Big Bang Theory 1. Chapter 1

**AN: Ok, so in my mind, the Amy character stays the same as she did in earlier seasons. She remained in her world for the most part and video chatted with Sheldon. Penny never became her "bestie" because quite frankly, I just don't see it. This is my take on the summer Sheldon and Penny shared while Leonard was away. I hope you enjoy!**

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These summer days and nights were becoming a blur. One minute, then hour, then day melding into the next. Time was running out and in just a few short days his world would be shattered. A taunting paradox, returning him to the status quo to which he always so desperately adhered, and to which he no longer cared to return. Had he not experienced it personally, he never would have believed that time could move so quickly, that perception could be that altered, that four months could fly by so fast and appear as a mere moment in time. He clung to the notion that, no matter how this summer ends, his eidetic memory would relive these moments in his mind at will, till the end of time. No matter what the outcome, it was at least some comfort. A favorite bedtime story he would forever play over in his mind.

He just could never have imagined...

The summer had been remarkable, resplendent in fact. The best days of his life. With Leonard gone, gone too were the others. Even Amy rarely came by to sit in pointless desperation by his side on the couch. She hoped against hope that absence would make his heart grow fonder. Her premise was flawed, having been based on assumptions and on fiction. Sheldon knew that everyone thought they were perfectly fit for one other, but they were all mistaken. Just because two people share astronomical intelligence, does not mean they are meant to be romantic, nor are able to co-exist in harmony. It turned out that it was the only aspect they had in common, and although Amy provided quite stimulating conversations, she cared little for, nor appreciated Sheldon and his quirky ways. And quite frankly, he found her pushy nature off putting at times.

Penny was fast becoming an intrinsic aspect of his life. Initially, all she did was drive him to work. Then on rare occasions would swing by his office and surprise him with take out for lunch. These small friendly gestures of thoughtfulness just solidified the fact he already knew to be true about this woman. That she was his best friend. And as Leonard's video sessions with her grew less frequent, it didn't take long for her to begin spending most of her free time in his apartment. They frequently ate dinner together on the nights she didn't have to work. He wasn't sure when it turned from quick rides and nods in the stairway, to more. He wasn't cognizant if her being around so often created a false sense of comfort for him, or if she herself needed the company. But all he knew was that almost every waking moment soon was filled with Penny moments.

If they weren't shopping for groceries, comic books, or shoes, they were playing games or watching movie marathons. He taught her various strategies when playing chess, and she slowly instructed him on the latest fashions. Penny had even coerced him sometimes into walks around the block after dinner, or an occasional star gaze from the roof. She loved listening to him go on about anything and everything. Sheldon was extremely careful to keep his hands laced tightly behind his back at all times in these types of moments, lest his mind be distracted by her scent or her gaze, and his arms move unawares towards her person for an embrace.

Later and later into the evening it seemed, she remained, and more and more frequently he would offer words that would procrastinate her departure.

Until bedtime...

That was the only low part of his whole day. When they would say their casual farewells and each would retire to their respective domiciles, to lay in the warmth of their beds and dream their hopeless dreams.

Apart.

Sheldon had no clue that the barriers would be so easily torn down. Of course he had been attracted to Penny for years, but his ego would not let him be put in a position to be rejected. It was one thing to be amongst his peers, his colleagues. He had to maintain a certain level of superiority. But with just Penny, his shields were down. He didn't need to prove anything to her, they both knew he was beyond brilliant. And he knew that she was an interpersonal savant. For some odd reason he could not grasp, he accepted her superiority over him in this regard. He hoped against hope that she would make the first move, provide a hint, anything at all that would indicate she returned his infatuation, but clueless as he was, he never picked up on any subtleties.

He didn't realize that spending so much time with her would turn his infatuation into a hopeless devotion for this woman who melted his heart. He had never felt such peace and warmth. Ever since that night months ago when they stayed up till dawn talking, he felt a shift in his mind, a stirring in his heart. His years of experience had taught him it could never be this way with another human being. But she had lay herself open to him and he listened...intently.

And he understood.

And he also reciprocated.

It was cathartic.

A release he never knew he held or even needed, as if gasping for air after holding his breath all his days. Sheldon could speak at great length about any topic, but he had never divulged his early childhood to anyone before. He knew how the entire universe functioned, but could never understand how others behaved towards him. It was confusing and terrifying. Not only was his father abusive, but so were other children, other adults, teachers. Sheldon never could determine what it was about himself that made others want to hurt him. He had closed himself off from the world for so long, it was amazing he hadn't built his fortress so strong that he got lost within his own mind forever.

At times he felt he could do just that.

He didn't know what he was going to do when the others would all come crashing back into his life. It was almost more than he could tolerate. He had let her see his weak side, his insecurities, his fears, and she took them into herself, and her eyes had dropped tears, and he saw in her an innate understanding and acceptance for who he was, completely, not just what he showed to the world, but the child within him, the dreamer, and the man.

He decided to go ahead and talk to her, of all the people in the world who could guide him, she would be the one. Where Sheldon was brilliant, Penny was wise. She would make everything OK, give him some other angle to ponder that he hadn't realized. That's how she worked. No matter the situation, she always made it better just by being her. And things wouldn't be weird between them, if anything, it might make them stronger.

He would do it...and soon.

Because time was running out.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks for the reviews! Here is Penny's POV**

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Penny lay in her bed, her heart racing with anxiety. Only a few short days left and the best summer of her entire life would drift away, as a feather on the wind. Never to be experienced again. Never to feel accepted for who she really was, to feel comfortable in her own skin. He made her feel that way, special. Like his "ahoy" when answering her calls, it always left a shy crooked smirk on her face when she heard it, knowing he saved that line only for her.

That man was a breath of fresh air. He was tall, dark, and oh so handsome in that boyish charming way of his. Her Mr. Blue Eyes, who she carried a taboo crush on for years. But lately, it was so different. So easy. Of course they still bickered about each other's habits, but it had undertones of patience and affection, their words had been worn smooth by propinquity. Sheldon wasn't near as condescending as he usually was, in fact, he seemed almost human. Normal.

She never felt so ready to come home at the end of the day to see him, and she even started a new routine for her early morning chore of driving him to work. She would drop him off then go to the track and run all her tension away. She hadn't done that in so long, it felt good to get back into shape, to feel the blood course through her body, cleansing it of all her mistakes, and starting over each day anew.

Of course, she didn't drink anymore either. Ever since that fateful discussion they had a few months ago about their alcoholic parents, they had bonded. Their lives forever linked by experiences shared.

Sheldon. He would always tell her the truth, no matter what. Even at risk of personal chastisement. So unlike Leonard, who always told her just what she wanted to hear to remain in her good graces. It was flattering at first, but after so many years, it turned stale. Their relationship had become two people taking the easy route, ignoring reality and trying to make something work out of nothing. Like building a foundation on sand.

Sheldon might be blunt, but he had no malice in the words. When she asked him if he thought she drank too much, he gave her a rather shocking soliloquy about where she would be in just a few short years if she continued on her current path. He was so matter of fact, he spoke as if it were a reality soon to be played out before his eyes. And Sheldon was rarely wrong.

It was a wakeup call.

One that no other friend had cared to mention to her.

One that changed her life.

Penny had broken down and told Sheldon how it was growing up with her mother, the town drunk. She revealed her tortuous upbringing with that nightmare of a woman and what it did to her self esteem. Her verbal debasement, the time her mother cut off her hair so boys would leave her alone, the cruel leers and jokes spoken behind her back. The time child services came and talked to her father. Sheldon in turn went into detail about George Sr. and his abusive discipline policy. It involved back handed slaps and time outs in the basement. He would feign fatherly embraces, then squeeze bruises on his shoulders. Penny shuddered as Sheldon related story after story of detailed pain suffered at his hands and at the hands of other children. She couldn't help but let silent tears fall as an acknowledgement of understanding. No wonder he didn't like to be touched, although he clarified later that he didn't mind it near as much, as long as it was not forced ... in fact, gentle touches from Penny seemed to soothe rather than annoy.

They had talked until dawn, then gone for a stroll for fresh air while the sun rose, the dark nightmares spoken to each other fading with the morning light. Penny couldn't even remember now, did they hold hands? After their soul wrenching admissions, it felt as if they could...that day was her fresh start.

Since that night, things were different between them. They stood on level ground, both being equals due to their traumatic upbringings, however lashing out in opposite directions. Sheldon turning inward, creating a wall around his heart, and Penny turning outward, constantly seeking approval in others. Burying their hurt in their idiosyncrasies, sex, or bad habits. They had a much deeper understanding and appreciation for the other's characteristics that made them unique.

