Naruto 1. Gone With the Naruto

**Chapter 1 – Gone with the Naruto**

_Shortly after I wrote those silly little one shots, I got a grand idea in my mind for a post Hogwarts Harry Potter story, where we would follow the adventures of Harry as he dealt with the world that he had helped to shape, the job he thought he wanted, and the leisure and romantic life of Harry Potter as he sought to find a place where he was happy. Briefly into writing that story, I realized that my current level of writing skill could not do it justice, and this story came to mind._

_In writing this, I have decided that I would adhere only to what I feel I must from the point where the story begins. Things will not necessarily proceed as they do in the canon of Naruto, as written by Kishimoto. Things that happened prior to the beginning of this story will be adhered to, with perhaps occasional ret-conning occur. This does not mean that there will be major ret-cons. Naruto will not have been hiding a super-powered serious super-ninja persona. That is not the character of Naruto. Everyone wants their favorite characters to be unstoppable and badass, but that doesn't necessarily make a good story. I see no reason to compensate or over-think past occurrences and how they "could have been done better". It's super easy to look back and complain, but forging ahead is what makes a good challenge._

_A fair warning to you: I operate on the belief that in most circumstances, people are not actively out to cause harm or do others injustice without a reason. Evil is circumstantial. Perhaps it is a result of neglect, or losing sight of the trees that make up the forest. Corruption is gradual. And more often a result of injustice than the root cause. Systems are broken, and people are the result of the system that created them .Fuck-ups happen, but at the point of writing this, I can say that I doubt they will be the prevalent case in this story. This chapter will likely be the most serious one seen for quite a while._

_As I type this, my beer at my side, I wish you all a happy reading. And good beer. Better than what I can afford right now at any rate._

**Konohagakure– 3 weeks since Uzumaki Naruto left to fight Pain**

The pathway to the Hokage tower was lined all along the road, from the gate all the way to the tower itself, by hoards of cheering villagers as Naruto was led from the gate to the tower. Naruto was amazed by the quality of the reconstruction work that had been done to the village. The modernity of the village was almost unrecognizable compared to the archaic and outdated village that Nagato had destroyed. It reminded Naruto much of some of the newer villages and cities that he had passed through in his travels, combined with the overwhelming size that a powerhouse such as Konoha commanded. It was simply incredible that this much had been accomplished in only a few weeks. Naruto had no doubt that, with all of the ninja brought back to life by Nagato's jutsu, Konoha was even more powerful than they were before. With the improved security and infrastructure, Naruto doubted that even he would have an easy time getting away from this new and improved Village Hidden in the Leaves.

His hands were, at that moment, tied behind his back, with lacing running between his fingers to prevent him from producing any hand seals, preventing him access to many of his jutsu. If anyone had told him a year ago that he'd be finding himself in this situation, he would have simply laughed at them and told them that it wasn't even a possibility. Now, however, reality had struck hard. He was at the least happy that Konoha hadn't made any effort to reproduce any of their rivals' chakra restricting devices. Even if they had made leaps in their infrastructure, they were still noticeably archaic in that sense. He was sure though, that if Jiraiya was still around, that a custom restrictive seal would have been developed to limit someone of his chakra levels. One of the old Kyuubi limiting seals had been applied; though Naruto had made no attempt to see if that old seal had still worked.

The seal had been applied by the man currently leading Naruto up the road. His old sensei Kakashi looked as apathetic as ever, though Naruto was sure that he could see at least a hint of sadness in the man's eyes at the entire situation that he was being put through. Being forced to go out and capture one of his closest comrades couldn't have been easy on the white haired man. It was nice in a way, to know that Kakashi cared so deeply. Comrades before the mission and all that. His flight must have caused Kakashi all sorts of pain, and for that, Naruto was very sorry, but he had done what he needed to do. Still, it did hurt to be faced with the effects of his betrayal.

The other key member of his retrieval team hadn't spared him a second glance since the first night of his escort back to the village. He was sure that she was hurt far more by his actions than his old teacher. Sakura must have been outraged to find out that he was still alive and had run away. Being left behind by the two men who had been her teammates must have shredded what little faith that she had left in comrades, let alone men. If Naruto had thought of that before he left, he might not have had the heart to run away at all. Thinking of all those that he met during his travels, a part of him was glad that he had been so ignorant. As much as seeing Sakura like this pained him, he knew that he would never be able to rest comfortably in this village while Tobi was still a threat to the whole world.

The procession continued along the streets, villagers cheering the entire way to the tower. The new tower itself was externally unrecognizable from the old one. This new building was taller, shinier, and sturdier looking than the old building. It was odd though, if Naruto listened closely, he could almost swear that the villagers were cheering for _him_. He was even sure that he heard one book Kakashi and Sakura at one point. That was certainly different. Naruto decided that the best way that he could handle the situation from this point on would be to keep his head down and to keep quiet until they brought him before the Hokage. He knew that Kakashi and Sakura wouldn't be conversing with him at any rate.

Finally, after several of the loudest moments that Naruto had ever endured outside of battle, he found himself within the new tower and lead to a set of very formal looking oak doors. These were the kinds of doors that spoke of power, nothing that Naruto had seen in any but the largest or oldest of towns and cities. Kakashi opened the door and gestured for him to walk into the chamber which he found to be unlike anything that had existed within the old tower. The room was set up in an auditorium style, with a stand in the middle on the ground level. Around the stand in a half circle were seats elevated in a stadium fashion. Almost every one of these seats was filled at that moment.

