Bleach 1. Yarrow

1st story of Flower Dictionary  
Title: Yarrow  
Summary: Byakuya is badly hurt while separated from his division during a mission and no one knows what happened to him. Renji, in denial and shock unconsciously does his best to find atonement. When the scheduled return to duty for the captain is postponed he demands answers. But what happens when he coaxes Byakuya into explaining?  
Pairing: Byakuya x Renji  
Warnings: Near death experience, psychological, male x male/yaoi, descriptive lemon, dark, alcohol, crazy shit  
Author warning: Author was stressed and then went bonkers.  
Genre: Drama/Romance/slight Humor/slightly Dark fic  
Rating: M

A/N: I hope you enjoy this story and leave a review when you are done! Ideas for future couples and flower themes are welcome! Author note continues at the end if you are interested (or want an explanation…), but go on and read the story now!

[_Italics in the beginning _= Past self-centered Byakuya pow]

_

* * *

Thunder rolled overhead and for a moment the sky was lit with white. Then the rain came. It felt like thousands of needles dipped in ice rained down on my battered body and their coldness turned the throbbing pain of my wounds into blazing fires. Struggling to stay conscious as signals of pain explode from every nerve in my body I claw at the darkness at the edge of my vision. I try to move, but as I do I feel warm liquid stream up my throat from my insides. I cough and swallow as blood tries to flood my mouth, forcing it down to whence it came from. Flashing overhead is another bolt of lightning and when the rumble comes I can't tell if it's the thunder I hear or my own breath rattling in my chest. My fingers are growing numb even as I struggle to move my arm to reach for the small communication device in my pocket. I know I need to get help, but I can't help but hesitate as the thought of letting anyone see me in this disheveled and broken state enters my mind. But if I don't, I know I will die. The thought chills me and I shiver, tearing at my injuries and feeling blood spill anew. The world tilts around me as I roll my head to the side, not caring how mud instantly stains my face as getting the new puddle of blood out of my mouth is the only concern I can muster enough energy to accomplish. _

"_**What a **__**pathetic sight**__" A voice says and I try to pinpoint the owner of it. Unable to muster enough energy to move my head I close my eyes and focus on my breathing that has become erratic from my struggles. _

"_**Are you ignoring me?"**__ The voice asks then with a sligh__t quirk of mirth to it and I can't help but find it familiar. But my thoughts are clouded and as my eyes are closed I feel myself slipping away. Sternly pulling myself back to awareness I find the person crouched in front of me, my communicator dangling in__ a pale hand. _

"_**Your friends should be on their way here now."**__ At my quizzical look I receive a small chuckle falling from narrow lips. _

"_**It wouldn't be any fun if you died now, would it? Much better you die when you're all alone in this world, your life s**__**cattered in pieces around you and all you can do is begging for it all to end." **__I feel __my eyes go wider in realization and for a moment the face before me clears. Suppressing my initial impulse to pull back I squeeze shut my eyes as fear pierces me, seepin__g past my guards and paralyzing my thoughts. _

_I do not know how long I lay there; paralyzed by the fear instilled in me and trapped in a body that slowly grew cold and unresponsive, waiting for death to claim me. All I know is that your voice pierced the dark and called me back. _

"Captain!"_ Forcing my heavy eyelids open I see nothing but a clouded mist. My vision is failing me, but I can sense that you are near. And then I hear you and feel mud splash unto my already stained face and clothing as you land be__side me. I want to rebuke you, but I can't find the words. I at least want to call your name and finds that it falls easily from my bloodied lips._

"Renji…"_ Then darkness rises around me and I can no longer struggle for my body is broken, my eyes blind and __my voice is as silent as the darkness that claims me._

* * *

Renji sat by his desk in the 6th division and furiously worked at his paperwork. He attacked every new report with a vengeance and cursed as he knocked a heap down while reaching for some new ink. He hurried and started to gather the papers from the floor and putting them in an unstable pile that eventually toppled over and spread the offending papers across the area he had been cleaning once more. He scratched his head with both hands and made a frustrated sound.  
Ever since they had returned from their latest mission the office had been flooded by reports and other paperwork needing attention. It wouldn't have been any trouble if his captain was there, but the captain of the 6th had yet to return from the 4th division. It was already the fifth day since the squad had brought back the grievously injured captain, and though he was going to be released for home rest once his vitals stabilized he was still to be on leave for rehabilitation for a month after his release. This left the Renji in a hard spot. Not only had he been asked what had happened several times and each time been unable to answer, but he had also asked himself repeatedly why he hadn't been there. The frustration and guilt had built to an unmanageable size and he had eventually tried to drown his frustration by doing paperwork, but now found himself drowning more literally in the paperwork than what he had imagined at first.

"It never ends!" He whined out loud and fell onto his back on the floor. Staring up at the ceiling he could almost hear his captain's calm rebuke at his behavior. The room felt so much bigger without the noble there to fill the space. He sat up quickly and shook his head in denial. He was definitely not saying the captain was fat or anything! His presence was big, that was all!  
… Byakuya would most likely scowl at him if he'd heard that. Remembering that he was sitting all alone in the office with paperwork scattered all over the floor he groaned and rose to dust of his clothes. As he did, he realized that it wasn't just the noble's presence that was missing; the room missed its usual spartan tidiness. Dust had started to gather on the floor which was evident as a small cloud of dust followed his hands movements. Looking at the room in a new light he realized how much had changed in the few days since his return. The room looked like it hadn't been cleaned since then and when he thought about it he realized he'd spent so much time here the past few days that it probably hadn't gotten the time to get cleaned. He had even slept here just yesterday. Following that train of thought, Renji realized he hadn't gotten the time to get cleaned either. It was definitely time to leave the office for a bit.  
After putting the office somewhat in order again he left for his own quarters where he took a nice shower before eating followed by a nap. This was much better, he mused before he fell asleep.

The next day he had the office cleaned and went to the lieutenants meeting before he had the usual training with the squad. Only after a new shower and a good meal after the training did he return to the office and started to work on the ever growing piles. He was determined to keep the paperwork for when the captain returned to a minimum. Maybe it was a sort of self punishment, or maybe he simply wanted the noble to tell him he had done a good job when he returned. He didn't waste time thinking about that crap though, instead focusing on doing the paperwork and inventing new and more vulgar swearwords in the process.

The days crept on until eventually he received the message that Byakuya had finally been released from the 4th. That meant it was only a month left until he was coming back. Renji sighed before he let his head fall unto the desks hard surface.

"I'll be dead by then" He groaned, upsetting a new pile of paperwork that fell to the floor. Kira who had been there at the time to deliver yet another stack of paperwork that needed signing gave a sympathetic smile and put his hands together in an apologizing manner before excusing himself.

The next month was filled with paperwork falling to the floor, flying out the window by a gust of wind, falling onto of an unsuspecting redhead and getting ruined by ink stains. It was also filled with outbursts of dismay, frustrating arguments with himself that lead to not a few doubting his sanity and occasionally a shout of triumph as he conquered a new heap.  
Rukia would drop by once in a while to drag him out of the office to eat with her and even tried to make him visit her brother a few times. He did visit the noble before he went on home rest, but hadn't seen the man since. He had expected to see him quite soon after leaving the 4th actually and had been surprised when it was almost time for his scheduled return and he had yet to set foot in the division. He told Rukia that one day and she looked away with a complicated look on her face.

"Nii-sama isn't at all like himself. He barely speaks and he has started to eat alone in his quarters instead of at the dinner table. I rarely ever see him anymore, and when I do he's so distant and quiet…" Her voice was laced with worry and Renji was surprised at her description of the noble's behavior. She suddenly turned to look at him again.

"Renji, won't you please come and visit him? Maybe he'll speak to you…" Her eyes were pleading and he couldn't possibly say no when she asked him like that. Scratching the back of his head awkwardly, he accepted.

"But I can't promise it'll change anything…" He muttered as she thanked him. She ignored it though and hurried back to the estate to inform her brother of the good news.

And so it came to be that Abarai Renji, lieutenant of the 6th division walked the steps to the Kuchiki estate entrance later that day. Rukia was already waiting for him when he arrived and she led him through the halls to one of the many grand rooms. She knocked and quietly announced their presence before she slid the door open. The room was lit by small kido lamps in the corners and the door leading to a terrace overlooking one of the many gardens. Clothed in a pale yukata by the sliding doors sat Byakuya. His hair was down and though his expression was as calm and collected as it usually was, there was a sort of emptiness to it. The noble didn't look up as they entered, instead focusing on the scenery of the moon bathed garden. Rukia went over and seated herself on a small pillow and Renji soon followed her example.

And then there was silence.

No one in the room said anything; Rukia seeming to be at a loss for words and expecting Renji to say something, Renji uncertain and feeling really out of place in the scarcely but expensively furnished room and Byakuya who simply didn't acknowledge them or didn't feel the need for words. Time crept by and still the silence reigned in the room. Renji was starting to get fidgety under the heavy silence and just when he was about to breach it if so just to get it over with, Byakuya beat him to it.

"Rukia, could you get us some tea?" His voice was low and there was a slightly hoarse tone to it that instantly caught Renji's attention.

"Of course" Rukia answered and seemed relieved to be able to leave for a moment. As her brother continued to look out at the garden she gave Renji a pleading look and mouthed the words 'speak to him' before she left. Glancing at the noble he sighed.

"Uhm…Captain, how have you been?" He asked feebly and Byakuya stayed silent so long that Renji was starting to doubt that the noble would even grace him with an answer.

"My body is fine" Byakuya eventually answers and Renji waits for a continuation to the sentence as the word 'but' seems to hang heavily in the air unsaid.

But Byakuya stays silent and when Rukia returns to the room he had yet to say anything else. Rukia shot Renji a questioning look and the redhead shrugged helplessly. Once the tea was served the silence stretched until the time Byakuya sighed and seemed to force himself back to awareness. He rose and smoothed the folds out of his pale garments before he excused himself, leaving the two alone in the room.

Rukia sat with her head lowered so Renji couldn't see her expression but the slight slump in her shoulders told him that she was sad. He instantly thought she was disappointed since he hadn't been able to do something for her brother and protested.

"I tried! I barely thought he would answer… But I really did try!" Rukia looked at him and shook her head.

"I know, Renji. I just hoped…" She didn't finish the sentence, leaving it open for Renji to fill it in for himself. A knock was heard on the door and two servants came in, the female saying that it was time for Rukia-sama to prepare for bed and the male that he was to follow Abarai-dono to the door. Renji nodded and walked over to the waiting servant. Wishing Rukia a good night over his shoulder he walked away.

On the way past a garden he stopped slightly as he caught sight of someone standing on the other side of a pond. He furrowed his brows as he saw the midnight black hair of his captain and intense silver eyes. He locked into those eyes and realized that the captain was actually looking at him. During his stay in the manor, the noble hadn't graced either of them with so much as a glance, but now he was looking straight at him. Renji felt a slight shiver trace up his spine when Byakuya suddenly turned and walked away, the shadows swallowing his form. There was just something ominous in the way the man disappeared without a sound like that.

The servant urged him on and he reluctantly followed the man. The streets were dark as he walked back towards his quarters and he found that he was longing to simply lie down and fall asleep. The day had been tiring and he had to get up early tomorrow for training with the squad followed by more paperwork... He laughed as a sudden thought hit him. How ironic, when the captain was there he had to struggle to be on time but when he wasn't there to remind him and rebuke him when he still didn't manage it, he got there early and managed his duties nearly faultlessly! He wasn't as useless as the captain made him feel!

"OOF!" Just as he thought that, he tripped and ended up sprawled on the ground.

"That's just not funny…" He groaned to no one in particular as he sat up, rubbing a growing bump over his left brow. Grumbling about lack of sleep he went back to his quarters and promptly forced himself asleep.

* * *

"WHAT?" The question piercing the morning and making several persons turn towards it in surprise came from the redheaded lieutenant of the 6th division. He had just received a note signed by Unohana-taichou as well as the soutaichou, and he was beyond surprised.

"What do you mean he's not coming back today?" He roared at the paper that, obviously, didn't do anything back. He glared at the text that informed him that due to "certain complications with the rehabilitation, the return of Kuchiki Byakuya have been postponed to an undecided date." What was this shit? Crumpling the paper in his hand he headed over towards the 4th division. There must be something wrong with this! Kuchiki Byakuya would _never_ extend his leave! _**Never!**_

But when he finally after much trouble got to speak to the 4th division captain she told him plainly that it wasn't his business. When he protested she cut him off.

"Without the consent of the person in question I have no right to give out personal information in my possession. I am certain you know this and as such all you need to know is that he will be back in service when I deem him ready for it." She wasn't telling him this to be cruel but it still stung. He felt anger continue to simmer inside him at her refusal to tell him anything and she saw through the redhead's flimsy attempt at hiding it.

"Abarai" She said and he looked at her. When the captain used this tone, there was no way you were going to ignore her.

"You should take a day's leave yourself, you look practically worn out. I'll inform your division, so go back to your quarters and rest for a while. Maybe when your head cools your thoughts will clear with it." Her last words were cryptic but before he could ask what she meant by that she gave him that disarming smile that clearly said 'now go do as I told you'. He left with a sour look on his face and wondered if he should ignore her **"advice"** of taking the day off. He considered it but came to the conclusion that he wasn't ready to feel the woman's wrath. He never would.

Letting out an irritated huff he went back to his quarters and dressed into more slacking-friendly clothes. He dressed in a pale beige and red yukata and then flopped down on his futon with his hair down. After what felt like eternity he finally sighed and felt how his anger dissipated. It was too tiring to keep it up and he didn't really have any reason to feel angry… And he really wasn't, he realized. It had just been easier to handle than the disappointment and underlying concern he really felt.  
Realizing that, he felt stupid. He'd certainly made a fool out of himself. He took that thought with him as he dozed off into sleep a while later.

When he woke up it was nearly evening and his stomach growled unhappily. He looked through his cabinets to see what he had and grimaced when he found nothing worth eating. Sighing, he decided to eat out for once and went to dress. Dressing in a comfortable red yukata for outside-working-hours-only, he put up his hair again and headed out after making sure to have his money with him.

He walked slowly down the road when Rukia suddenly flash stepped up to him. Renji took a step back in surprise and staggered when she grabbed his arm and started to drag him off in the opposite direction.

"H-Hey!" He exclaimed.

"Just come with me." She answers shortly and he does just that until he recognizes the way leading to the Kuchiki estate.

"Oi, Rukia! Where are we going?" He asked, hoping he wasn't right.

"We're going to visit Nii-sama." She said and all protests he may have were meaningless as she dragged him to the entrance and gave him a pointed look before she let him go and walked briskly inside. Not knowing what else to do, Renji followed.

The room they went to this time could as well have been the same as last time, but with the doors at the end of the room closed he couldn't be certain. Byakuya was sitting in the middle of the room by a small table with food and a cup of sake on it. The food was mostly untouched but by the number of bottles he could easily assume that the man had been drinking more than just one cup. In all the years Renji had known the noble, he had never seen him drink, not even once. Sure, he knew that the man would drink on celebrations and stuff, though he'd never seen it, but not nearly enough to get drunk. And if the man had drained those two bottles and started on the third…  
No wonder Rukia was concerned.

This time, instead of sitting down, she pushed the stunned redhead inside the room and then excused herself, leaving the two men alone. Blinking in confusion at the quick turn of events, Renji remained standing until Byakuya looked up at him.

"You may sit, Renji." He pointed out and Renji nodded and made an agreeing sound before he moved closer and sat down. Silence stretched between them while Byakuya poked at his food absentmindedly. Though the noble seemed to be uninterested, the sight of the well prepared food made Renji's mouth water. He watched with hungry eyes as Byakuya finally picked up a piece of perfectly cooked fish and put it inside his mouth as narrow lips opened to accept it. He continued to stare as the noble slowly chewed the food and saw the skin of his slim throat flex as he swallowed.

"Is there something wrong?" Byakuya's quiet query awoke him to reality and he opened his mouth even as he desperately searched for a good excuse for staring at his captain's lips and neck and… Okay, those thoughts are heading into dangerous territory. He nearly face palmed but resisted it only to flush as his stomach suddenly let out a rumbling protest. Silence followed the sound and Renji flushed a bright crimson in embarrassment.

"Ah" Renji looked up at his captain and blushed harder at the raised brow and considering look he was receiving.

"Should I tell the servants to bring you something?" The noble asked politely and Renji was about to decline when his stomach once more rumbled. Groaning softly and tossing whatever pride he had left at that moment out the window he nodded. Byakuya tapped a bowl before him and a servant came inside just a few seconds later. He spoke quietly to the servant before he picked up his sake and took a small sip of it. The servant bowed before hurrying out again.

"Are the servants hiding behind the walls or something?" He muttered it quietly, more to himself but Byakuya answered him calmly.

"They are situated nearby in all occupied rooms except the private quarters. Only the attendants are allowed there without specified orders." Renji blinked and found a picture of people hiding and spying on everything being said popping into his mind. He dismissed the thought quickly as he was certain that the noble hadn't meant it to make him feel paranoid, and though it had, he forced the feeling away as it was stupid. Most likely.

Byakuya filled his sake cup again and it was only then that Renji realized the captain had downed the previous one. He furrowed his brow slightly and then discreetly looked for any signs that the man might be drunk. His hand was steady and though his eyes were clouded, Renji actually thought it was more from him being absentminded than from the alcohol. His posture was relaxed and he hadn't slurred when he spoke. He didn't seem drunk, so hopefully he had a high tolerance…

The servant came back and Renji dropped his musings in favor of admiring the food. It was all he could do to keep from wolfing it down the moment it was placed before him. The servant left and he thanked for the food before he started to eat. It was heavenly. Simply delicious. He spent the next few minutes forcing himself to eat calmly, savoring every piece. When he was about done he looked up and saw something very odd. The captain was smiling.

"I see the food was to your liking" Byakuya said and the faint smile still graced his lips. Renji swallowed before he answered.

"It's amazing. Wouldn't expect any less from the Kuchiki kitchen" He answered with a hint of a joking tone on the last. Byakuya gave a slight nod.

"No one does." He said and then drank some. "No one ever does." Renji looked carefully at the dark-haired man and saw that perhaps he'd been wrong in his assumptions that the man wasn't drunk. He may be able to hide it well, but a sober Byakuya would never say something like that. Drinking may loosen his tongue.  
Deciding to try out his theory, he spoke a little more freely, hoping to coax the captain into speaking.

"Well, the Kuchiki's are the highest noble family in soul society; of course the expectations are high!" Renji said loudly and leaned back while he watched to see the man's reaction.

"You have no idea…" Byakuya answered and gave a breathy sigh.

"You are damn right I don't" Renji answered honestly, hoping to get a response. Byakuya cast a halfhearted glare his way.

"Watch your language." The rebuke was spoiled by a slight slur in the middle and Renji was now certain of it. His captain had been drinking a bit more than what was "_proper_".

"Sorry, but I really can't know anything of it since you don't speak about it." The redhead pointed out. Byakuya seemed to mull the words over before he answered.

"True… 's not something you need to know… just bothersome…" He paused at several times in the sentence and his voice became lower at the end of it.

"Do you mind if I ask a question, captain?" Byakuya looked at Renji before he shook his head.

"Go ahead." Renji ignored the increasingly casual way the man acted and went on with his questioning.

"Something happened during that mission. Can you tell me?" Renji hadn't expected what the captain did then. He winced at the sound of the cup hitting the floor and breaking before he looked in shock at his captain. Byakuya had thrown the cup at the floor before he rose and headed towards the door. Renji almost thought he was going to get thrown out, but then Byakuya stopped before the door and looked back at the redhead with a dark look on his face.

"Follow me" It wasn't a request. It was an order from a captain to his lieutenant. Renji rose fluently and followed the noble. He didn't bother to close the door after them as he noticed several servants waiting to head inside to clean up. Byakuya walked ahead with steady and flowing steps that contradicted the earlier signs of his intoxication. Renji didn't recognize the halls they were passing but by their decorations guessed that they were heading towards the more private areas of the estate.  
After several twists and turns they arrived at their destination. Byakuya opened a door to the left and stepped inside, quickly crossing the floor and opening one of the sliding doors leading to a private garden. The sheer beauty of the garden stunned Renji for a moment and he walked closer to it without really thinking about it. The fresh air was filled with a soft scent of cherry blossoms and when he came to the door he realized why. The biggest sakura tree he had ever seen before graced the garden and its pale flowers were lit by the gentle light of the moon. He stared in awe at it for several moments until he remembered his reasons for being there and turned in search of his captain.

While Renji had been mesmerized by the view, Byakuya had put a pair of sitting pillows and thin plaids on the floor and claimed one of each for himself. He had put the thin fabric over his shoulders against the slight chill of the evening breeze and as Renji turned to him he tucked his dark silken hair behind his ears. He then made a movement inviting the redhead to take a seat. Renji did so and looked warily but expectantly at his captain.

"A lot happened on that mission. You know some of it already. So the answer to your question depends on what you want to know." The captain gave him a considering look.

"Uhm… I guess I want to know how you got so hurt." Renji said hesitantly and he drew back slightly in surprise when Byakuya chuckled darkly.

"Is that what you want to hear? Ah, but that is a good story. I was careless and underestimated the enemy. Now isn't that a sight? The great Kuchiki Byakuya, beaten half to death with only his pride to blame. Pathetic" He gave a short laugh again and Renji swallowed thickly. Was this truly what the man thought? He was almost frightened by the uncharacteristic laugh and general behavior of the man before him. He had to force himself to continue speaking and not to excuse himself and run away.

"There must have been something else. I can't believe something like that could come from simply being careless…" Renji soon realized that was the wrong thing to say as the man before him quickly turned quiet and gave him a hard look.

"No one believes it. It's unthinkable for me to make mistakes so there must be something else." He nearly spat the words out and Renji winced.

"I didn't mean it like that…" Renji tried but Byakuya turned away and let out an irritated huff. Uncertain of what to say to pacify the disgruntled noble, he tried to press past the nobles avoiding answers.

"So you made a mistake. Fine. It may be hard but you can't just hide in the manor forever due to it." These words struck harder than he had intended. He saw how the anger seemed to drain of Byakuya's form along with his energy. He turned tired eyes at the lieutenant who stared back.

"You are right. But I can't return like this." Byakuya made a vague gesture at himself. He wore a slightly lost expression and Renji was unnerved by the sudden mood swings his captain was going through. He seemed to change by the minute!

"Before, I couldn't return because my injuries needed time to heal. Then I needed time to sort out what happened. But now I just don't know anymore." Byakuya continued and Renji listened quietly. This was why Rukia had asked him to come; to try and make the man release whatever feelings were bottled up inside.

"Until you came to speak to me, I feared I had lost all ability to feel, but now I feel anger and disgust, mostly at myself, coursing through me. I truly thought I was dead, Renji." This confession was so sudden that Renji didn't know how to answer it. As he sat speechless he saw how Byakuya slowly gathered himself up inside his barricades again. If he didn't do anything now, he'd most likely be told to leave and everything up to now would be for naught. He couldn't turn back now!

"Captain, have you spoken about this to anyone else?" Renji asked and Byakuya shook his head silently.

"As if they'd believe me. I'm not even certain you will." He said and wrapped the plaid more tightly around himself.

"This may be hard to understand, but I would never look down on something coming directly from the heart." Renji said quietly and hoped his captain would understand and not take it the wrong way and use it as an excuse to push him away.

"You believe me?" The question sounded almost incredulous.

"I do believe you." Renji answered seriously. Byakuya stared into his eyes silently but the redhead refused to look away.

"How can you say that when you don't know me?" Byakuya asked and his voice was slightly deeper than before.

"I know you as a captain." Renji offered and Byakuya nodded.

"You do…" The noble sighed. Then he chuckled causing the redhead to frown.

"What is it, captain?" Renji asked but Byakuya just shook his head, his shoulders trembling slightly as occasional chuckles broke loose from his form.

"Is this really real? I can't tell if I'm just imagining this moment to make myself feel better or if you are actually here speaking to me." There was a slightly hysterical note to his voice and when he looked up at Renji, said redhead gasped in shock. Streams of silver wetness graced the nobles face and though his eyes were bright and lucid, it also contained a small streak of madness. Byakuya shook his head before he rose and turned away.

"Maybe its better I stay locked up here in the mansion. I can stay here until I wither away and…" Renji rose quickly and went over to his captain. He could hardly believe what he did then. The sound of his hand making contact with the nobles face seemed to echo in the space around them. A red mark instantly started to form on the man's pale skin and Renji's breath hitched in his throat as he realized what he'd done.  
Byakuya blinked slowly and raised a hand to the angry red mark on his cheek. His expression was a strange mix of confusion and, of all things, curiosity.

"Renji" He said and Renji flinched.

"I-I'm sorry…" He mumbled and looked away. He shouldn't have snapped at the man! He wasn't himself at this moment and needed him there as support, not to freaking hit him!

"Why is it that you can say just a few words and still convey so much? How are you able to wake me from my living nightmare by a simple touch?" Byakuya said and Renji made a surprised sound and stepped back when the man suddenly moved closer to him.

"W-What are you…?" He stuttered and held his hands up as if to ward the noble off, but Byakuya slapped his hands away and grabbed him by the front and continued to walk, pressing the redhead backwards. They came to a sudden halt as Renji's back made contact to the wall behind him. He gulped and felt how sweat broke out on his forehead and back.  
Byakuya was staring at him with an intense look in his eyes. Those silver orbs seemed to be the only light available in the unlit part of the room they stood in. One of his hands was fisted in Renji's shirtfront and the other moved to touch the sore spot on his cheek again.

"It burns…" The noble's voice was low and Renji shuddered as the man's breath, reeking of alcohol, brushed past his face. He found that it was hard to breathe as the noble kept him in place against the wall with one hand on his chest and the weight of his gaze alone. The aura surrounding the captain was normally very intimidating, but this was completely different! His movements were slower and his voice low and almost sultry! Oh god, why did he have to turn from an ice block to a sex god? _'Stop changing behavior, you, you damn __bi-polar __noble!'_ Renji's mind shrieked.

"Why did you hit me, Renji?" Byakuya asked in that sinfully low voice and Renji gulped loudly as he tried to think of a way out of this situation.

"Well?" The noble pressed and then captured the redheads chin when said man tried to turn away.

"Look at me" He demanded and Renji did so reluctantly. Dark eyes met silver and Renji found his resistance growing weaker. Maybe he didn't want to get out of this situation quite yet… As he struggled less he managed to find his voice again.

"You were speaking nonsense and I had to snap you out of it." Renji answered shakily and the noble looked confused for a moment.

"What was this nonsense I spoke of? I can't remember anything I've said that should be worth a slap" The way the noble said the word 'slap' brought something else into the mind of a certain embarrassed redhead. Ignoring his rising lust, he answered the captain.

"You spoke about how you should stay in the manor until you wither away and stuff…" The noble cocked his head to the side in thought before shaking his head.

"That is of no concern for either of us. I have never had any inclination to lock myself up. And to wither away, it would be a waste, really." He let out a dramatic sigh and Renji's eyebrow twitched as a thought his him.  
_'C-Closet narcissist?'_ The thought was totally irrelevant for the situation but his mind decided to start chanting _'Narci-narci-narcissist~!_' for some insane reason and he found that he wanted to cry. His thoughts calmed when he felt the cool skin of Byakuya's forehead against his... Wait, what? When and how and why did that happen?

"Are you running a fever?" Byakuya asked him and Renji felt like screaming, protesting and crying. All at once. This man was all over the place! Not only did his moods swing worse than a pregnant woman out of cake, his hands and head and chest and practically all other body parts were invading his personal space and his damn drunken behavior was turning him on!

"My, I don't know if that is supposed to be a compliment or not…" Byakuya said and it was only then that Renji realized he'd practically screamed it in the nobles face. His face flushed and he hid his face in his hands so he wouldn't have to look at his captain anymore. _'Why did he have to say that out loud? Why god, why?'_

"Renji?" Renji refused to look up at the query. He was already so embarrassed he could die from it. He might as well go and die; he'd already dug his own grave.

"Renji, if you don't look at me this very second…" Byakuya left the threat uncompleted and Renji actually looked up at the noble. Only to feel narrow lips pressed hard against his own. He tensed and let his hands drop down to his sides. When Byakuya pulled back he stared into his eyes and found lust reflected there.

