giving her a quick kiss. "Sounds like a good plan."

"I am known to have those every now and then." She said smiling at him in an attempt to diffuse the serious tone the conversation had just turned to.

"I guess we should probably go in." He sighed unbuckling.

Olivia laughed as they both stepped out of the car. "Don't sound so excited, you might give people the wrong idea Mr. Scrooge."

"I'm not a Scrooge...I just don't exactly share the same enthusiasm for Christmas as my mother and children do." He said opening the back door on his side. "The bags just have clothes in them right?"

She nodded, "Yep."

"That's all you get to carry then." He said, quickly scooping up the four wrapped presents before she could protest.

"Elliot." She said, a little too firm for his liking.

"What?" He asked innocently as she followed him up the sidewalk with the gift bags.

"I'm not an invalid, I can pick up a box every now and then." She said, and he could feel her scowl boring into the back of his head.

"Could you get the door bell?" He asked, conveniently sidestepping her comment.

She rolled her eyes at him, but did as requested. "I know I'm not supposed to be doing any heavy lifting, but I don't think a two pound Christmas present qualifies as heavy."

Elliot smiled as his mother appeared in the window of door just in time and quickly opened it for them. "Hey, Ma."

"Goodness you two brought a lot of stuff, come on in its freezing out there." She greeted, ushering them inside and directing them towards the Christmas tree.

After they had finished unloading the presents Elliot wrapped his arm around Olivia and smiled warmly at his mother. "Mom, this is Olivia. Olivia this is my Mom."

Olivia nervously stuck her hand out and Elliot stifled a laugh as the hand was ignored and his mother engulfed her in a hug. When they pulled back his mother kept hold of Olivia's elbows.

"It's great to finally meet you." Bernie smiled.

"You too." Olivia answered, a grin on her own face.

"Now I only have two rules in this house." Bernie began and the serious look on her face made Olivia nervous. "One, we never say no to more desert and two, you call me Bernie, none of that Mrs. Stabler stuff."

Olivia laughed, relieved that she wasn't really 'laying down the law' in a manner of speaking. "Those are definitely some rules I can follow."

"Good." Bernie, patted her elbow. "Elliot, why don't you go get the kids. I think they were hanging out in the tv room downstairs."

Elliot looked at Olivia with a question in his eyes and she gave him a slight nod, letting him know she was perfectly fine on her own. "Alright, I'll be right back."

"Take your time, it's Christmas, there's no hurry." Bernie called after him as he walked down the hall and turned into the last door on the left.

She turned to Olivia. "I've still got a few things to finish for dinner, wanna come keep me company in the kitchen?"

"Absolutely." Olivia smiled, following her down the hall into the kitchen, surprised at how quickly she had taken to Elliot's mother and vice versa.

Olivia took a seat at the small eat-in kitchen table by the wall, opposite the stove, and watched as Bernie began to roll out what she assumed was a pile of pie dough. She was starting to run through a list of topics she could start a conversation with, but didn't have to as Bernie spoke first.

"So, I see my son finally decided to propose." She commented, glancing briefly at Olivia.

"Oh, yes, just last night actually." Olivia answered, looking at the ring on her left hand. "Thank you, for giving him the ring, I mean."

Bernie laughed lightly, "Well thank you for saying yes, I know he was probably nervous you wouldn't."

"Yeah, he was."

They fell into a comfortable silence, the only sound in the room being the wooden rolling pin against the dough and the slap of the dough on the counter when she turned it over every so often. Olivia was hesitant to break the calm atmosphere of the room, but there was a question that had been nagging her ever since Elliot had proposed.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" She said, trying to keep the nerves out of her voice.

Bernie sat down the rolling pin and wiped her flour-coated hands on a dish towel, "Of course, as long as I get a question in return." She answered with a smile.

Olivia nodded, gave her a small smile and took a deep breath, "Elliot told me he asked for his grandmother's ring when he wanted to propose to Kathy and you wouldn't give it to him. He said it was because you thought they were doing it for the wrong reasons and that he wasn't really in love with her. The only thing I don't understand is how could you give him the ring to propose to a woman you've never met, when you didn't give it to him when you'd already known Kathy."

"Ah, well." She crossed her arms and leaned against the counter, "First of all, I never really took to Kathy. One because she was stupid enough to let my son get her pregnant,"

Olivia laughed at that, causing Bernie to as well before she could continue. "Sorry, go on."

"Two, according to the kids, she never gave Elliot any credit for working a full time Police job to support their family and instead just complained about it the whole time." She finished, shaking her head. "Aside from not liking that it hurt Elliot, I'm rather glad that she filed for divorce."

"Now, as to why I gave him the ring without ever meeting you..." She paused, looking around momentarily before settling her gaze back on Olivia. "The way the kids, Maureen and Kathleen especially, talked about you and how much happier you had made my son, it was more than enough to know that you were someone very special. And not just to Elliot, but to them as well. And now that you're here in front of me, I'm even more sure I made the right decision."

Olivia gave her a teary-eyed smile, "Thank you. That means a lot."

"You're very welcome and now it's my turn for a question." She said, setting the circle of dough overtop an already assembled pie.

She stuck it in the oven and set the timer before walking over and setting down beside Olivia so they were facing each other. "Now, I am not asking this to sound rude or intrusive, but as soon as you walked in I noticed that motherly glow about you. Are you...?"

Olivia smiled warmly at her and answered her unfinished question. "Yes. We just found out the day before yesterday. We by no means were trying so it was a little overwhelming and definitely surprising."

Bernie patted her knee with a comforting touch only a mother could give. "Congratulations. I'm happy for the two of you and I know that you're probably nervous because of everything that happened, and I want you to know you can call me any time you just need someone talk to. Elliot can be great, but no once can give advice like a mother."

Olivia picked up Bernie's hand from her knee and squeezed it briefly. "Thank you, again."

"My pleasure." She said, with a small wink and a nod.

They both heard several pairs of feet suddenly bound up the stairs and turned their attention towards the doorway to the kitchen as first Dickie, then Lizzie, and then Kathleen and Maureen, and finally Elliot arrived in the kitchen. The kids looked pretty excited, if not wound up, and it surprised Olivia to see that even twenty-year old Maureen was practically bouncing with excitement.

"What's going on?" Olivia asked curiously, glancing at Elliot who simply shrugged.

"Oh, nothing, just that you're engaged to our Dad, that's all." Dickie said, earning a glare from all three sisters.

"Dickie." They hissed in unison.

"What? What did you have planned?" He retorted defensively.

