Harry Potter 1. The Pains

**Goodbye to You  
By** Cherished Dreams

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. I do not own the song.

**I. The Pains**

* * *

Hermione sat down at her tiny office table, staring at the parchments in front of her, with haunted and unseeing eyes, a look of despair on her face.

She was Professor Snape's potions assistant, someone whom he had grudgingly asked to apprentice due to her vast knowledge in the department. She helped him brew much complex potions that The Order of the Phoenix needed, and, her ex-DADA professor, Remus Lupin no longer asked Severus for his monthly potions but asked Hermione herself now.

She removed her reading glasses, something that she had needed and began using in seventh year. She massaged the bridge of her nose furiously, trying to ease some tension and the frustration she was feeling. She could not figure out what was missing from the potion she was currently creating for The Order. Creating ten minute impenetrable magical orb shields were one thing but giving people the ability to create fire orbs in their palms was something else.

She had become a member at the end of her schooling at Hogwarts. More and more attacks had occurred after her class had graduated, and Dumbledore feared that the Death Eaters were more freely able to attack Harry and innocent people. Ron had once moved to Romania with his brother Charlie and was spying for Dumbledore.

She sighed. He always moved back during this time of the year. It would always be the same. Every October, days before Halloween, he would move back there to try and keep his mind off his little sister. She let out another sigh but this time it trembled. Her jaw shook uncontrollably.

The voice, she learned to recognize, was calling out to her again.

_Tomorrow. _

She slammed down the quill that she was holding, and she heard a crack. She swore under her breath. Harry had gotten her that one. It glowed a fiery gold, and it was a replica of the one he had in his own wand. She drew her own wand from under the pile of parchment work on her table and repaired it. She smiled softly wandering how many times she had repaired it.

Harry was always there for her, even though she could not do the same for him. He was probably heading to The Order's headquarters now, preparing himself for a whole day of solitary. Halloween was always a time of difficulty for him in the past, so for years after their graduation he locked himself in the spare bedroom, Mrs. Weasley kept unoccupied for him, and thought.

No matter how much Hermione wanted to be there with him on Halloween's day to hold him tight like he had done so many times before for her, she couldn't bring herself to do it on Halloween's Day. She had her own _past experiences_ to deal with then and she didn't think she could support him when she was barely supporting herself.

_Of all the things I've believed in  
I just want to get it over with _

_Tomorrow. _

She narrowed her eyes, and scolded herself for remembering yet again this year. But she knew she needn't scold herself, for it was just something within herself that always reminded her. And it seemed that this year wasn't different from all the other years. The voice she had tried to shut away, all those years after her graduation had left her tired, and now as she no longer resisted it, it grew more frequent throughout the eve of Halloween's Day.

She looked to the clock on the wall. It was actually quite similar to the one in the Weasley kitchen, but only had Harry's, Ron's, and her own pictures on the unmoving clock hands at the top. Ron and Harry's 'hands' were pointing to 'Safe'. Her own picture was pointing at 'Work'. It was just bordering ten o'clock.

She turned to the window behind her and saw the moon peeping from the clouds up high in the sky illuminating the beautiful white snow that fell gently from the clouds in the sky. The white snow had covered the school in its beautiful grace, and it twinkled innocently because of the moon's silvery light. Winter had seemed came early, bringing the snow with it. She couldn't remember a time when she had encountered snow around Halloween. Snow had always appeared around the early weeks of November.

Snow was cold. _Just like him._

Remembering was a sin, a taboo to her. And she would always punish herself. Crying was her punishment. The hot tears that slowly slid down her creamy porcelain cheeks and into her lips was her punishment. It was a punishment, because to cry meant that the pains in her heart would emerge, and she would once again relive the very day that those pains were created.

The salty tears welled up and stung her eyes. She bit her lip and closed her eyes. She felt a small cynical smile appear on her face as she held victory over the tears. They had gone away, and mixed back with the liquid in her eyes.

For _now._

_Tears form behind my eyes  
But I do not cry_

It had been so long since she last cried. Three years ago. Three long years ago since she had decided to banish the pain away to the deepest part of her mind and heart. All the years before that, she had always cried, calling to the pain in her heart to emerge. She used to like that. She used to like the pain. Having people around her worried.

Now all she wanted to do was find herself, the Hermione she and everyone else used to know. The reassurances in her heart were no longer keeping the pain away, and it was starting to hurt again. But this time she knew it would hurt so much more.

_Counting the days that pass me by  
I've been searching deep down in my soul  
Words that I'm hearing  
Are starting to get old_

She opened her eyes and stood abruptly, casting a charm over all the important parchments on her table. She put them away and suddenly slumped onto her table, using all her remaining strength standing upright. She plopped back onto her soft chair and slowly took some of the potion from the vial that hung around her neck. She stayed still for a moment, feeling the rush of energy and strength coming back to her muscles.

Her strength was not as it used to be, like when they were still in school. Attacks had come a many and victims like she had been scarred with the sight of evil and some even more than so. She was unfortunate enough to have been cursed by the older, more power hungry, Malfoy during a public attack at Diagon alley.

People were everywhere, screaming and running away. Some had even helped curse, hex and injure the Death Eaters that day. Those that weren't bound by oath to protect others, like The Order members, but they helped anyway, and as some wizards and witches played that little part, it ignited hope and strength within her. It ignited hope that there were many who would sacrifice so much and help vanquish the evil in their magical world, so that one day their children and their world could live in peace without fearing their lives. It fueled the determination she had now within herself. She would fight for them. Because they were willing to fight.

The potion she took had to be taken often to regain her strength and kept the effects of the curse from become too overpowering. She felt weak. Just like her days back in Hogwarts. Just like her first year, when she couldn't do anything to help Harry, or Ron. Sure they told her, that they couldn't have gotten past the devil's snare if it weren't for her intelligence, but somehow it still didn't feel right. She didn't feel like she helped enough.

