Merlin 1. First time for everything

According to my records, fanfiction started workin last night :3 though I was too sleepy back then, so I didn't dare to publish this yet. I have been... completely caught up with this show now :D Plus, I've been wanting to do a longer fanfic for a while now. So here it is! Written in the early morning, 6 am, no sleep before, on my floor with only my dear blanket and my pillow, while having a fever. So... I have nothing to say. I've grown pretty numb to f Hope you like it and reviews are always appreciated.

And I have no idea why the latin word 'sanitas' means 'health'. I was disappointed upon seeing it doesn't mean sanity x) well, in vino veritas, in aqua sanitas. Merlin or Arthur or anyone you see in this fic does not belong to me. I'd go as far as guessing they belong to BBC or Shine Limited or whatever...

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"Come this way", Merlin's voice, as quiet as possible, but at the same time as loud as needed, lingered in the otherwise empty hallway for a moment, guiding the other's way.

The meant other stopped for a moment, but did not turn, and Merlin could practically hear him going "the hell that's the right way" in his head. Not quite to his surprise, the prince ended up throwing an annoyed glance at him and continued going into the wrong direction. Merlin thought he probably made this just to make it harder for the servant, that is, until he spoke.

"I do know where my room is, thank you very much", Arthur announced gazing around the corner, "I heard some noises…"

They were already close to Arthur's room, and Merlin was quite proud they had managed even this far without any bigger complications. It was probably nearer to four before noon, and it was rather dark, save the light that the torches on the walls gave them. There had been a feast before, for another knight being appointed, and they both had only left some time ago. Merlin was in a lot better shape than Arthur was, as he had not been drinking, being the servant he was. But then Arthur, he was another story. He could not quite tell how much the future king had drunk. He had of course served the majority of the drinks, but he couldn't say for sure if Arthur had also provided himself some on his own. It was possible, as he didn't take Merlin hanging by his side all the time and surely wasn't as patient as to wait for him to come around every time his goblet was empty. So it had come to this.

Merlin had no clue how drunk the other was, but certainly not even near sober. Arthur seemed somewhat disoriented. And his talk, well, more like his subjects to talk about were no better. But it was not like Merlin could have prevented it from happening. Like he could stop him from drinking too much. Admittedly, Merlin had diluted some of wine with water and after a few mixtures, he was certain Arthur would never find it out, but that was all he could do. Generally, Merlin didn't like drunken people when he himself was all clear. They were a bit too clingy and a bit too moody. Of course, some people could be extremely funny when drunk, but then they'd most likely turn to over expressive again the next minute. But Arthur he couldn't find himself disliking when drunk. He liked Arthur more open and more vulnerable, as he never was.

He would not expect him to be like that when sober, no, that would just not suit Arthur, but when Arthur was intoxicated it was possible for him to take a sneak peek at his heart. He was not seeking out to cheat some life defining matters out of the boy, he just wanted to see how the other truly felt. And of course, as alcohol does have a habit to blur ones thinking process, Arthur could make so senseless comments Merlin couldn't help but laugh. He'd tell it all to Arthur in the morning. Right now however, he was the set up to put the young prince to bed. The prince who was currently wandering further down the wrong way. Merlin rushed over to him, pulling him back by his hand. Arthur paid no attention to this, but stared at the hallway with a suspicious look spread over his face.

"Come on now, it was probably just some guest heading back to their room, or some servant. It is not uncommon for someone to move around in the castle anyways."

Arthur took one last glance at each direction of the hallway, before making a full spin, shaking Merlin's hand off in the process, and starting his rightful journey. Merlin sighed and proceeded to follow him cautiously, expecting him to change his mind at any moment. But when actually reaching to the door to his room with no more arguments on safety and chivalry, Merlin guessed by now he must have been tired and most likely having a deceased drunkenness, as the boy was not nearly as cheerful anymore as he had been. He remembered Arthur informing him that it was the prince's duty and responsibility to drink in these kinds of occasions, something about the right way of showing his acceptance to the newly declared knight and about the people wanting to see him get wasted. Merlin only thought it was good that most of that people were outside, not hearing their ruler to come explain the long, long history of Camelot. Uther would be surprised if he heard the true story of how Camelot was established.

Arthur struggled some with the lock of his door, but shoved Merlin's hand away when he tried to help him. He muttered something incoherent and pushed the door open, stumbling on the way in. Merlin came in also, closing the door behind him. The moonlight coming through the window was enough for him to be able to light the candles of the chandelier that was standing on the table in the middle of the room. Arthur in the meanwhile was trying to make his way to his bed, almost falling over as he tripped over something and probably hit a cabinet too while he was on it, what could be deduced from the light thud. After Merlin had lit up the candle he turned around to make sure Arthur was okay, finding the other halfway out of his shirt. The servant slowly looked the other way, feeling he was intruding the other's privacy while he was drunk. He noticed the curtains being open and took it as his next mission to close them in the most sluggish movement ever.

Merlin took his time with the curtains and waited patiently even after closing the curtains. He heard two thumps that suggested Arthur had gotten rid of his shoes and then a lot of shuffling. After the room fell silent from the noise and he figured the other had finally managed to get under covers, only then Merlin returned to facing the other. Arthur lay on his stomach on the blanket, right hand under his head and the other under his chest, the candlelight flowing over his bare back. Merlin sucked on his bottom lip, figuring it'd be horrible for the prince to wake up like that. He'd be cold and he'd have no feeling in his left hand. Add that to the hangover he would probably be having. So he walked up beside the bed, shaking the other by the shoulder. Arthur grumbled and turned around on his back. Merlin was suddenly very aware of why people were so easy to take the advantage of when drunk. He wouldn't have minded if Arthur had been sober. Then he wouldn't be feeling like he was seeing something he shouldn't be seeing.

"Arthur, could you get up a little bit so I could get the blanket?" Merlin whispered in a calm voice.

Arthur mumbled some random gibberish again, Merlin could make out the words "sure, sure" and "yeah", and rolled on the floor from the opposite side of the bed. Merlin swiftly pulled the blanket in his hands and beckoned Arthur to move back. Arthur did, though it took him an extra effort in comparison to the first time since he couldn't just fall over on the bed. He settled himself in a sitting position now however, legs straight and eyeing the blanket his servant was still holding. Merlin casually attempted at throwing it on his legs, but it wasn't like it was feather weight and it only ended up in a small mess reaching only over Arthur's left leg. Arthur lowered his gaze a little bit to stare at the blanket and after that, at Merlin, with this "what on earth are you doing?" kind of way. Merlin tried not to pay any attention to the eyes upon him, shook his head and leaned over the other to sort out the mess. He'd have to be quick.

More so now he was trying to remain in oblivion to that he knew the other was still looking at him and even more to the fact that yes, he could actually feel the warmth of the other's body heat. So far he was not succeeding, more likely the opposite. The mentioned knowledge of the other ran through his head repeating itself over and over again. He felt out of place, avoiding carefully of even grazing the other, which made him rather tense. All because he shouldn't. Because he wasn't allowed, because the other was tight roping on the edge of awareness. Finally when he almost got his work done, Arthur went and decided that it was a good idea to hold his free arm, not the one that was holding Merlin from crashing on top of the boy. Not really grabbing, just laying his hand over the other's arm to show that he didn't want him to withdraw just yet, but he could if he so insisted.

At this point, Merlin felt that he couldn't avoid looking at the prince anymore. But Arthur had this rather blank look upon his face, like he was far away, thinking hard on something. If Merlin had to guess, Arthur was thinking about something that involved him, otherwise it would be just odd to stare at him like that. In the end, Arthur only let out a single sentence, two words.