"If you kiss me again captain, I think I'll want more" Renji said in a lame attempt at warning the captain, but still hoping he would come back for more.

"Oh really now?" Byakuya said before crushing their lips together again, this time being met furiously by his lieutenant. Not caring anymore what tomorrow would bring, Renji pressed back against the firm body before him.

Slipping a hand up to Byakuya's waist he gave teasing touches until he found a sensitive spot. Byakuya gasped and Renji didn't miss his chance to bring their tongues into the kiss. Feeling his hair being let down and then being fisted in a strong callused sword hand, he fought against Byakuya for dominance but the man refused to give ground. Renji made a surprised sound when Byakuya gained the upper hand in the kiss and then he admitted defeat to the noble. Renji enjoyed the feel of Byakuya dominating the kiss, mapping out his mouth and then coming back to invite him into play again. But he didn't have any inclination of simply letting the noble dominate everything.

Without warning he moved both hands to the noble's legs and hoisted him up. Byakuya reflexively gave a small sound of surprise before he locked his legs around the redhead's waist to support himself. His pale yukata was pushed up and Renji moved his hands underneath it to grab hold of the tempting flesh hidden there. Byakuya had to move his arms around the redhead's upper body to keep himself balanced and did so, but then he forced Renji's tongue to submit once more with a vengeance.

Renji growled into the kiss and then moved them from the wall. He was a bit unsteady on his feet at first but managed to steady himself before anything went horribly wrong. He moved across the room towards the adjoining room, hoping it would be the bedroom.

"The bedroom is too far away" Byakuya broke the kiss to inform the redhead of this before he had a chance to open the door he had headed towards, which obviously wouldn't contain what he wanted. If the bedroom was too far away, he'd have to manage with something else then. He slammed the noble against the hard surface of the door and heard how the man gave a surprised gasp. Pressing him into the wood he hoisted him up a little further.

"We'll simply have to do with what we've got then" He stated with a smirk before attaching his mouth to the nobles tempting neck. Byakuya groaned as Renji put more of his weight against him and then buried his face in the red locks and impatiently squeezed with his legs, letting the redhead know he wasn't going to tolerate any laziness on his part. Renji slipped his hands up and undid the noble's fundoshi in response to the action and let it fall to the floor before he pressed a finger inside him. He pressed past the first ring of muscle and was pleased at the slightly wet warmth that he met past it. Wiggling his finger experimentally he searched the noble's insides. When he pulled the finger out it was slightly wet and wanted to slide in easier than the second finger he added when next he pressed against that puckered entrance. He met more resistance when he tried to move the fingers now but he ignored the constricting feeling. More than anything he just wanted to sate the lust he felt and Byakuya's body was perfect for his needs.

"I can't wait anymore" Renji informed the captain before he removed his fingers from the partially prepared entrance. He removed his own undergarments and then moved both of their clothes so he could position himself properly. When feeling Renji press slowly past the first ring of muscle, Byakuya hissed at the burning feeling erupting where his skin stretched to let the redheads engorged member inside. Wanting the feeling to go away he forced himself flat against the redhead, taking the redhead inside in one swift but slightly jerky motion.

Renji groaned as he felt his cock forced its way inside, painfully pushing past the reluctant muscles. He nearly missed the hiss of pain coming from the noble as his vision hazed over for a minute. When he recovered he wondered for a brief moment if his captain was okay. When he voiced his concern Byakuya dug his nails into his back through the red yukata and gave an annoyed hiss.

"No more words!" He growled and then bit down on the redhead's ear. Renji growled in response and then started thrusting. He snapped his hips sharply and his hands clamped down roughly on the flesh of the pale thighs spread for him. He loved the feeling of holding Byakuya. The noble's scent was a mix of alcohol, sweat and something spicy that he couldn't quite place in the sex induced high he was on. Byakuya's skin was soft and slick and the intimidating growl he let out when Renji bit down on his shoulder only drove him on.  
Soon the dark haired noble panted heavily and threw back his head to get more oxygen down his lungs. Hair stuck to his sweaty face and when Renji slammed extra hard against a certain spot he hissed, baring his teeth in an attempt to hold back a scream. Renji continued to aim for that spot but the noble refused to scream out his pleasure, instead settling for letting out throaty moans that rumbled through his chest.

Renji felt that he was getting closer but he didn't want to come before his captain. He let go of his grip on the man's thigh in order to start stroking the weeping arousal instead. He saw how Byakuya grit his teeth before giving a labored groan that sent a shiver through his body. He caught sight of a victorious smirk on the nobles face and knew he had no intention of coming before him. His competitive spirit bared its teeth and he forced himself to hold out even as Byakuya clenched repeatedly around him. He stroked the noble's arousal and thrust fast and hard into him. It was all a matter of time before one of them would give in.

That's when Byakuya cheated.

He gave out a sensual mewl and arched his back lovely, squeezing Renji's buried arousal just right and the redhead felt how he exploded inside that tight passage. Just a moment too soon as the dark haired noble came just a few strokes of the redheads hand later.

They both spent a moment to catch their breath; Renji leaning heavily on Byakuya who held on to the redhead and in turn leaned against the door. Byakuya recovered slightly faster and tapped his lieutenant on the shoulder as a signal to let him down and Renji steadied him as he let him down on his own two feet again. Both of their immediate lusts quenched they stood for a time, waiting for the world to come knocking with reality in tow. As they slowly settled within their separate rolls again they pulled away from each other and righted their clothes the best they could.  
It wasn't awkward, the silence that filled the space between them. It was like they had just come back from a mission and was on their way back into routine. Like whatever happened during the dreadful mission and the time after never actually happened. Or like it was forgotten as a long passed yesterday.

"You can stay the night here. I do not want my subordinate to run around outside in the middle of the night." Byakuya said and his voice was almost back to what it used to be.

"Thank you, captain" Renji answered and followed the noble's example of pushing their sexual encounter out of the present. It didn't have anything with feelings to do; it had been a mutual decision for a pleasant if temporal solution. He didn't think his captain was completely back to how he used to be, but perhaps he had gotten out enough of his bottled up feelings to get a new start. He hoped their talk had done at least something good, and as he watched the noble straighten his obi and push his hair out of his face he actually thought he'd succeeded. Though if Rukia learned of how he'd done it or what it had led to… He would most likely not survive that moment. Better not tell her any details.

"Are you coming, Renji?" Byakuya asked and he turned to follow the noble. He was shown to a scarcely furnished room with a futon laid out on the floor. The room had a rich but homely feeling to it and he was grateful for it. He thanked Byakuya who told him there was a few change of clothes in the dresser and that he could pick any that fit him for the night. His own clothes would be cleaned if he put them outside his door and a bath would be available in the morning. He nodded and thanked the noble again.

"You are welcome Renji, know that you are. And, thank you" Byakuya dropped his mask for a moment and showed a shadow of the man Renji had seen earlier that night before he closed up again and bid his subordinate good night. Renji changed his clothes into a dark blue yukata he found in the dresser and put his own sweaty clothes outside the door like Byakuya had told him to. He noticed a similar, if neater pile further down the corridor and assumed Byakuya had went to sleep there. This meant they were in Byakuya's private quarters… Where was Rukia's room placed now again? Hopefully not close by…

Dropping that train of thoughts he went inside his assigned room again and flopped down on the clean bedding. He yawned tiredly and soon found himself wrapped in deep sleep.

* * *

When morning came Renji prepared himself for work like usual. Though the bath was different, the food was definitely different and he spent the meal together with his captain and Rukia, it didn't feel out of place. Byakuya answered every once in a while when Rukia spoke to him and Renji saw how his answers made her smile brightly. It didn't matter what he answered, it only mattered that he did.

When it was time for him to leave, Rukia followed him and Byakuya actually saw them off. In the light of day, Renji saw a reddish mark on his captains cheek and when he raised his arm to wave slowly at his sister, his sleeve went down to display newly healed scars. Everything had its course, and just like those wounds had healed over, so would the man's emotional wounds. He just needed time, and Renji knew he could expect his captain to be back before he knew it. Kuchiki Byakuya was never one to extend his leave longer than was necessary after all. Never.

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**Yarrow – Healing**

"_Given time even the deepest of wounds close. Though never the same as the origin, the pain is gone leaving only a scar to remind us of our moment of weakness."  
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A/N: Well oh my god… How the hell I managed to keep this story intact to the end is beyond me. First it was going pretty smoothly and in the same style as my other works, but then it turned dark by stress and then I practically went bonkers and all kind of crack spewed out!  
I found this story quite hard to write, it felt like their emotions were eluding me and I was lost somewhere along the way of portraying them. And once lost, the story took a hold of me and this was the result.  
I beg the great Byakuya-sama and Renji-sama for forgiveness! It wasn't my intention to turn this fic into crack!  
And I hope people (mostly Byakuya fans) don't get angry at me for turning Byakuya into something of a drunk raving lunatic.  
The story turned out to be very hard to get an end to and I'm sorry that it looks sloppy and rushed, but I have national exams tomorrow ( the 8th of February) and wanted to get this done before I drown in home works, birthdays and exams.  
I would really get happy if you could leave a review and tell me what you think! Although I'm not really happy about the result, I want to know what you think before I go and shoot myself for failing.  
And If you are still reading this far down (not likely) I do want to once more tell you that I would be glad to hear of any ideas for future pairings and flower themes! Stay tuned!

And now the little author is going to catch some sleep before she does something stupid…


	2. Asparagus Fern 1

2nd story of Flower Dictionary  
Title: Asparagus Fern (Part 1)  
Summary: Hichigo, a vampire with his own troubles finally gets enough of the arrogance of a certain self-proclaimed ESP user. Teaching him a lesson becomes his new top priority. The human Yuji has no intention of letting him have his way just like that though. AU  
Pairing: Hichigo x Yuji  
Warning: Alcohol, drugs, psychological, foul language, dark humour, bondage, slight non-con sex, yaoi, OC, AU, Lots of dialogue!  
Author warning: Author wrote most of this while in a bad mood.  
Genre: Romance/Drama/Humour/Slightly Dark  
Rating: M  
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or its characters and stuff.

A/N: This was written from a verey loose idea i had months ago, so it may be a little lacking in finesse. But I hope you enjoy!

A poll for what you wish for the next story is up, so check it out!

**And I want to thank the following persons:**

For faving: Brown Cornelia, IchiRuki DarkTigrex-Slayerz

For story alerts: ichibanseiken, Gypsygrrl, ValentineRevenge

For (Yarrow) Reviews: ichibanseiken, Gypsygrrl, Carol

_**Fat Cursive**_ = Hichigo's mind speaking

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The room was pretty much dark, the only light coming from a small candle flickering on the table and a dull lamp on the other side of the room by the bar. On the table was also a glass with clear white liquid and ice, most of the contents gone. The owner of the glass sat on the plush couch nearby and stared absentmindedly at the drink. He knew exactly how many drinks he'd had, meaning his mind was still too clear. He lifted the glass, seeing the ice move with a slight clinking sound. He sipped carefully at it and then downed it hastily. Shuddering slightly at the taste he looks suspiciously at the glass before putting it down with disgust. His bleached hair hung damply in his face, hiding the left part of his face where it stuck to his skin. It was raining outside, a perfect reflection of his mood.

A scraping sound made him turn bleary grey eyes towards the bar. The bartender was leaning on his arms against the bar and talking quietly to the man who had entered and seated himself on a barstool, causing the offending sound. It didn't take long for him to notice who the man was and he looked away with an irritated huff.

Spending the first part of the night listening to a depressing discussion concerning the current state of affairs can truly ruin the day. Or night. Or whatever time you happen to be up at. For Hichigo it was the later. He wasn't crazy enough to get up during the day. Well, unless he was home and had something important to do, _indoors. _Either way,he had left as quickly as he could and went downstairs to the bar. Only to have his mood turn fouler. In a dark corner on the other side of the room sat that 'I'm-better-than-tho' jackass human.

Deciding to ignore the pale haired man he went over to the bar and sat down, "accidentally" causing the chair to scrape against the floor. He started up a quiet conversation with Starkk, the bartender for the night and co-owner of the bar, and ignored the feeling of eyes boring into his back. The feeling quickly disappeared and his sensitive hearing caught an irritated huff from the far-off human.

"Here" The rumbling voice of the vampire before him drew his attention and he picked up the amber drink he'd been served. He took a gulp of it and enjoyed the burning sensation for a while before he took a second one. This one slid down easier and he let a small smile grace his pale features as he slowly swirled the drink.

"As good as always" He compliments the bartender who gives him a small shrug before starting to wipe at some glasses that were already clean.

Hichigo enjoyed his drink in the silence that followed and was just about to order something stronger when the offending human caught the bartender's attention first. Somehow the human had snuck up to the bar without him realizing it. He glared at the pale-haired man and then raised a brow when he saw his drenched features. His normally neat dark clothes clung to his frame and his hair was dripping tiny drops of water unto anything beneath it occasionally.

"Woah, look what the cat dragged in." He said and sneered at the human.

"I'm looking." The human replied and stared right at him, causing him to scowl.

The human received his drink and was about to return to his table when Starkk grabbed his attention by speaking up.

"I do hope you don't intend to drink more of that. It would be bad for business if you got too drunk to do your work tomorrow evening." Starkk said quietly to the human who shrugged in response.

"Not exactly out to get smashed. I'm more like… trying to distance myself from a couple of things. The alcohol doesn't really help yet though. Don't worry; I'll be fit to work even if I do get drunk." He said dismissively. The alcohol must be loosening his tongue, since that was the most open Hichigo had ever heard him. Not that he kept count.

"As long as you know what you're doing…" Starkk said, trailing off.

"I do, thank you."

Aaand the bite was back in his voice again. Surprise, surprise. Hichigo rolled his eyes before asking Starkk for a refill.  
Silence once more reigned in the room as the two pale men ignored each other and the third man watched them both idly.

When the silence was breached it was almost like something holy had been broken. The three men all turned to whoever opened the door. Ichimaru stood in the doorway and cocked his head to the side when he felt the tension in the air.

"My, hope I didn't disturb ya or sumthin'" He said in his usual sly tone before turning to the human.

"Can I speak to ya for a moment, Yu~ji?" He asked while dragging out the human males name teasingly.

Yuji sighed before he rose and walked over to the man.

"I'll be back in a moment Starkk. Keep tabs on my drink for me, will you?" The dark-haired bartender nodded and Yuji disappeared from the room together with the vampire.

Hichigo had returned his attention towards his own thoughts and drink once he understood he wasn't needed. He was at the very moment trying to decide whether to take another drink or simply head home. Waiting here would result in a new clash with the human most likely. He narrowed his eyes then as a thought struck him. 'I'm not leaving because of him. I'm not going to have a human drive me away!'

"Give me another drink will ya?" He asked the brunette who turned and gave him a slightly incredulous look.

"What is _that_ look for?" Hichigo grumbled and Starkk shrugged again though his expression remained surprised.

"I just thought you had drunk enough for the evening. Didn't think you'd want to stay until Yuji came back. "

"It's not like I'm waiting!" Hichigo protested before scowling darkly. He wasn't waiting. He just wanted a new drink damn it.

_**Yeah right, keep fooling yourself.**_ You stay out of this!

"Not my business whether you do or not. But I'll give you an advice; stop picking a fight with that human." He met Hichigo's glare evenly and the albino was the first to look away.

"Not like I'm picking a fight. He's asking for it!" He muttered darkly and Starkk gave him one of those patient looks he had.

"Whether he's asking for it or not, you should act like an adult and not start a fuss over every little thing he does. Yes, I have noticed how you bristle every time he does anything remotely selfish or arrogant." He leaned against the counter again and Hichigo glowered silently.

"I don't like him."

_**You do like his body though.**_ Do not.

"That much is obvious. But he is an important co-worker." Starkk reminded the other vampire who shook his head to himself, trying to shove that other voice in his head away.

"A _**self**_-important, pompous bastard's what he is!" Hichigo corrected the man who let a small frown crease his brow.

"Well thank you" A dry voice said from behind and Starkk shifted his gaze over Hichigo's shoulder while said vampire turned around to look directly at the owner of the voice. Yuji had been casually leaning against the doorframe when he spoke up but now he slowly straightened and walked over to the bar. Starkk silently gave him his drink and the human finished it quickly before putting the glass down and putting the payment on the counter. Then he picked up his jacket and put it on, flipping his hair up from under it and then buttoned the buttons on the dark cloth.

Hichigo watched the human suspiciously, waiting for a snide comment. When none came and the man was nearly out of the room he was confused. Normally he would make a snappy comment or turn the comment back at the person who said it. There was no way he'd just walk out of there without saying anything.

The door was opened and it closed with a small slam of finality behind his retreating form.

"Well fuck you to…" He muttered in a surly tone. He'd been totally ignored!

"You had better not upset him too much, Hichigo." Starkk grumbled darkly and shot him a reprimanding look.

"…" The pale vampire was about to object but was silenced by a soft glare from the bigger man. That was the look that said 'Don't argue', and he wasn't about to go against him. Having had enough shit for the evening he decided to head back home. He left what was left of his drink, deciding against drinking it and headed out the door.

Cold rain poured from the skies and Hichigo glowered at the offending clouds who uncaringly continued on with their work. Pulling up his hood he hurried along towards his apartment. The streets were empty and he increased his pace slightly. The faster he got out of this weather, the better. He saw a motion at the edge of his vision and turned just in time to see a tuft of familiar bleached hair disappear down an alleyway. It wasn't his business what that guy did, but walking into alleyways in the middle of the night wasn't the smartest of things to do. Hichigo turned and continued onward but his mind kept nagging him about it.

_**Starkk will get mad if som**__**ething happens to the human**_**.** I don't care, not my problem.  
_**Reeeeeally mad**_**.** I don't care!  
_**And what if he is about to give away information to some stranger?**_Don't ca… Wai-What?  
_**He could be a spy.**__**Maybe he's already talking to someone this very moment. **_I'm not that paranoid.

His mind didn't say anything back at that but he realized that it wasn't necessary.

"Fuck" He swore and then turned around and headed down the alley he had seen the guy disappear down. He followed his instincts and it soon paid off. The human was walking briskly down the empty street. He didn't hesitate and followed from the shadows.

Yuji continued down the street and then turned when he reached another alleyway. He followed it and then turned left and went down yet another street. Hichigo followed on a safe distance and made sure to always have the man in sight. After trailing him for 15 minutes though, he was starting to get pissed. The human was walking like he had a goal in mind but his choice of paths were random and no sane person would walk around in the rain on a cold October night for over 20minutes straight.

Not that the human seemed to be completely sane. With all his talk about visions and 'to believe is to know' crap, there's no way he was completely in this world! And what does that make someone following him for 15 minutes in the cold rain?

_**An idiot?**_ Oh, shut up already.

Suddenly the human stopped. Hichigo stopped as well and hid in the shadows on a fire escape staircase nearby. He had a clear view of the alleyway where they were. He watched as Yuji turned and glared at something out of sight. A man came into view and Hichigo watched the man suspiciously. It couldn't possibly be like that, right?

"Nnoitra. I should have guessed." Yuji said in an annoyed voice and Hichigo shifted slightly to get more comfortable on his vantage point.

"Guessed what, babe?" The dark-haired man said and moved closer in a carefree manner.

"I'm not going to beat around the bush. Stop calling me cutesy names and leave. Now." He added when the man called Nnoitra didn't make any attempt to stop his slow advance.

Yuji backed in response to the slow advance until his back hit the wall and he found himself cornered. A slight scowl graced his features before they grew carefully wary. Nnoitra moved closer until he stood right in front of him and then put a hand against the wall and leaned forward. He was way taller than Yuji and used the advantage of his height to loom over the smaller male, who didn't seem that intimidated by the act.

"Don't act like that now. You know how much I hate it." Nnoitra said and Hichigo heard something akin to menace in the man's voice. So how did these people know each other again?

_**You didn't know that to begin with.**_ Can't you just shut up? I'm trying to think here!  
_**That's**__** new.**_ Fuck you.  
_**No thanks, but you really should fuck that human before someone else stakes their claim**_. What?  
_**Don't try and say you haven't thought about that pretty ass of his.**_ I have not! If anything, I wanna kick his ass!  
_**Or grab it and give it a good **__**squeeze?**_ No!  
_**Why not? I'm sure it's tight and hot.**_ I'd rather sleep with a viper!  
_**I'm not certain Gin would be up for it, but even if he was you'd be the one being pounded into the sheets.**_ What the fuck is wrong with you?  
_**A lot?**_

"Don't fuck with me!" The sharp note of Yuji's voice cut through Hichigo's mental debate and he turned his focus back to the scene before him. Nnoitra had Yuji's hands trapped above his head and the scowl on the smaller human's face couldn't be called anything less than menacing.

"Now, now, I knew you'd say something like that. But don't you think you should consider it before you decline?" If Hichigo hadn't been busy arguing with himself he would have been able to follow the conversation. He'd obviously missed an important part.

_**And that's why you never get the outlook missions. **_He sternly ignored the thought and focused on the scene instead, trying to discern what he'd missed.

"What's there to think about? The great working hours and extraordinary pay? Or maybe the fantastic benefits that goes along with it?" Yuji's voice was dripping with heavy sarcasm and Hichigo nearly rolled his eyes. Did this guy ever sound sincere? Like, normal sincere, without the 'I-hate-your-guts' or 'I-am-superior' tone to it.

_**Maybe in bed he'll**_… Stop. Just stop.

"That's something to consider, but I'd rather you consider your health." Okay, that totally snapped him back to attention. Hichigo focused on the man but with his back to him he couldn't see his face. All he had to go by was the unremarkable dark clothes, dark hair and extraordinary height. Great.

"I'm already taking that into consideration and my answer is the same. No. Freaking. Way. I'm not going back there." Hmm, so whatever it was he'd missed, it was some kind of work. So he's been involved in some shady work before joining them? Definitely worth investigating.

"Don't be so difficult. I'd hate to hurt you…" Nnoitra began in a terrible attempt at soothing the bristling young man.

"You don't and we both know it." Yuji cut the other human off darkly.

"Okay, listen here. Either you come with me freely or I'll bring you back after we're done here." All pretenses were gone now and Hichigo suddenly got the feeling he's underestimated the guy.

"I do think we're done and I'm not coming with you." Yuji spat at the ground, barely missing the larger mans feet.

"We're not near done. I have barely started." With that the man clamped his hand hard around the male's wrists causing Yuji's hands to scrape against the rough brick wall behind him and the smell of blood soon drifted up to where Hichigo was watching the scene unfold.

Nnoitra took something from his pocket and then clamped his hand against Yuji's mouth. A muffled retort was heard but Hichigo couldn't make out what it was. When the man removed his hand he saw that a cloth of some kind had been forced into his mouth as a gag. He watched in dumbstruck fascination as Yuji tried to spit the gag out only to have it fastened with a premade tie. He was struggling wildly as a hand came down to rip his coat open, directly followed by a knee pressed between his legs.

_**GO SAVE HIM YOU FUCKTARD!**_

Snapped out of his dumbstruck daze he instantly rose from his hiding place and jumped down. As quickly as his feet made contact with the ground below he rushed forward with the inhuman speed of a vampire. One of his hands landed on Yuji's chest to hold him back as the other made contact with Nnoitra.  
The dark haired male didn't have time to react before he was sent flying by the force of a fist slammed into his stomach. He fell over on the ground gasping for breath. Looking up he saw the figure of a pale demon, or that was what he thought judging by the black and gold eyes and white complexion. A moment later a foot connected with his skull and everything went dark.

Freed from his assaulter, Yuji slid down the wall until he sat down and quickly removed the tie and the gag. Grimacing fiercely at the sticky feeling in his mouth he rubbed at his sore wrists and looked up at his savior.

"What are you doing here?" Best thing to ask the one who just save d your ass. Literally speaking. The pale vampire seemed to think the same.

"Saving' yer ass!" He snapped and Yuji narrowed his eyes.

"I didn't ask for your help." He said coldly and Hichigo glared.

"And ya didn't need it? Save that pretty speech for someone who believes it." Biting back a snappy response Yuji instead settled for pushing himself of the ground.

Hichigo was annoyed at the human. Yuji should be thanking him, not freaking snapping at him! Damn humans and their damn stubbornness.  
He glared at Yuji as said human stood up and for the first time got a clear look at him. Looks like the creep got a bit further than he thought. Yuji's shirt had been torn open at the top and it now gave a nice display of a pale collarbone and partially exposed his left shoulder. His pants also showed the sign of wandering hands as the button was open and the zipper on the way down, giving a dangerous glimpse of pale flesh right above the brim of the pants. His clothes clung to his body due to being exposed to the rain and his skin shone slightly with the light of a far off lamp reflecting on the wet droplets that covered it.

_**Woah, sexy.**_ Haven't we had this discussion?

As if reading his thoughts, the human started straightening his clothes while casting warning glares his way. Well, he did have reason to be wary. He had just been jumped…

_**And you wouldn't mind doing the same, right?**_ I wouldn't mind dropping the subject.  
_**You're no fun.**_ Boohoo.

"What are you going to do about that?" The question made him raise a brow in question.

"What?" He asked and Yuji simply looked pointedly at the still unconscious man on the ground.

"That" He said and Hichigo walked over to the man on the ground. A big bruise was starting to form on the man's skull right above his left eye, which was most likely going to be unusable for the next week or so at least due to swelling around the bruising.

He kneeled down and poked the man but didn't get a response. Definitely out cold. He knew the man wasn't dead as he could feel the man's heart beat furiously, so he hadn't killed him. Certain of that he started to shamelessly look through the man's pockets. He ignored the slightly affronted sound coming from Yuji and focused instead on the task at hand.  
He was rewarded with a knife, cigarettes, a cell phone, a bottle with some strange liquid and some lint. Okay, this guy was definitely the dangerous kind. He flipped the phone open but frowned when he noticed it was turned off and a screen demanding a password turned up when he turned it on. He'd show it to Harribel or something when he got back. She knew best what to do with it. He put it in his pocket and then turned the bottle over in his hand. There were no wrappings around it that could betray what it contained. He'd have to give that to Urahara.

"Are you done robbing him?" Yuji asked coldly and Hichigo sighed inwardly.

"It's called inspecting."He pointed out and got a huff in return.

"Oh, really now?"

"Yes." He snapped irritably.

Leaving all but the bottle and the cell phone he rose and pulled his hood down. Sometime between starting to follow the human and the present it had stopped raining. He was still soaked through. He turned around and was about to interrogate his companion when he halted. Yuji was leaning against the wall and his breath was coming in short hard puffs.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked and Yuji looked darkly at him.

"I'm fine." His voice was venomous and Hichigo felt that anger at the man's stubbornly repelling attitude return.

"Well sorry for asking." He said angrily. The human didn't even have the decency to look ashamed by his attitude.

_**He should be thanking you**_. Don't you think I know that?  
_**Then what are you waiting for? Make him.**_ What?  
_**Stop being slow and make him thank you. Or make hi**__**m yours. Both ways work**_. You still won't let go of that?  
_**You do know I am you, right?**_

Damn logic. Always coming back to bite you in the ass.

"I haven't heard ya say thanks yet." He found himself saying. Yuji glared at him and then nodded stiffly.

"Thanks" The human said and then moved away from the wall with a slight wobble.

"You'll have to do better than that" He insisted but the human turned his back on him.

"I refuse" He said to him and started to walk away.

But after a couple of steps he had to grab the wall for support and it was then that Hichigo started to suspect something. Gag plus unidentified liquid plus suspicious guy equals what? He went over to the man and grabbed him by the arm. He only got a weak protest at it and when he leaned forward he smelled something odd. Yuji's eyes started to sag close even as he lifted his head and Hichigo nearly stumbled when the human suddenly went limp in his arms.  
Okay, spot on: he was drugged. Drugs and alcohol on the same night, damn he'd be smashed tomorrow.

_**Now is your chance. Bring him with you. You can't exactly leave him here either way**_. Have I told you how much I hate it when what you say makes sense?  
_**Yes.**_ Good.

