Naruto 1. Drinking, White Day, Tanzaku Town

_Naruto © _Masashi Kishimoto.

_Author's notes: Finally, the sequel! First, though, a bit of information._

_The first few chapters overlap _A Portrait of Youth_ and, unlike last time, the entire story goes in chronological order. _

_Content maybe more mature, but shouldn't ever earn an M-rating. Despite this, I hope you laugh at least once a chapter._

_ Still no pairings, but you guys are welcome to pretend. _

_Without further ado…_

**The Fiery Album of Life**

The three young ninja are sitting on Gai's couch dressed in their finest− Neji and Lee at either end, Tenten in the center as is customary− and their clothes are conspiring against them; with each uncomfortable shift, silken bodies nearly slide off the plastic-encased piece of furniture. Tenten leans carefully into the back of the sofa, grimaces when she hears the covering creak in a manner that sounds almost like a fart. "First that awkward dinner, and now this… What do you think Gai-sensei is planning?"

Mouth falling open, Lee twists to stare at his female friend. He is absolutely flabberghasted that she would question their beloved teacher. And in the man's own home, no less. After a few erratic heartbeats, he manages to splutter, "Tenten! How can you say such a rude thing? It was just a delightful dinner in celebration of our new promotions! Gai-sensei would never have an ulterior motive!"

At the other end of the couch, Neji gives a little snort and continues staring out the window, appreciating the spectacular view of the Hokage Monument in twilight.

Feeling oddly supported by this miniscule gesture from her stoic teammate, Tenten straightens her spine and takes the largest breath possible with her _obi_ so tightly tied, holds up one hand and begins ticking off the reasons the night has so far proved to be a disaster. "First, he tells us he's taking us out, but we have to dress up. It's like a million degrees outside and I had to borrow this stupid, heavy kimono−"

"You look very pretty," Lee says politely, not at all fazed by her ongoing rant.

"Thanks," Tenten replies, the unexpected compliment robbing her of steam. She frowns and begins smoothing wrinkles from the beautiful fabric. Beside her, Neji crosses his arms over his chest and this newest distribution of weight causes the monstrous sofa to once again break wind. Annoyance returning at the sound, the girl goes back to her complaints. "He took us out for curry, and after that mission we had−"

Neji gives up on his attempt at remaining outside this sadly typical conversation, and interjects, "At least he paid the bill this time."

"Gai-sensei does not dine and dash!"

Their teacher chooses that exact moment to bustle into the living room, a lacquered tray with a porcelain flask, three tiny cups, and one child's drinking vessel− the kind with the lid that makes it nearly impossible to spill− clutched in his large hands. All three students blanch, but it appears the man has misheard. "Of course I dine and dance, Lee! If you youthful spirits would like, I'd be happy to show you my favorite move, the−"

"Is that saké?" Tenten asks, leaning forward to peer at the exquisite matching set Gai has placed on the low, dust-free table before them. She begins an unsolicited slide off the cushion, one that neither grasping palms nor _tabi_-encased feet seem able to arrest. Just before she resorts to chakra, Lee reaches out and grabs her _obi_ with his left hand, hefts her easily back into her place with his monstrous strength. They suffer another bout of couch gas.

Gai takes a seat in the plastic-covered armchair situated directly across from the three, and they note with envy that he neither slips while doing so nor causes any sort of embarrassing sound. "So it is, my darling Tenten! You three have just graduated to Chunin, a fantastic feat of which I am very proud, and your minority is at an end! I have some amazing activities planned for your next leave, but tonight we shall toast your success!"

"Lee can't drink," Neji reminds them, dismayed that the man would even suggest so dangerous an activity and wondering how much trouble he would be in if he were to just head back to the family's estate now; technically, they are no longer a team, and Gai is nothing more than a man who− temporarily− outranks him. Tradition is the only thing that renders him beholden to this insane threesome. Right?

"Lee gets this appetizing apple juice, freshly squeezed by yours truly," Gai says, handing his grinning protégé the unbreakable plastic glass with the wavy little straw sticking out of the side. Tenten and Neji are each handed a small ceramic cup, which they take with some trepidation, and then Gai quickly pours them a round of the warm liquid before filling his own vessel. Lifting it into the air, he cries, "To Chunin!"

Four cups are raised to lips, three dark heads tip back and swallow, Lee sucks greedily on his straw, and then everyone lowers empty glasses. Gai smiles, his teeth blinding as always, and Lee and Tenten echo the gesture. Outwardly, Neji is impassive as ever, but he detests the taste of the alcohol and is stunned his teacher kept the speech to a minimum. A moment later the cups are being refilled, and he knows fate is still against him.

"To the future!"

"To adulthood!"

"To health!"

"To friends!"

"To rivals!"

"To you, Gai-sensei!"

"Thank you, Lee! And to you, my precious students!"

Gai is obviously tipsy. Lee has somehow managed to loosen the lid of his cup, and apple juice is dripping onto the Chunin flak jacket he had insisted on wearing to dinner. Tenten's face is flushed and her eyes are bright, previous aggravations forgotten in the first buzz of her life. Neji had ceased to drink five toasts ago and settled for dutifully lifting his glass; even so, he can feel the hated curry and saké mixing unpleasantly in his stomach.

Gai reaches out for the ceramic flask, picks it up to pour yet another round− the toast is half-formed inside his mind, something about overcoming life's obstacles− but the glass proves empty. He stares at it for a moment, unable to comprehend how fast the alcohol has run out, much like his time as the instructor of the fine trio sitting before him. The thought saddens him and in a moment he is sobbing loudly enough to be overheard by his neighbors.

Lee misunderstands. "Never fear, Gai-sensei, we have more saké in the fridge!"

Tenten sobers infinitesimally. "What's wrong, Sensei?"

Neji merely arches an eyebrow, certain that the man's emotional display is evidence of the mental breakdown he had been expecting for the past four years.

"It's not the alcohol!" Gai explains in a wail, bringing one hand up to his tanned forehead like the primary actor in a great tragedy. A few more large tears squeeze from his eyes to roll over his prominent cheekbones. "I just… I can't believe that you're all grown up! Moving on! Now you'll be traveling even further from the village, undertaking murderous missions, and without my stellar guidance−"

"Oh, Gai-sensei!" Overcome by the sight of his idol's suffering, Lee leaps from the couch and in the same movement throws his plastic cup into the air; it bangs against the ceiling before beginning a descent that takes it perilously close to Neji's head, and by the time it clatters to the wooden floorboards and begins to spin the two Green Beasts are comforting one another with a signature hug.