_It feels like I'm starting all over again  
The last three years  
Were just pretend_

Hermione slowly rose from the chair again and shrugged on her Professor in training robes. She could not go out into the snow wearing only her in-the-office type clothes. The long sleeved white blouse with a black jumper/vest over it and black jeans, were not enough to keep the cold away. She would freeze to death. She removed the pink bunny slippers that she wore and put on her black dragon-hide knee high boots, the ones Ron and Charlie had chipped in to give her, the first Christmas she became a potions assistant.

Her eyes softened when she saw the charmed pair of gloves on the counter by the door. The tears were stinging her eyes again but she wouldn't let them fall. She put them on and they immediately changed to match the colour of what she was wearing. They were a present from Ginny. Her face crumpled slowly in sadness but she pushed the thought away, grabbed the Thunderbolt 2005 ™ that stood next to the door and barged out of her office, not forgetting to shut the door.

Most of the students were inside their common rooms or somewhere warm, and only very little wandered the halls of Hogwarts. Some of the students that knew her greeted the determined looking in-training-potions mistress. She forced a smiled on her face, and addressed them with a curt nod. Her feet led her to the Quidditch field, which was covered in snow.

"_Come ride with me Hermione.."_

Memories flooded back and tears started stinging her eyes harshly. She swallowed and mounted her broom. She made sure she was on it, before her feet touched the snow. She didn't want to touch it. She had long gotten over her phobia of heights. In fact she often visited the said field to fly. Sometimes Harry would ride with her on his own broom, the Lightning Bolt, the latest broomstick in the wizarding world. Sirius had always bought him the latest broom on the market. He promised he would not leave again. Not for a very long time. But riding with Harry was never the same when she used to ride with him. Never.

"_Hold on to me tight Hermione.."_

An unsuspecting tear fell and she took off hard into the white, gray sky. She zoomed around, tumbled and turned sharply, and did some of the most dangerous feints known to flying, so gracefully, never once making a mistake. Tears fell freely from her eyes, but she hastily wiped them away, almost angrily, with her free gloved hand.

'Damnit!' her mind screamed. She could still hear his voice whisper her words of comfort and of love when they had flew freely in the sky. Free. In the sky hey were free, free from the petty excuses and expectations that weighed heavily on their shoulders.

"_..I love you Hermione.." _

He had said words with great passion in the sky as they flew out of sight from other students. They would fly into the clouds and race about, but in he end they ended up together, letting passion and emotion out freely, without hesitation. Hermione stopped abruptly in mid-air, in the sky. The clouds disappearing, allowing her sight tat the magnificent velvety black, blue sky, covered with stars.

The moon was large and it gave off its usually silvery glow. She looked down finding the place where fireflies would appear and she had watched them with him, glittering beautifully until dawn at one point. She shifted her vision down on the field benches. She saw a figure looking up at her and she frowned. 'How long had they been there? Had they been watching her or were they out simply enjoying the night sky?'

She didn't know so she used her wand and removed the puffiness and redness of her eyes. She was feeling weak again and so she flew down to the field slowly. Her head was starting to spin and she had trouble controlling her broom. The last thought that fleeted her mind was the memory of him promising her his love. Then her mind went blank.

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**A/N: **Will be continued.. It will probably be a three chapter story. ;D Please review and tell me what you think.. thankies.. My late Halloween special for you all..

**Song:** "Goodbye to You" by Michelle Branch


	2. The Ghosts

**Goodbye to You  
By** Cherished Dreams

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. I do not own the song.

**II. The Ghosts  
**

* * *

Draco slumped in the high back chair, twirling the liquor within the glass, in his hand. He watched the fire crackle softly in front of him. News had been relayed back to the Malfoy Manor after last month's attack at the wizarding communities in East Sussex. His father had been killed by Sirius Black. And he didn't know what to feel. It had been six years since he had really felt anything.

He had become a Death Eater just after he had graduated from Hogwarts. He had been forced by his father, into the 'organization'. But now that he was gone, he didn't know what he was going to do. He had always hoped that one day he could do as he pleased, and help others. He conducted assigned missions with Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle, which were given by the dark lord himself. They had raided many mixed blooded, muggle supporters, and.. muggle witch and wizard homes.

He closed his eyes; he did not want to think about _that_ at the moment. He didn't want to think about all the innocent lives that were tortured and killed. Just because of something that wasn't their fault. He snapped open his eyes and shook his head of his thoughts. He stood angrily and threw the liquor glass that he was holding into the fire place, and watched as the liquor as it made the fire blaze angrily.

Walking over to the fireplace, he leaned on the mantle for support. He seriously needed to sleep. He longed for sleep to take over him, and dream of nothing. But that would not happen. He didn't have a dreamless potion nearby whenever handy or needed. So he made haste of his nights writing endless amounts of information and creating curses, which he might need in the future.

He sighed, and stared into the fire. He always hated when October came into view. He would deliberately do something wrong in front of his father's eyes, wishing to be punished, and his father had always obliged. But even after the large number of unforgivable curses, hexes and such he had received from his father; he could not help but still feel guilty for his past mistakes.

And the reason he could not feel free of his guilt and not sleep for long at night was because of the eyes. Those brown eyes that had fire in blazing within them, haunting him for what he had done in the past. Back then, they were always filled with determination, love, warmth and hope. But his dreams would show him, scarlet liquid on his hands and those same eyes filled with fire, but this time, they were fueled by anger, directed solely on him.

And then memories would fill his mind. Joyful moments with the owner of those eyes, which made him feel even guiltier than he was already feeling.

_Closing my eyes and  
You chase my thoughts away_

He heard a soft click and he swiftly took out his wand from his robe pocket and directed it at the door. Narcissa stood there nonchalantly standing her ground, her face filled with love and sadness for her son. He lowered his wand and his mother made his way across the room to him.

