Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

Class let out early. It always did when they had a substitute teacher. Today, however, the sub had been given specific instructions on how to deal with the usually unruly, sometimes violent class.

The first two houses to get out of hand were to be assigned partners. "Mr. Slug-up-the-ass" as he was affectionately termed by many of his students, and even some from his own house, had already known who would misbehave. It would be Slytherin and Gryffindor. In his head he would have reversed it because, of course, as the Head of House of Slytherin it would be blamed on the lions whether they did anything or not. These were the tough cases, the houses whose hatred went back to the founding of Hogwarts when Salazar had chosen a darker way.

These two houses had partners already chosen, meant for learning and character building, but truly Professor Slughorn liked to make the little devil spawn suffer as much as possible. Instead of being mature and responsible, instead of acting as a teacher and trying to resolve the conflict, he tried his hardest to escalate the hatred at all costs. He picked people who spanned the gambit of both skill and merit as a person, potions student, and wizard. These partners would be paired all year, sharing grades on projects, potions, class work and tests.

The catalyst had been, inevitably, Sirius Black.

When a cloud of black sulfurous smoke erupted form the cauldron of a Slytherin James and Peter erupted into a raucous laughter. A sandy blonde that sat with these hooligans looked disappointed to say the least. No matter how hard he tried to keep them in line, nothing ever affected their crass behavior. They had long outgrew the angry stare, although, pitifully enough, counting back from three sometimes worked. In spite of his love of them as people, he didn't appreciate their stance on inter-house friendships, and was horrified by the fact that they felt that to be seen with a snake and not be planning to kill it was a mortal sin.

This one Slytherin was worse than others as far as the Three Gryffindor Amigos were concerned. He was their resident punching bag, a fact that disgusted Remus Lupin to unimaginable levels. This poor unfortunate soul that was being ostracized by the lions was the resident slimy git, good ole" Snivellus.

The potion had coated him in a bright green and everyone but four students in red and Severus himself were terribly concerned. The Marauders, sans Remus, didn't care because these were the three immature Gryffindors who had never been forced to grow up. They were known for their lack of positive emotions for anyone in green and silver, and more than hate for this specific dungeon bat. Said dungeon bat and Lupin were unconcerned because they both knew the potion was harmless.

If made incorrectly this potion could be deadly, especially with this much skin covered in the goopy concoction. Severus Snape and Remus Lupin were tied for the best potion maker in their year and, most times, were more able than the Teacher to brew potions of this complexity, so neither feared that Severus had made a mistake, and certainly not one egregious enough to be deadly. They were both sure that he would be fine, sticky, green, and angry, but unharmed.

This had lead to partners. The Slytherins retaliated verbally, enough to tell the sub to enact the plan. A plan that, had they known would be set in action, would have in itself been enough to stop the behavior. A plan to be avoided at all costs.

This was an advanced potions class with 6th and 7th years. This fact made partners harder, or easier if you chose to simply view Slughorn as a sadist. To truly ruin their lives some had to be switched within years as well.

The list of people started with non-important students. Once the first pair with a Marauder in it was called, "Sirius Black and Lucius Malfoy," there was an uproar, with hissing and booing. James even let a low cat-call slip before remembering Sirius sat right next to him. James earned a well placed elbow shot right to his thigh, just close enough to cause pause. Everyone in the class found it funny that the Slytherin 7th year man whore ended up partnered with the 6th year that could be the Gryffindors' answer to the blond headed, silver and green stud.

A few more pairs were called once the anger calmed down from the first really controversial partnership. The next partners did not gain cat-calls but did conjure the same hissing and boos. "James Potter and Rodulphus Lestrange," was only surprising because Rodulphus, though older, was a push over and with James' outlandish personality that would be a straight up hands down win for the brave, courageous, uncontrollable lions.

This was quickly repaired as "Peter Pettigrew,' was paired with "Bellatrix Black," which was another obvious win, only this time for the silver and green team. It was down to Lupin to decide because Sirius and Malfoy counted as a tie to everyone watching including themselves. That's a lot of pressure for a book worm of sixteen. This was always treated as a battle of good versus evil, like the war that all educated, informed students knew was taking place outside the safe walls of Hogwarts was also occurring in every classroom school wide. That is one way the Marauders justify what they did in their own consciences. Every time they put down a Slytherin they were fighting the war.

The next pair was a shock merely because it was another tie. "Remus Lupin, Severus Snape."

And so now all Gryffindors and Slytherins were retreating to their respective wings of the school to plan for the battle that was undeniably brewing behind this partner concept. They began planning in Gryffindor tower, or meant to, but as it was just the Marauders who saw it as a fight, and the Marauders were known for their lack of attentiveness until an actual prank was in play, planning wasn't being done.

"That fat slug," screamed Sirius. "I want to pour salt on him and watch him burn." No one blinked an eye at the cruelty. After a while, one gets used to Black's hidden cruelty, and, with his dark family, cruelty is better than most of what he could have inherited.

"That seems pretentious. It's the third week of school," remarked James.

Pettigrew saw his chance to fit it, and he always took a chance to fit in. He screamed, "he has no right," at the top of his lungs. It was desperate to others. The noble Gryffindors across the room were repulsed by the actions that were condoned in this group. James and Sirius loved the attention though, the stroke being appreciated by their already swollen egos.

"Calm down," Lupin, once again the voice of reason. "He can and has, we just need to," he was going to say something along the lines of survive when Sirius decided his ending would be better. "We need to get him back or suck it up."

Peter was all for either of the leaders suggestions, and interjected his own idea. "We should get the Slytherins to aid us in orchestrating his down fall." Everyone paused to stare at the pudgy rat, each with a different cruel comment to make.

"Do you even know what those words mean?" was Remus' comment, not biting because he was truly curious as to Peter's literacy.

"We hate them," James pointed out, also lacking vitriol.

"He is their head of house, dumb ass." Sirius never lacked spite and anger. Usually in high enough doses that just him walking down to breakfast was enough to make some first years run like hell itself was right behind them.

"Be nice Siri. You're the reason that we're in this mess to begin with." Lupin was sick of being the voice of reason and as the second statement began to sink in his voice began to modulate to the more guttural snarl of Mooney, the wolf that hides inside this thin brainiac.

"Rem, I wouldn't point fingers," Sirius decided to respond to the inner wolf calmly. "We all know he deserves it."

"How?" The wolf was getting more frustrated, sick of the little injustices in the world. The injustices that mostly came from this group.

"How what?"

"How did he deserve it?" asked Lupin, regaining control from Mooney, but still interested to know the answer. "What did he do exactly? What did he do to you other than exist?" That one struck at everyone of their heart strings because they all know that Remus felt he shouldn't exist.

Sirius had to tread carefully. He walked over to Lupin and took his hand, leading him to the dorm room so that they could go into the real issues at hand. Once inside the room and under strong silencing spells the conversation continued. "He is trying to expose you. Not on purpose. He doesn't know what he'll find out about, but we have got to stop him." James nodded along with what Sirius was saying. Peter looked so much more lost than normal, which was saying something.

"Rem, you know we all love you. I know it is hard, with all of the unfairness that you deal with on a daily basis, but he would expose you. He wouldn't have a problem with exposing you. You are too good to worry about him because he wouldn't worry about you if the roles were reversed." James gave Rem a hug, trying to squeeze the tears back into his eyes.

"Fine," was all Remus could say. He knew they were right. He knew they cared. But what they were doing wasn't right. He needed to think.

Snape would expose him. That was a big risk. Werewolves were hated at best and hunted at worst. He decided to take a walk to his little rock on the side of the lake. As he walked he pondered the enigma that was Severus Snape. He hated the Marauders and would do anything to destroy them, and yet he always seemed shocked when they came after him. Remus wasn't convinced he was cruel, though, just misunderstood. Life had been tough to poor Severus Snape, and the unfair precedent that the Marauders got over him only exacerbated the flaws in his already fractured psyche. He tried to be like everyone else and failed, mostly due to the Marauders' antics.

Remus settled into his spot by the lake, the same place he went every time he needed a break from the monotonous, cultureless drivel spewed forth by his best friends.

The sun was setting on a hard day of trying to reason with his pig-headed cohorts. It was times like these that he had a hard time remembering why he stayed with them. Then he viewed the purple sky, the streaks of red, and, in the far corner of his vision, the moon. Just a crescent, nearly non-existent, but to one so attuned to it, it stood out like a Slytherin in a sea of Gryffindor. He loved the guys. He really did but they were malicious. They picked Snape because he was weak and wounded. He had been abandoned by his guardian angel. Anyone could see that what ever figure protected the other students it had either missed or sacrificed him.

Remus understood that, could comprehend being left to be, to make it on your own merit. He had been. Fate had shown him a cold shoulder, turned him out to freeze.

He had been bitten as a child He was a werewolf from childhood. A teenage werewolf in a culture that saw werewolves as beasts, as if being a teenager, fitting in as an awkward teenager wasn't hard enough. He didn't need to add onto that the fact that he was a sub-human life form.

Snape might not know it but Remus tried to protect him as best he could. He would sway the group from the more dangerous and unnecessarily hurtful plans.

Snape would be dead if it were not for Lupin. One day, Sirius had decided that the acromantula was lonely and tricked "Snivelly" into the woods looking for mushrooms for a potion. Lupin had called to him, pretending to be McGonagall. Snape had run. He had been pissed, but alive.

The Black Lake was causing sparkles, glittering rays of reflected and refracted sunlight scattered across the school grounds. The lapping on the beach should have been relaxing, calming waves against gravel. Yet all he could think of was erosion. How his life was being eroded away by the stress of Dumbledore asking him to manage the unruly Gryffindors who had originally been brought together to watch him. Watching Snape bullied and doing nothing.

His conscience was angry. No, not angry, livid. How dare he let any being suffer? If it was within his power to stop it, why didn't he? Was it within his power?

He closed his eyes, trying to drown his misery in imaginary music. He was sick of hearing or thinking. He was a wizard and if he wanted to blast punk rock then he damn well would blast punk rock.

He pulled out his wand and conjured a little tape player. With magic he didn't need tapes or power and soon all he could hear was a loud angry, angst riddled female screaming about how much her parents made her mad. He wouldn't admit it, but he was a fan of the whinging, and loud drum solos. Sometimes he would wonder if he was really just one teenager or many split personalities. He loved to study and read. He loved a good Beethoven or Mozart and a good book. He liked to organize and keep everything in its clear concise position. He liked to pull pranks and stare at a wall for hours because he didn't want to get out of bed to get the homework that was due in less than ten hours. He liked to listen to teenagers complain about everyday problems so he understood what upsets the regular people his age.

He didn't want to worry about love or hormones. He did prefer Sirius' way with women to James and Peter. They would go on and on about how "it broke my heart, the thought of her, my angel kept from heaven." Sirius was straightforward. He didn't care who. Gender meant nothing. He picked the best specimens and walked around with them till he got bored with them. He could have fucked them, anyone of them, but he wanted it to be special, his first time. He didn't expect magic or love, just meaning.

James had been hung up on the same girl since first year. Lily Evans had spent much time politely telling James to back off. That brought up another reason that the cluster hated Snape. He was a good friend of Lily's. Lily was in their potions class. She hadn't been paired though, both because she had been absent and Horace considered her among his favorite students ever.

Class would be hard. It was always hard to keep them on track and in line in classes with the snakes, yet now that Siri blamed Snape for being assigned a snake for the rest of the year it would be impossible to help anything from across the class room. They often forgot who started the fights. The disagreements always ended up being the other guys fault, almost always Snape's.

Remus decided to return to the castle. He was safe out at night and no teacher would bother him, but he wanted to go check a book out of the library and then check and see how much progress the boys had made on their work. The homework which should be finished, but won't be.

He was so distracted by his moral conundrum that he failed to notice that a shadow a few clumps of trees down the shore had turned to see him leave.

He also didn't notice that this figure was remarkably similar to the center of his drama.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey! Its pretty clear already but I don't own Harry Potter. You could sue me, but I have nothing and I admit its not mine so you really wouldn't gain anything.

Chapter Two

Once the figure of Lupin's back faded into the distance and began to blend in with the school Severus took stock of his position in things.

Severus felt so alone. He liked to sit at the lake, enjoyed the solace. He had never noticed before but Lupin did too. He would have to be partners with him all year. This was the first thing that Severus saw that they had in common.

He could barely stand the amount of contact they had already. sitting and sharing time in Severus' favorite class just wasn't okay. It was another intrusion on his life and personal rights.

It wasn't Lupin so much. It was the trash he associated with. Lupin was smart. He was dignified. Black was stupid, just like the inbred swine he was sprung from. They underestimated Severus. Severus had more muscle behind him than they knew.

He had given up. Last year he had gone to the dark side. The Dark Lord had been more than willing to except poor Severus, the half-blood whose parents deserted him. He had gone out of a desperation to not be underestimated anymore. The Dark Lord loved the concept of a young spy in Hogwarts. The fact that Severus was at the top of his class in everything and could out perform the potions master in charge of the instructions was just an added bonus to the formerly Slytherin mastermind.

He had underestimated himself though, because the next day he had gone to Dumbledore. He couldn't support a madman who wanted to kill Lily and everyone like her for who her parents were. He would hate to be judged based on his parents. He wouldn't let that happen to Lily.

He didn't love her the way everyone thought he loved her. He loved her with a brotherly passion, like a substitute family for the family he rejected and who rejected him. He wanted better for her. He wanted better than Potter at least.

Dumbledore had told him what to do. His Headmaster had told him to act as a double agent, and so he did. He already knew clemency, one of the only positive things to come from his home life. With a spy the Order, the group fighting Voldemort, would be safer and better prepared to both attack and defend.

Snape had no delusions of grandeur. He knew his life meant little to anyone. His dad made that very clear from the day his mom died, which just happened to fall on his tenth birthday. And if he ever forgot, heaven forbid, that know one cared the Gryffindors reminded him. If he ever dare be happy they put him back in his place.

He didn't feel his life was important, so risking it in Voldemort's lair was nothing compared to what it could do to save other, more valuable lives. Lives like Lily's were in danger and if he got a chance to help, help in anyway, the possibility of death was worth it.

Snape watched the sun set and thought of this war. It would change the world. Was changing the world already. He was fighting it now, with every breath. Black would never understand. It didn't matter that he was risking his life to protect the group that Black and the other so desperately wanted to join. He could stop the abuse, but no one could know so Snape would just have to suffer.

It reminded him of Goliath. Voldemort so out powered them. They were the long shots, severe underdogs and yet they kept fighting. They couldn't surrender when innocents were at risk.

It wasn't just the corrupted quartet that picked on him. Slytherins would only defend him against them as a matter of house pride. The gold and red lions couldn't win. Once it was just snakes back in the snake the pit they would gang up on him.

Black and Potter mocked his greasy hair. It was only greasy because he was only allowed to shower in cold water. In payment for his cold shower he would receive a severe beating. Because of this he tended to avoid the common room and dorm. This made showering difficult. If he were a prefect he could still bathe but Dumbledore didn't want to give him power over the golden boys of Gryffindor. He didn't get the privilege of wearing the badge and so didn't get the privilege of cleansing. He had trouble simply surviving with the hate coming from both sides of house lines. Showering was a low priority

He had needed a place to sleep, usually ending up falling asleep in the library. One day he had been pacing in front of a wall and a door had appeared, leading to a room with a bed and a shower. He had been showering recently, but that didn't register to anyone. They saw greasy whether it was there or not.

He had been sleeping too, which made it easier to stay positive about his life. Sleep does ones sub-conscious wonders. The calming effect of being both clean and comfortable was incredible. The concept of safety and sanctity while he slept in this magic room was, well, magic.

The sun had gone down and in its wake was a sliver of moon and a scattering of twinkling stars. He had never liked constellations much, never put much stock in Astronomy but his mom had loved it. Ophiuchus, the snake handler had always made his mouth feel dry. The concept of someone taming a snake, when he so clearly would be snake, was disturbing. His mother had been in Slytherin, as well as both of her parents, and grandparent back as far as could be traced. He was a serpent. His mom had often talked of Ophiuchus like one would talk about a historical figure, or someone who would come to the rescue.

Ophiuchus didn't bother him anymore. He was a snake charmer. He walked the line between sneaky and evil. He helped the lions control one out of control snake. He was fighting evil by embracing the snake like qualities that had been bred into him. The only part of the mythology that bothered him now was the fact that Ophiuchus would be fighting Serpens the snake forever. He just had to hope that with all the people fighting for the light that someday someone would kill the monster.

He actually enjoyed the concept of fighting Voldemort. If he died, at least he died for a good cause. He would be happy to affect the outcome. He never expected to matter. Everyone depended on him now. If he wanted he could clinch the war for Voldemort. Good for Dumbledore though, was the fact that once he made a decision he stuck to it. He decided to help the cause against Voldemort. Against the embodiment of evil.

He saw clouds, heard thunder somewhere close to his castle residence and chose to move himself and his thoughts inside. He would stop by the library. He needed a book on a dangerous potion. He would need to steal the ingredients, but he needed some more material on what it needed first.

Voldemort wanted to test Severus' potion making ability and was going to test it on a faithful follower. Something about Severus seemed to speak to what used to be the Dark Lords heart. He saw himself in the child of a mother who had a long line of purebloods and a father who was a dick. They shared both characteristics. Snape had decided he wasn't going home this summer. Voldemort had read this in his mind, because Snape had to let some things threw that would seem to personal to be an accident. He had let Voldemort see that he also had no where to go over the summer if not back to his abusive father. Voldemort had promised to fix a place for the young student with one of his followers. He had been promised a place in the heart of the beast.

Snape wouldn't go, but things had escalated at home. Verbal and emotional abuse were bad, but the past summer it had turned physical. His dad had actually cut him in a drunken rage. He would be dead if he didn't make a good blood replenishing potion. His dad was a bitter muggle and wouldn't miss him at all. His mother had been Eileen Prince. He embraced his half of Prince and referred to himself as the Half-blood Prince

He hadn't decided to stay with a fellow follower but he had a year to decide and anything would be better than his dad, especially in a world were Voldemort greatly appreciated him. He would be protected.

He trudged up to the castle, taking the same pace and path as Lupin had half an hour earlier. He met no one in the hallways and was not shocked to find the library nearly deserted. He went to the potions section, conveniently located right next to the restricted section. While the librarian wasn't watching he jumped the rope barrier and hid amongst the shelves. Another lucky break, in his life filled with so few, was that the book he needed would be in the very backmost corner, actually impenetrable save by one walk way the ran in opposite directions from a little makeshift room constructed of book shelves, outside it was surrounded by tables which lead to the distinctive shape and unique get away. Once in the 'room' he quickly removed the book he needed from the shelf and sat down to find the page.

He was minding his own business, using a spell to transfer the information into his notebook. He had just completed the copying and slid the notebook inside his robes when someone stumbled over him. This would be perfectly normal if this wasn't located in the restricted section. And, Snape figured, the fact that who ever it tripped over him did so while invisible had something to do with the incongruity.

Who ever it was took the book, evident by the floating tome, and something obscured Snape's foot for a fraction of a second. Snape knew DADA and reached out to grab the cloak. It fell revealing Lupin.

"Snape," Lupin greeted trying to sound nonchalant. He wasn't angry to see the Slytherin here, but he could tell the Snape was far from thrilled. His query as to the nature of Snape's foray into the restricted section died in his throat.

"Lupin," Severus growled furiously. He was unpleasantly surprised to see one of the Marauders high jacking his book, regardless of the fact that he already had a copy of the information. The Marauders always took the credit for what he did. Always ended with the school loving them more and ignoring Severus or worse. They also, often, pawned the blame off onto Severus' already overburdened shoulders. They weren't responsible for giving food poisoning to half of the school, it was Severus' fault for incensing Sirius Black.

"How lovely to see you,: said Lupin genuinely. He wasn't looking forward to this conversation, but he didn't dislike the Slytherins, or this Slytherin in specific. "I look forward to potions tomorrow." This, too, was true. Remus was sick of doing all of the work for the Marauders. If they were going to fail, it would be better for them to learn than copy up until the test and then fail. "I can't wait to be your partner." this was punctuated with the closet to a genuine smile as Remus ever got. He was trying to show Snape that he wouldn't be cruel, that he wouldn't torture him. Snape just took this as an early start on the torturing. He felt Remus must be using obviously fake smiles to try to win his way into his frozen heart so that the Marauders could pull another sick and twisted joke on poor Severus the put upon.

Snape wanted to protect the school from these monstrosities that had been released into the school. Black with too much energy and gumption. James with to much ego and pretension. Peter with…too little of anything to be anymore than their little marionette. Remus had never fallen into this category. Even Remus didn't feel he truly belonged with them. He didn't like there stupid, cocky torment of Snape or their other, weaker peers.

"Don't mess with me Lupin. What are you up to with dangerous potions?" The assumption that he meant the whole group hung in the air like a led balloon. O

"Its not we, its me, as alone." They both knew if it were just Lupin the bookworm who wanted the knowledge then there was no problem. But if there terrible twosome and there pitiful patsy Peter than there would be problems for Severus if not the whole school. "I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone." It was spoken in a distant manner, but under the surface it was Remus begging and pleading.

"Why? Why should I?"

Remus didn't meant to say it. He had been planning on never using this. He was desperate to keep this from the populace at large and from three dimwitted Gryffindors the most of all. "You owe me." It just slipped out.

Severus didn't understand but really wanted this explanation

"What do I owe you, Lupin?" It was a snarl, almost feral. It was like Severus had a reason to be angry at Remus. As far as Remus concerned Snape being angry was comical. He had enough on his plate with out dealing with a bitchy Slytherin.

Lupin's face grew dark, clouded. He looked angry and sad at the same time. He had never been happy-go-lucky to say the least, but Snape had never seen Lupin so unhappy. It was like on a color wheel if you could find happy, Lupin right now was its perceptual opposite. It was the same look that Snape's father had worn at the funeral, before things truly went sour. Lupin seemed to not be breathing, the pain to much to bear when combined with the pain of breathing.

Lupin's eyes cleared and focused on Snape. "I guess it would be too much to ask," he started, pausing for another arduous breath, "that you might be willing to just take my word for it." He didn't want to explain. No one cared but him, and yet he was being hindered by one who owed him dearly.

Severus laughed. "Hell no Lupin. You are cohorts with Black and Potter. I trust nothing of yours. I will not let it go, the potion or 'my debt'' he started just self-confident, but towards the end as the first words sunk in his words got snaky.

How was Lupin supposed to explain when he had so much to hide?

He decided to just not tell him. He would leave Severus the bought. He would be the bugger man and let Severus continue to believe the lies he spewed forth. The normally neutral face of Snape was drawn up in over-confidence. Lupin could take the wind from his proverbial sails in a heart beat, but until he could make the decision and be sure that anger was not a deciding factor he would not tell Snape. Right now it would be a malicious attack whether it was the truth or not.

Lupin was crushed. His adrenalin had stopped and if he didn't hurry he would be to tired to make any get away, much less the grand get away he so desperately craved. He needed to act on his self-sacrificing plan. He was beginning to wonder if he was capable of any other type of plan.

"Fine Snape," he said with more energy and aggression than he felt he had in him. "Take the book. If it is so fucking important take the damn book. I won't keep the book. I won't rat you out to the administration." Remus didn't know why but using the word rat instead of snitch seemed more appropriate. It almost brought a smile to his face, the thought of their resident rat Peter ever growing enough of a spine to ever rat on anyone. He almost laughed, the sick twisted irony adding more to his insanity in this conflict

He remembered Snape when he heard a shuffle of robes. No one had ever seen Remus this mad and Severus wanted to live much more than he wanted the book. Remus snapped at him simply, "Take the book," as he slammed into him with his full weight. He left the book behind, only sure that Severus had recovered partially from the blow because he heard no thud of an impact.

I don't wanna be one of those authors that hound for reviews but we just gotta be who we are so if you are reading this I would like feed back. I don't care if you hate it just let me know please. I would be thankful.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey again! I still dont own Harry and his crew.

Chapter Three

Snape was too stunned to do anything but watch the sandy blond walk away. He had the book. That was all that mattered, so why did he feel so unsatisfied?

Lupin felt smug, if not unsettled by the conversation, and the emotions brought up by such a nearly volatile encounter. Snape was a douche but Remus had decided that if supplied with the proper amounts of sunshine he could bloom. This assumption was based o the fact that he had seen two actual smiles grace the face of this sad, disheartened youth. Both had occurred in the sun, under a tree, with a large book in his hand. Everyone would have believed that that is where Lupin would smile, but really they would be wrong only for the fact that unless someone is watching judging Remus didn't smile.

If Lily and sunshine could make Severus smile then Remus should be able to at least prevent more damage.

