Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: J. owns everything you recognise. Unfortunately, I'm not her. I wouldn't be working ten hours a day otherwise!

**A/N**: I want to thank _**Eleanor Potter**_ for her support during the past month and a half. It's thanks so her I finally wrote the first chapter of a story that's been in my mind for over a year.

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Chapter One – Abusing the Power

September, 1977

_The world in which they were growing up had changed drastically. The void that had been left by the collapse of the Ministry caused uneasiness among their kind. No one knew whom he or she could trust because what was once normal was now corrupted. Doors that used to be inviting everyone in were now sealed against trespassers and if one wasn't able to provide the correct password, they were denied access no matter if they were friend or foe. It became too dangerous to trust your neighbour, your friends and even your family. Paranoia and fear dominated and ruined everything that used to be pure. Even the tightest of bonds broke or showed cracks. Their world was quickly falling apart and they were all aware of this. However, there were two choices. Either you ran away or faced it, fighting for a better future._

The Hogwarts' Express waited impatiently behind her, its steam already leaving the chimney, indicating that the train would be leaving soon. Lily scanned the platform thoroughly, watching as little children hugged their family goodbye for the first time. A few sobs could be heard while their parents whispered words of comfort and love with a drop of worry in their voices. The atmosphere was different than previous years as parents rushed their children onto the train and left the platform in a hurry, a hunted look in their eyes. No one dared to laugh or smile when they saw their friends again but simply nodded from afar. She could feel the fear as it came rushing towards her in waves; hammering on her nerves and making her heart beat faster. She was nervous. This goodbye was out of place. It wasn't the excitement she had experienced like the past six years.

All of a sudden, her eyes connected with a familiar pair of black ones and within a second, she could feel him tugging at the edges of her mind. For one moment, he received admission to one of her biggest worries but she quickly gathered her senses together, forcing him out. He was still trying as they stared at the other and Lily knew that an outsider would simply assume they were looking at each other but inside, she was fighting a vicious mind battle with her former best friend. A friend she could no longer trust because of the war. She was angry with him for trying to break into her most private thoughts but at the same time, she was sad because there used to be a time that he wouldn't have had to do that. Of course, everything had changed.

The connection was broken when someone tall stepped in front of her and blurred her vision. Lily looked up and sighed when she noticed the mischievous grin of the one and only James Potter.

"Hey, Evans!"

To say she and James had been arguing the past five years was putting it mildly and it hadn't pleased Lily the slightest when she had received professor Dumbledore's owl wishing her luck with her new assignment as Head Girl together with the infamous James Potter. At first Lily had been convinced that Dumbledore must have been knocked on his head by a wand when he had decided James Potter to be responsible for the well being of Hogwarts' students; especially since it was said person who was responsible for most of the bullying that had happened the past two years. After she had figured out that Dumbledore would have been too great and powerful as a wizard to get caught being hit by a wand, she simply decided that he must have been very, intoxicatingly drunk and Lily tried not to imagine her headmaster in mentioned state.

_Apparently_, she thought as she caught James' glance towards something in the corners of his eyes and, as she followed the look, noticed how Black (another infamous idiot) gave a right hook into the face of Severus Snape. She concluded that indeed, _it was extremely dangerous._

Lily put her hands on her hips as she raised her eyebrows in annoyance. She was met with a sheepish smirk and then, a large hand moved towards the unruly mass of black hair and brushed through it. Lily closed her eyes for one moment, searching for patience before opening them again and glaring at him.

"Could you explain why your best friend hit Severus?"

"It's still _Severus_, then?" asked James, his voice pronouncing the name as if it were venom on his tongue.

Lily rolled her eyes. She hadn't expected anything less from him and was getting bored with his little rivalry between him and Severus. It had been going on for years and she was positive that none of them knew why they started in the first place, besides the stereotypical House feud.

"I don't think that's any of your business," Lily answered coldly, stepping sideways to keep a close eye on Sirius Black, who seemed quite pleased with his success. When she was about to check on Severus, James stepped in front of her again, blocking her view.

"That's between me and _Severus_. Now answer my question."

Crossing her arms, she waited for James to answer her. Lily didn't tolerate any violence and since she'd become a Prefect during her fifth year, she had been trying to do anything to keep the fighting as low as possible. Now, with the responsibility of being a Head Girl, she couldn't let this slip at all. Especially not since a lot of parents had witnessed this act of senseless cruelty. She knew professor Dumbledore would receive a few owls as soon as they were able to write him and it was her responsibility that peace was kept between the students. And she would be damned that James Potter wouldn't take his responsibility either!

James shrugged nonchalantly.

"He was staring at you," he simply said, running his hand through his hair again, before leaving it alone. Her fingers twitched to grab her wand and fix his dishevelled state; another thing she tried to achieve: urging everyone to keep a tidy appearance during school hours. She had been taught that keeping a clean appearance was showing respect towards your tutors and unless your physical standard demanded otherwise, it had to be followed. Lily was strict like that and since she considered being a Head Boy or Girl, a role model to most, to be the highest on the social ladder of the student body, they always had to wear unwrinkled clothes and keep a nice, clean and non-provocative appearance. Something James obviously lacked when she scrutinised him more closely and spotted the crooked collar underneath his ear.

"By that, you mean?" She asked, unimpressed.

"Obviously, it's impolite to stare at a lady."

Lily had to keep herself from snorting. James always knew what others weren't supposed to do but when it came down to his own behaviour and that of his friends, he always ignored the fact he was even worse than those he reprimanded. And _this_ got underneath Lily's skin in the most negative possible way. He was such a hypocrite!

"But it is proper to hit someone in the face?" Lily replied sarcastically and tried to step around him. She could hear angry voices coming from where Severus had been standing and she almost felt the atmosphere shift into a very dangerous one. Living in this war meant that even the slightest provocation could turn into a blood bath and Lily was determined to avoid this happening underneath her watch.

James followed her, fruitless with keeping her away as he answered her slowly.

"It depends on the situation."

Lily stopped brusquely and turned to look at him in disbelief. "Are you saying that it's okay to use violence as long as the situation calls for it? So, if I follow your reasoning, I'm allowed to kick Black in the balls simply because he hit Severus?"

James gaped at her, moving his lips once, and then twice to form a sentence while he tried to get over his shock.

"You said _balls_."