On the surface, they appeared to be two completely different people, but on the inside they were kindred spirits.

She didn't even know how to describe what she felt for this man, it being unlike anything she could have ever imagined possible. To say she found her "soul mate" was somehow insufficient. A man who was content to be in her company without pretense. Without sex, without constantly trying to mold her into what he wanted her to be. He was loyal, and understood her faults, and enjoyed her company anyway. He didn't try to change her, but made an effort to encourage her. She was madly in love with him. She tried desperately to search for a clue, a sign. Eyes lingering a tad too long, a sigh, a hesitation. But Sheldon had always been the perfect gentleman. Of course he was.

She had to constantly remind herself that he had a girlfriend and that she was involved with his roommate.

They had even talked at length about his eidetic memory, how she had mistakenly believed him to be similar to a computer, retrieving an interesting piece of trivia or fact at will from a stored file. On the contrary, he never forgot anything that ever happened to him. Unlike most people who's brains force unpleasant events deep into the recesses of their minds, Sheldon would re-live them in complete and excruciating detail. It was more than Penny could imagine. Even her own nightmares contained a sheer veil through which she gazed, never seeing completely, just reliving the feeling of it all.

She always believed herself to be the strongest of the group, fighting bullies and killing spiders. She soon realized that his inner demons were much more formidable, and began to see this man in a new light. He re-lived his nightmares with perfect clarity accompanied by sounds and smells, yet somehow he rose above and forged a path for himself. He possessed a strength that she could only dare dream of obtaining. She saw him as her knight in shining armor, only she wanted desperately to remove the armor and fill his mind with so many enjoyable memories that the others would crowd out and spill to the ground, to be trampled underfoot, forgotten as the dust is forgotten with each passing step.

She would have to make a change.

She saw how much the summer with Sheldon had made her out to be a better person. Not for him, not because he suggested anything, but because she wanted it for herself. She was healthy. Eating better, taking care of herself, happy.

Until that night, they both were content to stay in the worlds they had created for themselves, ironic testimonies to their stubborn and independent natures, hiding from childhood fears and anxieties, remaining forever in lives looking out from behind secret walls.

In each other, they had found compassion and strength, found camaraderie and understanding. And perhaps had taken a chunk out of their respective fortresses.

But would their newfound strength in each other be strong enough to push them into unchartered territory? Could she give up physical pleasures for him, and would he dare to get personal? An unknown worthy of pursuit... for those who dared to seek.


	3. Chapter 3

Sheldon woke as he did on every Saturday, fixed himself a bowl of cereal, and went to sit down to watch Dr. Who. To his pleasant surprise, there lay Penny, in golden beauty, gently breathing, an image as beautiful to him as the rising sun outside. He stood there transfixed, his eyes free to roam her face without shame, imprinting onto his mind her every minute detail. Then suddenly he felt as if he were violating a private moment, and turned towards the bar as he heard her speak behind him...

"...good morning sweetie..."

He remained facing the kitchen, cereal bowl in hand. Pondering what events in his life had transformed him into a man who would let a woman sleep in his spot while he modified his Saturday morning routine. As quickly as the thought came to him, he determined he no longer cared.

"Good morning, Penny."

"...couldn't sleep last night. Hope you don't mind I came and crashed on your sofa, I just didn't want to be alone."

_so you came here... _

"You are always welcome here Penny. I hope you know that."

Penny thought how peaceful the morning was compared to last night, how at ease she was in this man's presence_. _ She saw him with different eyes, ever since that evening they opened up to each other. His routines and quirks made him who he was and she adored him for it. His schedules allowed her to feel secure, yet what came out of his mouth at any given time kept her on her toes. It was comforting and exciting all at the same time.

_I could face each new day with this man._

Half her hair fell all around her shoulders and only a few strands still remained atop her head in a messy bun. She smiled at him and moved over and patted his spot, indicating she wanted him to sit beside her.

Sheldon was in another world. The sun was rising behind her and she seemed more radiant than the light. The moment left him feeling as if he belonged here with her, a feeling that was foreign to him, yet exciting. He turned and moved towards her without a conscious thought, his limbs moving without instructions from his brain, as if floating, and sat down beside her. As if he had nothing else in the world to do but to sit by this woman.

"I ended things with Leonard last night."

_And there it was. Just like that._

The words when spoken aloud gave him flutters in his gut that shot down through his legs then back up to his pounding heart. They seemed both ominous and exulting at the same time when spoken aloud. This morning was making him feel like he might possibly still be dreaming.

They weren't able to share the evening together because Penny had a scheduled call due from Leonard last night... the information left him feeling jealous and guilty simultaneously. He had trouble falling asleep.

Sheldon thought it was unlike Penny to handle matters in this way, behind small laptop screens in a chat session. She was more of a face to face social creature, for better or worse. He had always marveled at her confrontational nature.

"Is that so?" he said matter-of-factly. " How did he take it?" and wondered to himself what instigated the fateful discussion.

"Not great, but better than I thought. Of course, I couldn't get upset at that, seeing as how..."

she bent her head and stared down, shuffling her feet and searching for words...

"...as how I haven't really been missing him like I should...I guess..."

Sheldon, still holding his bowl of wheat paste, sat the item on the coffee table and turned to look at Penny, still staring at her feet. Her vulnerable state left him feeling oddly in need of defending her.

"I think it only fair Penny that I take the blame for most of that, as I have been taking up a great deal of your time since all my other friends appear to have abandoned me this summer."

This statement made Penny feel particularly sad, to think this man's friends cared so little for him. But inwardly she reflected how glad she was that they were left alone all summer. It was Penny's turn to put Sheldon at ease now, seeing as how she was probably making him feel uncomfortable, plus she ruined his breakfast.

"Actually Sheldon...I've been having a really good time with you these past few months."

_Could that be true? He had felt a shift, but wasn't sure if she had felt it too_.

" Leonard wasn't calling to tell me when he would be home, but that his mission was being extended for eight more weeks. It sort of gave me the courage to speak up. I think he's in his element, doing you know, experimental stuff on that ship. He's getting recognition and some much needed attention. He feels important, and there are undoubtedly some women there. I know they have parties, we talked during one once. He didn't seem to be missing me, in fact, he might have come to the realization that I did, that we really don't have that much in common, other than we live across the hall from each other."

There was a pause, then she continued.

"I could tell he was disappointed at first, but we talked it out. We talked actually for an hour and a half, and by the end of it, it was like it used to be when we were just friends. A little bit awkward, but easy, natural. Nothing forced. I think he was OK with it. Really. I even told him you and I were spending all our time together and had become great friends. He was surprised, but didn't comment. It was great to get all that off my shoulders. Afterwards though, I just felt, I don't know, kinda lonely. I hope you don't mind, I came over here and just sleeping in your spot made me feel better. I didn't want to wake you."

Sheldon's mind was spinning furiously, working out the varying possibilities that could prove true depending on the various actions he took at this exact moment, his mind veering off to alternate universes and infinite Sheldons...her voice brought him back to the moment.

"You don't act that surprised."

He wasn't sure what all this meant, but decided to go ahead and discuss what had been on his mind.

"Well, the truth is Penny, I've been enjoying our time together as well these last few months."

His blue eyes looked at her with such genuine sincerity, Penny's heart began to beat faster.

"In fact, as I look back over my life, I can't think of a single time when I've ever been more content."

She didn't know when she had ever seen him look so human. He continued staring at her. "I was planning on asking you about it later today. I don't understand why now, when my whole schedule and routine I've built over the last 6 years is in utter ruin, I feel more at peace than I have in my entire life."

He felt like he had said too much, but it felt good to get it out. He wasn't sure what would happen next, but knew Penny well enough that they could say anything in front of each other and it was always OK. He learned that months ago. Even sometimes harsh words spoken when they were arguing were always OK. I guess it was because they each knew each other so well.

So he narrowed his eyes and added, "And you know that I predicted your dalliance with Leonard to be doomed years and years ago. Honestly, I don't see what you ever saw in that man."

She looked up into his face, and it was his turn now to stare at his feet.

Sheldon was completely out of his element, and Penny intuited it immediately. She was happy to know they were both in the same place, whatever "this" place was. So they both had the best summer of their life? This was huge. She wasn't sure if she should push it. She reached out her hand, and lifted his chin till his beautiful blue bottomless eyes were staring straight through to her soul. She saw anxiety there, like he didn't know if he had said the right thing, but desire as well. Penny knew that look.

She decided to lighten the mood. She knew Sheldon was waiting for her to explain what he was feeling to her, but she needed a bit more time.

"We're best friends Sheldon. It's not wrong for us to enjoy each other's company."

