Supernatural 1. Chapter 1

Hi, so this is my first and I mean first ever fanfiction ever written! I'm super excited to get this started and hope everyone enjoys it! Comments would be greatly appreciated! I will try to post as often as I can but unfortunately my life is full of school and work but I have no social life so be thankful for that or this would never be written ;P Once again this is my first so please be gentle with me but do please also give me lots of comments as well! Ahh I'm so excited so with much love I present chapter one! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing and I repeat nothing of the Supernatural characters...

Chapter One

Darkness, that was the first thing Dean noticed as they snuck into the warehouse. That and the overpowering smell of blood. Torture was being done here that much they knew for certain. Thanks to some information they had "gathered" from various demons there was a high chance Abaddon was suppose to be in this warehouse tonight. Dean needed her to be there tonight because this was the closest they've come to finding Abaddon since she disappeared at the church five months ago. During those months Dean's had to handle a graceless Cas, a extremely sick possible dying Sam, a twitchy prophet who was getting a bad case of cabin fever and a slightly rehabilitated ex-King of Hell. He needed a win and badly and finding and possibly ending Abaddon was the only thing on his bucket list at the moment. It had taken Sam over two months to finally stay awake for more than a five minutes. Thankfully they did get a minor win with Cas stealing some grace from one of the many angels out to get him but he wasn't at full strength. Something about the grace not truly accepting him or something, which basically meant he was only at half power all the time. On top of that he almost killed himself trying to heal Sam from the trials. It was only thanks to Dean literally dragging him off Sam and forcing him to stop that Cas finally stopped trying to fix Sam. He yelled at Cas for a good hour after that, saying that he was just as important as Sam and that if he ever tried anything as stupid as that again Dean would personally beat his ass to hell and back.

"Dean I'm getting kind of worried we haven't run into any guards yet." Sam said.

He was right too. They were quite a bit into the warehouse by now and no demons have yet to pop out and say hello. "What do you think Cas, is the place deserted?" he asked.

"No I can definitely sense demonic presence here but deeper in, I am unfortunately unable to tell exactly how many demons are present." Castiel replied

Shit just what they needed an ambush... or maybe not for just then a piercing scream ripped through the warehouse and rebounded off the walls. "Sounds like they're too busy to be concerned with knowing if they have company or not at the moment."

"We have to find out who that was and get them out of here. It could have been a civilian Dean." Sam said

"No shit sherlock but we can't forget the real purpose to this little vacation. Abaddon is priority Sam. If she goes down Hell's going to be so lost that it'll be that much easier to taking out all the demonic bastards that dare to come topside."

Sam looked at me with what I think is bitchface number 12 but I can't let that get to me right now. I know that we need to help the poor bastard that's probably getting their flesh torn off but if we miss Abaddon now there's no guarantee we'll find her again, at least not before she killed and tortured a lot more people. Priorities sucked sometimes.

We were finally coming up onto some light but unfortunately that also meant we were that much closer to the screams that have yet to stop. From how the screams were it was difficult to decided whether they were male or female but if I had to guess female, simply from just how high and long each scream was. You learned a few things about screams in hell.

I could see Sam slowly losing his cool as the screams continued and I knew we needed to find Abaddon fast or our cover would be blown by my way too big heart brother simply abandoning reason and bursting into the room.

As I turned to look at Cas to see if he was still with me I was surprised by the intense horror found on his face. I mean I knew he was affect by the screams just like us but the look on his face was more than just a stranger hearing another strangers screams. His face was that of someone who was hearing their own blood being tortured, he had the exact same face on when we rescued Samandriel from Crowley. Before I could whisper what was wrong he did exactly what I feared Sam was about to do. He burst into the fucking room without reason and completely blew our cover. "Cas!"

As I raced into the room after him I was overcome with a sudden flashback to Hell and the Rack. A woman was strung up in the center of the room with shackles that looked liked Enochian symbols etched onto them. What was more shocking than the torture scene though were the two brilliant red wings that were also strung up that came directly from the woman's back.

Demon's jumped on us as Cas lost it and just began smiting them left and right. As I was cutting my way through each of the bastards I quickly saw that there was a distinct lack of Abaddon anywhere in the room. "Shit, we've lost our chance"

Finally the last demon dropped to the floor but I could hear more coming toward us from deeper in the warehouse. "It's time to go, Cas grab her we need to get out of here."

"Dean..." Sam said.

"What! Do you not hear the horde of demons racing down the hall and we've lost our chance at Abaddon, damnit Cas this girl better be worth it!"

"Dean!" Sam yelled "Stop and just look"

As I turned to see what Sam was yelling about I saw Cas just standing in front of the woman and tears just streaming down his face. "Cas?" I walked up next to him and asked "Who is she?"

Cas just looked at me in such a deep sorrow that I was lost. "Just help me get her down." he said. With his shaky hands and mine we were finally able to release her from the rack. Her wings were the hardest to get off because every time we touched them she would scream so loudly that Cas would just stop and hold his head in agony. Sam actually had to come help us, the impending demons forgotten with the agony that was just ripping through Cas and this woman. She groaned with the shackles gone and Cas gently lifted her into his hands.

"Shhh its ok." Cas whispered "I've got you, I've found you, shhh its ok."

We raced out of the warehouse and to Baby as I wondered who Cas could possibly care for so much. My first thought was angel but knew that couldn't be right. For one thing according to Cas angel's didn't have corporal wings and for another the angel's were fallen. I knew we've came across a few who still had their juices running but she just didn't fit the bill. She didn't feel like an angel. Angel's, even fallen angel's like Cas. still had this feeling of just power and age about them. She had both of those but in a very different and if possible more frightening way. As we raced away from the warehouse I knew that right now would definitely not be a good time to bitch about losing Abaddon. We would have to figure that out later. Right now we just needed to get back to the bunker and hopefully Cas's friend would hold out that long.

"Cas who is she?" I heard Sam whisper.

"She is someone incredibly important to me who I thought was dead for the last five years." He replied.

"Is she going to be alright?" Sam asked

"If you mean is she going to bleed out and die in the backseat with me then no. She cannot be killed, but if you mean more than that I do not know. I have no idea what happened to her five years ago when she vanished, or how long she has been held by the demons, only that I have found her alive and for the moment thats all that matters."

And with that he didn't say anymore the entire way back. Sam and I shared a look and simply sat in silence the entire way back. Just one more broken person for the bunker it seemed.


	2. Chapter 2

So hello again and just a word of warning I probably won't be able to post this often for all my chapters. Now just to explain each chapter is going to be told from one character's viewpoint and when I feel that character's done I will start another chapter with the next viewpoint. For example last chapter was Dean and this ones Castiel. That's also why most likely none of my chapters are going to be consistent in length. I'm one of those crazy writers where I write as I feel so writer's block a real scary thing but at the same time I wake up at five in the morning to get through a chapter. Also I won't talk this much before each chapter but I'm just starting out and I felt I needed to explain some things just so I feel like we're all on the same page. ;) We'll once again I hope you enjoy the chapter and please oh please leave comments. With much love!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the fabulous Supernatural characters...

Chapter 2

Castiel could feel the tension and the questions rolling of the Winchester's as they traveled in silence back to the bunker. But he couldn't worry about that now, not even the looks he was receiving from Dean in the rearview mirror. Looks of both worry and anger and something else that looked liked jealousy, for which he didn't understand why he was receiving that look at all. All he could worry about now was the broken woman he held in his arms. Five years he had thought she was dead. Killed in the apocalypse just as so many others had been. Yet here she was in his arms alive yet he could see that was both enough and wasn't. It was plain to see she had been tortured. The evidence he not only heard and saw first hand but it was also written all over her body. Sigils were carved all over her skin written in an ancient language even he had a hard time understanding. From what he could understand though he could make out they were sigils for bounding. Specifically for bounding a great power. At least that explained why she was not healing as fast or even at all as she should be. "I need to erase some of these sigils in order for her to begin healing properly and so she is not in such a great pain."

"What sigils?" Sam asked

"The ones that are covering her skin, they were carved in to ensure she could not use her powers to fight back against the torturing or attempt an escape against her captures."

"Wait 'til we get back to the bunker." Dean said

"Dean... I do not wish to wait. every minute I delay from healing her is another minute she's in pain."

"Who is she, Cas?" Dean asked

"It does not matter for the minute, only that she is precious to me and I must save her."

"Wait 'til the bunker." Dean said

"Why, Dean?! You do not understand; I must..."

Dean slammed on the brakes and turned to look at me, his outburst startling me to silence.

"I do understand, Cas! I understand she's important to you; I get that! But you used a lot of your mojo fighting off those demons back there, and you could barely carry her and yourself to the car! If you try to heal her now, you'll just end up almost killing yourself again, and I told you, you're to important for that! So wait Cas, till we get back to the damn bunker and you have some of your strength back! You killing yourself to save her when you said she isn't really dying is not going to help anyone!" Dean yelled at me

As he once again started the impala to continue our journey, back I was once again shocked on how he kept saying I was important. How could I be important? I who had done so much wrong. As I began to once again consider all the horrors, I had done she whimpered in my arms and those thoughts and all others flew out of my head, as I once again focused on the woman I held. "Shhhh, we'll be there soon and then I will save you just as you saved me so many times. Shhh, we're almost there." As I whispered comfort in her ears, I saw Sam turn to me with both worry and pity in his eyes. I knew he also wanted to know who she was but now was not the time to tell her story. Explaining to the Winchesters who she was and how important she was not only to me, but to everything as a whole would take time and right now I needed Dean to simply focus on getting us to the bunker as quickly as possible. Abigalia's story for the moment would have to wait...

To me, the Impala's pace to the bunker could not have been slower, but then again I was used to traveling at a much faster pace. However Dean was right. The fight with the demons had weakened me. It took us exactly 18000 seconds for us to reach the bunker and in that time her heart stopped twice. Each time I almost subcumbed to simply healing her right then and there but Dean's watchful eyes kept me from giving in. I knew Dean was going as fast as possible on the drive back to the bunker, and had gotten us there in the human expression "record time" but every second was agony to me because she was in agony. As the impala screeched to a halt outside of the bunker door I forgot reason and attempted to fly straight into the bunker to begin the healing process on Abigalia. Instead of landing in my room as planned Abigalia and myself were instead thrown back away from the bunker entrance.

"Cas!" I heard Dean yell as the jarring in my head subsided. "Is she alright?"

"She's fine Cas, well the same, but what happened?" Dean asked

"She needs to be invited in just as I had to in order to gain access across the warding on the bunker." Dean looked at me and I could see the fact that she needed access bothered him. Of course all supernatural beings were repelled by the bunker, most could barely stand to be within a hundred yards of the wards that encased it. And the wings on her back made it very obvious that she was a supernatural creature. But powerful beings such as angels or what she was, once given permission had permission for access at given moment. Dean knew that I was not only asking for permission now but for also to trust her enough to allow her to enter the bunker whenever she wanted. That bothered him, he didn't know her and the Winchesters did not trust easily. "Trust me, Dean." Dean's eyes bore into mine as I saw his mind reach a decision. He continued to stare at me, trusting me as he said "She's allowed in." and with that I saw Sam carry her into the bunker giving her permanent access across the wards. "Thank you, Dean."

"Yeah, come on, you have some healing then explaining to do." Dean said as he helped me from the ground and lead me to the bunker. Sam was waiting for us as we walked in the bunker and looking at me, he asked "Where do you want me to lay her down, Cas?"

"Take her to my room. I will begin healing her there, be careful with her wings."

Sam laid her on my rarely used bed in my just a rarely used room. He was gentle with her which I was grateful for. I placed my hands on the what I hoped were the more powerful symbols and began whispering in Enochian a healing spell I only used when my simple grace wasn't enough. Slowly and surely the sigils began to diminish and disappear but my strength was going just as quickly.

"Cas!" Dean yelled as I slumped against the bed. "Enough, Cas! You can't do anymore for now!"

I leaned on Dean as we left the room with in my opinion barely any healing done. "I need to do more, Dean. She still has too many sigils."

"It's enough for now." Dean said. "Anymore you'll pass out and then you won't be able to help her at all for a lot longer than if you stop and rest now."

Dean led me from the room to the couch and sat me down on it as Kevin drifted into the room.

"What happened? Did you get Abaddon? What's with the yellings?" he asked.

"No we didn't get Abaddon. Instead, we've saved someone Cas seems to know really well." Dean replied "Who is she, Cas? You owe us an explanation especially since I've now allowed her into the top secret supernatural repellent bunker."