Rolling with her eyes, Lily turned away and walked towards a satisfied Sirius Black and a murderous looking Severus Snape who had his wand pointed towards his attacker. Blood was coming from his nose, which looked more crooked than it normally did, but he didn't seem to notice this as his black, hostile eyes were sending messages of pure hatred towards the relaxed wizard opposite him.

Sirius grinned when he saw James and almost as if he was set on fire, he jumped towards his best friend and hug him tightly.

"Jamie boy, I missed you, my friend!" he screamed in excitement, completely ignoring the fact that more Slytherins had gathered behind Severus, all of them looking ready to send them a few hexes. Parents looked up at the noise and those who sentenced the danger, quickly moved away and disappeared from sight. Others however, were ready to put a stop on the fight as soon as it promised to get out of hand.

Lily stood in between the group of Slytherins and the two best friends, who were completely oblivious ("We just spent two months together on holiday, you moron!") of the situation. She was annoyed that James chatted happily with Sirius as if a murderous group of Slytherins weren't gathering together. While they recounted some adventure they had, Lily summoned all her courage to face the Slytherins. She felt her heart beat quicker again as she realised she was in this alone. It wasn't because they frightened her but because she knew how low she stood in their eyes. Resolved to calm down the Slytherins and punish Sirius, she looked pleadingly at Severus, pointing towards his wand. She hoped he understood her. It was the only way to avoid a fight.

"Turn down your wand, Severus." She said underneath her breath but she knew he could hear her, because it made Sirius and James go silent as they watched her fixing their mess. "They're not worth it."

"Oi! You're supposed to take our side! We're so much better than them."

Lily turned around sharply, glaring at the pair of them as she took out her own wand and put it underneath Sirius' chin, a threatening glare turning him silent.

"I'm not taking anyone's side!" she hissed. "I'm getting so sick of your behaviour and that counts for you too, James Potter!"

James, who had sniggered at his best friends public humiliation, looked suddenly serious. A rare look of confused uncertainty crossed his face.

"You both think you own the school and I'm sure all your pretty _admirers_ would agree," she spat, her face turning redder with each sentence. "But when will you _grow up_?! If you think for one moment that simply because you're a Black or a Potter you will get everywhere with that behaviour, then you're seriously wrong! For Merlin's sake, Potter, Dumbledore gave you that badge in trust and it's only day one. Even that seems too hard for you to honour his decision. You both lack respect and I won't take it any longer. Detention, Black, for a week."

"Oh come on, Lily." James tried, a tiny, wavering smile on his face as he made an attempt to convince her to listen to him. "We're only messing around."

"No, you're not." Lily looked at him and saw him bite his lip nervously. She had never seen him nervous before but then again, she had never been this angry with him before either. A lot of people were following the scene and as a Head Girl, she had to do what was right if she wanted everyone to know they couldn't mess with Lily Evans. "You're a bully, James Potter, you and your friends. It's not just messing around. It's hurting people! Making people bleed is no fun. It's cruel and cold-hearted. If you think that's okay, then you're no better than them. You're _pathetic_!"

With that she turned to look at Severus. Her anger was still bubbling at the surface as she flicked her want aggressively at his face. A loud crack announced the settlement of his broken nose and with another whoosh, the blood disappeared from his face and clothes.

"On the train," she demanded coldly as she looked at the Slytherins. "All of you. We're leaving in a few minutes."

As she was walking towards the train, she heard Sirius mutter underneath his breath "Being saved by a girl, again, Snivellus." and at the same time, a bitter male voice whispered loud enough for her to hear, "As if we're taking orders from a filthy Mudblood."

A lot happened at the same time before Lily even had turned back around to make it stop. She heard a vicious "Flipendo!" and saw how Sirius was knocked backwards and ended a few metres further against the wall, a loud knock being heard as his head hit the brick wall of the platform. Severus Snape looked pleased, his wand still held high from his hex. Avery, the one who had called her Mudblood, was now choking. His face looked green and as he spat, a few bubbles escaped his mouth.

"To clean that dirty mouth of yours," James said angrily, his brown eyes looking cold at the group of Slytherins. "Next time I hear such foul language, I'll clean a lot more than your mouth, Avery. That applies to all of you!"

It unnerved Lily that James had used a Scouring Charm, fighting a battle that was hers. She was old enough to deal with it herself and didn't need him to play hero. She walked towards Severus in a temper, glared at James as he gave her a victorious grin and pushed him away as she shoved past him. This act caused Severus to smile evilly at James, thinking he had won this battle but he didn't count Lily's enraged green eyes. James was about to send a hex when Lily grabbed her wand from her pocket.

"Expelliarmus!" She yelled and both James' and Severus' wands flew out of their hands into hers. "You better wipe that smile of your face, Severus Tobias Snape! Don't you think you'll get away with it. Professor Slughorn will hear about this and he'll decide what a proper punishment will be."

Severus scowled. "He started this, Evans. I shouldn't be the only one being punished!"

"Then be the better man and ignore that idiot," she snapped, giving his wand back. "I thought you were smarter than this."

"What's the matter, _Snivellus_," James taunted, a smirk wide on his face. "Surprised that your precious Lily turned her back on you? Oh no, what are you going to do now without her protecting you? Cry for your mommy?"

"Stop it!"

She had enough of this. She was so sick of them fighting about her over the years, so sick of being used. Lily was no one's possession. She had tried for years to make James stop bullying Severus, not because she wanted to protect him (she knew he could handle himself) but because he had been her best friend. The whole situation between her and Severus was still painful and though she had grown used to being called Evans by him, as she had called him Snape for the past year, it still reminded her of the loss. She still tried to fight for him, though differently.

"Give me your badge."

Lily held her hand open towards James, waiting expectedly for him to hand over his Head Boy's badge. He looked at her bewildered for a moment, then shocked before he shook his head. It was his turn to scowl.

"And why would I do that, Evans?"

Raising her eyebrows sceptically, she replied. "That badge should be worn with respect and responsibility. I have yet to see any of those two."

"Excuse me?" He took a step towards her, his tall figure dominating above her. He looked angry and it scared Lily inwardly. She had never received James Potter's anger towards her before and she admitted silently, it wasn't something she wished to encounter with again any time soon. "I defended you! I punished someone who called you a-a-you-know-what! I think that's being responsible and teaching someone to respect others."

