League of Legends 1. Chapter 1

**_A/N: Hello friends, and welcome to part 2! By making sure to upload part 2 in a timely manner, I meant the same day, because apparently writing is more important than sleeping._**

**_Anyway._**

**_Oh god, the hate. I am so sorry. Please don't hate me._**

**_xSilentWolf- PLEASE BABY PLEASE, DON'T BE LIKE THAT. _**

**_Tahimikamaxtil- Thank you so so much!_**

**_TheBosnianWizard- PLEASE, THE HATE, I CAN'T HANDLE IT._**

**_Okay… IF YOU CAN, please enjoy yourselves! Read, review, love me, all that good stuff. _**

* * *

Zed adjusted the bundle in his arms, hoping that the shadow was leading him in the right direction, doing his best to move faster, always faster. His hands were sticky and there was blood on his clothes, blood that was definitely not his, so he had to hurry…

He was at the small cottage sooner than he expected, and the relief was nearly blinding. He carefully freed one hand, knocking very loudly on the door, trying to fight back his frustration when it wasn't immediately answered. The woman who did answer was nothing like he would have expected; bronze skinned and dark haired, as far from Syndra as you could possibly get, but Zed knew he was in the right place.

He tilted the weight in his arms before she could tell him to leave, enough so that the blanket dropped away from his arms and to the ground, revealing Syndra's sickly pale face, pinched in pain.

"She's injured."

It was evident from the very fact that Zed had come to Karma at all, and the blood that was slowly beginning to stain everything. Karma looked shocked and afraid, but she held the door open, pointing Zed in the direction of what he assumed was the bedroom. He set her down on the only bed, adjusting the blankets around her before rushing out the same way he came, this time ignoring Karma at the door.

It was all he could do.

* * *

This was… dark. Everything was dark. Like shadows.

Everything was shadows.

* * *

Karma paced up and down a very dark hallway, doing her best to keep the movements silent. She had something of a routine going; walk up to the door, glance at it, walk passed the door, and repeat. She'd been doing this for hours, but no matter how much she willed the door to open, it stayed closed.

It had been so long.

Karma hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in days, but she could wait, she _had_ to wait. It was the least she could do, because all of this… all of this worry and pain and guilt were her fault. She should have known better, she should have protected her, she should have done something.

But that was the past, and as much as Karma could dwell on it, she knew that for now, she had bigger things to worry about than what she couldn't control.

A small click saved her from her tortured thoughts, and she stopped her frantic pacing to look up at the door that was finally opening. The woman walking through the doorway looked up, smiling humorously at the now very still Karma.

"You'll wear holes in the floor."

Karma tried to laugh, but it turned into more of sob on the way out.

"Soraka."

Karma ran up to the door, trying to peer around it before Soraka gently pulled it shut. She held up a finger to silence Karma before she spoke, taking a small breath.

"I'll answer your questions, but you need to tell me something first, and it's very, very imperative that you tell the truth."

Karma bit her lip, waiting for a question she knew she couldn't answer.

"Who brought her to you?"

Soraka had those big yellow eyes fixed on her face, making it nearly impossible to do the only thing Karma had been asked not to; lie.

"I don't know."

* * *

Zed pulled away from the shadows, stepping lightly into the room illuminated only by a small candle on the bedside table. He tilted his head to the door, making sure one last time that he was alone before crossing the room and pausing by the only other piece of furniture in the room; a small, narrow bed, burdened only by the smallest bundle of blankets.

He lifted a hand, hooking a finger behind one fold of the blanket and gently pulling it away, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling in his throat when he revealed what was beneath.

There was silver hair spilled haphazardly around a very pale face, eyes cradled in bruised flesh, normally full lips pinched into a thin line. He paused for only a second before pulling the blanket down even farther, leaving it bunched up at the bottom of the bed. He moved the hand from the blanket and to the loose dress she was swathed in, pulling it very slowly over bare legs and over her hip, dropping the handful of fabric at her ribs.

As bad as it had been to see her face, this was unimaginably worse.

The flesh that stretched from just below her left ribs to the middle of her stomach was dark purple and crossed with stitches, the mark contrasting so drastically with the rest of her body it was almost easy for Zed to convince himself that it didn't belong to her.

But it did, and killed him to know that it was his fault it was there.

When Selvi had stabbed her, everything was so… surreal. He could hardly remember stabbing Selvi himself, but he vividly remembered every gruesome detail when Selvi's limp body slipped, and the hand that was still curled around his dagger pulled, kept pulling, dragging the blade across Syndra's flesh. Selvi had missed; the initial wound could have been treated so much easier, but this…

His fault.

He let his finger hover over the gash, lowering it until it was just barely ghosting across the shadowed skin, running along every inch of bruised flesh.

"Your imagination is very lacking."

Zed's hand froze, pausing over the last stitch of the wound. He lifted his eyes to the lavender ones attached to the raspy voice, allowing a very small smile to curve his lips. He moved the hand back to the dress, covering her bare skin once more and tugging the blanket up to her chin. He perched very lightly on the edge of the bed, careful not to move or touch Syndra in any way.

"What do you mean?"

Although a whisper, it made Syndra's sound weak and frail by comparison. She slid one of her hands out from underneath the blanket, maneuvering it beneath one of Zed's and smiling when his fingers curled around it in response.

"You went through all the trouble to get the dress off, and that's all you do?"

The smile transformed into that signature smirk, and it was hard for Zed to remember exactly what it was they were talking about.

"Syndra."

She closed her eyes, the simple whisper making all the pain she felt feel so small and far away.

"I needed this. To see you."

Zed moved his other hand to rest very, very gently against one of her cheeks, staying silent until she opened her eyes again.

"I can't stay long."

She laughed, a choked sound that resembled a cough more than anything.

"I know. This is you we're talking about."

It was meant as a joke, but it made the guilt eating away at him burn all the more.

"How are you feeling?"

It was a question with an obvious answer, but it was hard for him to think of something more appropriate to say.

"I'm… Okay. Soraka says there's more work for her to do, but in a week or so, I can leave."

Relief overshadowed the guilt he felt, even if for just a moment. He squeezed the hand still clutched in his own, being careful not to squeeze _too_ hard.

"Syndra, I'm sorry."

She shook her head, pressing her free hand over the one Zed still had laying against her cheek.

"Don't. Please don't. It's over now."

And it was; Selvi would never hurt her again, he would never let _anyone_ hurt her again, but it could never make up for what he'd done.

The light around the edges of the only curtains in the room was enough to distract him, and he tried to smile as convincingly as he could at her.

"Time to go?"

He nodded, giving her hand one last squeeze.

"I'll be back soon."

He slid off the bed, pulling one hand free to balance himself and then leaning over her, being more careful than he ever had before lowering his face and pressing his lips to hers, savoring the feeling before slipping back into the shadows that brought him here.

Syndra opened her eyes when the pressure against her lips disappeared, blinking blurry eyes at the now empty room. It should be enough that Zed had visited at all, but she would've given anything for him to be able to stay.

She snapped out of her daze when the door clicked, blinking rapidly to clear her eyes before Karma came to sit on the edge of her bed, much like Zed had earlier. Karma kept her hands in her lap, twisting the fingers around each other before speaking.

"You look better."

Syndra tried to keep a straight face and even tone.

"I feel better. Can I leave soon?"

Karma kept on twisting her fingers, not quite sure on how to phrase her answer.

"As soon as you're healed, we can't… _keep_ you here, but Syndra… there's a problem."

Her stomach dropped; there was no way for her or anyone else to know Zed was here, he'd never let himself get caught.

"We both know who brought you to me when you were injured."

Syndra's mouth twisted. Not the problem she was thinking of, but just as worse.

"I told you, I had enough power to bring myself before I lost consciousness."

Karma shook her head, placing her twisted fingers in her lap and refusing to move them.

"You don't have to lie, Syndra. I won't tell anyone. And that's the problem."

Syndra didn't want Karma to be punished for something that was her fault, not after what she'd done for her, but short of giving Zed up, there was nothing she could do. She frowned at the lumps underneath the blanket that were her mangled body, vision blurry once more.

"Please, Karma."

She lifted one of the hands from her lap, deciding halfway through the action to drop it back into place.

"Syndra, I won't. But you may want to reconsider."

She shook her head, ignoring when the movement pulled at sore muscles.

"Karma, no. And I'm done discussing it."

She shook her head in disappointment, muttering a quick 'feel better' before rushing out of the room.

Syndra watched the door close behind her, deciding that as incredible as it sounded, the stab wound was the least of her problems.


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N: Okay, holy moly. Sorry about the time between updates, but I was really having a tuff time moving the story from where I had it. I think (hopefully) I have it mostly figured out now. _**

**_Also here's fluff, to make up for all the past and future heartbreak. Enjoy your fluff now. _**

**_Tahimikamaxtli- AND MORE YOU SHALL HAVE._**

**_Warrior975- I'm insanely glad you're enjoying it! I'm actually pretty excited to write the interactions between Shen/Zed but I'm also trying to be pretty careful about it. _**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Phew! Dodged a bullet. Well I've never been, but I will definitely take your word for it!_**

**_Ulcaasi- I'll have you know that comment made me have to watch that movie… twice. The name is just a place holder while I try to think of something as corny as the last one. Don't worry- I haven't completely reverted to my awful story name ways._**

**_CorporalNoob- 5ever? You flatter me. Thank you so much!_**

**_As always, reviews are greatly appreciated but please enjoy!_**

* * *

Soraka trailed her hand over Syndra's stomach, frowning for a moment before pulling her hand away and tugging Syndra's hospital gown back into place.

"It's all healed up nicely. I can't do anything about the scar, but besides that, there's no permanent internal damage. "

She waited for Syndra to answer, but on receiving none, headed for the door.

"I want to keep you for one last night of observation, and in the morning you can go."

This time she didn't want for Syndra to say anything, simply left the room and closed the door very quietly behind her. Syndra waited a few seconds to make sure she was gone and that no one else was coming in before pulling up the gown, twisting her hip to get a better view of the scar.

It was hideous.

It was dark, raised, and impossibly long, covering nearly half of her stomach. She ran a finger across the uneven skin, sighing in dismay; if Soraka couldn't heal it away, then nobody could. She yanked the gown back into place, deciding that ignoring it for as long as she could was the best course of action.

And now… all she could do was wait.

Unsurprisingly, there wasn't a lot to do in the hospital; Karma had been very clear that she was to keep to herself, and Syndra had spent almost the entire stay locked away in her room. It had been nearly two weeks of long, arduous healing sessions with Soraka and very uncomfortable conversations with Karma. Even Zed, as much as he'd promised to visit, had only been there twice, and Syndra thought the boredom might actually be driving her insane.

She moved to the middle of her bed, crossing her legs and resting her arms on her knees, trying to meditate for what felt like the hundredth time that day. It was harder than she thought to clear her mind, and much easier for her thoughts to wander, back to the night she'd been trying so hard to forget.

She was thankful that most of her memories of the night were hazy at best; the ones she was stuck with were terrible enough. She'd been upset that night, because of Zed… and then there was Selvi in the rain, Selvi's crazed eyes, and then so much _pain. _

After that, almost nothing.

Syndra opened her eyes, frowning at the room that had hardly gotten any darker. She ran one hand over her face, deciding that going to sleep early was as good of an idea as she was going to get. She fell back against the pillows that were much too small for her liking, sticking one arm behind her head and bouncing a sphere with the other, waiting for the steady motion to lull her to sleep. It was slow going; the room had gotten dark enough that she could hardly see the sphere anymore before her eyes felt heavy at all.

She let the sphere fade away, snuggling deeper into the outrageously thin blankets and consoling herself with the thought that this was the last night she'd have to spend in this room.

"You look very uncomfortable."

The voice broke what little hold sleep had had on her, but she was happy to hear it nonetheless. She opened her eyes, wiggling to one side of the bed and holding up one corner of her blanket.

"Hurry up."

She sighed very quietly when Zed took his spot beneath the blanket, closing her eyes and hooking one leg over his, then tucking her head beneath his chin and against his chest.

"You're late."

The murmur was too quiet to carry any real anger, and Zed's only response was to run a hand along the leg Syndra had curled around him, letting it rest at her hip.

"I'm here now."

"Well, I'm tired now."

It was clear to them both that she wasn't, and Zed let his hand trail just a little bit farther up, stopping only when the movement made Syndra flinch. He pulled his hand away from her ribs, where it had just hardly grazed the scar that now stretched across it.

"Did I hurt you?"

He'd assumed that by now, she would have been mostly recovered, but he didn't know anything about Ionian healing methods outside of what the Kinkou had taught him. She was slow to answer, taking the time to thoroughly chew her bottom lip before responding.

"No, it doesn't hurt."

It wasn't exactly the answer Zed was expecting, and he waited for her to explain further.

"It's… Soraka couldn't heal it all."

For a second, Zed was worried, but he figured if there was a life altering problem that couldn't be healed, this wasn't the way Syndra would be acting. She was almost… shy. She ran her finger over her gown and across her stomach, and then shrugged.

"It left a scar. Rather unsightly."

Nothing she said alleviated his confusion, but he didn't think she would explain further. She was worried about a scar? Considering who she was talking to… It was a little ridiculous.

"You think scars are… unsightly."

He didn't mean for his tone to come out quite so mocking, but Syndra just rolled her eyes.

"No. Just mine."

If anything, she confused him more. He'd seen the initial wound, and although it was serious, he didn't think the scar would be _that_ bad. Zed's silence made her feel like she had to explain, but it was harder than she thought to pick out just the right words.

"I was… worried, I suppose. That it would off-putting to you."

Syndra waited in silence, the embarrassment she felt at having to admit such a vain insecurity eating away at her. Zed didn't answer right away, making her discomfort all the more painful.

"It's not off-putting."

It was much more of a relief than Syndra expected to hear him say it, but he continued speaking before she could answer.

"Love is… not affected by scars."

For several minutes, Syndra just sat there, stunned by the direction the conversation had taken. Love was the last thing she expected to get from her petty confession, the last thing she _ever_ expected to hear from Zed. As much as she wanted to question the statement, it was easy to tell how uncomfortable Zed was, and Syndra settled for snuggling just a little bit closer, hiding her smile against his shirt.

"It better not be."

Zed didn't let her hide for too long; he tilted her chin up, pulling her into a kiss that was happier and more lighthearted than she ever thought him capable of. And this time, when he ran his hand back along her hip, she didn't flinch away, because as close as she was it could never be close enough; not even when she was pressed beneath him, every inch of space between them erased.

It was especially maddening later, when Zed had to leave and all she wanted was to drag him back to bed. The fact that this was the day she was leaving was barely enough to console her; it was well into the morning before Karma came to retrieve her, thankfully bringing something that wasn't made by the hospital to wear. She held up the hooded shawl, ignoring Syndra when she curled her lip.

"No one knows you're here still. "

She watched Syndra carefully pull it over her head, adjusting it when she was finished so that every lock of silver hair was safely hidden away. Her hand lingered at Syndra's cheek just a few seconds longer than was appropriate, and she pulled it away with a slightly embarrassed smile.

"You know the way to my cottage from here still?"

It'd been many years since she'd last been here, but Syndra in her youth had spent a lot of time with Karma, and Karma had and still did spend a lot of time with Soraka at the hospital. She nodded, then gave Karma a shallow smile before letting herself out.

It was hard for Karma to watch her go; if she was here, at least she knew Syndra was safe, and that no one could hurt her. It was harder still to remind herself that it had been a long, long time since Syndra needed her or anyone else to worry about her.

But it was impossible not to worry about family.


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: I didn't take a week this time! It's a miracle._**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Lose my sanity? I'm not too sure about that._**

**_Johnathon- They both already know, actually! Selvi told Akali and Akali told Shen. _**

**_CorporalNoob- That response… 3gud_**

**_Ulcaasi- Please do, I will take any excuse to watch that movie. I really missed fluff… It should just be fluff and rainbows all the time. _**

**_As always, thank you for reading and please do leave a review, but mostly importantly, enjoy!_**

* * *

_Syndra waved her fingers, riveted on the yellow magic that twisted around the chubby digits. She turned her small hand every which way, finding new patterns every time she looked. Karma laughed at the wide-eyed fascination, waving her own hand in front of Syndra's face, adding turquoise magic to the yellow. _

_"You see? Your power can be anything you desire."_

_She pulled her hand away, separating the colors once more. The blue wisps solidified, taking on the form of an ethereal dragon that twirled around Syndra's head before dissipating. Syndra giggled, swatting at the fading colors before turning back to Karma._

_"Or it could be simpler. But it is yours to shape and use, and yours alone. Your possibilities, young one, are endless."_

_Syndra paid rapt attention, those large eyes held wide open and her mouth popped open into a small 'o'. Karma cradled her face in her hands, turning the 'o' into smile, touching her nose to Syndra's and making her squeal. _

_"It's up to you to decide."_

* * *

Syndra watched the shadow ninjas training, trying to catch the exact moment that they disappeared seemingly into thin air, but although she'd been watching for hours and never let her gaze wander, she'd yet to catch the movement.

It was frustrating… but fascinating at the same time.

Even if she couldn't discern all their shadow techniques from observation, they were still enjoyable to watch; every single student moved in unison, with a grace and fluidity that put any dancer she'd ever seen to shame. And not a single one of them complained. Syndra had started watching hours into the practice, and even now the sun was nearly hidden behind the trees and still, not one student had asked to be excused or anything of the sort.

The dynamic is what interested her the most; every student seemed more or less at the same level of expertise, and every single one moved together. And then there was Zed, presiding over the exercise, critiquing where he could and perfecting their forms.

Syndra lazily let her gaze follow Zed, thinking more about the mindset of the students. She'd never really spoken to any of them with the small exception of two, but she'd seen them together every time she was at the order. Outside of training they were relatively normal, albeit rather serious people; people, she gathered, who trusted each other implicitly, and would do anything for each other. The relationship went beyond simple partnerships or friendships… the way the students acted, they were nothing less than family.

And that fascinated Syndra more than anything.

* * *

_"She's a problem."_

_The words, at the moment, made no sense at all; Karma could see Syndra now, cross legged in the middle of the lawn they were standing on and waving her hand in a circle, watching the yellow spheres that followed the motion with the same doe eyed fascination that she always did. How could someone so vibrant and happy be a problem? Karma tried to reason._

_"Group lessons are new to her, and you know how gifted she is. The other students are just intimidated. Just give them time to adjust."_

_The elder shook his head the entire time Karma was speaking, and answered in a tone that made it clear he'd made up his mind long before Karma arrived._

_"She's not intimidating, she's dangerous. She's very powerful, but young and naïve. She can't control that power and I can't control her. I don't think group lessons are what is best for her right now."_

_Karma tried to keep her face serene, even though the anger she could feel boiling just beneath her skin threatened to burst forth at any moment. It was clear in this situation who was really naïve, and Karma did not have time to waste on ignorance._

_"Very well."_

_Her reply was curt and sharp, and she turned immediately on her heel and motioned to Syndra._

_"Syndra! Time to go."_

_Syndra's head jerked up, her previously entranced face breaking into a smile that always made Karma feel like the sun itself was beaming at her. That smile quickly faltered, something in Karma's expression ruining her previous elation. She trotted up to her, only tripping once, and followed Karma away from the lawn. _

_Karma didn't want to say anything; she didn't want to ask about what had really happened at the lesson or have to explain why Syndra wouldn't be able to go back. She just wanted to watch her smile and dance and laugh, like every other ten year old._

_But Syndra was too smart for that._

_"Karma?"_

_The voice was so small, but sad enough that Karma could almost mistake it for someone far beyond Syndra's age. _

_"Yes?"_

_Syndra stopped walking, and when Karma turned around, she looked up at her with those big yellow eyes that Karma loved to pretend was the sun, now clouded and glassy with tears. _

_"I tried… to be good. To control, like you said, but… But I…"_

_It pained Karma to see how badly Syndra was trying not to cry, even though she was already hiccupping for air and pulling her mouth tightly to one side. Karma kneeled in front of her, taking her small hands in her own and nudging her chin up with the bundle. _

_"Syndra… there are people that will never understand the lengths that you go through to maintain control over yourself… They will never understand what it is like to be you, or have to endure the trials that you will. You are going to make mistakes, and it may not always be easy to overcome them, but you will. Because you are strong."_

_The tears in Syndra's eyes spilled over, but her mouth wasn't pinched anymore and it even softened into a very, very small smile._

_"Stronger than the other kids?"_

_Karma smiled, pulling one hand free to wipe the tears away from her cheeks._

_"Stronger than them all."_

* * *

"You've never watched training for that long before."

Syndra sighed, the small motion of Zed twirling her hair around his fingers lulling her closer and closer to sleep.

"I should. It's very… interesting."

Her murmur was fading, but Zed asked anyway.

"What interests you the most?"

Syndra smiled, even though she didn't think he could see it from where she was curled against his chest.

"The instructor. He interests me greatly."

She could practically hear Zed roll his eyes, and she made herself comfortable, only slightly annoyed when he interrupted her again.

"What is it really?"

Syndra was too tired to really think her answer through, and cared more about satisfying Zed's curiosity so that she could sleep more than she cared about providing an in-depth response.

"You're all very… cohesive. It's unusual. To me, at least."

Zed didn't reply, still playing with her hair but considering her answer in his usual silence. Syndra decided she almost missed him talking, although preferably quieter.

"But it must've been like the Kinkou. Tell me about them."

Her voice ebbed into a sleepy sigh, and when Zed answered he was significantly quieter than before, much to Syndra's delight.

"The Kinkou were like the order… in some ways. To be efficient, you needed to be… cohesive, as you observed. But they were…"

Syndra was fast asleep before finding out what the Kinkou used to be.


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N:_**

**_Ulcaasi- Yay, you approve c:_**

**_CorporalNoob- Sorry for the confusion! I like to do this thing where I change the name of the story only after I've written some of it and not give anyone any warning… Very professional._**

**_Redgrave- Awww, I hope your reviews stop getting lost! I love hearing from you. AND I LOVE HEARING ZED SAY LOVE. Thank you! I did think it needed a new name that wasn't just "part 2", and I'm quite happy with the new one ^-^ _**

**_Johnathon- I should have went back and told you what chapter it was in… But I am very lazy. I apologize. I actually enjoy writing about Karma and Syndra's past a lot, so I'm very glad someone else is liking it!_**

**_xSilentWolf- I actually missed you very much! And no, I will not eat this teemo cookie, ugh. (I also totally didn't google translate all of that.) Zed's past, all in good time. Smut, eh? We'll see. I enjoy all reviews, weird or bullcrap or whatever. Lah you too bb._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- I could actually never get into ZedxAkali myself since ShenxAkali was my first League OTP, but I can appreciate the pairing. I am very glad you're interested though! Thank you very, very much for reading all of it :3 I will try my best to keep it up. _**

**_As always, thank you very much for reading and I would definitely appreciate any and all reviews, but please enjoy!_**

* * *

_Karma rushed through the cottage door, breathless from the run there from town. Her eyes searched the small room, and even though it came up empty, that left only one place else for Syndra to be. She walked through the cottage and out of the glass doors that let into the garden, the place that Syndra loved more than anything else. Sure enough, she was there, seated in the midst of more flowers than she could count and beneath a tree whose willowy branches nearly brushed her head._

_Karma approached after Syndra didn't move, carefully placing a hand on her shoulder._

_"Syndra."_

_Her voice came out in a huff, since she hadn't quite recovered her breath yet._

_"I need to hear it from you."_

_Syndra had had both her hands on her cheeks before, holding up her head, but when Karma looked now her fingers were clawing at her face, pulling at the pale skin. _

_"It's… too… hard."_

_Karma tried to speak, but Syndra cut her off before she got a chance._

_"They all want me to restrain, to pretend that I am as weak and frail as the rest of the students. The elders have no problem with the other students performing to their best, but when I do…"_

_Everything she said made Karma so terribly sad, because as talented and powerful as Syndra was, she would never be able to fully release like the other students. But Syndra was wrong, about one thing._

_"Syndra… Somebody was hurt this time. Their problem lies with the safety of the students, not with you personally."_

_Syndra released her face, whipping her head around to Karma, and for just a brief moment, the hand Karma still had on her shoulder felt the power within Syndra that had always been the reason she was unwanted by her parents, given to Karma because no one else in Ionia could ever begin to understand or control it. It was so dark and twisted and consuming, pushing aside the bright magic and swallowing Syndra alive. Karma flinched, pulling her hand back to her side, and for a second…_

_Karma was afraid._

_"They would be safe if they were strong! I cannot help weakness!"_

_Her face was twisted in fury, those yellow eyes dark and full of more anger than anybody Syndra's age should have the misfortune to experience. Everything that had happened, everything Syndra was saying… It was all so wrong. Syndra was supposed to understand, she was supposed to be able to control herself, everyone was supposed to be safe. _

_Karma raised a hand, lifting it to Syndra's cheek. Her hand was shaking, Syndra was shaking, and everything in the world had never seemed more wrong than in that moment. _

_"She died, Syndra."_

_And there was just the slightest tremble at the corner of Syndra's mouth, the beginnings of regret, the only sign that Syndra wasn't completely lost to her._

_"She was weak."_

_She set her mouth, peeled Karma's hand off her cheek and stalked away, leaving Karma to think of what in the world she was going to do. _

* * *

Syndra stood in the foyer of her home, unable to move forward but unable to back through the door behind her either. The room was dark, quiet, unassuming. She didn't know what she expected; no lifeless body on the floor, no bloodstains on the walls. It was clean, impeccably so, and that unnerved Syndra more than anything.

It was like it never happened.

Her hand fluttered almost subconsciously to her side, hovering over the scar that was the only remaining proof that Selvi had ever existed.

Selvi.

It was… impossible, how Selvi had turned from someone she trusted, someone that had been there for her when she had no one, into… into what, exactly? A traitor? A man whose idea of love and protection was sticking a dagger between her ribs.

Impossible.

Yet here she was, stuck in her own house because of what the traitor had done, unable to forget. But what was there here for her, anyway? The room was still dark, the fortress was still eerily silent, and it was still empty. Her home didn't comfort her like it used to; the tea table was no longer inviting, the pillows were no longer comforting, the stairwell no longer filled her with the feeling of imminent release after a long day.

She walked up the stairwell anyway, trailing a hand along the wooden railing and pushing open the door at the top of the stairs. She headed immediately for the balcony, leaning against the railing like she would any other day at sunset. The balcony, the view, the peace she felt when she was out here… that would be the only thing she would miss.

She didn't watch the sunset for too long, only enough for the sun to just barely dip behind the trees before heading back into her room, grabbing an armful of her favorite pillows from her bed and then leaving, shutting the door with not so much as a glance behind her.

* * *

_"It's quite a walk, I know."_

_Syndra didn't reply, just kept her arms crossed and her eyes kept carefully on the path. She'd never been this far into the forest before; the path was thin and overgrown, and clearly no one but she and Karma had been down it recently. She was angry that she had to be in the forest at all; this was the kind of day she'd normally spend doing nothing but experimenting with her power, but Karma had dragged her away from home with no indication as to where they were going or when they'd be back._

_It was infuriating. _

_Neither of them spoke until the path became a little less wild, and the forest around them was thinner and brighter. Syndra looked up from the ground when she heard someone else on the path, coming from the opposite direction of her and Karma. It was an aging man, clothed in outdated Ionian robes that swept the ground, just hardly longer than the beard that rested against his chest. He smiled when he met Syndra's gaze, bowing slightly in a respectful hello. _

_"Syndra."_

_Syndra had nearly forgotten that Karma was still there, waving a hand from her to the old man._

_"This is your new mentor. He volunteered, specifically for you. Out here, you can be given the attention you have always needed. You can learn."_

_It was all a little hard to believe at first. She had her own mentor? There would be no one restraining her here; here, she would be free to grow better and stronger. The man held out a hand, beckoning her closer, and Syndra left Karma without a word, eagerly joining him. _

_And for the first time in years, Syndra felt like she truly belonged where she was. _

* * *

Syndra adjusted her bedding again, shifting one of her pillows from the bottom of the bed to behind her, and pulling the blanket over her head. She'd been tossing and turning for hours, but it was impossible for her to get comfortable. She threw the blanket away from her face with a huff, resting her hands on the sheets and staring at the ceiling, trying to will her discomfort away.

It wasn't working.

She couldn't get her ill-advised day trip out of her mind; she couldn't stop thinking about Selvi. She wished that she never met him; she wished that she would have spent the time while Zed was away alone and far, far away from anyone else. She wished more than anything that things could have turned out different for the poor man whose only fault was to help a stranger in need. Selvi had been a decent person, and by simply being misfortunate enough to meet Syndra, turned into something malicious and twisted. It was her fault.

The guilt was eating her alive.

She glanced to her side, at the edge of the bed where Zed was still sleeping. He'd come home late and she knew he was tired, but she moved closer anyway, gently nudging the arm he had over the blanket.

"Zed."

It took her a solid minute of prodding before he moved, rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

"Is everything alright?"

He was still half asleep, just now dropping his hand from his face. Syndra chewed her lip, beginning to regret her decision to wake him up.

"Yes."

He focused bleary eyes on her face, taking in the raw skin on her lip and increasing frown.

"Are _you_ alright?"

Yes, she definitely regretted it now. Still, she shook her head.

"No."

He didn't say anything after that; he didn't ask why she was waking him up in the middle of the night not to talk or why she looked so tortured, just shifted so she could inch closer and settle beneath his arm, assuming her favorite spot. Syndra was relieved that he didn't ask her anything, because the last thing she needed was to explain why she felt responsible for the man who tried to kill her being dead. All she needed now was contact; the kind of silent comfort that Zed was the best at providing.

It was a while before Syndra was tired enough to go to sleep, and Zed, to his credit, stayed awake the whole time. She wanted to apologize for waking him up… but decided it could wait until the morning, when they were both a little less exhausted. She curled just a little bit closer, pulling the blanket up to her chin and smiling very, very slightly. The fortress used to be the only place in Ionia that she felt comfortable, but now…

She found somewhere else that she belonged.


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N: Okay. I actually had a lot of fun writing this chapter, so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it… and proofreading it maybe a little more than was necessary. _**

**_Ulcaasi- Gosh, I know. And even when I do find a SyndraxZed fic that's written well enough for me to read it, Zed is always a robot and Syndra is always an overgrown 5 year old. So here is fluff, free of robotics and temper tantrums. _**

**_CorporalNoob- God. Please. No. Hashtags._**

**_SethDarkcloud- From useless to brilliant… I like you. There are definitely facts to support it; I've always just thought they had a history, but not a romantic one. That's why I wrote Akali into the story, because of all the lore they shared, but I don't ever really see them together. BUT, that is just my opinion, and I really do think it's an interesting pairing. _**

**_xSilentWolf- I'll never be tired of it! Love you too much. Everyone needs fluff… I need fluff. This chapter better be chocolate chip cookie worthy, or I will flip out._**

**_Alright! As always, thank you tons for reading and if you wouldn't mind, please leave a review! They always make me super happy. Most importantly, enjoy!_**

* * *

_"You betrayed me!"_

_Syndra's mentor shook his head, sweeping a hand in front of him. _

_"Syndra, please understand. The spell is for your safety; for the safety of Ionia. It's to teach you restraint. It is not a betrayal."_

_Syndra's hands were shaking, and for a couple of seconds, she was too furious to think of a response. She stepped forward, her hands tightening into fists._

_"You mean to make me weak!"_

_Her mentor stepped away, holding one hand up in warning. _

_"Syndra. If you can't control yourself, I will make the spell permanent. Please, restrain."_

_In a better state of mind, Syndra may have been able to see how irrational she was acting, but as it was… She was entirely too angry to see reason, and despite her mentor's efforts, still in control of some of her power. She raised one trembling fist, and her mentor raised with it; and when Syndra threw her hand to the side, he followed, only where her hand had stopped, he continued to move, crashing into the walls of the temple. _

_For one brief moment, there was nothing but silence; then all at once there was a rush of energy, filling Syndra with all the power that had been stolen from her for so long. Where her hands before were shaking with anger, they were now shaking with pure, unrestrained magic, and Syndra could feel that there was nothing to stop her, no one to steal what was rightfully hers._

_She could do anything. _

_She didn't give her mentor a parting glance before rushing outside, surveying the temples that were meant to be a prison. She couldn't go back to the society that had condoned this… No, she was above that, above them all, and this prison … it was all hers._

_She lifted her hands, flush with the new power, noticing that the magic around her fingers was no longer yellow, but a rich purple, deciding that she much preferred the deeper hue. She eyed the temples, the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips; yes, she was above everyone in Ionia. She used every bit of the new power to rip the temples from their foundations, and with gaining momentum, lift them high into the sky, above the forest and the foolish society that had done nothing but hold her back. _

_She lifted her new fortress until it was higher than anything in Ionia, until she was above everything and everyone. She stood at the precipice of her new home, the dark spheres around her illuminating a wicked smile._ _To have all this power at her disposal, to be able to exercise it at will, was nothing short of intoxicating. Up here, there was no restraint. There were no elders, there were no boundaries. She was free._

_"__**I **__am in control."_

* * *

"Karma!"

Karma lifted her head, trying to find the body attached to the voice she definitely did not expect to hear in her garden, at this time of day. But sure enough, there she was, walking through the open doors of Karma's cottage and threading her way through the garden. Karma would have thought Irelia would be working –it was the middle of the day, after all- so she expected it was very important… and with her luck, most likely bad news.

"Captain Lito."

Karma stood from where she'd been sitting, bowing respectfully. Irelia didn't bother with any pleasantries; from the look on her face, she didn't want to be here and she definitely came on unfortunate circumstances. Her mouth pinched uncomfortably, and for a moment, Karma almost thought she would leave before she said anything.

"It's… I'm doing this for you, and only because of what you've done for me."

Karma cocked her head in confusion.

"I don't understand."

Irelia's awkward stance turned into one of forced composure, and she averted her gaze before speaking.

"Your… pet. Syndra. The elders know she has an alliance with the Master of Shadows. They mean to move against her."

Of all the terrible things Karma had the brief time to imagine, this was by far the least expected. She was too stunned to say anything, at first; she just stared at Irelia for much longer than was polite. She blinked rapidly after a few seconds, remembering that she wasn't supposed to know anything about Zed and Syndra, and that she was the only one who _wasn't _supposed to know Zed was the one who brought Syndra to her when she was injured.

"An alliance? What do you mean?"

Irelia shrugged.

"They don't know. But they have information from an apparently very reliable source. It's high treason, Karma."

Karma knew full well what it was, and the repercussions. But what could she do?

"How long?"

Irelia smiled ruefully.

"How long do you have to warn her? The elders haven't decided what course of action they want to take yet, since they don't think there's any immediate danger. A month."

A month? That was more time than she could ever ask for, but still, considering Syndra's habits, might not be enough time to reach her. She shook her head, and placed a hand on Irelia's arm.

"I know this was difficult. I will never be able to thank you enough."

Irelia didn't say anything, just nodded curtly and left the garden, shaking the discomfort from her shoulders on the way out. Karma waited until she could no longer hear the Captain's footsteps to run into the house, pulling her stationary from its usual spot on one of her end tables. She had an idea; an idea that was not very well thought out and had very little planning, but an idea that she thought was Syndra's only hope at avoiding the wrath of all of Ionia. All she needed was Syndra to see the letter, and her complete and utter compliance.

Gods help them all.

* * *

_Karma stood before the high elders, all gathered in an unusual meeting of extreme circumstance. The elder with the most influence, the oldest, was the first and only to speak to Karma._

_"She killed an elder… and I am not quite sure what name to give the offense of raising the temples into the sky. The spell he placed on her is broken. She is unimaginably dangerous. A threat to all of Ionia."_

_Karma's mouth twisted into an expression of anger that had become quite familiar to her in the past few days._

_"There should never have __**been**__ a spell. I sent her there to learn, not to be deceived."_

_The elder waved his hand, dismissing Karma's point._

_"It is of little consequence currently. We need to determine our next course of action."_

_"You ask me for help now? Now that you've deliberately lied to me and discounted everything I've said?"_

_Karma had never in her life disrespected a high elder in such a way, or anyone else, for that matter, but she had never been so angry. The elder, for some reason, forgave her insolence, spreading his hands in what Karma assumed was a gesture of good will._

_"We have a problem, Karma. I believe you are our best solution at a nonviolent resolution."_

_Karma tilted her chin back, and tried not to let her lip curl when she responded._

_"Let me speak to her. I know she will not listen to anyone else."_

_The elder drummed his fingers on the long, wooden desk him and the rest of the elders were seated at, contemplating the request._

_"Very well. We will be expecting a report."_

_Karma bowed stiffly, not able to find it in herself to say thank you for the opportunity to talk to Syndra before anyone else took action. This was their fault, for lying to her and to Syndra._

_It was Karma's fault for sending her there at all._

_If she'd just been more patient, if she'd just given Syndra a little more time and attention, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe Syndra would still be living with her, learning how to use her powers with someone who cared about her safety and well-being. This parley with Syndra, it was nothing._

_She owed her so much more._

* * *

"Am I doing it right?"

Zed laughed, placing a hand at Syndra's elbow and adjusting the angle of her arm.

"Not quite."

Syndra rolled her eyes; she'd been watching the students all morning, how could she not have it right?

"Are you sure? Or are you saying that because I've mastered it so quickly?"

It was Zed's turn to roll his eyes.

"You think very highly of yourself."

Syndra grinned, letting him adjust her other arm.

"_You_ think very highly of me."

Zed didn't say anything, just stepped away and studied her stance with a very critical and experienced eye. Syndra tried to hold the pose, becoming more frustrated the longer he went without speaking. She finally dropped her arms after almost a minute, pouting at Zed's carefully stoic expression.

"It was perfect."

Zed shook his head, losing all his earlier mirth and becoming completely serious.

"I'll show you."

He stepped back to her, and she let him raise her arms like before, holding them in place when he moved his hands elsewhere; elsewhere being her hips, apparently.

"Much too rigid."

His voice slipped into the cadence reserved for specifically disciplining students, contrasting greatly with where he currently had his hands. He slid them from her hips to the small of her back, moving them ever so slowly downwards, and letting them rest almost halfway down the back of her thighs.

"You need to be more…"

Syndra hadn't really been paying attention to what he was saying, or anything else really; only the fluttering in the bottom of her stomach and the trail of warmth Zed's hands had left across her skin, so it wasn't quite as shocking as it usually would have been when she found herself pressed up against the wall behind her, the motion much too fast for her to catch in her current state. Zed pulled her legs up, crossing them behind his back and leaning into her neck.

"Flexible."

She wasn't sure if he said anything after that, because Zed was making it very hard to concentrate; the lips against her throat, the hands at her breast, the smell in what little air there was between them. Every new thing made it that much harder to think and that much harder to control herself. She arched her hips, practically begging for more.

Zed held her there, pinned against the wall for what seemed like an eternity before whisking her away, freeing a hand to open the door to their right and laying her on their bed. She pushed him away very, very briefly, only to strip what little clothing she'd bothered to put on that day, waiting for him to do the same before pulling him back, even closer than before.

This was, without question, her favorite place to be; nothing between them at all, free to rub up against every inch of skin and muscle. She never wanted to leave; she never _had_ to leave. She pulled his face to hers, grinning against his lips.

"So teach me."

* * *

Karma paced the cottage, every lap making it harder and harder not to scream out in frustration.

It had been much too long.

Her letter to Syndra was clearly marked urgent; there was nothing more urgent than Syndra responding _right away._ And yet, here she was, her month grace period nearly over and not a word back. Syndra couldn't be ignoring her; even someone that headstrong and independent could see the kind of trouble she was in, and if anything, she would answer back to Karma to let her know how much she didn't need her.

So what was the problem?

She jerked to a standstill, stopping mid rotation when the obvious answer finally occurred to her. Of course Syndra didn't respond… Because she wasn't at the fortress. No, of course she wasn't. That was the whole reason they were in this situation, because Syndra just couldn't stay at the fortress. So she was at the order then; the order the elders were forbidden from ever contacting, even if she knew how.

"So how does anyone _ever_ get in touch with the Master of Shadows?"

Her frustration finally got the better of her, and she screamed the sarcastic rhetorical question into a very empty room. She continued her pacing, only completing one lap before being filled with the most vile, sickening feeling she'd ever experienced.

_You ask his shadow. _


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N: Sorry for the late update… again! Writers block and all that. Also, I know this chapter might be a little… confusing, but I couldn't really provide context without giving anything away. I'll make sure to explain everything you guys ask about in my next A/N, so no worries!_**

**_CorporalNoob: Well he's like that with only one lady, so how good is he really?_**

**_Ulcaasi- Doesn't everything always sound better in our heads?_**

**_Ayex- Thank you! Hopefully the chapter meets your expectations._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Thank you! Hopefully you know I respect yours too :S I don't want to seem rude or anything. The ending was my favorite part, glad you enjoyed it :]_**

**_xSilentWolf- Squealing = Success. *highfive* Chocolate cookies, yay! God, I hate writers block, but if you ever do write anything, make sure to tell me! Bake lots of cookies… lots. _**

**_The Greek Geek3010- Thank you very much! I know this update wasn't fast, but I'm trying to work on it. Fun fact- I am also Greek ^-^_**

**_Lyraa- Thank you so much c: Sorry for making you wait for updates so long! I actually have a very hard time dealing with the fact that I'm awful at Zed, because he's so much fun and I love his character so much. Love you too!_**

**_Redgrave- Mmmm keep in mind though, she's been abandoned by everyone her whole life, and the one place she thought she would fit in was a lie, so (in my opinion) she has a pretty good reason to act bratty. The only thing she's ever had was Karma and her powers, and she didn't have Karma when she was with her mentor, so he was taking the only thing she had left. So she was acting spoiled, but not for no reason. _**

**_Alright! Thank you wonderful people for reviewing, I really do love to read feedback, and it makes me so happy that people enjoy the story. As always, thank you for reading, leave a review if you'd like, and please enjoy!_**

* * *

"She sent… you."

Zed shrugged, the picture of nonchalance.

"She is upset. Understandably."

Karma pursed her lips, being careful to keep her gaze focused on anything but Zed.

"She is irresponsible."

It was abundantly clear that Karma didn't just mean Syndra was irresponsible for not even bothering to meet with Karma after what she'd told her, but the man in front of her didn't seem to be affected by the thinly veiled accusation. He didn't even shrug this time.

The meeting wasn't getting any less uncomfortable; Karma cleared her throat, hoping to move the proceedings along, but he spoke before her.

"She'll do it."

Karma sighed in relief, the worry that had been eating away at her finally lifted. If Syndra was willing to comply this time, for once in her life, they may actually have a chance to avoid any conflict with the other elders of Ionia. It made her face pinch to do it, but she managed to force her next words out.

"Thank you."

Zed didn't answer, and Karma lifted her eyes from where they'd been carefully studying her rug, expecting him to be gone. She was unpleasantly surprised; he was still there, leaning against the open doorframe as casually as anyone she'd ever seen. This time, she didn't drop her gaze; no, she was much too angry to let him leave without having said anything at all.

"This is your fault."

There was no reaction, of course. He didn't shift, didn't speak, and that unbearable mask hid anything that might give away any hint of an emotion. She didn't know how Syndra could ever stand it.

"I know."

* * *

**_She wants you to join the League. The Ionians won't be able to harm a champion of their own country._**

_Syndra shook her head, smiling ruefully the wall. It was a good idea, for such short notice, but Syndra didn't think she'd ever heard something so terrible. But what else was there?_

_"I don't even have a choice."_

_Zed didn't say anything, just watched her continue to shake her head long after the shadow was finished speaking. _

_"If I don't do what Karma says… if I don't join the League, we have nothing. The elders have already decided against me."_

_The League; hadn't Karma asked her to join before? It was easy to refuse then, when all of Ionia wasn't bent on ending her life. And now, her best option at peace was to join the institute that would let commoners control her, and for what? Entertainment? It was barbaric._

_Syndra was going to be sick. _

_She waved a hand at Zed, trying to ignore how nauseous the last few minutes had made her. _

_"Tell Karma I'll do it. I need…"_

_She shook her head again, standing from her chair and heading outside._

_"I need to be alone."_

* * *

Syndra tapped her fingers on the edge of her bed, trying to keep the frequency of the taps even and steady.

This was taking a lot longer than it should.

Or maybe her perception of time wasn't quite right; she was strung out, tired, and miserable, and the last thing she wanted was to be left alone with her thoughts anymore. Maybe she should have gone with Zed to see Karma… she certainly needed to talk to her, but with the future journey to the Institute, they would have more than enough time. Syndra shuddered, and dropped her head into her hands.

The League.

The _one_ thing she couldn't do, and of course it was Karma's only solution. Join the League, so strangers can force you to fight and do as they say, so you can be safe, so they can protect you from the Ionians.

So you can be controlled again.

It was tempting to let the elders search her out, to test every limit of her power against the society that deserved nothing more than her wrath. If she was faced with this situation a few years ago, prior to meeting Zed, she had no doubt that that's what she would have done; fought the Ionians until she couldn't possibly fight anymore. But now… Now, it wasn't just about her. Before, she didn't have anyone to stay safe for. There was no one in the entire world besides Karma who would have cared if she lived or died, if Ionia crushed the life from her.

But things were different… _ she_ was different. And it would be selfish to throw away her life for pride alone, when she wasn't the only one who cared about it anymore. She owed Zed enough that she had to try; join the League, try to avoid bringing attention to herself once she was safe. After all, this was her problem to fix. She didn't know how the elders knew about her and Zed, but of the two of them, it was almost certain it was her fault. She'd slipped a few times; she hadn't been careful enough to keep things secret and now she would have to accept the consequences.

If only the consequences didn't involve joining the League.

The click of a door opening distracted her from her anguished thoughts, and Syndra looked up, waiting for the second door to open. Zed pushed it open slowly, making sure she was awake before walking into the room. He joined her at the edge of the bed, close enough for Syndra to lean her head against his shoulder.

"How did it go?"

Zed shrugged his unoccupied arm.

"Fine. She will be happy to see you, despite the circumstances."

Syndra made a noise very similar to a grunt; of course Karma would be happy to see her… happy to see her join the League, too.

"She wants to leave tomorrow. She doesn't think you have a lot of time left."

Syndra closed her eyes, pursing her lips to keep from screaming something obscene.

Tomorrow.

She wouldn't even have time to think about it, to wrap her head around the situation. She didn't know how it was possible, but things actually got worse.

She pulled her knees up to her chin, prompting Zed to secure an arm around her shoulders to keep her from falling over.

"Everything is so…"

She lifted her hands, trying to think of a word to perfectly describe the misery she felt.

"Wrong."

She wrapped her arms around her knees, frowning at the very lackluster explanation. She tried to focus on where she was now; safe, for the moment, and Zed was here, still at home. The corner of her mouth pulled down when something new occurred to her; she would be stuck traveling with Karma for a considerable amount of time, and there would be no one else with them until they arrived at the Institute.

"I'm going to miss you."

Zed's arm constricted, pulling her curled up form closer. He was out of his depth when it came to consoling her, but he didn't want Syndra to leave any more than she did.

"As will I."

* * *

Syndra groaned, pulling her blanket over her head in an effort to shut out what little morning light there was. As ineffective as the blanket was at shutting out light, it was infinitely worse at canceling the loud rumble of thunder, and as hard as she tried Syndra couldn't fall back asleep.

She threw the blanket away from her face, eyes drifting to the small window in the room. Murky light illuminated a steadily growing rainfall, and Syndra groaned again. Perfect travel weather. She grabbed a hooded cloak appropriate for the weather from Zed's very small closet, making sure to dress warmly underneath it; already she could feel the chill from outside.

Syndra walked into the sitting room, half expecting Zed to be waiting for her there, and biting back disappointment when the room proved to be empty. She made her morning tea very, very slowly, glancing at the door an absurd amount of times and trying to listen for footsteps over the rain. She gave up after she'd been staring at the dregs of her tea for several minutes, donning the heavy coat and walking into the rain.

She was supposed to head straight to Karma's cottage, but she took one tiny detour, hoping to find Zed in the meeting temple of the order. The room wasn't empty, but she wasn't surprised when Zed was nowhere to be found. She stood at the entrance, tracing her eyes over the few people gathered once more, perking up slightly when one person detached from the group and approached her. The ninja bowed, her features already apologetic. She opened her mouth to speak, but Syndra shook her head. She'd been in this situation enough times to know what she had to say, and already her stomach was turning with the familiarity.

"I know. Thank you."

The girl inclined her head, and asked.

"Would you like me to pass anything along?"

Syndra had a few choice words she'd love to deliver herself, but she'd already wasted enough time, and didn't want to waste the students' as well. She shook her head again, and turned to leave. She was almost back into the rain when she whirled back around, raising a hand.

"Wait!"

The woman turned around, waiting for her to speak. Syndra's hand drooped as she thought of what to say, face pulling into a frown.

"Don't tell him I was here."

The girl looked confused, but nodded, and Syndra walked back outside, pulling her hood up against the rain.

* * *

Karma was pacing outside of her house when Syndra arrived, her white coat darkened by rain and boots already muddy. She still smiled when she saw Syndra, joining her on the path. Syndra was planning on a quiet trip, but Karma was eager to fill the silence.

"I'm sorry you had to leave right away. I tried to reach you sooner, but you were… unavailable."

Syndra didn't know what to say; she didn't want to explain why she didn't want to stay at the fortress anymore, and she wasn't in a particularly talkative mood. She shrugged in answer, hoping Karma would take the hint.

She was disappointed.

"You might like the Institute. There are other gifted mages there, from all around the world. And after you join, you do not have to stay. Very rarely do they request a champion's presence. You can return to Ionia."

It sounded marginally less terrible than she imagined, but nothing Karma said would make the situation okay.

"Syndra…"

Her voice was different this time, quieter and more serious.

"I know that you think this is like the last time."

She stepped ahead of Syndra on the path, blocking her way so that Syndra was forced to look at her when she finished her sentence.

"I am so very sorry."

Syndra knew she meant that she wasn't just sorry for what was happening now, that she was sorry for leaving her with that mentor all those years ago, for letting the elders lie to her and steal her power. She was sorry for how everything turned out, so angry and terrible. She was sorry for giving up on her.

Any other day, Syndra might have been tempted to forgive her, or maybe even grace her with a response, but Karma picked the wrong morning to attempt reconciliation. Syndra forced her way around Karma, continuing down the path and hoping to the gods that the rest of the trip was nothing like the beginning of it.