All around were heads of ninja clans that Naruto could recognize, as well as what he assumed were prominent civilians and politicians. At the very front of the room sat Tsunade, who had leveled quite the glare at the younger blond. She seemed furious, which was quite understandable, given the way that Naruto had deceived not only her, but everyone else in the village. As the boy's overbearing, alcoholic grandmother figure, she would be pissed. Clearing her throat, the village leader began to speak.

"Uzumaki Naruto, do you have any idea the punishment for what you've done? You've fled the village, becoming a rogue ninja, while in full possession of some of our most important secrets. As provided in the village bylaws, the punishment for these actions is to be set at your death, without the option of an honorable suicide." At this, the rage seemed to drain from Tsunade's face, and was instead replaced by a look of weariness that let on exactly how old she truly was and how much she had seen, "However, in light of all that you have done for the village, we have all come to an agreement," well, it was Tsunade's word as law in the end anyway. The council of shinobi and villagers were just around for public approval, "that we will forgive you and wipe this from your record if you agree to make a public statement and complete one hundred hours of community service. With your shadow clones, you could easily be done by the end of the day."

Naruto let out a sigh that he didn't realize that he'd been holding in before he composed his answer.

"Baa-chan – no, Tsunade-sama, I truly am sorry. I wish that I could stay here, with all of you, and do your community service. I wish that I could stick around and eat ramen with old friends, catch up over what's been going on, and tell them some stories of what's happened with me, but I can't. There's something important that I still have to do before I can return home and live my life peacefully. I suppose I shouldn't expect to be allowed back, but know that what I do, I do for all of you, and it will be better for everyone if I do what needs to be done." He said.

"You can't expect us to just let you go, Naruto." Tsunade said, exasperated.

"Well, no, not really, but the thing is…"

**Konan's Fake Tree– 30 minutes since Uzumaki Naruto left to fight Pain**

"Even If you kill me, another assassin will attack the village."

Even as Nagato sacrificed his life to bring the villagers of the Leaf back to life, these words replayed themselves in Naruto's head. They were the words spoken by the assassin of Jiraiya's first novel, The Tale of the Gutsy Ninja. Spoken to the Naruto of the story, they had seemed so simple to overcome as a simple story element, but it suddenly became very clear to Naruto that these people were after _him_. It was more likely than not that assassins of Nagato's strength, or perhaps greater, if he truly was just a puppet of the masked Akatsuki member, would be back and wouldn't let something like the village stop them.

Others later would tell Naruto that what he would decide next was the absolute epitome of split-second decisions. Naruto would simply joke back that he rarely gave that much time in thinking out a choice anyway. The one thing he truly felt bad about at that moment was suddenly and without warning dispelling the Katsuyu summon resting on his shoulder.

As Nagato's life drained from his eyes, Naruto walked over to the man and gently closed them, lidding the Rinnegan eyes of his foe for the last time. As he did so, he turned to look at Konan, who had a single tear streaming down her cheek. If Nagato's story was anything to go by, the woman had just lost the only connection she still had to happier times. This was probably the first time that she had been without one of her two childhood friends since the group was taken in by Jiraiya, and she wouldn't be getting to see either of them anytime in the near future.

"I can't go back," he said, simply. He wouldn't let the village suffer for him. He decided that it would be best for him to fade out of existence for a bit. He hadn't thought of all the details yet, but for Naruto, "run, think up the rest on the fly" was about as well thought out of a plan as he was going to generate. All of his best thinking was done in the heat of the moment anyway. "I think that it I should disappear for a while, you know?"

Konan turned, silently appraising one of the gutsiest men that she had ever met, before raising a single eyebrow, silently questioning the boy. She couldn't quite understand why someone so powerful would want to flee after such a miraculous victory. The way she saw it, the boy should have been feeling as if he was on top of the world, ready to go back home and enjoy a hero's welcome and probably a feast in his honor.

"There will be more, coming for me. I can't let that happen to the village," he said, "they'll be safer without me there."

Having seen the boy's power, Konan wasn't sure if she could agree with Naruto. But in the heat of that moment, she decided that he was capable of making his own decisions, at the very least. And so, as she levitated a bed of paper to carry her deceased friend away, she decided to put her faith into the same young man that Nagato had. Her decision to help him would likely cause her trouble in the future, but troubling herself to help this young man felt like exactly what she needed to do.

"Then run, Naruto," she said, "run far away from here. I will support you as an ally when you need it. Nagato believed in you, and so I will too. I will take care of things here. I hope that this will help you in the long run. I sincerely believe that the next time that I see you, the world will be a better place. Please make sure that you don't die until that happens."

The next words came to Naruto before he could even stop to admire the irony.

"It's the promise of a lifetime, believe it!"

And so Naruto ran. Even exhausted as he was, he was fairly certain that very few ninja would be able to catch him, even if they weren't more concerned with rebuilding the village hidden in the leaves. He would be halfway to Yu no Kuni, the land of Hot Water, before anyone even figured out that he wouldn't be returning from his "final battle". It made him slightly sad to leave it all behind, but he squashed that feeling as quickly as he could. He was doing what he knew needed to be done, and Uzumaki Naruto didn't half-ass things that needed to be done. Believe it.

**Konohagakure – 8 hours since Uzumaki Naruto left to fight Pain**

Search teams had been sent out looking for Naruto when Katsuyu said that she lost contact with him. For hours all of the shinobi, even those brought back to life just hours earlier, that could be spared searched for the loveable blond, only to come up short. The last sign of active battle was the site of Pain's Chibaku Tensei, though Shikaku had reported coming across Naruto on his way to deal with the original Pain, which corresponded with the story of the remaining Katsuyu summons. Sakura, stuck in the village with the immediately important role of tending to the wounded, was racking her nerves worrying about her genin teammate. According to the summon, Naruto had swayed the leader of the Akatsuki to the point where he willingly brought all of those that he killed in his onslaught back to life. That was certainly her teammate that she had grown to care for.

