Harry Potter 1. GrownUp

**Title: **Too Far Gone

**Summary: **It's Lily and James's seventh year… what awaits them?

**Rating: **R (for sensitive topics and character deaths)

**Disclaimer: **I am not JK Rowling. I am not making any money from this; it is just something I enjoy to do. The plot is MINE and mine alone, contrary to what other writers may believe.

**Too Far Gone**

**CH: 1- Grown-Up**

Lily was going back to Hogwarts, her home, and her life. She couldn't wait to see who would be Head Boy to her Head Girl. This would be the person she would work with constantly for the entire year; they would spend all their time together and even live together. She was so excited that she could burst.

In her opinion it had to be Brandon Lawrence, a Ravenclaw, or Remus Lupin, a fellow Gryffindor. They were the only two male prefects that she thought could handle the position. She walked down the crowded hallway of the train, making her way back to the Head's compartment. The only person that she hoped it wasn't was…

"James Potter," she groaned as she opened the door.

James was sitting in a comfortable looking armchair with his transfiguration book in his lap. He looked up at her and then grinned widely. She avoided eye contact and tried to calm her temper so she wouldn't say anything rude. He didn't deserve to be yelled at after what he had done for her in June, but she couldn't look him in the eye either. Instead Lily quietly surveyed the compartment, trying to avoid any conversation with him. The compartment had two large cushiony chairs and solid mahogany walls. It all exuded warmth, comfort and the prestige of their station.

"I knew you would be Head Girl," he said, breaking the silence. Lily said nothing as she put her luggage in the rack above the unoccupied chair across from James. Then she turned on him, no longer being able to reign in her temper.

"Let's get a few things straight Potter," she said softly, "This arrangement doesn't mean that I have to like you. Just because we share a dorm and have to live with each other for the next few months, it doesn't mean I will fall for your charms as I have in the past." But even as she said these words she couldn't help but notice how handsome he was. Yes, she thought, handsome and arrogant. He had used all of those things against her in the past several years and she was adamant in her decision that he wouldn't sway her again. Not after the events last June, she couldn't afford to be lied to again, not by James.

"All right Evans," he agreed and then went back to his book without a fuss.

Lily was startled; she had expected him to either complain or flirt with her or even try to kiss her like he usually did, but to agree with her and then dismiss her was something completely new and she didn't know how to handle it. It was if the James Potter she knew had died and something had taken his place, something that was polite and… devoid of that spark of light and humor that made him so wonderfully easy to hate and like all at the same time. He was someone new entirely and she wasn't sure if it was a relief or not.

"By the way Evans," James said putting his book back in his lap, "Dumbledore has sent a list of things that we need to do this year. We can work on them now or later if you like."

Lord she was beautiful. The way the sun caught her hair and turn it to liquid fire brought a groan from deep inside him. And her eyes… boy did she have the most beautiful eyes. They were emerald green and so deep that he wanted to lose himself in them. He had lost himself in them the moment that he had first met her. Her eyes had captivated him, and stolen his heart forever, even if she wouldn't admit it. His heart ached for what he had lost last year, all because he couldn't keep his damn mouth shut. He sighed and picked up the list since she wasn't making any move to do so.

"Where are the other Marauders?" Lily asked, trying to sound casual as she looked over the list. If they were around she had better find out soon, so she was prepared when they made their invasion. The marauders weren't like other boys, they were more… she couldn't seem to find a word to describe the marauders. They were exciting, fun-loving and very, very arrogant. Lily couldn't believe how little they cared for rules, as they seemed to break them on a daily basis. They must have held the Hogwarts record for most detentions. James said something then that Lily didn't quite catch.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Lily asked, almost embarrassed that she had zoned out.

"They have disowned me for becoming Head Boy," he repeated with a grin. Lily's eyes went wide as though she took him seriously. To her it seemed like something they would do. After all breaking the rules was their creed… apart from Remus that was.

"Really?" she asked. James couldn't help it he began to laugh.

"Of course not, Moony thinks that Dumbledore has put me in this position so that I will grow up, but what they don't realize is that I did quite a lot of growing up over the summer holidays," he confided and then winked at her. Lily's face flushed and she grinned in spite of herself.