She placed a slender hand on his cheek and his eyes softened at sign of affection from his mother. He nuzzled his cheek closer to it. His mother smiled her beautiful smile, one that he had only seen on rare occasions before. "Draco.." She started softly, "you should go to him."

_To a place where I am blinded by the light  
But it's not right_

He blinked at her words and stared at her. How could she..? "There are secrets that even you cannot hide from me, my son." She dropped her hand and embraced him as tight as her frail body could. He breathed in his mother's scent, and held her close. She smelt of the sweet scent of roses and watermelons. How she could smell so good, he did not know. She smelt faintly like.. At that moment, she released him and looked up into her son's grey eyes. "You are so handsome." He grinned softly, and she snapped her fingers.

A small house elf, not dressed in rags but in suitable clothing, appeared. He smiled at his kind mistress and at his master, and presented his broom to him. The light from the fire made the Lightning Bolt's black wood coat shine. Draco smiled at the house elf, thanked him and took the broom from him before he disappeared again.

His mother had once again taken over the Manor's up keeping, while he took over their stocks and assets that were scattered all over the world. His mother seemed happy to be doing something in her own home again, besides cowering in the shadows, from her husband. The mansion was renovated, and the place seemed more inviting and bright. The dungeons were replaced with house elf quarters, where they lived and spent their leisure time entertaining themselves.

His mother draped a warm riding robe over his broad shoulders. He stared at her hard, and she smiled softly but happily saying, "You are free at last Draco." She waved a hand at the two French doors that opened to a balcony and they slowly opened, revealing the silver moon half hidden by clouds and glistening white snow.

Her eyes seemed like life was sparking within them once again. It had been so long since he had seen that spark and he hoped that it would stay from then onwards. Through the years she would tend to the wounds that his father had inflicted on him. He, of course, beat her too for being so soft on him, blaming her for their son's flaws and wrong doings.

Her eyes, though through beatings and such, were red, puffy and filled with fear, had returned to those that he remembered when she used to look at him as a small boy. He noticed that the pride, determination and warmth that had vanished due to his father's rage had sparked up within her again and they showed greatly in her crystal blue eyes. They made her look less vulnerable.

He looked at her in silent awe. He didn't think he could have survived this far without her. He couldn't live without her.

_I still get lost in your eyes  
And it seems that  
I can't live a day without you_

Images flashed in his mind suddenly and his hand shot up to his head. His mother's happy expression disappeared and she took out her wand pointing at him, she muttered a few strange words over and over again. She glowed a light blue. Her glow covered him and he felt the images leave his mind. She held him close. "You need to go now Draco." The images were starting to terrify him, and he nodded.

He embraced her again, and walked to the balcony. Finally with one last glance at his mother, he mounted his broom and flew towards the place where he had first sensed freedom from his father's wrath, Hogwarts. He heard the doors close behind him. He stopped and hovered for a moment in the sky and cast an unplottable spell on the house. Satisfied, he flew on towards the tiny castle just in front of him. He predicted that it would take an hour or so to get there.

The moon was still peeping from the clouds up high in the sky illuminating the beautiful white snow that fell gently from the clouds in the sky. The white snow had covered the whole mansion and it looked beautiful. Winter had seemed came early, bringing the cold white snow with it. He frowned, but snow had always appeared around the early weeks of November. Snow was cold.

The voice that he had loved so much in his mind, called out,

_You're so cold._

He felt a sudden pain within him again, but it left as fast as it came. His breathing became rugged, white puffs of air forming in front of him. His body had become ridged, and his fingers were stiff. Using his wand, he placed a warmth charm over him. His tense muscles became relaxed again as he let the warmth take over him. He was getting closer to Hogwarts, and he grinned before speeding off towards it. It didn't take long before he reached the castle. He landed down on the soft snow that had covered the Quidditch field.

He slowly planted his feet on the white snow, holding his broom. The snow crunched under his boots and he winced at the sound of it. He stood there for a few moments staring at the castle he had once called home during his schooling of seven years. It still stood tall and magnificent, just like the first time he had seen it.

He looked up and surveyed the area around him, and spotted the Slytherin quidditch viewing box. He mounted his broom again and flew up. Talking could wait until later. He would understand. Too many years had passed, before he had returned to this school. And he knew the reason why. To face his past again, would be murder. Too much had happened, good.. and bad. He had sacrificed the comfort of this place, the Quidditch field, because he used to fly here. With _her_.

"_We'll be free one day.."_

Thoughts and images ran through his mind again, with such ferociousness that he bent down clutching his head tight. He had to bite his bottom lip to keep himself from screaming out in pain. No unforgivable -- save avada kedavra, he hadn't experienced that -- that he had received from his father or otherwise, felt this bad.

He saw her, as beautiful as ever in her emerald green robes, on the day of their graduation ball. He felt the softness of her soft porcelain skin. He saw the raw, untainted passion of love behind her brown eyes. Then with an abrupt flash of red, he saw red. Scarlet blood on his hands. A body in front of him. Red hair. He saw her unblinking eyes, still full of fear and shock.

_Dead._

He saw brown eyes again. But this time instead of seeing raw love, he saw resentment, shock and pure anger directed solely towards him. He felt the anger radiate off her when they passed each other. She resented him for what had happened. Angry for trusting him -- he knew. He heard her words, spoken quietly --as if she was keeping herself from lashing out at him-- not knowing how much those words hurt him so. He never thought that after hearing those three words so many times, that it would hurt even more coming from her.

"_I hate you."_

He let out a stifled cry, and he let himself fall to the wooden floor. The pain suddenly stopped, and he panted, letting out small puffs of air. He was worn out and he felt his usually tense muscles, relax. He pulled himself onto the bench, and dusted off the snow that attached itself onto his robes. He sighed.

