Evangelion 1. Chapter 1

_**DISCLAIMER**_

I Jm0n3yba9s do not own Evangelion©. I also do not profit from this in any monetary form or matter. Upon being asked to remove this by Gainax or whoever holds the proprietary rights to Evangelion© I will comply.

_**FOR THE READER'S SAKE**_

This is a learning project for me, and; it is also a hobby that I very much enjoy. I accept criticism only when it's constructive because it helps me better my writing capabilities, however; if you're going to simply put "your story is shite" with no back up; no sort of reasoning; then I'll ask you to refrain from reviewing. I also hate happy endings; they go against my better judgement. I do however enjoy making my characters suffer, making them partake in what life is. So, I urge you not to read this for your sake.

* * *

_**PROLOGUE**_

_Unit 01's status is critical! The angel is penetrating its armor plating!_

_-Unit 02 and 00 are on their way!_

_The pilot's sync is past the 300 threshold and rising!_

_-High risk of mental and physical contamination!_

_He can't take much more Major Katsuragi!_

The Major taped her finger on the desk repeatedly, frustration getting ahold of her and a brush of sweat forming atop her brow and amid her palms.

"Damn it! Sever all links and eject the pilot! Prepare a surface team for immediate extraction!" snarled the purple hair colored woman who was successfully hiding any look of anguish on her face.

_The entry plug is not responding the eject command!_

"What?! What do you mean it's not responding?! Get him out of there now!" commanded the Major at her subordinates.

_Whatever the Angel is doing to unit-01 is affecting our systems!_

_-We've got no control on this end Major!_

"Get me those coms Hyuga! ASAP!" she exclaimed.

_Wait…Almost… There! Communications with unit-01 are back online Major!_

"Shinji can you hear me?" asked the Major hurriedly as she leaned forth and supported herself on the panels in front of her.

"I'm not dead yet" the pilot replied through the speaker while sounding shaky.

"You were told to wait for unit-00 and 02's backup!" she reproached him for his poor decision making and stole a sideways glare to the head doctor who had entered the vicinity.

"You don't understand!" Shinji responded with strain and panted.

"If she'd come out here… sh-she'd died as well" he added in rising anger and clutched his controls harder to continue wrestling with the giant nether being.

"Misato Unit-01 must not be lost!" the head doctor cut in impatiently as she neared her.

"Screw the Unit! We have to get Shinji to safety!" Misato reasoned with her friend, or whatever the blonde doctor had been to her lately.

"No, I'm not going anywhere" Shinji, who had overheard the blonde speak, replied fast and painfully as he continued to block any more tentacles from piercing his armor.

"I'm in charge here! This is my operation and I'm telling you to retreat!" Misato fired back as her ire drew her to smash her fist on the table.

"You keep her safe" he spoke softly and gasped as the the tentacles impaled inside unit-01's stomach continued their campaign of shredding.

"You're disobeying a direct ord-!" Misato began to growl furiously and worriedly before the pilot stopped her amid sentence.

"Pro.." he panted from exhaustion "promise me!" he finally yelled pleadingly as he coughed up more blood.

"Shinji I.." Misato began to reply, feeling tension coming over her cheekbones and into her eye sockets, to be left speechless as the next words processed.

"I'm.. I'm initiating manual self-destruct" he finished as he shut down his coms with HQ and prepared his final assault.

"Damn it Shinji! Get him back up double tim-" the major, after a few seconds of dissipating shock, began to shout out before the doctor stepped forth and reprimanded her.

"This has gone on long enough Misato! You were given prior notice about the value of unit-01!" the blonde reminded her by viciously pushing her aside.

"I'm his guardian! Do you think I'd send him out there with no remorse at all?! That I don't care about Shinji's life?!" Misato asked menacingly as she regained her posture.

"I don't give a shit about your personal attachments!" the blonde scientist dismissed. "It's the unit that matters to me!" Akagi finished.

"You've already said that three times! And as long as I'm head of command, Shinji's life is our top priority!" she enlightened her friend and swung her fist at her direction before her fist was caught in midair by the member of the security team present.

"And what happened to your personal vendetta?! All that shit about killing Angels?! Huh?!" Akagi questioned furiously to a stricken and silent Misato.

"You're emotionally compromised and out of line Major! I'm taking charge of this operation!" she yelled out irritatingly at the woman's insubordination before nodding to the man that held her and waving him leave with her finger.

"Prepare N2 mines for tactical strike!" Akagi ordered as the guard holding Misato reached the far end door leading out of the command center.

_But Unit-1's AT field is in the neutralization zone! A blast like that could kill the pilot!_

"Yes, but the angel's field is down too!" Akagi retorted and kept a fixed gaze on Misato as she did so.

_-And the unit? With the AT field down its going to be a miracle if we can recover some of it!_

"That's why we can't let him activate the fail-safe, it would destroy the core entirely!" Akagi exclaimed and returned her look to the forward monitors where the battle was being displayed.

Meanwhile Misato, grasping the whole of the present situation, quivered at Asuka's words sometime before, as she realized they had been of similar fashion to Shinji's. She struggled with the strength of the guard's arms as he removed her from the command center, and soon enough began to shout at the awed employees present.

"Don't let them kill them!" she gasped out and a tear escaped her eye "they'll kill them both if you don't sto-" Misato tried screaming harder, this to no avail as the guard, with her tightly grasped, stepped out the command center and the door they stepped through swooshed back to shut.

"We need those mines before unit-01 is completely lost! What the hell is taking so long!?" Akagi fumed and looked over to her bridge assistants.

_We have five airborne as we speak, the rest are on their way from the fleet._

"Ok patch me through to them" Akagi ordered and momentarily received a nod from Hyuga, who felt morally sick for what they were about to do.

_You're patched through mam'._

"This is Dr. Ristsuko Akagi and I'm heading this operation as of now. You have a green light to launch the N2 mines as soon as you spot the target" Akagi said too calm a manner for anyone not to notice.

"Affirmative" A pilot's voice replied through static.

The blonde doctor grimaced at the situation. She couldn't lose unit-01; he'd been clear on that. It'd taken her too long to gain his full trust to throw it all away now, pilot or no pilot; she wouldn't lose that damn thing. Lucky for her, she'd learnt a great deal about indirect manipulation through her time spent with Gendo.

"Patch me through to Unit-02's pilot!" She ordered as she attempted to find a way to gain leverage from what could very well be the end of the collective planning of ten years of work.

* * *

_**MEANWHILE**_

Shinji kept the monstrosity at bay for the next seconds as he struggled to look for the manual self-destruct present in all Evas. His left arm and abdomen still throbbing from the appendages engrossed in them as a faint path of veins emanated from both regions. He'd almost wish this thing would kill him already if it meant the pain would stop, but he couldn't let Asuka face this atrocity, this monster. Not if it meant putting her, and him, at risk.

Glancing to his back Shinji quickly found the cylindrical shaped object with a pull and twist handle. He wasn't too knowledgeable on the matter but Rei had instructed him about it once. Just pull out the handle, twist it clockwise, and push it back in.

Preparing for the final moments, Shinji let go with his Evangelion's right hand of the tentacles piercing its stomach, and he slowly allowed himself to be consumed in agony as he pulled the handle, twisted it, and waited, screaming in pain, for the right moment to blast the disfigured entity back to whatever hell it came from, and him along with it.

"There's so much I never did.." He whispered whilst breathing heavily in between faint, misery driven sobs.

In the daze of the aching, a square video feed pinged in his entry plug's interface, it was Asuka; she gasped almost immediately at the sight, his sight, her eyes becoming red and unfocused. He saw his reflection and had a similar reaction. His veins bulging almost all over his body as small lumps had formed in the zones of insertion. However, his initial shock and despair was immediately hidden behind a smile to prevent the lively ginger he'd come to care for, no, love, from worrying more.

"Shinji.." She said lowly as if to prevent a high pitch scream from forcing itself out and the moisture in her eyes to pour out.

"A..Asuka…" he said breathlessly at the girl in red.

"You wouldn't break a promise would you?" She whispered squeakily as the first strands of tears escaped.

"No.. Not to you.." he replied with another smile as he tried effortlessly to secrete the trashing pain he felt.

"Then.." she stopped as the restrained tears became unbearable "please don't.." she said hurtfully as she wiped her tears and held her womb.

"I do this for… Arghh!" he gasped and turned in his seat as he suddenly felt something burrowing inside his chest and noticed more of the red fluid escaping out of his mouth.

"Shinji!" Asuka shrieked in horror as more lumps formed across his body and a steady supply of blood managed to flow through his gritting teeth.

"Oh god.." She whimpered and let her streams of tears run astray "what is it doing to you?" she finished asking as she continued watching in dread the boy's transformation.

"Hey.." he managed after his heaving slowed down "I… I never told you.." He grimaced and sat up in his chair.

"No! Don't you dare say it!" she screamed in anger and shook her head in denial "don't talk like you're not coming back to me! You.. you'll tell me.." she began to say before her calmness shattered and she burst into tears and sobs.

"I.. I was scared Asuka.." he spoke softly as the feeling of cold sweat escaping his neck distressed him.

"It's ok Shinji, I'm scared too" she managed through the tears.

"But I'm.. I'm more scared of losing you" he quickly added as he felt his eyes betray him and let the built up dampness in them join the LCL in the plug with him "and so.. Even if I have to d-die" he stuttered as he figured this was going to be the last time he'd set eyes upon the beautiful auburn haired goddess that had claimed his heart so long ago.

"Sto-Stop it Shinji! Don't go! I-I-I can't lose you too, please not you too!" she wailed now, pressing herself forward on her controls trying to reach his Evangelion which barely stood upright a few kilometers over the next hill.

"Asuka.. Don't come here.. I don't want you to see this" he replied heartedly and shunned the tearing pain across his body.

"I'm not sitting back and letting you die! You're my idiot remember?" She asked through the sobs and pressed on faster when suddenly, in the flash of a second, five U.N. jets that were kilometers north-east of her fired their pave load and swiftly turned back. The aftermath was a giant dome of fire and smoke covering the surface in which unit-01 had valiantly retained the angel.

At the view, Asuka suddenly felt her body go limp and her Evangelion promptly afterwards. Falling idle into a forest as she stared blank eyed at the distance where the flame cupola began its dissipation, she felt it inside her aching chest. He was gone.

* * *

**_MEANWHILE_**

Hyuga trembled in his seat, and so did the other bridge techs. They'd just killed a human, a kid. They'd sealed an adolescent to his demise for the survival of the human race, and no one had opposed it, no one in the room at least, because they'd all known that deep inside; they were afraid of death and wanted to live, whatever the cost.

"Arrange the recovery team to continue with the plausible extraction, our work here is done" Akagi finally ordered as the silence in the command center had grown stale and somewhat unbearable.

"Yes mam" Hyuga and his two other counterparts said instinctively and began their labors, all knowing that a piece of their humanity had died with Unit-01's pilot, and that because of it; humanity had a chance of endurance against the nightmare that was the Angels.

_**END: PROLOGUE**_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 1**_

It was the same every night; Shinji had been woken up because of her constant trudging and faint, if somewhat inaudible, groans the whole week. It was quite depressing watching someone like Asuka, the unbroken and exotic foreigner, call and tug for her mother during her nightmares. He usually rallied to turning the volume on his SDAT recorder up, however; this time it was different. The feeling of apathy had somewhat drained and it seemed that Asuka's nightmares had gotten worse and worse, or so he imagined since her restlessness had increased more than the first night. This had made her mood somewhat frantic, more than usual that is.

Not being able to stand it any longer, Shinji stood up and walked over to her room's door after exiting his own quarters. With very carefully placed steps into the carpeted floor, as if to prevent any sudden noise to wake the slumbering ginger, the faintness of the groans turned potent. Feeling nervous as he reached the end of the hallway, he brought his hand up and lightly knocked before calling for her.

"Asuka?" he barely inquired above a whisper.

There was no answer, nevertheless; Shinji could still hear the soft groans and the noise made by her as she slowly turned and moved around her mat. It took him around five minutes, and a lot of Asuka's soft wails, for the boy to finally build up enough courage to slide the door open and enter the room.

Upon entering the room Shinji noted that it was messy; no surprise there. He wondered how a girl like Asuka could live like this, like a slob that is, and in retrospect, in a similar fashion to Misato. Perhaps the two were more alike than they considered each other to be, Shinji considered, but immediately retracted the thought out of fear upon hearing Asuka groan once more in her sleep.

As Shinji walked over to the light skinned, Auburn haired girl's bed he began to notice just how different she looked when she was sleeping, it was strange; one might even say she looked beautiful. This of course wasn't the first time he'd seen her sleeping, but it was the first time he'd done so out of his own merit. A shy blush formed on his cheeks as he realized what he'd just thought, however; he quickly dispelled the thoughts after another groan and headed over to her mat's end.

Still staring intently, he proposed on walking over to her head rest before, in a sudden and unexpected twist of fate, he felt a stinging pain on his right foot. It appeared that he had stepped on what seemed to be the bottom of an earring and involuntarily yelped while letting off a shriek in the process.

As Shinji continued his, more quiet now, yelping and cursing of the blasted jewelry; the slumbering ginger awoke to see the poor boy grabbing on his foot with both hands while balancing himself trying not to fall. Needless to say, he hadn't noticed she had been woken by the ruckus.

"What are you doing in my room pervert!?" roared the now fully stirred Asuka as she stood up and tightened her fists.

"I.. I'm sorr…." Shinji began instantly after a rapid jump scare but trailed off and let his mouth open agape as he reviewed what Asuka was wearing.

Astounded would be the word, that or just suddenly struck by a wave of hormones. Sure he'd seen Asuka in her swimming gear and plug suit before, both of which detailed her above decent figure of an hourglass perfectly, and he'd even been fortunate enough to see her wear some rather intriguing, if not vulgar, attires previously, nonetheless; seeing her in her last layer of clothing before being completely nude, her undergarments, made all sorts of blood rise to his head. He almost let out a drop of drool as he continued scoping the shape and features of her semi exposed body. He marveled at her stunning physique, it was no wonder she got asked out so much. The petite auburn haired girl before him had on a pair white panties with flowers spread through its design, and a borderline color he couldn't quite distinguish in the night light. Apart from that, she wore a small v shaped blouse that revealed the majority of her inner breasts, which stood out firm through the fabric of the cloth. His face turned red at the sight but thankfully, the room being poorly lit up, didn't make it so obvious to the other occupant.

Asuka, not oblivious to the wandering eyes and puddle of drool across from her, quickly glanced down at her attire. Taking note of how exposed she was, especially at the forefront of her womanhood, and noticing the boy's different from usual reaction as he continued staring; she suddenly felt too exposed, and shielded her attributes away from the prying eyes with her arms. Asuka then managed her gaze back up at the boy again, and around that time, Shinji just about realized he had been staring too long.

'Uh-oh' he thought to himself as he prepared himself physically, by beginning to flinch, and mentally for the incoming reprisal.

"A.. Asuka, I…I… I didn't mean to-" he was unfortunately cut off from finishing his sentence as the, ever so feisty, girl in front of him pulled back her arm and swung a punch to intercept his left eye.

"Oww! Why'd you hit me!?" he remarked as he grabbed the stricken area tightly and grimaced the pain.

"You're not the victim here Ikari! This serves you right for being such a pervert!" she hoarse at him trying to cover herself up with the blanket atop her mat.

"Now explain yourself third! What the hell where you doing in my room and staring at me for!" she demanded an answer as her eyes hooked on him in a manner that made it seem as if she was threatening his very existence.

"I.. I… em…" he babbled nervously as he knew too well the volatile nature of the striking girl in front of him.

"You what?!" she intervened impulsively.

"I-I-I thought you were having a nightmare again and I just thought that-" she cut him off again before he could even manage the rest of his alibi.

"That you could what!? Take advantage of me!?" she asked heatedly and glared at him, Shinji, who felt an erratic chill run up his spine as it seemed like this was to be his passing.

Gulping hard and taking a quick glance at the other end of the room, Shinji managed to move there with haste, all the while he made sure not to step on the same earing twice.

The pompous red head, having been looking forward to the lashing at hand, saw this and exclaimed "You're such a coward! You always run away!"

"Asuka wait!" he let out frantically "I'm being honest! I just came to check on you, you were calling for your mom again!" he quickly added and rued it instantly as the girl at hand clenched both fists tightly.

'Ohh God she's going to kill me!' he grimaced internally and covered his face behind his arms while waiting for the coming onslaught. Fortunately form him such strike never came, and he was surprised when it didn't. Curious to see what stride of luck had suddenly spared his life, he looked up and saw the belligerent foreigner stare at him deeply, in what appeared to be a state of, confusion?

'What the.. Again?' Asuka processed deep inside and also wondered of the possibility that the broken house maid was telling the truth.

'Did I really? I mean I do have nightmares about that but.. I don't remember crying about it or anything' She though as her gaze never left the boy's fearful eyes.

'Then again, he is a wimp. He'd probably say anything to not get hit' she countered her previous assessment and managed to convince herself otherwise. Sadly, the mention of her mother was enough to make her remember her traumas, why'd she become a pilot in the first place, ancient repressed memories and feelings; it wasn't long before she felt her eyes become soggy and irritated.

Meanwhile, Shinji stood idly and watched in awe. The fact that Asuka's eyes glistened under the meagre light was enough to make him realize she was on the verge, and he immediately considered himself an idiot. However, to his defense; how was he to know that her mother was a touchy subject? It's not as if they spoke about themselves and past to each other.

He broke the dreaded silence that had extended for far too long, at least for him that is, and began his routinely apology. "Asuka I'm, I'm so-" she slapped him across the face mid-sentence, much to his relief as he'd rather get some sort of response than be given the silent treatment.

"Leave idiot shinji. Just…" she sighed "leave" she retook and said very quietly.

"I'm sorry Asuka. I didn't mean to bring that up, I was just worried about you" he told her delicately while trying to grab ahold of her shoulder. This a failed attempt as an excruciating amount of pain coming from his gut compelled him to fall flat on his knees and gasp.

'Damn she punches hard' the boy thought to himself as he grabbed hold of his stomach and stared at the foreigner's petite feet.

"Liar" Asuka responded before she hurriedly exited the room and left him there, out of wind, clenching his gut, regretting he'd ever entered the room in the first place. She made way to the bathroom and Shinji, having had enough physical sufferings for the day, made sure to clear out of her room before she came back. As he made his way back into his room, call it urge, but he was incessant to stop by the bathroom to ask "Asuka are you ok?" however, there was no response. He understood her silence; she didn't want to talk to him at the moment, so he continued on his way to his room.

It was mildly warm in Tokyo-3. Shinji had opened his window earlier that night to let the fresh breeze dive in the room and cool the air around him, however; the efforts were futile against the ever present heat. He now began by removing his shirt and trying to accommodate himself on the mat, spinning and turning to find the right spot to slumber. Then he recurred to remove his shorts, deciding that he might as well sleep in boxers. At some point thought, he felt the gentle breeze on his nether regions, cool to the touch and very refreshing. Having liked the experience, he proceeded to remove his boxers and sleep commando, it's not like anyone ever entered his room anyways.

As he drifted to sleep, Shinji's mind kept replaying the events over and over. He wondered the why to the sudden change on the explosive German beauty, the why to her calling him a liar if he'd spoken with the truth, but alas; after a long while his thoughts began to float away as his eyes closed and he slumbered off into the night.

* * *

_**MEANWHILE**_

Asuka lay slumped against the tiled wall of the bathroom. Her emotions had gotten the best of her and that shouldn't have happened. She'd convinced herself that she was over this, that she'd finally gotten through the twisted and warped past she'd been dealt; she was wrong. Even now she was as helpless as ever, a little girl lost and confused in the darkness and cruelness of the world, with no one to understand her, no one to console her, driven forward by the past anguish she had turned a blind eye to. Perhaps that might've been the reason for the words to keep replaying in her mind. She was sure the shrimp had stated that he cared for her, that he worried for her, but, why? Didn't she cause him enough unpleasantness for him to hate her, and yet, he was of the few constants of her life right now.

Asuka shrugged and grabbed hold of her temple. Overthinking this was going to be her end, but there was something that frightened her; a possibility.

'What if he was lying? It would be more logical to assume that, right?' she asked herself as she rubbed her temple harder, a slight migraine forming there.

'I mean…. Of all people, why would he care about the one person that treats him like crap? He'd say anything..' She pondered and concluded before letting her hand fall down to her lap and feeling her eyes water again.

"I hate this feeling" Asuka whispered as she got up, dried her unsheathed tears with a towel, and exited the bathroom.

She couldn't help but feel anger at the boy's intervention. After all, if he hadn't mediated she wouldn't be feeling so.. lonely?

'Damn him, damn him for screwing with me' she though distastefully and began workings on her resulting vendetta as she stood in the hallway, idly looking at his room for a few seconds, before she finally decided to go back to her bed. She made her way through her piled floor and subsequently chaotic room, and right before the foot of her mat; she accidentally stepped on what looked like the bottom of an earring. Asuka yelped in agony and started jumping on one foot trying to rub the other one with both hands, almost losing balance in the process and falling.

'So this is why that idiot was making all that fuzz. Still, he had no right to be in my room in the first place. That idiot!' she thought as she finally felt the stinging pain die down and she lay on her mat.

As Asuka dozed off her mind was on one thing, and one thing only; the little twerp that had infiltrated her room, Ikari Shinji.

* * *

_**THE NEXT MORNING**_

Shinji's eyes peered open at the sound of things being tossed around somewhere in the apartment. He considered this to be another poor attempt from his guardian and Captain, Misato, as she fixed herself something to eat before heading off to work. Taking one long yawn and then turning to stare at the clock, he noted it was still pretty early in the morning and truth be told, he was pretty beat. He figured he'd manage another light snooze before having to wake up and feed Asuka and himself; so he laid his head back on the mat, thinking about the previous night and in a matter of seconds, fell under again.

It was all a haze to him. There were blurs of settings, and splotches of people talking, maybe crying. The thing that stood out from the whole experience was seeing Rei and Asuka cradled in the locker rooms. Rei presented a shaken look and silently stared off at the ground, meanwhile; Asuka barely managed to hold herself together as another locker received its duly judgement in the form of her fist. She embraced her womb tenderly, and agonized by tears in secrecy as to not let the other dweller see her this way.

Asuka finally fell on her knees and let her head fall forward onto one of the lockers' doors. She sniffled and whispered defeated "Why? You Idiot.. How could you leave me behind?" all this as more and more droplets tears of fell onto the floor.

Soon though, the door to the locker room slid open and the pilots were joined by a third entity. As cold and menacing as ever, Ritsuko neared Asuka and placed a hand on her shoulder. This a useless attempt at sympathy as her hand was soon pushed away. Ritsuko sighed, this was what she'd planned after all. Still, she wasn't as heartless as the commander, she felt for this girl.

"I won't apologize Asuka" Ritsuko began and sat on the stool besides her. "Shinji will go down in history as a hero, his sacrifi-" Ritsuko stopped as Asuka's backhand met her cheek and almost made her tumble over.

The woman in her late 20's suddenly stared in stark horror as Asuka pulled out a small knife. Akagi frightened, knowing her for a few months she was certain Asuka wouldn't… would she?

"You-Yo-You need to calm down Asuka" Ritsuko retook and watched as her words made the suddenly dark and obscure ginger to grin, a grin so maleficent a chill ran up her spine.

"So you are afraid" Asuka replied and then dropped the knife. "Remember that feeling, that's what he felt when you murdered him" Asuka said wincingly and lowered her head to prevent the blonde from seeing her tears run down her cheek.

Ritsuko simply stared at Asuka, confused and relieved. She stood up from her bench and began to say something, however; around this time Shinji started hearing "Wake up! Get up moron!" and just like that his surreal dream had vanished as his consciousness found its way back into the real world. As he opened his eyes, Shinji was greeted by the lovely, if not kind, words of his housemate and coworker Asuka.

"Ughh! You idiot!" Asuka spat out angrily as she shook him violently and then proceeded to flick him across the forehead.

She stood towering over him, watching as the pain woke him up confused and in disarray. The poor soul managed to say "Hey! What's the big id-" before receiving a defining kick to the stomach.

"Oww!" he cried out loud as the force of the kick was enough to fully wake him and render him in pain.

'I suppose this is what I get for trying to be nice…' thought the boy mutely.

"Oh, waoh. Thanks for the wake up Asuka…" Shinji hissed sarcastically as he got up from his mat to confront the red head, whose cheeks turned visibly red as she glanced down at the boy's 'liberating' appearance.

Asuka's mouth lay slightly opened as her eyes quickly darted from the boy's eyes to his rather personal area. Her fists tightened as well. This of course did not go unseen by Shinji, who plainly took his time amidst the silence and stretched his arms behind his neck. That is until he felt a rather pleasant draft graze his manhood.

'Deep down, I always knew Asuka would kill me' he mourned internally as he glanced down to confirm his lack of clothing, and then upwards to meet the eyes of the raging girl in front of him.

Not knowing what to say, Shinji gave her a weak smile before realizing almost too late; she'd lunged her arm back. Almost as if on cue to the realization, he suddenly felt the momentum of the fist drive him back and make him crash atop the mat, where he instinctively held the contacted area, his jaw, and groaned.

At first, overpassing the pain, was a sense of disbelief she'd actually hit him for something that could've been considered her fault but after that; a sense of embarrassment washed over Shinji. What would he tell the guys? That a girl gave him a bruising? Definitely not. The endless jokes and harassment would be unbearable, but he'd cross that bridge once he got there.

"You actually hit me!" he scuffled in pain atop the mat as he reached for the nearby blanket to cover himself.

"What the hell's the matter with you?!" She hollered whilst trying to keep her eyes on par with his as seeing his naked form had caused some sort thrill that'd been absent within her for a while.

"Me?! What about you!? Why are you in my room!?" he intrigued accusingly at the offended woman in question who continued staring at him with a vicious demeanor.

Asuka blushed again, her situation having quickly been morphed to being on the defensive, something that rarely happened in these encounters with Shinji, and; she stood struck in embarrassment for not remembering why she'd come into his room in the first place.

"I.. Do-Don't get the wrong idea third!" she began protectively "I-I just wanted breakfast!" she clarified loudly. This time not being able to meet his eyes as he might've noticed her pinkish cheeks.

"And I guess knocking is too hard.." he murmured angrily.

"Oh. Really?! I didn't see you knocking when you came into my room to watch me sleep! You little creep!" she exclaimed at him and drew her tightened fist up, act that made the boy flinch considerably.

"Bu-Bu-But I did knock!" he defended and slightly stepped back from her "it-it's not like I wanted to wake up to hear you call for your mother!" he added, knowing he'd probably said his last words on this god forsaken earth as he'd painfully learned the day before; Asuka's mother was a rather sensitive subject.

'Oh god… Please don't let this hurt too much' he silently thought as he closed his eyes and waited for his appointed judgement.

The speed at which the hand smacked him was quite incredible, had it not been cause of excruciating pain, he probably would've praised her back handing abilities. However this was not the case, for his cheek immediately burned and stung in manners he'd yet to find a way to describe.

Silence engulfed them both. Asuka kept her gaze driven downwards not allowing him to look at her face, meanwhile; Shinji held his rather sore cheek and continued to observe the girl. More silence.

Shinji couldn't endure this much longer, it would surely drive him insane. For all he knew she still mad, possibly sad. And the silence? What was he to do now? He sighed. It made him wonder if now would be a good time to apologize, of course there was always the possibility that she'd lash at him again for apologizing.

"So.. Breakfast huh?" he managed shakily after a hard swallow.

"I… I guess I'll go and make you something to eat" he said dejectedly after not receiving any sort of answer from the fear imbuing girl in front of him, and began his walk towards the kitchen after picking up some clothes to change into.

"You do that" she replied blankly as he brushed past her.

Shinji turned to look at her for a split second as she replied him; the look of confusion on her was saddening.

'And she's the best one of us…' Shinji though grimly as he entered the bathroom and covered his indecency. Briefly after he headed to the kitchen to begin the foreigner's morning dish, still wondering about what drove Asuka to become so violent whenever he mentioned her mother, but this was pointless in his opinion. The only way he'd ever know was if Asuka herself told him, assuming nobody else knew, and that was pretty far from reality.

After a while Asuka came to the table and sat by, waiting silently for the, rather frail looking, boy to serve the dishes as was the norm. He, in the midst of his preparation of exquisite cuisine, hadn't noticed the red headed girl that laid eyes upon him. The truth was that Asuka had always loved Shinji's food. This despite of often telling him it was average if not mediocre. It always amazed her how Shinji lost himself when he was cooking; he was an entirely different person. It might even be fitting to say that it was almost entertaining to watch him cook. Her cheeks turned rose for a moment. Had she really just thought that?

Shinji was in the process of culminating his gourmet when a series of taps caused him to turn fearfully to the table behind him. There she was sitting beside the table with her fingers locked on to each other as she stared him down.

"Hey" he greeted nervously and smiled awkwardly to the feisty German who didn't give any indication she was going to respond.

"Well breakfast is almost done. Say, how much sugar do you want?" he asked as he brought about her cup of coffee.

Asuka remained silent for a few seconds, the only communication between her and the point-dexter in front being their eyes locking. She really wanted to talk about last night, call it closure if anything; there things she needed to clarify.

"Why?" Asuka asked finally daring to break the silence.

"Why(?)" Shinji repeated. "Why what?" He now inquired as he continued setting everything on the dining table as fast as possible, a preemptive measure in case of a surprise attack from the girl.

"Why did you really come into my room last night? Be honest" she said as she stared deep into his eyes.

"Oh" Shinji sighed. "I… I told you why" He responded and gave her a weak grin; she continued staring him down however.

'Guess she wants me to say it again.." he frowned mentally.

"I was worried about you" Shinji began and temporarily stopped serving breakfast. "You've been rather restless lately, even if you yourself can't recall" he continued tensely, not wanting to say the wrong thing and end up being chewed out. "So yesterday I knocked on your door, but you didn't answer. I waited outside some time, scared to even think about entering your room but.." he trailed off and chose his next words carefully. "I don't know, I just thought that maybe I could help you. So I went inside and stepped on something pointy and well.. You woke up and this" he finished as he pointed at his bruised cheeks and eyes, laughing a little to demonstrate that no resentment was harbored.

Asuka gave him a sincere smile, a pleasant sight if he might add, before chuckling a little too. "You're such an idiot" she said smiling cheekily.

"If you say so" he replied happily that this was all behind them now. "But wait… Did you really have to hit me this morning? I mean, that was your fault! Wasn't it?" he asked woefully as he caressed his semi swollen jaw.

"What are you stupid!? Who sleeps naked in a shared house!?" she asked incredulously at the idiocy of the inquiries. "I bet you wanted that to happen" she stated, to his shock. "My my Shinji, when did we get so bold?" said the mischievously looking red head in front of him giving him a smirk.