Olivia let out a small chuckle, immediately(and accidentally) focusing everyone's attention back on her. She was instantly swarmed by the kids, receiving many congratulations and hugs, and though it was the slightest bit overwhelming she wouldn't have had it any other way. She finally felt like she was part of a family, like she belonged somewhere, and it was the best feeling in the world.

**A/N: First of all I want to apologize for the late update. I was totally planning on updating last Saturday like I had mentioned in my author's note, however my iPad thought it would be fun to delete this whole entire chapter after I had finished it last Thursday. So after two days of felling VERY angry with my iPad and finding out if I wanted to get it back I had to restore the whole thing, I finally just sucked it up and started to try and piece things back together. I am sorry for the delay and to ensure that this never happens again I will only be entrusting my chapters to a pen and paper until I am ready to type everything up.**

**Alright, now that, that's out of the way... Thank you to all of you who still continue to read and review even with my crazy and irregular updating. I really appreciate it!**

**Thanks, **

**Katie**


	17. She

Chapter Seventeen

She

January 28th, 2005

"Hey, El, it's me again." Olivia sighed and looked around the empty exam room as she spoke into the phone at her ear. "I don't know why you aren't here, this was a pretty big appointment...you know finding out the sex and all. You probably just got tied up at work or something, but it would be nice if you would call next time. I'll be by after this is over. Love you."

Olivia hit the end button and stuffed her phone back into the purse on her lap before dropping it on the floor beside the exam table. She ran one hand nervously through her hair while the other one stroked her ever growing belly. She couldn't believe he was going to miss this. It was the most important part of her pregnancy thus far, at least in her opinion, and she was suddenly doubting if she had put enough emphasis on it in the last few days.

Things _had_ been a little more hectic than normal in the past weeks.

After announcing the pregnancy a week after the engagement Elliot's children had been staying over at the apartment more and more, for no reason other than that they wanted to be closer to their father and soon to be stepmother. And even though Olivia loved spending time with his children, it was becoming apparent to both of them that a larger living space was in order and they had begun the trying task of house hunting. However, to the surprise of both of them it had only taken one meeting with their real estate agent and three open houses to find the perfect home.

It was a beautiful, two-story, colonial style house that was the perfect size and wasn't far from Queens, making it the perfect location. Elliot hadn't been as quick to come to this conclusion as she had though.

_"I think this is the one, El." Olivia said, looking around the spacious backyard._

_They'd been able to tour this house privately and their realtor was currently inside pretending to be busy so she and Elliot could have some time alone to talk about the house._

_"I'm not so sure." He had that contemplative wrinkle in the middle of his forehead and she almost rolled her eyes when he crossed one arm over his chest and propped his chin on the other._

_"Why not?" She questioned, holding up her hand as she began to tick off the appealing aspects of the house. "There's enough room for the baby, the twins, and Kathleen to have their own rooms...although Kathleen will have to share whenever Maureen comes home from college, but that's not that big of a deal. It's only a twenty minute drive into Queens. It puts us closer to your mother. And, would you just look at this yard? Come on Elliot, what's not to love?"_

_He sighed and scratched his head, "Maybe you're right, but there's just one thing."_

_"Hmm?" She asked, snaking an arm behind his back and leaning her head against his shoulder._

_"It's a pretty long commute into Manhattan." Elliot explained, looking down at her._

_"You're right." She agreed, ignoring the unspoken question in his statement._

_"You'd be okay driving almost an hour into work everyday?" He questioned, his gaze very skeptical._

_Olivia shook her head, "No, not exactly."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_She shrugged, trying to figure out a way to explain and smiled when she suddenly got an idea. "Come here for a second."_

_She tugged on his arm, pulled him into the middle of the yard, and turned them both around so they were facing the house._

_"I never dreamed in a million years that I would want to live this far from the city. That I would fall in love with a big house like this, that had a huge backyard and enough room for five kids." She glanced at him and it was obvious he was still confused so she turned to him and made sure his gaze was focused directly on hers. "What I'm trying to say is that I never thought I would want to do anything but be a cop and live in the city my whole life. Sure I wanted a family, but I never pictured myself living this far away from everything I've ever known."_

_Olivia paused and was happy to find when she looked into his eyes he seemed to be catching on. "But now I can, Elliot."_

_A grin broke out on his face as he finally put everything together. "You've decided to take time off from SVU."_

_"Yes." She confirmed with a smirk. "Nice detective work, Stabler."_

_He chuckled lightly and pulled her to him so that the only thing between them was her small baby bump. "I agree with you about the house, it's great, but you have to promise me that you're doing this because its what you want."_

_She placed a hand on the side of his face and gently pulled him down for a kiss. "I promise."_

They made an offer on the house that day and it was accepted within the week. The house had been on the market for a while so the owners were quick to make everything go through as fast as possible and they would be moving into the house next week. Which was great, but also meant that any spare time they had at home was focused on the move which left little time for them to talk about anything else. Like this appointment for example.

She was sure he had sounded just as excited as she was when they had talked about it the night before. And even if she had misjudged the importance of this appointment to him she knew it wasn't like him to blow it off for no reason. He had probably caught a big case a work this morning and in all the chaos the appointment had slipped his mind. It wasn't that hard to believe, was it?

Olivia didn't like the feeling she got in the pit of her stomach as she continued to try and convince herself that everything was alright. Thankfully Erin chose that moment to arrive and Olivia's mind became otherwise occupied.

"Good morning, Olivia." She greeted with a smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." She answered, smiling back.

"Good. I'll just take some measurements of your stomach and then we can get to the fun part." Erin said, moving over to the exam table and motioning for Olivia to lay back. "Did you and Elliot decide if you wanted to know the sex?"

Olivia nodded as Erin quickly measured her stomach lengthwise and widthwise and then moved over to the ultrasound machine. "We want to know."

"Where _is_ that fiancé of yours by the way?" She asked while she squirted cold gel on Olivia's abdomen.

"Work." She replied quietly, hoping Erin didn't pick up on the hint of doubt in her voice.

"Well, his loss then." She joked, placing the wand on Olivia's stomach. "Alright little one, where are you..."

Olivia turned her attention to the screen and all worries about Elliot fled her mind as their child came into view. After everything she'd been through in the past year she cherished every single moment she was able to see their baby like this and have its heartbeat be the only thing that filled her ears. She let out a small laugh when the baby moved its hand so it looked like it was waving at her.

"Looks like she's not too camera shy." Erin joked.

Olivia nodded still looking at the screen, but when her doctor's words finally sunk in her eyes flew up to meet Erin's. "She?"

Erin smiled and nodded. "Yep. Congratulations, Olivia."