While she let that soak in, she stretched like a lioness, and let out a huge yawn.

"Hey, why don't I go get dressed and come back and watch Dr. Who with you. After that we can go run some errands, and I promise we'll talk some more about this later. It's too early and I need coffee. You need Dr. Who and cereal. How does that sound?"

Sheldon just knew she would make everything better.

"That sounds acceptable. I'll go start the coffee and see you in..." he checked his watch, "...6 minutes and 30 seconds, and Penny..._he gave her that look that was half scorn, half playful..._ please don't be late."

He glared and squinted his eyes at her.

_He was adorable._

"See you in six minutes moonpie."

And just like that, his heart flew out the door. It wasn't until it "clicked" behind her, that he thought to correct her that only his meemaw calls him moonpie.

And for the second time that morning where she was concerned, he found he just didn't care.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I am considering deleting the M chapter I wrote for later, and turning this into a T rating. I had an epiphany last night about something personal and it leaked over into this story. Still haven't made up my mind. Ok, so here we are with Penny and Sheldon's errands. There is another chapter or two, then we'll see how it ends. Decisions, decisions! Hope you enjoy!**

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Sheldon couldn't believe how this day was progressing. He thought his face would break the way he kept smiling all morning while he and Penny went here and there. This day couldn't get much better.

Just last night, he had watched Penny leave to go home and talk to Leonard. He lay awake most of the night predicting when his perfect summer would end. This morning he woke to find her on his couch and a free woman. Not only that, they had two more months together.

He was glad he told her how he felt about this summer. He wasn't sure what was going to happen next, but Penny promised to talk about it and he trusted her. There were so many things he had wanted to say to her, but she was right. They needed to wait for a better time. Because although she was getting much better, Penny still wasn't much of a morning person.

As they went about their morning, she riled him up and contradicted him, and almost never let him get his way. She interrupted him and changed the subject constantly, but when he huffed and turned to scold her, he would see the brightest smile on the planet and he would realize it was all worth it.

She got him. She _really_ got him. She would let him get his way when she knew it was really important, but not when she knew it was just out of habit. That's how she kept things exciting. Sometimes he himself didn't know which was which. Then just when he thought he would have to give in, she would agree to the most baffling of his idiosyncrasies. He had never thought he could share his life with another human being and still be himself.

He also knew she thought the same thing.

It was this revelation they shared that changed everything. He wished he had opened up to her years ago.

.

Penny marveled at how such mundane tasks seemed fun when she was with Sheldon now. She thought back to all the times he used to irritate her, but that was before she knew him so well. And he was so different around her now anyway. He seemed to be enjoying himself just as much. Even when she teased him. They still bickered over just about everything, down to which car games they would play, but it was the fun bickering kind. The playful kind. The kind that gets your heart beating faster, and stretches out your smile. When Sheldon smiled like that, she wondered how she had ever kept her hands off of him before.

She remembered the first day she met Sheldon. He had grabbed her attention right away, with his bashful smile, and his smoldering eyes. The way he leaned into his white board and explained that joke she would never understand. She didn't even notice it then, how funny he could be. He had the most intriguing sense of humor when he wanted to let you see it.

She was excited and nervous all at the same time. He admitted being happy with her, being content. After all the experiences Penny had with the opposite sex, she couldn't believe that her attraction radar could be that out of synch.

It exhilarated her in a way, she had always been able to read men, and it seemed Sheldon would give her a run for her money and keep her on her toes. It was refreshing.

_I wonder if he has any clue at all how excited he makes me feel? _

Sheldon always came to her when he had questions about what he was feeling. She knew he had learned at a young age to suppress most of his emotions. Relating to Mr. Spock or to science fiction robots was the mechanism he used to survive his brutal childhood. She always felt a bit honored each time he would knock on her door and ask her about life. And she couldn't fault him for that now. But one thing was at the top of the list of things to do, and she waited until they were back in the car so they wouldn't have to look at each other. 

_I'm such a coward sometimes_.

Well, no time like the present.

"So ...Sheldon, how is Amy? Do you guys still email and text and video chat with each other? I haven't seen her around for a long time."

She felt his stare on the side of her head, so she glanced briefly at him to see how this remark affected him. He looked quizzical. She wasn't sure if that was good or not.

He glanced at his watch, "I ended my relationship with Amy Farrah Fowler 2 months, 4 days, 17 hours and 28 minutes ago."

Penny almost wrecked the car. Sheldon took in a loud gasp, bracing himself and shouted, "Good Lord Woman! Are you trying to kill us all?!"

She pulled over to the side of the road and looked at him. His remark bounced right off of her. Horns honked as they moved around her car.

"You ended it with Amy?"

"Penny, are you ill? Not only can you not seem to operate a motor vehicle, but your hearing seems impaired as well. Yes, that is what I just stated."

Penny's mind was reeling. Two months, 4 days, what did he say? That was that night. She knew it was. That was that magical, awful, soul wrenching perfect night. Sheldon, social misfit that he is had seen it for exactly what it was. Felt something, and did the right thing. Ended his relationship with another woman. Why? Because...because he had started to have feelings for her.

Penny felt the familiar wave of self loathing wash over her. She couldn't look at Sheldon. She knew exactly what was going on between them yet stayed with Leonard. Let Sheldon believe she was off limits. My God! What he must have been going through these last few months. And he had done the right thing, and she had done the cowardly thing. When did she become this unrecognizable being?

At that moment she felt more affection for the crazy whackadoodle sitting next to her than she had ever had for anyone. No matter if he didn't think he had a chance with her, he knew the right thing to do with Amy was to let her go. That he could not give her what she needed. As if she needed another reason to love this man, he had no idea just how sexy he was to her in this moment.

"Sheldon, I just don't know what to say. How can you ever forgive me?"

Once again, Sheldon gazed at her quizzically, and then tenderly. "Forgive you... for what? For taking care of me when no one else would? For being my friend when I had none? For getting me to work, bringing me lunch, listening to me when I poured out my heart? Is that what you want me to forgive you for? For crying at my pain, sharing it and keeping it inside along with your own? For accepting me the way I am, and choosing to be with me anyway even though I seem to shun others away?"

Sheldon's voice caught just a bit, but he placed it back under control.

"You have no reason to feel what you are feeling. It was not difficult to end things with Amy. We had an understanding from the beginning that things would not be romantic. Amy was a good friend, but she wanted more, and I succumbed rashly thinking I might end up a lonely bitter old man. " Sheldon mustered up some courage and went on, "But as soon as I felt something for you, I knew it would be wrong to continue with her. Once the concept took root in my heart, I knew she deserved better." Sheldon's faced turned a slight pink.

"You and Leonard are quite different. And although I always knew your relationship would be doomed, I also had faith that you would realize it on your own. I never doubted that. I was willing to wait."

He looked away, his face red for his admissions, he furrowed his brows and glared out the window, then barely whispered...

"I would have waited forever..."

And that's when Sheldon found his arms to be awkwardly full of Penny, drawing him in for an unexpected embrace. Her scent invading his nostrils and clouded his mind and fogged up his brain to the point where he did not even register that he did not like hugs. He felt his arms moving as if in a dream, not able to control them, and he hugged her back, and patted her and said, "...there, there..." and Penny smiled and remembered herself, and pulled back and stared up into his perfectly blue eyes.

"I'm sorry Sheldon. But that was the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me. EVER."

They sat locked in place, Sheldon's gaze intense, he almost leaned in, but at that moment another horn honked breaking the spell. He became painfully aware that they were on the side of the road. Sheldon ever the realist, straightened up and took charge of the moment.

"Not to worry Penny. I find that hugs aren't as bad as I thought they were. As long as they are from you, I feel that I have probably built up a significant immunity to any germs on your person by now."

Penny smiled. She knew him better than she had before. That was just Sheldon's way of saying his wall was coming down, just a bit.

It was a start.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Thanks so much for your kind reviews. Another insight chapter, then things get a tad interesting in the next. Enjoy!**

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If the weeks prior to that day had been resplendent, Sheldon did not know quite what to call the weeks that followed. It was as if some unknown source in the space time continuum had come and propelled him off to an alternate dimension. Every notion that had been solidified in his brain up to that point was subtlety shifting, and morphing into something brand new, exhilarating...even cosmic.

Sheldon had always believed his life was destined to forgo most earthly pleasures and spend his pursuits solving the mysteries of the universe. He was quite pleasantly surprised to find that his work excelled exponentially during this time, and chided himself for not realizing it in the past.

While his basal ganglia occupied his mind continually pondering the implications that were Penny, the freeing of his prefrontal cortex to work on string theory and monopole activity allowed him to make one breakthrough after the other. He never felt closer to his lifelong goal than he did during this time. He stood a little taller, carrying an aura of confidence on his shoulders. His colleagues started seeing him in a new light. He felt delightfully satisfied, where as only months ago he was terribly frustrated.

