Mass Effect 1. Chapter 1 Illium Intrigue

All characters/places are property of Bioware and inspiration was taken from playing Mass Effect 2. Consider this your spoiler warning!

This is my first time writing any sort of fan fiction, hope you like.

Thanks for reading!

* * *

_The cold, almost glowing planet tilted obscurely, the sense of weightlessness floating her through the stars. Light broke over the surface, pealing silence in the brightness of the rays, beautiful and unforgiving as she flailed, her breath failing, the only sound her struggling, panicked gasps. In her mind she could hear Liara cry her name, but her chest was burning, expanding, cells screaming as the last bits of her air slipped away. There was nothing to breath, and the light over Alchera consumed her vision._

Rolling over, Shepard woke with a start, propping herself up on one hand as she coughed and gasped for air. There was a cold sweat on her skin, and the sheets stuck to her, clad for sleep in a white tank top and panties. Her bed was empty and there was oxygen in her lungs.

She reached across the cotton sheets as her eyes fell closed again, an emptiness flooding her in the foreign space of her cabin. The few short weeks of perceived separation couldn't displace the reality of Liara's absence. She could still smell her skin and feel its pliability in a ghostly way beneath her fingers.

Her pulse was still thudding hard in her chest, magnifying the lump in her throat as she gingerly put her face back on the pillow, minding the still-sensitive scars. An ache throbbed in her temples, alternate to the rush of her pulse as she opened her eyes again, needing to visually soak in the world and confirm her animation. The memories of her death clung in her thoughts, an ichor that seeped into her dreams as often as the Protheans did. Peaceful rest was the real dream, and the last time had long since faded from her memory.

Shepard lay there for some time, staring through the dim, aquarium-lit loft, hearing the scarce hum of the Normandy's engines in the distance, willing sleep to return. She looked at the clock – once more, two hours seemed to be all she would be allowed. Rolling aside, she dropped her feet to the floor, rising to move and dress, starting the day as she usually did, many hours before the rest of the crew.

"I hadn't expected to see you here, Commander." Mess Sergeant Gardner's voice caused Shepard to turn with a start, the data pad in her hands resting down on the table. She slowly smiled, reaching to cradle her coffee mug closer, savouring its warmth as he stepped into the light of the mess-room.

"The first cup of coffee is always the best, you should know that." She spoke casually with him, swallowing away her struggle to assume command. She made a move to rise before he interjected.

"First cup." Gardner laughed, looking at the time. He waved towards her, "Don't leave on my account, Commander, I should be getting you a late night snack too." His voice was gruff and almost fatherly, and the glance he shot her was equally so.

"Well…maybe just something light to take with me." She stretched with a bit of a groan, smiling again as she looked to him.

He smiled in return, nodding quickly as he gathered her a bowl of oatmeal and blueberries, "As long as you're eating, I'm doing my job right."

Rising from the table, Shepard slid the bowl onto her data pad, nodding quickly as she quipped, "Thank you, Sargeant."

The bowl blocked the view of what she'd been reading, learning more from the attachés the Illusive Man had forwarded to her. They were on route to Illium, searching out a justicar and an assassin who sounded as interesting as they did useful. The elevator was taking its time back up to her cabin, and she leaned against the back as she picked a few of the berries out of the oatmeal. She didn't eat right, Gardner knew it. Truth be told, she rarely felt like eating. No doubt he thought it absent-minded of her more then the weight of stress and isolation.

The door slid open and her boots silently tracked back into the solitude of her quarters. Collapsing into the chair at her desk, her eyes invariably turned to the picture of Liara there, dropping the bowl and data pad before her with surprising lack of care.

Where are you, Liara? Why can't I find you?

The furrow on her brow accented her thoughts. Finally she looked away to her private terminal and started clicking through the night's messages, burying her feelings back where they belonged. Answering each with efficient precision, it wasn't long before the oatmeal beside her congealed into a bowl of cohesive, cold paste.

"Burning the candle at both ends, Commander?" The sarcastic twinge to Garrus' voice brought Shepard out of her reverie. She stopped in her tracks, having almost been pacing by the steps of the forward battery. Her hand dropped, data pad concealed against her thigh, though the other stayed upon her brow as she turned to him, pensive expression smoothing away. How long had he been standing there?

"You know me, Garrus, can't rest while there's work is done." She chuckled a little bit, hand smoothing back over her neatly drawn hair, adjusting the bun at the back of her head.

"It's a wonder you ever sleep, then." His talons clacked along the metal walk way as he worked closer to her, a glint in his rich blue eyes.

"Who says I do?" She laughed a bit, crossing her arms as she looked up to him with a matching smirk, expression relaxing some in her evident enjoyment at seeing him.

Garrus' words softened as he leant against one of the beams, less then an arm's reach from her. "You should, Commander."

About to return with a dismissive rebuttal, Garrus continued and cut Shepard's words before they started. "This isn't the first time I've heard you about down here while the rest of the crew was asleep. Is it so bad I'm a little concerned?" He was grinning what he could, the wound on his right mandible still tender and preventing full expression.

"Believe me, I would if I could, Garrus. But since I can't, I make use of my time." Shepard's posture was rigid, fingers bridging to rub over her brow again, the dull thud of her headache scarce abated in the hours she'd been awake.

"I'm sure if you spoke to she'd be able to give you something to help. You're not doing us any favours losing sleep." The turian waved his hand, watching her carefully as he added playfully, "Just making my job harder, having to save your ass all the time."

"Saving my ass? Have you forgotten Omega so quickly?" Shepard turned to give him a shot in the arm, clanking against his armour, eliciting a pitiful growl from Garrus.

"See? You're getting weak, Commander. Barely even felt that one." His eyes betrayed that he was just as tired as she. If he'd heard her about that meant he hadn't been sleeping either. They hadn't found anything on Sidonis yet.

"Uh huh." She smirked at him, tapping the data pad on her upper arm as she looked at him. "It should be sunrise in Nos Astra soon." She looked at the clock in the mess. "We'll dock once the crew is up." He stood up from the bulkhead, nodding at her words.

"Aye, Commander. I'll be here if you need me."

A thanks on her lips was lost as Garrus turned and strode back to the battery, her succinct words an easy dismissal. She watched down the lit hall until the doors closed behind him, finally letting out a sigh as she looked down. Turning towards the elevator for a second time that night, Shepard squeezed the bun at the back of her head, eager to get in the shower and wash away the lingering haze of lost sleep.

* * *

Walking with calm assurance across the trading floor, Shepard's eyes stayed ahead, expression hardened to the swimming emotions in her belly. Liara had paid for their fees, she wanted to see her. Nervous joy strummed over her skin, and she tried to block from her mind the last fateful time she saw her face - when she'd ordered Liara into an escape pod, only to be spaced minutes later. She swallowed the memory of it, a shiver suppressing the lingering coldness of her dream.

Following the signage up the stairs to Liara's offices, Shepard lifted a hand to the administrative assistant outside. The doors aside her opened, and steeling herself, she walked into the office, catching the last snippets of Liara's conversation.

"Have you ever faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have." There was a grave chill in her voice the likes of which Shepard had never heard. "I'll make it simple. Either you pay me, or I flay you alive. With my mind." The male human in the holo before Liara suddenly flickered away, and Shepard's footsteps were magnified, the only sound left in the room.

"Shepard!" Liara turned with the sudden surprise. "Nyxeris, hold my calls."

The heated sweat on Shepard's body chilled as she looked into Liara's face, heart palpitating in the way it always had when they had been together. She looked so different. Their eyes met, silence but for the rushing pulse in Shepard's throat, frozen. Liara stepped close, taking her hands. Their lips enmeshed, flooding it all back, and for a moment the nightmare of her death and the weight of her mission lifted, uncaged and free. But it was gone.

Shaking her head, Liara pulled away, turning to her desk to sit down and leave Shepard standing alone. The hard thud of her heart ached, and she felt it in the scars on her face, but her veneer didn't crack.

"My sources said you were alive, but I never believed.. It's very good to see you." There was fatigue and time in her voice - more then two years worth. Her colour was off. Everyone had suffered so much.

"It's good to see you too, Liara. How are you doing?" Shepard casually asked, though the lingering compassion in her words didn't escape her.

Their conversation fell into formalities, with Garrus and Mordin lingering back in the wake of their embrace, allowing a modicum of privacy. Liara never smiled as they spoke, as though her lips couldn't form the shape anymore. Not even when Shepard asked her to come with them - commitments. She wanted Shepard's help obtaining information to help her with her work.

"If it will help you, I'll take care of it." Shepard couldn't say no to her, even if the voracious, exuberant young archaeologist was nowhere to be found. She could feel herself closing off. Working on autopilot, she inquired about the justicar and assassin, and Liara's replies proved what the others said about the quality of her work. Like so often, her core was in turmoil, but Shepard maintained the line, rising fluidly to continue doing the work that others wouldn't.

"I'll talk to you later, Liara."

There was distance in her words, and as Shepard turned back to join her crewmates, Liara was consumed in her work once more. Garrus was watching her again, though she wouldn't meet his gaze. They fell in line behind her without a word as she turned back into the noise of the trading floor.

* * *

The sun was sinking towards the horizon, shadows of twilight playing over the edifices and towers of the city, glowing reds and oranges. They would be meeting with Seryna in less then an hour to head to the towers to find Thane Krios. Shepard leant her hands onto the ledge, a precarious position that let her gaze drop down the face of the building. The ground was obscured by the encroaching darkness.

For once it had seemed she wouldn't have to trace the precarious paths she always found herself on alone. She'd been weak in letting herself believe and indulge, manipulated by her tenuously freed emotions. Liara had been different from others who had tried to slip through the plating of her armour. Her throat ached the way it did deep into a mission, parched and dry, burning for a drink. The pain hardened from where it seeped, overlapping coils tightening in her chest.

It had taken time for it to sink in that she had lost everything again - a vicious cycle in her life that for a moment made her question how safe others really were around her. A part of her thoughts chimed in about the Blitz, and her fingers upon the ledge tensed, the sound of her gauntlet scraping on the stone just barely audible. Once there had been a smoothness to Liara's innocent voice that had reminded her of the way her mother sounded before her morning coffee. A death and a lifetime away, she could still hear her mother's laughter. An older twinge glowed alongside her heartache, each weakened sensation thankfully trapped in the confines of her armour.

What was worth saving if she was alone? The monologues argued within her as they often did, a flurry of voices behind her collected demeanour. She always kept going though. That was what mattered in life, more then strength or intellect or anything – the will to continue on.

"Commander?"

Her fingers had spread on the sculpted ledge, and she pushed off, posture stiff as she turned to look at Garrus. He was waiting expectantly, unobtrusively. There was a steady determination on his face, an expression that suited most turians she'd seen. Something she hadn't lost, even if he had become more jaded - but she felt closer to him because of it. Morlin was beside him, eyes down and absorbed in some calculations on his omni-tool.

Checking the time, she motioned with her left hand and strode off towards the rendezvous, the sure pace of her steps punctuated by the heavy presences of her armour. Weaving to the cargo transfer level, Seryna was on the distant end by the transport - she'd agreed to take them to the tower. Nassana, Krios's target, had been the asari's former employer. Shepard thought she'd been lucky to just lose her job and not her life, given the executive's history. Hopefully the drell assassin wasn't as much of a moral disappointment as the other hired help had been.

* * *

"Shepard...but, you're dead."

"I got better." Shepard wondered if the deadpan timbre of her voice went unnoticed.

The three guards surrounding Nassana drew their guns as she dropped a foot back, posture defiant.

"And now you're here to kill me." The guards dropped their clips, prompting Garrus and Mordin to draw their guns. Shepard was unphased.

"You really are paranoid, aren't you?" She could see the barrel of Garrus' gun in her periphery.

Waving a hand, Nassana turned away, safe within her cluster of guards. "Don't patronize me, Shepard."

"Charming as ever."

"I'm sure you find this all very ironic. First you take care of my sister, and now you're here for me." There was a brief, grim flash of teeth as Nassana looked back to her, before her eyes returned to the blind-broken sunset that came through the windows behind her. She shrugged.

"Well, you made it this far. Now what." There was a hint of fatigue in her bitter words. The light continued to die as Nassana kept turning, coming full about to narrow her eyes and look at Shepard.

Shepard shifted her weight, resting it on her hip as she asked with mild exasperation, "You really think I'm here to kill you?"

"Do you have another reason for destroying my tower?" The asari commando closest was shuffling her weight, moving the scope of her pistol in a way that betrayed her unease. She was shaking. "Decimating my security?" The indignation in Nassana's voice gained strength.

"I'm just looking for someone." Shepard maintained her casual air, knowing the cool confidence unsettled more inexperienced soldiers.

"You expect me to believe that? Is it credits? Is that what you want?" Much like her guards, Nassana was growing agitated, her words desperate and hard. "Just tell me your price. We can make this problem go away."

Shepard played her game, if only to gain the upper hand. "Make me an offer." She crossed her arms, staring the asari down.

Smiling in a knowing, cruel way, Nassana crooned, "Double whatever you're getting. And I'll pay double again if you tell me who hired you." The guards at her sides shifted with discomfort as the distant echo of buckling metal thunked amidst Nassana's words.

The asari commando aside her gripped her pistol with renewed vigour, the barrel sweeping aside as though tracing a target.

"What?" Nassana quipped with venomous annoyance.

"I heard something." The commando had a demeanour more suited for battle, addressing her employer with silken words.

Nassana looked down, her hands on the wide console before her as she shook her head and spoke firmly, "Damn it. Check the other entrances!" She was losing her edge.

"You... stay put." The simple words seethed with fear and indignation. Nassana was used to being in control. Flanking the two guards farthest back from the executive, a dark, lithe figured dropped down from an unseen vantage in the ceiling.

Pointing and speaking with accusatory conviction, Nassana spat, "When I'm finished dealing with this nuisance, you and I are going to..." Amidst her words the assassin flowed, cleanly twisting the human bodyguard's neck until it snapped with a satisfying crunch. Turning without hesitation, he punched the second male guard in the throat, and the mercenary crumpled to the ground without retaliation.

"Who...?"

Drawing a gun from his coat in the same motion, the drell turned, shooting the commando square in the chest and levelling her threat. The asari's tenuous grip on her pistol released, and the assassin snatched her gun from its place in mid-air, rolling to leave its barrel squarely abutted to Nassana's abdomen, his free arm catching hers to steady her as he wished. Nassana's breath seeped out as she leant forward into him, and without so much as a word, he pulled the trigger, the point blank distance muffling the shot.

The sound of surprised pain caught in Nassana's throat as the drell cradled her body into him in an almost tender way. His hand touched over the back of her head, comforting her form against him as he leant forward, laying her upon the consol, his black eyes half-closed. The sounds in her throat were broken, her life escaping in them as her killer's head tilted apologetically, folding her hands over her breast.

His shoulder dropping back, the drell held his hand over Nassana's in her dying moments, her breaths falling silent. Still he looked to her, scarce acknowledging Shepard or her companion's presence as the asari died. His target silent, Thane's gaze dropped and his eyes closed, hands clasping at his chest in silent prayer.

"Impressive. You certainly know how to make an entrance." Garrus' dry wit broke the silence.

Relinquishing her pistol and stepping forward, Shepard watched the assassin with a peculiar fascination, silent herself as he remained in prayer. The setting sun let its rays bleed across him as he remained immobile, reverent.

The silence hung in the air until Shepard spoke, feeling almost callous in her words, "I was hoping to talk to you."

Eyes open, Thane squinted a little, the expression betraying his faint annoyance at her interruption. "I apologize, but prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken."

"Do you really think she deserves it?"

The drell's expression shifted, and though his hands were still clasped his head lifted with a brief shake, the annoyance in his features being lost in their hardening. His face became an unreadable mask as he looked to her. "Not for her. For me."

Turning aside from his quarry, Thane's expression became serious once more, eyes downcast to follow his hand as he holstered his pistol and traced the edge of the consol. "The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone. Take you, for instance." He spoke matter-of-factly, his voice low with a soft rumble to it that left her wondering how much it was changed by the translator. His hands moved, "All this destruction...chaos."

Shepard's gaze turned from the assassin to Nassana, form inert on the console. She could feel his eyes upon her as his casual, confident steps brought him closer.

"I was curious to see how far you'd go to find me."

The knot in Shepard's stomach reasserted itself, lips pressed together in silence. Those who had died had been mercenaries who'd done far worse. The chaos had saved workers trapped in the building. Her thoughts returned to the Eclipse member with the perfect hole through his skull, the armour pierced and his threat disabled succinctly and efficiently.

Her reflective gaze was blocked as Thane stepped across her view, standing in front of Nassana and meeting her eyes.

"Well...here I am."

Shepard held his gaze a moment, expression steely and unyielding of information to match his own stoic one. A hint of curiosity caught in her words though, "How did you know I was coming at all."

Thane held her gaze, striding towards her and forcing her to step aside out of his way. His gait carried him unimpeded, and Shepard's eyes followed, watching him take a place between her and Garrus, the turian's gun still poised.

"I didn't. Not until you marched in the front door and started shooting." He spoke with concise clarity, the words snipped and belying his displeasure in a subtle way that not all may have caught. It didn't escape the Commander.

Hands clasping together low on his back, Thane looked at Garrus as he spoke, scarce a foot from the end of his barrel. The position on any other may have been arrogant, but for the drell it was merely stating the obvious. There was no challenge in it.

"Nassana had become paranoid. You saw the strength of her guard force. She believed one of her sisters would kill her." Thane turned his head just enough to track Shepard's position, noting how she'd turned to watch him. He looked back a little farther, taking her in once more.

"You were a valuable distraction."

"Let's cut to the chase. I need you for a mission." The nights of lost sleep were weighing down Shepard's limbs. Though impressed with Thane's efficiency and skill, she was in no mood for games.

"Indeed?" Thane was looking at Garrus once more, leaving Shepard in his periphery.

"You're familiar with the Collectors?"

The drell turned around, coming to Shepard's side, and she turned with him, both facing the window now, as he took more casual steps away. His gaze carried over the cooling corpse of his target and through the window into the autumnal hues of the lingering day, the sun gone now beneath the buildings that blocked the horizon.

"By reputation."

Drawing a silent breath, Shepard watched him, and shifting her weight onto her hips, crossed her arms to speak. "They're abducting entire human colonies. Freedom's Progress was their handiwork.

His back to her, the drell was silent a moment, before his head dropped in consideration and he quipped, "I see."

"We're going after them."

Turning sharply to match her gaze once more, Thane spoke quickly, "Attacking the Collectors would require passing through the Omega 4 relay. No ship has ever returned from doing so."

Uncrossing her arms, Shepard inclined her head and more lightly said, "They told me it was impossible to get to Ilos, too."

He was looking at her again, and the assassin's own posture relaxed as he admitted, "A fair point." Shepard took the few steps forward to stand aside him once more as his impenetrable gaze turned back to the glowing windows. "You've built a career on performing the impossible."

She kept her eyes upon his face, studying the subtle inflections therein, and behind she could see Garrus and Mordin slowly relaxing their weapons. Though versed with at least a rudimentary dossier of most races in the galaxy, she had never seen a drell outside of vague extranet reports. She wondered if the natures of his expression were a result of his physiology or personality. His eyes almost closed, visage almost revealing before the stoic mask returned.

"This was to be my last job." As if by courtesy his head tilted her way, gaze still prophetically upon the setting sun. "I'm dying." A flicker of concern sparked in Shepard and her eyes refocused upon Thane with greater attention.

"Low survival odds don't concern me. The abduction of your colonists does."

"I hadn't heard that...is there anything I can do?"

"Giving me this opportunity is enough." The gloss securing his expression slipped some, shoulders relaxing as he looked down and spoke to her in quiet introspection, "The universe is a dark place. I'm trying to make it brighter before I die." His professionalism resurfaced as he slowly turned to her.

"Many innocents died today..." He closed his eyes to conceal the true emotion and guilt of his condemning words. "I wasn't fast enough and they suffered. I must atone for that."

Shepard held her tongue in the moments of hesitation before Thane moved, extending his hand. She met his firm shake, his slender hand in control of the motion, an assertive jerk of the wrist that was met with his words, "I will work for you, Shepard. No charge."

Uncomfortable in the assassin's control of the situation, Shepard drew her hand away at the same moment Thane recovered. He clasped his hands together behind him in a militaristic way, and Shepard unconsciously crossed her arms, weight on her hip as she observed him. Though not showing on her lips, a hint of a smile escaped in her words.

"I'm very glad to hear that."


	2. Chapter 2 A Window into Life

All characters/places are property of Bioware and inspiration was taken from playing Mass Effect 2. Consider this your spoiler warning!

Thanks for reading!

* * *

She was swimming in the headspace between sleep and wakefulness again, the quiet bubbling of the massive aquarium nearby the only sound over the silence in her cabin. Others may have heard her breathing and restless shuffling in bed were they present, but none on the ship entreated to the Commander's quarters – they knew better. She could tell it was late, EDI had done her the courtesy of muting her personal station for the night, suppressing the chimes of incoming messages.

_The familiar spittle-clad scream consumed Shepard's senses, and glowing explosions backlit the distorted, contorting, bodies of millions. The shockwave swept through, crumpling the masses to the ground. Frantic panic filled every inch, and a bubble of throbbing pain expanded in her mind. There were faces there she recognized, superimposed familiarity on the contorted Prothean bodies. Expanding, expanding, the screams in every inch, a throb of genocidal glee. Seeing the expanse of planets, each one a chorus of voices lapping though time and snuffing out one by one._

Shepard panted into a cough as she rolled and twisted the sheets around herself, sitting up without thought. The room spun a little, melancholy blues of the tank matching the ripple of fading biotic glow over her limbs. She put a hand over her eyes as though they needed to be kept in, her sight blurry with her pulse, each thud bringing with it a spike of pain. The implants Cerberus had rebuilt her with often ached, sometimes more then others. The Prothean dreams had always left her struggling, but since being… reanimated… the dreams were worse, wrought into more acute physical pain through the changes that had been done to her. She was still discovering what they were. Her chest shook with her breath, frame trembling and sweaty as she tried to gain her bearings.

"No rest for the wicked… am I that bad?" She spoke aloud to herself, hand still covering her features as the static of biotic energy seeped away. Her free hand rested in a loose fist atop the sheets, and slowly it flexed, willing blood into it, willing sensation.

"Commander?"

"Leave me alone, EDI."

"I am sorry Commander, you were speaking in your sleep again."

"That is all, EDI."

"Yes, Commander.

However useful the AI had been, most nights Shepard was tired of her inquisitive, intrusive behaviour. Her hand fell down from her face, head tilting forward in seeming defeat. EDI wasn't just a program. Shepard couldn't fault her for her worry. Just showing concern.

Shepard glanced to the orange glow of the little clock beside her bed. Another two hours. What she wouldn't give for a night she could get three. Her heart was still pressing hard in her chest, straining the veins in her neck and trembling her with the ferocity of its beat.

Nights in space were a construct of the people on the ship, she didn't know why she let their encroachment cause such strain in her. Was it because she knew all the things that were waiting for her when her eyes would finally close and succumb? That she wondered what else her mind would so graciously create to torture her with? The Protheans, even her death she had been growing used to, but lately the memories of her parent's and brother's faces were surfacing amidst it all too.

Fucking batarians. She had blocked some of it for so long, but now – now amidst the dreams of Liara and those seconds in space before she died, she was being shown the sludge in her memories and the last looks on their faces before they died too.

Throwing the bed sheet aside, Shepard showed little hesitation as her bare legs swung off the bed to pull herself up. She felt worse than she had when she'd retired to her cabin after speaking with Thane in life support. She had intrigued him on Ilium, unsettled her – something not a lot of people had the ability to do anymore. Learning of his illness and the fact he was working for her gratis had softened a spot of curiosity inside her.

_I'm trying to make it brighter before I die._

That had made her want to know him more. She had known trained assassins in her life – she was as much a murderer as any of them for all that she'd done. Wasn't that exactly what she was doing – all she had been doing since she joined the Alliance? Just make things a little better for other people so they didn't have to go through it. Hopefully killers were allowed to do that sort of thing.

She stood up straighter as she tugged her pants up, shaking her head at herself as she slowly kept dressing. She left the supportive white tank on, resting her hands on her hips as she hesitated. Her stomach groaned and she ignored it, another point of displeasure that was trying to team up with the throb in her mind.

Mind over matter.

The doors opened for her as she worked her way into the elevator, pressing the button to take her down to the cargo hold. She didn't feel like working tonight, the reading and writing let her mind wander far too much. She needed to push herself hard into exhaustion. Hopefully it would be enough to force her back to sleep.

* * *

A dim beam flickered on down in the cargo hold, the bright point sending a subdued glow up through the window into life support. Thane opened his eyes. For all the years he could remember, he had not been a light sleeper. That would not change now, especially given the circumstances of the situation he had found himself in. The drell sat up on the cot, hand instinctively there upon the pistol he always kept beside him. In his line of work there was not room for idle trust and false fantasies of safety.

The low light was enough for his eyes, and Thane's tension released as he took in the situation. The Commander was in the hold, running upon one of the treadmills there. She had an oxygen mask on, the translucent hose from it linking her to the machine. He watched her from his unseen vantage point as the minutes passed, hands clasped together behind him. Her pace continued unabated the whole time, a run for most, but given Shepard's gait, he imagined this was a steady pace for her.

Her limbs flowed like a well-oiled machine, precise sure strides driven by the continuous flow of conveyer beneath her. She was dressed more casually then he had seen, and Thane imagined there were few who ever saw her dressed so. Why else would she be here when all the rest of the ship was surrendered to sleep?

Thane was suddenly thankful for the fortuitous placement of himself in this small chamber deep in the ship. The human woman down in the hold ran still, her chest rising hard with laboured breaths, despite the feed of oxygen to her mouth. There was no sound but the soft hum of the ship's systems around him, her own blocked off by the glass. He wondered if the ship's AI tracked what Shepard did, recorded her in such private moments. From what he knew of Cerberus, he would not be surprised if the Commander had no true solitude on the ship.

_ Hunched down in the shadows of the vent, a breeze was came round the bend. The dry heat of it soothed the pain in his lungs. World framed by the ocular scope. Mercenary rimmed in golden shields. Frightened, cowering salarians. He pulled the trigger._

Blinking lengthily, Thane focused back down upon the Commander. He was unsure how long he'd lapsed, but she was still running – starting to flag though. There was a darkness about her eyes, her expression fatigued. Her eyes were closed. He wondered if all Alliance military had such discipline in regards to their weaponry. Shepard was a unique specimen - her deeds two years prior had not escaped him.

The light near the treadmill caught on Shepard's skin, a defined reflective glisten giving her a sheen all her own. She was pushing herself hard now, breaking into a sprint upon the machine, head dropped down as her arms pumped aside her. There was no falseness in her features, and Thane could see the strain of her actions, though something else was mingled with it. She tore the breathing mask from her mouth, the intimate but solitary expression revealed to him all the more.

A wash of callous humility caught in his chest and Thane turned away as Shepard slowed on the machine, rolling off amidst the crates with her gun into a series of training exercises. Why did he feel poorly for spying on her? Was he really spying, the activity had roused him from his light sleep. He was in what were his quarters on the ship, not poised to track her actions and follow her movements.

Thane lay back on his cot, the light in the cargo bay on for some time, dwindling into what he imagined were the small hours of morning. Its presence could not escape his notice, and his kempt curiosity kept him from lulling back to sleep. He wanted to give her the privacy she had gone down there seeking. Closing his eyes to remove himself from the temptation, his thoughts slipped away into memories of sweet scents and dry skies, finding comfort and escape in sunset coloured eyes.

* * *

Her body ached as Shepard abandoned her clothes on the floor and leant heavily into the shower. They had been docked in Nos Astra for the past week, and this was her fourth night spent training in the cargo bay - even after tracking down more Blue Suns and obtaining the data Samara needed before joining them. She felt uneasy about the experienced Justicar, something in her features reminded her of how hardened Liara had become. Perhaps that was just an inevitability of living for so long – how could a person escape it? Barely alive for thirty years herself and she felt removed from things, she had to be.

Face tilting up into the water, Shepard opened her mouth to take in deep gulps of the warm, pulsing liquid. She sighed out unconsciously, feeling it rivulet over her sweaty skin. Her pulse defined itself on her outer thigh, a wound from the fire fight that day was still sensitive beneath the knitted, new skin. Medi-gel could work wonders, but she'd have to be more careful on that leg the next week.

I should bathe in it every night, just to be sure. Shepard snickered, the sound reverberating off the metal walls. She had lost count of her injuries long ago – not taking a hit was the rarity. It didn't bother her, most of the time she didn't even let on to her team she was bleeding. An air of invincibility helped them push harder. Not hurting, not having the scars from your battles just meant you weren't trying enough. As long as she ached, she as satisfied.

Tilting her head forward, she let her thoughts dissolve away into the falling water, her hand dropping to turn up the heat. The searing water cascaded over her curves, covering her ears and filling her senses with the quiet rush of falling water, heat across her eyelashes and lips too. These were her few moments to escape before the duties of day swung into motion.

"Commander Shepard?"

Shepard instinctively turned to conceal herself with her arms, looking around for the disembodied voice, the edges of the shower steamy from the heat of the water.

"EDI? What!" There was harsh indignation in her words. Her hand dropped down to reduce the flow of water, leaving it a light mist dropping to fall low against her body.

"There is an encrypted message incoming from the Illusive Man."

The hairs on the back of her neck bristled as her skin cooled, and Shepard closed her eyes, turning the water completely off. She felt like a puppet.

"I've instructed you not to intrude in here."

"It is an emergency, Commander."

Her reply came in a murmur too low for even the AI to detect, and EDI seemed to know better then to force Shepard to repeat.

"I'll be in the comm room in five. Unless you think it best I leave the cabin just like this, EDI?" Her hands ran back through her hair, wringing the water from it as she looked around again, nowhere for her to direct her glare and ire at.

"That may be too much of a distraction for the crew, Commander."

"Then get out."

Shepard was thankful for the silence EDI left her in, and she felt her skin flush a moment as the wave of anger passed through her. She was good at swallowing it, though with EDI she felt little remorse in being curt. She knew she should be more thoughtful, but no one else would have dared to contact her in there. Joker knew she'd rip him a new one if he did.

She was smirking though, eyes closed as she realized EDI's joke.

Oh hey, Illusive Man, how's it going?

Shepard, why aren't you wearing any clothes?

How are the ship weapons upgrades coming, Garrus? Please tell me the guns are loaded and ready to fire…

I could use your help making the universe a bit of a brighter place, …

Shepard knocked her forehead forward against the glass of the shower, abruptly turning to open the door and reach for a towel.

Out of the gutter. Drying quickly, she grabbed a clean set of her uniform to pull on. Adjusting the zipper up the back of her neck, Shepard drew a slow breath.

"EDI?"

"Yes, Commander?"

Shepard hesitated, swallowing her sudden urge to apologize. "I'll be right down." God, what she wouldn't give to get laid. She laughed to herself, and the sound of it warmed a bit as she imagined the confusion it must be giving EDI.

* * *

Walking out of the debriefing with the Illusive Man, Shepard hesitated by the doors and let her breath seep from her. What that man thought to be an emergency left a lot to the imagination. Eyes still mostly closed, Shepard swept her fingers back through her hair, readjusting the tidy bun that she tried to ensure was always in place in front of the crew. As personal as she got with them, in the end, the possibility of so many impending deaths was always a lingering whisper itching in her mind. Too close, and she was worried it might affect things – make the job harder for her.

It hadn't with Liara, why would it now? Shepard's hands dropped as she shushed the voice inside, noticing that Yeoman Chambers was looking at her expectantly. Seeing the commander meet her eyes, Kelly gave a bit of a wave to encourage her over.

"Good morning, Commander."

Shepard naturally smiled. "Good morning, Kelly… did I miss something, or were you roused at an ungodly time too?"

Kelly returned the smile with a playful one of her own, tickled to hear the Commander using her first name. "It's not that early, Shepard."