"Wow." She breathed, looking back at the screen.

Only minutes ago she had been referring to her daughter as an 'it', but already she could picture a little baby girl with big blue eyes and a grin that was just like Elliot's. It was amazing how much had changed in only a few moments, even if it was only in her mind. She couldn't wait to tell Elliot.

Thankfully it appeared Erin could tell that Olivia was anxious to get going and she finished up taking measurements of the baby fairly quick.

"I'll write everything down while you get cleaned up and then we can get you pictures and scheduled for your next appointment." Erin said handing her a handful of towels.

"Thank you." Olivia took them and quickly wiped off before standing up and grabbing her purse off of the floor.

They walked down the hall to the front desk and Olivia set up her next appointment while Erin printed up pictures from the ultrasound. When she came back and handed them to her, Olivia smiled in surprise at the first one on top of the small stack. It was when the baby had been waving, but on top of her head was a little pink bow and beside her hand were the words, "Hi Daddy!"

"How did you do that?" She asked.

Erin just smiled in response. "It's a secret."

"Sure it is." Olivia said sarcastically. "Thank you though, it saves me time trying to come up with some plan on how to tell him."

"You're welcome." She grinned, and gave Olivia's arm a squeeze. "I'll see you next month."

"See ya." Olivia replied, walking back out to the waiting room to retrieve her coat from the rack by the door.

She bundled up and carefully slipped the pictures into the pocket of her coat before she walked out of the building. The winter winds seemed to have died down a bit and it looked like the sun might finally be making its first appearance of the week. It was still pretty cold out so she hurried over to her car and once inside wasted no time in starting up the car to get it warmed up. She threw her purse into the seat beside her and was about to pull out of her spot when her phone started to ring.

She put the car back into park and grabbed the phone out of her bag. "Hello?"

"Olivia?" She recognized the voice as Detective William Hudson, Elliot's new partner.

"Hey, Will. What's up?" She asked.

"It's Elliot." The tone of his voice made her stomach drop to her feet.

"Wh-what do you mean?" She swallowed thickly and fought against the tears she could feel forming behind her eyes.

"He's been-" she shook her head, praying to god the next word wasn't... "shot."

She pulled the phone away from her ear and let out a sob that she quickly muffled with her hand. This couldn't be happening. She took a few deep breaths to help her calm down before putting the phone back up so she could speak.

"Where is he?" She asked, her voice just above a whisper.

"Mount Sinai, near Astoria." He answered. "Are you okay, Olivia?"

"Astoria? What was he doing all the way out there?" She asked, ignoring his question.

"Part of the case, but that doesn't matter right now. Olivia, are you alright?" He repeated, the concern heavy in his voice.

"I'm fine." She lied. "I'm on the Upper East Side, I'll be there in twenty."

"Olivia..."

She hung up the phone before he could finish and dropped it on the seat beside her. She leaned her head against the steering wheel and took a few shaky breaths as the tears she had been willing away began to trickle down her cheeks. Her concerns about him missing the appointment seemed so futile now. He could be seriously hurt, maybe even...

She stopped herself from completing that thought. This was Elliot she was talking about; Mr. Indestructible. Whatever it was couldn't be life threatening. Not now, not when things were finally going well for them. She wouldn't, no she couldn't let this happen.

Olivia sat up and wiped away her tears. After checking that her mascara hadn't run down her face, she pulled out of her spot and left the parking lot, pointing her car towards Long Island. Her mind thankfully went on autopilot when it came to getting her to the hospital and she was there in no time at all.

She was directed up to ICU by a nurse at the front desk and when she stepped out of the elevator a few minutes later she was actually glad to see that Will and Elliot's captain were the only two in the waiting room. Will noticed her almost immediately and hurried over to her.

"Hey, Olivia." He greeted.

"How is he?" She asked, skipping the pleasantries.

"Still in surgery, they gave us an update just a few minutes ago and said he should be done within the next half hour." He answered as they walked over to the waiting area.

Will gestured to two chairs for them to sit in and she only half-listened for the next twenty minutes as he and Elliot's captain explained what had happened to land Elliot in the hospital. She only focused her sole attention on them long enough to find out that Elliot had been shot in the shoulder and that it was because of some type of hostage situation in an abandoned apartment building a few blocks away. After hearing that the wound wasn't fatal she was able to relax a little and no longer paid as close attention to the conversation after that, until something Will said made her ears perk up.

"I told him it was a stupid idea." Will grumbled shaking his head.

"What was a stupid idea?" She asked, hoping they wouldn't be offended that she had tuned them out.

"We got to the building before SWAT or any other kind of back up did." The younger man sighed and ran a hand through his dirty blonde hair. "I told him we should wait, that we didn't know what kind of weapons the guy had on him or if it was just the one guy, but-"

"-he went in anyway." She finished, hurt and anger suddenly building up within her at his stupid and possibly life-threatening decision.

"Yeah, how...?" He asked, sounding surprised.

Olivia just shrugged, "I was his partner for five years; I know him better than anyone."

"Oh, right." He nodded, seeming embarrassed for forgetting.

Olivia opened up her mouth to speak again but was stopped as a doctor walked into the waiting room and headed their direction.

"Are you all here for Elliot Stabler?" He asked.

They all three nodded and Olivia spoke first, "Is he okay?"

"Yes, the bullet went clean through and didn't get close to anything major." He answered with a small smile. "He's been in his room for about fifteen minutes, but we wanted to make sure he would remain stable before giving you all another update."

Olivia let out a sigh of relief and looked at the doctor hopefully. "Can I see him?"

"Of course." He answered and led her out of the waiting room and down the hall he had come from.

"You said he's been in his room a while, is he awake yet?" She asked.

"Yes actually." He glanced over at her with a smirk on his face, " He woke up just before I came to update you and the first word out of his mouth was 'Olivia'. I'm assuming that's you?"

She couldn't help the blush the crept onto her face, "Yeah, the one and only."

He chuckled as they came to a stop on in front of a door on their right. "I'm sure he'll be glad to see you then."

"Maybe at first, " she said crossing her arms over her chest, "but I'm not sure he'll be too fond of me once I give him a piece of my mind about getting himself shot."

He laughed again, "I would tell you not to be too hard on him, but I've learned from my wife not to argue with pregnant women."

"Smart woman." Olivia commented with a smile.

"I'll leave you to it then." He nodded with a grin, walking back in the direction they had come from.

Olivia took a deep breath and slowly opened the door and was washed over with relief when she was finally able to see for herself that he was alright. She closed the door behind her and it was obvious the sound had caught his attention when he immediately looked over at her.