"Thank you."

And then he leaned in and kissed him. The prince kissed the servant. The world went upside down but it was still spinning. The kiss was soft and it was tender, Arthur capturing Merlin's bottom lip in one single, slow kiss. And after it he just backed down as if nothing had happened, pulling his covers higher. Merlin was left gaping, words not exactly making their way out of his throat, let alone forming in his mind. He was thrown of balance. He was speechless, literally, and he had no clue of what to do next. So he just remained there, hovering over other, until he realized he should probably be backing off already. He didn't get all the way off the bed, as he felt like he need to sit down for a little while and the bed was the closest thing around. He kept ogling at Arthur as if he was waiting him to jump up again and announce that it had been a joke. He didn't though, he just kept laying there his eyes closed like he was sleeping. Eventually, Merlin managed out a word, even though he wasn't sure if Arthur was even awake anymore.

"Why did you do that?" he was stuttering, it was clear.

To his amazement, Arthur did give him an answer and didn't even require any time to consider what it was going to be.

"Because I can."

His voice was mostly covered by drowsiness, but Merlin could still separate the proud, the tad arrogant tone to it. He did it because he could and he said it like it was his hidden talent, to "can". Was it the real answer, Merlin did not know, Arthur had had tons of time to prepare himself to be a jerk again, but he was still drunk, it was possible he didn't even have an answer. Drunken people did drunken things. It was nothing to be taken seriously. This could be completely forgotten. He nodded to himself as an assurance and got off the bed. He swept his trousers, like Arthur would ever sleep in a dusty bed, before walking over to the wooden table and killing the candles. He then wished a good night to his master and carefully exited the very much dark room. And Merlin was quite proud of himself, for he hadn't thought for the whole time of how sweet and how soft and just perfect were the lips of one certain prince.


	2. On a second thought

Yesh, be in awe, the great power of rambling! I have no idea how I developed the trait of writing down every possible thought of the characters down, in the most difficult way possible x) Wellh, anyway this chapter was necessary for... how did I put it? "To avoid abrupt time jumps and be able to move on to more interaction between them". So yes. Arthur will be shown in the next chapter or I'll eat my hand. I'm probably going to write him one of these at some point, to be quite honest ;D It will most likely include more action though.

I feel like I should keep talking more about nonsense, but nothing is coming... We shall move on to the story then.

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Merlin walked casually through the hallways, a drowsy look upon his face. His pace was rather quick, which hinted that he was really in need to get some sleep, so much that he didn't care about being tired anymore, he just did everything to get to bed soon. So he scurried past the torches, the doors, the windows and the staircases, with a trained sense for direction to his room. Only once did his journey stop and that was at the end of it, by the court physician's door. The door was locked, as usually, but Merlin had no problem to get it open and let himself in. The second he closed the door behind him, his eyes grew wide and his hand rose up to keep his head up from falling down from where it belong on his shoulders. He pushed his back against the door as if assuring it would remain closed and then let himself slip on the door.

There was turmoil in his head, grown with each step he had taken to his room. He felt his heart beat racing from the pressure, not yet getting to solve the situation properly, but only calming it down by assuring there was nothing to be concerned of. An empty assurance. There definitely was something to be concerned of. Even while thinking he shouldn't think about it, he had done it. There was now a part in his mind that he couldn't block. What was wrong with him? Or rather, what was wrong with the crown prince? He shouldn't be going around doing such things, even he, as the servant, knew enough to tell it wasn't the proper way of acting. He had been drunk, Merlin told himself, but it didn't really cure the problem. The problem really wasn't in Arthur. It was in him. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he stop thinking about it? Why couldn't he get his mind off of the damn kiss?

Merlin was nearly banging his head against the door when he was awakened by a familiar growl. He quickly stood up, rushing his way to his own room, barely granting Gaius a glance as he went, only taking in the fact that he was surely asleep. He immediately took the bed as his goal, diving under the covers as fast as he could. He told himself to stop thinking about it, repeating it out loud until it didn't sound like a sentence anymore. But he couldn't, he could still see it as if in slow motion all over and over again in his head, Arthur's lip meeting his. It was quite horrible. Or it should have been horrible, but the fact that it wasn't, was the actual horrible thing in it. And suddenly he could remember all the other times, simple touches, simple smiles and simple teases. He was suddenly caught into this dream and he couldn't get away from it anymore. The final picture made it too whole. And Merlin couldn't understand it the tiniest bit, getting a little panicky.

Feeling his uneasiness taking the control of him, he moved down on the floor, sitting at the side of his bed and still holding his covers tightly around him. Merlin stared at his wall as if in an attempt to produce a hole in it. How could it even happen? What was wrong with him? It wasn't normal, no, it was highly unnatural. He wasn't even sure what it was. It was like… It was this cozy feeling. The feeling in the pit of his stomach that made him want to dedicate his every passing thought to Arthur. And then there was this melancholic feeling of longing. It was kind of like, like he had… a crush on the prince. But that wasn't possible, was it? Two men? Was he so gone wrong in the head? He had never heard of such nonsense. Girls liked boys and boys like girls. That's how it was, had always been. Women breed children to men. Why didn't he go and have a crush with Arthur's horse while he was at it? He reached for the cup on his table and took a sip of the now very much warm water. He viewed the cup from its sides. Maybe it was some need for affection, to kiss something, anything really.

He hesitated a little before giving the cup the tenderest kiss he could muster. But he couldn't feel any attraction to the cup. Probably the most insane idea ever. Still, Merlin was secretly thanking every God he knew that he felt no attraction towards it and he did not desire to kiss it again. He put the cup down, his thoughts, purely by an accident, returning to the horse. After nearly getting traumatized by the horse, he grimaced and gagged, lying down so he was under the bed from waist down, like he was trying to hide. At least he wasn't completely gone crazy. He tried to think of Gwen in Arthur's position, but when that produced no affect at all, he fell deeper into his pit of shame and at the same time, under his bed. The covers that now only revealed the very tip of his hair were representing his emotions rather well. Perhaps she inflicted more reaction in him than the cup, which wasn't really a victory that notable, but anyhow way less than the horse.

Thinking back at Arthur, the feeling in his stomach woke up again, though the shame didn't leave. He was starting to consider the fact that maybe he was so shocked he couldn't get it off of his mind. Maybe he was traumatized. Well, that would be over reacting. Though it appeared as the most reasonable explanation right now. Wasn't it supposed to involve this very much uncomfortable and shameful feeling? At least that's how he had felt when that sick old, village pervert had felt his behind when he was younger. He had gotten over it in a week. And being traumatized would mean, under it all, he was alright in the head, he'd be all normal soon. Everything would be alright. Quite content with that thought and so tired he would hold on to any acceptable option, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to finally get some rest. So drowsy, he allowed his thoughts return this nice feeling back once more before drifting off to sleep.

-

He woke up losing the girl.

It was this very beautiful girl she figured he had seen around the town a few times. In the dream she was carrying this basket of many different kinds of flowers in it. And in the dream she gave Merlin one red lily from her basket and an enchanting smile along with it. And then she took him by the hand and she led him through the streets of Camelot, taking him to shops, workshops and introducing him to so many, just ordinary people, kind of like in his hometown. Later she pulled him aside and told him she really, really liked him. First his smile, now his nature and she would love his magic too, all that and then she gave him an innocent kiss on the lips. Then from somewhere came the particularly arrogant blond to turn the world around again. Arthur, who only granted him his trademark smirk and teased him about the flower and the girl and… he didn't even ask him, but Merlin followed him. He felt bad leaving the girl, yes, but… he had no second thought about it. Even though it didn't mean he'd get Arthur, which was way less likely than not, he chose him instead of the girl. Then he woke up.