"Yeah, Cas, who is she?" Sam also asked as I sat there looking at them both wishing I had my old grace back so I could still be healing her instead of having to rest and being bombarded with a question I wasn't fully wanting to answer.

"Her name is Abigalia, and as to why she's important to me, she's the one who raised me in Heaven."


	3. Chapter 3

Hi again! So I am writing these really fast, like wow! Then again this story has been in my head for a while so I feel like its flying out of me needing to get down. This chapter is much longer than the last two but it has a lot of information in it so I think its ok. This is from Dean's perspective and once again I hope ya'll love it! Please review/comment! Much Love

Disclaimer: I have not and will never own any of the Supernatural characters... (sadness)

Chapter 3

"she's the one who raised me in Heaven." As these words washed over Dean he was meet with a mixture of emotions the strongest being relief. As to why he was relieved he wasn't in the mood to really ponder. He would deal with that later or never depending on how many beers he drank tonight.

"What do you mean she raised you in Heaven? Is she an angel?" Sam asked

"She is not an angel, who or what she is much more complicated than that but she was honored in Heaven. And when I say raised I mean just that. Angels don't just appear grown. We age as humans do although in a much different manner. When Father creates us we are appear as fledglings, your equivalent of human babies to toddlers. We age fairly fast from that point on till we reach the age of maturity. However when I mean fast I mean that in relation to ageing for angels." Cas replied.

"So like angels go from being a baby to a kid to a teenager in what like five years."

"No, more or less we age at the same rates as humans before maturity but when we reach the age of say 20 years our ageing basically stops. That is fast for angels though since we live millenniums. For angels your human year is but a blink in time in relation to how long we live." Cas told me. "Damn." I whispered. I mean I knew Cas had been around for a while and that angels were like really old and stuff but it was unnerving to think that these last few years for Cas with us hardly seemed like any time at all. "So she liked what raised you till you were angel maturity?"  
"Yes and more than that. She is family to me Dean." Cas told me.

Well that hurt. I mean weren't I...we family to Cas. I mean where was she when the world was going to hell and Cas was killed, what three times. As I turned to say these things to Cas, Sam broke across me with a look asking Cas "What do you mean she's not an angel? You said she was allowed in Heaven and I thought only angel's and souls had that kind of access."

Cas looked at both of us and I could see he didn't really want to talk about who she was. Well too bad. We needed answers and he was the only one conscious enough at the moment to answer them. "You might as well tell us who she is Cas, we're not going to just let it slide. Besides you don't have anything better to do at the moment because you sure as hell aren't about to try healing her again so soon."

As I heard him sigh in defeat he began speaking again. "Who she is, is a complicated matter. Though whether you truly believe it or not when my Father created the universe, He used an enormous amount of energy and power. With that much power being used at once there's bound to be excess. Not that my Father was wasteful in his energies rather that his new creation was similar to your nuclear power plants where on top of the nuclear energy created; radiation or another form of energy is also created. Energy that was never really meant to be created but because of the amount of power in place by the intended energy an excess happened. The new creation was such a raw form of power of life at the beginning that it could only have been expected that some of that raw power leaked. From this excess of energy of life and chaos Abigalia came to be. Much more literally she is called the Essence or that is the closest translation of her name in yours. She is literally the Essence of the universe.

"Ok, so you're saying we are currently housing a cosmic being born out of the excess energy of God. How exactly does that work Cas. I mean if she has that much power how on Earth is she even here, on Earth. Shouldn't she be like floating around in cosmic power particles."

Cas sighed at me as he said, "I know this is difficult to understand but try to comprehend that the energy that my Father used to create the universe was well, godly. He created life so how much of a stretch is it to considered from this excess of life energy new life was created. She was simply cosmic particles of energy, as you say, at the beginning but she desired more. She desired true life and so these cosmic particles decided to form a new lifeform in the shape of Abigalia."

"Well that's complicated."

"Yes but this all happened fairly quickly and at the very beginning. She was present before the fall."

"How is that right didn't the fall happen after everything was created." Kevin asked him.

"I never said she was created when my Father was finished creating. She was born from the first creation of life which was when He created Heaven and the Earth. Your Bible says that my Father created everything in days but that is actually quite inaccurate. Of course he had the ability to create everything in days but it is my belief He wanted to enjoy each aspect of His creation before continuing. The stretch between each "day of creation" actually went on for hundred of years."

I could see Sam eating up all of this new information. He was such a nerd sometimes, Kevin too. They both looked kids at Christmas opening a present at Cas's story. I on the other hand was freaking out a little bit. Just what they need a super powered girl with cosmic powers with access to the bunker.

"So when you say she was honored in Heaven what do you mean? Oh and what do you mean when you say she was formed. Did she just appear in Heaven looking like she does now or was she like a fledgling like you. And when you say..."

"Jeeze Kevin just let Cas tell his story!"

Sam glared at me as Kevin finally shut up. What it's not like he couldn't ask Cas

all these questions later when I wasn't around and couldn't get bored to death.

Cas glanced at me and the continued going focusing on Kevin saying "Yes and no to the fledgling question. She was never a baby but according to her and the older angels she did simply appear but as more of a small child. But as to did she just appear in Heaven no, she actually appeared on the newly formed Earth on the so called third creation day which was the first time my Father used life creating energy in such an abundance. He of coursed used that energy when creating Heaven but the kind for Earth was different and it was from this she appeared. My Father found her wandering the new Earth and decided she belonged in Heaven. She grew up with the archangels and she was honored for that and because my Father commanded us to treat her as if she was one of us."

"Alright so she's super powerful, an honorary archangel and currently dying in your room. Is that about right."

"She is not dying because she cannot die." Before I could ask how she couldn't die Cas continued saying "She can not die because that would be similar to killing the universe itself. She can feel pain and be injured to the point of a coma which is what has happened to her now but she can not be killed. The universe, the essence of who she is heals her, even with the sigils covering her body they can not prevent that. They can slow the process down but not truly prevent it. She's immortal in the most truest sense of the form."

As we all sat they're letting that information sink it a scream rang throughout the bunker. Before I could blink Cas was gone and I knew there was only one place he could have gone. "Shit, come on we have to stop him from killing himself to help her." With that me and Sam raced to Cas's room where the scream had came from. As we burst through the door we saw Cas attempting to heal some of the sigils that covered her skin. Before I could even yell at Cas to stop he passed out dropping to the floor. "Cas!" I raced to his side to make sure he was alright.

"Dean what do you think happened?' Sam asked me.

"I think she's not as deep in a coma as we hoped and that she's feeling extreme pain at the moment Sam, and she just woke up to that. But if she's waking up hopefully that means she's healing faster than we thought. I'm going to go put Cas on my bed, just stay with her and I don't know, be prepared if she wakes up again."

I picked up Cas and left the room as I saw Sam sit down of the edge of the bed with a worried look on his face. At least if she woke up she wouldn't be alone. I took Cas back to my room and laid him on my bed hoping that he was angel enough that falling to the floor like he did, didn't do any real damage. "Damnit Cas, didn't I tell you not to go trying to kill yourself." As I sat down next to him I realized just how much had fallen on our plate and only one thought kept going thru my head. If this girl couldn't be killed then why did Cas think she was dead? "Why can't things ever be simple for us..." As I waited for my angel to wake up I hoped that maybe tomorrow would be a less confusing and stressful day.


	4. Chapter 4

Another chapter! So this ones much much longer than the others but then again I have been dying to write this chapter for days now. This will be the first of many written from Abigalia's perspective! So now for anyone wondering where I got her from, I may sound crazy to you but I pulled her from a dream I had. Yep I'm one of those kind of people who have super vivid dreams that are literally stories. Makes waking up super sucky. But she's one of my more favorite characters from my dreams and surprisingly worked perfect with the boys and what I wanted for a story. May I really can talk. Ok so shutting up now and without further ado (Always wanted to say that) heres the next chapter and once again please review, review, review!

Disclaimer: I own none of the amazing Supernatural characters presented in my story...

Chapter 4

Most people think waking up is like coming out of a deep fog. You peacefully slip from one state of being to another. Right about now I wanted to hit those people over the head. Waking up for me was nothing like a fog. More like breaking down walls that I had placed to keep the pain out. Pain that was still there but more like a background noise. I wasn't even really sure why I was waking up in the first place. I had learned quickly enough it was better to stay behind the walls than face the horrors the demons had in store for me. Maybe the reason I was waking up was because they had done one of their special little spells again and were forcing me from my head. But this waking up didn't feel like that. Those times the walls were still there and it was more like I was literally being dragged through them. This time the walls were going down, more like crumbling as if my body sensed I needed to wake up. What had changed then was the question I needed to ask myself. As I did a check over my self I noticed a lot of things. First, I didn't feel shackles on me, anywhere. For the first time in so long I was free. The only thing holding me down was the pain and that was actually reducing as I laid on something else I hadn't experienced in a long, long time. I was lying on a bed, an actual bed. One that had a foam like substance that conformed to my body. One that was comfortable and nice. A bed. Second, the pain was decreasing which meant I was healing. Healing and not in the increased painful way the demons allowed me to have in order to keep me conscience as the spell had a hold over me. No in the calm peaceful way I used to heal before they captured me and placed the accursed sigils all over my body. Which meant more than anything else that my power was returning. The sigils were mostly gone and my power was returning. As I repeated this over and over in my head I finally noticed one final thing. I wasn't alone. Someone else was with me wherever I was and close to. I began to panic thinking maybe this all was just another way for the demons to torture me until I heard voices begin speaking, with one of those voices being one I would recognize anywhere. I could hear Castiel speaking and that in itself gave me more hope than the bed or any of the other small freedoms I just discovered ever could.

"Dean, get out of my way. I need to be in there healing her."

The person I assumed was Dean began whisper yelling at Cas with what sounded like concern and anger saying "Cas, you can barely stand. You're not healing her, at least not until you've had something to eat and slept for a good four hours."

"I am an angel. I don't require substance or sleep." Cas said.

"You were an angel, now you only have like half your mojo and you're using all of that on her. Cas it's been three days, you've got most of the sigils. You said she's got awesome healing powers of her own, well let her use them. You need to just give her time Cas, she'll wake up when she's ready." Whoever this Dean person was he obviously cared for Castiel which was comforting. Knowing that my Castiel was among those who cared for him was the best news I've heard for a long time but what he said about Castiel was not. Half his mojo? What did that mean? Was Castiel no longer a full angel and how exactly could that happen. It did not sound as if he was fallen and with my returning powers I could feel angel grace emitting from where Castiel's voice was coming from but it didn't feel quite right. It felt like his grace but also not. What had happened? This was obviously the reason I had woken up though. My body registered the fact Castiel was basically killing himself by trying to heal me so it broke the walls in order for me to assure him that I was able to heal myself now. Which meant I needed to get up or at least move in order to alert Castiel to the fact that I was awake. However moving was a daunting task at the moment. My body felt leaden and though the pain was dull, I knew moving of any kind was going to make it once again very evident. With a count of three in my head I both quickly opened my eyes and moved slightly both of which caused immediate pain and a groan to emmitt through me.

"Woah, you're awake. Don't move."

As I looked up to see the face of the voice that just spoke to me I was shocked by the brilliance of the soul towering above me. Being who I was, I could both see the souls of humans and their outer shells just as angels could. Yet the soul was always the first thing I saw if I didn't pay attention. And this soul was one of the brightest I've ever seen. Maybe it was simply so bright to me because I had not seen a true human soul in so long but I really didn't believe that staring at it. It was brilliant but far from pure. It had the look of a soul that was beaten down and taken lower, as low as demons, but had somehow purified itself back to what it once was. I could barely see the traces of the darkness I felt had once had a hold over it but I could see this soul was battling this darkness daily and winning. It was beautiful, brilliant, and worn as all the best souls are and at that moment I had never seen a more beautiful and stunning sight.