"Liv." He said softly, his eyes following her as she walked closer to his bed.

She avoided his gaze as she slipped off her coat and sat both it and her purse on a chair next to his bed. When she finally met his gaze his blue eyes were filled with concern and it almost deterred her from her plan, but then she caught sight of his bandaged shoulder and it was enough to put her back on course.

"How the hell could you be so stupid?" She questioned, her eyes hard with hurt and anger.

"Liv, I'm-"

"No." She cut him off. "I'm not even close to being done."

He closed his mouth at the harshness of her words and when she felt satisfied he wouldn't interrupt her again she continued.

"I know that this is part of the job. I probably understand better than any other cop's wife ever will, but that doesn't mean I'm ever going to be okay with you putting your life in danger when it's unnecessary." She paused briefly and began to pace between his bed and the chair. "Will said you didn't want to wait for back up and I know that when we were partners there were several times when we did the same thing...but things are different now, Elliot."

She stopped her pacing so she could look him in the eye. "I love you. I love you more than I thought it was possible to ever love someone. You know that whole other half crap that people are always talking about? Well, you're mine now and I want you to be for the rest of my life, but that won't happen if you keep doing stupid stuff like this."

Olivia paused again and this time Elliot held his hand out to her silently and suddenly her need to be near him trumped everything else. She took his hand and after he carefully scooted over on the bed, he pulled her down beside him so they were laying face to face. She buried her face in his neck almost immediately and wasn't surprised when she felt tears begin to stream down her face.

"Pr-promise me that y-you'll stop?" She asked a few minutes later, her voice muffled by his neck.

He kissed her shoulder and smoothed his hand down her hair. "I promise, Olivia. I'm so sorry I made you feel like this."

"Da-damn right you're s-sorry." She hiccuped, annoyed that the serious tone she tried to convey wasn't at all convincing.

Elliot chuckled and the familiar low rumble in his chest was calming. "Does that mean you forgive me?"

"You might want to get back to me on that." She answered glad that her voice had finally evened out and the crying had all but stopped.

Now that she had calmed down Olivia was aware of just exactly how much energy she had used up yelling at her fiancé and she settled in for a much needed nap. She was on the cusp of sleep when Elliot suddenly spoke and she pulled away from him slightly annoyed.

"What?" She groused, his voice had been muffled and she had missed what he had said.

"I said, I think I felt the baby." He answered, his eyes dancing with excitement.

Olivia looked up at him skeptically because she had just met the five month mark a few days ago which was also the beginning of the time frame when the baby's movement could be felt from the outside. Even though this would be his fifth child she suspected this was just wishful thinking on his part.

"Really?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at him. "Where exactly?"

Elliot put his hand on the front of her stomach just above her belly button. "There."

She remained quiet for a few seconds waiting for something to happen and was pleasantly surprised when she felt a kick in the exact spot Elliot had his hand on. "Hmmm, I guess you're right."

"Seriously?" He questioned, a huge grin on his face.

"Yeah, I guess she must have realized how angry I was with you and wanted to give you a good kick to the gut for me." Olivia joked, resting her hand over Elliot's.

"Yeah, I guess she did." He laughed, but stopped suddenly and looked down at her. "Wait, she? You mean...?"

"Mhmm." Olivia smiled. "Found out this morning."

"That's right, the appointment was this morning." He sighed angrily, his gaze apologetic. "I'm sorry I missed it, I know how important it was to you."

"Don't worry about it." She soothed, kissing him softly, "But there is something you could do to make it up to me."

"What?"

"Let me sleep." She replied, snuggling into his uninjured side.

He chuckled lightly and kissed the top of her head. "Deal."

"Love you." She whispered sleepily, smiling when the baby kicked against their hands. "She loves you too."

Olivia was almost asleep when he replied, but was glad when she heard his next words. "Good, cause the feeling is definitely mutual, for both of you. I love you, Liv."

A/N: Hey guys! Long time, no see, right? I do apologize for the very, very, late update. Finals just got the best of me and then for some reason I got into a writing slump. But I'm back now and hopefully since its summer, my posting schedule will be more frequent.

Thanks again to everyone who still continues to read and review!

-Katie


	18. Foreign Furniture

Chapter Eighteen

Foreign Furniture

March 4th, 2005

"Are you sure you don't want me to help?" Olivia asked, leaning against the door to the nursery.

The baby furniture had been delivered and carried up to the nursery about an hour ago and she had just come up to check on how things were going and saw in amusement that so far Elliot had only accomplished the unpacking of the various parts and pieces to the crib and change table. The only furniture that had come assembled was the rocking chair and the dresser and if the look of frustration on his face was any indication, it was that he was kicking himself for not paying just a little extra to have the people from the store put the furniture together.

He looked up at her briefly before shaking his head. "No, I'm fine."

She raised an eyebrow at him, which of course he couldn't see because he was back to staring intently at the directions in his hand. "Alright, well I'll be downstairs if you change your mind."

He waved his hand in acknowledgement before picking up two pieces and fixing them with a hard stare. Olivia rolled her eyes and made her way back downstairs to the kitchen table where a small stack of baby shower invitations still waited to be addressed. She picked one up, smiling at the picture to the left of the information about the shower. Her exposed belly filled the small square with her and Elliot's intertwined hands resting under it. The photographer had used pink face-paint to write the following on her stomach; Baby Girl Stabler. Coming to a hospital near you, May 26th 2005. Whenever she read it out loud it made her laugh because it sounded like they were announcing the arrival of a new movie instead of a baby.

Olivia continued the easy, but somewhat monotonous process of sticking cards into envelopes and labeling them accordingly for the next twenty minutes until the peace and quiet of their big house was disrupted. A loud noise from upstairs caught her attention and she wasn't surprised when it was followed by loud a string of curses from Elliot. She sighed and got up from the table, heading in the direction of the staircase. It took her a good minute and a half to waddle up the two sets of stairs and she was dreading what the climb would be like as her stomach continued to expand over the next three months. When she finally reached the second floor landing she started walking down the hall to the nursery, the last room on the left, and the closer she got the more she could both hear and feel Elliot's frustration growing.

"What the hell does part C have to do with that?" Elliot muttered angrily as Olivia poked her head in the room.

Looking around she saw that he had abandoned the assembly of the crib, whose two sides were laying side by side on the carpet meaning the noise she had heard would most likely have been him dropping the pieces on the floor. She looked over at her fiancé whose attention was focused on a long piece of maple-colored wood that belonged to the change table and smiled sadly at the angry frown on his face.