As she finished patching up the last patient in her queue requiring immediate attention, her notice was drawn to a commotion happening at the edge of what was once a village. Getting up, she made her way quickly to the scene, pushing her way to the front using her authority as the apprentice to the Hokage. The Hokage was recovering well, and would likely wake within the coming hours, but would be in no condition anytime soon to deal with this disturbance. As she got to the front of the crowd, her jaw set and her fists clenched as a grim determination set into her features.

In front of her stood a woman wearing the robes of the Akatsuki. It wasn't any member that she had seen in the past, and worry immediately flooded her as she worried that this woman was coming to gloat over the successful capture of her rambunctious teammate.

"_What happened to you, Naruto?"_ Sakura asked herself, already fearing the worst.

**Not quite halfway to Yu no Kuni – 8.1 hours since Uzumaki Naruto left to fight Pain**

"_Yup, I can definitely get halfway to Yu no Kuni before they have any idea I'm not coming back!" _Naruto thought excitedly. Looking for something to get him a bit pepped up to overcome his melancholy.

**Konohagakure– 8.1 hours since Uzumaki Naruto left to fight Pain**

"Where is he?" Sakura demanded of the blue-haired woman, one fist clenching the cloudy cloak's collar and the other reared back, ready to take the woman's head off. Exhausted and beaten though she was, Sakura was sure that she still had at least one good beheading left in her. Perhaps it wouldn't be a clean separation, but if this Akatsuki member wouldn't talk, then Sakura doubted that she would really mind. This woman could only have been Pain's sidekick that Katsuyu had told her about. Blue hair, piercings, cloak with those infuriating red clouds? All check. Death wish? Double check.

The woman's arms were raised already in a sign of surrender. They had been since before Sakura grabbed her. The pink haired girl found herself not caring. She needed her answers immediately. For all she knew, this meant that the Akatsuki had her teammate. Pain had brought everyone back, but immediately after that, Katsuyu had lost connection with the summon on Naruto's shoulder. If she was here and Naruto wasn't, to her that meant that there was something wrong.

"Careful, I'm just a clone," the woman said, "I come bearing important information for your Hokage." Konan knew that this was a massive risk, but had decided that she would throw some fresh dirt on Naruto's trail by letting them think that he was dead, while giving out vital information on the Akatsuki and its members while she was at it. She wouldn't be able to go back to her home, given that it was the central hub for that group, but the world needed to know what it was up against, and a bit of time on the road would possibly do her good. Well, her real self that is.

If anything, after hearing the woman's statement, Sakura's grip got tighter at the woman's evasion of her question. Her next statement was as cold as any ice.

"She's not here right now. If you won't answer my question, the Leaf will have nothing to do with you or your information."

"Then I will start by giving you my condolences. Uzumaki Naruto gave his life helping Nagato bring back those that were killed in the attack. Uzumaki Naruto is dead." A gasp ran through the crowd as Konan's collar slipped through Sakura's loose grip. A look of commiseration adorned the ex-Akatsuki member's face as she observed Sakura with her slack jaw and suddenly dilated pupils. As Konan sighed, Sakura snapped back to attention with fire in her eyes.

"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you where you stand."

**Halfway to Yu no Kuni – 8.2 hours since Uzumaki Naruto left to fight Pain**

"_Man, I hope everyone handles this okay. I'm sorry Sakura-chan, I haven't fulfilled my promise to you yet. I'll bring him back, believe it! It just might take a little while longer than I wanted it to."_ Naruto thought, jumping to the next branch. He wasn't entirely sure where he was going to head once he got to Yu no Kuni, but he imagined that if he headed toward the coast, he could make his way slowly back down into Ho no Kuni when the heat died down and make his way across Tazuna's bridge and pay a visit to Wave. He'd have to be careful not to draw attention, but he was sure that with careful application of henge and a constant bit of care, he'd be able to stay hidden from anyone who would report back to Konoha.

Who are we kidding, He decided he'd wing it and try not to get caught. Naruto had undergone a lot of emotional growth during his battle against Nagato, but he still wasn't the sharpest knife in the knife drawer. Hell, outside of battle, Naruto wasn't even the brightest light bulb in the knife drawer.

Which, combined with his extreme exhaustion, was probably why he failed to notice the trap wire that he tripped over.

Getting up and rubbing his head sheepishly, Naruto doubled back to inspect the wire. The wire, he found, was hardly even taut. As an old hand at trap laying, Naruto initially shook his head at such a poorly laid trap until he noticed the state of the wire. The wire seemed to have started to gather grime and growth. If the wire had been made out of iron instead of the quality steel that was required to make good ninja wire, it probably would have shown more than the few spots of rust that Naruto could see. Following the wire to the tree it was attached to, Naruto found that the tree had long since grown around the wire.

Disappointment in a poorly laid trap replaced by curiosity regarding a trap laid so well that it had lasted so long, even if it hadn't triggered, he continued to follow the line to where he was sure that he would find a device that the wire would trigger. Sure enough, exactly where he thought it would be, Naruto found a kunai launcher of a design that he was unfamiliar with. Examining it closely, he was only able to find a single distinguishing marking: A swirl, just like the one on the back of his jacket. Knowing that this wasn't a marking that Konoha put on any of its devices, Naruto cracked open the launcher to inspect the inside.

