Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

A/n Warning: No wand waving **magic** used in this story. It's also a wee bit anti-Harry and Ron. Tom Riddle and Voldemort are father and son and are leaders of seperate broomriding gangs.

Luna Lovegood was Ginny's best friend for two simple reasons, one: Luna didn't

giggle when seeing one of the Weasley's male offspring because she paid them

little to no mind and two: She didn't hold something stupid that you did against

you, ever.

It was the night before the new school year started and Molly had made a large

dinner in celebration of it. 'No kids underfoot for the next four three months, WOOT!' she cheered under her breath as she set the table. Since so many were staying over in the house that night she decided that instead of cramming everybody into the kitchen that they were having the meal it outside in their gnome filled garden. She was also hoping that one of the little buggers would bite one of her older boys on the ankle and that they would de-gnome the garden for her before their holidays from work ended.

Ginny and Luna would be starting their third year at Hogwarts and Molly was very interested in how that was going to play out for them. Neither were particularly happy about Summer ending, mainly because Ginny still had the stigma of being 'Diary Git' because she had briefly believed that the writings she'd found of a Shroom addict had been real and Luna was considered odd by the very same hypocrites that feared the woman that lived in a stall (though it was tastefully decorated) in the third floor girls bathroom and called herself Moaning Myrtle. Myrtle was always wearing a sheet with a pair of eye holes cut out and trying to sneak into the boy's bathroom. How and why the creepy middle aged woman hadn't been slapped with a sexual harassment suit was beyond the two girls' comprehension.

"That is Hermione Granger." Ginny told Luna in a conspiratorial whisper and motioning with her potato covered fork at a bushy haired girl with larger then usual front teeth sitting at the other end of the picnic table near Ginny's parents. "I think she likes Ron only in an 'I can fix him' sort of way. Potter keeps telling him she likes him, likes him. "

Luna cocked her head to the side and squinted as she observed the chatting pair a long moment. "Here's hoping she succeeds, because he needs all the help he can get. And Potter is just slow on the uptake" Luna smirked and turning her attention from the other end of the table and back to her friend raised her glass up she clinked it with her friend's "Cheers." she said, "And here's hoping this school year ends better then the last one." Ginny nodded her head in agreement.

Sitting down across from the two girls were Fred and George. Sharing a look with his twin George held out his hand towards Luna and in the middle of his palm, she spotted a sweet.

"Care for a toffee?" he asked.

"Care to see your next birthday?" Luna threatened smiling sweetly and was ready to stab his hand with her fork if he inched it any closer.

Fred laughed and George chuckled having not expected that. Ginny plucked the candy from his hand before he retracted it after Luna's refusal, "What? It might come in handy." she said trying to look innocent as she shoved the treat into her jumper pocket.

"Handy my fungus covered Auntie Em." Luna snorted disbelievingly, "You just want me to hold down Malfoy and you shove it down his throat."

"I do not." Ginny defended herself, "...I want to shove it up his nose."

"Can we not shove things up people's noses this year?" Luna whined shaking her head tiredly, "I was kind of hoping that maybe we could branch out into setting them on fire instead. Crabbe smells like he's flammable." she ended sounding hopeful.

"What about Goyle?" Ginny asked thoughtfully.

"He just smells." Luna answered and wrinkled her nose.

The spitting, sputtering and back slapping to help the other one to breath happening at the far end of the table garnered the attention of everyone else at the other end.

Narrowing her eyes in annoyance at the disturbance the twins were causing, "FRED! GEORGE!" Molly snapped and wondered silently to herself if she would ever figure out which one of them she had dropped on their heads when they were babies so that she could get him the psychiatric help he obviously needed at St Mungos because the other was just a lost cause that she hoped for the good of England never sired any children.

Luna and Ginny shared a smirk and tucked into their food.

Later that night while getting ready for bed, Luna cocked her head to the side and listened to the sound of Hermione scolding Ron for something or other at the far end of the hall, "I'm glad my dad's taking us to the station tomorrow because I don't think that she nor him would make it unscathed if I was stuck in the same car with that lot."

"Tell me about it. I'd have to get some of Charlie's dirty socks to tie on a stick and threaten them with because riding in the same train car with them last year was such a happy, happy, joy, joy moment." Ginny grumbled eying Luna evilly.

"Hey, not my fault that lot of fifth year Hufflepuffs were a fans of my dad's and could be bribed into letting me sit with them for a couple of issues of the Quibbler. You were off planning your and Pothead's wedding remember." Luna said defending herself.

"Please, "Ginny said rolling her eyes and climbed into her bed, "Don't remind me of that. And in my defence he had saved me from that Balisk so I was a bit star struck at the time which believe me went the way of the dino's when I talked to him on the train last year. The boy thinks he's being abused by his aunt and uncle since she makes him weed the garden and wear his cousin's hand me down clothes and his uncle won't let him run wild like their own son does."

Luna snorted, "Yeah poor pitiful him sounds to me like they might not have much extra money to just throw around and want him to grow up to be someone half decent. Oh the same of it all lets hold a boo-hoo fest for the dear."

"I know what you mean, Neville Longbottom doesn't have any parents either and they were on the same boat taking that three hour tour as Harry's family was and he's now being raised by his half sane grandmother and paranoid uncles but you don't hear anybody fawning over him now do you?"

Luna had unfurled her sleeping bag on the floor and was settling down for the night, "Must be one of those mysteries of the universe Gin is all I can tell you. By the way, think we can talk Charlie into letting us intern with him next summer to get 'Care of Exotic Critters' credits for our fourth year?"