Supporting the human's unconscious body in his arms he couldn't help but feel the heat of his body and the wondrous scent that emanated from it. Damn, he truly wanted him. It didn't help that the scent of blood coming from the humans scraped hands made his senses tingle. Okay, so what do you do? Drugged co-worker, helpless and sexy at the complete mercy of a horny vampire. Whoever wrote that script should get some serious help. He stood indecisive for a moment, but when the first drop of rain signaled the return of it, he decided.

"I'm powerless before my instincts." He muttered before he hoisted the human into his arms and took off.

It didn't take long before he stood outside his apartment door on the 4th floor. Yuji had yet to show any signs of waking up and with a little jumbling, Hichigo managed to open the door without dropping him. He kicked the door closed once inside and then leaned against the wall to keep his balance as he took of his shoes. Once those were off he moved through the small hallway to the living room where he put down the human. He went to take of the rest of his outer clothes, leaving the human where he'd put him as he did so. But Yuji hadn't moved when the least when Hichigo came back after taking a quick shower. He'd actually hoped the human would wake up and leave, but with the condition he was in, he most likely wouldn't be moving anytime soon.

Letting out a small huff he moved to remove the humans dripping outer clothes. This left him in a very awkward situation. Yuji's other clothes had gotten wet as well and he would take a chill if he stayed in them. On the other hand, Yuji would chew his head off if he woke up while he undressed him.

_**And if you see more skin you'll be tempted, right?**_ You know I will be.  
_**Yes I do, so I'm going to cheer you on.**_ Woohoo, being cheered on by myself truly feels amazing.  
_**It does, does**__**n't it**_. I was being sarcastic.  
_**No shit.**_

Rolling his eyes he takes a deep breath and lets it out through his nose. He might as well get on with it. He started with the slightly ripped shirt since it was easiest and the least distracting. Not that the pale, wet and nicely muscled chest wasn't tempting, far from it. Just looking at his body splayed out half naked on the couch with an innocent air around him, hair framing his sleeping face made a certain place grow very excited. Deciding not to linger on those thoughts he continued with his work. He started with the socks and then after taking a calming breath, started on the pants. He drew them off, ignoring the narrow hips and even more skin displayed. In order to busy himself he took the clothes and put them on the radiator to dry. Then he turned back again.

Yuji lay perfectly still apart from the rise and fall of his chest. His position truly was inviting and Hichigo found himself frozen in place.

"Holy shit…" He mumbled under his breath.

_**You know, he's not**__** going to leave your apartment un-fucked.**_ I do wish I could argue with that.  
_**Your dick doesn't argue**_. As if it could.  
_**It could go limp? **_Very funny.  
_**But seriously, you know you're going to end up fucking him, so why not prepare for it?**_ Because I value my life.  
_**What is life without some good old sex?**_ I can go and fuck someone else later.  
_**Dick doesn't want to wait**_. Neither do I.

He finally gave up. He wanted the human so bad and his mind was right about it; his dick wasn't going to wait. He went over and picked up the human before he lost his resolve and carried him to his bedroom. He put him down on the bed and then stared thoughtfully at him. It would be hard to keep him from leaving right after he woke up. Of course he could hold him down, but that was extremely unrefined and not very appealing. And he'd most likely get his teeth bashed out if he tried. He pondered his problem for some time before his mind decided to give him the answer.

_**Remember that hook bolted into the ceiling above your bed?**_ I do now.  
_**Then go get some chains and cuffs and chain him to the ceiling.**_ What?  
_**Come one! It solves all your problems!**_ Chains and handcuffs… Kinky.  
_**It'll be fun!**_

He glanced up at the hook and noticed that it was conveniently placed in a good place. If he remembered correctly it had been placed there when he got his apartment fixed by Yoruichi and her crew last year. He had thought it was just to annoy him and he'd learned to ignore it. But then he'd gotten a pair of chains, handcuffs and other bondage toys from Urahara and that's when he'd started to wonder.

He looked down at the human once more to ensure he hadn't woken up and then went to get what he would need. It didn't take long before he had the cuffs and chain in place. He'd chosen one of the longer chains to ensure it wouldn't be too uncomfortable, and the cuffs were made of sturdy leather. Smirking deviously he lifted the human and held him in a seated position before he cuffed first one, then the other of his hands. When he moved back he smiled in satisfaction as the human sat in a slightly hunched position in the middle of the bed, head hanging and arms with the elbows just above his head in height. Only one thing was amiss.

He moved closer again and took of the last piece of clothing hiding the human from his gaze. The boxers came off and landed in a small basket for washing, leaving the pale human bare as the day he was born.

_**Perfect. **_

The only thing left was to await the humans awakening.

* * *

A/N: And cliff hanger! Sorry about that folks, but the story turned out to be longer than what I had expected at first, so I decided to split it up. It will be a 2-shot instead of a oneshot.  
Review and I'll put up the next part ;)

Remember that a poll is up for what the next story should be!


	3. Asparagus Fern 2

2nd story of Flower Dictionary  
Title: Asparagus Fern (Part 2)  
Summary: Hichigo, a vampire with his own troubles finally gets enough of the arrogance of a certain self-proclaimed ESP user. Teaching him a lesson becomes his new top priority. The human Yuji has no intention of letting him have his way just like that though. AU  
Pairing: Hichigo x Yuji  
Warning: Alcohol, drugs, psychological, foul language, dark humour, bondage, slight non-con sex, yaoi, OC, AU, Lots of dialogue!  
Author warning: Author wrote most of this while horribly sick and angry.  
Genre: Romance/Drama/Humour/Slightly Dark  
Rating: M  
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or its characters and stuff.

**I want to thank the following persons: **

KaoriVenna for putting this on story alert.  
Saya and Hagi together 4 ever for putting this as a favourite.

A/N: Though I planned to keep this chapter to myself until I got at least some kind of response on the first part, here comes the 2nd part of Asparagus Fern! This one contains the promised smex and then it ties up a couple of loose threads before it ends.

Hope you enjoy! And leave a review. And check out the poll! I want to know what chapter to work on or I'm just going to continue to spew ideas and never get anywhere!

* * *

Yuji slowly opened his eyes and for a moment the world swam before it came into focus. That he was staring down at an unfamiliar bed was the first thing he noticed. The second was that he wasn't lying down. He tried to move his arms but found that they were trapped above his head. He looked up and saw how his hands were cuffed and chained to the ceiling, high enough that his arms weren't strained but still kept up, well over his head. He frowned and then turned his head as far as he could to look over his shoulder. He met black and gold eyes.

"Hichigo" He said and the vampire grinned.

"Good morning" Hichigo said and saw how the human scowled at him.

"Why am I hanging from the ceiling?" Yuji asked and Hichigo grinned again.

"Why indeed. Before you passed out I told you that you should thank me right?" The human scrunched his brow. "You refused." Hichigo added and a look of recognition flickered across Yuji's expression.

"And so you decide to bring me… wherever this is, and chain me to the ceiling…" He looked down for a moment and added with a raised brow: "Naked?" Hichigo chuckled before answering.

"That's basically right. You're really quick, aren't ya?" This earned him another scowl.

"Let me down." When Hichigo made no movement to do so he added "Now" in a dark voice.

"Nah, that wouldn't be any fun now, would it?" The albino objected and moved over so he stood at the edge of the bed where Yuji sat on his knees.

"What do you want?" The pale haired human asked with a frown.

"What would ya say if I said you?" Hichigo grinned wickedly and eyed the man up and down, taking in the taut muscles straining under the soft looking skin.

"No" Yuji answered instantly and shifted uncomfortably as the albino's eyes raked over his exposed features.

"No? I don't really think you are in much of a… _position,_ to argue." Hichigo said before winking.

"And you are not in much of a position to try and force me. You do know that it would be considered as rape and that I could have you arrested?" The human countered coldly.

"And of course you would tell them you where attacked by a vicious vampire?" Hichigo rolled his eyes and dismissed the threat.

"No, I would tell them a co-worker of mine assaulted me. And even if you somehow managed to get away I could still ruin the reputation of the bar. Starkk would be furious with you, by the way." Yuji said and looked at him with a calculating look in his eyes.

"My, my, dragging in Starkk into this are we? This is really getting dull." The vampire said and then sat down on the bed in front of the human. Said human scooted back but grimaced as his arms were stretched due to the chain and cuffs.

Hichigo cocked his head to the side and watched as the human squirmed slightly. He truly is attractive. If only he learned to keep that mouth of his shut. Or he could use it for something more productive than spewing crap and insults.

_**Finally seeing it the way I do? **_Maybe.

"Stop staring" The indignant sounding reprimand woke him from his reverie and he turned to look at the human's face. A slight flush could be seen on his face but whether it was from embarrassment or his continuing struggle against his bindings, he wasn't certain. It could be the alcohol as well.

_**Only one way to **__**know**_. His mind told him and he smiled wickedly before he crawled over to the human on his knees, straightening so he towered over him and grabbed a hold of the hair at the back of his neck. While he forced the human to look into his eyes his other hand slid down his side and came to rest at the small of the human's lean back. Then he moved his head even closer.

"Isn't this an interesting position?" He whispered in the human's ear and then licked the shell of it, eliciting a shiver from said human.

"Please let me go" Yuji asked and Hichigo blinked in surprise. He hadn't expected the human to beg, and especially not in a voice like that. But he couldn't just back down now. Starkk would most likely have his hide for this if he knew so his best chance lay in making this a consensual meeting and making Yuji keep quiet about it. All he had to do was to convince the human, and the setting was in his favor so it shouldn't be too hard. Goal in mind, he gently threaded his fingers through the human's hair and moved back so he could look into his stormy grey eyes.

"Oh, come on now. It won't be bad." He said in a sultry voice and saw how the human closed his eyes and turned his head away.

"I will not fall for your vampire charms."He said and Hichigo rolled his eyes before he moved down and pressed his lips to the neck before him, adding a little bit of teeth to it. This caused the human to jerk back and stare at him. Hichigo smiled.

"Now I've got your attention back." He purred merrily and Yuji glared warily at him.

"Obviously. It's quite hard to ignore someone invading your personal space so blatantly." Yuji told him brusquely and he smirked gleefully in response. As long as he could keep the conversation going he'd be able to twist the situation to his advantage.

"But it's nice isn't it? Being close, getting to know another on a more primal level." He said seductively and moved closer again, lightly tugging at the human's hair, making said man twist his head to stop the pain that surely blossomed in his scalp at the insistent tugging. Hichigo leaned forward and buried his face in the human's hair, his lips ghosting over the pale neck as he did so.

"Skin to skin is definitely the best." He inhaled the human's scent and let it wash over his senses. Wet skin and hair slowly drying, a slight whiff of sweat and then the underlying scent of blood that came from every creature, truly alluring for a predator like him. He breathed out and felt the shiver that racked Yuji's body as the air caressed his skin.

_**Just a little bit more.**_

"You don't have to worry about anything. Just let go." Hichigo whispered in the most alluring voice he could muster and heard a ragged breath filling the human's lungs before it came out in a shuddering sigh.

"That is very disturbing." Yuji said and Hichigo blinked in surprise. He quickly recovered and twirled some of the bleached hair through his fingers.

"What is?" He couldn't help asking.

"Your thoughts are." The human replied matter-of-factly and the vampire stiffened. That was most likely true, but what was more disturbing was someone else pointing it out when he shouldn't know anything about it.

_**He's a psychic, what's the big surprise about?**_ Aw, come on!  
_**Isn't it because he is that Starkk and the others are basically licking his boots?**_ Maybe…  
_**Maybe?**_ I hate when you are right.  
_**You know it, babe.**_

"Are you schizophrenic?" Hichigo blinked his eyes in surprise once more. Seriously, this guy needs to stop surprising me or my eyes will fall out.

"What makes you think that?" He asked curiously, keeping his thoughts as much to himself as he could.

"Your thoughts are… contradicting themselves. It usually points at some kind of personality disorder."

"And you know this from personal experience?"

"What if I said yes?" The male's voice had turned flat and Hichigo realized he'd managed to ruin the mood completely by following that line of conversation.

"It doesn't matter to me. What does matter is that you are here in my bed and looking absolutely edible." He smirked and nibbled gently on the pale throat so close to him, trying subtly to return them to the previous mood.

"Well, what matters _to me_ is that you take these handcuffs off of me and give me my clothes back." Okay, so it wouldn't work that way. Humans are too damn difficult these days. Well, even if his mind won't submit, his body most certainly will. He ghosted his hand along Yuji's spine and continued to nibble on the human's throat, seemingly ignoring the previous remark. The man squirmed slightly and when he did so, he accidentally rubbed up against his captor. A flush broke out on his face and a low groan escaped his lips close to Hichigo's ear.

_**Mm, music to my ears.**_

"Let me go." Yuji asked in a firm voice. Damn, this guy had a will of iron.

He continued to stroke the humans back and then moved lower to his hip where he found a sensitive spot. A shudder went through the human's body and to get away from that touch he had to lean into the vampires embrace. Hichigo, pleased with the development, continued to caress the humans hips, searching for other sensitive spots and occasionally brushing over the ones he'd found.

"Let. Me. Go." The human repeated while groaning breathily and Hichigo sighed and moved back before he made a proposal.

"No can do, but how about this: I would truly hate to leave you hanging, heh, so how about I take care of that little problem of yours, hm?" The vampire said and looked pointedly at the slightly erect cock between the humans legs. The human growled and moved his legs to hide it, without much success.

Deciding that he wouldn't get anywhere if he just continued to tease him, Hichigo sat on his butt and pressed his feet in-between the human's legs. Yuji let out an indignant sound and though he struggled he still ended up with one leg on each side of the vampire's legs. With the position he was in now he was very exposed to the eyes of the other man and he desperately tried to find a way to hide himself. In the end he sat down on the clothed legs and though it strained his arms and back, it allowed him to bring his knees closer to his chest.

Hichigo chuckled at the humans vain attempts at hiding himself from him and then reached behind himself and took a pillow that he propped himself up against.

"Yuji." He said and the human gave him a heated glare.

"What?" He asked and Hichigo reached out and forced his legs away so he could see the human better.

"No need to hide yourself. Let me see you." He said and let his golden eyes rove over the flushed skin. His erection had grown, he noticed. Spread out in that way above him and looking at him with that kind of expression, there was no way he was going to stop this. He'd had his doubts before, but he was certain of it now, and he was certain he could convince the human to sleep with him. He had the upper hand in this situation after all.

"Why?" The question only slightly surprised Hichigo; he'd been waiting for it since the beginning.

"Because you are attractive. I couldn't help but be fascinated by you the moment I saw you. But you turned out to have quite the rotten attitude." He smirked and actually saw how Yuji's lip's twitched in response.

"I don't like being close to others." Yuji said and Hichigo managed a shrug in the position he was in.

"I think I noticed." That twitch was seen again but it was followed by silence. Hichigo was the one to break it.

"Look, we both know we can't go back like this. I won't back down. But neither am I going to force myself onto you like some freaking rapist. It's a onetime thing that doesn't have to happen again, we can even blame it on the alcohol and drugs or that creep from before, sexy commercials or the world economy or… the Pope." This finally brought a smile to the humans face.

"My point is, your body wants it, so does mine, so stop thinking and follow my lead. What do you say?" He truly hoped his ramble had worked. At least the human didn't seem all that hostile anymore. For a moment he actually looked interested in the proposition. But then the human looked down into his eyes with an unreadable look on his face.

"I refuse." Hichigo blinked in surprise and was about to speak when Yuji beat him to it.

"I'm not one to follow others; I prefer to trust my own instincts." His gaze turned heated in a way that tightened the space in the vampire's pants considerably.

"So if we're doing this, then we're doing it my way." Yuji finally scooted closer and then suddenly seated himself and ground down. Hichigo groaned loudly as that firm ass ground straight down on his confined arousal. His hands found the human's hips out of reflex and he held them still as he tried to gather his wits.

Looking up at the humans face he was surprised by the look in his eyes. They were half lidded and there was a hunger in them that only could be satiated by one thing. Not wasting time now that he'd finally convinced the man, he pushed the human away slightly so he could take off his pants. Yuji had enough patience to wait until they were completely off before he once more straddled the vampire. Yuji yelped in surprise as Hichigo effortlessly lifted him into the position he wanted, which involved Yuji taking a lot of his body weight with his arms. Hichigo moved so that he could get easy access to the human's body, one arm encircling the human's leg with a grip on his upper thigh and the other sliding from the inside to caress the man's balls.

The human groaned and then gasped as Hichigo wasted no time and swallowed as much of his cock as he could. The hand fondling his balls moved to hoist the leg over his shoulder whilst the other hand moved to grab firm buttocks.

"Fuck" Yuji groaned as the vampire took control of his body. With his arms bound he couldn't do much except comply, at least in the position he was in now. He found that his thoughts were in a haze and though he could still feel the vampire's feelings radiating out of him like a bonfire, he couldn't seem to focus on them enough to read them. He could of course guess them. Lust and control was most often involved in sexual activities.

Hichigo felt how Yuji's mind drifted, it was a feeling hard to describe but he was certain of it. To bring the human back to the act he let the cock out of his mouth which earned him a soft complaint. His mouth was full of saliva and he slickened his fingers with it before he started to prepare his entrance. As his finger slid inside, Yuji let out a gasp and leaned closer to him in an attempt to get away from the intrusion. Hichigo didn't care much for stretching with that first penetration, instead opting to search for the humans prostate.  
And he found it.  
Yuji shuddered as he rubbed against that slightly rough patch inside of him and through reflex tried to wrap his arms around the vampire. The chains binding him rattled and after he regained his balance he let out a frustrated groan. As Hichigo continued to rub against his prostate he eventually started to let silent curses escape his parted lips mixed with groans and moans.

"Damn! Get on with it!" He finally growled and Hichigo slipped another finger inside.

"No need to rush. It'll hurt if we're hasty." Hichigo pointed out and let his tongue stroke lazily against the skin of the human's inner thigh.

"Then give me pain." The voice didn't betray anything but lust, but the way his pulse sped up proved to Hichigo that though he sounded brave he was actually apprehensive to the idea of pain.

"Nope, I'm not so generous." He said and then started to nibble on the sensitive skin by his mouth. He desperately wanted to just fuck him and then to drink some of his blood, but he had to be patient. If he hurt him, Yuji would definitely not be forgiving when his head cleared. Bad enough that he took advantage of him when he was half drunk and partially gone to la-la-land on drugs.

But his instincts couldn't really be fully restrained. He didn't spend as much time preparing with two fingers as he normally would. It didn't seem to matter though as the human eagerly swallowed the third finger. He only spread his fingers a few times before he removed them and removed the human's leg from his shoulder so he could straddle him again. He leaned back against the pillow and moved his legs slightly before he put one hand on the human's hip to guide him down.

Yuji complied and when he felt the engorged member prod his entrance he got a moment of clarity. He saw Hichigo looking up at him with a look of deep lust and determination and behind that he could feel the devouring instincts of his vampiric side. Then he felt how he pressed inside him and everything went blank. He felt a gasp leave him and after a moment felt how the world came crashing back.  
Soothing circles were applied to his sides and after he blinked a couple of times he found himself staring down into Hichigo's eyes. Concern was at the edges of them and his mouth was set in a tight line. He wanted to kiss him but he quickly realized that wouldn't be possible in this position. Damn those chains. He shifted where he sat and gasped as his prostate was instantly rubbed against. Damn.

Hichigo watched as Yuji's eyes flew open when he was entered. He nearly thought he'd fainted when he saw how he slumped down but then saw how he threw his head to the side and groaned. When those steel grey eyes opened and looked straight at him he started to rub small circles on his hips to sooth him. A strange look flittered across Yuji's face but then disappeared again as he shifted on top of him. Hichigo gasped along with Yuji and they both struggled to capture their wits.

He kept still for a while but was eventually overpowered by his growing need. He rolled his hips first so that Yuji would get a warning and then helped the human to lift slightly before he brought him back down again. It didn't take long before Yuji started to take control of the motion. His arms were aching already, but he gripped the chains just above the cuffs with both hands and used the strength in his upper body to lift himself before he fell back down again. Their rhythm was slow but hard and satisfying. Every thrust went deep and sweat formed in beads on their bodies.

Hichigo was mesmerized by the look of the creature above him; pale hair plastered to sweat slickened skin, eyes half lidded and fogged over and harsh pants coupled with groans escaping narrow lips. Muscles rippled under his skin as he strained his arms to heave himself up and his legs clenched and unclenched around him with every move. Every time he thrust inside that warm heat he felt it give way for him before it constricted around him as it moved away again. All reasonable thoughts were blown away by the frenzied heat of their lovemaking, leaving only scattered pieces in its wake.

But as they both neared their limits Yuji found that his breath came harder and harder. His arms were shaking from the effort to lift himself over and over and his lungs fought against the repetitive strain. Stubbornly he continued, too far gone to gather any rational thoughts. Dark spots were dancing across his vision when Hichigo finally grabbed a hold of his member and dragged him over the edge. The air in his lungs was ripped from him in a scream and he barely registered when Hichigo came inside him. Darkness descended but he stubbornly clung to awareness, only one thought left in his semi-conscious mind.

"The chains… please…" He said weakly and soon thereafter felt how his world rocked slightly. Soon he felt a gentle tugging in his nearly numb arms before they were released.

Hichigo caught Yuji as he slumped together after his arms were released. He saw how the cuffs had bit into his skin leaving his wrists rubbed raw. As gently as he could he put the now unconscious form of the man on the bed, carefully arranging his arms and hands before he went and got a cold towel for the wrists. Yuji didn't stir even when Hichigo held the cold cloth against the wounds and he felt how guilt slowly crept up on him. He didn't regret sleeping with him. But he should at least have taken the chains away once it was obvious he wasn't going to run away.

_**There wasn't exactly any time for **__**that.**_ I know…

When the towel turned lukewarm he used it to clean them both up. The bleached haired human still didn't stir and Hichigo sighed softly before he arranged him better in the bed and crept down beside him, but giving him some space. After a while he started to drift off and subconsciously turned toward the other form in the bed. He was startled when he felt cool skin instead of warm. For a moment he was struck with horror, fear shooting through his body. He couldn't be…?

He bolted upright and put a hand to the human's throat. Almost instantly he felt the strong beat of the human's heart and he seriously thought he would faint from relief. But why was he so cold? He noticed now the faint trembling going through the human and hurried over to his closet where he pulled out an extra comforter. When he climbed down beside the human he made sure to hold him as close as possible and wrapped them both up in the comforters. Though it was warm for him, Yuji's body was a cool counter point to it. Fear had driven sleep far from his mind, but as the trembling slowly ceased as the body beside him warmed up again he felt how he slowly drifted until he fell asleep.

* * *

When Hichigo woke up later he found that Yuji was still snuggled up against his chest. Moving carefully until he could see the clock on his night table he sighed. It was still about an hour before it was safe to go out. Of course he could go around in the apartment, all windows had the curtains drawn and no light would be able to enter. But Yuji was asleep and they both had work tonight. Fuck.

"Yuji" He spoke softly and then shook the sleeping man. The bleach-haired human didn't respond and after a minute or so he had to give up. It was most likely the after effects of the drug. Remembering how cold the human had gotten the night before he reached out and touched the skin on his throat. He was warm and his heart beat strongly.

Letting out a sigh of relief he sagged where he sat and rubbed at his eyes. He'd gotten himself into a real mess. He should have brought Yuji back to the bar and asked Starkk to call Unohana. Or Urahara. Or both of them and Harribel and…

_**No idea thinking about that now is there?**_ Shut up, it's your fault I am in this mess to begin with.  
_**Do you seriously think of me as a separate individual?**_ …  
_**Come on, I am as much **__**you as you are!**_ It's still your fault.

Ignoring the angry retorts following that statement he rose and went over to his bathroom where he took a quick shower. When he returned he found that Yuji had moved into the space where he had lain before. Hoping to be able to wake him he shook his shoulder. This only resulted in the male rolling over on his back, his neck in a very inviting arch.

"Oh fuck…" Hichigo muttered before leaving the room. He didn't get to drink blood yesterday; he'd thought to drop by one of his regular givers after returning to his apartment yesterday but had been quite sidetracked. The _easiest_ would to simply drink some from Yuji, but the human had from the beginning been against offering his blood. So the _best_ would be to wait until he could get in contact with one of his givers. This meant he'd have to wait until Yuji was awake.

And waiting can be extremely nerve wrecking. At several points he found himself walking in to check up on the sleeping human, checking his temperature, breathing and pulse before he went to pace around the apartment again.

It was only around midnight that Yuji finally woke up. He woke to the sound of a phones blaring signal. Hichigo hurried over and snapped the phone open and without checking who it was he pressed the button to hang up, as he'd done the previous times it rang, and flipped the phone shut again. Then he turned to the bed and met stormy grey eyes. He hurried over and sat down on the bed beside the human, carefully watching him.

"Hey, you awake?" He asked slowly. He received a nod in response, followed by a yawn.

"Wha 's e thime?" Yuji slurred sleepily and Hichigo had to try very hard not to laugh.

"It's around midnight." He finally answered once he was certain he had his voice under control. A wide grin still threatened to betray his amusement though.

"Midnight? ... Gwot work" He mumbled before closing his eyes and seemingly drifting back to sleep.

"Hey, shouldn't you wake up then?" Hichigo said in an amused voice. A bleary eye opened and looked up at him.

"…urts…"

"What?" Hichigo leaned forward to try and catch the murmured sentence.

"It hurts" Now he caught it loud and clear and he would have winced if he hadn't been preparing for a venomous attack the past few hours he'd spent awake waiting.

"Want a pain reliever?" He asked somberly instead and Yuji nodded against his pillow. The white haired vampire headed out to the kitchen where he took out a pill from a cabinet and then took a glass which he filled with water. When he returned to the room he found that Yuji had managed to move into a sitting position. He leaned heavily against the headboard and his hair was a rumpled mess framing his pale face.

"Here" He said simply and handed the human the pill and the water. Yuji nearly dropped the glass the first thing he did though. By acting quickly out of reflex, Hichigo avoided a disaster and caught it before it could slide from his grip. As he did he noticed the strong tremor in the humans arm.

"Sorry" Yuji said and Hichigo shook his head. He should have thought about that.

"Here, if you take the pill I'll help you with the water." He offered humbly and Yuji lifted his shaking hand to his mouth and plopped the small pill inside before turning to him and allowing him to tip his head slightly and press the cool glass against his lips. He swallowed thickly and nearly choked, only drinking more after he coughed a couple of times.

When he had drained the glass Hichigo removed it and put it on the nearby table. He turned back and saw how the human dried his mouth of with the back of his hand. A pained grimace crossed his face as he lowered the hand to his side again and then those grey eyes turned to him.

"We should talk." He told him flatly after a couple of minutes of awkward silence and Hichigo sighed. It was inevitable.

"You can talk and I'll listen for now. I'm more interested in what you think about this situation than anything. And you have the upper hand from now on." He told the pale human who blinked slowly before leaning back.

"I guess so." He waited for the human to continue.

"I believe we agree that Starkk doesn't have anything to do with what happened here." He started and Hichigo felt a soft sigh of relief escape him before he could stop it.

"But neither does Nnoitra have anything to do with him or anyone else for that matter." Hichigo scowled darkly at that.

"You can't possibly say that I'm just going to keep silent about you meeting some shady guy with dubious purpose in mind!"

"That's exactly what I'm telling you. He is none of your business."

"Someone stalking one of our members is the fucking business of all of us! Do I have to remind you that you have quite dangerous knowledge in your hands?" Hichigo hissed and his face was set in a dark scowl. Yuji stared back with an equally dark look in his eyes.

"Weren't you supposed to listen to my side of it?" He asked and Hichigo snapped back at him.

"That was until you started sprouting nonsense!"

"It's not nonsense!"

"It is! You tell me to ignore a freaking danger not only to you but possibly to Paragon!"

"I'm not asking you to ignore it! I'm telling you to leave it to me!"

"That's basically the same shit!"

"It's not! Why do you have to be so difficult?"

"Difficult? I'm the one being difficult?"

"Yes!"

"Like hell I am!"

"You obviously are since you won't listen to me!"

"I am listening! That doesn't mean I'm going to accept what you say as anything other than bullshit!"

"Would you at least allow me to state my reasons before you decide things?" The argument had escalated in volume rapidly and they were both slightly short on breath at this point.