Snape clearly didn't realize how much Remus did. How could he though? He was but another emotionally stunted youth taken secretly under Remus' wing. He currently watched Sirius, Peter, Snape and Malfoy. It probably wasn't right to pick and choose but these were the youth in danger, either emotionally or physically. They still had hope and using all of his powers, both magic and just plain muggle skill he planned to help save these woe-begotten youths.

Remus spent all of his time on classes or extra-curricular. Saving the less fortunate and what not, which was really to bad because even knowing all of this, knowing all he did, he still felt he was worthless, felt he shouldn't exist. He was the worst off. Life had been cruel to the seventeen year old who tried so hard to help someone, everyone and still suffered. Karma was one jank-ass bitch, or at least Sirius thought so.

Remus had the list of ingredients and the next step was to gather the ingredients so he might as well get them now before he forgot or lost the list. The list was all speculation though, so he grab a few other basic things in case this test failed.

Snape didn't realize that Lupin walked out of the library with Snape's own list. Lupin was a great pick pocket, with the werewolf sense and speed that he could use whenever he needed. An invisibility cloak didn't hurt though.

Snape ran after Lupin. He stopped and screamed and Lupin didn't turn or even pause, knowing Snape had just discovered his list missing. The library was now closed and he would have no way to gain access to them. He had used his time to get the notes and now had nothing to show for it.

Once secure under the invisibility cloak he made his way to the potion master's stores. He would only steal the rare ingredients as he already had a large supply of most of the usual ingredients in his kit at all times. He already had his kit set up in his secure brewing location in the second floor girls lavatory. He had left it of the map that the guys made so that the guys couldn't find him if he didn't want to be found. It would be ok if he was left alone until the brewing was over.

He had never been much for alone time, but this called for it. With the friends he had he had grown out of a fear alone time because he needed to keep his sanity. Work helps him as much as alone time does. Luckily this project had both. He got both whenever he decided to do work because the other three had never been much for work. They would always bale if he mentioned work, so he would time off of babysitting too.

This potion would help both of those and of course do what it was designed to do. He liked this potion mostly because it was strictly hypothetical at this point. It left him some work to do. His brain loved extra work both for the slightly overstressed feeling and because he didn't have to think about his life.

He was already beginning to introspective just by admitting that much to himself. He turned hi eyes to the potion list and tried to make it hypothetically stable. The only problem was that his eyes stung and were filled with tears to the point that he couldn't see the list, much less the items on it.

Tears had not been shed in years. Not since second year when he had transformed and woken up surrounded by centaurs trying to kill him. It always made his eyes water.

He decided to let it happen. The tears had been welling up for ages and really needed a release. He was sick of the never ending emotions that swirled around his insides, feeling like they were eating him alive.

He sank to the bathroom floor, confident he wouldn't be bothered because of the loud ghost that reside in one of the stalls. He wasn't sobbing, just leaking water from his eyes. He was lost in memories of centaurs and parents and hatred. He didn't hear the door open in spite of the obnoxious creak it made.

Severus had followed him to the bathroom and was just watching. Snape didn't know what to do, or feel. He had been planning on using a new curse on him, just to test. He had been planning on taking all of the potions equipment Lupin had. What he now saw had him dumbstruck. Lupin, stoic, calm, even-tempered Lupin was crying on the bathroom floor. Snape wasn't good with people he liked, as few as they were, much less people he despised with all of his heart and soul.

Through the window could be seen a silver sliver of moon. How odd that just an hour ago Lupin had been as content as he ever was and retreating in the setting sun. The pale light shown on, dancing off of the faucets and mirrors, leaving Lupin looking ethereal. Slow tears slid down his down turned face and his arms were held out in front of him in either reverence or disgust. Their sleeves were rolled back above his elbow and from where Severus was, with the light of the moon, lines were visible. No. Scars. They were directly above his veins on either wrist. Remus ran a finger over his defined marks.

All that Severus could think was why. How could normally content Remus do this to himself? Remus leaned down and kissed each long healed wound.

It was Severus' sudden in take of breath that caught Remus' attention, bringing him from his memories and into the here and now. He looked to the door and saw a familiar, unwelcome face.

His tear strewn face immediately turned defensive. No matter how weak he was Snape needn't know it.

The light on the tears and scars brought Snape to his knees. If Remus lost it with the protection and love of the Marauders and the rest of the school, with a charmed life, how was Severus supposed to hold it together?

"Why?" He whispered. "Why would you, surrounded by Saint Potter and suave Black need to resort to that despicable attempt at an out?"

He was bright red in the face. He was wondering why he cared so much. He hated Lupin as he hated Black and Potter. Lupin didn't condone what they did but he didn't do anything to stop it. He was a prefect and had the power at his fingertips and he still refused to help him. He still refused to let Severus have peace in a single aspect of his life.

Lupin read Snape's face and answered both the spoken and unspoken questions hanging in the air between them. The air was thick as he spoke the words, "I didn't."

Lupin turned his head away in shame, thinking that what he had said would be enough for anyone to automatically jump to the appropriate conclusion. In his tear addled brain it was Snape's fault he had had to ask, had had to put Remus through the horror of saying those two simple words aloud for everyone to hear.

Of all the answers he could have received this was the least expected. When you ask someone why they killed themselves you don't expect "I didn't" as an answer.

"Don't lie Lupin. I have the power here. Poor brave Gryffindor hiding in the girls lavatory to cry. You don't call the shots and you certainly don't get to lie."

"I didn't." It seemed comically but Remus was to sad to smile and Snape was to mad see that it wasn't meant to be mocking.

"You are not funny. This is pathetic. You and you friends are pathetic. The fact that you hid from them in the girls room is…you guessed it…pathetic." Snape was being vicious, enjoying the fact that he knew he was emotionally safe because Lupin was nice and kind. He helped first years, and not just to look good, just because. He had a bake sale and gave the proceeds to an orphanage. He was the type to give you his jacket because you said you were cold, even though you already had a coat and he was wearing short sleeves.

"You have no idea what you're talking about. You wouldn't understand if I spelled it out for you. If you want to believe I'm emo and tried to do myself in then fine. I don't care what you think. You don't care about me. I don't give a fuck." Instead of his anger showing as anger it showed as tears and sadness. Well, more tears and sadness than already being exuded by the boy.

"So tell me. If you didn't kill yourself in soul and make an attempt in body, then what happened. Because this one is black and white. Attempted suicide or not." Snape sat down by Lupin, legs drawn up, chin on knees the way any hyper child does when it knows it needs to stay in control if it wants to learn something very important. Severus couldn't contemplate why he was still here. He was a Slytherin threw and threw even if his housemates hated him. He should be using this knowledge to torment the cowering teen in front of him. He should use it to extort protection from Black and Potter. They would do anything to keep it under wraps that their personal bookworm got a some more than paper cuts in his many outlets. And yet Severus sat and tried to not make the poor child suffer anymore than he already was. Severus was beginning to think that he should visit the hospital wing because him not using this meant he was very sick indeed.

Remus closed his and tried to envision himself anywhere else. He felt Snape's eyes on him and flinched form the judging vibe that rolled off of him in waves. It was my parents." Snape didn't know what to say. He thought that surely the boy was being overdramatic. It was clearly just a metaphor. His parents made him want to die therefore it was their fault he tried.

"Parents are rough. I'm sure they're better now." Again Severus had no idea why he was trying to help. No one helped him. He was desperately trying to convince himself that he just wanted more information. The longer Lupin talked the more there was to use against him.

Remus looked down trodden. Snape knew his biggest secret and didn't believe him He just wrapped his arms around his knees and sobbed, sinking lower than he would have thought possible half an hour ago.

Life had been unkind to Remus. Maybe even more so than Severus. And Severus, though not causing intentional pain at the moment wasn't helping, at all. Not in any way.

"Explain it to me," sad Severus. He didn't really care. He just wanted him to stop crying. Snape hated tears. Tears always reminded him of his mother. He did what he did back when his mother cried all the time. He approached Lupin slowly and then held the wizard.

Two peers who loathed each other. It was actually almost sweet. A third party who knew both of them, or even just what houses they were in would believe that meds had been forgotten before they would believe that this was actually occurring.

Remus stopped crying when he felt the arms surround him He jumped when one hand slid along his wrist. In a flash he was against the opposite wall, cradled even tighter in his own limbs than before.

"Tell me you didn't mean it, Severus." Snape didn't know what he meant. Maybe he had been a little more feeling than most knew him capable of but he had done nothing outwardly wrong. Unless Lupin had used legimency and read Snape's thoughts of selling this secret for all he could get.

"Didn't mean what? And since when do am I Severus to you? Its usually Snivellus." He was being vile. The remembrance of his mother was set aside for the moment. His own words brought up hate filled memories and Severus decided to taunt this soul and mocking himself in the process. "Last I checked it was Snivellus, or do you prefer Snivelly?" Remus flinched at each of the nick names, the cutting words making him feel like more of a monster than usual.

Some part of Snape saw this as wrong, but another bigger part could forget the little voice and focus on the hate. How could the little voice expect him to help when he hated?

I got one review. I don't mind one review. But I want to let you know how much a review means to me and all writers. I checked my status at 12 at night and saw that someone reviewed. I was like "wow" someone liked it. So I stayed up until now finishing this chapter, Im all out of chapters that are prewritten and I need support if you guys think its worth continuing. I dont wanna be that person so, if it bugs you, just ignore my little rant. Its cool. I'll still write any ways. It'd just be nice to continue to get feed back.


	4. Chapter 4

I be back. Sorry for the fact that this ones short. I didnt want to stretch it too far. I still dont own Harry Potter but it is on my wishlist if you wanna get it for my birthday. Its in about a month.

Chapter Four

Remus was having an intense flashback. As he had wished earlier to be anywhere else, he know wished to be back in the room with Snape. At least with Snape there he didn't have to relive this.

Snape watched this. He watched a nearly grown man behave like a scared child. He watched as Lupin twitched from danger that wasn't really in the bathroom with them. Snape realized that now was his chance to escape. He had cared enough to get credit for being a good person. He had stayed long enough to not feel like a total douche for leaving. He also knew that Lupin was having a legit breakdown and nothing he could do would help.

With this knowledge at his side he decided to pack up all of his newly acquired materials and leave before someone caught the Slytherin caring. Slytherins hated him enough already, why should he give them more of a reason.

Remus didn't know when Snape left. He did know he would though. In his mind he saw the memory so vividly. Snape had asked Remus to relive the horror of that day and he was.

It was years ago. Remus was only seven years old. He had just been attacked. His wizard parents had known what it meant. Fenrir Greyback had succeeded in changing this young child. His parents had smiled and held him close. They had told him they loved him

His parents ran hi a bath. He was severely torn up and they had said they wanted to wash him up. They had held him close as the water ran into the tub. They had never been clingy but they seemed to refuse to put him down.

The bathroom was bright white. It was covered in little red drops of Remus' blood. They had looked sadly and said that they would clean it up once he was taking care of. It had sounded so sickly sweet. It was like they loved him again, like they had when he was younger, before they lost the baby.

His mother had been pregnant when Remus was three and had miscarried. His parents had turned sour then, not as kind and loving as before. It didn't make sense to Remus. He hadn't done anything wrong. But it was okay now because he was hurt and they were going to make him all better and love him like they used to.

He had quivered in his mothers arms as the water was drawn. It didn't look warm like his baths normally were. She had run loving fingertips up his arms, along his wrists. She had said it was because it was the only part that wasn't already injured. She had said it was because this wouldn't hurt him like touching him in other places might upset the wounds. He had believed it. It hadn't seemed right but he was seven who was he to judge.

He had been so scared still. That creature was still out in the night. The moon shown through he window. All he could feel was his mothers finger tips on his wrists, like that was somehow important. He moaned a little as she lowered him into the bath. The motion jostled his ribs. He had been right, the water was much too cold. It stung in his open wounds. He was pretty sure it was supposed to though. It was whatever potion his dad had put in the tub. It stopped stinging soon though, just as his mom promised.

His parents had put some soap on a wash cloth and used it to clean the dry blood from off of his face. It was strange that the were doing this the muggle way. They never gave him baths the muggle way. He had asked about it. They had said that tonight was a big deal and they wanted to make it special. His dad had looked right into his eyes and told him how terribly brave he was being. His mom had broken down and cried. They had both just stared at him, his mom through the tears in her eyes. All that he felt was cold. He didn't feel the pain anymore. Only cold. He had told them that. They had looked sadly at each other.

The white walls suddenly seemed darker. His parents were sad he was hurt. How could he worry them like this? They had already lost their baby. He had no right to make them worry for him. He was their only and he had no right to worry them. He looked into his mothers eyes. Her auburn hair was dripping wet. He had told her not to worry. He had said that he was fine. He felt better already. They could just put him in his bed and in the morning he would be fine.

His mom had begun to sob then, wailing like someone had died. His dad told her to leave the room. He had said that he could handle it. Handle it? He had been puzzled because that didn't sound sweet.

He had looked in his father eyes. The love had left them as soon has his mother left. Didn't they know he was still scared? Just because he didn't want them to worry didn't mean he didn't want the to care.

His father walked closer and sat beside the tub. He had held Remus' hand. It was nice, the first father son bonding in a really long time. The grip got uncomfortable. The painful. He had cried out. His father had said something about how they clearly weren't meant to have kids. But they still had him. He was still there. His father pushed him under the water. He screamed. He could still hear his mother wailing in the next room. His dad had lost it but his mom would help him. He heard the front door open and closed. She had left. He was still screaming. His mom had gone to get help. He just had to survive until she came back. She would hurry back..

His kicking and thrashing slowed but his dad was upset. He said that "they" took more to kill. Remus didn't understand who they were. His dad had just said "they" took longer to kill. Was he the "they"? Why was he being targeted? Why did the comfortable ignorance of him suddenly turn murderous. His dad pulled out a knife. Where he was hiding it Remus didn't know. Remus didn't care. Using his elbow to hold Remus under his father had grabbed for his wrist and slit it. It should have hurt. Remus knew it should have hurt. He waited for the pain.

He felt no pain though. In later years he had speculated as to why it didn't hurt. His dad would have said it was because he was a monster and monsters felt no pain. His mom would have said it didn't hurt because they loved him and did it for love. When he was little he believed it was the second reason, the love. Around ten he decided it must be the first. Monsters didn't feel pain. But then one day he had fallen through the Black Lake and gotten trapped beneath the ice. Ironically enough he had been following Snape and Malfoy to make sure Malfoy didn't put Snape under the ice. Remus had gone without oxygen for a minute and a half. He thought he had died. When Sirius pulled him out he was unconscious. He never asked Sirius why he was there,

When he recovered in the hospital wing he was told he had had three broken ribs, Sirius' attempt at CPR. This stunned him. He had felt no pain because he had been deprived of oxygen. That is his knew theory. His parent s didn't love the hurt away. The monster did feel pain. The lack of oxygen made him numb.

He still wondered how he survived. This is one he wish he could ask someone about. Would just being a werewolf make him that much harder to kill? Or was it just half assed to begin with? When he came to he had been alone in an ice cold tub of water. His parents had fled the house. All of his things were left. They didn't care enough to take a memento of their only child.

The ambulance had arrived minutes after his call. They said they had at least. He had lost conciseness again by the time they got there. The case worker he had been assigned to had been horrified by his tale. The foster family had been hideous, everyone of them. The homes always reminded him of the dreadful look in his fathers eyes. More people who didn't want him. Would they try to kill him too. When he received his Hogwarts letter he had been thrilled. He had heard his parents talk of it but his memories of his parents where jumbled, filled with monsters and crocodile tears.

He had a home when he arrived at Hogwarts. Albus had taken him under his wing. He didn't even know the truth of his parents. Remus hated having to keep this from them. He loved the guys, the support they gave him. They already pitied him. He didn't need them to pity him for more than just the monster.

Remus still had no idea how no one noticed the scars. Snape was the only one and that was with a pretty obvious hint on Remus' part. He liked to kiss his scars. It was sick but it was all he had left of his parents. He was the only monster that had nothing of his parents. He tried to think positively of them. How could he hate who begot him? He couldn't. And if he was going to love the people who so intentionally tried to mortally wound him, then he had to try to love the nearly fatal wounds, and their scars. Even though he knew, or thought he knew, that only his father drew a blade, he liked to pretend the were a joint gift. If the were then he could stay in touch with both of his parents without having to see their faces. Without having to remember the dead pan look on his father's face.

This plan hadn't worked so well tonight. He had been doing fine until something set him off. He had lost it. And now some vile little snake knew his secret. He knew he had to get up. Somewhere Snape was telling someone, using it as leverage. He slowly struggled to his feet, legs wobbly. He looked around at a bathroom of all places. He remembered all the stuff he had had with him.

That fucking sneaky git. "Fucking hell." He had whispered it. Remus was so angry he was shaking harder than he ever had, except during transformations. He helps the little bastard. He keeps him alive. In a moment of weakness he tells him his deepest darkest secret. And now "Snivelly" decided to waltz off with all of his stuff. Snape would have to make it on his own for a few days. Remus was to mad to get anywhere near a plan against Snape. Being this angry the plan would soon turn murderous and Sirius and James would have no problem with murdering a certain snaky bastard if Remus asked them. He wouldn't even have to say why. They would just kill the little fuck.

He needed to go somewhere other than the dorms right now. If he went there right now they would wake up and ask hi if something was wrong. He would lie of course but they'd see through and ask who to kill. And he would say Severus and it would be considered done. Its not like this hadn't been a threat before. It was a daily thing. Sirius wouldn't even ask for it. He would just say please really sweetly because they already knew what he wanted. Remus had said no up until now, but he was tempted to just set them free.

His brain wasn't making any sense and he was giggling a little at how they would really kill him. He needed a bath. As a prefect he got to share in the over the top bathing arrangement. He liked the sound of this plan and exited this bathroom heading for another.

Much thanks to my reviewer. I apreciate it and will continue to upload for you. As usual if this bothers you pretend Im not this person and Ill pretend you review. Much love to my readers.


	5. Chapter 5

Remus had been right again. At that exact moment Severus was leaving a taunting note with a first year Gryffindor to give to the Marauders. The first year was running to give it to the Marauders who, though not eldest, were most defiantly in charge of everything.

The knock was loud in the silent room. James and Peter were asleep. Sirius had been the one to suggest coming up, but once there he just couldn't get to sleep. He was worried for Remus. He looked really shaken up when he left and Sirius had already vowed to kick the little Slytherin's ass, both for not being good enough and for causing Remus worry anyway.

Sirius sat and stared at the stars, loving the peace found in the abyss. The moon seemed to be teasing his already frazzled nerves. When the knock shook through the room he was to the door before the hand was withdrawn.

"What?" Sirius snapped. The young ones were always afraid of Sirius Black. It was a fact that upset Remus so he was working on trying to avoid it. Remus was upset enough. Every time he would tell Remus he was trying to avoid it James would say something like "there is no try." Sirius still didn't get it.

"Um…Mr. Black?" the first year looked green, ready to pass out. Sirius loved what he could do to them with just a look. He loved that they called him Mr. Black. He did realize that if the kid passed out he wouldn't know who sent him so he chose to do what was most likely to get him the most information.

"What is it?" he asked as nicely as was possible for him. The first year held out a note and actually swayed a little. Inside Sirius was laughing but he knew if the boy fell Remus would think Sirius pushed him. Hell, the boy might think Sirius pushed him. Sirius caught the boy and held him. He needn't worry about his reputation because the boy was unconscious and his friends were all asleep. He placed the note on his bed and cursed the fact that Remus wasn't there to see him being a great person.

He walked down the steps to the first years dorm room. There was one bed empty and he set the kid down on the bed and left.

Once back in his own room he woke James by jumping on his bed, on him. He opened the note while James woke Peter.

The note was on Slytherin stationary. "Its another declaration of war," stated James, cockily flipping his hair, only able to see green.

Sirius turned green upon reading the note. Not a declaration of war from the pussies. He never liked Slytherins but he was shaking in fear and revulsion.

James' breath caught at the look on Sirius' face. "What does it say, Siri?" Sirius handed the note over to James, stretching over the gap so he wouldn't have to leave his bed. He curled up on his side fighting the urges to run and kill.

Marauders,

Do you know where your book worm is?

He's been gone how long? Death is

Instantaneous, pain isn't. I last saw

Him crying. Have fun.

Worst wishes.

"Its so overly dramatic only a Slytherin could be responsible." That was peter brilliant conjecture.

Sirius was freaking out. "No shit Sherlock." He was glaring and fingering his wand. "Only Slytherins hate us enough. Only Slytherins have the balls, or lack of balls , to write that note. Only the fairy princesses of Slytherin house would be so into theatrics that they'd write that note. And now the power hungry fucks have Remus." He was just rocking back and forth on his bed, thinking out loud. "As if Remus doesn't have enough shit. He's a werewolf with self-esteem issues and feels bad for Slytherins. He is the most fucked up person I know. And they took him." Sirius would have kept going. He had more ranting left in him. He stopped once he felt James' hand on his shoulder. Why was he this worried about Remus? He was always the strongest and smartest of the Marauders. Why did he calm when James took action?

"Calm Sirius, Remus would want us to think first and act after thinking it through. He probably wasn't taken in the first place. He's too damn smart for any jack-ass Slytherins to catch. " At this Sirius truly related, Remus was brave and a good wizard. He was a genius and wouldn't get aught in the first place.

Peter couldn't leave well enough alone. "Well then where the fuck is he? He isn't here. Or can I just not see him? Can you see him?" Peter never back sassed any of them. Something was off with him recently.

"He's just taking a bath you ass." Sirius wasn't going to listen to the little shit any longer, he was close enough o snapping with just his brain working against him. He didn't need to fight Peter's dilapidation too. "He always takes a bath when he has a rough day. With you around its amazing he bothers to come back. He'll be back soon." Sirius was back to almost sane. Peter wanted to say something so Sirius ended any dispute. "We will go to sleep and if, I say if, he isn't here when we wake up in the morning we'll storm the Slytherin gates."

Both James and Sirius were confused. It seemed that Peter wanted to start a fight with Slytherin. They shared a look that let them both know the other saw the drastic change and saw it as an issue. Neither had a clue why he wanted to start a fight but it wasn't right, and they both knew it.

The lights went out again and Sirius pictured Remus in the prefects bath, not to be perverted but just to know he was safe.

Which is where he was.

The bathroom was a dream. It was built of the same stone as the rest of the school, and yet the stone in the rest of it paled in comparison. They were warmer, almost glowing. It was like the school chose to make the rooms better for their best children. It was large, filled with a swimming pool sized tub. In the corner was a large spigot, or several. It actual looked similar to a pipe organ. They flowed from the top down. Each held some concoction or another. There where different scents and different colors.

The windows showed pictures of important historical events or memorable places on the grounds. They moved just like the paintings, although most displayed inanimate objects so weren't as good at conversation.

The room was absolutely stunning, especially once Remus lit the candles that were placed in-between all the niches and windows. This was done with his wand, and left the room filled with a warm glow, accentuating the tile and windows. With the light shinning through them the lotions and soaps looked like gems and cast rays of light all around the room like diamonds. The walls were alight with both the natural glow and the refracted light.

Remus always had to close his eyes for the first couple of minutes in the bathroom. Bathrooms were rough for him, but the extravagance made it easier to forget that this is a bathroom just as his worst memory is in a bathroom. It was able to remain separate.

He flicked his wand and set the proper potions to flowing. It always stunned him how a tub this size could be filled with water in a minute. Magic certainly made life easier. The steam was already filling this place, adding another layer of beauty to this place. This place transcended the laws Remus set for himself. He slowly came out of his shell when he stepped into this room. Symbolically speaking it was ironic. As he thought this he was running his hands down his body to the bottom of his shirt. He liked to make this a spectacle, it helped him feel himself in his own skin. He pulled the shirt off with slow, languid motions. He had discovered long ago that if he intended to accept the scars of his transformation he had to accept himself. He had come along way and now he could stand and look at his well defined chest and focus on how strong and cut he was instead of the myriad of feathery light scars scattered over the muscles.

He slid his pants and bowers off, relishing in the freedom it provided. He loved the feeling of the steam as it surrounded his body, like a hug from a loved one. As much as he knew he was cared for, he did need more physical affection than he got and found it in a long bath and a lovely book. Another flick of his wand and the water had stopped. Bubbles filled the tub. His nose, more powerful than most, was assaulted with his favorite mix of scents. The majority was rosemary, earthy and piney. An undercurrent of mint, fresh and clean. It was unified by a low amber aroma. He loved this, like the woods, like a woodsman. Like a werewolf.

The steam was nice, but once his toe hit the water it was magical. He felt like he could dive in, which in the end he did. He loved this. He could swim in his bubble bath. He never worried about how girly it was to like bubble baths. He was a marauder. No one criticized them except each other. If Sirius or James had decided to give him a hard time he could play the werewolf card. It helped his aching wolfish joints.