Inside the launcher, Naruto found a whole supply of well-preserved kunai, a seeming stroke of luck, given the depleted state of all of his wares. Picking a few up, Naruto could immediately tell that these kunai were not of the same standard that was used back in Konoha. The blades were thinner and slightly longer, with a noticeably longer handle wrapped in what appeared to be two alternating strips of material, one resembling a grip tape and one similar to sealing paper. The ring at the end seemed to be about the same size as the ones used by Konoha, and the kunai looked like it could a bit of tender love and care.

Deciding that foreign kunai in surprisingly decent condition were better than no kunai at all, Naruto removed the rest of the kunai from the launcher and set them carefully in his pouch before continuing on his quest to Yu no Kuni.

**Konohagakure– 9 hours since Uzumaki Naruto left to fight Pain**

The Konan clone found herself tied to an awfully cliché folding chair in an awfully cliché dark room with an awfully cliché single light hanging above her, flicker in quite the cliché manner. The building must have been on the outskirts of the village, seeing as it seemed mostly intact. The clone could only guess that the building had been supplied with a generator, since she very much doubted that the power lines that had once crisscrossed the village were still functioning.

The door to the room finally opened after what seemed like almost an hour and in walked the pink haired girl from earlier. The rage from earlier seemed to have faded, replaced by a grim determination. Looking at her prisoner, Sakura opened her mouth to speak.

"The Hokage is up and ready to return to duty, but hasn't been fully briefed on the situation, so you're going to tell me what you wanted to tell her, and I'll be delivering the information personally when I go to clear her to leave the care ward." Sakura told the blue haired devil. She wanted nothing to do with the woman, and was actively debating the value of the information versus the satisfaction she'd get from avenging her friend, Naruto.

The situation certainly wasn't optimal, but Konan proceeded to tell the younger kunoichi everything she knew about the masked man who referred to himself as Uchiha Madara. From what she knew of his interactions in the mist, to his abilities, to the very way that the man operated, the clone spilled everything she knew about the man and the organization that Akatsuki had become. The original wouldn't be back to her once home for quite some time anyway, much like the blond she was covering for.

When she was done, Sakura confirmed that that was all she had to say. Upon giving her confirmation, she was surprised by being splashed in the face and then soaked all over by liquid from a container that the younger girl had picked up.

"This smells like...!"

"Yeah," Sakura replied detachedly, "it's generator fuel. I know you're just a clone and all, but I think maybe I'll feel better after this." Later Sakura would wonder what came over her that she would act in such a manner, but at that moment, she was blinded by her fury. That fury would, down the road, disgust Sakura, but just this once, she would indulge herself.

The metallic click of a lighter opening heralded the paper clone bursting into flames. The fuel wasn't even necessary. As she watched the inferno, Sakura could only realize that she didn't feel better at all. This wasn't what Naruto would have wanted. This was the very kind of thing he fought so hard against. Whispering an apology she was sure wouldn't be heard.

The reality was that the apology was heard, and miles away, the original Konan couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor girl. Perhaps it was the speech that Naruto had delivered to her and Nagato, but seeing the cycle of hatred perpetuated brought her nothing but sadness. At the very least, she could say that any hatred directed at the Akatsuki was probably deserved. There would not likely be anyone that would feel bad for or avenge the folks in the red clouds.

-line break-

_And so we have the end of the first chapter. I hate to be such a review whore, but they really do help me to know what you like or dislike about the story. Even just a quick "good job" or "bad job" is helpful, and statements such as "quit complaining about how cheap your beer is and drink it, you pussy" will probably brighten my day as well. Later chapters will definitely not be taking themselves nearly as seriously as this one, but sometimes you need to start a lighthearted journey with a bit of a kick. Not really much humor to be had about leaving all you've ever cared about behind, now is there?_


	2. In Which the Story Gets Rolling

Chapter 2 : In Which the Story Gets Rolling

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, chances are I never will own Naruto, and if I were the mangaka, you'd all have to deal with some pretty awful drawings. Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto_

_The second half of this chapter was written while listening to the American Wedding soundtrack and drinking cheap beers, so hopefully no one expects it to be incredibly serious. That wasn't the goal I had in mind when I decided to write this story. I feel like there's a lack of lighthearted storytelling lately, and this is just a humble attempt at bringing some of that back._

_You know what I hate? When you're drinking some beers and having a good old time,and drunk you decides: well, maybe it's whiskey time. A few pulls of whiskey later, drunker you decides that it's time for some good old grain alcohol. You break out the bottle of everclear (because you always have some everclear in reserve, obviously), and next thing you know, you're being carried home by one of your friends from a local fast food restaurant. And you think to yourself: "Damn, with all that alcohol, I really didn't need the extra 300 calories in that burrito." Which you only know you purchased because of your habit of holding onto all of your receipts. _

_Once again hoping that you can afford better booze than I can, here's the chapter:_

**Some Village in Yu no Kuni – 2 days since Naruto left to fight Pain**

It was the first village that Naruto had come across since he crossed the border into Yu no Kuni. The town seemed to be a fairly pleasant one. People smiled at him without knowing him and kindly gave him directions to the nearest café. He had left his wallet with the toads, so a quick summon later and Naruto had all of the money that he had to his name. Years of growing up poor had gotten Naruto into the habit of carrying most of his money on him, and the ability to summon had simply given him a way to have access to it all without chance of losing it. Given Naruto's recent history of taking back to back missions coupled with his stingy lifestyle, it would be sometime before hunting, camping, and doing odd jobs became an absolute necessity, though he was likely to do all of those things regularly anyway.