Merlin slowly sat up, blinking, and nearly hitting his nose against the edge of the bed that was suddenly just about a centimeter away from his face. He settled to lying back down again and turned to rest on his side. The sun was forcing its way through his window as he had forgotten to close the curtains last night and they were wide open. He held quite puzzled feelings towards his dream. Puzzled and melancholic. He knew the reaction was created mostly because of the lack of sleep, but he felt like going out and drowning himself. Maybe he was confused by being traumatized by a close friend. He still cared for the boy, he'd still follow him anywhere and he'd still be ready in a second to die for him, but then again he knew that now he'd feel ashamed around him or when he thought about him. He wanted to avoid that feeling, avoid Arthur, which would kind of make their friendship a lot harder. And so he was melancholic. He didn't want to face Arthur, but he didn't want to lose him either.

Merlin sighed and struggled from under the bed. There was no way he'd get any sleep now and besides, it's not like he hadn't got any work to do. He'd just have to wish it didn't involve seeing Arthur much today. He succeeded at finding his way out of the door, dreamily rubbing his eyes and yawning at the same time. The first thing that came into his view when he stepped out of his room was Gaius giving him an odd look. Merlin tried to stare back, but at that precise moment his eyelids decided that they were under the impression there was something irritating his eye and the blinking was required.

"Uh, morning", he resolved to answer instead.

Gaius averted his gaze back from Merlin, rose up and went to get another bowl for the newly awakened boy. Merlin sat himself by the table, grateful that he had only been late, not completely missed breakfast. He felt like he needed the energy to make up for what he usually got by sleeping well.

"Good morning", Gaius placed the bowl in front of him and returned to his own meal, "I was coming to wake you up earlier... I see you find the floor more comfortable nowadays", at this point he gave Merlin a sharp look, "Although I still have no idea why you have to sleep under the bed. You'd easily think it was dusty in there…"

The man casually filled his mouth with the spoon and eyed Merlin patiently. Like an everyday chitchat. Too normal, really, why Merlin figured he was up to something. He actually wondered if he had done something to make himself too easily read. It could have been anything, as far as he was concerned. He might as well have just looked unhappy, while sleeping or after it.

"Yeah, I probably just fell off the bed and rolled under the bed. I got in bed so late I must have been restless."

As he explained, he tried to sound as cheerful as possible. He didn't feel so chatty so he would have rather left the sentence halfway, but he guessed the more he talked, the less likely Gaius would expect something more. Normally, he'd either tell Gaius or tell him he needed to do this by himself, but this time, he wanted to keep it all away. He was ashamed and he wanted to pretend like there was no problem. Merlin had already concluded it would pass on its own so if he didn't say it out loud it would never actually come true, it would never become reality. If he could isolate this only into his head, a year from now it would be like there never even was a problem. Nothing would be affected by it, no word was spoken and no thought was given to it. But he'd need to stop thinking about it himself too. So either he was in demand of finding some real issues to trouble him or act like he was alright. Right now, the matter being very fresh to him, it was easier to act. Right now, he wanted more than anything for everything to be alright.

"Is that the only reason why you were restless? Or is it…" the physician awakened him from his thoughts for the second time that day, this time consciously, "Arthur, perhaps?"

Merlin's head shot up from his porridge, ready to shoot out question like, "what, Arthur" and "why'd you think that", but before he got anything out of his mouth he knew the game had been lost right there. Gaius of course did the sensible thing and pretended he hadn't noticed, but Merlin was hundred percent sure he had. The other would have never let it pass by. Plus there was no comment on Merlin being quiet. Equals, he had been caught. How could he even let himself fall for that so evidently? He had never been such a good liar, true, but it was still far, far too easy. Gaius carefully finished his breakfast and got off the table. Merlin tried to retain his composure, nothing had been revealed yet. There was no way the man could have known what exactly had happened. But, he should be worried about his mission to forget the whole incident, since clearly it wasn't working very well. Now they were already talking about it. And Merlin was in the edge of sinking under the table. He really hated the sick feeling in his stomach.

"You should talk to him."

Gaius gave Merlin an encouraging look to go with it. Merlin was however busy with tracing a circle in his porridge with the spoon. He did hear the much older man though. Just that Gaius couldn't possibly know what had happened, if it was said for the moment that something had happened, so how could he know what he should do? And Merlin had no idea how he could bring it up to Arthur anyway. He hadn't taken into account of Arthur doing it himself, there was a potential chance he didn't even remember. That made it even harder to talk about. He could just imagine it in his head. He'd say Arthur had kissed him and Arthur would probably ask him why he needed to know this and then Merlin would answer… well Merlin would say he wasn't quite pleased with it. And Arthur would give him an incredulous look , "are you waiting for an apology?". He would never get that apology and things would only get weirder around them. Who said talking about things helped?

If it wasn't for the fact that he was solely a mere servant to the blond, it might have helped him to talk, since then he might have been able to get to that point of clearing things up. Though, he himself considered Arthur as a friend. Merlin wondered if he might react with a tad more understanding if he told him the matter brought him a lot of discomfort. He wasn't sure. It didn't seem too Arthur-like. However it was, truly talking about it would certainly get some of the pain off his chest. And it would then be someone else's problem too to solve. He just didn't know if he wanted Arthur to know they had kissed. Arthur, kissed him, he didn't kiss anyone… at least he didn't start anything. He had to be submissive to everything the prince did. But anyway, he already felt uncomfortable with it, wouldn't it increase if he'd have to deal with Arthur also being uncomfortable around him. They'd certainly have some problems to manage with each other. Plus, he didn't want him to realize he was thinking about him, which most likely he would realize, every time Merlin wasn't all happy-go-lucky. If he wanted to think about the crown heir, he wanted to do it in private.

He really was in need to talk to Arthur though. Considering it for a moment, the sole compromise he could come up with was that he would need to go through it very tactfully. To bring up the subject like it wasn't anything major. So the other wouldn't take it as a burden and would come to the impression, neither did Merlin. And it was not necessary for them to go through it all the time, not in public, not in their own heads. In an addition he might be getting some assuring answers from Arthur. Everything was fine, it didn't mean anything. He was drunk. Merlin sighed heavily. Suddenly, it started to feel like an obligation for him, not a way to relieve his stress. The thought actually made him feel rather down. Shouldn't he wait a little longer to see if he could get it out of his mind? Although, he knew that if he was planning to tell Arthur in a way that was in passing, he'd have to tell him today, or it wouldn't be so in passing. It didn't mean he still couldn't push it further, did it? He was currently in no hurry at all.

Deep in his thoughts, he distantly heard the door being opened and then closed a couple of seconds after it, but even so he didn't notice the physician had left the room.


	3. Third time says the charm

"I think one must be insane to think I would be on time with something by now ___ But then again, one should have also learned that even if it took a year, I'm still planning to continue it :D I think I know when I'm going to leave things halfway and then I just don't publish that stuff." Yes, that is what I said and I think you should know it too ;D I know I'm horrible with my time tables, but bare with me. The next chapter has Arthur as a narrator, yay! Or nay, but anyway!

I have a feeling I just accidentally added some random letters in the middle of this chapter... but I don't see them, so possibly not...

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"I think…" Gwen started slowly, a puzzled look upon his face.

