Glee 1. Chapter 1

**AN : Hi, this is my first attempt at writing a fic and I really hope you all like it. If you do please let me know by reviewing...I'm from the UK so any mistakes are my own. x**

**Disclaimer : Oh how I wish I owned Glee, it'd be all about the Rachel and Quinn for me. x**

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"Oh my, oh my, oh my." I chant as I pace around my bedroom frantically, I know I won't get anywhere by doing this but it seems to be placating me so I continue to move and to chant.

I am so silly, it's took us months to build up this tentative friendship and I ruin it all in seconds. I never envisioned that I would end up being friends with HBIC Quinn Fabray, she has hated me for years but with her recent pregnancy she had thawed towards me. We had begun a friendship after she called round to my house when she was locked out of Mercedes one night, she had told me she had gone for a walk after sneaking out and they must have locked up assuming she was in bed. She had nowhere else to go as she was still on shaky ground with her mother and had yet to agree to move back in, her and Puck were still having issues as he was struggling to come to terms with his daughter being given away. Santana was having a 'sleep over' with Brittany, she had said that with air quotes so it's safe to assume that whatever they were doing it was not sleeping. I had took her upstairs to my bedroom without a second thought, because I Rachel Barbara Berry am a forgiving person and I fundamentally just want to help people and be friends with everyone, I will admit that on numerous occasions it can go terribly wrong but I really do try.

After that night she would come over at least once a week, said she liked the feel of my house and how welcoming it felt. My fathers were very reluctant at first, after all they had held me night after night when I simply couldn't hold my sobbing in any longer, because even though I put a brave face on everything I am only human and I feel things just the same as everyone else. So thus begun our friendship, she got the cheerleaders and jocks to stop throwing slushies at me and even said hello to me in the corridors.

So now I must move on to how I messed it all up;

This very morning is where it all started. My day had started out normally and when my alarm went off I bounced from my bed and stretched before stepping straight on my exercise machine with a slight smile on my face.

I jumped from the elliptical with a slight spring in my step and a smile on my face, I was finally starting to feel good again after my break up with Finn, it hadn't hurt as much as I thought and I think the main feeling I had was one of relief, I was sick of trying to pretend that he cared about me and how it didn't hurt when he failed to stick up for me. Although the slushies had stopped the relentless teasing about my clothes, attitude and sexuality hadn't. But today I felt good and Quinn had told me in last nights glee that she was coming over tonight which meant I'd get to spend some time alone with her as my Fathers were going out on a date. I try to ignore the flutter of butterflies in my stomach at the thought of me and Quinn alone, because really, just because I had gay parents I couldn't be gay too? How much of a stereotype would that make me, and Rachel Berry is not a stereotype... I couldn't help it though, the feelings she was causing in me were proving hard to ignore.

On my way to the shower my phone vibrated on my night stand to show I had a new text, I frowned as I looked at the early time before picking up my phone and opening the text from her.

_Berry, need to talk to you, can you meet me in the choir room in an hour? Quinn_

I glanced at the clock again, in a hours time it would still be a full hour before school would even start, but I could tell that whatever it was she wished to speak to me urgently, so I quickly typed out a reply.

_Of course, I shall be there, please don't be late. Rachel *_

I smiled at the little star after my name and placed my phone down before rushing to the shower, I usually had a relaxed two hours to get ready and prepare breakfast and lunch before leaving for school, so I would have to hurry to be on time.

I eased open the choir room door exactly an hour after I received the text from Quinn, to find that Quinn had already arrived and was sitting with her back to me at the piano absent-mindedly pressing different keys on the piano.

( - - )

"Quinn." I say softly to alert the blonde to my presence.

She spins around and smiles sadly at me.

"Rachel, hi, thanks for meeting me." She says getting up and approaching me, she stops in front of me and runs a hand through her normally well kept locks.

I look at her and notice that her normally beautiful blue eyes are red rimmed and slightly puffy and she looks tired and unkempt.

"Quinn, is something wrong? You do not look your usual immaculate self, in fact if I may be so old as to say you look positively awful, your eyes are very red and your hair is a mess, not to mention your attire." I say glancing down at her grey sweatpants and red tank top.

"I get it, I get it." Quinn says with a little chuckle and shake of her head. "You really need to work on your bedside manner Rach."

I shrug and widen my eyes innocently as I try to ignore the fluttering in my stomach that happens when she says Rach.

"I broke up with Sam last night." Quinn says finally after a few minutes silence, before running her hands through her hair again as she goes to sit on one of the plastic chairs near the piano. I follow her silently and sit next to her.

I don't say anything for a long time, simply laying my hand on top of hers in what I hope is comforting matter.

"Quinn, I'll be here for you, no matter what you need. You were there for me after Finn and I wish to repay the favour."

"It's ok, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I broke up with Sam and well I just don't feel...anything. I wasn't upset, I wasn't sad I just felt, well, I felt relieved." She says with a disapproving shake of her head.

"That's how I felt after Finn. I was sick of trying to pretend that he loved me, that he cared when all he ever cared about was his popularity."

"But Rach that's understandable, he was pretty awful to you sometimes. Sam has been nothing but lovely to me, always so kind and caring, he gave me a ring and he tells me he loves me constantly. Some-things missing though and I can't put my finger on what it is."

I can't help but grin slightly, this is it. She must be starting to realise that she can't find what she wants with Sam or with any other guy. I don't know why I think Quinn is also gay, it's nothing that she has done in particular, it's just a feeling I get. Her eyes linger on me a little too long, I've caught her checking out my legs on occasion and I've noticed her eyes stray to my chest when she talks to me.

I bring myself back to Quinn as she turns towards me, her eyes looking troubled and her face looking worried.

"What's wrong with me Rach, why can't I love him." She pleads as tears escape from the corner of her eyes and she angrily swipes at them before they manage to make it past her cheeks.

"Shhh come here." I say bringing her towards me. I rest my forehead against hers and cup her cheek with my hand.

As our eyes connect, I felt it. The IT that people talk about, that everyone wants to experience but few rarely do. I was in love with Quinn Fabray and I just couldn't deny it any longer.

"Rach..." She whispers out my name as I pull back slightly.

"It's ok, your ok, your perfect." I say gently, continuing to trace her jaw with my fingers, before leaning closer to her.

I feel her breath wash over my face the closer I get to her, I can smell the sweet smell of her as I lower my mouth to hers. I wait a second before I start to move my mouth, waiting for her to move away. I gasp as she starts to kiss me back, her mouth moving against mine languidly, as her tongue sweeps across my lower lip I can't help but gasp out her name. Less than one second later and I'm sitting kissing fresh air.

"Qui..." I don't even manage to get her name out before she spins around from where she has stomped over to.

"Don't! Just fucking don't. I don't know what the fuck your trying to prove Berry but I don't want this. I'm not, I can't be like that." She looks furious, her eyes wild and her hair even more disheveled than before.

"Please, just let me explain Quinn. I know you wanted it too, you kissed back."

"Shut up!" She screams at me, her voice sounding hoarse. "Just shut up, I didn't want this, don't want it. I didn't kiss you back and I never would. I hate you man-hands, you're a fucking freak, just like your fathers."

I take a step back at the venom in her voice. It's been so long since she's called me names and been mean to me I had forgotten how much it hurt.

"I'm only going to say this once, stay the hell away from me. If you leave me alone I won't make your life a living hell, if you try to talk to me again all bets are off and your a target again and I promise, this time around it will be worse." She doesn't look at me again as she storms from the room, her blonde hair flying out behind her.

That was how I'd messed things up between me and Quinn, I still can't quite believe what I did and I know that because I can't stay away from her, my remaining years in High School are going to be very tough.

**7 Years Later**

"Next" A voice from in front of the stage calls out.

I take a deep breath and remind myself that I'm Rachel Berry, I can't be daunted by an audition, even if this is the first play I've read that has really grabbed my attention in so long. I got the script from an unknown writer through my agent. Mary has been in the business for over 40 years, she has seen and read just about everything but she was really impressed with this play. She told me I was perfect for the part. When the script for 'Revelations' was given to me I glanced at it when I arrived back in my apartment, only meaning to read the first couple of pages, but before I knew it I was finished. I rang Mary straight after and told her I wanted to do it, I was completely gripped and I knew this was what I had been waiting for, for so long.

I take a deep breath and head out onto my mark on the stage and blink slightly at the spotlight glaring into my eyes. It takes me a second for my eyes to adjust before falling on the writer and producer of the play.

"Quinn" I say softly.

The blonde head that had been looking down at a sheet of paper on the desk shot up when I spoke, her eyes met mine, hazel on brown and I feel like I 've been transported back to high school as she shook her head from side to side.

"No fucking way." She mutters darkly.


	2. Part of the club

**AN Thank you all sooo much for the reviews and alerts they made me so happy I decided to update earlier than planned ;-)**

**If you enjoy this chapter please let me know by hitting that button at the bottom, also let me know what you'd like to see and I'll try my very best to get it in to the story somehow. **

**Disclaimer : I own nothing...except a huge love for everything glee ;-) xx**

I can feel my heart pounding in my chest and my breath coming out in sharp bursts as Quinn's hazel eyes blaze into mine. All I can think of is that she must have changed her name for the script, I definitely would have remembered seeing her name and I certainly wouldn't have come to audition for a part in a play she was involved in. I vaguely hear Quinn clearing her throat in front of me and it seems to bring me to my senses. I am a god-damn professional and I will do this dialogue to the very best of my ability, because, well, failure is never an option.

(–)

I finish my dialogue and without waiting for Quinn to say or do anything I spin round and jog from the stage, straight into the arms of a familiar figure, also from my past.

"Well, well, well, look at what the cat dragged in. Where the hell do you think your going man-hands?" Santana Lopez asks with a wicked glint in her eyes and a quirk of her eyebrow.

She steps back from me, holding me away from her as her eyes rake over my body. I squirm under her gaze as it feels like she is undressing me. I'm so stunned, not one tormentor from my past but two have turned up, I don't know how horrible I was in a past life to deserve this but I must have been some kind of type serial killer. I think things can't get any stranger when another voice from my past speaks from behind me.

"Sanny, let her go and stop staring at her like you want to eat her." Brittany skips into my view as she stands behind Santana, slipping her arms around her waist and resting her chin in the crook of Santana's neck grinning manically at me.

"Hiya Rachel, how long have you been here for, it's like a mini glee club reunion isn't it?" She says in her lovely soft voice, that I remember from many comforting conversations that used to take place after slushie attacks.

I know I must look so dumb right now as I stare at the two of them, with my mouth slightly agape and wide eyes, struggling to form one word let alone a whole sentence right now.

"Oh look Brits, man-hands is mute, fucking finally, the one thing I've dreamt of since I first heard her speak has finally come true." Santana smirks at me again, her eyes once again trailing over my body. What the hell is her problem, why is she looking at me like that.

"Leave her alone, she looks shocked and she looks scared. Are you constipated Rach, because that's a little how Sanny looks when she..." She doesn't get to finish as Santana spins round in her arms and glares at the ditzy blonde. "Over-share?" She asks with a cute little smile and I see, for the first time in quite a while the effect the blonde has on the fiery latina. She instantly relaxes her posture and her face softens as she pulls Brittany into her arms and whispers something into the blonde's ear which makes her giggle and blush.

I take this chance as my escape, they are immersed in each other and they won't notice if I slip away. I edge my way past them and just as I head towards the exit Brittany's voice stops me.

"Rach, you're not just gonna leave are you." Its the tone of her voice that gets me, she seems so sad, like she can't believe anyone wouldn't want to stick around and catch up with her past tormentors. Not Brittany so much as she was never directly involved in any of it, and she would always come to find me afterwards, to tell me how she really liked me and that if it wasn't for the fact of Santana hating me she would have really liked to be my friend.

I turn and send a small smile in Brittany's direction.

"I-I-I can't, I'm sorry I have to get back, I have to go, now." I say, my voice sounds foreign to me. I feel the old Rachel Berry arising around these people and I don't like it.

"Where do you have to go to?" She asks softly and I know I can't not answer her.

"I have to pick my girlfriend up from the airport." I say and wince as Brittany screams and bounds over to me, wrapping me up in a hug.

I have changed so much since high school, but one thing will always remain. I love a hug, they are so much more personal than most other human interactions apart from the obvious. You can truly feel what the other person feels when they hug you. You know if they are indifferent to you or if they love you and if they are like Brittany, so pure and innocent in just wanting you to bask in their happiness.

"Yay your part of the club now too!" She exclaims as she jumps up and down with me still encased in her arms.

"Club? What club?" I ask in complete bewilderment.

"Brits babe, let man-hands go." Santana says softly as she pulls Brittany away from me before looking back at me with a small smile on her face.

"We tried to get into that new club last week, Aspire? But when we couldn't get on the guest list we went to another club that was called unimaginatively the gay club, so now Brits thinks that the club was a meeting place for every gay person, that we are all in some kind of club together." She says it with her usual tone of distaste, but looks lovingly at Brittany when the blonde pouts at her girlfriend.

I can't help the snort that slips out at the thought of it, every gay person being a member of a club and meeting up regularly to discuss, well gay things I suppose.

"Something to say dwarf?" Santana asks, an evil glint in her eye.

"No, no, just thinking that I can get you in that club if you want?" I say with a shrug. I have no idea why I've just offered them entry into Aspire and I just know Katie is going to pissed with me. She'll tell me that once again I'm letting them walk all over me.

"Oh yeah, the big Broadway star helping us little people eh?" Santana says with a roll of her eyes.

"No, not at all actually. My girlfriend owns the club, so it's more to do with that than who I am. But that's fine, if you don't wish to take me up on my offer I'll be on my way." I back up slightly as Santana's eyes widen and Brittany hits her arm excitedly.

"Stop Berry." Santana says, grinning at my surprised face when she says my surname rather than another insult. "We want into that club, me and Brits want to get our groove on in the hottest place to be."

I smile and look at my watch, I should have been gone already and I have a real fear that any minute now Quinn is going to burst in on us and I really do not want to screw my head up any-more than it already has been.

"Just pass me your details and I'll sort something ok, hurry up though I should have been gone around ten minutes ago." I say hurriedly.

"Look who got some sass since high school." Santana says as she shoots me a wink before handing me a card with her details on.

I shove the card in my jacket and give them a smile and a wave as I make what I hope will be a final bid for freedom.

"Oh Berry." Santana calls just as I get the door, I shoot a look over my shoulder to her, noticing that her eyes are on my butt.

"Q was right New York has been good for you, you do look positively delectable." She drawls out , not bringing her eyes up to my face.

I glance at Brittany but wish I hadn't as she is staring at me with the same look in her eyes. Then it finally sinks in what she has said. Q meaning Quinn has been talking about me? Commenting on how I look. I want to ask them more, but I already know that I'm going to be late so I shake my head and finally make my escape, knowing how much I'm going to over analyse every part of the conversation I've just had.

**AN 2 Sorry this is quite short, but it's a lead up to the next chapter - reviews = quicker updates :-) xx**


	3. Forgiving

**AN I'm sooooo sorry it's taken longer than I expected to get this up, got stuck halfway through and struggled...but I hope it's ok and I hope you all enjoy it :-)**

**Also, a huuuuge thank you for your reviews, alerts etc. they make my day :-) xx**

**Disclaimer : It's unfortunate but I still don't own glee :-(**

As I pull up outside of the arrivals lounge at the airport I can't help but be slightly irritated with myself. If I was just a little more willing to break the rules and speed I could have been here a lot sooner, but here I am over thirty minutes late to have to face the anger of Katie.

I have been going out with Katie for nearly two years now and I'm crazy about her, she is pretty much everything I've always wanted, attentive, caring, gorgeous and she always encourages me to stand up for myself. She just sometimes expresses it in the worst way but she hates to see me taken advantage of and if I'm honest it barely happens any-more, partly due to her and partly due to myself. After high-school I was completely ready for a change, I wanted to be more relaxed and easier to get along with but I also wanted to have a backbone and be able to stand up for myself. I met Katie just before I started working on Wicked and my life exploded into the madness that fame brought, she was visiting from L.A looking at potential spaces for a new club when a mutual friend introduced us. The day we met, she had glided into the potential space I had mentioned like she owned it already and I was captivated. Taller than me, she has a body that could adorn the front cover of Sports Illustrated, showcased in a tight fitting white t-shirt and denim shorts. She has a glorious mane of thick black hair and beautifully strange grey eyes, full pouty lips and beautifully angled cheekbones. She still is one of the most beautiful women I've ever been with and I never thought I stood a chance, but before I knew what was happening we were on a date and then we were trying a long-distance relationship. It was hard at first but we had made it work, the strange thing is, a long-distance relationship worked for me. I didn't feel smothered and I never needed to ask for space and whenever I had a performance or just needed her she was always on the first plane out. And now things were changing, she is coming over to spend the next six months, the longest we had ever spent together without a break and a little part of me is nervous. She has had some issues and let them spill over into our life together but she was getting better now, I'm just being my usual self, over analysing everything.

I bring myself out of my daydream as Katie strides towards my car, eyes blazing. Her hot body moving fluidly as she strides. She doesn't even glance at me as she opens my boot and flings her case in with a loud sigh. I roll my eyes as she throws herself into the passenger seat, still not looking at me.

"Lovely of you to show up babe." She snipes out with a haughty sniff.

I can't help but roll my eyes at her slightly dramatic nature, it worries me how similar she can be to me sometimes, it also worries me in general whenever she's in a bad mood and she's likely to snap.

"I got held up at that audition Kay, you know for that script I sent you."

She stays silent and I know her well enough to know that if I keep quiet for long enough she'll break down eventually and speak. So we stay in silence for most of the ride to my, I mean, I guess our apartment.

"So how did it go?" She asks in a softer voice, finally looking my way, those intense grey eyes locking on to mine as I pull up outside the apartment.

"I don't know, I didn't stick around to find out." I say, my hands gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white.

"What? Why?" She asks placing her hand on top of mine, gliding her finger over the back of my hand.

"The play, it's, well, it was written by..." I trail off, unable to finish the sentence, still slightly unable to believe the days events.

"Written by who? Fucksake Rach you look like you're going to throw up. Was it that Barbara chick you're always banging on about?" She says with a scoff.

"No, of course Barbara Streisand didn't write it and for god-sake don't be so flippant when you talk about my idol. It was Quinn Fabray who wrote it, Quinn Fucking Fabray!" I say loudly, banging my fist on my steering wheel in frustration.

I'm not so angry that I don't sense Katie stiffen beside me and her sharp intake of breath. She knows of my past with Quinn, not the kissing part, but the torment she put me through. The slushies and name calling, the trips to the dumpsters and just the general bullying that I went through. She hates Quinn, she hates her to the point where I would worry if they were ever to find themselves in the same room as each other.

"She wrote it, you saw her, today?" She snarls at me as if I've made this happen.

"Yes and yes, I performed because I'm a professional but then I left as quickly as possible. I didn't want to stick around and hear what she had to say."

"Babe." She says softening instantly, reaching across the mid-section of my car to wrap her long arms around me, encasing me in her arms.

"I'm fine Kay, really I am, it was just a shock." I say as I pull away and get out of the car, I watch as Katie easily hauls her suitcase from the car and follows me to the front of the apartment.

"I wouldn't have been able to stop myself telling her what an awful person she was" Katie huffs out.

"And I love you for that, but it was hardly the right setting, especially when I want a part in her play and she makes the decisions." I say as I close the apartment door behind me, throwing my keys into the bowl on the unit next to the front door.

"I'm sorry what?"

"What?" I question, frowning at her as she stands in front of me with her arms crossed and a very unhappy look on her face. I was always upsetting her without meaning to.

"You want a part? Still? Even now you know that she's part of it." She looks at me as if I'm crazy.

I shake my head and go to walk past her, but she grabs my wrist as I pass and yanks me closer to her, her nails digging into my wrist painfully.

"Stop Kay, stop it." I hiss out at her and she seems to come to her senses and drops my wrist quickly, staring at her own hand is if she's never seen it before.

"Baby, I'm so sorry, I just..."

"Leave it Kay, I'm sick of this and I told you I won't put up with it any-more." I say, ignoring the pain in my wrist as I push past her and hurry to the kitchen, needing to be apart from her so soon after her arriving does not bode well.

"I know you won't and I'm sorry, I'm still seeing that counsellor and working through my shit. I know it's not fair of me to ask you to keep being patient, but I'm really trying Rach." She pleads as she follows me. She stops behind me and wraps her arms around me, resting her hands on my stomach and her chin in the crook of my neck. "Sorry" She whispers again.

I sigh loudly and shake my head wondering when I became this person. I was always a forgiving person but sometimes, like now, I hate myself for it. I want to be angry at her and I wanted to stay away from her when her anger first showed itself but here I am, still forgiving her and still finding myself unable to stay away from her.

"I know Kay, I've been patient and I'll continue to be, but I can't have a repeat..."

"You won't" She reassures me, pressing a kiss against my neck and I try to push down the uncomfortable feeling in my chest that I'm not as comforted as I should be by her statement.

"I just don't want you having to work with someone who was once so cruel to you baby." She says softly and I roll my eyes thinking how hypocritical she's being right now and how she'll never get that her cruelness was always much worse than what Quinn Fabray had ever put me through.

"She might have changed Kay and you know how important it is to give people second chances." I say, making sure she knows that I'm talking about her.

"What if she hasn't" She says softly.

"Then I won't get the part, if she has and she gives me the part then I won't turn it down. It's an amazing script and so unlike anything I've ever done before, this would be amazing for me and if it means working with Quinn then I'll do it."

I smile as I hear her sigh because I know she won't fight me on this and as unhappy as she is about it, she'll try and pretend for me, because she's still trying to get back on my good side.

Later that night as Katie moves above me, peppering me with kisses and pushing my thighs apart with her hands as she lowers herself between my thighs, I squeeze my eyes shut tightly trying to ignore the fact that all I think of is hazel eyes and blonde hair.

(–)

**Quinn**

"You were right Q." Santana hisses in my ear as she slides into seat next to me.

"About what?" I say with a sigh as I rub a hand over my tired face. It had been a long day and the surprise of seeing Rachel Berry again still hadn't worn off.

"Berry, she's looking fucking hot as hell. I mean I never thought I'd say this Q, but I would so bang her." She adds a crude hand gesture just to make sure I definitely understand her.

"I get it San, fucking hell stop that." I say pushing her fingers from my face, mainly from disgust and mainly because I just never know where her fingers have been and well, I shudder at the thoughts and images running through my head now.

"You wanna bang her too, why don't you just admit it." She says with a shrug as she leans back in her seat and lets her gaze drift to the stage where her eyes widen and she smirks. I turn to the stage and see Brittany dancing, effortlessly moving and making art with her body. Sometimes she says the silliest things and you forget. You forget that's she this amazing and that she can literally change the atmosphere in a room with a few moves of her body. I could watch her all day and never grow tired.

"You're vile and so much like a boy its unreal." I say, still keeping my eyes on Brittany as she twirls and laughs on the empty stage. "She's too good for you you know." I say with a small laugh as I push my shoulder against Santana's who is still staring at Brittany like she wants to eat her.

"I fucking know Q, but I have her and you don't have your girl so maybe you should shut the fuck up." She huffs out and I realise my joke has hit a nerve.

"Hey, I was only joking San. You two are awesome together and your right, I'm still fucking mooning over someone who hates me and you got over yourself years ago and got the girl." I say with a small sigh as I lean back in the chair and run my hands through my hair.

"You have a chance though Q, cast her and you'll be spending so much time together you'll be able to win her over. For fucksake you could sing to her, Berry loves shit like that." Santana says as she pushes my shoulder back to show there's no hard feelings. That's what I love about San, she's pissed for like a minute and lets you know about it before she goes right back into friend mode.

"She won't accept a role in this now she knows I'm part of it." I say sadly.

"This the same Rachel Berry yeah? She wouldn't have come if she didn't think it was an amazing play and she wouldn't have gone ahead with the audition unless she wanted to be part of it."

I stay silent as I think of what Santana has just said, she's right Rachel wouldn't have come if she wasn't passionate about it and she knew her words which meant she had read the script a fair few times, plus she was just amazing and I always had her in mind when I wrote the play. I just never believe she'd audition for an off-broadway play now she's so successful.

"Did you talk to her?" I say softly and Santana looks at me and smiles softly.

"You're such a fucking pussy Fabray, just ask me what you wanna ask me" She says with a shake of her head.

"Is she still seeing that woman from L.A.?" I ask.

I've followed Rachel's career and life closely since leaving high school. It was easier when I moved to New York and it became even easier when she hit the big time, she never seemed to be out of the tabloids and her coming out was huge news when it happened. I can still remember the day I was walking past a news stand and saw her on the front page with her arms wrapped around a very pretty dark haired woman and I just stopped dead in the middle of the side-walk. My heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces because whilst I clearly knew she had inclinations towards the same sex, when we left high-school I heard she was dating some guy name Jason from her school. I had been crushed then, even though I had no right to be, but seeing her with another woman hit me harder. I had been pissed when she had kissed me in high-school, more out of fear than anything else. I don't know if I'll ever to be able to apologise to her enough or tell how scared I was back then, how scared and stupid I'd been. I don't really know when I started to change and realise that I had nothing to be scared of but I think it started when I moved out of Ohio, getting away from that small town mentality meant I finally felt free. And it certainly helped that I went away to school with Santana and if anyone's going to open your eyes to your sexuality it's going to be her.

"Yeah she is, she was going to pick her up from the airport. She owns that new club Aspire."

"Yeah I know, I guess to rumours are true then, she's moving out here to be closer to the club and to be closer to Rachel...fuck!" I say remembering what I'd read in the gossip blogs a few weeks ago.

"Hey Q, your my girl and I've got your back so believe me when I say this girl means shit. You can still get Berry. When she spoke about her, there was nothing there no like fire or light behind her eyes and you know everything Berry's feeling it shows in her eyes." Santana nods to herself and pats me on my arm.

"Quinny! Quinny!" Brittany yells from the stage and I look up and laugh as she makes her way over the stage doing a backwards crab.

"Yeah B." I yell back.

"You gonna bang Rach? Because if not I'm thinking of asking her to do a threesome with me and Sanny." She says unfurling herself from the crab and grinning crazily at me.

I can't help but laugh at her, she has this ability to make you laugh, especially when she says something that will embarrass Santana. I laugh harder and try to push thoughts of Rachel Berry to the back of my mind as Santana groans and says something about getting a gag for her girlfriend.

**Review please xx**


	4. Fear

**AN Happy Valentine's Day Everyone hope you're all having or have had a lovely day. Because I'm feeling generous and you're all so lovely I'm updating earlier than planned.**

**Thanks to everyone for reviewing and please keep it up with the feedback, I love seeing what you all think :-) **

**Oh and don't worry I will be delving into Katie and Rachel's past soon, to see what our little diva has had to put up with. Xx**

**Disclaimer : I asked for glee for valentine's day but alas I still don't have it :-( xx**

_**Rachel**_

I lift my head slightly from the pillow as I hear my cell-phone ringing in the kitchen and extract myself from Katie's firm hold, leaving her asleep in bed. She's been like this since she came back three days ago, possessive and constantly around me or ringing me if she she isn't. I feel smothered by her and I don't know how to tell her without upsetting her or causing another argument.

I frown at the unknown number flashing on the screen of my phone as I answer it.

"Rachel Berry."

"Er, hi, erm, hello, I mean, hey it's Quinn." I smile as I hear the HBIC fumble over her words, her obvious nervousness coming through the phone. I stay silent, trying to work out how to respond when she continues.

"Quinn Fabray, f-f-from high-school." She says a little clearer, I can tell she's starting to get annoyed by my silence.

I chuckle softly into the phone. "I know who you are Quinn, can I assume you're calling me with regards to the play." I say as I make my way over to the window seat in my apartment that looks out over a busy sidewalk, bringing my knees up to my chin as I look at everyone rushing around even at this early hour, this city really does never sleep.

"Yeah, I mean yes. God I'm so nervous, I don't know what's wrong with me." I smile as she laughs nervously down the phone. "Can we meet Rachel, would that be ok?"

"Yes, I'd like that Quinn." I say, already thinking of a way to not tell Katie where I was going so she didn't demand to come with me or worse, start an argument with me over it.

"Great!"

I wince as she exclaims loudly into the phone. "When would you like to meet?" I realise I sound very formal, but I really don't know anything about who Quinn Fabray is these days and whilst she sounds nervous and sweet on the phone, she could still be the same bitch she has always been in person.

"Today? This morning if possible, I have some meetings this afternoon so around ten thirty would be perfect. If that's ok with you? If not we could re-arrange for another day, I mean, I realise you may not be free at such short notice..."

"Quinn! Stop! It's fine ten thirty is fine, I'll meet you at Riingo's for some brunch if that's suitable?" I interrupt her before she can continue, I'm not used to this Quinn, she seems almost, well, considerate.

"That's perfect Rachel, see you soon and thank you." She says a little breathlessly as she ends the call between us.

I stare down at the phone in my hand, it almost seemed like I had made a date with Quinn, I shake my head and laugh at myself. It's a meeting about work with the girl who had took pleasure in making my life hell in high-school, I just hoped I knew what I was getting myself into.

"Who was that?"

Katie's voice startles me and I look up from the phone in my hand to my girlfriend, she really is beautiful and for some strange reason I feel guilty about even talking to Quinn. Her mane of black hair is unruly around her face, her grey eyes wide and questioning and I know before I open my mouth I'll tell her who it is.

"Quinn, she invited me to a meeting regarding the play." I say truthfully unfurling myself from the window seat and heading towards her.

"That's funny Rach, because it sounded like you were inviting her to Riingo's for brunch, I didn't hear anything about the play." She says as she narrows her eyes at me and steps back as I go to place a hand on her arm.

"Kay, don't bloody do this again please, not now." I snap at her and go to head to the bathroom.

"Don't fucking walk away from me Rachel!" She snarls at my retreating form.

I spin round to face her. "Just fucking stop this shit Kay, what's wrong with you? You've been acting strange ever since you came back, we haven't fought like this in so long and you've been so fucking clingy it's killing me, I feel like I can't breathe with you always around." I shout out, I don't mean to say so much and it's very rare I snap at all, which must be why she's staring at me in shock.

It doesn't last long though and before I know it she's marching right up to me, towering above me as she pushes me back slightly with her body. Her eyes are blazing and I've seen this look before so I'm wise enough to know that I should be scared.

"You just don't fucking get it do you, stupid fucking bitch!" She hisses out at me, pressing her face close to mine. "You don't see how you fucking look when you speak about her, like she's some fucking god yet all she did was treat you like shit, at least when I do I pity you enough to fuck you afterwards." The Katie of old is back and I'm really fucking scared now.

I wince and try to step back from her but she reaches out and grabs my still sore wrist, gripping it tightly in her hand and squeezing, a small grin forming on her face as I cry out and try to move back again but she pulls me in to her body.

"See baby, this is how it works with us. I hurt you and then I fuck you." She says as she pushes her free hand roughly down my jersey shorts. I whimper and shake my head, my heart hammering loudly in my chest. I don't want this, I don't want her near me right now let alone where she is but I'm frozen in my fear and all I can do is shake my head as she attempts to force my thighs apart with one hand. "C'mon baby you know you want it." She says to me, her voice low and terrifying.

"No, please Kay, please don't do this. I can't forgive this." I finally get out, bringing my hand down and gripping onto the arm she she has pushed down my shorts. I press my fingernails into the skin and stare into her eyes. "Stop." I whisper out brokenly.

Her eyes soften, as does her grip on my sore wrist and I step back from her with wide eyes as I struggle to catch my breath. I can't believe it, she's been doing so well, therapy and not drinking and trying and now this, over...over nothing really.

"Ra.." She says, tears in her eyes as she stares at her hands. She looks up and me and her face crumbles, tears falling freely as sobs start to rack her body. "What's wrong with me? What kind of fucking monster am I?" She cries out as she falls to the floor, still staring at her hands. "I just nearly...when you didn't... I mean... I just." She looks up at me again and starts to sob harder.

My heart literally aches from inside my chest as I watch her. I love her and I've forgiven her before when she's apologised, but this is different , what she was going to do was too far. But she looks so broken. I kneel on the floor and wrap my arms around her sobbing form, holding my painful wrist away from her body as she clings to me. I stare at the bruises and the half moon nail marks embedded in the skin and shake my head sadly, I'm so tired of this, so tired of being afraid all the time.

"I love you so much baby, I am so, so, sorry. I need help Rach, help me please." She pleads as I continue to hold her. I stay silent and just hold her because if I try to speak right now I don't know what I could say to make this better.

(-)

I pull a long sleeved, low cut red top on over my black skinny leg jeans and make sure the sleeves are long enough to cover my wrist. Once again I shake my head, I thought I was over this, I never thought I would have to cover up anything any-more. Katie is asleep on the couch after crying herself to sleep and I feel like I can breath more easily now. I still haven't spoke to her about what happened earlier, I'm not ready to face it yet and I know I'm burying my head in the sand but I have too much going on right now to let myself wallow in the situation.

I pull my knee-high boots on over my jeans and straighten up to check out my reflection. I narrow my eyes and try to block out the negative thoughts Katie's words had put into my head. I pick up my bag and leave the apartment without a second glance at Katie, to see if she is still asleep or awake, I can't bare to look at her yet.

When I arrive at Riingo's the woman behind the bar smiles at me and must recognise me from previous visits as she comes out and takes me to my usual table. I tell her I'm expecting a guest and she winks and makes her way back to the bar.

"Hi, I'm here for a meeting with Rachel, Rachel Berry."

I look up as I hear Quinn's voice and feel my breath catch in my throat. She is dressed to impress and impress she has. She is wearing a black skin-tight pencil skirt, with a slit that is tantalising high, she has a cream blouse on, tucked inside her skirt and her beautiful blonde hair is pulled back from her face and secured at the nape of her neck. She looks breathtaking.

She was shown to my table and as soon as she saw me she stopped and stared, her mouth dropping slightly. She seems to shake herself and she makes her way to me, when she gets to the table she looks down at me and smiles softly.

"Rachel, you look lovely." She says softly.

I'm completely confused now, because she's looking at me like she genuinely likes me and she seems so very sincere.

"Thank you." I say softly, gesturing for her to sit.

She sits opposite me and smiles at me. "How are you?" She asks.

"Fairly well thank you, yourself?"

"Just fairly well?" She says with a small frown, she glances down at the table then, realising that I've ordered for us. Coffee, juice, bagels and muffins grace the table and I sit silently as she pours us both a coffee. I am just struggling so much to connect this woman to the girl I knew from high-school, it's making my head hurt.

"Yes, just fairly well." I say softly and her eyes snap up to mine, concern showing in them and I find myself having to break eye contact in case I give too much away.

"Oh" She says, before clearing her throat. "I'm sorry" She mutters under her breath.

"What for?" I ask with a frown of my own, surely she doesn't think that she has affected my mood.

"Everything." She says looking up at me, her eyes shining softly. "I was such a bitch to you Rach and you of all people didn't deserve it."

I never thought I'd see the day where Quinn would be apologising to me, I hoped that one day she might see the bigger picture and realise whilst what I did was uncharacteristically stupid on my part, I had just acted out of pure lust and got caught up in the moment. I hoped that she might feel some guilt for how she treated me afterwards, but I never imagined this.

"Thank you, you have no idea how nice it is to hear you say that." I say earnestly.

"I know it doesn't make up for it, but hopefully with us working together over the coming months you might learn to trust me again and we could maybe try to be friends."

"Wait, are you saying I got the part?" I say grabbing her hand across the table, trying to ignore the heat that flares under my palm from where it's connected with her skin.

"Ha, of course Rachel, you were brilliant, you blew me away." She says sincerely.

I grin and let out a little squeal as I jump up and down in my seat.

"I take it your happy?" She says softly smiling widely at me.

"You think?" I laugh as I wipe my head, feeling a little hot due to the humid august air and my excitement. I push my sleeves up and rest my chin on my hands as I continue. "Your script is amazing Quinn, I can't wait to play Sam, I don't know why but I see myself in her and I just think it's written so beautifully..." I trail off as I realise Quinn is still and silent across from me.

I look down at her and am surprised to see that she looks shocked, her mouth is hanging open and her eyes are wide.

"Quinn, what's wrong?" I ask reaching across to touch her hand again.

As I my hand gets closer to hers, she turns her palm upwards and softly holds my hand still, she stares into my eyes before she drops her gaze to my hand.

"Rach, who did this?" She asks softly, her fingers tracing the bruises and marks adorning my wrist.

I close my eyes and all I can think is _'oh shit, how can I get out of this'._

**AN Make my valentine's and review please xx**


	5. Trust

**AN Thank you so much for your reviews for the last chapter – A reviewer mentioned that they feel like the dialogue is unrealistic and would not be what Americans say, I hope this hasn't hindered too many people's enjoyment of the story. I want this to be as believable as possible so if any American Beta's would like to help me out please pop me a review or a PM.**

**Hope you all enjoy this chapter regardless and please continue to review :-) xx**

**Disclaimer : Glee still isn't mine :-( xx**

**Quinn**

I try to keep Rachel's hand in mine as I wait for her to answer me, but she snatches it from me like my touch burns her. She stares at her wrist like she's never seen the marks adorning it before. Whoever grabbed her wrist, grabbed it fucking hard because the bruises stand out sharply even against her deliciously tan skin and the half-moon nail marks are an angry shade of red that looks like blood is threatening to break the surface.

"Rach." I say softly going to touch her arm again and I don't like one little bit how she wrenches herself away from me like I've struck her, her eyes wide with fear. "I won't hurt you." I say softly.

She shakes her head and snorts at me. "You must have changed in that case Quinn, the old you would have been all about hurting me." She curls her lip up at me in disgust and I know that right now she needs to blame someone and I know I totally deserve it to be me.

"I have changed but you are right I took pleasure in hurting you." I shake my head slowly, I'm still so disappointed with the person I used to be.

"Why? I understand that you did not appreciate me kissing you but you could have told me that and I would have never pursued you, we could have continued to have a friendship." She's looking at me like I'm the worlds most complicated puzzle and I guess she's right, but I'm much easier to put together now.

"Rachel...when you kissed me, so soon after my break up with Sam, my feelings were already so jumbled up in my mind. Your kiss it was like setting off a chain reaction in me." I swallow thickly before continuing. "It scared me half to death, I felt more in that one small kiss than I ever had with any other boy, but you were a girl and you were Rachel Berry and I was just getting my popularity back. I did the only thing I knew how to do, I lashed out. I knew the perfect target for my anger, the person who had caused all of those jumbled up feelings to get worse." I take a deep breath. "Don't you see Rach, it wasn't that I didn't want you to kiss me, it was because I never wanted you to stop and I just could not have that."

"W-w-wait, you liked me?" She looks dumbfounded just as I knew she would, who could blame her.

"Yes, but I fought it so hard against that I didn't just go into the closet, I shut the door, locked it and swallowed the key. It was never about you but it was all about you if that any sense. I am truly sorry for how I treated you, but we were friends once and I would like to get back to that if you think you would be able to handle that?" I ask, I mean there is no reason to break down and tell her I've been in love with her from the moment her lips touched mine and I've thought of nothing but her since. There's no reason to scare her off so soon.

"Yes, I would very much like that. So, just so I'm completely clear, you are gay yes?"

I chuckle softly, before frowning again when I see how she is holding her wrist tenderly in her hand, almost cradling it in her petite hands. "Yes I am, it took me a long time to admit it but leaving Lima and staying in a dorm room with San certainly helped open my mind." I say with a small shrug of my shoulders. "Now, as we are now friends, can you tell me who's responsible for this?" I trace a finger over her wrist glad that she doesn't pull away this time.

"It's nothing really. I mean, it's obviously something but, it was just a terrible run-in I had with a fan on my way here. It happens sometimes, when they get a little too close, she got over-excited." She continues to look at her wrist and I see her swallow thickly, taking her bottom lip between her teeth.

I don't believe her, I can just feel it, deep inside. She's lying to me, she won't look me in the eyes, a trait I know she holds above all else – _to be able to look another person in the eyes as you speak to them, lets them know that you mean what you are saying as they can see it in your eyes_ – she once told me and that is why she will not look me in the eyes. She knows I will know as soon as I look into those big pools of brown, everything she doesn't want me to know will be there. I know I can't push this though, she needs to trust me and the only way to do that is to show her she can and when she's ready to open up I'll be there for her.

"Can I look?" I say gently and watch as she deliberates with herself and I know she's wondering if I'll be able to find anything out just by looking at it. She quickly comes to a conclusion as she hands over her wrist for my inspections.

I take it gingerly in my hands again and inspect it, turning it over, touching my fingers to it gently. Tracing the marks and the raised half moons, wincing as she does. I feel her shiver and I glance up to look in her face. Her eyes are fluttering closed and she is breathing deeply, her plump lips parted slightly. She looks so beautiful I feel my breath catch in my throat and Rachel's eyes snap open and connect with mine. I am totally busted, but I don't, no I can't take my eyes away from hers now. I am vaguely aware I've intertwined my fingers with hers. The air between us is electric as we continue to lock eyes, something is here between us and I know she can feel it too, but she pulls her eyes away from mine first, before carefully extracting her fingers and clearing her throat.

"Should we, perhaps, move on to discussing the play?" She asks as she smooths her hands over her top, straightening out imaginary wrinkles as she once again avoids my eyes.

"Of course." I say trying to get my mind focussed again, I can't even remember writing a play right now, I can still feel the warmth in my hand from where Rachel's had been.

The rest of the morning is spent talking about the details of the play, explaining to her that I had yet to cast most of the roles as I had been focussing on the mainly on the role of Sam. I even invited her to be present during the remaining auditions, which she was more than slightly enthusiastic about. I could see that running through her head is the fact that she can pick and choose who will perform with her. Whilst I'll take her expertise seriously, this is very much my play and the final decisions will be mine. I don't break that to her now though, I'm just happy she finally seems to be relaxing in my presence.

As I start to explain how I had come to write a play in the first place, my cell starts to ring and I throw an apologetic look in her direction before picking it up and groaning when I see the name on the display.

"It's Santana, I told her I was meeting up with you this morning and Brit wanted to come, I have a feeling that she's been bugging San about it all morning." I say with a light chuckle, I know how persuasive the bubbly blonde can be.

"It's fine for them to come down and join us, I'd like to see Brittany again, I've really missed her."

I grin as I think that I'm sure her missing Brittany does not extend to missing Santana too, she was just as horrible to Rachel in high-school, but the difference is Santana would never apologise for her behaviour, seeing it as a sign of weakness.

(–)

We hear Brittany before we see her as she squeals from outside the window and waves at us through the glass as Santana trails behind her with a small shake of her head and bored expression on her face.

"Rachy!" Brittany says as a blur of blonde passes me and throws herself into the small diva's arms. Rachel staggers but manages not to fall as she hugs Brittany back just as hard.

"Fuck yeah, food." Santana says as she slides into an empty seat and grabs a muffin and a glass of juice as a way of greeting.

"Say hello to Rach." Brittany says frowning at her girlfriend. I watch as Santana goes through her usual motions when Brit tells her to do something, she rolls her eyes, sighs loudly, crosses her arms and then ultimately her face softens and she does as she's told.

"Berry" She says with a nod and a small smile.

I grow slightly irritated as she rakes her eyes over Rachel's body in a predatory manner, wetting her lips slowly.

"Lookin' good Berry, isn't she Brit?" My friend says as she pulls a giggling Brittany backwards and down into her lap.

I see Rachel look around to see if we've caught any-ones attention but most people are too caught up in their own lives to take notice of my two crazy friends.

"Mmm yeah Sanny she looks just as yummy as she did the other day." Brittany sing songs as she also eyes Rachel with a small smirk.

I kick Santana's leg under the table and glare at her when she flinches and turns to yell at me. She smirks when she realises that I'm jealous.

"So Berry, you and Q been getting reacquainted?"

I watch as Rachel pulls herself up straighter under Santana's eyes and juts her chin out defiantly, ah, there's the diva I remember so well.

"Yes actually Santana. We have moved on and are forging ahead with a friendship, she has apologised and I have a very forgiving nature." She finishes with a small nod of her head.

Santana smiles her evil smile as she looks back and forth between myself and Rachel. "So, you apologised to Berry? For what?"

Before Rachel can speak Brittany jumps in. "For being mean to her Sanny, I'm sorry too Rachy. I never did anything to you, but I let it happen, that makes me feel real sad, I should have been a better friend." Brittany pouts and Rachel smiles widely at her before patting her softly on the arm to let her know she's forgiven.

"It's ok Brittany, it was a long time ago."

"Some wounds never heal." Brittany says sombrely and my eyes snap towards her as does Santana's. "What? I watch Oprah." She says with a shrug. "Oh, oh, I have an idea." She says jumping up and down on Santana's knee. "Sanny, you should say sorry too. Me and Q have and you were awful to Rachel too"

Once again, I watch Santana struggle before finally relenting with a roll of her eyes. "Sorry and shit ok?"

Rachel stares at Santana open-mouthed before finally small shakes start to take over her body, before she finally dissolves into fits of giggles, I couldn't help but join in and I knew without looking that Brittany would be laughing too, I also know that Santana will be scowling.

"Sorry." She says between laughs. "I never thought I'd see this, not the apology, but you are totally whipped." Rachel says still laughing.

Santana doesn't snap as I expect, she simply shrugs and holds Brittany closer, her fingers clutching the blondes thighs tightly, in a possesive way. She's perfectly happy being whipped, she spent too long running from her feelings and nearly losing Brittany because of her pig-headedness.

**Santana**

Rachel excuses herself when her phone starts vibrating across the table top, she heads towards the rest-rooms and I jump up seconds later.

"I just want to check with Berry and see if she's managed to get us on the guest-list to Aspire yet." I say with a wink.

I get closer to the rest-rooms when I hear Berry on her phone, I see her lean against the wall and let her head drop back against it heavily.

"I cannot deal with this, not on top of everything else that's happened today." Rachel says sounding completely exhausted.

"I need some time and space" She continues.

"No, this has nothing to do with her and you know it. You need help and I do not know if I am strong enough to help you again. I thought we had gotten through this." Rachel reaches up to pinch the bridge of her nose and I see a dark bruise on her wrist and I frown, a bad feeling settling in the pit of my stomach. I have caused my fair amount of bruises over the years so I know, even from this distance, that the bruises are a result of someone grabbing her wrist and applying a lot of pressure, maybe more than once.

What the hell is going on with Berry, who the fuck is she talking to and who the hell gave her that bruise.

**AN Santana will be on the case next chapter and there will be some more Faberry interaction too xx**


	6. You feel this don't you

**AN I've been sooo busy with work I haven't been able to update before now. It's my longest chapter yet and I really hope it's worth the wait.**

**Please, please keep reviewing ;-)**

**Also, I'm still looking for a beta if anyone can help :-)**

**Disclaimer – Glee still has nothing to do with me, I'm merely borrowing it's characters for a little while :-) xx**

"So Q, when will we be seeing Berry again?" Santana asks me.

Something has been going on with Santana for the past couple of days, ever since meeting up with Rachel she has been asking about her constantly. The way she had been flirting with Rachel I had been starting to think she was generally interested in the diva, but this was something different, she seemed...concerned and Santana does not do concern.

"Why? What's up with you San, this is like the fifth time you've asked about her."

"Fuck Q, I'm just being nice, I'm either getting beat on because I'm mean or because I'm too fucking nice." She throws her hair over her shoulder and gets up from our couch with a loud sigh.

I roll my eyes as she makes her way to the desk and perches herself on the edge of it, she surreptitiously starts looking through the head-shots I've received from various auditions, she knows that on the back of the head-shots are the contact details for the actors so I know what she's doing.

"Are you looking for this?" I say, holding Rachel's head-shot in the air and shake my head in bemusement as Santana jumps from the desk and lunges for it. I pull it back at the last minute and Santana growls and lunges for it again only for her to scream out in frustration when I move it again. "Why do you want it?" I push Santana away quite easily, moving the picture further away from her grasp.

"Fuck Q, give me it, I'll explain it later, c'mon bitch hand it over?" She's clearly done with my little game and she's clearly not going to tell me why she wants Rachels contact details.

"Promise me you're not going to do anything horrible?" I ask uncertainly, I know deep down that Santana has changed since high-school but I also know that the old Santana still makes an appearance every now and again and I don't want her causing problems with Rachel when I'm trying so hard to win her over.

"I am going to pretend real hard you did not just say that to me Q, hand the fucking picture over now?" She says, her eyes telling me everything I need to know, It's hurt her feelings that after all this time I still think so little of her.

I feel ashamed and look away from her guiltily as I hand over the picture, she snatches it from my hand and moves towards the door to our apartment.

"Quinn, I get that you've changed and that you're just protecting Berry but your not the only one who's changed since high-school, it would be nice if you could remember that and not think so fucking little of me." With that she's gone and all thoughts of why she needed the head-shot fly from my mind as I try to think how I can make it up to her.

_**Santana**_

I have no fucking clue why I'm doing this, I must be straight up crazy. I look at the address details on the back of the head-shot and then up at the apartment building I'm outside of now. I just hope this is Rachel's place and not the address for her agent.

I need to talk to the little diva and find out what's going on with her, throughout the rest of the brunch a few days ago she refused to meet anyone's eyes and subconsciously kept fiddling with the sleeves of her sweater. Her phone had rang a few more times over the remainder of the time she was with us, but each time she ignored it, before eventually turning it off with an apologetic glance in our direction. But, the main thing that got me, was the look on her face when her phone rang, she looked sick and tired but above all else she had a look of fear in her eyes that she couldn't hide even with all of her years experience in acting, fear and love are two of the hardest emotions to hide, especially if you're as expressive as Rachel is.