He found the transformation extremely confusing, but Penny guided him and took everything in stride. She understood interpersonal implications like he understood sub atomic particles, and was not in the least surprised at the delightful course their lives were taking. They discussed these things at great length in the evenings on the couch. Sheldon was concerned he was becoming a "hippie" and relayed his concerns to Penny, but she said not to worry, it would not affect his "beautiful genius mind" but would be good for it.

She was right. He had never been closer to his dreams.

_She truly was a genius._

He found that his affection for her grew each day, yet each day he felt as if it could grow no stronger. This baffled him completely, his capacity to love her more, and he pondered the infinite implications and began to understand it slowly as he compared it to the ever expanding universe. She was like a chameleon, changing throughout each day as she glided in and out of his life. From morning, tangled, natural mess, to a made up adorned evening presence, she was golden and brilliant and he never knew how her appearance throughout each day would affect him next.

The pivotal turning point since that day in the car on the side of the road, was that they continued on as before. They did not create words for what "this" was. It was just understood to them both that they belonged together. Penny didn't want to define or label it. They were experimenting, and neither really knew how to behave in this new world they had created for themselves. Slowly creeping out from behind the lives they had created for themselves, they started forging something new.

She had told him her "big ole five" tendencies did not apply with him and that the roles would need to be reversed until Sheldon found it agreeable and comfortable. She had promised (yes, made him look into her eyes) that she would never pressure or make him feel as though he needed to do anything physical. He was in control of that aspect (and in his element) and it electrified him to know wholeheartedly that his advances would only go as far as he desired.

Occasionally he would grasp her hand on the sofa, or pull her to him while watching TV. When Sheldon did these things, he felt a new wave of confidence and superiority wash over him. Not superior to Penny, but superior to every other man in the human race. For when he gazed upon her, he couldn't believe that he was who she chose. He may never believe it.

When they said goodnight, they always held each other in a warm embrace. Sheldon not only enjoyed these activities, he delighted in choosing what to do next, and for how long. He catalogued all these changes in that big brain of his, and analyzed and calculated and tried to make order of it, but try as he might, the swirling vortex of entropy across the hall was just not stable enough to formulate, and Sheldon found that secretly, he was extremely grateful.

.

.

Penny never knew that life could be so fulfilling. That this level of intimacy could be achieved on an emotional and mental level. She wondered how she could have had it so wrong all her life, that jumping straight into bed with a man would complete her somehow. She had always awoke feeling as empty as a broken shell. What she had with Sheldon was life changing, a revelation. It was as though she was living a dream, yet didn't have that "when am I going to wake up" feeling. Sheldon never ceased to amaze her.

Each day he did some small gesture that sent her soaring to the outer reaches of the galaxy with love for him. How he made her stay in the car until he came around and opened the door for her because "momma raised me a gentleman." She felt like a school girl while she watched his tall frame slowly move to her side and lift her out of her seat.

He was romantically charming in his own naive little way without even knowing what he was doing. He took her on the roof when there was an interesting phenomenon occurring and the way her stood behind her, with his breath so close to her ear, and lifted his arm to guide her sight to some point in the sky, was as if she were on a rocket headed for that very place with him at that moment.

One day when she arrived to pick him up for work, he handed her a dandelion flower, and said "Here, this is for you."

Penny didn't have the heart to tell him weeds might not be an appropriate flower to give someone, but she barely registered the thought when he continued, "I saw it growing up out of the middle of the sidewalk. It reminded me of you, how no matter what life has thrown your way, you will always reach for the sun and shine."

_Ok, so who says you can't give weeds? _

She couldn't believe Sheldon had always had this capacity in him to be so honestly charming. Nothing was ever fake or forced.

She had to actively restrain herself from pouncing on him each morning when he met her in his kitchen while she was pilfering milk. His mussed up hair, unshaven face and open robe had her biting the her bottom lip more than she would admit.

Trust was the key if this was ever going to lead to something more, and Penny made damn sure Sheldon trusted her beyond any doubt. Rather than peel back the layers of his fortress slowly, she wanted Sheldon to take the wall down himself, brick by brick, and discover something new and pleasant after each removal.

She would never push but encourage him to be who he was, which was a discoverer of new things. A researcher, and inquisitive mind. She knew it would eventually happen, and having it happen naturally, for both parties was her ultimate goal. Selfish satisfaction on her part would only lead her to feel shame and guilt, and she was in constant reminder to herself that was what she was working away from. Besides, it didn't hurt for her to practice reigning in her own destructive tendencies.

And Sheldon WAS inquisitive. Slowly relishing each touch, every feel of her hand, the amount of pressure he would use for an embrace, what it did to her heart rate, her pupils, she knew he was categorizing all these things and storing them for later use. It was that later use part that had her weak in the knees each time she saw him. The way he would stare at her with intensity, like she was a mystery to be solved, made her want to befuddle him all the more. It was great fun watching him come into himself with this and she felt honored to be the one to share it with him.

They still bantered constantly over the red check engine light, her messiness and his OCD way of performing every single task, but secretly she knew his thoroughness and complete absorption into everything he tried, and his desire to be the best at everything, would come back to her in abundance once the great mind of Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper decided it was time.


	6. Chapter 6

"I was wondering if you'd like to sleep with me this evening" was the matter of fact way he phrased it to her that one day. Penny stumbled on the stairs, and Sheldon had to place his hand on her back so she wouldn't go flying down in a tumbled mess.

Penny's mind started to buzz. "Wh...wh... what did you say?"

"Penny! I really don't see what you could have possibly found confusing in that statement, I asked you if you wanted to sleep with me this evening."

Penny stopped and leaned against the wall for support, "Sheldon, this is big. Are you sure you know what you're asking?"

He looked at her quizzically in that way that had him exasperated and stated, "Do I KNOW what I'm asking? I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it. Honestly Penny, sometimes I wonder how well you know me."

Penny let it bounce of her again, as she did a lot of what he said and spoke carefully.

"Sheldon this is a big step in our relationship. I mean we haven't even kissed yet, and to sleep together...I mean, it will be really intense, you need to be prepared for what it will entail, and..."

"Oh Good Lord woman, you really need to get your ears checked by an otolaryngologist, the way you are stumbling about on the stairs and not understanding simple sentences, the operative word being "sleep". I don't believe I made any reference to coitus whatsoever."

Penny rolled her eyes.

He had floored her, and she was oddly surprised that she felt relieved. Right now everything was perfect as it was. She didn't know when it happened, but having a healthy relationship with a man, and taking things the slow old fashioned way made her feel good about herself. She wasn't sure if SHE was ready to take things further. It was surprisingly refreshing.

Sleeping with him was pushing his boundaries enough as it was. Their good night embraces were getting like Romeo and Juliet, never wanting to say goodbye until it was morning. This might allow them to get some much needed sleep. Yes, this was perfect.

"I'd love to Sheldon. What are the proposed parameters ?" she was getting good at speaking Sheldonese.

"Showers, teeth brushing and mouthwash for each of us, freshly washed pajamas, and your skin will need to be covered to an optimum level."

Her eyes were going to get stuck if she kept rolling them as hard as she did around him.

"...oh, and a sufficient allowable time to achieve REM which will mean retiring earlier than normal. Drifting to sleep with you in my arms will be quite the undertaking as I will most assuredly be continually trying to slow my heart rate while near to your person."

And just like that she was back on cloud nine. And without even knowing he did it, he had her heart racing again.

"Sheldon, you are a delight." she patted his cheek. "I agree to your terms. I suppose it will be in your bed and not mine since your sheets have just been washed. I look forward to this new shift in our paradigm."

Sheldon beamed at her with such pride, she thought she would never be able to move from that spot on the stairs.

"As do I Penny, as do I."

.

.

Penny felt like a teenager on a first date, as she so often did around Sheldon. They ate dinner, cleaned up and watched TV for a bit and snuggled in each other's arms. When 9:00 rolled around, they each went to shower and Penny returned in a horrendous pajama set that covered her entire body except her neck, her forearms, and her legs from the knees down. She felt like she was coming over for a slumber party.

Sheldon thought she looked delightful.

"Penny, thank you for adhering to my pajama request. Are you prepared to retire?"

"I'm ready moonpie."

He gave her a glare, but didn't say anything. He bowed and spread his arm across the entrance to the hallway and said with his eyes "ladies first" and Penny felt a flutter in her mid region. She wasn't sure she was going to be able to do this, but Sheldon seemed so prepared, she found her feet moving one in front of the other and before she knew it she was entering his room.