Shinji suddenly felt the temperature turn up a notch and his face flush. "I-I..Are you serious? Haven't you ever heard of knocking!?" he asked trying to overcome his sudden embarrassment.

"Fine, fine. Geez. It's not like I wanted to see you naked" she retorted and immediately felt heat rise to her cheeks. Asuka cursed herself internally on saying something so rash and proceeded to change the subject. "Just-just don't come into my room again idiot" she hissed at him.

The rest of breakfast was a continuation of their standard arguing, with some more peculiar moments in which both teens would suddenly feel their faces heat up entirely. Once they were done eating they prepped themselves up and left the apartment, unfortunately for them both; they were both running late due to the prolongement of breakfast.

Asuka grabbed onto Shinji's hand and rallied through the city in a blur. Shinji barely keeping up with the athletic nature of the girl and feeling himself fall prey to his lack of cardio.

"Asuka… Wa… Wait!... Plea.. Please! I… I can't" he managed as he fell on his knees and began taking deep breaths.

"Come on Shinji! We are almost there!" she yelled at the exhausted boy who was just now catching his breath.

"Just.. Go.. I'll catch up… Later" he said through inhalations, finally being able to stabilize his breathing.

"Yeah, and then have to hear Misato's rant for leaving you behind? I'll pass thank you… Now quit being such a baby and let's GO!" she replied at high decibels as she took Shinji by the arm and began to run. Shinji frowned but nodded and followed suit nonetheless.

When they finally made it to school, Shinji a heaving mess while Asuka proudly stood unaffected, the first hour bell had already rang. Misato was going to kill them, and possibly even worse; Hikari was going to scold them both.

"This is all your fault idiot!" Asuka yelled whilst still grasping onto his hand as she ran towards the staircase.

"I-I told you to leave me! I can't run as fast as you!" the boy protested as they reached their homeroom's floor and ran towards it.

They hurriedly entered their classroom and greeted the professor who in turn, greeted them with a snide remark. "Good for you to graze us with your presence and " he said sarcastically as he pointed towards their seats and returned to writing something on the chalkboard.

Meanwhile in the back of the class room, a boy smirked and stood up to welcome his classmates. "Hey look!" the tall, black haired boy began as he pointed towards the new entries to the classroom. "The married couple's finally here! I do wonder though… What were you two doing that Shinji's so flustered?!" asked Touji innocently.

Asuka and Shinji exchanged a quick glance before turning to reddish colors across their faces. "I-We-What!? With him(her)?! Never!" they both spat out in unison trying to clear out the false propaganda being launched against them.

"We were just running!" explained Shinji still pink at the remark.

"Huh. Fancy word for se-" began Touji mischievously until Shinji butted in.

"Shu-Shut up Touji!" yelled Shinji visibly irritated with the teasing.

"Listen you worthless waste of resources…" Asuka growled angrily. "Unless you want Hikari to go out with a toothless idiot, I suggest you shut it!" Asuka yelled, an evil grin forming on her face as she did so.

"Asuka!" Hikari yelled as she flushed violently.

Touji stared wide eyed at the class representative and reddened. "I-I don't know what you're talking about demon!" He finally yelled defensively.

By this time however, the professor, who had momentarily paused his lecture to see what the whole argument was about, had about enough. True, he was young once, in a different epoch were life seemed much simpler than it was today, and; he knew very well the smell of romance in the air.

'Ahhh' the professor thought humoredly. 'How to forget the first puppy love' he continued his reminisce. 'Oh Rosalia, I miss you so…' he thought solemnly and immediately snapped back to the matter at hand. "Everyone be quiet and pay attention!" he yelled as loud as he could muster before returning to go over his lecture on the second impact.

All students immediately tensed up and sat by in silence as the professor went about his ramblings, some noticing his rather moody tone now but none daring to speak out of fear of a prominent lash back.

Class continued on as slow as was ever expected from this professor, the whole time though; Shinji continued to marvel at how stunning Asuka looked today. The sun made her silky smooth skin tinkle, and her bright, natural, auburn colored hair was magnificent, swaying lightly as she looked around for things to distract herself with. Then there were her eyes, he couldn't see them right now, but regardless; he knew plenty well of how they sized up and looked. Maybe it was the color, he liked her lighter that his, yet still dark, blue eyes. He reddened up for who knows what consecutive time that day, just thinking about her like this, it was different for him. He would've continued this trend of thoughts had it not been for the freckled boy sitting to his right.

"What's wrong Shin-man? Lost in a daydream about Asuka?" Kensuke asked aloud and chuckled at the growing blush forming on Shinji.

"It's nothing like that!" He said defensively as he looked around and noticed everyone's attention was on him, even Asuka's, who Shinji dared to meet head on with a stare only to grow intimidated, blush, and then turn to head another direction.

Kensuke, finding his behavior to be quite peculiar, said "Relax Shin-man, I'm just kidding" and chuckled again before patting him on the back. Shinji only guessed what the rest of the day would be like.

True to his usual self, Kensuke had noted something particularly different about the boy sitting to his left, or rather various things. It could be seen Shinji had his left eye a little swollen, the color of his skin turning a shade darker as it neared what Kensuke guessed to be the impact area. This of course rather than be taken seriously, was immediately used to as cannon fodder to get a few laughs between him and Touji as Shinji tensed at the mention of the bruise.

It took its time but class had finally gone by and as far as Shinji was concerned, it had been close to an eternity in this prison. As the bell for lunch break rang, Touji and Kensuke joined their third party member to inquire of his favored ingest zone for the day. Something to which Shinji answered "I might eat alone today guys. I… I just have some things on my mind".

"Woahh Shinji. What's wrong man? Is your wife beating you again?" Touji asked and exchanged a laugh with Kensuke.

"Shut up Touji!" Shinji exclaimed.

"Well then tell us what's up" replied Kensuke to the annoyed looking boy.

Shinji soon realized they wouldn't take no for an answer, peacefully that is, and decided to head over to the primary building's roof with his friends following closely behind. He alibied to them the fact that he just felt a little bit under the weather and he probably just needed some rest; they didn't buy it though.

Touji and Kensuke looked at each other in confusion as they reached the roof but dropped the subject, figuring he would tell them about whatever was bothering when he was ready. They spent lunch sticking to the norm they abided by, that is; talking about the opposite sex, grades and of course, Misato.

When the bell indicating the end of break finally rang, the young trio of friends recollected their belongings from the roof and headed to the locker rooms to change for the physical ed. class.

Shinji changed into the school's usual track shorts and jersey, as did every other male student in class 2-A, and as he headed out to the track field; he glanced up at the pool. It seemed that the girls were to be training freestyle today. From his point of view he really couldn't see much, just the girls that lay against the fence or the ones on the boards that were prepping up to dive, like Asuka. She was bent over and reaching for the diving board's edge as she waited patiently for the signal to launch herself. In a swift instant, as the coach's whistle blew, she dove in and he lost sight of her. It wouldn't have surprised Shinji if she'd been the first one to finish; Asuka was a sight to behold in sports, such grace, such elegance, such willpower. She really made athletic abilities seem to be something of the average, which as Shinji often demonstrated; they were not. Now that he thought about it, Asuka had always excelled in everything he'd seen her participate in.

'Except being nice' the boy thought and chuckled to himself.

Shinji's thoughts immediately went blank as he caught sight of Asuka again; she got out completely drenched and stood with her back against the fence. To her ignorance, she did not know that along with Shinji, every other male student kept a keen eye on her from a distance.

Shinji was amazed. How could it be that every time he looked at her she was more beautiful? To look at her like this was a first for him; to think about her like this was strange.

Asuka turned to look around and saw a multitude of male students stare at her, but that didn't matter to her, after all; she'd already gotten used to this kind of attention. The observation that caused her intrigue was that of her house-mate, Shinji Ikari, who kept a fixed gaze on her. For reasons she could not fathom, for some time now; she was thoroughly enjoying him beholding her. She blushed a tad but thankfully, nobody noticed. A few seconds of a deep eye connection passed before he, along with the other drooling boys, were reprimanded and made to run laps.

Hikari, having just finished her rally, headed over to her vibrant friend's side and sat. She glanced over where Asuka continued gazing and giggled, it was obvious she was looking at Shinji.

"Say Asuka…" Hikari began. "You wouldn't happen to be thinking about Shinji? Would you?" Hikari finished and chuckled at her friend's bemusement.

"What?!" Asuka immediately snapped her head towards Hikari with fire in her pupils, something that made Hikari feel chills across her body. "Why would I be thinking about that idiot?!" Asuka replied defensively, although to most, it would have seemed aggressively as she was now towering over a trembling Hikari.

"I-I'm just saying!" Hikari replied nervously as she tried to calm her friend down.

"Yeah right, as if I would ever think about a dweeb like that" as she said this though, a thought crossed her mind. It was how she'd felt when he'd looked at her. She blushed a little again.

"Asuka you can talk to me about anything. Ok?" Hikari said as she nudged an elbow to her friend's calf.

"Yeah yeah…" Asuka waved it off and sat back down. "So… You and Touji?" She asked as a familiar evil grin formed on her face.

"Wha-I don't kno- Nothing is going on!" Hikari spat out and reddened.

"I guess it's just my imagination that you look at him constantly. I mean of al-" Asuka found her rant to be cut off by a rose cheeked Hikari.

"You're one to talk! You're always looking at Shinji too!" Hikari yelled and then covered her mouth quickly as she realized what she'd just said out loud.

Asuka quickly turned to look around to see if anybody had heard the rather exposing declarations from her friend. No one dared to meet her eye; good. Turning back with a scowl towards Hikari, Asuka replied "Ughh! I obviously don't! And while you're at it, how about you start minding your business Hikari!".

"Sorry… I didn't mean to say that aloud" Hikari apologized looked at her foreign friend.

Asuka sighed and responded "It's ok. Sorry for bugging you with the retar-" before being stopped again by Hikari.

"Hey!" Hikari beckoned as she gave her a look.

As time went by, both friends enjoyed a pleasant talk before having to back in the pool to do the next rally. Asuka, being known for her superior athletic skills, was already speeding through the different sets for each rally. Having a lot on her mind, mostly a nuisance from last night, she was motivated to push herself further than before, something she'd always try to do. After she finished first, exhausted but utterly satisfied with the gap between her and the rest of the girls; she headed over to the locker rooms as her instructor gave her leave.

When Asuka got to the locker rooms, she was greeted by solitude, which was perfect for how strange she'd been feeling the whole day. She sat down near a row of lockers and laid her head back as she began to question what was happening to her. It saddened her that she was starting to feel things for Shinji, things she couldn't explain. She recalled the various times she'd hit him or insulted him, and she wasn't immensely proud of herself. He was always so nice to her; he even had the modesty to check up on her when she had nightmares. Perhaps that's what made it all the more confusing.

'Idiot Shinji…' Asuka thought frustratingly as she rubbed her temple.

Asuka had known for a while that he was quite fond, if not just plainly attracted to her, but she'd shrugged it off as though it was more of a superficial thing than anything else. For a while that was the only reason she teased him. Then something strange happened to her; she started enjoying it. However, Asuka knew that whatever scenarios Shinji was probably imagining would probably end up with them on the backlash end of the ordeal, and that; she was not willing to go through.

Asuka dispelled any shadowed feelings she felt she owed him and thought it the best path to go. It was in a way the more logical approach to future regret and possible resentment between them both, but then again; it could also be her cutting of the head of something that was meant to be beautiful.

"No!" she yelled and whimpered at her confusion. "It's better like this" She whispered to herself and began to wallow silently as to not let anyone hear her.

* * *

_**MEANWHILE**_

As most of the boys ran their final laps, faces of strain and torment could already be seen across them. The instructor had penalized them with five more extra laps on the four hundred meter track due to their easily distracted nature.

Shinji and Kensuke were trying to keep up with Touji as they neared the red finish line, both teenagers feeling like they were about to faint from exhaustion. To their relief they soon crossed the thin line that declared them free from any more arduous physical activity for the day, and with a nod and a congratulatory applaud from the coach to Shinji on not being last; they headed off to the bleachers to rest.

Kensuke sat down besides Shinji and laughed happily at his friend's worn out face. "Geez Shinji, you really ought to be more fit…" exchanged Kensuke while patting him on the back.

"I…I'll keep that in mind" replied a heaving Shinji.

"Well it looks like the girls are still out there swimming" Touji implied with a grin as he looked over to the fenced pool.

"Count me out" Shinji began. "It's been a long day and I'm pretty tired" he finished and sighed.

"Oh yeah? Asuka keep you up all night?" teased Touji with a grin.

"You don't know the half of it" Shinji said calmly as he didn't fully grasp the bait he'd just given them.

Kensuke and Touji looked at each other for a second, mouths both wide open at the sheer coolness and boldness of the Shinji in front of them.

"Shinji... You-You sly dog!" Touji blasted eagerly as he gave his friend a few pats. "Who'da' thought you'd manage?!" his friend happily mocked.

"You gotta' tell us everything man!" Kensuke pleaded as he grabbed ahold of Shinji's shirt.

"I bet she's a real devil isn't she?" Touji asked mischievously and simulated a whip in his hand.

"What?!" hollered Shinji as he now turned bright red. "Guys it-it was nothing like that!" Shinji exclaimed and rubbed the back of his head. "She's just too restless sometimes, that's all" he turned to his friends as replied honestly. "Anyways I'm off guys" he finished and got up to walk off towards the locker rooms.

Kensuke and Touji were suddenly caught in a deep sense of confusion. What the hell had just happened?

All the while, Shinji made his way to the locker rooms and upon reaching them; his perceptive hearing managed to pick up on soft groans and wails echoing through the halls. It was coming from the girl's locker room to be precise. He was hesitant on what to do, wondering if he should go get one of the girls to check this out but instead; he felt rather compelled to, and decided to wait.

He must've waited a few minutes before poking his head through the entrance and asking "Hey… are you ok?" As soon as the words had left his mouth it suddenly got really quiet; he worried.

"I'm coming in ok?" Shinji stated as he began to enter the locker rooms, and then he heard it.

"No don't come in! I'm fine!" the girl stated loudly, but he recognized that high pitched tone anywhere. It was Asuka.

Shinji immediately ran inside, not caring much if he wasn't supposed to be there in the first place, and caught sight of the unbroken Asuka, seemingly a strained mess lying in a corner.

"Asuka!" He rushed to her side and kneeled trying to grab ahold of her. "Asuka what's wrong? Tell me! Do you need me to carry you to the infirmary?" He speedily asked her his face displayed many layers of dreadful concern.

"I'm fine Idiot!" Asuka snapped and pushed his arms away. "Just drop the nice guy act and leave me alone! I don't want to see you!" she hoarse at him loudly and looked elsewhere to avoid his eyes.

"Asuka I-" Shinji had begun to reply to the lashing as he was cut off.

"Didn't you hear me?! Stop pretending you care about me!" she spat out bluntly. "I don't like you Shinji!" she shouted at him, knowing fully those words had probably hurt him, but; she had to cut him off before anything could ever happen, it was better this way.

Shinji's face had gone from showing distress and concern to gloomy; he quickly retook his standing posture and with a knot in his throat whispered "ok". Then, just as fast he left the slithering viper to her thoughts alone as he exited the locker rooms in spastic silence. Not even lifting his gaze from the ground the whole time. He of course, wondered why simple words had managed to woe him so, they were just words after all.

Shinji took a cold shower, changed his clothes and walked out the men's locker room to find a serious looking Asuka in front of him. They gazed at each momentarily, hers was the one to falter first as she quickly looked elsewhere.

"Are you going home?" she asked him, not daring to meet his eyes.

"Yes" he replied with ire and disgust and began to walk home, Asuka following closely behind.

They both walked home in silence, Shinji staring off at the ground the whole time and Asuka at anything but him. She couldn't stand seeing him like this, especially since she felt guilt swallow her up completely. When they got to the apartment each one went their separate ways and avoided any sort of eye contact. Shinji stood in the hallway and watched as she rushed to her room and barricaded herself there. He then proceeded to sit on the couch and fiddle with his thoughts. It seemed the only thing that had been on his mind today had been the venomous red head. It was strange. She gladly inflicted pain on him, yet when she wanted to; she'd show this side of her, a kind hearted side; one that he doubted many had ever seen. He'd only seen it once, it had been a while back on the balcony as they stared into the sunset, but; it the day had been long and tiring and he just wanted to rest now. Slowly falling back into the soft cushions, he closed his eyes and escaped the world.

* * *

_**SOMETIME LATER**_

The boy woke up from his pleasant rest to someone tapping him on this shoulder. He quickly shoved the hand away annoyingly and opened his eyes in frustration. It was Asuka, and she looked beautiful. She was all dressed up wearing a black dress that detailed her body perfectly. She'd also put on some make up, though to be honest she didn't need it, and had an aroma that was intoxicatingly pleasant to say the least.

Shinji smiled eagerly, feeling as if this was some sort of apology for how he'd been treated earlier that afternoon. "What's this all about?" he asked with a grin as he sat up on the chair and looked at her.

She couldn't look him in the eyes still, there were still somethings she needed to get over. Instead she shifter her gaze away from him and said "I'm going on a date with one of Hikari's friends". "Don't make me dinner ok?" she finished.

Shinji suddenly felt his pride had taken a hard hit, perhaps she intended for that. He too looked the other way and simply nodded and replied "fine".

Not gazing up at her, he quickly resumed his resting position and eventually heard the door shut behind him. He tried falling asleep again but it was fruitless, there was this burning sensation inside of him. He wanted to tear a hole on the wall, he was feeling.. Jealousy? No that couldn't be it, Asuka had been going on dates for a while now and he'd never been bothered by it. He sat up hesitantly and sighed. What was happening to him? Had he really begun to like her? It was pointless anyways; she didn't even see him as a friend, let alone anything more than that. It's not as if he cared or anything.. Did he?

Shinji rubbed the back of his neck. He wasn't just going to stay here and give her the benefit of his thoughts. He needed to calm down before he lost control of his urges and ended up destroying something in the apartment. Trashing her room seemed like a good idea at that very moment but instead; he opted to do something he hadn't done in a while.

He went to his room and uncased his cello. He marveled at it. It was the only thing he had left from his mother and while he wasn't an expert in playing; he certainly tried to do his mother's instrument justice and play to the best of his abilities. Contrary to what he had originally thought, the best thing his teacher had ever made him do was learn to play it. It was just so soothing playing melodies when they described the way you felt. Shinji quickly set up a chair near the balcony and sat down with his cello between his legs. In a matter of seconds a tune delightful to the ears began to flow from the cello as Shinji quickly moved his fingers over the stricken string and prepared for the next one. It was magical. He must've played for an hour before starting to feel his empty stomach start to growl and so; he stopped his fourth melody that night and placed everything in its respective place before heading to the kitchen. He swiftly prepared a delicious meal for Misato and himself. Knowing fully that Asuka enjoyed meat, he opted to cook just that. This was an attempt to show her what it was to want something and not being able to have it, call it revenge if you will. Before he could forget it; he also gave pen-pen his food and then silently sat down on the empty table to eat alone.

'I guess this isn't so bad..' he mused as he ate another piece of the roasted meat. 'I've always been alone… no reason to change now' He told himself mentally.

Despite saying that, he didn't believe a word of it. He hated being alone. It was the equivalent of not existing, not being recognized. He hated the fact that Asuka was with some guy he didn't know God knows where, doing God knows what. But most of all; he hated how she'd mocked him so senselessly about it. Did she have no compassion?

As Shinji finished eating and washed the dishes with some murmurs and complaints about her behavior, he realized he didn't want to sit here waiting for her to come back with a smirk plastered on her face, so; he hurriedly headed to his closet and changed into a more casual appearance, rather than the gritty looking school uniforms they were made to wear. All this before finally heading out the front door and leaving the echo of a door slamming hard against its frame behind him.

_**END: CHAPTER 1**_

* * *

_**AUTHOR'S NOTES**_

Well I haven't posted any new chapters lately, it's been like 3 months and I apologize. I know many author's here in fanfic somehow manage to study and post but I myself can't. I'm either completely submerged in studies or I'm 100% into writing or whatever else I do.

I had been meaning to clean up the mess I'd written since post-posting this chapter I soon realized many of its flaws. I'm proud to say that I have finally found my writing style, for those who've read all these chapters I'm sure you've seen the progress.

Anyways, nothing much has changed except as to how exactly Shinji dies and some of the encounters have more detail and are, if I do say so myself, an improvement to how they were written before.

For any new readers, please leave your constructive criticism in the review box down below, I appreciate it. Some praise would be welcome too. I kid, I kid. Good day to all of you, I hope the next update won't take as long.

_**Date of update - April 28, 2015 **_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Feelings

It was chilly outside, the moon could barely be seen through the dark clouds.

Shinji just kept walking, he didn't even mind the fact that it had just started raining. The setting matched his mood, which made it all more depressing. He was tired of thinking about Asuka, he was enraged at her obnoxious behavior, and at the same time, he couldn't help but envy her date.

He tightened his fists and put them into his jacket's pockets. He had been walking a while and was now entering Tokyo-3's central park. He loved walking by the park, it was always so tranquil.

As followed the main path he soon came up to a bench, he decided to sit a while and ponder about his feelings. When he sat down across the path was a couple, they were kissing quite passionately, and he couldn't help but stare at them.

It was strange seeing them devour each other in a public place, but then again it was raining, who else would watch them.

He recalled the last time he had kissed Asuka, it was the night Misato went drinking with Kaji.

Asuka had asked him "Shinji I'm bored, want to kiss me?".

Shinji gazed at her confused and asked "you want to kiss me because you're bored?".

After a few insults from the red head, she finally convinced him to do so. At first he was thrilled at the thought of kissing her, even if it was only out of boredom.

However as their lips drew near each other, nothing happened. Instead Asuka made a smug remark.

"Hey! Your breathing is tickling me! Stop breathing!" she said smugly.

"Wha-" was all Shinji managed to say before she plucked his nose and kissed him.

Even now he still laughed a little at the shared experience. He wondered if she would kiss her date today, he hoped not.

Shinji had been staring at the couple for a while now, he was invisible to them, in their world all that existed was each other and nothing else, not even the rain.

He saddened when he imagined Asuka with the other boy and stared kept staring at the couple, envying their mutual feelings to each other.

'What fools, they're just deceiving each other' he thought.

"Idiots" he murmured as he kept walking.

As Shinji exited the park he had no destination in mind, he just walked along areas where he saw crowds of people. He thought it would help him forget the fact that he felt alone, and it was intriguing to see how all the people he passed by were smiling, or laughing, however after a miniscule amount of time it started to sicken him.

Shinji couldn't stand their happiness, or maybe he just envied them, he wasn't sure. Maybe it's because he realized that despite being surrounded by all those people, he knew he was still alone, alone meaning he had no one to confide in, that the one person he had thought would be his pillar, turned out being a bulldozer. He just wanted to get away from them, and so little by little, at some point Shinji was alone again.

The rain had stopped pouring, but Shinji was already soaking wet, every time he took a step it was like he stepped in a puddle inside his shoe, it was quite annoying to say the least.

As Shinji made his way through a barren street a breeze started to pass by, he shivered down to his bones. He enjoyed seeing the street empty, he felt like he was the last person on earth.

'This is better' he thought and continued walking.

Shinji had walked for quite a while, his feet were sore and his legs ached. He thought that maybe it was time to go home, but shortly afterwards he began to think about Asuka and refused to go back, at least not today.

Shinji was getting near Rei's apartment and thought it convenient to spend the night there, maybe she could give him some dry clothes, although he doubted it. He walked up to the building and stood near the stairs, he looked around and saw the state of decay the building was in. There was garbage everywhere, the lights were flickering, there was even a homeless man sleeping under the stair case.

Despite it not being the first time he had been here, it never ceased to amaze Shinji how Rei managed to live in a place like this. He jumped a little when the homeless man shifted in his cardboard bed, watching him made Shinji recall his homeless days.

'It could be worse for me…' he thought as he stared at the homeless man.

Shinji didn't mind sleeping on the streets, he had done so a few times, one of those being when he ran away from Misato's apartment. He had been out for nearly a week, in that time, he had to sleep wrapped around cardboard in alleyways to prevent himself from freezing to death.

Shinji at the time had money saved up, so he never went a day with the feeling of starvation, the man in front of him however, it seemed like he hadn't eaten in ages.

'There's nothing I can do, all the stores are closed' he thought as he kept looking at him.

He soon broke out of his gaze and made his way up the stairs, he hadn't noticed the entirety of how tired his legs were, it was when he began climbing the stairs that he realized, his legs felt heavy and worn out, they were begging him to stop walking.

'Asuka's running this morning, the track practice and the mindless walking have taken their toll on me' thought the boy.

With time and effort, Shinji managed to reach Rei's floor, he slowly walked over to her door and remembered the last time he had been there.

'I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't open' he though gloomily as he knocked on the door.

There was no answer.

"I thought so.." he said as he stood there a frown forming on his face.

After about a minute he sat down next to the door and leaned his head against the wall. It had been a long day, and for some reason he kept thinking of her, even after all she had done to him.

He knocked again and waited.

Still there was no answer. He decided to go ahead and see if the door was open.

'Voila!' the door had no lock. As he stepped inside he called out for his friend.

"Rei? Rei you in here?" he asked cautious of not tripping over anything on the floor.

After inspecting the whole apartment he realized she wasn't there.

'How strange.. Where else would she be?' the boy questioned himself.

'Oh well, I hope she doesn't come back until tomorrow' the boy thought as he began taking off all his wet clothes.

He was a bit tired, and the floor wasn't exactly comfortable, he would have slept in her bed but it somehow felt rude. Not that breaking into her apartment wasn't already rude but it seemed worse if she walked in and caught him sleeping on her bed.

'I don't want any problems' he thought to himself.

As Shinji started to feel the need for rest intensifying he closed his eyes, it was but a matter of seconds before he dozed off into the cold night.

_**The next morning**_

The sun was coming into view, its light making the city shine. Tokyo-3 was quite a sight in the mornings as the buildings came out of their armored bunkers and made the city's skyline grow.

Shinji was still profound asleep on Rei's apartment floor, he would usually be up and about to school with Asuka at around this time, but today his body just continued resting.

Shinji woke up later in the morning when a patch of sunlight managed to reach his eyes. As he awoke from his deep slumber he couldn't help but feel a bit dizzy, his head was experiencing the strongest migraine he ever had and his nose was also stuffed, he figured he had caught a cold of some sort, after all he did spend the majority of the night walking around in soaked clothes, and he had slept with his damp boxers.

Shinji thought it best to leave before Rei showed up. He wondered where she had spent the night, this was her home after all. He thought that perhaps she might have been with his father.

"Father…" he said despicably.

His clothes were now dry, he got up groggily to put them on. His body felt really weak, as he analyzed his condition he remembered something Kensuke had said. "You look like a tractor ran you over" Kensuke had told him.

Shinji smiled a little at the thought and said "I feel like it too".

As soon as he was ready he exited the apartment, but not before leaving Rei a note of gratitude and also his sincerest apologies for intruding in her space.

Shinji walked down the stair case to the first floor, he was leaving the complex, but he decided to glance back at where the homeless man had been sleeping.

He was gone now, but his cardboard bed was still there.

'I guess this is his home' he thought to himself as he turned back around and continued walking away.

During some point of his walk back home, Shinji started to feel a fever running through his body, he felt awful. He had to sit down for a while to recuperate some strength. He noticed the day was beautiful, or it seemed like it anyways, there were no dark clouds anywhere.

If yesterday's climate matched his mood, today did as well, he had forgotten all about Asuka and her obnoxiousness, and despite having that bitter cold, he couldn't help but feel happy, he didn't know why but he embraced it anyways.

He finally stood up, and continued his journey to his apartment.

It was a challenge for Shinji getting to apartment, during his walk back he had to rest periodically when his migraine and fever would intensify, making what was a thirty minute walk, elongate to an hour or so.

When he finally reached his apartment building he smiled a little.

'This is my home!' he thought to himself.

'It's also her home..' said another voice in his head that he chose to ignore.

He walked towards the door and opened it. There was dead silence in the apartment, his guess was that neither Asuka or Misato were home. As he entered he couldn't help but notice the mess in the kitchen.

'I guess that was Misato's try at making breakfast' he thought as a smile formed on him.

Shinji looked around the apartment, and confirmed its solace. He made an imaginary list of what he would do.

'First I'll bathe with a hot shower, then I'll take some meds for the migraine, fever and something to clear up my nose, third I'll make some food for me and pen-pen, and after I'm done I'll take a nap'.

Shinji entered the bathroom and undressed, he suddenly felt frail and cold, not liking these sensations he turned the valve to let the hot water spray out the faucet. It was rare for him to take a hot shower, since Asuka always wasted the hot water in the heater, and if he ever wasted it, she would abuse him physically and verbally non stop all day.

'Doesn't she do that anyways?' he thought.

Shinji's symptoms were becoming worse, his migraine and fever were both becoming stronger and his nose was completely clogged, he quickly finished his shower and got dressed into his sleeping attire.

Shinji headed towards the kitchen and grabbed a hold of whatever medicine he could find, after reading them all carefully he took an Advil for the migraine and a Dolex for the fever and stuffy nose.

After organizing the kitchen, Shinji managed to make some scrambled eggs for him and pen-pen, which he hadn't seen around since he got home.

Shinji left pen-pen's food served and finished his meal. He headed towards the bathroom to brush his teeth, and locked the door behind him as he entered. He looked at himself in the mirror, he was pale and had dark circles under his eyes. He didn't really mind the appearance, he just finished his business in the bathroom and headed towards his room.

Shinji was inside his room, when he heard rustling movements coming from the hall way. He peered out and saw pen-pen, he had something in his beak though.

Shinji looked closer at it seemed like a woman's undergarments.

"Oh crap! It's Asuka's panties!" he sheered at the bird.

"Hey! You can't have those!" yelled Shinji as he ran towards the bird.

However pen-pen was quite fond of these panties, and he certainly wasn't about to loose them. So the bird started running from Shinji.

"Hey! Pen-pen! Come on! You're going to get me into trouble" he reasoned with the bird.

However the bird ignored his pleas. It was a spectacle, the bird had ran around the house avoiding being captured by the boy. Despite his efforts pen-pen found himself cornered at some point during the chase, Shinji had him in his room and he was an easy prey.

Shinji lunged for the panties and managed to grab on one end of them, however pen-pen staring pulling. Both contestants were pulling furiously for Asuka's panties, neither willing to let go of the undergarments. Finally pen-pen considered it too much work and let go of his end, sending Shinji flying back into his desk and collapsing on the floor unconscious with Asuka's panties on his hand.

_**Meanwhile at school**_

Asuka had been drifting in and out of her thoughts all morning, she recalled what she had said to Shinji the day before and felt a bit of remorse. She realized that he wasn't a bad guy, he was just and idiot who liked a girl who was way out of his league.

'That idiot didn't even come home last night' she thought as she considered the possible whereabouts of said idiot.

'He could've stayed with one of the two stooges, but which one?'.