The only thing they could say to 'My joints hurt,' is 'You had joints and aren't sharing?' In a world filled with them he needn't worry about anything. They helped him. They shared everything in their little group. He loved the feeling of being needed. He loved the way they always looked to him like he meant something. He still couldn't look at himself and always know he mattered.

He went belly up like in the middle of the Black lake. He couldn't help but think about everyone he had to take care of. Just today he was dizzy from everything. He had woken, as always, to his soft alarm. It had been well before sun rise and he had decided that a run was more important than extra personal Charms practice. He was always the top and had already been doing this spell with the marauders for years. It was just to make things disappear. He ran whenever he could. He didn't need to lose the weight but he needed the break. It was his release. One of a few. He liked this one because he could immerse himself in the woody, musky smells of the forest. He could become the perfected him. He was just his feet that hit the trail. He wasn't the brains of the quartet or the werewolf of the Gryffindors. He wasn't Dumbledore's pity case. He was Remus.

After that he returned to his dorm. He shed his shorts and slid into a pair of trousers and his shirt for the school uniforms. He loved the fact he didn't have to pick out outfits he was terrible with fashion. By the time he was dressed the sun still was just barely stirring in its eastern den. The dark navy blue sky was being lightened with a pale yellow causing striations in the inky expanse. He needed to setup for their morning study session. It always included the marauders but other lions frequented this session with the best.

The common room was empty save a dozing second year. He laid the supplies on the table and a quill and inkpot so he could make minor corrections to the already corrected and revised drafts. He always went over assignments at least twice to ensure effort from his friends. They tended to try more when they had multiple low stress deadlines to meet. He did this for many of the students in his tower and a few Hufflepuffs. They ran to him when they didn't understand an assignment or a concept. He had one Ravenclaw that he helped in DADA because it was the lowest grade and heaven forbid they not get top of the class. He had a light load today compared to many. He went over three separate years in DADA and two in Transfiguration. He had all the sixth years gather around and show him their disappearing spell and then helped specifically with the problem cases like Peter and Frank Longbottom.

At breakfast he was not so discreetly handed two Hufflepuff essays to look over one final time. With that and the Ravenclaw's panic attack over the upcoming DADA practical test Remus didn't eat any breakfast. No one ever seemed to notice that though, to busy trying to get what they needed.

Remus dunked his head to bellow the water level to clear it of its angry sentiment. He had no problem helping them. If he minded he should have told them. It was his own fault he never got breakfast.

During History of Magic he took detailed notes so that all of his disciples could copy and subsequently study later on. He had gotten threw Defense without any problems, his Ravenclaw holding together and doing the second best in the class. All of the classes were separated into two houses except for advanced potions so Defense didn't include one prime snaky, snarky bastard.

He had been doing fine, really. At lunch he had gotten a plate full of whatever had been served while going over potions likely to come should there be a pop quiz. He had told the Ravenclaw to meet him by the lake tomorrow just after dinner time. She would invariably be early and so he would most likely not get a sit down meal, to save her the effort of dragging him off to the lake during his dinner. But once in the potions room things had gone bad.

This wasn't the worst Sirius had done. Instead of eating a full dinner he had discussed Sirius' behavior with him. Sirius was a tough case to crack mostly because he refused to admit how much his psychotic bitch of a mother had fucked him up. Regulus was already lost to her brain washing, had been doomed the second that the hat put him in Slytherin. With no one to show him the light he ended up with the same warped opinions as his crazy mother had always had. Sirius had recently left, (read as ran away from), the terrible environment and gone to stay with James. Sirius wouldn't need to worry though because Remus watched him. He was kept close.

After a discussion he had gone to eat and then to the dorm to discus the horrors that awaited them. Remus truly didn't mind because this way he could help Severus get better. Snape hadn't started to look better but he acted worse, sadder and even more vicious when provoked. This would be his excuse to get to know the Slytherin who needed so much. He could also use Sirius as a reason to reach out to at risk Malfoy, who unlike Snape, wasn't bullied and felt himself entitled to it all.

He had then gone to the lake. Another of his many outs. He was planning his strategy for Peter, who had taken a turn for the worse in recent weeks and needed a boost of both confidence and morals.

Once the sun had set on this day he went to the library to help all of wizard-kind and then to two bathrooms consecutively. But as he lay and pondered he couldn't help but feel like he was being watched. Like someone was out to get him in his bathroom, again.

"It is not really there. Bathrooms are safe places." At least that's what he was telling himself. The warm water and the bubbles and the scent weren't helping anymore. He just wanted to be back with the guys, even if they were asleep.

He got out to dry off, craving a soft bed and his few hours of sleep before it began a new. The bed clothes he had brought where light cotton shorts and a tank top the cover all of bad scars. Only faint, bramble appearing scars coated his arms. Well, except for the horrid cords of scar tissue that followed his veins. How had no one noticed before? He was so messed up that if he were watching himself he'd be checking his wrists everyday. He checked Sirius and Peter everyday. He checked Snape and Malfoy when possible, usually magically in the cafeteria. An injury identifying spell that can tell and injury up to two days after in occurs and tell the nature of the injury. Pomfrey had liked the concept of Remus helping in the hospital, which he did whenever possible.

He was almost all the way out of the door when he say a flash of billowing black cape. When he blinked and looked again there was nothing. He was either being trailed by someone under a cloaking device or his lack of sleep and food were catching up to him. He continued towards his true home, but pulled out his wand just in case.

The halls were dark and the paintings asleep so he went without wand light, using his years of prowling these halls to his advantage. When he reached the Fat Lady, he said kindly "If you would see fit to allow me entrance, even so late after curfew, I would be so very grateful."

She had seemed frazzled by the polite tone until her eyesight cleared and revealed one of the prefects. "You either abandoned those boys on their prank or were out for a bath. I will let you in ether way, just tell me, is it a good one?" She liked to know about he pranks before the rest of the school.

"It was a bath. Sorry, no first hand gossip this time. Fizzled Newts." As disappointed as she looked she still swung open. The gap was more difficult to manage. Remus felt rather tired-drunk and slipped halfway in. It would have hurt but he didn't fall. He would swear he felt a hand on his ass to help him in, but when he looked he saw nothing but the portrait slowly swinging shut. He was either followed or severely over worked.

The other marauders would like to know this, but Remus felt there was no need to worry them when the stalker, if there even was one, was helping Remus.

Sirius heard Remus on the stairs and sat up, smiling broadly when he walked in the door. He had really been upset by those Slytherins until Remus had been back with the only real family either of them had ever known. One cold, one supposedly dead, these four were brothers, Peter less so than the rest. They all pretended it wasn't so but James and Remus and Sirius had been there for each other and had made Hogwarts, as well as this dorm in specific, feel like home for Sirius.


	6. Chapter 6

I dont own Harry Potter or his world.

Sorry for how long it took to upload a new chapter. Im also sorry this is a sort chapter. Im also sorry that this has very little Severus in it. I needed to add a backdrop for the romance. I also wanted to add more to Sirius and the relationship between Sirius and Remus.

Chapter Six

Sirius looked so relieved that it hurt for Remus to look at the smile. He looked like he wanted to tackle Remus. What had he thought would happen? He always took a bath and of all days today seemed like as good as any to indulge.

Sirius just looked at Remus. He couldn't comprehend why this meant so much to him. He was trying to wait for Remus to say something but the silent streak led on, and was only interrupted by crickets.

Sirius had never been patient and the silence was grating on his sore nerves. He took a deep steadying breath. "Where were you?" He looked to the bed hesitantly, waiting for a response he wouldn't like. Talking to a werewolf was like walking on eggshells a Sirius sucked at it.

"Where was I? Who are you, my father?" Remus never would of said that. He never mentioned parents. If someone else had said that he would have been hard pressed to repress a shudder. Sirius saw the look in his eyes. They weren't his anymore. Remus would never voluntarily say something to remind him of what his parents did, but, as Sirius was pretty sure, this was Mooney. This was the wolf. Sirius wasn't sure what Mooney would do but he never backed down, even from his friends.

Lupin's eyes had turned dark and stormy. Sirius knew Mooney was always mad when he was questioned. Mooney was the resident Alpha and he didn't allow his judgment to be questioned. Sirius knew this only upset the easy going Remus so he got up to soothe the beast. He approached slowly, hands out like a suspect so as to not cause any undo alarm.

He sat on the edge of Lupin's bed. Remus was mostly lupine and Sirius wasn't going to continue to talk to a Remus that wasn't there.

"Mooney, I care. You are worried because someone hurt you." At this the eyes grew damp. Sirius was never told, but deep down he knew someone must of done something terrible to fuck Mooney and Remus up so much. "I haven't been told, and I don't want you to tell me unless its what you want. I will be there for you, no matter your decision. I feel lie I have." Sirius felt so terrible because he realized how much both Remus and Mooney do. He moved over closer to his friend, fighting the urge to wrap an arm around the already ornery wolf. "I know what you feel, at least about needing help. I would never suppose I understand about anything, not with out you explaining it." Sirius had to keep the wolf from balking at the presumption of understanding long enough to tell his tale. "I was raised as proud as possible. I was a pureblood, beaten into submission. I was bred, for generations, to hate you. To detest everyone in this room. And in the end this room is my family and my family wants me dead. I am a disgrace. And even worse, I ask for help from a filthy half-breed." This was said with a half-mocking, half-venerating tone. Sirius couldn't fight the desire anymore a flung an arm around his lupine Lupin.

Sirius' eyes were damp with tears. He never cried. Tears were one of the many things that weren't acceptable in the Black household. And, more profoundly, it was the only stipulation that he hadn't been cured of yet.

Remus was back. He was touched by the speech. He intended to help Sirius over his family issues. His family couldn't be fixed, but his perception of them could. He tried to show Sirius there was better out there every day. This was the only one Remus' projects that James helped with. His friends were ignorant of his other escapades and even James didn't care enough about Peter to try. Sirius was a different case. James had taken him under his wing as Remus had with so many. It helped, but James wouldn't, or couldn't, work on the emotional stuff Sirius needed desperately.

Remus threw both of his arms around Sirius and held him close. He felt bad for worrying him and making him feel scared enough to wait up. Remus himself needed a hug.. He needed the contact. Sirius is the only one he doesn't mind showing this softer side.

"Siri, I know you ask because you care. I care too and I realize what you need from me, and that I need things too. I just had a tough day and couldn't keep Mooney under control any longer. I want to make sure you understand that, with all I do, its here, I this room that keeps me sane. Plotting and scheming has introduced a whole new life to me. Its me a different me."

Sirius wasn't good with emotions. His household had never been a loving atmosphere, and after he was sorted into Gryffindor things had gotten worse. His crazy mother had tried to beat it out of him. When Regulus had been sorted into Slytherin everyone had been thrilled. Relief was ever present. Gryffindor wasn't contagious. Which had relieved everyone, but made it his fault he was in Gryffindor so the beatings got worse. Last summer he had run away from home. Away from his mom. Away from the Dark Lord.

Remus pulled back from the hug. It severed the tie holding this delicate moment together. Sirius shifted the focus from being the subject of concern, to being the concerned.

"So, where were you?"

"Siri, I came back after a stressful day and my hair is wet. You guess." Remus hadn't meant for it to be as biting as it was. He meant to be playful. He achieved condescending.

"I knew you were taking a bath, you ass. I was worried because that was longer than usual." His voice had escalated. He was sick of using his normal, utmost care around everyone. He had to be tough for James. He had to be mean to keep Peter involved and in line. He had to stay joking so Remus didn't become angry or depressed. He was tired of it. "The Slytherins are trying to fuck with us by threatening you. So give me a fucking break."

Sirius stood and strode abruptly to the window, taking in the calm. He took many deep breaths trying to inhale the peace he so desperately needed.

As the random burst of anger past, Sirius' face was left with the worry and concern of earlier, side by side with the fear of the first seconds after getting the note. His voice reflected the innermost turmoil when he said, "Everyone is getting to proud for my taste. Peter has started being difficult. And the Slytherins are threatening you. I can't just let that go. You know me. I can't." Sirius returned to his bed and pulled the covers up to just under his chin.

"Good night Rem."

"No this is clearly upsetting you. Show me the note. We'll make this a fixable problem." Sirius pulled the note out and handed it to him. He didn't get out of his bed though, seeming to listless after all of the day's excitement to get to into this plot yet. Remus was the smart one anyway.

The note kind of scared Remus because he knew that if his invisibility cloaked savior hadn't stepped in, this note would be all too true. "So,' he started, voice shaking slightly, "we can just get each individual Slytherin back tomorrow, or I guess later today in potions. That way it doesn't matter who it was. I say we make it mostly directed at Bella because, well, she is down right evil." Remus just didn't want anymore set backs with his other two volunteer charges.

"Siri, what do you think about a color changing potion. I could easily modify it so that everything green turns red. It would leave a terrible die that would stain everything they touched gold. Their uniforms red, their books and quills gold. They'd look like a right lot of Gryffindors."

Sirius looked unenthused with this plan, no explosions so no fun. "Come on Remus you got better than that in you. What if we turned their food too. We could have it all bright gold and actually metal. They wouldn't be able to eat. And then if they went to undo any of it themselves their heads would turn into lions. Could you do that Remus? Is it possible?" Sirius looked so happy. He was always at his best when he was planning an attack on Slytherin. He liked the concept of them being walking lions. The snaky bastards would hate it.

Remus knew he could do it. The food would be relatively easy, just a simple switch. He could add a sticky fingers charm to the gold so that none of the Slytherins, or anyone else could walk out with the gold. Once it crossed the door all the gold would fly at them and stick. They would be covered in golden food for hours if Dumbledore decided to help. But if he left it alone like usual it could be at least a few days.

"Siri, that's great. I'll work on it and get back to you. " Remus was going to throw Sirius a bone. He would also add a charm so he could tell which of them jumped him in the bathroom.

Sirius was back to his usual self. He was a little concerned because Remus never condones Slytherin bashing, much less plans it. He was to tired to deal with it now though. "You know where I'll be if you need help from the Master."

"I'll let you know, Master. It'll go down tomorrow so I have time to get everything ready. You should get some sleep because today will be dawn will be here in a few hours. Goodnight Sirius."

"G' Night, Rem." He mumbled something towards the end but his face was buried in the pillow and it was unintelligible.

Remus looked up to the ceiling and thought of ways to cover his search for his would be kidnapper in a prank. Hopefully without messing with his charity cases any more than necessary.

I apreciate Reviews as always. I checked my email and saw that I got reviews so here I am at 1:30 because it was the only time I could get away. Im going to rigth some more and put it up when I'm done. Please Review(or ignore me, both work)


	7. Chapter 7

Hey. Im back. This one is most just about the two main characters backgrounds and feelings. Kinda less exciting than Remus' atack, but I added our favorite dungeon bat. I just saw the Harry Potter movies and decided to give you an update no matter how late. I hope you guys enjo even though I do not own Harry Potters world or person.

Chapter Seven

It was morning again in Remus' little world. This morning he didn't have to worry about waking up though, because his eyes hadn't closed for longer then the occasional second, the acceptable length for a blink. He couldn't sleep, and in an already frazzled state with an issue that required pondering he figured thinking would be better than lying and pretending to sleep.

He needed to figure out who had jumped him. He really didn't care who his mysterious stranger was because when, not if, but when they needed something from him he was sure they would be in touch. He couldn't, however, wait for the attacker to decide to reveal themselves. That was bad strategy and he would not get any sleep till he had the small comfort of knowing who was after him this time.

This was conveniently timed for he had to sooth Sirius by getting back at the note senders. They were obviously Slytherins but may or may not be the culprit in the attempted abduction. He could use this revenge prank as cover for a spell to uncover who made the attempt last night. He still had kinks to work out of his plan so he would be saving that until tomorrow, and if he could find the them out another way he would have no qualms with ditching the prank all together.

He rose as usual. He took his run, farther and faster to leave behind the fear and sadness of last night. His schedule for today was rather intense. He had mostly just help this morning, and then papers to look over later. The help session went normal. He was as chipper as usual adding extra emphasis to the important parts of the lessons. He needed a normal breakfast though. He couldn't be distracted. He needed this time to observe the "enemy" table. Really Remus had nothing against Slytherins but it was easier to psyche the others up to aid him if he talked of "The Enemy" and "The Cause."

At the breakfast table he sat with his back to the wall, his enhanced werewolf sense of self preservation and the slight hint of human fear that always coated his brain was appeased by this act, allowing him to be on guard at every moment of his time. Gryffindor wasn't always on the far side but he was the most comfortable then. Sirius was always by his side though, the only thing to keep him sane when he had to sit with one whole table behind him and completely out of sight. Across sat James and Peter. Peter still looked oddly morbid, down cast and yet his eyes showed hints of individualistic thought, which never crossed his mind.

Across the other two tables were the Slytherins. This was always the safest setting, less chance of a disagreement between the fiery houses so filled with hate. The Slytherins always seemed much more collected than the Gryffindors. They always seemed in control. This only added to Gryffindor's popularity because they took the stuck up snobs down a few pegs.

His animalistic senses drew him to look beyond the table of minor strife, to the table across the room with at least one actual enemy hiding in the snakes' midst. Today the sun shone brightly threw the windows, casting a warm glow over the usual pallor of these dungeon dwellers. In spite of the light radiating from all the faces he wasn't warmed. His eyes, heightened as they were, still strained to see any signs of guilt on the emotionless faces of these nearly mindless drones. Surprisingly nearly half of the sixth year drones were gazing back at him, eyes filled with the same nearly unconscious glaze that covers Wormtail's eyes.

At the center of this pack was a seventh year core, including Bella Black and Rodulphus Lestrange. Beside these two sat the inevitable leader. Malfoy claimed this right by being a child of power and wealth, the only things of importance in the Slytherin world view. He also had a certain charisma that made the popular people gravitate toward him and the weak and unworthy cower at his mere mention. Lucius Malfoy looked directly into the focused eyes of Remus. He searched the searching eyes for any trace of fear and was slightly saddened to find none in the depths.

The platinum blondes eyes fought with the shields that protected the feelings of a younger sandy blonde. Remus knew occlumency but also knew it was unnecessary as the probing he felt was merely curiosity and a close scrutiny from an eye well trained in observing all.

This shared gaze, filled with intrigue for both sides went unnoticed by the Great Hall at large. This look distracted both lookers from noticing the one other being watching them. They all failed to noticed a lone Slytherin in the darkness between windows, hunkered towards the end of the table as though the others were monsters, demons, or carriers of despicable diseases. Ho, on the other hand missed nothing. He missed no variation in light or nuance in the buzz of the hall, and was most likely the most observant man alive. Caught in the struggle between two mad men, he had been taught fast how to watch others and most importantly, watch for watchers. He hadn't needed to be taught how to stay on guard, abuse does things to a brain that leave it unable of not being aware of and prepared for any possible outcome. He had been honed, filed to a fine point, and now was watching both leaders of this struggle between good and evil, and, most ironically, two future pawns, destined to be on opposite side of a line drawn long ago, thousands of years past, in a time of darkness when the four founders forged this institution.

Severus had surrendered his life into stronger hands. He had gone to two purportedly wise men to give the ultimate power o him, body and soul. He hadn't wanted free will. He still had no use for it. He just wanted a mind numbing existence toiling for the great good. He need not have fame or glory, just a light heart and a pride in his accomplishments. On this boldly bright day, spent still in shadow, he felt he may have succeeded a little to well. He was so despised that he was left nothing. Slytherins who were destined to grovel before his masters feet, and potentially his as well, now shunned and bullied him to the point of leaving his common room. The Gryffindor Bunch, self sworn to join the fight and defend the weak and needy everywhere, harmed him at every turn, the most needy and the only one that was doing anything to help Dumbledore and the cause.

He was synonymous with hate to both sides of this war, a rag doll that neither side want but that will be pulled apart nonetheless in an attempt for it to never be seen in the enemy's hands. He could feel his seems busting, a slow pop that he just recently recognized for its true meaning. He decided if he would be pulled apart it would be only after he made sure someone would know him well enough to remember him as something more than a being to despise, or a target to practice on.

The realization that he wanted something more only struck him fully when the glance of Remus passed on from Lucius and into his eyes. He saw in those eyes a light almost akin to concern. He was greeted with a sign near to caring when he had expected revulsion because of who he was and hate because of what he stole. He found a Lupin that, while not as friendly as one would want was much better than Severus had even dared to hope for.

Students began to file out but the recently realized as lonely Slytherin stayed. He didn't wish to remain because Lupin was still here, he just didn't want to return to the dungeons yet. Potions was the only time that he had need of returning to this sad place. He didn't want to go from the light and bright hall until he absolutely had to. He knew if he arrived in the hall outside the classroom to early he would be beaten, regardless of whether or not the culprits would be caught. With the detentions they would still be regaled as heroes in the Slytherin camp and a few nights cleaning trophies couldn't dissuade them from the hunt.

Snape looked terribly unhappy from where Remus sat. He was alone and fro once Remus thought he might actually mind the incredible amount of solitude he was given. Remus cherished alone times in his runs and baths. He wasn't even really alone then because during a run he planned his many charges for the day and in his luxurious bubble baths he often found himself unable to focus on anything but his many forays into public service.

Remus was forever reminded how fortunate he was to have been taken in by these guys. He didn't complain about the work or the stress because in was better than the constant stress of being alone. It was unbearable. Every respite left him more drained than he had started. He needed the occupation to stop the cogs in his ceaseless brain from churning up his true feelings about his own human condition.

Snape, the peer he most worried for, had none of what he needed to stay sane. He most likely bore the same psychological scars as Remus with out the mitigating factors such as the love of his friends and the loveliness of being needed. He was always plaguing Remus' mind with guilt. Why had he, Remus, made friends? Why had he been gifted the opportunity of Gryffindor instead of the cold halls of Slytherin? No doubt Remus would be a different man if he had been forced to survive in the snake pit with out any preparation and with what was invariably still open wounds. Both Remus and Snape festered under the surface with pain and self loathing. Why had Remus been granted an out?

He felt the need to get to potions early. He needed time to steel his nerves before he had to brew and deal with Snape. Others pain never bothered Remus, except for the pain of Severus because unlike others he went threw it so completely and totally alone. It hurt Remus to see the life he could have led if he had been sorted into Slytherin. If the guys hadn't chosen to care for him. If Dumbledore hadn't let him come to Hogwarts at all.

He told the guys, Sirius mostly, that he would be going down to potions. Sirius jumped to go with his friend and was quickly followed by James and Peter. They never liked to leave Remus alone, but after the note, both Sirius and James were a little jumpy and the feelings of love turned to over protection in an instant.

Once Remus had left Severus hurried to follow. Lupin was undoubtedly one of the marauders, but he also would most likely prevent any full out beatings, and with as delicate as his pride was at that moment, he just couldn't care enough to risk a series of painful injuries from his housemates.

I appreciate the reviews you guys. Lots of people have veiwed my story and though I would love a review from all of you, I love you whether you review or not.


	8. Chapter 8

Hey! I am updating so that I know you guys will get something because I"m gonna be more busy for just a couple weeks. I'll try to still update. I dont own harry potter.

Chapter Eight

The halls grew steadily drearier as this unaccustomed group progressed. The airiness of the large hall and charmed ceiling gave way to a series of unassuming corridors, the likes of which where found throughout the castle school. The further on in their dungeon-ward trek they went, the lower the halls got, both in lighting and in elevation.

Severus was caught between his loathing for his current, unwitting companions and his fear of not making it to potions at all. He knew it was a distinct possibility that Black would kick the ever living shit out of him while Potter and Pettigrew laughed, but the Slytherins would for sure.

Severus never flinched from a beating, no matter who from or what for. He'd taken enough in his years, both at home and at school, to know that they were far from his biggest problem. He knew he was most likely to be beaten later anyway.

That was the real reason he didn't want to get harmed by a Slytherin. When the Dark Lord saw him bruised he was always furious. Snape, his spy inside Dumbledore's camp, was too weak to keep other students, his unworthy peers, at bay. It was a disgrace to have his mark on such a wretch.

It had meant a long beaten and many Cruciatus curses later he had been considered a learned disciple who wouldn't allow fellow snakes to beat him. He was their cause. He needed to show them that he was not just some lackey.

Voldemort wanted perfection. He expected the best of everyone as long as it was for his own dastardly ends. Severus had realized why he had signed on with him after a long fight with the marauders. Black had something long the lines of, "You are to nasty to be loved." Severus had hid it well, but that had been nearly exactly what his dad had said before the first, and almost every other time, he beat him and it had shaken him to the core. He felt such pain that he hadn't gone to dinner that night, just straight to his normal post by the lake. The sun that night had seem exorbitantly red.