Neither of them spoke. The chemistry between them in the bedroom hung thick in the air.

As agreed, Sheldon was in charge. He moved to one side of the bed and pulled down the sheets for her and hinted with his eyebrows as if to say, "this is your side" and she nodded and got under the covers. He pulled them up over her then went to his side of the bed and sat down. Penny could sense his tension and Sheldon's heart was racing. He seemed to be hesitating, as if deciding if this was a good idea. Penny was worried, but then in the next moment, she saw him take off his outer shirt.

_Whew!_

He slid off his slippers and climbed into bed under the sheets in excruciating slow motion. He lay there for a moment just to still his breathing before turning on his side to face her.

Penny looked into his ardent blue eyes burning into hers with desire and confusion and excitement. He seemed to want to pounce on her and run from her all in the same look. He looked so masculine lying there with his evening stubble, his white t-shirt, and messy hair. He reached his hand up to her face and brushed her hair back from her eyes and let his hand linger on her cheek. His thumb moved back and forth against her face while he gazed with intensity into her eyes. He seemed to be searching for answers, answers to what questions, only he knew.

Penny mimicked him and put her hand on the side of his face. He closed his eyes slowly as if her touch healed him. That this gesture brought such a look of contentment to his face, made tears sting her eyes. She pushed them down, deeply longing that she could erase all his hurt and pain so easily. He breathed in and out several times before opening his eyes again.

Her insecurities seemed to fade as this man beside her looked at her like she was his only hope for a normal life.

After a minute or two, Penny felt she should guide him just a little, so she slowly leaned into him, kissed him lightly on his cheek and whispered, "...this is nice..."

Sheldon's crooked smile told her he agreed. He leaned in slowly and kissed her gently on the lips.

Time.

Stood.

Still.

He pulled away and his eyes were glassy and hooded.

Before she could let anything get out of hand, she placed her hand over the one that was caressing her face, and after a tender smile, gently rolled over while simultaneously snuggling up to his person, taking his arm to surround her in a protective embrace.

The feel of her pressed against him and the response he felt was unexpected. As their bodies molded to each other, Sheldon felt not sexual, or base, but peacefully content, like slipping slowly into a bath of warm water. Their feet moved playfully for a bit before finding a natural position.

_"I love you Sheldon"_ she whispered.

Sheldon let the feeling rush over him and again analyzed all the responses before allowing all his muscles to relax, to breath in deeply the scent of her hair, to be entirely grateful for the trust she gave him in taking everything at his pace, and stated with absolute certainty,

"I love you too my angel...sleep well."


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Thank you everyone for your support of all this lemony Shenny fluff! I think there are only one or two chapters left. They had all been written up to this point, but now I have to write an alternate T rated ending. There will be slight angst creeping in, but nothing they can't overcome. Hope I can make it work!**

* * *

It was so like them to talk and argue for hours on end about which Thai restaurant was best or which movie they should watch. Yet something as life changing as their sleeping arrangement, they hadn't discussed at all. Since that first night, they just fell right into the routine. That's how perfect it felt.

Sheldon had experimented with different ideas each time while they lay and drifted off. Kissing her on the back of the neck, or gliding his hand slowly up and down her arm. The feel of her skin on his lips and on the tips of his fingers lingered while he lay next to her and was the last thought in his head as he drifted off to sleep. It seemed that wherever Sheldon touched her, the blood would go rushing to that point to heat her skin and Penny would tingle with excitement. Sheldon was slowly acclimating himself to the barrage of sensations with each new idea.

They had experimented with kissing...it was intoxicating. Or as Sheldon called it, addictive.

He became quite adept at eliciting sounds from Penny which fascinated him and which awakened even more surprising desires in himself. He was keeping a careful mental storage of all her responses, as well as his own. And as with his love, he didn't think he could be more attracted to her, yet each night, his desire grew.

Sheldon wasn't exactly sure what his reason was for not just giving in. He had been studying the subject most of his life since puberty. He told people he wasn't interested in it, because experience had showed him that he would probably be alone his whole life. But secretly, he always wondered what the experience would be like.

Yet now he was sharing a bed with the most beautiful woman in the world, a woman with whom he also felt a kindred attachment. Normally in this type of situation, he would go to Penny for advice.

So now what should he do?

.

He went to Penny.

.

Thus their pillow talk each night became private little conversations that exposed more of their souls, and they grew even closer with each revelation. It turned out that both of them were anxious. Sheldon's questions were more physical like, "what if I don't do it right" or "what if it's not what you expected"

or worse still...

"what if it changes everything?"

He was privately concerned that if not perfect, their relationship would be doomed. Everything was already wonderful as it was. But this hung over them like a small cloud.

Penny knew her history and almost all her hook ups ended soon after she gave it away. She knew Sheldon was different, but the insecurities she felt still presented themselves. Sex was always the way to get the man. But this was not sex they were delaying. This would be making love. And although Penny thought she had experienced that a few times, she looked back and realized she never had. This emotional connection she had with Sheldon would make it an entirely new experience. How vulnerable would it make her? And how would she ever get over him if he broke her heart? How was she supposed to keep him? Was she enough for a beautiful mind genius?

So they would lay in each other's arms with their private thoughts.

It made Penny mad that they were taking a step backwards into their insecurities, yet for the first time in her life she didn't know how to fix it. She always fixed everything else in life with sex or alcohol. But she also knew that this closeness between them, the way they could lay and talk like this, was the foundation for all good relationships.

So she tried to reassure him.

"You know what I think sweetie?"

"No, what?"

" I think one night we will come to bed, kiss each other goodnight, and then not stop. I think when the time is right, it will just happen, and it will be perfect."

Sheldon looked pensive.

"It's different every time Sheldon. We can experiment with it just like we are experimenting right now. It doesn't have to decide everything right away."

Sheldon wanted to believe her, she had been right about everything else so far. Yet as he lay with her in his arms and tried fitfully to sleep, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.

.

ooOOOoo

.

When Penny got home from her shift two weeks later, she entered his apartment to find candles lit and dinner spread out on the bar of the kitchen.

"Sheldon! What have you done?"

He was standing there quite proud of himself, and looking like a little boy on Christmas morning.

"This has been a unique day Penny. A day of celebration. I took the liberty of ordering in and making an appropriate ambience for a private evening at home. Did I plan appropriately?"

Penny gazed at the spread before her. It was not ordinary take out. It was a full meal complete with stuffed mushrooms, steak, lobster, butter sauce, and other morsels Penny couldn't quite make out. There was even a bottle of champagne chilling in a bucket of ice.

_What the frak?_

"Sheldon this is fabulous! How on earth did you ever pull this off? It's so much!"

"Penny, I would think if one understands all the workings of the universe, one could quite adequately prepare a dinner for two at home."

He smirked playfully before adding, " Plus money doesn't hurt" and waggled his eyebrows.

Penny was beside herself. "Well don't keep me in suspense, what's the occasion?"

Sheldon stood to his full height and took her purse and jacket and put them up. "All things in due time Penelope, please go shower the Cheesecake Factory off of your person and join me won't you? I have everything in warmers. " and scooted her back towards the door. Penny was grinning from ear to ear.

.

.

When they were seated and the champagne was poured, Sheldon raised his glass and began, "A toast!"

Penny was tingling all over. Her hot shower, and the appetizers and seeing Sheldon in this way gave her butterflies in her stomach.

"Penny, today I submitted to the President of the University my theorem which I believe will prove string theory."

Penny's eyes went wide. She never knew at all what Sheldon said half the time, but she paid closer attention lately than usual. He was always excited when he talked about his work recently. She knew this was his lifelong dream.

"Oh my Gosh Sheldon, are you serious? You really think you did it?"

Nodding triumphantly, "I do believe I have Penny. It must all be checked systematically and proven, but once that has occurred, I do believe I've done it." Sheldon couldn't keep himself from grinning. "I've done it!"

"So let's toast to the future of Physics, the inevitable Nobel Prize, and most importantly, to the woman who started it all. To you my dear Penelope, love of my life, without whom I am nothing. You are my shining star." and he clinked her glass and drank down the whole thing, he was bubbling with happiness.

Penny took a big gulp and felt it move all the way through her, it had been so long since she had anything to drink. She was so swept away with Sheldon's exuberance. He was being so romantic, and it seemed to be so easy for him. She felt herself blush at his toast.

Sheldon was already refilling the glasses before Penny could compose herself.

"Sheldon, that was so sweet." she raised her glass and copied him, "A toast!" and he raised his with her.

"To the most brilliant mind of this century, or dare I say in all of history, Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. The man I have loved my whole life... it just took me this long to find you." and she winked and clinked his glass and drank down the whole thing.