Turning her wrist, Shepard glanced at her omni-tool, and her expression lightened as she murmured, "Fine, fine."

Smiling still, Kelly's lips widened into a little surprise and her hands moved as she said, "Oh! I thought you'd want this coming out of that meeting." She produced a mug of coffee from the nearby comm station and offered it to the Commander. "Black with sugar, just as you like."

Expression softening, Shepard reached out to cradle the mug, resting her weight on her hip as she leaned closer to the Yeoman, "Now I'm sure you're just trying to get further onto my good side. Did you do something I should know about?" Blinking lengthily, Shepard looked to Kelly, a grin in her eyes as she pulled the cup to her lips, breathing in the warm steam before taking a draught.

Kelly laughed a little, relaxed as ever, and looking at the Commander with a sparkle in her eyes quipped, "No more then usual. I've just seen how you go for the coffee some mornings, figured I'd make it easier on anyone who ran into you."

"Gee thanks." Shepard laughed a bit, relaxing the mug in her hands near her waist, posture proper and straight.

"My pleasure, Commander."

Shepard traced her thumb about the top edge of the mug, wiping away the drop of coffee left there from her sip. Her eyes down a moment before she looked to the Yeoman. "I take it you've had some time to get to know some of the new crew members?"

Kelly tried not to grin as she moved her hands, her voice gaining a little more professionalism, "Well, it is part of my job…" Shepard swallowed the crude joke that came to mind, grinning some of her own as she nodded.

"I'm surprised by Thane's spiritual side." Kelly launched into the words, and once more, Shepard appreciated how she never minced words and intuitively spoke her thoughts. "His psych profile mentioned little of it, and he carries himself with such cold confidence." Her eyes drifted, leaving Shepard wondering what she was thinking.

Looking back to the Commander, Kelly admitted, "I'm not sure if I find him scary or sexy."

Shepard allowed the briefest nod, "A lot of women like bad boys."

"A lot of women? Like you?" There was a playful inflection in Kelly's voice as she motioned to the commander.

"I live a dangerous life. Dangerous men fit right in." Shepard's eyes narrowed a little with her words, her voice softened some as she played along.

"I like you more and more each day, Shepard." Eyes sparkling with entertainment, Kelly was almost laughing, and it seemed no more until Shepard broke the silence with one of her own.

"Thank you again for the coffee, Kelly."

"Anytime, don't forget your messages."

"Mhm." Shepard had already turned away, striding off at a casual pace to the elevator. She wondered where that little foray of conversation would end up, almost rolling her eyes at herself as she sipped more of the coffee, savouring its bitter sweetness.


	3. Chapter 3 Cat's in the Cradle

All characters/places are property of Bioware and inspiration was taken from playing Mass Effect 2. Consider this your spoiler warning!

Thanks for reading!

* * *

"Thane, I don't have your contacts, and I don't have your tracking skills." There was a softness in Shepard's voice as she looked to him, her hand dropping down. She was surprised to learn he was a father, though losing instead of risking Kolyat become like him fitted her impression so far. "Why do you need my help for this?"

"I don't need your help, I want it." Thane was standing with his hands behind his back, chest rigid but shoulders dropped. "The last time I saw my son - " His expression lost its vigour, speaking of what he saw, "They've wrapped her body in sea-vines. Weighted it with stones. He tries to pull from me. Calls for her."

His words came broken, disjointed and unfamiliar - the way poetry sounds. Shepard looked down, recognizing his solipsism, feeling immersed in the intimacy of his memory. She remained quiet as his voice carried on.

"The hanar lift her off the platform. They sing like bells. 'The Fire has gone, to be rekindled anew.' He begs them not to take her away." His complex eyes blink, focused on some distant point in time, clear and laid open in his mind. "They let her body slide into the water. He hits me." His voice grows with indignation and hurt, speaking the words of his son, "'Don't let them! Stop them! Why weren't you-?'"

Thane makes an aggravated, soft sound, his eyes still open wide, expression blank to the emotion that tugs at the edges of his throaty words. "It rains. It always rains on Kahje." His voice is softened, eroded at the edges from the rain. "Warm water pours down his face."

Thane's eyes closed, face turned down in the subtlest way as he shifted, and the movement draws Shepard's eyes back up to him, meeting those black orbs once more as they open.

"I didn't mean to make you relive that." Shepard spoke with tender care, gaze turning aside from him.

"Perfect memory. It is sometimes a burden." Thane's words were more frank then she imagined they could be.

"I'll get us to the Citadel as soon as possible." Shepard made the unspoken promise to him, meeting his eyes and giving him a slight nod. His own inclined in response, professional through and through.

"Thank you, Shepard." Thane held her gaze, "I'll be meditating until you need me."

The drell turned away, dismissing her with an even, slow stride back to the table she so often found him at, and Shepard turned, her own feet carrying her out the door. Standing outside life support, the doors slid shut behind her, and she let out the breath suppressed within her.

Even as a child she could remember people turning to her when they needed strength, when they needed someone they could count on no matter what. More and more she saw that each person she knew had a broken past. They wanted her help knitting it together, filling in the gaps and trying to mend. The desperation she felt from others on the ship made sense to her, borne from the core of the mission that no one spoke about, an impossible path with no map to lead them home.

But Thane was different. In his words, even in the unspoken indications around them, he was asking for _her_ help. He had revealed to her a trove of his past that she imagined he rarely, if ever, had spoke of. Knowing herself, Shepard acknowledged the greater ease that comes with putting memories and feelings like that in their place. Somewhere they wouldn't interfere with what was more important.

She had overheard what some thought of the personal missions she was leading as they gathered intel on the Collectors and their movements. The hints of xenophobia seeped out, especially in relation to her alien friends, their 'petty problems' being a 'waste of humanity's time'. Out of all of her friends it was the most alien ones that had stuck by. She never stopped feeling a well of thankful selfishness when she remembered that Tali and Garrus were nearby.

Shepard knew the value that tying up loose ends had to a solider. Even if it delayed them in one way, she knew that it would account for lives in another. Altruism necessitated personal investment. Showing her crew that nothing was absolute gave them and all their actions substance. The needed connection and reason to persevere, endure, and come home. Though the dark shadows her heart sometimes doubted they would even make it through the relay, the words would never escape her lips. She needed to support them all.

But who will take care of you?

Still standing in the hall outside life support, Shepard looked up from her reverie to glance around. Scant moments had passed and no one had gone by. The crew were at their stations, and shortly she'd be giving the go-ahead to the Citadel. She had planned to anyway, Garrus had gotten word on his betrayer. May as well hit two birds with one stone.

* * *

Mellow blues upon her skin. Glowing even more by the Citadel star vista that flanked her. Eyes weary, for but one moment, the only indication of any weakness. Chestnut tresses neatly drawn back from her smoothing features, the shadows of scars all that remain.

"Thank you for the opportunities you have given me, Shepard. I had accepted the death of my body that day on Illium, but you have shown me that… there is still time." His gravelly, cool voice matched the weight in his features as he looked to her.

"It was the least I could do, Thane. I need you on the mission. One hundred percent." Shepard turned to him, weight resting on her hip as she casually crossed her arms, as she often did, a light but tender smirk passing over her lips. "Need all the men I can watching my back." A chuckled inflection in her words, Shepard's arms dropped to her sides as they turned to continue through the ward.

"It is more then that. I had never truly imagined I would see Kolyat again. I will not forget the gift you have given me through it." Thane clasped his own hands together behind his back, keeping at her side as they walked.

A pair of turians passed by aside them, formal outfits marking them as dignitaries somewhat out of place in the wards. She noted them, eyes ever moving. Darting in the well-lit passages. Observant and intelligent in each moment. Ever watching.

"I help people, Thane. It's what I do." Shepard's voice softened as her roving gaze turned to him, subtle smile there once more. "Loosing sight of what is important isn't."

Thane's eyes met hers as he nodded, taking in details, reliving them in the moment. "Then it seems… I am trying to be more like you." His hands stayed clasped together, stride matching the Commander's as they led away from the markets, moving to linger by the windows that looked out across the other arms of the Citadel.

"Everyone makes me out to be a hero, Thane, but I'm just one person. None of my greatness has ever been accomplished alone. It won't ever be."

"You are too modest, Commander."

Shepard leaned forward, reaching to rest her hands on the railing in front of the window, pensive gaze set to the stars. "How are you feeling?"

"Better then I have in years. I… hope that in time things will mend with Kolyat. Though my deeds in life will always be there in my thoughts, mending… I only hope he will let me try. I know I will." Thane responded succinctly, breathing with deliberate care to conceal the labour needed to draw air.

"I meant your illness, Thane." Shepard had turned while he was speaking, her hip resting on the railing now as she bridged the gap between them to rest a hand upon his upper arm. His head dropped down, expression stoic as ever, wide black eyes reflecting the lights beyond.

_The rifle hit heavy in his shoulder. Slumping weight to the ground, Kalihira guide them. The shadows wouldn't conceal his sound. Rough wheezing broken to sticky coughs. Blossoming, burning pain. Frantic eyes threatening his position._

A rough but quiet sound in his throat, Thane inclined his head to Shepard, calmly replying, "I'm fine, I assure you. I have lived with it a while, and will yet a bit more."

"Fine enough for a drink? Garrus was telling me about a new place – Dark Star. Classier then Chora's." She pushed off the railing, expression lighter now as she looked to him, chuckling and in her casual, confident stance once more, Commander to the core.

Though not one to often drink, the Commander intrigued Thane – he imagined she would have that effect on anyone. She carried herself with a divine grace and confidence, despite the obvious weight that was ever present, often hidden in her eyes. She did what was needed and sacrificed so that others might not have to carry it. He nodded.

"It would be a pleasure, Commander."

She nodded a 'good' as she stood again, motioning for him to come with her, expression amicable and concealing. Others might have trouble reading her true thoughts. They wove through the meagre crowds towards the club, and as always Shepard turned heads, her image known by most of the galaxy. A walking ghost in the streets of the Citadel. Some she acknowledged, offering a smile and inclination, as much a political figure now as she had been when Saren was a threat. Did any of them know the burdens she shouldered for them?

At the bar, Shepard motioned for two drinks, and her gloved hands slipped round the glasses, contrasting against the brightly coloured liquor them. Drifting away they found a table against the wall, sitting with their backs to it, and Thane's brow moved briefly at the pleasant surprise of it.

"Can never be too cautious." His voice rumbled low as he shifted closer to her, that she might hear him over the wash of music and the other patrons.

She nodded in a distracted way, as though she hadn't really heard him. Drink on the low table in front of them, Shepard casually slipped off her gloves and crossed one leg over the other. Taking up the light fushia drink, she reclined back into the chair and tilted her head aside towards Thane.

"Being in places like this help remind me why I take on everything. Seeing people carefree, smiling, trying to find something or just working to lose themselves. Knowing that they still can despite what I know is happening." Her voice was subtle and more intimate then it had been in the streets, her eyes staying on the room before them, but her expression had lost some of its professional veneer.

"You want to protect them." Thane's own lizardly, green digits idly moved about the outside of his own glass, the tilt of his head and direction of his gaze matching her own.

_Blood warm and slippery on his hands. But he was chilled, hard and cold. Gurgled screams, a lung finally punctured. Drowning in it, in pain, hardening his heart from the surface in. It wasn't bringing her back. The blade turns, senses filled with the guttural cries of the pinned Batarian._

Sheppard was quiet for a few moments, expression showing her own flood of unspoken thoughts. Gradually she nodded, even as her free hand waved dismissively, "I want to try. Doesn't someone have to?" Her military veneer didn't waver, and she continued before Thane could reply.

"There is so much expected. It's easier for people to ignore it all. To not even think that someone is handling it – will handle it. I don't… think I've ever let my life be easy." The glass was at her lips after that, quieting them to leave what comments may have followed in her thoughts.

"It is what makes you who you are. It is why people will follow you – why people admire you. It gives them strength to be more then what they are." Glass still untouched in his hands, Thane leaned back more, posture seemingly relaxed but as poised as her own. Fronts for the public all around; she wasn't relaxing.

Her bare hand dropping, Shepard's armour scraped with the movement, the now half-empty glass sinking to rest on her thigh. "Is that so?" There was a hint of playful sarcasm in her words, a flickering smirk on her lips as she cast a side-glance his way.

"Merely my observations, Commander Shepard." The ever-present, subtle rumble in Thane's words helped them blend in with the sounds of the club, expression aloof but beautiful in its repose as he met her gaze.

"Alright…" There was a chuckle in her throat, a true sound as her shoulders pressed back against the seat, stretching to pop her shoulder. The reply gave him nothing, intriguing him all the more. There was silence and observation for a time, the low light dancing and changing as it reached them from the nearby dance floor. Thane shifted a little, seeming exposed even in the booth, his back to a wall. His drink was still full. Shepard's gaze was almost unfocused.

"I can think of many things to inquire of, Commander. You are… intriguing. As you would be to anyone. But this is hardly the place." Thane's words drew her from her reverie, and Shepard looked to him, a moment of clarity in her eyes.

"Isn't it?" Her voice was low in volume, like his, specifically to conceal itself below the din and murmur of the large room. The cup was at her lips again, he could see their outline with ease even in the low light, eyes suited for the dark.

"No. I would rather you be able… to be yourself." The inflection of curiosity rumbled in his quiet words, fingers caressing about the surface of the full glass tumbler clasped with both his hands.

Shepard's own glass was empty, eyelashes veiling her downcast eyes, a calculated consideration in them. Moving to place the glass down on the table at her shin, she didn't meet his gaze, dark eyes still upon her.

"That isn't a luxury I often have, Thane."

The lilt of her voice revealed something she longed for. There was an approving murmur of sound in his throat, his lungs burning thickly as he slowly drew breath, eyes following her hands.

"Something tells me you often do without it yourself." The reclusive quiet had seeped away from Shepard's tone, turning the tables on him. She slipped back into her comfortable skin, watching him with as much of an appraising eye. Thane shifted with a certain discomfort under her scrutinizing gaze. He put his glass down as well. In his periphery he could see her slowly forming smile.

"We should return to the ship. It's been a long day."

"Of course, Commander." Thane rose to his feet as he replied, allowed to escape her observations as she had some of his. Shepard clapped a hand on his shoulder, nodding to him as they circumvented the smooth white table and strode out of Dark Star in silence.


	4. Chapter 4 Friendly Fire

"I am - I had been recording a message for Kolyat." Thane sat at the table with his hands clasped, watching the seat Shepard took. It had been a few days since they had left the Citadel, tracking through systems and relays to find their way to the Migrant Fleet.

"How are things going with him?" Shepard sat forward in the chair, her own clasped hands resting down on the table as she looked up to him.

"It is difficult." What seemed like a smile formed on the drell's lips, a rarity that didn't escape Shepard. "All things worth keeping are."

"I never explained - I suppose the story of my wife's death took you by surprise." Broken inflection shaped Thane's words as he met Shepard's gaze unabashedly. The nature of his eyes made it difficult for her to look away.

"I figured you'd explain to me when you were ready."  
"I appreciate your patience." The inclination of Thane's head to Shepard was a courtesy. Though their talks had been growing in frequency, she was unobtrusive. Her queries carried honest curiosity and care, something more then he had heard from any in a very long while.

The details and scent of Irikah's skin surfaced in his mind, and Thane turned in his chair, rising as he spoke, uneasy in the intimacy of his memories. "I kept my work clear of our home life. I assumed that would be enough to protect Irikah." He turned back around, Shepard's eyes following him with kind-hearted attention.

Shepard stayed as Thane spoke, his movements belying his unease, "That memory I mentioned before -- _Laser dot trembles on the target's skull. The smell of spice on the spring wind. Sunset eyes defiant in the scope_." The unnatural void that had took his expression during recollections evaporated, and he moved.

"That was Irikah. That was how I met her." Thane paced as he spoke, and Shepard watched him with a growing curiosity. "She saw my targeting laser as she walked by and threw herself in the way." She hadn't seen him so rattled, though his voice kept the same low calmness.

"I guess she impressed you."

"She woke me up." Thane's gaze faltered in its focus on Shepard, caught in solipsism once more, "_Her body trembles. Not fear. Indignation. Her mouth moves, 'How dare you!'_" Quick blinks scarcely veiled his dark eyes as they refocused. "You and I trained to sacrifice ourselves to save others." His eyes wandered in the growing ease of Shepard's presence. "How often does a civilian step in the way of a bullet to protect someone they've never met?"

Speaking with perfect recollection, Thane confessed with slow care, "I thought she was the goddess Arashu. She met my eyes through the scope... and my purpose faltered."

The hint of a smile caught the edges of Shepard's lips, curious as she inquired, "So how did she go from blocking your shot to having your children?" Her words had more of a teasing bite then intended, some jealousy at this foreign thing she had never touched.

"I had to meet her. The memory possessed and endowed me." Thane's expression grew more amicable then it had ever been, gripped still by the thought of her. He leaned forward onto the table more, "I fell on my knees before her. Begged her pardon. She introduced me to the world beyond my work." Thane's hands moved with animation as he explained, and the melancholy weight of memory seeped back into his gaze as it shifted off Shepard's. "Eventually, she forgave me. Later she loved me."

"When you talked to Kolyat, you said she died." Shepard spoke delicately, and the look upon Thane's face made her regret the intrusion. He looked down, shamed, defeated in a way she had never seen.

"I let myself become complacent. I thought Irikah and Kolyat were safe." His voice grated with self-condemnation, looking back up to her, "I stayed away too long, and my enemies came for her."

"Who came for her?"

"Batarians." A knot of tension gripped in Shepard's throat. Thane's brow narrowed his eyes with disapproval, hardening his expression. "A slaver ring that was preying on hanar outer colonies. I'd killed their leaders." He met her eyes and she swallowed the feelings in her gut.

"They paid the Shadow Broker to find out who I was." Blame-laden defeat crept into his voice, "But they were afraid of me, so they went after her."

"You told Kolyat that you hunted her killers down."

Thane drooped subtly, his gaze faltering, "Irikah woke me up." Shepard could see the difficulty in his words. He blinked longer then needed. "When she passed, I returned to my battle sleep." Still his shoulders stayed down, suppressed by weight as he looked back up to her in confession, "My body hunted her killers. Murdered them."

Though he looked at her, Thane's eyes were unfocused, "I was taught to grant death quickly, cleanly. To minimize suffering." His gaze faltered, voice darker, "Them - I let them linger."

"You were operating on instinct." Shepard's expression matched the intimacy of her voice, the knot in her throat laden as much with her own memories as with the regret of leading Thane to this place. She couldn't help but feel thankful for her imperfect memory. "By your own rules you can't blame yourself." Couldn't she think of anything better to say?

"But I made the choice to hunt them." Thane's words were self-condemning, "They're the only lives I've ever taken of my own choice." He shook his head, distracted as his eyes narrowed, "The only deaths on my own conscience." His hand on the table pushed him back in his chair, his eyes focusing just below hers.

"I haven't spoke about my wife in -" Thane looked up, drawing a hesitant breath as he steadied his voice, "I don't think I ever have. I didn't have anyone left to tell it to."

Touched by his openness, Shepard's own gaze meandered, and she spoke with feeling, "Maybe I haven't been as upfront as I should be." She pushed herself past the restraint in her chest, looking to him as she softly said, "I'm here for you, Thane. Whatever you need." Her fingers wove together on the table, linked to prevent from fidgeting.

"You - You are very kind." He nodded, not quite looking at her in the awkward tension of the moment. His posture relaxed, leaning towards her on the table to clasp his hands, once more in control of his station. Shadowed eyes upon her, she kept the strength to meet them as he spoke, "Thank you for listening, siha."

Shepard almost smiled as she moved a bit, loosed from the trap of her emotions, "I think my translator just glitched. What did you call me?" Looking at him, her head tilted with curiosity, but it seems he had indulged her enough.

"''Siha'." He was actually smiling as his clasped hands came up, allowing his chin to rest against them. The inflection exacerbated the flutter in Shepard's stomach. "Someday I'll tell you what it means."

* * *

"Okay people, let's make sure we have our training rounds in." Shepard stood up straight, finishing her stretching as she looked amidst the group she'd picked for the day's scenario. She wondered if they were getting predictable and wondered if the ghost mechs she'd had Tali help assemble would come as a surprise, curious and hopeful for a reaction she'd be pleased with.

There was a quiet murmur amidst those present, but Shepard didn't care, her reminder would ensure that if any forgot, the blame was squarely on them. The training rounds were designed to shatter on impact, attuned to the frequency of their shields to pack a punch but leave nothing but a fine dust.

"Garrus, Jack, you're with me." Tali sat nearby on one of the cargo containers, and she shifted with Shepard's words, betraying her amusement of what was to come. Thane's eyes were on the quarian.

"Not making things even, Commander." Garrus loaded a new heat sink into his rifle, a swagger in his step as he sidled up alongside Shepard.

"Well, the boys said they wanted a challenge. Can't let their egos get too big after yesterday's skirmish." Shepard's motions were by the book and without thought, checking and resetting the necessary points of her pistol. She looked between Jacob, Thane and Grunt with obvious amusement.

"Better be watching for my bullet where your mouth is, Shepard." Grunt's aggressive challenge rumbled back in response to her teasing. Jack was animated at her side, light on the balls of her feet and eager to expend. Shepard turned aside and murmured something to the biotic, eliciting a cruel laugh from her and a ripple of blue energy over her skin.

"Wouldn't want to break their pretty faces." Jack's words were snide, and her smile was equally so, her unnatural lust for violence prevalent in them.

"No need to go easy on us. Unless you're asking for the same?" Thane spoke but didn't grant them his attention as he reassembled his own rifle with care, fitting each piece together with precision.

"Bring your best. These exercises have no meaning if you aren't pushing yourself. We'll begin in two." Shepard motioned to her partners, casting Thane a look as they jogged off back into the cargo hold. Tali moved off the nearby crate, taking a vantage point that would keep her out of the fire, the glowing datapad in her hand dancing about.

Crouched deep near the back, Shepard kept a periphery eye on the other squad as they disappeared, trying to track their position. "Jack, you have the speed for Grunt, Garrus you out-match Jacob."

"Commander, that's unfair –" Garrus injected but was cut off.

"What's unfair? Doing as your superior officer tells you?" Her words were part play. "I want to see how much of a challenge Thane is."

Jack made some half-assed remark that Garrus laughed at, only partially caught by Shepard. She shot the woman a look, but Jack only offered a smirk in reply. Shepard's voice became harder with authority, "Take your positions, comm. chan 2. And be prepared for the unexpected."

"Yes, sir." Jack's reply was mocking, but she turned away none the less, keeping a low profile to skirt away to a different position of cover.

"They'll have a plan of their own, Garrus." Shepard moved around the edge of the crate, eyes scanning upwards through the hold, looking for points of cover and vantage. "Just take down Jacob."

"Aye, Commander." Garrus' words toyed with her too, and she growled inside at having missed their comment. She wanted them to keep their head in the game. Perhaps Garrus and Jacob less then others, but Jack and Grunt needed these drills. Their success hinged as much on their skill as working together as a unit, covering and blocking to draw fire and suppress it.

Sinking down, Shepard stayed in a low crouch as she sprinted to the far side, leaning against the wall of the hold to slink behind one of the pockmarked crates for cover. Amidst the movement, her eyes swept across the field, catching sight of the top of Grunt's armour. Steadying round the edge of the crate, she turned and shot, the bullet grazing his shield with a ripple of energy. It quickly disappeared down and she almost snickered.

"Catch that, Jack?" Shepard whispered heatedly into the team com. Her pulse was gaining needed speed as her limbs tensed, body easily responding to the impending combat.

"Yea, yea."

The silence hung a few moments as each worked their position, and Shepard was pleased with the relative stealth of her team – and of the other's. Her eyes still scanned, expecting the abnormal from Thane. He wouldn't be working on a direct assault like Grunt and Jacob. She wondered if there had been any organization or establishment of command. They were three strong personalities, and she'd placed them together exactly for that reason. Something told her they would have fallen under Thane's experienced instruction.

The sound of a biotic warp bubbled in the air, and Shepard poised to look for the light of it, tracking where it was. She heard Jack cuss on the comm and held in another snicker.

"Problems, Jack?" Garrus picked up on it though, and the thick sarcasm in his words made Shepard's grin grow.

The crack of gunfire broke out in reply, and Shepard butted her back against the wall again, eyes darting to look for the source, catching the flicker of bullets on the far side of the hold. Using the distraction to cover her movements, Shepard advanced to a new position, mostly sticking along the wall as she continued scanning for her target. A repetitive pulse of bursts echoed in the space, the sound of Jack's shockwave bringing with it another volley of bullets.

The thud of her pulse was separate from her battle senses, swallowed down in her belly, her dilated eyes methodically checking the catwalk high above. There was a ledge below where Grunt's quarters were. Higher crates on the far left. Grunt's movements caught her attention again, brazen and aggressive as always.

"Grunt's exposed, four o'clock from his cabin."

Stepping forward into the cover of another crate, Shepard propped up over the edge of it just as much as needed, and focusing her biotics, she let a pulse of energy flow down her arm. The crackling orb soared in an arc, hitting Grunt and succeeding in lifting him a bit off the ground. Elbow dropping to her crate-cover, Shepard took aim with her pistol and fired at the off-balance krogan, her own bullets joining the swarm of bug bites over his shield. The aggravated yell from Grunt's lips made her smile as she ducked back down. The gunfire continued, sounds of the shots filling the echoing space.

"Good volley." Hand to the side of her helmet, Shepard switched channels and whispered to her cohort, "Okay Tali, start them up."

In her moment of distraction, Shepard had left the gap behind her unguarded, and her heart leapt in her throat as lithe arms snagged her body and jerked her back. Her grip tightened on her pistol as she failed to whip her attacker with the butt, an equally wiry movement pinning it back. Freezing a moment, her muscles tensed for her next action. Thane's voice came close aside her helmet, the sound almost an intimate purr, setting her pulse alight.

"You gave your position away, Shepard."

"Jacob's shields are overloaded, he's down." Garrus' voice chimed in her ear.

Shepard moved with a sudden jerk to roll her shoulder and break free, but Thane countered, and with a twist he slammed her forward against the crate, hand upon her own, pinning her pistol. She could see him in her periphery, thankful for the tinted faceplate on her helmet concealing her flushed expression, the curse on her lips only making it to Tali's ears.

"Commander?" Tali's sweetly accented voice fed to her.

Thane's eyes remained focused down on her, when one of the more fragile crates nearby exploded, revealing a trio of heavily armed mechs within. The echo of gunfire shifted as Shepard tried to take in her position.

"I've been doing this a lot longer than you. You're down, Shepard." His words were plain and just loud enough for her to hear, voice almost low lost in the sounds of gunfire around them. Was he toying with her?

Bullets dusted against Thane's shield, the impacts wavering his footing, and he rolled off the crate to try and take his hostage with him. Shepard's shields shimmered, catching some of the bullets as she wrenched her left shoulder to just barely break free. Pain rippled through the socket as she caught her balance.

"Shepard! I've got Thane's posi - oh." The last syllable caught Garrus' words, and Shepard could tell she wasn't going to hear the end of it later. No time. She took advantage of the opportunity to sprint from her captor, free hand tugging biotic force to pull a few crates cross the back of her path. She switched back to her team comm as she moved. Tucked down into cover once more, and Shepard turned about face, meeting one of the mechs as they exposed her presence.

"Ran right into mechs." Shepard hissed under her breath, rolling aside again as the mech's gun tracked a line of bullets after her. The movement crunched her shoulder and the flash of white pain over her eyes proved its dislocation.

"Got my own problems, Shepard." Jack's voice strained in reply, and a few cries deeper in the cargo hold melded into gunfire.

"How many of these things did you put out here, Commander?" Garrus' rough voice still had an amused edge, reinforcing to Shepard that he'd seen her caught by the enemy. A clipped explosion shook through the hold, bringing Shepard's senses back.

"Whoops." Jack.

"Tali's choice."

Shepard turned, hearing the advancing, heavy step of a mech and tracing the scope of her pistol up, fired a clip into near overheating at the key joint in the mech's head. Dropping the heat sink, she caught her breath, adrenaline pumping as she ducked into cover again. The robotic whirr of the mech's sensory devices crackled, and steeling herself again, Shepard turned and finished the job, dropping the mech to the ground.

"Lucky us!"

In a moment of exposure, Shepard felt a round hit her slumped shoulder, and she instinctively pulled into cover as her shield rippled back strong. It hadn't dropped, she was still in the game.

Jack's edgy laugh broke out on the radio, followed by her exuberant words, "Yea, got that big lout down finally, his shield's go– aww fuck."

"Two on one, Shepard." Thane's voice interjected on the communal channel.

"Eyes wide, Garrus."

"Mm."

Halfway through the cargo bay she could hear the steady, clunking movement of another few mechs. The heavy hitters had been eliminated, leaving the trio with more refined finesse to turn it into a head game. Goosebumps rose on Shepard's skin, senses alight as she took in her surroundings, breathing steady and quiet. She kept her barrier down, not wanting to peg herself any brighter then she needed to be.

"Position, Garrus."

"Eight from the lift."

"I'm twelve and twenty. Moving for the mechs."

Her feminine form creeping on a low centre of gravity, Shepard swivelled around past the collapsed mech aside her to silently sweep back towards the ungraceful sounds. Keeping as much cover as possible, she moved quickly, her precise aim taking down another of the mechs to leave just two scouting for them.

"Nice one, Shepard." Tali's encouragement chimed from an unseen vantage. She realized they'd all be watching them now, seeing who was next. Two snipers and vanguard. She'd be the determinant. The heavy discharge of Thane's rifle echoed in the bay, redirecting the mechs, and she heard Garrus on the intercom. Shepard's understanding of turian gave her enough indication of his choice, untranslatable words.

"He's seen me. He's at four, I'll draw him out."

"The mechs are tracking him."

"No time, Shepard. Switching to assault."

In scarce a breath, the air filled with the rapid echoes of an assault rifle, and Shepard's eyes traced where they hit. She saw Garrus exposed at the opposite end of the cargo hold, and wondered if it'd be enough to tempt Thane out. Something told her no.

The green glint of his scales caught her eye alongside as the crackle of hit shield. He moved with stealthy precision, and Shepard matched his movements, sprinting in cover to be closer, pistol trained on his position.

"Agh shield's out." The frustration in Garrus' voice was obvious, and beyond her vision he put his hands up in surrender. Shepard was already firing, the full clip unloading with rapid succession, precise marksmanship letting the bullets fly. Thane moved as they hit, a slink sprint eliciting a grin from Shepard as she traced him, her other hand moving at will, directing a biotic pull. Her shoulder screamed, and she dropped her arm once the crackle of mental energy arched to hit the drell.

It pulled him just enough from the cover he was seeking, and the mechs found their mark, their fast rapport of bullets breaking the last bit of shield. A cry of success and amusement came from the peanut gallery and Shepard let the breath out of her. Turning with scarce hesitation she dropped the heat sink and in two successive clips, eliminated the last two mechs as their attention turned to her.

Watching the machines fall to the ground, Shepard let her weight plunk back on the crate she'd been using as cover. Holstering her pistol, she reached up and took off her helmet, running her gauntlet-clad hands over her forehead to wipe her sweaty hair back in place. Her pulse thrummed with adrenaline, and catching her breath, she looked over to see Garrus weaving his way over to her, grinning at her with smug satisfaction.

* * *

"Sorry to wound your pride, Thane."

"My pride?" There was subtle amusement in his calm words.

Shepard still sat on the crate she'd been on since the end of their friendly fire, the position letting her keep her shoulder immobilized. She hadn't let on she'd been hurt as the others came to laugh and talk, evaluating what had occurred, what could be improved upon, and what had worked.

"I didn't think we'd be able to draw you out like that."

"I saw necessity in the game's end. You've been hurt." Thane motioned to her shoulder, and she looked, following the motion before her eyes returned to him. His hands clasped back behind him, his own shoulders relaxed and chest broad as his head slightly tilted to look at her.