And now as he followed the Potter and Black posse he realized that they all were the same. They all hated for no reason. He couldn't stand it. On both sides of the war were innocent people whose views were perfectly neutral and yet were killed for a pointless cause. That was why he fought. He didn't fight for Black or Potter. He didn't fight for Dumbledore. He fought for the people like him everywhere who were hunted and hated for nothing. Nothing, he wasn't just hated for nothing. He didn't deserve that much respect. He was nothing. If he even qualified as that.

Sirius got an all to recognizable tingling up his spine. He felt tailed. Generations of inbreeding had given him the tell tale pureblood enemy detector. He had had to perfect his at a young age because enemies lurked behind even the most familiar of faces. Instead of turning and looking, which would give the pursuers a chance to slip, he just stopped walking and spun, pulling a wand and was prepared to attack before he had fully turned. The onlookers were shocked and had no idea what had taken place. It soon became apparent to all when the other marauders turned in a similar fashion. Remus was so edgy that he had turned almost faster than Sirius, and had assessed the situation well before Peter had his wand out.

Remus knew it was Snape who was following them at the same time as Sirius. He had stepped, or leapt, in front of Sirius' wand before he sent a curse, stopping that plan dead in its tracks. Sirius was frustrated to the point of going beyond a prank. Whatever spell he was going to send wouldn't have been to anyone but him. It would've been especially disliked by the Slytherin standing at the other end of the wand.

"Siri, what has made you so mad all of a sudden?" If Remus treated them as adults they snapped, so he disciplined like a kindergarten teacher would an uncouth student. He stood so that Sirius couldn't see Snape. He looked right into Sirius' eyes, willing them to calm down and discus this like they usually would. Remus had some notion of why poor Severus Snape was following them, and had suspected for a while. His werewolf hearing had detected the sound of the same feet since the hall but he didn't mention it just in case it might hint at Remus' little problem that he was trying so hard to ignore.

With Remus placed as he was Severus could see Remus' hands sign to him to leave. Severus didn't know any other way to potions. In fact Remus didn't either. Remus slowly turned Sirius with both hands on his shoulders. They, all of them here, were fucked up in their own special way. It was like a bowl of nuts in this hallway and they were each an exotic and unheard of type from far away countries. They were all freaks, abnormal nuts which had nothing better to do than fight, and Remus? Moony could smell the fear on Snape. Snape would lose that fight.

While Sirius was being pacified Snape snuck passed Remus. The others didn't notice, having not known what upset Siri in the first place. This wasn't a lucky break though. So Severus was realizing.

When Remus had mentioned all the aid he gave, Severus had scoffed. Any Slytherin would at a member of the enemy party. And yet here was Remus protecting him from his own. Snape power walked to class, taking deep breaths to ensure that he made it that far. He felt reminiscent of Lily in the beginning. She defended him against her sister Petunia. But recently she had been distant, cold.

Cold was better than his father. One night, Severus had come home late and his father had been furious. When asked where he was Severus said he was with Lily. His father had been soothed by this slightly. He thought it meant his son wasn't queer. Younger Severus had slipped though and mentioned the M word.

That shabby living room had never seemed more dark. It was like hell. The red and green wool rug had seemed like the worst sight in the world, yet he stared at it because it was better than looking up and watching the relentless belt smacking any part of the fresh flesh.

His skin stung just thinking of it. He hadn't cried then and he wouldn't cry now. The memory of that night was far more vivid than last night in Snape's mind, but he refused to become a blubbering mess as Remus had been. Life sucks. Its hard. If it wasn't it would be called a slut instead of a bitch.

The classroom was almost bright. The light burned his eyes, or that was what he was telling himself caused the pain behind his eyes. He lied to Voldemort and took orders directly from the bat-shit crazy Dumbledore, he was a good liar. He was so good he could convince himself of almost anything. The class was empty when he got there first but was rapidly filling. It was when he looked at the board and noted the comment in chicken scratch from Horace that it made sense that Slytherins and Gryffindors were mixing. The board read:

I expect all of the students expecting to pass this class to sit with their assigned partners from yesterday. That does not excuse those of you who expect to fail. All who are not in seats next to their partner will spend the rest of the year as Mr. Filch's personal assistant. Poor Mr. Filch has been saying that the windows needed to be washed inside and out. Just that could take 24 hours, and Filch doesn't like to grant breaks for rule breakers. The choice is yours.

Snape didn't worry about Lupin as a potions partner. He was competent, That was the most Severus was willing to let himself believe. He was muddling all other thoughts on purpose because it would be easier to fool the Dark Lord if he didn't know himself, then there's nothing to hide. He just worried about Black's reaction. Most likely he would take offence to the fact that his precious bookworm didn't mind the slimy dungeon bat as much as he should.

Hate was a delicate thing for Severus Snape. There was so much room betwixt his feelings for Voldemort, at the most hated, and his father, who deserves all the hate he could muster, that these petty, school boyish tiffs meant nothing to him. He didn't hate the Black boy any more than he hated Lucius. They where mean and cruel, but when one has a limited amount of hate you have to pick the battle carefully. He bore no love for any of his peers, but he wished no good for them either.

There was a subtle but undeniable increase in noise coming from the hall. The noise was focused on mostly gasps. When Severus turned to the door, there stood a calm group of Gryffindors. He couldn't tell at first what had caused the uproar, but on further inspection there was a touch of blood on Lupin's' shirt collar and Black's knuckles were pretty bloody.

Remus looked back at his friends as he walked over to Snape. He was actually relieved that he had an excuse to not sit by Siri. As much as he loved the boy, he couldn't stand his temper. He was almost malicious. He settled into his chair and decided to see if Snape would talk today.

"Hey, Snape." He smiled a nearly genuine smile. "This should be interesting." He was really trying. If he could get Snape to accept him he could help him s much in this. It could be so great for him as a person.

"Hey Lupin, did you have a pleasant night?" He meant it to be subtly digging. Lupin was one of the brightest in their year and would catch on, because even Pettigrew could catch that one. Snape's eyes light up. This was the closest he had come to real conversation in a while. He always discussed strategy, but this angry conversation was a pleasant change, which illustrates how hard up he was. He never formed proper social skills and so he had limited experience with these matters. He was usually about to be hit by now. Or had been hit.

He was counting on the fact that Lupin wouldn't hit him, but he wasn't completely confident when he used the appearance of Black and Lupin together. They were both significantly different from the way he had left them for him to not be sure what had happened.

Just as Remus was going to respond about how immature he is….Slughorn burst into the class room and the room fell silent, waiting for a change.

Sorry. I was going to make this one go all the way through the class. I fell asleep instead. I hope you enjoy. Id love a review. I love the reviews I got. I know the story said it was complete. It wasnt. I completed the wrong one. Sorry.


	9. Chapter 9

Im back. I dont own harry potter. This is the longest chapter yet. I had to make up for the ast chapter. Sorry.

Chapter Nine

Slughorn was shocked. The Gryffindors had listened to his command. They sat attentively by his own house, waiting patiently for the class to start. He also didn't expect for Mr. Lupin to be sitting by Severus as far from his friends as possible. Even sitting next to Slytherins he would have thought they would congregate together.

Remus, as awkward as his position in a sea of snakes was, preferred this to his friends at the moment. They were rude, and Remus needed to focus on poor Snape. He had decided that instead of worrying about his lack of friends, he should do something. Remus didn't hate Severus Snape. He knew him well enough to know he was deeply scarred from something. Remus felt that he could help the wounded snake the best, being the most deeply wounded person he knew. The being sitting next to him visibly relaxed when the professor entered the room, as if he had actually feared for his life without protection.

"Silly Severus," Remus muttered. "I'm always watching and protecting all of you." What Remus didn't know was that Severus had heard his name mentioned. He hadn't heard the whole statement, just caught the part about how silly he was. He made the assumption the Lupin was using their partnership to advance the marauders torture of him. He neglected the fact that Remus often went against his friends to protect him. He was I the father and Voldemort fearing frame of mind and couldn't even comprehend the fact that Lupin had just covered for him so that he could enter the room.

All of these emotions passed unnoticed across their faces. Slughorn continued to discuss the potion that the class had to prepare for today. It was simple. Remus was contemplating the best way to convince Severus to trust him. Severus was trying to think of a way to poison Lupin. If he took out Lupin they would be without the brain and would fail out of Hogwarts, or at least not be able to do any truly great and terrible things.

When the class was allowed to leave their seats to set up their collaborative cauldron and gather ingredients Severus started to light the fire for the cauldron so that he wouldn't risk running into anyone that might want to bruise him, and thus indirectly cause him the worst pain of his life. Remus would have preferred to stay at the table to avoid his friends, but he understood the lack of enthusiasm on Snape's part for leaving the relative safety of the workstation. It wasn't until he reached the pantry that he realized its major perk. It resided by the Slytherin Head of House who was known to favor Snape, even over the snakes in this corrupted pit.

It wasn't until he was in the pantry, nearly empty as it was, and completely out of everyone's sight that he realized his situation. Sirius jumped on his back, playful. He was trying to work past their scuffle. He didn't understand how upset Remus was by it.

Minutes ago, just after Snape had escaped, Sirius had been struggling against Remus. Sirius had decided he wasn't going to wait for Remus to move. If he could just go through Remus he could go kill Snape for stalking him and his. James had stepped up behind Sirius and grabbed his arms. "Its ok Siri." James was speaking softly in his ear. "He just was walking to class." Sirius wasn't calming at all.

He was actually getting more wound up. He could still see Snivelly's back retreating down the corridor. It looked as if he were descending into hell, with the torches and the slight red haze that his anger cast over the whole scene. Remus stepped in front of him, straightening his tie because it had gotten really fucked up, almost to the point of choking him. It wasn't on purpose. Sirius' aggression got out of hand, the most often and noticeable occurred around Snape because he embodied everything Sirius loathed about his family. It didn't matter to Sirius that he was already hated. It never occurred to him that it would be worse to Snape because Slytherins hated him already.

Remus stood and adjusted over so that Sirius couldn't see the retreating figure that he loathed so much for no good reason. Remus stepped forward. The crowed that had gathered had dissipated when they saw the true danger that Sirius could be in this state. If he could attack his best friends than he could easily go after any of them. The torches lighting Remus' hair looked like the sun, golden brown turning to a lovely soothing brightness. "Siri, I know how hard it is. You need to calm down. It wasn't bad enough for this. If you keep this up we will all get in trouble." Remus was being calm and caring, yet firm. Sirius was calming just looking at Remus. The more he talked about the obvious hate the Slytherins would show if they got caught down here doing something against the rules. Dumbledore couldn't save them from everything. He also would never want to drag Remus, James and Peter into trouble just because he had no self control, and a short temper.

Stupid Peter though had had to keep going. He perpetuated everything, whether it was a positive thing or not. They were continuing on the journey, nearly as calm as before when peter had to add, "Have you noticed how often Remus focuses on Snape? Its like he cares more about him than us." Sirius had long worried that Remus would outgrow the three of them. They were too immature to hold his interest for long. They never passed if he didn't keep them on task. They had him look over all of their work, on top of the other helpless students.

Sirius was distraught at the thought of Remus moving on to be with Snape. He snapped. He screamed, nearly a war cry, and charged at Peter, who had been ignoring them and chose this comment out of everything he could have said. Remus knew the second Peter said it that it wouldn't end terribly well. He stepped, once again between Sirius and his prey. The difference that instead of being in defense mood, as he was when Snape was under threat, now he was full blown attack and couldn't be pulled back from the edge.

The blow landed square on Remus' nose. The second Sirius heard the bone crunch he snapped out of it and was nearly in tears in seconds. He went to pull Rem into a hug. Moony was angry. "And what would it be to you if we liked him more? Would it be a shock? We're pretty sure we never broke your nose." Peter was no where to be seen, clearly having fled when Sirius first started the threats. The use of the plural clued the two that were left into the fact that they were talking to Moony. He stormed of down the hall to potions. He was furious and the blood was pouring profusely from his crocked nose. Moony quickly came to the conclusion that Remus had to fix their nose. He took deep breaths and let Remus take control again.

Remus knew what had happened and stopped the bleeding fast. He then used a simple Episkey to heal the break and continued on the prior path, less mad than Moony, but more disappointed. Moony never trusted those two. Remus had trusted them with his life. Even worse, Remus trusted Sirius with his thoughts. Sirius was the only person that knew some stories. If anyone knew he did. There were many no one knew. Parts of himself too monstrous to inflict on his friends. He strode to the door and needed a couple seconds to get his emotions back in check. The thought of someone who knew so much about him turning against him like that took it too far. It was worse than betrayal because he didn't just think of the punch, but also what could happen, if Sirius or James decided to abandon him. Peter knew only one secret, his worst as far as a future and prospects, but emotionally Peter held no hold over his secrets that worried him now.

He heard a crowed and three familiar voices in the direction he just came from. He entered the room mere seconds before the other marauders did. He went to sit next to his partner Snape, surprisingly really glad to not be by Sirius.

Now though, Sirius was holding him in close to a bear hug. There were only Gryffindors in the closet and James was out there so there was no buffer. Moony was threatening to take charge. "Siri, I love you as the best of friend. But that behavior was unacceptable. I cant believe you did all that because you thought I was leaving you for Snape. We have been friends for six years. Pull your head out of your ass because I cant deal with this behavior any more." He was angry, but the hurt shown on his face, beyond anger. Sirius couldn't believe how saddened he was by that tussle he had considered little. It was like it was a crime, as if Sirius would never see Remus again. He pulled out of the hug abruptly, realizing he hadn't yet.

Remus was ignoring Sirius until he heard a sharp intake of breath. Sirius was clutching his hand to him. Remus was concerned on a deeper level than he was angry. He was so concerned that Moony felt concern for this child that he distinctly doesn't trust yet, after six years. "What happened, Siri?"

"I hit my hand against the shelf. It wouldn't be bad but your head is hard." He laughed and Remus laughed. "I understand you need some space, Rem, but just know that the space doesn't stop the love."

Remus couldn't say anything about. Not real words. For one of many times Sirius had left him speechless. Instead of floundering with words that fought veraciously against complying he grabbed Sirius' hand. It had been pretty damaged against his wolfish skull. The cuts were still oozing blood and if it wasn't dealt with infection was inevitable. Sirius and James were pants at healing spells and had decided, wrongly, that ignoring it was better than botching it.

This wound took less complex magic than Remus' nose had. It just took a cleansing spell and a spell to knit the flesh back together. It was left flawless, no scar or any mark that would hint at the former gash. "Siri," Remus had to say, couldn't say nothing, "I know you meant no ill will, but I cant deal with it right now. I will be fine at dinner. Ill sit next to you and my head will be screwed on just as well as it was at breakfast. But I need from now until then to myself. I will eat lunch outside." Remus and Sirius shared a moment were, with only their eyes, the both explained how they would miss each other. Remus' plead for understanding while Sirius' plead for mercy. They were both granted and walked away content with their agreement.

The room seemed brighter to both of them knowing they would have the opportunity to make up. Severus sat watching them both come out of the storage room and smile as they separated. He couldn't understand why it bothered him so much. It was like a painful thorn in his metaphorical side, causing a gentle but insistent focus on the on and off relationship the marauders have. They don't fully appreciate Remus.

Snape shook his head, He couldn't think of where that thought could have originated. Hate had become his way of protecting himself. Even if he couldn't really feel hatred towards any of them, the thought that he hated them and they knew it refreshed his worn down spirits. He condemned them to suffer for their persecution of him whether Remus had to suffer on their pyre with them.

Snape didn't even shake his head. When the hell had the marauders fucking lap dog turned into Lupin inside his head, much less Remus. Wasn't it bad enough Remus, Fuck, Lupin had used his given name last night? Apparently not because as far as Severus' subconscious was concerned the peer approaching was Remus. Thanks to the fucking marauders and Professor Slughorn he would be stuck with _Remus for the rest of the year. They would both succeed or go down in flames based on the others merit and their ability to work together to make a potion._

_Remus sat own next to Snape, calm and collected on the exterior despite his deeply rooted feelings of betrayal by his parents brought up by the minor scuffle. It was the fact that Sirius could willingly attack his friend. Remus knew the hit hadn't been meant for him, but it had been meant for one of them and it could've been him. The moods shifted too fast for him to keep straight._

_Severus watched the look pass his face. He went from a forced happy to calm, blank. It wasn't even meant to deceive others. He knew from experience that the blank and unresponsive glaze to Remus' eyes was meant to distract himself. A hand wave so that Remus didn't notice the overwhelming sadness._

"_Lupin. What the hell took you so long?" Severus said, voice laced with venom. Remus saw through it though. He had watched Severus for long enough that he didn't need to worry about the faux voice that he performed. _

_Remus turned to look him straight in the eyes. The haze fell and Severus saw the sadness that engulfed the other's soul. Remus wanted Severus to see. "Snape, cut the crap. We both know you don't hate me. You should know that I don't hate you. Did you stay to watch me take a punch for you?" Remus said this calmly, as though they were friends who had just had a brief fight and would be back to being close as Cornish pixies in an apothecary cage._

_They sat silent for a moment as arguments flared up at other tables scattered around the room. The loudest was the confrontation between Lucius and Sirius. Lucius had tried to make a move on Sirius as far as the pair heard. Lucius was denying it, much to everyone's amusement because half of the room had seen him snake an arm around Sirius' shoulders before the professor had finished talking._

_James and Rodulphus Lestrange were being comically argumentative. Lestrange would have given up, because he didn't really care about what ever it was at that moment in time. Bellatrix Black wouldn't let him ease up. Bella Black had a nasty tendency towards the darker aspects of everything and right here and now Lestrange had no control while her eyes attempted to bat in a sultry way. He was smitten in a way unbecoming of a Slytherin, much less a future death eater as everyone knew they were. Bella Black had every right to exploit these flaws as far as she saw fit._

_Black had Peter under control yet he didn't seem scared. She was yelling at him and he showed no emotions. It was something both Remus and Severus filed away, both for different reasons. _

_They were snapped out of their reverie by the explosion of Peter's cauldron. Remus started chopping the dry ingredients while Severus brought the liquids to a boil. "Hey, Severus, could you pass me the silver knife?" Remus didn't see anything wrong with it. Why shouldn't he talk like they were friends. If he talked as friends maybe they would become them._

"_When the hell did I become Severus to you?" Severus enjoyed the irony, it was the same sentiment as last night. "That's been coming up a lot recently." Severus would have chuckled if his insides hadn't flinched at the horror in the depths of Remus' eyes with this simple, subtle reminder of the hell that was last night. Remus shock it of and thought of all the he knew Severus put up with and all that he suspected. Remus was pretty sure he had guessed Severus' secret. He had. He thought he was a death eater. He also hoped he was a spy. That would be the only positive way to spin the frequent trips to the head master's office._

_Severus hadn't watched Remus enough to have any thoughts on Remus beyond what he had been told and what he knew from dealings with the marauders as a whole. He did know that he was competent, so he trusted him to chop the ingredients. _

_The ingredients for this potion had to be added in three batches. Their silence was broken when Remus decided to enter. "You became Severus when you followed me to the bathroom and talked like you cared."_

_Severus was shocked. "What about Black and Potter? You can talk to them and they'll care more than I would." Severus, on his part, wasn't sure about that last bit. He all of a sudden cared not just about people in general but Remus._

"_I try not to burden them. I didn't think you'd care so it wouldn't cause you any strife."_

_Severus didn't understand that. He'd never had a reliable acquaintance much less someone to worry about troubling with his own problems. "In a case your too dense to notice I stole all your shit. And yet here you are talking to me. Why?"_

"_Because I care. Is it so wrong to want to care about you. You need someone. Why can't it be me? Am I not good enough?" Remus turned to add the third batch which just needed to soak for a minute. Severus tried to respond but Remus ignored him. Severus didn't know that Remus was really caught up in his own mind and abandonment again. As soon as the potion was in a vial Remus ran for the lake. He was trusting Severus to give it to his own head of house. It isn't really trust though when its just a lack of care though._

_He didn't got to the lake. If he went there now then Sirius would find him. He had been told to stay away but after that exit he would forget the fight or the agreement. As Remus thought about it there was often a Severus sized shadow not so far from his place in the trees by the lake shore. He had seen a student walk down after he was already settled. He didn't want to run into him again either. He decided to go to the only place he had were no one could find him. He went to talk with Moaning Myrtle. She was load and screechy, but when he got passed that she really had a lot to offer and needed someone to talk to._

_It also wasn't on the map, so unless Severus decided to come after him he would be safe and spared from any intrusions. He didn't need to cry. He needed to sleep. He had a free hour this period and could get an hour in without anyone giving him a hard time about Snape or class or projects._

_He needed to be completely un disturbed for just a little bit. When he jogged he thought. Now he was going to meditate. To stop all thought, and feeling. He needed the deadness he got from this bathroom. Instead of peace as he got in the prefect's bathroom he got nothing. He couldn't focus in bathrooms without real work and so he couldn't focus, For once nothing in his brain. He set a magic alarm clock and slept right on the floor, curled under his cap_

_I love reviews. They are great and keep me moving to the next chapter. It got me out of bed at midngiht tonight. Enjoy. Love you all._


	10. Chapter 10

Hey guys. This is short chapter, I know, btu I'm running on next to no sleep. I dont own harry potter and I wish ownedboth Severus and Remus. That would be lots of fun. Sorry it took so long, like I said no sleep. Camp is almost over though so expect more updates soonish. I dont think I keep you guys waiting too long any way but if I do sorry for that too.

Chapter Ten

Remus wished he had thought to borrow James' invisibility cloak when he heard someone at the bathroom door. It had voiced a soft creak as it slid open. There was the sound of a few footfalls before Remus heard a pause and the sharp intake of a worried breath.

Remus cast a silent invisibility charm. It wasn't nearly as efficient or effective as a cloak but it would make him harder to spot, merely a fuzzy patch of vision. The intruder would have to be looking to see him in the corner.

Remus still didn't know who the unexpected, unwanted visitor was so he needed to do more to protect from this potential enemy. He moved farther to the corner and held his wand out, ready to fling the hardest curse he could if the shadowy figure turned hostile.

"Remus," a soft sigh so light Remus was sure he could have, had to have heard it wrong. Who ever it was stepped closer, causing Remus to move out of the near corner, to a reserved alcove in the marble pedestal sinks.

After more invisible footsteps, "Why the hell isn't he Lupin anymore?" That voice. It was Snape. Remus was to stunned to move, too shocked to take the exist that the last step presented him. He just sat and stared at the place where the voice must have originated..

"So yesterday I thought of him as Lupin, if I thought of him at all. Now its Remus running 'round in my mind all the time." Snape was pacing. Remus wanted desperately to go comfort him. Hold him close like parents should. Remus wasn't sure he trusted Severus in this situation. He wasn't sure what reaction that would garner.

From the look of the sun through the window it seemed he had only slept for five minutes. He checked his clock, wordlessly adjusted to whisper into his ear. It was only five minutes. Five fucking minutes since class. Snape was too distracted with his own things to notice the electronic whisper. That alone tugged at Remus' heartstrings. But he had a good guessed what reaction would grace interference, in special from him.

Snape was mumbling about how tough it had been on him. How stupid the class was. How incompetent his partner was. Snape was distraught within his own mind with plentiful fresh offences from five fucking minutes ago. Remus could use the sleep, as Severus had harshly implied earlier, last night hadn't been his greatest sleep.

"He," Snape stumbled and slid down the wall. "He cried. Right here. And I left. All I can think of is him walking in with blood on his collar, no doubt from me. He stepped in between me and his friends." Snape sneered the last word, louder than a whisper now. "That fucking asshole has me to the point that I feel bad for him. I cant feel bad. I haven't felt anything for a while. If I feel bad He'll know. He will punish me."

He? Who was he? Remus decided it must be Voldemort. Who else could elicit the fear on Snape's face?

Operating under both the assumption that the He was referring to Voldemort and the obvious fact the Remus was causing, in part, the fearful expression on Snape's face, he was conflicted. He could either comfort Snape, Severus, he should be Severus. He could either comfort Severus and risk his life according to what he is saying, or he could let Severus be and possibly allow him to be consumed in the abysmal pit that is the service of the supposed Dark Lord.

Remus would have to stay quiet now though, to avoid provoking a wounded and vulnerable death eater who undoubtedly blamed Remus for the danger he was in. Remus decided to go see Dumbledore and consult him on the possibility and consequences for residing in the pocket of an evil wizard and calling Hogwarts home.

But now he sat very near the feet of Snape, Severus, and had to keep his arms physically held to avoid reaching out to touch and comfort this sad, angry peer.