'I'll just have to ask them later if they've seen him' she noted to self.

Hikari had noticed her friend's mood today and had a gut feeling it had to do with her date last night, however knowing Asuka's temper she decided not to pester her with questions during class, instead she would catch up with her friend during lunch break.

"Asuka, I need to talk to you during lunch break" she whispered to her.

Asuka grinned, questioning Hikari's motives but finally accepted "ok, but what about?" she asked her friend.

"Don't worry, we'll talk later" said Hikari smiling at her.

"Fine.." Asuka replied hesitantly.

The remainder of the class was pretty dull, most of the things being taught here she already knew. Perhaps this was the reason why she didn't enjoy school, because it wasn't a real challenge.

Asuka wanted to go home early, maybe Shinji was already back, not that she cared, she just wanted to see him, so she could punch him for not being able to make her breakfast and lunch in the morning.

As lunch break rolled in Asuka glanced at the back of the room hoping to find Shinji's moronic friends. 'Bingo!' she thought as she saw the two rejects gagging over some girls out in the track.

"Hey neanderthals!" she yelled from across the classroom at the pair in the back.

"What do you want demon!" replied Touji furious for being distraught from his daily peepshow.

"Do you know where Shinji is?" she asked ominously.

"How should we know you're the one that lives with him" replied Kensuke.

"Yeah, and why do you care anyways?" said Touji mockingly.

"I don't care! Misato made me ask!" she said as rage was covering her face.

"Relax both of you" said Kensuke trying to calm both of them down.

"The truth is we really don't know" he finished.

Asuka gave a slight look of worry which was at an instant noticed by both idiots.

"Worried about little Shinji are we?" they said mocking her facial expression from a few moments earlier.

"Ughh! You two are absolute idiots! Why did I even bother to ask you!?" she hollered as she walked outside the classroom slamming the door behind her.

"What's with the demon today?" Touji asked Kensuke.

"I don't know, there is something weird going on here…" said Kensuke adjusting his glasses.

"And I'm going to get to the bottom of it" he finished as they both smirked.

Outside the classroom the red head was with her back against the wall thinking about that moron.

'**Baka** Shinji.. Could something bad have happened to you?' She worried a little and crossed her fingers hoping wherever he was, he was ok.

She couldn't believe she was worrying for such a scoundrel but she then concluded that it was because she needed him 'I have to worry.. if he was gone, who would make my food?' her mind stated trying to hide any sort of feelings for the boy.

She saw a boy who looked like Shinji a little across the hallway, her heart nearly skipped a beat.

'Oh thank God it's him' she thought as she approached him.

"Hey Shin-" she stopped when she turned the boy and realized it wasn't him.

"Hey Asuka" said the boy thrilled to see her talking to him.

"Beat it jerkoff!" she shouted at him.

She was trying to hide her disappointment as the boy walked away in shame.

"Stupid Shinji" she whispered.

"Who?" asked Hikari who had walked up to Asuka unnoticed.

"Ahh! Ermm… No one" said Asuka jumping a little from the surprise.

Hikari looked at her strangely but then made conversation.

"Sooo?" she asked intrigued.

"Sooo what?" Asuka replied.

"Weeell? How was it? You need to tell me everything!" she demanded excitedly.

"The date? It was God awful, the guy's a total idiot!" she said in a bickering tone.

"Oh" was all Hikari managed to say after her smile turned into a frown.

"Well, what happened?" she asked.

"I don't know, it's the way he was, and what he wasn't" Asuka replied thinking 'he wasn't Shinji'.

Her friend read her mind almost immediately.

"Oh so you wanted more of a Shinji type?" said Hikari teasing her.

"What! How could you say that Hikari!?" she howled at Hikari.

"Ok, ok, calm down I was just joking" Hikari said nervously.

"Good! I don't want to hear that kind of nonsense again" said the red head irritated.

"Ok... Hey! Did you hear?" Hikari asked her friend with an 'I know something no one else does' look.

"Hear what?" asked Asuka intrigued at the information she was about to receive thinking maybe it was about Shinji.

"I think that girl with the ponytails from 2-B likes Shinji!" she asked.

"Isn't that great Asuka?" finished Hikari.

Asuka frowned a little, but said "I thought no one would be blind enough to like him" thinking 'except me' as she finished her statement.

"What! No! He's a real charmer! He's just so different from all the other guys" Hikari stated.

"Hey! I thought you liked the jock!" Asuka roared at her friend.

"Asuka! Shut up!" said Hikari blushing as she looked around to see if anybody had heard.

"What's wrong with you!?" hissed Hikari.

"Ughh nothing, it's just that I thought you were going to say something more interesting is all…" Asuka said as she began to think 'He's mine… I won't let her take him'.

They were both silent for a couple of seconds. Asuka was the one to break the silence.

"So is she pretty?" she asked trying to look uninterested.

"Well…" began Hikari "Uh.. well.. She's kind of pretty" at this Asuka shot her a look that made her shiver.

"Bu… but not as pretty as you Asuka!" she retorted trying to not make her angrier.

"Well I don't think Shinji would be interested in her anyways.." she said.

"Yeah right…" murmured Hikari sarcastically.

"What was that!?" Asuka shouted nearly leaving Hikari deaf.

"Uh.. that it's late! We should eat our lunches!" babbled Hikari trying to cover up.

They both talked for a little while, and then proceeded to eat their lunches. Since Asuka didn't have one today Hikari shared half of hers. They laughed at the idea of Shinji being with a girl and soon afterwards the bell rang.

"Hey Hikari I have a sync test today so I have to go early" the red head lied.

"Oh, ok Asuka good luck" said Hikari as she entered the classroom.

"Thanks for sharing!" said Asuka grateful to her friend.

"No prob.!" shouted Hikari from inside the classroom

As Asuka exited the school her mind was twirling, she was shocked at her friend's revelation that a girl was interested in Shinji. It baffled her, she never thought it possible.

It didn't matter though, because Shinji liked her, her alone, and nothing would ever change that, would it?

'Perhaps I've been too mean, I mean… how must've he felt yesterday when I told him I was going on a date..' her eyes started gleaming as they got watery.

'Damn it! Why is it so hard for me to accept that I feel something for him' she thought as the tears started dropping one by one.

Asuka had always pushed people away, she did it to protect herself from being hurt. This boy had changed things, the more she pushed him away, the more she seemed to hurt in his absence. She was tired of being so arrogant, but she was afraid, afraid of him, somehow he was getting through her deepest barriers.

It frightened her, to let him near, to let him close, she was so tempted to do so, but in the end she never caved.

Yesterday he showed her he really cared, that made her smile a little, but it didn't keep the tears from coming out.

By the time Asuka got home, she had cried herself out, it was a strange thing, to be this influenced by that idiot. Either way she was eager to see if he was already home.

"Home sweet home" she said.

She knew the minute she entered he was back, how? Well the kitchen was clean, who else would clean it but the maid of the house, Shinji.

Asuka placed her backpack on the kitchen table and walked silently towards Shinji's room. His door was open, and she saw him there lying on the floor. She actually liked seeing him sleep, he looked different she couldn't tell what it was but she liked it.

She was happy he was back and almost got down to hug him but then she recalled the restless night she had worrying about him and whereabouts and whatever hint of happiness she was showing, quickly turned into anger.

"What are you stupid!? You had us worried sick!" she remarked at the unconscious Shinji.

Shinji's cold mixed with the hard impact from the table, had left him in an unconscious state that seemed like it was going to last a few more hours. So at the sound of Asuka's shouting his body just turned around and faced a different direction.

Asuka was left in shock, he just ignored her! How could he!

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" she said as she kneel down and shook him violently.

They boy shivered and began to hyperventilate, and he still hadn't woken up.

Asuka was left confused, she put her hand over his forehead and noticed he was burning up. This worried her, she ran out to the bathroom and grabbed the nearest towel, soaked it, and brought back to place on his forehead.

"Uggh! Figures you do something stupid like get sick and I have to take care of you.." she said warmly to him.

She thought it better for Shinji to rest on his bed with some covers. She took the covers and left them on the table and got close to Shinji ready to pick him up. As she was about to lift him up she noticed he had some sort of cloth in his right hand.

She slowly reached for it, it seemed familiar. She grabbed the cloth, pried it free of his hand and began unfolding it, her jaw dropped as she realized it was one of her used panties. She was enraged.

"What the hell! You're such a pervert! Even when you're sick!" hollered Asuka at the boy who yet again just turned to face another direction.

"I can't believe you.. You really are a sick bastard" she finally said as she shook her head.

"You're going to get better Ikari!" she demanded "and then I'm going to kick your ass!"

She proceeded to place him on his bed, it was good Shinji didn't weight so much, otherwise it would've been impossible for her.

She covered him in three layers of covers, fixed his pillow and placed a new moist towel on his forehead.

She sat down next to Shinji in the end of the bed where his head was. She placed her palm on his neck to see how his fever was doing. It had dropped exponentially, she was glad he was getting better.

Asuka noticed the bruises he had on his eyes 'you left me no choice idiot, you were being a pervert' she thought while she caressed his face.

"I was worried about you baka" she whispered as she looked at him.

Asuka noticed the room had gotten hot, for some reason being near him had her all worked up. Her breaths were slow and heavy as she kept looking at the boy. For a split second the idea of kissing him crossed her mind, it was a pleasant thought.

She lowered her head in front of his and felt his breath on her lips, almost immediately she felt a shiver run down her spine.

She was biting her lips anxious to taste him and got closer to him, their lips separated by a thin strand of air.

'Not like this' her mind said as he got up hesitantly from the bed.

Asuka's hearth was beating really fast and she felt awfully hot, so much so she had started sweating 'how can that idiot make me feel like this?' she questioned herself.

Asuka felt the need to cool down, so she headed towards the kitchen. She figured Shinji would be starving when he woke up, so she was willing to make him something to eat.

Granted Asuka wasn't the greatest cook, she was still making her best effort, she was using pen-pen to see if the flavor was right or to see if the food was even edible, however after a while the bird had disappeared leaving no trace behind.

'My cooking can't be that bad, can it?' she thought as she finished Shinji's meal.

A yawn was heard through the whole apartment as Asuka finished cooking. Shinji had finally woken up.

Shinji opened his eyes, everything was blurry. He saw the figure of a girl approaching him with what seemed like a bowl.

He started sitting up, but let out a groan as he fell back into the embrace of his warm bed. The figure started laughing at his failed attempt. He recognized that laughter anywhere.

As Shinji's eyes adjusted to the afternoon light, he saw her, she was radiant and he had to let her know.

"You look nice today Asuka" he said smoothly making her cheeks turn a bit pink.

"Today!? What do you mean today!? Are you saying I look bad the other days!?" she hazed as she glared at him.

"Uh.. ah.. Well see.. I meant.." he managed to say, looking like a complete idiot.

"Relax **dummkopf**, I was just joking" she said serenely.

"Oh" he said before chuckling a little "you really got me there Asuka".

There was an awkward silence between them, Asuka soon shattered it though.

"So how are you feeling?" she asked him.

"Well my migraine is gone, but my body feels really sore, I think it's the fever" he replied.

'Why is she acting so nice?' he thought.

"Here let me see" said Asuka before setting the bowl on the table and placing her palm on his neck.

At the touch of her hand, he felt his body stimulate, her touch felt pleasant. He didn't know what it was about it, it just made him quiver. He blushed a little, and looked away to conceal it.

Asuka noticed and asked him "what's wrong Shinji?".

This was it, she was going to get her revenge! she thought thrilled.

"Uh… It's nothing.. It's the fever" he replied.

Shinji's heart was pounding faster and faster as the red head began to get closer to him.

"Does this feel good Shinji?" she asked as her hand started sliding down his chest.

"Asuka… What are.. What are you doing?" he muttered in confusion and pleasure.

"You want me to stop great Shinji?" she said smirking.

'Great Shinji? That doesn't seem like Asu-' his thoughts being detained by her touches.

"No" he said mesmerized by the feeling.

Asuka had him right where she wanted, now it was time to make him suffer for leaving and for taking her panties.

Asuka turned the boy's head around and looked right into his eyes.

"Close your eyes Shinji I've got a surprise for you" she said seductively.

Shinji did as he was told, he closed his eyes and waited. It was strange he had originally thought Asuka was going to mop the floor with him, however he never expected this, it was perfect.

'Too perfect' he thought as he opened his eyes.

Asuka's hand had already reached his cheek when he opened them, it tingled at first, then he felt the pain growing. The sting became more intense as he realized she had given him the hardest slap he had ever experienced.

"Owww! You crazy bitch!" he shouted at her in pain.

"That's for leaving yesterday! Not that I give an ounce of a fuck about you!" she said furious.

She took impulse and slapped him again in the other cheek.

*wicher is german for wanker

"And that's for being a dirty **wicher** and taking my panties! Freak!" she finished.

The boy's mood had been torn to shreds. One minute he was feeling great, and thought he was finally going to be able to kiss her again. The next, he had both hands on his cheeks swearing at the red headed German who had struck him out of nowhere.

"Ugghh you know what this is why I left! I've had it with your constant abuse!" Shinji screamed at her.

"Maybe if you would grow a spine and stopped being such a pervert I wouldn't treat you like this!" she exclaimed.

"Ohhh please! Get over yourself! Like I would want your panties!" he shouted, he was starting to feel dizzy again.

"Then why did you have them in your hand! Just admit that you're a sick bastard!" she hoarse.

"Well maybe if I didn't have Babylon's biggest whore in my house I wouldn't be such a sick bastard!" he said loudly as everything was becoming fuzzy.

"What the fuck did you call me!?" Asuka roared as both her fist tightened.

"You heard m-" Shinji said before loosing consciousness again.

"Nooo! Wake up **baka**! I'm not done with you Ikari!" she shouted at the boy who just turned to face another direction.

"**Scheisse**!" she screamed as she took her bowl with soup and left the room.

_**Some time later**_

It was around midnight when Shinji woke up, his head was throbbing and he was starving, his stomach rumbled as he sat up on the bed to look around. He remembered a bit of what had elapsed earlier in his room, he felt ashamed of what he had said.

'Babylon's biggest whore?' he chuckled at that, he knew it was serious but it made him laugh, still he had to apologize to her.

After enough reminiscing he got up from his bed and walked to the kitchen, there he found a complete mess. 'Damn it.. I cleaned this morning too' he thought shaking his head at the sight.

On the kitchen counter was the bowl Asuka had brought him, there was a plate on top of the bowl covering it from any mosquitoes. Curious to see the contents of said bowl he took the plate off and saw what seemed to be a stew or soup of some sort.

'Had Asuka made that for me?' he thought to himself.

He grabbed a spoon, the bowl and headed to the living room. It had been a while since he watched some television, however it's not like he enjoyed watching it either, there were some really fucked up shows in Misato's cable provider to say the least.

Shinji took a sip of the soup, at first he was hesitant to do so, since Asuka didn't necessarily excel in cooking like she did in piloting. He was quite surprised that it had such a good taste, he needed to get the recipe from her.

After Shinji was done eating and being traumatized by the television, he decided to clean the kitchen again since he didn't have to worry about waking up early tomorrow, it being Saturday and all.

It was a kind gesture of Asuka to make him that soup, but couldn't she have cleaned the mess she had made in the kitchen too!? It was always him that ended up cleaning everything, everything except Asuka's room, she didn't like him snooping around in there.

Shinji started with the dishes, then the garbage around the table and finally he swept and mopped the floor. It took him a while but he was done, and he wasn't entirely tired enough to sleep yet, after all, he had slept all day.

Shinji glanced at Asuka's room, her door was slightly slid open, he thought maybe this was his best bet at apologizing without her beating him to a pulp, but he recalled what happened the other day and was discouraged.

'Ughh.. What do I do?' his mind asked.

After a few moments of decision making he made up his mind.

"Well… We all die sooner or later" he said to himself as he smirked.

Shinji walked over to her room, trying to be as quiet as possible. When he got there, he slowly slid the remainder of the door open, done this he glanced at her to make sure she was still sleeping.

Asuka was sleeping profoundly as Shinji entered her room. The boy watched his step making sure to not step on any pointy objects, or anything that would make a sound.

Shinji walked through her garbage filled room and made it to her bed, it was quite the odyssey, he stood there silently contemplating her beauty, she looked different when she was sleeping, she looked peaceful, but he enjoyed her temper, it's what made her who she was.

Shinji caressed her hair, she looked quite cute. Even when she wasn't trying to look pretty, the red head managed to pull it off.

Shinji was nervous, he had no idea how to start, but he was determined to do so. He laid down next to her and stared at her, unfortunately he was facing her back. However that wasn't going to stop him, he wanted to make things right.

Shinji moved his head a bit closer to hers so she could hear him.

"Asuka I'm sorry for what I said earlier, I didn't mean any of that" he whispered to her ear.

He was in awe when the red head shifted positions and began to face him, it seemed she was still sound asleep though.

Shinji didn't like being so close to her, it made him feel strange things, and he found himself fighting urges he would normally not even consider.

For one, he wanted to cover her body with his, he wanted to feel her skin come into contact with his, it was all so strange to him.

Shinji was now breathing heavy, trying to focus on the reason he had come here.

"Asuka… Will you forgive me?" he asked her softly as his hand moved up to remove some strands of hair that were covering her face.

The red head still asleep said "yes" and snuggled up to him.

"Whaa.. What are you doing Asuka?" he asked as his body tensed up surprised at her reaction.

There was no response from her. Shinji actually felt comfortable in his current state and decided to relax his body, and it's not like he didn't enjoy the feeling of having her curled up to him, because he did, he very much enjoyed it.

Shinji stayed awake for a while, he hadn't the need for sleep, but he still didn't want to move from his current position, he liked being there with her, even if it made him feel uneasy at times when he started to think about touching her.

As the night prolonged slowly but surely, the boy began to fall into a world of slumber.

Author's notes: I had trouble with one scene in this chapter, the one where Asuka and Shinji fight, I re-wrote it about 10 times, that's why the publish date had to be moved until today and it wasn't yesterday as I had stated to some of you before.

I appreciate any review, like the description says it's my first work of literature and I'm just getting the hang of this.

Good night everyone and Chapter 3 will probably be up by Tuesday night, if not Wednesday morning.

Yours truly,

JCM


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 Rejection &amp; Regret

It was dark and eerie, the oxygen he inhaled was thick and tainted the scent with smoke and blood. Shinji made his way through the chasm, using his palms and the end of his fingers as guides through the darkness.

He soon came upon one of the many sides of said chasm and followed it endlessly looking for a way out.

Shinji continued his never ending journey until he was stunned and blinded by a shimmering light coming from his left. The light was so intense it lit up the entire chasm, it was massive. Shinji smiled as it appeared that his journey was finally over and began walking towards the light.

Shinji got closer to the light, it was blinding yet it inflicted peace and tranquility, somehow he felt his problems dissuading with each step he took. A faint cry was heard throughout the chasm, it was a woman's cry.

Shinji didn't make out who the woman was, but whoever she was it made him nauseous to hear her cries.

As Shinji looked away from the light to see where the sound was coming from, the chasm started morphing. The ground shook heavily as the walls that encrusted the chasm began to crush each other and were forced to make what seemed like a narrow cave with two paths to follow.

Shinji looked to his left where the shimmering light was and saw the peace and tranquility he'd always wanted, behind the light he saw something that intrigued him, it was a young woman, and she looked similar to Rei however the only real difference he could spot was the color of her hair.

The woman was holding a small boy in her arms, it would appear it was her son, soon afterwards a figure started approaching the woman, it was Gendo. The approaching man looked at the woman with passionate eyes, eyes Shinji had never seen before, and he proceeded to kiss her. Their lips met in passion as their as both their tongues battled over dominance.

'What? Gendo? Is that… Is that my mom?!' Shinji thought as he gazed at them.

The three of them were all smiling and they looked like a happy family, however that soon came to a halt. The woman kissed her child on the forehead one more time and handed him to Gendo.

"Take care of Shinji" she said to him as she let go of him.

Gendo's smile had dissuaded and the cold relentless eyes Shinji knew were back. The moment he had the boy in his arms he started vanish into thin air. As he dispersed the woman let out some tears and looked at Shinji.

"My son" she whispered.

"Mo.. Mom?" replied Shinji as his eyes leaked tears.

Shinji didn't question where he was, what he had seen, or why it was happening, all that mattered was that he would get to see his beloved mother again.

Shinji wiped the tears and made his way towards her. He took three steps forward and heard the faint cries again, similar if not identical to the ones he had heard earlier.

Shinji stopped as he looked to the other end of the newly formed cave. It was dark, it frightened him, but there was a faint light, it was similar to the one he had seen in the other end. The light was emerging from the silhouette of a girl crying, the light was more intense in her abdominal area.

Suddenly the crying stopped, the girl looked at him, a smile forming on her lips. It was Asuka.

_**The next morning**_

Shinji woke up covered in sweat, it had been another dream. He'd been having strange dreams for a few days now and they usually involved Asuka, however he didn't know what to make of them, so he just gave them no thought.

As his eyes adjusted to the morning light, Shinji looked straight at the ceiling, even though it was the same pattern around the whole house, he could still tell his and Asuka's apart.

Bored of staring, he tried to sit up but found it effortless as he realized that he couldn't move his right arm or legs, curious to see the cause he glanced down and found a red headed girl sleeping happily on top of him.

The girl's head was on his chest and she was using both her arms as pillows and anchors to keep him from moving, not only that but her right leg extended across to keep his legs tied down as well. Shinji had never had a girl sleep on him like this, but he liked the feeling, and he enjoyed it even more since it was Asuka.

Shinji looked at her chiseled face and caressed it, she was truly beautiful. Moving the end of his fingers through her hair he started to delve in thought.

Shinji was glad she had no nightmares and had snuggled with him, but he was also worried about what her reaction would be when she woke up, he didn't want her to misinterpret the situation.

For a moment Shinji thought about sneaking off, but his plan was foiled the second he made a slight movement and Asuka involuntarily grabbed onto him tighter, so Shinji having no other choice was forced to wait it out.

He tried falling back asleep but was unsuccessful, his body had simply slept too much already, it was weary of resting. Shinji didn't mind it though, he just kept caressing Asuka without hesitation.

As time elapsed more sunlight creased its way into the room showing the messy wasteland it truly was. Shinji looked around shocked as he asked himself how it was possible for Asuka to live under in these conditions.

'Hasn't she ever heard of cleaning?' he pondered.

'If she let me, I cou-' Shinji's thoughts were broken up by a yawn coming from the red head.

Asuka's eyes meekly opened and looked around, everything was fuzzy. Last night had felt strange, she hadn't slept that well since, well… since ever. Hesitant to get up she closed her eyes and tried to fall back asleep.

Shinji stayed silent as anxiety ran through his whole body. He had begun to worry as the girl moved around on top of him but luckily she didn't become conscious of his presence.

Asuka noticed her bed felt different, it was softer, and over all more comfy. She squirmed around a bit to get into a better position and while in due process she heard a moan coming from beneath her, however she didn't pay too much attention to it and continued trying to sleep.

Shinji had felt uneasy again, Asuka's squirming was making him feel strange, he was experiencing the same heat from yesterday as she made friction with him. Every time she moved, he felt an extraordinary kind of pleasure he had previously never felt from anyone other than himself, he couldn't help but let out a dim moan as she finally settled.

'My bed just moaned' she thought as loach consumed her and focused back on sleeping.

'Wait a minute… My bed just moaned!' she finally processed after a few seconds.

She opened her eyes with haste and sat up quickly to find a blushing Shinji underneath her.

Asuka noticed she had been rubbing against his groin and her cheeks turned light pink momentarily. Though she would never admit it to him or anyone else, surpassing her disgust was a feeling of flattery at seeing Shinji moan in pleasure because of her, it somewhat boosted her ego.

'What's the **baka** doing in my room? And why am I on top of him?! ' she questioned herself.

Asuka stared at the boy confused, she wanted to beat him senseless, she was sure that there was some tainted meaning behind the situation she was in, but still, she also wanted to kiss him relentlessly.

The boy looked recovered from his illness, she was pleased to see that. There were a wide variety of emotions coursing through her, and the way she was sitting on him wasn't helping.

Asuka felt warm and moist between her thighs, and every time she moved the slightest she couldn't help but shudder a little. Why was he making her experience this? And why did it feel so pleasant?

Shinji was breathing slowly and trying to think of anything but Asuka, having her on top of him made him feel good, she felt really warm, every time she moved the least, he felt that pleasure again.

Both of them stared at each other as the room became hotter, and the air became saturated as their inhalations deepened.

Asuka couldn't think straight, to her that fact that she was enjoying this was appalling! She had to put a stop to this.

"Wha… What are you doing in my bed you perverted freak!" she yelled.

The blushing boy found it hard to communicate properly as the red head pinned down his arms.

"Asuka!… It's not… errr… It's not what you think" he barely managed to say.

She raised one arm and prepared her palm for a slap across his face. Shinji saw this and tried effortlessly to convince her other wise.

"Asuka wait! I can explain-" started Shinji as he felt the first of many slaps sting his cheek.

"Owww!" he groaned as he held his cheek "don't hit me! I'm tryi-" the red head slapped him again.

"Do you resolve everything with violence?!" Shinji asked furiously as he held his most recently impacted cheek.

"Oh I'm so sorry. I guess I should just lie here and let you rape me?! **Drecksau**!" she said indignantly as she slapped him again.

'I'm so sorry Shinji' she said mentality as she slapped him once more, it wasn't as hard as the others, but the sound resonated in the room.

Hearing the echo of the now distant slap made Asuka feel sick with herself, something in her had changed in the last few days. She wasn't enjoying hurting him like she did before, she felt revolted by her actions.

The boy and her had recently been getting closer, Asuka had actually started to care about him, something she really regretted but couldn't help.

Asuka's eyes glossed as fluid accumulated, tears were forming in their corners ready to be released.

Shinji felt the sting of the slap, but that wasn't what hurt him the most. From the corner of her left eye a tear had slid down her cheek. It saddened him, this wasn't at all what he wanted, he would've preferred the brutal beat down than see her shed a single tear.

'He's not doing anything! Why is he just looking at me!?' she asked frantically in her mind.

'I can't let him get through!' she screamed internally.

Asuka raised her hand to slap him again but stopped as the boy said something.

"I'm sorry Asuka, just… just please don't cry" he said regretfully as his eyes became watery.

With that avowal he had disarmed her, she didn't know what to do, it was like he knew exactly what to say to get into her head and make her feel confused all over again.

Asuka lowered her arm and brought both hands to her face, Shinji could see more tears sliding down her cheeks, but she did her best to conceal the matter.

Shinji didn't mind the physical abuse he had received but he was agonizing seeing her in distress. He sat up and embraced her in a hug but it was of no use, she kept hiding behind her hands.

"Asuka, I don't like seeing you like this" he said lowly, a few tears making their way down his cheeks.

Shinji slowly tried to remove her hands from her face to talk to her but an almost immediate rejection came as she pushed him back.

"Yeah right! Ohh! Poor miserable Asuka, I'm going to comfort her so she likes me" she ridiculed him as she wiped her tears.

"It's not like that at all Asuka" he said quietly.

"I care about you. Let me help yo-" the room became quiet as the sound of the slap overtook it.

Shinji didn't say anything, he was far too stunned. The slap had transcended physical pain, it penetrated him on an emotional level, he had exposed himself when he reached out to her and she had rejected him. Shinji's gaze was now empty, he felt lost, he didn't understand.

Did he miss something? Did he read the signs all wrong? Had he screwed up? All these questions running through his mind

Shinji had gotten rejected a second time by the same person and although she was right on top of him, he felt that loneliness from before all over again.

"Please get off me" he asked her trying to keep his voice from cracking.

Asuka didn't budge, she stayed on top of his lap staring at him unresponsive. Shinji was holding his tears back, but as time progressed he felt more and more build up and it was getting harder to contain them.

Shinji wasn't sure how much more he could take from her, he had known from the start this would cause him pain, but he didn't think it would feel this horrendous. Shinji felt betrayed, he felt he had been deceived by the person he had started to trust, but most of all he felt angry he should've known better than to trust someone.

Shinji's mind was in limbo, all he knew was that he had to leave that place behind, he had to escape that nightmare he was living.

Shinji pushed her off, got up and started heading towards the door, his back now being turned towards Asuka he set his tears loose. He concealed it pretty well but the occasional sniff was heard.

She was still in catatonic state as she looked at his figure walking away, inside her mind Asuka was engaged in a battle with herself.

'No don't leave me!' she begged him mentally.

'It's just better this way' a voice inside her replied.

'No it's not! I need him! I… I think I like him!' she shouted.

'You've become weak! This is why mom didn't love you! And you pick him of all people?! You disgust me!' the voice mocked.

'I'm not weak!' she hoarse.

'Are you that desperate for attention that you turn to him!?' a different voice confronted.

'Shut up!' she yelled.

'You need to focus on being a pilot! Not messing around with some idiot!'

'Bu… But he cares for me' she said.

'No he doesn't! No one cares about you but me!' the voice commented.

'And who are you?' she asked curiously.

'I am you, I am the great Asuka Langley Sohryu, remember me?' the voice asked.

'Yes' she replied.

'Of course you do, you're a shadow of what I once was!' the voice lectured her.

'It's… It's true, I've become weak' she finally thought in defeat.

'But I won't be weak anymore… I'll do what I have to' she finished.

'Good! Do it for both our sakes' the voice finished.

Asuka hesitated as she noticed him trying to hide the fact he was crying. She felt hatred building up towards herself for what she was about to do, but for her it was the better of two evils, it was this or something far worse in the future.

"Hey! Come back here **scheisskopf**!" Asuka yelled at him through anger as she crawled towards him and pulled one of his legs making him trip.

"Oww! Let me go!" he demanded as he struggled with the red head's hand on his leg.

Asuka held onto him tightly, she knew what she had to do. 'I'm so sorry Shinji! It's better for the both of us like this' she thought as she looked at him.

Shinji stopped struggling and looked away from her penetrating gaze, he didn't want her to see him crying. The boy wiped his face and began to restrain the tears again as he looked back at her.

Without wasting any time Asuka let go of his leg and crawled on top of him before he could even react. Her head moved closer as she whispered something in his ear.

"I… I hate you. There is no way…" she hesitated "There is no way a girl like me Woul… Would ever end up with someone like you" she said blankly while feeling a strange pain inside her.

Shinji had just been decimated, it's amazing what a few words can do to a man. His neck had tightened and he was finding it hard to breathe as he reviewed the words over and over in his mind.

'Why did she have to say that?!' he questioned his mind.

'Wasn't it enough she rejected me earlier?!' he asked grudgingly.

'Why!?' he thought as his frustration was building up.

'Why would you fucking say that to me?!' hate arising from the frustration.

'WHY!?' yelled a furious Shinji in his mind.

'I fucking hate YOU!' Shinji thought as he looked at her once more disgusted by her behavior.