"Really, I'm fi-" Shepard laughed the words, only to be cut off.

"I felt the joint pop when you pulled away. There isn't much point in hiding it from me. Give me your hand." He held out his hand for her.

Shepard's brow was raised in slight surprise, and her parted lips closed as she considered it. She made to move her left hand, and the stiff pain of the dislocation jarred down her arm, causing her to suck in a breath.

"Yea I'm hurt, happy?"

Thane's expression shifted and he almost chuckled, "No. I wasn't trying to get you to move to prove anything." Stepping in closer to her, he slipped his palm in hers to take and direct her arm. "I planned on helping reset it."

Shepard grit her teeth a little more as he moved her arm. She spoke with tension in her voice, knowing what was to come from having injured the same shoulder before. "You know enough about human physiology to do that?"

"Indeed. I study the anatomy of the most prominent species in the galaxy as part of my ongoing training." His hand was softer then she imagined, much akin to her own skin, and she drew a slow breath as he moved her arm.

"Let me get my armour off so we can do this right."

"Not your first dislocation, I take it?"

Shepard groaned a bit as she released his hand, moving with care to unlatch and slip off her gear. "Nope… I think I've lost count."

"Why didn't you do it yourself?" Thane stood back as Shepard slowly removed her armour, a slight discomfort in his throat. The glisten of sweat on her bare skin reminded him of spying her down here in the night. He pulled himself out of the memory.

"It wasn't too bad till I stopped." Shepard's tank top caught some as she pulled the final piece off her shoulder, adding it to the pile beside her. Exhaling out, she gingerly prodded a few fingers over the skin, the dark hint of bruising already visible. "And it sets better when someone else does it."

"Mm." Thane reached to take her hand again, guiding it to create a ninety-degree angle with her elbow. Shepard tensed with anticipation of the coming discomfort, and he hesitated.

"I'm impressed with what good shape you keep yourself in. You are a finely sculpted tool." Her hand was sweaty in his, and Shepard's gaze turned up at his words, and he turned her wrist in towards her chest, keeping the angle at her elbow. Her eyes twitched, her shoulder muscles weak and not working right.

"I…thank you?" Her voice was quiet and breathy, prepared for pain. His other hand reached to cradle her elbow. She folded her fingers into a fist as he clasped her wrist, keeping her forearm steady.

"Few have such discipline." Thane spoke more quietly than normal, his body and breath close to hers. His eyes turned away from hers to follow his hands.

"I-.." Shepard's words cut away, a hard huff of air escaping her lips as he slowly turned her lower arm outwards, the tensile strain magnifying. Pushing further, she held her breath, forcing herself to relax and leaving her arm in his care until her shoulder finally coaxed back into the joint with a last zing of pain.

"That's it." Shepard pushed the words out, opening her eyes upward as she released the pent breath in her. The throb in her shoulder pulsed tenderly, but the relief on her face was obvious.

"I am … sorry, siha. I had never meant to harm you."

"What do you mean, you just fixed me." Shepard's words had a hint of laughter in them, looking up as he turned her arm back to rest it in her lap. The intimate inflection in his voice piqued her interest.

"Out there, I meant." He held onto her arm a little too long before realizing his place and letting go. "I fell into the motions of my body a little too much for my own comfort."

Shepard's good hand swept aside to motion to the bare bit of crate beside her, pushing back her dismantled armour. She was surprised at how comfortable she was with him, layers peeled back, exposed, senses attuned in a swim of endorphins. She had tried to sweep aside the nickname he'd given her, keen on leaving it in his hands to bring up. Hearing it on his lips made her nervous in a way she liked a little too much.

"That's the point of these exercises, Thane. I want you to push yourself." Shepard spoke in a breath, eyes turning back to him.

He lifted a hand to decline her invitation, suddenly uneasy with her casual demeanour. Though at times he felt like he could read her in a way the others didn't, causing her this pain had disrupted something in him. He was losing his grip on the situation.

_Her body tensed, trapped in locked arms. Breathing caught, like her. Strength lied beneath the waves. The sound of gunfire echoes overhead, framing the moment. The proximity and closeness brought a familiar scent, clean coolness._

"I'll keep that in mind." Thane finally replied, unsure of the seconds that had ticked away as his gaze met her own inquisitive one. Her expression was asking where he'd been. He inclined his head, "I should return to my meditations."

"Of course… thank you for, well," Shepard laughed casually, reaching her good hand out onto his arm, "For fixing the mess I made. You won back there. Had to hurt myself to get away."

"We'll see." Thane turned away from her, his hands drawn behind him to clasp together where she could see, and his pace carried him away to the lift.


	5. Chapter 5 The Collector Ship

Shepard panted in a hard breath, her muscles screaming as she ducked down behind cover once more, the air filled with the blitz of gunfire and moans of the husks. The smell of burnt metal and flesh permeated the air, mingled with age and must. Her shoulder felt like it was about to give out, but she roused herself again.

Looking down the ramp, she threw her arm what was needed, sending the pulsating, spiked shockwave in a wide line down through the advancing husks. Their bodies limply flew aside, caught in a crackle of blue light, and Shepard huffed hard as she checked her gun again. Thane and Garrus traced the limp bodies, precise hits exploding in the manipulated flesh and spilling vital fluids. The waves seemed unending, and the ship about them groaned, vibrating with the heavy movement through it.

The digital blip of her shields reasserting themselves bolstered her nerve, and she turned again to sprint to the next visible bit of cover, pegging one husk in the head, only to be caught in the flailing arms of another. Her pace broken, she turned fluidly to smash the butt of her gun in its face, levelling it to the ground, allowing her to shoot it too.

Her back fell heavy against the odd abutment along the wall, and licking her lips, Shepard tried to let her breathing catch up with her hurried pulse. They'd been sprinting hard to get to the shuttle, the Collector ship rapidly coming to life around them. Her anger at the Illusive Man wasn't swallowing away so easily. Sending them into a fucking trap. The rising ire in her made it easier to ignore the ripping pain in her shoulder, and she forced it to respond, turning to send another biotic charge through the advancing drove.

Sweat in her eyes, Shepard shook her head, spattering it away and obscuring the edges of her visor with the droplets. She was firing again, instinct carrying her to eliminate the targets in time with her companions, a cohesive squad of precise hits eroding the wave of husks. Reaching the bottom of the ramp, Shepard took in the situation and heard Joker as she saw heaven's light - the hull of the Kodiak drop shuttle waiting for them down the passage.

"We're out of time, Commander! We have to go!"

They were still running, backs to the shuttle as they covered their tail with fire. "You heard the man - everybody onto the Normandy!" Shepard looked over her shoulder to ensure her men were turning for the lifeline, keeping a steady spray of fire to cover their unguarded tracks.

"Move!" Staggered footsteps carried her backwards, another husk's head exploding as Shepard finally relented and turned for the shuttle. The door slid closed behind her with uncanny precision.

Thane caught Shepard as she all but collapsed into the shuttle, their secured presence on the ship all the pilot was waiting for. The combat cockroach moved with jarring speed, throwing them all against the wall. The panic of the situation left little time for finesse, and they were on their knees in the cabin as the shuttle shot away towards the Normandy.

Still trying to catch her breath, Shepard ripped off her helmet, the glisten of slicked blood up her neck catching her partner's eyes. Thane couldn't help but notice the similarity the crimson hue gave her to his fellow drell. He couldn't speak.

"Shepard..." Garrus interjected, even as the Kodiak pitched again, the lights of the Collector ship flickering to brightness outside the windows of the shuttle. Already she was pulling away from Thane, ignoring both of them. She was on her feet while they sunk into the seats that lined the small hold.

The frantic memory of their last encounter with a Collector ship briefly surfaced, draining the colour from her skin and accentuating the cerise glisten on her skin. The adrenaline in her veins wouldn't allow her to let up until they were clear and safe. It could all end now. Flames and silence all over again.

Shepard's breath was still coming in pants, the throb of her pulse hard in her ears as she tried to take in the situation. The air was cool against her skin, blood and sweat cloying to it. She shouldered her pistol. She looked to the turian and drell without a word, the concern more evident on Garrus' face. But she could see it in Thane. She'd care about that later. Once they were on the Normandy.

"ETA!" She demanded, hitting open the hatch to where the pilot was.

"30 seconds, Commander."

Rolling aside, Shepard planted a hand on either side of the shuttle's windows, leering out to see the looming hull of the Normandy closing in to swallow them. The warm trickle of blood tickled down the side of her neck and she twitched a bit, ignoring it. Joker better not have hesitated just to save their skin.

Scarce secure in the docking bay, Shepard turned and hit the door open, missing Thane and Garrus' words as she sprinted out of the shuttle. There was no time to think. No time for waiting. Slunk through the hold, she took the service tube at double time, hauling herself up the confined space with laborious breaths. Hoisted into the science lab, Mordin looked at her with clinical concern. She didn't stop.

The Normany sprang to life, though it only granted Shepard a modicum of relief as she kept at top pace, tearing past the CIC towards the bridge. Joker's hands flew across the controls as he glanced back at her approach, armoured steps hard and heavy to bring her up behind him. Out the window she could see the sunlight glow of the Collector's weaponry charging, and panic steeled in her lungs. She reached to steady herself on the back of Joker's chair.

The piercing sound of splitting energy filled the air, and the starboard windows of the ship burst into glowing yellow as the Collectors fired, narrowly missing the ship as it swerved port.

"I can't dodge this guy forever, EDI. Get us the hell outta here!" Joker's fingers nimbly danced through the superimposed, glowing orange controls.

"Specify a destination, Mr. Moreau."

The blazing brilliance of the particle beam nearly grazed by the ship again, the shots lighting up the windows like day. Shepard blinked lengthily, still breathing roughly, senses swimming, body still tensed for what might come. Joker looked exasperated.

"Anywhere that's not here!" Like he had to ask.

It seemed at any moment the Normandy would be suffering again, that the beam would sweep through her like butter. Shepard braced herself. She couldn't peel her eyes from the surrounding windows, afforded a view of the precarious shots that darted about the ship as Joker's lissom fingers kept them from the scythe.

"Very well. Engaging mass effect core."

With the charge of the Normandy's drives engaged, the ship flew into the stars, narrowly escaping the wrath of the Collectors where it had failed once before.

Joker's hands slapped down on the panel, releasing out the breath in him as he swivelled back to Shepard.

"You know Commander, I - holy shit!" Joker pressed back into his seat as he saw Shepard's grisly visage. She looked down to him, eyes still wide and intense, full of adrenaline.

"Think ya might be challenging Garrus with that one." Joker's voice wavered as he tried to keep it light, eyes dancing aside to keep from staring at the blood down her neck and spilt over her suit.

Shepard's hardened expression cracked and she laughed once, suddenly realizing they'd escaped. She pried her fingers from the side panel she was gripping. "Great." She reached and hit Joker's chair, "Nice flying."

"Well I figured better to get us out of there then piss myself at the thought of losing her again, what can I say." Moreau kept the demeanour, unable to stop looking back at her, wondering how she was still standing.

Finally catching her breath, Shepard could feel Joker's eyes on her, and turning aside she murmured, "It's just blood and sweat, Joker."

"Ahh yea... right." He wasn't convinced, but he knew better then to lecture her.

Shepard's pulse hurt in her head and shoulder, its weight hanging limply at her side as she stalked down from the bridge. The crew was still in a flurry checking systems and monitoring their flight path, but the few that looked at her looked away equally as fast - and all stayed out of her way. Except for Kelly.

"Shepard, please tell me you're heading to see ."

"Get me the Illusive Man."

On a war path toward the armoury, Kelly stepped in Shepard's way to try and redirect her. "He'll still be there to talk to after you visit the med bay."

Shepard's hand coiled into a fist as she looked at Kelly, and the Yeoman cringed as their eyes met. Her pulse was still thrumming hard and the pain was just starting to seep through, her shoulder stiffening as her body started reminding her of the damage it'd taken.

"Please, Shepard." Kelly touched the Commander's left arm, eliciting a slight flinch from her, "It's better for the crew if they don't see you literally coming apart at the seams."

The fight bled out of Shepard and she closed her eyes, stopping in her tracks. Kelly knew just the thing to say. She should have given the Yeoman more credit. The drying sweat sent a shiver through her, and moving her neck she could feel the caked blood cracking on her skin.

"Alright, I'll go down."

* * *

"You're not usually so careless, Commander." chided her patient as she continued to work at cleaning the wound where her armour had been sheared apart. Shepard sat on the med-bed obediently, stripped down to her waist to leave just the tank-top she often wore under her armour. It was less bland today, darkened with drying blood.

"There wasn't time."

scoffed a little, ever amused by the Commander's tough-guy attitude, despite the more relaxed conversations they'd had. She shook her head as she sighed, "You'll need stitches, medi-gel just won't be enough to hold it."

Shepard closed her eyes as the doctor pricked her with a needle, further numbing the wound low on her neck. She left her hands complacently in her lap, thinking for a moment how appropriate a stiff drink sounded.

"If you'd just applied it..."

"Yes, I know, doctor." There was mild irritation in Shepard's voice, her nerves still raw and testy from the fight. She wanted nothing more then to go yell at the Illusive Man, but they'd not reached the comm buoy yet.

"And I know you know. That just makes it worse, I'm afraid." spoke with slight exasperation, looking to Shepard as she prepped the sutures. "It was nice of you to come see me about that shoulder, too."

Shepard kept her eyes closed, chin dropping down as the energy sustaining her from the foray on the Collector's ship started to ebb away, leaving a burning core of anger behind. The whole-body ache that throbbed with her slowed pulse satisfied her though. They hadn't lost the ship. They hadn't lost anyone on the ship. They could have.

Lifting her head she looked out through the window of the med-bay, catching Garrus' roving gaze a moment. He was talking to someone. She could see his expression lighten as he saw her, and he gave a nod before turning back towards the battery. Shepard's eye twitched as she felt a prick at her shoulder, and she looked to the doctor. It reminded her of waking up on the Cerberus base. She still didn't like needles. A slight burning seeped into the tissue before more relief took hold, the bruise at the joint dark, though greened at the edges.

The med-bay doors slid open and Thane walked in. Shepard's eyes were closed, face tilted down into her lap.

"Ah hello, Mr. Krios."

"Doctor." Thane offered a courteous reply, and Shepard opened her eyes, feeling suddenly exposed. She was used to her team coming and checking on her when she was in the med-bay. They all worried about her - she knew that. She just tried to shrug it off. No shrugging today with the numbness taking hold.

"Shepard." He offered her the same kindness, and Shepard's head lifted to look his way, able to see the hidden concern in the subtleties of his expression. It soothed something, and a second needle prodded into her shoulder, twitching her eye again.

He raised a hand, "I'm not hurt."

coughed a dry laugh, before lightly saying, "See, I'm not the only one who worries about you, Commander."

Shepard stayed her tongue, wanting to snap about the Collector's particle beam. How it had looked in the ship's windows. How their ship had smelled, how it had looked, the walls like sagging flesh. Her pulse was rising again. She was the last thing they needed to worry about.

"Just stay calm, your blood pressure rising doesn't help me." The doctor's hands moved with nimble grace, starting to suture the wound together with a speed that always surprised her. Putting Shepard back together was something she'd gotten rather good at.

Thane kept his eyes upon her, almost clearing his throat as he brought her helmet up, the fingers of his free hand tracing where it had warped. "It should be an easy repair. It must have happened when your shields dropped in that last push."

He toyed with it. Fidgeting only a moment. It was unlike him. Shepard looked up from his hands, the muscles about her eye twitching again as worked through the tight sutures. "Thank you, Thane." She drew a slow deep breath, looking away. "I'll come see you when I'm patched."

Thane's hands turned to rest the helmet down aside Shepard on the medical bed, not letting it make a sound. "I look forward to it." He was gone again with equal quiet.

"He does have a ravishing voice, you know."

Shepard almost choked on her breath, opening her eyes to look at the doctor, who was grinning as she hesitated in her work.

"This won't work if you keep moving."

"Dr. Chakwas, I app-"

"Oh Shepard, I'm just having a little fun with you." The doctor's accent added to the dryness to her humour. "Think I didn't pick up how you looked at him? You used to have that look on your face when you'd come through to see Liara..."

Shepard's mouth suddenly dried, voice caught in her throat, and she refrained a twitch as she felt her skin tug under the doctor's needle. Was she so transparent?

"Listen to me. I'm sorry, Commander. Hardly the time for your doctor to be teasing you." The soft ping of the needle followed as she dropped it on the tray, and Shepard let out the pent air in her as the cool slather of medi-gel gleaned over the seam.

"It's alright." Shepard spoke with cold fortitude, pulse hard in her head, aching at the conflict of emotions. She felt suddenly naive at thinking the doctor wouldn't have noticed things with Liara, and stupid for feeling the hurt rise again.

"Some of us just have to admire him from afar." A soft, airy sigh passed ' lips, a smile in it none the less. The doctor's fingers poked over the hardening gel, checking that it would hold. "You'll come see me tomorrow, I hope? I want to make sure you're on the mend."

Shepard's shoulders relaxed down, fatigue suddenly flooding her and she breathed in deep. The action let her take control once more, and she nodded, looking to the doctor with a soft smile, "Yes. Promise."

"Mmm well... best not keep him waiting." The doctor packed up a few things, slipping her tools into the waste bin to be sanitized. She was still toying with Shepard, but given their history, it didn't bite the way it may have with others, "Here." Dr. Chakwas dropped some clean clothing beside the helmet. "Think you've stormed about bloody enough today." Her words were still light, and she turned back through the bay to allow Shepard some privacy.

Since that bottle of brandy they'd shared, the doctor and her had been closer. Shepard closed her eyes, swallowing away the bit of self-conscious embarrassment that was trying to rise in the wake of the doctor's teasing. She should have realized sooner that people on the ship would suspect things. Between her and Kelly...

She changed with little modesty, crumpling her tank-top up to stuff it into the biohazard container. Her skin was dry from the antiseptics, but cleaned of blood, and she moved with greater care as the aches in her body begged for mercy. She'd been trying to keep her thoughts from drifting to Thane, but it was difficult. She awkwardly pulled her clothing on, smoothing it down the curves of her body with a sigh, only able to move well because of the concoction of meds swimming in her.

"Thank you, ." Shepard turned around to look to the woman at her desk, hands at the bottom of her uniform to tug it absentmindedly down.

"Mmm? Of course, dear. Just use the medi-gel next time." Her fingers linked, looked aside over her monitor, smiling tiredly at Shepard.

* * *

Alone outside of the med-bay, Shepard's thoughts darted from Thane's visit to what had happened on the Collector's ship. She felt drugged, unsurprisingly, and wondered at the subdued calm in her. She didn't like her senses feeling dulled, even if it was helping block out pain. What if something happened? What if she wasn't ready?

Her slow steps carried her away from the door as she thought, and Shepard gingerly crossed her arms, using it to support her shoulder. It seemed like there was so much she desperately wanted, but she held it all at arm's length, trying to rank her thoughts. They came thickly though, and she suddenly wondered what all had given her.

The doors to life support slid open before her, showing Thane within, standing backlit by the glowing shelves, expression concealed by the light. He looked up from his work, the scope of his sniper rifle in hand, a soft cloth in the other. The pieces of his gun lay unassembled on one of the shelves.

Shepard's nerves twisted in her stomach, but she strode casually forward, lifting her good hand in a bit of greeting. Working a small surgical tool in the cloth, Thane traced it through one of the more delicate ridges of the lens. She crossed her arms again as she got closer, an unconscious defence inside spurring it.

Thane kept cleaning the scope a bit longer, expression calm as he looked at her and finally admitted, "I'm glad you came."

Shepard shifted her weight, watching his hands, "Just trying to get my head off that ship. It was too close." She blinked lengthily, weakly unfolding her arms. Though her shoulder was numb to any pain, the muscles were loath to respond.

"It was. But you kept us from harm." There was a soft click as Thane's hand turned aside to rest the scope on the shelf.

"Joker did. I barely got us out of there." One of her hands tensed into a fist, looking aside from him, "I can't believe the Illusive Man didn't have the proper intel on this. Sending us in there, was there even debris from a turian ship?" Shepard's words were running together, even as the world seemed slower, sluggish as she moved her head, closing her eyes to stop the dizziness of the medications. "We were so close to losing the Normandy again."

Thane folded the small cloth and set it aside too, watching her face, seeing the faltering grace. Shepard kept talking, ire in her words, more freely then he had ever heard, "It felt set up. Why would he do that?" She drew a hand up over her brow as she sighed out, suddenly embarrassed. Veiling her words more, Shepard spoke with quieter care, head and senses still thickening. "I'm sorry, Thane. You're alright?"

"No apology is ever needed. I'm fine, I assure you."

Shepard's posture weakened. Chakwas was right about his voice. She closed her eyes, shoulders drooping as she tried to reign control. Her limbs felt heavy, and she dragged her fingers over her forehead, creasing the skin as she let out a soft sigh. She was so tired of being fucked around. So tired of the manipulations and lies. Tired of trying to do the right thing when it seemed like so many others just wanted to throw her to the dogs. Thane understood that. She just wanted to think straight. She let her arm drop back down, expression briefly contorting as an odd sensation passed through her.

"I'm just tired I guess," She chuckled dryly, shifting her weight as she looked from his familiar expression aside to the guns.

"You have every right to be."

She moved her hand, cutting down with it as something sparked, rousing her voice once more, "I just don't want anyone hurt because of what he does." Why was she trying to justify herself to him? "We're not his pawns. The way he talks, I know he thinks that. A game to achieve his ends, just players he sends in against the unknown. Did he think I'd just fall into line?" She closed her eyes, feeling her pulse rise with her thoughts, making her wounds and muscles ache more with the metered thud of its beats.

"Through seeing the game you prevent yourself from becoming a piece on the board. "

"Doesn't that make it worse though? Seeing what is happening, but doing it anyway? I've never stopped feeling that he is just..." Shepard spoke intensely, the maintained timbre of her voice falling away with a quick, defeated sigh.

_She sighed, her eyes not meeting his. Kolyat's cries trembled in the background. She pulls away from his hand. "Then go." The words are simple, defeated. The fire is gone._

Blinking rapidly, Thane's jaw hardened, and he stepped closer to Shepard, reaching to take her fallen hand with both of his.

"Siha..." The same word on his lips, and Thane kept his eyes on Shepard's face, seeing the careful breath she drew as her eyes looked up at his beckoning.

"Call coming in from the Illusive Man, Commander." Joker's voice suddenly broke through on Shepard's comm, and she almost yelled. The pulse of anger was there once more, magnified by the intrusion, but she stayed quiet, "I figure you've got a few words for him too."

Shepard nodded, an inappropriate response over vocal channels, and the seconds ticked by before she let her lips part. "Thane..."

"I will be here." Thane answered for her, and Shepard nodded once more, reluctantly taking her hand back. She exhaled out, blinking lengthily.

"That's an understatement, Joker. I'll be right there."

* * *

Author's note: I know there's a discrepancy between Shepard saying 'get on the Normandy' and them running for the Kodiak. I wanted to keep it true to the game though - Shepard says run for the Normandy, but it's clearly the Kodiak. Anyway - thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6 Warrior Angel

Shepard coolly paced the hall, listening to some of the crew nearby in the mess. She would be heading back to Afterlife shortly to bait Morinth, the justicar's Ardat-Yakshi daughter who enjoyed dancing, art, violence and obliterating people's minds.

Just lovely, why are you even letting your thoughts wander there? Haven't I had enough internal haemorrhaging in my life?  
Wrapping her arms about herself, Shepard strummed her fingers on either side of her waist, looking down as she took a deep breath. Best get her jitters out here, beyond the public eye, so she could tempt the asari with all her wiles. The idea of flirting with another asari made her uncomfortable. Closing her eyes, she uncoiled her arms, letting them relax down at her sides.

Thinking of Liara helped harden something inside her, feeling the lingering loss of their love once more. Confident in so many things, keep it together, Shepard. She had to keep it a job, a mission. This wasn't personal. She stopped her pacing, lifting her face upwards to an unseen sky, and a deep, slow breath filled her lungs. She didn't want the feelings for Liara there anymore, why couldn't they just stay buried. The motion swept her hair back off her shoulders. She wasn't used to wearing it down, it contributed to the itching vulnerability in the back of her thoughts.

She hoped she wouldn't stick out in the club, she danced like something was broken.

_You've killed, Shepard -- she'll like that._

Someone who would love about her the thing she disliked most. What she wouldn't have given to -

"Shepard?"

The Commander opened her eyes and turned around at the sound of Thane's voice, suddenly embarrassed more then she should be. She wondered how long he'd been there. "Thane. Hi."

"I hadn't seen you the past day. How are your injuries?" His eyes respectfully swept up to hers, taking in the wave of her hair and how it reached down past her shoulders. She was just wearing her usual uniform, but there was something more. Her curves were more accentuated.

Eyes half-lidded as she relaxed a bit, Shepard gave her shoulder a ginger roll, looking at him, "The injections gave me helped a lot… they shouldn't hamper me tonight."

"Indeed… how are you feeling about what you're going into?" He hadn't expected her to slow down because of it. There was something about where she was going tonight that made Thane uneasy, especially after seeing her pace as she had been. He didn't like not having all the details. He pushed the thoughts deeper.

"It's a rare day someone isn't trying to kill me." Shepard spoke lightly, often using humour to diffuse a situation. She raised her right hand, eyes turning from his as she admitted, "Though it doesn't escape me this will be different. Presenting myself on a silver platter."

_Silver lace over creamy skin. Soft tresses brushing his hands, cradling her head. Screaming, chilling, it echoes off the walls. She struggles to little avail, her limbs spasm. Hands jerking once more. This time the proper snap leaves dead weight._

Thane's lips pressed tighter as he gave the Commander a slow nod. What could he say, she had put herself at risk for him as well. He didn't want to openly challenge how this was different. He had too much respect for her.

"I have no doubt you will be safe. Samara has more experience in combat then any of us." Thane spoke reassuringly, his hands relaxing from their place behind him to his sides as he looked back to her once more. "And… you are strong willed and have survived where most others would perish."

"Yes, how did Garrus put it, the - the Collectors tried to kill you and it just pissed you off." Shepard brushed the loose hair from her eyes, smiling as she tucked it back behind her ear. She stopped toying with her hair, letting her arms drop again.

Shepard didn't quite meet Thane's gaze as she spoke with due inflection, "I just remind myself it'll keep more people from dying. That… it will give Samara the peace she has been seeking for hundreds of years."

His eyes drank her in, the subtle nuance in her expression showing how true her words were. "Making things better." Thane spoke after a few seconds, an addendum to what she'd said. It drew her gaze back to him, considering him, and she gave a nod. A chorus of laughter broke out from nearby in the mess, the light-hearted sound disconnected from their conversation.

"I should go. Hopefully this will be enticing enough."

Thane's posture corrected itself, clearing his throat uncomfortably as his hands drew away behind him, much like his emotions drew back from his features. Something went unsaid.

"Good luck, Shepard." Thane spoke under his breath. "Stay safe."

Hand on her abdomen, Shepard afforded Thane a close-lipped smile as she looked at him, before leaving to lure the demon of the night winds.

* * *

Alone in life support as he often was, Thane let his weight rest back against the table, his gaze unfocused. He was being unfair to her, and he had trouble placing a finger on why. He'd told her things that he hadn't spoke of with anyone, but he was still keeping others from her. She was an unfurling rose, petals slowly yielding, showing herself to him. Awakening him.

_Emotive inflection in her words, as much as softening in her eyes. A soldier relinquishing their pistol. "I'm here for you, Thane." She was nervous. Pulse fluttering._

It had caught him off-guard in the most delightful way, leaving him exposed and without cover. But she had been without too. That was what lifted the veil to let him slip back just beyond reach. Eidetic memory let him savour the timbre of her voice once more, the gifted vulnerability harkening to something deep inside.

She was human. This was unnatural.

Everything he had read of her past fit her so perfectly into it. A fierce protector. She had been through so much. Was that what roused him, a drive to be their shield in turn? Or was it for him, that he might wake in the shade of their graces, the light dimmed by their presence, so his eyes could open and see all of the galaxy? It left so much turmoil.

_Light glanced off the high arching dome. She tries to hide her laughter, I can't help but squint. The sound is rich, beckoning, and irresistible. Precious beauty in the carefree sound. That he would never have to leave her again._

The dulcet details clung in his thoughts, and Thane attuned his senses back to reality and the steady hum of the ship's systems around him. He wondered if Irikah would have liked Commander Shepard. She had purpose in her actions, compassion and understanding. What had made him worthwhile to either of them?

Shepard had been gone for some hours. He wasn't used to being outside of a situation, and with some brevity the rawness of his concern surfaced through him. His meditations had kept his thoughts focused away from the reality of the risk she was taking, but now he was allowing it to flood back. He knew of some of the mythos surrounding the Ardat'Yakshi in asari culture, of their lust for their unique brand of death.

It was an unsettling image to think of her at the mercy of such a being. While his concern surfaced, as much trust in Shepard's ability was there too, reaching to catch the spinning whorl of worry. She had survived through much worse, and whether as much as skill as some divine granted luck and guidance, he reminded himself she would see this through too.

No doubt her crew on the SR1 had thought much the same - that she was an unstoppable force who drew so many along with her. Thane had heard the strain in the voices of those who had followed her - those who had loved her - and had lived through her death. She was merely mortal, they all were.

Thane rolled his neck as his thoughts clashed in greater turmoil, moments of battle when he had drifted to keep her covered flickering in his mind - when she had moved to keep him safe too. The glistening crimson of her spilt blood was there, indelibly etched in his mind. His breath drew in with natural discomfort, the strain it took unhidden in his solitude and exacerbated by the vivacity of his sudden memories.

He couldn't keep it from her anymore - he wouldn't. The next time they sat here, he would tell her why she was his siha. How she had woken him, catalysed it that day on Illium. He had made many mistakes in his life, he wouldn't let this become one of them.

* * *

Samara strode away from the airlock, her head down to escape away into the bowels of the ship, leaving Shepard sluggishly slipping out of the airlock. Her head abnormally ached, senses blunted at the edges from their ordeal. A skeleton crew manned the systems, and the Commander passed through them with ease, settled into herself to greet and inquire about their work as she went. Each didn't keep her, knowing the man-made hour it was, and in a few minutes she swept past her message terminal and into the elevator.

Absently hitting the buttons, she closed her eyes and sunk against the back of the car. Her thoughts were like bobbing for apples, and she smiled at the ghostly memory from her childhood. Never quite able to grasp the crisp skins, you just ended up drooling down your chin. She passed a hand over her lips as she stood upright again, feeling the minor jostle of the elevator stopping. Least there was no drool.

The doors slid open to reveal an environment not quite what she was expecting. She left her hands on her mouth as she blinked lengthily, questioning whether she'd purposely chosen where she was or if it were a random consequence of her fatigue. Without more hesitation, Shepard strode purposefully forward out of the elevator, crossing her arms as looked about to see if anyone was awake.

"EDI... "

"Yes, Commander Shepard?"

Shepard licked her lips, almost rolling her eyes at herself, an internal amusement at her self-conscious whisper as much as what she was about to ask.

"Is Thane awake?"

There was only a moment of hesitation. "Yes, Commander."

"Thank you, EDI." Shepard kept her arms crossed, the ignored knot in her stomach reasserting itself as she continued to look down the hall with unfocused, half-lidded eyes.

Slipping an elastic from her pocket, Shepard ran her hands back into her hair, stretching her back and straightening her posture as she gathered the tresses. Neatly securing them at the back of her head, she drew a controlled, deep breath before looking through the hold again. Turning towards the life support doors, she touched them open, a slight relief in her when they opened.

Thane's head canted towards the doors as they parted, and Shepard's casually confident steps brought her within view. Her expression carried in it the fatigue of the day, and the scents of Afterlife came with her, almost undermining those that he had become most familiar with. She had come straight to see him.