A large crowd of the younger students was now standing around the group of seventh years, watching eagerly how this game of power would end. Lily saw how Remus Lupin was helping Sirius to stand straight on his feet while Peter Pettigrew kept Sirius' wand close to his chest. All the others were looking at her, waiting for her reply.

Deciding she didn't want to appear scared, she took a step closer towards James. They were almost touching, so close they were standing. Lily had to bend her head backwards to be able to see his face and noticed for the first time that James was tall, really tall. Or perhaps, she was very little.

"If that is your view on respect and responsibility, then you have a lot more to worry about than simply keeping your badge, Potter." She hissed, ignoring the loud thumping of her heart in her chest. "Letting your best friend hit someone in your place, not acting on it, cursing someone instead of giving detention and bullying someone are not considered acceptable. As Head Boy, you are supposed to show the right way of dealing with this."

"In my opinion, I'm dealing with this just fine!" He took another step closer, making her swallow nervously. He was towering above her and she was forced to take a step back if she didn't want to fall over.

"You failed on all the requirements of being a Head Boy, Potter," she said calmly, trying to control the slamming of her heart. She didn't understand why she felt scared of him. She was in her right and she was determined to let him know. "You still have to attend all meetings concerning Prefects and the school but the power to give detentions and to take points are now stripped from you along with your badge. Unless professor Dumbledore and professor McGonagall decide otherwise once we're back at school, you will not get your badge until you prove worthy of it. You get one month. If you fail, someone else will be appointed Head Boy."

Being proud of herself, she crossed her arms in front of her, giving him a victorious smirk. It didn't last long, however, because suddenly James leaned towards her, his face being level with hers, and then, he moved towards her ear as he whispered only for her to hear. "And what makes you think you've got the power to decide that, _witch_?"

How he did it, Lily didn't know but the feeling of his warm breath touching her face gently along with the lowered, rough voice, made her forget he had called her a witch in the most pejorative connotation possible. Her breath got caught inside her throat as the sound made her body tingle in anticipation. Closing her eyes, she tried to regain herself but it only enhanced what her senses were absorbing. She felt the light brush of his skin as he pulled slightly back, leaving a prickling mark on her heated cheeks. When she finally decided to look at him again, her fiery green eyes connected with the softness of his chocolate ones and they held it for a long time. The world around them vanished into thin air while Lily struggled to breathe, struggled to focus on her anger as her stomach squeezed together nervously.

Licking her lips, she gazed at him and he watched her, an unfamiliar spark in the depths of his pupils. She opened her mouth to reply but closed it again, the unspoken words leaving as he leaned closer, too close, and his lips were only inches away from hers. Panic took control as the realisation downed upon her what he was about to do. Acting quickly, she pressed James' wand towards his lower body.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," she whispered, a small crack in her voice. James bewildered at first, widened his eyes in understanding when she added a bit more pressure. He swallowed hard, making his Adam's apple move. "I haven't changed my mind."

She was referring to the countless' times of her refusing him to date and she was sure he knew what she meant. Of course he hadn't asked her out now, but he had been close to kissing her and she had made it clear last year that if he ever pulled out a trick like that again (he had tried it before, although a bit more desperately and less breathtakingly than now) she would make it her personal goal to turn him into an eunuch.

Before James could react, an elder wizard interrupted them. He pushed James away by his shoulders, the lingering of a smile evident in the wizard's twinkling eyes.

"Alright, children," he said cheerfully, a definite contrast in the tensed atmosphere. "Let's get you two away from each other before you both make sure Hogwarts doesn't have any Head students left anymore. Professor Dumbledore would be greatly disappointed if that were to happen, I'm sure."

The man wore a dark brown cloak, the golden Ministry of Magic emblem sparkling bright in the low September morning sun. Even though Lily estimated his age to be older than sixty, he appeared to be young and quick as he handed James' wand. Confused how that happened, Lily looked down at her hand, noticing the absence of the wand.

"Off you go," he smiled and pointed towards the Hogwarts' express. Most students were already on the train, hanging out of the opened windows to witness the scene between Hogwarts' most famous Head students. And Lily wondered when that had happened. The last time she remembered those faces standing in circle around them.

Still being mystified about the whole situation, Lily walked towards the train. She caught a wavering smile from Remus, which she replied to with a matching weak smile. She was exhausted and it wasn't even eleven o'clock yet.

Entering a compartment, Lily settled down behind the window. A lot had happened and she knew that she would have to speak to the headmaster as soon as the beginning of the year feast was finished. She couldn't stand James Potter and the way he dealt with his newfound power. She had made up her mind he was immature, determined to convince the headmaster of this as well!

Then, her thoughts travelled back to when his voice had spoken low against her ear and the emotions it had evoked. Her cheeks flushed red when she remembered the warmth in his eyes, making her groan in frustration. This was James Potter for Merlin's sake! An arrogant, bullying toerag. Nothing more.

She rested her hot cheek against the cold window as the train left the station, trying to focus on the day ahead but as an echo of his lowered voice entrapped her into another thought (when had his voice been so low before?), she knew it was hopeless.

Another frustrated groan escaped her throat as she closed her eyes.

What had he done to her?

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**A/N**: That's it for now! Let me know what you think of this so far. I don't know when the next chapter will be up but I'll try to post it as soon as possible. Until the next!


	2. Chapter 2 - Going Home

**A/N:** This is long overdue, I know. This chapter is longer than the previous one but I wanted a few things out of my way (introducing people, situations, giving you a basic idea of Lily's life etc.) while the story continues at the same time. I hope you'll like it and thank you all for the lovely reviews so far!

**Chapter Two – Going Home**

The compartment door slid open, stirring Lily out of her consuming thoughts. She relaxed immediately and smiled when her best friend, Mary MacDonald, entered with a healthy red blush on her cheeks as she pulled her heavy trunk inside. A curse escaped her lips when it got caught between the doors and the train simultaneously took a switch in rails, causing it to swing from left to right. Mary bounced onto one of the seats with a yelp, closely followed by another curse.

"Bloody hell! I really won't be missing the train rides next year!" she exclaimed, glaring angrily at the door and her trunk. "What's the point anyway? I have to come all the way from Scotland to London only to travel all day back to where I came from! I don't understand why my dad couldn't simply drop me in Hogsmeade. I could have had a lovely, very well needed lie in. But oh no, daddy MacDonald thinks it's character building to be up at dawn!"