It's a testament to how expensive it must be to live here when I have to flirt with the doorman to get past the fact that I don't have the code to get into the building, now usually all it takes is a little purr of my voice, flick of my hair and wetting of my lips and doors are flung open for me. This doorman seems unimpressed so I have to pull out all of my charms, including practically agreeing to give him my first born child, but finally I'm in and I already like this apartment building, it just screams class and money. Each surface is marble and gold, the large lobby, with its marble floors and walls is impressive and daunting. The lifts are thickly carpeted, with little golden numbers and the names of the people living on each floor engraved next to them. I trace my fingertip over Berry's name, noting the new addition of her girlfriends name after hers.

When the lift opens, it opens into a small hallway which has a surveillance camera following my every step as I get closer to the large bright red door. It stands out from the cream of the marble and gold accents everywhere and I have a feeling that this is Berry's little touch of individuality, her way of expressing herself in what is otherwise a uniform building with very little colour and personality.

I don't even need to knock on the door before it's pulled open sharply and I'm left face to face with a scarily stunning woman who must be Berry's girlfriend.

She narrows her strange grey eyes as her gaze drifts over my body, she looks almost dismissive of me, and what the fuck, does she not know who the fuck she is looking at? She stands with her hands on her hips and waits for me to speak. Now, I know I don't know anything about her, other than what I've read about her, but I know that although she is stunning there is something about her that I don't like. My Brit is good at reading people and once told me that you can know the kind of person someone is just by spending a minute in their company, it's in the air around them and you should know whether you like them or not instantly. Well, my girls never wrong and right now I know I don't like this woman, this Katherine Davies.

"Can I help?" She finally asks with a bored sounding tone to her voice that reminds me of my voice at times. "How did you get in here without the code." She adds, now a suspicious tone in her voice.

"I'm just looking for Ber...I mean Rachel, is she in?" I ask with a sweet smile, I know she's not here. I know she's at the theatre with Quinn, I know immediately that she knows I'm lying too, it's in the slight narrowing of her eyes.

"She's at a meeting with her agent, who are you again?" She asks, arching her eyebrow at me.

"Oh, my name's Brittany, I'm a friend of Rachel's from high-school." She doesn't believe me again, I can see it on her face so I'm confused when she smiles and moves to one side, motioning for me to enter the apartment.

"Ah, I've heard so much about you Brittany, come in. I'm sure Rachel won't be long."

As soon as I enter the apartment I notice that Katherine has been busy, the table is set for a romantic meal for two, candlelight flickering around the main living area. The main living area is a huge open space, with a large seating area around the biggest flat screen television I've ever seen. Behind one of the large couch's is a dining area with a glass table and leather seats, which is currently adorned with rose petals and candles, expensive champagne and crystal champagne flutes. This is either an anniversary, celebration or an apology and I can guess which one it is.

"I must admit Brittany, you're nothing at all like Rach described." Her voice brings me out of my musing and the first thought that goes through my head is 'oh shit' of course Berry would describe everything about the few friends she had.

I lower myself on the cream coloured couch and smirk up at Katherine with a shrug of my shoulders. "Busted" I say and I see a flash of something dangerous in her eyes as she glares at me.

"No offence, but who the fuck are you?"

"Santana Lopez and the pleasures all mine." I say sweetly, narrowing my eyes.

"So your Santana" She says with a slight snarl to her voice.

"Ah so my reputation proceeds me." I reply with a cocky tone to my voice, I know I should be more polite, but I don't like this woman and I know her type, fuck, I used to be her. All anger and fury simmering just below the surface ready to rear it's ugly head at a moments notice.

"If that's the kind of reputation your proud of, that tells me anything I need to know about you Ms Lopez, now can you please explain why you're in my apartment."

"Rachel's been ignoring my calls and I wanted to see if she was ok after the other day." I enjoyed the look of surprise on her face as I said that, I knew that whilst Berry may have told her that she had met up with Quinn, she won't have told her that me and Brits were there.

"She's fine." Is practically spat at me, I can see that anger now, it's seeping out of her, turning the stunning creature who opened the door into something twisted and monster-like.

"Well, I'd like to see for myself, that was one nasty bruise she had." I say and watch her closely to see how she reacts and I'm not disappointed. Her eyes widen and she diverts her gaze from mine, her fists clenching at her sides as a guilty blush takes over her face. I fucking knew it as soon as she opened the door, that she was capable of it. I'll be the first to admit Berry's not my favourite person and I did my fair share of making her life hell, but it stopped at slushying and name calling. I would never have raised my hands to her, not then and definitely not now, that shit does not fly with me.

"Is there something you'd like to say?" She says as her glare returns to my face.

I'm all up in her business before she even has time to think, I push her up against the wall and press my arm into her throat. She must be fucked up if she thinks she can speak to me like that.

"Do not speak to me like I'm nothing, I'm fucking something bitch!" I growl into her face, enjoying it as she turns her head from me and struggles to remove my arm from her throat. "What? You don't like it rough girl, I thought this shit is like foreplay to you" I hiss as I press my face into hers, so she can feel as well as hear my words. "I know what you are." I push my arm into her throat a little harder.

"You don't know what's going on here, you have no right to treat me like this." She whines as she continues to struggle and fuck me she is strong, a part of me wonders if she's right, what if I've read this situation all wrong. Those thoughts fly from my mind as one of her free hands reach up and wrap around my wrist, her fingers curling around the tan skin and press in, I feel her nails dig in to the skin. I flash my eyes to hers and see the triumph there, I have her by the throat but she's showing me she knows that no matter what I do she did this to Rachel and Rachel's still around, she's not going anywhere. She's like Jekyll and Hyde.

I hesitate for just a second as I look into her eyes, her twisted soul coming out to play, that hesitation is all she needs and before I know it she's dragging me to the entrance hallway by my hair, and all I can think of is how the hell I am going to get Berry away from this fucking monster before she destroys her.

_**Rachel**_

I lied to my girlfriends face to be with Quinn, but I've never cared less in my life. I knew we didn't need to talk about anything new until she had arranged more auditions but I accepted her invitation to meet in the theatre anyway.

She has been showing me how she wants to do the lay-out of the stage and how we will move seamlessly between scenes, she's so beautiful when she's passionate, she always was. Her face lights up and she has a glow beneath the surface of her skin that seems to radiate from her and light up the whole stage, her hazel eyes darkening and her smile growing as she steadily gets more excited about her creation finally coming to life.

"I'm so proud of you." I say softly in the middle of her describing one scene to me and she stops as if someone has hit pause, she turns to me a small smile playing at the corner of her mouth as she tilts her head in my direction.

"Thank you Rach, that means the world to me, especially from you." She says softly and steps towards me. The look in her eyes has me feeling uncomfortable now, it's like my words have altered the atmosphere around us.

I have a girlfriend, I try running that thought through my brain on a loop, but the closer she gets to me the quieter it gets until I can barely think of anything but the look on Quinn's face and the way the lights bounce from her golden strands, making her hair almost sparkle around her face. I swallow thickly and I know I'm in trouble when, as she stops in front of me, I make no effort to move away but lean in as she reaches up to caress my cheek with her creamy hand.

"You feel this don't you." Quinn says softly, her eyes searching mine for an answer I don't know if I can give her.

"Qui..." I try softly as she steps even closer to me and lets her fingertips trace down my cheek and over my jaw, curling under my chin and drawing my face up to hers.

"Tell me you don't Rachel, please make me stop." She pleads with me, I know she wants to kiss me but she knows how complicated things could get between us so she wants me to stop this, whatever this is that's simmering between us.

I let me tongue sneak out my mouth to moisten my lips and watch as her eyes drop to them, her pupils growing wide and her breath catching in her throat. That's her big mistake, thinking I'm strong enough to stop whatever this is when all I want is to feel her lips on mine.

"I can't Quinn, I feel it too." I say softly, almost a whisper into the silent theatre, my eyes wide and focused on her eyes as they flutter closed and she takes a deep breath before closing the small gap between us.

I close my eyes just as her lips press softly against mine, I can't help the gasp that escapes my lips as hers start to move against mine, her hand curls around the back of my neck and brings my face closer as our lips start to move together. I hear a gasp similar to mine come from her when I swipe my tongue across her lower lip.

"Fuccckkk." She breathes out and finally, tentatively touches her tongue to mine.

This is it, I think, this is what has always been missing with everyone else. This feeling of complete passion and lust mixed with a feeling of being whole for the first time ever, she sets a trail of fire scorching across my skin as she runs her hand up my arm slowly. My knees feel weak as I tangle my fingers in her hair, grabbing a fistful and dragging her lips back to mine when she pulls away for a quick breath. The sweetness of the kiss has been replaced by something much more raw and passionate and I feel myself getting lost in Quinn, in the unique taste of her lips and the slight hint of spice I can smell on her skin.

I feel her hand make it's way over my torso, her fingertips playing with the hem of my top before sneaking beneath the material. I arch my back and hiss when her fingers touch my stomach, the fire so much intense than when she touched my arm. I feel her smirk against my lips as she runs her fingers around the curve of my hip and presses her lips harder against mine.

All my thoughts are on her so it takes me by surprise when I get my hand tangled in her hair and go to pull it away and the motion jerks my wrist. The pain that shoots through my wrist causes my whole body to shudder and I jerk myself away from Quinn as Katie's face flashes through my head. My breath is coming in short bursts as I attempt to calm the blood surging through my body at an alarming rate, a kiss from Quinn has me more breathless than any orgasm I've ever had with anyone else.

"Rach..." She says in between pants of breath as she goes to step towards me. As disgusted as I am with myself right now, I can't help but be quite pleased that I seem to have the same effect on her as she does on me.

"Don't!" I say firmly holding my arm out in front of myself. I can't believe I've done this, I hate myself for being so weak. I have a girlfriend and although Katie isn't perfect I know she loves me and she wants to change so badly I can't do this to her. I can't be a cheater and above all else I can't let Quinn get close to me again and risk the hurt that I went through before.

"Please Rach." She pleads, her eyes are shimmering slightly as she reaches out to me.

"Quinn, I cannot do this, I'm not in high-school any-more and I am not trying to push boundaries and make Finn jealous. I am an adult and in an adult relationship, I can't do this to her." I reason.

Quinn snorts and shakes her head disgustingly, "What about what she does to you?" She says in the softest voice I've ever heard, her eyes drop to my wrist and I grab it protectively, hoping to shield it from her accusing stare, this is the second closest I've ever got to someone finding out what Katie is like. The first was a Dr in L.A. After a particularly nasty fight ended up with me in hospital with three cracked ribs and a burst lip, it had been unfortunate he had been the same Dr who had seen to me twice before. I bluffed my way out of a difficult situation when he had proof so I could bluff myself out of this now.

"I am sure that I have no clue as to what you are getting at Quinn, Katie is perfect and she treats me like a princess." I stand my ground and straighten my shoulders as I glare at Quinn who simply shakes her head slowly before turning away from me. I feel my heart rattle in my chest slightly as she does so, it's as if she's too disgusted to look at me. She knows, she knows I'm lying but I've said it now and I can't take it back now, not without exposing how weak I've become.

"I hope this does not affect our budding friendship Quinn." I say softly and I try not to break as her eyes flash up to mine, the hurt in them evident.

She shakes her head again, "No, no it won't Rach, I'm sorry I kissed you, what I did was completely unprofessional and it won't happen again." It's the sureness which she says the last part that hurts the most. She's telling me she won't allow it to happen again, she's closing down and I know I should stop it, but if I do I won't ever walk away from her.

I nod slowly, never taking my eyes from hers as I reach to the ground and pick my purse up, my eyes are still locked on hers as I make my way to the exit. She stands under the glare of the light, her broken eyes pleading with me to stay as I shake my head once and try to stop the tears threatening as I look away and leave her standing there, alone on the stage.

I take my time returning to the apartment, unwilling to return to a Katie I don't know if I'll recognise. I hate this feeling and not for the first time I think about how to break away from Katie, if it would ever be possible to break this hold she has on me. Every time though, I think about how much it would hurt her and how much I owe her, she picked me up when I was at my lowest and taught me to believe in myself again and I don't think she ever means to do what she does, not truly.

I push open the door to the apartment and I'm invaded by the beautiful aroma of Katie's cooking, she's so talented in the kitchen I joke she should have been a chef, but as I turn into the living area my heart sinks. The candles on the tables are burnt down, barely flickering with what's left of the wax. There's an empty bottle of champagne bottle on it's side on the table top and a half eaten plate of food next to it.

"Kay, baby." I say hesitantly as I take my shoes off and place them by the couch as I head towards the bedroom. I push open the door and instantly my heart rate picks up, Katie is standing by the bedside table in small black lingerie, almost sheer and leaving nothing to the imagination. She looks stunning but it's the look in her eyes that is causing my heart rate to triple it's rhythm, thumping against my chest. She's furious, her eyes narrowed in my direction as she surveys me. "I'm sorry I'm late baby, if I'd known you were cooking I would have been home hours ago." I lie, because I don't think I would change a second of my time with Quinn, especially when I know what is coming my way.

"Like I give a fuck about the meal." She hisses, those grey eyes flashing at me.

"You had a visitor today," She says in a calm and controlled voice a few seconds later, at her tone my hear rate picks up again, it's worse when she reaches this level of calm, she's more calculated in her cruelty.

She steps towards me and I notice a mark on her throat, she laughs quietly and the sound sends a chill down my spine.

"Ah so you've noticed my war wound, I met another of your high-school tormentors baby, a hot little latina, Santana, you may remember her?"

I nod my head, I'm not capable of much more right now. I have no idea why Santana would come here, how she knew where I lived or how Katie ended up with that mark.

"But, I don't need to remind you who she was, since you saw her the other fucking day." Her voice is still creepily steady and calm as she gets even closer to me. "She got me by the throat and said she knows what I am, like I'm some sort of animal." She scoffs and shakes her head, her eyes look wild and unfocussed.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry." I stutter out, looking down at the floor, hoping that whatever she has in store for me is over quickly.

"You don't need to apologise for that babe, you didn't ask her to come here and I know if you simply explain to her that I've never laid a finger on you everything will be just fine."

I nod my head quickly, eager to please her and hopefully calm her mood.

"No you don't need to apologise for that," She is in front of me now as her hand reaches up and grabs my chin, forcing my eyes up to hers. Her gaze drifts to my lips and her nostrils flare as she growls and moves her hand to my hair, grabbing a handful and tugging on it roughly until I'm in front of the mirror full-length mirror on the cupboard door, she pushes my face up against the glass angrily. I wince as her grip on my hair grows even tighter. "What you should be apologising is kissing someone else." She says quietly.

My breath catches in my throat and my eyes go wide as she pulls me from the mirror and pushes me onto the bed, climbing on top of me, straddling my waist and leaning down so her face is inches from mine.

"See baby, I know everything about you. I know how your eyes get when you've been crying, I know how you blush when your being complimented, I also know exactly how your lips look when you've just been kissed. All plump and and red, begging to be kissed again, did she baby, did she kiss you again?" She asks as she traces her fingers over my face, slowly circling my lips, her eyes never leaving mine.

I can't deny it, I know it will just infuriate her even more, "I'm sorry Katie, I'm so sorry." I sob out and I feel my breath catch as her fingers lower to my throat, slowly tracing her fingers over the skin, her nails dragging down as she presses into my neck slightly.

"Sorry? Are you?" She asks and she smiles into my face as both her hands now start stroking and scratching at my neck. "Hmmm, I don't think you are baby." Her eyes flash as I start to struggle, I want to get her off me, but she shows no signs of moving as she starts to press down harder on my neck, she holds my head in place as she leans down and presses a painful bruising kiss to my lips. "You will be though." She hisses as her fingers tighten around my neck and she smirks as my eyes widen and I start to struggle again, the panic rising in my chest as her grip on my neck tightens even more...

**Review please xx**


	7. I can't do this anymore

**AN I am loving you guys and all of your lovely feedback – can I be greedy and ask for more? (I guess I just have! Oh well (-; )**

**I know Rachel seems a little OOC but I hope this chapter explains a little bit about why she is the way she is.**

**Disclaimer - I own nothing and all that jazz :-) xx**

_**Quinn **_

"Fuckin bitch, who the fuck she thinks she is!"

I look up as Santana storms into our apartment looking thunderous, her hair messed up and her eyes blazing.

"Brits, Brits, where are you?" She screams at the top of her voice as she storms through to the living area.

"She's still at the community centre San, what's up?" I ask frowning, some-one has clearly pissed her off and usually I would say she had done something to cause this, but as I look at her I see that her hands are shaking slightly and her eyes, whilst they are full of fury, they are also full of concern.

"What's up? What's fucking up? Katherine Davies is what up Q, that fucked up bitch is straight up crazy!" She fumes. "Now I'm pissed and I deal with it two ways, one I get all aggressive and break some shit, or I fuck Brits senseless. I know which one I would prefer." She throws herself on the couch next to me and lays her head on my shoulder, the anger seeming to rush out of her.

My eyes widen at Santana's outburst and then her laying her head on me, other than with Brittany she is not really all about being affectionate or touchy feely with anyone.

"Who's Katherine Davies?" I ask softly.

"Katie, you know Berry's worse half." She growls out.

I stiffen at that, how the hell has Santana seen Katie and what has happened between them. Just thinking about that bitch has my skin crawling and my fingers twitching, when I remember the bruise on Rachel's wrist it still makes me sick to my stomach, I just know it was her, well I do not know, but I am convinced it is.

"How did you see her San?"

"I went to Berry's you know to check on her..." She trails off as she pulls away from me, looking guiltily down at her clasped hands.

"Fuck San, I thought you would call her with the information on her head-shot not go to her apartment! What were you thinking of? You could get Rachel in to trouble"

Her head shoots up and she looks at me with wide eyes, "You know? Don't you? Did you see the bruise too?" She looks relieved to have someone to talk to about it and if I am honest I'm relieved too.

"When did you see it?" I ask softly.

"When we met up with you in the restaurant that morning. I saw her on the phone talking to someone and when she put her hand on her head I saw the bruises, I was suspicious straight away because she sounded close to whoever she was on the cell with, but I just sensed that she was scared. The rest of the morning she kept pulling the sleeves of her sweater down over her wrists. She was ashamed of it Q and you wouldn't be ashamed of it if it had been an accident or if it could be explained away. I knew then that it was someone she knew, so I thought I'd see what her girlfriend was like. See, when Berry told me who she was dating I tried to act all surprised, but the thing is, I had already read it. There were some things in the tabloids last year about the two of them being seen rowing and Katie being a little rough with Berry. I'd totally forgotten about it because shortly afterwards they were pictured all lovey dovey and shit and well it was Berry." She shrugs unapologetically.

"I never read anything like that," I say frowning.

"Ah come on Q, you stopped reading anything with those two in as soon as you realised she was with someone who wasn't you." Santana reminds me gently.

"What happened when you went to Rachel's place then?" I say swiftly changing the subject.

"Before I get to the serious shit, I just have to say that Rachel's place? Fucking amazing, that girl has made some serious dollars." I see a flash of jealousy in her eyes as she looks around our small apartment before focussing back on me. "Anyway, I had to flirt my behind off to get in there and when I did her psycho girlfriend welcomed me with not so open arms, I can not explain how much I did not like her Q, she hadn't said anything and I didn't know for definite that she had done anything but I just got this vibe off her."

"Is she as beautiful as she looks in those magazines?" I ask softly, I'm my own worst nightmare because I know she's pretty, I can still remember seeing the pictures of them in a magazine when I was walking past a news stand. They had both looked stunning and I remembered thinking that Rachel was supposed to end up with someone that stunning, who looked at her like she was the world, but now I can't help but be filled with rage at what is behind that beauty.

"More, she has these weird as shit eyes that are just fucking breathtaking, but you know, when I had her by the throat all I could think was how fucking ugly a person she is."

I stare at Santana in shock, surely I have to have heard that wrong, she had Rachel's girlfriend by the throat.

"Don't look like that Q, she was speaking to me like shit and when I had her by the throat she grabbed my wrist and squeezed and all I could think of was fucking Berry's wrist. Berry's fucking tiny Q and that bitch has the grip of a trucker. Don't you dare fucking tell anyone this but I'm scared as shit for her, she had a look in her eyes that scared even me."

I am scared for Rachel now too. Santana does not feel threatened by very many people, in fact I don't know if I've ever seen her feel threatened before.

"I kissed her." I say suddenly. I had not meant to say anything to anyone especially not Santana, but I just can not hold it in any-more.

"Berry? And?"

"And she kissed me back, but then she told me she couldn't let herself do it again, that she owed something to Katie."

"She owes fuck all to that crazy bitch, we need to get Berry the fuck away from her and we need to do it soon."

I nod silently, she's right, but it's clear that Rachel is not ready to talk about what is going on with her right now.

"We need a plan." I say decisively. "I've just got her back in my life San, I can't lose her again and definitely not to that bitch."

_**Rachel**_

I look into the mirror on my vanity and shake my head as I dab more concealer onto the sensitive skin on my neck, letting out a low hiss as I press down on a bruise too hard. My gaze drifts from the bruises up to my face, I stare into my own reflection frowning at what I see. I don't recognise this broken person staring back at me.

I never used to be like this, after myself and Finn decided we were better as friends I had slowly tried to rebuild myself, my independence and self-belief coming back to me. I was excelling in glee once more, I was no longer being bullied or insulted and even better than that I had friends to enjoy my new life with. Then I kissed Quinn and my life spun around once again, I was once again the subject of ridicule, the target for the slushies and the name calling, glee became a chore rather than my escape and the worst of it all was the way Quinn looked at me, she always had such a look of disgust on her face whenever she would glance my way. When Quinn had first pushed me away and the name calling had started again I had hoped with all of my heart that the day would come around when she would eventually see that we could move forward and be friends again, but that day never came and as much as I tried I couldn't stop my heart from aching for her.

I will sometimes catch myself looking at Katie and just will my heart to love her more, that maybe if I could do that then she would finally be happy and we could just be. But no matter what I do it's never enough, it never has been, I can't will my heart to love her when it still loves someone else. I also know I can't keep making excuses for what she does to me, it's not her way of showing love and it's not an issue with alcohol. It is control, she hurts me when she feels as if she is losing control, when she feels threatened or thinks I am paying less attention to her than I should do.

It was over nine months ago when I finally lost it, told her I couldn't put up with it any-more. I told her I was scared of her and I couldn't live like that, I was Rachel Barbara Berry I was not a victim and I left her. We were apart for weeks, she begged and she pleaded, she cried and she sent me gifts and told me she would change. When she showed up at my door with two dozen roses and an appointment card with a therapist, I finally let her back in, slowly started to trust her again and we had been really good recently. But now, after last night I was genuinely more afraid of her than ever before. Her fingers had pressed into my neck with such purpose, the smirk never leaving her face as she felt me struggling beneath her. She had finally released her hold on my neck, then she had pressed her lips to mine, painfully bruising her lips to mine. I didn't kiss back, I just took the punishment she dished out, wincing as she nipped the insides of my lips until they bled. In that moment, as she looked down at me without a hint of remorse in her eyes and a little of my blood smudged on her lips, I felt sick to my stomach, that I ever let her touch me, let her do this to me. I don't know myself any-more and I hate that, I hate that I am part of the problem.

I was so low when I met Katie, I had been rejected for so many parts I was beginning to think it was pointless having a dream, I knew I was gay but I was still struggling to understand what that meant, how that changed me as a person or even if it needed to change me at all. I had no money and the place I had been staying in I could no longer afford. My life was so low that I was missing Lima, I was missing the mundane life I had there, but I could not return home, not to where Quinn would be. I met Katie and she changed my life, she picked me up from the ground and dusted me off, told me I was beautiful and that I could get any part I wanted and within three weeks she was right, I had my dream part and everything in my life started looking up.

I was so sure I had met my dream girl I pushed every doubt I had about her out of my head. When she was controlling and slightly possessive and picked arguments for no reason I just convinced myself that she loved me so much it made her crazy. We argued and she would be so aggressive and forceful that I would worry but then she would be so kind and loving that I began to think I was imagining it.

"Baby, come back to bed."

Her voice drifts over to me and I shudder, the thought of having her hands on me makes me feel sick to my stomach.

"No." I say softly, applying more concealer on to my neck, as I move my head and try to make sure every mark is covered.

"Aw come on baby don't be like that," She sighs and sits up in bed, stretching slightly before blinking lazily in my direction. "I'm sorry, there? Is that what you want to hear? I may have over-reacted a little but it really is your fault."

I shake my head slightly as I stare at her, I actually can not believe her. Are the days of her begging me to forgive her and telling me she'll change over, to be replaced by blaming me and taking no responsibility for her actions.

"This was not my fault." I spit out angrily, "I don not want an apology from you Katie, in fact I don't want anything from you."

"What" She says slowly her eyes widening at me, she slides out of from beneath the covers, looking feline-like as she slinks her way over to me. "Please baby, do not do this, you said you were going to help me get better that you would always be there for me." She stands behind me, her eyes glistening as she strokes her hands through my hair, before turning me around to face her. "I know I have a problem Rach, but you are supposed to be helping not kissing someone else, especially not her." She sounds so broken and I know I must have hurt her, but I hadn't planned on kissing Quinn, but I could not have stopped it, she is like a tornado causing everyone and everything to get caught up in her, just like they did in high-school.

"Katie, I can't help you, not like you need. I know I did something stupid but I pushed her away, I told her I couldn't do it to you."

"Did you tell her you loved me baby? Did you tell her that I'm the only one you've ever loved?" She ask moving down so her eyes are level with mine.

I sit in silence, not knowing how to respond. Of course I never told Quinn that, it would be a lie, I had loved before and I can't love Katie that way.

"You told me once that you loved me like no-one else Rach, has that changed?" Her voice has a steely edge to it and I'm so sore and so tired I can't fight with her again.

"No Katie, it hasn't changed. I do love you." I hope she doesn't notice that I don't make eye contact with her, or that my fingers are crossed as I say that I love her. I take a deep breath and look into the grey eyes I once thought I'd look into for the rest of my life. "But, I do not like you very much right now. What happened last night, that, it can't happen again. I was so scared Kay, I thought you were going to kill me."

"Baby, I am so sorry, you have to believe me. I react and I don't think and then your hurt and I feel so fucking ashamed of myself." She arranges herself so she is sitting in my lap, her legs wrapped around the back of me, her fingers caressing my face.

"I will say it again Kay, you need more help than I can give you. You need to see a new therapist and tell them what you did to me. I have to know your serious this time, I will come with you but at the first sign of violence I'm leaving." I fix my gaze on hers so she knows I'm serious.

She swallows thickly and nods insistently, a lone tear escaping as her head moves.

"I do not know what I ever did to deserve somebody as amazing as you Rach, I love you so fucking much that sometimes I feel like I can't breathe if your not with me." She say it with so much passion that once again I can't help feeling slightly guilty, even after everything she's done. "What about Quinn?" She asks, the venom in her voice unmistakeable.

"I have made it perfectly clear to Quinn that the only thing I am interested in with her is friendship." I say in a clipped tone. I move slightly and push Katie away from me a little, smiling as she frowns. "I have to get up Kay, I have to meet Quinn at the theatre."

Her eyes darken and she goes to speak, I raise my eyebrows and her mouth clamps shut, she takes a few deep breaths and re-opens her eyes. "So you are going to keep working with her?" She asks quietly, as if she cannot believe I would still work with her.

"Kay, I've signed on to do this play. I want to do it, it's written amazingly and I think it will get me noticed for more things than just theatre and if I start getting recognised more for different roles and for genuine acting, then I may start getting acting roles which could mean we could move to L.A. Eventually." I have no intention of ever moving to L.A. I would never fit in there and the lack of originality would kill my spirit, but this is how I calm Katie down and it's always the secret weapon I use when I want her to agree to something. I know it's a truly awful thing to do but I need to do this place and I need to be close to Quinn, I cannot lose her...as a friend.

Katie's eyes light up and she grins widely at me. "I never thought of that baby, when you show every-one that you can do more than just sing, they will be lining up with offers." She says excitedly.

She always speaks about my singing like this, like it is a silly little past time that I could not possibly be serious about. She is so sure that acting is what I need to do. Quinn's play has a very minimal amount of singing in it, but I knew that no matter where my career took me I would never completely leave signing behind. I had been writing songs since high-school and I had been toying with the idea of releasing them, but I knew the reaction I would get from Katie, so I always pushed the idea to the back of my mind.

"Yeah, hopefully." I say as I step past her and into my closet, I don't even have to think about choosing the right clothes to cover myself up, I automatically reach for a black sleeve-less polo-neck jumper, pulling on a pair of tight skinny leg jeans and pulling on a wide strapped watch on over my still bruised wrist. I finish off with my flip flops as I am going to be hot enough with jeans and a high necked jumped on and leave the closet.

"You look good baby." Katie says when I reach her in the kitchen, she is making me my favourite coffee, preparing to pour it in my cup that I can take with me to the theatre. I try not to flinch as she wraps her arms around me and brings our bodies flush against each other. "I will look around and make an appointment with a therapist today," She presses a kiss to my still sore lips and pull away from her quickly, bringing my hand up to the sensitive lips. "Oh god, I forgot. I am so sorry." She apologizes again and tries to put her arms around me again.

"Katie, don't please." I say wearily stepping past her and making my way out of the kitchen area.

She seems to get it and stays in the kitchen for a few minutes before coming to join me, a forced smile on her face and my coffee in her hands.

"I'll be at the club when you get back, do you want me to finish early?"

I can't stand the hopeful tone in her voice, I want to tell her yes but I can't, the thought of a night to myself seems so blissful I can't give it up.

"No, no, it will be fine, I will just be coming home to a bath and an early night. You haven't been in for a little while and you know how the whole place falls apart without you."

"Mmm ok baby, but call me if you need anything?"

I smile and nod, I double and triple check that I have everything before going to leave, I accept the kiss on the cheek she gives me and wave half heartedly as I head from the apartment. As soon as the door closes I lean back against it heavily and sigh shakily, my whole body is shaking. I am not meeting with Quinn for another hour but I just needed to get away from her. I just have to hope that therapy will get me to trust her again, because I cannot live my life constantly afraid of her snapping.

_**Quinn**_

I feel nervous as I approach Rachel, I felt guilty about kissing her yesterday but I cannot bring myself to regret it. She kissed me back, that must mean she feels something for me. She has made it clear that she just wants to be friends and I have to respect that, no matter how hard it will be to keep my distance, especially now I know about Katie. Just thinking her name makes the rage I have suppressed try to rear itself again. The fact that she has laid her hands on Rachel makes me want to kill her, but Santana is right, if we are ever going to get Rachel away from her we have to show her that she can rely on us.

"Hi Rach," I say softly as I reach her, frowning at her odd choice of outfit. We are just going to be discussing the set again before watching a few auditions but she looks smart and well overdressed for this weather, she must be so hot in the polo-neck. The sun is blaring down on the side-walk and all I could bring myself to wear was a light blue camisole and light, white skirt with flip flops.

"Quinn." She says with a nod of her head. It kills me to hear the formality in her voice as she squeezes past me when I open the door to the theatre to get inside. I notice how she breathes a sigh of relief as she enters the slighter cooler air of the theatre.

"Rach, what the heck are you wearing, you do know it's summer right?" I ask as she rolls her eyes and huffs out a breath.

"I am quite aware of what time of year it is Quinn, I always dress this way." She says avoiding eye contact.

She is lying to me and it's not just the fact she can't meet my eyes. I remember her audition, she was wearing a ridiculously short skirt, so short that I could nearly see up it, well I did try but I was just too far away. She had been wearing a beautiful green strappy top too with flip flops then too.

I sigh and slowly approach the tiny diva, I stop in front of her and she raises her eyes to mine. The sadness in them takes my breath away. I know I need to keep my distance and be a true friend to Rachel, but I cannot keep myself away from her. Especially not when she looks at me like this, like she wants me to save her.

I lift my hand up to touch her cheek and I freeze as she gasps and winces away from my hand. She quickly realises what she has done and blushes before looking down.

"Rach." I breathe out, slowly inching my hand towards her face, when it comes into contact with her face I hear her sigh out and feel her push her face into the palm of my hand. "What has she done to you?" I ask softly, tracing my fingers over her beautiful features. I feel my heart clench when she lets a shaky breath out and steps closer to me. I know I should stop this, this is going against everything that Santana told me to do, but it's Rachel and I've been in love with her for years. I cannot step away from the hold she has over me.

I lower my face to hers and she lets out a sigh, her lips part slightly and I frown. "Fuck" I hiss. The insides of her lips are all broken and look like they have been bleeding. I know I didn't do this to her. "She knew?" I question, this looks like revenge and I dread to think what she is covering up underneath the jumper.

Rachel closes her eyes and nods her head once, I'm surprised she is so ready to admit that Katie did this to her. I was worried she would deny it and push me away, but she does not seem to be about to move away any-time soon. I notice that her tiny body is shaking and wrap my arms around her, letting her sob into my shoulder.

"I can't do this any-more Quinn, I can't" The brokenness in her voice nearly kills me as she clings to me tighter, sobs racking her small body.

**AN 2 I really, really hope you all liked this, I really struggled with it, so I hope it flows right, thanks for reading :-) xx**


	8. Positive to my negative

**AN Ok so another huge thank you for the reviews and alerts for last chapter – I've also just discovered I can reply to reviews (I'm a little slow I know!) So I can reply to all you lovely people from now on. I still don't have a BETA so I hope any mistakes aren't too bad and if they are I'm truly sorry! :-)**

**Also, we're 8 chapters in and I've realised I have told you nothing about myself – so here we go – I'm from the North of England (all you need to know is that it's rarely sunny and nearly always raining ;-) ) I am a chef, I work in an Italian restaurant and love it, although it's long hours and very tiring it's what I want to do! I'm 23 and my name is Louise erm I've ran out of things to say ha – anything else anyone wants to know feel free to ask me.. :-)**

**Disclaimer – I have begged and pleaded but owning Glee still escapes me ha :-) xx**

_**Santana**_

So it is official, I have been a grade A bitch since I returned from Rachel's apartment. After I had spoken to Quinn I had gotten restless again, needing to be with Brit, she is my stress ball – I basically squeeze and toy with her, touching her and caressing her until my rage has melted away. She had been running late and usually it wouldn't be a problem, usually I wouldn't be waiting on her, but I was last night. So when she bounced in the apartment, full of smiles and pointless chatter I was for some unknown reason just furious with her.

"Where the fuck you been?" I had screamed at her, before her large gym bag had even hit the floor. I noticed Quinn make a hasty retreat to her room out of the corner of my eye but my gaze was totally fixed on my girlfriend who looked, well, just stunned really.

Her beautiful face was a picture of innocence, wide eyed and open mouthed and for some reason, instead of finding it adorable like I usually would, I just found it even more infuriating.

"You going to speak any-time soon?" I demanded as I started pacing the space between the living area and the small kitchen.

"Not until you calm down San." She said to me in a calm voice and little sigh as she stepped past me and headed towards our bedroom.

I should have left it at that, I should have sat down and had a quiet word with myself, but I couldn't leave it and before I could think I had stormed after my girlfriend, slamming the door behind me. She had jumped slightly and spun around as I entered the bedroom.

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down, tell me where the fuck you've been." I had been totally irrational but I couldn't stop myself.

Brittany had sat on the edge of the bed wearily, her happy mood completely eradicated by my bad one. She had looked at me with an expression on her face I recognised.

"What's happened Sanny, just tell me so I know why you are being this way?"

I should have done it, I should have told her what had been bothering me, but everything about her was driving me crazy.

"Being what way huh, not being stupid like you? Why do you assume some-thing's happened? And seriously Brit, why the fuck can't you answer my fucking question?" I had broke my number one rule of never calling Brit stupid, it was the one word I had promised I would never call her after countless instances of comforting her after some jock had called her it.

She had jumped up from the bed then, shocking us both with the suddenness of her move. Now Brittany does not do mad, she doesn't even do frustrated, she's a pretty simple girl in as much as, that as long as she has me, her dancing and her friends she doesn't need anything else. If anyone is rude to her or treats her like she's stupid because she sometimes says silly things, she simply shrugs it off, because she's naturally a happy, optimistic girl. That's why I still now can't believe I'd spoken to her like that.

She's tall enough so that although she doesn't tower above me, she does get all up in my business by stepping closely to me, her beautiful face inches from mine as those big blues hold me in place.

"Being a bitch is the way you are being, I assume something has happened because this morning you were you and this evening you are being Satan from high-school." She stepped closer to me and I stepped back trying to escape her intense glare, but she had simply followed me.

"And to answer your question I have been to the store to get some meat so I could make my girlfriend a romantic meal, even though I have been working all day and you have been off I knew your mind had been elsewhere the past few days so I thought I would do something nice and thoughtful. Who knew Satan would be here when I arrived?" She hadn't raised her voice as she had spoke to me and that just made what she had said to me that much more poignant, her little sing song voice was just heart-breaking.

I willed my voice to work, willed myself to tell her I was sorry and she was right I was being a dick, but instead, I simply rolled my eyes and let out a huff.

Brittany had smiled sadly and turned away from me, she made her way to the bedroom door and turned back to me before she left.

"Sanny?"

I had looked across at her with a hopeful expression on my face, I wanted her to tell me we were ok without me having to apologise.

"I love you but I will not be spoken to like you used to back then, they were not good times for me and I will not go back to that. I'll stay at a friends tonight and I hope you have worked through whatever you have going on when I come back." My girl had then let out such a defeated little sigh that I could have just slapped myself but instead I stood and watched as she left me.

Now, here I am just waiting for Brit to come home so I can tell her what a bitch I am and how sorry I am. When I'd woken up late this morning, after a bad night of trying to stop feeling so shitty and trying to get some rest, I assumed she would be home already but she wasn't at home and she still hasn't come back. I know Brittany better than I know myself, but even I'm surprised that not only did she leave in the first place but that she has yet to come back.

I am at the door the second I hear the key turning in the lock and I have the door yanked open and Brittany in my arms before I can tell myself to hold back. As my arms slip around my blonde I'm immediately relaxed, see this place we live is just a place to sleep in for me, it's Brit being here that makes it my home and makes me feel centred and relaxed, she has always been the only one who can calm me. This is what I should have done last night, I should have taken her in my arms and held her, let all the bad thoughts and feelings seep out of me instead of taking it out on her.

"So, I take it Santana has made a re-appearance." She says softly, before extracting herself from my arms and moving towards our bedroom again without a glance back at me.

I watch her go and find myself frowning after her, she smelt slightly musty and of sweat and, well, she smelt of something else. I couldn't explain the smell, other than to say she smelt like Quinn did when she came home after meeting some girl in a club. That's it, my girl, the love of my fucking life smells like sex.

I hate the churning in my stomach I feel as I follow her once more, she would not do this to me, she loves me, she wouldn't cheat on me I repeat to myself as I follow her to our room. I let myself sag against the door-frame as I watch her moving around the room, grabbing things she would need for a shower.

"Where did you go?" I ask and I'm surprised by the control I have over my voice.

"Out." She answers shortly, still moving fluidly about the room.

Me and Brit have both changed a lot since high-school, once we left the small town mentality of Lima, Ohio behind we felt immediately lighter. I felt like I could finally be myself, and by being myself I meant free to love Brit in the way she had always deserved. I think she had always understood that the reason I pushed her away was because of the fear. There are high-school's that embrace individuality and give the kids freedom to be exactly who they are without the need to hide any of themselves. McKinley wasn't one of those schools, I learnt pretty early on that in order to escape unscathed you had to be a HBIC or have one protecting you, that's how me and Brits worked. I guess you could have called her a liability, well you could have tried but I'm pretty sure I would have beat you down and still would. But looking back I can see she always did have a problem keeping that beautiful mouth of hers shut, but I always forgave her, like she always forgave me for being a bitch. Time after time I pushed her away, stolen kisses and breathless declarations seemingly meaning nothing to me in the cold, harsh light of a new day. But I had always loved her, regardless of how I acted and I think, deep down, she always knew that. She told me, the first night we moved into this apartment, that sometimes when I go into one of my moods or fly off the handle that I am going to turn into the same person I was in high-school and push her away, or go out and have a fling with some random guy, I'm always so hurt when she says something like that, I wonder whether no matter how much I change if it will ever be enough. But last night I had proved her right, I had become the person I was in high-school, taking out my anger on the one person who never deserved it. That's why the next words out of my mouth were not surprising to me, maybe the old me but not the Santana I am now and I am only this way because of her.

"Whoever it was I deserve it and I forgive you." I say softly looking across at Brit as she freezes and turns to face me.

"Errr what?" What that little frown on her face does to me just confirms the fact that I will forgive this girl anything. It kills me to think of some other bitch touching her and doing the things to her only I get to do, but I know I hurt her and she forgave me for all of those times I ran to some jock to try and forget about her, it's time to show her I have changed and that I love her enough to forgive her for this.

"It's ok B, you were mad at me, I get it. I wish you had come home but I understand I was pushing you away." I don't particularly want to touch her, not before she has a shower, but I swallow the lump in my throat and cross the room until I have her in my arms.

"Sanny," She says softly, I nod for her to continue. "What are you doing, I'm still kinda mad at you for yelling at me."

"Are you kidding me B? I have just said I'll forgive you for fucking some other bitch and I'm still the fucking bad guy." I notice her flinch at the tone of my voice before she gasps and looks up into my eyes.

"What? I haven't been with anyone else Sanny, how could you even think that?"

And I believe her instantly because Brit doesn't lie, she doesn't have it in her, she never has. That is why she has always been a better person than me.

"But, I can smell it on you, I can smell sex on you." I say and sniff again only to be pushed away by Brit, who is staring down at the floor a blazing blush taking over her features.

"You can't smell it, it's not like perfume." She mumbles adorably still staring at the floor and still blushing.

I am racking my brains, trying to think how she could smell like that without having been with any-one else.

"It was me." She says into the silence, still not looking up at me.

"It was you what?" I step towards her again and put my finger up under her chin, forcing her to look at me, she is chewing on her lower lips, her eyes darting everywhere but at me. "You can tell me anything B, you know I won't judge you."

"I went to the community centre to sleep last night because I didn't want to wake anyone up. But when I got there I couldn't relax and I couldn't sleep. You know when I get scared of silly noises in the night, the only way to make me sleep is..." She teeters off and looks down again, but I'm ready for her this time, tilting her head to mine again. I can feel that I have a huge smile on my face now.

"Is for me to fuck you." I finish off for her finally.

"Don't say it like that" She says softly, I roll my eyes because I sometimes forget how she much prefers it if I say make love or something just as soppy. "But yeah, I can't get to sleep till you get me off, but you weren't there." She whispers, even her ears are red now and I can't help but chuckle a little.

"So you got yourself off did you baby?" I ask seductively, stepping into her space and running my hands up her sides and round her back, pulling her into my body as she nods and drops her head into the crook of my neck. "I am so sorry for being a bitch last night B, you did not deserve it." I mumble as she presses a kiss to my exposed neck.

"Why were you a bitch Sanny, you were fine when I left, how did I annoy you so much I was at work all day."

I cannot bare the sound in her voice, I really am a complete bitch. I pull away from her and take her hands, settling her on the edge of the bed before joining her. I tell her everything, about Berry's wrist and finding her address, what I discovered about Katie and discussing everything with Quinn. I tell her everything up until she came through the door the night before. She looks so concerned and voices that concern about Rachel, saying how worried she is for the tiny girl.

"We'll sort it Brits, me and Q will sort something out and make sure she's safe. She wasn't my favourite person but she seems pretty cool now and no-on deserves to be treated like that."

"I know you will Sanny, you always help even though people think you won't. I still don't understand why you were so mean to me though." She smiles at me and cocks her head to the side quizzically.

I take a deep breath, I had been hoping she wouldn't ask that question, but I know she deserves my honesty.

"When I was there at the apartment and I was arguing with that bitch I looked into her eyes and you know what I felt?"

Brittany gasps and pulls away slightly. "Did you feel horny?" She says innocently and I can't help but once again laugh.

"No, no babe, I felt like I could have easily been her. She has all of this rage bubbling beneath the surface just ready to erupt and that is how I used to be. I always take my moods out on the people I love the most and that is what she does, she just takes it further than me. I just could not stand it, to see this person who I could so easily have been."

"Aw Sanny, you could never be like that. Yes you can be a total bitch and you can sometimes be unnecessarily cruel with your insults but you have always been a softy underneath it all. You snap at me and go off at me but then you apologise within a few hours, you always make it up to me too and you have never nor would you ever raise your hands at me or anyone else. Well you used to but that was usually in my defence or if someone had hurt your feelings and you would never go after someone defenceless like Rachy."

I nod once because everything she has said is true, I can be a bitch but I had never raised so much as a finger at Brittany. The thought actually makes me feel sick. My attention is brought back to Brittany who is sniffing the air dramatically before lowering her chin to her chest and sniffing again.

"Brits, what you doing chica?" I ask with a bemused expression on my face.

"You're right, I smell like sex. Come on let's take a shower" She says, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the bathroom with a light laugh. I love this girl with everything I have because she's the positive to my negative and she always, without fail, manages to cheer me up and forget any problems that I have going on inside of my fucked-up head.

_**Quinn**_

Rachel has been crying for nearly an hour and I have no idea what to do or say to make her feel better. I feel like she just needs to be held whilst she finally lets go so that's what I have been doing, we are still in the foyer of the theatre but now on the floor, she is curled into my body, her head on my chest, the sobs starting to slow slightly, I can tell they are by the fact that her body has stopped shaking as much.

My fingers trail through her hair, down her back and back up to the top of her head to start again, the motion seems to be soothing myself as well as the little diva. She starts to shift and I pull my hand back allowing her to adjust herself so she is sitting by my side. Her make up has mostly been cried off her face, and for the first time since meeting back up with her I can see how truly exhausted she looks.

The dark smudges and bags under her eyes have been expertly covered but are now glaringly obvious, but it's the eyes that surprise me the most. They just seem so empty, the spark from the Rachel Berry I used to know seems to be gone. Her hair is sticking to her face slightly and I assume that it's due to the crying and the heat. I smile at her sadly, stroke the stray strands from her face before I pull myself to my feet and hold out a hand to the tiny brunette.

She looks up at me with a questioning expression on her face but as I just continue to stare at her she eventually links her hand with mine and allows herself to be pulled to her feet. I stay in silence as I make my way to the rest-rooms, Rachel following silently behind me.

When we get in the rest-rooms I shut the door behind me and place my bag on the side next to the basins. I turn around and smile reassuringly at her before I step closer to her, the air around us is electric, as it always is when we are alone. I hear her breath catch in her throat as my hands go straight to the bottom of her jumper, I grip the material and slowly start to move it up Rachel's body.

"Stop." She whispers out, bringing her hands up to mine, when they rest on mine, it's my turn to gasp now, at the heat that comes blasting onto my skin from her touch.

I shake my head. "You said you can't do this any-more Rach, you don't have to. I want to be here for you but I cannot help you until I know what you have been hiding from every-one. If you really don't want me to help, you need to tell me now and I'll stop, but I beg you not to do that as I really want to help you." I wait for her to respond, because I do not want to push her I can tell she is scared and most likely embarrassed so I wait out the silence.

She finally releases my hands and nods her head once, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. I swallow thickly because I am just as nervous, a part of me does not want to see what this woman has been doing to Rachel, I am worried I will fly into a rage but I know I have to reign it in as I do not want to scare her away.

I slowly lift the jumper up, trying my best not to sigh out when I catch a glimpse of her flat, toned stomach, the muscles moving beneath the surface of the skin as she lifts her arms up and I pull the jumper over her head and throw it into one of the sinks, I have an old tee she can borrow but I am not letting her put that jumper back on, not in this heat.

As soon as the jumper is off her body she lets out a sigh of relief and almost sags against the wall behind her. I turn away from her, and go to my bag to get a hair clip out. As I rummage around I take a shaky breath and try to steady my hands. I have waited so many years to have her in front of me in a bra, but I never thought it would be like this, under these circumstances. I turn back to her and smile at her as she stands nervously twisting her hands. I hand her the hair clip and she wordlessly pulls her hair away from her face and securing it at the nape of her neck. Before she's finished I already have some make-up remover and wipes in my hands. I step closer to her again, pulling my eyes from her breasts which are heaving invitingly in her black silk bra, I concentrate on her face and gently wipe off any remainders of make-up from her face before gently tilting her head back and concentrating on her neck. The grip I have on the wipes tighten as I reveal more and more bruises around her neck, I frown as I see the same small half moon nail marks that are on her wrist also on her neck. I flinch when she flinches and I cry gently as she starts to cry once more.

Finally, make up free I reach down remove the watch from her wrist allowing me to see her completely. I notice a few small scars just underneath the bottom of her bra and I can't stop myself from reaching out and running my fingertip across the small silver lines. I watch in awe as goosebumps rise in the wake of my touch.

"Rach..." I sigh her name out and look into those big brown eyes, as tears escape from the side of them.

"I'm sorry." She says softly.

"Don't!" I say suddenly, startling us both. "Sorry, I just, I cannot bare for you to apologise for something that is definitely not your fault."

"You may not think it is, but if we had not kissed she would never have gotten so mad."

"God Rach, how has she turned you from the diva I once knew to this girl now, you are so far removed from the little diva I fell in love with, it was not your fault. You kissed me as an escape and if she wasn't treating you so badly you would not have needed an escape, if it had not have been the kiss it would have been something else. Something you say to her that she doesn't agree with or something you do that pisses her off and causes her to lash out."

