Naruto 1. Chapter 1

Hello Readers,

I will start off by saying that I started this story a long time ago and had issues trying to decided on the main characters. I had to take time to sit down and revamp it a bit so, no, this is not the first time I posted this story. However, I did modify a few things and now I feel that I am ready to write it. This story is partly autobiographical. Of course, some artistic licenses were taken in making characters fit situations and or changing information to make it a more interesting read, but I tried to match them as well to their real life counterparts as possible. I love Naruto fanfics and I love SasuNaru even more and I thought this would translate well to a story about them. I was in a dark place at this time in my life and I made many mistakes. I am finding it very CATHARTIC (hence the title) to just sit down and type things. It helps me get perspective. So I will not specify what is real and what isn't, that's not the point. So if you have any suggestions on how I can make it a better story feel free to express it. HOWEVER. One thing I hate is when readers tell me "I don't agree with what this character said or how they did it" or my favorite "I don't think this character would have done this". I COULDN'T CARE LESS. If you want a different type of story the go find one, or better yet write your own. And if you want character authenticity then stick to the anime. Constructive criticism is welcome since I cannot become a better writer without it. That being said I hope you enjoy my story and I will try to update when I can.

Sincerely,

Goldragon08

Cathersis

The night was quiet as he sat there letting MTV slowly liquefy his brain. The old, worn, tan leather sofa cradled his sore back as his arms and legs sprawled haphazardly in the ultimate pose of lethargy. But he was waiting. Contrary to what his comfortable pose would suggest there was always a part of him that remained alert and tense in anticipation. It was always just a matter of time before…

"Naruto!"

Blue eyes fluttered closed in resignation as the nasally screechy voice shot through the intercom. He glared heatedly at the annoying electric black box before hefting his six foot, 230 pound frame off the couch. He half hurried down the hall passing an old, honey colored wooden dinette on his left and a living room colored in pinks and whites on his right. He peeked into the small guest bedroom checking and making sure his elderly ward was breathing. Seeing the gentle rise and fall of the old man's chest he tiptoed by and proceeded to walk into the master bedroom.

There laid on her back in all her elderly glory was his client; Mrs. Kurenai. 83. Polio, spinal cancer survivor and M.S. victim. Her withered right hand, the result of a stroke suffered years ago, shook its chicken wing-like form as if it had a mind of its own. Her, limp salt and pepper hair dangled thin and lifeless by her ears doing nothing to hide the brown eyes shining in the t.v. lit room. Naruto pasted a fake smile on that nearly cracked his face.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked conversationally. The grey, wrinkled face lifted and softened into a smile. Yellowed teeth with enamel worn to the pulp made Naruto shiver at the sight.

"Yeah you have to get me ready for bed."

Naruto's smile nearly faultered. Mrs. Kurenai always had a way of making a simple request sound like an order and Naruto never did take it kindly to being bossed around. He caught his dropping smile and pinned it back up before she could notice the mood transition.

"Ok no problem." He turned around and marched into the adjoining en suite bathroom dutifully grabbing what he needed. Adult diaper, adult diaper pad, A&amp;D ointment, baby powder, baby wipes, toilet paper. He placed the items at the foot of the bed where he could reach them conveniently before returning to the bathroom and getting the most important item… latex gloves. He cursed under his breath as the cheap material broke with a loud SNAP as he slipped one on.

"What happened?" Mrs. Kurenai demanded from the bed.

"Nothing."

He returned to the bedside and pulled the bedclothes off her squat, petite form. Smiling complacently as she spoke about matters he could care less about ranging from the sad points of the evening news to the shortcomings of his coworkers. He pulled the sticky tabs off her diaper anticipating the damage by the telltale smell of rotten eggs. He pulled back the material revealing the pepper sprinkle of coarse hair surrounding a cleft full of pudding-like shit. His smile quivered in an attempt to keep from frowning.

"Is it dirty?" she asked over her shoulder.

He simply made and unintelligible grunt and rolled her on her side. He found that working from the back to the front minimized work and mess. With a skill honed from nine sad years of experience, he lifted the top ass cheek with his left hand while wiping at the filled crack with the right. The toilet paper neatly folded in his grasp soiling quickly with each swipe. He tossed the dirty material into the waste basket and grabbed more, repeating the process until most of the shit was gone. He then grabbed a few baby wipes and dabbed at her loose, gaping anus until she was squeaky clean. He rubbed a generous portion of ointment along the crevice and the ass cheeks to keep that damnedable rash from returning and making sure to slather a good amount around a developing bed sore. He tucked a fresh diaper under her hip making sure the sticky tab was shoved under far enough to be reached from the other side. He sprinkled a bit of baby powder on the diaper and couldn't help but think how stupid the action was since old people stank no matter what the fuck you put on them. It was a scent that he had be paid to breathe since he graduated from high school. He rolled her onto her back and used his thumb and forefinger to spread her labia, frowning almost imperceptivity.

"It's gotten inside of you." he stated lacklusterly. He grabbed another baby wipe and draped it around the tips of his fingers before cleaning around her clitoris and inside of her vagina and couldn't help but hate his life. The first vagina he had ever touched and she was nearly three times his age. A soft fart bubbled from her behind and escaped from the front, the rancid air hitting his wrist. He made no comment, but simply slathered the ointment around her womanhood and secured the diaper in a matter of seconds.

"I want to go on my side for a while."

"Ok." he agreed happy that he didn't have to voice the suggestion. With a life of sitting in a hover round chair and laying in a hospital bed, keeping bed sores at bay was a difficult task. Even after Naruto put her on her side she still would sneak and call her husband to pull the pillows away that Naruto stacked to prop her up. The frustration never ends.

He maneuvered around the hospital bed and walked over to the twin sized bed beside it where her husband used to sleep. After many nights of being woken up by Kurenai's dictating and the aids moving about he had deigned to sleep in the guest room. Naruto didn't blame him. He pulled the spare pillows from the bed and went back to Mrs. Kurenai's bed. He slowly turned her to her side again and propped her on her up using the pillows as leverage. He made sure to place one between her semi-paralyzed legs.

"How's that? Are you comfortable?"

"Yeah just… get me my purse."

Rolling his eyes in the darkness he began handing her the myriad of things she "absolutely needed" to sleep. The telephone, her purse, the remote control, the intercom (which took everything in his will reserves not to throw against the wall as hard as he could) a box of Kleenex, her grabber and her phone book. He felt free to relax the fake smile from his face since she was facing away and took pleasure in imagining holding one of those pillows down over her face until she could never call for him again. She coughed dryly as she fumbled with the Kleenex.

" (cough, cough) I'm choking. I need water."

Naruto had said time and time again that had she really been choking she wouldn't be able to tell him so. But rather than deal with the irritation of repeating himself, he simply grabbed her childlike sippy cup and held it out for her. She grabbed it without a thank you (not that he expected one) and wrapped her thin, barely there lips around the plastic straw drinking as greedily as an 83 year old woman can. She handed him back the cup with a whispered "yeah" of satisfaction and he curled his lip at the unidentifiable brown residue left on the straw before setting it on her portable, collapsible bedside table.

"Ok all set. Just call me when you need me." he said in a way that sounded like he truly meant it.

"Ok."

He walked back down the hall noting that the old man had closed his bedroom door for the night. He plopped back down onto the sofa and stared at the tv screen.

"Well, time for American Dad."

Even though he had seen every single episode ten times over, thanks to the awesomeness of Netflix, he could never get tired of the show. Mix in a little Family Guy and King of the Hill and he was in business. He grabbed his phone from his side and checked the time. Midnight. Still eight hours to go. Whoever thought giving any human being a twelve hour shift was okay needed to be repeatedly kicked in the nuts.

With steel toed work boots.

As he watched the hilarious antics of Roger the Alien he couldn't help but fall back into the same self criticizing funk that he rarely got a chance to escape. Here he was, 27 years old and bordering on 28 with a shit job as a maid/ass wiper, a college senior with a budding bachelors degree in art and art studio (although his drawing skills were nothing to brag on), no lover, and an inferiority complex to top it off. But the icing on the cake? Naruto was a virgin. Even though the part of him that had been spoon fed Christian ideals from the cradle thought it was beautiful and something to be proud of, the other side of him couldn't fathom how he could possibly be any more pathetic. He saw it as the only thing within him that was still good. The last remaining inch of purity. He hated the human race yet Christianity was comprised of love, forgiveness, self sacrifice and humility. As he would sit Sunday after Sunday listening to sermons that were made to simultaneously scold and encourage him telling of both the infinite mercies and infinite wrath of the God he served. It all sounded the same to him and that unappreciation in and of itself was a sin. His religious doubt was a sin. His desire to kill the old bat in the next room was a sin. His sexual outlet of porn and masturbation was a sin. To even look at someone and lust was a sin. Of course he was gay and that was a sin. All the cards were against him and he came to the conclusion that there was nothing that he could do about it. Of course the whole point of Christianity was to strive for the unattainable; to try to be perfect yet to keep the perspective that you will never be. He was in a constant state of confusion in that he was the salt of the earth and yet his good deeds were nothing more than filthy rags in the sight of God.

"Ugh…"

He was giving himself a headache so he decided to stop dwelling on it. It never got him anywhere anyway. Religious people would tell him to pray about it, none believers would call him and idiot, and those confused sons of bitches caught in the middle would tell him everything in the middle and beyond. This inability to find understanding never failed to remind Naruto just how utterly alone he was and how long he had felt this way. His dad was gone, his mom was losing her mind, he was stuck in a job he hated with people he hated even more, and his best friend was a gorgeous success. Ah, TenTen. The tall, statuesque, beauty with the runway body. 5'10 and a size 6 and style that matched her attitude. Her soft hair always bounced in the breeze while his own was naturally coarse and weirdly curly and an uncommon shade of bright blond. Whenever he was near her he felt hopelessly inferior and yet she was his best friend of 13+ years. He knew that jealousy was a low road and not worth the travel but he always wished for a bit of misfortune for her. He glanced down at his phone a read a text that just came in.

"My tummy hurts" it read. He mentally thanked TenTen for the personal update and didn't honor that with a reply. She had just managed to get her masters degree in psychology and was a social worker of sorts for children of needy families. A success that gave back to the community. Could she be more perfect? Did he mention that she was engaged to a preacher's son? God why can't a criminal cut her face or something? But hell she'd probably find a way to make that work too. Probably rock the whole bad girl with a battle scar thing.

Sigh

Naruto hated his life. He hated life in general. It wasn't fair. But then again no one ever promised that life would be fair. But there was something more that he hated than people and life.

He hated himself.

He was awkwardly built teetering on the brink of fat. It was no wonder why no one wanted him. So he usually just sucked it up, threw on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt and didn't often try. He was a failure. Everything he did usually ended in failure and he was tired. The only being he could think to blame other than himself was God who he told he hated at least every other week. The bible claimed that all things belong to God. That God does not directly cause us suffering but allows Satan to tempt us so that through our shortcomings so we may learn to depend on him. Kind of like a parent letting a wayward teen leave with nothing but the clothes on their backs and a dream, knowing that they will fuck up and come crawling back with a little less pride. Life was all a big staging area and God was enjoying the show. If Naruto could, he would wash his hands of the whole lot of it. He would be done with religion and live as… what? Exactly. As far as he knew there was no where else to go. He always believed that his religion was right. Some would think he was closed minded but to himself he was tenacious and firm in his belief and it was only apparent when someone second guessed it. Like a child ignoring a toy until another child decided to play with it. That was another one of Naruto's shortcomings. He was never one to back down and didn't know when to quit when it came to people being assholes. He would run his mouth all night as was evident by his trash talking to other trash talkers on youtube. The big mouth, pompus bastards! Who the fuck cared to debate if Twilight was better than Fright Night?

Anyway…

He knew all too well that he was fucked up as far as his mind and his life went and he couldn't see an immediate way to get out of it. All he knew was that he was too cowardly to slit his wrists or swallow pills and plus he couldn't face God in his current situation. It was a strange conundrum to want to die and yet to fear the other side. He was tired of the confusion.

BEEP! BEEP!

"Naruto? Naruto!"

SIGH.

_You there baby?"_

_"Yeah. I'm getn ready to leave work. Im surprised ur up lol."_

_"I couldn't sleep 2 good. Had to sleep on the sidewalk again."_

_"Baby u kno I h8 that. U make me worry."_

_"Don't worry baby I'll be alrite. Nobody messes with me."_

_"Ur always da tuff guy. U can't win every fight Koi."_

_"Well I have sum1 who cares about me now so im careful."_

_"awww ur awesome baby."_

_"my phone is dying. I wont be able to tex while. Hard to charge when u live outside."_

_"Im gonna miss u baby. I love u :,-("_

_"I will miss u 2 baby. Love u."_

Disheartened, Naruto placed his phone carefully in his pocket. Mrs. Kurenai was freshly changed and the morning shift would be there any minute. He took a quick glance at the clock. Five after eight. By right he could leave now, but his sense of responsibility always got the best of him. He couldn't bring himself to leave the old lady unattended no matter how much he hated her. And boy did he HATE her. His ward's phone rang in a telltale signaling someone buzzing at the front door. He heard Mrs. Kurenai fumble with her phone which always had to be placed at her side. Naruto wrapped his scarf securely around his neck and donned his cotton black coat wincing at the fact that it was covered in lint. He could never seem to keep it as immaculate as he wanted.

"Hey Naruto!" Alice greeted warmly as he walked through the door. She was every bit of five feet tall and not an inch taller but she was strong as an ox in both mind and spirit. She could pull and position Kurenai without batting an eyelash and often tossed the old lady around like a rag doll without causing a bruise or pain. Since she was the oldest worker in the group and had the most experience everyone naturally looked up to her.

"Hey Alice what's been up?"

"Oh you kno, same old same old. How's Kurenai doing?"

"(sigh) You know how her old ass is. Always finding something to complain about. She has a cold and has been hollering about being unable to breath and saying she's choking and shit. Hell, just go ahead and choke!"

"Hahaha yeah I feel you! So she's been tripping all night?"

"Yeah I didn't sleep. She had enough nerve to say I didn't hear her calling me. Like hell she called me! I'm right down the hall. So rather than just call me she turned the television volume all the way up. So I went in to see what the fuck she was doing and she says 'I had to wake somebody up'. Bitch I wasn't even sleeping! Then she said she couldn't find the intercom but it was lying on her stomach. She can reach the fucking tv remote but she couldn't reach the damn intercom? I can't wait to get another job I swear."

"Yeah she's full of shit and we all know it. Literally actually. She has been constipated and kept asking for ExLax the other day. Hell even her kids and her husband know she's not right it but they spoiled her."

"Yeah, obviously. Oh, and don't worry about her being full of shit. She dropped a monster deuce last night. I was wrist deep in it."

BEEP!

"Naruto! Are you making coffee?" the old bat called from the front room. Naruto rolled his eyes and Alice gave him a sweet smile, her crooked teeth making her imperfectly beautiful.

"Don't worry about it I got it." She shed her coat and tossed it on an empty chair all in one smooth motion as she sped walked down the hallway. Naruto tiredly flopped onto the couch and gathered his wits before the drive home listening passively to the chatting women down the hall.

"Hi Kurenai. Whatchu want?" Alice asked cheerfully. Her southern accent always made Naruto smile.

"Oh it's you! Hi! Yeah get me half a slice of toast with butter and jam. And I need coffee." (who the fuck eats half a slice of toast?)

"Oh ok. Howd'ya sleep?"

"I slept ok." the elder replied. Naruto couldn't help but roll his eyes at the lie knowing that she only sleeps from 12 am to 4.

"Ok ima get your breakfast. You got any appointments today?"

"No, nothing. I might go out today."

Naruto cringed at remembering shopping with the old lady time and time before and he couldn't help but sympathize for Alice. But his motto always was 'better them than me'. For anyone who likes going down each isle in the store and having their old companion point out random things asking "what's that" then power to you, but Naruto never had the patience for that crap. Alice breezed into the kitchen speaking loudly so Naruto could hear.

"So my grandson called me this mornin' talkin' bout he miss his baby's mama. Man I told his dumb ass to let that heffa go. All she been doin' is fuckin' behind his back and shit. I don't know why he can't let the shit go."

"Oh wow." Naruto replied not really knowing what more to say. It always surprised him that she was a grandmother. Her carefree attitude and always available smile made her look younger. In face to be precise she looked like a younger, prettier version of CCH Pounder. She never failed to update him on the soap opera lives of her family while Naruto never had much to tell.

"Yeah he is just like his grandfather. Me and my husband haven't been together in years. I got my room and he has his. He can fuck whoever he wants to as long as he keep his shit on the down low, you know?"

"Yeah I see."

"Yeah and I got a friend I go to when I got needs, you kno? I mean we been friends for years and he wanted a relationship but I ain't trying to spark nothing there. He just takes care of me once a month and that's that." she spoke as she prepped the coffee maker, dropping the filter in place and measuring the coffee.

"Yeah well… Im a virgin so I just do me, you get what I'm saying?" Naruto replied with a lecherous smile and wink. Alice snickered at the not so subtle innuendo.

"Hell yeah we've all been there. Just keep doing what you're doing baby."

"Yup, will do. I'm gonna go so lemme get my ass in gear."

"Ok babe have a good one and I will talk to you later."

"Ok."

Naruto dragged down the long hall of the expensive apartment building. The clean, paisley print of the rug always sort of made him dizzy and there was always the smell of fresh paint. He stopped briefly at the trash compactor and dropped in a bag full of shit covered diapers and baby wipes. He tread down the stairs waving at the cleaning lady as he walked out the glass doors. He was tired from his sleepless night as his car looked so far away. He loved that car. A 2001 Chevy Tracker he just finished paying for. It was a nice blood red, his favorite color next to orange. He had found that baby on a lot for $5000. His brother said it was girly but it was smooth and sensible so he tossed in a $3500 down payment the next day. Thank God for college money. He paid at least $125 every two weeks and in no time the car was his. He loved his ride even without power steering which decided to go out over the summer. If he saved up he could afford the $300 it would take to repair it but with credit card bills always rolling in it was hard to save for anything. He climbed into the car and made his way toward the highway for the 20 minute drive home in the robotic fashion of someone who has done it way too many times.

He tiptoed up the stairs trying to overstep every stair that would creak under his weight shifting his heavy backpack over his shoulder. He made a short stop to kick off his shoes on the first landing and walked silently up to the second. He fiddled with his keys wincing when he dropped them damning himself for his clumsiness and managed to unlock the door and creep inside.

"There's my baby!"

(groan)

"How was work sweetie pie?" his mother chirped from her bed. Naruto stepped in onto the dirty pink carpet of her bedroom. "Aww you look tired."

"I AM tired. That old lady didn't sleep last night so neither did I." he groused as he sat at the foot of her bed mindful of her feet.

"What you say? You say she didn't sleep?" she asked closing one crow's footed eye as if it would help her hear him.

"Yes."

"Yes she did sleep?"

"No mom she DIDN'T sleep." he said impatiently.

"I'm sorry that I can't hear." she said testily. Naruto sighed and closed his eyes wanting to be anywhere but there at the moment. "You need to be more understanding of my condition. I got one lung! My vision has gone bad! I can't walk straight…"

"OK! GOD! I haven't slept mom! Please!"

"okokok. Hmm. Well I didn't sleep either. I just sat here watching the same movie over and over again, this Gilbert Grape. Look can you believe he been having sex with that old lady? Have you seen this movie?"

"Yeah mom." he lied.

"Oh. Well his fat mama lay up in bed and don't help and poor Gilbert gotta take care of his retarded brother. Then the younger girl came and she can't get any."

"ok mom."

"Yeah and his mama so fat she can't go upstairs. But she got up to get her baby." Naruto only understood half of what she was talking about since he had heard her explain the movie two times before. She had obviously forgotten. He looked over his shoulder and looked at her small 5'8 frame. She looked fragile as she laid there carelessly in an undersized shirt and a pair of red panties. Her scalp visible through patches of sadly thin blond hair which did nothing to hide the scar behind her left ear. The cancer was gone but the effects continued to get worse. She struggled to sit up, her skin pulling away from her bones with gravity.

"Did you eat mom?" he asked already guessing the answer.

"What? Did I eat?"

"Yes mom what did you eat?"

"Um…. Uh…. Toast."

"…..toast?"

"Yeah and I put some of that uuhhh… that umm… balance…"

"Smart Balance?"

"Yeah Smart Balance."

Naruto heaved a sigh as he shed his coat. He walked into the adjoining bathroom and carefully washed his hands. Their home was pretty small: two bedrooms, no hallways. Just rooms next to rooms. His mother could plainly see the kitchen from her bedroom which had two adjacent doors with one leading to the kitchen and the other into the bathroom which had an adjacent door that led to the kitchen. That's one thing among many that Naruto hated about this house. If his mom dropped a deuce while he was eating his breakfast he would hear her farting on the toilet. She had the habit of leaving the door open to air out the room since the window didn't open so there was no secret as to how her shit smelled. It had gotten to the point that Naruto literally yelled at her and told her to keep her shit to herself. The situation never came up again.

He opened the fridge and peered inside. He grabbed a couple eggs , a few mushrooms and a random bag of grapes. Not the most conventional breakfast but its better than toast. He scrambled up the eggs slicing the mushrooms up and tossing them in. They had cheese and he could have made and omelette but mom had been lactose intolerant since her recovery. He tossed the eggs into a plate and sprinkled them with salt and pepper. He cleaned the grapes and set them beside the eggs and poured up a cup of lemonade. His mother sat waiting expectantly and her eyes lit up at the sight.

"Oh thank you baby! You always take care of your mama."

"uh huh." he said flatly as he sat the food on the bed and gingerly placed her drink on the bedside table.

He walked out the room and into the living room and laid down on the couch. His six foot frame had to bend to be accommodated. The cheap pleather had cracked and separated under his weight over the winter and his mother didn't hide the fact that she thought he owed her a new sofa set. The next room was at one time his own but hated the total lack of privacy in the small house. So with his college refund from his freshmen year he managed to buy drywall and wood for the attic which his father graciously helped him make livable. Unfortunately, his father who is known for cutting corners talked him out of drywall so the attic was always freezing in the winter and hot as hell in the summer.

The cat would always paw at the blanket when Naruto would burrow himself into the covers and would always let his furry little baby in and give his body heat to help the feline warm up. Then the cat would have its fill and leave the bed again only to decide to play all night and keep his owner awake. That cat gave Naruto no end of trouble. Damn uppity half Persian! It hurt him to take that beautiful cat to the shelter since it always smacked of abandoning a child but the cat had been so jealous! Always hissing and scratching when Naruto came in smelling of another animal but Naruto would be damned if he stopped feeding those poor strays because his Persian had a complex. Itoshii. That was his name. His orange and white little fur ball. He loved that cat and all others. Animals were his weakness.

He heard his mother begin the Gilbert Grape dvd again before she made her way into the kitchen. He hated the way she walked. Always hunched over like a woman in her nineties, her knees bent and drawing together as is magnetized. Her aging skin dimpling and folding and the panties did nothing to hide it. She gave him a child-like smile all teeth and mirth as she managed to laugh at herself.

"Look at me. I'm like and old lady. Lord Jesus help me." she said as she chuckled to herself. Well at least she managed to keep a sense of humor about things. Naruto didn't like the sight of her. The strong, healthy woman of his childhood was gone and seemingly overnight he was left to take care of this mother who was a shell of her former self.

(flashback)

Naruto sat in his pajamas on the floor, his legs stretched out in a wide V and a bowl of Berry Kix on the carpet between them. His eyes trained on the television not noticing the milk dripping beside the bowl as he lifted a spoonful to his lips. Just before he could put the spoon in his mouth the phone rang. He dropped the spoon into the bowl and hopped up running to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey boy."

Naruto lit up like a Christmas tree at his father's voice.

"Hey Daddy!"

"You doing ok?"

"Yeah I'm good. Just watching tv and eating cereal."

"Ok, well um… your mom wants to speak to you. Now you remember I explained that she's sick and she's tryna get better, so… she lost her memory and she can't remember us too good."

"Oh… ok?"

"Ok, here she is. She really wants to talk to you." There was a fumble on the other line as his dad passed the phone. He heard a soft 'Here you go, Tsunade' as his dad gave her the receiver.

"Hello?" the familiar voice spoke clearly over the phone.

"…Hi, mom." Naruto spoke a little uncertainly.

"Hi! I'm so excited to speak to you! They told me I have a son and I wanted to hear your voice,"

"Ok. How are you?"

"I'm feeling ok. There's so many people visiting me. I know their faces but I don't know their names. Your father… Kakashi was it?... He told me about you."

"…Oh. That must be weird."

"Yeah! Well it was nice talking to you."

"Yeah."

"I hope I can meet you soon."

"Ok… bye."

"Bye!" she chirped. Naruto hung up the phone and put the cordless receiver back on the charger. He walked down the hall and into his mother's room. As he always did, he laid her black and white plaid nightgown on her pillow and laid down on it caressing it with his cheek and his palm. It was then, at the age of ten, that he said goodbye to his mother."

(end flashback)

Life wasn't fair. His father was supposed to be taking care of her like any good husband would, but he had found himself some spry and healthy tail who could provide him with shelter and sex. Nothing changes.

"Oh Lord Jesus help me I gotta pee. Oh no oh noooo!" his mother's already hunched form bent even more in attempt to hold in the urine.

"Why do you always wait until you're in a tight?" he asked impatiently. He heard her flop onto the toilet with a sigh of relief and a soft fart.

"Oh thank you Jesus. Thank you!" she sighed in relief. Naruto tried to relax and let sleep take him. "Naruto come bring me toilet paper!" Since the closet that contained the toilet paper was right there next to her in the bathroom he chose to ignore her. Hell, she can drip dry for all he cared. He wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon. He could never just relax and sleep, it took a while. "Naruto?" He sighed angrily and said nothing. "Naruto I know you can hear me!" no reply. "Speak walls!" Naruto wanted to die but what else was new? He heard the toilet flush and angry mumbles as she hobbled her way back into her bed hitting the play button on her dvd player. The sad, flat tone of Johnny Depp reached his ears and he frowned knowing he would be hearing this movie again and again until he slept and after he woke.

Life wasn't fair.

Naruto truly wanted to die. Sighing in resignation he grabbed his laptop and logged online thinking vaguely about how pissed mom has been about the phone bill. There was always complaints, always bitching, always misery. A few clicks later and he found himself on Craiglist. Nothing in the employment section. He was stuck cleaning shit or working in a clothing store.

He needed a drink.

He was always angry, always bitter, always thirsty for a nice hard drink to numb the pain. He had always been taught that if you live well, treat people how you wanted to be treated, and obey God's will then you will always live well. Yeah that was a crock of shit. He tried so hard not to hate God, the owner of the universe and beyond, but how could he not? It was an awkward relationship but he believed in nothing else. If he didn't believe in God he believed in nothing and there was truly nothing to live for, no point to life whatsoever. All he lived for was his mom and his job and both would be fine without him. There really was no one who loved him for who he was or what he had to offer but in truth that was his own fault. He was fat, awkwardly built, dull and without passion for life so who in their right mind would want him?

Hmm… that was a good question.

Naruto opened his own Craiglist account and made a personal profile typing in some details about himself, what he was looking for in a date and posting a picture. He second guessed posting the picture but it was only fair. Minutes later he had a post up in men seeking men and moved on to something else. He honestly wasn't expecting much since all the other weirdos on Craiglist just advertised for sex with dick and ass pics. Naruto was one of the few normal guys who made it clear that he wasn't looking for sex but for someone real but hell he may as well have been asking for the moon. He logged onto netflix and played American Dad. He could watch that show again and again and not tire of it. He curled up on the too small couch and turned away from the laptop just letting the sound lull him to sleep drowning out Ernie and Gilbert Grape. He passively pulled his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open seeing that his cyber boyfriend had text him 45 mins ago. He text back quickly hoping that the others phone hadn't died.

"_You there baby?"_

_"Yeah. I just go in from work. Im surprised ur up lol."_

_"I couldn't sleep too good. Had to sleep on the sidewalk again."_

_"Baby u kno I h8 that. U make me worry."_

_"Don't worry baby I'll be alrite. Nobody messes with me."_

_"Ur always da tuff guy. U can't win every fight Koi."_

_"Well I have sum1 who cares about me now so im careful :)"_

_"awww ur awesome baby."_

_"my phone is dying. I wont be able to text while. Hard to charge when u live outside."_

_"Im gonna miss u baby. I love u :,-("_

_"I will miss u 2 baby. Love u._

Sighing in resignation he grabbed his laptop and logged online thinking vaguely about how pissed mom has been about the phone bill. There was always complaints, always bitching, always misery. A few clicks later and he found himself on Craiglist. Nothing in the employment section. He was stuck cleaning shit or working in a clothing store. Naruto needed a drink. He was always angry, always bitter, always thirsty for a nice hard drink to numb the pain. He had always been taught that if you live well, treat people how you wanted to be treated, and obey God's will then you will always live well. Yeah that was a crock of shit. He tried so hard not to hate God, the owner of the universe and beyond, but how could he not? It was an awkward relationship but he believed in nothing else. If he didn't believe in God he believed in nothing and there was truly nothing to live for, no point to life whatsoever. All he lived for was his mom and his job and both would be fine without him. There really was no one who loved him for who he was or what he had to offer but in truth that was his own fault. He was fat, awkwardly built, dull and without passion for life so who in their right mind would want him? A light bulb appeared over the blond head. Hmm… that was a good question. Naruto opened his own Craiglist account and made a personal profile typing in some details about himself, what he was looking for in a date and posting a picture. He second guessed posting the picture but it was only fair. Minutes later he had a post up in men seeking men and moved on to something else. He honestly wasn't expecting much since all the other weirdos on Craiglist just advertised for sex with dick and ass pics. Naruto was one of the few normal guys who made it clear that he wasn't looking for sex but for someone real but hell he may as well have been asking for the moon. He logged onto netflix and played American Dad. He could watch that show again and again and not tire of it. He curled up on the too small couch and turned away from the laptop just letting the sound lull him to sleep drowning out Ernie and Gilbert Grape.

"Naruto. Naruto wake up. Phone for you."

Naruto growled lowly and was sure he was dreaming. He was positive beyond all reasonable doubt that his mother wasn't waking him up (he glanced at his watch) a mere fucking hour after he finally managed to fall asleep for a goddamn phone call. He turned over to glare at her only to find the cordless phone shoved in his face. He grabbed the phone, hit the end call button and viciously tossed the phone onto the coffee table.

"That wasn't very Christianly of you. I'm tired of them calling here and I am not going to hell by lying and saying you ain't here or hanging up in their face. That's not what Jesus would do."

"Jesus didn't have to worry about fucking bill collectors." he mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Did you just say the F-word?"

"Jesus mom leave me alone! Can I get some sleep? Can I just lay here and get some sleep? You know what, forget it. So damn tired of this shit." Naruto dragged his tired body up and began putting on his shoes.

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

"I'm your mother you need to tell me where you are going."

"I'm a grown man I can go when and where I want." he said sliding into his coat and grabbing his satchel. His mother sucked her teeth in annoyance behind him.

"Well bring me some food when you get back." she requested as she tried to hobble back to her room. Naruto froze in place and closed his eyes taking a cleansing breath, a calming technique that never really worked.

"I just bought you $100 worth of groceries two days ago."

"That fish sandwich you were eating yesterday looked good to me. I want McDonald's. And get me a small fry and two of those apple pies." she listed. Naruto didn't turn around. He gripped the door handle.

"I bought you food. If you want anything else you are gonna have to get it yourself."

"But you know I can't drive with my vision."

"Then you'd better broil up one of those five dollar steaks I went out my way and bought for you." the door slammed behind him. He walked down the back stairs and made a stop at the door at the first floor of the two family home. He and his mother had gone through hell and high waters to evict the dead beat squatters who got away with living there for a year and not paying. The justice system was shit but that was no surprise. Naruto promised himself that he would neither rent out nor own property. It was all a scam. Own it for what? Aint like you can take it with you when you die. He carefully opened the back door looking down at the furry face that greeted him warmly.

"Meow!"

"Hi, Vali." he shifted his bag so that he could kneel down and pick up the young cat. Her top half was all black and grey stripes while her bottom was snow white. He named her Valentine when he bought her from the shelter nearly two years ago on Valentines day: the day before his birthday. She purred, her green eyes alight as she set her front paws on his left shoulder and nuzzled his cheek in greeting. "Where is your sister?"

As if on cue a fat, night black cat slinked around the corner with the air of being forced to get up and greet the master since Naruto was their only source of food. It was after all the polite thing to do. Naruto put down Vali and walked over to the black cat, his nose crinkling as the unmistakable scent of cat piss slapped his senses. "Shadow I don't know what to do with you. Why can't you just go in the box?" He reached for Shadow and she tried to dart away but she wasn't quick enough. She was always the timid one while Vali was always eager to meet new faces. He worried for Shadow. In the event that he needed to take her to a shelter when he got his new place he knew she wouldn't be popular with potential shoppers. He knew that she would paste herself to the back of her cage, curled up into a ball and probably be put down. The idea brought tears to his eyes. But it was either that or deal with the smell of cat piss for the rest of her life. He held her so that her back laid against his forearm as if she were a baby and he looked into her yellow eyes; those eyes that always gave away her position in the dark when she was hiding. These cats were the children he never had. When he had no one else, he always had a cat at all points in his life. He put her down brushing the fur off his already linted black cotton coat. He scooped their undesirables out of their litter box, refilled their water and food bowls with only a few cups of food mindful of the fact that Vali was going to end up at fat as Shadow since she was now of age. They crowded around the filled bowls, Vali being the baby always pushing Shadow out of the way for the prime spot and Shadow being the senior always allowed it. He pet their heads and looked around.

He was living there now since the squatters had gone. His mother blamed him that there was no source of income since she wasn't renting out the downstairs but he thought she was out of her mind. The sewer always backed up since the tree in the neighboring yard had stretched its roots underneath their foundation. Many days had passed where he would go into the bathroom and find shit that wasn't his own in the toilet and in the bath tub. The basement was always flooded and there were times when the entire house smelled of sewer. Who the fuck wanted to rent that? So when his mother asked for money he would give it to her if he could spare it. It was just a matter of time before the bank foreclosed on them and his mother was homeless. The $800 a month that disability and social security threw at her wasn't enough to pay the bills and the mortgage and it was always a choice as to what bills would get paid that month. Since there was no heat downstairs he had given up on trying to sleep there so he settled with his mother's small living room sofa. His back suffered for it.

He got in his car and began to just drive up and down Lakeshore Blvd. The many for rent signs both excited and saddened him. With bills and income being like they were his credit was less than desirable… and that was to say the least. He looked at one apartment if that's what you could call the shoe box sized thing. Then he looked at another which he loved but needed a co-signer for. Then he looked at a final that was spacious and reasonable. He filled out the application and could do nothing else but wait and see but he would be damned if he got his hopes up. He didn't want to go home but he learned early that staying out meant spending money so he reluctantly returned. He was ecstatic beyond reason to find his mother asleep and thanked God for small favors. With nothing else to do he logged on and checked his email and was surprised to find twenty new messages in his inbox. It took him a moment to actually remember the whole Craiglist idea which he attributed to temporary insanity and boredom. He opened email after email.

"Hey sexy you're looking good as fuck. Would mind getting to know you." (delete)

"Hey my name is Tyler my number is XXX-XXX-XXXX text or call me blah blah." (delete) Any guy who is willing to give his number to a complete stranger is obviously insane.

"Hey my name is Chuck…" Naruto looked at the pic. (delete)

"Hey I'm on leave from the military…." (delete) No post-traumatic stress thank you.

Too ugly. (delete)

Pervert (delete)

He seems ok. He sent "Kane Nostradamus" a message.

Pervert.

Hideous.

Short.

Lame.

He looks like he's somewhat normal but he's a midget. (delete)

He opened one email and his heart fluttered in his chest. Fair skin, jade green eyes, cleanly styled yet wild red hair, a smart pair of glasses. He continued to read the message.

"Hi Fox. I couldn't help but notice your Craiglist post. I thought I was crazy even looking here thinking that there were any nice guys posted so imagine my surprise when I found you. You are very attractive and you seem like you got a good head on your shoulders so if I'm to your liking please message me. I'd love to hear from you. Gaara."

Naruto wasted no time in responding.

Hello Gaara, I'm pleased to "meet you" so to speak. You are one of the best guys that has responded to my post thus far. Lotsa weirdos."

He sent the message and began combing though the others noting that a few more had been sent since he had begun. Hell, he had never felt so popular. Naruto read the message of another suitor.

"Hi, Fox my name is Shikamaru. You said that you're tall and are into tall guys. Well I hope 6'7 is tall enough for you lol. Anyways I have a job and a car so I'm not a dead beat. You and I seem to have a bit in common and I want to see if there is more. Message me and let's see what happens. L8r."

Naruto responded

"Ur 6'7? Get the hell outta here! Wow so far you are the tallest guy to message me lol. So tell me a bit about urself. What kinda movies and music u like? Any hobbies and stuff?"

Naruto deleted all the overaged guys without even completely reading their messages. Naruto was 27 and anyone over 35 just seemed gross and anyone who was an adult when he himself was just born was considered by the blond to be a pedophile regardless of the fact that Naruto was well beyond jailbait age. Yuck.

He checked the last message.

"Hello Fox my name is Lee. I'm and half Scottish and half Italian which makes for a spicy mix ;-) I see that you are Japanese, I hope that you are not bothered by the fact that I am not. (Naruto rolled his eyes considering that fact that most of the guys that messaged him was white and he had no issue with it) In fact I find Japanese men to be very attractive (red flag, but Naruto ignored it) I'm hoping that you message me and maybe we can go see a movie sometime."

Naruto gave a generic response, not being as interested in Lee as he had been with the others. He was nearly logging off when one last message came in.

"Hi Fox my name is Choji. I'm 23. I find it hard to believe that someone like you thinks you need Craiglist to find a date. You should be beating them off with a stick. My last serious relationship ended a year ago and I do not like being single. I'm not gonna give you much of the flowerly poetic stuff but I will say that I think you are beautiful and I hope that you respond. I'm just one guy among the many that I'm sure responded to your post so I'm hoping that you will notice me.

Naruto looked skeptically at the pic of a pale man with dark hair and dark eyes, his features shadowed with a white and red Cavs hat which was partially covered with the hood of his red hoodie. He was… acceptable. Don't get Naruto wrong, he was far from arrogant and he was flattered by the attention but he had his standards.