"...Maybe. I he does, I do know that if we use the "No, we don't mind dragon dung." line we might even be able to score some extra galleons as pen cleaners since none of the students the Ministry sends like that part of them learning how to care for them and are willing to bribe to get the job done." Ginny said sleepily.

"Cool we'll ask him tomorrow before we leave for the station. Well goodnight Gins."

"'Kay sounds like a plan, g'night Lu Lu."


	2. Chapter 2

A/n: I don't own Harry Potter. Nuff said.

Luna stood in awe of the sight in front of her and muttered a heart felt "Daammn." Standing beside her on platform nine and 3/4, Ginny did a bit better with "Holy mother of cheesy goodness." McGonagall would have been proud of her little Grif's verboseness if she'd heard her, because Minerva herself hadn't been any better then Luna when she'd witnessed a sight similar to the one the girls had just been presented with in the form of Blaise's father when he had attended Hogwarts.

Colin Creevy looked at the two stunned girls and snickered. It was no more then a second later; Colin had raised his camera and was snapping away at what had caught their attention on the train platform.

Unaware that he had just helped, in a round about way to bankroll a small Gryffindor's plan to visit the Playboy mansion in America as soon as he turned 18, Blaise Zabini stood up from having had to bend over and retie his shoestring and jogged to catch up with his friend Draco. The money Colin would make from

the prints of Blaise's tight jean covered butt alone would be put him over halfway mark to his goal if Luna and Ginny were able to refrain from spending all their knuts on kitty treats that they bribed Filch with when they were caught sneaking around the castle at night and between classes.

After he was gone, Ginny and Luna snapped out of it and looked at off into the distance. Ginny wore a thoughtful look and Luna seemed annoyed by something. Colin knew from experience to keep his mouth shut and he might learn something about how the world really works from the pair.

"I hate Slytherins." Luna suddenly huffed and narrowed her eyes even further noticing a gawky teenage boy passing behind her friend Colin, the boy was a fellow Ravenclaw.

"Why is that?" Ginny asked curious because sure she herself may not like their attitudes but they sure were very nice to look at.

"Because since most of those little inbreeds don't go through that goofy awkward stage that 94 of the other Hogwarts males do. So while we languish away in our common rooms what do we get to gaze upon in all their pimply glory as they sit around scratching themselves, talking about Quidditch and getting more then half their facts wrong about even that?"

Seeing where Luna was going with her rant Ginny nodded sadly, "Guys that are less then attractive that wouldn't even piss on either of us if we were on fire."

Not liking the state, they were putting themselves in Colin decided to offer helpfully, "Don't sell yourselves short girls. I'm sure they'd pee on you even if you weren't on fire."

After boarding the train, no one dared to think twice about the odd sounds coming from Luna Lovegood's trunk. Because word had spread quickly in her first year after some of her snooping housemates had found in her multicoloured trunk, a real, live, fire loving salamander nesting on top of a heating pad powered by a small generator that had to be wound up every morning and evening. No one dared to go into her things again. Well, aside from the slightly klepto house elves but that was a given since Head Master Dumbledore allowed them so many galleons worth of stolen property every year instead of actual paid wages.

After having to sit with some nervous looking second years Luna and Ginny disembarked the train and together wove their way around the other students and made their way over to Hagrid the loveable half giant, who was using questionable breeding practices with his exotic pet business he was running on the side. The Centaurs were no help in curbing his actions, what with their finding new and unusual animals in the Forbidden Forest and making offhanded suggestions that usually started with "Hey Hagrid wouldn't it be neat if..." and ended with a creature that never should have seen the light of day being sold to numerous pure-blood families as a burglar deterrent a few months later.

"Wot kin I do fer yous." Hagrid drawled flashing them a warm smile when he spotted them standing silently beside him and watching as the first years climbed into the boats that would take them across the lake to Hogwarts.

"Drop the bumpkin act Hagrid." Ginny smirked, "We are not the Trio."

"Sorry," Hagrid chuckled shaking his head, "Sometimes it gets to be a habit. Anyway, like I asked what I can do for you two.

"I locked Colin in my trunk and I thought that you might want to let him out before McGonagall finds him in there and thinks he's some sort of perv trying to steal my socks for a shrine he's built to a lint loving deity." Luna yawned without covering her mouth.

Hagrid nodded, "Yeah I can see that happening since she's twitchy that way...Coming over for tea and biscuits after lights out?"

Now they may have thought what he did was borderline unethical with his breeding practices but who were they to judge since most pure-blood (pure-blood of what? Luna hadn't found out yet.) families of their kind did worse with their own children and besides all of that, Hagrid had been the voice of reason and willing alibi for both of them on more then one occasion since the moment they stepped foot onto Hogwarts hollowed grounds so they owed him their loyalty. "Sure see you then." they answered in unison. Then linking arms with each other skipped off towards the carriages pulled by the invisible Thestrals that Luna had helped Ginny see back in their second year. That little adventure involved a can of day glo orange spray paint, tetanus shots for both of them and two weeks detention with Snape and a lurking in the shadows Hermione. _Though at the time thanks to Ginny being easily amused, Luna hadn't known the frizzy haired girl's name at the time and had taken to calling her The Alone Stranger after the second time she'd spotted Hermione following behind Snape when he stalked away from them after leaving the pair outside the trophy room to polish whatever was their assignment for the night. _


	3. Chapter 3

A/n Just as a heads up, I'm taking so many liberties with what JK wrote that it's not even funny but in my defense if somebody else can write that Snape is gay and Harry is his underage lover then this might not be so out there...right?