"Who are you?" I whisper, struggling to look past the soul to the face behind it. As the face swam into focus I saw kind eyes, a crooked smile, and a face just a beautiful as the soul look down on me. A male with what looked to be much to long hair for his gender and way to tall by any normal standards, was all I could make out before I was distracted once again by him smiling and saying "I'm Sam Winchester and my brother and I saved you. Oh, along with an old friend of yours who I'm pretty sure you'll be happy to see." As he smiled down at me his name rattled something in my head. Winchester, I knew that name. As I struggled to figure out how his name sounded familiar it suddenly clicked. Winchester, that was the name of the vessels. The vessels of Michael and the MorningStar. As I stared up into his face I knew which one he was. Only someone with a soul that bright and with traces of darkness in it was fit to hold the MorningStar. He was the vessel of Lucifer. The minute that thought shook through my mind memories began flooding back to me. Memories I had placed behind a wall in order to keep my sanity during the torture. These were the memories of all the torture done to me, placed behind a wall in order that I could function at all. There were so many memories behind this wall that I had begun to fear that it would crack just by the sheer number of them. Seems like that wasn't going to happen now since the simple thought of Lucifer sent the wall crushing down and the memories of all the pain and horror enveloped me. I felt my body seize up as the sheer number of memories overwhelmed me. My capture, the first feel of the blade on my body, the first time the hurt my wings, the first time the defiled me. I heard the person called Sam yell out as my body began to spasm with all the imagined pain. The first time the tortured someone else in front of me, the first human, the first angel. I heard voices join with Sams as more came crashing down. The sound of my torturer's laugh, the sound of my bones snapping, the sound of them being forced to mend. I felt someone trying to enter my mind as I felt myself being lost in the sea of memories. The sigils, the damn sigils that became my every waking moment. The way the bound me, the way the hurt. "Abigalia!" The voice was important but I was afraid. The memories had their hold on me and I was afraid that fighting back would hurt worse than the memories already did. "Abigalia!" I needed to fight back though, for that voice, that voice was important. It tugged at other memories, better memories. "ABIGALIA!" The voice broke through and with it came an escape. I clung to the voice as I felt the wall go back up and the memories retreat to the other side.

I gasped into consciousness, the light stunning my eyes as I blinked to look for the voice that brought me out of the pain. Castiel, my angel stared down at me with a worried look on his face. He obviously was in a vessel as all angels must be on earth but it wasn't a vessel at the same time. Once it was a vessel but now the body was his just as mine was mine. The body was made for him not chosen and if there had ever been a human soul within the body before it was long gone now. "Castiel" I croaked out. "You saved me..."


	5. Chapter 5

Another Chapter! And I am really spoiling whoever's reading these because this will be two chapters in one day! This one was a little difficult but fun to write. Its basically the events that happened in the previous chapter but all from Sam's perspective. Hope everyone enjoys and once again please, please review!

Disclaimer: None, none of the Supernatural characters are mine, no matter how much I wish they were...

Chapter 5

Her eyes were beautiful. That was the first thought through Sam's mind as the girl he'd been watching over for the past three days looked up at him. Her eyes looked as if miniature suns had been caught within them. I smiled down at her trying to reassure her about to call for Cas and Dean when she asked "Who are you?"

She was staring at me which was a little weird but I guess if after only seeing demons for so long a kind face probably looked foreign to her. "I'm Sam Winchester and my brother and I saved you. Oh, along with an old friend of yours who I'm pretty sure you'll be happy to see." She looks lost for a second probably trying to figure out who I meant by old friend and I was just about to tell her when a look of shock crosses her face. It was a look of both horror and understanding and I worried that she was thinking I was about to torture her again when her eyes rolled back in her head and her body seized up. "Hey, it's ok, hey!" I yell at her trying to stop whatever bad thoughts are running through her head when all of a sudden her body convulses and her wings shoot outward and almost take my head off. "Shit. Dean! Cas! Get in here! I think she's having a seizure."

Cas burst into the room with a frantic look on his face and races to the side of the bed.

"What the hell Sam, you were suppose to be watching her!" Dean yells at me.

"I was! She woke up and everything seemed ok when all of sudden something set her off

and this started happening. Is she ok Cas? What happened?"

"She's being overwhelmed by the amount of torture memories she has. She had apparently placed a wall around those memories in order to continue to function but the wall has broken and she is not handling the onslaught." Cas told me in a worried voice.

The look on his face told me he was worried, really worried. I wasn't surprised either. From what Cas was saying it sounded like she had a wall like I had when Death put my soul back in. It was suppose to protect me from all the memories of The Cage so that I could know what was real or not, basically so I could function. When that wall went down it almost killed me. It was only thanks to Cas taking on all the "crazy" ,as Dean likes to say, that I'm even alive now. "What are you going to do Cas?"

"I'm going to attempt to connect with her mentally. I'm hopeful that she can personally rebuild the wall that just collapsed. She has the ability to, if she can simply focus on anything other than the memories that are currently controlling her. I'm going to give her something other to focus on." Cas said.

"What's that mean for you Cas?" Dean asked. "Are you going to be alright at the end of this?"

Dean was obviously also thinking about what happened when my wall broke and how long it took Cas to get back to his normal, well normal for him, self.

"I will be fine Dean, I'm not taking the memories, simply giving her a way to escape them." Cas told Dean, they then proceeded to have one of their staring moments which really seemed counterproductive. Cas and Dean finally broke eye contact and Cas placed his hands on the woman he called Abigalia and began whispering. I couldn't really hear what he was saying but it sounded like Enochian and what's more Cas's eyes started doing the whole glowy angel thing that happens whenever he really uses his grace. Her body was still seizing as I heard Cas begin to speak louder almost pleading when all of a sudden her body jolted and then stopped. I feared maybe it hadn't worked and she was gone when her striking eyes opened again. Her eyes blinked and then focused on Cas. I managed to barely hear her as she croaked out "Castiel. You saved me."

I saw the tension that Cas had been holding for the last three days leave his shoulder and what surprisingly looked like a smile crossed his face.

"I thought you were dead. I know you can not die per-se but I had believed you had given up and passed on. I thought you were gone." Castiel said.

The girl closed her eyes for a moment before looking at Cas saying "I all but had moved on. The only thing that kept me here and not moving on was the fear of what the demons could do with the residual energy."

"What do you guys mean moved on. I thought you said she couldn't be killed Cas." Dean asked looking both confused and a little pissed off which I didn't really understand.

"She can not be killed. Not by conventional means. But she can choose to essentially kill herself. I told you she was a cosmic being Dean and by choosing to move on or kill herself she blends back into the cosmos."

"Suicide should never be something people choose. There's always something worth fighting for. Just laying down and dying, that's not a choice Cas, that's giving up." Dean spits back.

Before I could yell at Dean for being himself the girl Abigalia spoke up. "I understand

your view on that Dean but torture can break people and I wouldn't have been dying for me, I would have been dying for so much more. But you're right I would have been giving up but that's why I held on. Even after I had lost hope of someone, anyone coming for me I knew that whatever left over power remained behind the demons could use to torture and kill so many more people. That's why I held on but if there was a chance I could have moved on and the demons gain nothing I would have taken it. You can not imagine the horrors inflicted on me and the question remains how long would you have lasted before they would have broken you. More than all that though if I could have moved on with leaving nothing behind I would have because then the demons would have never gotten what they were after. I would never have to worry about my power falling into a monster's hands. So maybe you see my decision of passing on as weak but considering the circumstances I do not. Either way it doesn't matter, I didn't move on and I didn't break. So shut up."

I worried that maybe Dean was about to explode on her when he just abruptly left the room. "I better go make sure he doesn't go yell at and traumatize Kevin." I say moving to leave the room. I wasn't really leaving to find Dean, just to give Cas and her time to catch up.

"Wait. Sam right?" the girl Abigalia says to me. I turn to her and am once again amazed by the brilliance of her eyes. "Thank you, both of you, for saving me. Let your brother know I didn't mean any offense I just wanted him to understand some. But more than that, just thank you." She smiles at me and it takes my breath away. "Get it together Sam." I think to myself. I smile back and leave the room immediately trying to come up with ideas on how to make her smile at me again.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi! Sorry for the delay but I have been sick the last couple of days and the words wouldn't flow. Finally feeling better and I write more than I ever have ahhh! So this chapter is really, really long but it's also a synopsis of everything that's happened so far in the supernatural verse which I think is important to included so ya'll know exactly where the character's are at during this time. But yeah extremely long. This one is once again written from Abigalia's perspective and just for future reference all Italic words are telepathic communications. So yeah hope ya'll like this chapter and once again please review/comment! Much love!

Disclaimer: I own none of the Supernatural characters (Sighs)

Chapter 6

As the Sam left the room I turned back to Castiel expecting a soldier's face staring back at me. Castiel always tried to hard to be the good little soldier on the surface even though I knew turmoil of emotions often plagued him. Yet I was met with a surprise as the face Castiel had on was not devoid of emotions. If anything the face was full of human emotions the biggest being worry. "I hope I didn't insult your friend to much."

Castiel just continued to stare at me saying nothing as the words left my mouth. I could feel the guilt rolling off of him and knew I needed to address that emotion first before asking him what had happened to him and everything else. I didn't know how long the demons had me but things had obviously changed in my absence and now the only question was how much. "Castiel, this is not your fault nor do I blame you for not finding me. My powers were bound there was no way you could have found me. You came to the only logical conclusion there was, that I had passed on. This wasn't your fault." I spoke to him as I would speak to any angel. Appealing to their logic and making it all about understanding. I figured that would work for Castiel because it had always worked before. Which is why Castiel suddenly standing and saying "I know it wasn't my fault but I still feel guilty for giving up on you. I shouldn't have given up on you!" shocked me so much. I should have taken paid more attention to the fact he had emotions on his face that this was not the same Castiel I once knew. This Castiel no longer hid from the turmoil, rather embraced it partially.

"Castiel, how long was I missing?" I knew I couldn't calm him down until I understood where he was coming from. If he stopped looking for me it must have been a long time. To me it felt like a decade but knew that wasn't most likely right. Either way at the time he stopped looking he must have felt justified in doing so but during that time he was probably still the soldier he wasn't clearly now. He was most likely feeling more guilty for giving up on me then and who he was, than what actually happened to me.

"You were missing for five years, more or less." Castiel told me. Five years. Half a decade so I wasn't really that far off. How much had the world changed in those, and more importantly what had happened to all those I loved during those years. Did they die during the impending Apocalypse I was kidnapped in order to be prevented from being a part of. Or did they survive the end because it was obvious after seeing the two vessels that the Apocalypse never happened. Their bodies would not be intact if the final battle had come to pass.

"Five years." I whisper. I see Castiel looking at me with an injured expression on his face. What had happened to free him from being a mindless soldier. "Castiel, its all right. I'm alright. I'm alive and you found me. I am healing thanks to you. I am free thanks to you. Five years is a long time to look for someone. And it doesn't matter anyways because you found me. I am alive Castiel and that's all that matters."

"But.." Castiel began to say "No buts. I don't care that you stopped looking for me, only that you found me and saved me. Castiel you saved me." Castiel slowly came back to sit beside me on the bed and looking down at me he said "You saved me so many times it seemed only fitting I save you at least once." He says all this with a slight smile on his face and once again I marvel at the change that had happened to him. The old Castiel never joked. I began to look at him and I mean really look at him and noticed many things.

I was right in my earlier assessment that his vessel was no longer a vessel really, was the first thing I noticed. I was incorrect in thinking it was ever actually a vessel however. It was clearly copied off of a human body and what was most likely one of Castiel's old vessels but this body had never held a human soul. This body was made specifically for Castiel and only Castiel himself had ever inhabited it. I also noticed that I was right in noticing something off about Castiel's grace. It wasn't right. It felt and looked both like Castiel's grace but also like another angel's grace. Castiel noticed me studying him and simply stared back waiting for me to finish. "_What did you do Castiel." _I whisper to his mind.

_"I defended myself." _He replied.

It felt good to finally speak to someone through the mind as only angels could do after so long. It was a feeling of family and speaking from one mind to another meant love and communion when it was simply conversation such as this. Orders and messages didn't count.