Sitting down, Naruto ordered a drink that he couldn't pronounce. Wondering what this "moe-chah frapu-see-no" was and whether or not he would enjoy it. Naruto began to tap his foot to a song that the girl at the front counter had playing on her portable radio. He was enjoying the atmosphere of this café. It wasn't the kind of thing that you got when you lived in a military village. Konoha had been around for so long that most of the recreational areas were outdated, and renovation was generally looked over in favor of military development. Outside, children laughed and played games of tag, and all around him civilians discussed the week's happenings without a care. He had been to a few places like this one with Jiraiya, but the old man had generally preferred more traditional places to suit his older tastes.

And whore houses. Lots of whore houses.

There certainly didn't immediately seem to be any of that around here, though you never could be too sure. Sometimes nice places had seedier underbellies than places that struck you straight out of the gate as hives of scum. Still, Naruto had seen many such places with the old toad sage, and he didn't see any of the signs of that here, not that he was the most perceptive.

Receiving his drink, he took a sip of the chilled beverage, remarking on its bitterness, when the bell on the door rang, signaling a new customer. Thinking nothing of it, Naruto went back to his drink, hoping that it would grow on him and that he hadn't just wasted money on this beverage. He would have finished it regardless, it would just lessen the blow if he didn't have to keep trying drinks until he found one that he liked, because he would, believe it.

A commotion from the front counter drew his attention. It would seem that the new customer, a man wearing a mask and a slashed mist forehead protector, had drawn a katana and leveled it at the lady behind the counter. Turning back to his drink, Naruto took another sip and hummed a note or two before spitting out the beverage.

The new customer, who, in retrospect likely wasn't a customer at all, had drawn a katana and leveled it at the lady behind the counter!

"If you don't give me all of the money in the register, I swear to whoever is listening that I will take your fucking head off!"

"Please sir, I don't want any trouble, but I can't open the register without an order," the lady pleaded. She was clearly panicked, or she probably would have just rung up some random order to open the register.

"Then I'll have…" the man trailed off, "a Mocha Frappuccino – for free!"

Ah, so that was how you said that. Well, that was enough of that. Standing up, Naruto walked calmly over to the man, drawing one of those weird kunai from his pouch as he walked up. Without his forehead protector on, Naruto felt kind of weird going into battle, but this was an emergency. Really, he shouldn't even have been going into battle at all, seeing as he was trying to lay low, but that thought didn't even cross his mind, simple as it was.

When he was about an arm's reach from the man, the would-be robber took notice of him and swung his sword at him to the gasps of the café's patrons. Naruto intercepted with the kunai, surprised at how slow and week the swing was. Was this guy some sort of screw-up genin runaway ninja or something?

"Back down or I'll chop your goddamn head off!" The man yelled, much to Naruto's irritation. Being that loud in such a small room was annoying. The irony and hypocrisy of his annoyance was entirely lost on the blond. Seeing as this man seemed so weak, Naruto decided to try something that he had once seen Asuma do and began to channel wind chakra into the blade.

The effect was immediate, though not entirely what he expected. He felt the handle of the kunai grow slightly warm in his hand before a screeching sound, much like the sound made by his rasenshuriken, began to pick up, filling the room with its painful wails. Along the front edge of the kunai, the side he was parrying with, a white glow came about. Naruto then noticed that that edge seemed sharper than the rear edge, which Naruto was sure was still sharp enough to cut. All hell broke loose however, when tiny teeth made of wind chakra formed themselves along the edge and began to move up the edge, soon becoming too fast for the eye to see.

Without Naruto exerting any forward effort, the kunai cut right through the sword, much to the shock of the missing nin.

"That blade was of the highest quality forged steel… what the hell are you?" He asked, quivering in what seemed to be fear before fleeing out the door, right past an old man who was standing inside the doorway staring at the scene in shock. Naruto, however was just staring at the blade, which had since stopped its insane wailing.

"_Damn that was cool," _Naruto thought, looking at the knife. It was then that the old man in the door began to speak in awe.

"That knife… that swirl on your coat… What is your name, shinobi?" He asked, trembling.

Knowing that he couldn't use his own name as he was running away from home, Naruto made up a name and blurted out the first one that came to mind.

"My name is Namikaze Sasuke."

Indeterminate Location – Indeterminate Time

"Tell me a bedtime story, grandpa." A young boy demanded innocently. The boy had just been tucked into bed and as his grandpa pulled over a chair and sat down, the boy knew that he was going to be getting exactly what he wanted.

"Well how about I tell you the story of the two looniest clans of ninja to ever live, kiddo?" The grandpa asked. Even if the kid wanted a different story, that was going to be the one that he got. He was happy when the boy agreed that he would listen to the story of the crazy shinobi families, because that was really the only story that the old man had that could be told in a way that was child friendly. The story of how grandpa met grandma was decidedly X rated and not something that a growing boy's ears should be exposed to.

"The first clan was the Uzumaki. The Uzumaki were generally viewed by all that met them as nuts. The Uzumaki lived longer than anyone else did naturally, so they tended to get a few to many miles on them before they were ready to take it easy like your old gramps here. Living as a ninja will make even normal people a bit crazy, see, and these guys did it for longer than anyone else, and then raised their kids crazy too. These people were all over the place, bouncing off the walls they had so much energy," he was fairly certain he shouldn't tell the kid what they were actually doing with all of that energy, so he just didn't.

"Then there were the Namikaze. Now, most of the people that have met a Namikaze would tell you that they were completely normal, but here's the thing: they were so crazy that they made the Uzumaki look sedate if you knew how to look. You see, if a wheel is spinning at the right speed, under the right light, or on film like in those movie pictures you kids love so much, it will look like its moving backwards, or not at all. The Namikaze were so crazy that they seemed to be incredibly calm and collected."

"What if you put them together, grandpa?" The boy asked.