Tenten's hands are clasped together, her tiny cup held securely between her warm palms, and she is observing the disturbing scene with a complacency that can only be attributed to the alcohol she has consumed. When she speaks her words are reasonable, tone uncharacteristically gentle considering the madness being played out before her. "Sensei, please don't cry. We'll still have missions together sometimes…"

"And Lee will always live with you," Neji adds in a monotone, trying to be helpful and hoping the evening is at an end.

Gai blinks and sniffles loudly, glancing over the clinging Lee's dark head to the less exuberant graduates who have remained seated on the sofa; their inability to display emotions in the proper manner has always bothered him somewhat. In a quavering voice reminiscent of a small child, he asks, "Do you promise? What if I were to give the three of you a final mission, right now? Would you do it?"

Lee disengages himself from Gai's clutches, leaps to his feet beside the armchair and salutes the man. "Yes, sir! Anything!"

Too drunk to be wary of making open-ended promises, Tenten nods. "Of course we'll complete a mission for you. Right, Neji?"

No answer. All three heads swivel in the direction of the prodigy, sitting motionless in his corner of the gigantic sofa. Neji appreciates neither their scrutiny nor the peer pressure roiling in unseen waves from them, but he is growing more concerned about vomiting. Or worse. A breath to settle himself followed by an autonomic tightening of his sphincter, and then, "We can go home after this final mission?"

Lee frowns. "That is not a very youthful attitude."

Tenten gives an airy wave of her hand. "Never mind him, Lee. What's the mission, Gai-sensei?"

Gai answers, "There's to be a different one for each of you, since you are each unique and precious to me! Lee, your undertaking is a simple one; pick up that leaking cup before it warps my teak floorboards! And as punishment for throwing it in the first place, you shall run five hundred laps around the village at dawn! You must learn to control yourself, even in the heat of the moment!"

Lee has the grace to look a bit sheepish, and he immediately takes off running for the kitchen and a towel, scooping up the dripping vessel on his way past. Gai waits until his protégé has mopped up the spilled liquid and returned to his seat beside the weapons mistress before announcing the next mission: "Dearest Tenten, your task is to kiss the handsomest man in the room!"

It is the last thing Tenten had ever been expecting to hear. The young woman chokes on air and peers through the resulting watering eyes at the three males surrounding her, gauging their reactions to this declaration of enforced intimacy; Neji looks uncomfortable, Lee appears astounded, and there is a small, almost expectant smile tugging at the corner of Gai's mouth. Quickly, she stands and gives her teacher a chaste peck on the cheek.

Gai laughs loudly, his previous good humor restored by the simple gesture, and reaches to take their cups. "Now, my flower, you've gone and made the other two jealous! Let this be a lesson in the evils of saké and a reminder to keep your more passionate impulses in check! Neji, your mission is to take Tenten home before she destroys whatever harmony remains in our little cell."

Neji is on his feet in a second, feeling something churn unpleasantly in his gut. He nods to Gai− the man sees more than people give him credit for, perhaps− and puts his hand over the complicated bow on Tenten's back, pushing the inebriated young woman toward the door; it is not the easiest task, with Lee standing in their way and her calling out strangely effusive goodbyes, but eventually they are outside on the stoop.

In the relative quiet of the night, Tenten turns to him and smiles. "That was fun! We should get some _dango_. Your treat?"

The mention of sweets is almost more than Neji can take. Discreetly, he presses a hand to his irritable belly and just manages to say, "No, it's time to go home."

The door swing opens behind them, and Lee steps out to stand with his friends on the crowded porch. He looks Neji over, noting that his rival is sweating and appears to be an unhealthy shade of green in the moonlight, before turning to the obliviously wasted Tenten. Confusion is written on his open features as he addresses her. "I'm not sure why, but Gai-sensei said I had better come help you…"

The oblivious _kunoichi_ frowns and asks what it is Lee means. At roughly the same time, Neji hunches over and quietly vomits his curry into the immaculately trimmed gardenia bush growing beside the stoop. Their question answered, Tenten wrinkles her nose and turns away while a sympathetic Lee grabs the long tresses of his mortified, coughing competitor and holds them free of the danger zone.

When Neji has finally, fully emptied the contents of his stomach onto his sensei's prized shrubbery, he straightens and wipes the back of one hand across his lips, disgusted by the taste inside his mouth and the loss of his pride. He tries to regain a bit of it by declining a trip back inside, but his legs feel a bit shaky, and his teammates must notice; Tenten and Lee move to support him, one sliding under each arm.

"Failed your mission," Tenten giggles as they start walking slowly down the deserted street. After a moment, she cheerily adds, "At least you didn't mess up those nice clothes."

"And you have us to carry you home," Lee says, grinning and holding a thumbs up.

Neji settles for a sigh, too weak to come up with a retort. What does this ignoble beginning say for his Chunin career?

* * *

Afternoon sunlight filters through the trees and finds Rock Lee heading for his team's old training grounds, a heart-shaped box of chocolates clutched in one bandage-wrapped hand. He keeps his dark eyes on loamy forest floor, utterly dejected, moving down the path by sheer memory. Reaching out to part the bushes that screen the clearing, he hears the familiar voices of his squad mates, and pauses to listen.

Tenten sounds both awed and winded. "Gods, Neji! That was amazing…"

Neji must be further away, because Lee cannot make out his reply.

Tenten presses the issue, still breathing loudly. "I can't believe that was your first time−"

Neji is closer now. "It was also yours."

Lee misses the sardonic tone in his rival's words, hears only the warmth that is present in this conversation between his dearest friends. Something about this situation− aside from the fact that he knows he should not be spying on them− is bothering the young_ shinobi_, causing his stomach to clench and making him grip the box in his hand a little tighter. If only he could put his finger on it…

"Are you hurt?"

"Just a bit sore."

Abruptly, Lee realizes that the quiet discussion he has been eavesdropping on sounds very much like the post-coital tête-à-têtes of his teacher's favorite soap operas. Is it possible that Neji and Tenten have actually done_ it_, engaged in that most passionate experience his teacher had explained with the sock puppets a few years ago? Mouth falling open in astonishment, he forces himself to continue listening.

"Neji?"

"Yes?"