The Ohhhhing and Awwwing during the feast had put Luna in a bit of a foul mood. One would think that living and going to school in what was basically was a testing ground for all things scientifically new an potentially life threatening just because they were a race of people that could not only survive a sixty foot fall from a flying 'broomstick' but that was also graced with a gland that made it possible for the alchemy potions and certain metals found in nature to react to them in an almost paranormal sort of way, would have been enough for some people but noooo. Announce that there was going to be a contest of chest thumping and teacher sanctioned cat calls of "Neener, Neener, Neerer, your school is a wiener" and her peers turned into happy rabid monkeys that couldn't dance to save their flea bitten hides.

Luna had hopes that her visit with Hagrid would help return her good cheer. So after throwing on a grey, two sizes too large, work shirt with the name SS McGurty stitched over the left pocket and tucking her wand behind her ear, she made her way across the almost vacant common room to the portrait of a large rook pooping on what looked like the Queen of England's royal coach. In passing Luna waved to the Ravenclaw House's Chaperone known by the code name The Grey Lady who was sitting by the fire reading what was more then likely a love letter if her blush was any indication. Rumour had it that she had a 'thing' going with Slytherins House's Chaperon The Bloody Baron. Luna thought it quite funny that two people, who where hired to help keep Hogwart's students hormones in check, were themselves sneaking off and snogging in dark corners while the students were in class. Ginny had told her and Colin that it was just like adults to pull that kind of stunt when they had over heard Cho and her gaggle of friends talking about it in the library. Luna countered with Ginny was just being bitter because another red-head was getting her some Slytherin action whereas as Malfoy wouldn't be touching her anytime soon as long as there was any kind of willing Slytherin female left breathing on the school grounds. Ginny responded by telling a tall gawky Hufflepuff that was passing by their table as he went to check out a book that "Luna here wants to know if you wear boxers or briefs." Commando was not an answer any of them needed to hear but sadly had.

The portrait's battery powered motion censor made it swing open when Luna approached and she crawled out of the portal barely managing to get out of the way before it snapped closed again. The Grey Lady just shrugged as she watched her go, knowing that if Luna Lovegood got into trouble she'd own up to whatever it was that she and her friend Ginny had done and leave her house chaperone out of it by claiming that she'd used her Ravenclaw cunning and logic to sneak passed her. Lovegood was good that way, making the other house chaperones envious of Serena. Especially Headless Nick who had been called to task by the teachers and Head Master many times because of students with the last name of Weasley pulling something after hours and claiming that Nick knew that they had left their House and went roaming.

On the other side of the portrait on the corridor side rook painting was now showed a Raven with its wings spread wide as it was about to launch it self into the purple sky. Unfortunately, the majestic-ness of it was ruined by the fact the bird looked down upon those that passed in front of it with a cross-eyed stare. Although, it was a better portrait then the Slytherins' corridor portrait of a snake with a weird rash that had tied itself in a painful looking knot.

Luna knew that at that time of night that halls were empty aside from the Weasley twins that were running about playing hide and seek with Filch as they went about setting up the next day's pranks and trying to avoid getting much deserved detentions and house point reductions. "You would think that they would just learn to bribe the man by now like me and Ginny do." Luna muttered to herself when she heard a suit of armour being knocked over somewhere on the floor above her. "Honestly, **give him** a pack of not quite bacon Kitty treats for himself and a catnip filled sock for Mrs. Norris and then boom, skulk city here they come. How hard is that to figure out?" she wondered exasperated.

After walking down one twisting corridor after another and climbing a staircase Luna finally reached the Gryffindor dorms. There she found Ginny hopping around on one foot cursing under her breath about "Cheap Arse Head Masters who refuses to get the place wired properly for electricity."

"Cracked your foot huh?" Luna asked curiously.

"Yeah, on Dean Thomas' book bag. He left it by the door and I didn't see it since Hermione is all into saving tree's and stuff so she banked the fire and wall torches early." Ginny grumbled slipping her shoe off to check the damage by the faint torch light in the corridor.

Luna found herself a bit confused, "But doesn't she know that our fires here are fuelled by dried Centaur dung and not trees?"

Ginny looked up at her friend and smirked, "Well as all knowing as she acts and as much as she reads ONE would think that wouldn't you but Ms. Granger has on major failing."

"Aside from eyeing Snape's butt every chance she gets what else is there?" Luna prompted.

"It's that she may be called one of our kind but in her heart of hearts she's a muggle through and through and will always go for the safe logical answer every time." Ginny snickered amused that she had been aware of somebody's quirk before Luna was.

"Well Gins not everybody goes out of their way voicing insane theories hoping to get chased by a torch wielding mob when they're found out to be frauds, unlike us." Luna shrugged and seeing that Ginny had put her shoe back on, headed off down the hallway.

Ginny fell into step besides her nodding her understanding, "I guess I can see that. She is one of those good girls that actually you know, cares about stuff...So promise me that if I ever because of my forced proximity to her start talking nerd speak and want to save the weird 'better to be left to their own devices' creatures like she does that you'll haul my pasty freckled butt down to the Forbidden Forest and make that survivalist militia take me in and deprogram me."

"Alright." Luna agreed readily and after a moment of thought made Ginny promise to do the same for her. Spitting in their respective hands they shook on the deal.