"Remus. If you could only feel what I feel you would understand why I can be so mean. When I see the hurt in your eyes I know I should feel glad, He would ignore it if I enjoyed torturing you. But I care so it will mean punishment if he knows. Instead, when I see your eyes I feel numb. The pain of hurting such a caring soul, the like of which so reminded me of my mother last night, is too great to bear. It sobbed on the floor and I left it." Snape, Severus, leaned further back against the wall in the hopes of becoming inanimate and being absorbed into the stone never to be seen again. Severus didn't shrink back with fear though. He didn't look scared anymore. In fact he looked pensive. Not saddens just a pondering unlit look, focused on either a world beyond or a world of the future.

As Remus watched the play of emotions across Snape's face he felt the pain of each whiplash o feeling. He wanted to smooth the thought lines from his deeply creased forehead as he would if it were Sirius in front of him. Remus couldn't help but see similarities between the two brunettes. They both had different personalities. They both were obnoxious and the most rude when hurt or frightened. They both ran from real conversation and they both happened to reside on Remus' personal, private, permanent endangered species list,, a position which earned them both special care and attention.

"And I gave the shits he called friends that note. I didn't know what would happen. I hadn't been told that part. Why would I be? I'm not important. I wish now I talked to him. I should have talked to him in class. Someone needs to warn him of the nasty scheme against the Gryffindors with him directly in the crosshairs. " Snape looked so torn.

He was fighting his self-preservation instinct and the small part of him that remembered the lessons of his mother. On one side Severus had the threat of Voldemort and the Slytherins. On the either lay the wrath that would be incurred if he was seen with the brainy marauder. Black would either hit him, or Remus would go to protect him.

Remus wanted to talk to him. If he could figure out what was being plotted against him he wouldn't have to get all the Slytherins tomorrow because he would have the necessary information already.

Severus stood in the bright but fading light glittering around the under used bathroom. Moaning Myrtle hadn't made an appearance during Snape's stay which was appreciated by both parties. Severus wet his hands and splashed water an his face, relishing the cool water and the calming sensation it provided. The nearly frigid water removed some of the pallor from his cheeks and with the warm light and clean hair he looked nice. He would never be stunning but even Severus himself could see some desirable things in the mirror looking back with his own eyes.

As Snape, Severus, washed his face and observed what light and color can do for anyone, all Remus could think about was both extracting the needed information from the ailing death eater and helping the obviously frayed nerves. Severus needed both from what Remus had seen. Poor Severus would have company during Remus' marauder free lunch period.

Snape strolled of to his room, the Room of Requirements. He had the hour free as well and wanted some sleep. Ironically Remus was wide awake and had to do something constructive. He wasn't in dire need or sleep. On most full moons he functioned on much less than this. This was no challenge.

Remus went to read up on the spells for his potion that had thus far been thwarted. The library was, as always, a marauder free safe zone and Remus' brain moved on to other tasks. Though he still worried for Sirius and Severus and himself he chose to focus on a potion for the good of humanity.

A/n Review. Or not. But come on. So many story alerts, so few reviews. Just a "Kewl" or a "Sux" would be fine. If your going to ignore me ignore but just know this rant doesnt mean I dont love each and every reader with all my heart.


	11. Chapter 11

Hey. Love to all who read. I wrote you guys a cute one. Hopefully you guys will like it as much as I liked writing it.

Chapter Eleven

Both his class and free period flew by. Before he knew it he was sitting down to a picnic on the lawn going over his notes. He looked up often to scour the grounds for Snape.

When the latter did appear he seemed to be searching too. He was paying so much attention to the horizon that he failed to notice Remus and his blanket spread of food. He tripped over Remus' shoulder. Both had failed to notice each other and they discovered each other in the same instant that Severus landed in Remus' lap. Some pumpkin juice had spilled on Severus' shirt.

"I'm so sorry, Remus." Severus froze after his first name slipped out. Remus noticed it but chose to play it off as nothing. He cast a quick drying spell and Severus looked good as new.

"Its not a problem, Severus." Snape looked offended by something and Remus wondered what had him upset but thought it kinder to not ask. In fact he would lighten the mood for the dour male perched in his lap. "Much as I like you, aren't we moving a bit fast?" Remus wrapped an arm around Severus jokingly, although after earlier it was hard to not realize how nice it might be if it was real.

"You mock me, Lupin." Snape wiggled a little in Remus' lap and he tried to ignore the sensation. Severus needed a friend. Or at least that's what Remus was chanting as Snape slid off of his lap. The snide Slytherin made to stand up and storm away but Remus grabbed his hand to pull him back into a sit next to instead of on the Gryffindor.

Snape would have made to get up if it weren't for the fact that he had no one to meet. He felt for Remus and owed him, owed him more than he knew. Remus offered him a plate of roast beef sandwiches and a plate for him to gather his food upon. Severus took one.

It seemed symbolic to Remus, that he took a sandwich. A metaphor for excepting help and friendship. Of course Severus only thought of how shitty he felt for leaving Remus crying last night. How shitty he still felt knowing he had the supplies that Remus had gathered.

Remus was calmly licking a popsicle he had packed in a magical cooler. He wasn't hungry, more intent on Severus and the change he saw there. "What are you staring at?" Severus thought he was going to be ridiculed for his hair, or his clothes. Maybe the way he ate was repugnant to Remus. It was always something.

"I wasn't," Remus began, but remembered that Severus was used to lies and hatred. He needed both compassion and the truth. "Alright. I was staring at you. You look," Remus paused again and Severus went to leave before he could get more hurt than he was when he began this. He could salvage something. "Severus, wait." Remus cast an extremely fast silencing charm and disillusionment spell combined. No outside viewers could see or here Them and unless they walked inside the bubble they might as well be insanely far from the private lunch and discourse.

"I was staring. You seem different somehow." Severus flinched from the words as he would a slap and went to leave. Remus spoke quietly as he would have to try to trick Sirius or James to come closer instead of leaving. "I like the change. It suits you."

Severus turned, confused. What was he supposed to think about Remus saying these words. Oh how he longed for them to be meant at all, much less the way his heart yearned for. "Why mock me? Lupin? Don't your dear friends do it enough. Don't the unassuming masses make the ridicule clear enough without your help?" Remus moved forward to grab the ailing body in front of him. "Don't. Don't. What did you want from this, Lupin? Was the aim to gain my trust, or to simply gain something to use against me?"

Severus didn't make to move, but did throw the uneaten sandwich on the floor. The token of friendship flung aside. "Severus. Look at me. Please look at." Severus told his eyes to stay glued to the floor but they disobeyed and turned to those amber eyes. Severus didn't trust the blonde before him yet he did as he was told. "Do you know legilemency?" Snape didn't want his head to move a fraction of an inch yet it nodded, not enthusiastic but definitive. "Look. My walls are down. I will not let you see everything." This was a feral growl. Sirius would have held Remus and said it was okay. Snape didn't know about Moony and so didn't know the cause, assuming it was merely anger.

Severus knew entering his mind was a rotten idea. It would be difficult to hide from his master and it wouldn't be long before he had to face him. Yet Severus was sure he would comply, despite his minds persuading objections.

"Like I said Severus. You will be allowed to see much, but do not try to go beyond the boundaries. You would not like what you found there." Remus was sure Severus had bailed before the story of last night and he knew naught of the werewolf lurking under his skin. Severus would be in for a nasty shock. But the worst shock would be the anger he would receive from Moony. Only one person ahs experienced the full wrath of Remus' greatest secret and Sirius has years of experience dealing with it. Severus would be crushed.

Severus was interested in what he would see. Would he find the truth about Remus' vicious plot against him? It seemed unlikely. Remus wouldn't let him in if he had anything to hide that Severus could see. Severus had a question before the inevitable. "How did you know I was a legilemens? Its too rare to have been a lucky guess."

Remus reached over to pat Severus' hair. He was startled by how smooth and clean it felt. Not greasy but silky. Remus shock his head and moved the hand to his shoulder, a safer location. "I will answer once you know you can trust me."

"Legilemens," said Snape. He had to maintain eye contact. He was nowhere near good enough to do it without eye contact. He saw Remus standing up for him against Sirius and James many time. He watched the fight from earlier, but only a snippet.

And then he saw Remus sitting in bed mumbling about 'How to save Severus.' It looked absurd except for the extremely rapt and intent look on Remus' face, as though this was his only pressing issue. Gryffindor red and gold hangings were surrounding him and the minimal light suggested it was late at night. He could here snores from outside the drapery and a grunt or two as three roommates slept with ease while the fourth of their group worried. This seemed to be a nightly ritual by how many ideas seemed to flow from his, nearly in tongues with the speed and fluidity that they were shot out at.

"If I'm his friend he will be safe." was the last suggestion before Severus moved onto the next memory. Then he hit Remus' wall and chose not to test the mind he was in. They were closely matched but Remus clearly had some information that Severus didn't have. Severus pulled from his mind and leant back, shocked.

They locked eyes. "How did you know?" Severus said it gruffly, trying to hide the awe at the offered friendship behind the hate and scorn he was raised to know and love.

"I knew because," Remus paused and slid closer to Severus. Severus for his part, was too stunned to do mare than sit. "Voldemort," another pause because Snape had flinched at the use of his name. The sandy blonde threw an arm over Severus' shoulders. He rubbed soft circles upon his upper arm. "You-Know-Who wouldn't want a follower who couldn't."

At this Severus panicked. Remus knew and it would blow his cover. He would be useless as a spy and the Dark Lord would kill him if Dumbledore took his eyes of him for a second. He tried to play it off. "I have know idea what you mean. Do you feel well Lupin?" Remus just used his other hand to brush the silky hair away from the now terrified face.

"Severus, I wont tell. Honest. I want to help you." Severus wanted to leave but knew he couldn't stand with the fear coursing through his young veins. He wasn't mature enough for this spying. He wasn't mature enough for anything. A single tear slid down his cheek.

"Severus," Remus' voice was quieter now, pleading. "Don't worry. I wont tell." When this had no effect on the pale Slytherin before him he figured something else had Snape worried. "You'll be fine. You're smart and he will trust you."

"That's not it, Remus." Severus should have stopped there, because his voice cracked. "I'm lying to the vilest wizard alive. For Dumbledore's little Order. Your pissy little buddies want in so bad and I'm risking my life every fucking day for their cause." Remus had guessed Dumbledore must know what was going on but this seemed a little intense even for him. The wolf just sat and rubbed circles with one hand.

This was fucked up. They both knew it. Though they had never hated each other they hadn't been friends and now, in the span of less than twenty-four hours they had both cried in front of the other. "Severus, I'm glad you told me this. I'll try to do more in the future. But right now you need to eat. Have a sandwich or some crisps at least." Remus handed him another plate laden with food, delicacies the aroma of which caused Remus' mouth to water.

The dark haired boy slide away just a bit, leaving their knees still touching. He ate and ate, relishing in the feeling of hunger, having spent so long repulsed by the thought of eating. The stress that killed the desire for food seemed to have melted from him.

Remus just watched Severus eat until the hungry, hurt human wasn't hungry anymore. Remus felt he had to say something, "You can talk if you want. I know how hard it is to open up and if you need to say anything I'll listen." He looked at Severus and tried to look calm though he didn't feel it.

Severus was angry fast. "You 'know what its like?' How in hell do you know what its like?" Severus' words were coming between angry pants for breath. "Do you know what its like to feel like a monster? Like you shouldn't have been born, much less be who you are. Have you felt that?" The angry pant turned to a more mournful belabored breath pattern. The tears, barely ended, still not dry, began anew with more vigor. Remus moved back next to him. He knew these emotions. He had been through this maniac rant before. He had always been alone. He would ease Severus through he emotions that took him years to straighten.

Just as Remus began to say it was okay Severus put his head on Remus' shoulder and began with a new branch of the same idea. "I know for a fact no one would pick me first for anything. there are a thousand people that would take precedence. There are many people I see everyday that don't even consider my existence. Do you know what its like to know no matter where you go you'll be second best at best?"

These words were spoken softly, just into Remus' ear. It would have seemed romantic if not for the tears that ran down the pale face, staining it with salty marks of the pain inside.

"I know. I know what its like to feel like a monster. I know what its like to feel you would have been better left unborn. Knowing that others would be happy if you had never been." Severus let forth a rough, callus snort of mean-spirited disbelief. Remus would prove to him of the truth and of the trustworthiness he possessed. "I'll trade you a secret for a secret. I know yours. I'll tell you mine. My deepest, most vulnerable point." And so Remus commenced the story of his turn. He told Severus once again of his attack and of the near death and the hatred of his parents.

Remus was cried out. He shed no tears just held Severus and told him the story he had told no one. Repeated a story no one else knew. Severus stopped breathing, just slight tears flowed down his now rosy cheeks and remsu was lost for words to describe the creature before him, revealed as the truly beautiful thing he was in the glorious light of the sun.

At the conclusion of Remus' story he summoned the cooler from the other side of the blanket and pulled out two butterbeers and a carton of chocolate ice-cream. Once Severus had stopped crying he sat up and they indulged in the delicious calming dairy treat and savored the contraband drinks they shared.

I wont beg for Reviews because I only want reviews from the peopel who have the profesional courtesy to feel it is the right thing. I love all of you, both those that review and those that dont.


	12. Chapter 12

Hey guys/girls.(or others if their reading too) Two updates right in a row. Shows how much I love you guys. Happy reading.

Chapter Twelve

Calm was around the munching pair. This calm couldn't last though. The bubble they were in could only last till lunch at the best and they were far from the luckiest people. They both knew the others darkest secret, the existence of which is enough to break a heart. The ice-cream not even halfway gone when a familiar voice rang out to the school grounds as a whole.

"Prongs, you wouldn't believe it. She just freaked out on me like I was the one that did something wrong." Sirius scoffed at that like it was too far beneath him to even comment on. Severus tensed at not only the sound of the voice, but what it might mean to the contained unit of momentary happiness he had found.

"Pad, you sort of attacked her in the middle of the hallway." James was laughing and they were walking in the direction of the invisible pair. Sirius went to say something but James held up his hand to stop him. "Then, when she said you had gone to far, that she needed a break, you attacked her friend." Sirius went to say something in his defense, whatever you can defend after that, but James refused. "You were rounding second base within seconds of her saying she needed a break. With her best friend none the less. Just because Moony isn't here doest mean you can get all uppity about your abhorrent behavior.

Remus hand to fight the urge to jump up and give Prongs a standing ovation for the speech and most importantly his use of the word abhorrent. Remus was so proud that he forgot he was mad. So proud he forgot the would walk on top of the picnic in a matter of minuets. So proud he forgot, only temporarily, that Severus beside him hated these two and would be, to use James' word, abhorred if caught at a special picnic. They would never let it rest.

Remus wasn't thinking of escape plans in time though. The pride turned to fear because there was no way to leave without being seen and they had the skills, thanks to his teaching, to undo the charms. He looked to Severus. "Do you want to be disillusioned or do you want to tell them? Because I don't want you to feel like I'm hiding this."

"I have never been scared of them. As long as this won't spread around the school to unsavory ears it is probably best they know." He looked resigned, like a lost puppy who id found by people only to be placed in the pound.

"They will do nothing." Remus knew they wouldn't. He wouldn't let them hurt him now and he would be damned if they said anything about this, if Severus didn't want it to get around.

Prongs stepped first into the crisps. He didn't even have time to be shocked by the crunching sensation under his foot before Pad had cast a couple of spells nearly at once. The spells had just overridden the lock on the spell that was in place and expanded it to include James and himself. Both Severus and James were flummoxed by how fast he had caused that to occur and how calm he was about it.

Remus knew. He knew the best and worst of Sirius. He knew Sirius would be the one to cast the spell and he knew that he would expand it. Sirius hated the crowds unless he planned the fight. If it had been someone he couldn't bet he wouldn't want the school to catch a glimpse of it.

Shock filled the formerly happy bubble. James was shocked about both the occupants and the means used to expand the spell. Sirius was only shocked that Severus was with Remus. When he had seen he craftwork of the magical barrier he had been nearly certain the work was wrought by Remus. Severus was shocked by the ability of Sirius. If he could do that he should have better grades than he did. That was top notch work and would outstrip many of the best aurors. As a death eater who dealt with them often he knew the speeds with which they could undo charms and concealments. Sirius had most beat by a lot.

"What the fuck is that douche doing at your two man gathering? Are you two dating?" Sirius dropped to his knees in front of Remus. "Rem, will you forgive me long enough to let me attend the wedding?" James pulled Sirius to his feet and smacked him. He didn't need to say things like that when Moony was already pissed.

"Sirius, please get out. I don't want to deal with you right now. I cant deal with you right now." He was nearly pleading. Severus was trying to not seem like the frightened girl in this situation, and failing. He had been sitting beside Remus but he had shifted so his body was in between the two troublesome Gryffindors and the compassion starved Slytherin. He felt pitiful but it was nice to not have to be the only one who cares for his welfare. He liked knowing they wouldn't go after him first. He thanked Remus silently for giving him that feeling for the first time in his neglected life. Even with Dumbledore's 'caring' he still was the one who went into the snake pit every time the mark calls.

"I won't be leaving while he stays. I just want an invitation to the nuptials. " James pushed Sirius behind him. If he didn't watch his mouth they wouldn't be friends anymore.

""Remus, ignore him. You know how he gets. But, never mind. Its not our business." James was trying to drag Sirius back but he had added a stipulation o the spell. No one could leave without his permission

"Have you chosen the snakes over us? We have been gone for less than a morning and your out on a lovely private date with a nasty git. Do you realize that? You traded in for hi. That's a serious downgrade." He laughed at the Sirius play on words. He found this funny. His anger riled under the surface but the top layer that the world saw was just ribbing his friend as if his only problem was that he didn't like his new beau.

"Leave him the hell out of this Sirius. I said to leave me alone until dinner. I am not any less hurt than I was before. Now its just tempered by the anger that your blinds hate inspires in me." He was shaking but he refused to let Moony take control. It wasn't that he didn't trust Moony, but he needed to keep a handle on some private feelings heretofore undiscovered. Moony was known for saying things better left unsaid."

"Have you been with him before our fight this morning? You seemed pretty quick to jump to his aid. Is he less nasty without his clothes on?" Sirius was trying to goad Moony out to play because then he would get the information he wanted, no, needed.

"Do you remember what happened this morning? Do you remember hitting me?" Remus was disgusted, which helped to dissuade Moony from taking the reigns. No one wants to be closer to that foul feeling than necessary.

"He made me hit you. Let me at him. He is pathetic little shit who would be lucky to end up a shoe shiner." Remus flew to his feet, mostly because Severus had stood and was ready to start another muggle fight with Sirius.

"No one makes you do anything. You, and only you, hit me." He was back to sadness and Severus put an arm around his waist to signify that he was there in support.

"He's touching you.' Sirius sent forth a battle cry that was nearly a mourning call. He tried to break free of James' grasp to attack Snape but James wouldn't set him free. Upon discovering this he set of in the other direction and stormed out of the bubble.

"Prongs, please don't let him tell anyone. Severus would prefer none know." James leant forward and put a hand on his shoulder. It was nice to know that James would, for once, be reasonable.

"Remus and Snape sitting in a tree K. I. S. S. I. N. G. first comes," He looked into Remus eyes and converted his lovely singing voice to a light and airy whistle to the tune. He wasn't mature, but it could be worse.

"Tell him I'll see him for dinner and we can talk later tonight." James nodded and lightly patted Remus' sandy locks, whistling all the while. He walked out of the bubble with a sing-song step and both could tell he was still whistling when he got into the castle.

Severus stilled had his arm around Remus and was beginning to like it far more than he should. Remus turned his whole body in the light grasp and placed a kiss on Severus' temple. "I always watch out for you and all of the weak. Just find me if anyone gives you a hard time. And don't hate me for my friends." Remus ran his fingers through the super silky mass of dark hair while he spoke and watched the look on Severus' face. He was in ecstasy.

Remus rolled from the grip and faced the soul he had lunched with. "I must go friend." He used magic to repack the picnic save the ice-cream. He placed the container of ice-cream in Severus' now empty hands and walked from the bubble to the school.

Once Severus left the magical protective bubble it would disappear. He worried less about the extra magic use than he did about the boy behind him. He was sure that, although nothing had happened, he had taken advantage of his lack of experience with any friends. The look when he ran his fingers through that hair had left him scared. It was as if the act had been romantic. It was meant to be friendly, as he would with Sirius when he needed comfort.

Too much romance and too much worrying about misinterpretations. He was glad class would distract him from his friends. All of his friends. New, old and angry.

I wrote this because I got reviews. I get reviews I like to write. Simple math really. More reviews more desire to write. Thanks for the great reviews I've been getting.


	13. Chapter 13

Hey. Another late night. Im going to spoil you guys but you deserve it. Just dont expect it to contine. We should be over 30,000 words now. Yay!

Chapter 13

As easy as his class had been between his free hour and lunch, he almost knew that he would end up wanting to tear his hair out in ancient ruins after lunch. That's all he had and except for him and Lily Evans no one knew what was happening. Everyone asked questions a first year ruins student could answer. The Hufflepuffs obviously. If it had been Ravenclaws he wouldn't have been on a lonely, competent island. Fucking Hufflepuffs who need extra lessons. He had refused to help any of them anymore than he had to to get through the class.

He just sat, done with the homework plus some, and stared out the window towards the grounds. He knew what he wanted to do after supper and his chat with Sirius. The lake looked inviting in the light and he'd be damned if he didn't want a little trouble right about now. It was the longest class of his life, a double period with idiots and an ample view of a welcoming lake.

The time while the unworthy peers worked on the class work of a foot of translations, he had completed a foot and a half and done his homework. The work had been a description of the similarities and differences between the ruin for fire and that for light. He not only wrote the assigned foot and a half ont hat topic, but branched into the clear theological differences between modern days and the days of these specific ruins as shown in the difference in symbolism. It was a well written piece and had been handed in early.

His skin itched with a feeling foreign to this time of the month. Moony wanted a fight. No, not just a fight. He wanted either a prank or a fight of the magnitude that could get the expelled. He wanted to tie the Giant Squid to the whomping willow and see what happened. He wanted to see if Mrs. Norris would bounce if thrown down the stairs. He wanted to compare the bounce of that vile cat with the bounce of her owner, the repugnant Mr. Filch. The caretaker had never been seen with a broom.

He felt the need to scream. He threw a wad of paper at a Hufflepuff, just to see if they would pick a fight or apologize for getting in the way of the toss. The poor bastard apologized. That's when Remus felt bad. He apologized for being reckless and rude. That's when Remus decided to help the stupid Hufflepuffs instead of stealing Sirius' job and getting them all expelled.

Once the class was over Remus did run. He knew it was supper time so he ran to the class that the other three had instead. It was divination, on the other side of the school. He just ran and leapt like a madman, feeling like his mind had snapped just a little bit. Halfway to divination, or about the point of the journey when he could smell the great food in the Great Hall he figured that they could make it on their own. He saved the seats in the customary places and ate as much as he could.

The hall was loud and he didn't hear the three enter until they sat down. Sirius sat down with his legs on different sides of the bench with his arms around Remus before he knew what happened to him. "I, I didn't mean it. Rem, don't hate me. I need you to say you don't hate me. If you don't hate me I'll be fine about you fucking Snivellus." Remus glared and Sirius realized what he had just said and tried to dig his way out of the massive whole he had fallen into. "I won't say a mean word when he's around and will try to cut back when he's not. I won't prank him and I'll buy him gifts at the holidays just like I buy you stuff. Remus, Moony, I'm so fucking sorry that I'll go over and sing an apology to him if it will mean you won't hate me anymore."

Remus had counted all of one breath through that entire thing. He just started laughing. He laughed so much his sides hurt. He laughed till tears slid down his cheeks and blurred the vision of the school around him. He laughed until he knew the whole school was staring. Sirius just sat quivering next to him, hoping and praying to all the magical powers and great wizards that Remus would say something, give any sign that this hatred would pass as a leave passes on the breeze. 'Dear Merlin, I need him to forgive me.'

Remus, still chuckling slightly with excess mirth, wrapped his arms around the boy in front of him. He tried to reassure even though he could gather no air to form thoughts, no thoughts to form words of comfort. Sirius' longer, stronger arms held his friend to him. He was so glad he could dance. He might.

Once Remus could breath he pulled back a little, not out of the grip but enough to see the face that had waxed so profusely on his need for forgiveness. "I can offer you know forgiveness." The whole hall held its breath. Not even hushed whispers echoed of the walls. Remus wouldn't forgive Sirius? That was preposterous. What would they be without Remus? The marauding, failing three?

"I can offer no forgiveness because none is needed." Many held breaths were let out, not in gusts but gails, carrying words on their current. "I was never mad, just hurt." this was said so that just the four of them in their close knit corner could hear over the raucous ramblings of adolescent wizards. "That fucking stunt this afternoon," Remus lowered his voice more so that none could here save Sirius. This didn't need to be worse for his pride than it was. James needn't see the fall of Sirius. "That was so uncalled for though that I may make you go sing apologies to Severus. It is Snape or Severus. He isn't Snivellus. Why would you say that while apologizing for being an ass?" Sirius wasn't worried for now though because he still hadn't pulled away completely.