Yes, he had grown up quite a bit. But how much was the question. Had he learned his lesson from the previous year? Would he finally learn that she wasn't just a play toy or that she had feelings just like he did? She sighed, of course he wouldn't. Just then the door opened and Severus Snape stood in the doorway. "Well, if it isn't Potter and the Mud-blood. Head Boy and Girl? This school has gone to hell," he announced.

James just sat in his seat, his hand clenched tight around his wand, knowing that if he said anything about Lily, James would hex him in a second. Instead of saying something rude Snape stared at Lily as if he had just seen her for the first time. His eyes rolled over her in appreciation, lingering in certain areas that James didn't approve of. He smiled coldly at them both as he began to leave.

"You are growing up nicely Evans, keep up the good work." Then he left.

James was holding his wand so tightly it could have snapped any second. He turned to Lily, to see if she had understood what was implied. She had understood very clearly, or so it seemed. Her arms were wrapped tightly around herself and she looked as if she were going to be sick. James wanted to throw up himself, as a matter of fact, but her welfare was more important than his own.

"Lily?" he asked softly. Her head jerked up. He hadn't called her by her first name since June. It had been when she had come to see him in the hospital wing, she had been so uncomfortable after it, that she had ignored him for the remaining month of term and she hadn't answered any of his owls. Before last year though, he had only used her name jokingly, when he was being his most charming self, it was uncomfortable now to be reminded of the past. He seemed to have realized what he had done and he sat up straight.

Of course, he thought wryly, he was back to being Potter again. He had saved her life, proclaimed his love and had scared her out of her wits. She didn't want his unconditional love, she hadn't been ready for it and he had scared her off, probably forever. He decided to play it cool for now, until she was ready to talk about what had happened three months ago.

"How are you Evans? Are you all right?"

Lily nodded and then took a deep breath. Snape made her sick to her stomach. The way he had looked at her and then smirked in that knowing way, as if he knew what was under her clothing made her shiver. What had happened to all those years ago when they had been friends? Had Tabitha's death really changed him that much?

"I'm fine Potter, just fine." She flinched after she said it. It wasn't James's fault that Snape had made her feel uncomfortable and dirty, he hadn't looked at her as if he could see under her clothing. She just felt better snapping at him, for some strange reason she gained control of her feelings when she put James down. It made her feel terrible, but she wouldn't tell him that.

James backed off, knowing that he wasn't going to be of any help. The door opened again, but this time it was Alice Turner and Frank Longbottom in the doorway.

"Did you guys want to come join us in the other compartment? You should be nearly done with your duties right?" Frank asked. James looked to Lily; she didn't look in the mood to go visit anyone quite yet.

"Give us a little more time, we still have a few things to discuss," James said and Alice stepped in for a moment.

"Lily, we have butterbeer and Honeyduke's chocolate. When you guys are done you really should come join us, Erin is flirting up a storm with Remus and he is turning colors I've never seen before!" Alice joked and then hugged her friend tightly. Lily smiled at her best friend and then nodded. Alice always made her relax because she had such an open friendliness that you couldn't help but love her.

"We'll be there in a few minutes." Alice and Frank left hand in hand and Lily smiled at James.

"They have liked each other for such a long time, I don't know why it took them so long," she sighed then and looked at her hands. She remembered the feel of her own arms wrapped around James, but she pushed the thought out of her mind, it was too painful.

"What else do we need to go over?"

James picked up the list again and read through it quickly. "These are all thing we can do tonight in our dorm. Let's go join the festivities," he said and stood up, waiting for her to stand as well. She followed him out the door looking forward to the butterbeer and chocolate. She smiled to herself a bit, women always craved chocolate when they were depressed, must be the endorphins. With the thought of happy vitamins to look forward to Lily managed to give forth a real smile.

As they got into the marauders compartment Lily realized how much she had missed all of her friends over the summer holidays. With only Petunia to speak to, things got really lonely really fast. What had hurt even more was the way Levi had treated her, but she had to deal with that, because she knew that it would have been wrong to stay with him. Not after what had happened between her and James the previous year. It would have been too painful to try to work things out when she hadn't been faithful to him. Levi couldn't understand her bizarre relationship with James, but neither could she. It seemed as though the more she tried to hate him the more attracted to him she was.