Olivia took a few cautious steps into the room and when he still didn't realize her presence she walked up to him and placed a comforting hand on his forearm. "El?"

"What?" He snapped, not looking at her.

She bit back the impulse to respond with an equally angry reply and instead moved her hand to his face, simultaneously getting his attention and snapping him out of his angry stupor. "There you are."

His blue eyes gazed apologetically at her. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She soothed, kissing his cheek. "But I would like to know why you're getting so frustrated with this."

He sighed, looking down at his hands and shaking his head. "It's stupid."

"Hey," he looked back up at her, "I promise it won't be stupid, not to me."

He closed his eyes briefly and gave a small shake of his head, but still kept eye contact with her "I think I was trying to prove to myself that I could handle this."

Her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, "Handle what?"

Elliot laid his hand on her stomach, "This."

"Oh." Olivia still held his gaze which had now taken on a somewhat guilty look, confusing her further. "I still don't understand, Elliot. Are you nervous? I mean, I know I am so I would understand if that's why, but I don't feel like that's what you meant."

"I'm not nervous." He confirmed before letting out another sigh. "Well, not exactly."

"Then what is it?" She questioned, laying her hand over his.

"It's been twelve years since I've had to take care of a baby and when I was trying to put the crib together everything seemed so foreign to me. It made me realize that maybe I'm not cut out for this anymore." He explained, looking away from her when he had finished.

"Elliot...Elliot Stabler, look at me." He turned back to her and it hurt her to see him so insecure of himself, but she pushed past the feeling and continued to speak. "So maybe everything is different than when the Lizzie and Dickie were born, but I promise you we can handle this. I mean, if anyone can take care of a new baby it's the woman who never has and the man who has already had four."

That got him to laugh, "We are kind of an odd pair when you put it like that."

She smiled at him and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "Yes, but I think we'll be just fine."

Their daughter decided to give her input by kicking in the exact spot where their hands rested, causing them both to laugh.

"It looks like she agrees with me." Olivia said looking down at her stomach then back up at him. "Now, why don't we try this again."

"What do you mean?" Elliot asked as she walked back over to the door and turned around to face him.

She held up her index finger and leaned against the doorframe before repeating her question from earlier. "Are you sure you don't want me to help?"

Elliot smiled before walking over and gently grabbing her arm to pull her into the room. "I would love some help."

"Good." She smirked, giving him a quick peck on the lips as they walked over to the pile of parts that was meant to be the crib. "Why don't you hand me those instructions and I can figure out where you went wrong..."

The next two hours were spent with Olivia deciphering the instructions while Elliot did the assembling of the crib and change table. The old adage of 'Two heads are better than one.', proved to be true and they now stood back looking proudly at their work.

"See, that wasn't that bad." Olivia commented as she walked over to the dresser where the bag of bedding for the crib sat.

Elliot wiped a hand over his sweaty forehead and shot her a skeptical look. "Says the woman who sat in a rocking chair and told me what to do for last two hours."

She opened her mouth to retort, but was interrupted by the ringing of the house phone and wasn't surprised when Elliot quickly left the room to answer it. Rolling her eyes, she took the yellow, fitted bed sheet out of its package and started putting it on. When all four corners were secured onto the small mattress she smoothed her hand over the smooth material, smiling faintly at the red ladybugs that dotted the yellow fabric. She started securing the similarly patterned bumper to the sides of the crib and when she was finished she was extremely happy with their decision to go with a neutral color for the bedding and walls instead of the traditional pink. Olivia had never really been a pink girl herself and the idea of surrounding her infant daughter with the color hadn't been appealing and thankfully Elliot had agreed.

Olivia was just draping the matching blanket over one of the taller sides of the crib when Elliot walked back in, the phone pressed against his chest. "You have a call."

"Who is it?" She asked as he handed her the phone, a suspicious smile on his face.

"Um-"

"Olivia Benson!" Olivia looked down at the phone in her hand as the voice of Casey Novak rang clearly through the receiver.

Olivia let out a quiet sigh and shot Elliot a very unamused look as she put the phone to her ear. "Hello, Casey, what's up?"

"What's up?" She asked incredulously. "What's up is that you said I could be in charge of planning your baby shower, but I've yet to even receive an invitation to the damn thing."

Olivia rubbed a hand over her eyes. "I am going to take them to the post office this afternoon, I told you that when you called yesterday."

"I know," She huffed and Olivia held back a laugh when she continued in a whine, "but I want to know what the baby is now. It's not fair, I'm your best friend, I shouldn't have to wait until Monday to find out."

"Let me remind you that it was your idea to announce the gender using the invitations for the shower." She replied, smiling at Elliot who was laughing quietly at her response. "Plus, just because I put them in the mail today, doesn't mean they'll get delivered Monday. You've gotta account for the fact that there isn't mail on Sunday."

"Is it your mission in life to torture me?" Casey groaned. "You know, Elliot knows, heck even his kids know, but me, your best friend in the whole world can't even know if you're having a boy or a girl. It's completely unfair."

"Okay, firstly you're starting to sound like a teenager and I hate to have to break this to you Case, but life just isn't fair sometimes." Olivia said, unable to hold back a laugh. "Also, Kathleen, wanted me to tell you that you can text her, Maureen, and the twins as much as you want, but they still aren't going to tell you."

"Now hold on a minute-"

Olivia pulled the phone away from her ear and held it against her chest to quiet the rant she knew was coming. "As my fiancé it is your job to tell her I'm not here when she calls and sounds like that."

He sauntered over to her, smirking as he wrapped his arms around her. "Really? I had no idea."

"Whatever." She smiled, resting her head against his shoulder.

"Did she really try getting it out of the kids?" He asked just as a loud, but muffled sigh came from the phone.

"Mhmm." She confirmed pulling back so she could look at him. "I'm almost positive she got their numbers out of my phone when everybody was over helping us move in."

"So she's been bugging them for a month?" He asked with a laugh.

"Yeah, pretty much." She replied, laughing as well, but sobered quickly. "Oh god."

"What is it?" He questioned his eyes immediately full of concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you." She apologized, feeling guilty for having upset him.

He gave her a confused look, "Then why did you say that?"

She sighed heavily and leaned her head against his chest. "I just realized that if she's freaking out this much over the baby and the shower, think about what it's going to be like when we get married."

He chuckled and the deep rumbling in his chest soothed her. "At least we have a while to prepare for that since you told her you wanted to wait until the baby was a few months old."

"True." She sighed, smiling when he ran a hand over her hair.

"You know, we could always just elope."

She shook her head and looked up at him surprised. "What about your kids? Your mom?"