Afterward they walked along in silence for a good four minutes until Ginny just had to ask the question that had been bothering her since Dumbledore announced at the Welcome Back meal earlier that night, that Hogwarts was going to play host to the Tri-School tournament after a thirty some odd year ban from the school games. The look on Hermione's face had been priceless when she like everyone else in

the dining hall heard from the Head Master's own mouth while he rambled on that not only were a creature called nargles real but that Hogwarts had been under the ban for doping them and letting them loss on the opposing schools. "So, Luna just what ARE you going to do if one of those French tarts coming for the tournament is part Veela?" Ginny asked worried for her friend's mental state and the Veela's physical well being if one tried to approach Luna while their school was visiting Hogwarts.

"Be jiggered if I know." Luna shrugged, "I had thought about going to stay in the Whomping Willow until it was all over with but Dumbledore said that Sirius Black is still hiding out there from that stalker groupie of his. And you are well aware that I am not a Weir Sisters fan so I would probably smother him with a pillow the first chance I got."

"hmmm, Luna Lovegood gets life in Azkaban for murdering the Weir Sister's Lead singer and Song writer." Ginny mused aloud then shook her head, "Nope can't see it. That's to normal of a headline for the daily Prophet to run when you're finally brought down for the good of humanity. How about, "Luna Lovegood and

Ginny Weasley wanted for crimes against the stupid and setting flammable smelling gits on fire."

"Better." Luna grinned, "But what would be a more excellent headline is if it read **'Harry Potter **and **Ron Weasley** wanted for crimes against the stupid and setting flammable smelling gits on fire'."

Ginny giggled and swatted at her friend, "Can you imagine the looks on everyone's faces if the ministry did come after them for something stupid and dangerous that we had done?"

Opening the heavy door that lead outside Luna let Ginny go through first, "Forget that. Can you imagine the looks on Fred and George's faces if they ever thought that Ron and Harry had stepped one toe out of line?" Luna countered.

"On man, they would be so jealous of Ron and Harry that they would turn shades of green not seen in nature before." Ginny said eyes wide, "And then if they ever found out that WE had actually done those things and managed to get two of the trio blamed for it...one would drop dead right there in the middle of the

Burrow kitchen, I just know he would and the other would poke him with a stick till mum hit him with her wooden spoon." The vision of that happening made Luna laugh for the first time that night.

After the heavy door closed behind the pair, identical red-haired boys peered over the lip of a huge vase that was sitting next to the door leading to the dinning hall.

"We better keep a closer eye on those two brother dear." Fred said narrowing his eyes.

"Yeah, it sounds like baby sister and her friend are getting into some good scraps and leaving us out in the cold." George replied a bit irked.

"Hmm, what is the one way we can keep an eye on them two with out being obvious?" Fred thought aloud.

"Date them like we did the Patel twins when we thought that they were in with Peeves and was getting into Filches room where he's put the things confiscated from students over the years." George shrugged.

Fred shot his twin a dry look, "You do remember that we are Ginny's older brothers right?"

"Of, course I do." George huffed, "I meant that one of us should go after Lovegood. She's not attached to anyone... at least I don't think she is. So she'll probably go all girly when whichever one of us shows and interest in her what with her being a couple of years younger and all. Plus it'll make her popular in her house for having an older boyfriend so it's a win, win. She gets popular and we get in on their plans."

Fred couldn't find fault with his twin's logic and suggested that they sneak back to the Gryffindor dorms and hammer out the particulars of the plan.

Peeves, Filtch's number one underling who was hanging by his ankles from a bungee cord tied to a high up ceiling beam, easily over heard their conversation. He smiled evilly and decided that whatever Luna put her new 'Boyfriend' through would be loads more fun to watch then the twins briefly dancing around the hall after being drenched in ice water. So he tucked his water balloons back into the bag dangling from his belt and in an impressive display of flexibility twisted his body up and pulled himself up the rope and up to the overhead rafters using only his arms. "I need to go find my camera and enlist Colin Creevy's help. "Might just get the pics published in the Daily.P's idiots of the month section if we're lucky and win the end of the year grand prize." he snickered to himself.

**O**utside the fog swirled around the girls' ankles as they crossed the grounds. And off in the distance faint voices could be heard coming from the Forbidden Forest. The girls strained their ears and made mental notes of the Centaur cuss words that they managed to make out. "Sounds like it must be derby night for them." Ginny mused.

Luna shrugged and looked over at the forest briefly. "Yeah sounds like. I hope Fire-Arse wins because I put a months allowance on him."

Ginny laughed aloud and covered her mouth quickly to keep them from getting caught out by her mirth, "He is going to stomp you into a mud puddle one of these days if you don't stop calling him that." she warned when she got herself under control.

"Probably will," Luna agreed, "but honestly what would YOU call a Centaur the caught his tail on fire because he was lighting his farts?"

That sent Ginny off again and it took her longer to stop the laughter because she remembered back to that day/night early on in her first year at the school, when she and Luna on one of their nightly excursions to the Quidditch field to practice their flying saw the Centaur in question running for all he was worth out of the Forbidden Forest with his tail ablaze and launch himself into the lake.

Hagrid had told them all the amusing details about how it had come about when they went to his hut the next night for their weekly tea and crumpet get together the pair had with him. Having witnessed it himself from the doorway of his cabin it inspired him with idea for cross breeding the different exotic bugs that Luna's dad went in search of and reported on in his newspaper; The Blast Ended Skrewts was the stablest of the lot and close enough to what he had been trying for so he counted his blessings and stopped being a bug pimp while he was ahead.

Helping Ginny back to her feet Luna let the still giggling girl use her for a crutch until they reached the half giant's home.