She cries a little harder as I say that and then collapses forward into my arms.

"I know, I know." She gets out between sobs against my shoulder. "I have been covering for her for so long I don't know how to stop myself."

I pull myself away from her and look down into those eyes again, those eyes that I have dreamed of for all of these years.

"I know this is so not the right time and you have so much going on inside of your head right now, but I need to tell you something..." I take a deep breath and debate with myself whether I should say this but I just have to. "I have been in love with you for years Rach, since well before you kissed me back in high-school. I tried so hard to run from it but it always caught up to me. I want to help you and I offer my help with no strings attached I just need to be your friend."

Her eyes widen as she stares at me, she looks stunned and she pulls out of my grasp and steps back so her back is once more against the wall.

"I simply cannot be your friend Quinn." She says to me. Her eyes blaze as they connect with mine and I feel my breath catch in my throat, have I just flung away the only chance of having Rachel in my life "I could never just be friends with you."

Before I have time to think she is in my arms her lips pressing hungrily against mine and I think I may have just died and gone to heaven.

**AN2 I hope you all liked it! Katie will not just disappear though, that would be far to easy now wouldn't it? Please Review xx**


	9. Beautiful Mess

**AN – Hello lovely readers, I hope you're all well. Here's the next instalment and I hope it's enjoyable, wanted to update mid-week but my piece of crap lap-top died on me. Never mind though I have pretty new one now ;-)**

**Thank you so much for the reviews, not as many for last chapter as others, so I hope you're all still enjoying it, I know I'm still enjoying writing it xx**

**Disclaimer – Glee = Not mine :-( xx**

_**Rachel**_

I don't know what it is that Quinn does to me, but I know that right now I am exactly where I want to be, doing exactly what I want to do. I am trying to remember something good about Katie that makes what I am doing seem wrong and something I should feel guilty about, but last night is all that flares in my mind so I pull Quinn closer to me, feeling my chest constrict as she slips her tongue past my sore lips and she changes the pace of our kiss. It started off passionate and rough but with each caress of her lips she has changed it, slowed the kiss down so she is taking the pressure from my sore lips and has started to slip her tongue languidly against my own.

"Mmmm." Slips from my lips as she pulls away slightly to move her fingers from tangled within my hair to trail over my cheek and down my neck, barely touching the surface of the skin with her fingertips.

"You are beautiful Rach." She whispers out into the stillness of the room. "So beautiful." Her eyes are blazing into mine, she is holding nothing back and I can see all of her feeling laid bare in those hazel orbs.

I swallow thickly as I try to reply but she shakes her head and presses a light kiss to my lips. "Don't, please don't say anything that will make me unhappy." She presses her forehead against mine and I can feel my eyes are wide.

She knew I was going to rebuff her compliment her, I was actually going to ask her when she started to need glasses but it's like she sensed it and stopped me in my tracks.

"The auditions will be starting soon so I need to go set up. I'll leave a tee and you can wear that, as soon as the auditions are over we will talk." She says firmly and I see a flash of the old HBIC I recognise, she reluctantly pulls away from me and makes her way to her bag.

I nod in reply, my heart beating too hard in my chest to do much else. I notice her leave a small pot of cover-up next to the sinks as she places the tee next to it. She gets as far as the door before turning towards me, her expression of pure happiness practically breaking me in two.

"I meant everything I said Rach, I know you, I know you are Rachel Barbara Berry and you think you don't need rescuing. But I'm here and I want, no, I need to rescue you. I promise you I'll make things ok again, I fix it, you." With a small, sad nod of her head she's gone and I slump back against the wall.

In one breath I am so thrilled that she clearly feels so much for me but then in another I'm so scared about what it means. She wants to rescue me does she? How can she want that when she has no idea what to rescue me from because Katie is not the only thing that I'm afraid of, and what if I'm too broken to be fixed now.

-#-

I silently slide into the seat beside Quinn as she doodles on her notebook, she glances across and smiles when she sees I'm wearing her tee, she hands me the head shots of the people due today and I take them and place them on the small desk in front of us.

"This play Quinn, it's about you isn't it." I ask quietly, almost afraid to break whatever spell has fallen over us.

I see her hand still instantly before she clears her throat and continues the small shapes and lines she is drawing, I think she's going to ignore me and pretend I never spoke until she starts to speak, her voice so quiet I instinctively bend closer to her to hear better.

"I suppose it is, loosely based on me and how much of an effect your kiss had on me."

I nod and smile sadly, when I had first read the play, about a young girl, Sam, who is so very afraid to be who she is I had instantly thought of the Quinn from high-school I had known, even before I knew it was written by her.

She pushes everyone away so she can make her parents happy. She is dying inside, slowly spiralling out of control when she meets Jess, who is the very opposite of Sam, she is everything Sam wants to be and she hates it, she hates her. She fights against her feelings for the other girl and bullies her, makes her life hell until she can't stop herself any-more and she kisses her.

That kiss sets in motion so many different events for Sam, she finally realises she's gay and enters into a secret relationship with Jess, threatening to end things whenever Jess pushes for them to come out. Eventually Jess gets tired and leaves her. This sends Sam into a huge depression as she turns to drink and sex with random strangers to feel something again.

She finally comes to her senses and realises what she is missing out on, what she could have had with Jess so she comes out to her parents who quickly disown her, making her life hell and making it impossible for her to live in the place where she grew up. By this point in the play Jess has already left, sick of waiting for Sam to open up about her feelings, so Sam leaves the town she grew up in with nothing and no-one. She goes after Jess and tries to find her lost love.

After nearly a year of looking, she eventually finds Jess and discovers she's moved on, she has a girlfriend now, an apartment and is settled and happy. The last scene of the play is of Sam walking away from everything she ever wanted regretting her past decisions and the prejudices she let rule her life for so long. It is a very powerful play and some of the language and bullying were horrid to read about, but it went on, it still goes on and part of the plays whole point is to open peoples eyes to the fact that no matter what Sam goes through, she is still just a girl who was too afraid to go for what she wanted and lost out because of it.

"You should be so proud Quinn, you wrote something that I really believe will change things, not for everyone maybe, but for some people, you will make them leave here with different opinions."

She smiles bashfully, and looks away. The Quinn from high-school would have slapped this Quinn on the back of the head and replied that she knows she's amazing. But, I like Quinn as she is now, she has changed but not so she is unrecognisable. She has just realised, like I have, that the whole world does not revolve around her.

"Thank you." She answers before leaning forward to kiss me softly, I try so hard not to get lost in the feeling of her lips but I'm helpless around her, so it's up to her to pull back and when she does she looks at my lips for a few seconds before they curl up into a smirk and she drags her gaze over my face and up to my eyes. "I could kiss you forever." She smiles as I chuckle softly, I like laughing but I have not had much to laugh about over recent months so I'm glad I feel so free to do it in front of Quinn.

"The feeling is more than mutual...clearly." I say gesturing to my puffy lips, they are once again betraying me by showing everyone who glances at them what I've been doing. I feel my own gaze drop to her lips just as she glides her tongue over her bottom lip, I gasp and feel a pull in my lower stomach as arousal ignites inside of me. Me and Katie do not have what I would call sex, she fucks me. I hate that word but it's justified in this moment, she doesn't make love to me and she doesn't make me feel excited with just a glance. I know that Quinn would make love to me and she'd tell me I'm beautiful whilst doing it, she makes me so aroused with a glance that right now I can barely function. I didn't know it could be like this with someone. I always found Katie attractive I mean who wouldn't? But with Quinn, she is breathtaking and she is all I've ever wanted.

"Hi, is this the auditions for _Beautiful Mess_?" A small voice questions from behind us and I drag my eyes away from Quinn and look towards where the voice is coming from.

A tall girl with long bright, red hair makes her towards us with a large smile on her face. She's gorgeous, all long legs and beautiful green eyes, pouty lips and such gorgeous creamy skin. I feel my eyes skim over her body appreciatively, but am pulled from my staring with a small squeeze of my thigh. I glance up and grin at Quinn's disapproving eyebrow raise.

"Yes, this is the auditions, thank you for coming." Quinn says as she stands and shakes the girls hand before nodding towards me. "This is Rachel Berry, she'll be playing Sam, are you here to audition for Jess?" The girls eyes widen as Quinn says my name, it's obvious she hadn't read any theatre magazines that yesterday advertised the fact that I had already signed on for the part of Sam, the hope was to attract a lot more interest.

"Yeah, my name is Ashley, Ash." She says with a nod and another little glance in my direction, I nod and smile a hello and she blushes scarlet. Oh dear, a fan, this does not bode well unless she can pull herself together.

Quinn clears her throat to bring the girls attention back to her and she nods towards the stage and signals for her to head up and begin her audition. She stands gripping on to the script as she delivers her lines with the practised ease of someone who has clearly read the script a few times. She is good, really good, but the problem is any-time she glances at me and realises I'm watching her, she starts to stutter and mess her lines up and it's unprofessional, I do understand that if you're a fan you will be slightly starstruck but at an audition you have to have your game-face on and this girl seems to have misplaced her game-face completely. There is also something a little false about her, but I cannot place what it is.

Her audition ends rather suddenly when a very confused blonde stumbles out onto the stage with wide eyes and wild hair.

"Errr who are you and where is Sanny?" Brittany asks the startled Ashley.

I laugh as I hear Quinn growl softly beside me. "Ashley, thank you, we'll be in touch!" She states with a dismissive wave of her hand. As Ashley goes to protest, Quinn's head snaps towards the girl and she raises her voice. "I said, we will be in touch." She finishes with a small scowl and the girl gulps loudly before rushing from the stage.

"Quinn.." I admonish softly.

"Sorry" She mumbles before glancing back at Brittany who is still standing looking lost on the stage. "Brit, honey, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for Sanny." She says simply, frowning as she looks past us to try and find her girlfriend.

"Why are you and San here?" Quinn elaborates patiently.

"Well we came to see the simpletons silly enough to audition for your little play." She finishes with a huge grin and this time I don't stop the giggle from escaping my mouth, she has clearly repeated word for word what Santana told her.

"Ahh, that makes sense, where is Satan?" Quinn says with a small half-smile of her own.

"Well, I wouldn't be looking for her if I knew that would I? Duh Q." Brittany says with a roll of her eyes and I have to admit that she's right. "We we're making out and she said she was going to hide and I had to find her but I ended up here instead." She says bending down to pick up the script that had clearly been left behind from Ashley's rather sudden departure. She frowns as she reads the dialogue before smiling widely at me and Quinn. "I'll audition too, you know, while I'm here." She shrugs and Quinn turns towards me, her eyes wide and panicked.

I smile at Brittany and lean towards Quinn, "Nothing to lose mmm?"

She sighs and nods once, before turning back to Brittany. "Al-right Brit, audition away, but please remember I will treat you like I do everyone else, you have no experience so please don't get your hopes up honey." I can tell by the look on her face that Quinn has no faith that Brittany will be able to do this, but there is something mesmerising about her when she dances, that I wonder if the same will be true with everything she does on the stage.

"Kay, that's good. Rachy are you coming up?"

"Well no, it's an audition for the part of Jess, I already have a part." I say and I know I'm frowning at her, but the truth is if Brit wants me on that stage, that's where I'll end up.

"I know silly, but the dialogue on here is between Sam and Jess. I want to be Jess, you can be Sam, come on." She adds a small sigh as she motions with her hand for me to hurry up.

"I am Sam." I mutter as I drag myself from my seat.

"No you're Berry and if you don't move yourself I will pick you up and carry you to the stage." Santana's voice comes from beside me and I jump and turn to look at her, she doesn't look angry though, she looks at me with sadness in her eyes and I know instantly that she knows, she is the last person who would look at me like that, she normally settles for a glare. She gives me a crooked smile and I think I'll run if she offers me some silly platitude. "Hurry the fuck up Berry, my girls waiting to rock your world." She says with a quirk of her eyebrow as she nods towards the stage. I smile at her gratefully and make my way towards Brittany.

"Yay! Hi San, I'm gonna be an actress." Brittany says clapping her hands and jumping up and down on the stage, I roll my eyes thinking that it must be great to have such an easy life and be so sure that you can do anything you want.

"So I see baby, when did you decide you wanted to be an actress?" She asks, she looks and sounds genuinely interested and not for the first time do I wonder about their relationship. How Santana can be totally different for this one person, how Brittany manages the impossible and softens Santana to make her so much more bearable.

"Just now, but I'll like totally rock. I wanted to be an amazing singer and I was, same with dancing, now I wanna try acting." Brittany grins as I step onto the stage but as I get closer to her, her face changes.

She takes a step towards me, her face dropping and tears forming in her eyes. I feel myself begin to panic thinking what I could have possibly done to upset her so much in such a short space of time.

She glides towards me and reaches up to caress my cheek with her hand, her eyes boring into mine, looking broken as she lowers her head and sighs. She looks up and takes a deep breath.

"S-sam, I, I just can't do this any-more I love you so much but I feel like I can't breath." She manages to make it sound like a whisper but I know that even the people at the back of the theatre would be able to hear her. I was entranced. Right now she wasn't Brittany, she was Jess and she had done it effortlessly with just once glance at the script.

"Please Jess, I can do this, I can change, but not alone." I say desperately, slipping effortlessly into character as I lift my hand up and place it on top of hers as she continues to caress my face. She steps back from me shaking her head sadly and I step with her, keeping the contact between our two characters.

"I have tried so hard Sam, I've tried to be there for you to turn to, I've loved you and I've waited patiently. I put up with the abuse you flung at me and I forgave you for it because I knew how frightened you were. But, I can't just stay here, in the sidelines while you decide whether I'm worth the fall-out that will come if you admit to yourself and others that you want me." Brittany takes a shaky breath as one, big perfect tear escapes her eye and rolls languidly down her cheek before dropping from her jaw. "It hurts too much." She looks at me like I've broke her heart and I can easily believe I have, that's how good she is.

"N-n-no." I stutter out as I stumble after her as she spins from me and then back towards me just as fast.

She slips her hand behind my head as she drags my face to hers and pushes her lips against mine. This isn't in the script but it's perfect, her lips don't move, it isn't a passionate, loving kiss. It's a heartbroken goodbye.

She pulls away and reaches up to smile sadly at me, reaching up to wipe away tears I hadn't even known were falling.

"I'm sorry, I'm done." She says in a broken voice as she turns away again and this time walks away from the stage without a second glance back at me. I lower myself to the floor and stare at the empty space where she had been as tears continue to coarse down my face.

I wipe away the tears and grin as Brittany runs back onto the stage smiling and dancing, she picks me up from the floor easily and puts an arm around my shoulder as she looks towards Quinn and Santana.

I finally look up and follow her gaze and laugh at the different expressions on the two girls faces, Quinn looks stunned and slightly embarrassed that she didn't think Brittany had it in her. Santana looks proud but unsurprised, she has so much faith in her girl it's blindingly obvious that Santana knew, just as Brittany had, that she would be an amazing actress.

Quinn clears her throat and shakes herself slightly. "That was, well, amazing Brit, really it was. I'll obviously have to do the rest of the auditions today." I see Santana's head snap towards Quinn and watch as Quinn reaches up, without taking her eyes from us, to place a hand over Santana's mouth. "But, that's just a formality, you got the part Brits."

I smile at Quinn and find myself falling into those big eyes again before I'm wrenched from my placed and crushed in Brittany's embrace as she squeals and jumps up and down with me in her arms. I look over her shoulder and see Santana remove Quinn's hand from her mouth with a small snarl, before looking up at the stage and yelling to Brittany.

"Yeah baby, knew you'd be fucking amazing, my girl is the fucking shit."

Brittany laughs with me still in her arms and Quinn joins in, I look to her and Santana and then back up at Brittany and wonder if I've finally found my place in this world, with these three girls by my side.

**AN 2 – Hope you liked and and please, please don't forget to review – they really do make my day :-) xx**


	10. Next step

**AN Two updates in two days? That's how much I love you guys :-) **

**Thank you for the response on the last chapter, I'm soooo close to 100 reviews I'm very very excited ;-) **

**Disclaimer – I still own nothing at all...well I have a nice car...but not glee :-(**

**Keep on reviewing, let me know anything you'd like to see and I'll try my best to put it in the story if I can xx**

_**Quinn**_

I smile at the old man who lets us into Rachel's apartment complex, he greets her like a long lost daughter. He grins widely and proclaims her name loudly dragging her into a huge hug. I smile even wider as he winks at me over her shoulder.

"How are you little star?" He asks in a thick New Jersey accent, in any other lifetime he could have been a boxer, huge wide set shoulder and a broad chest, it's only his face and greying hair that gives way to the fact that he is long past being the age to fight.

"I'm really good thank you Rick." She pulls out of his embrace and steps back so she is touching shoulders with me. "This is my very good friend Quinn, Quinn this is my New York daddy, Rick." The lightness in her eyes makes my heart soar and I grin and hold my hand out to the man who clearly means a lot to Rachel, I'm not surprised when he bats my hand away and brings me into his body, in a bone crushing hug.

"Ahh Quinn, good to finally meet you. Bet you regret letting this little one out of your grasp all those years ago huh?" He booms out with a loud laugh.

I glance at Rachel and see she is blushing and biting her lower lip. She must have spoken about me at some point, that makes me even happier. I hadn't wanted to come back to her apartment but I needed to know she would be ok, and when she told me Katie would be working at the club all night I agreed as I wanted her to feel comfortable.

"You can say that again Rick, but it's never too late to make up for past mistakes is it?" I ask him with a genuine smile.

He studies me for a moment, sizing me up, until he grins widely and claps his hands together.

"Never Quinn, never, I like this one little star I really do." He says with a wink at me as he walks with us to the elevator.

I'm not too distracted by the easy conversation to not notice how beautiful this building is, I feel like our apartment could fit inside the elevator alone. When we step into the large space, Rick reaches forward to stop the door closing before his gaze falls on Rachel and a secretive smirk takes over his manly, lined face.

"She's gone to the club so she shouldn't be back too early, if she does I'll give you a call immediately to..." He glances my way before looking back at Rachel, his smirk twice as wide. "Warn you to be, well, presentable." With that he steps back as the doors shut and Rachel lets out a squeak of indignation.

"I like Rick." I say firmly, leaning against the side of the elevator and fixing my hair in the gold surrounded mirror opposite me.

She laughs softly and her gaze drops, the laugh dying in her throat. I step forward to see what has caught her off-guard, I see her name next to the number floor she lives on and squeezed next to it is Katie's name.

I reach forward and run the ends of my fingers over Rachel's name, tracing it and memorizing it to the touch.

"Her name doesn't deserve to be anywhere near yours baby." I say softly and see her wince. I look at her questionably.

"Don't, just don't call me _that." _She means baby and I take it that it's something Katie calls her and I have no desire to call her the same things that Katie has.

"Sorry little star." I say with a small smile, wrapping my arms around her and trying to ignore the fact that she slips into my embrace so perfectly, it's like we were made for each other.

She doesn't pull away from me, even when we arrive on her floor. I step out of the elevator with her still in my arms. I struggle a little, so I lift her up and pull on her legs not satisfied until they are wrapped securely around my waist, her head even further snuggled into the crook of my neck.

I arrive at her door and am surprised when it clicks and opens without me even touching it.

"Remote." She mumbles into my neck, causing a shiver to run through my whole body.

I nod and move us into the apartment, quickly scanning the large space with wide, impressed eyes before I turn back to the door and kick it closed. As I do, I stumble slightly and end up with Rachel pressed between my body and the door.

Her head lifts up slowly, her eyes wide and open as she drinks in my face. She reaches a hand up and ghosts it over my face, before settling it in the crook of my neck and moving forward so her lips are a less than a seconds from mine.

"You can kiss me if you would like to?" She asks softly, her eyes widening even more in innocence.

I drops my gaze to the slightly swollen lips and nod slowly, "I always want to." I say before closing the gap between us.

As soon as my lips touch hers I once again have this feeling bubbling up from the pit of my stomach, the want I feel for her has never been so strong and I could honestly do this for the rest of my life. We move our lips in sync, applying pressure when needed, I swipe my tongue across her lips often, eager to soothe any discomfort she might be feeling. Her hand has moved from my neck to my hair, running her fingers through it and pulling lightly on the hairs at the base of my neck.

She lets out little breathless moans any-time my mouth leaves hers and it's just so, so, well it's so fucking hot and it's making me feel hot. I press her a little harder into the door and she wraps her legs tighter around my waist, she does this little roll with her hips and it causes her to hiss and I can't help but smirk. When she moves her hips the seam from her jeans in-between her legs must be rubbing against her in the best kind of way.

I realise I'm still holding my bag, which I quickly drop. I move both of my hands straight to her butt, pulling her against my stomach even tighter, earning another harsh hiss. She throws her head back against the door and gasps in pain and one of my hands leave her butt quickly to rub the sensitive spot on her head.

"Don't.." She gets out, moving her head back from my grasp and arching her back. "Just..do it again." She breathes out and I grin widely before I move my hand back to where my other one is and pull her into me again.

"Ohhhhh." She says in that husky voice of hers and I feel arousal shoot straight between my legs, so sudden and strong I think my knees could buckle. I adjust my stance so my hip is between her legs and I lower my lips to Rachel's exposed neck.

I am convinced that this whole building is on fire, I feel so hot. My breath is coming out in short pants and I can feel a light sweat break out over my body as I continue to lick and kiss the soft skin of her neck.

She is letting out even louder moans and sighs as I continue to pull her into me and she continues to roll her hips. I know that I should stop this before it gets too hard to, but her hands are clutching at my back, her nails digging in slightly as she begins to gyrate her body against mine with more vigour than before. Truth is, I don't want to stop this, I want it and more. I want to show her I can be better for her than Katie, I want to show her I can love her better than Katie...I just want to be better than Katie and I know, deep down that I am but I want Rachel to know it too.

I slow my movements against her as I realise that in order to prove to Rachel I'm a better person, I have to show her. I know she wants this as much as I do, her bodies reaction shows me that much. But, she will regret it, she may have kissed me but sleeping with someone else is something else, trust me I know.

"Why are you stopping?" She asks me breathlessly her glazed eyes finding mine.

"I have to, I can't be this person Rach. I want to be your saviour not your escape." I say softly, kissing her gently.

"Why can't you be both?" She asks hopefully and I can't help the small chuckle that escapes me as I step back from the wall, feeling her legs fall from my waist and drop to the floor. I still keep her in my arms though, not wanting to lose that connection to her.

"Because if you escape to me, then you'll stay where you are and just turn to me as an escape and I can't be that Rach. I need to take you away from this for good not just for an hour or so."

She nods slowly but pouts as she does so. When I step back from her she steps with me and leans up to press a kiss against my lips before pulling back from me completely and moving over to the window seat. She sits and pulls her legs up under her chin, she looks out at the sights and sounds of Manhattan before turning back to me.

"I don't know what my next step should be." She says honestly and I don't reply, just shruggin in response.

I would love to be able to tell her what she has to do next, I know what she should do. But I have a feeling that Katie has been telling her what she should do for quite a while and I don't want to do that to her too.

I make my way towards her and stop behind the sofa, a long table displays pictures of Rachel. The first few are of her and her fathers, then one with her whole family. The next is a picture of glee club I recognise, which makes me smile widely. The next few are of her and Katie and I cannot help the way my face twists into a mask of disgust. In each one they look ridiculously happy and in love, one of those couples you hate to see because they are so nauseating. The last one seems to be the most recent one, a night out it looks like. It's different from the rest because Rachel doesn't look happy, her eyes look dead and her smile seems pinched. Katie seems too happy, her grin taking over her face as she stands with a predatory arm around Rachels shoulder, I can see her nails digging deep into Rachels arm and suddenly the look on Rachel's face makes more sense.

"I hate that one." She says and I turn away from the picture, moving over to her.

"I do too, I hate her." I say before I can stop myself.

"At least your honest." She says with a small shrug. "She wasn't always like this Quinn, I know it won't change your opinion of her and I don't wish to do that, but I want you to know that I was happy with her once, even if it was only for a short period of time."

I sigh and climb opposite her on the window seat, intertwining our legs so we can both fit on comfortably. I don't really want to hear about when she was happy with anyone else, let alone Katie. But, I have a feeling that she needs to tell me this.

"Tell me." I encourage her.

"I just met her when I was at such a bad place, she made me feel something I hadn't felt for years and that was hope. She told me how gorgeous she thought I was, how I could do anything I wanted to. She fed my ego, she built me back up again and made me believe in love again." She looks down and notices that hands have become clenched and makes an effort to unclench them.

"At first, it was roses everyday and texts, phone calls that went on forever, visits from L.A and to L.A. She wooed me I suppose you could say but I was so ready to be wooed Quinn, I'd had enough of New York and of being rejected from audition after audition, I was too fat, then too thin, my hair wasn't right or my nose was too big. So many other things were going wrong also, rent was crippling me and the horrible little jobs I could do made me feel worse. I had lost my confidence and without it I was wasting away, she gave me that back Quinn, she built me up and my life turned around, I got finally got a part and my life just starting clicking into place. She was amazing and supportive so I overlooked things that I now realise were early warning signs."

"What were they?" I asked softly, it pained me to know how much she had been suffering and I hadn't been there for her. If I had only found her sooner, I could have saved her then and saved her from ever meeting Katie.

"She was possessive, questioning every little thing I would tell her and reading too much into it. I just put it down to her wanting to make me feel loved. She drank, a lot, for every occasion she topped up her glass, sad, happy, angry the glass always got topped up. She would snap at me for nothing and her mood could change in an instant, but I never imagined she would turn into the monster she has become. The first time she hit me I was stunned, I didn't move for ten minutes as she sobbed and begged for me to forgive her. I did of course, because I have a forgiving nature. I fell more in love with her after that, it was almost like I couldn't stop myself. The second time I was expecting it, I had gotten drunk and flirted with a girl from the play who I knew had a crush on me. I did not realise that Katie was in the same club and when I finally saw her I knew I was in trouble. We had barely gotten into my old apartment, and she had punched me in the stomach so hard I couldn't breath, then she slapped me enough to burst my lip clean open."

I can't help but look away from her, I still don't understand why she didn't leave then. Why did she stay around, she's not stupid, she is far from it so why would this beautiful intelligent woman let herself be treated like that.

"I know what you're thinking Quinn, you want to know why I stayed with her? I loved her, you have to understand that, but as well as the love I felt for her I felt that I owed her my life, without her I would have given up my dreams and moved back to Ohio. I probably would have married Finn or someone just like him and lived the rest of my life unhappy. So I stayed and I tried so hard to help her, she kept begging me to help her but eventually she went too far, she pushed me too far. So I left, I left and told her I wouldn't be coming back and I was so strong Quinn, my heart was breaking but I kept away from her but then she showed up, she'd been seeing someone, getting help and she seemed different. She was different until she moved here." She shrugs sadly. "I may not love her any-more Quinn, but I did once and it's hard to completely forget that...so again, I don't know what my next step should be."

"Well maybe you try speaking to your fucking girlfriend about it before this fucking bitch!" A voice exclaims harshly from the doorway.

I snap my head in the direction the voice has came from and my eyes widen as Katie steps into the room, slamming the door behind her, a strange almost manical look in her eyes.

**AN 2 Remember to review, I really want to get to 100 reviews :-) xx**


	11. Stop this

**AN Oh my god! You guys are just freaking amazing, I never expected such a response from the last chapter. 22 reviews for 1 chapter! You have all totally spoilt me and now I'm going to be upset if I don't get anywhere near that many ever again, so keep them coming my lovelies and I'll keep up with the quick updates :-)**

**Not a very long chapter as I wanted to get something out to you, but the next one will be much, much longer.**

**I won't get to watch Sexy until tomorrow night so I have my fingers crossed that they do justice to Brittana :-) xx**

**Disclaimer : If I owned glee it would be all about the Faberry and Brittana!**

_**Quinn**_

I hold back a yelp of pain as Rachel yanks her legs from mine as she struggles to stand, I watch as her demeanour changes completely and my hate for this woman grows with every bit of Rachel I see vanishing in front of my very eyes. She shrinks in on herself, her eyes darting around the room in a panicked manner, her hands shaking and her breath coming out sharply. She is terrified and I can't blame her.

I stand slowly, taking my time and trying to figure out what to do now. Katie has heard too much, more than Rachel was ready for her to hear, but I can't help but think that this might be a good thing. It's not the way it was supposed to be, but I'm not afraid of Katie and I'll be damned if I'm leaving Rachel alone with her now or ever again.

Even in this situation I can see what attracted Rachel to Katie, she is stunningly beautiful, her glossy black hair standing out against her creamy skin and those eyes are spectacular, but it's when I look into those eyes I realise what Rachel should have long ago. She has no passion, no happiness she's like a snake and those eyes are merely roaming around to find her prey, that prey is Rachel.

"I thought I would come back to see how my girlfriend was doing, as she seemed oh so upset this morning. Imagine my surprise as I see you walking back to _our_ apartment with the blonde bitch who you kissed. I watched you talking to Rick, that prick has always hated me and I heard him say he would warn you if I came back." She draws in a shaky breath as she laughs manically. "I simply went to the basement car park though baby and rode the elevator from there, see Rach I will always get to you, no matter the obstacle." She says in a menacing tone.

I go to speak but the bitch has the audacity to hold her hands up to silence me. "You, out!" She snarls not looking in my direction, her eyes not leaving Rachel.

I snort as I try to hold my laugh in, I sit back down on the window seat, crossing my legs as I survey her. Rachel's head snaps to the side, her eyes wide and afraid. She isn't scared for her, she's scared for me I can see immediately, her eyes plead with me to leave so I don't get hurt but I shake my head once and I hope she realises I'm not going anywhere.

"No Katie, that's not how this is going to play out." I say steadily and those grey eyes land on me for the first time, she's got an evil stare that can rival Santana and Sue but because I've been around bullies my whole life, hell, I was one, she does not scare me.

"Oh and how is this going to go down Quinn, please tell me as I'm just dying to know." She says, her voice just as level as mine had been.

"You have two options really, I hope you pick the easy one but I doubt you will. First one, we all sit down and have a pleasant little chat about you moving out and leaving Rachel alone for good, second one, well that's me dragging you out of this apartment and making sure you leave Rachel alone. See, one easy option and one option that gets you hurt, up to you." I shrug and move my gaze from Katie to Rachel, I smile softly at her as I see she is standing a little taller and her hands seem to be steadying slightly.

My gaze switches back to Katie as she growls, she is moving towards us with her eyes blazing. I'm unsure of who she is heading for but when she keeps her gaze on me I figure it's me.

I'm on my feet before she can even slow her movements and I catch her raised arm with my hand easily, gripping firmly as she continues to snarl and spit at me.

"Wrong choice Katie, such a wrong fucking choice." I hiss out, bending my face close to hers. "Your first wrong choice was touching Rachel, second was not taking the easy out I offered and your third is ever thinking you could raise your hand to me." She is strong and I can feel her muscles straining underneath the grip I have on her, but I'm stronger and I can tell it's startled her.

I turn to Rachel and send a strained smile her way, she is chewing on her nails worriedly.

"Go to the bedroom please Rach" I tell her softly, my jaw clenching with the effort of keeping my grip iron strong.

"W-w-what? Why?" She says her eyes widening.

"Please Rach, you've seen enough violence." I explain, I know Katie won't leave easily and I know she'll fight just as hard to stay as I will to get her to leave and I don't want Rachel to see it or god forbid get caught in the cross-fire.

She looks undecided, her eyes flitting from me to Katie's struggling form, before nodding slowly and backing from the room.

As soon as I hear the door click behind her I shoot my leg out and let it connect with Katie's shin, bringing her down to the floor. I still have hold of her arm so I move over her and move my other hand to her throat, pressing down firmly on the skin there, feeling her swallow repeatedly as she struggles beneath me, her hand pulling on mine desperately.

"Are you scared Katie? Can you feel yourself getting breathless because of how tight my hand is around your neck?" I lower my head close to her ear so she can hear me even though the blood must be rushing to her brain. "What's running through your mind now?" I say, my tone low and dangerous. "Hmmm I wonder if this is how Rachel felt when you did this to her." I increase the pressure of my hand with every statement, I want her to feel like Rachel felt, to know what's it like to feel helpless underneath someone, that utter lack of control that means you are at someone else's mercy.

"Do you feel light-headed yet?" I ask curiously. As I press my fingers into her skin more urgently.

She is really starting to struggle under me now, bucking her body and twisting it from side to side, trying to get out of my grip. I know I can't continue much longer without her passing out so I finally let go of her neck, keeping my grip tight on her arm as I do so, so she cannot pull away from me or come at me.

"See, that's the difference between us Katie, I can't find it in me to really do you any damage unlike how you have been treating Rachel. How long did you think she would put up with this? She's a fucking angel and you've been treating her like shit." I can feel the anger coursing through my body, I want to punch her and kick her until she's nothing but a bleeding mess on the floor.

I did my fair share of bottling up my anger when I was younger, but I can feel it bubbling over now and I have to control it because I can't be like her, I won't be like her.

"Fuck you, do you think your better than me? do you?" She spits out at me. "Have you forgotten what you did to her in high-school, you made her life hell, you made her feel like her life wasn't worth living!"

"And what do you think your doing? Making her life full of fucking roses and rainbows? I may have been horrible to her in high-school but I never hit her and she never feared me like she does you. You were supposed to be her fucking chance at happiness but you broke her instead." I slap her across the face and can't help feel a small sense of pride as her lip splits open from the impact.

"Oh yes, you are so different to me aren't you Quinn?" She says, the words slightly muffled from behind the hand hovering over her lip.

She moves back from me and I drop her arm, watching as she drags herself backwards, until her back is against the couch and she stares at me with wide eyes as she touches her lip experimentally, wincing in pain as she does so.

"You could have been me." She says in a quiet voice. "You could have had her in high-school, don't take her from me." Her voice breaks and I shake my head at her, Santana is right, the girl is bat shit crazy. She has gone from practically spitting in my face with venom, to crying for me not to take Rachel from her.

"I'm not, you pushed her away and you even messed up your second chance." I shrug and watch as her face changes again, she curls her lip up in disgust and rolls her eyes.

"You want her? You can have her! You have no fucking idea what it's like living with her, putting up with the moods and the doubts, constantly trying to convince her she's fucking perfect."

"Don't" I say a warning tone to my voice.

"Don't what? Tell the truth, you see Quinn I think you want the Rachel from high-school, the girl who was so sure of herself and of others. She's not like that any-more."

"Because you have fucking knocked any little remains of self-belief she ever had out of her!" I scream, god I just want her gone.

"Katie" Rachel's voice says softly from the doorway to the bedroom.

Katie looks up and scrambles to her feet, she smooths her hair down and brushes at her bleeding lip. "Yeah baby." She says with a small smile and I can't help but shake my head again.

"You need to leave now." She says firmly, standing taller than I had seen her since I first laid eyes on her again. "You're right, I don't have any self belief left and that's partly my fault because I've let you take it from me. But, I need to get it back and you need to be gone for me to do that." She sounds so sure of herself I grin in response.

"You want me gone so you can fuck her don't you?" She takes a step towards Rachel and I'm on my feet and beside her in seconds.

_**Rachel**_

I look towards Quinn as she jumps from the floor and to my side. I feel stronger when she is around. I have never been so afraid as when Katie came in earlier, Quinn had been so calm though and when she told me to leave the room I could have cried with relief. I just didn't want to be in the room with any kind of violence again, the fact that Quinn would instantly know that and ask me to leave spoke volumes of how much she cared for me.

"Katie, stop this, stop being this person. I don't even recognise you any-more, I cannot help you like you need to be helped. I think I'm part of the problem, you are always so angry at me and I cannot think of a way to stop the anger. I've done everything you've ever asked of me and it never seems to be enough." I shrug helplessly as Katie drops her gaze to the floor.

She looks up and I can see instantly that she is too far gone now, her eyes are misted over in anger as she glares right through me. "Being with you, it's like trying to get out of a hole in the ground with no hands baby. You make me feel like I am worthless, that I was never good enough for you. I felt like I was constantly being compared with someone, which I guess I was." She points to Quinn and steps closer to me. "But, I can't be without you Rach. I want to be worthy of you, I want to be good enough, if only she was out of the way you would be able to forgive me again" I shift uncomfortably, I do not like the tone of Katie's voice. I know her well enough to know her moods and to know when she is close to cracking and that's what it feels like now.

Before I have time to think of anything else or second guess what Katie's next move will be, Katie has propelled herself at Quinn, I jump back as she throws a punch in Quinn's face. I feel like I should be screaming or crying but all I can think is that it's my fault Quinn is being hurt, she is only here to protect me.

"Katie!" I yell, moving behind Katie as she tries to deliver another blow. I grab her arm and I'm jerked forward as she still tries to bring her hand down. "Stop!" I say urgently as she continues to try and pull on my hand.

Quinn is yelling and moving her body to try and get Katie off her, she catches my eyes and she's telling me with her eyes that she needs Katie off her body in order for her to do anything. I do not even hesitate to throw my body at Katie, feeling her move from Quinn's body as she lands forcefully on the floor with me landing on top of her.

"If you wanted to be on top baby, you just had to ask." She says with a smirk.

I clench my teeth together, as for the first time since I have been with Katie, I feel an irrepressible urge to hit her, the horrible smirk she has on her face makes me what to scream

I slap her hard across the face and I hear the sound of the slap ring out around us, my hand stinging from the impact. She barely winces or moves as she stares at me in shock, but I can't stop myself from doing it again, I feel my shoulders relaxing and a weight drop from my chest with every slap. She isn't even defending herself as I keep slapping her, harder and harder, my rage building.

I can hear Quinn yelling at me to stop but it's foggy. Her voice barely penetrating the haze that my anger has over me, I curl my hands into fists and begin to punch Katie's face now. All I can see in my mind is the first time she punched me or the time she crushed my fingers with her hand so hard that she broke three of my fingers and my punches fall harder and harder, I'm spiralling out of control and I have no idea how to stop myself or even if I want to...

**AN 2 Don't forget to review please and I promise the next chapter will be up soon xx**


	12. Did you ever think?

**AN You guys are seriously so good to me with all your reviews. I have been so busy I haven't replied to you all but I will and to all of you who I can't reply to – a huuuuge thanks to you all too :-) **

**So I watched Sexy and I've got to say I just loved the development of Santana's characters, I was kind of expecting to be disappointed again but I loved I just wished Artie would well, disappear ha ha xx**

**Disclaimer : If I could own anything it would be glee :-)**

_**Quinn**_

I've stood back for long enough, Rachel has been finally getting her anger out but I have to stop her before she goes too far and causes some real damage. I swoop down and scoop Rachel up by her mid-section, her legs kicking out wildly as she struggles wildly to get away from me, yelling and protesting loudly.

"Shhhh Rach, she's had enough ok." I say softly into her ear, feeling her body relax instantly in my arms.

"B-b-but she hurt me so much Quinn." She says in a broken voice a little sob escaping her mouth making my heart clench tightly.

I never thought I could feel even more strongly about Rachel, but with every passing hour, minute and second I spend in her company I feel myself falling, even more madly in love with her.

"I know Rach, god I know, but you need to let it go or you will really end up hurting her and end up in trouble and she really isn't worth it."

Katie has stumbled into a standing position and stares at us with wide, slightly fearful eyes. She looks unsure of herself, clearly not expecting the attack from Rachel. From what I know, from what Rachel has told me, she has never hit back, never even spoke back to her before.

"Rachel, baby." She mumbles out between swollen lips, taking a step towards us again.

"Don't!" Rachel yells loudly stopping Katie in her tracks. "Just leave Katie, please just leave." Rachel spins around in my arms, the sobbing taking over her body.

I look up and catch Katie's eyes, she looks desperate and still so unsure of herself. She glances up at me and her face darkens again. She storms past us and into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her, causing Rachel to jump in my arms.

"It's ok, I think she's going." I whisper to Rachel, unsure whether she can hear me through the sounds of her sobs.

She has just started to hiccup slightly, the worst of her sobs passing when Katie flings open the bedroom door. She has a small bag in her hands as she makes her way to the front door, before she leaves she turns back.

"I'm leaving baby," She says as she runs her eyes over Rachel's body and I can't help but increase my hold on her, trying to keep her away from Katie's eyes. "But I'll be back and I'll prove that you are nothing without me, nothing." She slams the door closed behind her without another glance back.

Rachel's sobs increase when she leaves and I slowly slide to the floor, my arms still around Rachel's body. She adapts to the new position and rubs her head into the crook of my neck, pushing her face against the skin there.

I bite my lips as she continues to cry, albeit it a lot less hysterically now. I have no idea where to go from here. How we move forward or what to say to my little star to make everything better. I just have to hope that my presence is of some comfort to her.

_**Santana**_

I look up as Brittany crawls over my body on the couch, her hair is pulled up into a messy knot at the back of her head. She grins at me as she lays her body onto mine, her curves fitting perfectly against mine.

"Mmmm." She says softly, pressing a kiss under my jaw. "Did you ever think Sanny?" She asks cryptically, I chuckle because this is just typical of my Brit, finishing speaking before actually finishing her question. She will just be expecting me to know what she means.

"I have thought a lot of things B, you're going to have to breaks it down for me." I say, pushing little strands of hair back from her face, my fingers lingering on her face.

"That we'd be like this, like a couple of little married ducks." She says grinning widely at me.

I smile back at her and answer her honestly, "No I didn't dare think I could have this, could have you." I press a kiss to those familiar lips and feel myself getting lost in her lips, until she pulls away, pouting because she wants to continue talking.

"You have always had me Sanny, I've always belonged to you." She has always looked at me like this, like I hold the answers to the worlds questions, but she has it so wrong always has. She holds all the answers I've ever needed.

"You didn't always belong to me though Brits and there was a time where I thought I had pushed you too far, hurt you too much. I still sometimes slip when I'm not thinking." I say thinking of times when I've pulled my hand from hers if people look at us, or times when I've pulled out of an embrace scared of what people will say and how I still haven't told my family that I'm with her.

"Yes Sanny, but you don't mean it and you always say sorry." Brit says softly. "And it never mattered how much you hurt me because even if you weren't sure we would be like this one day I knew we would. Even when I was with Artie I knew we would have our time."

I hate it when she says his name, the thing is no matter if she thought of me when she was with him, she was with him too long. We had always been about not having boyfriends, see I thought we were the same, thought that if one of us was only with a stupid boy for one night or for a party but we still gravitated towards each other it was bearable. I had no idea it was tearing her up and that she would eventually pull away from me. We would still spend time together and make-out but Artie was always the one she went back to and that's when I had to step up, I told her how I felt and I ripped my heart from my chest and handed it over to her. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done and even now I sometimes can't believe I did it. When she said she was staying with Artie I thought I would die from the pain, all the times I had walked away from her at a party to be with someone else or that one time she walked in on me and Puck after he was released from Juvey came rushing back to me and I wondered if this was revenge on her part, she wanted me to feel as badly she had. Then I remembered, this was Brits, she's not capable of that kind of deceit and she would never ever intentionally hurt me, but I still pulled away and walked away from her.

It was the one time I truly distanced myself from Brits, it hurt too much to be near her. I walked the opposite way from her if I saw her approaching, I even stopped going to parties, the thought of seeing Brit with him caused bile to rise in my throat. I was fine until I confessed my feelings, I could go along being so angry and mad at the world and hiding my feelings from everyone especially her, but once they were out there I was raw and for the first time I was broken. The unbreakable Santana Lopez had been broken by Brittany Pierce and I had no idea how to put myself together again. Everyone noticed a difference in me and when I finally heard the rumour that Artie had cheated on Brittany I didn't know if I had enough fight left in me to beat his scrawny ass. I also didn't know if I should do anything, it had been weeks since I spoke to her or even glanced her way and if I had to see her heart breaking over something he did I knew it would break me even more.

Artie found me first as it happened, I was eating lunch in the library hiding from everyone. I hated hiding away from everyone but the pathetic truth was Brittany had really been my only true friend except for Quinn and I had screwed that up too. He had wheeled over to me, holding his hands up when I snarled at him.

"Chill, I just need to clear something up. I never cheated on Brit, she cheated on me."

My eyes widened and I thought my heart couldn't break any-more than it had, but I was mistaken. Brits had cheated on him with someone other than me? Was it another girl or some idiot jock.

"She's been cheating on me since we first started dating, see I don't think it's truly possible to love two people, I think you can love someone and be in love with someone else and unfortunately you sometimes hurt the person you are in love with when you're trying not to hurt the person you love. She's in love with you Santana, always has been and I don't doubt that she always will be. Truth." He finished with a nod of his head and I knew she had told him I was in love with her, it was in the compassion and pity in his eyes and I hated it.

"Whatever wheels, she made her choice and she can stick to it."

I had left the library with such conviction, conviction that I would never look back, I would continue to ignore Brittany until I left high-school then I would get the hell away from this small minded town. What I didn't account for was Brittany herself, lying on my bed half naked when I stormed into my bedroom. The lights low and music playing softly, she had sprinkled rose petals everywhere and was wearing my favourite underwear set.

"This is how I apologise." She had said with a small shrug of her shoulders, those wide blue eyes honest and shining in the low light. "I think I might have broken your heart and in doing that I broke mine too. If you want I can help you fix yours and maybe you can do the same for me?" Brit doesn't always make a lot of sense but that night she made the only sense I needed. Me and her, we were a forever couple.

"That's funny, I apologise in the same way." I had replied without hesitation, pulling my clothes off so fast I nearly pulled a muscle.

When we had apologised to each other numerous times, we lay next to each, sweating and breathing heavily.

"I love you Sanny, I love you and I'm in love with you too. I never knew they were different until Artie told me, but he asked me to close my eyes real tight and imagine my future." She had closed her eyes tight to show me what she did and I chuckled lightly.

"What did you see?"

She had opened her eyes and smiled softly at me, cupping my face with her hands before leaning towards me and kissing me softly. "You, only ever you." She had said in the softest voice.

From that day everything changed, no more random hook-ups and no more denying my feelings for Brit, being with Brit made me want to open up to Quinn too. I apologised and told her I had her back, no more screwing with her and trying to take her spot and I confessed about being in a relationship with B and she was so thrilled I knew I'd made the right choice in making up with her. The only thing I had never managed to do was tell my parents, I'm not sure how they'll take it, but I do know that I will eventually have to tell them because Brittany is my forever and they'll probably want to come to know when I get married and shit.

_**Rachel**_

She's gone, I cannot believe it. Maybe all she had ever needed was for me to stand up to her, to hit back. I didn't mean to loose it like I had, I didn't even know I had it in me but something snapped and all of the mental and physical abuse I had suffered from just bubbled over inside of me, until all I could do was hit her.

I move slightly, to snuggle further into Quinn's side as she wraps an arm around me and slowly strokes a finger down my back, she has been amazing. Since Katie walked out she has been so gentle with me, arranging for someone to come and change my locks and agreeing to stay with me until I feel calmer, the thing is I keep expecting Katie to just show back up. She has never walked away before and that is what makes this even more shocking.

"What are you thinking about?" Quinn asks softly.

"I just keep thinking that I can't believe she actually left" As I say it, I feel Quinn tense beneath me. "No, no, I'm glad she has gone I just still can't help but think that any minutes she's going to burst back through the door and do something stupid."

"Firstly, thank god you aren't regretting any of this and secondly the chain is on the door so no way is she getting in and thirdly but most importantly I'm here and I won't let her hurt you ever again, I promise." She says it with so much conviction I believe her instantly, but she still hasn't seen Katie at her worst and I fear for the day she ever gets to see it.

"What about when you leave though Quinn, you have your own life and I know that."

She moves slightly causing me to sit up, she turns to face me confusion in those hazel eyes.

"You are part of my life now Rach, I thought you realised that. I don't have to leave."

"What? You mean move in?" I ask shocked, moving in together is way too much too soon. My head is still so messed up over Katie and whilst I already know I care so much about Quinn, I don't know if we can make it work yet, I just know I want to try, eventually.

"Of course not Rach, christ you'll think I'm proposing next" She exclaims laughing lightly. "I mean stay in a spare room or on the couch for a while, at least until the locks are changed and things have calmed down." She shrugs but looks optimistic that I'll accept the offer.

"You wouldn't mind?" I question, hating to think that I could be dragging her away from her apartment.

"I wouldn't offer if I wasn't sure or if I minded Rach." She offers me a small smile and leans towards me hesitantly, looking unsure as to whether to kiss me or not.

I take matters into my own hands and reach up and bring her lips to mine, I want to take things slow, to really make sure we are both sure about this. But, when her lips touch mine all my thoughts and feelings are just focussed on Quinn, on how perfect things are when she's with me and how her lips feel against mine, like we were made for each other.

Before I can even stop myself, I'm lying on top of her, her hands running slowly through my hair as our lips move together. I need to feel her, feel some connection to her so I move my hands down her body and to the hem of her top. She moans as my fingers connect with her stomach and I can't help but think that it's the most erotic thing I've ever heard. She pulls back from my lips, breathless and panting as she stares at my face intently, as my fingers continue to move over her torso, dipping behind her back and then back up again.

She pushes her forehead against mine as she struggles to catch her breath, "Rach you can't do that." She breathes out as her back arches and she pushes her body further into mine.

"I think you like it." I say back as she moans again when my finger strays beneath the hem of her top.

"I do like it, fuck I love it." She manages to get out and I smirk down at her, she is so hot when she curses and it does something to me, sending waves of heat right down to between my thighs. "But if you start this I swear I am going to finish it little star and I think it might ruin what we might have between us."

I sigh when she says this because she's right, if I let this go too far I'll feel guilty and like a bad person and it will cause me to pull away from her. She surprises me by rolling out from underneath me jumping up, holding her hand out to me with an over exaggerated wink.