Naruto replied:

"Hi Choji I'm glad you responded to my post and you have successfully passed my screening process ;-) You wouldn't believe the weirdos, pervs, and pedos that have responded to me! So its just you and like four other guys that I have responded to so far. I don't want to get overwhelmed with potential guys so I'm gonna put the cap on this soon. I didn't expect to get so many replies."

Naruto made sure all his messages were sent and began playing the Sims 3 knowing that once he got sucked into the game it would take hours for him to reemerge to the real world.

About 3 hours and a tired and dry pair of sore eyes later he checked his inbox. Gaara, Shikamaru and Choji had responded.

Gaara:

Wow so you are in art school, huh? I have a great appreciation for art. Maybe we can go to the art museum together one day. Or since you said you live near the beach we can take a walk in the sand and watch the sunset. So what do you do for a living? I'm in barber college and I cut hair on the side. I was always both teased and envied because of my hair so I figured it was my destined profession lol. Is there anything else you enjoy other than art?"

Naruto didn't know why but the walk on the beach thing sounded kinda lame and hopelss romantic to him but it was a nice thought.

Naruto's response:

Wow ur a barber? My dad is a barber, his dad was a barber, my cousins are barbers, my brother was a barber. It's kind of a family business lol. I didn't want to go that route so I'm still searching for myself. It's weird since I'm 27 and I still haven't found myself yet. I think your hair is very hot, no pun intended toward the red lol. I really like music. I listen to all types except country and weird stuff like polka. I think my favorite bands are Evanescence and Linkin Park.

All the attention was making Naruto a little tired but he had to be fair and respond to all the guys. He opened Shikamaru's message.

Shikamaru's response:

"Lol yeah I'm a big guy. Let's see I like cloud watching as weird as that sounds but hear me out. Don't you remember laying on your back and looking up at the sky when you were little? That sense of wonder never really left me. I like all kinds of music. I like going to Dave and Buster's, I go at least once a week. I like playing chess and all kinds of strategy games. How about you?"

Naruto could play chess but he could never think beyond a couple of his own moves nor could he plan his opponents moves so he didn't think he could challenge Shikamaru.

Naruto's response:

I can play chess but I don't have the mind for strategy so I doubt I will be able to challenge your mind. I am more into action adventure games that require strategy. As lame as it sounds I like the Sim's and I played Jade Empire to death until I learned every possible outcome. I'm kind of a movie buff for all things involving zombies and martial arts. I wanted to be a ninja when I was little lol.

Immediately he opened Gaara's email.

Gaara writes:

"Wow a family of barbers? I'd fit right in lol. Btw here's the link to my face book account. Add me if you have one. I never liked my hair but my mom does since I got it from my father. Its strange cuz my father has red hair but he is from Libya. He and my sisters are there and were under Gaddafi's thumb. I haven't heard from them in forever. I miss them and I worry but I know God will take care of them."

Naruto was saddened by the story but wasn't stupid. This guy could be full of shit.

Oh I'm sorry about your family. I will say a prayer for them (he wouldn't). It's a sad world we live in. Makes me go all emo just thinking about it.

He opened Choji's message:

Wow I was picked amongst the weirdos and pervs? I'm flattered lol jk. I can't blame them for trying though you are gorgeous. I'm really surprised that you contacted me back I didn't think I was your type.

Naruto responds:

Why wouldn't I respond to you? Is there something wrong with you that I should know about? Lol. You seem like a decent guy and I value that over anything else. I can't really see you in the pic you sent. Do you have a face book page? Here's the link to mine just to be fair.

Naruto glanced at his phone. 12:45. He had a class at 8 am and getting up was gonna be a bitch. He closed his laptop and laid back on the couch with a carefree smile. He needed this. He really, really needed this. For the first time in a long time he felt important. He felt wanted.

Naruto groaned in irritation as his eyelids fluttered in waking. His body's internal clock had woke him just before sunrise. The dark usually made him think that he could spare another hour or two for sleep but he knew better than to indulge that fool's hope. He stretched his long limbs and attempted to ignore the dry, sandy feeling in his eyes. He hated mornings. And when he said he hated mornings he meant it. Well to be honest it wasn't mornings that irritated him, it was the mornings or afternoons or nights for that matter in which he was forced to get up against his will that he hated. It was the idea of a schedule. Waking and going when his body emphatically said "No. Not happening." He trudged into the bathroom passing by his mother's bedroom in the process. He saw her frail looking body on her knees kneeling beside the bed in silent prayer. That was one thing he respected about his mother; her unyielding faith. But at times he thought her to be a little naïve. She was the type to ride a few miles on a thimble of gas thinking that "God wouldn't let anything happen to her". Or even thinking that the slightest bit of misjudgement such as missing an appointment and inconveniencing her dentist could warrant God's punishment. She raised her hands in glorification as he rolled his eyes and closed the bathroom door.

He undressed quickly making absolutely sure not too look at the hideousness in the mirror. Standing motionless under the spray of the steaming water he stared unblinkingly into the drain ignoring the rivulets flowing from his coarse hair and down his cheeks indistinguishable from the tears. It was only here that he would cry without guilt. The water would hide the tears from anyone who would see, therefore in his logic it hid them also from himself. He raised his hand, mindless of the weight of the heavy metal in his palm. He cocked the hammer and put the muzzle into his mouth. Closing his eyes in cowardice he slowly squeezed the trigger.

BANG!

The sudden noise startled him and he jerked to attention.

"What?!" he yelled not hiding his irritation.

"I have to use he bathroom." he heard from the other side of the door. Naruto clenched his jaw and shut off the water.

111111111111111111111111111

Class was stimulating as always. Fur hours of silence as the professor walked around the room peering over each shoulder. This weeks lesson: shading. Draw a perfect circle and using various charcoal pencils shading it to perfection and DON'T FORGET THE SHADOW! It was tedious torture, but he knew that if he could survive this class he would survive all others. At least with this specific assignment he wouldn't have to worry about the dreaded class critique in which you put your artwork on the wall and let everyone tell you how much it sucked. Class participation was required and counted as ten percent of the grade. Fan-fucking-tastic. After that he suffered another four hours of sculpture. He didn't think he could possibly care less about it. In fact, Naruto didn't care very much about anything anymore. Once upon a time he loved to draw, loved to write, loved to create. But he realized that no matter how much he did it he wasn't good enough for anything to come of it. He had seen great works of art from his fellow students and realized how much heart and soul goes into writing a book. He had tried many classes, many majors. Anthropology, biology, English, Japanese and asian studies, philosophy, linguistics. He would get the gist of it and lose all interest. Naruto was a peg without a hole, there was no place for him. Anywhere. He was just social enough to make acquaintance but beyond that was a struggle for him. He was isolated, angry, and constantly at odds with the world around him. It just seemed so much easier to die but damned it all if he couldn't even do that right! He didn't like change and to go suddenly from alive to dead was a pretty big fucking change. What if he changed his mind after? What if he went to hell? And to be honest he figured the odds of the latter were pretty high. God didn't want him, the world didn't want him, and to be honest he didn't even want himself. He wrapped his mediocre sculpture in plastic to ensure that it wouldn't dry out and washed his hands. He had enough for one day. As much as he loved asian art and had the deepest respect for his culture he just wanted to go home. Hopefully his mother would be asleep when he got there. He hoped into his third generation hand me down car and weaved through traffic. That was another thing that bugged him and the only reason he could think of it wad that there were too many damn people. What the world needed was a good plague. When the deer population gets to numerous we take our rifles and "help them out" so to speak. With the planet reaching critical mass it just made sense to Naruto that wiping out a percentage of the human race would even things out extremely well. It was heartless, it was immoral, but it was true. He pulled into the driveway and sat there staring ahead for a moment. The music he had turned on the keep him company had become and irritant so he turned it off and just sat in silence. It amazed him how everything seemed to make sense when the world was quiet. No one calling him for help, no one complaining about their lives and not caring about his. Was death this still? Was it just empty floating and numb bliss? God he hoped so. It seemed much more inviting than the streets of gold and promised mansions in heaven he was taught to believe his entire christian life. He didn't want to sing praise for all eternity and walk the streets of gold beyond crystal streams. He wanted to feel no pain anymore, no doubt. That hollow of existence that told him that every moment of happiness was fragile and fleeting and that waiting just behind it was the cold watery blackness of misery. And what made it worse was that he didn't know how to get out. He was drowning in an inky miasma. All the colors of life seemed muted and dull and if seemed hardly worth living. His mother had aborted two of his would be siblings after him, why hadn't she aborted him as well? Let the doctor puncture the back of his soft, unformed skull and flush him out, a small penny sized bunch of unrecognizable jelly and blood. He grabbed his book bag and hauled himself out of the car. Two stray cats sat at the steps gazing at his with expectant eyes. He had to smile.

"Hello Tucker. Hello Heathcliff, I haven't seen you in a while. Where's your brother?" No response of course. He trotted up to the door unlocking it and tossing his bag on the floor. He grabbed the preset bag of cat food and poured a generous amount in two separate piles so that they wouldn't fight for it. They didn't thank him but they didn't have to. He gingerly made his way up the stairs again and tried to quietly sneak inside damning the door as it squeaked loudly.

"Is that my baby boy?"

Ugh, dammit!

"Yeah it's me, Ma."

"How was school?"

"Same old same old."

"Well I havn't done a thing today. First I got up to used the bathroom. I been constipated for days but Lord let me tell you…"He blocked out the rest and continued walking into the living room. He kicked off his shoes and unceremoniously flopped down on the torn up couch. This was what helped him survive life, this black screen and qwerty board. He logged onto the internet and checked his emails. What was usually spam was a list of Craig list suitors.

"Interesting." he said with a small smile. The newbies were just straggler pervs so he skipped them and clicked on the familiar names.

Gaara:

So I checked out ur face book account. Ur even cuter than I thought. And don't take this the wrong way but u have a nice body as well.

Naruto's eyebrow shot up in surprise. He self consciously glanced down at his muffin top and continued reading.

Obviously I like a body with a little extra to love. Nothing wrong with a few curves. Anyways if you don't mind I'd prefer to keep contact on FB, its just more convenient. I'd really like to meet you and maybe we can have dinner?"

Naruto felt goosebumps arise on his back. One thing he loved about the internet was the lack of intimacy. He didn't have to worry to much about being judged or stuttering when he had the nervous habit of talking to fast. Messages could be read, reread, edited, and perfected. He wasn't his best on the spot. That's why his long distance relationship with the homeless guy was perfect. Yes, it was unorthodox and probably borderline insane but it was all he needed. Someone who was more than a friends but less than a lover. The texts were intense, loving, even sexual, but they were just texts. The most disappointment he could get from that is never hearing from him again, and so what if that happened? It was a guy who he had never met, never given his first kiss or his virginity. There was no real investment so nothing to sacrifice. Meeting face to face was just… just…

He closed the message and opened the next.

Choji:

Well I count myself lucky to get ur attention. And yeah I have FB. Just type in Choji and add me anytime. I just got off work and the first thing I did when I got in was message you. It's crazy but I am kinda psyched just messaging u. Do you think that maybe we could text?"

Now THAT Naruto could manage. He opened his facebook account and looked up Choji. It wasn't private so he looked though his info. Likes: Buffalo Wild Wings, football, basketball, WOW, Magic the Gathering, How I Met Your Mother and Big Asses. (the last one made Naruto laugh). He glanced through his pictures. To say it bluntly, Choji was a big guy. And he meant BIG. 6'4 and fluffy. He was fair skinned cutie with a boyish smile and dark brown hair. Honestly Naruto was a bit intimidated. Choji wasn't particularly drop dead gorgeous but he was handsome. More than Naruto deserved. In fact, Naruto was well aware that he had different standards than other people so someone else may see a total lame when looking at Choji. He sent the friend request and then looked up Gaara. Gaara on the other had was exotically gorgeous. He didn't have many pictures of himself though, his profile showed his artistic creations and his family. That pale skin, those green eyes and the tattoo on his forehead made him stand out. Where Choji was the kind to fade into the background with his black hair and nearly black brown eyes, Gaara was a beacon of beauty all rose petals and leaves floating in cream. He sent that friend request as well. Naruto logged out of facebook and decided to watch some netflix. For some reason he had a feeling that life was going to change a bit, and God knew that Naruto hated change.

11111111111111111111111

Naruto hadn't heard from his homeless text lover in days and we becoming disillusioned with the relationship, especially with the fact that he now had suitors at his beck and call. Then again how was a homeless guy going to charge a cell phone anyway? Of course, Naruto wondered how a homeless guy was able to have a phone in the first place. Well according to said guy, whose name was Suigetsu, he paid for the minutes by panhandling and finding random fix it jobs he found in discarded newspapers.

Turns out he was very good with his hands and judging by his graphic sexts he always sent was very good with his mouth as well. The thing that captured Naruto about him was his imagination. Turns out Suigetsu could make him feel every dirty, lascivious word. The way he would say he was touching him, the way he would say he was licking him… Naruto closed his eyes for a moment and lived in their last session as he sat on the living room couch. With a deep, regretful sigh he took himself out of the fantasy and faced the facts. Even in the unlikely event that he and Suigetsu ever met, it was dumb to consider a relationship. In fact, he was well aware of the fact that it would be dangerous to agree to meet him at all.

The homeless man was homeless for a reason and Naruto was privy as to why. It turned out his talented cyber lover was on the run from the law for unpaid child support and attempted murder. The thirty five year old had two thirteen year old kids. A boy and a girl conceived during his wild years of spreading seed, smoking weed and head banging. He had done everything from pistol whipping a man with his own shot gun in his teens, tackling a cop in his twenties, and knocking up a girl most recently… well honestly Suigetsu wasn't sure he was the dad since she had slept with another guy. But they had been together when they left to flee the law. Apparently the car broke down and she wasn't too keen on living outdoors with a preggo belly. So she quickly wised up and returned to Magnolia, Ohio.

Suigetsu decided to press onward hitchhiking his way southwest. Last time they text he was in Texarkana, Texas and was supposedly on his way to New Orleans. He hald told Naruto horrible stories about how down there the cops beat you first and ask questions later so of course the blond forbade the trip. Suigetsu's tough guy response was, "you can forbid all you want baby but that's where I am going". The only comfort Naruto took was that Suigetsu had picked up a homeless friend named Trainwreck so he wouldn't be camping out on sidewalks alone.

Naruto often pictured him with his backpack stuffed with a tightly folded sleeping bag and basic knickknacks. At some point previous, Suigetsu was camping out near Walmart near a lake where he bathed. The water was cold but at least he stayed clean. But the cops ran him off so he had to bathe in the sinks of MacDonald's and public libraries yet he took the joy of shitting in places where he hoped walkers would accidentally tread through it. Oh, and then there was the whole attempted murder thing. According to the homeless wonder, a guy broke into his previous home and Suigetsu beat him damn near to death for the mistake. Who would have thought that in America you can sue someone for defending themselves? God bless the law. In any event it was probably for the best. It was time to move on.

Naruto placed his laptop on his lap and opened his email. There weren't as many emails as there had been when he initially started but that was fine. He had three guys that he was emailing and anyone else was immaterial to him. He opened the email from Choji:

_So I see you added me on face book. I took a while to stalk your page lol. Before, I totally thought that you weren't real since most people on Craiglist are bots so I am glad to see that you exist. Message me there anytime. I don't really check my email much so FB is the best way to talk. Later Fox._

Naruto closed the email and opened the next one from Gaara:

_Did I scare you with asking to meet? If so I am sorry. I know it can be scary to meet up with a stranger you meet online. There's no rush. But I just don't want there to be any confusion. I am very interested in you, Fox. From the things you post on facebook it seems like we have a lot in common. My number is 234-567-8901. If you still want to email that is perfectly fine, but feel free to call me anytime._

Naruto sat back smiling softly to himself. This was what people his age did. They got to know potential partners and went out on dates. He had to admit he could now see the appeal. It was exciting and ego building. An anytime he mentioned to one that he was talking to another they always seemed to step up their game competing for his attention. Nice. He scrolled through the potentials and tried to be diplomatic about how he would proceed and finally decided that he would continue talking to Shikamaru, Lee, Choji, and Gaara. He would give them all a chance. One date. And the best choice would be the one he held on to. Easy peasy, right?

One week later…

Naruto walked into the house shedding his coat as he slowly closed the door behind him. He was exhausted. Dave and Busters had been a total blast… well at least it would have been had Shikamaru not tried to feel him up with every hug. Seriously that guy used any excuse to go in for a hug! Yay we got a lot of tickets at basketball! HUG. Yay you beat me at Time Crisis! HUG. Yay we both suck Guitar Hero! HUG. Naruto had made it quite clear that they were just hanging out and that it wasn't a date. He even went as far as to pay for his own tokens. It was a spur of the moment decision to go out that night and to be honest he hadn't really wanted to. But he rationalized that the whole point of this dating thing was to get out of his comfort zone and find a guy.

Just a couple days ago he had already been to Shikamaru's place finding comfort in the fact that Shika's sister was going to be there and he didn't have to worry about being alone in a strangers house. It was super awkward though. Naruto had cancelled on visiting Shika twice so Shika didn't believe it when Naruto called from his apartment parking lot. It took a few minutes of convincing but Shika finally walked out onto his balcony and saw the freezing blond walking into the back door after one of the neighbors (whom Naruto wasn't sure was naively helpful or carelessly stupid) had shouted out the passcode to the door. After walking up a few flights, Naruto was greeted at the door by a huge 6'7 giant. The impressive height was the first thing the blond noticed. The next was the strong odor of cat pee. Bad start. Naruto of course loved cats but seriously? Cat owner rule one: When visitors are coming for a visit you change the damn litter. Shika greeted him with a hug which was graciously free of coped feels. The brown haired giant had a warm smile and pleasant conversation asking about the drive and how Naruto's day had been as he ushed the blond into his humble abode. And God was it humble. Greasy pots and pans on the stove and open kitchen cabinets. Oh and of course the cats had totally gone Wolverine ham on all of the furniture. Well it was way too early to go home so Naruto smiled, tried to ignore the fact that it smelled as if Shika had been sweating the whole day and they sat down and watched movies. The night ended with Shika not trying to kiss him (thank cheeses) and Naruto took the long trip home across the freeway at about 2am. He hadn't intented to ever see the giant again, but a few days later Shika invited him out for a night of bright lights and video games. Since the blond had absolutely no practice in the art of breakups he agreed to go out with him. Lesson learned. Naruto settled onto the couch, pulled out his cheap phone and blocked Shika's number before blocking him on facebook and blocking his email. It was mean and could have been handled better but he hated being the bad guy. Well that was one guy down. He flipped open his phone and sent a text wondering what was up with Lee.

Another week later:

After the last fiasco, Naruto had decided that each guy would be given a week at the most. If he didn't feel a connection by then he would move on. The most recent one to bite the dust was Lee. Oh, God where should he start? Well it began normally enough. Five days ago they decided to go to a movie. There was a theater nearby that showed old movies for cheap. Since neither of them had seen Resident Evil Afterlife they decided to have a zombie laugh fest. They knew it was going to be awful and both thought the movie franchise was laughable at best and was lame in comparison to its game counterpart. Seriously, if the storyline is laid out in front of them how do they fuck up the movies so horribly? After many laughs and a decent time Naruto turned down an offer to go to a coffee shop after they parted ways. The blond liked to quit while he was ahead. Plus he wanted to keep his date wanting more. The next day Naruto felt daring and went to visit Lee at his small home in Little Italy. Lee opened the door to greet Naruto…

In all his skirt wearing glory.

Now to be fair, Naruto was told long ago that Lee embraced his Scottish roots and wore kilts, but to actually SEE it was a whole 'nother story. Well after enduring the torture of having to pretend to enjoy a movie about dungeons and dragons, being shown a sadly large modified nerf gun collection and choking down a lame and probably over priced drink called Zombie Blood (that had the nerve to be packaged as if it were bagged like it had been in a blood bank), Naruto was awkwardly propositioned for a massage.

No.

No to all of that.

It was definitely time to leave when Lee offered to let Naruto see what he wore under the kilt. The insulting thing was when Lee said they wouldn't see each other again and it was obviously because Naruto wasn't putting out. Whatever. The loser did him a favor even if it did hurt his ego.

Three days later:

This one was special. Naruto had TenTen come over the day before to help him pick an outfit. They agreed on a nice button down cobalt blue shirt, a pair of black dress pants and a pair of chucks. Wanted to look nice but to give the air of not trying to hard. He and Gaara agreed to meet at Applebee's for dinner and Naruto had never been more excited for a date. The two of them had kept in contact over the past few weeks. Gaara was a bit put out for not having had a date yet so Naruto fessed up and told him that he had dated two other guys already. Gaara jokingly chastised him saying that had Naruto dated him first then he wouldn't have had to go out with the other "lame-os" as Naruto described them. Gaara had wanted details but Naruto insisted on telling him all about it when they finally met. And of course the blond was running late which had him nervous and agitated. He appreciated punctuality and hated being the tardy one. Gaara insisted that it was fine since he was in the parking garage doing his barber college homework as he waited.

Naruto parked and shot Gaara a quick text letting him know that he was inside. He sat waiting for a couple minutes an absolute nervous wreck. Out of all the dates only this one felt real and his palms were sweating bullets. He tried playing it cool, not letting his eyes jump to the door across from hi8m every time a person walked in. He took out his cell and pretended to be playing a game or texting or whatever made him look cooler. The door opened and Naruto glanced up trying to remember to breathe.

Those eyes were positively magnetic. Gaara wore a black button down shirt left open to show a crisp t-shirt underneath. He wore a gold chain necklace that glowed against his color bones and went nicely with the subtle diamond sparkling in his ear. A dark pair of blue jeans were donned on his long legs and a pure white pair of kicks set of the look.

Simple but nice.

Understated but lovely.

Naruto stood, his own smile matching his dates.

"Hello, Gaara." he said evenly. Gaara's jade eyes slyly shot a quick trip down and back up his body. He extended his hand for a polite first meeting shake.

"Naruto." It was actually the first time they had each heard the others voice. Gaara's was deep, smooth and confident. If caramel had a voice it would sound like that. Naruto's smile widened. "It's nice to finally meet the pretty blond in the pictures." His eyes traveled again. "You are handsomer in person." Naruto glanced away shyly before forcing his gaze back.

"Well aren't you a charmer? I am going to have to be careful with you." he said with a grin. Gaara's smile widened revealing white teeth that weren't perfectly straight and it gave him a unique charm.

"Nah, I am a perfect gentlemen. My mother raised me well." To prove so, Gaara extended his hand guiding Naruto towards the hostess. She greeted them nicely and thankfully not overtly perkily and guided them to their seats. As they walked to their booth Naruto self consciously wondered if Gaara was checking out his butt. He was still nervous but a little less so since Gaara hadn't run for the hills at first sight. Then again he could be just being nice while secretly wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible. They sat across from each other eyeing their menus.

"I haven't been here in forever. I have no idea what to order." Naruto began having no issue with beginning conversation.

"Yeah everything is good here. Id pretty much recommend anything." Gaara replied conversationally.

"Hmm… I really should just get a salad."

At that Gaara froze glancing at the blond over their menus. Feeling eyes on him Naruto glanced up just catching Gaara chuckling.

"What?" he asked with a slight furrow in his blondish brown brows. Gaara got his silent chuckles under control and sat his menu on the table.

"You don't want a salad. You don't need a salad. You are gorgeous and I wouldn't change a thing about you. Now we both like food and I clearly am not the thinnest guy on the planet. So lets gets something deliciously fattening and enjoy this meal." they sat there for half a beat staring silently at each other before both of them burst out in laughter. Naruto immediately relaxed. They had similar tastes and never had a shortage of things to talk about.

"So he felt you up the whole night?" Gaara said after a sip of his coke. Naruto nodded giving himself time to swallow his pasta.

"Yeah! Oh but that's nothing. That guy in the kilt I told you about? Well he told me that his ex had snuck her fist in his ass right? So he was mad and they broke up or something. So he somehow managed to cover her dildo in Icy Hot. She ended up having to go to the emergency room." Naruto explained trying not blow laughter spittle across the table at Gaara's grossed out/confused face.

"What? Wait, how do you accidentally get fisted?" Gaara asked while flicking his red hair out of his eye flashing his forehead tattoo.

"I don't know but you would think he would be less comfortable wearing skirts after that."

They talked all through dinner and before they knew it it was time to go.

"I would love to see you again." Gaara said after walking Naruto to his car.

"Me too. I had a great time." he said fishing his keys from his pocket. Gaara leaned in and hugged Naruto promising to text him later. The hug was firm but not demanding. His hands didn't "accidentally" wander across his rear or graze a nipple through his shirt. He didn't try to hold on longer when Naruto pulled away. But Gaara pulled away slowly and let his hand slide down Naruto's arm as he turned to leave telling him to have a good night. It took all of Naruto's will to climb into his car and not watch the redhead as he sauntered back to the parking garage.

The blond was on cloud nine the whole rest of the night and the day after. But of course all good things come to an end. Gaara seemed a bit distant after. They text less and less and Naruto had gotten fed up especially after Gaara had called off their next date saying he had gotten food poisoning. Naruto figured that either Gaara hadn't been as interested as he led him to believe during dinner or he was playing the field. It wasn't like Naruto would have cared if Gaara was dating but he would have appreciate some honesty. In any event he was ready wash his hands of Gaara. Then a week later on Gaara's facebook page Naruto saw a status posted that Gaara's dad had been killed over in Libya but thanked God that his sisters were alright. Naruto sent Gaara a text of his condolences. The redhead thanked him and said it really wasn't a big deal since he didn't really know his dad. Gaara asked for a second date but Naruto's gut warned him not to. There was something too smooth about Gaara and it didn't feel right dating him. Naruto told him that he didn't think they would work out saying "a bird could love a fish but where would they live?" Gaara was persistent pleading for a second chance claiming that he hadn't tried his best and wanted to prove how how felt and how sure he was that they could be good together. Naruto was ready to agree until Gaara asked if they could move in together. The "what the fuck" shot out of Naruto's mouth before he could stop it and was thankful that his mom didn't hear. He told Gaara that he would think about it even though he knew that it wouldn't happen. Who asked to move in together after one date? Naruto remembered mentioning that his application for the apartment had been accepted so maybe Gaara was trying to seize what he saw as a golden opportunity. To Naruto it was just plain creepy. He procrastinated on telling Gaara his decision and ignored his texts. But apparently God was on his side since four days later Naruto had decided to google Gaara Sabaku. He hadn't heard from the redhead in a few days and was curious. An embarrassing mugshot of Gaara came up dated on the dame day as his last text and a storyline underneath revealed that the ginger had been arrested for possession of black tar heroine. Naruto closed his laptop in frustration and pouted in the dark.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurenai sat slouched in the hover round staring with critical eyes as Naruto worked.

"Put the chicken into the baking dish. Good, now sprinkle some salt and pepper on it. Oh, and don't forget the paprika. Right, now put some ketchup in that cup. Add some water in it. Now pour it over the chicken."

Naruto looked at the ketchup covered concoction and felt dirty. He wasn't a five star chef by any means but he would roast in hell before he served ketchup seasoned chicken.

"No when the oven is heated up put it in there until it's done. I will tell you when it's done. Now come put me in the bed my back is killing me."

He obediently followed her through the tiny kitchen watching in irritation as a sharp corner of her wheel chair caught on the door and sliced into the wood. She used her one good hand to steer and with jerking, harsh movements and pulling free a few bits of dry wall she managed to maneuver herself into the hall. He stayed on her heels… er… wheels as she rolled into the dimly lit master bedroom. She positioned herself near the foot of the bed and waited as he retrieved the hoyer lift. It was a bulky, heavy and awkward thing of all metal arms and hooks so it took some manhandling and careful maneuvering as he positioned its long wheeled legs around her wheelchair in the shape of a wide V. Kurenai always had a hoyer pad under her when she sat in the chair since it was the easiest way to pick her up without throwing out your back. Even though she was small she was full dead weight so Naruto wasn't going to risk picking her up manually, not to mention the fact that it was a danger to her as well. He hooked the hooks of the lift into the metal rings of the hoyer pad and used the remote control to lift her into the air like a hammock being lifted with a mechanical arm. When he had her up, he used the joy stick on the chair to guide it out the way and into the corner to charge. He carefully and slowly wheeled the hoyer lift next the bed mindful of Kurenai's swinging form lowered her on to the mattress.

"Oh, no. I think I need to go on the pot." She said as soon as he had her settled. Naruto paused what he was doing and looked at her for a second.

"Seriously?" he asked incredulous.

"Yes, go get Jiraiya."

Naruto walked out of the room with a sigh. The first door on his left was the spare bedroom and the door was closed as was usual when the old lady was up and about. No surprise there. He raised his hand slowly and gave a hesitant knock.

No answer.

He took a breath and knocked louder.

"Coming." He heard the sleepy reply on the other side of the door. In a moment the door opened and a head covered with white wild hair peeked out, the smell of alcohol rushing into the hall.

"Hey, Kure wants to go on the portable pot for a while."

"Alright I'm coming."

Naruto turned back toward the master bedroom. He hated waking the old man. Kurenai had told Naruto that she had gotten the prognosis of never being able to walk again just shortly after her marriage. In a rare show of mercy, she had given Jiraiya the option to escape the situation while the getting was good. Rather than taking the offer, he had spent his whole marriage taking care of his disabled wife and it seemed it had all caught up with him. After years of working hard at Lincoln electric and changing her diapers the man was tired. But with Kurenai's constant nagging and neediness it seemed that Jiraiya had become a fan of the drink… much to Kurenai's chagrin. She often had Naruto go into the spare room and hunt for the bottle to keep tabs on her husband's drinking and the blond hated being in the position. Even worse he hated when she would make him go in there and wake the man up just because she wanted him to be up. No one seemed to understand how miserable being a home health aide could be. The old man entered the room. Naruto grabbed the old lady under the arms and Jiraiya grabbed her under the knees. The pot had been sat beside the bed and her pants and diaper had been pulled down to her calves so with a heave and a ho they had lifted her together and sat her on the pot.

"I am not back far enough." She complained. The repositioned and pulled her back.

"That's too far back. Just pull me forward just a drop." Naruto rounded the front and grabbed under one of her knees and jerked forward just barely.

"Perfect. Now give me a glove."  
Jiraiya, knowing when to flee had left the room and left Naruto with the gross part of the job. Naruto went into the adjoining bathroom and grabbed a latex glove. He awkwardly helped her put it on fitting each individual, bony, wrinkled finger into its corresponding part of the glove. He then retreated to the hallway and tried in vain not the hear.

There was a wet squish as she worked her fingers into her anus trying to dislodge the mushy shit. No doubt the effect of her demanding laxatives. He waited for a good four minutes until…

"Naruto, I need a new glove."

He walked into the bathroom quickly pulling on his own gloves in the process before returning to her side, pulling the now brown glove off her hand like a used condom before throwing it away and painstakingly putting another onto her hand. This happened a second time before she was satisfied, or rather as satisfied as she was going to be. He and Jiraiya maneuvered her back into the bed, Naruto performed the routine of cleaning her, washed his hands in as hot water as he could bear and finally returned to the kitchen. He rinsed the ketchup off the chicken, reseasoned it with seasoned salt, garlic and onion powder and poured barbeque sauce on it before sliding it into the oven. He heard Kurenai struggling to cough and rush in to the bedroom with the smoothness and calmness acquired from repetition. He rushed in and placed his hands on her smooth, wide, pale, abdomen. She inhaled deeply and he pushed in and up into her diaphragm and she feebly coughed out. The polio had ruined her stomach muscles so consequently she was unable to cough properly. Against his better judgment he submitted to her request that he "cough her". He couldn't imagine this not hurting her insides in some way but she wasn't going to see reason so he winced with every push hoping to God that he did push her lungs out of her wrinkled mouth. She coughed up a milky lougie grabbing a Kleenex from the box next to her and spitting it in. It stretched as she pulled it from her thin lips and Naruto fled the room muttering that he was going to make her tea.

Naruto watched pleased as Jiraiya dug into the chicken and mashed potatoes with gusto. Naruto finished chopping up Kurenai's food and placed her plate before her along with her special baby sized fork. The elderly lady took a bite.

"Hmm… this is good isn't it Jiraiya?"

"Very good." He said not lifting his eyes from the television.

"What did you do to it, Naruto? Clearly my husband likes your cooking better than mine." She said with badly hidden jealously. Naruto just shrugged, said "Barbeque sauce" and walked out of the kitchen retreating to the den until it was time to clean up

Naruto entered the house kicking off his shoes again in the hall and shrugging off his coat. Tsunade was sleeping and this time she had "Ever After" playing as white noise. He had actually liked that movie at one point. A Cinderella who was kind yet tough and at the end managed to save herself without the need of a prince to ride in on a white horse. Too bad his mom had played the movie to death and now the very sound of Angelica Houston or Drew Barrymore made him cringe. He climb onto the couch and checked his messages on his phone. It would seem he had missed a call and was left a voicemail. "Hey Mr. Uzumaki this is Bob from the apartment at Shoreside. Just wanna let you know that your application was approved. Please call us back and talk to us. Let us know when you can have the first month's rent and the deposit. You can move in immediately. Call back at XXX-XXX-XXXX." Choji broke out with a dorky happy dance. He had saved up a few weeks pay and he was ready to blow this popsicle stand. In fact, he even had a check from school so he was able to buy a new couch from Value City he had been drooling over. Excited beyond measure, he pulled out his laptop and logged on. It would seem that Choji had sent him a message on facebook.

"_Hey I haven't heard from you in a while. Hope I didn't run you off, lol. How was your day today?_

Naruto glanced in the chat box and saw that Choji was online. He typed up a quick reply.

"_Yeah I was at work. Shame shit different day. Changing diapers and cleaning house is loads of fun. What have you been up to?"_

"_I had to open today. Didn't have a whole lot of deliveries and the tips were shitty. I need another job."_

"_You can always have mine __"_

"_Like hell! I could never do what you do. My grandma needs help and I cant even put her on the toilet let alone wipe her."_

"_You would be surprised what you are capable of. Especially when options are limited."_

"_Just get a better job."_

"_Oh, ok. Good idea. Why didn't I ever think of that? -_-"_

"_Lol well I'm just saying."_

"_Yeah you could do the same you know."_

"_Well my granny needs a care taker. You could always work with us."_

"_Yeah I'm gonna drive an hour out of my way to get to work."_

"_Lol it's 50 mins not an hour."_

"_Whatevs. Thanks but no thanks"._

"_Well the option is open."_

"_So check this out. I got approved for my own place! Im totally psyched!"  
"Oh cool! I'd be excited to. Congrats!"_

Naruto read the message and hesitated, biting his lip in nervousness.

"_So, I plan to be moved in soon. You maybe wanna stop by and visit? Only if you want to of course."_

Naruto saw that Choji was typing a response and nearly peed himself at his sudden boldness. There were moments when a quick bolt of recklessness would make Naruto jump at opportunities and this was one of those moments. He had been putting a lot of thought into it and he would feel more comfortable meeting Choji in his own place. They could kick back, watch movies and eat pizza. Like a friends meeting instead of a date. A friend meeting was much less intimidating than a date and even though there was a risk in having a technical stranger in his place he felt better about it than meeting him at a restaurant. Plus he had done that with that last guy and look how well that travesty turned out.

"_Hellz yeah! You are so amazing that I have been eager to meet you. I really like you so far and I would love to see your new place. I am honored that you feel comfortable seeing me for the first time there. I promise I will be good."_

"_Oh you'd better. I'm no push over."_

"_Lol maybe I am the one who should be scared."_

"_Lol I wouldn't hurt a fly."_

"_Yeah but you would probably kick my ass if I get out of line."_

"_Only if you make me."_

"_You need any help moving?"  
"Nah my bro and my nephew will help."_

"_So what do you wanna do when I come over?"_

"_I'm thinking movies and a pizza? Think you can score us one from The Hut?"_

"_LOL that's like the only benefit to working at Pizza Hut. I can always score a pie. When should I come?"_

"_I don't really have much. Plus I am going to the store tomorrow to buy a couch. Let's see, today is Monday. How's about Thursday?"_

"_Awesome sauce."_

It was a rough couple days but with Kyuubi and Konohamaru's help he had a myriad of boxes all over his new apartment. The heavy things were already placed but he just had to do little things like putting together his entertainment system and putting away his book. He was more excited than he had ever been. He stood in the midst of all the disorder and felt a swell of pride. Of course his mother was less than excited about it, but he had finally left the nest. It was a one bedroom place. The livingroom had a huge south facing window that let in buckets of natural light. The bedroom was a good size, he had an actual dining room off from the small kitchen and four closets. Once he got things organized he would go back for Shadow and Vali and his home woulf be complete. He glanced at his phone seeing he had a few messages from TenTen and Choji. He decided to leave them be until he got some things in order. Seeing the time was a quarter after six he buckled down and set to work. The next time he looked at his clock is was three in the morning and he was beyond exhausted. He had gotten most of his things put away minus the dishes in the kitchen and there weren't many to work with. The space for the sectional was cleared since it was going to be delivered in the morning and he didn't want to have to fumble and move things when the movers arrived. He stretched out on his newly assembled and made bed fully dressed and almost immediately fell asleep.

Naruto jerked awake to a loud buzzing noise and took several minutes to remember where he was. He jumped up in surprise grabbing his nearly dead phone and checking the time. Ten in the morning. He jack knifed up out the bed and ran to his door remembering to grab his keys so he wouldn't lock himself out. He could see from the hall window that a Value City truck was out front. He ran down the stairs and opened the door to the delivery guy who leaned casually popping gum against the wall in the small foyer and the blond couldn't help but think that he fulfilled the clichéd picture of a delivery guy.

"Naruto Uzumecki?"

"Uzu-MA-ki, yeah that's me."

"Sign here please."

Naruto took the clipboard that had been shoved toward his chest and quickly jetted down a signature. The mover took the clipboard, gestured to the other movers and held the door as two other guys fumbled with one half of the sectional. With teamwork and skill they had all parts delivered and assembled and they disappeared as quickly as they arrived.

"Now that's what I call service." Naruto smiled as he stood akimbo before his new couch. He savored the feel as he slowly sank into the cushions breathing in the new smell. He was home.