"Hello, girls." Hagrid greeted them smiling and stepped back letting them inside his hut. His large boarhound Fang lifted his head from his paws and seeing that it was just Luna and Ginny he offered them a doggie smile and went back to his nap. While Hagrid poured the tea and set out the snacks the girls made themselves comfortable in a chair big enough for them to easily share.

"Alright which one's got the better gossip?" he asked as he settled himself down in the chair opposite Ginny and Luna.

Looking at the other wearing almost the exact same questioning expression on their faces Luna wordlessly held her fist out and Ginny followed suit. After three rounds of rock, paper, scissors Luna won meaning Ginny had to go first...


	4. Chapter 4

A/n Warning: No wand waving magic used in this story. It's also a wee bit anti-Harry and Ron. Tom Riddle and Voldemort are father and son and were/are leaders of seperate broomriding gangs.(hope that helps some:)

Ginny took a sip of her tea and cleared her throat dramatically...

"Well first off, the twins are still a pair of gits. I'd call them something worse but it wasn't me that they kept using as test subjects for their pranks. That distinction fell to Ron after Percy caught them out in the back garden about three days into our summer vacation because he didn't much approve of being their first choice of G.P and beat the freckles off of them with a cricket bat. Mum grounded him for all of an hour afterwards. Dad

hadn't even look up from muggle wind up toy he was tinkering with when they had crawled in the through back door after the beat down so mom grounded 'him' for his inattention for two weeks and he has to keep his hands off of any thing non-work related muggle made for a month. Hmm let's see what else? Oh Harry and Hermione went with us to the Quidditch world cup and bored the thing up for me until my good friend Luna here decided to sell tickets to look through a hole in the back of the Veela's tent to the leprechauns. We got caught by France's head coach and had to split the money with him 60/40 though. And after that we hung out with Oliver Wood and his family until those idiots in the masks showed up then we took turns poking one that I knocked out with a stick that turned out to be Harry's lost wand. Then the Ministry showed up and I had to hand the wand over...Fudge was good enough to promise not to tell mum about me taking on and taking down a Dead Eater and also that Luna decided Lucius really didn't need all that hair."

At that point Luna pulled out a moving Polaroid from her pocket and handed it to Hagrid. The sight of the blonde haired menace being shorn bald by the small blue eyed girl in front of him while her red haired friend sat on his back to keep him still in case he woke up and tried to run. Ever see man nearly the size of his full blooded Giant brethren laugh so hard he falls out of his chair? If you have then you know it's not a very pretty sight, amusing as hell but not pretty.

It was a few minutes before Hagrid pulled himself together and resituated himself in his chair, "It's too bad that the only thing that those idiots can be charged with most of the time is vandalism because of them putting that mark of theirs everywhere they go." he complained.

"I know." Luna snorted, "And it's a shame for the whole lot of them that Voldy's idea for taking credit for that tour boat's explosion that killed Harry and Neville's parents didn't pan out and it was proven an accident at the inquest because that would have helped him earn his street cred. . My Papa told me that Vold's Father Tom Riddle Jr.'s broomriders The Death Eaters had the countryside cowering in fear back in the day."

Hagrid took a sip of his tea and looked off into the distance at only something he could see, "Tom Riddle was an evil little worm that more then deserved his exile into the cave of Lost Souls make no mistake about that but at least the man was competent when he caused trouble for us Fae folk and muggles alike." he sighed wearily, "Unlike that pasty skinned boy of his whose more of an annoyance then anything else...Anyway lets get back to happier talk, that is if Firefly was finished?"

"Yep I was finished. Because since mum and dad don't like Dead Eater talk around the table where 'little ears' can hear I got nothing else besides some rants about Hermione and her views on our world that I had to hear about, over and over again up until we went to the Quiddich cup and she got distracted by what she deemed inappropriate behaviour by the attendee's." Ginny answered sounding put out, "That was the longest two days of my life and that's saying something after that whole Chamber of Secrets mess I got into my first year."

Hagrid scratched his head thoughtfully, "Got nothing either aside from, the Dead Eaters have trudge off somewhere and left the Forest. And I'm also thinking that Dumbledore might be right to think Voldamort is going to look for his father and try to either free him from the cave or find out where the Tom hid the deed to Hogwarts since it hadn't been hidden in the Chamber like we all thought it was."

Luna rolled her eyes skywards, "Either way it's not really our problem now is it, since the headmaster's putting all his faith in Potter and now Ron and Hermione to figure out the clues Lily and James left behind in their journals to find the original deed made up when the school was first founded and not the one Salazar Slytherin had stolen from him that stated that he had won the school fair and square in a rock paper scissors contest, that's the one Moldymort is looking for because he thinks he's Slytherins' true heir. Complete bollix the whole lot of it if want my opinion. Because if nothing else, there are the squatter's rights to content with."

"Spoken like a true Ravenclaw." Hagrid snickered, "Now quite stalling and start telling us about your summer."