"We could take them with us." He answered easily.

She laughed, "Elliot, if we took them with us that would be planning and therefore we would no longer be eloping."

"Oh." He said, looking somewhat defeated.

She raised an eyebrow at him in scrutiny. "Why the sudden interest in all of this?"

He shrugged and added nonchalantly, "No reason."

"Okay, I'll let it go, but I can tell you're hiding something." She said, giving him a hard stare before holding up the phone so they could both hear Casey and her never-ending rant. "Now, how do we get her to stop?"

He held his hand out and she placed the phone in it. "I've got an idea."

Elliot put the phone up to his ear and smiled at her before saying, "Casey?"

"What?" Olivia was close enough to hear her response and smiled at her frustrated tone.

"I'm going to tell you something, but you can't tell anyone else." Olivia immediately caught onto what he was doing and tried to stop him but she was too late. "It's a girl."

He hung up before Casey could answer and Olivia's mouth fell open, half in a amusement and half in shock. "I can't believe you just did that!"

He shrugged a shoulder, but she could see the mischievous grin playing at the corners of his mouth. On one hand Olivia was frustrated that they'd gotten so close to making Casey wait find out when everybody else did just to have Elliot blurt it out over the phone. However she also felt extremely happy that she would no longer be bugging her about the baby.

Olivia leaned up and kissed his jaw, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Marry me." He said kissing her cheek.

"Love me." A kiss to her other cheek.

"Have a baby with me." Neck.

"Maybe have another baby with me someday." Other side of her neck.

He brought his head back up to look into her eyes and before he could say another word she covered his mouth with hers and kissed him fiercely. She didn't know how he did it, but lately he'd been taking normal, completely meaningless moments and turning them into something serious and passionate. Her arms snaked around his neck and when they had to break for air she began peppering his jawline, all the way down to his collarbone with soft, slow kisses.

Before she completely registered what was happening he was picking her up and carrying her down the hall to their bedroom. He shut the door with his foot before walking over to the bed and laying her down gently. He pulled his clothes off before joining her on the bed and helping to remove her own clothing. As he was leaning down to reach behind her and unclasp her bra she kissed the scar on his right shoulder that after a month was the only small reminder of his injury.

He pulled back suddenly, giving her a curious look. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" She asked, equally confused.

"Ever since I got shot, whenever we do this, you kiss my scar. Why?" He replied, his tone wasn't accusatory just simply interested.

"Oh, well I guess...I guess in my mind its like I'm trying to heal it." She looked away self-consciously. "I know that sounds stupid but-"

"No, it's not stupid." He interrupted. "Not to me."

His reply reminded her of what she'd said to him mere hours ago and she smiled. "Really?"

"Really." He replied, smiling back.

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?" She asked, gently pulling him down by his shoulders so their faces were almost touching.

He smirked, shaking his head, "No, but I'm sure you'll be able to show me."

Olivia smiled back and kissed him hard, but quick. "Oh you can count on that, Stabler."


	19. The Letter

Chapter Nineteen

The Letter

April 17th, 2005

Olivia looked down at the shopping basket in her arms and then back up at the bag of potato chips on the top shelf in front of her. The red basket was already laden with brownies, salsa, pickles, deli meat, and marshmallow fluff and she highly doubted she would be able to fit anything else into it. But the chips looked so damn good.

She'd been in the middle of folding laundry when a craving for pickles and peanut butter had distracted her and then deterred her task even further when she had discovered they were out of pickles. At first she had been more than willing to ignore it and try to find something else to eat, but her stomach wasn't having it and so she had scribbled a quick note about where she had gone and left in search of the pickled vegetable. However, as it mostly did, her list of cravings had grown on the five-minute drive to the market which explained the current items in her basket and her desire for the one on the shelf in front if her.

Olivia set the shopping basket down on the floor beside her and started to reach for the chips only to find that her stomach was blocking her way. Frustrated she turned sideways and reached up again, but when one of her feet left the ground causing her to lose her balance and almost fall into the shelf she reluctantly decided she would just have to settle for the tortilla chips that were within reach.

She sighed and picked up the basket at her feet and was about to grab the less desirable bag of chips when she felt a hand on her arm.

"Here, let me help you." A blonde woman had appeared at her elbow and was now reaching up to grab the bag of potato chips.

Olivia smiled at her kindness, "Thank you."

"It's no-" She turned around, stopping mid sentence with the bag of chips in her outstretched hand. "Oh, Olivia. I'm sorry, I didn't even realize it was you."

"Kathy, hi..." Olivia replied, embarrassed that she hadn't recognized her sooner.

"You look great. How have you been?" Kathy asked politely.

"Thanks. I've been pretty good, you?" She smiled.

"Fine."

An awkward silence settled between them and Olivia bit her lip, searching desperately to for something to say.

Despite their now entangled lives, Olivia hadn't actually spoken with or seen Elliot's ex-wife in a considerable amount of time. Sure she had dropped the kids off at her house a few times, but she'd never actually had to go in and there had yet to be another opportunity for social interaction between the two.

"Kathy-"

"Olivia-"

They laughed lightly and Kathy nodded at her, "You go first."

Olivia sighed and nervously ran a hand through her hair. "I know we haven't really gotten a chance to talk since all this...since Elliot and I started...what I'm trying to say is that I want you to know that nothing ever happened between us when you were still together and-"

"Olivia." Kathy interrupted, putting a gentle hand on her arm. "It's okay, I know you and Elliot would never do that. Even though it may not have seemed like it, I have always trusted you...I just may have been a little jealous is all."

"What?" She uttered, completely taken aback.

"Oh, of course." Kathy nodded, casually placing the forgotten bag of chips in Olivia's basket.

"Why...why would you be jealous of me?" She asked incredulously.

To hear that the woman who she had always been jealous of, had been jealous of her at the same time was not something that was at all easy to comprehend.

"Well, for one you were and still are stunning."

Olivia blushed furiously at her words and shook her head modestly. "Please, I must look-"

"You're glowing." Kathy said, giving her a warm smile. "I know it's a stereotypical thing to say, but you really do have the glow."

Olivia didn't know what to say and thankfully didn't have to when Kathy continued.

"I also envied you because, I got to see my husband for about four or five hours a day, and that's when things weren't busy or you hadn't caught a case. But you, you got to see him and talk to him and just be around him all the time." She admitted, a sad smile on her face. "I think I would've given anything to be able to spend as much time with him as you did."

Olivia didn't know what to say. In her mind SHE had always been the jealous woman in this odd triangle dynamic that the three of them had shared.