"Fine!" Hichigo growled and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Thank you. Now, I'll tell you exactly why I don't want anyone to get involved. Nnoitra is a former member of Las Noches; he was kicked out due to drug use as far as I know. I don't know what he does for a living right now, but he definitely doesn't have the brains to find my connection to Paragon, nor does he believe me capable of getting any position of worth anywhere. Thus I don't classify him as a threat to Starkk and the others. I knew him in High school and later got caught in the crossfire between him and some drug dealers or something. I don't plan on getting involved with him again. Truth is that I have a restraining order so he's not allowed to get anywhere near me or contacting me." This surprised Hichigo a lot. He definitely hadn't expected it, but taking Yuji's personality into account it was definitely possible.

"He still sounds like a threat to you and from what I saw yesterday you aren't exactly capable of handling him on your own." He pointed out and Yuji sighed.

"I was drunk yesterday. But no, I don't think I can handle him if he chooses to assault me like that again."

"So why are you insisting on handling it alone?"

"I wasn't going to. I thought about contacting Renji, he's working for the Kuchiki's. He owes me a favor and if I ask him he could have some strings pulled to give a warning to Nnoitra and whoever he's working for. If he works for someone, that is."

"You actually thought through all of that while under the influence of alcohol and some strange drug?" He couldn't keep a note of disbelief from entering his voice.

"Don't forget your influence on me. But, well, someone had to." The human answered before giving a lopsided smile.

"And speaking of that drug, I would very much like you to give it to me along with Nnoitra's cellphone."

"No way. I'm not going to let you take care of this alone." Yuji was about to protest, but further discussions were interrupted as the phone rang more. Hichigo picked it up and looked at the caller ID.

_Starkk Coyote. _

"It's Starkk, isn't it?" Yuji said just as he read it. The albino vampire glanced at him before nodding.

"Give it here." After a moment of hesitation Hichigo flipped it open and gave it to the human who picked it up and answered.

"Hello, Yuji here. Yes I know this is Hichigo's phone. He can't answer right now. I have it because I'm over at his place. No, we don't. There was a bit of an incident on the way home yesterday. Yes, yes, no we're fine. Don't worry about it. An hour? Make that one and a half please. Yeah, sure I'll tell him that. Bye." Yuji snapped the phone shut and handed it back to the pale haired vampire who looked at him with a raised brow. Hichigo hadn't been able to hear Starkk's voice over the phone but he could guess what had been said based on Yuji's responses.

"I was to tell you that Ulquiorra was a bit annoyed at you not only for never showing up, but ignoring his calls for the past 2 hours. Just what did you do that could be important enough for _him_ to get pissed?"

_**Oh, only boycotting a meeting at the Vaizard warehouse, forgetting to turn in a report, breaking his cell phone... **_

"Well, this and that…" Hichigo answered evasively and Yuji raised a brow at it but didn't comment.

"So… what was that bout an hour and a half?" Hichigo asked to break the relatively awkward silence that had erupted.

"He wants us at the bar in that time. I still have my work left to do, though you already seem to have boycotted yours." Yuji said and raked a shaking hand through his hair. Hichigo ignored the unnervingly correct speculation.

"Will you be fine in the state you are in?" Yuji looked up at the question and then shrugged in response.

"I've got some time yet to gather my wits, and hopefully for that pain reliever to kick in. Can't do much about my arms but I won't really need them for the work so it's okay. As long as I can get a shower I will be fine."

"First door on the left." Hichigo answered the unvoiced question. Yuji nodded before he shifted and moved the comforter away. Hichigo had the decency to rise and walk out of the room. He seated himself in the couch as he waited.

Yuji waited until the vampire had exited the room before he pushed the last of the comforter away. He moved carefully, feeling for strains as he did. His legs were a bit shaky when he finally rose but otherwise fine. It really only were his arms and shoulders that truly ached. He considered taking something to wrap around his waist but then discarded the idea. If Hichigo saw him, fine, he'd already seen it all anyway.

He moved carefully, feeling a dull ache at the base of his spine that seemed to numb his legs slightly. He ignored it as he headed towards the bathroom. It wasn't unnecessarily big and he found that it looked pretty much like his own. He didn't bother to lock the door but made sure to close it firmly. He then made his way over the pale grey floor to the shower. He slid the glass door open and entered before he turned the knob. A spray of surprisingly cold water hit him straight in the face and he gasped in shock. He shook his head repeatedly as the water slowly turned warmer.

He sighed in relief when the water finally took on a pleasant temperature and he raked his fingers through his hair several times and closed his eyes as he let the water wash away the sweat and dirt from his body. After a moment he moved back and opened his eyes after rubbing the worst of the water away from around his eyes. He quickly found some shampoo and applied it to his hair. Then he searched for the soap which wasn't any harder to find. He sniffed it curiously and found that it smelled of lemons. Huh, who would have guessed.

Squeezing some of it into his hand he started to rub himself down. He paid extra attention to his nether regions, wincing as he cleaned his entrance. He definitely didn't like that part at all. When he was certain he'd reached every nook and crane on his body he washed it all away while rubbing his hair viciously.

When he emerged from the shower he found that a towel had, sometime when he hadn't looked, been magically transported to hang on a hook nearby. He grabbed it and started to dry himself off, starting by wringing most of the water from his hair. When he was done he quickly dried the rest of himself off and then wrapped the big white towel around his waist. It reached him well below the knees this way and he was pleased by that fact.

Hichigo had retaken his space on the couch when Yuji came out from the bathroom only dressed in the towel he had managed to sneak into the room while the human showered. He stared at him for a moment before he coughed and looked away.

_**Subtle.**_ How many times have I told you to shut up?  
_**Uhm… many?**_

He resisted rolling his eyes but couldn't help but to flick them towards the human for a moment. Yuji wore a slightly confounded expression until he met his gaze and seemingly came back from whatever thoughts he'd been caught in.

"You don't suppose you have any clothes that could fit me until I can change at home?" He asked and Hichigo rose from the couch to head over to the bedroom. Yuji moved out of the way and then followed behind him. He opened his dresser and rummaged for a moment before he found one of his smaller shirts. He tossed it to the human and then went on to look for a pair of pants. He took out a pair of slacks with a drawstring and threw them as well to the human. The clothes were soon joined by a pair of socks.

"Sorry, but you'll have to make do with that." He said and if Yuji wanted to complain about the lack of underwear, he didn't show it. Hichigo once more gave the human some privacy and returned to his favorite spot of the day; the couch.

He couldn't really bring himself to think about anything, his thoughts skipping from one thing to the other in an attempt to keep him occupied. When the door opened and Yuji emerged dressed in the dark shirt and grey slacks he had managed to lull himself half asleep. He was aware that the human moved closer and felt when he seated himself beside him on the couch but wasn't aware enough to care about it.

"Hey, stop spacing out. You've only got about an hour to prepare now." He still didn't stir when he heard this but when he was nearly shoved off the couch he was quick to return to awareness. Yuji looked at him with an impatient look on his face and he scowled slightly in response.

"I don't have that much to do, so why the big hurry?"

"You don't have much to do? What about following me home so I can dress properly and return your clothes to you? And what about feeding?" Yuji asked him after rolling his eyes.

"Okay, okay, I guess you're right." He answered before fluently rising to his feet.

"Go put on your shoes and coat; they're in the hallway by the door. I'll go and gather up your clothes so you can bring them back with you." He said then before doing just so. When he'd gathered the clothes and put them in a plastic bag he went over and put on his outer clothes as well. He grabbed his keys on the way out and locked the door after them before he lead the way down to the bottom floor. On Yuji's insistent wish they took the stairs and not the elevator down and then they headed out. It was full dark outside and though the air was chilly it was clear. The clouds from the previous night had left during the day and the sky was littered with twinkling stars. Yuji nudged him in the side and he continued walking until he reached the parking lot. He opened the locks on the dark car that belonged to him and then opened the door to the driver's seat and motioning for Yuji to enter on the other side. When they were both seated he started up the car and backed out of his place before driving off down the street. There wasn't much traffic and they spent the ride in silence.

Hichigo had barely stopped the car when the human exited it. He was surprised at the human's urgency until he saw the slightly nauseous look on his face.

"Car sick?" He asked curiously.

"Yes." Was the human's short reply and then he headed inside. Hichigo wisely dropped the conversation and followed behind him, carrying the plastic bag containing the man's clothes.

When they reached Yuji's apartment he was invited inside while he waited for him to get done. He hadn't been inside the human's apartment before and was surprised at the cozy atmosphere that met him. The floor was wooden and the walls a soothing creamy color. The dark leather couch he seated himself in was well worn and he took in the living room from his vantage point on it. He could see three paintings on the walls, all made in oil on canvas and encased by dark wooden frames. Two were with forest motives and they were placed on opposite sides of the room from each other. The third one had the motive of a calm fishing harbor and was placed beside one of the other paintings on the back wall. A flat TV was placed below the lone painting on the other wall and Hichigo noted with interest the heap of games and movies stacked beside the ps3 and DVD player. On the table before him were a couple of controllers and under it was a plush carpet with an intricate pattern in red, gold and white. A lamp was placed beside the couch, right beside the big windows and glass door leading to a small balcony. Several bookcases were placed against the walls were they fit into the room without blocking anything.  
He couldn't see much of the kitchen from where he sat and the bedroom door was closed so he couldn't see anything except a wooden door.

"Done with looking around?" Yuji asked him and he turned to look at the human. He'd just emerged from the bedroom and was now dressed in a dark turtleneck and a pair of faded jeans. A pair of fingerless black gloves covered his hands and a couple of chains hanging from the jeans completed the look. He'd also taken the time to brush his hair and deepen the shadows around his eyes with a little makeup. His typical style was back again and Hichigo found that he approved. With the makeup on he looked like he wanted to look half dead rather than actually being so and the gloves and long armed shirt covered his bruised wrists.

"Should I change that to done checking me out?" Amusement shone through the indifferent look he wore and Hichigo found himself grinning.

"Pretty much." He answered and then rose smoothly from the couch.

"Then we can leave. We still have… 36 minutes left until we're supposed to meet Starkk. Think you can contact any of your givers in that time?" The question seemed innocent but Hichigo saw the tension in the human's shoulders and the fact that he wouldn't look at him as he asked it only strengthened the impression that he was uncomfortable about asking.

"Well… If I drive you to the bar first I'll only have about 20 minutes left, and then it's the way to any of them and back again after feeding… it will be a tight fit to say the least." He answered honestly, wondering where it would lead the discussion.

"Will it make any difference if you go to your giver first and then come back here?" Yuji asked and there was a sort of awkward note to his voice.

"Not really" He answered and heard how the human let out a sigh.

"No way for you to make it in time?" He didn't even sound like he wondered, rather just asking to confirm his thoughts.

"No way. The only way to keep the time would be if I drank from you." He said matter-of-factly.

"I guessed so. Okay, if you give me Nnoitra's phone and the bottle I'll let you have some of my blood. Deal?" Yuji turned to him and glowered at him as if daring him to say anything else.

_**I almost thought he'd forgotten about those.**_ As if he'd ever forget something.  
**_Point._**

"You sure about that deal?" He asked and Yuji simply turned his head to the side and hooked a finger at the top of his shirt and pulled it down. Hichigo wouldn't decline since it was offered him, especially since he really was starting to need that blood. And since he'd already basically promised not to say anything about the incident with Nnoitra, he didn't have any use for the bottle and phone.

_**More like being blackmailed into keeping it a secre**__**t.**_ That's true but it amounts to the same thing either way.

Hichigo moved over and when he reached the human he removed the hand holding down the cloth and replaced it with his own. His other hand went to tilt the humans head slightly and then he moved his head down to the inviting pale column. He licked the flesh slightly before he pressed lightly with his teeth. Yuji tensed but didn't attempt to move away, silently giving the vampire permission to continue. As he sank his fangs into that tender flesh he vaguely heard a groan escape the man's lips before his focus was stolen by the act of feeding. The rich taste of the blood as it flooded his mouth was wonderful. Having gone without for longer than usual, he was close to taking more than was recommended. He stopped himself though and retraced his fangs before licking up the blood that escaped the small puncture wounds. He moved back a bit and watched as Yuji rubbed the spot of the bite before pulling up his turtleneck to cover the marks.

"That was as unpleasant as I thought it would be." Yuji commented and Hichigo snorted.

"Now that that's done, if you're ready we can go now." He said and Yuji nodded before he held out his hand.

"The phone and bottle first, if you don't mind." He said with a lopsided smile. Hichigo reached into his pocket and picket the items up before he put them in the human's waiting hand. Yuji took them and headed back to his bedroom quickly. When he returned he put on his shoes and said a quick: "Let's go" before he opened the door and exited.

The ride to the bar was uneventful but once they reached the doors Yuji stopped and turned to Hichigo.

"I almost forgot." He said before he without any other form of warning slapped him. Hichigo, unprepared for the strike felt his head snap to the side. He was about to ask what it was for when Yuji gave him a smug smirk and tapped his wrist meaningfully before snubbing him and disappearing inside the building. Hichigo stood dumbfounded and glowering outside for a moment longer.

_**He so won that round.**_ Oh shut up.

He then followed inside, a dark scowl on his face.

**

* * *

**

Asparagus Fern – Fascination

"_A look behind that pretty façade of yours and I'm already caught. Truly, you are too fascinating to leave be."_

* * *

A/N: Finally it's done. I went through this story a couple of times correcting it but my head is full of lead and I'm so tired, so it's possible there are still mistakes out there. And as with all of my other work, no one but me has read it before it's posted, so I only have my own judgment on right and wrong to go by.

I didn't plan to let Hichigo drink from Yuji, but it ended up that way. It became more complete in that way, otherwise it felt like it would be lacking in a sense. And the ending with Yuji slapping him just seemed so much like his personality that I couldn't leave it out. He has accepted that something happened between them, but he is not up for simply forgiving him. He's going to get as much out of it as he possibly can. Or, he would if I actually continued this story. (Unlikely)

Either way, I enjoyed writing this chapter since I was on a inspiration spree. Now it's dropped again, mostly because I've missed a lot of school, soon the whole 1st week after the holidays, which is bad. And On the 17th I have my interview for my 1st school choice. I'm sooo nervous! Wish me luck!

Hope you enjoyed and a review would be appreciated. Remember the poll!


	4. Amaryllis 1

3rd story of Flower Dictionary (Part 1)  
Title: Amaryllis  
Pairing: Ikkaku x Yumichika  
Genre: Hurt & Comfort / Romance/ Friendship / Drama  
Rating: M  
Warnings: Psychological, coarse language, adult situations, mentions of torture.  
Summary: Yumichika has always said that he won't scream, no matter what. Not even under torture. Experiencing it, he stays true to his word. But now he can't speak at all. His voice sealed under a tight lid, he can't voice the feelings wanting to break free. Who can give him the strength to raise his voice?

* * *

"What? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I heard he just suddenly appeared outside the gates a couple of hours ago, bloodier than Zaraki-taichou after a good fight. No one seems to know how he got there, even Jidanbou couldn't answer and he's the one who found him!"

"Man, I thought he was gone for good."

"As if! There's no way _that_ Ayasegawa Yumichika would just disappear like that –when he goes, he'll go with a flash."

"I guess you're right."

The sun was starting to sink beyond the horizon and unbeknownst to the two shinigamis, their gossiping hadn't gone unheard. On the other side of the wall, the huge hulking man known as the 11th division's captain walked leisurely, his ever present lieutenant positioned on his shoulder.

"Hm, so he's finally back. What are you going to do, Ken-chan?" The childlike pinkette asked the man who continued walking.

"Nothing. He'll be back in the division soon enough and then you can play with him."

"Eh? We're not going to visit him? Though feather-brow has been gone for so long?"

"He's already got a visitor, so why should I bother?" His tone was grumpy but that was nothing unusual. He wasn't known for his refined manners precisely.

"Ah, of course! Baldy is going to be there, right?" She asked as if realization just hit her, though there was no doubt she already knew that their 3rd seat was most certainly braving Unohana-taichou's domains this very moment.

"Then it's ok! I can play with him when Baldy is done!" She chirped and the gruff captain made an acknowledging sound at the back of his throat and then stopped as he came to a crossing. He turned his head to look up at the little girl.

"Now, which way?" He asked and soon they were on their way again, destination unknown.

* * *

"…can you believe it?"

The chattering of the 4th division members stationed nearby was really starting to get on his nerves. He'd spent the last two hours waiting and he had still to be let in to see him, which was also getting on his already waning patience.

After 3 months, he was finally back. 3 months of waiting and eventually believing his best friend to be dead. And when he is proven wrong, he has to wait to confirm it with his own eyes. It was aggravating enough to make his fingers itch in a way that he was very familiar by now. He wanted to destroy something. Now.

"Now out with you. He won't get better faster even if you fuss with him. He needs rest more than anything." The captain's gentle but firm voice caught his attention and he turned his head towards the now open door leading to the room in which Yumichika had been put.

Unohana shooed a couple of healers out of the door and sent them on their ways before she closed the door. By now, Ikkaku had risen and headed over. He stopped by the captain of the 4th, arms crossed over his chest and scowl set in place.

"Good day to you, Madarame-san. What can I do for you?" She queried with a soft smile on her face. As if she didn't already know why he was here!

"I want to see him." He told her impatiently.

"I'm afraid you will have to come back later. Ayasegawa-san isn't receiving visitors as of yet. He needs to rest without being disturbed."

"I don't care! I need to see him!" Ikkaku insisted and his anger was only further fueled by the look of sympathy he received at his outburst.

"I'm afraid that is impossible. Though he is stable and his condition is far from life threatening, he won't get better unless he gets the rest he needs. You can see him when he wakes up. Now, off with you. I'll be sure to notify you when he's ready to talk." She shooed him away in a manner very much like she had sent her subordinates away and he tried to stand his ground, but to no avail. She was unmovable on the subject.

For a few more agonizing minutes he protested but was eventually, and inevitably, shot down and sent back to his division. Disappointed and angered, he let his wrath out upon the poor souls who happened to be in one of the many training areas of the division.

The next day he continued on his rampage as he realized he wouldn't be called upon that day either. This soon became a pattern for him and soon a whole week had passed. After an especially vicious fight, leading to his partner being helped to the 4th for treatment, he took a cleansing shower and finally decided to go and _"attempt" _to visit Yumichika again. Whether they wanted him there or not didn't matter; his friend was there and he was going to fucking see he was fine with his own eyes.

When he full of determination stomped into the building and headed towards Yumichika's room, despite the receptionists protests, he just happened to run into Unohana. He stopped in his tracks and prepared for a fight. But after looking him over for a moment in silence, the captain smiled.

"You have good timing, Madarame-san. I was just about to send for you."

'_Yeah right, you were most likely going to have me waiting until he was discharged.__'_ He kept the thought to himself and gave her a look that clearly asked what she was waiting for.

"Then, if you would come this way please." She said calmly and he followed the woman through the halls.

"Don't tire him out too much, he is still in rehabilitation and doesn't have much energy. One of my healers is with him at the moment keeping him under observation, but don't mind her." She told him this before she stopped before the door and opened it for the other shinigami. He instantly entered and for the first time in more than 3 months caught sight of his friend.

His eyes widened in surprise before they narrowed as he took in the exhausted look on his friends face, quickly taking notice of the injuries that marred it. His face was discolored by fading bruises, his small nose crooked ever so slightly. No feathers adorned his brow and lashes and he had stitches close to his hairline above his left eye. But what shocked him most was his hair.

His hair which had been jaw length and shiny was cropped short and lay flatly to his skull. He'd never seen Yumichika in shorter hair than what he had after he got rid of his waist long hair from his time in the Rukon. He had been proud of it then, and it hadn't changed even after he cut it off out of convenience. His hair had been his pride, in a way. It being cut short like this must be aggravating for him.

Moving his gaze lower he noticed the bandages that covered his throat, chest and hands; basically every patch of skin visible except the face to be more precise.

And though apparently asleep, his expression was warped by discomfort.

"Yumi…"He said quietly and saw how his friend's brow furrowed before his eyes started to flutter. Moving closer to Yumichika's side Ikkaku got there just in time to meet tired violet eyes as they opened. After blinking a couple of times he smiled up at him.

"Damn…" Ikkaku shook his head in disbelief.

"You really had me worried you know." The words were followed by a lopsided smile and Yumichika managed a smirk in response before he yawned, turning his face away to hide it.

"So…" Suddenly, as the relief of seeing his friend alive and in one - if battered – piece took over, Ikkaku realized he had no idea of what he was supposed to say. After all those days of waiting, he finally had a chance to speak to him, but he had run out of words after less than 2 minutes.

Yumichika seemed to notice his friend's distress and reached out and poked him in the side, which happened to be just within reach. Ikkaku gave him a surprised look and he smiled before he made a small nonsensical wave with his hand.

"What?" Ikkaku had no idea what Yumichika wanted to say and when he just shrugged, he was perplexed.

"You're weird, you know that?" He found himself saying and the injured shinigami gave a soundless laugh. And that perplexed Ikkaku. He could see that Yumi was laughing, but no direct _sound_ except his breathing was heard.

"What happened to your voice?" He asked, not really thinking before he asked and saw how his friends happy expression faltered before a reassuring smile graced it. He made a motion at his throat and Ikkaku was reminded of the bandages there.

"You even got hurt there, did you?" Yumichika nodded with a sheepish grin, his mirth not quite reaching his eyes. Ikkaku pursed his lips and gave a huff through his nose. He'd hoped there weren't any serious injuries to his friend, but that didn't seem to be the case. A soft cough had him looking at the healer whom he'd ignored up to now.

"It's time for Ayasegawa-san's meal now and then he'll have to rest. Do you want anything or will you be leaving?" The slight female asked and Ikkaku scowled. He didn't want any food you got here and he wasn't going to leave Yumi alone.

"I'm staying here." He answered and the healer clicked her tongue irritably before she turned and left.

"Suit yourself" Was the last she said before the door closed behind him, leaving the two alone.

As the healer left, he felt much more at ease and he dragged up a chair to Yumi's bedside and seated himself.

"It's too bad you can't speak." He said casually and Yumichika nodded with a faint smile on his features.

"And I'm sorry about your hair." This had the raven haired man lift a bandaged hand to the cropped strands, yanking softly at them self-consciously.

Silence once more stretched between them but it was companionable. There wasn't any way to keep a serious conversation going either way with one of the participants unable to speak. So they just stayed silent and enjoyed being near each other again.

When the healer came back with the food she placed it on a nearby table before she helped the injured shinigami to a sitting position. When the food was finally put before him, Yumichika made a disgusted grimace at the sight of gruel.

Ikkaku laughed at his friend which earned him a dignified glare. Pouting slightly, Yumichika turned to the task of eating. His hand was shaking ever so slightly as he raised the spoon but he persisted and soon enough, the offending food was gone. As the healer gathered the dishes up again, the raven haired shinigami felt his eyelids go heavy and waved sleepily at Ikkaku.

"I guess I'd best leave you to you beauty sleep." Ikkaku said jokingly and Yumi stuck out his tongue at him before he closed his eyes and shifted to get more comfortable. He grimaced in pain and Ikkaku gave him a sympathetic look.

"Well, don't worry 'bout it. I'm sure you'll be up and about in no time." He told the dark haired man reassuringly before he left.

* * *

Over all, it took nearly 2 weeks before Yumichika was finally discharged. The stitches on his brow had been removed and luckily the scar was small and would be hidden easily once he grew his hair back out. He still wore bandages on his feet and around his left knee, which had him walking with an awkward limp to his big annoyance. His voice hadn't returned yet either, but Ikkaku was certain it'd be fine.

During the last week, Ikkaku visited nearly every day. The day he didn't, he was away on a mission. But on the day of Yumi's discharge he was home and picked him up from the 4th as he left and followed him back to their quarters. They had shared quarters since they first joined the division. In the beginning, they had shared it with a few others but as they got into their roles as the 3rd and 5th seated officers, they had been left alone.

As they entered their chambers, Yumichika first took a moment to look around and then started to unpack the few things he'd had brought with him back from the 4th; a couple of medicine bottles with unknown pills and substances, some clothes he'd had brought to him and a couple of rolls of bandages.

When he was done he took another look around the room. Ikkaku couldn't help the grin that forced its way up.

"Good to be back?" He asked his companion and Yumichika nodded before he lay down on his bed and heaved a heavy sigh.

"What, you tired already?" Yumichika, who had closed his eyes, opened one to a slit and glared at his friend. He made a motion pointing at the small bottles he'd put at his desk and Ikkaku nodded in understanding. He was certain Unohana added something to all her medicines to ensure her patients rested for he'd never heard of a medicine leaving the fourth with the patients that didn't cause sleepiness.

"Well, I'm off to train now. I've been slacking off a bit recently." Yumi just waved dismissively at him and he took his leave, not returning before nightfall.

During the days that followed they got into a routine. If Ikkaku wanted something he would ask a 'yes' or 'no' question and Yumichika would answer best he could with gestures and nods or shakes of his head.

He slowly but surely recovered from his injuries and Ikkaku teased him about his slow recovery and told him that he would go fat if he didn't watch out. This led to a few playful shoves and a couple of friendly fistfights; Ikkaku winning every one of them due to the stiffness Yumichika suffered from due to his injuries.

Their behavior could very well be called childish, but for the two of them it was just their kind of bonding. Ikkaku never asked about it as he knew Yumichika couldn't answer, but he did wonder just where his friend had disappeared off to.

During one of their many fights, Ikkaku had gotten a grip on Yumichika's shoulder and used it to flip him around so he lay on his back. His yukata had opened a bit at his chest, revealing the skin there and Ikkaku felt his cheerfulness fall away at the sight of the gruesome scar that peaked through just at the edge of the clothing. He knew for a fact that it hadn't been there before.

Yumichika was slightly stunned by the impact and due to this; Ikkaku had managed to get his mask up before his friend had a chance to notice. And now here they were, back to back, each lost in their own worlds.

"Hey Yumi" Ikkaku began and felt the man turn his head to glance at him.

"Don't you think you should be going back to your duties soon?" He knew he wasn't going to get a verbal answer but the silence still felt heavy. Yumichika shrugged after a moment before rising awkwardly, leaning on his right leg and offering his hand to Ikkaku. He took it and when he was on his feet as well, the raven haired one waved at him before heading for their bathroom. A moment later, the shower could be heard.

Shrugging, Ikkaku went on his way to join the afternoon training. Before he could get started he was called over by his captain. Zaraki waved him over and when he got to where he was seated Yachiru jumped up on the bald ones shoulder.

"Ne, ne! How's feather-brain?"

"Have you changed his nickname? Wasn't he feather-brow?" Ikkaku asked while attempting to remove the clingy girl from around his neck.

"But he doesn't wear feathers anymore." She said with a slightly sulky voice before evading his grip and jumping over to sit in Kenpachi's lap.

"Well, he's fine. Told him he should get back to training but I don't know if he listened."

"If he doesn't start training soon I'll take care of him." The big captain said with a dangerous glint in his eye as he gave a toothy grin.

"I'll inform him of that." Ikkaku said and then turned around to look at the fighting division members.

"Hey" Yachiru looked up at the bald shinigami as he spoke up.

"Never mind" He finally said and sighed before he left. He'd wanted to ask what they knew of Yumichika's disappearance. He knew that his friend must have left a written report or he'd not be back in the division yet.

He returned to his shared room and found that Yumichika was stretching his left leg. His focus was set on the task at hand as he slowly straightened it out against the wall. Ikkaku waited as the man completed the stretch to then put his foot down on the ground again and testily put weight on it.

When Yumichika turned he finally noticed that his friend was there and gave a slight jump which he hid by making a slight skip as he headed towards his bed, mindful of his slightly aching knee. He sat down and crossed his legs before he waved at Ikkaku.

"Is your leg getting better?" He asked and Yumichika nodded casually before raising a brow in a silent query.

"Zaraki-taichou told me he's goin' to 'take care of you' if you don't start training soon." Yumichika grimaced at the answer and fell back against his bed so he lay on his back, his hands placed over his eyes in a grand pose of despair.

Ikkaku let out a snort of laughter at the exaggerated gesture and then went over to his bedside, staring down at him.

"You're going to train with me tomorrow."

Yumichika gave a halfhearted glare before he huffed and nodded, agreeing.