Lily was nearly knocked to the floor a second later as a mass of black hair attacked her. Erin was a very petite girl with long waist length black hair and dazzling blue eyes. She was also the prettiest girl Lily had ever seen outside of a magazine. Erin seemed to ooze sex appeal and mystery with every glance, and she wielded it as a weapon. It made Lily and Alice feel sorry for the boys she dated, but they couldn't help but love the wild child that she was.

"Lily!" Erin shrieked and hugged her friend tightly. Lily returned the hug and smiled at everyone. The air in the room was so jovial and friendly that anyone walking by would have wanted to stop in. In fact, many students passing by did stop in to say hello to the marauders. For all their faults they were well liked by the student body, apart from the Slytherin's.

Sirius grabbed a bunch of cold butterbeers and passed them out to everyone. Lily took one hesitantly, not sure if he had done anything to it, she wouldn't put is past him. She had never liked him much, mostly because he was too much like James, arrogant conceited and a playboy. But if James could grow up maybe Sirius could too… yeah, and a pig was flying around their compartment.

"Quiet everyone; I want to propose a toast!" Sirius proclaimed. Everyone turned to him, his impromptu toasts usually ended with a dirty limerick or a kiss to the female closest to him. Erin moved away from him quickly in that eventuality. "To the new Head Boy and Girl of Hogwarts and the sneakiest son of a bitch I know! Here's to you James and your last shot at winning Evan's heart," Sirius said and everyone laughed and drank except Lily. Her heated gaze could have kindled a fire.

"Winning my heart? Is this a game to you Sirius?" Lily asked furiously. She didn't even notice that James looked as if he could kill his best friend and fellow marauder. Sirius looked from James to Lily and then shrugged his shoulders and tossed back the rest of his drink.

"Guess not," he replied and then walked over to talk to Remus.

"I'm really sorry about that Evans. I had no idea that he would do that and embarrass you," James said apologetically. Lily turned on him.

"What are you saying he didn't embarrass you?" she flung at him. She didn't seem to see that the entire group of people was slowly shutting up to listen to their fight. It was such a common thing to see between them, and yet no one ever got tired of their heated debates. They always seemed to put on a show bigger than the last, although those who had seen the last real "show" between them in Hogsmeade last June knew that nothing could really top it. Her impromptu entrance and the sparks that had flown afterwards had been intense.

"No, but it doesn't matter to me. Sirius has been embarrassing me for years. You are a different matter," he replied cautiously.

"Why am I a different matter?" she demanded. James looked around and saw that now everyone was paying attention to them and it was very disconcerting.

"Because... because..." damn he couldn't say it with everyone watching. He wasn't quite as good at showing his real emotions in public as she was.

"Why is she different Prongs?" Peter called from the back. James glared at him in an "I'll-get-you-later" kind of look. He pulled Lily out into the hallway much to the dismay of all those in the room. As he closed the door Lily realized that they were suddenly alone and it made her uncomfortable. The only thing that ever helped her to relax was to yell at James, and so she began.

"Let go of me!" she demanded and wrenched her arm free.

"It is a different matter because you aren't just a conquest to me, or some girl who I wanted to go with but rejected me. It's you Lily, it always has been and it always will be," he said softly. Well, he thought, at least he hadn't said he loved her.

Lily's eyes shone with tears and she looked down. This was what had destroyed them last year, his intense feelings for her and her inability to let her guard down. NO, it wasn't her fault; she told herself angrily and then turned her eyes back up to his.

"You still have a lot of growing up to do James," she whispered and she walked down to the Head's compartment with her head down and tears spilling down her cheeks.


	2. Startling Revelations

**CH: 2 Startling Revelations**

The dam of tears burst forth from Lily as she closed the compartment door. Why did James have to care about her so much when she couldn't reciprocate the feelings? But was that actually true? She sat down in the chair James had been sitting in previously, his scent still lingered there. She began to think, and think hard about her situation and her feelings. She came to a few conclusions.

The marauders (excluding Peter) were playboys. Each could have any girl they wanted and once they had her, they discarded her quickly. It was the rule of the marauders to not fall in love. Erin had told Lily that after her short but steamy affair with Sirius was over. Lily didn't want to become another conquest of James Potter, another girl to play with and then toss. Her heart wasn't built for that kind of relationship.

Then she remembered everything that had happened in the past two years. When The Death Eaters had taken over Hogsmeade who had wanted her safe and out of harm's way? Who had saved her life by nearly giving up his own? James had always been there for her when she needed him the most… but he hadn't always been able to protect her from everything.

