Hobbit 1. Prologue

_Author's Note: In December 2013 I went to the cinema to see DoS and fell in love with the pairing Tauriel/Kíli. This is my take on their story. This will mostly be romance, but there will also be a little plot. Please do not read if you are averse to this pairing. I am also aware that what is going to happen in my story will probably not happen in the third movie - this is exactly the reason why I am writing this._

_The rating is M because there will be mature content in later chapters. I will post warnings._

_This is the first fic I am publishing - please be gentle when you review!_

_And finally: Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit._

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_When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream_.

Paulo Coelho

**Prologue**

"Do you think she could have loved me?"

Fíli winced, quickly glancing at the other occupants of the room in Bard's house, hoping that they were too busy with whatever it was they were doing to pay attention to Kíli and his words. What was his little brother thinking? Speaking of love to an elf, of all beings in Middle Earth. He could already picture the excruciating embarrassment that Kíli would feel upon learning of the words that he had spoken, springing from – no doubt – some feverish delusion of his. Who knew what Kíli was seeing in his mind's eye?

Fíli shifted his position on the bench in a corner of the room and risked a glance at the she-elf's face, trying to gauge her reaction, hoping she would not be mortally offended by the young dwarf's ramblings. He would never have thought to be able to say this about an elf, but he desperately wanted her to stay – right now she and her Elven healing powers were the only chance his younger brother had.

To his utter astonishment, however, what Fíli saw on the elf's face was not anger or offence. Nor did her face display the stoic mask that he had come to associate with elves, touched only by the tiniest degrees of bemusement or, rarely, distress. Instead he saw a wide variety of emotions wash across the red-haired elf-maid's face – hesitation, curiosity and something that Fíli thought looked like genuine affection.

He watched Kíli struggle to lift his arm, his fingers brushing against the slender hand of the elf ever so lightly, their fingers entwining delicately, tenderly. Fíli frowned and looked away. This was not possible, was it? How could… Yes, Kíli had been unusually withdrawn ever since they had left the halls of Thranduil behind. But his injury and the infection it caused surely served as a satisfying explanation for this circumstance. On the other hand, while imprisoned in the Elven King's palace, he once or twice thought he could hear his younger brother speaking to someone, someone with a decidedly un-dwarfish voice… But still…

Glancing at Kíli's face and seeing the she-elf's emotions reflected on his face, Fíli heard himself say, "Oin, Bofur, come on. We had better make sure that those damned orcs are not still lingering somewhere outside…" Turning to Sigrid he added, "Thank you and your sister for your assistance. You have helped my brother a great deal. Rest now. I have a feelin' in my gut that there is more trouble lying ahead of us."

_What are you doing_?! he shouted at himself in his mind. _You cannot leave Kíli's side while he is still in agony. You promised your mother to look after him, always._

He almost had to physically struggle to overcome his brotherly instincts and push himself away from the table, Oin and Bofur following him to the door with confused looks upon their faces. Whatever was –_ was not!_ – going on between Kíli and the she-elf, the least he could do was to try and reduce the number of witnesses.

He groaned inwardly. If word of this latest foolishness of his little brother got around among the other dwarves, the poor lad would never live to see the end of it.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter I**

Tauriel gazed down at the young dwarf lying on the table before her, trying to reign in her emotions. It is not often that an elf is overcome by feelings, so for Tauriel it was not common at all to feel as torn apart by conflicting emotions as she was at that moment.

_Relief_. She had made it in time, found Kíli before he could drift completely into the world of shadows, forever lost to her.

_Pride_. She had done it, healed him by following her instincts, not really having much experience at that kind of thing. She was a soldier first and foremost, a fighter.

_Doubt_. _Hesitation_. She should not be here at all, should not have come, should not have stayed. Least of all she should allow the dwarf to touch her, tenderly.

Kíli's eyes had drifted shut again. She became aware properly of her surroundings for the first time, having drifted into a trance-like state during her healing, a world in which only she and the young dwarf existed. Suddenly very conscious of herself, Tauriel made to withdraw her hand, which was still touching Kíli's in a feather-light touch, away, out of his reach.

At that Kíli's grip suddenly tightened, desperate, panicked. Tauriel stilled in her movement, reveling in the warmth that his bold touch caused to spread through her hand, a feeling that was echoed somewhere deep inside her belly.

"Stay," he whispered hoarsely, his eyes fluttering open for a moment, before he slipped into unconsciousness again.

Tauriel glanced around herself, realizing to her surprise that they were, in fact, alone. The other dwarves had disappeared and the two human girls could be heard speaking quietly in one of the adjoining rooms. Shrugging, she used her left foot to pull a stool closer to the table on which Kíli was lying and sank down onto it, her hand never leaving that of her patient. A few more moments could hardly increase the damage she already done to her career, leaving Mirkwood without being ordered so by her king, staying to heal Kíli instead of following her prince.

_ Thranduil_. _Legolas_. She winced. What had she done? For an elf she had always been rather headstrong, impulsive, passionate. But to risk her achievements of several hundreds of years over a dwarf whose soft brown eyes tugged at her silly heart when she gazed into them… She would never be forgiven. Doubtful as she had sometimes been of the king's decisions, she still felt a deeply rooted loyalty towards him and desperately longed for his approval. And Legolas… her dearest friend, companion, _brother_… He would never understand.

Burdened by the weight of her shame and overwhelmed by her conflicting emotions, she let her head sink onto the shoulder of the unconscious dwarf before her, a few tears escaping down her cheeks, slightly wetting the shirt of her patient.

Suddenly she felt him shift beneath her and stiffened, not daring to move. He lifted his free arm and moved it across his broad chest, gently resting his hand at the nape of her neck.

"Ah, don't cry for me, lass, I shall rise from this table and this – not very comfortable – pile of walnuts soon enough," he muttered into her hair. "Save those tears of yours for someone worthier than Kíli the Dwarf."

He traced his fingers along the line of her jaw, gently lifting her chin to make her look at him. From the slight twinkle in his eyes, she could tell that he was just trying to make light of the situation and that he was somehow aware that what was weighing her down was much more complicated than that. That he understood what she was going through because, in many ways, he felt the same…

Looking into his eyes, Tauriel found that she could not tear her own eyes away and her breath hitched in her throat when his gaze slowly travelled down to her lips and then back up again, an unspoken question behind it.

Tauriel closed her eyes and exhaled, mustering all her strength to not give into the magnetic pull of his eyes and instead pushed herself back into an upright sitting position. This could not be. It was one thing to be concerned for a dwarf, to save him from a certain death and to acknowledge to herself – only to herself - that he caused something to stir in her heart. But to physically express the affection that she felt for him, no matter how viciously the desire to feel his lips upon hers, to know what he tasted like, burned inside of her - this she could not allow.

When she opened her eyes again to look at Kíli, what she saw in his eyes was not the stinging feeling left by rejection, but instead a raw longing and a profound sadness.

He broke their gaze and turned his head away slightly. "Yes, this cannot be," he sighed, mirroring her own thoughts as if she had spoken aloud. He paused for a moment, as if considering whether to continue or not. "I am not just 'Kíli the Dwarf,' you know. I am also Kíli, nephew of Thorin Oakenshield, heir of Durin. Fíli is my older brother, but if anything were to happen to him and Thorin…"

"…_you_ would become King Under the Mountain," Tauriel finished for him, her eyes wide with surprise. She silently reprimanded herself for thinking of nothing but her own sorrows and how inappropriate it would be for an elf to care about a dwarf. As an heir of Durin, Kíli would certainly be frowned upon if he befriended an elf. What would happen if he and said elf became something more than friends, Tauriel did not really want to imagine.

"Dwarves and elves…," Kíli began,

"… do not exactly go together well," Tauriel continued. She smiled a wry smile.

_And yet_…, he spoke to her through his eyes.

_And yet_…, she responded in her mind, subtly caressing his hand, which still held hers.

"I remember," he said, his hand gently squeezing hers to get her attention, "I remember my mother telling me about the hard times our kind had to endure after the fall of Erebor. I was only a child, but I couldn't wrap my head around how my ancestors still managed to prevail, to somehow go on."

Tauriel listened attentively, curious to learn more of Kíli and his life.

"'Kíli,' my mother said, 'tragedy can be a curious thing. It can break families apart, separate lovers, destroy the lives people have built for themselves. But sometimes, tragedy can also provide a certain clarity. I have seen people reach out to one another in times of hardship in ways that you could not imagine. Building friendship where before there was only animosity, building a future where before there was only emptiness and indifference. Sometimes it is in times of great despair that we realize what we truly want and that we find the strength to create something new.'"

Kíli fell silent for a moment. Then he smiled at Tauriel. "Sometimes, my mother really has a way with words. When she isn't cursing me and my brother for our recklessness, that is."

Tauriel remained serious. "And have you found out yet, what it is that you truly want, Kíli?"

She should not be asking this, but for some reason she needed to hear him say it out loud. If only to feel that surge of pleasure and joy again, that she had felt when he spoke of his apparent feelings for her during his fever.

Kíli averted his eyes, looking slightly embarrassed. When his eyes found hers again, they were full of tenderness.

"I want-"

He was interrupted by a terrible rumbling and then the earth started to shake.

Tauriel and Kíli looked at each other, both wearing an expression of panic on their faces. They would not have needed Fíli - who came rushing through the door, exclaiming, "Smaug! He is coming!" - to know that they were doomed.


	3. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Thank you everyone who reviewed my story or added it to their favourites. It's a great encouragement to have some feedback!_

_I'm skipping ahead here a little... I decided to leave the telling of the story of Smaug's attack on Laketown to Peter Jackson and the 3rd movie ;) Hope you enjoy!  
_

_Disclaimer: I still don't own The Hobbit._

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**Chapter II**

Smaug was dead.

They had done it. Killed the dragon that had resided in the halls of Kíli's ancestors for such a long time. Kíli felt himself unable to exactly recollect the events of the hours past, but he knew one thing for certain – Smaug was dead.

As he dragged his exhausted body through what remained of Laketown, he saw others going through the debris, looking for things that might still be saved and – Kíli winced inwardly – people that had been lost during the chaos that Smaug had brought over the town.

His leg throbbed painfully, the wound caused by the orc's arrow not healing as it should be because he had put too much strain on it too quickly. But he had been lucky – despite being slowed down by his injury he had managed to avoid any further injuries, apart from bruises, scratches, and some minor burns. The same could be said of Fíli and the other two dwarves. Kíli knew that he should feel blessed that all of them got out of this mess relatively unharmed.

And yet, there was only one thing – or rather one person – on his mind as he limped through partly destroyed alleys, trying to see properly through the smoke caused by the fires that had yet to die down completely.

_Tauriel, where are you?_

They had all gotten separated in their attempt to distract the mighty dragon and to lure him into a position where Bard could target him with his one black arrow.

After realizing that Smaug was on his way to destroy the town, they had had to act quickly and there had not been any time to come up with an elaborate plan. The arrival of Bard's son and his announcement that his father was on his way to the tower from which he would fire the arrow at the dragon had quickly decided their course of action.

No time to exchange anything except one last look with Tauriel, the elf whose smile made his heart sing, as she got ready to dart off into the direction she had been assigned.

_Be safe…_

Grimly, Kíli realized that he had never even properly thanked her for saving him. Three times. Instead he had wasted their time together on sentimental words that he knew could never be followed by actions. All the more reason to find her now - to prove his gratefulness and also the tentative friendship that they had formed with each other.

After the battle it had not taken him long to find Fíli. He and his brother always seemed to find oneanother blindly, as if they were gravitating towards each other. Fíli's relief at seeing his younger brother relatively unharmed had been palpable. He had also brought news of the rest of their company, letting Kíli know that they, too, had escaped Smaug's wrath almost unscathed.

The frown on Fíli's face when he noticed that despite the good news Kíli remained restless had not escaped the younger dwarf. But he simply could not help himself.

"And Tauriel? Did you see her, too? Is she with the others?" Kíli had cringed slightly at having to ask his brother this question and thereby reveal that the she-elf was on his mind, even at times like this.

Fíli had sighed, shooting his brother a worried glance. "Kíli, you really shouldn't-"

"Just tell me, alright?" Kíli had interrupted him, embarrassed.

"She had yet to show up when I last saw the others. But who knows, maybe she's already gone off on some business of her own…" Fíli's facial expression had shown pity for his younger brother as well as disapproval of his blatantly obvious infatuation with the elf.

Kíli had shook his head. "She would not simply leave. Not after…"

Fíli had glanced at his brother with curiosity and simultaneous dread.

"I have to look for her," Kíli had simply stated, hoping his brother would understand and ask no further questions. He would not have known how to answer them.

Fíli had nodded grimly. "If you're not back within two hours, I'll come looking for you, little brother. You still need to rest. We have to leave for Erebor as soon as possible."

Kíli's shoulders had slumped at the thought of having to depart so soon. Of having to say goodbye. Without another word he had turned around and limped off into the direction his gut was telling him to go.

That had been three quarters of an hour ago. If he did not find her soon, there would be no choice but to head back to the others. They simply had to try and reach Thorin and the others to help, that was their destiny. His individual desires could not be his top priority right now.

Peering into an alley that was filled with particularly dense smoke, Kíli finally thought that he could make out a tall, slender figure staggering around in the polluted air. Without hesitation he darted into the alley, using the sleeve of his shirt as a protection against the stifling air. Immediately his eyes started burning from the smoke and filled up with tears.

It really was Tauriel he had seen, he realized as he drew closer. He was genuinely shocked when he saw that she was almost out of her mind with panic, turning into every direction, but apparently unable to decide where to go. He had not thought it possible for an elf to reach a heightened state of panic, not even to speak of losing their way.

Quickly he rushed to her side, gently taking hold of her elbow with one hand, while using his other hand to press against her lower back, guiding her into the direction he had come from. He did not dare to speak, for fear of having to breathe in more of that poisonous air than he already had.

Seconds felt like hours, but finally they emerged from the alley into air that was, comparatively, clear, both of them coughing and staggering blindly by the time. Kíli tried his best to pull his senses together and guided Tauriel towards the wall of a nearby building that was still relatively intact. Tauriel leaned against the wall gratefully and immediately slid down onto the floor, keeping her legs propped up in front of her.

Kíli fell to his knees before her, thereby bringing his face level with hers. He cupped her face with both hands, checking worriedly for further damage aside from the obvious. Her face was smeared with soot, but then he guessed that so was his. She had a bruise on her temple, but it did not look too serious. What worried Kíli most were Tauriel's ragged gasps for air, every breath making a rasping sound in her throat. Also, her eyes were unfocused and had not yet lost their panicked expression.

"Lady Tauriel," he exclaimed, trying to get her to focus. "Look at me!" But it seemed that her eyes were seeing something entirely else, her pupils darting from one direction to the other rapidly.

"Tauriel," Kíli spoke again, his voice more gentle, intimate. "It is me, Kíli. The one whose ass you always need to save, remember? Come back to me. Who knows what trouble I might get myself into next?"

Tauriel's breathing calmed a little, her eyes slowly focusing on his.

"Kíli," she rasped.

"There you are," he smiled, relieved that she had found her way back to him.

She drew in a shuddering breath and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, Kíli could see that she had regained her senses completely now.

He dropped one of his hands that were still pressed to her cheeks, letting his other hand linger for another moment, before removing it, too. He continued to gaze at her intently.

"Do not worry," she said, looking back at him steadily now. "I will be fine. I just need to rest a few moments."

He nodded, understanding that her Elven physiology would help her recover from whatever had happened to her among the smoke and flames quickly. For a few minutes they remained silent, Tauriel taking long and increasingly steady breaths, Kíli still kneeling in front of her, waiting patiently.

"I got lost," Tauriel spoke up suddenly. "The dragon was chasing me down that alley and I tried to hide in one of the buildings. He must have hit the top of the building with his tail or something like that, because suddenly there was wood and stone raining down from the ceiling. Something hit me on the head and I lost consciousness. When I woke up-" A shudder washed over her body. "When I woke up and stumbled outside, there was only smoke. I could not hear anything, or see anything. I thought maybe I was the only one still alive."

Kíli took one of her hands in his, using his thumb to draw circles on its back to comfort her. She smiled at him. "And then there you were. This time it was your turn to save me."

"Nah," he looked away, touched. "That was nothing compared to what you did for me."

Her smile broadened at his discomfort. "The only thing that matters is that we are both still here, is it not?"

He returned her smile and they simply looked at each other for a while, grateful that they had both survived. Then Kíli remembered that this did not mean a happy ending for either of them. Tauriel had to be thinking along the same lines, too, because her smile faded and the lightheartedness in her eyes was replaced by a wistful expression.

Kíli felt a tug at his heart when she looked at him like this, and all he wanted was to do was make her sadness go away and make the joy return to her beautiful eyes.

"Oh, screw this," he suddenly growled, shifted forward and captured her lips in a passionate, bruising kiss. At first she flinched in surprise, but then, to his utter astonishment, she kissed him back just as fiercely. Inching closer towards her, he tangled his hands in her beautiful red hair at the back of her head, pressing his body close to hers. She responded by running her hands up and down his back, kneading his tense muscles.

They broke apart breathlessly, both of them not having fully recovered from the smoke they had had to breathe in before. Kili found that he did not quite dare to meet Tauriel's eyes. What had he been thinking! She should be treated with reverence and gentleness, and instead he had simply attacked her like some kind of animal.

Glancing at her, he could see that her eyes were downcast, her cheeks flushed.

"I'm so sorry," he groaned. "This was highly inappropriate…"

"I'm not," she whispered, interrupting him. He stared at her in shock.

"I'm not sorry," she said more steadily.

She lifted her eyes to look at him, still breathing heavily, her face flushed and bearing black smudges. To Kili she could not have looked more beautiful. They smiled at each other, shyly.

"I have to return to Mirkwood," she said softly, both of them knowing that there was no sense in denying that whatever they had had together ended here and now. Still, Kili thought he could hear a large chunk of his heart being broken off and crushed by a cruel fist.

He nodded. "I know. We are leaving for Erebor tonight. Smaug is dead, but we fear that this is not yet the end of it all. Will you come with me to Bard's house, to say goodbye to the others? I'm sure they would like to see you again."

_Please, do not leave me just yet._

She nodded, smiling, moving to push herself back to her feet. Kili held her back.

"Wait," he said, "there is something I've been wanting to give to you." Rummaging around in his pocket, he produced the stone he carried to remind him of his promise to his mother. He pressed it into her hand and closed her fingers around it, prolonging their touch much longer than strictly necessary. Tauriel opened her mouth in protest.

"No," he quickly shushed her. "I want you to have it. Without you, I would have broken my promise already. Without you I would not still be here. Please, accept it."

She looked at the stone in her hand for a moment, hesitating, then stowed it away in one of her own pockets.

"Thank you, Kili," she said, her voice a thousand times heavier with emotion than you would expect of an elf who has just been given an ordinary rune stone. "I have nothing to give to you in return aside from the promise to think of you, whenever my eyes fall upon your stone."

He smiled, sadly. "That, Tauriel, is already so much more than I can ask."

Slightly leaning onto each other for support the dwarf and the she-elf struggled back to their feet and set off for Bard's house on the other side of Laketown, where they both knew they would have to bid each other farewell.


	4. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit._

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**Chapter III**

By the time they reached Bard's house, which had magically survived the dragon's attack relatively intact, Kíli's limp had increased drastically and Tauriel had to help him up the stairs that lead to the house's entrance. She did not mind that at all – while there seemed to be an unspoken agreement between the two of them that their little lapse of passion, while not regretted, would not be repeated or mentioned again, they nevertheless seemed to physically gravitate towards each other at every chance they got.

_That kiss_… Tauriel had kissed and been kissed before, but it had never been like this. Not one kiss she had shared with another elf in her several hundreds of years on this world had ever felt so warm, so real, so… right. Not that that made it less wrong in any way.

For now she had decided not to examine her feelings too closely. What was done was done and she was afraid that if she did, she would not be able to go through with her resolution and return to Mirkwood to serve her king.

And yet as they struggled up the stairs she could not help but wonder if she was not making a terrible mistake in parting ways with the dwarf that she had formed a bond with. What if they never saw each other again? If she never saw that twinkle in his brown eyes again, never felt his warm touch on her skin? Elves were immortal beings and as such viewed time and life in a way suited to endure much hardship without despairing. But Tauriel had also seen Elves who had lost hope at some stage during their existence, Elves who had become bitter with regret and anger. What if she would not be able to put those last few hours – those hours that had sparked a flame inside of her that she had not even known could burn – behind her that easily? Life without any hope of gazing upon Kíli's face again, without at least knowing that he was somewhere out there, walking under the same stars as she was, would certainly be a lot … darker. Maybe too dark for her to endure.

And his injury worried her so. She glanced down at him, noting the strained expression on his face. He was trying not show his pain, but she could feel it as if it was her own leg that had been pierced by that cursed arrow. Could she really just let him go on to Erebor? What if he fell ill again? What if his leg slowed him down and he got hurt or … killed?

Panic gripped at Tauriel's heart. She stopped dead, looking at Kíli with a pained expression on her face. He looked back at her in confusion, obviously wondering why she was not moving any more.

She opened her mouth to speak.

"Kíli-"

_Don't go. Come with me. Take me with you. Stay with me. Let us go away together, go somewhere else were no one knows or thinks anything of Elves and Dwarves. _

Before she managed to speak any of these words, however, another voice spoke up above them.

"Tauriel. Finally."

Legolas stood at the top of the stairs, his face void of expression.

Tauriel flinched, almost letting go of Kíli whom she was still supporting. She immediately tightened her grip again, but of course Kíli had felt the surprised slackening of her grip and he frowned, his gaze traveling from Tauriel's shocked expression to Legolas' indifferent one.

"Legolas," Tauriel managed to choke out.

"I see you made use of our time apart to heal the dwarf," he replied, his tone not exactly expressing great enthusiasm about that circumstance.

Tauriel did not reply immediately, carefully weighing her words. Suddenly Kíli pushed out from under her arm and climbed the remaining few steps, clearly trying to keep any signs of pain or weakness from his expression as well as his movements.

"Kíli," he said through gritted teeth as he passed Legolas, "the name is Kíli."

With one last glance at Tauriel – _anger, hurt, confusion_ \- as he leaned on the doorframe of Bard's house, Kíli disappeared through the entrance.

Tauriel shifted her gaze back from where Kíli had disappeared into the building to Legolas, trying to gauge his mood.

"Yes," she spoke up in her own tongue, keeping her voice deliberately level. "As you just saw, I did manage to heal him. I also aided in the destruction of one magnificent dragon."

With great relief she noted a tiny hint of a humorous twinkle in Legolas' stern gaze. Maybe her actions had not damaged her friendship with the blond elf as severely as she had thought at first.

"You are aware, my friend," he replied, his face darkening by a few degrees, "that I exited this building several hours ago, thinking you behind me, guarding my back, are you not? If you are, then you can probably imagine my surprise when I realized that you were apparently not going to follow."

Tauriel lowered her gaze, blushing. "Yes, my friend," she whispered.

"How do explain your actions?" Legolas continued in the same, authorative tone.

Tauriel glanced at him. Standing there at the top of the stairs she saw in him, not for the first time in recent years, the exact image of his father. A prince, a future king – not merely her playmate from her younger years anymore. But still – her friend.

She straightened herself, meeting his gaze. "I fear that I cannot," she said, feeling her face grow hot, but standing her ground nevertheless. If she lied to him, fabricated a rational explanation for staying with the dwarves instead of loyally following him, he would see right through her anyway.

Legolas was the first of them to break their eye-contact, closing his eyes for a second. Obviously he had hoped for a different answer. When he spoke again he did so in a slightly strained manner. It clearly did not give him joy to say what he was about to say.

"My father will be more than just angered when he hears of your actions."

Tauriel's shoulders sagged. But Legolas had not finished yet. "I will make you an offer, however. As your friend. Your king will not hear of your actions on one condition."

Tauriel steeled herself, not quite sure if she really wanted to hear what was coming next.

Legolas continued. "You will return to Mirkwood with me without further delay. There you will take up your position within the guard again with one change. I will arrange for you to be reassigned as one of my father's personal guards. Meaning, you will not leave the king's halls unless he does so himself and you will not traverse beyond the boundaries of our land under any circumstances. The defense of our borders will be relayed to one of your fellow guards."

This time it was Tauriel's turn to close her eyes for a moment. She understood the meaning behind his words fully well. _You will remain where I can see you at all times. You will not even get a chance to do something as foolish as before ever again. And most importantly, you will not see that dwarf and his kin ever again._

Opening her eyes again she tried to keep them as empty of emotion as possible. To her surprise she saw in his face not only anger at her actions, but also a hint of compassion. _I am sorry to have to be the one to do this, friend_, his eyes seemed to say.

Her friend's compassion could however not lessen the impact of his words. Having to remain in close proximity to the king at all times was punishment enough – the fact that she would be forbidden to stray outside on her own, however, was so much worse. Tauriel had never taken well to remaining still in one place. She lacked the stoic nature of most other elves that seemed capable of graceful inactiveness.

But Tauriel also knew that she had no choice other than accept Legolas' condition. The decision to return to her home had been made even before he had made that offer. The one thing that she could do now to make the next few centuries bearable was to mend her friendship with Legolas. Tauriel had never had many friends among the other Elves and after this, it seemed likely that he would be all she had left.

"Thank you, mellon," she replied, trying to keep fear and sadness out of her voice. "If I have angered you I apologize sincerely. I hope you fared well amidst the turmoil of the recent hours?"

She realized at that moment that during the attack by the dragon it had never crossed her mind that Legolas might be in danger, too.

He smiled, visibly relieved at her apparent acceptance of his conditions. "I cannot claim as great a deed as aiding in the slaying of a dragon, but I did rid this world of a number of other foul beings."

Tauriel grinned. "I see." She was glad that there seemed to be an unspoken agreement between them not to speak of her insubordination anymore until it would become necessary again.

Without further ado, Legolas hefted his bow, which had been leaning against the banister, onto his shoulder and prepared himself to set off down the stairs.

At that Tauriel panicked. She could not just leave without saying goodbye. Her punishment, a life in isolation and – possibly – regret, she could endure, but at least she had to say her farewells to Kíli.

Legolas sensed her hesitation and looked at her intently. Finally he sighed. If his dignity had allowed it to roll his eyes he probably would have done so at that moment. "We should pay our respects to Bard before we leave – he performed a great service not only to his people but also to our kind when he rid this world of Smaug."

Tauriel hurried up the last few stairs, trying not to come across too enthusiastic. She was grateful to Legolas for giving her the opportunity to say goodbye, even if she fully understood what he had been saying between the lines: _This is the last time that I will tolerate your friendliness with those dwarves. Say your goodbyes and make sure they are your final ones_.

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_Author's Note: More Kiliel to come in the next chapter. The friendship between Tauriel and Legolas will be a central theme of some of the following chapters, but there will never be any romance between the two of them. Just in case you were wondering._

_Please review!_


	5. Chapter 4

_Sorry for taking a little longer to update. Here's another chapter from Kíli's point of view._

_Thank you for your reviews! Feedback keeps me going._

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit._

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**Chapter IV**

"Kíli!"

Upon entering Bard's house, the first thing Kíli became aware of was his brother rushing toward him.

"Kíli, finally! We were just about to organize a search party for you. Don't you think you've already caused us enough worry for one day?" Fíli reprimanded him, slightly overprotective of his younger brother, as per usual.

Kíli impatiently tried to brush off his brother's fussing. "I'm here now, am I not?" He only wished for his brother to shut up, so that he could try to listen in on the conversation that had to be taking place outside between Tauriel and that rude, arrogant, blonde guy. Legolas.

Fíli looked taken aback by his curtness and Kíli immediately felt sorry. Fíli only meant well and while he would sometimes get on his nerves with his strong protective urges, he was also one of the main reasons why he was standing here now, alive and – comparatively – well. The other reason for that circumstance was currently out on the stairs, no doubt trying to make things up with that prince – commanding officer? Kinsman? Friend? _Lover_? – of hers.

Kíli exhaled tiredly, putting his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Sorry I'm a little late, brother. Leg slowed me down a bit."

Fíli's expression immediately changed to one of worry again. Checking his brother over he asked, "Did it get worse again? Come on, sit down and rest. We cannot risk for you to be slowed down by it when we get to the mountain."

_I might not be able to protect you in whatever awaits us there…_

Kíli allowed his brother to help him settle down on a bench, propping his leg up on a small stool. All the while he was straining his ears for any sounds from outside. Bloody elves, he thought only half serious, always so damn quiet as if they're hardly there at all.

Tauriel of course could be very much 'there' if she wanted to. He was acutely aware of her presence even with wooden walls separating them and it took all his willpower to remain in full control over his body as he remembered the way her lips had felt when he had kissed them and the way her lithe body had molded itself against his own as they had drawn each other closer, clutching, desperate.

What was this connection between them, he wondered? So delicate sometimes that he feared one false step might rip the tentative bond that they had formed, and at other times so raw and intense that it felt as if he could not breathe, could not go on, without her.

But he had to. Go on. They had both acknowledged their respective responsibilities and while a small, innocent and hopeful part of him had withered and died when she had said that she would return to her king, Kíli knew that it would be unfair to demand of her what he could not do himself – desert his family and turn his back on his duty as one of the heirs of Durin. No matter how much he wanted to.

He gloomily stared at the wall, half wishing to be able to see through it and half glad that he wasn't. Tauriel had not spoken of her comrade to him directly, but he had sensed her distress over having deserted him and, of course, her flinch when Legolas had suddenly shown up had not escaped him. Whatever their exact relation to each other was, the guy did mean a great deal to Tauriel.

_And she to him_, a voice whispered inside Kíli's head. _You saw the way he looked at her when she came to speak to you in your cell. _

Kíli sighed, trying to quench the jealousy nagging at his heart. Maybe it was better this way. She would live an eternal life on this world, wouldn't she? He only wished for her to be happy in her personal eternity, for the smile in her eyes when she spoke of the stars to remain happy and not to turn sad and wistful.

Of what awaited himself in the future, Kíli could not be sure at the moment… Would they safely reach Erebor? Was a happy ending waiting there for all of them? Kíli could not help but doubt that. Something inside him was telling him that the defeat of the dragon was not yet the end of their struggle.

Despite what his brother and other members of the company might think, Kíli had always been acutely aware of the realistic possibility of losing his life somewhere along the way of their quest. He might be young and he might also be a little reckless and prone to displays of heroism (always went well with the ladies after all…), but he was no fool. If worse came to worst, he was prepared to face the consequences of his decisions and fight to his death. For his family, for his kin. Only now he had found one more reason to be sad to leave this world and all its joys and wonders behind if and when the time came…

His head shot up when the door was suddenly pushed open and Legolas waltzed in – alright, with an elf you couldn't exactly call it 'waltzing,' could you – Tauriel trailing behind him, her face tinged by a slight flush. The jealous beast in Kíli's chest stirred slightly as he wondered what could have caused the pink shade coloring Tauriel's delicate cheeks.

Legolas strode across the room, approaching Bard who, with the aid of his son and daughters, was still busy trying to clear away the chaos that attacks by orcs and a dragon had brought over the interior of his house. Kíli could hear Legolas expressing his gratitude towards Bard and his family on behalf of his people and realized with a pang that this meant that the Elves were leaving. Leaving now.

His eyes shifted to Tauriel who was still lingering by the door, apparently not quite able to decide whether she was expected to stand at Legolas' side or not. Glancing in Kíli's direction and then back at her companion, she seemed to judge that since Legolas was not paying attention to her at the moment, but engaging in a brief and polite conversation with Bard, she was free to do what she wanted.

Hurrying over to Kíli she sank down to her knees before him, half reaching to take his hands into her own, but then deciding otherwise, twisting her hands together in front of her chest instead.

Kíli caught her gaze and attempted a small smile, failing miserably of course. "So, this is it."

She didn't reply at first, weighing her words carefully. When she spoke it was with an urgency that reflected the tight, suffocating feeling in Kíli's chest.

"We must not grieve ourselves over what could have been, Kíli," she said, only loud enough for him to hear. "Instead we must cherish the memory and learn to be happy despite the fate that has been dealt to us."

Kíli felt like crying. This was so awful; actually saying goodbye to her felt so utterly and completely wrong. He nodded, pressing his lips together in an effort not to allow a single tear to escape his eyes. He could see that she was trying to keep her feelings under control as well, both of them unwilling to show their emotions in front of their respective companions.

He leaned forward, his hands itching to touch her face, her hair, her hands, but restraining himself from doing so. His voice came out as a husky whisper. "Just tell me one thing, Tauriel." He paused. "The question that I asked you before, the one when I thought I was dreaming-"

Her eyes widened, obviously surprised that he remembered that. To be honest he hadn't initially, but it had all come back to him when he regained full control over his senses.

_Do you think she could have loved me? _

He continued, hurriedly. "What would you have answered?"

She frowned, casting her gaze down. "Kíli," she pleaded, her voice sounding strained.

"Please," he pressed on. "Please, I need to know. I need to hear it."

He did not really understand why he had to torture himself – and her – like this. She had already acknowledged her feelings, but for some reason he just couldn't let it go.

She sighed, her gaze returning to his. "Yes," she simply said.

Kíli thought his heart missed at least one beat and he smiled a bittersweet smile. He reached out with one hand, wanting to brush a lock of her gorgeous hair behind her ear, but she drew away slightly and he dropped his hand in resignation. They held each other's gaze for another long moment, everything they were unable to say aloud passing between them in silent communication.

_Be safe – I'll miss you – I cannot bear this – My love – I will see you in my dreams – will we ever meet again – I wish this did not have to end this way –_

Tauriel rose to her feet abruptly when she heard Legolas approach and cleared her throat, her expression becoming guarded once again. Kíli marveled at her ability to hide her emotions like that and did his best to wipe the agony he felt off his own face in a similar manner.

Bowing slightly she said, "Goodbye, Kíli. I wish you and your company good luck on your journey."

Kíli rose to his feet and returned her gesture. "Goodbye Tauriel, who walks among the stars. Thank you for everything."

He turned towards Legolas who had come to stand at Tauriel's side and reluctantly repeated the movement. "Goodbye."

Legolas frowned, but returned his bow wordlessly. Tauriel quickly went to the other dwarves and then to the members of Bard's family, exchanging a few words of farewell.

Kíli followed her around the room with his eyes, not hearing anything of what she and the others said, because a buzzing sound in his ear was droning out all other noise. He could feel Legolas' eyes on him, but for once he did not care. If those were the last few glimpses he would get of Tauriel's beautiful face he would have to make them last.

Soon, however, she was done and the two Elves made their way towards the door. Kíli tried to follow, but found that he was frozen in place, unable to move. Legolas opened the door and held it open. With one last longing look in Kíli's direction, Tauriel glided through the door, Legolas following her.

The door banged shut.

She was gone.

The room went awfully silent and Kíli sensed the looks of the others. He dug his fingers into the wooden surface of the table at his side in an effort to prevent himself from running after her.

"If they like each other so much, why don't they just stay together?" he heard Bard's youngest daughter, Tilda, whisper to her older sister Sigrid, who shushed her quickly and drew her away towards the kitchen where they resumed their cleaning. Their father and brother joined them seconds later, obviously uncomfortable with the tense atmosphere in the room.

Kíli felt his brother come up behind him, squeezing his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. "Kíli," he began, but seemed at a loss at what to else to say. And what was there that he could have said, after all, that could make the pain go away?

Kíli covered his brother's hand briefly with his own, but then pushed it away. "Just give me a moment, alright?" he said, shocked himself at the desolate tone of his voice.

Slowly he made his way across the room, heading for one of the separate rooms that he knew to be located at the back of the house, desiring nothing but a single moment of privacy to pull himself together again.

Blindly reaching for the next door available he stumbled into a room with two narrow beds – the girls' bedroom probably – and closed the door behind him in as controlled a manner as possible in his current state.

Once inside he could feel his control slip and fell to his knees, barely even registering the pain that shot through his leg as it made contact with the floor.

He wanted nothing but to cry and yet found that he couldn't. His whole body felt as if he was choking with the pain of having to let her go without any real hope of seeing her again and yet the tears would not flow. He hunched forward, heaving dry sobs, clutching his upper body with both arms for fear that he might simply fall apart, the parts of his body scattering across the floor.

He had not known that it was possible to hurt like that. The poisoned arrow had been a mere joke compared to the agony his soul was in right now. How would he be able to go on after this? How could he ever have deluded himself into thinking that he would simply be able to walk away from this as if it were just another fling, another harmless flirt?

Kíli squeezed his eyes shut and tried to calm his breathing, knowing that he would only make himself sick if he continued like this. After a couple of minutes on his knees with his forehead pressed against the wooden floor, he pushed himself up again and sank back on his heels. His gaze was drawn towards the small window at the other end of the room and he noticed to his surprise that night had fallen in the meantime. The window pane was dirty, but he could still make out the stars glittering in the sky beyond.

He smiled to himself, sadly. This was how he would go on. He would look at the stars at night and remember, wondering if she was looking at the same stars right now.

Getting up from the floor he made his way to the door, taking one last calming breath before stepping outside. The heads of the other Dwarves turned towards him. If they had heard his sobs through the closed door, they did not let it on.

"We should get ready," he spoke to them, his voice grim with determination. "It's time we finally found the others and claimed our rightful home."


	6. Chapter 5

_Thank you for reviewing, following or favouriting my story. I wish I could update more often, but lately I hardly ever find time to write. Anyway. Here is another chapter from Tauriel's POV. She and Kíli will be separated for a while, but they will meet again eventually, don't worry._

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit._

* * *

**Chapter V**

Tauriel stood at the railing of the small vessel that was to take them across the lake, gazing at Laketown as it was lit by the moon and the stars, the silhouette of the town growing smaller and smaller in the distance.

She had expected that it would hurt to leave Kíli with only slight chances of returning to him ever again. She had been prepared for sorrow, grief, and pain. What she had not been prepared for was the numbness that she now experienced – as if she were perceiving the world around her through a thick, murky veil that nothing could penetrate. Not even the silver light of her beloved stars seemed to reach her anymore. Now she felt about them like Kíli did – they were distant and cold, their light not warm and comforting to her anymore.

She continued to stare into the distance, her eyes wide and her fists clenched at her side. Could this be any harder?

Tauriel drew a shaky breath. She could feel tears burning in the corners of her eyes, but was not willing to give away her true emotions in front of Legolas. Of course he already knew that _something_ was going on, but as far as he knew, what had grown between herself and Kíli was merely friendship and affection. Which was bad enough already, but Tauriel thought that this would be something Legolas would eventually be able to handle, to forgive, to forget.

He could never know that Kíli had made her feel truly alive for the first time in her life, like one of the brightest stars in the sky. He could never know how she craved the dwarf's touch, how one look from his brown eyes could make her glow and set her heart racing. And he could never know how devastated she was at having to leave Kíli behind before she ever had the chance to find out if the spark between them could grow into a bright flame, how with every step that took her further away from him, she had thought that she could feel her heartstrings snapping, one after the other.

Laketown was only a small glimmer on the horizon now, even with her keen elvish eyesight she could hardly make out its shape against the nightsky.

She could feel Legolas come up behind her and sensed that he was trying to think of something to say. _Please don't_, she begged him in her mind._ If I have to say one word, I will surely fall apart._

Legolas seemed to hesitate – which was unusual for him – cleared his throat, and Tauriel thought she could hear him open his mouth to speak, but then close it again before saying anything. Instead he took another step forward and now stood right next to her. His hand came to rest at the small of her back, exerting only the slightest of pressures.

Tauriel closed her eyes when she realized that Legolas was actually trying to comfort her, the thought strangely moving to her already strained mind. She almost came undone right there and then, but desperately tried to reign in her emotions. She kept her eyes closed for another moment and when she opened them only a single tear escaped and rolled down her cheek.

The pressure of Legolas' hand on her back increased ever so lightly. Laketown disappeared into the darkness of the night.

* * *

"Tauriel."

King Thranduil's voice sounded cold and distant as Tauriel knelt before his throne on the cold, hard stone-floor. She kept her head lowered, staring at the floor. She feared that if she lifted her head to look at her king, the coldness of his voice would be reflected in his eyes.

Her palms were sweaty as she awaited Thranduil's judgment of her actions. Upon their arrival, both she and Legolas had been led straight to the King's halls. Tauriel had been instructed to wait outside the enormous wooden doors while Legolas had gone inside first to speak with his father. The wait had not exactly helped with the unease that Tauriel felt at having to confront Thranduil and justify herself in front of him.

There had been a time when an audience with her king would have filled the young she-elf with pride and excitement. Pride at being of enough importance to be noticed by her king, excitement at having a chance to prove her worthiness. Lately, and especially today, the emotions that dominated a face to face encounter with Thranduil were mostly fear and reluctance. Some of his actions and decisions that she had witnessed in the more recent past had disappointed her and sometimes she was outright shocked at the lack of compassion with which Thranduil looked upon everything and everyone outside of Mirkwood.

Tauriel hoped that this lack of compassion did not yet extend to members of his own kind…

Thranduil continued. "I do not suppose that it is necessary to remind you that as Captain of the Guard you have sworn yourself to protecting your home and kin at all times and under all circumstances?"

Tauriel remained silent, which Thranduil took as an affirmation of his question.

"Then it is also not necessary to bring to your attention that going across the borders of Mirkwood with neither order nor permission and not returning for _several days_ is not only a severe neglect of your duty as Captain of the Guard, but also constitutes a major betrayal of your kin, which you have sworn to protect?"

Tauriel lowered her head even further. This did not sound as if Thranduil would be particularly merciful when it came to a verdict.

Thranduil paused for a few moments and Tauriel thought she could almost feel his eyes on the back of her head. She suppressed a shiver.

"Legolas tells me that you left in order to assist him in his pursue of the Orcs and to ensure his safety."

Tauriel's head shot up at that, a movement which she immediately regretted when a sharp pain shot into her neck. Legolas was standing next to his father's throne, his hands clasped behind his back and the expression on his face unreadable.

"Umm," Tauriel stammered, feeling her cheeks blush. Legolas had promised that he would not tell his father of her insubordination in Laketown, but that he would take the entire blame for their little trip was not something that they had discussed.

"This circumstance does of course lessen the gravity of your mistake," Thranduil spoke gravely. Tauriel almost thought that it sounded as if he regretted that he would not be able to punish her with the same vehemence now. She quickly bowed her head again in order to hide the frown that came to her face at that that thought.

"Still, my sincerest apologies are in order, my king. I acted foolishly and rashly," she said, trying to sound as humble and deferential as possible.

Thranduil laughed, coldly. "Your apologies are indeed overdue. Also, a mere apology cannot make up for the fact that even if you acted in your role as a protector of the royal family, you nevertheless disobeyed your king's orders. Instead of following Legolas, you should have reported his plans directly to me. You answer to me, not to him"

"Of course, my king," Tauriel mumbled. For a second she had thought that Thranduil might actually let her get away with a simple reprimand, but of course that was not his way.

"Of late I have more than once felt that the freedom and authority that your position brings, has tempted you to act without thought and in contrast to my wishes."

Tauriel wanted to protest that in all her actions she always had the best interests of her kin and her king in mind, and that she could not help it if he could not see what was right. Then she remembered that her latest quest had, if she was honest, not been motivated by a desire to keep Mirkwood safe from Orcs, but by a purely personal desire to save the life of a certain dwarf, and let her shoulders droop.

She knew what was coming next, Legolas had prepared her for this after all.

"As of today, Tauriel, you will therefore transfer from your position in the guard of the borders of Mirkwood to one within my personal guard. Under my supervision you will hopefully learn to think before you act so that in the future, when some of your previous privileges are returned to you, you will know how to use them wisely."

"Yes my lord," Tauriel responded. She knew that there was no point in arguing with her king about any of this and to be honest she did not feel like she would have had the strength to do so at the moment. Now that her verdict had been spoken, she suddenly felt as if the hardships – physical as well as emotional – of the past few days were catching up with her. She tried to pull herself together for another few moments, but could not prevent a slight stagger as she bowed to her king. "Thank you my king, for your kindness and this opportunity."

As she straightened herself and finally dared to look at Thranduil directly, she saw in his gaze the coldness and disapproval that she had expected, but also the tiniest trace of regret at having to pass this judgment. Once more she was stunned at the likeness of Thranduil and his son.

Thranduil sighed and for a moment you could see the thousands of years that he had already spent on this world flicker across his face. He looked tired. This lasted only for a second, however, and immediately the beautiful but stone-cold mask that was his face was firmly back in place.

"Use the next few hours to rest. Your new duty will begin with the next change of shifts."

Tauriel nodded and resisted the urge to risk a glance at Legolas. They would have enough opportunities to discuss what he had said to his father and what the consequences of this would be later. "Yes, my lord. Thank you."

She slowly made her way across the hall, keeping her back deliberately upright. Once she had slipped outside the heavy wooden doors, she had to lean against the wall, close her eyes and take a couple of deep breaths to steady herself. Her head was spinning and once more she felt the pain of her broken heart threatening to overwhelm her.

Once her heartbeat had slowed and the spinning notion in her head had subsided she opened her eyes again. A little way further down the corridor, two elves stood and stared at her curiously. She narrowed her eyes at them and they immediately turned away, trying to look busy.

Tauriel pushed herself off the wall and set out for her room. She could definitely use some rest – but even more so, she needed a place to gather her thoughts and to figure out a way to deal with the massive changes that her life had undergone within the last couple of days.


	7. Chapter 6

_Author's note: Thank you for your kind and encouraging reviews. Your feedback means so much to me! _

_Here's another chapter. Just one thing in advance: In my version of the story, Bilbo found the Arkenstone before the end of DoS and handed it over to Thorin. I need Thorin to have it - why will become clear at a later point._

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit._

* * *

**Chapter VI**

Kíli gazed up at the stars sparkling in the sky. It seemed as if now that Smaug's fire had been extinguished and the smoke had lifted, they we gleaming with renewed power in the now clear air. He was lying on his back on the floor of the boat that his brethren were rowing across the lake towards the Mountain of Erebor. The movement of the water beneath him and the sloshing sound of the waves against the underside of the boat were oddly comforting in their regularity after the turmoil they all -and Kíli himself in particular - had gone through.

After the chaos of the preceding hours, their course of action now appeared to be blessedly simple and clear. They would arrive at the mountain soon and from that point in time there would be two alternatives. In one alternative they would find Thorin, the other dwarves and their burglar alive and well and would proceed to aid them in the reconstruction of the home of their forefathers and rebuild the civilization of Erebor. Which would not be an easy task, but one that Kíli had been preparing for all his life, after all.

In the other scenario – and Kíli hoped that this would not become true, but had to acknowledge the possibility – their friends and family had not managed to escape the terrible wrath of Smaug. In that case his brother would become king and they would have to somehow manage all of this on their own, without being able to look to Thorin for guidance.

If this were to happen, it would surely be a rocky road until they could live in peace. Negotiations with other peoples would have to be arranged – Elves, Men and possibly others – and Kíli feared that there would also be disagreement among his own kind whether Fíli truly was the rightful successor to the throne.

As he lay there, being gently rocked from side to side by the motions of the boat, he turned his head slightly to look at his brother, wondering whether he would be ready to take on all this responsibility. Fíli's expression as he plunged the oar into the water and rowed was one of both anticipation and a strong determination. In the white light of the moon and the silver gleam of the stars his features were emphasized sharply and despite their difference in type the resemblance between him and his uncle was hard to overlook. He looked … _noble_. Yes, Kíli thought, his brother was ready to fulfill his destiny if need be.

And he would stand by his brother no matter what. And maybe, one day, when everything and everyone had settled, he would ask to be relieved of his duties and remove himself from Erebor for a while to somewhere more remote, somewhere where he could breathe and find peace once again. _Heal_.

The events of the past few days had drastically changed Kíli's view on things. His thirst for fame and glory had subsided and while he was still ready to sacrifice everything for his kin and his family, the chance to prove himself in battle had somehow lost the appeal that it had held when they had set out on their quest. Kíli did not know whether it was the darkness that his orc-inflicted wound had temporarily pulled him into or the light that his affection for Tauriel had brought to his life for the shortest of times, but it felt as if he had aged a lot in only a few hours. He had experienced both the purest form of happiness and the most bottomless despair and somehow this had made him more mature, more aware of the things in life that really mattered.

He sighed. The only problem was that the things that really mattered to him did not seem to be within his reach right now.

Upon hearing his sigh Fíli glanced down at his brother. "You alright down there, Kíl? How's the leg?"

Kíli mustered a smile. "Much better. I'm almost pain-free right now."

This was of course not entirely true. The pain in his leg had dulled and what remained of it was mostly a feeling of coldness that Kíli was not sure would ever entirely fade, the remnants of the fiendish poison still lingering in his body. He did not mind, however. As long as he could still feel his injury, at least he knew that he was able to still feel at all, that the emotional and bodily pain of the last two days had not made him go completely numb. And it served as a reminder of the one who had healed him…

Kíli was torn out of his thoughts when the boat suddenly scraped over gravel and the soothing, rocking movements stopped. They had reached the shores of Erebor. Now only a few hours separated them from finding out what their destiny would be.

* * *

The sun was rising as they arrived at the foot the mountain and began their ascent. In the golden light of the morning sun the jagged grey stone walls of Erebor were truly a view to behold and for a moment Kíli was filled with a sort of giddy anticipation and forgot about the dark thoughts that had been troubling his mind. They had finally made it! The dream that had been present in his life ever since he had been a young dwarfling was finally coming true.

Dragging themselves up one last flight of stairs they arrived on a small stone terrace on which, according to the map they had carried with them, the entrance that Thorin and the others must have used was located.

Before Kíli and the others had time to register much about their surroundings – let alone the magnificent view from the small terrace – a small person with light brown curls emerged from a crack in the wall, nursing a golden cup filled with wine.

"Bilbo!" Fíli and Bofur exclaimed simultaneously.

The Hobbit's eyes widened upon seeing them and he promptly dropped his cup. "Oin! Bofur! Fíli and Kíli!" He came running towards them in order to greet them. "It's so good to see you! We were hoping that you would show up here soon, but then of course we couldn't be sure…"

From his excited voice, Kíli could tell that Bilbo probably had many questions and would want to hear the whole story of their journey to Erebor, but this would have to wait. Leaning down slightly he took hold of Bilbo's shoulders and looked at him intently. "Bilbo, my friend, tell us, how are the others who came here with you? Are they… alive?"

Bilbo opened his mouth to answer, but before he got out a word, Thorin stepped out of the crack in the wall, which, as they saw now, was actually a secret door carved into the stone walls. He was followed by the rest of their company, all of them, apparently, unharmed.

Kíli would probably have found it difficult had he been asked to describe the emotions of this precise moment. But as Thorin stepped into the light of the morning sun, his posture upright and proud, a shiver went down his spine and he fully realized for the first time that they had actually achieved their quest. They were home. And Thorin was their king.

A broad smile spread across Thorin's face upon seeing the four of them standing there with Bilbo. He strode over and immediately went to Kíli, clasping him to his chest. Kíli, stunned by this – by Thorin's standards – highly unusual gesture, simply returned the hug. Then, taking a step back and holding Kíli by his shoulders at arm's length, Thorin looked at him intently.

"I am so glad to be able to greet you here, Kíli. I greatly regretted having to leave you behind." Thorin's voice was heavy with emotion, but Kíli also noticed that he did not say he was sorry for his actions. Well, after all he had been right. He would have slowed them down _and _he would be dead by now if he had not been forced to stay behind in Laketown where Tauriel found him.

Kíli nodded, but found that he could not quite hold his uncle's gaze. Now that Thorin stood in front of him alive and well, the feeling of betrayal stirred again in Kíli's chest. Thorin leaned down a little and forced him to look him in the eye. "We will speak more, later," he said, quietly, acknowledging the pain that his decision had caused his nephew.

After a few minutes of a cheerful exchange of greetings between the two groups, Thorin led the newcomers into the mountain, all of them eager to get inside and see with their own eyes what they had longed for for such a long time.

"Restoring everything to its former glory will of course be a lot of work, but some parts of the city appear to be almost exactly as they were left behind by the dwarves. We have set up our quarters for now in the northern part of the mountain…" Thorin's voice faded away as he and the others disappeared through the door.

Kíli lingered behind for a moment, turning to look at Laketown in the distance and the lake itself below, shimmering in the sunlight. His thoughts went out to Tauriel, wondering if she, too, had returned home by now. He hoped she was well and that the blonde elf prince and his stubborn father were not giving her a hard time.

He took a deep breath and told himself to push those thoughts from his mind for now. He would need to stay focused on their task of rebuilding Erebor. And it would also not do him any good to show his feelings in front of the whole company. It had been alright while he had been in Laketown with the three others – they probably chalked his behavior up to his illness and while it somehow bothered him that they did not seem to be willing to take his feelings for Tauriel seriously, he was also immensely glad that that meant that nothing of his and Tauriel's story would be mentioned to Thorin or the others for now.

Thorin had never minded when he or Fíli – mostly Fíli – had developed an interest in someone and sometimes had even cheered with the others when their wooing had been successful. He could however not imagine his uncle coming to terms with an elf at his nephew's side. Kíli snorted. Not that this was something that was very likely to come true.

"Kíl?" His brother poked his head around the door, looking at him questioningly. "You coming?"

Registering a hint of worry in Fíli's voice, Kíli did his best to put on a bright smile. "I'm on my way! Just enjoying the view from our kingdom for a moment."

Fíli returned his smile and disappeared back into the mountain. Inhaling the sweet air of the morning for one last time, Kíli followed his brother into the depths of Erebor.

* * *

Kíli slowly walked down one of the many hallways in the mountain of Erebor, idly trailing his hand along the wall. Thorin had asked to see him and for some reason Kíli felt reluctant to speak to his uncle. Why, he could not quite say.