"God help us. God help us every one," the old man shivered as if a chill had just passed through the room, "however, that shouldn't be a problem. You see, the last member of the Namikaze clan was the Yondaime Hokage, and the Uzumaki clan is scattered to the wind."

"Like you, Grandpa?"

"Yes, it's been a long time since my time in Uzu no Kuni, kiddo, but I will tell you this: when I was growing up, and they wanted to scare us before we went to bed, they would tell us stories of a blond Namikaze man, with the soft Uzumaki face, wearing the Uzumaki spirals. This legend would be a master of the Uzumaki sealing techniques, with the versatility of the Namikaze. He was immortal, they would say. And he was always looking for children misbehaving, and when they slept *gurk*," he said, drawing his thumb across his throat.

Some Village in Yu no Kuni – 2 days since Naruto left to fight Pain

Naruto was more than a bit surprised when a teen in the café got up from his seat, shrieking in terror, before running to the exit, knocking over everything in his path, though he didn't let it show.

"So, uh, got any odd jobs you need done around town? I'm great with kids and work real cheap."

The old man just continued to stare at the blond before snapping back to reality and addressing the apparent youth.

"Sir, I do believe that I have some things that are rightfully yours, if you would have them, Namikaze-sama," the man said. Naruto was rather confused, but shrugged and decided that he would follow the man as he led him to what appeared to be his home.

Once inside, the man set water to boil for making tea before going down a set of stairs into a basement, returning moments later with a chest. Opening it, he revealed a white zip up combat shirt much like the one that Sasuke had been last spotted wearing according to intel, though it had a smaller collar, with a V cut in the collar in the front rather than the high collar coming full circle like Sasuke favored. An orange spiral adorned the back, much like the red one on his jacket. A pair of black shinobi pants with an orange belt and a black pair of fingerless gloves completed the set. Naruto grimaced at the way that the outfit reminded him of Sasuke.

"Is something wrong, sir?" the old man asked.

"It's nothing; it's just that this whole get up reminded me of times that I wish I could forget sometimes," Naruto told the man, picking up the garments.

"I'll leave you here with these, then. They are yours, after all," the man said, making a hasty retreat from the room.

Naruto took another look at the outfit in the chest. Aside from the symbol on the back, Naruto had no idea why the man was giving this to him. He knew that he needed to change his get-up if he didn't want to get caught, but this outfit wasn't really his style. Pulling out a kunai, Naruto cut the short sleeves off of the shirt. He would have preferred long sleeves for going into battle, but failing that, he supposed he'd follow Sakura's example and just do away with sleeves altogether. As he got changed into the outfit, he took note that the pants were a bit baggy and taped up the ends at his ankles. In contrast, the shirt was tight, though soft. It would do fine for future combat, and hopefully there wouldn't be reports reaching Konoha any time soon of a blond haired ninja wearing large amounts of orange. At the bottom of the crate he found a scroll that intrigued him.

The scroll was obviously a small sealing scroll, no bigger than a kunai, but when Naruto attempted to unseal it; he was met with no response. Putting the scroll away in his pouch, Naruto walked out of the room to see the old man outside greeting him with a fresh cup of tea.

"You know, this village seems a lot kinder than many of the villages that I've visited in the past. It's nice to come to a place like this every now and then, old man," Naruto told the man. At first the old man seemed very surprised by his words, and took a moment to compose his response.

"Well, I thank you for your kind words, sir, and we can't all look young like you forever. Our town is just a humble little village that enjoys its peace." Naruto thought that that was an odd way to word it, but he was right. Hell, Naruto would hopefully someday grow as old as this man as well. Maybe once Tobi was stopped he could live a peaceful life, though he doubted that he'd really be in the running for Hokage anymore what with the whole "runaway" stunt.

"Hah, it would be nice if there were more towns like this one out there. I don't think people understand how nice peace can be. I do know that it's nothing that I've ever had. I think that it's about time I got out of your hair. Trouble always follows me, and I would hate for you all to get caught in the crossfire. You guys deserve better than that," Naruto said. It was true; most of the towns that he and Jiraiya had visited on their training journey had been chaotic places inhabited by cutthroats. A place like this was a welcome difference, but he knew it was only a matter of time before his life caught up to him if he stayed in one place, and he couldn't have that, especially not somewhere so peaceful.

It wasn't what he wanted, but it was time to move on to the next chapter in his story.

Unnamed Village Gate – 3 days since Uzumaki Naruto left to fight Pain

As Naruto walked off into the distance, the younger teen who had run off screaming from the café turned towards the village elder with a massively relieved look on his face.

"That was really him, wasn't it? The real deal?" He asked, still trembling slightly. The old man took a deep breath and sighed before turning to the much younger man. He to still had a slight tremble to him.

"Yes, son, I do believe that that was," He told the boy, "Be thankful that you are still breathing my boy. That was almost definitely the Uzu no Yuurei. The Spirit of the Vortex, in all legends, was never known to leave without a fight, but when he talked about the past, he seemed almost melancholy. It seemed like he held much regret, and for a being that old, there must be much to regret. I sure know I have my own, and I grew up with tales of his legend. Age must have calmed him, only reason I can think of that a shitty kid like you is still breathing," he told the boy, trying to make humor of the situation but still shaking and speaking quietly.

"Not funny old man," the boy said, not finding the humor in it, "seriously not funny."

On the Road Again– 3 days since Uzumaki Naruto left to fight Pain

Before leaving town, the elder had suggested that Naruto head east to the coast, which had been his plan in the first place regardless. As he gathered his bearings and set out on the road again, heading for the village that the elder had told him about. The elder had told Naruto of a contact that he had there that would be obliged to lend some assistance. Naruto couldn't for the life of him figure out why, but figured that at this stage that he would take any assistance that he could get. He only hoped that this town would be a bit more normal than the one that he had just come from. Naruto was used to hatred, indifference, and in recent history, normalcy. He was in no way used to the awkward way in which the people in that town had treated him.