"I will try really hard, dearest friend, but you must be patient. I am slow to learn and quick to insult. I will apologize Snape if it would make you happy." Sirius meant it. He would try as hard as was possible to be kind to the Slytherin. He would do anything he had to keep Remus talking to him. Today had been torture without him. He was like the brother he never had. Well, he had a brother so Remus was the brother he always wanted.

They broke the embrace by mutual consent so they could eat. Food, as difficult as emotions were for teens, was supreme to all but the most superb of pleasures. The food tasted as a feast, which it was. The company seemed like family, which for them all it was. James lived with his own, biological family, yet all of them considered this at least part, if not all of their family.

The hall was loud again, as it should be. It was incredible how fast the hall could change its object of interest. It was almost bipolar but none at that table minded being out of the spot light for now. The light shown on different people, as Dumbledore thought it should. No need to light one section, even if that section was at the same time both the worst and the best in the school. Smartest and rudest. Kindest and crudest. Outspoken and withdrawn. Study in the lunchroom and set fireworks on the lawn.

The table was quiet except for knives and forks on china until after the desserts disappeared. When Remus stood they all followed, hoping for homework help. "Hey guys," Remus began, "hurry with the homework I have a plan that's calling out to me." They all looked to him and decided this would be worth hurrying through the homework, if just to know of this plan he so wanted try. No one asked what it was, expecting something less than devious but hoping anyway.

Sirius and James finished before Peter, even with Remus helping only Peter with his work. Remus was, no surprise, already done with all of the work from classes for most of the week. Once Peter was done they all sat on the sofa, to close with all on the body so Sirius sat on the arm. The focus was on Remus. He had a plan and all bowed down to his supremacy when it came to planning, as long as the plans where meant to be loved. Plans for homework, no matter how productive and properly constructed, still sucked.

"I want to go skinny dipping once the sun goes down. Lets go now and I can gather the towels from the prefect bathroom because it has the better, bigger, beach towels. Come on guys." The marauders were into this plan. Everyone loved the concept and if Remus was going to support it they were invincible.

In front of the bath holding four of the most superb towels in the whole school they were all content until they realized they had to be able to sneak back in. It was light now so technically they could leave, but they weren't allowed in after dark. "We don't have the invisibility cloak. Should we get it?" James was trying to keep the plan alive as it died in both Sirius and Peter's eyes.

"We don't need it. I have a way to smuggle us back into the castle. Calm down. We wouldn't fit under the cloak together anyway." He sounded so calm that they had to believe him. He planned. Its what he did. If he had a plan they could go swimming and they would get back into the dorms unpunished.

The walk out of the school was uneventful. No one noticed and there were no teachers, as Remus had known there wouldn't be. The walk to the edge of the lake was, well, magical. They all were in awe as the saw the blood red sky and the glimmer of the lake. It was a picture perfect moment and they would soon mare the landscape with their bare flesh. It was a rush.

Remus lead them to hi clump of trees, hoping that no one had watched them walk to the shore line. "You guys can go in whenever you like. It is already too dark to be seen from the castle and to beautiful to not become a part of it." Remus stripped past his skivvies and walked to the edge. He had wanted to do this since the first night he had watched the setting sun from the special grove of trees now uniquely his own.

The waves lapped at his ankles, looking blood red as they parted to go around the thin thighs. He walked slowly, savoring the look when the lowest part his body visible was his flaccid cock. He stopped to fully absorb the look of his torso floating in this faux blood. He gave up then, relinquishing control to some deep instinct telling him to swim to the middle and see the castle from a blood red sea. When his head went under to begin to swim he was glad it was instinct propelling him because after the day he had had he relished the feeling of the surprisingly warm water around him.

Long powerful strokes pulled him as far as they would, and when he couldn't resist the temptation to look anymore he turned. His eyes first saw the highest tower, divination. They followed that line down to the main building, grand and grey, now painted in a pinkish haze. His eyes raked down the lawn, seeing the vast expanse that was open to all students. Then his eyes went to his grove where his friends had been but minuets before, now there was just a pile of clothes and the image of three figures cutting threw the water with varying speeds and a wide margin in the category of grace.

Sirius was the fastest and most graceful. He reached Remus first and couldn't contain his excitement. "This was beyond brilliant, even for you." The joy wouldn't be satisfied with words though, not with Sirius. He launched himself at the teenage werewolf and tried to push him and. When James reached them they were significantly into their wrestling match but welcomed the company with open arms, figuratively of course because open arms would mean a loss.

By the time poor, portly Peter arrived the fight was over, Sirius victoriously sing and all laying on their backs, loving the now dark night. The stars shone above, the only light that could be seen except for the occasional window with a candle on its sill. It had gone from a sun set romp to a leisurely nighttime swim, much more to Peter's taste anyway.

No words needed to be said to Sirius. Just a swim and the earlier few sentences seemed to be all that Remus needed to calm his nerves. Moony was happy to swim beneath this starry sky and look at the moon without fear.

Time seemed to stand still and yet fly by. Soon, and yet an eternity later, they were swimming back to the pebbled beach to dry and dress. It had been what they all needed. For the first time in months Peter seemed to belong and James, Sirius and Remus would say nothing or chance spoiling this positive change.

Once dried and dressed in their clothes the gang again fell in line behind Remus. He went to a secret door under a rock but his hollow of trees. He sent Peter and James in first. He was just about to follow, Sirius refused the idea of him going last, when he realized he didn't have the map. He had brought it in his pocket, to aid their homeward march once inside the castle.

"Siri, go on. I need to go look for the map." He saw the look in Sirius' eyes and let him say the inevitable words.

"I won't leave you outside alone." Remus put a hand on Sirius' shoulder and kissed him in the middle of his forehead, like he would with a little child. "I'll be back safe, Siri. Get those two misfits back and I'll see you there."

"Fine, but I'm not happy about this. Keep this prick safe Moony." Sirius had no other option and yet he had to force himself to leave Remus alone, outside in the night. It wasn't until he was already through the portrait on the other side that he remember the fucking Slytherins from last night. He ran to the dorms, dragging the other two with him. He needed to be there waiting. Remus would feel he didn't trust him if he went back for him, but he had to wait for his best friend and he had to be there if the got more unexpected, un wanted post.

Remus, like Sirius, didn't remember last night until it was too late. He returned to the place their clothes had rested, where he had rested so many times. The map was right there. It was hard to think he had missed it the first time around. When he bent to reach for it he felt a tingle down his spine and turned to see a hooded figure. Remus had had his wand drawn from the moment he left the rocky entrance and so this fell being was right to be scared. He cast a face tinting spell. It wouldn't harm whoever it was at all. It would however mean that they would be bright orange all of tomorrow and soon he would know who his stalker and would be attacker was.

He left the figure to do as it was wont. Only once he was into the tunnel did he start running and only once in the dorms did he stop. He looked out the window at the stars and he thought about the moon and the beauty of the setting sun.

I wrote. I'll continue to write. Review. Don't. I don't care. It seems that it is in your best interest to review, atleast if you wan tmore, cuz them I write more, but do whatever you feel. Much love.


	14. Chapter 14

Hey. I love you guys so much. I love this story and its so easy to keep writing knowing that peopel are reading it and enjoying it.

Chapter 14

Sirius was startled to here Remus enter so rushed and out of breath. His friend, werewolf or not, was almost always in control of the situation. Sirius found that he didn't even hold Remus to what he said around him because Sirius irked Remus in a way no other did, or probably ever would. He worried for his friend now because he had unsettled as of late and to see him running after such a glorious, relaxing swim meant that something happened, though Sirius doubted he would be kept in the loop.

It wasn't until Remus failed to notice the eyes on him that Sirius became truly upset. Was he not worthy of note? Or was Remus hiding something from him? Something so bid his mind could do naught else?

As Remus stared to the moon Sirius could discern his face. It could have been filled with fear, as coated Remus in times when the moon and Moony claimed his full mind. It could have been wonderment. He had often been found gazing at the moon and utter softly spoken endearments to the little light in the sky that controlled the tides of the sea and of his own mind. It was hard for Sirius, the clown of the group and the school, to see Remus so worked up. It didn't matter that they had fought today, come to blows today. They were as tight as they ever had been and the rashness of tonight's actions meant that Remus needed something beyond the simple promise to be kind to the bat of the dungeons.

This called for a distraction. Once his mind and body were distracted he would spill the ails that ailed him. Sirius pounced on Remus from behind, wrestling him to floor and resting atop him. His elbow were placed on Remus' broad shoulders and Sirius' head was held between the light fingertips. "Getting a bit slow, Rem. Your kind of pitiful recently."

"Yeah, Siri. I'm the pitiful one. We were apart for one day and you jump me as soon as I'm back in the room. And, I could take you if I wanted." Remus put accent on the word take and Sirius, though not insulted, was shocked at the change that had come about Remus.

"You know its not like that, Rem. I just want to be your friend. If I wanted more I would have it. But on the taking me part. Hmm. I fell I have already taken you dear one as you are pinned to the floor." Sirius was enjoying this, the teasing that he had missed this past day of classes. He liked Pads and Wormtail plenty but they were too self-absorbed. James was only ever interest in one subject, Lily Evans. And Peter had no personality at all so he might as well just talk to a wall with as much response as he would get from either of them.

Remus used his muscles, honed by years of transformations from beast to boy, to flip their little grouping. Now Sirius was pinned and had no chance of escape, save by devious and drastic measures. "I am stronger and smarter. I have the looks. Now dear Padfoot, what will you ever do when I grow out of these silly games and move on to bigger and better things." Remus accentuated bigger and better things with first a squeeze to the clenched bicep below him and than a light tap upon the shaggy head. He was laughing, enjoying feeling like the old him of, Remus looked back, of twenty-four hours ago. It seemed so long since he had been just Remus Lupin.

"Move from my silly games to other things Remus?" Sirius lilted as one with a card still yet to play. "Bigger and better, you say?" He smirked as he slowly slid down, Remus being to kind to actual grip him no power save in applying force in the same direction as gravity. "I have a guess and I like it little, though I will hold my tongue for your ears have grown sensitive of late." Remus smacked him playfully and grabbed him firmly by one shoulder and a fistful of dark and wild hair. "You've become such a pussy you cant even stand to be called out on it. You can't bare to hear me speak the truth of you." Sirius laughed in that way he did, were eyes crinkled and his smile lit the room as though a torch had be set ablaze. And yet none woke in this room, for this occurrence wasn't rare and neither James nor Peter paid the best of friends any mind so long as they didn't jump upon the bed of the sleeping.

"Say what you wish to say my friend for I have the power and you clearly wish to voice your thoughts tonight." Remus released his grasp on the shoulder but held firmly on the hair.

"I have been granted a great gift from the sovereign of this great land." He mock bowed as much as he could in his current state. "I shall use this gift to air the thoughts that consume the peace of mind I once had." Remus laughed at the absurdity of the words he spoke, and at the fact that some of their peers and teachers thought this master of words and trickery was slow. Obtuse yes, but in the strong-willed sense, not the weak-minded. "I would wish my humble grievances without the scorn and disdain of my liege."

"Remus nodded and decide to play along. He bade him to continue. "I was of the assumption that I have far superior looks. I am a right Adonis in the sun and hold much pride in out doing you in my far greater merit of my own Greek tale." Sirius was tensing but Remus didn't read the signs for what it was. He continued to play along and deigned to consent that betwixt the pair of them they held more splendor than many a legendary warrior.

"I would also like to state I outmatch thee in musculature and strength." While these words sunk in, though the sharp wit of Remus only took a fraction of a second, Sirius flipped them and instead of holding Remus pinned jumped back and over the bed so that he lay on his own bed and Remus was left on the ground alone. "And now that I bested you we can talk like a pair of normal, respectable folk." At that Sirius chuckled and his merriment was only increased when he watched Remus pull himself onto his own bed.

"What the hell was with the fancy speech?" Remus was laughing as well and didn't want to break the mood in the room and leave the void open for the near panic of earlier to enter and overwhelm him.

"I know how much you like those tales and times of old and I needed a good distraction and a good laugh. Looks like I got both." Sirius rolled over, all laughter gone from his face. He was serious to a point that hadn't been seen from Sirius since the first full moon they went through together. "How was your day?" Sirius smiled, serious still there. "I have never had to ask that as your day has always been our day." With that a gesture was made to include the two sleeping members of the room with both of the conversing friends.

"It was fine. I loved our swim. I really needed that." Sirius smirked a Slytherin worthy smirk. "Hey Siri. In the past minute your face has been serious and Slytherin. Showing your true colors, are you?"

"Rem. I worry for you. Why can't Serious and Sirius be one for once?"

"Sorry oh master of many faces." Remus was trying to make light of the situation but Sirius had plans for this conversation and wouldn't let them be delayed any longer.

"Speaking of Slytherins. What is going on between you and Snape?" Padfoot's eyes stared intensely at Remus trying to read the answer out of the depths of the other's eyes incase he chose to not answer.

"I feel bad for him. I worry for him. He has been through some of the same Slytherin shit you went through. I want to help him as I couldn't help you during your years in the pureblood hell. I want to make a difference and I want you to at least not make one so similar to you feel like shit. Is that too much to ask of you, Sirius?' Sirius looked hurt. He knew that Remus was stubborn but to think that he, his best friend, would work against him was as thick headed as it got.

"Rem, I just want to know what I ca know and what I can't. I'm not allowed to know the reason the school can't know about it. That much I understand. I just want to be kept in the loop so I can know you're safe. Today was fucktastic without you to temper James' self-worth and Peter lack of self. It sucked so stay safe because the only reason I'm still sane is knowing that I could see you later." He looked over to his friend. "By the way, if it was about bigger and better," he waggled his eyebrows suggestively, "I would be the obvious choice."

Sirius closed his eyes and listened for the expected chuckle and the slowing of Remus' breathing, knowing he was more pliable when nearly asleep. "If you fall in love with him bring him home to meet the family before you tell him. Got that, Rem?" Remus grunted in something close to assent. Sirius smiled at the 'Family' they had. They were lucky to have him and so was Snape. Dear Merlin, he wasn't even thinking of the git as Snivellus anymore. "What the hell has happened to the balance in the world when I, Sirius, don't hate him, Snape?" This was murmured so that it wouldn't wake the barely asleep werewolf in the next bed. He drifted off with thoughts of sunset swims and his true family floating in the water at his side.

Guys, you know what needs to be said. Review. But really I hav people who review and if you are so busy that you cant take the ten seconds to review then fine. Forget that I spent hours writing this at night while I should be sleeping. But even if you dont review I will continue to love you because just another visitor makes me content.


	15. Chapter 15

Hey. I dont own Harry Potter and I love you guys. Sorry its alittle short but it had to be on its own.

Chapter 15

5While Remus was forced to the floor, so was Snape. He didn't have the liberty to fight the attacker though, for his attacker chose to use the wand instead of the body. The dark cave that Severus had been brought to by the dark mark he bore was filled with men and women of hate, wearing the mask that al knew. These masks hid their true selves from others, but many used it to hide the truth from their own inner eye.

Snape had been on time to the meeting, it was hard to be late when you had no control over the manner of your own body's travel. He was pressed to the floor now merely for sport. Voldemort's older followers were dimwitted and foresaw no harm in torturing the freshest meat. Voldemort never allowed this. He held his henchman in high regard. He only punished when punishment were do.

Odd to think that the most evil being to walk the earth in a century would be kind to his faithful. That didn't make it not true. These thickskulled older breed were only there for show. These were the few of the beginning of this terrible age. They were from the dawn of his time of power. Voldemort kept them around to prove that he would be faithful to those who were faithful.

A spark of red brought Severus back to the cave floor. He much preferred his mind. This spell caused tiny razors to slice at each follicle of hair. It would do no lasting harm and only caused pain now. They were warming up and felt they would have lots of time ere Voldemort arrived. They never were allowed this behavior before the Dark Lord and they tried to never get caught while doing it.

Another spark, this of blue, hit Severus and each of those tiny incisions were magically pulled apart. It was slow but with the cuts all over his body being opened at the same time he felt as though his skin was tearing apart. He never felt such pain. Poor Remus, to go through this every month.

Severus blessed the next burst of light because it drew him from the perilous land that was emotions in the land of pain and torture. This was yellow and he felt the wounds begin to heal. He was shacked by thus more than anything that had occurred in a long while. He had never seen them end by healing him. They preferred to laugh as he fumbled with the charms all on his own. They would aid only if they heard the Dark Lord draw near.

He heard no stir. He saw nothing except the jagged rocks of the ceiling. But then he felt a familiar presence in the vicinity and he strove to stand and bow to his liege. His legs worked to get him to his feet, but with the regaining of his stature he also regained blood flow to his brain and instead of his always flawless bow he merely, nay, barely, made a slight nod without divulging the contents of his stomach instead of the goings on in Hogwarts.

Many of his fellow followers were horrified by the gall of this young encroacher. All knew how the Dark Lord respected him. He nearly revered this miscreant for his birth and his position close to the blubbering idiot Dumbledore. The hate already his due to his existence only grew because of the high position to which he had already ascended. If Tom's heart ever had the power to love it would have been this youth, forced to age beyond his years. As it was Voldemort took Severus under his wing, though what the Dark Lord thought or felt, if anything, were none willing to guess.

A simple meeting proceeded. The followers said nothing about the failure to bow and Voldemort did nothing out of the ordinary. He gathered what information he could from his other spies and then sent the whole lot of them away from the meeting. Severus was used to this, it was always this way. Voldemort shared nothing with his lesser followers and he shared the workings of Dumbledore with none save his most trusted spy.

The Dark Lord seemed pleased with all that Severus had to say. Dumbledore had of course fed him the material. He could never lie this convincingly without his aid. Listening to what he said and offering him aid, that sounded like Remus, the werewolf he had to keep from the Dark Lord most of all. He banished that sandy blond head from his mind. He needed no distractions.

Voldemort came to stand before Severus. Anger caused the candles to flicker in their holders. The walls were cast with a loveliness it had to be terrible. A terribleness doomed to attract, as a moth to the flame. Voldemort meant to intimidate and then turn sweet. He used this tactic often. It was hard to remember anything but who you were sworn to when his power seemed so great. And when he was sweet it was hard to remember why you didn't want to do what he asked in the first place. The charisma had never waned from this body and if anything it had waxed anew.

"Why did thou not bow? Do you mean to disrespect me?" Voldemort fanned hurt. He acted well were it not for the evil glint in those reddening eyes. Severus bowed now, as low as he could, and his hair hung to the floor and hid his face.

"I meant no disrespect. I would never wish that, my lord. I was merely beset with such a dizzy spell that had I bowed any lower than I did I would have spilled more than my tales." Severus stood but took a negligible step back, a clear sign of subservience. Snape looked to those eyes and sought the soul that must at one point have dwelled there.

Both he and Dumbledore knew that as the Dark Lords protégé he would have to work hard to keep from falling out of grace, but there was little the others could do to harm him in the power hungry Dark Lord's eyes.

"I apologize for the crassness of my speech then. Are you well now? We have discussed all we need to, you may go. Do tell me when next you feel faint for I would rather you rude do to sickness than do to a will to undermine me and my designs." Voldemort, in these times, looked almost like Tom would have had he not been raised with so much hate. He looked not just human on the outside, but it seemed even his questionable soul was human and pure.

"I will do as you bid. Thank you dearly for understanding, master. I would loath to think that you had even mere inklings of ill will from me." Severus bowed out and pressed the tip of his wand to the vile mark on his skin forever and anon.

Severus arrived as always in Hogsmead. His breath caught as he saw the castle. It appeared different in every light and was unrecognizable now, in the shaded gaze of the moon and from an angle that accentuated the fortress aspect of his great school, and truly, home. The castle would be locked and barred to visitors and without Dumbledore as a personal escort there were few ways in when one wasn't supposed to be out. He entered the castle through the secret passage in Honeyduke's cellar. This was a secret to most but as he thought he came up with a group of four that most likely knew this path already. It was odd to think of them as neutral.

As he walked through these darkened hallways he pondered a lot of things that needed to be thought of, if just so he knew how to respond if asked.

He had never hated them, but neutral implied they held some good and after today he believed he had found enough good to explain away their reckless behavior. They were rude and rash because who wouldn't be with the happiness they had to expect everyday? Who wouldn't be happy when they didn't have to see the Dark Lord at his beck and call? They didn't need to grow up, so who would. When someone looks after them why should they learn to face the truth that mean fought and died for. When a werewolf was your own personal protector who needed to worry.

Review or not. I love you any way so do watcha gotta do and I'll do what I do.


	16. Chapter 16

Hey. I sat down to write some fluff and this happened so I guess it was just meant to be. Im not so sure about it so I'll take any feedback you got.

Chapter Sixteen

Severus sat in the Room of Requirements that night. He couldn't sleep for worry. He knew the Slytherins were plotting something. Coming after Remus in the worst way possible. And yet in an hour's time alone with him he hadn't said a word of it. He couldn't live with the guilt if they had seized him. He didn't know what they had planned. Didn't want to.

In the Slytherin world the more pain you could cause others the less pain others felt you deserved. Thus the Slytherins weren't the most popular in the school. The most ruthless have few friends, having hurt them all at some point in the sick and twisted saga of Slytherin life. The truly good, the kind and generous, fuck it. He laughed at that thought. There were no kind in Slytherin. The kind were put in other houses. The purebloods with souls were placed in Ravenclaw. It held almost the same honor as the noble house of Slytherin without the soul crushing, heart rending hate that harbors in the murky social circles of the dungeon.

Severus had never belonged there. He may have been to selfish for Gryffindor but his heart couldn't have been as black as the Blacks. He had done nothing to make the hat place him in the pit of venomous snakes he had been thrust in as little more than a child. He had often wondered not just why he had been placed in this house filled with hate but what would have been different if he hadn't have been put in with the poison of the pureblood spawn. It was airborne and just eating with them had been enough to taint him in the eyes of the school, at least those that would have looked upon him in the first place.

He often wished he could ask the sorting hat why. If it had been so terrible for him to be placed here why had it happened. Had the hat wanted his pain. Relished as others before and after in the suffering of Severus Snape. Mr. Snape had always loved it. And now Voldemort enjoyed the suffering of all, and though he didn't support the beatings he faced, he suffered it for 'the greater good.'

And Dumbledore was no better. A sixth year. Barely sixteen sent as a spy into the most dangerous place there is. This was the type of assignment where mothers, were they alive to speak, would say, 'That's far too dangerous. Cant he just go train a Hungarian Horntail in its stead?' But he had no mom. He knew nothing beyond this, and he had decided that that hat must have been out to get him too, from the beginning of career here. The sorting hat had doomed him to the life he lived and everyone who still lived to care for him allowed the suffering to continue. Except Remus.

Remus had stood up for him. He had never done anything to help Remus. He had lumped him in with the others. And yet the secret workings in his life clearly could have erred far worse than they had were it not for his guidance and protection. The sun was rising through the window that this most magical rooms had made of its own volition. Had Remus had a hand in his discovery of this safe haven? At this point in this tale, already damned beyond measure or guess, it was beyond him to doubt anything of anyone.

He had no sense at this point, made no sense to his inside the confines of his own mind. No sleep and riddled with guilt for the possible torture of the only person he could even pretend was on his side. It might end in disaster but this friendship would be worth annihilation, just to know what it felt like to not have to hate everyone. He didn't hate Lily, but she always expected him to watch every word that he uttered. It was too much work for someone who had to control their thoughts, on fear of death for himself and 'his friends', for long portions of the time that his eyes were open.

The concept of watching anything go by anymore was unbearable. He sat and watched his whole life. It was a terrible choice between the risk of death or the death born of the lack of living. He had watched Lily drift away to the side of James. She still laughed and talked to Severus, but she would leave if he mentioned anything deeper than his hate of the potions homework. He didn't mind. He didn't care at this point. James was a giant douche as far as he was, had been, concerned. He cared what happened to Lily of course. They had gone through this all together, and until the end of last year she had been the closest to real family he had ever had. The fact that she was slowly being stolen by 'the family,' as Remus had so aptly put it, would have killed his will to go on if it had happened earlier. He had fortified his heart the moment he signed on with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He felt, but he could ignore. It wouldn't hurt in the same way if she would just tell him. She hadn't said a real word to him all year. They had talked but nothing had been said.

It stung like a hive of bees. Knowing that one day, sooner than later, she wouldn't come back. She would never look back to the halfblood who had tried his best to help her acclimate in the wizarding world. She would forget how she had cried on his shoulder when Petunia had called her a freak. She would forget.