He let his eyes roam the long corridor from floor to ceiling. Everything was so huge in Erebor and always so elaborately decorated – almost out of proportion. While Kíli was fascinated by opulent architecture and magnificent gems and diamonds, he did not share the admiration that most members of his kin had for such things. It had always been the more intangible things in life he had loved the most – freedom, exercise, the feeling of his bow in his hand, the blurring at the edge of his vision as he ran through the woods. No, he was not a 'typical dwarf' - if such a thing existed. Lately he had lost his faith in such labels.

Stopping in front of a door at the end of the corridor Kíli hesitated briefly before entering. He found himself in a room that must once have been one of the private rooms of the former king, Thorin's grandfather. Thorin was standing at the far end of the room, studying an extremely large, richly embroidered tapestry that was hung on one of the stone walls. It covered the wall from floor to ceiling (which was quite a distance) and as far as Kíli could see from where he was standing, it depicted an intricate family tree.

Behind Thorin, Kíli was vaguely aware of a luminescent glow that seemed to originate from a small object on a round table carved out of stone. Kíli's eyes went wide.

"Is that it?" he whispered. "The Arkenstone?"

He wanted to step closer, but Thorin blocked his path. Slightly puzzled Kíli looked up at his uncle and was even more confused when he noted the defensive, slightly aggressive look upon his Thorin's face. But that passed within a fleeting moment and Thorin's features softened.

"It is indeed," he replied. "But that is not what I wanted to show you."

Kíli was eager to get a better look at the stone, after all this stone was the reason they were here now, the reason why they had travelled halfway across Middle Earth. The reason why his entire life had changed. But he was acutely aware that Thorin seemed unwilling to discuss the Arkenstone - _unwilling to_ _share_? – and so he decided to drop this matter for the time being.

With one last gaze at the stone that seemed so small considering what they had all gone through to obtain it, Kíli allowed his uncle to draw his attention away from the stone and towards the tapestry, next to which Thorin had now come to stand.

Thorin beckoned him over and laid his hand on his nephews shoulder as he came to stand beside him. "This," he said, "is the family tree of Durin. Generations of kings from this line have sat on the throne in the halls of Erebor." He pointed to the bottom of the family tree. "I cannot tell you how glad I am that I am now able to continue this tradition. And one day you and your brother will continue Durin's line. Through you the family will prevail."

Kíli smiled slightly, not really knowing what to say to this. Also he was not entirely sure anymore if he was cut out to be an heir of Durin…

Thorin squeezed his shoulder. "Kíli, if I have made you feel as if you are not a worthy part of this family when I decided to leave you behind in Laketown then I greatly regret that. Because it is not true. You are of great value to this family. And to me."

"No Thorin, I understand," Kíli mumbeled, touched by his uncle's words. "You did what you had to do. For Erebor."

Thorin shook his head. "Not just for Erebor. Also for you. I knew that you would not make the journey in your current state. I suppose I was hoping for some kind of miracle to happen, that somehow you would be saved. And it looks as if you were!" He smiled down at his nephew.

"Yes, I was spared by fate once more," Kíli said quietly, evading his uncle's gaze. He already knew what his next words would be.

"Tell me," Thorin said, "whom or what do I owe thanks for curing you so miraculously?"

Kíli hesitated. He was quite sure that Thorin would not like all the parts of the story. But then he decided that he would hear most of it from one of the others eventually and that he might as well tell him everything. Well, not _everything,_ obviously, but the parts that his uncle needed to know about.

"Well," he fumbled for words. "There is Bofur, obviously, Bard's daughters who helped…"

"And?"

Kíli's throat went dry. He immediately chastised himself for being so foolish. All he had to do was say her name. "Tauriel!" he blurted out, maybe a little too quickly, and a little too loudly.

Thorin frowned. "Who?"

Kíli stared at some spot on the tapestry with the family tree as if it were terribly interesting to him all of a sudden. "From Mirkwood. The Captain of the Guard, remember? Red hair, quite good at killing those nasty spiders…" _Skin like silk. More beautiful than all the stars that are in the sky._

"An elf!" Thorin exclaimed, perplexed. "But what was she doing in Laketown?"

_Looking for me_, Kíli thought, but of course he did not say that. "She was hunting some of the orcs that attacked us when we escaped from Mirkwood," he said instead. "They followed us to Laketown. I do not really remember that part, but Tauriel must have caught up with the orcs at the same moment when they launched another attack on us at Bard's house. The orcs where defeated or chased away, Tauriel stayed and healed me. End of story."

_And yet only the beginning of another one_…, Kíli thought to himself.

Thorin remained silent for a few moments, his expression unreadable. "That elf…"

"_Tauriel,_" Kíli interrupted him. "Her name is Tauriel."

Thorin looked at him suspiciously and Kíli quickly averted his gaze. Thorin continued. "Tell me, Kíli, are you under any obligation towards her? For what she did?"

Kíli looked at him, genuinely puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"Did she specify any conditions under which she would help you? Were there … any requests from her side?"

Kíli understood then. "You mean whether she wanted anything in return for her healing? A _payment_?"

Thorin nodded.

Kíli was at a loss for words. And slightly offended at the suggestion that Tauriel might act out of such purely selfish reasons. "If it's your precious gems that you are worried about," he said, more sharply than he had intended, "do not fret. She did not say anything about wanting something in return to either me or the others. And either way, we are even now."

"What do you mean?" Thorin replied. "Didn't you say that her helping you was the end of the story?"

Shit. He had not meant to say that last bit.

"Yes, I mean, no …" Kíli found himself fumbling for words once again."The dragon, you know… there was so much chaos and she ran into some difficulties and I helped her."

Thorin seemed surprised. "The elf was also involved in the destruction of the dragon?"

"We all were, Thorin." Now it was Kíli's turn to be surprised. "Uncle, the dragon nearly destroyed the town and all its inhabitants. There was so much fire, so much damage…"

"I understand that, Kíli," Thorin said gravely. "We did not plan for Smaug to escape. But once he had gone there was nothing that we could have done. It just surprises me that an elf of all people would stay around to help."

Kíli suppressed the anger that was rising inside of him at his uncle's words and tried to keep his voice level. "Is it really so hard to imagine that Elves, Dwarves and Men could fight side by side? Could help each other without any ulterior motives in mind?" _Could become friends? Lovers?_

Thorin maintained a stubborn silence, so Kíli continued. "Once other of our kin start arriving here, we could maybe send some of our men to Laketown, to help them rebuilt their city, couldn't we? After all it _is_ kind of our fault that Smaug attacked them…"

Thorin looked at him, sharply. "As I said, there was nothing to be done once Smaug had made up his mind. This would have happened sooner or later anyway."

"But still…" Kíli tried to reason.

"The decision whether we support the people of Laketown or not will have to be made, but when it is made, it is made by _me_. Soon enough both men and Elves will start showing up on our doorstep anyway, asking for a whole lot of things."

_Then why not just give them what they want? As far as I can tell we have more than enough here. _Kíli would have liked to say this out loud, but felt that he had overstepped his bounds already. He could only hope that Thorin would make the right decisions eventually.

"Well, if you decide to send some help to Laketown, I would like to be a member of that party," Kíli said out loud.

Thorin did not reply. He had gone back to studying the tapestry, his hands clasped rigidly behind his back. Kíli took this as a cue that their conversation was over and slowly made his way to the door. He could not wait to get out of the room - the atmosphere had turned very tense very quickly.

Thorin's voice made him stop in his tracks, one hand already on the door handle. "You've changed, Kíli."

Kíli hesitated. "Not really, no. The last few days were just a little tough. I'm exhausted." He half turned and gave his uncle a small smile, trying to ease the tension between them.

Thorin did not return his smile and shook his head slightly. "No. I can see it in your eyes. You are not the same man you were when we left you in Laketown."

Kíli did not know what to say to this. Yes, he was different. Felt differently. Thought differently. Had a different perspective on things. But how could he have explained any of this to his uncle? His uncle, who always seemed to know what was right and what was wrong, who only saw the black and the white and never the grey?

Thorin turned his attention back to the tapestry. "Just make sure that you do not forget where you belong."

He did not say anything else and Kíli quickly escaped through the door. He walked down the corridor as fast as he could without running and only stopped once he was at a safe distance from Thorin's chamber. Leaning against one of the walls he tried to calm his heart which was beating rapidly.

What had all this been about? He had never gotten into any kind of disagreements with his uncle. On the contrary, he had always admired him for his thinking, almost worshipping the ground that he walked on. Sure, more than once he had been reprimanded by Thorin for acting too rashly, for speaking without thinking first. But Thorin had always forgiven him very quickly. And Kíli had never – not once – had the impulse to talk back to his uncle. But that had been before Laketown. Before Smaug. Before Mirkwood. Before … _her_.

Kíli sighed. Before he could do any more thinking, what he needed most was some rest. Sleep. _Oblivion_. His mood brightened considerably at the thought that tonight would be the first night in a while that he would get to sleep in a proper bed.


	8. Chapter 7

_Author's Note: A big thank you to everyone who reviewed. Please continue letting me know what you think of my story!_

_This chapter and the next one will be from Tauriel's POV. And after that there is more Kiliel to look forward to, so be patient ;) _

_Disclaimer: "The Hobbit" is not mine..._

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**Chapter VII**

Tauriel shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Three quarters into her second shift as a personal guard of the king and she was bored out of her mind. Admittedly the shifts were rather long since her kin did not require much rest, but still…

Her only task seemed to consist of positioning herself at a convenient position in the throne room or in one of the smaller chambers where Thranduil held his many councils and watch out for any suspicious behavior of the visitors that came to see the king or any other kind of disturbances.

Mostly the persons that Thranduil spoke with were members of the council of Mirkwood who gave reports about various things and advised their king as to how to proceed in a certain matter. Right now Tauriel was witnessing a particularly lengthy and elaborate speech made by an ancient elf named Maeasson who gave a _very _detailed report on the current status of the harvest of the grains needed to make Lembas bread.

Tauriel yawned. The other guard who was on duty with her and currently positioned across the room gave her a disapproving look. Tauriel resisted rolling her eyes at the other elf who was a rather young and eager lad named Thrandir.

How was she supposed to stand an indefinite period of having to do this every day? Her muscles ached for movement and her senses longed for a change of scenery, fresh air and powerful sensual impressions.

While keeping up an air of alertness on the outside, Tauriel tried to let her mind wander and imagined herself running through the woods, her hair whipping behind her in the wind and the ground solid and uneven below the soles of her feet. She imagined the stars above her, little diamonds in the sky that were shining down on her.

It was not of her own volition that the shining stars in front of her inner eye were soon replaced by soft brown eyes that sparkled with a light that was unrivalled even by the brightest star. The picture was completed by a sensual mouth that curved upward into a smile, thick, dark curls and a fascinating stubble, the pleasant scratch of which Tauriel could still vividly remember from when it had grazed her skin during an unexpected, passionate kiss…

Tauriel jerked herself out of her reverie, afraid that she would make a fool out of herself if she didn't. No, this would not do. If she ever wanted to get used to her new position and start enjoying herself again, lingering on this romance that had never really begun was something that she would have to avoid. At least during her working hours.

During her free time this was of course a wholly different matter. Upon her return to Mirkwood she had initially considered simply banning all thoughts of Kíli from her mind and only take them up again once she felt it would be safe to so, once the pain that the memories caused her would have dulled. However she had quickly realized that her control over her own mind was not as strong as she had hoped it would be. Since her return she had not rested properly, but had instead been tormented by doubts, memories and this new, passionate longing deep inside of her which she had not known before her eyes had fallen upon this cursed, stubborn, absolutely gorgeous, young dwarf.

Tauriel suppressed a sigh and shifted her weight once more. Thrandir glared at her, but she simply stared back until he looked away, frowning. Tauriel had never been very popular amongst the other Elves in the king's palace, who were irritated by her unpredictable temper and her restless, fidgety nature. Respected, yes, but not regarded with much warmth. From time to time she had captured the interest of young male Elves that were fascinated by her strength and exotic looks. When it came to a more serious commitment, they had however always turned towards young elf-maids who were more gentle, more graceful and less fiery than she was.

Not that Tauriel minded, for that matter. She had enjoyed the attention of each of her suitors for some time, as well as the secret, always slightly awkward exchange of caresses in dark corners, but none of them had ever touched her heart, none of them had ever made her… _glow_.

And then there had of course always been Legolas, a male who had never tried to touch her in _that w_ay, but who had, unlike the others, been genuinely fond of her and stood by her side loyally despite what others thought of her. The logical consequence would have been to choose him as her mate, but somehow Tauriel knew that Legolas could never truly stir her passion nor capture her heart. She hoped that deep inside he knew this, too, despite what his father had suggested to her recently.

Before her shift had begun, her friend had sought her out in her quarters and she'd had the opportunity to thank him properly for what he had done for her. Although she still could not say that she understood what had moved him to do so.

When she had asked him why he had taken all the blame for their little excursion upon himself he had merely shrugged and grinned.

"I was not going to do so," he had said, "but then my father's attitude provoked me and made me somehow want to provoke him in return. I figured that the role of the rebellious youngster would be an apt way to achieve this goal. I cannot say that I am very proud of my actions, though."

Tauriel had frowned. This was very much unlike Legolas, who never acted impulsively. This sounded rather like something that s_he _would do. "What could he possibly have said to anger you like this?" she had asked her friend.

She was curious to know, but Legolas had evaded her gaze and simply said, grinning, "You know how he can be, Tauriel. After several hundreds of years, even _my_ patience wears thin at some point."

Tauriel had decided to leave the matter be right then, since he seemed unwilling to reveal more about this conversation with his father. And somehow she suspected that maybe she did not really want to hear the answer to her question anyway, that whatever Thranduil had said to Legolas had something to do with her.

Wandering over to the window at the far side of her room she had gazed out at the treetops beyond. There were also rooms that did not sport such a spectacular, rooms that were located deeper within the cave system and did thus not have any windows at all, but Tauriel had, upon her promotion to Captain of the Guard, specifically requested this room. She had made use of very few of the privileges that came with her position, but being able to see the stars at night from her own window had been too great a temptation to resist.

She had sighed quietly. At least this comfort was still hers now that she had lost the privilege to roam the woods freely as a consequence of her punishment. Without this small illusion of freedom she felt that she might wither like a flower that did not get enough light.

Legolas had come to stand next to her. "Once my father finally accepts that there is a darkness gathering strength somewhere out there and that it will not do to simply sit by and watch, but that someone will need to take action against it, I am sure that you will be returned to your former position immediately. You _are _one of our best warriors and Thranduil knows and appreciates this." He had nudged her gently. "As do I."

She had offered him a small smile. "Thank you. Do not worry, I understand that you did not have much of a choice, but to suggest my demotion to your father. And who knows. Maybe removing me from the guard for a while really _is_ for the better…"

Legolas had frowned at that, surprised. "What do you mean? I thought you loved your position. The danger, the excitement, the freedom…"

Tauriel had hesitated. "I will surely miss the danger and the diversion… it is too much freedom that I am worried about. Too much room to do something impulsive – again," she had said haltingly. She had been thinking about how her heart was pulling her away from Mirkwood and how difficult it might become to resist the urges that were knotting up her insides.

Legolas had not seemed to understand the meaning behind her words initially, but when she had blushed slightly, ducking her head, she had seen that in his mind he was beginning to put the pieces of the puzzle together, slowly realizing that it had not just been her love of adventure and her hatred of orcs that had pulled her away from Mirkwood the first time and that it was not just the loss of most of her privileges that was tormenting her now, but rather the loss of something – _someone_ – entirely else.

Before Legolas had time to fully understand what she had been implying, Tauriel had quickly distracted him with a question that had been bothering her ever since Legolas had taken the blame for their absence. "What about your own punishment?" she had asked. "Knowing your father, you cannot convince me that he would simply let you get away with this."

Legolas had blinked at the sudden change in topic. "I do not yet know. But he gave me to understand that he would think of something. I suppose he will wait until some particularly unpleasant task comes along and then put me in charge of it."

Yes, Tauriel had thought to herself, that sounded like something that Thranduil would do. He would wait until Legolas almost believed himself safe from any kind of punishment and then spring something onto him when he least expected it. "Well," she had said, "I will try my best to assist you with whatever this might turn out to be. That is the least that I can do."

"I'm sure it will be fine," Legolas had replied. "This, too, will be something that passes." This reflected quite accurately the world view that most of their kin had. All things pass. Elves prevail. Comforting on the one hand, but also utterly sad if you looked at it with a different mindset.

Tauriel had sensed that Legolas wanted to discuss what she had hinted at previously, but she had simply not been ready to talk about this and to discuss her feelings. Maybe in a couple hundreds of years.

She had put her hand on his lower arm. "Thank you my friend for stopping by," she had said, suddenly eager to end their conversation. "I am afraid I will have to leave you now, my shift is due to begin shortly. Being late would probably not exactly improve my current situation."

Legolas had smiled at her and wished her a good shift. Tauriel had however not missed the hint of worry in his eyes when he looked at her.

Once more Tauriel suppressed a sigh. Sooner or later she would have to deal with Legolas and tell him the truth. Or at least some parts of the truth – there were some things, such as kissing Kíli, which would remain her secret, sweet and treasured.

Suddenly Tauriel was torn from her thoughts by the giant wooden doors of the throne room flying open. Perplexed by the fact that something was actually happening, it took Tauriel a couple of seconds to remember where she was and more importantly _why_ she was there.

Quickly she darted into the center of the room to position herself in front of the throne and her king. Thrandir – of _course_ – had already taken up his stance when she got there and gave her a nasty look. Tauriel sure hoped that the number of shifts she would have to do together with this fellow would be limited to very few occasions.

Focusing on the task at hand, Tauriel quickly gestured for Maesson to step out of the way in order for her to get a clear aim at whoever had just burst into the throne room uninvited. Her grip on her bow was steady and she pulled back string and arrow, ready to shoot. Finally she felt like there was something about her new position that she might actually do well.

She slightly loosened the tension of her bowstring when she saw that the person bursting through the doors was merely an old man swaddled in layers of grey wool. Nevertheless she kept her aim focused. Appearances could be deceiving after all.

The old man seemed unimpressed by the arrows pointing at him and strode into the room confidently, his gaze fixed onto Thranduil. A couple of feet in front of Tauriel and Thrandir he stopped and bowed to their king. "Thranduil, old friend. It is good to see you," he said in the Elvish tongue, sounding as if they had just met by accident. Tauriel was not entirely sure, but she could have sworn that the old man winked at her as if they had just shared a private joke.

Tauriel's gaze remained fixed on the strange man, still suspicious. However, she lowered her bow and took a step back when Thranduil came down from his throne and stepped around her and Thrandir to stand in front of the old man where he returned the bow.

"Mithrandir," he greeted him. "Our paths have not crossed for a long time. What brings you here so unexpectedly?"

Mithrandir. Tauriel knew the name. The Grey Wizard, also known as Gandalf the Grey. She looked at him curiously. Somehow she had expected him to look different, more – _impressive_. But then again, that did not have to mean anything. As far as she knew he was very powerful – in his own way – and had frequently been of service to her kin.

It did not escape Tauriel that while her king returned the wizard's greeting with friendliness, his tone also implied a certain suspiciousness. This was in all likelihood not a social call.

Gandalf clasped Thranduil on the shoulder and started to lead him out of the throne room. "Take a walk with me my friend. My joints are stiff from riding for such a long time. There is a matter of great urgency that we need to discuss."

Thranduil went with him without resistance – which surprised Tauriel – but when they neared the doors he hesitated and looked back to where Tauriel and Thrandir were standing. Looking from one to the other for a moment he seemed to make up his mind and fixed his gaze on Tauriel. "Tauriel. Walk with us."

Her heart leapt – finally something to do other than standing around without any kind of diversion. She did wonder briefly why it was her that Thranduil had chosen to accompany them when Thrandir was so much more experienced at guarding the king and, frankly, was doing a much better job at it than she was…

Glancing briefly at Thrandir who had a sour look on his face Tauriel quickly went to her king's side and accompanied him and Gandalf into the corridor outside the throne room.

tbc


	9. Chapter 8

_Author's Note: Your wonderful reviews fuel my writing - so here's another chapter much earlier in the week than usual. And it's a very long one, I hope you like it. It continues where the last chapter ended (after Gandalf's arrival in Mirkwood). My characters are sort of unpredicateble and keep changing my original plans for this story. Especially Legolas likes to interfere with my plot ;) _

_Disclaimer: I don't own "The Hobbit" or its characters._

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**Chapter VIII**

Once outside, Tauriel trailed along behind Thranduil and Gandalf, maintaining a respectful distance, but also taking care to stay close enough to hear what they were saying.

"Tell me," Thranduil spoke up after walking in silence for a couple of seconds, "what is this urgent matter that we need to discuss?"

Gandalf looked at him from out of the corner of his eyes, as if trying to assess Thranduil's mood. "I believe that you have met Thorin Oakenshield and his company of dwarves recently."

Thranduil huffed. "If by 'met' you refer to a good dozen of unruly dwarves trespassing on my land, refusing to negotiate, escaping through our wine cellar and, from what I can judge, leading _orcs_ into our territory, then yes, we have met."

The old wizard seemed to have difficulty to suppress a smile, but then his face quickly turned serious again. "Then you are also aware of the quest on which Thorin has led his kinsmen?"

"Ending the reign of the dragon over Erebor? Yes, I am aware of that. And from what I hear they succeeded in that. At the cost of the citizens of Laketown."

Gandalf decided to ignore the last part of Thranduil's statement. "The dwarves have reclaimed Erebor, yes. I have now come here to urge you to make peace with the dwarves – and quickly."

Tauriel's heart missed a beat. This sounded as if they were all alive and well!

Thranduil stopped dead in his tracks. "If that is so then your journey here has been in vain. Thorin Oakenshield has proved to truly be the son of his father and grandson of his grandfather. Not only was he unwilling to enter into any kind of negotiations with my kin, but also severely insulted me." His face turned angry at the mere remembrance of the encounter with Thorin.

The wizard stopped, too, and turned towards Thranduil. "I understand that your pride has been injured greatly by the actions of Thorin and his ancestors. I also understand that dwarves can be insufferably stubborn and that their ways will never agree with you." His gaze darkened and he looked at Thranduil almost threateningly. "But what is happening right now, right in front of your doorstep is of so much more consequence than this strife between Elves and Dwarves. Thranduil, there is a darkness out there which is gathering strength and you know this."

Thranduil evaded Gandalf's gaze. The wizard went on.

"You know the kind of darkness that I am speaking of. A darkness that can pull all of Middle Earth into ruin. You also know that evil such as this can only be conquered if the forces of Men, Elves and Dwarves unite against it."

Thranduil looked at him once more. "And how do you propose to achieve such unity?" He turned his back towards the old wizard and took a few steps. "You speak of _my_ pride, but you forget that Oakenshield is proud, too. And more so, he hates my kin with passion. He could never become loyal to me and my people. We could _never_ trust him and the ones that follow him."

Gandalf approached him and put a hand on his shoulder. Tauriel was surprised. She had never seen anybody acting so … _intimately _around Thranduil. At least not without being reprimanded for it.

"That is why it is you who must take the first step," he urged Thranduil. "The dwarves believe themselves safe at Erebor and I fear that Thorin might soon begin making the same mistakes as his grandfather and father before him instead of making peace with both Men and Elves. But he is not aware of the storm that is brewing. An army of goblins and all other sorts of vile creatures is preparing to descend upon Erebor from the West."

Tauriel gasped. Both her king and the wizard turned their heads to look at her, the wizard in surprise, Thranduil in annoyance. She quickly straightened her features and stared straight ahead. Inside her, however, a storm was raging.

Gandalf continued after this interruption. "Help Thorin and his kin defend themselves. I am certain that the men of Laketown will follow your example and this will be the first step to mend the rift between Elves and Dwarves, Dwarves and Men. This will earn you Thorin's trust and loyalty."

"I do not have to earn anything from Thorin Oakenshield," Thranduil spat. "It is his kin that has wronged mine in the first place, not the other way round."

Tauriel felt a familiar anger growing inside of her. How many times did her king have to be told of the danger that was threatening not only their home, but all of Middle Earth? How many would have to die before he finally realized that hiding in Mirkwood would simply not do anymore?

Anger was joined by desperation. _Kíli_. What if, this time, he would be one of the ones who lost their lives because, instead of helping, her kin preferred to sit back and watch? She knew that the dwarves were experienced and vicious fighters. But from the way that the grey wizard made it sound, they did not stand a chance against the army that was coming for them.

Gandalf relented when he realized that he had pushed the Elven king too far. "I did not mean to imply that you owed the dwarves anything. I apologize if you got that impression."

Thranduil inclined his head, acknowledging the wizard's apology. Yet, when he spoke, his voice was cold. "You have always been a good counselor to my kin and I respect and value your opinion. However I fear that in this particular instance, you are wrong. Oakenshield has already destroyed any possibility for an alliance between our people, as have his father and grandfather before him. I am _not _willing to risk my own life or that of my people in order to help the dwarf. Them getting ambushed by a goblin army might actually be for the better."

"No!" Tauriel exclaimed, simply not able to hold back any longer. It felt as if a giant's hand were wrapping itself around her midsection, squeezing, making it difficult to breathe. She felt dizzy, her blood rushing in her ears.

The two males turned towards her once more, Gandalf's eyebrows arched. He looked at her curiously. Thranduil, on the other hand, kept his head slightly down and only glared at her out of the corner of his eyes.

"Tauriel!" He said, keeping his voice level, but Tauriel could tell from his stance that he was angry. "You are obviously unable to restrain yourself. Leave us."

"But-" she began, and immediately realized that she should not have said anything.

"Go!" Thranduil interrupted her, raising his voice. This was as close as he would get to shouting.

Tauriel flinched and turned on her heel before she would do something stupid. She stormed off into the direction of her private quarters, passing Thrandir at the doors to the throne room. He looked at her questioningly, but she simply stomped past him, too upset to deal with him right now.

Rushing into her room she slammed the door shut behind her. For a few moments, Tauriel merely stood in the center of the room with her eyes closed, clenching and unclenching her fists, trying to regain her composure. Once her heartbeat had slowed and the pounding in her ears had ebbed away, she opened her eyes.

Looking out of the big window she gazed at the trees outside. This was the place she had come to call home after her family had been so cruelly taken from her when she was still very young. Legolas had become her brother and Thranduil, although always keeping a careful distance, her father.

In her mind's eye she could see herself and Legolas run through the woods just outside her window as young Elves, playful, happy, climbing every tree within their reach, already practicing some of the skills that would later distinguish them as some of the greatest warriors of their kin.

Now there were no young elflings tumbling through the woods. Her beloved home in the woods had become a dark, dangerous place, infested with monstrous spiders and who knew what other kinds of evil creatures.

How could a king who was supposed to love his people and his kingdom let this happen? Thranduil was blinded by hate and pride, greed and loss. For so many years she had wished that she could make him see again, but now she realized that this might never happen at all.

But what did this mean for her? What was one to do when everything was coming apart and there was nothing to believe in anymore?

No, that was not entirely true, Tauriel thought to herself. She had found something new to believe in. Hatred and animosity could be overcome. People could learn to look beyond their own prejudices and find something new, something wonderful. She had experienced this herself, had felt it from the first moment she had laid eyes on Kíli. It did not matter whether you were a Dwarf or an Elf. She and Kíli had formed a bond despite the beliefs that they had both been raised with.

_I have seen people reach out to one another in times of hardship in ways that you could not imagine. Building friendship where before there was only animosity, building a future where before there was only emptiness and indifference. Sometimes it is in times of great despair that we realize what we truly want and that we find the strength to create something new._

The words of Kíli's mother echoed in Tauriel's mind. Was this such a time? Was it time to reach out to one another despite the obstacles that separated them? Maybe she and Kíli could show some of their respective kin that there was not only hatred and distrust to be found between Elves and Dwarves. The notion appeared inspiring... Maybe there was a way for them to be together. Maybe it had been wrong to think that in order to do the right thing, they would have to part. Maybe it was the other way round…

But Tauriel also had to admit that that thought filled her not only with happiness and longing but also with a paralyzing fear. If she chose this path now there would be no turning back. Some of her kin – and her king most of them all – would be forever lost to her. Was she truly ready to take such drastic measures? And what if, a tiny, insecure voice spoke up in her head, what if Kíli would not have her after all? Was she a fool to think that she could simply go to Erebor and be accepted among the Dwarves, fight side by side against a common enemy?

Tauriel stood in the middle of her room, frozen in place, running the same thoughts over and over again in her head for a long time. When she became aware of her surroundings once more, she was surprised to see that dusk had fallen over the woods outside her window.

Her mind was now very calm. For the first time since the day the dwarves had escaped from their cells her thoughts did not spin around in her head like tiny carrousels, making her unfocused and slightly dizzy. She knew now what path to choose.

Turning around on her heel, she strode to a chest in a corner next to the door. Out of this chest she pulled a small bag into which she stuffed a couple of things. Lembas bread, a small canteen which was filled with water, a silver locket which had belonged to her mother, a change of clothes. Reaching into the chest again she pulled out the rune stone Kíli had given to her which she had hidden there. Smiling slightly she caressed the runes carved into it with her thumb.

_I'm coming, Kíli. Are you waiting for me?_

The stone went into her shirt pocket. To feel its weight against her chest was very comforting.

She strapped the small bag onto her back and pulled her moss green, hooded travelling cloak over it. Letting her gaze wander about her room she made sure that there was nothing she was leaving behind that mattered to her. After all, she would not be coming back.

Assured that she had packed everything that she wanted to take with her, she turned around and reached for her bow.

A hand on her arm stilled her movements. Shocked she looked up to see Legolas standing next to her, looking worried, hurt, exasperated.

"I- I did not hear you come in," she stammered, unable to say anything else.

Legolas kept his grip on her arm steady. "Yes," he replied. "I see that you were too busy running away to notice. Again."

Tauriel looked at him pleadingly. "Please, Legolas, I know what this looks like, but you have to understand…"

"I am afraid that I cannot. Because you refuse to explain. Ever since the day of the orc attack you have been acting impulsively, foolishly, for reasons that I cannot entirely fathom."

Tauriel flinched at the anger which laced his voice. "But you see, your father, he won't –"

"Yes, Tauriel," he interrupted her, "I am fully aware of what transpired between you and my father this afternoon. I came straight here when I heard because I feared that you might be making some rash decisions. I am sorry to observe that I was right."

Tauriel hung her head low. She had disappointed him once more. He wanted to hear the complete truth from her, but she feared that the truth would not improve his current opinion of her. There had to be another way to make him understand.

"Legolas," she pleaded, "don't you see that what both you and I feared is about to happen? A great battle is about to break out on our doorstep, a battle in which many good people will lose their lives. A darkness is slowly spreading across Middle Earth – I thought we agreed that it will not do to merely sit by and watch chaos unfold."

"Yes," her blonde friend replied, still not letting go of her wrist. "And we won't."

Tauriel blinked. "I do not understand. What are you talking about?"

Legolas finally let go of her arm and sighed, looking out of her window into the darkening sky. "I'm talking about me going to Erebor. My father is sending me there with an army. To fight."

Tauriel's face lit up at his words. Maybe there was a way for her to follow her heart without ripping the bond that tied her to her kin, to her substitute family.

"Then the king changed his mind?"

Legolas seemed to weigh that question in his mind. "I suppose you could say so. Although I fear he has some ulterior motive in his mind, one that has nothing to do with forming alliances."

"Does that really matter?" Tauriel was happy. "As long as we can go and finally do something, I will try not to worry about what comes after."

She suddenly noticed how Legolas was evading her eyes. "What? Why aren't you looking at me?"

Then Legolas delivered the blow that Tauriel should have known was coming. "Tauriel, I said _I_ am going to Erebor. Not _we. _I'm sorry, but you are to stay here. My father specifically said so. I think he – he does not trust your judgment anymore. I'm sorry."

Tauriel stared at him for a couple of seconds, not really knowing what to say. Then she nodded to herself and reached for her bow once more. "Well, then I hope you will understand why I have to leave like this and will let me do so."

Legolas moved to block her way to the door, angry now. "No, I _don't _understand. Why is it that your mind is set on destroying everything that you have here? Everything that _we_ have? Why can't you just accept the circumstances as they are right now and let this go?"

She did not respond to him, but cast her eyes down.

His voice turned softer, almost pleading. "I promise to fight in that battle for both of us. I will slay every foe that is foolish enough to step within the reach of my bow. And I will come back to you, unharmed, and everything can be as it once was."

Tauriel bit on her lower lip, furrowing her brow in sorrow. "No, it can't," she whispered.

Legolas stepped closer, taking hold of both her upper arms, forcing her to look up at him. "Why, Tauriel?"

She merely looked at him, tears burning in her eyes. Tears for Kíli because every fiber of her being longed to be at his side. Tears for Legolas because she had to disappoint him – him whose opinion mattered most to her. Tears for herself because she was about to give up everything.

"It's that young dwarf, isn't it?" Legolas suddenly said. His expression grew sullen when she did not bother to deny it right away. "You _want _him."

"_Kíli_," Tauriel said. "His name is Kíli." She could not help but smile ever so slightly when she realized that she was echoing what Kíli had said to Legolas in Laketown.

Apparently that was all Legolas needed as a confirmation. He dropped his hands and took a step back, turning away slightly. "Yes, I feared something like this." His voice sounded resigned, though not as angry as Tauriel might have expected.

He raised his eyes to her face once more, not quite meeting her eyes. "Then there is no way I can persuade you to stay here with my father?"

Tauriel smiled sadly. "I'm afraid not," she replied, her voice choked with unspilled tears.

Legolas looked at her for a couple of seconds, not saying anything. Then he sighed. "If there is no way to hold you back then I would rather have you come with me than go alone. To fight by your side one more time before we say goodbye."

Tauriel gaped at him. "Does that mean…?"

He smiled. "Yes. You will come with us. We will have to be very careful and disguise you so that you will not be recognized until it is too late."

Tauriel smiled a tearful smile, touched by her friend's loyalty despite the broken heart that he surely had to be nursing right now. "Thank you. Once again you humble me with your generosity and kindness."

Legolas returned her smile reluctantly. "There is one condition though."

Tauriel raised her eyebrows at him questioningly.

"I know that you never took your time to rest after our return. I have watched you at mealtimes, observing your lack of appetite. I cannot be responsible for leading you into a battle in such a weakened state. Sit down with me for one last meal. And rest afterwards to regain your strength. We are due to leave at first daylight, so there is still plenty of time."

Tauriel was taken aback. "Umm… alright?" she said. What else was she supposed to reply to that?

Legolas's face brightened at that. "Excellent! Wait for me here, will you? I will go down to the kitchens and fetch some food and wine for us."

Tauriel nodded and he turned to leave. With his hand already on the doorknob, Tauriel thought she saw him hesitate briefly. But then he opened the door and stepped through, drawing it closed behind him.

Tauriel sank down on one of the two wooden chairs at the small table near her window and looked about herself in slight confusion. What was Legolas up to? She knew him well, and suspected that he might not have given up persuading her to stay behind after all. Or … was he maybe trying to win her over? To win her heart?

She shook her head to get rid of these thoughts. He had just shown her great generosity and loyalty. She should not be doubting him right now. And as long as he provided her with a way to join in the battle – a way that was much more honorable than stealing away in the middle of the night – she was willing to meet any condition that he might impose.

Quickly – almost too quickly – Legolas returned with a silver tray onto which he had piled some fruit, bread and pastries. He was balancing the tray carefully in order not to spill the wine from the two silver goblets that he had placed next to the food.

He swiftly laid everything out on the table and sat down across from her, studying her intently. His tone serious he said to her: "I promise this will be the last time that I ask you this, but are you quite sure that you mean to go through with this? That it is really necessary to take such drastic steps?"

Tauriel nodded without hesitation. She was surprised herself at the sudden clarity with which she was making her decisions and replied in a calm voice, "I am, my friend. I can no longer delude myself into thinking that this is something that will pass if I just sit tight and wait for long enough."

Legolas nodded gravely. He raised his goblet. "Then let us drink to…"

He paused, apparently unsure of what to say.

"Let us drink to friendship, my dearest friend," Tauriel continued for him, raising her glass to his.

Legolas hesitated for a split second which surprised Tauriel, but then he clinked his glass against hers, locking eyes with her, and replied, "Yes, to friendship. To us."

Tauriel smiled even though she was made slightly uncomfortable by the intensity of his gaze. Casting her eyes down she took a deep drink from her goblet, relishing in the warmth that began to quickly spread in her belly. The delicious wine certainly was something that she would miss about Mirkwood.

Looking back up at Legolas, she found that he was still looking at her intently, his goblet still in his hand, filled to the brink. She wanted to ask him why he did not drink from it, but there seemed to be something wrong with her mouth, her tongue as heavy as lead.

Frowning she tried to lift her hand to her mouth to touch it, to see if there was something strange going on with it. But her hand refused to move, all she managed was a slight twitch of her fingers. She tried to speak again, but to no greater effect than before.

She looked at Legolas in panic, wanting to tell him that there was something wrong with her and that he needed to help her, needed to fetch someone who could make her well again. She found it surprisingly difficult to focus her eyes, but when she finally managed she saw that Legolas was still looking at her with that same, curious expression.

She let her eyes drop to the goblet of wine in front of her, a terrible realization dawning at the back of her mind. She could not quite pinpoint what this realization was for a moment, her head felt as if it had been stuffed with soft, fluffy cotton.

With a great effort she managed to concentrate hard enough to form a coherent thought in her head. _He poisoned me. Put something in my drink. Something to make me sleep. Cannot move now. So tired._

Helpless to do something against it, she felt herself slide off her chair. Legolas was there to catch her and all she could do was stare at him in outrage as he carried her to her bed where he set her down carefully and covered her with a soft, silky sheet.

She wanted to scream at him, to beat at him with her fists, protest somehow against this grave injustice that was being done to her. But her eyelids felt so heavy and she felt herself drift off, a feeling that she was not quite used to, always so very much in control of herself and her senses.

The last thing that she saw and heard was Legolas, her friend who had deceived her so, leaning over her, speaking in a strained voice. "I am sorry, my friend. I hope that one day you will forgive me for this and understand that I only meant well. That of all beings in this world, you are the one who matters most to me and that because of this I had no other choice."

The last thing she thought was, _I'm sorry, Kíli. It looks as if I won't be seeing you so soon after all._

Then everything went black.**  
**


	10. Chapter 9

_Author's note: I'm pleased to see that my little plot twist at the end of the last chapter brought about so many reactions :) Thank you for your feedback. And please don't hate Legolas. He will make up for his actions at some point in the future... although this might be a while.  
_

_I'm very nervous about this chapter... I hope you enjoy it._

_Disclaimer: I don't own "The Hobbit"._

* * *

**Chapter IX**

Tauriel was drifting. Above her were the stars, glittering in the black sky. Below her was the earth, the trees and mountains, valleys and lakes… everything seemed so small and insignificant from a distance.

Tauriel smiled and spun once around her own axis, reveling in her own weightlessness. With both hands she reached out for one of the stars close by. She seemed so close to them that she thought she might be able to touch them, to see how they would feel against the skin of her fingers.

She giggled. This was a whole new dimension of walking in starlight.

At that thought a frown sprang to her face. Walking in starlight… those words stirred something inside her head, like a slight tickle at the back of her brain. Wasn't there something that she had meant to do?

Floating on her back with her hands still outstretched she struggled to hold onto that notion. It was very difficult to concentrate with the stars constantly distracting her with their silvery light.

Walking in starlight… Did whatever she had wanted to do have something to do with the stars? Had somebody send her here? To find something? No. That was not it.

The frown on Tauriel's forehead deepened as she tried to remember. She closed her eyes to block out the view of the stars, listening only to her own thoughts now.

_You cannot be her. She is far away. She... she is far, far away from me. She walks in starlight in another world. It was just a dream. Do you think she could have loved me?_

The words came to her very suddenly and very clearly, as if someone was whispering them in her ear.

Her eyes flew open.

_Kíli_.

Without warning her weight returned to her body and she fell. Fell so fast that for a few seconds her breath was sucked from her lungs. Without a single sound passing over her lips, Tauriel fell out of the sky, colors blurring at the edge of her vision while the stars became smaller and smaller above her until they were tiny, sparkling dots once again. Far, far away from her.

Tauriel experienced a curious sense of loss. This was how a falling star had to feel like as it was cast off from the sky forever.

Her fall seemed to last for a long time, and yet she was not prepared for her impact with earth when it came. Once again, all air was knocked from her lungs when her body hit ground. While the shock was overwhelming, the pain was not. In fact, there was no pain at all.

Tauriel lay completely still for a few moments, waiting for the pain to come. But it did not.

Deciding that it was safe to move her eyes, she tried to assess her surroundings.

She seemed to have landed in tall grass, the blades of which were rising into the sky all around her, preventing her from seeing anything else from her position on the ground. It appeared to be completely dark, the only light coming from the stars in the sky. The ground below her was damp and she could see small droplets of dew glittering on the grass, making it gleam silvery in the starlight.

Her head seemed much clearer now that she was firmly anchored to the ground once more. Still, it was a pity to be down here again. Up in the sky everything had seemed so easy, so beautiful. She had found complete oblivion for a few moments.

A dream. She was dreaming. She realized this now.

But she wondered – briefly – whether all dreams felt like this. So real, so detailed, so intense. She lifted one of her hands and brought it up to her face, examining it in the starlight. It looked exactly as it always did. If this was a dream, should she feel so … conscious?

Tauriel had not had a dream in a long time. As a fully grown Elf she did not usually give herself over to sleep completely. She simply did not require this kind of rest in order to restore her strength. Instead, she had made it her habit to turn her vision inwards until she reached a meditative state in which she reflected on herself and the world around her. Legolas had taught her how to do this. Sometimes, however, she missed this state of complete oblivion that deep sleep could bring. But dreams were a luxury that was reserved for their young ones.

Until now. Tauriel struggled to remember what had brought her here. Something had happened to her, she knew that, but she could not quite say what it was.

Flattening her palms against the ground below her, Tauriel realized that it was covered in soft moss. Spreading her fingers she pushed herself up into a sitting position, so that she would be able to see if there was anything beyond the grass in this dream world of hers.

She gasped at the sight that presented itself to her. The moon hung huge and bulging in the sky, shining in different shades of red and orange. A firemoon.

Tears came to Tauriel's eyes. How cruel of her subconscious to play this trick on her. Kíli had wished so much to be able to show her the firemoon he had seen, but had had to resort to words and descriptions. Now she was seeing it with her own eyes in all its glory and he was not there to watch with her. Never since they had parted had she missed him more than at this very moment.

Her eyes riveted on the moon, Tauriel was only marginally aware of movement to her right, several yards away. When her instincts perked up and told her that there was someone else there with her, she whipped her head around sharply.

Another person was struggling to sit up in the tall grass, holding their head and groaning once they had managed to do so.

Tauriel's breath caught in her throat. Kíli.

Only when he mirrored her previous movement and turned his head in an effort to localize the other presence there with him, did she realize that she had spoken aloud. He looked puzzled for a moment, squinting to see properly in the dim light.

When he recognized her, utter disbelief and an almost painful happiness rivaled each other on his face. His expression would have been comical under different circumstances – now it only served to bring more tears to Tauriel's eyes. Tears of joy.

Tauriel could not say who moved first, but within a few seconds they were scrambling towards one another, running, stumbling, falling, crawling, until they fell into each other's arms, laughing, clutching, hugging, crying.

When they pulled apart, Tauriel's cheek was wet, but she did not know if it were her own tears or his or both. Her pants were damp from where her knees rested on the wet grass, but she hardly felt it. He was here. With her.

Kíli cupped her face in both hands and she brought her own hands up and wrapped them around his wrists, holding on tightly. A broad, tearful smile spread on his face.

There were so many things Tauriel wanted to say, wanted to ask. But the only thing she got out was: "Did you fall out of the sky, like I did?"

Kíli laughed, brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. "No," he said. "But it feels like I have been waiting here for you to come down from the sky for a long time."

Puzzled by his answer, Tauriel wanted to ask what he meant by that. Had he seen her, up there? How had he gotten here in the first place? Then she remembered that this was only a dream. The most wonderful dream, but still only a dream. Was it childish to think that she might destroy the illusion if she asked too many questions, demanded too much logic?

So she just looked at him, taking in his beauty. She lifted one hand to trace the stubble on his jaw, something that she had been itching to do ever since she first met him, but had restrained herself from doing even in their more… intimate moments together.

He leaned into her touch, smiling. "I missed you," he whispered hoarsely.

Tauriel wanted nothing more than to kiss him at that moment, but felt very shy all of a sudden. She reprimanded herself for her hesitation – if in her real life she was forbidden from acting on her feelings she might at least do so in her dreams, right? And so, in a very bold move, she brought her own lips to Kíli's.

At first their lips brushed against one another only very lightly, but Tauriel did not have to wait long for Kíli to respond. She felt his lips move beneath hers, slowly, sensuously, and suddenly he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her close to him, holding her in a passionate embrace.

She gasped in surprise when he jerked her so abruptly towards himself, but then responded by wrapping her arms around his neck, drawing him even closer.

As she deepened their kiss, Kíli responded with a low moan. Confused, Tauriel pulled away slightly, breaking their kiss. Had she hurt him? Or done something unpleasant? She wanted to ask him, but Kíli did not give her a chance to speak and immediately reclaimed her lips, tightening his grip around her waist.

Tauriel smiled against his lips, realizing that the sound he had made had obviously not been one of discomfort. The thought that she was having such a profound effect on him filled her with a formerly unknown sense of pride. Pride that such a wonderful creature as he was would want to hold her like this, to touch her, _love _her.

When he felt her smile, Kíli broke their kiss. Mirroring her smile he searched her face with eyes clouded with desire. "Why do you smile my shooting star?" His voice was heavy, laced with his passion for her.

Tauriel felt the sting of fresh tears when she gazed into his eyes, seeing the intensity of his feelings for her reflected in them. He looked at her questioningly when he saw her eyes mist over, but she just shook her head, unable to speak, and pulled his face back towards hers, resuming their kiss with even more vigor than before.

She began to lose herself in his touch, no thoughts and no feelings existed anymore beside the feel of his lips upon hers, his hands on her body, his breath on her face. Tauriel surprised herself by instinctively pulling both of them down onto the damp grass, him on top of her.

With their bodies now pressed against one another completely, they broke their kiss once more, gasping for air, surprised and overwhelmed with the intimacy of this new position.

Propping himself up on one elbow, Kíli used his free hand to stroke her cheek. Tauriel returned his intense gaze, her body thrumming with desire in a way she had not known before. Slightly lifting her hips off the ground she pressed herself closer to him. His eyes fluttered closed when she did so, another low moan escaping his lips. She could feel his body respond to her, his hardness pressing into her core where their bodies were joined most intimately, separated only by a few layers of cloth. Instinctively, Tauriel spread her legs, allowing their bodies to come even closer than before. His eyes remained closed, the strained expression on his face betraying his struggle to maintain control over his body.

Tauriel marveled at the fact that with their bodies aligned like this, their difference in height did not matter at all anymore – they fit together like two pieces of puzzle.

Watching Kíli's face intently, she ran a hand up the side of his body, smiling when she saw him press his lips together in order to prevent himself from making any sound.

Suddenly he grabbed her wandering hand and, after placing a feather light kiss on the inside of her wrist, pinned it down above her head. His eyes were open again and he searched her face for her answer to an unspoken question.

Tauriel felt herself blush fiercely when she realized what it was that he was asking her with his eyes. Her breath quickened and she felt very nervous all of a sudden. Her heart was pounding erratically inside her chest and she wondered if he was able to feel its beat resonate in his body. But she held his gaze steadily and, the blush on her face deepening, nodded almost imperceptibly.

She felt Kíli take a shaky breath and realized that he too was very nervous. She brought her free hand up to his face and traced his lower lip with her thumb before cupping his neck and drawing him down towards her, pressing her lips to his to take some of the nervousness that they both felt away.

Immediately she could feel him relax and when she rocked her hips ever so gently he responded by pressing himself against her more tightly, making her breath hitch in her throat. Resting his forehead against hers, he let go of her hand that was stilled pinned above her head and used his now free hand to fiddle with the lacing of her bodice. With swift fingers he pulled the cords loose and, with a sudden urgency, tugged the garment open and out from under her body, tossing it to the side carelessly. With similar skillfulness he unlaced her shirt and dragged it open, exposing her bare skin to the night.

Pushing himself up to kneel between her legs, he took his time to take in the sight of her as she lay half-naked before him. Running one, slightly shaky, hand down the left side of her body, grazing her breast with his fingertips ever so lightly, he whispered, "_Mahal. _You're so beautiful."

Tauriel felt her face flush once more, but restrained herself from averting her eyes in embarrassment and instead kept her gaze locked on his face, marveling again at the effect that she had on him. He caught her gaze and when he saw her eyes wander down the length of his upper body he smirked.

"See something that you like?" he teased her.

Tauriel responded with a smirk of her own. "Not as much of it as I would like to see," she said, tugging at the hem of his shirt.

He smiled and, without further ado, shrugged out of his coat and started unlacing the shirt he wore underneath. When he tossed it aside it was Tauriel's turn to gape. With his broad, muscular chest, his pale skin shining silvery in the starlight, he was truly a sight to behold. And so different from the men she had seen before, with dark, crinkly hairs covering the planes of his chest. She followed those hairs with her eyes down his upper body, up until the point where they disappeared into his pants in a narrow line.

Stretching out her right arm she traced that same line with her finger, feeling him shiver beneath her touch. Reaching the waistband of his pants she wrapped her fingers around it and gave a slight tug, wanting him close to her once again, to see how his skin would feel upon hers.

She must have caught him by surprise, because he lost his balance and fell back on top of her, breaking his fall with one hand on each side of her head, the tip of his nose only an inch above her own.

They both laughed at this, but quickly turned more serious again when their desire reached a new peak brought about by this new, exhilarating sensation of skin upon skin.

Glancing down to where her breasts were pressed against his chest, Kíli lowered his head to Tauriel's neck, kissing first the skin there and then trailing kisses along her collarbone, using one of his hands to caress every inch of skin on her upper body. Soon his caresses became more urgent and Tauriel let her eyes flutter closed, arching her back in desire.

She could not recall his hands leaving her upper body, but they must have at some point, because suddenly her pants joined the small heap of discarded clothing somewhere to her right. Tauriel gasped when the cool air of the night hit the sensitive skin between her legs and when the unexpected coldness was replaced by the warmth of Kíli's fingers, stroking, rubbing, massaging her gently she felt ready to burst with pleasure at any moment.

She moaned in protest when his fingers left her, and when she lifted her head off the grass to see what the delay was, she saw him struggling with his belt, trying to shrug out of the pants that seemed to be restraining him quite painfully by now.

Tauriel grinned and was happy to assist him with this. With swift fingers she helped him unbuckle his belt and he slid out of his pants in one quick motion and then aligned his body with hers again.

Both of them completely naked now, they took a moment to collect their thoughts, to allow their bodies to accommodate themselves to this new sensation. Bringing his face level with hers one again, Kíli looked deeply into Tauriel's eyes and she was almost moved to tears by the tenderness that she saw in his gaze.

They both knew that it would have been too late to simply stop now anyway, but still he once more asked her for her permission with his eyes, before slowly, gently, entering her, joining their bodies in the most intimate way.

Tauriel gasped when he filled her so pleasantly, so completely. Strange as it might seem, their bodies were just right for each other. They stared at one another in slight shock for a moment and when Kíli dipped down his head to claim her mouth in a tender kiss, Tauriel felt as if the universe and everything in it clicked into place all of sudden. This was where she was meant to be. He belonged to her just as she belonged to him. Only the stars were watching as they completed their unlikely union in this act of love.

Never had she felt more alive than at this very moment. Only much later would she wonder at the irony of finally finding a sense of completion in a dream of all things. For now all she was aware of was Kíli's body on top of hers, their bodies slowly finding a common rhythm that send waves of pleasure through her body, making her fingertips tingle and her heart sing.

Later they lay on their sides in the damp grass facing each other, their breathing slowly coming back to normal. Absentmindedly, Kíli ran a hand up and down the side of Tauriel's body, gazing into her eyes as if he were afraid that she might disappear if he so much as blinked.

Tauriel sensed that he was about to speak, but again she was scared that too many words might destroy this wonderful illusion. So she quickly silenced him with a kiss, scooting closer once more.

They kissed slowly, languidly, still exhausted from their previous lovemaking. When Kíli pulled away and smiled at her like the happiest man on earth, Tauriel whispered the first words that came into her head: "_Meleth e-gûr nîn, guren níniatha n'i lû n'i a-govenitham. Ned i postog a nîn, ni bant._"*

Kíli continued to smile at her and she wondered if maybe this dream version of him had understood the meaning of her words. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead in an affectionate kiss. The sweetness of the gesture made Tauriel close her eyes to stop tears from welling up. She opened her eyes again when his soft lips left her skin.

He was gone.

Tauriel sat up abruptly, looking around in panic. "Kíli?" she called, hoping against hope that he might answer her. But everything remained dreadfully silent.

Suddenly there came a gust of wind and everything in front of her eyes – the moon, the stars, the grass and the trees - was swept away like grains of sand tossed about in a storm. Tauriel was plunged into darkness.