And the next day he would come to regret his decision. Ikkaku didn't have enough decency to hold back and after just a few blows he found himself sprawled on the ground, his leg having given up under him.

"That wasn't what I expected." Ikkaku mumbled to himself as Yumichika slowly made it to his feet again, dusting his clothes off and rubbing his left knee.

"Hurry up and get into position. You're going to get into shape if it's so the last thing you do." Just because the raven haired man was still rehabilitating, he wasn't going to go easy on him.

They continued to exchange blows until Yumichika stabbed the tip of his sword into the ground and leaned heavily on it, his left leg trembling violently. He gazed up at his friend and shook his head. Enough is enough.

"We'll continue tomorrow" Was all Ikkaku said in response before he went to find another partner so he could get some_ real_ exercise. Yumi was definitely not in shape and though he'd gotten better by the middle of it, he wasn't strong enough to give him any real trouble.

And though he hadn't said so out loud, he was disappointed.

He didn't even need to say it, Yumichika already knew. As he watched Ikkaku walk away from him he felt his throat tighten uncomfortably and he coughed in an attempt to relieve the pressure. Straightening he looked up at the sky for a moment before he sheathed his sword and turned to slowly limp towards the 4th division.

"Back so soon, Ayasegawa-san? I guess I shouldn't be surprised." Unohana said with a soft sigh as she entered the room where he waited. He shrugged noncommittally and waited.

"Where does it hurt?" She asked patiently and he motioned at his knee. She nodded and moved forward, crouching and putting the foot in her lap as she pushed the cloth up to examine the joint. After a moments examination she found that the muscles she'd suspected to be torn before, really had snapped and a red mark was seen at the side of the kneecap.

"You should have come the moment it started bothering you. I'll have to make an operation to fix this. It's an easy surgical procedure, but it could have been avoided if you had rested." She told him and then carefully set his foot down and rose.

"Since you're already here, let me see your other injuries." Yumichika silently complied and took of the top of his shihakusho. He shivered slightly as she with the care of a professional prodded the still healing wounds.

"Your burns have improved greatly. You can stop using the salve soon. Over all, your injuries are healing well and shouldn't bother your mobility in the future." She spoke calmly, and despite his fears, Yumichika relaxed into her care. He didn't even tense as she queried about his, in his opinion, worst injury.

"What about your voice? Any improvement?" He shook his head silently, his eyes downcast.

"I see" She didn't query further, her hands continuing to expertly send soothing pulses into his wounds, healing the faint bruises given to him earlier as well as the insistent aches from his older injuries.

When she was done she summoned a hell butterfly and silently conveyed a report to it as her patient put his top on again.

"Again I will advise you to speak to Shihiro; he's had long experience when it comes to people with your type of injury. It would be good for you to attempt to speak to him, even if it be just through writing." Her eyes held a silent rebuke and he nodded in acknowledgement to it. She'd set up a meeting before, but he hadn't arrived.

She kept him under her gaze for a moment longer and then let him go.

"Rest for a moment while I inform the surgeons. We'll take care of the injury today so you can return to you own quarters tonight. Tomorrow you can decide whether you want to give the psychologist a try." He nodded again and she left a moment later. He was tired from his earlier exercise and his with the pain gone from his joints he felt a relieved sleepiness start to fog his mind. Careful with his injured leg he lay down and soon fell asleep.

A couple of hours later he was woken and to his surprise, they had already performed the surgery. They had given him anesthetics while he was still asleep and proceeded with the procedure without waking him. He felt slightly uncomfortable about it but didn't voice any complaint.

After being given a crutch he was allowed to leave and he was to rest for at the very least 4 days before he started his training again. Ikkaku was going to get annoyed by the delay, but there was no denying the fact that he needed rest. Unohana gave him a note to give should he be requested to train and then sent him off.

He returned to his quarters and found it empty and silent. Sighing, he put the crutch away and took his medicines before he changed into his sleeping yukata and burrowed down under the covers, letting the medicines drag him down into a restless sleep.

He woke late that night at the sound of footsteps and he shifted until he could look over his shoulder. He was graced with the view of Ikkaku cursing lowly as he wrestled with his clothes before he went to bed. Yumichika hadn't seen him since the training and was relieved to see him back.

Hearing the soft snoring from his roommate allowed him to relax back into his beddings and back into fortunately dreamless sleep.

* * *

The next few days he spent the resting, but once the 5 days were up he was dragged out training with Ikkaku until he could barely stand. And the time he didn't spend training, he used to attempt to reestablish contact with his zanpakuto. Ruri'iro Kujaku had stubbornly kept silent since the day he retrieved him at his escape from the underground cellar he'd been kept prisoner in, and he feared how things would turn out should he become unable to communicate with his zanpakuto spirit.

He would have been glad over a break from his narcissistic blade had it not been so that he couldn't call forth either of his shikais. Without his voice, he couldn't call upon Ruri'iro and force him to submit. Thoughts of whether he would be able to keep his position in the division without his voice and shikai plagued his mind during the day and often led to distract him.

Such as now.

"Hey, are you done meditating or what?" Ikkaku's impatience was obvious and Yumichika opened his eyes with an inaudible sigh before he rose and dusted his clothes off and sheathed his sword. Due to habit he raised a hand to brush back his hair and was once more painfully aware of the shortness of it.

"We're gonna be late if you don't get your lazy ass here!" Ikkaku called out and drew his partner from his self-conscious contemplations. Kenpachi wanted them on the mission at the outer edges of their district range and since it would be Yumichika's first mission since his disappearance and recuperation, he wasn't going to let his friend fail it.

As Yumichika finally came to his side he set off in a quick pace and felt his friend follow closely behind. They arrived soon enough at the open space where the others were gathered. Kenpachi turned as they joined the group and then gave the orders to follow and don't slack off.

It was a pretty small group, but considering it consisted of 4 of the highest ranked in the whole division, it wasn't necessary for more. Ikkaku had his suspicions that the reason for all of them to go was to test and observe Yumichika's performance.

If Yumichika suspected the same, he hid it well. Or maybe he didn't. Ikkaku had never been able to read his friend that well in the first place, despite the fact that they were closer than most. It was often Yumichika who gauged the mood and acted accordingly.

As they traveled through the city and later over a great plane stretching between them and their destination, Ikkaku kept his gaze focused in front of him. When they got closer it was easy to feel the hollows running rampant. Their dark presence was unmistakable and excitement started to build in the group.

The captain suddenly stopped and had the others stop as well, looking at him. Yumichika stepped forward and when the captain turned to look at him he resisted the urge to cower and instead defiantly held his ground, his posture displaying an aloof sense of confidence that he truly didn't feel.

"If you're gonna take those down before I arrive, you'll have to hurry." Was all he said and Yumichika nodded gravely before he took off alone towards the hulking horde. Despite his initial instinct to run after, Ikkaku forced himself to stay still and wait until his captain gave other orders to follow.

But the waiting was killing him. Ikkaku knew the moment Yumichika engaged in combat with the hollows as a high-pitched bellow was heard from one of them. Only a moment later, Kenpachi finally drew his sword and grinned excitedly as he readied himself to rush down. The moment he set off, his 3rd seated officer was right behind him.

Yumichika shunpo'd out of range and then ran to the side before he once more jumped up aiming at the biggest hollow's mask. It had evaded the last blow and as he once more came towards it, it jerked back and swiped its huge arm in an arch at him.

Yumichika changed his hold on his sword and the moment the hand touched him he turned and used it as a stepping stone to flip over it and once more descend, his sword cutting in a deadly overhand swing. It cut straight through the hollows mask and Yumichika focused on his feet, rolling to the side the moment his feet touched the ground to avoid an incoming ranged attack from a wasp-like hollow.

He could feel the others approach quickly and it drove the last of his hesitation away. He needed to prove himself capable. He wouldn't let them think he was weak._ He wouldn't let them hear him beg! _His thoughts clouded over as _something else_ took over. His moves stroke true and his feet seemed to flow across the land, barely touching it before he took flight and with a decisive strike annihilated another foe. Narrowed violet eyes turned and he raised his blade to block an upcoming assault.

When the others arrived, the last hollow bellowed as it fell to the ground, a gust of wind hitting the lone fighter before them. Ikkaku was surprised at the total annihilation of the hollows and gazed at his friend with wide eyes.

As the male turned to look at them Ikkaku instantly noticed how dark his eyes looked in the light around them. The raven haired man moved a hand as if to smooth back his hair and then turned away slightly, a conflicted expression flitting across his expression.

And how unlikely it may sound, Ikkaku suddenly noticed how young Yumichika looked.

With his hair cut short his face was easier to see, and it made his eyes seem bigger. The bright orange at his throat had complemented his previous haircut, but now it made his throat look slimmer and face smaller, which added to his effeminate look.

"Hmph, ya actually did it." Kenpachi said in a bored voice, interrupting his 3rd seated officer's thoughts.

"Yay! Feather-brain did it!" The small lieutenant repeated happily and pumped her fist in the air in a victory pose from the big man's shoulder.

"I think I just said that" The captain told the girl who gave him a grin. He turned to look at Yumichika again while Yumichika himself had just turned his attention to the captain, his expression solemn.

"I don't care if ya don't speak. Fight like that and your place is clear." Kenpachi said and then dismissively turned to round the others up. They would head on for a hunt to see if anything interesting went on close by as they'd missed all the fun. Yumichika bowed from the waist and when he straightened, he sheathed his sword and without looking at his bald friend, went to join the after troop.

As it was, they managed to find another group of hollows as they patrolled the area and once sated, they headed back again. Ikkaku had given up thoughts about what happened earlier a long time ago. He knew his friend was deceptively strong and this just proved it once again. He didn't spend more time thinking on it.

Yumichika though had spent a little more time on the subject, but remained silent without trying to voice his thoughts.

The very same evening, Ikkaku went to get drunk with some of the others, mainly Matsumoto and her usual gang. Yumichika never liked those get-togethers and since he would be unable to converse, which had been the only fun thing to do, he stayed back. He spent a good hour or two trying to communicate with Ruri'iro before he gave up and took a bath.

The hot water surrounding him as he sank down in it helped ease his tense muscles and he rolled his head back against the edge of the tub, relaxing. He was feeling restless yet oddly lethargic. He felt the itch to do something, but he didn't know what and though his mind raced, his body lazily moved along. But foremost in his mind was the fight.

The blood and cuts, quickened breathing coupled with the thrill of being free. Powerful.

He'd never truly felt that he enjoyed fighting the way Ikkaku did, nor the way any other member of the 11th division did. He'd kept good face and pretended and in a sense he'd come to enjoy it. But never felt that _pure thrill_. This was a first for him.

He lifted his hand and held it up so he could look at it, droplets running along to fall into the warm water. He had loved the feeling of running rampant. The blood pumping through his veins had close to driven him mad and he disconnected from everything but the enemies around him and his own body and sword.

He hadn't been able to reasonably face his opponents. He'd been reckless.

He wanted to do it again.

He dropped his arm down into the water again with a sigh. It wasn't in his nature to be hotheaded. Why had it come now? He reviewed the fight again and felt a shadow of the thrill course through him again and he shuddered at the sensation. He couldn't find the reason no matter how many times he repeatedly went through the event. He knew he was missing something. Something…

He repeated the battle in his mind and every time he did so, that sensation passed through him. His chest burned and by the time he broke free of the loop, the water had gone lukewarm and to his great dismay he found he had some trouble to take care of. Running a wet hand through his cropped locks he then pushed himself up so he stood and washed his hair quickly before rinsing it under the faucet and tapping out the water.

Still his problem persisted.

Sighing he leaned against the wall and brought a hand down to his arousal and without further do, began pumping it. He shivered at the cool texture of the wall against his back and decided to finish quickly so as not to catch a chill. He moved his hand up and down the member in quick and decisive moves and after a couple of minutes his seed splattered the floor.

Heaving a sigh, he washed himself off and cleaned up the mess before he headed to his room to get dressed.

After he'd put on a comfortable yukata, he seated himself before his mirror and looked at himself for what felt like the first time in years. He gazed at the child looking back at him and barely resisted smashing the looking glass into a thousand pieces.

Keeping his cool, though great distress showed through in eyes that seemed too big and innocent for someone like him, he gazed at the changes he'd gone through. For the first time he forced himself to face it.

His hair… Thoughts flickered back to the hand roughly gripping long tresses, pulling till his scalp felt like it was on fire. Dirty words whispered in his ears before a quick, painful, yank ripped the strands out.

He shook and raised a hand to the dismal locks. They had grown longer since he'd had his hair cropped at the beginning of his rehabilitation. It looked awful. And it was going to keep looking awful while he grew it out. He'd need months for it to grow to its former glory.

He couldn't take that.

He opened a small wooden case he had and picked up the scissors there and began to work. Soon enough, his hair was nearly as short as it had been when he first cropped it. It stood out slightly from his scalp and he actually admitted that though it left him looking extremely young and innocent, it was better than the horrible mess it had been before.

After cleaning the scissor and the cut off hair away, he opened a drawer. He looked at the feathers there and took one up, holding it up where he used to fasten it. It looked ridiculous where it had once been a beautiful ornament. He put the feather away again and pouted thoughtfully. He needed something or he could never compare to his past beautiful self.

After rummaging through his drawers he finally found an old casing holding cosmetics. He looked at them for a moment and then tried the dark black and grey against his hand to see if they were usable. They painted his skin beautifully without flaking and he looked at himself critically in the mirror before he decided to try.

He had to repeatedly clean his face of horrible mistakes until he finally found a new style. He put a thin line of black just at the edge above his eyelashes on the outer ridge and instantly, his eyes didn't look as big anymore. The dark cosmetics gave his eyes a sharper look and, with a smile, he decided that he liked it.

He put the cosmetics away and decided to ask Matsumoto for tips the next… He'd give her a _note_ asking for tips the next time he met her. He still found himself thinking in the lines that he would ask people or speak to people at times.

It was hard not to speak his mind like he used to, but when he tried, a painful feeling would build in his throat and he would feel like he was about to suffocate. A couple of times of this and anyone would get discouraged.

"_Again I will advise you to speak to Shihiro; he's had long experience when it comes to __people with __your type of __injury__. It would be good for you to attempt to speak to him, even if it be just through writing."_

The kind captain of the 4th division's words echoed through his mind for a moment before he pushed the thought away. He didn't want to talk to some stranger about it. He'd already given a full report of what had happened in writing, despite how his hand shook as he wrote it and how he had been forced to put it away at several times so he could calm down.

He was certain that Ikkaku had gotten a look at it already. He must have spoken to Zaraki-taichou and demanded to see it. That was why he never brought it up after that first time when he was still hospitalized. For a moment he vainly wished that Ikkaku would speak to him about it, telling him he did the right thing.

He shook his head at himself and decided that some fresh air was what he needed. Making sure that his desk was clean, he then headed out.

It was dark outside and the air was warm. Summer was fading, but the warmth still lingered. He walked slowly throughout the mostly silent division. Most of its members were out drinking or passed out by now and the usually rowdy atmosphere was calm.

He took a couple of deep breaths and listened to the sounds of the night. And it was through this he became aware of the group of people heading his way. Their jovial drunken voices were loud and after a moment he could discern the three as Renji, Shuuhei and Ikkaku. He waited silently where he was and could soon see the three shinigami's wobbly walk. And their voices reached him in words rather than sounds. He wished he'd left.

"Hey, are ye shure he won' mine?" Renji slurred and Ikkaku gave a drunken laugh.

"He wonn't" He reassured and Shuuhei broke in with a slightly more controlled voice.

"Shouldn't you 'tleast ask?" He asked and had to steady one of his drunken companions as said one stumbled.

"Naaah, 's not like he'd answa 'nywayy!" Ikkaku declared loudly and Yumichika felt a cold weight settle in his stomach. The three shinigami's continued on their way, happily shoving each other and talking loudly, unaware of the silent man standing in the shadows.

* * *

When Ikkaku woke the next morning he found that, apart from a hangover, he was joined by both the 6th and 9th vice captains. He vaguely remembered stumbling inside his shared room together with the two shinigami's the night before.

He had also noticed that Yumichika hadn't been there, but had been persuaded not to bother. Even someone like him would go out once in a while, right? It had been a good argument yesterday, but now he frowned and looked around to see if by any chance the man had returned while he was out of it.

Yumichika's part of the room was deserted and questing out, he couldn't feel his presence close by either. A pang of worry likened to the one he'd felt when Yumichika disappeared before, hit him. His two companions still slept soundly and he decided against trying to wake and throw them out, instead rising and biting back a groan as the world spun. He was going to find Yumichika.

His headache faded as the morning went but when he hadn't found his friend before midday, he was feeling frustrated. When he returned to their room he found that Shuuhei and Renji had left and put the room somewhat in order before they did so. As he turned to Yumichika's part he noticed that a clean pair of shihakusho was placed on the bed and as he listened he could make out the shower running.

Resisting his initial impulse to barge in and grab him by the neck and demand an explanation for his disappearing act, he rubbed his temples and then crossed his arms over his chest as he waited.

After overhearing his friends' drunken conversation the night before he had decided he needed a breather away from them to gather his thoughts and cool his head. After wandering around for some time he headed to the 4th where he had his will through to get a room to rest in for the remainder of the night. He hadn't slept well and left early in the morning to a place where many went when they suffered from troubling thoughts.

There was a certain pond close to the 13th division that often was occupied by the division's captain and it was a well known fact that if you just needed someone to talk to or wanted to think, you could go there to either speak to him if he happened to be there, or simply enjoy the stillness surrounding the spot. It was practically taboo to make a ruckus in that spot, and he was certain that Ikkaku wouldn't be able to find him there if he looked for him.

As midday came around he returned to their room and found it in a mess. Sighing, he started cleaning up after the sleepover. Once done, he felt the need to shower the reek of beer of himself after handling the dirty linens, clothes and bottles that had littered the floor. He put out some clean clothes to change into and then headed into the bathroom for a quick shower.

He felt the moment Ikkaku returned to their quarters; it wasn't hard as the man's reiatsu was swirling in an angered pattern. It spiked momentarily and it notified the raven haired shinigami that his friend had noticed his presence. _Well, let him_, he thought.

He stayed inside the shower a moment more before he turned the water off and wrapped the towel he'd brought around his waist. He hesitated before the door as he caught sight of the scar running down his arm and got reminded by all the others that covered his body. Ikkaku hadn't seen them. Only the healers whom had taken care of him had.

He didn't want to show him them, but still felt like testing his friends loyalty. _How sick_, his mind whispered and for a moment his breath hitched.

Meanwhile, Ikkaku was starting to wonder what took him so long. He once more fought down the urge to barge in and he managed this more due to the fact that the door finally opened to reveal the man inside than any effort on his part.

Yumichika's face was carefully schooled into a mask of aloof indifference, though it was only through a mental effort he managed to keep it as he came into his friends view. His mind swirled with different reaction and thoughts the man could have and none of them were pleasant.

_Disgusting. Weakling. Ugly. Trash_.

There was a great variation of words that could describe his appearance and they all turned in an endless loop inside his mind as he forced his body to keep walking. He went over the cold floor, feeling his friend's eyes like burning spots in his neck and he prayed that his calm act would fool him.

_Please don't see. Please don't see. Please don't see._

He forced himself to pretend calm as he started to dress, although embarrassment, fear and self-conscious disgust had his hands fumble with the clothing and left his mouth drier than a bucket of sand.

"Where were you last night?" It wasn't the question he had expected, or rather, he had been so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn't expected anything other than hurtful words. He was unprepared and felt his throat tighten as panic rose. He couldn't speak. He couldn't answer.

"_Naaah, 's not like he'd answa 'nywayy!"_ The words returned to his mind like a bucket of cold water overturned on his head. In a moment, all other feelings were doused and anger flared, taking their place.

Still forcing calm upon his features, though no longer trembling at the effort, he donned the last piece of clothing and turned to his desk which leaned over and started rummaging through the drawers until a hand on his shoulder jerked him around.

"Did you fucking hear me?" Ikkaku growled angrily, his face practically in the other man's. Yumichika pushed him back after glaring and continued with what he'd done. Just moments later, paper and pens had materialized on the desk and he uncapped one of the pens and wrote quickly.

"What do you want?" It said and Ikkaku repeated his question from earlier.

"Where were you yesterday evening?" Calm scribbling followed before Yumichika moved back to allow the man to read.

"That's none of your concern. Even someone like me goes out at times." The words mirrored the argument he'd been fed yesterday and Ikkaku felt some of his immediate anger fade away.

"You should have left a note or something."

"Do you?" Was the answer and Ikkaku frowned at the logic of it.

"I don't, but I just want to keep track of you so you don't disappear off again without my knowledge."

_Just?_ Yumichika thought icily. So he "_just__"_ didn't want him disappearing. Well, he obviously didn't care much yesterday when he tumbled home together with the other drunkards. This was why he hated drunks! They expected everything to be fine, no matter what they did!

"Is that so" He jotted down in snappy movements and refused to look at Ikkaku as said man furrowed his brows at him.

"Are you angry?"

Yumichika didn't feel like answering that question and wrote a quick note which he forced into his friends hand before he made his way across the floor to the door.

"Wait! What is the meaning of this?" Ikkaku called at him and Yumichika gave a condescending glance before he opened the door and slammed it shut after him.

Ikkaku looked down on the crumbled note again before throwing it away.

"What do you mean _'__Just because I don't voice them, doesn't mean I don't have any opinions.__ Now, __I'm heading out'_?" Well, apart from the obvious meaning of it. Sure, he'd told him to leave a note if he left, but that didn't mean he had to do so now.

Frustrated, he left the room to find something to eat.

* * *

After eating he went to train and found that Yumichika was already there, working of steam against one of the lower seated officers; the 7th, if he remembered correctly. He noticed Yachiru sitting on the wooden railing on the veranda overlooking the exercise field and walked over to stand close to her, his attention fixed on the same target caught by her dark pink gaze.

"He's angry." She stated and he glanced at her slightly sullen expression. Looking back at Yumichika, he couldn't really say he agreed. He looked like he usually did nowadays; hair on end and a small smile quirking his lips.

"Really?"

"Un, he's really angry." She made a sad sound and pouted.

Not liking the look on his lieutenant's face, Ikkaku moved over to the two combatants and intercepted Yumichika's next attack, telling the other man to leave. Yumichika gave him a considering glance before he moved back and entered a passive stance.

"I don't know what got you so pissy, but you seem eager enough for a fight."

And so, they began.

Ikkaku lunged forward and Yumichika blocked it easily before sliding away to the side and attempting a tightly controlled slash. But Ikkaku had already followed his initial momentum up with a turn and jump backwards, easily getting out of range of the sword.

They continued to exchange blows, neither afraid of giving ground to achieve free room for a charge or close in until they were face to face, their blades locked in a battle of strength. Yumichika gave repeated proof of the strength hidden behind his deceptively lean appearance, standing his ground for long periods of time against his physically stronger partner before he was forced to retreat for a new attack.

The longer they went on, the harsher their exchanges became. What in the beginning had resembled a training match was quickly becoming something way more serious. Yumichika had stopped holding his swings back as the thrill he'd long to feel again started to emerge. His blows grew lighter, but faster and with increasingly deadly precision.

It didn't go unnoticed by his partner. He had always thought them to be almost equals when they fought, Yumichika perhaps slightly weaker due to the fact he always held something back for some reason. But as the slender man at a rapid speed threw away his restraints, Ikkaku started to wonder if perhaps they weren't _complete_ equals. He was having troubles blocking and evading, though the same thing could be said for Yumichika.

Unbeknownst to the two, the area around them had been cleared and Kenpachi had joined Yachiru in watching the two.

"Ne ne, Ken-chan"

"Hm?"

"Doesn't Yumi-chi look frustrated?"

"He looks ready to kill"

"Un, but it's Baldy he's fighting! He's not smiling."

Kenpachi grunted in response while Yachiru bit the nail on her thumb. She didn't like the new Yumichika. He was a big meanie.

Yumichika reveled in the feeling of power that coursed through him till it felt like he was drowning. But it came to an abrupt halt as he could suddenly hear his zanpakuto talk to him.

"_**Stop this madness! It's unbefitting of us!"**_

The words froze him in place and his eyes widened in shock. He could vaguely hear Ikkaku shout in surprise and outrage and then felt something cold swipe past his lower arm, cutting his wrist slightly and knocking the sword out of his grip.

He blinked in shock and stared down at the sword and quested for Ruri'iro Kujaku, but to no avail. It was as unresponsive as it had been the past weeks. A frustrated growl later and he kicked the sword across the ground and turned and stormed off.

Ikkaku had been in the middle of a wide swipe when Yumichika suddenly froze, his eyes wide as though he'd been kicked in the gut. He didn't have time enough to react and his slash knocked the sword out of his friend's slack hands easily before cutting through the flesh above his wrist, blood splattering the ground.

He retraced his sword and took a step back, anger keeping the shock in place as he watched his friend look at his sword as though it had grown a second handle. Then, without any warning except a growl, he kicked the word away and disappeared.

Ikkaku was left, bloodied sword in hand, as his friend retreated. After a moment he walked over and picked up the discarded katana. A furious spark of reiatsu was instantly sent up his arm the moment he touched it and he drew back cursing.

"Fuck!"

He glared at the blade before he tried again, this time prepared. The shock wasn't as great, but it still hurt and he hissed in annoyance.

"I'm going to give you back to your owner so stop resisting!" He growled at the blade, hoping the zanpakuto within would hear him. If it did, it ignored his as it sent another sharp jolt through him. Cursing some more he set of to get back to their room where he could leave the most likely offended spirit. Knowing the blades owner, this zanpakuto was most certainly pretty stuffed full of pride. Heck, Hozukimaru would most likely be pretty pissed if he ate the dust like that.

He dropped the sword off ungraciously on top of Yumichika's bed, not wanting to hold the offending blade any longer than necessary. He'd never received such an aggressive reaction from Yumichika's blade before and to some extent, it worried him.

Those who where closely attuned could wield another's blade if necessary and if the blade consented. Yumichika had told him once that his zanpakuto wouldn't mind being held by him, though a moment later he had stared in shock at the sword and when Ikkaku had asked what was wrong he had refused to answer.

Shaking the thoughts from his mind he went out to clear his head. Outside the clouds where starting to gather. They were dark and ominous, holding a promise of stormy winds and blazing thunder.  
He seated himself on a veranda and looked up at the incoming clouds.

* * *

They were almost upon them, the air heavy with the promise of rain and thunder, when he was brought out of his meditation. A smack to his head brought him back and he clutched it briefly, yelling at whoever was stupid enough to hit him.

"Where's Yumi-chi?" Yachiru asked him seriously and he was both surprised at the different nickname and the serious tone. He momentarily forgot his anger and turned to look at the clouds again.

"I don't know."

"Why aren't you with him?" She asked and he shrugged.

"He doesn't want me there right now. I thought I should give him some room."

"Did he tell you that?"

"…No, since he can't speak."

"Then you can't know that's what he wants." She pointed out and Ikkaku remembered the note Yumichika left last time he left.

'_Just because I don't voice them, doesn't mean I don't have any opinions.'_

He frowned as he realized he'd been unfair in assuming what Yumichika wanted without discussing it with him first. But Yumichika wasn't exactly without fault either. If he was pissed about something, he should just have said so instead of initiating this stupid guessing game!

He quickly got to his feet, determined to find his friend and end this game. Yachiru said something but he dismissed it and jumped up on the roof where he scanned the area before started his search.

The chase was on.

* * *

A/N: I'm ending it here as it got too long. **  
**

I would very much like to hear what you thought about their characters; I'm unfortunately not that certain I nailed them.

And I apologize for any mistakes. I had to correct this story more than I've corrected any story before.

**Reviews make me happy.**


	5. Amaryllis 2

3rd story of Flower Dictionary (Part 2)  
Title: Amaryllis  
Pairing: Ikkaku x Yumichika  
Genre: Hurt & Comfort / Romance/ Friendship / Drama / Angst  
Rating: M  
Warnings: Strongly psychological, coarse language, adult situations, mentions of torture, angst, yaoi, lots of dialogue  
Summary: Yumichika has always said that he won't scream, no matter what. Not even under torture. Experiencing it, he stays true to his word. But now he can't speak at all. His voice sealed under a tight lid, he can't voice the feelings wanting to break free. Who can give him the strength to raise his voice?