_Lily was furious._

_It had been five months since James had even looked at her and she was sick of it. All she wanted to do was talk to him and tell him how she felt, but no. He had been ignoring her for the first time since she had met him._

_She turned onto Warlock Avenue and saw his familiar form coming from the Three Broomsticks. Her heat jumped into her throat at the sight of him. He had looked so miserable these past few months. Well, she though with determination, I'm about to make him delirious._

"_James Potter!" she yelled. James and several other students (including the marauders) turned to stare at her. Why oh why had she chosen to do this in public? At the sight of his surprised look she strengthened her resolve, she had to do this._

"_What do you want Evans?" he asked softly. The entire street had gone silent as they watched the two of them. They could always count on Lily and James to give them something entertaining to watch._

"_I want you to stop ignoring me," Lily said weakly. It now sounded so stupid, and yet James was walking over to her with his confident stride. Soon he was standing only inches away from her, his eyes looking intently into hers._

"_Repeat what you said," he pleaded. Lily saw the need in his eyes and her temper flared up. Why was he making this so difficult?_

"_You have been ignoring me since Christmas and I'm sick of it," she blurted out. James's eyes went wide and Sirius began to laugh._

"_Hear that Prongs? Evan's wants you to pay attention to her. I suppose that means she doesn't hate you after all," he said grinning like an idiot._

"_Shove off Padfoot," James barked and Lily began to grin. This was the James she knew, he wouldn't take shit from anyone._

"_I broke up with Levi," Lily said suddenly as she focused her eyes on his parted lips. Heat began to creep through her as she remembered the feeling of those lips moving roughly on hers._

"_Why?"_

"_What do you mean why? It's because of you, because of what happened Christmas night," she cried out in frustration. He was making this so hard on her. In her imagination they had already been snogging by now._

"_Do we have to spell it out for you Jamesie?" Remus asked cheerfully, clearly enjoying his friends discomfort._

"_Yeah, we can help you through the steps," Sirius suggested. _

_Without warning she was suddenly in his arms, being held tightly to his chest. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" he asked as he kissed her ear gently. A shiver ran through her at his touch, rendering her speechless for several long moments. She clutched him tightly as her legs started to give way, it wouldn't do to lose her balance now._

"_I want you to kiss me," she finally choked out. A whoop came from the crowd then as her wish came true. His mouth came down upon hers, catching her sigh of happiness._

"_You need help over there Prongs?" Sirius asked. James's didn't come up from his kiss, but he made a rude hand gesture that brought another cheer from the crowd. _

_When they finally broke the kiss Lily knew there were stars in her eyes, but it didn't matter. She was done running from James and what he could give her. Damn, she wanted him to kiss her again._

"_Do you know how long I have waited for this?" James asked in a shaky voice. He was touching her face as if he had never truly seen her before. Lily's heart thudded painfully in her chest. Why did he have to get all romantic on her? Couldn't he just be happy snogging? She was completely ready for the physical aspect of their relationship, but for now, while she sorted out her own feelings, she wasn't ready for the emotional side of it. She didn't want to be lied to when he told her of his feelings, and she didn't want to lie to him._

_James seemed to notice the change in her and his brow creased with worry. "What's wrong?" he asked, brushing a hand through her hair. Lily opened her mouth to speak, not quite sure what to say when a scream interrupted her thoughts…_

_She was sprawled on the floor of the cave that was just outside of Hogsmeade. She took a shaky breath and then coughed violently. Blood was seeping out of the corner of her mouth and her body was throbbing as though it were one large wound. Thoughts were quickly running through her mind then, events of the past few hours. First she had been kissing James, and then the Death Eaters had attacked. James had sent her away to hide, to make sure she stayed safe. He hadn't been there to save her when she had been attacked._

_She blamed him for that. He had always been there to save her, to protect her and yet, when she needed him the most, to save her life, he was nowhere to be seen. "Damn you Potter," she whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks. She had crawled up to the cave, dodging spells and being hit with other ones. She knew that she would be safe once she was hidden. She hadn't been concentrating on getting to the cave though, her focus was on how James had let her down._