* * *

_* Translation: Love of my heart, my heart shall weep until I see you again. When you lie beside me, I am complete._


	11. Chapter 10

_Author's note: I'm so glad that you all enjoyed the last chapter! Thank you for your kind words. _

_After so many chapters from Tauriel's point of view, we'll now return to Erebor for a while to see how Kíli is doing. Hope you like the path that I chose for this story._

_Disclaimer: I do not own "The Hobbit" or any of its characters._

* * *

**Chapter X**

Kíli awoke with a smile on his face. His sheets were tangled around his legs and when he tried to stretch he found that he could hardly move. But he was happy – incredibly so. At least until reality caught up with him and he remembered that that happiness had merely been brought about by a dream.

He struggled to sit up, further entangling himself in his bed sheets in the process. He growled in frustration and tugged on one of the sheets a little too harshly, accidentally ripping it in half. He stilled in his movements, perplexed, and looked down at the two pieces of cloth lying in his lap so sadly as if it were his own heart that had been torn into two.

Had he not suffered enough already? Did losing his heart to one that was out of his reach not suffice? But no, his bloody mind had to go and torment him with illusions of his love, so real and so tangible that he could still feel her lips on his, her skin underneath his fingertips, her quickened breath in his ear. This was not fair.

Kíli sighed, slumping his shoulders. Maybe he should not be complaining. Dreaming his life with Tauriel might not be the same thing as living his dream together with her, but maybe this was better than nothing at all.

He had to give it to his imagination – that really had been quite a nice illusion. He smiled a wistful smile. Her pale skin under the light of the stars, her taste on his tongue, her gentle voice whispering sweet, Elvish nonsense into his ear…

He paused at that thought. He did not speak Elvish, except for a handful of mostly useless words. So where had those words she had whispered so sweetly in his ear come from? Had it just been gibberish made up by his imagination? It sure had _sounded_ like genuine Elvish…

He rubbed a hand over his forehead, trying to rid his brain of such silly thoughts. It _had _been a dream and everything in it had been a construct of his own subconscious. Still, he reached for a piece of parchment on his nightstand and scribbled down the words Tauriel had said to him in his dream as accurately as he could manage without proper knowledge of the language. Couldn't hurt, could it? Maybe he'd have an opportunity to look into a possible meaning behind those words later.

As Kíli shifted on his bed to put pen and paper back onto his nightstand, something pressed into his thigh beneath the sheets. Frowning he dug around under the blankets until his hand closed around a small object with a cool, smooth surface.

He pulled out his hand and looked at the object resting on his palm. It was his runestone.

No. He shook his head. Not _his_ runestone. This had to be a coincidence, a token left behind by his ancestors who had resided in these halls long before he had.

He brought the stone closer to his face, examining it from every angle, running his thumb over every dent, every ridge carved into it.

Kíli swallowed against a lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. It _was _his stone. Not only were the same words carved into it – every other detail was the same as well. On their journey he had spent so many hours looking at the stone, touching it, tracing its carvings that he would recognize it amongst hundreds of similar stones.

He dropped his hand into his lap, looking around his room in confusion. Had someone sneaked in at night and put it in his bed? No, that was impossible. He had given the stone to Tauriel and she was in Mirkwood.

He looked back down at the stone. _Return to me_. That was what the runes on it read.

He bit his lip. What did all this mean? Tauriel had returned to him in his dream – had the stone returned to him in real life? Was it – was it possible that at least for a short time some kind of physical connection had been established between himself and Tauriel that went beyond the grasp of rational understanding?

And, if any of this was true, had she seen what he had, experienced what he had felt? Had she been there with him in this slightly mystical place beneath the stars and the moon?

Kíli could feel color rising in his cheeks. It was one thing to have that kind of dream about her, but a wholly different matter to just imagine that what had transpired between them had been real – on some level.

He licked his lips that suddenly felt very dry and glanced at the piece of parchment that he had just put away. The words on it did not make any sense to him, but maybe finding out what they meant – _if _they meant anything at all – might be the clue to solving this whole mystery.

And what if the words did make sense? What if they told him that this had not just been an ordinary dream? Well, he would simply have to wait it out and cross that bridge when he got to it.

His thoughts were interrupted when the door to his room banged open and his brother marched in, smiling cheerfully.

Quickly Kíli hid both the stone and his scribbles under one of his pillows.

Fíli marched over to the single window in the room and pulled the curtains wide open, whistling a happy tune in the process.

"Good morning," he said as he turned around to his younger brother, grinning broadly. His face fell as he took in Kíli's – admittedly – slightly disheveled appearance and the odd look on his face.

Quickly he strode over to Kíli's bed and looked at him intently. "Are you alright, brother? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Kíli tried his best to brush him off, saying, "Nah, I'm fine. Just had a funny dream, 's all."

Fíli glanced at the torn sheet still spread across Kíli's lap and laughed. "Yeeeaah… no, I don't even want to hear it." After wriggling his eyebrows suggestively he added, "Come on, get dressed. I thought we could do some sparring after breakfast. Seems like you've done your fair share of sitting around, doing nothing, haven't you?"

Kíli rolled his eyes at his brother. He was not really in the mood for any of this. What he actually wanted to do was find a way to figure out what had happened to him that night while he had slept. Surely there had to be a library of some sorts here at Erebor. If he wanted to look into the words that Tauriel had spoken to him in his dream that was where he would have to start. But he knew that if he came right out and told Fíli that he would rather sit down with a pile of books than practice his sword fighting, he would probably be suspected of running another fever and would be put back into bed.

So, slowly and a little reluctantly, Kíli started gathering his things together and got dressed for breakfast while his brother was waiting for him by the door, obviously determined to draw him out of his pensive mood.

"We've had word from the dwarves of the Iron Hills," Fíli filled him in on their way to the dining hall. "They have heard the news and are on their way here. Looks like the halls of Erebor will soon be populated with our kind once more."

Kíli mustered a smile. "That is good news, right?"

Fíli shrugged. "I suppose it is. Thorin and Dáin might have some differences to settle amongst themselves, however. But I guess that now that Erebor has been reclaimed and the Arkenstone is in our hands once more, this should all go smoothly."

"Mhhmm," Kíli agreed. He hesitated briefly. There was something he wanted to ask his brother, but was not sure whether it would be a good idea to bring it up. Then he reprimanded himself for thinking along those lines. This was Fíli – his brother, with whom he had shared everything for as long as he could remember. His brother, who had offered to carry him to Erebor rather than leave him behind. Whom could he trust if not him?

"The Arkenstone," he thus began haltingly. "How do you feel about that?"

Fíli glanced at him, confused. "What do you mean?"

Kíli weighed his words for a moment. "I mean, do you think that it is such a good thing that Thorin has it now? Somehow I feel like maybe it isn't wise to grant so much importance, so much _influence, _to that thing."

Fíli frowned. "Hmm. I've never looked at it that way. It's just a stone, I suppose. A very impressive one, but just a stone after all. A symbol for the authority of the King under the Mountain. It is Thorin who rules as king, not the stone."

Kíli considered his brother's words for a second. "I'm not so sure of that. I guess I'm afraid that the stone might have some kind of power over the one who holds it – a power that is not just a symbolic one. I just don't want Thorin to change, that's all." Kíli thought of his conversation with his uncle two days before and shivered inwardly when he remembered the look in Thorin's eyes as he had positioned himself between Kíli and the stone, shielding it from him.

But Fíli smiled at him reassuringly. "I'm sure Thorin will be a great king. The greatest that there ever was. He is much stronger than all of us – with the stone or without it."

"I hope you're right, brother," Kíli replied, yet could not quite manage to shake off the feeling of impending doom that had taken hold of him lately.

Fíli nudged his younger brother. "Cheer up, Kíl. When did you become so broody? It's time to focus on the nice things in life again. We're at _Erebor_. We have food, we have ale, and soon," he winked, "soon there will be lots of pretty dwarf-maids to chase through the hallways."

Kíli looked away sadly, unable to picture himself chasing after dwarf-girls any time soon. How could he, when all he saw whenever he closed his eyes was _her_? Her long red hair, her keen eyes, her delicate, pale skin, speckled with oh so many tiny freckles.

Fíli heaved a heavy sigh at the lack of enthusiasm that Kíli showed at his suggestions. He took hold of his elbow and forced him to stop and turn towards him. When he spoke his tone was more serious than most of the time and full of concern for his little brother. "Kíli, listen, you need to stop torturing yourself like this. I pretend not to see, but I cannot bear to watch you go on like this. There is no future for you with her, you need to accept this and move on."

Kíli looked up into his brother's eyes, surprised that he would bring this up. Fíli continued. "Look, I know that the last few days were really tough on you and I understand that in such extreme circumstances the heart can get confused and things might easily be over-interpreted. You think yourself in love, but trust me, once you look at this from a certain distance you will be able to laugh at the improbability of it all. But to do so you need to let it go – let _her_ go."

Kíli shook his head, not only because he violently disagreed with his brother's judgment of his feelings, but also because he was completely unwilling to follow his advice. Especially after last night, simply forgetting about all of this was out of the question. Well, at least now he knew what the general perspective on his situation was and that it would be pointless to ask for any help in solving the mystery of his nocturnal adventure.

He forced himself to laugh, shaking off his brother's hand. "I don't know what you're talking about, Fíl," he said, trying not to sound upset, but cheerful. "I guess I just didn't have a proper meal in way too long. I'm not sad, I'm just so damn hungry. Whoever gets to the dining hall first gets the bigger plate!"

And with that he rushed off down the corridor, leaving his brother to stare after him perplexedly, but no less worried than before.

* * *

After a breakfast during which Kíli had tried his best to keep up a cheerful conversation with the other dwarves at the table in order to not give Fíli a chance to resume their previous discussion, the two brothers set off towards their respective rooms to collect their weapons.

As he walked along the never ending corridors of Erebor, Kíli felt sick to his stomach. Contrary to his earlier assertion, he had not felt hungry at all. All the food on his plate had tasted blandly once he put it in his mouth and it had been quite a struggle to chew and swallow it all and keep up a cheerful air. But for the sake of keeping up appearances he had eaten it all, feeling his brother's eyes on him all the time.

While it pained him to shut out his brother like this and hurt to know that not even he who knew him so well was able to take his feeling for Tauriel seriously, the events of this morning had at least hardened Kíli's resolution to keep everything that had transpired between him and Tauriel a secret. From their first intimate conversation in the dungeons of Mirkwood to their dream-like, heated encounter the previous night. Not that that was anybody's business any way.

Arriving in his room, Kíli grabbed his sword and some protective armor. On second thought he also took the piece of parchment with the Elvish words on it out from under his pillow, carefully folded it into a small rectangle and stowed it away in his shirt pocket. He couldn't know whether today an opportunity might open up to look into that matter.

Taking a deep breath to ease the nausea that he still felt, Kíli set off to meet his brother. Maybe a little distraction and physical activity would do him good after all.

* * *

"You filthy, stinking-"

The rest of Kíli's curse for his older brother was muffled by Fíli's shoulder pressing into his face, flattening him against the ground and decreasing his chances of wrestling out of Fíli's grasp.

Both dwarf princes were covered in sweat, hair falling into their foreheads in damp strands, their faces flushed from their exertions. Swords and daggers had long been discarded, as had the bulkier parts of their armor. Now this was down to full-contact wrestling, each of them trying to overpower the other with his bodily strength.

And Fíli was winning, as Kíli hated to admit. Fíli had always been the better one of the pair when it came to this way of fighting. Even though he knew that it was probably hopeless, Kíli refused to give up yet and tried to pour all of his pent-up anger and frustration into his final attempt to push his brother off himself.

He growled in frustration when Fíli barely moved an inch and even had the audacity to laugh at his younger brother's effort to free himself. In an attempt to pin Kíli to the floor completely and thereby end their fight, Fíli wrapped one of his arms around the back of Kíli's right knee and pulled up his leg.

Kíli's angry growl immediately turned into an agonized scream when a sharp pain shot through his leg, caused by the arrow wound that was still healing.

Shocked, Fíli immediately let go of Kíli's leg and scrambled off his brother's body, hurriedly checking for any damage.

"Damn it, Kíli, I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking…"

Kíli tried to calm his breathing, waiting for the pain to ebb away. "I'm alright, don't worry," he finally choked out.

Fíli's gaze remained worried. Only when Kíli sat up and gave his brother a slight smile, did the lines of worry on his forehead smoothen. "I'm okay, Fíl. Really. Relax."

Fíli got to his feet an extended a hand to help his brother up. He bit his lip when he saw Kíli wobble slightly once he was on his feet again and then favor his left leg. "I guess we had better stop now. You should rest."

Kíli smiled, his mood brightening at the thought that now he might have a chance to go off on his own and try to find a book or something else that would help him with an Elvish translation. "I'll have my revenge for that one though." He winked at his brother, not wanting him to worry himself any more than he already did.

Fíli seemed relieved that Kíli was not severely hurt. "I'll pack up here. You go and lay down for a while."

For once Kíli was happy to oblige and made his way to the door of the room they had occupied for their training, careful not to let his limp show too much. His leg _did_ hurt quite a bit after all. Once he had shut the door behind him securely he glanced around himself and then set out not for his own room, but in theopposite direction.

* * *

Half an hour later, Kíli found himself wondering if there actually was such a thing as a library at Erebor. Most of the dwarves he knew – including himself - were not exactly what you would call bookish. Maybe his ancestors had never bothered to compile a collection of books and other writings?

But then he shook his head. No, there were also dwarves such as Balin, who was quite well-read in a huge number of areas. He could not have gained all that knowledge from oral storytelling amongst his own kin.

When he was almost ready to give up his search for the day, Kíli turned another corner and bumped into another person. It was Bilbo.

Kíli smiled at the small guy, suddenly feeling sorry that he hadn't been paying much attention to him every since their return to Erebor. Gandalf had yet to show up and it seemed as if Bilbo, now that his task had been accomplished, was unsure of how to proceed. So he had apparently decided to just remain at Erebor for the time being.

"Mr. Boggins," Kíli said kindly, deliberately mispronouncing Bilbo's name, "what a surprise. Did you lose your way?"

"Oh, not at all," Bilbo responded. "I was just on my way to get second breakfast after returning a book to the library."

Kíli's face brightened. "The library? Excellent! Point me in its direction, would you?"

Bilbo merely gaped at him.

"What?" Kíli asked, pretending to be offended. "I _can_ read, you know."

"O- of course," Bilbo spluttered. Except for very few members of their company, Bilbo always seemed to be slightly ill at ease around most of them. Well, Kíli couldn't really blame him for that. They had given him a bit of a rough time more than once during their journey. He smiled at the hobbit reassuringly, trying to tell him that he had done nothing wrong.

Bilbo relaxed a little at that. "Take the next turn to the left, then the second one to the right, and there you'll find it at the end of the hallway. It's quite impressive actually."

Kíli's heart sank at that. Would he be able to find what he was looking for amongst a huge number of texts? Well, he would just have to try.

Thanking Bilbo for his service, Kíli set off down the hallway. The task that lay ahead of him was something he had never really thought he would be confronted with. Well, he thought, there's a first for everything. But he would definitely have preferred to fight another dragon.


	12. Chapter 11

_Author's note: Thank you for your reviews, I love each and every one of them. I'm so glad that you're still out there, reading and enjoying my story. Hope you like this new chapter! I know that things are progressing a little slowly right now, but I promise that there will be some unexpected plot twists in the upcoming chapters.  
_

_Disclaimer: "The Hobbit" does not belong to me, nor do its characters. _

**Chapter XI**

"Uhhhhgh."

Kíli groaned in desperation and let his head sink onto his arms folded in front of him on the table.

So many books. There were so many books in the library of Erebor, Kíli had not known that so many even _existed_.

Upon entering the halls where they were stored on broad shelves that almost reached the ceiling, Kíli had realized immediately that this would not be as easy as he had initially thought it would be. Walk in, pull out a dictionary of some sort, figure out what the words he had hastily scribbled down on a piece of parchment this morning meant.

Nope, that was definitely not how this would work. But he had to at least try, didn't he? So he had just started searching for a book that might help him at some random point in the library, running his fingers along the spines of the many volumes, occasionally sneezing when he whirled up too much dust.

After a while he had at least managed to figure out that the books had not been put into the shelves haphazardly. They were not ordered alphabetically either, but instead arranged according to subject matter. Eventually he had located a section with a number of books that had Elvish writing on their spines – if he wanted to find a translation of the words he had heard in his dream that was probably where he would have to look.

So he had pulled book after book from the shelves, carrying them towards one of the tables that were clearly meant for studying, and had started flicking through them, looking for anything that seemed familiar.

The problem was – he couldn't read Elvish script. And quite a number of the books where at least partly written in it. So how was he supposed to recognize Tauriel's words if he ever came across them? Somehow he had not thought of that before.

So, laboriously, he had tried his best to transcribe the words on the, by now slightly tattered, piece of parchment into Elvish script, using a table he had found in a book that seemed to study and compare different Elvish dialects. He had no way of knowing if those 'words' were even actual Elvish words and what he had ended up with looked… _odd_, but it would have to do.

That had been two hours ago. Since then he had virtually made no progress at all. Nothing he saw in those books made any sense to him. The pile of discarded volumes to his right side was growing and growing, but he had yet to find anything at all that might be helpful.

Sighing he raised his head from where it rested on his arms and stared at the pages in front of him, supporting his head with both hands. The letters and runes began to blur before his eyes, rearranging themselves on the page, forming new words that made no sense at all – not that they had before, for that matter. He rubbed his eyes. He had gotten too much dust into them and now they felt itchy and tired. The dim light issued by the small lamp he had lighted and the stale, musty air did nothing to improve his concentration.

Maybe if he closed his eyes, just for a minute, his vision as well as his head would become clear once more…

Kíli could have sworn that only a second had passed, but suddenly he could feel himself drifting, seeing things that should not be there at all, colors, forms that he did not recognize. Disoriented he looked around himself, trying to make sense of his surroundings. He could not.

Quite abruptly he became aware of another presence there with him among the blurred shapes, a presence very familiar to him. Tauriel. He could sense her. Her presence was so strong, so overwhelming that he could almost taste her essence on his tongue as if she were everywhere at once, as if she were the air that he breathed.

He could feel her fear, her desperation, and while he could not hear her voice, he could sense her calling for him, looking for him in this surreal space. He tried to answer her, to return her call, but he choked, unable to utter a single sound. He imagined the dust he had been breathing in clogging his respiratory system, blocking his air. He clutched at his throat, trying to force air into his lungs.

Suddenly he felt fingers brush against his hand, saw a strand of red hair flit through his vision. He reached out with one hand, but his fingers only met with empty air.

A loud thud echoed in his ears and he opened his eyes to find himself back in the library of Erebor. He had pushed a particularly heavy volume off the table when he had stretched out his arm and it had crashed onto the floor.

Disoriented, he lifted his head and blinked a couple of times. He jumped in shock when he noticed Balin standing on the other side of his desk, looking at him curiously.

"Everything alright there, laddie?" Balin asked him, inclining his head to one side.

"Umm," Kíli stammered, "sure. I was just... reading." With his hands beneath the table, he quickly balled up the parchment with his feeble attempts at a translation and pushed it up his sleeve.

"I can see that," the older dwarf responded, an amused smile playing around his lips. "But be careful with those old volumes. Some of them are rather valuable and do not take well to being thrown around," he added and bent down to retrieve the book that had fallen to the floor. It had landed with its pages opened and Balin picked it up carefully, blowing some dirt off the yellowed pages.

He frowned when he looked at the opened page. "An Elvish grammar?" He glanced at Kíli in surprise. "I had no idea that you were a student of other languages."

Kíli laughed and ran a nervous hand trough his dark hair, clearly embarrassed. He had not worried about getting caught, but of course he should have remembered that Balin was very likely to visit the library at some point as well. "What can I say?" he replied, putting on an air of false confidence. "I'm full of surprises."

He winked at Balin and hastily started collecting the books on the desk before Balin could ask any more questions. "But I'm done for today. The place is all yours, let me just put those back where I got them from."

He started carrying the huge pile of books towards the shelf from which he had retrieved them, wobbling slightly under their weight. He paused when Balin called out to him.

"Was there anything in particular that you were looking for? I have at least some knowledge of the Elvish tongue and might be able to help you."

Kíli hesitated and turned back in Balin's direction. True, it would be the easiest way to simply ask him to help with a translation. It was not as if that thought had not occurred to Kíli already. But two things held him back. First of all, he had no idea what the words meant – if they meant anything at all. He had a feeling that whatever the meaning of those words was, it might rouse many more questions. Secondly, Balin was Thorin's confidant. And Kíli did not want to risk word of his sudden interest in the Elvish language get around to Thorin. Not after his uncle had already expressed worry about Kíli's friendliness with the Elven kind.

So he declined. "Nah, thanks. I was just looking at stuff randomly, because I got bored. Nothing else."

Balin nodded slowly, but Kíli could not help but notice a slight trace of suspicion in his eyes. Had Thorin already spoken to Balin about their conversation? He hoped not.

Eager to get away, Kíli returned the books to their shelf, not really bothering to arrange them in a particular order. With a quick wave at Balin and a mumbled goodbye, he fled the library.

This had not been a helpful trip at all. On the contrary, it might even cause him more trouble at some point in the future.

* * *

Kíli sat at the long table in the dining hall, staring down at his plate in desolation. After his fruitless visit to the library, how was he supposed to solve the mystery of his dreams? He knew that he should probably just let it go, but he could not. It ate him up from inside, not knowing, always wondering.

If only there was a way for him to figure out how the runestone had come back to him. His brain hurt from trying so hard to make sense of this and still he could not come up with a probable explanation for this circumstance. But then he was well aware that there were many things in the world that he did not know and could not comprehend. If only there was someone who could help him, who could point him in the right direction...

He poked at his food listlessly, waiting for the other dwarves to settle down so that they could all start with their dinner. Across from him, Bofur picked up some peas off his own plate and started flicking them at Kíli's lowered head.

Kíli glared at Bofur and retrieved a pea from his lap. "What do you think you're doing, mate?"

Bofur just shrugged. "Figured that any reaction from you would be better than watching you sit there and mope. What's the matter?"

Kíli managed a half-grin and threw the pea back at Bofur who caught it with his mouth and grinned. "Nothing, really," Kíli responded to Bofur's question. He glanced around the table, trying to find another topic for conversation aside from his state of mind. He was tired of people constantly asking him whether he was alright. He frowned when he noticed that his uncle's chair was still empty and that everybody was waiting impatiently to start eating. "Where's Thorin?"

Bofur twirled his beard around his forefinger. "Out in the hall, with Balin. I saw them together on my way in, discussing something, apparently."

Kíli's frown deepened. That did not sound good. Or was he just getting paranoid? Maybe this did not have anything to do with him at all.

Bofur glanced around and then leaned in, speaking in a slightly lowered voice. Not that the dwarves left and right to them were listening anyway, they were much too busy complaining about the delay. "Thorin was very interested in our time alone in Laketown, by the way. Asked me lots of questions."

Kíli's eyebrows shot up. "Did he?"

Bofur nodded, confirming with his eyes what Kíli was wondering in his head. Those questions had centered around him. And Tauriel.

Kíli hesitated. "Umm… and what did you tell him?"

Bofur did not look very happy. "Nothing much. Just that I don't feel it's right to leave the people there to sort everything out for themselves after Smaug tore the city to pieces. It's not honorable, it's not fair. But Thorin did not seem to share my opinion."

Kíli felt relieved and worried at the same time. Relieved that apparently in Bofur he had found someone who did not care what had or hadn't happened between him and Tauriel. Worried that it seemed as if he was not the only one who felt ill at ease with some of Thorin's decisions.

He looked at the other dwarves grouped around the table. They all seemed cheerful enough. Happy to be at Erebor. Grateful and loyal to their king. But somewhere at the back of his mind Kíli sensed that soon a rift might be forming amongst their group. This thought filled him with fear.

So, to appease Bofur, he said, "I'm sure Thorin will warm up to the idea of supporting the people in Laketown soon. Once everything has settled down a little. He would never just turn a blind eye to their suffering. He knows better than most of us what it feels like to lose your home." Why did this not sound convincing even to himself?

Bofur was about to reply something when the door opened and Thorin walked in, quickly taking his seat at the head of the long table. Balin followed shortly after.

A sigh of relief ran through the group and they – finally! – were able to begin with their meal.

Kíli forced bite after bite into his mouth, chewing slowly, trying to bring himself to enjoy the flavors. He failed miserably. It felt as if a knot had formed in his stomach that would simply not allow any food to pass though. As he reached for his jug of ale to wash down the little bit that he had eaten, he looked up and saw Thorin looking at him intently. He did not look happy.

Quickly, Kíli dropped his gaze back to his plate and frowned, his insides twisting themselves up further with the jolt of unease that ran through him at seeing his uncle look at him like that. Well, that was it then, he was done eating. He pushed his food away in dismay.

"Are you going to finish this?" Bombur asked next to him.

Kíli shook his head. "Nah, go ahead." Bombur's eyes lit up as he reached for the younger dwarf's plate. Kíli could feel more than one pair of eyes resting on him as he pushed his plate towards the large dwarf.

It took all his resolution to remain where he was and not get up and flee the room. That would only serve to attract even more attention. He rubbed a hand over his mouth. If all this tension would not be resolved anytime soon, he would go insane. And he would starve.

When everybody was done eating and started getting up to clear away the dishes, Kíli rose from his chair slowly, hoping to be able to sneak away quietly and find somewhere peaceful where no one would come looking for him. But Thorin's voice stopped him in the middle of the movement. "Kíli. Stay for a moment longer, would you? I want to talk to you."

Without looking at his uncle, Kíli fell back onto his chair in defeat. He waited for the others to leave the room, feeling their surprised looks and hearing them whisper amongst themselves.

Fíli was the last one to leave and closed the door behind him with a final worried glance at his younger brother.

Kíli kept his gaze focused on the surface of the table while Thorin left his seat and crossed the room to sit down in the spot across from his nephew.

When Kíli continued to stare at the tabletop, Thorin spoke. "Kíli. Look at me please."

The hint of gentleness in his voice made Kíli look up to meet his uncle's eyes. "I know what this is about," he said before Thorin could say anything else.

The dwarf king leaned back in his chair. "Then you know more than I do," he replied, looking at Kíli for a long, silent moment before continuing. "Your conduct of late confuses and alarms me, but no matter how hard I try to put the pieces together and make sense of it all, I only end up with more questions than before."

Kíli remained silent and dropped his gaze once more.

Thorin sighed. "I wish you would tell me what it is that is troubling you and that is making you act so out of character. You and your brother are like sons to me. I worry about you."

The young dwarf prince looked back up at his uncle. "Is it truly _me_ that you are worried about or rather my loyalty?"

Thorin's face hardened. "Is there a reason to doubt your loyalty?"

The two raven haired dwarves stared at each other for a long moment, the air heavy with the tension between them. Kíli's palms grew sweaty and he could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

Suddenly the door burst open and Gandalf rushed in, Fíli following closely behind.

Uncle and nephew whipped their heads around in surprise, staring at the grey wizard who exuded an air of extreme urgency. Thorin rose from his chair and opened his mouth to greet Gandalf, but was interrupted by him before he could utter a single word.

"I do not bring good news," he said gravely. "We are all in great danger."

* * *

Blood. There was so much blood seeping into the ground at the foot of the Lonely Mountain. Orc blood, dwarf blood. Blood of men, blood of elves. All mingling together, staining the earth black and red.

Kíli tried not to let the images enter his head, tried not to consciously reflect on all this violence. Instead he kept going and going and going, cutting down orc after orc with his blade, defending his home, defending his family, defending his king.

Despite what had passed between him and Thorin, they were now fighting side by side together with Fíli, protecting each other. Everything that had been said had lost its significance for the time being and all that remained was their fierce love for one another and their kingdom. None would dare question the loyalty of the other at this very moment.

Kíli leaped over the body of a fallen elf in pursuit of another orc, forcing himself not to stop and check if it was _her_. Ever since Gandalf had informed them of the army that was marching towards Erebor and had promised that help from Mirkwood was on its way, one question had permanently been present at the back of mind: Was Tauriel coming, too?

He forbade himself to linger on that question, knowing that this was neither the right time nor the right place for romance. He needed his mind to be focused, his senses to be alert. But he could not control his heart that missed a beat every time he saw an elf fall at the hands of an orc, praying that it was not Tauriel, praying that he would not see her lifeless eyes stare back at him if he dared to look.

Suddenly Kíli found himself with his back to a large boulder, fending off a large number of orcs, his brother and uncle fighting beside him. They were cornered, the number of enemies advancing on them much larger than what the three of them could handle.

"Kíli, get up there," Thorin shouted. Kíli glanced at the boulder and immediately understood what his uncle wanted him to do. He hefted himself up onto the massive stone, ignoring the pain that the action caused to explode in his right leg.

From this vantage ground he could take an excellent aim at the orcs attacking Fíli and Thorin below and, without delay, began to take them out one by one with his bow, clearing the ground for his kinsmen to go forth. As they slowly moved away from the boulder, Kíli made to follow them, but was distracted for the briefest of seconds by a flicker of red at the edge of his vision. He whipped his head around, scanning the chaos below for any signs of Tauriel, but saw nothing. Only death and destruction.

His brother's cry made him turn back around. "Thorin!"

Time seemed to slow down as he watched his uncle fall to his knees from a blow delivered by a particularly dangerous-looking, gigantic orc. Kíli recognized him immediately. It was the one who had been leading the pack of orcs that had been following them. The one that shot him with a poisoned arrow.

Upon seeing Thorin fall, Fíli leaped in front of his uncle, using all his strength to fend off the foul creature that towered over him. Kíli slid of the boulder, almost falling to his knees as he came into contact with the ground. His leg would not hold out much longer and he felt barely able to walk. It was only adrenaline that kept him going as he sprinted to his brother's aid. But he was not fast enough.

"Fíli!" His eyes wide with panic he could only watch as the orc swung his weapon and delivered a nasty blow to his brother's face, causing Fíli to collapse on top of Thorin's lifeless body. His face was covered in blood. Desperation lent a final surge of strength to Kíli's battered body and he threw himself in front of his brother and uncle, attacking the orc with everything that he had. But it was not enough, he did not stand a chance against the much larger creature in his weakened state.

He caught a heavy blow to his chest and thought he could hear something inside of him crack. His sword was knocked from his hand and landed a couple of feet away, out of his reach. He fell onto his back right next to Fíli and Thorin, scrambling to shield them both with his body. He watched helplessly as the giant orc raised his weapon and waited for the final blow to be delivered.

So this was it. The end had come. If only he had had the chance to see her once more, to watch her eyes shine as they reflected the light of the stars.

Suddenly the throat of the vile creature in front of him was pierced by an arrow. A look of shock registered on the orc's face for a split second before he fell to his knees, clutching his neck. He slumped forward as he drew his last breath, crashing to the ground, burying Kíli and the two dwarves he was trying to protect beneath his massive body. Kíli raised up his arms to shield himself. Then everything went black.

Several feet away, out of Kíli's line of sight, Legolas lowered his bow, furrowing his brow in confusion as if trying to understand what on earth had suddenly made him save the dark-haired young dwarf that had brought him so much trouble, caused him so much pain.


	13. Chapter 12

_Author's note: Thanks for staying with me, reading and reviewing. I did not realize that the ending of the previous chapter was a little ambiguous - sorry if it made some of you a little sad and worried for Kíli and the others. Let me say that if - IF! - I ever let someone die in this story, I will post a warning first ;)_

_This chapter is pretty depressing - sorry about that. I might make up for it with another update in the course of the next two days, but I can't promise anything. Hope you enjoy it, anyway!_

_Disclaimer: Don't own "The Hobbit"..._

**Chapter XII**

When Tauriel came to her senses her face was wet. She wondered whether she had been crying in her sleep and struggled to remember, to focus her thoughts on what had happened.

For what felt like forever she had been locked away in her own mind, searching for something – no, searching for some_one_. Who was it that she had been looking for so desperately? Kíli. Yes of course, her dark haired, dwarf lover. He had been there with her, taking her to heights she had never known. Only to be cruelly ripped away from her, leaving her to wander about in darkness, searching, but never finding.

When she opened her eyes she saw a young elf-maid standing above her, wiping her face with a damp cloth. So that was where the wetness on her face came from.

Tauriel lifted her hand, slowly, sluggishly, and closed her hand around the other elf's wrist, stilling her movement. She tried to speak, but her throat was so dry that all she managed was a rasping sound.

The young she-elf smiled at her and, effortlessly loosening Tauriel's grasp on her wrist, reached for a cup filled with water. She held it to Tauriel's lips and allowed her to drink from it in small sips. The cool water felt deliciously cool as it soothed the dryness of her throat. While she drank Tauriel looked at the young woman, trying to remember if she knew her. She had light brown hair that was tied into an intricate pattern of braids, coming down to her waist. Her eyes were blue with some fascinating specks of gold scattered around the iris. Her face was gentle, like that of a person born to care for others, help them when she was needed.

Exhausted from the small effort of drinking from the cup, Tauriel let her head fall back on the pillow. "Who are you?" she asked, her voice much clearer now, even though it still sounded strange and hollow to her own ears.

"My name is Nimwen," her companion responded. "I was sent to look after you by Prince Legolas. I am a healer."

_Legolas._

Suddenly it all came rushing back to her. He had poisoned her, laced her drink with some substance to make her fall asleep in order to prevent her from leaving Mirkwood. That treacherous little-

She tried to sit up, knocking over the cup of water that Nimwen still held in her hand. The healer quickly put the cup aside and moved to restrain the angry redhead. But that was not necessary. The sudden change in position caused all blood to drain from Tauriel's head, making her feel dizzy and faint, her vision becoming blurred. Deflated she sank back onto the bed, closing her eyes against the uncomfortable sensation.

"What did he do to me?" she whispered weakly, looking at the young woman beside her bed from beneath half-closed lids.

Nimwen looked away guiltily. Then she produced a small flask from a fold in her light blue dress and showed it to Tauriel. It contained a thick liquid that was almost black with a slightly reddish shade to it. "I call it nightleaf. It's my… my specialty."

Tauriel just looked at her blankly.

Nimwen sat down on the edge of the bed and explained. "You see, this is a powerful tincture that I brew. It makes the one who takes it fall into a deep sleep that can last for a long time – depending on the dose. I mostly use it when someone has been so badly injured or has fallen so ill that the strain of simply being conscious is already too much. It gives them time to heal." She paused. "Most of the other healers do not agree with this kind of treatment. I think the thought of, in essence, overpowering all senses of an Elf and forcing them to shut down, scares them. That is why you have probably not heard of my little potion before."

"But I was neither sick nor injured," Tauriel protested, even though she knew that it was pointless to do so now. What was done was done.

Nimwen bit her lip. "Well, Legolas knew of the nightleaf because I used it on a soldier in his command many years ago. He sought me out a few days ago, asking for a few drops of it to… to help a friend, he said. I refused to give it to him without being able to first make a diagnosis of my own, but he… insisted." She blushed fiercely.

Tauriel huffed in indignation. Legolas knew how to work his charm on females – and males from time to time – when he really needed something.

The young healer looked at her apologetically. "He seemed so very worried about you. He made me promise to not leave your side for a second after you… well, you know."

Tauriel turned her head away, hurt at being set up like this. "How long was I gone?" She dreaded the answer, but she had to know.

"Four days," Nimwen answered in a low voice.

Tauriel closed her eyes to prevent the tears that were gathering there from falling. Too long. It was too late now. Even if she did not feel so terribly weak and were able to leave for Erebor right away, she would arrive there much too late. Maybe he was already gone by now.

"Tell me please," she asked Nimwen in a resigned voice. "Have there been any news of the battle? The one that Legolas rode to?"

The young she-elf frowned, obviously troubled by the topic. She rose and walked over to the window, looking out at the sky. It looked to be around midday. "No, nothing yet," she replied. "But for two nights in a row now the sky has been on fire."

Nimwen remained at the window, hugging herself. Oh Legolas, Tauriel thought, if only you could see what you have done to the poor girl, promising her who knows what. But she also sympathized with the younger woman. After all her own heart, too, ached for someone who was fighting in that battle so many miles away.

She let her eyes drift closed, half wishing for some more of Nimwen's strange potion. Wishing that she could simply go back to sleep and find that place in her mind once more where she could be with Kíli, where she could feel his lips on her skin and his breath in her hair, fingers clutching, holding, caressing.

* * *

Tauriel gazed at the woods and sky beyond her window tiredly. It seemed as if nowadays she could hardly muster the strength to keep her eyes open. And yet she could not sleep. If only she could, even if only to escape this unexpected, depressing turn that her life had taken lately.

She had left her bed two days ago, but still she had not recovered enough to stand or let alone move about for more than a couple of minutes. Nimwen assured her that it was normal for nightleaf to have this kind of impact upon an elf's body, but Tauriel thought that she caught a hint of worry in the young healer's eyes despite those assurances.

Idly she wondered what Thranduil had been told to explain her absence from her duty that now lasted for almost a week. As far as Tauriel knew, no one had been there to see her or to inquire about her. Except for Nimwen of course, who faithfully remained by her side for most of the time. Tauriel guessed that between themselves, Legolas and Nimwen must have come up with some kind of excuse to tell the king. It had crossed her mind to ask Nimwen more than once, but each time she had found that she did not truly care for the answer. It was not as if it would have made any difference to her anyway.

She felt so old. As if every single one of the several hundreds of years she had spent wandering this earth was weighing down her body, her spirits, her mind. For the first few hours after she had awoken from her drug induced sleep she had raged inside, cursed Legolas for his treacherous actions. Her heart had wept with longing for the young dwarf prince who, in the physical word, was so far out of her reach and yet ever present in her mind. While her body refused to cooperate, her mind had been set on going through with her original plan of leaving Mirkwood to join the Dwarves of Erebor. To join Kíli. If he would have her.

But then something had changed, as if a plug had been pulled and all her anger, all her longing, her passion and determination had seeped out of her in one long sigh. One minute she had been fine, plotting her escape and planning her journey to a place she had never thought she would visit one day, but then, suddenly, something inside her had snapped, some part of herself that had sustained her, had kept her going, had been broken, destroyed.

She had let out a gasp as a sharp pain had radiated from her chest into every inch of her body. Nimwen had rushed to her side immediately, smoothing back her hair from her forehead, asking what was wrong, how she could help. Tauriel had shrugged her off quickly, telling her it was nothing, she was fine. But deep inside she had known that she would never be fine again. That somewhere, on a battle field many, many miles away, the one whom she had lost her heart to, had been struck down.

Nimwen had tried to make her comfortable, had offered drink, food, medicine, physical comfort. But Tauriel knew there was no remedy for a broken heart.

Instinctively, she had slipped one hand beneath her blanket, searching for her lover's token, the runestone that was all she had left of him now. Grief had threatened to overwhelm her when she realized that it was not where she had put it – the pockets of her shirt lay flat and empty against her chest.

"Where is it?" she had whispered, causing her appointed nurse to look at her in confusion.

"Where is what, dear?" Nimwen had asked, puzzled. "What are you looking for?"

"The stone," Tauriel had replied, her voice urgent. "What did you do with it?"

Nimwen had furrowed her brow in sorrow. "I am afraid I do not know what you speak of. I haven't touched any of your possessions, and there is no stone or anything similar here as far as I can see."

Tauriel had frowned. Legolas. He had to have removed it from her pocket. Why couldn't he at least let her have the small comfort of this small souvenir, something to hold on to, to seek comfort in?

Paradoxically this realization had been what had helped to her to keep it together, to not fall apart at that very moment. Somehow the notion had manifested itself inside her mind that as long as she still had hope to recover the stone Kíli had given her, she could keep going, keep hoping that this would all end well.

So she had settled down to wait for Legolas' return to the halls of Mirkwood, pushing everything else as far from her mind as possible for the time being.

Listlessly she stared at the clouds moving across the sky without really seeing them. Nimwen had made herself comfortable in a cushioned chair opposite hers. On a small table in front of her, she had aligned several flasks, bottles and small jars, and was busy chopping up various plants, herbs, roots and the like, filling one small container after the other. Tauriel had long given up on figuring out the system Nimwen was following in her work, most of the time it seemed as if she was combining ingredients at random, just to see what would come out of it.

To her own surprise, Tauriel actually did not mind Nimwen's continuous presence at all. She was a quite unobtrusive person and Tauriel thought that, had the circumstances been different, she might actually have become good friends with the younger elf. As it was, Nimwen being there helped her to retain as much of her sanity as possible, to not lose herself in the dark corridors that seemed to open themselves up in her mind all of a sudden.

With her eyes Tauriel had been following the path of a small bird flitting across the sky in front of her window for some time when Nimwen suddenly drew in a sharp breath, jumping up from her chair abruptly, almost knocking over some of the open flasks on the table before her.

Even with her mind numbed by grief, Tauriel did not even have to turn her head to know what had startled her new friend.

"Legolas," she said, the hollowness of her own voice slightly surprising, but not shocking to herself anymore.

Inclining her head slightly, she saw him hesitate on the threshold to her room briefly, before daring to step inside. He nodded to Nimwen, gracing her with a small smile intended to thank her for her service and dismiss her simultaneously.

Blushing fiercely, the young she-elf gathered most of her things together. "I- I am glad to see you alive and well," she stammered, briefly stopping in front of Legolas before leaving the room hurriedly.

Tauriel felt Legolas come up behind her. She searched around inside herself to see if she could conjure some of the anger that she had felt for him back up to throw it in his face. She was mildly annoyed to find that she lacked all energy to do so.

"Sit," she thus simply said, gesturing towards the chair that Nimwen had just left. "Let us speak."

Legolas stepped around her cautiously, obviously still expecting some kind of outbreak from her side. She saw his eyes widen in shock when his eyes fell upon her face. She had to look quite awful to cause this kind of reaction from him.

He did not take the chair offered to him, but instead chose to lean against the wall beside her window, crossing his arms in front of him. "I only did what I thought was best for you, Tauriel. I could not allow you to throw your life away like that," he said, defending himself against an accusation that had not been made.

Tauriel closed her eyes briefly, unwilling to lapse into a discussion of what was and wasn't right for her. None of this mattered now.

"The stone," she whispered. "Give it back to me."

She opened her eyes to see Legolas stare at her in confusion.

"What stone?" he replied.

"The runestone," she said, her voice shaky. Now that Legolas was here she could feel her carefully maintained control slipping fast. "It was in my pocket. You took it away from me."

Legolas frowned, now looking genuinely worried by her elliptic statement. When he noticed that she was breathing heavily, he left his spot near her window and crossed the short distance to where Tauriel was slumped in her chair, kneeling down before her.

"I do not know what you speak of, Tauriel. I'm sorry, but I did not take anything from you," he said, his voice gentle. "What did the stone look like? Do you want me to search for it?"

Tauriel did not answer him, but went back to staring out of the window. Now there truly was nothing to hold onto anymore, her mind a black abyss with no light to guide her from it as she felt herself slipping away further from reality, from her life.

"Kíli is dead," she said, not phrasing her words as a question because she already knew the answer.

Legolas lowered his head, staring at the ground while pressing his lips together. If she had been looking for a confirmation this would have sufficed to tell her that she was right. After a couple of seconds he rose, not quite looking at her when he said, "I have to go speak with my father now. I came straight here upon my return and I cannot let him wait any longer. We will speak more, later."

Tauriel did not react.

"You are not well," Legolas said. "I will send Nimwen to keep you company."

"No," Tauriel said quickly. "Please, I want to be alone for a little while."

Legolas hesitated, but then nodded and left her room swiftly as if he could not bear to be near her any longer.

Tauriel remained where she was, her eyes fixed on some point of the horizon, unseeing. She did not know what she had expected. A miracle of some sort, maybe. Something that would make the pain go away. But now she knew that no such miracle would come and that she would have to go on existing with every fiber of her heart burning with grief and despair, poisoning her mind, making her lose her sanity eventually. Because while her spirit was slowly dying, she knew that her body would not. She was faced with an eternity of heartache.

Slowly the fingers of her right hand closed around a small object lying in her lap, which, several hours before, she had hidden beneath the blanket draped over her body in an unobserved moment. She pulled out the small flask and looked at the dark liquid inside, the reddish glow of which was more pronounced in the light of the setting sun.

Maybe there was a way to escape an eternity full of suffering. A way to set her mind free from her body, allow it to travel to places that were not accessible to her in the physical world, to be with someone whom she would never be able to gaze upon again in this life.

Drawing a shaky breath, Tauriel uncorked the small, crystalline container.

* * *

Legolas heard himself answer question after question that his father asked him, reporting the losses their kin had suffered during the battle that they now called Battle of the Five Armies, recounting the details of the tentative alliance that had been formed with the Dwarves and their king.

His mind, however, was with the she-elf he had just left – left in a state of obvious despair, overwhelmed by grief that she seemed unable to express. Grief that Legolas, as her friend, could have cured, but had not.

Because he knew that Kíli lived. Knew so for a fact because it had been his own hands that had saved him from a certain death, his own arrow that had ended the life of Bolg who had been about to finish what he had started at the gates of Mirkwood where he had shot the young dwarf with a Morgul arrow. He also knew that, while Kíli's injuries had not been exactly trivial, he was probably on the road to recovery by now, tended to by both dwarven healers and some of Legolas' own kin who had volunteered to stay behind and treat the wounded.

But despite the fact that Legolas knew all this, he had not managed to bring himself to say the words when Tauriel had, desolately, stated that the dwarf she had fallen for was dead. As Legolas had sought her out in her room, worried by what might await him there, his heart had wept at the state he found her in, at how pale her skin looked, her eyes listless, dark circles underneath, her red hair having lost its shine, the long curls falling limply over her shoulders. All he had been able to think about when he took in her appearance was that if she were his she would not look like this, that she would glow, her eyes would shine with laughter, everything about her an image of life itself. But instead her infatuation with the dwarf was slowly draining her, taking away all her happiness, all her zest for life. So, when she had uttered those words about Kíli with such utter conviction, a voice had piped up in Legolas' head, asking if it would not be better for her if she thought him dead, because maybe then she would be able to move on, to once more become the person he had come to care for so much.

So he had kept his mouth shut, allowing his dearest friend to go on thinking that her love was dead. Now he tried to tell himself that it had been right to do so, that he was only acting with her best interests in mind. But if that was true, why did he feel so terribly guilty, so utterly miserable?

He inwardly shook his head at himself, the irony of his predicament not lost to him. He could have had this so much easier, could have simply stood by and watch Kíli be slain at the hands of the enemy. What had caused him to step in and save his life instead? Legolas had asked himself that question many times since, trying to convince himself that his actions had merely been motivated by his hatred for Bolg, who had managed to get away from a death delivered by the blond elf's skilled warrior hands more than once before. But somewhere inside he knew that there was more to this. That on some level, he had already accepted Tauriel's feelings for the dwarf, and had reacted instinctively, saving the one who held his friend's heart. Even if now he knew that she would never be his, he cared enough for her to want her to be happy nevertheless. And if her happiness depended on this one dwarf, he had no right to sit back and watch him get himself killed.

If there was any truth to this – and Legolas liked to think that there was, that he was not a spiteful person, but instead a good friend – then he had just made a terrible mistake. Against his better judgment he had lied to his friend, breaking her heart. And he had lived for long enough to know what a broken heart could do to an elf.

"Legolas?"

Thranduil looked at his son questioningly and Legolas realized that he had fallen silent, breaking off his report in mid-sentence.

He stared at his father for a moment, hesitating.

"I am sorry father, but I have to go," he then said abruptly and turned around on his heel, heading for Tauriel's room.

His father seemed so perplexed that it took him a while to call after him in outrage. "Legolas! We are not done here, yet!"

But Legolas refused to stop and hurried along the many paths and corridors lying between the throne room and Tauriel's quarters. When he was almost there, he bumped into Nimwen as he turned a corner, the young she-elf wearing an expression of panic on her face.

"Prince Legolas," she said breathlessly. "I was just coming to fetch you. Tauriel, she-"

"What? What did she do?" Legolas interrupted her, horrified.

Nimwen seemed close to tears. "I'm so sorry, I did not realize that she took it from me, she must have done so when I was not looking.

"Took? Took what?" Legolas asked, confused.

Nimwen stared at him. "Nightleaf. It- there was only a little bit left in the bottle, but still enough to treat several elves. She took it all."

Legolas relaxed a little, relieved that Tauriel seemed to be here still, that she had not run off somewhere, getting herself in danger in her vulnerable state. He took hold of Nimwen's elbow, guiding her back the way she had come from, towards Tauriel's room. "But then she is merely asleep, isn't she?"

"Yes…" Nimwen replied, hesitantly. "It is not just the amount that she took that worries me, but also the close succession of the two doses. I have never used that much of it on one single elf in such a short time, so I do not know if her sleep will merely be prolonged or if there might be other side effects."

They entered Tauriel's room and quickly closed the door behind them. They both gazed at the form of the sleeping Tauriel, who was stretched out on her bed, her long red hair fanned out around her head.

"At least she looks peaceful now," Nimwen whispered. "As if whatever it was that has haunted her cannot reach her anymore."

Legolas evaded the young healer's gaze, burdened by the consequences of his thoughtless, selfish actions.


	14. Chapter 13

_Author's note: As tentatively promised, another new chapter. This is the longest chapter so far - and I think you'll like it ;) Let me know what you think, please!_

_Disclaimer: The Hobbit is not mine, nor are any of its characters._

* * *

**Chapter XIII**

Kíli ambled through the woods, taking a downhill path without really knowing where he was going. The ground felt soft beneath the soles of his feet. It was covered in moss, exuding a rich, earthy fragrance that reminded him of something – no, of someone.

He looked up to see the sun shine through the thick canopy of leaves, her light broken into small, golden rays that danced across his skin and made the air glitter with tiny particles of dust, pollen and microscopic insects.

Distracted by this spectacle, his foot got caught in one of the many tree roots protruding from the ground and he stumbled, almost fell, reaching for one of the nearby trees to steady himself. Leaning against the tree for support he looked on ahead and smiled when he saw a person sitting on the ground amongst the trees a little further down the hill, her long red hair glowing like fire in the sunlight. Her face was turned upward and she kept her eyes closed, a small smile playing around the corners of her sensual mouth. She looked like she belonged there, as if she was as much a part of the woods as any of the old, dignified trees.

Silently Kíli walked up behind her. He squatted down next to her, leaning up to press a gentle kiss to the pointy tip of her ear. Opening her eyes she turned her head and graced him with her most beautiful smile.

"I have been waiting for you, meleth e-gûr nîn." Tauriel's smile was bright, but Kíli thought that he detected a trace of sadness in her voice and a curious, fragile emotion in her eyes that he could not quite place.

He took one of her hands in both of his and raised it to his lips, placing a feather light kiss onto her knuckles. "I hope I did not make you wait for too long," he replied.

Her smile turned a little wistful when she said, "I would not mind waiting an eternity, if only I knew for sure that I could be with you again."

"Come here," he whispered, sensing that she needed comfort more than she needed his caresses right now and pulled her with him as he laid back on the uneven ground. Her head came to rest on his chest and he wrapped both of his arms around her, marveling at how small she felt in his arms, despite the fact that she was much taller than he was.

As he inhaled the tantalizing scent of her hair, Kíli feared that his heart might burst in his chest with happiness. How could anything on this earth be so pure, so utterly beautiful as she was? And that she would allow him to love her, to hold her close…

He ran a hand up and down the side of her body, a happy smile spreading across his face as he felt her mold herself into his embrace, pressing even closer to him. At the back of his mind a little voice kept nagging him that there was something he was supposed to ask her, some question he needed her to answer. He tried to hold onto that thought, tried to pull it towards him to inspect it more closely, tried to remember. Just when he thought that he almost had it, when he could already feel the words forming on his tongue, Tauriel lifted her head from his chest and gazed into his eyes with so much love, so much passion, and the thought slipped away from him like sand running through his fingers.

Now the only thought that held any power over his mind were her full lips and the warmth of her body where it was pressed against his. So he brought his head up a little and, cupping her neck with his hand, drew her into a tender kiss. It was as if their lips had retained their memory of each other, and without hesitation or awkward adjusting, began to move in unison, exploring, caressing.

Kíli could not suppress a small moan when Tauriel's tongue joined her lips and he gasped in surprise when she pushed herself off the ground, straddling him with her long, perfect legs. Her kisses became more urgent and Kíli could feel his own hips lift up in response when she ground herself against him.

She broke their kiss and, hurriedly, her brow furrowed in concentration, set to work on the lacing of his shirt with nimble fingers. Kíli forced himself to lift his hands from where they rested on her hips and wrapped them around her wrists, stilling her movements. She looked at him in confusion, her eyes slightly unfocused.

"Slow down," he said, smiling gently, reassuringly. "We can take all the time we want."

"Don't you want me?" she asked, the unexpected insecurity in her voice almost breaking his heart.

He cupped her cheek, running his thumb across her lower lip. "I think there is plenty of evidence that I do want you, very much," he replied quietly, pressing his hips up against her to further prove his point.

"Then please, let me-" she said, breaking off in mid-sentence to reclaim his lips in a bruising kiss, half untying his shirt, half ripping it open. While he wondered at the urgency of her actions and the desperation in her touch, Kíli felt powerless to resist her, and so, sitting up, he pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it aside. Tauriel mirrored his movement and then, quickly, took care of both of their remaining garments.

Panting, Kíli fell back onto the mossy ground as she sat on top of him, joining her body with his in the most delicious way, making him feel complete again after so much time of longing for her touch. He moved his hands back to her hips, trying to guide her in her rhythm, trying to slow her down. He wanted to make this last, never wanted the exquisite sensation of being so close to her to end. But Tauriel had something else entirely on her mind and continued to grind herself against him hard and fast, making his eyes roll back in their sockets from the surge of pleasure that ran through his whole body with each and every one of her movements.