She would forget the day before second year when his dad had hit him extra hard before Severus left to meet her at the park. That day the sun had shone brilliantly. It was filled with the sounds of the wind and the bugs. The birds had chirped a chipper song and when the wind blew just right the old and rusty swings would rattle and call to the twelve year olds laying side by side on the hill. She wouldn't remember how he had begged and pleaded her to go play. She might let her mind be slowly warped by the marauders until she saw him as an eternal burden who on that day had not let her leave his side. He almost hoped she would forget so that the memory wouldn't be twisted t be a thing that reminded her of hate. Laying in bed o the morning after the meeting he hoped she wouldn't remember.

Wouldn't remember the way the sun had made them both to hot. The way he had told her to go inside. It was to hot for a pretty ginger to be out in the sun all day. She had laughed and brushed it off. She had said that if he were staying then so was she. He hoped she would forget how unfair that had been. If him leaving would have prevented her sunburn that day he would have gone. He couldn't stand. He tried to play it off. He wanted her to inside. He wanted to deal with this alone. She had said that he would either get up and walk her home, or suffer her company. She had known. She hadn't wanted to admit it, knowing he didn't want her to know, but she had known. She would hopefully forget that. If Merlin was merciful she would forget the memories of the days he couldn't stand, if only so that the others couldn't use it against him.

He hoped more for her than for himself though. He hoped she would forget that day, and all of their days of glory. He hoped she would forget so that she would never suffer pain for leaving him behind. She wouldn't mind if she grew to regret him, their friendship. If she grew to hate and scorn him, he would be fine. Happy even. But if she grew to regret happiness because of that day he would never forgive himself.

Potter couldn't be that bad, if Lily liked him enough to trade him up. He had to be a stand up guy. Severus didn't blame him, much as he would like to hate him. Potter would be upset if Lily regretted anything. He would blame himself, where Severus couldn't. Remus would suffer. The whole 'family' would suffer if she remembered, that day especially.

She couldn't remember that moment, when the clouds had parted and reveled to Severus' eyes the extant of her sunburn. Her whole bay was red and angry. It looked like she would have to hospitalized. for a long time. "Silly Lily," he had said. He tried to sound angry. He was angry. But the gesture was too nice for his young, underdeveloped mind to scold. She was the first person, beside his mother, to go to any trouble for him. She had tried to look scolded, and had failed as badly as he had.

"Severus, what else was I to do? I didn't leave you alone now, and I will never leave you alone, for as long as you need me." it had been one of those moments, where young people say profound things. Severus would have been proud, yet something wasn't right. Then the trees began to blow and the air hung with the magic of her accidental spell. Severus hadn't understood the repercussions then but he knew them now.

As long as Lily thought he needed her, she wasn't allowed to move on. She didn't know of the spell, and for her to understand what it meant she would ask for proof and where the proof had come from. She was too smart to buy into the concept of 'the library' as an avoidance answer. She wouldn't be able to move on without convincing that he didn't need her. His knowing the spell linked him to broader magic than the halls of Hogwarts taught. He would have to tell her and risk the safety of the world.

All he had to do was convince her that he was too old to need her help and the world would get to keep spinning. He just had to figure out how to do that without risking the world again.

He had decided to tell her he didn't need her, and if she took it as a plea for help he would use the word he hated most, and she would leave. She would move on and be happy. Be happy as long as she forgot. So for him and her and the marauders he hoped she forgot. And for the rest of the word, he would have to convince her to forget. It was one of his many missions that he would easily trade for death.

Like I say every time I love you guys no matter what, but this one is a sore spot for me. I would like reviews more than ever and I wouldnt care if you hated on the story. Itd just be nice to know I made an impression to more of you than just the (awesome) people who review all the time.


	17. Chapter 17

Hey guys. I got an update in after all. I dont know when I'll be able to get on next but I hope you guys like this one, because I kind of love it. Like not just a little but a lot. So enjoy. Oh and just for the heck of it everybody do the happy dance cuz we should be over fourty thousand. I dont see any happy feet.

Chapter Seventeen

Severus walked slowly into the great hall to begin his day. It was early which meant that no one would be there. Or at least that no one should be there. He sat down and when he looked up not ten seconds later there was someone sitting across from him at the supposedly empty table.

A red head of hair was hanging around a face of white skin. It was Lily. Severus was thrilled, and then depressed because of what he had to do. He had to be blunt without telling her anything. This would be hell and the people who looked down on him would slowly file in around him, watching and hurting him whenever presented with the opportunity. "Lily," He said coolly, hiding the pain he felt and the fear that held him in its terrible maw. He hated life in this moment, feeling both the sting of abandonment and the sharp stab of being the one to finally walk out on their failing friendship. This table was hell.

Of course this table couldn't take all the blame. His life had a shocking propensity for imitating hell. Hell was relative. And he would chose Voldemort over telling Lily to back off.

"Hey, Sev. What's up?" She was acting like nothing was wrong. In her mind nothing was wrong. But it was and is wrong. On so many levels. He tried to ignore her. That's what he would do if he was hurt because if her. That's how he would have to act to sell this to her. It would be tough but to convince her that she wasn't wanted would be easier if he played it consistent. Easier in hell. Was that possible? He had been sure he was in the worst hell possible. "I'm sorry Severus. I have missed you. Don't play that game." She tried to distract hi from the toast he was so focused on. She tried to take it away. He wasn't going to give in. It was for the best.

"I know you're mad but you've never done this before. Don't shut me out. I'll be back." He looked up at that. The Slytherins were around in droves. If she left and came back they would target her. Lucius Malfoy would be all over her. He'd want to be all over her.

"Don't. Its not worth it. Just don't." The words stung like bees on the way up his throat and once out of his mouth it took everything he had not to tell her how terribly sorry he was. He wanted so badly to explain to her that he didn't mean it. It took the most effort he had ever expended on any one task just to hold his head up as she stormed away. He waited until she was out of the door, most likely until the fearsome foursome made their grand entrance.

Once she was gone his muscles fell. His head dropped forward to droop on the table. He had no more will or power to eat. It was over an hour before classes started and yet he felt he had been working all day. He hadn't slept and coupled with the trials and tribulations of yesterday, he just had a feeling. He psychically new that today would be the longest day of his life to date, and for many years ahead

His head was peeled from the table by a strong, fair hand and he was loath to admit it was his fault. He shouldn't have made the sick and twisted, halfcocked prediction. Someone was clearly trying to prove him right just seconds after the thought accord. The hand continued to pull 'til his feet were flat and his body was off of the bench. He didn't bother to see who it was dragging him away. It wouldn't matter. He didn't care enough to do anything to stop whoever it was whatever they decided to do. If they tried to Kill him he would probably help. Anything to not have to face his redheaded former best friend. He had been beaten down by many, including her, but he had a hard time being cruel to those who showed him kindness. Kindness was so scarce in his world it even applied long after the kindness had fermented. His Lily was just a memory. The real girl made him sad the same way remembering his mom did. It was like a sick joke played by fate, to remind him of what had been by torturing him with what was.

The hand, or the hand's owner, could clearly tell that he wasn't eliciting any response because the hand that was twined in the dark locks tightened, pulling at the hair. Severus refused to make a noise so once the pair was out into the fresh morning air the hand released its hold because tearing up Snape's scalp would do nothing and it wasn't bringing him the pleasure he had hoped for. It actually riled him with guilt in a way he hadn't been forced to feel in a long time.

Severus, had he cared what happened to him on this fair morning, would have whipped around, wand drawn, and cast a strong stunning spell. Instead he just continued to walk out towards a nearby tree. He hoped to goad the potential attacker into causing him harm. He felt he deserved harm. And harm would be a good excuse to wait much longer to pull the trigger on a friendship doomed to fail anyway.

He slumped down against the tree stump. He meant to taunt the perpetrator into killing him. That would be a nice reason to not be a death eater anymore. He wouldn't have to hurt Lily. He wouldn't have to watch Potter hold lily in his arms. wouldn't have to watch Lily ignore him anymore.

He wouldn't have to be a burden to Remus anymore. He didn't know when tat had become a reason, or where that thought came from, but it was real. He could tell the Remus dealt with lots of shit. He had to with the people he hung around with. He had to as a teenage werewolf. He had to as a brainiac in a house filled with lazy people he called friends. And yet this overtaxed peer had spent, what Severus assumed was, a very large portion of his twenty-four hours a day worried about a certain greasy dungeon bat. He didn't deserve that kind of care. He, thus, wouldn't mind the assailant's attack. It was for the best.

Lucius Malfoy stared at him. His eyes tried to bore through Snape's skull and see the thoughts inside head covered in silky hair. "Hello Severus." Lucius moved over to the tree trunk. They both gazed out at the rising sun, neither glancing at the other. "I've been meaning to talk to you. So glad we just ran into each other out here."

Lucius slid down, right next to Severus, shoulders touching. This would be the longest day in the history of wizards. "I'm glad that one like yourself would choose to talk with me." Severus was trying to be snide, everyone in Slytherin knew Malfoy's penchant for both women and men. Unfortunately Malfoy was pretty caught up on Snape and his less than main stream desires.

"Oh Severus," Malfoy chuckled out in an overtly threatening way. "I was meaning to talk to you about a certain little Gryffindor." Malfoy wrapped an arm around the brunette's shoulders because at the mention of Gryffindor Snape had tried to run. "Not that delectable ginger you used to be so close with. I've moved on to bigger and blonder things." Severus tried to break free. He had had this conversation about Lily. He wouldn't help Malfoy bed anyone. Not Lily and definitely not Remus.

"I don't know what you mean." Severus tried to wriggle from his grasp. He only succeeded in getting further ensnared. Malfoy leant in really close to Severus, breath on his pale neck. He inhaled deeply.

"You smell lovely. Do keep squirming. It feels lovely right there." Lucius pulled Snape back even farther and Severus could feel Lucius' erection. "If you keep that up, you pretty dark haired minx, I might not need your friend after all."

Severus was disgusted. "I have no clue who you mean, Malfoy." Severus fought his body's instinct to struggle. He wouldn't give Malfoy the pleasure, quite literally.

"You've stopped struggling," the arms tightened, "I don't know if that's a good thing or not." He ground his lower body against Severus. "I would like to know what's going on with that little bookworm. I've had my eye on him for a while and you wont be running off with him. If you want to play with him, you'll have to share on my terms because we both know that I, as a Malfoy, will not let you win him. Your cute to think you stop it though." Lucius bit the long, exposed neck before him.

:I don't understand what you mean by that Lucius. Who do you mean?" Severus knew who it was and knew it would be better for both of them if he played dumb on this one. It might save both their skins.

"I want to pound your potions partner. I want to fuck your new found friend." Lucius leant right up by the pale ear. "I want to slam him down to the ground and have my way with him. I will have Remus Lupin." Lucius pulled the earlobe into his mouth.

Severus couldn't fight his body's urging. He squirmed and felt the cock at his back swell even more. "I'd like to have you too, my little sweet. You and him would make such a pair." At this Severus' breath caught because he had already thought of that one. "Do you want him too? That makes this so much more hot." Lucius moaned and then pushed Severus away.

The blonde stood and offered a hand to Severus, who denied. "I'll see you later, love." He sneered the last word, making the endearment a threat. The blonde walked of slowly, proud despite the fact that he had gained nothing. He took pride in intimidation of any kind and cared little for why he did any of it.

Severus just leaned back. He would tell Remus today. Warn him of the dangers that were after him. He would try his best to protect the sandy blonde, the one person to show him kindness for nothing in a really long time.

The sun continued to rise and with it the noise from the castle rose, as slowly other students woke and left their dorms. Severus didn't care. Who did he have to see? Nobody that's who. His day would continue in this manner until he finally slept and maybe then at least this day of hell would end.

The warmth of the sun relieved some of his tension, earned from his encounter with Malfoy. Nothing did anything for his foreboding and he decided he needed to do something. His work for the day was done, but he could go to the library anyway. He could research his assignment from Voldemort. The Dark Lord was being lenient on his favorite follower but it would only last so long.

The steps were slow, too ambivalent on the day to through himself into continuing it. He liked the library. There was a sort of safety there. He just hoped it would protect him from others, and himself, just long enough to make it to his first class. That's all he asked.

The book he had went into great detail on some aspects of the brewing, but he wanted more general knowledge, because he knew the ingredient list was wrong, and he needed to know enough to fix it. He went to a familiar section, right by the restricted section. He didn't hop the barrier this time, didn't have to. The books he needed just sat there. He took two, he had almost an hour to kill and plenty to learn.

He made his way to the table in the back, by a window that looked out onto the garden. It was also closed in on three sides and he could sooth both his craving for a view and the instincts for safety and escape plans.

The books were riveting and he kept his head buried for an uncountable time, at least he couldn't tell how long. He felt a chair shift across from him and jumped. He didn't need another visitor. He'd had two already, both unwelcome for different reasons. He saw a shaggy blonde mop covering a bright, alert face. He saw amber eyes. Those eyes, so intense, bore into his own. He had to fight to stay here, to stay now. The past was welcoming. A picnic blanket just yesterday. The improbable future, a body writhing against his own, gasping his name, pulled at his mind with more fervor. It only abated with the rationalization that he was more likely to get that body against him if he acknowledged the mind within it.

"How nice to see you, Remus. No, I don't mind if you have a seat. No I wasn't busy." He had meant to say something closer to stay safe. He yearned to tell the boy across from him that if anything happened to him he would die. He wanted to tell the Gryffindor to never leave his side.

"I'm glad, Severus. Looks like you didn't sleep much. Want to talk about it?" Remus meant it. His eyes couldn't leave the dark, purplish circles beneath the other set of eyes. He wanted to run a hand through his hair and tell him not to worry. It would be ok. Remus would see to that. He always did. But Remus didn't want to offend Severus. He could care for himself.

"I don't need to talk to you." Severus didn't mean to be so harsh, but today sucked. It had seemed, to his already agitated brain, that Remus felt he needed to talk about feelings or fall into madness. He was already mad. Nothing to be done about that. He felt like laughing, just to see what would happen. He never laughed and now would be an interesting time to start.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just want you to know that I will be here for you if you need me," Remus looked at Severus with love, a feeling rarely shared with the Slytherin outcast.

"I don't need you. I'm not some fucking charity case. I'm not going to run up to you and make you sit there while I tell you all of my troubles. I will never be the type to need someone to coddle me." Severus wasn't sure who he was talking to near the end. It could have been Remus, but he felt the need to convince himself.

"I know you don't need me." Remus stood up and Severus feared he was leaving. He didn't want to be babied but he didn't want to be left alone. Severus was just about to say something when Remus turned and made it clear he was just walking around the table. "I know you don't need to be coddled. I don't see you as a charity case." Remus tried to read Severus' eyes. Seeing how he was being received. If his speech mattered. Remus sat in the chair next to Severus, right on the very edge so that he could reach out and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I just want to be your friend."

Severus felt himself crumble. He hadn't realized it until now but he had been counting on the Gryffindor to want more, to want what he wanted. A friend was nice but he had so wanted more. "I," Severus went to start, but didn't get very far. He had nothing to say and he looked away. He knew well that he was to pale to hide a blush and he didn't need one of his few supporters to see him in this state. He turned to lookout the window, feeling vulnerable despite his confidence that Remus had his back.

"Severus," Remus said, quite, almost a whisper. Remus tried to think of what could have made the raven haired boy before him withdraw so completely. What had he said to trigger it? The last thing he had said had been 'I just want to be your friend.' That would have stung Remus if Severus had said it. But it would only sting if Severus wanted more than a friend. Did he? "Sev, look at me, please?" He needed to see those dark eyes. That had to be the missing piece of the puzzle. If he didn't find the answer in those eyes the answer wasn't worth finding.

Severus turned. He hoped the heat had left his cheeks. He couldn't tell. He was too numb to have much hope of it. "What, Remus?" His voice was brusque, trying to hid the pain behind rudeness. It had worked before. Remus and Severus' eyes locked for an indefinable amount of time. It wasn't like time stood still, it was racing and frozen at the same time.

Remus saw the answer to the universe in those eyes. Dark and lonely, yet lit with a hidden fire that drove Remus mad. He wanted to always see the light in the pair of dark eyes. He wanted to erase the loneliness, replace it with a family, if the family would take him. "You're almost beautiful." Remus was leaning in slowly, and thought Severus wanted this more than he could explain, he couldn't move. "But when you smile," Remus touched his lips delicately to a smooth cheek, were the fading blush was back with a vengeance. "When you smile you are beautiful. Like magic." And Remus' lips brushed over the paler lips. He hoped he had read Severus right. If not this stillness was the calm before the spy killed him.

He pulled back, opening his eyes, not remembering having closed them. He held his breath as he searched Severus' face for any sign of response. The dark eyes were closed, the face far away, unreadable. "I'm so sorry, Severus. I'll do whatever I can to make it up to you I just couldn't help myself."

Severus' eyes opened, still heavily lidded. He gazed at Remus coolly, using every single second he had ever pretended anything while a spy to keep his expression from turning adoring or his speech mushy. "If you're so sorry, then I should decide what you do to make it, right?" A falsely light voice asked. A delicate eyebrow shot up to Remus' hairline, yet he nodded just the same. "Then make up for stopping by getting back over here." Severus, instead of waiting for Remus to process and then lean back in, grabbed the hair at the back of Remus' neck and pulled the lips down to his own. He ran a less than skilled tongue along Remus' bottom lip, trying to taste as much of this delightful being as he could. It was like chocolate. The boy had just eaten breakfast yet all he could taste was chocolate.

Remus opened his mouth, admitting Severus' tongue into his mouth, relishing the feeling when the two tongues met. It was like electricity.

Severus was lost in a world where all that existed was this mouth. He could spend a life time kissing Remus and not notice a second go by. Severus had never been a big fan of chocolate, but he found he could learn to love it. He could taste chocolate till the day he died.

Come on and review. Its not so bloody hard. I wrote all night and I'm leaving in the morning and you guys can review, and although I'll still love you if you dont review, I wont liek you to terribly much.


	18. Chapter 18

Hey. Here is a chapter. Im back! Read and enjoy.

Chapter Eighteen

Neither of them ever wanted to pull apart. Remus wasn't as innocent as he seemed, he wanted more. He was pulling on Severus' long hair and moaning softly and sensuously. He had left his body, washed away by the surprising outcome and the unbearable pleasure. This had always been his table, and now in those very chairs he was kissing a Slytherin.

Severus was in heaven. He had kissed before. He had been dominated before. But this was equal. Their tongues fight for dominance was sweet. It was a real fight. He wasn't being forced. The hand on his thigh was welcomed, appreciated. He placed one of his hands on Remus' knee and drew little patterns.

Eventually they had to surface for air. With slightly heavy breath Remus looked to garden outside. Kids were beginning to walk to class. "We better go. If we're late it'll be less time later. Especially because we have McGonagall first and she loves to give out detentions." Severus nodded like he agreed but once Remus went to stand he grabbed one of the werewolves wrists and pulled hi down onto his lap.

"We have to make plans. What about lunch? It was great yesterday. So intimate. And alone." Severus pressed a soft kiss to the back of Remus' neck, eliciting a glorious shudder. Remus went to stand again, not because he disliked the seat, but because he was so used to playing the adult that he couldn't stop. When Severus tried to hold him down he embraced his inner Moony and pulled Severus up with him.

"I have been instructed that you have to meet the family. They will like you well enough, as long as we don't try to hide us. They, mostly Sirius, would be extremely upset by that." Remus hugged Severus, trying to break the news easy. "We should have lunch with them."

Severus tried to shake his head no but Remus placed his lips delicately over the thin, formerly protesting mouth. Remus held firmly to one of Severus' hands and began to drag him out while he was still focused on the melding of lips. When Remus pulled away to pass the librarian Severus remembered what he was upset about. "They will kill me. They have tried before. Don't make me." Severus walked compliantly behind but his voice hinted that this would be an interesting agreement, if one was to be made.

"Sev, if we eat with them for lunch, the we will have all of the afternoon free time to spend just us. We can relax by the lake before dinner, and I have a house elf friend who will bring us whatever food we want. We can sit until after curfew and just talk. Or find something else to do. I cant think of what."

They were just outside the classroom by now. "I see your point but why can't we just not have a family meal. Your family is going to try to kill me. Not just a little injury. Black has been planning my murder since first year."

Remus looked into those black eyes, so deep and brooding. "That makes loads of sense considering Sirius is the one who wanted to get to know you better. He just worries about me." Remus rubbed a small circle on the back of Severus' hand. "I'll make it up to you. Dinner and dessert," accompanied by a wink, "will be the best you've ever had." Remus squeezed his hand and then walked into the classroom, pretty sure he had Severus convinced. Severus stood for a moment, looking into the classroom, and he wondered if he was insane.

When he entered Remus already sat next to Black, and there was an empty seat open next to him. Peter had been kindly asked to go sit next to James, which he responded to with the same lack of enthusiasm he had given everything recently. Severus contemplated his sanity again when he went to sit next to Remus, at the same table as Black.

"Hello Snape," Black tried to sound light and upbeat but only managed to sound forced. It was clearly an attempt though, and Remus was touched. "Remus was just saying that we are having a family lunch. I look forward to getting to know you and hope we can move past my unfriendliness from the past." Sirius looked to Remus, asking if that was good enough. He wanted to keep Remus happy in everything that happened.

Remus smiled to Sirius and then looked expectantly to Severus. Severus felt incredibly put on the spot. He had to try though. "I would be more than willing to move on. I hope we can become at least acquaintances for Remus' sake. It would be hard on him if we couldn't get along, and no differences we have are worth that." Severus felt like patting himself on the back. He hadn't said anything mean. He had sounded civil and made it clear that this was all about Remus.

Remus threw his arms both of them. "I'm so glad that you two are trying. It means the world to me." Just then McGonagall entered the classroom and the class began. It was filled with knowledge, both on Transfiguration and about the three unlikely sharers of the table. Severus learned more about the Black family, and decided that Black, Sirius, could be excused some of his faults. Sirius learned that Severus' dad was a horrible person, that his mom had died, and that the Slytherins were cruel when dealing with him. Sirius realized that Severus really needed all the help Remus had been putting in and more.

Remus and Severus realized that because they sat in the back they could rest a hand uncouthly high on the others leg and not be noticed. They could stare into each other's eyes and not be called on it because they were the best students in the class. It was a good thing they weren't called out for it, or punished because of it, for they found that the gaze of the other was irresistible and could only be ignored for so long before it had to be returned. They didn't know what the consequences would be, but madness seemed a distinct possibility.

Sirius didn't mind the touching or glances. Well, he was disgusted by it. Not the fact that they were both males. He had no problem about that. But his best friend and his long time worst enemy being lovey-dovey right next to was a little much. He would have said something but Remus was happy. He wasn't often happy. Not the really happy, were the smile reaches to his eyes. Sirius had missed the crinkly look that a smiling Remus was distinguished by. And if the enemy made Remus smile like he didn't feel that intense pain every month, than the enemy would be welcomed to family meals. Happy Remus means happy Sirius. Happy Sirius means happy everybody else.

Sirius hugged Remus at the end of the class period. He had a study and Remus had an advanced Herbology with the Hufflepuffs. Severus was told to met them under the invisible bubble. As Remus walked away Sirius had slung an arm over Severus' shoulders. "I'll get you from Divination. That's what you have, right?" Severus nodded and slipped out from under Sirius' large, muscular arm. It was meant to be friendly but to Severus it had come across as threatening.

Divination was slow. The scented smoke that wafted in the air made him light-headed, and the fact that everything being said was ninety percent guess work made it really hard to stay awake. He only managed by remembering that Sirius Black, his long time tormentor, was going to 'get him' from Divination. No one else knew where he would be. Sirius could kill him and even Remus wouldn't be able to figure it out.

When the class was over he was the only one unexcited to get to leave the classroom. Severus thought he had made it away with an escort when he made it to Sir Cadogan's picture without Sirius. He should have known better because as soon as he began to walk normally he felt an unwelcome and unfortunately familiar arm over his shoulder and smelled the distinctive dog like, woodsy odor that, curse his big nose, Severus had already come to associate with Sirius.

"We need to talk about Remus." This time it was overtly threatening. Meant to scare him a little, if not away. "We have much to discuss." And with that Severus was half lead half dragged down an empty, unused corridor, possibly to his death.

Kind of a cliffhanger. I wrote. Review. Don't. Don't care. I have stuff and might not update tomorrow but probably soon. Love you guys.


	19. Chapter 19

Hey! I wrote. Sorry it took so long but I haven't felt so great and I just had to do school work first. Otherwise I'll start with a failing grade. That's no good. Read and enjoy

Chapter Nineteen

The arm on his shoulder felt like a yoke. It felt trapping. He knew he couldn't run if he wanted to. The dark corridor seemed the perfect place to dump his body. Black would hide Black's crimes. The body not found until Black was gone. Severus began to shake, just a little. He wasn't scared of death in front of the Dark Lord, but Remus' friend could convince Remus to leave him. He didn't think he could accept that.