It had been an average vacation for her and she hadn't really thought anything was note worthy but Luna did as he requested and stopped stalling. "You have already heard the highlights of the world cup so there's no use really to add anything more so I'll tell about what I was doing before the Quidditch Cup although it's kind of boring so don't expect too much." she warned him before continuing, "Dad was waiting for me at the station when the express pulled in and had a portkey already setup for us to use to go to track down rogue Chupacabra in South America and I'll tell you right now I hate those things worst then a grub worm flavoured Berty B's Every Flavoured Bean. They smell like road kill and a pair of dirty socks that's way over due for a washing and their temperament is not any better because aside from their stench their other weapon of choice is to flick boogies on you. So not only did I have to stun it no less then three times with my wand to get it to stay down long enough for the local conservation society to tag and bag it so that it could be relocated like the others running amuck in that area to one of the old Mayan temples further south along a river somewhere. If Papa didn't need to buy a new printing press for the Quibbler I would have been out of there so fast that the medicine man, that tried to hex me after I let a feathered snake lose on his son after the little twat tried to buy me from my dad with a handful of mouldy coffee beans, would have been choking because of dust cloud I left behind instead of the fact that I punched the old man in the throat. After leaving there dad and me went to up to the Black Forest to give a pack of Were's rabies shots and a couple of more cases of flea collars. Then there was the Dental floss we had promised to some Romanian Vampires. After that we were going to go put tracking collars on some young Yeti in the Himalayas for a friend of Papas's but one of the Suckers had a couple of extra tickets to the Quidditch World Cup and traded them to dad for his electric toothbrush. And well like I said before, you know the rest."

Hagrid just shook his head at what Luna considered boring and Ginny wondered about the idea she just had that if there was some sort if insurance policy that covered acts of Luna she could buy from the goblins at Gringotts. Because if there was then she and her family could be Malfoy type rich by the end of the summer she and Luna were hoping to be able to spend with Charlie at the dragon reserve.


	5. Chapter 5

A/n my inspiration for this story was mainly My chemical romance's 'Teenagers'...You have been warned.

Also somebody asked about the Tri-wizard Tournament and it connection with the nargles so here's my take on it...

Hogwarts got caught years ago doping nargles and letting them loose on the opposing school's teams. At first none of the judge's believed the complaints of attacking dust bunnies until more then sixty of the little bugger's rolled into the dining hall during one evening meal and attacked anyone remotely smelling like damp and mold...Slytherine House had not amused and that lead to them hunting the nargles down and nearly wiping out the whole species, they also were able to use their underhanded and back alley dealings to get them removed from any mention in any credible book.(Hope that helps explain it a bit more clearly)and yeah it's a Ginny/Draco; Luna/Blaise story.

* * *

After visiting with Hagrid and giving him the Cd's they had burned for him during their summer vacation, Ginny and Luna made their way back to the castle talking little on the way. After they shaking off the moisture from the fog in the main hall, the pair found it kind of creepy as the walked the darkened halls on their way back to their houses. Luna who was not usually so twitchy about such things pulled her wand from behind her ear and made the tip light to cast more light for them to see by. Ginny followed suit but unlike Luna's wand which was close to a muggles version of a tazer gun, her's was more fire based like a cigarette lighter so she was prepared to render them eyebrow-less if someone or something even breathed in either one of their directions before they were safely in their dorms.

Half and hour later Luna was balancing her chair on it's two back legs and staring up at the ceiling while Ginny was rooting around in Fred's wallet as the they waited for Healer Pomfrey to finish healing the the twins' electrical burns and teaching them how to pencil in eyebrows.

Feeling someone staring at her Luna lowered her chair to the floor and looked straight at a glowering George Weasley. How she managed to keep a straight face when presented with the red head's crookedly drawn in brows was beyond Ginny's understanding.

"What?" Luna asked him innocently.

"Hey," she said defensively, "Don't look at me in that tone of voice. I wasn't the one who burned your eyebrows off, that was Ginny...I'm the one who tazered you and kicked you in the balls.And before you go all panicky and stupid Madam P has check you throughly and aside from their unusual blue colouring you should still be able to father kids."

"Checked?" Fred snickered.

"Throughly?" George whimpered.

Ten minutes later after listening to Pomfrey's lecture on how violence is never the answer Ginny smirked and pocketed Fred's allowance "Well that was fun.".

"Yep, laying the smack down on people is the gift that keeps on giving." Luna nodded and held the door open for Ginny.

Out in the hallway Ginny turned and was was looking at Luna exasperated, "Laying the Smack down?" she snorted, "Please don't tell me you've been watching that WWE stuff from America again?"

"What?" Luna shrugged innocently, "It's not like it's not educational."

"...Okay fine." Ginny conceded reluctantly,"So Percy DID kind of benefit from you teaching him how to make somebody tap out in a fight without having to exert himself too much but if either of you start wearing spandex and posing when you step in the dinning hall I'll...I'll...I'll tell Zabini that you'd be more then happy to...to do something very UN Hermione like." she ended lamely.

"I guess the rules out stalking Snape, screwing around with Ron's mind trying to get him to stoke out and trying to get Potter put into foster care during Summer break."

Ginny snickered and shook her head, "Alright so that was a bit sad as far as threats go."

They walked in silence a few more minutes listening to the echo of Mrs. Norris' angery yowls from a far off hallway.

"Hey Luna?"

"hmm.?"

"Just what are you going to do if those Veela you know, start acting up?"

"Are we back to that again?"

"Well excuse me for worrying about my best friend!"

"...Look Gin I'll be alright. Mum taught me well. So if one of those French tarts even look at me funny I'll shove my foot so far up their arses that they'll sneeze shoe laces for a month. Beside I think it's going to be Durmstrom me and you will have to be on the look out for."

"Why?"

"Bunch of bullies. The whole lot of them. Their headmaster used to run with Tom Sr. back in the day when being a Death Eater meant something."

"So if your right, which you disgustingly are most of the time, is it us we'll have to be looking out for or everybody else."

"I'm not to sure but I'm thinking that they'll leave the older kids like Ron's age on up alone and keep it about our grade and under."