"I...know it's late, but have some time to talk?" Shepard smiled a little, glancing at him as his hands lowered to the table, still clasped.

"Of course, Shepard. Join me."

Shepard moved to sit opposite him, watching his hands as she tugged her chair in close to her. Her fatigue felt almost liberating, and she wanted the goings on of the night on Omega to evaporate from her thoughts. "I've been thinking about you."

His eyes had followed hers, on some point between them, a physical manifestation of the hesitation they had kept from their words, "And I you." The words rolled off his tongue, stark but simple. Shepard ran her hands over the cool metal of the table, meeting his eyes as he looked to her and leant a little closer, "Will you hear my confession, siha?"

Shepard's expression gained subtle animation with her smirk, flexing her fingers on the table as she countered their game, "Last time we talked like this, you said you'd explain what 'siha' means." She held his gaze, matching the inquisitive challenge of her words.

Thane smiled at her, the expression losing its rarity, "I need to explain myself to you first." Gathering his thoughts together, he sat up more, speaking to Shepard as much as to himself. "When I married Irikah, the hanar let me leave their service to raise a family. But I had no other skills, so I freelanced." Tilting her head, Shepard listened, thankful for her own freedom from speaking as she listened, pulse growing more insistent in her chest as she waited for where his words led.

"When Irikah was killed, I pursued those responsible." Thane's catalogue continued, keeping Shepard's gaze as he spoke. His hands moved with the quiet rumble of his admission, "Once I'd eliminated them, I had no goal. I accepted the Dantius commission because I didn't know what else to do."

Shepard's hands parted from the table as clarity of thought evaded her once more, cool air against her clammy palms. "Not the healthiest attitude to take on a mission..."

Looking away, Thane shifted with unease, turned from the clear order of things he had wanted to tell her. Her ability to see through him only magnified the enthrall. His gaze wavered from her, "You're right. It's not." Reined in, he looked back to her, picking up some piece of his former thoughts, in reflection of her words, "Looking back now, it's clear I'd resigned myself to death. I would have fulfilled my contract. If Nassana's guards caught me afterwards -- it would have been a good death."

Shepard swallowed her words, her hands lapping over each other to let her feel the back of her hand in her fingers. She plied the skin, feeling it was real, feeling she was alive, despite the rules of the universe. Even a good death is not easily swallowed. She kept his gaze, uncertain of what might reveal itself if she looked away.

Thane drew her closer with his words, with his body language, leant onto his arms on the table that he might be closer to her. "But someone else was pushing to reach the target. Forcing me to move faster." His expression was lightening, and the way he spoke left a lump in her throat. "Challenging me. I had to reach her first."

Her eyes closing partway, Shepard softly said, "I had no idea you planned to die in there. "

"It wasn't a plan. My body had accepted its death." Thane explained, caught by how even in this moment, when he was trying to tell her what she meant to him, she was still thinking of him before it. Reflectively, he added, "My mind had been dead a long time." And then he smiled.

"But I met another siha." The sound of the word strummed through her belly. The smile was for her. He leant close once more, admitting, "Few are privileged to meet even one."

"You still haven't told me what a siha is." Shepard mentioned, unable to look away, unable to not know anymore.

"One of the warrior angels of the goddess Arashu." A textbook reply. But his next words drew his lips back up, his head tilting forward as he furthered, "Fierce in wrath. A tenacious protector." Her expression softened, something releasing her from the charade she often played.

"I confess I've..." Thane's eyes dropped uneasily as he spoke, "...come to care for you." Exposed by his words, his eyes faltered again, even as he looked back to her, "Perhaps I'm being foolish. We..." He hesitated, the suffocation of his illness exacerbated by the sudden clutch of emotion in his chest, "...are very different."

Shepard was suddenly thankful for her fatigue, for how deconstructed the night had left her. It let all he had said sink in and pass through, holding back most of the barriers that rarely fell. Her words came from the heart, unguarded, "I'm not sure we know each other well enough to call it love."

He reached for her open hands without hesitation, falling into her eyes as she looked back up to him and spoke, "But I feel something for you too." It was out there. "Something more than friendship." Their hands held each other in an equal match, so simply representing what they had found in one another.

Thane's thumb traced a slow caress over her own, "I've never felt affection for another species." His eyes drifted, soaking in the curve of her neck and the bits of hair that were not caught back neat and tidy. Something so foreign that had become so familiar - like her scent. He didn't conceal the uncertainty in his voice, "I'm not sure what to do now."

The warmth of acceptance filling her, Shepard gave a little shrug, a sleepy smile there as she softly said, "We'll just have to figure it out."

It was that simple to her. There had been and was so much conflict in him, questioning his words, picking at their logic no matter what his soul had latched onto. But when she spoke it was a balm, even soothing the burning each breath wrought. The texture of her skin etched in his mind, Thane looked up from her neck to meet her eyes, "I look forward to the memories..."

Shepard gave a soft sigh, squeezing his hands in hers. Something in her life felt simple for a change. Even if she knew it wasn't, and couldn't ignore that it wouldn't be, it felt like it was. There was something unable to be said for how much strength and serenity it gave her to have her hands in his.

Precious cargo in his hands, Thane turned Shepard's in his own, keeping her gaze in the comfortable silence. Fingers pressed together, his eyes finally dropped, hands drawing hers up to his lips. It was something that had passed his thoughts before, but never had it seemed proper till now. He breathed deep, the scent of her stronger on her skin, mingled with stringent antiseptics and sweat. None of them escaped him, and Shepard made scarce a sound as his lips drifted over her knuckles, breathing kisses over her skin.

_The spice was on her skin and lips, mingled on his tongue as they kissed. Her hands tightened in his, surprised. Bells ring nearby, echoing in the quiet. _

Thane breathed in against Shepard's skin, lifting his head to escape the memory. Looking up, her eyes were still to his, and she smiled. Sometimes his memories escaped into where she could see them in his words, but for the moment he was thankful it had stayed below and not disrupted things.

"I admit, I was worried about you." Thane's head tilted aside as he folded her fingers closed in his own. His fingers drifted up over her wrists in a slow caress.

The flicker of another's dark eyes invaded the peaceful moment, and Shepard blinked a few times before looking at their hands. The memory of the asari's invasion wove a greater tension in her chest. Another momment where she'd had no control, and she instinctively drew away, abruptly standing to strengthen herself, "You don't need to worry about me, Thane."

"Worry isn't about need." The drell soundlessly rose after her without delay. The frustration in her features - not at him - drew him closer, and he traced his hands over her shoulders, stepping in to possessively slip his arms around her. Pulling her back flush against his chest, Thane quietly said, "I regretted not telling you any of this sooner. My worry was selfish."

Pulse in her throat again, Shepard allowed herself the closeness, eyes lost out over the docking bay in an unfocused stare. She rested her arm down over his, wondering how natural it felt to be so close to him, even if her heart wouldn't give her a rest. For the moment she'd forgotten her headache, "I don't enjoy... not being in control." Shepard admitted with a quirked smile.

Thane chuckled lowly, words just loud enough for her, "I can relate." He spread his fingers as her hand ran over them, and she wove them into his.

"Samara's daughter is dead, in the end that's what matters - however terrible that sounds." Shepard's voice lost its intimate edge, and she almost regretted escaping back into herself. Thane's hands moved, securing their grip around her with another squeeze. "I wasn't harmed." The throbbing in her temples reasserted itself, as her thoughts dissected the situation more.

_Tell me you'd kill for me. Anything I want._

Thane turned her about as she released an unsteady breath, his hands tracing down her arms so he could take her hands again. He held them at his chest, like when he prayed. Shepard looked up to him, his dark eyes having depth that hers hadn't.

"I'm here for you, siha." Thane spoke tenderly, his thumb caressing over her skin again. Shepard leaned in to rest her head on his shoulder, no voice needed in her thanks. His left hand releasing, he reached around to pull her snugly against him, trapping their hands between them. "Whatever you need." His voice rumbled softly by her ear, her own words returned to her. Her free hand linked under his arm, holding herself to him in kind, and the squeeze of his hand at her back answered.


	7. Chapter 7 Joab

Shepard absently rubbed a few fingers over her brow, gaze down into the terminal, and after a few moments of thought she let her other hand dance over the dimensional orange controls to adjust a few settings. Even if she wasn't handling the changes to the Normandy's systems, she did her best to keep tabs on its progress. Knowing what was happening and what advantages it could give them eased something inside her.

In her periphery she could see Mordin's eyes dance now and then from his work, glancing her way as she systematically went through the morning reports. She'd ignored it for a while, amused and better tempered then she was most mornings. The night had been shorter then usual, she had slept, even if the thought of what dreams had come tightened her stomach.

There was always so much death. Shepard knew she'd grown accustomed to it in some ways, but the breadth of it that she experienced never left a person without scars. How many people could remember their own death, let alone genocide of an entire race? Though far from perfect, her memory was good enough in what it did to only occasionally show her kindness.

Her digits still playing with the controls as she read, her thoughts skimmed over the fading ghost of last night's dream. The Harbringer's voice had underlain it all, an itching whisper as the Normandy was ripped to shreds around her, screams and debris rocking her as she ran. It wasn't just the old crew she saw dying, but everyone that was with her now. She was the survivor in her dreams, seeing them all perish until at long last she was suffocating again.

She sighed a little, index finger moving to scroll down through the last bit of dry reading. At least she had gotten a few more hours then usual. Through the first hurdle of morning duties, Shepard turned to stroll toward Mordin's workbench, even as he casually returned to his own work.

"Shepard. How can I help?"

Of course, it was her who wanted the help. She blinked lengthily before taking the bait, "Have you got a minute to talk?"

Keying in a few more strokes at his lab terminal, Mordin looked up to her with an amicable, thin-lipped smile. "Actually wanted to talk. Medical matters." He rounded the table to come stand by her, speaking in his candid, hurried way. "Aware that mission is dangerous. Different species react differently to stress."

Shepard nodded, trying to imagine what he was getting at, while Mordin continued, "Sexual activity normal as stress release." The Commander's expression almost faltered, but she held the line. "Still recommend caution with Thane. Drell/human liaisons complex. Thane complex as well."

Stopping herself a moment, Shepard looked at Mordin, trying to gauge his expression. Cool as a cucumber, she maintained her air and drew breath to inquire, "...you have a recommendation as a doctor?" A grin tugged at the edge of her lips as Mordin's eyes scolded her. Did she just okay the salarian for a sex chat? Shepard shifted her weight.

"Prolonged human to drell skin contact can cause small rash, itching." Shepard tried not to look away, wondering what prompted the professor's education of such things. "Oral contact may cause mild hallucinations." The sudden image of snagging Thane with the sole purpose to drag her tongue up over his cheek flitted across her mind. She bit onto her tongue to keep herself quiet as she watched Mordin. He looked rather pleased with himself.

"Also forwarding advice booklet to your quarters. Valuable diagrams, positions comfortable to both species," Shepard suddenly found herself thankful she'd never been one to blush much. Why did he have this information? His eyes dropped, thin lips in a good-natured smile as he tapped a few things into his omni-tool. "...erogenous zone overview." He closed his eyes, making the smile more apparent before he looked back up to her.

Shepard raised her brow, forcing her concentration upon some inanimate thing just behind him as she maintained her demeanour, despite the chorus of snide, perverse and immature remarks inside her head.

"Can supply oils or ointments to reduce discomfort." His light voice carried on, nodding to her, "Gave EDI electronic relationship aid demonstration vids to use as necessary." Just what EDI needed. Even AI's get lonely.

Eyes narrowing just slightly, Shepard shifted her head, assessing the salarian as it dawned on her. "Wait a minute, Mordin. You're just yanking me around, aren't you?" The smile that'd been trying to break through finally showed.

Mordin took a step back, "Shocking suggestion. Doctor patient confidentiality sacred trust." She could still see the hinted smile at the edge of his lips. "Would never dream... of mockery." His voice became theatrically mellowed at the end, looking at her still.

"Enjoy yourself while possible, Shepard." Her own smile softened as his head drifted, voice more relaxed into their usual good-humour. She'd overheard some of the crew speak of his seriousness, but she imagined they just didn't catch on to the wit. "Will be here, studying cell reproduction. Much simpler. Less alcohol and mood music required."

Shepard could only nod as he turned away back to his workstation, and taking the dismissal, pivoted around and walked back past the terminal she'd been at. Looking down, she shook her head, shoulders trembling slightly with the release of silent laughter, lips pressed tight to keep any sound from escaping. Maybe she interrupted the salarian's work too frequently and this was his idea of payback.

Stopping between doors in the intermediary passage, Shepard reached a hand out to the wall, the other over her face to muffle the sudden sounds of her embarrassed laughter. No words came from EDI, and she wondered for a moment if what transpired was the sort of intel that found its way to the Illusive Man. She better stop before someone came in.

Running a hand down her side, Shepard snagged the bottom of her top and gave it a tug to smooth it out, and rolling her neck, let a more casual smile stay on her lips in the quiet. Breathing deep, she composed herself more, unwilling to entirely dismiss the lighter mood as she headed out to the CIC.

* * *

Shepard twisted at the waist, testing the repair to her hardsuit, and the joints seamlessly flowed with her movement. She'd been growing restless with the mundane preparations that had been plaguing the ship lately, gathering resources as she waited for reports on the derelict Reaper. She glanced at Grunt with a grin, seeing him bounce with a vivacious energy. They were both glad to be heading planet-side.

Looking to Tali, Shepard said, "Thanks for helping me with this. Sure you don't want to get off the ship with us?"

The quarian's eyes stayed down, working with a few intricate tools on Shepard's extended arm, the shielding of her suit. "If anyone, Shepard, you should know I'm fine on a ship. I don't think us quarians have the luxury of going stir crazy." The bright spots of her eyes looked up to Shepard, eliciting another smile from the Commander.

"I guess not." Shepard watched the small tools fly over the circuitry, quiet for a moment before she more quietly asked, "You'll keep yourself busy?"

Seeming satisfied, Tali slid the panel closed over the work she'd been doing, though her chin stayed down, "I will try." There was a gentle strain in her words. The Commander had worried about her since their return from the Migrant Fleet. Even if she knew how strong Tali was, she'd always felt like a little sister, and she knew it made her more protective.

"Well I approved some of the upgrade proposals, so perhaps you'd oversee those?" Shepard's fingers danced over the pad to bring her shield to life, a shimmer of blue about her features before it faded into near invisibility. "I'm sure Gabby could use your help keeping Donnelly in line." She couldn't keep the teasing hint from her voice.

Tali scoffed a bit, and the weighted air about her lifted as she said, "I'll take care of the work, Shepard. Promise." Shepard reached a hand to her shoulder and gave a thanks as Tali nodded and turned away to drift back to engineering.

As the Kodiak circled in the sky towards the landing site, Shepard stood up and looked to Grunt and Garrus, listening to the report EDI had of the dig site. They'd intercepted audio that had betrayed Blue Suns activity in the vicinity.

Shepard could see Garrus' talons edging about the butt of his rifle. She tried to bring him on a good portion of the landings they'd done to eliminate merc cells, but for a moment she wondered if it was the best idea. His gaze was distracted, and his mandibles flexed as EDI continued to speak. He looked up to meet her eyes, and she nodded, crossing her arms. Who was she to judge people for changing? She was different too. Life - and death - did that.

Handling her helmet, Shepard looked up as her fingers did the easy work, "Get in cover as soon as we land, sounds like they know we're coming. The Kodiak won't be sticking around." Her face disappeared as she fit the helmet on, its familiar snugness met by the soft click as it sealed at her neck.

Garrus rose, clipping a new heat sink in as he casually drawled, "Aye, Commander." Grunt only offered a large nod.

Feeling the deceleration, Shepard adjusted her balance, shield flickering to life around her as she felt her alertness gain an edge. She unholstered her pistol, cracking her shoulders back as she shifted her weight slowly from the ball of one foot to the other. She could do a lot of damage as is when she was sleep deprived. These mercs weren't going to know what hit them.

Dropping into stance, the doors of the Kodiak slid open, and Shepard's eyes darted about the scene, before she issued the command for her men to move, indicating position as the rapport of gunfire caught about the door, grazing and flickering their shields. Pressing out into the oppressive humidity and sunlight, they folded in behind cover, and systematically began to eliminate the threats, pressing forward and delivering justice.

* * *

The blue-armoured bodies of mercenaries littered the levels around them, and Shepard automatically reloaded the clip of her heavy pistol. Her pulse was running high, she'd pushed them hard, and a healthy sweat cloyed her to her hardsuit. Bits and pieces of what was going on had revealed itself in the datapads she snatched off their enemies. It was an illegal operation.

Bending over the lieutenant, Shepard gathered the merc's PDA, reflexively kicking his weapon out of reach, despite the fact he was no longer breathing. Grunt moved about the underground chamber as she scrolled through the latest message on it.

"All clear, Shepard."

She rolled her shoulders, feeling the worked muscles pop and her joints crack in a satisfying way, and she nodded at the krogan. A quick snippet of confirmation came from EDI too, on the wake of his words.

"I'm not certain they've gotten out with the artefact." Shepard said to no one in particular, her voice still on the comm, encapsulated in her helmet. She tossed the PDA back down on the cooling corpse.

Something tightened in her stomach, questioning why she was doing this. It was the mercs, she reminded herself. The less there were, the better things would be for everyone. Part of her hoped the more she eliminated, the harder they would try to stay out of her way. She looked down at the lieutenant again, his helmet cracked open where the headshot from Garrus had blasted through after his shield had failed. He looked young.

Hardening her jaw, Shepard strode towards the door the last mercs had been guarding, with Garrus and Grunt in tow. The doors uncoupled and slid open, revealing a dark Prothean pyramid inside – she recognized it for what it was instantly. Liara, Liara… she pushed the thoughts over with the lieutenant, scanning through the small chamber.

The walls were stone, precise cuts showing the excavation work that had been done to free it. A lattice of grooves broke the smooth surface of the odd dark pyramid, scarce blemished or changed by time. A terminal stood before it, the technology easily Prothean as well. In her travels she'd come to recognize their handiwork more then most – combined with the cypher, she doubted a fake could pass her. Its mechanics glowed a sickly green.

Looking over familiar bits, she reached and entered in a few sequences on the keypad to prep it for her omni-tool. The green holo shifted like gears, glowing and twitching, when the expansive presence invaded her mind. An explosion of light filled her vision, and Shepard staggered back a few paces, body tensing as she raised an arm defensively. But she was in it again.

_The flickering brilliance of the Prothean destruction absorbed her thoughts, the doomed screams that had become so familiar heard as though they were from her own lips. Contorting bodies and frames stitched with mechanical components, reminiscent of her own reanimation into the flesh. The looming suffering melded into something it hadn't before, struggling forms that she recognized without thought – the multiple, glowing eyes of the Collectors stood out in the chaos. _

Shepard tried to find her breath, the inhalation shuddering in a struggled, choked way as she staggered back on the tips of her toes. Her pulse was in her throat and the world seemed foreign as her eyes readjusted to the light around her. Her vision was swimming, and her balance was almost lost as she pitched.

The solidity of Garrus' arm caught her, having moved in the second he saw her stiffen at the pulse of light, a ripple of energy over the grooves of the pyramid. His thoughts had flown back two years to Virmire. He couldn't see her face as her weight leant heavily into him, Grunt's visage following in his periphery.

"Commander?" The edginess in Garrus' voice went unhidden, and at the word, Shepard's hand swung around to link her arm with his. Grunt huffed his namesake.

"Call the shuttle." Shepard barked in a cough. She pulled herself up, senses still unhinged by the vibrant vision, her sweat gone cold. She could feel a trickle of blood on her upper lip from her nose. The grip Garrus had on her didn't relent, even as he touched his comm. and hastily signalled the Kodiak.

"..and tell -"

"I'm fine, it's just the artefacts are gone." Shepard's voice gained a bit more of its authoritative edge, and she cleared her throat as she forced herself to stand. She swallowed dryly, allowing herself to close her eyes behind the veil of her helmet, "Nothing else for us here. Let's go."

She could hear the sound of her pulse in her veins, and her temples throbbed, but she pulled her hand away, cracking her posture upright as she motioned to the two of them. She didn't let her step waver, even as her stomach did, and she cleared her throat when Garrus hesitated, turning to him.

"You coming, pretty boy?" Her teasing sarcasm knocked the worry from his face, and Garrus just shook his head as he fell into line alongside her, weaving their way back to the surface.

* * *

Shepard sat back deep into the shuttle, even as the clamps vibrated through the hull to indicate it was secured in the docking bay of the Normandy. Her pulse had only just settled, her expression still hidden behind the helmet secured on her head. Grunt had grown animated on the return, boasting about how many mercs he'd taken down, and she could only offer a snicker at the few remarks Garrus had handed the krogan back. She was unsurprised by the tension between them. Krogan and turians weren't made to get along, given their history.

Pressure equalized, the doors swung open, and Garrus hung back as Grunt trumped off through the hold. The chatter of the pilot and navigator filtered through, echoing in the wide space outside the shuttle.

"You seriously expect me to think you're alright, Shepard." Garrus leant against the open edge of the Kodiak's doors, crossing his arms. Shepard uncrossed her legs and mimicked his arms, worsening the smirk on his marred features.

"Come on, Garrus, have I ever been alright?"

He laughed a bit at that, and his arms parted, "I'm just getting tired of picking you up after you swoon at the sight of certain Prothean ruins."

Shepard stayed leant back into the seat on the shuttle, and she bounced her leg a bit, looking aside before her head swung back his way, the lights in the bay creating a bright point on her tinted visor.

"Just more of the same. It caught me off guard. I shouldn't have let it."

"Uh huh." Garrus stared her down, turian features still betraying his usual smirk. She held the look, and he raised his hands defensively, standing upright. "All I'm saying is you're usually more then eager to get your helmet off in the shuttle." He turned away before she could respond.

Hearing his footsteps click away through the hold, Shepard released the catch on her helmet and pulled it off, as if in retaliation. She tossed it on the seat beside her as she slouched, closing her eyes to let her neck stretch back as much as it would go.

It reawakened it all. Behind her eyes she could see the bodies, see the slow motion movement and sounds, and she subtly shivered, moving in her seat. She slapped her hand down on the seat not holding her helmet, hardsuit smacking hard, and she used the momentum to hoist herself up. She snatched her helmet, a plume of anger in her chest making her want to spike it in the small space, but she just closed her eyes, running her fingers about the outside.

Her pulse was pushing hard in her chest again, and she drew a deep-rooted breath, gathering herself more. There was no escaping the imagery. She could hear a few crew members moving to finish securing and checking the Kodiak's system, and moving to step out of the shuttle she hesitated, running a hand up under her nose. With a few rubs, the dried blood there flaked away, and checking her hand to ensure it was gone, she assumed command.

Spending the next hour helping a few of the crew finish the busy work in the cargo bay, Shepard sighed with relief as the last of them smiled her way and disappeared to return to their stations. She'd been trying to usher them out. She didn't want to think. Her temples had started hurting shortly after boarding the shuttle, and now the pain had seeped down into her neck, reaching for the fatigue in her muscles. It was a familiar, taxed sensation that had been there each other time she'd been drawn in as a receiver for the Prothean vision.

Finally settled into a familiar section of the hold, Shepard tossed her helmet in against the back wall of the hold. Glancing back through the bay, she hit open the small locker and tugged out a generic white shirt. Moving with fluid ease, she unlatched her hardsuit and took it off in pieces, tossing them over by her helmet with mild disregard.

Pulling the shirt on, Shepard looked down along her body, deciding the tight black pants she wore under the armour would just have to do. She didn't want to ride the elevator, she didn't want to run into anyone. She didn't want to talk anymore right now.

God, she needed a shower. Shepard bent and rubbed some of the feeling back into her feet, having freed them from the last bit of armour. Retying her hair back in the elastic that held it, she turned and punched a few buttons on the treadmill. Ramping it up, it was scarce a moment before she was revved into a steady pace, the sound of her feet echoing into the wider space of the bay.

She ran with her eyes closed, listening to the sound of her breathing and vanquishing her thoughts away into the increasing soreness in her muscles. She was losing track of time, and she relished the bit of freedom it gave her. It wasn't one of her favourite things to do, but it made her feel good – it made her faster, it left her feeling drained and worked. It removed her from the trappings of her position, and moreso, of her mind. It was about her body.

Her hair was soaked with sweat as she finally let herself slow, keeping light on the balls of her feet as she moved, and on the mat set near the machine she dropped into reps. Her thighs burned, but she kept the push-ups moving, a steady pace that ensured she didn't go easy on herself. Her breathing grew increasingly laboured as she fatigued more of her body, and her half-lidded eyes unfocused, methodically counting through the reps. Pushing herself through the extra last set, she kipped-up onto her feet, hands coming to rest on the back of her hips as she panted hard for breath, moving side to side on her feet to keep her muscles moving.

"Had enough yet?"

Shepard rolled back against the wall, snapping out of her immersive exercise, and reaching for her gun she found nothing but the bare fabric at her hip. Leaning heavily on the cold metal her eyes found where the voice came from, and she made a bit of a sound before exhaling, "Thane."

Putting a hand up over her face, Shepard could feel her skin flushed, as much from her exertion as anything. The other wrapped around herself almost self-consciously as she pushed up off the wall. Her fingers dragged down, and she narrowed her eyes as she looked over to where he leant against one of the crates, asking breathily, "What are you doing here?"

"You'd said you would come visit after the mission." He said casually, eyes following her before he added, timbre just as quietly controlled, "Repayment for not being able to take me with you?"

Shepard ran her hands over her face, groaning as she remembered their conversation. The higher atmospheric pressure on Joab made it harder for most people to breath, let alone those with respiratory illnesses. "Completely slipped my mind. Sorry…"

"Quite alright… I'm sorry for startling you, siha."

Her fingers were back in her hair now, smoothing the frizzies from it as she looked forward and stepped a few paces his way. She was smiling a bit, "My bad… I can't expect to have all this space to myself." She crossed her arms, concealing herself some with the motion, suddenly very aware of how sweaty she was, how badly she smelled, and how she must look. She laughed slightly, taking the last few steps to stand before him. His expression was amicable, his eyes still upon her, and he tilted his head, brow slightly risen.

Shepard coughed to clear her throat and looked to him, naturally smiling as she asked, "So been watching me a while?" She tried to dismiss the bubbles in her stomach, spurred by the sudden presence of Mordin's voice in her thoughts, providing inappropriate tidbits about drell.

She consciously unlinked her arms, realizing her defensive stance, and in doing so Thane reached to trace a hand up her forearm. "Long enough," was all he offered.

"Has it been so long since we got back?" His hand had reached hers, and he drew it up into both of his, folding her fingers over, the touch cool against her energetically warmed skin.

"Nearly three hours… It's unlike you to miss something, so I thought to come down." Perhaps it would bother him more with another, but the musky scent of her exertion filled Thane's senses, and he took a deep, slow breath, soaking her in. Shepard's head inclined to him, her other hand touching up tentatively over his, and he mimicked her motion, their foreheads coming to rest together.

"I also thought you could use eating." His voice rumbled in the soft way it always did, and the words lifted Shepard's head so she could meet his eyes, a slight surprise in her expression.

Shepard stood there a moment, and her lips parted as she watched him before her words betrayed her amusement, "What?"

Letting go of her hands, Thane shifted to sit back on the crate, reaching to tug a small container over. She couldn't get the twisted expression of bemusement off her face as she sat down.

"That you might be hungry. You were gone a while."

Shepard pinched a hand across her mouth to try and dismiss her thoughts and she quietly, finally said, "Oh right. Yes. Of course. Food." She rested her hands down into her lap, a goofy grin on her lips as she watched him open a small container of vegetables. Thane looked at her, trying to deconstruct the puzzle of her expression, but he let it go, offering the container to her instead.

Snagging a carrot, Shepard snapped it off into her mouth, munching away. She looked to him as he spoke.

"Were you able to recover the artefact?"

Swallowing with sudden thickness, Shepard looked down, a furrow delicately knitting into her brow. Her tongue rolled in her mouth, dry, before she cleared her throat quietly and offered, "No. It was moved to a ship." She reached to take another stick, her eyes down from him as she hesitated.

"But there was something else." Thane shifted his weight back onto the crate more, turning towards her what he could. His eyes so often seemed upon her, reading her, taking in each detail like Braille to see what was really there.

She snapped the carrot in half, nodding before adding her voice. "There was. We found an active video log in the Prothean ruins of the dig site." The orange stick found its way past her lips, and her eyes turned to his hands as one of them slipped back into her free one. It helped bar the tightening in her chest.

"Back before I…" Breathing deeper, Shepard sat up more, one of her knees drawn up onto the crate, flat so that her calf tucked under her other thigh. "I have some experience with Protheans. In the past… " It dawned on her once more how ridiculous so much of her life sounded in mundane conversation. A little smidge of annoyance sparked in her at a thought of the Council. She looked up, gaze over his shoulder.

"I've had visions of the Protheans through other technology of theirs I've encountered – beacons." Carrot tucked into her pinkie, Shepard shifted, "I've seen how they died, and… because of other experiences, I can understand their language too. Either way…" She drew a breath, her voice taking an air to try and make her words seem more casual, "I had another vision from this."

Shepard filled her mouth with the warmed carrot in her hand, preventing more words from coming. She looked to him, absently chewing as she reached to snag some cucumber. Finishing the root in her mouth, she tilted her head aside, reflectively saying, "It'll fade in time. Least I can be thankful for that, mm?" She faintly grinned at the hopeful lie, eating a slice of cucumber as she kept Thane's gaze.

"Yes..." He manipulated her other hand, fingers linked but stroking down the back of her hand. The flush had left her cheeks, breathing returned to normal. "What do you see?"

She closed her eyes, focusing on the slow touches of his fingers on her hand. So often he'd opened a window into his life, revealing intimate details of his past. Things that had made his heart sing as much as broken it. And none of it was dimmed by time for him.

"Death." She flatly said, her eyes opening half lidded to watch their hands. "It was a warning sent out when the Reapers attacked. It's the genocide of the Protheans at their hands." She'd spoke of it before to others, months ago - no, it was years. To everyone else. The words sobered her, and she tossed the last piece of cucumber back at the container. "This time was different though - there was more. There were Collectors too."

Time seemed so fleeting, as the gravity of the vision weighed into her. She'd been given a second chance at life, literally, and suddenly part of her just wanted to disappear with the alien beside her. But she was someone who could make a difference. Not doing the right thing wasn't an option. Shepard finally met Thane's eyes, the quiet patience of confined concern in their depths. Something that lifted some of the weight.

"You believe me?"

Thane's expression lost some of its sombreness, his weight shifting onto the crate towards her, as he asked, "Why wouldn't I You've no reason for frivolity with such matters."

Shepard tilted her head aside, the soreness in her spine almost halting it as she blinked lengthily. Her bent leg slipped at will, hanging off the crate again. "I just get used to it sounding so unreal. Used to not being believed."

"I more then accept who you are, siha." Her eyes drew to Thane at the tender inflection that came with the name. "Each thing I learn becomes another rarefied facet of the whole, endearing me more." In his words, Thane drew closer to her, his free hand up over her cheek, fingers blossoming over the curvature of the bone. The indelible touch lingered as he leaned in to take her lips.

Stiffening subtly in surprise, Shepard's eyes dropped closed, caught in the sudden affection. She breathed in a reflexive breath through her nose as Thane's fingers slipped, a successive, strummed caress of his fingers down the curve of her neck. Her hand turned his own over onto her thigh, pressing in her own way into the connection of their lips.

Thane's hand slid under hers, squeezing the muscles of her thigh, dark eyes slivered as he soaked in the change in her breath, the sly flicker of warmth over her skin. His lungs ached in the kiss, a collapsing need as her head tilted into him, and the fingers on her neck fell back into her hair, a foreign softness, tresses warm and damp from her exertions.