She found it very fitting when the sky accentuated her dismissal with a crack of thunder, increasing the rainfall just enough so that her and Karma could continue the journey in miserable silence.


	7. Chapter 7

**_A/N: Pretty quick update, and I have half of the next chapter very tentatively written, so hopefully I can get that one up soon as well. _**

**_AYEX- Thank you for the compliment ^-^ I will most definitely continue. _**

**_CorporalNoob- Oh gosh… family time. I'm glad I uploaded this in time._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- I almost left out the League entirely, but I had a pretty good idea that I could use it for, so I'm glad you like it. Okay good, I'm just paranoid about being mean or rude to anyone :S Thank you so much! I still have a hard-ish time believe that people actually like it. _**

**_xSilentWolf- Scared the crap out of me. LISTEN HERE. I REALLY LIKE TEARING THEM APART. But rly, I thought you knew. I am the smush lover, the absolute fluff monster. I need my fluff. I live for fluff. So pls. _**

**_Teemo… cookie. Oh we have a problem. I still love you though-_**

**_Alright! Thank you for reading and if you would be so kind, leave a review! They always make my day. Enjoy!_**

* * *

_Why do you want to join the League?_

The voice in her head was eerily reminiscent of Zed's shadow, if slightly less malicious. Syndra chose not to answer; they could already see into her head, her every thought and memory. She didn't need to explain why she was here.

_The Dark Sovereign is… not scared. Eager?_

The illusion she was in made it look and feel like Syndra was alone in the forest, alone at night with nowhere to go and no one to find her. She walked calmly between the trees, waiting for the voice to finish the point it was making and to end the charade.

_Eager to prove yourself. You don't want to be here, but this is the perfect opportunity to make the Ionians afraid. _

The dream forest was ending, giving way to freshly torn apart earth and a crumbled, barren cliff side, littered with fallen debris and devoid of life. Syndra's breath caught when she recognized the spot, but as hard as she tried, she couldn't walk away. She couldn't see the fortress above them, but she knew…

_Eager to prove you're not a murderer. _

The forest melted away before Syndra could panic, and she was once again in the small, blinding room that the League officials had brought her to, squinting against the harsh lighting. She leaned out of her chair, towards the small man in the summoners robes that hardly filled his own seat, and lifted her chin.

"I will always be a murderer."

The man shrunk, sinking into his chair, but laughed anyway. Syndra had been in his company for no more than an hour, and already she despised the vile creature.

"Welcome to the League."

* * *

Syndra tugged the hood she was wearing over her eyes, frowning when it slid backwards again. She loosened the hair tie at the back of her head, letting her hair flow over the front of her coat but successfully pulling the hood over her face once more.

"You don't have to hide."

Syndra growled at Karma's voice; she had a headache already, and the last thing she needed was a lecture.

"It's much too bright."

Karma was inclined to agree; the hallway they were walking down was lined every inch of the way with overbearing fluorescents, a stark contrast to the torchlight they were both used to back home. Still, Syndra looked… creepy, with the dark floor-length cloak pulled over her face. She sighed, deciding that neither of them was in the mood to argue about something so trivial. She stopped when the hallway split, gently grabbing Syndra's shoulder to keep her from continuing passed her.

"My room is down this way. Follow that hallway to the end, and someone at the desk there will assign you a room."

Syndra nodded beneath the hood, turning on her heel and stalking away. She wasn't tired, exactly, but she was eager to get a room that was hopefully darker than the rest of the building. She kept her eyes on the floor while she was walking; if she stared hard enough, she could almost see her reflection in the shiny white tile. She was so focused on finding the lines of her face in the floor that she didn't hear another person walking down the relatively narrow corridor, until she clipped the person with her shoulder. Syndra tilted her head back, not quite enough for the stranger to see her face, but finding herself much too close for comfort to another girl about her size, only dressed much more… sparingly, with dark hair that even tied back flowed almost to the back of her legs. The girl bent at the waist, bowing in what Syndra assumed was a polite manner, even though her eyes were narrowed in irritation.

"Pardon."

She hurried off down the hallway, taking another turn that neither she nor Karma had been on before Syndra could say anything. She stared at the empty hallway in annoyance; she wasn't used to impoliteness coming from someone that wasn't her, and she hadn't even gotten a chance to say anything.

Syndra walked the rest of the way with her eyes kept carefully off the floor, but thankfully didn't run into anyone else. At the end of the hallway, like Karma promised, was an open lobby branching off into several different hallways and an oversized desk, made of the same shiny white tile as the floors. There was only one girl seated, a tiny blonde thing dressed in navy and smiling at nothing in particular. Syndra reluctantly approached the desk, making sure to adjust her hood again.

"I require a room."

The girl smiled at her less than polite tone, her teeth making Syndra flinch. Was everything in this accursed building the same white? She tapped a thin finger on the small notebook in front of her, hovering over a list of names.

"You must be Syndra! Silly- you already have a room."

Syndra bristled; if she _had _a room, she wouldn't be standing here. She curled her lip when she realized that Karma must have already gotten her a room while she was being interrogated, and conveniently forgot to tell her in a very pathetic attempt to get her to walk around. Well, nothing about the barren room impressed her, and the two people she'd had the misfortune to meet were doing nothing to sway her decision about the institute.

The blonde's smile faltered for a moment, taking in Syndra's uncomfortable posture and the stiff arms at her sides.

"But… the room number is 87."

She tapped her lip, considering for a moment, and reached into one of the many drawers around her legs, then handed Syndra a small plastic card that she assumed was her room key. She pointed back down the hallway, towards where Karma's room was.

"Straight back the way you came, but take the hallway on your third left. It's at the end of the corridor. A bit of a walk, but it's relatively private."

Private: finally, something that didn't make her cringe. Syndra mumbled what she hoped was an acceptable thank you, flinching when the girl called after her.

"Have a brilliant day!"

Syndra hurried down the hallway, noting with relief that it was empty the entire way down and finally letting her hood fall, shaking out her damp hair. As luck would have it, it poured the morning they arrived at the institute, and Syndra hadn't gotten a chance to dry off her hair or her clothes; it didn't help that the institute was kept at an absurdly low temperature.

Syndra studied the walls as she walked, half fascinated and half disgusted at how perfectly white and stark everything was; how could they possibly keep the entire institute so pristine? No matter how far she went, everything remained exactly the same… and the loud girl was right; the room _was_ a bit of a walk, but the hallway was as she promised: quiet, empty, and Syndra could've sworn even the lighting was darker. She found her room at the end of the hall, sighing happily at the metal 87 fixed to the middle of the door. She lifted the hand clutched around the key card, lifting it towards the door and… stopping, the card millimeters away from the lock.

There was someone inside.

Syndra slowly leaned her head closer, carefully placing an ear against the door. There was the distinct sound of a shower running, and Syndra frowned, pulling her head away. Was it the right room? She checked the number again; 87, like the girl said, and it matched the number on the key card she had. So… it was Karma? Karma went to her room… a longer walk, instead of hers… to take a shower?

The sound of the water cutting off distracted her, and Syndra leaned against the door again, listening for the quiet noise of the bathroom door opening. She twisted her mouth, standing up straight and shaking her hair out behind her. This was beyond irritating; Karma's previous attempts at some sort of friendship were merely annoying, but now she was going too far. She swiped the card, missing the first time in her anger and shoving the door open when it finally clicked, squinting into a room that was much darker than she anticipated. She used the hand still holding her key to search the wall to her right, fumbling for a light switch.

"Karma! I have had enough of your games!"

She struggled for only a few more seconds before a light she didn't turn on blinked into existence, the same irritating brightness as everything else. She squeezed her eyes shut, blinking them rapidly after a moment to clear her vision.

It was definitely not Karma.

"What games?"

Syndra blinked a few more times before letting her frown break into a smile.

"Zed!"

He was there, impossibly; dripping wet and wrapping a towel around his waist, but _there. _Syndra kicked the door shut behind her, crossing the room as fast as she could force herself and wrapping her arms around Zed's neck, burying her face against his shoulder. The journey from Ionia to the Institution had almost taken a month, and she hadn't heard from him the entire time; she hadn't even gotten to say goodbye… She pulled away when she remembered whose fault that was, frowning as disapprovingly as she could manage in her current position.

"I am very angry with you."

Zed grinned, placing his hands on either side of Syndra's face and bending into a kiss that made up for every day of silence and one measly missed goodbye, that left her breathless and not quite able to remember why she had any reason to be upset in the first place. He let his forehead rest against hers, leaning into Syndra's hand when she moved one from the back of his neck and to his cheek.

"I've missed you."

His voice was a whisper now, and Syndra closed her eyes, unable to believe just yet that he was really _here. _She wanted to make absolutely sure; she moved her hand from his cheek to his chin, tilting it so she could press her lips to his again. She held him there until she physically couldn't anymore, finally pulling away to gasp for breath.

"As I have."

Zed waited until Syndra's breathing returned to normal to hold her a little distance away, gently placing the back of one of his hands against her cheek.

"You're freezing."

She _was_ freezing, now that he'd reminded her, and she pulled away, shrugging the wet cloak from her shoulders and beginning to pull at the buttons of her shirt, tossing the coat in a corner of the room.

"A hot shower sounds nice."

She was sure to be generous with the sarcasm, stripping the rest of her damp clothes. Zed rolled his eyes, giving Syndra the chance to snake her arms around his neck again, bringing her face dangerously close to his. Sidled up against him with significantly less between them, Syndra was more than aware of all the skin that rubbed against hers, and the muscles she traced with the hand she moved from behind his neck and slowly, carefully down his chest. She shivered in delight, lips curling into a grin, free hand tugging at the towel tied not so securely at his waist.

"Care to join me?"

And even though Zed was still dripping from his own shower, he let her lead him away, abandoning the towel at the bathroom door.

* * *

Syndra was blissfully happy.

Even though she was tired and the bed was too stiff and she terribly missed home, she was warm and curled around Zed, still not quite over the surprise of him being there. She sighed, murmuring into the dark.

"I never did ask why you were here."

Zed laughed, continuing to twirl her hair around his fingers.

"No, you were quite distracted."

Syndra swatted his arm feebly, prompting an answer.

"We are…"

His already quiet voice trailed off, unable to find the right words.

"You are not alone. So I joined. "

He finished with a shrug, and although he hadn't said much, Syndra couldn't stop the smile that curved her lips. She closed her eyes, settling against his chest, sighing once more.

"I love you."

"As do I."

* * *

_And why do you want to join the League?_

_Zed stood in the midst of a silent war; his shadow order was beginning the coup of the Kinkou, and he could see everything exactly as he remembered it. He could see the mirage Shen, wading through the crowd, fresh sorrow on his face and murder in his eyes; he could smell the blood and the sweat and the fear, he could feel the energy in the air that you could practically touch. He could see it, feel it, remember it, but he couldn't hear it, and watched in fascination as the ninjas around him died in silence. He shrugged, standing completely still despite the unsettling realness of the fight. _

_"You know why."_

_The voice laughed, seemingly amused. _

_"You join for her… You feel responsible. But you do not fully understand the depth of your action."_

_The order was gone before Zed could ask, all the students gone in an instant. He was once again in the induction room, seated across from a female summoner that managed to grin at him despite the cowl over her face. _

_"Welcome to the League."_


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N:_**

**_CorporalNoob- I try my very hardest._**

**_Tahimikamaxtli- You are absolutely 100% right._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Thank you :3 Okay, good! I want everyone to be happy. No bad, rude people here. Will do!_**

**_theQueen- I'M SORRY I'M SORRY. _**

**_TheBosnianWizrd- oh. God. No. I hate Shaco, I hate Braum. No no no no no. _**

**_The Greek Geek3010- aww shucks! Thank you!_**

**_xSilentWolf- All the fluffy almost-smut for you! I had to have him join, them being apart really breaks me up. But yes, you are 100% genius. _**

**_Oh god. Soft baked. Many thanks!_**

**_Redgrave- I'd like to think she is well on her way to growing up, but we'll see! Ah yes, feelings. Gotta love it c:_**

**_theQueen- I'm actually working up the nerve to write a lemon, but I think I'd upload it separately instead of sticking in the story. It's rated M because I'm a big wuss and I'm scared of getting in trouble._**

**_Lyraa- I actually didn't really want to put her in the League, but I saw an opportunity for a story line I really liked so I'm going with it. I love the cute stuff c: very glad you enjoyed it. Yay, gold star! The first part of the story was 24 chapters I believe, so around there unless I either run out of ideas or come up with something I think it super great and feel the need to continue for longer. _**

**_Ulcaasi- I actually started League pretty late too- around Vi patch. But Syndra joined first :] (Released first)_**

**_Alright guys! Trying to keep updates quick, failing miserably, and I apologize. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy!_**

* * *

Syndra tugged on the edge of one of her shirts, groaning when she couldn't safely pull it from beneath Zed's weight. He was sprawled across every available inch of her already miniscule bed, dressed in full order uniform; it was the armor that was making it impossible to get anything he'd laid on out from under him, and she was getting frustrated.

"Did they not give you your own room?"

Zed smiled, turning over on his side long enough for Syndra to retrieve what she needed before falling back to the mattress.

"I never asked for one."

Syndra narrowed her eyes, pausing what she was doing just to glare.

"Unbelievable."

He flipped the mask in his hands, trying not to laugh at her expression.

"I was under the impression you enjoyed having me here."

Syndra shook her head, tugging her retrieved shirt on. He not so subtly tracked the movement, feigning indifference.

"Which of us do you really think enjoys it more?"

Zed grabbed her wrist when she passed by the bed again, pulling a not so reluctant Syndra very carefully onto his chest.

"Do you want to find out?"

She let Zed pull her into a kiss, trying her best to appear as uninterested as possible. It was a little difficult to be convincing when she was slowly leaning into it, but she did actually have somewhere to be, and besides, the armor really was a problem; already it was pressing uncomfortably against her ribs, and she shifted away.

"Karma will be here soon."

Zed held onto her arm, an almost irresistible invitation.

"She's not here yet."

Syndra rolled her eyes, batting away the hand. She stood up, straightening her clothes and standing out of arm's reach of the bed.

"It looks nice, but the armor is very uncomfortable."

She was saved from being pulled back onto the bed by a very quiet knock at the door, and she turned back to Zed one last time.

"Half an hour. I'll meet you…?"

He waved a hand, then placed both behind his head and closed his eyes, settling more comfortably against the pillows.

"I'll find you."

Despite who she was talking to Syndra still looked skeptical, and she felt the need to reiterate.

"Half an hour."

She turned back to the door when he didn't answer, opening it just enough to slip through. She bowed customarily to Karma, narrowing her eyes at the lights as she did so. She and Zed rarely left their little apartment, and Syndra insisted on keeping it dark.

"One moment."

She dashed back inside, back to her bed where she sifted through the small pile of clothes, moving Zed periodically out of the way. Karma watched her pull her coat from the pile, tugging the hood on before leaning over Zed and kissing him very quickly goodbye. It was strange enough, considering the two people in question; she had expected a much different dynamic between the two. When she'd first heard of their 'alliance' from Irelia, in her mind she pictured a more sadistic kind of partnership, but this… The way he looked at her when she couldn't see, and the way her face lit up even after she closed the door behind her and pulled the hood over her face, was nothing near what Karma ever imagined. It was almost difficult for her to remember who exactly Zed was, and all the lives he'd claimed since he took over the Kinkou. The man she saw kissing Syndra goodbye was a murderer, and it disturbed Karma how easy it was for her to forget.

Karma led Syndra down the hall in silence; she knew Syndra preferred it this way, but it wasn't easy for her to remain quiet when she had so much on her mind.

"You realize he is the reason you are here."

Karma had a way of speaking that made the sentence carry no judgment, just a quiet statement of fact. Syndra sighed underneath the hood, but kept her pace even and stayed at Karma's side.

"Not today, Karma."

The way she said it meant not ever, and for the first time in years, Karma realized how futile it was for her to try to change anything about Syndra. She'd been spending so much of her time worrying herself sick about her, when all Syndra cared about was herself, and now, apparently, the murderous ninja. This was beyond Karma, had been for years, and she was surprised how long it took her to realize.

Syndra glanced at her from underneath the hood, surprised that she actually didn't respond. She just kept walking, leading Syndra passed the lobby of the institute and down a hallway Syndra had yet to explore, ignoring a majority of the earlier doorways. She gestured occasionally, rarely pointing out a doorway.

"Training rooms, meditation rooms, and… here."

She stopped outside one of the more ornate entranceways, a large wooden door that was intricately carved.

"The institute has its own library, filled with literature from every corner of the world. It's usually quite empty, and spacious enough for you to… avoid interaction."

It sounded perfect to Syndra; a quiet place where she could read away from the rest of the people in the institute.

"I have something else to attend to, if you'll excuse me…"

Karma didn't seem right; distracted, almost, and she hurried away before Syndra could thank her for showing her around. She turned back to the door, tracing her fingers over the woodwork. It was beautifully done; Syndra tried following a single line with her eyes, finding it impossible to stick with just one part of the pattern. She pushed the door with both hands, huffing a little at the weight and cringing when the door creaked; the inside of the library was so quiet, it made the slight noise almost painfully loud. But the _library;_ it was amazing. The ceiling was domed and curved far over her head, decorated with art that matched the etchings on the door. Every wall was lined with books, with rows and rows of shelves in-between, every type of book imaginable crammed into every available space. There was a large desk in the middle of the room, with a dim light shining over its only occupant. It was the same girl that was stationed in the institute lobby when Syndra had arrived, only this time instead of staring off into space her nose was buried in a book, eagerly and carefully flipping through the pages.

Syndra decided to avoid the desk entirely in favor of exploring the expansive room by herself, following the bookshelf that started at the right of the door first. She let her fingers trail over the spines of the books, simply admiring the inventory before searching for something specific to pick out. Every single book was different; some were pristine and brand new, some were ragged and covered in dust, some were imprinted with the same art as the rest of the library. It was all so incredible, this multitude of books, that Syndra was surprised there was no one else there.

Syndra walked along the entire curve of the room, coming back to the entrance on the opposite side of the doors. She surveyed the room again, deciding this time to wander between the shelves in the middle of the room. They were much taller up close, towering far above her head and packed closer than she initially thought. It reminded her of the forest back home; dark, closely packed trees, with all the quiet she loved. As entranced as she was it was easy for her to forget that her half hour before meeting Zed would be up soon. She picked a book off the shelf, fascinated by the gold bound spine and carried it with her deeper into the forest of shelves, occasionally plucking a book from the walls around her. She was far, far into the library when she found a tiny little nook of overstuffed armchairs, nestled deep within the shelves and as distant as possible from the entrance. She couldn't hear anything from back here; she couldn't see passed the shelves, couldn't see over them. She picked the biggest chair, placed her small stack of books by her feet and lifted the one on top, sinking into the chair and smiling in a moment of bliss.

She needed this.

She needed the break away from everyone and everything, to have a little time to herself to curl up with a book in silence and seclusion. The book itself was written in a language she was unfamiliar with, but the script was artfully handwritten and Syndra was lost in the beauty of it. She flipped carefully through the pages, then put the book back on the floor and took another from the stack. This time, an Ionian account of the Runewars, printed neat and small, filling every inch of space on every page. Syndra flipped through every book at her feet, each one covered in unique art and filled with more languages than she ever knew existed. She was almost put out when Zed found her later on; she didn't particularly want to be disturbed, but he simply picked up the first book she had deposited and dropped into a chair, carefully pulling back the cover. Syndra was doing her best to ignore him and focus on the pages in her hands, but Zed had spent an awful lot of time on that book, and hadn't skipped through an of it like she did. She glared at him from beneath the hood she hadn't taken off yet, inexplicably annoyed at how easily he slipped into silence and absolutely entranced he seemed in the book in his lap. He looked up after a few minutes of Syndra staring him down, frowning at her expression.

"What?"

She jerked her chin at the book, folding her arms over her own.

"You've had it for quite a while."

He tilted his head in confusion.

"Noxian war stories. It's interesting."

Syndra leaned over the arm rest of her chair, practically piling into Zed's and snatching the book from his lap. It was like she thought; the first book she had, written in the language she had never seen.

"You understand it?"

He shrugged.

"It's ancient Ionian. Most of the Kinkou knew it."

Syndra chewed on her lip, fighting the keep the slight embarrassment off her face. Ancient Ionian; how did she not know that?

"I know."

She put her own book back on the floor, getting up from her chair and gracelessly falling into Zed's lap, letting her feet dangle off the side of one of the armrests and leaning her head against the front of Zed's shoulder. She opened the book back up, situating it on her legs so that Zed could see it.

"Read it."

Zed stared down at the small ball Syndra had curled herself into, waiting for her to look up. She let the corner of her lip twitch up, and kissed the bottom of his jaw.

"Please."

She pulled her coat off, piling it beneath her cheek and closing her eyes before he could respond. The armor was still pressing uncomfortably where the jacket wasn't, but Syndra was sleepy and happier than she had been in days, and for now, she didn't want to move. She tapped a fingernail against the armor closest to her face, catching Zed's attention.

"Zed?"

"Mhm?"

Syndra smiled against the coat.

"Quietly."

* * *

Syndra stretched awake, slow to realize at first that she was no longer curled up in the library but back in her apartment, tucked safely into the tiny bed. She yawned, easing her eyes open and immediately noticing the smell of freshly brewed tea. She sat up when she started to feel more awake, piling the pillows up so she had something to lean against. She smiled when Zed sat next to her, carefully placing a cup in her hands.

"I wanted to stay in the library."

She missed it already; the apartment was nowhere near as serene, and she couldn't remember any of the story Zed was reading to her. They _had_ to go back.

"They don't allow tea."

Syndra took a sip from the cup in her hands, grinning wider at the familiar comfort of green tea. It was a compelling argument; she wasn't sure if she wanted to give up the tea just yet. She lifted it to her lips again, but this time was pushed more towards sadness; she missed home, more than anything, as nice as some parts of the institute were. She frowned into her cup, angry at the tea for making her homesick. Her fingers constricted around the handle, and she forgot all about the wonderful library and relaxing day, unable to focus on anything but the desire to be far, far away from where she was

"Let's go home."

Zed leaned over, about to speak, and was interrupted by a loud knock at the door. Syndra didn't lift her head; she'd let Zed get rid of Karma this time. She was far from being in the mood to deal with her, and Zed was probably much more effective at making her leave.

Syndra jerked her head up when she heard glass breaking against the tile floor, noticing first the shattered cup at Zed's feet and the small puddle of tea. She noticed the person at the door next; thin figure, long dark hair… the same girl she ran into the first day she was at the institute. What was she doing here? She was about to open her mouth when Zed spoke.

"Akali."

Akali? That was the girl... that was the girl that Selvi knew, the girl that Zed…

"Hello, Zed."


	9. Chapter 9

**_A/N: Holy cow, I am sorry. I know my update is very late, and I apologize. This chapter gave me a lot of problems, and I lost count of how many times I've rewritten it, but I finally think I got it in a good spot. At least I hope so, because I don't think I could handle writing it again._**

**_But again: Very sorry._**

**_The Greek Geek3010- Who wouldn't freak out?_**

**_TheBosnianWizard- You're picking very strange champions. If I do want to include someone else, they would most likely be from Ionia, but I'm kind of hesitant to include other champions._**

**_Ulcaasi- that very… VERY…. Awkward moment_**

**_Bloody Grimoire- I won't give it away, but I will say that jealousy is a lot of fun to write~ Thank you!_**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Gotta have Akali! Mmmm I don't want to spoil anything, but I don't think you have to worry about Zed x Akali too much. Thank you c: I hope your exam studying/exams went well, though._**

**_CorporalNoob- I have a few plans in mind for the Institute, so we'll see! It definitely opens up the story line a little._**

**_AYEX- Just the way we like it~_**

**_xSilentWolf- Your dad just doesn't understand :/ YOU ROOT FOR SYNDRA/ZED YOU FOOL. Oh fine, fine. I didn't want the cookie or anything ._**

**_Lyraa- Aww, I'm sorry about your badish day :[ I'm glad you felt better! Thank you very much c: I'm insanely glad you're enjoying the fic. All aboard the hype train!_**

**_Feng-Kun- Thank you! Pls don't hit me, I am fragile and small. :S_**

**_Alfrinn- No need to apologize :] YES. LOVE THE OTP, CHERISH THE OTP. You're welcome! And thank you very much for all the compliments :] It means so much to me. I'm kind of a Lissandra/Brand person myself- very interesting pairing there. Lissyndra is actually a really clever name, I like it. Hopefully your tests went well! Much love for the praise 3 _**

**_Alright! Again, sorry for taking forever to update; I know I always say I'm going to try not to take forever, and hopefully this time I can actually make good on that promise. But anyways! Read, review if you feel like it (I love them and appreciate them immensely) but please enjoy!_**

* * *

_"She won't get away with this. This will not spare her life."_

_Zed was pacing still, kicking aside broken glass as he went. Everything in the small apartment was shattered, spread across the floor in his rage. _

_He still wasn't finished. _

_Syndra tried to speak again, hoping for a better result this time._

_"What do you hope to accomplish? The League will protect her. There isn't anything you can do."_

_He whipped around to face her, chest heaving and eyes wild. This wasn't Zed; he'd never been like this before, so crazed and far from reason._

_ "She will die."_

_Syndra could do nothing but stare for a moment, unable to look away from the murder in Zed's eyes. Her next words were in the quietest of whispers, a stark contrast to all of the earlier screaming._

_ "You would die for this? You would risk your life and mine for revenge?"_

_He didn't answer her, but his silence was enough. Yes, he would. He would do anything to kill Akali, despite the League standing in his way, despite Syndra practically begging him to see reason. Her lip curled, and it was suddenly very unimportant to her to stay calm. _

_"I was wrong to expect anything else."_

_Syndra headed for the door, whirling around when she heard Zed following behind her. Her hand was already lifted, fingers curled into claws around the sphere in her palm. She could see her reflection in his eyes, still so wild; her own were glowing, the power she usually worked so hard to control just beneath the surface, so close to bursting. She looked unafraid, terrifying, vastly different from the turmoil she felt inside. _

_"Enough."_

_Her tone left no room for arguing, and this time when she headed for the door, there was no one behind her. She hurried away from the room, down the hallways that looked the same no matter how much you walked. She'd set out with almost no idea of where she wanted to go; Karma's room, maybe, perhaps the library._

_But why stay at all?_

_The thought of returning to the room, of having to listen to Zed explain all the reasons why he had to throw away his life for something so petty… It made her sick. She didn't want to be here; she wanted to be home, far away from Akali and Zed and the Institute. _

_She stood in the lobby of the Institute, eyes flicking from the hallway she knew the Library was in to the exit. From Zed to home. _

_Syndra picked home._

* * *

_Back so soon?_

Syndra threw her coat across her bed, quick to follow. She spread her arms across the pillows, fingertips grasping for the edges of the bed that were well out of her reach, eyes focused on the ceiling.

"Not soon enough."

The shadow perched on the edge of her bed, and if Syndra squinted, just barely stared from the corner of her eye, she could almost mistake the shape for someone else. She squeezed her eyes shut, and feeling an oncoming headache, pinched the bridge of her nose.

"What does he want?"

There was no other reason for the shadow to be here; Zed was checking up on her, even now.

As far as Ionia was from the Institute, she still couldn't get away.

_He's rather… anxious. _

Syndra snorted, the ridiculous notion almost making her laugh. Anxious? He wasn't the type.

"So reassure him. I am sure you will enjoy the Institute as much as I have."

She might be overdoing it with the sarcasm, but it was preferable to being angry.

_He is not at the Institute._

The corner of Syndra's mouth twitched, the only indication she gave that she heard the shadow at all. If Zed left the Institute, he'd be here; he would have made it back to Ionia before her…

"Where is he?"

The shadow took so long to speak, Syndra had almost given up on ever receiving an answer.

_He is in Ionia. _

As much as Syndra wished it were possible for her to slap the shadow, she had to give it credit; it was answering her questions, at least.

"_Where_ in Ionia? Why isn't he here?"

_I am not at liberty to disclose._

Syndra smiled ruefully; of course it wasn't. But this wasn't her problem, and she'd involved herself enough already. Her headache flared, and she waved a hand at where the shadow had been sitting, hoping it would understand.

"Leave. It's no matter to me where he chooses to go."

It laughed, not sounding like it had moved at all.

_Quite the lover's quarrel. He will return shortly._

Syndra hated the relief that followed the shadow's dismissal, choosing to attribute it more to the fact that the shadow was leaving than anything else. It was ridiculous; she _just_ returned home, and already the shadow was breathing down her neck, already Zed was coming back. She needed time to think, she needed time to forget… She needed time away from Zed.

Or so she told herself.

* * *

"Shen hasn't joined yet, then."

_No, but he means to. Akali joined first to make certain that you were there._

Zed's fingers clenched into a fist, itching for something to hit.

"How could they have known? I decided the morning Syndra left to join the League myself."

He was surprised the shadow didn't laugh, especially given his answer.

_Akali assumed the… partnership, was strong enough. She informed the elders of it, and knew once you joined the League she and Shen could join and be protected. _

Unbelievable. Zed shook his head, hoping the longer he denied the more likely it was that this problem would disappear.

"But she didn't know I would join for certain. This plan of hers was based on nothing but speculation. Weak speculation, at best."

_But she was right. _

His fingers twitched again, aching for something to destroy.

Or someone.

Akali wouldn't get away with this. He'd spent too much to get here for something as insignificant as the League to get in his way. She would not win. _Shen_ would not win.

"She has _never_ been right."

* * *

Syndra set the tea in her hands on the table in front of her, blowing the steam off the surface and trying to ignore the stares.

It wasn't working.

She'd never been in the dining hall of the order with the students before; it was much too crowded, for one thing, and easily the loudest place in the order. She was lucky there was a table set a fair distance away from the rest, reducing her discomfort by some small degree. She stared at her tea until the room stopped staring at her, eventually getting up to get food, making sure to take her time.

Because she was hiding, in a way.

The shadow had been to see her that morning, delivering a quick, succinct warning; _Expect Zed by noon. _At least, she assumed it was a warning, or the shadow probably wouldn't have told her at all. Things were not good between her and Zed, with the way she left him. She hadn't had a chance to talk to him since the fight, and there had been so much yelling… so here she was, hiding in the dining hall, hoping the crowded room would be good enough to deter another fight from happening.

Syndra pushed her food around her plate, her stomach suddenly in knots. Fighting with Zed was… terrible, to say the least. She didn't know what to say to fix what had happened; she didn't know what to say to get him to change his mind. How could he possibly still want to pursue the Kinkou after what happened? If Zed still went after Akali, the League would protect her; he was prepared to die for her life.

But she wasn't prepared to lose him.

Syndra's tea cup trembled in her hands, distorting her reflection. He was being so _irrational. _How could he possibly justify throwing his life away for this? It was selfish; he wasn't thinking about anything except being bested by Akali, and she was hard pressed to make him see reason. He couldn't do this to her now, not after everything was just going back to normal…

Syndra was too focused on not eating her food to be aware of the room suddenly going quiet, finally noticing when someone sat in the only other chair at her isolated table. She kept her eyes still carefully set on her tea, addressing her company in a low murmur.

"Where have you been?"

It had been a very, very long time since she'd demanded answers from Zed, but it had been just as long since he kept a secret from her. She waited through a heavy silence, becoming more and more impatient.

"Why are you here?"

He was quick to answer this time.

"I live here."

She was much too angry to have any patience for his sarcasm, and she tapped her fingers against the table, trying to curb her annoyance before answering.

"Now is not the time, Zed."

Her eyes were still on the table so she couldn't see his expression, but his voice was much more serious.

"We need to talk."

Syndra supposed it could be worse; they weren't fighting, at least.

"There is nothing to say."

She knew she wasn't being fair, exactly, but she wouldn't compromise on this particular issue; Zed was wrong. Killing Akali, Shen, any of the Kinkou, was wrong, and there was nothing he could say to change her mind.

"Syndra."

She finally looked up, regretting the decision. It was harder to avoid talking to him when she wasn't solely focused on her untouched food.

"Have you changed your mind?"

The corner of his mouth twitched as if he was about to answer, or lie, but again, he was silent. Syndra shook her head, and shoved away from the table.

"This is _not_ my fight."

Her voice carried over the din, much louder than she intended; the whole room was watching her this time, but with fresh anger making her lip curl, she hardly even noticed.

Her plan clearly hadn't worked.

She thought it was Zed who would end up losing his patience first, but she underestimated how quickly his ignorance would anger her. He hadn't thought about things at all; he was just going to keep trying to convince her that what he was doing was right, despite all the evidence to the contrary.

What was she supposed to do?

If he was truly set on doing this, on killing the Kinkou, could she actually let him go alone? She couldn't stay here while he went off to die, but she meant what she said. This wasn't her fight, at all. She had no place in this conflict.

But Zed was determined.

She'd been almost unconsciously walking to the apartment, only fully realizing when she pushed open the door. It probably wasn't a good idea to come here; Zed would just follow her, and there was nothing here to dissuade them from fighting. She was too tired for a repeat of what happened at the Institute, and she wanted more than anything to curl up in the dark like she always did when she was avoiding her problems.

The door opened behind her, putting an end to any plans of hiding out somewhere else; he was standing in front of the door, regardless. Syndra was still finding it difficult to look him in the eye, focusing instead on a point on the door behind him.

"This _does _concern you."

Syndra was inclined to disagree, but she waited for Zed to explain instead of interrupting him.

"She is the reason you were forced to join the League; Selvi told her about us, and she told your elders."

This was news to Syndra; she'd thought that it was her fault the elders knew about them, that something she said to Karma or Irelia had been used to condemn her, but this… it made sense, at least.

"What does it matter now? Selvi is dead, and I've already joined the League. We cannot change that."

Zed stepped a little closer, voice much louder than before.

"She will not stop. This was nothing to her, just one victory in what she hopes to be many."

It was after that explanation that Syndra realized she and Zed were looking at this problem from very different angles; he was taking it personally, as an attack from Akali that would never end. The way Syndra saw it, the Kinkou were being slaughtered. She knew Zed had his order tracking them down; that was why he was gone for that year… Akali wasn't trying to win. She was trying to _survive. _

"You're too biased to see the situation as it is. Akali isn't trying to claim victory over you, she's-"

Zed shook his head, and cut her off.

"You don't know her at all. You don't know enough about the Kinkou to defend them."

Syndra's fingers twitched in anger.

"How _could_ I know? You seem to conveniently forget that you avoid telling me as much as possible."

This was bad; neither of them could stay calm, and things were progressing to becoming worse than their last fight.

"I tell you what is necessary."

Syndra threw her hands up; the selfishness was unbelievable.

"But _you_ decide! That isn't how the truth works!"

She ran her hands through her hair, trying not to tug at it like she usually did when she was upset.

"Zed, try for once to see it as I do. This is all for _revenge._ You will die pursuing this."

Zed tilted his chin back, straightening his posture.

"I will die for what's right."

How could he be so _blind?_ His arrogance made her furious, furious enough to scream, furious enough to slap him.

So she did.

Or would have, if he didn't catch her hand, mere inches away from his cheek. She could feel the fingers around her wrist beginning to bruise the skin but said nothing, neither of them breaking eye contact. He didn't look angry at least; troubled, if anything, subtle enough that Syndra almost thought she was imagining it. Zed kept her hand there until all the anger fell from her features, and for the first time since she was a girl, Syndra felt tears sting her eyes.

"I can't let you die."

Her whisper finally elicited an expression from Zed, prompting him to release her aching wrist but pull her closer, wrapping her completely in his arms, making it easy for her to bury her blurry eyes against his chest. She would have given anything to keep him here forever; to convince him that the revenge he wanted so badly wasn't worth it. She could only thread her arms around his waist and try to appreciate that for now, they weren't fighting; for now, they were alive and safe and together.

She only wished things could stay that way.

* * *

Syndra padded lightly out to the main room of the apartment, closing the bedroom door behind her as quietly as possible. She pulled her chair up to one of the windows, sinking against the cushion and fighting back a yawn.

She hadn't been able to sleep, unlike Zed who had been out for hours, since he returned from training. She could have gone with him, she supposed, but she was still raw from their fight earlier, and wanted to have time alone to think.

Maybe too much time. She tried to think through the situation once more, considering every angle presented to her, but her opinion didn't change. Deep down, she knew this was wrong. She couldn't control Zed; she had never tried when he previously went after the Kinkou, but this time was different. They were part of the League; that meant Zed was no longer free to do whatever he wanted. He couldn't kill another champion.

So Akali and Shen were off limits.

This should matter to Zed, he should be able to see why his feud with the Kinkou was effectively over, but he couldn't. He couldn't move passed his anger, and Syndra apparently didn't matter enough to him to convince him otherwise.

She held her arm up to the window, tilting it to catch the moonlight. She traced a finger over the bruises circling her thin wrist, surprised at how far the purple was spread. She knew Zed wasn't trying to hurt her, even given the fact that she was inches away from slapping him, but they'd hardly even been fighting and this happened. What would it be like if they really got angry?

Maybe she would end up doing the Kinkou's work for them.

Syndra tucked her sore arm under the uninjured one, keeping it out of sight and out of mind.

She wouldn't let this happen.

She vowed then and there, that she would never let the League or the Kinkou divide them again. She wouldn't let Zed do this, either; Zed was _hers._

She would not let him die.


	10. Chapter 10

**_A/N: A little bit on the short side, but it didn't take me 9 years! Hopefully more to come soon._**

**_AYEX- Thank you! They are a rather selfish pair, don't you think?_**

**_Ulcaasi- Gotta love a good fight. I'd like to think they take turns being big babies._**

**_CorporalNoob- Aw, I'm sorry! I'm a big Zed fan myself, so don't worry. Everything (probably) will work out and he won't be so retarded._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Good to hear! Make sure to relax more, exams are no fun. Thank you :] _**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Cliffhangers are my thing though :/ Thanks! Glad you like it. I'll definitely give it a read when I get the time. Ah, poor Selvi. No longer around to cause lots and lots of trouble. _**

**_As always, enjoy and thanks for reading! (also leave a review, it's good for the soul)_**

* * *

_"Go home, Akali."_

_Akali crossed her arms over her chest, her body language making it clear she wasn't going anywhere. She didn't come all this way just to be sent home; it wouldn't say much about her convictions if she gave up that easily. _

_"You know I won't leave."_

_Zed studied her expression; chin tilted upwards, eyes begging him to challenge her. It was little more than childish arrogance._

_"Does Shen know you're here?"_

_She didn't answer, but her brows pulled into a deeper frown and one of her eyes twitched. She'd come to Zed's order on her own volition; the last thing she needed was permission from Shen. She wasn't a child. _

_Zed watched her face, every emotion clearly written there. Akali thought she was much more in control than she was; it had taken one simple question to disarm her, and Zed was almost disappointed in how easy it was to manipulate her._

_Almost. _

_He let her stand there for a moment more, letting her struggle to keep her expression straight and really considering the situation. Akali was smart, and relatively gifted. She would make a promising student, at the very least._ _She was clearly eager to prove something, and to prove it at the order. If that was what she really wanted, who was Zed to deny her?_

_One last person to consult. _

_Zed inclined his head at his shadow, who had come to stand behind Akali. He returned the nod, effectively giving his approval. Zed held his hand out to Akali, who still hadn't noticed the shadow behind her but had managed to finally get her expression under control, clasping Zed's outstretched hand with her own._

_"Welcome to the Order of Shadows."_

* * *

Zed shook his head at the map in his hands, scrutinizing the location of every mark. It didn't look right; the marks were too far and few between, so unlike what he had come to expect of the Kinkou.

"What do you think of it?"

_I think your informant is lazy. _

Zed was inclined to agree; it was too dangerous to have his usual patrols out, and his replacement was rather… unconventional. But he didn't have any other options. He rolled the map up with a sigh, handing it back to the shadow; there was nothing new to learn from it now, and Syndra would be awake soon regardless. He waved a hand at his shadow in a parting gesture, relieved that at least it could get some work done while he handled the order.

"We need more information. Find her."

_My pleasure._

* * *

Syndra rolled over, stretching a hand across the bed, her searching fingers moving through empty space. It took her a few minutes to realize that she should have encountered another person. She groaned into her pillow, reluctantly pulling back one eyelid to check the window; still dark, but lightening, not far off from dawn. Too early for Zed to be up. Too early for _her_ to be up. Normally, she would have gone right back to sleep, but with the way things have been lately… His disappearance was suspicious.

She listened carefully now, mostly awake; the bathroom was dark and silent, and there was no noise coming from the living room, either. She dragged herself out of bed, tiptoeing to the door and pulling it open very, very carefully, peering around the edge.

Empty.

There was only one torch lit in the room, set far away enough from the bedroom door as to hide its light. Syndra stepped into the doorway , and frowned at the room. The order was asleep. There was nothing that Zed needed to attend to right now; for a few hours, at least, he should be here.

So where was he?

Syndra flicked her fingers to the corners of the room, allowing her spheres to cut through the darkness in lieu of lighting more torches. She didn't know why, but for whatever reason, Zed didn't want her to know he was gone; she didn't want Zed to know she'd figured it out, so she had to be quick. Fortunately for her, the apartment wasn't very large. She walked around the room, inspecting the chairs, the tea table, the miniscule kitchen. She even checked underneath the cushions.

Nothing.

She stuck her hands on her hips, frowning at the chairs. It occurred to her a little late that what she was doing was futile; she was expecting Zed of all people to leave behind evidence. She shook her head, beginning to wave away her spheres when she heard a noise outside the apartment door.

Voices.

She couldn't make it out at first; clearly Zed, but it was too quiet for her to understand. She edged backwards, towards the bedroom, her last sphere blinking away. She was just about to close the door behind her when Zed's voice, for one moment, was loud enough to hear.

"Find her."

Syndra didn't have time to really consider what - or who- he was talking about; she shut the bedroom door, sliding into bed and doing her best to slow her breathing it make it seem like she was still fast asleep.

Find her.

No, she didn't need time to think about what he meant; Zed could only be talking about one person.

Find Akali.

* * *

Zed closed the bedroom door behind him, pausing when the slight click made Syndra shift beneath her blanket. She sighed quietly, but didn't wake up, and Zed eased on to the bed, enjoying, for the moment, the feeling of closing his eyes.

He was exhausted. He'd been up all night and the night before with his shadow, trying to sort through what little information his contact had given him. At least now, he was finished. He wouldn't have anything new to worry about for what he hoped was a decent amount of time.

He relaxed further into the pillows, gently laying an arm over Syndra's waist and breathing in the smell of roses.

It was nice not to worry.

* * *

Syndra woke up at the same time she usually did the next morning, stretching happily across the bed. She hadn't forgotten about Zed; she would find out what he was up to, but all in good time.

This was usually the time they both went to meditate, or order training, but today Syndra didn't let Zed leave; she noted the dark circles underneath his eyes, and decided to pull him back into bed and into a kiss. Finding out what Zed was sneaking around for would come later, but for now…

"Let's stay in today."

* * *

_Akali swept the feet out from underneath her opponent, holding her Kama up to his nose. She was breathing heavily, but smiling just the same; another victory._

_"I win."_

_Zed watched with the same critical eye he used when observing any of his students, noting every flaw in her posture. She was correct, marginally; she'd won the duel with this particular student, but as usual, stopped thinking beyond that. She had lowered her defenses, thinking she was done, and Zed used the opportunity to try and teach her this specific lesson once and for all. _

_He let his shadow do the honor; it stepped behind her, felling her in the same moved she had used on the student still sprawled across the floor. She gasped when she hit the ground, immediately whipping around the scowl at Zed. _

_"I don't understand. I thought I-"_

_Zed interrupted, walking over to pull her off the floor. She knew she had messed up somehow, but she just didn't know when; she thought her fight had been clean enough. _

_"Understand one thing; impatience. To win, you must always remember where you are and what is around you. You can never let your guard down."_

_Akali nodded, trying to commit the advice to memory; she would learn to be patient, and then she would never fail. _

_"I will remain focused."_


	11. Chapter 11

**_A/N: Soso sorry. Don't hate me :c I really am trying not to take forever, despite all evidence to the contrary._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Thank you! Please do rest- I know stressing over exams and everything always got to me, and it wasn't always easy to remember to relax._**

**_TheBosnianWizard- I do agree that they would be lost without each other- they are a very one of a kind type of couple. I like Syndra's definition in Urban Dictionary :D it fits her. _**

**_Moi- Oh god. I failed you._**

**_Ulcaasi- Ninjas are very, very sneaky ;]_**

**_CorporalNoob- Deatherino? Good idea… :]_**

**_SilentWolfx- I always want your cookies! I was kidding. But you should make sure you get more sleep :S Of course I've read the comic! That was the last thing that really slapped the otp in my face. I was done for after that. SYNDRA. SHIP SYNDRA. Please don't cry!_**

**_Chickenchops- I specialize in the feelz._**

**_The Greek Geek3010- Harsh! Poor Akali c:_**

**_Guest- yeah, sorry about that- it was one of my shortest chapters. Hmmm…_**

**_Guest- Trust me, writing the initiation to a lemon and actually writing it are very different, but I may someday._**

**_Alright ! Sorry for the wait, but enjoy!_**

* * *

_Zed paced in front of the gathered students, deciding what to do with them next. It was still early in the day; plenty of time for more hands on training. _

_"Sparring. Pick your opposition."_

_The students had done this many times before; it took them hardly any time to partner up, the pairs spreading around and waiting for Zed to give the go ahead._

_All except for one. _

_Akali watched the students split up around her, lip curled with her usually haughty arrogance. Zed could see it on her face; she was going to be difficult about this. He slowly approached her, trying to ignore how much the superior expression on her face annoyed him. _

_"Are you not participating?"_

_She crossed her arms, and tilted her chin at him._

_"I've sparred with everyone here, and I have never lost. This is pointless."_

_Zed's mouth twitched, the only giveaway to his impatience. He supposed he wasn't surprised that Akali was making training a problem again, but today, he wasn't in the mood to tolerate it. _

_"You think you are better than the rest of the students?"_

_At least she didn't second guess herself._

_"Yes."_

_Zed stared her down until her expression faltered, then left the space the students had made around her, moving to the side of the training ground where the weapons were stored. He took out just one blade, giving it a moment's careful inspection before affixing it to his arm._

_"Very well."_

_He fastened the last strap, testing it in one quick swipe before going back to Akali. She was all alone now; the rest of the students had separated, moving to the sides of the training ground and creating one large, open area in which Akali was the center focus. _

_"I will be your sparring partner. Retrieve your weapon."_

_This, at last, wiped the smugness from her face; she swallowed, and very nearly argued, instead moving to collect her Kamas from where she left them and joining Zed once more. They bowed to each other, custom before sparring, and then slipped into ready stances. Akali was clearly nervous; she adjusted her grip on the hilts of her Kamas several times, and the muscles in her legs twitched in anticipation. _

_The duel was over before it began. _

_Akali waited too long; she let her nerves control her actions and gave Zed the split second he needed to take control. He stepped to her, using one swift jab to disarm her, one more to her midsection to cripple her, one slice with the blade to leave her crouched on the floor, nursing a shallow incision. All of this was completed in one, fluid motion, lasting mere seconds. The training area was silent while Akali panted, and Zed pressed the tip of the blade to her neck, tilting her chin back so that she had no choice but to look at him. _

_"Never hesitate."_

_He wasn't done just yet; he leaned closer, close enough that her ragged breath brushed his face and the other students had no hope of overhearing._

_"And __**never**__ question me again."_

* * *

"This is not the way I wanted to do it, you know."

Akali _did_ know; deception really wasn't Shen's thing, but it wasn't like he had a choice.

"I thought that I would be able to reach him… before any of this. Before anyone else had to die."

Like usual, Akali didn't say anything. Shen's views of Zed had always been a little… biased, and pointing that out rarely did her any good.

"Maybe it's been too long… the shadows have corrupted him too much."

Akali thought Shen was conveniently forgetting how corrupted Zed was before he fully adopted the shadows, but again, it never really helped to point it out.

"The League will protect us, but it can't save Zed."

No. No it could not.

"And this witch. What of her?"

Personally, Akali didn't think too much of Syndra; her problems were with her own elders, not the Kinkou. And given the time, Akali was convinced they would destroy each other.

"She is nothing."

Akali could tell he disagreed, but he still wasn't thinking clearly. He would blame Zed's entire downfall on Syndra, if he could.

Shen shook his head, sighing in very poorly concealed misery. It was impossible for him to be happy when Zed was so close but so far away from the friend he knew so many years ago.

"I do not understand."

But Akali did, to an extent. Shen may never give up the tenuous hope of saving Zed, but she had; long, long ago. There was only one way to save him now. Akali tried her best to comfort him, saying the most she had in weeks about the subject.

"I learned never to question him or his motives. You would be wise to do the same."

* * *

_Bored?_

Syndra didn't want to answer, but she really w_as_ bored.

"Clearly."

She slumped further in her chair, watching her spheres slowly, lazily make their way across her field of vision. She wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting here, watching the rotations, but her eyes were begging to droop and she was having a hard time staying awake.

She needed something to do.

"Let's play a game."

She didn't really give the shadow time to consider the offer, just continued the sentence in almost the same breath.

"You tell me."

She lazily swept one hand between them, never bothering to move her eyes away from her spheres.

"What Zed is hiding."

The following silence was expected; the shadow's answer was not.

_A rather poor game._

Syndra was inclined to agree, but her patience was wearing thin. Zed was naturally good at covering his tracks, and after weeks of nothing new to go on, she was growing frustrated. She really thought she would have figured it out by now.

"But you do know."

He shadow laughed, laced heavily with derision.

_Of course._

The response made her fingers twitch, and if she wasn't so tired, she might have tried to break something. She didn't really expect the shadow to tell her anything, but she underestimated how badly it would frustrate her when it didn't give her what she wanted.

_How it must burn._

Syndra scowled, sending a sphere through the shadow's wispy form with the slightest flick of her wrist. The corners of her lips pulled down even more after the murkiness reconvened, and the sick laughter was louder than ever.

"You're useless."

_Am I?_

Syndra nodded immediately, but the shadow wasn't done speaking.

_You overestimate your own worth._

Syndra shrugged. Unusually insulting, coming from the shadow, but she would manage.

If only she could manage to find out what Zed was doing.