"Okay, I can see that. Most our age and younger can be threatened into not telling nor are they trained enough to defend themselves successfully thanks to our incompetent DA teachers."

"Yeah, I'm hoping Moody's better then the rest have been. You know I was washing Cornish pixie crap out of my robes for a week after that walking toothpaste ad's first class."

"It was funny though watching Hermione trying to 'humanly' capture them."

"But did it have to take her a WEEK to wise up and start knocking the lil' bastards out with blunger bats like the rest of us were?"

At the juncture where the pair would go their separate ways a sheet clad figure jumped out at them waving it's arms in the air and making a weird wailing sound.

"Hey Myrtle." the girls greeted in unison.

"How did you know it was me?" she pouted crossing her arms over her chest.

"Aside from the fact that you're the only person in Hogwarts that wears a sheet and tries to scare people, your name is written across your forehead." Ginny said dryly.

"Figures,"Myrtle grumbled, "That witch Mcgonagall's making me label all of my sheets now. Says that she was tired of the house elves getting mine mixed up with hers. Honestly if I knew that she had the same pink and green polka dotted set like this one I'm wearing I wouldn't have bought it."

Luna leaned over to whisper in Ginny's ear while half listening to Myrtle's rant and half seriously asked "Have you ever thought about going to school someplace else?"

"Every damn time. Put in for the Salem academy last year because of Voldemort. They turned me down flat because Bill had done a stint as an exchange student with them back in his fifth year."

"Knowing Bill I can see why they's be hesitant to let another Weasley in." Luna snorted and ducked as one of Myrtle's flailing arms swung in her direction as the sheet wearing one's tirade continued.

"Hey those Thunder Birds should come with a warning slapped on their feathered behinds." Ginny said in her brother's defence. "He didn't know that they also made lightning, he just thought they caused it to rain."

"Ginny, what part of Thunder Bird did he not get? To get Thunder there MUST be lightening." Luna asked her slowly.


	6. Chapter 6

A/n I own nothing Potter except the books which I'm giving to a cousin soon...anyway this chapter was hard to get out because it's introducing the Slytherins. Also HP names and names of places play murder on spell-checks :)

As the day drew closer for the other schools to arrive for the contest Luna became downright rude...well rude in her own way. Animal's only heard of in the Ministry became her topic of choice and when that failed to drive away those around her she'd throw out an odd sounding word, "NARF!" was Ginny's favorite that she used. Colin's was "Homicide!"

In that time George's eyebrows grew back and after chalking it up to Luna just being twitchy that night she and Ginny had put him and his twin in the infirmary, he decided to further implement his and Fred's plan of getting close to her so that they could be in on her and Ginny's mischief.

Peeves after being informed of his whereabouts by a scared looking first year, found George twenty minutes after he'd heavy handedly approached Luna about going to Hogsmeade the upcoming weekend on a date. He was hogtied with his own tie in a cleaning-closet and gagged with one of his socks. That was nothing compared to what Katie Brown did to him after Ginny went and told her how he was trying to cozy up to that innocent and not quite all there third year, Luna Lovegood.

Also in that time Luna demonstrated to Ginny and Colin that yes Crabbe and Goyle were flammable after she caught the pair trying to start something with her little camera-obsessed friend. None of the three noticed the amused looking Slytherins who were watching from the level above.

"Vicious little thing isn't she." Theodore Knott chuckled as Crabbe started to slap Goyle on the butt trying to put out the flame Luna had started with Ginny's wand.

Pansy Parkinson just shrugged and made a mental note to get a copy of the pictures Colin Creevey was taking, because her mum needed something for her Christmas letter. "I've seen her do worse." she said matter-of-factly.

Draco Malfoy's silvery blue eyes widened in shock when Ginny Weasley, the baby of that do-gooder red-haired clan stuck her foot out and tripped Crabbe which made Goyle, who was still slapping Crabbe's butt fall on top of his friend. "Seen her do worse too." Pansy smirked nodding in Ginnys direction.

"...That argues that she is not very Gryffindor like." Blaise remarked dryly.

"I brought that up last year after she and Lovegood teamed up on a Hufflepuff sixth year who was teasing a one of our second years. Loons said that she and Ginns wanted to be placed into Slytherin but Dumbledore got twitchy about it for some reason and had them sorted in opposite houses, not letting either one in ours."

"_Loons?_" Blaise smirked turning his catlike eyes away from the tragically comedic happenings below, "_Ginns_? That has the distinct sounds of familiarity Parkinson. Is there something you wish to tell us?"

Again Pansy smirked, "If you and Draco would pull your heads out of your arses once in a while and actually look at what's going on around you then you would know that those two are going to just about the baddest things to ever come out of here since Tom Riddle when they graduate...Of course since few bother look passed Ginny being so innocent looking and Luna acting so looney you could be excused. Dumbledore just waves it off and I don't think the rest of the staff cares either way since neither girl seems to want world domination or at the very least free parking."

"Alright then if it's a semi-secret how do YOU know?" Draco huffed not liking where this was going.

"I AM in Slytherin House, idiot." Pansy grinned loving the fact she knew something Malfoy didn't. "And I have hung out with them a few times in detention so it's not just hearsay either."

Just then a loud yelp had the four Slytherins peering over railing again.

Mrs. Norris had joined the fray and brought her claws of vengeance. Goyle's back would never be the same again, unless he got to Pompfrey soon. Seeing the cantankerous cat Luna waved Ginny and Colin back and slipped behind a large wall hanging of a werewolf pirouetting across a field in the moonlight. Ginny and the small shutter bug joined her not more then two heartbeats later.