He couldn't hold back anymore and let his tears out. She had crossed the line and he was starting to hate her sight, he was starting to hate her.

"Fine" he said in a quiet but irate manner as he shoved her off and got up.

Shinji walked towards the door and wiped his tears on the way, upon reaching it he then turned around and gave the red head a smirk.

"If you truly feel that way, I won't bother you anymore" he said smoothly and soon afterwards walked out the room.

As he walked out the room he slid the door shut, immediately afterwards he heard her discharge phrases in German he could only guess were insults aimed at him.

Shinji felt worse than how he did a few nights ago when Asuka had gone on a date with one of Hikari's friends. At least back then she hadn't crushed his feelings entirely, now the words she had said still haunted his thoughts and he felt a pit in the bottom of his stomach every time he recalled them.

Shinji stood behind her door for a couple of minutes thinking while some tears managed to find their way down his cheek, he didn't fully understand how such a lovely morning had turned out so destructive towards him. He didn't want to be around her, not anymore, he needed to leave.

Shinji walked into his room, stripped off the clothes he had on, got a towel and then headed into the bathroom. As he closed the door behind him he got a glimpse of himself on the mirror, both his cheeks had the imprints of hands on them and his left cheek also had a small cut, but it was nothing serious, at least compared to the emotional damage he had sustained.

After cleansing the wound, he took a cold shower. He got Goosebumps as the first drops of cold water made contact with his skin. It felt as if he had been dreaming the whole fight and the cold water was waking him up.

He stood inactive for a few minutes, letting the cold water coat him as his mind raced. He felt stupid, Asuka had been unapologetic with her words, and he still couldn't get her out of his mind. Despite her crushing his feelings, he cared for her but that didn't mean he was going to allow her hurt him any longer, the best thing he could do, was forget about her.

Shinji needed to be distracted to prevent further thinking of said topic. He proceeded to close the faucet, dry up and exit the bathroom.

When he stepped in the hallway he looked over at Asuka's room, it seemed every time they fought the hallway grew in length creating a void between them, a void Shinji had tried to close the very same morning but failed miserably.

After a moment, Shinji looked away from her room went straight into his to get dressed. Soon after he finished changing he saw the shirt and jean he'd wore when he first kissed Asuka. The sight angered him as mixed emotions started flowing through him again, not being able to stand it any longer he closed the closet, grabbed his SDAT, his wallet, his cell phone and headed out his room.

Shinji walked over to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and noticed a small note on the counter from Misato.

_Sorry guys had to leave early in the morning to finish some paperwork, I'll see you later. Don't do anything naughty!_

'Never going to happen, don't worry' he thought as he read the last part.

He shrugged at the note and left it on the counter before preparing a quick meal for himself and pen-pen. When finished he sat down by the kitchen table to eat, however his appetite had shrunk and he found himself staring at the food.

Shinji couldn't explain the sudden loss of appetite, this had never happened to him, but to be fair, he'd also never experienced a heart break either.

Shinji picked up his breakfast and placed it in the microwave oven, he also left a note on the kitchen table for Asuka.

_Asuka breakfast is in the microwave oven_

'No point in throwing out perfectly good food' he thought.

Shinji finished tidying up the kitchen and headed out, he stopped by the hallway to glance at Asuka's room one more time, there was no sound emanating from there.

'One day I'll be on the other end of the spear' he thought as he continued walking towards the front door.

Shinji left the apartment and headed of into the city, the streets were packed, he saw a lot of teens his age, even some from his school.

Shinji had been walking for around thirty minutes when he heard his phone ring. He pulled the device out his pocket and answered.

"Hello?" Shinji answered.

"Hey Shinji, what's up? Didn't see you at school yesterday, everything ok?" asked a voice he immediately recognized as Touji's.

"Yeah I was feeling a bit sick…" Shinji confessed.

"Oh I see, well are you doing something today?" his friend asked.

Shinji didn't know what to respond, he wasn't particularly enjoying walking around aimlessly, much less alone, but he wasn't sure he wanted his friends to see him in the state he was.

"Well I'm not sure, it's… complicated" Shinji responded.

"Listen Shinji there is a girl that's been asking about you, she's from 2-B, rumor is she likes you! Shinji you sly dog!" his friend said teasingly.

Shinji blushed at the thought, he wondered who it was.

"Oh… amm… well I… I don't know… I didn't think anyone liked me" Shinji said timidly.

"Nonsense! Listen she's going to be in the theaters by the mall today with some friends, we should go" his friend said trying to convince him.

"Errm… Listen… I do-" he mumbled.

"Is the Eva unit-01 pilot really chickening out?" Touji asked mockingly.

"What! No way!" he shouted.

"Really? Because that's what it seemed like for a second" he taunted.

"Fine I'll go…" Shinji said reluctantly.

"Great! We are all here now so hurry up!" Touji said joyfully.

"Wait what? You're already the-" Touji had hung up.

Shinji stayed motionless trying to recap what he had just gotten himself into, he was intrigued about the girl but why would she like him? And why was Touji already there? He figured it was some sort of prank, but anything was better than walking around depressed all day.

After a few seconds he shrugged and headed towards the mall.

_**Back at the apartment**_

Asuka had started pouring tears the minute she heard the front door close, she felt horrible about what she had said to Shinji, but she had convinced herself it was her only choice.

It took her a few minutes to stop sobbing, she didn't want to feel like this, but she knew it was temporary. Her idea was that if she pretended she didn't care in time she would indeed, not care, and thus the great Asuka Langley Sohryu would return as she originally was.

Not wasting anymore time sulking Asuka got on her feet and made her way to the bathroom. As she walked inside she noticed the garbage can filled with tissues covered in stains of blood.

'What a weakling' she thought and chuckled.

"Well, it only serves that perverted freak right. Hmpft!" she said out loud as she slid the door shut and undressed.

She stepped in the shower and turned the knob, suddenly a loud shriek was heard throughout the apartment building. Asuka's heart beat had increased as she cowered in a corner of the shower. The water was freezing cold.

"Shinji you IDIOT!" she screamed at the top of her lungs as she trembled.

Asuka stood idle in the corner trying to muster enough courage to jump in, she hated cold water, and her guess was that this had something to do with Shinji's revenge for breaking his heart.

Finally after a few minutes of internal debate, she felt ready to jump into the cold water. Another loud shriek was heard through the apartment.

A few minutes passed and Asuka didn't mind the cold water anymore, at first it had felt like needles pelting her skin, but now, it felt refreshing, like she was washing down her problems with the frosty water.

After a few minutes she turned the knob to close the faucet and stood there dripping wet thinking about him. She felt confused again, earlier she had convinced herself she was doing the right thing, now she wasn't so sure she had.

"Of course I did the right thing… I… I'm the great Asuka Langley Sohryu… I don't need him" she whispered doubtingly.

Asuka then looked at the basket with tissues covered in blood. She felt a little remorse for slapping so hard and lowered her head.

'I… I did what I had to do' her mind stated trying to comfort her.

Asuka now feeling reassured of her actions stopped worrying and dried herself up before exiting the bathroom. As she walked over to her room she snuck a peek at his and remembered how she had taken care of him the day before.

Asuka began to feel strange again and decided to look away, however it was far too late, she had already recalled how she felt when she had been so close to him, that warmth she felt, how her heart had started beating faster and how his lips had seem so tempting.

Asuka was feeling warm again, she clenched both legs as heat emanated from her private region.

'No! Stop it! He's a nobody!' she screamed in the inners of her head as she rejected everything she feeling.

Asuka needed to leave the house immediately, everywhere she looked there was something that reminded her of him. She quickly got dressed and called Hikari.

The phone rang several seconds before someone answered.

"Hikari?" said Asuka questioningly.

"Hey Asuka!" her friend answered happily as it was a rare thing for Asuka to call her.

"Hey Hikari" Asuka replied.

There was an awkward silence between the two.

"So…" Hikari started "can I help you with something Asuka?".

"Err… Yeah… Want to go to the mall or something?" she asked her friend.

"Sure! That'd be great" her friend said getting excited.

Asuka smiled as she heard her friend getting excited about going to the mall.

"Well how about we meet up in an hour?" Asuka said in friendlier voice.

"Alright, but where do you want to meet up?" her friend asked curiously.

"Hmmm… Let's meet by main fountain in centre of the mall" Asuka finished.

"Okay see you then Asuka!" Hikari said as she hung up.

Asuka put her phone down and heard a grumble from her stomach.

'**Scheisse** I'm starving' she thought as she headed towards the kitchen.

Asuka noticed something on the kitchen table as she entered the kitchen, it was a note.

_Asuka breakfast is in the microwave oven_

'Well at least he isn't completely useless' Asuka thought and smiled.

She headed to the microwave oven to get her breakfast and saw another note by the counter.

'What is this? Leave a note day… Geez' she thought frustrated as she read it.

_Sorry guys had to leave early in the morning to finish some paperwork, I'll see you later. Don't do anything naughty!_

The idea resonated in her mind and she started to feel hot again, in her mind there were all these images of him and her, doing things, things they shouldn't do.

"Stop it! You don't like him! He's a dork and a wimp!" she reminded herself by yelling loudly.

That being finished she took her breakfast out and ate. The food wasn't bad, but it definitely didn't live up to the standards Shinji had, still the red head ate it in less than a minute.

'Thank's for the **Scheisse** food Shinji…' she thought.

She left the plate in the sink and headed to the bathroom to brush her teeth, it took her about five minutes to finish readying up. Before leaving she took some money from Shinji's stash and said goodbye to pen-pen who was snoring on the sofa.

The Katsuragi residence was now void of all humans.

_**Meanwhile at the Tokyo-3 mall movie theaters **_

Shinji had been reluctant to come at first, a lot had happened that morning and he felt awful, however he saw this as a means to get his mind of the red head. She had been pretty clear there was no scenario where she and Shinji could be together and the more he thought about it, the more he was beginning to believe her.

It took him several minutes to get from the entrance of the mall to the movie theaters, but once he got there he couldn't find his friend Touji. As he roamed around the area looking for his friend Shinji heard someone call his name.

"Shinji over here!" shouted a girl.

Shinji quickly turned around and saw a girl by the entrance to the movie theaters. He swore he had seen her somewhere before, but wasn't sure where.

The girl's light green eyes glistened, and her bangs which were combed in order to partially conceal one eye swayed left and right as she drew near him.

Shinji found this girl to be extremely attractive, he found it hard to believe that he couldn't remember someone like her, it just didn't make any sense. The girl's gaze was firm and piercing, she didn't take her eyes off him for a second as she closed the remaining distance between them.

When she was finally close enough to him she greeted him, after all this whole time they had been staring at each other and not said a word.

"Hello Shinji Ikari, I've been dying to meet you" she said with a smile as Shinji blushed at her comment.

"Me?" He asked surprised.

"Yeah silly!" she responded and giggled "You're Tokyo-3's hero, everyone wants to meet you" she refined.

"Oh… Umm… Thank you" he said shyly.

"No, thank you Shinji, for doing what you do" she said placing her hand on his shoulder.

Shinji felt himself blush again "have… Have we met before?" he asked her trying no to sound rude.

"Oh forgive me! I'm Asami, I go to school with you and it was me that told Touji to invite you" she replied and giggled once more as she took her hand off him.

"Yeah, I knew I had seen you somewhere before" he confessed now feeling more comfortable to talk.

"I'm in 2-B, I see you most times during lunch break. You're always with that other pilot, the one with red hair" she added.

Shinji looked down as he remembered what she had told him that morning.

'I'll never be good enough for her, I just need to move on' he thought.

Asami had noticed his attitude changed when she mentioned Asuka but didn't say anything.

"So… do you know where Touji is?" Shinji said changing subjects.

"Yeah him and the rest entered to see a movie already" she replied ominously.

"Oh… How come you're still here?" Shinji asked curious to know.

"You ask silly things, I was waiting for you Shinji" Asami said and her cheeks turned pinkish.

Shinji found it difficult to reply, and he was pretty sure his cheeks were rose colored too but finally after a few seconds of timid stares and blushed cheeks Shinji broke the silence.

"Well, I'm here now" he said smiling.

"You sure are! Come on let's go inside!" Asami said eagerly as she grabbed his hand and led him inside the theater.

As they approached the ticket line, Shinji noticed the movies on display. There wasn't particularly anything that interested him, so he gave Asami the pick.

"So what do you have in mind?" Shinji asked the beautiful brunette next to him.

"Well… I like the horror film about the haunted mirror, it seems intriguing" she responded sincerely.

"Ok let's watch that one then" Shinji replied smiling.

It took them about five minutes to get their tickets and another ten to get some refreshments, Shinji having not eaten breakfast that morning ate most of his snacks as they walked to their screening room.

Upon entering their screening room they noticed that they were the only ones there, this made Shinji feel a little uncomfortable but he didn't say anything. They sat down on their designated seats as a message popped on the screen.

_The movie will begin momentarily, please turn off all your electronic gadgets and enjoy the film_

Doing as the message said both teens turned of their phones and waited quietly until Asami spoke out.

"It's cold in here Shinji" she said as she crossed both arms over her chest.

"Oh… I'm sorry. What can I do?" Shinji asked innocently.

"Here just… let me…" Asami said as she removed the armrest between their seats and cuddled up to him.

"Hey… Wha-" Shinji started saying before Asami cut him off.

"There we go, I'm not cold anymore" Asami said smiling at the young boy whose cheeks resembled tomatoes.

The brunette had placed one hand over his chest and rested her head against his shoulder.

"I don't think tha-" Shinji was beginning to say before the movie began.

"Shh Shinji, no talking during the movie" Asami said admonishing him before letting out a few giggles.

Shinji gulped and tried to concentrate on the movie, but something about her reminded him of Asuka, and he liked that.

_**Some time later in another part of the Tokyo-3 mall**_

Asuka had met up with Hikari by the fountain and they were now browsing the different shops the mall had to offer, to Asuka it was like Christmas because with Shinji's stash she was happily buying everything she desired.

As they left the fourth shop they had visited that day Asuka's stomach growled hungrily, Hikari noticed and suggested they'd better eat lunch before continuing their shopping spree, Asuka agreed and they headed to the food court, after all it was already one in the afternoon.

Once arrived at their destination they discussed what to eat and settled on European, the only problem was that there few European restaurants in the mall, and the lines were pretty extensive.

After standing in line for what seemed like an eternity they both ordered their meals and sat down by a nearby table.

"Tokyo-3 needs more European restaurants" sighed Asuka as she rested her legs on an empty chair next to her.

"Yeah… So Asuka did you find him?" Hikari asked changing the subject.

"Find who?" questioned Asuka raising an eyebrow at Hikari.

"Shinji, you were looking for him yesterday remember?" Hikari said trying to remind her.

"Uggh! Can we just not talk about that **baka**" Asuka requested as her face showed disgust for the topic.

"What happened?" Hikari asked worriedly.

"Shinji was being stupid again, that's what happened" Asuka said frowning.

"Hey…" said Hikari as she took Asuka's right hand "we're friends, you can talk to me about these things" she finished and smiled at Asuka.

Asuka stayed quiet and looked away, she had completely forgotten about him until now. She was feeling that pain again, the one from this morning. If she kept thinking about him, she would break down and cry, she had to change the subject.

"I'll tell you but first you have to tell me about you and Touji" Asuka teased and smirked.

"What!?" Hikari answered "Asuka listen the-" she was cut off by Asuka.

"Come on everyone knows you two have a thing" she said teasing her more.

"No! it's not like that.. I just make him his lunch" said Hikari who seemed upset now.

Asuka noticing her friend's reaction tried to cheer her up.

"You know he likes you right?" Asuka asked her friend smiling.

"Do.. Do you really think so?" Hikari asked hopeful the answer would be yes.

"No.. I know so, everyone knows Hikari. Me personally I don't see what you see in him" Asuka confessed.

"Well, it's hard to explain.." Hikari replied as she scratched her head trying to figure out how she could explain.

"Tell me about i-" Asuka covered her mouth before she could say anymore.

At this Hikari stopped scratching her head and had a scheming look in her eyes.

"What's the matter Asuka? Having the same problem with Shinji?" Her friend teased as her and laughed.

"Shut up! I don't like that twerp!" Asuka hoarse at her friend who just kept laughing.

"I never said you liked him" Hikari said mocking her voice.

"I don-" Asuka stopped as she saw the very same person of the topic walking around with another girl.

Hikari noticed her friend stare deeply at something behind her, she turned around and saw Shinji holding hands with a girl she didn't recognize, they were waiting in line to order some food at a nearby restaurant.

_**A few minutes earlier in the Tokyo-3 movie theater**_

Shinji and Asami had stepped out the screening room after the movie was over, to his surprise he had really enjoyed it, but he thought it shouldn't have been classified as a horror film, more like a psychological thriller.

Even thought she had cuddled up to him in the seat, nothing else had really happened, they watched the movie silently and discussed the rather strange ending afterwards.

Shinji didn't understand, he had that beautiful girl so close to him, yet he hadn't experienced the same things as when it had been Asuka, but when he thought of Asami as Asuka, everything changed, he experienced the warmth, and his heart beat faster all the strange sensations and feelings were back. Asami of course had noticed this, and asked him if he was ok, to which he responded by blaming the movie saying it had scared him. She giggled at his confession and then continued cuddling with him.

As they stepped outside the cinema Shinji turned on his phone and called Touji. The phone rang several seconds before someone finally answered.

"Hello" answered his friend

"Hey it's Shinji" Shinji replied.

"Oh hey Shin-man! Soooo? How was the date?" Touji asked teasingly.

Shinji looked over at Asami, blushed and then looked elsewhere.

"Shut up Touji! Where are you?" Shinji asked irritated.

"Calm down Shin-man, we're at the arcade, we've been here a while actually…" Touji responded.

"Ok well, we're going to eat something and we'll see you there" Shinji said.

"Oh? Another date is i-" Touji's phrase cut off by the sound of Shinji hanging up.

Shinji hung up and then turned to Asami.

"They're at the arcade, if you want we can go eat first before joining them" Shinji offered.

"Ok, lets go" She said as she grabbed Shinji's hand and led him to the food court.

It took them a few minutes to make it to the food court and once there they saw how cramped it was, most of the restaurants had long lines behind the register, but the longest lines could be seen in the European joints.

They both looked around wondering where to buy.

"What are you hungry for Asami?" Shinji asked.

"I'm really not sure, whatever will suffice" Asami said smiling.

"Well then let's just go to the place with the shortest line" Shinji suggested.

"Hmmm… they all seem the same to me" Asami noted.

"No wait! Look there!" Shinji said pointing to a restaurant with an eight person line.

"Come on let's hurry!" Asami said as she began running and tugging Shinji behind her.

Shinji almost fell at her first tug but managed to keep up until they reached the end of the line. He was surprised there weren't more people making the line, it was definitely the shortest one in the food court.

'I hope the food here is good' Shinji said mentally.

As they got nearer to the register Shinji noticed Asami relatively quiet.

"Are you ok Asami?" Shinji asked the brunette next to him.

"Well.. I.. I just… I want to ask you something Shinji" she said timidly as he looked into his eyes.

"Go ahead Asami, I'll do my best to answer it" he smiled as he said this.

"Is there something between you and Asuka?" Asami asked troubled.

Shinji's smile was gone, he wasn't sure how to respond even though Asuka had given him the answer to that question the very same morning.

Shinji's lips trembled as he said "no there isn't".

"Ok, because there is something I want to give you Shinji" Asami said cheerfully.

Shinji looked up to meet her gaze, they were both standing really close to each other. He didn't understand why he was feeling this pleasant to be around a girl he'd just met a few hours ago, but he didn't mind it either.

"What is- hmmhmm" Shinji's sentence ended in muffled words as he Asami kissed him.

In a matter of seconds it went from a superficial kiss to a deep kiss, both explored each other's mouth thoroughly as their tongues rubbed against each other and swapped saliva, muffled moans could be heard from each of them as they continued.

From a distance the two girls on a shopping spree saw the exchange of saliva, Asuka didn't say a word, she just kept looking, it seemed the kiss was becoming more passionate as time progressed.

Asuka saw when Shinji placed both hands on the girls face and took charge of the kiss, she could see they were both enjoying it. Her eyes became watery and a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Not being able to handle watching anymore Asuka stood up wobbly, her hands trembled as she picked up her shopping bags and made the occasional sniff as she began to walk away.

"Asuka wait!" Hikari said standing up and reaching for her.

Hikari pulled Asuka into a comforting hug and Asuka embraced it. She stood there, her head buried in her friend's shoulder as her feelings resurfaced once more. She had lied to herself, all this time, she really did care for him, and now it was too late.

Her sobs died down, Asuka was enraged, and she felt anger coursing through her body.

"Don't look anymore Asuka" Hikari warned her.

She disobeyed and looked once more, the kiss had already been broken off and Shinji was holding her hand while they waited in line.

"It's not like I care!" she shouted at her friend while the last of tears slid down her cheeks.

"Asuka calm down! Please!" Hikari begged her.

"I.. I don't care about him" she yelled again in tears as she broke off her friend's embrace.

"Asuka here" Hikari said wiping her friend's tears "let's just go somewhere else" she proposed as she walked away with a broken down Asuka.

Back at the line, Asami and Shinji were getting ready to finally order their food. Neither of them had noticed the spectacle produced by the red head on the other side of the food court.

Shinji was confused, it didn't occur to him why on earth Asami would give him THAT as a gift, it confused him even more the fact she seemed so calm about it.

"Asami?" Shinji said quietly.

The brunette turned her head to look at him directly in the eyes.

"What is it Shinji?" she asked giggling.

"Umm.. Wha.. What was that all about?" he asked her nervously.

"Shinji are you really that silly? Do you honestly not know?" Asami said sounding sincere.

"Well.. I.. uh… Should I know?" he asked confused.

"Shinji I.." Asami took a deep breath "I like you" she confessed blushing.

Shinji felt the heat in cheeks, but he wasn't sure what to say, he felt attracted to Asami and he liked her personality or at least what he'd seen up to now, but Asuka was still on his mind.

_There's no way a girl like me could ever end up with someone like you_

Shinji was determined to forget her, and he had to admit he'd felt good being with Asami, he had to admit he was beginning to like her.

"Asami.. I.. I.. think I like you too" Shinji admitted as his cheeks blushed and she pulled him in for another kiss this one more passionate than the previous.

Author's notes: Ok, this was really long chapter, it was originally around 40 pages in MS Word so I decided to cut it and make chapter 4 a direct continuation including some parts from the final pages of chapter 3.

On that note, you might get a new chapter every two weeks, my semester just started and it's time to put my nerdy pants on. Thanks to those who offered to read my drafts, I will include your Nick names or names if you wish in the next one.

About this chapter: From Asuka's POV. Asuka has a persona, it's the one we are first introduced in the aircraft carrier, we'll call it "The Great Asuka Langley Sohryu". Why do we call it persona? Because it's not the real Asuka, the real Asuka is little girl that has very complex family issues, similar to the ones Shinji has.

What happens in this chapter? There seems to be indication that Asuka does like Shinji, not only in this story but in the show as well. In this story what prevents the two from really bonding is always her persona. Shinji had been reaching out to her, and he'd gotten rejected twice now.

Asuka's persona is ultimately what keeps the two from being shipped right here, good thing too because then it'd be boring. Remember we have to remove Asuka's persona and get rid of Shinji's… well there is a lot to work on. I really only saw two ways of making that persona crumble, putting Shinji in a life threatening situation or making her realize what it would be if Shinji stopped paying her attention. In both cases the term "Never know what you have until you loose it" comes to play.

Asami, I know most of you are probably wondering why she appeared so fast, and who the hell she is or why in the fuck she kissed him like that but it's explained in the next chapter which has some parts the original chapter 3.

I appreciate any review and thank you all for reading, this has been a really fun hobby.

Yours truly,

JCM.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 Regret &amp; Resentment

It was late at night when Asuka decided to head back home, the day had passed by in slow agony as she'd spent the majority of the afternoon talking with Hikari. It wasn't that her friend was boring or caused her unease, Asuka's mind was simply focused elsewhere, on something that for reasons she still neglected caused her a scolding pain in her chest.

Asuka understood her friend was worried about her, Hikari had become her first real intimate friend, but in all honesty Asuka preferred the solitude. It's not like she wasn't used to dealing with her problems unaided anyways, it had always been that way, it's what made her strong, what made her who she was.

She'd managed to get this far alone and it surely wasn't because of luck, it was because of her audacity, her tenacity, her willpower, pride and maturity. Still, at the same time these gifts and attributes were also heavy burdens to carry, not being able to open up to others completely for the sense of autonomy the path was a lonesome one, and she'd never minded that, not until now anyways.

And so it was that despite her actual feelings, there was simply no way she could let Hikari see her miserable, it wasn't an option, she had to be strong, she always had been and there was no reason to stop now, therefore she had avoided any sulking or looks of gloominess that would give off remnants of her present state throughout the whole afternoon.

Of course Hikari had intended various times on talking to her about what had occurred near midday, the incident with Shinji and the unknown girl, but Asuka just evaded the topic immediately and changed subjects, usually to ones regarding Hikari and Touji.

It was a short time after that Hikari deemed it hopeless to get her to open up, she could see the pain in her friend's eyes even if she pretended to be unaffected. She understood Asuka's reasons, she tried effortlessly to occult any feelings of attraction towards the boy by mistreating him, but regardless of this hints of their duality were always easy to spot, especially lately.

Asuka walked over to the front door and said her goodbyes with a hug and smile, there was still a look of worry in Hikari's face as she escorted her friend to the end of the porch but before Asuka could reach it, Hikari placed one hand on her shoulder making her stop completely.

"Asuka.. You're my closest friend and I care about you.." Hikari said lowly and stopped, "You don't have to deprive yourself of feeling…" she finished as she gave her a light hug from behind and then returned into the comforts of her house.

Meanwhile, a tear slowly made its way down Asuka's cheek. The words stayed and resonated in her mind, words that should mean nothing to her and yet somehow, they did, and they resembled his words from the morning, but she knew better than to believe them, even if deep inside she desperately wanted to.

She leisurely walked away from her friend's house and as she journeyed out in the lit up streets of Tokyo-3, she took account of the night setting.

There was a pleasant cold breeze swooping the city and looking up at the firmament she could see the full moon and its aura of light spamming across the city's buildings leaving white reflections on the window panels, as she looked around even more into the dark blue canvas of the night sky she spotted a few blinking stars, she liked the setting, the night was truly beautiful and at the same time, lonely.

Asuka stood motionless admiring the view, she let out a sigh as she was reminded of the countless times Shinji would accompany her on the apartment's balcony to watch the sunset.

There was a time after their intensive sync training when they had managed to make a habit of it, both would sit on the balcony particularly close to one another watching the bright star sink under Tokyo-3's skyline, leaving streaks of light shimmering through the gaps in between the buildings.

One time she had cuddled up against him and placed her head on his shoulder as they both did their daily ritual on the balcony, she didn't know what had driven her to do it, it must've been another moment of weakness on her part.

Shinji had immediately tensed up and blushed as the red head proceeded to make herself comfortable next to him, she really hadn't expected less from him.

'Typical **baka**' she said to herself.

Asuka enjoyed making him nervous, it was fun to watch him begin to stutter and redden, and he looked somewhat cute when he became all timid, of course she'd never really tell him that.

He had merely begun to protest and squirm around trying to get away when Asuka interrupted his actions.

"Shinji.." she begun and raised her head to look up at his eyes "don't.. Okay?" she finished.

Shinji simply nodded in approval a bit baffled at the occurrence, it's true they had become friendlier towards each other after the training, and he couldn't say he didn't enjoy her closeness either, he'd seen a glimpse of an Asuka few even knew existed, the tender and caring one, one that he'd hoped to see more often.

The red head seeing his nod of approval and noticing he wasn't as tense as before gently rested her head back onto his shoulder and continued watching the sunset.

They sat in that position long after the sun had finally left any trace of its presence in the now obscure sky, both enjoying the view of their city, the moment and for a first time, each others intimacy.

They would've stayed cuddled up longer had Misato not snuck up to them and then nearly provoked each pilot a heart attack.

The purple haired woman simply grinned at the sight, she saw no harm in it, it somewhat pleased her to see them finally getting along, but she couldn't pass up this opportunity to tease them either.

She quietly snuck up behind the bench in the balcony with her arms folded and a menacing looking face.

"Ehermm!" she said through a fake cough making both pilots jump up off the bench.

"Misato!" they both turned around and said in unison surprised to see her.

"Oh! Am I interrupting something?" she asked teasingly making them both blush.

Both pilots gave each other a glance of embarrassment and turned to their guardian yelling "No!" in harmony yet again.

"Hey shut up!" they both yelled at each other.

Asuka simply gave him a death stare and Shinji quieted down, much to his relief Misato stepped in to tease them more.

"You guys aren't planning to do anything naughty, are you?" Misato asked smirking as Shinji and Asuka's cheeks turned a red shade to the question at hand.

"What!? What are you implying!?" the young fiery haired pilot interrogated indignantly almost immediately.

"Always on the defensive aren't we Asuka?" she asked the red head mischievously as her gaze focused on the blushing boy next to her.

"Shut up Misato! How can you say such things!?" Asuka yelled back.

"What do you think Shinji?" their guardian asked smirking.

Shinji's face was already flushed and as he gave Asuka another look he saw she was staring him down, fury in her eyes and hints of pink around her cheeks.

"Don't get the wrong idea Third!" she said smugly with her chin held high "as if there'd ever be anything between us!".

"I never said there would be!" he replied now his turn to be indignant.

"You don't have to say it! Your perverted face says it all!" Asuka shouted back at him as she placed both hands on her hips.

"That's because you're always teasing me on purpose!" he countered back at her.

"Hmmpf! It's not my fault I'm so attractive" she said conceitedly.

"Right…" the muttered and rolled his eyes.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!?" Asuka asked a bit hurt he thought otherwise.

They boy simply gulped and desperately said "nothing! I said nothing Asuka!"

Asuka had given him another death stare and was about ready to physically harm him when Misato stepped in again.

"Geez, Touji's right, you do sound like a married couple" Misato teased once more making them both blush for a few seconds before lashing out at her and then each other.

A small smile formed on her lips as she snapped back from her memory, she missed watching the sunsets with him, they hadn't done so since a few weeks back and the way things were going they were probably not going to watch them together ever again.

Her shy smile was now gone and instead it had been replaced by a culpable frown and gaze.

'**Scheisse**! I.. I did what I had to.. Right?' she began to doubt before she continued walking.

Asuka was now longing to unbosom her feelings, she considered that perhaps she should've talked with Hikari, but it wasn't as simple as that, there were many implications, still she figured it wouldn't have been half as bad to talk to someone.

As much as she tried to convince herself and others she didn't care, it was now apparent to her that no matter how hard she tried to fool herself into thinking it, she did.