* * *

_Akali lifted her arm, blocking her opponents hand with her wrist the moment before it would have connected. She followed the movement with an offensive strike of her own, disabling her partner and finally winning the duel. She considered gloating, for a moment; this was the fastest she'd beaten this particular student before, and he was rather well known, but she could practically feel Zed's stare, carefully cataloguing every one of her actions._

_She lowered a hand, clasping it with her fallen partner's and lifting him off the ground, bowing at the same time he did. _

_"Well fought."_

_A few weeks ago, she might have bragged. A few weeks ago, she would have embarrassed herself in front of Zed for no reason other than shallow pride. _

_But she was different. _

_She glanced over her shoulder, meeting Zed's gaze for the smallest of moments, and in that moment, received something she'd been working weeks to earn._

_A nod of approval._

* * *

"You are late."

The woman Zed addressed took the seat across from him, leaning over the table, her next words practically a purr.

"Indulge me."

With Ahri, that's all Zed ever really did; indulge her whims for information halfheartedly recovered, that was hardly ever useful. It was exhausting.

"Anything new?"

Ahri tapped her lip, humming to herself as if she really had to think about the answer.

"That man you had me follow."

She unrolled the map on the table, running a fingernail over the top corner.

"He left this camp. He has not returned to Ionia."

Even though Zed's stomach twisted, he wasn't surprised. He had expected Shen to join the League, and soon. But with Shen out of Ionia, he no longer had a use for Ahri's services.

"Is that all?"

She grinned, and the tips of one of her tails flicked in a motion Zed usually associated with her being upset.

" I suppose I'll be leaving now."

Zed didn't say anything, just let her collect herself and followed her out of the room. Even though Ahri hadn't brought him good news, it was almost a relief to hear it; at least he knew where Shen was.

At least he wouldn't have to deal with Ahri anymore.

She was pleasant enough, but Zed didn't like working with people outside of the order, and Ahri had a certain… aura, almost. She couldn't be trusted, not fully, and that made Zed nervous about recruiting her at all.

She turned a few paces out of the doorway, tails fanning behind her.

"It was a pleasure working with you."

Zed wasn't sure if she was trying to simper of if that was normally the way she said goodbye, but he declined to answer either way, opting instead to make sure she really left. As the last of her tails disappeared around the edge of the temple, it occurred to Zed once more how much of a relief it was that for the time being, he didn't have to worry about Shen. Even if he couldn't pursue him now, he knew where he was. Shen was trapped; it was only a matter of time before Zed found the perfect opportunity to strike. But for now…

It would be nice to see Syndra.

* * *

_You win the game._

Syndra rubbed her eyes, the quiet voice just hardly rousing her from sleep. She leaned forward in her chair, groaning at the ache the terrible position had left in her lower back.

"What?"

_I surrender._

At this, Syndra perked up; surrender? Since when did the shadow ever let anyone else win?

"Excuse me?"

It didn't even laugh, just hovered by the door and waited for her to move. Syndra didn't like this; there was definitely something the shadow was getting out of the situation, but if she really found out what Zed had been doing…

It was worth it.

She shrugged, ignoring her sore limbs and hauling herself out of the chair, letting herself out of the room and allowing the shadow to lead. It took her far away from the apartment, almost on the complete opposite side of the order, to a small temple very dimly lit from the inside. She didn't recognize the room; she'd never been to this particular temple before, and she'd never had a reason to come this far away from the main part of the order.

So why had the shadow brought her here?

The shadow stopped at the corner of one outer wall, waving a hand towards the other side. She followed the motion, carefully peering around the edge, ignoring the part of her brain that screamed how ridiculous it was that she was sneaking around the order, trying to spy on Zed.

It was a good thing she was ignoring it.

Zed was following a woman out of the temple, awfully close to several tails and long, dark hair. Even though she sauntered away almost immediately, Syndra's mouth screwed up, her stomach suddenly feeling painfully empty. Of all the things she'd assumed Zed was up to, this was definitely not one of them. Whoever the woman was, whatever she was… _doing_, with Zed, was far from expected.

She stepped around the corner, no longer making an effort to hide; if Zed was really paying attention he would have known she was there, but he was currently too busy watching whoever that woman was walking away to notice anything else.

This certainly didn't feel like winning.

Syndra stood there until he turned around, wishing very badly at that moment that she had a mask like he did; it was easy for him to hide whatever it was that he felt right now, but Syndra's turmoil was written clearly across her face, her features twisting uncomfortably.

"Syndra, ple-"

She shook her head, and for a second, neither of them moved.

"No, not this time."

What had been anguish before was anger now, and Syndra was surprised she could stop herself from yelling.

"Don't ask me to understand your motives and forgive your actions. I've tried, Zed, but it never ends with you."

No, she couldn't see Zed's expression, but she hoped whatever was on her face was enough for them both.

"I will never understand."

* * *

_Akali walked briskly to the smaller of the meeting halls, glancing over the paper in her hands one last time. It was a new training schedule, an idea she'd had for a couple of weeks that she had finally gotten around to refining. She wanted to find Zed before training started, the only free time either of them really had, and if she wanted to have a chance to explain her idea she would have to move faster._

_Here it was. _

_The temple door was shut, masking almost every quiet voice coming from inside. Akali hesitated outside of the door, suddenly second guessing herself. Should she interrupt? She wasn't aware of a meeting today, but then again, she wasn't partial to all of what happened at the order. She would have turned around, if not for one word being unmarred by the door._

_"…. Kinkou…"_

_Akali pressed further against the door, making every effort to stay completely silent. _

_"They remain a problem as long as Shen and his father reign over them."_

_Zed's voice. The response from whoever else was in the room was much too quiet for her to hear, but she didn't need to hear more than that. She thought things might be different, that Zed had left the Kinkou for good…_

_Akali gasped when the door against her cheek was yanked back, quickly straightening up and away from whom was now standing in its place. Zed's face was pulled into a frown, and Akali was surprised at how far from furious the expression was- not quite the reaction she had expected from ease dropping. _

_"Akali, let me-"_

_She stepped away, shaking her head with every step._

_"Explain? No."_

_Whatever he wanted with the Kinkou, whatever he was planning, Akali would not be a part of it. She would __**never**__ be a part of anything Zed did again. _

_"Because I will never understand."_


	12. Chapter 12

**_A/N: Hello friends! A bit of a longer chapter, and I feel like I didn't overkill the lateness this time (hopefully)._**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Ah yes- My plan._**

**_The Greek Geek3010- You like?_**

**_CorporalNoob- Shout out to Vlad for having the worst in game voice of every champ- I refuse to play him without using Blood Lord._**

**_Ulcaasi- If it's painful, it's happening._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Yeah I think it was a little all over the place, because I was kind of trying to get a lot of things to happen all in one chapter. Not my best idea. You poor, poor soul. My heart goes out to you._**

**_Chickenchops- I know, right? :[_**

**_LEJesusPesus- More for you! Please don't die._**

**_xSilentWolf- IT WOULD BE A LOT EASIER TO WRITE FLUFF IF I HAD COOKIES._**

**_Interesteddude- I'm with you- I usually root for people to get their revenge (and I'm not a huge Shen fan myself). Criticism is fine! I agree with the flashbacks being too frequent. I think I just got excited to write it, and didn't space it out correctly. Zed didn't kill Akali because she was his favorite student and even though she left, he didn't hate her, he only hated her when he found out she had rejoined the Kinkou. Aww not fair! I had several plans for Selvi, and not all of them ended up with him being dead; I just liked that one the most. That was my favorite scene to write between Selvi and Zed- I am a terrible person. Fast update for you, hopefully!_**

**_Alright! Thanks for reading, review if you love me lots, and enjoy!_**

* * *

Syndra didn't expect to be back here so soon.

She had to admit though; the Institute was growing on her. Maybe less the Institute and more the library, but regardless, she didn't dread the voyage as much as she had the first time, and without the two murderously angry ninjas, Syndra had a considerable amount of quiet time to herself.

The library never even closed.

With the single stipulation of not being able to eat or drink inside of it, she could stay there as long as she wished, and she'd quickly become accustomed to collecting several books and then falling asleep sometime later in one of the oversized armchairs.

It was amazing how easy it was for her to pretend to forget everything else.

For Syndra, things hadn't been this peaceful since… Since she met Zed, if she was being honest. But what had she really expected? Did she think she could involve herself with someone like that and somehow avoid the trouble he dragged himself into? Or did she really think she would be able to remain distant enough that she could leave whenever she chose?

Clearly, neither thought process applied now.

Syndra stared at the book in her lap, trying to reread the last paragraph for what felt like the hundredth time; so much for concentrating on other things. It had been easy enough to leave Ionia when Zed was right in front of her, trying to explain away some lie or another, but now that she was here…

Maybe she should have let him explain.

Because if it was her- if she had done something behind Zed's back that would have looked terrible to anyone else, she would want the chance to explain herself. Who else in the world would understand better than Zed? But on the other hand… How many times could she let him do this? She couldn't condone lying, and that's what he was doing - over and over. It was hard to convince herself that he deserved a chance when all he had done was prove that he didn't.

"Excuse me."

Syndra jerked in surprise, closing the book in her lap and glancing upwards. It was the blonde who ran the front desk; she had a stack of books in the crook of her arm, and she was pointing at the pile that Syndra still had at her feet.

"Are you finished?"

Syndra stared at her, forgetting for a moment that an answer was expected. The girl frowned awkwardly, beginning to back away.

"Or not… Sorry to interrupt."

Syndra shook her head, finally concentrating enough to answer.

"I am finished, my apologies."

She looked back down her at her book, thumbing through the pages in search of where she left off, trying to ignore the fact that even though the girl had added her books to the stack in her arms, she hadn't left.

"Are you alright?"

Her voice wasn't as timid as Syndra would have expected, so it was harder for her to tell the girl to go away.

"I am quite fine."

Syndra expected her to leave then, so she was surprised when she put all of her books back on the floor and settled into the armchair next to her.

"Relationship problems?"

Syndra frowned, once again snapping the book in her lap shut.

"Excuse me?"

The girl was smiling despite the venom in Syndra's tone, and even though she had no interest in continuing the conversation, there was something in the girl's expression that made Syndra feel a little less miserable than she was before.

"It's all over your face. What did he do?"

Her assumption made Syndra feel the need to defend herself, and Zed, however ridiculous that was.

"He did not _do_ anything."

And even though Syndra shot her down, the girl's grin only got wider.

"So there _is_ a he."

Syndra rolled her eyes; not the brightest of deductions, but annoying nonetheless.

"Enough…"

She waved her hand at the blonde in lieu of her name, hoping that would be enough for the hint to sink in.

"Lux."

Great.

"Lux, then. We are finished talking."

She still hadn't moved, and by now, her persistence was outlasting Syndra's annoyance.

"It might help to talk, you know. It's easier with strangers."

Syndra stared at the unwavering smile, finding nowhere in Lux's expression that she had any intention of leaving.

Fine.

"Alright then."

Where should she start? There was certainly no shortage in subjects to bring up, and Lux showed no signs of having somewhere else to be. Maybe she should only stick to what had happened recently; Lux may not have to leave, but Syndra certainly didn't want to stay here talking to her forever.

"He lied."

It wasn't a very good way to start the conversation, but Syndra was still very uncomfortable.

"Lied about what?"

She wasn't about to explain the whole "Zed wants to mercilessly murder the Kinkou" situation to a stranger, so she opted to remain as vague as possible.

"Something of great importance. It is not the first time, either."

Lux tapped her lip, thinking her response through carefully.

"You don't seem like the type to tolerate dishonesty."

Syndra didn't really think she was either, but maybe she wasn't explaining it right.

"Maybe not so much dishonesty as… evasion."

Lux frowned.

"Evasion from what?"

That's the question that Syndra had been asking herself since she left; what exactly was he trying to keep from her? All she had to go on was the fact that for weeks, he had been secretly meeting with whoever that woman was to talk about… what, she didn't know.

"I do not know."

Syndra shook her head, mentally kicking herself for running away before she had gotten any answers at all.

"He tried to explain, but I was so angry. I did not think he deserved the chance."

Lux looked like she mostly understood, despite how little Syndra was really telling her.

"It seems like, to me, you're mad only because this looks like something he's done before. And maybe he doesn't deserve a chance to explain, maybe this is like the other times, but again… it may not be. It's up to you to decide whether or not you think it is."

Syndra was frustrated with the answer; it wasn't anything she hadn't thought of herself.

"But how do I decide that? It would be poor form of me to allow it if this really was the same situation as before."

Because how many times would Syndra have to find out he was not giving up on the Kinkou for it to finally be enough? She had made up her mind; if he didn't stop, if he wanted to die for this, then she would have no part in it.

"You miss him. You're unhappy right now. I think maybe it would benefit you most if you stopped running and gave him a chance."

Maybe… but there was one thing Syndra was forgetting.

"There was a woman…"

Lux nodded almost knowingly, but smiled just the same.

"Well, no worries there. You're a fox."

Syndra rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the unintended irony in Lux's compliment and focus instead on her advice. Maybe she didn't have to worry about the mystery woman- and maybe she really should go back to see Zed. At least then, she would know for sure what was going on, instead of making up different scenarios in her head.

But this would be the last time.

She couldn't keep letting Zed do what he wanted, to lie whenever he wanted. She had always been truthful to him, and if he couldn't return the favor, then he didn't deserve any more chances.

"I do miss him."

Lux beamed, leaving her chair and picking her pile of books off the floor.

"Well there! Hopefully that helped. Best of luck!"

She disappeared into the forest of book shelves, and Syndra made sure she could no longer hear her footsteps to smile to herself.

It would be nice to go back home.

* * *

_What did you expect?_

Zed wanted to say he expected the shadow not to tell Syndra anything , but admitting he placed any trust in it at all would be a mistake.

"I expect you to disappear."

_Perhaps a little less deceit._

He would never say that the shadow had a point… but it wasn't wrong. He shouldn't have lied to Syndra; he didn't want to, but having to tell her everything he was doing, having to explain himself when she thought he was wrong…

It was new.

Zed was a leader, and owing explanations to someone else was something he'd last experienced when he was part of the Kinkou, a part of his life he was not eager to relive. He didn't think he should feel obligated to anyone, but if he really considered, Syndra was the only person he would ever deem as someone who deserved it.

If he didn't want to lose Syndra, he would have to change. Period. He had changed so much already since meeting her, and if this was the last thing he had to do…

He would do it.

"Where is she?"

_She will be in Bilgewater tomorrow._

Zed's mouth twisted; Bilgewater was his least favorite part of the journey to the Institute, but he didn't want to wait any longer, and if he left tonight, he might make it there when she did.

Hopefully.

"To Bilgewater, then."

* * *

Syndra hated it here.

The entire city felt… smothering, which Syndra mostly attributed to the few, narrow streets and unreal multitude of people who never seemed to have anything to do but flock to all of the side markets, smoking and drinking and endlessly talking. It was nothing like the quiet, clean grace of Ionia, and Syndra never missed home more than when she was forced to stay in this city.

And forced she was; Syndra was still grumbling over the fact that not a single ship was leaving the harbor until morning, no matter who she asked or how much she offered.

At least she arrived to Bilgewater somewhat later than she expected; already night was falling over the city, which seemed to have no effect whatsoever on the noise level. She searched out the inn she and Karma had stayed at when they first left for the Institute, renting a room as quickly as she could and nervously tugging the hood of her shawl over her eyes the entire time, shrewdly eyeing the few inhabitants of the small lobby. No one seemed interested enough to bother her, and it was easy to slip away from the lobby and up to her room without having any unwanted interactions.

Syndra closed the door behind her, allowing the hood to fall and trying to ignore how the humid air was making her skin feel. She fell onto her mattress, grateful that she was tired from a long day's travel, and that she could sleep away the brief remainder of her time here instead of having to find something else to do.

What she would have given to be at the order right now.

It would only be until tomorrow; surely she could survive until then. She closed her eyes, pulling the thin blanket over herself and doing her best to think of how it was going to feel tomorrow night, when she could curl up onto a proper bed, away from all the noise and activity of a big city.

It seemed only natural that there was a knock at the door, breaking what little hold sleep had on her. Syndra kicked away her blanket, tugging the hood of the shawl that she was still shrouded in over her hair, and very reluctantly opening the door.

She recoiled almost immediately, midway through raising a hand curled around a sphere before fingers caught her wrist, giving her time to recognize the dark shape standing in her doorway. She let out a shaky breath, pulling her hand back to her side and letting Zed past her and into the room, quietly closing the door. She stood there for a moment, staring at her hand on the door, unwilling to turn around just yet.

She wasn't entirely surprised.

Zed seemed to always find her when she needed him to, and she _did_ need to talk to him, but she just hadn't thought of what she was going to say yet; she had planned on having the entire journey to Ionia to think about it, and having Zed find her in Bilgewater was clearly not in her arrangement. She was nervous, the fingers still clutching the doorknob just barely kept from shaking.

Syndra pulled her hand away from the door, folding her arms across her chest and refusing to move any farther into the small room; she and Zed stood across from each other, their stances mirrored, nearly identical hoods still pulled over their faces, both equally silent. Syndra wasn't sure what to say; asking why he was here might be a good start, but Zed moved before she could, pulling the coat away from his shoulders and tossing it onto the bed. He shifted uncomfortably, pulling his arms a little tighter against his chest and staring at the floor.

"I came to apologize."

He lifted his eyes to Syndra's before he finished speaking, giving Syndra the chance to make sure what he said was sincere before answering. She appreciated the apology, but before accepting, there was more she needed to know.

"You have a few things to explain."

Zed ran a hand over the back of his neck, sighing quietly and reminding himself that this was the reason he was here; he knew he had to explain himself, and all he had to do was get it over with.

"I have patrols that monitor the Kinkou camps throughout Ionia; since Akali and Shen joined the League, it was risky for my patrols to remain deployed. I sought out Ahri so that I would still have something in the place of my patrols, only a little more… inconspicuous."

It was… not really what Syndra had wanted to hear, but significantly better than any worst case scenario she had come up with.

"And Ahri is…"

At the mention of her name, Zed's posture became even more uncomfortable, and it was a moment before he answered her.

"The woman you saw. Skilled at being able to traverse Ionia without being detected, and very familiar with the land."

What Syndra really wanted was to ask more questions about why exactly Zed picked Ahri over everyone else in Ionia, but jealousy aside, she had bigger concerns.

"You are still bothering with the Kinkou."

It was a disappointed whisper, met with a frown from Zed.

"Shen and Akali can hide, but the rest of the Kinkou cannot."

That was different from what he'd said the last time they were at the Institute. He had sworn to be the end of Akali, whether or not the Institute was in his way, but if he stopped pursuing Akali, if he stopped obsessing over Shen, the rest of the Kinkou would lose his interest. He wouldn't have to kill himself trying to exact revenge.

It was better than Syndra could have hoped for.

"Is that all?"

Zed looked confused, for a moment, worried that there was something more she expected; he was sure he'd gone over everything.

"Yes."

And there was the relief, loosening the knots in Syndra's muscles and letting her finally, _finally_ feel like everything, for now, was alright.

But she had to make sure.

"No more Akali?"

Zed's frown deepened, but for now, he had to agree; as long as Akali was sheltered by the League, she was a dangerous target, too dangerous to currently consider.

All in time.

"No more Akali."

Syndra hated fighting with Zed more than anything, and if what he was saying was true, if he really meant the apology, then they wouldn't have to anymore; already the minor distance between them was too much, and if accepting the apology would erase it, then it was all too easy to say the words.

"Then I accept."

Zed took a step into the room, grabbing one arm Syndra still had pulled tight across her chest and pulling her into his arms.

"I've missed you."

Syndra laid her cheek against Zed's chest, feeling the rumble of the words against her skin. Even though she was stuck in Bilgewater, cringing at the noise still emanating from the streets and the ache in her muscles that seemed to only increase the longer she stayed in the city, she had everything here in this tiny room that she could possibly want.

"And I, you."

She could have stayed there forever, listening to Zed's breathing and relaxing more and more into the embrace, but she really w_as_ tired.

"Will the order miss you badly?"

She wasn't especially worried about his answer; already he was pulling her to the bed, allowing her to curl comfortably against him before once again securing her in his arms.

"They won't tonight."

* * *

Syndra readjusted her position on Zed's shoulder, turning her head so that the thin slivers of moonlight filtering through the small window caught the angles of his face. It highlighted every raised edge of every scar, the angle of his nose, the curve of his lips; Syndra slowly freed one arm, raising a hand to Zed's face and slowly tracing his features with her fingertips. She wasn't being especially careful; even though her touch was light, she could still feel the frequency of his breaths increase, even though he kept his eyes closed and allowed Syndra to continue.

She laid her hand flat against his cheek when she was finished, trying to memorize exactly the way she felt at that moment before either of them moved; tired, but hardly able to keep the smile off her face, the tips of her fingers warm and itching to explore further. To Syndra, it was nothing less than perfect, and no matter what happened the next morning, or week, or whenever, she would never forget that brief moment in the Bilgewater inn when everything in Syndra's world seemed right.

"I love you."

The quietest of whispers, but Zed smiled, closing the meager distance between them and kissing her with an intensity that perfectly befit the moment.

"And I, you."


	13. Chapter 13

**_A/N: Okay- long update, I know, but I've been in such a slump lately and really unmotivated to do anything creative, especially writing. I'm sorry the chapter is short and that I took forever, but I hope you enjoy the ~citrus-y fluff while I work through this writers block and figure out what my problem is._**

**_Again, very sorry :c Pls forgive._**

**_CorporalNoob- No one help! Let the cuteness devour you._**

**_Bloody Grimoire- I think it's a little tough for Syndra to get jealous- she's a very confident person :] Ohh I wasn't unintentionally repeating myself; every time they say "I love you." Or "I miss you." I phrase it the same way. I was kind of trying to make it their thing, but if the repetition bothers you or anyone else, I can definitely write it differently :]_**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Lux fit though :S_**

**_Ulcaasi-Skepticism is good- now you'll never actually know if it's too good to be true or if they really will live happily ever after._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Thanks! And anytime. Jesus…. My heart definitely goes out to you. They would do that to us at my old school too- wait to give us like 3 exams in one day right after a break. I wish you the best of luck, and hopefully it's not too miserable._**

**_xSilentWolf- Ugh god, I wish I did too. Good thing you gave me cookie… ;]_**

**_Chickenchops- They are very dysfunctional c: (Also I can't make up my mind-better switch between pissed and loving each other as much as I can.)_**

**_The Greek Geek3010- Oh man, I wish. There would be no writers block if that was the case._**

**_Randomperson- Here it is!_**

**_Lyraa- I'm sorry! Thank you very, very much though- it was really hard to convince myself to write when I was having such a hard time, and I really appreciate you leaving the reviews to remind me. I check my reviews daily, and honestly I really appreciate you leaving more than one. It definitely helped motivate me through this crappy writers block, so thank you again :]_**

**_Alright guys- sorry again, but this is really the worst I've had writers block before and ugh. Just been not so fun. Sorry for the delay and the short chapter, but hopefully you still enjoy! As always, thank you for reading and reviews are most definitely appreciated :]_**

* * *

Syndra couldn't think.

She knew she had something to say; it had been in her mind, on the tip of her tongue hardly seconds ago, but every previous thought running through her head suddenly disappeared.

"Zed."

Syndra's whisper fell on deaf ears; Zed didn't acknowledge that she'd spoken, didn't stop the steady motion of his hips moving against hers. Syndra was sure that what she had wanted to say was important, but every movement brought Zed's face nearer to hers, closer and closer until her lips brushed his and the ragged breath slipping between her teeth mixed with his. Her hands slid around his waist, travelling up his back and stopping in their customary spot at his shoulders, her hands contracting with every new wave of ecstasy that washed through her, her fingers carving familiar lines into his skin. One low, quiet moan was all he gave in way of a response, and he finally connected their lips, pressing his mouth against hers with a pressure that in any other situation would be nothing less than painful.

Presently, Syndra couldn't think of anything else but the ever increasing sensitivity throughout her body, the feeling that every inch of her skin was alive and on fire. The bruised lips, the hand Zed had moving from her ribs to her breast, every sound that indicated they were both being pushed to the edge added to the intensity of the moment, and as much as Syndra tried to cling to the feeling, neither of them could delay for long.

They echoed one last movement together, Syndra clutching his shoulders as if to permanently tether her to him, Zed freeing one hand to knot into her hair, desperately trying to pull her closer as they rode out wave after wave of pleasure. Syndra had absolutely no idea how long the euphoria lasted; all she knew was that everything was trembling and shivering in the most pleasant of ways, that she could vividly feel every spot her skin touched Zed's and that she never wanted to move.

But as much as she willed it to, the feeling wouldn't last forever.

Slowly, the quivering in her limbs ebbed and they parted, both similarly gasping to recover. Syndra released her grip on Zed's shoulders, letting her arms fall to the tangle of sheets around them before lifting a hand to her hair, closing her eyes as she savored the last vestiges of bliss. She tried to even out her breathing, tried to still her pounding heart. She opened her eyes only when Zed moved, disturbing their careful arrangement. He trailed his mouth from her collar bone and up her neck, teeth lightly grazing her skin, ending the slow movement at the corner of her mouth. They both paused, just for a moment; Syndra couldn't see his expression, but she could tell from the kiss that followed shortly after that Zed was every bit as affected as she was, every bit as entranced with her as she was with him.

Syndra certainly didn't want to move, but the night had just barely begun; she had plans with Zed, and with the fine sheen of sweat she was currently covered in, a much needed shower was in order. She gently pushed him away, carefully disentangling herself and rolling off the bed, shaking her hair out behind her and padding off to the bathroom.

"Syndra."

She paused outside of the bathroom door, glancing over her shoulder; Zed was reclining against the pillows on the bed, sheets still tangled around his waist. His posture couldn't be more relaxed, but the look in his eyes was depth and severity, the intensity setting her limbs to trembling once more. Zed's need eventually won out and he removed the blankets, erasing the distance between them faster than Syndra could follow. He cupped her face in his hands, whispered his next words against her lips.

"You are…"

There was no word that could describe the way Syndra looked then, or the way she made him feel, or the perfection of the situation. Nothing he would say then could ever adeptly express what he felt, but it didn't stop him from trying.

"Magnificent."

* * *

Bilgewater was beautiful at night.

The city was open to the sea, every street eventually ending by the bayside. It was even quiet by the water; it was as if Bilgewater's residents loved to watch the moon's light play over the sea as much as she did. She and Zed had quickly found a new favorite activity since deciding to extend their stay in Bilgewater; they would find a spot on the seemingly never ending pier every night and spend the evening dangling their legs over the inky depths, transfixed by the beauty that was so different from the elegance of the country they were used to. In Ionia it was all dark, swaying forests, silent nights and thunderstorms. Bilgewater was a little less refined, perhaps, but made up for it all with the soothing sea and unrivaled view of sunsets. Different, for sure, but Syndra was in love with it all the same.

Currently, she was curled against Zed, inching more beneath his arm when the wind swept the chill of the ocean over her. They were usually content to just sit there, appreciating the view, but tonight felt different to Syndra; she felt as if their time in Bilgewater was coming to a close, despite neither of them having discussed it, and she wasn't quite sure how she felt about it yet. She certainly missed Ionia; Bilgewater was much too busy for her, but the city was still beautiful and interesting, and here she was treated so differently than in Ionia. The busy citizens had never heard of the Dark Sovereign or her violent past, and Syndra was free to go and do what she pleased without the fear of someone recognizing her.

It was unbelievable, in a way, but as much as she enjoyed it, even Syndra had to admit it didn't feel right. Neither of them belonged here, and the longer they stayed the more she felt the need to go.

"Do you miss Ionia?"

Syndra's whisper was especially low, but on the empty pier, it still rang out. Zed shrugged only slightly, his expression unchanged.

"I do not know if miss is the right word, exactly… but I would like to get back to the order."

It was the answer Syndra expected; besides the order, Zed didn't have much in Ionia, and now that she thought about it, neither did she.

"I don't miss it as much as I used to."

Zed surreptitiously glanced down at her, but her gaze was firmly focused on the sea. She tried to explain, not convinced she was conveying her thoughts correctly.

"I do not have the fortress anymore, since…"

She waved a hand, letting the sentence trail off. Ever since Selvi died, ever since she left that hospital, her life had been very, very different. Things weren't as simple as they had been when she first met Zed. It wasn't a complaint, entirely; the relationship she forged with Zed was worth every hardship and every obstacle, but the day she lifted the fortress into the sky was the day she had convinced herself that from then on, life would hers to control, and it wasn't easy for her to accept that she had been terribly mistaken.

Zed frowned at the mention of Selvi. He'd been present in their relationship so early, when Zed was singularly occupied with getting his hands on Shen and not nearly as serious about Syndra as he was now. He had left Syndra; he'd done it with hardly a second thought, the fear of her enigmatic power still fresh in his mind. It was a small comfort to realize that if he was ever faced with a similar situation, the decision would be easy; he would never leave Syndra. Not again.

"The fortress is yours, rightfully. Nothing will keep you from it."

Zed was right; who was Selvi, to take what was hers? It was weak of her to allow his memory to keep her away for so long. It was weak to avoid the problem.

She was tired of hiding.

This was why she felt the need to leave Bilgewater; it was easy to hide here, across the sea, away from anything that had ever or would ever trouble her, but that wasn't the kind of person she was. She would return to Ionia and take back what was hers, and this would be the last she would mention of Selvi. Syndra would beat this.

She always did.

Syndra got to her feet, holding a hand down to Zed and pulling him up, tilting her head back once he stood over her. She was suddenly energetic, eager to get back to Ionia, eager to be back at the order. She smiled at Zed, the moonlight highlighting the excitement on her face.

"Let's go home."


	14. Chapter 14

**_A/n: As always, I apologize for the lateness, but at least this chapter is a teensy bit on the longer side (for me.)_**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Mmmm we already had Selvi, and look how great that turned out_**

**_CorporalNoob- Shoot, you're right. :/_**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Anytime! Ehh I'm sure I'll get over it- everyone does eventually. Thanks!_**

**_Ulcaasi- *heart*_**

**_The Greek Geek 3012- :3 yes, please!_**

**_ChickenChops- Something bad aaaaaalways happens. It's their thing._**

**_SuchGoodFLuff- the fluff…. Was it good?!_**

**_ChloeMorrison- Oh, wow :o thank you for reading it all, and welcome to the OTP! Thank you very much c: Your compliments mean a lot!_**

**_Lyraa- I think we all deserved some good old fluff. C: Yup, I'm on NA! aw c: Also- I appreciate the reminders. It gets my butt into gear when I'm being lazy about finishing a chapter._**

**_REDFATE- Actually I think I'm going to write one when I'm done with the fic, so that you guys have something else to read when I'm finished. I was always going to upload it separately (if I did one) and that seems like a good time to do it. _**

**_PoisonRed- I actually love long reviews, so I appreciate it!_**

**_I have always wondered where the term "lemons" even came from- it seems so weird to me. Thank you c: hopefully when I write one, it comes out okay. I agree with you totally, and what I'm about to say is going to sound like an excuse, but- I am reaaally new at writing stories at length, and I feel like people tend to judge the romantic moments a lot more than other parts of the story, so when I was writing Balancing Shadows I was incredibly vague when it came to that stuff, which I know really took away from the story, but I was pretty hesitant and scared I would completely write the scene wrong and someone would hate it and all that. I'm actually thinking about rewriting Balancing Shadows when I finish the fic completely (whenever that is) and those are the parts I was focusing on the most._**

**_Ahh I just fangirled super hard. Thank you so much! Your compliments really mean a lot, and I take them to heart more than you'd think. I'm right with you- I'm always looking for an opportunity to have one of them really get into using their power, but so far, not so much luck. It's something I'm always thinking about though, so there's hope!_**

**_Not boring in the slightest! Again, I really do like the longer reviews, and I appreciate everything you've said. Thank you very much ^-^_**

**_Alright guys! Review if you'd like, but please enjoy and thank you for reading!_**

* * *

This wasn't easy.

No one had been in the fortress for months; it was silent and dark, empty of anything that could possibly make Syndra feel such trepidation, yet here she was. She hadn't moved since arriving, rooted at the precipice of the fortress, watching the sun slowly crawl away from the buildings. It was very windy where she was standing, and it might have been cold, but Syndra was very, uncharacteristically intoxicated, and the breeze blowing over her skin was entirely combated by the warmth blossoming beneath her skin.

It was a terrible idea.

She couldn't think straight, she couldn't stand straight, and already she was feeling too sick to want to continue the trip. She cursed her stupidity not for the first time, forcing her unsteady legs to carry her forward regardless of whether or not it was a good idea. Coming here was supposed to be cathartic; how was she going to overcome anything if she couldn't even walk in a straight line? She couldn't really leave after hardly being there at all; explaining to Zed why exactly she had nearly drank herself senseless wasn't something that she was particularly excited about, and besides- she really _did_ have to do this eventually. She couldn't keep letting ghosts drive her away from her home.

So she walked on.

She stumbled through the courtyard, ignoring the temples to the sides and heading straight to her room. She made one small detour, stepping to the doorway of her gardens and slowly moving inside. It was darker in the garden than in the courtyard, so it was harder for Syndra to see the flat, long-dead plants around her. The few, brittle leaves that clung to the skinny branches of her favorite tree rattled in the wind, and suddenly the breeze ghosting over her skin made her shiver, leaving a line of goose bumps along her arms. She backed out quickly, sparing the garden no last glance before walking around the corner to her room, where once again she hesitated at the doorway. As appealing as staying outside all night until Zed showed up was starting to feel, she was having a hard time maintaining her upright position, and the longer she stood still the more the wind stole away her warmth. She twisted the doorknob and pushed open the door in one quick motion before she could let fear stall her any longer, practically falling through the doorway and yanking it shut behind her. It smelled different; not like flowers, as it always had, but something flat and cold and unwelcome. She waved several spheres around the room, allowing them to cut through the darkness instead of taking on the ordeal of lighting a torch.

Nothing was different.

Not a single thing was moved; the table, the pillows, her kitchen… everything was intact, although lightly covered in dust and sadly in need of a friendly touch. Syndra closed her eyes, taking a small breath before pushing away from the door, ignoring the room and heading for the stairs. It was only on the second step or so before she realized that in her current state, stumbling up the stairs in the dark would most likely not end well, and she turned away, resigning herself to spend the rest of her stay in the tea room.

Well now that she was confined downstairs, she no longer had a reason not to drown away her anxiety even more.

She headed for the miniscule kitchen, rooting around in the cabinet beneath the basin, smiling shallowly when her fingers brushed the neck of a glass bottle. She clutched the bottle to her chest, then pulled a tea pillow away from the table and dragged it to a corner of the room, slumping against the wall and slowly slinking to the floor. She pulled the bottle closer to her face, struggling to see it in the dim lighting. There was a ribbon knotted around the top; a birthday present from Karma a few years ago and probably well past its prime, but Syndra wasn't quite in the mood to care. Her fingers fumbled around the knot for a good minute before she resorted to using her teeth, pulling the string away in one yank and twisting off the cap. It still smelled fine; light, flowery almost, with a hint of whatever fruit Karma had incorporated when she made it. She wasted no time in tipping the bottle to her lips, taking a small, cautionary taste at first. Dry, but subtly flavored to perfection, and she welcomed the burn of the unfamiliar liquid. Syndra took a longer pull before setting the bottle on the floor, tapping her fingers slowly against the glass.

"I never even knew how old you were."

She wasn't immediately aware that she had voiced the thought; the rough sound echoed quietly through the room, not quite able to puncture the heavy silence. It had never occurred to Syndra before- was Selvi closer to her age, or Zed's? He never mentioned a birthday the year Zed was gone, and she had never thought to ask.

"I hardly thought at all, when it came to you."

She didn't think about how her actions might be perceived to him, she never thought to mention that there was no one else for her but Zed, she never thought to interfere when Selvi was sent again and again to spy on the Kinkou. Syndra twisted her mouth, dragging the bottle to her lips and taking a small sip, swirling the liquid around her mouth before setting it back down.

"I should hate you."

He tried to _kill_ her. Would have succeeded, if Zed hadn't been there. If it were anyone else, Syndra would have been furious, enough so that Selvi never would have gotten as close to ending her life as he had; she would have killed him the moment she had sensed something off that night with no hesitation, no second thoughts, no regrets.

But his death, his downfall… how could she blame that on anyone but herself?

"Well, maybe Akali more so than I."

Whatever Akali had said to him, it had pushed him over the edge, and Syndra was too angry with him to see, too angry to help when he needed it the most. Fresh anger puckered her lips, and Syndra buried the thoughts in another pull of the rice wine.

"I _do_ hate you. You make me appear weak. You chased me from my home."

Syndra's demons didn't respond- the room was heavy with silence, and no matter how much anger she put into the words or much she willed someone to answer, her demands went unrequited.

"What must Zed think, to know that I am sniveling away at the thought of what I've done? He knows as well as I that what we did had to happen; you had to die. Why am I affected so?"

The drink muddled her thoughts, made it difficult for her to formulate answers to her own questions. This is why she needed someone, anyone, to answer, to tell her why this was so hard.

"This is why I chose Zed, even after he left. He would know what to say, yet you remain silent."

Syndra's mind was far beyond reason, unable to see the injustice in her words. But there was some truth- there was never any scenario when Selvi came out on top. It was Zed- it would always be Zed.

"I loved him then, as you loved me. You just couldn't see it."

Selvi neither confirmed nor denied, but Syndra didn't care this time; it wasn't her fault that Selvi had willingly deluded himself into believing something that could never happen, that he had tried to hurt her when things didn't go his way. This was _his_ misdeed. Syndra tipped the bottle once more, wiping her lips with the back of her hand and spitting her next words into the air.

"You deserved it."

Syndra absolved herself from this mess, from the guilt and the pain and the fear. She had what she wanted; she had Zed, alive and here, and she would spend no more of her time wallowing in shame.

"I have Zed."

She didn't drink this time; her fingers traced a ring around the opening of the bottle, but Syndra left it by her side, considering the statement. She _did_ have Zed… now. She would always want him, she would always pick him over anyone else… But what future did she have with Zed? She certainly loved him; more than he did her, most likely, and more than reason dictated, but love was naturally a very flawed and fickle thing, and without it, she and Zed amounted to nothing. Their relationship had proved to be more problematic than anything, and they were both very alike in the sense that they were focused and unhealthily driven people; Zed had his fixations with the Kinkou, Syndra had hers with her power and the Ionia elders.

Without love, there _was_ no future, and a sinking pit in Syndra's stomach told her that love was probably not enough to hold a pair like them together for long. Something would push them apart- be it someone like Selvi, or the Kinkou, or maybe even the elders would get their wish. Syndra had had faith in them, but here, alone in the deserted fortress with her head swimming and regret weighing heavy on her mind, any conviction she had was waning.

"What chance do we stand?"

She was begging Selvi for advice now, instead of answers, but no matter what she asked for he gave nothing in return. She took one last generous swig from the bottle, staring at the way the light from her spheres played across the glass. Her anger came quickly then, supplemented by the fear of losing Zed and fueled by the alcohol, and the fingers that had been lightly holding the bottle constricted in one swift, concise motion, shattering the glass and showering Syndra and the floor with what was left inside. The smell that was pleasant before was overpowering now, making her head swim and her previous nausea impossible to ignore. On top of that, her hand was on fire, lines of red beginning to bleed across her palm.

Syndra didn't panic- she simply shook whatever she could off of her hand and then pushed off the floor, practically tripping her way across the room and carefully, impossibly tackling the stairs. She was half convinced she would die trying to get up them, and half convinced that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing. It was only in amazement that she pushed the door open, stumbling the last few steps to the bed and falling gracelessly to the musty blankets, burying her face into a stray pillow. She pulled off her soaked shirt as an afterthought, throwing it into the dark and immediately relaxing when the smell went with it.

Her head was tilting, the room was tilting, and even though she was sure that she was safely stationary in the bed, everything she could feel was tipping, falling, swirling. Syndra gripped the sheets around her until her fingers ached, adding the fire that was her right hand and silently begging anyone and every to please, just _please,_ make it stop.

If only she could do be so lucky.

* * *

Zed wasn't sure if he had waited long enough.

It was well into the night and he hadn't heard anything from Syndra, which by now was verging on alarming. He wasn't surprised not to find her outside; the courtyard and garden were equally empty, and the door to her home was shut. He opened it slowly, expecting it to be lit, greeted instead with darkness. He lit the first torch he could reach, placing it back in its holder and surveying the room. It was the same as he remembered for the most part, save the misplaced tea pillow and the shattered glass scattered around it. He approached the corner, catching a faint whiff of the alcohol still seeping into the carpet, his eyes focusing immediately on several splotches of a rust colored stain on the pillow and surrounding floor.

Blood?

It wasn't a lot, but Zed had never, ever seen Syndra drink before, and apparently now she was injured. He turned away from the mess, taking the stairs two at a time and almost throwing the door open, stepping aside to let the faintest light from down the stairs through. She was where he expected her to be; curled tightly around a pillow, impossibly tangled in several sheets. Her breathing was heavy and slow, but even, and he lit one more torch before approaching the bed, looking for where she had hurt herself. Her left hand was splayed openly against the bed and injury free, and a quick assessment of her exposed back and half bare legs showed nothing new, either. He carefully pulled her right hand from underneath where it was curled beneath the pillows, frowning when he flipped it over. The entire palm was shredded, the lacerations spreading up every finger and covered in dry blood. It was a good thing Syndra had a first aid kit somewhere in her bathroom; her hand definitely needed stitches, and he didn't think she would want to make the trip to the order to get it attended to.

Zed carefully nudged Syndra's shoulder, receiving nothing but a quiet grunt in response. He tried once more, harder, rewarded this time with very bleary, unfocused eye contact.

"Syndra, you're hurt."

She shook her head as if to argue, trying to settle back into the pillow.

"S'not bothering me."

Zed nudged the shoulder again, refusing to let her fall back asleep.

"Sit up."

She complied with a groan, propping herself up against the headboard and frowning at Zed. He lightly grabbed her chin, making sure she was looking at him before speaking.

"Don't move. I will be right back."

She nodded, letting her head droop when he let go of her chin, watching him move to the bathroom. Zed had to root around the cabinets for a few moments, finding the small first aid kit and popping it open, sifting through the contents in search of what he need. There; wrapped in plastic still, the supplies he needed to stitch her hand. He took it back to the bedroom, where Syndra was squeezing her eyes shut, rubbing her temples with her fingertips.

"Hurts."

He wasn't sure if she meant her head or her hand or both, but he felt sorry for how she was going to feel in the morning.

"Give me your hand."

She complied, dropping it into Zed's lap and opening her eyes to watch what he was doing. He wiped it down first, carefully cleaning the dry blood away from the gashes. She winced slightly, but didn't say anything, just continued to let him work. Zed didn't have anything from the first aid kit for the pain, and when he started stitching he waited for her to complain, but she was silent, seemingly more concerned with her headache than anything else.

"This was a bad idea."

Zed agreed, but figured saying so wouldn't be the most tactful thing to do. He continued to work, his movements swift and sure, the needle tugging gently at Syndra's skin. He finished the palm first, putting away the thread and resorting to bandages for the fingers. Syndra began to drift off while he bandaged, going longer and longer without opening her eyes, and by the time he was done Zed was sure she was asleep. He tugged the blankets around her into a more even position, and Syndra curled beneath them, sighing quietly before breathing out one tired, confused sentence.

"I wish it were enough."

Zed waited for more, anything to explain what "it" was, but Syndra didn't say anything else.

"You wish what was enough?"

Her face scrunched a little unhappily, but smoothed back to normal when she sighed her next word.

"You."

* * *

Syndra was an idiot.

Everything she felt attested to the thought; she could hardly even _think_, the way her head was throbbing, and he couldn't seem to unstick her tongue from the roof of her mouth.

"Ugh."

Syndra groaned loudly into her pillow, pulling it tighter around her face and squeezing her eyes shut. Maybe she could just go back to sleep and pretend she didn't get out of control drunk, and maybe then everything wouldn't hurt so badly.

"How are you feeling?"

Syndra moaned into the pillow again, by way of answering Zed's question. She was sure she had the pillow actually stuffed in her ears, and still Zed's quiet voice set off the pounding in her head. He gently nudged an arm she had wrapped tightly around the pillow encasing her head, encouraging her to move it.

"Water?"

The way Syndra's mouth felt was reason enough to forget her previous ban of lifting the pillow, and she carefully moved it out of the way, squinting in anticipation. Luckily for her, Zed had pulled the curtains over the balcony doors, and the room was dark enough that she didn't have to cover her face. She gratefully held a hand out for the water, taking one long, full drink before handing the cup back.

Zed set the cup on the nightstand, crossing his arms against his chest watching her small movements with a blank face. Syndra sat up against the headboard, waiting for him to bring up how stupid she'd been or to ask her how it went or anything, really, but he just stood there in silence. The longer he went without speaking, the more and more Syndra felt like something was awry, until finally she couldn't take it any longer.

"Is something wrong?"

He averted his gaze but didn't move, and diverted the question.

"How is your hand?"

Her hand…? Up until now, Syndra hadn't noticed it at all, and she stretched the bandaged fingers in front of her face, inspecting it in the dark.

"It's fine…"

Zed didn't really look like he was listening to her answer; he didn't look like he wanted to be there at all, and Syndra's stomach twisted slightly with worry.

"Zed."

He glanced up this time, but still with the expressionless eyes.

"What is it?"

His mouth twitched this time; he was trying not to show whatever it was that was bothering him, and the harder he tried to hide it the more perturbed she became.

"I'm sorry, for the childish way I behaved last night. It was an asinine decision."

Zed definitely looked like he agreed, but his expression didn't change, and what Syndra had done the night before clearly wasn't the problem.

So what was it?

"Say something."

He rubbed a hand over his eyes, sighing tiredly.

"I…"

He shook his head before continuing and walked to the door, finishing the sentence with what Syndra was sure wasn't what he had originally intended to say.

"I have training to attend to. Feel better."

He left before Syndra could call him back, shutting the door almost noiselessly behind him. Syndra stared long after he was gone, ignoring the blossoming pain in her hand and the throbbing still proceeding in her head. She knew that getting drunk was a foolish, thoughtless plan, but had it really offended him so badly? Had she done something last night that she couldn't remember?

For the first time since waking, Syndra felt like she was going to be sick.

* * *

Zed stalked through the forest, not heading towards the order but not away from it, either, just threading aimlessly through the trees. He couldn't really remember coming down here, but he knew he needed to be away from Syndra, for just a few hours. It was irrational, really, to be mad at her for something she had said while she was inebriated; it wasn't fair of him to hold it over her without explaining, and she probably didn't mean it, but Zed couldn't help the anger that curled his hands into fists.

What did she mean, she wished he was enough?

Did she mean that everything they had given up wasn't enough? That what they had, what they were… wasn't worth it?

No, no, that wasn't Syndra… she was drunk and upset, and practically asleep when she said it. Zed stopped his frantic movement through the forest, sending a flurry of leaves into the air with the sudden movement. He knew he was overreacting and that he should really go back, but there was just one tiny, vindictive part of him that emphasized how tired he was after watching over Syndra all night and reminded him of how unpleasant the task of overseeing training was on no sleep.

Honestly, Zed didn't really want to hear about Selvi right now, and he wasn't especially excited to explain his behavior or listen to Syndra list all the no doubt excellent reasons she had for the tantrum she threw the night before- and now that he thought about it, he definitely didn't want to return to the order.

Zed wanted to be somewhere quiet.

* * *

Syndra was still nauseated.

She stubbornly refused to attribute it to anything other than her lingering hangover, but regardless - she left the fortress as soon as she was sure she wasn't going to vomit again, taking her time on the way over to the order and trying to ignore the uncomfortable way the wind bit at her skin. Autumn was usually pretty mild in Ionia, ranging on balmy, but this year Syndra felt an early, bitter winter that somehow managed to perfectly accent the trepidation she felt when it came to Zed's strange behavior.

She tried to shake away the unease, blaming whatever the problem was on Zed's clear lack of sleep; it only made sense that he would be unhappy with her if she had kept him up all night, especially if he had to be at the order today. The knot in Syndra's stomach loosened somewhat, and her steps didn't drag as much as before; a tired Zed, she could deal with.

She finally arrived at the order just shortly before sunset, welcomed by silence and the usual quant torchlight. She walked quietly between the temples, being careful to walk as quietly as possible so as not to disturb the silence. There were only a few other people out walking this late, and all passed her with the smallest nods of acknowledgment. Syndra headed to the training area first; empty like she had expected, save for one ninja seated by where the weapons were stored, rubbing a cloth over a blade he had cradled in his lap. Syndra approached nervously; she didn't recognize this particular student, and she had never liked addressing strangers before.

He waited until she was standing in front of him to lift his head, and then tugged the cloth mask he had over his mouth down to speak.

"Can I assist you?"

Syndra motioned with her right hand, quickly placing it back behind her when the bandages she had momentarily forgotten drew his eye.

"I am looking for Zed."

He looked like he figured as much, but he also looked slightly confused, and answered simply.

"He was not in charge of training today."

Syndra blinked once in confusion, and very briefly entertained the idea that the man was lying; Zed had clearly told her he had training this morning before he left. But then again…

It would explain why he was acting so strangely, if he was lying. Syndra smiled shallowly, ushering a quick thank you before spinning on her heel and stalking away.

So Zed was lying again.

To what end? Was he after the Kinkou again, so soon? They had barely even returned from Bilgewater; she found it a little unbelievable that he would pursue them again after what they'd just been through. A new kind of nervousness twisted Syndra's stomach when something else occurred to her.

Was it Ahri?

Syndra had assumed that because he was using her explicitly for information that he had no other business with her, but if she was wrong… Jealously burned her cheeks and formed fists at her sides, her earlier agitation morphing into ire.

She needed to find Zed.