The smell of Filtch's mop of Groddines permeated the air from two rooms away and all the teens covered their noses to try and keep the gagging to a minimum. "Wot's goin' on 'ere!" he yelled seeing his beloved pet/friend being manhandled by known bullies. Those that were behind the tapestry may not have seen it but they sure heard the violence he inflicted upon the over weight pair.

The Slytherins had fled at the first whiff of stench heading their way, and as they made their way back to their dorms the boys continued to try and pry more information out of a skipping Parkinson.

It was night time again well after lights out when Ginny and Luna made their way out of the castle from the kitchen's side door. They were on their way to see Charlie and to offer their help with the dragons.


	7. Chapter 7

A/n this is a repost. Had this thing edited the first time but for some asinine reason it didn't save the changes, sorry…

Charlie had been more then happy to agree to the girls request so that combined with the fact that Luna had learned that Angelina and Katie were better at keeping the Weasely twins at bay then a setting Dragon and her mate did egg thieves, had her skipping through the halls and singing the odd songs she had heard in the numerous bars, pubs and dives her father drug her into when he was looking for an unusual animal to write about. 

Angelina and Katie meanwhile were feeling like big sisters towards Luna because they both had known from the start that the twins were planning something because of the conspiring looks they had witnessed them sharing whenever Lovegood walked into the Great Hall and neither girl was going to let an innocent like Luna be dragged down into the murky mire of morals the Weasley duo were known to happily wallow in.

It was after an explosive display of violence that had all four fifth years taken to the infirmary (Katie and Angelina needed bruised knuckles looked at and the twins lost their eyebrows…again) that had Professor Trelawney who had witnessed Luna's unleashing of the older girls on the two red heads stepping over Fred's still smoldering robe 

and addressed Luna who was picking up Katie's spilled book bag and one of Angelina's shoes. "Miss Lovegood, I see a large pile of dish towels and tee-shirts in your future for a fortnight." the professor said dreamily.

It took a second for what the teacher was hinting at to register with the blonde. "Oh joy, laundry duty with the house elves." Luna groaned and looked heavenward for strength. It wasn't so much the work she objected to; it was the fact that the house elves of Hogwarts kept challenging the house elves of Hogsmeade to singing competitions and used the time spent in the cavernous room because of the acoustics to practice for hours on end...and even that might have been tolerable except the Hogwart's elves just knew in their little hearts that one day they would win with either Queens 'Bohemian Rapsady' or The Village Peoples 'Macho Man'. 

Luna had long suspected that either the Hogwart's elves couldn't read the words on the monitor screen so they stuck with songs they all knew the words to or...the little buggers were more evil then the first incarnation of the Death Eaters and loved to make the children, who were subjected to Laundry detail as part of their punishment, cry silent tears and pray for their parents to buy them on of those new muggle inventions the iPod(some of the elves argued that the children must be confused and were in fact praying for and EarPod because what did a device that was in essence just a high tech music player, in the family of the record player to the elves way of thinking, have to do with your eyes?)

Three hours after her sentencing Luna glided into the Great Hall, ignorant of the eyes following her. She found a place at the end of the table and sat down wearily, her class with Snape had been interesting but draining. She didn't feel like eating but she knew that the house elves would know if she didn't at least make and attempt to eat that there would be a reckoning when she showed up to serve her detention.

The youngest Weasley had smiled at the sight of her friend and waited to see where she would choose to sit before grabbing her things and going over to the Ravenclaw table. "So," Ginny chuckled as she motioned for the kid sitting next to Luna to scoot over, "You are doing time with the house elves doing laundry."

Looking up from her plate of mashed potatoes she'd sculpted into the vague shape of a rubber chicken and nodded, "And I trust you will want me at the ready to chase the 'bad' songs from your mind with the latest Weir Sisters' single?" Ginny mused aloud not really expecting an answer.

Luna nodded again absently and a few minutes of comfortable silence decided to share an incident she had witnessed not long before she had set out for the great hall for the evening meal, "Did you know Peeves is trying to get Myrtle to go with him to that dance Dumbledore is forcing upon us. He tried to write a poem about comparing her to a bathroom cleaning product, but I think something got lost in the translation from his brain to the paper; at least I hope that was the reason for... 

'_When I am with you I do not want to yawn,_

_Because to me you smell like a john,_

_Most see you as nothing more then a useless sheet wearing flake,_

_But to me you are as useful as a urinal cake.'_

Otherwise that man is just off his rocker and need to be watched around small children and sharp objects." It was the offhanded tone she had perfected when recalling some witnessed weirdness that always made people take notice to what she was saying despite themselves and that time was no exception.

The sudden noise over where the Ravenclaws had lain claimed to, had most everyone wondering what had those at the last table spitting, sputtering and out right laughing, Ginny Weasley was the loudest. 

"Wonder what that's all about?" Ron asked with his mouth full and motioning towards the noise, seeing his baby sister clutching her sides and her face turning red from laughter had him feeling a bit left out. 

"I bet it was something that Lovegood girl said. She's odd…and and has weird hair." 

Hermione said snidely, still bitter because the day before Luna had gotten her house more points then Gryffindor when she earned a perfect score on the test Hagrid gave on the care of baby Centaur's; 'Like it was common knowledge that the things didn't have to be house broken.' 

Hearing the hair comment, Ron and Harry shared a look and each wondered silently to themselves if her state of denial was large enough for its own postal code yet.


End file.