_"That's obviously not the entire story. What happened these last five years and I want everything. Lucifer was released but the final battle obviously never went down. What happened? Why are you here with the Winchesters? What do you mean to them and them to you? What happened to you Castiel?"_

A felt Castiel hesitate to answer and thinking that it was from his fear for my health I said to him "_If you're worried that you telling me everything will trigger another attack do not. I have the wall securely built and now another attack like that is impossible. I need to know what has happened Castiel. It is important I know in order that any major issues that have arisen the past five years I can being to fix. I am back Castiel and I must begin my purpose of watching over humanity and the Earth once again. I choose that purpose long ago and my health is not as important as it. So tell me Castiel what happened?"_

_ "That's not why I'm hesitant" _Castiel replied _"I'm more worried about what you will think of me after I tell you everything. A lot has happened in your absence, the majority of it is not good. It is only thanks to the Winchester's that the world is still even intacted today."_

_ "I could never hate you Castiel. But I need to know so tell me."_

He hesitated a second longer before sighing and looking at me with a worried expression. "_I hope you're right." _he said. _"I'll show you everything that has happened in the last five years but before that I'll tell you why the Winchester's are important to me. They showed me my true purpose, the true purpose that I think all angel's once had but has gotten lost over time. That protecting humanity is our purpose above all else. And more than that, that we should learn from humans and love them like our Father does. The Winchester's set me free from Heaven's corrupt ideals and allowed me my own choices. And I have never been happier or more free. I have done a lot of wrong because of my new free will but I am selfish enough to never want it taken from me and cannot regret my actions enough to want to go back and have myself never experience it." _

I was about to protest that Castiel wanting happiness wasn't a truly selfish thing and what wrongs had he done when he unleashed all his memories from the last five years on me. I saw his choice to rebel and help Dean Winchester because he had lost faith in Heaven but had found it in the righteous memories skipped forward to show that they found a way to once again open the cage and their desperate plan to push Lucifer back in. I saw Castiel defy Michael and Lucifer destroyed him in retaliation. Castiel was brought back somehow and his first memory in his new body was of Sam breaking free and jumping into the Cage. I saw Castiel struggle with the aftermath of the almost Apocalypse and Raphael's determination to control Heaven and restart it. I saw Castiel free Sam from the Cage but noticed even though Castiel had not at the time that he didn't get all of him out. I saw Castiel stare on as Dean raked leaves and he struggled with asking for advice and not wanting to pull him back into the life. I saw Castiel make a deal with the Crossroads King and being down a dark path. I saw the beginning of the war in Heaven and hundred of angel's dying. I saw Castiel's plan for defeating Raphael and how he began to lose himself. I saw Castiel's one last plea from his Father for advice and then his betrayal of the man he gave everything up for. I saw Castiel murder my Balthazar and open the gates to Purgatory. I saw Castiel destroy Raphael but also lose himself the power no angel should have touched. I saw him do horrible deeds as a false god on Earth and on Heaven. I saw him massacre Heaven and throw it into chaos. I saw thousands of angels dead by his hands. I also saw how the Leviathan's were barely contained by him and how he could not control all the power he had. I saw him plead with the friends he had betrayed, to help him return the souls to purgatory but how it didn't work and the Leviathan's took over his soul. I saw him break free enough in order to save Dean and the others but how in doing so he killed himself. I saw him once again be saved but this time with no memory and with a false name of Emanuel. A saw months speed by with Castiel being lost until Dean found him and reminded him of who he was. I saw Castiel attempting to amend for his betrayal of Sam and his destruction of his wall and taking on a madness I had just experience. I saw Castiel lost until a prophet was born and the word of God found. I saw Castiel's mind broken but how he conquered himself and destroy the Leviathan's he freed. I saw Castiel in Purgatory attempting to keep Dean safe by staying away even though every second he longed to be by his side. I saw his decision to serve penance in Purgatory for his crimes and forcing Dean to leave even though it killed him to do so. I saw angels rescue Castiel from Purgatory and Naomi take control of Castiel's mind. I saw Castiel being tortured and manipulated and being placed as a spy among the Winchester's. I saw Castiel kill my Samandriel and Naomi place a new mission in Castiel's mind. I saw the quest for the angel tablet and Castiel breaking free of Naomi's mind control through will when she asked him to do something he could not do, no matter how many times she made him practice. I saw Castiel hiding and then being found and the being once again saved by the Winchesters. I saw Castiel make a deal with Metatron to save Heaven but end up destroying it instead. I saw Catstiel be used to make the angels fall. I saw the angels fall. I saw Castiel as human until he stole another angel's grace. And then the memories stopped.

As I sat there waiting for the tears that had started at some point cease I was almost overwhelmed by all I had seen. The angels. So many of my brothers and sisters dead and most by the one sitting beside me. Samandriel, one of the most peaceful angels in Heaven and the last one born before I left. I raised him the same way I raised Castiel. The same way I raised all those angels I called mine. All the different angels, the ones who just didn't fit in. Samandriel was too peaceful to most, too loving. And Balthazar, oh my Balthazar, he could never follow the rules, similar to Castiel. He always wanted to find pleasure before all else, just wanted freedom in the ways angels weren't allowed to have. They were dead now, both killed by my Castiel. This knowledge hurt more than anything else. So many dead and now all fallen. I now knew why Castiel feared I would hate him after showing me everything. "Castiel." Castiel flinched as if I had struck him when I said his name. He was sitting away from me, back turned with shoulders hunched. His wings that were torn and half his and not enveloped him and I knew he thought I hated him. Honestly it was hard not to feel anger and just hatred toward him but I couldn't because he was still my Castiel. Thanks to the memories being all his I knew why he had done everything and his intentions were always good just misguided. No I didn't hate him, I was angry and hurt but no he was still mine. "Castiel, look at me." He turned to do so and I fought off another wave of tears as Balthazar's and Samandriel faces swam to my mind. Revenge was not something they would have wanted. "I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm in pain. So much death, so many of our brother and sister's gone. Most by you." He flinched at this. I could see him expecting me to yell or hurt him or something. "I forgive you Castiel." He looked up with shocked eyes at this. "I forgive you but I can't be around you right now. I need to grieve and feel anger and all these things which I can't do while you're around. I can't grieve for my Balthazar and Samandriel in the face of their killer. I'm sorry but I need time, but Castiel I forgive you and you will always be mine."

"I'm sorry." Castiel whispered to me. I felt him push his feelings of remorse and everything else over what he had done into my mind but I pushed him away. "I know Castiel but I need time. Give me time and then we can grieve together. Then I will let you back in but for right now I cannot be your sister. Right now give me time." Castiel rose from the bed with defeated posture. I knew me pushing him away hurt but after everything he had done I needed time away so that my forgiveness could be true and that my anger did not lash out on him. As he began to walk out the door I whispered to him "Castiel, thank you again for saving me, my Castiel." and then he was gone and grief was all that was left. I let myself give into the grief, anger and pain and blackness washed over my vision.


	7. Chapter 7

Another chapter another crappy week. Well here's the next instalment and life has been stressful guys and I'm definitely not posting or writing as often as I would like. Anyways I hope ya'll enjoy this chapter and the story so far and once again this ones a little long. Much love darlings and please oh please review!

Disclaimer: I own none of the Supernatural characters...

Chapter 7

As I stormed out of the room pissed off because I just got told off by some girl I didn't even know, he began to realized how childish he acted just leaving like that which only pissed him off further. There weren't any real words to his anger, he was just pissed. And the only thing that could calm him down when he was in one of these moods was either a real good slice of pie, working on his baby or the man sitting in the room with the women his anger's currently directed at. As I turned to the garage to cool off I heard footsteps following and for some weird reason felt myself hope maybe Cas had come after him. As he turned to the approaching figure he was met with disappointment noticing that it was Sam and not Cas.

"What the hell was that Dean?" Sam asked.

"Nothing. Just drop it Sammy." I turned back around and continued fuming.

"No I'm not going to just drop it. What's got you so pissed off. She hasn't done anything to you and your acting childish." Sam said forcing me to stop moving toward the garage with a hand on my shoulder. "Just drop it I said." I shrug his hand off and continue on to the garage. I know I'm acting stupid and there is no real reason for me to be pissed I just am. It's something about how connected she is to Cas and how worried I've been the last couple of days. Cas has almost killed himself multiple times trying to save this girl and no matter how much I yelled at him each day he would push himself to the edge. This Abigalia waking up was a good thing since it meant Cas didn't need to hurt himself everyday anymore but for some reason this didn't make me feel any better. _Maybe it's because you're afraid she'll take Cas away from you._ A part of him whispered. Yeah well that part of him needed to shut up. Cas was a grown ass man or angel, whatever, he could go anywhere he wanted and Dean didn't have any hold on him. But still the thought of Cas leaving with this girl, even though Cas insisted that they were simply family, twisted something in his chest. I now not only needed the comfort of working on my baby but also a drink in my hand. I changed direction to get the bottle of Jack from the kitchen before making my way once again to the garage. Once getting there I took a long swig before I started tuning my baby.

"Starting a little early today aren't we?" I turned to the voice seeing it belong to Crowley who was lounging against one of the many cars that occupied the garage. They all once belonged to various Men of Letters that had passed through the bunker one time or another. Crowley pushed himself away from the car an sauntered over to where he was with one of his signature smirks. He was really starting to piss me off and I was beginning to regret my decision to let Crowley have a little freedom in the bunker. He and Sam had decided after a while of living with the once King of Hell that he could have a little more freedom. Crowley had been a valuable resources to the boys with not only the hunt for Abaddon but other hunts as well. He also wasn't full demon anymore which made him not as much of a threat as he once was. At first when the boys let Crowley out of the dungeon he had avoided them choosing to spend most of his time in the library or his new room. But as time passed he became a constant shadow helping the boys with whatever they needed. He cooked meals, helped with research and was just generally un-Crowleyish. Sam liked to think that maybe the incident at the church had made Crowley a better person. He however just thought that Crowley was most likely just biding his time. Cas agreed with Sam however and Kevin said as long as he stayed the hell away from him then he didn't care where Crowley was so I was outvoted and Crowley got to roam free around the bunker. And I really didn't want to deal with him right now. "Why don't you just fuck off."

"Language Winchester." Crowley said. He leaned over and picked up the bottle of Jack I had placed on the floor and took of swig of it himself. I rolled my eyes at him and tried concentrating on fixing baby and cooling my temper. "Someone's in a bad mood. What's pissing you off today Squirrel."

"At the moment you." My temper was rising again and I reached for the bottle Crowley was currently holding. Crowley handed it over easy enough but the smirk grew even more prominent on his face.

"Come on Squirrel, you know I only want to help."

"If I tell you will you leave me the hell alone."

"It's a possibility." Crowley says and then leans back against the nearest car.

"Alright fine, I'm pissed at the girl alright, and at myself. I'm just pissed and want to be left the fuck alone so why don't you leave."

Crowley simply continues to stand there and I turn to once again tell him off but he interrupts me before I can start saying "Oh Squirrel it breaks my heart to see you so upset so I'm going to help you out. Instead of moping in here you should be out there cozying up to your angel and being nice to his cosmic sister. You're not winning any points with angel-wings out there by being mean to someone he's obviously cares about."

"What the hell. That's not even..." The words choked in my mouth not even sure what the hell Crowley was talking about.

"Yeah whatever Squirrel, you keep lying to yourself and I'll keep enjoying the show." Crowley says with a wink and then walks out the room.

I roll my eyes at the weird confusing ex-demons comment and reach out to pick up the bottle of Jack where I had placed it feeling nothing until I look and sees it's gone. "Son of a bitch, that asshole took the bottle." I sighs at the loss of the good liquor and decides that I still need a drink and so moves back toward the kitchen to find something else. Walking in I sees Cas sitting at the counter staring at nothing. "Hey Cas I thought you'd be with what's her name."

"Abigalia." Cas says. "Her name is Abigalia."

"Yeah we'll whatever. I thought you'd be with Abby then."

"She does not want my company." Cas says with what sounds like a whimper which causes me to turn from the liquor cabinet I was currently searching through to my (wait what my?) angel.

"What the hell do you mean she doesn't want your company. You saved her life and have almost been killing yourself every day by trying to heal her. Cas if this is about what I said...I can go apologize. I don't want me causing a rift between you two." I barely get the last part out but I can see on Cas's face that he's hurt and I can't have that being because of me. Even if it really is that girl's fault.

"It's not because of you Dean. I showed her everything that has happened since her disappearance and she is dealing with it and trying to accept the horrors I have done." Cas says finally looking at me with so much pain in his eyes. I knew better than anyone everything Cas had done over the last five years and yeah it was bad. But I also knew he was more than sorry for everything and that holding on to the past like that wasn't helping anyone, most of all him. I started getting more and more pissed at the girl again because she was once again hurting Cas. "Well she needs to get the hell over it. You're sorry for what you've done and that wasn't all you Cas. You've also been working hard to clean up your mess the same way me and Sam have been doing ours. She has no right to be mean to you Cas after everything you've done for her." I got up determined to go give that Abby girl a piece of my mind when Cas grabs my arm.