It was a fairly innocuous set of instructions that the elder had given him: go to the coastal town due almost directly east, find the head of the local fisherman's guild, give him his "name" and tell him that the elder had sent him. He had nothing better to do and decided to follow the directions given to him by the elder. It wasn't like he was a ninja and could have been walking into a trap, right?

Konohagakure– 3 days since Uzumaki Naruto left to fight Pain

"Sasuke, why do we have to be here? This is terribly risky and a horrible idea! You are one of the most well-known missing ninja from this hidden village aside from the people that _you_ killed. I thought you were gonna destroy this place," Karin whispered harshly to Sasuke as he returned from whatever it was that he had been doing. She wasn't very comfortable with the idea of visiting Konoha, even given the tattered state of the village. It was still literally the definition of hostile territory.

"Yeah, what's up Sasuke? Stopping by for the funeral service?" Suigetsu asked, sneering with his sarcasm as he often did. He was uncomfortable without the Kubikiribocho, but the blade was too easily recognizable to be carried into the village. Suigetsu himself was under a fairly complex genjutsu that Sasuke had ordered Karin to maintain while he went about his business. Of course this meant that Karin had taken it upon herself to give the illusionary Suigetsu a fairly awkward pencil mustache along his upper lip.

"Yeah, what was that about? I heard someone say that it's for the guy who beat Pain in that last village we came through on the way here. Someone beat that monster ninja?" Karin asked. Their interactions with the Akatsuki had been limited to what could be called contracting work, but that hadn't prevented them from meeting the figurehead leader of the Akatsuki, Pain. Karin, with her sensor abilities, had been able to sense that the Pain they met was being manipulated remotely through the use of chakra and that there had been at least five others being remotely manipulated as such. Any ninja who could take on seven such enemies had to be of the highest caliber. The thought scared her more than a little bit, especially if Madara was so strong that Pain was one of his pawns.

"Yeah, apparently it was some guy named 'Naruto', must've been a pretty beastly shinobi, if you ask me," Suigetsu responded, pencil mustache twitching with his smirk, shark teeth showing through his grin.

"I took care of Danzou and the elders. We'll wait until we see how Konoha handles their deaths before we decide what to do with the rest of the village. They seem to be rebuilding fairly well. And I did stop by the service for Naruto briefly. Just had to make sure of something," Sasuke said.

"You knew the guy?" Suigetsu asked.

"He was on my genin team, and there hasn't been a body found, so I'm inclined to say that I still do know him. If there is one thing that I've learned, it's that Naruto never learned how to die. He never learned a lot of other things either, but he definitely never learned how to die," Sasuke told his team, getting a nod of approval from Juugo.

"Shit Sasuke, what kind of a monster genin team did they build with you guys anyway?" Suigetsu asked.

"Me, a useless girl, and the academy's dead last student. It wasn't the greatest of teams."

"Wait, your dead-last just beat Pain? Who pulls out a power like that out of nowhere? Normal people can't do things like that. Almost sounds like the guy was a Namikaze." Suigetsu exclaimed, eliciting a nervous shiver from Karin.

"Don't even joke about things like that, you dunce," she berated, "that clan is dead, don't even suggest that they're still around."

Not knowing exactly what the two were bickering about, Sasuke couldn't help but steal a glance at the face of the Fourth Hokage on the mountain and chuckle while thinking about his blond teammate from times long past.

Konohagakure Village Square– 3 days since Uzumaki Naruto left to fight Pain

"Shimura Danzou has been found dead in his home! The village advisors Homura and Koharu too!" a man exclaimed, running into the square. Immediately all of those around him began chatting animatedly. "A note was found on each of their bodies, saying that it was the work of 'The Avenger'!"

"Well finally! Took long enough! I was wondering when someone was going to get around to that. The Avenger , huh?"

"Damn, wish I could've done that myself."

"Three cheers for The Avenger! Hip hip hooray! I can see the headlines now: The Avenger cleanses Konoha of corruption!"

"Hey, aren't we supposed to be mourning Naruto-sama?" one villager chimed in, confusedly.

"Dude, he's totally still alive. Get your head out of your ass, man," another told him admonishingly.

"Oh yeah, almost forgot. Sorry 'bout that, dude's probably out saving the world in secret," the first villager replied sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head like Naruto used to, a habit many Konoha villagers had taken up in emulation of their hero. "By the way, you all realize that The Avenger is probably just Uchiha Sasuke, right?"

"Haha, maybe the kid's not all bad after all!"

Hokage's Office– 3 days since Uzumaki Naruto left to fight Pain

Tsunade looked out over her village, saddened just likeall the others mourning the loss of their lovable blond jinchuuriki, Uzumaki Naruto. It had been three of the longest days in her life, right there with the old wounds left by Dan and Nawaki all of those years earlier. She had taken to not using her illusion to appear young and her age was showing. The crow's feet extending from her eyes exuded a sense of exhaustion. Her apprentice seemed to have taken it in a different way, though.

In just a few days, six of Konoha's training grounds had been obliterated. Sakura had decided that, perhaps if she was more powerful, she could have helped her teammate, and was never going to let herself fail her friends ever again. Her training, however, was getting costly. If it weren't for Yamato being able to fix training grounds, Konoha would be seriously short on grounds very soon.