Merlin stood next to her and looked up at the sky. The sun was shining rather brightly that day and with no cloud up on the sky, it meant that it was also very hot. He swept his forehead with his hand just at the idea of it. However, he was standing safely in the shadows. They were actually outside, in the inner court, but they were right beside the walls of the castle where there was shelter. Gwen was peeking at the square from behind a post, appearing as though she was trying to hide. If she was though, Merlin would have most likely ruined her plan, seeing as he was leaning against that very same post, just on the other side of it. He turned his face towards the girl. Or he would have, if the pole hadn't gotten in the way. He gave up pretty easily.

"Those guys… have slept together", Merlin almost choked on his tongue as she continued, "Or at least kissed!"

Merlin's eyes widened and he felt his heart beat faster after he had gotten his breathing in control. How could she know? No, it was not possible. She must have been talking about the two other guys who were so fond of kissing each other. Because that made so much sense. But then again, it didn't make sense that she knew either.

"What are you talking about?" Merlin asked, once again trying to see her through the post, possibly with even less success.

There was no way anyone saw them. They were in Arthur's room, where people knew better than to knock before entering, and he had heard no such thing. And he should have, considering the castle was almost clear of voices. Which brought them to another obstacle. It was silent because everyone was asleep at that hour. Or too drunk to stand on their own. And Gwen herself was definitely sleeping at her house by then. But didn't she start the declaration with an "I think" and then say "those", which should have counted Merlin out. Merlin sighed. He had to stop jumping into conclusions. The best plan was obviously to hear the story first.

"I mean, look at those two knights there!"

A huge relief on Merlin's part. She had no idea. His heart calmed down and he could see one too many possible outcomes of if the incident had gotten out there in the public, flashing through his eyes. But none of that mattered. She didn't know. And now he could fully concentrate on what the girl was saying. Except, to think about it... What on earth had she gone on about before? Merlin finally rounded the pole to look at her properly. Only, she was looking somewhere farther from him, somewhere under the burning sun. There, Merlin spotted two knights, talking to each other. And that was it. Merlin blinked.

"I don't get it."

Gwen let out a sigh that said "men" in that very specific tone. Merlin wanted to look harder for the sake of his friend, he just had the feeling they'd walk away before he got it. They were talking, yes. Were they talking about something suggestive? But that wasn't it, even if they were, there was no way Gwen could have heard something sensible from this distance since Merlin himself didn't hear the slightest thing. Well then, they had to be showing it. When Merlin was paying attention to them, in a certain angle the other knight had this cold, dead serious face on and the other was just sad. And that didn't quite explain the diagnose Gwen had made, either. Only heartbreak would explain the situation to Merlin if they had something romantic going on. But that was one of the unlikeliest of the reasons. Merlin shook his head in defeat.

"Look at the distance between them", Gwen urged excitedly.

Given the girl's discovery, Merlin expected them to be standing a sprinkle too close to each other. He was truly surprised to find otherwise: they were standing too far from each other. If that was possible. When pointed out loud, Merlin could tell that the distance must have been uncomfortable for a chat. Both had to talk a tad louder than normally to make sure the other heard everything, which in itself was enough to stop the whole nonsense and take a step forward. Also, it was the tiniest bit harder to sense the other's body language. All in all, it was most likely not the distance they had been taught to talk with when they were younger. Merlin couldn't quite tell the reason to that. He felt Gwen's eyes on him and he looked at her. She smiled at his understanding and nodded. She turned to look at the two.

"Their distance boundaries have been broken. They have been too close to each other. So now, they don't know how far they used to be with each other. And since the problem in the first place was that they were too close to each other, they choose to be too far away from each other", Gwen thought about her words for a moment, "I guess that's a logical choice. They think now no one can spot them. As if anyone would have thought of that before they… Oh! And it also prevents them from pouncing each other! I wouldn't have thought of anything if they hadn't had that lustful look upon their eyes…"

The girl grinned mischievously. Merlin rolled his eyes, but at the end of their travel, he placed them upon the couple. Could she be right? Merlin surely didn't see the "lusting" Gwen was talking about, but then again, Gwen had been there longer than he had and for all he knew, she could have passed them before coming to the spot where she was hiding now. She didn't seem to mind the situation though. She seemed to be loving it to be quite exact. Merlin wondered if she had never seen anything like it before. If it was normal for her. But before he got to ask about it, the girl flinched and he discovered the other knight moving. Merlin escaped to Gwen's side of the post, seeing as the knight was coming their way in a good pace. It shouldn't have hidden either of them, really, but for some reason the knight with a saddened demeanor didn't seem to notice. They both watched, positively wide-eyed, as, not long after the first one, the one left of the pair followed the other inside the castle. Gwen mouthed a phew and they were both quiet for a moment.

"Hey…" Gwen was the one to break the silence, "Do you think… Do you think a man could get pregnant?"

Merlin stared at her for about a whole minute. The next he spend on furrowing his brows and contemplating on her suggestion. By the third minute he realized neither one of them was really focusing on the important. They both had work to do. He would need to wake Arthur up.

"Uh, I don't know. But I should probably get going…" he was about to leave, waving his hand already, but ended up stopping dead on his tracks and turning back to the girl, "No, I really don't think so. Isn't it physically impossible?"

-

Merlin knocked on Arthurs door, once, twice and, after waiting for a minute, trice, but when nobody answered, he pushed the door open without being called in. He saw it as a privilege of Arthur's private awakener. He walked in and settled the fresh, clean clothes on the back of an armchair. The boy didn't even stir as his servant entered the room and pushed the curtains away, letting the room soak in light. Merlin smiled at the lump on the bed, completely covered by a blanket. It wasn't really a wonder he didn't react to light. But even though he had shielded himself well, it didn't mean he was safe. Merlin flexed his neck from side to side as he walked over to the bed and sat down on it, right next to the lump. He cleared his throat before pronouncing the other's name in a singsong voice. No reaction. He repeated the word. And when that didn't work either, he shouted "Arthur" as loud as he could possibly manage. The other jumped up in a millisecond and looked around himself, his eyes wide as plates. Merlin smiled sheepishly. Arthur just blinked. It took him another moment to realize the situation he was in.

"Get off my bed!"

The prince rose on his knees, which kind of took his servant, who was quick to fell off the bed, by a surprise. Arthur growled and laid himself down once more. Merlin whined and got up, rubbing his back as if he had damaged it more badly than he actually had. The effort went to waste however after he noticed Arthur paid no attention to him, but was trying to fall asleep again. Trying was the keyword, Merlin was going to make sure of that. He crossed his other arm over his chest, stroked his imaginary beard with the other and cast a thoughtful look at the boy very attached to his blanket again. Merlin sat down on the edge of the bed, his back facing the other, and slouched. He then let out an exaggerated sigh, which he knew must have been heard by Arthur, even though he wasn't visibly reacting to it. No one fell asleep that quickly right after hearing a yell like the one he had been forced to hear.

"Arthur, we need to talk…" Arthur expressed his opinion on this by pulling his covers over his ears, "Do you remember going to sleep last night?"

The said boy let out his answer as an obscure mumble. Merlin looked at him, or at least at the direction of him, surprised. The response was an achievement in itself, he was expecting of having to pull a fight over a single word out of him. But the unfortunate side to it was that he had absolutely no idea what the other had just said. And was a little afraid he would possibly hit him with something if he asked. Hoping he really didn't have a secret stash of throwable items under or somehow inside his bed, he nervously scratched his head a little and dared to ask.

"Uh… Could you possibly repeat that, please?"