"Dean stop. She wasn't cruel to me. She simply asked for time to deal and to forgive me. She's already said she doesn't hate me even though she has every right to and that she's already forgiven me. But I've killed so many of our family Dean and I know I had no control over some of my actions but the massacre of Heaven, Balthazar, those were both me and she is trying to deal with that and she cannot do that with me there. How can she morn the one's she loved if their murderer are in the room with her." I flinch at the use of the word murderer feeling that's not something Cas should ever be called. He ignores me however and simple continues saying "It's not her fault Dean I will just have to be patient and hopefully she can find it within her to be around me again."

I place my hand on Cas's shoulder trying to give him some comfort, something I'm not really good at. "She will Cas, if you're half as important to her as she is to you then all you need to do is give her time. You're family Cas, probably the last family she has and everyone needs family. Just give her time." My anger disappeared with my words and I know that I can't keep being pissed at this girl simply because I'm jealous of the relationship she has with Cas. If she's important to Cas than I need to accept her at least for his sake. And what's more me being pissed isn't helping Cas who's hurting for something we've all already gotten through. If I'm pissed I can't be there for Cas and so I let go of my anger which is extremely hard. Cas places his hand on top of mind and I jump a little at the contact. He smiles up at me with his impossibly blue sorrow filled eyes and I stare back down at him. I hear someone clear their throat as they walk into the room and turn to find Kevin standing in the door.

"So it's your night to cook Dean and I was wondering what's on the menu. Oh and Cas, I'm glad your friend woke up." he says with a small smile.

I move away from Cas with a grumble and make way over to the fridge looking for something to make. Normally I would just tell Kevin to order a pizza or go for take-out but I thought we had some ground beef in the fridge and maybe I could cheer Cas up with one of my amazing burgers. Luckily we had all the ingredients and I turn back to Cas with a smile saying "How does burgers sound?"

Cas smiles back at me and I think its the most amazing thing in the world. I really needed to get ahold of myself.


	8. Chapter 8

Life Is A Struggle. Enough Said. But I love you people and this story enough to struggle and once again write another chapter. Sorry that these are being posted so far apart but Life is a Struggle. So anyways heres the next chapter and please or please someone leave a review or comment. Much love!

Disclaimer: I own none of the Supernatural characters because Life is a struggle...

Chapter 8

I awaken to the sound of a knock on my door and an amazing smell. I roll over from my back and tuck my wings closer to me. The pain has diminished greatly thanks to my rest and my power was returning as well. Pretty soon I would be able to personally take away the rest of the sigils that still marred my body. I pull the oversized t-shirt someone had put on me closer and called out a "Come in." after getting situated. Sam walked through the door once again stunning me with his shining soul and I finally figure out what the wonderful smell was coming from because in his hand is a burger. I force my eyes to only see his physical form and say "Is that for me because if that is I might just pass out again from happiness." Sam smiles down at me and says "Yeah, Dean made burgers and I figured you might be hungry. I didn't really know if you needed food or not but whenever Cas would be low on angel mojo he would eat and do human stuff so I figured it was probably the same with you."

"Well you're correct in thinking I don't normally need food but I enjoy it too much every really stop eating." I grin up at him reaching for the burger. It really did smell amazing and looked just as good. I groan after taking a bite. "This has got to be the best burger I've ever had, and I'm not just saying that because I haven't had food in five years."

Sam smiles and rolls his eyes at me and under his gaze I do something I haven't done in a really long time. I blush.

"So... how are you feeling?" Sam asks

"Much better thank you. Being able to rest for a short time has greatly helped and now since I'm conscious I can focus my healing on what's most crucial. It will still be a while before I'm fully recharged but until then all I need is rest and more of these delicious burgers." I smile up at him again and he smiles back. I finish the burger and shift my wings with pleasure at the good meal and I see him follow their movement with his eyes.

"Umm, I was wondering. Well I know Cas has wings and all but his aren't physical and I was wondering why your's were. Cas said you weren't an angel but some of a cosmic being and I was also wondering what that exactly meant and all." Sam says all this with the look of someone who loves new information and his entire being flares up in excitement. As I pause, thinking over how exactly to explain everything he backtracks saying "I wasn't trying to pry or anything and I'm sure you need your rest so nevermind." He turns to leave the room and I call out to stop him saying "No it's ok! I don't mind at all."

Sam turns back to me with an excited grin and my heart speeds up. It definitely has been a long time since anyone has made me feel flustered. I clear my throat as he sits on the edge of the bed beginning with "I assume Castiel has told you about how I came to be if you know I'm a cosmic being." Sam nods at this and I continue "What it means that I'm a cosmic being is simply that I was formed from the energy of the universe itself. Even though God was the being who began the creation He did not directly create me, more like I created myself. I was particles of life who for some reason or another wanted to experience real life. The idea of the Big Bang actually came from me because I was that bang. It was the excess of life energy from God creating everything that I happened. I am the essence of the universe made into a living being."

I could see Sam processing all this information and a thousand more questions come into existence as he learned more about me. "Before you ask me a thousand more questions about my cosmic beingness let me answer your original question about my wings first."

Sam grinned sheepishly at me but nodded letting me continue. "When I first came into being I didn't have wings at all. It was only after being with the angels that I decided I wanted wings. I could fly without them of course but their beauty on the angels amazed me and I wanted that so I created wings for myself."

"You created wings for yourself? How could you do that I mean aren't wings something you're born with like an arm?" Sam asked me.

"Cosmic being here Sam." I say with a roll of my eyes. "I could create a tail or whatever I want for myself. I can change my body to look however I want as well ,like a shapeshifter but my wings are a bit more complicated than that. When I made my wings I was still fairly young, I guess you could say, and only just had real control over my powers. When I made my wings they became a part of me more completely than when I do shapeshifting now. For example every shapeshifter has their original body that's really them. Once my real body didn't have wings but now it does. Normally I keep them tucked or hidden the same way I make my eyes a normal color when I'm around humans or those who don't know who I really am. But since I'm trying to heal and am among people who already know who I am, I'm not going to waste my energy doing that."

"Ok but why can I see them if their like angel wings?" Sam asked.

"I never said they were like angel wings. They are my wings and I am not an angel, only an adoptive member of that family. My wings are physical because I am a physical being. Angels are beings of grace and light and need a vessel in order to have a physical form. I don't. I was formed as a physical being on Earth and even amongst the angels in Heaven I still retained this form though I did make myself bigger or more intimidating when I needed to." Sam laughs down at me and I smile. Him being here has helped keep my grief at bay but I know that I need to mourn still. I don't want to stop feeling some happiness but thinking about Heaven has made me think about all that has been lost and I can't help the sadness that once again clutches at my heart. Sam notices my change in mood and stands up taking my plate with him.

"I'm gonna let you get some more rest." He says quietly moving toward the door.

"Sam." He turns back to me from the doorway and I let myself see his shining soul once more before I say "Thank you" and he smiles and leaves me alone with my grief once more.

I brush my fingers through my wings comforting me as I think about all the brothers and sisters I have lost and could not save because of my imprisonment. I force myself to sleep once more as tears run down my face chasing away the happiness I felt so briefly.


	9. Chapter 9

Writer's block is a bitch. I was struggling so hard with how I wanted this chapter to go. I know exactly how I want the story to go but middles are hard and transitions are even harder. I could see the chapter after this one but this one itself just escaped me till I woke up this morning and was like Eureka! Anyways sorry about the major late update but I hope y'all are loving this story because I do love writing it even when it's kicking my butt. So hope you enjoy and please review/comment. Would mean a lot. With much love!

Disclaimer: I own none of the Supernatural characters (but oh what joy it would be if I did sigh)

Chapter 9

The last time the bunker was this quiet had been the week after him and Sam had decided to allow Crowley out of the dungeon. Everyone was just as jumpy and cautious as they had been then. Abigalia never left the room the entire time but it was like the entire bunker felt her presence and it was putting a major down feeling on the place. Then again I could be reading more into the situation than there really was but I couldn't help it. Cas had hardly talked the entire week. The first two days after Abigalia had kicked him out of her room he hadn't left his. I had hope our conversation and my amazing burgers that day would at least convince him everything would be ok but the next day he refused to leave his room spouting some bullshit about him not feeling well and wanting to rest. All the time he tells me "he's an angel", "he doesn't require rest or substance like humans." and now he decides that he's sick. Yeah bullshit. The third day I literally dragged him from the room and forced him to interact with the rest of us. Sammy tried to keep his mind off things with research and Kevin tried to keep him busy with helping him study Enochian yet neither really seemed to work. He just kept moping around like someone had insulted his trench coat. I know he was hurting and wanted to see this Abigalia again but she still didn't want to see him or really anyone for that matter. The only person who ever went into her's now, once Cas's, room was Sam and he only ever took food in there and stayed for a few minutes. I asked him the other day what they talked about whenever he went in there but all he would say is that he they would just talk, that he was trying to keep her mind off of the pain. The fifth day Cas didn't talk the entire day unless I asked him a direct question that required a verbal response. If it didn't he would simply nod or shrug. The sixth day he just sat in front of the TV staring at a blank screen until I turned on Dr. Sexy for us to watch. And now today he was once again at the whole not leaving his room thing. I tried to get him to leave this morning for pancakes something he's never turned down before ever since he learned the wonders of blueberry ones but he wouldn't budge this morning and I just let it go. It was almost lunch time now though and I had made burgers again and I would be damned if Cas didn't have one.

"Cas! Open the door man and come grab some lunch!

"No thank you Dean. I do not feel up to having lunch today." I heard him mumble back through his new bedroom door.

"Damnit Cas come on. I made burgers."

"Dean I do not want any burgers."

I was really getting fed up with the whole talking through the door thing so praying Cas was decent I turned the knob and walked into his room.

"Is it not customary to ask to come in first before walking into someone elses room." Cas said from where he was lying on the bed. To anyone else he looked the same as he always had but I could tell there was something off with him. His tie was a little too crooked and his hair more disheveled than usual. While I was asking myself when did I start paying such close attention to Cas I replied saying "Yeah well I knew you weren't going to open the door and I didn't feel like asking anyways."

"Dean I am fine. Please go enjoy the burgers and leave me alone."

"Cas you are not fine man. You haven't left the room yet and you never turn down burgers." Cas started to say something in retaliation but I cut him off before he could saying "And also you haven't been fine all week. You've hardly talked and you've been moping around the bunker like someone just ran over your puppy."

"I do not have a puppy Dean." Cas says as he finally sits up on the bed.

"It's a metaphor Cas." I sigh. "Listen man I know you're hurting not being able to see this girl right now because of everything but you just have to give her time Cas and you moping around being all sad and refusing burgers is not going to make anything any easier."

"Dean you do not understand."

"Cas I get it. She's important and..."

"No you don't "get it!"" Cas yells at me standing up abruptly. "It's not simply because I can not see her right now, its that she doesn't want me around just as no one else wants me around! My entire family hates me and are trying to kill me! I destroyed Heaven twice now! I have so much blood on my hands, my families blood and her being here reminds me of all that because I have also failed her! How can I believe her when she says she forgives me when I can not even forgive myself! How can I ever expect her to talk to me again! But what's worse than all of this is that I want her to forgive me. I want her to talk to me again even though I deserve no such compassion. I deserve none of her's or your kindness. I am just as much of a monster as the ones you hunt Dean because I am just as selfish.

Cas stares at me as he calls himself a monster and it breaks something inside of me. I see the self loathing in his eyes and it kills me.

"Cas listen to me, you're not a monster. You're not. Yes you've done some horrible things, hell I was there for half of them, but you're not a monster. Every single time you've done something horrible it was always with good intentions." Cas tries to interrupt me but I continue over him saying "I know that doesn't make those things you did in the end right or make any of that ok it just makes you well human. I know you're an angel Cas but you're the most human angel I know which is partly my fault. I know it was always your choices Cas but you can't say I didn't have a part in pushing you toward those choices. Anyways that's not the point Cas, the point is that you're not a monster and if you are you're only a monster as far as me and Sam are. We've both done just as horrible things Cas. Sam let drank demon blood and went dark side, I tourtured hundred of souls in Hell. We started the fucking Apocalypse for crying out loud. And that's just one of the highlights. If you're a monster Cas then so are we because our hands our just as dirty."

"You're not a monster Dean. You didn't mean to do any of those things. You had no choice." Cas whispers back at me.