"Why me?"

A moment of silence, and then: "I couldn't exactly try it with Lady Hinata."

This epiphany− that his former teammates would be so cruel as to start a relationship that would effectively exclude him− is the final straw to an already terrible day. Unable to contain himself any longer, Lee bursts from cover and immediately begins berating Neji, whom he sees as the source of the problem. "How could you?! You were unable to deflower Lady Hinata, so you stole Tenten's innocence?!"

"Stole my what?!" Tenten's face is a mask of incredulity and her shriek is loud enough to startle a flock of sparrows from their roost in a nearby oak. Lee glances at her, notes the wrinkled clothing and disarrayed buns.

Neji, fully dressed in his usual training attire, reacts with slightly more composure to the accusations being hurled his way. One eyebrow arches, but otherwise his expression remains neutral. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Neji Hyuga! You twisted the sacred meaning of White Day to your own nefarious purposes and defiled her!" Lee is coiled like a spring, his thick brows lowered and his black eyes blazing with anger. One fist is raised threateningly, and the other has practically crushed the little box of chocolates, its gauzy ivory ribbon coming undone and trailing forlornly in the dirt.

"No one's defiled me!" Tenten yells, stomping one sandal-encased foot upon the ground as a form of irritable punctuation.

Lee whirls to face her, but assigns little blame. "You only think that because he seduced you! I've been right all along! He's a cad−"

"You're an idiot," Neji declares to the younger man's back. Turning on his heel, he stomps off into the shade of a nearby tree and retrieves his water bottle from its place between two roots. Still eyeing his former teammates, he wrenches the top off and takes a long drink. When hydration fails to calm him, he settles against the scarred trunk− over the years a number of weapons have been lodged in its surface− and tries to meditate.

Tenten does not have the luxury of inner peace, and knows that throwing pointy things will not solve this particular problem, so she opts for trying to clear up the misunderstanding. Crossing her arms over her chest and taking a deep breath, the young woman looks her chaotic friend in the eyes and explains slowly and clearly, "Lee! Now, you listen to me! There's been no seducing, no intimacy of any kind. I swear to you."

"But I heard−"

She throws up a hand in warning. "Hear me out. What you heard was us talking about this new attack Neji's been learning from his uncle. He can't use it on anyone from the main household, and he's not allowed to show it to anyone from the cadet branches, so he demonstrated it on the dummy over there and then we tested it out. Gods, you always jump to the wrong conclusion."

Running this latest information over inside his mind, Lee twists to look at their old sackcloth target and blinks owlishly, for its stake has pulled free from the ground and all that remains is a debris trail leading into the woods. The testing of a new technique makes perfect sense, and he has to admit that Tenten does have a point; he often gets the wrong impression. The destroyed gift still clutched in his fist is an indelible reminder of that fact.

Tenten notes that the rage has left Lee's face and she presses home her attack, clearing her throat. "I think you still owe us an apology."

Feeling terrible, Lee bows with the greatest formality; first to Tenten and then to Neji, who has opened his pale eyes in expectation of this act of contrition. Raising his voice so that he can be heard across the breadth of the clearing, the Green Beast humbly begs for their forgiveness. "I am really sorry that I accused you both of engaging in acts fornication, and for insulting you, Neji. I promise I shall never do it again."

Tenten gives a satisfied nod, but adds, "And don't spy on people, for goodness' sake."

"Unless it's a mission," Neji clarifies, somewhat mollified by the groveling of his friend but unwilling to let on.

Chastised, Lee hangs his head and begins plodding toward old stump located at the edge of the tree line, dragging the forgotten ribbon behind him. Tenten, who had been expecting her young friend to bounce back into his usual hyperactive state, follows him worriedly; she reaches his side as he takes a seat on the rotting remnant and begins crying quietly, his tears dripping down onto the mangled box he still insists on holding.

The _kunoichi_ drapes one arm over her comrade's muscled shoulder, tries not to wince at the movement; she should have backed out on her promise to help after Neji's demonstration with their dummy, but her pride would not allow her to do so. The prodigy had done his best to moderate the force of the attack, but being hit with a wall of chakra had not been pleasant… Tenten returns her attention to the distressed boy. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Lee inhales a calming breath and absent-mindedly wipes his runny nose upon his sleeve, before passing the crushed gift over for his friend to inspect. A moment elapses while he gathers his thoughts, and then the _shinobi_ begins his tragic recital in halting tones. "Well, you know today is White Day, right? I thought that with Naruto and Sasuke both out of the village, this could finally be my year−"

Neji gives a derisive snort, barely audible with the distance between them.

Tenten turns and glares daggers at him.

"−but Sakura still would not consent to a date with me!"

Tenten gives the depressed teenager a consoling hug, knowing that she should have seen this coming; Lee has been in love with the _kunoichi_ from Team Kakashi since their first Chunin Exam, and has never missed an opportunity to make his affections known. "You know she's been very busy with her apprenticeship. She's probably got to spend all her time working in the hospital or something. I'm sure it had nothing to do with you."

Lee leans into Tenten's embrace, and although he cannot believe a word the weapons mistress says, he allows her to try and persuade him that he has as good a chance at a relationship with Sakura as any other man. The murmur of her voice is soothing, and he is just beginning to feel better when Neji is suddenly standing over them. "Stop lying to him, Tenten. It's better if he faces the truth now."

Shocked, Tenten's arms fall away from Lee and she almost drops the chocolates. "Neji! That's uncalled for!"

His rival's words bring all the childhood anxieties flooding back; Lee knows that he is not handsome, or especially smart, that he has no talent for _ninjutsu_, and because of these failings no one will ever find him loveable. Feeling the tears threatening once more, he buries his face in his hands to hide them from his fellow _shinobi_. The voice from between his palms is muffled but accepting. "No, Tenten, in this Neji is correct."

"He's not!" Tenten protests, hating that Lee is in pain and loathing Neji for causing it.

"I am," Neji insists, the full power of his pearlescent regard upon the bowed head in front of him. There is a period of silence− the space of a few heartbeats− while he considers his agonized friend, and then those eyes flit towards the furious brown ones of their female colleague. He addresses them both, tone slightly more stern than his usual level one. "Lee has no chance with that girl, and that is how it should be. He's too good for her."