	15. Chapter 15

**_A/N: I know I have some explaining to do. I haven't updated because lately I haven't wanted to write at all, and I didn't have any motivation to continue the chapter. I didn't upload anything because if I did, it would have been settling and I didn't want to put out a chapter that I didn't enjoy writing and you probably wouldn't enjoy reading. I guess I just needed a break from writing for a while._**

**_But anyways, I'm feeling better now, kinda back in the groove, so I'll try not to go 3 weeks without updating again. _**

**_So sorry. _**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Syndra has scars! Too many and she'll just be Zed. If I get the time, sure :] I don't have a ton of spare time for reading fics anymore, unfortunately, and I have so many from months ago that I'm in the middle of still. _**

**_CorporalNoob- Well I love this coincidence. _**

**_Seth Darkcloud- It so was a cliffhanger! I've been looking for well written lemons actually, but as you might imagine, they're few and far between. It's not entirely that I'm uncomfortable writing them, just mostly that I'm scared of it being so just so awful and everyone hating it, etc. But thank you c:_**

**_Henry0313- I don't think that because I picked Syndra and Zed, there needs to be a lot of action; like you said, my writing is more on the descriptive side, and I've never particularly liked getting into fight scenes and the like. I wanted to write something different than all the other Zed or Syndra fics, which are very action/fighting oriented. And I assure you, this fic is very planned out; I spend a great deal of my time writing alternate story/plot lines, and I'm a little discouraged that it doesn't seem that way :S In chapter 14, I italicized "tried" because I wasn't trying to emphasize Selvi's actions, I was trying to emphasize the success of the action (or lack thereof.) If I italicized the other word, it would have completely changed the meaning of the sentence and it wouldn't have meant what I intended it to. _**

**_But regardless. I don't think that being a descriptive writer is really hindering the story, I just don't think that it's the kind of writing that you like to read, which, (to me) is a personal distaste and not necessarily something I need to fix. But that may be my opinion, and I could be wrong. I'm glad to hear you're watching out for the ending of the fic, but again, my writing style is something I've worked on and created to make all my own, and it's not something that I can just change, nor do I think any other writer can just change their style on a whim. That being said, you're most likely not going to like the rest of the fic :p (especially If you think it's dull.)_**

**_But anyway! Thank you for the review, and I appreciate the feedback :]_**

**_PoisonRed- Thank you ^-^ I have to say, your enthusiasm is definitely refreshing. I take all suggestions into consideration, but ultimately this fic is something I do to have fun and to make me and my readers happy, but I want to keep it something I do for me and not to please others. You're not being nosy! But I view Syndra as someone who easily gets jealous, but doesn't ever really have a problem getting over it. As for other tension- you might like this chapter ^-^_**

**_Thanks!_**

**_Ulcaasi- Don't you just always want to slap them? You know, the aphrodisiac idea is starting to sound better and better…_**

**_Lyraa- bb. Thank you for always reminding me, and sorry for making you wait :p I appreciate you looking out for updates, as always._**

**_The Ginger Ninja- Don't tell anyone, but I am so crazily, unhealthily obsessed with the Incredibles. (I think that reference probably could have been less obvious though, oops. Also you're awesome.)_**

**_Undeadbow- You're right, but a thing to keep in mind is that the time between chapters is longer than you guys might think, and it's my fault for not specifically pointing it out before. I know that they flip flop between hating/loving each other a lot, but the space between chapters is usually a few weeks, a week at the minimum, so they're usually feeling one way or the other for a decent amount of time before something changes. I've actually been trying to include the Kinkou more/expand their role, so no worries on that front :]_**

**_The whole lemon thing- again, not sure what I'm doing with it yet, but I have it rated like it is because I think most of the fics I read when I first started reading fanfic were the highest rating just in case, and I didn't see a problem with just doing it the same way. Just on the safe side-_**

**_Anyway, thank you, and I'm glad you like it so far ^-^ hopefully you like the rest. _**

**_Okay people! Review if you'd like, but thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!_**

* * *

Zed was running out of patience.

What he was teaching was simple enough; attack with your shadow, let it mirror your movements and you maximize your efficiency. Defeat your opponent. Move on to the next.

Exceedingly simple.

It was hours of training later and the students were still struggling to pick it up, still lagging sadly behind schedule. How could he trust his students to be competent when they couldn't even prove it in training?

"I cannot allow ineptitude."

Not a single person replied, or showed any sign that they had heard him. It was the usual respectful silence that Zed commanded, but this particular day it bothered him; did they expect him to let them off easy? He singled out one student in particular, focusing solely on the fact that he above all the others seemed the most affected by the strenuous training, his chest rising and falling shallowly with barely concealed panting. Zed stepped in front of him and everyone promptly stepped away, making sure to give Zed a very wide berth. The student was clearly afraid; it was hardly ever a good thing to be selected this way, and with the mood that Zed had been in that day, it did not bode well for him.

"Show me what you've learned today."

To his credit, the student moved quickly; he raised the arm that was currently strapped to a blade, and the shadow he had summoned behind Zed mirrored the movement, the ethereal weapon it carried mere inches from his back.

In another circumstance anyone in Zed's position would be as good as dead, but the student lacked the confidence to use the upper hand to strike. He hesitated the moment he should have executed his attack, and Zed's own shadow moved in accordance with his thoughts, fluidly taking his current position and allowing Zed to regain the upper hand; the upper hand being behind the student, his own blade pressed against the man's throat. But where the student had stopped to consider his next move Zed took action, pulling the blade across his skin and letting him fall into a heap on the floor, an inky puddle starting to spread to his shadow's feet.

Nobody moved.

The training ground was utterly silent; Zed could hardly hear the other students breathing anymore, which was a drastic difference from the earlier panting, and none of them stepped forward to examine the body on the floor. Not that they would have to- when Zed chose to make an example of someone, he did it efficiently.

Zed's shadow blinked away, leaving only him and the students, him and the blood that coated his blade and oozed across the floor. His point wasn't completely made yet; if his students weren't made to understand now, then they would always be a disappointment. He flicked his wrist, flinging droplets of scarlet across the training ground and addressing the students with what he hoped was the last threat he would have to make.

"Only the worthy will survive. You will prove this worth, or you will die."

* * *

Syndra had been avoiding Zed.

For her sake or his, she hadn't decided yet; she had been too angry to speak with him for a couple days, and she figured it might be the best for both of them if she confronted him when she didn't want to hurt him. She was waiting in their apartment now, hunched nervously in her favorite chair, biting a nail and staring pointedly at the floor. She was sure that whatever was going on with Zed, there was a good reason; it would have to be something good to make up for the cold, distant behavior and lack of explanation. It would have to be, because against her better judgment, she was choosing to trust him despite all the evidence that urged her not to.

It just had to be.

So she waited, slowly wearing down her nails and ignoring the pit in her stomach that couldn't decide whether it was anger or anxiety, waiting until well into the night when the door finally flew open, letting in a distracted, grim faced Zed. He ran a hand over his face when he saw her sitting there, unable to wipe away the haggard expression or the dark circles that ringed his eyes.

"Not tonight, Syndra."

She expected this much, but she wouldn't have waited there as long as she did if she would let him push her away so easily.

"Yes, tonight. You need to explain."

He sighed deeply, already exasperated.

"There is nothing to explain."

Syndra's mouth screwed up briefly; she smoothed it out with a little effort, trying to keep in mind that he was tired and that it was late, and that if she wanted to get answers she would have to stay calm.

"You're acting strange, and you lied about being at training the other day. What is going on?"

He squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing his temples with the tips of his fingers as if to knead away a headache. Syndra waited as patiently as she could, but the act was getting old, and fast. When he finally opened his eyes, she was much less inclined to listen to excuses anymore.

"So?"

He shook his head, and that simple movement was all Syndra needed to know that this wasn't going anywhere.

"Syndra, I'm tired. Please."

Syndra stood up from the chair, walking to where he was still standing by the doorway and jabbing a finger at his chest.

"How can I trust you when you lie to me every chance you get? You said that this was over, that I could-"

In the midst of the mini tirade Zed had lifted a hand to move away the finger Syndra still had pressed against his chest, and Syndra noticed for the first time the blood staining his arm. She let her hand fall, and her voice drop to a whisper.

"Are you injured?"

He shook his head, but didn't supply anything else.

"Whose?"

He didn't have to answer; if he was at training all day, there really weren't a lot of people it could be. But they were his _students_… he'd never hurt them before, not like this.

What was going on?

"Are you so angry with me that you would take it out on them?"

Zed pushed her away- roughly, this time, and moved so that she was standing between him and the door.

"Your ego precedes you. This has nothing to do with you."

Syndra ignored the quip, not quite realizing that her whisper had morphed into a shout.

"Then w_hat,_ Zed? "

Zed stepped closer to her, close enough so that when he shouted she could feel it, close enough that she almost missed his shadow lurking behind him.

"What I do with my students is none of your concern, nor has it ever been!"

He wasn't done quite yet; as impossible as it was, he came closer to Syndra's face, his voice increasing in volume.

"We have had _enough_ of your –"

She didn't let him continue.

Syndra whipped a hand up, intending to push Zed away, but the wave of dark magic flowed through his shadow, eventually dissipating to reveal that Zed was now several paces away, his glare dark enough that Syndra almost flinched.

"Get out."

She didn't have to be told twice. Whirling around with a glare of her own, Syndra stalked away, making sure to slam the door behind her, choosing to ignore the weak way her hands shook as she left the apartment.

She had never seen him like this before.

Even when Selvi had held that blade against her flesh, Zed had never been so crazed, so unbelievably angry. It was frightening, the way he screamed at her, and with what he had done to his students earlier…

This wasn't Zed.

But Syndra didn't know what to do. She couldn't begin to guess what was wrong with him; she didn't think that the extraordinarily aggressive behavior could be blamed on a bad day at training and exhaustion alone. Even with her prying for answers, Zed never would have acted the way he did, seemingly so eager to harm her. She stopped walking in the woods outside of the apartment, her feet reluctant to carry on any further.

No, this wasn't Zed, and she felt deeply wrong about leaving him when there was so clearly something very much the matter with him. And wasn't there something off about what he had yelled at her, how _they_ had had enough… Before Syndra could consider any further there was a cry in the night, so quiet she almost missed it but very distinctly Zed.

Zed in pain.

* * *

Zed couldn't think.

His head was pounding, the slam of the door echoing painfully in his thoughts. He had been shouting at Syndra; even though it had only been a moment ago, he could hardly remember what it was about, or what either of them had said that had ended so badly. It was hard to think passed the pain, and he was so _tired. _

He should go after her.

Zed made a move towards the door, but the pain that he had previously written off to be a headache flared maddeningly, and Zed clutched the sides of his head, gritting his teeth against the torment.

_She is a waste of time. _

The voice was a surprise, to say the least, but not for a long; Zed fell to his knees, unable to grip his head any tighter, unable to stem any of the pain.

_Can't you see…_

The shadow moved behind him, trailing wispy fingers across his shoulders that burned where they touched.

_We could be so much more, so much stronger…_

Zed looked up when the shadow paused in front of him, jaw still clenched painfully tight, his head still aching beyond belief. It kneeled down, still above Zed but close enough that there was nothing else for him to see but the darkness.

_Let her go, and I will show you. _

Let her go? Zed didn't understand what Syndra had to do with the shadow, didn't understand anything except the headache that was only getting worse.

_She will leave, regardless… She thinks of you as nothing but a monster. _

That didn't sound right… but she had stormed off, and they were arguing and yelling and he couldn't remember why she was here and fighting with him in the first place.

Now that he thought about it, he couldn't remember anything form the last few days.

"What have you done to me?"

The shadow grabbed Zed's chin, pulling him roughly to its wispy face, its next words exploding in his mind.

_You've seen nothing yet._

Zed couldn't help it this time; he squeezed his eyes shut, crying out in pain, cradling his head in his hands. No matter what he did, he couldn't wrest away the shadow's control, couldn't do anything to dull the pain that made it impossible to think.

He flinched when he felt fingers against his face again, but this time it was different; not quite at first, but ever so slowly the agony began to leech away, leaving Zed exhausted and shaking but finally able to hear the frantic cries for his attention, finally able to feel that the fingers pressing against his skin were soft and warm.

"Zed? Zed, answer me."

Her voice was choked and frightened, but steady, and it slowly prompted him to lift his head, letting his hands drop to his lap. Syndra's face was ashen and her eyes were glassy, but again she tried to get his attention.

"Zed, please answer me."

He didn't know what to say; for now, nothing hurt, but it was so hard to think clearly, and he was beyond exhausted_._ He placed a hand gently over one Syndra still had against his face, voice hardly above a whisper.

"Help."

He moved to stand on shaky legs, and Syndra let him lean against her, struggling beneath Zed's weight but slowly managing to move him towards the bedroom, relieved that the more they walked the less he drooped against her. He collapsed heavily onto the bed, his eyes closing almost immediately, breath still ragged and uneven. Fresh panic added to the trembling in Syndra's hands, and she shook one of his shoulders until he opened his eyes again.

"Please, Zed. What's happening?"

His gaze was bleary and he blinked several times before answering, his voice strained and unnaturally quiet.

"It was the shadow. The more it talked the more everything hurt."

Syndra ignored the chill that ran down her spine, the unease that twisted her stomach.

"What did they shadow say?"

Zed frowned; longer he took the answer the more his face contorted in what could only be pain, until he finally spit out an answer.

"I can't remember."

She couldn't get him to keep his eyes open after that, nor was she sure she should. She watched him fall deeper and deeper into sleep, ignoring the mounting nausea and trying to think through what little information she had.

The shadow was torturing him.

Zed couldn't remember anything it had said, but Syndra was sure that this was why Zed had been acting so strange lately. But she didn't know anything about the shadow arts; _nobody_ did… that was why he was so powerful, his mastery of the art entirely unparalleled. That was why Zed was feared by everyone in Ionia. And that was why now, Syndra had nothing to go on, nothing to help her figure out how to save him.

What in the world was she supposed to do?

* * *

Syndra watched over him all night.

It was scary, the way he didn't move; his breathing was almost quiet enough to be silent, and the longer he went without showing any signs of waking up the more it began to remind Syndra of when her power became too much for her. If it was anything alike, there was no telling how long he would be asleep.

Syndra gently rubbed her eyes for the millionth time that morning, trying not to think about how bloodshot they must be by now. She stretched her arms out to the sides, wincing when the joints cracked. She stepped lightly to their bed, although she was almost certain that no matter how loud she was, she wouldn't wake Zed up. His face was smooth and untroubled, and she slowly lifted her hand to his cheek, gently placing her fingers against his skin.

"Zed?"

His expression didn't change at all, not even when Syndra repeated his name a second time. Her stomach twisted with fresh worry, but she was minutely grateful that nothing seemed to change. She desperately wanted to get out to see Karma, but until now had been too nervous to leave him alone. She searched the bedside table, quickly scrawling a note in her neat handwriting and leaving it where she hoped, if he woke up, he could easily find it. She glanced behind her before closing the door, unconsciously biting her lip.

She would not lose him.

* * *

"Syndra."

She shook her head, realizing she'd begun to nod off and trying her best to sit up straight.

"Please tell me what's going on. You are unwell."

She couldn't see what Karma did, but she could feel it; feel it in the pit in her stomach, the heaviness of her eyelids, the way her limbs dragged. Now that she was at Karma's house, where it was quiet and warm and worry free, it was much harder to stay awake.

"It isn't me. It's Zed."

Karma's features shifted to distaste, and Syndra interrupted before she could voice her unease.

"Please, before you deny me… I do not know what to do, and I fear for his life."

Karma didn't look any less upset about helping Zed, but with how distraught Syndra was and how obvious it was that she _did_ need help, she was resigned to at least listen.

"He cannot remember, but the shadow, _his_ shadow, it's torturing him, or controlling him. I don't know how to stop it."

Karma sighed; now the problem wasn't that she didn't want to help Zed, but that she couldn't.

"Syndra, I know nothing of the shadow arts. No one in Ionia does."

It was the same thought that had been eating away at Syndra all night; she knew very well, but she wouldn't have come here if she didn't have another plan.

"Not someone in Ionia."

Karma cocked her head to the side, clearly confused.

"I don't follow."

Syndra took a small breath before speaking, making sure that she was absolutely sure she wanted to continue.

"Can you contact the Kinkou?"

Karma's reaction was nearly immediate; she, like most elders, was partial to all the details of the Kinkou's demise. This was not a favor that would come easily.

"Syndra. You know why that won't work."

Of course she knew why any living member of the Kinkou wouldn't want to help Zed, but it was the only option she had left. They were the only other people who knew anything about the shadows.

"I know, Karma. I have been over every possibility hundreds of times, and this is all I have left. Please, out of what little love you have for me, _please_ at least get a message to them. He's dying."

Her voice cracked in an incredibly un-Syndra like mannerism, and no matter how much she loathed Zed, she sympathized with Syndra. Despite her reluctance, they both knew that Karma would always do whatever she could to help her.

"A message. That is all I can promise."

Syndra didn't smile and none of the worry or fatigue fell from her face, but she took one of Karma's hands in both of her own, squeezing to emphasize her next words.

"Thank you."

* * *

Syndra pulled the door shut slowly behind her, letting her fingers slip off the knob and quietly falling into the chair she had pulled into their room the night before. She was finally able to rest her weary eyes, and although she desperately needed to sleep her worry still kept her awake.

She needed this to work.

She didn't know anyone else, in Ionia or the Institute, that would be able to help them, and if the Kinkou weren't willing to help…

She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to will away the doubt and focus, for the moment, on worrying about herself. She needed to sleep, because she wouldn't be a help to anybody if she got sick overexerting herself.

"Syndra."

Syndra's eyes flew open, peering through the darkening room at bed. Zed hadn't moved much; he was resting slightly against the headboard, pressing a hand to his head but staying still otherwise. Syndra dragged herself over to the bed, her hands fluttering around Zed's face, her eyes searching for anything that might indicate he was unwell.

"How do you feel?"

He didn't answer right away; he was frowning beneath Syndra's hands, his eyes tracing over her face.

"Sit."

She didn't need to be told twice; it was getting difficult to stand, and she wanted nothing more than to curl against Zed, who was, for the moment, seemingly healthy. She tucked herself beneath his arm, resting her head on his shoulder.

"You didn't answer me."

He trailed his fingers through her hair, lulling her closer and closer to sleep.

"I'm fine."

She sighed, not quite happily, but content for the first time in days.

"Do you remember anything?"

His silence was answer enough, but Syndra was too tired to frown. She felt him reach his free arm around her, heard him pick up the note she had forgotten on the nightstand.

"You went to see Karma?"

She didn't want to get into this right now, not before she slept and had time to think of a better way to explain to Zed what she had done. She tilted her head back slightly, enough so she could look him in the eye.

"I went to see if she could help us. I didn't know what else to do."

Zed's eyes narrowed; if she went to Karma for help, then he probably wasn't going to like what she had to say.

"And?"

She'd begun chewing on her lip while he asked, and she consciously let it go, reminding herself that whatever his reaction, what she had done was the only option she had left.

"I asked her to contact the Kinkou, to see if they could help you."

Zed's reaction was immediate; he frowned, opening his mouth to argue, but the longer he looked at the circles beneath her eyes and the worry lines etched across her face the harder it was to begin the tirade. He settled for a calmer tone of voice, but was unable to keep the anger out of his tone.

"You understand why I'm upset."

He had expected her to defend herself, to try and convince him that what she had done was all for the better.

"This is not a debate. I will not gamble your life because of a feud."

"This isn't a _feud_, Syndra. It isn't that simple. Everything they stand for is wrong, and I've slaughtered them for it. Reaching out to them was foolish."

Syndra was exhausted, but she had enough energy left to argue a point that should have been obvious to Zed, and argue it loudly.

"Listen to me, because this is the last time I explain. I will not lose you. I will never sit idly by and let your ego destroy you. There is _nothing."_

She lifted a hand to his cheek, making sure what she said was clearly understood.

"_Nothing_ I wouldn't do for you. For us."

Neither of them spoke after that, and neither of them looked away from each other. Syndra could tell Zed still wanted to argue; even now he was still warring with his pride, unable to let it go to save himself.

But Syndra was more influential than pride.

"Try to understand; I did not want to betray you, but this was all I had left."

Her eyes implored him to listen, and as distasteful as this all was, and angry as he was that her decision had to involve the Kinkou, she had a point. The shadow was taking his memories, making him sick, causing him to be violent and unpredictable. As loathe as he was to admit it, he needed help, and Syndra was the only one he had.

He smoothed a hand over her hair, motioned for her to once again curl comfortably against him.

"I understand. Rest now."

She sighed in relief, closing her eyes and finally being able to drift off to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

**_A/N: I think my update time was a little slow, but at least it wasn't a month! The chapter is longer to compensate, and I spent a little more time rereading and editing than I normally do, so (hopefully) it's a little better than usual. _**

**_CorporalNoob- Man, Syndra is just the flippin' best._**

**_Ulcaasi- Oh baby- excitement. It's the best tension reliever out there._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Thank you! I figured it was about time Zed got back to killing some person or another. Thank you for understanding :S I know it's an excuse I use a lot, and I hope I'm not driving anyone completely crazy when I use it. I really wanted to put out a memo, but I didn't know I was going to take a break when I updated the last chapter and I didn't want to put out an update just saying I was going to take forever, because I was scared that people would see an update and get disappointed that it was just a "See ya soon" kinda thing. In hindsight- not a great decision. Thank you ^-^ Thank you for that; the whole lemon thing is so iffy to me, and it was nice to read that c:_**

**_Worst Rammus KR- I read that review when I was having a really bad day, and I can't thank you enough- it made me so happy to read it c: Thank you very much!_**

**_xSilentwolf- Okay, first off- I've missed you! And I appreciate the cookie. Ugh god I know the feeling, but after getting promoted to D2 and getting demoted like two hours later, I gave up on my dreams of Master Tier this season :/ Did you end up getting plat? _**

**_Ack poor Syndra… must… keep writing… painful things!_**

**_Pfff. We'll see about the lemony goodness. _**

**_Lyraa- Thank you c: I won't give it up- I just take breaks because I have motivation/self-esteem problems occasionally and it kinda keeps me from doing anything creative. (Weird thing to admit to a stranger, I apologize.) I will definitely keep it up ^-^_**

**_Alright! Thanks everyone for reading, and review if you'd like, but please enjoy! :]_**

* * *

Akali didn't spend a lot of time with Shen at the Institute.

She was more interested in taking part of League matches than being trailed by him, and besides; ever since he'd joined, the summoners had taken a liking to him and he spent a majority of his time in meetings with them. So when Shen specifically asked to see her, naturally she was suspicious.

Furthering her suspicion was the meeting place itself; rather than inviting Akali to his apartment he had asked her to come to the Institute gardens, a place that was quiet and secluded and all together a very peaceful place to be, despite the cold weather affecting its typical beauty. He was meditating underneath one of the hundreds of cherry trees, seemingly unaffected by the biting wind and cradling his hands in his lap. He opened his eyes when Akali was close enough to hear him, and motioned for her to sit. Akali cautiously kneeled in front of him, tapping her fingers against her legs and waiting for him to speak.

"We received a message."

He loosened the fists he had resting against his legs, and there was in fact a well creased piece of paper folded in one palm, which he held out to Akali. She reached over and picked it up with the tips of her fingers, but hesitated before opening it. If all Shen wanted to do was deliver a message, he didn't have to go through all the trouble of inviting her to the gardens; there was something else going on here.

"Is there something I should know?"

He looked like that was he question he was afraid she would ask; his mouth turned down at one corner, and he tried to answer as vaguely as possible.

"We've sworn to help those who need it; the uphold balance in all things. I ask you to keep an open mind."

She looked down at the inoffensive piece of paper in her hands, suddenly nervous to open it.

"Who is it from?"

"It's from Karma."

If she was apprehensive before, she was only confused now. Why would Shen assume she didn't want to help Karma? What bias would she have against her?

"I don't understand."

Shen didn't explain any further, instead staring pointedly at the letter and waiting for Akali to open it. She unfolded it carefully, noting how well-worn the creases were already, and began to read. To be fair, she tried to listen to what Shen told her before; she tried her hardest not to let the letter anger her, but it wasn't long before she shoved it back at him, standing up and intending to leave Shen behind her.

Of course he followed.

He grabbed her elbow before she got too far, and from the look on his face Akali knew she was in for an argument.

"Akali, please. I asked you to set aside your differences. He needs our help."

She whipped around, unable to keep her rage from twisting her features.

"He's a _murderer_, Shen. He took our home and hunted us all down. He still does, even as you beg me to save him! I would think that of all people, you would want to help him the least."

Akali didn't need to point out that Shen should have had the biggest vendetta against Zed out of all the Kinkou; Zed was a brother to him, and he betrayed him not only by forsaking himself to the shadows and overthrowing the Kinkou, but by killing his father. And still, he was begging her to understand.

"Aside from our anger, there are other reasons we need to act. If what Karma assumes is true, then the shadow is getting stronger. If it takes him over completely, we don't know what will happen. Zed, we know."

Akali was shaking her head even before he finished, her argument on the tip of her tongue.

"No, we _used_ to know Zed. There is nothing redeemable about him. He doesn't deserve to be saved. You ask me to remain unbiased, but your inexplicable affection for him is the sole reason you consider aiding them at all."

She could tell her words had hurt him, though he made an effort to keep his face smooth. Nothing he could say would change her mind, but that didn't stop him from trying.

"This isn't for Karma, or for Zed. This is to keep whatever is ailing him from upsetting the balance. If the shadow warps him into something more sinister, whatever it does will be our fault. We would be responsible for any havoc it wreaks. We cannot allow that. "

It was harder for Akali to argue that; clearly Shen had thought this through more than she had, and in a way, he was right. They couldn't let Zed turn into something even more dangerous than he was now, since they weren't sure that the shadow was going to kill him.

But that didn't mean Akali had to help.

She pulled her elbow out of Shen's grip, and although she was considerably less angry than a moment ago, there was absolutely no way she was going to be dragged into this. Zed didn't deserve their mercy, and eventually Shen had to realize that he was beyond saving.

"So you go. And when it's obvious even to you that he cannot be saved, then I will join you."

She decided she had to be clearer; Shen had a habit of ignoring the less than vague hints in Akali's threats, and she wanted this, above all, to be clearly understood.

"To kill him."

* * *

Karma's fingers tapped lightly against the letter she had lying on the table, quietly trying to pass the time until Syndra arrived. She glanced down at the envelope again, struck again with the urge to open it; despite how much she had tried to keep herself from getting between Syndra and the Kinkou, she had to admit, she was incredibly curious about what Shen had to say about their rather outlandish request. If she was a betting woman, she would say that the envelope would contain nothing Syndra would want to read; if she knew anything about the leader of the remaining Kinkou, it was that he had no reason in the world to help Zed, and that it was more than likely that he wouldn't want to travel from the Institute all the way back to Ionia to save the life of someone that would be, to him, better off dead.

But Karma was not the type to gamble, and Syndra had always had this irritatingly convenient way of getting exactly what she wanted.

It was then that Syndra stepped quietly into Karma's quaint living room, for once her in life not outstandingly late. She kneeled on the floor across the table from Karma, tugging off the hood of her coat and smoothing her hair, eyes flicking from Karma's face to the letter still pinned beneath her fingers. Karma let her adjust a little more to the warmth of the house before speaking.

"I have not read it."

Karma slid the letter across the table until it rested against Syndra's fingers, then tucked her hands into her lap and waited for Syndra to open it. She hesitated at first, nervously biting an already raw lip and then ripping it open, clutching it between fingers that she refused to let shake. Karma watched her eyes flick over every line, Syndra's smooth but exhausted features making it impossible for her to judge the contents of the answer. She read it once, twice, even a third time to make sure that she understood the neat words before sliding it back over the wood table, finally letting her carefully crafted mask crack.

"Thank you, Karma."

Her lips curved into a tentative smile while Karma skimmed the letter, mildly shocked that Shen seemed to have no problems with dropping everything and rushing back to Ionia. She glanced back at Syndra, unable to let herself feel the same relief that she did; it occurred to her not for the first time that she didn't particularly want Zed to live, much less to continue consuming Syndra. She felt the first pang of regret, her contrition making her want to lash out, and the fingers that had been lightly holding the letter contracted slightly.

"You'll bring Zed here. Shen should not have to do this at the order."

Syndra's smile dropped at the tone Karma's voice had acquired, but she didn't respond.

"Is he able to travel?"

Syndra nodded, her face darkening when the conversation turned back to Zed, and she ran a hand nervously through her loose hair.

"I think so, but his pain grows."

Karma ignored the second half to the response, gesturing again to the letter she'd placed back onto the table.

"Shen said he was asking a favor of the summoners. He'll be here by the end of the week."

Syndra nodded again, this time a touch more distracted, her attention divided between Karma and the door. It was obvious that she didn't expected to extend her stay for much longer, and Karma wasn't eager to keep her here.

"You've asked a lot of this man."

Syndra gazed at Karma, her unwavering stare framed by dark circles and a weary air that she had never seen on her before. Fearing for the life of someone else was unfamiliar to Syndra, and it was clear even from just the way she held herself that she wasn't handling it well.

"I don't expect you to understand why or how I love him, and I don't hope to ever explain it to you, but I learned from you that you cannot give up on those you love. There is nothing I wouldn't do, no favor I wouldn't ask to save him. I know what I'm asking of Shen, and I would do it a hundred times over if it helped in the slightest."

She plucked the letter from where it was sitting before Karma, standing and tugging her coat tightly around her, then bowing slightly in forced respect.

"Thank you again, Karma. We'll see you soon."

Karma watched her disappear through the door, and resumed tapping her fingers against the table, the sharp clicks against the wood abnormally loud in the silent room. She forced herself, for the moment, to try and see things without letting her hate of Zed mar her opinion. She knew that if it was Syndra whose power was tearing her apart, she would do anything to save her, even if every other person in Ionia felt that she would be better off dead; love had a way of making even the most levelheaded of people lose their good judgment.

But that didn't make her feel any better about the situation she was in now.

Karma stood up, walking to each of the torches placed around the room and quickly snuffing them out, waving away wafts of smoke from her face and plunging the room into darkness. She had hardly any time before Shen would be here and then they would have to figure out how to save a man that she hated without anyone else discovering that the leader of the Kinkou and an esteemed elder of Ionia was saving the Master of Shadows.

Karma couldn't wait until this was all over.

* * *

Syndra hesitated outside her apartment, ignoring the chill of the wind that swept her hair around her face consciously reminding herself to loosen her numb grip on the letter in her hands for possibly the hundredth time since leaving Karma's. This was the news they were waiting for; it was _good_ news, and by all rights Syndra should finally feel some kind of relief, but still she couldn't quite force herself through the door. She knew that this wasn't going to be what Zed wanted to hear, that despite Shen being their last option, Zed was still close to refusing his help.

She didn't know how much more she could argue with him about it.

She slowly opened the door, welcoming the warmth of the small fire that burned within and mildly surprised that the majority of the torches were lit, and that Zed was in the middle of the room, bare chested and slowly going through training stretches that grew more difficult to maintain and considerably more complicated the longer Syndra watched. He didn't react when the door clicked closed behind Syndra, only continued to slowly move through the exercise. His movements were smooth and flawless at first, but it wasn't long before his skin was covered in perspiration and the muscles along his arms and shoulders were trembling with exertion, and although Syndra wanted to insist (again) that he should stop tiring himself and rest, she wanted more to avoid an argument. Sure enough the strain wore him down sooner than she would have guessed, and he finally collapsed into a chair, now willing to acknowledge that Syndra was home and waiting. She took a seat in the chair across from him, laying her coat on the table between them but not offering the letter to him just yet.

"You should be resting."

This was an argument that was getting quite stale for the both of them; no matter how she implored him, he refused to listen, and she refused to let him hear the end of it. He offered something new today, however:

"It's difficult. The migraine has returned."

Syndra knew that he was steadily getting worse, but besides the memory gaps and ever-present exhaustion, he had been migraine free since the shadows' last attack. Syndra tried to ignore the worry that twisted her stomach, clinging to the feeble hope that she had brought with her from visiting Karma. She silently handed him the letter, watching him skim quickly through it like Karma had, unconsciously biting her lip while she waited. The more he read the darker his expression became, and Syndra was sure he didn't even finish it before practically throwing it back at her, and then stalking away to their bedroom with the slam of a door his only response. It was more or less the reaction she expected, but for now she was too tired to worry about convincing him that Shen agreeing to see them was the best possible news they could have received. She followed Zed after a few quiet minutes to herself, taking her time blowing out the torches and then shutting the door quietly behind her. She crossed the dark room, undressing blindly and tossing her clothes into a corner that she would forget about until the morning and then crawled into the empty bed, shivering at the cold and wrapping every blanket she could reach tightly around her. She thought back to the letter while she waited for her arms to stop shaking, and a small smile curved her lips. When she asked Karma to contact the Kinkou, she never really expected them to answer, and now that they were sending someone, and so soon…

She had hope.

Slim hope, maybe, but hope all the same. Her thoughts shifted towards the ninja that had answered her plea. This Shen… only a name, to her; she knew Karma didn't know much about him, and everything she herself knew was based off of secondhand knowledge and Zed's negative reactions. She had thought that Zed's anger with the Kinkou rested mostly with Akali, but then again, the year he was gone he was searching for Shen, not Akali, and judging from his reaction to the letter there was something more she was missing.

Her musing was interrupted by the opening of the bathroom door, and Syndra rolled over when Zed laid down next to her. He was rubbing a temple, eyes closed in apparent discomfort, wet hair framing his face. Despite the muted chill Syndra still felt, Zed's chest was still bare, and he didn't move to cover himself. Syndra watched him continue to massage his forehead, and spoke quietly.

"Worse than before?"

He shook his head, rolling onto his side and opening his eyes. He dropped his hand to the bed, fingers curling around a stray of edge of a blanket.

"It's fine."

He _looked_ fine, if tired, and Syndra squirmed closer, freeing a hand to gently run her fingers across his chest, trailing over the scars that laced his skin.

"Tell me something."

He closed his eyes again when her wandering touch traced over his collar bone, and he sighed in response.

"Hm?"

She watched her fingers fall into a pattern of steady movement across his chest and took her time before speaking.

"I've heard so little about Shen…"

Syndra had been watching his face carefully, but besides the slightest twitch of his mouth, he didn't otherwise react. Syndra took this the okay to ask further, and dropped her gaze to her fingers.

"What was he to you?"

He didn't open his eyes, or move beneath her hand; he let her continue, thinking on his response.

"A brother, I suppose. But he was a competition, and he was arrogant. It's easy to succeed when your father is the master of the Kinkou."

Syndra noted the bitter whisper, but she still wanted to know more. How could Zed come to loathe someone that he used to consider a brother?

"What happened?"

He opened his eyes now, although Syndra didn't notice; she was focused on her hand, on the warmth trailing beneath her fingers and the goose bumps that followed them.

"I killed his father."

Syndra's touch faltered for a moment, his blunt words momentarily taking her by surprise. She supposed she shouldn't have been as shocked; Zed's past was written in blood more often than not, but she didn't understand how Shen's father managed to become part of it.

"He was the Kinkou's master when I found the shadows. I had selfish, petty reasons to use them at first, but the knowledge they offered… The other students deserved to know that they were being lied to, that there was more power for them have. Instead of admit this, Shen's father banished me and kept his students unaware and subservient. When I returned, I did not grant him mercy."

Syndra could fill in the story from there, and everything after that. It didn't exactly explain why he hated Shen as much as he did, but she sensed that the answer he gave was as much as she was going to get for now. Her fingers paused against his chest, and she asked a different question.

"How did you come to join the Kinkou?"

His whisper that had been fervent a moment ago fell flat now, carefully emotionless.

"I was an orphan, and Shen's father took pity."

Syndra wasn't entirely surprised; she had never pegged Zed as someone with a family he'd left behind. Her fingers resumed their rotations, and she spoke quietly about something else.

"I was an orphan, but all for the better, I suppose. The Ionians showed me power, and taught me that I could be feared."

It wasn't the same thing, she knew, but she also knew that Zed loved power as much as she did, and if he had never been taken into the Kinkou he would have never been able to learn from the shadows.

"I've had masters and peers, but never family."

It was interesting to Syndra that Zed had considered the Kinkou family; maybe because of the way the relationship was now, she had always assumed that he never wanted to be a part of the Kinkou, or had never exactly fit in.

"Was Karma not family to you?"

Syndra could see how that to someone that had known her only after she had extradited herself from Ionia, it would appear as if Karma was her family, but for Syndra, it had never been that way. She shook her head and whispered the words between them.

"I remember, if vaguely, when I was given to Karma; I was passed from elder to elder until she took me in. I remember how after that, because of their fear, the Ionians would not let me belong. I was reminded all too often how I was not hers, not anyone's. I wasn't allowed to have a family."

Her voice was matter-of-fact and devoid of emotion, but Zed put a hand over the fingers she still had moving across his chest, trapping her fingers against his skin to where she could feel the muted pounding of his heart. Neither of them moved, and the moment was nothing but the quiet and the flush Syndra could feel spreading across her cheeks.

"You belong here."

She let the words resonate, delighting in just how _right_ they made her feel, playing them over and over in her mind. She looked at where their hands met, her voice fervent despite being a whisper.

"I love you."

"And I, you."

* * *

Karma's home was the picture of Ionian beauty.

Light, open, and airy, decorated with more art than could possibly be necessary, littered with embroidered tea pillows and ornate torches that covered every room in a muted yellow glow. Zed could see why Syndra always made the time to see Karma here; the almost forced peacefulness of the home was impossible to ignore, and it seemed like the perfect place for someone with more than enough worries to, for a time, forget them.

Zed waited outside.

He waited uncomfortably for Syndra to finish greeting Karma, settling into a cushioned chair on the narrow porch and cradling his head in his hands. The migraine the shadow was giving him wasn't like any he'd ever had before, not even the one that had plagued him the days after he took over the Kinkou. No amount of rest assuaged the pain, and he was sure that if even he took the time to visit his infirmary, they wouldn't be able to do anything to help either. He vaguely heard Syndra talking softly deeper in the house, but it was difficult to focus on the words and the harder he tried the more the pain in his head flared.

Being weak was getting exhausting.

He hardly noticed when Syndra pulled a chair next to his, looking up only when she laid her hand over his. He let it fall away from his cheek, sitting up while she threaded her fingers through his, frowning at how cold his skin was.

"You can come inside to rest. It's warmer."

Zed knew that Karma certainly wouldn't approve, but it wasn't an offer he would accept regardless; Shen would be here soon enough, and he didn't mind waiting until then. Syndra accepted his silence as an answer, waving her free hand at the forest that surrounded Karma's miniscule lawn.

"It reminds me of the fortress, occasionally. It's just as quiet."

Syndra hadn't returned to the fortress since she found out about the shadow, and it was clear how much she missed it, even though she would never admit it.

"Soon, we can return."

Syndra wanted to feel the same hope he did, that Shen would be able to figure this out and they could move on, but it was in her experience that when it came to Zed, nothing was ever so simple. She didn't answer, instead pulling both of their hands into her lap and fighting off a shiver. It wasn't particularly windy beneath the trees, but the air was sharp and thin and it bit angrily at her exposed face. She pulled the collar of her coat a little higher, and shifted in her chair so she could rest her cheek against Zed's shoulder.

"You don't have to stay."

Syndra almost didn't hear him; his whisper was quiet and forced, and Zed had his head tilted away.

"Whatever they plan to do- I imagine it won't be pleasant."

Syndra's answering laugh was dry and humorless.

"What is, when it comes to us?"

Her sarcastic question was met with only with the sound of Zed shifting in his chair, and after that, silence. Syndra was too tired to stay up for much longer, but she was reluctant to leave Zed alone outside; she let her eyes drift closed, curled a little closer to Zed's shoulder and let the faint sounds of rustling leaves and Zed's quiet breathing lull her closer to sleep. As peaceful as it was, it was almost easy for Syndra to forget where she was and why she was there.

But not for too long.

She cracked one eye open when Zed shifted slightly away from her, and opened the other eye when his free hand gripped the armrest of his chair tightly enough that the wood groaned in protest.

And then a lot of things happened at once.

Zed let out a strangled, almost inhuman cry of pain that Syndra nearly didn't notice, because at the same time the fingers that he still had wrapped around hers and the armrest of his chair clenched shut, and even though the air was filled with the snap of the wood shattering Syndra could still hear the bones in her hand crack.

Syndra's scream was cut off when she gasped for air, and she jerked her hand away, the pain in her hand flaring impossibly. She stumbled out of her chair at the same time Zed fell out of his and onto his knees, his hands knotted in his hair, his whole body tensed against the pain. Syndra cradled her wounded hand against her chest and tried to call out to Zed, too afraid to go any closer than she was.

"Zed!"

His only answer was a low moan filled with pain, and then Syndra didn't care about whether or not it was safe. She kneeled next to where he was still crouched, using her uninjured hand to try and pry one of his hands away from his face. It was like trying to move stone; the muscles in his arms were tensed too tight for her to move them, and he didn't respond to any of her pleas for him to tell her what was going on.

"Karma!"

Syndra didn't know if her cry for help was loud enough, but almost immediately she heard Karma moving through the house, pushing the door open loudly.

"Syndra, what's going-"

She took in the both of them kneeling on the porch, Syndra's painfully cinched face and the wounded had that she clutched limply against her chest.

"Syndra, move."

She shook her head, tilted her chin to where Zed was still groaning in pain.

"We have to do something, we have to help him-"

Her sentence was cut off short when Zed fell silent and then collapsed, thudding to the floor and remaining still.

"Zed?"

Syndra scrambled to his other side, using her left hand to move him onto his back, her face completely draining of color when nothing she did elicited a response from him. She didn't notice when Karma kneeled next to him, laying her face close to his and holding up a finger for Syndra to be quiet.

"He's still breathing."

She moved quickly away from him, glancing from the hand Syndra was holding carefully against her chest and Zed's body, which, even laying crumpled against the floor, was imposingly large.

"I can't get him inside myself."

That was the least of Syndra's worries; she was more preoccupied with the pain that was nearly bringing her to tears that the fact that no matter what she or Karma did or said, Zed still wouldn't respond.

"Allow me."

Both Karma and Syndra jerked their heads up at the same time, the quiet voice startling them both and refocusing their attention on the path that led from inside the forest to Karma's home; there was a man just stepping off of it and onto the porch, dropping the bag he had been carrying and kneeling next to them both. Syndra was speechless for a moment; although clearly older, the smooth confidence and commanding way he carried himself reminded her of Zed, to the point that it was unnervingly uncomfortable.

"Shen."

He nodded at Karma and then tilted his head to Zed's the same way she had, and then pressing his fingers to his neck, holding them to the same point for several seconds before pulling away.

"Karma, please hold the door open. I need somewhere to lay him down inside."

Karma stood up, helping Syndra stand and gently moving her to the side. Syndra watched Shen shift his arms beneath Zed and almost effortlessly lifting him off of the floor, readjusting the position he had him in to better distribute his weight. Karma waved him through the door, stepping quickly in front of him to lead him through the house. Syndra watched them both disappear, her pain-dulled mind slowly trying to process what had happened. She wasn't given a lot of time; Karma came back almost immediately, pulling her inside and into the room she usually met Syndra; she prompted her to sit on one of the tea pillows while she moved quickly back outside.

Syndra cringed as she tried to gently lay her aching hand on the table, biting her lip enough that she tasted blood. Karma came back into the room at the same time that Shen did, carrying the bag he'd left on the porch. She placed it gently onto the table across from Syndra and drifted away again, leaving Syndra in the room alone with Shen. He took a seat opposite from her, and gestured to the hand she had just hardly touching the table.

"May I?"

Syndra was hesitant at first, but even in the few seconds she gave herself to decide the pain flared. She nodded curtly, her apprehension growing when Shen reached across the table and gently picked up her hand with the tips of his fingers. He trailed his touch over Syndra's knuckles and the back of her hand, pressing as gently as he could in a few particular spots, noticing when she flinched and when her teeth clamped onto her broken lip again. He positioned her hand in the air, making her keep it up with her elbow and off of the table while he rooted around in the bag on the table. Karma came back into the room while he was busy, carrying a glass of water and a towel balled up in one hand. She sat next to Syndra, placing the cup next to her uninjured hand and motioning for her to put her other hand back onto the table.

"For the swelling."

She gently laid the knotted towel on the back of her hand, and Syndra squirmed uncomfortably.

"How is he?"

Shen looked up after he pulled what he was looking for out of his bag, his face too smooth for Syndra to guess at his response.

"Unresponsive, but breathing. His heart rate is abnormally high."

"What happened to him?"

Shen was opening the first aid kit he extracted from his bag, and the longer he went without acknowledging that Syndra had spoken the more frustrated she became. He finally looked up after pulling out something stiff wrapped in plastic, his face still emotionless.

"I don't know. But let's focus on you for now."

Syndra wanted to argue, but against someone like Shen, she assumed it wouldn't do her any good.

"He fractured the tips of your metacarpals and the bottoms of all proximal phalanges."

He took in the confused stare that Syndra tried to hide, and simplified.

"He broke your knuckles."

Syndra pursed her lips at the abridged explanation, trying to set aside her displeasure and focus on the fact that no matter what he said, he was still helping her.

"It's not too serious- I imagine if he used all his strength the injury would be close to untreatable, but this is simple enough. I'll wrap it for now, and after a few weeks it will have healed enough for you to use it."

Syndra was tempted to doubt him; the pain she felt was serious enough to her, but she was definitely out of her depth when it came to medicine. He unwrapped the small package that he removed from the first aid kit, unraveling the length of stiff gauze and gently lifting the towel off of Syndra's hand. She was determined not to appear as frail as she had before; she kept her face smooth and refrained from biting her sore lip while Shen worked, instead letting her mind wander back to Zed. She went over everything that happened before he collapsed, everything she said and did that might have brought on the attack, but no matter how much she tortured herself she couldn't will answers into existence. She had almost forgotten that Karma was still sitting next to her; she nudged the glass of water towards Syndra, nervously watching her use her good hand to take small, shallow sips of the cold water.

"What happened?"

Syndra set the cup back down, and even Shen's even, precise movements halted for the slightest second while they waited for an answer.

"Nothing, as far as I could tell- he was fine one moment and on the floor the next."

Neither of them asked anything after that, and they all watched Shen finish wrapping Syndra's hand in silence. Syndra listened to the quiet snap of the torches on the walls and the quiet rustle of the gauze in Shen's hands, her eyes slowly drifting closed. She was exhausted; she had been before Zed's episode, and after all the excitement died down, she was wiped. Even Karma was stifling a yawn.

"Karma, go to sleep. We're almost finished here."

She looked like she wanted dispute the instruction, but Shen's quiet voice was very hard to argue against, and besides- there was nothing more for Karma to do, and she needed to be rested for the morning when they dealt with Zed. She placed a hand gently on Syndra's hair after she stood up, and spoke quietly.

"Please get some sleep."

She walked into the connecting hallway, disappearing into the darkness that the torches couldn't reach, the sound of a closing door following not long after. Syndra stared wistfully- more than anything, she wanted to be curled up in bed.

"Finished."

Shen gently placed her hand back on the table, only now it was freshly wrapped and too stiff to move. She tried to wiggle one finger, wrinkling her nose when a sharp flare of pain followed the movement.

"Treat it gently."

He was following Syndra's movements carefully, his strange silver gaze missing nothing.

"Where is Zed?"

She didn't want to spend more time forcing small talk with Shen; she wanted to see Zed and go to sleep, so that in the morning they could figure out what to do next. Shen stood up, leaving his bag on the table and motioning for Syndra to follow. He led her to one of the many guest bedrooms Karma had along the back of her house; although small, they were comfortable and well furnished, coming in handy on days like today.

Zed was in the last room, lit only by one hastily strung up torch and placed carefully in the middle of the bed. He didn't look any different than Syndra remembered; his brow was pulled into a frown but the rest of his face was smooth, and his body was limp and unmoving. Syndra stepped to the side of the bed, placing her good hand against his cheek and once again biting her lip as she fought to keep her worry off her face.

What in the world were they going to do?

She should stay with him, in case he wakes up during the night. She turned around, intending to ask Shen to get her a chair, but he was already shaking his head.

"You need to rest. I am not weary; I'll stay with him."

This was usually the point where Syndra argued with him, but this was harder to dispute; already it was getting difficult to keep her eyes open. She nodded in agreement, giving Zed one last, wistful glance before heading out. She paused by the door, looking up at Shen and squaring her shoulders.

"Thank you, for helping me and for him. For everything."

Syndra didn't know what she expected; a smile, maybe, or any kind of acknowledgment, but Shen only stared with that gaze that made it feel like he could see right through you and in that moment Syndra knew that whatever had motivated Shen to come here to help Zed, did not extend to her. He moved away from where he had been leaning against the wall, and Syndra moved to keep her distance, finding herself standing outside of the door.

"Understand that I came here for one reason, and one reason only."

The way he stood protectively in front of the room, blocking Syndra's view of Zed and essentially barring her from reentering, his motive was clear enough. His voice shifted from the careful neutrality that it held all night, and the darkness of his parting words was accented with the door being closed in her face.

"This is not for you."


	17. Chapter 17

**_A/N: ~Relatively short update for you guys, and I've already started the next chapter :D I want to thank everyone who followed/liked/reviewed lately- it's always amazing to be reminded that people actually like this story and I'm extremely grateful ^-^_**

**_Worst Rammus KR- thank you! Ahhh no hate D: Here's more! Thank you very much c:_**

**_Chickenchops- I kind of want that to be the feeling for every chapter; the low-key feeling that at any moment someone is going to get stabbed. _**

**_O-O - Here's more! Thank you so much :o your review put me in the best mood. I try my best to bring on the feels. I don't like playing against Shen either :/ Thank you, and will do!_**

**_Seth Darkcloud- I always do c: Thank you! I guess we'll have to see~ Thank you again c:_**

**_Joker- I lost count of how many times I read your review, and it never gets any less funny._**

**_Acegamingsg- Thank you very much :D I've never particularly liked the pairing much myself. _**

**_Ulcaasi- I'm pretty sure I specialize in rude- but fluff too. There will be more~~_**

**_Disdun- Wow :o Thank you so much! That review made my day c:_**

**_Alright guys! I'm going to try and finish the next chapter soon, but I'm already having fun writing it so maybe not sooo soon._**

**_Anyways! Thank you for reading, review if you'd like, but please enjoy!_**

* * *

**_You are weak. _**

_The pain that crawled along every inch of Zed's body attested to that fact, but still he argued with the whisper in his mind; arguing kept him out of the darkness that was murky and suffocating. _

I have mastered you before.

_There was a curt laugh that felt as if it was splitting apart his head, and as badly as Zed wanted to clutch it to stem the agony, his hands would not move. _

**_Look at the self-proclaimed Master of Shadows now. _**

_Zed couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't remember where he was or how he ended up there- he only knew pain; endless, sharp agony that came in waves and bursts and never abated, that dragged him under thick waves of inky blackness and swallowed him whole._

**_Look how he cowers._**

* * *

Syndra didn't want to wake up.