Check out the poll!

A/N: Here's the 2nd part of Amaryllis! I hope you enjoy!

* * *

The chase was on.

He jumped from building to building, running across the tiled rooftops and sailing through the air, eyes trained ahead and senses on high alert. The least waft of his targets presence and he would find him, and this game of tag would be over.

Ikkaku jumped across yet another cleft between buildings as he headed for higher ground. High above the streets below, he scanned the surrounding area with every sense he possessed. The wind howled around him, tugging at his clothes and muffling his hearing and bringing drifting residues of mixed reiatsu.

"Where are you?" He asked the wind and strained his reiatsu sense. He wasn't the best at it, Yumichika easily beating him both in sensing and hiding his and others reiatsu. If he didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be. Or that was what he usually thought, but he was determined to find him and bring him back.

Reaching out as far as he could, he still found no trace of his partner. Taking sight of his next outpost, a building close to the 6th division headquarters, he jumped down and set out.

He continued this pattern for hours. He ran across great distances from one high building to another, stopping to check his surroundings before he continued on. The wind grew even more in strength as time crept by, but he didn't cease his hunt.

At times he would feel familiar reiatsus and every time, he would stop and turn towards them in the hope he'd found him, but every time he would be disappointed as they proved to be others he was familiar with to the point he could pinpoint them such as Kira, Shuuhei, Renji, Hitsugaya-taichou, Matsumoto, Maki-something-or-other and Komamura-taichou.

He grew increasingly angry as time went and for every building he passed he got that much closer to forgetting his initial goal with finding Yumichika. He was supposed to apologize and ask what was up, but now he rather felt like sending him right back into the infirmary for his repetitive disappearing acts.

He once more reached a high spot and reached out with his senses. Nothing. But as he began to withdraw, a familiar feeling faintly touched his senses and he trained in on it and swirled around so he faced the soukyo hill. A moment later he affirmed the reiatsu's owner and like a bloodhound to the trail, he forged ahead towards it.

* * *

The promise of storm was in the air, yet he couldn't find it in him to care. The wind tugged at his short hair and clothes, sending a chill over his sweat damped skin. His arm burned, dull pain and heat coming in waves from the wound on it. He moved his good hand and wrapped it over the poorly covered wound, gritting his teeth as a shiver went through it, along his arm all the way from elbow to fingertips.

When he had first left the division, leaving his zanpakuto and Ikkaku behind, he had been furious. Everything had been fine, but then his zanpakuto spirit just had to put his nose where it didn't belong. After all this time of silence it finally decided to speak to him, and then only to insult him!

Heaving a heavy sigh, Yumichika gave up. Even if he tried to be angry at Ruri'iro, he couldn't. It was as though the cold wind had numbed his feelings and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't muster enough energy to ignite them. He felt lethargic and close to apathetic.

He just wanted some feeling to prove he was still alive.

If he felt anything, it was disappointment. He was disappointed in himself for getting angry at his zanpakuto, for being unable to communicate with it but mostly for sinking as low as to try and harm his friend for the sheer pleasure of hurting. The thought had the cold feeling spread further, deeper, like icicles piercing his very core, spreading numbness like a poison.

But one feeling didn't disappear with the others. Fear.

As the numbness spread, rather than dampening the fear he felt, it grew stronger, quickly overpowering his senses. Like twisting dark hands it clawed at him, making his heart race and eyes squeeze shut to try and shut it out. But it was all in vain.

"_**Ya know what? I don't care whether ya sp**__**eak or not. I'm juss' here for the torture, tha 's all**_**."**

He shied away from the dark memory that assaulted him and then shivered as his fingers dug into the fresh wound on his arms, blood flowing once more. The pain only further reminded him of those hellish days and he silently prayed for the memories to go away.

"_**Seeing others writhe in pain, it's such an exhilarating feeling, y'know?"**_

_NO! It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not…! _

Yumichika repeated to himself over and over, trying to drive away the voice in his head. Images of the dark haired man, sinister smiles seen in the dark, harsh laughter and blows dealt to his body and pride as the words were repeated over and over to him, warping his thoughts as they flooded his mind.

"_**You're still not screaming. Maybe you actually like this?"**_

_No! Stop! Go away!_

"_**Deep down, you're just like me. You like feeling pain… and you love inflicting it. Isn't that right, shi-ni-ga-mi?"**_

His throat tightened as the words he had kept bottled inside once more wanted to break free. He wanted to deny it, tell him he was wrong, even telling the _world_ it was wrong!

But he wouldn't. Just like he hadn't before.

_Don't scream. Don't beg. Don't show your weakness. Stay strong. Stay silent. Don't scream. Don't beg. Don't show your__ weakness. Stay strong. Stay silent. Don't scream…_

An endless mantra that had repeated itself over and over until it became as constant as the beating of his heart and his very breathing swirled through his mind and though he'd been able to push it back, it now once more emerged to drown out all thoughts.

Caught inside his own living nightmare, he didn't notice the rain as it started to fall, nor how the control he'd kept on his reiatsu dissipated, letting it loose for anyone to sense.

* * *

As fast as he moved, it took only a few short minutes for Ikkaku to reach the source of the reiatsu trail at the top of the soukyo hill. The rain had started to drizzle down and the ground gave off a splashing sound as he landed. At the far end from where he was, he could see his fried standing at the edge of the cliff. Anger swirling around him, he stomped forward ready to confront him.

As he got closer he noticed that Yumichika stood rather stiffly, his head lowered and one of his arms crossed over his stomach to grab the other arm, almost curled up around himself. He didn't appear to notice his presence.

Not caring, Ikkaku walked straight up to him and grabbed his arm, turning him towards him with a sharp jerk.

Yumichika gasped in shock and for a moment he was certain he was back in _that man's_ clutches. He froze and schooled his features out of reflex, displaying not an ounce of his thoughts and feelings. Even when he realized with relief that it was Ikkaku, he didn't let his guard down.

It had been too close. He had been too close to reveal how _weak_ he actually was. He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't let Ikkaku, or anyone for that matter, know just how weak he was.

_I don't want him to hate me._

Ikkaku had thought that perhaps his friend was upset or anything, but when he came face to face with a non caring expression he was further annoyed. He was certain he'd heard a gasp and felt Yumichika go stiff at contact, but now there was no trace of shock on his features. Searching his face just made his anger reach new heights.

"Why the hell do you insist on running away all the time?" He roared in his friends face. Yumichika didn't move an inch, staring him down silently.

"For fucks sake Yumi!" He shouted before pushing him away from him, the opposite way of the cliff's edge, of course.

Yumichika stumbled a bit as he was suddenly pushed away but quickly regained his footing and turned towards his aggravated friend. He was still caught in the after-wake of the onslaught of memories and though he could feel himself faintly wish to reach out and try to calm Ikkaku, he couldn't make himself move. The emotion wasn't strong enough to outdo the numbness.

"Why did you hide your reiatsu?" Ikkaku asked and Yumichika just silently stared back at him.

"No, forget it. I don't care for the answer and I see you still insist on not speaking." He paced a little, closing his fists and opening them repeatedly, restraining himself.

"I told you before that if you're leaving, leave a note. Now, forget I said that. You are not leaving like this again. If you have to go somewhere you have to fucking tell me, and tell me where fuck you are going. I won't go out looking for you like this every little time you decide to get pissed at something or other!"

He turned around to face Yumichika, feeling like the worst of his anger had ebbed away… only to come crashing in like a tidal wave again at the non interested expression on Yumichika's face. He glared at him and waited for any kind of response, but when he continued to stare vacantly at him, he growled.

"The least you can do is listening!" He roared at him, which caused Yumichika to focus his gaze on him. A slow bob of his head indicated he'd heard and Ikkaku felt his eye twitch in annoyance.

"Okay. Well, what I truly feel like saying is 'go fuck yourself' and kick your ass till you're bleeding. But…"Damn did it have to be so hard to find words to say? Apologize, make him regret disappearing and then bring him back and fucking lock him up. Or something along those lines. Ikkaku brought a hand up to his face and wiped some of the raindrops away before he glowered at his friend.

"I'm not saying this again so get your head out of the clouds and listen. You were pissed before, and I apologize. It was rude of me to assume you didn't have any opinions worth thinking about and blah, blah you know the rest." He wasn't good at these things and awkwardly hid his face in his hand.

Daring a glance at his friend he felt his emotions run cold. Even after this, Yumichika remained unfazed. Staring in blatant disbelief he waited for any kind of response.

He waited in vain.

"Fine! If you're not going to show any interest, go ahead. But for everything we've been through, don't you think I at least deserve some respect?"

"This isn't working. Yumi, for all the years we've been friends, I'm putting up with this. But right now I honestly don't know what the fuck to do. I'm not going to try and do anything unless you show me you are willing to talk to me. I mean, what's the point?" He looked at him, hoping any of his words would trigger a reaction. A slightly dark look made itself known on Yumichika's face, but otherwise, he made no movement. Disappointed, Ikkaku turned away, readying himself to leave.

"I'm not staying out here any longer. I don't feel like having a discussion with a nonresponsive statue in the rain. And honestly, I don't feel like talking at all anymore. You can stay out here till you get a lightning bolt in your head for all I care!"

Ikkaku was once more met with silence and he didn't turn around to look at his friend.

"I'm going to leave you to your own thoughts. Come find me when you decide you want to talk." After saying what he wanted, he found no reason to stay anymore. He was disappointed in his friend and hurt that he refused to answer him. He walked slowly away from him, feeling the distance between them grow like a chasm.

Then an ear-splitting cry cut the air and Ikkaku swiveled around in horror. Yumichika stood where he had before but his hands were at his head and his body shook violently as the high-pitched notes broke out of him. As the sound was abruptly cut off and Yumichika fell to his knees still cradling his head, Ikkaku ran towards him.

"Yumi!" He called out and the instant he reached his friends side he put his arm around him and tried to have him look into his eyes. Yumichika's eyes were wide and unseeing, the pupils dilated to the point where they threatened to overtake the violet. Drops of water, or tears, streamed down his face and he took hulking breaths as though he couldn't get enough air down his lungs and his whole body trembled in Ikkaku's arms.

Ikkaku was horrified by the all too sudden change of events and for a moment froze in shock, completely dumbfounded and at a loss for what to do. A moment later he snapped out of it and tried to get his friend to respond.

"Yumi? Hey! Shit, just look at me!" He pleaded and then commanded but nothing took the horrified expression away from his face. Cursing loudly he looked around, trying to come up with a plan of action.

As his eyes glanced over the edge and he caught sight of the buildings he instantly realized that whatever had happened was out of his and most certainly Yumichika's control. He needed to get help.

"Yumi, please listen. We're going to the 4th division okay? Unohana-taichou'll take a look at you, alright?" A rational part of him told him that Yumichika was most likely not listening to him at the moment, but he didn't have the wits to be rational. He forced the crouching male to his feet and then began the frustrating task of trying to get him to walk.

After failing to do so and having him fall down after a few steps, he gave up and wrapped his arms around him and hoisted him up. Yumichika was nearly as tall as him and it made carrying him quite awkward, but he saw no other solution.

As they came to the edge of the cliff, he gave a soft murmured warning to his friend before jumping down and taking off in shunpo the moment he landed.

When he reached the division, they were soaked, dirty and while Ikkaku was fighting to refrain from shouting for help, Yumichika was frozen in a state of shock, staying unresponsive.

He barged in; frightening a couple of nearby members of the division, and not sparing thought to it, he instantly demanded they bring their captain.

"Get Unohana-taichou here! Now!" He roared, crouching down with Yumichika still in a firm grip.

A moment later, the woman came into view, almost materializing from thin air. Her expression was grave as she leaned down and after taking a single look at Yumichika's face she ordered the closest room to be prepared. As she gave orders, she also reached for Yumichika's unmoving body.

Ikkaku felt himself tighten his grip around his friend instinctively and he didn't realize it until Unohana softly told him to let go.

"We will take care of him now. Don't worry, he will be in good hands and I won't let anything happen to him as long as he stays within the division walls." Her voice was gentle but firm and Ikkaku found himself releasing his friend into the healers waiting arms. She wrapped her arms around Yumichika and a moment later, was gone, a whisk of air following her retreat.

Without the immediate threat to his friend, Ikkaku was left like a ship without wind in its sails. He couldn't bring himself to move, nor bring his thoughts into order. Stunned, he remained crouched where he had entered.

A couple of healers glanced nervously at him. They didn't know what to do about him, he was well known for his fierce behavior after all, and they didn't dare get close. But their duties said to take care of someone injured, and though he wasn't injured per se, he must be shocked.

But the decision was put out of their hands as Ikkaku stirred out of his stupor. He should return to his division, he realized, and rose gingerly. Without looking about, he exited and started walking through the storm.

He could no longer feel the cold of the rain or the wind tugging at his wet clothes, only the loss of the warmth where Yumichika's body had been.

* * *

When Ikkaku pushed him away, Yumichika had quickly regained his footing and turned to stare at his friend. He realized that no emotion could be read on his face but couldn't drop the mask that shielded him. He didn't feel an emotion strong enough to outdo the numbness.

"Why did you hide your reiatsu?" Ikkaku asked him and a part of his mind pointed out that he couldn't answer even if Ikkaku asked him to.

"No, forget it. I don't care for the answer and I see you still insist on not speaking." Yumichika remained calm on the outside and mostly on the inside as well. He was a bit hurt, but the feeling was distant and faint. He waited silently for Ikkaku to continue, wanting to hear where he was headed.

"I told you before that if you're leaving, leave a note. Now, forget I said that. You are not leaving like this again. If you have to go somewhere you have to fucking tell me, and tell me where fuck you are going. I won't go out looking for you like this ever little time you decide to get pissed at something or other!"

Ikkaku turned towards him as he said this and Yumichika was surprised ever so slightly at the accusatory glare he was receiving. He pondered Ikkaku's words and as a result tuned out the rest of the sentence.

"The least you can do is listening!" The roar broke through and shattered the deafening feeling surrounding him, and Yumichika forced his body to move though it took an enormous effort just to nod in acknowledgement.

"Okay. Well, what I truly feel like saying is 'go fuck yourself' and kick your ass till you're bleeding. But…"

_That'__s rude.._. A disconnected thought that surfaced in his mind and he questioned it silently before he forced his focus to remain on Ikkaku.

"I'm not saying this again so get your head out of the clouds and listen. You were pissed before, and I apologize. It was rude of me to assume you didn't have any opinions worth thinking about and blah, blah you know the rest." Yumichika forced himself to listen and felt a streak of relief course through him at his friend's words.

_He listened to me. Although I can't spea__k, he realized what I meant with my note. _He felt a soft smile tug at the corners of his lips and relaxed slightly. But to Yumichika's dismay Ikkaku took the silence that followed, the wrong way.

"Fine! If you're not going to show any interest, go ahead. But for everything we've been through, don't you think I at least deserve some respect?"

_What? I do respect you! Those are the exact thoughts I had before! Shit! Move, damn it!_

Yumichika desperately tried to break through the trance that held him, but his body refused to listen. It was in lock down and he could only listen in growing dismay at his friend's words.

"This isn't working. Yumi, for all the years we've been friends, I'm putting up with this. But right now I honestly don't know what the fuck to do. I'm not going to try and do anything unless you show me you are willing to talk to me. I mean, what's the point?" He struggled harder, feeling his brow furrow slightly and his lips tremble as he tried to force the words out. He needed to stop this before it went too far!

_I'm listening and I do care! Please just wait! Please don't give up on me!_

"I'm not staying out here any longer. I don't feel like having a discussion with a nonresponsive statue in the rain. And honestly, I don't feel like talking at all anymore. You can stay out here till you get a lightning bolt in your head for all I care!" As he struggled harder against his body's unresponsiveness, his distress increased at an alarming rate. He desperately reached out and managed to raise his hand after his friend, but Ikkaku had already turned his back to him and didn't see the gesture.

_Please don't leave! I'm sorry, so don't leave!_

"I'm going to leave you to your own thoughts. Come find me when you decide you want to talk."

_Don't leave, please! Please, I can't do this on my own. Ikkaku, I…I-!_

Suddenly, like a bubble bursting, the invisible wall broke and like a tidal wave, his voice crashed out of him. Shrill like a woman's, an anguished cry he'd been suppressing for far too long exploded out of him and he found that he was overwhelmed at the feelings that rushed forward with it.

He gripped his head in pain as he was crushed beneath the wave of memories, impressions and emotions. He couldn't find himself and any thoughts he tried to construct were ripped to shreds. Like a bird caught inside a torrent of wind he felt himself being tugged mercilessly in different directions, powerless to stop it.

For a moment he heard a voice calling his name repeatedly, or maybe it was two, but he didn't know if it was Ikkaku, his zanpakuto, his tormentors or long lost father. All in one go; his life flashed him by in bits and pieces, every piece craving his attention. He couldn't take it.

Time lost all meaning.

It could have been seconds or years, he did not know or care, but suddenly the storm stilled. It was as if the poor tousled bird finally found a branch to cling upon, and beneath the heavy, lush growth, found protection from the tormenting winds howling inside his soul.

A feeling of calm settled over him and unlike the suffocating and drowning sensation he'd felt as the world faded from him, he was now wrapped in a comforting golden light. It enveloped him without confining him, and inside it, he could once more gather his scattered wits and slowly slip into wonderful oblivion.

* * *

Unohana slowly removed her hands as she felt the tension dissipate beneath her fingers and the mind beneath her scrutinizing control was slowly lulled into sleep. Her hands trembled slightly and the world was slightly hazy as she sought out the chair in the room.

She felt drained and gingerly placed a hand to her temples. When she heard that Madarame had entered with Ayasegawa in his arms she had been instantly alarmed. She knew that things like _this_ could happen if trauma was not treated, but with an unwilling patient, there was no way to ease their suffering.

She didn't blame herself for not acting, in fact, she was just relieved she had been close by when it happened and could help before it got worse.

She had seen several cases like Ayasegawa's before and thus had been able to instantly work on the problem. It had taken time, it always did, to find the way through his rampaging emotions to find the core of his mind and penetrate it with soothing calm.

It had taken nearly 2 hours for her to convince him that he wasn't being crushed by the emotions and bring back calm and control to his mind. She could easily have done it faster had she used another technique, but unfortunately that technique was counted as forbidden. And she was not about to break the law when there was other options.

Sighing heavily she slumped back in her chair slightly, rubbing circles on her hands to ease the ache blossoming there. A moment later, a careful knock was heard before the door was opened. Isane entered quietly with Shihiro in tow.

The man calmly took in his surroundings before he bowed to the captain.

"It is good to see you, although the circumstances could have been better." He greeted her gravely and she nodded at him.

"That is very true. Shihiro-san, I must ask of you to please speak to Ayasegawa-san here when he wakes up. Though he is most certainly very much against it, he needs to talk to someone about what happened. What happened today just proves that it can't be pushed off any longer."

"I understand. You need not worry; I will stay here until he wakes up. You should go and rest; I know that it is not easy to calm these kinds of patients." He held her gaze evenly and she smiled.

"You are correct again; I do feel slightly fatigued after this ordeal. If you need anything you can call for assistance, I will give orders that they are to listen to you and aid you should you need it."

"I thank you most graciously, Unohana-taichou." He said formally and gave a new bow, his chestnut colored hair falling across his face slightly, which was corrected as he straightened again and tucked the strands behind his ear.

"I wish you a good night." She answered and gave a nod at his formal bow, before she together with her lieutenant left the room.

The longhaired male stayed behind and closed the door after them before straightening his clothes and moving the chair over to the patient's bedside. Sitting down, he crossed one leg over the other and rested his closed hands in his lap.

As the evening slowly crept into full-blown night and eventually early morning, he sat with his eyes closed, meditating. When the first morning light started to filter inside, he felt an approaching reiatsu and looked up just in time to see a healer come in quietly. She had a brick with food and water on and left after he accepted it.

Time continued to creep by and while Yumichika remained in his heavy sleep, the psychologist remained in his seat, meditating and looking out the window at the drenched world outside. The storm had calmed around midnight but the rain continued on into the early morning before it started to thin out.

As midday ticked by, the clouds let occasional glimpses of blue show through, and as the sun started to retreat again behind the horizon, even the clouds were on the verge of dissipating.

And it was around this time that Yumichika finally started to rouse from his slumber.

As he first started to emerge from sleep, he experienced a feeling close to floating in thin air. Like there was nothing around him but stillness. Then his senses started to slowly reawaken, informing him of the smell of anesthetics, the rough yet soft feel of comforters, the mattress and a pillow beneath his head as well as someone breathing slowly nearby, someone with average reiatsu, radiating calm.

When he didn't feel anything new, he opened his eyes and started to connect the pieces. Pale walls, wood, anesthetics; it all pointed towards the 4th division. Carefully rolling his head to the side he focused on the man. His hair was of middle length, long bangs framing his face while the rest was in a loose ponytail. He wore a white overcoat above his shinigami attire and his expression incited calm.

As he looked at him, the man opened his eyes and moss green met his violet evenly.

"My name is Wakahisa Shihiro, and I bid you a good evening, Ayasegawa Yumichika." He stated formally and Yumichika managed a nod.

"I have heard about your condition, but I would very much appreciate it if you did attempt to answer me when I speak to you."

Yumichika felt an emotion likened to melancholy start to well up inside. He wouldn't be able to speak even if he tried to, so why bother trying?"

"That will not do, Ayasegawa. You can't have your emotions overrule you. Take a deep calming breath and center yourself." He asked of him and Yumichika did his best. The calm the man was radiating seemed to seep into him and he found it extraordinarily easy to center his thoughts.

"Just like that, Ayasegawa. Now, say after me: I am in control. I can speak."

Yumichika tried but the moment he opened his mouth to speak he felt his throat tighten again.

_It's no idea. I can't. _

"Remember, deep breaths and center yourself. Do not rush." The man told him, and Yumichika tried once more.

"I'm... in con…trol. I-I ca-an speak." He finally said and though it had odd pauses, he was so relieved to hear his own voice again that he felt like dancing in joy.

_I can speak! It's over! It's…!_

He choked down a gasp and trembling shot through his body as thoughts of what had happened before started rushing back. But before it could drag him under again, a cool hand grabbed his and he was once more centered within himself, the memories kept at bay by a strong will.

"Do not let go of yourself. Keep your wits around you, and breathe." Yumichika subconsciously followed his directions and found that he could push the dark memories away from the front of his mind. It didn't stop them from lurking in the back though.

"Tha-ank you" He choked out in a hoarse whisper and Shihiro nodded.

"There is no need for you to thank me, but I accept it nonetheless. Now, I will retreat from you mind again. Keep your guard up and you will be fine, understood?"

"Yes" Yumichika answered after a moment though he was a bit frightened at what would happen. The moment the shinigami's hand slipped away from his he panicked and the feelings rushed back to suffocate him at the chance they were granted.

Once more, they were repelled as Shihiro reached out and firmly created a center inside his mind where he could gather his wits. As though reading his thoughts, Shihiro spoke.

"Do not be discouraged. When the situation goes out of control as it did before, it takes time to find the balance again. Just relax and find your focus. Do not rush, and do not force it. Let it seep out like a natural shield." He spoke slowly and calmly, and the soothing sound had Yumichika relax once more and pushed depressing thoughts away.

This time as Shihiro retreated, he kept the field around his mind up and though he could feel his own memories try and breach it, he stood his ground firmly. A moment later, the pressure decreased and he opened his eyes which he had at some point screwed shut.

"Good work Ayasegawa. Do not think too much about what happened for now. There will be a time to speak about it, but for now I must unfortunately ask you a few questions; protocol you know." He quirked his lips slightly and Yumichika nodded before correcting himself.

"Go ahead" He whispered hoarsely. The psychologist nodded to himself and then leaned back in his chair and fixed him with a lazy gaze.

"Since your return to you division, whom have you been spending your time with?"

"Ikkaku… mostly"

"I see. The two of you share a room, do you not?"

"We do… since long back."

"It must have been a relief to have someone you have a long history with at your side." He commented carefully, though to Yumichika's ears it simply sounded pleasant.

"Yes… though he was… a bit eager to train." Yumichika answered with a smile.

"That must have been hard on you, but I do not see you complaining. I guess it means a lot to you that he wouldn't act differently from before your incident." He slipped so carefully towards the subject that it went unnoticed by Yumichika, who answered truthfully.

"Yes… I was… _am_ worried that he… hates me." It was getting harder to speak and he took a couple of slow breaths to recover his voice.

"It is understandable. We are all ruled by our emotions and none of us wants to be judged by those we care about."

"So after your incident, you returned to routine pretty much I assume?"

"As far… as I could" Yumichika answered him after a moment of silence.

"Your body's condition was hindering you, was it?"

"Yes"

"The damage to your body took time to rehabilitate. Perhaps the thought that it was too slow or that it wasn't enough hit you?"

"Yes"

Though considering the degree of you injuries, those thoughts were irrational, where they not?"

"Yes…" Yumichika wondered at the man's ability to pinpoint his thoughts so easily and seemingly know exactly what to say to make him admit certain things he hadn't even admitted in the confines of his mind. And following that train of thought he finally realized they were inching towards the subject of the incident.

"You said… we wouldn't speak ab…about it." He said accusingly and the man gave a lopsided smile, completely without remorse.

"I did say there was going to be time for us to speak about the incident. However, I did not say when. I apologize if this caused a misunderstanding. I have my orders to speak to you, but rest assured; I will not force you. It will come in its own time." He sounded so confident and his voice was so soothing that Yumichika couldn't remain angry at the man. He realized that it most likely was the man's intentions, but couldn't find it in him to rebuke the man for it.

"Its fine" He murmured instead, feeling sleep start to pull lightly at him again.

"I am glad to hear we could clear this up easily and that no hard feelings remain between us. For now, I recommend you to get some sleep." He rose to leave and Yumichika gave him a slightly dignified look. He opened his mouth to say something but forgot it.

"I don't think I can sleep…" He lied, not remembering what he'd initially thought to say, for with sleep tugging insistently at him and it was getting increasingly hard to think.

"I could bore you with the details of the reason behind your exhaustion." The offer was said with a straight face and was completely sincere. Yumichika couldn't help but chuckle at it before he let his eyes fall shut at the irresistible lull of sleep.

"That was very well done. Very subtle and clean" Shihiro pointed out and Unohana opened the door, smiling at him.

"Thank you. He should not be up for too long yet. Emotional breakdowns take a huge toll on the mind and body after all."

"That is so. As you are here, I assume I can leave to get refreshed." He stated it as an assumption but his gaze clearly asked for confirmation.

"Yes, please do. I will stay with him for the next hour or so and then I will have another healer come check on him every hour. You should get some real sleep. Thank you for your hard work." It was a dismissal, and Shihiro bowed before leaving silently.

Unohana took the place where the psychologist had been seated before carefully threading her reiatsu through the air, gently examining the natural pulses coming from the shinigami on the bed. Finding nothing out of the ordinary she sent a careful pulse urging him into an even deeper sleep.

Then she simply waited.

Soon enough a healer came in and took her place and so the night went on, nothing disturbing the peace.  
The captain checked in on Yumichika again the next morning and was met with a surprise visitor.

"Kusajichi-fukutaichou, what a pleasant surprise" She stated as she entered and the pink haired lieutenant looked up at her. She was seated on the chair and swung her legs back and forth over the edge in a restless manner.

"I heard that Yumi-chi was back here and had to investigate." Yachiru said and then looked at the still sleeping shinigami.

"I see" Unohana said with a pleasant smile for the young girl.

"He'll be fine, right?" Yachiru asked the healer who smiled and nodded.

"It may take time, but he will recover."

"Good. Then maybe I shouldn't have chewed Baldy out so much." She said thoughtfully and then giggled a little, no regret over her action visible on her childish features.

"I've got to go now. Ken-chan will wake up soon." Yachiru said a moment later before she rose and dusted off her clothes. She then jumped up on Yumichika's bed to give him a pat on the head. Then she prepared to leave but remembered one last thing to do.

"Ah, and don't tell Yumi-chi I was here!" She seriously pointed her finger at Unohana who gave a soft laugh.

"I promise, I won't tell him."

"Pinky promise?"