She'd never cared for the boy, not like this, whatever was happening to her was beyond her comprehension, after all, she was the one who'd rejected him. However what bothered her more was that he'd stated he cared for her earlier that day and only mere hours after rejection had his tongue in some whore's mouth, it enraged her to think that he'd so easily replaced her, Was it jealousy? Was it something else? Whatever the case he'd lied.

'**Fich dich** liar' she said mentally as another tear managed to escape her eye.

"He can have his whore, I never cared in the first place" Asuka whispered the lie hoping its fruition while wiping off the tear.

She continued walking at a slow rhythm, sometimes feeling the need to just drop down to let her emotions out, other times sadistic thoughts filled her mind on how she could make him pay and the whore suffer, but all in all, it was a long monotonous walk through the streets.

Asuka eventually came up to the Tokyo-3 central park, she liked taking brief walks through it every once in a while. It was always so quiet there and the sound of wind brushing through the tree's leaves and branches was soothing to the ears, not to mention how few people ever actually visited the park, it's just what she needed for dreadful days.

She paced slowly through the park enjoying the harmony, taking in the smell of fresh air as she tried to forget her troubles, part of her felt relaxed while another part, one she had drowned before but had now resurfaced, longed for the embrace of a dark haired boy with blue eyes.

Asuka's stroll was finally nearing the park's alternate entrance/exit when she noticed a couple sitting on a bench to the side of the main walkway.

The unknown couple was sharing what she considered to be the most ardent kiss she'd ever seen, both their eyes were closed while their hands ran freely through each other's body, slowly making the necessary friction in the right places to please each other and moan into each other's mouths.

An almost immediate thought of Shinji emerged in her mind, she shuddered as the image of him caressing her body passionately and meeting her lips while sharing his tongue with her became visible, she was feeling the same warm feeling from before, heat ran up her thighs as she became lost in her fantasy, however, it was shortly lived as another image entered her mind.

She was there all over again, sitting at the same table with her legs extended across to an empty chair, her mouth was slightly opened as she was suddenly dumbfounded in the midst of finishing a sentence.

Asuka slowly plunged into an abyss of sorrow as she helplessly witnessed Shinji kiss the girl fervently.

She was now fixated on the details of the event, from his hand moving from her waist up to the back of her neck to pull her head in closer to his, to him imposing dominance of the kiss on the girl and making her lean back as he held her tightly, second by second her heart was now sinking at the reminiscence.

'Why didn't he kiss me like that?' Asuka wondered as her distress continued to increment.

'Ughhh! I don't care!' she yelled mentally trying to make herself believe it.

Her emotions were ranging from sadness to pure hate, she hated being affected by it so much, she hated the fact that he'd kissed another girl, she hated herself for being weak, but most of all, under all that hate, she felt a deep misery consuming her, because she's the one that had rejected him.

"Idiots" Asuka muttered through gritted teeth as she returned from her memory and focused back on the couple, her built up hate now beginning to sprout.

"Hey morons! You're in a fucking public park! What the hell's the matter with you!" she yelled at the couple who immediately stopped any sort of physical interaction and looked at her direction stunned.

"Pathetic!" she yelled again as she turned around and kept walking leaving a very embarrassed couple murmuring behind.

She could hear the mumbling behind her die down as she distanced herself from the couple, she pitied them, how could one be so weak as to rely on another person and become emotionally dependent, the whole idea was bizarre and yet, a hint of envy was also present in her.

Asuka walked back home in silence, it took her about fifteen minutes to reach the apartment and once there she took the elevator up and made her way towards her front door.

Stillness beheld her as she got there, she was afraid to enter remembering the reason she'd left that morning.

After various hesitations, she entered the apartment, there was dead silence throughout it. Asuka checked every room making sure the apartment was truly void of her roommates and as she suspected there was nobody there but pen-pen.

"Hey pen-pen" she greeted and pet the bird who was sleeping on top of the kitchen table with a few empty beer cans around him.

"ZZzzzZZZZz" replied the passed out bird.

She smiled at the drunken bird and gave him another pet on the beak before walking over to her room. As she made her way to her room she stopped in front of Shinji's room, contradictory feelings overwhelming her, she wasn't sure of her actions anymore.

After a few seconds of deep thoughts Asuka made her way to her room and placed the shopping bags she'd been carrying all day beside her bed, her body longed for her bed's soft embrace as she undressed into her undergarments.

Finally to her body's relief she lay down on the soft cushion and looked directly at the ceiling.

Her bed wasn't as comfortable as the night before, she now felt that there was something missing and though she hated to admit it, it was him.

"What a long day" she said to herself.

From the very first minute she'd been conscious, she'd gone through an emotional journey and after the day was finally reaching its long awaited end, she had realized that Hikari had been right, bottling up feelings inside was an error.

The cutting pain she'd been avoiding since the incident was now stronger and accompanying it was a familiar sensation from her childhood, loneliness.

She knew no one would hear her misery now, it was ok, she could finally release her feelings.

"Ughh! I hate feeling like this!" she yelled as her repressed emotions came afloat and her room filled with faint sobs and cries.

"When I was with him.." she began as she remembered when she'd woken up next to him.

"I… I felt good" she finished with more tears sliding down her cheeks.

The sentiment of regret and guilt for hurting his feelings now cursed her, both tormenting her because of her dealings that morning.

'Why did it have to be you?' Asuka thought as more tears gushed out.

"It's no point.." she said faintly as her previous depression enclosed her.

"The truth is… I.. I like.." her voice now cracking as more tears started pouring.

"No.. I can't like him!" she said dimly trying to convince herself otherwise

Her plan had failed miserably, no matter how many times she denied it, the truth was that he had gotten through.

"Why? Why do you make me feel like this?" she asked lowly as her sobs intensified.

Asuka was hysterical, her pillow had a wet spot underneath her head as the tears slowly dropped on it.

"It was the only.." she stopped through sobs "I did what I had to!" she finished.

"**Fiiiiich**!" Asuka screamed to herself.

It had been difficult for her to accept it, she'd been trying to reject it from the start, from after they'd defeated **Israfael**.

She had denied it to herself the whole time, the thought of it was insulting to the core, but she was deemed helpless as time progressed, the truth was she was becoming more drawn to him ever since.

However it was simply that for a time, a slight attraction towards him, nothing more, but it wasn't long after that she started experiencing strange sensations. She constantly craved for his attention, especially when he looked at Ayanami instead of her, but she always managed to keep his interest hooked on her by teasing him with her body's newly found attributes and even then she thought nothing of it, it was just her competitive way, she refused under any cost to let wonder girl beat her at anything, including looks.

It was after their first kiss things started changing, she could no longer hide behind those excuses, there was something else, he made her feel different, but she couldn't allow herself to fall victim to those sentiments so she neglected their existence though some of her actions proved otherwise.

This morning she'd been confronted by her past self, it was the Asuka that had first set foot on Japan. An Asuka that wasn't fond of people, that wasn't fond of Shinji and that for the longest time hadn't known what it was to feel cared for.

During the last couple of days he'd smashed through most of her barriers, he was getting through and out of fear and pride she'd rejected him but it had already been too late. She didn't want to admit that "The Great Asuka Langley Sohryu" liked a shy boy with black hair and blue eyes, that she liked Shinji Ikari**.**

Upon this realization Asuka continued sobbing and mourning thoroughly for a few more minutes.

It was after a while that her body gave in to the stress and anguish and shut itself down, leaving her in a deep slumber atop of her bed.

_**Sometime later elsewhere in Tokyo-3**_

Shortly after Touji had left with the rest of the group, Asami asked Shinji to walk her home, he really didn't mind the extra walking, being next to her helped him forget about Asuka, not to mention he also enjoyed her company, so he gladly accepted.

As they made their way towards her house Shinji gazed at the beautiful brunette that was holding his hand, the moon's shine gave her light green eyes an even lighter tone making them seem somewhat transparent. To him, this made them look even more gorgeous.

Asami blushed lightly as she noticed Shinji's eyes gaze deeply into hers.

"What is it Shinji?" the girl asked timidly.

Shinji reddened as he realized he'd been staring at her the whole time and not said a single word.

"Oh sorry.. It's just… Well.. You're really pretty Asami" he said shyly.

Asami blushed at Shinji's compliment and let out a few nervous giggles before saying "well you're pretty cute yourself" she then giggled some more and gave his hand a light squeeze.

Shinji's cheeks were pink, no one had ever said that about him, at least that he knew about.

"I… Uhhm.. Thank you" he said mumbling nervously.

Asami giggled at his reaction, she found him to be even cuter when he blushed and became more timid.

"You're really shy Shinji" Asami said openly.

"Yeah… Sorry" Shinji said apologetically.

"Don't be silly" Asami said and giggled "I like that about you" she finished leaving the boy flushed again.

They continued talking through the entirety of the walk, sometimes making each other blush and other times burst out in laughter. When they finally reached Asami's home Shinji realized it wasn't as far as he'd expected, he estimated that it was briefly a twenty minute walk from his home, which really wasn't that much at all.

Shinji looked at the apartment building, it was very similar to Rei's apartment except it wasn't run down, it actually looked like an excellent place to live. It was seven stories high and had the hallways to the apartments on the outside of the building, so one had a good view of a portion of the city the minute they stepped out of the apartment.

Both teens stood outside the edifice looking at each other, their hands gripping tightly as both knew they finally had to depart from one another.

"Shinji.. I had a lot of fun with you today" Asami said sincerely.

"Me too Asami, thank you for making Touji invite me" Shinji said chuckling a little.

"No Shinji, thank YOU for everything…" Asami said suddenly becoming a tad more serious and gazing at the floor.

"You know.." Asami began "this is where I first truly met you" she admitted quietly and looked at him.

"What do you mean Asami?" Shinji asked a tad thrown since previous to the current day he hadn't really met her.

Asami was trembling frivolously, so far he'd never seen her like this before, her hand was shaky and he could see tears forming and accumulating on the white of her eyes.

A few seconds of silence passed and both teens gazed at each other's eyes, Shinji saw a few tears make their way down her cheek as she opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again, as if not being able to find the words she needed.

After a few more seconds Asami wiped her tears off and opened her mouth yet again to speak.

"I… I was trying to get to a… a shelter with my mother" Asami stopped as more tears managed to roll down her cheeks and a few sobs came out "and.. and an angel had entered the city" she said faintly through another sob.

"Asa-" Shinji started to say but was cut off when she gently placed a finger over his mouth.

"I was standing right here" Asami said pointing to the ground as she started to recall the day.

Asami had been absent from school that day, she hadn't felt well enough to go, from the minute she'd woken up she had a low fever and her monthly cramps.

Her mother had gone out around noon to buy groceries and had solemnly swore to not take long, so Asami having nothing else to do had taken to watching TV while she waited for her mother's return.

She was halfway through the movie when the angel sirens throughout the city went off, a chill ran down her spine at the sound of the horrid alarms.

Asami immediately got up and ran towards the door swiftly as adrenaline rushed through her and all symptoms of her illness and cycle had dissuaded. As she opened the door she saw a massive creature near the center of the city, a few streets away from her home, ravaging through everything in its path.

She knew the drills, she had to get to the nearest shelter and wait for the angel to be disposed off, that's what they had taught her at school, but after seeing the angel she was afraid to go out there and who could blame her, the abomination was tearing through buildings like paper.

Asami stood idle as the creature neared her home, she was terrified, tears poured out as she saw the homes of friends and family collapse into rubble.

She would've stayed in shock had it not been for a desperate yell coming from the staircase to her left "Asami where are you?! Asami we have to go now!" it was her mother.

"Mom! I'm here!" she screamed back as she ran towards her mother who was climbing the stair case.

Asami ran faster than she'd ever run in her whole entire life and she was soon in the comfort of her mother's arms as they engaged in a tight embrace, both relieved to see each other alive and well.

"Asami, Darling why didn't you go to the shelter!" her mother admonished with tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry mother! I was so scared!" she said through sobs.

Her mother gave her a kiss on the forehead and broke the hug as she tugged her out the building saying "Hurry we have to get to the shelter fast!".

As soon as they stepped out the building they saw the gigantic being at a few meters distance, it was moving straight towards them.

The violet colored angel had a cylindrical body whose upper anatomy resembled an arthropod as there were crab like extensions covering it, meanwhile it possessed two short arms that each included a pink glowing retractable limb that moved through the air like a tentacle in water, its head was similarly shaped to a metal part of a shovel with what appeared to be two yellow irises symmetrically placed on the forepart of it.

Asami felt Goosebumps as she remembered the scene, she was sure that was to have been her and her mother's end, but something occurred, Shinji occurred.

Before **Shamshel** was able to continue its path and crush them in the process, Unit-01 had come out of the geo-front via launch pad and engaged the angel mere seconds before Asami and her mother would've been flattened.

The angel spun around and engaged unit-01 using one of his glowing limbs in a slashing manner, however Unit-01 dodged the attack and after several minutes of hand to hand confrontation the angel was disposed off after Unit-01 pierced the angel's core with a progressive knife.

At the time Shinji didn't know it, but he had saved Asami and her mother's life.

She finished the story in tears, her hands shaky as she tried to wipe the tears off.

"I had to let you know.." she stopped and breathed slowly trying to calm her leaking eyes "that I appreciate all you do for us" she finished.

"Asami.." Shinji said as he began to hold her in his arms.

"My mother and I.." she paused "are alive because of you" she finished as she cried deeply on his shoulder.

Shinji was at a loss for words, he hadn't expected this, it's no wonder she had been so nice to him this whole time, but there was something about that which bothered him.

Eventually Shinji decided to dismiss the thought for the time being and continued consoling the weeping girl.

They both embraced each other for a few more minutes until Asami stopped crying and eventually separated to call it a night.

Asami held Shinji's hand as she planted a wet kiss on his lips, it was mostly superficial as she bit his lower lip gently and then moved on to massage his upper lip with her own. Even though they had already shared a more passionate kiss, this one had been the one with most emotion behind it, there was no concern about anything around them, it was only them, their hushed thoughts and their lips.

Asami pulled off slowly leaving a thread of saliva hanging from both ends of their lips that eventually fell off as she gave Shinji a smile noticing he had enjoyed it as much she had.

"Bye Shinji, I'll see you at school" she said and gave him a wink.

"Bye Asami" Shinji said and returned the smile as she started walking away and their hands left each other's hold.

He stood there watching the dazzling brunette in her black dress walk into the building and disappear behind concrete and shortly after, he left the building and began his new journey.

Shinji walked home with a strange feeling, so much had happened since he'd woken up. He felt strange about Asami, about what she had told him, it made him feel a slight remorse.

When he had first seen her, he'd agreed to watch a movie with her for the sake of forgetting Asuka, he had used her, and even thought of her as a replacement for Asuka.

'Am I just using her now?' he asked himself as he walked through the packed streets.

Moral questions started to enter his mind, Shinji had begun to like the girl, but he wasn't exactly certain if it was for the right reasons.

'But Asu-' Shinji started thinking but stopped midway not wanting to finish the thought.

Not liking the thoughts that wandered around his mind Shinji quickly dismissed them, he simply didn't want to feel any sort of guilt for being with Asami.

The rest of the walk back home was uneventful, Shinji's loneliness slowly crept back to him, he had managed to escape its clutches when he had been near Asami, she had distracted him from his problems, but at the end of the day, they were still there, they never left.

A conflicted Shinji made his way up the stairs to his apartment and stood idle next to the front door. He was afraid to enter, he didn't want to see her again and he wasn't ready too either.

Shinji hesitantly swiped his access card on the key scanner and slowly turned the handle to open the door. The door made a few creaks as he slowly turned it revealing the apparently desolate apartment, after looking around from the outside he quietly stepped in while gently closing the creaking door behind him.

He made his way to through the dark hallway as quiet as he could, he would freeze in his tracks every now and then when he heard a petite sound coming from somewhere in the apartment and thought it was Asuka.

After much stealthy moving he finally reached his room's door and slid it open, at first glance he found it the same as he had left it, but after a second look he noticed a mess where his desk was, a closer inspection would reveal that his savings under his desk had been accessed to.

"Asuka.." he said dimly as his fists clenched, suddenly the hate he'd felt for her this morning returned, ire ran through him as he recalled her harsh words and actions.

He closed the door and murmured unintelligible phrases as he changed to his pajamas and hid his savings deep in his closet hopping the red head wouldn't find them there.

Being exhausted from the day's activities he finally threw himself flat on the bed and in a matter of seconds disconnected himself from his surroundings.

_**Sometime later**_

Shinji woke up to the familiar faint sobs seeping through the walls, out of instinct he stood up and began heading towards his door, however after slowly regaining some of his consciousness and remembering the day's events he returned to his bed and tried falling back asleep.

He must've tried for what seemed like an eternity before he finally gave up, he couldn't rest peacefully hearing her sob like that, he'd gotten used to the idea of going to console her during the night and not going seemed wrong, it was rather unnatural.

Slowly her sobs made their way into his head, he was reminded of the feeling of happiness he'd had when she'd calmed down and snuggled with him. Up to now he hadn't really broken down about the incident, he'd been too distracted the whole day, but now that he was here alone, he felt the pain from the wounds recur.

He held it in at first, he didn't want to cry over it but alas after a few minutes he finally caved in and began to weep quietly on his bed, pressing his head down on the pillow to muffle each of the sobs.

'Asuka.. I only wanted to make you happy' he said mentally as he continued to whimper.

'This was my fault, I never had a chance to begin with' he countered himself.

"I should've never risked it!" he said letting out a soft gasp for air through the sobs.

'I'm.. I'm sorry!' he yelled mentally at himself.

'How was I so careless' he reflected through muffled sobs.

He had always helped her, never asked for anything in return, even before he'd realized his feelings for her.

Asuka on the other hand, she'd never taken the time to help him, not unless it was convenient for her somehow, it had always been about her but even so, he'd never cared, because he enjoyed seeing her content.

"How was I to know it would hurt so much!" he yelled at his pillow and pounded the bed with his fists.

'For fucks sake! What did I do to deserve feeling like this!' he shouted mentally with streams of tears making their way down his cheeks.

'Everyone always leaves me!' he continued shouting mentally.

"Mother left me! Father left me! My uncles never even cared! And she hates me!" he finished crying out making it echo throughout his room.

'At least I have Asami' he compensated himself and calmed himself down.

'But even she only likes me because I pilot the eva!' he thought remembering her confession.

Not knowing how to calm himself down Shinji reached into his pocket erratically and pulled out his SDAT player. He put on the headphones and hit the play button, this had always been his go to escape from the world since he was little, since his father had abandoned him.

The SDAT player had at some point belonged to his father, he found it ironic that the one item that gave him security and tranquility had been owned by the man that had caused him so much torment and suffering.

It took about two tracks for his sobs to finally die down and after much reflection and several more tracks he started to drift from reality once again, but not before muttering something out.

"I.. still… care" he said faintly in an almost unconscious state.

_**The next morning**_

Darkness surrounded the room as the two stared at each other. The only visible things apart from them were the pitch black window panels, the kabalistic symbols engraved in white across the ceiling and floor and of course the iconic desk the commander sat behind.

He wiped the blood from his face still shaken by the outcome of the events, he hadn't planned on taking her life, but it didn't matter now, his hands had been stained with her blood.

He locked his eyes on the grin the figure had, he wondered if he'd known, if this had all been part of his elaborate plan.

"Tell me, was this part of your scenario?" He asked the man he called father once who was sitting behind the desk.

"No, I expected you to grasp the bigger picture" the commander replied as his right hand pushed his gleaming glasses back into place.

"Your used them!… You used me!" he yelled back at the figure who seemed to be handling the situation with too much calm.

"Yes" the man said coldly and interlocked his hands back together.

"How frank, is that really all you have to say?" he asked the commander sickened by his crude response.

"I'm not the first, I also won't be the last" Gendo answered openly.

"Don't worry, the committee will be taken care of too" Shinji said with scorn in his voice.

"Do as you wish, but I can bring them back to you" The man said with an evil grin.

"Had you not done anything none of this would've happened!" Shinji retorted and drew his gun out.

He held it firmly with both hands as the end of the barrel pointed towards his father, it was heavier than he'd remembered and he was having second thoughts about his next action.

Tears formed in his eyes, had it really been so long since he'd held her in his arms, since he'd held them both.

Shinji had believed in a more promising future, one where she and him could leave this all behind them, but he'd been robbed of it, he'd been cheated out of his happiness and instead forced to live this torment, and it was because of the man he'd renounced as his father.

There was no doubt about it, he had to redeem himself, this was his final atonement, whatever happened afterwards mattered not, he had to avenge him.

He'd been warned about the line few are willing to cross, he'd been warned that becoming a man didn't mean getting older and he'd been warned about the dangers of love.

"This is for them!" the boy yelled and pulled the trigger.

'**Blaaaam!**' was the sound heard that resonated in the confined spaces of the office.

"Noooo!" Shinji woke up screaming covered in sweat.

It had been another one of his dreams, similar in strangeness to the other ones he'd had all week, the only notable difference being that Asuka hadn't appeared anywhere.

'What's happening to me?' he asked himself trying to make sense of the murderous thoughts running through his mind.

'Did.. Did I kill..' he began to think back to the dream but found if impossible to recall most of the events.

Not wanting to delve more into the odd thoughts surrounding the dream Shinji focused on his rumbling stomach. The last time he'd eaten something was the day before when he was at the mall with Asami a few minutes before he'd walked her home.

He smiled at the reminiscence of the time he'd spent with her, it had been so perfect, not once had he thought about Asuka.

Shinji let out a sigh as she popped back into his mind, he had hoped something could form between him and Asuka, up to that point she'd been his first kiss and the first girl he'd started to like more than a friend, but whatever the case there was no point in lamenting the situation now, life moved on, and so did she.

Shinji stood up groggily and headed towards his door, his legs trembling with each step he took. Despite having rested more than seven hours it hadn't been a satisfactory sleep, Asuka's sobs woke him up from time to time and it was hard to ignore them.

He slid open his door and looked over at Asuka's room, his primal instinct ordered him to go there and hug her, but he'd already been scarred for doing that before, he couldn't risk himself anymore, and so he turned around and walked over to the kitchen.

Once there he took in the sigh of pen-pen sleeping on the place where Shinji and his roommates ate their food, the table.

'This can't be sanitary' he thought as he gently picked the bird up and headed to the living room to place him on the couch.

'He's just like his owner' he thought as he glanced back at the empty alcoholic cans scattered around the table.

Shinji placed the unconscious bird on the couch and headed towards the kitchen again.

'God damn it.. I just cleaned it yesterday too!' he complained mentally as he looked at the mess in the sink, and around the table.

"It's always me…" he sighed as he began to clean up the clutter around the table first.

It took him around fifteen minutes to sort everything out and he smiled at the finished product, the kitchen was now more decent looking.

The table was now null of any beer cans or debris, on the carpet floor there were no longer any stain marks from food or any garbage lying about, and finally all the dirty plates in the sink had been washed and properly stacked on the plate rack.

'Not to shabby' he thought.

Now that he was done cleaning he could finally focus on the task at hand, his hunger. He wasn't going to get to fancy today so he considered making scrambled eggs, he'd seen a recipe a while back that he considered was worth giving a try, its name was _Scrambled &amp; Wild_.

He proceeded to get the ingredients required which consisted of six eggs, some celery, butter, wild rice, green pepper, black pepper and salt.

First he began by chopping the celery and mixing it with green pepper, following this he placed a thin cube of butter on the frying pan and turned on the stove so it would eventually melt under the heat, this would prevent the food from getting stuck onto the pan's surface.

While the butter slowly dissolved he carefully cracked each one of the eggs by its middle and spewed its contents into a bowl while mixing it with a fork and before long the six eggs had become a homogenous and thick yellow liquid.

He added the salt, black pepper, raw wild rice, and the celery mixed with green pepper to the bowl all while the small cube of butter finished liquefying in the pan.

Now it was a process of waiting and scrambling, he added the contents of the bowl to the pan and after around six minutes breakfast was ready.

Cooking was something else for him, a means to escape reality, similar to his SDAT player, and he enjoyed every minute of it.

He took three dishes and pen-pen's bowl and served an equal amount for each person in the house, even Asuka.

Despite what had occurred yesterday he was determined to leave it behind him, sure he harbored profound resentment towards her but the fact remained that he still cared for the stubborn pilot, still he wouldn't give her the benefit of seeing him affected.

He was hopeful that Asami could help him mend the wounds left by Asuka and maybe even forget about her in due time, still, it would be a long process and he couldn't avoid the subject he'd neglected the night before.

The answer to his question, though he hated to admit it was yes, he was using her to forget about Asuka, that's not to say he didn't like her though, her charisma and positive attitude were what had captivated him the most.

It was several seconds later that Shinji's mental analysis came to a sudden stop as a barely dressed Misato stepped out of her room and into the hallway thanks to the smell of the now finished breakfast.

"**Aaauuuooowwwhhhh**!" she yawned and stretched both arms out as she neared the kitchen.

"Morning Shinji" she greeted him with a smile and headed for the fridge.

"Hey Misato" he responded back warmly.

"Great timing, breakfast is ready" he stated as he finished placing the plates and the bowl on the table.

"It smells great! What'd you make for us today?" Misato asked eagerly from the inside of the fridge.

"A recipe I found a while back for scrambled eggs" he responded as he sat down in front of his plate.

"That's great… Hmm.. Where could… Hmmm" Misato struggled as she searched through the inners of the fridge.

"What is it Misato?" he asked intrigued.

"There's no beer" she responded with a hint of sadness in her voice.

Shinji chuckled at his guardian's behavior, it was supposedly her tradition to gulp down an entire can of beer in the mornings.

"Well, there's plenty of coffee left Misato" he said as he stood up and got another cup to serve coffee in.

"Yeah… Whatever.." Misato said as she took her seat and began to eat.

"You know, your liver's thanking you right now" he said admonishingly.

"You don't know what you're missing out on Shinji!" she said convincingly.

"What? Anemia, Cirrhosis, Cardiovascular Disease or am I missing something?" he asked her playfully.

"One drink won't harm anyone, plus it could help loosen you up" she instigated him as she took another spoonful of her food.

"We've been over this Misato… I'm fourteen, I can't" he retorted his guardian whilst sipping from his coffee cup.

"You're pretty dull for your age" she acknowledged to him.

Shinji sighed and rolled his eyes as he took another sip of his coffee.

"Fine.." she said in defeat as she continued digging in on her food.

Misato was the first to finish breakfast between the two, this was not surprising seeing as Shinji took relative long to eat most of his meals. She hastily dumped her dirty dish in the sink, thanked Shinji with a supposedly parental hug that made the boy blush and then trailed off into the bathroom where she took a hot shower.

Apparently she had something important to do with Kaji so she showered and dressed hurriedly and before Shinji knew it she had left the apartment again.

Misato wasn't there much often now, between work, partying, and getting wasted Shinji was surprised he even got to see her today, most days she'd leave before both teens woke and come back when they were already sleeping, something important must've been happening at Nerv, because her and Kaji were always together.

Shinji stood up from the seat and took his plate into the sink where he then proceeded to wash it along with the rest of the dirty implements he'd used to make breakfast. After he was done drying them and placing them neatly in their respective locations he exited the kitchen and walked over to his room.

The boy stopped any movement and became paralyzed as he saw the ravishing red head in front of him, both their eyes locking onto one another's, both speechless.

_**A few minutes earlier**_

It had been a restless night, she'd woken up various times throughout it from horrific nightmares and into the middle tormenting thoughts and Goosebumps.

She had been expecting him to be next to her at the break of dawn like before but was quickly disappointed upon meekly opening her eyes and realizing she was in utter loneliness.

From the previous night she knew this would be an ongoing issue, she couldn't hide it from herself anymore, she liked the '**baka**', however that still didn't change the fact that he'd kissed that whore the day before.

Asuka stared into the ceiling and wondered how he'd even met the girl, she knew all of Shinji's friends but despite that this was the first time she'd seen her, and the first time she'd seen Shinji willingly take supremacy over something of the sorts.

She was still very confused over the events, but she knew better than to keep delving into thoughts that would just lead her in never-ending circles.

However there was still the problem on how she'd deal with Shinji, the truth was there was a feeling of betrayal present in her even though she herself had affirmed various times there was nothing between the boy and herself.

It still didn't matter, there was nothing she could do now, there was no chance in hell she'd swallow her pride, it was too hard, and even if she did, what would she tell him? That she's sorry? That she never meant it?

None of the choices deemed easy, each involved her degrading herself and going back on something she'd said and even then there was no guarantee he would still feel the same, if he ever did in the first place.

'Perhaps I did do the right thing' she considered as she stood up, stretched and then headed towards the door.

An almost immediate aroma of food was sensed by the red head the minute she'd woken, but it was only up till now that it had made her hunger rouse and from the smell of it, it was Shinji's cooking.

'God I want to bash his face in' she wished deeply as she reached her room's entrance and a grin formed on her lips.

'We'll see how you kiss that idiot with no mouth, bitch' she said to herself as she slid the door open and left her room.

As she walked down the hallway and imagined various ways of inflicting pain onto both the girl and Shinji her daydreams where quickly found interrupted as the figure of the boy came into view when he stepped around the corner.

They both came to a sudden stand as they glared into one another, their eyes reflected their confound and mixed feelings as they quickly changed from glares to deep penetrating stares whilst the pair tried to decipher one another's thoughts and mind-sets.

The deep gazes and flaring glares was the only communication between the two as a dreadful silence began to surround them, the muteness from both parties becoming deafening to each one as it came with the uncomfortable situation where neither knew what to say.

Obligating himself Shinji spoke out, the transpired time had been longer than enough and he simply couldn't decode her, not that he ever really could to begin with.

"Your breakfast is served" he said and maintained locked on her daunting gaze.

"I.. That's.. Than.." she muttered confused at his statement as his reaction was unexpected.

'Is he acting like it never happened!?' she asked herself internally.

"Well I would sure hope so **dummkopf**!" she quickly said haughtily flicked her finger across his forehead.

"You wouldn't want to keep me waiting.. Would you?" she asked him threateningly and gave him another glare as she walked of into the kitchen.

Shinji gave her another look, she seemed different, something was off, but at the same time she was acting her usual self, just like he was.

'What's going on?' he wondered a tad perplexed.

"Of course not Asuka" he said rolling his eyes and turned to enter his room shutting himself from the rest of the outside world.

Truth be told he had expected the encounter go far worse, he'd imagined something along the lines of Asuka making fun of him for thinking that they could've actually had something going, still, her behavior didn't fully displease him although it pained him to see she'd moved on like it had been nothing, but it didn't matter now, Asami would help him deal with it.

_**Meanwhile back at the kitchen**_

If she had to be honest with herself things couldn't have gone better, Shinji was acting like his usual self and she'd managed to keep from beating him senseless, yet the fact that he was behaving so normal only made her wallow in irritation.

'Why the hell is he being so casual about it!' she pondered as she took a seat by the table and began to wolf down her breakfast.

Asuka's eating time at the table rarely lasted more than two minutes as she was a complete vacuum when it came to her meals, at times even Misato stared gawk eyed at how fast she removed any edible content from her plates.