"Well neither did you. Cas I forgave you for the whole Leviathan thing a long time ago and the same goes for everything else because well man your family. And that's what family does. They forgive one another eventually and just accept one another for their faults and all. This girl Abigalia I know she's your family Cas but so are we and if she does decide that she doesn't want to hang around you anymore than in my opinion she wasn't your real family. Plus you'll always have us." Amazingly I'm able to get out everything to my little speech considering how dry my throat got at trying to say that last part. Cas just stands there and stares at me for a second and then he half smiles at me, immediately brightening my day.

"I hope you're wrong about her never talking to me again because she is important to me but it is nice to know I will have a home here."

"Yeah man always." I manage to croak out. "So how bout those burgers huh."

Cas smiles at me and actually follows me from the room. We walk to the kitchen in a comfortable silence until we enter the room and see who's sitting there. I feel Cas freeze behind me and can just imagine the look on his face. "Look who finally decided to leave her room." I mumble under my breath as Abigalia turns to look at me. Yeah this weeks just keeps getting better and better.


	10. Chapter 10

So for all you wonderful people still keeping up with this story... Bless you! =) The delay has purely been because of blasted, horrible, killing finals... College is torture but on the bright side I'm finally done! Woo Woo and this also means I will have much more time to finally start writing again... I still have to work way too much but still no more forcing myself to study so I can pass a class... I hope ya'll are enjoying this story and please oh please write a review if you do... Ask me a question, comment, I'd love just hearing what ya'll think... And without further ado here's (finally) another chapter...

Disclaimer: I own none of the Supernatural characters...

Chapter 10

Sleep does wonders for healing both physical and emotional. Not a day went by without a nightmare but they were bearable for the most part and either way nothing I hadn't had to deal with before. Keeping track of specific days had always been hard for me, when you live for thousands of years what are a few days, but if I had to guess it had been a week since I had awaken for the first time and since I had spoken to Castiel. I knew he was hurting and was sad at my asking him to give me space, I could feel his sorrow through the bunk but I needed the space and though I doubt I would ever be done mourning I knew that I could not avoid him forever for both our sakes. He needed someone to tell him it was ok and I needed someone who could also truly understand my sadness. I also needed to know more about what I had missed over the years. He had given me the points from his view but I could tell there was a lot that I was missing and either way he couldn't tell me anything about the one person I was most worried about anyways. My only visitor over the past week had been Sam. He had only stayed for a few minutes each time he brought me food, waiting till I had finished eating but each visit was the highlight to my day. We both avoid hard topics instead simply talking about stupid social things that had changed in the last five years which I was thankful for. I assumed he could tell I wasn't really ready to talk about much more than that. Naturally I could tell it was about one in the afternoon and what's more this was the normal lunch time for the bunkers inhabitants it seemed. I could smell the most amazing smell once again coming from the kitchen and this time I wanted to go find the smell instead of waiting for it to come to me. I knew immediately the smell was burgers because well my nose is just that good and they seemed to be a favorite of the elder Dean who usually cooked since he was the best at it.

I got up looking around the small room I was in thankfully noticing a bathroom which I made my way over too. It had a full shower and I started to run a hot one immediately. I was nervous about leaving the room and I knew the water and the heat would calm me down and help me relax all of my still aching muscles. I took off the shirt I had on and step under the blissfully hot water and just let it wash all my worry away. The heat and water felt wonderful on my healing wings and they relaxed into the stream. Perfect water pressure. Finally I could smell that the burgers were done and stepped out of the shower. I let myself run my normal temperature which was extremely hot and was quickly dry. I usually made myself run a more human temperature because people could tell when others were hotter than normal and so assume something was wrong with me. I was simply just to use to acting human after living among them for so long to just stop now.

Sam had thoughtfully brought me clothes the other day when he brought me dinner saying that he figured I would want these eventually when I decided to get up. He had apologized about what he brought me, a pair of jeans and a nondescript t-shirt, saying he really didn't know what I would like but I had assured him it was fine. The shirt was too big but thankfully the jeans fit perfectly and I prepared myself to leave the room. Even having never been in, what seemed to be a bunker, before it wasn't that hard to find the kitchen. My nose led me as well as my ears. I could also feel the essence of both Sam's and someone elses souls. I knew it was not Sam's brother Dean soul because it did not feel right. I always recognized a soul and anyways it would be hard to forget the brightness of Dean's soul as well. Knowing he was the vessel of Michael and the so called righteous man it was only right that his soul be just as if not brighter than Sam's. His was also marred with darkness but not in the same way and less so than Sam's was as well. Regardless his and Sam's souls were some of the brightest I have ever seen.

I walked into the room to see Sam standing beside a much less shorter man. Well boy more correctly he looked around twentyish with dark hair and asian features. To anyone else that would have been all they could tell about this person yet I knew immediately something much more distinguishing about him. He was a prophet. Sam had told me about someone named Kevin living with them who was a prophet they had rescued/kidnapped a couple of years ago. He and Sam were both talking and did not notice my entrance until I startled them by saying "Hey guys."

"Abby! What are you doing up?" Sam asked me. "I could have just brought you food again."

"I know and thanks but I'm feeling much better and I figured it was about time I got out of bed." I smiled at Sam and turned to the prophet figuring I should introduce myself. "By the way it is an honor to meet you Kevin, I'm Abigalia."

"Umm hi..." Kevin murmured to me looking shocked that I knew his name.

"Sam told me a prophet named Kevin was staying with them and you're a prophet so I figured you were Kevin."

"How'd you know I was a prophet?"

"It's something any angel or higher power being can tell. Your soul gives off a different frequency than a normal human." Kevin and Sam both look fascinated with what I was saying and I don't know whether to be flattered or exasperated that they find me so interesting.

"Do all souls look differently or just prophets?" Kevin asks me with Sam quickly following him with a question of his own saying "And how much can you tell about a person by their soul?"

I roll my eyes at their eagerness to learn more about souls. I can immediately tell I could spend hours simply teaching them anything a I know and they would never get bored. I wouldn't either really since I love telling stories about my life and what I know. Heck I used to spend every third day in Heaven among the fledglings telling stories about what Earth was like. I sit down at the counter near where the burgers are currently waiting to be eaten. I figured the only reason Sam or Kevin hadn't already grabbed one was because Dean told them to wait till he got back. I knew Dean was in Castiel's room because I could hear Dean arguing with Castiel from where I was. I wasn't trying to pay attention to their conversation though since I didn't want to eavesdrop but still I could pinpoint where they were. I was a little nervous about seeing Castiel again after kicking him out of my room the other day but I hoped he understood that I needed my space for the time being and that he was ok. Either way I was about to find out because I could hear them walking down the hall now toward the kitchen. I pretend to be focused on Kevin and Sam though and answer their question saying "Every human soul is different although some are extremely similar to one another and only someone who really looks for a difference can see them. Human souls vary based on who that person is and the soul does play a major part in who they are. Souls are the very essence of who a person is, it's their deepest heart but like everything thing else it can change over time. Babies or children are usually born with extremely similar and pure souls that are molded over time based on who they are truly or the circumstances they grow up in. Souls are also such a spiritual thing that the more spiritual a person is the purer their souls will be."

Just as Kevin begins to ask me "What do you mean spiritual, like God-fearing or like karma?" Dean and Castiel walk into the room. I feel Castiel panic and freeze at the doorway and know my rejection of him earlier hurt him a lot more than I had hoped even with my assurance to him that I had already forgiven him. I hear Dean mumble something about I finally leaving my room as I turn to try to catch Castiel's eyes. He looks like a deer in headlights unsure of what to do. "_Castiel."_

Castiel flinches as I speak to him over our minds and get a blast of his feeling before he shuts me out. I am briefly overwhelmed by his self-hatred and feeling of unworthiness before I once again try to talk to him. "_Oh Castiel." _I get up and make my way over to him feeling Dean's eyes on me the entire time. He does not look happy about seeing me and I know it's because I have hurt Castiel. He starts to say something to me but I hear Sam cut him off, whispering to him "Dean just wait a minute."

I stand in front of Castiel and try to catch his eye as he has now refused to look at me. _"Castiel listen to me. I have forgiven you, I had already forgiven you before you had already left my room the other day. All I needed was time to grieve and I am sorry that I couldn't have you apart of that. Castiel I know you blame yourself and well honestly kind of rightly so but all and all it wasn't your fault. Castiel it wasn't your fault and I don't blame you. Castiel you were just trying to do what was right and things did not go as planned. Castiel I am still mad and sad about our brothers and sisters deaths but not at you. Castiel if anything I am proud of you."_ Castiel head jolts up to look at me as he hears those words. _"Yes Castiel proud of you. I'm not condoning the killing of our siblings but what you did before any of this. I am proud of you for following your heart, for defying Michael and Lucifer and doing what you thought was right. I am proud of you for fighting for what you believe and not just following orders. I'm proud of you for trying to give our siblings a second chance and a better existence even if it did have disastrous consequences. I'm proud of you for being the Castiel I knew so long ago, the one who could never really do what he was told but always had to have a reason and it had to be a worthy reason." _Castiel finally gives me a half smile and I know that even though he is still hurting and feels ashamed he is better.

"I'm sorry for everything and thank you for a second chance and believing in me." Castiel tells me out loud.

"It's alright and always. You are family Castiel and besides you were always one of my favorites." I tell him with a wink.

"So are you both good?" Sam asks us.

I look at Castiel and then back at Sam. "Yeah we're both good. And besides even if it wasn't it's nothing some amazing burgers couldn't fix" I smirk at Dean and say this. I can still feel the hostility washing off of him and I know I will have a long road ahead of me in convincing this Winchester that I really do care about Castiel and that everything's fine. But even if there is it's kind of refreshing to know someone cares about Castiel so much to be hostile to someone who has hurt him.

"Alright then." Sam says smiling at me. "Lets eat then."

We all grab so burgers and just as I'm about to take a bite out of mine Kevin again asks me "So what do you mean by spiritual?" Yep definitely exasperated.


	11. Chapter 11

Holy crap my life is busy but I love this story so much and you wonder people that I am staying up late to finish this in-cred-ibly lonnnggg chapter... Honestly I think it's the longest one I've done but I really enjoyed writing it... I'm getting to explain more about my character Abigalia and push the story along to the place I want it to be... I honestly can't wait to start on the next chapter and see how the character's surprise me... I hope ya'll enjoy it and please please please review, comment, something... With much love!

Disclaimer: I own none of the Supernatural characters but am totally willing to sell them Abigalia ;)

Abby was right , my burgers could fix anything and they honestly did. Since we were all too busy stuffing our face there was little conversation besides Kevin asking Abby some question about souls or something. I wasn't really paying attention, to busy watching to make sure Cas was alright. He seemed fine while we were eating, better actually. I have no idea what happened either. One minute Cas looked like he'd seen a ghost and the next Abigalia is walking over to him and he's smiling down at her. Like did I miss something or what. I was all-ready to lay into her for how she treated Cas until Sam stopped me and she told us they were good. I knew I needed a minute to process everything so even though it wasn't my night to do the dishes I volunteered to anyways. The repetitiveness of the task and simply being alone would give me time to decide how I felt about the whole them being "good" thing. I mean I was happy Cas was fine again but seriously what had happened and more importantly could we trust this girl. I trusted her just enough since Cas trusted her but how she treated him and everything it was messing with how much trust I should really give her. With all these thoughts tumbling around in my head who should walk through the door than the one person I was thinking about and really didn't want to see at the moment. She walks over to the sink wear I am clean and begins to dry the dishes I was placing down without saying a word. I waited for her to make the first move before I just couldn't take the silence anymore. "Can I help you with something."

"Just figured I should help out since you did make dinner tonight and shouldn't have to do that and the dishes all by yourself." Abby says all the while still drying the damp dishes.

"Well thanks but I volunteered anyways and you really don't have to." I say back to her hoping she'll get the picture and leave. She just shrugs and continues to dry the dishes. It was actually really starting to piss me off. "Listen if you have something to say say it." I finally spit out putting down the dish I had began washing.

"I'm not the one who has something they need to get off their chest it seems." She spits right back at me and she's right there was some things I wanted to say to her. "Alright how bout what the hell happened in there before dinner. One second Cas is still hurt over what You said to him and the next everything is fine."

"We spoke and I apologized for being so hard on him and once again stressed that I had already forgiven him and that we were still family."

I looked blankly over at her because I definitely did not hear a conversation take place between them before we had started eating. "What do you mean you spoke?"

"I guess I should explain that we spoke telepathically. All angels can basically by using some of their grace. I am actually a extremely strong telepath simply being what I am and so thats how we talked. To talk telepathically is to signify a feeling of bondness and family since its a much more intimate way of speaking. Most of the time when I'm among angels thats all we do speak. I was speaking to Cas that way to show him that I did care for him and that I still considered him family."