Lily laughed, her temper from earlier already forgotten, when she quickly stood up to help her friend with lifting the trunk to the overhead luggage storage. Mary was the loudest of the pair, always carrying her thoughts on the tip of her tongue. At first, when they initially met all those years ago, it had been awkward and slightly unnerving when Lily felt embarrassed most of the time by her brute comments ("What in Merlin's name are you wearing today?") but once they had bonded, Lily had started to appreciate her honest opinion. Mary belonged to the rare few whom Lily could count on and she appreciated it.

They hugged each other tightly before they settled down, facing each other with wide grins.

"I assume you woke up at the wrong side of the bed, huh?" Lily asked teasingly.

Mary snorted, whisking a strand of dark brown hair out of her face that had come loose from her bun when she'd taken the near fall seconds ago, and stuck it behind her ear. "Says the one who threatened to take a badge from James, gave Sirius a week worth of detention and the school year has yet to begin! That must have been a record! What was that all about anyway?"

Lily was about to reply when the compartment door slid open again, revealing a shy looking, blond witch.

"Good morning, Marlene," Lily said gently, and added a quick question to escape further interrogation. The last thing she wanted to do was analysing her previous behaviour. "How was your summer?"

Marlene McKinnon was timid for a pure-blood witch. She didn't carry the air of arrogance wherever she walked nor did she brag about her family. In fact, Marlene hardly mentioned anything about them, explaining that she was a simple witch coming from a middle-class wizard's family and couldn't be more ordinary if she wanted to.

"It was uneventful as usual," she replied with a blush, sitting next to Lily. "The hardship of being an only child, I suppose. How was yours?"

"Petunia has finally moved out and lives in London now."

Mary cheered. "How did you manage to kick her out?" she asked eagerly.

Lily's bond with her sister had been strained if not broken the moment Lily had received her very first letter from professor Dumbledore. Apparently Petunia had contacted professor Dumbledore afterwards, begging him to allow her at Hogwarts as well but the refusal letter had hit a nerve. Ever since then, Petunia refused to accept Lily as a witch. It didn't help either that both sisters were stubborn. Lily found her sister's actions pathetic while Petunia strongly believed that Lily was being spoiled, bragging about all she was capable of. More than once, the sisters were found in harsh arguments and if anyone knew Lily, they knew how forced their sisterhood had been the past seven years. And even though it upset Lily that something as pity as an acceptance letter could have broken the bond for good, she wasn't stupid to ignore the fact that it had hung in the air ever since she had met Severus Snape. It had been a time bomb, slowly ticking the seconds away.

There were moments when they had tried to forget everything and to move on but then, something magical would happen (an owl arriving with a letter from her friends, or her wand falling and sending a few sparks) and the whole argument would start all over again, leaving the sisters angrier than before.

"She's found a job as a secretary or something." said Lily tonelessly. "Mum cried for days, sitting on Tuney's old bed."

"Is she okay now?" Marlene asked, a worried look in her eyes and Lily smiled, nodding.

"Yes, she is. I think she was more upset about the fact we're growing up than anything else, though."

Growing up. It meant that Lily had to find another summer job to gather some money together for the family and her studies. Lily's family wasn't wealthy, wavering between the thin line of being poor and having just enough money to survive. She didn't mind, knowing she was still better off than others but that didn't mean it wasn't sometimes hard. Perhaps she couldn't permit buying more than two summer dresses but at least she had a warm home she could always return to and had parents who loved her and her sister.

However, the summer had been tough. Tougher than usual and it had coloured her bright summer days into a depressing grey. Since their falling out, Lily hadn't spent her spare time out in the local park anymore. Her talks with Severus were in the past and going back to the park brought up memories that were too painful. She had lost a friend to the war and felt hopeless, not knowing what else she could have done to save him from his tricky friends.

Then Petunia left and though it lifted up the mood around the house, the distraction from feeling alone over the summer was also gone. Lily never liked their arguments but at least it made her forget that the summers were long without a best friend to run to and now, she had no distractions and found herself multiple times sitting at the top of the stairs, staring at the wall in front of her, wishing she had the capability to turn back time and redo everything that had gone wrong and make it work.

Of course, there was the daily job-hunting business to take her mind off things but living in the suburbs of a dying, industrial town like Cokeworth meant there was nothing available for someone like Lily, who couldn't even write in her cv which course she followed at school. She could hardly write down she excelled in Potions and Charms, could she?

"My dad's been more guarded than normal," Mary told Marlene, interrupting Lily from her thoughts a second time that morning. "When my brother appeared unannounced, he almost hit him with a spell, demanding to reveal his true colours because, apparently, my brother would never wear blue!" Mary chuckled, rolling her eyes. "I suppose he forgot my brother married a Ravenclaw girl who's favourite colour happens to be _surprisingly_ blue!"

War. It had changed everything.

Diagon Ally used to be bubbling with excitement as young children ran from one store to the other, discovering the latest fashion at Madam Malkins Robes For All Occassions or the newest broom at Quality Quidditch Supplies. Parents used to talk with laughter as they watched their offspring being mesmerised by all the sweets in Sugarplum's Sweet Shop. But it was dead this summer.

When Lily had walked through the enchanted wall, she had been shocked into silence when she noticed the empty streets. A few people had been rushing along with their hoods pulled low over their eyes to keep themselves from being recognised. There hadn't been any laughter or playful behaviour from children because there simply hadn't been any to hear anymore. Most stores had had their window shutters closed while others had appeared to be abandoned as a thick layer of dust had covered the objects at the window. The few shops that had opened their doors that day, considered someone like Lily as a threat.

When she had entered Second-Hand Robes, Lily had been back outside quicker than she had gone inside. The owner had pushed her back, shaking his head as he had mumbled how dangerous it was. Another store had forbidden all Muggleborns to enter (according to a sign at the door) and told half-bloods to knock twice and wait for further guidance. Eventually, when an old witch had screamed Lily was jeopardising everyone's safety, Lily had decided to return with the little money she had come with still untouched in her purse. Her heart had sunk deep inside her chest but it was war and it was her life now. No matter how cruel and unfair it was.

Sending Marlene a letter by owl, asking her to get her supplies, had been too dangerous as well. All mail was being checked these days and it would look suspicious if a pure-blood family received an owl from a surname that wasn't registered. And Evans was one of those unregistered family names. So Lily had returned to the old fashioned Muggle way and posted a letter to Mary explaining the situation and if she could help.