Her weary mind wasn't sure why at first, but a shallow sense of foreboding kept her tucked safely beneath her covers, eyes squeezed shut against the faint light that filtered in through her solitary window. She pulled the edge of her blanket over her face, wincing when she flexed her broken hand and sighing when it succeeded only in blocking the light and not her thoughts.

It was impossible to stay oblivious forever.

The steadily increasing ache in her hand kept her far away from falling back asleep, and she couldn't go much longer without checking on Zed; what if he had woken up during the night? What if his condition worsened? What if-

Syndra shook her head in an attempt to clear away the more vicious what if's and pulled her blanket away from her face, slowly opening her eyes and using her unbandaged hand to brush her hair out of her face. Even mostly covered, the chill morning air bit at Syndra's exposed skin, making her all the more reluctant to leave her bed. She sat up with the intention of finding her coat, leaning against the headboard and letting her blanket fall around her waist. It wasn't in the room from what she could see, and she kicked the blanket away from her body, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and padding softly to the door. She opened it quietly, unaware if anyone else was asleep in the tiny house and walked cautiously into the living room, her bare feet silent against the throw rugs covering the floor.

Empty.

She had expected Karma to be there, but it made sense if she was with Shen; after all, that was where she _should_ be. She turned on her heel, wrapping her arms a little tighter around her chest and walking down the hallway to the room where Zed was being kept. She paused momentarily outside of the room and tilted her head towards the door, her fingers closing around the door knob. Inside the room was as silent as the rest of the house, adding more to the pit that had slowly been forming in her stomach. She pushed the door open slowly, peeking around the edge and taking in the lone form of Shen slouched in a chair pulled up to the bed before entering. Shen didn't lift his head from where he had it resting in his right palm, but addressed her in a murmur.

"No change."

Shen's voice was forced, and despite him trying his best to hide it Syndra could hear the frustration underlying his tone. Syndra chewed on her lip, and gave the room another cursory glance.

"Where is Karma?"

She hadn't seen her around the house and she wasn't with Shen like she had previously assumed, so she was at a loss for other ideas of where she would be.

"She has an obligation to the other elders of Ionia, and it was important for her to attend to her duties. She cannot forgo her responsibilities for Zed."

Shen's tone blatantly implied that Zed wasn't the only one keeping Karma from her work, and Syndra's lip curled at the accusation. His hostility was still a mystery to her, but currently, it wasn't a priority to her to figure out why; she was concerned only for Zed and what they planned to do next. She stepped closer to the bed, keeping as much distance between her and Shen as possible and placing her uninjured hand on Zed's cheek, the pallor of his normally pale skin making her stomach twist. Shen hadn't been exaggerating when he said there was no change; Zed looked exactly as he did the night before, and Syndra suddenly felt hopeless.

"What are we going to do?"

She heard Shen sigh beside her, the small noise managing to sound despondent.

"It's difficult for me to plan a next action when Zed is unresponsive; I don't know the nature of the shadow, or what it intends to achieve by debilitating him. It was my understanding that the shadows were an art, a tool for Zed to manipulate for power… I wasn't aware it was more of its own being."

It occurred to Syndra that she knew more about the shadow Zed lived with than anyone; her comprehension of how the shadow worked probably didn't far surpass Shen's, but she tried to explain what little she knew.

"He explained it as a sort of… Symbiosis, once. They are reliant on each other, but he is in control."

Zed's confidence had never faltered, and there was never anything to give Syndra a reason to doubt it. Even now as she stood by his bedside, she half expected him to jerk awake any moment, fully in control of himself once again. She heard Shen tap his fingers against his legs, thinking through the meager information Syndra had offered.

"If that's true… if we could subdue the shadow somehow, Zed could possibly regain consciousness long enough to give us a better idea of how to proceed."

Syndra let the hand she had pressed against Zed's skin fall to the bed, Shen's words making the color drain from her face.

Why hadn't she thought of that before?

Shen looked up after the prolonged moment of silence, noting Syndra's drastically changed expression and finally lifting his head from his hand, all weariness forgotten.

"What is it?"

Syndra turned slowly to Shen, meeting that unwavering silver stare.

"To suppress the shadow…"

Her lips curved into a smile, so unbefitting to the moment that even Shen was unnerved.

"I know how to do it."

Syndra paced away from the bed, thinking out loud.

"Zed told me that the shadow came to him, but he couldn't remember anything it had said; whatever it was, it had left him in so much pain…"

She remembered how he was that night; panting for breath and in more pain than she'd ever seen him, and completely unable to remember anything that the shadow had done. Shen watched her move about the room, not quite following where she was going with the anecdote, but waiting as patiently as possible for her to continue, the soft sound of her movements across the room the only noise. Finally Syndra stopped pacing, moving back to the side of the bed and placing one of her hands over Zed's, her eyes tracing over the frown on his face.

"When I was young, the Ionians gave me to a mentor… he placed a spell on me to dampen my powers and to keep them from growing. What if we did the same to Zed? If we made it to target the shadow somehow…"

It took a moment for Syndra's words to sink in, but Shen sat up straighter in his chair, his eyes flicking momentarily to Syndra's back and falling back to the floor when one small flaw occurred to him.

"It didn't work on you, clearly."

Syndra quickly glanced back at him, long enough that Shen saw the impatient frown on her face but turning almost immediately back to Zed.

"Because I killed my mentor. Zed is currently incapable of doing so; not that we would let him, regardless."

Syndra's small confession fell on emotionless ears; whatever she had done to get it, Syndra had a plan… and a good one, at that. He looked from her face to Zed's, and after being certain she was otherwise occupied, let the corner of his mouth curve into the smallest of smiles.

They had a plan.

* * *

"You're supposed to eat it."

The tiny voice (obstructed as it was by food) pulled Akali out of her musing, and she glanced at the small plate of rice that she hardly remembered bringing with her. She curled her lip at the small pile of food, pushing it slightly away with the tips of her fingers.

"I am not hungry."

Kennen shrugged his tiny shoulders, pulling apart the lettuce in his hands and stuffing a piece in his mouth, not bothering to finish chewing before speaking again.

"What's bothering you?"

Akali picked up her fork, using it to pick at the food she had let get cold.

"Nothing of significance."

Kennen put the remaining lettuce in his hands back onto his plate, folding his hands in his lap and glancing sidelong at the stoic ninja sitting beside him. It was obvious enough to him what was eating at her, and after a moment of careful consideration, decided her anger wasn't enough of a deterrent to keep from speaking.

"You chose not to go with him."

Akali let her fork clatter to the table, and briefly considered leaving Kennen in the cafeteria alone and seeking out more silent company. Almost as if he could guess what she was thinking, he casually mentioned his next words with a fleeting smile.

"I'll follow you."

Akali sighed, resigning herself to an uncomfortable conversation.

"You know why I didn't go. He doesn't deserve Shen's help."

Kennen shrugged, not quite disagreeing but pointing out a major flaw in Akali's argument.

"But that's his decision, like it was your decision to stay."

Akali shook her head, her hands tightening into fists.

"It isn't the same. Zed is a murderer- a murderer who _started_ with Shen's father. How could it possibly make sense to aid him? His fate is well earned."

Kennen returned to picking at his food, choosing his next words carefully and speaking slowly.

"You spent time with him after he was banished… Do you really think that he deserves to die?"

Kennen jumped when Akali smacked the palm of her hand against the table, drawing a few stares from around the room. She lowered her voice to compensate, practically hissing at Kennen.

"That is _why_ I think as I do- I know better than you or Shen what kind of person he is. Even after being banished, he used something as petty as jealousy as justification for murder."

"Is he the only one letting jealousy control his actions?"

Akali glanced sharply at Kennen, who managed to keep a straight face even despite the murderous glare.

"I am angry at Shen's poor judgment, I'm worried for his safety, but I am not jealous."

Kennen nodded, not pressing the issue further. He knew Akali wasn't going to continue the conversation for much longer, and wanted to offer one last thing for her to consider.

"I'm not trying to change your mind about Zed, but regardless, Shen values your opinion over everyone else's. This decision wasn't as easy for him to make as it was for you; Zed meant a lot to him, and you shouldn't forget that."

He picked up his plate, hopping lightly off of his seat and leaving Akali alone at the table. She let her eyes fall back to her food after Kennen left the cafeteria, his words leaving an uncomfortable pit in her stomach.

As much as she didn't want to admit it, he was right.

The decision of Zed's fate was easy for her to make because her experience with Zed was so different from Shen's, for the most part. She had never been as close to him as Shen had when he was in the Kinkou, and even when she joined him when he was banished, they were never friends; she was a naïve student controlled by her ambition and need for approval, and blinded by Zed's manipulations. To her, there had never been anything about Zed worthy of saving, but to Shen…

Akali pinched the bridge of her nose, squeezing her eyes shut and cursing Kennen for his unwanted insight. Now she felt bad for leaving Shen to deal with all of this on his own, when clearly this was no easy decision for him to make, and for abandoning her closest friend out of anger. And as if that didn't make her feel bad enough, _now_ she had to find whichever summoner Shen had asked to get him to Ionia and beg him for a favor, because she couldn't stay behind any longer.

She had to go after him.

* * *

"You want me to what?"

The hand Karma had lifted to pour her tea halted, and the pot hovered over her cup, frozen in the air. Syndra tossed her hair behind her shoulder impatiently, and Shen took over before Syndra could.

"Syndra said that before Zed's first attack, the shadow was speaking to him. There's a chance that if we can keep it from communicating to Zed, that if we can control the shadow and suppress it to loosen its control, Zed might possibly wake up."

Karma put the pot back onto the table, her tea momentarily forgotten. Across the table Syndra was looking expectantly at her, waiting for a response. Karma knew where Syndra got the idea; considering how it had affected her personally, she was amazed that even she considered it.

"That might work…"

Karma was hesitant to admit it, but it wasn't a terrible idea, given the fact that they had no others.

"But have you thought it through? You know more than anyone the adverse effects of using the spell."

Syndra waved her hand like that was something she'd already thought about and dismissed, her answer already on her tongue.

"This is not the same; Zed is in no position to give us permission."

Syndra's stance was clear, her mind already made up before she even asked Karma; she looked to Shen, who had been silent after his initial explanation, wanting his more levelheaded approval before she made a decision.

"And what do you think?"

He glanced at where his hands were folded on the table and his mouth pulled into a frown. Even though he was leaning uncomfortably away from Syndra and not entirely convinced on the efficacy of the idea, Karma could already tell that he agreed with Syndra.

"We have no other ideas, and we don't know how much longer we can leave Zed the way he is."

Syndra looked back to her, biting her lip again and waiting for an answer. Karma picked up the pot of tea, slowly filling the cups she'd placed before each of them and trying to quickly think through Syndra's plan. She wasn't sure if it would even work; the spell used on Syndra was targeted at suppressing magic, and was tailored more specifically towards Syndra's power in particular- a power that knew no bounds. Karma didn't know much about the shadows, but the way Syndra described it, they weren't exactly the same; Zed wasn't born with the ability, it was acquired, and to use the same spell would be not only risking it not working, but it further causing Zed harm.

Karma was having a hard time convincing herself that that was a bad thing.

"Do you know how to do it?"

Karma lifted her tea to her lips, a little reluctant to answer the question. She set the cup down after taking a sip, forgetting for a moment that the tea was too hot to drink and answering quietly.

"Yes."

Syndra squirmed in her seat, pursing her lips against a smile and curling her fingers around her own cup of tea.

"Good. Then we can do this now."

Karma shook her head.

"I'll need time to figure out how to adjust it- Zed's power is not the same as yours, and that's what it was designed for."

Syndra opened her mouth to argue, but paused at the look on Karma's face; she was exhausted and in no mood to argue, and the last thing Syndra wanted to do was to anger the only person willing to help her.

"Fine. But please, hurry."

She left the table, taking her tea with her and disappearing down the hall to Zed's room. Shen spoke up when the sound of a door closing carried down the hall, keeping his voice low.

"Do you think it will work?"

Karma pressed the tips of her fingers to her forehead, sighing deeply and shaking her head.

"I don't know… it hardly even worked on Syndra, and it was designed for her. And now I will have to ask Soraka to help me alter it, as if enough people weren't involved in this as it is."

Karma figured the best way to change the spell was to make it so that it didn't dampen Zed's shadow, it cut off its ability to communicate with him; silencing it was their best chance at making this plan work, and Soraka was the only person Karma knew with the ability to do that.

"She was suspicious last year, when Syndra was injured, and I don't know how I'm going to explain this."

Shen tilted his head, and until that moment, Karma forgot that Shen had no idea what she was talking about.

"What happened last year?"

Karma waved her hand, not particularly wanting to get into the specifics.

"It isn't important- it's just going to be more difficult to convince Soraka to help us."

Shen looked genuinely apologetic; Karma looked miserable, but they needed her to help Zed.

"I'm sorry."

Karma dropped her hands, smiling sadly. She glanced at where Syndra had disappeared to, hiding herself away in the guest room with Zed.

"I would do the same for Syndra- but you know that. No need to apologize."

Her smile faded, her gaze still focused on the darkened hallway.

"Let's just hope it works."

* * *

"I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow."

Soraka's back was to Karma; she was flipping slowly through a medical chart, frowning at whatever was written, her finger slowly tracing over the neatly printed lines.

"I was actually here to inform you I won't be able to make it tomorrow."

Soraka turned around at this, chart momentarily forgotten. Karma hadn't left the doorway yet, and after several seconds of her not moving, Soraka became suspicious.

"Oh?"

Soraka narrowed her eyes, taking in the circles beneath Karma's eyes and the hands she was wringing nervously in front of her, her curiosity piqued.

"May I ask why?"

Karma rubbed a hand over her face, sighing tiredly.

"It would be better if you did not."

Soraka gestured to the chair next to hers, moved it closer to where Karma was standing.

"Why don't you sit?"

Karma reluctantly left the doorway and slowly took the seat, her back stiff and hands held nervously in front of her. Neither of them spoke right away; Soraka continued to stare at Karma's weary face, waiting for her to explain.

"You need something."

It was clear only from how apprehensive Karma appeared to be; Soraka had never seen her this way before, and she knew Karma better than anyone. She spoke slowly, avoiding eye contact and shifting in her seat.

"The spell you made for Syndra in her youth; would it be possible for you to alter it for someone else?"

The silence that followed Karma's question was heavy and uncomfortable, and all she could do was try not to wither under Soraka's stare.

"I would need to know who it was for, but I suppose I could… Karma, what's going on?"

Karma chewed on her lip, a recent habit she'd picked up from Syndra. It occurred to her that if she couldn't confide in Soraka, she couldn't confide in anyone, and she released her sore lip, half cringing through her next sentence.

"I need it to aid someone tormented by shadows."

Soraka's small office was completely silent while she digested Karma's words. Technically, she could be talking about a few people; the shadow arts were dangerous and fickle but not unheard of- however, considering the strength of the spell Karma was asking for and who she regularly associated with, it wasn't hard for Soraka to piece two and two together.

"Karma."

She dropped her head in her hands again, shaking it slowly at the disapproval that rang in Soraka's voice.

"Please. You are the only one I could ask."

Soraka frowned, Karma's misery making her stomach churn. She laid a hand on her shoulder, speaking low and soft in an effort to soothe her.

"You don't owe Syndra anything, much less Zed."

Karma picked her head up, shaking it one last time.

"I am not doing this because I feel that I owe her a debt- I am afraid. If we let him die, we don't know what Syndra will do. She loves him, Soraka, and she's never loved anyone before. If she thinks we're responsible for anything ill that would befall him, I fear for Ionia's safety. And you know I've always considered her family; I can't sit by and do nothing."

Soraka's mouth twisted long before Karma finished speaking, her free hand tightening slightly. She had never particularly liked Syndra and she certainly didn't like Zed, but she had a weakness for grieving lovers and people in pain; Karma didn't only come to her because she could best alter the spell, she came to her because she knew Soraka could never leave someone to suffer, no matter who it was. She also knew that Soraka loved Ionia and its people, and if there was anything she could do to keep it safe, she would do it.

Soraka moved the hand on Karma's shoulder to her chin, tilting it upwards and trying her best to smile encouragingly; it made her ache to see her closest friend so anguished, and she wanted nothing more than to see a smile on her face once again.

"I will help you."

* * *

Karma came home late that night.

Syndra was still curled up in the chair by Zed's bedside, and Shen had just started fixing tea; gratefully, enough for two. She settled onto a tea pillow while Shen was busy, shaking the cold from her limbs and trying to rub the weariness from her eyes, not quite succeeding at either. It was hard for her to keep her eyes open, even when Shen passed her a steaming cup of tea. Karma wrapped her fingers around it, thankful that at least it chased away some of the cold.

"I take it Soraka complied."

Karma nodded, moving her cup in small circles and watching the tea swirl within.

"She did. I'll perform the spell in the morning- I'm very much in need of rest before I attempt it."

Shen nodded, lifting his own cup to his lips, watching Karma stare dejectedly at her tea. She eventually took a small sip, the warmth making her shiver. She set her cup down and stood before drinking anymore, smiling slightly at Shen and making her way to her room, closing the door quietly behind her. Again guilt twisted shallowly at Shen, the feeling uncomfortable and raw.

Soon, at least; soon this would be over.

* * *

_There was a moment in the darkness that felt different to Zed; there was no less agony and he still could not move, but he could hear and smell, and for a few fleeting seconds- he could feel._

_He could hear the quiet murmur of a soft voice too muted for him to make sense of that faded almost as fast as he had heard it, he could smell cold air and the strong aroma of incense it carried, and most importantly, felt the only thing that made the consuming blackness briefly bearable; the steady pressure of a hand against his own that wrapped around his still fingers or traced over his face but never diminished or disappeared, that (for the limited time he felt it) made the torture that was his mind a little less consuming. _

_But when the darkness returned and replaced the caress, the longing he felt fueled the pain more than anything else._

**_I will take everything from you._**


	18. Chapter 18

**_A/N: Hello! Sorry for the slow update- I've had visiting family for Thanksgiving and I've written this chapter with at least 4 different endings… it took me forever to pick one and edit it. I also took a small break to write some other things so I didn't get too lost in this chapter. On the bright side, it's a teensy bit longer than last chapter (which is a long running excuse of mine for lateness, but I swear it's actually longer.)_**

**_Ulcaasi- This is serious business!_**

**_Disdun- Can I join in your hissing?_**

**_Chickenchops- I guess that could work, if Shen was sooooo super lame. Awww, who doesn't like shadow comas?_**

**_CorporalNoob- You… you monster. 5 puppies?!_**

**_Seth Darkcloud- She takes her breaks, but I think I oops'd. I love that little guy, and it definitely sucks that he's not very good right now. Thank you thank you c: Actually, the only new character is Kennen- Soraka and Akali have been in the fic ~briefly before._**

**_The Greek Geek3010- oh GOD do we need fluff. Don't you know I'm human tooooooo~_**

**_Alright! As always guys, thank you so much for reading! I'd absolutely love a review, but please enjoy!_**

* * *

Syndra was up before anyone else the next day.

Karma found her wrapped tightly in a quilt at Zed's bedside, her gaze centered loosely on his face. It was as if his affliction had spread to her; she hardly lifted her head when Karma came into the room, and her eyes never shifted away from their focus. Karma stood beside her chair, lightly laying a hand on her shoulder and finally eliciting a response.

"I would prefer to do this alone."

Syndra nodded, her usual stubborn indignation momentarily absent. She tried not to linger, letting the tips of her fingers brush across the thin sheet spread across Zed briefly before turning around and quickly leaving the room, pulling the door closed behind her. Out in the hall she tilted her ear to the door, turning away in muted frustration when the room remained silent. She walked quietly down the hall, ignoring the room Shen was staying in and continuing past the living room, heading outside. She pulled her coat on before pushing open the door, rewrapping herself with the quilt and being immediately greeted with a sharp gust of wind that seemed to filter through every miniscule gap in her clothing. Syndra readjusted the quilt around her shoulders, pulling it tighter and almost up to her nose and settling into one of the chairs on the porch, trying her best to ignore how cold and stiff the cushions were.

As far as Ionian winters were, this one was particularly brutal; even though the sun was steadily climbing in the sky, the air was sharp and thin, the smell filling Syndra with a watered down version of the excitement this weather usually brought on.

She wanted to be home.

At the order, at the fortress- it didn't matter. Hell, she'd even settle for Bilgewater at this point if it meant that Zed would be there with her. Syndra pulled her knees up to her chin, resting it lightly on top of them and squinting at the frost covered forest in thinly veiled frustration. She had never sat helplessly by while someone else sorted out her problems; the more she thought about how useless she was currently, and how badly she depended on Karma, the harder it was for her to stay calmly sitting on the porch. She eventually grew tired of glaring at the trees and freed one hand from the wrap of the quilt, summoning a small sphere that she rolled between her fingers. Syndra watched the steady movement, intrigued as always by the way the morning light played around the edges of the magic but failed to shine through the middle. The sphere increased in size the longer she ran it through her fingers, until she was no longer twirling it but balancing it on the back of her hand. She was about to wave it away when the door to her left opened, and Shen stepped lightly to the chair to the right of Syndra.

He didn't say anything as he took his seat, and Syndra glanced at him from the corner of her eyes, noting how unaffected by the cold he seemed despite how ill-dressed her was for the weather. The corner of his mouth twitched when he caught her staring, and Syndra returned her attention to the sphere in her hand, more than a little grateful that he chose not to mention it. It wasn't as uncomfortable as Syndra would have guessed; she certainly would have preferred to be alone, but Shen didn't prompt any kind of conversation and she didn't feel pressured to begin one herself. He even sat quietly as she flipped her hand over, increasing the size of her sphere and bouncing it slowly in her palm. Both of them watched the movement, and when Syndra got bored of the one sphere she split it into three, twirling them around her fingers like she had been before.

"It is very different from what it is at the Institute."

Shen's voice strangely resembled the sound of the wind, and didn't bother Syndra as much as she would have initially thought. Syndra shrugged, her answer vague.

"Everyone is."

Although she had rarely participated in League matches while she'd been at the Institute, she supposed she had been in enough that Shen and whoever else had cared to watch could have learned the basics of what her powers had been reduced to. But here, outside of League influence, there was nothing to hold her back; every ounce of the power she had access to was at her fingertips.

"It is obvious enough why Zed has such an affinity for you."

There was the enmity she had come to expect; Syndra's hand clenched shut, the spheres she had been balancing fading between her fingers.

"Is it now?"

She tried to make her sarcasm as biting as possible, but Shen remained as unperturbed as ever.

"To the ambitious, power is certainly attractive."

Shen's voice was flat and inflectionless, but the words still managed to reduce Syndra's relationship with Zed to nothing more than an incisive grab for power. Syndra's fingers twitched, but for the most part, Shen's affront didn't bother her; her pride was not so easily wounded.

"It is easy to make uneducated assumptions."

She thought she almost got him to smile; again the corner of his mouth twitched just slightly, the small movement managing to be unsettling.

"To be the Eye of Twilight means to never make an… uneducated assumption."

Although vastly different, he exuded the same arrogance tinged self-confidence that Akali had radiated the one time she had met her. Syndra bit back a vindictive grin, all too eager to crush it.

"You've never been right about Zed before."

Her words affected him about as much as she had expected; he didn't move or react in any other way, but he also didn't respond, and Syndra chalked that up to a success. Neither of them spoke after that, and the shallow sound of the wind filtering through the trees was all that broke the silence. Syndra briefly turned the idea of being another one of Zed's power plays around in her head, the thought making her stomach turn.

It was ridiculous, of course.

With everything they'd sacrificed, everything they'd been through… it was terrible for Syndra to even entertain the idea. She frowned at the forest, uncomfortable with how easy it was for Shen's words to twist her mind with doubt. She wrapped her quilt swathed arms around her legs, squinting her eyes against the tendrils of hair that blew across her face and trying her best to ignore Shen's presence. It occurred to her that where Shen was sitting now was where Zed had been just a few days ago, and Syndra would have given anything to have their positions reversed.

If only Karma would finish the spell.

* * *

Karma took a deep breath, moving her evenly spaced hands slowly along the length of Zed's body. Her fingers trembled when they came to rest over his face, and Karma fought the urge to retch. It was like the shadow inside of him was alive and could feel her touch; she felt it seething beneath his skin, following the path her hands took. She half expected Zed's skin to be as dark as the shadows, but it was pale as ever, each scar lining his face standing in stark contrast to the skin surrounding them. Karma continued the deep breathing, pressing two fingers to Zed's forehead and closing her eyes in an effort to concentrate. The shadow swirled beneath her fingers, the aura they exuded maliciously angry- but weak. Zed was unconscious but clearly not complacent in the shadow's takeover, and his resistance gave Karma what she needed to begin to subdue it.

She started to whisper the first words of the spell underneath her breath, flinching when the shadow grew thicker and more menacing in response, and when for the first time in days, Zed moved, arching his back in silent agony. Karma continued the low murmur when Zed slumped back to the bed, with each passing moment gaining more control over the shadow.

And which each passing moment, Karma felt a little less like herself, a little more ill and weak.

As badly as she wanted to, she couldn't stop the spell to rest; if she was going to finish it, she needed to do it now, before her will or her strength waned any more than it had. She took one last deep breath, closing her eyes and pressing her fingers more securely against Zed's skin.

And then she didn't move for hours.

She continued the slow iteration of the spell, and with the meager help Zed was able to provide, pushed the shadow further and further back, away from his mind and away from where Karma could feel it. She didn't see, still squeezing her eyes closed, but after the arduous hours of loosening the shadow's hold it slipped away from Zed's body, slinking into a darkened corner of the room where it disappeared into the natural cast shadows. Karma kept up the quiet incantation of the spell, her voice breathless and halting but still proceeding, until cold fingers wrapped around the hand she had pressed against Zed's skin, gently pulling it away.

Karma let out a shaky breath, leaning heavily against the bed and finally opening her eyes. They met briefly with Zed's stormy gaze before he sat up unsteadily, releasing Karma's wrist and running his hands roughly over his face and through his hair. Karma watched him stretch his muscles and swing his legs over the edge of the bed, eyeing a corner of the room strangely. Karma's breath hitched in her throat and she tried to muffle a cough, bringing her hand to her face and gently wiping it across her mouth. She was too tired to be startled when it came back streaked in blood, and she lightly touched a finger to the spot beneath her nose, staring at the blood collected on her skin.

"Are you ill?"

Zed's voice was quiet and weak, but Karma still jumped nervously. She shook her head, continuing to dab beneath her nose and perching on the edge of the bed.

"I'm fine. I just need…"

She shook her head, finally looking up. Zed looked much better than he sounded; the color was returning to his skin, and his body had already returned to its usual, confident posture. Besides the disheveled dark hair and shadows ringing his eyes, he looked just like he had before the shadow debilitated him.

"Bring Syndra inside, please. Tea would be nice."

He gave her a lingering look that held no emotion she could decipher, and then disappeared through the door. Karma slumped against the headboard of the bed, holding her bloodied hand away from her shirt and allowing herself a brief moment to rest.

It worked.

As physically taxing and trying as it was, it was over for now; it would be up to Zed to figure out any residual problems with the shadow, and Karma was certain that it was something he would do with the help of Syndra, and Syndra alone. Karma reminded herself to thank Soraka in the future and left the bed, heading to the bathroom to wash the blood from her hand. The house was still quiet as she left the hall, and she tied the belt of her coat tighter around her waist, cursing how cold it had gotten since she'd been with Zed. She lit the torches in the bathroom and let the water in the sink run over her fingers, the frigid water numbing her skin. She lifted her eyes to the mirror, mildly surprised that her face wasn't lined with exhaustion. She made sure her hands were scrubbed clean before lifting a towel from the rack beside the sink and dipping it into the water, and then gently began to scrub away the drying blood beneath her nose.

Her hands fell to the sink when she was done, and her fingers curled around the cold stone, constricting until the backs of her knuckles were white. She didn't really want to leave the bathroom; she wanted to go back to her room and curl beneath her blankets until everyone was gone and her home was her own again. Karma dried her stiff fingers after unclamping them from the sink, compromising with herself as she set aside the towel. For now, she would see to it that the spell had worked and that Syndra was happy, and then they would leave and she would get the opportunity to hide in her bed like she so badly wanted to do now.

And then she really would ask Soraka for a day off.

* * *

"You weren't supposed to know I was coming."

Akali's quiet voice drifted through the trees, followed quickly by Akali herself; Shen was leaning against a tree just inside the forest line surrounding Karma's house, pushing away from the tree and moving to meet her. He held up a well-worn piece of paper in his hand, and even though it was much too small and much too dark for Akali to see what was written on it, she knew who sent it and what it said.

"Kennen was sure he could convince you."

Akali shook her head half in annoyance and half in admiration, reminding herself definitely not to thank him when she got back to the Institute. She ducked her head when Shen was closer, nervously placing a hand over the handle of one of her kamas before she spoke.

"I was selfish and irresponsible."

She didn't need an answer from Shen to know she'd be forgiven; he understood her anger, and for Akali to come anyway was reason enough for him to efface her guilt.

"But you're here now."

She shrugged as if it wasn't a point worth raising, but didn't argue it any further; there were much more important reasons for them being in Ionia.

"Is Zed…?"

Shen's face was impassive, and he nodded slowly.

"Awake, yes. I've not yet been to speak with any of them."

Akali frowned in the darkness, and crossed her arms against her chest.

"What did you do?"

Shen explained to her what Syndra had explained to him; that they modified the spell used on Syndra to target Zed's shadow, to suppress it long enough that Zed could resume dominance.

"So how does he regain control of the shadow?"

Shen shrugged, not able to answer what he did not know.

"It was for him to figure out, and I haven't been back to see if he's thought of a solution yet."

Akali didn't ask anything else like Shen expected her to, instead beginning to pace slowly in front of him, occasionally touching a kama as if to make sure they were still attached to her back. It was several long, quiet seconds before she spoke again, and her voice was slow and thoughtful.

"If he's lost control of the shadow this badly… that means he's grown weaker. His technique is failing."

Shen listened to the musing, waiting for her to reach a point.

"If he needs to learn more to grow stronger…"

Akali stopped pacing and all the thoughtfulness dropped from her features, replaced by panic at the same time Shen realized what she was getting at. She pushed past him, rushing through the trees and not bothering to check if Shen was following her.

She needed to stop Zed.

* * *

Syndra had fallen asleep on the porch hardly an hour ago, curled tightly beneath her quilt with one of the cushions from Shen's chair bunched beneath her cheek. He'd left a short time before she fell asleep with no word as to where he was going, and Syndra hadn't cared enough to ask.

She woke slowly sometime later, to the light touch of fingers ghosting across her cheek. When her sleepy mind registered the contact she flinched awake, jerking up straight in her chair, her eyes flying open.

"Syndra."

Her tense muscles eased as her eyes focused, and she leaned forward in her chair, placing her hands on the sides of Zed's face with maybe a little more force than was necessary. Her gaze locked with his long enough for her to be sure that the spell worked before she pulled his face to hers, into a kiss that made Syndra's stomach tremble. Syndra's lips curved into a smile around Zed's, and when she was satisfied enough to let him breath, she leaned away, resting her forehead against his. Syndra kept her hands pressed to his face while they recovered their breath, her hair falling in a curtain around them. Zed repositioned the hand he still had pressed against her cheek, laying his palm flat against her frozen skin, and she leaned into the warm touch, shivering slightly. Zed used his other hand to gently remove the wrapped hand Syndra had touched to his cheek, pulling his face away from hers to better see the injury. He ran his thumb as lightly as he could over each broken knuckle, his face twisting with shame.

"Syndra, I…"

Syndra gently pulled her hand from his, placing it back against his cheek and silencing the apology.

"Don't."

She didn't need an apology or an explanation; Syndra got everything she needed when Zed walked through the door. She was content with wrapping both arms around his neck, burrowing her face into his shoulder and feeling the familiar comfort of being in his arms. Zed let himself enjoy the embrace for only a few minutes, reluctantly remembering what Karma told him before.

"Karma wants to see you."

Syndra didn't really care what anyone else wanted right then; she wanted to make sure that Zed was alright and she wanted to get out of the cold.

But she owed Karma.

She reluctantly let Zed lean away to stand and offer her his hand, pulling her stiffly to her feet and following her inside. Syndra shivered at the increase in temperature, rubbing her hands over her arms and laying the quilt on a chair by the door. They were greeted with the shrill sound of a teapot that needed attention, and they followed the noise deeper into the house. Karma was waiting in the living room, cradling her head in her hands and beginning to move for the tea.

"I'll attend to it."

Syndra laid a hand briefly on her shoulder as she passed by, carefully moving the teapot to the table and placing a cup before Karma. Zed hovered in the doorway, watching carefully over Syndra but not feeling comfortable enough to sit down and share tea. The room was silent while they waited for their tea to cool enough to drink, and Zed closed his eyes as the exhaustion he pushed aside earlier caught up with him, making him sag against the doorframe. He supposed it could be worse; with how badly the shadow tormented his thoughts while he was under its control, Zed expected more resistance. He was too weak to feel the shadow now, and the unfamiliarity of the feeling made his skin crawl, as well as the feeling that something wasn't quite right. He cracked an eye open to check on Syndra, but she was still seated at the table, warming her fingers around her cup of tea and setting her coat aside. Zed ran a hand over his face as if it would help him think, frowning in frustration.

"How long does the spell last?"

Zed had interrupted whatever Syndra was about to say, and she and Karma both looked up in confusion. Karma frowned when Zed didn't open his eyes, shrugging her shoulders for only Syndra to see.

"It wasn't very strong; a couple of hours, I would guess. Why?"

Zed didn't answer, ignoring the stares he could feel on his face. The spell only lasted a few hours; long enough, he assumed they thought, for him to find a solution to free himself from the shadow. But if they shadow had also known that Karma's spell was temporary, it knew that the hours given to Zed to find a way to get rid of it was the only time it had to regain its control over him. It didn't need the time to plan like Zed did; it had been plotting while Zed was unconscious, and now that he was weak, it was the perfect time to carryout whatever he needed to do… and Zed knew exactly where it intended to go, because it was the same place that Zed needed to be.

The box.

It was what Zed needed to learn how to control his shadow again, and if the shadow got there first, he would permanently lose his hold over it; he would never be able to use the shadow arts like he did now, and he would never be able to use them to get stronger.

Zed pushed away from the door, panic erasing the weariness that had dragged him down moments ago. He grabbed Syndra's coat from where she's set it down, picking the tea cup from her hands and refraining from pulling her up from where she was sitting.

"Get up. We need to leave now."

Syndra frowned at his tone, about to protest, but the expression on his face was enough to get her to momentarily forget her indignation and follow him out of the room. Karma got up after a moment of confusion, rushing after them as they ran from the house.

"Syndra! Where are you going?"

Syndra didn't answer, and the brief second she paused to turn to Karma, Zed took hold of her uninjured hand, pulling her urgently out of the house. Zed pulled her over the porch and across half the lawn before coming to a short, abrupt stop, and Syndra bumped slightly into the back of his shoulder before she realized he'd stopped moving. Zed used the hand hanging on to Syndra's to angle her more behind his back, and Karma took the time they paused to finally catch up. Karma was about to ask again what in the world was going on when Akali stepped out of the forest and onto the lawn, staggering to a stop and followed almost instantly by Shen. For several tense, agonizing seconds, nobody on the lawn moved forward; Akali tilted her chin upwards and reached one hand slowly behind her to rest on a handle of one of her kamas while Zed's back stiffened, and Syndra's fingers tightened almost painfully around Zed's hand. Eventually Karma moved cautiously forward, ending up nearer to Shen and Akali than to Syndra and Zed.

"Somebody _please _explain what's happening."

Syndra and Karma waited for an answer while Akali and Zed stared each other down, and she eventually spoke without moving her glare.

"Zed, you can't. You've upset the balance enough."

Syndra could imagine the disgusted smirk on his face even though she couldn't see it, and Zed spat his reply.

"Move, Akali."

It was clear he wasn't taking her seriously, but something in Akali's expression made Syndra's stomach twist; there was also the fact that Zed was weak and tired, and very obviously unarmed. Syndra moved from behind Zed's back, briefly drawing Akali's murderous stare. Her eyes flicked back to Zed, and she slowly, carefully pulled the kamas off her back.

"We _will_ stop you."

Shen hadn't moved throughout all of this, but inched slowly towards Akali now, making it clear where he stood. Karma again demanded to know what was going on, but Syndra didn't even register her words now; she was focused solely on the tight grip Akali had on her kamas.

"You cannot deny me."

Syndra suppressed a flinch, and she swore Akali smiled.

"So be it."

Akali dashed forward, brandishing a kama aimed for Zed's neck, and suddenly everything moved very, very slow.

Syndra tore her hand from Zed's and shoved roughly in front of him, bringing both her hands up and drawing on every ounce of power she could feel coursing through her body, the spheres she'd only played with earlier forming instantly at the tips of her fingers. Before she could let Akali get any closer, before anyone could stop her, Syndra let the orbs fly, every single one aimed at Akali with all the energy she could possibly bring to bear. Akali was too far across the lawn to dodge them now, and Syndra watched as if through a haze as Akali noticed too late that she had no hope of moving.

But Karma did.

She'd guessed what Syndra was going to do before she knew it herself, shielding herself with what little of her magic was left to her after the spell and throwing herself in front of Akali. Syndra vaguely noticed Shen whispering something under his breath that covered Karma in a thin, pearly sheen, but it didn't stop her from taking the brunt of Syndra's outburst, and every sphere she sent at Akali collided with Karma's already weak body with a sickening thud that broke almost effortlessly through her weak shield. Syndra tried to pull them back the moment she saw Karma move, but that wasn't how her power worked; Karma collapsed to the lawn with a sound Syndra didn't hear, and she flew across the grass before anybody else could move.

"No!"

Syndra's scream was raw and shrill, and she fell to her knees next to where Karma sat unmoving. Her hands were shaking furiously as she tried to shift her onto her side, her grip weak and slipping as she breathed the same words over Karma's body.

"No, no, no, no…"

Shen was at her side seconds after Syndra, feeling for a pulse that Syndra knew wasn't there. He knocked aside Syndra's hands when her wandering touch got in his way, laying Karma perfectly on her back and knotting his hands together, pressing them in the steady, even motions to her chest before moving to the next steps of CPR. Syndra felt a tug on the hand not currently wrapped around something of Karma's, and although she ignored it at first the next yank pulled her to her feet, away from Karma.

"_Now_, Syndra!"

She let Zed drag her another few feet before noticing that Akali was recovering and still murderously angry, and that she and Zed had nothing to stop her.

But she couldn't just leave Karma.

She dragged her feet until Zed stopped pulling her already sore arm, eyes focused only on Shen's failing attempts at reviving Karma. Whatever she'd been about to say died in her throat, giving Zed the opportunity to again begin to drag her away from Akali. Syndra didn't resist this time; she let Zed lead her through the night-shrouded forest, trying and failing to keep her gaze locked on Karma's body. In what felt like seconds they were too deep in the woods for Syndra to see anything but Zed, and she ran behind him, the winter's air biting terribly at her face and her throat, her eyes wild and stinging from the air that whipped past them.

She couldn't breathe.

Syndra could only picture each dark sphere- each dark sphere _she_ made- crush Karma's body, could only feel the savage hate that oozed off of Akali. She was going to kill them; she would have killed Zed if Syndra did nothing, but no matter how she tried to rationalize it, the aching tightness that was her chest refused to loosen, and Syndra didn't know how she could possibly keep dragging breaths through her teeth.

They slowed down eventually, both gasping for air and forcing their smarting bodies to stop moving. Syndra couldn't see where they were but saw the faintest light filtering through the forest in front of them, which she assumed was the order; she yanked her hand from Zed's when he tried to get her to move again, and he looked back to where Syndra stopped, holding her shaking hands in front of her. Her face was twisted with the fury that had just caught up to her, and she stalked forward, screaming at Zed.

"How could you drag me away from them? She's _dead_ because of me! Because I was protecting _you!_"

She accentuated her last shout with a jab at Zed's chest, but he wrapped his fingers around her wrist when she tried to pull it away, sparking another outburst.

"How do you not understand? Let me go!"

She jerked weakly at his grip on her hand, flinching when it pulled angrily against her broken fingers. She tried to pry his fingers loose with her good hand, but her fingers couldn't find purchase against his skin and slipped uselessly off his hand. Her anger completely disappeared while she worked frantically on removing his grip, and then she could no longer see her hands, or Zed, or even the forest; tears stung her eyes and obscured her vision and sapped her strength, and Syndra gave up trying to pull away her hand and leaned heavily against Zed's chest. She sobbed against his shirt while he rubbed a hand slowly over her shaking back, moaning 'I killed her' over and over until her breath came in halting hiccups and she could no longer speak.

When Syndra eventually quieted down, all her energy left her in a rush, and Zed caught her limp body, carefully adjusting her in his arms to carry her the rest of the way to the order. Syndra's cheek rested against Zed's chest, her unfocused gaze left situated on the underside of his jaw. She vaguely noticed that the arm she left hanging to her side ached painfully with every step Zed took but didn't move it, felt the sharp whip of the wind against her skin but didn't cover it. She could only register the feeling of her power leaving her body, the sound of Karma hitting the ground, Akali's almost tangible hatred. She killed an Ionian elder, a fellow champion of the League, and the only person that had ever been her family.

_I killed her, I killed her, I killed her._


	19. Chapter 19

**_A/N: I'm sorry ;-; (sort of.) Even I miss Karma. _**

**_ I'm not even sure these are late updates anymore; I feel like 2~ ish weeks has become the norm, and I've been kinda swamped with Christmassy stuff the past few days. It also doesn't help that I literally rewrote this chapter from scratch almost every day I went to edit it for about a week, and I've only kinda recently decided on a story line that I really like. _**

**_But anyways!_**

**_CorporalNoob- Okay good about the puppies, but noooo :c_**

**_Luckie Duckie- that's kinda my thing man. I have a thing for the feels. _**

**_Meepmeep- Thank you :o thank you sooo so much. I think I write Syndra's power a little lackluster and inhibiting sometimes because I am stupid, crazy obsessed with Syndra, and I've always been afraid of overdoing her power, or making her seem unrealistic, but I think I've been erring a little too much on the side of caution and making her seem weaker/less impactful than she really is. Again, thank you so much. It's really amazing to read reviews like yours, and it honestly makes my day whenever I see it._**

**_Chickenchops- A sad face will suffice! I am also very sad :[_**

**_Anthropomancy- There will be fluff friend, but depression first. And then fluff. We all like fluff around here._**

**_Disdun- FOR REASONS, VERY IMPORTANT REASONS._**

**_Guest- uhh…. Bats? ._._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- I'M SORRY. Thank you c: Whoaaaho. Syndra main here, here to whip out some cold hard facts- any good Syndra absolutely destroys Akali post 6. I will fight you on this._**

**_Only kidding~ but thank you again!_**

**_Ulcaasi- I'm sorry ;-; I feel ya, Akali is such a stick in the mud sometimes._**

**_The Greek Geek3010- I play Karma! I think she's so much fun. I feel like Syndra regrets almost everything she does. Thank you!_**

**_Okay! Thank you guys for reading, and I am sorry for murdering Karma. I am not a nice person. As always, thank you for following/liking/reviewing, and I look forward to hearing from you! Enjoy!_**

* * *

Zed could tell when the spell began to fade.

He still cradled Syndra in his arms, but his muscles no longer strained beneath the weight, and although he'd been fighting for breath before it came easily now. More noticeable than anything else was that his mind was no longer strangely clear and empty; he felt the familiar and consuming darkness that was his shadow, and the more persistent the feeling became the faster he moved. He needed to get to the box and he needed to get there now, before the shadow got any stronger.

But Syndra first.

She'd long since stopped murmuring under her breath, and the almost painful grip she had on his arm had slackened until it was nothing, and her arm hung limply beside her. He glanced down at her face for possibly the hundredth time, but her face was smooth and clear, only the tiniest hint of a frown touching her brow. Zed tucked her closer to his chest after finally arriving at the order, tilting her face away from the lights and heading quickly through the thankfully empty lanes between buildings, making it to their apartment without meeting anyone else. Zed adjusted his hold on Syndra to free one hand, pushing open first the door to the empty apartment and then the one to the bedroom, setting Syndra carefully down on in the bed in the dark. Zed lit a few of the torches in the room, walking back to the bed to check on Syndra again, even though he knew she would be no different than before; she was unresponsive when he brushed the back of his hand against her flushed cheek, and didn't move when he positioned her more comfortably on the bed, carefully tucking the blankets around her to protect her bare skin from the chilly apartment.

She wasn't going to wake up.

Not any time remotely soon, at least; he knew that as soon as they'd left Karma's house, and for now, there was nothing he could do for her. He needed to get to the box before the shadow and he needed to do it now, and it was that thought that finally propelled him through the door and out of the apartment, carefully closing each door behind him. He headed through the night and across the sleeping order, heading straight for the meeting hall, empty at this time of night. He pushed aside the door, the groan of the hinges loud and echoing in the empty room. He immediately made for the stairwell at the back of the room, pausing before he continued and trying to listen in the dark. It was silent, of course; it didn't feel like the shadow had made it there before him, but he wouldn't be able to hear it if it had, and there was clearly no one else here. He stepped lightly up the stairs, skipping steps in his rush to make it to the second floor. The room was a mirror of the one below with the same dark wood floors and small windows that lined the walls, only devoid of furniture and not as well kept; the meeting hall was open to everyone in the order, but only Zed was allowed beyond that, and he only very rarely had a reason to be up there. The floor was thick with dust that billowed around Zed when he crossed the room, leaving a trail from the door to where he was headed. There was one other, narrower staircase across from the one he stepped off of, one that spiraled to a much smaller, windowless third floor used only for keeping the box safe and hidden away. Zed's hands trailed lightly along the wooden railing, ignoring the sharp creaks of the neglected stairs he walked on. At the top of the stairs was a room only a few paces deep, and even in the relative darkness of the room Zed could see the box from where he stood; it was housed in a small alcove in the wall, covered in a fine layer of dust and unsurprisingly shrouded in shadow.

He was across the room before he even remembered moving, and stood stiffly before the box, his upraised hands shaking and his heart pounding. It was so small up close, and he knew if he were to pick it up it would be lost in his hands, but he couldn't force himself any closer to it. There was no lock on it like there had been the first time he opened it, and even standing as close as he was there was no foreboding, sickening aura that radiated off of it. The air around it felt cold and empty, and with a newfound confidence Zed lifted the lid of the small black box.

What little hubris he'd harbored before was sucked away immediately, and the vicious whispers that flowed from the box made him feel decades younger and decades weaker.

Everything he felt was so sickeningly familiar; the way wordless voices screamed for dominance in his mind, the nausea that gripped him with claws that felt real, and the way he fell to the floor, once again kneeling submissively before the shadows. Zed didn't feel like a person anymore; he felt as illusory as the voices in his head, and eventually even the nausea dispersed until there was nothing left to remind him that he was still alive and breathing. He tried to lift hands that felt weightless and unattached to anything, tried to move phantom limbs that didn't respond no matter how he ordered them. The only thing that cut through the nothingness was a touch that Zed didn't know how he could feel, that tilted his head back and bared his neck to that small, unassuming box before him.

_You have grown weak. _

The voice crawled painfully through his mind, silencing every other shout that had only moments ago dominated his thoughts. The silence was no more comforting than the insane wailing, and if anything it was boundlessly more ominous. It was indiscernible from his shadows voice, but also infinitely different; it felt heavier, more weighted with power, and when it was finished speaking Zed could finally see again. There was a new shadow standing over him, impossibly imposing despite how insubstantial it looked, and for one weighted moment it was silent.

_I will teach you, but your insolence will not be forgiven. _

Zed wasn't entirely sure what to expect from the shadow, but the moment it began to move he forced his frozen muscles to twist painfully away, reacting more on instinct than anything else; this part of opening the box was all too easy to remember, but as prepared as he was not even Zed could move fast enough to completely avoid his shadow and the arm he swung at his face.

There was nothing insubstantial about the blade that cut through his flesh, carving a line from the right side of his chest to his left ribcage, a mark that tore through his shirt and wet the floor with his blood.

He could hear the blade he could not see rip through his skin, and could feel the shadow's satisfaction as he cried out, screaming his pain through gritted teeth. Zed forced his eyes to stay open despite the agony cutting across his chest and the flow of blood that dripped noisily to the floor, to stay steadily focused and unblinking on the monster he needed to survive. To show weakness now would be to forfeit his life, and Zed was not weak.

_You will learn, or you will die._

* * *

"I do not understand."

Soraka was naturally a very calm person, and to hear her voice pitched more towards a shout than anything else was almost scary. Akali shifted nervously in response, again tugging her mask up around her nose, ignoring Shen's stare and keeping her eyes on the floor. It was very, very late, and even though they had relayed their story to Soraka more than once, she still refused to let their words sink in. To listen to them would be admitting that Karma was gone, and Soraka couldn't do that. Akali cleared her throat, her voice much more even and measured than Soraka's.

"Karma knew very well how dangerous Syndra and Zed are. She was-"

Soraka whipped around to where Akali was leaning almost casually against her office wall, and accusingly jabbed a finger dangerously close to her chest. Even though Akali stood up straight and looked at Soraka's hand like she might want to cut it off, she wisely kept silent, choosing instead to glare.

"Don't you _dare_ begin to blame this on her."

The room was dangerously silent while neither of them moved, and for several prolonged seconds, not even Shen interfered. Soraka knew Akali wasn't trying to blame Karma's death on Karma herself, but her frustration and her grief was nearly overwhelming, and her guilt twisted her thoughts; she should have stopped Karma while she had the chance, she should have told another elder, she should have done anything besides give Karma what she wanted and send her off to help the two most dangerous people in Ionia. Soraka's chest heaved as she and Akali stared each other down, her anger stealing her breath. This should never have happened; Karma never said anything about Shen being involved. He should have done something! He should have never let Akali anywhere near Syndra and Zed, and he shouldn't have even been there himself! What happened couldn't simply be Syndra's fault anymore, not after what they'd told her, and Soraka was having a hard time deciding whether or not she was more angry or grief stricken when Shen gently laid a hand on her shoulder, pulling her ever so slightly away from Akali's sharp stare and sharper kamas. She let herself be guided onto her office chair, collapsing heavily onto the seat and deciding that her angry paled in comparison to her grief.

"This wasn't supposed to happen."