This was not sweet, gentle love-making anymore. This was raw, intense. And yet, as Kíli gazed up at his love, her eyes locked onto his and the sunlight breaking through the trees above her illuminating her in a kind of unearthly halo, he felt only tenderness and the purest form of love he had ever known radiate through his body. He felt the universe expand around him, growing larger and larger, brighter and brighter, until, like an explosion, everything fell apart and he was sent down a spiral of pleasure. He clamped his hands firmly down onto Tauriel's hips, slamming her down against him hard one last time and felt her shudder against him in response as she fell onto him, gasping, panting.

With her forehead resting against his, they stared at each other in wide-eyed amazement, waiting for their breathing to calm down. They were reluctant to let go of one another, both wanting to prolong this intimate moment. But eventually Tauriel slid off him and nestled herself against the side of his body. Turning his head, he pressed a kiss to her lips.

"Are you going to leave me now?" she asked, her voice sad.

Kíli frowned. "Why would I leave you? There is nowhere else on earth I'd rather be than here, with you."

Tauriel bit her lip. "You did the last time," she whispered. "Promise that you will find me again. Promise that you won't keep me waiting here for too long."

Kíli just stared at her, trying to figure out what she meant by that. The last time? Why, what had happened the last time? When _was_ the last time?

And suddenly he remembered, remembered what had happened after their encounter on a meadow several nights before, how afterwards he had tried to solve the puzzle of what appeared to be a dream, but maybe was so much more. He remembered the things that he should be asking her.

But when Kíli opened his mouth to ask her about the words she had said to him when they last saw each other, ask her about the runestone, to find some kind of confirmation that all of this was _real_, he found that he could not speak. An invisible, heavy weight seemed to rest on his chest, making it impossible to breathe, let alone talk. His eyes wide with panic he looked at Tauriel, who sat up and hectically examined his body, trying to locate the source of his obvious discomfort.

As the strain on his chest increased, Kíli could see the edges of his vision begin to blur and then everything began to crumble, to fall away. The last thing he saw were Tauriel's sad green eyes staring back at him as she, too, faded into darkness.

* * *

As Kíli struggled towards consciousness he felt a heavy weight holding him down and he fought against the sensation, like a drowning man trying to break through to the surface. Then, as he finally became aware of sounds and images once more, the weight pressing onto his chest was transformed into a sharp, stinging pain.

"Ahhh," he groaned through gritted teeth, trying to twist away from whatever it was that was causing him such agony. Swiftly two pairs of hands reached out and steadied him, pinning him down. As he looked up, two blurred figures appeared in his line of sight, looking down at him.

"Shh, take it easy," one of them spoke to him in a familiar voice, and then, directed at the other one, "Go get one of the healers, he might need something against the pain soon."

Kíli saw one of the figures nod and then disappear. The other one continued to look at him. Allowing his breathing to slow down, Kíli blinked a couple of times and slowly the person leaning over him came into focus. It was Bofur.

"Hi," Bofur said, smiling. "Nice to have you back again."

Kíli took a deep breath and tried to speak, but immediately winced from the pain that flared up in his chest.

Bofur winced as well, in obvious sympathy. "Try not to breathe in too deeply. You got yourself a broken rip or two."

Kíli carefully exhaled, understanding now where the pain came from. "What's going on?" he asked in a low voice. "Where am I?"

"At Erebor," his companion answered. "Don't you remember the battle? We found you buried beneath a nasty, big orc. Filthy thing. We already thought we'd lost all three of you when we couldn't find you."

Right. It all came back to him now. He resisted the urge to sit up and look around himself. Instead he asked Bofur: "Fíli? Thorin? They are alive as well?"

Bofur nodded, but Kíli noticed a shadow pass across the older dwarf's face. "Thorin is… fine. Thanks to you and your brother he did not suffer any serious injuries and is already back on his feet, managing… things."

Kíli raised his eyebrows at Bofur's evasive way of expressing things. But whatever was going on with Thorin had to wait for the time being, other matters were more pressing. "And Fíli? He's fine?"

"He's recovering." Bofur paused, making Kíli feel uneasy. "Took a bad blow to his face. There'll probably be quite some scarring."

Kíli winced, this time not from his own pain, but out of sympathy for his brother. "But it could be worse, right?"

"Sure," Bofur replied, smiling at him reassuringly. "I think it will simply take some time until he'll be himself again. He's been a little… distracted since he woke up, not his usual, cheery self. The battle changed him, I guess."

Kíli nodded. Hadn't it changed them all? He could see it even in Bofur's face, on which the many fine laughter lines had recently been joined by some deeper lines of worry.

"Do you remember what happened to the three of you, out there on the battle field?" Bofur suddenly asked.

Kíli mulled that question over in his head for a moment. He remembered parts of it, mostly disconnected feelings. He had been sure that he would die – that memory was pretty fresh still. But aside from that, everything seemed sort of hazy. What he paradoxically had a very clear recollection of was that, somewhere between him passing out on the battle field and struggling back towards consciousness a few minutes ago, he had been with Tauriel again. He stored that thought away for later examination.

"No, not quite" he thus answered Bofur's questions. "It's all very vague. I remember fighting against someone – something? – but aside from that…"

Bofur nodded. "It looked like you were trying to protect your brother and uncle from the enemy."

"Yeah…" Kíli tried to recall the events during the battle. "I remember being in pain and that the creature I was fighting was so much stronger than me. I think… I think they were about to kill me. And then there's nothing."

Bofur nodded. He bent down, out of Kíli's line of sight, and retrieved a bundle of cloth. Unwrapping it he showed Kíli an arrow. An Elvish arrow. Kíli raised his eyebrows at Bofur questioningly.

"I found this stuck in the throat of the orc you were buried beneath. Looks like a member of the Elven kind came to your aid just at the right time – again." Bofur looked at Kíli, the meaning behind his words clear to the younger dwarf.

He let his gaze drift towards the ceiling, thinking about the implications of what Bofur had just told him. He tried not to read too much into it, but of course he could not help but wonder. Had it been her? Had she saved him once again? But if she had, if she had really been out there on the battle field, too, where was she now?

He glanced at Bofur. "The Elves of Mirkwood…" he began, but then broke off.

Bofur answered his unspoken question. "The blonde lad – Legolas? – he set off with most of their army three days ago after he had a very long discussion with Thorin. A couple of them stuck around, helping to tend to the wounded." He paused. "I did not see her amongst either group," he added, knowing what it was that his young friend was asking himself in his mind.

Kíli nodded, silently thanking his companion for his understanding.

At that moment the door opened and Fíli poked his head in. Kíli suppressed a wince when he saw the extent of Fíli's injury. His handsome face, marked forever by battle. Fíli smiled, carefully and obviously in pain, when he saw that Kíli was awake.

"Brother," he said, his voice strained with emotion, as he quickly crossed the room and came to stand next to Kíli's bed. He leaned down and, for a brief moment, pressed his forehead against that of his younger brother, telling him with actions what he could not say with words.

Kíli clasped his hand around Fíli's upper arm. "Glad to see you're ok, too."

Kíli dangled his bare feet from his bed, looking out if the window of his room, lost in thought. It was the first day since he had awoken that he was sitting up. He felt much better, well-rested after the long time of healing in peace and being looked after by his friends and brethren.

But, while his body had had a chance to rest and to finally recover from the turmoil of the last few weeks, his mind had refused to settle down, always worrying, wondering, remembering.

His uncle had not been to see him since he had woken up and this worried the young dwarf, forcing him to revisit in his mind the last moments spent with Thorin before the battle, recalling the tension that had been building between himself and his uncle. During the battle none of this had been an issue anymore, but Thorin's absence led Kíli to wonder whether maybe their recent differences had not been cast aside as easily as he had thought.

Had he not proven his loyalty when he had thrown himself in front of his brother and uncle, expecting a certain death? Were there not more pressing matters that needed attention aside from the state of his mind, his heart? Maybe there was a dimension to this which he could not understand, but as it was it certainly felt as if he was being punished for the way he felt, forbidden to be the person that he had become and that he wanted to be. And this hurt. It hurt that someone as close to him as Thorin would not accept him anymore, that apparently his uncle's love for him came with certain expectations that he, lately, had failed to meet.

Kíli sighed. It would be best to simply get used to the thought that things were not as they used to be anymore. To move on. During those days when he had been confined to his bed, a plan had begun to form in his mind, a plan to travel for a while, make himself useful wherever he was needed.

It was ironic, really. They had taken so much upon themselves to reclaim their rightful home, to be able to truly settle down once again. And now that he finally was at Erebor, at home, he was restless, eager to get back on the road. This made him wonder whether, all this time, he had not been running towards something as he had thought, but away from everything else instead, away from his life. And apparently he was not done running yet.

He was torn from his thoughts when he heard his door open. He looked over his shoulder to see Balin enter his room and carefully close the door behind him.

He smiled at the white-haired dwarf in greeting, wondering whether this was merely a social call or something more.

Balin returned his smile. "How are you feeling, laddie?"

"Better than I have in quite a while," Kíli replied, honestly.

"Good, good," Balin muttered, distractedly, as he drew a chair towards Kíli's bed. After a pause that made Kíli slightly uneasy, he cleared his throat. "Thorin sent me to speak with you."

"Oh," Kíli replied, finding it difficult not to show his hurt at the fact that apparently his uncle did not deem it necessary to come by in person. "What is it?"

"Thorin is setting up a council, a board of dwarves that is to assist and support him in his decisions."

Kíli nodded slowly, not quite understanding how this was of any concern to him. "And?"

"He wants you to be the head of this council," Balin said, not quite meeting Kíli's eye. It was obvious from his stance that he did not support Thorin's decision, that he thought if anyone were to occupy this position it should be _him._

Kíli was dumbfounded. Thorin had been avoiding him for days and now _this_? "This-" he stammered, "I'm sure this is some kind of a misunderstanding, Balin. I'm not at all qualified for such a position, I don't have any at all experience with politics and the like. I wouldn't know what to do, and Thorin must know this." Most importantly – he did not say that of course – did he not _want_ this position. It sounded utterly terribly.

Balin inclined his head, signaling that he agreed with the young dwarf. "I'm afraid Thorin was quite clear in his instructions."

Kíli jumped up from the bed. "No, this is not possible. Let us go and speak to him now, clear this up. I have talked to him about returning to Laketown before, or anywhere else where we have allies, I don't mind. I'm sure he just-"

"No," Balin interrupted him, shaking his head. "You are to remain at Erebor as right hand to your uncle – to your _king_."

Kíli sank back down onto his bed when he realized what all of this was about, his knees suddenly weak. Thorin wanted to have him where he could see him at all times, wanted to make sure that he did not stray from the path intended for him. Wanted to control him.

"I want to talk to Thorin," he said, carefully keeping his anger out of his voice. "Where is he?"

Balin got up from his chair, once again shaking his head. He, too, seemed angry all of a sudden. "Thorin does not have time for you now. It is a great honor to be offered such a position at your age. You would do good to rejoice in that instead of complain about it."

Kíli could only stare in outrage after Balin as he left his room. He felt like breaking something.

Clenching and unclenching his fists repeatedly, he sat on his bed, staring holes into the floor. What now? He could not be the head of Thorin's council. Maybe he could have been, under different circumstances. But if this was only a way to keep him under observation – no, this would not work.

But there was no one who would understand him, help him find a way out of this situation. No, that was not right. There was one person who would always understand him, wasn't there?

He got up from his bed and hurriedly left his room in search of his brother. Surely Fíli would see that this was a terrible idea and would help him convince Thorin to change his mind.

When Kíli reached Fíli's room, he was relieved to find his brother there, glad that he did not have to search for him. He frowned, however, when he entered the room and saw Fíli laying his possessions out in his bed, weapons, clothes, supplies, tying them up into bundles.

"What are you doing?" Kíli asked, puzzled.

"Packing," Fíli replied, only glancing up briefly from his work.

Kíli felt his stomach drop. He swallowed against a sudden lump forming in his throat. "Packing? What for?"

"I will be head of the party returning to Laketown," Fíli answered. "Help the people there. It's part of the deal Thorin struck with Bard."

Kíli came to stand next to his brother's bed, holding onto one of the bedposts for support. "You're leaving?"

Fíli paused. "Laketown is not far away, Kíli. It is not as if I am travelling to the other end of Middle Earth."

Kíli remained silent for a moment and watched his brother continue to pack. "Thorin wants me as head of his council."

Fíli glanced at his brother, his expression unreadable. "Aye, I know. Congratulations."

Kíli wondered if he, like Balin, felt offended that it was Kíli who was elected for this task by Thorin and not himself. "I do not want this," Kíli said, his voice pleading for his brother's understanding. "I want to come with you, not stay here."

"I guess that is out of the question," Fíli replied. "Thorin has made his decision and we promised to follow him."

"Please," Kíli said, his voice desperate. "Let us try to talk to him. He cannot be serious about this. I _can't _do this."

Fíli closed his eyes in exasperation, looking tired. The long gash running down the side of his face had begun to heal, but it still was an angry red, depriving his face of some of its youth and much of its beauty. When he spoke his voice was tense with suppressed anger. "I warned you, Kíli, didn't I? I told you to let go of her, to focus on your life as a dwarf of Erebor instead of lusting after some elf. But you would not listen. You could have resolved your issues with Thorin, but instead you chose to lose yourself in your fantasies, provoking exactly this kind of reaction from him." He looked at his younger brother, his voice softening. "I'm sorry, Kíl. I'm afraid I cannot help you here."

Kíli frowned, hurt by his brother's harsh words. Was he right? Had Kíli brought all of this upon himself? Condemned himself to this miserable life? And now he was losing his only ally, his brother, his friend. He felt like crying.

Fíli went back to packing. Kíli made to leave the room, needing some time alone to sort out his thoughts. His older brother's voice stopped him as he was just about to shut the door behind him.

"There will be feast tonight to see us off. See you there?"

"Sure," Kíli replied, even though food, drink and celebration were the things farthest from his mind right now.

* * *

Kíli silently walked along a path, leaving the noise of the party behind him. It was a full moon and his brethren had decided to take the celebrations outside, even though the nights were already becoming quite cold. Kíli did not mind – at least this gave him an opportunity to sneak away into the night unnoticed.

He just was not in the mood for any of this right now, and so he had decided to find a quiet spot and work a little on mending his bow, the string of which needed to be replaced. It was a meditative task that always helped him calm down and the light of the moon was bright enough for him to see even in the remote spot at the edge of a group of trees that he had chosen after wandering about for a short while.

He was done fixing his bowstring much too quickly and, since he did not feel inclined to return to the festivities yet, he just sat there in the grass for a while, looking at the moon hanging full and round in the sky, wondering, as he so often did, if Tauriel was looking at the same moon right now, wondering if she, too, was thinking of him.

Every night he searched for her in his dreams, trying to condition his mind to go to that place where he could be with her, once he closed his eyes. Sometimes it worked, and he found her in one of those unearthly beautiful places that his mind conjured up when he slept. Or was it her mind, maybe, that constructed these places? Because by now he was convinced that somehow, between the two of them, they had come up with a way of interlinking their dreams, that their minds had acquired the ability to touch upon one another in that vast, incomprehensible dimension constituted by thoughts and dreams.

He did not know how this worked and doubted that he would ever find out, because, while he always felt very conscious during those dream-like encounters with Tauriel, he could never bring himself to remember that he was supposed to discuss all of this with her, to figure out if the experience was the same for her. It was as if his mind had created a mechanism to protect this illusion, to prevent him from penetrating this mystery. But as long as he could see her sometimes, feel the touch of her skin upon his and watch her eyes light up when she saw him, he did not care.

Kíli tensed when he suddenly became aware of a presence behind him. Someone was watching him. Slowly he tightened his grip on his bow and felt around on the ground beside him until his fingers brushed against his quiver.

In one swift movement he withdrew one of his arrows and jumped up, spinning around to aim his bow at whoever was lingering in the trees behind him. He almost let his arrow fly when his eyes lighted upon a tall figure standing a couple of feet away from him, but then lowered his bow when he saw who it was.

"If I were you I would not sneak up behind people in the dark. Might get yourself stuck with an arrow or two," he called out.

Legolas smirked, stepping out from the shadows of the trees into the white light of the moon. "You would have missed," he replied.

Kíli rolled his eyes at the elf's arrogance. "Please don't tell me that you came all the way to discuss my skill with bow and arrow. You could have sent a letter."

The ghost of a smile played around the corners of Legolas' mouth before his expression turned serious. "No, that is indeed not why I am here." He paused, obviously not happy about what he was going to say next. "I need your help."

Kíli's eyebrows shot up. "My help? With what?" He truly had not seen that coming.

Legolas hesitated, as if he was about to reconsider involving Kíli in whatever it was that was troubling him. Finally he spoke. "It's Tauriel."

Kíli tensed. "Is she alright? She is not hurt or sick or anything like that, is she?"

Legolas frowned. "I do not really know."

"Why? What is going on?" Kíli asked, impatient at the slowness with which Legolas was imparting information.

Legolas sighed. "She- she will not wake up anymore. We have tried everything, but it seems as if she has resolved to remain asleep forever. I do not know what to do."

Kíli was confused. "What do you mean, she won't wake up? Why would she choose to remain asleep? How is such a thing even possible?" When Legolas evaded his gaze, he pressed on. "What is it that you are not telling me?"

"There was a misunderstanding," Legolas replied cautiously. "She… she thinks you are dead. It… I guess something inside her broke. She took a potion that would put her to sleep and now we cannot wake her up anymore. I don't know why and there is nothing we haven't tried. So I came here to fetch you. I was hoping that maybe we can find a way how you can bring her back."

Kíli blinked, his mind taking a few moments to register what Legolas was saying. "I don't understand. Why would she think- oh." He looked at Legolas, narrowing his eyes. "You told her I was dead? Why would you do such a thing?"

Legolas looked away, guiltily. "That does not matter now. I made a mistake – I know that. I am here because I am trying to make up for it." He hesitated. "Please return to Mirkwood with me. I really cannot think of anything else to try anymore."

Under different circumstances Kíli would have found pleasure in the blonde elf's discomfort, but right now all he could think about was Tauriel. Many things that she had said during their nightly encounters made sense now, the desperation with which she clung to him, the sadness in her eyes. She thought he was dead and for her he was merely a ghost that she was seeing in her dreams. Ah Tauriel, he thought, if only you knew that I am actually there with you every time. His heart went out to her and all he wanted to do was go and make her feel better.

He looked into the direction of the party that was still in full swing. If he left now he would be in deep trouble. But he found that he did not really care. His life at Erebor seemed to be taking quite a miserable turn anyways, what with him and his uncle becoming estranged and even his brother turning away from him. He couldn't exactly make it worse, could he?

So he nodded to Legolas. "Let's go."

Legolas returned his nod, relieved. He turned around and Kíli followed him through the line of trees behind which Legolas' horse was waiting. Suddenly Legolas stopped and turned around to face Kíli. "I do not suppose you can get your hands on a horse of your own without getting into trouble?" The look on his face told Kíli that he had not thought of how they would get back to Mirkwood when he rode to Erebor.

Kíli shook his head no. Trying to procure a horse would mean risking detection and this would result in a serious delay – if not worse. Dwarf and Elf looked at each other for an uncomfortable moment. Then Kíli shrugged and Legolas sighed simultaneously, and they both approached Legolas' horse. Legolas sat up and reached out to help Kíli swing himself up behind him.

As they rode off into the night and the sounds of the party died away behind them, Kíli thought that this was certainly going to be an interesting journey.


	15. Chapter 14

_Author's note: Here you go, another chapter. I cannot believe how long this story is turning out to be! Hope you like this chapter - originally I had planned a much more humorous touch for it, but then it just did not feel right. Hope you like it anyway! As always: thank you for your feedback - it means the world to me. Chapter 15 is almost ready, too, and should be up within the next few days._

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of this._

* * *

**Chapter XIV**

She hated the dark. She always had, but never more than now. In this strange, strange place she was in, darkness seemed to be more than just the absence of light. It was bottomless, infinite, its blackness wrapping itself around her body like a thick, silky veil, erasing all texture, all colors.

Darkness meant that she was alone, locked away inside her own mind. Oh, how she longed to be with _him_. It was as if it was only through his touch that she could come alive, only through his eyes upon her that she could exist. But she would have to be patient – she knew that he would find her again eventually. He always did.

From time to time a window would open itself up to her, like a small tear in the close-meshed fabric that enveloped her. Stepping through, she would find trees, rocks, grass, sky, earth – _life_. And sometimes him. Not always though, sometimes she would wait in vain.

During those long periods of waiting, she would wonder if for his spirit it felt the same, if he, too, was locked away in a dark, black place most of the time, with an occasional chance to escape into another, more beautiful world. If it did, did that mean that maybe she was dead now, too? That she had somehow managed to abandon her body completely, freeing her spirit from all physical ties?

No. When she closed her eyes and concentrated, she could still feel the world of the living reach out to her, could hear her friends call for her, feel their attempts at luring her back. But she would not come, not now, not ever. She was content to remain where she was. If only it were not quite so dark.

* * *

Kíli sat behind his Elven companion, keeping his body at an awkward angle that made his back hurt. But what was he supposed to do? Snuggle up to Legolas? Nah, they were still a long way from that. Legolas had impressed him when he had overcome his pride – which was so enormous and so tangible that Kíli sometimes felt like there was another person in the room – and asked for his help. But that did not make up for the fact that Legolas had also been the one to get them into this situation in the first place by telling Tauriel that Kíli was dead.

He stared at Legolas' rigid back with narrowed eyes, wondering why Legolas done that. Was it because he was in love with Tauriel, too? Not for the first time Kíli speculated what kind of history Tauriel had with the blonde elf. The thought that they had spent centuries together gnawed at the young dwarf's heart. How could he ever compete with that? He regretted every minute of his life that he had wasted not knowing her.

Legolas led the horse down a slope and Kíli winced when the sudden change in direction caused a dull pain to radiate through his upper body that was still sore from his injuries. Legolas looked at him over his shoulder, raising one eyebrow.

"It's nothing," Kíli muttered, straightening up to reduce the pressure on his ribcage.

Legolas did not reply, but, when they reached the bottom of the steep slope, he stopped his horse and got off. "Let us take a break," he said.

Kíli looked at him in surprise. Well, he would not complain getting of this bloody horse for a few moments and look at something more pleasant than Legolas' back for a change. Carefully he lowered himself to the ground.

Legolas had gone to scout the area, so Kíli took it upon himself to lead the horse a couple of feet away from the path. He sat down on the trunk of a fallen tree and looked at the horizon that was just turning a pale grey with the approach of daylight, wondering whether his absence had already been discovered by now.

The rustling of leaves announced Legolas' return. Kíli was well aware that he would also have been able to return without a sound and was deliberately letting Kíli know that he was coming. Legolas stopped a couple of feet from Kíli and just stared at him for a couple of seconds as if there was something he wanted to say. Kíli raised his eyebrows questioningly, but Legolas just shook his head and sat down on the tree trunk as well, keeping a careful distance to his traveling companion.

When Kíli could not bear the strained silence that had lasted for most of their journey any longer he spoke up. "What are we going to do once we reach your father's halls? I suspect I can't very well walk in the front door and expect to be invited to dinner, can I?"

Legolas smiled slightly, but did not look at Kíli. "I suppose one could put it like that," he replied. "But don't worry. The halls of Mirkwood may be a fortress, but every fortress has some weaknesses, some secret passages."

Kíli nodded. "And once inside, what do I do?"

Legolas turned his head to look at him. "I was hoping you could tell me that."

Kíli frowned. All night he had asked himself that question, wondered what he could do to help. Too little did he understand that mysterious connection between him and Tauriel to form a plan how to get her back, how to wake her up. He had considered asking Legolas whether such a thing had been known to happen amongst his kind, but it felt all wrong to be telling someone else about those dreams. Especially if that someone was Legolas.

"So… how exactly did this 'misunderstanding' between you and Tauriel come about?" he asked instead. "And why would this make her take some kind of sleeping potion?"

Legolas looked away. "It was- she was asking me about the battle, wanted to know what had happened-"

"So she was not there herself?" Kíli interrupted him. Then it had not been her who had saved him.

"No," Legolas shook his head. "She wanted to go, but…" He broke off and lapsed into a thoughtful silence. He remained silent for such a long time that Kíli thought he might not continue at all. When he finally spoke it was with a very low voice, so low that Kíli had to strain his ears to understand what he was saying. "I do not suppose you are familiar with Elven customs of love and romance?"

"Umm, no," Kíli stammered, slightly embarrassed by the turn this conversation seemed to be taking. "Can't say that any kind of Elven traditions or ways were part of my education."

Legolas raised his eyebrows at the term 'education,' causing Kíli to glare at him. "What?" Arrogant prick.

But Legolas just laughed and shook his head before continuing. "To an Elf love does not come easily. We do not normally 'fall in love,' as you would probably call it. For us, to love means to love forever. Love is not a choice that we can afford to make foolishly."

Now it was Kíli's turn to shake his head. He should have known what direction this was going to go into. Getting up he replied, angrily: "Look, don't even bother telling me that I am an idiot for thinking she would ever-"

"No," Legloas interrupted him, "that was not what I was going to say. It is what I should say, probably, but… well. Hear me out please, I need you to understand this."

Kíli crossed his arms in front of his chest and nodded for Legolas to continue, refusing to sit down again.

Legolas fixed his eyes on the horizon as he went on, obviously as uncomfortable with this conversation as Kíli. "Because Elves love only once, prematurely losing a chosen mate is bound to have a profound impact on one's life. We do not 'move on.' There are many who – how can I explain this – _fade _away after the death of their mate. They still live on, of course, but they are not really there anymore."

Kíli sat down on the tree trunk once more, weighed down by the implications of what Legolas had just told him.

"Do you understand now what happened to Tauriel?" the Elf asked him.

"Yes," Kíli replied slowly, his throat suddenly very dry. A part of him rejoiced in the fact that, essentially, he had just been told that Tauriel loved him – loved him more than he had ever expected to be loved by anyone. But with that love also came responsibility. He swallowed. He was not immortal. He would grow old, frail, and eventually he would leave her behind to drown in misery. If they ever found a way to be together in this life in the first place.

But there was something else that was bothering him. He looked at Legolas who had gone back to staring at the horizon, his expression unreadable. "Do _you_ love her?" he asked the Elf. "Is that why you told her I was dead?"

Legolas smiled, wistfully. "I care about Tauriel more than I care about anyone else. I care about her so much that, more than anything, I want her to be happy. When I allowed her to think that you had died, this was during a moment of weakness, of jealousy. I am not perfect."

Kíli felt the corners of his mouth twitch with suppressed laughter at the solemn gravity with which Legolas said that last sentence. In fact, he felt like laughing at the absurdity of this whole situation. Here he was, sitting in the woods, at dawn, discussing love with an Elven prince. Ridiculous, really.

"You mock me," Legolas said, smiling himself.

"Nah," Kíli answered. "Why would I?"

They were both silent for a few minutes, digesting everything that had just been said.

Legolas' voice was serious once more when he spoke again. "Do you?" he asked.

"Do I what?"

"Love her."

"Oh," Kíli said, surprised, and then, after a pause, "Aye. I love her with everything that I have."

Legolas nodded grimly. "Then I hope that will be enough."

"Me too," Kíli replied distractedly, "me, too."

* * *

"So, what now?" Kíli muttered under his breath, looking with concern at the numerous guards positioned along the borders of Mirkwood.

"Now we wait," Legolas whispered in reply. "There will be a change of shifts soon, then we'll make our move. The guards on duty then will let us pass through without asking too many questions and once we're inside we'll use some secret passages."

They were both crouched on the ground, hidden beneath the dense undergrowth. Kíli did not know whether it was the heavy, scented air of the woods or the lack of sleep and food – _proper_ food, not that Elven bread stuff that tasted bland in his mouth and refused to be swallowed down without the aid of lots and lots of water – but he was beginning to feel twitchy, paranoid almost. He felt like turning back, running away from this bewitched place. But he could not do so, needed to move forward, to get closer to her.

"You make this sound awfully easy," he said to Legolas. When he did not reply, he turned his head and realized that Legolas already had silently returned the way they had come from. Grumbling he followed the elf back to where they had left the horse beside a small stream, trying not to make too much sound as he did so.

Legolas glanced at him as he drew close. Reaching for the saddlebag he threw him a small canteen filled with water. "Drink," he said. "You look exhausted."

"I'm fine," Kíli muttered, but took a swig from the canteen nonetheless. The water helped to clear his head a little and he sat down on a root of one of the huge trees. Here where the woods were not infested with the monstrous spiders, he had to admit it was actually quite nice. You could get a sense of what this place had been like before it had been touched by darkness – a place of light, of life.

Legolas came over and leaned against the same tree, handing Kíli a piece of the Lembas bread he was eating. Kíli nibbled on the bread for a while, telling himself that he needed to keep up his strength. Who knew what would happen next?

Suddenly he chuckled, which made Legolas look at him questioningly. "Thorin would throw a fit if he could see me now," Kíli said.

Legolas smiled. "So would my father," he said in return. Then after a pause he asked: "You sound bitter when you speak of your uncle. Why is that? I thought you were close."

Kíli hesitated, wondering how much he should divulge in front of Legolas, but then decided that it did not really matter anymore what he told him and what not. He had already revealed so much to him, this could not really get more embarrassing. "We were," he thus answered. "But lately we have drifted apart. Thorin… can be difficult sometimes" – this earned a snort from Legolas – "and it seems that he has lost his trust in me. Does not think me loyal to our cause anymore." He glanced at his companion. "I suppose I don't have to tell you why that is."

Legolas seemed to mull this over in his head for a while. "Thorin Oakenshield definitely does not make for an easy companion. I think he was shaped by the circumstances of his life into what he is now – proud, bitter. And stubborn, but then again that particular trait seems to run strong in your whole kind." Kíli threw the last bit of his chunk of Lembas bread at him. Legolas laughed and went on. "What I do not quite see however, is why he would doubt your loyalty after you threw yourself into what seemed a certain death to protect him and your brother. Not exactly the cleverest thing I have ever seen someone do, but surely an act of profound loyalty."

Kíli inclined his head. "I have asked myself the same question countless times. I guess he-" He broke off suddenly, when he realized the implications of what Legolas had just said. "Hold on, you where there on the battle field when that happened? You saw?"

He gaped at Legolas, the pieces of the puzzle slowly putting themselves together in his head. Legolas looked caught for moment, obviously he had not thought about what he was saying. Quickly he straightened his face and pushed off the tree, heading for his horse. "It is time now," he announced. "We should move on if we ever want to get into the palace."

Dumbfounded, Kíli got up and followed his Elven companion, wondering what other surprises lay in store for him along the road. Bloody Elves. Messing with your head all the time.

* * *

Kíli did not like this at all. He was back on the horse behind Legolas, his hands tied in front of him, a piece of cloth draped over his head to disguise him. Legolas had explained that he was going to pretend he had taken a prisoner, but still, Kíli did not like this at all. All his instincts told him to break free somehow and run, but he forced himself to sit still and trust Legolas not to be leading him into some kind of trap.

He marveled at the elf sitting in front of him, wondering at his true intentions. Every time he thought he had figured the guy out, he would do something completely unexpected. Like coming to fetch him to take him to Tauriel despite the fact that he clearly did not approve of the bond between the two of them. Or saving his life when he was really supposed to hate him. Because that was the conclusion Kíli had drawn from their last conversation. It had been Legolas' arrow that had pierced that orc's throat during the battle, sparing Kíli from a brutal death.

_Building friendship where before there was only animosity_. His mother's words that he had so recently quoted to Tauriel ran through his mind once again. Before he had embarked on that journey to Erebor he would never have dreamt of the unlikely alliances that he had made since. But that did not mean that he was now easily persuaded to regard Legolas as a friend. Until he actually reached Tauriel and this whole situation was resolved, he would still eye the blonde elf with wariness.

He felt the horse stop and held his breath. He heard Legolas speak to someone in Elvish. A male voice responded and whatever they said did not seem to please Legolas, because when he returned something to that, his voice was sharp, angry.

Kíli clenched his fists when he suddenly felt hands tugging at him. Shit. What was he supposed to do if he was discovered now? With his hands tied he was completely defenseless and there was not a chance that he would be able to escape. This would most likely result in another trip to Thranduil's dungeons. Only this time there would be no red-haired beauty coming to visit him that would help him while away the long hours.

He heard Legolas bellow some kind of command and then they were moving forward again. He sighed in relief and hoped that this part of their journey would soon be over. While he was unable to see anything, he soon felt the air around them change and guessed that they were not outside anymore.

The horse stopped again and Kíli yelped in surprise when he was yanked off the horse quite roughly. He wanted to protest, but then a firm hand was clamped over his mouth on the outside of his improvised hood.

"Quiet," he heard Legolas mutter. Then he was dragged along hurriedly down what appeared to be a flight of stairs. He tried his best not to stumble, but, judging by Legolas' vice-like grip, he would not have fallen far anyway.

The first thing that Kíli became aware of when they reached the bottom of the stairs, was how cool the air was down here. He could feel Legolas untying his hands and, once they were free again, Kíli quickly pulled the heavy cloth off his head. He looked around and was relieved to find himself alone with Legolas in some sort of underground tunnel. A doubtful part of him had half expected to be greeted by a number of Elven guards, aiming their arrows at his head.

He looked up at Legolas who was frowning. "There was a guard on duty who was not supposed to be there at this shift," the elf explained. "It was a close call."

"I'm glad we made it through," Kíli muttered. "Didn't fancy returning to those dungeons of yours quite so soon."

Legolas nodded, the frown not having left his face. "I had planned to go with you directly, but now I need to return to the upper levels in order to prevent word of my return spreading too quickly. I will try to buy us some time to do what we need to do."

"And what do I do?" Kíli was not sure whether he liked the idea of wandering about alone in this strange place.

"Take the tunnel until you reach the very end. There is another flight of stairs, longer than this one. At the top, turn left. Tauriel's room is the first one you will come across. I will be there as soon as I can."

"What do I do if I run into someone on the way?"

"Hide," Legolas replied simply. Kíli nodded, but eyed the long tunnel skeptically. Every few feet it was lit by a dim lamp and did not look like it offered many hiding places.

"I will see you there," Legolas said and disappeared up the stairs swiftly.

Kíli began making his way down the long tunnel slowly, staying close to the wall. When he realized that no one seemed to be about, he increased his pace, eager to get to Tauriel quickly now that he was so close.

The stairs were at the end of the tunnel, just as Legolas had said. Climbing up, Kíli held his breath. He could hear low voices speaking somewhere above him, but as long as there was no one in sight, he would not stop. Not when he had almost reached his destination. Slipping out into a corridor that opened up at the top of the stairs, he quietly made his way into the direction Legolas had told him to go. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest, suddenly incredibly nervous.

When he reached the door that had to lead to Tauriel's room, he rested his palm against its wooden surface for a few seconds, trying to stop his hands from shaking. Slowly he pushed the door open, worried by what might await him in there.

His eyes fell upon a room that was flooded by sunlight falling through a big window on the far side. He smiled and stepped inside, quietly closing the door behind him. This room suited Tauriel's personality like no other. His smile died away however and was replaced by an expression of sadness and longing when his eyes fell upon the form of the sleeping Tauriel.

He knew that she was only asleep, but panic clutched at his heart nevertheless when he saw her lying there, pale and lifeless, her red hair building a shocking contrast to the whiteness of her skin and the sheets on her bed.

Kíli wanted to rush to her side, hold her hand, find some kind of proof that she was alive, but stopped dead in his tracks when he became aware of a movement to his right. He turned in surprise and saw a young she-elf standing with her back pressed against the wall of the room, her eyes wide with fear.

She looked like she was about to call out, so Kíli rushed towards her quickly. "No, no, no, don't scream or anything, please. I'm a friend."

The elf recoiled, but kept silent.

Kíli put his hands out in front of him to show her that he was not going to harm her. "Legolas brought me here. To help Tauriel." He glanced back at her lifeless form with sad eyes.

"Oh," the young woman replied. She looked from Kíli to Tauriel and then back at him again. Her eyes went wide with realization. "_Oh_."

Kíli did not know what Legolas had told her about him, but she seemed to relax a little, even though she still looked rather shocked. Satisfied that she was not going to give him away by calling for help, Kíli dropped his hands and turned around, hurrying to Tauriel's side. Kneeling down beside her bed, he took one of her hands in his. He was shocked at how cool it felt. Using his free hand to brush a strand of hair from her forehead he spoke, softly, his voice suddenly husky. "Tauriel? I- it's me, Kíli. I'm right here."

Nothing. Now that he was so close to her he could see her chest rise and fall with slow, regular breaths. But aside from that neither his touch nor his voice brought about any kind of reaction from her. Too deep was her sleep for him to reach her.

There was only one way he could think of that he might actually get to her, but for that he would need to exert an extraordinary amount of control over his mind. Control which he had never been able to muster previously.

He flinched when the door opened, but was relieved to see that it was only Legolas. His relief was mirrored on the Elf's face when he saw that he had made it to Tauriel's room without discovery.

Legolas carried some sort of bundle with him which he quickly put aside. He smiled at the young she-elf who was still keeping a careful distance and then came to kneel down on the opposite side of Tauriel's bed. "Anything?" he asked Kíli, not taking his eyes off the face of his sleeping friend.

Kíli shook his head, feeling useless. "I- I think there might be a way for me to reach her." Legolas looked at him, urging him to continue with his eyes. Kíli fumbled for words. "I need- I think I need to go where she is."

"What do you mean? She is right here." Legolas seemed puzzled.

"Sleep," Kíli said. "I need to be asleep in order to do this."

If anything, Legolas seemed even more confused by that statement. "What makes you think that you would be able to reach her that way?"

Kíli averted his gaze, still unwilling to go too deep into that territory, to reveal too much about this connection that he and Tauriel had.

Suddenly the young she-elf spoke up. "Have you connected with her during sleep before?"

Kíli merely looked at her, biting his lip. She turned to look at Legolas who looked utterly perplexed. "Let him try. If he speaks the truth then he can reach her in ways none of us can."

Legolas hesitated, but then nodded. "What do you need us to do?"

Kíli shrugged. "Um… I don't know. Maybe I should take some of that potion she drank?"

The she-elf jumped in again. "No," she said firmly. "I strongly advise against that. We have no way of knowing what kind of effect it might have on your body. Wait here. I think I might have something that suits the purpose."

Legolas frowned. "Can't you simply, you know… go to sleep?"

"No offence," Kíli replied, "but I kind of find it difficult to relax given the - uh - _circumstances_."

Legolas seemed to consider this for a moment and then nodded to the other elf, who quickly left the room.

Dwarf and elf stared at each other over Tauriel's sleeping form for a long moment. "Who is she?" Kíli asked, glancing at the door through which the young she-elf had just left.

"Her name is Nimwen. She is one of our healers. We can trust her."

Kíli nodded and they both fell silent for a few moments. "Why did you not mention this to me before?" Legolas asked suddenly. Kíli did not have to ask him what he was referring to.

He looked down at Tauriel, remembering what her skin had felt like beneath in hands in his dreams, how they had taken all the time in the world to explore each other's body, always finding new ways to express their passion for one another. "It is really none of your business," Kíli said to Legolas, hoping that his face would not betray the thoughts that went through his mind.

Legolas did not look entirely happy with that, but let the subject rest for now. After a few minutes of silence, the door opened and Nimwen slipped back inside. She strode directly towards a small table which held a cup and a jug filled with water. She poured some of it into the cup and added a few drops from a small flask that she had brought with her.

Walking over towards Kíli she handed him the cup. "Drink this. It should allow you to fall asleep swiftly without clouding your mind too much."

Kíli lifted the cup and smelled the now bright green liquid. He recoiled when a stinging odor entered his nose. "Are you sure that this is meant to be swallowed? Smells like it will dissolve my insides."

Nimwen chuckled. "It is perfectly safe. Just, umm… try to keep it down."

Kíli raised his eyebrows at her and looked at the cup in his hand with skepticism. Then he looked at Tauriel once more and, with a shrug, downed the whole cup with one gulp.

The sensation was excruciating - it felt as if his body was being turned inside out. Kíli clutched at his stomach, breathing raggedly. He gagged and Nimwen rushed to his side, soothingly running her hand up and down his back. "It will be over in a second," she said. "Just hold out for a little while."

He stared at her in disbelief, but, after another few seconds, the pain actually started to ebb away. Kíli's breathing slowed when he began to feel the effect of the tincture, his limbs growing heavier with every heartbeat. The bed suddenly looked extremely inviting. With some effort he pulled himself onto the soft mattress and lay down beside Tauriel, facing her sleeping form. Before he lost all control over his muscles, he pulled the runestone out of one of his pockets. Reaching for Tauriel's left hand, he intertwined his fingers with hers, the stone resting between their palms. Sleep came to claim him and he embraced it with his whole being.


	16. Chapter 15

_Author's note: My dear readers, thank you for your ongoing support. Here's the next chapter - I hope it lives up to your expectations. Now we're finally getting to the part of the story that I have been waiting to write ever since I started this fic. Only took me 3 months and 50,000 words to get there, lol. Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own most of this._

* * *

**Chapter XV**

The first thing that Kíli became aware of was the thundering sound of rushing water, a sound that drowned out all other noise. He kept his eyes shut for a moment, gathering his thoughts.

Where was he? In another dream. Whatever he was about to see was _not_ real.

Why was he here? To find Tauriel. To bring her back. This was important – he must not allow himself to get distracted.

_Find Tauriel. Wake her up. Find Tauriel. Wake her up._

He repeated those words a couple of times in his head. When he was confident that this time he would not become so immersed in his dream that he could not remember anything outside of it, he opened his eyes.

The sky above him was a dull grey, overhung with clouds. He shifted and realized that the ground beneath him was hard and rocky. Sitting up, the dark-haired dwarf looked around himself and saw that he was on a stony riverbank in some kind of a valley. The sides of this valley were steep and lined with jagged rocks. The river that separated the valley was not wide, but its current seemed to be unusually strong.

The scene held no beauty, no life. What was however most unsettling was the disproportionately loud roar of the river. The sound invaded Kíli's mind, made it hard to focus, hard to think.

Scanning the area, all he saw was grey stone. Suddenly, his eyes lighted upon a speck of color on the other side of the river. Someone was crouched beside a large boulder. Kíli's heart leaped when he recognized that someone as Tauriel. He called out to her, but his voice stood no chance against the thunder of the river.

He approached the water. It was only a couple feet in width and the water did not seem too deep. It was only the speed of its current that made him hesitant to wade across. But then again, did he have a choice? So, pulling off his boots, he set one foot into the water. It was painfully cold. When he thought he had found a secure footing, he took a first, careful step. The water was rushing against his legs, making it difficult to keep his balance. Once false step and he would be lost, carried down the river, away from her.

Inch by inch, he made his way across. The sharp rocks below the water cut into the soles of his feet, but he pushed the pain away, trying to focus only on what he was meant to do. _Find Tauriel. Wake her up. _

When he finally reached the opposite bank, he hobbled over to where his love was still crouched on the ground. As he drew closer he could see that she was covering her ears with her hands in an attempt to block out the sound of the river.

Kíli fell to the ground in front of her, and tried to pull her hands away from her ears. She looked at him, her eyes unfocused.

"Tauriel!" he shouted, but he could barely hear his own voice. He cupped her cheek in one hand and her eyes cleared a little. As recognition dawned in her eyes, she said something to him, but Kíli could only watch her lips move. Not for the first time he wondered whether their minds had created some kind of protective mechanism that kept their illusion intact. Now that he had finally managed to remember what it was that he had meant to tell Tauriel all this time, this horrible, deafening sound made it impossible to talk to her.

So Kíli did the only thing that he could think of and pressed his forehead against hers, commanding his mind to end this nonsense.

* * *

Silence. Silence around her, silence in her head. Tauriel could breathe freely again. For what had seemed a very long time, she had been drowning in noise, a terrible sound that numbed her senses and made it difficult to breathe. When she had thought that she was finally going to lose her mind completely, he had come and saved her, taking her away from this hellish place. Where they were now it was quiet, the only sound that of leaves rustling in the wind.

She felt Kíli's breath against her face, their foreheads still touching. She smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, delighted that he was finally there.

He opened his eyes and returned her smile. But it was not his usual, bright smile. He looked at her differently than he normally did. Fear clutched at her insides. Something was wrong. "What is it?" she asked, her voice sounding panicked to her own ears.

Kíli cupped her face in both of his hands and gazed at her intently. "Listen to me carefully, my love. You have to go back. You are not meant to linger here."

"No," she exclaimed, pulling away from him. "Why- why would you say something like that? I am right where I belong. With _you._" She felt tears gather in her eyes. Why did he want her to be gone? No, she would not allow that. Too much had they both sacrificed to be here – together.

She crawled closer to him once again, pressing herself to his body, claiming his mouth in a hungry kiss. "Please let me stay with you."

He returned her kiss, but then pulled away suddenly. "No, I- I can't. I need you to understand this. I don't know how or why we are here, but you cannot go on like this. You need to wake up. You need to live."

She was crying in earnest now, not even questioning how he knew that for her this was some kind of dream. Maybe the dead did know everything there was to know. "But then I won't be able to see you anymore. I can't go on without you."

"You don't have to. Open your eyes, Tauriel. I'm right there with you. This is only a dream – we're both asleep."

"No," she said again, shaking her head. What kind of trick was this? There was nothing to go back to for her. "You're, you're-"

"I'm what?" he said, taking hold of both of her shoulders. "Say it out loud Tauriel."

"You're dead," she said, her voice small. She was dimly aware of the fact that the air around them was changing. The wind was picking up in strength and it had grown quite dark. A storm was approaching. Which was curious given the fact that there had never been such a thing as bad weather in those places of her dreams before.

"This is where you're wrong," Kíli said, squeezing her shoulders. "I'm _alive._ Waiting for you to wake up."

She shook her head vehemently, not allowing herself to believe his words. Rain started to pour, heavy drops falling from the sky that quickly drenched both of them.

Kíli continued to kneel before her, taking both her hands in his. "I am telling the truth. Please, Tauriel, close your eyes. Can't you feel me right there with you?"

Tears and rain ran down her face in streaks. Tauriel took a shuddering breath and decided that after all it could not hurt to check, could it? So she squeezed her eyes shut, and carefully reached out with her mind. As she slowly drew closer to her own, sleeping body she could feel the familiar presence of her friends that were urging her to come back. But this time there was another presence with them, one that instantly made her feel warm and loved, a presence that was drawing her irresistibly towards itself.

She opened her eyes and stared at Kíli who was still kneeling in front of her. "I can feel you," she sobbed. He was telling the truth. He was both here and _there _– just like she was. "But how – how…"

He smiled broadly, shivering slightly in the cold rain. "See? It is safe to come back now. I will explain everything. I promise."

"I- I'm not sure I know how." She had spent such a long time here that she did not know if she would fit her physical body anymore. What if she woke up all wrong?

"Just follow me, I will guide you" he said, hugging her close. He whispered into her ear. "On the count of three. One …"

She wanted to tell him to wait, that she was not ready yet. What if it did not work and she was left behind, on her own again? Or worse, what if she got stuck somewhere in between?

"… two …"

_No, no, no, I don't know how. Don't leave me. I'm scared._

"… three."

The world collapsed around her.

* * *

Kíli's eyes snapped open. Tauriel's face was only inches from his, her eyes still closed. For a moment he panicked. What if it had not worked? What if she had not made it after all? But then he saw her eyelids flutter, her breath quickening.

He squeezed her hand. "Yes, that's it. Follow my voice, my star. I'm right here." His body was trying to drag him back to sleep, but he refused to give in. He had to be there for her now, had to guide her.

Slowly she opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling, taking a couple of deep breaths. Then she turned her head and looked at Kíli with wide eyes, as if she couldn't quite believe what she was seeing. She started crying in earnest, sobs wrecking her whole body. "I- I don't understand this. How-"

"Shh," Kíli drew her close against himself, pressing a kiss to her temple. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Legolas avert his gaze, obviously uncomfortable at witnessing this intimate moment. "It's alright," he whispered into her ear. "I don't understand most of this either. All that matters is that you are back."

"But," her breath hitched in her throat, "but I thought you were gone. Killed in battle."

Over the top of her head, Kíli looked at Legolas who stared guiltily at the floor. "There was a… a misunderstanding. It does not matter now, does it? I'm right here."

Tauriel pressed herself to him, holding onto him tightly, as if she were afraid that he might disappear again any moment. Slowly her breathing calmed and her sobs subsided. After a while she pulled away slightly and looked at Kíli, smiling. She opened her mouth to say something, but at that moment the door suddenly burst open. Four heads turned towards the door in shock.

Kíli pushed himself into a sitting position and saw an armed member of the guard entering the room, looking from Legolas to Nimwen in confusion. Then his gaze came to rest on Kíli and Tauriel, huddled together on the bed. His eyes narrowed.

"A dwarf? What is the meaning of this?" he asked.

Legolas stepped in front of him, shielding the couple on the bed from his gaze. "It is nothing that concerns you," he replied in a stern voice. "He is under my supervision. Go forth and let me handle this situation."

But the guard shook his head. "No. I need to report this."

Before anyone could stop him, he hurried out of the door. Legolas made to follow him, but stopped dead in his tracks when he heard voices in the hallway. He turned around and locked eyes with Kíli. "You have to get out of here. Quick."

"No," Tauriel protested immediately. "He cannot go, not now. I-"

Legolas came to kneel next to her bed. "That is not what I meant." His voice was urgent. "You _both_ need to go. Nimwen and I have covered up this whole thing for as long as we could, but I am afraid that everything is going to come out now. Trust me, you do not want to be here when my father finds out the whole truth."

Tauriel looked at him sadly. His voice became softer. "Your mind was set on leaving anyway, remember?"

She smiled a strange smile at him and Kíli wondered what had transpired between the two of them before she had decided to temporarily take herself out of this life. "Then you can see now that this is the only way," she said to Legolas.

He nodded. "I guess I do. But you must hurry." He quickly strode over to pick up the bundle that he had previously dropped beside the door and threw it to Kíli. "Here. I thought you might like to have that back."

Kíli unwrapped the bundle and was surprised to find in it all the things that had been taken from him when his company had been taken prisoner by Legolas, Tauriel and the rest of the guard. That seemed so long ago. He ran his fingers along his bow and smiled. He had found quite an adequate replacement, but it was not nearly as good as this one. "Thank you." He meant it.

Legolas merely inclined his head and moved to help Tauriel up from the bed. "Do you think you are up to this?"

"Yes," she replied, but the pallor of her skin as she struggled to remain in a sitting position told Kíli otherwise.

Nimwen, who had jumped into action as soon as the guard had exited the room and had started gathering some of Tauriel's possessions, came over and pushed a small bundle of leaves into Tauriel's hand. "Put those under your tongue. They will return your strength to you temporarily. This amount should give you enough time to put some distances between yourselves and the palace. But be careful. Once the effect wears off, you are likely to feel weak and nauseous once again."

Tauriel raised her hand and put the leaves into her mouth, grimacing at their taste. After a few seconds, Kíli could see some color return to her cheeks. "Feel better?" he asked her.

She smiled at him, brightly but also nervously. "I think so." Slowly she pushed herself off the bed, Kíli following her movement. He reached out to steady her when she swayed slightly. After a couple of seconds she seemed to have regained her balance and looked around her room with renewed strength reflected in her eyes. "How do we do this?"

Legolas strode over, handing her some of the clothes which Nimwen had laid out for her. "Put those on. We will use the tunnels to get you out of here. We just have to hope that they are not being watched yet."

Tauriel nodded and quickly discarded the soft, flowing gown she was wearing. Kíli quickly averted his gaze to give her some privacy. To his annoyance Legolas did not imitate the gesture and simply continued talking. "I suggest you head north. Try to go as far as possible, but stick to the woods for the time being. You need to find a safe place where you can recover and gather your strength. After that…" he trailed off. "After that you are on your own, I suppose."

Kíli nodded, grimly. Tauriel was fully dressed now and was busy strapping her weapons and some luggage to her back. Kíli mirrored her movements and exchanged some of his clothes and weapons for the things Legolas had returned to him. It was oddly comforting to feel the rough fabric of his old blue cloak against his skin, to tie the worn leather straps of his quiver across his chest. Like meeting old friends that you have not seen in a long time.

Once they were set to go, Tauriel nodded to Legolas, who carefully opened the door, checking if there was anyone outside. Apparently the corridor was empty and Legolas gestured for them to follow him. For a split second, Kíli and Tauriel hesitated, turning to look at each other. Kíli suddenly realized that he was incredibly nervous. All of this was happening so unbelievably fast and neither of them had had any time to process what was going on. Where they really about to set out into an unknown future – _together_? Just hours ago he had not been sure whether he would ever actually see her again outside of his dreams.

But it was too late to go back now, wasn't it? And it was not like he would have changed his mind anyway. Nothing could have torn him from her side again now that he had finally found her. Reaching out, he took her hand in his for a brief moment, squeezing it tightly, reassuringly. The smile that she gave him in return held just as much nervousness as he felt, but also happiness.

"Are you ready?" he asked her.

"As ready as I'll ever be," she responded. They let go of one another and followed Legolas out into the hallway.

* * *

Legolas was already waiting for them at the top of the stairs that Kíli had used to reach Tauriel's room. He gestured for them to hurry. "Cover your head," he muttered to Tauriel as she passed him. She nodded and drew the hood of her green cloak over her head, hiding her red curls. Legolas looked at Kíli. "Just – umm – try to stay out of sight in case we run into someone."

Kíli raised one eyebrow at him and quickly followed Tauriel down the stairs. When they reached the tunnel below, it was empty and quiet. It seemed as if word of his presence in the palace had not spread too far, yet. Nevertheless they hurried down the tunnel quickly, Legolas going first with Tauriel and Kíli following behind while Nimwen made up the rear.