Kathy checked her watch, as if she had forgotten something and looked back up at her with a pleasant smile. "I've got to run. I'm supposed to be meeting someone soon, but it was really nice to see you, Olivia."

"You too." She replied and with a squeeze of her arm and a small wave Kathy was gone.

Olivia stood there for a while, a bit dumbstruck about what had just happened. Eventually her stomach growled reminding her of the reason she had come here in the first place and she made her way to the checkout.

On the short drive home her mind wandered back to what Kathy had said about giving anything to have been in Olivia's shoes. It was something she had never expected to hear from Elliot's ex and was ironically the same way she had always felt about Kathy. At work she would often look at the pictures of Elliot's family that sat framed on his desk and wish with all her might that she could have something like that until eventually she would look at them and not just wish for a family but one with him. Olivia would have traded every single hour she had spent with him in the squad room for just one single day as the woman who he called his wife and with whom he was desperately in love with.

Now as she pulled into the driveway of their beautiful home, she suddenly realized that she had finally gotten what she had always dreamed about. The past few months had happened in such a blur that she hadn't been able to take the time to just step back and appreciate the life that she-they, that they had been gifted with. Sure they weren't married yet, but they would be soon and in a little over a month they would be welcoming their daughter into the world; life was damn near perfect.

Olivia grabbed her bags from the passenger seat and carefully maneuvered her way out of the car and up the two steps that led from the garage into the kitchen. She deposited her purchases on the island counter and immediately began hunting for the pickle spears.

Ten minutes later she had a plate full of peanut butter-covered-pickles and proceeded to happily munch away at them as she finished folding the laundry she had abandoned in her haste to get to the grocery. She was halfway through her snack and the laundry when she heard a set of footsteps approaching and turned around to see who it was.

"That's what you went to the grocery store for?" Kathleen asked, wrinkling her nose at the pickles.

"Yes, and if you have a problem you can take it up with your sister because its her fault." Olivia replied with a smile, pointing briefly at her stomach.

Kathleen just shook her head as she walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. "Do you need any help with that?" She asked as she walked back over to the table that was half full of folded clothes and half full of yet to be folded ones.

"Sure." Olivia answered lifting a pickle to her mouth only to realize that her craving had disappeared just as quickly as it had come. "You know, cravings are a very funny thing."

Kathleen laughed, picking up and folding a t-shirt. "You don't like it anymore?"

"Nope." She replied, setting the plate on the island to deal with later.

The two continued to fold in comfortable silence for a while until Kathleen held up a baby onesie and started to laugh.

"That's the one Munch made isn't it?" Olivia asked trying her hardest to laugh when Kathleen turned it around and confirmed her suspicion.

As per Olivia's request, there had been no games at the baby shower last weekend and instead each guest had decorated a onesie for the baby. All were in varying sizes so their daughter wouldn't end up wearing all of them in the first couple months and most had a cute phrase or picture drawn on the front in fabric glue. However, Munch who they had found out had absolutely no artistic talent, had apparently decided to use every decorative tool they had provided and the result was a huge, sparkly, multicolored blob.

"I told your dad we should've gotten rid of that one." Olivia said, giving in and letting out a quiet chuckle.

Kathleen frowned and waved it around a little, "Oh come on, it's not that bad."

"If you like it so much then you can keep it for your kids." Olivia said and then added quickly. "That you will be having it twenty years, after you get married, and have graduated from college."

Kathleen laughed, "You sound like, dad."

"Good, I know I'm doing something right then." Olivia joked, winking at her.

They finished folding the laundry in comfortable silence and once they were done Kathleen offered to take one of the baskets upstairs.

"That would be great, thank you." Olivia smiled as they both grabbed a basket. "Oh and just leave Dickie's stuff on the table, he'll see it when they come back from the park."

"I don't know what he finds so appealing about having his room in the basement." Kathleen commented, shuddering a bit. "I mean I know it's finished and everything, but the spiders..."

Olivia laughed at the disgusted look on her face as they made their way up the staircase. "Being on a completely different floor than his three, soon to be four sisters probably trumped having to kill a spider every once in a while."

"I guess that's true." She agreed, nodding her head slightly.

"It's also good for us because when he and your dad come back from the park, like today, I make them shower downstairs so they don't drag their stink around the house." Olivia explained just as they stepped onto the second floor landing.

Kathleen laughed while walking towards her bedroom. "Good point."

Olivia smiled and went to her and Elliot's room first, and made quick work of hanging up his work shirts before moving over to their dresser to put away the rest of their clothing. She was almost finished stuffing socks into his sock drawer when her hand grazed over something that felt like paper in the very back corner of the drawer. Curious, she pulled it out and discovered it was an envelope...addressed to her.

She started to open it, but hesitated. It obviously wasn't meant for her eyes if he had shoved it in the back of his sock drawer...but it was addressed to her and they didn't keep secrets from each other. She un-tucked the flap of the unsealed envelope and removed the single folded up piece of paper from inside. She dropped the envelope on the bed behind her and slowly unfolded the thin sheet of paper that was once again addressed to her in his familiar scrawl.

_Olivia,_

_If you're reading this than I've broken my promise to you and done something stupid again. _

Olivia's hand flew to her mouth and she sunk down on the bed as she realized what this was.

_I know that I promised you I would never do something like I did back in January again, but I knew there was a chance I might no be able to keep that promise. _

_It's only been a week since I was shot and I hope to god that if you ever have to read this letter, it will be years from now. I hope that if you're reading this that it's as my wife and the mother of our beautiful daughter, who as of now neither of us has met yet. _

_Even so, I bet she has your eyes and your beautiful smile. I hope that she hates boys and likes playing football with me and Dickie. I hope that she knows just how much you and I love her and that she thinks you're the best mom in the world. I know you will be, Liv. Despite any fears or doubts you might have, I know that you will be an amazing mother. _

_I love you more than I think you'll ever know and if you're reading this than it means I wasn't able to spend the rest of my life with you like I had always dreamt I would. But, I need you to do something for me. When the time is right, I need you to move on. I know that if you hold onto me it will tear you apart and the woman who I love won't be there anymore. I need you to do this, Liv. If not for me than for our daughter._

_I'm going to update this after the baby is born so as long as I can keep myself out of trouble for a few more months you won't ever have to read this. But after the way you looked at me at the hospital, I knew I couldn't put off writing this any longer. _

_I'm sorry and I love you,_

_Elliot_

Olivia could barely make out the last few lines through her tears. Her head knew that Elliot was alive and well playing basketball with his son not even five minutes away, but her heart was a mess having never even thought about this before. Sure she too had written a 'just in case letter', but it was a few years old and she hadn't planned on updating it until after the baby was born. To find that Elliot had already written one in case something happened in the few months before their daughter was born...it was just too much to handle.