She covered her face with her hands, hiding her tears from the ninjas that impassively watched her cry for Karma. Shen's comforting touch was back on her shoulder, and even though Soraka knew he meant well, it only felt heavy and uncomfortable. She wasn't surprised when Akali spoke instead of Shen, and her mouth twisted.

"We're sorry about Karma. We didn't know what Syndra was capable of, or that she would ever harm her."

Soraka lifted her head, disliking her the more she talked. She spoke as if Syndra's original target had been Karma herself, and that the entire fault was hers and hers alone; like it wasn't _their_ fault Syndra was an uncontrollable murderer. Soraka did not like Syndra, but she knew what Karma and Zed meant to her, and she also knew that an attack on either could only result in one way.

"Syndra _wasn't_ capable of harming Karma. You know that going after Zed was foolish and stupid, and not only that, but against League regulations. You did it because _you_ thought the Kinkou's ideals were more important than your safety, or Shen's or Karma's. You are blinded by your own hatred."

Her hands were balled into small fists at her sides, and Soraka's breath still came in ragged hitches. She wanted to say more, but even if Akali refused to show remorse, she could feel the guilt radiating off of Shen. It had been nowhere near what Karma experienced, but his suffering was something that she could not let prolong, and she sighed heavily, deflating into the chair.

"Please leave. You'll need to travel to the Institute, and I have other things to attend to."

Akali turned around immediately, stalking silently through the open door without another word, but Shen lingered behind, his face still smooth and unreadable.

"I am truly sorry."

Soraka stared up at him with eyes that ached and a look that he would never forget, but she did not speak. He followed Akali out of the office then, leaving Soraka alone and in silence. She took one deep, shaky breath that did nothing to calm her or to settle the shaking in her hands, and didn't try to fight the tears that rolled down her cheeks this time. Karma was gone, and she hadn't been able to save her; she didn't even get a chance, and in all her years banished from the stars, her grief had never consumed her as completely as it did now.

And there was nothing she could do to stop it.

* * *

"Akali."

Shen's voice didn't stop her steady tread down the hallway, and even when his smooth pace caught up to hers she didn't pause. Shen put a restraining hand on her shoulder, stopping her from going any further and turning her around. She jerked her shoulder out of his grip, glaring from beneath her mask and practically hissing her next words.

"Do not touch me."

She turned around again, moving steadily away from Shen and heading out of the hospital, and instead of restraining her again, Shen simply followed.

"You cannot lash out at others because of your guilt, or your anger. It's-"

Akali waved a hand at him, shouting to interrupt.

"Enough, Shen!"

He followed in silence for only a few more moments, but Akali wasn't getting off that easily.

"You know you are partially at fault, as am I, but it isn't Soraka's fault for what happened. You should not treat her so harshly, especially when her grief is fresh."

Akali jerked to a standstill, throwing her hands into the air and shouting in the empty hallway, her voice just loud enough to echo.

"How could I have known that Syndra would come to his aid? How could I have _known_ Karma would throw herself in front of it all for me? You know Zed had to be stopped. It was what had to be done!"

She was breathing heavily after her rant, and even though half of her face was still covered, she was nowhere near was impassive as Shen; her guilt was written into the set of her brow, her anguish clearly displayed in her eyes.

"She defended Zed as I would defend you, and Karma knew that better than any of us. Regardless of what we thought needed to be done, what happened has happened. But you cannot be cruel to others because you feel guilty."

She tried to straighten the slump in her shoulders and smooth out the expression on her face, but with limited success. Shen once again laid a gentle hand on her arm, and this time she didn't shake it off.

"Let's go home."

* * *

The sun was still down by the time Zed left the meeting hall.

He didn't know if he'd been up there for minutes or hours or days, and Zed didn't care; he could feel the new shadow under his skin and in his mind, and he could feel when it twisted away, finally leaving Zed alone.

It felt… Powerful.

More than just powerful, and more than Zed could describe; it was everything his old shadow was and so much more, and Zed could feel its new strength flowing through him, the feeling so unlike anything he'd experienced before. Briefly the wound across Zed's chest flared painfully, the freezing night air almost burning his skin. It reminded him that his new power had come at a price; to open the box again was dangerous, and for now he needed to tend to himself. Zed headed to the infirmary, knowing that despite the time of night there would be someone there. The infirmary was located close enough to the meeting hall, lit from both the outside and the inside, with its door open to the night. There was a student inside who heard Zed approaching, and she stood to meet Zed at the door, her eyes immediately going to the blood soaked into his shirt.

"Master, are you-"

Zed walked around her and pulled the ruined shirt over his head, ignoring when it tugged painfully against his skin and balling it in his lap, sitting stiffly on the edge of one of the few free cots in the room. His movement had interrupted whatever the student had been about to say, and he waited impatiently for her to move.

"Now, Yvonne."

Yvonne moved immediately, gathering the supplies she would need to clean and suture the wound and lining them neatly on a medical tray, rolling it quietly to where Zed was sitting. She didn't ask questions as she poured alcohol onto a towel in her hand, rubbing it gently over the wound the stretched nearly across Zed's entire chest. He didn't speak as she worked, and he didn't show any signs of discomfort; it was slow, tedious work to clean the dried blood from the wound and Zed's skin without aggravating it even more, but Yvonne worked slowly and effectively, her touch light and but firm. She looked up at Zed when she began to stitch the wound, and even though he caught her gaze he said nothing; Yvonne was used to his silence and used to people being in the infirmary without explaining why they were there, but there was something off about the way Zed looked at her now, and she was more than happy to drop her eyes and focus only on the needle in her hands.

She didn't look up when she had tied the last stitch, or after she was done affixing a bandage to Zed's chest. Zed stood when she removed her hands and backed away, rolling his right shoulder and ever so slightly frowning at the feeling.

"Thank you, Yvonne."

By the time she looked up, he was gone, already headed away from the infirmary and across the order to his apartment. He hardly even felt the frigid air on his skin in his haste, grateful that the order was still silent and empty. He exhaled a breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding when the apartment finally came into view, and he pushed open the door with slightly more force than was needed, heading immediately for the bedroom.

Every torch he remembered lighting was burning low in their holders, the muted light enough for him to see that Syndra still hadn't woken up. Zed stood by the bedside, taking in the slight frown still wrinkling her face and touching his fingers lightly to her cheek. Her skin wasn't flushed like before and it was no longer icy to the touch, but these small improvements were not enough. He brushed the stray strands of hair collected around her cheeks away from her face, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Syndra."

He hadn't expected a response, but he frowned when she remained unmoving and unchanged. It was like the last time she had been like this; he could feel her power beneath her skin, only much clearer this time, and it felt dangerous and raw, like it was hardly contained within her.

_Interesting. _

Zed's shadow didn't bother to show itself, but he could feel it watching Syndra with a gaze that was borderline predatory.

_Such potential. _

Even though Zed couldn't see it, he willed the shadow away, and so slightly Zed almost missed it, Syndra's frown eased.

"Syndra…"

He perched on the edge of the bed, laying his palm against her cheek and dropping his voice to a whisper.

"Come back to me."

* * *

**_I don't know who I am._**

**_I cannot move, I cannot breathe, I cannot lift the darkness that surrounds me. I think I'm dying; I must be dying, but it is slow and consuming and there is no pain. It is familiar to me; have I died before?_**

_Her thoughts were swallowed by the void, but they were not unheard._

**_"Syndra."_**

_It's a word spoken by no one that echoes in the dusk, accompanied by a different kind of darkness that was foul and strange, but grows and grows until it is all that can be felt. _

**_This is wrong. _****You ****_are wrong._**

_The response is slow coming, and where there was darkness before there is sickness now- a pain that knew no equal._

**_"You are Syndra, and you have been betrayed. I can show you the truth."_**

**_I am… Syndra?_**

_There was no confirmation from the voice, and there was no relief from the torture; Syndra didn't know who she was and she did not know why she was being tormented, but she almost longed for the voice that brought it on. Anything that would lessen the pain, if only for a moment. _

**_I am Syndra, and I have been betrayed. But I do not know by who or why. _**

_There was an excitement that laced the pain now, and Syndra could only wait._

**_"Let me show you."_**

* * *

There was a funeral.

Weeks later and held in the tucked away village that Karma hailed from, and it was not beautiful. It was decorated grandly, but it seemed drab to the bronze skinned and dark clothed patrons, and the silence was heavy and tragic. Not one person spoke; every single inhabitant of the village paid their silent respects over the mound of fresh turned earth that was all the world had left of Karma, gently laying home cut flowers over the grave but unable to speak words of remembrance that would never do her justice.

Only one person in attendance stood out, her dark hair tied tightly in a knot, her clothes decked with bright adornments that marked her as a right ranking officer in the Ionian military.

A captain, specifically.

Irelia didn't have a flower to place and didn't ask any of the locals around her for one; she stared blankly at Karma's smooth headstone, carved only with an ancient Ionian symbol that stood for bravery. Her hands were balled into tight fists that made her nails bite into her palms, but she found the harder she balled her fists, the less the tightness in her chest made her want to scream. She wanted so badly to complain to Karma that the winter wind ruffling everyone's clothing was so un-Ionian, and she wanted to say she was sorry she couldn't see her as often because of how busy work was getting for her, and she wanted to ask her what her favorite flavor of tea was again because she forgot the last time she visited her.

She wanted to ask, but the knot in her throat made it impossible to speak, and she knew if she didn't receive an answer she would lose any semblance of calm she now possessed. Instead, Irelia stood stiffly and quietly by Karma's grave, her blades hanging low behind her legs, fighting back all the apologies that threatened to fall from her lips. She knew that none of this was remotely her fault, but there was no one else to blame, because the only people at fault were held high above Ionian law and were well out of Irelia's reach. Irelia's fingers tightened impossibly as a now familiar feeling of helplessness washed through her. No, nobody would be punished in Ionia; Syndra would hide away with her murderous lover while the Institute of War decided whether or not to take action, and the rest of the country would be left to grieve.

And Irelia would be left with no one.


	20. Chapter 20

**_A/N: Hello friends! Sorry for the much delayed update, but it was the holidays and my birthday, and I think it was a well-deserved break ^-^ also this chapter is tad bit longer, o boy._**

**_Anyway, happy belated holidays to everyone! I have definitely missed you._**

**_RaidensRising- I've thought about it, but I was super salty about how they didn't give Kalista and Zed any special in-game interactions, and unless I get a really good idea on a way to do it, I most likely won't include her in the fic. So, you're in the clear!_**

**_TheGrimMan- Thank you so much ;-; There are plenty more updates to come, I promise you!_**

**_Chickenchops- Omg. Zed is so broken, honestly. HONESTLY._**

**_CorporalNoob- I will kill off Syndra if you hurt a puppy, so help me god. _**

**_Ulcaasi- SHAME HER. SHAME AKALI. _**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Actually, I agree with you mostly. I kind of forgot Zhonyas existed. I think Akali definitely has the upper hand, but maybe a good Syndra can manage. But I'm also super prejudiced, because I just love Syndra so gosh darn much. _**

**_Thank you! It is, and you're the only one who guessed it so far (in the reviews, anyway) and I hope no one was too lost. More updates are on the way!_**

**_Disdun- I am so human! And I really, really miss Karma :c_**

**_Okay! Thank you everyone for reading/liking/favoriting, and I appreciate your support so much! Any reviews would be absolutely lovely, but thanks again for reading and I hope you enjoy!_**

* * *

_My name is Syndra, and I have been betrayed. The voice I hear has told me many times, but I cannot remember._

**_"His name is Zed."_**

_I repeat it without inflection, because it is the only way I will not forget._

**_His name is Zed._**

_There is a feeling of satisfaction, but as usual in the darkness, there is no sound._

**_"He killed your mentor."_**

_Again I repeat._

**_He killed… My…_**

_Wrong, the voice is wrong. I can feel death, but it is inside me, and I am not Zed. I am Syndra. This I remember. _

**_I killed my mentor._**

_The sickness that had abated flares agonizingly now, and for as long as it lasts, I have no name, I am nobody, I do not exist._

**_"His name is Zed, and he forced you to kill your mentor. He betrayed you."_**

_When the voice fades, the pain does too, and I unwillingly reconsider._

**_He made me kill my mentor?_**

_How could he have forced me? The voice speaks little, but it says I am strong; powerful and twisted and dark._

**_"He is powerful, and you were naïve. You underestimated his and his shadow's ability to manipulate you."_**

_I do not like this voice. I am powerful, it says; I should not be belittled. But it knows many things, while I can remember none. I need this voice._

**_I do not remember the shadow._**

_There is something akin to a laugh in response, like the voice is partial to a joke that I have not heard._

**_"But I remember you."_**

_I have no hands to claw at myself in frustration; I am trapped in the prison that is my mind, with a warden that makes me sick and weak, but warns me of those outside my mind, those who would steal what I was born with. I can't remember what this shadow was to me, or what it has done, but I need it now._

**_I don't understand._**

**_"Zed cast me aside for power, like he cast away your mentor for yours. But we are his no longer."_**

_It is hard to feel powerful when I have no memories or control of myself, but the voice is adamant; I have power, and Zed wants it. He has stolen power before. He __**likes**__ to steal._

_There is a flash in the darkness that is not me and not the voice of the castaway shadow, a brightness that brings the strongest feeling of betrayal and anger- the memory of a long deceased mentor, begging for me to understand why he had stolen from me. I was young then, young and weakened, but strong enough to kill him and take back what was mine._

**_"There is no end to those who seek to steal your power, but only Zed could have succeeded."_**

_I don't have to speak for the shadow to know I am angry, the murderous fury rolling off of me and through the darkness in waves. I have killed for my power before; I would kill again. _

**_He will take nothing from me. He is _****nothing****_ to me._**

_I know my name, I know my mentors are dead, and I know that I am more powerful than anyone- more powerful than Zed. And I will not be taken advantage of by him and his new pet shadow anymore._

**_"Now, you know."_**

* * *

Akali hesitated outside of the High Summoner's chamber, the fingers she'd raised to knock hovering over the wood of the door. The hallway behind her was silent, as well as the space behind the door, and there was no visible reason for her to feel trepidation, but still she paused. It shouldn't be her here right now; Shen usually dealt with the political affairs of the Kinkou, and she knew she was here not out of necessity, but because Shen still felt she had to come to grips with the consequences of her actions that night at Karma's. As if hearing the Summoner's verdict would change anything that happened, or how she felt.

Akali didn't bother with knocking when she eventually forced herself to open the door, choosing instead to push it open and hoping the High Summoner didn't mind. The aging woman inside the small office didn't appear to be bothered; she hardly looked up when the door opened, and watched Akali neutrally from behind glasses that hung off the edge of her nose, waiting patiently for her to pick a spot to stand comfortably before speaking.

"I expected Shen."

Of course she did.

"He is otherwise occupied."

Akali actually had no idea where he currently was, and Vessaria could tell; she didn't voice her suspicions, however, and decided to proceed. It had taken her several days to think over what Akali told her, and Vessaria still wasn't exactly sure how to exact punishment over what could quite possibly be some of the most dangerous and uncontrollable champions in the League.

"This is a difficult situation to judge, especially considering half of our witnesses are currently unavailable for questioning."

Akali suppressed a sneer at her purposely vague choice of words, almost laughing at the idea of Zed or Syndra voluntarily coming to the institute to give their testimony; she would have to drag them here herself if she wanted answers. Vessaria was lucky Shen had such immovable morals, or Akali wouldn't have been here either.

"You all blatantly disobeyed the Institute's code of honor. We have rules all of you have chosen not to abide by."

Akali couldn't help but focus on how Vessaria lumped her and Shen in with Syndra and Zed, and she tilted her chin up in indignation. It wasn't like she had any choice but to try and stop Zed; there was no other course of action for her, despite what Vessaria or Shen might say. It was her duty as the Fist of Shadow to preserve balance, and to have to explain this and her actions to someone she didn't think could possibly understand the magnitude of the situation was beyond aggravating. It was difficult for Akali to keep her voice even when she responded, but she thought she did a well enough job of keeping her frustration out of her tone.

"Yes, there are rules. But the Kinkou existed well before the League did, as well as Zed. We cannot neglect our duties because of the claim you seem to think you have over us."

This, Vessaria reacted to; she gently pulled the glasses off of her nose, setting them on the wide desk she was seated at and folding her hands in a free spot atop the smooth surface. From the set of her mouth, Akali could tell she was angry, even if her demeanor remained just as calm and in control as before.

"Regardless of your feuds outside the Institution, you joined the League of your own volition. There are clear rules you agreed to abide by. Rules that will be upheld."

Akali's mouth twitched in irritation, and she shifted her weight from one foot to her other. Vessaria couldn't see beyond her jurisdiction, and her inability to see the situation for what it is was nothing short of infuriating.

"Shen and I have paths given to us from _birth. _Your League rules do not take that away from us. When Zed blatantly chose to upset the balance, as he has in the past, it is our job to fix it. Like we have always done."

Vessaria didn't answer right away, and as each silent second ticked away, her gaze grew narrower and narrower until Akali wasn't sure if she could even see her anymore. Akali waited patiently, unmoving and unwavering until Vessaria decided to speak.

"As I said- regardless of your feuds, there are rules. And there _will_ be a trial."

She barely let her words sink in before waving her hand, diverting her attention from Akali's unmoving face to the paperwork that was stacked neatly on her desk.

"You may tell Shen when he is no longer otherwise disposed, and we will send word soon with a date for the trial."

She looked up impatiently when Akali still hadn't moved, and her next words were purposely patronizing and belittling, managing to provoke Akali more than anything else she had said.

"You are dismissed."

* * *

News of the Duchess's death spread quickly.

There was no village in Ionia where the death was not mourned, and the shadow order was not exempt. While it was much discussed news elsewhere, the students of the order were carefully indifferent about it, especially since the same week of her death was the same week Zed came back to running training.

And he was very, very different.

It would be an intangible change to those not under his tutelage, but to the students it was unsettlingly clear; he was faster, he was stronger, and he was even more brutal and relentless than before. Although he didn't run training as long as he used to, the students were pushed harder and with higher expectations, and made to train with their shadows even more than they had been before; now, there was never a training session that didn't include sparring with the shadows, and although it was hard and unforgiving, they showed progress. Slowly and achingly gained, but progress all the same.

And Zed was satisfied.

He watched them complete the last of the afternoon's exercises, pleased with the fluidity of the movements they used to switch places with their shadows. He waited until everyone was back in the original locations before bowing low to them, straightening out of it in time to see all of the students respectfully return the gesture.

"Dismissed."

The low word carried clearly over the training ground, and each student stood straight and followed uniformly away from Zed and towards the mess hall without another glance back.

All except for one.

Yvonne stood straight and still in the same spot she'd been standing in all day, and even under Zed's withering stare she did not waver. He approached slowly, stopping in front of her and crossing his arms. To her credit, she met Zed's eyes without blinking or looking away, and Zed finally bit.

"Was there something you needed?"

The mask she wore over the lower half of her face covered most of the expression that she was making, but Zed knew she was pursing her lips from experience; it was a look he regularly received from Syndra when she was nervous, and the familiar trait made him curl his hidden hands into fists.

"Will you be returning to the Institute?"

Zed cocked his head slightly in confusion.

"For?"

She shifted slightly this time, uncomfortable at having to explain herself- Zed's intention, no doubt.

"For killing the Duchess."

Her words were a bold accusation, and while Zed almost appreciated the bravery behind the words, he was infinitely more irritated.

"I did not kill Karma."

Yvonne didn't bother concealing her expression now; she'd been so _sure_ that Zed was involved in the death of the Duchess, and her brow pulled into a frown as she stuttered her thoughts.

"But, that night… I thought…"

Zed glared, quickly becoming impatient with her forwardness; it was grossly out of place for his subordinates to be so questioning, and he was through with answering her. He pulled a hand loose from where it was still crossed against his chest and waved it in the air, and although she was nearly successful in hiding it, Yvonne flinched at the movement.

"It is not your concern. Training is over, and it is time for you to leave."

Yvonne bowed curt and low, not wasting any time before whirling around and walking briskly from the training ground, her back unnaturally stiff. She remembered the last student that had gotten on Zeds' bad side, and counted herself lucky only to be chastised and sent off. Zed waited impatiently for her to be out of sight before quickly striding away in the opposite direction, practically forgetting what Yvonne had just said and heading towards his apartment. The afternoon air carried a distinct chill that would inevitably get worse once the sun was down, and a familiar sense of urgency propelled him across the order; he knew well enough how cold the apartment could get if the fires were allowed to get too low.

Zed was opening the apartment door in what seemed like record time, crossing the minuscule living room and pausing at the small hearth in the kitchen to carefully pile fresh wood on the flickering fire. It was still warm in the apartment, and Zed frowned at how badly he'd overreacted. He ignored the feeling and left the fire when he was satisfied with it, and slowly entered the bedroom.

It was much darker than the rest of the apartment; Zed kept none of the torches lit while he was away, but he carefully tended to them now, and soon the room was sufficiently lit with their muted glow. He turned to the bed when he was finished, and took a short breath before approaching the small mountain of sheets.

It was just as he left it.

If anything, Syndra appeared to be less visible than before, perhaps slightly more hidden beneath her cocoon of blankets and pillows. Zed took his usual place on the edge of the bed, his weight hardly shifting anything, and lifted a hand to Syndra's cheek; her skin was warm and flushed, but she didn't react to the light touch. As usual.

It didn't make sense to him.

It had been _weeks_; several long, eventless weeks where Syndra's condition remained unchanging. She didn't eat, she didn't drink, and she certainly didn't move, and the longer Zed was forced to watch her stay exactly the same, the more frustrated he became.

"There must be something we can do."

He spoke out loud, and like he expected, his shadow responded; it appeared on the opposite side of the bed, standing straight and tall and unmoving, like a dark and foreboding sentinel.

_This has happened before._

Its voice was a quiet reminder of what Zed already knew and sounded very matter of fact, but it didn't do anything to ease his frustration. He hadn't been there when Syndra woke up the last time this happened, and he hardly knew anything about how her power worked outside of what he'd seen; this was never something she shared with him previously.

"I know nothing more about this now than I did then."

The shadow didn't have to physically shrug for Zed to feel it, and he sighed in irritation.

_Then there __**isn't **__anything you can do._

Zed knew before he spoke that, realistically, there wouldn't be; this was apparently something that would have to run its course, but he had to at least ask the shadow. He turned his attention back to Syndra, laying the backs of his curled fingers against her skin and almost sighing her name.

"Syndra."

His thumb traced a faint line across one of her cheeks, hoping to see a reaction and fighting back fresh disappointment when there was none; he only hoped that soon, this would be over. Soon, he would have her back.

Under the mountain of covers where Zed and the shadow could not see, there was the slightest, faintest twitch in one of Syndra's fingers.

* * *

_I can feel it._

_I can feel every second of the monster's presence – of __**Zed's **__presence- but I can't move away; there is nothing I can do to escape the foul touch, and I am forced to endure as I have been doing for countless, limitless amounts of time. _

_My body continues to betray me._

**_"Soon, Syndra."_**

_The voice does nothing to distract me from the pain as it usually does, and just when I think I can stand the foul presence no longer, it disappears as suddenly as it arrived. _

**_Zed… was… _****here.**

_I hiss the words in the darkness that is still tainted by Zed, but the voice is slow in responding. When it does finally answer, however, it is calmer and more comforting than I have ever heard it._

**_"Your mind will free you soon, and when it does, Zed will be nothing to you."_**

_I do not want to listen, I do not want his words to pacify me, but the soundless tones are soothing, and my shadow is right; I will awaken soon, and I will not let Zed steal my power. It is __**mine.**_

**_I won't…he won't…_**

_My thoughts, my words, they fail me, but my shadow does not; I can feel its understanding more than I can feel anything else. _

**_"We will stop him."_**

_I let the words echo in my mind until they blur into a soft, reassuring sound that I play over and over again, letting them wash away my anger and my disgust. _

**_We will._**

* * *

Akali let herself into Shen's apartment when she was finished meeting with Vessaria, slamming the door closed loudly behind her and standing next to it with her arms crossed tightly across her chest. Shen looked up from his desk with an expression that wasn't as surprised as Akali would have it expected it to be, setting aside whatever he'd been reading and giving her his attention. He waited patiently for her to speak, but after several long, awkward minutes of silence, decided to start the conversation himself.

"What did Vessaria say?"

Akali's expression wasn't anything to judge by, since it was pulled into a near identical frown day by day, and didn't show any signs of dropping now. She walked over to Shen's bed before answering, sitting on the edge and throwing a hand up in the air.

"What do you think she said? That woman is too dense to see the situation for what it is."

Shen set down the pen in his hand, turning his chair to face where Akali was now sitting even though her eyes were focused on the floor.

"This is her job, Akali."

It was clear enough from her expression that Akali didn't care; she thought her job and Shen's were significantly more important, and she was beyond tired of being told what to do and how to feel.

"_We _have a job, and an obligation to uphold the balance of Ionia. Should we feel guilty for protecting it?"

Shen shook his head.

"No. But we should feel guilty for failing."

Akali sighed and dropped her head in her hands, rubbing roughly at her eyes. This entire ordeal was beyond exhausting, and Shen was beginning to wear on her; the more they spoke of how badly things ended that night, the more her guilt began to eat away at her, and she couldn't stand it anymore. She was painfully aware that she had failed to stop Zed that night, and as a result, they failed to keep Karma safe.

"I should have let him go."

It burned her to say it, but if Akali had never tried to stop Zed, Karma would be alive, and there would be no grief, no trial, no guilt. There would be no death on her hands.

"It's easy to see in hindsight, but what's done is done."

It was true enough, but the words didn't make Akali feel any less miserable. She picked her head up slightly, meeting Shen's even stare with her own.

"Vessaria says there's to be a trial, but how much of a trial will it be? I don't imagine Syndra or Zed will be there."

Shen didn't look as convinced as she did; he knew neither of them could afford to skip the trial and risk losing their status as champions, and the protection that status offered. They were headstrong, but they were not foolish.

"They will be there."

Akali didn't press the issue, and for several minutes, the small room was uncomfortably silent. Eventually Shen came to sit beside her, dropping his voice and staring at his hands.

"Tasked as we are with people like Zed… people die. This is not new to me or to you."

Akali sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day, glancing quickly at his hunched over form and then away before he could look up. He didn't understand; what had happened with Karma wasn't something that she'd ever experienced previously. She'd been responsible for the deaths of many, but not like this.

"No one has ever died protecting me."

Akali wasn't someone who ever needed to be protected before, and her apparent disregard for her own personal safety had severe, irreversible consequences. Shen laughed quietly, the sound shallow and terribly out of place.

"Not yet, we haven't."

It was a weak attempt at humor, but it was based mostly in truth. Akali was used to Shen or Kennen being the only people she could rely on; in a fight, she trusted those two and those two only with her life, and time and time again her trust was rewarded. She thought back to that night and the effortless way that Syndra destroyed Karma; she couldn't help but picture Shen in her place, his body broken and still and unmoving. It would have been like that, if Karma didn't interfere. Shen would never have let her die that night.

Akali felt disgusting.

She had been so _selfish_; selfish and egotistical and shortsighted, and too stubborn to think about any of the short term results of her actions. She had let her hatred for Zed overshadow her love for Karma or for Shen, and it was that realization alone that finally made it click for her; she was wrong.

She was wrong, wrong, wrong.

"I'm so sorry."

Shame lowered her voice to a whisper, and she once again hid her face in her hands. She felt the lightest of touches on her shoulder almost immediately, and when she reluctantly looked up, she was faced with that familiar silver stare that, for the moment, eased some of her distress. Neither of them said anything, but it was a feeling that didn't need words to express; in Shen's simple gaze was all the confirmation Akali needed.

She was forgiven.

* * *

_I am restless._

_I can feel the phantom limbs I cannot move, and the body I have long forgotten begs for life._

**_I am ready._**

_I have grown accustomed to the pain, to the darkness, and I am stronger for it. I can feel it. _

**_"You will forget me and what I've taught you, for a time."_**

_The words do not worry me. My shadow will return to me, and I will remember. I am Syndra. I have been betrayed. My mentor is dead. It is Zed's fault. These words are me; they are all I am now. _

**_I will not forget._**

_My shadow laughs, it purrs, it wraps itself in its contentment. Its earlier reluctance is gone; today, I will awake._

**_"Soon, we will be together again."_**

* * *

To say that waking was agonizing was not enough.

It was slow, achingly so, and it felt to Syndra like she was trying to claw through a blackness that was more alive than she was; it was hell bent on keeping her in the dark, but gradually she could move her stiff muscles more and more. It was hardly even twitches at first, but progressed quickly to her curling her fingers, stretching her legs, trying to tug her arms free from whatever they were tangled in.

And, eventually, opening her eyes.

She panicked when she was met with more darkness; she jerked upright, setting her head to spinning, spots swimming before her eyes. Syndra held her head, squeezing her eyes shut and swallowing painfully. Everything- e_verything_\- ached, and she took several long, miserable minutes to sit and hope that some of it would abate.

Her head stopped spinning first; she opened her eyes again when she was sure the dizziness had mostly passed, and tried to move her limbs. Although still sore and somewhat stiff, stretching them relieved some of the tension, and soon the pains that had been glaring to her before were nothing more than inconvenient.

But she felt wrong.

It wasn't a feeling she readily had words for; it was an emptiness, almost, as if she had unknowingly expected there to be someone with her when she woke up. Syndra tried to ignore the feeling and stretched her hands across the bed, running her fingers over smooth sheets and the ambiguous lumps of several pillows. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and carefully, slowly, touched her toes to the floor.

It wasn't easy to stand at first; her stiff muscles refused to support her weight, and it took several minutes of slowly decreasing the hold she had on the edge of the bed before she could stand on her own.

But standing was the easiest part of waking.

She couldn't remember this room. She didn't remember why she was here, and she certainly didn't remember how long she had been there. She carefully crossed the room to the wall opposite of the bed, heading for the thin sliver of light along the floor that indicated the door out. Syndra tentatively wrapped her fingers around the doorknob, slowly pushing the door open and holding her breath.

The room was bright, much brighter than the one she was coming from, and she squinted uncomfortably at the light. It was empty from what she could see, and there were several lit torches spaced across the walls, and one small fire lit in the miniscule kitchen. Her eyes fell on a pair of well-worn chairs placed opposite one another and on both sides of a low, wooden tea table, and for a reason she didn't fully understand, she remained riveted and unable to look away; the longer she stared the more she felt that this room, the chairs, were painfully familiar. She'd been here before. She'd been here before, and she couldn't remember why, or when, or with whom.

She looked away when her head began to throb again, beginning to move towards the other door in the room that could only be the way out. She could hear the sharp patter of rain outside and she certainly wasn't dressed for the weather, but the more she stayed in the room the more that same grim feeling of not being able to remember where she was made the pain in her head grow. Her hand was clapped tightly against her forehead when she began to walk, and just as she passed the chair, the pain in her head morphed into something, much, much different.

_Syndra…_

Syndra stopped moving, certain that she had imagined the voice; it was inflectionless, it had no personality, and she didn't think she'd ever heard it before, but just like everything else in the room, it was laced thickly with the feeling that she should have been able to recognize it. As soon as it was gone, her headache returned twice as bad, and she leaned heavily against the chair, clutching her head with both hands now.

She needed to leave this place.

She turned once again for the door, but before she could even think about stepping forward, it was quietly eased open, followed by the sound of the storm and a generous spray of frigid wind and rain. A man walked in with the noise, dressed in heavy black clothes that clung to every inch of his skin and soaked through and through. Even slightly hunched over against the cold and soaking wet, he was clearly much bigger than Syndra, and with more effort than it should have taken, she pushed away from the chair to stand, her sudden unease lending new strength to her limbs. The man's eyes flew to her immediately, and for a few silent seconds that felt like an eternity, they simply stared at one another in the relative silence.

Syndra's apprehension skyrocketed in those few small seconds; the man's face wasn't inclined towards any one expression, but his stare was dark and heavy and piercing, and lined with thick scars that made Syndra cringe just to imagine how he had ever received them. Her eyes briefly flicked lower, to the edge of a bandage that wrapped just above his collarbone and at the clearly defined muscles of his chest and arms before going back to his face, noting the injury and how even despite it, he seemed coolly confident and undaunted by the situation. There was something so painfully familiar about his face, and Syndra was filled with the same incessant confusion she felt when she was staring at the chair. It was like trying to read a book written in a language she didn't understand; his face was still and unmoving, but there was a hint of emotion around his eyes and his mouth that seemed all too familiar to her, like even though she couldn't understand the language, she had spent her life studying it.

He moved forward just slightly, and voiced one small, quiet word.

"Syndra."

His voice- _that voice._ She _knew _it, and with a sudden burning of that same intense feeling of familiarity, she remembered everything; Syndra fell roughly to her knees, holding her head in her hands while memories she didn't know were hers rushed painfully through her mind; she was here, in this room, she was with him, she was with Karma, they were all together, Karma was _dead…_

**I am Syndra. I killed my mentor. Zed betrayed me.**

_End him, Syndra._

Syndra remembered everything so clearly, every single word her shadow had whispered to her when she was asleep, every cold, excruciating detail of Karma's death. She went from confused to furious in the time it took her to look up, and although she couldn't see the expression on her face, it was enough to stop the man's slow approach.

"Zed."

Saying his name made her hands ache, and even though her limbs were still heavy and sore, she lifted her arm slowly, her hand curling into a claw around a sphere of magic she didn't remember conjuring. The air between them seemed to grow physically thicker while she moved, but neither of them spoke; she assumed Zed was still confused, or thinking about how best to subdue her, but she didn't think about it for long, and she didn't give him a chance to move or respond before summoning a new sphere beneath him, throwing the one she was holding in the same movement. Her hands moved again and again of their own accord, responding more to the presence she could feel in her mind than her own thoughts, until the space where Zed had been was destroyed and broken and dust clouded her vision.

Syndra cautiously moved forward when the dust settled, her ears still ringing from the destruction. She walked carefully over the sharp remains of the chair and the other furniture that used to be in the room, her chest heaving as she tried to recover her breath. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears, but the silence of the room was still eerily prevalent; Syndra had expected a crushed and broken Zed, akin to the way he'd left Karma, but no matter which way she twisted he was nowhere to be seen. She stood where he had seconds before, staring at the floor in angry confusion, her hands curling painfully into fists.

How could he have-

Syndra twisted around before her mind even registered the sound behind her, whipping a hand between her and the shadow that flew at her from a dark corner of the room. A thin wave of the dark magic followed the sharp motion, but Syndra hadn't moved fast enough to block the entirety of the shadow's attack; one of the ethereal blades strapped to its arm cut across the length of her upraised arm, carving a line from her elbow to just below her wrist. Syndra screamed behind gritted teeth, and dropped her hand when the pain became too much for her to hold up the wall of magic any longer. She could feel blood begin to drip down her arm and pulled it to her chest, holding most of the length of the wound against her shirt and almost sprinting for the door. She didn't pause to see if Zed or his shadow were following her, she just pulled open the door with her free hand that still wrapped in bandages and ran into the night, ignoring the frozen rain that pelted her skin and the fire that burned along her arm, focused only on the pounding behind her eyes and the quiet, calm voice that smiled in silence despite everything that just happened.

_We will destroy him._

* * *

Zed followed her.

She'd left the order the moment she was out of the apartment, opting to move through the forest instead of risking the well-lit streets of the order. She was moving quickly at first, especially considering the time of night and how badly the rain was coming down, but she slowed a lot faster than he would have thought and almost limped most of the way back to the fortress, clutching her injured arm with the hand that was still encased in stiff bandages. Once or twice while she was walking Zed swore she mumbled something low and quiet to herself, but Zed never got close enough to hear it; there was something deeply, unsettlingly wrong with her, that much was obvious, but Zed was at a loss for what. She was at the fortress before he could work his way close enough to find out what she was saying, lifting herself shakily onto the nearest precipice and disappearing between the buildings. He decided not to follow her any further, watching the darkened fortress and half expecting there to be some sign that she was inside; the rainfall around him grew heavier as he waited, until eventually he felt his shadow join him in his observation.

"What's going on?"

There was something about the way she began her attack on him, like she hadn't completely intended to do it; and when the shadow was behind her…

How did she know?

_Return to the order. I will find out._

He sent the shadow away without another word between them, trusting it to move silently and trusting it not to harm Syndra any further. Whatever had been plaguing her, retaliating against her before was clearly not Zeds best move, and he feared that the shadow had seriously injured her. Zed moved quickly through the rain back and to the order after being sure that the shadow was inside the fortress, fortunate enough that Syndra's outburst hadn't roused the whole order. The quiet lanes were still empty of anyone but the occasional patrol, and it was easy enough for Zed to avoid them and head straight for the apartment. Even from outside the apartment, the destruction wasn't evident, but the inside was devastation; there was no furniture left standing and most of the floor where he'd been before was torn and broken. There was a thick layer of dust and debris that covered everything, and several splotches of blood splashed against the floor where Syndra had been crouching. Zed dropped into a crouch, following the stain with his eyes and trying to think over everything Syndra had said and did.

It didn't make sense.

She looked so confused and lost, and then after he spoke she was angry, and gone before either of them could really say anything. Nothing could have happened before he got there; he had been in the apartment just minutes before, hardly beginning a short patrol of the order before the rain started. In the time it took him to return, Syndra had woken up and adopted a completely new personality, and tried her best to kill him even in her weakened state. She was much too slow, and clearly in too much pain to get anywhere near him; he was caught off guard at first, but her movements were clearly telegraphed and predictable. The image of her face pinched in agony crossed his mind again, and regret deepened his frown. He should have gone after her, or stopped her, or tried harder to figure out for himself what was plaguing her, but now…

Now, he had to wait.

Until the shadow returned, he would have to stay somewhere else for the night; it was too late to begin to clear the apartment, and he was too exhausted to be able to go after Syndra tonight. He left the apartment, carefully putting out the torches that remained and closing the door slowly behind him. He walked quickly through the rain towards a part of the barracks less occupied by students; the room he picked was dark and long unused, and in the time it took him to change into dry clothes, the shadow rejoined him, silent for a few long, strenuous seconds that twisted Zed's stomach with a feeling of unease that was fast becoming familiar.

_We have a problem._

* * *

"We're not safe here."

Syndra's voice rang clearly and loudly in the deserted room, and she flinched at the echo. She was clumsily trying to wrap a damp bandage around her arm, pausing every few seconds to glance nervously at her bedroom door. She wasn't safe, and she could feel it; it was in the pounding of her heart, and in each rapid breath that huffed over her lips. She half expected Zed and his shadow to burst through the door any second, and she didn't think that she or her shadow were strong enough, at the moment, to fend them off. Her nerves felt tense enough to break, and soon enough her fingers were trembling too much for her to have any hope of tying off the bandage around her arm. She curled into a ball on the divan she was perched on, once again cradling her head in her hands. It was still steadily throbbing, and no matter what she did, she couldn't lessen the pain. Her arm was in ribbons, she was sure she had re-fractured her other hand, and pulse of the headache behind her eyes topped off the agony that was her body.

_We are not staying._

This was news to Syndra; she didn't have anywhere else in Ionia to go, now that Karma was gone. Did the shadow expect her to go back to the order? To the elders?

"Where are we to go? There is nowhere in Ionia that Zed will not find us."

She cringed again at how clear her voice sounded in the emptiness of the room, but it was too strange not to answer the shadow out loud.

_Not Ionia; we're needed at the Institute. After we regain our strength there, we will rid ourselves of Zed._

Her mouth twisted when the shadow said his name, and she clenched her hands into fists without thinking, wincing when both flared painfully. It felt cowardly to run away to the Institute, but the shadow was right; she was too weak to fight him now, and if she wanted to finish this, she would have to be patient. Everything would come to her, in time.

Syndra let her forehead rest against her knees, squeezing her eyes shut and hoping, _wishing_ for the pain to lessen or fade. Even though she waited what felt like hours, it never did, and she wrapped her rain-soaked body in blankets that quickly became damp and cold, moving from her perch on the divan to the bed, and curling into a tight ball between what was left of the blankets and pillows in the fortress. Eventually her fatigue dulled her pain and her discomfort enough so that she could sleep and, for a time, forget everything.

_Rest now._


	21. Chapter 21

**_A/N: Honestly, this chapter was a nightmare. I can't explain why it was so difficult for me to write, but I've spent so long rewriting it and editing it that I'm starting to go a little bit insane. This is hands down the most trouble I've ever gotten from a chapter from any fic I've written, and I'm sorry for taking forever to get it posted. I just hope that you enjoy reading it, because I am so bummed about it being this hard to finish. _**

**_My apologies :c_**

**_CorporalNoob- Rude!_**

**_Seth Darkcloud- I've always felt that as Syndra, it was really easy to abuse an Akali pre-6 and after (for me, at least) it was typically very easy to catch her in a stun and burst her. Granted, it didn't always work, but I would confidently pick Syndra into that matchup any day. BUT, I guess this conversation is a tad bit outdated since Akali got absolutely nerfed to high hell. RIP :c_**

**_Thank you so so much ;-; sorry for taking forever to get more out there._**

**_RaidensRising- Thank you so much! Gosh no, not rude at all. I don't think putting Kalista in at this point would be good for the story either, so no worries!_**

**_Thank you again ^-^_**

**_Ulcaasi- They exist solely to mess with feels! That is their one purpose in life (probably)._**

**_Disdun- We'll see :]_**

**_Guest- Maybe!_**

**_Gea5s- Thank you! My thoughts exactly c:_**

**_Adona2424- Thank you very, very much! I'm sooo happy you the interactions between Zed/Syndra seem real ;-; Thank you again!_**

**_Maxaro- Where's the fun in that! "Evil Bastard" is the best compliment I have ever received. Thank you very much! We'll see about all this "fluff" business._**

**_Guest- Thank you ;-; I assure you, I would never leave the story like that. Just a rough patch in writing, but I'll probably be writing this fic long after you guys have begged me to stop. So, no worries!_**

**_Again, bah. Just bah. I really hope everyone enjoys, and thank you for bearing with me :c_**

* * *

At some point during the night, the relentless pounding of the downpour over Ionia turned into the soft, quiet patter of snow, unknown to most that slept beneath the clouds.

It was during that dark and silent time that a lone, cloaked figure was seen and heard by no one fleeing the celestial fortress, now covered in a growing blanket of downy whiteness. With many a glance backwards, the figure that did not stop its frenzied escape until Ionia and all its darkness were far behind it.

* * *

_The shadow hid behind her power, cowering inside her mind while it waited for Syndra to regain her strength. That is why we did not see it. _

Zed was perched on the edge of his borrowed bed, hands curled into fists on his lap. _Three weeks. _Three weeks Syndra had had his old shadow poisoning her mind, and three weeks he'd sat by her side and never noticed. He'd been there every day, every hour he could spare, every second of that time wondering what could possibly be going on beneath her skin that kept her comatose for so long.

How could he not know?

His hands closed a little bit tighter, and it was only with the utmost self-control that Zed didn't break something. It was hard for him to sit calmly while he knew Syndra had left Ionia early that morning and that every second he allowed his own shadow to talk was another that Syndra was moving farther and farther away.

_She is going to the Institute. The trial for Karma starts tomorrow, and her testimony is third. _

His need to be in motion was fueled by the fact that he now knew where Syndra was going to be, but he figured if fixing the problem was as simple as following Syndra to the Institute, he wouldn't get the feeling his shadow had more to say.

"So we remove it while we are there."

_It is not that simple._

He figured as much; he waved his hand for the shadow to continue, trying his hardest to remain patient.

_It is clear she will violently defend herself, and we cannot provoke her at the Institute itself. She is still a champion, as are you._

This wasn't something that that Zed particularly cared about; the summoners he'd met briefly were not enough to dissuade him, but he knew his shadow wasn't concerned about the summoners alone.

_There is also that there is no one left alive who knows the boundaries of Syndra's power. It would be wise to remain cautious. _

Zed had seen only another sliver of what Syndra was capable of last night, and that was moments after waking up, injured and confused and now carrying around a parasite in her mind. His shadow had aptly placed apprehension when it came to facing her on more even ground, as reluctant as he was to admit it.

"Then we lure her back to Ionia after her trial. It stands to reason that she will return; there is nothing for her at the Institute or anywhere else."

Whether Syndra wanted to kill him or not, he was the only thing left in her world that held significant meaning; he knew she wouldn't leave Ionia for good until there was nothing left for her there. Although not the most solid, it seemed like their best plan to Zed, and as he quickly worked through how exactly he would go about getting her to come back, he felt his shadow's vague disapproval.

_There is something else. She will not regain her strength while the shadow remains inside her, despite what she may think. Her power, even now, will try to free herself of the shadow, and the process will only serve to make her weaker. _

Zed looked up from his folded hands, eyes narrowing at the inflectionless way his shadow spoke that still managed to make him feel like he was missing something very obvious and vitally important. In a way, what it described sounded like a good thing; the weaker Syndra was, the easier it would be for Zed to remove the shadow, and the longer they waited the weaker she would be.

"And?"

_And we cannot delay her return to Ionia, because it is not a process she will survive._

Zed had never made it a habit of distrusting his shadow, but he did now, hoping that what it told him was a lie.

"How do you know this?"

His shadow didn't move, keeping the stiff position it usually preferred.

_Because it is wise to know who poses a threat to us._

Zed blinked at the shadow, not caring quite enough to press it further for more details; however it had come across the information, it was invaluable now.

"We cannot let her attend the trial."

It occurred to Zed that if she were to go to the trial, Syndra's testimony would be influenced more by her shadow than what actually happened, and if her retelling of the night contrasted too much with what Akali and Shen said, the blame would be shifted solely to her. They needed to get Syndra back to Ionia before her trial date, and before the strain of the shadow controlling her mind killed her. Zed ran a hand over his jaw and then over the rest of his face, noting the rough scratch of stubble beneath his fingers and how the tiredness around his eyes could not be rubbed away, although it was an ache preferable to the tightness that gripped his chest.

_No._

Zed stood up, not giving the room much of a second glance before stepping out, assuming that the shadow would follow. It said that Syndra's trial date was third; if the trials were to happen one by one, they would have ample time to reach the Institute, but if for some reason it was split into twos, Zed would already be running short on time. He hurried to the apartment, walking through the wreckage to the untouched bedroom in search of something suitable to wear for travelling. There was only the smallest of closets in the room, and as he sifted through the dark cloth he tried to ignore the fact that the majority of what was hanging in it was Syndra's, mostly untouched until now. Still, he felt another twinge in his chest as he walked past the empty bed, tightening his hold on the retrieved cloak in his hands as he tried to will away a predominantly guilty swirl of emotions that felt painfully unfamiliar.

_Three weeks._

The words kept repeating in his mind even as he closed the apartment door behind him and walked through the order, and didn't cease after he had left, or even when he began to give himself over to the shadows.

He was more shadow than man when the thoughts finally began to fade, but the guilt he felt was something that would never really disappear.

* * *

There were ships that left the Ionian harbor in the dreadfully small hours of the morning, and Syndra was glad that she'd made the journey to the Institute more than once before; she knew which miniscule harbor towns would have ships captained by people who did not ask questions and did not look too closely, but it was still only after the frigid sea was foaming around her and the black shore was just disappearing behind the waves that she finally allowed herself to relax. She was cooped up in a cabin of her own, each light kept off and still nervously tugging her cloak over her hair. She gently pressed the tips of her fingers to her temples, rubbing them in small circles and hoping that it would help ease the ache behind her eyes.

But as usual, it did not.

It was easy enough for her not to focus on it, for the moment; her shadow had said little to her since she'd left Ionia, but chose now to begin to speak to her.

_The High Summoner will have sent word by now. There is a trial for Karma's murder._

Syndra's face twisted beneath the shade of the cowl, and she dropped her hands into her lap.

"There is no need for a trial. Zed is responsible. The High Summoner would be blind not to see that."

The shadow hummed in that strange, silent way it had of speaking, and although Syndra knew it would agree with her, it said nothing in affirmation. Another thought occurred to Syndra while she was waiting for her shadow to speak, and her face soured even further.

"Zed will be there, will he not?"

_Yes._

Although she'd fled from him at first, Syndra was quickly getting tired of running away; the fingers of her unbroken hand curled into a painfully tight fist, and her anger was fueled by the fact that she could feel her shadow's disapproval.

_You are weakened now, and –_

Syndra was on her feet before the thought was finished, standing in the middle of the cabin and screaming into the empty air.

"I am not _weak!_"

She stood there for several long seconds that were tense enough to almost feel, her words ringing in the still air. The resulting dizziness of her sudden motion and the ever present headache contradicted her words, but she refused to let herself falter before the shadow acquiesced.

_You misunderstood._

Syndra shook her head, but the swaying of the boat did nothing to help her equilibrium, and she couldn't keep standing to prove her point for much longer. She fell to back to the bed, trying her best to relax into the rough, unaccommodating blankets that was all the ship had to offer. She understood the shadow just fine, and it was _wrong_.

"You told me of Zed's plans to ruin me. How can I protect myself, my power and you if I run?"

It wasn't only that it didn't make sense for Syndra to flee when she should fight, but she simply didn't want to; she itched to rid herself of Zed once and for all.

_Zed may not be your equal, but he is no fool, nor is he weak. You injured yourself in your thoughtless attack at the order; you cannot afford to be so careless again. _

Syndra bristled at being patronized, and the fingers she'd unconsciously placed back at her temples began to curl into her hair, even if what it said was grounded in truth. What was she to do, then?

_But as reckless as you are, he is more by far._

Syndra relaxed the grip she had on her hair but squeezed her eyes shut, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes.

"I do not understand."

_He will make a mistake, and when he does, we will be ready. That is what we wait for._

* * *

Akali lived alone.

She had even requested a room in the Institute far away from the Ionian wing and deep into uncharted territory so that she had no neighbors and a very large apartment to herself, and it was that reason that had her jerking awake very suddenly and very violently when she felt someone slowly shaking her shoulder. As quick as she was, the hand she had lifted to strike her would-be attacker was still caught in a gentle but unyielding grip, and she opened bleary eyes to glare as she jerked into an upright position. The first thing she registered was how stiff her back was, and immediately after was that she was definitely not in her room; it was much smaller, much emptier, and currently occupied by someone she wasn't even sure knew where her own apartment was. Shen had his fingers still curled around her wrist, but released it when she tugged at his grip, eyeing her very calmly even after she'd attempted to harm him. She used her now-free hand to rub her eyes, nervously glancing at Shen when she thought he wasn't looking and trying to surreptitiously analyze herself at the same time. Still wearing her clothes from yesterday, and still a little fuzzy on the specifics.