_Hermione _

He wondered how she was, how she did over the past years. She wondered how many times, she comforted her friends, and how many times she cried. Cried for the unforgivable thing that he did. He wondered, what she would do if she saw him again. If it would still be anger and hate directed towards him or not. He wondered if she had moved on. He asked himself these things so many times, never once getting an answer. His talks with Severus, were always short and there were never any mention of Hogwarts or her. He wondered if he knew.

He stood up from the bench, feeling strength come back to his muscles. He should go talk to him now. But something compelled him to stay. His feet were stayed where they were, rooted to the white wooden floor. He heard a familiar _swoosh_, and his head turned swiftly to the source. He watched a rider on their broomstick, do twists and turns and -admittingly- many feints that he could not possibly do. He was impressed.

"_I love you.."_

She had said those words with great passion as they flew in the air and out of sight from others. He remembered. They used to fly free from their responsibilities, allowing their wild and untamable passion and emotion absorb them freely. They disregarded their life on the ground, the prejudice and morals their magic and kind brought upon them.

The mystery rider stopped abruptly in mid-air, in the sky. The clouds disappearing, allowing them both the sight of the magnificent velvety black, blue sky, covered with stars. He held his broom tightly, when he noticed them watching him. The mystery rider, descended, but had trouble controlling their broom.

He gripped onto his broom, then after another heartbeat mounted his broom, and willed it to the speed faster to the falling rider. He reached them, and caught the figure in his arms just before it fell to cold hard ground. The mysterious rider's hood fell back, and when he saw their face, the hairs on the back on his neck stood up.

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**A/N: **Will be continued.. ;D Please review and tell me what you think.. Its really nice to know that the stories that you're writing is being appreciated, read or otherwise.. :S thankies none the less.. Butter beer for everyone who reviews this chapter coz.. this chapter was hard to write..

**Song:** "Goodbye to You" by Michelle Branch


	3. The Present

**Goodbye to You  
By** Cherished Dreams

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. I do not own the song.

**III. The Present  
**

* * *

The hairs on the back on his neck stood up on their ends. His breathes were short and rugged and his eyes wide with shock. In his arms was the past that he had been trying to forget; the source of his happiness and guilt. There in his arms was Hermione Jane Granger. His past lover and friend. She had matured beautifully into a young lady. Her pink, soft looking lips were slightly parted and even in the dark he could see that her teeth were a pearly white. Her cheeks were flushed and they contrasted greatly to her pale complexion. 

_Pale._

Snapping out of his reverie he remembered that she needed medical assistance and magicked the brooms to follow headed towards the castle cradling her closely to his chest. At the castle entrance he stopped and put his hood on, and hoped that Dumbledore's deatheater wards didn't stop him from helping the unconscienous girl in his arm. He hesitantly stepped into the building, when nothing happened he stopped and thought of the mediwitch's reaction if she saw him. He turned instead towards his god father's chambers and ran.

The couple students that lingered around in the halls looked shocked as a black hooded figure ran with the potions assistance in his arms. Some frowned and stared after him, as he ran towards the dungeons, but figured that it must be important, when they saw the determined look on his face.

He reached his god father's chambers and adjusting his hold on the girl, banged on the door urgently. After a few bang, the door opened revealing a scary and angry looking potions master. He's god father's face changed from pissed to surprised, after seeing Draco's face. He then noticed the bundle in his arms and cursed. "I can't bring her to the hospital wing. The medi--" Draco started in a rush. Severus seemed to understand and nodded interrupting his little tirade.

He checked her vitals and found that a mobiliocorpus could not be preformed. He reached out and Hermione was handed over to the older man. "Go to the headmaster's office and inform him of this matter. The password is 'Sugar Quills.'" Snape said, before nodding and rushing off to the hospital wing with his potions assistant in his arms. 'She's incredibly light,' he thought glancing down at the girl. Hermione stirred a little in his arms and half opened her eyes to see her potions master's face.

"Se-Severus.." She said, her voice raspy. He looked down at her and said in a low commanding voice, "Do not exert energy Granger, you will need your strength." But in the middle of his sentence she closed her eyes frowning slightly. Her sub-consciousness was wondering whose warm touch she had felt before, because her teacher's hold on her was certainly not as warm and comforting as it was before. The warm touch had felt.. _familiar_. Feeling worn, her mind tugged her back into unconsciousness.

* * *

"Sugar Quills!" Draco called out as he rushed around a corner to the Headmaster's office. The gargoyle came to life and quickly moved aside, allowing him to rush up the stairs. He knocked on the door, and entered the office after hearing the Headmaster's raspy 'Come in.' Dumbledore sat behind his desk, which was filled with many magical objects. The headmaster rose from his seat, and greeted his ex-student with a smile. "Ahh.. Mister Malfoy.. I've been expecting you. What can I do for you?" 

Draco stopped in front of the table separating them and replied, "If you don't mind me saying sir, but that sounded like something I'd expect to hear from Professor Trelawney." He smirked as Dumbledore chuckled and continued. "I'm sorry for disturbing you this late sir but…" Draco wanted to fidget on the spot but used all of his free will not to do so. Instead he blurted out about Hermione's physical state. The headmaster's smile turned upside down into a frown. He moved around the desk and ushered Draco and himself out towards the hospital wing.

Dumbledore rushed to the hospital wing with a hesitating Draco in tow. Just before they reached the stairs leading to the hospital wing, Draco cleared his throat, which stopped the Headmaster in his tracks. "Sir," he started, "err perhaps.." Dumbledore raised his hand, silencing him. "Do not fret Mister Malfoy. Madame Pomfrey will not throw you out of the wing. I will take care of it." Inside the potions master was talking to the mediwitch, in a hushed manner. They both stopped talking, when they found the Headmaster and the young man standing there quietly.