Her lips parted and he breathed in deep against her, the suction of air cool on her lips, and Shepard briefly opened her eyes. Inexorably close, they couldn't focus right, no matter the enhancements given in her remake, and feeling the slight tug of fingers in her hair, she kissed him again in reply. Her fingers caught about his wrist, partially tucked against the smooth cuff of his jacket, and the movement beckoned him closer.

The fabric intimately followed her curves, as did Thane's hand, gliding along her outer thigh as her lips parted with his. The tip of his tongue flicked against her lips, explorative, unique texture and taste there, savoured, undeniably her, as was the barely discernible sound in her throat. He drew back at it, a flicker of uncertainty in his actions - at the sudden remembrance of her being human.

Shepard breathed in deep and slow, her fingers swirling over Thane's forearm, his tight jacket concealing none of the musculature from her touch. She looked up to him, a light in the bay catching his eyes to more fully show their depth, defining his irises for an instance. There was no escaping how much they lacked the common details she should be looking for in a partner - though they were gaining a familiarity all their own. Her pulse was hard in her throat again, like she hadn't stopped running, and her senses finally returned to her, seeing his expression, seeing more then just his eyes, and she naturally smiled, closed-lipped and relaxed.

Her eyes were so different, little facets and flecks of colour that shifted, pupils moving with detail and ease. Thane let himself draw into them, watching the darkened iris grow, seeing the hint of unnatural enhancement within them. He'd seen it before, it contributed to the successive paintings in his mind that joined together in the cohesive dance of her. Weary eyes, warm and smiling, inquisitive, firm and thoughtful, each set flickered in his thoughts, a shuffle of memories. She was smiling - she was fine.

"The crew will be wondering about you." Thane spoke, his voice rising over the quiet background levels with a tangible rumble. His hand drew back down her thigh, fingers coming over her knee, tracing the shape, and detailing the harder edges of bone with a light touch.

The mixture of teasing reality in his words made Shepard squeeze his arm, and licking her lips she nodded. She was loathe to leave him, having escaped with him for this short time, but he knew as much as she did that they couldn't distract for each other for long.

"Thanks for the reminder." She finally said, her smile softened more as his posture relaxed away from her, his hand dragging until it was in the palm of hers. Inhaling deeply, Shepard looked from their hands to Thane, his expression as captivating as ever. But the smile was there, however much his features were good at concealing the pleasure, and as she reached for the container of veggies aside her, he lifted her hand to his lips, graciously kissing the back of it.


	8. Chapter 8 Down Time

Alone in her room, Shepard lay back on her bed, closing her eyes at the sudden fatigue that leadened them. She'd done her rounds and decided they should set course for the derelict Reaper – another message had come from the Illusive Man, indicative of the dire situation there. The research teams were still unheard from, and time was stretching out.

Guilt in part guiding her, the Commander had instructed Joker to head towards the Thorne system. They were now on the long trek by FTL drive, having jumped through the relay in Century with ease. These were the quiet times of their mission, unavoidable and lengthy in the expanse of darkness between systems. In some ways the down time was a boon, but in the next blink it could be as much of a hazard.

She imagined that most often she thought about things too much – she could remember being told so when she were younger. Younger – like she were so old now. Reaching to touch the small pad aside her bed, the shutter drew back from the window positioned directly over her bed. Most of the time she kept it closed – waking up one night to be looking directly in the void of space was more then enough, thanks.

The stars were scattered few and far between, to the point that opening the shutter contributed to the darkness of the room more then anything. She often kept the lights low, there was peace in it, suited to the quiet that filled the room. She should have joined the crew for the late dinner shift, they enjoyed when she was with them, and sometimes it helped push her thoughts and memories into the periphery. The images of Protheans hadn't been far from her mind, almost indelible on the back of her eyes, even as her thoughts clashed with those of Thane.

Thane. He was the sound of the ocean, bottled into a person, something she was coming to use as a focus amidst all the chaos. As foreign as he was familiar. It had been decades since she'd been by any real ocean, in fact only a handful of times in her life. But it had been familiar too – there was just something that linked them.

It felt bad in the best way, selfish and needy, thinking of him when they were approaching this great unknown. Those feelings in and of themselves lent an immature, childish glee to her thoughts, and Shepard reached to gather her pillow closer as an unbidden smile relaxed her expression. Maybe there was comfort in that darkness now, her eyes trying to focus in the hollows of space that expanded beyond the reinforced window. Why was she staring into that blackness when she could be gazing into another?

* * *

Thane's hands rose along the back of Shepard's neck, her silhouetted relief lit by the bright shelves beside them. The slow caress tilted her head forward, his fingers lingering at the base of her skull, in her hairline. They had been talking for a while, relishing the few hours of freedom in the night. He could feel the suspended tension in her muscles, and his digits followed their curvature and shape, explorative even as the pressure he applied worked to relax them.

"In the end, I was trained to make difficult choices so that others wouldn't have to." She had been speaking about Virmire, even if she couldn't trace how their conversation led to it. Thane didn't pry, but the way he spoke revealed the intrigue he had in her. His hands on her, his closeness, made it easier for once to try and speak the honest truth.

"Such choices become the hinges of destiny." Thane's hands smoothed away down over her shoulders, giving them a squeeze as his words turned her cheek to him.

"As much as marks upon the soul." She made a soft sound as Thane's lips pressed against her cheek, and breathing in deep, Shepard added, "I try to find comfort in knowing I've liberated others from having to carry weight. Even if it isn't always there." A myriad of sleepless nights coalesced in her thoughts, and the shiver through her brought a squeeze from the firmness of her companion's hands.

"Do you base most of it – most of your life I mean – on principles?"

Shepard's arms stayed crossed, her head still tilted aside so she could see him, able to feel his presence close behind her. Sifting through her memories was tiring, but cathartic too. Like he was trying to unshoulder the weight she spoke of, to catalogue it. Maybe it if were organized it would be easier to carry. The compartments she'd fabricated for each trauma were already fairly small though. How did life continue on when it seemed to swing from tragedy to tragedy? It becomes routine.

"I like to think I do." She chuckled a bit, her shoulders easing down as she felt his warm hands caress up her neck again. Her relaxation under it relayed the unspoken trust that continued to grow between them. The willing vulnerability imparted.

"Perhaps that, as much as anything, is how you make your choices. If you adhere to your principles, then a good part of any decision is already made." Thane spoke with quiet care, the flange in his voice there as always. He subtly cleared his throat, breathing deep and silent, lungs fatigued from the long day, but willingly swept aside for her presence.

Turning around at his words, Shepard relaxed her arms, uncrossing them, and Thane's hands swept to catch hers before they could completely fall. It softened her expression, and she met his eyes. The way he held them expressed more then anything how much he cherished her and the time they found to be alone together.

"It doesn't make it easier." She breathed in deeply, and Thane squeezed her hands, fingers curling about her own.

"No… I suppose not."

"I can't let myself forget."

Thane chuckled dryly, murmuring, "Something I can relate to."

Blinking lengthily, Shepard's expression shifted, somewhere between a foolish smirk and swallowed grief, "..sorry."

"Don't be."

Shepard squeezed his hand in reply, relishing the closeness. He offered her a small smile, the only kind she ever saw, but one she hadn't seen given to others. His facial features suited the morose and stoic alike, but she could see the knots undone when he grinned.

Placing her hands together, Thane's own ran down her wrists, watching her face as the caress seeped along her toned forearms. They were lost in each other's eyes again for a moment, and the drell's fingers came about her elbows, drawing her snugly against him. Shepard couldn't help but smile, her hands unclasping to spread over his chest.

"Tell me your favourite memory, siha."

A strum of contentment vibrated in Shepard's belly, drawn away from the abysmal thoughts of her former life in the Alliance, away from the last words Kaiden spoke before the death she'd condemned him to. Her head tilted into Thane's lips as he kissed at the curve of her jaw line, lips dawdling back over her skin in a methodical way that evaporated the haunting memories even more.

"Favourite, huh?" Her fingers toyed with the open edge of his coat, and Shepard closed her eyes, breathing in deep and slow at the sensation of his own breath over her skin. "Should I tease and say something about another's lips?"

She felt the damp edges of his tongue flirt against her skin, and her abdomen tensed in the moment his lips plucked, nipping at her skin. She smiled without thought as she tried to focus and continued, "Or flatter and speak of yours?" Shepard closed her eyes, feeling the deft movement of his tongue as he kissed her skin, drawing the thrum of her pulse to the surface. In a breath, she added further, "Make it rather hard to think, you know."

"Ah…" Thane's head lifted, expression relaxed as he looked to her eyes, the subtle salt from her skin lingering on his tongue. "I apologize." He inclined his head to her, watching the movement in her eyes and the suppression of a smirk. His fingers plied her arms, slipped higher past her elbows.

"No, maybe… hard not to think of you?" The quiet hum of the life support systems filled the pause as Shepard gathered her thoughts, her fingers up past the zipper of his coat, touching over the patch of chest there, detailing each difference. Her eyes turned down to follow her fingers, comfortable in the cradle of his arms.

"What's yours?"

Thane's right hand tightened upon her upper arm, his expression losing its emotion as his eyes unfocused, "_Light dances off the glass past her, eye-catching, glowing about her so suitably_." His complex eyes blinked, seeing but unseeing, "_Her hand in mine, cherished soft words. 'You'll have a son.' A silver glisten in her eyes, small hands warm, squeezing mine_." Thane blinked again as he refocused on the woman in his arms.

Shepard hand slid up the bare patch chest, and Thane closed his eyes, restraint in his expression as her fingers traced up the crimson ribbing along his throat. He wondered if she realized how much it affected him.

"You're such a beautiful person, Thane." Shepard's voice was quiet and tender, and he looked to her again, no hint of exaggeration or taunting in her words. The intimate caress coupled with them shortened his breath, and he almost laughed, the sound just gravelly in his throat.

Reaching to take her hand from his neck, Thane's head tilted to kiss into the palm, eyes half-lidded as he breathed in the scent of her skin. What peculiar serendipity had brought them together, unlikely a couple as they were? She had done so much for him. That day in the Dantius towers he would have never imagined finding himself…

"I'll get back to you with that memory. I want to make sure it's a good one." Shepard's free hand played up Thane's side, the odd leather hugging the shape of his torso and giving with ease under her touch.

Letting her hand go free, Thane bridged the gap between them, kissing her with the sudden well of need inside. Shepard's hand dropped down, high on his chest as she tilted into his lips, and with scarce a thought, his tongue was with hers, drawing her into him all the more. It was a quick, stolen kiss that made her insides lurch.

Coming up for air, Thane's face hovered close to her, denying her another kiss as he spoke, "As you wish."

* * *

Panic rose in her chest, and Shepard's eyes fluttered open as she woke, trembling with the hard pace of her pulse. There was bile in her throat and she had to roll out of bed, unable to quite stand as she swallowed hard, hands reaching to touch the cold metal wall. Sweat clung to her skin, and her head didn't feel right, the sweat sucking at the air, trying to cool her feverish feeling skin. She sunk down to her knees. It wasn't enough though, and she continued to lie down on the floor, pulse and vivid dreams in her eyes.

"Commander?"

Shepard didn't answer right away, rolling onto her back, letting as much of her skin as possible come in contact with the cooling floor. She swallowed again, throat burning, but bile gone.

"What is it, EDI?"

"Are you alright?"

Shepard's hands rolled off her abdomen, well aware of her elevated pulse, and she pressed her hands to the ground.

"Not yet. Will be soon." Her voice was threadbare and she cleared her throat as she let her head loll back, heavy on the ground. Fuck, would it ever end. She opened her eyes, and saw the empty darkness of space looming over her, much to her dismay.

"EDI, close that." Her voice still cracked, betraying its disuse in sleep.

"Close what, Shepard?"

Shepard's arm came over her eyes, skin clammy but cooling as she tried to gather her breath and more quietly sighed, "The shutter. On the window." The metal plating slid across with scarce a sound, and Shepard's weight sunk more heavily into the ground.

Kaiden's voice flickered in her thoughts, the dream having found them and Ashley on Eden Prime, discovering the beacon like they had in another life. The vivid vision of the Protheans permeated it all, distorting their harsh words. It wasn't cohesive, but it caused enough pain. It had been easier to be angry at Ash then to think about the reality of her condemnation on Horizon. I let Kaiden die instead of you.

The dream lost some of its hold, and Shepard felt her pulse losing its agitated state. Sometimes there were no right answers. Even less, was there a happy ending? All she was doing was about survival. It had to be. And not just hers – but everyone's. Eyes still closed, she softly sighed, the roaming hands over her arms flopping to lie back against the ground. She could hear some of Thane's words from earlier linger in her thoughts, soothing the sting a little bit more.

"Should I wake Dr. Chakwas?"

Shepard licked her dried lips, rolling her head and opening her eyes a sliver, her voice a quiet ghost. "No. Just dreams, EDI." She forced herself to get up, reminded of her role, reminded of the eyes always upon her. They couldn't see what she saw, though. Her weight hung aside and she sat on the bed, feeling the crush of emotion in her slowly ebbing away.

Lying there until a semblance of normality returned to her, Shepard gradually opened her eyes again, after some time. Drawing breath, she neatly asked, "EDI?"  
"Yes, Commander Shepard?"

"What's the ETA to Mnemosyne?"

"Four hours and thirty-five minutes, though I suspect there will be difficulties upon arrival, given its status as a brown dwarf."

"Thank you, EDI."  
"Logging you out, Shepard."

Nodding to herself, Shepard strummed her fingers over her stomach, banishing Kaiden and Ashley's faces from her thoughts as she swivelled her focus to the encroaching mission. They'd have to be careful boarding the derelict Reaper – after the mishap with the Collector ship, she wanted this to go as smoothly as possible. Gathering her thoughts, she sat up and rose out of bed, moving to don her hardsuit and start prepping for what lay ahead.


	9. Chapter 9 The Reaper IFF

Shepard blinked rapidly as she heard the hiss of gas from the punctured container, waiting in her cover for the imminent explosion. Somehow they'd found themselves trapped again. When the Reaper's barriers rose to contain them, she couldn't help but think that the Illusive Man had drawn them into another trap. The husks were almost overwhelming them at every turn. The research team was dead, entrapped by indoctrination. And a geth sniper that knew her name was shadowing them. She was getting tired of surprises.

The surrounding ship groaned with movement, the sound vibrating deep through her feet. Hearing the explosion, Shepard looked between Garrus and Thane, checking their position before she turned the corner and traced to look for stragglers. The bang dissipated in the open space, muffling into the golden gale sky overhead.

Advancing along the platform with her heavy pistol drawn, Shepard checked her corners, working with her men to investigate behind every crate, wary as sounds were sucked out into the weightlessness around them. The husks had been crawling up from everywhere, undaunted by their gunfire and ravenous in their mindless task. Seeing them never ceased to settle a chill in her gut, hardening her resolve.

The ripple of biotic energy around Thane faded as he came to Shepard's side, eyes sweeping with trained diligence as his voice broke through on the comm, "All we need to do now is destroy the mass effect core."

"Then we get off the ship - fast." Garrus dropped a heat sink as he reloaded his assault rifle, and Shepard's head swivelling between the two of them before motioning to cover by the door.

"We still need that IFF. Those researchers can't have died for nothing." Shepard moved to the door, kneeling down to bypass the lock. The moment of down time let her catch her breath, the winds of the brown dwarf howling all around them With a subtle click, the door slid open, and Shepard rose to lead them in.

A moment of relief came to her as she saw the Cerberus terminal, and Shepard's fingers flicked over the keys to access the data. The door slid closed behind the turian and drell, leaving them in sudden quiet.

"This must be it." Garrus flexed his fingers about his rifle, gaze sweeping around the tunnel.

"So the Cerberus team did recover it."

Shepard nodded to Thane as the data came through, and she keyed in the sequence to unlock the mechanism with her omni-tool. Released from the port, she snatched up the IFF.

* * *

Hands aching in the wake of the shot, Shepard staggered back as the Reaper drive core exploded, the silvery shimmer of its energy dissipating rapidly into darkness. Underfoot the dreaming God lurched with a low, metallic groan. Scattered about the gangway were the broken bodies of more husks. It seemed like such a waste that they might have been people, to wonder where they'd been and if they'd had lives.

The Reaper pitched more heavily, and they had to regain their balance in the darkness left without the mass effect core to light their way. At Shepard's feet lay the geth who had opened the barrier and let them in, the sniper who had pegged husks around her head with neat, protective precision. Thane and Garrus came to her sides.

"Shepard - that geth. I think we should bring it. It's behaviour was... strange."

Shepard looked from Thane to the crumpled form of the geth, reaching out a hand to regain her balance as the ship pitched more heavily.

"Leave it. We have enough trouble."

The deep, unstable screech of buckling metal under rode their words, and a raspy moan seeped through. Shepard turned around. The blue-glowed limbs showed at the edges of the ramp, another wave of husks pulling themselves up, bloodhounds on their scent.

Eyes lingering a moment more upon the advancing husks, Shepard looked aside to Garrus, "Tali said no one's ever captured a geth intact."

"You know the risk. That's all I'm going to say."

Shepard shook her head even as they all wobbled with the growing instability of the ship around them, "There's no time for a debate. Move out."

Gathering her hand into a fist, a flicker of brilliant blue fire licked up Shepard's limbs, and with a wave of her hand spiked bursts of biotic power descended the platform, sending husk limbs flailing through aside.

"Cover us."

Thane shouldered his rifle at the command. Despite his protests, Garrus knelt with Shepard to gather the dead weight of the geth up over their shoulders like a fallen comrade. Weight distributed between them, they moved with greater ease past the grave hands coming up from the depths. The distinct pulses from Thane's precise shots echoed in the space as they jogged through the doors, hesitating as the outer set opened, letting in the full force of the 500 kph wind.

"Hang on folks." Joker's voice wavered over the radio.

Shepard had to let the weight from her shoulder, tapping her comm. "Open the port side."

They staggered forward with the geth as the roar of the Normandy's engines joined the splitting cacophony of the Reaper being sucked into the brown dwarf. Another set of husks collapsed, pegged by Thane's sweeping barrel. Dragging the synthetic to the edge of the platform, Shepard gauged the distance. Nodding to Garrus, they lifted their cargo, its body partially buoyant in the failing gravity. With dumb luck precision, the geth corpse floated weightless through the orange sky, clunking through the door of the Normandy. Shepard's order was lost in the gale of winds overhead as the mass effect field of the Reaper collapsed further. The derelict machine underfoot rocked and fractured, but the obedient, mindless husks advanced on them further. Shoulder locked, the Commander covered her team, eyes tracing targets to let her heavy pistol find its mark, as Garrus and Thane jumped the semi-weightless void.

The tint on Shepard's visor darkened as her heat sink emptied, the glare of the star bright. Slapping the pistol in its place on her thigh, she turned and made a run for the gangway. The Normandy looked impossibly far, and her right mind cried out caution. Pushing hard, she leapt off the grav-boot-secured safety of the deck, and her limbs swivelled for balance as she took to the sky.

The wind hit her body, illuminated against the burning blaze of the brown dwarf, and Shepard clenched her jaw with resolve as her momentum carried her. Boots slamming down onto the Normandy, she turned as her weight threw her in against Thane and Garrus.

"We're clear. Go."

The exterior door slid shut with a pressurized hiss, and Shepard unconsciously leaned back into Thane, his steadying grip resting her against the wall. She looked between her companions and shook her head with a dry laugh.

Collapsing his assault rifle, Garrus looked to her and said, "Good fun, but can we try to stop playing 'blow-it-up-and-run'? I can't keep winning like this."

The decontamination sequence ran as they stood in the airlock, and Shepard scoffed before saying, "Aw, c'mon Garrus, you're getting good at it."

"I don't think we'd know the losers for long."

Shepard slipped back against the wall, smirk unseen as she looked to Thane. Garrus offered a clipped 'hah'. The sterile scan swept over them again as they all adjusted their posture and looked at the package on the ground.

Tali is going to shit a brick. Shepard put her hands on her hips with a sigh.

"Call me crazy, but I don't think Tali is going to be too happy to hear you brought an intact geth aboard." Garrus' eyes were on her.

"I'll handle her." Shepard sighed again and knelt down, cautiously turning the synthetic over. What she saw confirmed her original, hasty observation. There was a piece of N7 armour grafted to its right arm, incorporated into its own. It was heavily scuffed and marked up.

"Is that...?"

Shepard stood up, eyes still down as she said to Garrus, "I wouldn't discount it. The way my life goes, there are way too many coincidences." Shepard put a hand to her comm, "Joker, send two crew to the hatch. We made a special friend."

"Sure thing, Commander."

* * *

Thane ate with a casual delicacy, listening with a burgeoning grin as the Commander relaxed into her story more, posture and tongue loosed by the wine shared at dinner, and by their privacy in her quarters. His glass remained untouched.

"Needless to say, he wasn't too happy some girl broke his nose. Never mind what it did to his pride."

A low rumble in Thane's throat gave his assent at the curious anecdote. All that he read never quite acclimated him to the norms of each species and the sexes within them. Shepard knowingly smiled at him, and he pulled out of his thoughts to rest his plate down on the low table beside them and shift closer to her.

"So you activated the geth?"

Shepard crossed one leg over the other, her hand waving aside as she drew a breath. Her complexion was flushed. "I did. He - it... is called Legion, now. He's going to work with us against the Collectors."

"Garrus mentioned something in the airlock." Thane reached across to trace a stray lock of hair from Shepard's brow.

"He's wearing part of my old armour. From before I died." The tipsy haze bled from Shepard's eyes, her gaze not meeting his. "I asked him about it, and I think I confused him." She sat back, reaching an arm up over the edge of the couch.  
"Oh?"

"'There was a hole.' was what he said. Of all the armour and debris, he didn't have any better reason then that." Shepard's unfocused, thoughtful gaze turned to the drell close beside her. "Thank you for backing bringing him aboard."

"I don't have the experience with the geth that you do, but it was obviously different."

"I was surprised Garrus wanted to leave it. He would know just as well as I do how abnormal the behaviour is." Their hands twined together and Shepard's voice fell away, leaving a casual grin tugging her lips. She sat up more fully and reached across to touch her fingers to his cheek.

An explorative touch led Shepard's fingers over the ridges that defined the Thane's forehead and crown. He was watching her as he often did, and her expression was more serene than it rarely ever allowed. Her eyes followed her fingers, studying the detail they took in.

"Garrus is very protective of you."

Shepard's eyes tugged down to his, the half-innocent curiosity evaporating from her expression as she grinned again. "He is. He's family, really."

Thane's head tilted, eyes narrowing at her as her hand dropped along the fluted frill high on his cheekbones. The pads of her fingers traced each groove, prompting Thane's hand to pull from the grasp of her other.

"Jealous, Thane?"

A low sound clipped in his throat, the vibration felt in her roaming fingers. Shepard's close-lipped grin widened as he leaned in at the invitation.

"I have no reason to be, siha." Thane's hand rose up over her knee, slipping under the bottom hem of her uniform. "I'm here. He's not."

Shepard sat up into his lips, and kissed him in affirmation, the affection bringing their bodies closer and letting Thane's hand slip higher up the curve of her backside. Their lips parted, the woody richness of the wine on her tongue, warm and heated against his own.

Weight shifting, Shepard's crossed leg pressed into his hand, and there was softness, the sculpted muscles giving as he squeezed, testing. Her knee turned to slip down between his own, resting on the seat beneath him. Leaning over Thane, her fingers dropped along his throat in a tenacious caress, urging a sharp intake of breath to disrupt their kiss.

The hand on her backside pulled Shepard closer, her free hand down the curve of Thane's neck, trailing to linger high on his chest. The foray of hands each challenged the next, and Thane let his other fingers seep under her uniform, inching up her thigh as she tilted her head into their kiss. The fabric bunched along his forearms, and sinking to sit in his lap, his fingers plied over the small of her back.

Jerking in against him, Shepard's hand fell from his throat, and she stifled a laugh against his lips, their tongues disentangling. Thane's head dropped back, dark eyes opening to hers in a moment of concern. His hands pressed down, flat along the back waistline of her pants, gauging her expression, a mix of embarrassment quickly hidden, a contained smile, flush risen in her lips; thankful to see, to remember, burned and ingrained, the moments she revealed herself more and more.

"I'm alright. Promise." Shepard murmured, breathing out against his chin, kissing him again before he was allowed any reply. She leant in, deepening the kiss with a simple tilt of her head, and Thane's hands rode up over her undershirt, spreading out against the curve of her spine.

Knee relaxing aside, Shepard 's weight sunk, straddled over Thane's thigh, and he breathed deep, the scent of her skin and body filling his senses, driving his pulse as her hand alighted over his throat once more. The kisses left him heady with needed breath, but he was falling in, tangled in their extrinsic pairing, netting on a wrist, fathoms calling.

Shepard's lips broke away, and a throaty breath tugged in through Thane's lips, spurred as much by need as by the presence of her lips on his neck. Her fingers ran up over the plated scales of his brow, encouraging his head back as her lips traced, parting to let her tongue play over the crimson pleats. Thane's fingers flexed, reflexively pulling her frame closer, his eyes closing to the focus of sensation, her breath there too, cooling saliva and magnifying the sensations. Shepard's uniform caught between her and Thane, his fingers gathered fabric and skin alike.

Mouth leaving his skin, Shepard closed her eyes, face tilting to trace her nose up the curve of Thane's cheek as her pulse palpitated unnaturally in her throat. The world softened in her view as she sat back, muted into some filtered vid. Her hand dropped to tug at the bottom hem of her uniform, the body-hugging fabric drawing up over her, and Thane read her intent, his hands pulling too. Left in just her clinging white tank, Shepard's fingers slipped down along the edge of his coat once more, playfully tugging the collar as she leaned in, lips-to-lips.

"Not fair."

Thane's fingers rode up the curve of her spine, and she blinked with the shiver through her, eyes open to the tilting world. She kept her lips with his as he leant in more, a ghost of a smile parting her lips, defined pulse high in her throat, when she found his eyes. Her heartbeat was erratic, unnatural, and his eyes deeper, collapsing stars that pulled her in. She must have made a sound.

"Siha?"

Wiry muscles cradled her body close to him, and Shepard blinked a number of times, trying to focus as her eyes followed the movement down over Thane's pliable skin. Her odd stare was broken by another few blinks as she tried to shoo the erroneous additions to her vision, things she knew shouldn't be there. But they were. Drell skin. She tried to swallow the palpitating lump in her throat, but her pulse was on a path of its own, pupils dilated.

"Yes?" She spoke in a breath, looking to Thane's eyes again.

Hands about her sides, the barest of smiles warmed Thane's expression, and he held her snugly. His lips pressed hers again, and Shepard's free hand reached to steady herself on his knee as he let her go. Her hand slipped further down his chest, snagging the zipper with a defined sound, unclasping links down the front as she tasted him again, tongues meeting to test and ply the other, a challenge that stirred something in her belly.

A soft sigh escaped Shepard's lips as Thane dropped his shoulders back, tugged away from their kiss to contort and tug the tight sleeves of his coat, baring his arms. Her fingers took to the exposure ravenously, tracing the colouring of his scales, and the intimate shape of his lithe musculature. A shape so similar, but firmer than her own. The space behind him distorted again, almost imperceptibly, and Shepard exhaled a short breath, leant back to give him the space.

Coat left rumpled behind him, Thanes hands naturally found their way back up the curves of Shepard's body, his own eyes following their touch. Hairline surgical scarring marred the fallow skin about her shoulder joint, and his digits swirled over them before drifting to similar ones over her breastplate. She shivered at the touch, turning a little, eyes half-lidded but dilated wide.

Shepard sat back, perched on his knee as her own hands drew together along his chest, fingers widening the zippered opening down to his abdomen. The muscles tensed under her touch, harkening a subtle smile as she leaned in for his lips once more.

Arms entangling around the woman in his grasp, Thane's fingers dragged up the back of Shepard's neck, catching into her hair, loosening the bun further as his lips parted, a growing familiarity in the coordination of their lips. His other arm wrapped around her back, holding her firmly, nearly pinning her arms between them. With precise fluidity he turned, revelling in the off-guard tension delayed in her muscles as he pressed her down aside him, leaning over her on the sparsely cushioned sofa.

Sound muffled against lips, Shepard's eyes opened, restraining a grin as Thane moved her, and her leg freed from its kneeling, swung errantly aside. The light 'tink' of metal was met by a carpeted thud and soft slosh, and Thane's lips broke away, a brief chuckle in his throat before he kissed down into her neck.

"Was that..?"

"Yes." Pausing only for the word, Thane's tongue fluttered down the defined edge of her collarbone, and the spill-borne cringe on Shepard's face dissolved into something new. His hand traced the swell of her breast, depressed into the unique softness, and her back slightly arced in reply, a quiet groan in her throat.  
Sitting up with a relaxed posture, Thane let his hand continued down over the exposed, relaxed muscle of Shepard's abdomen, the white cotton bunched up by her breasts. His fingers made a curious sweep about the dip of her navel, eyes over her body, imprinting each little movement, sight, sound, and the intricacies that made her, her.

Shepard's back relaxed upon the couch, eyes slivers that focused on his face, shoulders loosened to rest. His eyes stayed on her body for a few moments longer before her rose and disappeared up the steps with fluid ease. Sitting up to look where he went, Thane soon reappeared, and much to her amusement, knelt down to soak up the spilt wine with a towel, putting his empty glass back upon the table.

"Guess I'll have to stop pouring you wine."

_If you're reading this... get the hell outta this place! Now!_

Nice.

Shepard sighed and swung her arm aside, handing the data pad to Garrus. With a click, her pistol extended, charging the incendiary bullets in place.

"You know all the best parties, Commander."

Garrus tossed the datapad back onto the shipping crate, the assault rifle on his back easily unslung. The echo of dripping water filled the wide cavern around them, and Shepard turned with care as she scoped the mining tunnel. It was quiet. EDI had found life in it. Her intuition said it wasn't the miners. Thane was further down the tunnel near the door, and he motioned to her.

The familiar sound came like a spider up the back of her neck, and Shepard tensed as the door open, snapped into position and ready to fire. An exhalation of breath echoed inside her helmet, pre-empting her order.

"Move."

Her companions worked forward alongside her through the cover, and as they rounded the rocky bend in the tunnel, her suspicion was revealed. At their presence, the husks turned and began their slow, staggered advance, the sounds of their haunting moans echoing off the surrounding rock. Precise shots cut them down, and they pushed ahead through the tunnel.

The mines were filled with them, and the biotic glow of energy rippled through the tunnels, a cool light in the dark spaces. They hadn't encountered any bodies or survivors, just the husks that moved without thought, ever advancing. The work felt methodical and it wasn't till they were deep in that the true cause was revealed.

The miners had found a device deep in the minds, an alien machine. She'd seen it happen before on colonies and mining sites. Tampering with the unknown that lead to the ultimate enslavement and demise of all those there. Thane stood at her side, his head sweeping through the diverging cavern behind her while she went through the data.

"They look just like those on the derelict Reaper."

Shepard's pistol stayed in her hand as she leant on the console, shaking her head before closing the data file. Stabbing in a few commands into her omni-tool, she copied what information she could in case it was needed.

"That they do."

Turning about, Shepard motioned alongside her as she crept forward to peer down the two passages that were their options. Their lighting was similar, and she suspected they led to the same place. One inclined upward. It might grant them better position.

"We go right."

Her voice echoed off the wet rock around them, and Shepard took the lead, advancing at a brisk pace up the ramp.

* * *

"They're gone, Jeff. The Collectors took them."

Moreau looked up from the engineering terminal, even as his hands still moved over the glowing orange keys, hastily entering commands. His face was grave.

"Aw, shit."

Entering the last sequence, Jeff turned towards the core, limping with as much hurried finesse as he could. The improperly healed joint ached from the frantic flight to engineering, but he made it the last few steps without faltering.

"I am sealing the engine room."

Jeff hurriedly entered the commands, hesitating only a moment as he looked up to the core, his heart racing erratically like it had so many times the ship had been in peril. The mass effect field sprung to life about the core, flickering fog that roiled to a brilliant glow of blue-white. He lifted an arm in reflexive defence, stepping back from the console. With EDI's activation, the charging sound of the field overpowered the bleat of the warning parameter.