"It's not the first thing your father seems to forget, though."

Lily knew Mary's father. They had met several times whenever Lily spent a few days at the MacDonalds durin the summer. He was downright weird, never able to remember her name or Lily herself to begin with.

"Only because he considers matters such as humans pointless." Mary laughed. "If it's not mystical, mysterious or curious he simply doesn't care. I'm surprised he knows he's got children! My mum told me once that when she announced she was pregnant, he had looked at her over his morning coffee and asked what her point was."

Lily and Marlene laughed. It definitely sounded like something her father would say.

"Anyway," Mary continued, controlling her giggles. "Now that formalities are over, I was asking Lily what happened on the platform. Did you see it, Marlene?"

Sighing, Lily looked outside the window. She wasn't in the mood to discuss her actions and knowing Mary, she wouldn't stop until she was satisfied. She noticed how Marlene nodded in the reflection of the window and groaned.

"Of course you did. The whole school did!" Mary stated excitedly. "I bet it's going to be the talk of the day."

"Actually, Sophia from Ravenclaw told me how everyone was shocked at your reaction, Lily." Marlene told them.

"Great." Lily muttered. "This school is worse than the gossip pages in the Daily Prophet."

"Can you blame them?" Mary asked. "You and James are probably the most exciting couple of the whole school. There's always something going on between the two of you!"

"We're _not_ a couple." Lily stressed out. "How many times do I have to say this?"

Mary grinned, a sparkle in her eyes. "It's only a matter of time. With the passion you two argue you either going to end up killing or banging each other. And I put my money on the latter."

This made Marlene burst in giggles, a red blush appearing on her cheeks again. Lily on the other hand wasn't impressed.

"Do you think I like arguing with him?" Lily snapped. "I'd love it if I could have one day without having to lash out at him but since he's an arrogant prat, I can't help it either!"

"Oh, hold your knickers on, Lily," Mary joked, holding her hands up in a mocked defence. "I didn't mean to judge you. I know he can be annoying. Sometimes."

Lily sighed, calming down again. "I'm sorry. It's just that I'm so tired of this. I want a quiet year for once but with him being made Head Boy now, it's probably going to be the worst year at Hogwarts ever!"

"Don't you think you're overreacting?" Marlene asked. "You barely gave him a chance and you're already running ahead in time. You don't know if he'll do it well or not."

Lily frowned. "But he's already abusing his power."

"And that's no overreaction?" she asked again. "If you had ignored him and simply gave Sirius a detention for what he's done, it would have been a lot less dramatic than it was. Plus, in my opinion, a Head Boy and Girl should work together, not against each other. Especially during a time like this when there's a war pulling everyone away from each other. What must the first years think if not even two students in the same year and house can work along? Form a unit? What will other students think? You're supposed to make sure they don't break any rules but if not even the head students can be allies, then why listen to them and take them serious?"

Marlene seemed surprised with her own river of words, quickly turning away from Lily while Mary grinned proudly.

"Well said!"

Lily looked troubled, eyebrows knitted together as she thought. Maybe she had overreacted earlier but James Potter unnerved her. Lily had been eager when she first came to Hogwarts and found out that being a Muggleborn meant she'd have to contradict many statements about them not being worthy of a magical education. There had already been whispers about a wizard who had turned bad and who was raising in power. His motto: purifying the magic world.

So Lily had insisted to show those who were judging her, she would leave this school with everyone knowing her. In her opinion that meant she would work hard, never disappoint a teacher and make sure she'd be made Prefect and become a Head Girl later. She had sacrificed a lot of her time helping other students with their homework and teachers setting up the class for their tutoring and she had loved every second of it. Being made Head Girl this summer had been the highlight of her holiday, finally getting the reward of being helpful, friendly and academically ambitious. Until they had signed James Potter as her fellow head student.

In her opinion someone earned the position when they didn't stray too much away from what was considered to be a model student. James Potter was definitely _not_ a model student with his record amount of detentions (something he joked about last year and caused another argument between the two). He never studied or did any effort making his homework yet, he always seemed to be the best student in Transfiguration and being professor McGonagall's favourite. His favourite time was when he could prank someone or insult someone from Slytherin. He was famous for his duelling too, something that was forbidden unless they were in the duelling club. And Lily was certain James only cared about one after school commitment and that was Quidditch. Lily didn't understand how he'd done it. It made everything Lily had done before insignificant. But even if it made her confused, her worst worry was the fact it was _James Potter_ who had been made Head Boy.

It wasn't a secret that they disliked each other. There wouldn't be a day without someone hearing them yelling at each other and ever since James had had it in his head to ask her out for a year long (which Lily was certain to be one of his pranks) their relationship as housemates had only spiralled more downwards so there was nothing left to agree with. A single word was all they needed to start arguing and they could hardly stop once they had begun.

It also didn't help that James had publically announced war on Slytherin years ago. This made everything even more complicated. Lily's position in Slytherin was non-existent as they all considered her as dirt, someone (something) who shouldn't even open her mouth at them, let alone sending a warning or giving them detentions. Not unless she wished to be hexed. But that never stopped her because she wasn't scared of a bunch of Slytherins. However, now that James was made Head Boy, someone whom the Slytherins considered to be biased, unfair and downright a nuisance meant that Lily would have to act as diplomatic as was humanly possible. Taking James' side could cause a riot yet not taking his side when he was not in the wrong would start a whole new argument all together. So Lily wasn't quite sure how to deal with this yet hence the overreaction earlier, trying to please the Slytherins (even though they would never agree to be content with any of her decisions) because they had been the ones at disadvantage this time.

His immature, attention seeking, power-abusing character didn't help matters either to accept he was a Head Boy.

A headache was starting to form and she quickly massaged her temple, closing her eyes in an attempt to block it. "I hate him so much."

"Tell us something we don't know." Mary chuckled, winking at Marlene.

Lily groaned. "I hate how he brings the worse out of me! I usually get along fine with everyone but him? He's arrogant, thinking he owns everything and everyone, including me! He's got it so easy." She'd grown angrier with each sentence, only to whisper the final one. Tears of frustration had formed in her eyes and she looked away from her friends. "He simply got it by doing nothing, making everything I worked so hard for look like a joke. It probably is just a joke to him anyway."

"You don't know that," Marlene began. "Who knows what he did to earn the position?"