"Come on little star, I'm going to cook for you and we can watch some movies and you know, just be generally normal for a little while."

That sounds perfect to me right now, time with Quinn being normal is just what the doctor ordered.

"I cannot move, you cannot make me." I grumble out from the couch, I'm lying on my back with my arms around my waist, Quinn managed to make a feast with little bits of nothing I had in my cupboards. I was so stuffed I felt like if I moved I might actually throw up. She wants me to move so can sit with me to watch the movie but I am so comfortable I don't want to move a single muscle.

"Fine." She says with a roll of her eyes and I widen mine as she approaches me and crawls over my body until she is lying behind me, propped up on her elbow so she can see the film. She slips her free hand around my waist, drawing little shapes on my stomach with the soft pad of her fingers.

"That's nice." I say snuggling back into her embrace.

Throughout the film, all I can think of is Quinn's fingers and what they are doing to my body, my whole body is just humming from her being so close to me and the way she is touching me. The touches are always so feather-light it feels like she is barely touching me at all but I know by the heat I can feel all over my body that those fingers are indeed on me. She has drawn shapes, hearts and names all over my stomach with those magical fingers of hers.

As the credits start to roll I realise her hand is still on my stomach but it's motionless, I tilt my head back and smile at the sight of her asleep, her mouth open slightly as she snores lightly. She looks so beautiful and I feel my heart clench in my chest at the sight of her.

As if she senses that I'm staring at her, her eyelids flutter and open slowly, blinking rapidly as she yawns loudly.

"Hey." I whisper softly.

"Hey yourself." She replies, with a small kiss on my nose.

I reluctantly drag myself from her embrace before pulling myself from the couch and over to the front door and double checking that the door is definitely locked before turning off all of my electrical appliances and finally going back to Quinn, who is now standing by the couch.

I take her over to the spare room and show her where the towels are before I lead her to my room to find her something to wear to bed.

"This is all I have." I say handing her a pair of very short shorts and a vest.

She looks at the shorts and swallows loudly. "Is this what you wear to bed?" She asks.

"Yes." I say and smile when she swallows thickly again.

"It's going to be really hard taking this slowly." She says with a smile before turning to leave.

My heart jumps as she turns away and I step forward and catch her arm in mine before she can move.

"Stay?" I ask.

"I am staying." She answers frowning at me.

"I mean stay here, in here, with me please." I plead, I cannot bare to be alone tonight.

She looks at me quizzically before her features even out and she smiles a breathtaking smile at me before walking over to the door. I think she's leaving but she shuts the door and turns back to me.

"Okay." She says before walking back towards me a sexy little smirk on her face.

**AN 2 : Review guys – they seriously make my day :-) xx**


	13. Changes

**AN : Once again you are all so lovely with your reviews, thank you so much. I know I'm no writer so the fact that you take the time to let me know what you think just makes my day – so thanks again (special thanks to lamb-13 for all of the reviews you gave) :-)**

**This one has taken longer to get up than I planned for two reasons, it's my longest chapter yet and I have been ill with a stomach bug, I'm starting to feel a little better but I must apologise if this isn't great :-)**

**Also – BeffyBeth good luck with the Brittana story and let me know when you post it :-) **

**Disclaimer – Can you even believe that 13 chapters in I still own nothing! Lol xx**

_**Quinn**_

Rachel comes out of the bathroom and I think my pulse has just doubled it's rate. The shorts barely cover her backside as she walks past me slowly, knowing that my eyes on her she moves with a little more purpose and it's driving me insane. The tank top she has on has a large star on the front, stretching slightly over her breasts which make me think she has had it for a while. I catch a glimpse of her tan stomach as she moves towards her bed.

"Are you getting ready?" She says softly smirking at me as I continue to follow her around the room with my eyes.

I shake my head slightly as I try to pull my jumbled thoughts together. I nod slowly and go and change in the bathroom. When I re-enter Rachel's bedroom she is already sitting on the side of the bed waiting for me.

She smiles at me and allows her eyes to roam over my body, I feel myself blush over the intensity of her stare. Her big brown eyes seemingly stare right through me. She closes her eyes briefly and licks her lips slowly before re-opening her eyes and connecting them with mine. Her pupils are dilated and I can see her swallowing thickly, she is turned on and so am I, it's hard not to be when I'm around Rachel.

I move towards her slowly before stopping in front of her. I only want to go as fast as she wants to, I want her to be completely comfortable. The air around us is electric with sexual tension, and I am almost beginning to think Rachel is never going to move when she lifts her hands up. I watch, my heart rate speeding up as her hands, shaking slightly, connect with my hips. She tilts her head up and smiles softly at me, moving her hands up my sides and back down, before circling them around slightly and repeating the action. These touches are so innocent but my body feels like it's on fire, she pulls me towards her slightly and leans forward pressing a soft but firm kiss onto my stomach, causing my breath to catch in my throat.

She pulls away from me and climbs into the bed, letting me catch a glimpse of her perfect ass as she does so. She turns around, bites her lip nervously as she signals for me to join her. I take a deep breath and follow her, sliding in beside her. She rests her hand on the curve of my hip and starts to move it again gently, she trails her fingers underneath my tank top slightly as she continues to simply touch me. I don't touch her, allowing her to grow as comfortable as possible with me. She presses her forehead against mine and I can hear that she is as tuned on as me, by the short sharp burst of breaths coming out of her.

"You are so beautiful." I whisper out softly, finally touching her. My fingers trailing down her jaw as she continues to stare into my eyes, just needing to touch her soft skin.

"I was going to say the same thing." She says softly before kissing me once.

She moves back slowly, her fingers have continued to burn a trail of fire up my side and are now residing on my neck.

"I just, I can't yet." She says looking down, but I'm quick and my hand is underneath her chin, tilting her head up towards me.

"You are the only one I want Rachel and I can and will wait for you, so until you're ready we will just do whatever your comfortable with."

I see my first glimpse of the Rachel Berry I used to know as she gives me a thousand watt Rachel smile, her eyes crinkling at the edges and her nose scrunching up adorably.

"You are just perfect aren't you?" She asks softly, still smiling.

"I never used to be, but I'm trying Rach. I've been trying for so long." I say earnestly.

"You're succeeding Quinn, trust me on that." She says before kissing me again, she pulls back and grins widely again. "This," She says nodding at me, "This, I am more than comfortable with."

I smile back and press my lips against hers, the kiss turning passionate in seconds. I have spent years wondering what it would be like having Rachel in my arms, just like this, maybe not under these circumstance, but lying with her like this in her bed is more perfect than I ever thought possible.

Its been just over a week since Katie left and I haven't left Rachel's side. During the days we have been keeping busy and she seems to be pushing everything from her mind as we work hard getting set ideas together and auditioning for the rest of the parts in the play. It seems that as long as she's busy she's fine but in the moments when she has time to think I can see it instantly, thoughts of Katie clouding her face and making her hands tremble, the effect that Katie has had on her I fear will last for such a long time.

We have shared kisses and roaming hands but always manage to stop ourselves from going too far, I am determined not to ruin what we have by pushing her too far, no matter how much she can turn me on with just a single glance.

The locks were changed in the apartment yesterday and I had assumed Rachel would want me to go back to my apartment, but when she had walked in on me gathering the few things I had brought over she looked panicked, asking me why I was leaving, what had she done. I explained that I didn't want to leave her but I thought she would want me too now the apartment is safe, but she had shook her head and said she couldn't sleep unless I was there with her.

The truth is though, she is barely sleeping even though I am there. She falls asleep within seconds due to how busy she has kept herself during the day, but just an hour or two later she is thrashing about wildly, calling out fearfully. She has nightmares about Katie coming back and about what she will do to her and to me if she ever manages to get either of us alone. It's strange but I almost think that Rachel would feel calmer if she had heard from Katie, if she knew what was going through her ex-girlfriends head, but she had been silent, no-one had heard anything from her and that was freaking Rach out even more than it would have if she had been hounding her with calls and texts.

Santana has actually been pretty amazing, she has this ability to take Rachel's mind off everything, seeming to know what conversation to bring up and when. Her and Brittany have become a constant feature at Rachel's place. Brittany has also been brilliant, whenever Rachel's face clouds over she suggests rehearsing, Rachel always agrees and jumps up eagerly always eager to take her mind off things. It worries me just how eager she is to act out this other life more than live her own and I know they are only trying to make her feel better but a part of me thinks that Rachel needs to think about everything, she needs to process things and to heal but while she's pushing thoughts of Katie from her head she won't be able to do that.

"Come on Rachy eat something pleeeaase." I'm brought back to Brittany and Rachel sitting at the breakfast bar in Rachel's kitchen, I have some meetings today and I'm unwilling to leave Rachel alone. So Brittany had offered to take her down to the community centre with her for the day, so she has come over to have breakfast with us, bringing muffins and bagels with her.

"I don't eat on the mornings Brit." Rachel says in the dull tone of voice I had gotten so used to lately, I hate it though, I hate that it's like all the life has been sucked from her body.

She is lying, she hardly ever eats at all, morning, noon or night she has an excuse. She is managing on barely anything all day and then having some fruit when the hunger grows too much. I hate to see her like this, she's wasting away and I feel like I can't stop it. I thought that it would be easy after Katie left, that once she was gone Rachel would instantly be back to normal, I mean I knew she would still be upset and nervous but I didn't imagine her shrinking away from me and shutting me out.

"Rachel." I say softly, waiting until I have her eyes on me. "Eat" I say firmly. I am hoping by sheer force of will I can get her to eat something.

"I will not be told what to do." Rachel snaps, jumping up from her stool and storming away to her bedroom.

Brittany looks at me sadly with a small smile. "Will she be ok Q, she looks so sad."

"I don't know B, I have no idea what to do."

"Just what you're doing Q, you have to give her time."

I smile and nod at Brittany reaching over her to grab a toasted bagel, I make my way to Rachel's room. Opening the door slowly I see Rachel sitting on the edge of her bed staring at the door I have just opened as if she has been expecting me to come through it.

"Am I that predictable?"

"No not at all, I was just getting up the nerve to come out to apologise. I'm really sorry Quinn, I have been a complete bitch the past few days and I keep waiting for you to get fed up and leave me or tell me to get over myself." She says with a small shrug of her shoulders and a sad expression on her face.

"Don't be silly Rach, I won't ever get fed up of you I can promise you that." I make my way over to her and sink down next to her on the bed. "I'm just scared for you that's all. I see you pulling away from me and not eating and struggling to sleep and I don't know whether me being here is helping you or hindering you."

She places her hand on-top of my hand, squeezing tightly. "I will never be able to tell you how much you being here is helping me, I'm sorry it doesn't seem that way. I want to open up to you but I'm so used to keeping everything bottled up I'm really struggling." I can hear the pain in her voice as she explains herself to me.

"I think, that maybe you should speak to someone, someone who isn't me. Like a professional." I suggest softly.

She is shaking her head before I'm even finished speaking. I know how she feels about speaking about her experiences full stop. But she has also told me that when she was younger she used to see some-one and they did nothing for her, seeming to ignore all the important things she told them and focussing solely on the inane things she would say, never really helping her.

"I don't need to Quinn, I just need time to process everything." She turns to me and smiles softly, cupping my cheek in her hand, leaning forward and pressing her lips to mine, causing the usual butterflies to burst into life in my stomach. "Just bare with me please?" She asks softly, before kissing me again, when she pulls away I nod and smile.

"Will you have this though please Rach?" I ask her softly, holding out the toasted bagel.

She laughs softly and takes it from me taking a small bite out of it and raising her eyebrows at me, silently asking me if she's proved her point.

"Ok, ok, I get the hint, I'll leave you alone to get ready." I say giving her another kiss before leaving her alone in her bedroom.

_**Rachel**_

As soon as Quinn shuts the door behind her I lean over to the bin and throw the bagel away. It's not like I'm starving myself, it's really not. I just can't eat in the morning, I always feel sick if I do. However, recently I have started feeling sick all of the time so I am not sure whether eating makes it any worse or not, but I don't want to tempt fate.

I feel awful every-time I snap at Quinn, but I can't seem to stop myself from doing so. She is proving herself everyday, showing me I can trust her and how much she cares. Sometimes I can see the guilt from how she used to treat me radiating from her and I have to reassure her once again that I have forgiven her, I may not have totally forgotten how she used to treat me, Santana too for that matter but I had grown up enough to forgive them both.

Santana was proving to be quite the surprise too, she still called me Berry and I have caught her going to call me Ru-Paul and Man-hands once or twice but Quinn had made it clear she wouldn't be welcome here. But she has an uncanny ability to take my mind off things, she is proving to be someone I could eventually call a friend.

I watch Brittany as she dances, three different styles of dance for three different classes so far today. She teaches classes for free when she isn't off on tour or working on any shows, she is amazingly patient and kind when she does so. I knew she was in New York as I had heard her name mentioned along with great praise, I always knew she would become a dancer but I had no idea how much of a talented choreographer she would become. I have also seen her name mentioned at the end of music videos and I knew she had been on tour with some major names, not that you would know it looking at her now. She seems in her element showing the children all of the different moves that I find it hard to connect the two people.

I have been sitting at the edge of the room all day just watching, taking in how effortless it is for Brit. The children all seem to love her and it's great watching her work her magic, I was finding it very relaxing.

"Amazing isn't she?"

I jump slightly startled by the voice by my side, I turn my head and smile at Santana nodding my head once.

"I sometimes get so caught up in my own work and life I forget that she has this much talent, can you believe that? That I could forget something so fucking magical."

I stare curiously at Santana because she really is a conundrum to me, she is so prickly and hard to get to know. Yet, get her talking about Brit and she just opens herself up. It's like stripping back the layers of someone and truly getting to see what is underneath the hard surface.

"I think we are all guilty in getting caught up in day-to-day life Santana." I say softly, trying in my own way to reassure her.

"Fuck Berry I know that, that's why I come here. I slip away from work and I come and watch her, sometimes just for ten minutes and every fucking time I'm amazed." She glances at me and see that I'm staring at her wide-eyed. "What? Why are you looking at me like that? Stunned to be in the same company as someone as beautiful as me" She says with a wink and a shrug of her shoulders.

"No, I just, you just. Well, you confuse the heck out of me Santana." I say finally.

She leans back in her seat and raises her perfectly sculptured brows at me to continue.

"I often find that you can be quite cold and not very friendly. Yet, when Brittany is around you change completely. Why is that?" I ask rather boldly on my part. I am opening myself to be ridiculed for even daring to ask Santana a question.

She does the one thing I'm not expecting and chuckles softly before wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me into her side.

"Oh Berry, never fucking change." She chuckles again at my shocked expression. "You need to chill out Berry you really do. I won't hurt you." She says a little more sombrely and I nod and relax slightly in her embrace.

"Brit, she is the one person I have ever felt comfortable with. She accepts me for who I am without any questions and she is the only person who ever has. Brit has never made me change, but simply waited around for me to do so, like she knew it was coming and she just had to wait for it. Don't think I don't know how I come across, but I always felt like I needed to because I knew I was different way before I was willing to admit it. But you know how it was in Lima, I was such a fucking pussy though and I was so jealous of you back then Berry."

I'm confused then. "In what way?" I ask.

"Because you were the brave one, you were the one who stood up in front of everyone, being exactly who you were and told people to love you or hate you but you weren't going to change. I wanted to be like you and be brave back then but I couldn't I was so scared of someone, anyone discovering who I was and watching the control I had spent so long building up slip away."

"You may have thought I was being brave Santana but it was so hard to be me. I actually think it was just as hard for me to be myself as it was for you to pretend to be someone else." I admit honestly.

She nods thoughtfully, her eyes never leaving Brit as she continues to move around the room.

"How's Q?"

"She's been brilliant, even when I'm snapping at her and taking my bad mood out on her she is just so brilliant with me."

Santana narrows her eyes as she frowns at me. "Why you snapping at Q? She hasn't done anything wrong Berry."

I just roll my eyes knowing that she won't understand anything, even if I was to try and explain it to her.

_**Santana**_

Oh no she didn't! Midget Berry did not just roll her eyes at me, me? If she wasn't so freaking fragile and totally off limits I would be slapping her around her head right now.

"Why the eye roll little miss irritating?" I snarl.

She rolls her eyes again, something she is going to have to stop if she doesn't want to lose them.

"I am just not entirely comfortable sitting here, with you of all people discussing the reasons I am the way I am."

"Jeez Berry a simple fuck off and stop asking me questions would have done. No need to add all the shiz in-between." I snort when Rachel's eyes widen and she gets an indignant look on her face.

"Listen up short stack because I ain't about to repeat myself, Quinn, she's special ok and don't you fucking dare repeat any shit I'm about to spill ok?" I question the diva, staring at her until she nods.

"She was fucking mean to you in high-school ok but she was fucking terrified and when I say I was afraid of my feelings back then, trust me when I say I had nothing on Fabray. The girl worked fucking hard to win back her mothers trust when she moved back home, she re-joined the celibacy club and cheerios, started dating Sam and even started being nice to you. When you kissed her she freaked the hell out, her mother is just as big of a religious freak as her father was, so the possibility of admitting that she liked you back? Well, it wasn't a possibility for her. She took her repressed feelings out on you and it was wrong, she will be the first to admit it and beg for your forgiveness, but look at everything I put Brits through and look at where we are now."

Quinn better fucking appreciate this because I never go out of my way to make anyone see Quinn a certain way, but I just want Rachel to at least give her chance.

"Santana, I appreciate you saying all of this and it is duly noted but Quinn's past treatment of me is not the reason I am snapping at her. I just have a lot of emotions running around inside of me right now and I really don't know how to handle them. Quinn is brilliant but very..." She trails off, and I can see her mind working overtime trying to work out a way to say what she wants to say.

"Irritating?" I offer smiling when she shakes her head and slaps my arm lightly. "Hot?" I offer again only for Rachel to shake her head and then stop.

"Well, yes of course she is but that's not what I mean. She is very smothering and whilst I found it very adorable to begin with, I just, sometimes, I just have to remind her I am an adult." She sighs and puts her hands through her hair, looking exhausted. I feel for her I really do, I never thought I would say this but Berry's ok, she still talks way too much but she's ok.

"She just cares about you Berry, but I know how she can be. Why don't I tell her to come back home tonight?" I offer.

"No, no, I love having her with me and to be honest I don't think I could sleep at all if she wasn't there I just, I guess I got so used to having someone who didn't care about me, or what I was thinking or feeling."

It's the first time Rachel has mentioned her life with Katie and I wonder if she wants to open up. Quinn had told me that she was having a hard time getting Rachel to talk to her about anything. I wonder if I can do any better.

"How was she when you first got together?" I ask her softly, leaning back against the wall, watching Rachel do the same out of the corner of my eye.

"She was everything I had ever wanted and more, she swept me off my feet and I wasn't expecting it. I had never been treated like that before and it was overwhelming." She looks at her hands as she speaks, her voice almost wistful.

"Is that why you went back?"

"Partly and as pathetic as it makes me look to say this, it was partly because I was scared I wouldn't meet anyone else again. I know how much hard work I can be and I know it's not easy to be with me. I just kept hoping if I changed myself enough it would make her stop and she wouldn't find anything else to snap at me for."

"It doesn't make you look pathetic Berry, everyone wants to be loved, whether they are brave enough to admit it or not. But you can't make someone like that change, she needs to want to change."

Rachel nods slowly and brings her knees up under her chin, she turns her head slightly, her bloodshot eyes catching and holding mine. "Why wasn't I enough for her to want to change Santana?" She whispers out and I could kick myself. She looks broken and before I know what is happening. Brittany has swooped in and has Rachel in her arms, holding her close and moving her from side to side in a soothing motion.

I look up and realise the room is empty and wonder when that happened, I didn't even hear the class leaving or anyone leaving.

"You are enough Rachy, for the right person you are more than enough." Brittany pulls back and holds Rachel at arms length, waiting for Rachel to look up before she continues. "If someone loves you enough they would want to do anything, including changing to be with you. Katie didn't love you enough but look at how much Quinn has changed. She has changed the way she used to be, in the hope that if you were ever in her life again you could depend on her. She won't rush you into anything but she wants to be there for you. She wants you in her life in whatever way you want and she won't ever hurt you."

Rachel looks at Brittany, with tears in her eyes and I smile broadly at Brittany. She has always been able to do this, render people speechless with her insight.

"Maybe Katie was just never your Sanny you know?" She asks smiling at me.

Rachel laughs lightly and shakes her head. "My Sanny?"

"Yes, you see Sanny is the only one I can see myself with and she always says I'm her forever, I don't think Katie was your forever was she?"

"I-I don't know." Rachel stutters slightly, frowning and I can almost see her mind running away with her to see if she can remember ever feeling if Katie was for forever.

"Oh yay, this is easy I can show you how to know." Brittany says grinning and jumping up and down excitedly as she pushes Rachel back onto the seats. As Rachel lands on the seat Brittany jumps into her lap.

"B!" I say, surprised and concerned.

She looks at me with a confused expression on her face. "I have to do it this way Sanny, no need to be jealous." She says placing her hands over Rachel's eyes and leaning close to her face. "You have to let your mind go blank which was real easy for me to do."

I have a bad feeling about this and I watch as Rachel starts to move around beneath Brittany looking uncomfortable. She is pulling back from Brittany, who is simply pushing herself further into Rachel.

"Brit, please can you..." She trails off when Brittany jumps in.

"Shhh Rachy, I'm trying to show you who your forever is." She smiles at me and frowns when she sees me shaking my head at her.

I step closer to Brittany and pull her hands away from Rachel's face. "Babe, Rach is practically hyperventilating." I say softly.

Brittany looks down and gasps at Rachel's expression, she is wide eyed and looks terrified. Her breath is coming out in short bursts as she continues to struggle under Brittany's weight. Brittany quickly shuffles backwards off Rachel's lap and I move forward and put my hand on her shoulder.

"Head down between your knee's Berry, breathe deep and calm the fuck down I do not want to explain to Q why you passed out on my ass." I say continuing to rub Rachel's shoulder as she follows my instructions.

"I'm real sorry Rachy, I, I don't know what I was thinking." Brittany says in a panicked voice.

I smile reassuringly at my girlfriend and link my free hand with one of Brittany's, I pull her close to me and kiss her on the cheek to make her feel better.

Eventually Rachel has calmed down enough to also reassure Brittany that she wasn't to know.

"I just, I couldn't breathe and I panicked and your weight was stopping me from moving and I just, I'm sorry Brit I totally overreacted."

"Rach, you don't have to apologise. Brit didn't realise but she will from now on won't you?" I say nodding at Brittany who nods enthusiastically and pats Rachel on her head twice, causing Rachel to smile indulgently at her.

"Now, close your eyes." Brittany says sitting down on the floor in front of Rachel, I'm about to protest and tell her to give Rachel a few minutes to compose herself but Rachel closes her eyes instantly and nods at Brittany to continue.

"Good, now when you think of the future, you know, way, way down the line, is Katie there?" She asks glancing at me and smiling the smile she reserves just for me and that makes me feel so special.

I move my head to the side and look at Rachel as she smiles softly, whatever she can see makes her happy.

"Well Berry?" I ask softly.

"It's not Katie I see." She says opening her eyes slowly, a smirk taking over her features as well as a tell tale blush.

I laugh and smack Brittany's arm.

"Ow Sanny." Brittany says in a hurt tone of voice.

"Aw sorry B" I say kissing her temple before looking back at Rachel with a knowing grin on my face. "I just got a little over excited because Berry here was looking to the future and by the smirk on her face I think she was seeing her and Quinn getting busy." I laugh harder as her blush increases.

"She is so cute isn't she Sanny?" Brit says looping her arm around my shoulder.

"Yes Brit, cute but with a filthy mind too." I add with another burst of laughter.

"Just like you." Brittany adds starting to laugh as-well.

Eventually Rachel can't keep her scowl up any longer and starts laughing too and I can't help but hope with everything I have that this could be the start of Rachel maybe putting the past behind her or at least beginning to realise that she has something to look forward to now and she can speak to us if she is struggling with anything, I just hope we don't have to deal with a re-appearance of Katie attempting to get back into Rachel's life.

**AN 2 - I hope this is ok, I'm going to have an early night now and hope I'll start to feel better soon = don't forget to review :-) xx**


	14. What's fair to me?

**AN A huge drop in reviews for last chapter so I lost a little motivation in getting this one started, I think I got spoiled by previous chapters ha! That being said a very big thank you to those who did review, I do love you all :-)**

**I hope you all like this one as it took me a while to get it together as it didn't seem to read right for ages, I've tweaked it as much as I can so I hope it's ok. xx**

**Disclaimer : I obviously still own nothing :-( xx**

"Seriously Q, you better get your girlfriend to stop touching my woman!" Santana fumes next to me.

I don't know why she's here at all, I have been toying with the idea of making the rehearsals closed and I think I might have to. Everyday this week Santana has been here putting her two cents in whenever she can. I mean I love her, she's my girl but I am just about at breaking point.

Rachel and Brittany are doing one of the more intimate scenes in the play and all week Santana has had something to say. I am mesmerized by the two girls though, they need hardly any direction at all slipping so effortlessly into their roles that I instantly forget who they are and I can separate my emotions when it comes to a scene like this. Santana can't separate it and I don't know why she can't but she's really starting to piss me off.

"San for the hundredth time it's not Rachel touching Brittany it's Sam touching Jess, you need to sort yourself out or I'm banning you from coming here when they're rehearsing and also Rachel is not my girlfriend." I say without taking my eyes away from the stage.

Rachel has Brittany up against a partition wall which will eventually be the wall in her bedroom, she is kissing her roughly while simulating having sex with her. It's one of the few risque scenes in the play and it has to be right. It has to veer on the shocking but still stay within the characters and not be too offensive to the audience. Sam is angry, she is still struggling with her feelings for Jess so she 'fucks' her, saying to herself it doesn't mean as much because it isn't making love, but that level of denial will all change eventually.

"What-the fuck-ever Fabray, you kiss each other, you sleep with each other and you won't let me call her any of my usual nicknames, not way is she not your girlfriend." Santana says with a raise of her eyebrows.

I roll my eyes and drag my eyes away from the two girls on stage to give Santana a hard stare. "Leave it San"

"No Q, you leave it, leave it out if you think I'm gonna believe that you two aren't together."

"We aren't." I say miserably with a shrug of my shoulders. "She's not ready and I'm not going to push her."

The truth is it's killing me, I am falling more and more in love with Rachel everyday but if anything she seems to be more and more indifferent towards me. Small pecks are all I get now, the only time she shows any affection towards me is when we are in bed at night. Her fingers roam freely over my body and she ghosts her lips over mine so lightly that when I wake up in the morning I struggle to separate real life from the dreams I have that are filled with Rachel and her touches.

"I'm going to say this Q and you're gonna want to slap me but well I'll more than likely smack you right back and what I'm going to say is coming from a good place ok? You have to do something about this thing between you and Rach, I know she;s hurting but I don't think it's fair what she is doing to you. Yeah she's hurting but it's like she's using you when she's feeling really down and lonely."

I go to protest but I can't, the words freeze in my throat, because she's right. I am in love with Rachel but I have to face facts now that it's one sided, she cares for me but she turns to me at night out of habit and that is the reason she hasn't asked me to leave yet. That and she still has nightmares about Katie coming back, which has only increased since Katie had started trying to get back in touch with her.

I sigh and Santana smiles sadly at me before narrowing her eyes towards the stage again as Rachel cups Brittany's ass in her hands as she whispers that she needs to go so she can wash away any trace of her.

"While you talk to her, you could maybe drop into the conversation that I am very protective of my Brits and she needs to look a little less excited when she touches my girl, got it?" Santana says, signalling that she's giving me an out. She knows I hate being overly emotional in front of her, so she's changing the subject.

"Will do." I say before moving my attention to Rachel and Brittany.

"That was great, but Rach, I think you need to touch Brit a little more, like maybe palm her boob or something?" I suggest loudly, wincing in pain slightly as Santana digs her heel into my foot.

Brittany cheers and nods. "That sounds good to me Quinny, I totally love making out with Rach because when I get home Sanny likes to claim me don't you babe?" Brittany says grinning at Santana who to my total surprise blushes and looks away muttering about getting her girlfriend a muzzle.

Rachel makes her way towards me, a bottle of water in her hands and a smile on her face. She stops next to me and reaches to grab her bag from underneath my seat before standing and taking a long gulp of her water. I don't take my eyes from her the entire time, every-time she is within eye-shot of me she has my undivided attention. She smiles softly at me and tilts her head to the side waiting for me to speak. The main thing that has changed about her that I still struggle with is her lack of talking, it's not that she never speaks it's just she seems to think carefully before she says anything now.

I had thought that as the weeks went on I would start seeing a return of the Rachel I knew but she has all but vanished. When we are alone in her apartment the conversation is stilted, I watch her closely as she drinks glass after glass of wine and slowly feel myself relaxing as she takes the wine to her room, so I don't have to push her into conversation. When I join her hours later, it's like she has been waiting for me, her body twisting itself around mine instantly. She always says she's glad I'm there as she presses her lips to mine, I let her do what she wants, ignoring that the pungent smell of alcohol on her makes me shudder slightly. She doesn't let me touch her, pushing my hands away as she moves her fingers over my breasts and ribs, stopping just above where I need her the most but she always stops before going too far with a clumsy kiss on my lips before rolling over and falling asleep miles from me, not physically but emotionally. Then the next morning the same routine starts all over again, silence from Rachel as we go about our day to day lives. We never leave each others sides but for all other purposes we might as well be living totally separate lives. I'm just exhausted now, I feel sick every night when she rolls away from me as I feel used and alone and like she wouldn't notice whether it was me or some other random body lying next to her.

"Are you ready?" She finally asks me when she realises I am not going to speak.

"Yeah, I'll follow you out ok?" I say softly with a sigh.

She frowns but nods before saying goodbye to Santana and Brittany and heading towards the exit. I watch her go and sigh once again.

"I'm crazy about her San." I say before swallowing thickly. "Which is why I'm coming back to the apartment tonight, I can't do this any-more I wish I was strong enough to wait for her to sort everything out, but she needs a friend right now and I can't pretend I don't want more than that" She nods at me before surprising me again with a firm hug.

When I pull away I'm immediately pulled out of my seat and into the arms of Brittany who hugs me even close than San did.

"She loves you too, she just doesn't know it yet." Brittany whispers into my ear. I swallow my tears as I nod my head, hoping that Brittany is right.

-#-

Ricky grins broadly as we approach him, he has become a firm friend and the love he has for Rachel is evident, he seems to approve of me and always tells me how happy he is that Katie is gone and I'm there for Rachel, but even he has noticed a change in Rachel. He confessed to me that he is afraid that Katie has scared away any of Rachel's old passion for life. I had tried so hard to reassure him but he had just ended up looking at me, the saddest most heartbreaking expression on his face, it was clear that he could see through my lies as much as I wished that he couldn't.

"Ah my little star and her golden angel." He booms out enveloping us both in a hug, his huge arms wrapping around us easily.

I chuckle lightly, he keeps call me her golden angel even though I keep asking him not too, but no matter what I say he continues on regardless.

He walks with us to the elevator, an arm thrown over each of our shoulders as he asks about the play and how the set is coming along. I love how interested he is and I make a mental note to once again make sure he has tickets for him and his family for the opening night.

The ride up to the apartment is tense and I know Rachel is aware that something is going on with me, she keeps glancing to me anxiously, chewing on her bottom lip in a nervous gesture. I try to keep my eyes off her, but they stray towards her anyway, my heart rate speeding up with any little movement she makes.

"Quinn..." She starts as I make my way to the second bedroom where I have been leaving my things, not wanting to clutter up her room.

I stop moving, my head drooping slightly as I summon up the nerve to speak.

"I can't do this any-more Rachel." I say, my voice cracking slightly.

"Do what? I thought we were ok?" She says, confusion clear in her voice.

I turn towards her and smile softly, her face says it all, she has no idea of the internal battle that has been going through my mind and in my heart for the past few weeks as she been pulling away from me. That somehow makes it even worse, that she has no idea of how she has been acting or treating me.

"Rachel, come here." I say moving towards the couch and signalling for her to follow me. She nods, but then makes her way to the kitchen to pour herself a large glass of wine. I grit my teeth and force myself to stay silent as she takes a large gulp and swiftly fills her glass again before making her way towards me.

She sits close to me, but still with a large distance between us. It's like there is an invisible barrier between us. She sits with her back straight as she continues to take large swallows of wine.

The silence stretches between us before her voice breaks through it. "What have I done wrong?" She asks in such a small voice that my heart just about breaks in two, it would be so easy to back down and tell her it's nothing, but I can't keep doing this, being so close to her but have her pull further away from me everyday. It is making me sick to my stomach. I am very aware of the fact that we have to work together and I can't risk letting us continue on and it affecting our working relationship.

"You have done nothing wrong, this is all on me. I should have left weeks ago instead of staying here, it's just, it was, I mean I was being selfish, sharing a bed with you and waking up with you is something I have always dreamed of. Kissing you and holding you was becoming the highlight of my day and even now I keep thinking I'm imagining the distance that is between us and even though I know it's real, every single day I find something new to love about you, every day I am more and more convinced that I will never find anyone to live up to you." I am spilling my heart out and it makes me very uncomfortable but I need her to understand that it's me who wants more than she can give me right now and that's a problem with me, not her. The problem that lies with her is how she has been treating me at night.

"Then, what's the problem?" She asks softly, she puts down the wine and takes my hands in hers. I quickly remove them, smiling at her apologetically.

"Sorry, if you're touching me then there's no way I can do this." I explain. "The problem is, that, when you leave the room it's like there's a hole in my chest until you return. If I wake up in the night and you aren't in my arms my heart actually skips a beat until I know you're safe." Again, she looks confused as to why all of this is a bad thing. "But, I know that you don't feel the same Rach, which is fine, well obviously it's not fine for me, but I understand why you don't. You still have so much to process and I know you like my company but it's, well it's killing me being with you but not with you." I finally look into her eyes, imploring her with my own to understand what I'm saying, that I love her but I can't stay when she doesn't love me back.

She shakes her head and reaches for my hands again but once more I evade her touch, she still looks confused and now she looks upset.

"Quinn I can assure you that I more than like your company, as for being together but not 'together' I simply assumed that we were progressing forward at a slow but comfortable rate. We kiss and well I know I have been a little distant lately but I thought that was better for you." She says, a slight slur to her voice and I know right now, she wants to believe what she is saying but I can see through it, her voice has no emotion behind it, she is just telling me what I want to hear.

"Rachel it's ok this won't effect us a great deal, I still want to be friends with you and I will always be there for you but I can't do this any-more, it's not fair on either of us."

She stands and I think she is going to tell me to leave but she simply picks up her glass and downs her drink, making her way over to the half empty bottle of wine pouring more into her glass.

"I decide what's fair for me Quinn Fabray." She says her voice rising slightly, she looks nothing short of pissed now as she makes her way towards me slightly unsteadily, she stands above me and stares down at me with her hands on her hips, her nostrils flaring and her eyes wide, her pupils blown.

"And what about what's fair for me Rachel?" I ask softly, not wishing to get into an argument with her but also not wanting to allow her to just yell at me "Of all of the things you have said to me, not one of them was that you feel the same for me Rachel, I know you want to believe you care for me as more than a friend but I know it's not true. It's in everything you do and the way you treat me, you never speak to me, choosing to drink yourself into a stupor most nights. I get it Rach, I really fucking do, you're hurting and you don't know how to make it stop but I refuse to be used like this, do you know how I feel every night? After you've touched my body and kissed me? To then roll over and pull away from me like I'm some kind of stranger to you." She looks down and shakes her head slightly. She doesn't want to take in what I'm saying.

"I'm going to get some things together and go back to my apartment tonight." I say going to stand, but before I can Rachel has pushed me back into the couch and is straddling my hips. I go to move her away from me but she catches my jaw with her hand, turning my face up to hers, she stares into my eyes and I almost flinch away from the fire I see in her eyes, not sure whether it's passion or hate I can see reflected back.

She presses her lips to mine harshly, her lips moving against mine with such a force that my lips immediately move under the pressure. I move my head, trying to get away from the intensity of the kiss but she simply grips my jaw tighter and continues to kiss me. I know I can't stop her so I kiss her back, moving my lips to match hers, trailing my tongue along her lips until she whimpers and opens her mouth slightly allowing our tongues to mesh together. My eyes close as the harshness of the kiss turns more passionate, her hips beginning to move slightly in my lap causing my heart rate to double and a fire to start to build inside of me.

When we finally pull apart, deep breath's needing to be drawn, she is staring down at my face in wonder. She links her hands with mine, intertwining our fingers, she squeezes my hands with hers just once before saying softly, "Fix me, please." She then presses her lips against mine again, our lips moving languidly together.

My mind is screaming at me to stop this, to push her away from me and tell her it's not right, that nothings been solved. But, another part of me, the weak part of me just wants Rachel. I have never been with anyone who has been able to make my body simmer with need like she can. It's almost like a switch has been flicked inside of me and all I can think of is Rachel's lips and body and how I want to feel her and touch her and before I know it I have picked her up in my arms and I'm carrying her toward her bed, my objections all being left behind me.

I sit her on the edge of her bed and step back, letting my eyes rake over her body. She looks up at me through her long lashes as she slowly raises her hands to her black shirt, licking her lips slowly as she unbuttons the shirt, revealing her red bra as she drops it from her shoulder and throws it away from her. I swallow thickly as her breasts move up and down tightly encased in her bra. She reaches behind her and unclasps her bra throwing that in the same direction as her shirt and this time I can't help but gasp as she is bare in front of me, I have never seen a more beautiful sight in my life. I reach down and pull her to her feet, I kiss her softly as I bring my hand up and trace it lightly over her breast, cupping it in my hand, feeling the nipple harden beneath my palm. Her breath catches as my fingers continue to map out a path over each breast. When I drag my lips away from her mouth I move my lips to her jaw, kissing and licking as I go, nipping the skin before soothing it with my tongue, I just can't seem to satisfy my need for the taste of her skin.

Her body arches into mine as I bite down a little too hard on her pulse point. I let out a murmur of content as she shivers under my touch. I quickly drag my top over my head, in a rush to feel her skin against mine. I am half naked before I can think and I press another deep kiss against her lips as I bring our bodies close together, as our nipples brush against each other we both let out a sigh of relief.

I push her backwards, crawling up her body as she lands on the bed. She reaches up and runs her hands through my hair as her body continues to push up into mine. I want this to be slow and sensual and I want her to cling to me as I bring her body to heights she has never experienced before, but she is pulling gently, but insistently on my hair.

I stare down into her eyes as she pleads with me. "Quinn, I need you, I need you to make me feel something, anything, please." Her fingers press into my scalp as she urges me closer to her. "Now." She insists.

I nod reverently at her, a lust filled haze clouding my vision as I slide my hand up her leg and her thigh, not bothering to remove her skirt as my fingers ghost over her panties.

She lets out a hiss and bucks her hips up to meet my fingers. She slides her hands down my back and presses her fingers into my skin as I continue to move my fingers along the seams, she nods to me as my eyes meet hers. Her teeth bite into her lower lip as I slip my fingers beneath her panties and into the wetness awaiting me there. I press my lips to her neck as I move my fingers through her folds, gasping into the slightly salty skin as I continue my movements.

I move my fingers to her bundle of nerves, pressing softly and circling the little bud until she starts to gasp out loud. I move down to her entrance, pushing two fingers in deep, relishing the feel of her tightness pulsing around my digits. Her back leaves the bed as she hisses out loud and begins to move against my hand. Her eyes are clenched shut as she continues to move against me, her breath now coming in short burst as a blush breaks out over her chest.

"Rach, rach." I chant into her ear, I need her to open her eyes and look at me. I need her to see that I'm here, right with her. But she shakes her head, even as my thrusts increase inside of her and I slip a third finger in, her eyes remain resolutely shut and she moves her head from side to side, as if she is trying to push my voice from her head.

I know she's close but the feeling of being used is once again washing over me, I could be anyone right now and she just needs to feel something with someone, the problem is, this means so much more to me than her. It washes over me instantly, this feeling of disgust with myself, I need this to be over, I feel cheap and I can feel the tears bubbling beneath the surface. I move my hand slightly so I can press my thumb against her clit, watching her face as she tumbles over the edge. Her mouth slightly open and her eyes still clenched shut as she lets out a tiny moan and a name tumbles from her lips that makes my heart lurch in my chest and bile to rise in my throat. Her body continues to quiver beneath me as I remove myself from her and roll over onto my side.

A silence falls between us as she struggles to catch her breath and I struggle to stop the tears falling from my eyes. My vision is blurry as I get to my feet, I reach over and pull my top on, ignoring my bra as I step towards the door.

"Quinn, stop, please." Rachel's small voice comes from the bed.

I rub my eyes and turn towards her, she has drawn a sheet over her chest and pulled herself into a sitting position and she is staring at me with scared eyes.

"So you do know my name." I spit out and I feel a little vindication when she flinches at my tone, or my words, both wanting the same impact to be made.

"I'm so sorry." She implores, moving to get off the bed.

"Don't, just fucking don't Rachel." I hiss out and she freezes. "You should have let me leave, it needn't have ended like this." I say sadly moving from the room, slamming the door behind me.

I can't stop the tears as they fall from my eyes whilst I pack, I shove random things into my gym bag, not really paying attention to what I'm taking. I fumble for my phone to call Santana's cell and ignore the fact that she sounds breathless and pissed when she answers it.

"This better be fucking important Q." I don't answer as I try to control my breathing and stop the tears. "Q, Q, you there?" She sounds concerned as she yells down the phone slightly.

"I'm here." I whisper down the line, "Can you come get me please?" I sob down the line and I can hear Santana moving around so I know she knows I'm serious.

"I fucking knew it, she's done something hasn't she?" She says and I can hear the sounds of a typical night on a Manhattan street in the background.

"Just come quick please San." I say before ending the call. I take a few deep breaths and go to the window to wait for Santana, trying to pull myself together before falling to the floor in a heap.

I hate driving in New York and I hardly ever do it, Santana has the right mind-set to be a driver here, she is fast, aggressive and unapologetic. I don't have that in me, so Santana usually drives me and Brit anywhere we want to go. I have never been so thankful for her crazy driving as I am when she screeches to a stop outside the apartment block five minutes later.

I grab my bag and leave the room, I can hear Rachel sobbing in her room and hate that I almost turn towards her room to comfort her. I muster all the strength I still have inside of me, remembering how Rachel has just used me makes it easier. I place the key she had given me only a few weeks earlier on the side as I leave, shutting the door firmly behind me. I truly break down in the elevator, my body racked with sobs as it takes me smoothly to the ground floor. As soon as the door opens I make a run for it, my sneakers squeaking across the marble floor as I gun for the exit.

Ricky looks startled at the sight of me and holds his arms wide, trying to block my escape. I grab his arm and look into his eyes.

"Let me go Ricky." I plead, dragging in a painful breath.

"Oh my sweet little girl, what's happened?" He asks, the kindness in his eyes nearly bringing me to my knees.

"Don't, I can't" I say shaking my head from side to side. I know he won't let me go though, not if he thinks I don't have a way to get home. "My friend" I manage to get out nodding toward the red mustang at the curb outside, typical bright and flashy Santana down to a tee.

Her and Brit are getting out of the car as Ricky finally lets me go, after telling me to keep safe. As soon as Brittany sees me she simply holds her arms open for me. I propel myself into them, clinging to her as she murmurs comforting words I can't make out as Santana hovers over her shoulder. I see Santana's head move slightly, she is looking over my shoulder and her eyes narrow and she takes a step towards something.

"Quinn..." Rachel's voice says softly from behind me, causing Brittany to hold me tighter.

**AN2 : Ok, so please be nice, my first attempt at writing smut :-) xx**


	15. My forever

**AN I am soooooo sorry about the long wait for an update, you would not believe how crazy work has been, a small fire at work and then a huge flood in my house had my attention most of the week so this has been my first available time to post this...I hope you like it and that I manage to explain a few reasons behind things with it.**

**Also, your reviews? seriously you are all the absolute best and I love you all for the lovely words you continue to say, keep them coming... :-)**

**Please read my second authors note after reading this and let me know your thoughts.**

**Disclaimer – still own zilch, which still makes me unhappy ha :-(**

_**Rachel**_

"Quinn..." I say again as I move to approach the blonde wrapped in Brittany's arms, I am completely ignoring Santana's warning glare that she is sending in my direction as this is something I have to fix...now.

A large arm wraps around my waist pulling me back slightly into a solid chest, I struggle against the hold trying to move closer to Quinn, I just need, I want, oh I have no idea what I can say at this point, I just don't want her to leave with her knowing how I feel for her.

"Let her go little star, let her go." Ricky whispers into my ear, his normally booming voice much softer.

"But, I can't Ricky." I whine as I continue to struggle against his strong hold.

"You have to, nothing can be solved on a side-walk when she is so upset." He says pulling me back slightly.

I know he's right but I still struggle against him as Quinn moves away from Brittany slightly, moving past her and climbing into the back-seat of the car without another glance back at me. I move my eyes from Quinn's hunched over form to Santana as she moves around the car, she just growls at me before jumping in behind the wheel, the slamming of the car door reverberating around the block. I look from her to Brittany and just as expected she looks torn, she looks like she wants to hate me but she can clearly see something in my face that softens her feelings towards me. She tilts her head to the side and gives me a sad little half smile before shaking her head at me and climbing into the car.

I finally stop struggling as Santana's mustang fades from view, I don't even know how I get there but before I know what's happening I'm sitting in Ricky's little office. He places me gently into a large armchair before he moves around the small room, making coffee's, when they are ready he hands me a mug silently and sits down opposite from me.

I go to speak but nothing comes out, so I take a sip of coffee, wincing as it burns down my throat. I look at him as he looks straight back at me, I can almost see what he is thinking as he surveys me. I only had time to put on a pair of short, shorts and an oversized white jumper I wear for lounging around the apartment, I didn't even think to put on shoes before taking off after Quinn, my hair is all messy, I look a mess.

"Now little star I love you like you are my own, but you have hurt that girl badly by the looks of it and I just can't see how you could, that's not you girl, you don't hurt people." He says it softly, but for some reason it really resonates with me.

"No, no I don't hurt people I just get hurt right?" I snap at him.

"I'm gonna let that go because I can tell you've been drinking but don't think you can get away with using that diva tone of voice with me, you know that's not how I meant it, now we need to get to the bottom of why you're acting like this." He gestures to me with his large hand.

I shake my head, putting my head in my hands. "You're right Ricky, I barely even recognise myself any-more I hate who I've become."

Everything Quinn had said to me was right, I have been pulling away from her, shutting myself down and not talking to her. I could see it happening more and more everyday but it was as if I have been powerless to stop it. I feel like I am a lost cause and a part of me was trying to not pull Quinn into that but as soon as she started speaking about leaving I just, well internally I kind of lost it.

"She said she was leaving me, going back to her apartment because she thought I didn't want her there? Can you believe that? Having her here with me has been amazing." I begin to explain to Ricky.

"There must have been a reason she felt that way, we talked, me and Quinn."

I look up then, into his kind eyes as he gives me the saddest little expression I've ever seen.

"About me?" I ask my voice breaking slightly.

He nods slowly, "Amongst other things yes, she was worried about you kiddo. She felt like you were pulling away from her, not being your usual self and I had to agree with her, even I have seen you changing in the months since Katie left."

I wince at her name and he quickly looks away, it's clear then that he not only dislikes Katie because he found her controlling as he once told me but that he also knew what had gone on between us. He looks back at me and gives me a small smile.

"I don't know what I'm doing any-more Ricky, I want her so much and I want to open up to Quinn and tell her exactly what I'm thinking but I just can't, there's something stopping me and I just keep retreating from her instead of doing what I want to do."

"Have you ever thought that living with Quinn and attempting to move on so soon after...everything, was the wisest choice? It seems like you've been moving too fast and maybe you just need time to get your head around everything before you can let anyone else in. I mean you have jumped straight into the play also and while I know you want to be kept busy, all it's doing is making it easier for you to ignore your feelings."

I nod silently because everything Ricky has said makes sense, he's one of the wisest people I know and I really value his opinion.

"How do I make it up to Quinn though?" I ask softly.

"I'm sure that won't be too hard girl, I've seen the way she looks at you like you're the moon and the stars in the sky. I think she can forgive you just about anything."

"Not this though" I mumble, dropping my eyes to my hands, that are clasped in my lap.

"What did you do?"

"I, well, good god Ricky I just don't think I can tell you."

He stays silent but nods thoughtfully.

"Do you know what you need little star?"

I sigh deeply, "I do, I need my Daddies." I say softly and Ricky nods in return. He loves my fathers and he knows that the reason he hasn't seen them for so long is because we had a very major disagreement when I had announced Katie and I were going to try again and that she would be moving in with me.

"They need to know what's been happening, I have been keeping in touch with them... but completely respecting your privacy at the same time." Ricky hurries to add.

"I knew you would be Ricky, I'm grateful and I know your right I just do not deal with being told that they were right and I was wrong."

"Ah little star they won't do that, they love you too much to make you feel bad, especially now." Ricky says gently. "I think you should call them and then give yourself and Quinn time to heal."

"I can't not see her Ricky, we've been living together and she's all I think about."

"Yes but even with all that you're still pulling away from her and shutting yourself off from everything you've been going through. Maybe a little time apart will be good for you both or at least see each other as friends first before pushing for more, and I really think you need to talk to someone about all of this, because you won't open up fully with anyone you know, perhaps you need to talk to someone you don't know about this."