Kíli was wondering how Legolas was planning to sneak them past the guards that they had obviously passed on their way in when the blonde elf suddenly turned a corner and led them into a narrow passage that Kíli had not realized was there during his first trip through the tunnel. The passage wound itself up and down and it almost seemed as if they were going further into the caverns instead of out. But then, suddenly, there was a dim light and soon they found themselves on the edge of the woods. The exit of the tunnel was overgrown with bushes that carried large green leaves and thus effectively concealed it from sight.

Legolas had just reached out to hold some twigs aside in order for them to be able to pass through, when they heard shouts echo down the tunnel. He turned towards Tauriel. "Go, quickly. We cannot go with you any further." When she hesitated for a second, he reached out and pulled her against him in a tight hug. Kíli swallowed against the tight feeling in his chest when he watched her cling to him for a few seconds as he spoke some Elvish words to her in a low, tender voice.

"I am sure we will see each other again – eventually," she said in response. Legolas nodded, but did not quite look as if he believed that himself.

Letting go of him, she turned to hug Nimwen, whispering something into the young she-elf`s ear that made her blush fiercely. "Thank you for everything," she said out loud. "Thank you for being my friend in those darkest of days." Nimwen smiled at her and squeezed her hand.

As Tauriel turned to look at Kíli his knees almost went weak from the intensity of her gaze. She looked just as she had when he had first laid eyes on her – spirited, brave, beautiful. She nodded to him and he held the twigs apart for her to go through first. Legolas stopped him when he made to follow her. "Good luck," he said and Kíli felt that he meant it.

"We'll need it," he responded and then, after a pause, "Thank you."

Legolas inclined his head. "Likewise." _Thank you for not telling her the extent of my folly, my betrayal._

With a sincere nod to Legolas and a quick smile at Nimwen, Kíli turned around and followed his love, whom he had thought he could never have in this life, into the forest.


	17. Chapter 16

_Author's note: Here's a quiet little chapter, full of fluff. Hope you enjoy. As always: Thank you for your feedback!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own "The Hobbit"_

* * *

**Chapter XVI**

She was beautiful as she darted though the forest, like a bird that had been caged for too long and was now testing its wings, finally free again. Kíli vowed to himself that whatever awaited them in the future, that whatever turn their story would take, he would never, ever restrain her or her spirit. He would rather see her run away from him in liberty than watch her wither in confinement.

She stopped and turned to grin at him - a decidedly cheeky grin - and allowed him to catch up with her. As he drew closer he could not stop himself from reaching out, running his hand along her arm, entwining his fingers with hers. She was so beautiful. Her cheeky grin turned into a self-conscious smile and she drew her hand away slowly, biting her lip and averting his gaze. Under different circumstances Kíli might have been hurt, but as it was he understood her feelings quite well. How were they supposed to act around one another? They had been with each other in the most intimate ways imaginable, had studied the other's body like a map. He knew every freckle on her pale, creamy skin, had tasted every inch of her with his lips, his tongue. But that had not been entirely _real_, had it? During all this time they had been hundreds of miles apart and yet so close. Now were they supposed to continue where they had left off back in Laketown, as barely more than strangers? Or as the lovers they had become in the meantime?

So Kíli dropped his hand, and decided to let that topic rest for now. "How much further do you think we should go?" he asked her instead. They had kept up a steady pace through most of the day and evening and now it was growing quite dark. There had been no indication that they were being followed, but then again, Elves could make themselves practically invisible if they really wanted to.

"As far as we can," Tauriel responded. "We need to-" she suddenly broke off and doubled over, sagging against the tree she was standing next to.

Kíli rushed to her side immediately. "It seems that this was far enough," he said, his voice full of concern. Nimwen had warned them that the medication she had provided Tauriel with would wear off at some point and Kíli had been preparing for this moment all day long. He handed her his canteen filled with water, from which she drank in slow, small sips, leaning her head against the tree stem behind her, her eyes closed.

Kíli gazed up at the tree, assessing how difficult it would be for them to climb it. "I think we would be safest if we did not stay on the ground for now, wouldn't we?"

Tauriel followed his gaze and smiled slightly. "I'm surprised that you would suggest that. I never thought dwarves would particularly enjoy heights."

Kíli grimaced. "We don't, you're right. I'm just thinking practically. Do you think you can make it?"

Tauriel nodded tiredly, and Kíli helped her up, reveling briefly in the resulting closeness of their bodies, inhaling her rich, earthy scent. Slowly Tauriel pulled herself up the nearest branch, sluggishly making her way up the tree. Kíli followed closely behind, ready to catch her in case that she fell.

A few feet up the tree, they found a spot were two thick branches forked out of the stem. Kíli was a little skeptical at first, but once each of them had settled on one of the branches, leaning with their backs against the trunk, he had to admit that this was actually quite comfortable. And much warmer than sleeping on the ground. The only disadvantage was the distance between the two of them. Kíli longed to be closer to Tauriel, to be able to find a physical confirmation from her that what they were doing was right, that this was what she, too, wanted.

Well, maybe it was better like this for the time being. Maybe this would give them the time to actually get to know each other in _this_ life, to slowly retrace the steps that they had skipped so hastily during their dream-like encounters.

Kíli let his head fall back against the massive tree trunk and looked over at Tauriel. Her eyes were closed, but she did not look like she was in pain. Just exhausted. "So," he said, "what do you think we should do?"

She turned her head into his direction and opened her eyes a little bit. "I don't know. Rest and then keep going I guess."

"But where?" Kíli asked. He had thought about this ever since Legolas had announced that they would have to leave the caverns of Thranduil. "We cannot stay in this forest forever."

Tauriel looked at the sky through the canopy of leaves above her. The moon had come out by know and stars where beginning to twinkle in the dark sky. "Before - before any of this." she began haltingly, "I was going to come to Erebor. For good."

Kíli's eyes widened in surprise, his heart skipping over a couple of beats. She had meant to come to him? To be with him? He tried his best not to grin like a fool and kept his voice neutral. "Legolas never told me."

Tauriel snorted at that. "I guess he wouldn't," she said. "When he found out that I was leaving he… he stopped me. Restrained me by force. I wonder what made him change his mind in the end."

Kíli just stared at her in shock, slowly understanding why Legolas' statements surrounding Tauriel's absence from the battle had been so vague. He debated whether or not to tell Tauriel everything that had passed between him and the Elven prince, but then decided that this could wait. "Well, I think returning to Erebor is out of the question at the moment," he said instead.

Now it was Tauriel's turn to look surprised. "Why? What is wrong?"

Kíli hesitated, pulling at a loose thread on the surface of his coat. "I… I sort of ran away," he replied. Put like that it sounded childish. But in a way it was true, was it not? "And I don't think that Thorin would easily forgive me. He… he does not approve."

He did not have to explain what it was exactly that his uncle did not approve of. Tauriel winced, letting her head fall back against the uneven surface of the tree trunk once more. "How you must despise me," she said, her voice hollow.

Kíli sat up quickly, swaying slightly on his branch. "Despise you? Why on earth would I?"

Tauriel squeezed her eyes shut. In the white light of the moon her skin looked even paler, almost translucent. "Look what I've done," she whispered. "I've ruined _everything _with my foolishness, exiled us both from out homes, our families."

Kíli's heart almost broke when he saw what agony this brought her. He leaned over as far as he dared and brushed his hand against her cheek. "Look at me," he said softly. When she opened her eyes he saw that they were swimming with unshed tears. "I know the feeling of being without a home quite well. I have been raised with it in fact. I thought that the only way to cure this feeling would be to join Thorin's quest and to reclaim Erebor."

"And you did," she whispered, her voice husky with the tears that she was trying to hold back.

"Aye, we did," he replied. After a short pause he went on, gazing into the distance. "All my life I dreamt of this glorious feeling of completeness that returning to the Lonely Mountain would bring me. And it's not like I was _disappointed_ when we finally made it, no, I would not say that. It's just…" He hesitated, clearing his throat nervously. Then he summoned his courage and looked straight at her. "It's just that the feeling when I first set foot into the halls of my ancestors cannot compare in any way to what I feel every time I look at you. So no, I don't hate you for pulling me away from there. Home- home now is wherever you are I suppose."

He dropped his gaze because he could feel his own eyes burn with the intensity of his emotions, his heart hammering nervously in his chest. Never had he said something like this to anyone, laid his heart open for another person to rip it to shreds if they felt like it.

When Tauriel reached for his hand and entwined her fingers with his ever so lightly, he looked back up at her. A few tears were rolling down her face, but she smiled at him shyly. "Thank you," she simply said and despite the fact that this was not what one would normally want to hear in response to such a confession, it was just fine. He understood. She still needed some time to process all of this and he would give her that time. And aside from that, her eyes told him that she felt exactly the same.

Smiling he rested his head back against the tree and just looked at her. So they sat there in a tree somewhere in Mirkwood, their hands still touching, grateful for this moment of peace after the wars they had both had to fight to be with each other.

* * *

Kíli woke up from a slight tugging at his sleeve. He groggily opened his eyes, trying to ascertain where exactly he was. His backside felt decidedly sore and he wondered what had made him fall asleep in a sitting position. He tried to shift and had to suppress a shocked yelp when he felt himself lose balance. A firm hand grabbed his coat and pulled him back, preventing his fall.

He looked around and stared into wide green eyes. Tauriel lifted a finger to her lips and signaled for him to be quiet. Then she pointed down in the direction of the ground, arching her eyebrows.

Right. Now it came back to him. Running away from the caverns of Thranduil, sleeping in trees. He looked down as Tauriel indicated with her hand, wondering what it was that she wanted him to notice. He could not see anything, but, straining his ears, he could hear something, the rustling of leaves, the cracking of twigs and – grunting?

He raised his eyebrows at Tauriel questioningly. This did not sound like Elves. _Orcs_, she mouthed, answering his unspoken question.

He nodded and reached for his bow which he had secured to one of the tree branches the night before. Tauriel already had her bow ready and was perched on her branch, scanning the ground below. As the sounds grew closer, his Elven warrior looked at him, her eyes twinkling with anticipation. She held up three fingers, slowly counting down to one. Then they both jumped.

The fall was deep, but Kíli's impact with the ground was broken by the orc on which he landed. The creature went down and roared in outrage, immediately reaching for whatever had just jumped on its back. But Tauriel's arrows were faster, piercing first the orc's raised arm and then his throat.

Kíli whirled around, scanning the scene in front of him, quickly assessing what they were confronted with. It seemed to be only a small band of orcs, probably some that had fled the battle at Erebor unharmed. Two were already down and Kíli quickly took out two more. Mesmerized he watched Tauriel spin about her own axis, her long hair whipping around her body. With incredible speed and precision she killed orc after orc, mercilessly and without hesitation. Kíli smiled, glad to see her like that once again. No one would have believed that this formidable warrior had looked at him with such heartbreaking insecurity in her eyes only hours ago. He felt privileged and honored to know both of those sides to her.

Another orc leaped towards him, but Kíli took aim and hit it straight in the chest with one of his arrows.

"Kíli!" he heard Tauriel cry out and when he turned around he had just enough time to duck out of the way of a dagger that came flying at him. He felt it graze the skin of his temple as he hit the ground. With an angry cry Tauriel leapt for the orc that had thrown the weapon and ended his life with a knife through the throat.

Kíli looked around. That one had been the last of them. He grinned at Tauriel. "Nice work there."

She smiled back at him, but then her expression grew worried. "Are you alright?" she asked, hurrying to his side. "You're bleeding."

Kíli lifted a hand to his forehead and was surprised to find his fingers stained with blood when he looked at them. "It's no big deal," he muttered, digging around in his pockets for a rag or something to still the bleeding. Tauriel came to kneel next to him and produced a small piece of cloth decidedly cleaner than anything that Kíli was carrying on his body.

"Here, let me," she said, carefully pressing it to his temple.

He winced, but then smiled. "Will I survive?"

She returned his grin. "You just might."

He lifted his hand and covered hers with it. She blushed a little, and lowered her hand from where it still pressed against his wound, allowing him to intertwine his fingers with hers. They just sat there for a few moments, looking at each other.

When Kíli realized that they were still sitting right in the middle of a respectable number of dead orcs he wrinkled his nose and made to stand up, pulling Tauriel with him. He looked up at her once they were both on their feet. "Fancy getting out of here?" he asked.

"Sure," she said and smiled. "There is a small stream several miles to the north east from here. If we leave now we should make it by nightfall. We can refill on water and rest there for the night."

Kíli nodded. This sounded like a good plan for now, but he also knew that eventually they would have to begin making decisions on a larger scale. Figure out where they should go. From the small frown on her face he could tell that Tauriel was thinking about the same thing.

"Do you feel up to the journey?" he asked her. She had not seemed to show any more effects of her prolonged sleep since he had woke up, but he did not want to risk her putting too much strain on herself too soon.

She grinned. "Absolutely. Do you think you can keep up?"

He laughed and began gathering their things. No matter how fast she ran, he would follow her anywhere.

* * *

Kíli looked at the pile of berries and Lembas bread before him, the expression on his face one of utter misery.

Tauriel laughed when she looked up from her food. "I suppose this is not quite what you are used to," she said.

Embarrassed, Kíli quickly tried to straighten his face, but was not entirely successful. "No, it's alright, really. It's just…" he searched for words that would not insult her. "I'm so hungry," he finished lamely.

Tauriel laughed a little more and looked at him with sympathy. "It's okay, I get it. We can do a little bit of hunting in a few days. I just," now it was her turn to look a little self-conscious, "I just don't want to kill anything that lives in this forest. Aside from orcs and spiders, obviously."

"Oh," Kíli said, a little surprised. He had not thought of that, but was glad that she did not entirely rule out anything that was not a plant or a grain from their future diet. Then he grinned, irrationally pleased at the fact they were doing such a mundane thing as planning their future meals together. "So does that mean you have an idea where we will go once we reach the borders of Mirkwood?"

Tauriel's face fell a little and Kíli was sorry to ruin her good mood, but he also knew that there was no sense in continuously postponing this conversation.

"Not really," she replied, poking listlessly at her food. "I thought about Rivendell a little, the Elves there are much more open-minded than Thranduil and his followers. They _might_ accept..." she hesitated and glanced at Kíli, "umm, _us_."

"But…?" Kíli asked, sensing doubt behind her words.

She grimaced. "I don't really want to go there. I think life there would be, umm… boring."

This time it was Kíli who had to laugh. "I can see what you mean," he replied, secretly relieved that Rivendell was not one of her top priorities, because it certainly wasn't one of his.

She smiled at him, but then her face fell once more. "But aside from Rivendell I haven't really been able to come up with very much."

Kíli, who had abandoned his food in the meantime, poked at the small fire they had built with a stick. After a few moments of silence during which Tauriel continued to sadly stare at the ground in front of her, he spoke up. "I could live like this," he said.

Tauriel looked up at him. "Like what?"

"Like _this_," he said, indicating the two of them and the woods around them with his hands. "Just the two of us, journeying, taking out some orcs where we come across them."

She smiled slightly, hesitantly, but then a frown spread on her beautiful face once again. "But what about your family? Your mother, whom you promised that you would return to her? Your _brother_? I wouldn't want you to give all that up for a life on the road with me. You wouldn't be happy."

Kíli scooted a little closer, looking at her intently. "Let me be the judge of what makes me happy. We are in this together Tauriel, and I'm willing to face the consequences." And he was. True, when she had mentioned his mother and Fíli, his heart had clenched for a second. But, sadly, right now it did not look as if he could have both – his love and his family. And he had made his choice when he had set out for Mirkwood on the back of Legolas' horse several nights ago.

Despite his assurances, Tauriel continued to gaze at him with hesitation and insecurity shining in her eyes. He took her hand in his. "Let it go, Tauriel," he spoke softly. "Yes, this is not exactly the path I would have pictured myself taking, but I'm sure this not what you expected from your life either. It is as it is and I wouldn't want to change anything about it. Didn't you once tell me that we should not grieve ourselves over what might have been?"

She smiled a little sheepishly. "Yes, I did. But that was before I started acting like a complete fool."

He tugged at her hand to make her look at him. "I don't think you're a fool. And I'm not angry about what you did. I… I think I might have done the same thing had I been in your place."

They looked at each other for a long moment. Suddenly a small sob escaped Tauriel's lips. "What is it?" Kíli asked her, worried that he might have upset her.

She seemed to struggle to regain her composure. Then she spoke carefully, as if she were afraid that the words would simply tumble out of her mouth all at once if she let them. "I… I didn't know that it could feel like this. That _I_ could have feelings like this. I could- I could _feel_ that something had happened to you. And it hurt. It hurt so much that I-"

Tauriel broke off, and Kìli squeezed her hand. "It's ok. I understand. I really do. But it's alright now. I'm here and I'm not going away."

She half smiled, half sobbed, and he leaned forward to press his forehead against hers, cupping her face in both hands. She covered his hands with hers and they stayed like that for a few moments, silently thanking whatever powers had led them to where they were now. Kíli ached to increase their touch, to press his lips to hers, wrap himself around her to be as close to her as physically possible. But instead he slowly drew away, determined to give her as much space as she needed for as long as she needed it.

He instantly experienced a sense of loss when the warmth of her skin left his, but forced himself to move away until he had brought a little bit of distance between them. She smiled at him a little sadly, but then moved to clear away the remainders of their meal. When she was done she looked at him over the flames of their small fire.

"You should sleep," she said. "Let the fire burn for some warmth. I can keep watch and get a little rest myself."

He nodded absentmindedly and scooted closer to the fire where he lay down with his coat wrapped tightly around himself. He looked up at the stars and made a wish that everything would turn out alright for the two of them. That Tauriel would truly stop blaming herself for their situation and be happy once more. Because he could still sense her pain, her guilt.

After a while he rolled onto his side with a sigh and closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to claim him. Somewhere on the border between sleep and consciousness, he felt a body pressing itself to his back, a slender arm reaching across to hug him tightly. He smiled a sleepy smile and took her hand it his, pressing a small kiss to it, before he drifted off to sleep.

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_Please take a few seconds to review!_


	18. Chapter 17

_Author's note: Thank you for your lovely reviews! And also for your great suggestions how this might continue - I know how it is going to end, but I don't know some of the stuff that is going to happen until then. Ideas are always welcome ;) _

_I will go on vacation soon, so there might not be an update for two weeks. But I will be back, I promise. I'm working on Chapter 18, but I'm not sure if it will be finished before I leave._

_Hope you enjoy this one. Warning: slightly mature content._

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit._

* * *

**Chapter XVII**

Slowly Tauriel made her way through the undergrowth, careful not to make too much noise. In Mirkwood you never knew who might be listening. In her arms she carried a bundle of twigs. When she had left Kíli's side some time ago, the fire they had built for themselves had been burning low and so she had decided to go gather some wood. The morning air was crisp and he would need the warmth of the fire when he woke up.

She smiled as she remembered the heat of his body as it was pressed to hers almost all night. Under the starlit sky she had molded her body to his, seeking not only warmth, but, more importantly, someone to hold onto in those crazy times, when no stone seemed to stay upon the other anymore and everything was coming apart. And his mere presence had given her what she had needed, an anchor in the storm, a light in the dark.

She glanced into the direction of the sun where it was beginning to rise. The day was promising to be a beautiful one – cold, but beautiful. And as the sun was starting to brighten the sky, Tauriel also felt as if she could bring herself to see a brighter future than she had pictured in the days before. What Kíli had said to her two nights before had been true – they might both have lost their homes, but all that that meant was that each of them was now 'home' for the other.

And suddenly the idea of the two of them travelling across Middle Earth, making themselves useful where they could, did not sound scary or desolate anymore. On the contrary. On the road they would be freer than they could ever hope to be in any place and there would be no reason anymore to hold back the affection they felt for each other. Because Tauriel had been holding herself back rigorously those past few days. How she had longed to touch him, to be with him as she had in her dreams. But everything had happened so overwhelmingly fast that it had knocked her out of balance. Even more out of balance than she had already been before.

Drawing closer to the spot where they had set up camp, she resolved to stop burdening both of them with her shame and her guilt over having torn him away from his family that she knew he loved so dearly. If they wanted to stand any chance in this harsh, often cruel world, melancholy would not help them. Hope, on the other hand, would.

Pushing aside some drooping branches, Tauriel stepped into the clearing where she had left her Dwarven prince – and was momentarily shocked to find the little nest of fabric they had gathered around themselves during the night empty, the small camp fire merely a cold pile of ash beside it. Telling herself that there were no signs of a struggle and that thus Kíli was not likely to be in any danger, she looked around for him. A slight splashing sound drew her attention to the small stream which gurgled happily only a few feet away from their camp.

Cautiously approaching the river bank, Tauriel peered through twigs and leaves, her warrior instincts telling her to remain on guard. She relaxed when she recognized that it was Kíli whom she had heard splashing about in the water and that he seemed to be completely fine. Once she got a closer look at him, however, she tensed again, only this time not with fear but with breathless excitement. A crimson flush of embarrassment spread across her pale cheeks.

Kíli, young and proud, was standing in the water which was only knee-deep. He was stark naked. Tauriel watched in fascination as he bent forward, dipping his head into the water that had to be freezing. When he straightened again and threw his head back, glistening droplets of water ran down his broad, muscular back. Tauriel followed each of those droplets with her eyes, feeling her lower belly tingle with that particular form of excitement she had come to associate with him.

She was sure that she had not made a sound that would give her away and so she was surprised when he suddenly called out. "You know, it is a common misconception that dwarves are reluctant to wash or anything like that. In fact, we are quite cleanly." He turned his head and looked over his shoulder into her direction, but kept his back turned towards her. The blush on Tauriel's face deepened and he laughed a little. His voice sounded less teasing and more serious than he probably intended it to when he added, "Come join me."

Keeping her eyes fixed on the ground, Tauriel stepped out of the trees and onto the narrow riverbank. What else was she supposed to do? She felt mortified at having been caught watching him, but now that he had already seen her standing there, there was no point in simply turning back. And aside from that, something inside of her would not allow her to turn around and walk away anyway.

When she refused to look up at him, Kíli came closer, his legs causing the water to splash about as he waded through the stream. He stopped when he reached her and held out his hand, silently repeating his invitation to join him. Tauriel hesitantly laid her hand in his, but did not move otherwise. It seemed to her as if she were rooted to the spot she was standing in, her heart beating nervously in her chest.

Kíli gave a slight tug at her hand. "Come on. It's not like you haven't seen me before."

Exhaling, Tauriel finally lifted her eyes and was only marginally surprised that he had been right. She _had _seen him before. Every detail of his body was just the same it had been in her dreams. She recognized the scars along which she had run her fingers, the broad shoulders into which she had dug her nails during many passionate moments, the dark, crinkly hairs on his chest which had always fascinated her so. And suddenly what had been present at the back of her mind all along, but which she had tried to suppress ever since he woke her up in her room back in Thranduil's palace, hit her full force. They were lovers. Not friends, not strangers whom fate had thrown together and who now tried to struggle along. In a strange way, no one knew her as well as he did, no matter what outsiders might think about their relationship. And there was truly no reason to hold back anymore.

She felt her knees go slightly weak with the impact of this realization and the feeling must have been reflected on her face, because Kíli asked her, his voice throaty from worry and nervousness, "Tauriel? Are you alright?"

She did not reply, only nodded. Then she let go of his hand and, with trembling hands, began untying the lacing of her own bodice. Kíli watched as she shed layer after layer of her clothing, his eyes wide with astonishment and blatant desire. When she had dropped the last piece of fabric onto the ground, she straightened up and they just stood there for a moment, staring at each other, drinking in the sight. With their eyes they retraced the paths their hands had taken during so many nights spent together in their dreams, remembering, reminiscing.

When their eyes met, Tauriel held her breath for a few seconds. The air around them grew still and heavy - or at least that was how it seemed to her. Then, suddenly, Kíli broke the tension and took a step out of the water and up onto the riverbank. They reached out towards one another simultaneously, he placing his hands on her hips and she wrapping her arms around his neck. Even now that they were standing on level ground, he was still shorter than her, but Tauriel had gotten so used to their difference in height that she barely noticed this anymore. That is until he made use of his position and bent down his head a little to capture the tip of one of her breasts between his lips.

Tauriel gasped and threw back her head which encouraged Kíli to pull her tighter against himself and bite down gently on her nipple. At that, the weak feeling in her knees became too much to bear and so Tauriel let herself sink back onto the grass behind her, pulling Kíli with her who followed her movement enthusiastically, coming to kneel between her legs, his hands placed on either side of her body.

Her back had barely touched the ground when he leaned forward on his knees, capturing her mouth in a bruising kiss that spoke more than any words could have. _I missed you. I want you. You're beautiful. You make me so happy that I could cry. I love you._

With her hands tangled in his dark hair, she returned his kiss with equal fervor, crushing her mouth to his with almost desperate need. She wanted to devour him, wanted his hands and his lips everywhere on her body at the same time. Why had they waited so long to do this?

Arching her back to even further reduce the distance between their bodies, Tauriel could briefly feel Kíli hesitate, but then, in one swift motion, he pushed himself into her, obviously unable to hold himself back any longer. But that was just fine with her – she had been ready for him ever since the moment she first spotted him standing there in the water.

Letting her head fall back onto the grass that was still damp with morning dew, Tauriel moaned, reveling in the sensation of him stretching her sensitive, inner walls so abruptly. She raised her legs to wrap them around his back, pulling him deeper into her, wanting to increase this glorious pressure.

Kíli responded by taking her left hand from where it rested on the back of his neck and guided it above her head where he pinned it down. His other hand he wrapped around the back of her right leg, pushing it gently but firmly into the direction of her own body. When he began moving inside of her, she gasped at the increased friction that this new position brought her. Unable to do much else, she let him ravish her body, feeling her body being pushed closer and closer to that brink of sheer pleasure with each of his thrusts.

When she reached that particular point where she thought she could not take it anymore, where pain and pleasure united into one overwhelming sensation, she could feel him buck against her, all muscles of his body rippling with tension. And finally she, too, could let herself go and she arched back her head as she let those waves of passion wash over her, drown her, making her lose any sense of top and bottom, light and dark, right and wrong for a moment.

Kíli collapsed on top of her and buried his head in the nape of her neck, breathing heavily. Once she was in full possession of her senses once again, she loosely wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. Smiling into his hair she said, "I hope there were no orcs nearby to witness this."

She felt him shake with laughter, but he did not reply immediately, still trying to catch his breath. After another few moments he raised his head to look at her, his eyes shining with happiness. "Are we good now?" he asked her.

She smiled at him and lifted her head from the ground to press a gentle, but firm kiss to his lips. "Yes, we are. Much more than just good actually."

He grinned and lowered his head to kiss her again, slowly, languidly, rekindling the flame inside of her that had not even yet ceased to burn entirely. "Good," he said, breaking their kiss. "'Cause I'm going to want to do this again."

She laughed and drew his head back down to continue their kiss. After another few seconds, however, she could not suppress a slight shiver and this time not from desire, but from cold. After all it was almost winter and the ground was hard and cold. The fact that Kíli continued to drip ice cold water onto her did not help. Kíli felt her shudder and drew away.

"But I guess that next time can wait until we've found some place warmer," he muttered. Withdrawing from her he sat back on his heels and offered her a hand to help her up. "Come on, we should get dressed. I'll rebuild the fire so that we can warm ourselves up."

Tauriel nodded and gratefully accepted the clothes that he handed her, quickly wrapping herself in as many layers as possible. Kíli vanished out of sight and when she returned to the spot they had set up their temporary camp in, he was already busy getting the fire going again. He had put on some of his clothes, but not all. His feet were still bare, his shirt still hanging open to reveal his chest.

"Aren't you cold, too?" Tauriel asked him.

He smiled at her from where he was bent down beside the fire, slowly rekindling its flames, and shrugged. "Guess dwarves are used to harsh weather."

She returned his smile and sat down as close to the small fire as possible, warming her hands. "I don't normally mind cold weather, either," she said, frowning a little. Then she grinned. "But then again, I don't normally lie around in the grass, naked, in winter."

Kíli laughed and crossed over to her, sitting down behind her, and drew her against his chest. "I sure hope you don't."

Tauriel snuggled herself against him, enjoying his warmth more than actually needing it. Her rational mind told her that she was probably even less sensitive to cold than he was, but at that moment it just felt so nice to be warmed by him, to forget what they were for a few minutes. She turned her head and pressed her nose against his cheek. "Mmmh, you're so warm."

"Glad to be of service, milady," he replied, tightening his arms around her. "Feel free to sleep a little. I'm guessing you stayed up on watch most of the night?"

"I did," she murmured. "But I don't want to sleep. I think I've had enough of that for quite a long time. I'd rather spend every minute awake. With you."

He pressed a kiss to her temple. "But don't you have to? Sleep I mean."

She shook her head slightly. "Not like you do. I just rest, that is enough for me." She stared at the flames for a second. "I guess that is why I got a little … _confused_ by this whole dream thing."

"Don't worry," he replied. "Most people might have."

She turned her head and looked up at him. "But you weren't, were you? How did you figure it out?" She had been wondering about that ever since she had fully realized what had happened to her. To them.

He kept silent for a moment. "Well, for one thing there was something you said to me in your own tongue during the first dream I had. It just didn't feel like something that I would come up with on my own. I never found out what it meant though, or if it even _was_ proper Elvish."

Tauriel rummaged around in her head, trying to remember what he was talking about. Her memories of the past few weeks seemed hazy at best. "_Meleth e-gûr nîn, guren níniatha n'i lû n'i a-govenitham. Ned i postog a nîn, ni bant," _she then said slowly. "Is that what it was?"

He nodded. "Yes. That's what it sounded like at least. What does it mean?"

Tauriel hesitated, suddenly feeling shy once more and embarrassed for her silly words. "It means, 'Love of my heart, my heart shall weep until I see you again. When you lie beside me, I am complete'," she said, quickly, staring into the fire.

Again, Kíli's arms tightened around her and he pressed a kiss to the pointy tip her ear which made her giggle. "Then I suppose it _was_ good that I didn't go around asking people for a translation. Might have earned me some strange glances."

She laughed at that. "That is true. But you said there was something else that made you realize this was more than just a dream?"

He nodded and reached with his hand between their bodies to retrieve something from his pocket. He held it up in front of her eyes.

"Your stone!" she exclaimed in surprise. "But how – I don't understand…"

He shrugged. "Neither do I. Found it between my sheets after that night when we first… you know…"

She felt herself blush a little, but took the stone from his hand and turned in over in her hand, running her thumb across the runes carved into it. "I thought I'd lost it. That someone had taken it from me." She could hear her own voice choke a little with the memory of the pain of that moment when she had thought him gone and his token with him.

Kíli wrapped his hand around hers which still held the stone, silently reminding her that not only the stone but also he himself had been returned to her. "Do have any idea how this might have happened?" he asked her.

Tauriel shook her head no. "I've never heard of anything like that, no. It sound very… _unusual_."

She felt him smile against her cheek. "I suppose most people would call _us_ unusual."

She huffed. "If not all of them."

"I don't care what they say anymore," he said. "I'm happy."

She sat up and turned around to face him to capture his lips in a happy kiss. "Me, too," she said softly. And this was true. Never in the centuries that she had spent on this world had she felt as filled with joy as now.

Snuggling back into his arms, Tauriel continued to gaze into the fire, idly wondering what their next step would be. She knew that they would soon reach the edge of the forest which would place them at the feet of the Grey Mountains. If they really did not mean to return to Erebor, then that would leave them only with one choice and that was going west. And then?

Suddenly Tauriel felt Kíli tense behind her. She turned around to look at him – he was staring into the forest, frowning.

"What is it?" she whispered.

The frown on his forehead deepened. "I don't know. It just felt like we were being watched."

Tauriel raised her eyebrows and strained both her eyes and ears to determine whether there was someone – or something - close by. For a split second she thought her keen Elven senses caught upon some kind of presence, but before she could put her finger on what kind of presence this was, it slipped away.

"You're right," she said to Kíli in a low voice. "I felt something, too. There is someone else out there, but they've gone now. Or concealed themselves entirely."

"Friend or foe?" Kíli asked, his hand on the hilt of his sword.

"I cannot say," Tauriel replied. "But there seems to be no danger for now."

Kíli got up nevertheless, tensely staring into the trees. "I think we should move on. And be a little bit more on our guard from now on."

Tauriel grinned. "Does that mean I do not get to distract you anymore?"

He stretched out his arm to help her up and winked at her. "I dare you to try."

"I just might," she returned, her eyes twinkling with mischief. She did not think that there was any reason to be overly worried right now, but of course he was right. They should not stay in one place for too long. The world was full of beings that did not mean them well. And, sadly, some of those beings were of their own kin.

So they set about gathering their things together, preparing to continue a journey that had only just begun and the end of which had yet to be determined.


	19. Chapter 18

_Author's note: I'm back! Missed writing a lot over those past 10 days. Here's another chapter. Hope you enjoy my little plot twist! Thanks to everyone who reviewed._

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit or its characters._

**Chapter XVIII**

Kíli stepped out of the tree line, feeling the cold wind whip against his face. It felt good to get out of the forest again after so many days, to let his gaze travel across the lands in front of him. Tauriel had shown him a side to the forest he would not have seen for himself, had shown him that beyond the mysterious, often stifling atmosphere of Mirkwood also lay great beauty and life. But still, he was now extremely glad to have reached its borders.

To the north lay an impressive chain of mountains which Kíli knew to be the Grey Mountains. He followed them west with his eyes, but saw nothing of great consequence, no settlements or any sign of inhabitation. He turned his head to look into the opposite direction and felt his heart clench painfully when his eyes fell upon the Lonely Mountain in the distance.

Tauriel stepped up behind him and laid her hand on his shoulder. Following his gaze she spoke quietly. "We can still change our plans, you know. I am sure there has to be a way for you to mend fences with your family."

He reached up to cover her hand with his. "I want to do what is best for the both of us. Do really think you could be happy living amongst dwarves below a huge mountain? Dwarves who would eye you with wariness, or worse, animosity?"

Tauriel remained silent for a few seconds. In a low voice she then said, "I could _try_. For you I would."

He turned around and put his arms around her waist, drawing her towards himself. Tilting his head back he looked up at her. "No, I would not want that for you. We will go ahead and build a new life for us, one in which we can both be happy. And this cannot happen at Erebor."

She smiled down at him and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "I just don't want you to regret that choice. Now it might not be too late yet to go back."

Kíli shook his head. "I will not regret it, I promise. The only thing I would regret would be making you unhappy. We'll continue west and cross the Misty Mountains into Eriador. And then, maybe…" he trailed off, hesitating to suggest what had been on his mind for several days now.

Tauriel nudged him. "What is it that you are thinking about? You can tell me, you know."

"I- I would like to travel to Ered Luin first. See my mother, let her know I am alright."

"Oh," Tauriel said, surprised.

"I wouldn't want to stay there," he added quickly. "Just, you know, stop by. I guess she and many others will be travelling to Erebor soon anyway."

She smiled at him and nodded. "I understand. Then that is what we will do." She paused. "I just wonder if your mother's wrath at your decision won't be even worse than that of your uncle."

Kíli grimaced. In his head, he could already hear Dís yell at him. "I guess I'll just have to wait and see. In any way, I cannot simply leave her wondering what happened to me, if I'm still alive. That would not be fair."

"No, it wouldn't," she agreed. "I suppose that means we have a proper plan now."

He smiled at her, amazed at the fact that, considering the circumstances, they were really doing remarkably well. "Do you think we should go any further today?"

She thought this over for a moment. "No. Let us make camp here. It is not like we are in a great hurry. Tomorrow we can start our journey west. I suggest we stay close to the tree line, inside the forest. I don't know of much activity around this side of the forest, but it cannot hurt to stay out of sight."

"I agree," Kíli said and followed her a couple of feet back into the forest, resisting the urge to glance over his shoulder at the Lonely Mountain once more. For the past two days, the sensation of being watched had not returned nor had they come across any signs of life. But he was still slightly on edge and could not quite shake the feeling that their peace would not last for that much longer.

"Do you want to make a fire?" Tauriel asked, putting down her pack next to a tree. "I can scout the area, make sure there is no one around."

Kíli nodded. "Sure." He smiled. "Don't stray too far."

She returned his smile and came over to kiss him, her soft lips promising that there were more caresses to follow later. "I won't."

Kíli grinned after her as she disappeared between the trees, thinking that he truly was a lucky lad. In high spirits he set about building a small fire, making sure that this would not be visible to anyone who might approach the forest.

After a few minutes he became aware of a rustling in the bushes behind him. Kneeling in front of the fire he was trying to light, he tensed. His instincts told him that this was not Tauriel – right from the start he had been quite good at recognizing her presence and if anything he had gotten much better at that during those last few days. Reaching for his sword on the ground beside him, he took a couple of deep breaths, listening for any sounds coming from behind. When he heard the snapping of a twig, he pushed himself up and swung around, ready to throw himself at whoever was lurking in the bushes.

When his eyes focused on a person stepping out of the undergrowth, it took Kíli's brain a moment to realize who this was. When he did, he dropped his sword. "Fíli," he exclaimed, his voice hoarse.

The ash blonde dwarf stared back at him, the expression on his face unreadable. "Brother," he half whispered.

The two young dwarf princes moved simultaneously, quickly closing the distance between them. Kíli raised his arms and embraced his older brother, clutching him to his chest, feeling unexpected tears form in the corners of his eyes. Fíli returned his hug with equal fervor, holding his little brother in a tight, almost desperate grasp. Then he drew back and punched Kíli right in his face.

Kíli's head ricochet back from the impact of his brother's fist and he immediately clutched his nose, feeling blood begin to flow. Stars were swimming in front of his eyes, but his vision was still good enough to see Fíli swing his arm, attempting another punch, but then freeze suddenly, an arrow pointed at his head.

Still clutching his face, Kili lifted his left hand and gestured for Tauriel, who had appeared out of nowhere and was now fixing his brother with angry, narrowed eyes, to lower her bow. "It's alright," he mumbled, spitting on the ground to get rid of the blood that was starting to pool inside his mouth. "I probably deserved that."

"You sure did, you idiot," Fíli replied, staring at him in anger for another few seconds, breathing heavily. When he appeared to have calmed down a little, he looked at Tauriel, who had lowered her bow, but was still looking at him with wariness in her eyes, and then back at his younger brother. "So it is true," he said.

"What is?" Kíli returned, still pressing his hands to his face. When Fíli did not reply immediately, he added, "Aren't you supposed to be in Laketown?"

His brother huffed. "Aren't _you_ supposed to be at Erebor?"

Kíli looked down at the floor. He felt Tauriel draw closer to him and he was grateful to know she was there, sensing her sympathy and her support despite her obvious hesitation to display any physical affection in front of his brother. "I'm sorry," he said to Fíli. "I know it wasn't right what I did. But I had no choice."

"No choice!" Fíli exclaimed incredulously. "No choice but to leave your family behind in the middle of the night, without saying one word? For all we knew you were dead, killed by some stray orc."

Kíli could not look at him, the guilt that he had tried to push to the back of his mind during those last few days suddenly threatening to overwhelm him. Tauriel seemed to sense how he felt and took another step closer, putting her hand on his shoulder to comfort him, to give him strength. He smiled up at her gratefully and then, finally, dared to look his brother in the eye once more. "Look, I know you cannot understand this and I do not expect you to appreciate what I have done. But if you ever knew me at all, you have to accept that I made a choice and that this cannot be undone. I truly am sorry though that things turned out the way they did. Leaving you behind was the hardest thing I ever did."

Now it was Fíli's turn to stare at the ground. He did not speak for a few moments. When he did it was with great sadness in his voice. "I'm sorry, too. I was not there for you when you needed me most, did not listen to you when I should have. I was… _lost_ myself, I suppose."

Kíli took a hesitant step towards his brother. "But you are better now?" he asked, looking at Fíli intently. He sure did seem better than when he had last seen him. The scarring on his face had grown paler and his spirits did not seem as sinister as during their last encounter in the halls of Erebor.

"Aye," Fili replied. It seemed as if there was more that he was going to say, but he fell silent, averting his gaze once more. "Are you?" he finally said.

Kíli reached for Tauriel's hand and squeezed it, smiling at her before looking back at his brother once more. "You could say that," he simply replied.

When he noticed his brother turning his gaze towards the ground once more, obviously uncomfortable with the closeness between the two of them, he stepped away from Tauriel, shooting her an apologetic glance. "So, what _did _happen? After I left? Why aren't you with the people of Laketown?" he asked Fíli, trying to change the topic and satisfy his curiosity simultaneously.

Fíli fixed his eyes onto the silhouette of the Lonely Mountain, which you could dimly suspect through the branches of the trees. "Thorin was furious when he discovered your absence of course," he finally said. "Accused me of all kinds of things, but I managed to convince him that I had nothing to do with your disappearance. He and I were both well aware of course that you had in all likelihood not been abducted or anything, but had left of your own accord. If I had truly thought that you were in trouble I would have come for you right away." He paused and Kíli bit his lip, feeling ashamed of himself for having caused his brother so much trouble. "But as it was, I did go to Laketown, after all," Fíli continued. "I was hurt and angry, told myself that if you could just go off to do whatever pleased you, so might I."

Kíli looked at the ground, guiltily. Fíli continued.

"But after a few days, I realized that this simply would not do. I swore to our mother – and to myself for that matter – that I would look after you. And so I decided to return to Erebor, to tell Thorin that I would try anything to get you back. But what I found when I arrived there was very unsettling."

Kíli frowned, a feeling of dread beginning to form in his stomach. "Why? What is going on?"

Fíli looked at him, the expression on his face one of worry and pain. "You were right, Kíli."

Kíli's raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"When you told me you were worried about Thorin, worried about him changing. He is not who he used to be anymore. I should have taken your concerns more seriously, should have paid more attention to what you were trying to tell me."

Kíli stepped closer to his brother, putting a hand on his shoulder. Never had he been less happy to have been right. "What happened?" he asked.

"I can't really say," Fíli replied. "Thorin- he was always very strong in his opinions and made his decisions accordingly, you know that. We all knew that. But lately he has become downright cruel, pushing for measures that would hurt others."

Kíli squeezed his brother's shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"I stayed at Erebor for another few days, hoping to have some kind of influence over him. I was afraid that he would soon do something that would disrupt the alliances we have formed recently, destroy the peace."

"What happened that made you leave?" Kíli asked, sensing that there was more to come.

Fíli looked at the ground, frowning. "A couple of days ago Thorin suddenly seemed better, acting like his usual self again. But that lasted only briefly. He-" Fíli broke off, taking a deep breath. "I don't really know what happened. He seemed to have some kind of a fit and ever since he has slipped in and out of consciousness, speaking of the strangest things whenever he is awake."

"What kind of things?" Kíli pressed on.

"It's… it's as if he is not really there when he is awake, as if he is seeing things that none of us can see, struggling with invisible forces. I think something has taken hold of his mind. Some kind of sickness."

Kíli stepped closer and leaned his forehead against his brother's, horrified at what he had just been told. Suddenly Tauriel spoke up. "But from what you make it sound, it seems as if your uncle is struggling against this sickness. Maybe it is not too late yet to bring him back."

Fíli stared at her, his expression filled with hesitation and distrust. "Yes, maybe. But I don't know how." He looked back at Kíli. "In any way, I figured that you should be there. He needs his family now. _I_ need you."

Kíli nodded grimly. Then he frowned. "But how did you find us?"

Fíli snorted. "I figured that you would have done something foolish such as walk right into Mirkwood. I never figured out what exactly it was that you were up to in the days before the battle, but I knew that it had something to do with… you know…" he hesitated and then gestured awkwardly between Kíli and Tauriel who both blushed a little. "I was prepared to do anything to get you back, even if that meant walking back into the halls of that mad Elven king. Sorry, no offense," he said to Tauriel, who merely inclined her head and smiled.

"Luckily, before I got there, I ran into that whacky wizard, you know, the one with bird poop all over his head."

"Radagast?"

"Aye, that's the one. Anyway, he told me he had seen a dwarf and an elf-maid somewhere in the northern part of the forest. He also told me a couple of other things I did not want to hear and am not going to repeat now."

Kíli dropped his gaze and felt his face flush. He heard Tauriel give a small, mortified groan. So it was Radagast who had been watching them a couple of days ago. Had been watching them for quite a while as it seemed.

Fíli chuckled, obviously enjoying their discomfort. "I followed his lead, hoping to catch up with you. And here I am."

Kíli nodded, digesting all the information he had just received. It seemed as if things were not as easy as he had pictured them in his mind after all. Their past seemed to be reluctant to let them go. He looked at Tauriel who was leaning against a tree, her arms crossed in front of her body, regarding him with worry and sympathy.

"I have to go," he said apologetically. It had taken them so long to figure out what they were going to do and now that they finally had, everything was coming apart once again, the path in front of them rearranging itself without them being able to do anything about it but to stand by and watch. And he could not suppress a slight feeling of disappointment as he saw the life they had painted for themselves during those past few days slowly drift away, out of reach for the time being. Reality had plunged its claws into their flesh once more, pulling them to where it wanted to have them.

"I know," his love replied, and he could see a small trace of that same disappointment in her eyes. But she blinked it away swiftly and was all business when she said, "I suggest we leave right away. It will be dark soon and that will make it less risky to travel across open land instead of taking the longer route through the forest."

Kíli nodded in agreement and set about to quickly gather his things. His brother, however, stood rooted to the spot and blinked at Tauriel in surprise. "You're coming with us?"

Both Kíli and Tauriel looked at him perplexedly.

"Umm, yes," Tauriel said.

"Where I go, she goes as well," Kíli added, daring his brother to contradict him with his eyes. "That is how it will be from now on." _Get used to it._

Fíli sighed, looking at his younger brother with a mixture of exasperation, worry, and maybe also a tiny bit of admiration. "Fine." He narrowed his eyes at Tauriel. "Just don't slow us down."

Striding past her he stepped out of the forest, leaving her to stare after him in amusement.

Kíli rolled his eyes. "Don't mind him. He'll come around to this eventually." Approaching her he took one of her hands in his and looked at her intently. "Are you sure you are alright with this?"

She smiled, squeezing his hand reassuringly. "You are doing the right thing. We'll get through this, together."

Kíli raised her hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles. He was so glad to have her at his side now, to have someone who understood him so deeply that he did not even have to say what troubled him most of the time.

She leaned forward to kiss him, but was interrupted by Fíli yelling, "What's the hold up?"

They both rolled their eyes at that, but bent down to retrieve their packs from the ground. Kíli took her hand in his once more. "Ready?" he asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be," she replied and together they stepped out of Mirkwood, prepared to face whatever complications fate might have in store for them next.

* * *

_tbc..._

_Please review!_


	20. Chapter 19

_Author's note: Thank you all for your lovely feedback. And thank you especially __**Cassandrala **__for suggesting that song, I love it, it's just perfect. I'll be out of town again over the weekend, but before I go here's another chapter - and a very long one! Hope you enjoy._

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit or its characters._

**Chapter XIX**

Kíli lay on his back with his arms folded behind his head, looking at the Lonely Mountain looming up into the sky several miles away. They were taking one last rest before the final part of their journey, but he found that he was unable to sleep.

It felt strange to know that, in a couple of hours, he would set foot into Erebor once more, be surrounded by people whom he had not thought he would be seeing again anytime soon. It made him nervous not to know exactly what to expect upon his arrival. Would there still be a chance for his uncle? Or were they too late, was he too far gone already? And the others, would they shun him for his betrayal? Would they accept Tauriel's presence at his side?

He let his eyes drift up to the sky, looking at the stars above. He wished for Tauriel to lie next to him, to distract him from his thoughts and give him comfort. But she had wandered off on her own, suggesting that he and Fíli should get some sleep while kept an eye out for any kind of danger. Her intention had probably been to give them some space, room to talk and fix everything that had gone wrong between the two of them in those last few weeks. But there had not been much talking and a lot of awkward silence instead. It felt so strange to be with his brother again and under those circumstances. Good, but also very strange.

It had always just been the two of them, permanently together, sharing everything. But lately it seemed as if they had both begun to build a life independent of the other and it felt as if neither of them knew how to handle this. At least Kíli didn't. And then there was a third person now, Tauriel, making it impossible for Kíli to base all of his actions solely on his brother's well-being any more. He knew that Fíli did not feel any real hostility towards Tauriel, but he could also see that it would take him some time to really trust her, to figure out what role she played in all of this.

He gave a low sigh, a little sad that his and Tauriel's newly found intimate togetherness had been disrupted after such a short time. For a couple of days they had enjoyed complete freedom in their affection for each other and there had been no reason to hold back. Now they were always under observation by critical eyes once more, making it difficult to be as carefree and open with each other as they had begun to be. And since they were about to return to Erebor, it did not seem likely that this would change again anytime soon. But of course this had to be. Once again the fate of his kin had to take precedence over his own desires, he knew that.

Next to him, he heard his brother move. Looking over at Fíli, he found that he was awake, his head propped up on one of his hands, staring at him.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened after you went away?" Fíli asked when he saw that he now had his brother's attention.

Kíli looked back up at the sky, wondering how much he should tell Fíli, whether the whole truth might not estrange him from himself even further. "I did not simply run away, you know," he finally said.

"Then what would you call it?" his brother returned and Kíli tried not to let the coldness in his voice get to him.

"She needed my help," Kíli said. He looked over at his older brother again. "That is what I meant when I said that I had had no choice."

Fíli raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean she needed your help? I did not know that you had spoken to her after Laketown."

"I didn't. Legolas came back to Erebor and told me, asked for my help. I went to Mirkwood with him."

Fíli gave an incredulous laugh. "Are you serious? You and that Elf prince on the road together?"

Kíli could not suppress a little laugh of his own. "Yeah, I know right? It was not exactly the most comfortable journey, I can tell you that."

"I sure bet," Fíli replied. "What happened then?"

Kíli decided that it might be best to skip that whole part about waking Tauriel up, because it would stir up too many questions that he could not answer himself. "Legolas sneaked me into the Elven king's halls. I got to her and helped her handle that… situation she had found herself in." He looked over at his brother. "Then Legolas helped us escape. We have been traveling ever since."

"You sneaked into that palace right under Thranduil's nose and then back out again?" Kíli nodded and his brother grinned. "I bet he was furious."

"I don't know," Kíli replied. "But I hope I won't get a chance to find out any time soon. I am not the only one out of the two of us who got into trouble for… you know. How we feel about each other."

Fíli nodded thoughtfully and they both fell silent for a few moments. Then Fíli spoke up again. "But there is something you're not telling me, isn't there? Why didn't you have a choice but to go with Legolas? Couldn't he help her out? I mean, you must have known that you leaving would in all likelihood destroy your relationship with Thorin. Why were you prepared to take such drastic measures? And don't tell me you simply didn't think of this."

Damn. His brother simply knew him to well. "It was… it's just…" Kíli fumbled for words. What could he tell his brother to make him understand how those past few weeks had been for him and Tauriel, what they both had gone through, without going into detail about this strange matter of them sharing their dreams? "You have to understand that this thing with Tauriel and me, it is not just some kind of silly flirting, something that will pass," he finally said. Fíli looked at him intently. "We… there is something between us that ties us together and we cannot simply walk away from this. We won't. It would destroy us. I hope you will be able to understand this one day."

Fíli turned onto his back and gazed up at the sky. "It is not like I do not understand what you are going through at all. In fact I think I realized that this was not merely you acting a fool a while ago – I simply didn't want to see it for what it was. I just wish this wouldn't make everything so complicated. I wish it wouldn't stand between you and me."

Kíli smiled at his brother wistfully. "I am not going to argue that what you say isn't at least a little true. But don't you think that things might be the same if it was you that had attached himself to someone? Even if that someone wasn't an elf?

Fíli chewed on his lower lip. "I don't know. Maybe." Once again Kíli felt as if there was something else his brother was going to say, but didn't. Instead Fíli sighed. "Things have been changing so quickly lately."

"_We _have changed," Kíli said. "But you are still my brother. And even if my actions in the recent past have not made it look like it, I would do anything for you. And for Thorin aswell. You know that."

Fíli rolled onto his side again. The sun was beginning to come up and in its pale light Kíli could see a lingering sadness on his brother's face, but also the fierce love he himself felt for him being reflected in his eyes. "I know," Fíli said simply and they both lay there for a while looking at each other, both of them reminiscing the days when everything had been so simple, where the consequences of their decisions had not had not been nearly as far-reaching as they were today.

* * *

Kíli forced himself to look straight ahead as they entered the halls of his forefathers. He could feel many surprised stares and hear many a curious whisper. Both stares and whispers increased even further when Tauriel stepped through the gates behind him, looking about herself with fascination. Kíli's hands itched to reach for her, draw her to his side, but he knew better than to further increase the spectacle that they presented to the dwarven onlookers. There was no time now to deal with them or with the questions they surely would have. He had come to see Thorin and he would not stop for anything until he did.

As they made their way through the front hall, Kíli thought to himself that Erebor was truly becoming a place of the living once more, populated with his kinsmen. And kinswomen, he added to himself when he saw a group of young dwarf-women putting their heads together and whisper to one another, throwing curious and not only friendly glances in Tauriel's direction.

Fíli led them though the crowd unerringly and refused to stop even when someone called out to him. They left the front hall behind and advanced on the private quarters of the king. Here, where the corridors were not filled with dwarfs, Tauriel drew up to Kíli's side.

"This is magnificent," she whispered. "So different from what I imagined it to be like."

Kíli smiled at her almost youthful excitement. It was quite easy to forget that she had lived for more than half a millennium already and he loved how she could be so very passionate and enthusiastic about the world around her. But then again, by Elven standards she _was_ rather young, wasn't she?