Oh well that explained the sudden change in mood and all for Cas. They had their own private conversation which cleared everything up. I'm not really sure how I feel about that either. The fact she's a telepath once again brings into question how much I can trust her. I don't want her looking in mine or any of ours heads. I still wasn't crazy about it whenever Cas read my mind.

"I would not read yours or anyone elses mind without permission Dean." Abigalia says

interrupting me from my thoughts.

"Then how did you..."

"I didn't read your mind, just felt how your emotions were going and also just made a logical guess that's where your mind would go after hearing about me being a telepath and before you ask yes I can feel emotions and no it's not something I can really control. I just pick up on a generally feeling of what people are, well feeling unless its an abnormally powerful emotion which can be overwhelming. It's an inlaid defense mechanism for me that allows me to be prepared if people are feeling hatred or anger towards me. It's also why I can always tell when someone is lying to me unless their unusually good at lying." Abigalia said.

"So you're always going to be able to tell if I'm pissed or happy or..."  
"It's a bit more complicated than that. It's more like I will always be able to sense your presence and your general feeling at a moment. It's because of what I am. Your emotions affect your chemicals which affect the universe around you and since I am in direct contact with the universe I get live feed. Sometimes when the emotions are incredibly strong I can be overwhelmed by them and they can directly affect my own emotions. But to how I knew what you were thinking without reading your mind, like I said deductive reasoning and a feeling of mistrust coming off of you." She replied

I wasn't really sure I felt about her being able to tell how I was feeling, to me that was just another form of mind reading but if she really couldn't control it then what the hell was I suppose to do. It seems my decision to trust this girl kept biting me in the ass.

"I wanted to say thank you by the way." Abigalia says to me. "For letting me in, for saving me, for the food, the shelter and above all being there for Castiel and I don't mean just this time. For all the times. I can tell Castiel means a lot to you, to all of you and I can never repay you for the kindnesses you have shown him. Castiel was always...different than other angels. He had too much heart and thought too much for his own good. Or at least that what they said. I blame myself somewhat for that. I always, guess you could say, gravitated to the different angels in Heaven and always took them under my wing and instead of discouraging their differences I encouraged them. I felt that they shouldn't have to hide who they were and that they didn't only have to be soldiers. That wasn't really supported thinking in Heaven but being who I was and who my friends were I could get away with it I suppose. I also think the reason I didn't really meet any resistance in encouraging Castiel and the others to be different was because they were still young when I was with and they must have figured they had time to "reset" them to their factory settings." She says all this with a sneer and I can tell it bothers her.

"Is that what happened?"

"I assume so. I honestly have no idea. I left Heaven while Castiel and the others were still young. I found Castiel years later while he was the leader of a garrison and immediately knew they did something to that extent because he wasn't the Castiel I used to know. He was much harder and followed orders easily. I stayed with him and his garrison for a while before moving on. We connect again and he was a bit like the Castiel I used to know after a while but I left again. I had to this time because I feared I would be a distraction from his upcoming mission."  
"What mission?"  
"You of course. Michael had ordered that you were to be saved from Hell and Castiel volunteered. I still have no idea why but when he came to tell me I knew I could not stay around. He was ordered to be your guardian for a while after pulling you from Hell and I knew that me being around would only be a distraction. So I left. I also hoped that if Castiel was around a human for such a long period of time he would go back to his old self as well because of everything the Castiel I knew before leaving Heaven loved humans above all else. Above his family, above orders and definitely above himself Castiel love humanity. If there were more angels like him maybe the world wouldn't be the mess it is today."  
She finished drying the last dish and I thought about her words while putting them up. It made sense Cas was always a little different. I doubted someone became a major nerd angel overnight. And never was quite as douchey as the other angels. "What about Cas now?" I asked "Is he like how he was in Heaven?"

She smile at me with this question and answered saying "Yes he is. Castiel showed me everything that he has done and basically what has happened in the last five years and seeing all that who he is now is the closest he has every been to the young angel I knew in Heaven. It's all because of you by the way. You gave Castiel a reason to be himself again. I don't mean all the things he's done is your fault just that you finally freed him to be who he always was."

"I don't really know how to respond to that. Cas has always been just Cas. Anyways why did you leave Heaven in the first place and let Cas become not himself."

She stared at me for a moment before looking away and finally saying "I left because I couldn't stand it anymore. What Heaven had become. Lucifer had fallen, Father disappeared and Michael lost his true purpose of loving humanity. The angels were constantly fighting over whether Lucifer was right or not, some falling from grace with their disobedience and defiance. That's all Heaven became was disagreements and fighting. Everyone lost their way and it all became about position. I tried to stay as long as I could, we both did, we tried to watch over our group of misfit angels and to stop the fighting but it never was enough and one day he couldn't take it anymore and neither could I. So we left."

"Wait hold on a second. Who are you talking about? Who did you leave with?"

"My favorite angel in Heaven and my once lover before we decided to separate, the archangel Gabriel."

"You were the archangel Gabriel's lover. The fucking tricksters lover."

"He took on the persona of Loki in order to hide from Heaven. I never really took on any persona but the mortals sometimes confused me with Sigyn. She was after me and Gabriel had separated though and thats a whole nother issue I would not like to get into. Even though we were no longer together me and Gabriel are still amazingly close. He's my best friend. After we separated I explored the world and he stayed with the Norse for a while then also went around making mischief. He was always like that, stirring up trouble one way or another. We talked all the time still and still had a few rendezvoused," She says this with a wink my way "but you no nothing serious. We were still always there for each other though when we really needed the other, whether it be homesickness for Heaven or something else." She stopped talking abruptly and just stared into space. I was actually getting a little worried until she finally started again saying "Or at least I thought we were but five years and he never came for me. Five years and nothing because I know if he was looking for me he could have found me because once upon a time nothing would have stopped him from trying to find me. Nothing would have stopped me from trying to find him if he just disappeared and I thought that was the same. I thought he loved me and all I keep thinking ever since waking up and knowing he wasn't the one to save me is what happened. What happened to us that he no longer cared. The last time I talked to him everything was fine, we were fine. I just don't understand."

She looks at me after saying this and I realize she doesn't know. Of everything Cas showed her he didn't show her this because he wasn't really there for it. That or he just didn't know how to tell her because he knew of their relationship. But I knew, I knew why Gabriel never went looking for her, because he couldn't, because he died trying to save us. And as I looked at her I had no idea how to tell her that. As this all went through my head her face went from sadness to confusion and I realize she could probably feel the pity rolling off of me and didn't understand it. Yeah maybe I didn't like her or Gabriel for that matter but from what she was saying they were close, they were family and I knew how much it hurt to lose family and I just didn't know how to tell her or even if I should. Telling her her best friend is dead isn't really something I feel able to handle but I never got the chance to actually figure out to tell her when she turns to the door and I hear her say "Cas?"

"I didn't know how to tell you." Cas says from the doorway. Seems he had been standing there for a while and had heard our conversation. "Abigalia I am so sorry, with everything else I just didn't know how to tell you this as well."

"Castiel, tell me what?" Abigalia asks and I feel a surge of pity for Cas as well because I know how hard this is going to be for him as well.

"Abigalia...Gabriel he's...he's dead. He died attempting to stop Lucifer after he escaped from the cage."

Abigalia just stands there for a second staring at Cas and I can tell she's having a hard time processing what he said. Like she didn't want to believe it. And then all of a sudden she slumps to the floor and I barely catch her in time. Cas races over to my side and takes her into his arms. For a second we just stare at each other unsure about what just happened, was she that overwhelmed by the news. And then all hell breaks loose.


	12. Chapter 12

Holy crap... It's been forever since my last post but I just haven't had time... With how my lifes been lately I can not promise consistent posts for a while only that every chance I get I will write and post for ya'll... I hope ya'll are loving this story because even though it's been a struggle to write I still love it and need to continue its only just gonna take me a while... This chapter is a little different than the others and I hope it doesn't confuse ya'll too much I just felt that it was needed here at this point in the story... It's a sort of flashback thingy but maybe ya'll will get where I was going with putting it here in the story... Anyways enough babbling, I hope ya'll enjoy it and the rest of the story and please please write a review/comment... Love!

Disclaimer: I own none of the Supernatural characters...

"_Watch over her as if she was one of you." God told the four young archangels then disappeared once again from their presence. _

_ "Look after her? What is she? Is she one of His new creations?" asked Raphael the youngest_

_ "She both feels like one of His creations and not. She is a mystery." said Michael the eldest._

_ "Why should be watch over her. She's obviously not one of us. Look she doesn't even have any wings, obviously a lesser being and beneath us." said Lucifer the second._

_ "We watch over her because Father commanded us." said Michael threatening to Lucifer, reminding him of his place._

_ The girl said nothing but simply stared at the four eldest angels._

_ "Who cares why she's here, she's new and in my opinion new is fun. At least she's a break from having to look at your ugly mug all day Lucy." said Gabriel the middle with a smile and a wink at his elder brother._

_ "Watch your tongue Gabriel. Besides it doesn't matter anyways, she doesn't have wings, she can't follow us obviously making her lesser." said Lucifer with a sneer. "Father probably left her here with us to remind us that we are better."_

_ The girl glares at Lucifer, unhappy with the insult._

_ "I think you hurt her feelings Lucy." said Gabriel _

_ "Who cares, come on Michael let us show this girl why we are better." said Lucifer unfurling his glorious wings and giving truth to his name Morningstar._

_ "Very well brother but we must keep her in sight, Father commanded us to watch her and we must obey." said Michael who also unfurled his wings showing off his also glorious light. _

_ Raphael follows the others lead and all three take flight leaving the girl and their brother Gabriel behind._

_ "Well girl I guess its just you and me but they are right you can't exactly hang with us if you don't have wings. But I think maybe Father left you with us for a better reason than to inflate our egos so how bout proving Lucy wrong about how much lesser you are because I'm pretty sure you have the power to have whatever you want am I right?" asked Gabriel to the girl._

_ The girl smiles up Gabriel and begins to shine. The other archangels all gather to see her power as she gains a pair of wings that were just as beautiful if not more so than their own. The color of fire they glowed and pulsed the same way fire does. _

_ Gabriel smiles down a the girl as the other archangels gaped at her laughing when she smiles back._

_ "You are one of a kind aren't you. Probably more special than all of us put together." said Gabriel causing Lucifer to sneer._

_ The girl simply smiles back at him._

_ "Ok now that it's official you can tag along we should probably know your name. So what is it girl?" asked Gabriel_

_ The girl's smile fell and she stared confused at Gabriel._

_ "Ok well if you don't have a name that means we'll just have to give you one." said Gabriel with a mischievous grin. He already had a million slightly punny/insulting names to give the girl simply because that was who he was. _

_ Before Gabriel or any of the other archangels could speak a name a voice yelled thru the Heavens "Her name is Abigalia and she is my joy."_

_ The girl now named Abigalia smiled and laughed at the sound of the voice lifting her wings in joy. All the other archangels also smiled in joy at the sound of the voice and together they all took flight. Abigalia tried and failed to follow but Gabriel the Herald, the trickster angel grabbed her hand and helped her to fly saying "I think I like you kid, you get Dad to talk to us, sort of and you piss Lucy off. Me and you, we're gonna get along just fine._

_ Abigalia smiles as Gabriel winks at her and with his help learns to fly, joining the other archangels and her new brothers in the skies of Heaven. _


	13. Chapter 13

I love this chapter but it is weird... Just a warning... XD Also I'm going to describe some things about Abigalia in the next couple sentences so if you're not interest skip to the end of paragraph... So anyways Abigalia's a difficult character even though she's my character... Maybe that's why she's so difficult because unlike the others in this story she's all my own and I created her and so she's more alive to me than the others... I can get deeper into who she is and how she thinks than the others...Like explained in the story earlier she's a cosmic being which to me mean her minds works differently than ours... Her's is a bit of a mixed up and jumbled place at all times because she can be thinking a thousand things at once but really only be concentrating on one thing... All those other thoughts are just background noise and she never focuses on them so they can't distract or confuse her... She's always in control of all her thoughts and stuff because she has to be... I mean if you have the power of the universe at your fingertips you'd want to be kind of in control at all times... This chapter is weird in that I am trying to show what happens when her head becomes jumbled and stuff... The timeline on this chapter is immediately after chapter 11 but moves on after that and is also a bit jumbled... This chapters really not suppose to be clear but I hope ya'll like it anyways... I promise after this chapter I'll be going back to my normal stuff... End speech... So hope you enjoy and please please review/comment... Lots of LOVE!