Arthur sat up, his hair all messy and a frown glued to his face. He glared at Merlin venomously. Merlin grinned and got up. The other was still rather absently staring at the spot where his face had previously been and seemed to be chewing something. Merlin leaned against the bedpost and crossed his arms, waiting patiently for an answer. Arthur licked his lips.

"I said that I obviously did go to sleep."

His voice was rather monotone, though Merlin knew that had he been fully awake, there would have been a ridiculing tone to it. Merlin rolled his eyes and turned to look towards the window. There was a moment of silence between them. Wasn't it easier that Arthur didn't remember? Then Merlin would be the only one who knew and to the rest of the world, the accident never happened. Like a dream. But he figured he had made it pretty clear that his mind wasn't just letting the thing go. And the knights outside… He then realized that he wanted to know why exactly Arthur had done it. "Because he could" was not enough. And if that really was the reason, he would want to know why Arthur saw it necessary to do everything he was able to. He wondered if Arthur had fallen asleep again while he was thinking.

"Last night… Before you went to sleep… you…" how could he ever speak out the words? "You kissed me."

Merlin felt his face heat up. Why was this needed again? Oh yeah, to get his sleep back. He wanted to add that part as an explanation, but then Arthur would probably choose to concentrate on that. And he didn't want to repeat the question, change the new topic about Merlin's sleeping habits and seem like he was obsessed with what happened, even though he most likely was. He could only imagine what Arthur was thinking. Suddenly a thought struck him. What if he didn't believe him? Or what if he thought Merlin had been the one to start the kiss? That could have been considered as a problem. Merlin had no idea how these people would react to boys kissing other boys.

"And?"

Suddenly very much awake, Arthur's answer was sharp and demanding, quite different from his previous one. When Merlin turned to face the prince, he was looking straight at him, brows furrowed somewhat suspiciously. Merlin blinked, his mind blank. His words came out dumbly.

"What?"

Arthur groaned and rolled his eyes.

"Well, so what if I kissed you? It's not like it's something new, trust me, you're not the first one", he thought about what he had just said for a second, "Unless it was your first kiss and you're one of those people who make a big deal out of first-stuff", The boy was grinning like mad by now, "In that case, don't worry, friendly kisses don't count."

Arthur stretched his arms and Melin stared. The latter, after a moment of realization, murmured to his god, covered his eyes with his hands and threw himself on a wooden chair in Arthur's room. His shoulders slumped and his head fell. Note to self, stop ogling at half naked princes. Now what had the other been talking about. In the corner of his eye, he saw Arthur get up. Merlin rubbed his forehead and watched as the other took in the sight outside his window. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to break it to the prince that he definitely shouldn't kiss his friends in such a provocative manner. Arthur didn't remember the kiss. He couldn't possibly tell him that it was "just a friendly kiss". Merlin decided then that he would never ever drink even if he got the chance to. He did not want to do things he couldn't remember, especially if it meant kissing other boys. He wasn't even sure if he meant that he didn't want to kiss boys or that he didn't want to forget kissing boys.

"It wasn't a friendly kiss."

There, simple and clean. Arthur glanced at him over his shoulder and gave him an incredulous look. He shook his head in a way that said "no, it was, that's final, I know better than you even though I wasn't even around when it happened". Merlin crossed his arms and pouted. Arthur came over and pulled the chair from under him. He took that as a cue that the prince wanted him to start dressing him. Merlin grunted and began on his mission. He truly wondered if Arthur even knew how to dress himself. He had probably never tried and probably very happy with that fact. Merlin had done the same thing a hundredth and one times and he could do it professionally. Even with the rerun of last night going through his head. He was still annoyed with the other for not believing him.

Or maybe he just thought it to be easier if Merlin hadn't said anything and now that he had, the easier thing to do would be to pretend it was just a little, friendly peck. But Merlin wasn't necessarily okay with that. Didn't Athur care to think that he hadn't tried it already? Because he had and it hadn't worked, so why would it work if he had someone pretending with him? It didn't make sense. And then again, it did, because in reality Arthur was a spoiled, selfish little brat, thinking about himself first during a problematic situation he had caused. A brat, who unfortunately really knew how to kiss.

"What exactly are you doing now, may I ask?"

And another misfortune, he had just been staring at the depths of those deep eyes, all forgetting about the dress up. And another, his voice sounded way too pleasant in Merlin's ears, voice that had held such a mixture of curiosity, amusement and irritation that it shouldn't have sounded pleasant of all things. Maybe he wasn't being a brat. Maybe it was an automatic reaction. Maybe he thought it'd be better for both him and Merlin if they wouldn't have that talk. Maybe Merlin was the one being selfish, because he wasn't exactly thinking about Arthur's feeling either. Maybe he just needed time like Merlin had. Though the difference there was that Arthur didn't remember the kiss. Oh no, he was too drunk to. While he only had to come in terms with the fact that they had kissed, Merlin also had to come in terms with the mental images of it. He threw the jacket in his hands to the ground. Arthur raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"This is not a friendly kiss!"

And then Merlin pressed their lips together, mimicking Arthur's actions in the previous night as best as he could. There was no question of if he could remember it perfectly. Because he could. Only now it was Arthur's lip caught between the two of his own. He backed away. The prince blinked in obvious shock while Merlin just smiled proudly. He tried to ignore the butterfly feeling in his stomach and the urge to touch his lips, almost burning from the touch.

"You do not kiss your friends like that."

Arthur opened his mouth, most likely as a reflex to a verbal challenge, but no words left him. He eventually found the power to shut it and instead responded by narrowing his eyes in an incredulous manner. Merlin wasn't sure if he doubted if the kiss was alike to the one he had given the previous night or if he doubted that it supposedly wasn't of a friendly kind. He suspected the former, but knowing Arthur, it could have just as easily been the latter. The fact that the prince didn't seem to exactly, totally mind their most recent kiss gave him a sense of security. It was visible to the eye that Arthur was a way more normal and calmer with it than Merlin had been. And Merlin got a feeling the boy had the power to make everything right. Right after Arthur got through his speechlessness of course. It was probably because he was processing the situation anyway. Which was actually a pretty wise thing to do, to think before acting.

"I remember it, you don't, so you cannot say that it wasn't exactly like that."

Merlin was there just to make sure his thoughts didn't take the wrong way. Because if he was going to think about how the kiss couldn't have been like that and how Merlin was crazy and possibly obsessed with him, he could save him the trouble and let him know now. Though Arthur would literally throw him out if he was just going to stay there and watch him think in silence. Not that he didn't annoy the prince with it, because he would do that too, but he also had actual work to do. He had his daily chores and Arthur expected him to do them without a reminder. He suddenly realized Arthur was staring at the ground quite pointedly and Merlin realized the jacket was still there. Merlin kneeled to pick it up.

"I don't see why you couldn't kiss your friends like that. It's not like I used any tongue or anything. Most people are just overly sensitive about their personal space."

Arthur said it offhandedly, as if just voicing his current thoughts, but Merlin knew for sure that the sentence had been planned and he smiled mischievously. He dusted the jacket and walked around the prince to get it on him, Arthur helpfully raising his arms. Once he had got it on, Merlin once again circled the prince to see the front. He examined him carefully from a small distance and then moved forwards to adjust the collar, like a mother taking care of her, or in this case, his child. Using the same tone Arthur had used earlier, Merlin phrased his thoughts also.

"Well in truth, I'm not really one of those people."