_In the tiniest corner of her heart she still held the hope that James would find her here and save her life. He couldn't fail her again, she wouldn't let him. She cried out over and over to him, not out loud but in her mind. "Save me!" she had screamed, but no one seemed to hear her. She was resigning herself to her fate when she heard footsteps. _

"_They are coming to finish me off," she thought miserably, and she rolled her eyes to the entrance of the cave to see the intruder. It was James._

_He crawled to her side and cradled her in his arms, kissing her forehead gently. He said nothing fro several minutes, just cried as he held her tight in his arms. "I thought you were dead," he finally choked out._

"_You didn't save me," Lily whispered in a horrified voice. "You always protect me."_

"_I'm sorry; I didn't want this to happen. I'm here now, I'll protect you now," he whispered tearfully. She was right, he hadn't saved her and she had almost been killed because of it. He shifted her in his arms, trying not to touch her bruised forehead or her bloody arm. He had no idea what the damage was but her robes were literally soaked with blood and her eyes were closing softly._

"_Damn Lily, don't you dare die on me!" he whispered fiercely and he shook her none too gently. Her yes snapped open and rested on his face._

"_It hurts so bad," she cried piteously and coughed again. More blood trickled out of her mouth and James hastily wiped it away. He had seen enough of her blood to last him a lifetime._

"_I know it hurts baby,' he said soothingly as he caressed her cheek. What could he say that would make her wake up, to make her want to live? While he was wrestling with himself, she became slack in his arms, her breathing thinning out. "Lily I…" she wasn't moving. He shook her again, harder this time._

"_Don't you dare die on me!" he cried. "If you die I'll never be able to tell you how much I love you!"_

_Her eyes snapped open then, fear flooding them. James wondered what had scared her, but took her alertness for a good sign. "You mean everything to me, you are my entire world. I'll never be able to go on without you." He was becoming frantic; his talking to her wasn't doing any good._

"Liquidis de vita!_" He said suddenly. It was the incantation to transfer his life blood into her body, to make her live. Color crept back into her cheeks quickly, her eyes opened slowly and she was able to focus on him. She was now very alive, and very awake._

"_Potter, what happened?" she asked worriedly as she noted the paleness of his face._

"_I'm still Potter then?" he teased breathily. He had given her too much blood, too much of his life, he felt lightheaded and nauseated. "The things I do for love," he muttered and before Lily could ask what he meant he leaned down and kissed her hard._

_She was taken back to several hours ago when they had shared their last passionate kiss. That James had been smiling, happy and full of life. This James was pale, cold and dying. _

_The moment their lips broke apart he collapsed against her and instead of pushing him off she pulled him into her lap and held him tightly. He had saved her life and in return she would watch after his. _

They had been rescued from the cave early the next morning and James had been taken to St. Mungo's without hesitation. She had seen him a few days later in the hospital wing, and she had told him that she couldn't be with him, it was too awkward. They hadn't spoken since…

He had only once let her down and yet she was treating him as if he had always lied to her and deceived her. James had let her use him many times and never complained. It was because he cared for her, maybe not loved her, but she could live with that. Couldn't she? No, because she was lying to herself if she believed he didn't love her. Or maybe, he didn't love her anymore… what was the real question?

James heard silence from inside the compartment and breathed a sigh of relief. Well, he thought dryly, at least she wasn't crying anymore. He crossed his fingers and opened the door. Lily was looking as though someone had just hit her with a full body bind curse. As she realized he was in the door, her face flushed brilliantly and she looked down at the floor.

"May I come in to speak with you Evans?" he asked quietly. Lily nodded not trusting herself to speak, knowing that if she did she would start talking and not be able to stop. She had hurt him last year, and now he was hurting her, even if he didn't realize it.

"Look, I'm sorry if what I said in the hallway upset embarrassed or even offended you. In all my life I've never wanted to hurt you..." he broke off and looked at his feet. Damn him, he was just making things worse, he should shut up and leave her alone.

Who was he kidding? He and Lily would never be together, even though his every waking thought (well now that he thought of it, every sleeping thought too) consisted of Lily, and memories of last year, he would never have a chance to prove himself to her. He began to walk out of the compartment cursing himself silently the whole way when Lily cleared her throat.

"Don't go, its okay. I shouldn't have made such a fuss at Sirius's toast. It was stupid really and I'm sure he meant it all in fun. We should form a truce, after all we will be living together for the next year," she said softly.