Sirius felt the other boy begin to quake and he spun him around. "I wont hurt you." Sirius stepped away and held up his hands in a sign of peace and good will. Sirius checked the black eyes that still revolted him slightly. The fear seemed to have dissipated, though it lingered in the deep recesses. It made Sirius proud that he could scare Snape with his kindness. A smile quirked the edges of his lips and he turned and continued to walk.

Severus assumed he was meant to follow. If not this would be awkward. He tried to calm down. They were at school. Remus wouldn't be happy if Black killed him, thus Black wouldn't kill him. It made sense.

Sirius sat in the alcove, pulling his legs up and leaning against the wall. He was glad to see that the bat had followed him. The dark shouldn't scare him. Sirius scolded himself. He had to stop that hate, even just in his head. Remus wanted this to work. It would take patience from Sirius, but it would work.

"Snape," Sirius said, patting the seat in front of him. There was room and he might as well be comfortable. This wasn't an interrogation. It was just a chat. He used those exact words when explaining it to Snape, along with a suggestion to not tell Remus where their chat was held. "You make Remus happy. Anyone with eyes can see that. I want to trust you, just because you make him happy, but I don't." Sirius looked at Severus as warmly as he could, trying to ease the tension after those last words. "Remus told me that you had earned it. I don't know what that means, and if its what I think it is I don't want to. That should be enough." Sirius looked away. "It would be enough if Remus and I were just friends. But we aren't." Sirius paused. He didn't know how to say what he wanted to put next.

Severus stopped breathing. If they were more than friends he held no chances. They had history and clearly were close. They shared everything. Sirius was better looking, if definitely not smarter. Severus was nothing in comparison. Why had Sirius really brought him here? To kill the competition?

Sirius continued, finding the words. He was going to go from his heart. "We are like brothers. He watches out for me. I know it. I know him well enough to know that I will never know all he has done for me." Sirius' voice trembled and he coughed to try to cover it up. Severus started breathing again, hoping he had just misunderstood. Hoping for no more shocks like that. "He has been better for me than my own family. I don't often get to help him back, he is so pulled together almost all of the time. This is my chance to look out for him. Play big brother for once, instead of the defended."

Sirius shifted so that his legs were crossed. Severus didn't miss that this limited his space, encroaching slowly but surely. He tried to pretend it was unwitting, even though he knew that Black played these mind games. It was like a cat playing with a mouse.

"I see that look. Snape, I'm sorry. For all that I have done. Your house is low to begin with in my eyes. You didn't deserve the hatred though.' Sirius moved his legs closer to his body, trying to respect his space. "You haven't earned my trust, and with Remus its going to take a lot for me to trust you. But it will be easier on Remus if I, we, act as if we accept each other, if not trust or even like." Sirius tried to collect his thoughts again. His thoughts never cooperated though and this was no different than usual. "Most protective older brothers would tell you to be respectful. Or threaten your package if you touch him. But Remus could chew you up and spit you out. So don't worry about that, but be kind to him. He is so lonely sometimes. Don't mention his parents. Not worth it."

Severus perked up at the comment about Remus chewing him up. Did Remus really get around? He figured that would not go over well right now. He was still alone, far away from the general population.

"I would also avoid mentioning the fact that he could chew you up. He get self-conscious about his past." Sirius heard whoosh of sound, like a deep breath, or a squandered chuckle. This got Sirius angry, even with no evidence of anything. "Am I boring you? Or do you find this funny?" Sirius stood from the bench and grabbed the Slytherin across from him, hauling him to his feet. "I know you've thought it, but let me say it." Sirius pulled Snape farther into the darkness, further from the remembrance of light. "I could kill you. I want you to be straight with me, on penalty of death,, or worse." Severus tried to focus on the Dark Lord. He was succeeding until the whisper of, "I grew up a Black, with the Black's knack for forbidden games. I wouldn't risk it." Severus decided he wouldn't either.

"What do you want to know?" Severus wanted to sound confident but only made it to quivering and small.

"I have three main ones," Black said. Then he mumbled words. It sounded like gibberish to Snape but he tensed anyway when he felt the flow of magic through the air. "I wouldn't lie if I were you." Sirius cleared his throat. "Do you care for Remus?" There was a nod. Severus was reluctant to answer out loud, just in case. "You can be punished for omission. The spell wouldn't know."

"Yes I care for Remus, deeply. I'm not sure how much but its enough that I'm standing here talking to you." Sirius seemed satisfied with that answer.

"Will you talk of anything Remus tells you, or does for you, with others?" Sirius didn't want to mention being a werewolf, incase he didn't know, so he made it seem as if it were about sex, but the spell would pick up both.

"No. Everything Remus does or says will be held in the greatest of confidences." Severus couldn't believe he was being so forthcoming.

"Will you lie to Remus, unless it is for his direct safety?" Sirius wanted to know that Remus could trust him. Who cared if he messed with anyone else. That was someone else's problem.

"No. Remus will here the truth, the minute I know it, as long as it isn't in his best interest to be kept in the dark." There was a whir of magic and a ding. "What the hell kind of spell was that?" Severus was so confused.

"I mumbled random words and threw a timer spell in so you would get that rush of magic. Just wanted you to tell the truth. You did good kid." Sirius put his arm back over the unwelcoming shoulders and started for lunch.

"That was underhanded, but that was well played Black." Severus figured he was smart enough to be tolerated, and Sirius liked anyone who complimented him on an idea.

The trip to lunch was nearly silent. It was a little awkward for Severus because no matter how hard he wriggled he couldn't win free. Once on the lawn it turned yet more odd because Severus stopped squirming, lost in thought. If Black had used one spell, he could've added any spells. He had the wit and the intent. Severus would just have to trust in Remus' judgment.

"Hey guys," was the collective greeting when they breached the perimeter. Severus went quickly to sit by Remus, scared and slightly awed by this new look at the marauders. He was a foot away, but the next thing he knew Remus' leg was laying right next to his. Severus lay a hand on the closest thigh, loving the feel of the muscles beneath his fingertips, itching for more contact, for more skin.

Remus leaned in a pressed insistent lips to Severus' shocked pair. He hadn't expected to kiss in front of everyone here, but the warmth, and the softness that was offered was too much after the hallway and soon it was just them in a world of their own.

They didn't here the counting down, but at the same time Sirius and James sprayed them with water to cool them off. "Just being helpful,' James said from right next to Remus. "You guys looked too hot.'

Sirius mock gagged. "I just wanted to be able to eat. Its rude to do that when someone was," he emphasized the word, "hungry." Sirius stuck his tongue out. Remus through a roll at him, which was caught and soon eaten.

"Wonderful as always, Rem. Tell our homey elf that this is spectacular." James was trying to sound cool, but when even Severus couldn't fight the laughter, he decided to stop.

"Lily likes books, James. You just look stupid when you try to be cool." Remus tried to fight the laughter, at least while he said the words. James turned bright red and went to storm off when Sirius pulled his foot, causing the whole being to tumble to the ground.

"Potter, she likes Dickens. Buy her a first edition." Severus hadn't consciously thought the words, but they slipped out confidently, as if he had. All the movement in the tent stopped. Everyone was frozen, waiting for a response for the prone James.

"Thanks. I'll try that. I've tried everything else." The motion returned, but the quiet remained. It wasn't uncomfortable, just peaceful.

"Where the fuck is Peter?" Sirius whined, breaking the tranquility that had been established. "He missed Remus' big lunch with his new boy toy.' Sirius grabbed a cream puff and stormed off, subtly, and yet loudly, trying to give the couple privacy in his own special way.

"I'll just be off then," said James, though the other two didn't hear him because they were too intent on each other. They each had a hand on the other's face and instead of kissing, were just staring. James ran as fast as he could. This relationship was moving fast. He didn't want to be there for their next milestone.


	20. Chapter 20

Ha. Trying to make up for that grand interlude at the biggest cliffhanger yet with two quick updates in a row. No idea what I'm doing to them next so no idea when I'll update agian, so enjoy.

Chapter 20

"You know," Remus said, "You're really pretty in this light." He was lying next to Severus and just staring. He couldn't keep his eyes off of the Slytherin.

"Thanks, I think." Severus laughed. It was always a shock when he laughed, even more so now, with the reverberations echoing through both of their bodies. Remus moved closer, loving being one of the few to receive this warmth from such a cool person.

Remus' hands longed for contact. With his eyes still locked on Severus' black orbs he slowly moved one hand to twine in the black hair. It wasn't greasy but soft, velvety. He couldn't imagine a reason good enough to let go of that hair. And then Severus decided he wanted to see more of Remus. The gentle tugging at the hem of his shirt was a good enough reason to release, but only for a while. Once the shirt was over his head his hands were back in the luxurious hair and his lips were practically welded to a vein in that pale neck. He nipped and licked, soothing the skin he himself had angered. Severus threw his head back in a moan, exposing more of the pristine neck to Remus' exploration. A had snaked its way down to one of Remus' nipples and pinched, causing a very effeminate yelp that would have embarrassed the teenage werewolf if he had had enough blood in his brain to think or feel much of anything that wasn't pressed against him, or under his lips.

"Oh, Remus." Severus was writhing, trying to get more contact. Remus decided that the shirt had to go, now. He pulled, gently but firmly, at the supple locks and as he had hoped for Severus sat up. The shirt was easily removed, but once it was Remus was shocked by the feral grin he was greeted with. Severus had never seen Remus shirtless, and it was a sight. He was well built, lanky but the musculature was clearly there. The skin was golden, and the gold on the Gryffindor scarves paled in comparison. What truly unsettled Severus was the reaction of Remus, as though he was particularly underwhelming. He understood, but it still hurt. He had just wanted to be wanted.

Severus sat back on his heels, waiting to be mocked, waiting for the others to come back laughing. He couldn't even look up. The grass was suddenly fascinating and ha couldn't be considered pale right now; he was the crimson to match the glorious gold of Remus.

"What?" Remus was so confused. He moved over to hold Severus but Severus flinched back, waiting for the punch line. "I," Remus paused, "I thought you would be able to look past it." Now Severus was confused and though he was worried he so desperately wanted to believe in that caring tone of voice.

"Look past what?" Severus was hesitant, but he was curios to a fault and could help but ask. He felt his body lean into the touch against his will. His body was revolting, fighting the order to avoid the warmth that the hug provided.

"My scars. You know the story," Remus let his arms fall from Severus and even with the injunction on reacting his throat let lose a moan at the loss of contact. "I just, wrongly, thought that you could see beyond the horrid scars to me. I guess it was just false hope." Remus slid back, away from the boy before him. He felt like he had offended a hippogriff, and the hippogriff had clearly one. He had never felt this defeated, even the day after the full moon when all he could was breath. He felt like he couldn't even do that, past the prodigious lump in his throat. He wished he could run away, escape this humiliation and pain but he couldn't make his eyes open, he didn't want to even attempt standing. He felt hot tears slid down his cheeks, his eyes burned and he knew if he had the strength to lick his lips they would taste of the salt and of the pain.

Severus didn't know what to do. He so wanted to comfort Remus. He so wanted to love Remus. But would he get hurt. He always had in the past. This wasn't right though, letting this poor thing cry, thinking he found him unattractive. Severus slid next to Remus slowly, and wrapped arms around him, pulling his whole body not only close but right into his lap. "Hush now. I didn't notice your scars. All I saw was you. All I want is you. It will be all right. I was speechless, you were to gorgeous for words. I would have jumped you, but the look in your eyes, the set of your mouth. I, self-centered creature that I am, thought you didn't want me. Thought that now, remembering who I am, seeing me clearly, you had come to your senses." Severus pressed his lips to the beautiful hair on the top of his werewolf's head. "I will always want you. I will leave if you say so, or if I must," Severus prayed Voldemort wouldn't make that necessary, "but I will always want you by my side. Always miss you." Remus turned in his lap, and even with the mood of sadness and despair, Seveurus' cock still paid attention to the movement and a slight groan graced that pretty blonde hair.

Remus felt and heard the reaction to his movement and he was pleased to feel like he was wanted. Severus needed to feel that too. "I meant what I said, Sev. I think your pretty. Really pretty in this light. And oh so beautiful when you smile." Remus tilted his head so that his mouth was back on Severus' neck. The desperation and the hurry had left the action but the fervor remained and had been joined by a deeper passion. "You know Sev," Remus said, during a breath once he could finally tear his lips from that divine expanse of "We are a messed up pair aren't we? So worried we won't be liked even when those who love," Remus paused, unsure whether Severus would dislike the use of the word love.

"Love. What a word, huh Remus?" Severus kissed hi forehead, loving but slightly aloof. "We got screwed in that one now didn't we. But we can fix that. I," Severus grabbed Remus by the wrist and pulled it up between them, "will do my best to heal the wounds that love left you with." He kissed the scar that was the only lasting gift from Remus' parents. Severus kissed the other wrists and then kissed the tear soaked cheeks. It was too much for Remus to handle, love and understanding and the fact that he had made Severus feel bad because he felt bad.

"I don't want love, not yet anyway. But healing what love left us with. That's a goal I can support. And, do remember Severus, that I," Remus kissed the tip of his nose, "think," kissed his forehead, "you are," both eyes, "so lovely." That last part was mumbled into his mouth. Their lips moved together sensually, not a battle for dominance. This wasn't about winning or losing, it was about being together win or lose. They both felt it, with their lunch drawing to a close, that with a successful family meal out of the way and this discussion behind them something big had shifted, and they waited with baited breath to see the outcome.

A/n Much love to everybody. I'll write at my next convienience. Stupid school always getting in the way.


	21. Chapter 21

Hey. Sorry it has taken so long. Life has sucked and I have missed writting so much. I have missed you. Hope this makes up for the wait.

Chapter Twenty One

The end of the day had passed so slowly. The memories of lunch haunted behind Severus' eyelids and the thought that he wouldn't be able so see Remus before the meeting that night had him nearly heart broken. He met with Remus right after his last class and gave him a piece of parchment. "I'll write as soon as I get back here. It will show up on your paper. We can communicate."

Remus hugged Severus close. He was in danger. There was nothing either of them could do. "I'll be waiting up for you. Meet me when you get back. Write me and I'll come to your common room. We can sneak away." Remus was standing with his hands on the Slytherin's slim hips. He could feel the nearly accusing looks from the few first years walking bye. Severus flushed a deep red at the idea of sneaking away late at night. They had been close at lunch. Tonight could be interesting.

"Don't want up, Remus. There is no need to worry. You need to sleep. Its almost your time of the month," Severus said jokingly, trying to hide his concern. The poor thing would be so warn out by the full moon that he would just drop dead of exhaustion.

Remus moved closer, hands grabbing tighter, pulling their hips together. Remus' mouth was in Severus' hair, whispering in his ear. "I can't sleep. I can hardly stand here, knowing you will have to leave. What would you have me do?" Remus nibbled on the succulent earlobe that was conveniently in his reach. "I care deeply for you. I worry about you using knives in potions. What ever would I do if you were to slip?" Remus ground his hips against Severus, laughing softly at the nearly simultaneous gasp and moan coming from those thin, pale lips. "How would you react?" Another grinding motion, rubbing two budding erections together, once more reveling in the other's reactions. "If I were in danger, would you sleep soundly. Or would you be up," Remus laved softly at the long, lean neck exposed to him. "I'm unable to settle down already and I can still feel you." Remus moved one hand from the slender hips and placed it delicately over Severus' clothed erection.

"Stop, Remus." Severus spluttered. The hand was fondling but not giving enough friction to be satisfying, just distracting. " I," Severus panted, "see your point. Stay up and I will write as soon as I return. Don't worry. I will be back before you know it." Severus kissed Remus on the lips and the slipped away to go find a bathroom. He had a not so little problem to take care of. Remus would have followed but he figured Severus must need to get into the zone before the meeting. Remus was already so worried he could barely stay standing and he could still see the retreating back.

The Great Hall was too cheering for Remus. He wanted to curl up in a ball with the parchment and wait for Severus' contact. He wanted to go cry. He wanted a bath. But he put on a brave face. He was a Gryffindor and would be remembered as such. He smiled and joked with Sirius and James even as his heart broke in two.

He laughed when Sirius joked about how Slytherins go down. He had meant taking them down in Quidditch, but when Remus blushed Sirius couldn't help the blow job joke, making the face for all to see. Many were staring actually. The lovely, dark Gryffindor Adonis known as Sirius Black making sex faces to the poor, heart wrenchingly lost sandy haired Remus Lupin. The fantasies and rumors were flying before the pair had stopped laughing.

The laughter never reached his eyes though. The light wouldn't truly return until Severus was back and safely in his arms. He felt one tear slid down his check as he thought that the Slytherin might not come back. That he might never get to talk to the not so greasy git again. He covered it by pretending he was choking. Sirius caught on and nonchalantly suggested that they all go up to the common room. Sirius was on the mood. They saw a few raised Hufflepuff eye brows. "For a game of chess you pervs," Sirius chided.

Once in the common room it was less stressful. Remus didn't have to maintain the plastered on smile. He wasn't morose, but without an audience the cheer diminished and Sirius and James really settled in for a game of chess. Peter went where ever it was that he went and Remus tried to read until nine, when he knew he could have a bath without any annoyances. The book was good, but he couldn't continue reading after the mention of the high death rate of all those around even the most civil of werewolves. All he could think of was Severus. What would that mean? The werewolf might hurt him, but the fact he worried more for Severus than hi dear friends of so long. Could it be deeper than a schoolyard fling? He doubted he was meant for much more than a lack luster relationship, and he had already had so much more with Severus. He was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

His eyes watered again and he went to go put the book down. He was going to the prefects bathroom early. HE would talk anyone in there into leaving. He had a way with people. Sirius called it charisma. James called it looks. Remus thought of it as pity.

The halls were surprisingly empty as he made his way to the tub. He tried not to think of the emptiness he felt. The prefects bath was occupied by a sixth year Ravenclaw. He asked really nicely and the girl decided to leave early. He was pretty sure it had a lot to do with the tears that still dribbled down his cheek on occasion.

He drew a hot bath with some bubbles, not worried about what it smelled like. He stripped and sank into the water. He had brought James' cloak just incase the bath took longer than expected, and the cloak sat on a bench along the wall with his clothes. The parchment that Severus would write him with was placed by the side of the tub. It didn't matter if it got wet because Remus caste a few charms on it. One would protect it from the water and the other would make the parchment beep softly, getting progressively louder, once a message was written, only stopping when Remus replied or mutter the counter incantation.

The water worked out the kinks from Remus' overstressed shoulders. He wasn't calm, not by a long stretch, but he was close enough to sit still in the water. He went under once to wet his hair, and then leaned against the side, hoping for a message even though Severus had only just left. His eyes slid closed, stayed closed longer than a blink. He shook himself a wake and shifted positions. His eyes closed for half a minute and he slid just a little bit down into the water. A minute and he could feel the water inside his ears. He shook himself again and shifted so that his head was resting solidly on the side. His eyes closed and didn't open for a while.

The beeping wasn't loud but it was annoying and persistent. It took just a second for Remus to remember where he was and what that noise meant. He flung himself at the parchment, cast the spell softly and read. It said:

R,

I'm back, love. As I said I would. I dreadfully hope you meant that you would wait up. I'm at my common room. Come down, and sneak me away.

S.

Remus jumped up, in such a hurry he forgot to respond until he was already half toweled off. He dove at the paper once again and wrote hurriedly:

I'm on my way.

He couldn't make himself put the clothes on. He tried. He really did. But Severus could have died. He had to show how he felt and what better way than a naked surprise? He left everything as it was except for slinging the cloak over his head. He locked the door and nearly ran all the way to Slytherin dungeons.

He hoped the feet he heard were Remus' because Severus really didn't want to be punished for breaking curfew tonight. By the sounds the person should be right in front of him but he couldn't see anyone. He felt hand, or something similar, brush his face and the felt a shimmer. He blinked and missed what had happened but when his eyes opened he seemed to be inside a shimmering cloak with a very naked Remus Lupin. "Invisibility cloak?" he asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"How else did we get away with half the shit that we did." Remus was shocked when he felt lips crash against his. He knew that Severus wanted him, but it was so forceful and passionate that he moaned just from the apparent emotion.

Remus was loathe to do it, but he broke the kiss. "I missed you. Lets go. Its cold as hell down here."

"Couldn't tell from looking at you," Severus accented this by squeezing Remus' semi-hard length. His hormones defied the cold, and logic for that matter. Severus released him though, and let Remus lead the way back to the prefect's bathroom. It was slower this time but neither minded. Severus continually stroked Remus' naked back, watching the strong muscles move as he walked, reveling in the look of those muscles moving under tan, scarred skin.

The door was flung open and was barely closed before the cloak was flung from them and their lips were locked again. Their tongues warred, not to win, but to release. They knew how each other felt. Trapped. So they fought to release both themselves and their partner.

Remus broke the kiss off. He began to kiss a line down Severus' throat. He sucked and nipped and kissed every inch of skin he could get to but the shirt was in his way. He undid one button at a time, kissing every centimeter of new skin exposed each time. Severus moaned and swore. Remus felt a distinct reaction in his loins, both loins.

Once the shirt was half unbuttoned Remus could see pink nipples and was soon side tracked, kissed one and tweaking the other, Severus arched his back into Remus' mouth. Remus bit, lightly but enough to be felt for sure. "Fuck!" was Severus' screamed response. That was when Remus remembered the door. He muttered a locking spell into the pale chest and felt the twinge of magic as the door was sealed.

Remus left off of the nipples, much to Severus' disappointment. Remus wanted to continue to kiss down those hard, light abs. He unbuttoned and then kissed and bit. Unbutton, kiss, bite. It was a delightful pattern and soon Severus had forgotten his ire at the loss of nipple stimulation. Remus ran out of buttons before he was done sucking. He had never gone this far before but with Severus alive and before him aching with need he gave into his instincts. He was already on his knees, quite a liberating position actually.

Severus was straining against the zip of the pants and Remus figured it was his job to help his lover out. The buttons and zipper were dispatched of, allowing the pants to be shimmied down his legs. The tips had already left a dark spot where the precum had stained. The boxers were surprisingly Gryffindor red. Rather bold for a death eater meeting. Severus' little form of rebellion.

Remus was over come for a moment and couldn't think. He wanted to taste, so he did. He flicked his tongue out to touch the tip through the boxers, pondering the flavor and smell. It wasn't bad, just distinct. It was definitely not terrible. He loved the hiss that each slight lick brought him. He wanted to up the ante. Without warning he sucked the head of the boxer clad prick into his mouth. He sucked lightly, as he would have with a lollipop. He felt hands curl into his hair and he moaned, causing a gasp. So moaning was helpful. Good to know.

He released the cock from his lips and laughed slightly at the less than pleased noise from Severus. Remus curled his thumbs into the boxers pulled them over the erection. He slid them all the way down before he looked, knowing he would once again be overcome. He was right. It was gorgeous. Pink and so unimaginable alive. "Your so beautiful," Remus breathed. "So beautiful." Severus groaned. He wished he could tell Remus how good he looked, but the sensation was too much. He could hardly stay standing.

Remus rolled his lips over his teeth so that they wouldn't touch and harm the beauty before him. He slip his mouth halfway down the shaft and sucked, feeling Severus buck slightly. He steady the Slytherin's hips with his hands, much like he had just before dinner. He did it again, sliding down and sucking his way up, using his tongue to stroke the vein on the underside of the firm member. He slid back up, sucking harder than before. He held the hips tightly.

He could definitely grow to love this taste. He rolled his tongue around the head a few times, loving the sighs and groans. The hands were still in his hair but they did nothing but fist it. They applied no pressure. He went down the shaft again, all the way this time. He found the feeling of the cock hitting the back of his throat distasteful but the stuttered words falling from Severus' lips made up for it. He sucked up slowly, hard.

The hands tried to control him now. They wanted it faster. He was happy to oblige. He began to bob his head fast, taking half of it at a time so that he could maintain the rhythm and not gag. He felt as much as heard a steady chant of curses. He could here Severus mutter, at first, and then scream that he was about to come. Severus tried to pull Remus off, but he just kept sucking. He took the shaft in all the way and sucked exuberantly. He felt Severus tense and felt his seed fill his mouth. Remus swallowed, gagging a little, but he did swallow it all.

Remus pulled Severus down gently to the floor. Severus was speechless and Remus decided to put that mouth to good use. He kissed him with all the passion he had, which was a lot after that. Severus was baffled by the taste of himself on Remus' tongue, mixed with the scent he had come to associate with the werewolf. Remus dragged Severus into the tub and sunk under the water, still not breaking the passionate kiss.


End file.