"I have control."

The Normandy sprang to life, the sudden force throwing Jeff back against the ground, and he groaned at the crack of his hips against the floor, a ripple of fractured pain through him. His consciousness wavered, air knocked out of him, but he cringed and moved none the less, hearing EDI again as the brilliant light about the core faded.

Jeff's ears rang and the AI's words barely filtered through. Slowly he sat up, frail limbs throbbing with the impact. He put his hand down beside him, closing his eyes once more. After a bit of manoeuvring, he found the best way to gingerly pull himself up to his feet.

"Send a message to Shepard's shuttle. Tell them what happened..."

* * *

Shepard motioned to Thane and Garrus, instructing them behind cover as she turned and smashed the husk clamouring at her with the reinforced elbow of her hardsuit. With a frazzle of electrical current, it collapsed to the ground. Before she could turn, the stacked canisters behind her exploded, flooding her back with the licking warmth of flames, catching a few more husks in its path.

A small knot undid in her abdomen, satisfied to know the device, distinctly Reaper technology, was destroyed. She turned around as the initial blast died, watching the sections of the apparatus fall to pieces, smouldering and crumpled. Rock from the surrounding cavern broke free, further smothering the indoctrination device.

Her comm crackled with static, coming back to life as nothing but a low fire remained. Tali's voice broke through.

" -mander Shepard? Shepard!"

Shepard's stomach lurched at the panic in the quarian's voice, and she immediately put a hand to her comm.

"Tali. I'm here."

"Th - they're gone Shepard, they're all gone! The Collector's came for the Normandy!"

Head snapping between her partners, Shepard turned and broke into a sprint back out of the mines. Her limbs pumped as adrenaline rushed through, and tapping her omni-tool, stims flooded her, invigorating her to push harder yet.

"Are you alright, Tali? Bring the shuttle. We're on our way."

Garrus and Thane flagged behind her as she rounded the bend past the terminal they'd been at scarce fifteen minutes before. She felt the helpless thud of her heart high in her throat and temples as she ran, mind running to every scenario, unable to escape the last sight before she died; the golden beam slicing through the remnants of the SR-1.

"Y-yes we're fine, it's a message from EDI."

Huffing out a breath, Shepard stepped up into a full run, easily picking over the collapsed bodies of husks and making it back to the surface ahead of the turian and drell. She stopped out in the middle of the small canyon they'd been dropped off in, looking up to the darkened, orange sky and the rain that fell from it. The droplets hit her helmet and visor, leaving outlined rivulets as they slipped away down the domed face. She couldn't hear the engines.

Touching her comm mute, Shepard balled her fists, turning as a blue brilliance licked up her body, and she cried out in aggravation, smashing her armour-clad fist into the rocky edifice beside her. The biotic energy dissipated into the unmoving stone, and she clenched her jaw with the grunt the impact brought. It made her shoulder ache, but she didn't care.

"Shepard?"

Fingers still clenched, Shepard turned around to see her landing party standing a few paces back. The drell took another two steps towards her, but she just raised a hand. He stopped. Garrus stepped forward past him as Shepard touched her comm back to life.

"Commander, it might not b-"

"Do you think EDI - no, not even EDI, do you think Tali would sound like that if-"

"No Shepard, I don't, I'm just saying..." Garrus threw up his hands defensively, turning aside.

"We need to wait till we have the full story." Thane clasped his hands together behind him.

The high whine of Kodiak's engines broke over the subdued patter of rain, and Shepard said no more, turning around to look skyward again. She put her hands onto her hips, swallowing away the rebirthed desire to pummel the stone.


	10. Chapter 10 Sea of Storms

The bottle in Shepard's hand made a noticeable clink as it hit down between her thighs onto the table. Her throat stung as she swallowed the rye, burning the way she'd hoped for on its way down. She licked her lips, staring at the bulkhead opposite her, unable to stop listening to the unsettling quiet that now permeated the Normandy. Her vision swung aside to the med-bay before closing her eyes.

She felt selfish for how much more weight the mission had gained in her mind - what was her crew compared to all the colonists that had been taken? She felt just as selfish for the half-drained flask in her hands. The rye had warmed her as it trickled down, now a flame in her belly. It subdued the darkening rage, disorientating it.

Joker's blame-laden words rang in her mind, stoking the anguish she compressed down inside. When she'd gone to see him on the bridge, he'd blown up at her. He'd apologized in the next breath, but it didn't erase the damage done. He'd kicked when she was down. Not that he had known she was.

Shepard shook her head, raising the bottle again to take a slow sip of the rye. She held it in her mouth, eyes unfocused even as she looked towards the med-bay again, thinking of the brandy she'd shared with Dr. Chakwas. And of the ale the engineering crew had broken out right where she sat, shortly before Shepard had cleaned house at Skyllian Five.

She stood up off the table, jaw clenched tight again. They were on the long trip to the Sea of Storms, hoping to disable Heretic Station. There was speculation that disabling the 'rogue' geth might help weaken the Collector or Reaper campaign. It had to be taken out. After, they would be heading through the Omega 4 relay, and if they didn't return...

"Commander?"

Shepard turned around, her free hand smoothing over her face to brush back the hair from her face, her bun come partially loose.

"Garrus. Sorry. I didn't see you."

The turian waved a hand, dismissing the apology, hesitating before he said, "Primary and secondary systems are fine. The ship is unscathed, really. And with EDI integrated now..." He sighed out, hand dropping.

Nodding, Shepard crossed her arms, the flask tucked in under her bicep. She licked her lips, "Thank you. I'd still like the systems monitored, with the virus that went through."

"Well, Tali's in engineering, and Miranda and Jacob are keeping an eye on the command deck, as you instructed." Garrus shifted his weight, "I'm not sure where the others could help with ship duties. Mordin's busy in the lab..."

Swallowing dryly, Shepard gave a nod before inhaling sharply, no emotion in her voice, "Tali's coming with me onto the station. I'll have a roster of who can do what before we get there. I'd appreciate it if you looked after things while I'm gone. Though, I suppose it's getting late..."

"Of course, Commander."

Shepard uncrossed her arms, hand relaxing down to rest the flask on the table. Her temples hadn't stopped throbbing since Tali's frantic communication back on Aequitas. She hadn't rested since their return, and she'd been starved for sleep then. But command was her autopilot. It was a safe-zone under fire. Her gaze swept into the kitchen, scattered with pots and pans from the middle of a meal.

"Are you alright?"

Shepard glanced back to Garrus, nothing given in her expression. Releasing the proprietary grip on the flask, she rested her hands down on her hips.  
"I'm fine, Garrus. They aren't lost."

Garrus shifted his weight, brow heavy, concern unhidden from her. He unconsciously mimicked her stance, three-fingered hands upon his armoured hips.

"You have a hard time convincing me you're fine when I can smell the liquor on your breath." He kept his eyes on her. "It isn't like you."

Shepard's expression lightened, purposely, even as she looked down, watching her fingers trace around the mouth of the flask on the table.

"Just trying to make things easier."

"You know we're all here for you, right?"

The Commander's head rolled to look back up to Garrus, the moment of weakness fled from her features. There was darkness about her eyes, though. "Course. I'm here for - well. Wasn't for the crew, but..."

The silence hung between them before Garrus interjected, "There was no way you could have known."

"I know."

"No one blames you. And we're going after them."

Don't they. Shepard's eyes strayed aside, biting her tongue. She was Commander Shepard; Elysium war hero; the first human Spectre; Saviour of the Citadel; defeater of Saren and the geth. The expectations stacked ad nauseum. And her crew had been kidnapped from her own ship. Garrus' eyes were still on her as she finally spoke.

"Get some rest, mm? You've been going non-stop since we got back from Aequitas."

"So have you."

"Ahh, I'm used to it." She looked at the turian, smirking. "I have a few more things to take care of though. I'll find you before we reach the station."

Shepard casually tugged the flask along with her as she turned and strode out before Garrus could respond. She turned left down the hall, away from the elevator.

Standing in the dim light, Garrus was at a loss. Fatigue was seeping over the edge of his second wind, but he still had a few tasks he wanted to finish before trying to rest. He'd lost track of the time.

Turning towards the battery, he went to collect a datapad, perusing it as he catalogued the duties to complete, pushing personal thoughts to the back. Garrus walked back through the quiet, heading towards the elevator. His footsteps sounded off the metal floor as he followed where Shepard had gone.

The doors down the passage were all closed. Garrus sighed, letting it go, and turning about, the elevator opened to reveal Thane standing inside. The drell inclined his head as he straightened his posture and stepped out. Garrus raised a hand.

"Just the person I was wanting to see."

"Indeed?" Thane's brow lifted as he clasped his hands together behind his back.

Garrus' fringe bristled, disquiet at the unreadable front of the drell. His mandibles flexed as he nodded, almost crossing his arms in defence. Thane kept his gaze, expression unchanged. Garrus sighed with fatigue, the pre-thought lecture evaporating.

"Look. Just... go find Shepard?" He looked down and met Thane's stare.

"Is she unwell?" The drell unclasped his hands, rigidity fled from his posture.

Garrus glanced down the hall towards the observation deck and crew quarters, chewing over his thoughts.

"No. Er - well." The turian rocked back on his feet, adjusting his posture. Shepard hadn't ever said anything to him, but the talk amongst the crew had been enough. It was hard to keep secrets on a ship. "I'm not the man she needs right now."

Thane stiffened slightly, but looked down where Garrus' eyes had directed. There was an odd moment of silence, before he quietly spoke, "Thank you, Garrus. I'll find her."

Garrus nodded awkwardly, fanning the data pad in his hands before skirting aside Thane and escaping into the elevator. Left alone, Thane stepped silently down the hall towards the crew quarters.

* * *

The doors parted before Shepard, revealing the quiet disorganization of the crew quarters. She quickly strode in, and a soft 'shh' left her closeted away in silence.

More then one of the beds was unmade, the standard, matching sheets crumpled on one mattress, and tripped off the side of another. There was the blackened scorch of weapon damage by the door, and on the reinforced window at the back of the room. A locker at the end of a tidy, turned-down bed was open, showing the intimate contents inside. The subdued hum of the mass effect core was the only noise apart from her breathing, overridden by the sound of liquid sloshing as she took a final drink from her flask, willing herself to cap it off.

The rye heated her throat, keeping it from constricting with the pain of emotion that left her sensitized to the tips. She felt raw with loss, an emptiness that harkened back to her childhood. Shepard always prided herself on knowing her crews, wanting friendship as much as fealty from those who served under her.

Shepard stepped closer to the locker, seeing a small furl of paper secured within. A very simplistic, inaccurate drawing of the Citadel was on it. It was Rolston's locker. She'd heard the man speak of his family glowingly on more the one occasion, admiring his resolve to stick with the mission despite such intimate duties elsewhere. She clenched her jaw, thinking of the little girl that might never see her father again. A chill ran through her.

Pulling her eyes away, Shepard tightened the cap on the flask, throwing it aside as she heard Joker's voice in her thoughts again. It clattered under a bunk. He'd been here. Seen them dragged off by the Collectors. Heard their screams. Her reaction had been flawless and instinctual, intuitively knowing he would have suffered and that he was lashing out from stress.

But, she'd died saving him.

The thought offered by her subconscious exacerbated the gnawing inside. Ignoring an overturned chair, Shepard leant forward onto the table at the back of the room, her foot catching a cup on the ground. It rolled and clunked into the bulkhead, the sound of its movement dying away as she choked out a breath. She closed her eyes. The drink was going to her head, a flush of dizziness through her.

"Ahh fuck."

Shepard pushed up, hand coming over her mouth to wipe away the obscenity, the other hugging high around her abdomen. She kept her eyes closed, another surge of guilt joining the closed well of emotion held under pressure. The room was cold and dark, absent of life. It never escaped her.

She wanted to hit the table and kick the other chair over. A brief shimmer of manipulated dark energy illuminated her. Shepard thought of Jack when she felt like throwing a tantrum, remembering how the woman screamed in frustration on Purgatory when she saw the Cerberus logo on the Normandy. Biotics wild, renting metal apart and exerting her will on the world around her. She knew the anger and rage. She was much better at controlling it.

Crossing her arms, Shepard looked aside again, seeing the haste of the situation in each detail in the room. She'd joined Rolston and Patel in here before for morning coffee. The crew were good people. Good soldiers wanting to be part of something greater - to do what they could when other powers that be wouldn't listen. They'd joined Cerberus on that principle. The Illusive Man did well stacking the crew with people she'd inspire. If there had been any xenophobes they had learned fast to keep their mouth shut.

Her throat tightened and Shepard ran her hands into her hair, loosening the bun that secured her dark russet tresses. They fell down about her shoulders, and she slipped the tie over her wrist, massaging her fingers over her scalp as she ran her hands into her hair. She was clenching her teeth again, stemming the emotions the liquor was freeing.

Whether she believed they'd make it through the relay wasn't of consequence. Neither was if she thought they'd save the crew. Or defeat the Collectors. Or even survive. If her team believed it - if they believed that she was confident in them and their abilities - that was what mattered.

She'd kept face at the debriefing, meeting with all everyone left to go over what had happened to the crew. She'd delegated the work and stayed strong, hoping picking up the slack would distract them from the reality of things. They were a mish-mash of individuals and Shepard was proud at how cohesively they all worked. It gave her hope when there truly was so little.

This wasn't like Saren and Soverign. Even then, she'd had the Alliance fleet and innumerable warships fighting for the same cause. Her numbers were cut down, and the fate of humanity was now in the handful of people on this ship. How many more would die? Even if it was worth it...

Shepard clasped her hands together at the back of her head, pulling out of her thoughts, focusing on the small room around her. She hadn't come here to fall into the same old routine of reflection. She wanted to feel the emptiness and intimacy of loss. Mordin had said something once about making a connection to make the fight personal and gain perspective. She needed this suffering to make her stronger - to pull out of its grief destroying her.

But God, did it hurt. Shepard sighed out, the sound wavering. Her fingers dragged down the sides of her neck. The crew deserved better.

The quiet blip of the door opening behind Shepard seemed magnified, and the lack of audible footsteps told her who it was. She didn't need to turn and see.

Thane walked into the crew quarters at a careful pace, his eyes trained on the woman standing inside. Her hair was undone, something he'd only seen once or twice in the privacy of her quarters. The russet tresses had a permanent wave to them from where the elastic secured them every day. It softened her, feminized her.

Turning aside to look back, Shepard's gaze pulled up to Thane's. Her face was framed by the hair, fitting into the angelic metaphor that had become her namesake even more. There was no mask on her features, her eyes heavy and lips in a grim line. He took the last few steps to her, and as she raised a hand, pulled her into his arms.

Her hair still smelled like the mines from Aequitas, a metallic tinge that conflicted with the natural scent of her body, sharp against the sweetness of the liquor on her lips. They were going on forty hours now, and Shepard pressed her cheek against his, skin warm as she embraced him. As much need as there was in the way her hands pulled him, she drew back almost immediately. Her jaw hardened.

"You're doing alright?" He'd come from the lab. Mordin had flawlessly taken over the daily treatments Chakwas had been monitoring to help deal with the symptoms of his illness.

"Yes. I'm more concerned about you, siha."

Shepard's body tensed, and she rolled her head aside, turning to look to the back of the room again. The crush of emotion was more difficult with Thane there. He was not someone she could block out anymore. Even if she did, he would see through it. She blinked rapidly, unable to meet his gaze.

"They deserved better than this." Shepard put her hands on her hips.

"Yes. But do you think you'd have affected the situation were you here?" Thane reached to take one of her hands in his, pressing it between his palms.

Shepard closed her eyes, lines of fatigue under them. She drew a deep breath. "I don't know."

"If you and the Normandy were taken, there would be no one to save them."

Sighing, Shepard pulled her hand away and turned towards one of the bunks. "I know that, Thane." She crossed her arms, back to him. "That doesn't make it any better."

Thane's hands dropped down, watching the way her shoulders tensed in, his gut knotting at the timbre of her voice. He was a recluse. And even if he knew few saw all of her, Shepard invested in each of her crew.

Shepard ran her hands up over her face, shuddering, the stress in her frame like an iceberg, only the tip of it revealed in her movement.

"Some days I feel like it's my job to help people die." She stepped away even as Thane moved closer, body tensed and rigid. She sat down on the bunk, face lit by the faint glow coming in the window.

"We've all made a choice to be here. You inspire others to want to be more then themselves. To be part of your greatness."

"Just stop, okay?" Shepard hunched forward into her hands, hair obscuring her features. She could hear Kelly's light laughter in the back of her mind, and Hawthorne gripe about Gardner's cooking before the rations had improved. She pushed her hair back over her ears, sitting up again.

"I know all of those things, Thane." She put a hand down on the bed she sat on, her head dully throbbing. Her voice was raw and untempered. "I should have seen it with the IFF after what happened on the Collector's ship. These people had families." Her head snapped to him, eyes glistening, "You have family. Yes, it's the cause to fight for it all, but there are people out there who'll miss all of them. Who will question why I didn't do more."

_ A touch over the babe's brow, and Kolyat quiets. Her smile fades at my empty words. "But I need you here..." she whispers. The rain outside falls harder, hitting the windows and concealing my reply. But I say it again. "I love you."_

A shadow hung over Thane's eyes as he stood there, caught by his memory as much as the vulnerability in Shepard. He had to breath deep at the acute constriction in his chest, Irikah's pained eyes silhouetted in his vision; the anxiety present in Shepard's. The scent of Yeoman Chamber's perfume was in the air, mingled with sterile undertones.

Shepard's eyes swept upward, blinking rapidly as she felt the bed weigh down behind her.  
"I shouldn't have drank anything."

Thane reached to gather her close without a word, his lips into her hair. She rested her forehead on his shoulder. His jacket creaked as he moved, his hips abutted to hers.

The throb in Shepard's head ebbed away some as Thane's breath warmed her crown. His fingers rose up the curve of her neck, combing and catching her hair. Her breath clipped, a shudder through her body that made Thane pull her closer, his arms encircling her.

He closed his eyes, unable to ignore the subtleties in her changed breathing as she choked a quiet cry. He would never forget the sound, the way it crushed his gut, or how her body curled into him. It was all she allowed to escape, but it was enough. His fingers worked down the back of her neck again.

"I have you." Shepard's words muffled against him.

"You have others too." The words came quick on his tongue, even as her body pressed into him, urging him back. It felt awkward, lying on another's bed. The fruity sharpness of Kelly's perfume grew stronger.

"Not like you."

Thane's chin tucked down, back resting on the headboard. Her legs hung off the side of the bed, cheek lower on his chest. His suit felt impersonal. Dragging his fingers over her cheek, Thane swept the stray hair from Shepard's face, her eyes turned aside. Her eyelids were heavy with fatigue and drink. He could hear her breath, a ragged edge to the exhalations, even as they were slowing.

"I'm so glad you're here." Shepard whispered, her fingers tracing up his inner forearm. She could feel the movement of his breaths. "Your arm's mine, right?"

"Yes, siha."

The weight of her body sunk into him more at the inflection in his name for her. Thane drew his fingers over her scalp, spreading out the airy locks on his chest, and she gave a soft sigh. Her eyes were closed now, the moments unable to be gauged as they passed, the room dark. There would be no interruptions. Thane still ran his hands over her head and neck, watching her and listening to the deepening sounds of her breath.

In the lengthening quiet, it dawned on him that she'd fallen asleep. The stress lines had fled her features, leaving a purity behind that he couldn't take his eyes from. Freed from the yoke of command, it left innocence and tranquillity in its wake.

Since arriving on the Normandy, Thane had revived from his battle sleep, sand-leaden limbs filled with life. The monochromatic view had warmed into brilliant hues once more, and each emotion she'd tugged free was another paintbrush on the scenery. She had wandered into the garden of his memories. He wished she'd never leave.

Thane's eyes stayed on Shepard's sleeping face, caught by his need for her closeness. Nothing more than a carefree child when he had made his first kill. Not yet a woman when he became a father. A human, an alien, an unknown that still unravelled. She was so much more, his indefatigable curiosity a lust of the mind that had permeated everything.

_A sigh like a first breath after breaking the water's surface. Her reddened lips parted, dilated pupils stolen away by dark lashes. Back arced, her bosom lifted, pressing to, speaking without words. _

Fingers coiled into Shepard's hair, Thane blinked lengthily and let his breath seep from him. He lingered in the memory, the sudden ache in his loins feeling improper. The way her skin tasted was palpable, the sound of her breathing so different from its relaxed pace against his chest. It was another facet of her prismatic existence, letting him see the light that shone through, the rainbow it spilt over her path.

But it was only so long that he had to bask in her light. His lungs resisted the breath he drew, like they were taking ballast. Thane opened his eyes again, even though fatigue leadened his limbs. It was a selfish want to see her. As long as he saw her, he could escape the sinking chill in his stomach.


	11. Chapter 11 The Eve of Battle

Alone in her quarters, Shepard tossed her helmet on the sofa. Her body ached and so did her mind. But the heretic geth threat was disabled. And she may have secured the allegiance of Legion's geth beyond the veil. The disbelief of Tali's words clung in her mind. Shepard had strengthened their numbers. As much as she loved Tali, the geth were an entity of life that deserved to exist outside of subjugation.

They might prove a valuable ally. Just like the rachni.

The links of armour clicked away as Shepard stripped. She gingerly rolled the lingering hardsuit down over her hips, running a hand over an energy burn on her abdomen. The medigel layer kept her fingers from the tender flesh, but there was still heat in the wound beneath.

She wanted nothing more then to sink into the shower, but there were still schematics and data to go through one more time - even if they were still hours from communiqué with the Illusive Man, and even longer till they hit the relay that would take them through to Omega and their destiny. Shepard moved about her room, clad in just her undergarments, swinging her arms to stretch before gathering up her uniform off the bed. It was wrinkled from wear. There wasn't the time or the people for the luxury of cleaned, pressed garments anymore.

Sighing, Shepard pulled her clothing on, hands smoothing over her curves to help it comfortably fit. Flicking on her desk light, she sat down and took up the first data pad. Sinking into the leather chair, she flicked through the info, time dissolving into the tedium.

Some time later, the latch on her door gave way, and Shepard sat up, looking to the door as it slid open. Thane stepped in, hesitating in the doorway.

"Thane..." Shepard turned the data pad as he strode down the steps, posture rigid. A shadow hung over his eyes, and he stopped beside her.

"Siha, I --" Thane turned to pace beside her as he spoke, eyes down. "I have known I would die for many years. I've tried to leave the galaxy better then I found it." He turned away from Shepard, lifting his chin before his eyes swept down. "You've helped me achieve more then I thought possible. We've righted many wrongs..."

Still at her desk, Shepard could only keep her eyes upon him, listening in silence, an anxious weight in her chest.

"I've spoken to my son." Thane finally turned around to her, brow heavy over his eyes and anger in his voice. Shepard stood up without thought as he spoke, "I should be at peace on the eve of battle."

"Stop." She reached for his arm, squeezing and running her hand up his bicep, his eyes down. "Don't give me a speech."

"I'm ashamed." Thane gave a bewildered shake of his head, looking up to her from beneath a knitted brow.

Touching her hand to his cheek, Shepard offered no words. His expression faltered at it, and Thane caught her wrist, pulling it down as he turned away from her again. Immobilized, she watched, silent as his shoulders hunched forward and he leaned both hands onto her desk.

He had been able to keep his thoughts organized until she touched him. Sorted and set so he could speak of them. She was liberating in the most frightening way. Thane's head dropped forward, brow heavy as a tremble ran through him, unbidden tears down his cheek.

_Muted morning light breaks over the docking bay. Even from the shadows its light was a blessing. Home - home would come soon. The metal glinted with the burgeoning light. My comm blips. Just in time before boarding. The air is stolen from me, and there is dampness on my cheeks. She is dead._

Incensed, Thane's brow furrowed more heavily, a tremor through his body as his muscles tensed, rising through him. Teeth clenched, he punched into the desk, wrist absorbing the shock, the metal unforgiving. The jolt tore him from his memory, immersing him in the constriction of his failing lungs, and at the reality of the emotion in him. He looked aside, seeing Shepard in his periphery, her eyes still on him, fraught with concern.

"I've worked so hard. Meditated and prayed and done good deeds. Atoned for the evils I've done." He looked back down to the desk, hunched forward. The tears spilt further down his cheek, "Prepared. I consider my body's death, and a chill settles in my gut."

Even with his eyes down, Thane knew Shepard was beside him, the cool scent she always brought in the air. His knuckles slipped on the table, unable to abate the tremor tensed in him. Then her hand was there without a word, forearm laid over his, steadying, reassuring, and it drew his eyes up to hers.

"I am afraid, and it shames me." He looked down to their hands.

"Thane..."

His fingers relaxed as Shepard's hand slipped into his grasp, and Thane turned at her closeness, his breath seeping in more easily. Her eyes kept his gaze as he finally looked to her, palm warm on his skin.

"Be alive with me tonight."

Her lips gave Thane no voice to reply, the plush press a breeze through the chill inside. Shepard's fingers spread over his cheek, smearing his tears. His own hand rose up her hip, along the curve of her waist as she drew back, her eyes to his.

How was she so intoxicating? Thane's hands crossed over behind her back, drawing his body to hers, as much as snugly fitting her against him. Their cheeks slid past one another as he buried his face in her neck, in her hair, the lingering musk of sweat on her skin, too subtle for human senses.

The embodied spirit sees death on the horizon as soon as the day dawns. He was dwelling on that end. An end that was always coming, always looming. She blocked the brilliant light of the setting sun, stopping the glare and letting him see.

Shepard cradled the back of Thane's head, fingers trailing over the hardened ridge of scales, closing her eyes and breathing deep. Her eyelids squeezed tighter as Thane's mouth found purchase in her neck, her body tensing as tongue and lips took to her skin. The way her breath stumbled fuelled the embers and let him escape the vulnerability. The appetite gave him hope.

The collar of Shepard's uniform crumpled under Thane's chin as he nipped into her neck, and she rose on her toes, arm over his shoulder to cradle his head into her. Her head tilted, nose poignant against his cheekbone, and dragging his tongue up, he let it pass over her ear before kissing her.

One hand high between her shoulder blades, Thane stepped into Shepard, his other hand upon her waist, tugging to keep her close against him. Fingers plying the muscular curves, he traced up the dip of her waist, feeling her tense as their lips parted to deepen the kiss. Warm and broken by the soft sounds of breath, they kissed again, each one intensifying and lengthening the tangle of their tongues, adding to the pace of their pulses.

Shepard's fingers tightened, a subtle flush on her cheeks as Thane ran his hands down her body, a fluid motion to catch the bottom hem of her uniform and pull it up. Disentangling her arms from him, they lifted over her head, the garment crumpling in his hands. Thane's eyes drew to her lips, rosy from the kisses, as much as her cheeks, suffused and betraying his effect on her. It further loosened the knot, and he dragged her top down behind her back, leaving her arms tangled in it as he pinned her against him.

"He-"

The words cut away as Thane kissed her again, breath released through Shepard's nose as she tensed, caught in his firm grasp. Wriggling her shoulder, Thane only repositioned, and her smile grew in their lips, even as his tongue skirted over them.

The soft huff of breath betrayed her, and Thane dragged his lips down the curve of her jaw, nudging her head back, a scattered play of his lips tugging at her skin. Shepard's eyes closed again, a bit of the fight ebbing from her as her pulse renewed itself beneath his lips. He finally tugged the top away, letting it drop to the floor, and her hands snaked up his arms, a heady sigh on her lips.

Thane plucked over her skin, suckled nips that accentuated her breathing, each movement and sound she made read and compared with each memory. Shepard's hands skirted around the collar of his jacket, lips parted with her weighted breaths, and she tugged back what he would allow. In the space between them, still cradled in his arms, her fingers lit down the catches that would free him from the garment. She kisses the bridge of his nose, and his eyes turned up to hers, dark orbs mirroring the dilation of her own.

Shepard's fingers moved with a knowing grace, baring his sculpted and strip-laced chest. Rather then letting her go, Thane turned her, stepping her back closer to the bed. Her hands were hot over his chest, and she tilted her head down into his neck, the touch of her lips on the red ruffle of his neck reasserting the kempt throb of his pulse in his loins. Sound rumbled in his throat, and Thane relented, his arms moved by her hands, stripping away his jacket and vest.

A flutter of her pulse chided Shepard for the freedom of her lips, but it was swept away in the growing need as their hands and bodies connected again. Thane ran his hands over her back and sides, swiping away the supportive white tank, and his eyes closed as she kept her mouth on the flushed, sensitive folds of skin along his neck. He reluctantly shirked her lips, fingers tangled in the soft cotton, and in the wane space between them he pulled it off too, leaving the soft warmth of her skin exposed for him.

The press of their bodies and the body-sculpting tightness of Thane's pants did nothing to conceal his arousal. Closing his eyes as Shepard's lips found his neck again, Thane's fingers plied around her thighs, and as he plucked her off the ground, her breath caught. Reflexively she linked an arm around his neck, her breasts flattened against his chest, warm as ever against his cool, pebbled scales. One of her legs caught around his thigh, but he moved with fluid ease, knee resting onto the side of the bed as he pressed her down beneath him.

Turning his cheek with her nose, Shepard found his lips, kissing Thane with a burning vigour, and his own rumble of pleasure met the sigh in her throat. Her foot linked more surely about his calf, keeping his leg pinned as his fingers rode up into her hair, cradling her neck.

Weight on his elbow, Thane let his other hand creep up her thigh, the pads of his fingers suppressed into her skin, soaking her in. He pulled from her lips, his breath audible against them, and looked over her face. Rolling his hips against hers, his fingers toy up over her breast, seeing her lips part wider, head press back into the covers, eyes feathered closed by her lashes. The throaty sigh of a reply made his heart thud as much as his loins.

Thane tilted away from her lips, leaving Shepard blinking to gauge her surroundings, the edges of her vision fuzzy with prismatic colour, her pulse fluttering high in her chest. Her bottom lip fell open as his mouth caught onto her nipple, and her hand snuck up his arm, squeezing the muscle. His name on her lips urged his tongue against the wrinkled nub on her breast, her knee bending to link more firmly around him, hips grinding a sure reply.

Shepard's fingers played over the fringe of scales high on his cheek, knowing caresses that led down the softened skin of his red neck. His teeth caught on her nipple, her touch tensing him, and his teeth tensing her, drawing their bodies together, hips pressing again. She sighed out, head pressing back into her mussed hair, the bun come loose, dark strands sticking about her cheeks.

His fingers swirling over in the wake of his lips, Thane's breath seeped against Shepard's skin before he caught the other nipple. Her skin was salty and the scent of her changed with her arousal. Her eyes, her cheeks, the heat of her body, each had become a sign etched in his memory, no detail forgotten as he toyed with her and strung the wire tighter.

Trying to roll him, Thane pressed Shepard back against the bed with the weight of his hips, a half-chuckle in his throat and against her bosom. Huffing a breath, her body tensed against his, and he only shook his head before leaning up to kiss her, chest flattening her breasts. Elbow around the back of his neck, Shepard's lips parted to taste him again, lost in the hazy sensation of their bodies, and the wake of her lips on his skin. It let her pulse fly unrestrained, the warmth through her body and the steady throb of its pace between her legs undeniable.

Fingers tracing down the subtle ridges along his spine, Thane tensed into Shepard, nipping at her tongue as they kissed. Her fingers smoothed over the sculpted curve of his backside, before roaming to catch the waist of his pants. Her thumbs tugged down, the tight, leathery material skirting some, even as Thane leant into her more, his free hand swiping her breast and abdomen in reply.

Her breath was in his mouth, deepened as Thane kissed her again, rousing a low sound in her throat that tightened his pants. He snagged at her belly, conjoined fingers easily tugging the zipper down, and Shepard arced into him as his hand slid under the fabric, the 'zzz' of the zipper undoing further as he took a handful of her hip. She raised her thigh into his grasp, and their tongues broke apart as he revealed her more.