This time was no exception, she finished her food and discreetly placed the dishes on the sink and suddenly she realized just how quiet the apartment was, it was like she was all alone again.

She slowly walked to his door and had the urge to apologize to him, perhaps tell him that she too possessed strong found feelings towards him, but alas there was no use, she couldn't bring herself to do it, instead she looked deeply at the thin fabric his door was made of as if trying to see him through the barrier that separated them.

She stood there for several minutes before letting out a soft sniffle and heading towards her room where like the boy, she too enclosed herself in her own personal shell from the world.

Asuka spent the majority of the day in her room, at times she would peak out to see if he'd finally come out and upon realizing he hadn't, she'd slither back onto her bed and wait silently as her mind raced in different directions.

It was some time later that Asuka decided to head over to the balcony as she was not able to stand the perpetual boredom her room offered, she took seat on the concrete bench where countless memories of staring of into the city with the boy were made, all at miles distance now.

The now late morning was in full view, the sun stood in the middle of the sky and its heat irradiated the city, from a distance she could hear the constant sound of motorized vehicles honking and their engines roaring, everything was as it always was and yet for her, it wasn't, everything was changing.

A lot of things were on her mind, many of them involving him. No matter what she tried she simply couldn't get him out of her head, everywhere she looked she'd reminisce about something she'd done with him previous to their discussion and the sour feeling of having seen him kiss that girl was always present, not once did it stop tormenting her, it was a leech on the inners of her chest.

She was also burdened by the fact that she'd had to go the extra mile to get a kiss from him, she'd even had to resort to bringing in his deceased mother into the argument regarding it, and that girl, she'd done it so easily, so straightforwardly, with little to no resistance from the boy.

'That bitch…' she thought angrily as kept her gaze fixed on the grand city that stood before her.

All her constant teasing, her provocative choices of clothes around him and he'd never once tried anything and that girl shows up and he's willing to give her more than he ever did to her.

What was she supposed to feel? Bitterness? Was she supposed to feel angry that she'd beaten her so easily? No, she wouldn't give him the pleasure of seeing her feel anything over him.

She managed to convince herself that this was merely a childish crush that would disperse with time, there was nothing more to it, there simply couldn't be.

_**Author's notes**_

Sorry for the two week delay guys, to be honest I was thinking of delaying it until next weekend as well but I decided to cut the last part of the chapter that still wasn't finished and just upload what I had, don't worry the other part will be included in the next chapter.

Sorry if I can't upload more frequently, midterms are coming and what a pain in the ass they are, so don't worry if I don't upload in two weeks, I will finish this story, I'm not one to leave things half started.

Special thanks to 'Seeking Professional Help' and 'ChaddyManPrime' for reading through my rough drafts and correcting me on errors regarding OC characterization.

Any feedback is always welcome and thanks for reading.

Yours truly, JCM.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 Old Demons

She didn't necessarily miss him, it was the small things they used to do together at one point that made her feel this way; yes, her blood boiled when she saw him kissing the other girl, but that was to be expected, she was certain this crush would pass on by quick.

None of this of course was made any better by Misato's constant teasing. She'd taken to make Asuka's life a living hell every small chance she could, but thinking about it would change nothing.

At this, Asuka returned back from her cloud of thoughts to the present question at hand, the one the grown woman had placed on her.

"He's probably out with that.. Ughh!" Asuka responded angrily as the woman asked her again.

"Who Rei?" the purple haired woman asked with an unsurprised face.

"No it's not the doll… It's just some stupid girl" she said clenching her fists tightly.

"So you don't know where he is?" asked Misato.

"What do I look like, his babysitter?!" replied the irritated, red headed girl.

"It's always nice talking to you Asuka, you're so charming" said the woman in a sarcastic tone.

"Well, at least I'm not anything like you!" Asuka said while making a smug face.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Misato asked a bit struck at the comment.

"Oh nothing, say, don't you have a motel to go to or something?" the girl asked unworriedly and making Misato enrage in the process.

"What did you say?! You little shit!" Misato said as she drew near the girl.

Asuka stood her ground and held up her fists ready for any sort of confrontation.

"Did I strike a nerve grandma?" Asuka said teasingly.

'If I wasn't your guardian I'd kick your ass!' Misato screamed in her mind.

'But if you want to play that game..' she said mentally as she got an idea to get her back.

"It's ok, I'll let it pass, I can only imagine how you feel" Misato said calmly.

"Are you implying something?!" Asuka asked furiously.

"Oh.. You know, Shinji's out with a girl God knows where, doing God knows what" Misato said mocking her.

"Like I care what **baka** Shinji does with that whore!" Asuka yelled as she folded her arms over her chest and shot a dirty look a Misato.

"Hmm… I bet he's having the time of his life" Misato said innocently.

"Shut up! I don't care what he does!" Asuka screamed at her.

"Why so defensive Asuka? Did I strike a nerve?" Misato mocked her voice from earlier.

"Shut the fuck up!" Asuka roared furious at the constant teasing.

"Oh… I definitely struck a nerve" Misato said proudly as she took a gulp of her beer.

"You didn't strike shit! **Hure**!" Asuka retaliated at the major.

Misato stood dumfounded as she translated the word, her German was a bit rusty, but she knew what it meant.

"Do you kiss Shinji with that mouth Asuka?" Misato asked in a taunting manner.

"Shut up Misato! I'm warning you!" Asuka threatened her guardian.

"Fine, but I wouldn't wait up for him you know" Misato said enthrallingly as she gulped down the remaining of the alcoholic beverage she held.

"And what is that supposed to mean?!" Asuka asked furious yet again.

"You know what it means" Misato said to her with a wink as she dumped the can in the garbage bin and retired from the living room.

"Hey come ba-" Asuka was demanding before being cut off by Misato.

"Good night Asuka!" Misato yelled shortly before sliding her door closed.

'Ughh that stupid drunken whore!' she thought to herself.

Asuka turned to look at the clock and though she hated to admit it, Misato was right; the day grew thin with each tic coming from the inner clockworks of the clock that oversaw the table from the side of the kitchen wall, he'd never come home this late.

Mixed thoughts gushed into her mind as she pictured the different scenarios he could be partaking in with the girl this late at night; her blood slowly heating up and boiling with each second that passed by as she continued to linger the thoughts.

Time around her seemed to alter too as she felt it lengthen and an odd sensation of anxiety began to overwhelm her.

'Where the fuck is he?!' she asked herself internally with disgust.

It made her feel pathetic to even worry about what he did or didn't do with the girl; how low had she finally fallen to be concerned over him, over anyone.

What had made him so different from the other boys? He didn't have a gawking body, his hair was similar to other Japanese boys, his dark blue eyes were like those of most boys back in Germany, and his stupid face seemed normal, what was it then?

Asuka went to lie on the couch as she pondered about the unanswered question; exhaustion was driving her to close her eyes, but the hope to see him come through the door momentarily made her refuse, and thus; she kept a fixed gaze on the apartment's entrance as she waited for the boy's slim figure to eventually enter.

She spent little over an hour looking at the front door's wooden frame when she was certain he wouldn't come home, not any time soon anyways.

An internally mourning Asuka stood up with her shoulders slumped and dragged herself into her room, she lay on her bed and lightly grasped the pillow where she'd normally place her head to rest.

A tear made its way down her cheek as she imagined the boy and the girl engage in various acts she'd too come to fantasize about; at this she tightened her grip on the pillow whilst erratic feelings coursed through her being.

Albeit morality, she wished for the girl's death, and not just any death, a slow and painful one at that. A mixture of hate and rage were present every time he'd talk about Asami, and this was usually followed by a feeling of self-repugnance for being affected by the ordeal in the first place.

Lately it seemed Shinji was distancing himself from her, almost as if to say, he was avoiding her, although; granted their conversations hadn't always been on the long side, they had diminished to almost a few words per encounter.

It appeared to her as if he just didn't care anymore, which, for reason's she'd come to terms with, hurt; it was like he'd forgotten about her, and the words he'd said had never truly carried any weight.

"I don't need you" she whispered hoarsely at no one in particular.

She would prove to him just how worthless and pathetic he truly was, just how insignificant his existence was to her, and just how much she really cared for his new found whore.

A tingling sensation floured through her, it was autonomy with a hint of pride, and for the first time in a week, she felt like her old self.

Since the day's arduous chores had actually bore on her for once, she felt it was now time to give her body the much needed rest it longed for, and after a couple of minutes, she found herself under the heavy spell of slumber.

_**Meanwhile**_

He couldn't sleep anymore, how could he? Had her nightmares been infectious somehow? Truth was, he didn't know.

Every night was torture; his heart pumping fast as thousands of nerve endings made him wake up covered in sweat before the soft howling wind amongst a few trees outside the apartment.

Was he going insane? Probably, he wasn't able to conceive sleep in his household anymore, not because of Asuka's usual midnight restlessness, but because it seemed that whenever he was around there his mind always drifted back to the strangeness of the dreams.

'What's happening to me?' he pondered stilly as he sat on one of the many benches in Tokyo-3's central park, completely oblivious of the calm minded brunette resting on his side and shoulder.

Shinji kept a fixed gaze up; the stars were gone, invisible to the naked eye thanks to the illuminous nature of the city.

Why was he here? Why was she here? What drove him to seek this girl's companionship? He wasn't sure; truth was he wasn't sure about a great deal of things lately.

A few nights back Misato had jokingly stated that his cooking was beginning to falter, thought he did nothing to show it, the statement had hurt him.

It seemed that whenever someone in the Katsuragi residence mentioned food Shinji Ikari was the one to go to, he enjoyed being wanted, even if it was only for his culinary skills. With Misato saying things like that, it really saddened him to think that his best efforts were coming up short of expected.

Asuka was a whole other story. He couldn't bear to face her anymore, not after everything that had transpired, and her constant pretending it never happened; it infuriated him.

Did it really help their situation anyways? Of course it didn't, nothing did, they were seas apart now.

Without a second thought he dropped the subject, he didn't want to think about it any longer, he was tired of imagining what ifs, he just wanted to forget. Luckily he'd found his drain in Asami, she's the one that kept him from thinking about any of it; he needed her.

It's strange; every time he thought about it he always ended up in the same conclusion, they were both together for some sort of superficial reason.

He was here to forget and she was here because she felt the need to thank him for saving her, if it became more than that it was up to time itself to tell, still; it felt wrong to use her like this.

He looked at his wristwatch and shrugged, it felt like they'd been sitting in this bench for fifteen minutes when in reality, it had been over an hour.

While he truly enjoyed spending his time sitting around relaxing with her, it was late and though he'd never met the woman, Asami's mother was probably worried sick.

"Asami we should go back home" he spoke softly to her ear whilst caressing cheek.

The girl groaned croakily and raised her eyes to meet his, green meeting dark blue as they both simply basked in each other's presence.

"Ok Shinji" she said disappointedly and pecked him on his lips.

Without much talk both teens stood from the bench and exited the park hand in hand.

Though they spent much of their free time in school together, Shinji always ended up enjoying her presence either at her house or someplace else where they could sit down and talk.

One thing was certain; she couldn't go home with him. He wasn't ready for that yet, after all; he had avoided Asuka for the majority of the past week because of the questions and emotions she stirred up inside him.

'Why is it that I can't find it in myself to hate you?' he asked himself and furrowed his brow as his grip around the girl's hand began to tighten involuntarily.

"Shinji you're hurting me!" Asami squealed as she pushed him away and broke free of his grip.

"I… I'm sorry" the boy replied and lowered his gaze to the ground.

The girl gave him a profound look and gently took his hand into hers again as she said "It's ok, just don't do it again silly" and giggled afterwards.

The rest of the walk to Asami's house was silent, both looking in different directions most of the time and on the rare occasion their eyes met, they simply gave each other shallow smiles that both knew to be fake.

When they finally reached her home, Shinji could feel the tension that had grown between them reaching its peak, especially as she gripped his hand with more strength than before.

They both stopped at the entrance to the building and looked at each other, confused looks from both of them as their hands remained connected.

Finally the girl sighed and spoke out "Look, I know there're things you keep to yourself, but you can talk to me, can't you?"

"I know, and thank you Asami" he responded and smiled heartedly as he brought her in for a hug.

"It's the least I could do Shinji" the girl replied warmly as she went enveloped herself in his arms.

There it was, the constant reminder of why she sought him, the constant reminder of why she spent time with him; debt.

Though this shouldn't have bothered him as much since they were both partaking in similar deeds; it did, but he swallowed down the feeling and ignored it like he always did.

"Well I better go inside Shinji, my mom's probably flipping out" she said reluctantly as she leaned in for a kiss and felt his wet lips return kindly to hers.

They stayed in close contact for a few minutes before they finally parted lips as well as ways.

A few minutes after the departure, Shinji found himself strafing along Tokyo-3's barren, night time roads, a task he seemed to be doing quite often now, as he made his way home. Home, could he even call it that anymore? No, to him that wasn't his home anymore.

Misato barely cared anymore, all her time was spent with Kaji and Nerv, and he didn't blame her, she wasn't his mother, and the way things were with Asuka, the place he was heading to now wasn't his home anymore.

Despite all his discomfort of the household he currently inhabited, Shinji usually ended up seceding and heading there to spend the night. This particular night however he didn't feel like doing so. Figuring he wouldn't be missed back home and considering the fact that section kept vigil eyes on him, Shinji changed his course and headed towards an acquaintance's home.

It took him a while but same as before; he arrived at the crumpling building and stared at it with the same complexity as before.

"How can they make her live here?" he asked himself out loud and walked over to the stairs.

Sleeping under the stairs was the same homeless man from the first time, he was somewhat unchanged with regards to appearances, perhaps a meal wouldn't steer the man wrong.

Shinji pulled out his wallet and grabbed a handful of bills before cautiously placing them near the man's hand. A smile formed on the boy's face at the completion of his good deed, it felt good to help somebody out, however; he still held that he should've helped him someway before though.

Shinji took one last look at the man before heading up the stairs and towards Rei's apartment. As he reached the door he felt a bit uneasy, he hadn't talked to her since way before his intrusion to her home and wasn't so sure she'd take kindly to him staying the night.

The boy placed three hard knocks on the door, just like before, and waited for the girl's response. He waited a few seconds and brought his hand up again to knock but quickly set it down as the figure of a paled skinned, blue haired girl opened the door.

The girl was wearing an oversized, buttoned and collared shirt that reached the middle of her thighs and her hair stood a tad messy but nearly in the same fashion as always, combed down and parted down the middle to reveal her face.

"Pilot Ikari" the pale girl stated in a monotone voice as she stepped back to better open the door.

"Ayan.. Rei!" he replied showing a hint of astonishment that she'd answered her door, let alone be present inside her so called home.

The red eyed girl didn't reply, instead; she kept a fixed and intrigued gaze on the boy standing before her.

Not enjoying the growing silence between them Shinji quickly regained his composure and stated the reason for his nocturnal visit.

"Sorry to bother you Rei" he began apologetically "it's just that.. Well you see.. It's actually a funny story…" he mumbled out shyly and the girl simply tilted her head in intrigue.

"What I mean is..." he paused and sighed before continuing "can I stay here for the night?" he asked her timidly.

Noting the continuance of the previous muteness he quickly added "I'll leave first thing tomorrow I swear!"

"Ok" Rei responded indifferently and headed back inside leaving the door fully opened for the boy to enter.

Shinji nodded and followed suit into the girl's home after closing the door behind him. He walked forward into the small apartment and took to lying down on the floor where he'd slept before.

"Do you wish to sleep on the bed?" Rei asked as she lied back down on the mattress and stared at the ceiling.

"No that's ok, thanks Rei" he responded as his face had suddenly become bright red at her proposal.

"Ok" she responded and wrapped herself up in covers and turned from him.

"Hey Rei?" Shinji mouthed questioningly to see if the paled skinned girl sleeping across the room from him could hear him.

"What?" she responded uncaringly as she remained lying on the bed.

"Well you're rarely at school anymore… How come?" He asked and positioned himself better in his section of the floor to sleep on.

"I am not permitted to discuss that" Rei replied in that similar drone fashion.

"Oh" Shinji let out and sighed "I wanted to say sorry" he added.

Rei turned her head from facing the wall slightly as if to hear better and replied "I don't understand what it is you are sorry for."

"Well you know… For staying here that one night without your permission" he explained and stared at her still silhouette.

"Ok" The paled skinned, red eyed girl whispered inaudibly and turned her head back to facing the wall.

"Good night Rei" Shinji stated and closed his eyes as he waited patiently for sleep to take hold of him and eventually, after a few minutes, fell asleep.

_**The next morning**_

The dark void continued on as far as the naked eye could see; the concept of time was slowly slipping from her grasp the more she wandered into the desolate darkness looking for something, for anything, to give her just indication of where she was.

Each step she took onward was a strain on her sanity, which was slowly starting to deteriorate as she began to make out whispers coming from all around her, from every direction of the black scenery.

"What the hell!?" she shouted out to nothing and looked around frantically as her words faded into distant echoes that were gradually consumed by the endless black fog that surrounded her being.

"Where the fuck am I!?" she asked out demanding and yet horrified of the apparent emptiness around her.

No answer came back from the obscured, barren landscape and at this; she figured it useless in yelling anymore. It seemed that whatever answers she'd hoped to find out would not be gathered so easily.

She was more hesitant to keep walking now as the sight of pure oblivion and the soft whispers frightened her; there was no point of reference, no light to guide her, there was nothing.

For the first time in quite a while she felt genuine fear, the concept of being completely stranded in a sea of darkness entirely alone and not being able to escape finally setting in.

Perhaps all she had to do all along was admit her fear, fear of losing her autonomy, an autonomy brought about by the deep fright rejection, by not wanting open up because it would eventually lead to suffering, and the one dread that contradicted the rest of her fears, being alone, because; at that particular moment, the setting around her lit up.

It was a phosphorous dim red glow that illuminated the vast empty canvas, and in doing so, allowed her to see the figure of a particularly thin looking boy standing in front of her with his right hand extended.

"You" she said with scorn and mixed sentiments as their eyes met one another's.

"Let me help you" the boy said softly as he gestured for her to take his hand.

In truth, she really did want to take his hand however; at that particular moment she was unsure, unsure of what it was that she feared most, being alone, or misplacing her trust.

"I don't need your help! I don't need you at all! I hate you!" She screamed out at the figure slapping his hand away.

There was a frown on his face as he held his aching hand back and gave her a slight nod understanding of her desires.

"If you truly feel that way, I won't bother you anymore" the boy said hesitantly before turning into a cloud of dust and vanishing.

"Wait!" she yelled and looked around in a frantic motion at the sudden realization that she was all alone again.

"Come ba-" her phrase becoming incomplete as she noticed the familiar frame across from her.

In the distance, another figure appeared, a girl with roughly the same height as her, she had long flowing brown hair that extended to the lowest parts of her slender waist and her light green eyes carried a hint of red shade from the surrounding light; there was a small smirk on her face as their eyes met.

They kept fixed and intense glares on one another for several seconds before another figure appeared, it was the boy; he was standing directly in front of the brunette with his back towards the red head.

The brunette gave her a malevolent wink and walked over to the boy to be tightly embraced by his arms, and then joined at the lips as they lost themselves in a profound kiss.

"Don't touch him!" she yelled out and motioned forward towards them to be abruptly stopped by an unseen barrier.

"You whore! Did you not hear me!?" she screamed out again as she slammed the barrier with her fists in a pounding motion.

The two figures continued their kiss completely ignoring the outbursts coming from the distant emptiness, each second intensifying the passion they poured into each other.

It was mere seconds later that the slender brunette broke it off and looked at him directly in the eyes as she soothed her breathing pattern, after being left rather flustered with their intimacy.

"I need to know, what does she mean to you?" she asked him whilst her hand rose up to caress his cheek.

The boy gave her a soft smile and motioned to remove the few wild strands of hair that had fallen across the front of her face, his touch as gentle as ever.

"Nothing, she's nothing" he said turning to give the broken red head a sly smile and look before quickly adverting his eyes on the dazzling brunette in front of him.

"Like I care what you think" the red headed gal said scornfully as she kept her eyes fixed on the two figures.

The boy quickly returned to his previous feat and locked his lips around the girl's neck, slowly suctioning the skin that ran across it; an action that caused the slender brunette to quiver and moan in pleasure.

From the distance of the two enveloped figures, the red head just maintained a firm look as the occasional sniffle left her. It was strange, even though she felt a knife slowly sink above her left breast and her breathing soon became labored, for the life of her; she couldn't stop staring.

The boy's shirt was the first ornament of clothing to come off as both began to slip off their respective attires and found themselves pressing onto each other's body and warmth and still; she couldn't advert her eyes elsewhere.

Soon however, her chest tightened even more, making her breathing somewhat strenuous, and her legs gave away as the girl's heavy pants and wails began to resonate in the void along with the boy's deep grunts.

"Stop it! I don't care!" she screamed out at the figures, though in reality it was meant to soothe her somewhat fitful state, as she enveloped her arms around her legs.

No response came from them, just heavy panting and groaning as the sound of skin slamming into skin guided the orchestra of interconnected noises scattered across the void.

"Please I don't want to see this" she begged as a tear escaped her eye and she lowered her head into her knees, preventing any further vision of the spectacle going on.

She couldn't help herself from letting a few more tears loose as the noises began to increment in pace and pitch; that was it, the twist to the knife that had previously pierced her.

The aching in her chest resulted in her desperately clutching it as more and more droplets of liquid slid down her cheeks.

Why did she have to witness this? Was this her punishment for her stubbornness? No, it couldn't be, she didn't deserve being made to feel like this; especially by him.

Balling her hands into tight balls she stood from her previous position and glared at the intimate figures in the distance; the new found fury sending adrenaline rushing through her veins.

Asuka wiped her tears and took a deep breath before she lunged at the barrier that had previously separated her from the figures.

The previously impenetrable barrier shattered like glass and disappeared as she regained her posture post the crash, and walked over to the figures.

The girl was on top, it seemed she was having the time of her life riding him, meanwhile; Asuka's veins across her forearms revealed themselves as she locked her fists even tighter.

As the red headed girl came into arms reach of the girl, she let out a faint smile and pulled her arm back before swiftly sending it crashing forward across the girls jaw.

The girl fell backwards in an unconscious state while still connected to the boy who lay in shock and stared at the unfolding events.

"What the hell are you doing you bitch!" he roared at her as he gestured to stand up before the red headed girl placed a firm kick on the side of his ribs, making him scream out in pain and clutch his side in the process.

"You think you can hurt me?!" the red headed girl asked angrily and kicked in his side again.

"I don't fucking need you asshole! The world doesn't revolve around you!" she let out as she placed a final kick to his head and the boy kept still.

It was done, she felt like her old self again, immune to everyone, indestructible to the core, and free from him.

Vague things happened after that, she wasn't sure about them as she'd forgotten most of the dream.

She'd been lying awake for several minutes now; it appeared to be the earliest of dawn and she wasn't sure if the moron she had for a co-worker and roommate had made it back, not that she cared either way.

If something really did happen to him it'd be just less competition for the best pilot, not that he stood a chance anyways.

She squirmed around for a few minutes trying to fall asleep again but found it pointless; she was just too filled with energy today, she wanted to go out, explore the city.

Pulling her legs up and over her head, she swung them back down almost immediately and in a sudden motion she was left standing in front of her mattress.

The red headed girl stretched out her limbs and made her way out her room and towards the bathroom, the feeling of invulnerability still present in her. Once in the bathroom she slid off her clothes and entered the bath, fully turning the faucet's handle after she did so. Normally, she'd bathe in warm water but she'd grown fond of the pelts and stings from the freezing droplets that poured over her skin. The sensation that she was being cleansed from her previous feelings and mistakes made her feel wholesome, yes, she needed this.

Perhaps things might've worked out between him and her, there was once the opportunity, but it was useless now, those feelings where gone down the drain along with the rest of the stream of water that washed over her.

Asuka took several minutes to properly wash and care to her hygiene before stepping out of the shower in her usual red furred towel wrapped around her; an act that always made the small minded boy who shared her company blush and look away in fear, perhaps of her retaliation for him staring at her like some sort of perverted freak.

She made her way to her room, picked out an outfit, and fit herself into her preferred yellow sun dress.

Inspecting the look of her outfit for the day on her thoroughly through the mirror, she smirked, placed her red A-10 clips on her hair and walked over to the kitchen to make herself breakfast.

As Asuka neared the fridge she caught sight of a small, yellow sticky note resting next to the handle of the refrigerator.

_Remember today's sync test at 3:30. DON'T BE LATE!_

'Another chance' she smirked as the idea to humiliate the pilot crossed her mind.

Asuka rapidly finished her breakfast and ate it mercilessly before finishing getting ready and heading out the apartment to visit a friend; she had a lot to talk about today.

_**Meanwhile, elsewhere in Tokyo-3**_

The familiar coldness of the floor made him shiver and squirm around, making several displeasing groans as he positioned himself in a more comfortable manner to continue his prolonged sleep.

Shinji wasn't entirely awake per se; half of his senses were still in some dreamscape world while the remaining kept circuiting around and wondering what all the noise was.

Finally the sound of a squeaky shower handle turning followed by the loud noise of droplets crashing on the floor brought him up fully.

The room was exactly as he remembered it; trashy and bleak. It was inhumane for Rei to live under these conditions, or anyone for that matter.

Shinji quickly rose to his feet and continued glancing around the room, slowly peering every corner and inch until he reached the misted out glass door on one end.

Rei was there, she was taking her morning shower and he could somewhat make out her slender figure through the vapor stained glass; a deep flush presented itself on him as he followed the figure's curves up and then suddenly jerked his head back as he felt those strange urges again.

Breathing heavily he scanned the floor around him to check for any of his personal belongings and saw the thin, white cloth panties Rei had worn the night before.

Feeling more heat rise to his cheeks and not wanting a repeat of the embarrassing situation from before, he quickly turned towards the front door and yelled his goodbyes as he made his way out the small apartment.

"Errm.. Thanks for letting me stay Rei!" Shinji yelled out from the hallway that led to the front door.

As Shinji stepped outside he couldn't help but smile, it seemed good weather had that effect on him. The sun was just beginning its customary ascend and it appeared to be the early stages of good day, meanwhile; the armored sky scrapers began to rise from their respective underground bunkers to establish the impudent skyline Tokyo-3 offered once more.

Shinji carefully closed the door behind him and managed his way down the stair case he'd climbed the day before. As he climbed down from the last steps, he glanced back at the spot where the homeless man had established his home, a term that felt distant from him lately. The man still had a tight lock on his blanket and the handful of bills the boy had placed the night before were still in their respective spot.

'Why hasn't he woken yet? Isn't he hungry?' he wondered as he stared at the man's frail, bony figure.

A slight chill ran down his spine and his eyes slowly widened as he noticed the stillness of the man.

"He's.. He's not dead.. No.. I.. He can't" the boy said inaudibly as he moved a few steps back away from the body and fell.

A diverse number of thoughts crossed his mind as to what had happened, however; there was a sickly feeling of guilt that he got every time he looked at the corpse.

'There was nothing I could do' he assured himself as he backed away pacedly and turned from the man.

"I.. This.. It couldn't be stopped" he said to himself and kept walking away with increasing pace.

Not wanting to look at the possible corpse any longer, the boy turned his head away and began his usual lonesome walk home, still; the imagery of the man haunted him.

Who was he? How did he end up on the streets? Did he even deserve to die like that? It was anybody's guess now, and he didn't want to think about it any longer. Taking a deep breath, Shinji erased the previous thoughts and images out of his mind and continued his walk.

"I guess that's life, one minute you're here and the next.." he whispered to himself and trailed of before finishing the sentence.

Shinji had already been in close encounters to death before, and every time he got into the Evangelion he was never certain if he would have the luxury of living another day, come to think about it; he hadn't thought about that in a while, and he was frightened, he was frightened because he did not want to die.

'So why do I pilot that thing?' he queried the same question that had plagued him so many times before.

Truth was all this was for his father, a man that had never shown the slightest of paternal emotion to his only son, a man that had refrained contact with that very son until he needed him.

Knowing very well were these thoughts often led, Shinji repressed them as he habitually did with anything that troubled him and headed out of the city's least desirable side.

After about an hour of walking in silence and reflecting on various topics, some more pleasant than others, Shinji finally reached the end of his long journey; that is the Katsuragi residence.

He managed his steps through the stair case and made it to the last floor of the residential building and there it was, the slim door frame that harbored his once home. Not wanting to stand outside much longer, Shinji walked with haste to the entrance of the apartment and passed his access card over the key scanner. With a familiar clicking sound the front door unlocked itself and after a turn of the handle, Shinji was left to stare at the narrow hallway that led to living room. As usual no one was home, or was it just that he was never around that often to notice? He wondered.

Shinji entered the apartment and shut the front door close; he made his way towards the kitchen to prepare himself something to eat and immediately threw a glance at the all too customary sticky note left on the fridge.

_Remember today's sync test at 3:30. DON'T BE LATE!_

"It's always the same" Shinji muttered as he crumpled the note and tossed it to the garbage bin near the counter.

It wasn't the sync test that bothered him, he didn't mind those at all, it was the fact that Misato was never around anymore. At first he hadn't minded it, but that's because he enjoyed spending time with Asuka, now that he couldn't even manage to look at her it was all too apparent how she'd been neglecting her duties as a guardian.

If Shinji was to be honest, he couldn't remember the last time he'd spoken to her, Misato that is.

Feeling a tad fatigued from the lack of food ingested over the last 12 hours, Shinji stopped dragging on the subject and began working on a meal.

After several moments of getting out his ingredients and carefully integrating them into his food in progress, he quickly turned on the stove and began to wait patiently until his breakfast was complete.

The ample time it took to finish gave Shinji enough to head into the bathroom and bathe himself in the usual cold spray. Of the few moments he could really relax and let go, this was it. Sadly, Shinji soon found out that standing still and letting the drops pelt his skin just made him question the events unfolding around him, more specifically in relation to Asuka and his nightmares. This is why he wasn't here much, here being the apartment in general, because as it tended to happen, he began to think about her and them at every turn of the house.

Shrugging off the thoughts he exited the bath, dried himself off and put on his prepared attire to then head towards the kitchen to finish preparing his breakfast. He arrived right on time to turn off the stove and serve himself some food before any of the pan's contents could crisp away.

Shinji ingested his carefully prepared meal and then cleaned up the dish and silverware left by the other occupants of the house as well as himself.

Not feeling up to the task of standing around waiting until it was time to set off to Nerv for his sync test, Shinji entered his room and got his SDAT player from within one of his desk's drawers. Carefully placing the earbuds in their respective place, Shinji lied down on his bed and stared up at the distant ceiling as the first of the tracks on his cassette commenced to play.

'It's my room's ceiling, and yet, it doesn't seem familiar to me' Shinji thought as he stared at it deeply and the music began to take in making him find himself escaping from his reality through another one of his SDAT induced sleeps.