She let the letter fall from her hands to the floor as she began to cry in earnest. She hated herself for being nosey enough to read it and she hated him for writing the damn thing and leaving it where it would be easily found. After everything they had been through, for her to find a goodbye letter from him out of the blue like this made her question everything.

What if something did happen to him? What if she was never able to call him her husband? How would she raise their daughter without him? What would happen to his kids?

"Hey, Liv! Guess who came home for a surprise-" Olivia looked up as Kathleen, Elizabeth, and Maureen walked through her bedroom door, their eager faces immediately turning into frowns.

"Olivia? What's wrong?" Maureen asked gently.

"I...putting away laundry...found..." Olivia couldn't finish and ended up simply pointing to the letter on the floor.

Maureen glanced at her younger sisters and thanked Lizzie who picked it up and handed it to her before taking a seat on the bed beside Olivia. Maureen only had to skim the first few lines of the letter to understand what it was and would be giving her father a piece of her mind when he got home. He'd obviously left it somewhere that Olivia could have easily come across it and with her being seven months pregnant and extremely hormonal it probably should have been put somewhere out of sight. She handed it to Kathleen who was still standing beside her and wasn't surprised when her younger sister's face grew angry after only a glance.

"God, can he not be more smart about where he puts these?" She scoffed in an angry whisper before giving it back to Maureen.

Kathleen went over to help Lizzie console their soon to be stepmom and Maureen was about to do the same when she heard the front door of the house open and close and her father and little brother's voices traveled up to them. She looked quickly at Olivia who had started to calm down and deciding that her sisters had it covered she quietly made her way out of the bedroom and downstairs to confront her father.

Maureen approached the kitchen where she found them getting water from the fridge and walked straight up to her father. "What were you thinking?"

"Hi, Maureen. Nice to see you too." He greeted ignoring her question.

She held up the letter so he could see it. "Did you not learn your lesson when mom found that one in the end table by the couch a few years ago?"

Elliot's face paled as he recognized Olivia's name written in his own hand. "Shit. How long?"

He didn't wait for an answer as he abandoned his water on the counter and headed for the stairs, Maureen hot on his heels. "I don't know how long, but I got here about two minutes ago and surprised Lizzie and Kate and then we walked into your room and she was bawling."

"Dammit." He cursed quietly under his breath, feeling like an idiot for not having taken care of the letter sooner.

Elliot cautiously walked into their room and if he didn't already feel horrible, the sight before him made him feel ten times worse. Kathleen and Lizzie sat on either side of Olivia, doing their best to comfort her and though he was relieved to see she was no longer crying, her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy and her breathing was still fairly uneven.

"Girls, could you give us a minute?" He asked, giving all three of his daughters a look that meant it wasn't a question.

Kathleen and Lizzie got up from the bed and left, but before Maureen closed the door she gave him the letter and a hard stare. "I know Maur, I'm gonna fix it."

"You better." She whispered as she pulled the door closed.

Elliot deposited the piece of paper on the nightstand beside the bed as he walked over to her. "Olivia?"

She looked up at him, the sadness in her eyes suddenly turning to anger. "How could you even think that was okay? I can't- Elliot- I just..." She trailed off shaking her head.

"I'm sorry, Olivia." He apologized, sitting on the bed beside her; far enough away so she didn't push him away, but close enough that their knees were brushing against each other. "I never meant for you to find it."

"Then you shouldn't have written it." She replied, quickly brushing a hand under her eyes.

Elliot sighed, "What if something did happen and I hadn't written it? I couldn't-"

"You couldn't what?" She interrupted, getting up from the bed and walking over the dresser. "You couldn't leave without saying goodbye so you figured I'd eventually find it in your sock drawer?"

Her voice cracked at the end and as he walked over to her, her shoulders began to shake. Forgoing caution he turned her around and wrapped her tightly in his embrace, placing his hand on the back of her head as she cried into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Liv." He whispered into her hair before kissing her head softly.

"All I could think about was that if something did happen I would never have been able to call you my husband." She admitted between hiccups. "And that I had no idea how to raise a child and...just please, please don't do anything stupid and don't write a letter in case you do. I can't...I can't handle it, El. I love you too much."

"I love you too." He replied, pulling back so he could look into her eyes and as he wiped away a few of her tears he said, "I'm sorry I scared you and I promise I won't do anything stupid or write another letter. I hate that I made you feel this way."

"Don't." She said, shaking her head. "I understand why you did it, but finding it like that...it was just a bit much."

He hugged her to his chest again not knowing what else to say that didn't involve him repeating how sorry he was. They stood like that for sometime before he began to feel her growing tired from the huge amount of energy she had just spent.

"You wanna take a nap?" Elliot asked gently.

"Only if you will too." She replied, looking up at him hopefully.

"Of course." He answered with a smile, kissing her forehead.

Olivia gave him a small smile in return and grabbed his hand, leading him over to the bed. He let her get comfortable before climbing in behind her, resting one arm over her stomach and sliding the other under her pillow. He spent the next half hour that it took her to fall asleep whispering reassurances in her ear and only when her breathing evened out and he was sure she was asleep did he carefully slip out of the bed.

Elliot picked up the letter from the nightstand and quietly made his way over to their bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He dropped the paper in the trash, keeping his promise to her to get rid of it and then pulled out his cell phone from his pocket, dialing a familiar number.

"Hey, Casey. Remember that plan we were talking about at the shower? Yes, I know I wasn't all the way on board then, but things have changed..."

**A/N: I am so sorry that it took a whole month for this update. I truly am, but I have been dealing with a lot of family stuff and now that band has started again I barely have a free minute to spare. **

**The good news, or maybe some of you will see it as bad news, is that this story is wrapping up and should be finished in two chapters. I want to thank all of you again for your continued support despite my erratic updating, especially since this was my first multi-chaptered SVU fic. **

**Also, I know you guys were probably looking forward to the baby shower, put I just felt like those are always done the same way for any story ever written and I didn't want to try and take on the task of making it my own. Sorry of you were disappointed, but it just wasn't in the cards for this story. **

**I love you guys to death and thanks for all the reviews and support!**

**-Katie**

**P.S. To make up for the huge delay you can message me or put in review a song or songs you would like turned into a EO songfic/one-shot. I can't technically make it a songfic, because the last time I tried to do that I got a message about it being against the rules, etc., however I will use the title and the premise of the song for the story.**


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