The mediwitch narrowed her eyes at Draco. Dumbledore noticed and asked Madame Pomfrey if he could talk to her. As the headmaster conversed with the still glaring mediwitch, the potions master took the time to talk to his god-son. "What is the reason of your visit here Mister Malfoy?" The younger man had to use a lot of his free will to stop himself from wincing at the sound of his name. He levelly looked him in the eye and replied with the same cold nonchalance, "My reason here is with Dumbledore." Severus nodded understandingly as Draco allowed him to access particular memories that forced him to visit Hogwarts after avoiding it for so long.

After reading it all, Snape's eyebrow rose and he opened his mouth to comment, but Dumbledore called their attention back to him and the mediwitch. Madame Pomfrey seemed to have been told that Draco Malfoy was a visitor to the school. But this didn't stop her from occasionally sending suspicious looks in his direction.

* * *

After arranging that Draco stay in a guestroom for the night, Dumbledore and Severus Snape left the Hospital Wing, leaving the mediwitch, to make sure that he remembered the rules of the Hospital Wing. Draco stood by the window, watching the clouds move and cover the silver moon and stars. He allowed himself to reminisce about the past he had at Hogwarts. He was pulled out of his thoughts, when the hospital wing entrance opened, revealing a young boy no older than the age of ten, Draco guessed, looking worried. Madame Pomfrey poked her head out of her office. "Madame Pomfrey! I--" 

Madame Pomfrey came out of her office and talked to the boy in a hushed voice. Draco turned away and back to the scene in front of him. After a few moments, he heard footsteps approaching him and he turned around. The boy had paused beside Hermione's unmoving figure and held her hand. Curiosity rose within Draco. He walked away from the window and next to the boy. The boy's shoulders were shaking.

The older man placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Leave me alone." The boy said, his voice evidently shaky and weak. Draco sighed and kneeled down beside the bed and slowly turned the boy to face him. He held out his handkerchief to the boy, who in return accepted it and wiped a few tears away. "Thank you."

"I'm Draco Malfoy. What's your name?" Draco asked smiling at the little boy. The boy froze then looked at him surprised. Draco frowned and stood up. The boy drew his wand quickly and aimed it towards him. "Cru--" Draco's eyes widened.

"Silencio!" They both turned to the new person who had cast the charm. Severus Snape stood there just slightly panting, his wand pointing at the boy. " Severus said, "Alexander." And the boy came over to where he was standing. Severus pulled the boy away from Draco and said a few words to him. The boy nodded understanding and the professor removed the charm. He was stubborn but looked at Draco haughtily, "I'm Alexander." Then he rushed over to Hermione's side again to kiss her forehead and ran out.

Both men watched the boy before they turned their eyes to face each other. "Alexander? Who was that?" Draco said cautiously. "And why was he about to use an unforgivable on me?" The potions master answered, "The Ministry of Magic has allowed wizards and witches to use all force necessary to bring down a..." trailing off. The young man nodded with understanding.

"Perhaps you _would_ be better off resting here in the castle tonight; the Headmaster has asked the house eves to set up the guest room in the Slytherin tower. I think you'll remember the two serpent statue? The password is 'Serpent'." Draco nodded and after bidding his godfather a good night, he headed off in that direction. The professor watched him leave the wing before turning to the sleeping figure, and turning in for the night himself.

* * *

Opening her eyes, as if someone flipped a switch, she felt her body ache. She winced and let out a little whimper. She moved, and felt something warm atop her hand. She turned but found nothing. Her auror skills coming back to her, she observed for a moment, before reaching out. Her hand collided with a familiar piece of material. Sighing, she pulled off the invisibility cloak. Hermione felt a tug at her lips at the sight of Alexander sleeping there peacefully. So innocent. She tousled his hair, accidentally waking him. He stirred, blinked his eyes and smiled. "How are you?" 

They heard a cough on the other side of the curtain and Madame Pomfrey drew back the curtains. She seemed surprised seeing Alexander there, but dismissed it. After setting a tray of food down, she waved her wand over her patient, checking her vitals. Content, she let Hermione eat before handing her a small vial. "Professor Snape delivered it himself this morning. He said, if you've run out to come see him." Hermione nodded in thanks before emptying the vial clean.

After much pleading from both, the patient and visitor, Madame Pomfrey allowed Hermione to leave the Hospital Wing. "You look after her, Alexander. Make sure she doesn't exert too much energy!" she called out to them, as she watched them leave. Alexander turned back and nodded.

* * *

Snape's first year Slytherin and Gryffindor class had begun when Hermione and Alexander walked in. After heading to her private chambers and changing her robes, they headed over to the dungeons. They walked in just in time to see him docking points from a Gryffindor student. Hermione frowned and said, "I hope that was well deserved, Professor Snape." 

Snape turned in her direction, not having noticed her walk into his classroom. "I see you're well, Professor Granger." She nodded, let Alexander wander to the front of the classroom. The class watched the two professors and the little boy, before being 'reminded' to 'get back to their potions'.

Seeing that the class was focusing on their potions again, Snape mentioned Hermione to the front of the classroom. "Noting your pale complexion, I'll have to surmise that you pleaded with the medi-witch again." He said, whilst handing her a piece of parchment inscribed with the current class' potion. She smiled, reading. Snape cleared his throat, vaguely uncomfortable. "…perhaps it would be best, if you take this day's classes off." Hermione looked up from the parchment smiling up at him. "Thank you for your concern Professor. I think I will." Alexander nodded firmly at the decision.

A small, evil looking smirk rose to the older man's lips. "Oh by the way, he was about to use an unforgivable last night on a Hogwarts'… guest." He said pointing at Alexander. The little boy glared at the older man, and turned to Hermione. "But mama said.." Hermione frowned. "Later we will visit this visitor and you will apologize. Remember what your mama said about manners." Alexander hung his head and said in a small voice "yes professor." Hermione nodded, bid farewell and turned to leave, Alexander getting up to leave with her. Snape watched them leave and frowned.