And then he kissed Arthur again, still holding on to his collar, on the mouth and very, very friendly, like the honorable prince of Camelot said it. Arthur's reaction had not gotten better since the last time, in fact it was quite identical to it. Merlin decided he would just have to get used to it, since he certainly wasn't going to quit the habit before Arthur admitted that the kiss was something else than friendly. Then he'd think about what happens afterwards. He smiled softly at the boy, waved at him, turned on his heels and walked away, head held high.


	4. Breaking the fourth wall

Only half a year! I was threatening for a year, so I think I did pretty good! (Or not, but don't spoil my fun...) Now I feel like I should say something, but I don't know what. Okay... Well I can surely say that the next chapter will come someday! Slowly maybe, but still surely. I want to finish this so I can move on with my life x) It feels rather uncomfortable having these unfinished stories hanging here on my credit. Just... let's move on.

"I have an excuse as to why this is short! The first chapter that was in Merlin's point of view has almost the same word count as this one. I wanted them to... counter each other, or something like that. Which means that the next one will be slightly longer. Yay!"

* * *

Quite honestly, the situation was getting too ridiculous, far too out of hand and far, far too normal. It didn't really make any sense how things had come to this. Arthur knew that if he had just been a nice little drunk and gone straight to bed on the night of the feast, none of this would have happened. But he didn't necessarily think it was his fault. No, actually, he thought Merlin was as much to blame. He could have just left the matter there, not bring it up again and not continue bringing up, every single day afterwards. Yes, it was ridiculous and out of hand, but oddly, those were not the things that worried the prince. It was the fact that it was becoming normal by now. They had both gotten used to it, which in itself wasn't normal.

Arthur had thought that they would be done after Merlin had kissed him. But no, on that very same day, he kissed him again, just before he went to sleep. And the day after that. And after that. Arthur hadn't been able to figure out what he should do about it before it became the week after that. He knew that Merlin kissed him again just to get Arthur to protest it, so the prince would have to admit that the one kiss he had given his servant was romantic, not something you should do between friends or good acquaintances. And he wasn't going to admit to that. First of all, it isn't essential what the kiss was like physically. What are essential though, are the thoughts behind the kiss. And he wasn't going through any romantic thoughts when he first kissed Merlin. Actually, he wasn't thinking at all.

He hadn't lied when he had said he didn't remember the kiss. No, he had been drunk and he was a very friendly drunk. Hadn't Merlin met any drunken people before? Drunken people did stupid things! Arthur had done a stupid thing! And he hadn't been lying when he had said that he had done those things before. Now that he was thinking about it harder, he probably should have told Merlin that. But he had been too shocked. Too confused. The only thing his mind had been able to come up with was to go for the easiest way out. Which was to not mention the whole matter to Merlin. He was hoping the servant would give up trying or simply forget he was supposed to be torturing the prince. Well that didn't work out as planned. To be quite exact, the conclusion was the complete opposite of what was supposed to happen. Merlin was very persistent. And Arthur, well, Arthur forgot what he had been doing.

When it first happened, Arthur had been late for training. His men were waiting for him outside, but he still had to dress. He was rushing Merlin, who was doing the best he could, though Arthur would never tell him he knew that. And when he was all dressed and ready to go, Merlin suddenly kissed him goodbye. As mentioned, he was in a hurry. He didn't have another choice! Okay, so maybe he had choices, but the one he came up with was the easiest. Well, not the easiest and certainly not one of the smartest, but it was the only one he had been able to come up with in such a hurry. He had kissed Merlin back. To make the kiss shorter, of course, there was no other reason. His men were waiting outside and he had to go.

The kiss had been shorter. At least Arthur thought so. So he figured he should continue doing that afterwards too. They say, "pick your battles" and "if you can't beat them, join them". Arthur did both and he thought he was being very clever. Eventually, Merlin had to forget. Maybe after Arthur for a long hunting trip or something else like that, he wouldn't remember anymore. Or maybe it would start to freak Merlin out, with the way everything was going. Yes, Arthur had been so certain one of those would be the case. But hunting trips had come and went, and Merlin still remembered to kiss him every time he left the room. He didn't forget, it actually seemed like he was remembering to kiss him more and more as time went on, and he certainly didn't seem freaked out at all. If he was freaked out, he was very good at hiding it and should consider theater.

"Merlin?"

Things hadn't gone at all like Arthur had planned. And he wasn't completely sure where things would go from here. He didn't suppose a simple conversation would get him out anymore? Probably not. His little servant had collected even more material to blackmail him since the night of their first kiss. Merlin turned to look at him, blinking his eyes like he was confused. Well, more like surprised, Arthur guessed, since they had had a pretty comfortable silence before he had broken it. Merlin let out a noise on acknowledgement. The prince let the servant wait for a while before answering. Arthur was forming a marvelously constructed sentence inside his head. Oh yes, just perfect.

"Why are you in my bed?"

It was simple, but it should also get the message through quite well. If it didn't, Arthur would smack Merlin around the head until it did. Luckily, he didn't need to go that far. And innocent smile started forming on Merlin lips. As if Uther wouldn't slaughter him the second he found out about the sinful acts he had been committing with his son. Now that Arthur thought about it, Merlin had been pretty brave to come into his bed like that. He should be given a medal really, considering how impulsive Urther could be.

"For the same reason I've been here for the past two weeks."

Merlin's voice made Arthur jump and he was ripped away from his thoughts. He had already managed to forget that he had asked a question in the first place. Two weeks already? Arthur really needed to become faster at bringing things up sooner on the table. Honestly though, he had noticed on the first week already. After three nights of continuously seeing his servant in his bed, he realized that he might not be going crazy after all and having dirty dreams about _Merlin_, for Christ's sake, but that the other was truly, physically in his bed. That had been very interesting to discover. Not that he paid much attention to it. He had more important things to worry about other than clingy servants. Now he began thinking that maybe, just maybe it would have been a good thing to do after all. It was harder to take away than to never have given it. Poor Merlin.

But he had no other choice. People were getting suspicious of how quickly Merlin could get into his room, even before sunrise. Had Gaius somehow missed that his _only_ pupil _frequently_ wandered off in the evenings and returned late in the morning? If Arthur ever was going to have children, he would never let Gaius look after them. Though, with the way the things were going right now, it seemed like he was never going to have children. He would probably end up marrying Merlin just to avoid talking about the God forsaken kiss. Arthur groaned and pulled the covers over his head. He distinctly heard Merlin asking him if he was alright. No, he wasn't alright. It was about time he started facing the facts. He had to talk about the kiss, sooner or later. And it would be better if sooner, because things would go worse with the way they were going now. He sighed and pulled the covers off. Merlin was eyeing him worriedly, lying on his side and leaning on his elbow. Arthur sighed again. Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"Merlin… We have to talk", the eyebrow rose higher, "About the… About the night I was drunk and may have allured you into ungodly activities with me."

Merlin blinked and gave Arthur an incredulous look. Arthur didn't think he really deserved that. If you asked him, his statement made no less than sense. But by the look on the other's face, it seemed like he didn't, and Arthur didn't understand why not. He had been drunk, it apparently had been his fault and they had been doing forbidden activities. He waited for the other to explain himself.

"You do know we _only_ kissed?"

Arthur isn't completely sure what he should make out of that sentence. First of all, Merlin was totally ignoring the essential. In fact, he was actually avoiding the subject, which was Arthur's job really. When the prince had finally been ready to talk about it, Merlin was the one who blew it up. Arthur felt some satisfaction at that: he was not the only one who was making mistakes now. Well, Arthur certainly wasn't going to try to talk about the kiss anymore. He didn't even want to talk about whatever Merlin was talking about now, because it confused him almost as much as the fact that Merlin had suddenly brought up a random topic to talk about. So, he decided to go at it from another direction.