_Dragon dragon, rock the dragon, dragon ball z!_

_Dragon dragon, rock the dragon come get me!_

He woke from an unintended nap to the annoying ring tone damning Konohamaru for changing it behind his back. He looked at the calling number and raised a surprised eyebrow.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hey whats up?"  
"Well I am going to have to work Thursday. A girl requested the day off and my boss asked me to fill in. (hesitate) Feel free to say no but, would I be okay if we move my visit up to tonight? I really wanna see you and I don't want you to think I'm flaking."

Naruto fought down a sudden surge of panic. He didn't expect this. He didn't like when things didn't go according to plan.

"Uuummm…"

"No really it's cool if you don't want to! I just thought that…"

"Ok. Sure why not? I got most of my stuff put away anyways so it should be cool."

"Really?" choji said obviously excited. "Cool! I can bring two free pies today since two orders cancelled."

"Cool. So about what time you wanna come?"

"How's about seven?"

"Alright sounds good." Naruto's face split into a smile and he could hear Choji chuckle in nervous relief on the other end.

"Great. So I will see you tonight."

"Ok bye."

"Laters."

Naruto whipped out his phone in a panic. His internet wouldn't be set up for a couple days so he logged into Revol's sucky internet and got on facebook. TenTen and and sort of friend/acquaintance Moegi who was more TenTen's friend than his own was online. TenTen and Moegi knew eachother from campus and had met before Naruto had come to the college. Later Moegi and Naruto had the same Biology lab together and they discovered that they had a mutual friend in TenTen so they had formed a sort of triangle of friendship with Moegi and the newcomer. He figuring it was easier to talked he called TenTen up and explained the situation. He put TenTen on speaker while he commented on Moegi's status.

"So… you have some guy you don't even know coming to your apartment." TenTen deadpanned as if it was the dumbest idea on the planet.

"Well he isn't exactly a stranger. We have been talking for a little while."

"Uh huh."

"Oh whatever, heffer! What about that guy Jim you met online! You couldn't meet up with him fast enough. Plus you jumped into bed with him quick. I hope your boyfriend doesn't find out."

"….. shut up, that's different. I was looking for a FLING which is why I FOUND him on . You aren't looking for that so you better be sure you make it clear to him before he gets there little Mr. Virgin."

"Oh he knows. I told him what I was looking for and that I don't sleep around. And he knows I haven't even had my first kiss yet."

"Right. But still you never know if he is just seeing you as a challenge. How you know he isn't just going along with things just to bag a virgin?"

Naruto knew that was good point. In fact it seemed that as soon as a guy found out he was untouched they would immediately gain sexual interest. It was the total opposite of the point as to why the blond would tell them. He was just trying to be fair and not give them false expectations. In today's society people are all about sex so rather than stringing some guy along he wanted them to know how serious he was.

"Yeah, yeah I know. But that's the risk everyone takes when they date isn't it?"

It seemed Moegi wasn't online. However one of her friends who had previously like her status and commented had caught Naruto's eye. His screen name was Super Saiyan Vegeta. Naruto couldn't resist and typed a comment.

"_Well well, it would seem that I am not the only person interested in DBZ."_

"Yeah you are right. So are you sure you're ready to date? After waiting this long I am surprised that you are suddenly bringing this guy home. Maybe he will be the one to clear out those ass cobwebs.  
"Oh, ha ha. I am not thinking that far ahead, but if things get that far its whatever. Honestly I don't want to be a thirty year old virgin."

Moegi's friend popped up in her status.

"_Wow I don't often find other people on FB who are hip to DBZ_." Super Saiyan Vegeta responded.

"_Really? I would have thought that a lot of guys watch it. To be honest I am more into fanfiction. I used to watch the anime back in high school but I fell off the wagon so I forgot most of it."_

"_What's fanfiction?"_

"….Naruto are you listening to me?"

"Oh sorry, I was distracted. Listen I gotta get dressed and shit. He is gonna be here in a few hours and I wanna straighten up a bit more. Anyways his name is Choji Akimichi, he lives just beyond Konoha in Ameyama. He is 6'4 and about 450lbs id say. Yeah he's super fat let's move on. Anyways if anything happens to me make sure you give that info to the police."

"Alrighty. Text me when he pulls up and as often as you can while he is there. I wanna be sure he doesn't kill your ass and I want details as well hehehe."

"Yeah yeah. I can always cut him with one of my swords if worse comes to worse."

"True. Alright weirdo, don't die."

"I won't lame-o. Laters." Naruto said and hung up. He glanced down at his phone and saw he had a personal FB message.

"_Hey its Super Saiyan Vegeta. Sorry I couldn't resist. I am really into anime and I want to take the opportunity to meet someone who I can talk to about it. Are you into any others? You seem cool so I hope you don't mind me messaging." _

Naruto didn't see the harm in talking. Not like he couldn't block him if he was a weirdo so he typed in a response.

"_Well I am not an anime connoisseur but lets say that I dabble. I like Death Note and Full Metal. I watch Gundam Wing when nothing else is on. I don't really keep track of animes but when you mention characters and main events in the time line I will know what you are talking about. Like I said I am very into fanfiction and to answer your question it is when fans take characters from animes, movies, tv shows and anything else and rewrites them in different worlds or situations as they please. Its pretty kick ass. Look I am sorry but I can't talk right now. I have a sort of date soon and I have to get ready. TTYL I hope __."_

Naruto closed his phone and decided to take a quick shower. He washed his hair with lavender scented Dr. Bonner's soap and lotioned up to keep ashy skin at bay. He decided to keep things casual and donned a plain brown t-shirt that looked good against his tan skin and a pair of jeans. He put a few things in order here and there to distract himself keep the nerves down. Two hours later he was sitting and watching his King of the Hill dvd and his phone scared the hell out of him with its sudden ring.

"Hello?"

"Yeah its Choji. I am outside but I can't tell which building you are in."

Naruto looked out the window and saw a brown head of head looking around in the parking lot.

"Yeah I can see you. You are at the wrong building. You really should park on the street since the spaces are numbered so its likely you are in someone else's spot."

"Hehe well that's too bad. I don't park on the street."

"Ok your funeral. I am coming down for you."

"Ok."

Naruto hung up and ran to the bathroom to give himself a once over. He was glowing with a sheen of sweat. He grabbed his wash cloth and ran the moist, cool cloth over his face. He frantically fingered at his hair trying and failing to get it presentable. Deeming it a lost cause he grabbed his keys and trotted out the door and down the stairs. Pausing at the back door he took a deep cleansing breath to calm his frazzled nerves reminding himself that it wasn't really a date. They were just hanging out. Pushing open the heavy door he was greeted with a brisk fall gust of air. He climbed the five concrete steps that brought him level with the parking lot and saw his plump suitor standing next to a beige colored, partly rusted Grand Am. He rubbed his palms against his jeans as he approached to rid them of sweat before he closed the gap and met Choji halfway.

"Hey. It's great to finally meet you. You look just like your pics."

Choji's hand was warm but small and soft despite his large frame. The big man gave a wide and boyish smile.

"Yeah, hey! So you are real! Man I was scared. I didn't know what to expect honestly but you are beautiful."

Naruto fought down a blush.

"Thanks. Wanna head inside? It's colder than a witches tit out here." He said turning and leading the way to the door.

"Yeah just a sec." Choi said before reaching in the car and grabbing a couple pizzas and a bag of barbeque chips. "I always deliver on time." He said with a saucy, flirtatious wink. Naruto laughed out and immediately relaxed.

"Well it took you longer than thirty minutes to get here to I should get it free."

"Hmm… good point. Ok no charge."

They made their way into the door. Naruto turned and considered the fact that he would have to walk up the stairs in front of Choji meaning that his face would be perfectly level with his ass. Oh well, wasn't much he could do about that.

"Yeah sorry there's no elevator. Gotta hoof it up to the third floor." Naruto warned being mindful of his friends weight. Choji blew out a tired sigh in resignation.

"It's all good. I'm pretty sure I can make it."

All in all it had been a great date! Choji didn't leave until four am after Naruto had to nicely kick him out. He would have offered to let Choji stay on his new couch but it was way too soon for that. After many movies, both pizzas and a seemingly ongoing game of twenty questions they knew eachother a lot better and Choji had been a perfect gentleman. They gave eachother a warm friendly embrace after Naruto walked Choji to the parking lot.

"I had a great time! When can I visit you again?"

"As soon as we both have time off. Text me as soon as you get home. I will stay awake to make sure you are safe."

"Awww you don't have to do that."

"I Insist."  
"…You are sweet." Choji said, his voice dropping an octave. Naruto dropped his gaze and blushed.

"Drive safe, Cho."

"Night, Naruto."

The blond watched the brunet walk to his car and waved him away as he left the parking lot as Choji's loud hiphop music boomed down the street. Naruto tiredly walked back up the stairs with a pleased smile. That couldn't have gone better. He walked in, locked his door and flopped onto the couch. He grabbed his phone and saw that there was a message on facebook. He opened his inbox and read the response.

"_Oh, so you have a boyfriend I see. Well that's cool. I hope we can talk more. Did you see that last fight between Gohan and Cell? I'd be cool to talk about it with you. Feel free to message me anytime. _

_By the way, my name is Sasuke." _


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks and birthday cake to Madidi for the inspiring review. I began typing hours after reading your it, so I dedicate this chapter to you.**

Naruto thoughtfully ran his fingers over his phone as he sat alone on his couch. Choji had just left and the rapid gunfire of _Aliens_ sounded a low and violent hum in the background. He wanted to see how things would go with Choji. Granted he was not exactly the sexiest guy on the planet but he seemed nice, funny, cute, responsible and they seemed to have a connection. After hearing some back story about his previous relationships Naruto had even felt a pang of protectiveness toward him. Apparently his last couple exes had cheated on him and left him heartbroken, yet he still believed in love and was still searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Naruto found that kind of tenacity commendable especially since many people became assholes after dating assholes themselves. He couldn't deny that he was scared. Statistically, first relationships don't tend to work out and the odds of his first boyfriend being the one was slim, but he figured he had to start somewhere unless he intended to be a lonely old man full of regret and wondering 'what if' between bouts of dementia. As the old saying goes, "Nothing chanced, nothing gained." He stood up and stretched trying and failing to reach the ceiling. It was a good beginning if he should say so himself. He tossed on a clean mixmatch pair of pajamas to stave off the chill and crawled into bed exhausted. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was woken up twenty minutes later by a text from Choji.

"_Hey. I made it home. When can I see you again?"_

Naruto smiled sleepily squinting heavily at the bright screen.

"_Well, I work Mondays during the day, Fridays and Saturdays overnight and I have classes Tuesdays and Thursdays so the best times for me are Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdays and Thursday nights. And I am free Sundays."_

"_Cool. Can I come tomorrow night after work?"_

"_Won't you be tired?"_

"_Prolly. But I really wanna see you."_

"_Ok __"_

"_Awesome. Goodnight cutie."_

"_Lol goodnight."_

Naruto placed his phone on his nightstand and fell asleep smiling.

The morning light streamed in regardless of the closed blinds and Naruto was very displeased to realize that he had woken up way earlier than intended. Even with his strange sleep schedule because of work he still could't shake his conditioning to wake up early. He laid in bed as he always did when he didn't have anything to do for a while, unable to sleep yet unwilling to get up. He laid there until his back began to ache and then sat on the edge of the bed groggy and cranky. He picked up his cell and checked the time.

8:45. Fan-fucking-tastic.

He logged on to facebook and saw that Moegi had sent him a message.

"_Hey dude! It's been like forever since we spoke. What's up?"_

Naruto typed in a response cursing the fact this is antiquated phone didn't have a qwerty board.

"_Yeah it's been a while. How's your son?"_

"_He's getting bigger everyday. I have been looking for the love of my life all these years and it turns out to be my own son. I never knew I could love something so much."_

A sympathetic smile crosses the blonds face. He couldn't imagine how great it felt to be a parent.

"_I'm happy for you Eggs."_

"_I hate that you call me that (eye roll)._

"_I can go back to calling you Eggy in a basket or Scrambled Eggs if you like lol."_

"_Lol fuck you."_

"_Lol you wish."_

"_AAAAnyways. The guy on my friends list Super Saiyan Vegeta was asking me about you. What's that about? I saw you guys talking a bit in my status."_

"_Yeah it just kinda happened."_

"_Yeah he and I dated for a bit a lil while back."_

"_Oh, shit sorry. I wasn't tryna bump in your territory."_

"_LMAO oh please. If you want him you can have him. But I think he's kind of a stalker."_

"_For reals? Why did you stop dating? You never mentioned him to me (glare)."_

"_Well it was a while ago and we just friends now. Things just didn't work out but we still cool. But yeah he has been real curious about you (eyebrow wiggle)."_

"_Oh Jeez."_

"_Lol just letting you know. I told him just basic stuff so don't worry. I didn't give him your number or nothing."_

"_Ok that's cool. I'm just waking up so I'm gonna grab some breakfast. I will be on later. I'm suddenly craving eggs and bacon."_

"_(sigh) bye fool."_

Naruto chuckled and was preparing to close his phone when another message popped up from Sasuke.

"_Good morning __."_

"_Hey! Someone's up early."_

"_I just got in from work actually."_

"_Oh really? Where you work?"_

"_Downtown at the Marriot."_

"_Lol bellhop?" _

"_Nope, housekeeping. More like janitor really."_

"_Sounds like we are in the same boat. Nothing more menial than cleaning up after grown ass people."_

"_Yeah and it seems like the rich ones are the messiest."_

"_Well at least you don't have to clean ass cracks lmao."_

"_ASS CRACKS? WHAT KINDA WORK YOU DOIN? O.o"_

"_Lol home health care. I take care of old people. Well one old lady specifically. She needs care 24/7. Total bitch too."_

"_damn, I suddenly feel better."_

"_Gee thanks."_

"_So… how was your date?"_

"_It was good. I wanna see how things go with him."_

"_Where did you guys go?"_

"_Nowhere. Just hung out at my place. I am not really used to dating so I wanted to be someplace comfortable."_

"_I can understand that. You haven't dated much?"_

"_No I'm a late bloomer. Just started last month actually."_

"_Really? How many boyfriends have you had?"_

"_None unless you count kindergarten stuff."_

"_Wow really? That's impressive."_

"_Or lame depending how you look at it."_

"_Why starting so late?"_

"_It wasn't my priority. To me the whole point in dating is to find a potential mate and I wasn't ready at the time. And I don't do the casual thing."_

"_So… you have seriously never dated before."_

"_Nope."_

"_Wow."_

"_Yup. Well I am gonna raid my fridge and get sum grub. Catch you later."_

"_Ok. I am falling asleep anyways. Catch ya in about 8 hours."_

"_Lol ok laters."_

Naruto put down his phone before anyone else could message him and waddled in his "I really have to pee" walk to his bathroom. After relieving his heavy bladder and mourning his lack of eggs he poured up a bowl of Multigrain Cheerios and replayed _Aliens. _He couldn't help but smile as he thought of seeing Choji that night. Before he had fallen asleep he had another bold thought but was out like a light after it occurred to him. He wanted to act on it before he chickened out so he placed his half empty bowl on the coffee table and went to his room and grabbed his phone. Before he could second guess himself he shot Choji a quick text.

"_I think I want to kiss you tonight."_

He dropped his phone onto the couch as if it were hot lava and walked away from it. He needed to get his mind off of it so he wouldn't stress. He quickly shoveled his softening cereal in his mouth and decided to get dressed. He began getting together an outfit since his drawing class was at eleven and today was nude model day. He grabbed a pair of baggy, heather grey sweats and a form fitting black t-shirt and laid them out on the bed with a clean pair of boxer briefs and socks. He took a long hot shower and skipped washing his hair since he didn't want to be shivering in the cold. Hell he could just wash it when he got home. He washed his dishes and vacuumed the floor and anything else he could do to keep him mind off his crazy text but he couldn't quit the growing dread in the pit of his stomach. Why did he send that text? It was stupid! By the time he had finished cleaning it was near time to leave although he would still be early for class. He packed up his pastels, drawing pad, colored paper and portfolio but decided to leave his phone on the couch. With his luck his car would stop on the freeway and he would be stranded without a phone.

The twenty minute drive downtown took about thirty minutes with the downtown traffic and he walked into class five minutes before it began. Usually he would go to a drawing table and set up and spend the four hours of class drawing, but when a model came the students would straddle a drawing horse and sit in a circle around him or her in the semi dark room. Everyone grabbed a seat as a woman with dirty blond hair wrapped in a white bathrobe came in and stood atop the platform in the middle. Professor Iruka lowered the window shades but didn't close them completely to allow in cool light. He turned off the harsh overhead fluorescent lights and turned on a spotlight that poured down over the model casting moody shadows across her bare form. A small space heater was sat at her bare feet in sympathy to the cold and she dropped the robe tossing it on a nearby chair before taking a simple standing pose. Naruto eyed her for a moment before flipping through his available paper. He settled on magenta. He clipped it to his large clip board and fished through his pastels grabbing a peachy cream, a pink, a dark blue and a near black brown. He sketched in a basic form of lines and angles just capturing the gesture. He then used the peach to flesh out the figure contouring the arms, the collar bone, the swell and dips of curves. He grabbed brown to carve in the warm shadows under her breasts and the ones cast by her arms against her side and used blue to capture the cool lights from the window. He had to work fast since the professor said it was just a fifteen minute pose. Time was called all too soon and the model shifted into another pose. He fished out a new piece of paper, blue this time, and began to draw. Another fifteen minute pose.

TIME.

This time would be a longer pose. 45 minutes. A chaise was brought out and the platform removed. The model laid herself comfortably yet artistically and the student began to draw. Naruto's hands and eyes moved in tandem as the messy pastel moved across the paper and his hand was cramping by the time the 45 minutes were up. The professor instructed everyone to tack their drawings on the wall were they were all critiqued unforgivingly. Since Naruto was a third year the professor never let him get away without speaking up no matter how much he tried to blend in at the back of the gathering. And of course it was always the most difficult pieces he was called out on. He stared for a moment at the drawing in question. It was from a first year. The student was a woman in her fifties but she had the drawing ability of the average seven year old. But with his keen eye Naruto was usually able to point out the finer nuances of the pieces.

"She captured the opacity of the drapery very well. The form is very abstract. I'd suggest that she focus more on the gesture more before trying to draw the actual figure. There's obvious improvement since the beginning of the semester though and the integration of pallet is awesome." He commented. The woman gave him a grateful smile and he made a mental note to leave class quickly when it ended before she could corner him as she often did for ideas and critiques about color and composition. They all began packing up for the day and Naruto was the first to leave. He turned self-consciously feeling eyes on him and was shocked to see the eyes of the older guy named Orochimaru in the class following his ass on the way out. Naruto had always been self-conscious of his rear. It had always been round and plump since his early puberty and older gay men always found his curvy form attractive. Yet younger men seemed to favor the thinner and more compact. So yeah, he was extremely surprised to get so much attention online when it seemed guys in the real world never noticed him. With a sigh he stopped at the door and tugged on his coat. He heard steps on the stairwell behind him and wanting to avoid people he hoisted on his backpack, grabbed his portfolio and hauled ass out the door.

He got into his apartment huffing and puffing from carrying his supplies and the few groceries he grabbed on the way home. As he took off his coat he eyed his phone sitting harmlessly yet ominously on the couch. He put his groceries away and grabbed the phone flipping it open quickly. His heart pounded in his ears. Well honestly his heart always beat in his right ear. He had a bad case of pulsatile tinnitus for the past few years and it drove him absolutely crazy. When he watched television it was there. When he was trying to sleep it was there. It was a constant reminder that his heart was still beating and it never let him forget it. He could always hear his anxiety and the beating of the tell tale chicken shit heart was letting him know just how nervous he was.

BUMBUMPBUMBUMPBUMBUMPBUMBUMP….!

He focused on the message in his inbox.

"_Really? I would love to kiss you. I wanted to when we first met but I was scared of how you would react."_

Naruto breathed a slight sigh of relief but immediately tensed back up as he prepared to drop the bomb.

"_Just a little kiss though. I'm not ready for the intense stuff yet I don't think. I have never been kissed before."_

There was a brief pause. Naruto waited five minutes before the next text came in.

"…_Are you serious?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_WHY?"_

He had to laugh at that. A lot of people had that same reaction when they found out.

"_I just never got around to it. Wasn't a priority."_

"_Wow."_

Hmm… that was the same thing Sasuke said. Speaking of… Naruto logged into facebook real quick and saw Sasuke was online. He dropped him a quick "you up?" and returned back to his conversation with Choji.

"_I kissed a girl when I was around eleven if that counts."_

"_Lol not really. I am gonna be your first kiss! I was hyped to see you before but now I am dying to get there. I will leave out right after work."_

"_I am super nervous."_

"_Well don't feel pressured. If you change your mind its ok. I still want to hang out with you. I gotta bunch of deliveries tonight. I will text you when I get off and head straight over. Hope you got chapstick ;-)."_

"_LMAO be gentle. My virgin lips can't take much."_

"_ROFLCOPTER!"_

"_Um… roflcopter?"_

"_Yeah that's kinda my thing. I will see you soon!"_

"'_Kay, laterz."_

Naruto logged back in to facebook with the passing consideration of if talking to these two guys was wrong. But Sasuke was just a friend so he figured it wasn't really a big deal.

"_Yeah I'm up. Wyd?"_

"_Talking to you apparently lol."_

"_Lol ok smart ass."_

"_I'm just getting in from class."_

"_Class?"_

"_Yeah I'm in school for art."_

"_Nice. I went to the Art Institute for photography."_

"_Oh wow really? That's amazing!"_

"_Yeah I got photos on facebook if you feel like looking. Would you like to model for me?"_

"_Buttnekked on a bareskin rug? No thanks perv -_-"_

"_Nah I'm not like that. I do love the naked form but I always make it classy."_

"_Suuuure. Ok Playboy."_

"_Dude, seriously not funny. I take my work seriously."_

"_Yeah ok ok. I will judge you silently then."_

"…"

"…"

"…"

"_Quit sulking."_

"_Whatever."_

"_Got another date tonight."_

"_Oh yeah?"_

"_Yeah. This is awkward since we just kinda met but can I ask you a question?"_

"_Sure."_

"_Whats it like to kiss someone?"_

"_You sure you should be asking a 'pervert'?"_

"_-_-"_

"_It depends on who you are kissing."_

"_Well that much is obvious."_

"_Why? You kissing someone any time soon?"_

"_I told my date I would kiss him tonight and I'm scared."_

"_If you're scared then you shouldn't do it."_

"_But I want to. I want to get it over with."_

"_That's not why you should kiss someone you lame."_

"_Well I do like him and he seems like a good guy."_

"… _I'm a good guy."_

"…_says the perverted photographer."_

(Super Saiyan Vegeta has signed off)

Naruto laughed at Sasuke's antics and decided to take a nap. He was going to be going to sleep late tonight no doubt so he wanted to clock in some sleep time. He laid down in bed and set his clock for eleven. He tossed and turned for a full half hour before falling into a fitful sleep.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

Damn it did he sleep at all? He felt as if he just closed his eyes for a minute. He flopped his hand over his phone and flicked off the alarm. He dragged himself up and stood up. As difficult as Naruto found it to get out of bed he never hesitated to when he needed to. Snooze was for the weak. He stripped and got into the shower and washed his hair with his lavender soap. He stepped out the shower and gave his teeth a thorough flossing and brushing. Tonight was the night for his first kiss and he didn't want anything to ruin it. His phone beeped and he saw that it was Choji.

"_We still on for tonight?"_

"_Yup."_

"_Good I am already on the freeway. Still scared?"_

"_Shivering like a newborn kitten."_

"_LOL don't worry. It will only happen if you want it."_

"_Thanks for being to understanding. It's helping a lot."_

"_Hey, we have all been there."_

"_Stop texting and driving."_

"_But I wanna talk to you __"_

"_LOL we have all night to talk."_

"…_and kiss ;-)"_

"_LMAO I am ignoring you until you get here. God forbid you crash while texting me. I'd be scarred for life."_

"_ROFLCOPTER ok ok. There in about 40 mins."_

"_Ok later."_

Two hours later found Naruto sitting nervously on the couch next to Choji as they watched _Predators._ Choji was sitting comfortably on the couch with his arm resting on the back of it while Naruto was sitting in the crux where both parts of the sectional met.

"I don't see why people give this movie so much grief. I kinda like it. It's never gonna be a classic but it's good for what it is." Naruto said keeping their nice conversation flowing.

"Yeah it's ok but it doesn't compare to the first or the second."

"I wasn't too into the second one. I think Danny Glover ruined it for me. Plus having the Predator in the city threw me off."

"Well they follow conflict and the city is full of it."

"If that's the case why would it take so long to encounter them in the city? That's that I wanna know. It obliterates the suspension of disbelief. I can't understand it."

"What I can't understand is why you are sitting way over there." Choji smirked saucily. Naruto blushed and glanced away.

"I always sit here. Like Sheldon says, 'It's my spot.'"

"But it's so far away. Come here, I won't bite." The plump man smiled invitingly. Naruto let a bright smile light up his face and he hopped over to sit awkwardly close letting their sides from knee to shoulder press tightly using humor to hide his nervousness.

"Close enough?" he asked saucily hoping Choji would say it was too close. A meaty, heavy arm wrapped around his shoulders.

"Perfect."

They began to focus on the movie again, laughing and commenting and debating which predator was coolest.

"I think they can't beat the original."

"Yeah but he's tied up as a prisoner in their camp like a little bitch."

"Yeah but you have to appreciate the classic."

"The berserker predator is clearly superior."

"He looks weird with the tusks and the goth red tentacle dreds. But I know that they all look different. Still this whole 'two different kind of predator' thing seems really tacked on."

"Yeah but this is the first movie to dive deeper into their mythology."

"I have been researching their folklore a bit. They all themselves Yautja or Hish. I read some of the comics in Predator Omnibus but it totally sucked for me. It was too cliché." Naruto claimed shifting a bit uncomfortably under the weight of Choji's huge arm. There was a bit of a pause.

"Have you thought about it?" Choji asked.

"About what?" Naruto played coy.

"You know." Choji said not taking his eyes off the screen. Naruto bit his lip. He maneuvered himself pulling a leg underneath him and faced Choji who turned and look at him in all seriousness.

"I want to. But I don't know what to do." Naruto said with a slight whine creeping in his voice and he fiddled with his fingers shyly. Choji looked him over and smiled.

"It's easy. We just lean in and touch lips."

Naruto leaned in and paused uncertainly. Choji leaned in and paused a moment giving Naruto a chance to change his mind and began closing the distance. At the last possible second Naruto pulled away.

"Wait, wait! So what's the lip to tongue ration here?" he asked waving his hands animatedly. Choji's eyes were slightly wide in surprise and if this were and anime he would sweat drop. He relaxed into the couch with a chuckle.

"No tongue for the first kiss. Gotta work up to it." He instructed.

"Ok." Naruto leaned in again. Choji closed his eyes in anticipation. Naruto pulled away again. "Dammit I'm sorry. This is ridiculous, it's just a kiss."

Choji flopped back again wondering if he should be amused or irritated and settled on both.

"Look we seriously don't have to kiss. But please, you are seriously killing me. I want to kiss you and you are driving me crazy. Just let me know now if this is going to happen tonight or not."

Naruto lowered his head in embarrassment and Choji petted his hair consolingly. He leaned in and smelled the blond strands.

"You smell so good. Like… lavender." His nose brushed a tanned ear. Naruto slowly turned his head and Choji leaned in with a short, innocent kiss. Naruto pulled away with a shy gasp and covered his face embarrassed. Choji chuckled at his cuteness still petting his hair. "You okay beautiful?" The blond head nodded quickly and a snort of laughter escaped from between the hands covering his face. Choji waited patiently with a satisfied smile as the blond got himself together. Naruto lowered his hands into his lap and stared down at them demurely. A soft plump finger traced his jaw and he chuckled at the tickle sensation.

"It was nice."

"Yeah it was."

"Really? It was good for you? I'm sure you've had better since you are experienced." Naruto said self-consciously.

"I wanted to kiss you since we first started talking, remember?"

"…wow."

"So… are we like, together now?"

Naruto's head jerked up and he looked at Choji in surprise.

"Are we?"

"Honestly I considered you my boyfriend ever since I decided to take a second trip out here. It's not exactly a short trip and I wouldn't do it for just anyone." Choji leaned in and placed a second chaste kiss on Naruto's lips. It was less shocking the second time and the blond leaned in and let the kiss last a second longer than the first. He gave the chubby brunet a long searching look trying to find any malice or any deceit. He found none.

"Ok." He agreed with a smile and they sealed the deal with another chaste kiss.

Choji left at around 5 a.m. They leaned in for another kiss and Naruto felt he was an old hat at it now, that is until he felt a slip of Choji's tongue against his lips. He pulled back in surprise and Choji shot him a saucy smile.

"I want to see you again soon. Let's set up a time to meet again."

"Ok. Since you have driven out here the first couple times you want me to come visit you?"

"Yeah that would be cool. You can meet my brother. I will text you the address later today."

"Ok be safe." He wrapped his arms around Choji's huge shoulders. As he pulled away Choji snuck in another chaste kiss. Naruto looked down and away with a nervous chuckle.

"Goodnight beautiful."

Naruto skipped up into his apartment on cloud nine. His first kiss! He wondered if he looked any different. More worldly maybe? He flipped open his phone and was saddened to see that Sasuke was silent. He shot him a quick message.

"_Still mad?" _

The sun was due to come up soon. Naruto paused as he was undressing as his phone beeped. A notification popped up from facebook.

"_I wasn't mad."_

"_Sure you weren't."_

"_You are kind of an asshole aren't you?"_

"_I am suspecting you are as well. And a bastard too."_

"_Yeah I'm a bastard. So dad left when I was young, so what?"_

"_That's not what I meant and you know it damn you!"_

"_(shrug)"_

"_What you doing up?"_

"_Working."_

"_How can you work and text?"_

"_Talent."_

"_Or laziness."_

"_Working hard or hardly working right? I hid in a closet when I saw you messaged me to I could respond."_

"_Awww all that for me?"_

"_Of course __ In fact you can talk to me anytime even to talk about kissing other guys. My number is 098-765-4321."_

"_That's a weird area code."_

"_I live in Pennsylvania."_

"_Oh when you said you worked downtown I thought you meant here."_

"_Yeah I didn't specify."_

"_I always end up talking to guys far away. I need to stop doing that. Well the guys I spoke to here were either lame, crazy or black tar heroin dealers."_

"_Heroin dealers?"_

"_Yeah the first guy I let pay for my meal was. I thought he was so awesome at first with that red hair."_

"_Gingers have no souls."_

"_That's racist."_

"_Ginger isn't a race dobe!"_

"_Whatever teme!"_

"_Wait you speak Japanese too?!"_

"_Yeah I'm kind of a mutt. I am part Japanese since both my parents are half and one of my parents is half black so I am percentages of races I don't even understand. My skin looks tanned because of the black ancestry. I don't speak fluent Japanese but I know bits and pieces and I study some when I feel like it."_

"_Cool. I am fully Japanese but my family was sort of exiled and ended up in America. Long story. I might tell you when you go out with me ;-)"_

"_Um… yeah my date and I kinda made it official and are a couple now. Plus you are like 200 miles away."_

"_Oh really? That was kinda fast wasn't it?"_

"_Love knows no time."_

"_Oh, so you're in 'love' now?"_

"_Well no, but it can happen."_

"_How was the kiss?"_

"_I hate to say it but it was disappointing in hindsight. I was more into the actual kissing than I was into kissing him if that makes any sense."_

"_Because you don't feel anything for him."_

"_How you go tell me how I feel?!"_

"_Calm down, don't get all excited. You just said you didn't get anything from the kiss."_

"… _whatever."_

"_So if there's no feelings then he isn't the one."_

"_Oh and you are?"_

"_Gimme a chance and we will see."_

"_Yeah I don't cheat. He and I agreed to be a couple so I am off limits."_

"_Well we can still be friends right?"_

"_Lol sure."_

"_I used to live there before I moved out here. My mom lives there."_

"_Oh really? That's cool."_

"_So maybe we can see eachother some day?"_

"_Sure. We can hang out."_

" "

"_Well I am gonna sleep. My BOYFRIEND wore me out last night."_

"…_that sounded terrible."_

"_Gutter mind."_

"_Whatever. Goodnight virgin."_

"_What makes you think I'm a virgin?"_

"_Most sexually active people kiss, Dobe so it follows logic that you are a virgin." -_-_

"_Maybe not for long :-D"_

"… _is it weird that I'm getting jealous?"_

"_Lol yes!"_

"…_goodnight."_

**Two and a half months later…**

Naruto hopped into his truck and pulled out of the driveway. He didn't like this neighborhood. Didn't fit into it. In fact he felt that he didn't belong there since the first time he visited. He hit a pothole in the road jarring himself up and back down and regardless of how soft the cushion of the car seat was he was still sorely reminded that we was no longer pure.

Over the past couple of months in his relationship with Choji, he had decided that he would take things at a certain pace. He was ready to move forward and become a sexually active young man but he didn't want to dive into things willy-nilly. So he had reached what he thought was a rational solution. He would give a little bit more every time he was with Choji. Kissing was the beginning. He read about different techniques and Choji was more than willing to be his teacher. Lips tongues and teeth were an excitement to the blond and he relished the idea that the best was yet to come.

However…

He couldn't lie to himself. After kissing, things had begun to take a disappointing downward spiral. In fact, kissing itself became more and more unexciting and Naruto couldn't help but blame the fact the Choji was a mouth breather. He breathed through his mouth when walking, when sitting still, when playing video games when kissing. Actually, there were a lot of things about Choji that Naruto realized that he didn't like and the list was growing.

(flashback to last night)

Naruto pulled up in his truck and killed the engine. He always went to Choji's house at night which wasn't uncommon. Their meetings usually happened under the cloak of dark and had the blond not met the brunets family he would think that they were having a secret affair. It disappointed him that Choji hadn't met any of Naruto's family and it made him feel isolated in a strange way. He kicked off his shoes in the attached garage and was always in awe that they never ever locked their doors. Having friendly neighbors was one thing but being unsafe was another and it made Naruto uncomfortable every time he slept over. He came into the back door and was irritated to hear Call of Duty playing in the background. Not once had Choji greeted him at the door like a proper host or kissed him in greeting like a proper boyfriend. He didn't even bother putting down the game controller when Naruto came in.

"Hey, babe." He said glancing away from the screen briefly and then became engrossed again in the game.

"Hey, Panda." Naruto greeted hiding his disappointment. Choji sat in the same mess of pizza boxes and two liter Mountain Dew bottles that only changed the one time the blond surprised him by cleaning up for him. Choji showed minimum appreciation and only messed it up again in a week's time. Naruto swore to himself to never do it again. Blue eyes took in his boyfriend as he sat in a would be a loveseat but his wide rear spread over both seats and made it a plus sized lazy boy so Naruto never had a place to sit in front of the tv which sat on the coffee table within reaching distance of Choji. Naruto was usually relegated to sitting on the floor next to the chair and watching him play the boring, no storyline having online gameplay but this time he decided to sit on the couch behind the tv. Choji spared a brief glance probably wondering why the blond was sitting way over there and not watching him play. Choji wore a black pair of basketball shorts and nothing else. A mini fan sat at his feet blowing on high even though there was no heat on in the place in the middle of winter. The only time Choji turned the heat on was when Naruto threatened to remain clothed the whole time of his visit lest he catch his death in the drafty house and even then his plump boyfriend slept with a floor fan on the table next to the bed. Just thinking of sleeping over made the blond shiver but Choji insisted that he needed the fan to sleep.

Naruto grabbed the ratty, seemingly never washed throw blanket off the back of the sofa and pulled out a book to read trying not to wonder why he was even there.

"You ok?" Choji asked.

"Yeah. Just finishing this chapter." Naruto responded lacksidasically. He suddenly remembered something and closed his book. He got up happily and ran out into the garage. He slipped on his shoes and trotted outside, unlocked his door and grabbed a long rectangular box from the backseat. It was a couple days after Christmas but he and Choji had both agreed on a $50 spending limit. Naruto went over just a little bit but he was excited to give Choji his first boyfriend gift. Having never had a significant other to celebrate holidays with made this even more special and the irritation he had felt when he first came over had all evaporated. He maneuvered the awkward box in through the garage door and again into the adjoining back door. He turned sideways to get the box down the long hall and stood next to Choji who hadn't moved from his spot. He smiled brightly as Choji glanced up curiously at the box.

"Merry Christmas Panda Bear!" Naruto chirped setting the long box down so that both ends rested on the arm rests of the loveseat. Choji paused his game, eyebrows lifted in surprised.

"Wow Babe! I hope you didn't spend too much."

"Nah I stayed within the agreed limit." He fibbed. His smile slipped unnoticeably when Choji looked up at him sheepishly.

"I didn't get you anything. I couldn't figure out what to get you."

"….oh, that's ok! Me giving to you is its own gift! Open it." Naruto said feeling an odd pull inside. Choji wrestled with the gift and opened the box. To both their surprises there were two ninja swords inside and Naruto only expected there to be one. "Yeah you had been asking me for the sword my cousin gave me but since it was a gift I couldn't give it away. So I got you one for yourself. I didn't realize there would be two of them so that's a bonus." He said as happily as he could manage.

"Well you could have just saved the money and given me yours." Choji said lifting a sword out of the box. Naruto was glad Choji wasn't looking at him since he had stopped smiling. "But this is cool. I can give the extra one to my friend, Tommy. Sorry again I didn't get you anything though."

Crackle… crack…

"It's ok, don't worry about it. You can just owe me." Naruto said as he took his place again on the couch and wrapped himself up while opening his book. Choji gave him a perverted smile.

"I will give you the gift that keeps on giving tonight." He said with a wink. Naruto forced a smile.

Choji's tongue always felt strange against the sensitive head of his penis. Naruto squirmed uncomfortably and hid it with a fake moan of pleasure. He was just thankful that the stimulation made him hard although he didn't know how he managed it. Choji was getting more and more stingy with foreplay and he counted himself lucky to even get oral sex tonight bad though it may be. He guessed it was his Christmas present. It always smoothed the way for penetration with the saliva around his entrance. The tongue forced its way into his rear and he wondered if something was wrong with him. It didn't feel like anything other than wet. It was nothing like what he read about and he thought that maybe he had been naïve about his idea of sex. He arched his back and shook his thighs the way Choji liked and ran a tanned hand through the brown hair noticing that it had been a while since Choji's last hair cut and he was getting that weird Edward Cullen hairstyle. Choji pulled himself away and lumbered up to his knees and guided Naruto to turn over on all fours. Naruto suppressed a groan and wondered if it was insanity or tenacity to continue trying to do something that never worked. The problem was that with Naruto's round rear, and Choji's huge stomach and smaller penis doggy-style sex was pretty much impossible. In fact, Choji was lucky to even brush against the pucker. After a few embarrassing minutes of awkward positioning Choji flipped the blond onto his back again and lined up with Naruto's opening. He pressed forward and Naruto moaned hiding his discomfort. He had thought that it wouldn't hurt so much after he was no longer virgin but it hurt all the same. He had always been grateful for Choji's smaller penis thinking that anything larger would be too painful to take. He gritted his teeth as Choji groaned slipping inside finally.