* * *

Letting Alexander roam about the school, the in-training professor headed to the headmaster's office, to inform him of her day off. Turning a corner, she bumped into someone. She barely had time to see their face before teetering, her balance having been thrown off, falling backwards. She braced herself for the impact, but after a few seconds, it didn't come. A tingling sensation shot through her arm, making her spine shiver. She curiously opened her eyes and found a hand holding her own. 

_ You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to _

Her eyes went up and saw the face that had been haunting her dreams for a decade. There holding her hand, keeping her from falling onto the floor, was none other than Draco Malfoy. It had seemed that he had reached forward and grabbed her hand before she fell to the floor. Blinking a couple of times, processing the situation, he set her back onto her feet, his hand never once leaving hers. Hermione noticed this and pulled her hand from his gentle grip.

Suddenly remembering, fire rose to her eyes, her anger flaring. She stepped back a couple of paces away, and glared at him. "What are _you_ doing here?!" Students walking past them looked stunned, but hurried away from the two adults whispering to one another. Hermione looked down, suddenly feeling ashamed of herself, and turned but not before saying, "Follow me." She quickly trekked back down the hallway, and into an empty classroom. He followed her.

Walking into the classroom, he shut the door behind him. He turned around and faced her. '_It's now or never._' He said to himself. But after seeing the fire blaze angrily in her eyes, something in unconsciousness said, '_I'd rather take never!_' She glared at him venomously, faint memories coming back to her. She saw red liquid, white roses, and many many tears. Hermione couldn't help but feel her eyes prick uncomfortably. "What are you doing here?" She said anger obvious as she repeated herself.

Draco eyes flicked at the sound of the young woman's voice that stood in front of him. "My reason here is with Dumbledore. Had I known you would be here, I would've arranged a meeting with him elsewhere." After a moment's thought, he added, "What are you doing here?" "After you left, I came here. It seemed like my knowledge was needed in a different area." He nodded stiffly. The atmosphere was tense, both of them could tell. Lowering his guard, he stepped towards her. "I--" He started. Hermione quickly unsheathed her wand from her pocket and pointed it at him.

He stopped in his tacks, eyes locked on her wand. "You know I can do it. I won't hesitate to do so this time." Hermione said confidence in her voice. Draco quickly took his wand out and threw it across the floor in front of her. "There I'm unarmed now. Please. Lower your wand, so that we can talk." Hesitatingly, she lowered her wand. He watched her. From the expression on her face, he knew she remembered everything. "…you remember…" He said sounding surprised although he was not. Her anger flared, as she whispered coldly, "How could I forget? What you did was unforgivable." _'It was today.' _He thought, suddenly remembering.

"I cried and cried for weeks at a time. I blamed myself for trusting you." Brown met grey. "I couldn't believe you out of all people did what you did."

"I.. I.. I'd never needed you as much as I needed anyone else, after that whole ordeal." He said quietly. She crossed the room and slapped his right cheek; a slap that sounded throughout the whole room, and marred a red mark on his pale cheek. "Don't you dare lie to me. I've had enough of your lies to last me the rest of my life!" She snarled at him. He didn't wince at her slap but his eyes flickered in surprise.

Hermione looked down suddenly tired for doing what she did, her cheeks flushed, panting softly hoping he wouldn't hear. He neither defended himself nor did he apologize. He instead stared at the top of her head with emotionless eyes. Suddenly, she turned and walked towards the exit. He looked at the place she had stood last. "Can I tell you something?" Draco said gently, his words effectively stopping her. She kept her back turned and waited, hand poised on top of the doorknob. He sighed that sigh of his; the one that always sent shivers down her spine.

"At one point _you_ were my _only _reason to breathe."

She was stunned, his words rung in her ears. Her confident facade trembled a little as did her knees, but she strengthened them, hoping he didn't see how much his words affected her so. Blinking once, then twice she remembered her pride and the reason she abhorred him so. Hermione walked out of the room, walking head high and with confidence, though her still tired body was against it, robes flaring around behind her.

The door shut close, and after walking around a corner, she slumped down in a nearby shadow, hiding herself from passersby. The sob that she held back was released and tears fell down onto her cheeks freely. She embraced her upper torso tightly and she didn't stop the painful memories of her past from emerging.

Little that she know, he was breaking down too.

* * *

**A/N: **It's going to be longer than I thought. Oh well… :D I'm having fun writing this story anyway! 

**Song:** "Goodbye to You" by Michelle Branch


	4. Their Memories Part I

**Goodbye to You  
By** Cherished Dreams

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. I do not own the song.

**IV. Their Memories Part I**

* * *

**  
8 years ago**

_October 21th 2008_

Nineteen year old, Hermione Granger stood over her kitchen stove preparing a small feast. Draco and Hermione were to spend that evening celebrating their seven month anniversary. Seven months by each other's side, helping each other out though their fears, understanding each other, and loving each other with true, unadulterated love.

Hermione hummed their favorite song, turning off the stove letting the vegetables cool a little. She took the beef roast out of the oven and prepared the table. She used her mother's silver cutlery, the ones she had asked to use for a special occasion, candlesticks and flowers in the center.

She had told him to come to her apartment, seven o'clock sharp. Checking the time, she noted she was right on time. Six thirty pm. She smiled. Her apartment looked beautiful and much more cleaner than it usually was. She took a bath and changed into a dress that Draco had bought her for their sixth month anniversary.

It was a ravishing dress with a full green skirt and a strapless bodice that was covered in a delicate floral motif. Heading into the dining room, she found the candlesticks lit. She frowned. She hadn't lit those. Suddenly she was pulled into a backwards hug her captor, placing delicate kisses on her neck. A small smile blossomed on her faces, as she twisted around to face him in his arms.