Exhaling out, Shepard offered a private smile, meeting Thane's eyes. The breath was cool against the heat of her body, contrasting the subtle flush his modified eyes could see on her cheeks. Their lips stayed touching as her hand mimicked his, caught under the second-skin.

A flicker in her backlit eyes, Shepard's head dipped at the same moment her left hand swirled down along his loins, and touching him intimately, her mouth opened on the ridges of his neck. Thane's voice rumbled with soft strain as he leant into her mouth, eyes closing to the sensation flooding with the rise of his pulse. The tip of her tongue toyed over the red folds, her thigh supporting her hand to press against his groin.

Leaning back onto his knee, Thane drew away, his hands tangling in her ashen pants and pulling them off. His fingers snaked back up her thigh to tug her half-mast, white panties off too, dropping them off the bed behind him. Shepard's feet slipped back beside him as he put her legs down, his eyes following his hands as they flowed over her knees and thighs. He looked back to her, almost grinning as she strummed the tips of her fingers over the bulge in his pants again, and he murmured as he leaned back over her.

Hooking her legs about his waist, Shepard met his kiss, their hips grinding together again and aggravating Thane's rumble, the specifics lost in their lips. His fingers caught her hair, and Shepard met his other hand with her fingers, linking them together. Muscles tensing, she turned her hips, and had Thane flipped most of the way before she was met with resistance. His fingers snagged down the back of her neck, and light laughter broke from Shepard's lips as she leant over him.

Thane's breath strained painfully in his chest, even as the last bit of melancholy fled his features, her lips in his neck again. The warmth of Shepard's skin compressed against his scales left his breathing ragged, their teasing play chasing away memories, leaving his mind just to feel, and smell, and taste, and trace each detail he was given and that he found. He pressed back against her hand, tugging her into him more with the other.

Shepard shimmied down Thane's body and turned to pull down his lingering, leather garment with a lack of ambiguity. The dark material peeled down his thighs, and watching it pop off his feet, Thane slipped an arm around her waist to turn her back beneath him, rolling over and twisting the bedsheets into further disarray. Shepard laughed again, the way she only ever did for him - he could hear it in the unique timbre of the relaxed sound.

Hair fully unwound, the dark strands stood out against the light bed, and against Shepard's fallow skin. Even as their bodies pressed together, Thane brushed the hair from her eyes, feeling her quickened breaths against him, her breasts flattened to his chest. Their lips intertwined once more, and his eyes closed as her hand roamed over his bare muscles, and over his arousal.

Shifting her thigh, she pressed against his bare loins, and Thane moved in response, his tongue wrapped around hers with dextrous ease. Pinning her arm down beside her, Shepard groaned into his lips in half-protest, her thigh creeping higher around his waist. When she opened her eyes, the air was ephemeral, pulse erratic, pupils dilated wide.

As Thane's mouth slipped away into her neck, tugging and plying her skin, Shepard's eyes fluttered, motes of lights flirting over the ceiling, drying her mouth. Reaching down, he positioned himself with a slight shift, and his breath came hot on her skin as he pressed forward into her.

Shepard's eyes were lost as her pulse fluttered, and she arched into Thane, the pent breath seeping out, her thigh tensing as their hips nestled flush. His fingers tightened on her arm, the other hand creeping up her side, breath upon her ear, hastened and heavy. Tilting her flushed cheek against Thane, Shepard slipped her free hand up his back, the fingers of the other straining to touch him as she sighed out.

Rolling his hips, Thane moved with a steady pace, satisfied their sudden union had caused no foul. The sweat on her skin added to the taste it, the scent of her body intensified as he breathed in. Her breathing was erratic, limbs tensing about him, pleading muscles taut. His name was on her lips again, a heady depth in her voice that was instantly in his thoughts again, palpitating his heart and urging his hips.

Thane let go of Shepard's upper arm, seamlessly running his hand up her back to cradle her neck and kiss her, and he thrust deeper, his knee sunk into the bed. Tangled in their intimate embrace, her fingers slipped along his neck, and he jerked, moaning into her lips, tasting her again. He rest his forehead on hers, nose to nose, breathing in deeply as he moved, his lungs aching for air, overridden by the needs of his body.

Fingers pulling through her hair, Thane's cheek slipped against Shepard's, his breath by her ear as he gripped the bed. His fingers plied over her hip, feeling up her thigh where it wrapped around his waist, her body rocking with his. His smooth scales were cool against her, skin warmed with the rush of her pulse and the psychotropic tingle left on her tongue.

Shepard's thigh slipped down, loosed as she arced into Thane, fingers gliding over the reddened folds along his neck to grip at his shoulder. Through the slivers of her eyes, the kinetic barriers visible through the skylight of her cabin danced like aurora and fire, temptnig the stars closer, and her heart fluttered. The sound of it escaped in her throat, a low tremble that ran through her. A hiss of breath over his teeth, Thane responded, quickening his motions as her hand ran along his upper back, nails grazing over his scales.

Sensation blossomed through her like a sudden wash of tide, and Shepard's breath clipped before a low moan escaped, her body tensing, pulling Thane closer, foot curling about his calf. Each sensation absorbed into him, and pressing into the bed his motions gained an erratic speed. Her breath was on his cheek, a soft wheeze to the hastened sound, and Thane's fingers dug into her hip. Opening his lips against her neck, he breathed in quick, the sound gravelly and deep as the satisfaction of release finally flowed through him.

Legs flexing to slow his motions, Thane's eyes stayed close, listening to the uneven sounds of her sighs, feeling the tensions of her body plying him, her heat, and trying to catch his own breath. He released his grip on the sheets, shifting his weight even as her leg hooked about his knee twitched to keep him close. He felt alive.

Licking her lips, Shepard turned her cheek into Thane, sighing heavily, her heart still thudding high in her chest. Her eyes didn't focus right, the hard edges of the world softened to a Gaussian glow. She laid her head back on the bed with another sigh, her body relaxed more then it had been since -- she stopped thinking of when. Eyes open to slits, she looked to Thane as he transferred his weight onto his hip, pulling her leg from around him.

Thane kissed her on the lips, a light affection as he met her gaze. Her brow was heavy, her pupils dilated as though to consume the colour of her irises. His expression lightened further at the impression on her cheek, defined dimples from the scales high on his cheek. Shifting onto his side, he touched over the small marks, and Shepard nudged her cheek to his hand, keeping her leg draped over his.

Breathing falling back into normal levels, the soft burble of the aquarium mingled with the ever-present hum of the ship as each touched the other; following curves with a finger, or tracing the shape of a foreign muscle or lingering scar. Laying sideways on the bed, Thane's feet hung off, Shepard's knees bent to keep them on. Sighing out deeply in their comfortable silence, she reached a hand over his waist and pulled snugly into him.

Cradling his arm around her, Thane breathed in her hair, hand running over her cheek to pull the wisps away. She was warm against him, and using his arm as a neck rest, she kissed his chin. Folding his arms around her, Thane closed his eyes, fingers caressing down her back, relishing her closeness.

Though the oddities in her vision were fading, Shepard kept her eyes closed, comfortable in the world created by Thane's arms. There was an undeniable satisfaction in the subtle burning between her thighs, in the way he nuzzled his face against her, in how his hands took in her body, in how possessive his arms felt.

"You'll stay?" She didn't lift her head, lips by his neck.

Thane closed his eyes, hands curling to pull her more tightly. The tightness in his chest pulsed before fading, "Till the end, siha."


	12. Chapter 12 Down the Rabbit Hole

The dim blue light from the aquarium gave a glow to Shepard's curves, and laying on his side, Thane traced over them. Hairline scaring contributed to reading her skin like a map, almost healed but leaving a shadow behind. She wasn't quite asleep, but each of them lay in silence, his hands soaking her in still. Undisturbed, they had wiled away the hours leading to the Omega 4 relay together in the twilight of her quarters.

Thane adored touching her, her skin was always so warm, and at this point, he didn't know if it would be the last time they might ever have quite like this. These were the last moments of selfish freedom before the fight they had been preparing for.

_Jagged scars, like electricity, under a finger. She breathes deeper, the touch is electric too. Leaning in there is no shyness, yielding and wanting. Her lips taste sweet, woody and evaporate like the taste upon them._

Shepard rolled, the curves of her backside comfortable against Thane's hips, and his roaming hand swept over her abdomen, a light touch over the medi-gel that covered a burn. She twitched.

"I'll have to speak with the Illusive Man soon."

Thane tilted, kissing into her hair in reply, his hand trailing up her sculpted abs to nestle between her breasts and pull Shepard closer against him. The musk of their tryst lingered on her skin, and closing his eyes Thane heard the echo of her pleasure in his thoughts.

"I don't want to leave this. Even if I will." Shepard spoke in a whisper, no further volume needed.

"We will do what we must, siha. Everyone will." Thane nestled his face into her neck, strands of hair on his face as he kissed her skin. She shifted in his embrace, spurred by the kiss.

"I just wanted you to know. It's very tempting to stay here with you." Shepard grinned, her head turning, and Thane caught her cheek with a kiss, his own expression relaxed and free of stress.

"Likewise."

Shepard's body pressed back, soft curves fitting against him, and Thane squeezed her tight, lips into her neck and hair again, roaming, breathing her in, kissing her.

"Get you to stay here waiting for me, maybe?"

A sound rumbled in Thane's throat, eliciting a grin from Shepard. She rolled away, his arm loose around her waist, and on her other side, she met his gaze. Resting her head in her hand, she lifted onto her elbow, watching him still, a softened grin on her lips.

"Who am I kidding? I wouldn't want anyone else by my side - well, except maybe Garrus..." Shepard's grin grew, her eyes aside, pensive.

Reaching forward, Thane shook his head and pulled her back close, kissing her as their bodies fit together again. Their lips parted, a flirty touch of tongues teasing together before a blip came from Shepard's personal terminal. She breathed in over his lips.

"Duty calls."

Slinking down the bed, Shepard slowly stood, stretching her arms back to pop her shoulder as she stepped up to the terminal. She flicked a button.

"What's up, Joker?"

"ETA for communiqué with the Illusive Man is 15 minutes, Commander. Thought you'd like the heads up."

"I appreciate it. And the relay?" Shepard crossed her arms, weight resting on her hips as she looked back to Thane. He was sitting up at the end of the bed, elbows on his knees, watching her.

"Half hour. EDI's just finishing the last calibrations. Want to make sure we do this right."

"That's good to know."

Uncrossing her arms, Shepard reached for her comm beside the terminal, affixing it back to her ear.

"I'll be down in Communications in ten. Inform the rest of the crew to be on the CIC in twenty."

"Aye Commander."

Hands on her hips, Shepard strolled back down the steps to stand before Thane, and he stood up as she looked to him.

Thane wove his hands together around the small of her back, leaning in to kiss her briefly. Shepard's fingers ran up his arm, grinning as he met her gaze. His hands lazily sank over the curve of her backside.

"You heard me, soldier. Better suit up."

* * *

_I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap in the dark._

Thane blinked lengthily, standing with his hands clasped together behind his back in the CIC, just barely able to hear Shepard speaking with Joker on the bridge. Some of the crew was present, and the air was tense. Elsewhere in the ship, Jacob, Tali and others still prepared to monitor the Normandy's systems.

After the Commander's debriefing, he'd taken what little time was left to hurriedly send a message to Kolyat. It might be the last communication he would ever make with his son. His hadn't been the only message sent off in the information packet through the comm buoy at Omega.

Admittedly, they were a crew of broken souls. But it bound them together.

Thane looked towards the bridge. Shepard had her arms crossed. They were all equipped in their armour, she'd insisted they be ready for whatever happened on the other side of the relay. Head dipping forward, he clasped his hands in prayer, attention fading from the world about him.

"Approaching the Omega 4 relay. Everyone standby."

Shepard shifted, hands on her hips, her gaze steady on the brilliant orange-red hue of the relay. She looked to Joker, voice following his on the comm. throughout the ship.

"Let's make it happen."

Joker flicked over the controls, sequences initiating.

"Reaper IFF activated." EDI's blue orb flickered beside Joker's chair. "Signal acknowledged."

The comm. channel blipped and Jacob's voice came through, "Commander. The drive core just lit up like a Christmas tree."

"Drive core electrical charge at critical levels."

Shepard drew in a breath, keeping her place at Joker's shoulder as he sat up, the movements of his hands over the silhouetted orange controls a choreographed dance.

"Re-routing."

The crimson glow of the relay grew brighter in the windows, flickering with the gyroscopic machinations of the field.

Unconsciously holding her breath, Shepard couldn't look away from the flickering light that enveloped the Normandy. The bridge took on a hellish blush, and her stomach lurched as they jumped through the relay, her hand on the back of Joker's chair. Her pulse tripped faster, senses clear as her body clicked into battle-mode, a sweet, suspended adrenaline high.

The glowing light of the relay disappeared, replaced with the immeasurable movement of the slipstream around them, fiery blues and whites that flickered like aurora borealis about the hull, joined with the shimmer of the kinetic barriers.

"Brace for deceleration."

Lulling like the push of an undertow, Shepard stepped forward, the space outside the windows filling with shadow and shape, the Normandy jolting back to sustainable speeds. Her eyes went wide, cybernetics focusing precisely on the debris that threatened their presence.

"Ahhh shit!"

The Normandy veered up, and Shepard clutched the back of Joker's chair, his hands frantic on the controls as they narrowly missed the drifting, broken ships suspended around them. Swaths of orange light gleamed in the windows, contrasting sharply with the shadowed hulls.

Pitching right, Shepard just barely kept her balance, armoured foot slapping the ground as the ship made another close slice by the dead vessels clogging the jump zone.

Pulling clear, Joker flopped back in his seat, exhaling out roughly, "Too close."

Beyond the windows, the reality of their traverse through the relay was revealed in all its surreal splendour. Standing back, Shepard dropped her hand, gaze inexorably drawn out into the view of space. The pit in her stomach deepened.

Broken ships and wreckage filled her vision as far as she could see, the edges of rend and crumpled metal silhouetted and set to glow by the accretion disc that backlit it all.

"These must be all the ships that tried to make it through the Omega 4 relay."

Shepard stood by silently, gaze locked on the massive station that came into view, blocking the whorling orb of light beyond.

"Some look ancient…"

EDI's crisp voice broke through, "I have detected an energy signature near the edge of the accretion disc."

"Has to be a Collector base. Take us in for a closer look…nice and easy…"

Leaning forward onto Joker's chair once more, Shepard squinted, focused on the massive station that stood out from the debris, the only thing whole and unmarred in the suspended junkyard. The distant disc moved, methodically swirling and gathering more into it with each lengthy pass. Its movement was just barely visible. The sense of dread in her chest tightened.

Joker nimbly guided the ship through the debris field, smaller hunks of broken ship easily deflecting off the barriers. Shepard didn't move, her jaw set in a hard line as her eyes flicked from system to system, and to the base that grew in their view.

A rising alarm broke through, and Shepard's eyes snapped to the ladar.

"Careful Jeff, we have company."

Thread-beams of red energy sliced aside the ship, drawing Shepard's attention. Her pulse clipped faster. The Normandy dipped to the right with precise timing, before her nose pulled up.

"Taking evasive manoeuvres."

Shepard smiled inwardly at Joker's collected calm, his hands alight over the controls as they darted through the debris and avoided the biting shots. One of the pursuers sped past the windows, its orb body quickly disappearing.

"Now they're just pissing me off."

Red slivers danced about the windows, narrowly avoiding the manifolds, and the ship sliced to the side once more. Console lighting up under his touch, Joker continued to manipulate the controls, and with a flicker of light, the disruptors fired, the explosion of the sentry orb before them lighting up the dark space. In another second, the javelin fired again, triggering another bright bulbed of explosion. The Normandy swept through the debris without pause, banking hard.

"EDI - take these bastards out!"

The Normandy trembled around them as one of the sweeping red beams hit aloft, and the sound of the plating buckling vibrated through the bridge. Shepard crossed her arms, watching the readouts and ladar as the ship swung about.

"As long as the new plating holds…"

Ignoring Miranda, Shepard put her hands on her hips, jaw clenched firm as she looked through the window, when the Normandy pitched. Almost losing her footing, she stumbled aside, Joker thrown forward in his seat. She heard Miranda curse as she hit the ground with a thud.

Hand steady on the back of the pilot's chair, Shepard stood back up, grim and silent as Joker worked the controls.

"They want another round – come on, girl, let's give it to 'em."

Slicing aside like a scythe, the Normandy dodged a cluster of debris, the red lasers of the sentries cutting the space around her hull. The ship shuddered, alarms flaring to life on the console as a beam hit one of the thrusters, wobbling her steady course. Arcing in a high roll through an open expanse, Shepard looked through the windows, the zaps of red light still cutting swaths around the ship.

Fingers tightening on the back of the seat, the G's of the sudden bank pressed down on Shepard, and she glanced behind to see Miranda had regained her composure.

"Alert! Hull breach on Engineering Deck."

Shepard swore under her breath, hands onto her hips as she looked back at the schematic of the ship, a bright marker where EDI detected the intrusion.

"It's in the cargo hold."

"I'll take a team and deal with the intruder, you get the rest of them off our tail."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

Turning away, Shepard trumped down the ramp into the CIC, Miranda quick on her heels.

"I'll co-"

"Miranda, stay here and monitor the systems. I want to make sure these sentries haven't affected anything major."

Stopping in her tracks, Miranda nodded, "Yes, Commander."

Thane looked up to her from where he was, halfway through the command centre, and he motioned to her, the particle beam they'd salvaged in his grasp.

Touching a hand to her comm, Shepard turned his way, speaking even as she stopped beside him. "Tali, Garrus, meet me outside the cargo bay doors. We've got company."

Grinning grimly, Shepard took the heavy weapon from Thane, securing it with a click on her back. She put her helmet on with a similar click, twisting it with a hiss to secure its lock.

"Sorry to leave you out. Hold here. Continue to prep the weaponry in case they're needed."

"Aye, Shepard." Thane clasped his hands together behind his back as she nodded and turned towards the elevator without hesitation.

* * *

The roar of the alien sentinel returned as it bore through the opposite wall of the cargo hold. The kinetic barriers flickered, but held, keeping pressure in the bay. The piercing laser of the oculus melted the panel beside Shepard, and she ducked behind the metal plating in time to escape its searing precision. Panting hard, she flexed her hand on the grip of the particle beam. A small blip initiated the comm at Shepard's ear, Joker's voice over the fight.

"We're sitting ducks out here. I have to try and lose them in the debris field!"

Closing her eyes as she caught her breath, Shepard sunk her back against the console, touching her team comm.

"You heard the man, take cover and brace yourselves."

Movement unheard over the gale of sound through the cargo bay, Garrus plunked down beside Shepard, linking his legs around a nearby I-beam. Tali was beside him in the next moment, choice words on her lips as she linked her arms around a gap in the console.

Securing the particle beam at the small of her back, Shepard followed suit, looking to them one more time before the ship rumbled and jarred to the right. Some of the crates they'd piled for cover came loose, tumbling across the hold, and Tali tugged her legs back out of the way before they were caught in the path.

The ship shuddered around them as it pitched again, and all three of them slid aside, dangling by their tenuous grip. Scrambling, Shepard planted her feet, standing up as Joker's voice cracked through amidst the turmoil.

" -itical power! This is gonna hurt!"

Tensing her arms, Shepard braced, and Garrus linking his arms into one of the generators. The crackle of energy and metal grating echoed through the hull, but they held fast, scarce thrown off balance.

"That wasn't so bad."

Garrus scoffed, and Shepard grinned unseen behind her helmet, hands on her hips.

"I'll take st-"

His words cut off as an explosion in the starboard hull rocked through the cargo bay, throwing them off balance. Shepard smacked her pistol free with an instinctive reaction, dropping back behind the console for cover. The red-beamed laser bleated overhead, scoring a line across the opposite wall.

Slapping the pistol back onto the clip on her thigh, Shepard sighed, taking in the situation as she switched weapons. Tali and Garrus knew their work, the slicing beam preventing much communication as each worked to a different position of cover. Spread out, they increased the targets.

Sprinting behind a warped piece of flooring, Shepard caught glance of the ocular, the swath of its beam readily following her before its armour raised to let the weapon charge. Lodging her shoulder into an I-beam, she levelled the gun and let fly a piercing golden shot that sliced through the orb's plating.

Rolling, Shepard sprinted in a crouch to a new position, the ocular shooting in reply, only to be disrupted by a sudden explosion, the circuits on its base overloading. The rapport of bullets drew its attention away from her position, and in her periphery, Tali chinked a new sink into her shotgun.

Repeating the movement, the Commander dashed in and out of cover, the particle beam making quick work of the aggressive sentry. A pass of the beam sliced through the ocular plating, and the machinations inside whirred into high pitch, and Shepard threw herself into cover.

"Get down!"  
Shepard looked as Garrus dug in beside her, shoulder abutted against their cover as the inner workings of the intruder coalesced into a bright explosion that vibrated through the hull. Fire licked over the top of the crate, singeing their armour, and Shepard stayed poised, head turned to listen, gun in hand.

"I think it's going to stay dead this time."

Shepard stood up without a hitch, snapping the collector weapon to the base of her spine, looking at Garrus as Joker's voice cracked the comm.

"Better get back up here, Commander."

"We're about to clear the debris field."

* * *

Sweat drying on her brow, Shepard tucked her helmet underarm, back up to the bridge from the bowels of the ship.

"There it is - the Collector base." Miranda shifted her weight.

The light of the accretion disc spilled through the Normandy's windows, allowing another chilling view of the base they strove for. Sheard's pulse still beat heavy in her throat, adrenaline high from the fight, and the dark-encapsulated glow evoked memories of Prothean visions. She patted the head of Joker's chair.

"See if you can find a place to land without drawing attention."

Eyes flicking between data streams and readings, Joker keyed in a quick correction.

"Too late. Looks like they're sending out an old friend to greet us."

A blip of a shadow appeared over the light of the astronomical orb, a presence that roused a familiar panic in Shepard's chest. Crossing her arms, she clenched her jaw, eyes unwavering as Joker entered commands in a frenzy, pitching the ship to the right as a golden point lit in the shadow, the ship's weapon lighting up the forward windows as it missed the Normandy.

"Time to show our new teeth. Fire the main gun."

Rolling the other direction like a ship on the sea, the Normandy moved with finesse, guided by Joker's precision. A light flared on the orange console as the thanix cannon charged, readying to strike. Joker's thumb came down over it without hesitation, and amidst the darkened space a brilliant blue light sliced through.

Readings flickered over the screens, and there was a flare of light as the energy stream impacted with the Collector ship, molten metal mincing through the hull. Joker sat up, laughing in triumph as he reset the controls.

"How do you like that, you sons-of-bitches?"

Shepard uncrossed her arms, the knot from her death loosening as she saw parts of the insectoid ship flake off into space.

"Get in close and finish them off."

"Everybody hold on - gonna be a wild ride!"

Drive core running hot, the Normandy darted out of the way of another golden beam, evading what had so mercilessly cut down its predecessor. Debris caught in its path exploded in the heat, as the enemy panned to try and catch the nimble ship, but she rolled again, left unscathed as the Collector base grew in view, flanking their target.

The light on the console flared again, cannon charged, and Joker activated it with a slap of the wrist.

"Give 'em hell, girl!"

Glowing like holy fire, the stream impacted the closing ship before them with destructive beauty, the hole it punched engulfed in a massive explosion that lit up the windows like day. Shepard followed the cascading explosions as the Normandy zipped by, the debt of her death repaid and released in its end.

Debris flew wide as the Collector ship ripped at the seams, plating fragments whirled about the Normandy, circling on the kill.

Miranda jolted to Shepard's side, "Look out!"

Attention snapping back to the readings, the sensors bleated at the closing debris, pieces the size of the ship narrowly missing it. Shepard held a hand before Miranda, looking back out the window as the Collector ship surged in a blinding glare.

The force threw them aside, and Shepard planted a hand on the ground, nearly falling. The G's pressed in as the attitude controls veered, leaving them all scarce able to rise. The Normandy was left to the unknown forces, wavering like a toy in the sudden shift.

"Mass effect field generators are offline! EDI - give me something!"

The light of the disc blotted out, and the Normandy pitched again, Shepard's feet stamping left as she kept herself standing. The ship was sidled against the Collector base. EDI's voice echoed over the ship.

"Generators unresponsive. All hands brace for impact."

A bird with broken wings, the ship wavered as it dipped closer to the face of the base. One of the thrusters clipped it, throwing the ship into a wider veer as Joker tried to compensate, hands frantic over the console, but to no avail. The Normandy slammed into the base.

Spinning on the metal, the impact threw Shepard aside against the co-pilot's chair, nearly knocking the breath from her. The grating of metal-on-metal vibrated through the ship, sparks flying over the windows as the ship skidded and spun along the unforgiving surface.

Flung to the ground as the Normandy jarred to a halt, Shepard's vision wavered, and she blinked rapidly, drawing a hard breath. Pushing herself onto her hands and knees, she looked around. Her pulse throbbed in the bridge of her nose.

"Joker? You okay?"

On her feet again, Shepard looked at the pilot, and Moreau moved with a groan, cradling his abdomen. He laid his head back on the seat, eyes scrunched in pain.

"Think I broke a rib. All of them."

Shepard cracked her shoulder back, adrenaline running hot as she looked over the darkened console. They were here. They were all alive to fight. And they'd won the first round.


	13. Chapter 13 Fight for the Lost

A/N: Sorry for the huge delay between chapters, was writing finals for the past few weeks. Debated a long time how this chapter would go, but in the end just did what I wanted (sorry?). It was a blast to write! I've also been thinking about rewriting Memento Mori into more of a novelization of ME2 with a focus on Thane/Shepard.

Any feedback would be welcome, thanks to everyone who's reviewed and read the story, it means a lot.

Though, I'm not done with it just yet - Hope you enjoy it!

NB: Mass Effect and its characters belong to Bioware, this is just me continuing to have fun with them.

* * *

"Suppressing fire! Don't let anyone through!"

The turian's voice cut through as they lifted their guns, the air before them blurring with bullets. Beyond the door, pegged Collectors fell, their legs and arms spattering and shot away, crumpled and released from control.

Shepard blinked rapidly, sweat on her brow as the bullets whizzed by, flanked on either side by her comrades. To her left, Legion knelt, manipulating the control of the door with speeds only a synthetic could achieve. The Collectors were advancing closer to the door, and the Commander strode forward, nailing the two closest with a satisfying crunch. Without a word the door slid shut.

"Nice work, Legion. I knew I could count on you."

Stepping back, Shepard padded the geth on the shoulder, breathing roughly as her senses slowed. She bent over, winded, but could feel her body alight, joints warm where her implants were. Closing her eyes only a moment, she pushed up at Miranda's voice.

"Shepard - you need to see this..."

Behind them stretched the interior of the Collector base, shafts, tubes and passages stretching wider than comprehension. Overhead, massive pipes lined the ceiling, clumped together like electrical wires, leading away to some unseen vantage. The scale gave the station an atmosphere of life, its breadth unnatural but pulsing. In the distance, glowing pods lined the walls, sections of honeycomb in the hive.

Shepard ignored the wheeze for air inside, resting a hand on Tali as she pressed ahead of everyone, head tilted up. A pang tightened the ebbing strain in her chest.

Was her crew out there? Could they still be alive somehow?

Looking back from the chasm, Shepard saw a pod against the wall. She turned without hesitation, and the Miranda looked to where Shepard moved.

"Looks like one of the missing colonists."

Emotions concealed by her armour, Shepard ran a hand over the glassy surface of the pod. Almost in response, the woman moved her head, unseen as Shepard's attention shifted.

"There's more - over here!"

Shepard looked to Thane. The walls were lined with the pods, a person in each. Her pulse leapt. Kelly. She was in the pod the Thane was at.

A soft cry drew the Commander's interest back to the pod - something had gone horribly awry. Cracks all over the colonist's skin wept like wounds, suffused red and growing, like there were something on her skin eating it away. The woman blinked, coming to and hitting her hands on the glass of her cage.

"My god... She's still alive!"

Pressing against the pod, Shepard ran her hands over every groove, trying to see some way to open the insidious device. Inside, the colonist shrieked in earnest, knocking on the glass as more of her flesh melted and burnt away. The glass smeared crimson as she beat at the pod, skin darkening more, shrivelling, succumbing to the consumption. The sound of her pain echoed in the prison, muted and contained.

Shepard moved frantically, the woman's face obscured by blood, melting away to leave the depressions of bone, still clawing at the glass. Her sweat ran cold, immobilized by her inability to save the woman. She could only stare, the guttural scream spiking in intensity, and dark blood spattered the glass as she disappeared down into the puddle at the foot of the pod.

This could be Kelly. If it hadn't already happened to the rest of her crew. Shepard pushed away from the liquefied remains.  
"Get them out of there! Hurry!"

Lifting the butt end of her rifle, Tali smashed the glass of the pod beside her. Inside, the head of the Mess Sergeant hung limply. The glass cracked as Shepard forced the pod open with a hiss. The Sergeant collapsed forward into her arms, guided down to the ground with gentle care.

Down the line of pods, another hiss escaped as Thane freed Kelly, the young woman slumping to her knees. The rest of the squad found the weakness to the device too, quickly freeing any of the humans they could reach.

Shepard clenched her jaw, seeing Dr. Chakwas. The grey-haired woman swooned as fresh air hit her, and Shepard wrapped her arms around the doctor, helping her out.

"Dr. Chakwas! Are you okay?"

Shepard bit away the rest of her words, carefully back stepping to ease the doctor to the ground. The woman's head lolled, but her hand finally steadied herself. Squatting down, the Commander met Dr. Chakwas' gaze.

"...Shepard? You... you came for us."

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Shepard reached out to take the doctor's arm, helping her to her feet.

"No one gets left behind."

The Commander saw more of the crew hobble forward, and Kelly's red hair stayed her gaze. But not everyone was there.

"Thank God you got here in time. A few more seconds and..."

The yeoman looked down, cradling her stomach. Her voice wavered.

"I don't even wanna think about it."

"The colonists were... processed." Pale faced, Dr. Chakwas spoke to the Commander, "Those swarms of little robots they... melted their bodies into grey liquid and pumped it through these tubes."

Shepard looked at the expansive ceiling once more, at a loss as she shook her head in disbelief.

"Why are they doing this? What are they doing with our genetic material?"

"I don't know... I'm just glad you got here before it happened to us."

"So are we... but we still have a job to do. We've done well so far, let's hope we can finish the job."

Miranda drew Shepard out of her emotions and thoughts, and the Commander breathed deep as she touched the comm on her helmet.

"Joker? Can you get a fix on our position?"

"Roger that, Commander. All those tubes lead into the main control room right above you. The route is blocked by a security door, but there's another chamber that runs parallel to the one you're in."

"I cannot recommend that. Thermal emissions suggest the chamber is overrun with seeker swarms. Mordin's countermeasure cannot protect you against so many at once."

Shepard dropped her hand, quiet in thought for a moment.

"What about biotics?"

* * *

Their footsteps gained pace as the biotic field around them wavered, and Shepard never ceased moving, tracing shots to take out the husks that encroached on their bubble of safety.

"I... will hold on as ... long as I can..."

The sound of Samara's weakened voice snapped the Commander's attention, seeing her weighted down by the burden of concentration that protected them from the seeker swarms. Mosquitoes that never relented, they became bright spots of blue on the barrier where they hit, trying to find their quarry.

They pressed forward, the length of the battle lead laden inside as they dodged through the darkness and came to the top of a ramp.

"I can see the entrance...need to... get there.. soon..."

It was the doors they'd been pressing for. Over the comm, Shepard could hear Garrus directing the second team. The hard thud of her pulse pressed on, system flooded with stims, muscles fortified by implants and weaves. She felt unnatural and strong; the fatigue in her limbs drained as the nano-tech within cleansed her body of lactic acids and anything that would hinder her. Her breathing almost couldn't keep up.