"Babe, can you loosen up a bit?"

"How do you expect me to do that, Choji?" he asked somewhat testily. Choji just leaned forward and began rocking slowly into him. About ten thrusts in and it was becoming more bearable. He tried and failed not to focus on the strange pendulum of man breast that swayed above him occasionally brushing the tip of his nose and wondered if he was supposed to suckle it. He decided not and focused on matching his 'pleasure' noises to the thrusts. When the pain was gone he didn't feel much of anything so he could only go by Choji's reactions. He never even knew when the penis slipped out of him so he had to always be vigilant. Choji pistoned fast and Naruto began to arch and forced his thighs to shake again. He put his hand around his thankfully hard penis and jerked up before going ridged and crying out. He kept at it until he felt like it was enough and brought his hand to his mouth and pretended to eat his imaginary semen. This always made Choji hornier. The brunet leaned down and kissed Naruto hard breathing hotly into his mouth panting and moaning and Naruto felt like he was kissing a blow dryer. Soon the portly man pulled out and shot his substantial load all over his golden belly. The chubby man reached on the side of the bed and grabbed the same crusty towel that was always there whipping down his groin. Naruto had to move over to the very edge of the full sized bed so that Choji could collapse without crushing him.

"Ah fuck my leg! Babe could you rub my calf for me?"

Naruto rolled his eyes and sat up trying in vain to ignore the blast of air from that damned bedside fan. He rubbed the huge calf letting his fingers dipped within the fat to reach the muscle. Naruto wanted to leave.

"Thanks babe that's better."

Naruto laid down next to the behemoth and tried to get warm yet still shivered under the four blankets and all he could even think of was when the last time they were washed and how badly he had to pee. However, Choji's bathroom had been under the world's slowest renovation. Unfortunately he shared a duplex with his family. His 'try to fix it and quit' dad had taken it upon himself to remodel the bathroom and for weeks now Choji was without a toilet. Hell even the water was turned off so they always had to use the restroom on his parent side. But going over there at three o'clock in the morning after disappointing sex just depressed the blond. He waited as long as he could as Choji fell asleep. His breathing evened out and the arm that had been wrapped around his middle grew heavier in relaxation. Naruto wiggled in what little room he had and Choji rolled over in his sleep. Naruto moved painfully slow to get up since Choji had not yet grown accustomed to his presence and sometimes woke up when he tried to get up. After five minutes of maneuvering he found himself standing naked next to the bed shivering in the cold air of the fan. At least Choji had been nice enough to turn it down from high to medium. Asshole. Naruto reached into his overnight bag and grabbed the thick pair of sweatpants and a matching grey sweatshirt he had bought from Walmart just to wear here, a bottle of water, a ziplock bag and a wash cloth and tiptoed down the hall into the livingroom. He slipped on his clothes quietly and grabbed an empty Big Gulp cup. He emptied his bladder into the cup growing anxious as the cup filled yet his flow didn't stop until it reached the very top. He carefully sat the cup onto the floor and grabbed an empty Mountain Dew bottle and slowly poured the pee from the cup to the bottle. Had it been summer he could have just peed outside but it was eight degrees out there so fuck that. He had his pick of overflowing garbage bags so he grabbed the closest and shoved the bottle and cup deep into the midst of the trash where it wouldn't be discovered before tying the bag tightly and moving it behind the others. He grabbed his wash cloth and the water bottle. He poured enough water onto the cloth to make it moist before sticking it into his pants and cleaning up his nether regions as best he could manage without soap. He slipped the moist cloth into the ziplock bag and stood in the livingroom for a moment glancing at the sofa. It looked warmer and more inviting than the bed as he could hear the merciless drone of the fan in the bedroom and he considered just grabbing what blankets he could and sleeping there. But Choji could misconstrue it and think that Naruto was angry. In fact he was. Naruto was very angry. But it was so constant that it had become a base hum like the background static from a universe sound wave. It was so constant that he doubted himself and thought that he was the one with the problem. That his relationship with Choji wasn't so bad and that he was just being dramatic. He should count himself lucky. Choji wasn't a cheater. He didn't try to beat him or abuse him mentally. He had a job and a car and so what if they weren't glamorous? How shallow would Naruto be if he left him because he was a poor pizza boy who lived with his parents and was awful in bed? Hell maybe it was Naruto's fault the sex was bad. All of those vibrators he had experimented with had made him less sensitive and it was why he didn't feel much, right? In this world sometime you had to settle and look for the good things that you had. And wasn't love supposed to conquer all? Naruto wouldn't sleep with someone he didn't love and by that logic he must be at least on the road to love with Choji. Besides, he had always had the goal to be with just one man his whole life. He didn't want to be a slut. So he HAD to make this work. What kind of person would he be to sleep around?

The blond sighed and made his way back into the bedroom. Choji had migrated more to Naruto's side of the bed. No surprise there. Choji's large form pretty much took up all of it. He climbed in as best but he could never able to fully relax as he was perched precariously on the edge and a breath away from falling off. He ignored the trumpet of a fart that blasted hot and rancid against his thigh and was plagued with the thought that this was the bed he had made for himself and he had best learn to lie in it.

The next morning Choji had to open the restaurant and Naruto was considering cutting class. Choji asked him to stick around since he only was working a few hours that morning and Naruto could get a few hours of sleep and maybe they could fool around later. The blond agreed. Choji went next door to shower and dress, kissed Naruto (who was considerate enough to walk his boyfriend to the door) goodbye and was on his way to work. Naruto waited fifteen mintues, got dressed, shot Choji a text that he had to go take care of an errand for his mom and was out the door.

Naruto drove the long drive home and reminded himself to suck it up and take whatever came.

After all…

Tears are for the weak.

**Author's note:**

**Thanks again to Madidi for the review. I had a rough time writing this chapter but I did it for you. I was ready to throw in the towel on this fanfic but I really need to write this. So thank you, you have no idea what I meant to me. Also sorry about all typos and mistakes since I am horrible about editing. If any glaring mistakes are found let me know and I will try to fix it. I will be updating soon.**


	4. Chapter 4

**It's amazing how one review can give you so much inspiration to keep a story going. Again for Madidi. **

"_I still don't get why you just don't leave him."_

Naruto stared at the message in his facebook inbox and couldn't think of a single thing to say in defense of his relationship with Choji. His face tensed and he gnawed his lips but all he got was a total blank and he began to think that maybe he was a bad boyfriend. Sasuke never had a loss of joke material about Choji and rather than get upset Naruto always found himself laughing and agreeing. Although he was grateful that Sasuke could always get him to laugh at himself he was beginning to think of himself as a bad boyfriend. Even his brother Kyuubi and his wife Sakura had material from their brief meeting with Choji. Yes, some members of his family had FINALLY met his illusive boyfriend and not a moment too soon. They were beginning to think that Choji was imaginary and that perpetual single life was driving Naruto nuts. Even though the blond felt justified in his actions, he had to admit that he felt a tad sneaky. The fact was that he had to trick Choji into meeting his brother and sister in law.

Here's how it happened…

Naruto had just confirmed his evening's plans with Choji who was finally coming over for a visit. To say that their relationship was stretched thin was an understatement. Naruto had been the one making most of the trips to see his boyfriend and he was beginning to think that he was taking on the majority of the workload of making the relationship function. Not to mention the fact that they only text now every three days or so. Naruto would go silent and see just how long it would take for Choji to notice and it seemed like it was always three days when his chubby man would check in with him. So, after not having seen eachother for weeks Choji sent him a text claiming that he missed him and wanted to see him. Naruto suspected that he just missed his ass and wanted sex but he was willing to take what he could get. The blond went through stages as far as how he felt about Choji. He would be sad at first at Choji's distance, then he would get angry at how much of an asshole he was, he would shift then into resignation and make himself believe that he himself was wrong and that Choji was doing the best he could with a menial job and 50 miles between them. His feelings toward the relationship would shift like the image in a kaleidoscope so much so that he could only describe what he was feeling as turmoil. Thinking on it gave him headaches and he would just decide to let it be. It all boiled down to the fact that he was either going to leave Choji or he wasn't and he always found himself unable to do it. However, today brought a ray of light since Choji was taking initiative and deciding to visit and Naruto found himself in love again. Butterflies beat against the walls of his stomach and he immediately took the chance as he saw it. He shot his brother a quick message.

"Choji is coming tonight. Stop by after 10."

The night went as he had expected. They made the pretext of watching a movie and then Choji mentioned that since he came there straight from work that he needed a shower and that he would love if Naruto joined him for some wet soapy fun. Now some people might think that this is one of those great romantic scenarios but it really wasn't. Yet he was grateful for the fact that he had prepared for it. He had showered before Choji arrived since this wasn't the first time he made the request even though Naruto wished it would be the last. They undressed quickly and Naruto made his way into the shower with Choji following minutes after. It was a small bathroom with a small shower so anyone with imagination can imagine how awkward it was to have a pleasantly plump man with his huge boyfriend trying to maneuver in the tiny space. The blond grabbed his wash cloth and lamented the fact the Choji never used them. The very first time that the wash cloth subject came up Naruto was puzzled and wondered how a person could manage showering and/or bathing without a cloth, but after watching Choji's washing ritual it became clear. Even though he watched Choji shower a handful of times he could never wrap his head around it. Having rinsed himself clean of soap they attempted the dangerous move of switching places in the shower so that Choji could stand under the water spray. Naruto found himself with his front pressed against the wall of the shower as Choji's stomach pressed and rubbed against his back as he squeezed by to the front of the shower and Naruto thanked God that no one slipped and fell out. He stood behind his boyfriend and watched the water fall down his back. This was supposed to be sexy, right? Choji had a wide pale back with sparse, wide flat moles and it image always reminded him of pizza. The way cheese would melt on the pie and dark spots appeared where the cheese burned. He didn't miss the irony since Choji worked at a pizza place. Naruto resisted the urge he got to pick at the large skin tag on the back in front of him as Choji poured shampoo on his hands and lathered that damned twilight vampire hair. Then as an afterthought he wiped his shampoo lathered hands across his torso, across his armpits and over his groin… ass left untouched.

Yep, definitely sexy.

Choji wasn't clean enough to be a bottom and you couldn't pay Naruto to play seme and touch that unwashed anus. How Choji seemed to bank on his confidence in getting his ass clean with just wiping with toilet paper after shitting was beyond the blond but he kept his mouth shut to keep the peace. Choji turned around and ran his hands over Naruto's chest paying special attention to his nipples. He pinched and twisted them hard enjoying the shiver he caused. Of course he shivered, it hurt! But at least he felt something. Hell, even pain was better than nothing so he took it in stride. A meaty hand cupped his balls and Naruto was always thankful when he managed to get and erection. A finger tickled at his entrance and he forced a moan. A wet body pressed against his own and Naruto got scared and uncomfortable. Choji's Santa Claus belly was a danger in the shower as it always got in the way. It pressed against Naruto's midsection and put him off balance. He found himself focused more on not falling over instead of Choji's open mouth, hot breath kiss. He pressed against the belly trying not to fall and Choji mistook it as eagerness. He turned off the shower and grabbed Naruto's arm guiding him to the bedroom.

"I want you on top."

Naruto obediently climbed on, his knees barely touching the mattress as his thighs stretched to accommodate and it felt as if he was straddling a wide, pickle barrel. Choji grabbed Naruto around his waist and helped lift him. The blond felt the tip slide around searching rubbing from his balls to his taint to the pucker and back almost in confusion. Getting frustrated Choji reached down lifting his belly up and out the way and grabbing his penis and guiding it to Naruto's hole. Finally getting in the right position he pressed his hips up and breached the opening. Naruto winced and tried to force himself to relax knowing that tensing in discomfort only made it hurt worse. It hurt but that was okay.

At least he felt something.

But it was short lived as a few thrusts later it was numb again. He used his usual technique of placing his hands on the wall and grinding hard. Bouncing was out of the question since Choji would always slip out of him and it put too much stress on Naruto's thighs especially since he couldn't push off from the mattress with his knees. He moved his hips as fast as he could. Choji twisted his nipples again and he shot out many whorish moans. Sometimes Choji could last for what felt like forever. Of course, Naruto knew that stamina in a man was a good thing but he would always reach a point when he realized that the sex was going to be as numb as it always was and it was then that he just would want Choji to cum and let him go to sleep and be done with it. He lamented that hope. That hope that this time would be different and he would get an orgasm. It made him crave Choji physically to think that the time would come in which his world would be rocked with an earth shattering orgasm if he could just be patient. He was human of course. His body wanted physical pleasure. He would get aroused at the idea of sex with his boyfriend. But he suspected that it was the novelty that excited him. He was inexperienced and still very new to sex so the idea of having it excited him. So the disappointment would hit him twice as hard when it would all be for nothing. He was brought out of his musing as Choji cupped his face and stared into his eyes, hips still rocking.

"Can I tell you something?" he whispered unsurely. Naruto smiled and nodded. Choji's porky arm fell back against the mattress and his eyes closed in the very picture of pleasurable abandon. "I think I am falling in love with you." Naruto never stopped grinding but he felt his insides stutter as if his very blood stilled for a moment. His smile never dropped and in real time there was no hesitation but in Naruto's mind everything around him fell silent and the world fell into a pinpoint in which this singularity of a moment was all there was. He was panicked.

"I love you too, Baby." He responsed. To Choji's eyes it was warm and sincere but to Naruto deep down within it rang robotic, tinny and false like the voice wasn't his own. He said it in response to Choji saying it and it would have been rude to not say it back. He leaned down and kissed that open panting mouth and they redoubled their efforts. It was soon (but not soon enough) that Choji came hard pulling out and jerking himself to finish. Naruto didn't like when Choji came inside him and the chubby man refused to wear condoms claiming he never wore them even when he dated girls. He rolled to the side after Choji was done and watched as the man got up and wiped himself free of cum. It had become common for Choji to get up after sex and play video games when they did it at his place but usually when they had sex at Naruto's apartment he just rolled over and went to sleep. Having wiped himself down he laid back next to the blond and whipped out his phone. He began watching music videos in his boredom and Naruto laid on his shoulder to seen the small screen and saw that a Beyonce' video was on.

"She is so fucking hot." Choji said as he stared at the phone. Naruto frowned.

"Well, yeah but she is wearing makeup and fake hair. Take that away and she looks just like every other pretty girl."

"Nah she is even hot without the makeup. And she's got that perfect body."

Naruto couldn't help but feel self-conscious and a little jealous.

"Yeah I guess. She's Beyonce'. She is as close to perfect as you can get.

"If your skin was a little darker you would be the same complexion as her." Choji stupidly said and Naruto suddenly felt cheap. "Come on, there isn't a celebrity you would fuck if you had the chance?"

"No."

"Liar."

"I'm serious. A celebrity is a gimmick. They are just a regular person in costume portraying themselves as a sexual commodity. They are fantasies. But underneath it all they are just like everyone else."

"So you wouldn't fuck Channing Tatum or Zac Efron if you could?"

"I said no, Choji." Naruto was getting irritated.

"So… if we were married and our kids were starving you wouldn't fuck a celebrity if they would pay you five hundred thousand dollars?"

"…. All that is stupid. No celebrity would pay me that amount of cash for a one night stand and that's not even the same thing! Having sex for money to feed my starving children? Come on Cho."

"But you would though for your family."

"…Yeah if I had to."

"that's what I thought."

Naruto pulled away from Choji's shoulder and feigned trying to sleep. Another thing to add to the list of things he hated about Choji. If he wasn't winning a debate he would throw in a stupid point and turn things around. Naruto heard the moans of a porn star from the phone and glanced over seeing a black chick with pink hair squirting all over the camera.

"That's Pinky. She is one of my favorite porn stars. Her and Jada Fire." Choji said conversationally. Naruto was no stranger to porn and didn't care if Choji watched it but it irritated him when his boyfriend would talk about how physically perfect other people were. He knew he was stupid for feel self-conscious about it but he couldn't help himself. "I love women that squirt and bottoms that shoot cum everywhere. The messier the better." Naruto knew that Choji didn't appreciate that he was not a messy sex partner. He always hid the fact that he didn't cum by either pretending to eat his own semen or making it look like he was just wiping it on the blanket so there was nothing he could do about that. In fact, Choji had mentioned his love of Beyonce' times before so Naruto was aware of it but he could never shake the pain of it and the fact that Choji had let that 'similar complexion' comment slip made it worse. Being 'exotic' brought with it the risk of being someone's fetish or flavor of the month and regardless of the love confession Choji sprung on him he suspected that the fat guy may have been satisfying a craving for chocolate flavored sushi in being with him.

"LITTLE BROOOOTHEEEERRRR!" he heard call from outside. His face lit up and he hopped out the bed and ran to his window pulling up the blinds and looking into the parking lot. His brother's silver car was outside and he had his red head sticking out of the window as he squinted up at the windows of Naruto's apartment. Naruto pulled the tricky window open.

"Hey big bro! I'm surprised you are out this late!"

"Yeah we are just getting back from hanging out with our brethren!"

Naruto suppressed an eyeroll. He would never get used to the fact that his brother was a Jehovah's Witness.

"Ok cool! Come on up!"

"What?!" Choji yell-whispered behind him on the bed before he jumped up and began grabbing his clothes. Kyuubi pulled off to the side to find parking. Naruto calmly slipped on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt as Choji fumbled to put on his entire outfit. The blond glanced out the window and saw Kyuubi waiting as Sakura and Konohamaru climbed out the small vehicle and they began walking to the door. Choji was finally getting his last sock on as Naruto buzzed them in. Konohamaru's excited footsteps sounded down the hall until he burst through the door as if he owned the place. Naruto's nephew seemed to have an unending reservoir of energy but that was expected from a sixteen year old.

"Hey Uncle!" he chirped happily to Naruto.

"'Sup Ru? Ru, this is Choji. Choji this is Konohamaru." Ru (as Konohamaru was called by the family) took wide strides toward Choji and extended his hand with a boyish grin.

"Sup, Choji?"

"Hey man, what's up?"

"Nothing much. Nice to finally meet you."

"Likewise."

At this moment Sakura and Kyuubi came into the place all smiles and politeness but Naruto wasn't fooled. He knew that at first sight they were filing away little gems to laugh about in the car and he was ashamed to admit to himself that he was looking forward to hearing them.

"Hey man! OH MY GOD YOU ARE REAL!" Kyuubi said dramatically as he heartily shook Choji's hand. Choji glanced down at the hand gripping his.

"Jeez, dude it like grabbing a bunch of bananas. Your hands are huge!" Choji said in surprise even though Naruto mentioned to him before that his brother had hands that were huge beyond reason. Kyuubi looked slightly taken aback but recovered quickly.

"Yeah man what can I say? And I work on cars so sorry about the callouses. You know cars?"

"Nah I am more of a gamer."

"…Oh yeah? Ok cool." Kyuubi said. Naruto could hear the disapproval in his voice.

"Hello, I am Sakura, Naruto's sister-in- law and Kyuu's wife." Sakura spoke up and walked forward to shake Choji's hand. Naruto hated her high pitched nasally voice but he was glad to have her there that night. Honestly this was the most real the relationship had felt for him but that wasn't saying much. Naruto watched from the side for a moment as they exchanged first meeting pleasantries and noticed that Choji looked nervous. It was a strange kind of nervous. Or maybe Naruto himself was projecting his own thoughts of the situation onto Choji? What bothered Naruto was how badly Choji didn't fit. His family with their dark skin and circus colored hair while Choji just looked so out of place. Even Ru's darker auburn red hair didn't help Choji blend. Choji's pale skin seemed to glow amongst them after Naruto turned on the tv and plugged in his Prometheus dvd. They talked about the movie and Sakura would shoot in some nearly interview like questions that made Naruto laugh as Choji answered them honestly and Naruto knew they wouldn't approve because if he were on the outside looking in he himself would not approve. Choji let it slip that he had gotten drunk years ago on about ten long island iced teas and Naruto held back a face palm as Sakura's contact enhanced green eyes briefly met his blue ones. He hated her contact lenses by the way. The entire time he had known her she had brown eyes so it was hard getting used to the green. And don't get him started on the pink hair.

The visit ended with the movie and his family said their goodbyes and took the short trip home right around the corner. Choji rlaxed into the sectional with a sigh.

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting them to come." Naruto said in a blatant lie.

"It's cool. I thought I was gonna die when you told them to come up. I'm surprised he didn't do that whole 'if you hurt my sister' spiel."

"Nah we are an open and laid back family more or less. Plus I am 27 years old. By this point everyone is ready for me to find someone. You can't imagine how eager everyone has been about you since I am known as the lone ranger."

"Do you think they liked me?"

"Honestly I have no idea." Another lie among many now.

They retired to bed and Naruto was envious of just how quickly Choji could fall asleep while on average it took him between twenty minutes to half an hour to doze off if he wasn't exhausted beforehand. He grabbed his phone and shot Ru and quick message.

"What did you guys think about Choji?" he said anticipating the reply. Ru text back immediately.

"Well, I hate to tell you but we laughed all the way home and into the house."

Naruto stifled a chuckle.

"Tell me."

"Well dad now refers to him as the Michelin/pizza man and Sakura thinks that he is an alcoholic. Why did you look like you were naked when you came to the window?"

"I wasn't. Shut up."

"What were y'all doing before we showed up?"

"Goodnight, Ru - _-" Naruto set his alarm and tried to sleep with Choji hogging the bed and was upset to realize he wouldn't sleep as often happened when he slept with Choji and the sun would be rising in three hours.

That had all happened a week ago and no word yet from Choji. Naruto decided to let his plump man set the pace for how often they spoke since he was sick of waiting to get responses. He could send Choji a text and would get a response hours later, a day later, or no response at all.

He was getting disillusioned with the relationship just as he was with the cyber relationship with the homeless guy he hadn't heard from again. The only difference is that in this relationship with Choji he was physically invested which forced him to be emotionally invested as well. Someone's first was special and never forgotten. Choji had a part of Naruto that was precious and he could never get it back no matter how badly he wished he could. Then again many bottoms and females wish the same; that they had waited or that they had chosen a different guy. The difference is that Naruto HAD waited. He waited until he was nearly 28 to give himself to someone but it seemed that it didn't make a difference. He had chosen the wrong man and he was stuck with him. He still had the notion that he wanted to only share himself with one man and if things didn't work out with Choji that idea was totally obliterated. With a sigh, he searched through Sasuke's previous messages and fished for his cell number. Finding it he keyed it into his phone and sent him a text message.

"Teme."

This was breaking new ground since Sasuke had never gotten Naruto's number. But it was time to make a change. Sasuke was too fun to talk to to pass up the opportunity. Plus he and TenTen had been distant lately since he himself was dating and she had been distracted having problems with her boyfriend, so having another friend to converse with would take the edge off. His phone beeped with a new text.

"Naruto is that you?"

"Yeah, who else calls you Teme."

"Only the blond Dobe of course. What made you finally text me?"

"Temporary insanity."

"Lol what r u up 2?"

"Reflecting on my cesspool of a life."

"Ah, is Whole Milk giving you problems again?"

"Lol don't call him that."

"You called him that first."

"I was angry at the time."

"He makes you angry a lot I see."

"Isn't that how relationships are supposed to be?"

"To an extent. He upsets you more than he should."

"He's not really doing anything."

"Exactly. And him doing nothing is what is making you doubt him."

"He is doing what he can."

"…Is he?"

"….."

"When's the last time he contacted u?"

"Bout a week ago."

"-_-"

"He's probably busy."

"Too busy for the man he 'loves'?"

"He sleeps a lot."

"Stop making excuses for him."

"I am his boyfriend. I am trying to be good to him."

"You are TOO good for him."

"… idk."

There was a minute of stillness.

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"I'm not in Pennsylvania right now?"

"Where are you then?"

"I am back home visiting my mom."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Another moment of silence.

"Can we hang out?"

"…I don't know. Choji won't like that."

"You told him about me and the fact that we are friends."

"Well, yeah but we are online friends. It's different. Plus he doesn't like you."

"Because I am competition."

"Lol no u aren't. U r my friend you jerk!"

"He is insecure because he isn't handling his business. If you were taken care of he wouldn't have to distrust u. I kno know you are loyal. But he is killing that bond u have with him with his negligence."

"I won't hurt him. He has been hurt before n I won't add to that."

"…is that the only reason? U won't be with me so u won't hurt him? Very selfless. I didn't hear u say u would stay with him cuz u love him."

Naruto hesitated.

"I DO love him."

"Really?"

"YES!"

"No need to get angry lol. We r just friends right? Are u not allowed to have friends?"

"It's not like that."

"Sounds like he is trying to control u."

"U r twisting things around!"

"I am just calling it how I c it. He doesn't want to work to keep u but he always wants u on call."

It wasn't that Naruto wasn't seeing a lot of the things that Sasuke was pointing out but he was embarrassed to admit that he was right. After waiting so long to pick a guy to be with his first pick was a bad one. How humiliating! But he still had his principles.

"HE HASN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG! He doesn't cheat. He doesn't hit me. It could be worse."

"Do u hear yourself?! It frustrates me to see a good uke cling to a seme that doesn't deserve them! I know you are a great guy and I wan happy with someone even if it turns out to not be me. I would be hurt if u were with someone else but I can't bear to c u waste yourself with a guy who don't seem to give a fuck about u."

"I get what you are saying, but I am trying to make this work. You know how I feel about my one guy rule."

"So you are willing to live the rest of your life in misery for this rule?"

"I can make the best of a less than ideal situation. I am trying to make this work."

"I don't know if I want to slap or kiss u. How stubborn can someone be?!"

"lol."

"Come hang out with me. I swear I won't try anything. We can watch movies."

"where are you anyways?"

"Im at the Marriott off the freeway on Middleton and Abbey."

"I know where that is."

"You work tonight right? Just come here when you get off in the morning. Choji don't even have to know."

"I will be exhausted and I will need a shower."

"Cool. Sleep and shower here."

Naruto tilted his head back against his headboard and shut his eyes. This was wrong. It wasn't cheating but it was wrong. Choji would not approve of this. But where the hell was he? What right did he have to tell Naruto anything?

"I will be there."

**A few hours later**

Naruto pressed against Kurenai's diaphragm harder trying to help her cough and dislodge the phlegm from her throat but was unsuccessful. The old woman complained of being unable to breath. It had been a long trying day with Kurenai whining and making demands on both Naruto and Jaraiya and his control was beginning to snap.

"I need to go to the hospital." Kurenai choked out. Naruto removed his pressing palms from her belly and placed his hands on his hips in thought. The hospital was a bad thing for him. Many times when his clients went to the hospital they didn't come out. Elderly people were fragile, generally gross and took forever to heal. With Kurenai's situation it may be a while before they discharge her if the ever did at all. If she ended up in a home then that was the end of Naruto's income and he would either have to find a new client or another job.

"Try to calm down Kurenai. Maybe some tea will help and I will rub your chest with Vapor rub to loosen it up."

"No. Call 911! Get Jaraiya!" she demanded as her withered chicken wing-like arm flung around jerkily.

Naruto sighed in resignation and knocked on the spare bedroom door. Jaraiya peeked his head out with a gruff 'yeah?'.

"Kurenai isn't breathing to well and insists that she needs an ambulance."

Jaraiya came out and walked into the master bedroom. Naruto went in the other direction to the den and began to gather his belongings before the excitement could begin. Jaraiya called the ambulance and his two daughters Betsy and Marlene letting them know the situation. In about twenty minutes a gurney was rolled into the apartment. Naruto called his boss and let him know the situation. He was instructed to make sure the family didn't need him and that he could go home and await further instructions.

Fucking great.

He watched from his car as Kurenai was put into the back of the ambulance and it wailed away to whatever hospital she was going to. She made this huge fuss about refusing to go to University hospital and he wasn't sure where they would take her. He didn't really care. He was suddenly depressed. Things always seemed to take turns for the worst with him and he was never surprised when it did.

He needed a distraction.

He pulled out his phone and shot Sasuke a text. It wasn't very late, around eight, and he wondered if he was busy.

"Hey u busy?"

"No y?"

"My old lady might die and I don't feel like driving home only to come there tomorrow. Wanna chill 4 awhile right now?"

"Yeah! Come on over."

"K. There in like 20."

Naruto put up a post on facebook as an afterthought saying "Chilling with my friend tonight" and began to make his way to the hotel.

It wasn't super easy to find. It was a smaller building nestled amongst others and he had to weave through a couple parking lots to get there. He text Sasuke saying he was outside and asked him to come down. He checked the mirror and made sure his nose and eyes were free of boogers. From his vantage point he could see anyone who entered or exited the hotel and he was more nervous than he had ever remembered being. His palms and armpits were sweaty and his heart was beating a mile a minute. He was meeting Sasuke at a hotel. It sounded sordid outside of context. On top of the normal anxiety he felt of meeting someone new, he had the added stress of how this wasn't fair to Choji. Granted he wasn't doing anything wrong but Choji would be upset if he knew. Hell if the roles were reverse Naruto would feel betrayed and hurt.

Sasuke came outside.

It couldn't be anyone but him. Those bangs, that pale skin and that 6'8 tall frame. He saw him spark up a cigarette and take a puff. Naruto wasn't a smoker and never would be. Of course, Choji partook in smoking weed on a regular basis which Naruto was cool with. In fact he preferred it since the tobacco made him cough and made his throat raw while marijuana didn't. He grabbed his messenger bag and climbed out of the car as smoothly as he could and made his way through the parking lot to the tall giant. Sasuke watched him approach and stubbed out the cigarette as he neared.

"Hey. I was wondering if you would change your mind." He said with a smirk.

"I almost did. Has anyone ever told you that you are freakishly tall?"

Sasuke chuckled and glanced away and Naruto found himself less nervous as he realized that Sasuke was shy. Very much so obviously.

"Yeah I get that a lot. You are tall too you know."

"Yeah but you make me feel short."

Sasuke shrugged meeting his eyes again before looking to his left.

"This restaurant here is pretty good. You hungry?"

Naruto looked over at the place.

"Phil the Fire? That's an interesting name."

"Yeah they got great chicken and waffles. Of course they got other stuff too."

"Yeah we can go. I got a few bucks."

Sasuke met his eyes again briefly and then looked away with a chuckle.

"Why would I offer it if I wasn't paying?"

"You know I don't let guys pay for me and how I feel about that."

"And you know that I am just offering as a friend. Come on we have been friends for months now. Nearly a year. Just let me pay for the meal and you can get the next one if it makes you feel better."

Naruto looked really hard at Sasuke mindful of the fact that he had to tilt his head back to do it. Sasuke's eyes would meet his for a moment, shift to glance around, and he would force them back only to repeat the motions. He obviously had issues with eye contact. Naruto guessed he was handsome but he wasn't sure. One thing Naruto learned about himself was that while he was dating one person he was immune to the passing charms of others. To see another man as sexy while he was dating Choji was wrong to him so he wouldn't really be able to tell if Sasuke was drop dead gorgeous until he was out of Choji's hold. He saw that Sasuke had soulful black eyes and artsy black hair but what really caught his eye were his fingers. They were long slender and beautiful. In a moment of boldness Naruto reached out and grabbed the pale hand. He placed his own palm against Sasuke's and marveled as Sasuke curved the tips of his fingers over the tops of his easily.

"Wow. You have alien hands." He exclaimed. Sasuke pulled his hand back and contorted his fingers jerkily and Naruto was reminded of the facehuggers from Aliens and nearly had a fearful reaction when Sasuke pressed the palm against his forehead and wrapped his fingers around his head. Naruto pulled back laughing and couldn't believe how comfortable he was. It felt as if they had been friends forever.

"So what else they serve at this place?" he asked as he began walking toward the restaurant. Sasuke's long legs fell into step.

"You will see."

It was so strange! It was the first time they had every met but they knew eachother intimately. They knew eachother's birthday, favorite colors, family member's names, favorite foods, pet peeves… it was almost uncanny. After months and months of online conversations it was as if Naruto was sitting and having a drink with an old friend that he had lunch with on a regular basis. There was no awkwardness and they never had to fish for topic of conversation. Naruto could say something and Sasuke would know what he was talking about without the need for a back story. It was perfect. But with a couple drinks in him Naruto was suspecting that he was talking too much but was helpless to stop it.

"Moegi said that you were a stalker HAHAHAHA!" he heard himself say and wished he hadn't said it. Sasuke's eyes traveled away thoughtfully as he mulled that over.

"It doesn't bother you that I was going out with her for a while does it?"

"Why should it? I mean she and I aren't friends-friends. More like acquaintances. Besides what difference does it make?" he said sipping his rum and coke. Sasuke gave him a level look.

"I don't want it to be a problem when you finally leave your lame as boyfriend and decide to give me a chance." He confessed. Naruto paused for half a beat before rolling his eyes.

"You are gonna have to let that idea go."

"I will never give up." Sasuke sounded so serious that Naruto almost believed him.

"Anyways aren't you still in love with your best friend?" Naruto asked popping a piece of popcorn chicken in his mouth. Sasuke made a sour face in consideration.

"He is making it kind of hard. He is one of those people who think it is an honor to be friends with them."

"Sounds like your mom."

"Yeah kinda."

"It makes sense to fall in love with someone who reminds you of your mother. You know, the whole Oedipus compex?"

"I am not a fan of my mom. We have…. Issues."

"I think it's natural to hate your parents to a certain extent. We are just expected to love them. They feel as if we owe them our lives since they birthed and raised us. Nevermind the fact that we didn't ask to be here. I always remind my mom of the fact that I was the last thing on her mind during my conception. She even told me the manner of which that came about actually." He said. Sasuke looked disgusted.

"Your mom tells you about her sex life?"

"My mom literally tells me everything. I don't know if it is because the chemo and radiation fried her brain or because she has no one else to talk to. Whatever the reason I am her living diary, business handler and reluctant slave in this life of misery and unending poverty. Remind me to thank her again for bringing me into this world."

Sasuke nodded sagely and reached for his own drink.

"It seems to me like you expect the worst out of life and resign yourself when things go to shit. Like relationships for example."

"Don't start."

"Hehehe I'm just sayin'."

"Whatever teme."

Sasuke shook his head and retrieved his debit card from the waitress after paying the bill.

"You ready to come up? I got _Case 39_ on my laptop and I haven't watched it yet."

"Oh it's awful. I will be happy to criticize and laugh at it with you."

"Cool."

The hotel room wasn't much to speak of but the bed was awesome. Naruto didn't realize that there was so much space in a king bed and he wondered why Choji's fat ass didn't have one. Since Sasuke had never seen the movie he was a little more engrossed in it than Naruto was and with his short attention span the blond was getting restless. He grabbed a penny that was sitting on the nightstand and chucked it as Sasuke hitting him in his slight Buddha belly. Sasuke glanced down at the penny, lazily picked it up prepping to throw it back. Naruto rolled off the side of the bed and took cover. He felt the bed shift as Sasuke leaned over and tossed the penny on his back. Naruto grabbed one of Sasuke's discarded socks and tossed it on his black head. The raven looked at him seemingly unamused before slowly reaching up for the sock. Naruto tried to run passed the bed and make a break for the safety of the bathroom. He made it inside as the sock hit the wall beside him and he locked the door from inside. He heard Sasuke shuffle around the room before coming to the door.

"You realize I can pick locks, right?" he threatened.

"What? No way!" Naruto declared in disbelief. A second later the lock on the knob popped up signaling that the door had been unlock. Sasuke turned the knob and began to open the door. Naruto squawked in surprised and launched himself at the door. There was a push battle and Sasuke seemed to not even be breaking a sweat as Naruto put all his weight against the door. Sasuke chuckled and began to push. Naruto's socks slid across the tile unable to find purchase. "Quit it Teme! I surrender!"

"Then open the door."

"No!" he said stubbornly. Sasuke just pushed the door another inch. In a last ditch effort, Naruto suddenly pulled back and Sasuke sprawled into the bathroom falling against the sink. "HA!" Naruto yelled in victory and jetted past Sasuke only to be tackled against the bed. They wrestled around animatedly. Sasuke used his weight advantage while Naruto used his flexibility to escape Sasuke's holds. Sasuke laid himself against Naruto's back pinning him face first to the mattress. Naruto pressed his hands against the bed and jerked up hauling Sasuke off his back.

"You're stronger than you look. Impressive." Sasuke said as he rolled to the side panting. Naruto feeling as if he hadn't really won gave Sasuke one last shove before collapsing next to him.

"Damn straight. And don't you forget it." He bragged. They turned back to the movie and Naruto wanted to check the time. He pulled out his phone and was shocked to see that it had died. He fished around in his bag and found the charge. "Hey where is an outlet around here?"

Sasuke sat up and helped him look finally finding one behind the bed. Naruto plugged in the phone and turned it on and was surprised to see three missed calls from Choji and five text message."

"Hey I miss you."

"Where are you?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"What friend are you with?"

"Hello?"

With a curse he looked over at Sasuke with an 'oh shit expresstion'.

"What's wrong?" the raven asked. Naruto handed Sasuke the phone. He watched as he scrolled through the messaged. "Looks like the pizza inhaler is a little upset. I guess he FINALLY remembered that he has a boyfriend." He said handing Naruto his phone back.

"I gotta call him. No don't turn down the tv! Just sit there and be quiet Teme."

Naruto called Choji's number and he immediately picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Panda!"

"Where have you been?"

"Hanging out with my friend."

"What friend? I saw TenTen respond to your status asking who you were with, so if you aren't with her then who is this friend?"

"….Sasuke."

"…ARE YOU FUCKIUNG KIDDING ME?!"

"No he is here visiting his mom and asked me to come over."

"I have been trying to contact you for three hours. Your phone has been turned off and you call to tell me that you are hanging out with some guy?!"

"Baby it's okay! We are just in his mom's livingroom watching movies." He lied smoothly. It amazed him how great of a liar this relationship was making him.