"Look, you cannot sleep here anymore. This bed is reserved for me and me only. There should not be anyone else in it, ever", he had to consider that for a second, "Except maybe someday a pretty princess. But that's irrelevant right now."

The servant hummed pleasantly in agreement, which sounded fairly dangerous in Arthur's opinion. For a reason he couldn't point out for the moment, but he had a feeling he would find out soon enough. Merlin dragged himself closer to Arthur a soft smile playing on his lips. A predator grin, Arthur decided. Though Merlin always smiled like that, he just seemed more threatening right now. His eyes nearly popped out from their sockets when he felt a warm touch on the cold skin of his biceps. A silent noise in the back of his head was berating him about lying on his back, in such a vulnerable position, but his mind was mainly focusing on the fact that his servant had now began to caress his arm in a rather… strange manner. Which felt quite weird. What the heck was happening now?

"Well then… what will the princess do in this bed when she gets here?"

Arthur's thoughts were disorganized enough for him not to be able to form coherent sentences in his head. What was the princess going to do? In the bed. The princess must do something in the bed. The princess would lie down and close his eyes and then something would happen, which would make the princess black out. What was the princess doing? The princess, the princess. What princess? No, that wasn't essential. Where the princess came from wasn't essential. But the princess would most definitely…

"Sleep", Arthur breathed out and his eyes widened slightly for the effort, "She would fall asleep. And then… _and then. _We would sleep together. And we would make love."

He wasn't even sure himself why it had been so hard to get such a simple thing out. But his voice had been completely stable and he hadn't paused much, so he didn't think Merlin would notice that anything was weird. Merlin chuckled, dark and low, and Arthur came to the conclusion that he was still somehow, mentally hunting the prince. That was until Merlin made a move to crawl on top of him, and he became certain that it was more of a physical hunt. Merlin hummed again, almost purred, and Arthur was screaming "what the hell" inside his own head. Outside his head, he had absolutely frozen. Merlin somehow managed to _slide_ on top of him, in a way that was so smooth, he didn't know it was possible for the servant, and leaned down so his lips could reach the other's ear. And then he whispered something quite new to the prince, something that rather effectively shut down all the screaming inside Arthur.

"Then there's nothing the princess could do and I couldn't. I can sleep and I believe I can make love too."

Merlin slowly shifted off the other and Arthur was left staring back at him in a daze, which was nothing new, really. Merlin probably enjoyed the rest of the night, because Arthur had finally been silenced. Little did he know that, after the initial surprise, Arthur's inner voice didn't shut up for a moment and Arthur's silence was actually a reaction to the things that that little voice was suggesting.


	5. Pleading the fifth

I actually did this last Wednesday already! I was planning to write another fic, but before I started writing it, I checked my e-mail. Someone had put an alert to this, so I thought to myself, "screw it, I'm going to do this now" :D Because I already had it planned. It was just waiting to be typed. So anyway, I wrote it, but it took me this long to do the final check on it _ I'm hopeless like that, I need kicking before I do anything... So, comments, please? They're the things that keep me going! x)

* * *

Arthur was eating breakfast. Or at least he was supposed to be eating. But he hadn't even taken a bite of the food before him and already he felt like there was something stuck in his throat. He was nearly sweating in his efforts to try to endure the tension in his body. There was something he needed to say. But he didn't know how to say it. And it wasn't as if he didn't have it all planned, oh no, quite the contrary. A perfectly smooth and clear twine of words was waiting inside his mouth, completely ready to burst out at any moment of weakness. It was just that he didn't know how he would be able to just give voice to it, without losing his pride and looking weird. To tell the truth, he shouldn't have feared. What he was about to say had nothing to do with Athur himself directly, or at least the person he was trying to say it to didn't know that. So why couldn't he just say it? Why was he torturing himself like this?

Arthur sighed deeply, trying to calm himself down. The person at the other end of the table cast a questioning look toward him. Arthur then realized that he was going to lose his chance to speak out his mind if the other said anything. He wouldn't be able to say it, no way, in case the other asked about it first. Which was a very strange way to look at it, but Arthur didn't doubt for even one single second that it wouldn't go just like that: he'd chicken out. He was actually proud of himself for knowing himself so well that he could say that without having to follow any logical track to it. But then when his companion to breakfast actually did open his mouth to speak, the already distressed prince felt a surge of panic seep through him and he beat the other to it.

"Father, can two guys be romantically involved with each other?"

It was a good thing that Uther didn't have any food in his mouth at that moment, Arthur decided, because he surely would have felt a strangling feeling much worse than the one Arthur had just felt a second ago. He most likely would have choked on his food, considering he was just now choking on mere air. Arthur got up and was ready to rush to his father, the king, but Uther just waved a hand without concern and gestured him to sit back down. Hesitantly, Arthur followed his instructions, though he still kept a steady eye on the other. Uther coughed and took a sip of his drink to ease his dry throat. He seemed to be getting over his initial shock and looked almost calm. This slightly worried Arthur, because he still wasn't speaking. He hoped his father wasn't just going to ignore the question or things would get unavoidably uncomfortable between them for possible the whole following month.

Not that Arthur necessarily even wanted an answer. Being ignored was probably the least of his worries. He hoped his father wouldn't get any ideas of Arthur being involved in that stuff. Well, he was, involuntarily though. Or at least that was what he insisted. But whether that was the truth or not, he didn't want his father to know anything about what had been happing between his servant and him. If this conversation held the signs of uncomfortable, then he had no way of describing how that conversation would go. Uther looked thoughtful for a moment and began nodding his head. That probably crept Arthur out more than it should have. There was no way Uther actually accepted same sex relations, was there? Or… honestly, why not? What was stopping him?

"I take it that you too have seen those two knights of yours."

Arthur's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets while Uther was busy stroking his beard in deep thought. What knights? Arthur hadn't heard anything about any knights and his knights the least. His father wasn't serious, was he? There was no way such could happen between any of his knights without him noticing, right? Right? But even if he was thinking that, he could already feel this remote feeling of doubt slowly starting to crawl inside his veins. But who? Which knights? While Arthur sunk into thought, Uther snapped out of it. He finally seemed to realize that that was not what his son had been talking about, if the sudden size of his eyes were anything to go by. Uther laughed and made another dismissive motion with his hand, perhaps a little defensively too.

"Oh, no, I digress. Forget what I said. Relationship between two guys? Oh yes, I've heard about that…"

There was no way Arthur was actually going to forget about it or even believe that those two, for now unknown knights, had nothing to do with their current subject. But it seemed like Uther wasn't going to spill the beans. So clearly, he'd have to talk to his men later. Later was fine, he had more pressing matters to think about now anyway. He was actually rather interested with what his father was going to say. At least not yet, Uther hadn't show any signs of disapproval to what Arthur had been asking about. This calmed him down a bit. Maybe he had finally found someone he could talk about these things. Or at least, hear a little bit more about, since he still wasn't planning to tell him anything about Merlin. Amazing though, how easy the search for a person to talk to had been.

"You have heard of the Roman Empire, have you? Of course you have, but there's nothing wrong with a little recap. Not too long ago, it, in fact, ruled this very precious land of ours. But that was even before my time and a whole different story. However, it was very typical for the men of their culture to be sexually involved with other men. It… somehow seeped into our culture as well, but not as prominently. The best way to describe it would probably be that for them, the Romans, it was a way of life. That was how they saw things should be. To us then, it is merely an idea. An interesting thought, to be exact, something that we may be able to use in some difficult situations."