Tenten's hastily indrawn breath is the only sound within the clearing; otherwise there is no noise or movement, the trio embroiled in a strange tableau as they struggle with their conflicting emotions. And then Lee erupts, hurling himself at Neji, left fist aiming for the other man's face. Startled, the prodigy drops back a pace and just manages to avoid the blow, but Lee is persistent and follows. "Rogue! How dare you say that about darling Sakura!"

Watching Lee press his attack and seeing Neji tactically retreat, an amused Tenten settles her aching body on the recently vacated stump and pops open the destroyed box of chocolates. No sense letting a perfectly good White Day gift go to waste.

* * *

"Oh, wow! Look at that!"

The sound of Tenten's voice raised in excitement causes Neji to slow his pace, and the chorus of agreement from Rock Lee succeeds in stopping him in his tracks. Irritated at this newest delay− there is no way that they will make it back to Konoha before nightfall− the appointed captain of this little squad turns to look for his two subordinates, peering down Tanzaku Town's crowded main thoroughfare.

Neji spots the pair standing some twenty paces back, gazing into the decorated window of a tiny corner shop and paying absolutely no attention to him. Resisting the urge to grind his teeth, he begins weaving his way back through the other pedestrians, all the while wondering how events have slipped so far out of his control. Their first mission together as Chunin was supposed to have been a simple one…

Actually, the operation itself had gone off without a hitch, something that Neji remains very proud of; the _shinobi_ had made it to the boundary of Fire Country in record time, encountering no bandits, and turned their valuable cargo over to the necessary officials. The night they had passed in that squalid border town had proved uneventful, and the three friends had started out for home this morning just as the sun was rising.

They had been halfway back, leaping easily through the treetops and listening to Lee ecstatically recounting how Lady Tsunade had decreed Sakura would spend some time training with them. Tenten had suddenly demanded a pit stop, and when she had returned the _kunoichi_ had been in a foul mood. As the hours passed, the girl had complained about everything from aching feet to an empty belly, and Neji had finally called a halt.

Gods save him from menstruating females and the hell that is Tanzaku Town.

Walking up behind the troublemaker, Neji takes a moment to observe her. An opportunity to rest and some hastily devoured food seems to have done wonders; standing before the window, an energetic Tenten is pointing different objects out to Lee, who has his face pressed right against the glass. Perhaps sensing his presence, the young woman glances over her shoulder and throws him one of her usual cheery smiles. "Look at this, Neji!"

The Hyuga moves closer and revels in the height that his latest growth spurt has delivered; it is easy now to peek over her shoulder and see the wares on display. Hundreds of beautiful figurines line the store's narrow shelves, each one expertly carved out of a precious wood and polished to perfection. Everything imaginable is represented, from animals to weaponry to human genitalia, but the one Tenten indicates is a model of steam locomotive. "Ah…"

"I wish we'd gotten to ride on that one, back when we were stationed in the Land of Snow," Tenten says wistfully.

Lee agrees with her, and the duo spends a few moments reminiscing about that horrible assignment before another item catches their attention. Neji listens to their happy chatter for a bit longer, but soon his thoughts are back upon their mission and he is pondering the chances that its completion will lead to a promotion for him. His private goal is to be the first person from their year to advance to the rank of Jonin, and he knows he must be close.

With such heavy contemplation, Neji's pearlescent eyes lose some of their focus and he soon finds himself absently watching the reflections of passersby on the shop's window. Most of the folks wandering around behind them seem harmless, but he does spot one or two who might be pickpockets. The prodigy has just begun keeping tabs on these men when he sees it; a flash of dark hair and pin-wheeling red eyes observing them from across the street.

Sasuke Uchiha.

The missing-nin smirks and immdiately disappears around a corner, but the brief glimpse of him is enough to banish all thoughts of thieves and send adrenaline shooting throughout Neji's body. The urge to sprint after the younger man− to meet him in combat and finally determine which of them is the strongest− is almost overwhelming; it takes every ounce of self-control the _shinobi_ has to remain in place, to consider the possible repercussions the way a leader should.

Protocol says that Neji should rally his team and chase after Sasuke, that they should fight and capture− or execute− the Uchiha for the traitor that he is. It is their obligation as ninja of Konoha, and the white-eyed genius cannot easily disregard such a thing; duty, after all, is literally etched into his skin. This reasoning mixes oh so temptingly with his yearning for battle, and Neji opens his mouth to give the order−

Tenten is giggling. "That miniature one there; is it a mushroom or a penis?"

Lee responds, "I think it is just an elderly sage in the lotus position."

−and closes it again, mentally cursing. If Sasuke has grown as powerful as his reputation suggests, then Lee and Tenten will serve as little more than distractions. Furthermore, it is possible that Orochimaru and any number of his minions are also present in Tanzaku Town; the criminals could easily overpower his small cell, and− while Neji is not fearful for his own safety− he has his subordinates and the civilian populace to think of.

For a split second, the young captain imagines the aftermath− himself grievously wounded, Tenten already gone, Lee dying in agony, this lively metropolis flattened and mass casualties everywhere− sees it all so vividly that he begins to wonder if he has fallen victim to a _genjutsu_. But no, at the sound of Tenten's worried voice the disturbing images all fall away. "Neji, is something wrong? You look pale."

"He is always pale," Lee interjects, still distracted by the statuettes. "Look at the hermit crab! His shell is so life-like!"

Neji ignores the comment from the other male, focuses on the question asked by the _kunoichi_; he is surprised by her perceptiveness, but unwilling to admit to his anxiety or disclose the reasons for it. Inhaling a cleansing breath, he glances skyward and thereby finds the inspiration for a plausible falsehood. "I'm fine. I was just hoping we'd make it back to the village before it starts raining."

Tenten follows her comrade's gaze, notes the threatening grey clouds gathered overhead, and does not recognize his lie. Grinning devilishly, she grabs the padded collar of Lee's flak jacket and gives a sharp tug, jerking the younger man away from the now-smudged window. Sliding past their leader, she sticks her tongue out at him. "Come on, Lee. We're going home now, because Neji's afraid of rain."

Falling in behind the duo, Neji scans the milling crowds as they walk toward the gates, but there is no further sign of their elite enemy. After what seems like an eternity, they pass through the enormous portal and step onto the less-congested roadway leading back to Konoha. Out in the open, safe from ambush, the prodigy finally relaxes his guard and begins once more to focus on his teammates' nonsense.

"But, Tenten, the hermit crab−"

"Lee, you have three of those at your apartment! Real ones, remember? They're probably hungry."