Thane vaulted up to where she was, and his shoulders betrayed his heavy, silent breaths. Shepard's arms locked, letting another series of shots peg the enemy as they advanced. Jack threw a group of husks, and the bodies flailed in the air, only to be taken down as Thane and Shepard trained on them.

Samara sloughed into an exhausted jog down the ramp, and the glow of her companion's biotics around her kept the path free, spatters of gunfire over it all to ensure she wouldn't be hampered. Even as more husks clawed up into their path, points exploded on their forms, oozing blood and fluid as the bullets tore in.

"Hold on, we're almost there!"

Shepard turned her back to doorway, backing towards it and letting a shockwave punt more encroaching husks away. In the air, a golden flicker betrayed the Collector soldiers tracking them. Chocking another heat sink into place, she scoped down the barrel to crack the shots off without thought.

The swarm was thickening, blotting out the light that filtered in from the spacious, pod-lined ceiling. Samara made it past her, and Thane rose beside her to get a better vantage.

"Shepard - we need to get out of here."

Shoulders dropping, Shepard licked her lips, assessing the advancing force.

"Alright. Let's move."

Moving with renewed effort, they made it down the ramp. Thane dropped into a crouch beside Samara as she staggered forward, the barrier holding. Rifle steady, the sink emptied and tore into the Collectors on their heels. In the air were more of them still, bolstering their numbers.

"They're pushing! Keep it up!"

Shepard dropped into a firm stance at Samara's back, breathing hard as she fired, the heat sink draining and falling as she seamlessly reloaded. Like squished insects, their bodies crumpled under the fire, the swarm still held back by the undulating glow of dark energy.

"Hurry, Shepard!"

There was strain in the justicar's voice, and Shepard looked again, seeing the flare of energy glow about her hands. They fell back further to the wide doorway, an open, golden gateway. Getting there was their goal, and the hope of a moment to catch their breath pushed Shepard harder. Shoulder-to-shoulder with Jack, they shot the growing clot of enemies on their heels, more coming as they were felled, traipsing over the bodies of their kin like sod.

Samara turned, teeth bared in a grimace as dark energy crackled about her body, enveloping her in its intimate fire. The pelting gunfire drowned out the sound of her exertion, and with a final push the barrier around them dissolved into a radiating wave of energy that swept up the ramp and obliterated everything in its path.

Panting hard, Samara turned with them as they reached the door. Shepard stood by as she hobbled past, pegging the last stragglers that clung to the steep edge of the ramp. Only when the doors slid shut was she satisfied enough to lower the barrel. Fingers still tightly gripping her heavy pistol, Shepard reached for Samara with her free hand.

"Are you alright?"

The asari was keeled over, collapsed onto one knee against the door as she found her breath. She forced herself up as the Commander spoke.

"Yes. I will survive."

Shepard's comm crackled to life, and Garrus' rough voice broke through.

"... do you copy? Come on, Shepard! Where are you!"

"I copy. What's your position?"

"We're pinned down at the door. Taking heavy fire."

Looking to her team, Shepard turned on her heel and sprinted towards the far, secondary door, pistol firm in hand.

"We're coming; just hold on!"

Moving at Shepard's command, Thane took position opposite her on either side of the door. Samara hurried after, the strength coming to her limbs again as she reached the console.

"Get this door open!"

In a split second, the air filled with the volley of gunfire and the insectoid sound of the Collector's movement. The diversion team backed into the divide between the doors, barriers flickering with connected hits.

"Come on!"

Vaulting off the wall, Thane and Jack followed Shepard's lead, laying down cover fire, blasts all around them. Shouldering up to Grunt, Shepard levelled a Collector as it advanced, adding to the corpses littering the other side. The young krogan growled with the ferocity and zeal of the battle, clicking his shotgun with another sink to let go a barrage of shots.

Shepard's shield flickered, and she looked over to Samara, yelling over the assault.

"Seal the door!"

The massive doors began to close, and in Shepard's periphery, Garrus crumpled, scarce buoyant in the wake of the shot that punched him. She reached out for him in the quiet left as they gained their cover. The front of his armour blackened, the turian merely lifted his head to her, and she smacked his chest plate, speaking under her breath.

"Fuck, don't do that to me."

Gathering behind their Commander, the assault crew strode forward with heavy breath, reloading as Shepard accessed communications.

"Joker? Are you at the rendezvous point?"

"I'm here, Commander. Chakwas and the rest of the crew just showed up."

"Tali's group just arrived, Shepard. No casualties."

Shepard exhaled a silent sigh of relief.

"Excellent. Now let's make it count. EDI, what's our next step?"

"There should be some nearby platforms that will take you to the main control console. From there, you can overload the system and destroy the base."  
"Commander?" Joker cut in, "You've got a problem. Hostiles massing just outside the door. Won't be long till they bust through."  
Shepard nodded, her thoughts turning, and vaulting up onto one of the platforms she put her hands on her hips. She looked over her team.

"A rearguard could defend this position and keep the Collectors from overwhelming us. Garrus, Thane, you're with me. The rest of you, bunker down here and cover our backs."

Shepard could see the smirk on Garrus' face as he hauled himself up beside her. Thane moved with a little more finesse.

"I'm ready, Commander."

"As am I."

Flexing her fingers on her hips, Shepard looked between her men, before sweeping her gaze over the motley crew of soldiers she spent the last couple of months gathering in the name of this assault. They were bloodied and bruised, but they had made it so far. And now they were throwing their bodies into the fire so she could push through the last lap. She might never see them again.

"The Collectors, the Reapers - they aren't a threat to us. They're a threat to everything, everyone. Those are the lives they're fighting for. That's the scale."

Thane stood beside Shepard, his hands clasped together behind him as he watched her speak. In this moment, she exemplified why he had come to care for her so much. If they met their end, it would be together. He blinked lengthily, his grip solidifying as he offered one last prayer.

Shepard turned to stride before her team.

"It's been a long journey, and no one's coming out without scars. But it all comes down to this moment. We win or lose it all in the next few minutes."

Stopping, she looked at them all and nodded.

"Make me proud. Make yourselves proud."

"We'll do our best." Miranda offered a grim smile, "Good luck, Shepard."

Nodding, the Commander turned and activated the platform with her omni-tool, and it pulsed to life, carrying them away.

* * *

The Reaper embryo hung in the space before them, the air pungent with the smell of death and chemicals that left a metallic taste on the tongue. The final support gave way under Shepard's shot and the ground shuddered. It clung to the few tubes and wires that fed it with life for a few moments more, before the massive skull lulled forward. Metal shearing metal echoed, crackling with electrical ends freed, and the abomination was cast down into the depths of the base.

Thane and Garrus took to Shepard's side as her arms relaxed, and she peered down after it. The Collectors had wanted her. They had hunted her. She couldn't help but feel that if Liara hadn't salvaged her body, her fate might have become twined with the Reaper spawn in a much different way. The last limb fell away into darkness.

"Shepard to ground team. Status report."

Jack's voice blipped over the comm, "I'm tagging them as they come, but feel free to call for an exit anytime."

Shepard turned around and strode to join Garrus by the reactor core. The oppressive weight of the mission inside began to lift.

"Head to the Normandy." Shepard touched her comm again, switching channels. "Joker, prep the engines. I'm about to overload this place and blow it sky high."

"Roger that, Commander."

Kneeling, Shepard set her gun down and inspected the core structure. With a flick of the wrist, she exposed the reactor and pulled it up. It hissed and glowed yellow - the same hue as the particle beam.

"Uh, Commander - I've got an incoming signal from the Illusive Man. EDI's patching it through."

Shepard shook her head, inspecting the inner hardware of the control core, touching over a few key points. It was only when the Illusive Man's voice cut through on the comm that she looked away from her work, his holographic presence suspended via Garrus' omni-tool.

"Shepard, you've done the impossible."

"I was part of a team. Some of them gave their lives for this mission."

Raising her omni-tool to the glowing controls, Shepard manipulated the location she planned to set the charge, her attention deliberately diverted from the holograph.

"I know. Their sacrifice will not be forgotten. You did what you had to do - and you acquired the Collector base. I'm looking at the schematics EDI uploaded; a timed radiation pulse would kill the remaining Collectors, but leave the machinery and technology intact."

The Commander tilted her head down to inspect her work, biting the bile that burned in her throat at the man's words. All along she had just been a tool for his greed. She had known it. There was a greater good here, she had to remember that.

"This is our chance, Shepard. They were building a Reaper - that knowledge, that framework could save us."

"They liquefied people, turned them into something horrible." Pulling from the need of the mission to the distraction of her financier, Shepard stood up and faced the holo. "We have to destroy the base. "

"Don't be short-sighted. Our best chance against the Reapers is to turn their own resources against them. They were working directly with the Collectors. Who knows what information is buried there! This base is a gift, we can't just destroy it!"

Shepard put her hands on her hips, looking aside as she pondered his words. It was never a matter of considering if she would destroy the base, but that she was still surprised he reduced so much suffering and death to THIS. Who had been lost, what blood was spilt, and how many lives coated the tubes filling the base - a gift. That he still thought he could manipulate her into being something she wasn't.

"You're completely ruthless. The next thing I know you'll be wanting to grow your own Reaper." The Commander looked back at the hologram of the man, her shoulders relaxing down, the disgust in her voice unhidden.

"My goal is to save humanity from the Reapers at any cost! I've never hidden that from you. Imagine how many lives could be saved if we keep this base intact, and use its knowledge to thwart the Reapers. Imagine the lives that will be lost if we don't."

What was humanity to this man? He had held the threat of other's deaths over her head from the moment she realized she'd been given another chance at life. She changed, she knew that, she knew that so much of what she had done this second time around had tarnished the good person she once was. But she also remembered the derelict Reaper, and the Illusive Man's reaction to all the good people who died there. She remembered how the IFF had called the Collectors to them, how it had reacted in so many unpredictable ways; it was just one small piece of Reaper technology. She nearly lost her whole crew. Just because people were willing to die didn't mean they had to. What atrocities would a whole base bring?

"No matter what kind of technology we might find, it's not worth it."

"Shepard, you died fighting for what you believed. I brought you back so you could keep fighting. Some would say what we did to you was going too far - but look what you've accomplished! I didn't discard you because I knew your value."

She was no abomination. She had not been the source of tens of thousands of innocent lives simply being blotted out. But she was just another commodity. Any of them were. And so was humanity.

"Don't be so quick to discard this facility. Think of the potential!"

The fire continued unabated in Shepard's chest, a righteous indignation that he went to such lengths to get what he wished. She couldn't avoid the satisfaction of denying him. She turned away to return to her work on the core.

"We'll fight and win without it. I won't let fear compromise who I am."

Kneeling down, Shepard crosschecked a few key sequences with her omni-tool.

"Shepard! Think about what's at stake. About everything Cerberus has done for you! You -"

Garrus cut the link, leaving them in the echoing silence that now pervaded the expanse. Thane took to the Commander's side, producing the compact charge designed through a collaborative effort. Without looking up, she took it and secured it in the prepped location within the hardware. A new vibrancy rushed as Shepard keyed in the initiation sequence.

"Let's move. We've got ten minutes before the reactor overloads and blows this whole station apart."

Securing the core back in its struts, the ground rumbled under Shepard's feet. A mechanized howl resonated through their armour, prompting each to draw their guns. As the platform underfoot pitched, their eyes drew to the rearing head that clawed up to find vengeance.

Their movements became rehearsed as adrenaline stayed fatigue, the screeches of the human-Reaper larvae contorted and contrasting with the heaving platforms underfoot. More Collectors came, bidden by the hand of Harbinger, his voice insidious in their thoughts.

Shepard's senses blurred into the motions of her body, sweat spattered on the inside of her visor as she leant back into cover, panting hard. The particle beam was heavy in her hands; the irony of using it against those who made it didn't escape her. Thane swept beside her into cover, ducked to catch his breath before he snaked out and pulled a Collector out with a biotic blue glow.

"Concentrate on the Collectors. I'll take care of the spawn."

Turning into the line of fire, Shepard shouldered the particle beam, and the glowing yellow sliced into the heart of the towering abomination, rupturing a vital connection with explosive results. Fluids sluiced onto the platform it clung to, and the larvae lost its grip, slipping down and crashing through one of the structures far to their right.

Overhead, the flutter of wings brought more Collectors their way, and Shepard checked her sides, seeing Garrus lift from cover to peg one of them in the air. The bullet tore through its tawny wings, and it flailed, wobbling down with a heavy descent. Another series of shots spattered its brains into a fine mist. The ground shuddered again, the anguished cry of the organic-metal hybrid vibrating in her chest.

Shepard turned, butting the particle beam in her shoulder as she ran to new cover, letting the swath of energy cut through one of the creature's eye sockets. The golden orb crackled with electricity before shattering under the force. Its head reeled back, taloned grip flailing up and exposing its ribbed core, the exposure welcoming another shot into the core of its being. The trailing beam left charred metal and oozing fluids in its wake, before the pinpoint shot caused another explosion that disrupted its precarious balance.

Another platform toppled as the Reaper spawn slipped, sending the Collectors on it scattering, and Thane leapt to safety a moment ahead of it. Both the drell and turian ducked in close to Shepard as she charged her weapon and injected a medigel into the hardsuit junction of her hip and thigh.

"We're running out of time, Commander!"

Shepard closed her eyes, flexing her hand on the trigger of the particle beam. They'd made it this far relatively unscathed. Garrus' words hardened her resolve.

"Just cover me."

Planting a hand, Shepard vaulted up out of cover and wielded the particle weapon again, letting lose a defined slice of golden energy that ripped up through the core of the Reaper larvae. The consequential explosion lit up its ribcage and burned out its eyes, a howl echoing to the edges of the wide space. Teetering over them, Shepard staggered as the abomination collapsed forward onto the platform that suspended them.

Fire erupted overhead, sucking the air dry as the platform keeled, knocking them down. The world tilted, and Thane grasped for any hold as the metal base went nearly vertical. His fingers caught and slowed his slide, but the weight of his momentum dragged him further.

Shepard's senses screamed against her as she dove headlong after Thane, her armour grating on metal as her body skidded down after his. Their fingers touched, only to have the platform rock again and knock it away. Fireballs licked over their bodies as another section of the hybrid Reaper burst, the heat choking into their filters.

Thane felt his body slide off the edge of the platform, weightless in the moment he closed his eyes. It was finished - the Collectors would be gone, and so many would be safe. He had given his all, Kalahira guide him. The solid slap of hardsuit tightened around his wrist, his body jarred and suspended from its plunge. Looking up, he saw Shepard's eyes through her helmet, and she hauled him up.

From below, the metallic, digital screams of the Reaper cut away into the deafening whoosh and roar of fire. Collapsing as the ground heaved again, Shepard and Thane were left at the whims of the explosion as it tossed the platform like a coin. Bracing her arms, she rolled mercilessly, battered against the ground until her hands found purchase.

Gasping hard, Shepard looked around, seeing Garrus gaining his footing. Behind him, the world slipped away, and her stomach lurched at the velocity of their decent as she scrambled up. All around, the rest of the platforms flew by, smashing into the bulkheads and pods, cascading further explosions as they whirled down. Looking skyward, the Commander's eyes focused just in time to see the platform spinning right for them. Pain and darkness jarred her body as they collided.

* * *

Light seeped in through the cracks of Commander Shepard's eyelids as they parted, revealing the solid ground to which she was pressed. Her breathing was compacted from a weight on her back, and from the pain in her ribs. Blinking slowly, her cybernetic eyes focused where true ones might have failed, given the ringing in her ears. Blinking a few times, the revelation of the impending explosion revived her, and with a groan, she called herself back to action.

The platform fragment that pinned her slid into her waiting hands as she pried herself off the ground. With a meagre stagger, Shepard tried to gain her bearings. There. Ten feet off. The distinctive pattern of Thane's skin-tight armour lay prone. She swallowed away the protests of her battered body and hurried to him.

Taking a knee, Shepard set her jaw and flipped the drell over, his limbs heavy. Thane's eyes blinked open, his breath drawing deeper as he saw her. His lungs were screaming, and he barely held onto consciousness.

_Siha._

Shepard squeezed his shoulder and pulled Thane up to his feet, even as her head turned to look for the other. He was there, not too far. Pinned beneath a massive beam. Jogging over, Shepard bent to grip the metal, looking over the turian.

"Garrus.."

His limbs moved, eyes groggily opening to her as she pried the metal away, tossing it aside with a clunk. Garrus gripped Shepard's forearm, getting himself up when a voice broke through the echoing quiet.

"Do you copy? Commander! Come on Shepard, don't leave me hanging!"

Concealing her limp as she turned to stride away, Shepard put a hand to her comm.

"I'm here Joker. Did the ground team make it?"

"All survivors on board - we're just waiting for you."

Nodding, Shepard turned about at the growing sound behind her. A twin pair of whorling seeker swarms greeted her, and waving her comrades on, she turned and ran. The Reaper spawn was well on its way to dead, and the impending explosion would finish them off. They had come this far - it was time to worry about their own asses.

Ensuring Garrus and Thane kept ahead of her, Shepard drew her pistol and prepped to fire on any who might threaten their escape. Hurrying through the collapsed passageways and fallen bodies of slain Collectors, Harbinger's voice penetrated, echoing in their thoughts.

_Human. You've changed nothing. Your species has the attention of those infinitely your greater. _

"Give us an LZ, Joker!"

Pressing on, they sprinted down the halved passageway that followed the massive inner chasm of the station. Shepard paced herself to keep at their rear, instinctively firing into the swarm on their heels. Debris slipped underfoot, and at the instructions over the comm, she directed them to take the next passage on the right.

_ That which you know as Reapers are your salvation through destruction. _

The lingering thrum of Harbinger's voice shivered through Shepard, spurring her faster. She kept at Garrus and Thane's heels. Another whorling mass of swarmers joined the fray.

"Keep moving!"

Launching down off a ramp to another passage, the blitz of gunfire pierced the air around them, sparking their kinetic barriers. Shepard paused, breathing in hard as she saw a secondary group of collectors. Rounding out from the partially crumpled tunnel, the ceiling opened into a wide expanse inside the base. It was an uphill run to their rendezvous.

Underfoot the conglomeration of metal and hive betrayed the shots around them, splintering and blackening where gunfire from the Collectors hit. The warning in her suit went off, signalling how low her barrier was. Rising over the pelting assault came the hum of the Normandy's engines, precluding her shape filling their sight.

Thane and Garrus had nearly reached the ship, when overhead pieces of the base came raining down. Monoliths of darkened metal crashed haphazardly into the walls, shuddering the ground beneath Shepard's feet as she ran. Losing her shields, a shot clipped her calf, almost tripping her up, and another burned over her hip, warping her hardsuit. Gritting her teeth, she staggered up, regaining her pace.

Not now. I've come this far, not fucking now.

The connected platforms that had been her safe passage to the Normandy crumpled away as a shadowy beam half the size of the ship plummeted through. The chasm between the path Shepard ran and the ship widened as it buoyed to avoid a collision. The sound of familiar gunfire reached her, Joker leaning out the hatch to peg the Collectors that pursued her.

Pushing the final meters up the incline, Shepard's muscles burned from exertion and injury. She leapt off the edge, sailing for her life. Flailing forward, it almost seemed she wouldn't make it, when her chest slammed into the ship. She groped over the edge as her legs dangled toward the precipice.

Without any holds, Shepard slapped to find purchase, hard-suit clad fingers slipping away as Joker's rifle blasts responded to the spatter of collector fire around her. Looking up, the Commander snagged Thane's grasp, using him to pull herself up. As they moved, the Normandy pitched, sending them both to the ground. Shepard scrambled back to her feet, looking back at the Collectors left behind.

The compression in her chest released, even as her bodied burned with lacerations, bruises and bullet holes. The force of the pulse in her veins trembled her body, and she breathed hard, seeing the Collectors one last time as the door slid closed.

"EDI, we've got them!"  
Joker slapped Shepard's shoulder, reviving her from the momentary loss of thought, and she turned to follow him onto the bridge. The thrusters fired, banking the ship towards its escape. Through the ship, EDI's voice echoed.

"Detonation in ten... nine... eight..."

Casting his rifle aside, Joker limped back to the pilot's chair, sliding himself in as quick as he could. Already his fingers manipulated the superimposed controls.

"Yea I get the gist of it, EDI. Hold on!"

Unconsciously, Shepard injected another medi-gel into the side of her suit, attention drifting from the throbs where she'd been hit to the window in front of them. Flanking Joker's chair, the base outside flew by as the Normandy banked and accelerated. Clear of the base, her thrusters burned hot and punched the ship faster.

In the distance, the first of the explosions rocked through the base, and Shepard exhaled out at the relief in seeing the blossom of light burst from the seams. The cascading explosions challenged the glow of the accretion disc, bubbling orange and gold that sent massive debris off into space. She felt a hand on her shoulder, but she couldn't look away. The satisfaction of disbelief spread from her gut, and she smiled.

"Guess this is for you, Commander."

She scarce turned her cheek at Garrus' voice, hands drifting up to unlatch her helmet. They'd killed her. They'd killed so many. But no more. She trembled a bit. They did it. She pulled her helmet away, her voice hushed.

"Payback's a bitch."

Though no sound accompanied it, the windows of the Normany lit up brighter than day as the detonation in the core took full hold, splitting the base open with encompassing fire. A shockwave shuddered through the ship, and she swayed, her arms hanging down limp as she watched the destruction. Even now they were trying to reach her, licks of the fire drawing out into the wake of the ship, white brilliance consuming everything in its path.

The Normandy banked hard, and the radiance cut away, freeing Shepard from its hold. Hearing the drive core sequence initiating, she looked from Garrus to Thane, unable to keep the grin from her face as the ship rocketed away.


	14. Chapter 14

Her rounds through the crew done, Shepard slinked into the elevator, collapsing heavily against the wall as the doors closed. Some good people had been lost in the pods - she just hadn't been fast enough. As traumatized as the crew was, the reality of their success left a shaky sort of zeal in each person. Saving your race, saving your friends, hell - saving yourself - she made sure no one forgot how lucky and successful the mission had been.

She knew she should return to the doctor - to either of them. But right now she didn't have the energy anymore. She wanted out of her clothes. She wanted time to herself. She just wanted the oblivion of sleep; there was a peace in her limbs that overrode the points of pain. The buzz of the battle had seeped away, leaving her crashing.

The elevator opened, and her eyes flickered open, posture straightening even as she saw who it was.

"Thane..."

There were smears of medigel under the ridges that lined the ribbing on the left side of his face, and his eyes relaxed, hands unclasping from their place behind him.

"Siha..."

She smiled, the expression lopsided with fatigue.

"I hope you're going to the med-bay."

"It's busy."

She licked her lips slowly, tongue flicking in the corner of her mouth, chiding the dried blood there away.

"Mordin is helping. They can accommodate you. I know you haven't yet been."

Shepard adjusted her stance with a certain care, scarce betraying the difficulty of the movement.

"Always watching me."

"You'd prefer otherwise?"

Tilting his head, Thane took her hand in his, pressing it flat. His face bowed forward, lifting her hand to his lips to kiss the fingertips that emerged. It drew a soft sigh from Shepard.

"No."

Thane's expression relaxed, and Shepard let herself lean back against the side of the elevator, leaving her hand in his grasp, eyes on it.

"Alright. But you're coming with me."

He chuckled and touched the button for the crew deck, and the elevator shifted down.

Laid out on the mess table was an assortment of medical implements, not limited to medi-gel and anti-biotics. Tali seemed to be manning the station, and the quarian turned when the elevator opened. Shepard offered a soft smile as she strode over, and Tali put the tool in her hand down to embrace the Commander whole-heartedly.

"It's about time you got down here."

Shepard chuckled weakly, squeezing the young woman back.

"If you say so, Doctor."

Tali scoffed a bit, turning back to Jacob, who sat on the table. She cycled the bottle on her pressurized syringe and jabbed him with it, prompting a sound of protest.

"Oh shush. One more."

Tali tilted her head to Shepard as she stood there, her three-digited hand nimbly prying another bottle of serum from the med kit laid out beside her. It was soon in place, and she delivered the injection to Jacob with a little more care.

"Never would have imagined Tali."

"I am a bit of an expert with fighting infection, you know." The quarian waved a hand at Jacob, who weakly grinned and offered a thanks.

"Get some rest, soldier."

"Aye, Commander."

Tali linked her hands together, turning back to Shepard, "The doctor instructed me which were most suitable for what race. Administration isn't so difficult."

"Thanks, Tali... but you should rest soon too."

"Yes, well, when everyone's had their shots." Garrus came striding out of the med-bay and Tali cleared her throat, motioning him over. Turning to Shepard, she murmured, "I will enjoy this entirely too much. See me later, you two."

Thane gave a tug at her arm, and Shepard looked at him, before hitting Garrus in the arm. The turian rolled his eyes at her and started speaking to Tali as the Commander slunk away.

"You're leaking."

Shepard made a sound, looking to her side, where a blossom of fluids and blood was soaking through, dampening the dark material. She touched a hand to the site, cringing. The mission high had almost ebbed away, leaving much of her body eager to be noticed.

"Perfect timing then, I guess."

The med-bay doors opened to reveal Dr. Chakwas and Mordin leant over Crewman Hawthorne. The doctor patted his arm as the professor injected something into the man's arm, turning to her as she walked in.

"It's about time you came here."

Shepard waved her free hand, leaning into Thane's offered arm as she gingerly sat on the nearest med-bed. Looking at her hand, she wiped it on the sheet beneath her.

"I used medi-gel. Liberally. I thought you'd be happy."

"And what about you, Mr. Krios? Come for inspection, as well?"

Thane inclined his head.

"It would be wise."

"Good. Then sit there." Dr. Chakwas motioned, looking at Shepard as Mordin sidled up to the Commander.

"Thank you for helping with triage, Professor."

"Of course, Shepard. Wouldn't have it any other way."

Shepard cringed as the needle in his grasp bluntly pierced her skin, the site burning with warmth as the stopper suppressed. Mordin guided one of the diagnostic armatures overhead, taking the wireless electrodes to place on key points.

"Best undress."

Catching the bottom of her shirt, Shepard made to pull it off, cringing as the wide wound on her hip was revealed, its surface clogged with medi-gel. Dr. Chakwas put the instruments in her hand down and took the fabric from her, and Shepard sucked in a breath.

"Can we just cut it off, next time?"

Dr. Chakwas pursed her lips, tentatively touching over the packed wound. Shepard sloughed her pants with greater ease, lying back on the bed at the doctor's encouragement.

"I don't know how you walk sometimes, Commander."

Shepard closed her eyes, body heavy as she gave a soft sigh. She focused on her breathing as air hit the wound, the medi-gel released. It sped up her pulse, and she could feel the weep of blood spill down her thigh.

"Implant looks damaged. Will take time to repair."

* * *

"Sorry you had to see that."

The door to Shepard's cabin slid open, and she hobbled in with Thane's help. He supported her left side, ensuring she could keep the weight off.

"Why?"

Shepard's eyelids drooped, a concoction of medications in her system pulling sleep closer and leaving her hazy. She was left in a tank top and loose cotton pants, bandages sealed around her midsection and waist, her arms lacerated with new applications of medi-gel on her skin and coursing through her weaves.

"It doesn't bother you that... I have cybernetics? I'm pretty manufactured. I don't want you remembering me like that."

Thane straightened, lifting her more down the stairs. His own wounds were sealed and healing, superficial compared to the impromptu surgery she'd had.

"It is just your body. Your tool and weapon. I'd prefer you keep it honed."

"EDI?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Is everyone following orders? Have you locked Joker out?"

"Yes, Commander. Much to his dismay. But Jeff has retired, as have most of the crew."

Shepard sighed, her fingers running up the back of Thane's neck as he helped ease her onto the bed. More fatigue crept into her voice.

"Have we made it to Thail? Stealth systems are activated?"

"You do not need to worry, Commander, we are safe. Combined with the ship's systems, the composition of Thail's rings will further conceal our position."

Closing her eyes, Shepard ran her hand down Thane's chest, snagging on the snaps that close his jacket.

"Thank you, EDI. We couldn't have done all this without you. Fifteen hours. Please keep the systems locked for fifteen hours. I don't want anyone trying to work. They need this rest."

"Of course, Commander. Logging you out."

A ragged breath seeped from Shepard's lips, and she opened her eyes, hands in her lap. Thane was feeding her fish. She weakly smiled.

"Thank you."

Her voice cracked. Shuffling on the sheets, Shepard reached for the bed stand and took up the glass of water there.

"Is there anything else you need?"

Shepard looked to him over the glass, draining half of it before putting it back.

"You."

His expression relaxed, an amused sound in his throat as he stepped towards her.  
"Something tells me you'd do better to rest, siha."

Shepard laughed, the convulsion drawing her hand to her hip. Shaking her head, she looked back up to him.

"Not what I meant."

She loosened the elastic from her hair, tossing it on the nightstand. Her senses were dulling more, drugged and softening.

"Just stay with me. Sleep here." She looked back to Thane, her brow lifting from her heavy eyes, "Please."

He rounded the bed and picked up her legs, helping Shepard ease back into bed with a cringe of pain.

"You never had to ask."

Thane tugged her cotton bottoms off, leaving her clad in just bandages and medi-gel. She grinned again, lopsided from fatigue and medications. Shepard sighed and pressed her head back into the bed, watching her partner undress with half-lidded eyes. A wide bandage was taped where her own trapezius muscles would be, and he wasn't without his own swatches of solidified medigel, sealing where he'd been hit. Yet he moved with the same fluid care he always did.

He looked over his shoulder and caught Shepard admiring him, and Thane's expression relaxed.

"Is there anything else you need before I join you?"

Shepard shook her head. She needed an army. She needed the galaxy and Council to believe her when she spoke about the Reapers. She needed to delegate the arduous task of combing and removing all the bugs and spy equipment the Illusive Man had on the ship. She needed to strategize their next moves. She needed to think how she was going to pay a rogue crew, to know if any of them were going to stay - and to know how, and where they would do all the necessary repairs. She needed a good deal more to feel like she were doing her best to protect people from what was coming.

But as Thane drew back the covers to slip into bed beside her, her medicated mellow and aching bones were far from those thoughts. With slow difficulty, Shepard rolled on her side, and he touched over her face, willing her eyes closed. She pulled into the crook of his arm, using his shoulder as a pillow, snaking her fingers over his chest to hug to his cool skin. In the wake of an impossible battle, she figured she should be allowed a small reward; this was it.

"Tell me something I don't know." Shepard's voice was groggy, one foot already into her dreams.

Thane mmm'd as he wrapped his arm around her, fingers evading the tender bandages on her hip and side. Her breathing was lengthening, the weight of her cheek into his chest growing. She was unwashed, the musk of her body strong from the long battle, mingled with blood, sweet antiseptics and the medicinal scent of bandages. All of it was her, familiar, and each piece of the whole harkened some memory of the past months spent together. The thought that came, though, was only the night before.

"_Hair clings on your cheeks, lips pursed and eyes closed with heavy, sleeping breaths. Your skin is so soft under my touch. Battle, strain and worry are gone from your features, and there is some inexplicable innocence left_."

Shepard made a small sound, her face tilting so her nose flattened against his wiry muscles. Her breathing deepened, and Thane's hands took to her skin, cradling her closer.

"_Quiet blues on your skin. Like on the Citadel. I breath, 'I love you'... and you sleep._"

Much like then, the absent admission is met with a sigh of sleep from the woman in his arms. Thane closed his eyes as Shepard's even breath flowed over his skin.

_Dum spiro, spero _

While I breathe, I hope.

* * *

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who's read, reviewed, and just liked this story! I loved writing it. I will be working on rewriting it more in depth, starting earlier. If you like this Shepard's universe, please check out my other stories!

* * *

This timeline of this story continues Post-ME2, in a story on this site - Rising Tide. It continues Thane & Shepard's romance, and the outfall of choices and actions made, as well as preparing for the Reaper threat that looms closer.


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