"You sound like one of his fans," Mary joked, raising her eyebrows at the girl who blushed yet again.

"I'm not," she replied quickly. "I'm only considering the possibilities. Besides, I don't think he's too bad. It's all about perspective. Maybe you should try and find out his opinion or ask why he acts the way he does?"

Lily stood up, brushing the wrinkles out of her black school robe in a way to gain control of her feelings again. "Whatever his perspective may be, it can't be anything good. Anyway, this talk about Potter made me realise I have to find him before the meeting. Do you think he'll be in his usual compartment?"

They both nodded and Lily was about to leave, when Marlene grabbed her arm to make her stop.

"Ignore him when he acts like an idiot, Lily."

"It's not as easy as you make it sound." Lily answered in defeat. "His presence alone frustrates me. No one has been under my skin so much before as James Potter. Not even Petunia. It's only getting worse over the years."

As Lily made her way through the different carriages she couldn't help but be nervous. Their first task working together as head students lay ahead and knowing that they hardly agreed on anything and with what had happened earlier, Lily wasn't sure how they would get through the meeting without another discussion. She realised that apologising, even though she was convinced he should be the one apologising and not her, was the only thing that could benefit the matter for an hour or so to make him cooperate during the meeting but that didn't mean she liked doing it.

When Lily finally found their compartment, she glanced through the window and noticed the four friends having fun. Sirius was saying something that made James' shoulders shake with laughter while his back was turned towards her. Remus' face was hidden behind a book but a look of amusement shone in his eyes. Peter was eagerly bouncing on his seat, mouth opening and closing rapidly to add his opinion to the conversation. Slightly nervous to interrupt them, Lily dawdled to enter.

She turned her attention back to James, watching how he gestured animatedly. His black robes had been thrown onto one of the trunks and the sleeves of his grey sweater were rolled upwards until above his elbow. It didn't appear as if he was still thinking one second of what had happened earlier at the station although she was sure it was still in the back of his mind like it had been in hers.

Realising she was actually staring, Lily shifted her weight from one foot to another while letting her eyes wander and she nearly jumped out of her skin when she met the intensive gaze of Sirius Black. He ignored everyone else in the compartment while he glared at her, his lips thin as if he was pressing them together to keep from yelling. It made Lily uneasy and she took a step backwards at the exact moment when James turned around to look over his shoulder, checking out what had caused the change in his best friend. An embarrassed blush crept onto her cheeks as she quickly moved away from the door. She inwardly cursed at herself for acting like a silly first year. It was James Potter and his friends, for God's sake, no one she couldn't handle. Then why was she feeling so nervous?

Her heart thumped inside her chest when the compartment door opened behind her back. Was she scared for what his reaction might be because of what had happened earlier?

"Lily?" James called, making her stop as his hand touched her arm. She quickly moved it out of his reach. "Is something wrong?"

She shook her head, hesitating while she searched for words. Sirius joined them, standing behind James as he looked at her angrily.

"No, everything is fine. We, er, we need a talk before the meeting starts, though."

James raised his eyebrows while crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I'm a bit confused. What meeting are you talking about?"

Trying not to lose her temper, Lily put her hand on her hip, deciding to grab it as hard as possible in a way to concentrate on something else than his cocky nonchalance. "Prefect meeting."

Perhaps the words had been strained but at least she didn't snap them for a change. She felt a tiny bit proud of herself but the fragile euphoria of achievement evaporated the moment he opened his mouth.

"Ah," said James and he took his glasses from his nose to rub it clean with his sweater. "I sense a potential problem."

Staying calm was never a trait of hers. She had a short temper when she was being pushed to her limits and no matter what James Potter did, he _always_ pushed her to her limits with the simplest of words and the most idiotic behaviour. Him acting uninterested in the meeting and coming up with excuses was almost fuel enough to make her burst in flames.

Her cheeks were red with supressed anger but she tried her best, continuously repeating Marlene's words to ignore James inside her head. "What problem do you mean?"

"His badge, Evans!" Sirius barked angrily, interrupting James before he could answer. "The one _you_ took! Or have you already forgotten that minor detail?"

He glared at her petite form, a silent threat hidden in the message but it didn't put her off, and instead she crossed her own arms in front of her and glared back. She would never give Sirius the satisfaction of showing fear in his presence, no matter how shaky she felt inside.

Sirius Black was an entity on its own. People either hated him or loved him. Taking the middle route was impossible. He was known and feared by many, his name itself being capable of scaring most of Hogwarts' population. Added the infamous knowledge of him being extremely dangerous whenever it suited him (which was unpredictable) and the entire population was shaking on their legs whenever Sirius Black was having one of his moods, which happened frequently and whenever he was bored.

Only his closest friends seemed immune to his sometimes psychopathic manners, having the capability of restraining him most of the time when things were getting out of control but whispers said that once one found himself on the wrong side of a Black, he was in for a death sentence. Not even a few friends would be able to hold him back then. Lily had a feeling she was in said person's position now and it made her feel more confident that he couldn't hurt her, as long as she didn't show fear no matter how intimidated she really felt by those icy grey-coloured eyes.

She sighed and pointed at James' chest, refusing to address her answer to Sirius. "You obviously still have your badge. I only restricted the powers that comes with it until we've spoken to the headmaster."

"And still you have the nerve to show your face." Sirius spat, walking towards her but was held back when James put a hand on his chest. "Maybe starry-eyed James is able to easily forgive you but that doesn't mean I will! You say James abuses his power but you're hardly Head Girl for a minute and you're already giving me a detention and ripping James of his rights as a Head Boy. You're such a hypocrite, Evans! It's more like you're abusing your power as a Head Girl instead of the other way."

"Excuse me?" Lily asked, dignified. "You punched someone in the face! I think that's reason enough for a detention!"

"A whole week? Admit it that you hate us!"

"Mate, calm down." James' poor attempt to stop his friend was ignored by them both. "This isn't helping."

"I do not hate you!" Lily shouted in return. "But the fact you're always bullying Severus doesn't exactly speaks to your advantage, Black!"

"See! You're prejudiced because that traitor used to be your friend."

"_I'm_ prejudiced?" Lily laughed heartlessly. "The moment he mentioned Slytherin, you decided he was trash. You didn't even try to know him. Do I have to explain more?"