I nod once, I know he's right but my heart actually hurts at the prospect of being apart from Quinn, but then I know after today she won't want to see me for some time, if ever again. I stand up and lean over Ricky hugging him close and kissing his cheek.

"Thanks Ricky, I'm going to go and call my fathers, it's really time for me to start putting my life back together and start afresh." I go to leave but he grabs my hand and turns me slightly, a large grin on his face.

"You'll get through this little star and I'll eat my hat if you and Quinn don't end up together, the first time I met my Maddie I just lit up and I knew I would spend the rest of my life with her, she lights up when she's around you and the same with you, some things are just meant to be, trust me."

I smile back and nod, I feel tears threatening with his words and I leave the room with a small, sad smile on my face.

I walk back into my apartment, sighing at the emptiness I feel upon entering it. I make my way over to the large glass of wine on the table, picking it up and swirling the dark red liquid around the glass before lifting it to my lips. I close my eyes and tilt the glass back before I see a flash of Quinn's face in my mind, the hurt and anger in her eyes as she left my bedroom and I instantly jerk the glass away from my lips as if it has burned me. I make my way to the kitchen area, quickly disposing of the wine down the sink. I know I don't have a serious alcohol problem but I also know that I have been depending on it a little too much recently, to block out all of the thoughts in my mind, to block out everything negative I've been feeling. And if I'm going to start facing up to things, it has to start somewhere.

I turn the tap on to rinse away the remaining dregs of liquid before reaching for my handset and quickly dialling the number I know so well, but I haven't dialled in so long. My breath catches as my Daddy answers the phone in his deep voice.

"Berry residence,"

My heart jumps in my chest and I squeeze my eyes shut tightly as I try and not recall the last conversation I had with my fathers, where I screamed that I wanted nothing to do with them if they couldn't accept my choice to take Katie back. I had been so furious, blinded by my unshakable love for a girl who had caused me nothing but pain, love that caused me to push away my two fathers who had done nothing but provide me with love and comfort since I was brought into their lives.

"Daddy..." I whisper down the line, internally begging him to feel how sorry I am.

I hear my daddy whimper down the phone and I hear him let out a heavy breath. "Rachel, baby oh you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice."

I let out a breath I didn't realise I had been holding as I hear the forgiveness in his tone.

"Oh Daddy I've missed you both so much, I've been so silly...I need you both Daddy I've made a terrible mess of everything." I sob down the phone, sliding down the kitchen unit until I'm sitting on the floor with my legs tucked under my chin.

"Baby girl, we've been right here, all along, just waiting for your call."

I nod into the phone, forgetting that he can't see me. "I know Daddy, me and Katie, we're through... you were both right." I say lastly, hating to admit I was wrong but knowing I can hardly deny it now.

"It's not about being right baby girl, we just wanted you to be safe so much we pushed you away and for that we're both sorry." I could tell Daddy was choked up, he's a big man my Daddy, a big strong African American who looks terrifyingly intimidating on first glance but is one of the softest and gentlest men you'll ever meet he's just a big softy.

"Is Dad there?" I ask hesitantly, in all honestly, I'm more worried about what my Dad's reaction will be, as he was the most vocal in his distaste for Katie and for me allowing her back into my heart and my life.

"He is, he's still practising the trombone and believe me when I say he's getting worse not better Rachy."

I smile at that, my Dad has been practising the trombone since I was a little girl and some of the sounds that come out of that thing were just unholy. I'm brought back to the present by my Daddy's voice.

"Hiram, Hiram, put that thing down please!" He yells down the phone, I hear the shrieking noise halt and my Dad's soft voice.

"This better be important Leroy, you know how I simply hate to be interrupted during practise time." He huffs and I grin, I can almost see him now with his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face. So many of my little quirks and personality traits comes from my Dad and whilst I'm Daddy's little girl I have a bond with my Dad that no-one can rival, he just gets me, he understands all of my stresses and quirks and loves me regardless, but with that comes the fact that we are very similar and if I am going to clash and bang heads with anyone it is usually him.

"It's a little surprise for you on the phone," My daddy says and I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Is it? It can't be" My dad says in a soft voice as I hear the phone being transferred over. "Rachel Barbara Berry is this you?" The tone of his voice is stern but gentle and my heart aches to see both of my fathers again.

"Dad" I cry down the phone letting the sobs take over my body.

"Now, now baby girl take a deep breath for me." He says gently down the line, but I can his breath catching too.

"She needs us Hiram, our little girl is hurting." I hear my Daddy say.

"Rachel," My Dad says in a firm tone of voice that tells me he needs me to listen to him.

"Yes Dad," I say sniffing back a further onslaught of tears.

"Me and your Daddy need to sort out some holidays at work but we will be with you by the end of the week ok?"

"Yes Dad, thank you, I've missed you both so much. I really have and I really am so sorry I have been such a terrible daughter."

"No more blaming little one, ok? We all made mistakes but we are overjoyed that you've reached out, we both love you and we'll be there just as soon as we can ok?"

I let out another sob and tell them both again that I love them both before putting the handset down and continuing to sob, I have been pushing down all of the emotions that surrounded me pushing away my fathers and now they were all coming tumbling out.

As soon as I was feeling able to see clearly I pick up my cell and type out a text, re-reading it and re-typing it about ten times before sighing as a single tear escapes my eye as I hit send.

_**Quinn**_

I stare at the rattling of my door before sighing deeply and closing my eyes, during the ride back to our apartment I had stuttered out that I was fine a few times until we were home. I shot out of the car nearly killing Brittany in my haste to get out of the back-seat, I had ran all the way up the eight flights of stairs before throwing my bag down and rushing to my room, locking the door firmly before throwing myself on my bed.

I had been in here ever since, not crying or wailing, not throwing things around just sitting and staring at the door and at the rattling of the door on the frequent times Santana or Brittany had attempted to get in. I let out a sigh of relief as the door finally stops rattling.

"Fuck!" Santana yells as she comes flying through my door holding onto her shoulder as she glares at me. "Fucks wrong with you Q, we thought you had done something overly dramatic and stupid, Brit was worried." She says still holding her shoulder.

I can't believe she has just burst through my door, my locked door but I know whatever she says she was just as worried as Brit, I can see it in her eyes as she scans me and the room to see if I had indeed done anything stupid.

"I'm upset San, not suicidal." I say shaking my head.

"What did the little midget do?" She asks sitting on the end of my bed and looking at me with a uncharacteristic soft expression on her face.

"Don't call her that." I huff out and her eyes widen, she's surprised that although Rachel has hurt me I'm still defending her. "I still love her San, she hurt me but I can't just turn that off ok?"

"Jeez ok, I get it, what happened then?" She asks as Brittany slinks her way into my room and I don't even blink as she pulls back the covers and climbs in next to me, laying her head on my shoulder.

Brittany has always felt other peoples emotions just as much as does her own, if not more so. So, when someone is hurting she hurts and it's automatic when I bring my hand up to trail it through her hair to relax her.

"I spoke to her like you told me to, I told her how I'd been feeling and how I felt like she had been pushing me away." I take a deep breath, "But she pushed me down when I tried to leave and started kissing me and it was so... it was just so rough and passionate and then before I knew it..." I trailed off again and Santana finished off for me.

"You fucked her." She says looking vaguely impressed by me.

I go to tell her that what I did is anything but impressive when Brittany starts to speak.

"That was the wrong thing to do Q, Rachy has been going through so much and the last thing that should have happened after you had told her all of your feelings was that. It was just another of Rachys attempt to push you away by escaping through sex." I exchange a look with San as she looks proudly at Brit, she loves it when Brittany shows a flash of how perceptive she can be.

"I know Brit, I just, I have no idea what I was thinking but everything logical goes out of my mind when she's close to me."

"Yeah, I know that feeling." Santana mutters with a wink at Brittany who giggles softly.

"So you two bumped uglies and then what?" Santana asks.

"Well, it was during, I mean she said she wanted to just feel anything, so I got down to it quickly, but just as she was about to, she said, well not my name." I finally get out closing my eyes tightly, my cheeks burning with embarrassment.

"No fucking way! Tell me she did not say that bitch's name?" Santana sounds furious and starts ranting about what she's going to do with Rachel when she gets her hands on her.

"Stop it Sanny." Brittany says softly, causing Santana to stop immediately and send a little glare Brittany's way.

"Tell me you are not about to stick up for Berry babe, I mean think how you would feel if I said another girls name as I came."

I shake my head to get the thought of THAT image out of head.

"Not at all, I love Quinn and you know I do. What Rachel did was awful but what must have been going through her mind? You've seen her too Sanny, how she feels about Quinn is obvious but the last person she was with was Katie, Katie who from what Rach has told me, used to just fuck her and never make love to her. And if she'd been drinking and is still running from herself, I don't know, I just know that she would never intentionally hurt you Quinn."

I nod slowly at Brittany's words, it does make sense what she is saying. That Rachel's mind was on Katie because of all she had been pushing away and her name came to the forefront because it is something that Katie would have done to her, it was nothing at all the way I had imagined my first time with Rachel being like.

"You were both going too fast, it was too soon after all she has been through, but Quinn, I love you, but you have to take some of the blame here. You expected too much of her, you wanted her to just open up to you, but up until recently you weren't even in her life never mind her friend but that didn't seem to matter."

I'm shocked, not because what Brittany is saying is wrong, but more because she's right. What made me think that I could just make Rachel open up to me, that I could push her into telling me everything that she was feeling, when for so long I was just a girl who once tortured her in high-school. I feel very selfish all of a sudden, as if I haven't even given a thought to just how truly hard all of this has been for Rachel. Because, yes it's been hurting me greatly to see her pull away from me, but she has been in a relationship with someone for years who has pushed her to do things and forced her to see things one way and one way only. I had been doing the same things and whilst I would never lift a finger to Rachel, I may have been hurting her just as badly by not letting things progress at her rate.

"Quinny, Quinn" Brittany's voice brings me back to her and she is sitting up, smiling softly at me. "You aren't to blame completely, you and Rach have both made mistakes and you need to fix them, but you need to give each other a bit of time first." As she is speaking my phone vibrates in my pocket and I glance down and my breath catches as I see Rachel's name on the screen, I zone out Brittany's voice as I open the message;

_Quinn, firstly I must apologise for today's events, what I did was truly unforgivable and I understand completely if you no longer want me in your life or in the play. Everything you said was correct, I've been pushing, not just you but everyone away from me and drowning my sorrows by drinking, after speaking to Ricky I realised that we rushed in too quickly with things and whilst my head was still spinning over Katie leaving, I had this amazing woman living with me who loved me and made me feel so amazing, but I felt like I didn't deserve you, I'm still not sure I do but I'm going to try very hard to try and be someone who deserves you if you'll let me. I have spoken to my fathers tonight for the first time in a long time and they are going to come out and stay with me, I need to regroup and get my head around everything that has happened, to speak to someone about what happened with Katie, but that doesn't mean I don't want to see you, I just hope you feel the same. I'm sorry again and I apologise further more for such a large text but I knew if I called you, you wouldn't speak to me xx_

I stare at the words and my heart feels like it's springing back into life again, I realise now that I could never have a life without Rachel in it in some form, she is just one of the most amazing people I have ever met and even though she hurt me I think I failed her somewhere along the line too. I go to reply when another message comes in from her, without hesitating I open it eagerly;

_Also, I wanted to tell you this in person but I feel it's imperative you know now, that I love you very much Quinn Fabray and Ricky is right you are very much my angel, you rescued me when I thought no-one could and you made me feel alive again. I think my heart has always belonged with you, so I hope, if you give me another chance, you look after it well xxxx_

I feel the smile stretching across my face as my heart practically explodes within my chest, there has only ever been one person who can make me feel this way and I want it to remain that way forever, I pick up my phone to reply to her messages in hopes that we can both salvage this tentative relationship we have been building, but I just know deep down that we can, she has always been my forever and now maybe I can be her forever too.

**AN 2 : The ending of this chapter has been written so it can either be the ending of the story or just the beginning of something else. I'm leaving it completely up to you lovely readers to let me know whether you want to see where they go from here or end it here, either way it's been a pleasure writing this and I do hope you want to read more :-) xx**


	16. Closure

**AN – I cannot thank you all enough, I am so happy that so many of you reviewed and showed me that you all wanted me to continue – Also, over 200 reviews? You guys rock, you really, really do. **

**Continue to rock and continue to review please? :-) xx**

**Disclaimer : Still don't own any part of glee :-(**

**## - Re-posting this chapter due to an error pointed out quite rightly by _writing is love_ and _T_ - Thanks and many apologies - If you haven't already reviewed please do so :-) xx**

_**Rachel**_

_We have both made mistakes Rach and I am really sorry for pushing you to open up to me when you weren't ready. I meant every single word I have said to you and I still love you so much, I need some time to get my thoughts together but I will be in touch very soon my very own little star xx_

Quinn had sent that to me nearly a week ago but I had still not heard from her, not another text or a phone call, not even a letter or email and it was killing me. I had never appreciated just how much I had begun to rely on Quinn being with me, I missed her presence because although I had struggled to open up to her, her presence had calmed me more than I had even known. Now the apartment is just empty, and so am I.

I am being completely pathetic, like a love-sick teenager, wondering around eating junk food and wearing one of Quinn's tee's she left behind. The only time I have been leaving the confines of these four walls are to meet up with Brittany or to speak to a therapist. I had researched each therapist in New York before settling on a Ms Rushton, she is in her early 30's with one child and a husband who works in the financial district, but none of that is the reason I chose her. I chose her because she is very experienced in her field, an advocate against domestic violence and grew up in a violent household, that and from the first moment I spoke to her she put me completely at ease and in less than a week I've paid an extortionate amount of money to see her five times.

I was not, however, seeing her today, today my fathers are coming to New York for three weeks and I am just thrilled, they are due to arrive in the next ten minutes and I have cleaned my apartment, not once or twice but three times. My dad is very neat and tidy and raised me to be the same, Daddy has a more of a relaxed attitude to tidiness which drives Dad crazy.

I'm about to go and check the bathroom for the tenth time when there's a knock at my door, I run over excitedly and quickly unbolt the large door before throwing it open, I'm grinning wildly as my fathers come into view.

"Daddies!" I scream throwing myself in their arms, they barely even strain under the weight of my full body being flung onto them.

They laugh softly as I pull away from them and usher them inside the apartment, they've only been in once and that was when I first moved in, in-fact it was the scene of our fall-out. They both look around with wide eyes as they look around the apartment, making the right noises as they go.

"So baby girl, you're doing well for yourself yes?" Daddy asks me, smiling widely down at me.

"Oh I've done pretty well, but of course I haven't wasted money I have invested a lot just like Dad taught me." I say finally glancing at my Dad, I'm expecting a harsh look or a scowl but he is smiling widely at.

"We're so proud of you Rachel, you seem so grown up all of a sudden." Dad says stepping forward and wrapping his arms around me. I let a deep breath out, not even realising I had been holding it. I glance to Daddy as I hug back and he grins widely at me, tears evident in his eyes.

"I guess I had to, I'm so sorry I pushed you both away." I say softly, I feel my Dad shaking his head as he manoeuvres us to the couch.

He pulls away from me and pats the space next to him for Daddy to join him, he does so quickly and they interlink their hands, sharing a brief look before looking back at me.

"We have had quite some time to discuss this, especially right after we, after our little falling out. We realised, well should I say, I realised that I had completely overstepped the mark, refusing to speak to you if you took Kathryn back. I just couldn't bare to see you hurt but by then the damage had already been done and you refused to return any of our calls. You didn't really push us away you gave us a little push and we ran, we ran from you when you needed us the most and for that we will both be eternally sorry." My Dad has always been the speaker in the family and right now I can see why. He looks so sorry as he stares at me with a baleful expression and I can see the grip he has on Daddies hand has tightened.

A look towards Daddy shows me he is nodding his agreement with Dad.

"How about we start again and we'll both accept the others apology and we'll focus on what pushed you to get back in contact with us?" Daddy says with a grin and a nod of his head.

I eagerly nod my head and smile back, I tell them we can talk as soon as they are settled. I show them to one of my guest rooms, avoiding the room that still held some of Quinn's belongings, the room I had been staying in because I couldn't bare to be in my bed without her.

Once they had unpacked and had the full tour of the apartment I ordered some thai food and we all settled down in the living area to talk. I always had such an easy relationship with my fathers it pained me to see how awkward things were between us, none of us sure who should start and what the conversation would be about, but I know them well and I know my Dad will be the first to speak and he will want to jump straight in.

A few minutes of silence later and I'm not disappointed as my Dad speaks up.

"Sooooo, your Daddy tells me that you and Kathryn are through now?" He says, coughing slightly and looking away, I can tell he feels uncomfortable even mentioning her name and I realise now that if I'd stayed with Katie I could never have had a relationship with my fathers again.

"Yes, I asked her to leave around twelve weeks ago now." I explain, adjusting myself slightly on the couch so I am sitting with my legs curled underneath me.

"Oh, what happened?" My Daddy asks with a sad smile at me.

"Things, well they deteriorated after an old school friend of mine showed up, she got worse, worse than before when she thought something was going on with her."

My Dad looks away again and seems to be gathering himself before looking back towards me.

"When you say worse.."

"Just worse." I quickly jump in, so afraid of the disappointed look I'll get when they realise exactly what I had allowed myself to be the subject of.

"Baby girl, you have nothing and I mean this when I say nothing to be ashamed of." My Daddy says.

"I do, I allowed myself to stay in this situation, I ignored every attempt people made to make me see sense. I was so far in that I just couldn't see a way out and if I'm honest before she moved in with me things between us had improved greatly."

"So, this friend from high-school?" Dad asked gently and now it was my turn to look away, my cheeks burning slightly. "Oh Rachel." He sighs softly.

"I know Dad, I was just, I think I was subconsciously searching for a way out because although she was no longer being violent." I see both of my fathers flinch when I say the word violent, my dads teeth clenching as he nods at me to continue. "I felt like I was drowning, she was suffocating me with her neediness, she needed to know what I was doing and who I was doing it with and then I went for an audition for a play I been sent the script for, it was amazing and I loved it as soon as I started reading it so I just knew I wanted a part, but then when I was standing on the stage, I heard a voice from the seats and something just happened, something changed. Old feelings came flooding back to me and ever since I've been feeling helpless to stop it."

"Who is this friend from high-school?" My Daddy asks me softly.

Just then the telephone in the apartment starts to ring, I ignored it as I tried to work out how to tell them that I was in love with the HBIC from high-school who had made my life hell. I was snapped out of my thoughts as the ringing ended and the voice-mail began and with it a soft, husky voice that caused goose-bumps to break out over my skin and I quickly realised I wasn't going to have to tell them who it was.

Quinn sighs softly as the voice-mail kicks in, "I was really hoping you would be in little star. It's Q, Quinn, which I guess you already know. I know I haven't been back in touch since I sent you that text but you have never been out of my thoughts...I miss you and I know that makes me sound so weak but I don't care, not spending time with you is killing me Rach, I need to see you. I hope you want to see me too, can you give me a call or a text, or, well, just get in touch please...I love you Rach and I can't stay mad at you any-more, I think all of the madness deflated that day I left the apartment anyway."

With that the apartment falls silent and I chance a look at my fathers who have two very different looks on their faces, my Daddy looks happy, smiling at me serenely clearly liking the sound of what Quinn had said. My Dad clearly remembers Quinn as the Quinn Fabray from high-school, the girl I cried about then the girl I begged them to forgive as she was my friend and then the Quinn Fabray who broke my heart and my spirit, my Dad needed no reminding who she was.

"Quinn Fabray? Really Rachel, has what you have been through with Kathryn taught you nothing? Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire." He shakes his head and I go to speak before my Daddy speaks up.

"Now Hiram, people change so much in such small spaces of time, look at how much our little girl has changed since high-school, you do not know anything about who Quinn is now."

"Dad, really she has changed so much, she has been amazing. She begged me not to stay with Katie and when she had seen how much Katie hurt me she didn't run over and beat Katie down although I could tell she wanted to, she stayed with me, she held me as I cried and she looked after me. She has been nothing short of wonderful and I will not let you compare her to the Quinn you remember from high-school as she is simply nothing like that, I love her." I finish breathlessly and I wait for both of their reactions, sure I am about to hear them both tell me how it is far too soon to be thinking about being with someone else let alone loving someone else.

When I look at them though, neither one of them look like they are going to say anything negative, my Daddy grinning at me and nodding his head and My Dad simply smiles softly and shakes his head once before holding his arms open for me. I fall into them gratefully, feeling instantly stronger because they both believe in me.

"You are not a little girl any-more Rachel and I can no more tell you who to love than I could then, please be careful with your heart, it has always been so much more delicate than others." I look up into my Dad's eyes and smile softly at him.

"It's not my heart you need to worry about Dad, I think I may have broken Quinn's."

He frowns at me, I can tell he never expected me to say that, I don't hurt people, it's not really the way I am or have ever been.

"You better start at the beginning hunny." My Daddy says softly.

"After I told Katie to leave I asked Quinn to stay, I realise now that it may have not been my wisest decision it was clearly too soon but I needed her, she gave me the strength to ask Katie to leave and I knew she would give me the strength to continue to not let Katie back into my life. Everything seemed to be going well, but then Katie started to try and get back in touch with me and I just retreated. You know me, I always think a problem shared is a problem halved but I just couldn't, I had so many things going around in my mind, was she with me because she pitied me? Did she not want to take things further because I was tainted, were her feelings genuine or just a product of her rescuing me." I shrugged, I had no hesitation in talking about taking things further with Quinn as I had always had a very open relationship with my fathers, they had always encouraged me to speak of what was on my mind and that they would let me know when they felt uncomfortable.

"That sounds reasonable, for you to develop doubts, so what happened when you finally spoke to her about all of your doubts?" My Dad asks, then frowns when I avoid his eyes. "Rachel, tell me you spoke to Quinn about all of your fears?"

I shake my head and take a deep breath. "I tried, I really did, but the words would get stuck in my throat and I just didn't want to hear it if my fears were true, I wasn't strong enough to hear she didn't want me. But, then before I called you both, we got from the theatre and she told me she couldn't do it any-more, that I had been pushing her away and she didn't know what else to do. She said that I didn't feel the same for her as she felt for me and some-things snapped in me. Katie used to say that to me, that I never felt for her what she felt for me and I, well, I kind of pounced on her." I can feel the blush making my entire face burn as I try not and look at my fathers who I know will be smirking, but there's nothing even remotely humorous in what I did.

"So, you hurt her by pouncing on her?" My Daddy says laughing softly.

"Daddy!" I exclaim, not even daring to glance at them. "No, that's not why she was mad at me, we, well I do not need to go into details..." I trail off.

"Oh heavens no, in fact we'd be very happy if you didn't." My slightly flustered Dad says clearing his throat.

"It was something I said to her, another persons name." I elaborate, it only takes a moment before it dawns on them and they both look at me, a horrified expression on their faces.

"Rachel Barbara Berry!" My Daddy says loudly, his eyes wide.

"I know, I know Daddy I feel so awful there is nothing either of you can say to me to make me feel any worse than I already do. It was all just, so, well so reminiscent of times with Katie, she begged me to look at her, I think she knew I was lost in the moment and it wasn't a good moment but I just couldn't do it!"

Both of my fathers look a cross between sympathetic and disappointed, before the doorbell rings to signal the arrival of our food. The conversation lightens slightly as we go about demolishing all of the food that we ordered.

"I hate to say this as you know my feelings for her, but have you thought about meeting up with Kathryn again. One last time to let her know exactly how she has made you feel over the years and to tell her that you have moved on, I think it would help you a lot. I think that for some insane reason you still think you owe that girl something."

I look at my Daddy in shock to see him looking at my Dad in shock, it's clear that neither one of us can quite believe what he has said, of all people to say it for it to be my Dad who it is well known wishes that I never have to see Katie ever again.

"Just think about it hunny." He says leaning over and kissing me on the head.

/R/

My father had planted a seed in my head and it grew and flowered instantly, it made sense. The reason I was holding myself back from Quinn is because I still needed closure with Katie. I had called her this morning and asked her to come to the apartment, I made it clear if there were any signs she was going to cause trouble or had, had a drink I would ask her to leave and she agreed immediately, a tone of remorse in her voice I had heard so many times before, but this time I didn't feel anything but pity for her.

The hard part had been in convincing my fathers to leave the apartment, my Daddy looked nervous in case anything happened, my Dad was itching for a confrontation. I explained that I needed the closure not them and my Daddy had eventually dragged my reluctant Dad away.

I look up as the lock on the front door rattles, I frown momentarily before realising that we had had the locks changed and Katie's keys no longer worked. I made my way to the door and opened it, nodding at Katie before heading back inside.

I heard her sigh and follow me, when I had seen her I had expected a rush of emotion, a rush of the love I had once felt for her to come back to me but I didn't feel like that. I felt almost indifferent to her, except for a little distaste at how much I had allowed her to take from me.

"Take a seat." I offer formally, noticing she does what I say immediately.

"My keys didn't work." She says softly, smiling up at me.

"That's because I had the locks changed." I say sitting on the opposite couch to her, she looks at me sadly.

"Baby, I'm so glad you asked me to come back. I know it'll be hard but we'll get through this together. I've been doing so well, getting help and not drinking..." She trails off as I hold a hand up to stop her.

"I did not ask you here to take you back, I asked you to come because I need some kind of closure. I need to let you know I've moved on and that while it's great you're doing better it's really not any of my concern any longer." I close my eyes waiting for the explosion, waiting for the accusations and the blame to start being thrown about.

But, all I hear is a deep sigh and I look up to see Katie looking resigned, her eyes looking moist with tears.

"I hoped against everything that, that wouldn't be the case, but I think I knew as soon as Quinn showed up I would lose you to_ her_"

I hate the way she says her name, like she has the right to use that tone of voice when addressing Quinn.

"As hard as this is for you to admit, you didn't lose me because of Quinn, you lost me because of you Katie. You were either smothering me or hurting me Katie, I could only put up with it for so long, you could have killed me that night you choked me Katie, do you even realise that." I ask her.

She looks away from me and I can tell she is ashamed, she doesn't like being reminded of her past behaviour and the way she had been treating me.

"Katie, at the beginning what me and you had was so brilliant, but it quickly went down-hill. I am partly at fault for us ending this way, I should never have taken you back but I did and now here we are. I am in love with Quinn, I want to build a future with her but I felt that I needed to tell you that first, so I could move on without any guilt hanging over me." I feel bad as Katie starts to cry softly, I know I shouldn't after everything she has put me through but I'm still me and I can't help but feel compassion.

I stand up and pull her into my arms, her shaking form holding me close, she pulls away from me slightly and looks down into my face, her expression breaks and she presses our lips together urgently. I don't hesitate in pushing her away from me, wiping my lips as I shake my head angrily at her. It's typical Katie behaviour and I don't know why I'm surprised.

I go to tell her to leave when the door-bell rings once again, thinking it's my fathers I shake my head at her again before storming over to the door and yanking it open.

My breath catches in my throat at the beautiful sight in front of me, she looks just so perfect, her blonde hair in soft curls around her face, a beautiful light green maxi-dress clinging perfectly in the right places and making her deep hazel eyes just pop.

"Q-q-quinn!" I exclaim, my shock preventing me from moving.

"Hi." She says softly, a tentative smile adorning her features.

"Come in, come in." I say dragging her in without a second thought, I shut the door behind me and turn around to face Quinn.

"You look well." She says as her eyes linger on me, a slight frown showing as her eyes fall on my lips.

A cough breaks me out of my Quinn-trance and I spin around suddenly remembering Katie, I spin back towards Quinn just as she takes a step backwards, her face a mask of horror, she looks from my lips to Katie and shakes her head before she turns and flees from the apartment.

"Quinn!" I yell after her, I take after her and just as I leave the apartment I hear Katie's evil laugh lingering behind me.

**AN2 – Sooooo review please? Help me get on my way to 300 reviews you beautiful people :-) xx**


	17. It's really over isn't it?

**AN – Two updates in two days I must really love you guys, either that or I was bored lol ;-) I wanted to put this up quickly as I know a few of you were a little worried there was going to be more angst, don't worry so much I'm all about the happy middles as well as the happy endings :-)**

**Thanks for all the reviews you are all the loveliest reviewers ever! xx**

**If you lovely people would like to leave me another review I will be a very, very happy girl and seen as I have a day off tomorrow I may also update again if the demand is there (Also let me know if there's anything or anyone you would all like to see and I'll do my best to add it/them in) ;-)**

**Disclaimer : Still don't own glee, but I have a plan, I just need a plane ticket, some duct tape and a cage – who's up for joining me? xx**

_**Rachel**_

I rush down the hall and make it to the elevator just as the doors begin to close, I throw myself into the small space and pause gasping for breath, I look at Quinn as she stands with her hands on her hips clearly not impressed with me or my flair for the dramatics.

"When I left Rachel that meant I didn't want to be around you any-more." She says haughtily, still not looking happy with me.

I turn from Quinn and pull on the small red emergency stop button that immediately brings the elevator to an abrupt stop.

"I know Quinn, but I have to explain to you what was happening with Katie. It seems like every-time we take a step forward a misunderstanding makes us slip back three steps."

Quinn shakes her head at me and attempts to move past me to push in the emergency stop button, but I gently take her extended arm and push myself close to her body. She attempts to step away from me but I follow her until she is backed up against the far wall of the elevator.

"No, you're going to listen to me Quinn, I need you to listen to me." I say urgently.

She looks like she is going to push me away again before letting out a long sigh and nodding slightly, I don't move away from her, instead bringing my hand up to caress her face.

"I asked Katie to come to the apartment today so.."

Quinn interrupts me, pushing me back slightly. "You invited her over here? While you were alone, Rach what were you thinking."

I shake my head at Quinn, smiling softly as she rants, it means she still cares. "I'll tell you what I was thinking if you ever let me finish Quinn, I invited her here to tell her that it was over for good, that I have moved on and that I am in love with you." I say earnestly.

I watch as Quinn's face softens instantly, she tilts her head to the side slightly and smiles softly at me.

"You really told her that?" She asks.

I nod, "Yes I told her that Quinn, I can see a future with you and it terrifies me, partly because I am just coming out of a horrible relationship, partly because my feelings for you are like nothing I've ever experienced and being apart from you has been just awful and..." I trail off as Quinn places a finger on my lips, to keep them still.

"I love you too Rachel." She says grinning widely at me.

"Good." I say, as for once my immense and impressive vocabulary fails me.

"Yes." She says, her eyes never leaving my face as she stares unblinkingly at me.

"She was upset and started crying so I hugged her, but then she kissed me and I swear Quinn I pushed her away immediately I was so furious with her, then you knocked on the door and well, here we are." I finish with a shrug, I felt like I have to explain everything to Quinn, so she knew everything that had happened with Katie.

"I believe you Rach, I know you wouldn't lie to me." She says softly, she moves closer to me, smiling down into my face. " I have hated every single minute of being apart from you." Her voice has dropped slightly as she raises her hands to cup my jaw with her hands.

"Me too, I can't sleep without you there." I admit sheepishly, dropping my eyes, but she tilts my face up towards hers. She stares into my eyes for a moment before moving her head towards mine and connecting her lips with mine.

As soon as her lips touch mine I know that everything I have been remembering about the feelings she causes in me weren't a lie. She makes me feel alive, as if up until she came back into my life I had just been wandering around half asleep.

I gasp and arch my back, pushing our bodies together as she slides her tongue along my lower lip, my body erupting with fire. I bring my hands up to slide through Quinn's blonde hair, loving the way the golden strands feel between my fingertips.

I push her back as our tongue press and caress against each others, pressing her up against the doors I pry my lips from hers and trail my tongue down over her jaw and to her neck, where I suck gently on her pulse point.

"Fuck Rach." She hisses out and I don't think there has ever been a sweeter sound than her cursing my name out as she's so turned on.

I trail my hands down her sides enjoying the way her body trembles under my touch, I have not been able to touch her for only a week but it feels like an eternity. But in the back of my head I feel like I should be trying to stop this, in the back of my head I start to wonder whether the elevator has a security camera in it.

I let a squeak of surprise out as Quinn suddenly picks me up and spins me round so I'm against the corner of the elevator, she has hold of me by upper thighs and moves my legs so they are wrapped around her waist. All thoughts of stopping fly from my head as Quinn attaches her lips to my neck, kissing and licking the space there. I tilt my head back to allow her more freedom and she takes advantage of it, continuing to lick and suck on any available skin causing my breath to come out in short bursts, my body feels like its on fire as she continues. She moves her hands up my thighs as I move my body against her. I need her lips on mine so I pull gently on her hair, pulling her away from me slightly, she quickly gets the hint and moves her lips to mine. She grips my butt with her hands and I grind down into her as she slips her tongue into my mouth. I vaguely hear a small 'ding' but I push it from my mind as I continue to grind down into Quinn.

A loud cough and a deep voice saying "Rachel Berry, what are you doing?" brings me back to earth quickly, it evidently does the same for Quinn as she drops my legs from her waist and steps back from me as if she has been burnt.

I push a hand through my ruffled up hair and turn to sheepishly face my fathers and a smirking Ricky behind them.

I glance at Quinn who has gone bright red with embarrassment, she shuffles her feet as she studiously avoids looking at my fathers.

"C'mon." I say reaching my hand out to Quinn, she looks into my face and I smile gently letting her know it's ok.

She takes my hand and we leave the elevator before the doors close on us, we both stand in front of the three men looking down at the floor, me with a smirk to match Ricky's and Quinn with an embarrassed look on her face.

"Well?" My Dad implores again.

I slowly bring my head up and try to wipe the smirk from my face but I clearly fail as my Dad raises his brow at me and shakes his head.

"Erm sorry?" I offer up lamely and that seems to be Ricky's breaking point as his face breaks down and he start laughing loudly, he slaps my Dad on his back nearly sending him sprawling across the marble foyer.

"Oh this is perfect, my little star and her angel back together and nearly doing the dirty in the elevator, priceless!" He laughs even louder as he pushes past my shocked fathers and gathers me up in a hug, at the same time dragging Quinn over to us with his other arm. "You girls, meant to be I'm telling ya." He says gruffly stepping back and smiling widely at the two of us.

I look down as I feel Quinn slip her hand into mine. I look up and smile gently at her, she grins back and squares her shoulders slightly whilst stepping forwards and pulling me with her. She offers an apologetic smile at my fathers.

"Hi Mr Berry, Mr Berry." She says nodding to them one after the other. "I must apologise for you both having to see us like that, our feelings seem to have allowed us to get a little carried away." She grips my hand even tighter as my Dad simply stares back at us and my Daddy starts to smile.

"A little carried away? I dread to think what would have happened if the lift hadn't opened." My Dad says, he doesn't sound impressed but his eyes don't have the usual hardness in them when he doesn't like someone.

Quinn blushes an even deeper shade of red as she swallows thickly. "I know, as I said I can only apologise for getting carried away, but I will not apologise for showing my affection towards Rachel."

I smile, impressed that she's standing up for herself and for us. My Dad clearly is too because he coughs once and seems to be attempting to cover up a smile, my Daddy has no such problems as he claps his hands together and grins at Quinn.

"I like her Hiram." My Daddy says grinning at us and pushing my Dad's shoulder with his.

My Dad shakes his head at my Daddy but smiles softly, "Me too Leroy." He says softly and I feel Quinn's body relax beside me.

"Now after that, rather unfortunate of first introductions how about we start again?" I say pulling Quinn even closer to my fathers.

"Daddy this is my girlfriend Quinn." I say and my Daddy steps forward embracing Quinn in his usual enthusiastic way.

"Call me Leroy baby girl" He says pulling back and smiling at Quinn again as she smiles widely back. "Our little girl tells us you have been amazing to her these past months and we are both hugely grateful to you."

My Dad nods his agreement and steps forward, he holds his hand out for Quinn to shake which she does so. I catch my Daddy as he rolls his eyes at the formality of my Dad's ways. It's always been clear that I gained my touchy feely side from my Daddy.

"Yes, it's been good to hear that Rachel has had someone to be there for her Quinn, I take it you have both worked out your...issues." My Dad says for lack of a better word.

Quinn nods and steps back to slip her arm around my waist. "Yes, I feel very strongly for your daughter Mr Berry and I hope we can spend some time together while you are both here."

Hiram nods and smiles at Quinn, "Yes, I hope so too Quinn."

My mind flits back to Katie, suddenly remembering that I have left her alone in my apartment.

"Daddies, can you both please go out for a little longer?" I ask softly.

"Excuse me?" My Dad asks with a frown.

"Katie is still upstairs and I don't think it would be, erm, well productive for either of you to see her right now." I explain softly.

"That sounds like a plan star." Quinn says kissing me softly on the forehead. "We won't be far away." She adds before stepping away from me and closer to my fathers. "I'll take you to a lovely little Italian around the corner whilst Rachel finishes up and then she can join us."

"You're not going to leave her alone with her are you?" My Dad asks bristly slightly.

"Well it was your suggestion for me to meet back up with her" I inject softly, smiling gently as my Dad looks flustered and uncomfortable.

"She'll be fine and if I don't see that horrible little girl walk past in twenty minutes I will be calling up to make sure she is ok." Ricky says, trying to make sure my fathers will leave.

They both look unsure even as Quinn ushers them towards the main front door, before they leave she turns back and catches my eye, sending me a wink and blowing me a kiss before she disappears from view.

I give Ricky another hug as I step back into the elevator and press the button to lead me back to my apartment. I love that Quinn knew I would want to finish this with Katie by myself, and she trusts me enough to know I would not put myself in a volatile situation again.

As I enter the apartment I notice that Katie has moved from the living area, she is leaning against the door-frame to the spare room I have been staying in. She looks over to me as I enter her view before looking back to the room.

"You've been sleeping in here?" She asks nodding towards the bed.

"Yes, but how did you know?" I ask as I walk over to where she is.

"I can smell you, I've always been able to smell you. Like vanilla and fresh flowers, it's a beautiful smell." She says as she makes her way into the room, she picks up a few things from Quinn's bag on the floor.

"Is this where she was sleeping?" She asks, a hopeful expression on her face.

"No, she slept with me, in my bed. When she left last week I couldn't bare to be in the bed without her there." I say plainly, I feel no need to pander to her feelings any-more after what she tried to do earlier. It seems as if my words have the desired effect as she sucks in a breath.

"You were sleeping with her when you asked me to leave weren't you?" She asks me sadly.

"No, no I wasn't Katie and the very fact that you had to ask me that proves that you don't know me at all. I want to make something very clear to you, I want you to stop calling me, no more emails or texts begging me for another chance, none of it will work. We weren't meant to be, I loved you Katie I really did, but I love Quinn now and I want to be with her, not you." I brace myself as she walks towards me, but she simply pushes her way past me.

"You broke my fucking heart Rachel, do you even realise that!" She yells at me as she storms to the kitchen area and begins to yank all of the doors open, looking for alcohol I presume.

"Yes, yes I do. But you broke mine first." I say sadly.

"Where the hell is the wine or the vodka." She finally relents to ask me, after searching through every cupboard.

"I threw it all out, turns out that not only do I not like the person you are when you've had a drink but I also don't like the person I am when I've had one." I explain to her leaning back against the arm of the couch.

She looks at me and narrows her eyes at me before making her way towards me, my stomach flips over as I worry that she is about to cause a scene or hit me. I quickly move away from the couch, a frightened look taking over my face.

She stops moving and sighs softly as I move further away from her. "Rach, baby, I'm not going to hurt you." She says before sighing once again. She looks around the apartment and then back to me. "It's really over isn't it?"

"It really is." I tell her gently.

I move towards her and she looks hopeful once more but her face falls as I move past her and to the front door, I open it and look back at her.

"I honestly believe you aren't a truly bad person Katie and we were really happy once. But I haven't been happy for such a long time, but now, now I really think I can be."

She nods and moves to the doorway, she stops and looks into my eyes, her strange eyes seemingly memorising every feature on my face.

"I'll miss you Rachel." She says sincerely, stroking a hand gently down my face before leaving without a glance back.

I shut the door leaning against it heavily, one problem solved now onto the next one I think as my stomach flips again, now I know I have a future with Quinn, there's some things that she needs to know.

**AN2 – No more angst guys – I promise! There are good things coming. Let me know what you all think and I'll try my best to update tomorrow if you do ;-) xx**


	18. Be careful with that fragile heart

**AN : Soooo it's not Monday I know! Sorry guys but I really struggled with this chapter, I've had the first part typed for a little while but I just couldn't get the rest to read right so I really hope I've fixed it and that you all like it..**

**On the plus side – I've just booked a holiday to Vegas so I now have something to look forward to :-)**

**Thank you all so much for the reviews – I haven't had time to reply to many of you but I'll get better I promise... please review again too, you have no idea how excited I get when I get the emails through :-)**

**Disclaimer : I'm still not any closer to owning Glee xx**

_**Quinn**_

I smile indulgently as Rachel brings her fathers down the aisle of the theatre, throwing her arms around wildly as she describes things about the play, I can hear her tell them where certain aspects of the set is going to be and I can see them smile indulgently at her as they hang on every word she says.

"Hi angel." She says as she arrives at my side, leaning up to kiss me softly, I return the kiss and then turn to her fathers.

"Hello, it's really good to see you both again." I smile remembering the previous night and the stilted conversation at the restaurant, until Rachel arrived and we all relaxed. I felt like we had actually made some progress. Hiram still didn't seem to completely trust me which is fine as I'm not going anywhere so I'm going to have plenty of time to convince him that I'm sincere.

I gesture to the stage and tell her fathers. "I'm really sorry I couldn't give Rach the day off from rehearsals but we missed a rehearsal last week, due to our...issues." I say a little sheepishly as I smile at them, hoping they will see that I have used the words that were used the previous night.

"Oh no don't apologise Quinn, we asked to tag along so we could scope out the best seats in the place for opening night." Leroy says as he puts an arm around Rachel's shoulder.

"Yes and not only that but Rachel did force us to read the whole play last night." Hiram adds with a smile at Rachel, he's very much the sterner and scarier of the two Berry's but whenever he looks at Rachel he just seems to melt and I can tell that they are both so grateful to have her back in their lives.

"Oh puh-lease." Rachel says dramatically coming over to me and perching herself delicately on my knees. "I tried to take it from Dad after ten minutes and he nearly took my arm off, they both loved it angel." She says before kissing me again, I love how she calls me angel, it literally makes me swell up with pride.

Hiram coughs loudly to interrupt us. "Yes Quinn it was very good, hard-hitting and still so very relevant and I have to say that Rachel is the perfect Sam."

"I couldn't agree more." I assure him as I look into Rachel's big brown eyes, getting lost in the look of love pouring from them. I'm pulled from my trance by a loud shriek. I look up just in time to see a flash of blonde fly past my vision.

"Leroy, Hiram!" Brittany yells as she throws herself into the open arms of both men, they both laugh as they hold her close as she jumps up and down in their arms.

I frown in confusion and catch Santana's eyes as she trails behind Brittany with a similar expression on her face, when I move my gaze to Rach she is simply smiling serenely at them all.

When Brittany pulls back from them, both of the Berry men look her up and down like proud parents.

"You look lovely Brit, so grown up." Hiram says grinning at her as she continues to jump up and down on the spot.

"So do you Hiram, you look like totally tons older than you did before." She says with a smile, I stifle a laugh at Brittany's innocent insult.

"Err, thank you." Hiram says with a bemused look on his face and a little shake of his head.

"You look as yummy as always Leroy." Brittany says smiling shyly at Leroy and I watch Hiram roll his eyes at us all.

"S'up." Santana says as she stands next to my seat, watching Brittany blush at Leroy's hug. "My girl swapping teams?" She asks with a snort.

"Oh that?" Rachel says pointing to Hiram teasing Brittany about a 'crush' "She's always found my Daddy to be rather attractive, she once told him she liked people of all ethnic origins and that she found him to be a chocolate delight."

Santana simply smiles and makes her way towards her girl, wrapping a slightly possessive arm around her waist.

"Hi, I'm Santana." She says to Rachel's fathers holding her free hand out to the two men.

Leroy smiles and shakes her hand, "So your the lucky girl Brittany used to talk about in high-school, we had quite a few tears from this one over you." He says and Santana looks down before nodding and standing up straighter.

"Yeah I'm the lucky girl, high-school was a, well a bad time for both me and Q, we were both hiding feelings for the girls we liked." She admits and I dare say I can see a little blush creeping over her tan skin.

I grin at Brittany's outraged expression as she nudges Santana's shoulder roughly, I see Santana frown at Brittany's expression and hesitate for a second before smiling at both men.

"Sorry, for the girls we loved." She corrects as Brittany lets out a squeal and kisses her on the cheek.

"It's so good to see you both again but me and Rach need to get our mack on." Brittany kisses both men on the cheek before jogging over to Rachel and dragging her from my lap and pulling her towards the stage.

We all watch Brittany's retreating back with the same bemused expression on our faces.

"That fucking girl never fails to surprise me." Santana says before coming to sit next to me. Rachel's fathers follow her and sit in the row behind us, ready to watch their little girl in action.

"So, Brits seem to know you both pretty well." Santana says turning in her seat slightly, I can tell she feels out of the loop and that's not a feeling she likes.

"Yes she does, all through high-school she would come home with Rachel after ballet class on a Thursday and stay for tea. She always brought little gifts to make up for not sticking up for Rachel in school." Hiram says with a pointed glare at both me and Santana, I looked away for a moment but Santana simply shrugs.

"I hate to break it to you guys and I'm sure it won't bring either of you much comfort. But, high-school was kill or be killed, I had my girl to protect so I had to be a big enough shark for the both of us, to keep one person at the top is hard enough but I had two to keep up there and there was no way I was going to leave Brits out there for the rest of them to feed on. Do I wish it could have been different, hell yeah. Do I regret what I did to Berry and the rest of the people at the bottom, hell yeah again. But ask me if I regret the fact that I got to protect my Brits from the narrow-minded idiots of that school then the answer is no every single time." She shrugs again. "But for what it's worth, Berry was always gonna be a star and she was always too big a personality for that town so while I'm sorry, I know it doesn't change anything. I hope I'm a better person than I once was and I think I've proved that I can be trusted to Berry and that should be enough for you both. Same goes for Q here, she has been crazy about that girl for years and she will do anything for her which Berry realises and that should also be enough for you."

I can't help but grin at Santana, sometimes she even shocks me. She is so impressive, she knows just what to say and she's braver than me in how she always admits to her mistakes but refuses to apologise for every single one of them.

I watch Hiram study her and I can tell he is impressed too, he simply nods at Santana.

"You're a very wise woman Santana and we can both see how fiercely protective of Brittany you are and if you show just one ounce of that protectiveness towards our little girl then we will be very happy." Hiram says.

We fall silent for a few minutes before Brittany demands we watch her and Rachel act their butts off, we share a giggle but all turn round obligingly. No-one can refuse Brittany anything.

-/-/-/

"Brit!...Brit!...Brit!" I yell trying to get Brittany's attention as she pushes Rachel against the make-shift wall again before lunging onto her lips once more.

We are halfway through the play and Brittany had been right, both her and Rachel had acted their butts off, we still had some roles to fill so they were basically doing all parts for now and we were skipping scenes with more than two people in them. We were now on the same scene we had been on previously when Santana had been struggling with jealousy.

This time however Brittany has kept asking for the scene to be re-done as one thing or another was off, I personally had a feeling she was simply trying to get Santana to be all protective and jealous again but she was proving to be tougher to crack this time, simply looking away or tearing up bits of paper in front of her. Now it was me who was struggling to watch, Rachel was looking thoroughly debauched, her lips swollen and bright red, her hair messy and wild around her face and her cheeks flushed from so much kissing.

"For god-sake Brittany stop!" I finally yell as her hand inches just slightly too high up Rachel's thigh.

She does stop this time, her hand still on Rachel's thigh as she tilts her head towards me and smirks slightly.

"Yes Quinny?" She asks followed by a chuckle.

Rachel turns her head towards me, her eyes heavy lidded, a look of exhaustion on her face as she mouths her thanks to me.

"You have to stop this B, Santana is totally jealous ok but she can't jump up and be all vocal about it when this show goes out, I can't have any interruptions let alone the jealous partners of my stars interrupting the play. But, right now you are even making my blood boil. I love you but if you grab Rachel's boob or crotch 'accidentally' one more time I am going to have to try very hard not to smack you."

"And I will then have to smack Q for smacking you baby, she's right you have to stop this, it's driving me insane to be this composed." Santana admits with a sigh.

Brittany steps back from Rachel, who sags heavily against the wall, sinking down to the floor and grabbing her bottle of water, glugging on it gratefully as if she has been in the desert without it for months.

"Okies, sorry Q but Rachel is a super good kisser." Brittany says skipping towards the stairs leading from the stage.

"That girl is something else, I have to admit I had my reservations when I read the part of jess and was told Brittany was playing her but she is just outstanding. As soon as she went into character I was captivated." Leroy says, his dark head popping up between me and Santana.

Santana nods, "Yeah my girl totally rocks, but I gotta say Rach has me totally fucking hook line and sinker I really feel for Sam, she makes me feel for her."

I gape at Santana, that's a compliment for Rachel and she's referred to her as Rach, I am in a state of shock.

"What? Fuck you, you think I can't be nice to shorty once in a while!" She lets out a huff of breath and I try not to laugh as I catch Leroy's eye who is trying not to laugh himself.

Brittany arrives next to us and pulls Santana out from her seat and into her arms.