"No, this isn't cool! All I know is you have been with him all this time, I didn't know about it ahead of time, and your phone has been off. You can understand why I am upset, right?"

Naruto felt the guilt return tenfold.

"Yeah… you're right. I'm sorry baby. You want me to leave?"

"….no, that would make me an asshole to say you can't hang out with your friend."

"I'm sorry Choji."

"No, don't be sorry. I trust you, I just don't trust HIM."

"I promise he has been a perfect gentleman." He said glancing at Sasuke who nodded sarcastically.

"Ok, but just let that fucker know that if he tries anything, AND I MEAN ANYTHING… he's not making it back home to Pennsylvania."

"Wow, that's a bit much."

"Tell him."

"What?!"

"I want to hear you tell him that right now while I am listening!"

Naruto shifted in discomfort and looked at Sasuke with a nervous smile.

"Um… Choji wants you to know that… if you try anything…. You won't… make it back to Pennsylvania."

Sasuke just looked at him for a moment as if letting it soak in and naruto gave him a pleading look. He shook his head and stayed silent.

"He said 'he understands'."

"…Ok. I'm serious. You tell me if he tries anything, Naruto."

"Ok, I promise."

"Ok. I love you."

"I love you too, Bye."

"And let me know when you get home."

"Ok."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Naruto closed his phone and risked a glance at the still silent Sasuke. His brow was furrowed and his fingers drummed against his thigh in agitation. He then suddenly got up and started pacing the room.

"I'm sorry." Naruto offered timidly. Sasuke turned and looked at him seriously.

"You have no reason to be sorry." He insisted. Naruto looked down at his hands playing with his phone. "Wow, you see that? You see what he just did? You were so happy just two minutes ago and one phone call from that son of a bitch and you look miserable again."

"No, he was right. I shouldn't be doing this. If anything I should have told him."

"Yeah… get his permission right?"

"HE'S MY BOYFRIEND!"

"He doesn't deserve to be." His voice was calm and measured but Naruto could sense his agitation. "Who the fuck does he think he is threatening me?! I'm sorry, but if I ever meet your boyfriend I am kicking his ass."

"Then I just have to make sure you two don't meet then." Naruto got up and began getting his things together. "Look this was fun. We should hang out again."

"Oh so you are leaving because he tells you to?"

"He didn't tell me to, but I think I should go." He slid on his shoes and hoisted his bag on his shoulder. Sasuke looked at his distraught expression and relented.

"Ok I understand." He walked Naruto to the elevator. "Fucker would probably be out of breath after one swing." Naruto suppressed a chuckle. "I wouldn't even have to fight, just dodge the first couple punches and watch him have a damn heart attack." Naruto snickered. "Of course he does have the trump card of sitting on me…" Naruto burst out laughing as the elevator opened in the lobby. "I will just throw a piece of cake as a distraction and tackle him while he's eating it." Naruto didn't get himself under control until they reached the outside. "There's that smile. I couldn't let you leave here looking like a kicked kitten."

"You are an idiot you know that? And I am a horrible girlfriend for laughing as you verbally destroy my man."

"You can call him a lot of things but he isn't a man. A boy is more like it."

"Well he IS four years younger than us and still has that 'I have something to prove' mentality."

"I never had that even as a teenager."

"Well we can't all be Sasuke Uchiha can we?"

"True, true."

Naruto looked over his shoulder at his truck and realized that he really didn't want to leave. Sasuke's eyes met his briefly before doing the nervous glance away.

"Can I have a hug before you leave me and scamper back to him?"

"Now who is being dramatic?" Naruto said using jokes to hide his turmoil as he stepped forward and let Sasuke's long arms envelope him. He smelled different than Choji and the wrongness punched him in the face again. He pulled away with a smile. "I will text you later ok?"

"After you text him, right?'

"Would it make you feel better if I text you first?"

"Yes." He said petulantly. Naruto couldn't help but laugh.

"Fine. I will text you first then him.

"Okay. Be careful."

"Laters."

The drive home was uneventful. He shot Sasuke a text first, keeping his promise and then let Choji know he was home. Sasuke responded first with Choji coming in a close second.

"Lets hang out on you next off day." From Sasuke.

"I want to see you." From Choji.

Naruto felt like a toy being used in a tug of war between two children and knew that at some point he was going to have to choose.


	5. Chapter 5

_**I am absolutely remised that I totally forgot to mention my other two reviewers. KN-P and NaokoKami, I sincerely apologize that I neglected to mention you in my thanks. Each and every review matters and I hope you forgive the oversight. And Madidi of course my thanks go out to you. You share so much of yourself in your reviews and it warms my heart when I read them and it inspires me to share more of this "epic" story. Thank you all for your support. A writer is nothing without readers. Enjoy chapter five and remember, even though I have never met you, even though I do not know your real names, even though I may never sit down and have coffee with you, we have this story through which I share my heart. I love you all.**_

_**Now I am going to warn you guys that I jumped around quite a bit in this chapter. I leave timing between things somewhat vague sinec I can't fully remember when they took place. My memory of the things that happened are a bit fuzzy so I would just fast forward to the things I remember clearly. Please forgive the strange format. I made the transitions as smooth as I could. If there are any questions or you notice things that need elaboration let me know and I will try to fix it.**_

"What would you do if I hit you?"

For a moment Naruto wasn't sure he heard the question properly. It wasn't everyday that someone's boyfriend asked them such a question and to say that he was stunned by it would be an understatement. He looked at the round, pale, moon-like face, the slack lips and the wild Edward Cullen hair and answered instinctively.

"I would take out one of your kneecaps with a baseball bat." Was Naruto's honest reply. Actually, his mind first conjured up the image of throwing boiling hot grits on Choji or even kicking him as hard as possible in his balls multiple. Hell, even a gunshot to the forehead was a real possibility. To Naruto, to hit a loved one was an ultimate sin. Not to mention a seme hitting an uke. In his opinion, one was to walk away before things escalated to that point. Couples fought of course and no healthy relationship existed without arguments, but causing physical harm to one another was just deplorable. There were moments in which the blond was certain that he hated his boyfriend, that his face, voice and very presence was like acid to his system and he wanted nothing more that to be free of him. It had never occurred to him to actually carry out a violent thought on his person though and for Choji to ask him that set off alarms in Naruto's head. The relationship had been a little precarious recently and Naruto felt as if it had been his fault. He had sent Choji a breakup text the week before and refused to talk to him for a couple days. Of course, Sasuke had been thrilled and even text a celebratory booty dance. Obviously, it didn't come to much since Choji had managed to talk himself back into Naruto's good graces claiming that he had cried and pined for Naruto like a Shakespearian character. He made himself out to be the victim to his friends and told the blond that they had lost all respect for him. Naruto didn't see why he should care. He had only met one of Choji's friends and he couldn't say in honesty that he had liked her. One could imagine Sasuke's chagrin at having learned that they were back together. He sulked for days and was ignoring his texts. Naruto's attempt to leave Choji had been a total bust. He knew that it was low to send someone a break up text but he was sure that the pudgy man would pour honey in his ears and keep him from leaving so it was done for his own protection. Turns out he was right. Choji had convinced him to talk to him and before he knew it they were both apologizing and swearing love. He felt absolutely pathetic. But since the reunion things had been awkward in ways they weren't before. There was a mutual distrust which had only been one sided before and Naruto felt Choji was valid in his concern. He didn't even know why he agreed to get back together. Guilt? A lot of the things that Sasuke pointed out about Choji before began to make more and more sense to the blond especially the idea that Choji wanted to control him So, the question of what Naruto would do if he hit him really shouldn't have been that surprising.

Nonetheless, Choji was less than thrilled at his response.

"A bat?! Really? That's a bit extreme! I'd think that you would just hit me back. I'd be impressed if you managed to make me bleed with those soft hands. But a bat?! That shit is crazy. Hell, I think even your family would agree with me."

At that Naruto had to take a deep calming breath. This could easily turn into a fight and he wasn't exactly sure how much more of this big moron he could take.

I am sure you are wondering how we got here. Here's what happened…

After the whole Choji threatening to kill Sasuke fiasco, Naruto had decided to take a step back from Sasuke and better put his attentions and energy toward Choji. He was his boyfriend after all and he deserved to have priority. Choji had cooled down after a couple days but seemed to keep the situation in mind for later discussion and Naruto was intelligent enough to know that the subject wasn't closed by a long shot. Text messages had increased and Naruto felt that maybe the fear of him leaving had given Choji the push he needed to realize that he should pay his uke more attention.

Kurenai had been admitted to the hospital much to Naruto's chagrin, but what he hadn't expected was that he and the other care workers were expected to sit in her room with her and keep her company… for the full twelve hour shift. To anyone who has spent time sitting with someone in a hospital they would know how deadly boring it could be. Not to mention uncomfortable and unsanitary. The only saving grace with the situation was that Naruto didn't have to do anything. If Kurenai needed a diaper change a nurse's assistant was paged. If she was hungry a meal was brought. When she fell asleep Naruto would take a walk through the halls (which didn't provide much stimulation but it was better than nothing). At this moment, he was sending Choji a message telling how hopelessly bored he was and that he wished that they were together. He would slow his pace to look critically at the "art" that covered the walls. A moody group of trees on a foggy plain, a butterfly on a rose, a highly magnified bone cell and other hospital décor put up in the hopeless attempt to make one forget that they were in a hospital. Having stretched his legs, he made his way to the snack machines. Of course with America being all preachy about healthy eating they only had baked chips, trail mix and diet sodas available. Did they not know that diet soda was just as bad and regular and may even cause depression? He passed up the machines and made his way back to Kurenai's room.

He steadied himself hoping that she would still be asleep as he walked through the door. He found her fumbling with the call light and struggling on a cough, her breath wheezing in shallowly as her beady eyes fixed on him almost accusingly. He sped walked over to her bedside and pressed his hands against her abdomen and pushed to help release the phlegm. He had become even more skeptical about doing this since her doctor had told them that it was possibly causing more harm than good by bruising her insides and could lead to fractured ribs and harmed organs. Kurenai of course told the doctor that he didn't know what he was doing and insisted that she was ready to go home. Fortunately, she couldn't get anywhere without someone carrying her or pushing her in a wheelchair so she was reduced to complaining in the hospital bed small, withered and pitiful constantly saying "I'm so sick, I'm so sick" every five minutes. It was a sad affair and Naruto only found himself sympathetic to her family. Kurenai's two daughters and Jiraiya would sit dutifully in the hard, straight back chairs provide for visitors and listen to her complain about the bad, overly healthy food and how no one there knew anything and always supplied helpful reminders of how sick she was. She was given a machine with a face mask attachment as needed with doses of albuterol to help her breath which she insisted did not work. In light of this absolute misery on behalf of the workers and overworked families Naruto found himself wondering why the elderly weren't just put to sleep. No, not the one's who were still able to greet at Walmart and only suffered the depression that came with realizing that one was old and that they were more tolerated than needed. He meant the people that he worked with for the past ten years. The invalids, the demented and the unnecessary. Those who had to be changed and fed and locked into their homes with dead bolts lest they walk out in the middle of winter and forget that their frail bodies would freeze. He didn't know if he had become bitter or if life experiences had made him harder as it often did, but he didn't see why this old woman dying would be a bad thing outside of the fact that he would have no source of income. Living just for the sole purpose of waiting to die was a misery that he didn't want to imagine and he couldn't rationalize the amount of money it hemorrhaged from both families and the government to keep them alive and comfortable. Especially since many of these people didn't like the homes their families put them in, was sad beyond hope and couldn't do the basic necessities of living. People would think Naruto cruel, but in his eyes it all seemed like expensive suffering and a fate worse than death.

He was brought out of his musings as he saw that Kurenai was turning blue. He pressed the call light and continued trying to help her cough. A nurse rushed in as a machine by the bed began to beep. She hurriedly pressed a red button behind the bed and called out a need for assistance. Naruto pulled away and watched as about ten people in white and colored scrubs rushed in, some assisting and some just watching. He tilted his head to the side and watched passively as the old woman turned an interesting shade of icy blue, her mouth opened, withered hand twitching and her frightened brown eyes meeting his own before closing in unconsciousness. A tube was forced down her throat and Naruto glanced at the others there only slightly surprised to see nurse assistants talking calmly at the door about everything else but what was happening in the room. He would have been more shocked had he himself felt the slightest bit of excitement or distress. This was a hospital. People died everyday in hospitals and this was probably just an average day occurance for them. For himself in this line of work he was aware that death hovered constantly light an egg sitting on the edge of a table. The elderly were fragile and the slightest bump could topple them over and leave an eggy mess that health workers had to clean up. He expected it would end like this. His job was always about borrowed time. His job was about keeping them as comfortable as possible before the end. To people who were on the outside looking in, or those who weren't yet jaded by the work it was seen as an honor and a rewarding line of work that only special people were able to do. But watching someone die always takes something away from you even if you make the decision to not get attached or even if the person was bitter and unkind. 

Watching death was a constant reminder that one day you will die too and that if you get old enough your body will begin to wither like a cut flower and your mind will start to abandon you. Your family will take care of you out of a dutiful love and hidden resentment like a teen mother tending to an unwanted child. Some elderly feel entitled to that duty having had their children in the hope of having someone to take care of them in their golden years and others will feel like a burden and want nothing more than to sit to the side and not be a bother. Either way it brings with it a certain passive misery that makes death seem more like the salvation than the enemy.

Naruto pulled out his cell phone sending a text to Kurenai's daughter Betsy and to his boss.

The old lady had fallen into a coma.

The family arrived minutes later trying to make sense of the situation. No one was crying or hysterical. It wasn't like an episode of ER or House. There was a quiet acceptance of what happened. The family spoke with the doctor about their options, sat with Kurenai for a moment and returned home leaving Naruto to his vigil. No matter, his shift was ending in three hours anyways. He briefly entertained the thought that the old bat would wake up and be just as obnoxious as she had always been and probably more so with being able to claim bragging rights of beating death, but he was extremely doubtful of the odds of that happening. Kurenai had been adamant about not wanting to be on life support should anything happen to her and yet here she was on a machine forcing her to breath. Naruto walked over to the bedside and petted the sparse, mousy brown hairs on her head with a serene smile. He liked her this quiet. He walked over adjoining bathroom, wet a cloth and returned back to her side to wipe the crust from her eye. He was torn between selfishly wanting her to die and never hearing that voice again or selfishly wanting her to live to pay for his livelihood. He was aware that it was selfish but he didn't care. He was paid to be here. They weren't friends. He didn't call this woman on his off days to ask how she was doing. He never wanted to have dinner or see a movie with her. She was a client, and a mean and spoiled one at that. She was eighty seven years old and it looked like it was time. He sat down, taking his silent vigil at the window seat and grabbed the remote attached to her bed changing the channel and turning up the television. No need to worry about waking her now.

He looked at his phone and saw that Choji was requesting that he come visit when he got off. To be totally honest it was the last thing that Naruto wanted to do. He wanted to go home, shower and sleep all the next day. But he had a responsibility to his boyfriend and they needed to reconnect. So when his coworker arrived to relieve him, they exchanged pleasantries, he explained the situation, he drove home for a quick shower and then made the long drive out to Choji's.

After another disappointing sex session, Choji dropped an unexpected surprise. He wanted to introduce Naruto to his parents. Now the blond had met Choji's brother and his dad whom he had passed in the back yard on some occasions. The old man's body language and reluctant 'hello' to Naruto's greeting made it abundantly clear that that Mr. Akimichi was less than interested in meeting. Not to mention that weeks ago Choji told him that he and his dad had a physical altercation about him dating a "fucking chink one drop nigger faggot" so it was obviously as to why Naruto was very reluctant. But he obediently followed as Choji took him by the hand and guided him to the other side of the duplex. His senses were immediately assaulted by the haze of cigarette smoke. Mrs. Akimichi was sitting in a recliner playing candy crush on her phone while Mr. Akimichi had his back facing them as he faced the computer.

"Mom, dad, this is Naruto."

"Just a minute honey." Mrs. Akimichi said, not looking up from her phone. Choji heaved and impatient sigh.

"I am trying to introduce you to my boyfriend, mom."

"Just gimme a minute, Cho!"

Naruto was extremely uncomfortable and felt a panic attack coming. Choji's nieces came into the livingroom eyeing him curiously as they sat on the sofa, and old dog came in and licked at naruto's hand, and Mr. Akimichi hadn't turned around. Feeling Choji's anger he decided to try to disperse the tension.

"Just give her a minute Choji she is kicking ass on her game." He said with forced ease and humor. At this Choji's mom turned and smiled putting down her phone. She gave Naruto a friendly once over and reached over for a handshake never getting up from the chair.

"Hello, dear. I have heard a lot about you. So glad to finally meet you."

"Nice to meet you too." He said shaking her hand cordially. "Hello Mr. Akimichi." He greeted trying to keep the peace.

"…Hi." He replied still facing the computer. Choji guided Naruto toward the couch. The two little girls scooted over to the side to allow them room.

"These are my nieces Eliana and Macy and this is my dog Angie." He introduced as an afterthought. Naruto leaned forward to look at the girls past Cho's wide form. Eliana rich brown hair framed her pale round face in a short chocolate bob. Her brown eyes sparkled in the lamp light and her rosy lips stretched in a toothy smile. Her adolescent body was round and her budding bosom didn't yet reach out past her pudgy belly. Macy was thin and slight with blue eyes darker than his own and was framed by straight cut bangs. Her honey blond hair fell just so the soft messy ringlets tickled her shoulders. Naruto was privy to the information that Macy's mother, Choji's sister, was the black sheep of the family. She had left Macy with Mrs. Akimichi to run off and live with her African American lover no doubt the spark that fueled the racist date debate between Choji and his father

"Hello little ladies. How old are you."

"I am thirteen." said Eliana.

"I am nine." Said Macy.

"Wow you are practically grownups!" Naruto said and was both pleased and chagrinned that they weren't the shy types. Shy children tended to leave him alone and prefer to play with their toys alone while engaging ones always wanted to be friends but Naruto wasn't exactly kid oriented. He always found it awkward trying to carry a conversation with them and usually let them talk while nodding and adding the occasional "wooowww" to show he was listening. The girls giggled at being called grownups and began to tell him about school and other crap kids thought was important.

Choji got up to use the bathroom and Naruto found himself alone with a room of strangers.

Breath Naruto, just breath.

Mrs. Akimichi asked how old he was and he was nearly embarrassed to say since he was four years older than her son but she either had a great poker face or she sincerely didn't care. He was asked about his line of work and where he lived, just the basic 'getting to know you' stuff. He was dismayed to see that Mr. Akimichi was still ignoring his presence and found himself becoming more agitated than nervous. He couldn't tolerate the notion of someone thinking he was so far beneath them that he was not worthy of civil conversation. He glanced around the man and looked at the computer screen and saw that he was watching an old black and white video of The Temptations.

"Hey is that the Temptations? My parents used to play their music all the time when I was growing up." He said extending and olive branch and hoping for some sort of acknowledgement.

"….Yeah. You know them?" Mr. Akimich replied a little reluctantly.

"Oh, yeah! Anyone worth their salt is hip to The Temptations. I was exposed to all the older music coming up. My parents used to throw parties in our basement and they kept the record player going nonstop."

Mr. Akimich spared a brief glance over his shoulder.

"You know Phil Collins?"

"Of course! _I can feel it, coooming in the aiiiir toniiiight, oh Loooord" _Naruto sang off key using comedy to his advantage as his usual defense mechanism. He was pleased when Mr. Akimich's shoulders shook in a silent, quick huff of laughter while Mr.s Akimichi and the children laughed freely at his comedian antics. Choji came back in looking surprised that everyone had grown more at ease since his departure and seemed to be wondering what happened since he had left. Mr. Akimichi shot a quick glance at his son got up without a work and retreating down the hallway and to the back rooms and Naruto wasn't sure if it was himself or Choji that he had the problem with. Naruto was irritated when rather than sitting back next to him on the sofa Choji took his father's place at the computer and began surfing the web without a word. Dysfunction much? Mrs. Akimichi flipped the station and stopped on _How I Met You Mother_. Choji glanced up at the television and turned back to the computer.

"I haven't gotten to this episode yet on Hulu. Can you change the channel?" he said to his mother.

"But I want to watch this."

"Mom, I don't want any spoilers! All I'm asking is that you watch something else. Can you have that much respect for me?!" Choji said gesturing angrily. Mrs. Akimichi sighed and changed the station settling on _Grey's Anatomy_. Naruto wasn't sure if the room was this tense or if he wsa imagining it but he was extremely uncomfortable. Mrs. Akimichi and the girls conversed with him politely between silences and they alternated between watching the television and talking. Choji would toss in a thought every now and then. His father came back into the kitchen and grabbed a beer. He stopped on his way back glancing at Naruto.

"Do you eat a lot of rice? I heard Asians fill up on rice." He asked.

Naruto was mortified and the only saving grace was that Mr. Akimichi seemed genuinely curious.

"I eat about as much rice as anyone else, sir. I'd rather a cheeseburger anyday."

Mr. Akimichi gave a pleased half smile and seemed to have another thought. Naruto braced himself.

"Now I'm not trying to be prejudice or anything but I always wondered… wait you're part black right?" Naruto nodded. "Do you favor perch?"

"…perch?"

"Yeah the fish."

At this Choji chimed in.

"He's not your garden variety ethic dude, Dad. He's fuckin' whiter than I am. He listens to Evanescence for fuck sake."

Mr. Akimichi shrugged, took a swig of his beer and retreated back down the hall and Naruto was glad to see him go. Things returned to their awkwardly forced conversation as it was before.

That's when things began to go down hill…

Naruto wasn't sure how it happened, but he found himself wanting to implode on himself and disappear as Choji and his mother argued loudly back and forth. It had snowballed from Naruto making an observation about how Choji cursed like a drunken sailor in front of his mother and how he couldn't do that in front of his own parents having been raised with the occasional spanking and learning that parents were to be respected or there were consequences. Choji snorted a laugh saying that his parents didn't believe in spankings and made the excuse that they cursed as much as he did around him so he had every right to do the same lest they be hypocrites. Mrs. Akimichi was incensed saying that she agreed with Naruto and that Choji should show her more respect. Then somehow some stupid debate about the origin of fire emerged and Naruto just wanted to go home.

"God didn't make fire, man did!"Choji argued and Naruto was getting a headache.

"He was in the burning bush, Choji!" his mother shot back. Was this really how their family communicated? Naruto's shock must have been evident since little Eliana scooted over toward him and whispered in his ear informing him that Choji loved to argue and in fact argued with everybody whenever given the chance. Bad move. Choji had caught sight of his niece whispering into his boyfriend's ear and was immediately on the defensive.

"What was that, Eliana?" he asked angrily. The little girl took in his angry expression and she began to fidget wringing her hands, her shoulders shot up to her ears and her expression contrite and fearful. Naruto felt his heart bleed at the sight.

"She didn't say anything, leave her alone Choji." Naruto tried to intervene.

"No, don't you encourage her! If she has something to say she can say it to my face! What did you say Eliana?" Choji demanded. The girl wrung her hands more and looked to her grandmother for help but Mrs. Akimichi just looked at her expecting a reply. Little Macy sat wide eyed and still next to her sister. Naruto had enough.

"Dude, she's just a kid. Leave her alone."

"A kid?! She is thirteen years old, she's not a fucking kid! I lived my whole life with people putting me down and talking behind my back and I am not taking it from her. Eliana go to your room." Eliana quickly got up relieved for the chance of escape and ran down the hall into her and Macy's room with her little sister hot on her heels. Naruto's felt hot on the inside yet his skin felt cold as if he had been reverse microwaved. At that point Mrs. Akimich decided that she was tired. They said their goodnights and Choji and Naruto returned to the other side of the duplex. Naruto sat silently in the dining chair that was graciously sat next to Choji's seat so that he wouldn't have to sit on the floor as usual. He was sitting next to the door leading out the front porch so Naruto still wasn't free from freezing even though he was grateful that wasn't in front of the fan. He grew even more angry when Choji turned on Netflix and began watching _The Wonder Years_ and without bothering to ask if Naruto had a preference on what to watch. He hated that show coming up and was sure he would deplore it now. As he bit his tongue and tried to curb his anger he felt Choji's eyes on him.

"What's wrong with you? You are all quiet and you seem cranky."

"Do I?"

"Yeah, you ok."

"….yeah. Just tired. I'm going to bed."

That night Naruto was glad that they had already had sex when he arrived since there was no way that he could stomach letting Choji touch him after that disgusting display with his family. Hours later he felt Choji get in the bed curling his large form against his back.

"Hey you know what you should do? You should move over. You're talking up too much of the bed."

Naruto shuffled over to the edge of the bed again keeping his back to Choji and shivered wide awake through the night even though he wanted nothing more than to sleep as Choji breathed sleepily in the cold air of the fan behind him.

The next morning Naruto was up with the sun. Before he would lay next to Choji while he slept just wanting to be near him while he could with what little time they spent together but there had been a shift in the relationship. Naruto was at the point where he didn't care if he was next to Choji when he woke up and morning kisses and cuddles meant very little to him. He had commandeered Choji's chair and was watching Family Guy on Netflix. The cushions had been worn down and flattened from Choji's weight and he could feel the wood and springs digging into his thighs and buttocks. Just before ten o'clock he heard Choji stirring in bed and heard him grunt and the bed crunched as it usually did under the stress of pulling his large form as he sat up to roll out of bed. He waddled down the hall scratching at his belly.

"How long you been up?" he asked the blond.

"I dunno. A few hours."

"Why didn't you stay in bed with me?"

"I was ready to get up."

They conversed for a while and Choji brought up the topic of arguments saying that they didn't fight much. Naruto confessed that he just never had the energy to fight with Choji. Then it was asked…

"What would you do if I hit you?"

Even after having replied and having a moment to collect his thoughts, his cool was lost again after Choji made the stupid debate that "Even your family would agree with me on this".

"You don't even know my family." Naruto responded with quietly brewing fury.

"I don't have to. You are being stupid right now."

"Whatever." It was pointless. Naruto had made the discovery that arguing with an idiot was like trying to swim against a current. After all the effort and work he would always find himself out to sea and ready to surrender and drown. He forced his face to be unexpressive as he got up and stretched announcing that it was time for him to go home. They were silent as Naruto gathered his things and slipped on his coat and shoes.

"Are you mad at me?" came the question that Naruto was tired of answering.

"There's no point in being mad at you, Cho." He said at the door looking at Choji down the hall in his chair. Choji mulled that over for a second.

"Are you happy with me? I feel like we are getting distant and I really don't want to lose you. You are my world, Naruto." He said sadly. Naruto didn't feel anything at the kicked puppy expression and decided to tell a half truth.

"I'm happier with you than I would be without you." He said and then walked out the door. He got in his car and began driving back home for which he was doubly happy since sometimes he had a hard time getting a cell signal out there and often didn't get any messages until he neared his apartment. As he made the halfway point home his phone beep in a text notification. Risking a car crash he glanced down at the text seeing it was from his boss.

"Naru, Kurenai died this morning."

DAMMIT!

Days passed and the depression of being jobless was extreme. Choji had been silent again and it seemed Sasuke had been giving him space after Choji's discovery of them hanging out. He felt so alone. Not to mention the fact that his mother was in the hospital for an overdose on Dilantin. He had gone to visit her that day and found her in bed so weak and feeble. He had to practically dress her and nearly carry her down the stairs and to his truck to drive her to emergency. He was thankful that it wasn't anything serious and that after a medication adjustment, a flush of the drug from her system and some physical therapy she would be fine. However, there was the added stress of finding her a home. It seemed that the bank had gotten tired of not receiving the mortgage payment and she was going to be evicted in about a week which didn't give Naruto and Kyuubi much time to pack. They were about half way through and since it was decided that there would be a definite downsize of living space that a lot of her things needed to be thrown out. Naruto had a feeling he wouldn't hear the end of it. Tsunade held on to things like a pack rat and it seemed to him that she had more junk than things of use. With only three days left to get her things out he didn't really have time to indulge in a pity party but the last thing he was going to do that day was leave his bed. With his entire world seeming to go to shit he was beyond tears and all he wanted was to do sit in his room in the dark and wallow in self pity. Oh, but don't be alarmed. Naruto is far from stupid. He could wallow and plan at the same time. Based on his calculations, he had just enough savings for food to survive for about two months. Two months was usually the length of time allotted before the landlord to his place would threaten eviction. His mother would be getting out of physical therapy soon and she received a government check every month. It was a miserly amount but it would be enough for both of them to get by. Until an apartment could be found for her, Naruto reached the conclusion that she could live with him. He could help her get back on her feet and she could help him financially.

In his one room apartment.

For an unforeseen amount of time.

He had a feeling that the living situation would end in murder or at least the crumble of their mother/son relationship.

She was going to drive him insane, of that he was certain. So, after a couple days worth of packing, storing the bulk of the things into Kyuubi's garage and getting her properly discharged things should be back on some kind of track.

Easy peasy.

He groaned as his phone beeped and he wondered what fresh hell it was. He was only slightly surprised to see it was a message from Sasuke.

"Hey. You been so quiet lately. Marshmellow Puff didn't murder you did he?"

Naruto didn't want to laugh but he had to. Sasuke always seemed to have that effect on him. He typed in a response.

"No but I think he passively threatened to hit me."

"…are you fucking serious?"

"Well he sort of asked what I would do if he did hit me."

"You wouldn't have to do anything. I'd beat the breaks off that obese asshole."

"LOL punching marshmellow fluff. I'm not sure he would even feel anything with that thick layer of protection."

"I'm trying to see this as funny but I can't. It's so not cool that he threatened you."

"It was more a question than a threat."

"He is trying to learn what he can get away with. What was your response to him?"

"That I'd take out his kneecap with a baseball bat."

"LMAO good boy."

"He said I was being stupid and overreacting and that even my family would agree with him."

"Please, please, please leave him."

"I want to but idk if I can. "

"Yeah and you let him in after he came crawling back. Are you that type of person that needs to be in a relationship?"

"What? No! I just still have that one guy thing and I don't want to hurt him."

"You are being irrational."

"Why have you been so quiet lately?"

"Way to change the subject. Anyways you started it. I have been busy though. I have been organizing my room since I moved in with my mom."

"Oh, so you are finally settled? That's cool."

"Yeah I even got hired down at the Marriott here so, yeah."

"I'm happy for you "

"Well don't be too happy. Me and my mom haven't been bosom companions since like ever."

"Then why move in with her?"

"I couldn't stay in Pennsylvania since finances have been a problem so I had to move back in."

"If you two are so at odds why did she let you move back in?"

"She wants me to help with the rent and to basically be her slave while I'm here."

"Lol good deal."

"Awww cheer up! Since my mom is moving in with me you can come visit."

"Why is she moving in with you?"

"Eviction. She's getting discharged from a physical therapy facility and she needs a temporary place until the paper work for some of the subsidized apartments we signed her up for goes through. Plus since my client died I need a little help with the rent."

"Well damn! Anything else you wanna catch me up on?"

"I met Cho's family. There's no way I could feel at home with them."

"How many signs do you need Dobe?"

"It can still work out."

"Not really."

"…"

"Gotta face the facts babe."

"Oh so now I'm 'Babe'?"

"Lol ur my Babe whether you know it or not."

"Choji would kill you."

"He could try."

"How dare you show up and ruin my pity party? I just wanna lie here in the dark and pout."

"Lol where's the fun in that?"

"It's not meant to be fun."

"So don't do it."

"You make it sound so easy."

"I can come over and cheer you up."

"Yeah sure. Just to cheer me up huh?"

"Was there something else you wanted me to do?"

"Like what?"

"I can make you feel things that he can't."

"…stop it."

"If you leave him I can give you everything that you need. I can pleasure you beyond anything you ever felt with him. And you would never have to wonder how I feel about you."

"This is wrong."

"Why?"

"I have a boyfriend."

"Who doesn't appreciate you. All you have to do is leave him."

"You have been barking up this tree for a year."

"Year and a half actually."

"I say you should turn your attentions on to your friend."

"What do you think I am doing?"

"No your other friend. The one you said you were in love with."

"I love him but I am not in love with him. Our relationship is just as it should be."

"The best relationships are built on friendship."

"That's why I am trying to be with you."

"You should be with him."

"I should be with you."

"HIM!"

"YOU!"

"(sigh)"

"Stop being so damn stubborn!"

"Says the pot to the kettle. Just give it up, dude."

"I told you, I will never give up on you."

Naruto smiled.

Tsunade had been living with him for two months since now. He had gone out to visit Choji twice and the big man refused to visit saying they couldn't have sex with his mother there. Sasuke seemed to be a little distracted but text regularly. Moving his mother in wasn't as big of a chore as he thought it would be. It was living with her that was a difficult as he thought it was going to be and beyond. On one hand, with her living with him he was able to take better care of her and be sure she had regular meals. On the other hand she was the biggest cry baby on the damn planet. It was always too cold, she was always too tired, she could never do anything without his help and he was beginning to stretch thinner than… something very thinly stretched. Naruto had decided to be a perfect son and gentleman and surrendered his bedroom to her and camped out in the livingroom on the sofa. His back and neck had never hurt so much but at least she was somewhat comfortable in his bed. She complained about being bored of being stuck in the bedroom since Naruto enjoyed his solitude and was no longer accustomed to living with her. With the two of them and the two cats living there it always felt too crowded and he was never in any hurry to get home. Thankfully he was kept busy even though the semester had ended. He stayed busy by spending time in the library filling out online applications and going to job interviews. He was in the kitchen preparing the beef stew she would just die if he didn't prepare when his phone rang.

"Hello?" he said into the receiver holding the phone between his cheek and shoulder while chopping onions and garlic.

"Hello, is Tsunade Uzumaki available?"

Naruto heard the bathroom door shut in the hall.

"Not at the moment. This is her son, can I take a message?"

"Oh, hello Mr. Uzumaki. This is Sarah and Beach Edge apartments. I am happy to inform you that an apartment is available to your mother and she can move in by the end of the week."

"Oh wow that's great! Can we come down and see the apartment?"

"Yes you can come tomorrow if you like."

"Great." The vapors from the onions were making his eyes burn. "What time can we come?"

"Anytime between 9 and 5."

"Ok great. We should be there early tomorrow."

"Ok see you then. Have a great day."

"Thanks you too. Bye." He hung up blinking hard trying to stop the burning as Tsunade hobbled into the kitchen.

"Mmmm that smells good. You cook like your mama." She said proudly. He rolled his eyes at the fact the she liked to take credit for anything and everything she could get away with. At one point she had even taken credit for beginning the fashion of women wearing sundresses.

"Great news, Mom. Beach Edge apartments has a place for you." He said happier than he had been in a while.

"Oh. I hope it's not on the first floor. Too easy to break in. I don't want it too high either. If the elevators go down I need to be able to take the stairs. I am not a huge fan of that neighborhood either." She groused grabbing a spoon and stirring the pot that Naruto had just finished stirring. A pet peeve of Naruto's was people throwing in the smallest amount of assistance just to say that they helped. Like waiting until after he finished baking the cake before offering to light the candles. He grabbed the spoon from her and put it back onto the stove and she frowned in confusion. "You don't let me do anything! I am wondering who the mother is here. And it's too messy here. I am tired of being stuck in the bedroom."

With every criticism that came out of her mouth Naruto felt his insides become tighter. He felt as if his intestines were fastened to a crank that with every turn would pull them more and more tense like violin strings. He looked at her in her red flannel pajama pants and grey sleep shirt, in that black satin bonnet on her peach fuzz covered head and he wanted to be free of her. At that moment if he never saw her again it would be too soon. He looked directly into her eyes and said with all seriousness…

"You are moving into that apartment, Mother, even if I have to throw your bony butt over my shoulder and drag you there kicking and screaming."

Her jaw dropped shocked and affronted.

"You just try to drag me outta here!" she threatened stubbornly. "I will get a belt and beat you black and blue! I brought you into the world boy, and I can take you out!" He took a step forward and reached out his hands threateningly. "Okay, okay!" she said but it was too late. He had already decided. He dug his fingers into her sides and tickled her mercilessly. They both hated being tickled. She laughed out loudly wiggling and twisting to get away. "Stop it, Naru!" she yelled. He pulled away with a self-satisfied smile. THAT'S how you win an argument with a family member. You don't threaten to hit them. Mom threats didn't count, though. She couldn't even open a jar of preserves without his help so any threat she made fell on deaf ears. She stomped off into the bedroom slamming the door and Naruto returned to beef stew.

"Love you too, you crazy old bat." He said to himself as he poured the onions into the pot. Vali's green eyes shined up at him begging for a sample of the meal. He touched the tip of his finger to the gravy covered stirring spoon and touched it to her cold, pink nose. She narrowed her eyes at his audacity and gave her head a shake in disapproval before licking off the tasty sauce. "Hey you asked for it you little brat." He said. Vali turned away flicking up her tail and went to the livingroom deciding to groom herself on the sunny windowsill. Shadow's golden eyes shined up at him from underneath the dining table wanting nothing to do with any of it.

Naruto just didn't get it. He and Kyuu had moved all of Tsunade's things in, they even grabbed her some dinner, she didn't have to lift a single finger! They had brought her to the apartment with everything in place. All the clothes hung and folded, all the groceries put away and she STILL had shit to complain about. Kyuu inhaled half of a hotdog while sitting on the couch and watching a movie while she complained about how much of her things were missing. The redhead didn't even nod along as his eyes fixed to the screen watching the fuzzy picture of the VHS tape on the fat back set. Naruto couldn't focus as the bed bound Denzel Washington and the young Angelina Jolie worked hard to solve the case and try to find the bone collector. Kyuubi had adopted the skill of blocking people out from years of being married to a whiny wife and watched the movie with total emersion. Naruto wondered if Kyuu was even tasting the hotdog he was distractedly inhaling and hoped the red headed buffoon would choke since he was stuck with listening to the incessant nagging.

"What happened to my pink suit?"

"It was a size 14, Mom."

"So?"

"You're a size 8."

"It doesn't matter. I made it fit! I just used a belt and safety pins! Where is my brown skirt?"

"Its…"

"Did Kakashi come and take it to give to his girlfriend?"

Naruto rubbed his temple.

"Mom, Dad doesn't want any of your things."

"Yeah, but he probably gave them to his whore."

"Dad doesn't care about any of your stuff. I donated it."

She stopped her ranting and turned to him with a frown.

"So you just came up in here and took my things away?!"