"Just a huge pile of stone, really," he returned, but secretly he was proud to hear her speak favorably of the place that had played such a big role for him throughout his whole life, had defined who he was without him ever having set foot in it until recently. And still it continued to shape his fate, drawing him close and pushing him away again alternately.

When Tauriel saw the smile on his face die, she reached out and briefly squeezed his hand. Fíli chose that moment to look over his shoulder and rolled his eyes when he saw this quick, intimate exchange between them. "Come on, we're almost there," he said. He looked at Tauriel and Kíli thought he was probably going to suggest that she would stay behind, but then Fíli shrugged in resignation and simply continued down the corridor.

Turning another corner, the three of them almost collided with a tall, grey figure that was pacing the hallway.

"Fíli!" Gandalf exclaimed. "It is good that you have returned. And I see that you were successful in you quest… _oh_." His eyes had fallen on Tauriel who had come to stand behind Kíli. Kíli had the strange instinct to shield her from the wizard, which was silly, really, because for one thing she was taller than he was and also he knew that Gandalf would probably be the person in Erebor least likely to wish to harm her. Gandalf looked from the young she-elf to Kíli, then back at her with raised eyebrows. "Interesting," he then muttered, but did not further elaborate. Instead he gestured for them to follow him. "Come on," he said.

Fíli fell into step beside him, while Kíli and Tauriel followed behind. Kíli looked at her questioningly, but she merely shrugged, obviously as puzzled by the wizard's behavior as he was.

"Has there been any change?" Fíli asked Gandalf as they approached.

"The good news is that your uncle's condition has not deteriorated," he replied. "But at the same time none of the cures we have tried so far are working. I am afraid we are running out of resources."

Kíli glanced at the wizard and thought to himself that he looked even older than usual, the lines on his face deep with worry. If Gandalf was at his wits end, then how were _they_ supposed to figure out how to help Thorin?

"You say that you are running out of resources, but have you determined the _source _of his suffering yet?" Tauriel spoke up, a little shyly. Gandalf turned towards her and looked at her once more with curiosity written all over his face. They had come to a stop in front of the doors leading into the king's bedroom.

"You speak wisely," he said. "Indeed we have so far failed to determine what it is that has caused this condition. That is what makes it so hard to know where to begin, how to reach out to Thorin."

Tauriel looked down, blushing slightly at the wizard's praise. He frowned a little. "What is your name?"

"This is Tauriel," Kíli spoke up instead of her, still struggling with this strange instinct to protect her. "She comes from Mirkwood."

Gandalf looked at him and then back at Tauriel again. "Yes… yes, I remember you. You-"

They were interrupted by shouts coming through the closed doors of Thorin's bedroom. The four of them looked at each other in alarm before Gandalf pushed the doors open and hurried inside, Kíli, Tauriel and Fíli following close behind.

Kíli had to swallow against a lump forming in his throat at the sight that presented itself to them. Thorin lay on his bed, trashing about. He was restrained with ropes that had been tied around his arms and legs. Balin and Óin were holding him down, trying to calm him. Kíli briefly registered several other people in the room who were looking on with worry and sympathy – Bilbo was standing at the foot of Thorin's bed and looked like he was about to cry. Others were huddled in a corner, urgently discussing something in lowered voices. Kíli recognized Bofur among them as well as some other members of their company. There were also some dwarves whom Kíli did not know.

Several heads turned into their direction as they stepped into the room. Balin looked at Gandalf apologetically. "We had to tie him down. He seemed intent on hurting himself." His gaze fell onto Kíli and he narrowed his eyes. "_You!_" He straightened up, but Gandalf shot him a warning glance.

"This is not the time, Balin," he said and the old dwarf sank back down again, the anger on his face dying as quickly as it had flared up and he continued to look at his king with great sorrow in his eyes.

Cautiously Kíli approached the bed and kneeled down beside his uncle. Fíli imitated his movement while Tauriel and Gandalf stayed behind. Thorin's eyes were open, but unseeing, the pallor of his skin sickly. He seemed to have calmed down, but as Kíli looked on a low moan escaped from his uncle's lips, a moan of pain and… _fear_.

"Let go, let me go…" Thorin whispered, his face and expression of torture.

"Thorin?" Kíli spoke hoarsely.

"He can't hear you," Òin spoke up. "He never reacts to anything we say to him, merely keeps talking about things that make no sense, but that obviously cause him great pain."

Kíli chewed on his lower lip and looked down at his uncle, wondering if it had been him who had caused this disastrous situation, if it had been his actions that had driven Thorin over the edge. Guilt was eating away at his heart while at the same time he knew that would he face that same decision again, he would probably chose the same path. Being with Tauriel was not a mere choice, it was fate. If only that fate did not clash with everything else in his life, did not make everyone he knew unhappy.

Fíli clasped his hand around his brother's upper arm when he saw tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "Don't beat yourself up over this, Kíli. It's not your fault."

"No, I don't think it is either, laddie," Balin spoke up quietly. "I do not support your conduct, but I believe this would have happened either way. This is something that is rooted much deeper."

Kíli looked up at the white-haired dwarf in surprise. Balin had been the last from whom he had expected sympathy, eternally loyal to Thorin as he was. Both Balin and Òin stepped away from the bed then to make room for Gandalf and Tauriel who had approached the bed in silence. Balin eyed Tauriel with suspicion while Óin beamed at her in open admiration.

"A shadow has taken hold of him," Tauriel said as she looked down at Thorin lying there on the bed. Everyone looked at her. "He has lost the light," she added.

Gandalf nodded and mumbled something to himself while Kíli looked back down at his uncle, taking in the way his eyes darted back and forth, seeing things none of them could see. He remembered how he had felt when his injury had been at its worst, when it had seemed to him as if he was being pulled into a dark abyss that was filled with bottomless despair and never-ending pain. It looked as if Thorin was experiencing something similar. If only they could help him find his way back to them, like Tauriel had helped him when he had been lost in darkness, had given him a light to follow… he paused at that thought and looked up at Tauriel. "Can't you help him?" he asked, hopeful. "The way you helped me."

She looked at him in surprise, but then pressed her lips together, frowning.

"You are a healer?" Gandalf asked her. "We have tried Elven healing before, but maybe there is something that you-"

"No," Tauriel interrupted him, shaking her head. "I am not a healer. I would not be able to help him."

"But you saved Kíli," Fíli jumped in. "I have seen it with my own eyes."

"Yes…" Tauriel hesitated. "But Thorin has no wound that I could tend to, and even if he had there would be others who would be much more qualified to do so than me. And aside from that…" she cast her eyes down and Kíli wondered why she was so very reluctant about this. Did she not have faith in herself? Because he believed in her more firmly than he believed in anything else. When she looked back up, she looked straight at him, only at him, her face slightly red and her voice lowered so that as few people as possible would be able to hear what she said. "What I did for you worked only because it was y_ou_, you see? Because I was prepared to do anything – to _give_ anything – to keep you alive."

She fell silent, but continued to look him in the eye, trying to make him understand what she seemed unable to express in words. "Oh," Kíli merely said when he realized what she was trying to tell him. And suddenly he remembered how when she had brought him back from the shadows, he had felt her light envelop both of them for a few moments, enabling him to see into her soul, to feel the love which back then neither of them had consciously acknowledged. He had never questioned her about her healing, had simply assumed that this was part of being an Elf. Only now did he realize that what she had done for him had been her sharing a little bit of herself with him, bringing him back from the edge with her love for him.

The others looked away in embarrassment – except for Balin who stared at Tauriel in shock – and Kíli only tore his gaze away from Tauriel when Gandalf chuckled. "That explains a lot," the old wizard said mysteriously.

Kíli frowned. "What do you mean?" Tauriel looked at Gandalf in surprise, but Kíli could see that the words of the wizard made more sense to her than they did to him.

"We can discuss this at some other time," Gandalf said. "Right now we need to find a way to resolve this situation and we need to do it fast."

Kíli followed his gaze to the group of dwarves still arguing in a corner of the room. Next to him Fíli gave a low sigh. "I suppose things are about to get messy?" he asked Gandalf who merely huffed.

"What are you talking about?" Kíli asked his brother.

Fìli looked over at the other dwarves and then back at Kíli. "Thorin's… _situation _has resulted in a discussion of leadership. There are some who think that Thorin will not be fit to be king regardless of how this turns out."

Kíli looked at him in shock. "What does that mean? Why didn't you tell me before?"

Fíli looked away and Gandalf answered in his place. "It means that there are parties here that are pushing for a new leader. And they do not agree on who this should be."

Kíli blinked. "But… Thorin is alive still. _He _is king. He returned Erebor to the Dwarves – how can they talk about replacing him?" He suddenly felt some of that old, fierce loyalty well up in his chest once more after he had almost thought that he had lost it.

Fíli shook his head. "I know what you mean. But I'm afraid it is more complicated than that."

"Why?"

"They are afraid," Balin spoke up from behind. "Afraid that the past will repeat itself and that Thorin will suffer the same fate as his grandfather during his worst days. Your great-grandfather's actions brought about a rift between us and the peoples around us. And some believe that Smaug was the punishment for this. Now they fear what evil might befall our kin next."

"This is nonsense," Kíli said.

"Maybe," Fíli returned, "but it is also the kind of nonsense that take root in people's minds, influences them."

"Aye." Balin sighed. "It does seem as if your line is doomed to re-enacting the same fate over and over again."

"Don't say that," Kíli hissed at him.

Fíli put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. "He does not mean it that way. But don't you think it is strange that history seems to be repeating itself all over again?"

Kíli looked down at his uncle who seemed to have slipped into unconsciousness in the meantime. "Yes… yes, it is very strange indeed. That is why we need to find a way to stop it, to return things to the way they were."

Fíli dropped his hand and sank down on the bed, looking defeated. "Aye. If only we knew where to begin."

* * *

Later that night, Kíli lay on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, following the shadowy patterns that the moonlight threw on it from where it shone through the curtains. Another night without Tauriel. It had been quite late when they had left Thorin's side and she had been offered her own quarters. Kíli had felt that it would not have been a good time to begin a dispute over that, especially since he was not sure how aware everyone except for Fíli was of the status of their relationship.

So he had awkwardly bid her goodnight in the hallway, wanting to draw her into his arms, but restraining himself, also feeling quite some hesitation on her side. He only hoped that she did not take this the wrong way and that she understood that he did not want to affront anyone here at Erebor mostly for her own benefit, to make it easier for her to be around the other dwarves.

And maybe it was better this way, better for him to be alone for some time, to sort out his thoughts and reflect on everything that had happened that day. Ah, who was he kidding. If she wasn't with him, all his thoughts centered around was her anyway, making it hard to properly focus on anything else, no matter how urgent.

Suddenly he heard his door open and close again in quick succession and he lifted his head up from his mattress gazing into the darkness. He had not even bothered to undress when he came into his room a while ago and his hand immediately went to the small knife he carried in his belt.

"Who is there?" he said, sitting up in alarm.

Silently Tauriel stepped out of the shadows and into the pool of white moonlight at the center of his room, a sheepish smile on her face. "No one who means you any harm. Quite on the contrary actually," she said.

"You shouldn't be here," Kíli chided her, well aware that the happy smile spreading across his face contradicted his words.

She grinned and stepped closer, coming to a stop right in front of him, where she put her hands on his shoulders and lowered her face to his, gazing into his eyes. "If you think that I am spending my night alone in a mountain full of dwarfs who look at me with everything ranging from suspicion to hostility, you are gravely mistaken."

Kíli returned her grin. "Of course." He grabbed her around the waist and threw her onto his bed effortlessly, flipping them over in the process. Half lying on top of her he looked down at her and brushed a strand of hair from her face. "We wouldn't want you to be ravished by some filthy, dangerous dwarf, milady."

"No," she returned, tangling her hand in the hair at the back of his head. "Except if it is one particular dwarf that does the ravishing."

Kíli lowered his gaze to her full, soft lips. "Let me see what I can do about that," he muttered before leaning down to press his lips to hers, pouring all the longing that he had felt for those past few days but had been unable to satisfy into their kiss and feeling her welcome him with both her body and her soul.

* * *

Later that night, Kíli and Tauriel lay on his bed together, he on his back and she on her side, tracing random patterns on his naked chest with the tips of her fingers. Kíli knew that he should sleep, get some rest after a very long and tiring day. But there was simply too much on his mind for him to fall asleep, no way for him to find oblivion. The knowledge that, beneath the sheets, the almost painfully beautiful she-elf lying next to him did not wear a single inch of fabric on her glorious body did not exactly help with that.

"What do you think will happen?" she whispered.

He turned his head towards her. "I wish I knew. I honestly have no idea how this whole thing could be resolved."

She smiled at him. "We will not stop until we have found a way, and no matter how long it takes, I'm here with you. You are not alone in this."

"I know. And I know that being here cannot be easy for you."

"I will not lie and say it is. I knew it wouldn't be. But I think it is not that easy for you either."

He squeezed her hand which still rested on his chest. "No. No it's not. But we will be okay." He really hoped he was right. She smiled at him reassuringly and he kissed her softly before returning his gaze to the ceiling, the patterns on it soon becoming indistinguishable from the patterns Tauriel was still drawing on his chest and he sank into an uneasy sleep that was filled with images of his uncle. Thorin being carried in the claws of a giant eagle, his body limp and lifeless. Thorin leaving him behind at Laketown. Thorin on the battlefield, going down against Bolg. Thorin confronting him about his actions, accusing him, doubting him. Thorin telling him that he was of great importance to him and this family while at the same time obviously not trusting him around the Arkenstone, shielding it from his sight. In his dream, Kíli tried to push past Thorin, trying to get a look at the King's Jewel, a sudden longing to hold it in his hands filling him, urging him on. But Thorin would not budge, no matter how hard Kíli pushed and shoved and all he ever saw of the stone was a faint glimmer.

He sat up in his bed abruptly, panting, cold sweat covering his bare back. Tauriel, who had been sitting by the window, gazing out over the lands at the foot of the Lonely Mountain, rushed to his side when she heard him stir.

Putting her hands on his cheeks she forced him to look at her. "What is it, a'maelamin? What did you see?"

Trying to calm his breath enough to be able to speak, Kíli wrapped both of his hands around her wrists, looking at her with wide eyes. "The stone," he said, his voice hoarse. "It's that damn stone."

She frowned. "What stone? The runestone?"

"No," he shook his head, his gaze slowly becoming clearer. "The Arkenstone. The King's Jewel. It is what has taken a hold of Thorin's mind. It's the reason for all this mess." He looked at her with determination in his eyes. His voice was calm when he spoke again. "We have to get rid of it."

* * *

_tbc..._

_Please review and let me know what you think!_


	21. Chapter 20

_Author's note: Thank you for your feedback - I am glad that some of you are still with me, enjoying this story. Here's the next chapter - and another one will follow on the weekend. Happy reading!_

_Disclaimer: The Hobbit and its characters are not mine..._

**Chapter XX**

The silence in the room was so heavy, so thick that you could have sliced it with a sharp sword, cut it into tiny pieces. Tauriel let her gaze travel around the room, looking at each of the men who were all displaying their surprise – shock? fear? offense? – in a different manner. Her eyes came to rest on Kíli again, who stood at the center of the room, his stance taut and defensive, impatiently waiting for someone to react to what he had just thrown into the room.

Tauriel, who had studied his handsome face during many hours when he had slept beside her and knew every inch of it, every detail, every tiny flaw, thought that he looked tired, worn out by the events that had been sprung on them so suddenly, so unexpectedly. She longed to draw him away from here, back to the loneliness of the forest where they could lie undisturbed below the stars, in peace. But of course she knew that he would not – could not – stop and rest before they had found out what ailed his uncle. She would not love him the way she did, had this been any different.

She drew her gaze away from his face when someone finally broke the strained silence. "Destroy. The. Arkenstone." It was the old dwarf, Balin. He pronounced every word overly distinct, probably both from anger and disbelief. "Boy, are you out of your mind? Have your relations with the Elves of Mirkwood twisted your reason?"

Tauriel glared at him. She had felt hostility radiate off the dwarf ever since they had arrived at Erebor, but despite this Kíli seemed to think of him favorably and with great respect, so Tauriel kept quiet and let Kíli answer for himself.

For a split second he looked hurt by Balin's words but then spoke, calm and determined. "No. Quite the contrary, my mind is as clear as never before."

"But-"

"No, let me explain," Kíli interrupted Balin who had gotten up from his chair. Kíli looked at him steadily until he sat back down again and Tauriel felt pride well up in her chest at the way he was handling this situation. "Don't you see the connection?" he continued. "Thrór finds the stone, everything goes downhill from there. There was no more reasoning with him, was there? Almost killed himself over the stone. But he got better after it was lost, didn't he? Eventually he got better. Now we come to Erebor and Thorin possesses the stone. Or rather the stone possesses him."

"What are you implying?" one of the dwarves, who had also stayed behind with Kíli at Laketown, asked. Tauriel could not remember his name – they all sounded so similar to her ears.

"That the Arkenstone did something to Thorin to cause his condition." Murmurs began to rise in the room, but Kíli continued. "I don't know if it is the stone, or if it something in our line that is the reason for this. Maybe the combination of both." The murmurs where growing louder and Tauriel feared that Kíli was losing them. But then Kíli turned towards his brother, who was slumped in a chair, staring at the floor, frowning. "Don't you feel it, too? Every time you come near it?"

Fíli looked up in surprise. "Feel what?"

"Feel the stone pulling you towards it. Making you want to hold it, to _own_ it."

The room fell deadly silent. Everyone was looking at the two brothers in shock, even Tauriel. Fíli dropped his gaze to the ground once more, but then looked back up at his brother. "Yes," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Yes, I have felt it, too."

Suddenly everyone was on their feet, speaking at once. Tauriel caught Kíli's gaze through the chaos in the room. _I'm sorry I didn't tell you that part before_, he seemed to say with his eyes. Tauriel nodded to let him know it was alright.

Over the noise in the room, Gandalf's voice suddenly boomed, as if amplified by magic. Probably amplified by magic. "Silence!"

To Tauriel's surprise everyone obeyed and the dwarves all stood there, staring expectantly at the grey wizard who began pacing the room, stroking his beard. "Maybe… yes, it could be possible. What if…" he murmered. "But then again…" He stopped in front of Kíli. "Do you have any further proof for those claims?"

Kíli looked down. "No, I-"

"I believe that what he says could be true," a voice suddenly spoke up. It was the hobbit, Bilbo. No one had even been aware of him being in the room, quiet as he could be. He seemed to fumble for words when everyone stared at him, but then continued. "When- when I found the stone… before I gave it to Thorin, I could see what influence it holds over him. Could see it on his face. I remember thinking that he would be prepared to kill me to get his hands on it."

Gandalf looked at the small creature thoughtfully.

"I say we get on with it," the dwarf, whose name as Tauriel now remembered was Bofur, said into the silence in the room.

Balin shook his head. "It is insane that we are even discussing this. Have you forgotten what we took upon ourselves to find this jewel? All the hardships we endured, all the sorrow? We followed Thorin here to help him find it, to make him our king."

"Yes," Kíli said. "And look where it got us. Our king is only a mere shadow of himself, not in any state to rule. We need to stop this before it is too late. I know it may seem different now, but I really believe that this is the best for us, for our kingdom."

"You do not get to have a say in what is _best_ for us," Balin snarled. "Not after what you did."

Kíli drew himself up to his full height, towering over Balin. "Is there something you would like to tell me? If there is, we might as well get it over with now. Because we are wasting valuable time here. Thorin's time"

The older dwarf stared at him in defiance, but then drew back, deflated. "Yes, yes, I suppose you're right laddie. It's just so… what if this destroys everything that we have worked so hard to build? The other dwarves might not accept Thorin as king without the Arkenstone. That is why we began this quest in the first place, remember?"

Tauriel watched Kíli bite his lower lip, unsure how to reply to this. They had discussed this issue before, in private, but had not been able to come up with an answer. She knew that Kíli felt he did not know enough about the different camps that had formed amongst the dwarves at Erebor to figure out how to handle this particular issue. "As it is," he spoke slowly, "it looks like Thorin might not be King under the Mountain with or without the stone. I for one value his life more than his title."

"Aye, so do I," Fíli spoke up and came to stand beside his brother.

"Aye, me too." The words echoed through the room, the dwarves moving closer together. Tauriel could feel the intensity of this moment touch her, allowing her a glimpse of the fierce loyalty that those men, who had travelled all across Middle Earth together, united by one common quest, one common desire, one common king, felt for each other.

Kíli smiled at his brethren, visibly touched by their consent. Putting his hands onto the shoulders of Fíli and Balin, who stood next to him, he looked around at each of his companions. "Thank you for your trust. I'm glad we're on the same page here."

The others nodded, some of them leaning onto each other, mirroring his gesture. "So what do we do?" one of them, a very young dwarf, asked. Everybody looked to Kíli, but before he could say anything, Bilbo spoke up, pushing his way into the circle of dwarves.

"Please interrupt me if I am not making any sense at all," he said, making sure that he had everybody's attention. "But could we not simply exchange the stone? Swap it for another, huge, impressive jewel?"

Everybody just stared at the hobbit, utterly dumbstruck. Tauriel had to smile a little at the nerve of the small creature, stepping up in front of Thorin's company like this. But then again, he had probably had his share of experience with the dwarves.

After a couple of seconds of stunned silence, Gandalf broke into booming laughter. "Bilbo Baggins," he said, shaking his head. "Always trust a hobbit to surprise you when you least expect it."

Bilbo and some of the dwarves smiled, obviously insecure whether this was said in approval or ridicule of Bilbo's idea. And Tauriel could not judge this herself – too little did she know about this elusive stone, only what Kíli had told her. But she found that she liked Bilbo's unorthodox manner of thinking – unusual times called for unusual measures, after all. And if the events of the recent past did not qualify as unusual, then Tauriel did not know which would.

Tauriel looked at Kíli and saw that he was not among those smiling, looking at the hobbit intently instead. "Actually, this might not be such a terrible idea."

All heads turned towards him. "Are you serious, brother?" Fíli asked.

"Think about it," Kíli replied, looking around at his companions. "Most dwarves have never seen the stone in their lives, only heard grand tales of it. And those that have, have not seen it in ages. This mountain is full of gems, jewels, diamonds. Surely there has to be one magnificent enough to convince as the King's Jewel."

When nobody said anything, he continued. "The line of Durin has ruled this kingdom long before the Arkenstone was ever found. And it will continue to do so after it is gone – we might just have to… _tweakt_ history a little to make this happen." He grinned wryly.

"Do you really think we could pull this off?" Bofur asked.

Kíli shrugged. "If we do it right…" He fell silent and looked at the others seriously. "Regardless of what we do, none of this can _ever_ leave this room. We take this to our graves. Do we agree on this?"

The dwarves in the room nodded solemnly. Kíli looked at Gandalf. "What do you think of all this?"

The wizard stroked his long beard pensively, looking at Kíli with an unreadable expression on his face. "The fate of your line is of great concern to me. As is the peace amongst your people and those around you. Both seem endangered by the current situation and this suggests to me that measures need to be taken to change this. Right now this plan is all that we have."

"But what about the stone?" one of the dwarves spoke up. "Do you think it really has some kind of magic powers?"

"I would have to look into that," Gandalf said evasively, and Tauriel got the distinct feeling that he maybe knew more than he was letting on. He looked at the dwarves in the room and then his gaze came to rest on Kíli. "So you have arrived at an agreement that the Arkenstone should be removed?"

Kíli looked at his dwarven companions once more and, when no one spoke, turned towards Gandalf. "Yes. Will you help us – once again?"

Gandalf inclined his head. "We will do it tonight. Where is the stone now?"

Balin opened his mouth to speak, but Kíli beat him to it. "In Thorin's bedroom." When Balin looked at him curiously he added, "I told you I could feel it when it is close by. I only realized last night that I had been sensing its presence all day when I was with Thorin."

Balin nodded, frowning. "Thorin would never rest until we placed it close to his bed, in his nightstand."

"Which only further proves that the stone is what is causing all of this," Kíli said to the old dwarf, who nodded hesitantly, obviously still trying to come to terms with what they were about to do.

After observing the exchange between the two dwarves with great interest, Gandalf spoke again. "Kíli, Fíli, I want you with me tonight. You, too, Bilbo," he added, at which the hobbit jumped a little in surprise. "And you, Tauriel, if you do not mind."

Tauriel inclined her head in acknowledgement, secretly pleased that she was allowed to be involved in this. For one thing because she would not have to be apart from Kíli, would be able to help him carry the burden of this decision, which had – in essence – been his. And also because she might get a chance to make herself useful. Not like the day before when she had had to crush the hope in the eyes of the dwarves by telling them that, no, she was not a powerful Elven healer that would miraculously save their king. Merely a fool in love, who had done what her heart had told her to do, shared with a young dwarf what was only supposed to be shared amongst her own kind.

The dwarves stared at Tauriel in surprise, some of them clearly still struggling to understand why she was even _here_. Gandalf continued, not leaving any room for a discussion of his choice. "During the day you will all have to work on finding a placeholder for the stone. Make sure to do this stealthily. And once you have found one, bring it to me. I can help making it appear a little more… _kingly_."

"You mean with actual magic?" the young dwarf from before asked eagerly.

Gandalf raised both eyebrows at him. "You sound as if you doubt that I could do such a thing, Ori." At this the dwarf blushed and shook his head eagerly. Tauriel caught a humorous twinkle in Gandalf's eye. "So everyone is clear on what they are supposed to do?"

Everyone nodded. Then one of the dwarves spoke again. "I have one more question – how are we going to explain all of this to Thorin, if and when he gets better?"

Gandalf grimaced. "That I leave to you, my dear dwarves."

* * *

Tauriel slipped into Kíli's room and found him standing at his window, gazing out at the horizon where the sun was just about to set. She stepped up to his side and looked at him with concern. He seemed nervous, forlorn almost.

She sat down on the low window sill and looked up at him. "Are you ready?"

He flashed a slightly tortured grin at her. "I suppose I better had be."

Tauriel reached out to squeeze his hand. "Do not doubt yourself, Kíli. We are doing the right thing."

He looked at her. "I hope so. Because if this is a mistake, I do not know what will happen. What they will do to me. They will hate me forever."

She tugged at his hand and forced him to step closer. Reaching up, she cupped his face in both hands. "You thought that this was already the case when you came to me in Mirkwood, remember? And now look at you. The way you handled this very difficult situation today, the way they all listened to you – I'm very proud of you."

Over the top of her head, Kíli looked out at the sky once more and missed the sad smile that briefly flashed across Tauriel's face. Sad because she felt, more than ever, that he still belonged here at Erebor, belonged with his brethren, his family. Whereas she belonged nowhere anymore, had never really belonged anywhere to begin with.

But right now this was not about her - it was about Kíli and his family. And she would stand by his side, hoping that if there was a happy end to this whole business with the Arkenstone, there was also a happy end in store for the two of them. Pulling his face down towards hers, she forced him to look her in the eye once more. "Have faith in yourself," she said before pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

Kíli pulled her against him, deepening the kiss for a few moments. When they broke apart he leaned his forehead against hers. "Let's go," he said, but neither of them moved for another few minutes. Only when the light in the room was beginning to fade did they both straighten up and made to leave the room. Before they stepped through the door, Kíli took Tauriel's hand in his. She looked at him questioningly, but he merely tightened his grip on her hand and opened the door, pulling her with him into the hallway. It seemed that, right now, he needed her support more than he needed the discretion that they had so carefully upheld these past two days.

* * *

_Make me very happy and leave a quick review ;)_


	22. Chapter 21

_Author's note: As promised, another chapter. Thank you for your lovely reviews for the last one! We are drawing closer to the end - I estimate that there are three or four chapters left. But I have already decided that there will be a sequel :) So don't be surprised or frustrated if I leave some things open along the way, I do this deliberately. Happy reading! _

_Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit._

* * *

**Chapter XXI**

Walking down the long corridors with Tauriel at his side, Kíli was overcome by a feeling as if he was headed towards his own execution. He did not know where this was coming from, but suddenly everything – this whole plan, his own involvement in it – seemed to be afflicted by a vague sense of impending doom.

He tried to concentrate on Tauriel's presence, to focus on her light instead of the dark that was beginning to hover at the edges of his vision. His feet felt heavy as lead and it seemed as if he was walking forward, but making no progress at all.

They met Gandalf, Bilbo and Fíli at Thorin's private quarters. Kíli wondered if he looked like his brother did – pale, tense – and concluded that this was probably the case. He did not know if this was a coincidence or Gandalf's doing, but the corridors were all deserted and an eerie silence seemed to lie over this part of the mountain.

Gandalf nodded to Tauriel and Kíli as they approached, his gaze briefly flickering across their still joined hands. Then he wordlessly pushed the door to Thorin's bedroom open, holding it open for the four of them to pass through. Casting another glance down the corridor, he followed them inside and closed the door, securing it with a bolt.

"I made sure we will not be disturbed," he said, turning to face them.

No one said anything for a moment, all of them waiting for Gandalf's directions. When they did not come, Fíli spoke up. "So, what do we do?" Kíli could tell from the frown on his brother's face that he did not entirely understand why he was even here. Neither did he, for that matter.

Gandalf hesitated for a split second and then looked at Bilbo. "Did you bring the placeholder as I told you to?"

The hobbit nodded and only now did Kíli notice a bundle that he held tucked under his arm. Slowly unwrapping it, Bilbo produced a rather large, white stone that had been cut and polished to perfection. The two dwarves in the room gazed at the stone with doubt. It was very impressive indeed – but not a rival for the Arkenstone's sublime beauty by a long way.

Gandalf took the stone from Bilbo's hands and enclosed it with his long, slim fingers. Lifting the stone closer to his face he appeared to whisper something to it in a tongue that Kíli did not understand and had never heard before. Then the grey wizard blew tenderly onto the surface of the stone and Kíli's eyes went wide with amazement when he saw the stone begin to glow. It was like watching it come alive with light.

Kíli's expression was mirrored by the three other occupants in the room and Gandalf almost looked a little smug when he lowered his hands and looked at each of them. "Do you think this will suffice?"

"Yes, yes, it just might," Fíli mumbled, unable to take his eyes of the brightly shining jewel. "How long will this last?"

"Forever if you continue to see it the way it is now and pass this feeling on to others," Gandalf replied. When everyone looked at him with confusion he added, "It is not so much the stone that is touched by magic, but the way that you perceive it. And the mind is much more powerful and enduring than any object could ever be, magic or no magic."

Kíli did not entirely understand what Gandalf was trying to tell them, but he would not complain as long as this worked – and right now it seemed as if it could. "What now?" he asked Gandalf and frowned when the wizard held the fake Arkenstone out to him.

"Please bring me the real stone now, Kíli," he said. "Exchange it for this one."

Kíli wanted to ask why he should be the one to do this, but then he just shrugged and accepted the placeholder stone from Gandalf. It felt cool and heavy in his hands, not warm as the light radiating from it might suggest. He could feel his heart begin to beat nervously in his chest when he wondered what the Arkenstone would feel like when he would be taking it into his hands in a few seconds.

Heading over towards Thorin's nightstand he had to be careful in order for the fake stone not to slip from his hands that had suddenly begun to grow sweaty. He thought he saw Thorin move on the bed when he was just about to pull the drawer open, but when he looked up at him, he lay completely still, only the rise and fall of his chest telling him that he was really still alive. Pulling the drawer out inch by inch, Kíli held his breath. And there it was, the Arkenstone. He looked down at it for a couple of seconds, awed by its sheer beauty. Then he felt like he could not move fast enough and quickly slipped the fake stone into the drawer to be able to wrap his now free hands around this precious jewel.

That was when it hit him. This whole idea of getting rid of the stone, it was madness, idiocy. What on earth had led him to believe that this stone, this magnificent, unearthly treasure could have an evil influence over his uncle? Thorin was not worthy of having it, _that_ was how it was. The stone belonged with him, him only, and whoever tried to take it from him was a traitor, an enemy. They would all kneel before him when he held the stone, and those who refused to do so would be punished, would be…

A high-pitched clink echoed in Kíli's ears and for a moment the air was knocked from his lungs when he fell to the ground on his knees. The Arkenstone rolled away from him on the floor.

"Kíli!" Tauriel cried and rushed to his side, falling on her knees beside him. With her hands she searched his body, checking for any harm. His hands were shaking badly, but he managed to wrap them around hers, stilling her movements. He could feel that she, too, was trembling and he tried his best to reassure her.

"It's ok, I'm fine," he said, although he felt far from fine. He could feel cold sweat breaking out on his forehead and his throat felt like sandpaper. "What was that?" he asked, looking up at Gandalf across the room.

The old wizard looked down at the Arkenstone that now lay right in front of his feet. "The final proof that I needed in order to go ahead with this," he answered. He took the piece of cloth in which Bilbo had brought the placeholder stone and swept down to cover the Arkenstone with it, wrapping it securely before picking it up.

"You knew that something like this would happen," Tauriel exclaimed indignantly. "Why did you-"

"It's alright," Kíli interrupted her. "I understand."

Tauriel looked at him with worry in her eyes, but did not continue. To Gandalf Kíli said, "What are you going to do with it?"

Gandalf looked at him for a long moment. "I think it is better for you if you do not know."

Kíli looked down at the floor, feeling anger rise inside of him. But he knew now that this was not his own anger – it was the stone that was making him feel like this. So he took a deep breath and tried to push the feeling and the dark thoughts that came with it away, not quite daring to look at Gandalf and the stone he was holding. "No, I guess that is true," he mumbled.

"I will return before the break of dawn," Gandalf said, grabbing his staff that leaned against the wall next to the door. "Stay with Thorin, observe closely whether there is any change. Tauriel, a word please before I depart."

Kíli saw Tauriel look at Gandalf in surprise and hesitate, but then she got up from where she was still crouched on the floor beside Kíli and walked over to him. Gandalf spoke to her in a lowered voice and Kíli watched her nod repeatedly. He looked over at his brother, who was staring at Gandalf and the bundle that he carried with the strangest of expressions written across his face. "Fíli," he said, drawing his attention away from the wizard and towards himself.

Fíli looked at him and Kíli slowly shook his head, telling him with his eyes to let it go. To let the stone go. Fíli looked like he wanted to protest, but then he sank back into himself, all energy visibly draining from his stance.

Tauriel came back to stand beside Kíli who had gotten up from the floor in the meantime, feeling slightly dizzy. Gandalf looked at both Kíli and Fíli with concern in his eyes before addressing Bilbo. "Walk me to the gates if you don't mind, dear Bilbo." Bilbo consented, casting one last worried glance at Thorin, who still lay on the bed, unmoving, and without further ado the hobbit and the wizard disappeared through the door, pulling it shut behind them.

Kíli looked at his two companions, the two people he loved most in this world, and tried to swallow against the urge to follow Gandalf, to rip the Arkenstone from his undeserving hands, by reminding himself that everything he needed was right here with him, in this room.

* * *

Kíli sat in a chair beside his uncle's bed, looking at Thorin in the dim candlelight. No change yet. His eyes were beginning to grow tired, the warmth in the room making him feel drowsy. With every blink he allowed his eyes to stay closed for a little while longer, telling himself that he just needed to relax for a couple of seconds.

His eyes shot open when Tauriel wrapped her arms around him from behind. "You should get some sleep," she whispered in order not to wake Fíli, who was softly snoring in his own chair on the other side of Thorin's bed. "We can bring in one of the others to watch him."

He covered her hands with his and turned his head to press a kiss to her cheek. "No. I want to stay here." When she looked at him in concern he added, "Don't worry. I'm _fine_." He simply wished for everyone involved to forget about what had happened earlier that night. To forget how weak he had been.

But Tauriel would not have that. "No, you're not, anyone could see that."

He shrugged out of her embrace and leaned forward in his chair, putting his head in his hands. He felt embarrassed. After giving such great speeches about the danger of the Arkenstone, why did he have to be such a fool and let it get to him, let it surprise him in a weak moment.

Tauriel crouched on the floor beside his chair. "Please talk to me. Tell me what happened earlier. Allow me to understand."

Kíli did not speak for a while. When he did, he kept his eyes fixed on the face of his sleeping uncle. "I thought I understood what had happened to him, thought I had figured it all out. But I didn't, not really. Not until I touched the stone."

He shuddered. Tauriel put her hand on his back, her touch warm and comforting. He took a deep breath and looked at her. "It was awful, Tauriel. I could feel it mess with my head, mess with my _heart_. I-" he hung his head low, staring at the sheets on Thorin's bed. "I did not know that I could feel such loathing, such hatred."

Tauriel edged a little closer, cupping his face with hand and forcing him to look at her. "This was not you," she said emphatically. "You are the warmest, most caring person I have ever met. Greed and hate do not touch your heart."

"What if that is not true?" Kíli returned. "What if the stone only brought to light was has lain hidden until now? Or how do you explain the fact that the stone had such an immediate, drastic effect upon me?"

Tauriel smiled sadly. "Do not torture yourself with such thoughts, _melamin_. Maybe the stone sensed what we were planning and reacted accordingly. Who knows what it is capable of." She shivered, her eyes growing distant. "It is a very powerful artifact, I could feel that. I do not know where it draws its power from, but its light is treacherous – it is tainted by darkness." When Kíli still looked doubtful she added, "All I know for sure is that you pushed it away on your own accord, blocked its influence. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for."

Kíli looked at her, touched by her kind words and her concern for him. He took one of her hands in his and pressed a kiss to it. Then he looked at his uncle once more. "Do you think he will have that strength, too?" He thought Thorin _looked_ a little better, despite the fact that he had not moved or given any other signs of change.

Tauriel thoughtfully gazed at the unconscious dwarf king before her. "I believe so. The shadow that lay upon him is lifting. I think he just needs a little more time – time to sleep, time to heal." Kíli watched her shiver slightly once again. "I just hope that he will find his way back to us eventually."

Kíli squeezed her hand. He knew she was thinking about how she had gotten lost in her own dreams. "You came back, too."

She smiled at him. "I did. But I had you to guide me. I wasn't alone."

Kíli looked down at his uncle. "Who knows?" he said. "Maybe he is not alone either."

"I hope for him that he is not. That he is as lucky as I was," she said, pulling Kíli's head down towards hers, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

* * *

Sleeping in a chair, slumped forward with your head resting on someone else's bed was not such a good idea, Kíli realized when he awoke and felt like he could not move at all for a few seconds. When he finally managed to sort out his limbs and push himself back up into a sitting position, he noticed that the pale light of dawn was beginning to seep through the heavy curtains. The candles had died and Kíli shivered slightly at the chilly air that early morning always brought.

He jumped in surprise when his eyes came to rest on Gandalf, who was sitting in the chair that Fíli had occupied before, staring at him.

"Wh- where are the others?" he asked, slightly unsettled by finding himself in the present situation.

"I sent Fíli to bring the rest of your company up to date," the wizard replied casually. "Your Elven companion went to find some breakfast."

"Oh," Kíli replied lamely, not really knowing what to say to the wizard. He did not want to ask after the stone, did not want to show that it was still on his mind, no matter how hard he tried to suppress any thought that had to do with it. He looked at Thorin instead. "There has been no change yet," he informed Gandalf, who nodded.

"Give it some time. After the events of last night, I believe we did the right thing and this will help Thorin." When Kíli did not reply, Gandalf leaned forward in his chair, looking at him intently. "You did well those past few days, Kíli. Did your family a great service and possibly prevented much greater harm than was already done. You should be proud of yourself."

Kíli dropped his gaze. "I suppose there are many who would disagree with you on this. Many who will not forget so easily that I deserted this family."

Gandalf made a hrmphing sound and leaned back in his chair once more. "That might be true," he said. "But I believe you didn't have much of a choice in that matter, did you?"

Kíli looked up at the grey wizard, startled by his words. "I- I don't think I did, no… But it surprises me that you would see it that way, too."

Gandalf looked at him thoughtfully. "The kind of bond that you and Tauriel have is something very rare, very unusual," he finally said. "Many would also say very inappropriate."

Kíli frowned and was about to return something, but Gandalf cut him off. "Don't worry. I am not one of them. In fact, I believe that what the two of you have is of great importance in times such as this, when the dark forces in this world are gaining in strength ever so slowly. Love. _Hope_."

Kíli just looked at him thoughtfully. "When Tauriel said that she could not heal Thorin and you said that this explained a lot – what did you mean by that?"

Gandalf smiled. "Did you ask Tauriel about that?"

Kíli shook his head. "No, I didn't."

"Because you already know the answer." Gandalf did not phrase this as a question.

Kíli hesitated. "When she came to me… when she healed me, I could feel her in ways that go beyond anything I have ever felt. Like we were one. Her energy, her light – it was around me, inside of me, _part_ of me, all at once."

The wizard nodded. "What she did… you see, she shared part of herself with you. Passed on some of her own life force to bring you back, to help you. Such an action, such _devotion_, creates a bond that can never be untied, never be undone."

Kíli frowned. "Are you saying that we only feel what we feel because of what she did for me? That this is merely some kind of Elven magic, nothing _real_?"

Gandalf shook his head. "No. No, indeed not. Tauriel would not have been able to help you without the two of you being drawn towards each other in the first place. Her actions merely strengthened that bond that already existed between you. Strengthened it beyond belief. The only bond stronger than this kind would be one where something where her gift to you was reciprocated, where something was given to her in return, something of yours."

Kíli swallowed. The runestone. Did that qualify as something of his? Something to complete their bond?

His thoughts must have registered on his face because Gandalf leaned forward in his chair once more. "But you did, didn't you? Give something back in return?"

Kíli evaded his gaze. "If I did, what would that mean? That we are _married_ or something?" The thought seemed shocking and intriguing at the same time.

Gandalf chuckled. "No, no, that is not what this means. Marriage is only a custom, a ritual. What ties you together goes far beyond that. That is why I said you had no choice when you left here."

Kíli remained silent, stunned. It was not as if he had not himself felt many times that his relationship with Tauriel was special, went far beyond the ordinary. But to hear this confirmed by another person was something else entirely. He frowned. Maybe this was the explanation for this whole business with their dreams. Maybe this was why they had been able to share those experiences with each other.

Gandalf cleared his throat. "I know that this is not really any of my business, but I _am_ curious… has this connection manifested itself in any way? Did something happen that struck you as out of the ordinary?"

Kíli laughed at that. "It seems as if every single moment is very extraordinary nowadays, full of surprises." Then he fell silent again, his expression turning more serious. Should he tell Gandalf? Try to find out more about this mystery? He made to speak, but before he got out a single word the door opened and Tauriel stepped inside, carrying a tray onto which she had piled some food.

Kíli's stomach growled – he had not realized until now that he was so hungry. Since they had arrived at Erebor he had only eaten little, preoccupied as he had been with helping his uncle. He smiled brightly at Tauriel.

Tauriel returned his smile a little hesitantly, looking from him to Gandalf with uncertainty. "I hope I am not interrupting."

Gandalf chuckled as he took in the happy smile on Kíli's face. "No, no, you're not. I was just about to leave anyway."

The wizard rose from his chair while Tauriel made her way over to a table on the other side of the room where she put down the tray she was carrying.

"We can speak more later, if you want to," Gandalf said to Kíli, who had also risen from his chair.

Kíli – feeling Tauriel's eyes on his back - wanted to tell the wizard that this would not be necessary, but was interrupted by a commotion that had suddenly erupted on the other side of the door to Thorin's bed room. Three heads – elf, dwarf and wizard – turned towards the door in surprise.

"Do not dare to try and tell _me_ what to do," an agitated female voice came through the door.

When it burst open, two dwarves – Óri and Bifur – and one dwarf-woman tumbled through.

Kíli's jaw dropped in surprise when his mind registered what his eyes were seeing.

"Mother!"

* * *

_Whoops, another plot twist. I know it might not really seem logical that Dís shows up so soon after Thorin and the others have arrived at Erebor, but I'll address that eventually.  
_

_Please review!_


	23. Chapter 22

_Author's note: Thank you for leaving such nice comments! Knowing that you are out there, enjoying this story, makes writing go sooo much more smoothly. This chapter here was very difficult to write and I'm not sure I'm entirely happy with how it turned out. But I'll let you judge that - hope it all makes sense! Not so much Kíliel action here, but there will be in the next chapter._

_Disclaimer: The Hobbit does not belong to me._

* * *

**Chapter XXII**

Tauriel stared at the dwarf-woman whom Kíli had just identified as his mother with open curiosity. Never had she seen a female dwarf up close. Since they had arrived at Erebor she had caught glimpses of the few other dwarf-women that currently populated the city below the mountain, but, painfully aware that during those encounters she herself was the one being stared at, Tauriel had always hurried past quickly, suddenly self-conscious.

Now that she finally had a chance to get a good look at one of the female members of Kíli's race she was fascinated by the – for what her Elven eyes were used to – unusual and raw beauty that radiated off the dwarf-woman who had just barged into the room. She seemed strong, fierce, like a warrior. At the same time she possessed an inherent gracefulness and gentleness, her love for her sons written all over her face. Aside from a few very particular physical traits that had always drawn Tauriel to Kíli irresistibly, but which she was unable to entirely put her finger on, he resembled his mother, whose name Tauriel knew to be Dís, greatly. They shared the same hair, same eyes, same skin, and – Tauriel bit down on her lip to keep herself from smiling – beard.

Dís marched into the room purposefully, pushing Gandalf, who looked mildly amused, out of the way. As she advanced upon Kíli, Tauriel thought for a moment she might slap him - and both the look in his eyes and the way he ducked his head suggested that so did he. But instead she reached out and crushed him to her bosom, whispering words which Tauriel did not understand – but she did not have to, their meaning were clear. _You are alive. You survived. My son has been returned to me._

When she let go of her youngest son, Dís held him at arm's length, studying his face, checking for any damage. She frowned a little when she gazed into his eyes and seemed about to remark something when Gandalf cleared his throat.

"I will leave you to it," he said making for the door, "I am sure there is a lot you need to discuss."

At that Dís immediately flared up again. "Oooh no, you won't. Neither of you leaves here, not before you have explained to me the meaning of all this-" She vaguely gestured around the room with her hands, looking from her son to Thorin on the bed. Tauriel flinched when she so suddenly raised her voice to command Gandalf to stay and took a half-step back, knocking over an empty cup which she had previously placed onto the table behind her. The angry dwarf-woman whirled around when she heard the noise and noticed Tauriel on the other side of the room for the first time, her eyes narrowing in confusion. "And this!" she exclaimed, making Tauriel flinch once more and quickly lower her gaze to the floor.

"Mother!" Kíli cried indignantly when Dís addressed Tauriel like that and she turned back around to look at him, before returning her gaze to Tauriel, her expression softening.

"I am sorry, love, I did not mean it like that." Tauriel accepted her apology with a nervous nod. Dís looked from her to Gandalf to Kíli. "I just don't understand any of this. Dwarves are quarrelling over who should be King under the Mountain, my brother is afflicted by some kind of disease no one really wants to tell me about… what mess have you gotten yourselves in, Kíli?"

Kíli bit his lip, looking at Thorin. "It will all be made right soon, mother. I… I cannot tell you everything that has happened right now, but I promise you, you'll understand everything eventually." He looked at Tauriel and paused, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. "As for Tauriel… she's with me."

Tauriel's heart jumped into her throat. This she had not expected. Neither had Dís as it seemed – how could she have?

"With you?" she asked, completely dumbfounded.

"Yes, with me," Kíli replied and smiled at Tauriel, who also blushed slightly, but returned his smile. If he could stand up for their relationship – in front of his mother no less – then so should she. It was time. Too much had happened for them to continue sneaking around everyone's back any longer. She did not think that anyone really believed them anymore either way.

After a moment of stunned silence, Dís broke into slightly hysterical laughter. She sank down on one of the chairs next to Thorin's bed, wiping tears from her eyes. Kíli and Tauriel looked at each other in concern.

"_With you_," Dís said again, gasping for air. "I suppose I should be surprised, but I can't say I am, son. You were always –" she broke off, shaking with laughter. "You were always-" she tried again, but this time she was interrupted by another voice, barely above a whisper.

"Little sister, is that your laugh that I am hearing? How- how is this possible?"

"Thorin!" several people in the room exclaimed simultaneously. Kíli and Dís rushed to his side, as did the two dwarves that had been with Dís and Gandalf. Tauriel took care to melt into the background, figuring that it might not be so good if one of first things Thorin saw when he regained consciousness was an elf in his bedroom.

"Thorin," Dís said again, reaching for her brother's hand. "Can you hear me?"

Tauriel could see the dwarf king struggle to keep his eyes open, but then he smiled, looking at his younger sister tenderly. "Of course I can hear you, even though I cannot quite believe my ears, nor my eyes. What are you doing here? And what is so funny?"

Dís returned his smile, slightly tearful. She looked at Kíli across from her, who also smiled, but shook his head almost imperceptibly. "Nothing really," Dís thus said in answer to Thorin's last question and continued to look at him happily.

Thorin turned his head and looked at Kíli, frowning. "What is going on? What happened?"

Kíli perched on the edge of the bed as his uncle pulled himself up into a sitting position, the haze in eyes clearing gradually. After a couple of seconds of thoughtful silence, Kíli spoke, hesitantly. "What… what do you remember?" Tauriel could sense the trepidation in his voice, brought about by the fact that no one could know to what degree Thorin had been himself during those past few weeks, to what extent he had been controlled by the Arkenstone.

The dark-haired dwarf king seemed about to respond, but then paused, frowning. "I… everything is a bit… foggy, I suppose," he then said, visibly struggling to sort through his thoughts. "There's… I remember being angry… _very_ angry. At everyone and everything." He looked at Kíli, his frown deepening. "At you in particular. What would I be angry at you for, Kíli?"

Kíli looked away, hiding the pain that those memories had to bring him. Tauriel's heart ached for him and she wished that she could help him through this, but it was something that he had to do on his own – she might only make matters worse if she got involved now. He seemed just about to reply when Gandalf jumped in.

"You were not yourself lately, Thorin. I have seen it with my own eyes – we were all very worried about you."

Thorin looked at him, horrified. "What happened to me? What did I do?"

Gandalf hesitated before continuing. "It seems that you were… _influenced_."

"Influenced?" Thorin exclaimed, his voice cracking slightly. He broke off, coughing, still weakened from what his mind and body had been put through. Then he looked around at the people gathered around his bed. "Would someone please tell me what is going on? Gandalf, what are you speaking off?"

"That's what I would like to know, too," Dís muttered, looking from Gandalf to Kíli with raised eyebrows.

Kíli nodded to Gandalf, asking him silently to continue. The wizard sighed. And so he told Thorin. Told him how, over the past couple of weeks, he had been deteriorating slowly until his final collapse a few days before.

When he paused, Thorin stared at him, the expression on his face one of utter desolation. "So they were all right," he said, his voice hollow. "Madness. It runs in my family. It has destroyed this kingdom once and now it will do so again.

"No," Kíli quickly interrupted him. "No, Thorin. We stopped it. Stopped it from taking over control completely. Don't you feel it? Don't you feel much better?"

Thorin blinked. "Yes… I feel… much _lighter _somehow." Then he frowned and looked from Kíli to Gandalf and back, his expression growing vaguely horrified. "What did you do?"

Kíli bit his lip while Gandalf sighed. "You are not going to like this, but understand that we did not have much of a choice."

"_What did you do?_" Thorin repeated, his voice strained. He tried to sit up further but then sank back into his pillows when the effort seemed to be too much at the moment.

Now it was Kíli's turn to sigh. Then, after a long pause, he reached out and pulled open the drawer of the nightstand. With curiosity and confusion written across their faces, everyone except for Gandalf and Tauriel watched him reach inside and gingerly pull out its content. Tauriel wished she could simply disappear into the wall she was leaning against, and Gandalf looked as if he, too, longed to vanish into thin air at this very moment.

Carefully Kíli placed the stone that was from now on to pass as the Arkenstone even though it was only an ordinary jewel – pretty, but ordinary – onto the polished wooden top of Thorin's nightstand.

Dís gasped when she laid eyes on it. "Is that-"

"No, it's not," Thorin immediately interrupted her, frowning. To Kíli he said, "What is that supposed to tell me? What _is _this?"

Tauriel watched Kíli take a deep breath. "The Arkenstone," he then said.

Thorin gave an incredulous laugh which quickly turned into another cough. "No, I believe not. I do not know what kind of game you are playing here, but please stop now. Where is the real stone?"

Kíli raised his eyes to look his uncle in the eye. "Gone."

Thorin blinked. "Gone," he repeated flatly. Tauriel glanced at him from her corner of the room, still trying to remain unseen. She saw a broad range of emotions wash across the dwarf kings face – confusion, shock, loss, anger – a lot of anger – fear and something else, something Tauriel could not quite put her finger on. At the back of her mind she wondered what she would do if he were to attack Kíli after this revelation. Should she intervene or stay out of this whole business, let them sort it out for themselves?

But before Thorin could do anything, Gandalf took a preemptive strike by stepping forward and speaking in a persistent voice. "Listen to me Thorin. It was the stone that caused all of this – caused you to fall ill. And possibly also your grandfather before you. I did not entirely believe it myself until I saw what it could do with my own eyes. We had no choice but to remove it. Permanently."

Thorin let his head fall back against the headboard of his bed and stared at the high ceiling. "And am I right to assume that this – _thing_ – here is now supposed to convince everyone as the Arkenstone? To ensure my reign over this kingdom? To ensure our peace?" he spoke through his teeth.

"I think it looks quite magnificent," Óri, who had until now kept to the background with Bifur, threw in, obviously trying to be helpful.

Thorin looked him, probably taking note of his presence for the first time since waking up. "You knew about this, too? Who else knows?" He sounded extremely distressed.

"Only those who love you most, Thorin" Gandalf answered. "They all took on a great risk to help you. Kíli especially."