"I'm so glad I decided to be an actress, Rach is real fun and I really like getting my mack on with her." She turns slightly and winks towards Rachel and I swear this lovely sweet girl is getting right on my last nerve, she's morphing into a blonde Santana with an innocent face – which is one hell of a scary combination.

"Ok B, stop speaking like Santana, I am official freaked out. Now S, take your girl away before you both get down and dirty right here." I say to the two girls who are practically grinding against each other as they kiss in the aisle.

Santana nods her head but doesn't pull away from Brittany as she starts to move the blonde towards the exit without taking her face from Brittany's.

I laugh and focus on the people around me when I hear little squeals and yells of excitement, I smile as I see Hiram and Rachel jumping up and down together. Leroy looks on in amusement before catching my eyes.

"Oh, they're sure this is going to be a hit and Hiram thinks there could be an award in it for her, hence the joy." He says as he watches them both with such love shining out of his eyes.

Rachel catches my eye over her Dads shoulder and she grins at me, her brown eyes sparkling and her skin glowing. Every-time I look at her I find something new to fall in love with her, she's so beautiful but so much more than just that, everything about her from the infectious smile she's wearing now to the way she furrows her brows when she's confused or angry makes me breathless.

"God, she's stunning isn't she?" I ask softly, not ashamed of showing Leroy how hard I've fallen for his daughter.

"She really is, she always has been. I think she just has a personality that kind of grows on you and her intensity has mellowed with age." Leroy says sagely.

I nod in agreement. "She's not the only one who's mellowed with age." I say with a small laugh.

"You'll probably never hear this from Hiram but he really likes you Quinn and he thinks you are really good for our little girl as do I. Now, I know I don't need to tell you to be careful with that fragile heart of hers or what we will do to you if you hurt her."

I swallow thickly as his eyes darken, I've never seen this Leroy, in the very short time I've been getting to know them it's Hiram who is stern and slightly threatening. Leroy is happy go lucky and smiling constantly, but this Leroy is scary, not someone to be messed with. So I simply nod silently and watch transfixed as his face instantly relaxes and it loses the cloudiness that had fallen over it and he grins widely pulling me into a sideways hug.

"I'm really glad we got that out of the way, now I totally love you two together and you simply must tell me what shampoo you use, your hair smells divine." He says with a flourish of his hands.

I shake my head and laugh, before feeling a warm arm slip around my waist, pulling me away from Leroy, and an even warmer presence at my side, I drop my eyes down to those of my girl and she smiles at me before pressing a firm kiss to my lips and it takes all of my self control not to jump on her. I want to show her she's mine, because her lips are plump and swollen from Brittany's kisses and she tastes totally wrong, totally not like my little star and I can hardly stand it.

"Well Rachel, me and your Dad are going to go and take a little look around the city and a stroll in central park, so we'll leave you love-birds to it" Leroy says with a wink at us.

Rachel blushes slightly and looks away as I let out a little chuckle. "Don't be silly, we just have a few things to go over and then we can head out, maybe grab some things and have a picnic in central park together?" I suggest and Hiram smiles broadly at me and I can tell he is about to agree before Leroy grabs his hand and starts tugging him away from us.

"Not necessary girls, you can do that together if you wish. Rachel we'll see you back at the apartment, you were amazing up there sweetie." Leroy says, as he glares at Hiram who goes to protest again, before he lets out a 'hmph' and flounces from sight.

"Ah the infamous Berry stomp-out, oh how I've missed it." I say with another little chuckle at Rachels outraged expression.

"So, what did you want to go over?" She asks softly, running her petite fingers up and down my arm, smirking when she sees me shiver under her touch.

I clear my throat. "Well, it's just in that last scene, you were a little." I swallow as she moves both of her hands to my waist pulling me to her. "S-s-submissive." I stutter out as she lets her fingers slip beneath the fabric of my top.

"Oh really?" She asks with an arch of her eyebrow and before I know what's happened I'm being pushed onto the seat behind me and she is kneeling above me, her knees on either side of my thighs.

"Erm yes." I say licking my lips as she stares at me with dark eyes. "You need to show her who's in charge." I suggest as she nods absent-mindedly before lowering her lips to mine.

She slips her arms around my neck as she angles her head to the side, kissing me deeply and passionately. She grinds her hips down into me as she lowers her lips to my neck drawing her tongue over the skin there.

She nips the skin on my neck slightly and I buck my hips up, heat and wetness pooling between my thighs. I run my hands up and down her back as she continues to kiss my neck. I pull her away slightly and stare unblinking at her. She looks right back at me as she rolls her hips once again causing me to hiss out.

"Fuck Rach." I say breathlessly, licking my lips again as stare at her heaving chest. I feel a little light headed as I watch as a small bead of sweat trickles down her chest, trickling beneath the top button of her dress, dropping deliciously from view.

"That was kind of the plan." She husks out and that voice just about drives me to throw her onto the floor and fuck her senseless.

I smile and lean forward kissing her softly, slowing our passion down slightly, changes the pressue of the kisses to slow languid ones. I reach forward and undo the top button of her dress, gulping as the first hint of tan skin comes into view.

I press a kiss to the newly exposed skin. "You"

I continue with another button, running my tongue over the slightly salty tasting skin. "Are"

I flick open the third with one finger, slowly running my finger over the swell of her breast, smiling as she arches into my touch gasping. "The"

Opening the fourth button I move the material aside, running the side of my thumbs over the red lace of her bra, before replacing my thumbs with my mouth, sucking gently on each lace covered breast. "Most." I manage to husk out.

I struggle with the next button before simply pulling apart the button, ignoring her small shake of the head, my mind purely focussed on seeing more of her. "Beautiful."

I reach my hands to the front fastening clasp of the bra and popping it open, my eyes ablaze at finally having Rachels breasts bare in front of me, I lick a small path over the top of each breast before letting my tongue trail over one nipple, blowing gently on the erect nub and smiling as she hisses out and digs her nails into the skin of my arms as she holds me close. "Woman."

I smile gently as I continue on to the other breast, repeating my actions on the other nipple. She presses her nails into my arm harder as she continues to roll her hips into mine moaning out loudly. "Ever." I finish as I nip the nub gently, before soothing it with my tongue.

"Oh god" Rachel says as she tilts her head back and arches her back, exposing her breasts even further into my mouth.

"Oh my fucking god, I am fucking blind." I freeze as Santana's voice rings out through the theatre, I feel Rachel freeze too as she ducks her head into the crook of my neck.

I can't move, if I pull away I'll expose a topless Rachel to Santana so I just stay where I am, my head burrowed against Rachel's breasts and I have to admit there are worse places to be.

"Go away!" I yell out as I tilt my head slightly to the side.

"I've just come back to get Brits bag, woulda come back sooner if I thought this is what I'd get to see." She says with a devious chuckle.

I feel Rachel's face flame against my neck and I stroke her back softly to calm her embarrassment and ease how uncomfortable she must be feeling.

"You better not be starting again chica, not until I high-tail it out of here." Her voice is close to me as she reaches down under the chair I'm on.

I hear Rachel gasp slightly and move her leg. I pull back from Rachel and glance down to see Santana pull her hand away from the smooth skin of Rachel's leg with a wink up at me and a glance at Rachel's newly exposed chest, she licks her lips and winks at me again.

"Get out" I hiss out as she laughs and gets to her feet, she throws the bag over her shoulder as she heads back up the aisle.

"Oh Rach, I mean I knew your legs were smoking but if I knew you had a chest like that I would have totally seduced you back in high-school." She laughs heartily before adding. "And if Brits was up for it we could totally have a threesome." She laughs again before finally leaving us alone again.

We look at each other, her face flaming red and mine twitching with amusement, she huffs and slaps my arm in outrage before starting to giggle too, as she does my eyes drop to her breasts as they jiggle in front of me.

"I have to agree with Santana." I say as I grin and lower my mouth back to her chest, relishing in the moans that start to once again fill the air.

**AN2 : Next time, more sexy-times? Focus more on the production of the play? Your wishes are my commands! ;-)**


	19. Fairytale

**AN I am so sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out, but if I'm honest I lost motivation for this little story of mine. Once again, I'm really very sorry and I hope you all haven't forgotten about this fic and let me know whether you enjoy it.**

**I tried to take on board what everyone wanted, so I have a mixture of both the play and some sexy times at the end – be nice please as I'm still very nervous when I write these scenes.**

**Disclaimer : I own nothing, but maybe if I get enough reviews I can convince the creators to give it to me?...well, maybe not! ha :-) xx**

_**Quinn**_

The past few weeks have passed in a whirlwind as we have had to concentrate more fully on the play, sets have been erected and more parts have been filled, word that _the_ Rachel Berry was the star of the play had filtered out to every Broadway actress and actor in New York. Before we knew it every part has been filled and the hard part had to begin.

Rehearsals were now filling every waking hour of the days, Brittany and Rachel had it the toughest as they were both turning out to be quite the perfectionists. Two of the very few adults in the play were to play Sam's parents and they were just a joy to work with, they were funny and charming but when they got on stage they filled their parts with perfection, cold and hard hearted only caring about perception and false beliefs that they were good Christians. Sometimes they were so spot-on it caused a shiver to run through me.

We had brought back Ashley the girl who had auditioned for the part of Jess to play Olivia and to play Amy, Olivia is one of Sam's conquests when Jess finally gets fed up by Sam and walks away from her and Amy is the girl that Jess is with when Sam eventually catches up with her. I still think she lacks the professionalism to be in the play, especially with the moon eyes she continues to throw Rachel's way, but she is a good actress and she plays both parts very well so unless she does anything completely out of order then she has to stay.

I zone back in as I hear Brittany yelp out, I glance up and smile, they are no longer Rachel and Brittany when they are on stage. I only recognise them as Jess and Sam, the scene we are working on today is one of the most powerful in the play, in my opinion anyway.

"Just admit it Sam, stop pushing me away and admit it." Jess yells, her hair dishevelled, pulling on a long tee.

"Admit what? That your a good lay? That I like to fuck you senseless? Ok you got me, I admit it." Sam drawls out from the makeshift bed on stage as she props herself up on her elbows.

"For fuck sake Sam, you know what, fuck you and fuck this. I'm sick of being your dirty little secret. You treat me like shit all day, make my life hell and then expect me to run here and service you every night." Jess is furious now as stalks around the room looking for her clothes.

"Must we have this drama after every time we fuck." Sam asks, her voice lazy as she finally rises from the bed and slinks towards Jess, everything about her predatory.

She smiles seductively as she slides her body up next to Jess, she runs her hand up her thigh and harshly pulls Jess flush with her body.

"You think you can keep away from me?" She says as she presses her lips to Jess', Jess quickly submitting to the kiss.

Just as Sam's fingers reach the hem of Jess' top she seems to come to her senses and pushes the forceful girl away.

"No Sam, no. Stop doing this please, I just, I can't Sam." Jess wipes away a tear from her cheek hurriedly as she finally locates her jeans and pulls them on.

She gets to edge of the stage before turning back. "You are gay Sam, you like me no matter how hard you try not to. And as you put it, you like to fuck me so you are gay, you keep pushing me away and hurting me but you still can't stop yourself coming back to me. I don't know why but although I've tried not too, I've fallen in love with you and each and every day I hate myself a little more for being so weak and allowing you to treat me like this." She takes a deep breath as she brings herself to her full height, straightening her back, before glancing at Sam sadly. "goodbye Sam." She then leaves with her head hanging low.

The audience should now swivel to Sam just like I have, to see her reaction. For what seems like endless minutes there is nothing but silence. Sam stands taking deep breaths with her shoulders heaving, the audience should now be on tenterhooks as they wait, also like I am.

"Noooo." She screams as she sweeps things from her desk, she pulls posters down from her walls and continues to wreck everything that she touches, despair and destruction pouring from her.

She reaches up to her wall and pulls down the crucifix that hangs over her bed, she holds it in her hands and she takes in shuddering breaths, slowly stroking a finger down the light gold cross, before throwing it across the room, flinching as it smacks against the wall, "Why is it so wrong?" She asks softly.

Eventually the only thing that's left not broken is a snow-globe, she sinks to the floor, the snow-globe clutched tightly in her grip.

"I can't, I just can't." She says brokenly as she sobs on the floor.

"Everything was supposed to be easy, I was supposed to have the picture perfect life. Head cheerleader falls for the star quarterback, we go to college then on to successful careers and then marriage, kids and everything that follows. Not this, anything but this." She continues to say to herself as she stares at the snow-globe in her hands, tracing the glass with her fingertips.

"I was supposed to have the fairytale." She whispers softly, she lifts her arm up and slams the globe to the ground, the glass breaks and the liquid spills over the stage.

She then lifts it up and the audience are finally able to see what is in the globe, a large castle in the background with Cinderella and her prince charming in the forefront, possibly the most famous fairytale there ever was, one she would never have whilst she had feelings for another girl.

"I forgot to say, I didn't say...I should have...I love you too." She says with a another little sob as she slams the globe down and the castle and figures are smashed into the stage, she repeatedly slams the globe down as she continues to cry.

This is where the stage will go black and the interval starts.

"Fucking brilliant Berry, you totally smashed it, literally." Santana yells from the back of the theatre as she makes her way down to where I am.

"Thanks San." Rachel says smiling broadly as she gingerly gets to her feet, one of the guys who plays a jock at the school rushes on to clear the glass away and hands her a fresh globe. We aren't using them for every rehearsal but we did need to check that Rachel could break the glass easily and how far she has to be from the edge as we didn't want anyone in the front row suing us.

Santana grins at me as she jumps into the seat in front of me, kneeling so she can look at me. She has been here a lot and sometimes she interferes but most of the time it's been great to have her next to me, her new job as an agent means she can spend long bouts of time away from work meeting 'clients' and no-one ever suspects a thing.

"You can't come home tonight Q." She says hurriedly, glancing over her shoulder.

"Oh yes? Why would that be?" I ask smiling softly, I know full well what tonight is but I want Santana to say it.

"You know why." She says, still glancing over her shoulder.

"I don't, I was going to cook for Rachel." I say smiling even wider when Santana whips her head back to me, with a furious expression on her face.

"You better fucking be kidding me."

"Of course I am San, so what have you got planned for your anniversary?" I ask leaning back in the chair.

"Well obviously we are going to get our freak on, like major style, I've bought a little somethin somethin that Brit has just been dying to try"

"Ok, ok, no need to go into details." I say shaking my head and holding my hands up.

"Yeah well, if you let me finish I was going to say that before any of that, I've invited Mami and Papi over to New York for the weekend and they're coming over for a meal tonight. I'm going to tell them about me and Brit tonight."

I can't help my eyes widening slightly, this has always been the elephant in the room when it comes to San and Brit and it's such a huge step that Santana's taking.

"Wow and your just telling me this now?" I ask, it's not like I'm hurt I just thought that if she made a decision like this she would have told me before now.

"Well yeah, I mean I love you Q but you've had some crazy shit going recently. Figured your head was messed up enough with that, you know?"

"San, I know you hate the mushy shit as you put it, but your my girl yeah? I've always got time for you and if it seems like I haven't I'll make time. Have you thought this through? I just don't want your night to be spoiled." I offer, smiling at her worried expression.

"Yeah, done nothing but think about it. All of the fears about telling my family, I think it's always had more to do with me not being ready than the fear that they won't understand. Brits has been around for like forever and if I get my way it'll stay like that, and someday in the not too distant future I want to give her that huge kick ass wedding she's always wanted and I want my family there too, I thought it didn't matter but..."

"It really fucking does, doesn't it?" I say with a sad smile.

My parents are never going to see me get married, they're never going to see me have kids and they will never get to see how much one girl has changed things for me. I am more sure than ever that Rachel is my future, I want everything with her, I'm just waiting for her to catch up and whilst I've managed to win over her fathers I know she could never do the same to my parents.

Not long after Rachel kissed me back in high-school my father moved back in, he swore he was a changed man, he had seen the error of his and was glad to be given a second chance. I was horrified and I begged and pleaded with my mother to not let him back into our house, I could see it in his eyes that he hadn't changed, not really.

Within two months of him being home everything was the same as the day he left, the house felt like a church one wrong word and the whole place would crack under the strain, they were both fighting regularly, he went back to cheating, she went back to drinking and it was like the light had gone off inside of her for the final time.

The day I left and never looked back was the best day of my life, the freedom I had felt when I had taken the first steps of my new life without them was like nothing else I have ever experienced. I haven't even tried contacting my mother since, I was too worried she would tell my father where I was and he would try and drag me back to Lima, which is my worst nightmare.

"You should give her a call Q, anything could have changed." San says softly with a quick smile before she is pulled from her seat by a long pair of pale arms.

"Did you see me baby?" Brittany asks grinning as she continues to hold onto Santana.

"Damn right I did, you look so hot up there, half dressed." Santana says as she reaches behind her and strokes her hand down Brittany's face.

Brittany twirls Santana around in her arms, pushing her lips onto Santana's forcefully, causing her to stumble back a little before responding with as much gusto.

"Okay, I'm going to go find Rach and go back to hers, have a good night girls and me and Rach will see you tomorrow for your birthday night out Brit." I say making my way down the aisle, knowing that neither girl would be coming up for air anytime soon.

I make my way to behind the stage when I see Rachel standing with her back to the wall, Ashley standing in front of her, Rachel looks slightly panicked as she always does when she feels like she can't escape.

"Just take my number Ray, it can't hurt, you can give me a call whenever you feel..." I watch as Ashley runs her her hand up Rachels arm, and Rachel pushes it away hastily. "lonely." Ashley finishes.

I'm torn because I want to go up to Ashley and pull her back and slap the bitch silly, not only for making a move on my girl but for making Rachel feel threatened. But, we made a decision not to tell any of the cast we are together as we want to make the focus on the play and not us and Rachel didn't want people to think that the only reason she got the part was due to our relationship, she knows that no-one will care that we weren't together then.

"Rachel, is everything ok?" I ask, smiling when Ashley jumps away from Rachel, blushing slightly.

"Yes Quinn thank you, are you still needing a hand with some of the things from the set?" She asks, shooting me a grateful smile as she moves closer to my side.

"Please." I say, moving my attention to Ashley. "Is there a reason you're still here Ashley? I'm sure your scene was quite some time ago?" I ask, the HBIC tone of voice making Ashley shudder slightly.

"Well, yes, I mean I know. I just wanted to have a word with Rachel."

I nod and glance back to Rachel who has moved to my side, her head down slightly. I want to take her in my arms and kiss her but I know that Ashley will tell the rest of cast in seconds and then the press will find out and the whole of the play will fade into the background, the focus will be on mine and Rachel's relationship.

"So, are you finished talking to Rachel or is there anything else you would like to ask her?" I say with a raise of my eyebrow.

She shakes her head and scampers away from us but not before I hear her mutter "frigid bitch." I move to step after her, but Rachel grabs my arm and holds me in place.

"She is really not worth it." She murmurs, pulling me towards her. She glances around and slips her arms around my neck. "Hi" She says softly smiling up at me.

"Hi there." I whisper back, pulling her body flush with mine. "I've missed you."

"Missed me, I've been with you all day." She says with a little laugh that just fills me up.

"Not like this you haven't, my body seems to ache until your with me." I say grinning as she rolls her eyes and laughs at how corny I am.

"Who knew you would be the corny one Miss Fabray." She says as she taps me on the nose.

"You bring it out in me, it's totally your fault." I say grabbing her finger with my teeth, sucking on the tip of her finger lightly.

"Mmmm." She says softly, leaning her body into mine even more. "Lets go home." She husks out as I finally release her finger.

"Your wish, my command." I say with a large grin as I move away from her slightly.

We make it back to her apartment in record time, the air between us thick with sexual tension, we barely stop to chat with Ricky who simply winks at us and tells us to keep the noise down, leading to flushed cheeks and giggles from us both.

As soon as we shut the door behind us, I'm wrapped around her, my hands roaming and my tongue exploring.

She arches against me as she struggles to pull herself free of her tee, she has one hand tangled in my hair as she grapples with her top with the other one.

"C'mere." I say grinning as I pull back slightly, as soon as we have enough space between us I pull her tee off. "God, you are so fucking beautiful." I say pulling her body back to mine.

We still haven't slept together, it's never really felt like the right time. But, right now, the air between us is electric and I know she wants it just as much as me. It's in the way she arches her body up to mine or the way she gasps out my name as I run my hand down her body.

I pull her towards the bedroom, opening the door and letting her step across the threshold, smiling at her awestruck expression.

"Angel, when did you do this?" She asks.

I just shrug and smile as she steps further into the room, there's candles lit all around the room, a bottle of champagne chilling by the bed with chocolate covered strawberries by the side of the champagne bottle. The bed is littered with rose petals and soft music is playing in the background, a huge bouquet of her favourite stargazer lilies on her dresser. I wanted to go all out for her, this week has been so full-on and we have a couple of days off and I wanted to start it on the right note.

"It's beautiful, really beautiful as are you." She says her Rachel Berry megawatt smile in place as she comes back to me, to my arms.

I keep my eyes on hers, trying to convey everything I'm feeling as I back her up to the bed. She lands on it softly, moving back up it as I crawl over her body.

I trail a kiss from her lips down over her jaw and move my tongue down her neck, I smile into it as I hear her hiss out my name and runs her fingers through my hair.

I make quick work of her bra, unhooking it and throwing it across the room before lowering my lips to her chest. I look up at Rachel's face as I lower my tongue to one of her nipples, I lick the tip slowly, before opening my mouth wider and taking more of the rosy bud in my mouth, as my mouth closes around her breast and she moans my name out I feel desire shoot straight to my core. I continue my ministrations on her breasts, both nipples standing proudly erect and a little wet with my saliva as I finally move away from them.

I move my tongue and mouth further down her body, licking any available skin before I get to the waist band of her jeans, I pop the button open slowly, rolling the denim down over her hips and down those gorgeous legs of hers.

"Hmmm very naughty Miss Berry." I say when I realise she isn't wearing any panties.

She simply grins at me in response, I kiss my way up her legs, my fingers running lightly over her skin, following the path of my mouth. I move her legs apart and settle myself between them, glancing up to Rachel, she has her eyes closed and her lower lips clasped in between her teeth as she moves her body to my touches.

I separate her lips with my fingers before blowing lightly on her little nub, I tighten my grip on her hips as they shoot from the bed, she gasps and looks down at me, wide eyed.

"Good?" I ask, she nods and opens her mouth to speak, before shutting it again quickly. "What?" I ask.

"I, erm, god Quinn, I need you...now!" She finally gets out, blushing a little.

I feel my eyes flash with desire, as I let out what I can only describe as an animalistic noise as I move my tongue to her wetness. I groan again as I feel exactly how wet she is, I vaguely feel her fingers in my hair as I focus myself on her length, running my tongue up and down, flicking her clit whenever my tongue is near it.

"Oh god, oh fuck." I hear Rachel moan above me, I still can't get used to her cursing but I know that this time it's totally needed.

I continue to flick my tongue against her little bud, sucking it between my lips before nibbling on it gently as I bring my fingers up and slide one easily inside of her hot, tight hole. She yells out my name as her whole back leaves the bed. She yanks on my hair as I pull back my finger before letting it glide inside again, I pull away slightly and look up at her to see she is begging me to come up to her with her eyes.

I nod and remove my tongue from her clit, trailing my tongue over her quivering midriff as I move up so my face is level with Rachel's.

I adjust myself slightly, entering another finger in her and smiling as her face contorts with pleasure at the extra intrusion. I lick my lips as I take in Rachel beneath me, she has an adorable blush over her cheeks and a light sheen of sweat over her body as she clings to me. I'm making love to her and I can feel every inch of her as I do it and I absolutely love this feeling.

"Open your eyes." I whisper as I continue moving my fingers into her wet heat, I quicken the pace as her breath starts to come out in short bursts, I can feel her walls starting to clamp around my fingers as I start to curl them upwards on every inwards thrust.

Her eyelids flutter before finally opening and I fall into those big brown orbs instantly, she looks at me with such openness that I find my own breath catching in my throat.

"I love you, I love you, I love you." I chant after each thrust, twisting my hand slightly so my thumb presses against her bundle of nerves. Her eyes widen even more and her mouth drops open as her body shudders beneath me, gasping out my name as she tumbles over the edge.

My eyes never leave hers as I remove my fingers from her, leaving my thumb slowly circling her clit as she stares unblinkingly back at me.

"I love you too." She mumbles as her body continues to shake beneath me. Her eyes droop heavily and when I'm sure she has completely come down from her high I remove my thumb from her clit, smiling as she murmurs her disapproval at the lack of contact.

I curl my body around hers as her eyes continue to blink slowly and heavily, I'm still fully clothed and I smile as Rachel turns in my arms, trying to waken herself up as she pulls half-heartedly at my top.

"No, sleep, we have plenty of time for that." I say gently as I spin her back around in my arms so I can curl back around her form.

"Mmmm ok, but when I wake up, I promise we are going to put those strawberries to good use." She says, with sleep-laden voice before yawning and passing out in my arms.

I smile softly, knowing she will make good on her promise. I allow my own eyes to close, wanting to join her in the land of sleep, I hope that as usual, she is in my dreams as well as in my arms.

**AN2 – Soooo not too bad I hope? :-) xx**


	20. The past

**AN A huuuge apology for taking so long to update but if I'm honest I lost all motivation to write, I felt as if my writing was getting poorer and the reviews started falling too so I actually considering just giving up this story.**

**But after a little while away I began to miss writing it and I didn't want to leave you guys wondering what happened to this fic and never getting an ending, so as long as you guys want me to, I'll continue writing.**

**I own nothing, but if I did, Faberry would so be on. (After watching the mash-up how can anyone not see how perfect they would be together?)**

**xx**

_**Rachel**_

I know it's morning and that the sun is shining outside before I even open my eyes, the brightness of it feels hot on my closed lids as it stirs me awake, I groan and move around to reach out and feel Quinn next to me, I open my eyes a little more as I feel nothing but cool smooth silk, the bed is empty apart from me and it feels as though she's been gone some time. I hate how empty I feel when she isn't beside me.

I prop myself up on my elbows and look around my room, frowning when I see Quinn is nowhere in my room or in the en-suite. I groan again as I roll over and step out of bed, not bothering to pull any clothes on I make my way to the living area. I have always been rather confident about my body and the more Quinn tells me I am beautiful and lovable the more I am beginning to believe her. As soon as I open the door I smile as I catch sight of her moving around my kitchen, singing along to the radio as she makes breakfast.

I lean against the door-frame for a few moments taking in the sight of how utterly right it feels to have her in my apartment, moving around as if she's always been apart of it, we've stayed together a few times over the last few weeks, not as often as I would like but she was intent on giving me my space. After last night, the last thing I want from her is space.

After I had slept for a little while I had awoken with renewed vigour and woke up Quinn to put those strawberries to good use just like I promised her. We had barely slept but I still feel rested and I know that's partly because I know what happened between us last night was more than us just making love, it felt like the start of something, the start of our life together.

"You going to keep perving or come and eat?" Quinn's voice breaks through to me and I grin at her making my way towards her.

She quirks a perfectly sculpted eyebrow when she sees that I'm naked, pulling me close to her and kissing me long and hard, causing my breath to catch in my throat.

"If you expect me to keep my hands to myself Rach you're going to have to put some clothes on." She husks out, running a hand up my spine.

I press my body closer to hers, knowing she will be able to feel me through the thin material of her tee. I reli1sh the way she hisses in a breath and closes her eyes at the contact. "Or maybe you shouldn't" She says, surprising me as she spins me and lifts me up onto the counter.

She kisses me hungrily, putting everything she's feeling into the kiss and leaving me breathless as she lets her hands roam freely. "I much prefer you naked." She whispers out against my ear as she continues to move her hands, running them over my shoulders and down my spine setting my body alight.

We both groan as the buzzer goes off behind me, she keeps one hand on me as she leans over my body and presses the button.

"Yeah." She grunts out as she licks my jaw, before nipping the skin there gently.

"I'm so sorry Miss Berry, she was too distracting, I didn't even notice her grabbing the key. She has the key to your apartment." Benji, the other doorman to the apartment block stutters out sounding flustered.

"Who has? Who has a key?" I demand my whole body freezing, worrying about who it could be that has my doorman so scared.

Just as I finish I hear the door to my apartment being opened and I relax instantly as I hear a bored sounding voice.

"Fucking feel like a secret agent getting into this place, there better be breakfast...oh shit!" Santana says as she finally sees both me and Quinn, her eyes rake over me and a smirk slowly starts to take over her features.

"Rachel you are like totally hot and like totally naked." Brittany says in a cheery voice as she grins at me, also raking her eyes over my body.

I pull Quinn further in front of me, trying to shield my nakedness a little, talking over my shoulder to Benji.

"It's ok Benji, we've got it." I say and pull Quinn's hands away from the buzzer.

"Fucksake San, what are you doing here?" Quinn grumbles out, looking totally put out that our make-out session had been stopped too early.

"Can't a best friend pop over to see you and your, well, I guess Berry's like your girl now right?" She asks making her way to the table and sitting at it, grabbing some food as she does so.

I look down at Quinn who looks up at me with a small, hopeful smile on her face.

"Yes, yes I am." I say proudly, grinning as Quinn tightens her hold on me.

"Urgh god if Brits hadn't softened me up so much I would seriously be barfing right now, but as she has and last night was a roaring success, thanks for asking, I'm gonna be nice and say I'm happy for you two."

Brittany claps and jumps onto Santana's knee, wrapping her arm around her neck and grinning at the back of Quinn and at me.

"I think you're totally hot together, not as hot as me and Sanny but really, really close."

"Thank you, both of you but I really need to put some clothes on and in order to do that I would like it if you could both, well you know either leave or close your eyes." I say with a small grin.

Brittany nods seriously, "Sanny would totally peek but I'll make sure she doesn't." She says as she presses her lips against Santana's and holds her hands over her eyes at the same time.

I take that as my cue and jump down from the counter, making a run for the bedroom shrieking happily as Quinn smacks my butt lightly, I have to admit I am so relieved they came in when they did and not five minutes later.

When I return to the room, dressed in a pair of Quinn's sweats and one of my old workout tops most of the food has gone and Brittany was still on Santana's knee looking glowingly happy.

"Yeah so Sanny's mami and papi were so happy when she told them about us, her mami said that she was worried she would end up with some idiot like Fin ha ha, imagine Sanny with Finn, she would eat him alive and they said they both love me so now that we're out and proud we can go home more often." Brittany says through a mouthful of bagel.

I join them and send a small smile Santana's way, Quinn had told me how worried she was about telling her parents, fearful of their reactions. She smiles back at me with a small wink, before turning her gaze back to Brittany who continues to talk us through the entire evening with Santana's parents.

_**Quinn**_

I can't believe how perfect the day has been, spending it with Rachel and my two best friends doing nothing but watching films, eating junk food and now reminiscing on how pathetic I was when I was mooning after Rachel as Santana puts it.

"Oh, you should have seen her Berry, she came home from one of your shows looking shell-shocked. She looked at me and Brits and said _if she ever lets me within a few feet of her again I'll probably self-combust, her butt, her boobs god I'm dying_. Then she went into her room and we didn't see her again for nearly two days." Santana tells Rach as she tries her best not to laugh, sending me sympathetic glances from where she is seating dragging hair straighteners through her thick, shiny locks.

She is getting ready here before heading over to mine, Santana's and Brittany's apartment for us to get changed, she already has her make-up done and most of her hair and I'm dying to see what sexy little outfit she will put on for tonight.

"What about the time she saw the picture of Rachy with one of her co-stars and it was rumoured they were dating, she was so mad she didn't speak to us for nearly three days when we told her to come and see you and make you hers" Brittany says grinning widely and I groan and put my hands over my face, it's so embarrassing remembering how pathetic I was back then.

"Oh angel, you were really that into me?" Rach asks with a self satisfied smirk on her face, sending a little wink my way.

I head over to her, swooping down to kiss her softly, pulling away and staring into those beautifully expressive eyes of hers. "I was and I still am and always will be." I say before kissing her once more, I feel one of her hands come up and cup the back of my head as she deepens the kiss moaning deeply as I press my tongue against hers and my fingers start inching their way up her back and under her top.

I only pull away when something hits me on my back and Santana's gagging noises are too loud to ignore any longer.

"You can stop with the gagging San after some of the things you've said to Brit over the years." I say blushing slightly that I got so carried away in front of my friends.

"Yeah whatevs everyone knows I'm badass Q, no need to try and deflect with bullshit and lies." She says cockily going to put her arm around Brit who moves away from her slightly, a hurt expression on her face.

"Sanny, what about last night when you told me I was the stars and the moon to you and if you were ever apart from me it would kill me because our love has always been more real than anything else in this shitty little world." She quotes Santana word for word and my best friend looks suitably ashamed as she pulls Brittany into her arms.

"Of course I meant it baby girl, you are everything to me, always will be you know that. Just trying to put a front on as usual." She says in her soft voice reserved only for Brittany.

As Brittany snuggles deeper into Santana's arms she looks up at me and Rach, mouthing the word 'whipped' and winking at us causing us both to burst out laughing, only stopping when Santana sends a murderous glare our way.

-r-q-

"Come on Berry we have to be getting gone, I needs to get my sexy on." Santana yells through to Rach's bedroom as she paces back and forth, Rachel and Brittany have been in her bedroom for the past hour and I'm starting to lose patience as well as San. Santana wants to get back and get changed before her mami and papi get back from their visit with some old friends, she says that although both of her parents have been amazing she thinks two overly sexed couples in the same room may be pushing it too far.

We're barely waiting more than a few more minutes before her door opens and she steps out of her room, everything seems to stand still and the atmosphere in the room changes, becoming more charged and even Santana stops pacing, her eyes travelling Rachel's body before she nods approvingly.

"Yep, you look hot Rach, really hot." Santana confirms what my muddled mind is thinking, when Rach sends a huge smile Santana's way I know it's not only because of the compliment but because she called her Rach again.

"She totally does doesn't she Sanny, I wish we could keep her at ours and I could dress her up all the time and make her even more pretty than she normally is." Brittany says as she strokes a hand down over Rachel's perfect locks, looking at my girl as if she's a doll.

I'm still a little stunned, I mean it's not as if I don't know how hot Rach is. I've seen her naked but there is just something about when she's standing there in a barely there slip of deep blue material, clinging to her curves for dear life as it wraps seductively around her body and makes me wish I was that strip of material. Her legs looks longer than ever in a pair of high stilettos and I'm wondering how the hell I'm supposed to make myself look good enough to look like I belong to be sharing the same space as her let alone be hers.

"So, how do you think I look?" Rach asks me as she slinks her way towards me, my eyes following every movement of her hips until she is standing in front of me.

I let my eyes linger on her hips before slowly moving them upwards, until my eyes are captured again, this time by her breasts, they seem to have grown in size since I last saw them which can only be down to the wonder of an amazing bra. I feel myself wetting my lips as I think of being able to push down the cups of the bra and tasting one of her rosy nipples again, swiping my tongue around one before nibbling it slightly which always seems to provoke a reaction from her.

"My eyes are up here." I hear her say with a little burst of laughter.

I nod absent-mindedly, "Mmmhmm." I whisper out still imagining all of the things I could do to her if we weren't going out.

"What's wrong with Q, is she like memorised by Rach's boobs." Brittany says softly to San who chuckles lightly.

"Mesmerised babe, and yeah, she's being a total perv." San says earning a glare from me, but she has a point so I stand up and step up really close to Rachel, until she stops grinning at me, her pupils going dark as she realises exactly what I've been thinking.

"You look stunning Rach, as always. But I promise you I will not be keeping my hands off you all night and I won't be happy until you're screaming my name." I husk out, kissing her lightly on her cheek, my hand resting lightly on her hip, I feel like branding her in some way, to show everyone who even thinks of glancing her way tonight that she's mine, all mine.

"Hmmm, I'm glad this has had the desired effect then." She says softly, resting her hand on top of mine.

-q-r-

I look in the mirror and I'm finally happy with what I see, I'm not anywhere near as gorgeous as Rachel but I think I look like I could be good enough to be standing next to her.

I have my hair pulled back from my face in a sexily tousled way, I've chosen a red dress because I think it will work well with the darkness of her dress, that and I always feel so sexy in it. Mine is slightly longer than hers but just as equally as figure hugging, clinging to my hips and breasts, the strapless design leaves my chest and shoulders bare and I know that she loves that part of me, so I'm happy it's on display. I slip my feet into ridiculously high, black peep toe pumps and grab my black clutch before making my way out to where she is waiting.

She looks up as soon as I enter the room and her expression mirrors what mine must have as she sits with her mouth gaping open as she lets her eyes not too subtlety undress me, when her eyes finally reach mine, I'm a puddle of mess and I just want to, well, I just want to fuck her senseless. But just as I start striding across the room, convinced that when I touch her nothing will be able to stop me Santana and Brittany step out of their room hand in hand and I stop my progress, noticing Rachel's little pout in my direction.

My two best friends never fail to look absolutely stunning, Santana rocking out a little black leather mini dress which leaves very little to the imagination, while Brittany has gone for the shortest shorts I have ever seen and a nude coloured top that is so fitted it looked like a second skin, but with her body she can get away with anything.

After Santana has made a comment about clearly coming out of the room just at the right time to be prevented from being blinded again, we all leave. When we arrive at the club, they take one look at Rachel and usher us to the VIP section, one of the bouncers tells Rachel how much his boyfriend loves everything she does. She simply smiles graciously at him before signing a napkin and handing it back to him with a nod of her head.

"Only you Berry, would have a fucking pen in your clutch instead of lip-gloss" Santana says laughing as she brings back a round of drinks and shots from the bar.

"I can assure you Santana that as well as a pen I have all of the usual things needed to refresh myself on a night out, including lip-gloss, handy wet wipes and pen and paper also." Rachel nods at the end of her tirade and I laugh and kiss her softly.

"You are fucking adorable." I tell her, forcing a shot into her hand when she goes to say something back to me.

"Ok, first shot to Brit, happy birthday and I hope you got everything you wanted and even some things you didn't realise you wanted." I say tossing back the shot and wincing as the burning liquid made its way down my throat.

"Thanks Quinny, I got everything I wanted and now I know Sanny is gonna marry me because she introduced me to her mami and papi as her girlfriend." Brittany says with a huge grin as Santana chokes a little on her shot and she looks at us all with wide eyes before shrugging and smiling at Brit.

"Those two are so amazing together." Rach whispers in my ear as she leans into my side, I look around to see if anyone is around that may know of the show or of my involvement with it and when I'm satisfied I turn back to Rachel and pull her so she is sitting in my lap.

"Yeah, but we are too." I say before pulling her down for a passionate kiss, I don't know what I ever would have done if Rachel had never opened herself up to me, she's so amazing and the feelings she stirs in me are just unlike anything I have ever experienced before.

We have the most amazing night, full of drinks and laughter, teasing and dancing we are having such a good time that when it's time to leave I'm torn between wanting to go home and pay Rach back for some of the teasing tonight and wanting to stay with my friends to continue the night, but when we step from the club and Rach moulds herself to my side, her hands roaming everywhere they can reach I know the decision has been made for me. I barely glance at Santana and Brittany as Rachel pulls me from them, staying glued to my side as we slide into a cab, she yells out her address before attaching her lips to mine, I scoot over to far side of the cab with Rach crawling after me.

"Rach, stop, we're in a cab." I breathe out, moving my lips from hers, exposing my neck which she latches onto immediately. "Fuck" I say as she licks my pulse point sucking softly on the exposed skin.

"Don't care." She mumbles against me, moving so she is straddling me. My hands automatically move around her body, cupping her butt in my hands, kneading the gorgeous flesh there.

"Girls, girls, sorry to, erm, interrupt you both but we're nearly here." The driver says in an embarrassed voice.

Rachel pulls away reluctantly from me, staring down into my eyes, her mouth swollen and red, her eyes make-up smudged and her hair wild around her face. I watch transfixed as she licks her lips slowly, before curling them up into a smirk when she realises I can't take my eyes away from her. I run my hands from her butt to her hips, slowly moving them over her torso, my thumbs moving in circles over the thin material of her dress.

"I have never wanted anyone so much in my entire life." I admit breathlessly, feeling my breath catching in my throat as she moans and closes her eyes, her back arching slightly away from me before she lowers towards me again.

"I am so fucking close, just from your words." She says before pressing a kiss against my cheek and climbing off me, moving to the far end of the seat away from me. I frown and pout at her as she stares determinedly ahead.

I follow her moments, sliding my body against hers, resting my hand on her thigh and slowly moving it upwards. She reaches out and stops me, her fingers gripping my hand tightly.

"Seriously Quinn, so fucking close, please just wait until we get home." She pleads with me, still refusing to look at me.

"You are such a fucking tease," I whisper into her ear, nipping the lobe gently and grinning when she sucks in a breath. We both grin as the cab finally comes to a stop outside of Rachel's apartment.

I pay the driver, giving him a generous tip as he smiles at us and tells us we make a beautiful couple, Rachel tells me I'm a sucker for a compliment as she makes her way shakily in front of me, we both smile and nod at Benji as he waves at us.

She stumbles slightly as she enters the elevator, beckoning me towards her with a small movement of her finger. Even in my slightly inebriated state I remember being told about the first class security camera's in this lift, they leave no single space of the lift unaccounted for and that's what causes me to kiss Rachel but no more, trying to stop her hands is harder than I imagined though as she tries desperately to touch my skin in some small way.

When I remind her of the security camera's and tell her how awful it would be to have a sex tape floating about and how her career may never survive it, she looks at me for a moment. Arousal evident in her eyes as she raises one eyebrow, she seems to be contemplating her options before letting out a little huff and moving away from me.

As soon as the elevator open into the passage leading to her door, she jumps into my arms, wrapping her legs around my waist and laughing softly as I struggle to regain my balance before heading for her door.

I stumble again when I get to the door, pressing her up against it as once again our lips meet in a flurry of tongues, lips and wet heat. I just manage to get the door open without having to take my lips from hers before we're falling through the empty space where the door once was.

She lands with a thud and I land ungracefully on top of her causing her to let out a small grunt.

"So sexy." I say grinning and kissing her again, I move my lips from her mouth and trail wet kisses all over her face, making sure I leave no part of her face free from my lips.

"Off, off." She says impatiently as she starts to drag my dress up, gripping the material tightly in her hands.

Just as I move away from her so she can lift the rest of the material from me, a light is flicked on and everything is suddenly so bright it's blinding. I glance down at Rachel who looks as confused as I feel, as she looks from me to the light switch near the door and then back to me. I blink a few times to clear my vision so I can see clearly again when a voice makes me freeze.

"Rachel what in the world do you think you are doing?"

I recognise the voice instantly, how couldn't I not and look down at Rachel again to see she has her eyes closed tightly and is shaking her head from side to side as if trying to make everything disappear. She slowly opens her eyes and looks at me, the arousal gone, replaced by fear and concern as she mouths the word 'sorry' to me.

I shake my head slowly, before raising my gaze and looking at the woman who I hated but admired all at the same time, she had given me something amazing yet taken something just as amazing from me, even though it was at my insistence I still hated her a little for it.

"Shelby." I breathe out, swallowing thickly as her eyes widen at the realisation of who it is on all fours, dress around her waist, over her daughter.

**AN2 As I said at the beginning, let me know whether this story is worth continuing – also don't hate me I promise this won't harm Rachel and Quinn's relationship. x**


	21. Mistakes and Missed Chances

**AN : All I can say is a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed. I felt for sure you would all be fed up of waiting for an update and wouldn't give me the time of day...I'm so glad to say I was wrong. **

**I don't need reviews to write this but god they really, really with the motivational side of things, so keep them coming please.**

**Special thanks to oopsydaisyw for a lovely review (I hope you caught up on your sleep ;-)) and to NiamhusRaticus for making me laugh with her review :-) – and to all of you who reviewed really, you all made an unmotivated writer want to write again – it's good to be back :-)**

**Disclaimer – I own nothing, yada yada yada …. xx **

_**Rachel**_

I move my eyes from Quinn's horrified expression to Shelby as she looks just as stunned as my girlfriend does at the scene before her.

"Q-q-quinn." She stutters out, her eyes moving rapidly from me to Quinn, she even blinks a few times, I guess to check she's not dreaming.

I reach forward to place a reassuring hand on Quinn's arm, unsure of what emotions she will be feeling but she snatches her arm away, struggling to her feet where she pulls her dress back down, smoothing over it before staring wide eyed at me. She looks like a trapped, wild animal, about ready to bolt.

I was trying to avoid this reaction, trying to find a time to talk to Quinn about Shelby before they would have to meet each other again. I never even thought of this, or even thought for a second that they could meet this way. Now I'm terrified Quinn will either run or she'll close down on me, like old times.

What I'm not prepared for her to do is for her to take a deep breath before reaching out and offering me a hand so I can be pulled to my feet. Once I'm standing, she laces our fingers together and squeezes them gently.

"I think, well no I know that you have some explaining to do Rach." Quinn says softly nodding towards Shelby who still looks just so stunned.

I nod and clear my throat, "You're right, I guess we should all take a seat." I say motioning to the couch.

Shelby nods vacantly before shakily sitting down on the edge of the large love-seat opposite the couch, she sits with her back straight and her arms folded on her lap looking very up-tight. I sit next to Quinn on the couch, opposite Shelby.

"So, this is why you haven't been returning any of my calls." She finally says after the silence becomes too much for her. There are not too many people who love to talk as much as me but Shelby can definitely be classed as one of them.

"This, oh you mean Quinn, well partly yes, but she's not the only reason. I believe I made it clear that I just needed a little while to get my head around some, well, some surprising new developments in my life." I say firmly, I will not allow Shelby to treat Quinn badly. We may have been trying to be more civil over the years but we are a long way from a loving mother and daughter relationship that Shelby still hopes for, I have given up hope of having.

"I understand Rachel, I really do. New relationships are something you want to put one hundred percent of your energy into. But you are shutting me out, and it's not just me it affects any-more."

I hold my hand up to stop Shelby continuing as Quinn's hand tightens on my thigh, I look towards Quinn who seems to be looking around the room for something, I notice the fleeting appearance of fear in her eyes once more.

"She's not here." I whisper softly, hoping to reassure Quinn.

Shelby snorts, "Of course she isn't. I wouldn't just drag her to the other side of the city at this time of night, she's with Bill."

I look towards Quinn who looks relieved but disappointed at the same time, her eyes a little dimmer than before, but her grip loosens on my thigh.

"We can discuss Lizzie later." I say softly, ignoring Quinn's quick look my way. "Why are you here really Shelby?"

"I, erm well I was worried about you, when you weren't returning my calls I was beginning to fear you had gone back to her" Shelby hisses out looking from me to Quinn before bringing her eyes back to mine, with a softness in them I don't think I've ever seen before, it seems I have never been as good at hiding what I've been through as I once thought. Katie seems to have been universally disliked, even by people who don't know the full story of what she put me through.

I sigh and return Quinn's squeeze of my hand, she smiles sadly at me and nods.

"Thank you for being so concerned Shelby, but getting back with Katie is the last thing on my mind right now."

She smiles ruefully at me, her cheeks flushing slightly as she nods her head. "So I saw, so, when did all of this happen."

"A little while ago, but we have only become official recently." Quinn finally speaks up as she smiles down at me.

"How? I mean I didn't even realise you were in the city Quinn." Shelby says smiling gently at my girlfriend, she has always enquired as to whether I knew of Quinn's whereabouts over the years. She has been open with Lizzie and never hid the fact that she is adopted from her, but as she is nearing her eight birthday she is starting to get even more curious.

"Well, I mean it's a long story and no offence Shelby but why would you know where I was anyway?" Quinn asks frowning, confusion showing in her eyes.

"I have been writing to you and Noah for quite some time asking for updates on where you are both located for the time when Lizzie wishes to meet you both."

I raise my eyebrows unaware that Shelby would have gone to the trouble of trying to track them down for a day that may never have come, but then I remember that it seems more likely by the day of happening sooner rather than later.

"Writing?" Quinn asks confused.

"Yes, I mean I have stopped these past six months after the last letter saying that you didn't wish for Lizzie to know who her mother is as it would stir up too many conflicting emotions for you, I was disappointed but I have also tried to understand how you must have been feeling at that time."

I look at Quinn surprised that she would say such a thing, we have never spoke much about Lizzie or Beth I suppose she knows her as. But, I thought I knew her well enough to know that she would kill for a chance to get to know how her daughter has turned out and if she is happy and content, all of the glee club knew how hard it was for her to give her daughter away.

Quinn looks bewildered as she frowns at Shelby. "Listen Shelby, I'm not trying to say you're making this up but I can promise you I've never had a letter from you. I waited for you to send one like you always said you would, you said you would send me pictures of Beth, tell me how she was getting on but nothing ever came and when I moved out here I sent a letter to the last address I had for you but still I heard nothing." Quinn shrugs and looks so forlorn and it's just now that I realise how much not hearing about her daughter has affected her.

Shelby moves forward a horrified expression on her face, "Quinn you have to believe me I have sent you so many letters and photographs and contact numbers for you to reach me on, email addresses so I could email you things like her school reports. Ask Noah, he has received everything I have sent you. You can lay blame on me for many things." She adds softly, sending a sad and pointed glance in my direction before clearing her throat and continuing. "But not for withholding information about Lizzie from you, it's simply something I wouldn't and couldn't do."

Quinn nods slowly, chewing on her lower lip and I can see that her mind is working overtime as she tries to think of how she has not received any letters. Not even when she was still living back in Lima.

Her eyes widen and I can tell she is having a 'eureka' moment, she looks at me, her jaw set and her eyes hard, I can tell instantly what she is going to say.