Oookay that's enough. They had been there for four hours helping her get settled and he was ready to go home. He yanked at Kyuubi's sleeve to get his attention. Kyuu startled out of tv land and stood up stretching his 6'4 frame with a big smile. He enveloped Tsunade in a hug and kissed her cheek.

"Don't be mad Mommy! We will come visit you tomorrow to make sure you are settled in." he promised. She looked at her oldest son and smiled. In her eyes Kyuu could do no wrong.

"Okay baby. Thank you. But you shouldn't have let your brother give my things away."

Naruto rolled his eyes. He impatiently leaned in and gave his mom a kiss.

"See you, Ma." He said following his big brother out the door. She leaned out the apartment watching them walk down the hall yelling she loved them as they got on the elevator. Naruto leaned against the wall of the elevator as they went down and puffed his cheeks with air before blowing it out slowly and glaring at his smirking brother.

"Dude that's YOUR mom." He said huffily.

"Hehe, nah she's YOUR mom. I came from a cabbage patch."

"You are just like her. All happy-go-lucky and smiley with people."

"Not everyone can be as mean and evil as you are."

"I am neither mean nor evil."

"Whatever, bro. Look, you are even frowning now." Kyuu pointed out with a grin. Naruto turned away without a response as the doors opened allowing them entrance to the lobby. The lazy security guard waved them goodbye barely looking up from his intense conversation about basketball with one of the residents. Naruto gave a curt nod and Kyuu chirped out a "Have a good one!" and they were out the door.

Naruto was exhausted as he entered his apartment and kicked off his shoes. He hated moving especially when it was someone else's stuff. Pile on the fact that mom was spoiled beyond repair and he was done with people for the day. He shrugged off his coat and laid in on his chair too tired to even consider hanging it in the closet. He plopped down on the sectional with a lustful sigh as relief sank into his limbs.

BEEP!

"Dammit!" he cursed tapping at his pockets for the phone.

BEEP!

It came from his coat way across the room. He had a mind to let it go. Before he would usually jump at the phone thinking it may be Choji but if it was the fat bastard he could stand to wait until Naruto felt like texting him. Then again it could be Kyuu with a message about their mom. Maybe she had fallen and couldn't get up. Naruto forced himself up with the drama of a dying man and dragged himself to his phone flipping it open in irritation.

"Hey."

A text from Sasuke. Naruto damned him for making him smile with a one word text.

"Hey, Teme. 'Sup?"

"I am going to kill my mom if I don't get out of here for a while. Is it weird of me to ask if I can come over?"

Naruto suddenly realized he wasn't as tired as he thought. But if Choji found out…

"Idk. I don't think you are allowed over here."

"Fuck him. I bet he has friends over."

"He has only mentioned it once to me but I'm sure he has friends over. I just don't care if he tells me."

"Then you shouldn't care if he gets mad."

"I can't help but notice how your logic always works in your best interest."

"I'm an opportunist, so sue me. C'mon lemme come over! The next bus leaves in ten minutes."

"Oh yeah I forgot that you are a lowly pedestrian."

"Lol fuck you, Dobe."

"You wish."

"You know I do."

"(blush)"

"I bet you are beautiful when you blush."

"This is counterproductive to your attempting to convince me to let you come over."

"Lol you know I will behave."

"You'd better."

"So that's a yes?"

"….yes."

"Leaving out now. I should be there in an hour. "

"Ok cool. Will you be hungry when you get here?"

"I'm always hungry."

"You are a giant and giants need to eat."

"Lol."

"No seriously, you are super tall for no reason."

"Yeah I get that a lot. What's for dinner?"

"I'm thinking spaghetti if you like sausage."

"Sausage is the best thing ever. I can inhale me some sausage."

"Spaghetti it is then."

"Yes! On my way."

"Okay laters."

"Laters."

Naruto tossed the phone on the couch and practically skipped into his small kitchen. With a sudden burst of energy and joy he began chopping onions, bell peppers and the tomato he didn't want to go bad. He tossed them into a skillet with a small shot of olive oil and began to sauté them with minced garlic. He sliced open a pack of sausage and let it all cook together cleaning up as he went. Thank goodness the place was already neat. He let the meat brown before draining the meat and veggie concoction and then poured on a hefty amount of marinara before setting the spaghetti to boil and popping in the garlic bread on low heat. By the time everything was done he was glad to see that he still had half an hour to kill. Vali sat on the threshold of the kitchen and belted out a loud curious meow. He glanced down at her in both adoration and irritation.

"What the hell do you want, you silly brat?"

"Meow!"

"You don't like spaghetti."

"Merrooww meow!"

"Fine." He relented dabbing his finger into the sauce and touching it to her nose. She did her usual reaction of narrowing her eyes at him and shaking her head before licking it off. She gave him a green glare that could shoot lasers and she made a hacking sound of distaste. "Serves you right you little bastard."

"Meow!" she turned away and trotted into the bedroom. He caught sight of Shadow stretched out like an African queen on the couch.

"You want some, too?" he taunted. The black cat merely looked at him for a moment before closing her eyes in relaxed contentment. Naruto sighed and shook his head. "I will rid myself of the both of you. Useless furballs." Shadow cracked open one eye and stood up stretch, arching her back and tail and standing on the tips of her paws giving her the look of a cliché Halloween black cat cutout. She repositioned and curled up on her side to sleep covering her face with her tail. "Oh, don't offer to help or anything Your Magesty." She flicked an ear in the slightest acknowledgement and began to snore softly. He had just enough time to do a quick wash up and shirt change. He decided to wear his dark blue t-shirt with the swirling brown designs on the front and kept on his khaki carpenter pants. He and Shadow both jumped at the sudden buzzing sound of the doorbell. The cat beat a hasty retreat underneath the sofa as he trotted to the door to buzz Sasuke in. He couldn't deny that he was excited although he doubted that Shadow felt the same. He unlocked the door and pulled it open as he heard approaching footsteps. The tall raven stepped into the room and gave Naruto a boyish half smirk.

"Long time no see, Dobe." He said. Naruto closed the door as he came in and smiled.

"Well by right you shouldn't even be here, Teme." He reminded. Sasuke sat down his laptop bag and shrugged off his coat. Seeing Naruto's coat resting on the chair he just draped his on top of it. He wore a black thermal top with the long sleeves pulled halfway up his forearms and Naruto was able to see they were donning black and red Japanese style tattoos. His legs were covered with a baggy pair of black sweats. He pulled off his grey beanie and sat it on top of his coat letting his bangs fall forward into his face before tucking one side behind his ear. It was then that Naruto notice something he hadn't before.

"Dude, what's with your ears?" he asked as he stepped closer and leaned in for a closer look. Sasuke reached a hand up and flicked his ear in reflex.

"Oh, these are gauges. You probably didn't notice before with my hair in the way." He stood still and let Naruto have a look. What used to be regular earlobe piercings had been stretched and widened so nickel sized black hoops were placed there and you could see straight through to Sasuke's pale neck. He glanced to Sasuke's eyes and noticed he was staring. Embarrassed at being caught Sasuke looked away.

"Well, those are… different." Naruto said.

"Yeah they aren't for everybody." Sasuke said with a shrug. "I started stretching them sometime last year. If you do it too quick it can rip your ears." He laughed at the grossed out face the blond made and was slightly startled to feel a brush against his leg. Sasuke looked down and saw a green pair of eyes staring up at him. He bent down with a smile and picked up the furry attention seeker. "Let me guess, you must be Vali."

"Meow, puuurrrrrrr."

Sasuke held the cat like a baby against his chest, her pink paws sticking up in the air. He used his free hand to pet her belly and Vali was in heaven. Naruto leaned in and rubbed his finger against the pad of one of her back paws and they both fawned over her for a moment.

"And where is the black beauty?" Sasuke asked shooting a quick look around.

"She ran under the couch as soon as you rang the bell."

"Ah, of course. You mentioned that she was fearful of strangers. I will earn her trust."

"It's nice to be around a fellow cat lover." He said to the raven.

"Yeah cats are awesome. Never trust people who don't like cats." He left Vali down and she cried in disappointment. Sasuke chuckled at her cuteness and brushed the shedding fur off his chest.

"Well if you are ready to eat the spaghettis done."

Oh ho my God yes. Can I wash my hands first?"

"Yeah I can imagine how gross the bus is with it being full of peasants." He said giving Sasuke a saucy smile. Sasuke stopped midstep and gave him a look.

"You calling me a peasant, Uzumaki?"

"If the peasant top fits."

"I'm not a peasant, damn you." He said slightly offended. Naruto couldn't resist getting under his skin.

"Well you are carless and you ride the bus. Sounds like a peasant to me." He said childishly with his hands behind his back and the most innocent expression he could muster. Sasuke glared and Naruto smiled.

"Whatever… ass." Sasuke surrendered as he retreated to the bathroom. Naruto giggled and went to dip the plates. Sasuke was handed a plate full of spaghetti covered in a nice powder of parmesan cheese and a side of garlic bread to sop up the sauce. "Yes!" he said with a greedy smile while taking the plate and fork. "Do you prefer sitting in the dining room or can we sit in front of the tv?"

"The tv is fine. I hardly ever sit at the table."

They took their plates and sat on the sofa. Naruto turned on the dvd player and decided to watch whatever he had watched last seeing that it was _Doom_.

"Yeah The Rock is the best actor ever." He said sarcastically.

"It's hard to concentrate on his acting when it looks like you can pop him with a needle at any second." Sasuke commented.

"I know, right! He looks like beef jerky."

"And that Hummer windshield of a forehead ain't helping."

At that Naruto lost it and nearly spit out his spaghetti laughing. Sasuke smiled and stabbed his fork into a big hunk of sausage and took a bite.

BEEP!

Still giggling, Naruto flipped open his phone. It was a text from Choji.

"_Hey. What are you doing?"_

Naruto glanced over at the raven.

"Choji just asked what I'm doing." He announced. Sasuke looked thoughtful as he chewed on a mouthful.

"Are you gonna tell him?" he asked. Naruto made a rueful expression.

"It's dishonest if I don't." he said. He shot Choji a message.

"_I am hanging out with Sasuke."_

Choji responded immediately.

"_Why didn't you tell me first?"_

"_It wasn't planned. It just happened suddenly_."

"_Where are you guys?"_

Naruto felt his heart pound in his chest.

"_At my place."_

"_Is your mom there?"_

"_No."_

"_You are telling me that you two are at your apartment alone?!"_

"_Baby we aren't doing anything! Just watching a movie."_

RIIING!

Naruto gave Sasuke a startled look.

"Oh my God he hardly ever calls me."

RIIING!

Sasuke shrugged and stood up deciding to inspect the swords propped against the dining room wall and give the blond the illusion of privacy.

"Better answer it before he has a heart attack, Dobe."

Naruto took a deep breath and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"What…. The fuck Naruto?!" Choji nearly growled through the receiver.

"What's the big deal? I'm hanging out with my friend!"

"Friend my ass! I bet a hundred dollars that that fucker moved back here just to try to steal you away from me!"

"That's not true! He moved back to live with his mom."

"Oh, God. You can't be that naïve." Choji said exasperated.

"It would be weird and creepy that were the case, Cho."

"And you have him with you alone in your apartment. You know he has feelings for you! Why would you even do this to me?!"

"Do you really not trust me?!"

"It's not about that! He shouldn't be there! Period"

"I can have whoever I want in my place Choji!"

"So what if I had some guy at my place? You would be okay with that?"

"You haven't given me a reason not to trust you."

"So if I had a hot guy here you wouldn't care?" Choji countered sarcastically.

"If you are gonna fuck someone behind my back you are gonna do it whether you tell me or not."

"So what, you want me to leave?"

"If you wanna leave then go. I'm not gonna stop you." He saw in his peripheral vision Sasuke giving him a double thumbs up.

"…. That's not what I'm saying. It just seems like you don't wanna be with me. You have guys at your place without telling me."

"I am sorry if this hurts you but like I said it wasn't planned."

"You should have said something."

"Okay fine. You are right. I'm sorry."

"Alright whatever. I got another delievery. I gotta go."

"Okay."

"I love you Naru."

"Love you too. Bye."

"Bye."

He turned off the phone and collapsed into the couch suddenly exhausted.

"Great guy you got there, Dobe." He said unshealthing a gold katana. Naruto gave a tired glare.

"He was right to be angry."

Sasuke shook his head and resheathed the sword.

"He doesn't trust you because he is probably doing dirt himself."

"Well that's a messed up assumption."

"I'm just saying. Sounds like he has a guilty mind to me."

"No he has been cheated on before and it's made him distrustful."

"So he is dragging baggage from his previous relationships into his relationship with you?"

"He's just scared."

"So you have to suffer because of someone else's mistakes?"

"Look let's just drop it, ok?"

Sasuke gave him a long searching look.

"Okay. But stop letting him guilt you into feeling sorry for him. That's all I'm gonna say."

"Okay."

They finished the rest of the spaghetti and laughed at the absurdity of _Doom_ and then began to watch _The Crazies_. Sasuke learned to appreciate watching bad movies and Naruto was having too much fun to be stressed about Choji. Before he knew it it was 3 a.m.

"Oh, shit Sas, you gotta go home."

"Aww can't I just sleep on the sofa?"

"Are you kidding?! Choji would flip if you spend the night."

"Then stop telling him."

"It wouldn't be right, man. Come on its too late for the bus I will drive you… Even though Rasham Square is half an hour away. How lame are you to live so far away?"

"Peasants can't be choosers." Sasuke said with false offense standing and sliding his hands into his pockets.

"Hahaha that's true. Come on man I got class tomorrow."

"You gotta let me see some of your drawings." Sasuke said sliding on his coat and shoes.

"I always throw them away after they are graded." Naruto replied distractedly as he looked for his gloves. Sasuke almost looked scandalized.

"Why would you do that?"

"They are very amateur. I don't see the point in keeping them. Just drawn for the sake of the class. My prof. said its one of my downfalls as an artist. I draw for the class and not for the love of art."

"Yeah I can understand that."

"I bet. The photos you posted on facebook are all over the place. You don't have much of a theme. You just shoot what you think looks cool. Think more Georgia O'Keefe. She had a whole installation. Even though they were mostly vaginas disguised as flowers."

"True. But I am more into doing shoots with models." Sasuke slid on his beanie. Naruto grabbed his keys and shot him a smile over his shoulder as they headed out the door.

"Yeah I bet. Naked chicks galore."

"Hey don't start. You draw nude models too right? Don't make you a pervert."

"Good point. I concede. But I won't be modeling for you."

"Awww, why?"

"I am spoken for. The only guy I can be naked for is Choji."

Naruto fumbled with his car keys fidgeting as he felt Sasuke's eyes on him. He dropped them in surprise as Sasuke spoke into his ear right beside him.

"You will see him for what he is one day, Naru. You will leave that bastard and when you do I will be ready." The raven said with intense promise. He pulled away from the flustered blond and made his way to the passenger side. Naruto heard him pull and jiggle the handle of the door and realized that he never unlocked it. He looked up and saw the raven eyeing him over the top of the car with a grin. "You gonna unlock the door, Blondie?"

Naruto shook himself out of his shock and grabbed the keys before unlocking the door and climbing inside. He was in good humor again after watching Sasuke fold his large frame into the small truck, his knees pressing against the dashboard.

"Comfy, Sasquatch?" he asked with unrestrained mirth. Sasuke merely shot him a glare and reached down trying to adjust the seat. "That's as far back as it goes, Teme." Sasuke relented with a muttered curse.

How they made it across town was a wonder to Naruto since the raven kept him laughing the whole way there. Sasuke seemed not to care about the danger to his life only shouting out "CURB!" when Naruto would nearly clip one weaving out of his lane between hysterics. He pulled up outside of Sasuke's place barely able to make it out with tears of laughter misting his vision.

"Damn it Teme you could have killed us." He managed out between chuckles.

"You're the one all over the road Mr. Magoo." Sasuke countered with easy calm. That started Naruto up again and Sasuke shook his head although he himself was smiling.

"Last stop for all bastards and peasants. Please exit on the right, watch your step and come again for a ride on the Naruto truck. Have a nice day." Naruto teased in his best conductor's voice. Sasuke gave a playfully scathing look.

"Damn you, Dobe." He cursed pulling his laptop bag up between his knees.

"Give your mom a deep French kiss for me."

Sasuke paused half way out of the truck as the unwanted mental image assaulted his brain.

"You nasty ass!" he said shocked and offended. Naruto cracked up again. "See you later, dumbass." Sasuke said at the curb.

"Bye, lame-o." Naruto waved happily. Sasuke closed the door and made his way up the sidewalk. Naruto stayed until he reached the apartment door hoping to see the raven slip and fall on the ice before pulling off. He drove home laughing sporadically on the way as he recalled the Uchiha's hilarious and quick witted quips. As soon as he got in the door he sent Choji a message saying Sasuke was gone and swore on his Christian faith that nothing unproper happened and he also messaged Sasuke saying he was home safe. About a minute later his phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Naru."

"Hey, Choji. Look before you start I swear on all I love that nothing happened."

There was a pause and Choji heaved a reluctant sigh.

"Look. I think we need a break Naruto."


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks go out to my favorite reader Madidi whose single review is worth twenty. I apparently wouldn't have half my reviews without you (hugs). And yes my new avatar is a pic of my furry babies Shadow and Vali who are ecstatic to now be internet celebrities. As you can see they could hardly contain their joy when I took the picture .**

The world held no joy for Naruto. All he lived for now was getting through the day. All foods were tasteless and every color just seemed a variation of gray. The only bright spot in his life now was the fact that he now had a new client but as we all know fortune was a cruel as she was kind. His new source of income now was Leah'Trice Ormans, his meanest client so far. She was a five foot eight, three hundred pound, dyed red haired Jewish horror who put as much shit out of her mouth as she did out of her colostomy bag. He wheeled her wheelchair into her tiny bathroom as close as he could to the pull up bar that was situated on the wall next to the toilet. She leaned her massive form forward and grabbed the bar using all of her strength to pull herself into a standing position. He pulled the wheelchair back and outside the door before hurrying back in and pulling down her elastic waist pants having to work twice as hard since they were a size or two too small. He worked down her adult diaper and helped her pivot her hips to sit down on the commode. He stood outside the open door to give her some privacy. With his back facing her he was looking into the small kitchen. The assisted living facility she lived in didn't approve of the clients having a stove so all she had was a small refrigerator, a sink and a few cabinets. He leaned against the door jamb and in his peripheral vision he saw her use her bare hands to peel off the clear colostomy bag which bulged with hard nuggets of bowel and blood. She took a few pieces of tissue and began picking out the crap piece by piece and dropping them into the nearby garbage can.

Vomitorium.

One would think that a healthcare worker would get used to this at some point. Sure he could clean someone's ass, wash his hands and enjoy chocolate cake after but the smell of human filth was never something he could just take without minding. She replaced the bag back on her stomach which was huge and bulging, the pink skin stretched tight and carved with a roadmap of red veins and stretch marks. He left the bathroom and grabbed her pajamas, no-slip socks, and a clean diaper mindful to put on some plastic gloves when he returned to the bathroom. He kneeled before her ball-shaped form and took off her shoes before pulling her black slacks off of her ankles and hanging them in the closet at her instruction. He peeled off her wet diaper and tossed it in the smelly garbage. He grabbed the diaper and went to work stretching it out every possible way so that it would fit her gargantuan ass. It was the largest size available so he had to make due. He slid the diaper around her ankles and put on her socks. She grabbed the bar on the wall and hauled herself up and waited for Naruto to come and pull up her clothes. He bent down and was basically face to face with her huge strangely shaped ass thinking it was odd how her ass crack only came halfway up and the bottoms of her cheeks dangled with loose, wrinkled skin. He worked her pants up over her hips straining to get them up and having to jerk them into position.

"YOU'RE TUGGING!" she criticized. He pulled away and took a deep breath and immediately regretted it as the smell from the garbage can filled his lungs.

"I'm just trying to help you." He said as calm as he could manage.

"Well hurry it up!" she demanded. He slid her pink pajama pants around her hips as smoothly as he could, retrieved the wheelchair and guided her fat ass to sit in it.

"Scratch my back." She barked. Did this bitch ever say please? He ran his gloved nails across her back. "Harder." He complied and pulled a disgusted face when she moaned at his ministrations. He poured non itching powder on her back and then pulled her nightshirt on covering her huge pendulous breasts. "Give me some spritz." She ordered. He grabbed the hand sanitizer from the sink and squirted a large amount into her palm silently condemning her for not just washing her damn hands with soap and water. He wheeled out of the bathroom and hung a quick left taking her into her bedroom. He locked the chair next to the bed and helped her stand using his own weight to help her pivot onto the bed. She huffed and puffed for a moment catching her breath as he pulled the chair out and into the livingroom out of the way. She was ready by the time he returned. He put his right hand on her upper back and his left arm under her knees as if preparing to pick her up and helped her swing into a prone position on the bed.

"I'm not high enough. Pull me up."

He unlocked the wheels of the uncomfortable and bulky bed and pulled the headboard away from the wall giving him just enough room to maneuver himself behind it. He used the remote to elevate the foot. He grabbed the cloth bed protector underneath her and gave a hard pull jerking her head toward him and sliding her upward praying to God that he didn't throw out his back in the process. After much rocking, pushing and sweating he got her semi comfortable and was finally able to collapse into her sofa.

All in a night's work.

The television sounded in a monotonous drone and he barely heard over the sound of his own self loathing. He was dumped by a fat, pizza delivering, little dick, mouth breathing loser. How does one come back from that? Could someone's ego be reduced to a lower point than that? An image of Choji sitting on his loveseat with his mouth open and his tongue sticking stupidly out while watching television made the blond nauseous. How does one watch tv with their tongue out? Its strange how one sees things in hindsight which wasn't quite obvious before and love covered a multitude of sins. Choji was an absolute asshole. But of course he did his best to soothe Naruto telling him that he was beautiful and smart with the tightest ass he had ever been in and any man would be lucky to have him. Well, that shit was for the birds because Naruto was done. Dating had been the most horrible and unbearable experience in his life and he never wanted to suffer it again. Not to mention the fact that Choji took something from Naruto that he could never get back. So now what? Sleep around with God knows how many guys until he found Mr. Right? The idea sickened him. Then again it was all his fault, right? If he had chosen the right guy in the first place he wouldn't be in this mess. Or maybe he shouldn't have ever tried to find someone in the first place. Who would ever want him? He was a fat, plain mutt with weird coarse hair and intellect that was mediocre at best. At least before he had his virginity and it was the one thing that made him special. Now he was just Naruto, the used up idiot who was dumped by a guy who thought man invented fire. His life was over. Maybe he should be like the people of Jersey Shore and just fuck for fun and not for love. What was love anyway? It was a sudden infatuation that seemed to manifest as quickly as it dissipated. It dismayed him out fickle the heart is. One day he was Choji's world and the next he was garbage left out on the curb. To be honest, that was the most painful of all. To think that he was thrown away with such passivity. To think that he himself was just trash. Although it really shouldn't have come to much of a surprise. The only people who valued him at all was his family and he supposed that he should be grateful for that. There were orphans out there in the world left behind and unloved doing anything and everything just for the slightest moment of acknowledgement. There were people out there who would give their right eye to clean asses and colostomy bags just to be able to buy food. Maybe this was his lot in life. It was no wonder why whenever he found happiness it always felt tentative and fleeting as if it were stolen and would disappear like vapor. It wasn't fair. What moron wants to live? To struggle day in and day out just to survive? Maybe he was looking at things all wrong. Maybe he himself was like the elderly he criticized so much for just waiting to die. As he sat on that sofa in the dark alone and numb it was then that Naruto gave up. He would work, he would eat and he sleep day in and day out just like everyone else. The difference was that he was no longer disillusioned by the glitz and glamour of existence. The truth was that we all lived to die. In the grand scheme of things the world was but one element in the universe and we are just small microscopic particles floating in the cytoplasm unaware of our own insignificant. We will campaign for animal rights as we eat them. We will murder plants. We will torture lab rats to save our own lives. We will try to stop global warming. We will provide clean water to starving African children and we will build hover cars that run on water.

And we will still die.

Maybe in the womb by a mother who didn't want us or in our eighties wondering who we are.

BEEP!

He was brought out of his musing by his phone. He hadn't been answering it for the past few days since he wanted nothing more than to just be left alone to be depressed. He flipped open the phone with a sigh and saw he had received seven messages from Sasuke.

"_Let's celebrate your new found freedom."_

"_Dobe, you better not be over there sulking because Fatty Lumpkin cut you lose. He did you a favor."_

"_Hey!"_

"_Dobe I swear to God…"_

"_Stop ignoring me."_

"_Come on Naruto…"_

" "

The sad face did him in. Sasuke had the talent of making the blond acknowledge him even when all he wanted was to be left alone. He surrendered with a reply.

"_Leave me alone."_

He flipped the phone closed hoping to be done with it when it beeped again.

"_uh… no?"_

"_WTF DO U MEAN NO! JUST GO AWAY!"_

"_Nope."_

"_I fucking hate you, Sasuke. I hope you rot in hell!"_

"_So… what are you saying exactly?"_

"_I don't need any friends. Just leave me alone."_

"_Aww c'mon. Just tell me what's wrong."_

"_You know what's wrong."_

"_So he left you, big deal. Everyone gets dumped."_

"_By a fat pizza guy?"_

"_I was dumped by an ugly chick before. She said I was boring and I told her she looked like a foot. She slapped me and left."_

"_If she was so ugly then why did you date her?"_

"_It was my man-whore phase."_

"_I never had a man whore phase. Maybe I should."_

"_It's not your style."_

"_It could be."_

"_So what, he leaves you and now you are going to sleep with the world?"_

"_I'm done dating. Maybe I have been going about things all wrong. Maybe I should just fuck for fun."_

"_Yeah that sounds crazy. Don't do something drastic just because you are hurting."_

"_There's this website I been checking out called . I have a few guys wanting to hook up. One guy in particular seems okay for experimenting."_

"_If you go through with this I will never talk to you again."_

"_Now who is being drastic?"_

"_I'm serious. I have been trying to get with you forever and now you are saying you wanna fuck around with some nobody? That's bullshit Naruto!"_

"_If I can fuck him I can fuck you too. You can finally get what you want."_

"_That's not what I want. Nice to see you think so lowly of me."_

"_Choji says I have the tightest ass he's ever fucked. You saying you don't want a try?"_

"_I will talk to you tomorrow. Maybe you will have come to your senses. Have a good night at work Dobe."_

Naruto turned off his phone and stared blankly at the television willing the sun to come up.

"NARUTO! I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!" the old bitch called from the next room.

Just another night's work.

Naruto hadn't heard from Sasuke in a couple days. He knew the raven was brooding but he wasn't inclined to send an apology text. Working with the new client was an adjustment and the fourteen hour shift was throwing off his sleep schedule. Thank God he only went four nights a week. He sat on his couch in baggy grey sweats and a black baggy death note t-shirt drinking can after can of Bubba Cola and surfing through his Fling account inbox. Jeez Louise and macaroni with cheese there were some fucked in the head people on that website! Naruto read the latest reply with morbid interest.

_KingDingaLing writes:_

_I like to smell dirty panties. I want you to wear a satin pair for a couple days without showering and mail them to me. I will pay you $50 for two pair._

Ugh.

_Buttplugger69 writes:_

_I have an interesting kink that you may or may not be into. I want you to eat a lot of whatever gets you the gassiest. Then I want to eat your ass while you let it all out in my face. The nastier the gas the better. Don't be shy. I will eat your delectable smelly ass for hours. We don't even have to fuck."_

Naruto didn't know why he was being so picky. All he really needed was a sizable penis, lack of disease and no homicidal tendencies. Who cares who these people were so long as he was just fucking them, right? His doorbell rang scaring the hell out of him since he wasn't expecting company. It wasn't Konohamaru's special ring so he assumed that a guest simply rang the wrong bell. He hopped up and pressed the button to buzz the stranger in. He felt lighter lately. Maybe he should have given up on happiness a long time ago. There was no pressure to reach for the impossible, just the passive aggressive acceptance that life was total shit. He sat back down only to have to get right back up as there was a knock on his door. He looked through the peephole and was greeted with pale skin, dark hair and metal. He opened the door and Sasuke stepped in like he owned the place with metal gauges sparkling in his ears and Beats headphones blasting System Of A Down's Chop Suey from around his neck. He gave Naruto a suspicious glance before sweeping his dark gaze around the apartment as if looking for someone.

"So," he said appraising the place, "has anyone been gracing your doorstep lately?" he said approaching the laptop on the sectional.

"Meaning?" Naruto asked while closing and locking the door. Sasuke plopped down with his coat and shoes still on and pulled the laptop in his lap. He raised an eyebrow as he read the contents one the screen before giving Naruto a meaningful look.

"This gross asshole who wants you to wear panties been here?"

Mortified Naruto hurried over and reached for the laptop. Sasuke leaned away and used his long arms to hold it out of his reach as he kept reading.

"King ding aling? Really? Is this what you are reducing yourself to, Naru?"

Naruto pulled back and crossed his arms with a huff and a pout.

"It's just for fun, dammit! I'm not screwing any of them."

Sasuke stared at him for a moment as if searching for a lie. Finding none he rose from the sofa and took off his brown pea coat and boots. He put them away in the closet and sat next to the blond taking in the adorable pouty face.

"I am going to court you, Dobe."

Naruto looked at him as if he had grown a second head.

"Was I not clear on the whole no dating thing?" he said getting up from the sofa to gain some distance from his friend.

"Oh, you were clear alright. Clearly delusional. You can't decide to give up on love because some fool didn't realize what he had."

"Maybe I should try dating girls." Naruto mused to himself only to be met by a derisive snort from the sofa.

"Yeah I won't let that happen." Sasuke declared turning on the tv. Naruto turned to him affronted and put his hands on his hips.

"You don't get to decide." He said with narrowed eyes and sass. The engaged in a silent stare battle before Sasuke looked away.

"What's it gonna take?" he asked. Naruto was a little surprised with the question.

"Is that a bribe?"

"It's whatever you need it to be."

Naruto thought for a second and smiled evilly. If Sasuke was doing to be persistent then maybe he could have some fun with this. He walked over to his bookshelf and looked through his dvd collection. Finding what he wanted he turned to Sasuke who was looking at the dvd in hand with curiosity.

"You have to watch this whole movie with me without falling asleep." He announced keeping the dvd face down so that Sasuke couldn't read it. The raven looked suspicious.

"What's the movie?" he asked. Naruto shook his head.

"No matter. That's the deal."

"What do I get if I succeed?"

"I will allow you to court me."

"No dice. I'm gonna do that whether you like it or not. I want something more immediate."

"Like what?"

Sasuke looked at him thoughtfully for a moment.

"I want you topless."

Okay that was unexpected. Naruto immediately felt uncomfortable. He had always been self conscious and Choji's departure made him doubt himself even more. Groping in the dark during foreplay was one thing but they were in the middle of his livingroom in the middle of an overcast day and there were no shadows to hide behind.

"No deal, Teme."

"What are you so scared of?"

"I… don't want to be looked at."

"Why?"

"…."

"C'mon it's a fair deal. I watch whatever crap fest you want and I get a reward. You know you get your sick rocks off from torturing me."

True. He did enjoy watching Sasuke suffer which was why he played things like Backstreet boys, Footlose and It's There In His Kiss every time they were in the truck together. The blond wasn't sure he could pass up on the opportunity to make his friend suffer even if it was at the expense of his modesty.

"I go topless for one hour after the movie if you survive it."

"Deal."

Naruto found himself two hours later next to a facepalming raven. Sasuke had sighed and eye rolled his way all through the first half of the movie and Naruto was beyond pleased. Added to the fact that it was one of his favorite movies the torture was going quite well.

"You doing okay there, Champ?" he chirped happily. Sasuke gave a sidelong glare.

"How do you watch this shit?" he asked in obvious pain.

"Its one of my faves!"

"It's so boring!"

"It's not boring. Just because there's no kungfu doesn't make it boring. You just don't appreciate the art of subtly. Plus it's got everything: intrigue, betrayal, explosions, love, heartbreak."

"Its awful." The dvd stopped and Sasuke stood up to stretch. "Well Dobe, looks like I won. Time to strip the top off isn't it?" Naruto gave an open mouth smile and stood up. Sasuke looked shock as he removed the dvd from the player and flipped it over.

"We are only half way through, Teme."

"AWW $&amp;%!"

Naruto couldn't focus on the movie from teasing his friend. Apparently Sasuke didn't give a damn if Scarlett or Rhett Butler reconciled after Bonnie died or that Rhett himself didn't give a damn. He nodded off at the last half hour of the movie snoring soundly. The blond had to give it to him though, he gave a valiant effort. He had watched as those dark eyes dropped and that dark head would jerk forward after bobbing backward in sleep. But it would seem that the Teme couldn't keep up and the classic was too much for him.

Naruto gave a luxurious stretch as the movie ended, the movement jarring Sasuke from sleep. He looked around blearily before what had happened dawned on him.

"Oh fuck, no! No come on man I watched most of that lame ass movie. You gotta give me something."

Naruto thought for a moment. Granted Sasuke did fall asleep at the last leg and basically did lose the bet. But he did try really hard in spite of his obvious misery and Naruto wasn't completely heartless.

"Tell you what, Teme. I take my shirt off for ten seconds and then it goes right back on. No negotiation and no do overs. Deal?"

Sasuke looked reluctant for a moment but when he saw that Naruto wouldn't be moved he sagged in resignation.

"Deal."

Naruto stood up slowly from the couch and felt his trepidation return full force. He stood awkwardly for a moment with a nervous smile a wiped his sweaty palms on his sweatpants.

"Can't we turn off the light?"

"Uh huh, no way Dobe. I want to see all I can. Stop stalling." Sasuke sat forward with his elbows on his knees with all his attention trained on the blond. Naruto felt as if he were being practically undressed with his eyes. He decided to do it quick and painless and ripped his shirt over his head before he could think about it. Sasuke's eyebrows lowered a bit and his lips parted slowly as he took in the sight and Naruto felt his insides heat. He heard a low rumble of approval escape his friend and he realized that the seconds had been ticking by. He had forgotten to count in the excitement and he was sure that longer than ten seconds passed. He turned away and began tugging his shirt back on hurriedly. He steeled himself and turned back fully dressed to gauge Sasuke's reaction and he could swear the raven was picturing him completely naked by that lustful expression. The tension could be cut with a knife. Suddenly Sasuke gave a goofy smile, a double thumbs up and a loud "VEEERRRYYY GOOOOOD" in his impression of Hatori Hanzo from Kill Bill. Naruto laughed his ass off.

After that day the two of them had made a sort of game of the courtship. Sasuke would eagerly ask what he had to do to gain something and Naruto would set the stakes. Sasuke had been happy just looking at first but now it was five weeks since Naruto had been dumped by Choji. The blond had said that he needed at least a month to have a respectable grieving period and it seemed the raven was ready to up his game. Sasuke seemed to by hyped up as Naruto sat beside him and Pride and Prejudice played on the screen.

"Seriously, Dobe all they do is sit, talk and eat in this movie."

"It's about the plight of women in that time period. All a girl was responsible for was marrying well. It was a different time. A woman couldn't even go out riding with a man without a chaperone. It was all about being proper and well bred." Naruto said not noticing that Sasuke was watching him more than the movie.

"Ha! I would ruin as many females if I could if that's the case. I'd be giving rides all over town."

"You refuse to learn to drive a car in modern times yet you say you'd drive a carriage?"

"Hey…. Shut up."

Naruto had picked Sasuke up from his mom's apartment and they had stopped at the store to grab some alcohol. While Sasuke would admit freely that enjoyed a puff of pot here and there Naruto preferred the buzz of the drink. They both had knocked back a few shots and were feeling like all was well and good in the world. Not drunk but not quite sober. Sasuke slipped his arm around Naruto's waist and pulled him toward him. The blond readjusted and stretched his legs out on the couch and laid with his back against Sasuke's side. He pretended not to notice when Sasuke's hand laid on his hip at the hem of his button down plaid shirt. Every time one of them would shift Sasuke's hand would reappear higher until it was under his top and against his belly with the long fingers splayed across it almost protectively. Naruto grabbed his shot glass and knocked back another before tossing it on the floor carelessly with a giggle. He felt Sasuke's eyes on him when the hand glided upwards and grazed his nipple softly. It wasn't a surprise but the sensation made a jolt of electricity shoot through him and he shivered in response. A silent huff of amusement left Sasuke and since Naruto didn't say anything to stop him he slowly and softly circled a finger around the hardening bud of flesh. Naruto thought it strange since his nipples had never felt sensitive when Choji touched them. Sasuke pinched it lightly between his thumb and forefinger pulling just a little and Naruto moaned. Embarrassed at the sound he pulled away and grabbed the bottle of Bacardi off the coffee table to pour another shot. He leaned down to grab his glass off the floor feeling his shirt lift on his lower back and knowing with certainly that Sasuke was watching.

"Hell with it."

He decided to forego the glass and drank straight from the bottle frowning as the peach flavored liquor hit his tongue and numbed his senses.

"Easy there, Tiger." Sasuke chastised taking the bottle from his hand. Naruto felt his head swim slightly as he watched Sasuke take a swig. Something about the way the light behind Sasuke seemed to make him glow and Naruto realized just how handsome he was. His heart was no longer full of someone else and he was free to see his friend with fresh eyes. Sasuke was beautiful. His hair was so black it was nearly blue and his lips were full and looked too soft to be real. The full black outfit mingled with the gauges and the tattoos gave him a bad boy look that couldn't be farther from his shy, introverted personality. Even though Sasuke was an asshole he was an honest and sweet one making him a walking complicated contradiction. Full of liquid courage Naruto gave the raven a seductive smile before pulling himself up on his knees and swinging a leg over Sasuke to straddle him. The raven made a strange face between discomfort and lust probably wondering just how drunk Naruto was. Naruto didn't bother unbuttoning his shirt since it was oversized and just pulled I over his head. Sasuke leered at the chest in front of him. He looked up at Naruto as if asking permission. Naruto smiled and tilted his head to the side with an eyebrow raised in challenge. Sasuke, unable to resist, wrapped his long, strong, tattooed arms around Naruto's middle and brought him forward. He rested his cheek against Naruto's chest breathing deeply and nuzzling rubbing his face against the smooth skin with his eyes closed as if he had achieved nirvana. Naruto gasped at the wet sensation of a tongue bathing his nipple. It felt amazing. Lips closed over a bud and he moaned, his hand sliding through the soft black hair. He tried to sink down against Sasuke's lap hoping to find an erection but Sasuke kept him in place keeping their penises apart. It was too soon and he didn't want to go too far with them both having too many drinks in them. A needy suction attached to a tanned neck matched by nails racking down his back and Naruto groaned as a shiver cut through him. Sasuke pulled back with a gasp looking into Naruto's eyes. He leaned forward for a kiss and Naruto pulled away.