"Or dead," Neji inputs.

The cacophonous consternation that arises from such a remark is music to his ears, and Neji suddenly knows that he will _never_ exchange the lives of his friends for a worthless missing-nin.

_To be continued…_


	2. Laundry, Charity, Worrisome Encounters

_Naruto_ © Masashi Kishimoto.

_Author's notes: Huge thanks to those who reviewed the first chapter! This is the start of a longer, more mature story arc, but the next part may not be out for a bit due to other projects._

**The Fiery Album of Life**

The evening of his sixteenth birthday finds Neji Hyuga wandering down one of Konoha's primary thoroughfares, heading toward Gai's apartment and wondering where his former team has decided to treat him to dinner; the genius can only hope they are not going to Yakiniku Q, as it is too hot for barbecue. Plus, he is dressed in his customary white ensemble and Lee has a tendency to get rather messy when grilling meat.

Coincidentally, the door to Shirakawa's Laundromat swings open at the moment he is about to pass by, and Tenten peers searchingly around the jamb. Neji stops walking, surprised to see her there; he knows that the _kunoichi_ does not have her own washer and dryer, but for her to be doing laundry when they are supposed to be meeting in less than an hour seems like an uncharacteristic case of time mismanagement.

"Do you have minute, Neji? I could really use your help."

Neji knows that he is no domestic prodigy− his own clothing is cared for by his family's army of maidservants− and he is about to remind his friend of such when she reaches out and grabs his long sleeve, pulling him forcibly inside. He has never been to a commercial laundry before, and so he takes a moment to observe the dingy tan linoleum, the rows of machines with their little windows, garments spinning away inside, the four loitering customers, all of them civilians…

Tenten sounds almost panicked, addressing him in that certain tone which she usually reserves for Lee. "Neji! You'll have plenty of time to stare in a second, but right now I need you to listen to me. That's my last load of laundry in the dryer right there. It's only got a few more minutes, but I've got something I need to run out and take care of. Can you please, please stand here and guard it?"

Neji blinks slowly, unsure what all the fuss is about. "Where exactly are the clothes going to go?"

Tenten sighs and merely points to a large sign hanging on the wall at the back of the establishment: _Do Not Leave Belongings Unattended_.

Neji frowns at that, glances circumspectly back at the other patrons. They all appear normal enough, though three of the four look less than pleased to be spending their summer night in such a dowdy place… Still, it is difficult for him to believe any of them could be mentally ill clothing snatchers. He returns his attention to Tenten, wondering just what sort of seedy den she has dragged him into. "People will steal them?"

"Sometimes. Naruto was famous for it," Tenten replies distractedly, pulling out her wallet from her pants pocket and quickly counting the money inside.

Neji almost points out that Naruto is away from the village, and thus incapable of any repeating any of his childhood pranks, but as Tenten whirls about and puts her hand on the door another, more pressing question takes its place. He rushes to get the words out− praying he is using the correct vernacular− before his best friend disappears into the fading sunlight. "What should I do with the clothes if they… finish?"

"Just put them in the basket with the other−" The glass door swings shut, cutting off Tenten's irritable explanation.

Neji is perhaps the only Hyuga to have ever been abandoned in a laundromat, and he is certain it is not a distinction of merit. Spying the pale pink hamper the young woman was talking about on the floor nearby, he nervously picks up the plastic thing− already filled with neatly folded clothing− and holds it before him protectively before realizing how ridiculous he must look. He quickly sets it back on the ground beside his sandaled feet.

A moment later the ancient machine behind him ceases its turbulent rumblings and Neji turns around to inspect it. He is leaning close, peering through the tiny window at the unidentifiable heap of garments lying in the bottom of the drum and wondering if they are truly dry, when the shrill buzzer announces the cycle's end. Startled by this most unexpected sound, it takes all of his self-control not to leap backward or even fall over.

Behind him, the doorbell chimes merrily. Neji straightens and twists in relief, expecting Tenten to have returned from her errand, ready to solve this mess for him. Instead, he is greeted by the odd sight of Rock Lee holding the door open for the strutting figure of Ino Yamanaka. The unwelcome duo spot him immediately; Ino waves gaily and heads for the back of the building, while Lee smiles brightly and comes to stand beside him.

"Felicitations, my rival!"

Neji ignores the sentiment, as his current situation is absolutely not anything to be happy about. "Why are you here?"

Lee frowns at his friend's poor manners, but does not demand an apology because he believes a person may act as they like on the anniversary of their birth. Instead, the young _shinobi_ explains, "I had to go to Yamanka's flower shop to pick up your− I needed to purchase something, but they were closed. I was traveling to Tenten's apartment to seek her counsel when I had the good fortune to met up with Ino. She said she had to make a stop here, but would open her store afterward…"

Neji's brain is aching. Not from following Lee's convoluted account, but because he has just learned he is getting flowers from another man as a birthday present.

Lee notes the other man's twitching eyebrow, but is unaware of the trauma his slip of the tongue has caused. "You know that your laundry is done, right?"

"It's not mine." Neji's protest is automatic, before he turns dutifully back to the machine. He stares at it for a few moments, searching the panel in vain for the button that must open the small door. Lee, perhaps sensing his confusion and trying to be helpful, reaches out and gives the portal an experimental tug; it pops open with no apparent damage to the appliance, and both men are suddenly faced with the pile of clothing resting inside.

Panties.

Neji feels the blood drain from his face as an emotion akin to shock settles in; his long-time best friend has deserted him here, left him in this hellhole to publicly handle her unmentionables. For a moment, he considers shutting the dryer door and just walking away. It is a practical solution, but Lee is a witness now, and if the Hyuga wastes any time trying to eliminate the younger ninja Tenten will almost certainly return before the deed is done.

Heaving a resigned sigh, Neji squats down and pulls the hamper so that it is sitting mostly hidden between his body and the dryer. Turning his head to the side, he focuses pale eyes on the scratched linoleum flooring instead of the brightly colored heap of underwear. One hand reaches in determinedly, grasps a handful of the garments− his mind shouting for him not to memorize the sensations of warm silk and cotton− and shovels them into the basket.

No turning back now.

Reminding himself that he has been forced to do worse, Neji peeks into the apparatus and sees that there must still be fifteen impossibly tiny pairs resting in there. Mentally, he asks himself why on earth Tenten would have so many, then decides he would rather not know and returns to pulling them out. The prodigy is just reaching for the last, taxing pair when Ino pops up behind them, and he freezes with his arm still inside the dryer.