Sheldon couldn't remember ever being happier.

Dinner was divine, and the champagne was almost all gone. They laughed and clinked the entire evening and each one was praising the other over and over for their "tremendous contributions".

Sheldon couldn't keep his eyes off Penny the whole evening. It was all due to her. It was her distraction that allowed him to gain perspective on his theories. He had been focusing too intently at them for too long. He marveled at how he had gotten to this one point in time. He had shoved his baser urges aside for the good of science his entire life. When she came into his life he spent even more timing shoving them aside. Well his baser urges were coming back to him right now with the intensity of a shooting star. Half a bottle of champagne didn't help. He had never felt stronger or more sure of himself than he did at that moment.

He stood and offered Penny his hand.

Penny had never seen the confident Sheldon that stood before her, expecting her hand. Sure, he was arrogant when it came to trivia and science, but not when it came to human interaction. Something was different about him. It was as if he had finally taken down that last brick preventing him from letting someone in. He had worked his entire life for one goal, and it appeared to have been met. What stood before her was a man, the strongest man she ever knew, who rose above the odds and made himself famous in his own time. He stood tall and straight and commanded the situation. She was drooling with desire for him.

She stood and took his hand and he pulled her to the middle of the room, the candles flickering, and while he held her close, he hummed along with the music into her ear and swayed into a sultry slow swing, and pulled her firmly up against him.

Penny felt so safe in his embrace, she could have frozen this moment in time and stayed in his arms forever.

They danced for a few more minutes or a few hours, she couldn't tell, before Sheldon bent down ever so slowly and brushed his lips against her ear, teasing it.

"That champagne has gone to my head, I believe I'm quite ready to retire."

If she didn't know any better, that sentence was suggestive, but she wasn't sure Sheldon knew how to do that.

She met his eyes and lingered there deciding...

"let me go get comfortable and I'll be right back."

Sheldon let his hands slide down her arms as she backed away slowly, leaving a trail of hot intensity on her skin as he burned his gaze into her eyes. Just as she was turning to go out the door and head to her apartment, she heard Sheldon speak in a low voice behind her,

"Get as comfortable as you like Penny. There are no longer any wardrobe restrictions."

Her entire body flushed and she felt like a teenager again, and yet, she still wasn't entirely sure if Sheldon knew just what he was doing. She smiled her most brilliant smile and blew him a kiss...

.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Ok, so I agonized over this long enough. I could have taken a few more days and probably made it better, but I want to start on the next, and probably final chapter. ****Thanks for all your reviews! This is becoming quite the ride!**

* * *

When she returned, all the lights were turned out, and only the few remaining candles still burning were all that illuminated the room.

Sheldon was in the shadows of the kitchen putting the last of the food away. He was in nothing but his pajama bottoms and a white tank top. He heard her come in and turned to face her, his eyes growing wide. He shook his head from side to side with wonder at the sight before him, while his eyes roamed over her body from head to toe. Then he crossed his arms and leaned against the frame of the wall, as if the sight of her would knock him down.

Penny froze in the doorway seeing him stand that way in the dark, examining her. She didn't think he had ever looked so sexy.

She wore a floor length satin robe and it shimmered in the candlelight making her glow, her hair hanging in loose curls all around her shoulders. Her camisole and short set underneath showed off her tanned skin.

They crept towards one another, slowly, their eyes never leaving each other's gaze. When Sheldon got close enough to her, he reached up and grasped her face and pulled it to him and rested his forehead on hers and looked deeply into her eyes.

"..Penny.."

It came out more like an exhale, than her name. A breath he didn't realize he was holding. He wasn't sure how he would continue to breath if he didn't posses her at this moment.

He paused, not recognizing the loss of control he had over himself. It scared, yet exhilarated him. So he turned and bent his head to whisper in her ear and pulled her close.

"That first day we met I knew you were different. I knew the moment I looked into your eyes that there was a change within me. I was too lost to know what it was. But the first time you touched me, it warmed my cold heart... and every touch since then, I have _felt _it. I knew I was destined to be yours. Even if you wouldn't have me, you brought me back to life. I told you I would have waited forever, and I meant it."

"Oh Sheldon," she sighed and leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his neck. A small tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. "If I've warmed your heart, you have completely healed mine."

Before her words were barely out, Sheldon was kissing her with more fervor and intensity than she had ever experienced. She lost herself in him and lost track of her body, as it was swept up and away while her lips continued their probing. She suddenly found herself kneeling on his bed, without knowing how she got there, Sheldon's lips running down her neck to her shoulder, moving aside and removing the nightgown to reach her most sensitive areas he knew all too well already.

Their shirts were discarded soon after in a frenzy and before she realized it, they were lying on the bed, their bodies pressed together.

His bare smooth skin against her hands ignited her and her fervor was unstoppable, yet Sheldon kept pace without missing a beat. He moved as though he had mastered his technique years ago, and Penny wondered if there was _anything_ this man couldn't do and do well. They fell into a continuous and fluid motion.

"..Penny.."

_...kiss..._

"..Sheldon.."

..._kiss_...

"...I'm not sure...where I end..."

_...kiss.._

"...and you begin..."

Then they kissed long and slow and deep. Sheldon was hovering over her, his lips swollen, his eyes searching, his hands grasped her face. He was fast reaching the point of no return.

_No return_

His eyes searched her face...

searching...

_Wait_

He looked at her, her eyes pleaded with him...

The look made him pull back slightly, he waited, and then leaned in towards her again. His lips almost reached hers...

_No_

But then he pulled back even more. Something was not right, but he didn't know what.

Then he tasted the champagne in his mouth and looked at her again and grew anxious. It wasn't the champagne, it was... what? What was it? It reminded him of...

He sat up, leaving Penny heaving underneath him.

"No, I can't do this."

Penny wasn't sure she even heard him.

_Wait, what?_

" Sheldon it's OK."

"No. I can't do this, not like this", Sheldon stood up and grabbed his shirt and put it back on.

"What is it? What do you mean not like this? Sheldon. You were great. Dinner was great. YOU are wonderful. Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"I don't know, I ...I don't know what to say. I can't explain it."

"Sheldon, you can tell me anything, come on calm down. Sit back down. We'll talk it out. It's OK. We'll stop."

"No, I have to go." He was so confused, so frustrated because he couldn't find the words. It was right on the edges of his mind. He wanted to tell her, to explain. Why can't he find the words?

_How can I not know what to say? I don't know how to act right now._

Something wasn't right.

It was becoming clearer. If he could just have a moment to think.

Sheldon grabbed his pants off the chair and slid them on.

Not being able to recall something was foreign to him.

"I have to go," and he walked quickly out of the bedroom.

Penny couldn't believe it. She heard him fumble around and then heard the front door open and shut.

_No he didn't._

_What the Frak? What the holy Frak?_

_._

ooOoo

.

As he strolled in the night air for a bit, it didn't take him long to have it all figured out, once the sight and scent and feel of Penny was out of his mind. He wasn't sure how it worked, but she completely stopped his brain from forming a coherent thought sometimes when he was near her. It was what had gotten him into this fix. Damn the endorphins!

The champagne had reminded him briefly of a celebration when he was very young, at a University where he had published his first breakthrough. This in turn reminded him of his youth, and it began a flood of memories he hadn't thought about in years. Of conversations his meemaw and his mother had with him when he went off to college.

All this time it was the physical aspect of it that had Sheldon second guessing himself. And just like with his physics mysteries, he was focusing on only one part of it, and not being able to see the entire picture. It wasn't until tonight, when his Nobel prize dream was in sight, when all his inhibitions had been stripped away, when he felt secure enough to let another person into his soul, did he realize what he was doing. How united he felt to her.

But also, how he would hurt her.

Penny had mentioned something to him when they stayed up the whole night talking. That was also what had been on the edges of his mind that he couldn't grasp.

It was these conversations that made Sheldon stop. And also, a promise he had made to himself all those years ago.

_To act with honor in the face of challenge._

Being honorable made him feel like a superhero amongst those two and three times his age. It was how he made it through his first Doctorate while still undergoing puberty.

Never in his wildest dreams did he believe that he could break free of the bonds that tied him in those earlier years. Of the world he created for himself in his mind that enabled him to function, however slightly, with other human beings while pursuing his dreams.

He walked to an all night coffee shop and sat down, excitement coursing through him as the caffeine cleared his head and he realized what he must do. He sent a quick text off to Penny as his mind started racing.

"Please forgive me, all is well. I will see you in the morning. Sleep tight my angel, I love you..."

.

ooOoo

.