James stepped in front of Sirius, who was about to launch into a fit or fight and whether it was verbal or physical, he obviously wanted to take precautions, knowing how his friend could loose himself once he became wounded in his pride.

"We don't have to know _Snivellus Greasy_ to know he's as slippery and sneaky as a serpent." James said, defending his friend. "He didn't hesitate to show his true nature. It was vile. And here you are still protecting him while he easily serves you on a plate to Voldemort! That reason alone is enough to never trust that git! To never try and get to know him!"

The few people who had gathered from the neighbouring compartments gasped when the Dark Lord's name was spoken aloud. A few scampered inside while others stayed but paled, their eyes wandering towards the windows in paranoia. It was an unspoken rule to never say his name out loud because those who did were told to have their lives end soon.

Lily was quiet. The echo of his fearful name was still hammering on her eardrums. Her stomach churned at the mentioning, knotting together in pure, white fear. She would never deny that Voldemort made her literally sick with fear. It was easier to think of the reasons for the war and defend her rights than to think of the monster that was behind all of it. She dreaded the possible day when she might have to face him, knowing that when she would, she would be tortured until she was screaming, begging to get killed.

It made her claustrophobic.

"Don't say his name," she whispered, trying to collect her wits back together. She knew she shouldn't let a stranger get to her so badly but the daily headlines of murders in the Daily Prophet made her stand on an edge. It was easy to escape the war at home where her mum and dad's only worry was the death of Elvis Presley in the middle of August, but it didn't mean Lily had forgotten how dangerous it really was. "You're upsetting everyone when you do."

James didn't reply but watched her. It made her feel anxious and she looked away. He wasn't supposed to see beyond the boundaries. Her fears were hers and hers alone. Not even her closest friends knew what really played inside her head when it came to war issues and she didn't want to give someone like James Potter munitions to get to her.

"I thought you had a bit more self-respect. I thought you knew the difference between traitors and those who are trying to protect you. Perhaps Snape has manipulated you for too long. Maybe you _are_ a lost cause after all." Sirius said, ignoring the silence.

He seemed a bit more reserved than earlier but his words stung more than an angry look could have done. She didn't understand what Sirius meant exactly but she realised that he was calling her a traitor. And this confused her more. Did he mean she was a traitor to her house or to herself? In either scenario, she always considered herself loyal to her house but she didn't agree with the centuries long animosity between the two rivalling houses. If that meant she was a traitor, then she probably was.

"_Sirius_."

Remus appeared in the doorway, his hand resting on Sirius' arm. Sirius frowned and stopped talking but never looked away from her. His intention was clear. He didn't like her and he probably never would. In fact, Lily was sure she would hear more from him and not in a positive way.

"Perhaps we should let James and Lily figure this out." Remus said calmly, gently pulling at Sirius' sleeve to follow Remus inside.

"Whatever," Sirius muttered before disappearing into the compartment and slammed the door closed.

An awkward silence fell upon Lily and James as they stood facing each other, the echoes of their fight still bouncing against the walls of their minds. Everyone else moved away until they were the only ones left standing. James eventually motioned for them to walk and Lily followed, her head hanging low while her thoughts roamed wildly.

What did Sirius mean if he meant she was a traitor towards herself? Was it because of her fragile position in this war as a Muggleborn? And because she still tried to protect Severus, no matter what he did in the past and was clearly after in the future? Perhaps it was foolish but Lily clung tightly to the fact they used to be friends. Yes, they couldn't be friends anymore because of what he believed in but it didn't mean they had to be enemies now. She would never forgive him for his deeds because he had hurt her deeply but it didn't make her forget how he'd been there for her when she needed him. Some things couldn't be forgotten, no matter how weak their bond was.

They stepped inside the prefect compartment and sat down opposite of each other next to the window. It was still empty and Lily was glad. They needed to talk if they wanted to work together this year but Lily didn't know where to start.

James coughed nervously while waiting for her to begin.

"He can be quite scary," Lily said eventually, at loss for saying anything else but desperate to start the conversation. They had never been this quiet around each other. In fact, they usually yelled and it obviously made them both uncomfortable that they hadn't anything to say to each other. This was definitely a situation outside their comfort zones.

James chuckled, relieved that the silence got killed. "Yes, he can be when he wants to but don't take it personal. Barking dogs seldom bite." And then, in afterthought he added: "However, I'm not sure if that applies entirely to Sirius."

Another awkward pause followed.

"Listen, Potter," Lily began but James interrupted her.

"James," he said with a tiny smile. "Call me James."

She knew she would have to make an effort, no doubt about that, but calling James by his first name was too ambitious when they had a history like theirs, so she shook her head in refusal. He was disappointed and the smile faded away.

"I reserve first name basis to my friends," Lily explained. "And don't get me wrong but we are far from being friends."

James shrugged, another smile appearing again as he tried to cover the disappointment. "At least you know I don't mind."

"I realise we may have started on the wrong foot today," Lily continued and took a deep breath. "And I may have overreacted earlier but-"

"Could you repeat that?" He asked, amusement shining in his eyes. "About the overreacting bit."

She sighed, refraining from rolling her eyes. "I may have overreacted earlier."

"Just a bit," he agreed, grinning at her but Lily ignored it.

"And I think it may have to do with the fact you and I have a complete different notion of what it takes to be a Head student and I wanted to talk about that."

James hesitated but nodded. "Okay. What does it take to be a Head student in your opinion, then?"

"Devotion. Responsibility. Respect. "

"Alright," he answered and seemed to think, frowning as he looked outside. "But what about being approachable to other students? In my opinion, a Head student shouldn't have a stick up in their arses but be nice, funny and open to other people's opinions."

"We don't have sticks up in our _arses_, Potter!" Lily said in shock.

"No? You just proved that by saying this." He stated. He took a moment to rub his eyes behind his glasses before he looked at her meaningfully. "You claim we judge easily yet, you have judged me before giving me a chance to show that I respect Dumbledore's decision to sign me as Head Boy. You have the idea that a Head student should have been Prefect first and I agree it is what normally is done but he has asked me. Would it really be so bad? Can't someone deserve being made Head Boy without being made Prefect first? What's so wrong about that? Or is it because it's me?"

"I want to know why he made you Head Boy."

"Not that it's any of your business but I assume it's because I saved Snape's life in fifth year." He shrugged, a hand brushing through his messy hair. "Not that I particularly had to but I'm not that cruel to let it happen either. After all he's done, I agree with Sirius that he deserved something, just not what happened."