Fate really does hate him.

"I'm sorry about that, Lee. My new diet's been going great, and the old lady who runs this place does the most fabulous job taking in clothing," Ino says with a smile. She brushes blonde bangs from her pretty face and carefully adjusts the plastic-encased outfit dangling over one slender arm before gazing curiously down at Neji. The Hyuga remains resolutely in place, ignoring her, and the girl finally feels the need to ask, "Are you stuck down there?"

Neji answers a negative, his peevish tone echoing around inside the metal drum. Knowing there is no hope for the situation, he leans back slowly and tries to drop this final and damnably sinful-looking bikini casually into the hamper. Ino grasps his wrist before he can let them fall, laughs aloud at the maroon silk and dainty black lace concoction clutched in his hand. "Boy, she really has you whipped, huh?"

Lee, his eyes wide a saucers, tears his gaze away from the panties. "Whom?"

Letting go of Neji's arm− the genius forgets to drop the underwear, though she is the only one who notices− Ino grins lasciviously at the two staring males. "Tenten, of course. I bought that pair for her, you know. We were on that mission together back in March, right before her birthday, and I noticed she had the most hideous lingerie imaginable. Seriously, I bet even mousy Hinata owns sexier stuff than that…"

Neji does not want to contemplate the sort of undergarments his younger cousin might own, but oft-repressed teenage hormones ensure he is mildly curious as to why Ino would have seen Tenten's underwear. Had the women shared a room during the operation? Were those stories he had overheard other boys talking about in the Academy true? Did slumber parties with naked pillow fights actually exist? Could Tenten be attracted to girls?

Ino laughs, all too aware of the myriad sexual thoughts she has set loose in both boy's heads, and grabs hold of a blushing Lee's vest. "We should go now. Good luck, Neji!"

Neji watches as the strange pair disappear through the door, confused by the _kunoichi's_ parting words in particular and this whole evening in general. He is in the midst of rising from his position on the floor when the newly shut entrance swings back open and Tenten strides in, empty-handed but with her mood restored to its usual brightness. "Thanks so much, Neji. I made it to the bakery just in time− Uh, why are hanging onto my underwear?"

That singular question garners the attention of the other patrons, and Neji knows that he must look like the very sort of creeper Tenten had wanted him to stand guard against. He fully expects the weapons mistress to snatch the tiny panties from him and toss them into the overflowing hamper, to hurry out the exit with her cursed laundry and call him a pervert in the process. To go home and eat the entire birthday cake she had probably just bought for him.

With a roll of her eyes, Tenten gives a huff and closes the space between them, reaches out and seizes the silky material with the vehemence he had imagined. One of the thin black ribbons dangling from the side accidently catches upon his ring finger, and she yanks so hard that it comes untied. He opens his mouth to apologize and hopefully forestall her leaving, but she walks on past him toward the rear of the laundromat, vanishes into the restroom there.

Neji blinks in astonishment when, a minute or so later, Tenten reappears with the delicate garment and smiles at him as though nothing is amiss. He observes her carefully as walks toward him, seeking an answer to his newest suspicions, but there he cannot be sure. As she brushes past him and bends to pick up her laundry basket, he sees a hint of panty lines. The words of disbelief slip unbidden from his lips. "Were you not wearing any underwear before?"

"Shh! Not so loud, Neji!" Tenten suddenly breaks into a fit of giggling that draws every eye in the establishment back to them. Embarrassed by the scrutiny, Neji turns away and has to wait for the _kunoichi's_ laughter to run its course before she explains in a whisper, "Well, we've been busy with missions lately, so I haven't really had time for laundry. I was getting dressed to run some errands for your party when I realized I was out of clean ones."

Together, they move to the door and Neji holds it open while Tenten squeezes out with the full basket balanced upon one hip. The Hyuga does not point out that if she were comfortable enough to go to both the laundromat and bakery without underwear then she should have been fine with attending his celebration without them. After all, no one would have noticed− well, probably not, as so few members of his family were invited− and she could have done the washing tomorrow.

He will never understand feminine logic.

Tenten grins mischievously up at him. "You're still thinking about them, aren't you?"

"Of course not," Neji lies, looking away lest his face flush and betray him.

Tenten smirks and bumps her unoccupied hip playfully against him. "Happy birthday, pervert."

* * *

Tenten is drying dishes when she hears Rock Lee out in her living room, speaking aloud though he is alone.

Curious, she steps into the den, still holding her towel and a plate. "Lee, who're you talking to?"

Lee looks up from his seat on the wood floor and smiles brightly. "My new friends."

The situation is eerily reminiscent of horror films.

Tenten spies a trail of cookie crumbs leading into her foyer, feels a draft indicating the front door is open.

"Do not step on them," Lee whispers warningly, his eyes big as saucers.

Tenten looks closer, and sees the line of ants marching from piece to piece of her friend's dessert. "Lee!"

Lee frowns at her tone, knowing she is displeased. "But it is raining outside! They need a good home!"

Tenten brandishes the plate threateningly. "If you invite them in here, I'm going to need a good home!"

"But−"

"Put them out! Now!"

"Tenten! Please!"

"I'll squash them if you don't get them out of here."

Choking back tears, a frustrated Lee begins to scoop the newly orphaned insects up.

Only to find out that his latest friends are ungrateful for his efforts on their behalf, and bite quite ferociously.

Life is so unfair.

* * *

"Neji!"

The teenage _shinobi_ has just stepped out of the Ninja Academy when he hears his name being shouted across the playground, and he has to resist the urge to groan aloud; he does not hate Sakura Haruno− two weeks of mandatory training this summer, plus one dumb breast cancer scare, have erased his earlier dislike of the medic− but the Chunin is exhausted from his latest mission and wants nothing more than to return to his family's estate for a bath and a nap.

The girl jogs the remaining distance between them, coming to an abrupt halt a few feet away. She is professional enough not to say anything, but Neji knows her sudden stop is because he smells, and his dread over this unexpected encounter increases. "Sorry to shout," Sakura says with a smile, "but I was afraid I'd miss you. We just got word you were back, and the Hokage really needs to speak with you."