Penny lay in the bed and stared into the darkness while her heart slowed. Then she waited for the tears to come, but they never appeared. In fact, the only thing she could think of was Sheldon and what might have gotten him so upset, and where he might have gone.

The old Penny would have done one of two things. Gone all Junior Rodeo on his butt the second she saw him, or drink herself into a coma thinking there was something wrong with herself. But this new woman did neither. Her first instinct was to worry about _him_, and that made her realize just how healthy this relationship was.

She smiled while she went over just how she got into the bedroom.

_Whew! What a man.._

She wasn't sure if it was the rush of adrenaline or something else, but she knew he would figure it out and then come back and let her know. Either that, or he would come and talk it over with her.

She stared at the ceiling while she marveled how, yet again, it didn't feel strange to stop. How she was almost glad. Maybe she just didn't want to risk ruining the best thing she ever had.

She lay in the bed and thought about how far he had come, about all the nights they shared on the couch, and the talks they had. There really was no telling what was going through that gigantic brain of his. They had grown very close, but she didn't know everything yet. She was just scratching the surface.

So she put her shirt and robe back on and got up and straightened the bed. Then she went into the kitchen and finished what was still left to be put away and cleaned up a bit.

When he still hadn't returned, she went over to her apartment and tried to sleep.

_I guess you're trying to figure it out on your own then my moonpie._

Just then her phone buzzed. She took a deep breath and read the message.

Penny let the tears well up in her eyes. Not because she was mad that things were a little weird right now, but because for the first time in her life, she wasn't insecure. There was no second guessing, no games being played. She wasn't in that dark place. For the first time in her life, she was at peace. And the man that loved her let her know he was OK. And she would let him know everything was all right.

She felt good to be Penny.

She tapped out something quick so he wouldn't worry.

"See you in the morning you crazy whackadoodle. Love you too."

Then she rolled over and fell into a restful sleep.

* * *

**AN: I am trying to get these two people who have lived on opposite ends of the spectrum their whole lives, to reconsider how they think, grow as individuals, and meet somewhere in between. It just feels right to me in the context of this fic, that Sheldon would remain a gentleman no matter what. And I also would like to portray Penny as realizing how her destructive behavior has affected her in the past, and be willing to try something new with the right man. I think she and Sheldon together can learn how to achieve a different level of intimacy, and this feels rewarding to both. I have all the explanations and revelations in my head, just have to get this last chapter down. Hope to have it soon. Thanks again for reading! **


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Happy Mother's Day! So here we are. Not sure if there is an epilogue or not, but I hope I was able to bring this to some closure. It is much longer than I thought it would be, but couldn't figure out a good place to break it up so you have it all at once. So as not to distract from the moment with a footnote, Meemaw's letter to Sheldon is an excerpt from a quote by Bob Marley. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Sheldon put on the suit that they bought together the night he had to accept an award on stage, minus the tie. He liked the way she looked at him when he wore it. He had in his hands a small bouquet of wildflowers, that he picked himself in the park.

_Knock, knock, knock_

"Penny"

_Knock, knock, knock_

"Penny"

_Knock, knock, knock_

"Penny"

She jumped to answer the door and then smiled at the sight before her. His heart immediately began pounding as it did each time he saw her. Sheldon smiled shyly back, and before he could give her the flowers or say a word, she threw her arms around him and held on tight.

"I missed you last night."

Sheldon held her tightly back.

"I missed you too."

He breathed in the scent of her, and it calmed him. He whispered in her ear.

"Penny, I am so sorry. I should have never let myself get carried away like that. You deserve better of me. I hope you can forgive me", then he thrust the flowers towards her and said, "these are for you, I believe it is a social protocol to give the woman you love flowers after a disagreement. Or in this case, running off from a rather heated and intense make out session." He glanced up at her sideways with a lopsided grin.

_He was so adorable._

"Aw, Sheldon! Thank you!" She smelled the flowers then she looked at him sternly. "But don't you ever think that you aren't giving me the best. I know you better than that. You give 110% of everything you do."

He cocked his head disbelievingly, "Really Penny? One hundred and TEN percent?" he stared at her with his eyebrows furrowed, then softened to an impish grin.

They stood there awkwardly for a moment, then Sheldon cleared his throat.

"I was wondering if you would like to take a stroll. It's really a beautiful morning. We can stop at that coffee shop you like so much. I stayed there almost half the night."

"Is that where you ran off to? Sure, just let me grab my keys."

ooOoo

They held hands and walked and said nothing. They didn't have to. They knew after being together for the last several months that all was well. Both were just enjoying the company of the other.

After they got Penny's coffee, Sheldon took her to the park where they went that first morning after staying up all night. That was where his first glimmer of hope was born that maybe things could be different for him. He had finally let someone else into his heart, and he felt lighter.

They sat on the bench and just leaned on each other for several minutes enjoying the stillness of it and the sounds of the birds in the trees.

"Penny, I guess I owe you a bit of an explanation."

She had been waiting for this.

"Sheldon, I sure hope I didn't do anything to..."

"Please Penny, no, you have been the very embodiment of patience."

He took a deep breath, then turned to look at her. This was a familiar scenario, the two of them together side by side working things out amongst themselves. While one talked, the other always listened intently.

"Penny, you remember when I told you about my eidetic memory. How it worked? How I can re-live moments in time as if they're happening?"

Penny remembered. That was the first time she had cried for him.

"Yes."

"Well in a similar way, if something means nothing to me, or I attach no significance to it, the reverse is true. It gets stored, but it's not so readily available. For instance, I won't be able to tell you every conversation I have ever heard, because most of the time I simply tune it out. Well, last night, I started to remember something from a very long time ago, something I thought I had tuned out, and I was trying very hard to remember it."

Sheldon got a pained look on his face and looked down at the ground.

"You already know how hard it was for me when I was young. When I realized how different I was. My backwoods family wasn't really prepared to deal with my intelligence and how it made me behave. My father made things worse. It was a living hell. Due to all these circumstances, I was led to believe that the world didn't want me...well, you know all this already."

Penny did. Sheldon had told her how he thought he was deformed. How he pretended to be a robot so that it would deflect the pain. It started as a fantasy, but grew stronger and stronger as the years went by. It became real to him, and was his way of dealing with all that life was throwing at him. Penny's heart ached all over again when she imagined a toddler or grade school Sheldon, feeling so unloved...

_Just like me..._

"Then there came the time when I left to get my degree. It wasn't anything at all what I hoped it to be. I was elated to be leaving the brutality of my father, yet that seemed to be replaced by just a different set of atrocities. The parties in the dorms, all the drinking, the stares, the teasing by those who didn't understand me, it left me feeling terribly lonely. I had been thrust into yet another world that didn't want me. I was terribly disappointed."

Sheldon looked off into the distance.

"You see, I anticipated being surrounded by like minds and being able to discuss intellectually diverse topics. I longed to share my theories and hear others, be a part of something important. Instead, the ignorance and cruelty others lashed out towards seemed to follow me wherever I went. It solidified the idea that there was something wrong with me. Something others could see, but that I could not when I looked in the mirror."

Penny understood, but it was opposite for her. Where others saw her beauty, all she saw was pain.

"I've always thought I had a lot to offer the world, and the future of science, I thought it was my duty, why I was born so different. You know I take this duty very seriously. But I never thought I would be able to offer another person anything of any value other than my intelligence."

"Anyway, what I remembered was something my mother told me when I left home to go to college, that there was a part of me that was very precious. That if I kept it I could offer it to the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. That it was the most treasured gift I had, and when I found that someone special, they were to have it."

"Of course she threw in all her hell fire and brimstone as well, and I couldn't believe my mother thought it was appropriate to talk to me about that while I was heading off to obtain a Phd. So I tuned most of it out, just waiting for her to finish talking so I could be on my way. But then my meemaw said something very similar- without the fire and brimstone- so I just kept these thoughts in my heart, locked away, thinking they would never pertain to me."

"Not long into my very first semester, I submitted a paper and the University threw a faculty party with champagne and invited me. I think they received some kind of recognition or something for it, back then I didn't really care. Well, last night, all of this came back to me in bits and pieces. The champagne, my mother and grandmother standing with me at the bus station giving me a lecture on the birds and the bees..."

He took a deep breath and looked straight into her eyes.

"Penny, that night we talked about our childhood, and all the awful and terribly things that happened to us, well, I started really seeing you for the first time. It's like a veil was lifted and I suddenly knew you intimately. It just explained everything about you. Things I used to find frustrating, I now understood. I know, you have said the same about me, right?"

Penny nodded her head, not really knowing where he was going, but understanding. "It's true Sheldon. That night was a real eye-opener. You hit the nail on the head. It's like... I was seeing you for the first time. All the crazy things I thought you did suddenly made sense. And, well, you weren't so crazy anymore. Not to me."