He grinned and said, "Happy seven months you." She smiled and was about to respond to the greeting, when he swooped down and kissed her hard and passionately on her lips. He pulled her closer and she intertwined her arms around her neck, tantalizingly drawing little circles on his neck with her fingertips. She felt him shiver at the gesture. She kissed him back with the same passion.

They pulled back, foreheads on each others as they allowed air to fill their lungs. Smiling, they parted and ate their feast talking about little nothings. All through dessert Hermione smiled wickedly, as she pressed her legs against his under the table.

Suddenly not being able to take it any longer, Draco stood up pulling Hermione out of her chair and kissed her hungrily. He pushed her back to the wall behind them and planted passionate kisses along her porcelain soft neck line. Closing her eyes, she let him hold her urgently, stroking him encouragingly, arching her back. He pressed his lips on her mouth.

She sighed into their kiss, and then daringly she deepened it. He moaned and he acutely felt her pressing herself closer onto him. His whole body throbbed painfully, and he felt like he was going to burst. Pulling away for air, he looked into her eyes and knew what she wanted. Pressing himself onto her harder, holding her tight, he pulled her to the carpeted floor.

* * *

_  
October 22nd 2008_

Somehow ending up in her room, he watched her sleep breathing softly. Lying there on her bed, hair was mused the blanket barely covering her. He smirked seeing his markings on her, remembering how passionate they had been. He watched her chest move recalling how he made her arch her back in delight as he touched her. Draco pulled the covers over her body, his hand just touching her skin feeling her wonderful feminine curves.

How could she be so… wonderful? He closed his eyes tightly, and thought about the dark hoods covering men and women's faces; People standing in a circle around their 'lord', talking about revenge and planning attacks. Then he thought of all the months he had spent with his beautiful and intelligent lover, Hermione. He reminisced about how they would spend previous weekends off and just tangle themselves together on the couch, simply watching television and talking. He thought about the different lives he lived.

Then looking back down at Hermione sleeping, he kissed her softly on her bruised lips and flung his legs over the bed, to change.

* * *

_October 27th 2008_

Saturday evening was when they could both spend in each others company peacefully. They were in her apartment again on her soft and cushiony couch, their bodies tangled together. The fireplace was alight, and Hermione had told the boys that she would be playing muggle for the day and that they shouldn't disturb her. Hermione was lying down on the sofa her legs resting on top of Draco's lap. She was reading a book out loud to him, while he sat down, nursing a cup of hot chocolate. Winter was coming fast.

He sat there with his eyes closed, listening to Hermione's melodic voice, reading aloud, inhaling the deep scent of roses mixed with the aroma that his hot chocolate was giving off. Draco had been allowed to go out and 'do as he pleased' as his father had put it, a sly smile on his face. His father wouldn't be expecting him until morning he knew.

Merlin knew how much he had needed time away from the confines of the Malfoy Mansion, and away from the hours of training and careful planning. They had been working on all sorts of things. Draco had been put into Dark Art training with his father, and they spent time together planning a kidnapping of a muggleborn supporter whose family was high up in the ranks of Dumbledore's army, the identity of the muggleborn supporter being kept anonymous to Draco.

He thought about her and their time together. It was limited that was for sure. They couldn't see each other as much as they wanted and they couldn't reveal anything to anyone. Only one person knew of the true status of their relationship and that person was close to both of them: Severus Snape. Severus had broke through to his memories during an Occulmency training session. He worked as a spy for the light side too, and during his 'days off' from the dark side he helped Hermione search for decent spells and brew potions and such for the order.

His family for sure, would either disown him and find a way to ruin or kill them both or find a way to get rid of her in his life. Potter and Weasley would certainly kill him on the spot, and would try to convince Hermione to end their relationship.

He had started to slip into unconsciousness, when he felt a kiss on his forehead. He slowly opened his eyes to find his beautiful girlfriend in front of him. Feeling he was slowly drowsing off, she had gotten up, put her book on the table and taken the nearly finished cold chocolate from him. She smiled at him warmly, something he rarely saw being done in the Malfoy Mansion anymore. He found himself drowsily smiling back. She beckoned him to lie down.

Hermione stood up and went to her bedroom. She came back revealing a pillow and blanket. She was straightening the pillow into position on the couch so that he could sleep, when he placed a hand on her hands, stilling them, and a hand cupping her face, guiding her face to look at him. She smiled and he bent over to kiss her soft pink lips. He deepened the kiss and pulled her up into his lap.

Soon enough they were making out passionately on the comfy couch. But it was unfortunately interrupted when Hermione accidentally knocked over his cup of cold chocolate from the table. She sighed as she rushed, releasing him to clean up the mess. But Draco would not have a knocked cup of tea spoil their night. Once she finished cleaning the mess, he swept her off her feet and kissed her even more passionately than before, carrying her to the couch. She sighed deep into the kiss, enjoying the moment, making him smile in amusement.

* * *

After their little make-out session, he had fallen asleep; tired from his training with his father and everything that was going on at the Malfoy Mansion. His head was in her lap, and she stroked his soft platinum-blonde hair from his face. Hermione loved watching him sleep. It was a time where he could look at most peace and he looked so different from when he was awake. She wouldn't tell him, but he had probably already found out but she loved to watch him sleep. 

She sighed and watched the flames of the fire dance merrily in the fireplace, as she reminisced about her times with her lover. She sometimes wondered why Dumbledore would not let the other know that Draco was on their side, that he was a spy for them. It was hard for him to learn to keep his current status to himself sometimes, he had told her, during meeting with other Death Eaters, especially in front of the Dark Lord and in front of his father. He was sacrificing a lot. If anyone knew, they would think, 'ah! He's doing it for her!' But in fact, he wasn't. He was doing it because he had decided that genocide was wrong; that a Dark Lord, who promised his followers, great powers, merely needed them to do his dirty work to get to the top.