For a heartbeat Neji is elated, his fatigued mind thinking that this conversation will be the much-awaited promotion to Jonin. But then he realizes that such an event would be more formal− the potentate would at least give him time to take a shower− and a cold weight settles in his stomach. Could it be possible Tsunade found out about the incident in Tanzaku Town, when he had shirked his responsibility and left Sasuke Uchiha alive?

Neji has always been well-bred, but he is suddenly overcome with the urge to swear like a sailor.

"Come on," Sakura says. The medic turns to lead the way back to the Hokage's Residence, completely unaware of his inner turmoil. Neji has no choice but to trail after her obediently; he notes that she seems to be in a good mood− humming almost happily− which would be unlikely if her former teammate were about to be the subject of a grave discussion. This train of thought leaves him feeling somewhate comforted but still greatly puzzled.

What could the Hokage need to see him for?

xxxx

"Enter."

At the command, Sakura twists the knob and pushes the door open, gestures for Neji to walk inside. He does so, already aware that this is not the same chamber he had been summoned to as a Genin, when Lee had been stupid enough to get his kite stuck on the Hokage Monument. This office is smaller and more private, with no windows and only a single door leading off to another little room, which Sakura disappears into.

The woman sitting behind the cluttered desk, however, appears exactly the same as the first time he had seen her. Strange that Tsunade never ages, but Neji does not dwell on the notion because she is staring at him, her face an expressionless mask. The prodigy bows, conscious of the fact that he has never been alone with her before, unnerved by this whole weird situation. "You wanted to speak to me, Lady Hokage?"

Tsunade clears her throat and gives the flask sitting on the corner of the desk a brief, longing glance before turning her light brown eyes back to his handsome face. She steeples her fingers and scrutinizes him for a moment longer, allowing the tension to build; then painted lips open and she says in her most authoritative tone, "I do indeed. I need some information, and I want the truth from you."

Neji swallows, once again fearing the worst. "Of course."

"Is Tenten still a virgin?"

It is the very last thing the genius expected to hear, and he cannot keep the surprise from his features. Why does the entire village population think he is romantically involved with Tenten? Youthful appearance aside, is Tsunade suffering from dementia? It must be the only explanation for her question… Neji realizes she is still awaiting an answer, so he manages to close the jaw that has been hanging open and says, "I'm not sure why you're asking me, Madam Hokage."

"Well, we have her medical records, but that particular block was filled out a few years ago and it isn't as though the doctors go around checking. I thought that− with your being friends and all− she might have shared that fact…" Abruptly, the woman bursts into laughter, her generous breasts coming dangerously close to spilling out of her casual gray top. "Oh, don't look so constipated, Hyuga. Shizune, get in here!"

The dark head of the Hokage's perpetually frazzled assistant pokes out of the tiny anteroom Sakura had gone into earlier. There is an ink brush clenched between the woman's teeth, and a telltale black smudge across her pale forehead. She glances at Neji and her face flushes as though she is greatly embarrassed to see him there. Pulling the writing implement from her mouth, Shizune turns to her demanding mistress, "Yes, Milady?"

"Bad luck. I'm afraid we each owe Sakura one hundred _ryo_."

There is a loud whoop of joy from inside the other chamber, courtesy of the newly rich apprentice, and Neji finds that his left eyebrow has begun to twitch uncontrollably; did these women really wager that he was bedding Tenten? Is this what the leaders of the village do in their free time? The _shinobi_ is not religious by any means, but he says a mental prayer to any deities who may be listening and asks them to watch over Konoha.

And to get him out of this room.

The two women are quietly observing his discomfort, Tsunade with obvious amusement and Shizune with that same chagrin plastered onto her features. After a moment, the continually stressed younger _kunoichi_ breaks down and stammers, "I'm sorry about the bet, Neji. When Lady Tsunade said she was going to ask you, we… got a little carried away. Sakura said you two weren't together, I thought that just maybe you were, and the Hokage−"

There is a quick cough from the oldest person in the office, interrupting whatever the blabbing assistant had been planning to divulge. "That's enough, Shizune."

The fateful words are out of Neji's mouth before he can stop them: "I'd like to know."

"She was betting you were attracted boys," Shizune squeaks, ducking back into the relative safety of her workroom and slamming the door.

Tsunade glares at the shut portal before turning back to her cluttered desk. She sinks wearily down into her chair, and this time she does pick up the large flask, drinks deeply before slamming it down. The porcelain shatters and the woman frowns at the pieces before returning her attention to Neji. She eyes him for a long moment, seeing the irritation that he has not quite hidden, before pointing him toward the room's only other seat.

Knowing he has no alternative, Neji stalks to the overstuffed green chair− likely a relic from the days of the former Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi− and lowers himself down onto it. He is immediately engulfed by the stale odors of dust and tobacco smoke, and knows he has guessed correctly. A part of him wishes he were talking to that old geezer instead; their chat would have likely been about business, or at least not bordered on sexual harassment.

Tsunade gives the prodigy a few minutes to calm himself, knowing that the rest of the conversation will not be any easier for the Chunin. "Joking aside, I called you here because I need your opinion on an important matter. There is a serial rapist and murderer, likely a _shinobi_, on the loose in the capitol; three women have died in as many months, and the police have so far been unable to apprehend him. They've asked for our help."

Neji inclines his head in a show of understanding, his aggravation nearly forgotten now that he is being presented with the details of a case.

"On behalf of the village, I agreed," Tsunade continues. "I had our psychologist look at the physical evidence and draw up a profile, which we then cross-checked with a list of missing-nin. We've narrowed it down, and there's a promising suspect, but it's been two weeks and we still haven't found this guy; he might be laying low now that we're involved. I may need to send an operative in as bait, and I think Tenten should be it."

Some worry is niggling at the back of his mind, but Neji is too busy focusing upon the logistics of such a mission to pay it much heed; Gai and Lee are due to leave for an operation tomorrow, but he can take Tenten and maybe two others. If he notifies them tonight, it should leave them plenty of time to pack. Meanwhile, he can read over the incident reports and formulate a plan for catching the killer. "We can leave tomorrow, Lady Hokage."

A subtle change at his words, an emotion close to pity flitting across Tsunade's features. "You've misunderstood me. Tenten will need to go alone."

Bait.

Neji's mouth goes dry at this unwelcome revelation. He swallows hard and forces himself to ask, "Is this a… seduction assignment?"