"No kisses." He declared. Sasuke looked pained.

"Why?"

"I will only kiss my boyfriend. We aren't dating." He got off of Sasuke and began pulling his shirt back on.

"Ok. So what do I have to do to have the honor of being your boyfriend?" he asked dismayed as the tan skin disappeared behind the shirt. Naruto shrugged.

"It will happen if it is meant to."

"So no more fighting me?"

"No more fighting. But I won't just throw myself at you. If we fool around we fool around but let's not label this. For now we are just friends who are having fun."

Sasuke nodded at this but the twinkle in his eye told Naruto that he wouldn't be satisfied with just that.

Boy was he right.

Sasuke had taken to sending him poetry reads he found on youtube. So far Naruto's favorite had been Floetry's _Fantasize, _a smooth and beautiful concoction of both lyric and prose that made Naruto feel things he had never felt before. He didn't feel rushed or forced and it was hard to remain jaded with Sasuke being just so… Sasuke. He was a cocktail of laid back and hilarity that Naruto hadn't known existed on a romantic level. He was a friend that was slowly becoming a lover and Naruto was afraid. If things with Sasuke didn't work out he would lose a great friend that he had never expected to find. Yet, the raven had been pursuing him for two years even though he was in the clutches of Choji like Jonah had been trapped in the whale and yet he patiently waited for when Naruto would wake up and set himself free. He had never seen such devotion outside of the fanfics he read. He had long since written that off as one of those things that just didn't happen in real life and the raven was constantly going beyond his expectations. Christmas had come and gone and Naruto decided that they wouldn't exchange gifts. They were both too poor to get anything good for eachother and Naruto was still raw from last christmas' disappointment with Choji. They each were candid about their previous relationships although Naruto asked Sasuke not to specify exactly how many exes he had. He would simply lead a story with "My one ex did this… he/she was so dumb". Naruto himself had only had one ex so his stories would always end with Sasuke shaking his head in sympathy for the blond going through so much with just one guy.

There was one thing about Naruto that he was finding out with Sasuke. He could be both an affectionate drunk and a mean drunk. One moment he was caressing Sasuke's hair but one asshole comment later and he was throwing the remote control across the room. Sasuke seemed amused.

"Hahaha calm down Dobe, I'm just kidding. You don't look like a Thunder Cat with your hair all over the place like that. Really." He said drinking a Coke. Naruto fumed silently next to him.

"Really? Really, Sasuke? You with that reverse mullet bullshit you got going on? You look like a brunet Kurt Cobain." He growled. Sasuke stopped laughing.

"Fuck you, Dobe."

"You wish." He reached up to pull Sasuke's hair. Sasuke grabbed his wrist and held it away from his head. Irritated at being thwarted Naruto reached his other hand over to poke at the raven's ribs. Sasuke jerked with a curse and grabbed both his arms. Naruto maneuvered around balancing precariously drunk on his knees. He lost his balance but Sasuke pulled him back up with a condescending smirk. Incensed the blond redoubled his efforts irritated that Sasuke was bigger and stronger. He pressed forward with his weight and was surprised when Sasuke pulled him forward across his lap. A firm hand slapped against his rear in a spank. He wiggled around so that he was on his back across the bastards lap and glared at him. Sasuke looked down at him like a wayward child.

"You act like a child and you get spanked, Dobe." Naruto rolled off the couch and pounced straddling Sasuke playfully.

"Ha! I win, Teme."

"I think I am the one who won Dobe." He said running his hands over the tempting thighs and rear. Naruto blinked hard and giggled goofily thanks to the Screwdrivers he had been drinking that night. Now it may have been the alcohol talking but he then said,

"I think I want to kiss you now Sasuke." The raven looked at him appraisingly.

"Really?" he asked cautiously as if the blond may change his mind. Naruto nodded.

"In fact…" he leaned forward to whisper into the page, gauged ear, "I think I want to fuck you."

**Sorry this chapter is so short but I think it's time to wrap this up. The next chapter should be the last. Madidi I know you are out there! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. The story is mostly true, I'd say about 95%. It only strays from truth when I forget exact dialogue, when the sex or sexual orientation of a character is changed or when I can't remember the timelime. I had tried to stick as closely to the truth as I could. I can't make this stuff up lol. Since you have been so good to me, I say I should gift you with a one shot. Give me a Naruto themed idea and I will see what I can do.**


	7. Chapter 7

_**I won't get upset with one of my reviewers for criticizing the Naruto character for being too naïve or saying they didn't buy the whole 'virgin at 28 thing'. They obviously didn't read the author's notes so I will try not to take it personally. Anyways thanks so much to all of you; Madidi, KN-P, Dirtypanties (nice name), xChaosRebornx, and NaokoKami. You have been paramount in my continuing this story even though it is growing harder toward the end. How does one end a story of their own life? My story doesn't end until I do so I have a bit of a dilemma in closing it out. Anways thank you guys from the heart of my heart. I love you all.**_

Sasuke leaned back from the blond and looked at him searchingly. There was a need and uncertainty in the dark eyes that made him look vulnerable and Naruto suddenly felt more sober.

"Are you sure, Naru? I don't want this to happen and for you to regret it tomorrow."

Naruto smiled in a way that was both sweet and seductive and planted a little kiss on the tip of the Uchiha's nose.

"Did you once tell me that it was perfectly okay for friends to have sex? You want me and I want you. We are two consenting adults who need sexual release. Why would I regret that?"

Sasuke looked pained. He ran a hand through the blond hair reverently and Naruto leaned into the caress. The hand drifted down to draw his knuckles gently across the soft, tanned cheek. The smile he gave Naruto looked minutely pained.

"Okay." He responded. Naruto beamed and hopped a little in his lap.

"Great! Maybe now I can learn what good sex is supposed to feel like. Do you have any condoms?" he asked obviously excited. Sasuke's smile slipped and his eyes drifted to the side in thought.

"Um… no."

"No? What the hell? Aren't semes supposed to carry condoms like, at all times or something?" Naruto asked disappointed. Sasuke was instantly defensive.

"Well how the hell was I supposed to know that you were gonna decided you want to have sex tonight Mr. I-am-done-with-dating? I haven't had sex in months so the last thing I thought I'd need was condoms." He said huffily. Naruto switched gears as his A.D.D. caused his train of thought to shift.

"Is it different with a condom?"

"…What?" Sasuke asked derailed at the sudden change of subject.

"Well, Choji didn't believe in condoms so…" Naruto looked down embarrassed. If he had any kind of spine he would have insisted his ex wore a condom and he was ashamed to confess that he didn't require it of him. Sasuke's mind finally caught up and his head dropped back against the back of the couch shaking it side to side in disbelief.

"I swear Baby when I think your ex couldn't be more than an asshole…" he sighed. Naruto kept his eyes down and shrugged not knowing what to say. Sasuke sighed and brought his head back up and kissed Naruto's cheek before grabbing his hips and lifting him up a bit. "Welp lets go."

"Huh? Go where?" Naruto asked confused. He was instantly worried that he was being rejected for committing some kind of sex taboo by not wearing condoms with his ex. Sasuke slipped on his coat and looked at the blond with a 'duh' expression before laughing.

"To get condoms lame-o."

"Oh!" Naruto chirped and jumped up from the sectional, thoughts of rejection immediately gone. "Yeah, there's a 24 hour Walgreens up the street."

They took the short drive to the store and perused the isles. Sasuke went to grab the condoms and Naruto grabbed some potato chips. It seemed the Teme was going to take forever choosing what he wanted. He had stood there forever staring at the condoms and just told Naruto to shop around while he decided. The blond paid for a small bag of honey barbeque chips and made his way to the exit. On his way out he glanced at the end of the second isle where the embarrassing sex stuff was and didn't see the brunet so he figured he was off doing some shopping of his own. It wasn't a large store so he knew that once Sasuke didn't see him inside he would put it together that he was waiting for him in the car. He climbed in his truck and began munching on his treat while he waited. In a few minutes Sasuke coolly made his way out of the store and fit his large frame into the vehicle. He fished around in his bag and pulled out a large Red Bull, a Five Hour Energy and a box of ribbed condoms. Naruto looked away and blushed even though for the life of him he didn't understand why. Sasuke gave a boyish half smile and reached into his coat and pulled out another box of Extends Trojans. Naruto looked at the Extends, the Five Hour Energy and the Red Bull and suddenly put it all together.

"Oh God." He whispered as a heat blasted through his body.

"Yes, I hope to hear that a lot tonight."

"Did you steal that box?"

"Yup."

Naruto looked up at the brunet and was met with serious and intense eyes. He simply started the truck and drove off. Naruto bit his lip and felt himself tense in both anticipation and nervousness as they approached his apartment. Sasuke stared at him the whole way smiling at the innocence of his blush. Naruto hated being stared at. It always made him feel as if her were being judged. Finally, Naruto had enough and glared at his companion.

"Dude, what?!" he nearly barked. Sasuke rubbed his own chin in consideration.

"You know, Dobe, in a lot of ways you are still a virgin?"

"What? Yeah right man that ship has long since sailed."

"Didn't you say his dick was small?"

"…"

"Didn't you say he never made you cum?"

"…"

"So there are depths within you that haven't been touched and a real man has never pleased you."

Naruto's face heated… and that wasn't all. Sasuke was barely saying anything dirty and Naruto found himself fully aroused. He felt that dark gaze roving over his body and he grimaced in a vain attempt to focus on the road. They pulled up into the parking lot and Naruto climbed out without a word. Sasuke followed behind the rattled blond, bag in one hand and his free hand in his pocket with the slightest possible spring in his step and a smirk on his lips. It was obvious that he was enjoying Naruto's discomfort. The sadist. Naruto made his way up the steps and shuddered knowing that Sasuke was staring at his ass. He fumbled with his keys and dropped them before he could unlock the door. Sasuke smoothly bent down and picked them up handing them back with that damn smirk. Naruto snatched them and unlocked the door. They walked in and shucked off their shoes and coats putting them away in the closet. Naruto fidgeted in the middle of the livingroom and Sasuke leaned against the door with his arms crossed over his chest and legs crossed at the ankles giving Naruto a playful appraising look.

"Well, I guess we will be… um… you know…" Naruto fumbled. Sasuke huffed out a nearly silent laugh. He pushed off from the door and slid the locks into place, the sound of metal sliding against metal loud in the silent apartment. He then slowly approached the nervous blond. He reached out his pale hands and placed them against Naruto's shoulders before slowly sliding them down his arms in a caress. He nuzzled his nose against the blond bangs before planting his warm lips against his forehead. Naruto signed and bit his lip.

"Nervous?" Sasuke asked softly.

"No." Naruto lied with a snort of derision.

Sasuke huffed a small laugh and cupped Naruto's chin before leaning his tall frame down for a kiss but stopped short before they connected.

"Damn your no kissing rule, Dobe." He announced before leaning in. Naruto couldn't help but compare… even though honestly there was no comparison. Sasuke's lips were full and enveloping where Choji's had been thin and… it was hard to explain. While Choji's kisses felt as if they were simply lips pressing together, Sasuke's lips felt as if both his and Naruto's were made of chocolate and were sweetly melting together in the heat between them. Choji breathed out his mouth and felt off putting during a kiss but Sasuke breathed deeply through his nose smooth and calm and Naruto found himself breathing in sync with him. Sasuke pressed forward and Naruto was forced to tilt his head back. He was expecting to feel Choji's huge belly pushing him precariously off balance but it seemed as if Sasuke's body formed perfectly against his own. A moan made its way out and he pulled away a bit to collect himself. Sasuke failed to suppress a groan and looked at the blond to gauge his reaction. Naruto bit his lip self-conciously.

"What if I can't cum for you?" he asked frightened. Sasuke kissed his cheek.

"Then I will keep trying."

"But what if…"

"Shhh…" Sasuke took him by the hand and began to slowly pull him to the bedroom. He shooed Vali off the bed. She meowed in irritation as she trotted out and Sasuke closed the door behind her. They were in the dark with just the artificial light from the parking lot illuminating them. Sasuke looked almost ethereal as the light slatted through the blinds giving him a noir appeal. Naruto found himself pulled into another kiss. It felt so surreal! He kept expecting it to get awkward and forced but Sasuke seemed to flow against him like a gentle current that was soothing and cradling but just beneath the surface was wild and untamed and could at any point become strong and overwhelming. He knew from many wrestling matches with the raven that Sasuke was as strong as his huge frame looked and he could overpower the blond without even trying. His calm quiet demeanor was just a cover. Like a tamed wolf. He could devour Naruto if he wanted to and the blond knew that if it came to that he would surrender himself to that torrent of pleasure willlingly. Hands pulled against his shirt and slipped it easily over his head. Those same hands glided over his chest and stomach as moist kisses landed against his neck one after another. Arms wound around him and pulled him flush against a strong chest and a hardness pressed against his own.

"Nggghhh…"

Time seemed to have no meaning. Everything happened so slowly and yet so fast. Those full, warm, melting lips embraced his own. A tongue kissed against his. His lip was pressed and pulled between teeth. His jeans were unbuttoned and unzipped. Was this real? He felt and heard Sasuke moan as he worked a pale hand into Naruto's jeans. Naruto's head fell back as his own erection was palmed and strong fingers wrapped around it.

"Oh...!"

Sasuke, the teasing ass that he was, pulled his hand back out of his jeans and pressed against the blond forcing his legs against the mattress. Naruto took the hint and broke the kiss to lean back against the bed. Sasuke followed crawling forward predatorily as Naruto scooted back and laid against the pillows laying his hands up by his hand in a gesture of surrender. The brunet braced his hands on either side of the blond and kissed him again letting their tongues make love as they soon would. Sasuke didn't waste any time and dipped down to kiss the tanned chest and suck hungrily at a hard nipple. Unfortunately, Naruto didn't have very sensitive nipples, but it struck him as odd that he found himself reacting to Sasuke's enthusiasm. It was obvious that the brunet enjoyed Naruto's nipples and he was aroused in response to his adoration. Sasuke sat up for a moment and divested himself of his own sweater tossing it carelessly to the floor. He gave Naruto a saucy smirk before grabbing the blond's pants and boxers and pulling them both slowly down his hips. Naruto planted his feet and lifted himself up to allow Sasuke to pull the remainder of his clothes from under him and was surprised to find that he wasn't nervous. The Uchiha guided the clothes down tanned thighs being sure to take off Naruto's socks as he went. He sat back for a moment and took in the naked offering before him and Naruto felt that same vulnerable sensation he always got when being naked in front of someone. He was preternaturally aware of all of his flaws all at once and he felt his arousal flag. He wanted nothing more than to grab the blankets and disappear underneath them. He closed his eyes and tried not to tense up knowing that it would just make the penetration hurt more when the time came.

"Mmmm yes…" he heard Sasuke growl lasciviously before feeling his hands travel soothingly up his calves and thighs. He gently coaxed the blond's legs open. Naruto felt him moved forward between his thighs and became even more self-conscious. Did he smell? Did he not shower well enough? Did Sasuke see his cellulite? Did…

Oh….

Oh God….

Naruto gasped and felt his back arch as Sasuke kissed him in a way he never felt before. Sasuke was kissing his opening in the same way he kissed his lips and Naruto felt his insides become water. He tried not to focus too hard on anything and just to let himself enjoy everything. Sasuke's tongue prodded his taint and one of his balls was taken into that hot wet mouth and Naruto's thighs shook against his will. The tongue tipped against the underside of his erection and slowly worked up to the head and then….

"AAAHHH…!"

Naruto began rocking his hips pressing himself more into that mouth and pulling back out again and again. It was strange. It was good. Oh God it was good. Amidst that pleasure he felt a spark of mischief and decided to put up a bit of a fight. He pressed his hand against the crown of the dark head trying to push Sasuke away. Sasuke found himself dislodged from his treat and looked up in confusion. He saw the incredibly sexy image of Naruto spread before him like a fresh buffet as the blond flopped back against the bed panting and shuddering in relief as the onslaught stopped. Irritated at being halted, Sasuke decided that punishment was in order. He grabbed Naruto's thighs and pulled them over his shoulders and quickly grabbed his wrists and pinned them on the bed next to his hips before the blond could retaliate. Naruto struggled a little before the dark head lowered again and a tongue was pressed inside him. A breathless shout was forced from him and he pulled against Sasuke's hold. The grip felt like steel. He felt wetness spread across his pucker and it dripped down his crevice and onto the bedding. In that moment things became so clear to Naruto. The Craigslist dating, the searching on , settling for Choji. It was all so glaringly obvious that it was damn near plebian in its simplicity. He was so damn self-critical and had such an inferiority complex that he didn't think he was good enough for this. The moment that Sasuke undressed him he was sure he would laugh at him. The moment that Sasuke pressed his face into his secret places he thought he would recoil in disgust. Even now he was so damned confused about how Sasuke could want him in this way that he could only enjoy half of what was happening. Sasuke surged his body forward pressing his tongue deeper moaning like an animal tearing into a fresh kill. He was dominant and in control and Naruto shuddered in bliss. Sasuke sucked a little too hard and Naruto cried out in slight pained but found that he liked it. Sasuke began flicking his tongue hard and fast against the hole and noises left Naruto's mouth that embarrassed him. He couldn't help but think about the neighbors and focused on holding back. In fact he was thinking so much about all the wrong things that he began to doubt his ability to cum and that thought alone caused his arousal to deflate. Sasuke pulled back and planted kisses along tanned inner thighs and released Naruto's now sore wrists. He stood up at the end of the bed and removed his pants and boxers before covering Naruto's body with his own. Feeling needy, Naruto leaned forward and planted a desperate kiss against Sasuke's lips tasting himself against his mouth and was surprised to find that he really didn't taste or smell bad.

"Sasuke, I…."

"Shhh I know. It's ok. I saw you going soft. Do you need me to stop?"

"No!" Naruto said slightly panicked. He felt so inadequate that he wanted nothing more than please Sasuke and show him that he could be good. He wrapped his legs around him and pulled him against his body feeling his cock fall naturally against his crevice. "Sasuke I have a lot to learn still. Just because my mind and body are unfocused doesn't mean I don't want you." He raised up again and planted another kiss against pale lips. "I want you, Sasuke."

Sasuke looked at him for a moment before leaning down and kissing him slowly answering his needy kisses with softness and calming him without words. A pale hand slid down Naruto's chest and passed his belly and cock. He felt Sasuke slipping a condom onto himself before taking his erection in hand and guiding it to his pucker. Naruto gasped as the Uchiha slipped inside him his face a mix of surprise and pleasure.

"It doesn't hurt. It's the first time it hasn't hurt." He whispered in awe. Sasuke smiled in response.

"Well that is one victory for tonight. We will work our way up from there."

Sasuke rocked gently. The initial tightness causing friction that felt amazing. The glide of that member, longer and thicker than he was accustomed to, sliding against his insides and over places of pleasure again and again and again. Sasuke kissed him passionately and buried his face into the tanned neck. He wasn't loud in bed by a long shot, but that strong, pale body was tense and shudders wracked him with every inward press. Naruto had caught the intense look of concentration before it was hid in his neck and he was sure that Sasuke was struggling not to cum. So euphoric he was at the thought of pleasing his seme that he smiled at the ceiling as moans were forced out of him.

Harder.

Faster.

He was pressed into the mattress and it was a little hard to breathe but that was okay. They both knew that he probably wasn't going to cum this time but that was okay. Neither of them were screaming like porn stars but that was okay. It was actually more perfect than Naruto could have imagined and when Sasuke tensed pistoning into his core like a jackhammer it was sublime. He watched as the raven jerked up and pulled out snatching off the condom and jerking his cream all over his belly and thighs. Sasuke's head snapped back and curses of pleasure moaned from his mouth and for a moment Naruto thought that he was having a seizure. The cum was scalding and wet and it came as if in waves slashing against his tanned skin in the naughtiest kind of baptism. Finally Sasuke collapsed against him mumbling the word "shit" between pants. Naruto wrapped his arms and legs around him and held him until he was able to recover.

"I haven't cum like that since….. I actually can't remember the last time." The Uchiha confessed. Naruto beamed self-satisfied.

"Really?" he asked feeling happier than he had in a while.

"Mmhmm." Sasuke replied planting lazy kisses against his neck. They laid there quiet for a moment reflecting on what had just happened. Naruto didn't regret it. No matter what happened after they got up and showered he would not regret this. It showed him that sex didn't have to be depressing. Even though he didn't achieve orgasm this time there was always next time and he had a feeling that with Sasuke there would be many more lessons to come.

"You realize I am going to make this my mission, right?" Sasuke mumbled against his neck.

"What?"

"Making you cum. I can see it's going to be a challenge. We should practice. A lot."

Naruto giggled and agreed with him. Practice indeed. They fell silent again and Sasuke began snoring.

Naruto, still with his legs around his lover, lifted his leg and dropped it letting his heel kick the Uchiha in the rear.

"Don't you dare fall asleep on me."

"But you are so pillowy."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Get off you jerk." Naruto rolled and pushed the raven off. Sasuke rolled off the full sized bed and fell to the floor.

"Damn it Dobe I can't walk right now. It's your fault." He said struggling to pull himself up on the bed. Naruto sat up and crossed his legs and arms aware that he wasn't very sore.

"How the hell is it my fault?" he asked. Sasuke settled back onto the bed, his tall frame not fitting and his feet and ankles dangled over the end.

"Whether you know it or not you are very good in bed. A little innocent but good."

"Just you wait, Teme. It was first time jitters… even though it wasn't really my first time. I will have you reeling next time."

"I look forward to it. And in some ways it was your first time, remember? Sasuke rolled onto his belly and hugged a pillow and seemed to fall asleep right after that sentence. Naruto shook his head as he appraised the raven. Naruto never needed to sleep after sex. He didn't even need to sleep after orgasms. Speaking of orgasms…

He made undoubtedlty sure that his snoring lover was asleep before he began sneaking out of the bed. He opened his underwear drawer and grabbed his homemade vibrator. Naruto was too shy yet to go to a sex store so for years he had been making his own. He had bought and oxygen blower for a fish tank and unscrewed the bottom. There were these two metal vibrating parts inside of it and when he pressed it against the head of his penis or against his anus he would cum within minutes depending on how aroused he was. He grabbed his cell phone and the vibrator and walked out the bedroom mindful to close the door as silently as possible. He set his phone to his favorite free porn site and laid back against the cushions of the couch. He grabbed one of the removable pillows and pressing it between his legs against his core to use as a sound muffler and wedged the vibrator against himself. He clicked on a video off a gay gangbang and plugged in his apparatus. The vibration against him felt amazing. He thought back to Sasuke between his legs thrusting inside him hard and fast. Kissing and biting. It didn't take more than three minutes. He cried out softly and collapsed against the sofa panting as he yanked the cork from the outlet.

"Hey."

Naruto jerked up in surprise and was mortified to see Sasuke there leaning in the doorway to the bedroom. His head was tilted and he wore and expression mixed of lust, curiosity and humor.

"What are you up to you naughty little fox?"

Naruto looked down at the image he made, legs spread with a cum covered pillow against him and a strange little machine pressing against his balls. Defeated and utterly embarrassed he fell back against the couch and covered his face with his hands and groaned. He heard Sasuke chuckle and his large feet scraped against the carpet as he approached. The couch dipped near him as the raven sat. He felt the pillow between his legs move as his lover grabbed it. Naruto squeezed his thighs together and tried to hold the pillow with one hand while covering his reddened face with the other but Sasuke wasn't having it. He pulled the pillow away and snatched the vibrator from between Naruto's legs. The blond watching from between his fingers as the other man eyed the cum stained pillow and vibrator. He curiously eyed the cord of the apparatus and plugged it back in impressed at the strength of the vibration.

"What the hell is this thing?"

"Um… it's my homemade vibrator. Its basically just a fish tank part used for circulating oxygen in the water.

"Hmm… well points for uniqueness." He took in the embarrassed blond with his face still covered. "Why are you hiding?"

"…because, Teme!" Naruto growed irritated in his mortification. He was also worried about how Sasuke would react since he couldn't cum for him while they were making love. Sasuke unplugged the machine and sat it beside him.

"How long have you been using vibrators?"

"I don't know. Since I was like twelve?"

"Hmm… That maybe why you have a hard time in bed. Can't you beat off like the average guy?"

"I didn't once." Naruto began to relax since it seemed Sasuke wasn't judging him. He sat up indian style and grabbed a clean pillow hugging it to himself for protection. "It always felt weird for me to touch myself with my fingers. Especially when I try to finger myself. I liked when Choji did it but it's just weird when I did it."

Sasuke nodded as he was wrapping the cord around the vibrator. He looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I have a theory. I think that your body had become dependent on vibration for orgasm. Give me a few weeks. Do not use the vibrator at all. Let me be responsible for your pleasure. Only at those times when you really need pleasure do I want you to touch yourself but never with a vibrator."

Naruto was extremely uncomfortable with the situation. He could never achieve orgasm without a vibrator as he had gotten older. However a flash of a memory popped into his head of himself as an adolescent rubbing against pillows and finding pleasure from shower heads. It was all so new to him then and any bit of friction was enough to satisfy his urges. Maybe the Teme had a point.

"Ok."

33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Naruto had no idea how hard it would be to go cold turkey without the option of cumming. He had placed his vibrator in a box, taped and glued it shut and hide it in the back of his closet. Out of sight out of mind. The past three weeks were torture and Sasuke was not helping the situation. He would touch and fondle his body whenever he got the chance but they didn't have sex again. Naruto suspected that the raven was priming him and getting him riled up. After coming to the realization Naruto decided to one up him and stop masturbating completely.

Now don't get him wrong. Although Sasuke was a far cry better than his last boyfriend the relationship was far from ideal. Sasuke's finances were less than desirable and getting a car for him was consequently a far off dream. Although he would pay for dinner often when they went out Naruto found himself annoyed with having to pick him up, and visiting his mom's apartment was a rare event. Sasuke's mom, Mikoto, was well aware of the fact that they were dating but Naruto was less than thrilled at the prospect of meeting her. Sasuke was very open about happenings between his mother and himself and Naruto was surprised at how strained their relationship was. Sasuke was living with her as a last resort and he often begged the blond to come get him for even a few hours relief. Apparently Sasuke was the bastard son of a Yakuza boss in Japan. He wasn't exactly sure why but his mother had to pack up and left for America although Sasuke's presences in her womb was apparent. Sasuke had only seen his father once after his birth and wouldn't recognize him now if he passed him in the street and couldn't care less. Mikoto had grown up as the spoiled youngest child of middle class family and was accustomed to getting her way. She expected everyone to kiss her ass including her son but Sasuke wasn't the one for kowtowing. His responses to her over the phone would usually be monosyllabic and consist of "yes", "no" and "hn" so there wasn't much of a mother son relationship. There was also the fact the that Sasuke and Naruto butted heads constantly. Naruto was stubborn and set in his ways and Sasuke always called him out on his buttshit. But regardless of their differences they seemed to be so perfectly matched that it was almost scary. One evening Naruto was leaving work and the random idea to pick up Chinese food came to him. He pulled up to a random restaurant and stood at the counter waiting for the server to ask what he wanted. After staring at the menu like a gaping fish and having no idea what to get he just settled with szhesuan chicken and wonton soup. He entered the apartment to find Sasuke sitting on the sofa watching Hulu having stayed over the previous night. He took in the sight of Naruto carrying Chinese food and his mouth dropped open in astonishment.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God." He gaped.

"What?" Naruto asked alarmed pausing in sliding off his boots.

"I swear, about 45 minutes ago I was thinking about ordering Chinese for dinner. Get out of my head you damned warlock!" he demanded. Naruto rolled his eyes with a smirk and sat the food on the coffee table before hanging up his coat.

"Yeah well next time you are going to will something to me can you complete the thought? I swear the idea of Chinese popped in my head suddenly but I had no idea what to order when I got there. I stared at the menu like a complete idiot for a few minutes."

"Dobe this is weird. I couldn't decide on what I had a taste for. That's why you didn't know what to order when you got there." He reasoned. They both stared at each other in spooked astonishment for a moment before they both chuckled and dug into their dinner.

Naruto arrived at work the next morning to sit with his newest client Mrs. Hill. She was so senile that it was painful and Naruto was often finding himself with stress headaches. She was every bit of five feet tall, pear shaped and a spry ninety eight years old. He had been working with her for a week and he was already prepared to quit. She would lay down in the bed throughout his eight hour shift only to get up again three minutes later and say "Truthful and righteous in a timely way." He had absolutely no fucking idea what that meant but she said that AT LEAST fifty times a day. She would test all three of her graciously dead bolted doors repeatedly in an attempt to escape regardless of the blizzard outside. She would go to the restroom with the door open and use the bare minimum to wipe herself so that shit always managed to linger under her long fingernails and the only way to be sure that she washed her hands would be to catch her on her way out of the bathroom when she was done. It was enough to even drive a person with the patience of Job insane. Naruto sat on her living room sofa and saw as she enter the rest room pushing the door but leaving it slightly ajar. He ignored the notification ring on his phone in order to listen to her in order to catch her on her way out. Even though the door was partially shut he could still see her sitting on the toilet. He watched as she played with the plunger fussing with it and moving it around placing it on one side of the toilet, forgetting she did it and replacing it on the other side. She played the with the shower curtain in front of her wiping her unwashed hands on the material and pulling it so it laid inside the tub. She finally unraveled about five sheets of the poor quality one ply toilet paper before leaning forward and wiping herself. She dropped the tissue into the toilet and stood to pull up her elastic waist pink pants. He saw her hands reach for the towel rack and grab a questionably clean towel before wiping her hands on it. He leapt up from the couch and walked into the bathroom seeing streaked of shit spread across the towel. Unable to help himself his face twisted in disgust.

"No Mrs. Hill. Put that down and wash your hands."

"But I just washed my hands." She insisted as she put the shitty towel down on the edge of the sink. The smell of the small washroom was making Naruto sick but he ignored it in favor of doing his job. He reached over and flipped on the faucet and handed her a bar of soap.

"You use soap and water. Now wash your hands properly." She obediently placed her hands under the flowing water and briskly rubbed the soap between her palms. Naruto pinched the very corner of the dirty hand towel between the tips of his thumb and forefinger and turned to leave the room.

"Don't take that. I need to dry my hands on it."

Naruto ignored her and took the towel to her bedroom opening the closet door and dropping it into the hamper. He heard the faucet shut off.

"Come here. Come get me." The old lady called out. Naruto stood in the bedroom and waited. Seconds later he heard the sound of her sequined slippers rubbing against each other as she took baby steps out of the bathroom and into the short hall. He didn't know what he hated more; her manic sundowning episodes of trying to escape or the subdued episodes where she acted like a three year old that needed to be guided by her hand just to go to the next room. As she appeared in the hall he stepped around her and into the bathroom to retrieve a clean towel. She stood watching him with her arms bent and hands turned up like a nurse prepped for surgery. He handed her the towel without a word.

"I need you to dry my hands."

"Either you dry your own hands or they just go stay wet, Mrs. Hill."

The old lady ran the towel across her hands with the carefulness of handling a baby kitten before handing him the towel.

"Can I go in here and lie down?" she asked gesturing to her bedroom.

"Oh God yes please do." Naruto said with exasperation. She went into the bedroom and Naruto went to the bathroom, looked at the lack of shit in the toilet but noted the dirty tissue and the crumbs of dried shit on the seat. Apparently the shit got stuck between her cheeks and he would have to wash it out later. Great. He flushed the toilet, sanitized it and the sink with Lysol spray, washed his hands with the hottest water he could and returned to the living room sofa thinking of how his life always seemed to revolve around shit.

He grabbed his phone to surf the net and was reminded that he had received a text. Guessing that it was either Sasuke or TenTen he opened his inbox without enthusiasm and saw that it was from a number that he didn't quite recognize but seemed familiar. He opened the text.

"Hey." It read. He was so sure he knew this number.

"Hey. Who is this?"

"I guess you deleted my number. I can't blame you. This is Choji."

Naruto dropped the phone and fell against the sofa in surprise. What the hell could he possibly want?

"Oh, hey. What's up?" His fingers were trembling and he pressed the buttons and he felt a strange mix of nervousness and euphoria.

"I just really miss you. I made a big mistake and I want to see you again. Can we have dinner? We didn't really go out much while we were together."

Naruto was sorely tempted to except just to see Choji again, but for what purpose? He damned sure didn't want to be with him again but he wanted to see how it would feel. Naruto put the phone down for a moment to think. If he didn't want to be with Choji then why the sudden urge to see him? If he was honest with himself this was what he had wanted after Choji had left him. He wanted him to come crawling back begging to see him again. To realize what he lost. Although Choji wasn't really begging, his calling and asking for another chance was validation enough that Naruto did nothing wrong in the relationship. That Choji realized that Naruto was a catch and regretted his decision.

Naruto smiled.

He sent Choji a few more texts until he was interrupted by Mrs. Hill making a second trip into the bathroom. She repeated her last trip almost step by step, only this time after she finished on the toilet and pulling up her pants Naruto was too distracted to curb her gross behavior. He was also not in the mood to stop her again. She opened the linen closet and dug with her unwashed hands through the clean towels and sheets grabbing a clean towel and briskly wiping her hands on it. She left the bathroom and headed toward the kitchen where he thought that she would just sit down and watch television. He heard the refrigerator open and heard her nasty hands fumbling with the things inside. Now irritated, he stood up and rushed into the kitchen.

"Mrs. Hill! Stop it. Get out of the refrigerator." She glanced at him but kept digging.

"I just want to see what's in here." She said grabbing a bag of frozen fish. Naruto had set the fish in front of her tub of ice cream to hide it from her nosey probing. She grabbed her bucket and put it on the counter. He stepped over to her and grabbed the bucket to intercept. She grabbed it as well and they both pulled at it in a mild tug of war.

"You have been in this ice cream three times already! You have a bowl of spaghetti on the table that you have barely touched now go eat your dinner."

"But I want this." Mrs. Hill demanded tugging on the bucket. Naruto gave her a look as if he could at that moment set her on fire. An image of a youtube video of caretakers beating on their clients flashed before his eyes. Her pruney face seemed to be constantly set in an expression of rebellion and to him she always reminded him of a female, black version of Cotton Hill from King Of the Hill. Close to losing his temper he let go of the bucket and glared at her.

"Fine. Eat the damn ice cream and when you get the runs I ain't cleaning your ass." He muttered under his breath and left the kitchen before he could say and do more. He flopped down of the sofa and breathed deeply counting backwards from a hundred trying to ignore the sounds of the old lady fumbling around in the kitchen. He heard spoon after spoon hit the dirty floor and be replaced into drawers with her dirty fingers. He never felt clean here. He didn't bother showering before work and always did it when he got home. He heard her flop down at the kitchen table. Having calmed down he peaked around the corner to keep from being seen. She had made and ice cream sandwich.

An honest to God, ice cream between two slices of wheat bread sandwich.

The spaghetti sat before her untouched.

He didn't care.

He took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen opening a cupboard and fetching her Donepezil pill.

"Here's your pill Mrs. Hill." He said setting it next to her plate. She glanced down at it and looked back up at him.

"I don't want that."

"You doctor said you have to take it. It's a vitamin." He lied. It was a pill to slow her dementia but at the point he couldn't care less if she denied it. He couldn't force her to accept care. It was her right as a human being to deny care.

"I am not taking that." She said as she bit into the melting sandwich.

"Whatever, lady." He put the pill back into the container and grabbed a pair of gloves. He slid the latex material over his hands frowning as one broke and he grabbed another. She finished up her "dinner" and stood up from the table. "Are you ready to get washed up?" he asked. She looked down at herself appraisingly.

"I just took a shower." She said confidently. Naruto rubbed the bridge of his nose ignoring the smell of the latex.

"You haven't bathed in two days. I should know."

"Well I don't need a bath."

"Yes you really do. You smell pretty bad."

"I don't smell. Maybe its you."

"…."

"…."

"Whatever. He peeled off the gloves and tossed them in the garbage.

"Where do I go from here? I wanna be righteous in a timely way." She said having forgotten everything that had happened that day.

"You can go to bed if you want." He supplied helpfully.

"Ok." She nodded and headed to bed but turned back toward him in the door way. "I wanna be righteous in a timely way." He said nothing. "You hear what I say?" he sighed in irritation again. "I asked did you hear what I say? I say I wanna be righteous…"

"Okay! Damn." He said and walked toward the living room.

"Okay." She nodded and disappeared into the dark bedroom. He sat down on the sofa thinking how sad it was that this had been the most excitement he had had in days. A couple hours later his relief showed up and he tiredly drove home. Honestly he was happy that Sasuke was gone. Naruto couldn't stand being around people for too long, it always drained him and he needed some alone time to recharge. It was the down side of being an introvert and unfortunately his job required him to be in the company of the elder. Companionship was part of his job and he had used up his sociability. He was falling in love with Sasuke but he really needed to be alone right now. Are there any jobs out there where you don't have to speak to people? He stripped his boots and coat mindful of how Shadow looked like a hole on the floor in the dark room. He stepped carefully over her belly up form as Vali meowed away in greeting possibly telling him all of the happenings in the last few hours in what he called 'cat-anese'.

"Meow! Merrrooww! Meow! Mew!" she said as she rubbed her body against the tv stand. Naruto leaned against the door jamb and looked at her as if enraptured by her conversation.

"Oh yeah? Then what happened?"

"Meeeaaaaarrrooow puuuuurrrrr."

"Wow, really? I can only imagine."

"Meow." She rubbed against his pants and he picked her up to stop her incessant kitty conversing.

"Ok, ok little one. Enough. I am too tired for this conversation." He petted her for a moment and planted a quick kiss on her cold wet nose which she tried and failed to dodge. She wiggled around to get free and he set her down. He bent to stroke Shadow's fat downy belly and briefly considered putting his fat kittens on a diet. A better brand of food would probably do wonders but there's no way to afford it. Until he was making more money they would have to settle for the McDonald's version of kitty food. He reclined on the sofa and sent a text knowing that Sasuke but wanting to update him on the Choji situation.

"So Choji text me tonight." He said. He received a reply seconds later.

"Oh really? What did fat ass want?"

"He wanted to get back together."