"My parents." She hisses out. "They must have took the letters, the ones while I was still at home and obviously they have chosen not to forward most of my post on since I moved out so it makes sense they wouldn't forward anything from you Shelby, anything that would bring me any kind of joy."

I slip my arm around Quinn's shoulder and she moves closer to me, clinging to my side as she puts her head down on my shoulder. We sit silent for a little while, Quinn trying to take in this new information and me just waiting for her to ask the question she's been dying to since Lizzie was mentioned.

"What's she like? Beth...I mean Lizzie." Quinn asks finally in a soft voice.

I can't help the way my stomach clenches uncomfortably as Shelby lights up at the mention of her daughter. I feel a pang for something that never was between us, it could have been at one point and I wonder if she ever would have lit up like that when someone mentioned my name if she had taken the time to get to know me instead of replacing me. I swallow thickly and shake my head, I will not feel jealously towards Lizzie, I love her very much and none of this is her fault.

"She's amazing Quinn, such a little character. She looks so much like you and Noah and she is such a little diva, with tantrums and moods like you wouldn't believe."

I pretend not to notice the sly little smile Quinn sends my way, it's clear I get my diva like ways from my Dad as well as Shelby and as soon as I started spending time with Lizzie I knew she was very much like me when I was younger.

"She loves singing and dancing and while she's very outgoing she also has these moments where she likes to retreat into herself and she goes to her room with her journal and just writes away, for someone so young she has such an amazing mind. She asks about you a lot, she wants to know what you're like, whether she looks like you and well, I know sometime in the near future she will be asking to meet you."

I can tell it's hard for Shelby to admit that Lizzie wants to meet her real parents, but because she has been so open with Lizzie and told her all about being adopted it's make sense that she's so curious.

"W-what have you told her?" Quinn asks, raising her head from my shoulder slowly and smiling shakily at Shelby.

"That you were very young when you had her and that you loved her very much, that you still love her and I've told her about glee club and the cheerios, she knows she looks a lot like you, I didn't have any pictures but I told her that she has everything of you but your smile, that is all Noah, as is her hair. She was blonde for quite sometime but now she is very dark, almost black, she's stunning Quinn, she really is, you should be so proud."

Quinn shakes her head and looks down, "You should be the one who feels proud Shelby, you're the one who has raised her and made her everything she is now, not me. I just gave birth to her and then gave her away, I don't deserve to even breathe the same air as her, she deserves to continue her life without me messing it up." Quinn's voice shakes a little near the end and I lean towards her and wrap my arm around her shoulder, I go to speak but Shelby stops me with a raise of her hand.

I watch as she smiles sadly at me and moves to kneel in front of Quinn.

"Quinn, look at me please?" She asks softly, before reaching forward and lifting Quinn's chin up, my heart just about breaks when I see the tears drop from my angels eyes as she raises her head.

I never thought I would say this about anyone but she looks stunningly beautiful most times but when she cries she looks so damn pretty, the tears leaving little slivers of moisture down her cheeks that look like they are sparkling in this light, her bottom lip quivers slightly as she draws in a deep breath and squares her shoulders lightly ready for whatever Shelby has to say. She takes my breath away.

"Listen very carefully to what I have to say Quinn, because it is too hard for me to have to repeat. I know exactly what you are feeling right now, the feeling of not being good enough, of jealousy towards me who has gotten to see everything that you should have and the feeling that being in Lizzie's life won't enrich it."

Shelby glances my way and I feel tears well in my own eyes from the emotion in Shelby's voice, I had no idea that she felt this way or had ever felt like this.

"I spent so many years after Rachel's fathers contacted me in such a bad place, I had wondered every minute of every day how she was and what she looked like. Would she have anything of me in her, would she resent me and hate me and would she be happy with her life and know that I set out to do a wonderful thing for two men who couldn't have what they craved so desperately or would she think I had took one look at her and given her away without ever wishing I could keep her for myself." She stops for a moment to take a breath and wipes away a tear before taking hold of Quinns hands again.

"Do not do what I did Quinn, don't throw away a chance early on to get to know how amazing your daughter is, think about everything you can bring to her life. I can guarantee you if you wait until your brave enough, say ten yours or so your doubt will be so large you will end up destroying something which could have been such an enriching relationship."

I have no idea if Shelby is looking my way now as the tears are overspilling from my eyes with abandon, blurring my vision, I need to not make this about me and focus on Quinn. But, everything Shelby has just said is what I have been waiting my whole life to hear and I can't help but wish it was me as Quinn falls forward into my mothers arms...my breath catches as I call her my mother in my mind. I don't think I've ever thought of her like that, but knowing that this is how she has felt all along makes me so confused over all of the things that I have ever thought about her and about how she treated me back in high-school.

_**Quinn**_

I pull back from Shelby's embrace and smile at her, she looks just as moved as I feel and I know what she has just said came from the heart and has been something that she has needed to say for some time. As much as I felt like I should hate her for having what I should have had with Beth I never really did. I know she gave her everything I couldn't and a part of me has always respected her for that. The part of me that viewed her with suspicion was the part of me that is madly in love with Rachel. She hurt my little superstar and a part of me thinks that all of the abuse and insults thrown my girls way during high school was nothing compared to the hurt she felt from the rejection she received from her mother. It crushed her spirit and for so long after that I noticed a difference in her, she hid it well and most will never have noticed but when we became friends I saw it even more than I had when I was simply watching her every move. It was in everything she did and every word she said, she felt that abandonment more than anything else and it killed a part of her inside.

It's these thoughts that makes me turn towards Rachel, she smiles shakily at me, tears coursing down her cheeks. I know my face changes from upset to concern when she wipes away the tears and straightens slightly. She seems to shake herself internally and I know what is flying through her mind, she is trying to not make this about her, but I also know that despite everything she will have been waiting for this kind of a recognition from Shelby all of her life and I know it kills her to have to brush everything she is feeling to one side and focus on me but she'll do it because that's how amazing she is.

"Would you like to see a picture of her?" Shelby asks sweetly, smiling encouragingly at me.

I look to Rachel who nods encouragingly at me, I nod towards Shelby and she gets to her feet to move away from me. As she moves away I watch as she drops a hand to Rachels clasped hands and squeezes once causing Rachel to hitch a breath and once again struggle with tears.

I move my hand to Rachels thigh and grip it firmly before leaning in towards her. "It's ok to feel this, to be feeling this way." I whisper to her.

She looks to me, all huge dark eyes and shaky smile and nods once before leaning her forehead against mine, our eyes stay connected as she brings a hand up to my face, she strokes it down my cheek slowly only stopping when she cups my jaw in her hand. She presses a soft kiss to my lips before letting her breath watch over me as she tries to convey what she is feeling through her eyes.

"I'm so proud of everything you are and how you're handling this." She says softly, only pulling away from me when she hears Shelby clear her throat.

I drag my eyes from Rachels and look up at Shelby who smiles down at both of us.

"I don't even know anything about your relationship but I am so jealous of what you seem to have together." She says before handing over a small photograph.

I take it from her, my hand shaking slightly as I pull it towards me. I take a deep breath before lowering my eyes to it, I am convinced that my heart actually stops for a beat of two before thundering back to life.

I feel like I am looking at a picture of myself from when I was Beth's age, just with dark hair. I glance at Rachel who smiles widely at me, her eyes telling me that she agrees with me, she's gorgeous and I helped create her. I look more closely at the picture, the hazel eyes shining back at me like looking in a mirror, she has my face shape and she even has her head tilted towards the camera much like I do. Her creamy, pale skin against her hazel eyes and dark hair create such a startling beauty that it makes my heart ache, I would have so loved to watch her go from a fair haired baby into this beautiful little girl. She is smirking at the camera and Shelby is right, that is all Puck. I could look at her forever, take in each little detail of her face and burn it to my memory but most of all I have this uncontrollable urge to see her, to hold her hand and touch that precious little face. I gave birth to her, to this gorgeous little girl. Whilst I owe everything of who she is to Shelby, she will still always be mine, be part of me much like Rachel will always be a part of Shelby.

I swallow thickly and look up at Shelby, "Can I keep this please?" She nods silently before sitting back slightly, her eyes once again flicking from me to Rachel.

"Soooo." She drawls out, waiting until she has both mine and Rachel's attention before continuing. "I must ask again how did this happen?" She nods at me and Rachel smiling slightly.

"Rachel auditioned for my play." I say softly moving my gaze to the girl beside me, she glances to me and smiles before looking down again. I can tell instantly she's pulling back into herself again, it must be Shelby being here and everything she has said.

"You've written a play? That's brilliant, what's it about?"

"Isn't it time for you to be going Shelby." Rachel suddenly interjects getting to her feet and crossing her arms over her chest.

I watch Shelby's face fall as she smiles sadly and nods before standing up, I think she is going to step towards Rachel for a moment and so must Rachel as she takes a step back, she looks panicked for a moment before moving backwards.

"Quinn can see you out, I just, I need to get changed." She says shakily before practically running into the bedroom and slamming the door behind her.

A loud sigh from Shelby alerts me to her presence again and I turn to her with an apologetic look in her direction.

"I'm sorry." I offer simply with a shrug of my shoulders.

She shakes her head and moves past me heading for the door, before stopping and turning to face me.

"I've made more mistakes in my life than I care to admit Quinn, but not getting to know that wonderful woman in there when she gave me the chance, it will always be my biggest one. How I must have made her feel, so unloved and unwanted I will never forgive myself for that. I'm trying so hard to make it up to her, to somehow repair the broken bridges between us, but sometimes I feel like all I ever do is hurt her more and push her further away."

My heart is on Rachel's side and it always will be, but I can't help but feel for Shelby. She has made mistakes but she's not a monster and she seems genuine in wanting to know Rachel better.

"I'll help if I can Shelby, she needs you whether she wants to admit it or not." I offer.

Shelby smiles and nods at me, a tear dropping from one eye as she does so. "Tell me something about her, she never tells me anything and I just crave to know more about her."

"She's the most amazing person I've ever met and the strongest person I know. But, she has weaknesses that stem from her past and as much as you are trying to make it up to her so am I. If she can forgive me I'm sure she will come around."

She still looks eager for information on Rachel, so I lean against the wall next to the door and smile softly. "She has a heart of gold and gives her time to so many charities I'm surprised she has time for anything else, she has an awful addiction to terrible low budget horror films. She has so much talent that sometimes it scares me just how amazing she can be."

She nods with every new bit of information but when I mention her talent her face breaks out into a huge 'Rachel Berry mega-watt smile'.

"I have been to every single show of hers, I went to every competition during high-school, I've never told her that I've seen her that many times as I don't want her to be angry with me for refusing to get to know her only to follow her around like a groupy. I moved to New York with Lizzie soon after Rachel did just to be closer to her and if she moved again I would try my best to follow her again. I have worked with and seen some of the most amazing singers and performers the world has to offer, but when Rachel sings and she puts her heart and soul into it? There is no comparison she is going to be bigger than even she ever dreamed of and she deserves everything that comes her way."

I'm surprised as Shelby leans forward and pulls me towards her in a big hug, I pat her back gently and when she pulls back I can't help but be shocked by just how much she looks like Rachel, put them together and there is no way to deny that they're related.

"You love her?" She asks seriously.

"I do." I nod and smile softly.

"Then treat her right and we'll get along just fine, I'll be in touch in a few days as I know tonight has been a lot to take in." She hugs me once more before leaving.

I lean against the closed door for a few minutes trying to get my head around everything that has happened tonight. I never assumed I would see Shelby again and I had no idea that Rachel was in contact with her, but I'm not angry with her at all, it must have been a hard thing to just casually drop into conversation. But, as a first time meeting with your girlfriends mother goes that has to be one of the worst. Meeting her after all of this time whilst straddling her daughter is not the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I move towards the bedroom and push the door open, Rachel is under the covers with her back towards me.

"Rach." I whisper softly into the room.

I hear her sniffle slightly and then speak, her cracked voice just about breaking my heart. "Can you leave me alone for a little while please."

"Of course, come and see me when your ready little star, I'll be waiting for you." I say before closing the door behind me.

I close my eyes and rest my head against the door my heart clenching in my chest as Rachel starts sobbing in earnest on the other side of the door, she has heard things tonight that I feel like she has always wanted to hear, but I wonder if it's all just come a little too late for her.

**AN2 – If you liked it let me know! I couldn't make Shelby horrible, Rachel has had enough bad things happen to her so I hoped you liked my Shelby – Also... nearly 300 reviews! Yay! xx**


	22. Don't ever leave me

**AN : Again a big thank you for the reviews, everyone who has the ability to receive them I think I replied to you all to thank you individually. So I'll say a thank you now to the anonymous reviewers out there, every review means a lot, it only takes a second and it really does push me to update quicker ;-)**

**Disclaimer – I own nothing but I wished I owned it all :-) xx**

_**Quinn**_

I once again glance anxiously at the closed bedroom door before turning back towards my laptop, I only moved away from the door when I heard Rachel's sobs quieten down but she still hasn't come back out so I know I have to keep myself busy to stop myself going in and holding.

See for all Rachel craves being the centre of attention, for her to ask to be by herself means that she means business, I haven't learned everything there is to know about the new Rachel yet but I have, thankfully, picked up a few things. She will come to me when she wants but not before so I know the wrong thing to be would be to push her while she's hurting.

I set back to re-working some of the scenes near the end of the play, Brittany of all people had offered her insight into some of the scenes and I had been impressed with her comments. I wasn't doing anything major as that wouldn't fair to everyone on board but I wanted to make the play the best it could be, I wanted to make Rachel proud. My fingers slow on the keyboard as once more my mind slips to my brunette. I always had some kind of idea in my head about what life would like with Rachel, how I would feel, how it would be to be able to kiss her and hold her but I don't think even my dreams could have prepared me for just how amazing it is. She is everything I have ever wanted and somehow she has managed to turn me into this absolute soppy mess, I would quite easily spend every available second with her if I wasn't so afraid of suffocating her.

"Hey gorgeous."

I spin around in the office chair at the sound of Rachel's tear strained voice, she shuffles nervously in front of me looking so damn cute. Her head is bowed slightly, her thick glossy locks hanging partly over her face as she gazes at me, chewing her bottom lip between her teeth. She has changed and is wearing a pair of indecently short shorts and a white vest, she shuffles her feet and raises her eyebrows at me in a questioning way.

"Hey, c'mere." I say motioning to my lap, she slips her knees on either side of my sides, effectively straddling me as she burrows her head in the crook of my neck as I wrap my arms around her, moving my hands up and down in a soothing motion.

"Sorry." She mumbles into my neck, her lips causing a shiver to run through me.

"What for?" I ask pulling back from her and pushing her hair back from her face, her eyes are slightly puffy and bloodshot but those big brown eyes still show everything she's feeling.

"For making this all about me, as usual." She chuckles softly. "I know you have had a lot to process I really do, but everything that happened. It just brought up so many feelings and god I don't know." She finally exclaims and rolls her eyes at herself.

I keep both of my hands on her face and rub my thumbs over her skin in a soothing motion, like I had done with her back.

"Listen to me Rach, you're right I have a lot to process, but I know that I'll be fine because I have you. I want you to feel that way too, because you do, you do have me and I'm here for you to listen to what you have to say ok?"

She nods slowly before moving her head into my caress.

"Thanks, I didn't mean to push you away earlier, I just needed a little time, to, well, to cry I suppose." She smiles softly at me.

"Shelby, she's been trying so hard since she came back into my life, it's not like I can't see that, I really can. It's just that every-time I'm in her presence I just go straight back to 'high-school' me and I feel just like I did then, I feel like I'm not good enough, that I never was and I never will be." She instantly looks a little lighter when she says that, as if she's been carrying it about with her for far too long now.

"I know that's not her intention and she really wants to make things better, but I can't help but think that if I wasn't good enough for her to want to know me then, then why now?"

"I don't ever think it was about you being good enough Rach, I think it was more of Shelby fearing that she wasn't. I'm not saying that I know exactly what was going through her head back then, I think you have to speak to her about that but I know one thing for sure, her face when she was talking about you after you went into your room? That wasn't the face of someone who didn't think you were good enough, she knows Rach, she knows how amazing you were back then and how much more amazing you're becoming and she wants to get to know you."

Rachel stares at me, tilting her head slightly as her eyes bore into mine. "Do you think so?" She asks softly.

"I do, but I also think you do too am I right?"

She nods and smiles widely at me. "I love you more than I ever thought possible Quinn Fabray and I love that you know what I'm thinking." She stays silent for a long moment before looking back at me, a flirty glint in her eyes. "Now Miss Fabray I demand that you take my mind off how shitty this night ended." She says her beautiful lips spreading across her face into a large grin.

"It didn't end shitty little star, just not as I had hoped." I say with a smirk and a wink as I let my fingertips graze the soft skin underneath the bottom of her vest, marvelling at the goosebumps that rise under my touch.

"Oh really? How did you hope it would end?" She asks with a giggle as I continue to move my finger-tips further underneath her top eager to feel as much of her as I can.

"Oh I don't know, with maybe a little of this." I say dragging the vest up along with my hands as they continue there exploration of her skin. As the vest rises it exposes her tanned, toned stomach to me, the muscles clenching under my hungry stare as she awaits my next move.

I lean forward and press a kiss to her stomach, grinning as she shifts in my arms letting out a little groan. No-ones skin has ever tasted like Rachel's does, like it was made purely for my taste-buds, my favourite taste is her. I pull the vest all the way off and throw it to one side, without taking my eyes away from her breasts, so grateful she chose not to put a bra on.

I glance up into her eyes before moving my lips to the rosy bud on her right breast. I swirl my tongue around it, taking as much of it in my mouth as I can, sucking softly before pulling back slightly to flick my tongue over the erect bud. My hand has worked it's way up to her other breast reaching the glorious flesh and squeezing firmly grinning as she gasps out once more. I love everything about her, but especially the way she moves and moans and groans as I do things to her. I have been turned on before and needed to be with someone but not like this, I've never felt need like this in my life, it consumes me. I feel like I could never have enough of Rachel, she yelps when I bite down a little roughly on her breast but she isn't feeling pain as I can feel her legs spread wider on top of me as she bucks her hips into thin air. Her body is calling out for me so I scrape my nails down over the breast I had been playing with, I finally reach the top of her tight sleep shorts. I play with the hem slightly as I attempt to take even more of her breast into my mouth, trying to own her and mark her as mine.

"Fuck Q." She husks out, the tone of her voice causing a jolt of electricity to go straight through me and down to my core.

I move my mouth and tongue up to her neck sucking and licking on her pulse point, my fingers now trying to work her shorts down, without her having to move away from me, I'm so desperate for her I don't want her to be away from me at all. After a few attempts at trying to wriggle my fingers down between the tight space I finally lose my patience and pick her up and place her, standing, on the floor in front of me.

I lick my lips as I watch her chest rising and falling as she gulps in oxygen, both nipples standing erect from the attention from my tongue and fingers. When my eyes meet hers, hazel on brown I feel my breath catch with the intensity of her gaze as she devours me with her eyes.

"Off" I order raising my eyebrows and gesturing at her shorts.

For a second she looks as if she is going to deny me or ask me to ask her nicely but I lean forward and pinch her right nipple between my fingers, rolling it gently before pulling back and away from her completely with a small smirk as she gasps and narrows her eyes at me.

"I want to fuck you and I want to fuck you now Rach." I say softly, before sitting back and grinning as she nods, her mouth hanging open before ripping her shorts off eagerly nearly falling over as she throws them behind her.

She mounts me quickly and attaches her mouth to mine, I kiss back just as eagerly. I try to catching my breath when she pulls away but she quickly reattaches her mouth to mine and starts rocking her hips into my lap. I've never hated kissing, but, it has never been a major thing for me, always having mediocre experiences with kissing. With Rachel it's completely different. She seems to devours me with her lips, fuck seeing fireworks she short circuits my brain and all I can see is Rachel. With a final tug on my bottom lip she pulls back, staring me hungrily in the eyes.

"I thought you wanted to fuck me?" She asks winking.

I nod, a little dazed before realizing what I could be doing instead of just staring at her. I drag my fingertips from her neck, down over her chest again, scratching her stomach slightly as I continue before getting to where I know she wants me. I wink back at her as I twist my hand and slide my fingers through her wetness relishing her gasps as I continue to move my fingers through her folds, once again learning the feel of her, memorising it to memory, every-time with her is like the first time.

"So wet." I say smiling as Rachel throws her head back as I find her clit, I encircle the bundle of nerves and think about continuing to tease her but then she groans out and lifts herself from my lap slightly. I know what she wants so I move my finger down sliding the middle digit in up to the knuckle.

"Fuck, god, fuck, yes." She rants as she starts to move on my finger, I love that whilst during most normal days swearing isn't something that Rachel does a lot of, but when she's like this, in this place, it's all she does.

As she continues her movements on my finger, effectively riding my hand. I lower my lips back to her neck once again relishing the taste of her, whilst sliding another finger in feeling her stretch easily to accommodate me. She simply grunts and continues her movements, I start to thrust my fingers up slightly to aid her as her hips continue to buck wildly. Having dreamt about this for so long means that now it's happening it always feels like a dream until she does something like what she does next. Which is grabbing my hair roughly as she buries her head in my neck and continues to ride my fingers hard, the little gasps of breath she's taking and low groans driving me crazy.

"You feel so good babe, so slick and smooth and fucking glorious, I could fuck you all night and it still wouldn't be enough." I say into her hair as she bites down on my neck hard causing me to buck my own hips driving my fingers even further inside of her. I have been able to say things like this before, I've never felt open enough with someone to let what I'm truly thinking spill from my lips, but I know with Rach she won't judge me. I just want her to feel as good as she makes me feel just by being in my life. As I pulse my fingers in her, curving them slightly with every thrust all I can think of is making her scream my name.

I slide another finger in without warning, loving the way she grunts and bites down harder on my neck. She moans out my name into my neck and bucks her hips a little harder into me. I can feel her begin to shudder sightly as she continues to move. I move my hand around once more so I can press my thumb onto her clit, I tap my thumb onto her clit and I know instantly it's doing the trick.

"Oh my god yes." She yells out as she throws her head back, her lips finally leaving my neck. I can feel the slight sting as the air hits the bite mark and I know it's going to hurt like hell tomorrow. But, I can't bring myself to care, she is so worth it. I continue my thrusts, knowing that I could never grow tired of her this, not just fucking her but just being with her, having her in my arms.

I feel her nearing the edge as she rolls her hips into me a few more times, I feel like my thrusts have taken on a slightly aggressive edge but she seems to welcome it as she pushes herself onto my hand roughly. I press firmly onto her clit circling the bud quickly as her breathing quickens even more and her body goes rigid, I watch in wonder as her eyes fly open and she locks onto me, seeming to see me for the first time as her whole body shudders and shakes in my hands, she says my name as she topples over the edge, repeating it as she can't get enough of the sound of it.

"Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn." She chants as she continues to shudder with the after effects of her orgasm as she rests her head into the crook of my neck, licking the bite mark there, easing the burn with the wetness of her tongue.

"That was amazing Quinn," She says quietly, her voice shaking slightly.

I smile and let a little laugh as I nod my head in agreement. I've never felt as close to her as I do right now. I am not sure whether she feels it to, but something feels like it has shifted between us. She has changed me in the most basic of ways, I know now that she is my life and I don't want to do anything without her by my side. I was pretty happy with how my life was before her, just going along my days knowing that if nothing else I was pleased with the person I had turned into, but she just adds to that in the best possible way.

"I love you." I say in her glossy locks.

She pulls back, her eyes glazed over as she blinks at me as if trying to clear her mind. She tilts her head slightly and smiles softly.

"Yes, I think you just showed me." She says huskily.

She presses her lips to mine, those plump lips moving effortlessly over mine in a slow and seductive manner. She slips her tongue into my waiting mouth, our tongues moving languidly together. I pout when she finally pulls away from me.

"I love you too." Rachel says softly. "You do know you're still inside of me don't you?" She giggles as I look down and chuckle.

"So I am." I remove my fingers from her, moving them up to my mouth to take a taste of her.

Just before my fingers reach my mouth she stops me, gripping me by the wrist before lowering her own my mouth to my fingers. I watch in awe as she encircles my fingers with her tongue, closing her eyes as she tastes herself. I moan as she sucks on the fingers in earnest, I bet she has no idea how hot she looks right now.

She looks thoroughly debauched as she licks her own juices from my fingers. She pulls back and smiles at me.

"I just wanted to see how I taste." She offers up with a small shrug of her shoulders.

"You taste like the finest wine or the most juiciest of fruits, fucking beautiful." I say before claiming her lips as mine, tasting the unique taste of her on her own lips.

"Sometimes I have to remind myself that you're not joking around with me." She says with a small shake of her head.

I pick her up in my arms, wrapping her legs around me as I move us towards her bedroom.

"The only thing I still possess from my high-school years is the strength from being on the cheerios." I say jiggling her slightly in my arms as I continue to move through the living area. "Nothing else still remains. When I walked away from you back then it was the stupidest thing I have ever done, well other than the way I treated you afterwards of course. I will spend every minute we're together trying to make it up to you in any way I can. If that means you make fun of me for being sappy or corny I really don't care because I'll continue to tell you how amazing you are until you believe it." I throw her onto her bed where she lands with a large grin.

"I think you're sappy and I think you're corny but you know what? It's just the tip of the iceberg of what I love about you. You do make me believe in myself and you make me believe that you'll never hurt me or leave me." She looks suddenly vulnerable as she takes her lower lip in between her teeth and looks up at me with those big shining pools of brown. "So please," She says her voice breaking slightly. "Don't ever leave me Quinn, I've had a taste of what life is like with you in it and I never want you not to be here."

I nod as I crawl onto the bed, I wrap my legs around her waist as I encircle as much of her as I can.

"I can't promise you much Rachel, I can't promise you that this play will be a hit or that I'll always be upbeat and never have a mood swing. I can't even promise you that we won't fall out, but I can promise you that we will always talk and we will always work through things together and that I will never ever leave you willingly. If you ever shrink back into yourself and try and push me away again it won't work, you will have get someone to physically remove me from your life, you hear me Rachel." I say pulling back to look at her.

I'm relieved when I see that she isn't crying she looks reassured and she nods and moves her head onto my chest. I hope she truly believes me because it kills me to think of how many people have hurt her in her life, including me. And I mean it when I say I will be making it up to her for as long as she'll let me.

"I believe you, I really do." She whispers softly into the darkened room.

**AN2 – Sooo I hope you all liked it, writing sexy-times makes me very nervous so I hope it was ok, who thinks it's about time you get to read about Quinn getting her sexy-times from Rach? xx**

**AN3 – Oh yeah, please review! xx**


	23. What are you waiting for?

**AN : Once again thank you so much for the reviews! I enjoy reading them so much and I love hearing what you want to see next.**

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter and as always...review and let me know :-)**

**Disclaimer : I've asked nicely but they still won't give me glee :-( xx**

_**Rachel**_

Last night had been, well, eventful if nothing else. Like most of my life it turned into a roller-coaster ride of emotions, but all in all it ended well. Who am I kidding it ended amazingly well, Quinn makes me feel like I can do anything and last night had been so so hot. It wasn't just the sex, I felt like we had this amazing connection, this moment of absolute clarity where I just knew I would be spending the rest of my life with her.

I roll over slightly onto my side to look down at Quinn, she is curled up next to me, her head close to my chest. I take a moment to linger on her face and relish how peaceful she looks before I rake my eyes over the rest of her. The smoothness of her slightly curved back, the slope of her hips and the length of her long legs even when tucked into her body. Every little thing about her is perfect and no matter how much I look at it I can't believe she's mine.

Not many people can say they have everything they have ever dreamed of, I certainly never thought I would get this part of my dream. I've always been confident of my talent even if I did come close to giving up a few times I never doubted that I could sing the hell out of most songs. But, I never thought I would have Quinn to share my life with, it's still early days but we have this undeniable pull to each other and unless one of us messes this up I can't see how it can go wrong, I just hope I can keep my insecurities in check.

My attention is brought back to Quinn as she breathes out my name, I look back down at her and she blinks up and me, a slow smile transforming her already beautiful face and stealing my breath away. She looks at me like no-one ever has before and sometimes even I get a little frightened about the love shining from those beautiful eyes. Not because I don't feel the same, I'd be crazy not to. But, because I do feel the same and a small part of me is a little afraid to give myself up completely to this feeling just in case she leaves me or hurts me. Last night had calmed those fears somewhat but I know it's mainly time I'll need to get over it and learn to trust her feelings and mine.

"What's going on inside of that busy mind of yours Miss Berry?" She asks softly, rolling onto her back and stretching.

Once again my eyes drop straight to her body, when she arches her back her breasts push up invitingly and I notice her nipples are already reacting to the slight chill in the air, standing erect and proud.

"Other than this." I say swooping down and pressing a kiss on each nipple, keeping my face at level with her chest I look up at her. "Nothing you need to worry yourself about, just a pinch myself moment." I say with a slight blush.

"If it helps I can pinch you?" She asks with a wink.

"Or I can pinch you." I say huskily, tweaking a nipple and grinning as she hisses out.

"I can also lick you." I say softly, leaning forward and licking the slightly red bud I have just tweaked.

"Fuck Rach." She growls at me, throwing her head back, her hands reaching down and skimming over my hips.

I gently push her hand away from me and pull away to look down at her, reaching up to brush her hair back from her face.

"No, this is your time, this is all about you." I say firmly, I move her hands above her arms and wrap her fingers around the wrought iron of my ornate headboard. "You keep them there, or I stop ok?" I smile when she nods, her eyes wide with anticipation.

I smirk and lower my lips to hers, pressing a firm but light kiss there before moving down to her jaw line, I let my tongue trail along the slope of the jaw before letting it trail down her neck. Her body seems to hum underneath me as she squirms and tries to get her body closer to mine. She moves her head to one side to give me more access to her long neck, as she tilts her head I catch sight of the bite mark from the night before, I feel a slight jolt of heat in my core as I see it. I soothe the mark with my tongue, kissing it gently before moving down.

"Fucking hell babe." She hisses out as I let my tongue trail down between her breasts nibbling on the side of each one.

"I love your breasts, I love how they feel." I say cupping the right one firmly with my hand, grinning as she wets her lips and stares at me. "I love how they taste." I say licking the other one, the taste of her skin making me hum with satisfaction.

I grin and look up at her as I open my mouth and lower it over her nipple, swirling my tongue around the bud as I pull away. I graze my teeth gently over the skin around the bud, before nibbling on it gently. I trail my tongue from one to the other, moving my hand away to accommodate my tongue. My tongue moves slowly, I'm relishing the time we have. I could spend all day doing this, letting my tongue trail over every inch of her skin. When I blow gently on her nipple she arches her back and squirms once more beneath me.

"Rach I need you, like now." Quinn says urgently.

I look up into her eyes and smirk. "All in good time." I whisper into her skin, moving my mouth back down, kissing the valley between her breasts.

I watch in wonder as her stomach muscles clench beneath my tongue, I lightly scratch down her sides as I kiss around her bellybutton before dipping my tongue in swiftly, she grabs a handful of my hair and tries to push my head down.

"Oh no, no, no I'm sorry." She says hurriedly as I pull away from her completely, my knees on either side of her body as I lift myself off her.

"Hands." I order, raising a brow, she quickly re-attaches her hand to the headboard, nodding eagerly at me to continue.

I smile broadly, leaning forward and running my fingertips down her body. I rub my fingers into her stomach lightly, moving out slowly in light circles. I can tell Quinn wants me now as I can see that she is struggling to keep her hands on the headboard as she bucks her hips up, moving me slightly as she does so.

"Eager?" I ask softly moving my fingers further down her stomach, keeping up the movements as her chest heaves and she starts panting slightly.

"Always for you." She gets out between pants, "Please baby..." She pauses as the word baby passes her lips, she looks like she wants to take it back and I wince a little at the name that Katie had called me. But it sounds different coming from Quinn, less like she is patronizing me and more as a term on endearment.

"Say it again." I say softly, encouraging her with a nod of my head.

"Baby, baby, baby." She whispers out, the word falling from her lips like she's been dying to say it to me.

I smile and lean forward catching her lips with mine in a bruising kiss, passion filled and full of tongues and teeth clashing. When I pull away with a small nip of her lower lip she looks flushed and her pupils are wide with desire.

"I like it when_ you_ say it." I offer with a shrug, she breathes out and I can tell she's relieved.

I move back down her body, kissing her stomach as I go. I settle myself between her legs, and spread them slightly, taking in the sight of her before me, so open and wet and so, so ready for me.

"I love that I can do this to you." I say stroking a finger through her folds once, pulling it out and slipping it in my mouth. I raise my eyes to hers as I suck her juices from my finger, she swallows thickly and whimpers slightly, so I repeat the process again.

"So fucking wet for me." I husk out as I lean forward and take my first lick of her, running my tongue firmly from her entrance to her clit, swirling my tongue around the swollen bud before moving it back down to her entrance.

"More baby, I need more." She says urgently bucking her hips furiously up to my face.

I chuckle lightly, the vibration causing her to hiss out and yell my name. I reach up an arm and lay it over her hips, pushing down slightly to keep her hips on the mattress.

"I think." I pause to take a quick lick at her entrance again. "I can make you cum just like this." I take another lick, this time a firm broad stroke through her folds. "Without my fingers even entering you." I say decisively as I attach my mouth to her clit, sucking gently on the bud before lapping at it with quick flicks of my tongue.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."

Is all I can hear falling from Quinn's mouth in between deep moans and little gasps as I continue to apply my tongue to every inch of her folds and clit. I slip my tongue into her entrance slightly, before moving back up to her clit, she's so close now I know it won't take much. Her hip's are bucking so wildly my arm is struggling to keep them down and I can hear the straining of the iron of my headboard as she grips on for dear life.

I clamp my mouth down on her bundle of nerves, sucking licking and nipping in quick succession my eyes focussed on her glorious body as it arches from the mattress, the slight sheen of sweat making her body look like it's glowing, her hair wild and her mouth open as she gasps in gulps of air.

I pull away slightly to blow on the bundle of nerves before attaching my mouth to it again, my tongue moving rapidly until her whole body shudders underneath me and she screams out my name until her voice sounds raspy. I bring her down slowly, with soothing, slow licks through her folds, tasting her before kissing my way up her stomach and snuggling into her side.

I look up as I wrap an arm around her midriff and notice that she still has her eyes shut and is still clutching onto the headboard, her knuckles white.

"Quinn, you ok?" I ask softly.

She swallows thickly and opens her eyes slowly, blinking a few times before she focusses on me. She lets go of the head board, one arm automatically moving to my lower back pulling me closer to her, the other flopping by her side uselessly. She swallows again before speaking.

"I saw fucking stars, like legit stars." She says, her voice still hoarse.

I laugh and nuzzle my head into her neck. "You sound like Santana." I say.

"Don't care, god, that was straight up fucking mind-blowing." She shakes her head slowly as if she's confused.

I chuckle again and kiss her neck softly.

"Soooo I've been thinking...why don't you move in with me?" I ask quietly, my breath catching as I wait for her reaction.

She's silent for a lot longer than I like before she finally sighs softly. "I want to Rach, I really do but I don't think we should rush this. Everything is so amazing right now isn't it?"

I keep my eyes fixed on her jaw as she speaks, my heart clenching painfully in my chest. "Yeah everything is amazing and that's because you're here all the time Quinn. I just want to make that, well, a bit more permanent." I say, I can hear the slight quiver in my voice but I hope Quinn can't.

"Well how about if we wait for a couple of weeks, keep things the way they are and then if we're still getting along this well and if everything is still perfect then can start to plan me moving in."

I sit up slightly, sticking my bottom lip out as I do so. "I just don't see the point in waiting Quinn, life's too short and all that rubbish...unless your not sure about us?" I ask slowly, praying for the answer to be no, but my stomach churns until she sits up hurriedly, turning to face me and taking my hands in hers.

"Listen to me Rach, there is not one thing about us that I'm unsure of, not one thing." I feel the pressure of her finger under my chin until my eyes meet hers. "You can't keep doing this every-time I disagree with something you suggest you know? You have to have more faith in this?" She leans forward and kisses me softly. "Just give me a couple of weeks, just to get my head around this and how the girl I've wanted for so long wants me right back, let me talk to Brit and S about moving out. Just two weeks please?" Her hazel eyes burn with sincerity and I find myself nodding, knowing that even if she had said to give her two years I would have said yes.

"I'm just so impatient and I want everything right now, it's like an illness." I say pushing her back to her previous position and curling myself around her once more.

"It's fucking adorable is what it is." She responds softly. "Have you got any plans today?" She adds tilting her head to look down at me.

"Yeah, just a few things to do round the apartment and a few errands I need to run, are you staying or do you have other plans."

"Well, I actually promised I'd spend some time with Santana today, Brit has a class to teach this afternoon so I promised to keep her company. I could bring her over here though?" She suggests hopefully.

I love that both of us want to be together so much, I can tell she regrets telling Santana she would spend the day with her. But, I also am aware of what she has just been saying about not rushing things, we both need to spend time apart occasionally to appreciate the time we spend together so much more.

"No, no, spend time with Santana I've got plenty to do, but you better be coming back tonight." I say with a playful shove of my shoulder. She laughs and I grin as she does, that sound is quite quickly becoming one of my favourite sounds ever.

_**Quinn**_

I grin as Rachel grips my hand tighter as we step out of the elevator, she looks up at me and juts out her bottom lip.

"Ok, I give in, I can't leave." I say decisively, turning and pulling her back towards the elevator. She laughs and pulls on my hand until I'm back in front of her.

"You have to, this is ridiculous, I need to prove to myself that I can spend time apart from you and not crumble." She finishes with a little nod and once again I feel like dragging her back to the apartment.

"I know, but it's different now, we're closer." I whisper pulling her into my arms and sighing contentedly as her head fits under my chin perfectly.

"Oh goodness me look at the state of you two." Ricky's booming voice yells as he comes towards us.

He grins as we turn towards him, holding his arms out widely for a hug, we look at each other smiling softly before throwing ourselves at him. His big arms hold us close effortlessly before he releases us and stands back grinning widely.

"I have never been so pleased to see two people so in love before." He chuckles as he kisses the top of Rachel's head and holds his hand up for a fist bump from me.

I oblige before sliding my arm around Rachel's waist. "Thanks Ricky, I'm just going to go spend some time with my friend." I say my gaze dropping back to Rachel as she pouts again.

"Oh and our little star does not look happy about this does she?" He nods at her and she giggles before kissing me on the cheek.

"I just want to stay wrapped up in her arms forever, I'd say it was pathetic but I don't really care."

I pull her closer to let her know that I completely agree with her, "What can I say Ricky, I'm irresistible." I say with a large grin as she nips my side lightly.

He laughs loudly and moves away from us as his phone start to ring. "You'll be back before long Quinn, I see how you look at our star, you're fooling no-one." He says with a wink as he enters his small office.

"Busted." I say softly into her hair, kissing her on top of her head.

"You have to go now and you have to go without kissing me." Rachel says suddenly pushing me away from her.

It's my turn to pout as I look back at her, a frown taking over my face as I go to step closer to her. She stops me with a hand as she raises it in front of her.

"I'm serious if you kiss me again or hang around any longer there is no way I'm letting you leave, please don't let me be that pathetic!" She says smiling softly at me.

I grin and laugh at her, she's totally serious and she is so completely Rachel Berry right now it's unreal. I nod at her and turn away before turning back just as quickly and reaching her in seconds, I wrap my arms around her and press my lips against hers firmly. I feel her start to respond to my lips so I pull back slightly, nipping her plump bottom lip as I do so.

"That's just to keep you going until tonight." I say softly as I slap her backside before running from the apartment building to the sounds of her protesting loudly and if I'm not completely wrong I would dare say I even heard her stomp her foot down on the marble floor, which makes me grin even wider.

-R-Q-

Half-way up the eight flights of stairs to my apartment I can't but think why the hell I said to wait two weeks to move in with Rachel, she has an elevator, an elevator seems like heaven to me right now. But I don't hate the apartment I share with Brit and Santana, I never could. It isn't that large, the air-con sometimes fails us right when the weathers at it's hottest. But, it's not in an awful part of Manhattan, it has a small balcony and overall it's been home for so long and it holds some awesome memories.

However, it doesn't have Rachel in it and she's my home now, wherever she is. I love her more than anything and I know living together isn't too soon I just need to break it to Santana and Brittany as we've lived together for so long now I think it will come as a bit of a shock.

I stroke my hand down the rough wood of our front door, remembering us painting it the bright yellow at Brittany's insistence. She wouldn't even let us consider painting it black or red which were mine and Santana's choices and as usual she got her own way. I chuckle lightly as I swing the door open dramatically.

"Honey's I'm home!" I yell as I step into the small living area, my eyes instantly drawn to the noise coming from the small kitchen area.

My eyes widen and my mouth drops open, well this isn't exactly the welcome home I was expecting. They both stop on hearing my voice, their heads snapping towards me in shock. I'd laugh if I wasn't so stunned.

"Fucking hell Q, knock much?" Santana yells as she pulls away from Brittany and turns to face me with her hands on her hips.

I mean I'm no prude, I know I'm very open minded and I have heard these two have sex on numerous occasions, even walked in on them once. But, there's something a bit more shocking about walking in on your best friend fucking your other best friend with a strap-on, bent over the kitchen counter I use to prepare food on. I shake my head slightly as Brittany straightens up, she grins at me and dances her way towards me, her arms wide, completely naked.

"Whoa, hold up." I say holding my arms out in front of me. "No naked hugging B." I say hurriedly, she stops immediately and her face drops, she throws a sad look Santana's way. Santana huffs and throws a glare at me.

"Fuck off." I yell at Santana.

"Sad face or not there is no way I'm hugging you Brit, sorry." I add as an afterthought. "And seriously, you couldn't have done this in the bedroom." I say, my voice still raised.

Santana smirks and leans against the kitchen counter, still wearing the strap-on proudly. I avert my eyes as they start to stray to her breasts.

"Put some clothes on." I say behind me as I move towards my room.

I stop as soon as I step inside of the room, some of my things have been packed away into boxes and my bed seems to have disappeared underneath all of my clothes that are on it.

"What the fuck!" I yell again, I throw my jacket down on top of a box and make my way back to the living area, perching myself on the edge of the couch waiting for them to come back out.

Brit is out first, wearing a t-shirt and panties she throws herself beside me and grabs my thigh loosely.

"You're mad." She observes, I nod tersely and she drops her head on my shoulder. "I'm totally sorry you had to see Santana doing me, she wanted to do it on the couch but I wanted to do it in the kitchen." She says softly. "It's my fault." She adds after a minute.

I can't stay angry at Brit, it's just impossible. So, I drop a kiss on her head and let her snuggle into me.

"So Q, what's with crashing in on us and interrupting our sexathon." Santana say settling herself in the armchair opposite me.

"Erm are you completely forgetting that I live here too?" I ask incredulously, shaking my head in fury.

"Erm are forgetting that you told us you were moving out?" Santana asks her tone just as incredulous as mine.

"What? No I didn't. I only spoke to Rach about it this morning." I argue back, I'm so confused.

"You two are so ridiculous, last night you were both making moon eyes at each other and said that you were going to move in together starting from last night." Santana says smirking when I frown and sit back.

I have a horrible feeling that I recall a drunken conversation with Rachel that did go a little bit like that, I also remember demanding that they pack up my room for me, to make it easier for me when I leave.

"Well you should know better than to take drunk talk as serious talk." I huff out and Santana laughs loudly.

"You are so fucking clueless Q, you and Berry" She nods at me and smiles. "You two are fucking it, you're the things of fairy-tales. What the fuck you waiting for? You need to move in with shorty and get a ring on her finger before she realises that your you." She winks afterwards to let me know she's joking.

"Is it that obvious?" I ask.

They both nod and Brittany giggles. "Did you come to tell us you were moving out Q?" She asks and grins when I nod reluctantly. "Are you mad because we already knew and we aren't as upset as you think we should be?" I nod again and she throws her arms around me. "I cried this morning when Sanny started putting your things away, I cried for so long Sanny said she'll but me a duck to make me feel better."

I know it's selfish but I can't help but feel buoyed by this, it's good to know that I will be missed when I leave.

"Oh and I totally saw Sanny stroke her finger over a picture of us three and she looked like real sad." Brittany adds.

I glance over to Santana who rolls her eyes and shrugs but sends a soft smile my way too.

"I said I'd think about it babe, I mean it's a lot of responsibility." Santana says, she throws a glance my way and I giggle. She's trying to backtrack and I can't blame her, she clearly only said it to calm Brit down, but Brit won't let it be forgotten without a fight.

-Q-R-

I've barely been gone two hours and I'm already stepping out of the elevator and up to Rachel's front door. I have a large holdall with me with a few days worth of clothes inside, until I can arrange to get the rest of my things, this will do.

I throw the door open to the apartment, throwing my holdall down on the floor and kicking my shoes off.

"Rach baby, I'm back. Screw two weeks I know what I want." I yell making my way down the corridor.

Before I get to the end I'm once again stopped in my tracks, this time by the appearance of Shelby. I'm not expecting to see her so soon and especially not looking so horrified to see me. Her eyes are wide as she visibly pales in front of me, her mouth drops open as she looks from me to something in the living room and then back to me before doing it again.

"Shelby, what's wrong is Rachel ok?" I ask concern now taking over, I step forward but she stops me shaking her head from side to side, still shooting worried glances into the living area. "What the fucks going on!" I demand, I swear if she has hurt Rachel in any way I'm going to slap her into next week.

"Mom who is it? Why are they using bad words?" A soft spoken voice says from the living area. I gasp and look to Shelby who nods her head in confirmation before a little dark haired girl walks into view.

The whole room fades away as she stops when she sees me, her head tilting to the side as she stares at my eyes. She must see what I see, her eyes are mine, our faces are so alike. I can see the recognition flicker in her eyes before she bites her lower lip nervously just like Rachel does. It wasn't supposed to happen this way, this wasn't how I was supposed to meet my little girl for the first time.

"Beth" I whisper out softly.

**AN2 Review please and I shall be very happy and may even update again before the weekend is over – Hit that button! :-) xx**


	24. Lizzie

**Sooooo I didn't update as quickly as I wanted to, no excuses just life getting in the way and an infuriating ex to contend with (get that was an excuse though! Lol)...I'm off work for the next week though so if you all let me know if you like this I will have the next chapter up soon – this time I pinky promise ;-)**

**Not sure at all about this chapter – I don't really know any eight year olds, so if the dialogue is slightly off...my bad! Lol :-)**

**Disclaimer : I own glee :-0 Well, ok, I wish I did :-) xx**

_**Quinn**_

"No, my names Lizzie, are you Quinn?" My daughter, holy shit my daughter is speaking to me. I didn't want to meet her like this, so unprepared, I really wanted to be able to string a sentence together.

"Yes this is Quinn Lizzie, now please go and see Rachel, if she's still sleeping leave her but if she's awake let her know Quinn's here ok sweetie?" Shelby asks, her voice sounds strained and I realise she is just as shocked as I am.

My heart clenches as Lizzie looks up at Shelby with these huge adoring eyes before nodding and skipping away from us. Shelby looks at me, sympathy pouring from her as she steps towards me.

"I'm so sorry Quinn, Rachel called me a little while ago to say she had a migraine, she gets them sometimes when she has a lot on her mind... not that she's told me that of course, I've just picked up on it over time. She told me you were catching up with a friend today but she needed to run some errands and she asked me if I could help her." She smiles at me softly and I can tell she's pleased that Rachel has called her and not one of her friends.

I nod absently, my eyes still fixed on where Lizzie had been. I still can't believe it, my daughter was in front of me, she seemed to recognise me and she didn't seem to hate me. My chest tightens and I feel short of breath, I sensed Shelby move towards me from the corner of my eye.

"Quinn, are you ok? You've gone very pale. Take some deep breaths." She says to me.

I lean away from her and press my back against the wall, slowly sliding down it, until my knees are under my chin. I take deep breaths, trying to slow down my heart rate. I feel like I can't handle this, I'm springing myself on Lizzie and I haven't had time to prepare myself for this. I wanted to be calm and collected and be able to tell her things that she wanted to know, I guess in a way I wanted to be able to explain if I can why I gave her away and how I hadn't stopped thinking about her for even a minute.

"Shhh Quinn it'll be fine, please don't cry Lizzie will think it's seeing her that has got you this way."

I hadn't even realised that I'd been crying until Shelby reached up and wiped the tears from my cheeks, I nod quickly and roughly wipe away at my eyes.

"I-I'm so so sorry Shelby, I just, I'm not prepared for this. I thought I would have...more time."I add lamely.

Shelby smiles sadly at me. "How much more time Quinn? She's eight now and she's been dying to meet you since she was five. I know this isn't how you wanted it but she's here and so are you...I'm not going to force you but I think that maybe you could spend some time with her while I go and check on Rachel, I'll need to double check the list she gave me. I mean god forbid I forget one tiny thing." She quirks her eyebrow and I chuckle, she's right about Rachel and about Lizzie.

I get to my feet and wipe at my eyes again, I take a few deep breaths before moving into the living area. As soon as I make my way further into the room Lizzie closes the door to Rachels bedroom, she turns slowly and pauses when she sees us. She smiles softly before hesitantly making her way towards me, we stand looking at each other, neither of us knowing what to do.

"Ok well, are we all going to take a seat?" Shelby asks.

I immediately sit on the couch and Lizzie sits on the large armchair opposite me, she drops her head and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. I grin in recognition of a movement that I'm familiar with, it's a very Rachel thing to do and my heart just melts.