Disclaimer:I own none of the Supernatural characters(Abigalia's all mine however mwahaha XD)

Chapter 13

Gabriel's dead...

Castiel's words make no sense in my ears much less my head or heart. Gabriel couldn't be dead. Not Gabriel, not Gabriel. Castiel had to be wrong, he had to be wrong.

"_It would make sense though."_ a part of my whispers. _"Why he never came for me, why I can't sense him now._"

NO! It couldn't be true because if it was true I couldn't deal with it. It was just too much. Did I really escape one hell to only end up in a much worse one? Did the universe, did HE just hate me so much that I would be forced to have so much heartbreak in my life. Tortured for five years yet nothing hurt as bad as the words Castiel just said to me.

Suddenly it was all too much and I felt myself start to collapse on myself. I was holding it all in, just as I had been for the past week, no the past five years. Holding in the pain, the sorrow, the anger. Holding it all in to keep everyone safe because me losing control was never a good thing. I had the power of the universe at my fingertips and my emotions controlled how they were used. If I didn't hold it all in there would be freak weather storms and worse. So I held it all in. Everything. But now... it was killing me, holding this all in. Gabriel couldn't be dead, but he was and I want, no need everyone, everything to feel how I feel. To feel my anger, my sorrow because I can't hold it all in. Gabriel is...was my everything and now this.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't hold it in. I had no idea what was happening outside of my head. I could have hit the floor when I collapsed and I wouldn't know or care right now. I could have only been out for a second or for another week or for a year and I wouldn't know or once again care. Nothing else matter except that Gabriel couldn't be dead, but that he was. Because I knew Castiel wasn't lying to me. I could see it in his eyes. Hear it in his voice. Feel it in what he was feeling and also what Dean was feeling. He knew to. They both knew with certainty that Gabriel was gone. That he was dead. But they had to be wrong because he couldn't be dead. But he was.

It was the only thing that made sense but it also doesn't make any sense at all. Nothing makes sense. My head is exploding, imploding. Nothing is right anymore. I have to hold it all in, but I need to let it all out. Thoughts are getting jumbled as my power struggles against me, my emotions are winning over my will. I have emotions. I can feel and I always let myself. But I always hold the worst back, keep the most volatile emotions locked up. Keep my powers in check to keep everything right. I was the universe, I had the power of the universe and my emotions steered how those powers were used. If I lost control it was dangerous. But I couldn't hold it in anymore. Nothing was making sense anymore.

Gabriel...

How long have I been in my head. The grief is overwhelming.

Gabriel...

He taught me everything I know. How to use my powers, how to not use my powers (more often than not the later one was his usual lessons.)

Gabriel...

I couldn't let myself lose control. Did I already think that. Why am I talking to myself. What's happening?

Gabriel...

Everythings going black but I'm still here. The emotions are winning. They're going to be in control and my powers won't be in check.

Gabriel...

People could get hurt. Cas could get hurt. But it all hurts too much. Everythings wrong.

Gabriel...

The emotions are in control. My powers are in control. I know this because I feel them out there, beyond my head which is so dark but I can't hold onto them anymore. The grief is to much. Besides I want everyone to know how I feel.

Gabriel...

To hurt how I hurt. Because even though its all in my head its physical. Its a broken arm, a concussion, a sprained wrist, a broken jaw, a loss of breath, a broken rib... Its pain and nothing else. Its darkness. My head is.

Gabriel...

I'm lost. I need to get back in control. I could be hurting people, I need to control myself. I need to grieve. But not like this. What's happening outside my head.

Gabriel...

He's my only thoughts. He's all of my pain. What were his last thoughts? What was his pain? He can't be dead but he is.

Gabriel...

I've lost control and I need to find it again. I need to find myself again. But theres so much pain, grief, anger. How can I take back control and do I even want to. Do I want to face that world again.

Gabriel...

It's all too much. Nothing makes sense anymore. I'm repeating myself. He can't be dead but he is... He can't be dead, but he is... He can't be dead, but he is...

I have to find control again.


	14. Chapter 14

So before I say anything else I would like to sincerely thank TheOneThatsQuiet for the amazing reviews and just inspiring me to write again... I love this story and didn't want to stop writing but a lot of stuff happened in my life to kind of make me stop and that on top of that I was getting no reviews or comments for the story which made me not want to continue... No author want's to write a story no ones reading... So for all those who like this story seriously thank TheOneThatsQuiet for inspiring me to continue... Just thank you for showing me someone is actually reading this and thank you for your amazing comments and review... And trust me I love the critique you gave me and hopefully this chapters a little better thanks to it... You were not overstepping your boundaries at all and I welcome any more criticism or help you want to give... As for everything else don't worry about Abigalia everything (and yes maybe even your hopes ;) ) will work out and if you still have questions about her feel free to ask and I will try to answer... I'm so thankful you are enjoying her... Just seriously thank you... and I hope you enjoy this chapter and I promise I will try to be more consistent with the updating, especially since I now know someone's actually reading my story (AHHHH)... Anyways just thanks and love to you and just all my readers! Ya'll are the reason I write... Once again enjoy and please review/comment! =)

Disclaimer: I own none of the Supernatural characters but that's ok right now since I now know my own character rocks lol...

Chapter 14

One moment I was staring at Dean across Abigalia's body, once again worried that she wasn't healed enough and that I should have done more, and the next a blast of energy had me soaring across the room. I barely managed to grab Dean and position him in front of me before we both went crashing into the wall across the room. Instinctively, though Dean could not see them, my wings wrapped around him protecting him from the force of the blast. I grunted in both pain and surprise from the pain the wracked my head and back from crashing so hard into the wall. I kept forgetting how much weaker I was without my original grace. That fact and also considering the energy came from Abigalia meant I had possibly done some serious damage crashing in the wall like I did.

"Cas?" I hear Dean called out questioningly. I was beginning to slide down the wall from the pain and my vision is going slightly black. I feel something trickling down my neck and the pain was incredibly. _"Am I bleeding?" _I think to myself hardly believing it was true. The last time I was in this much pain or bleeding was each time I was more human than angel.

"Cas are you alright?!" Dean yells at me causing my head to ring. He was having to yell over the force of the energy pulsing around us. Although Abigalia's powers were mainly invisible to the naked eye the force they were causing was anything but invisible or soundless. The room was whirling like a tornado was happening inside and it sounds much the same. The only reason Dean and I were ok was the protection of my diminished grace which is fading fast. We needed to not only get out of the room we were in but really the entire bunker. I know that if we got outside we would be mostly protected from the brunt of Abigalia's powers. The bunker not only kept the Supernatural out but also in.

I push myself up from the wall, willing myself to work against the pain and the

blackness. I feel Dean still holding on to me which I was thankful for because I doubt I would have been able to stand on my own and it would also make it easier to shelter him from the chaos around us the closer he is.

"Cas speak to me man!" Dean yells at me and I finally responded to his pleas saying "We have to get out of here."

"What the hell's happening?" Dean questions me.

"It doesn't matter right now. I will explain later, right now our only concern is escaping

the bunker."

"I'm not leaving Sammy or the others."

"I was not suggesting we did Dean, only that we find them quickly and get out of here."

By this point we were struggling to make it across the room and both of us were having to shout over the noise of the chaos around us. Various kitchen objects were flying above us and I could barely see Abigalia through it all. Normally her powers were invisible but right now with how much she was letting go there was a slight glow around where she was. It looks as if she was engulfed in fire or a reddish grace. I am terrified of what was happening to her but I couldn't focus on saving her right now, only on saving the others.

We finally escape to the hallway which was just as chaotic as the kitchen and which meant Abigalia's powers are spreading quicker than I had thought or hoped. We have less time than we need to escape and I am beginning to worry. I am struggling to stay conscious and Dean is struggling to help me stand and fight against the energy bombarding us both. We need to find the others quickly.

I begin to curse my stolen grace and the loss of my own. If I was at full strength I could have simply flown Dean out of the bunker and came back for the others. I could have helped Abigalia better and none of this could have even happened.

We stumble into a wall and Dean's grip on me slips and I realize I am failing him. I wasn't saving him, he was saving me. The one goal I had devoted my life to since raising Dean from Hell was to protect him and I was failing him. As this realization slips through my mind, my vision once again goes black and I begin falling to the ground.

"Cas! Come on man, I need you to just hold on a little longer. We just have to find the others then we'll get out of here. Come on Cas. I need you man. Just a little longer." I hear Dean begin repeating these things to me and I knew I can not let him down. Dean needs me to be strong. He needs me to find the others and get us out of here. Once again I push everything away and using all the grace I wasn't devoting to shielding us, I push to locate Sam and Kevin. Thankfully they were together and both in the library.

"Dean the library. They're in the library." I manage to say to him before I felt myself slump against him even more. The library was on the other side of the bunker and I shudder to think how we would both get there. I begin to consider the possibility of Dean leaving me behind so he could get to them quicker but I knew that without my grace shielding him Dean would feel Abigalia's powers much more directly and they would tear at him completely. So even though I was slowing him down I was at least protecting him in some way.

"We can make it Cas. Come on just a little father. Come on buddy, we can make it." Dean began repeating his new mantra to me as we struggle down the hallway. The bunker was being destroyed and I know that even if we made it to the library there was no chance all of us could make it to the door safely.

It seems to take forever but finally we reached the library. Thankfully since it was farther away from the kitchen, Abigalia's powers weren't affecting the area as badly as the area's leading up to it.

"Dean what the hells going on?" Sam calls out to him. I could barely understand what he was saying or what Kevin asked after him. Abigalia's power was speeding toward us and I knew we only had so much time before this place became just as chaotic and dangerous as the kitchen is. Dean began saying something as I notice that my shirt was soaked with blood from the wound on my head. Thankfully Dean had not yet noticed how bad it was or I knew he would immediately reject my idea for getting us out of the bunker. I knew I would not make it but saving Dean was more important, he was always more important than my own life.

I see Crowley across the room looking at me inquiringly. I knew the only reason he hadn't already abandoned the bunker is the wards were keeping him trapped in. The only way he was getting out was if Dean or Sam released him. I also knew he could sense the amount of damage I had done to me and that I wasn't going to last much longer. I was expecting him to smirk and be pleased by my current state and the fact that any minute now he would finally be free. Because although neither Sam nor Dean really trusted him, they would not condemn him to die in the bunker if they escaped. I was not expecting a look of concern to pass his features and for him to say to Dean "I understand neither of you trust me but I doubt Cassie here can fly all of us out of the bunker in the condition he's in. So how bout I take one of you boys and Cas get's the others. For the only way any of us is getting out of this bunker is the teleporting way."

"What are you talking about? What's wrong with Cas?" I hear Kevin ask.

"Nothing Kevin." I mumble just as Dean says "He got slammed into the wall when Abigalia lost it."  
I try to muster up the energy to glare at Dean but just couldn't and knew that every second we wasted standing here talking was another second Abigalia's power spread closer to us.

"What do you mean lost it Dean? Seriously what's going on?" Sam asks, which meant Dean really didn't explain anything to him when he asked the first time.

"It doesn't matter right now. We must get out of here." I hear myself saying as I struggled to stand up by myself. Dean however wasn't letting me go and although I was appearing to be strong I honestly didn't think I could had stood alone anyways.

"We'll then boys what will it be. You gonna trust me?" Crowley says.

I see Dean and Sam both glance at each other and have one of their telepathic moments

and come to a decision. "Fine Crowley Sam's going with you but if you try anything I swear you'll wish we had left you down here. Meet us at the hotel in the nearest town." Dean says while Sam goes to stand beside Crowley with a grimace.

Crowley smirks while saying "Don't worry Squirrel, Moose will be fine. See you on the other side." and then both him and Sam vanish.

Dean glances down at me and his eyes widen. Which meant he's just now noticing how bad off I really am. But before he could make any protests I grab him and Kevin and fly us all out of the bunker.

We arrive only a mile away from the bunker before I can not go any farther. I barely hear Dean begin to ask me what was going on before I begin to black out. I collapse on the ground as I hear Dean calling my name.

_ "Maybe I'm dying."_ I think to myself as the blackness starts to overwhelm all else, even the pain. My last thought before everything fades is simply the man I fell for and who I would give everything for a thousand times. Dean.


End file.