It was highly surprising to Arthur what he was hearing. He had wanted to ask his father's opinion on it. But obviously, Uther had a lot more than that to offer. He even had some historical background to share, of a thing that Arthur hadn't even known that existed. Not that he was complaining. There was a whole culture supporting something that he had been slightly afraid of. He didn't feel so alone anymore, not so out of the ordinary. Arthur had already forgotten his breakfast and was now leaning forwards on the table, his plate pushed aside. It was almost like he was worried that something would slip past his ears if he wasn't as close as he could be without actually having to get up. He was so caught up in the story, wanting to hear more, that he was forgetting to marvel at the fact that his farther, Uther, the king of Camelot, was telling him something that was apparently a fact filled story about being in a same sex relationship with another man. Uther, who he had been afraid that wouldn't even accept such a thing.

"You must wonder what these difficult situations are, huh? Of what use could such thing truly be to us? Well, it is not always that a woman can please her man. Especially for us of the royal or even those of the noble blood it is very troublesome. Because as you know, many of our marriages are tied on accord of benefit and mutual gain, not love and not even lust. These wives are not ones to give pleasure, they are for giving birth to appropriate heirs. The obvious solution to this problem is a paramour. Some men seek for beautiful women to lure to their beds, but I'm sure you're aware of the disadvantage of such relationships: the illegitimate children. On the other hand, men cannot give birth. So to come up with the idea of sleeping with beautiful men instead? Rather ingenious, isn't it?"

Uther looked rather pleased with himself as he tapped his fingers together in a perfectly steady rhythm. He was quiet after that, so Arthur deduced that he had finally reached the end of his small presentation. The prince blinked and relaxed back into his chair. He felt rather speechless, even though there were several questions mulling around in his head. Why hadn't he ever heard about any of that before? Sure he had heard about the Roman Empire and he also knew about arranged marriages, but never before had he been told about this side of the things. It slightly disturbed him too. It seemed like everything was happening behind his back these days. He wondered if Merlin knew. Uther's voice brought his gaze from where it had dropped to point at his untouched food, to look at the other.

"Is there a special reason for you asking about this? Perhaps you have been thinking about getting a secret lover of your own? I personally would recommend a servant for that job. It's less suspicious if he's a part of the castle's staff… Who was your personal servant again? Was he even a man…? Oh well, there's this young laundry boy I remember seeing the other day and I think you just might like him…"

Wait, what? The conversation had just taken an unexpected turn. How the hell could he have been considering taking himself a male lover since he had heard about the possibility just now? And he didn't even have wife yet, everything was just against that deduction. Arthur almost had a heart attack when Uther started talking about servants, though the feeling moved on almost as fast as it had jumped on him, as he realized less than ten second later that Uther didn't actually remember Merlin. Arthur felt a mixed wave of exasperation and incredulity wash over him. Just a half an hour ago, if someone would have told him that his father was going to try to set him up with their laundry boy on their next breakfast together, he would have smacked the person around the head in an attempt to get some sense back into them. He would have thought that person was either crazy or drunk. Now, not so, though he still had a hard time believing what he was hearing. One thing was sure: he did not want to discuss this with his father.

"Ah, oh my, the food is getting cold!"

For that moment, he was very much happy for the fact that Uther was a little dense in the mornings and didn't notice that Arthur was actually eating just salad. Cold in the very beginning salad. He hadn't felt like eating anything too heavy that morning, since his stomach had been quite uneasy to begin with. He really should have given Uther more credit. Just because he hated witchcraft, with a fairly acceptable reason, didn't mean he hated everything, with no reason. But at any rate, Uther had momentarily forgotten his own food too so it actually was a called notion, since he had warm porridge. For a moment, they just ate in a comfortable silence. Then something suddenly occurred to Arthur. He looked nervously at his father, who sensed the look and looked back in the middle of pushing a spoon inside his mouth. Arthur hastily turned his eyes back to stare holes into the table and his cheeks felt unnaturally hot. Unlike his previous question, for this one he wasn't expecting an attack anymore. He just felt like it was going to be extremely awkward.

"Um… Can I ask you something personal?" Uther nodded eagerly and Arthur wondered why he seemed so excited about the idea of talking about his personal things, "Have you ever… uh, have you ever been like that with another male?"

Uther swallowed another spoonful of porridge and without much hesitation, shook his head. Arthur wasn't going to say it out loud, but he was relieved. Even if he had been with another man, Arthur didn't honestly want to hear it. The only reason he had been asking was for the sake of his mother. Though, Arthur knew his father and mother had gotten married because of love, not personal benefits, and that didn't fit into the description Uther had given about the secret lovers. He supposed the only way that could have happened was that Uther had had a… wild youth, no matter how weird it was to admit it and how impossible it was to even try to think about it.

"No, no. I met your mother at a young age. And she always knew how to please me!"

The king proudly raised his spoon high into the air like a scepter and Arthur decided not to answer to that, even though he really wanted to tell him that he could use more suave words when talking to his son about the matter in question. He could have said something like, "We didn't have that problem", but no. Still, he didn't say anything, because Uther would probably not understand. He'd most likely think Arthur was the weird one and would try to steel him by starting to tell more explicit tales. Arthur frowned at his food. Instead of starting to think about his father and mother in "work", he suddenly remembered Merlin's offer from last night. He hadn't really been able to sleep well after that and only now he actually felt completely calm, after talking about it with his father. Deep, very deep, in the bottom of his own mind, Arthur could admit that he had been afraid for the past few weeks, but he hadn't been afraid of Merlin molesting him or something like that, like one could easily think he was.

It was the strangeness of the situation that really worried him. He had thought there was something severely wrong with both of them for keeping it for so long and he didn't know what would happen to them if they continued on that path. It never had been only Arthur himself that he had been worried about. There was nothing wrong with being a little curious. But this was becoming something more, they had both already used their one time of experiment. But now then, all that worrying seemed pointless. The Romans had practiced it for God knows how long. And they were probably practicing it at the very moment too. His father had said that it was okay, it had been done before. It was nearly normal. If there was anything to worry about, his father would have told his beloved son, his only heir. But he didn't, he had even encouraged him to go and try it with the laundry boy.

It wasn't any specific danger that Arthur had been waiting for. But just because you can't see the danger, doesn't mean there isn't one. If you don't understand why you can't jump down from the highest tower of the castle, doesn't mean you should. When given the time to think, Arthur didn't do everything stupid and unnecessary just because he could. No, Arthur knew that it was possible that there were dangers he couldn't have known of or just didn't come to think of. The only reason he usually rushed into random fights without that much thought was that there was usually something very precious at stake. And you couldn't afford to be so careful at those times, you weren't given the time to think. But what had happened between him and Merlin… He couldn't know if they somehow ended up waking an immortal army of dragons to attack the village by carrying it any further. And the price for that would have been personal enjoyment of two people. It didn't seem fair.

Now that he was sure there was no danger, there was only one thing to consider: if he was completely honest with himself, how did he truly feel about it all? Arthur bit his lip. His searching eyes turned toward his father. But there was no way the man could help him with this. He had to figure this all out by himself.

"I think I've had enough to eat. It was nice having breakfast with you."

Then Arthur got up, leaving the plate there for the maids to take care of. He really needed a quiet place to think about it all. He was finally ready to go solve this, to come up with an answer that would hopefully bring an end to this whole mess.


End file.