"Yes, pinky promise" She confirmed and linked her finger briefly with the young lieutenants. Then Yachiru left through the window and Unohana closed it after her, chuckling softly to herself.

* * *

Ikkaku let out a heavy sigh. It was once more starting to get dark outside and it was the coming of the third evening since he'd left Yumichika at the 4th. They hadn't called for him, and he hadn't gone to visit. For after the initial shock had dissipated, he found that he had way too much to think about.

His thoughts went in a very repetitive and predictable pattern; first Yumichika's shocked expression, then his scream and then going into a loop of what he'd said to cause the reaction.

For there was no doubt in his mind; it was his fault.

But no matter how many times he went through his words, he couldn't find what had been harsh enough to cause something like _that_. It didn't make sense.

Frustrated, he put an arm across his eyes and fisted the other on the front of his clothed abdomen. He must have fallen asleep, for he woke to the sound of something creaking. Opening his eyes and training them at the door he blinked in surprise as he saw a faint silhouette.

"Yumichika?" He asked hesitantly and pushed himself up on his elbows. Yumi closed the door before he tiptoed closer in silence. As he reached Ikkaku's futon he put one foot on either side of him and then seated himself, pushing Ikkaku down. Ikkaku was taken by surprise and when he tried to push his friend back, his arms where locked across his chest in a firm grip.

"Yumi?" He asked hesitantly as he stared up at him. Yumichika's eyes were hard to see in the dark and to make it all worse his long lashes cast shadows all around them.

"…me" Ikkaku jerked slightly in surprise at hearing Yumichika's voice and as the man cleared his throat he lay completely still, waiting.

"Please listen to me" Ikkaku listened to the hoarse plea and nodded silently.

"I'm sorry for not… speaking before. I couldn't… get the words out. Unohana-taichou said tha… that it was psychological. No injury to my throat. My body didn't listen." He made a pause as if at a loss for words before he continued.

"I tried… I didn't _want_ to stay silent."

"I understand and I'm sorry for acting like an asshole…" Ikkaku said, thinking that was what Yumichika wanted but, he just shook his head.

"Not your fault. Nor mine." He said and Ikkaku furrowed his brow.

"Then-"

"No. Listen. I have… to talk." Yumichika interrupted him and as though to reinforce his point he tightened his grip on Ikkaku's arms, staring down on his chest as he remained on all four above him, forcefully keeping him in place.

"_He_ is the one at fault. He… what he did…" Yumichika took a deep, shaky breath. Then he shook his head and began again.

"Did you read the report I wrote?" He asked and Ikkaku looked away before answering, a bit ashamed now.

"No…"

"I'll start… from the beginning then…" Yumichika said before he started his story.

He told of his capture and the few hours spent wondering what had become of him before he for the first time met his captor.

"He was a crook through and through. He didn't care who I was, all he cared for was that I was a shinigami. He held a grudge for something done to him in the past. He was an unpleasant person, but amongst the best out of the people there."

He then continued to talk back and forth about their "conversations", eventually leading up to beatings. Ikkaku forced himself to stay calm and listen. He had known that something bad had happened; he'd seen the scars after all. But hearing Yumichika waver as he spoke of them had him brimming with anger.

Yumichika carefully ploughed his way through his story, halting occasionally to clear his throat. His voice wasn't strong and Ikkaku had to strain to hear him at times, though he doubted Yumichika was aware of it.

"Then… I met _him._ I don't know who he is where he came from, but he gave me a bad feeling the moment I met him. He was… cold. Ruthless. When he arrived, the beatings stopped. Or rather, they changed. Everything changed… "

"What did he do to you Yumi?" Ikkaku had been angered by the things done to his friend, but the way Yumichika shook at just the mention of this someone, he knew something much worse was still in store for him to hear. There were yet _more_ things to ignite his fury. He forced calm upon himself for his friend's sake and urged Yumichika to continue silently.

"Do you know what torture is, Ikkaku?" Yumichika asked; his voice extremely soft.

"Of course I do." Ikkaku answered. Everyone knew what torture was. What he didn't like was that he was asked, for it could only mean one thing. The scars he'd seen when Yumichika came out of the bathroom once more popped into his mind but he pushed them away to listen to his friend.

"It's more than just pain, Ikkaku. It's more than just blood, gore and broken bones to get information out of someone." Ikkaku frowned for he didn't know what Yumichika was going to say next. According to him, torture was very much hurting someone for the pleasure of it or getting information. What more could there be to it?

Yumichika's explanation would come to change Ikkaku's view on torture for the rest of his life, for he would never have thought of it in this light had he not listened to his story.

"It's humiliation."Yumichika said softly, a pained look entering his eyes for Ikkaku to catch a glimpse of from beneath lowered lashes.

"Being at the mercy of someone else, bowing down stripped of all dignity. They horribly mutilate your body while you are unable to protect it from the harm inflicted upon it." A silent pause, then:

"It's not the pain that breaks a man during torture. It's his pride." He said this brokenly, his body shaking and his fists clenching around Ikkaku's wrists.

"It was so humiliating Ikkaku. I was helpless. I couldn't fight back. All I could do was keep the satisfaction of hearing me scream from him. For so long, I stayed strong. I didn't utter a word."

Ikkaku wanted to comfort his friend but was afraid that any move from him now would be taken as provocative. And he didn't know how Yumichika would react in this state. So he continued to stay silent as Yumichika shakily continued his story.

"He began the torture with whippings, cuts and systematic beatings. He knew exactly were to strike to get the worst pain, how much force to apply. He didn't do it the way the other men did. They had just pummeled me, not caring where they hit as long as they got the satisfaction of impact. He… he did it in such a coldhearted and calculating way. Of course, he didn't do it all himself. Often he would have someone else do it as he instructed them... During these times, he would say things. Cruel, hateful things…" Yumichika once more paused, catching his breath before he continued.

"But I think… the worst was when he took out the iron. He showed it to me, searing yellow and white, before he went behind me where I couldn't see. I could only wait for it to make contact with my skin. He had me waiting, dreading it. The waiting was enough to leave me trembling, yet when he pressed it against my skin… I can't describe the feeling. It was cold, yet searing hot at the same time. It just hurt so much." His body shook violently at this point but he kept forcing the words out.

"All I could think was '_Don't scream. Don't beg. Stay strong. Stay silent'. _If I hadn't, I would have broken. I would have screamed and begged at him to stop. I would have told him anything he wanted just to make it stop, even if it was as likely that he would kill me as it was that he would continue with the torture just for his sick pleasure!" He spat out the last few words, hate lacing his voice.

"And do you know what he told me? He said that I must like it. That my refusal to scream out was out of shame at the pleasure I felt at the pain. He… he said I'm just like him… That I loved inflicting pain on others, a monster reveling in blood and-!" Yumichika's voice had been rising in volume and Ikkaku felt the panic rising in the body above him.

"He's wrong!" Ikkaku interrupted him fiercely. He wouldn't let Yumichika think like that about himself! How dare that man implant such thoughts into _his_ friend's mind!

"Yes, I told myself so over and over, but when we trained and against those hollows, I… I wanted to kill! I felt exhilarated at the prospect of bloodletting at my hands, wished pain upon them, upon _you_!"

"Those aren't your own thoughts. Stop listening to them, you aren't like that." Ikkaku insisted angrily.

"I _wasn't _Ikkaku. I _wasn't _like that. But after what he's done to me, how can I deny it? As I cut them down at my escape, I wanted to laugh at the sight of their miserable corpses!"

"Stop!" Ikkaku shouted at his friend and finally forced one of his arms free to grab onto Yumichika's shoulder, staring into the depths of his dark eyes.

"That wasn't you. It was what had been done to you. You _aren't_ what they've made you. You are yourself and yourself only!" His voice was firm and Yumichika looked into the depths of his eyes, looking for any sign of hesitation. He found nothing but strong confidence and searing anger. It frightened him, but he realized that the anger wasn't directed at him, but at his captors.

"They died and you survived, so the victory is yours. Don't let their influence destroy that victory. You're stronger than that." As Ikkaku refused to look away, forcing his point, Yumichika found all resistance fruitless.

He was alive, so he had won? He hadn't thought of it in that light before. All this time, he had considered himself a victim. He wasn't. Not anymore.

And with that realization, Yumichika found himself slumping against his friend, all energy lost in a matter of seconds. Ikkaku let him fall down so he rested against his chest and then wrapped an arm across his back and tangled his fingers in the short strands at the back of Yumichika's head.

"Can I ask you something?" Ikkaku asked and Yumichika nodded, dreading the question and yet wanting to hear it.

"Is _he_ dead?"Ikkaku asked in a barely restrained voice. There was no doubt who he was talking about.

"He escaped." Yumichika shook his head as he said this, regret warping his hoarse voice.

"You'd better kill him next time you see him."

"I will" Yumichika answered simply. There was no other words necessary, their short exchange told more to them than they would a stranger.  
That Ikkaku trusted him to kill his tormentor himself proved the trust he had in his abilities, and that meant more than a promise to kill in order to protect him and his tattered honor would.

But right now, during this moment of uncharacteristic weakness, Yumichika would rather hear a vow to be protected than trust in his abilities to be the one to stand and fight. He wanted to be cared for, protected from harm like a child. For just a moment, he wanted to be promised safety and unconditional devotion.

It was a selfish thought and he knew he would be grateful for the words Ikkaku had told him when he was better again. For he wasn't well. He was far from healed yet. Feeling weak and miserable, drained, he curled up a bit, burying his head in the crook of Ikkaku's neck.

"It's all good." Ikkaku said silently as he moved his fingers in small, soothing circles against his friend's scalp.

_I won't let them hurt you as long as I'm close. And I won't let you out of my sight._

Silence fell between them like a thick blanket. The conversation was left unfinished, like a dark ominous cloud hanging above them, but Ikkaku refused to bring it up again. He wouldn't make Yumichika go through with telling more of what had befallen him.

He knew he had been spared many gruesome details and to his shame, he was relieved. He didn't know what he'd have done should Yumichika have been more descriptive.

"Ikkaku…" Yumichika had tried to keep silent, but he just needed some sort of comfort. He didn't care if it was pity, he just needed _something_.

"Hmm?" Ikkaku queried quietly, dreading the thoughts that urged Yumichika to break the silence.

"I stayed strong, right? So please… don't hate me. Don't leave me behind…" Ikkaku tightened his grip around his friend before he weaseled his other arm out from between their bodies to wrap it as well around him.

"I said I was sorry about before, right? I won't leave you unless you absolutely want me to. And that will take some convincing. " He held him close and felt the soft trembling running through him.

"You still want me here, despite how broken I've become?" He whispered, holding on to him desperately. He couldn't take it if Ikkaku pushed him away now.

"_You need to speak to someone"_ Shihiro and Unohana had been right. He'd needed to tell someone in words. But what if Ikkaku despite his words thought it as annoying to have to take care of him like this?  
He wasn't beautiful anymore, with _that man's_ work marring his skin. There was only the companionship of years spent together to keep him at his side.

"I always want you here beside me. I don't want you to go off somewhere I don't know. And if you are broken I'll just have to put you back together, don't I?" The words seemed too deep to be his own and Yumichika faintly wondered where Ikkaku had taken the cheesy lines from. But the safety he'd searched for was in those words and he clung to them, praying they were true.

"You won't leave me?"

"Stop making me repeat myself. I said I won't leave you, and so I won't." A hint of annoyance could be heard in his voice and Yumichika tensed.

"I'm sorry" He whispered and Ikkaku groaned.

"I didn't mean it like that. I will repeat myself until you're happy. Just, can we push that off for tomorrow? It's late and I'm exhausted." Ikkaku pointed out and Yumichika nodded. He was also exhausted. But he didn't want to move for his bed, he felt so warm and safe where he was.

A thought surfaced in his sleepy mind. He wondered briefly if he was pushing his luck, but he decided to do it either way. He moved down slightly until his head rested above his bald companion's heart and closed his eyes listening to the reassuring thumping.

"Yumi?" Ikkaku was surprised as his friend moved until he could rest his head above his heart, still lying on top of him with his hands fisted in his clothes. He didn't react when he pushed at him, and after a moment he decided to give in.  
Yumichika had had a rough time and Ikkaku wasn't going to push him away after everything that had happened.

He settled more comfortably, mindful of the body on top of him, and stared up at the ceiling as he listened to his partner's slow breathing. He reveled in the warmth of his body so close to his and before he slipped into sleep he felt a stray thought surface.

_It's far more that I don't want him out of sight. I don't want him out of my arm's reach._

* * *

A/N: Sorry, but I am being evil again. This chapter had so much ground to cover that what I had planned for just couldn't fit in normally. I tried, but it didn't work.

The last part is almost done, there's just polishing left basically. It will be up when I get my health back in check so I can accurately correct it.

I've already spent a few fever induced hours correcting this chapter back and forth and don't have the energy to try anymore.

So please have a kind view on possible mistakes and remember the poll and reviewing.


	6. Hyacinth Purple

Sequel to Yarrow, the 1st story of Flower Dictionary  
Title: Hyacinth –Purple-  
Pairing: Byakuya x Hisana / Byakuya x Renji  
Summary: After Byakuya's and Renji's encounter in the Kuchiki estate, Byakuya snaps out of the worst of his slump. But the days after are still hard and he finds that he has someone he needs to ask for forgiveness before he can move on.  
Genres: Romance/Drama/Hurt & Comfort  
Warnings: Bittersweet, possibly slight OOC, graphic mentions of intercourse, lots of dialogue  
Rating: M

A/N: Since the highest ranked on the poll with 2 votes (cheers?) was Byakuya x Hisana/Renji, I wrote this. I already had it started before, but now I finished it.

It took time to correct and I am still sick, so I appologize for possible faults. If there is a big part not making sense, do point it out so I can correct it. I think I've covered most of it but you never know.

Flashbacks – Past tense, Byakuya pov, _italics__  
_Flashbacks speech – _**Bold italics  
**_~o~ Marks the beginning and end of flashbacks_**  
**_

* * *

Clouds were rolling in from the west, dark and heavy with rain. The air was heavy with it, but it wasn't the reason for the heavy silence at the Kuchiki estate. It was due to something entirely unrelated.

Something that wasn't all too well known was that tomorrow was the scheduled rehabilitation meeting for the clan leader and captain of the 6th division, Kuchiki Byakuya.

Depending on how the meeting went, the man would either return to duty or continue with his self-isolating home rest. Only a few people knew about this and thus it was only obvious that speculations circulated about the reasons for the clan leader's long isolation at home. It was well known that he had suffered grave injuries on a mission, but no details were known.

The rumors circulating had stopped when the interest faded and a time of silence had followed. As the young noble didn't show any inclination of returning to duty, the silence had turned tense and worried.

Then the silence had been breached with the visit of the 6th division's fiery lieutenant, Abarai Renji. No one seemed to know what had happened, but it was well known that the redhead had somehow angered the noble master to the point where he practically destroyed the room they had been in. Or at least, that was what the rumors said.

After that, the recently moody master actually seemed to get some of his old spirits back. He ate with his adoptive sister again, which was a great relief to the female, and he saw her off every morning. But other than that, there was no difference. Every now and again, visitors would arrive and the atmosphere would turn lighter for a while. But at the end of the day, as the visitors left, the suffocating blanket once more fell over the estate.

Now, the servants were past the point of gossiping about their master, instead somberly going about their duties, desperately trying to ignore the oppressive silence that seemed to emanate from the mansions very walls. Everyone was nervously waiting for news of whether the man would return to his usual routines, or not.

So in a way, you could say that the reason for the somber silence was in fact, ignorance.

* * *

The captain was at this moment seated on his veranda, overlooking the garden from his late wife's room. A serene silence cloaked him and his expression was still, no emotions fluttering across the sculpted features. The wind blew and it had his loose hair fluttering around his face.

Closing his eyes he gracefully smoothed a couple of stray strands from his face and tucked them behind his ear. He opened his eyes once more and looked at the approaching clouds.

"Is this a sign, I wonder?" He murmured and felt how the wind increased in strength as if in answer to his question. A faint smile played across his lips then, and he rose. His hair and clothes flied wildly in an exceptionally strong gust and he squinted against it to protect his silver eyes from any dust riding on the winds. A moment later the wind eased up and he took the chance to take one last look at the garden before he walked inside and returned to his chambers to redress.

Putting away his simple purple yukata, he dressed in his black shinigami attire and then took out his brush. He moved it carefully through his long silken tresses, careful of knots. When he was done and put the brush down he glanced at the beautifully crafted box holding his kenseikan. He hadn't worn them for quite some time now. Neither had he used his family scarf. None had adorned his features since that horrifying mission…

~o~

_I ran forward, following the trace of reiatsu and leaving my subordinates behind to take care of the captured escapees and the injured. I briefly considered contacting Renji about the change in my planned actions but decided against it. It wasn't worth the time it would take._

_As I ran across the dusty plain, the ground beneath me suddenly erupted with a burst. I was stunned momentarily and thrown to the ground but a moment later I rolled away and got to my feet. The world tilted dangerously and my ears rang like a choir of bells. _

_I ignored the discomfort of my failing senses, instead focusing on scanning my surroundings with every capable sense I possessed. A motion to my left warned me and I jumped forward before turning around, raising my arms as protection as an explosion erupted where I had stood but moments before. _

_Dust and stone particles flew into the air, obstructing my sight further and only my reiatsu sense warned me of the incoming blow from my attacker. _

"_**It seems**__** like you're quite aware of your surroundings even with this much**__** handicapping**__** hindrances."**__ The voice sounded faintly familiar but I dismissed it since I was fairly certain it was only due to having met the man before. He'd been a captain candidate after all, before he was thrown into the maggots nest. _

"_**I have no interest in conversing. Show yourself."**_

"_**Now why would I hive up the advantage of remaining hidden?"**__ A chuckle followed the question before another ex__plosion erupted close b__y. I jumped back from it and brought Senbonzakura out to block the blade that whistled through the air, almost masked by the ringing still resounding through my skull. _

"_**It is not much of an advantage if you don't know how to use it."**__ I observed indifferently as I finally came eye to eye with my enemy. My eyes widened in shock and I felt myself falter at the visage that met me._

"_**Wrong answer. **__**The element of surprise is the key."**__ The voice said, __and __I could now pinpoint its owner __and the face that stared at me was not that of an enemy, but of someone important to me. _

"_**I thought you knew better than to be taken by surprise like this.**__** I am disappointed, Byakuya." **__The words shocked me despite the knowledge that __he __couldn't be the one he __appeared to be__.__I couldn't help the shock that nearly sent my mind reeling._

'_**Father?**'_

~o~

In the end, Byakuya decided against using the noble accessories. He would put them on the day he was strong enough to once more carry the burden they symbolized. Until then, he would remain as he was. Taking one last look at himself in the mirror, Byakuya then turned and quietly left his quarters.

The wood underneath his feet gave no sound as he slowly traveled across them. The corridors seemed endless and throughout his whole walk, he met not a single soul. The servants seemed to have all but vanished. If he thought anything about that, he didn't show it.

It took time, but his feet continued to lead him towards his goal. When the familiar memorial garden came into view, he slowed his steps reverently. The wind had the grass and branches dancing and the subtle scents of the flowers washed over him as he went closer, finally entering the lush garden.

He passed bushes and small pots of plants until he finally came to the path leading to Hisana's memorial room. He walked along the stoned path in silence, surrounded by glorious flowers in full bloom.

At the end of the path he stopped and turned to the side. He watched the purple flowers before him and then gracefully reached out and touched their small petals. Sifting his hand through the cluster of flowers he then broke of a small branch. Carefully cradling the flowers in his hand he continued on his way.

He didn't hesitate before the sliding doors, instead opening them and walking inside and silently closed them behind him. He turned towards the small niche holding the picture and small altar and took a deep cleansing breath before he dropped the mask he'd held and openly crossed the floor, stopping to kneel down before his wife's picture.

"Hisana, I have come with a confession." He said and gazed at the smiling woman so very like his adopted sister.

He stayed silent for a moment to gather his thoughts, forming the sentences in his mind before he spoke them. When he spoke, he did so with a soft look of regret on his features.

"It has been many years since you left my side. Still I have not been able to forget you. Even now, you keep a part of my heart that I will never be able to reclaim and give to someone else. But no longer does the void you left behind envelope the whole of my heart, making me unable to feel compassion for another."

"For one, I have come to care for your sister like she really was of my own flesh and blood. She has grown on me and I no longer doubt the decision I made to protect her with my name and status. She is a sister to me in all ways that matter, and I dare say she returns my affections." He smiled softly as he told her about her little sister. She would have been proud of her, just like he was.

He told Hisana of how Rukia had recently started taking more responsibility for her division, that though she wasn't officially named so, she did the works of a seated officer. But he soon ran out of things to tell, for he hadn't heard much lately. He had been too absorbed inside his own misery to handle the world outside. And he told her so.

"Lately I have not been the strong and prideful man you knew, Hisana. I have felt the bitter taste of defeat and even the fear of dying, and it has changed me more than I would like to admit."

~o~

_Thunder rolled overhead and for a moment the sky was lit with white. Then the rain came. It felt like thousands of needles dipped in ice rained down on my battered body and their coldness turned the throbbing pain of my wounds into blazing fires. _

_Struggling to stay conscious as signals of pain exploded from every nerve in my body I clawed at the darkness at the edges of my vision. I tried to move, but as I did I felt warm liquid stream up my throat from my insides. I coughed and swallowed as blood tried to flood my mouth, forcing it down to whence it came from. _

_Flashing overhead was another bolt of lightning and when the rumble came I couldn't tell if it was the thunder I heard or my own breath rattling in my chest. My fingers were growing numb even as I struggled to move my arm to reach for the small communication device in my pocket._

_I knew I needed to get help, but I couldn't help but hesitate as the thought of letting anyone see me in this disheveled and broken state entered my mind. But if I didn't, I knew I would die. The thought chilled me and I shivered, tearing at my injuries and feeling blood spill anew. The world tilted around me as I rolled my head to the side, not caring how mud instantly stained my face as getting the new puddle of blood out of my mouth was the only concern I could muster enough energy to accomplish. _

~o~

"I have realized my own weakness and it has been hard on me. It seems so easy to say now that I have changed and that's it, but it's so much harder. Every decision I make fills me with doubt and every time I lay awake at night I wonder if I will wake the next morning. Death has never been something that has frightened me. Being a shinigami, I have been prepared to lay down my life. But…"

~o~

"_**What a pathetic sight**__" A voice said and I tried to pinpoint the owner of it. Unable to muster enough energy to move my head I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing that had become erratic from my struggles. _

"_**Are you ignoring me?"**__ The voice asked then with a slight quirk of mirth to it and I couldn't help but find it familiar. But my thoughts were clouded and as my eyes were closed I felt myself slipping away. Sternly pulling myself back to awareness I found the person crouched in front of me, my communicator dangling in a pale hand. _

"_**Your friends should be on their way here now."**__ At my quizzical look I received a small chuckle falling from narrow lips. _

"_**It wouldn't be any fun if you died now, would it? Much better you die when you're all alone in this world, your life scattered in pieces around you and all you can do is begging for it all to end."**_

~o~

"It was the words of the man who so easily could have killed me that frightened me. And the worst was seeing it spoken through the façade of my deceased father." The memory of that beloved face, smiling as it stared down at him in glee still haunted his sleep. It had been the worst kind of blow his enemy could have dealt him. Though it had been an illusion, it had been so real. He shuddered slightly and swallowed before he picked up where he'd left off.

"It made me realize I had so much in this world that needed me to stay here. What would happen to Rukia should I pass away? Would the Kuchiki elders accept my decision of adopting her, or revoke it and throw her out?"

"There is no suitable candidate yet for my position as head of the clan nor as captain of the 6th and I have hundreds of people expecting me to live a long and prosperous life. There are so many things left for me in this world." He fell silent, contemplating his own words. Once he started, the rest had only flowed out. They had come so naturally, almost as though they came from the heart.

"Though I say all these things, I have already failed many of the expectations put in me even after surviving. I have not been a brother worthy of Rukia's respect since my discharge. I didn't even _attempt_ to speak to her. I pushed her, along with everyone else, away from me. I did not even visit you. All because of the irrational fear that Soujun was still alive and that I had been lied to. That everything was a scheme to protect a child from the horrifying truth of his father gone traitor!" Byakuya regretted his actions, and speaking of them aloud gave the shame ground to grow.

"It was an irrational fear. They would have told me when I became the head of the family if something like _that_ had happened. They wouldn't have been able to keep it a secret for it would be known by the other captains. I was stupid even to consider it. Yet I couldn't help but distance myself for fear of being burned should I get close to anyone…"

_Just like I was burned by you._ It was left unsaid for he wouldn't accuse her. Wetting his dry lips slightly, he forced the hurt away and continued. He had much more to say.

"But even before this, I have failed those I claim to cherish. Most of all I have failed my clan. Though I know my duties to my clan, my house and family, I have purposefully failed their expectations. Even before I isolated myself, I hid behind your image so I would not have to marry, for I always believed you took my love and desire with you when you left this world."

"And though I have been pressured repeatedly into giving way for another in my life for the sake of the continuation of my line, I have refused them. I clung to you like a child and it's only recently that I have realized it. In you, I suspect I searched for the mother that died and left me behind. That was why my love for you remained so innocent. And why it hurt me so much to be told you didn't love me." He swallowed again. He'd never brought this up before. He had never spoken of his pain to anyone. Speaking of it awakened that pain and he felt a single tear wet his cheek.

"After your death, I thought that my ability to feel compassion and love died with you. That my heart lay frozen and cold since the day of your departure, and forever would."

"But I was wrong. It was not as dead as I had thought. At the time when I almost let your our sister be executed, I felt it stir. I was troubled and tried to ignore it, but it would not be refused." Lifting his hand to his face, he stroked away the single wet track before he continued, his voice quivering softly.

"And a little over a month ago, when I lay bleeding on the ground, it proved to me that I truly was alive. It beat hard in my chest, fear coursing through me at the prospect of really dying. And at the hand of someone I loved even if that man wasn't who he appeared to be. During that time, when I was at my weakest, I felt my heart cry out for someone, _anyone_ to save me." Byakuya lowered his gaze for a moment, having troubles speaking of these things aloud for the shame.

"I don't know if I can say someone answered its call, but I was saved. Renji, my lieutenant and maybe even friend, _saved me_. He brought me back. And not only from the battlefield but also from the isolation I entered while recovering from my injuries."

"And it is here my confession truly starts. This is hard for me to admit, but he stirred in me feelings I thought long dead. Self-loathing and hate, but more than anything, desire." Byakuya could not look at the portrait as he said this.

Shame coursed through him, yet he could not deny that he had desired, and still did, the feel of that strong body ravishing his own.

It was nothing like the innocent and timid first love he'd felt for his late wife. No, it was pure _desire_. He longed for the heat of the carnage pleasure he'd indulged in for but one evening.

~o~

"_**Oh really now?**__" __I __said before crushing __our__ lips together again, this time being met furiously by __my__ lieutenant. Renji instantly pressed back against __me __and slipped a hand up to __my__ waist, finding one of __my__ sensitive spots quickly. _

_I gasped and felt something deliriously hot and wet enter my mouth. I pressed back against the tongue with my own, for once relishing in the battle that started between us. At the same time, I moved one of my hands up to Renji's hair and let the long strands down, fisting them and angling both our heads for a deeper more intense stance._

_A moment later, I dominated my redheaded opponent and followed the retreating muscle into the hot cavern it inhabited, mapping out the slick orifice. But I soon retreated and coaxed the tongue into play once more. _

_Then I gave a surprised yelp as I felt hands on either side of my lower thighs before I experienced a feeling of vertigo as the world tilted. Through reflex I locked my arm that was already around Renji's neck and straightened myself. Feeling Renji so close to me, I wrapped my legs around his waist and steadied myself, trying to regain my composure at the same time. _

_I felt the hands move underneath my clothes to grab my bare thighs, and with a soft indignant growl I forced my lieutenant's tongue to submit again. Though I wouldn't deny Renji the entirety of my body, I wasn't going to play submissive. _

~o~_  
_

Byakuya shivered slightly at the memory and took several calming breaths before he trusted his voice enough to continue.