"It might be," Tsunade says, sighing. The silence between them stretches, so she hastens to explain, "This mission is about finding and neutralizing this creep, by any means necessary. Tenten fits the description of all three women; if we send her undercover, get her to wander around the places he trolls for his victims, we might be finally be able to catch him. But he's got to be completely unsuspecting, which means no backup."

"Will she be armed?"

"No."

Too risky for Tenten to be without her weapons, Neji thinks. She might be proficient in both _ninjutsu_ and _taijutsu_, but what if the killer proves better? His friend will need every advantage to complete this mission, and her tools are her greatest asset. Furthermore, some incidents from their pubescent years have given him doubts about her ability to just sit back and be manhandled. "There must be someone else, a _kunoichi_ with more experience−"

Tsunade clucks, stares at the mess strewn across her desk. One manicured nail taps a piece of porcelain distractedly. "Less is more, in this instance. It has to be believable."

Neji does not want to think about her meaning. "Even so−"

"Dammit, Hyuga! I called you in because I wanted hard information, not hysterics," Tsunade snaps, face morphing into a scowl and brown eyes glaring at him. "I've got tons to deal with here; there are rumors of shadowy orgnizations, Sasuke is still missing and Orochimaru with him, and now there's this bastard raping girls… There is no one else I can send! No one! Now you tell me the truth: can Tenten pull this off, or not?"

"Maybe," Neji replies, still uncertain and now unable to think clearly because of the sudden fury that races through his veins. He cannot believe that this callous old hag had summoned him here and ordered his help, only to disregard everything he wanted to say. That she would be so willing to sacrifice his best friend, the girl who perhaps admires her more than anyone. The teenager tries to reason with her once more, "I would feel better if−"

"Your feelings in this matter are irrelevant. You're dismissed."

xxxx

"Neji?"

Startled by the sound of his name, the Hyuga glances up to find himself back outside the Hokage Residence, with Rock Lee peering worriedly at him. Rage had rendered him temporarily catatonic; he cannot remember bowing to Tsunade with the minimum respect allowable, slamming her door on the way out, or storming past a group of aides who had been waiting anxiously outside. And he had not heard Lee the first three times.

"What, Lee?"

The Green Beast frowns at his tone but does not back away; he hesitates with his answer, wondering at the politest fashion to say what it is he is thinking, before explaining, "Gai-sensei and I just finished our afternoon run. I am on my way to the hot springs, and… Well, you smell like you are wearing the cologne of hard work! Perhaps you would care to join me? A good soak might soothe those frayed nerves."

Neji exhales against the tension in his body, certain that a hot bath− which he still desperately craves− with Lee will prove anything but relaxing. He briefly debates upon going home, but there is little chance of getting any privacy in the family's communal bathrooms, and it is far more likely his foul mood would be noticed by pearlescent eyes and commented on. With little recourse, he gives a nod of agreement.

xxxx

They have paid their fee and are in the small changing room, one teenager standing on either side of the chamber and a wooden bench attached to the floor between them, the distance and obstacle part of an unspoken masculine code about getting naked with one another. Keeping eyes averted is another, but as Neji pulls his voluminous white shirt over his head Lee turns to him. "Did something go wrong at the Hokage's?"

Neji says nothing, merely folds the garment neatly− the action is more the product of meticulousness than actual training− and lays it in the wicker basket sitting on the shelf. He does not want to discuss the situation, his rage at the old woman or the loathing he has begun to feel for himself and his insecurities. Why can he not draw a line anymore, and be purely professional when it comes to Lee and Tenten? Is that a weakness?

Lee looks away when Neji begins to untie the knot on the waistband of his pants, focuses instead upon shimmying out of the green spandex suit; pulling both of his arms free, he pushes down on the fabric, working it over his narrow hips the way girls do tight pants and tugging each leg out with a hop. Bunching the gaudy outfit up, he tosses it carelessly into the hamper, and adds, "Tenten's worried about you."

Neji pauses with his trousers draped over one arm, somehow surprised that his former teammates would make him a subject for discussion. "She shouldn't be."

The younger man− now clad only in a very small, tight pair of briefs− gives a shrug and adds almost accusingly, "She has been since that mission where we stopped in Tanzaku."

After adding his pants to his pile, Neji breaks his rule about keeping eyes on the floor and turns to face Lee. His friend chooses that moment to slip his bright orange speedo off. Kicking the odd vestment up into the air with a distracting genital jiggle, the_ shinobi_ grabs them single-handedly and slam dunks them into his basket. Disturbed by the whole scene, Neji just manages, "Tenten doesn't need to concern herself with me…"

Lee whirls around in all his glory and places his hands squarely upon his hips. He peers unabashedly at his former teammate, sensing things unsaid. "Because?"

"She should be worried about herself," Neji murmurs, glancing away uncomfortably. Knowing that he should not expound further, the prodigy turns his pale back to other ninja and hurriedly removes his boxers. They fall into the tiny hamper with the other dirty clothing− shame he had not thought to pay the extra and get them laundered− and a second later his hair tie follows.

Grabbing two fluffy towels from a stack on a nearby shelf, Neji goes to walk to the door and finds Lee standing in his way. Misunderstanding this blockage, he throws the other _shinobi_ one of the cloths; the Green Beast catches it easily but does not turn move to go outside. He looks Neji up and down with dark eyes, scrutinizing him. "We are not leaving until you explain your words. Is Tenten in danger?"

Neji frowns, aware that he is now trapped between the proverbial rock and hard place; slipping past Lee without resorting to violence will be impossible, and they really should not be fighting in changing room. He could turn and leave, but now that he is close enough to smell the slightly sulfurous baths, the virtuoso wants nothing so much as to climb into the steaming water and forget today's aggravations.

Giving in, Neji outlines what Tsunade had told him.

As soon as the account is finished, a gaping Lee steps absentmindedly out of his friend's path. Neji squeezes past, moving to the glass door leading out to the bathing area and hot springs. As he rolls it open with a clatter, allowing heat and sunshine to flood into the chamber, the astonished younger man standing behind him finally finds his voice. "You believe she cannot accomplish such a mission?"

Neji glances over one shoulder and voices the truth, feeling impossibly naked with the words. "I would rather she didn't try, and I'm telling you that in strictest confidence. Keep it to yourself."

Lee nods sagely and, moving to join his friend in standing at the exit, says somberly, "I agree, and of course I shall keep your secret. Tenten would kill us if she knew we had such little faith in her."

_To be continued…_


End file.