_**Sometime later**_

Asuka made her way down to the Nerv locker rooms with an eager smile plastered across her face. If there was something she truly longed for in this world it'd have to be demonstrating her piloting abilities, which of course included her sync ratio.

She wasn't like either of her fellow pilots; she was carefully groomed to become the best in her field, she was submitted to arduous training from an early age and most importantly, she found life in piloting the Evangelion.

Part of this is also why a competitive nature had arisen between her and the third child. Asuka found that it was a disgrace for someone who was untrained and unskilled to be able to surpass her in combat, no, it wasn't possible and as so, she had to prove she was still the best.

As for the first child, wonder girl, she didn't see her as much competition regarding the piloting but still, even with her low sync ratio, at times the girl had managed to mock her leadership skills and the fact that she was commander Ikari's favorite simply infuriated her. She figured this was probably due to the fact that she was a mindless doll that blindly followed orders, which she'd come to realize as fact.

Asuka had managed to arrive promptly today, not that she was one for missing scheduled appointments but it was always Shinji that held her back most of the time.

She'd managed to spend the majority of her morning with Hikari at Tokyo-3's central park and it'd been fun talking to her friend, even if at times she solely insisted on the 'Shinji topic', however; Hikari knew not to pressure Asuka much in a subject she didn't want to discuss about.

Asuka figured it useless in repeating to herself how insignificant and how poorly Shinji's future actions affected her, instead, she'd just demonstrate it by going on as if it were nothing to her, which thanks to the return of her old self seemed more likely as time progressed.

For this very same reason at one point during their encounter, Asuka asked Hikari to set her up with one of the more mature boys from their school. She didn't know his name and she didn't care to learn it either, she just knew he was the type of boy, more like man, that many of the girls in her school dreamed of, it was only natural that he'd be interested in her, who wouldn't? Quite shockingly, it appeared Shinji was also on the want list from not nearly as much, but still plenty of girls, or so Hikari had stated before. It didn't matter though, they could keep him, she wanted the real deal.

Even though it was a rather poor related topic, adulthood and Evangelion piloting, the spark of competiveness was always present within Asuka. Proving she was fully grown into an adult had been a struggle for her since she could remember. First the failed attempt with Kaji, then that imbecile's cluelessness about several of her hints to that specific activity adults often practiced, and now that same **baka**, the oblivious little child from before, was beating her to it with some other girl.

As Asuka reached the locker rooms she quickly brushed off the remainder of the thoughts and continued on with the day's objective; getting the highest sync ratio possible. She quickly undressed, neatly hanged her clothes from their respective hook inside one on the lockers and proceeded to fit herself with the loose latex suit that would soon engulf every inch of her body below her neck.

After pressing the button on her plug suit's wrist handle that suctioned all the air from within, a small smirk crept on her as she felt the latex's texture become homogenous with her toned body. She quickly, but elegantly, fixed her long reddish hair and proceeded towards the test chambers.

_**Meanwhile in Tokyo-3's suburban area**_

Shinji wasn't sure what had occurred, it seemed that what had originally been planned as a way to pass time and possibly rest had turned into a long profound sleep. Luckily he'd managed to wake up a bit before the scheduled sync test and was already on his way towards the Nerv headquarters via the train that connected the surface to the bottom of the Geofront.

As he sat in on of the many wagons of the hanging train, Shinji stared through the window nearest to him and marveled at the Geofront's beauty. Luscious green pine forests covered the earth and a great lake near the center on if all demonstrated the sheer amount of resources Nerv must have had to make it all happen.

Shinji had always wondered where the light came from, it seemed strange to him that the Geofront possessed a rather luminous golden aura to it since the presence of the sun was, as he believed it to be, completely absent, still; what at amazing accomplishment to be able to build up such creation.

For the next few minutes Shinji kept staring at the massive complex that was Nerv headquarters. The outer view of the structure was in the form of a massive pyramid that overlooked the artificial lake. On one of the tips of the primary pyramid's base, a second pyramid began, only this one was of an inverted design and had its base covered by a see through crystal of some sort.

Shinji would have kept staring and wondering had the train not entered and joined one of the many access tunnels where one would board an elevator to reach the underground section of Nerv headquarters or, if you had a vehicle, continue down the access tunnel's path and reach the headquarters, so without further ado; Shinji stood up and stepped out the train and into the elevator that waited for him on one sides of the tunnel. With a slight press of a button the elevator opened up and he stepped inside to begin his usual descent into his routinely duties as a pilot.

It took the same amount of time it always did to arrive to arrive to the locker rooms, a few minutes, and he calmly changed himself into his plug suit and placed his respective A-10 clips atop of his head.

Shinji made his way down the elevator and began to clear his mind as he'd found out a while back that breaking concentration on wandering thoughts and feelings tended to heavily impact his sync ratio and only under special occasions, make the Evangelion enter a berserk state. It's not that he wanted to be an outstanding pilot; he really didn't mind his skills being under Asuka's or Rei's, but he had to admit that getting praise from his father was something he'd never forget. It was a strange thing to say that he felt good, if only momentarily, but that was something.

Finishing clearing his mind and seeing the doors to the elevator open, Shinji walked down a long hallway and stepped into the clear white analyzing room where Ritsuko, Maya, Misato and other Nerv employees tended to investigate thoroughly their test's results and pass a report to commander Ikari; his father.

As he entered the room, he noticed the blond haired woman sighing frustratingly as she flicked the pen held at the end of two of her fingers across a note pad she held tightly on one hand.

"You're late" the blonde woman stated coldly as she continued flicking the pen.

"I'm sorr-" he began to apologize but found himself interrupted by a frustrated looking Misato.

"Save the "I'm sorry" crap and learn to be responsible for your actions! Just head over to the entry point and get ready!" his guardian stepped in the conversation and glared at him.

Shinji didn't respond, instead he stood there in silence as he contemplated his guardian's, no, the major's sudden distantness.

"Well?" the stressed out Major asked threateningly as she raised an eyebrow.

"Ok" Shinji replied hiding his sudden discontent.

Shinji made his way down another long hallway and proceeded to enter the testing chamber, which was filled up halfway with LCL, where all three identically designed entry plugs found themselves located at an angle, with the exception of the numeral markings on each and the fact that his was the only one opened at the moment.

'I guess Rei and Asuka are already here' he thought as he entered his entry plug and the hatch came to a close leaving him in total darkness as the confined space began to flood with LCL.

"I hate this part" Shinji whispered to himself as the LCL began to reach his neck level and continued rising until it covered him completely.

Despite all the training and the different missions he'd been deployed at, he still couldn't get used to having to fill his lungs completely with the liquid before being able to breathe.

Shinji held his breath, as he usually tended to do, and waited until the LCL became ionized, in order to assimilate its fluid properties to those of air, before he began to intake the oxygenated Link Connect Liquid. Around this time, the control panel as well as the interface came to shine bright with light of different tones as he established his synchronization. The moment the monitors came to life and the interface established itself a voice came through the speakers and Shinji found himself feeling that all too familiar anger from before.

"And here I thought the great third would just run away again" Asuka spoke through the comms. and a live video feed opened up on Shinji's interface.

"Well, sorry to disappoint you" he replied almost plainly and closed his eyes to begin to concentrate on reaching his highest sync score.

"Is there anything else to expect from you? Why are you even here?" she asked annoyingly and laid back on her seat.

Shinji sighed and opened his eyes again; it seemed that question followed him everywhere.

'because I was told to' was what he wanted to answer her since it was the truth, but; ultimately "I don't know" was what he ended up replying in a meek manner before he turned off the live feed being received from the entry plug next to his.

At that same instant Shinji could have sworn he heard a banter of swears being aimed at him by the second child, however; he wasn't in any mood to pay mind to such comments and criticism, he needed to concentrate now.

Doing so, Shinji began to clear his mind. One by one all his interrogatives and problems began dissuading until he found himself drifting, no, immersed. The sensation was quite unpleasant at first, the only way he could explain it was with the feeling that one belonged to something greater.

_**Meanwhile**_

On one end of the testing chamber inside the analyzing room, the blond haired woman in her prime revised over the concurring results and only one question came to mind.

'How does this kid do it?' she thought hardly as she kept a fixed gaze on the synchronization ratio the third child was maintaining at a steady mark.

"Impressive" she said in awe as he'd risen another six points after his last test.

"If he keeps this up he'll catch up to Asuka's level, maybe even surpass it" Maya added and looked at her mentor for an approving nod.

"That aside, he's been acting strange lately" Misato stated as she took a sip of her coffee.

"Well he's a teenager, they're strange" Ritsuko replied with a roll of her eyes.

"I don't think he wants to live with me anymore" Misato said lowly and lowered her gaze.

Misato didn't blame him, in fact, she felt slightly responsible. The truth was that with Kaji, work and other extracurricular activities she barely had time to act as the two young pilots' guardian.

She'd always thought that taking him in was an irrational decision on her part, she knew nothing of parenting or the sort and she couldn't even take care of herself, added that, how could she take care of two emotionally, and mentally, distressed children.

"Well you're stuck with him until he decides to leave, or worse" Ritsuko said casually and headed over to a clear desk to begin her assessments on the day's test.

'I don't want him to leave' she thought in silence as she watched the blond begin to scribble away on her note pad.

The truth was that Misato did not want to lose them, neither of the two pilots under her guardianship. She'd actually come to care for them both, to trust them both. If it came to, she'd be willing to sacrifice her life for them, even if her absence at home demonstrated the contrary.

'Some role model I am' Misato thought earnestly as she reflected Asuka's harsh words the previous night.

Feeling herself sickened with disgust, she headed out the analyzing room after a short while and made her way to her office. Paperwork, yes, that kept her busy enough to help her forget how much of a terrible guardian she felt like. A good night shift and a call to Kaji would do it, sure she would feel guilty in the morning when she'd wake up overly hanged over and revolted but then she'd just do it all again; it was a never ending cycle.

For an odd reason Misato suddenly felt like crying, she felt imprisoned in a lifestyle of her own making, but she didn't; she was better than that. Instead, she pulled out the aluminum foiled cask she hid under her desk and took a big sip of the magical liquid it beheld. Feeling her mouth fill to a brim, she quickly gulped down the alcohol coated drink and felt the insides of her throat begin to burn; it felt good.

Who had she been kidding anyways, trying to escape her past torments by searching for comfort in anyone who'd spend the night. Kaji had told her many nights ago that she wasn't like Shinji running from her problems. If only he saw the things she'd done, how could she ever feel pure again?

Perhaps the worst of the matter was that she'd become more like her father in regards to family. Family, yes, that's what Shinji and Asuka were to her now and yet, she'd been so unconcerned for them lately. In all truth, this just made her realize something, something she'd heard a long time ago but found it meaningless until now.

"You tend to hurt the ones you love" she whispered and a tear managed to crease its way out her eye.

'I need something stronger' Misato managed to put through her mind as she finished drowning her sorrow with the alcohol.

Not wanting to spend any more time sober, Misato quickly reached for her red leather jacket and headed to the nearest pub she knew, for tonight, she would forget all her troubles in the arms of her man, or perhaps another, who knew.

_**Sometime later**_

Shinji was still deep in concentration when Ritsuko's voice came through and shattered the dome of peace and tranquility he'd found during his mind drift, and for reasons that evaded him at the time, her tone appeared much calmer and much enthusiastic than before.

"Alright that's all for today, good job" Ritsuko commended through all the comms. before signaling the green light to open the entry plugs and finalize the test.

As he got out of the his entry plug, Shinji glanced at his right and saw the pale skinned pilot of unit-0, Rei Ayanami, exit her plug and head out the testing chambers silently once the LCL had been withdrawn completely from the room. A quick glance to the left also revealed a proud standing Asuka give him nothing more than a demeaning look as their eyes met.

"Just remember who has the record sync ratio and rising" Asuka said venomously as she flicked her hair back and promptly exited the chamber to leave the third child in a room of solitude.

Maybe it was better this way, just seeing her from a distance and comforting himself that no one else got to have her, but even if that was that was the case now he knew it wouldn't always be like that. It was clear to Shinji that he definitely felt something strange for the girl, what it was however, was beyond him, and due to the current circumstances he stood in, Shinji figured it useless in trying to find out what it was.

At some point Shinji thought he'd figured her out, Asuka that is. She wasn't just a wild card, he'd assumed back then, but as all things must come to an end, so did this belief, and instead a new belief took its place. To him, Asuka truly was unpredictable, selfish and ruthless to those that showed any sign of appreciation to her, and for now he was contempt with knowing just that, and still; even at times, even when accompanied by Asami, he couldn't help but wonder 'what if?'

Beginning to realize that he'd just linger on infinitely if he followed the trend of thoughts the question arose, he quickly brushed them off and after some minutes, just enough so that he was absolutely certain he wouldn't run into Asuka near the locker rooms, or worse, inside them, he stepped out of the testing chamber.

Shinji proceeded to head to the locker rooms to bathe himself free of the scent of LCL and was pleasantly surprised to find neither of his fellow pilots in the premises. After a long relaxing cold shower, he changed into his casual attire from before and headed towards the elevator that took him towards the hanging train's station.

It must've been only a few minutes of waiting time in the crowded station before the train pulled up and Shinji, along with the masses of Nerv employees that had just ended their shifts, proceeded to enter it and find some space to accommodate themselves in before they reached the surface.

In the midst of the ride Shinji stared out the window again and saw an orange pallet of light cover the Geofront as night began to take over on Tokyo-3 and the first of many buildings began to bunker underground.

He hadn't really thought about how cold and distant Misato had been when he'd arrived at the test but it really bothered him that she of all people would lecture him about responsibility when in truth she knew nothing of it. Thinking back, he wished he'd snapped at her, just screamed at her or something for being so icy when she'd been dodging him and Asuka for days now.

Fury rose within him and he began to crumple his fists as he thought about her, how could she? Of all people he expected that kind of attitude but not her, she'd been so loving and caring at first. What the hell was happening to the people around him?

Shinji sighed and untightened his fists; it was pointless to get angry now, he figured, now that there was nothing to do about it. He considered Asuka's accusations to be truthful now, the ones regarding his ability to let people walk over him so easily, but she didn't know, no one did; no one understood that every time he let someone step over him, he did it because somewhere along the line he figured life was simpler that way. That's why he didn't protest, that's why he didn't bother refusing to do what was asked of him, and added to the cause, his father finally wanted him because of his actions, was it a sin to be wanted? Still, he couldn't deny he hadn't thought various times about letting loose, breaking free of everyone's grip and becoming the man he'd imagined himself being several times.

The rest of his trip was uneventful and he eventually stopped at Tokyo-3's central park to sit by the bench he'd grown quite familiar to over the past week. He and Asami would tend to sit by this bench and just hold each other as the night/day progressed which reminded him of how much he wanted to see her after the day's events, however; he soon found out that he just wasn't up for the trip to her apartment and then back to his, the test had left him mentally exhausted, he just needed to rest for today.

Time progressed as he sat in a solitary manner on the bench, people passed by, the sun sunk even deeper behind the remaining buildings that stood unsheltered over Tokyo-3, and yet, he hadn't made up his mind yet. As much as Shinji was tired, he also wasn't sure if he wanted to spend the night at his previous home, and even more so, he'd found Rei's place, apart from being a rundown, dreary, and depressing excuse for a home, comforting, or perhaps it was Rei herself the one to account for that feeling; he was unsure.

'I can't believe I'm running again' Shinji thought as he stood up and began to head towards Tokyo-3's less desirable district.

As he began his to embark his way, Shinji stopped after a few steps and looked back at the direction where he knew the Katsuragi residence lied. It was strange, he felt, somehow it was as if his gut was telling him to go back home, well, his former home that is.

He must've stood there for a full minute before finally coming into terms with a new decision. Shinji retraced the steps he'd walked just moments before in the opposite direction and then followed ahead towards the place that had once been called his home.

Shinji walked slowly with heavy strides towards the complex knowing fully that he would probably encounter Asuka alone, at this; he couldn't help but feel his heart pump quicker and his palms begin to transpire. Asuka tended to have this effect on him, at least outside of their work area. However, his mind was made up now, and although the possibility of turning back around and heading to Ayanami's place seemed pleasant at the moment, he was particularly tired of being the one to always leave.

'Not this time' Shinji stated internally a few minutes later as he reached the apartment building and headed up the elevator since the test had left him somewhat fatigued and tired.

Shinji proceeded by the norm and stepped out the elevator before heading to his right and reaching the final apartment entrance at the end of the hallway, the Katsuragi residence. He suddenly felt queasy as he held the key card in his hand and was about to slide it against the panel; he was unsure of what to think anymore. While he wanted to hate Asuka for disregarding him before, try as he may he couldn't do so, but still, he couldn't allow himself that kind of pain again, no, he'd already learned his lesson.

Shinji passed the key card and then opened the door, however as the door finally came to a full opening, only one word came out of his mouth in an erratic manner as he darted forward to access the situation; "Asuka!".

_**Moments before**_

Asuka struggled to keep the tapping of her foot under control as it became increasingly loud across the apartment complex but she simply couldn't control all the rage built up inside her any longer. She hurriedly opened the front door and slammed it back without much thought as she entered the apartment; she needed to be alone now. Glancing around to recheck if any of the other occupants were present within view, she was delighted to find them absent.

Not thinking it twice, she quickly made way to the kitchen table and slammed her fists on the surface as hard as she could suffice. The table shifted back at the force of the strike and Asuka found her hands stinging in pain as she recovered from the deliverance of the blow.

Feeling even more ire now that she realized just how stupid her previous action was as she saw the backfire, Asuka grabbed for the nearest object within grasp and settled for a plate before hurling it at the wall to the hallway that led to the front door, where, the plate smashed itself into an abundant supply of shards and pieces.

"That fucking asshole!" she yelled through gritted teeth and let herself fall with weak knees onto the carpet beneath her.

Piloting was her life and now this lowlife nobody was threatening to surpass her. Asuka could almost recall the blond haired bitch's smug face as she gave her the news.

"Well Asuka, looks like you're going to have to step it up a notch" Ritsuko had stated as Asuka entered the analyzing room to view her score.

"What do you mean step up a notch?! I'm the best pilot you've got!" She replied menacingly as the older woman parted eyes from her notepad and glared at her.

"Well then, you'll be glad to know Shinji is seven points from you" Ritsuko retorted and a grin came over her face, almost as if to say she was pleased with the redhead's sudden change in expression.

"That fucking bitch!" Asuka screamed out and smashed her fists on the carpet as she recalled the previous conversation.

She lay there atop of her knees and fists with empty eyes for a few minutes as she recovered from her previous breakdown and endlessly reminded herself why she had to pilot, why it was that she had to be the best. Everything she'd worked so hard on building, everything she'd sacrificed to be at the top and now it was in jeopardy, no, she wouldn't let it happen, she'd die before succumbing under him or anyone.

"Asuka Langley Sohryu is the best there is!" she reassured herself as she collected herself from the floor and reviewed the mess she'd made.

"You're not taking this from me Ikari. No one is" she whispered decisively as she neared the wall where the plate had erupted and began to pick up the pieces.

As she handled the sharp ends of the plate she managed to sustain a gash on her right hand and almost impulse her hand let go of the pieces she'd gathered, which fell upon the hard tile surface to shatter into more minuscule pieces.

"Agghh! **Fick Mich**! **Ich flippe gleich aus**!" Asuka swore as she pressed her hand tightly and sat down a few steps away from the shards.

Asuka laid her head back to the wall as she considered what to do next, a sudden stinging around her eyes deemed it certain she would tear up and cry; she didn't. It seemed to her that the day she had previously planned hadn't existed at all, it was as if fate was adding insult to injury by making the twerp increase his ratio.

"Heh, fate, that's a good one" she said hoarsely as the stinging from her hand numbed out and with it came a sudden faintness.

"I make my own fate" she stated as she picked herself up and headed towards the bathroom to patch her hand up.

The cut wasn't deep, that however didn't mean it was superficial too. Asuka figured she didn't need stiches as the bleeding had partially stopped and it wasn't that long to begin with. Carefully taking out the bottle of disinfectant, the medical tape, some length of bandage gauze and some pieces of cotton, she began to work on her injury and cleansed the wound before wrapping the gauze around her hand and then putting a bit of tape on the sides to prevent it from falling.

"Better than that blonde bitch could've done" Asuka held as she reviewed her finished product and a haughty smile appeared on her.

As she exited the bathroom and stepped into the living room she oversaw the mess she'd made. Near the front door lay a surfeit of shards and fragments of plate ceramic, some of these stained with the dark red drops of blood made by her initial contact with the remains. She carefully considered cleaning it up again but voted against it since the dizziness from earlier increased.

"Ughh! Fucking great!" Asuka cursed as she leaned into the wall and kept herself from falling.

Asuka supposed it was a side effect from the day's stress and the recent cut as she slowly slid down the wall and rested herself upon the soft fabric of the carpet. As time went on she found herself blacking out quietly until suddenly, almost in a haze, she saw the front door open and behind it the cause of her problems as she continued on a slow process to passing out. The next minute was quite confound for her as she sensed him rush towards her and revise her thoroughly before hoisting her up to take her somewhere which she supposed was her room.

She shouldn't have felt safe and secure in his arms, he, the one that she'd almost allowed in through her barriers; the same one that had so easily tossed aside everything he'd said after another woman had entered his life, but as life would have it, she did, and she regretted it instantly.

"Are you ok?!" and "what happened?!" where shouted out by him as she continued down the path to oblivion in his arms, but she didn't respond him. Instead their eyes met again in a way that occurred before she'd so casually destroyed his feelings, but again, she had to, it was for the best. Perhaps for a second she forgot everything that had occurred in the past week, and in that second she would've probably held onto him before passing out, however she was too proud for such things.

In her last act before consciousness left her, Asuka mumbled a few words, words that had shook him before and would no doubt shake him again, if he even cared that is.

"I.. Hate you" she said inaudibly and lost consciousness.

**Author's notes:** Well it's finally ready after a three week delay, excuse me for that, although to be honest I was dealing with relatives visiting so my free time reduced itself entirely.

Anyways, I'm beginning work on chapter 6 and it seems act 1 is almost coming to an end, just 3 more chapters I believe. I recommend whoever isn't into angst and dark themes to not read act 2, you could just act like nothing ever happens after act 1's final chapter.

I just want to say one thing, or actually various things. I want to thank my two awesome pre-readers, you're both amazing and I honestly appreciate everything you do; your ideas, your constant corrections, always attempt on how the story is handling. I feel like you guys don't get enough credit, you are definitely essential to the making of this fanfiction and this humble writer thanks you both: **Seeking Professional Help** and **ChaddyManPrime**.

As always guys have a good one and review if possible, which reminds me, not many people fully understand the impact of reviews on writers. I swear, every time I feel like I'm incapable of producing and creating something good I take a look back at your reviews and it just awes me the things some of you say, whether it's a criticism or a praise it just motivates me, that also goes for my pre-reader's attention, you all ROCK!

Yours truly,

JCM


	6. Chapter 6

_**CHAPTER 6**_

As Shinji sat on the soft cushion the living room couch offered he continued the endeavor that was reproaching himself. Had he not been careless, had he stuck to his original mindset. He probably wouldn't feel that heaviness across his chest, the ever growing pit in his stomach; the pain. In this instance there was no one to blame but himself. He'd willingly went against his better judgment and let himself become prey to her twisted humor.

Perhaps even worse than the end result of his selfless act was that in the very end, as if to add insult to injury, he still had to clean up her mess. As much as he was beginning to dislike this place, the Katsuragi residence that is, there was no point in not taking care of it while he still lived there. So it was with great resentment he had kneeled, both figuratively and literally, before Asuka's presence again and cleaned up the debris of her rage, scrubbed away the stains of her venom coated blood, and then thrown himself atop the couch to begin a demoralizing session of how this had been his doing, which; he had half a mind to consider that, that was what she was aiming for. There was no longer any doubt for him that she enjoyed seeing him suffer, it was what she strived for outside her piloting, still; upon seeing her lying on the floor barely staying conscious a chill had run down his spine and that part of him that was drawn to the ginger haired girl had sprung out and taken over. He'd entered a frenzy in which he, much as he try, couldn't control himself. What else was he to do anyways? Leave her be? No, instead he had run towards her frail body and gotten one long look at her pale looking skin, the soaked bandage around her hand, and her slowly turning eyes. Needless to say he was frightened; he didn't want anything bad occurring to her, and he begrudged that.

How was it possible that he still cared for someone as heartless as her? The only girl he'd ever even dared to open himself to, to leave himself defenseless to, to trust, and to wound him without remorse. Things were already at the bottom of a steep incline and now, he really doubted they could salvage some sort of friendship, but if he had to be honest; he preferred it that way. Who would want to maintain by the side of someone who'd continuously let you down and inflicted pain on you?

Shinji sighed as he turned his gaze to the balcony; whispers of long sunk memories filled the room around him as he remembered the times they'd sit down and stare at the sunsets together. A single tear tore through and escaped his eye as he considered that they would probably never share that experience again. No matter how much she'd hurt him, no matter how much some part of him resented her fully; he understood now, he knew that there was a part of him that she had slowly claimed without him realizing it.

Wiping the lonesome tear that dragged down his cheek, Shinji stood up and headed to the balcony as he began to recall the time she'd permitted him to hold her. Almost as if on cue another tear broke out and slowly slid down the same path as the last one. The time had been after their sync training, and he could almost smell the scent of her auburn hair now as he detailed her laying on his shoulder on that afternoon. The sun setting down behind the skyline as he continued to pay attention to all the details about her; it was just him and her for some time. Now here he was, standing in the dark of the night on the verge of tears as he recalled distant times that would be lost to life's constant changes.

Shinji swallowed heavily and exhaled to keep himself from leaking anymore sorrow into the night. He couldn't permit this to go any longer, he couldn't allow himself this torment of reminiscence, but; there are times in a person's life one just can't hold it in and the dam that's been holding everything back just overflows and you have to hang on through the drainage, and Shinji held on. He wept in silence, he despised himself for doing so but he continued nonetheless until finally, after spending sometime standing out in the balcony with dry tear marks embedded into his skin, he decided to enter the apartment, and call it a night.

* * *

_**MEANWHILE**_

She slowly traced circles around the glass cup's border, a smooth entrancing sound flowing through the air as she did so. Misato wasn't fond of this night club; she only came here when she was desperate for companionship, a way to fill in that emptiness she felt all too often now, as well as keep her mind of the daily troubles, if not the repressed feelings she harbored still.

In the background, the heavy bass of the music resonated within the club's acoustically sealed walls as various people lost themselves to the mosh pit that was the dance floor and partook in an extravagant display of senseless acrobatics. It didn't take long for the man in his late 20's to be noticed by her. As soon as he entered, the club the atmosphere had somehow changed, and if she had to come clean; she was actually glad it would be him to spend the night with her, not that she didn't mind spending it with another.

With a sly looking smile and an outing of his preferred carton of cigarettes; the unshaven bachelor made his way towards his black dressed, purple haired lover who sat at the end of the bar. "Care for a smoke?" Kaji asked enthrallingly as he perched up on the stool and counter beside her.

"Now's as good a time as ever" Misato replied frustratingly while sliding one cigarette out and taking it between two fingers before the man accompanying her pulled out a lighter, and ignited it.

"Why so glum Katsuragi? Last I remember you love our little encounters" Kaji whispered to her ear as his smile grew wider.

"What do you know about love?" She asked sounding annoyed before she inhaled the end of the cigarette and swallowed the thick Mentos flavored smoke.

"Didn't we already talk about this?" Kaji replied in a somewhat serious manner as he stared into her eyes and lit up his own cigarette.

Misato sighed and exhaled the smoke, her brow creasing as she did so. "You don't understand" she finally let out and returned the gaze.

"I can try" He replied as he reeled in for a kiss but met the soft skin of her palm.

"Let's just.. I don't know.. You want to go somewhere else?" Misato asked with pleading eyes as she took her hand away from his confound face.

"Isn't that what we always end up doing?" Kaji answered with a frown.

"Yeah, so?" Misato stopped in the midst of her smoke and glared at him.

"I'm just saying; why don't we try to do things differently this time around?" He responded and put out the remainder of his cigarette before reaching into his pocket, and pulling out a handful of bills for the tab Misato had accumulated since arrival.

"It is different, we're not dating anymore" Misato replied as she stood up and fitted herself in her red leathered jacket.

"You know, back then before you ran off I wanted to tell you something" Kaji whispered as he recalled their shared days back in college.

"What was it?" Misato asked as she grabbed her purse and looked at him.

"Maybe someday I'll tell you" Kaji replied as he stood up and led the way to the motel.

* * *

_**NEXT MORNING**_

He stood idle as the red tinted grains of sand succumbed into the thin gap of the hourglass and fell onto a growing pile at the bottom. Here he was in front of the hourglass that he'd seen a handful of times before, and as was the norm, he hesitantly took a seat and stared at the steady cascade of sand before him.

The hourglass had a wooden frame to it, dry and pasty timber that seemed scorched on the lower end. The glass that contained the red flow of sands was in pristine conditions, and embedded into it were the words '_the price all men must pay_'.

"Death" Shinji whispered as he stared at the markings and creased his temple in thought.

He continued analyzing the etchings of interest and noticed a small rounded object on the other side of the glass. Slowly, he stood up and walked forth to the hourglass and upon reaching it; he knelt and leaned forward to better inspect the discovery. There, half buried by the red stained sand lay a pin, scorched for the most part but still readable in some areas '_my idiot_'.

Suddenly, the reflection of himself on the glass appeared dismembered and charred, his carbon covered cheekbones and teeth fully exposed as the muscle and skin covering them had burnt away. Where his right arm used to be, all that remained was his scalded bicep and the bone beneath it, and the rest of him; the rest of him was gone.

Frightened, Shinji gasped and threw himself back to look at his current state. It had been a mirage of some sort; he mustered as he felt his limbs up for added proof. His breath was ragged and edged; the sight had bemused him greatly. After all, how often did one see themselves in such gruesome manner?

'Jesus..' he trembled as he looked back at the place he'd seen the horrid visage of himself. 'My arm..' he thought shakily as he squeezed his arm again. 'Oh god and why was I missing m-' he suddenly lost all trains of thought as an abrupt urge to gag overtook him. His efforts to contain the bile were futile as the ground beside him became covered in an oily like substance. Its odor slowly clawing its way up his nostrils and burning as they did so. "Wha-" he began before bringing his hands up to his mouth and coughing out blood. The bile's fetor felt like acid to his insides, as if it were slowly feasting on his entrails and lungs. "Let it out" a voice slowly whispered to him from the shadows as he sprawled out on the bile covered ground and began to gag in a puddle of his own blood.

Shinji began springing his arms and legs about, twisting around the ground as he desperately tried to breathe. Added to this, the bile that managed to make contact with his skin began eating away at the flesh. He would've been screaming from the unbearable pain had he not been suffocating and losing consciousness, but before his torment would come to a halt; His despair grew as a pleading Asuka lay in front of him.