Sheldon nodded his head.

"Well, probably what I have never told you, was what I was thinking while we were talking. I saw you, my friend, give yourself fully over and over to relationships then be destroyed beyond all repair when the guy turns out to be a shallow jackass, and it was all for nothing."

Sheldon's face contorted.

"You remember when you threw your IPOD out the window because of that one guy? Posting about your sex life on a blog. Or what happened with David Underhill? Even though at the time I didn't understand your frustration, it all started to come together in my mind."

"Anyway, I also watched you stay trapped in a doomed relationship far past its expiration date — holding yourself back from moving on and growing — just for the companionship I guess. So you wouldn't be alone. I guess after we had our talk that night, I understood your relationship with Leonard."

Penny felt a little ashamed. She remembered telling Sheldon WAY too much.

"And I have heard you say numerous times, "I really wish I hadn't slept with him."

_Yup, way too much_

"All of these pains and more are things I witnessed in others, but never had to endure myself. I was immune to them, above them, outside of their reach. I kept myself locked away. Watching you and my friends endure all this heartache made me believe I had made the right decision. And I probably would still be locked away if it weren't for you."

Penny smiled and stared back at this man who was pouring out his thoughts to her. Explaining himself. How he _needed _her to understand him. So unlike the man she met all those years ago. This was so unlike _him_, but oh so like _them. _

Then he grabbed her hands.

"Penny you told me something. I listened, but even then, ... " he raked one of his hand through his hair, "God, it seems like years ago now doesn't it? Even then I really didn't let it sink in. You were still with Leonard, and well I was, well, anyway, you told me..." he looked down, like he didn't know what to say, but he pressed on. "... that you never really enjoyed sex. Not really. That what you secretly craved was the love you never felt when you were a child. That all your premarital liasons started out as sneaking around in hidden places, eluding your mother, scared of being caught, scared of getting pregnant. Feelings of guilt afterwards, of shame, yet you continued to seek it over and over. Desperately searching to feel that special kind of love..."

_Always searching..._

"And do you remember what you told me?"

That part of that night was starting to come back to Penny. She had forgotten all about it, they were so deep into all the terrible things that had happened to them, that one little sentence didn't seem important, but my GOD, I can't believe I didn't remember what I told Sheldon.

_No wonder he ran out of the room_

Her eyes went wide with realization "Yes, I remember..."

"Do you? Then tell me Penny, what did you confess to me that night..." he wanted her to say it.

"Well, we were talking about why I was so promiscuous. I was explaining it to you, and you thought for a moment that I just liked it. I had to explain to you about my mom, and how I was equating sex with the love I so desperately needed."

"Yes, but then what did you say?"

It was Penny's turn now to take a deep breath.

"I told you that I would probably never enjoy it fully, like it was meant to be enjoyed, until I was married. That for me, a fulfilling sex life needed that security and peace of mind. That all those worrisome factors like guilt and shame and pregnancy had always left me feeling empty. It undermined the _emotional _pleasure. I had to explain to you the difference between sex and making love."

And here was the kicker.

"And I told you, that I probably could never completely surrender my whole self, _make love_, until I was united with another man in marriage."

It was true, damn it. She would have never thought those words spoken to Sheldon would come back to haunt her. But it was true. Since she was a little girl, she dreamed of a fairy tale prince that would come and take her away from the evil queen.

And Sheldon had put this all together last night ...how this man...could be so chivalrous...to put her needs first, and stop himself from what they were about to do. To know that he loved her so much, that he was willing to wait, just to make it perfect for her.

No man would have done that for Penny except for Sheldon. It made her heart completely melt thinking about it. He knew what she needed even though she didn't know it herself...

She realized that although he would sometimes get things wrong, he would always look out for her heart. He would die protecting it.

She was shaken out of her thoughts when she heard Sheldon speak. They looked at each other, both of them raw with emotion.

"When I left for Germany, my meemaw wrote me a letter. I brought it with me."

He licked his lips.

Sheldon reached into his coat pocket and took out an old faded folded up letter. Then he grinned mischievously at her.

"You haven't read this one, because I kept it in a lock box at the bank, along with another item. I think it's appropriate to share this with you now."

His hands shook just a bit.

_My Dear Sheldon,_

_Only once in your life, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes and dreams for the future, and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. __Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. __You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are._

_Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. __Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. _

_You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. _

_Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile.__Your only security is knowing they will be a part of your life forever..." _

He looked up at her, both their eyes brimming with tears at the words on the page. No truer words were ever spoken.

He didn't take his gaze off of her as he slid slowly down to one knee and grabbed her hands and held onto them tight.

Penny's tears streamed her cheeks.

"Last night, the prophecy of that letter was fulfilled. This ring Penny, is my grandmother's. She told me to give it to the woman who made that letter true. It is an antique, as unique and one of a kind as you are."

He took another deep breath.

"Penny, I want your wedding day to be special."

He placed the ring on her finger

"When we make love, I want to be your husband..."

He kissed her hand.

"I want to go through the whole morning, the whole wedding, the ceremony, and everything it will entail, and each time we see each other, anticipate the oneness we will share."

He kissed further up her arm.

"I want to vow to love you for the rest of my life. For all the good times and the bad, for sickness and health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part."

He kissed her shoulder and stared with hooded eyes into her soul.

"And I want our wedding night... to be spectacular. To be unique. It will be every love song ever written, every romance movie you love so much, every poem, every fairy tale come true. It will turn our two lives into one, owning each other in every way, body and soul. "

He kissed her very gently on the lips.

"It doesn't have to be now, or next week, or next year. But say yes Penny. Say you'll marry me."

Penny had no more strength. She slid down on the grass and knelt facing him. She placed her hand on the side of his face, like she did that first night, and he leaned into her again, his eyes closed, relishing the touch of her skin.

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper, you beautiful, beautiful mind. You have overwhelmed me. Of course I will marry you. And I will die protecting the heart of the man who made all my dreams come true." She pressed her forehead to his, "I will marry you and love you till the day I die and beyond. I can hardly wait to be your wife."

And Sheldon's mind was opened to the beauty of the universe, how random particles for millions of years floated together to create this woman and himself. And how perhaps maybe it was not so random, all they had to endure to finally be brought together in this point of time. It sparked in Sheldon's mind that perhaps there _was_ a greater force, with a greater plan, watching over and protecting them.

Together they would embark on a new journey, leaving the old one behind. And already his heart was bursting.

And for the very first time in all his years, Sheldon could say with confidence,

_I love my life._


	10. ANEpilogue

**AN:****I wanted to write a really cool epilogue, but ****I can't seem to get it together. ****It was going to be great!**

**It was Penny insisting on having a wedding in Texas with Meemaw present because it was her letter that made Sheldon propose and her accept.**

**I was going to have a great part about them staying up all night again talking, but this time it was the night before their wedding, they would be outside staring up at the stars, and instead of fears and nightmares and insecurities, they would talk excitedly about hopes and dreams and promises.**

**I was going to have a great ceremony where two loves bonded their lives to each other forever.**

**I was going to have a great honeymoon, where Sheldon ignored his phone and the university calling him non-stop about a Nobel Prize nomination. ****They would be at a rented cabin on a private oceanfront, and experience everything a man and wife should. **

**I was going to have Penny learn that Sheldon really is the best at everything he endeavors, and Sheldon was going to realize that there was never the same way to make love twice.****The scientific researcher in him would not allow it. **

**I was going to try to write about the two becoming one. ****There was to be salt in the air and on Penny's skin, and moonlight reflecting in Sheldon's eyes. ****Crashing waves and violent storms.**

**And Sheldon was to embark on a new life's mission, to unravel the mystery that was Penny.**

**And he hoped to spend the remainder of his days studying her.**

**Words had not yet been invented that could describe what each of them felt for each other. **

**_"For what would it be like to swing on a star, or walk on a cloud? Would it be anything like what I feel whenever you are near?"_**

**They ****prolonged the honeymoon week after week, as neither of them wanted to leave their little spot of heaven on earth. ****But they eventually would learn that heaven was not at the beach, but in each other's hearts.**

**I was going to write about them packing up and traveling the globe together. ****Both of them embarking on new adventures.**

**But as I tried to put all these ideas on paper, I realized that a lifetime with the right person was almost impossible to describe.****T hat with two dynamic personalities such as these, the possibilities were endless.**

**I am sorry I could not ever get this final chapter to come together. ****But I hope you enjoyed my little ride together with these two!**

**A sincere and heartfelt thank you for all who reviewed/favorite/followed this little story!**

**HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!**


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