Speaking of Yamato, the man had been a godsend in rebuilding the village. Basic construction had taken all of the first day, and now buildings were being wired up and vented by the proper professionals. If nothing else, having this chance to completely renovate most of the village would see Konoha returning more efficient than it ever had been in the past. Buildings would be equipped with newer standards, and the village would be stronger than it had been, except for the loss of their favorite blonde, a price that Tsunade was unwilling to have ever paid.

"Master," Sakura declared, barging into the office unannounced, "it's offensive! It's like the villagers don't even care that Naruto is gone! Even after everything he did for all of us. It just makes me so mad!" she said, gripping the chair across the desk from Tsunade so tightly that the older woman could see the wood splintering under the younger's grip. Excellent. That was the third today. Yamato would need to make her yet another new chair.

"I know, Sakura, I know. Some people just don't understand. Here," she said, pulling one of her bottles of sake out of a drawer on her desk and handing it to her apprentice, but not before pouring a bit on the floor of the office, "to Naruto. I hope wherever you are now is nicer than it is here."

As she poured her drink down her throat ruthlessly, the Hokage almost coughed at the bitter taste of her drink. Sake was bitter enough normally. The added bitterness of a death almost made the drink too much, but experience had taught the woman that any problem could be pushed off effectively enough if you poured enough alcohol on it. She had almost forgotten what it felt like to drown woes in booze, but it seemed that life wouldn't let her have that anytime soon.

Maybe it would be time to retire soon. Kakashi was experienced enough, and he was older than the Fourth had been when he was made Hokage. It wasn't quite time, but sooner than later it would be time for her to hand down the hat, and then she would travel for a while again. She only hoped that Shizune would be willing to take care of her like she had in the old days.

**Is Naruto going to be okay? Will people keep mistaking him for badass? What's the deal with Sasuke? Will Tsunade and Sakura find out that Naruto is okay? What will they do if they find out? Is Naruto walking into a trap? How are the villagers so damn genre savvy? Find out the answers to almost none of these questions next time on: ****The Journey of a Lifetime****.**

_I intend to try and release one chapter per week, though next week's chapter may come a bit late as I will be out in the woods for a sizable portion of these next seven days. I will still be working on this before and after, but there will be simply no way to while out in the woods within reason. It's not very good survivalist work if you're reliant on a cellphone or, even worse, a laptop computer. I will be using neither of these for the duration._

_I have a blog at __** .com **__for any progress work on these chapters that I will be beginning to use to post work in progress and any one-shots that I end up writing as well as any scenes that I decide don't fit with the rest of this story. Probably some Omake's too, though those will likely make their way into the ends of the posted chapters. Like now:_

**Omake: Mistaken for Frat-ass**

_This was an idea that I had while I was running one day. I thought that it might be funny to throw into the story but ultimately decided that it had absolutely no place in it. I share this with you._

When Naruto woke up that morning at a bright and early Ten Thirty p.m. , he was almost sure that he was still drunk, and that, even if he had only drank the amount of alcohol he remembered drinking, he should probably have died. He supposed that having the spirit and energy of a near immortal fox demon in his stomach was good for something every now and then.

He had been a bit disturbed at first by the level of binge drinking at this "college" place that he had come across in his travels, but a night or two (he honestly couldn't tell whether it was one night or two) had convinced him that the place was alright. The people here had taught him so many great lessons. He had heard Jiraiya regularly complain about hangovers during their travels, but who knew that there was a cure for those things that had regularly incapacitated a Sannin. According to the helpful guys wearing the weird symbols on their shirts, the cure was simply to drink more alcohol. It seemed counter intuitive to Naruto, but he supposed that these guys knew best.

Realizing that he too would be in danger of one of these "hangovers" soon (he wouldn't thanks to the fox, but he didn't know that), he set off in search of more booze to consume. He eventually came across metal barrel that the party goers seemed to be filling their cups from. He tried briefly to figure out the contraption before he gave up and lifted the whole barrel. There didn't seem to be a hole for him to drink out of, as he had unknowingly knocked the tap off of the barrel and onto the floor, so he drew his kunai and stabbed a hole into the side of the barrel before drinking the contents. It was difficult to drink all of it, but he was a ninja, damn it, and he didn't stop anything half way.

Finishing the barrel he turned to see all of the other party goers staring at him in awe.

"What the…" One trailed off.

"That's impossible," another started but never finished his thought.

"Holy shit, bro! Dude just shotgunned a keg!" One finally exclaimed before rushing over to the now very intoxicated demon container. "What is your name, bro? It shall go down in history!"

"Nuh…ruh…toh" Naruto responded before wobbling off, deciding that it would be best for his health in both the short and the long term if he distanced himself from this place as quickly as possible. There was no way that, outside of a poisoning, that any person should feel as loopy as he did at that moment. As he left, all of the party goers watched him leave in awe.

"Did he just say…" The man wondered to himself and those around him, "Nu Rho Tau?"

"Do you really think that it was him?" another young man asked the first.

"You just saw him shotgun a keg, bro," the first responded, "That was definitely him. The legendary Frat Boy. I am so honored. I will remember this day for the rest of my life. Maybe."

The End

_This was never going to make it into the real story; I knew that from the moment I thought it up. But every now and then, you just need to have fun with something like this. I know that there is a lot of anti fraternity sentiment in the youth of America today, but from my observation, people are just being stupid. Frat boys are douchebags? All boys are douchebags, all girls are bitches, at least in some capacity. Don't believe me? Take a moment and think about everything that everyone does, but remove affiliation from it. So some frat boy looks down on you because he's an elitist? Well a hipster is going to look down on you because you don't like the shitty music that he does, read the philosophers that he does (fuck you Descartes), and drink a beer that isn't PBR. Keep an open mind to all groups in life and you'll have an easier time of it. _


End file.