Thorin turned his head in Kíli's direction. "This was your idea?" he asked, his voice hollow.

Tauriel's heart ached when she saw Kíli's shoulder's droop as he nodded in confirmation of his uncle's question.

"Out. Everyone - out!" Thorin suddenly commanded, making everyone flinch at the unexpected volume of his previously rather weak voice. "No, not you," he added, when Kíli moved to leave the side of his bed, causing Kíli to slump back onto the edge of the mattress in defeat.

The other dwarves left immediately, although Dís went hesitantly, clearly unsure whether she should really leave her son alone with her very upset brother. Tauriel tried to catch Kíli's eye, but he did not look up and she took that as a sign that it would be better if she, too, left. And so she fell into step beside Gandalf, who, conveniently, but probably not entirely coincidentally, shielded her from Thorin's gaze on their way out, hoping that her love would be returned to her in one piece after the conversation he was about to have with his uncle.

* * *

The silence in Thorin's room after the door clicked shut behind the others felt oppressive to Kíli and made his ears ring with a nasty, high-pitched sound. This felt a little bit as it had when he had been very young and his mother – at a loss at how to discipline him for whatever mischief he had gotten involved in – had sent him to his uncle to decide over his punishment. Only much, much worse.

He did not know what to say to explain all of this, did not know how he could make his uncle understand that they did not have a choice. "Look Thorin, I know this may sound awful to you right now, but it was really the only thing we could do. We just wanted to save you. _I _wanted to save you."

When he finished speaking, he dared to lift his eyes to look at his uncle. Thorin looked right back at him, sternly, steadily, and they sat like that for what seemed to Kíli a long time. When Thorin suddenly shifted in his position on the bed, Kíli flinched slightly, thinking that he might punch him or something like that. But for what happened then he had not been prepared in the slightest. Thorin – struggling to sit up – reached out and grabbed him by his shoulders, clasping him firmly to his chest in a tight embrace.

"Thank you," his uncle whispered to him, "thank you for making them take that horrid thing away. Thank you for saving my life."

Kíli pulled out of his uncle's embrace and stared at him in shock, completely speechless for a few seconds. When he found his voice again, he stammered, "I- I don't understand. I thought you…" He trailed off, not really knowing what to say.

"Thought I loved the stone?" Thorin continued for him. "Yes, that is probably true. And I hate it just as much."

Kíli looked at him with wide eyes. "Then you knew what it was doing to you?"

Thorin thought about this for a moment. "No," he then said, "not quite. But what I knew was that it was making my life utterly miserable, turning me away from the ones that I love. Sowing hate and distrust where there should be friendship and loyalty. I tried to block its influence, but at the same time I was drawn to the stone even more strongly. I simply _couldn't_ leave it out my sight. And then everything becomes sort of blurry…"

Kíli nodded. "Give it some time. I am sure some things will come back to you eventually." Only he was not so sure whether he wanted them to, whether wanted his uncle to remember everything that had passed between them.

Thorin chuckled, dryly. "Right now there are only two things I want. One is to hold the stone in my hands again and protect it with my life against everyone who wants to take it away from me. The other is to never have to be even remotely close to it again, to know that wherever it is now, it will never touch me again."

Kíli shuddered. "I understand this feeling better than you probably think I do." When Thorin looked at him questioningly, he added, "You are not the only one who was touched by its power."

Thorin's eyebrows shot up. "You, too?"

Kíli nodded. "Aye. Only briefly though. Gandalf needed proof."

Thorin nodded gravely. "I am not sure whether I should be relieved or worried that I am apparently not the only one prone to its influence."

Kíli shrugged. "I did not realize until two days ago that I could _feel_ something whenever I was near the stone. That is how I figured it out. Fíli feels it too, by the way."

"Hm." Thorin frowned. "Seems like it _is_ true that this is something that runs in my family then."

"I don't know," Kíli said vaguely. "But it does not matter now, does it? The threat has been removed. And once things have settled down, everything can go back to the way it was."

"Yes. Thanks to you." Thorin smiled at him, the first genuine smile that Kíli had seen on his face since that fateful day in Laketown.

"I am glad that you are not angry with me for what I did," Kíli said, his voice choking with emotion when he looked at his uncle and saw only love and gratitude in his eyes. If only this could last, if only they could go back to the way things were between them before any of this happened. But he would have to crush his uncle's faith in him and he would have to do it soon. Thorin needed to know everything, needed to remember.

As if his uncle had read his thoughts, his smile suddenly turned into a frown. "No, I am not angry at you. But… but I was before, right? We- we were arguing, weren't we? Arguing a lot…"

Kíli dropped his gaze, resigned to his fate. Here it came. "Well…," he said, drawing out the moments before Thorin would learn the full truth. "You were… you stopped trusting me somehow. Saw something in me that made you think I was not loyal to our cause anymore."

Thorin looked pained at that. "Yes, yes I remember. I remember feeling so…" he shuddered and did not finish his sentence. He leaned forward and caught Kíli's lowered gaze. "But this was only the stone. I am sorry if my actions hurt you – as I said, the stone planted suspicion in my heart. No one appeared trustworthy anymore."

Kíli looked at his uncle for a moment, but then tore his eyes away and got up from the bed, walking a few steps into the room. "That is not all that has happened however," he said, turning back around to face Thorin.

"What are you-" Thorin broke off and Kíli could see from the look on his face that things were beginning to come back to him. That the pieces of the puzzle were beginning to put themselves together in his mind. "You went away, didn't you? That is why I was so angry." He looked at Kíli. "_I_ drove you away from here. Kíli, I am so sorry-"

"No," Kíli quickly interrupted him, feeling terrible. "No, I left on my own accord. For reasons that had nothing to do with you – at least not directly."

Thorin looked puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

Kíli sighed. This was proving more difficult than he had imagined – in his mind it had been a raging, accusing Thorin he had been confronted with, not one that was apologetic and blamed himself for what had happened. "Do you remember why it was that you did not trust me anymore? What made you doubt my loyalty to you and to this kingdom?"

Thorin mulled this over for a few moments. "I… I think it had something to do with- with Elves? No, that can't be right…" He looked at Kíli who stared at him intently. "It did? Yes… yes, I remember that I had gotten obsessed with the idea that you were in league with the Elves of Mirkwood. Which is nonsense of course, it was only the stone that induced me to think along such lines…"

When Kíli did not answer, but merely crossed his arms in front of his chest defensively and looked straight back at his uncle, pursing his lips, Thorin frowned. "It _was_ nonsense, wasn't it?"

"That I was 'in league' with the Elves? Yes, that was and is nonsense," Kíli replied. "That something ties me to them – or rather to one of them – is true however."

"What do you mean by that?" Thorin asked, looking horrified. "What did you do?"

Kíli walked over to one of the windows and looked out into the early morning sun. He hugged himself closely in order to keep his hands from shaking with nervousness. "On one day after the great battle, Legolas – Thranduil's son – came here and told me that one of his own was in danger. Tauriel, the elf who had saved my life when I fell sick from that poisoned arrow. I returned to Thranduil's halls with him in order to help her."

"You went to- Why, Kíli? Why would you do such a foolish thing? To repay your debt?" Kíli squeezed his eyes shut at the sheer disbelief in his uncle's voice. What was going to come now would be even harder for him to grasp.

"No. Or yes, but there is so much more to it." He turned around to face Thorin again. There was no more dancing around this. If he ever wanted to have a chance at living a life in which both Tauriel and his family had a place, he needed to get this over with now. No matter how much it hurt. "I love her, Thorin. And she me." Despite the awful situation he could not suppress the ghost of a smile when he said those words, the thought that she felt for him as he felt for her still surprising, still making his heart sing with joy.

"You _what_?" Thorin shot up from where he had lain back on his pillows. The sudden motion caused him to cough heavily, gasping for air.

Kíli quickly hurried to his side and handed him a glass of water from which he drank in careful sips. When his breathing had calmed down, Thorin sank back against his pillows, looking a little pale. "This is not some sick joke, is it? You are serious about this?"

Kíli sat back down on the bed. "Yes, completely serious," he replied, trying to keep his voice level, steady, trying to convey to his uncle that there was no point in questioning his feelings.

Thorin fixed him with a cold stare. "So what it going to happen now? You are going to live with Thranduil and his elves in Mirkwood?" His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Kíli replied with an ironic chuckle of his own. "No, by far not. If you think that Thranduil is any less adverse to this relationship than you are, you are very mistaken. I don't think that Tauriel can ever return to her home in the woods, he would not allow her to."

Thorin looked at him in surprise. "What do you mean, return? Where is she now?"

Kíli tried to keep calm, tried not to let his nervousness show. "She is right here. At Erebor. And she will not be going anywhere anytime soon – not unless I am."

Thorin sighed deeply, all energy drained from him for the moment. Then he looked at his nephew. "I will not pretend that I approve of this."

Kíli nodded. "I did not expect you to."

Throin turned his head away, looking out of his window. "And yet it does not change the fact that you came back and, essentially, saved my life. I will not forget this."

Once more, Kíli nodded. "I understand. I only wish for you to not see this as a betrayal, as me turning my back on the fate of my family. Because I would never do that. I just couldn't help it. _We_ couldn't help it." When Thorin did not reply but coughed again, he added, "You should rest now. I am sorry to have burdened you with all of this even though you are not well. I will send someone in to take care of you – and I am sure that Dís will not want to stay away for long."

Thorin smiled distractedly, but did not look at him again. And so Kíli moved away from his uncle's bed and left the room slowly, wondering whether he had just made everything better or much worse for Tauriel and himself.

* * *

_Thank you for reading! Please take a moment to review ;)_


	24. Chapter 23

_Author's note: I'm so glad you all enjoyed the last chapter - thank you for your feedback! I try my best to do justice to complex characters like Thorin and it makes me very happy to see that you like my portrayal of him._

_Here's some more - a very fluffy chapter which I hope you'll enjoy. There's also some slightly mature content._

_Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit or its characters._

* * *

**Chapter XXIII**

Once he had pulled the heavy door to Thorin's room shut behind him, Kíli leaned against it and closed his eyes, releasing a breath he had not known he was holding. After this conversation he felt like lying down, simply sleep and forget for a while about this whole, complicated mess.

"I see that you are still in one piece." His mother's voice caused him to open his eyes again. She stepped out of the shadows.

He smiled at her, but the gesture felt forced. He was so tired. "On the outside yes. Inside I feel torn into pieces." There really was no point in lying to his own mother, she would see right through him anyway.

Dís stepped forward and took one of his hands in both of hers when she saw him begin to falter, the emotional strain of those past few days taking its toll. "It is quite a mess that you have gotten yourself into, son."

"That is no news to me." He smiled wryly. "But it is worth it. _She_ is worth it," he added in a low voice.

"Is she?" Dís looked at him intently for a long moment, searching his eyes for something. She must have found what she was looking for because eventually she sighed and pulled him against her, patting the back of his head reassuringly. "It will all be alright. Sooner or later it will."

Kíli pulled out of her embrace and smiled at her, grateful for her attempt at reassurance. "Where did she go?" he asked. He had to find Tauriel, had to tell her that for the moment everything was sort of alright, that Thorin knew about her and for now appeared to – grudgingly – accept her presence at Erebor and her presence in his life.

"She went with the wizard." Dís grinned. "It did not look like she really wanted to go, but being alone with me must have seemed like the worse choice at the moment."

Kíli tried not to roll his eyes. "You _did_ come on a little strong in there. No wonder she's unnerved."

Dís was about to reply to this when they suddenly heard hurried footsteps echoing down the hallway. Then Fíli rounded the corner, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Mother!" he exclaimed as he hurried towards them. "People were saying that you were seen earlier, but I did not want to believe them."

"They were right, I'm afraid," Dís replied, laughing, and opened her arms, welcoming her first-born son in a joyful embrace. When she drew away to look at him properly, her eyes caught on the long scar on his face and she ran her hand along it gingerly. "Oh Fíli," she said. "I am so glad to see you are whole. Battered, but whole." Drawing him into her embrace again with one arm, she reached for Kíli with her free hand and hugged him close to her as well. "My sons," she whispered, a little tearful.

They stayed like that for a moment, the brothers allowing their mother this moment which they knew she needed right now. When he pulled away, Kíli looked at Fíli who gazed back at him, the slight awkwardness that Kíli felt at being so close reflected on his face. But as they looked at each other with their mother standing next to them, Kíli could feel something begin to break, the wall that misunderstandings and hurt feelings had built between them finally starting to crumble. As Kíli felt the sting of oncoming tears, he reached for his brother and crushed him against his chest. Fíli returned his embrace with equal fervor and Kíli knew right then and there that everything would truly be alright again between the two of them and that even if things could not go back to the way they had once been, they would always have each other's back.

Dís laughed when they pulled apart, both of them looking a little sheepish. "I am not even going to ask what this was about."

They just stood there, grinning at each other for a moment. Then Fíli frowned. "But what I don't understand, mother, is how you got here so quickly? We only arrived here a few weeks ago – surely you could not have made that journey in such a short time."

Dís shrugged, an impish smile playing around her lips. "I got tired of sitting around at home, anxiously waiting for news of the fate of my sons and brother to be delivered to my doorstep. Also, the wildest stories of the adventures of your company were beginning to arrive at the Blue Mountains and so me and some others decided to go on a little adventure of our own and see with our own eyes what had become of your quest. I did not believe half of those fantastic tales that I heard being passed around, but it seems that they actually fell short of some of the things that really happened." Here she looked pointedly at Kíli, who blushed.

Fíli chuckled. "A proper family reunion then." His smile darkened a little. "If Thorin would finally get better, that is."

Kíli looked at him in surprise, having quite forgotten that Fíli did not know that Thorin was awake.

"Oh, he's conscious. Woke up about half an hour ago," Dís returned. "If he is in any state to be visited after that little conversation that your brother had with him just a few minutes ago, I cannot judge though."

Fíli looked at Kíli with raised eyebrows. "He knows?"

Kíli nodded. "Everything." He sighed when Fíli's eyes widened, the bitter aftertaste that his conversation with his uncle had left still very present. "But go on in, both of you. I am sure he would like to see you."

"I suppose it is superfluous to ask if you won't come with us?" Now that they were all here, together, the air between the two brothers cleared, Fíli seemed reluctant to part ways again so soon.

Kíli shook his head sadly. "Probably not such a good idea right now. And in any way, I really need to go and talk to Tauriel."

He still felt a little apprehensive at being so open about his relationship with her, always expecting others to react negatively, disapprovingly. And so he was immensely grateful when Fíli merely nodded in acknowledgement and his mother patted his arm. "You do that, son," she simply said.

As the two of them quietly disappeared into Thorin's room and he set off down the corridor, Kíli thought that maybe – just maybe – things might be good with at least two of his three closest family members in the future. He tried not to expect too much right now, but could not stop his heart from giving small, happy jolt at that thought.

* * *

Once again, Tauriel found herself perched on the low, broad window sill in Kíli's room, looking out over the lands at the foot of the mountain. She found that she quite liked sitting there, high above everything else, the wind blowing sharply into her face through the open window. It was not the same thing as roaming the woods freely, the ground soft below the soles of her feet, but it was _something_.

After the earlier events she had come to Kíli's private quarters immediately, politely but determinedly shaking off Gandalf's attempts to draw her into a conversation. She knew he wanted to know more about her past, her connection to Thranduil. And her relationship with Kíli, of course. But Gandalf's curiosity would have to hold out a little longer, because right now she had too many other things on her mind.

So much had happened in only a few hours – Kíli's mother arriving. Thorin waking up, learning about the fate of the Arkenstone. And – probably by now – also about his nephew's relationship with her. Tauriel wondered what all of this meant for her and Kíli. Whether their relationship was really strong enough to stand against the opposition it was surely going to meet with. It had all seemed so easy when they had not yet arrived here, when they had sworn to each other to stay together no matter what in the loneliness of the forest.

Yes, she knew that he loved her with all his heart, knew that the bond between them could not easily be disrupted. And yet, every time she saw him with members of his family, members of his company, she could see clearly how much he loved them, too, and what pain it brought him to think that he was disappointing them, leaving them behind. And each time she thought about this, she could not help but wonder whether he was truly ready to live a life apart from those close to him. Whether it would not be better for him to stay here, at Erebor. But what did that mean for her? Could she stay here as well? Ah, who was she kidding. She would try anything to be with him, no matter how unhappy it made her. She just did not know if it would be wise of her to stay, if it might not end in tragedy to do so.

She looked out over the lands into the distance where the edge of Mirkwood was visible in the clear weather and shuddered. Thranduil was close – much closer than she felt comfortable with right now. She had not talked about this to Kíli when they had made the decision to turn around and go back to Erebor because she had not wanted to make things harder for him than they already were, but she was genuinely worried about remaining within her former king's reach for too long. She knew how dangerous he could be, especially when provoked. And a captain of his guard, one that he had favored for many years, disappearing right under his nose to be with a dwarf - the nephew of Thorin Oakenshield no less - would surely count as provocation in his eyes. Tauriel knew that for now she was quite safe – if you ignored the fact that she was guest in a kingdom whose king in all likelihood hated her for taking his nephew away from him – but she would not be so foolish and underestimate Thranduil's potential when it came to revenge.

Tauriel was torn from those dark thoughts when the door opened and Kíli poked his head inside, smiling in obvious relief when he saw her at the window.

She returned his smile a little nervously, trying to judge by the look on his face how his conversation with Thorin had gone.

He stepped closer to her and she swung her feet down from where they had been propped up on the window sill, turning to face him. Coming to stand in front of her, he immediately cupped her face with his hands and leaned down to capture her lips in a long kiss. As their lips touched she could feel some of the tension in his body evaporate, his body molding itself to hers as he gathered her even closer.

She inhaled deeply and felt, not for the first time, that she wanted to crawl into his skin, wanted to curl up inside of him, safe from everything and everyone in this world. When they broke their kiss she pressed her face into the soft patch of skin where his neck met his shoulder, reveling in the earthy, musky scent that was uniquely his.

She felt his voice reverberate with a low rumble in his chest when he spoke. "Do you want to get out of here? Just for the day."

She lifted her head and smiled at him. "Nothing more than that."

* * *

She felt glorious. Once again he made her body come alive with joys she had almost forgotten while being holed up in the mountain for what had only been a few days, but felt like an eternity. She threw back her head as his mouth traveled across her bare skin, tickling her deliciously in some places, making her gasp and tremble with desire in others.

They had barely spoken since they had left the mountain, both of them silenced by a sudden urgency to be with each other without anyone near, without any obstacles standing between them. Including clothing.

The land at the foot of the mountain was still mostly a desolate area, but if you walked into the right direction for a while, you came across a persistent little patch of green that had withstood the reign of Smaug. It was not a proper forest, but enough for the two of them to imagine themselves completely alone once more with no reason to hold back.

Tauriel could feel the desperate need in Kíli's touch and knew that this was brought about by whatever had passed between him and his family in the course of the day, but since he did not seem inclined to discuss this right now she would not complain because his desperation was driving them both to heights they had not experienced before, was making them touch each other in ways they had not dared to until now.

She allowed him to push her against a tree, letting her head fall back, feeling its rough bark graze the bare skin of her back. Together they slowly sank to the ground and he sat back on his heels, pulling her with him until she straddled him, taking him inside of her in one swift motion.

She gasped when his fingers dug into the flesh of her hips, pulling her impossibly closer, causing the most delicious friction against the sensitive parts of her body. Instinctively she closed her eyes, letting her head fall back, but with one hand Kíli cupped her jaw and pulled her face back towards his, making her look at him while they made love.

As she stared into his eyes while he slowly moved against her, she thought that she could see the totality of the universe reflected in his gaze, all the constellations in the sky clicking into place. Feeling slightly feverish with passion she pressed her forehead against his, never dropping her gaze. With a final shudder she collapsed against him, her body suddenly boneless beneath his hands.

When she sagged against him, Kíli lost balance and fell backwards onto the cold but soft, mossy ground, pushing himself even deeper into her, a last, low groan escaping his lips.

Tauriel pulled back slightly once both their breathing had calmed down a little and he brushed a loose strand of hair that fell into his face back behind her ear, the tenderness in his gaze causing tears to burn at the corners of her eyes.

"What is it?" he whispered hoarsely when he saw her eyes mist over.

She did not dare reply at that very moment because she knew that if she did, some things which she was trying to keep bottled up inside of her might break loose, might spoil this glorious moment.

Instead she rolled off of him, immediately feeling the loss of the warmth of his skin upon hers. Snuggling close to his side, she followed his gaze and looked at the pale blue sky above them, trying to imagine that they were actually lying under a canopy of stars, far, far away from here.

"Are you going to tell me what happened today?" she asked, not quite bearing to keep wondering what had transpired between him and his uncle any longer.

He smiled distractedly. "Well, the good news is that Thorin is not quite as unhappy about the Arkenstone being gone as we thought he would be. Turns out that he is actually pretty much aware of its danger."

Tauriel nodded. "This really is good news. It will make a lot of things much easier."

Kíli nodded in affirmation of her statement, but they both knew that what she was really asking was something different altogether.

He sighed. "About you and me…" She propped her head up on her arm, looking at him expectantly. "I suppose this still needs to be determined. For now we are fine – I think."

"So he knows now?"

Kíli smiled up at her and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "Knows that I love you and won't let you go anywhere unless I am coming, too, yes."

She smiled sweetly at him, his words bringing tears to her eyes once more. Considering everything that they been through together, considering this larger than life bond which they had both acknowledged a while ago, those few words should really not have much of an impact anymore, but for some reason they did. Tauriel had thought them in her head a great many times, but neither she nor he had ever spoken them aloud in front of each other.

Feeling slightly embarrassed about her sudden tearfulness, she lowered her head into the crook of his neck, pressing a kiss to his warm skin. "I love you, too," she whispered and felt his arms tighten around her in response, the sudden quickening of his heartbeat not escaping her.

They stayed like that for a while in comfortable silence.

"So what does what happened today mean for us?" Tauriel asked after a while, trying to keep her voice neutral. She did not want to push him into a decision about their future, wanted him to make up his own mind about the path they were going to choose.

He sighed. "The way things are right now, I suppose it would be better to stay for a little while longer, help to get Thorin back on his feet and back on the throne. If he'll let me that is," he added darkly.

When Tauriel did not reply for a while, he rolled onto his side and looked at her. "I'm sorry. I know this is not the way we imagined things to go."

She shook her head, trying to keep her face void of any trace of disappointment. "This is not your fault, Kíli. And we're fine for now, aren't we? You just said so yourself."

He looked at her and she could see in his eyes that he did not quite this act she was putting on. "I promise you that things will become easier gradually. People will get used to us. Fíli is finally coming around to the idea of you and me, I think. And my mother is really not as fierce as she might have seemed to you this morning."

He sounded so hopeful that Tauriel could really not have born to crush this by telling him of the fears that persisted at the back of her mind, keeping her always slightly on edge. So she kissed him and smiled, determined to be brave for him. "Let us just see how things go, alright? You do what you need to do and I'll make sure to help you in any way that I can."

He returned her smile and lifted her hands to his lips, kissing them. "Thank you. Really. I know that this is not as easy for you as you like to pretend."

She smiled a little sheepishly and he glanced at the sky before rolling on top of her, his smile turning a little mischievous. "But for now I suggest we make use of the last few hours of daylight. Erebor can mind its own business for a while."

She replied to this by wrapping her arms around his neck, drawing him down into a breathless kiss that made every inch of her body tingle with sweet anticipation.

* * *

_Leave a review and make someone very happy :-D_


	25. Chapter 24

_Author's note: Thank you for your kind reviews! Here's more..._

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit._

* * *

**Chapter XXIV**

Days turned into weeks and Tauriel could not help being lulled into a sense of safety and security, life at Erebor being much more comfortable and predictable than a life on the road could ever be. While it would be exaggerated to say that she was making friends among the dwarves, there were some who were rather nice to her, even some who looked at her with tentative admiration. And regular outings with Kíli helped to relieve the feeling of suffocation that would sometimes overcome her when she spent too much time in the depths of the mountain, trying to make herself useful were she could and where she was allowed to.

Kíli spent a lot of time during the days with his brother, who was by now acting as a representative of the king and made sure that the different parties that were trying to investigate the reasons for Thorin's absence from the throne were kept under control, keeping the wild rumors that would persistently pop up at bay. Tauriel knew from Kíli that physically Thorin had regained his full strength a while ago, the reason why he had not resumed his place on the throne yet being that they were deliberately taking things slowly, spreading a story about a severe, possibly contagious, infection from which he was currently recovering. Whenever Kíli returned from one of his secret discussions with his brother and uncle, Tauriel could sense the strain under which they all were, all of them very nervous about the approaching day when Thorin would be resuming his duties as King under the Mountain with a fake King's Jewel as the symbol of his power.

Tauriel also knew that Thorin had so far refused to bring the subject of herself and Kíli back onto the table. She did not know if she should feel offended or relieved that he seemed to turn a blind eye to their relationship. She had the distinct impression that by trusting Kíli so much in sorting out this whole business with his 'illness,' he was trying to draw his nephew back into his role as heir of Durin, deliberately entwining his life with that of his brethren more closely. To what end he was doing this, she had yet to figure out – because she did not think that this would work out in the long run if he kept ignoring her existence altogether. Unless of course – and this thought always made her more than a little nervous – Thorin did not plan for her to be part of Kíli's future life at all.

But for the time being she had decided to sit back and watch things unfold, try to be happy for Kíli that his fear of a permanent rift between him and his family had not come true from the way things looked right now. And she had to admit that the luxury of a soft, warm bed into which she could slip every night, the warm embrace of her lover awaiting her there, was something she would only reluctantly give up, the illusion of an actual place to call home becoming more and more tempting as time passed.

And so the day came when Thorin was to rise from his sickbed and to sit on the throne again. During breakfast, which by now they regularly took together with Fíli and some of the other dwarves of Thorin's original company, Tauriel could feel the tension of knowing what was to happen later that day and everything that could go wrong with this plan radiate off the dwarves. Their nervousness was contagious, making her feel twitchy and unfocused.

When she could not bear it any longer, she leaned down to Kíli next to her. "Do you think we could get out of here for a few hours before… you know."

Kíli smiled a half-smile at her, obviously tempted by the idea. "I don't know. There's not really anything left to do now, but…" He trailed off, no doubt picturing the mayhem that this day might result in if things went badly.

"It's okay, Kíli," Fíli threw in from across the table, having overheard their conversation. "I got this. Go."

Tauriel smiled gratefully at him. "Thank you."

"No big deal," he grumbled. "Just make sure that he loses this panicked expression on his face or he will give us away before anything actually happens."

"I'll try my best," she returned while Kíli rolled his eyes at his brother, causing Fíli to chuckle. Kíli had been right when he had said that Fíli was beginning to come to terms with their relationship – while he carefully tried to keep up an air of slightly annoyed indulgence, Tauriel could tell that he was actually starting to like her. And she him.

And so once breakfast - which nobody really seemed to have an appetite for - was over, they slipped out of the dining hall and then out through the gates, into the bright light of the day. It was a mild winter and so they never really needed to worry about the weather during their outings. Today was a particularly nice day, the winter sun so bright in Tauriel's eyes that she had to squint a little against the light. She made to move into the direction of their little green haven which they had frequently visited during the past few weeks, but Kíli grabbed her hand and held her back.

"No. Let's go somewhere else today. I want to show you something."

She cocked her head. "Oh. A surprise?"

He shrugged and smiled. "Just something that I think you might like."

So she followed him, the two of them taking a narrow path than ran along the base of the mountain. After a while Kíli stopped in front of her and let his gaze travel across the stony surface of the mountain until his eyes caught upon whatever he was looking for.

He turned around and grinned. "Follow me, milady."

She frowned, not immediately seeing where he intended for them to go, but then she realized that amongst the rocks a small trail, almost like a flight of stairs that had been carved into the mountain by the forces of nature, was leading steeply upwards.

Intrigued by this new challenge, Tauriel followed Kíli expectantly. When, after several minutes during which they had ascended quite highly, he suddenly vanished from sight in front of her, she frowned. Quickening her step she hurried after him and was surprised when she bumped into him standing at the entrance to a small cave in the side of the mountain, facing her.

He quickly reached out and wrapped his arms around her waist to keep her from losing balance. They both laughed at the slight awkwardness of this moment and she wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning down to press a happy kiss to his lips.

"What is this?" she asked when they pulled apart.

"Just something I found the other day," he said and shrugged out of his coat, spreading it on the floor for them to sit on.

Tauriel turned around and gasped at the view that presented itself to her. She had not realized that they had climbed up quite so high and the sight across the lands from this elevated point of view really was magnificent. If you stepped right up to the edge of the cave you could almost imagine yourself flying across the plateau below, free as a bird in the sky.

Tauriel smiled and sat down on the ground beside Kíli, gripping his hand in hers. "This is great. Thank you for bringing me here."

"I knew you would like it." He scooted closer to her, cupping her face with one hand, drawing her down towards him.

He dropped his hand and frowned when she cast down her eyes, her smile faltering. "What is it? Did I do something wrong?"

She shook her head, feeling embarrassed for the feeling that was suddenly nagging at her heart. "No… it's just… you said that you had come here before. On your own I assume?" She did not want to sound like a whining woman who always demanded to know the exact whereabouts of her man, but she could not help being a little upset about the fact that he had come out here alone while she had presumed that he was holed up somewhere with Fíli and the others. While she had eagerly waited for him to return to her.

The frown on his face deepened, but then relaxed when he saw her sudden insecurity reflected on her face. Shifting on the floor so that he was now sitting in front of her, he leaned forward and caught her gaze. "If you are asking whether I came here because I needed to be away from you, then the answer is no. I would be a complete idiot to spend a single minute more than necessary away from you. And I am sorry that we spent so much time apart these last few weeks, trust me, I dislike that at least as much as you do."

She bit her lip, smiling a little shyly. If anyone had told her a couple of months ago that a young dwarf would soon waltz into her life that could make her tremble under his smoldering gaze, could bring out insecurities in her that she did not even know she had, she would have laughed into their face, declaring them for completely insane. And now here she was, feeling like a self-conscious little elf-maid before him. The worst of it was that she knew that it was completely unnecessary to feel this way because she knew that he loved her with a devotion unparalleled by anything she had ever seen in this life. And still…

He sighed when she did not reply, lost in her own thoughts. "Look, the reason why I came out here alone a couple of times was that… that I did not want you think I'm weak. That I did not want you to know that some of the prejudices that your people have against my kin are actually true."

It was her turn to frown. "What are you talking about?"

He sat back down beside her and gazed out at the horizon. His voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke again. "It's the stone, Tauriel. It still lingers on my mind sometimes. It is just a damn stone, but sometimes my thoughts will return to it, and I cannot help but wonder what became of it."

She looked at him for a couple of moments and saw that he was really quite upset by this and genuinely worried. "You should have talked to me about this," she said. When he looked at her questioningly, she added, "Because I would have told you that it is completely unnecessary to beat yourself up over this the way you do. We all have weaknesses. We all have regrets that keep coming back to haunt us – and in your case this was initiated by some mystical power which none of us really understand. In fact I am not sure whether this actually qualifies as a weakness of your character." Her eyes twinkled a little when she said those last words and a small smile flashed across his face.

"Ah, but that's not all of it," he returned, his expression grave once more. "This whole… _obsession_ with power, it's making me feel sick to the stomach sometimes. _Politics_. I'm really not made for that."

"You don't have to be…" she threw in.

"Don't I? As Thorin's nephew?"

Tauriel did not really know what to answer to that. But she felt that she understood now what had been troubling him, why he had needed some time to think. Maybe he was not as reluctant to let go of his life here as she had thought. Maybe he just did not know _how_...

"Let us wait and see how things go today," she said. "Maybe things will actually go as we planned for once and everything will settle down soon. Less tension, less pressure."

He squeezed her hand. "Yes…," he said hesitantly. "Although I somehow think that some things around here will never change, some tensions will never be resolved."

She pressed her lips together, knowing full well that he was implicitly referring to the two of them and their standing amongst the other dwarves. And she suddenly found that she was becoming very reluctant to believe that they were still met with so much opposition – too comfortable had she already become in their life here, too easy had it become to believe that she was regarded with friendliness by the others, that they might actually have a future here.

Confused by her conflicting feelings, Tauriel decided to let the matter rest for now and make use of the time alone they had so surprisingly been given. And so she lay back and pulled him down into her embrace, trying to achieve with actions what words were not capable of, chasing away the dark thoughts with her caresses, erasing doubts and worries with her lips upon his.

* * *

When they returned to the mountain in the golden sunlight of the afternoon, Tauriel felt slightly giddy, both from anticipation of things to come and the very pleasurable hours she had just spent with Kíli. She looked at him and could see the same odd mixture of nervous anxiety and happy restlessness on his face.

Also, despite the fact that they had just had the better part of the day exclusively to themselves, they were filled again with an eagerness to reach the privacy of Kíli's room – which Tauriel had by now come think of as _their_ room since she never spent any time in the quarters that had been assigned to her upon their arrival – as soon as they entered the great hall where people we milling about busily.

Grinning stealthily at each other they were just about to head towards Kíli's room when they were stopped by a familiar voice.

"Kíli!" Fíli caught up with them, slightly out of breath. Kíli looked at him questioningly. "We have a little… erm… _situation_ that I need your help with."

"Oh." Kíli looked at Tauriel, sorry and disappointed that their time together came to an end so abruptly. "Of course." To Tauriel he said, "Wait for me in our room?"

"Sure," she nodded, squeezing his hand briefly before watching him hurry off with his brother, smiling when he turned back around to wink at her.

Slowly she made her way through the corridors, hoping that whatever business Kíli and Fíli had to take care of would not take too long so that they would still have some time to themselves before Thorin's formal return to the throne and the celebration that was to be held afterwards. Tauriel had at first assumed that she would not participate in any of this, but Kíli had insisted on her accompanying him, saying that he did not care one bit if people looked at them strangely. So she had agreed to come down with him, even though she was still nervous about how others would react to this. How Thorin would react to this, seeing that he had never even officially met her.

This circumstance, as Tauriel realized with no small amount of shock when she reached her destination and slipped through the door, seemed however to be about to change. Looking out of one of the large windows of Kíli's room stood Thorin himself, his arms crossed behind his back.

"I- I'm sorry," Tauriel stammered and immediately reached for the door handle, intent on leaving again.

"No, don't be," Thorin replied, turning his head into her direction without really looking at her. "Please stay. I have been wanting to speak to you for a while."

Frozen in place by shock, Tauriel remained standing by the door, unsure how to handle this situation. Thorin glanced at her and slowly walked over to one of two cushioned chairs grouped around a small table in a corner of the room. He sat down and gestured for her to take the seat opposite. Not really knowing what else to do, she hesitantly crossed the room and sank down onto the proffered seat, her back rigid and her senses alert.

For the first time Thorin looked her in the eye and Tauriel could immediately discern a strong likeness between him and Kíli. However, where there was only warmth and gentleness to be found in Kíli's gaze, an undeniable coldness was etched into Thorin's expression. Never had she seen two people who were so much alike and so unlike each other at the same time.

Thorin leaned forward and reached for a jug of wine which had been placed on the table, pouring two glasses. Tauriel took the glass he then offered to her, mostly to have something to hold onto in order to keep her hands from shaking. Thorin leaned back in his chair and sipped from his cup, staring at her for a few very tense, uncomfortable moments.

Finally he broke the strained silence. "Kíli speaks very highly of you."

Tauriel did not quite know what to return to this. "Umm… thanks? I think very highly of him, too."

Thorin only looked at her curiously and Tauriel found herself wondering where exactly this was going. "Kíli has a very keen mind. I would be willing to trust him with much more responsibilities than I do at the moment – I see high potential in him," he said after a while.

"You are right to do so, I believe," she returned, trying to keep herself from frowning.

Thorin nodded, taking another sip from his wine. "However, Kíli is still very young. And bound to make mistakes."

Now Tauriel could not suppress a small frown anymore. "Is there anything particular that you are referring to?"

Thorin paused. "Kíli believes himself very much in love with you. And I understand him, I really do. To him it feels as if there is nothing beyond this anymore, nothing that comes before or after. We have all felt this way at some point about someone when we were young…"

Tauriel lowered her gaze and stared at the cup of wine clasped in her hands. She thought she knew now what was coming. And she did not have to wait long.

"But you," Thorin said, looking steadily at her, "you have lived much longer than we all have, I suppose. You must have seen much more of life than Kíli, must know what suffering love – or the illusion of it – can bring. You should know better than _this_."

Keeping her head lowered to hide her face, Tauriel squeezed her eyes shut, silently reprimanding herself for ever allowing herself to think – for being so damned _foolish _to allow herself to think - that this would eventually all turn out well, that by some miracle what she and Kíli had would be accepted by those close to them. That she might have actually found something like a home in the depths of the mountain of Erebor.

When she did not say anything for a long time, Thorin spoke again. "I do not mean you any harm, Tauriel. I merely want to reason with you, to make you see where you both went wrong. To urge you to end this before the damage becomes too great to repair."

Tauriel took a deep breath, only lifting her head once she was sure that she had her face under control, that no stray tear would escape her eyes. "I do not mean any disrespect," she said, keeping her voice level, "but I do _not_ think you understand Kíli. Nor me, nor the bond that we have. And me simply walking away from this? That would not resolve anything."

Thorin just looked at her, not condescending or arrogant in any way, but still Tauriel felt a sudden wave of anger rise inside of her. Sighing, the dwarf king raised himself from his chair and looked down upon her. "Think about what I have said. I only wish to protect someone very dear to me from getting hurt. And, as you might realize once you give this some thought, it might also spare _you_ a lot of pain."

Tauriel did not respond but turned her head away stubbornly, looking out at sky where daylight was slowly beginning to fade. Thorin lingered for a moment longer, but finally placed his cup back on the table and headed for the door. Tauriel could hear him pause when he reached it and thought for a moment that he might say something else, but he did not, and exited the room without another word.

When the door clicked shut behind him, she wanted to slowly let go of the breath she had been holding, but what came out instead was a small sob, followed by hot tears that burned on her cheeks – tears of anger and disappointment, both at herself and the world around her.

* * *

_Whoops. Don't hate me for this ;)_


	26. Chapter 25

_Author's note: Thank you for your responses to the previous chapter! Sorry for creating more tension once again. :) I'm glad that some of you caught on my hint that Fíli might have been involved in distracting Kíli - the question is, was he or wasn't he? You'll find out in this chapter. Hope you enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: The Hobbit and it's characters are not mine!_

* * *

**Chapter XXV**

Nervously Kíli fiddled with the sleeves of his shirt, unable to keep his hands still. Was it just him or was it much hotter in the throne room than usual? Next to him Fíli cleared his throat and signaled for him to be still. _Do not draw any unnecessary attention_, his gaze said. Kíli sighed and crossed his arms behind his back, standing up straight in his position next to the throne.

They were waiting for everyone to gather, waiting for the exactly right amount of tension and anticipation to build up. Then Thorin would come in and resume his place on the currently empty throne. And hopefully his entrance would suffice to convince people of their story and erase all doubts about Thorin's ability to rule that Kíli knew still existed among the dwarven population. And human, he added to himself, when he scanned the crowd and saw Bard, who had arrived earlier to attend the ceremony with some of his men, looking about himself more than a little skeptically.

But Bard and his company where not what Kíli was actually searching for. Once more he let his gaze travel across the large audience, hoping to see Tauriel among them. When he had returned from his business with Fíli – which had turned out to involve a couple of particularly inquisitive dwarves who were unwilling to wait until the evening to see and speak with the king and were quite ready to use violence in order to get what they wanted – his room had been empty, no sign of Tauriel. He had spent some time looking for her in places she would be likely to go, but, running of time, had had to return to his quarters eventually.

Setting out for the throne room, he had felt very uneasy and worried, sensing that something was off. He had wanted nothing more than to search for Tauriel, make sure that she was fine, but it was too late already and he knew that his absence from the ceremony would cause too much suspicion, would put everything they had so carefully constructed at a great risk.

Kíli's heart leaped and he felt relief flood through him when he finally saw her slip through the massive doors and circle around the back of the crowd until she came to stand close to Bard's party. Kíli tried to catch her gaze, but she would not look at him, staring straight ahead. He frowned a little and thought briefly about how wrong it felt to be standing there with her on the other side of the room. He swore to himself that whatever their future looked like, it would have to be a future where it would not even be a question for her to be at his side, no matter what the occasion was.

He was torn from his thoughts when a sudden hush went over the crowd, the low murmurs and chatter slowly dying away. This was it. The moment that was to decide over the fate of his family and this kingdom had come.

Everyone's gaze was fixed upon the entrance to the throne room where Thorin had just appeared, a lone figure standing amongst the high stone pillars that held the ceiling of the room. Only once the silence in the room had advanced to such a degree that Kíli could hear his own heartbeat resonate in his hears, could hear his brother trying to breathe slowly, regularly, next to him, only then did Thorin move and advanced slowly into the room, holding his head up high. In his hand he held the Arkenstone, which no one except for his original company, his sister, a wizard, a hobbit and an – unlikely as it might seem - elf knew to be merely a placeholder. Kíli looked at the stone and, remembering what Gandalf had said about the magic he had endowed it with, focused on how glorious the stone looked, how magnificent and powerful, trying to let that emotion permeate his whole being and pass some of it on to the ones standing closest to him.

Thorin took a couple of steps without anything happening, and Kíli, because he knew him very well, could see the anxiety behind his proud posture. But then the atmosphere in the room suddenly changed and dwarves left and right sank to their knees, bowing to their king, bowing to the one who had gone and reclaimed the home which had been lost for so long in a quest that everyone had thought to be a suicide mission. The words Balin had spoken one night during their journey echoed in Kíli's head and he guessed that they captured rather accurately what many of the dwarves were feeling at this very moment. _There is one I could follow. There is one I w_ill _follow. _

Kíli knew then that everything would be alright, that Erebor would eventually become a place of peace and security again. And so he followed his brother's lead and lowered himself to the ground, bowing to his uncle, his surrogate father, his king. Glancing up he could see that even those present who were not dwarves were profoundly affected by this moment, lowering their heads with respect and admiration.

Once Thorin had reached the throne and climbed up the few stairs leading to it, Kíli rose from the ground, flashing a quick, bright smile of relief at Tauriel who finally looked at him, returning his smile hesitantly.

With a voice that sounded much more self-assured than Thorin probably felt at this very moment, he spoke into the silence in the room. "Rise. Rise my friends, my family, my kin, my people. The time has come for us all to rise as one and return Erebor, _our_ home,_ our_ kingdom, to its former glory."

* * *

Beneath the table, Kíli gripped Tauriel's hand tightly, trying to reassure himself that all of this was real, that he was not dreaming. After so many weeks of tension, of doubt and nervous anticipation, he could hardly believe that they had actually done it, that Thorin was now unquestionably their king, that they had somehow gotten through this crisis brought about by the Arkenstone which was now gone, hopefully never to be seen in the halls of Erebor again.

Amongst the clamor around them, amongst the laughter and chatter and the sound of jugs of ale clonking together, Tauriel looked at him, her slight smile slowing everything down for a moment, drowning out some of the noise.

"Are you alright?" he asked her, in a voice much too low for her to hear, but she understood him anyway. "I was worried when I couldn't find you before. Where were you?"

She squeezed his hand. "There is no reason to worry. I merely wanted to take a bath before the big event." She smiled again, but Kíli sensed that she was trying to brush him off. He wanted to ask her why, wanted to understand what was wrong with her all of a sudden, but he was interrupted by Dwalin and Bofur coming up from behind, gripping him by the shoulders.

"Let us drink together," Dwalin shouted way too loudly, making Kíli's ears ring. Kíli laughed and gestured for more beer to be brought to their table. Bofur and Dwalin sat down, Dwalin squeezing himself between Kíli and Tauriel. Kíli wanted to protest, but Tauriel smiled reassuringly and nodded for him to go ahead and celebrate their success with his brethren.

"Sorry, lass," Dwalin commented when he saw the two of them looking at each other. "I need to borrow this one for a moment or two."

Kíli saw her grin in response and thus allowed Dwalin to proceed, the need for a proper drink quite pressing all of a sudden after the day's excitement. In addition to the beer he had called for, a large container of wine was also placed before them. Kíli looked up and saw Bard's eldest daughter, Sigrid, smile down at him a little shyly.

"With my father's compliments," she said, blushing for no obvious reason. "We are all glad that your uncle has recovered and that now your people and ours can begin to rebuild what was lost in the fire. Together."

Kíli returned her smile. "Thank you, Sigrid. And please tell your father that the feeling is mutual."

He looked at Fíli to see if he had something to add to that, but his brother was merely looking at the young woman, a vacant expression on his face. When no one said anything, Sigrid bowed slightly, blushing even more deeply, and hurried away. Kíli looked after her and, when he turned back around, saw his brother stare after her, smiling slightly.

Kíli raised his eyebrows. "You hypocrite," he said to Fíli.

The blonde dwarf looked at him. "Huh?"

But Kíli merely laughed. "Oh, you know exactly what I mean."

Fíli looked as if he was about to return something to that, but was interrupted by Bofur raising his glass. "To us," he simply said, and Kíli had to chuckle at the slight slur in his speech. Obviously this was not the first toast he was making tonight.

"To us," the others simply repeated and, with Tauriel looking on with wide eyes, downed their drinks in one go.

* * *

Tauriel watched Kíli and the others with a mixture of amusement and confusion – while she had spent more time amongst dwarves than most of her kin could probably say for themselves, she had never seen them like this, so boisterously happy, strong drink flowing in large quantities.

She sipped from her cup of wine and smiled, the warm feeling that it caused to spread in her belly reminding her of the excellent wine back in Mirkwood. This one was not quite as good, but not entirely bad either. And most importantly it lifted some of the gloom that had shadowed her spirits ever since earlier that evening. Just when she thought that maybe, just for a few hours, she could bring herself to forget about the things that Thorin had said to her, cruelly crushing her hopes of ever finding her own place among the dwarves, and be happy with Kíli and some of the others that what they had been working towards for such a long time had finally been achieved, she looked up to find Thorin stare at her from the far end of the table. She felt the smile on her face die when he slowly lifted his own cup to her, inclining his head as if alluding to an agreement that had been made between them. Tauriel frowned and pointedly set down her wine on the table, refusing to react to this gesture of his. But she quickly found that she could not bear this any longer and abruptly got up from the table, needing to get of there, to find a place where she could clear her head and feel – momentarily – safe from this new threat to her happiness.

Careful not to draw any attention, she slipped away, disappearing into the crowd. Once she reached the exit she turned around to see if Kíli had noticed that she had suddenly left, but it seemed as if he was currently engaged in a heated, jocular discussion with Bofur. It was just as well. She needed some more time to herself, time to figure out how to deal with what had happened without making everything worse than it already was. And so she hurried outside, blindly searching for a place that would give her some privacy and much needed air to calm her burning mind.

When she suddenly found herself on a balcony that overlooked the ruins of the city of Dale, she was surprised at first, the cold air of the night hitting her out of nowhere. But once her senses had become accustomed to the absence of both light and sound, she inhaled deeply, immensely relieved to breathe freely once again.

Leaning onto the stony banister with her hands resting on the cold, rough surface she looked out into the night, icy gusts of wind tugging at her hair and making the delicate skin of her cheeks tingle. She fixed her eyes onto the stars sparkling in the black sky, silently calling out to them to help her get through all of this, to show her a way that would make both her and Kíli happy. Because right now it looked as if it did not matter what she did, it would all end in misery for either her or him or, and that was what seemed most likely, both of them.

She gave a loud sigh that almost bordered into a sob and let her head fall forward. Suddenly she became aware of a presence behind her and she stiffened, half expecting Thorin to have followed her. When out of the dark Dís stepped up next to her she was both relieved and worried at the same time. So far she had never been alone with Kíli's mother and had never been able to determine how she felt about her relationship with her son.

"You seem troubled," Dís stated matter-of-factly.

Tauriel did not dare reply and merely bit her lip, trying to keep the words from tumbling from her mouth. She feared that if she said anything now, all barriers she had built up inside of herself might begin to break at once.

"May I offer some advice?" Dís asked into the silence.

Tauriel tensed. "If this advice involves me removing myself from Kíli's life, then please don't," she said before she could stop herself. "I cannot take any more of this today."

Dís did not seem offended at her harshly spoken words. Instead she smiled crookedly. "I see that my brother worked his charm on you," she said.

Tauriel looked at the dwarf woman in surprise. "How do you…"

"You forget that I do not look at Thorin as my king. I only ever see him as my stubborn, older brother." She turned towards Tauriel. "He is a great man in many ways and I love him to death, but he is also prone to prejudices and hasty judgements. He believes that your kind is proud and cold, unable to experience true love and affection."

Tauriel's eyebrows shot up. "But you think differently?"

Kíli's mother smiled mysteriously. "I think you can be just as compassionate, caring and loving as any of us." She paused. "Many, many years ago I knew a kinsman of yours. He showed me to… to look beyond what I thought I knew."

Tauriel looked at her, thinking that she would elaborate on that, but instead Dís merely smiled into the night, lost in her thoughts for a moment. Then she shook her head as if shaking off a memory that would sometimes take hold of her. Tauriel smiled a little. She knew that bittersweet feeling of remembrance – many times she had experienced it when she and Kíli had been separated from each other, when she had still thought that she might never see him again.

"So you do not wish that Kíli had never met me? You do not think that I will make him and myself very unhappy? Because that is precisely what your brother thinks."

Dís covered one of Tauriel's hands with her own and Tauriel could feel the gesture shoot straight to her heart, the dwarf woman's touch so warm, so _motherly_. "All I wish for, Tauriel, is for my son to be loved the way he deserves to be loved. And I can see that you do love him very much – that is all I can ask for."

Tauriel felt a stray tear form in the corner of her eye and escape down her cheek before she could do anything about it. "But what should I do? How do I resolve this whole situation?" she asked, desperate for some advice.

Dís frowned. "I'm afraid I cannot help you with that. It is something you need to decide for yourself – but before you make any rash decisions, talk to Kíli first. Tell him what is troubling you. The only real mistake that you can make here, is shutting him out."

Tauriel drew a shuddering breath, thinking about the pain it would cause Kíli to learn about this most recent betrayal of his uncle. Thinking about the decision she knew she would have to ask him to make. Could she really go through with this?

Dís squeezed her hand, bringing her back to the present. "Kíli is much more ready to bear the consequences of all this than you might think he is. Trust me – it is written all over his face. Do not doubt him."

Tauriel shook her head. "It is not so much him that I doubt..." Then she smiled down at Dís. "Thank you. For everything you just said."

Dís inclined her head, accepting her thanks. "Will you keep me company for a while? Tell me something about your life with the Elves? I'm curious to know more about you."

Tauriel smiled at her and gladly accepted the invitation. For one thing she did not feel at all like returning to the party and secondly she found that the presence of Kíli's mother was surprisingly soothing to her strained nerves, her kindness alleviating some of the doubts that had settled deep inside her stomach like heavy leaden weights since earlier that day.

* * *

Dwalin, Fíli, Kíli and those in the immediate vicinity broke into booming laughter when Bofur, in an attempt to drain his beer jug to the very last drop, lost balance and fell backwards onto the ground, pulling Óri with him when he tried to grab onto something to stop his fall.

Dwalin hefted himself up from the bench they were sitting on and, still laughing, picked Bofur off of the floor. With Dwalin gone, Kíli wanted to reach for Tauriel and draw her close to him again, but realized with a start that she was not there anymore. His laughter quickly turned into a frown and he got up and looked about himself, searching for her.

"Where's Tauriel?" he asked Fíli, who was watching Dwalin trying to hold the drunk Bofur upright.

Fíli turned his head and looked at the spot where Tauriel had sat, nonplussed. "Dunno," he replied. "I didn't realize she left."

Kíli swayed slightly on the spot and took that as a sign that he had had enough anyway. "I have to go look for her," he sad to no one in particular and, without further ado, headed for the exit. He tried to focus on where she could have gone and _why_ she would have left in the first place, but the noise and the heat in the room in combination with the alcohol in his system made it almost impossible to concentrate. When he reached the door he was suddenly stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

He turned around and found himself opposite his brother who had apparently followed him. "Fíli, I really need to go, something has been off about Tauriel all night and I need to…"

"I know, I know," Fíli interrupted him. He bit his lip and frowned. "Look," he said hesitantly, "I don't know if this means anything and I'm not sure if it is such a good idea to tell you this…"

Kíli was taken aback. What could his brother possibly be talking about? "What? What is it?"

Fíli leaned in closer, obviously not wanting anybody else to hear what he was about to say. "Maybe it's just a coincidence… but this whole business with the others this afternoon? Something felt off about it, don't you think?"

Kíli crossed his arms in front of his chest, thinking about what Fíli had just said. True, he had been surprised that right before the evening's ceremony, some of the dwarves would suddenly lose patience. And what had confused him most was that those were dwarves that had until then stayed out of the more heated discussions about Thorin's ability to lead.

Fíli continued. "And then, afterwards, when you had already gone, I went to check on Thorin, but he wasn't in his quarters. Came in right after me, though."

Kíli frowned. "Are you saying that-"

Fíli held up his hands. "I'm not saying anything. I only felt that something was odd about the whole thing, and Thorin wouldn't really tell me where he had been, so… I don't know."

Kíli whipped his head around and looked at his uncle at the far end of the room. He could sense that it had cost Fíli a great effort to come to him, afraid to stir up unnecessary trouble. But he knew, as Thorin looked up and held his gaze, that whatever was troubling Tauriel had something to do with him, that Thorin had somehow created a distraction in order to meddle with something that was really not his concern at all.