"What exactly did he say?"

"I am sorry I left you blah blah blah. I will never find someone better than you blah blah blah. He invited me to dinner." There was a momentary pause.

"I am sure he didn't EXACTLY say blah blah blah but I get the gist of it. So… what did you say?"

Naruto could sense Sasuke's irritation and nervousness.

"I said that our time had passed and that I had moved on to someone else. He guessed that it was you and says he hopes that we will be happy together."

"Good. Now block his ass."

"Lol I thought I did! This lame Revol phone doesn't block apparently. I followed the directions but he still got through."

"Well I say you should ignore him if he tries to contact you again and get a new phone."

"Awww you feeling insecure?"

"I have no reason to. He fucked up and now it's my turn to be what you need."

"What shift you working tonight?"

"Third."

"Cool. I'm going to bed. See you soon."

"I got a new bus pass. Can I come there when I get off?"

"Sure. See you in the morning."

"Ok. Goodnight."

"Night."

Naruto hauled himself off the sofa and hopped in as hot of a shower as he could stand and scrubbed himself mercilessly. He never ever felt clean after entering a client's home. It was hard not to pick up on a person's habits when being in their home for hours on end. He knew within hours if a person was acceptably clean or if they were gross and nearly all of his clients had an unsanitary habit. Mrs. Hill hardly ever washed her hands. Mr. Branch washed his hands but skimped on the soap and reused tissue for blowing his nose keeping the wet wads in his pockets. Mrs. Macaronetti used and reused handkerchiefs and kept her cat's litter box in the kitchen filled with cheap dollar store litter. Not to mention letting her cat walk on the table tops. Plus her daughter (who always reminded him of a fat version of The Undertaker) with her limp hair and smelly clothes never showered even though Mrs. Macaronetti nagged in her loud shrill voice to make her. Every old person he came in contact with was gross even though he knew the notion of the idea was ageist. He toweled himself off and lathered up with body cream before spritzing on deodorant body spray. Just because he worked around filth didn't mean he had to remain in it. He pulled on a loose pair of sweat pants and climbed into his bed. He tried to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes they would open again. He pulled out his phone and played a boring game of solitaire before trying again. It took about two hours before he fell into a fitful sleep.

Naruto came to wakefulness slowly the next morning. His body immediately felt hot and wired but he wasn't sure why until he felt a soft circular massage against his anus. His bleary eyes opened to Sasuke lying beside him freshly showered and wearing a loose, silky pair of basketball shorts. At first sight the raven looked asleep and probably fell asleep next to the blond when he initially laid down only to wake and decided he wanted to play. Naruto sighed and stretched a little rubbing his face into his pillow to cover his morning breath.

"Apparently it isn't safe to sleep around here since someone got a key."

Sasuke chuckled in response and rubbed against the softening opening a little harder.

"You are never safe around me. Especially when you are half dressed. Besides, I'd say we are about due for a bit more 'practice' wouldn't you?"

"Oh really? Mr. I'm too tired, or Mr. I Wanna Play Outlast?" Naruto said snarkily. He never knew that some semes didn't always want sex. Sometimes Sasuke would come over just for the sake of seeing him and spending time with him and Naruto misunderstood thinking that Sasuke didn't want him. To the Uchiha sex was an important part of the relationship but it didn't come close to being everything. They could go days without having sex. Even a week. It took Naruto sulking after trying to seduce his lover a failing for Sasuke to see the problem. He had put down his controller and explained to the blond that some mornings after work he was just too tired. Or if he had to work that night he didn't want his sexy lover to tired him out. He already overloaded on Five Hour Energy's and Red Bull much to Naruto's chagrin so the blond was made to understand and came to terms with the situation. There wasn't a moment in which Sasuke didn't find him attractive nor was he slaking his lusts elsewhere. Sex just wasn't a constant requirement to love. Intimacy didn't always involve sex.

But today wasn't going to be one of those days.

Sasuke opened his eyes and glared at Naruto's snide remark and the blond could see that he was dead tired. He pulled his pale form up and grabbed the blond gently rolling him over onto his side and nuzzled his hardening nipples.

"Always talking shit I see, even so early in the morning." He said and then buttered the hardened tip with his saliva. Naruto shuddered as a breath blew across it.

"You bring out my inner asshole."

"Well I am going to be IN your asshole soon enough."

"Wow that was almost clever. Did you come up with that all by yours…" Lips covered his mid-sentence.

"Just stop talking for once." Sasuke said before covering his body with his own.

The sex had been getting progressively better especially since the whole 'just because we aren't fucking daily doesn't mean I don't want you' lecture. It had given Naruto the reassurance that he needed and his self-consciousness had been slowly chipping away. He had even decided to forego all shyness one night at Sasuke's request.

_Sasuke's lips and teeth attack a tanned neck._

The blond had come out of the shower the last time Sasuke was over and realized that he had forgotten his pajamas. Not wanting to bother the raven with 'unwanted' sexual advances, he wrapped his towel around his waist and made his way into the bedroom. He heard the PlayStation pause in the other room and thought his lover was headed into the bathroom. He grabbed his black Sheldon Cooper t-shirt and a pair of sweats. He wondered if maybe it was the sweats that through the raven off. It was a staple of his wardrobe since he preferred comfort over flash. He turned as he felt his lover enter the room. Sasuke stared at him heatedly and gave a growl of approval before approaching the blond. Naruto smiled but was mildly surprised when the other took the towel wrapped hips into his pale hands. He pulled the towel off and stared and the naked tanned body biting his lips and sighing indulgently. Naruto was pulled against a strong body and kissed within an inch of his life. Sasuke raped his mouth and the blond moaned in want. The raven pulled away and looked Naruto up and down like a plate of lobster before slapping him sharply on the ass.

"You should just stay naked. I want to see you."

_Naruto's penis was taken in between pink lips and Naruto arched up, thighs trembling and groaned._

He was taken aback by the response. Sasuke was really into photography, particularly nude forms. He always had tasteful images of beautiful naked bodies of professional models as screen savers on his phone and laptop. Naruto didn't look like them. Not even close. He mistook artistic appreciation for sexual preference; another topic of Sasuke's lectures.

_A lubed finger slowly slid home and touched the core of his pleasure_.

He ended up reclining butt naked on the couch jumping and gasping through the scares of the game as he helped Sasuke reach the end. He was a fan of theradbrad the youtube celebrity and had previously watched his let's play of the game so he was a valuable source of information for his lover. Even though Naruto knew a lot of some of what was going to happen he wasn't spared on any of the jump scares. They had a great time and at some points Naruto would forget that he was naked but lascivious glances from his lover always reminded him.

_Sasuke pressed down against his prostate with one hand, stroked his balls with the other and sucked him greedily and for the first time…_

_Naruto came._

_**Sorry for all typos since I am terrible with proof reading. I type this author's note feeling very emotionally exhausted. I began writing this chapter the day after I posted the last. I am sorry it took so long but for some reason this particular chapter was exceedingly hard to write so I can just imagine how the next will be. This was to be the final chapter but I think there will be one more. Our journey is drawing to a close. Thank you guys so much for reading. Now I will go watch some Downton Abbey and unwind. (Closes laptop, grabs a shot of Bacardi and leaves).**_e hhhhassdfffd


	8. Chapter 8

**Special and sincere thanks goes out to KN-P for that awesome review. Words can never describe how much I appreciate you taking time out to give me encouragement to continue. I dedicate the final chapter to you. Enjoy!**

"What you mean you are living together?!"

Naruto pulled his cell phone away from his ear wincing from the volume of Kyuubi's voice.

"Yeah," he replied, hesitantly placing his ear against the phone to continue the conversation. "Sasuke and his mom are having some difficulties seeing eye to eye so he asked if he could move in with me." Naruto spoke softly into the phone growing silent for a brief moment to hear the tell tale sound of Sasuke snoring in the other room. How he could manage not to wake himself with all that noise was beyond him.

"Uh huh." Kyuubi said skeptically. "So I guess that means you two are getting married."

"What? No! We have only been a couple for a few months!"

"Hey if you can live together you can get married. You gotta do right by Jehovah."

Naruto rolled his eyes and groaned rubbing his hand over his face I exasperation. He loved his brother deeply but he really got on his damned nerves when he started spouting off the Witness stuff.

"Technically y'all are already married since you are living like a married couple. Might as well do it sin free."

"Right," Naruto jabbing the tip of his tongue into the inside of his cheek with a bored expression. "Remind me how long you and Sakura lived together before getting married?"

Kyuubi hesitated for a beat.

"We weren't living together."

"Yeah, says her. But I recall her being there almost everyday, sleeping over, being awoken in the middle of the night by the sound off y'all fucking… well at least until she cut you off demanding that you marry her." Naruto still thought that was a cheap shot.

"…See? He is already a bad influence on you! Listen to that language. I'm telling mom."

"Bro I'm 29. What is she gonna do, ground me?"

"I'm just trying to keep you out of hell little bro."

"Ever second I have to hear this feels like hell to me." The blond muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Uh huh. Tell that fool he better be planning on marrying you!"

"Isn't it your turn to take mom her groceries?"

"Bye bro! Love you!"

(Click)

Naruto looked down at his phone in affront. 'Did he seriously just hang up on me?' He placed the phone on the coffee table and rested his elbows on his knees rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair as he sat on the sectional. To be totally honest, he was less that uncomfortable with the sudden decision of letting his boyfriend move in. He knew logically that in most loving relationships that this was the obvious course of action but it was happening under less than ideal circumstances. He and Sasuke hadn't sat down and discussed it out anything. It sort of came to him as a surprise. The raven had text him about how his mom had found the gun he and Naruto had bought at a pawn shop and suspected the worst. The glock was registered, legal, legit and only bought for emergencies for when Sasuke was on the bus at night getting back and forth to work. The downtown area was dangerous enough but his bus route dropped him in one of the worst neighborhoods in the area to transfer to another bus. Naruto was always worried but Sasuke assured him everything was okay. His mother assumed that he was into something illegal and threatened to call the police. Sasuke being the smartass that he is handed her the phone and offered to dial the number in case she had forgotten it.

She told him to pack his shit.

In Sasuke's defense, he had asked Naruto weeks before if something should happen would it be okay for him to move in. Naruto, trying to be a good boyfriend, assured him that it would be fine. Of course, at the time he had said that he didn't actually think that Mikoto would kick her only son out. The blond couldn't imagine his own mother kicking him out for anything short of assault so when Sasuke called him saying he was officially homeless Naruto was slack jawed. Konohamaru was eager to help knowing since he and Sasuke were kindred spirits in many respects, not to mention that the Uchiha had a brand new PS4 and was willing to let Maru play. When the three of them entered Mikoto's apartment to help Sasuke move she looked both surprised and agitated and absolutely ghetto fabulous in her red caftan with half her hair in rollers and the other seeming to suffer from static cling. Naruto was privy to the fact that she was quickly putting on weight and naively thought that a mumu would help in hiding the fact. Her dollar store slippers scraped across the floor as she followed them through the apartment watching them pack up. Naruto didn't know if she was curious, bored or just making sure they didn't steal.

"Sasuke don't you dare even think about using my garbage bags." She ordered standing akimbo in the doorway of his bedroom. Sasuke didn't bother to look up from what he was doing and just pulled a box of industrial sized plastic bags from his back pack. They worked together sweating and panting and managed to pack nearly all of his belongings into the moving truck. Konohamaru paused on his out as he and Sasuke were awkwardly carrying the uncooperative king size box spring and cheerfully told Mikoto,

"Have a nice day, Ma'am."

She gave him a condescending look.

"You ain't even out the door yet." She replied snarkily. Konohamaru gave her a 'what the hell crawled up your butt' look and they pulled the mattress out the door. Sasuke turned back to his mom, muttered and emotionless "Here" as he handed her the key and a bland "Bye" as he turned and joined Naru and Maru at the elevator. It had been a long a tiring few hours. Not to mention that Naruto still had to get to work and was going to be an hour late. At the close of the day the couple collapsed onto the bed in a heap and fell asleep fully clothed. So much for christening their new living arrangements.

So now they had been living together for about a month. Sasuke had settled in nicely being already accustomed to always being there and Naruto was finding that always having company wasn't as tiresome as he had initially thought it would be. As an introvert he had always found himself constantly irritated by company, particularly the kind that stayed for a long time. When his mother would allow his cousin to stay over for days at a time while her parents were out of town, Naruto would find himself sick of her face by the second day. Even now being a home health aide the companionship portion of his job was more disgusting to him than the diaper changes. As soon as his elderly client would enter whatever room he had settled into and sit down for company he would immediately feel irritated. He didn't understand loneliness. He understood boredom well enough but he didn't see why people were so afraid of being alone. It was quiet. He didn't have to try to make strained conversation. He wasn't forced to listen to a life story he didn't give a damn about. Being alone was awesome. All he ever needed was a cat. Being completely alone was always strange to him particularly at night. It had probably stemmed from a childhood fear of the dark that he had never fully gotten over. In his reasoning no area or room was ever empty. There was always something lurking nearby, something just beyond his sight. Having a heartbeat present separate from his own always relaxed that fear. Animals were more in tuned to the earth than humans. Somewhere along the way to self awareness and a sentient state we had lost a connection to the interconnectedness of everything. We fatten caged animals that never see the sun and never feel grass beneath their feet. We eat the sick and the tortured, those who never knew what it was to truly be alive. Naruto felt that we as a species were more disconnected than any other creature in the world. Yet, if something was amiss nearby his cat would know. He had shared this intimate information with Sasuke once and the raven had just stared at him for a moment before responding.

"So by your logic all vegans should be psychic."

Naruto hoped that punch to the bastard's arm would leave a bruise.

The pair of them always went back and forth about something, anything, everything. With as many things as they had in common there were sometimes where one was utterly baffled by the other. Sasuke didn't understand why the spice rack over the sink had to be organized from small to large with the labels facing just so. Naruto didn't understand why the PS4 remote always had to be charged even if the second one was already fully charged. Sasuke didn't get why Naruto liked to be early for everything. Naruto didn't understand why it was so hard for Sasuke to put his boxers into the hamper instead of on the floor. Sasuke drank like a fish so juice and milk were impossible to keep around. Naruto would stubbornly not buy more until Sasuke volunteered to buy it and went days at a time without his cereal or drank water with his cookies. Sasuke would rise to any occasion to irritate Naruto and give him shit when the blond lost his temper. Naruto would ball up a piece of paper and throw it at the raven. Sasuke would heckle him when he missed and grab the same paper and throw it back. It never seemed to end! But neither of them would trade the other for anything in the world. When Sasuke went to a photo shoot to take nude art pictures for his portfolio Naruto wasn't the least bit concerned… mostly. When Naruto would fire up his account to shop for weirdos to laugh at Sasuke was unperturbed and even joined in on the laughs. They still were freaked out when one read the others mind and always seemed to prefer eachother's company over the company of friends. It was imperfectly perfect. Sasuke's laid back, take everything as it comes attitude was the perfect complement to Naruto's high strung neuroticism. Naruto would rush Sasuke out when he was late and Sasuke would calm Naruto down when finances were tight. In fact, finances was the only issue Naruto had with the relationship.

Naruto owed a killing to the IRS thanks to Obamacare. He couldn't afford to pay for medical so he was penalized by the IRS for not doing so. How someone so poor could owe the government even more money was beyond him. On the other side, Sasuke had his medical insurance taken directly out of his check. Consequently his checks were even more meager than Naruto's so unfortunately the blond was stuck with the lion's share of bills and Sasuke would help when he could. Naruto would grow frustrated when Sasuke would buy more equipment for his photography even though it was the raven's dream and he was doing everything that he could to become a professional photographer. At times the blond felt cheated, used even. He would intentionally not buy food and leave out the electric bill to see if Sasuke would take the hint. More often than not he did. Particularly when Naruto would obviously be more stressed than usual and mention that he didn't know how he was going to pay a particular bill. That was another thing that irritated Naruto. He had grown accustomed to being independent. But things had stretched thin since he had bought a car. The engine of his truck had blown and he had been forced to drive his mother's Hyundai for months. She never let him go a day without hearing about it and how much she missed the car even though she never drove it. He had grown so tired of her henpecking that he took every penny he had saved and put a down payment a blue PT cruiser that he named Patrick. Get it? PT, Patrick? Well he thought it was clever. Of course Sasuke didn't. It had more leg room than it appeared to from the outside and both he and Sasuke rode in it comfortably. Now if only he could get the black haired bastard to get a car.

Hmmm…

Naruto was brought out of his musings by the sound of Sasuke stirring and climbing out of the bed. He saw a shaggy black head peak around the corner and a sleepy eye squint at him.

"Good morning my love." Naruto said sarcastically since it was 12:35.

"Good morning beautiful." Sasuke grumbled and retreated to the bathroom.

"Emptying that tiny bladder again?" Naruto jabbed.

"Shut up, Dobe."

Naruto turned on the television trying to ignore the sounds in the bathroom to give the bastard his privacy but couldn't stop his snicker at the sound of the intense pee stream and accompanying fart. They would only have a few hours to spend together today if Sasuke was even planning to stay awake at all. With them both working nights Sasuke would often climb right into bed in the morning and stay there until his alarm went off around 4:30 and Naruto would already be at work by then. He heard the Uchiha washing his hands and a minute later he was exiting the shower. It amazed the blond how much Sasuke looked like a big ass baby when he was sleepy with his eye brows furrowed and lips turned down in a pout.

"I hate that you got me into this show." The sleepy one sulked gesturing toward the large 50 inch flat screen.

"Fraiser is awesome. Accept it." Naruto replied popping a chocolate covered cashew in his mouth. Sasuke heard the chewing and looked over to see what the blond was eating.

"Can I have some?"

"You can get a car and go buy your own."

"Aww c'mon! Please?"

Naruto heaved a false impatient sigh and held out the plastic container of nuts.

"Thanks." Sasuke said with a smile grabbing the container and dumping some of the nuts into his large palm.

"Brat."

"You love it." Sasuke returned the container and turned to go back into the bedroom. Naruto sighed at his departure already missing him and hating himself for it.

He had to work third shift that night which was more agitating than one would think. At some point, his client had gotten bedbugs. Consequently, Naruto and Sasuke had bedbugs as well. Whether or not Naruto had gotten the bugs from work or if he had brought the bugs to his client's house he didn't know but it caused him no end of irritation and guilt. If he had brought the bugs to his client's home how had he gotten them in the first place? Should he tell? Should he take responsibility for something he may not have been responsible for? He and Sasuke suffered days on end with itching, scratching and bleeding and the blond was beyond sick of it. Now when he was at work he didn't even entertain the option of lying on the bedbug infested sofa. When he wanted to sleep he had to lay on the floor or risk more bites. He was already riddled with new scars and scabs from scratching and he didn't want to do more. At home they had bottles of alcohol, exterminator grade poisons and bug bombs ready for their next mutual off day. Come Monday he and Sasuke were going to war. The raven had been adamant that the situation wasn't as bad as Naruto was making it out to be but in the blond's eyes world war three had broken out and it was time for a counter attack. Sasuke relented and agreed to join forces with his boyfriend if for no other reason than to shut him up.

The night went well enough. Naruto brought his own blanket from home but it was thin and the floor was freezing. At least it was quiet and his client slept through the night. He drove home the following morning in zombie mode. As he approached the parking lot of their apartment he saw a suspicious woman near the entrance. He slowed his approached to watch what she was doing. She had gotten out of her car, walked over to the passenger's side, pulled something out and closed the door. Naruto was perplexed until he saw a fluffy calico cat dart out from under the car and into a nearby bush. The lady hopped back into her car and drove off like a bat out of hell. The blond couldn't believe his eyes. He slowly pulled up and parked into his designated parking spot. Climbing out, he could hear the miserable, frightened cries of the abandoned cat. He slowly approached the bush seeing the cat pacing in all directions wondering where to go.

"Hello little one. Did she really just leave you here all alone?" he spoke softly kneeling down to get a better look. The cat was frantically sniffing around and crying out as if searching for her owner and barely acknowledged Naruto's presence in her confusion. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and the cat paused and eyed him for the first time.

"Hi pretty one." He coaxed gently and slowly extended his hand. The cat came right up to him and sniffed his hand still meowing hysterically. She sniffed at him for a moment and then sniffed at the parking garage wall next to the bush she was refuging in as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Naruto looked the cat over making sure she wasn't hurt. At least he guessed it was a she. It had a girly face anyways. She looked plump and well feed and didn't seem to have mange or anything. He slowly reached out and ran his hand along her back. She jerked in fright but then leaned into the caress before rubbing herself gratefully against his leg. Naruto didn't know much about the world but he knew cats. He petted her a bit longer gaining her trust and then scooped her up under his arm. "Well I can't really just leave you out here can I? You are far too trusting to survive out here. Plus I'd never forgive myself if I come out later and see you crushed in the street. Let me take you inside and see what I can figure out." He fumbled with his keys while trying to hold the cat. She was now quiet and complacent in his arm. "Yeah you just have to stay quiet though 'cuz cats aren't allowed here. Shadow is like a ninja cat, you never know she's there. But Vali is the local big mouth. Speaking of her I don't think she will take a shine to you so stay out of her way." The cat looked up at him with adorable gold eyes set into a brown striped face but said nothing. Once he got the cat into the apartment he was immediately flustered. Vali was sitting on the sectional staring at him expectantly. There was no way she would appreciate him bringing a strange cat into the apartment. Shadow probably wouldn't care but Vali was another story. He stood in the middle of the livingroom undecided for a moment and suddenly saw Sasuke's size 18 sneakers next to the bookcase. He immediately crossed the short distance to the bedroom and pushed the door open. Sasuke was in the bed with the blankets pulled over his head leaving only the top of his duck butt hairstyle peeking out.

"Sasuke." Naruto whispered urgently. The raven continued to snore. "Sasuke." Naruto said louder.

"Hmm…" was the sleepy response.

"We have a bit of a problem here."

Sasuke stirred and stretched under the blankets before slowly pulling the blanket down and peeking out with one eye. He glanced and the cat in the crook of a tanned arm and the blond watched as the eye rolled back into oblivion and closed immediately falling back asleep. It was another pet peeve Naruto was adjusting to. Sasuke could fall asleep in the middle of anything as long as he wasn't standing up. He pulled the blanket down and sat the stray on Sasuke's stomach. He jerked awake again and looked at the cat with a slow owlish blink.

"It's a cat." He said coming to wakefulness.

"Yeah Captain Obvious, it's a cat. Some bitch just tossed her out her car and drove off."

"Hmm…" Sasuke hummed falling back asleep.

"Sasuke!"

"Hmmm!" he grunted more irritated now.

"I don't know what to do with her!"

"Put her ass back outside."

Naruto looked at his boyfriend with opened mouthed astonishment. How could he say that as a fellow cat lover? Naruto huffily stamped his foot. Sasuke's eyes flew back open and he glared at being awoken again.

"Well what the fuck do you want me to do about it?"

"Hell, you're smart, help me think of something!"

Sasuke's eyes traveled as he tried to think on the spot. Neither of them saw Vali round the corner and spot the furry interloper. The stray mutually caught sight of Vali and with an angry meow lunged at her. Naruto was quick and caught the stray before she could hop off the bed and attack Vali. He promptly took the cat into the bathroom and shut her in.

"Well it seems like the stray is trying to claim the place." Sasuke said carelessly as he readjusted on the bed and pulled the blankets back up. Naruto shook his head and ignored him making peace with the fact that a sleepy Sasuke was an uncooperative Sasuke. Looked like it was once again all up to him. Thinking on his feet, he grabbed the dish bucket from the sink and pouring in some extra cat litter for a makeshift litter box. He snatched a cup and a saucer from the cabinets filling the cup with water and the saucer with cat food. He squeezed his way into the bathroom making sure the stray didn't get out and Vali didn't get in and placed the things down for the stray. She immediately made her way to the food and ate like there was no tomorrow. Apparently becoming an orphan was a hungry business. He ran his fingers through the cat's fur and appraised her. She really was a lovely cat. Her fur was long and fluffy and she had what Naruto called a 'please love me' face. Shadow had a 'I don't give a fuck' face and Vali had a 'I'm a princess, bow before me' face. He could pretty much peg a cat at first sight. He knew that this cat would have no problem finding a home. With that in mind he grabbed his phone and called the Animal Protective League. At that moment, Sasuke decided to come out. While Naruto made an appointment and negotiated a donation price for the cat the raven made coffee and listened in. Naruto hung up with a grateful 'thank you' to the lady on the phone and sighed in accomplishment.

"Well we have to keep her until morning but they said we can bring her in anytime between ten and five. We just have to hold down the fort and keep her separate from the others until then. Shame we are surrounded by cat haters or we could have just given her to someone."

"Yeah I don't get how people don't like cats." Sasuke said before taking another sip of his Folgers.

"I always say that people who don't like cats just haven't met the right cat. It's prejudice actually. It's like saying you don't like Asians or blacks."

"I don't like Canadian."

"Oh my God, Sasuke!" Naruto was shocked. Sasuke just shrugged noncommittally.

"Well I am better than you being he who hates everyone equally."

"I don't have EVERYONE just most people."

"Uh huh."

"Let's focus on the issue at hand. We just have to make it through the day with this cat. You work tonight?"

"Yeah second shift."

"Okay. I have a short stay today. Just four hours. But this old lady works me like a slave. I will check on the cat when I get home and you can check when you get in around four right?"

Sasuke nodded and looked thoughtful.

"Her belly was kinda hard when I petted her. You notice that?" he said suspiciously.

"Yeah. Either she is super full or super preggers and given the way she just inhaled that food I doubt she is full." Naruto said. She was lighter than Shadow or Vali so it didn't immediately occur to him that the cat could be knocked up until just then. "Regardless its not our problem. Let the shelter deal with it. They are a great no kill shelter so I'm sure they will take care of her."

"Cool. Looks like you took care of everything Dobe, what did you wake me up for?" Sasuke asked sulkily. Naruto tilted his head and gave a charming smile. He went over to his lover and hugged him.

"I'm sorry baby. I just freaked out. Thank you for your help though, you always calm me down."

"Hn." Sasuke leaned forward and peck the blond of the lips. "I am going back to bed. Love you."

"Love you too." Naruto kissed him again and let him go watching as he rounded the corner into the bedroom. Suddenly he heard an angry hiss.

"Hey fuck you, you furry bastard!" there was a short scuffle and Vali came careening around the corner, a stream of water narrowly missing her as she darted under the dining table. Sasuke came stomping after her with a pink spray bottle in hand and a heavy scowl on his face.

"What are you doing to my cat you fucker?!" Naruto yelled looking between the hissing wet cat and the angry glaring Uchiha.

"That little bitch hissed at me!" Sasuke growled pointing the bottle at the cat and spraying again. Vali hissed again and ran out to the livingroom and under a chair.

"Stop it! This is traumatic for her having a stray in her home. She is agitated and insecure so cut her a break!" Naruto said stepping in front of Sasuke to protect the angry cat.

"She go' feel real insecure when I kick her ass!" Sasuke threatened. Naruto sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Look. We are both exhausted. Vali is going through a cat crisis. Lets all just get some rest, okay? Give her some space. Once the stray is gone everything will go back to normal."

Sasuke looked at his lover for a moment and then back at Vali. He made the hand gesture of 'I'm watching you' before slowly, creepily walking backwards into the darkened bedroom never taking his glaring eyes off the cat. In the shadows Naruto could have sworn that they looked red before he disappeared around the corner. Naruto sagged and took in the momentary silence.

"MEOW!" the stray cried demandingly from the bathroom. Well, at least it had been quiet for ten seconds.

Naruto got home from work at around nine that night. It had been a tiring shift. Laundry, shower, mopping, dusting, you name it he did it and all in four hours.

"Nine Bucks an hour my ass!" he gumbled. The cat was quiet in the bathroom so he didn't bother going in. Plus he didn't want to have to deal with a strange cat watching him shower. He just climbed into the bed grabbed his phone choosing to watch come Hulu before he slept. Shadow lumbered up into the bed with him and pressed her fat, warm, black body against his belly purring in contentment. Vali watched from the dresser eyes narrowed as if betrayed. Shadow just stretched out happily and closed her eyes. Before Naruto knew it he was asleep.

"Naruto."

Naruto felt as if he was floating and weightless in warm blissful shadows. The very blackness around him purred in contentment.

"Naruto!"

The shadows parted and the harsh light of the street lamp outside streaming in through the blinds shocked him into consciousness. He felt the lithe body of a cat panic at disturbance by his side before fleeing out the bed.

"Hm?" he replied sleepily turning to see the silhouette of Sasuke outlined by light in the door way.

"Turns out you were right about the cat being pregnant."

"What?" Naruto blinked hard trying to ignore the seductive call of Morpheus and trying to wrap his head around what his boyfriend was saying.

"There are now two cats that aren't ours in the bathroom."

Naruto's brain caught up. First he silently fawned over the fact the Sasuke had called the cats "ours", secondly he put two and two together…

"… are you fucking serious?"

"Yup."

"…she couldn't have held them in until we got her to the shelter?"

"Apparently not. Looks like we know the reason why her owner abandoned her."

"No, that makes it even worse." Naruto said sitting up. He stretched long like a cat himself smirking as Sasuke eyed his naked chest. He sluggishly climbed out the bed and followed Sasuke into the adjacent bathroom. The stray was laid out on her side panting and squirming in discomfort. She meowed seemingly in greeting as Naruto entered the room. Sasuke took a seat on the toilet and grabbed a moist wash cloth.

"Looks like we are on number two now." He carefully grabbed the freshly birth kitten and gently cleaned it with the cloth with loving fingers. Naruto kept vigil at the door making sure that Shadow and Vali stayed away. They didn't even seem to care. Shadow less than Vali. Sasuke cleaned the kitten as best he could and replaced in on the rug next to its mother's teat. It latched on instinctively and began to feast. An hour later another kitten made its way into the world. And then another. That morning two calico and two grey kittens were brought into the world. Sasuke had cleaned and inspected each one with the care of a midwife

"They are fucking adorable." The raven said and he placed the last kitten by the mother.

"Yeah I know…. UGH!" they both recoiled in disgust as the mother began eating the placenta and licking the blood from her vagina. They decided to give her a moment of privacy.

Well," Naruto began as he closed the bathroom door behind Sasuke. "I managed to grab an empty box from my client's house so we can get them to the shelter. Just gotta throw some old towels in it for them."

"Great. What time does it open?" he asked getting more coffee. Naruto looked at the clock seeing it was about six a.m.

"Not until ten." They both sat tiredly on the sofa. "Was this pay back for me waking you up when I brought her in?"

"Maybe a little. Plus I knew you would want to see the birth."

"Good call. I didn't even look in when I got home. Since she wasn't crying I figured she was okay."

"Yeah neither did I. But I heard this shrill little cry a few minutes after I got in. I thought she had managed to hurt herself when I saw blood but then I saw a kitten next to her and saw what was going on. Good thing you didn't leave her outside. You did the right thing, Babe." He said with a loving smirk. Naruto tried to smile back but it ended up being a yawn.

"Yeah well the right thing is exhausting work." He complained rubbing sleepy tears from his eyes.

"Of course." Sasuke said sagely. They sat up for the next few hours killing time while Sasuke played "Evil Within". Vali paced outside the bathroom curious about the tiny sounds coming from inside.

"VALI STOP IT!" Naruto ordered.

"Meow!" Vali cried testily but still walked away from the door.

They made up the box so that it'd be comfortable for the cats. One by one Sasuke gently placed the kittens into the box. The mother cat, who Sasuke had named Taichi was still futily trying to lick herself clean.

"Why did you name her Taichi?" Naruto asked eyeing the bathroom rug trying to decide if it was worth trying to wash it free of the blood or throwing it away. He hated waste.

"Because of that cool 'wax on/wax off' thing she does with her paws when she's lying down."

"Oh! Yeah that's perfect for her."

Taichi growled in warning when Sasuke gently nudged her but did nothing else as he picked her up and placed her in the box with her litter. The 30 minute ride to the shelter was a bit stressful with Taichi crying in the box and trying to escape.

"Look at you! Trying to get out and leave your babies behind. Some mom you are." Naruto said joking as he gripped the wheel nervously with white knuckles. Sasuke was sitting in the front seat with his torso turned around to keep a hand on top of the box trying to keep Taichi inside. After a while of playing nice he grew exasperated and just reached in grabbing the cat by the scruff and keeping her still. After maneuvering some inconvenient detours and much cursing on Naruto's part they finally made it to the shelter. The attendents inside cooed over the newborns and everyone was instantly in love. The brown haired, petite girl behind the counter was friendly in handing the paper work.

"How long have you had the cat?"

"About a day." Naruto responded staring at the kittens and trying not to fall in love.

"How old are the kittens?"

"They were born just this morning. Just about five hours old."

More attendants came in to coo over the little cat family.

"Will you be able to foster them for a couple weeks until the kittens are a bit more hardy?"

"I honestly would love to do that but I just can't. Cats aren't allowed in my apartment. Plus I just have one bedroom and no room for them." Naruto said leaving out the detail that Vali would probably kill them the first chance she got.

"Has the mother bitten either of you?"

"No, she's the sweetest cat ever."

"Has she shown any aggression to other cats?"

"…not that I know of, no." Naruto said leaving out her lunging at Vali. He was keeping in mind that she was pregnant and was probably in a nesting faze. Plus he didn't want to say anything that would hurt her chances of adoption.

"Do they have names?"

"Well the mother's name is Taichi." Sasuke spoke up being proud of the name he gave. "We didn't name the kittens." He reached in and stroked Taichi's chin. An attendant reached in to pet a kitten and Taichi gently took her paw and pushed the ladies hand away. Everyone did a collective 'Awww'.

"Well lets think of some unisex names for the babies just so we can have them on record."

"Um… Jaime?" Naruto supplied.

"Okay Jaime is good." The attendant wrote it down.

"Sam?" Sasuke suggested.

"Great." The attendenat scribbled away.

"Smokey and Stormy for the two greys." Sasuke said. Naruto could see that Sasuke liked giving them names so he let him take the lead. An attendant reached in and gave Taichi a quick shot to make sure she was properly vaccinated. A lady came in the door with a litter of three adorable puppies. Naruto found himself surrounded by too much cuteness. He looked down at the cats that he was surrendering. Taichi's eyes met his and Naruto was suddenly overcome with emotion. He turned away for a moment and blinked hard to get rid of the mist gathering there. He heard Sasuke give an "Aww" that was somewhere between sympathetic and teasing. Naruto turned back to face the attendant and she obviously read the sadness on his face.

"Oh, don't worry. Well will take good care of them. We have a list of people who are able to foster them and I am sure they will find good homes. And here, you can call this number next week if you like and check up on them. Just give Taichi's name and account number and the operator will be able to tell you how she's doing." Naruto took the paper with a grateful nod and handed the lady the ten dollars for donation. They were both somberly quiet as they made their way back to the car.

"You had to name them didn't you?" Naruto glared at his lover accusingly.

"What? You can't leave a cat nameless. It's just wrong. Besides you heard them, they will be just fine. No worries. You probably saved their lives. Some lady pushed them out and left them stranded but you took time and money and gave them a second chance. They could have frozen to death otherwise. No tears Dobe." With that they climbed into the car and took the trip home.

All in all things were going better than he had imagined they would be. Of course there were moments where he entertained the thought of tossing his boyfriend back to his mother but he doubted he would ever find someone he was this connected to. He wasn't sure if he believed in the idea of a soulmate but if such a thing existed he was certain the Sasuke would be his. He looked down at the photo he snuck with his phone of Sasuke holding one of the kittens in his hands softly wrapped in a moist wash cloth as he cleaned them and looked at them with subtle love in his eyes. A gentle giant holding a newborn kitten. That was definitely going on facebook. He snuck a glance at Sasuke who was stuffing his face with a double Whopper and watching Frasier with an avid interest he would deny if Naruto told anyone.

Naruto, at that moment, was content.

He loved his Uchiha more and more everyday. He knew that there was no such thing as happily ever after but at this moment he couldn't be happier. The past five years had been a challenge and he would never have guessed that he would have found himself in a moment like this. In fact he was sure that in the next time of trial when he was sure that the world would collapse around him that he would forget all that had taken place. It amazed him how we forget the things we want to remember and remember the things we want to forget*. He never wanted to forget. In fact, maybe he should write it all down as best as he could so that years from now he could share the story. Neither he nor Sasuke wanted children. Not yet anyways. But you never know whose life could be touched by your story. As Naruto believed, we are all connected. To himself his story was just one life among many. But he never wanted to forget. Sasuke watched him as he got up and fished his laptop out of his messenger bag and returned to his place on the couch sitting Indian style with the machine on his lap. He opened up Microsoft office and stared off into the distance in a moment of contemplation.

"Whatcha doing?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto looked over at the raven and smiled.

"I think I will write a fanfic."

"About what?"

"About us."

"Seriously? Who the hell wants to read about us? "

"Well of course I am going to change our identities. I think that you can be… maybe someone from an anime. Maybe Death Note? No, YuYu Hakuso. No I got it! Dragonball Z. You can be Vegeta."

"And let me guess, you will be Goku?"

"Right! Gotta match up personalities."

"Vegeta is short."

"I can make slight amendments to physical characteristics. No fanfic is set in stone. That's the beauty of it. You can mold it as you see fit as long as you don't' stray too far from the original character to maintain suspension of disbelief."

"Uh huh. Make sure you mention how you like to dance in public and embarrass me 'Goku'".

"…. It doesn't have to be word for word, Teme."

"Seriously the next time you do The Nay Nay dance in the grocery store I'm acting like I don't know you."

"Shut up Teme I'm thinking."

"Wow, it's a miracle."

Naruto ignored him. He set his fingers to the keys of the laptop and started typing. The words flowed from his hands without much thought and he decided to tell it how it happened as best as he could remember.

'_Catharsis: Reimagined_

_Chapter 1_

_The night was quiet as he sat there letting the MTV slowly liquefy his brain…'_

*I read this line from a Tekken fanfic with a Hwaorang/Julia pairing called Love Found by Sage Pagan.

Well guys this is where I close. I want to thank each and every one of you who took time out of your lives to read my story. But don't be sad. It's a sort of biography remember? Maybe five years from now there will be a sequel. Who knows. I love you all. And remember, we are all connected in some way. I may be the crazy lady who cuts you off on the freeway or is standing in line behind you at the supermarket. If not, you reading my story has made me a part of your life and I thank you for sharing.

Sincerely,

Goldragon08


End file.