"What really happened?" Lily asked, remembering when Severus had told her vaguely how much he had been in danger because of Sirius. "I know Sirius pulled a prank on Severus."

"Snape became too noisy to Sirius' liking so he decided to kill the snake's curiosity in the most threatening and careless way possible." James answered diplomatically. "When I heard what Sirius had done, I went after Snape and saved him just in time. In all honesty, Snape was lucky but that doesn't mean I agree what Sirius did."

"Severus never did anything but defend himself."

He laughed. "You clearly still believe in fairy tales. Snape is vicious, Lily. Maybe you are blind because I know you two were close but Snape sent more hexes to our turned backs than I can count on both my hands."

"Only because the two of you can't control yourselves and have to humiliate him!"

James frowned. "Lily, we were kids in our first year who thought it would be funny to prank him. It was him who began using dark magic and it moved on from there. At least we're not a coward and face him when we send a few spells."

Lily shook her head, not believing his words. "If he used dark magic, you should have told a teacher or prefect. Besides, I can hardly believe he would use it. He knows it's illegal."

"Where would the fun be in that?" James said jokingly before turning serious again. "The thing is, we were kids and thought we could handle it. I suppose it escalated from there but I want you to know that we didn't pick on him for being in Slytherin. Not anymore. We hate him for what he does. Sirius and I don't take it lightly when someone uses dark magic and we still don't."

"Yet you let him punch Severus without him doing anything wrong." She raised an eyebrow at him, wondering how he would talk himself out of this, knowing he hadn't anything to stand on.

"I didn't see him punch Snape," James said nonchalantly. "I can't punish Sirius if I didn't see it happen, can I?"

"_This_," Lily stated annoyingly. "_This_ is what I mean! You're biased! You pretend you don't know what happened just so your best friend could get off the hook! You deliberately made sure I wouldn't see it happen either but something went wrong in your plan because I did."

James shook his head. "If there's one thing you should know, it's the fact that Sirius might be my best friend but I'm not blind to his faults unlike some. I don't always defend his actions even though I understand why he did them."

"Are you saying that I'm blind?"

"Sometimes, yes."

"I know Severus isn't perfect," Lily almost snapped, hating how he made it sound like she was the one with faults and not him.

"Yet you always seem to think it's our fault when we try to defend and protect others."

Lily snorted. "You? Defending and protecting others? I'd like to know who needs protection and defending by you. It would be more believable if you said they needed protection from you."

James grew silent and turned away from her. "It's not in my hands to explain this. All you need to know is that it's not always going the way you think it is. Sirius knows I'm loyal to him but he also knows that when he's out of line I won't defend him. Maybe he shouldn't have punched Snape but the way he was looking at you made us feel uneasy."

"So you admit you knew what happened?"

"Maybe."

"Then why didn't you take responsibility?"

He rolled his eyes. "Would you give one of your best friends a detention because he did something you know you would have done too if you had had a chance?"

Lily's mouth fell open, not too sure how to respond. Would she? She didn't know.

"It depends," she began hesitatingly. "If it were something serious I would."

James nodded. "I would too. If I had been Head Boy two years ago, I would have given Sirius a month worth of detentions but punching Snape? That's far from being serious enough and he had a reason. I told him in the compartment he should have done it behind your back though."

"Am I supposed to think that's funny?"

"No, but admit it. If, let's say, Mary punched Sirius, you wouldn't have given her any detentions either."

"She would have a reason."

"So did Sirius."

Rubbing her forehead, Lily sighed. A small headache was taking shape again and the day had only begun. "This is getting us nowhere!"

"Only because you're too stubborn to see that maybe, Sirius' actions were justified and it wasn't up to me to interfere."

It was at that moment when the door opened, revealing Remus who walked slowly towards the empty seat next to Lily. He cringed when he sat down but then smiled at the two of them, completely oblivious to the fact Lily had an angry blush on her cheeks for being called stubborn.

"You alright, Remus?" James asked, also ignoring Lily as a look of concern crossed his face for a second.

"I'm fine," muttered Remus, rubbing his forehead to chase the tiredness from his eyes. "I tripped over my trunk last night and ended on my bum."

Remus attempted to smile but failed, a yawn escaping instead. Lily frowned realising Remus appeared like someone who had been ill only recently as the purple bags underneath his eyes stood in sharp contrast with the paleness of his skin. Immediately worried about her friend, Lily grabbed his hand. "Are you sure? You look ill."

She almost didn't notice it and when it had passed, she wondered if she had imagined it but she could swear she had seen a flicker of panic in his eyes when he had glanced at James. James' deep voice saved him before she could think more of it.

"Remus suffers from motion sickness."

His voice was cold and didn't tolerate any discussion on the matter. Lily didn't mind but she quickly checked on Remus through her eyelashes.

"Yes," he sighed and closed his eyes while waiting for the others to arrive for the Prefect meeting. "I can't wait to be back at Hogwarts."

Lily silently agreed and disagreed at the same time.

The enchanted castle held an atmosphere Lily would never be able to resist. The eleven-year-old child inside still laughed happily whenever a ghost walked through the walls and crossed the hallway. She was still mesmerised with the ceiling, checking the weather daily during breakfast. The fact she could turn a goblet into a bottle of wine she could actually drink, was still sometimes too much for her to grasp.

However, with each glorious moment spent at Hogwarts was also a downfall. A lot of people were of the opinion she didn't deserve the education and more often than she liked to admit to her friends, she was faced with people threatening her. She acted as if they couldn't get to her but in reality, it made her feel worthless. She knew she shouldn't let it come near to her heart but Lily couldn't help herself and sometimes wonder if she was truly worth it.

Her sister already believed Lily was a traitor towards her family and in this world it was obvious she was no longer entirely welcome either. It confused Lily. Where did she belong then? Her rights, the rights of Muggleborns, were wavering on a thin line and each moment could mean a change. It scared her.

But no matter what that change would bring, Lily decided she would fight because her heart, and though she loved her family, was with Hogwarts and the world it existed in. The excitement to make a difference and to count was too powerful to ignore and even though the wizarding world had its ups and downs, it was where she felt she belonged. It was her home because here she could be herself.

* * *

**A/N:** That's it for now! Leave a review to tell me what you think. We'll be at Hogwarts in the next chapter.


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