Feeling hot anger rise inside of him, Kíli debated for a moment whither to turn – should he go and confront his uncle or go and search for Tauriel, wherever she was? For a second his temper took hold of him and he took a tentative step back into the room, but Fíli held him back. "No, Kíli. This is not the right place, nor the right time."

Looking at his older brother, Kíli felt some of his rage evaporate only to be replaced with a gut-wrenching worry. "No, you're right. But I swear to you, if she is in any danger whatsoever because of something that he did, I will _not_ simply let this go."

Fíli nodded, looking slightly terrified at the prospect. With a last glance at Thorin, who was still looking into their direction, visibly confused by the exchange he had just witnessed from a distance, Kíli left the great hall in a hurry. Never had the city below the mountain seemed as vast as now, when he did not have the slightest idea where to begin looking for Tauriel.

* * *

_tbc..._

_Lots of stuff going on here - let me know how you feel about this chapter!_


	27. Chapter 26

_Author's note: Thank you somuch for your lovely reviews! I know I said that there were only a couple of chapters left a while ago, but somehow this story refuses to end. But we are getting closer to the end... slowly ;)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit or any of its characters._

* * *

**Chapter XXVI**

Silent as a shadow Tauriel made her way through the deserted corridors leading to Kíli's room, eager to avoid running into someone, even though she knew that it was very unlikely to meet anyone at this time of night. Everybody was either asleep or – more likely – passed out from too much wine and beer.

Until she had met Dís on the balcony earlier that night, she had not realized how much in need of female companionship she had been. True, most of her life had been spent amongst men and this had never bothered her – quite the contrary actually. Only recently, with all this new emotional turmoil in her life, had this begun to change. And of course Nimwen's faithful presence at her side for so many days had played a big role in this, had caused her to become used to always have another woman to talk to, someone to find comfort in.

So the unexpected source of much needed comfort that Dís had turned out to be was the reason why the night was already beginning to fade outside as she slipped into Kíli's room. The first thing she noticed was that it was stifling hot in the room – the fire that was usually left burning through most of the days had not been extinguished.

In the dim light cast by the flames, Tauriel could see Kíli lying on his back at the bottom of his mattress, his feet dangling onto the floor. He was still fully dressed. Smiling slightly, Tauriel wondered whether he had passed out like this and stepped closer to make sure that he was alright. As she leaned over him, she realized that he was apparently only half asleep, because his eyes immediately shot open and he struggled to sit up.

"Tauriel," he mumbled groggily, his face flushed and his damp hair sticking to his forehead. No wonder with all that heat in the room. "I thought you'd gone."

"Gone?" she asked in surprise. "I'm right here." Standing in front of him, she leaned down and cupped his face in her hands, noticing that his skin felt feverishly warm. She smiled when his eyelids drooped slightly. "Are you even really awake?"

He responded by wrapping his arms around her waist, burying his face against her stomach. "I don't know. Am I?" he muttered. And then, with heartbreaking despair in his voice, "I couldn't find you. I thought you went away again."

Stunned by his words and the way he said them, she did not reply for a moment. Then she realized that he must actually have thought that she had left him and just the thought caused tears to well up in her eyes. Dís had been right, he was much more perceptive of what was happening with her than she had been giving him credit for and all that she would achieve by not telling him the whole truth would be to hurt him. As she had just now, apparently.

Hugging him close she whispered, "I would never leave you. Do you hear me? Never. It's just… it's just…" Her voice faltered. How could she explain?

"Shh," he silenced her. "I know. I _know_."

She wanted to protest, wanted to tell him that he needed to listen to her, let her explain, but something in his voice stopped her from doing so. Maybe he really _did _know.

She let out a small gasp when he slipped his hands below her midnight blue dress, drawing her impossibly closer. Suddenly overcome by the need to be with him without anything separating them, she tugged at the lacing of her dress in order to be able to pull it over her head. Quickly she did the same with his clothing, exposing his upper body. Lowering herself onto his lap, she clutched at his shoulders as he kissed her deeply, his warm hands tracing fiery patterns on her skin, which was still cool from spending so much time outside in the cold winter air.

Falling back onto the mattress, they let actions speak what words could not in those early morning hours of a cold winter's day, the heat of Kíli's touch making Tauriel come alight inside, chasing away the darkness that had been threatening to overwhelm her once again during those last hours.

* * *

When Kíli woke up it was only to squeeze his eyes shut again immediately, the bright light in the room causing an excruciating pain to erupt in his head. Someone had forgotten to draw the curtains closed last night, and now the white sun of winter was streaming in through the windows. He guessed from the angle of the sun that it had to be around midday, but despite that fact he could still feel the effects of the way too many drinks he had had the night before.

He turned onto his stomach and slowly stretched, running his hand across the mattress. He smiled when his fingertips brushed against soft, bare skin. He carefully cracked one eye open and saw Tauriel lying beside him. Suddenly a memory overcame him, a memory in which he had been completely devastated. He frowned, trying to recollect the events of the night before. Slowly some fragments began to come back to him – there was a memory of looking for Tauriel, extremely worried, but in vain. Then he could remember a very emotional exchange, right here, in this room. And a very messy encounter beneath the sheets that made color rise to his face even now.

Cautiously opening his eyes once more, he gazed at the beautiful being lying next to him, deeply asleep. But hold on – he frowned, lifting his head from his pillow to look at her more closely. Yes, it seemed that she truly was deeply asleep. That realization made him grin for a moment, but then he immediately felt a sense of worry tug at his insides. Never since he had woken her up back in Thranduil's halls had he seen her properly asleep. And had she not told him that she did not really require any sleep? Those thoughts caused a tight fear of worry to form inside his stomach once more and he sat up, leaning over to gently shake her.

"Tauriel? Can you hear me?"

He half expected her not to react at all as she had done when he tried to wake her up in Mirkwood. So he was quite surprised when she moaned and threw one of her arms across her face, shielding her eyes from the bright light.

Once he was sure that she was alright, Kíli scooted closer to her and chuckled at her slightly disheveled state. "Hey sleepyhead. Did someone have a little too much wine last night?"

Glancing at him from underneath her arm, she scowled at him. "Look who's talking," she returned, making him blush a little.

He let his head fall back onto his pillow, staying in an upright position making him dizzy anyways. "Sorry if things got a little out of hand last night – I hope it wasn't too bad..."

She grinned at him. "No, don't worry. You did nothing wrong." Rolling onto her back she gazed at the ceiling. "I guess this kind of life is making me become lazy, isn't it? I cannot remember sleeping so deeply for a very long time… except for- well, you know." She looked at him, a mixture of worry and surprise playing across her features.

He reached out with his hand and stroked her cheek, his expression growing quite serious. "There is no more need to worry about this," he said. "We will be leaving soon."

She looked at him with wide eyes. "What are you talking about?"

Until that moment he had not really known he was going to say this, but now that he had, he knew that he was doing the right thing. "I am saying that our time here at Erebor is coming to an end. There is really no point in staying where we are not accepted."

Tauriel stared at him, horrified.

"Don't worry," he said. "I don't know exactly what Thorin said to you, and I will not make you tell me unless you want to. But what I know is that I will not stay anywhere where you are made to feel unwanted. I promised you that this would not be permanent and I will stay true to this promise."

"But-"

He silenced her with his fingertips against her lips. "No, no buts. I know you don't want to tear me away from my family. But I have made that decision once before and I will do so again. And at least this time I have the opportunity to part in peace with them and maybe figure out a way how and when we can still see each other from time to time."

She pressed a soft kiss to his fingers, silently accepting his choice. "But where will we go? And what will we do? I'm not so sure if your uncle will simply let you walk away in peace… at least not if it's me you're going with."

She looked so utterly dejected when she said this that Kíli felt fresh anger well up inside of him, but he swallowed it down and drew her close instead, hugging her lithe body to his. "I sort of have a plan for that," he muttered into her hair. When she drew back and looked at him questioningly, he elaborated. "Since we got rid of the Arkenstone, Thorin actually took a more reasonable turn with regard to our relations with other peoples." When she raised her eyebrows in slight disbelief, he sighed. "Yeah, I know that this may sound hard to believe right now. Anyway, I think he is quite keen to set up trading relationships with populations all over Middle Earth. Get Erebor out of its current state of isolation."

"And?" she asked, urging him to continue.

"Well, I thought we could suggest to sort of become his messengers for that. You know, travel around, talk to people. And after all, what's a better proof that the dwarves of Erebor are willing to share some of their wealth with the rest of Middle Earth than a dwarf and an elf travelling together?" He smirked at her and she rolled her eyes, but laughed. "What do you think?"

She rolled onto her back and gazed up at the ceiling. "I'd like that," she said after a while, causing a happy grin to spread on his face. She looked at him. "It sounds like you have been thinking about this for a while."

He shrugged. "I guess."

"You should have told me," she said. "If I had known your mind was still set on leaving… well, I might not have worried as much as I did."

He frowned. "I'm sorry, love. You're right, I should have talked to you about this. Seems as if we need to work a little on that whole talking thing. Both of us." He looked pointedly at her.

She sighed, but smiled. "True. But trust me, you don't really want to know what exactly passed between me and your uncle. And I, too, would prefer not to have to repeat his exact words."

He pressed his lips together, silently cursing Thorin for having made her hurt like this. As if she was reading his thoughts she turned towards him again and took his hand in hers. "Whatever you do," she said insistently, "promise me to try and go about it with a calm mind. Don't do anything you might regret later."

Kíli stared at her. "How do you manage to remain so calm when you have been treated with such injustice?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I guess… I guess I really do believe that Thorin only acts out of his love for you. I cannot hate him for that. Not really."

Kíli drew her close and pressed a kiss to her forehead, marveling at her graciousness. "I love you," he said out of the blue.

She looked up at him and smiled brightly, the slight rift that had been forming between them due to misunderstandings and adverse external circumstances, entirely forgotten. He pressed a long kiss to her lips, relieved that they were on the same page once more. When he pulled away he looked at her. "I will try to carry some of your kindness with me when I go and speak to Thorin. But I also need to be very firm in this matter – I cannot leave room for him to think that he can simply go behind my back and make decisions for me, no matter if his intentions are good or bad. So I can't really predict how that conversation will go."

She nodded. "I get that. Let me know if I can help."

"I think I need to do that on my own. I think he already knows that something is up anyways, so I might as well get it over with."

"You'll do it today?" She sounded surprised.

He shrugged. "I do not really see that there is any point in waiting. The sooner we start making plans the better, right?"

She smiled and he could see in her eyes that in her mind she was already picturing the two of them on their own again, the way they had been before their past had caught up with them so suddenly. And that was what he was seeing, too.

"Yes," she replied to his question, but then bit her lip. "But I guess after we've waited for so long, a few more hours can't hurt, can they?" she asked, scooting closer to him beneath the covers.

He inhaled sharply when she pressed herself against him, her skin on his. "No," he mumbled, his gaze drifting down to her lips. "No, I guess not."

He suddenly grabbed the sheet they were both covered with and, with a jerk of his arm, threw it over both of them, burying them beneath it, blocking out the world for a little longer. His heart sang as she giggled and he swept down on her, kissing every inch of her porcelain skin until her giggles turned into happy sighs.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon when Kíli finally emerged from his room, a happy grin on his face that not even the prospect of an impending confrontation with Thorin could entirely erase. His first impulse was to head towards his uncle's private quarters, but then he remembered that Thorin would be most likely to be found in the throne room.

Walking through the corridors, greeting several dwarves he was acquainted with in the process, he tried to sort through his thoughts, in order for his conversation with Throin to go smoothly. He knew that Tauriel was right – Thorin had only acted out of concern for him and that was the only thing that made him refrain from trying to hurt his uncle back, made him somehow want to find a peaceful solution to all of this. That and the fact that he knew that if he were to part on bad terms with his uncle, it would be much harder to work out possibilities how he could still keep his brother, his mother and some of the others in his life – _their_ life – after his and Tauriel's departure.

As he approached the throne room, he had to concede that he was more nervous about this than he cared to admit, his stomach doing some sickening somersaults. Not so long ago he would not have dared to stand up to his uncle like that, would have grudgingly accepted the decisions he made for him. But now this was different. Aside from himself he had someone else to think about and it did not matter that he was secretly terrified by the prospect of what might occur inside that room.

The guards positioned at each side of the entrance to the great hall let him pass without further ado – he was a damned prince after all. Crossing the considerable distance to the throne, Kíli was relieved to see that only Balin was with Thorin at the moment.

As he drew closer, Thorin looked up, and Kíli could see a mixture of surprise and something close to anxiety play across his features. Thorin leaned down and whispered something to Balin, who nodded and turned around to leave, smiling hesitantly at Kíli as he passed him, the tensions between the two of them forgiven but not quite forgotten.

Thorin followed Balin with his eyes, only speaking once he had reached the end of the hall.

"Kíli," he said. "I did not expect to see you today."

Kíli inclined his head, trying to keep his features under control. Now that he stood before Thorin, the urge to punch him was suddenly much stronger than before when he had laid out in his mind how this confrontation was to go. He looked up once he felt assured that his face was void of any expression. "I have something that I need to discuss with you."

"Ah," Thorin said, "that is quite fitting, because there are some matters that I wanted to go over with you as well."

Briefly Kíli wondered whether his uncle was trying to buy some time because he already sensed what was coming. But he would not have that, not this time.

"What I have to say is sort of urgent," he said. "And private. Do you think we could discuss this somewhere else?" Kíli felt that a different spatial situation, one in which he was not standing before the throne, looking up at his uncle, might considerably improve their chances of have a reasonable conversation.

Thorin's face fell a little, but he nodded. "Of course. Follow me." Rising from his throne, he made to move into the direction of one of the smaller chambers adjacent to the throne room, but was interrupted by one of the guards stepping through the gate at the other end of the room.

Both Kíli and Thorin whipped their heads around in surprise.

The guard cleared his throat. "The Elves of Mirkwood request an audience, my king."

Kíli felt all blood drain from his face. This was not good. This was not good at all.

He jumped when Thorin clasped a hand onto his shoulder firmly. "Kíli are you listening to me?"

Kíli shook off his momentary stupor and looked at his uncle, who leaned down to him. "Kíli, go fetch Balin and Fíli and bring them down here right away. I have a feeling that I might need their assistance with this." When Kíli nodded, but did not move, he added, "Go. Now!"

Walking as fast as he could without actually running, Kíli hurried down the great hall, eager to get out of there before the elves actually arrived. But it was too late, they were already being led into the throne room by one of Thorin's guards. Trying to keep his head down while simultaneously scanning the small party, consisting of only a few elves, he noted with immense relief that Thranduil did not appear to be among them. Legolas, however, was.

He tried his best to keep a straight face and looked on ahead as if none of this concerned him, but when he passed the Elven party he could not avoid catching Legolas' gaze. The blonde elf's eyes widened with both surprise and horror when he recognized him.

Kíli could feel his heart beating so strongly as if it was about to simply jump out of his throat as he approached the exit, his insides being twisted up by a sudden sense of panic. Alright, so he had been aware of the fact that remaining in such close proximity to Thranduil's realm was not exactly wise given the manner of Tauriel's departure from Mirkwood. He had known that should Thranduil become aware of her still being – kind of – within his reach, this might mean serious trouble for the both of them. But so far he had always reassured himself by thinking that this was _his_ home after all. They were safe here; Thranduil's influence did not extend into the kingdom below the mountain. If he had thought differently he would never have allowed for him and Tauriel to remain here for such a long time. However, given the most recent developments with Thorin, he suddenly realized that maybe they were not as safe at Erebor as he had convinced himself to believe. That maybe, if Thorin's mind was really set on separating him and Tauriel, he would not shy away from measures that might put her at great danger. And the look on Legolas' face just now had confirmed that such danger was still very real and that not even the Elven prince himself might be able to protect her if worse came to worst.

Panic and fear almost made him unable to move upon that realization. Once outside the throne room, his first instinct was to head to his own room, warn Tauriel of the imminent danger, gather their stuff and get as far away from Erebor as quickly as they could. But then, taking a couple of deep breaths to recollect himself, he tried to focus on what course of action was most reasonable right now. If anything, getting Fíli, whom he trusted with his – and Tauriel's – life, would be wisest. It was him who had the most influence on Thorin right now. He was the only one who might actually be able to prevent Thorin from disclosing to the elves that Tauriel, who had betrayed their king, had found refuge within this very city. But he would have to act fast, otherwise it might already be too late for Fíli to do anything.

So he headed out in search of his brother, fully aware that every step he took from now on, every small decision, might decide his fate, his happiness. And Tauriel's, for that matter.

* * *

_tbc..._


	28. Chapter 27

_Author's note: Thank you for reviewing! Sorry if I tortured some of you with my cliffhangers ;) This chapter does not have one. Also, there will be only one more chapter after this one. Some things will be resolved, some won't. Hope you enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit!_

**Chapter XXVII**

"Kíli, slow down and tell me what exactly is going on."

Kíli whirled around and looked at his brother, half mad with panic. "I already told you. There's a party of wood elves with Thorin, _right now_. I need you to go in there and make sure that he does not do something terrible, like telling them that one of their own is hiding out right here, in this very kingdom."

Grabbing Fíli by his upper arm he made to drag him further down the corridor into the direction of the throne room. Balin had not gotten far yet when Kíli had emerged from there a couple of minutes ago, and so he had only had to locate his brother which, thankfully, had not taken too long.

But now Fíli would not budge and held his younger brother back, forcing him to turn back around. "Kíli, calm down. Thorin would not do such a thing, no matter how stubborn he is about this whole thing with you and Tauriel."

Kíli stepped closer, intently looking at his brother. "Maybe he won't, no, but I simply cannot afford to trust that he doesn't. There is too much at stake here, don't you understand?" Fíli looked down, frowning. "And it's not like Thorin has not done things we would not have expected him to do before, hasn't he? Things that hurt people he is supposed to love?"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Fíli said. "But either way, I am not sure whether _I _can do anything to help."

"He trusts you," Kíli said urgently. "You're basically his right hand now. As you should be. So please, try." He swallowed. "I'm scared, Fíli," he added, thinking about Tauriel at the other end of the mountain, completely unaware of the danger that had just arisen.

Fíli nodded, clasping a hand on Kíli's shoulder. "I'll do my best. Let's go then."

Together they hurried to the throne room where Kíli stopped and stood back for Fíli to pass. "You are not coming inside?" Fíli asked.

Kíli shook his head. "No. Even if Thorin did want me in there, it would be too great a risk. I have no way of knowing if one of the elves present might connect me to Tauriel and her disappearance."

Fíli nodded and, taking a deep breath, disappeared through the doors, leaving his younger brother behind. As the doors swung shut behind Fíli, Kíli felt slightly forlorn and at a loss at what to do now. Should he wait here to see what the outcome of this whole visit from the elves would be? Or should he go and speak to Tauriel now, warn her about those most recent, worrying developments?

He had just decided to go to Tauriel, unwilling to keep her in the dark about all this any longer, and had put a couple of feet between him and the throne room, when the door opened a crack and Legolas stepped through, quickly shutting the door again behind him. Searching the wide corridor with his eyes, he hurried over to Kíli when he spotted him and pulled him off to the side, into the shadow of a massive stone pillar.

"I do not have long," he said lowly, looking around himself as if he expected to be caught any moment. "What on earth are you doing here? Where is Tauriel?"

Kíli bit his lip. "She is right here. We have been here for a while, with my uncle falling ill and everything…" When Legolas stared at him with narrowed eyes, he sighed. "Look, I know now that this was probably not the best idea. But we made this decision together and I cannot change that right now."

"Didn't you tell me that returning to Erebor was out of the question? That you had fallen out with your uncle?"

Kíli shook his head. "I had to be here. We thought he was dying. And anyway… it turns out that he was not quite himself during the time before I left with you. He knows that he acted wrongly on many instances."

Legolas frowned and looked at the closed doors of the throne room. "Yes, I thought he seemed more reasonable than the last time I spoke with him." He transferred his gaze back to Kíli. "But if that is true, then why do I see so much fear in your eyes right now? What is it that you are afraid of?"

Kíli sighed. "Turns out Thorin's newly found reason has its limits." When Legolas raised his eyebrows questioningly, he added, "I thought he was going to come around to me and Tauriel eventually. But he has recently given me reason to think that this might never happen."

Legolas grimaced. "You fear that he might expose Tauriel to separate her from you."

Kíli did not answer, but let his head hang low, feeling like an idiot in front of Legolas. After all, the guy had taken some great risks upon himself to help him and Tauriel to escape together, and now here they were, putting everything they had achieved at danger by being too trusting, too naïve.

The blonde elf straightened up and crossed his arms. "There is nothing that I could do to stop some of the elves in there from relating anything that your uncle might tell them to my father. And if he knew that she is here…"

"Do you think he would…?" Kíli broke off and swallowed, unable to say the words.

"Try to kill her?" Legolas continued for him. "No, he would not take the life of one of his own. But there are some things in life that are worse than death." He shuddered. "Especially if said life is eternal."

Kíli actually had to hold on to the stone pillar next to him for support, Legolas' words feeling like a blow delivered to his chest. The elf glanced down at him. "But let us not worry about this until we actually have to. Go to Tauriel and tell her what is going on, but please do not do anything rash. Make sure that she does not show herself while we are still here."

Kíli nodded grimly. "How long are you going to stay?" he asked. And then, on a second thought, "Why are you even here?"

"Before your uncle fell ill, he made my father an offer, setting up conditions under which he would return the white gems my father is so obsessed with to our people. We are here to renegotiate those conditions – they were a little… exorbitant. How long this will take depends on how willing Thorin is to discuss this with us." Legolas looked over his shoulder at the doors of the throne room. "I need to get back inside. Ever since that business with you and Tauriel, Thranduil keeps me under close observation. He has no proof, but that does not mean that he is not still suspicious. And he has observant eyes everywhere."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Kíli said, feeling slightly guilty.

Legolas shrugged. "It is going to pass eventually." He grinned. "Nimwen and I had to take some slightly more drastic measures, but there is really no way how he could ever find out what actually transpired that day."

Kíli smiled tentatively. Then he bit his lip, unsure if he really wanted to speak the words that were on his mind. "Do you… do you want to come and see Tauriel? I'm sure she would be happy to see you."

Legolas hesitated and Kíli watched a variety of emotions wash across his usually stoic face – longing, sadness, regret – but then he shook his head. "No. It would be too great a risk. I really have to go back now. Tell her…" he paused, frowning. "Tell her she still has my friendship. Unconditionally."

Kíli inclined his head in acknowledgement, trying to suppress the slight feeling of jealousy that would always stir inside him where Tauriel and Legolas were concerned. Even after everything that had happened.

Legolas took a few steps into the direction of the throne room, but then turned around, a small smirk on his face. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I really hope not to see you again any time soon

Kíli grimaced. "Likewise." Watching Legolas slip silently through the doors, he wondered whether after this conversation he felt better than before or worse. Telling himself that it did not really make a difference, he stepped out of the shadows and hurried back to his room to finally speak to Tauriel, his heart heavy in his chest at the thought of having to reveal those awful latest developments to her.

* * *

Tauriel lay on her back, looking up at the ceiling. For a while she had been pacing the length of the room nervously, but, still feeling uncommonly tired, had lain back down on Kíli's extremely inviting, soft bed again, waiting for him.

As she let her thoughts drift, reliving some of the events of the past few days, she could feel her mind begin to stray. With her eyes half closed she could see herself with Kíli, back in the woods, the ground below them soft and the sky above endless, free. She smiled as he leaned over her, the sun in the sky creating a halo around his face as he gazed down at her gently, letting one of his hands travel down the side of her body before resting it on her stomach. She covered his hand with hers and inhaled his scent as he leaned down, lightly touching his forehead to hers. Inside her belly she could feel a kaleidoscope of butterflies spread their wings and flutter about happily, his touch still eliciting responses from her body she had not gotten used to yet.

Grinning happily, she was jerked out of this dream – vision? – of hers when the door was pushed open. Slightly disoriented she sat up and looked at Kíli – the real one, not her dream version – closing the door behind him. When he turned to look at her, he grinned at her probably slightly sleepy and surprised expression, but below that grin she could see that he was pale, his face lined with worry.

"What is it?" she asked, a tight knot of dread forming inside her stomach, chasing away those happy little butterflies from just a minute ago.

He shook his head sadly and advanced upon the bed, sitting down on the edge of it with his body turned towards her. His silence made her more worried than any words he might have said. She scooted closer, gently forcing him to look her in the eyes with a hand under his chin. "What happened? Did Thorin take it badly?"

Kíli shook his head once more and took her hands in his. "No," he said, apparently swallowing against a lump in his throat. "No, that is not it. I did not even really speak to him." He looked straight at her. "Tauriel, there is a group of elves down there with him right now. Wood elves."

"Oh," was all Tauriel managed to get out before she was suddenly overwhelmed by a dizzying sensation that made her stomach turn itself upside down. She swayed slightly and Kíli immediately grabbed her by her upper arms, steadying her.

"Hey," he said, "hey, look at me. Breathe. It's going to be alright, I promise."

Nodding feebly, she allowed him to guide her into a lying position. She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths, waiting for this sudden, unfamiliar, sensation of nausea to pass. Once she was sure that she was in full control over her body once more, she opened her eyes to see Kíli gazing down at her, his worried expression from before even intensified. "I'm fine," she said, not wanting him to be so anxious for her. And she was fine, wasn't she? It was only her troubled mind making her feel this way, because she knew that physically she should not – could not – really be affected by any of this. Should she?

"Tell me what happened," she demanded, sitting up carefully.

Kíli still held onto her, but loosened his grip once he had assured himself that she was not going to faint or something like that. He sighed. "It is just a small party that has come to discuss some kind of deal that Thorin made with them. Something about white gems. Legolas is with them, too."

"Oh," Tauriel said once again, careful to keep her expression relatively neutral, well aware that Kíli was intently watching her reaction to him mentioning Legolas's presence at Erebor. This really was not the time to give him any reason to be jealous where – really – his jealousy was completely unnecessary. But still, she understood. She would have felt the same way had there been someone in Kíli's life – aside from his brother – as close to him as Legolas was, or had been once, to her. "Thranduil?" she thus asked, trying to focus on what really mattered right now. Even though she dreaded the answer.

But Kíli was able to ease at least some of her worries. "No, he is not here. And Legolas did not make it sound as if he would be in the near future."

"But?" Tauriel urged him on, sensing that there was more that he had to say about this.

Kíli sighed. "Legolas made it clear that he might not be able to protect you, should Thorin reveal your presence here. He was… not very happy that we came here."

Tauriel bit her lip. "What are we going to do?"

Kíli looked out of the window, frowning. "My gut tells me to run. But my head says we should not panic, stay put for now and wait it out. Which is also what Legolas thinks, by the way."

Tauriel fell silent for a few moments, trying to quench the panic that was still threatening to overwhelm her. Kíli scooted closer on the bed and put his arms around her, obviously trying to comfort both her and himself with the gesture. She leaned into his touch. "Do you think Thorin might actually… you know, take such drastic measures?"

He looked down, his disappointment in his uncle's recent actions palpable. "I wish I could say no. As it is, I really do not know. I don't know _him _anymore."

Tauriel swallowed against the threat of tears brought about by her own disappointment. Taking one of his hands in hers, she traced slow circles on its back. "But still you and Legolas are both right. Who knows what we might run into if we go now, without a plan and without preparation."

Kíli nodded and lifted her hand to his lips. "At least we are warned now and know what is going on. Fíli is in there with the elves as well. No matter what happens, we can be sure that we will learn the truth."

Not really knowing what else to say, Tauriel lay back down and pulled Kíli with her, both of them lying on their sides, facing each other. Outside the light was beginning to fade, but none of them bothered to get up and light the candles. "I'm sorry it got this far," Kíli whispered after a while, the guilt in his voice heartbreaking.

Tauriel silenced him with her fingers against his lips. "Don't apologize. I was always well aware of the danger that Mirkwood still posed. I, too, gave in to the illusion of being safe here, protected."

"And you are," Kíli said. "Even if Thorin were to commit this ultimate act of betrayal, there would still be a number of very upset, headstrong dwarves he would have to have to get past in order to get through to you."

Tauriel smiled a little, touched by his attempt to reassure that she was not wholly unwanted here, that there were still some that meant her well.

"Can I ask you something and you promise not to read anything into it?" she asked him.

He rolled his eyes and grinned a little sheepishly. "If it's Legolas you're going to ask after – he's fine. Holding his ground, as far as I could tell. He- he said to tell you, that he is still loyal to you. Even if he cannot really do anything to help at the moment."

Tauriel pressed a quick kiss to his lips, thanking him for being honest with her and amazed at the fact that he seemed to be able to read her like a book. "That is good to hear," she simply said before snuggling into his arms. "How long do you think will we have to wait until we hear something?" It had gotten almost completely dark outside by now and Kíli moved to light the candle next to his bed before answering.

"I wish I knew. But I have a feeling it might still be a while," he said, getting up from the bed and walking across the room to make some more light. Tauriel instantly mourned the loss of his warm body beside hers. When he was satisfied with the amount of light in the room, he made to return to the bed, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Both of them froze. Shaking off his stupor, Kíli had just enough time to move between the door and Tauriel on the bed in a sweet gesture of protectiveness, before the door opened to reveal Thorin.

He looked from Kíli to Tauriel, both of them slightly unkempt and not entirely presentable. "I hope I am not disturbing you," he said cautiously.

"No," Kíli said immediately, but contradicted his words by moving slowly backwards until he reached the bed and sat down on it, reaching for Tauriel's hand on the mattress behind him.

"Can I come in?" Thorin asked, the expression on his face unreadable. Not for the first time, Tauriel felt the strong authority he exuded, and she had to admit that she was scared, feeling like a puppet in his unpredictable hands. All she could do was hope that he would not simply cut her strings and leave her lying on the ground, limp and helpless.

Kíli nodded and gestured towards one of the chairs in front of the window, pulling Tauriel with him as he got up from the bed when Thorin slowly advanced into the room. He went over to the chair Kíli had indicated, but did not sit down. Resting one of his hands on the chair's backrest, he turned around and faced the couple standing closely together at the other end of the room.

"When you came to me earlier," he said after a long pause, looking at Kíli, "you were going to tell me that you are leaving again, weren't you?"

Tauriel felt Kíli's hand twitch in hers, but other than that he gave no outward signal of surprise at his uncle's words. "I don't see that we have any other choice," he returned, his voice deliberately calm and neutral.

Thorin sighed and turned to look out the window into the dark night for a moment. When he turned back around, Tauriel thought that he looked quite pained. "I did not speak of you to the other elves," he said softly, lifting his eyes to look at Tauriel who shivered slightly under the intensity of his gaze. Once again, she was struck by the strong likeness between him and his nephew. "Surely you must know that I would never do something like this to you," he added, returning his gaze to Kíli.

Kíli lowered his head and chose not to reply to this directly. "It does not really make a difference, though, does it?" he said, his voice sad. "We cannot stay, Thorin. In fact, we should have left a while ago. Maybe we should never have come."

"Don't say that," Thorin said, taking a step into their direction, but stopped when both of them drew back slightly, Kíli pulling Tauriel more firmly against himself. "You really don't trust me at all anymore, do you?" He looked hurt when he said those last words.

Kíli shook his head slightly. "It's not… it's…" He broke off, searching for the right words. Fixing Thorin with his gaze, he continued, his voice grave. "Can you honestly say that you still trust _me_ completely and unconditionally? After everything that happened? Everything that you know?"

Thorin did not reply, but looked away, frowning. "Then maybe you can understand how I feel," Kíli said. Tauriel could feel a slight tremor go through his body and she squeezed his hand, trying to lend him all her strength.

Thorin appeared resigned when he spoke again. "So this is it? You are turning your back on us here at Erebor? After everything we have done to win this kingdom back?"

"Not if you don't force me," Kíli returned. Thorin looked at him questioningly. "If you let us, we will still support our cause – only from a distance. We want to go to Eriador, uncle. Talk to people, see whether we can build a relationship with them that is profitable for both sides."

The dwarf-king looked at his nephew for a very long moment, a surprised expression on his face. Then he looked at Tauriel again, confused. "And you would be willing to be a part of this?"

She frowned, perplexed. "Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

Thorin simply stared at both of them. After a few moments of silence, Kíli spoke up again, his tone slightly desperate. "Don't you see that there is no more point in _this_, Thorin? Just let it go. Let _us_ go. Please."

Tauriel watched Thorin avert his gaze once more, a deep frown creasing his forehead. "Alright," he finally said. "Alright, go wherever it pleases you. We will see how this whole thing works out."

Tauriel's eyes widened in surprise at his words. In front of her she felt Kíli relax his tense posture a little, his relief palpable. "Thank you," he said to Thorin. "Really. I promise you that we will give you no reason to regret this decision."

Thorin nodded a little distractedly. Everything about him said that he was not quite able to understand what had just passed between the three of them. That some things he had felt quite sure about had suddenly been turned upside down and inside out. Taking a few steps into the direction of the door, he stopped when he passed them where they were still standing rooted to the spot next to the bed. He looked Kíli in the eye. His voice was sincere when he spoke. "I do hope you will return eventually," he said. He looked at Tauriel briefly. "Both of you." You could hear that it cost him a great deal of effort to make himself say those words. But he did nevertheless. "And when you return," he continued, putting a tentative hand on Kíli's shoulder, "I hope that you and I will have overcome what has transpired. I hope that we can be again as we once were."

Kíli inclined his head, but did not move to return his uncle's gesture. "Me, too, Thorin. Me too."

Thorin looked at his nephew for another long moment, but Kíli kept his head slightly lowered, not quite meeting his gaze. Finally Thorin lightly patted his shoulder before removing his hand. Without another word he went to the door and stepped through, quietly pulling it closed behind him.

For a few seconds both Tauriel and Kíli stood there without moving, staring at the closed door. Then Kíli spun around and crushed Tauriel to himself in a fierce hug, burying his face against her. She could feel his knees buckle slightly and wrapped her arms firmly around him, holding him against her, needing his support as much as much as he needed hers at that moment. They stayed like that for a while, both of them hardly daring to breathe for fear of everything coming apart if they did. When Kíli exhaled deeply after a few minutes, his breath hitched in a single, dry sob. As he lifted his head to look at her, Tauriel saw that his eyes were swimming with unshed tears, which in turn made her own eyes burn.

"I am so glad that this is finally over," she whispered, her voice shaky.

Kíli pulled her down into a hard, breathless kiss before resting his forehead against hers. "I hope… I _hope_ with all my heart that it really is over, that at least one of our struggles has just come to an end."

Slowly disentangling herself from her lover's embrace, Tauriel took a step back and sat down on the bed, lightly tugging at his hand to cause him to imitate her movement. Together they lay back on the mattress once more, her head coming to rest on his chest, both of them exhausted, emotionally drained. She knew that there was a lot that they needed to discuss, that there were many plans and decisions to be made. Many conversations to be had with those close to them. Fíli. Dís.

But for now what both of them needed most was to simply lie there in each other's embrace and allow their minds to come to terms with the fact that they were actually going to leave soon. Together and in peace.


	29. Chapter 28

_Author's note: So, here we go. Final chapter. A very quiet and fluffy one. Although - hold on - what's that there towards the end? ;) Hope you enjoy. Also, please read my comments at the end of the chapter if you want to find out about the future of this story._

_Disclaimer: I still do not own The Hobbit or any of its characters._

**Chapter XXVIII**

Once more Kíli awoke to find his room flooded with light so bright that he scrunched up his face in discomfort. Only this time the reason for this was not that he had forgotten to close the curtains in a drunken stupor. It seemed that Tauriel was already up and about and had opened them to let in the sunlight.

Groaning he rolled onto his left side and opened his eyes to find his red-haired Elven beauty lying next to him, her smile so bright that it rivaled even the sun. Feeling a slight smile tug on the corners of his own mouth, Kíli closed his eyes again for a moment, his eyelids still heavy with sleepiness. "Someone's in a very good mood," he mumbled groggily.

Tauriel laughed softly and kissed him. When she made to draw away again, he stopped her by wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her back, deepening their kiss. To his dismay he realized that she was fully dressed already. "Are you going somewhere?" he asked, his mind a little foggy still.

"We both are," she replied, "remember? There are quite a number of things that need to be taken care of before we go. And I think we agree that we had better leave sooner than later."

"Right," he replied distractedly, the events of the last day coming back to him. Rolling onto his back, he pressed his hands to his face. "Just give me another minute. I feel like someone hit me over the head with an anvil," he said, his voice muffled by his hands.

When Tauriel did not say anything to that for a few moments, he glanced at her through spread fingers. She looked slightly put off. "I- I hope you didn't change your mind," she finally said, her tone hesitant. "I thought we both wanted-"

"No, _no,_" he interrupted her quickly. Covering one of her hands with his, he looked at her intently. "That is not it at all, don't even think that for one second." He continued to gaze at her until he saw her relax. Rubbing his eyes, he sighed. "I guess I'm just exhausted. Now that things are finally resolved I feel kind of… _drained_. And even though I probably shouldn't complain, should be happy that Thorin has made peace with us at all, it is still painful to think that it ever got this far. That maybe things will never be completely right between me and him again."

Tauriel sat up and put a hand against his cheek. "But you heard what he said last night. Maybe time will help to repair what has been damaged. It sounded as if he would be willing to _try_."

"Kíli nodded. "Yes. I am just not sure whether that will be enough." Telling himself that he would simply have to be patient and see how things turned out between him and his uncle, he decided to let the topic rest for now. "But don't think that I am not happy that we are leaving. Because I am. Very much." He reached up to cup her face in his palm, smiling when she leaned into his touch. "I cannot wait to begin our own life, together."

She leaned down and gently rubbed her nose against his. "Soon we will run freely once more. Swim in lakes and rivers, dance under the stars."

He grinned. "Sleep in trees?"

She smiled back. "Maybe from time to time."

He kissed her deeply once more before sitting up. "Alright. But before we do anything, we need to make sure whether our visitors from Mirkwood have already left."

Getting out of bed, he put on some random items of clothing that were strewn around the room. Tauriel laughed when he tried to tame his tousled dark hair with the help of a small silver clasp. "I think you need a haircut," she said.

Looking into a mirror on the wall, Kíli thought that she was probably right. He grimaced. "Not really one of my top priorities right now," he replied, looking at her over his shoulder, grinning.

He had just reached for a belt to fasten over his shirt, when there was a knock on the door. "Come in," he said, hoping very, _very_ much that whoever this was did not bring any bad news. Not so soon after everything had started to finally look a little brighter once more.

Fíli poked his head through the door. "Everyone decent in here?"

Tauriel laughed and got up from the bed, too, crossing the room to stand next to Kíli, handing him his coat. "Yes, don't worry."

Fíli advanced into the room and leaned against one of the bedposts, looking at the two of them, an oddly smug expression on his face. "So," he said with raised eyebrows, "the talk is you two will be leaving us soon."

Kíli's heart sank a little and he winced. "I was hoping to be able to tell you this in person." When Fíli did not reply, but kept looking at him intently, he added, "I'm sorry, brother. Sorry it has to be this way."

To his surprise, Fíli smirked. "No, you're not. Everyone would be able to tell that you are happy. Both of you."

Kíli inclined his head a little guiltily, seeing Tauriel mirror his movement out of the corner of his eye.

"It's alright," Fíli said. "I get it now."

Kíli looked at his brother, stunned. "You do?"

When Fíli smiled in return, Kíli thought, not for the first time, but never as distinctly as now, that he saw something in his brother's eyes, something that had not been there until recently. A trace of something that he recognized. He smiled knowingly. "I see." He had a sneaking suspicion that maybe his brother's understanding of what one would do for a person they loved, what bridges one was willing to cross, had changed.

Tauriel looked from one brother to the other with curiosity. Fíli cleared his throat a little awkwardly. "Anyway," he said, "you leaving does not mean that we cannot still see each other. I am to join you in Eriador around the peak of summer, travel with you for some time, see what progress there is. That is, if you don't mind," he added, looking from Kíli to Tauriel.

Tauriel put a hand on Kíli's shoulder and he looked up to see her smiling brightly. "Of course not," she said, "that sounds great."

Fíli returned her smile and looked back at his younger brother. Kíli could not help but be a little perplexed at this sudden turn of events. And more than a little suspicious. "You… discussed this with Thorin already?"

"Aye, I did," Fíli returned. He rolled his eyes. "Don't worry. This is not some kind of plan to keep tracks on you. I had a long talk with Thorin and while he is still a little shell-shocked, he really does see the advantages of your proposition. Which is why he wants me to help, too. That, and I think he does not want to tear me and you apart as well." _Not like you and him_.

That last part remained unsaid, but Kíli understood the meaning behind his brother's words quite well. And, while the notion stung a little and made his heart a little heavier every time he thought of it, he found that he greatly appreciated Thorin for thinking along those lines. For trying to keep the damage done at a minimum.

"So, what do you say?" Fíli asked when Kíli still had not reacted after a few seconds.

Kíli looked up, tearing himself out of his thoughts. Crossing the room in a few quick steps, he embraced his brother. "I say, I am greatly looking forward to that," he said when he pulled back. "It will almost be like old times."

"Almost, yes," Fíli replied, winking at Tauriel over his younger brother's shoulder. "But before we start planning this, there is something else that I would like to discuss with you. Come on, let's sit down," he said, heading over to one of the chairs on front of the window. Kíli lowered himself into the opposite one while Tauriel perched on the armrest, both of them highly curious what was to come next.

Leaning forward with his arms resting on his knees, Fíli continued. "Thorin is still a little reluctant about this, but I think it is a good idea and would like to hear your opinion on it." Kíli raised his eyebrows expectantly, prompting his brother to continue. "I think it is time we relieve our burglar of his obligation to us and return him safely to his home. He would never say this in front of Thorin, but I am pretty sure that inside our friend is still lost and homesick. No matter how heroic some of his actions this past year."

"He does seem a little… lost sometimes," Tauriel said. Kíli knew that during the weeks he and Fíli had been planning Thorin's return to the throne, she had often spent time with the hobbit, seeing that he, too, was an outsider among the dwarves.

Fíli nodded. "Aye, that's what I felt, too."

"Are you telling us this because you are asking whether we will take him with us?" Kíli asked his brother.

"Only until you have crossed the Misty Mountains," Fíli replied. "Gandalf will meet you there and take Bilbo to the Shire. He would have gone with you all of the way, but he said he had some other business he needed to take care of first. He left this morning."

Kíli looked at Tauriel. This was not quite how they had imagined their journey to go. While he liked Bilbo a lot and usually enjoyed his company, taking him with them would of course mean that they would not be able to be as free with each other as he had imagined they would be once they left the Mountain behind. Tauriel had to be thinking along similar lines, but then she smiled at him and nodded almost imperceptibly. Kíli, too, told himself not to be so selfish – they would still have all the time in the world together.

Nodding to his brother he said, "Of course. We will take him."

Fíli smiled broadly. "Excellent. I'll make the arrangements."

Kíli wanted to ask his brother when he thought they should be leaving, but was distracted by Tauriel looking at him, the intensity of her gaze magnetic. He smiled at her, his heart beating fast in his chest with excitement. For a second he was reminded of that moment back in her room in Mirkwood when they had been so suddenly thrown into this adventure that had taken them where they would have least expected it to take them – back to Erebor. He remembered how he had looked at her then, seeing his own nervousness and insecurity reflected on her face. That seemed so long ago when really only a few months had passed since. Now, as they were about to set out on a new adventure, none of those anxious feelings existed between them, only the happiness and love that they had already felt back then, but had been hesitant to acknowledge.

Fíli cleared his throat and chuckled when they both looked at him as if they had quite forgotten that he was still in the room. "Right… I'll leave you to it then."

Kíli jumped up when he made to leave and accompanied him to the door. "The elves – are they still here?" he asked.

His brother shook his head. "No. They left last night. I suppose they finally got what they wanted."

Kíli nodded in relief, taking this as a sign that maybe, if Thorin had gotten to be so reasonable about his relations with the wood elves, there actually was a chance for them to truly get along with each other at some point in the future.

"Alright," Fíli interrupted his thoughts. "I'll speak to you later about any new developments."

Kíli smiled. "Thank you. For being with us on this one."

Smiling, Fíli inclined his head and disappeared through the door.

Once the door had closed behind him, Kíli turned around and looked at Tauriel, grinning broadly. "Breakfast?"

She smiled and sauntered over to him. "How about," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck, "if we have breakfast in bed? Who knows when the next opportunity for something like this will be."

Gripping her by the waist, he spun them around and gently pressed her against the wooden door behind her, leaning up to kiss her. "As the lady commands. But I cannot guarantee that I'll let you out of that bed again afterwards."

"You don't hear me complain," she whispered against his lips.

* * *

Tauriel did not really know whether she had been dozing or whether she had simply been lost deeply in her thoughts for a while, but when she turned around on the bed, she saw Kíli sitting with his bare back to her, looking out of the window at the night sky. It was a full moon and the light streaming in through the window made his skin gleam like silver.

Quietly she sat up and scooted over to him, wrapping her arms around his body from behind. She leaned her head onto his shoulder, following his gaze. "Sleepless night?"

He leaned into her. "Just thinking. Remembering."

"Saying goodbye?" she asked. It was their last night at Erebor – tomorrow they would leave together with the hobbit. Leave for an indefinite period of time, maybe forever.

"Yes," he said, covering her hands with his. "Saying goodbye. And saying hello to something new. A new life." He turned around and looked at her, lifting a hand to brush it against her cheek. At his touch, Tauriel felt a little spark run through her body, leaving behind a pleasurable tingle somewhere deep inside of her. Hope.

"Would you care to make another memory before we leave?" she asked, breathlessly.

The intensity of his gaze as he looked at her, the room illuminated only by the light of the moon, almost made her melt with desire. He took her hand in his and, never breaking eye-contact, kissed her fingertips, her palm, her wrist. He repeated the gesture, up, and up, and up her arm until he reached her shoulder, her collarbone, her neck. By the time his lips had reached the soft skin just below her earlobe, she hung limply in his arms, whispering sweet nonsense into his ear.

He straightened up and smiled at her, cupping her face in both hands before claiming her lips in a deep, lingering kiss. "I love you," he said, his voice low and husky.

"I love you," she returned, slowly sinking back onto the mattress, pulling him with her, inviting him to come lie between her legs as he had done that first night they had spent together in their dreams, under a surreal starlit sky. Looking up at him as he moved inside of her with slow, languid thrusts, both of their breaths coming in ragged gasps, she marveled at what had seemed like a dream back then was now the only thing real in her life, the only thing to hold onto. The only thing that she wanted and needed. The only thing that mattered.

* * *

Kíli smiled when he watched the hobbit eye the pony assigned to him with skepticism. While Bilbo was obviously very fond of each and every animal they had encountered since setting out from Hobbiton more than a year ago – giant spiders being the exception here – he had never quite gotten around to riding.

Kíli himself would have preferred to undertake the journey ahead of them on foot, but the fact that they had deemed it more wisely to approach the Misty Mountains from the north, staying as far away from Thranduil's kingdom as possible, made it so much more reasonable to travel on horseback for the time being. At least until they reached the mountain range across which they would not be able to take the animals.

Bilbo was to use a pony while Kíli would share a horse with Tauriel; the circumstance that eventually they would have to leave the animals behind making it more logical to keep their number as low as possible. And, logic aside, Kíli would not complain about being in such close physical proximity to Tauriel during their journey, especially since taking the hobbit with them would mean that they would have to exercise themselves in the art of restraint on many other occasions.

Fastening one last bundle to the saddle of their horse, he turned around to face the small gathering of people that had come to say goodbye to them. There was his mother, his brother, most of the dwarves of their original company. He looked around for his uncle, but that was in vain. Thorin was nowhere to be seen. Silently, Kíli reprimanded himself for thinking that maybe he would come. Clearly he did not care _that_ much. Or maybe he simply was not ready to lay that much of his prejudices aside after he had taken such a huge leap of faith by allowing him and Tauriel to leave without further arguments, without further schemes to tear them apart. He had seen Thorin a couple of times since that unusual evening in his room, when he had – essentially – set him free from his duties. But those encounters had focused solely on planning the stages of his and Tauriel's journey, on discussing where it would be most useful for them to go. Not once had Thorin allowed their conversations to delve beyond the factual, even though, many times, Kíli had sensed that there were some other things his uncle was going to say, some other words on his mind than the ones that he spoke. But now he was not here, and Kíli told himself to focus on the ones that had come, on the ones that cared.

Fíli stepped up to them, slightly bowing to Tauriel in a gesture that made Kíli's heart proud, considering how, only a few weeks ago, his brother had indirectly blamed her for the rift that had been forming between him and Kíli, had voiced in front of Kíli that maybe things would never be the same between the two of them now that she had become a part of his life. "Good luck on your journey," he said. "I will see you in a while."

Tauriel, smiling almost a little tearfully, surprised both Kíli and Fíli – and from the look on her face, herself – by lowering herself a little, enveloping the blonde dwarf in a quick but tight hug. Fíli patted her arm a little awkwardly, but Kíli could see that the affectionate gesture had just warmed his heart even more to the red-haired elf-maid than it already had been.

As Tauriel straightened up, blushing a little at her sudden outburst, Fíli turned to face his younger brother. Kíli looked at him and knew that no words could encompass what this moment meant for the two of them. Aside from his little excursion to Mirkwood, this would be the first time that they would truly be apart from each other. They both had their lives mapped out in front of them and, while each would always figure prominently in the other's life, they would spend a lot of time apart. But it was alright. They would manage, somehow they always would. Seeing that there was not really anything left to say, each of them took a step towards the other, embracing one another for a long, silent moment. "Take care," Fíli whispered. "Don't do anything stupid."

Kíli grinned, swallowing against a few sentimental tears. "Ah, you know me."

Fíli sighed, playfully clapping him on his back. "Aye. That's the problem."

Telling himself that this was not goodbye forever, in fact only for a couple of months, Kíli let his brother go and watched him go over to Bilbo to say his farewells to the hobbit that had had such great impact on all of their fates.

Turning back around, he found himself face to face with his mother. Reaching out, she firmly clasped him against her chest. "Listen to your brother," she said, her voice a little tearful. "Don't do anything foolish. Don't get yourselves in any danger."

"We won't," Kíli returned, hugging his mother close, even though he knew that this was a promise he might not be able to keep under all circumstances. Who knew what awaited them on the road, what obstacles and challenges they might run into.

Dís drew back and smiled at him before looking at Tauriel. Reaching up, she put a hand against her cheek. "Take good care of yourself," she said, tenderly. Lowering her hand, she gently pressed her palm against Tauriel's stomach for the briefest of moments. "And of my grandchild."

It took a couple of heartbeats for Kíli's mind to register what she had just said and when he opened his mouth to react to this, he was interrupted by his brother calling to them. "Don't linger much longer," he shouted. "If you still want to have some daylight for this first part of your adventure, you should leave soon."

"Adventure!" Kíli dimly heard Bilbo exclaim in reaction to his brother's words, his tone speaking more of excitement than of anything else. "I sure hope not! I've had enough of those for a lifetime."

Blocking out the hobbit's voice, Kíli turned back around to face his mother, his mind reeling. But she had stepped back already, melting into the crowd of dwarves. Glancing up at Tauriel, he noticed that she appeared to be completely shell-shocked, her face pale. He nudged her. "Come on," he said. "Let's go."

Nodding slowly, she turned around, mechanically moving to help him climb onto the horse, which, normally, would have been a little too large for him. Elegantly she swung herself up and came to sit behind him, her body pressed closely against his back. Taking up the reigns, he turned his head slightly, speaking to her in a lowered voice. "What on earth did she-"

"Don't ask me," Tauriel cut him off immediately, speaking through her teeth. "I have no idea what she was talking about." But despite her brushing his mother's words off like this, Kíli could sense that she was not as untouched by what Dís had said as she pretended to be. He could sense that she, too, was calculating the possibility, weighing up the odds.

Turning his head over his shoulder as they slowly rode away, Kíli smiled at his brethren, but in truth he only searched the crowd for the face of his mother, searching proof whether what she had just hinted at was more than just a joke. When his eyes finally did find her, he was however distracted by the fact that next to her stood Thorin, looking after them, his expression intense but not unkind. Smiling slightly when he saw Kíli look at him, the dwarf king lifted his hand in a peaceful gesture of goodbye. Kíli, slightly overwhelmed by what had transpired in the last couple of minutes, returned his uncle's smile hesitantly, but genuinely.

Shifting in the saddle in front of Tauriel, he fixed his gaze ahead of them once more, telling himself that no matter what the future had in store for them, it was important, now more than ever, not to lose sight of the path that lay before them. In their past lay so much pain, so much heartache, and while his memories would always be a part of he was, he now needed to focus on a brighter future. Needed to have hope.

And when Tauriel leaned forward a little, lowering her head to press a feather-light kiss against the tip of his ear, the spark of hope already planted in his heart glowed just a little more brightly.

The End.

* * *

_Phew. Not really an end, is it? Well, that's because there is going to be a sequel. I just need to figure out a couple of things before I start writing it. Also, I have been dying to write one or two Kiliel oneshots, so it will probably be a little while until Part II (title is yet to be determined). But, since I have become completely addicted to writing, it probably won't be too long ;)  
_

_Anyway. Thank you all for taking the time to read this ridiculously long story (I thought this would just be a couple of chapters of smut and fluff and then it somehow became a novel...). Thank you for your patience with my never-ending plot twists and cliffhangers. Thank you for giving me lots and lots of kind feedback. I hope the final chapter did not disappoint you and I hope to hear from you again when the sequel goes online. If you have a story of your own to share, please do so! I haven't been reading much fanfic lately because I was to preoccupied with writing this, but I definitely intend to catch up on all the Kíliel fics out there in my upcoming vacation._

_~ Amber ~_


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