"Save me" she pleaded to him before something pierced her chest and she became a limp figure.

Shinji awoke to a haunting sound of sirens coming from outside his building. A methodical rhythm played back and forth. It started with a low noise then gradually grew to a terrifying uproar that echoed across his room. His veins suddenly began transporting ice as the realization that an _Angel_ had appeared again.

"**Scheiβ**" A vulgar German down the hall blurted out and Shinji began hearing frantic movement in the room next to his. Seconds passed by and the sound of footsteps that closed in on his room became louder. Followed by a powerful slide/slam of the door to his room; Asuka quickly moved in and proceeded to kick him awake, unknown to her that the unfortunate boy in front of her had already awoken and grew bitter by the second.

"Wake up you snoring idiot!" the ornery German blurted as she kicked him again.

"Yes, because the loud sirens making my ears bleed haven't woken me yet" Shinji replied sarcastically and irritatingly as he stood from his mat and headed over to his window. "So what now?" he asked as he looked over to the fortress city getting prepped for an impending siege.

"What do you mean what?! We kill it obviously" Asuka responded the half-witted question. "And why not show some gratitude the next time I wake you up?! I swear, are all children this ungrateful?!" she asked rhetorically and cursed her luck.

"Speaking of ungrateful children.." He began as he took a step back from the glass panel and turned around to face her, annoyance preset onto his face. "How's the hand?" he asked finally and pointed at the hand wrapped in gauze and medical tape.

Asuka pondered the inquiry and recalled the somewhat hazy events of the night before. An unfortunate thing to do since she recalled the utter and pure hatred she'd felt. The feeling of having one thing taken from her and another being threatened to suffer a similar destiny. She'd blatantly forgotten this as she'd woken to the distressing sirens, but she was damned to remember. Nonetheless an opportunity had just presented itself, and she'd be on the forefront of it. Killing the _Angel_ would surely reassure her status as ace. It was time to prove to both Shinji and the biggest whore in the planet, Ritsuko, just who the hell Asuka Langley Sohryu was. Using her built up ire as her drive; her brow became rugged and her stare intense. "We're leaving now third!" She commanded completely ignoring the previous question and swiftly turned around and vacated the room.

Shinji raised an eyebrow and sighed. "Good morning to you to Asuka" he murmured irksomely and proceeded to outfit himself for the trip to _NERV HQ_.

* * *

_**MOMENTS BEFORE, ELSEWHERE**_

Intertwined between sweat tarnished clothing, bed overlays and used rubber protections; two lovers shamefully regretted their actions and basked in the ambiance of their endeavor. Her purple tinted hair was sprawled over his chest and an half used cigar lay clamped between his lips. They were still recovering after a night of torrid passion, or to most, just unadulterated lust. Either way now that their initiative was over with, both lay unpleased in some aspect or another.

For him, the affair, though usual especially with this particular partner with whom he had so much backstory with, didn't suffice him anymore; he wanted something different now. However he'd fallen in with his carnal desires again and achieved nothing. Perhaps it was not meant to be, which was funny considering he'd hoped this time things would've changed. Nevertheless the time and setting were not appropriate to discuss such a thing, but then again; when was the right time for such a thing, especially with a woman like Misato.

For her, the previous sessions were nothing more of what she was accustomed to. She'd always make resolutions to stop with un-accelerated search for companionship whenever she'd get lonely; resolution she'd always falter in and end up in similar places feeling sordid and sullied. It was a cycle she'd been accepting of since her late adolescence. Fitting the man who'd introduce this destructive lifestyle was lying next to her after so long; it really was a small world.

"Kaji…?" Misato began probingly as she fiddled around with the hair on his lower abdomen with her index finger.

"Hmm?" He replied as he removed the cigarette, whose flame had long died out, from his mouth.

"D-Do you think I'm broken?" She asked him and sat up to face him; the rooms dim light illuminated her exposed and scarred chest.

"Hey now" kaji said as he raised his upper body to meet hers and embraced her. "I think we're all broken" he added and chuckled as he let her head rest on his shoulder and pressed his cheek onto her scalp.

"Well that's reassuring" Misato responded and rolled her eyes. "You know if we hurry I think we could go another ro-" she began her indecent proposal but was cut off at the interloping sound coming from outside; sirens.

"Well that's some great timing" Kaji let out disappointedly. "I don't suppose the offer stands?" he added jokingly and watched as Misato gave him an earnest stare and separated from his arms to begin getting dressed. "I guess that's a no.." he sighed and joined her on regaining his clothing atop his body.

* * *

_**MEANWHILE**_

"Any idea what it'll look like this time?" Shinji asked the naturally auburn tinged girl next to him who resolved not to dignify the interrogator with an answer. "So the silent treatment?" he asked with a raised eyebrow and leaned back on the car's seat. "I suppose so" he annexed.

The black sedan that had been assigned to pick them up continued to speed through the highway bordering the city; it appeared that the city's downtown, particularly the east business district, had been compromised by the angel's presence and a more alternative route had to be taken. The sirens had died out by now and instead a bleak silence surrounded the city, as if both parties waited ambiguously for the other to make a move.

On the other end of the car Asuka leaned towards the window and stared deep towards the armored city. She couldn't see her target yet, and she hardly knew what to expect from it; it wasn't as if angels had similar characteristics then the ones that foreboded them. That being said she was knowledgeable at three facts. All _Angels_ had cores, _AT fields_, and for some unknown reason to her; they all converged on Tokyo-3.

Asuka's thoughts were soon drained however, as a massive ink like sphere came into view in the distance. There, slightly above the city's profile, hovered the carbon colored globe with slim streaks of white displayed on its body. "Doesn't look so tough if you ask me" Asuka surmised and smirked, mostly to herself as the boy next to her simply kept staring at the _Angel_.

"Why is it just staying there though?" Shinji asked aloud and moved towards Asuka's end of the car as he kept a fixed eye on it.

"Right, because I'd know that" Asuka responded mordantly and went back to silently looking out the window. Apparently the twerp beside her hadn't picked up the signals that she did not mean to direct any sort of conversation with him. Soon however; she realized Shinji was almost leaning on her to stare out as well.

"I guess you wouldn't, would you?" he responded back more of a statement than a query, his shoulder slightly grazing hers, and gave up trying to talk.

"Hey!" She barked and immediately jolted around to face him; her cheeks a lively pink and eyes broadened in surprise. "You-you're way to close third!" She reprimanded instinctively and pushed him away as she found it hard to concentrate with such close proximity.

"Alright! Alright!" He shouted as she shoved him back to his end. "I just wanted to get a better view.." he defended as she finally settled down and continued staring out the window.

The sun was just about rising now and dawn was settling in on the region. Golden light was beginning to shower the skies; and the giant orb, masked behind the splendor, left a huge area of the city in the shadows, and still; no movement. Reconnaissance fighters circled above the city's downtown and from time to time swooped down to provoke some kind of reaction from the _Angel_. This however; was ineffective.

"We're almost at the platform" the section-2 operative driving the vehicle stated and pointed towards the giant concrete tunnel excavated into the side of an upcoming mount.

The customary section-2 car they were currently traveling in detoured from the main road and instead drove into the access tunnel where a vertical access elevator was promptly waiting for them. As they exited their vehicle a plethora of _NERV_ staff was in the midst of running around frantically preparing the auxiliary defenses; which unfortunately were mostly cannon fodder as no ordinary man made weapon could penetrate _AT fields_. Truth was they served an ulterior purpose; buying the pilots time in order to respond to the attack.

Shinji and Asuka, in accord to their previous silence, hurriedly made their way along with their escorts to one of the vertical elevators on which they descended to the _Geofront's_ surface. From there on another of similar section-2 vehicle transported them to the _NERV_ HQ. An unpleasant ride for both adolescents as they'd often stole glances at each other whilst a deadening reserve of words overtook them. At one point when both had managed to make eye contact, Shinji had been prompted to say something but changed his mind after Asuka turned her head sharply to look the other way; and that'd been the end of that.

Reaching their destination, both pilots made their way towards the locker room, a unisex room for the personnel where they'd find their individual plug suits waiting for them. As they walked along the pristine white halls of the _NERV HQ_ Shinji knew he'd probably regret it afterwards but nonetheless; he grabbed ahold of Asuka's arm and forced her to a stop while making her turn to face him. The irritable ginger growled and began to tighten her fists at the action.

"What the hell thi-" Asuka began ranting but refrained from speaking as the third child tightened his grip and stared her down.

"Every time we go out there, there's a chance we could die.." Shinji began and trailed off as he got lost in his own thoughts regarding his nightmares.

"Well congratulations third" Asuka butted in sarcastically. "You get a prize for stating the obvi-" Asuka's eyebrow twitched and she snarled as she was cut off by the child in front of her.

"Listen!" he spoke loudly and for the first time, with authority; much to Asuka's surprise. "You said some things, and I-I just can't believe them" he continued and spoke; his voice shaking towards the end. "So just tell me, I want you to tell me! Did you really mean that?!" Shinji finished asking and turned to look elsewhere as he waited for her response.

Asuka stared at the figure in front of her with pity. Strange as it was her previous anger had somehow gotten suppressed. It was for that very same reason she thought it better to make this a clean cut rather than dragging this on like the last times. "Yes" she replied coldly and soft in tone, as if to prevent herself from hearing it. It didn't take long for her feel the grip of his hand on her forearm dissuade and leave behind reddish marks outlining and filling it. She'd never been grabbed like that before, such crude strength and demand in it; he must've been feeling frustrated for a while, or so she assumed.

"Alright, let's go" Shinji replied uncaringly and walked ahead immediately, detaining her benefit to see him reactive to the failure that was his final attempt.

* * *

_**SOMETIME LATER**_

Shinji sat in his entry plug silently. He'd been clobbered by Asuka once again. He damned her for doing so, and cursed himself for even caring but despite the outcome; she'd at least had the resolve to plummet the fantasy he'd conjured, and for that he was grateful. It now lay in the depths of his heart where all the other things that caused him pain remained. From now on he'd play blind to his emotions regarding her, so long as she was safe he'd conform. Either way those feelings had always seemed to steer him towards more pain.

Shinji sighed and looked over to Asuka's Unit-02 in the hangar next to him. He'd developed this habit a while back where he'd often find himself staring at her and wonder as to what it was about her. Why he wanted to be around her even despite her aggressiveness, and how she often put him down and hurt him. There's a feeling he'd always pictured and imagined, and in his deepest memories he'd reminisce of his mother's figure giving him a hug, which was the closest he'd come to experience it. It was love.

Shinji felt embracing warmth on his chest as he remembered that faint memory, but as all the good things in his life; it vanished. It was a temporary placebo to a time when he'd known what that was. Glumness swam around the cockpit, accompanying him, making him sterile to the outside world. He was drifting now, and in truth, he hadn't even begun to realize his synchronization was beginning to rise. The Evangelion suddenly seemed so welcoming and caring, and the warmth he'd felt before was back.

"Not yet" A voice he couldn't discern filled the pod, suddenly breaking him away from the occurrence he had yet to realize or, even less, understand.

"Uh-huh" Shinji replied uncaringly and continued staring at Unit-02.

* * *

_**MEANWHILE**_

"Oh my.." the blond scientist overseeing the hangar where the _Evangelions_ were being prepped voiced with amazement. Ritsuko stared at the purple behemoth from behind the glass of the hangar's command room and smirked. Somehow that kid always managed to rise above expectations and prove his value. "Impressive, isn't it Misato?" she asked prideful and turned her monitor to show her friend the steady increment of Unit-1's sync ratio.

"Tha-that´s Shinji´s?!" Misato blurted out in surprise as she neared the monitor. "How is he doing that?" she quickly turned to ask the lab coat who took a sip of her coffee.

"I was hoping you could tell me" she answered truthfully as she placed her mug on the desk. "If Shinji has discovered a way to raise synchronization.." Ritsuko began. "You understand the importance of this don't you?" she added and turned to look at the Captain.

"Well... He has being going out with this one girl from school a lot lately" Misato responded with her hand on her chin whilst still deep in thought. "Wait a minute! You don't think Shinji could've…" she commenced but found it difficult to complete her inquiry for an odd reason.

"What? Engage in intercourse?" Ritsuko added in the blank and chuckled. "Well, I Guess it is always the quiet ones" She sustained the thought amusingly. "Perhaps he really is like hi-" she began but rapidly halted her sentence. A few more seconds and she would've revealed something not delicate to the ears of a fellow coworker.

Luckily for Ritsuko however, Misato hadn't paid any mind to that as she was mostly focused on the possibility of Shinji participating in such acts. He just seemed so pure and innocent; there was no way he'd already been involved with someone. "What're you insane?!" Misato asked shockingly as she waved her arms around in dispute. "Shinji's just a child! He wouldn't do that!" Misato defended and sighed.

"Geez Misato. Don't get so riled up" Ritsuko butted in calmly in response to the scandalous woman next to her. "Plus, you haven't exactly been the purest of role models" She continued and cracked a faint laugh as Misato suddenly began staring her down. "You know I'm joking, right?" the blond added suddenly after catching the woman's death glare.

"It's alright. I just…" Misato commenced. "I ju- Never mind, it's stupid" she concluded. "I'll be in the command room Rits" She quickly furthered as she turned away from the doctor and began walking towards the door; leaving her female companion with a risen eyebrow in the process.

* * *

_**MEANWHILE**_

Call it a sixth sense but she could feel his eyes penetrating the _Evangelion's_ armor plating and organic tissue. Even now Asuka could feel them probing about, and she wondered; did they harbor resentment? Maybe hate? She really couldn't tell as he'd kept his back to her the whole time since her revelation, and now; he was masked behind his _Evangelion_. She cringed at the thought of it, that'd been the third time to damage him for the sake of her career as a pilot.

It was mind warping to Asuka how she'd almost become dependent of him and how she'd managed to be pushed to the edge by the likes of him. She'd always been competitive in all aspects of her life, but with Shinji; this was different. There was something about him that made it all the more imperative to surpass him; he was a reminder of her old self. Adding that to the peculiar attitude of that inbred doctor the day before, she'd finally snapped. It was probably a good thing Shinji wasn't around at its climax, as in her previous state she wouldn't have hesitated beating the worthless tool to a pulp. Would she? The thought hadn't even crossed her mind when he'd gotten inside her personal space earlier on. She'd even gone and blushed at the act, completely ignoring everything she'd conjured about hating him, but damn it all; it felt good to at least be talking to him again.

Asuka pressed her forehead firmly with one hand and sighed. The door mat known as Shinji was still causing disorder inside her mind. She most definitely had the resolve to do what it took to ensure her status as number one would not be questioned, but; it was in moments like these that she became distraught and began questioning her goals and motives. A few months back this wouldn't have been an occurrence, but it was him; Shinji. He was making her soft, and that was unforgivable.

Asuka gritted her teeth, and had it not been for the captain checking in on the pilots as the according preparations for the operation reached their completion; she would've lingered on the matter. She silently thanked the indecent role model she had for a guardian and regained her focus. There was no room for mistake as this _Angel_ had reportedly managed to pass all perimeter and orbital defenses without a single trace; and to top it off it had detained himself directly over _NERV HQ_. This made them oblivious as to how it would unwind in its siege and just what type of destructive power it possessed. They were going in blind.

"Final preparations complete. You guys ready on your end?" Captain Katsuragi asked the three pilots who each replied with assent. "Alright. Remember the plan guys" she said tersely before retaking her previous briefing. "Rei will position herself north and provide long range support for both Units-01 and 02" She began and displayed the 2D map marked with each one's positions on each pilot's HUD. "Shinji you'll be engaging the Target once Asuka gets in position to flank and terminate" she tarried and displayed the equipment provided for each. "Finally. Asuka you'll have to destroy the _Angel's_ core with the prototype _Progressive Axe_" She culminated her briefing and each pilot concurred to their assigned task.

"I'll just have to add another Angel to my kill count" Asuka smirked loudly. "Which is four, in case you wondered third" She added venomously.

"Sure thing" Shinji replied uncaringly causing the pilot in red to loosen her temper.

"Listen you lit-" Asuka began raving loudly until Misato intervened.

"Quiet you brats!" Misato swiftly cut in with authority. "This is not the time for this! Get ready to commence the operation!" she finished venting and was satisfied to hear silence in return. "_Evas_ launch!" the captain roared as the three _Evangelions_ suddenly hurled towards the surface at incredible speeds through various vertical railings.

The amount of force she felt pushing her down into her seat was commendable; Asuka found herself unable to maneuver in the slightest during the brief journey up. Her lungs were exuberantly relieved once the _Evangelion_ had reached the surface and she took in deep breaths as she looked around for her equipment. There, three buildings down from hers she spotted the delivery shaft suddenly pop out and bring with it the Axe she'd been instructed of.

Not hesitating it; Asuka meticulously got into a more concealed stance by crouching and headed out to gear up. She was a few blocks out from the _Angel's_ hovering position so stealth was a must as she'd rather avoid firsthand what the _Angel's_ offensive looked like.

"Unit-02 geared up and headed over to position" Asuka breathed through keeping her voice low, as if cautious the _Angel_ would hear.

"Roger that Asuka. What's Unit-01 and 00's current status?" the purple haired captain questioned.

"Unit-00 in position" Rei promptly responded.

"Unit-01 moving into position" Shinji stated.

"Geez. Try to not hold us back Shinji" Asuka commented haughtily as she reached her designated point of attack and ducked behind a building. "Unit-02 in position" Asuka began. "Changing power sources" She added as she removed her previous umbilical cable and reached for another one that was sited in the building beside her.

"Hold on! I think it's looking at me" Shinji quickly replied annoyingly as he continued treading behind the row of buildings that lead to his position.

"What'd you mean looking at you?! It's a black sphere!" Asuka questioned the idiocy of the previous statement. "It could be looking at anything!" she finished.

"You never shut up, do you?" Shinji retorted sarcastically. "Besides, this thing is- like right on top of me" he answered indifferently and continued towards his destination whilst keeping an eye on any sudden movements the _Angel_ might have.

"You sa-" Asuka began as the boy's response had made several veins in her head burst out of anger, but was callously interrupted by the likes of her Captain.

"Can you two just concentrate on the matter at hand?!" Misato asked and sweat dropped.

Asuka breathed in deeply. "Yeah, yeah" Asuka eased down for the moment and stopped pursuing the confrontation.

"I'm here-I'm here!" Shinji communicated irksomely behind his cover as he readied his weapon. "I don't like that it's just floating there" He added as he took aim.

"Don't worry Shinji, if all goes right that _Angel's_ not going to have time to react" Misato answered trying to soothe the doubts. "Everyone's in position. On your go Asuka" she directed briefly afterwards.

"The great Shinji scared?" Asuka asked mockingly. "hmmpft. Pathetic" she rudely detailed as she glanced at the _Angel_.

"Let's just finish this.." Shinji reasoned and awaited the signal.

"Alright. Wait for it" Asuka ordered. "Wait for it…" she repeated again as she tightened the grip on her axe. "Go!" She yelled as both Shinji and Rei opened fire on the shadowy orb, and she gathered the impulse necessary to jump from behind cover and impale the core of, nothing. The _Angel_; it had vanished.

"It's gone!" Shinji stated in disbelief as he looked around frantically for the angel.

"What the hell?!" Asuka gasped and lowered her axe.

"We've lost all of the Angel's readings on this en-" Misato suddenly halted her sentence as the _Angel's_ readings popped back in the displays of the command center. "What the hell is this!?" Misato let out muddled. "Oh God" She added as she saw the _Angel's_ new localization. "Get out of there Units-01 and 02! It's right under you!" She ordered frantically.

Asuka immediately focused on the concrete beneath her to find a tar like substance completely covering it. "What the-" she began and suddenly saw Unit-01 sinking in the blackness, and when the buildings next to her began to descend as well; she quickly jumped to grapple a nearby building by cleaving her axe in its side.

"What is this!? I can't get out!" Shinji yelled desperately as he unloaded his pistol's rounds into the _Angel's_ body, only to see the pellets swallowed in like naught. "Die you bastard! DIE!" he shouted as he continued releasing a relentless barrage of pellets. "Get me out of here!" he shouted as a sudden numbness overtook his legs.

"Shin-" Asuka began to shout in worry but stopped herself when she heard Misato order them to evacuate.

"All remaining Units get out of there!" a hardened Misato commanded and slammed the desk in front of her with fury.

"What about Sh-" Asuka instinctively began to ask but was a quarter of a second too late as Ayanami inquired before she could finish.

"We can't do anything if you're all swallowed into that _Angel_!" the Captain retorted angrily.

"You're leaving me in here!?" Shinji asked puzzled.

"Shinji yo-you idiot!" Asuka shouted at her counterpart nervously who was just about to be swallowed as she continued hoping from edifice to edifice, trying to escape the sea of darkness that had consumed most of the center of the city.

"No wait! Don-" Shinji screamed at the top of his lungs before completely disappearing into the pit of darkness.

The perception of the ordeal was not elusive to any of his senses, a side effect present because of his synchronization. He shuddered as he suddenly found himself entirely engulfed in a void within finite constrictions, quite the oxymoron. The sensation was that of being sprayed with icy foam until numbness spread through his limbs and the rest of his body parts. An ocean of milk lay in plain sight for him to marvel at. Endless white light everywhere as if he'd stepped out of reality and into literal nothingness. The only sounds present were the ones coming within the Evangelion itself, him breathing, moving around, and waiting; which unfortunately for him, he'd have to do a lot of.

No communications, no energy, and he wasn't entirely sure they were orchestrating a rescue mission; not that he cared. He knew luck wasn't and attribute that lasted forever, it had to run out sometime. Still, to die in a place this lonely, no around to comfort him or at least know about his last moments; it was a hard fact to swallow. All he could do was wait. Wait until he eventually suffocated from lack of oxygen. Just wait. And so, he waited.

* * *

_**SOMETIME LATER [TALKING TO MYSELF PART 1]**_

The shift to dream state is quite peculiar, you're not entirely sure when it is that you enter the mundus of your creation, where your conscience and sub-conscience engage in a role play of emotions and sensations that seem almost infallible reality. Of course while present in the scenario, you never truly realize it's all fictitious and doesn't assimilate with reality. It was for this very same reason that Shinji lingered on the unweaving thread of thoughts in regards to his sudden return to consciousness, and his inability to remember how'd he'd managed end up at his current whereabouts; He looked around mesmerized as he didn't find himself onboard the _Evangelion_.

Tracks; railroad tracks and the wagon he currently sat in making contact and friction, a rippling, ringing sound echoed around. Hypnotizing him to haze as what appeared as a boy in front of him stared him awry. His black and white striped V-neck and black cargo shorts delivered a crafty innocence to the entity masked behind it. A phosphorescent orangey-blood smeared heaven seen from the window panels contrasted the boy, making his presence ever so sinister.

Shinji inspected the boy in front of him again. A cold edged gaze met him back as they crossed sights. "Who's there?" he asked the still passenger sitting at his front who whispered something inaudible in reply. "Who?" he asked again hoping for some clearance.

"Shinji Ikari" the youngling in front of him answered insouciantly.

"But that's me…" Shinji replied unconvincingly at the child as he raised his eyebrow.

"Correct. We are one and the same" the boy began. "And at the same time, we're diverse" He concluded.

"Who are you?" Shinji demanded a rational response this time as he remained dubious of the boy's preposterous claims.

"You have two facets. The one perceived by you and the one seen by others" the boy responded fluently and without a hither of emotion. "It's the facet others see that you're afraid of" he finished pronouncing and maintained his prolonging focus on Shinji.

Shinji cringed; having an ominous looking kid gaze with such detachment was chilling. He gave his setting one more examination as the being in front of him didn't invoke any trust from him, however; seeing as there wasn't a hint of anything else outside the train cart, he'd follow through with the question. "It's not like that" he finally responded after a modest amount of time.

"Then?" the boy asked enthrallingly through his blank expression.

"I don't want to disappoint them" Shinji admitted and leaned forward to rest his arms on his knees.

"Because they'll hate you if you do?" the boy declared.

"Eghh" Shinji grumbled and grabbed the sides of his head as a migraine began to tear through. "I don't want people to hate me" he finally assented as he regained his concentration.

"You don't want people to hurt you" the boy pressed Shinji as he began to feel the veins leading up to his head on his temple throbbing and aching.

"I just.." Shinji began to consider where that sentence was leading when suddenly he felt paralyzed and momentarily lost his awareness. He glanced at the figureless boy now, as everything around him faded to black, and tried to read through his inaudible speech.

"Wha?" Shinji barely mumbled as he barely came back to.

"You want to be loved" the boy repeated and shortly afterwards; darkness.

* * *

_**TALKING TO MYSELF PART 2**_

"Who's there?" Shinji asked as he opened his eyes and found himself in the same wagon from before; his head still swaying with pain and the blur that was his surroundings dissuading once again into neat sharpness.

"Shinji Ikari" the boy from before replied in monotone chords.

"I'm.. I'm sorry" Shinji apologized instinctively as he looked around to see nothing unchanged.

"You're always apologizing for things independent of your actions" the boy observed.

"It's my fault.. I know it is" Shinji acknowledged as he ran both his hands through his hair and left them resting on his neck before limply letting them drop and dangle at his sides.

"You only believe that because you're self-loathing" the boy countered.

"I'm useless" Shinji divulged through a breath and exhaled deeply.

"And all you've accomplished?" the boy showed curiosity.

"I don't know" Shinji answered honestly.

"And father?" the boy added probingly.

"I hate him" Shinji admitted unaffectedly.

"Then why are you here?" the boy interrogated his motives.

"This world is too painful to live in" Shinji shared to the unmoved boy in front of him as he stared at the dipping sun in the background.

"So what will you do?" the boy queried.

"I don't want to live here anymore" Shinji revealed softly as he lowered his gaze, and for a few seconds; the wagon remained completely free of audial contamination by both passengers.

"You're running away again" the boy finally replied to his pessimistic choice, and once again, this time without the need of passing out; the cart around him faded into nothingness.

It was around fall during this time; Shinji remembered because of all the foliage he saw falling on his way the train station. The very same one he stood in right now. A rugged carryall on the ground beside him, and his father's back to him as he stepped away; a scene he'd never forget.

"Father, am I unwanted?" his younger self had asked and cried openly at the sight of his father abandoning him. "Come back!" he'd yelled at the top of his lungs to a man who ominously continued to further from him.

"Father!" Shinji now yelled at the past figure of his father vanishing from sight and leaving him alone.

"You're the one that ran away" his younger self, now standing behind him, said.

"No! I.. I.." Shinji mumbled as he began to recall things he'd buried deep down long ago; his mother's death and the mystery surrounding it.

It had been a public scandal on the media and there had been countless investigations surrounding Yui's death. He distinctly began to recall the numerous accusations launched at his father, one of them; the murder of his wife.

"I don't want to see this!" Shinji began to scream out.

In the end however; Gendo Ikari had been deemed not guilty and soon the scandalous situation had come to an end. It was shortly afterwards that he found himself in this same train station as a period of almost ten years would come, before he saw his father again.

"Wake me up!" Shinji pleaded as the world around him became obscured in darkness.

* * *

_**TALKING TO MYSELF PART 3**_

"Who's there!?" Shinji immediately spat out as he appeared in the entrancing train cart from before whilst standing from his seat and confronting the indifferent boy in front of him.

"Shinji Ikari" the boy responded according to previous sequences.

"No!" Shinji retorted instantly and shook his head in disagreement.

"No?" The boy repeated his statement questioningly.

"That never happened" Shinji subsequently added to specify his discrepancy about the troubling mirages of his childhood that had come to fruition.

"You've been running away from the truth your whole life" the boy countered undoubtedly.

"What's wrong with ignoring the things I don't like!?" Shinji conjectured loudly as he raised both his arms in wonder.

"You can't pretend things around you are not happening because they hurt" the boy, remaining unmoved, replied.

"If I can believe they're not then I can continue to live!" Shinji continued the line of thought defensively and turned away from the boy.

"That's self-deception" the boy flatly identified.

"What would you have me do?! Huh!?" Shinji sharply turned around and asked in anger, and pain. "Be miserable all the time?!" he pondered as he let himself fall on the floor and stared at the past image of himself.

"I want you to stop running away" the boy replied.

"I.. I.." Shinji began speaking, his words choking up in his throat before he could muster them fully. "I've always been so lonely" he finally confessed as he wrapped his arms around his knees in a fetal position, his gaze slowly dropping as well. "At some point it seemed like the easiest way to not be hurt" he then added, as a steady amount of tears began to pour out slowly.

"You didn't prevent the pain; you just bottled it up inside and pretended ignorance" the boy corrected as he stared down at the shambling persona in front of him.

"I know" Shinji acknowledged somberly as he wiped the tears off his cheeks with the back of his hands.

"What will you do?" The youth in front of him questioned.

"I still think it's too painful to live" he replied and burrowed his head in between his legs. "So just end it" he whispered dryly.

* * *

_**SOMETIME LATER**_

The hours had passed by and his perception on time deeply altered as he kept drifting in and out of dreamscapes. By this time the LCL inside the pod had become heavy to swallow and breathe, as well as murky. The taste was also off-putting; there was an iron like flavor to it that was familiar.

Shinji shivered in his seat. It seemed the heating system was already out for the count, and thanks to the LCL's bogginess he could already tell the oxygen circulation was gone as well. Which in hindsight might explain why he felt so tired and worn down; he was slowly suffocating to death. "I don't want to be alone" he said shakily under his breath as he embraced himself in a fetal position. "Not anymore" he added before shutting his eyes and embracing his fate.

There's a feeling he'd always pictured and imagined, and in his deepest memories he'd reminisce of his mother's figure giving him a hug, which was the closest he'd come to experience it. It was love.

Shinji felt embracing warmth on his chest as he remembered that faint memory, only this time; he hadn't the need to recall. He suddenly felt the arms of the woman who'd parted him softly caress his cheek. The sensation was that of the time he'd always look back to; the hug. The cockpit around him seemed to vanish as an overwhelming feeling of joy quenched him and made him sterile to the hardships he currently faced. He was drifting now, and in truth he hadn't come to realize he'd just lost control of his Unit, and entered a berserk state.

"M-mother.." Shinji whispered as a smile appeared on his face.

"Is this enough for you?" She asked caringly as she continued her warm cradling to which Shinji could only laugh heartedly and nod.

"Good for you" the boy from before appeared again and applauded as he placed a red sphere in the palm of his hands and vanished.

**_END: CHAPTER 6_**

* * *

_**AUTHOR'S NOTES**_

It's been too long, but re-writing is hard. Or rather, boring.

Anyways I was going to delay this, probably another month, but I figured what the hell. It had been a while since a new chapter and honestly I just wanted to post something.

So please if you enjoy or have any constructive criticism let me know in the review box down below. Btw happy 2016, about a month late but.. oh, well.

_**Date of update - January 30, 2016**_


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