"I-I-I'm Quinn...obviously." I say and shake my head at how stupid I sound.

She tilts her head to the side and looks at me through slightly narrowed hazel eyes. She appraises me before nodding once. "Yes I know, hi." She says smiling finally, I can't drag my eyes from her face, taking in every small detail, the familiarities and the unknowns.

"Hi." I say back, she seems equally as interested in me as she rakes her hazel eyes over my face intently.

"Oh for goodness sake we could be here all week at this rate." Shelby says rolling her eyes and huffing in a very dramatic way.

"Dramatic much Mom?" Lizzie says shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest.

I grin widely, there's the HBIC stance I used to own, I think she even does it better than me.

Shelby smiles and rolls her eyes again. "Why don't one of you start by asking the other something you've wanted to know?" Shelby offers, nodding at Lizzie to go first.

She nods and smiles at me, "Erm, well, did you, do you ever like think about me?" Lizzie twists her mouth and looks away and it takes all my strength not to rush forward and bundle her into my arms. If it wasn't for the fact that it would be far too much far too soon then I would.

"Lizzie." I say softly but with an urgency to my tone that makes her look up. "There is not a single day that has gone by that you haven't been in my thoughts, if you were happy, whether you had started walking and talking. If you looked like me or like Noah, I have just had so many questions for so long."

Lizzie smiles and nods her head softly, still looking a little confused. I nod at her to continue if she wants to add to her question. "Why haven't you contacted Mom to ask her or to see me?"

I chew on my lower lip while I try and think of the best way to answer her, she waits patiently for me simply crossing her hands in her lap and sitting back slightly.

"I have no idea how to say this without it coming across as kind of pathetic but I didn't think I deserved to, I had some other things that I had to come to terms with and while I was going through that I didn't have anything to offer you. I'm still not sure I do, but I've wanted to know you for so long I just hope that you and your...mom will give me the chance that I'm not sure I deserve."

I hope it isn't too obvious how hard it is for me to call Shelby her 'mom'. I don't know why, I mean she is her mom in every single sense of the word. But, it just stuck in my throat and I think it only just hit me...I'll never be that to her, I'll never be her Mom, she'll never see me as that and it just kills me to know it.

If we get to know each other and she likes me, even if she grows to love me...Shelby will always be what I was never brave enough to be. She will see her off on her first date and her first prom and she will be the one who gives her away at her wedding. I chance a glance at Shelby and see something I've never seen before, a bond. We both gave up the chance of being the person we could have been for different reasons and in different circumstances. But, I can see now that we both equally regret what we did and she smiles a small smile of understanding I know she will do everything in her power to make sure that Lizzie never goes through what she put Rachel through. It could make me hate her even more, to once again see how she looks after Lizzie more than she ever did Rachel but I know now that she regrets what she did with Rachel and I don't think she'll ever stop trying with her.

"She will, she's already said I can totally get to know you and spend time with you and with Noah if I want to." Lizzie says sending another smile my way.

"Yes, I also told you not to say totally all of the time." Shelby says whilst standing. "I'm going to go check on Rachel again as I'm sure all Lizzie did was have a little look around her room and in her wardrobe." She squeezes my shoulder as she walks past me, leaving me alone with my daughter for the first time.

"So, what do you like to do?" I ask softly, trying to turn the conversation towards a more upbeat tone.

"Oh everything, I love dancing and singing and performing and Rachel says I can tota..." She stops herself saying the word with a twist of her mouth before continuing. "I mean she says she really believes I will be an actress one day. She told me my voice isn't strong enough for Broadway but I could be a singer or an actress as I'm very pretty." She nods and smiles.

I chuckle and shake my head slightly. "Typical Rach, telling an eight year old her voice wasn't strong enough for Broadway." I say with another shake of my head.

"Well yes, you could say that. But, I'm very mature for my age and Rachel's honesty is one of her best qualities, I believe she is simply getting me ready for the harsh realities of the showbiz world...what?" She questions when she notices me staring at her wide eyed and open mouthed.

"My god, you are an eight year old Rachel Berry...it's quite frightening."

She grins a huge smile and thanks me and all I can think of is that Shelby must be much more like Rachel than I ever dreamed of.

"Do you know my, well do you know Noah?" She asks suddenly, sitting forward in the armchair, her face very serious.

"Well, I mean of course I know him...I grew up with Noah, why?"

"Well, I've met you which was one of my life goals...I have a list of them and I currently have 68 goals, well, 67 now. I would like to cross another one off the list and meet Noah, we have emailed and he seems lovely but he hasn't been able to visit because he's trying to get his business off the ground. Would you be able to get my Mom to agree for you and her to take me to visit him. I really want you to be there as well." She grins happily at me as if she a;ready knows I'm going to agree to it.

I smile at Lizzie, she is so smart and so well rounded for someone only eight years old, she knows exactly what she wants in life and she also already knows that I can't refuse her anything. She knows and I can tell by her Puck-like smirk that I'll say yes. Hell, I would pay for Puck to come here. Which might make a lot more sense.

"I think you should talk to Shelby because she's your Mom and she should know everything first ok?" I wait until she nods before continuing. "But, I'll get in touch with Pu.. Noah and I'll see if I can maybe get him to come to New York. I'm sure Shelby would feel more comfortable if he was here and we didn't have to go too far away."

She nods eagerly and seems very excited. "Ray says that Noah was really cool in high-school but that you were even cooler, were you? Cooler than Noah?"

"Erm, I'm not sure really. For a time I probably was I was head cheerleader and I was dating the quarter back but Noah was a different kind of cool. He was a better person than me in high-school though, he learned from his mistakes where I just kept making them. But, can I tell you a secret?" I whisper smiling as Lizzie leans even closer to me, nodding her head eagerly. "A very smart and sometimes annoying girl with dark hair and deep brown eyes. The one and only Rachel Barbara Berry was cooler than all of us, you know why?" She shakes her head as I continue. "Because she knew who she was and she wasn't ashamed of it. We were insecure and took it out on her, but inside we were all just really, really jealous that she was better than us. We were right too, she's an amazing person and she does her best to forgive and move on, she forgave me and others who were mean to her."

Lizzie stops me, placing her hand on mine. It sounds odd but I feel whole when she touches me, as if a final piece has slotted into place.

"Do you think she'll ever forgive Mom?" She looks so concerned that once again I just want to take her in my arms, but once again I resist the urge.

I let out a long sigh and chew on my lip before continuing. "I honestly don't know, she's trying really hard. Your m... Shelby and Rachel have a very difficult past and they have a lot to get through in order to move forward but with time and a fair bit of them both being stubborn I'm sure they'll eventually work through it."

She nods, looking thoughtful. "I think I would have been very hurt too." She moves her hand from on top of mine to inside of it, curling her little hand around mine. "If you had not wanted to get to know me, I would have cried I think."

I'm shocked that Shelby has clearly told Lizzie exactly how she treated Rachel, it seems she was serious when she said she had been very honest with her.

"I would never not want to know you, the situation with Shelby and Rachel is completely different and if things had been different and if I'd been older and more, well together then well..." I trail off as Lizzie flings herself into my arms.

"I know you would have kept me if you could Quinn, but it's really ok. You did the best thing you could and I have a great Mom who really loves me and I have Ray who's amazing and she said she'll totally say hi to me when she wins a tony. Now, I get to have you and maybe Noah in my life too."

She says all that to me as she tightens her arms around me, I hug back just as hard feeling as if my hearts just about to explode out of my chest. I did something right, I really did. Lizzie is amazing, she's happy and she's so sure of herself, confident and so perfect. In just a few short sentences she's released me from the guilt I've carried around for years, the guilt that I was being selfish and that she might not have been happy. But, I know now that I wouldn't have been able to give her what Shelby has, she hasn't wanted for anything and she's truly happy with her life and she's leaps and bounds ahead of me at her age, damn she's leaps and bounds ahead of me when I was sixteen. She knows who she is and she knows what she wants, she is definitely an eight year old version of Rachel Berry and I couldn't have wished for anything more.

I look up as Shelby opens Rachel's bedroom door, leaning against the door-frame she smiles at me softly and I know that I can see just a little sense of jealously in her eyes. She wishes she could have had this with Rachel, that Rachel had found her when she was a little younger or that she had been braver when Rachel was older.

Lizzie pulls herself away from me, and I instantly feel the loss. My arms twitch to pull her back to me, but once again I stop myself. It's not like I won't see her again, she is as much a part of Rachel's life as I am. Also, Shelby seems to be very happy that I'm stepping up and handling things better than she did and she seems to want me to be involved.

"Is Rachel feeling any better?" I ask as I stand, straightening my top as I do so.

"Hmmm." Shelby nods thoughtfully. "I'm guessing you already know what she's like." She adds as I roll my eyes.

"Yep, she no doubt tried to get out of bed the minute she knew I was here, with Lizzie. I'm also betting that she said some very choice words to you when you forced her to stay in bed and rest. I'll also go out on a limb and say that she demanded that if you weren't going to let her do what she wanted then you might as well leave?"

Shelby laughs and moves away from the door-frame. "You do know her then, I left her staring off into space, chewing on her bottom lip worriedly and refusing to make eye-contact with me." She chuckles again as she reaches over to grab her bag from the kitchen counter. "Me and Lizzie will go and run some errands, I suggest you try to reassure our little star in there that everything's fine...everything is fine isn't it?" She looks from me to Lizzie, who is staring up at me with wide eyes.

I grin and nod, winking at Lizzie who looks to Shelby and nods too, she skips over to Shelby and slips her hand in hers.

"Can I ask some more questions when I get back?" Lizzie asks softly, nodding her head as if to confirm what she has said.

I nod and watch them leave together, the door isn't even closed before I can hear Lizzie telling Shelby how great everything is and launching into exactly what was said between us. I shake my head and chuckle as I make my way to Rachel's room.

She looks over as I enter the room, wordlessly moves over and lifts her covers up. I smile and join her, sliding in beside her, moving my body to mould to her side, curling my arm around her mid-section.

"I missed you." I say softly, smiling as she turns herself in my arms so she's facing me.

"Me too, but I didn't expect you back so soon." She murmurs, her hand coming to rest on my cheek, caressing the skin there. She is staring deeply into my eyes and I know she wants to ask about me meeting Lizzie, but she seems to be holding back.

"Hmmm turns out I wasn't welcome back at the apartment, I walked in on S and B and well that's all I really want to say about that." I shudder slightly and Rachel lets out a quiet giggle. "Apparently when we were drunk we already told them we were moving in together."

"Did we? So, is that why you're here?" She asks.

"If you'll still have me?" I smirk as she simply grins and pulls my head down to hers, pressing her lips to mine firmly. "I'll take that as I yes."

"Take it as a maybe." She answers, kissing me once more, her fingers tangling with the small hairs at the nape of my neck, she slides her body closer to mine as she deepens the kiss. She pulls back, slightly breathless. "Take that as a yes." She grins before laying her head on my chest.

I run my hand through her long hair, making the movements slow and soothing.

"Hows your head?" I tap her gently on her forehead before continuing my soothing movements.

"Better than it was, it just came on suddenly and I didn't want to bother you. If I'd known you were coming back I never would have asked Shelby...I had no idea that she'd bring Lizzie, I wouldn't do that to you."

I stop her from ranting further by leaning over to kiss her softly, I pull away as she starts to moan grinning at her pout.

"I know you wouldn't Rach, it's fine. No, it's better than fine it was exactly what I needed. I mean it wasn't how I wanted to meet her for the first time but she's just amazing and she's well she's just so perfect and she said some things to me that I think I've always been waiting to hear." I feel my eyes misting over slightly and try to stem the tears from falling.

"She is isn't she? She reminds me of a younger version of you." Rachel says, moving closer to me.

"Funny, she reminds me of a younger version of you." I say with a chuckle.

Rachel seems to think it over before smiling on nodding, "She'll do great then." She says with a small laugh.

"I totally agree, now why don't we have a little nap and we can talk about this more later."

Rachel nods silently, moving us both down until she is curled up, her back resting against my front and our arms entwined over her stomach. I look forward to ending every day like this with Rachel, living with her is going to be just perfect.

**A/N : Sorry again for the delay...now you know what to do, let me know what you think by hitting that review button and I promise to update super quick – next chapter will be filled with lots of Brittana and Faberry moments oh and a little Santana and Shelby showdown ;-) xx**


	25. Apologies

**AN – Ok, so I suck. It always shocks me how hard I find writing sometimes, I have all these ideas flying around in my head but when I sit to type – nothing! So after many days of nothing, this is what finally came out, not exactly what I wanted but I needed to move past so I could move forward with the story and start working towards the plays opening night – yay!**

**Anywho, thanks for reviewing, alerting and Pming me, you all make my day and remember any suggestions I'd be happy to try and work them in :-)**

**Disclaimer – Still own nothing :-( xx**

_**Rachel**_

I hear small voices start to seep through to me as I start to wake, I remember falling asleep in Quinn's arms, the last of my migraine ebbing away. I can still feel Quinn's arms surrounding me, like the most perfect comfort blanket. I focus back on the voices and frown slightly as I hear Brittany's softly spoken voice.

"Do you think they would freak if they knew we were watching them sleep? I feel a little crawly."

"You mean creepy babe and probably but it's you who told me to leave them. I want to wake they're lazy butts up." Santana says in her normal disinterested tone of voice.

"Just leave them Sanny, maybe they're so sleepy because they had sexy times."

I let myself smile a little, it's impossible not to love Brittany and how she links pretty much all things to sex, but she never comes across as crude or vulgar because she does it with such innocence.

"Well I hope to fuck it isn't that or they're not doing it right, they're both still dressed B." Santana answers her and I can practically see the sneer on her face.

"Yeah, but what about that time when I came home from being on tour, you totes did me against the wall without removing any of my clothes baby."

I hear Santana chuckle and what I assume is a firm kiss. "You're right B, you always fucking are. I don't know if I tell you this enough but you're like completely fucking awesome."

I want to alert them that I'm awake, but I'm enjoying hearing them talk as they must do when no-ones around. It's good to get this insight into Santana.

"You tell me that everyday Sanny, and I say the same right back to you, because I'm only this awesome with you because you're awesome too and it totally must rub off on me."

I hear them share another kiss, this one sounds much more gentle than the last, and a little longer. I'm not sure whether I should be freaked out that I'm listening to my two friends making out but then I remember that I'm actually in my own bedroom and I have no idea how they even got in here and suddenly I'm more freaked about how they got in...again.

"If short-stack and Q weren't here I would love to gets my freaky times on with you." Santana says huskily.

"Well it's a fucking good we are here then isn't it." Quinn's voice startles me, I turn slightly in her arms to see her wink down at me as removes her arms from me and sits up slightly in the bed to stare at Santana and Brittany. "Now, first off I believe we've discussed this before it's Berry at the very least but Rach would be preferred. Next, how the fuck did you both get in here...again."

"You did say you'd stop saying mean things." Brittany says shaking her head at Santana and frowning.

I can't help but grin as Santana huffs and crosses her arms, narrowing her eyes at me and even snarling slightly. "Sorry Berry." She grunts out, Brittany claps and kisses her on the cheek before jumping on the bed and crawling up and wedging herself between me and Quinn.

Quinn huffs slightly as she's forced to separate from me, I send a little smile her way as Brittany snuggles into my side.

"Rach you are like super duper warm and snugly." She mumbles wrapping herself around me, her hands precariously close to my chest as she buries her head into my hair. "Mmm your hair smells like strawberry's...ha Berry smells like a berry" She giggles softly before getting impossibly closer to me.

I send a panicked glance to Santana who I assume will be heading towards me pulling razor blades from her hair but, instead, she has her head tilted to the side as she looks adoringly at her girlfriend.

Quinn on the other hand, reaches over and pulls Brittany's hands lower so they are resting on my midriff. "Bit too close there B." She says lightly, kissing me on the top of the head and then kissing Brittany too.

"Sorry" Brittany mumbles into my neck. "Too close to Berry's Berries." She adds giggling again.

"Erm, anyway, how did you get in?" Quinn demands again a few seconds later.

"Oh chill the fuck out Q, that young doorman says I remind him of a pretty, scarier version of his girlfriend." Santana says settling herself on the bottom of the bed, her hand instantly seeking out Brittany calf, stroking the blondes leg.

"Oh excellent, so you flirted your way in here?" Quinn asks, subtly looking over at me and checking to see where Brittany's hands are. She smiles slightly when she notices they are exactly where she moved them too.

"Pretty much yeah...don't look at me like that Q, you can flirt with the best of them, or need I remind you how we managed to avoid paying for around fifteen speeding tickets within the first couple of months of moving here...officer Samantha Walton if I remember correctly, then officer Julia something, I can never remember her surname." Santana shakes her head with a little laugh as I suddenly sit up a little, my interest piqued.

"Julia Carlton and can we please change the subject to why you are both here, watching us sleep may I add." Quinn says, staring pointedly at Santana who sends a smirk my way.

"Yeah look forward to avoiding that conversation with Berry later Q, we weren't watching you two sleep. I only suggested coming here cause I though we might see some sexy times...and I dunno there's something totally hot about seeing if Berry is as freaky as I think she is."

Brittany nods into my hair in agreement and I feel myself blushing slightly as Quinn growls.

"Whether she's freaky or not is my business San, you get that? If I catch you 'accidentally' walking in on us I swear I will hurt you."

I love it when Quinn gets all protective and threatening over me and her, it's a complete turn on.

"Quinny you are totally hot right now, I think Rach thinks so too because I just heard her heart speed up like super duper fast and her breathing go all funny...shall we leave you both alone?" Brittany says and I blush once again as Quinn sends a heated glance my way, her eyebrows raised inquisitively.

"No, no it's fine." I say hurriedly, "but why are you really here?"

"Well, after Q left Brits felt real bad, like we pushed her from the apartment before she was ready...oh yeah and we were worried she was gonna be permanently scarred from catching me do Brit's over the kitchen counter." Santana says, her hand travelling further up Brittany's leg as she clearly remembers earlier on in the day.

I shoot a sympathetic look towards Quinn whose face in burning a deep red shade, I imagine she's walked in on some sights over the years of living with these two.

"You didn't push her out of the apartment, she was already intending to move in with me, she just had some silly reason or other for wanting to wait a little while, she may well be permanently scarred but if that's what made her move in here sooner then that's fine with me." I say, smiling when Brittany tightens her hold on me.

"You and Quinny are so perfect for each other." Brittany says as she swats Santana's hand away from her thigh before rolling over to wrap herself around Quinn like she had me.

"Yeah well as cute as this fucking love-fest is, me and Brits need to get a move on, we've got a free apartment and a fridge full of squirty cream with our name on."

I groan and roll my eyes but end up grinning at how Brittany suddenly springs from the bed,

"Yay I love it when we use food during sexy times, you know this one time Sanny put a mmmph." She finishes as Santana clamps a hand over her mouth.

She shoots us a small smirk before leaning forward and whispering in Brittany's ear, the blonde girl nods eagerly, frowns once and then smiles again before saying. "Gotcha." In a very serious voice.

"Me and Sanny are going to do lots of very naughty things, but that's all I'm allowed to say, Sanny doesn't want you to feel bad that we totes have a rockin' sex life and you might not yet...so I'm not allowed to tell you everything we get up to, just that it will be totally, totally, totally hot."

I laugh loudly at the exasperated expression on Santana's face and laugh even harder as Quinn dissolves into laughter too. Santana will never, ever be able to change Brittany, she's always going to be this open, and this able to spill things without ever saying what you've told her not too. That's why everyone will always forgive Brittany everything, including Santana, who shakes her head and pulls Brittany to her, kissing her on the cheek.

"That's our cue to leave, later bitches." She says dragging the blonde from the room before she can jump on us and say goodbye in her own Brittany way.

Before the door is closed Quinn turns to me and moves herself over my body. "Sooo is your head better?" She asks lowly, dipping her mouth to mine, before moving down to my neck. She presses soft kisses on the skin there, letting her tongue follow the path of her mouth.

"Mmmm yeah, all gone." I answer back, my hand slipping through Quinn's blonde locks and pulling her closer to me.

She starts to move her hands down my sides when we hear the front door go, for a moment I think it's Brittany and Santana leaving but then I hear Santana's loud voice.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

I share a quick but panicked glance at Quinn before jumping out of bed and dragging her with me, neither girl out there has any idea about Shelby or Lizzie so I can't even imagine how surprised they are. Once again, I think how I should have told them all sooner so they would have had a chance to prepare for this.

I pull Quinn into the living area, halting when I see Santana practically nose to nose with Shelby, both women looking like they are ready to rip each other apart. Brittany looks confused but is holding onto Santana's arm, effectively stopping her from getting any closer to Shelby. Lizzie looks to me when I enter the room and smiles at me in a way that tells me she doesn't want to be there any longer.

"Brits, can you take Lizzie into my bedroom please." I say to the blonde who looks from me to Lizzie, then from Lizzie to Quinn her eyes widening at the similarities before nodding slowly and letting go of Santana and holding her hand out to Lizzie. I nod reassuringly at Lizzie so she'll take Brittany's hand. "It's ok Lizzie, Brit let her try on any of my shoes and clothes that she wants ok?" I smile when Lizzie face lights up and she drags a still silent Brittany into my bedroom. "Santana, calm down please." I say softly to the bristling Latina.

"Calm down, you have to be fucking kidding me right? I'll calm down when this bitch leaves." She says, snarling at Shelby slightly, who to her credit doesn't back down she simply sneers right back.

"I don't have to go anywhere unless I'm told to leave by Rachel, she is my..."

She doesn't get to finish her sentence before Santana is all up in her face again, pushing her back slightly with her body. "No, you don't get to call her that, not after what you did to her. Tossed her aside like a bit of fucking trash and then swooping in and stealing Beth like some sort of fucked up fairy fucking godmother."

I'm stunned for a moment because although I would class me and Santana as friends now, I never envisioned her ever being this angry on my behalf or this protective of my feelings.

"W-what, I didn't steal anyone, I adopted Be- I mean Lizzie." Shelby counters but Santana just laughs in her face.

"So your big problem with what I had to say is due to Beth and not what you did to Rach, you are fucking unbelievable."

I'm shocked even more that Santana has called me my name, I hadn't even picked up on Shelby going onto the defensive about Lizzie and not me, but that's ok I mean I'm used to it now. I'll never be her first choice and I am trying so hard to move on from what she did to me.

"I think we should both calm down and remember Rach is still in the room." Quinn says softly, her hand slipping into mine and squeezing gently.

"Whatever Q, I can't believe you're so fucking calm. Do you remember what she did to Rach, how she fucking tossed her aside because she wasn't the baby she gave away. She wasn't asking for much, just wanted to get to know you but you fucking pushed her away, you don't deserve her forgiveness." Santana raged, her finger in Shelby's face shaking with rage. I'm not sure what's brought this on, but I do have an idea. I've never seen Santana this mad although Quinn has told me she was furious with Katie for hurting me I had never witnessed her fury.

"But you think you do?" Shelby asks Santana, stepping forward into Santana's space. "You think you deserve to stand there and call yourself a friend after what you put her through in high-school. I rejected her and it was one of the most selfish and stupid things I have ever done. I am trying to make amends, trying to make things right. But, what you did to her in high-school, do you think it's any better than how I treated her? The slushies, the name calling, the hurt and pain you caused her. Why should you be forgiven but not me? Are you even sorry for what you did? For how you made her feel about herself, because I doubt that anyone knows the true extent of the damage your words caused her."

I feel Quinn grip my hand tighter, I know she still feels guilt about how she used to treat me, but she has more than made it up to me, she tells me everyday how beautiful she thinks I am and how sorry she is. I'd be an idiot to think that the things they did back then didn't have a lasting impact, but I'd be an even bigger idiot if I kept hanging onto the feelings I felt back then. I've learnt to let them go, but I am intrigued as to what Santana will say, she has only offered me a forced apology that she was forced into by Brittany.

For the first time in perhaps my whole life I see Santana struggle for words, she opens her mouth, then closes it, she looks at Shelby for a long time, before slowly turning her head to me. Her eyes connect with mine and I see it instantly, it literally shocks me like an electrical current. Santana's whole face show the pain and guilt of how she used to treat me.

She turns back to Shelby, her voice softer than before. "I do, feel guilty I mean. How could I not? I was so fucking terrified of losing my status in that hell hole I did everything I could to ensure I would stay on top. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it was kill or be killed in that school. I had someone to protect and the only way I could do that was if I was feared so I made it so I was, did I realise what pain my words and actions would cause? Probably not, not really anyway. I was just a kid too and I was hiding myself just like most of the kids in that school were. You have no idea what it was like in that school, to have to hide how you feel about someone you love because you can't be a raging homo and happy in Lima, it just wasn't an option. Rachel had what I and what Quinn wanted, she had self belief that she knew who she was and nothing and no-one would stand in her way. For someone who is hiding themselves out of fear, Rachel's confidence to be who she wanted to be and screw the consequences was like a red rag to a bull for me. Why should she get to be happy? Why should she get her dreams and be comfortable with who she was when I wasn't?" Santana turns to me again, her eyes reflecting the pain she is feeling. "She's right, I've never really saw it until now but I probably don't deserve to class you as a friend Rach, but I do. I don't always show it, but I'm deeply sorry for every name I ever called you and any time that I made you feel like crap. I know the names I called you and the way I kept knocking you down time and time again hurt you deeper than you ever showed."

I nod slowly and take a step towards Santana, I can see that she's taking the responsibility for more than just my hurt feelings.

"San, what happened with Katie, you aren't to blame for that. You can't take the blame for every choice I've ever made."

"But, but you were so used to feeling like you weren't good enough and.." She trails off as I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close and smiling as she slips her arms around me and pulls me tight against her.

"I know, but that isn't why I stayed with her. Katie was a master at making me feel like everything was my fault, I'll admit one thing and that's that you, Quinn and Brittany coming back into my life gave me the strength I needed to leave, to walk away from that destructive place I was in so I guess what I'm saying is I accept your apology." I pull back from Santana and smile softly as she sniffles back tears.

"I know your angry about Shelby being here and what she did, but she's right, we are tentatively trying to move forward, to move on." I look up at Shelby and she smiles at me, a look of adoration I've never seen before on her face. "Now she's Lizzie Mom and Lizzie really wants to get to know Quinn, so you have to put your feelings to one side about all of the other things that are making you mad right now ok?" Santana widens her eyes at me, silently asking if I know why she's really so mad at Shelby and I nod once. She looks confused for a moment but it quickly passes before she smiles sadly back at me and pulls me back into a hug.

I see Shelby and Quinn share a confused look, but I shake my head and let them know it's not something either of us will be talking about today.

"I love you short-stack." Santana whispers into my ear softly.

"You too Satan." I reply and grin when Santana lets out a bark of laughter.

She pulls back from me, stepping away and straightening her shoulders. "Right, enough with this shit. I can't be nice for too long it's like against my religion or something. Shelby, I'm sorry yeah? I was taking things out on you that I shouldn't be. But, I still meant what I said. I may not have been nice to her but I know how much you hurt her. Don't do it again and we'll be fine."

Shelby nods at Santana, before moving over to me. Her face also betrays the guilt she is feeling, and how sorry she is. So when she holds her arms out for me, I go to her without hesitation, feeling something shift in me when her arms wrap around me firmly. When we finally pull apart Shelby wipes away tears from her eyes before looking at Santana.

"Would you like to properly meet Lizzie?" She asks softly.

Santana nods, "Why didn't you keep Beth as her name?" She asks.

Shelby smiles sadly before sitting down on the couch and looking up at us. "I was going to, but I just didn't feel it was right. I named her Elizabeth and knew that I would be happy with whatever people would call her, it just so happens that everyone started calling her Lizzie and she seems to like it."

Santana nods at the explanation, "It really freaked me out, she's like how I imagine Quinn and Rachel's baby would look if it were possible."

I shoot a glance at Shelby, not sure how she will react but she throws her head back and laughs long and loud. "I thought that just the other day. She obviously has Noah's hair but it is so similar to the shade of Rachel's it does look like she is a good mixture of you both."

I smile and giggle too, moving back to Quinn who is smiling goofily at me. She pulls me into her side and presses a kiss to my head.

"Wait till you see her smirk San, that is one hundred percent Noah." I say as Shelby calls Lizzie back.

Lizzie and Brit walk in, hands clasped and swinging between them as they do so. My eyes go straight to the purse in Lizzie's hand and I have to restrain myself from going over and ripping it from her hands. There's not much I'm protective of but my bags are one of them, they cost a lot and each one are treasured items to me.

Quinn must notice me tensing and she looks at me quizzically, I nod towards the bag once, widening my eyes. She frowns at Lizzie until she notices the bag then lets out a snort of laughter.

"Lizzie, can I have a look at that bag please? I've been dying to see it up close." Quinn says, holding her hands out for it, smiling when I send her a grateful smile.

"Erm, well, that's why we've got it...there was a little, minor, insignificant incident." Brittany says quietly, looking at Lizzie who looks away guiltily.

"I'm sorry what?" I state, my voice rising shrilly.

Quinn pulls me back towards her wrapping her arm around me to keep me next to her. "What happened?" She asks softly.

Lizzie looks up at us, but then turns away again.

"Come on Q's mini-me, spit it out!" Santana says with a quirk of her eyebrow at Lizzie.

"Well, we were playing, I had the bag and I was pretending to be famous like you are Ray," She says glancing at me and smiling before the smile falling and turning away again. "I was signing a piece of paper, you know like an autograph." She explains nodding to herself. "The pen, I don't know what happened Ray Ray. It was fine and then it wasn't, it broke and like totally exploded." She finishes looking up at Brittany who nods along with her.

"Totally." She agrees with Lizzie.

"How bad?" I ask, I can feel my anger bubbling to the surface. Like I say, I love my bags.

"Ermm, quite bad." Brittany says twisting her mouth and shrugging.

Santana lets out a huff and grabs the bag from Lizzie, her eyes widening at the damage before turning the cream leather around to me, the whole front of the bag is ruined by a large dark ink stain. I gasp and step back, putting a hand over the horrified expression that is sure to be on my face. I feel furious but every single person in the room simply laughs at my expression.

"Oh Q's mini-me you can be my new student, I've always wanted to get a reaction like that out of Berry." Santana says laughing and high-fiving Lizzie who smiles up at Santana with something that looks scarily like awe in her eyes.

Oh dear god, I think this is my worst nightmare, a mini Quinn I can deal with, a mini Santana I don't think anyone is prepared for.

**A/N 2 - Next chapter, Santana will be getting to know Lizzie and Quinn and Rachel will have some alone time...and maybe some sexy times if you all wish? :-) xx**


	26. Mini Q

**AN – Wow it's been sooo long since I updated and I have no excuses other than life getting majorly in the way. I am sooo sorry guys!**

**It's just a short one to see if you guys are still interested in this little story.**

**Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. x**

_**Quinn**_

"No, no, no mini Q. You gots it all wrong, I was cooler than both Pu-Noah and Quinn in high-school." Santana argues with Lizzie, they've been like this for going on an hour. The constant back and forth between them, in a few seconds Lizzie's eyes will seek out either mine or Rachel's eyes for confirmation of whatever Santana is saying.

As if on cue, Lizzie looks to me, her eyes widening slightly in the silent question. I wait a moment before I shake my head once.

"No way, Quinn says that Ray was the coolest out of everyone in high-school. So, even if you were cooler than Quinn and Noah there is no way you were cooler than Ray." Lizzie nods her head and then turns to grin at Rachel.

Rachel just laughs lightly, rolling her eyes at me as she snuggles closer into my side.

"I'm sorry? What? I know you did not just insult me by saying Berry was or ever could be cooler than me." San huffs out, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Oh give it up Lopez you know I was, I had everything going for me and you know it." Rachel says, laughing once more at the outraged expression on San's face.

"Yeah everything except a dress sense."

Brittany frowns and hit's San's arm at that, "I loved the way Rach dressed, she used to look super hot in those skirts..yummy." She looks over at Rachel and winks at her, smiling widely when Santana doesn't come up with a comeback. I look at her face and see her smirking over at Rachel, her eyes dropping to her legs. When she catches my stare she just grins and shrugs.

"Ok,ok, whatevs. You wanna think Berry was cooler that's fine, I know the truth."

"Ahh Sanny baby, you are so the cutest when you pout." Brittany says as she climbs up from the floor and straddles Santana kissing her deeply.

"Whoah Brit's young child in the room, cool it." I say loudly.

Brittany looks around guiltily, before muttering 'sorry' as she climbs off Santana's lap.

"Ah that's ok, they just wanted to have sexy lady kisses." Lizzie says innocently smiling slightly at the two girls.

I shoot a look at Shelby who looks as if she is trying to hold back a smirk, I only know one person who has been alone with Lizzie who uses the term sweet lady kisses.

"Erm, Brit, why have you been talking to Lizzie about sweet lady kisses?" Rachel asks, coming to the same conclusion I had.

Brittany smiles and looks at Lizzie, "She asked if you and Quinn loved each other like you and Katie used to love each other. I told her that it's a little different because I bet that sweet lady kisses is much more awesome with Quinn than it ever was with Katie because Quinn is much nicer than her...and she's hotter too."

I can't speak for a moment, I just stare at Brittany until Rachel clears her throat.

"Oh, that's fine then. If you have any more questions though Lizzie, me and Quinn would appreciate it if you came to us ok?"

"Sure Ray, can I show San the roof please?" She asks jumping up with excitement.

Rachel smiles and nods, Lizzie jumps up and runs to a door to the right of the kitchen area. "Come on San it's totally amazing." She yells happily.

"Sweetheart, remember to use your inside voice please." Shelby calls over to Lizzie.

"Sorry Mom." She yells back just as loud as before causing Rachel and Brittany to giggle.

I see Santana shoot me a look before glaring at Shelby again as she gets to her feet. She's always got my back and I know she's worried about my reaction to Shelby and Lizzie acting so like mother and daughter, when she looks back to me I just smile and nod my head. It's always going to be hard to hear them interact like that, but if I want a relationship with Lizzie it's just something I have to get used to.

I pull Rachel closer to me as I watch with wide eyes as Lizzie's opens up a door that I always assumed was a large cupboard and drags Santana up the concrete steps, "Since when do you have a roof terrace?" I ask softly, my lips just brushing the shell of her ear.

She swallows thickly and tries to cover the shudder that runs through her body by turning to face me. "Since always, it's been a little neglected recently, I've been...busy." She says whilst looking up me through her thick lashes, I swear this girl could get me to kill an army of people for her with just that look.

"Shall we join them?" I ask, even as I tighten my arms around her and bring her closer to my body, so she's flush against me.

She glances over to the now closed door that Shelby and Brittany have just walked through and shakes her head slowly. "I can give you a private viewing later." She says deeply as she reaches up and presses her lips against mine.

I forget about everything as our lips and tongues move together, I have never been more sure that I have always been destined to end up just where I am right now, slowly but surely everything in my life has started falling into place.

_**Santana**_

Well colour me fucking impressed I think as I am pulled out onto the roof terrace by Lizzie, she keeps smiling up at me and I can already tell this little Faberry munchkin is going to idolise me and it kinda rocks.

"It's totally amazing isn't it?" She asks in a soft voice as she twirls around, catching her own 360 degree of the city she's getting to grow up in.

"It sure is mini Q." I agree, I look around the large mostly empty space and I can see that Berry had really been trying to do something with the space. She had erected some trellises and some plant pots were close to the trellises, a bench was over the other side of the roof with tables on either side and a large storage container was by the bench, I could tell she had clearly had in her mind what she wanted to do up here but never gotten around to it. But, it's manahattan so even if it was just a wide empty space it has an awesome, uninhibited view of the city and that shit makes this roof worth whatever ridiculous price she had to pay to get it.

I feel Brittanys arm encircle my waist from behind me and her head drop onto my shoulder as she pulls me to her front and kisses the side of my neck.

"I want this." She states causing me to frown.

I look around and feel my heart sink, I want to be able to give Brits the world whenever she wants it but I haven't got the money for this kind of a place right now.

"We can get a bigger place babe, but we can't stretch to somewhere like this, this would put us in major debt and..." I trail off as I feel her shaking her head and manoeuvring my body around slightly so I could see Lizzie grabbing Shelby's hands and forcing the older woman to dance with her.

"Oh..." I whisper looking at the scene before me, she wants a kid, a brat, a munchkin of our own. "Well...shit!" I exclaim, turning around in her arms to look at her.

She smiles down at me before reaching up to brush some hairs from my face. "Yeah, a mini Sanny if possible, can we do that? Like decide which kind we want first, because boys are kind of yucky?"

I'm still speechless from Brit's little bombshell so I just stare at her as she rambles about watching a show about a couple who wanted a girl because they'd had like 12 boys so they 'designed the baby they wanted' she goes on to say that she only wants to make sure it's a girl, everything else can be left for god to decide. Then she changes her mind and says that she wants to make sure she looks just like me, with my dark hair and my colour eyes and my latina. She trails off eventually after not receiving a response from me. I feel her hands on my face as she tilts my head up so I can look into her eyes. I stare into the startling blueness of her eyes and slowly come back around, blinking slowly.

"You don't want one?" Brit asks with a pout.

I shake my head slowly, trying to organise my thoughts. "It's not that B, I do of course I do, I want a family with you. But, it's too soon, the play hasn't started yet and you have no idea how long it will run for or how tired you'll be while it's running and you know I'm not happy doing what I'm doing."

Brittany nods and grins, "Ahh Sanny look at you being all panicky. I said I want one, I didn't mean right now, I just wanted you to know that at some point I'm gonna want us to have one." She pulls me closer to her as I let out a deep breath, this girl is going to be the death of me.

"Thank god for that Brits, I was planning on robbing a bank or something just so we could afford it." I said, the relief evident in my face.

She grins cheekily at me. "I love that you were planning on doing an illegal act to afford it rather than just telling me no."

I let out a laugh, nuzzling into her neck and pressing a kiss to the pale flesh I find there. "Baby you should totes know by now that I can never say no to you, we couldn't afford it, but if it was really what you wanted then we would work something out."

"I love you so much." My baby says, her fingers run through my hair until they are at the base of my neck, she pulls on the hair softly until my head is tilted back slightly. She winks at me as she lowers her mouth to mine, as soon as her lips are on mine I'm arching up into her body, I can never be close enough to her or ever get my fill of her.


	27. Guilt

**AN 1 – I cannot apologise enough for not updating in forever, real life has been pretty horrible for quite some time... I'm not usually one to spill all my private life but I feel that I do owe you all an explanation. **

**Last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer and whilst they caught it early and removed it and it hadn't spread, the operation and radiotherapy really took it out of me. I am starting to feel better about things and my future so I decided to come back to this fic now. Unless people have no interest in it anymore I will never leave it unfinished, I cannot say how long it will take me to update but never as long as you all have had to wait this time around.**

**I tried with this chapter, to get back in the swing of things so hopefully it's ok and if anyones still reading let me know and I promise I'll try my best to update soon.**

**Disclaimer : I still own nothing but this story x**

_**Rachel**_

"So Q spill, how are you doing with all of this?" Santana asks Quinn with a raise of one eyebrow.

I'm perched on the counter separating the kitchen from the living area, my legs spread with Quinn standing between them. I feel her stiffening slightly in my arms so I pull her back slightly, moulding her body to mine as I tighten my arms holding her tightly in my embrace.

She snuggles into me with a quiet sigh and tilts her head slightly to the side automatically, I can't help but grin slightly as she adjusts herself so my chin can rest snugly in the crook of her neck. She sighs once more as I move forward and rest my chin where she has made room for me.

"Honestly, I'm kinda mixed up about it all. I already am head over heels for Lizzie, I mean she's me right?" Quinn says with a small shrug.

I watch as Santana smirks slightly and nods and Brittany grins widely.

"She totally is Q, like a little you and a little Rach mixed together, she's totes adorbs, that's what Sanny said anyway."

I chuckle along with Quinn as Santana rolls her eyes at being caught out again and all because of Brittany.

"She is Brits, she's totes adorbs and she is a strange mixture of me and Rach but then there's Shelby to deal with too." This time when Quinn sighs I know it's not a relaxed or happy sigh but a defeated sigh.

Brittany nods thoughtfully before placing her hand over Santana's mouth as she goes to speak. "I got this." She says softly, leaning over to kiss her girlfriends slack mouth.

"This is the way I see it Q, please stop me if I start saying dumb things but I'm just gonna say what I see. You like totally made a mistake when you were sixteen and you did the right thing by giving Beth up, you didn't have any money and you couldn't give her what you knew she needed. You haven't ever stopped thinking about her and wondering how she is and you still carry around this huge amount of guilt which you totally shouldn't, but you're you so you do. Now, you have this chance, this chance that hardly anyone ever gets, to get to know your daughter to watch her grow up and I know that there is one thing that will stop you from doing this."

Quinn has stayed silent through this all so I know Brittany is right, what I'm not prepared for though are her next words.

"Rachel." She says nodding towards me.

I feel Quinn tense up in my arms and I look at Brittany who smiles softly at me, I let my hands drop from Quinn's body but she quickly brings them back around her, interlacing our fingers together and urging me silently to stay connected to her.

"Don't close up Rachy." Brittany says sagely, she never fails to surprise me with how well she can read people, she once told me it's easier for her because everyone assumes she's a dumb blonde they never pay much attention to her to, so they never notice her watching and observing every little thing they do. "I don't mean it's you who would stand in the way of Quinn getting to know Lizzie, we all know you and know you would never dream of it. Plus, you want this as much, if not more than Quinn does, for obvious reasons." She nods once again, happy in the knowledge that she's right. "But, Q loves you Rae, more than I have ever seen anyone love someone else. Stronger than love though is the guilt she carries around, because she doesn't just feel guilty about Lizzie, she will always feel guilt about what she did to you in high-school, how she made you feel and how low she let you get, as will Sanny." She turns then to look at her still slack jawed girlfriend before beaming at her and kissing her on the head once.

Santana glances towards me and nods once, dropping her eyes to the floor and Quinns fingers tighten around me. I go to speak but Brittany silences me with a slight raise of her delicate hand.

"I'm not finished yet, we all know you don't want them to feel guilty Rae, but when people say and do bad things and hurt people they should feel guilty, it lets us know that they care and that they know what they did was wrong. But, yeah they totes shouldn't wallow in it as then it's not about the person they hurt but about themselves. Back to what I was saying though, Quinn totes loves you more than anything, that with her guilt and how she knows you feel about Shelby could be enough to be her stubborn self and stop seeing Lizzie. If she thinks for just one second that you're hurting or that your uncomfortable she will pull away from Lizzie."

I take a deep breath and let everything Brittany has said wash over me, she's right and I know she is. Quinn hates Shelby for what she did to me and she still feels guilty for making me feel worthless, for making me feel how Shelby had made me feel.

"Quinn," I say softly, moving my hands down to her waist before turning her around in my arms until she is facing me. "Look at me please." I whisper until her hazel eyes finally lock on mine. "I can't say this any clearer but I completely forgive you for how you treated me, all I ever asked for was an apology, I could never have dreamed that I would get that and so much more. You saved me Quinn, whether you believe that or not it's still true, you, San and Brit all saved me and for that it gives us a clean slate alone ok? As for Shelby I was trying to forgive her before you came back on the scene and I'm still trying, it's not as easy with her as so much was said and done and I'm still not sure whether we will ever have the relationship I want, but I'm trying and I will continue to do so. Lizzie is amazing and Shelby has done an amazing job in bringing her up, but she needs you too, don't you ever doubt that. You would regret it forever if you made her feel how Shelby made me feel and I won't let you do it, I'll be here for you, with you, every single step of the way."

I make sure to maintain eye contact with Quinn as everything she is feeling always shows in her eyes. I watch the emotions flit through her eyes, before resolve sets in and she nods firmly.

"Your right Rach, you always are. But, if Shelby says anything to you, if she upsets you in anyway so help me god.."

I don't let her finish, pushing my lips against hers passionately. I feel her hands running down my spine and resting on my lower back, pulling me closer to her while I wrap my legs around her waist. I will never get sick of being able to do this, Rachel Berry being able to make out with ex-head cheerleader Quinn Fabray. Not only do I get to make out with her but I get to love her and have her love me back, having her in my arms makes me feel like I can do anything.

The kiss quickly turns more passionate and I remember getting interrupted earlier, I run my fingers through her silky locks gripping on them and pulling her closer to me. I feel Quinn's soft fingers slide under my top, my body reacting instantly to her touch.

"Erm excuse me, have you forgot we're here." I hear Santana say with a huff.

I drag my lips away from Quinn's reluctantly, shivering at the groan that rips from her throat as I pull away. I don't move far, just enough so I can glare at my two friends.

"Out, both of you...now!" I growl out before being dragged back to Quinn's luscious lips.

I barely register whatever Santana's response is, all I hear is the door to the apartment being slammed shut before I'm picked up easily from the counter.

"Quinn!" I get out in between giggles.

"Mmmm." She replies before attaching her lips to my neck, licking and sucking on all available skin she can reach.

"Fuck!" I exclaim when she only gets as far as the wall leading to the front door before slamming me up against the wall, her hands sliding down my thighs to encourage me to wrap my legs around her waist. I don't need much encouragement and tighten my thighs around her hips.

"Yep, got it in one." She husks out, her breath coming in short bursts against my ear as she pulls back slightly to pull my top off over my head, not stopping for a second before pulling my bra down over my breasts. She doesn't bother to remove the bra before moving her lips down over my chest and sucking my painfully hard nipple into her mouth, her hips press hard into me to keep me up so her other hand is free. She runs that hand down over my other breast and down the front of my pants, straight into my panties and through my wet folds.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." I pant as she continues to move her fingers skilfully through my folds and circling my clit roughly before dragging her fingers back through.

I know this won't be long passionate love making, this is a quick hard fuck against the wall, which is just what I need and what I want right now, I'm too turned on for more. It amazes me how much she knows me, how much she knows what my body craves already. When to make love to me slowly, driving my body crazy with need before making love to me for hours and other times like now she fucks me hard and quick and both kinds satisfy me like no-one has ever been able to before.

I feel Quinn, pull away from my breasts with a groan, leaving both of them glistening with her saliva, trailing her tongue up my chest and plunging it into my waiting mouth. I hold her head in place with both of my hands as I buck my hips wildly against her fingers. She pulls her hips back slightly and angles her hand slightly, slipping two fingers straight into my wet heat.

"So wet, baby, you are so fucking wet" Quinn mumbles into my mouth before adding another finger easily causing my breath to hitch and making me shiver all over.

All I can hear is the sounds of Quinn's fingers plunging into me, and her short bursts of breath in my ear. I pull her closer to me with my thighs, my arms holding her in place as she rocks into me. It won't take me long as I feel the familiar fire unfurling in my stomach and my own breath starts to catch.

Quinn lowers her lips to my neck as she curls her fingers inside of me with every thrust, pressing her thumb against my clit as she does so. I let out a deep groan as my head slumps back against the wall and my whole body starts to shudder, still groaning from the relief of the white heat finally taking over my body.

"Good god Quinn, I swear you are going to ruin me." I get out shakily as Quinn leans her head against my sweaty shoulder, her fingers still inside of me.

_**Quinn**_

"I think you've already ruined me baby." I mumble into Rachel's shoulder, grinning sluggishly as she attempts to catch her breath.

I realise after a few minutes, that my fingers are still curled inside of Rachel and her legs are still wrapped around my waist.

I close my eyes and feel my centre clench at the sound Rach makes as I remove my fingers from her tight channel. I keep myself close to her as her legs drop from my waist and her knees nearly buckle as they connect with the ground.

##

It's a few hours later and I have Rachel wrapped in my arms, both relaxing on the roof as the whole of Manhattan rushes around below us. I will never get used to the fact that this amazing city is so very rarely calm, always seeming to pulse with life even now, in the early hours of the morning.

"What was that between you and San earlier?" I ask softly, breaking the silence that had fallen between us.

I had been slightly confused at Santana's reaction to Shelby and even more so when Rachel seemed to know exactly what was bothering my best friend.

"Something that I heard a rumour about once, I wasn't sure it was true until tonight. I can't tell you more than that though sweetheart. It's not my place and I know she'll tell you soon."

I nod my head slowly, I had a feeling she wouldn't break San's trust.

"Does B know?" I ask and smile when she tilts her head up to look me in the eye, she smiles and nods once. She knows I'll be upset if B doesn't know something that seems important to San.

"Yes, I believe she does. When you find out what it is though baby, you have to not get mad and remember that whatever she did, she did it for the best ok?"

I nod quickly, I know when Rach is being serious and as those big brown orbs burn into me I know she means business.

"Good girl." She says with a giggle, before tilting her head back and pursing her lips for a kiss. I smile and lean forward to give her what she wants.

It's silent for a little while before I feel Rachel's eyes back on me again, I look down at her quickly getting caught up in those hypnotic gaze.

"Sooooo" She begins, her eyes narrowing slightly, "Would you like to elaborate on Officer Walton and Officer Carlton?"

Ooooh shit, is all I can think...I wonder if we're too far up for me to escape over the edge of the apartment building.

**AN 2 : So it's pretty short and I am sorry about that but hopefully the next one will be much quicker, let me know what you think, if it's worth continuing or not xx**


	28. Chapter 28

**Hello all you lovely readers, thank youso much for your reviews and well wishes it has meant a lot in my longer than anticipated recovery.**

**I'm feeling much stronger now and wish to continue on with my story, however I have a problem I need your help with, I'm a little rusty and a little lost on where I want this story to go so if anyone has any ideas or any help at all it would be greatly appreciated, leave me a review or PM to let me know.**

**Thank you and thank you all for sticking with me :-)**


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