"He woke in me a maddening heat that I couldn't deny. I wanted him fiercely in a way I have not desired anyone before, not even you. It affected me the more since I had wanted to reject _everyone _before that. So when the sudden impulse of wanting him hit me, I didn't have any defenses"

He swallowed thickly and the memory of what he'd wanted and received forced its way into his mind.

~o~

_I gasped as I was suddenly slammed into a hard surface, Renji pressing me into it and whispering hotly into my sensitive ear:_

"_**We'll simply have to do with what we've got then**__" The words sent a shiver of anticipation through __me__ and the next thing __I__ knew, those hot lips caressed the skin __of my__ nec__k and more weight was put on me__ as Renji __further __leaned against __me__. The feeling of being trapped should have ignited __my__ pride or fighting instincts, and yet, __I__ just wanted more. __I felt an indescribable feeling of wanting__ to be dragged down to earth, no longer high in the clouds on a pedestal. _

_I was impatient to feel more of these feelings Renji woke in me and squeezed my legs after lowering my head to the man's neck, burying it in the red locks. Almost instantly I felt the hands that had been groping my thighs move higher until they reached my fundoshi. I felt my face flush as those calloused hands removed the cloth before a finger prodded my back entrance. _

_As the finger wiggled its way inside, I gave a soft gasp that I barely managed to muffle in the clothed shoulder by my mouth. It was different from anything I'd felt before, but different didn't necessarily equal bad. I kept still as Renji pressed another finger inside. It definitely felt different now. My body wanted to keep the intrusive digits out, but they were insistent and slowly moved in unpredictable patterns inside me. _

"_**I can't wait anymore**__" Th__e words were the only warning I__ re__ceived but it was enough for me to expect the next event. I__ felt Ren__ji fumble for a moment before I felt my__ hips being angled. Then the __pulsin__g hot member pressed against me and I__shuddered as I clearly __felt how __my__ muscles gave __way __for it. _

_But not willingly. _

_It burned as it slowly penetrated me and I hissed in discomfort. I didn't like it. Wanting the feeling to go away I forced myself flat against my lieutenant, taking him inside in one swift motion. I winced as the muscles of my rectum one after the other gave ground, making the descent jerky and painful. _

_But I persisted; this was nothing like the pain of battle. I knew death and this was nothing in comparison…_

~o~_  
_

With a mental effort, Byakuya pushed the memory as well as the feeling it ignited away. He was in front of his dead wife now and would not disgrace her further. This was a memorial place for god's sake! He reigned himself in firmly and continued with his speech.

"I wanted his body. It did not matter that he was male; it just made it all the more alluring. He had always been wild and though predictable, intriguing. He was someone I couldn't dominate. There has never been anything but hard feeling between us before, but now I wonder if we have not crossed that border into something deeper. I do not say I love him, for that is not true. You still hold my heart. But he is dear to me all the same."

~o~

"_**Captain, have you spoken about this to anyone else?**__" Renji asked and I __shook __my __head silently. _

"_**As if they'd believe me. I'm not even certain you will.**__" __I__ said __somberly __and wrapped __the plaid more tightly around __m__y__self__, trying to keep more than the cold away from myself__. _

"_**This may be hard to understand, but I would never look down on something coming directly from the heart.**__" Renji said quietly and __I __felt __my __heart give an extra beat. Did he really believe __me__? Could it be true?_

"_**You believe me?**__" __I __was unable to keep the incredulity out of __my__ voice and __my eyes were wide as I stared at my redheaded lieutenant. _

"_**I do believe you.**__" Renji answered seriously. __And even though I stared into his eyes as piercingly I could, he didn't look away. Instead, it was as if my soul was the one pierced._

"_**How can you say that when you don't know me?**__" I__ asked and felt__ my__ voice get deeper as __I__ attempted to choke down the feelings that wanted to break free.__ I couldn't and shouldn't be emotional.__It's just the alcohol messing with me. __I mustn't get my hopes up._

"_**I know you as a captain.**__"The words had __me __sigh__ing__ before a small __twisted smile broke out on my features__. He does know me as a captain…_

~o~_  
_

"When I isolated myself, I refused to converse with him even when he came to speak to me. It would most likely never have led anywhere had I not been drinking the second evening he came. When he spoke to me that time, I let some things slip that I normally wouldn't. I was a mess, mentally and emotionally. But he wasn't discouraged by my behavior; in fact, he forced me to see the stupidity of it. He even dared to slap me." A small smile curled his lips at the remembrance of this particular memory. He had been so surprised. In comparison to the heavy emotions that had dominated his mid for the fast month and a half, the amusement he felt at it was light like a ray of sunlight.

"I was so shocked, I guess I snapped. I pushed him up against the wall and thinking back on the things I said, I have no idea what got into me. And neither do I know why, but suddenly I realized I wanted to kiss him. And when I did, he said to be careful lest he wanted more. He taunted me and I couldn't resist falling for it." Byakuya fell silent and searched inside himself for the right words. No matter how he said this, it wouldn't make it sound better. There was no need to sugarcoat it; he knew in his heart what he had to say.

"In the end, I let him take me there in that room, right against the door. In a moment of alcohol induced courage, I let myself fall to temptation."

~o~

_I hissed due to the rough penetration, but it was my own fault so I couldn't really complain. _

"_**Are you okay?**__" Renji asked __me __and __I was annoyed at him for asking. It wasn't like I was made of __glass;__ I could handle this amount__ of pain__ way better than he would._

_Showing my displeasure I dug my nails into his back and growled at him to stop talking before I bit down on his ear to give him a hint. I heard Renji growl before any thoughts I had were lost as the member inside of me moved. I released Renji's ear to so that I could bury my face in his neck again. _

_But almost the exact moment I put my head there, Renji bit my shoulder in retaliation to my previous bite and I growled in an intimidating manner. How dare he mark me? I felt like retaliating but couldn't find enough of my mind to do so. _

_I realized I was getting lightheaded and decided that I needed more oxygen. I threw my head back and panted loudly, gritting my teeth as Renji gave a particularly well aimed thrust. Damn him, driving me this far!_

_I refused to scream out, but in order to keep myself under control I had to let out deep moans from the depths of my chest. Why? Because otherwise I'd choke on all the sounds wanting to burst out._

_But still, I wasn't quite there. I needed something more…_

_I don't know how Renji knew it, but he suddenly gave me exactly what I subconsciously wanted by starting to pump my arousal. _

_The groan I let out at the feeling had Renji give a thrust out of rhythm and it made me realized that it must be affecting him. Keeping that thought in mind, I tried to find more ways to pleasure my fiery partner. I clenched down on him and though it was a bit hard and resulted in my vision nearly blacking for a moment at the harsh thrust Renji did to fight the tightness, the result had me grinning like a madman._

_For a moment our eyes met and I saw the fighting spirit in those dark eyes ignite and he increased his ministrations to my arousal. I moaned while keeping eye contact and saw the flush on his skin darken further. We continued trying to outwit each other; it was almost like a competition. _

_I decided that I wanted to win it, and followed a sudden impulse resulting in a pleasure filled mewling sound that to my surprise had Renji coming right away. A moment later I myself was dragged over the edge and this time the world really did black out for a moment. _

_But it wasn't unpleasant, quite the opposite. It was incredible._

~o~_  
_

"Though I should be ashamed, I do not regret sleeping with him. I have denied myself physical contact at all costs over the years so the intensity of this encounter was like none other. That I was at the receiving end and it was rougher than any intercourse I have been part of also added to the experience." He blushed as he realized what he'd just told her, and apologized after attempting to school his features.

"Hisana, I apologize for telling you these shameful things, but I just needed to let these thoughts out."

"I only have a few things left to tell you, and I beg that you listen. Though you never loved me, I do know you cherished me in your own way and for that, I thank you." He was having trouble speaking now as he neared the end but he glanced down at the flower he still held in his hands. The pale purple flowers looked up at him and he lifted them to his face, inhaling their soft scent before placing them before her picture.

"I offer you these flowers. They are purple hyacinths. Their solemn message is not unknown to me." Swallowing once more he said the words that would forever change the course of his life.

"I apologize to you Hisana, for I can no longer live alone in the memory of what we were. Please forgive me my weakness, and forgive me for walking into the arms of another. "

He bowed deeply as he apologized and then rose and gazed down at her picture.

"Know that a big part of my heart is still yours, and always will be. But I no longer have the strength to continue without the touch of another. Though it may still be too early for me, or maybe too late, I need to try and find someone I can trust with the part of my heart I take back today."

He turned away and walked across the room, feeling both regret and relief as he reached the door and opened it. Casting one last glance behind him, he gave her one last sentence coming directly from the depths of his heart, before he left to reassume the life waiting for him beyond the doors made of wood and painted canvas.

"I am sorry, Hisana."

* * *

**Purple Hyacinth – I'm sorry, please forgive me**

**"_Though it's easy to hurt with a single word, there is no single word that can undo that hurt."_**

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this fic. I think it added depth to the story before it, Yarrow, since it explained properly just why the mission broke Byakuya mentally. Having to fight your father, even if it is just an illusion, must be extremely hard. I think Byakuya was deeply affected by his father's death when he was young and kind of admires him like a hero, so being implanted thoughts of betrayal like that... shit I feel bad for doing this to him!

I honestly didn't plan it from the beginning; it just suddenly made sense like a burst of lighting.

I don't know what you think, but I love this idea I've sprouted. It made me look on the entire fic in a whole new light.

**Please Read:**

About Amaryllis (Ikkaku x Yumichika)

Should I let it stay ended as it is?  
Should I just give an ending, ignoring the scene I want to put in?  
Or should I put this whole story to the side of this collection and make it a multi-chapter?

Please answer as fast as possible through a review or pm!


	7. Adam's Needle

5th Story of Flower Dictionary  
Title: Adam's needle  
Main characters: Kyouraku & Ukitake  
Warnings: Mentions of death, light psychological, light angst, fluff, light innuendo  
Genre: Hurt & Comfort/Friendship/Family/Angst  
Summary: Set in the academy days, Kyouraku finds himself urged by his intuition to find out what's happened to his friend Ukitake. Learning about his friend's problems, he does what any good friend does; he offers a helping hand.

A/N: Remind me never to write a fic in small pieces here and there to put together later on… It's hell.

Most of this was written when I really shouldn't have been writing. It may be rough around the edges and lack a bit of the usual finesse, but I hope you enjoy.

* * *

Kyouraku Shunsui POV

The sun was high on the sky and fluffy-looking white clouds sailed the wide blue sea called the sky. The wind blowing strongly and the happy chirping of birds filled the air and together with the soft scents of grass and rich earth it made the perfect set for a relaxing day.

That the teachers and prefects were most likely out looking for me and that I would earn yet another reprimand for my behavior was not nearly enough to cloud my good mood. A warm fuzzy feeling was spread throughout my limbs, like soaking in perfectly tempered water or holding a woman to my chest, her breath tickling my skin; it was that type of feeling. The feeling I loved the most.

I closed my eyes and gave a content sigh, swapping places of my legs so the right rested above the left one as I lay on my back on the grassy hill somewhere behind the academy.

The day was supposed to go on like this; perfect weather and nothing to worry about. Something like this wasn't supposed to happen. I had returned to the last afternoon class and was walking through the hallways on my way back to the dorms when I walked into him. His short white hair stood slightly on end and I was about to crack a joke about this usually neat friend of mine when I saw the crestfallen look on his face.

Crestfallen wasn't quite right, but it was close. His eyes were slightly red and puffy and his mouth which usually held a smile so full of absolute kindness that could easily turn people's eyes away from a pleading puppy was instead in the form of a tight line. He looked pale but not in the way that indicated a relapse into sickness, it was more of fright paleness. It was rather shocking to say the least.

"Hey, Ukitake" I said to my fellow schoolmate with a slightly worried frown surely etched on my brow. I put my hand out and stopped him before he could pass me and then turned him toward me so we stood face to face. Bright eyes met mine before they distractedly changed target, looking past me.

"Ah, Kyouraku-san, I apologize. I didn't see you there." The pale haired man said and he sounded apologetic as though he'd just run into someone. He must have been very focused on something to not have noticed me there, and I felt that there was more to it than that. I had that feeling again.

Yama-jii liked to call it intuition but it truly felt like an itch I couldn't reach. But whatever it was, it indicated that something was definitely off.

"Did something happen?" I asked and saw the air go out of the man before me. His shoulders slumped and he didn't even pretend to be fine to not have me worried. Something was _definitely_ off.

"Yes, but I don't want to speak about it. Not right now." Ukitake looked up at me with a pained and pleading look and there was no way I could refuse his request to let it be. So without inquiring further, I silently let my hands slip from where I had placed it on Ukitake's shoulder and watched him flash me a relieved look before he passed me and disappeared down the hallway from where I'd just come.

This day that had started so well didn't seem so bright anymore. It was surprising how quickly things changed. I thought this as I stared after him, continuing even after he'd disappeared from sight.

Shrugging and trying to ignore the insistent itch at the back of my mind, I continued on my way and once I reached the quiet quarters, seated myself on the bed I had in the hall I shared with five others. Not having much to do, I decide to take a nap to pass the time. Worry still bothered me but I ignored the feeling and drifted off until I was woken by my roommates a couple of hours later to be invited to a night of games and drinking, everything in secret of course.

I spent the night drinking and fooling around like nothing was wrong. But when I returned to bed, I realized I hadn't escaped the feeling that something horrible had happened, or was going to happen.

* * *

The next day I went to the first lesson and almost instantly took note that Ukitake wasn't there. A couple of people quietly discussed this fact but I simply gave his empty seat a glance before I shrugged it off. It wasn't like I didn't care; I just couldn't do anything about it just then. Better wait to see if he'd turned in sick or something. Then I could smuggle some sake in to him and cheer him up.

Soon enough the class started as Yamamoto Genryuusai, the founder and teacher of the academy walked in. Everyone got to their seats and waited.

"I see that more than Ukitake Juushiro are missing. I expect you to inform the following about their appointment at my office this afternoon: Suzuki Shunko, Fujimoto Tatsumi, Hayakawa Masahiro and Yukimura Ichiro. Having a hangover is not an excuse for skipping class and I expect you to learn from them to take drinking in moderation and outside of working hours." His words held steel on the last piece and a few students exchanged guilty glances. I wasn't one of them; I simply grinned lazily and waited for the class to start.

After an hour of tactics, we went out for the two hour endurance training. I stretched together with the others, knowing I would have to train for at least half of the time before I could sneak of and see what ailed my friend.

He hadn't wanted to speak about it yesterday, but today I was cursing my choice of letting him walk away.

But in the end, I wasn't able to make my quiet escape. The trainer keeping track of us this time was quite the diligent one. It wasn't until lunch came around that I was able to sneak off in search for Ukitake.

The problem that occurred now was that I couldn't find him no matter how hard I looked for him. After searching every possible place I could think of, I had finally come to the conclusion that he must be away from the seireitei. It was possible he'd gone back to his family estate located in the west, but for what reason I couldn't fathom.

That itch made itself known again and I scratched my head uselessly. Something had better not happened to him.

* * *

It was well over a week later that I next saw him. He was walking beside Yama-jii across the training field. And the only reason I noticed this was that I had a window seat in the classroom and happened to be slacking off.

I was relieved to see him back and the decision to go see him later was made without any mental effort. As soon as the lesson ended I left to see if he had returned to his room yet. Seeing as he hadn't, I left and decided to return later.

Next time I came to check, he wasn't there either and with a sigh I went to eat dinner before going to bed. Together with a few friends we went to a bar after eating and we drank ourselves silly. Not much of that night stayed in my memory when next I woke, I found myself on the floor next to the wall in my room.

Sitting up I saw that the beds where empty and I had to guess my roommates had somehow dragged themselves up this morning and forgotten to drag me up. Judging by the intensity of the light filtering in from the window and the amount of pain it brought to my skull, I estimated it to be about midday, the day after 3 bottles of sake.

"Oh well, looks like I'm in trouble with Yama-jii again." I mused out loud and then rubbed a hand over my face.

After a well needed shower I headed for the old man's office, knowing he would expect me. I was about to knock on the door when it opened and Ukitake exited. His expression was a bit ashamed and when he saw me he turned away and left. I was about to follow but Yamamoto would have none of that.

"The door is this way, Kyouraku." He pointed out and I laughed a little before I cast one last look after my friend and then entered the office. The doors closed behind me and though I'd seen it happen before, it was still as unnerving.

Moving to stand before his desk I readied my apology.

"Sorry Yama-jii, looks like drinking got a little out of hand yesterday."

"That's the 3rd time this term. I think you know your punishment by now. Off you go, I expect a proper letter of apology on my desk by the end of the week. And no, although your gift last time was quite interesting, bribes will not get you out of this one boy."

"I would never go as low as bribery. Do you really think of me so poorly?" I joked and he sent me a silent exasperated look that told me to get out before he gave me something worse as a punishment than 10 laps around the academy grounds and a week's cleaning duty in the warehouses.

Realizing his mood was pretty foul I waved a casual goodbye and left, making my way to Juushiro's room once more. And this time, he really was there.

A moment after I knocked on the door, he opened and peeked out.

"Hey, Ukitake. Mind if I come in?" I asked, a bit subdued by his careful and downcast mannerism.

"Sure, welcome" He answered after a short hesitation and pushed the door wide open, letting me inside. I walked in and seated myself on the floor, looking over at him. He was standing by the closed door still, his face barely visible from this angle due to his white hair.

"Why don't you come and sit?" I suggested and he turned to look at me before he nodded and walked over, sitting down on his knees, his hands on his thighs in a tense position.

A moment of silence fell between us, but I kept my expression and aura calm. I suspected he had something he wanted to talk about, judging by the way he refused to look at me and kept tormenting his lower lip between his teeth.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" He finally asked and meet my gaze, and I smiled, putting as much sincerity into my answer as possible.

"Of course, Ukitake"

"My mother died" He stated bluntly and I blinked, staring wide-eyed at him afterwards. I couldn't help but stay silent, dumbfounded, for a moment. But eventually I found my voice.

"My condolences" I said and Ukitake nodded.

"I learned of it last week. It's been a mess ever since. Just hearing it was stressful enough, but now that I've gotten some time to think, I realize it's so much more than I initially thought." He fell silent for a moment before he continued.

"She is dead, _gone_. That means I have to become the head of my family. I have to take care of my siblings and I have to take care of the estate. It's too sudden."He buried his head in his hands as he spoke and sounded so desperate and I didn't know what to do. I did the only thing I could think of and moved across the floor until I could wrap an arm around his shoulders and pull him close. I silently mulled over the news trying to analyze the situation.

"I'm sorry; I don't know what to say." It was lame, but I couldn't find any words that would make him feel better. Hopefully, just being here would be enough.

"It's fine, I didn't expect anything really. Just, you listened to me once when I really needed you. Please do that again. That's all I ask."

"Anytime, Ukitake. I mean it." I said sincerely and tightened my hold for a moment before I relaxed again and started to rub his arm soothingly. Silence followed and I closed my eyes, Ukitake leaning against my chest, his hands now clasped together in his lap.

"Kyouraku, I have to drop out of the academy." He finally admitted and I tensed, snapping my eyes open.

"Why would you do that?" I asked and Ukitake moved back from me, refusing to meet my eyes.

"My family, they need me. I can't just abandon them and stay here studying. I don't know what I can do for them as it is, but I have to do something."

"Dropping out won't make much difference and you know it. Yama-jii will get upset. And speaking of the old man, have you spoken to him about this already?" Ukitake nodded and dragged his sleeve across his cheek, evidently drying of a stray tear.

"I have and he told me not to make anything rash. He would understand if I needed time, but he didn't want me to leave. I was to return to him once I was more collected." More collected… Just what did you do to make the old man give you that kind of order? I shook unnecessary thoughts from my mind and quietly told my friend what I had to tell him, for his own sake, and mine.

"I think you should follow his advice." But Ukitake didn't seem to accept the words. He bit his lip slightly and then shook his head before looking at me with a lost expression I had never seen before.

"I don't know what to do anymore… It's such a mess! Ever since father died and our house started falling she'd been driving herself into the bottle. I knew it was falling apart, but I thought if I just went through with Yamamoto-sensei's teachings, it would be fine! I'd be able to serve him and regain some of the family honor! Mother could be happy again and my siblings could be proud to wear the Ukitake name. Mother could stop looking at me like I'm already dead to her…" He choked and pursed his lips to hold back a sob, wiping his eyes with his sleeve repeatedly, like a child trying to hide the evidence. It was a heartbreaking sight to behold.

"But it's too late now. She's dead and I'm not fit to lead the house, and I can't support my siblings. All I can do is try and be there for them, help them… But I can't even do that reliably due to my illness! What am I to do, Kyouraku? What can I do other than return, to at least be by their side as everything falls apart?" His voice cracked and he buried his face in his hands once more. Instinctively I pulled him close and hid his tear streaked face against my chest.

"Calm down, this isn't like you. The Ukitake Juushiro I know is calm and collected and won't lose heart even when horribly sick or hurt. You can do better. See past the initial problem and see what your options are." I spoke calmly and gently stroked his back as I did so.

"I don't have any options! The money is trickling away and if I can't do anything soon, I'll have to start selling of the estates belongings. I have to be by their side, it's my duty as the older brother to protect them-" He raised his voice as he spoke and I cut him off before he could go into an unreasonable tirade.

"But you can't protect them like this! Listen, if everything really is as bad as you make it out to be, I'll see what I can do. My household isn't poor off and I'll gladly lend you money to keep your family together."

"I can't do that! I can't just borrow money from a friend like that; it's not fair on you!" He protested and tried to push me away, but I refused to budge.

"I want to help you, and it won't be fair on me if you refuse simply because of your stubbornness. I don't want you to leave the academy. I care for you." Trying to make him understand how much his friendship meant to me, I tightened my hold affectionately before I released him so he could look at me. I found him looking back at me with a desperate look on his face.

"I may never be able to repay you, you know? What then? Your family won't agree to something like this, it doesn't bring any profit at all to save a minor noble house!"

"I will make them help. I'm going to inherit the leadership someday so what if I make a couple of decisions before my time?"

"You're crazy. I can't do that…" His voice trickled off until he was silent. When next he spoke, he sounded tired more than angry and it worried me.

"I can't do that Kyouraku. I'll try and find another way, but I just can't make you do that. It's not right."

"I've told you, it doesn't matter if it's right or not. You-"

"Thank you, Kyouraku." He interrupted me and smoothly ended the discussion by stealing whatever words I might have had with a sad but grateful smile. Sighing, I ruffled his hair.

Why won't you let me help you?

I didn't voice the question out loud, but I knew it hung between us, unvoiced. There was an answer there as well, but I didn't know what it was. Pride, perhaps.

My hand slipping from his hair to land on his shoulder, he looked up at me and opened his mouth as if to say something, but changed his mind. Or maybe he didn't, for he opened his mouth again, this time going through with saying whatever was on his heart.

"Kyouraku… I need to speak to Yamamoto-sensei… but I'm afraid he's still upset with me…." He fell silent and looked away with a small blush on his face.

"Just what could have made that old fart angry at you?" I mused out loud and I saw the amount of blood in his face increase, the red growing darker on his cheeks.

"W-Well… Don't call him that, Kyouraku!" He stuttered and I chuckled.

"Sorry, sorry! But hey, how about we both go and talk to Yama-jii in a few days? You can tell him about your problems then, and we'll work it out together with him. Though I warn you, he is even more stubborn than I, and he won't let you leave that easily. You have great potential after all." I winked and was greeted with a relieved smile.

"I… thank you. We can do that." He wiped his eyes one last time and then rose and went over to the door.

"It's about time for dinner. Shall we go?" He smiled at me but I shook my head at him before pointing my finger at him.

"Not with you looking like that, god knows what they'll accuse me of having done." I said with a chuckle. He put a hand to his face when he realized how he must look. Eyes red and puffy, hair tousled and clothes little bit rumpled.

He flushed and said something about heading for the bathroom before he ran off. I chuckled once more and lay down on my back, staring up at the roof with my hands crossed under my head.

"I'm sure things will work out fine." I said out loud to no one in particular and then settled down to wait.

* * *

A few days later we met up early and headed for the old man's office. We hoped to catch him before the first lesson started, but we didn't rush. I didn't have any need to hurry there and Ukitake was looking like he might regret this.

"Let's go for some sake after this" I suggested with a grin, and he smiled before a small frown creased his brow.

"Hey, we have history after this. Don't try and drag me with you to skip class again!" He reprimanded and I laughed, earning a small friendly shove. I kept the friendly banter up the rest of the way, only letting it die when we arrived at the big door of the captain commander's office.

The door opened before my friend's outstretched hand could touch it and we entered. Yamamoto was looking at us from behind his big desk and I clapped my friend on the back before I moved a little to the side, still within sight as support, but not in the way.

After the doors closed, Yamamoto gave me a look I couldn't decipher before he focused on his other student.

"I see you are calmer now, Ukitake." Yamamoto said as he gave the boy a scrutinizing glance.

"Yes, Yamamoto-sensei" He answered and shifted a little where he stood, a bit shame visible on his expression.

"Well then, should we go on to business? About your parents death and the change of head of your house, what do you intend to do?" Straight to the point, I felt like giving the old man an exasperated little look, but I guess that wasn't appropriate. I kept a lazy stance and waited for my friend to speak up.

"I-I don't know. I feel that I should be there for my family but…" He dwindled of and stood silent, indecisive.

"Out with it boy, it won't do any good to twiddle your thumbs."

"O-Of course. I… Despite the circumstances I don't want to drop out of the academy. I want to become a shinigami and use my powers for the wellbeing of others."

"That is an admirable goal. I'm glad to hear you still have some spirit left. So, what will you do now? As long as you stay on the academy grounds you'll be provided with food and housing as you finish your studies, and when you graduate I plan to take you into service. Do you still want this, or do you abandon this path to pursue another?" He captured his white haired pupil under a heavy gaze.

"I-I…" Ukitake bit his lower lip, his hand fisting itself in his blue school hakama. I decided that this was a good place to speak up. It wouldn't do to have the old man intimidate my poor little friend, would it?

"The Kyouraku household offer to lend enough money to keep the Ukitake family stable until you can provide for them on your own. I make this offer as the future head. For this offer to be legitimate you have to continue studying though. That is the sole condition." Ukitake snapped his head up and stared at me in shock; I couldn't help but grin leisurely at him and wink.

"I told you I would help, didn't I?" The look of surprise, embarrassment and gratefulness on Ukitake's features drew a wider smile from me and from the corner of my eyes I saw an appraising look cross over Yama-jii's face.

"That is honorable of you to offer. So Ukitake, will you accept their help and continue with your studies? I advise you to take this course of action, you have extraordinary potential and it would grieve me to lose you before you can realize that potential."

"I-I am humbled. Kyouraku I… I thank you for the offer and I would like to take you up on it, but…" He hesitated still?

"Come on, don't decline!" I frowned at him as I said this but he shook his head.

"I want to put a small condition of my own. Should you ever realize it will be impossible to continue supporting my family, I want you to inform me and then stop. I don't want you to drag your own family down in an attempt to help mine." He steadily met my gaze and I felt relief wash over me, releasing the tension in my shoulders.

"Well said. Are these conditions fine with both of you? If so, I will act as witness of this deal and we can start to formalize it." Yamamoto said and looked at us both. After a moment I nodded and Ukitake bowed at me. I bowed back and when I met his eyes they once more held hope for a future.

"Then let's get this finished up. You're already taking up enough of the history class time as it is, which I am sure you are delighted at skipping, Kyouraku." I grinned at Yama-jii and then walked over and grabbed Ukitake's shoulder, dragging him over with me to the table where the old man was already putting out paper and ink for the contract.

Half an hour later we exited the room side by side, and Ukitake turned to me with a smile full of gratitude and hope.

"Thank you Kyouraku. I may never be able to show you just how much this means to me. You being here, helping me and my family... I don't know what to say. Just thanks." He said and gave a slightly nervous laugh. I grinned lazily.

"That's what friends are for."

* * *

**Adam's needle – Best friends /A friend in need**

**"_Being there when they need it, especially when they won't admit that they need it, that is what friends are for."_**

A/N: Well, here we go with a friendship fic for the two best buddies in soul society. I hope you liked it! Would love it if you left a review and checked out the new poll!


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