"You fell asleep."

Shen tilted his chin to the chair in front of his desk, and Akali cringed; at least that explained why her back was killing her. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, trying to fix the mess she assumed her hair was in and appreciating when Shen moved a little bit farther away.

"What time is it?"

Her voice was a scratchy groan, and she realized now how thirsty she was. As if he could read her mind, Shen stepped into the connecting room that contained the kitchen, and spoke over the sound of the faucet.

"Twenty after 10."

Akali groaned again, giving her eyes another thorough rub as she remembered that she couldn't go back to sleep even though it was very early on a day she would have usually had off, because today the trial for Karma began and she was the first to testify. If Shen was right about the time (and he would be), then she would have just about another hour or so to find breakfast and make herself halfway presentable before she was due to see the High Summoner. She was frowning when Shen came to hand her the glass of water, but she nodded in thanks and eagerly brought it to her lips. She handed the glass back when it was empty, a thought occurring to her belatedly.

"Where did you sleep?"

The bed was thankfully only large enough for one person, and he didn't look disheveled enough to have slept in the desk chair all night. He cleared his throat as if the question made him uncomfortable, but his face stayed clear.

"I didn't."

Akali's frown took on a guilty hue, but she didn't bother apologizing; he would never let her finish it.

"Will they allow you to attend the trial?"

She was expecting the negative shake of his head, since he was in the trial himself, but it didn't make her any less disappointed. She didn't think Kennen would be allowed to be there either, and the apprehension she'd been harboring for the last week grew even more. She stood up, stretching her arms far behind her head until they gave a satisfying crack, and tried her best to smooth the wrinkles in her shirt. She'd never really given much attention to her appearance before, but she was conscious of it now, and more than a little eager to be on her way. She nodded to where Shen was still sitting, and averted her gaze as she moved for the door.

"Thank you, for…"

Her voice trailed off awkwardly, and thankfully Shen didn't comment on it; he simply made a small sound in acknowledgement as she let herself out, and when the door was safely shut behind her, Akali felt the blush she'd been trying desperately to hold back color her cheeks. She'd been staying late at Shen's apartment the last couple of days as they prepared for the trial and she hadn't exactly been getting her usual amount of sleep as the date approached, but it was very unlike herself and very… _unprofessional_ to have fallen asleep there all night. She tried not to think of how she ended up in his bed after falling asleep at the desk as she walked briskly to her apartment, trying instead to go over everything she thought might be asked of her at the trial. It was a long, depressing list that Akali wasn't especially eager to revisit, but when she was done with her testimony today she would be finished until they came to a decision. Whatever decision that would be, only time would tell.

She couldn't help but feel nervous as she walked through the Institute's halls, her mind automatically going to the worst case scenario. She didn't know the outcomes of previous Champion trials, but she assumed the summoners considered execution to be a suitable punishment for murder; if that was the course of action they decided on, not even Shen could save her from death this time. And if she was removed, stripped of her status as a champion, everything she and Shen and Kennen had worked to build for the Kinkou the last few years would be ruined; to start over was an abysmal prospect.

But still preferable to execution.

When Akali finally arrived at her apartment door, she tried to think of anything but how the trial that hadn't yet started would end. She made a beeline for the bathroom, avoiding the mirrors on the wall and eagerly undressing to take a shower, doing her best to scrub all of her sleepless nights from her skin and her hair. She relaxed (if marginally) as she breathed in the familiar scent of her shampoo, letting herself enjoy the warmth of the water on her skin before reminding herself that if she didn't leave soon, she wouldn't be able to get something to eat before the trial. She felt a faint pang of hunger that was motivation enough to get her out of the shower, dressed and on her way before she could decide a nap took precedence over food.

The cafeteria of sorts for the Champions that bothered to eat was almost always crowded and noisy, and Akali cringed when it appeared that today would be no different; there was a kitchen in her apartment that she wished she knew how to use, and even though Shen was quite proficient at cooking and often made food for her and Kennen, it hadn't crossed her mind before she left earlier to ask. She half expected Kennen to be in one of the nooks or sitting at one of the tables, but every row was filled with people that bore no resemblance to the miniature ninja, and it was easy enough for Akali to decide that she wouldn't be sitting down to eat, even if she could find an available spot. She ducked quickly between a few of the people standing in front of a shelf of something Akali couldn't really see but thought would be small enough to eat while she walked, closing her hand around a wrapper and extracting herself before anybody really even knew she was there.

She wandered in the general direction of the room where the trial was being held, swallowing her tasteless food and regretting eating at all when her stomach churning uncomfortably. Akali had never been nervous like this before, and the closest thing she could equate the feeling to was being poisoned. She tried to take deep, even breaths as she walked to the trial room, tying her damp hair away from her face and smoothing imaginary stray strands into place. Almost exactly on time, she arrived at the room, which was in a part of the Institute almost completely opposite of the living quarters but equally deserted. Akali opened the door, revealing a small lobby with a desk against the far wall and a door to its right, with chairs along the wall at Akali's back. She walked up to the desk manned by a robed summoner and glanced at the closed door beside her.

"Sign in, please."

The summoner pushed a clipboard across the desk, and placed a pen where Akali could reach it. She scribbled her name on the empty sheet, and the summoner promptly took the clipboard, motioning towards the chairs with her chin.

"Have a seat. They'll call for you in a moment."

Akali did was she was told and perched nervously on the edge of one of the chairs, folding her hands as calmly as she could in her lap. Was it a bad sign that she had to wait? Had she maybe gotten the time wrong? They were inconsequential worries that plagued her now, and her stomach was beginning to twist again when the door beside the desk opened, another one of the summoners behind it.

"The High Summoner will see you now."

Although innocuous, the words sounded foreboding, and Akali took a quick breath in an attempt to settle her nerves before she responded. She stood when she felt slightly better, crossing the room and passing the summoner when she walked through the doorway. The trial room itself was a lot smaller than she thought initially; the ceiling was high but it was only about twice the size of her own apartment, allotting just enough room for two podiums and the two rows of seats for the jury that stood behind and to the right of the podium farthest from the door. It was the same stark white as the rest of the Institute, but the ceiling above the jury dipped, casting a shadow over that portion of the room. Akali's eyes went there first, and although she already knew that the jury was going to be composed of both summoners and some Champions the High Summoner picked from Ionia, she was still surprised by some of the people she saw sitting there; she really began to question Vessaria's judgment when she spotted Ahri sitting between Lee Sin and Sona, but she was called to attention before she had much time to dwell on it.

"You may approach."

Akali stepped up to podium designated for her, folding her hands on top of the wood and waiting for the High Summoner to speak again. Vessaria was sifting through a stack of papers on her own podium, several feet from Akali's, and she pushed her glasses a little farther up her nose before she spoke.

"When you begin your testimony, you are expected to relay the events exactly as they happened and use nothing but the truth. If we are given evidence that anything you say is false, your testimony will be discounted and you will be judged as such. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

Vessaria rearranged the order of her papers, and when she was satisfied with them she set it down, now fixing Akali with that coolly superior stare that she hated so much.

"Recount the night in question as it happened to you. Please begin when you first arrived at Karma's residence."

Akali cleared her throat and she hesitated, but the majority of her earlier nervousness disappeared; she'd been over this. This is easy.

"I arrived very late at night, and met Shen on the path that led away from Karma's home and into the woods. The message we received from Syndra the week prior had said that Zed was ill, so I asked Shen about his condition. He told me that Zed was awake and weak, and I assumed that Zed would leave Karma's home and return to his order to reopen his box of shadows. It is the-"

Vessaria interrupted before Akali could begin, looking almost annoyed.

"We are aware of what it is and its significance. You can continue."

Akali very seriously doubted that she or anyone in that room had the slightest inkling of the Box's significance, but she continued anyway, deciding that arguing the point wouldn't get her anywhere. She cleared her throat, picking up where she left off.

"I left Shen and hurried to the house. Syndra and Zed were already outside, and Karma followed them out. I confronted Zed, but he refused to step down, and I tried to stop him. Before I could reach him, Syndra used her magic to in an attempt to stop me, but Karma intercepted it. Shen and Syndra went to her immediately, but from my understanding, she was lost before she hit the ground. Syndra and Zed ran away before Shen was even finished trying to revive Karma. We brought her to Soraka, but there was nothing she could do."

She remembered all too clearly how desperately Soraka had tried to breathe life back into Karma, and although Akali had to swallow past what felt like a physical lump in her throat, Vessaria looked completely unaffected.

"When you tried to stop Zed, did you intend to kill him?"

Akali was tempted to lie, but her hatred of Zed was not something she had ever tried to keep a secret, and the stare of the jury was heavy on her face.

"Yes."

She looked at the jury from the corner of her eye, but even the Champions had smooth, impartial expressions that were impossible to read.

"Did you know that Karma was going to interfere?"

It seemed like a rather uneducated question to Akali; why would she ever attack Zed if she knew it would only end with Karma's death? She frowned at Vessaria, allowing the tiniest hint of indignation to color her voice.

"Of course not."

Vessaria simply continued down her list while Akali shifted uncomfortably behind her podium.

"Please explain why you felt that stopping Zed was worth the risk of endangering everyone's life."

Akali's folded hands closed into fists that no one could see, and her lip curled. This was a conversation she already had with Vessaria, and she repeated it with the same sense of conviction she had before.

"Because Zed is a dangerous murderer, and if we allowed to him to open the Box and upset the balance, it is impossible to tell what he would have done. I decided that the risk to our lives was worth ensuring that Zed was not able to leave. It was the safety of four people against the safety of Ionia."

Vessaria nodded, briefly scribbling something on the paper in front of her, the gravity of Akali's voice not appearing to affect her at all.

"You did not physically harm Zed, is that correct?"

Although Akali wished she had, she never got close enough to him that night.

"No."

"Syndra?"

"No."

"And you immediately returned to the Institute after seeing Soraka?"

"Yes."

Vessaria shuffled the papers again, but she didn't have another question prepared; she adjusted her glasses again and looked up at Akali when she was finished, that dead stare only making Akali's frown deepen.

"Do you have anything else you would like to add?"

Akali briefly went over the story in her head again, but she was certain that nothing was missing, and she was satisfied that she had gotten to say everything she wanted.

"No."

It was brief, as trials went, but Vessaria gathered the papers in her hands and the jury that had been silent until then began to move around.

"Then we are finished. You are dismissed."

Akali didn't wait for Vessaria to repeat herself, immediately turning away from her podium and leaving the room as fast as she could move without running. The summoner behind the desk looked up at her as she left but said nothing, and Akali was slamming the door behind her before anyone could call her back.

She was halfway to her apartment before she stopped walking, leaning against the wall in an empty hallway and running her hands through her hair, taking a long, drawn out breath as she tried to sort through her thoughts. It was impossible to tell how the incredibly short trial had gone; Vessaria said nothing that would indicate whether they thought she was guilty or not, and she had gotten not a single hint from the jury. The whole thing struck Akali as very strange and almost surreal, but her apprehension for what Vessaria and the jury would eventually decide was, for now, overshadowed by her relief that all of her worry and waiting were over. The trial she'd been losing sleep over for weeks had lasted almost less than half an hour, and she was almost angry about all the wasted anxiety.

Almost.

She was still too relieved to feel much of anything else, and when she was a little bit more collected, she resumed walking, although no longer in the direction of her apartment; she didn't really want to be alone, and she drifted back towards where the majority of the Ionian wing was, following a comfortingly familiar route to Shen's room. It struck her again as she stopped outside of his door how strange it was that the wing was so deserted, but forgot it almost immediately as she raised a hand to knock on the door. The sound her knuckles made on the metal was hollow, and there was no answering movement from inside; Akali frowned at the shiny numbers on the outside of the door, and knocked again, but louder this time. She tried to wait patiently, but patience was admittedly not her best attribute, and she was in the middle of her third attempt at knocking when the door finally swung inwards, revealing a very bleary eyed Shen, still clearly dressed for bed. There was a red mark across his cheek from his pillow, and Akali might have laughed if she didn't feel so bad for waking him up.

"Come in."

He stepped aside before she could apologize, and she followed him in, closing the door behind her. It occurred to her as she once again perched on the edge of the desk chair that she'd recently made quite the nuisance out of herself; Shen wouldn't complain, but that didn't stop her from feeling guilty.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

He waved his hand as he stifled a yawn, sitting heavily on the rumpled sheets on his bed. His gaze looked much clearer now, and he fixed it on her with fresh interest.

"The trial was short. Did it go well?"

Akali shook her head, and tapped her fingers against the armrest of the chair.

"I am not sure. They hardly asked me anything."

She was under strict orders not to discuss the fine details of the trial with anyone, which Shen knew, so he didn't press her for more information.

"It sounds like a good thing, to me. If they have little to ask you, then perhaps they have already determined that you are not guilty."

It didn't make a lot of sense to Akali, even if she was being optimistic; why have her on trial at all if she wasn't suspected of being guilty?

"Or it could mean that they have already decided against my innocence."

Shen frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, repeating something Akali had heard many times since that night at Karma's, a touch of exasperation in his tone.

"You are not guilty. It is impossible for them to place the blame solely on you."

Akali nodded like she always did, although it was more of a conditioned response than an agreement. She slumped a little deeper into the chair, staring forlornly at a spot on the floor.

"And what if they do? What if I am exiled from the League?"

Her fingers curled around the armrests of the chair, and her look grew angry.

"It would shame the Kinkou."

After Zed's takeover, life for the Kinkou was very hard fought, but they had managed to stay alive and flourish despite his persecution. When she and Shen and Kennen had been accepted as champions, it forced the otherwise indifferent elders of Ionia to consider their situation worthy of their attention. She hated to think that this trial could end with her losing her champion status, and further her people from the help they needed.

"Would it shame you if I was exiled?"

Akali looked up from the floor, not quite sure if she'd heard Shen correctly.

"Why would you be? You've done nothing wrong."

Shen just stared at her evenly, waiting for an answer.

"No, it wouldn't."

She looked at Shen like the answer was obvious, and his answering stare was a mirror of hers.

"Then you should know it would be no different for you."

To him, maybe it wasn't, but Akali was very aware that the Kinkou did not hold them to the same standards; Akali wasn't as well liked or revered, and Shen had been the one that saved them the day the order fell.

She was the one who left them.

It was old news, but some of the Kinkou had long memories, and Akali would never stop feeling guilty for it. It was why the threat of being exiled frightened her as much as it did. To lose the League, her people, and their chance at finally establishing themselves again…

She ran her hands roughly over her face, all her earlier relief washed away by fresh worry. Three days. Only three more days, and then she wouldn't have to make herself sick over the trial anymore.

"For my sake, I hope it isn't."

* * *

Everything seemed to be going Syndra's way.

She hadn't been able to sleep, but the trip to Bilgewater was smooth and uneventful and she docked at the island just after midday. Syndra wasn't waylaid in the pirate's city for long, and there was a boat available to her an hour or so after she arrived, and then she was back on the water before the memory of her last stay on the island could catch up to her. The ship to the mainland was bigger and nicer than her charter from Ionia, and even though the air was still frigid and sharp, Syndra spent the beginning of the journey on the deck of the ship. There was something about the steady throb of the waves around them that dulled some of the aches that continued to dog her, and she picked absentmindedly at what was left of the wrappings on her broken fingers as she watched the sea.

_Do your injuries plague you badly?_

With the way she felt, she was surprised her shadow couldn't feel for itself; her fractured hand had settled into a steady ache, and the burning along her left arm was an indication that the wound from Zed's shadow was getting infected, although she refused to lift her sleeve and find out for sure.

But Syndra was not above lying.

"No."

_And your magic?_

Syndra lifted the unbroken hand from where she'd had it resting on the rail around the edge of the ship, holding it in front of her eyes and easily willing three very small, dark spheres into the air above her palm, smiling at them as they bobbed in the wind. Her shadow hummed in appraisal, and did something it had only attempted the other night; the shadow added its strength to hers, and the spheres in her hand doubled in size, seemingly swallowing the light around them. Syndra watched as the shadow tested the control it had, moving the spheres in intricate patterns over Syndra's head and in the air in front of her. It was a strange feeling, although not entirely unpleasant, and she felt a rush of power when the shadow again increased the size of the orbs. It was easy for her to become lost in the movements, and when the spheres suddenly disappeared, Syndra frowned at her hands, feeling the rush of strength desert them.

_Our potential is… limitless._

Syndra could feel the truth of the words resonate in her like nothing she'd ever felt before; the feeling washed away everything else in that moment, and Syndra curled her hands around the railing again, smiling at the sea.

It would be so _easy _to finish the fight against Zed.

She yearned for when she would finally be able to fully combine their strength and use it not just for small and frivolous displays of her unparalleled power. Syndra knew her shadow wanted to wait for Zed to make a mistake and make it easier for them to defeat him, but after the trial was finished, she wanted to return to Ionia; already the distance was too far, and as calming as the sea was, it was not home.

Syndra set aside the thoughts for later. It wouldn't be until after the trial that she would have to decide how to proceed, and that wasn't for another day and a half; until then, she had other things to wonder about. Now that her shadow had receded some, her sleepless nights weighed on her a bit more heavily, and she leaned against the railing, hoping her shadow would keep her mind from it.

"How did you tolerate Zed for so long?"

It was difficult for her to wrap her mind around the shadow allowing Zed to control it for all those years, just as she had allowed him to.

_Patience._

The shadow replied simply, and although she was still curious, she sensed that it didn't want to say more. Syndra freed a hand from the railing and ran it over her face, wiping away the slight drizzle of rain and the delicate spray of sea water that she hadn't really noticed until just then. She looked at her frigid hands, intending to tuck them deep beneath her coat but frowning when she noticed something on her skin.

Blood?

There was a smear of crimson across the part of her hand that she'd used to wipe the rain water from her face, and she lifted her fingers to her nose, blinking at them when they came back bloody, even if it was faint. She didn't say anything, and she was grateful that the shadow seemed to not be paying attention, and she left the deck of the ship and headed below to the cabin she was assigned. There was no bathroom, but there was a sink and a mirror situated below the only light in the small room. Syndra turned on the tap, scrubbing her hand clear and lifting her eyes to the mirror, frowning at what she saw. There was a thin trail of blood underneath her nose that was smudged from where she wiped it, but that washed away easily with water. Although she wasn't particularly concerned, Syndra was certainly confused; broken bones and headaches didn't cause nosebleeds.

"Curse this weather."

Cold weather had a habit of making her ill, and although it had never given her a nosebleed before, it had stopped already and didn't pain her in any way. She dried her hands and her face with a towel on the side of the basin, and changed her damp cloak in favor of something dry to wear when she curled into her bed, making sure her nose had really stopped bleeding before closing her eyes. The steady sway of the ship helped lull her almost to sleep, but like the night before, her rest was short lived; in-between brief stretches of dreamless sleep she was awakened by headaches and a growing discomfort from the infected arm.

She gave up entirely on sleep around dawn, but instead of searching for food or heading back to the deck of the ship, she decided to stay in the cabin, not sleeping but resting the best she could before they arrived at the mainland later in the day. She only got up once that morning to change the bandages on her left arm, frowning in unconcealed worry at the swollen skin that hurt just to look at. Now she wasn't only excited to reach the mainland, but desperate; her knowledge of bodily injuries was miniscule at best, but she knew she couldn't go without treating her arm for much longer. She rewrapped the bandages loosely and pulled her sleeve back over the wound, setting it as gently as she could on her lap. She sat up against the wall of the cabin, pulling her knees up to her chest and setting her chin on top.

Syndra fixed her gaze on the opposite wall of the cabin, and the more unfocused it grew the more and more she forgot about her arm. She couldn't help but think of the trial, of Zed, of how badly she ached to crush the life from his thieving body. She closed her eyes as she imagined how it would feel to defeat him and his shadow, to once again have Ionia to herself, to avenge Karma, and to have defended her power against yet another that wished to take it.

And in that darkened ship from Bilgewater, Syndra daydreamed of murder and smiled.


	22. Chapter 22

**_A/N: Hello! I haven't done this in forever, but I typed out a little of my own headcanon about the Institute and I put it below the chapter just in case anyone doesn't want to read it before the chapter (it might spoil something, not sure.) I just wanted to clarify some things for the future!_**

**_Anyway-_**

**_Ulcaasi- Makes sense. I think I'm passed that now, and I'm getting pretty thirsty for fluff ahhh._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Ohhhh god the Rift Limp LOL. _**

**_Thank you! I'm honestly having a blast writing Syndra this way. It's definitely something new for me. Eyy there's my girl. Step aside Akali._**

**_Marfralle- Sorry and thank you at the same time! Hey, no worries! I don't think there's ever a stupid reason to be depressed ( you feel what you feel and I hope you're feeling better) but wow, thank you. I'm so glad I could help in any way. Hopefully everyone doesn't hate Akali for too long! Shen is meh to me too, no worries. _**

**_Again, thank you so much, and your English is fine! I definitely remember you and Lissyndra c: Also I love you too :3_**

**_Mikachu- Thank you so so much ;-; May the shadows bless me with more SyndraxZed goodness. Mmm I'm not sure exactly if that's what I had in mind, but you'll have to read and see!_**

**_Thanks everyone for reading, and I hope you enjoy! C:_**

* * *

The day the town below the Institute was built was the day Seldric left home.

The Institute of War to him, like most people his age, was a shining beacon of slim hope that he and everyone like him strove for; to imagine himself as a champion was one of his favorite past times, but since he wasn't gifted with magic, didn't have a way with knives and was from a town a little too buried in the wilderness below the Freljord, it was clear to himself and anyone who knew him that Seldric was not champion material. But it was easy enough to decide that if he couldn't _be_ a champion, the next best thing was to live with them.

Well, next to them.

The white marble arches that signified the opening of the Institute itself were just visible from the hotel that Seldric worked in, but was inaccessible to anyone that wasn't a champion or a summoner. Luckily for him and most of the people that made up the no-named town, the champions didn't really like to stay in the Institute itself; for those that could leave and maybe didn't want to go all the way back to their home countries, the town was a home away from home, and since Seldric's hotel was the largest, he regularly saw champions in and out of the establishment. Like this morning, for example: a not-so-sneaky redhead and a very large man that Seldric really didn't think was Darius were fleeing the lobby, tugging cloaks over their heads and tossing looks over their shoulders without giving anyone else in the room so much as half a glance. And even though he knew (and was a little jealous of) that the Ionians preferred the quieter inn down the road that served tea and not coffee like his own hotel, the Master of Shadows himself had walked in for the first time ever that night and requested in a room in the most silent but simultaneously most threatening way that Seldric had ever heard.

Or mostly seen, since there had been very few words and a lot of nervous glances at a metal mask.

Still, he had a friend who worked in the Ionian inn and couldn't wait to rub in his face that the first time someone like Zed had picked to stay in the town was in _his_ hotel. He'd be bragging about that one for weeks.

Seldric didn't actually sleep in the hotel, although most nights he was tempted. He had a decently sized apartment on the edge of town that he shared with one of his friends, but it was dark and quiet when he got there, making it easy enough to fall right asleep after a very long, but arguably enjoyable day of work, and in the morning when he was well rested and ready to do it again, he left the house just a few minutes earlier with the slim hopes of catching Zed on his way out, or someone new on the way in during the wee hours of the morning where they were less likely to be seen. He clocked into work faster than he might have normally, heading to the front desk to snoop through the pages of the admittance booklet. It was open to a fresh page for this morning that had only been marked once so far, and as Seldric's usual luck would have it, it was Zed checking out. He sighed as he pushed the book back into place, but his disappointment only went so far; he really had to hand it to Zed for getting up that early just to avoid… well, everyone, probably. It was real dedication.

His shift that day was making a run for one of the most boring ever, and he spent the majority of it "resting his eyes" or drawing stick figures in the way, way back of the admittance book and hoping that no one would see it before he had a chance to switch it out at a later date. He was about halfway through one of these masterpieces when a very irritated sigh interrupted him, accompanied by the impatient click of fingernails on the countertop. He sat up with a smile that he tried to keep embarrassment-free, the expression freezing on his face when he saw who was standing in front of him.

Did he say he had bad luck?

Must have been a different Seldric, because even if she was wearing a dark hood that practically covered her from head to toe (honestly, he would never understand why the champions liked them so much) the silver hair and lavender eyes were a dead giveaway. Upon closer inspection, Seldric decided she rather looked like a mess, but even with the dark circles under her eyes and the sickly skin that made her look deathly ill, Syndra still set his heart to racing.

"I require a room."

The tone of her voice implied that this was something she'd probably asked a hundred times since he'd looked up, even though he knew for sure she hadn't spoken until then. He tapped a pen nervously against the admittance book, and slid it over to Syndra's side of the counter.

"Just sign in, and I'll get you a key."

He couldn't turn around fast enough, picking a key off the wall at random, only just beginning to pull it off of its hook when he heard what could only be described as a growl behind him. What he really wanted to do was run; the sound he heard was so instinctively _wrong, _but he turned slowly anyway, already flinching in anticipation.

Syndra had the admittance sheet in her hands, crushing the edges of the booklet in her fingers, and now that her right hand was no longer at her side, Seldric saw the dirty bandages that were wrapped around her fingers. He didn't have time to wonder about it before Syndra spoke, but from the way she talked, it wasn't to him.

"He mocks us now!"

As impatient as she had been seconds ago was how insanely furious she was now, and the rest of the book was crushed in a bright flash of purple. She stood there for a second, her hands curled into claws and her chest heaving as she stared at the floor where a few lingering shreds of paper had settled, and when Seldric accidentally took a very involuntary step backwards, she jerked her head up, her hood falling behind her shoulders. Without the cowl to shield them, her eyes looked that much brighter, and her skin all the more sallow; she looked almost deranged under the light, and Seldric stopped breathing.

"You _knew!_"

Her voice was so eerily similar to the growl that Seldric had no hope of responding, and Syndra didn't give him another chance.

She used a sphere he didn't see her summon to clear a path _through_ the counter, and then using another orb in the bandaged hand to crush him before he'd get another chance to curse his bad luck.

* * *

_Was it your intention for her to harm the boy?_

In the stark white halls of the Institute where shadows were few and far between, his own was faint, its whispers hardly reaching his mind. Zed hadn't given it much thought since that morning, and as he walked through the Institute, he knew his shadow felt as he did; he was running short on time, and there was nothing he would not do to get Syndra back to Ionia.

"I meant to provoke her. She is more unbalanced than we anticipated."

He didn't think simply staying in the same hotel as her would be incentive enough to get her to leave the Institute before the trial, and the fact that he still didn't have a more concrete plan was weighing on him heavily.

_We cannot delay much longer. _

"As I am well aware."

His shadow didn't respond as he finally turned a corner in the hallway, arriving at the room he was told the trial was being held in; he was late, having been shadowing Syndra most of the morning while he tried to figure out why she hadn't left the town yet, and the receptionist behind the desk gave him a look that was equal parts fear and exasperation.

"You're late. The High Summoner is displeased."

Zed hoped that the apathy he felt for the High Summoner's feelings showed clearly on his face, but doubted that the girl would notice; with only a mask to cover the bottom half of his face, there were enough scars visible that the summoner was pointedly keeping her eyes on anything but him.

"Have a seat. They'll send someone out for you in a moment."

Zed ignored the chairs she gestured to and instead leaned against the wall beside the door, crossing his arms over his chest and wondering how long the trial could possibly take. He couldn't afford to be there all morning, and his patience was already wearing thin. He thought again of how Syndra had yet to come to the Institute, despite her trial being the next morning; if she was avoiding it because she knew Zed was there, that meant she was afraid, and that would make it nearly impossible for him to get her away from the Institute without physically removing her.

Which, at this point, was starting to seem like his last option.

Considering what she'd done to the boy working at the hotel at the mere mention of his name, Zed wasn't especially eager to confront her in a town full of people, and if he did it when she finally decided to come to the Institute it would only further complicate the situation they were both in. Zed rubbed a hand over his face, not surprised at his shadows sudden desire to comment.

_How then, do you propose to do it?_

The whisper reached him the same time that the door across the room was opened by another summoner, and Zed used the distraction as an excuse not to answer the shadow. The summoner waved him inside, giving him a wide berth as he crossed through the doorway and shutting the door when he was inside. The trial room, unlike the lobby, was much darker, and his shadows presence was considerably heavier in there than anywhere else in the Institute that he'd been that morning. He stepped up to the podium he assumed was for him, his eyes flicking from the High Summoner and to the jury, around the room and eventually back to Vessaria. There was nothing noteworthy about the room and most of the jury were people he didn't recognize, with the exception of Ahri and the Ionian captain that he thought was the one Syndra knew. Vessaria cleared her throat before he had time to wonder, tapping her fingers impatiently against a stack of papers under her hands.

"Nice of you to join us."

Zed didn't deem the sarcastic comment worthy of an answer, and he knew Vessaria didn't expect one; she continued on in almost the same breath, already sounding like she'd had enough of the trial for that day.

"When answering a question, you are expected to use nothing but the truth. If we are given evidence that anything you say is false, you will be judged as such. Do you understand?"

Zed nodded, and although Vessaria looked like she was annoyed at the lack of a verbal response, she began the trial with no further delay.

"Recount the night of Karma's death exactly as it happened to you. Begin the moment you woke up please."

Zed hadn't had much time to actually think about the trial in the last few days, and now that he was here, it struck him how infuriating it was to have to explain himself to people like the summoners.

"I was ill, and when I awoke at Karma's house I immediately tried to leave, but Syndra was resistant. When we were eventually on our way, Akali tried to stop us. Assuming she intended to harm me, Syndra interfered, and Karma took Akali's place. Having already been weak that night, Karma did not survive."

Vessaria frowned at the truncated explanation, and pursed her lips like she wanted to say something not entirely related to the trial.

"Did you feel that Akali intended to lethally harm you?"

The corner of Zed's mouth twitched beneath the mask, despite how uncomfortable he was overall.

"I believe that is what she expected."

Vessaria narrowed her eyes, and although he couldn't see her hands, Zed imagined that they were balled into fists behind the podium.

"Did you tell Syndra to attack Akali?"

Zed's outward expression remained unchanged, and he answered evenly.

"No."

"Did you in any way physically harm Akali, Shen, or Karma?"

"No."

"Do you think that without Syndra's interference that Akali would have endangered your life or Syndra's that night?"

As easy as the trial had been up until then, it gave Zed pause now; it was almost a physical ache to actually consider Akali a threat, and his pride almost kept him from saying yes in an attempt to sway the jury to his side.

"Yes."

Vessaria raised an eyebrow, not bothering to conceal her surprise at the answer, but a quick glance at the jury showed that their expressions remained impassive.

"Do you think she would have killed you?"

It felt to Zed that Vessaria was pushing him to admit that he wouldn't have been able to handle Akali if Syndra hadn't been there, and his fingers began to curl into fists of their own.

"I was ill and weak. There is a possibility she could have harmed me."

It wasn't exactly an answer to her question and Zed knew it, but already the words tasted sour in his mouth. The High Summoner didn't immediately respond with a question, and as she shifted through the stack of papers on her podium Zed let his eyes wander very quickly through the room. The jury sat very still in their chairs, and behind them were the inky shadows that made it so even here, his shadow felt strong, despite it choosing to stay silent during the trial thus far. It briefly made an appearance behind one of the summoners in the jury, and as it melted back into the natural shadows in the corners of the room the beginnings of an idea flickered across Zed's thoughts, although they were quickly interrupted.

"When Karma was attacked, Akali, Shen _and_ Syndra attempted to help her before you left with Syndra. Please explain why you left a fellow champion you knew to be injured."

Zed frowned at the relevancy of the question, almost surprised that Vessaria was even using it, and moved his gaze back to her, the inklings of a plan still fresh in his mind.

"Being a champion forbids me from harming another, but does not require me to aid them. And Karma was not injured- she was dead."

Zed had known it the second that Syndra moved that night that Akali (or Karma, as it turned out) would not survive her fury. Shen and Akali may have believed in their guilty desperation that Karma was clinging to life and that they could save her, but he was not as naïve. Vessaria had been expressive throughout the trial, but at Zed's blunt explanation had carefully controlled her features into impassivity.

"Is there anything else you would like to add?"

She looked like she wanted Zed to leave as much as he did, and he responded almost before she was finished speaking.

"No."

"Then you are dismissed."

Zed bowed as politely as he could to the High Summoner and the jury, turning on a heel and striding from the room. He could feel the eyes of the summoner behind the desk on him as he crossed the lobby in two very long strides, and as he slammed the door behind him the fading voice of his shadow once again reappeared.

_You have a plan._

It wasn't a question; the shadow could feel the desperation of the last few days lifting, replaced with new excitement.

"Yes, I do."

_Good. Syndra is on her way._

* * *

_You are being impatient. Your trial date is set for tomorrow; going to the Institute now will do you now good. _

Syndra wasn't listening to the voice in her mind that couldn't seem to stop; there were too many things going through her head, too many thoughts and ideas vying for attention. She would not sit in this lowly town and wait for Zed to run away. She would go to the Institute, she would finish her trial and make sure that the High Summoner knew that Zed was at fault for everything, and she would run him down like the dog he was.

_You are being __**foolish**__. There is a reason he is not being careful to avoid you._

A few days ago, Syndra would have been offended at her shadow calling her foolish; yesterday, she would have been angry.

Today, she didn't care.

What more did the shadow know about Zed than she? Certainly not much if it allowed itself to be enslaved for decades, and the shadow had never had anywhere near the power that Syndra did; if she wanted to end Zed, she would, and when the time finally came she would use her shadow's strength just like they planned.

There were summoners standing guard outside the Institute that made sure no one that shouldn't be there got inside, and Syndra whisked past them, through the heavy marble doors that opened into the main lobby. The desk she remembered being manned by a small blonde was empty, but Syndra didn't need her help to know where the High Summoner's room was; her shadow led her in the right direction, reluctantly going along with the plan now that he could do nothing to sway her away from it. There was only the hollow sound of Syndra's boots on the tiled floor as she strode through the halls, squinting at the blinding lights she hated that exacerbated her headache more than anything else she'd yet to experience. Her hood only blocked so much of the light, and by the time she arrived at Vessaria's office her head was pounding, hard enough that Syndra could have sworn Vessaria could hear it even from inside the office.

Ignoring the pain in her mind, Syndra lifted her left hand to the door, flinching at the noise it made on the wood and belatedly realizing that while in the town, she had never gone to a healer for her arm. She didn't have much time to dwell on it before the door swung open, a very confused and clearly displeased Vessaria in its place.

"Syndra? What are you doing here?"

She seemed reluctant to hold Syndra's gaze, and she snapped impatiently.

"Move my trial date to today. I have other matters that need attending."

Vessaria's wary expression quickly morphed into anger, and her eyes stayed firmly fixed to Syndra's.

"We've set the date for tomorrow for a reason, and that's when it will be. I'll see you _tomorrow_, Syndra."

She stepped backwards in an attempt to close her office door again, but Syndra stuck her hand out, placing her palm flat against the wood and keeping the door held open against the wall. The strain against her arm made the wound along her forearm burn, but she did not flinch and steadily kept her eyes on Vessaria's.

"You must not have heard me. I am moving my trial date to today."

Vessaria glared at Syndra's hand on the door like she might want to bite it off, and Syndra smiled at the anger on her face when she looked up. It set a bad precedent to allow a champion to make demands, but Vessaria was incredibly short on patience today, and she got the feeling that Syndra was not going to let this go.

"Fine- if it'll get you to leave, fine. Follow me."

She brushed past where Syndra was standing and closed the door behind her, taking off down the hallway without making sure that she was being followed. Syndra's satisfaction overshadowed her headache and her shadows not-so-quiet displeasure, and she followed the High Summoner through the blinding hallways with a smile still on her face. It was a long walk to the other side of the Institute, and when they finally stopped outside of one of the many doors they had passed, Syndra's smugness was beginning to fade some, replaced more and more by her shadow's apprehension and her impatience at having to wait to deal with Zed; maybe her shadow was right, maybe if she'd dealt with Zed today instead, it would have been better to leave her trial for tomorrow.

_That is not what I had planned, either._

She wanted to snap back it to be silent, but Vessaria opened the door, leading Syndra inside a very small lobby that was currently empty.

"Have a seat. I'll summon the jury, and have someone fetch you when they arrive."

There was another door in the lobby that Vessaria opened and disappeared into, and as she slammed the door behind her Syndra let her lip curl at the High Summoner's choice of words; she would send someone to _fetch_ her.

Like she was some kind of dog.

It _burned _to humor the summoners and participate in this pitiful excuse for justice, but it was all she had left to give to Karma. Considering how it was her fault that Zed was ever involved in her life, Syndra owed her the time to go to the trial and condemn her killer.

She would let the summoners have their justice, and then she would exact her own.

As they had since she left Ionia, her thoughts inevitably turned back to Zed, and since she didn't have something to distract her, she was able to wallow in the anger and the hate that she associated with him. The sensation was almost akin to physical sickness, and Syndra fought off a wave of nausea as she stared at her curled hands in her lap.

_You should have seen a healer instead of forcing the trial._

For the first time in the last two days, Syndra was inclined to agree with her shadow; simply ignoring her infected arm and broken hand wasn't working anymore, although her ever-present headache made them difficult to focus on.

Which, she supposed, wasn't a good thing.

"I needed to do this. I needed to end this."

The urgency she felt made her fingers twitch, but she sensed her shadow didn't feel the same way. It was less focused on doing right by Karma, and more focused on outmaneuvering Zed; to do that, he needed Syndra's cooperation, which was next to impossible to obtain.

_You do not respect the summoner's verdict. Why is it important to you that the trial happens immediately? Would Karma not be more pleased that you kill her murderer? _

Syndra continued to stare at her hands, pursing her lips at the shadow's harshly judgmental tone.

"You did not know Karma, and it would be wise for you to never again assume what she would have wanted."

The threat in her low voice was clear, and her shadow didn't have an answer for her, which was smart considering anything it would have said in response would only have angered her further. Her shadow may have known Zed and exposed his lies to her, but it knew nothing of Karma; she would have wanted Syndra to finish the trial. Dealing with Zed after was more for herself than for Karma, something her shadow seemed unable to remember.

"He will not be allowed to live. Your constant need for reassurance grows tiring."

_Your constant need to endanger yourself is all the more tiring._

Syndra practically hissed into the empty room, and she cursed the fact that the shadow didn't have a physical body she could strike.

"How _dare _yo-"

Syndra's sharp words were interrupted by the door across from where she was sitting swinging open, with Vessaria now standing in the doorway. She'd heard Syndra talking to the empty room, that much was clear, but she chose not to comment.

"Come in."

She turned back into the room, leaving the door open so that Syndra could follow. She trailed quickly after her, pulling the door closed behind her and allowing herself a moment to take in the trial room. There was a podium a few feet from where she was standing and another across the small room that Vessaria was moving to stand behind. Behind Vessaria was where the jury was seated, and Syndra's eyes touched briefly on every exasperated face there, her gaze lingering on Ahri and Irelia's faces. She could almost understand why Irelia would have been chosen to be a part of the jury, but her eyes narrowed the longer she looked at Ahri, until eventually the fox looked up and caught her eye.

And _smiled. _

It was a brief quirk of her lips that Syndra almost could have imagined, but as she approached her podium a frown began to color her face, and she didn't move her eyes away from Ahri until Vessaria called her to attention.

"Syndra."

She looked up with a distracted jerk of her head, and again Vessaria decided it was best not to comment.

"When beginning your testimony, you are expected to be entirely truthful and nothing but. If you lie, your testimony will be discounted and you will be judged as such. Do you understand?"

Syndra nodded, and although Vessaria pursed her lips she smoothed a piece of paper on the podium in front of her and began to speak.

"Do you deny that Karma died by your hand?"

The question caught Syndra off guard; it was delivered almost harshly, and her shadow cautioned her from an equally abrasive response.

_Answer calmly and simply._

Her eyes flicked from Vessaria to the jury as she answered, and when she was beginning to take too long her shadow started to cut in again.

_Syndra, you have to-_

"I do not deny it."

There were titters of movement from the jury, and Syndra again glanced over, her eyes falling on Ahri's face almost immediately. There was no smirk plastered on her face this time, but her expression verged clearly on a smile.

"Would you care to explain what led to that moment? Starting from when you and Zed left Karma's house, please."

Although the mention of Zed briefly filled her with a flicker of anger, Syndra tried to focus on her response; now that she was forcing herself to revisit that night, her actual memories of Karma's death were hazy and dark, and it was difficult for her to remember with clarity what she had been doing exactly before Karma was killed. She shifted uncomfortably as she tried to force her aching mind to produce something useful, all while her shadow tried to feed her answers.

_Concentrate, Syndra. You have been over this many times, and you-_

Syndra shook her head to clear her thoughts, but in place of the shadows voice was her earlier headache, made all the worse by how hard she was forcing herself to remember what happened all those weeks ago. She pressed her hands firmly against the wood of her podium to keep them from shaking, but both Vessaria's and her shadow's patience began to run thin before she had a chance to formulate an answer.

_Answer her!_

Syndra slammed one of her hands against the table, ignoring the resounding sting of pain and screaming in frustration.

"Enough!"

It had the desired effect; her shadow certainly stopped talking, but the entire room was no longer impassively watching her; the faces of the jury ranged from shocked to wary, with Ahri's smirk being the most expressive, but definitely being overshadowed by the fury on Vessaria's face.

"Syndra, it would be wise of you to remember where you are and why you are here. If you don't take this trial seriously, the end result will surely reflect that."

Of course now, her shadow had nothing to say; Syndra tilted her head up, trying to keep her face smooth and trying to fight back the anger that caused her to snap at her shadow out loud. She plastered a look on her face that she hoped looked smooth enough, although her hands were shaking and it was hard to think over her headache.

"Would you like me to repeat myself?"

Syndra nodded curtly, and Vessaria spared her a withering glance before turning back to the paper in her hands.

"Please relay the events leading up to Karma's death as they happened to you, starting from when you and Zed left Karma's house."

Syndra took a breath, but her memories were no more clear than they were the first time Vessaria asked her; her eyes wandered as she fought desperately to remember, only this time her gaze ventured beyond the jury and the shadows behind them. Vaguely she recalled that she hadn't wanted to leave, that Zed forced her to, and Karma… She followed them? Yes, she followed them outside…

"We were… he wanted to leave. Zed forced me to leave."

Vessaria raised her eyebrows, seemingly confused at her choice of words.

"Forced you?"

She didn't want to deny it, but the memory felt so… insubstantial, although she was certain that she never would have left Karma that night if Zed hadn't forced her. She still had her eyes behind the jury as she fought to come up with an answer, on a darkened corner of the room that only she could see. It may have been a result of the nervousness she felt at being unable to remember exactly what happened the night of Karma's death, but the shadows in the corner looked… off, almost. Unnatural.

And they were.

One shadow detached itself from the rest as she watched, taking the shape of the man she now loathed so much. She blinked several times to make sure her eyes weren't confusing the darkness with the natural shadows, but Zed's shadow simply stared at her as her mouth fell open, standing still and quiet. Although she couldn't concentrate enough to hear its words, her shadow had started speaking yet again, and all of Syndra's earlier unease morphed quickly into a murderous sort of fury.

How _dare_ he?

How dare he taunt her now, in a trial for a murder _he_ caused? Did he think that she would allow him to mock her like this _again_? Did he think that she would not _crush _him for his continued insolence?

Her hands had unconsciously begun to curl around the edges of her podium, and when the wood began to make noises of protest Vessaria's impatience finally wore out, and she snapped when Syndra continued to not answer.

"Is there something more important than this trial that you desperately need to attend to?"

Syndra's eyes snapped back to the High Summoner, who looked almost as angry as she felt. She tried to concentrate, but her eyes kept flicking back between Vessaria's barely controlled anger and the shadow that stood watch over it all.

"There… is…"

Her words were slow and halting, and the eyes she could feel on her now were heavy with confusion.

_Syndra!_

Her mouth twisted when her shadow's incessant voice finally formed into something understandable, and she turned back to the corner of the room, only this time everyone turned with her, Vessaria included. Her eyes searched the shadows again, only it became quickly apparent that the shadow was no longer there; her mouth dropped open after several awkward seconds of the room examining what appeared to be an empty corner, and Vessaria turned around in a huff, collecting her papers and stepping down from her podium, striding past Syndra's and pausing at the door behind her.

"We'll reconvene when Syndra has decided that this trial and her potential execution are important enough for her to take seriously, and we'll do it when _I _say so."

It was incredibly unprofessional for Vessaria to call off a trial so abruptly and it showed on the faces of the jury, but the High Summoner was certainly out of patience when it came to Syndra and the jury followed her out of the room without a word of protest. In what seemed like seconds, the room was emptied and Syndra was left at her podium, still staring at the empty corner of the room. Her fingernails dug deeper into the podium, and a humiliation tinged fury boiled beneath her skin.

She. Would. Kill him.

Her shadow spoke words of caution as she tore from the room with a deafening slam of the wooden door, but she still couldn't distinguish its words and now she absolutely couldn't be bothered to try. She tried to feel for Zed as she ripped down the stark hallways, but she felt nothing, not even the barest hint of his shadow, and she was in the main lobby of the Institute before she had the time to search further. There was someone seated at the desk now, although still not the blonde she knew, and she stalked up to the counter, drawing a nervous stare from the summoner.

"Where is he?"

Syndra screamed the words at the girl, who to her credit did not flinch away. She answered as calmly as she could, her voice a scared whisper compared to Syndra's.

"Where is who?"

Syndra's eyes narrowed as if the girl was being intentionally daft and unhelpful, and she growled in frustration.

"Zed! Where is Zed? Where is he staying?"

Her shadow cautioned the volume of her tone, but Syndra didn't care, _couldn't _care, and her muscles were almost screaming to tear into something. She hadn't realized that her spheres were now poised behind her, shivering in place, but the summoner's gaze was focused almost solely on that.

"That is not information I am allowed to divulge."

Despite her initial refusal, it seemed like all the girl wanted to do was to give Syndra what she wanted so that the screaming, murderous mage would leave, and Syndra used this to her advantage.

"Tell me _now!_"

She leaned suddenly across the desk in conjecture with her spheres, and this time the girl did flinch; she straightened up almost immediately, deciding that out of the two of them Zed was much more capable of dealing with Syndra than she was.

"He isn't here. He's only just left the Institute."

Syndra stayed poised above the desk, her face still twisted in fury and her fingers still curled into claws, but stormed quickly away from the desk, yanking the hood of her coat over her head and leaving the lobby the same way she'd entered that morning. The tips of her fingers felt almost heavy with magic, and she couldn't move fast enough, couldn't get away from the Institute quickly enough. She'd been fighting it up until now, but she finally allowed herself to concentrate on what her shadow was saying.

_He is in Ionia. He means to lure you there._

Syndra's stride didn't falter and nothing about the way she thought of the situation changed.

"And he is in luck, because I will return to Ionia and I will not leave until he is dead."

* * *

_It worked. _

Zed's shadow spoke with no congratulatory tone, and Zed didn't feel accomplished; he needed Syndra away from the Institute, and he'd done it, but his fleeting excitement had all but vanished.

"Yes."

_This does not please you._

Zed stood at the edge of Syndra's fortress, far from her and already in Ionia. He simply shook his head, the movement catching the sharp reflection of sunlight off of the snow around him.

"No."

_You fear she is already lost._

It was what had been plaguing Zed from the moment he found out his shadow had taken host in Syndra; how long was too long for it to be inside of her? How long before she was too far gone to be saved?

Have long until it killed her?

"Yes."

The forest below him was still this afternoon, as was everything else around him; the calm of the fortress was deeply unsettling now, and Zed shifted uncomfortably as he continued to stare out over the trees.

_She has not been host to the shadow for long. There is hope._

Hope.

A word that had never meant much to Zed before, but one that he clung to now, however feebly. Yes, he had hope that he would save Syndra.

But only time would tell if hope was enough.

* * *

Syndra could feel Zed even from the frigid waters surrounding Ionia.

It was a steady, dark pull that she had no choice but to follow, and even before she left the harbor and stepped into the forests, she knew where she would end up; it seemed only fitting that Zed would choose to die at her hands in the fortress. Every inch of her crawled with a sadistic sort of excitement, and despite the arctic wind that cut through her cloak and the heavy ache of her arm and hand and head, she was eager to arrive, and when the forest around her grew more desolate and more familiar, she smiled with anticipation.

When the shadow of the fortress covered her once more, Zed's pull had turned into a heady, weighty kind of feeling that no longer lured her but consumed her, and as she lifted herself onto the edge of the fortress she could no longer keep her fingers from twitching. Her spheres were small sentinels that bobbed in the air behind her, floating through the sunlight that glared off the dark stone of the fortress and the thick covering of snow that blanketed it, and she displaced a heap of the white fluff as she touched down onto the precipice.

_He is waiting._

He wasn't waiting at the edge of the fortress like she expected, but deeper, and Syndra stalked through the snow and to the middle of the fortress where the courtyard was. Here, the stone was less swept with snow but more harshly covered in sunlight, and it was here that Zed waited.

Across from where she entered, Zed stood stiffly in the only part of the courtyard shrouded in shadow, although his own shadow was nowhere to been. Even in the shade, light caught the edges of the mask on his face and the armor that decorated his limbs, and from behind the metal mask Syndra could still feel his dead stare fixed to her face.

And it made her angry.

_Murderously _angry that Zed had managed to control her for _years,_ and almost as angry at herself for being so blind.

_Focus, Syndra. He did not steal your power, as he wished. Facing him now will be simple._

Her shadow's words weren't enough to slow her heartbeat or loosen the fists at her sides, but they were a small comfort nonetheless.

"Yes, it will be."

As still as he'd been, Zed reacted to her voice; one of the hands at his side twitched towards her, and Syndra carefully tracked the movement with her eyes. She lifted her gaze back to the mask after a moment, and then she couldn't wait any longer; she couldn't stand here and allow him to poison her air for another moment.

So Syndra struck.

* * *

Zed knew the exact moment that Syndra stepped foot on Ionian shores.

She moved quickly, he felt, almost rushing to the fortress in her anger. And she w_as_ angry; so maddeningly furious that her aura preceded her, and when she finally reached the fortress she brought with her a sickening sort of darkness that, despite that he knew what was causing it, filled him with energy and excitement.

An excitement that quickly vanished the moment she stepped foot into the courtyard.