He confessed that it disgusted him that his father would do such thing as to put the almighty Malfoy reputation on the line for the Dark Lord. Malfoy Heirs did not do such things such as allowing themselves to be ordered and made a fool of by anyone. _Anyone_. They were the ones who made their own decisions and ordered others what to do, not the other way around.

Draco became his own person, rarely agreeing with his father on the killing of the muggleborns in the magical society and with other issues that they talked about, during their last year of Hogwarts. There he became a secret order member, and was given the task of spying on the inner circle of Death Eaters. He was forced to watch merciless torture sessions and sometimes forced to join in them, just as Severus was forced to.

She faintly registered the tears that were starting to fall down from her eyes. Extreme worry for him was overwhelming her again. Draco slowly stirred, her tears waking him. He sat up, rubbed his eyes and pulled her close. He didn't have to ask her why she was crying for, he already knew. Sometimes words were completely powerless. He held her close, feeling her tremble, her face in his chest. Sometimes he hated himself, for that small action was all he could do to comfort her. It was all he could do to reassure her, that he would be fine, even though he knew that in the future he might not be.

* * *

_  
October 28th 2008_

A fist slammed down on the table.

"Damnit! We have to do something!" Ron roared standing up from the table.

They were in meeting that day, the main circle of people of Dumbledore's Army. Remus Lupin, Ron, Weasley, Hermione Granger, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore and a few other important leaders of specialized groups were present at the meeting. Hermione looked down at her hands, neatly folded on the table. Severus closed his eyes in annoyance, and replied back in annoyed drawl, "We can't, unless you know how to go up against this new weapon of theirs. You've been dead as soon as you apparate to the scene Weasley. Ron opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted.

"He's right Mr Weasley. There is nothing substantial we can do. Yet."

Ron clenched his fist tighter, causing his knuckles to turn white, and Hermione laid a hand on his arm, beckoning him to sit. "Mundugus, I want any word on the new weapon." Mundugus tipped his hat and apparated out of there. "Auror leaders, we need to diminish the number of people in busy places, and step up all training and procedures. We want all aurors alert." He got several nods and they were dismissed from the meeting.

He came to the last remaining people at the table. "Lupin, I need to you and Mr Weasley to analyze old records and such from the last few attacks, and the old gang to start investigating the extra Death Eater activities." Remus nodded. Ron sniffed. He hated analyzing documents, and investigating activities.

He turned to the last two remaining people who still required projects. "Severus, Ms Granger.." He sighed and removed his half-moon glasses cleaning them with a cloth he conjured. "I need you to examine the dead bodies to analyze the substances that remained from the blast. We need a counter curse, or potion or anything, to protect the aurors from suffering the same fate as the others."

* * *

_  
October 29th 2008_

"Hermione!" A panicky voice was waking her up shaking her urgently. The voice had woken her up. She opened her eyes. Looking outside, and noticing the darkness, she found that it wasn't even day break yet. Ron stood there in his pajamas next to her bed, eyes wide. 'Something's wrong' she thought. "Attack at the HQ!" She threw on a thick warm robe and put on her bunny slippers and apparated with Ron to 12 Grimwauld Place.

Hermione apparated next to Ron in the cold deserted street, in front of the Order's Headquarters. The dark mark was burning up in the sky just above the house. Ron rushed into the house with Hermione right behind him. Death Eaters were all over the place. A Death Eater noticed them. Hermione noticed because she stopped and muttered a few words, before ripping a vial from her neck and smashing it on the floor.

He snarled a "crucio majora" at them. A silver coloured orb surrounded them both. Ron took that time in the orb to curse and hex the Death Eater and a few more that were advancing on them fast. Hermione stood there, chanting the spell over and over, to keep the shield up.

More started coming, and Hermione was starting to be drained of power quickly. Wandless magic was still new to her. She held her wand out and Ron nodded. The orb disappeared and they were quickly ambushed by the Death Eaters rushing towards them. They climbed up the stairs dodging curses being thrown at them, hitting a few of them with their own.

Ron held her hand as they raced up the stairs and away from the Death Eaters. A scream broke out. Ron and Hermione's eyes locked in fear. Ron raced up the stairs, letting go of Hermione's hand. Death Eaters were coming up stairs and he would need time to get up to the third floor.

She stood blocking the Death Eaters path, and quickly conjured a highly unstable potion and a small vial both from her desk, in the basement. She quickly drank the vial, and smashed the highly unstable one on the floor. A red coloured orb surrounded her and cut off the Death Eaters from moving forward. Muttering spells over and over again, she helped the arriving aurors by immobilizing Death Eaters. Soon the house was safe again, the fires were put out, and some of the captured Death Eaters were on their way to Azkaban.

Ron hadn't come down yet. She left the aurors downstairs and cautiously made her way up to the third floor, her wand out. At the top of the stairs, she saw Ron sitting on the floor, head buried in his hands. She rushed over to him. He was sitting on the floor of Ginny's room. The place was partly on fire. She put it out, and held him tightly, and he let her. "What happened Ron?" She pulled his hands away from his face and almost cried at the sight. Tears were falling from his wide eyes. Hermione pulled him close and into a hug. "She's gone. She's gone. I let them take her." He kept saying.

"Who?" She asked gently. "Ginny!" Her eyes widened. Tears started to fall from her eyes too, and she faintly registered the sound of footsteps bounding up the stairs. She faintly saw a disheveled Harry Potter walk in the room through her tears, and kneel down to comfort them both.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry about the long wait.. :P ahh.. :) I like this chapter.. :P but I'm going to have fun writing the next couple of chapters.. :P I know the dates are wrong.. but ;) who cares this is my fanfic.. and I know I'll be able to get away with it.. tehe.. :D

** 5/1/07 NOTE: **will probably review these chapters when I get a chance and get the dates right.

** Song:** "Goodbye to You" by Michelle Branch


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