She moved slowly, and the way she held her shoulders made it appear that she was confident, but Zed picked up on the uneven way she walked through the snow and the fact that her left arm hung limply at her side, and even with how quiet it was, each whistle of the wind across the stones of the courtyard drew her jerky stare. She bared her teeth in what he assumed was an attempt at a smile when she saw him, but as fast as it appeared was how quickly it was wiped away; she was back to breathing heavily and staring at him with a fury he could feel, and the longer he looked at her face the more he realized how sick she was. Her skin was paler than the snow at her feet but dotted with fever spots on her cheeks and marked by dark, almost painful looking bruises beneath her eyes.

Was he too late? Had he waited too long? Was the shadow-

"Yes, it will be."

His train of thought jerked to a standstill when her raspy voice broke the silence, and he moved towards her despite himself, which was apparently what she was waiting for, because the moment he moved she was flying across the courtyard and swinging a sphere at him so fast that he almost didn't have time to respond.

Almost.

* * *

**_A/N part 2: Just in case anyone was wondering, I don't exactly think of the Institute the way I think it was presented by Riot (I've never read the JoJ, so I can't be sure.) or how a lot of other people write it. To me, champions currently in the League have a "quota" of matches they have to participate in, and when they're not doing that they don't have to stay in the Institute. Also, the champions really don't know each other unless they've been in matches together, and since I imagine that their quota of obligatory matches is small, a lot of champions don't know each other, especially if they're from different city-states._**

**_Relevance:_**

**_So far, Zed hasn't been in a match with Irelia, and since he doesn't stay at the Institute, he's never met her. He's only heard about her from Syndra I think once so far, and I've been asked before why Zed didn't know who she was, and that's my explanation on why. Hopefully that makes sense! _**

**_ALSO. Maybe not something anyone noticed, but I did- Zed changes his mask before his trial. It's not the same one he wore at Seldric's hotel. :]_**


	23. Chapter 23

**_A/N: I had a huge touchy-feely paragraph written about why this chapter was so long in coming, but in the interest of not boring all of you to death, I'll just say "life." I'm in school now and I've been putting a lot more time into my art, so I don't have as much time for writing as I used to (or want to). _**

**_Buuut anyway. I want to say a HUGE huge thank you to Tahimikamaxtli, who has basically held my hand and walked me through writer's block more times than I even remember. He gave me the motivation that got me back into writing recently, and I can't say thank you enough. (Also go read his short stories if you're not already, they are incredible.)_**

**_And big big thank you to everyone who liked, favorited, reviewed- anything. It means more than I can express. ;-;_**

**_Adonna2424- Thank you! It was my interpretation when I first started getting into reading the lore that the League was almost all-powerful, and that was how it was able to control the Champions that were forced into the League, or joined and caused problems. For this story, that's my headcanon concerning the League ;p And since the League was made to keep the peace and prevent wars and stuff from happening, it makes sense that they would interfere. At least, hopefully that makes sense to you guys! Thank you again! Updating always makes me happy too._**

**_Ulcaasi- I'm sorry, did you say no make-up sex and major character death? I wanted to get that clear, just so we all know who to blame ;]_**

**_Mikachu- Nope, you're right! She's really unstable with the shadow in her mind and also incredibly sleep deprived, and since Syndra on a good day is prone to violent temper tantrums, you can only imagine what it's like now. That's why poor Seldric got messed up :[_**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Thank you thank you! Man…. I bought that skin right away and I've been feeding with Akali ever since. Rito pls._**

**_FullMetalRecall- thank you! Sorry it took so long to get the next update out :o_**

**_Mikachu- Aww, I'm sorry I missed your birthday :( Happy late birthday! Also (prepare for shameless self-promotion) you can read my Syndra/Zed shorts in between updates~ plenty of angst and fluff there too. And even when I don't update, I still love you guys :[_**

**_ZedtheShadow- Here you go!_**

**_Okay friends- sorry (again) for the long update, but I hope you all still enjoy!_**

* * *

Zed had killed hundreds.

He had laid low every opponent that dared to face him with a swiftness that was unparalleled, and not once in his life had he felt a moment's hesitation, not an ounce of doubt. There was a great pride in using everything he had learned, every technique he had cultivated to make his own to strike down any opposition he faced.

But there was doubt when it came to facing Syndra.

He couldn't fight back, as he'd done all his life; no, for the first time ever, he had to save, not kill, and Zed would be lying if he said he knew how.

How do you save someone who would kill you for trying?

* * *

Syndra was sure her first strike would be her last.

She was so completely full of anger when she arrived at the fortress, so ready to unleash years' worth of pent-up betrayal and disgust that it felt as if one blow would be enough. One sphere to end everything.

She put every bit of the power she could feel running through her veins into that first sphere, so certain that it would connect and destroy Zed, and that she would have free reign of Ionia once more, but when Zed was suddenly replaced by a shadow, she didn't have the presence of mind to halt her momentum. Syndra followed the arch her sphere would have taken into Zed, stumbling over the cracked courtyard and through the shadow. She felt it clearly brush over her skin much like the wind that occasionally howled over the fortress, and it was because of how easily she flew through the shadow that Zed's retaliation was so utterly unexpected; his wispy shadow seemed to change its consistency at will, waiting for Syndra to lose her balance and drop her offensive stature to strike, to drag the dark blade affixed to its arm across her shoulder blades and cut clean through cloth and skin alike.

Syndra screamed.

A cross between a howl of agony and a cry of outrage, the sound ripped through the still air of the fortress, and when Syndra whipped back around, a fine spray of her blood coated the snow behind her. The midday light was almost blinding where it glinted off of the snow, but there was a dark spot so distinct to her, so rage inducing that even her shadow was too angry to speak, too angry to chastise her for her sloppy mistake. Her chest heaved as her eyes adjusted to the light, and all the while the shadow kept still and silent.

When her gaze focused Zed was still there, standing in the same spot she had been in moments before and silently watching her bleed onto the snow. Despite the line of fire cut into her skin and the fact that it was becoming increasingly more difficult for her to catch her breath, Syndra's anger prompted her forward, goaded into action even more by the frantic words her shadow was now whispering to her.

_Syndra! Now!_

Her shadow gave to her the very last of its energy, lending new strength to her ruined limbs. When Syndra rushed across the courtyard this time she had all of her spheres in tow, moving so swiftly and so sure that Zed didn't have a chance to simply call forth his shadow in his place; she closed the distance between them and had her spheres around him before he could disappear, constricting their orbits so that Zed's arms were pinned to his sides, making it impossible for him to move. She pulled her spheres in closer around him as she closed the remaining few paces between them, dragging them in tighter and tighter until something in his left arm cracked loudly, followed immediately by a grunt of pain from behind his mask.

And Syndra smiled.

Oh, she had never heard anything so sweet in her life. She kept her left her left arm extended and fist clenched shut to keep her spheres in place as she erased what was left of the space between her and her prey, stopping only when she was nothing but a few small inches away from him. This close, she could fully appreciate how absolutely delicious it was to have Zed trapped, pinned, and mere minutes away from ending his life. Although she could vaguely hear her shadows shouts for her to stop stalling, she ignored them, instead hooking her right fingers underneath that infuriating mask and then ripping it from Zed's face, tossing it somewhere behind her. She wanted to see the look in his eyes when he realized that she had won; she wanted him to know she enjoyed this. She took a deep breath as the mask made a soft thump in the snow, attributing her breathlessness to excitement, and pulling her lips even wider over her teeth in an attempt at a smile.

To his credit, he did not give her the satisfaction of flinching.

His face looked smooth, much too calm for her tastes, and the look she was searching for in his eyes was nowhere to be seen. She moved her right hand to his left shoulder, ignoring the agony of her broken fingers and digging them into his arm until she found the break she had created. It was difficult to find beneath cloth and muscle, and because her fingers could feel nothing but pain, but she was persistent. She squeezed until Zed's face finally twisted in agony, until the carefully crafted stillness of his face was broken.

Much better.

She met his gaze evenly, still grinning, applying more and more pressure until her own broken bones could comply no longer; but it was no matter. She was satisfied with the pain she caused and overtly pleased with the image before her, as was her shadow. Although it did not openly revel in it, it enjoyed Zed being in pain every bit that Syndra did, and it was ready for Syndra to finish what she'd come here to do.

They were ready to end Zed.

* * *

Zed was trapped.

He'd let his guard down, had been too unwilling to strike back at Syndra after his shadow had attacked her itself; he was so sure she was losing momentum, so sure that her injuries were slowing her down that her sudden lunge across the courtyard had caught him off guard.

And now, with her spheres are around him, he was stuck.

He tested his uninjured arm, but the dark magic around his limbs had no give, and from the confident smile plastered across Syndra's sickly face, it was safe enough for Zed to assume that there was no way to escape. He watched as she tore away his mask, watched her smile grow when she dug her fingers into the break that had been agonizing before but was blindly excruciating now, and he watched it all with a narrowed but still eerily calm gaze that broke only momentarily in pain.

Because Syndra was not herself.

She was distracted, so intently focused on causing Zed pain that she paid no attention to her surroundings, so sure that she had Zed trapped and that there was no possible way to escape her clutches.

That was why she didn't notice when Zed's shadow returned.

In the blink of an eye it was at her back, once again silently lifting its blade and slashing it downwards now, carving a new line through Syndra's skin from her right thigh to her left calf, coating the snow with fresh blood.

This time, Syndra's scream held nothing but pain.

As intended, she stumbled as she swung around, loosening her hold on Zed and trying to face the shadow that had already disappeared. She tried to find balance on her torn limbs, but with the fresh slashes across her skin and the wounds on her shoulders that were still oozing, she had no strength left, giving Zed the opportunity he needed to free himself.

And he wasted no time.

In that moment, he was not injured and he felt no pain from his arm at all; he stepped to where Syndra was still struggling to stand in the snow, wrapping his arms around hers and keeping them pressed to her sides exactly like she had done to him with magic seconds ago. She seemed to find some residual strength when Zed ensnared her, but the moment she began to struggle Zed swept her legs out from under her and pinned her ruined body to the stones of the courtyard with his own. He kept her there despite her screams, despite her struggling, despite the blood he could see in her hair and on the snow.

And left the rest to his shadow.

* * *

There were no words for the pain.

Every inch of severed skin, every drop of blood that left her body… it was the pain that made it beyond simple for Zed to seize her, to hold down her arms and knock her to the ground so that she could not move, could not think, could do nothing to call forth her magic and save herself. Not even her shadow could help save her now.

She remembered when she first woke up at the order and how she was initially intimidated by Zed's size, before she knew who he was; she felt very acutely that fear now, every inch of his body weighing down hers so that she could feel clearly the frigid snow soaking through her clothes and the rough stones of the courtyard floor cutting into her body. A new, different kind of fear filled her now, an instinctive, animalistic terror at being trapped that raced through her limbs and stole her breath. She screamed as she frantically struggled to free herself, her mind cleared of all thoughts except how heavy everything was, how no matter what she did she could not free her arms or her legs, she could not move.

She couldn't breathe.

She screamed again, although the sound was much shallower than before; she couldn't pull in a full breath and could hardly shift her head so that her face was no longer pressed into the snow. She made another noise when Zed adjusted his position, the movement pulling at each cut, filling her with a pain so intense that it completely wiped every other feeling from her body.

She was only pain.

Such was her state that she didn't notice when Zed's shadow approached once again, and by the time she saw its wispy glove reach for her face it was much too late. She gave one last twist of her body in a futile attempt to free herself, one last cry that was more of a sob than a scream, and then the shadow was laying its palm against her forehead, digging its fingers into her hair so that she had no hope of shaking it free.

And then blackness.

* * *

It was not easy to restrain her.

Each scream that escaped her lips filled Zed with a pain that almost compared to the pain of his arm when Syndra struggled against him; he only had to hold out for one more moment, one more second until…

Until his shadow returned.

It didn't hesitate to gloat, as Syndra and her shadow did; it simply crouched in front of her, laid its palm flat against her forehead and began to whisper in a language that Zed had never heard but felt that he understood. Syndra had been screaming, but the noise immediately cut off, replaced by nothing but the shadow's whispers and the low sound of the wind.

Zed wasn't exactly sure how long it took for his shadow to finish.

Minutes, maybe, perhaps hours, all during which Syndra was completely quiet and still, her blood soaking silently into the snow and Zed's clothes. He knew better than to speak, and he was forced to stay where he was, keeping Syndra pinned to the courtyard as her life bled from her veins and his shadow continued to whisper.

Eventually his shadow lifted its hand and stood, with nothing but a nod to Zed to indicate that it was finished. Zed immediately rolled off of Syndra, using his right arm to carefully move her onto her back. Her face was even paler than before, making the dark circles beneath her eyes appear garishly painful, and there was a bruise blossoming on her left cheek from where her face had hit the courtyard. There was a steady stream of blood flowing from her nose and disappearing down her neck, and Zed quickly pressed his fingers to the side of her neck, feeling desperately for a pulse.

It was there, so quiet beneath his fingertips.

Refusing to let himself feel the relief just yet, Zed fought against the pain of his broken shoulder and lifted Syndra in his arms, trying to ignore how light and limp her body was. He made immediately for the edge of the fortress, painfully aware of his slow progress and painfully aware that his shadow had not stayed its hand or lightened its blows; Syndra was seriously wounded, and with the distance the fortress was from the order and the fact that Zed himself was injured, the already impossibly grim situation grew all the more dire.

Zed tried to focus only on getting Syndra out of the fortress, on nothing else but forcing himself to keep moving, even when his feet began to drag. He was approaching the edge of the fortress when his shadow stepped in front of him, positioning its now-solid arms beneath his own so that Zed could lower Syndra's body into the shadows hold.

_I will bring her to the order. She will not survive the wait if you refuse._

Zed didn't have to be told twice; he didn't have to ask to know that the shadows grip on Syndra would not falter, and in the time it took him to collapse to his knees in exhaustion they were already gone. He didn't feel the rough stone of the fortress beneath his knees or the biting wind blowing off the forest beneath him; for a moment, blissful as it was, he didn't even feel the throb of his arm.

But the pain did come back.

He had no way of telling how serious the break was himself, but he didn't try to move his arm to gauge it; he only waited there on his knees until he had reclaimed most of his breath. When he could breathe, when he could stand, he forced himself forward, away from the fortress and towards where the order was tucked in the forest.

He needed to get to Syndra.

* * *

_This dream has haunted you before._

_You're faced with, as you have been many times, a man made of shadows and with a face of smooth silver; it is blinding to you, light shattering off the polished surface from the snow at your feet, although the light didn't meet the hazy darkness at the corners of your vision._

_Snow? There was no snow the day he…_

_A whisper of thought that died on the air blowing around you. Like your other nightmares, the shadow advances, brandishing blades that, now that you've noticed them, you cannot look away from. _

_As it is in dreams, you attempt to move away from the danger, but you move as if your limbs are being pulled down by invisible hands, your movements frustratingly slow. Different from your other nightmares, however, you now move **towards** the sterling faced shadow; you meet those blades with a demented sort of determination, and even through the haze of dreams, you feel a smile contort your face. _

_You raise a hand when you are close enough to the shadow to touch that silver mask, and you stare at it in wonder._

_Not your hand._

_The fingers are thin and curled into claws, the knuckles are a mottled assortment of bruises, and up to your wrist is swathed in a deep, purple swirl of magic that seems familiar, but that you aren't able to place. Your mind is racing as your body (no, not your body, how could it be?) collides with the shadow, although you pass through it as if it never existed; you stumble as your mind tries to make sense of where the silver has gone, and in the brief moment where your eagerness fades and is replaced by confusion, the shadow appears where you cannot see, and sweeps the blade you laughed at earlier across your skin, bathing you and the shadow and the snow in your blood._

_You scream._

No. Not you.

Shen jerked awake with a gasp, the scream dying in his throat. His fingers went immediately to his shoulders where they crawled over his skin, slick with sweat, searching and searching. The dream was so real, the pain so believable that he expected his skin to be split and for blood to coat his body.

But there was nothing.

There were parts of the dream that stuck with him even as the rest leached away, and while he forgot how bright the sun on the snow was and the bruises that had decorated his arm, the pain was still fresh and real, the silver of the shadows' mask still etched in perfect detail in Shen's mind.

Shen was still trying to catch his breath and wait for the pain to fade when the door to his apartment swung open, admitting an ashen-faced Akali and a wide-eyed Kennen at her heels. From their expressions, he knew that they felt the same pain he did; that a line of agony was still carved into their skin by a blade that was made for one purpose, and one purpose only.

To kill.

Shen remembered almost as clearly how his hand looked in the dream; bony, weak, and commanding a dark purple magic that he and Akali had seen outside of the Institute only once before. Shen couldn't help the whisper that escaped his lips.

"He killed her."

Zed, the shadow, and Syndra… he didn't know where they were, he didn't know what happened, but it was clear from what Shen had seen that there was no other ending to that vision.

He met Akali's troubled stare, his face a mixture of shock and disbelief. His words felt so heavy on his tongue, so strange when put in that order that he had to repeat himself to be sure.

"Zed killed Syndra."

* * *

_What do you do when you are in too much pain to scream?_

_Too trapped beneath your own skin to move, to cry out, your eyelids too heavy to open. Do you sit silently in the dark and hope that someone finds you? Do you keep trying to scream? Or do you simply wait for the darkness to become smothering once more, wiping away even your agony, your thoughts?_

_Do you struggle or submit?_

* * *

Zed's shadow was very discreet.

It didn't take long for Zed to collect himself and push onwards to the order, and when he arrived there was nothing, not even a subtle buzz of commotion to make Zed (or anyone else) think something was amiss. Until you entered the infirmary, everything in the order appeared to be completely normal.

But the infirmary was very much alive with activity.

His shadow was gone, but there were a few of his students rushing from room to room, sharing hushed orders and carrying supplies into the back of the infirmary where there were a few private rooms lit by fluorescents, not torches, and served as surgery suites and long term recovery rooms. Zed wanted to walk back there as soon as he arrived, but he was hesitant to interrupt his students; if there was more to Syndra's injuries than a few stitches could fix, the last thing Zed wanted to do was delay her treatment.

So Zed picked a spot on the wall opposite of the hallway and leaned against it as he prepared to wait for someone to be free.

Admittedly, it was not easy.

It was difficult to stay on his feet and keep his eyes open when he was so exhausted, but the pain emanating from the break in his arm kept him far from being able to give in to his weariness. He let his arm hang limply at his side, keeping still so as not to move it any more than necessary. He tried to listen for any indication of Syndra's condition, but his students worked near silently, and despite the occasional appearance they made to gather supplies, they stayed out of Zed's sight.

And so did his shadow.

It didn't come to the infirmary while Zed was waiting, and he couldn't feel it anywhere nearby; any other day he would call it back, but his mind was only on Syndra.

Eventually, his patience was rewarded.

A student came out to the main area of the infirmary, but instead of simply gathering what she needed and disappearing again, she walked slowly up to Zed, her eyes crawling over his face and arm.

He wasn't surprised that it was Yvonne.

She didn't hesitate when she reached for his arm, and although it pained him greatly, he didn't flinch as she felt gently along his arm until she found the break with her fingers. There was the tiniest pull in her brow, and she pursed her lips as she retracted her hand and eyed the splotches of blood that covered Zed's clothes.

"I will need an x-ray to be sure, but I am almost certain the break requires surgery to correct."

Zed wasn't surprised, but at the moment, he wasn't entirely concerned with himself; his arm could wait.

"Syndra? Is she…?"

Yvonne's eyes met his and her frown deepened, but she nodded her head, and Zed's pain eased the smallest bit as he was filled with relief.

"Zed, you should be-"

"Yvonne."

His voice left no more room for argument, and Yvonne sighed as she began to relay all of Syndra's injuries.

"She has a severe laceration on her shoulders, a laceration on both legs, and an infected laceration on her left forearm. We set all of the re-broken knuckles on her right hand, and she is being administered an IV for dehydration."

Yvonne paused to take a breath, giving Zed a moment or two to digest all the information she'd given him before giving him the most worrisome piece of news.

"The wound across the back of her left calf is significantly more serious than the others; we can't be sure until she wakes up, but from the muscle damage we repaired, there is a chance she will lose some mobility in that leg."

It felt like the strain of the day had waited until that moment to hit him; he was hit with a fresh wave of exhaustion, a brand new stab of pain from his arm.

"There is a chance? How do you not know?"

He couldn't blame Yvonne for what had happened to Syndra, but he couldn't keep the sharpness out of his voice either.

"Like I said, until it is healed and she is able to walk, we cannot know for sure. There is a possibility it will heal with no adverse effects, but I know for certain that if you do not allow me to treat it now, your arm will suffer irreversible damage."

Zed didn't answer, seemingly unconcerned at the prospect. It pained him greatly, but it felt… wrong, almost, to leave before he knew with absolute certainty that Syndra wasn't going to-

His jaw tensed as he fought off the thought, and he leaned away from the wall, suddenly not as steadfast in refusing treatment; it wouldn't do him or Syndra any good to refuse, and even if he wanted to, there was nothing for him to do for her now. His breath caught as he remembered the feeling of the shadow dragging a blade through her skin, the pitch of her screams…

No, there was nothing more he could do for her.

* * *

_Submit, I submit…_

* * *

_The shadow paced leisurely through the infirmary, half of its attention turned outwards, half turned in. it registered, vaguely, passing the room his Master was in, but that wasn't who it was looking for; keeping out of sight, it drifted further along the walls, passing room after room until it found the right one. _

_It was second nature to pass into the room, to drift into a corner where it would not be noticed and observe the quiet activities with an eye that missed nothing and remembered everything. _

_Its Master's witch was in the middle of the room, being attended to by a dark-clothed student; her breathing was shallow, the shadow thought. The witch sounded positively weak. But it could, even from where it was hiding, feel the witch's mind; subdued but stronger than her outward appearance by bounds, open and vulnerable. It was tempting for the shadow to do what his predecessor had done and sink into that mind, to take control of all the raw, unharnessed power that not even the witch knew she had. But it knew from experience that the witch and her power did not welcome the shadows. The witch would rather destroy herself (knowingly or not) than to play host to another and to share even an ounce of that power. _

_Admirable._

_Admirable, but ultimately, the shadow hoped, futile. The witch had limitless, wasted potential; to allow such strength to wither away put the shadow in a familiarly sour mood, and when the student had moved away from the bedside and out of the room, the shadow took her place, assuming the darkened form of its master. _

_The witch had always been pale, but she was a ghost now, devoid of color and almost seemingly devoid of life. If not for the steady rise and fall of her chest, the shadow could almost assume that she was dead._

_But that would be counterproductive._

_No, the shadow needed the witch alive. If she died, she took her power with it. But if the shadow tried to take her for itself, she would also perish. Complicated, very complicated, but now that the old shadow was destroyed, the shadow was one step closer to its goal._

_All in time. _

_For now, it allowed itself a moment to remember; it remembered the pain of the Master's broken bones as if it were its own, the other-worldly pain of the destroyed shadow, and most vividly the pain the shadow itself had caused the witch. The wounds were hidden now, beneath blankets and bandages, but the shadow hummed in a satisfied sort of way, lifting a dark hand to wrap wispy fingers around the witch's shoulder. She stirred in her drugged sleep, but did not wake, and the shadow squeezed its fingers, much like the witch had done herself to its Master._

_A slight frown at her sleepy brow, but nothing more. _

_The shadow retracted its hand and let its form slip away, leaving the witch's room behind and drifting, directionless, through the dark order, replaying the memory of slicing through the witch, again and again and again. It'd been hard to enjoy it while the Master did not, but it still felt a certain sense of… accomplishment, almost. Not even its Master had been able to strike at her, the weak fool. _

_How infinitely frustrating._

_His Master would have had, years ago, no qualms in using the witch's power as his own. But it was the trappings of humans to make everything complicated, and even though his Master had gotten distracted, the shadow had not. It knew power, it wanted power, and the witch had it. _

_Soon, Syndra. Soon._


	24. Chapter 24

_**A/N: Oh boy. First off, thanks to anyone that reviewed/pm'd me to remind me to get my butt into gear. It's nice to be reminded that there are people out there that actually still give a crap about the fic. **_

_**Second, I hope it goes without saying that I didn't mean to delay an update this long. I've been thinking about why, and besides the fact that I've had my other fic I'm working on, I think this fic just… frustrates me. On the whole, I don't think it's very well-written. I just kind of cringe anytime I reread Balancing Shadows, or the beginning of this fic, and I want to rewrite it more than I want to continue it. It's easy to let a fic just kind of sit there when you're almost too embarrassed to look at it anymore.**_

_**But, anyways.**_

_**I'll finish this fic and then I'll be able to rewrite it, which I am really, really looking forward to. I'll try not to go 6 months without updating again.**_

_**As always, thank you to Tahimikamaxtli and GarenKat Fangirl for encouraging me to write, which is probably not very easy considering how typically unmotivated I am.**_

* * *

_It was hard to imagine a time without pain when that was all you knew now._

_Physically, Syndra knew it must be debilitating; it felt so vague, ghostly, but she did not look upon the moment of her waking with any eagerness._

_For now, she was stuck in the agony-filled wasteland that was her mind, alone with tortured thoughts and haunting memories. What struck her the most was her belated grief; her shadow had not allowed her to mourn for Karma, or let her wallow in the guilt and anger that plagued her now. It didn't let her ache for harming Zed, for coming so close to killing him, and Syndra could have screamed if she had the capability to do so. _

_She killed Karma, she almost killed Zed, and the initial wasn't even the shadow's influence._

_No, that rested on herself, on the Kinkou ninja that had forfeited her life the moment she challenged Zed's life…_

_Fresh anger now, enough to momentarily blot out Syndra's hurt. If Akali hadn't overstepped her bounds, if Shen had controlled her, none of this would have happened. No one would have had to die. _

_If she hadn't reached out to Shen, then it all could have been avoided also. _

_No, no, she couldn't have done that; she needed Shen to save Zed…_

_Syndra's mind spun in circles, from anger and hatred to grief and guilt, and at no point in time was there a break from those tortured thoughts._

_If only, if only, Syndra's mind lamented._

* * *

_**The Master's witch had an interesting way of dealing with pain.**_

_**The shadow itself had seen many times when she expended herself magically, and took days, sometimes weeks, to recover; it seemed when physically impaired, the witch's mind secluded into itself, allowing time for the injuries of the flesh to heal and abate so that the witch did not have to feel the fresh pain. **_

_**If the shadow stood by the witch's bedside, he could feel it; her mind felt alive, abuzz with power although her face remained smooth and unmoved, and if the shadow had not known better, it would have thought she was awake. **_

_**But, no- only aware.**_

_**Oh, what a punishment that must be.**_

_**As much as the shadow thought its Master let himself be swayed by meaningless emotions, the witch did infinitely more; the shadow knew that over the last few weeks, she had acquired much to regret. Imprisoned in the confines of her mind, she would have nothing else but to reflect on the things she'd done and the pain she caused, and the shadow knew how it would torture her so. **_

_**The shadow could speak to her. **_

_**It was the only one in the position to do so; it stood at her bedside, unseen by its Master but acknowledged, knowing that it could reach out to Syndra when he could not. It gave to the shadow an opportunity it would not have for some time, if ever, and it pondered the possibilities. **_

_**Anything it said would affect the witch, for better or worse. It might not be remembered, but the influence would remain.**_

_**The shadow debated if it should touch the witch's mind at all. **_

_**To do so would invite the risk that it would not leave her mind, and they would be left in the same situation as before; it would be condemning itself to death and its Master to the risk of conquering another shadow, and Syndra's fate…**_

_**Well, to expect her to survive the ordeal twice was a stretch beyond hopeful, and although the shadow did not sympathize for her pain, it did not want her dead.**_

_**It occurred to the shadow that it might not ever find a way to safely spirit away Syndra's power for itself and its Master; the ideal scenario just below that was to just get Syndra to do what it wanted. It sounded simple in that wording, but Syndra answered to none. The shadow doubted even its Master could force her to do that which she did not want to. So, to get her to comply, the shadow would have to accept the risk of delving into her mind and trying to influence her there.**_

_**But what, exactly, did it want?**_

_**The shadow had no need for material things, nor did the Master; they had the land they desired, and its Master was content with life, present circumstances excluded. Ultimately, the shadow wanted power, of which Zed had plenty. The only thing standing in the way of more was what had been plaguing Zed for decades.**_

_**The Kinkou.**_

_**The Kinkou that had just made an attempt on his Master's life and whose actions had resulted in the loss of Karma's, and the dire injuries Syndra was now inflicted with; it would not have to ask to know that his Master now more than ever wanted them gone. There would be no place in Ionia for them to hide from his anger.**_

_**And Syndra?**_

_**Well, now the shadow's problem was all but solved; she would not allow Zed to pursue this alone, not this time. Not after what they had cost her. It would surely be no difficult thing to convince her of this.**_

_**And so the shadow smiled, preparing to reach out to the mind of the one that slept.**_

* * *

There was no change for days.

Zed was patient now, because he knew he had to be; it was from painful experience that he knew Syndra would awake only when she could, not when he wanted. He stayed at her bedside though, refusing to be anywhere else, refusing to deal with his advisors or missives sent from the League to Syndra and to himself. The order and the League would be there when Syndra awoke, and until then, they did not need him.

Not that Syndra particularly did either, but he could not in good conscience leave her like he did the last time.

Her face didn't show any of the misfortune that had befallen her, aside from one fading bruise on her cheek, but Zed knew that beneath the blanket pulled up to her chin there were several bandages and bruises and things of that nature. There was not just the pain he felt for Syndra because she was injured, but the aching knowledge that the only reason she was, was because of him; every mark on her skin was put there by _his_ hand.

A cruel fate to love only one, and to be the reason they had almost lost their life.

Zed distractedly ran a finger over the sling his injured arm was in in lieu of reaching out to touch Syndra herself (he couldn't bring himself to, not the way she looked), his thoughts twisting again in a way that was fast becoming familiar. Yes, it was his blade against her skin, but not his actions that had led him there. If Akali hadn't been there, if her arrogance had not blinded her once again and deluded her into thinking that she was in a position to act, then Karma's life would never have been compromised.

Syndra wouldn't have done what she did.

It felt useless at present, though, to dwell on what would and wouldn't have happened; it did nothing for Zed to get angry over the things he could not change until he _could _change them, and although he could not completely calm himself, he had plenty other to focus on for the time being.

There was no difference in Syndra, but he expected none, and the only difference in the room in the next few hours was the addition of Zed's shadow; it had taken to occasionally drifting in and out of the room, never staying for long, but it paused now next to Zed's chair, going as far as to assume the shadowy shape of himself. Zed could feel the… eagerness, almost, that radiated from it, and unless something had happened that he was unaware of, he couldn't imagine why it felt that way.

_Her mind… it sings._

Zed didn't understand at first what it meant, until he remembered that the last shadow had said much the same about Syndra when she was in such a state before; the shadow now reached out a hand, almost as if it wanted to gingerly stroke the bruise marking Syndra's skin, and Zed almost snapped.

"No."

His voice was low and dangerous, immediately halting the movement, and he didn't relax even as the shadow's arm fell back to its side.

_Have you no curiosity?_

Zed did, that was certain; he itched for news of Syndra and how she fared, but did the shadow mean for him to resort to the thing that had poisoned her so? A futile effort on the shadow's part, if it did.

_I can do nothing you do not allow me to._

The shadow wasn't wrong. The only reason the previous shadow had done the damage it did was because Zed had first lost his control over it, and then opened the box and taken another; that shadow was governed by no one but its own twisted desires. Still, whether or not his shadow did what he wanted, Zed had no way of knowing the effect it would have on Syndra or if it would cause her any undue pain.

Of the same mind as him, apparently, the shadow answered.

_It would not hurt unless I wish it; her mind is strong, and clearer than it should be._

Zed's good hand curled into a fist around his armrest, and although he glared at Syndra's features with an anger meant for his shadow, he didn't answer right away; his shadow wasn't lying, that much he could tell. Still, he was no more enthusiastic about the idea it proposed than he was initially.

_It would do no harm._

No more than he had done himself, certainly. No one could hurt Syndra the way he had.

_And her mind…_

The shadow spoke slower, a little more carefully, again lifting his hand to gesture at Syndra, her face still so smooth and unaffected and unhearing.

_What if it sings for you?_

* * *

_It was torturous to be alone, but Syndra was grateful that she was not so for long. _

_Amidst twisting thoughts and pain and guilt and every other poisonous emotion that filled her mind, Syndra felt the thoughts of another; raw, and ancient. Dark._

_She'd felt similar. _

_It was not a pleasant thing, to be visited by shadows; the only consolation Syndra had was that her mind was already so twisted and unpleasant to be in. What was a little more darkness?_

_The shadow did not seem to want to share her thoughts any more than Syndra did herself. Its mind was hesitant, cautious, reaching out only when it apparently felt comfortable enough to do so._

_**Such misery here.**_

_Well she knew it. _

_**We have need of you. **_

_We, not I. An important distinction. Syndra wanted the shadow out of her mind, but being as she could not inquire after Zed herself, she relied on the darkness for now. _

"_**Zed is…?"**_

_Syndra didn't get memories from the shadow, exactly, but feelings; passed on feelings of a deep regret and building anger._

_**Much the same as always. **_

_She wondered if the shadow was lying. History told her that it was most likely. _

_Syndra didn't care; lie or not, to have some small relief handed to her was more than she could have asked for. The knowledge that Zed was… well off enough, was just one less sharp thorn of thought, but it did not satisfy her. She wanted what her mind could not give her; she needed to see Zed for herself, to say his name and delight in his touch, and she needed those things untainted by the shadow or fear or anger._

_For reasons unknown to her, this revelation did not seem to please the shadow; it twisted in her thoughts, uneasy but silent, unwilling to speak freely. It should have worried her that the usually very calculated shadow was uneasy, but Syndra's thoughts had focused on Zed now, and they were not so easily shifted._

_**Are you prepared?**_

_Was she prepared to leave the torturous confines of her mind to face more pain, but with the stipulation that she would see Zed?_

"_**Yes, I am."**_

* * *

Zed watched the shadow gently lay a hand on Syndra's unbruised cheek, so lightly he wasn't sure that it was actually touching her; it stood there, stiff and unmoving, for several long minutes while Zed observed, waiting tensely for something to go wrong. Time seemed to drag the longer the shadow stood there without moving, with no noticeable reaction from Syndra whatsoever. Zed listened to her quiet breathing, more aware of hers than his own, still sitting in the same hunched position in his chair as before, but wired and ready to call off the shadow should he need to.

Evidently, he didn't.

With a soundless hiss and a jerk of its hand, the shadow retracted from Syndra, almost immediately blending with the other shadows on the walls.

_A painful place to be, her mind. But she will not be asleep for much longer._

The shadow's reaction filled him with an icy concern, but Syndra slumbered on just the same, seemingly entirely unaware of the reaction she'd caused. Zed stood for the first time in hours, the shadow watching his movements although it stayed carefully out of view and far away from Syndra. Zed towered over Syndra's bedside, lifting the hand of his good arm and slowly, tentatively brushing away a strand of hair from her forehead, the movement, as always, going unnoticed. But it was different this time; the lack of reaction did not frustrate Zed, nor did he worry, and he looked upon the still paleness of Syndra's face with something close to hope.

Soon.

* * *

The vision stayed with Shen, even days after its passing.

It was the pain that stayed with him the most, sometimes arching across his back in brief flashes of fire, but when he thought of the nightmare he was again filled with that manic hatred, so intense that it made him sick. This was nothing like he usually saw; this was nothing like the weak visions that warned him to danger when the Triumvirate's help was needed. The vision (or memory, as it may be) was so startling in its clarity, so singular in what it conveyed. He was convinced that Syndra had perished, murdered by the hand she'd sworn herself to.

Akali had agreed, not surprised in the least, but Kennen remained doubtful like he did.

Akali said that this was a good thing, that with Syndra gone Zed was no longer untouchable on his stolen, bloody throne. This was the break the Kinkou needed from his relentless hunt. She seemed to be implying more, that not only would the Kinkou be safer, but that they should be bold, but she kept the thoughts her words hinted at to none but herself.

And Shen…

If it was true, if they were right about Syndra's death, then Zed would either be exiled by the League or leave on his own; he would not allow himself to be tied down when his only reason to be was gone. They might even execute him, a prospect that Akali had offered with a familiar and scathing edge to her voice. That wasn't what plagued Shen now though, because the whole situation just did not sit right with him.

He, even days later, could not fathom why in the world he saw what he did.

Syndra's death posed no danger to Ionia; if anything, it was something that would be celebrated, because the Ionians did not live in her shadow gratefully- so why would he see the vision at all? And there was still the case_ of why_ Syndra would ever want to harm Zed, and he her, when it was hardly weeks ago that she'd stayed watch over his bedside and was prepared to murder at the drop of a hat to save him. It was evident in everything she did, everything she said, even the way she moved around Zed that she was, put simply, devoted to him. And Zed, shoving her behind him when Akali attacked even though he'd been too weak to defend her, his seclusion the last few years, the last few years he'd been with her…

Given half a second of thought, it was clear this was no simple partnership; Shen was hesitant to label such a twisted coupling as being in love_, _but he felt that they were made for each other in a way that most people were not. It was more that they were two halves of something dark, and one without the other…

Wrong.

Together they were a terror, but imagining them torn apart felt almost as unnatural as the shadows that Zed had given himself to, and the boundless power that raced through Syndra's veins. Shen, having realized this, could not force himself in any way to accept the vision as reality. There was no way that Syndra was dead, because Zed lacked the capability to kill her. He couldn't. Shen was convinced.

So what, then, did he see?

* * *

Syndra's descent to wakefulness was a slow sort of thing.

Slow and _painful_; there was a heaviness behind her eyes that turned sharply into a throbbing headache, and Syndra's body was quick to accent it with flares of pain from her back and her legs, along with a few more minor aches and discomforts. Her mind was blank, a black canvas that registered only pain, and plenty of it.

And when her awareness moved beyond that, she was reminded again of why she was injured so, of dark whispers that prompted her to kill, and of a wispy blade that had cut through her so easily, as if she were the shadow and not the wielder.

It was this that enticed Syndra to open her eyes, if for no other reason than to distract herself from the weight that made her chest feel unbearably tight; her lids flickered, as if refusing to open, but she was able to force them into slits that let in a small amount of very warm lighting.

Even from what little she was able to see, Syndra knew she'd never been in the room before; it was small, smaller than the bedroom she shared with Zed, and the walls were stark white and completely free of any decoration. They were covered in shadows that were stationary and did not flicker, which meant the room was lit with lamps, not torches. Syndra couldn't see the source of the meager lighting, and she tried to turn her head, getting only an inch or so before her sore muscles begged for her to stop. She would have to build up to moving again, but the soft lighting didn't hurt her eyes, so she opened them all the way, although there was really not much for her to see. She looked down, catalogued her lumpy form beneath a pile of cream colored sheets, and she thought it all looked too… _soft, _to match the pain that cut through her limbs.

There was a quiet noise to her right, soft and stifled like it was trying not to be heard, and Syndra painfully turned her stiff neck just enough for her to see. It wasn't the corner of the room with the lamp so it was bathed in shadow, but it was lit enough for Syndra to make out a familiar form perched stiffly in a chair pulled up to her bedside. Zed's left arm was pinned awkwardly to his side, held there by a sling, but aside from that he looked well enough. Her eyes flicked upwards to meet his, the only thing she was able to see perfectly clear in the dark, that familiar gaze framed by the slash of a new scar.

His crimson stare was dull, weighed down with an unfamiliar amount of emotion, and Syndra was forced to look away.

Shame burned through her, instinctive and hot, as she thought of the weakness that led them there. She couldn't remember what the shadow had said to her when she was sleeping, but it didn't matter; she should have been able to refuse, to resist…

And because she couldn't, she had nearly doomed Zed, and by extension, herself.

It made the pain she already felt feel so much worse, pitched to unbearable when Zed broke the silence.

"Syndra…"

She couldn't stand the hope in his voice, the lightness that suggested he was oh so glad that she was awake. Like it was no concern to him that this was her fault, because she was here and that was all that mattered.

She couldn't see what it was, but there was another disturbance to the silence when Zed moved, and although she kept her eyes downcast, Syndra could not ignore when the back of Zed's fingers trailed across her cheek, and the warmth shocked her, her skin itching to lean into the touch.

But her mind remembered and did not allow her to enjoy it, and Syndra tilted her face away until the warmth was gone.

Zed settled back into his chair and said nothing, but Syndra could still feel the weight of his gaze on her face, and her skin still begged for the heat it had been graced with only seconds ago. Her thoughts were muddied, but prompted by Zed's touch Syndra was flooded with memories of forgotten conversations between her and a shadow that didn't whisper poison into her mind, but that spoke of Zed and his need for her.

Zed's shadow… the one he commanded now. It had reached out to her.

Her mouth tasted sour at the thought, but Syndra supposed she was thankful, in a way; she was sure that, if left alone, she would have been asleep for a very, very long time, and considering that her wounds felt very fresh, she doubted it had been more than a few days. It was the one and only positive thing about the situation, which didn't even feel like it was because being awake meant facing every single ache she'd been inflicted with.

She tried to ignore the pain so that she could sit up, because she couldn't avoid facing Zed forever- and she wasn't going to do it cowering weakly beneath a blanket. She only tensed her muscles at first, hardly even able to be called movement, and that was not unbearable; encouraged, Syndra slowly moved her arms to her sides, ignoring a slight twinge in her shoulder and taking a deep, steadying breath before slowly and painfully pushing herself to her elbows, not quite sitting up but not laying down anymore, either.

Fortunately for Syndra, Zed reached out to better arrange the pillows behind her in the second she was able to keep herself up so that she had something to lean against, and aside from a sharp sting from her injured shoulders and the dull, resulting ache that followed when it subsided, Syndra was relieved to realize that the small movement wasn't as painful as she anticipated. Reassured by this, she took another small breath, just enough to stretch her lungs and steady her nerves before she looked back over to her right.

She kept her gaze downcast at first, focused on the sling that held Zed's arm in such an unnatural position, until she darted her eyes upwards to meet his in a lasting stare she couldn't manage before. She knew it didn't actually do anything to absolve her of her guilt, but Zed's eyes held an unspoken forgiveness that Syndra didn't think she deserved.

How many times had they been here before?

Too many times had one or the other committed some wrong, too ashamed to ask for the forgiveness the other would so readily give. The past few weeks had been nothing but misery for them both, and despite the fact that they were both in awful shape and in no mood for any sort of celebration, they'd been given a break from hardship. She had been reluctant initially, but Syndra wasn't going to squander the peaceful time she had with Zed right now.

She freed her right hand from underneath her blanket, much more comfortable moving now that she knew what to expect; there was a bit of protest from her shoulders that she ignored, but she held out her hand, bandaged and aching, to where it was immediately clasped and wrapped in the warmth of Zed's. The touch was light but sure, and Syndra wished that she could be given more.

As it was, Syndra was content to settle for what she was given, and she gave Zed's hand the strongest squeeze her fingers could manage.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice rough and broken.

It was more of a formality than anything to say the words, because she knew her regret would be written all over her face; Zed's eyes never left hers, providing the constant comfort that Syndra so desperately needed then.

"As am I."

There was no doubting the sincerity of the words from either of them, and neither was tempted to; they were all too eager to accept that, for the moment, things were… not okay, but not dire, either.

Syndra lifted her other hand, too, the one with the bandage-wrapped forearm, paying the injury little attention as she wrapped her bony fingers around Zed's hand, both of hers still barely being able to cover his one. It felt like her fingers were leaching all the warmth from his skin, but if her icy touch bothered him, he said nothing.

She let her gaze drift downwards to their folded hands, and she rubbed her thumb over the rough ridge of Zed's knuckles as she collected her thoughts.

"I can't… it is difficult for me to remember. What happened to the trial?"

Syndra's memories of the shadow's control were mostly bits and pieces, clearest when she was at her angriest; she could recall with striking clarity her fight with Zed, but the days before were dark and inconsistent, and the only sure thing she could glean from them was that she was very, very angry. There was a phantom flicker of that fury that curled in her belly when she tried to sift through the memories, and she gave up trying to recall them on her own.

"It went poorly, but they wish to hear your testimony again. Soon, if the tone of Vessaria's letters is anything to judge by."

It wasn't good news, but it wasn't terrible, either; Syndra would return to the League when she could, and try to fix at least one of the wrongs she'd committed. For now, though, there was little she could do but rest her injuries and wait.

She sighed as she let her head rest against her pillows, letting her gaze drift aimlessly through the tiny room as she settled into a more comfortable position. She still kept her hands wrapped around Zed's, absolutely refusing to relinquish it.

"Do you need anything?"

Syndra could probably use a few more hours of sleep and something to drink and if she could have forced herself to eat, she should have, but she didn't want Zed to have to leave. Right then, she really only needed one thing.

"No," she whispered, voice still so raspy from disuse, her eyes once again meeting Zed's and conveying that need more than her words ever could.

"I have everything I need here."

* * *

Zed couldn't help but feel a bit of trepidation when Syndra fell asleep some hours later.

He knew it was different this time, but the peace on her face did nothing to soothe him, and the only comfort he had was that Syndra had fallen asleep with her hands still loosely covering his own. Her touch was warmer than before, but still so light that it was ghostly, and Zed looked at the sharp angle of her cheekbones and listened to her hardly-even breathing with a pang of guilt.

Not a very lasting guilt; it gave quickly to a simmering anger, one that Zed had had many hours to cultivate.

He knew that Syndra put an unfair portion of blame for her situation on herself, a fact that exacerbated Zed's frustration, because it had become painfully clear to him where the blame should rest.

If Akali had just let him go, they wouldn't be here.

Zed's hand curled into a fist beneath Syndra's touch, a movement she remained unaware of, but the more he thought of the loss and injuries she'd endured, the harder it became for him to subdue his anger. And the thought that he'd been so close to losing Syndra because of the insufferable arrogance of one Kinkou ninja…

Unbearable.

_You have thought this before._

His shadow was right; many times, when faced with the Kinkou's interference, Zed had promised them a painful end. It was a blight on his credibility that they still lived.

"It is not the same."

A murmur so deadly quiet and livid, so near silent that only the shadow could hope to hear it.

The shadow could feel the flavor his thoughts, the intensity of his fury, his determination. It _was _different- that much was easy to discern. He had yet to voice it, but the shadow knew, just as Zed knew, that the Kinkou had gone much beyond too far this time. Zed's anger was a promise he only had yet to say.

He had been lax in his pursuit of the Kinkou before- it was not a mistake he would make again.

* * *

_**The shadow was always drawn to his Master when he was angry. **_

_**It fed off the fury that rolled off him in tantalizing waves, letting it consume itself just as much as it consumed its Master, reveling in the darkness. This was the anger that promised action, it promised death; it was the sort of anger that had, so long ago, driven the Kinkou to their feet and seen its Master to the throne they so rightly deserved. **_

_**It was the anger that promised to do so again. **_

_**The shadow twisted with excitement, curling through the dark corners of the witch's room. It still faced the difficulty of securing the witch's power to aid their goal, but it had a feeling it would not be as arduous a task as it anticipated. Its Master's anger was, for the most part, fueled by the wrongs he believed had been committed to his witch; it was flawed reasoning to the shadow, but if it had learned anything in its dealings with humans, it was that reason had little countenance when it came to those they attached themselves to. **_

_**The shadow had said nothing to its Master to convince him that a renewed effort against the Kinkou was vital; he had come to that murderous conclusion himself. It was not such a stretch to believe that the witch would do the same. **_

_**But only time would tell.**_

* * *

_**A/N: Reviews**_

_**DeepTerrorNoiRys- Soon! Thank you, but please no crying ;-; The shadow can't just let everyone else have the fun, you know?**_

_**Seth Darkcloud- Thank you ^~^ I actually like including Shen a lot.**_

_**Ah, RIP Akali. I haven't played her in months now. At least she's not permabanned anymore, right?**_

_**Ulcaasi- Oh I would. Even though I didn't, I would. **_

_**Mikachu- The shadow is definitely interested in her (like the short) but I've always seen it as exceedingly self-centered; love is not an emotion the shadow knows. As for the dream, I always thought Shen got… visions, I suppose, of the things the Triumvirate had to deal with? I guess I interpret Eye of Twilight a bit literally. And the danger Zed and Syndra pose was enough that Akali and Kennen saw it, too. Hope that makes sense! Ah, you guys definitely have my soul. I'm here till this is finished ^~^ Thank you!**_

_**AllFourSeasons- I think I pm'd you months ago, but if I didn't, then if you have your subscriptions enabled in your settings, then if you follow or favorite a story you should get an email every time the author updates. It's not finished yet, no worries!**_

_**Peachtree- Thanks! I miss it too ;-;**_

_**Allen606- Ahh, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Sorry the update took so long.**_

_**Tenchu11- There isn't going to be a part three, but the fic isn't finished yet! I'm going to finish it though, so no worries.**_

_**Chopschicken- As long as it's enjoyable :)**_

_**GarenKat Fangirl- eloquent.**_

_**Ave Imperium- Yes really.**_

_**Mikachu- Thank you for the review- I wrote a lot after that, and I'm grateful that you left the review to remind me.**_


	25. FIC UPDATE- NOT A NEW CHAPTER

I'm technically not supposed to do this, but I wanted to let you all know that I won't be continuing this iteration of the fic. I WILL be rewriting the story when I get the chance, so I'm not abandoning the story- not that it's being updated or anything lol.

I've been struggling with this fic for a while and it's no secret that I'm unhappy with it. It was started when I had no idea what I was doing (I mean… that's still kind of the case lol) but it's all over the place, the characters aren't written the way I think they should be, there are crazy amounts of plot holes, and there are so many other problems I can't really fix. I've always meant to rewrite the fic, I've just recently decided that I don't want to keep adding to this mess. I don't currently plan to delete either this fic or Balancing Shadows, but… yeah! There will be no more additions.

Again, I'm definitely going to be rewriting this when I get the time and am happy with a solid plot. I've planned most of it already, it has an ending, and I'm still in love with the characters. I'm not leaving for good just yet. Thank you so, SO much to everyone who's read it, reviewed, followed so far though - writing this fic has made me so happy in the past, and you guys have no idea how amazing it is when people show support for the things I do. I really, truly appreciate it, and I hope to see you guys for the rewrite c: Mwuah!

Tl;dr - Not happy with this fic, won't be continuing it, will be rewriting it in the future.

I won't be adding another chapter to respond to reviews- although I feel like I've covered everything, you can send me a PM if you have questions or something.

\- Juju


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