James's heart leapt. A truce? It was definitely better than nothing and he took her outstretched hand immediately. It was soft and delicate like her and he had to resist the urge to caress it gently. This was his last chance and he wasn't going to throw it away.

All too soon the train stopped at Hogsmeade station and all the students were piling out of the train, most looking hungry and ready for the feast. "This is going to be a good year, right James?" Lily asked as they stood together looking up at Hogwarts castle. James turned to look at her, her thick red hair was shining in the moonlight. Once again memories of last year crept upon him and he resolved not to make the same mistakes again.

"This will be the very best year Evans. You have my word on it."

With that said they got into a carriage with Frank, Alice, Remus and Sirius and were soon being pulled along to the school and the feast. "I wonder if Dumbledore has gotten a new Divination teacher," Alice wondered with wry amusement on her face. Lily began to grin and then the two girls looked at each other and burst into laughter, loud and melodious.

"What happened to Professor Sparato? She was here last term wasn't she?" James asked, slightly confused. Although he hadn't taken Divination he had heard it was something of a joke. Ingrid Sparato had supposedly been an old Gypsy fortune teller (the best Dumbledore could do).

"She accidentally foretold her own death during one of our lessons and she went a little mad. As I hear it she is still in St. Mungo's recuperating," Alice said through muffled giggles. The girls looked at each other again and began to howl this time hugging each other tightly, tears coming to their eyes.

"Tell us your future professor," Lily said sweetly.

Alice pretended to look into a crystal ball. "Oh my dears, It is a grim future I see, a hospital bed and... dear me! The grim... oh no!" Alice said her eyes filling with mock horror. "Not death!"

James and Frank joined in the laughter this time. It was fairly humorous concept to have the fortune teller predict her own demise. Lily and James caught each others eyes and immediately a blush spread up her cheeks. James felt wonderful; this had to be the best moment of his life. Lily Evans was laughing with him, smiling at him. He couldn't have felt better if he were flying. Hell he'd rather keep his feet on the ground if Lily looked at him that way. She hadn't looked at him like that since June last year, just before... He had best not think about what had happened on that fateful day. He smiled at Lily and she grinned right back.

Alice noticed the attraction between the two and watched with interest. Lily had sworn up and down all summer that her fixations with James was over, he was to intense for her and she couldn't trust him. Alice hadn't believed her then and when she saw their interaction she couldn't understand her now. They really would make a charming couple, once you got past the fact that Lily pretended to hate him. She wasn't really a good actress, Alice thought as she watched James whisper something in Lily's ear. She smiled at this new information; Lily was going to throw a fit, as she had for the past six years of her life whenever someone said that she cared for him.

Lily suddenly realized that she had been smiling at James and she blushed deeper. It was better to not encourage him, better to let things go at their own pace. But even so, she had to sit on her hands to stop from running her fingers through her hair to make sure she looked all right. It seemed that no matter how uncomfortable he made her, she wanted to look her best for him.

The carriage stopped abruptly and Lily finally pulled her gaze away from James. He was dangerous to her, totally and completely lethal. If she didn't watch herself she would become a conquest, a willing one. She had done that last year and had gotten her heart broken. Damn him, why did he have to lie so convincingly? She pushed the thought from her mind as Frank and Alice got out of the carriage, followed by James who instead of following them to the castle put out his arms to help her down. She couldn't see the harm in it until he pulled her body close to his. Her body slid down the length of his, their eyes fixed intently on each other. Lily could feel the heat creep back up into her cheeks, at the feel of his body pressed so closely, fit so tightly against her own. It was all she could do not to melt in his arms at that moment and say, "take me I'm yours."

Instead she pulled away, not meeting his eyes. If she looked into his eyes one more time she wouldn't be able to look away. It was taking all of her strength not to fall back into the comfort of his arms, to know that he would take care of her. She walked quickly up to the castle with James beside her, enjoying the peacefulness of it. Yes, he thought, this was going to be one great year and nothing would be able to change his mind.

Nothing came sooner than James thought.

It was nearly ten o'clock (after the feast had gotten over) and James and Lily were supposed to patrol the corridors before turning in. James was anxious to get back to his and Lily's dorm. It was wonderful and yet he wouldn't feel comfortable until he had explored every inch of it. He always liked knowing his surroundings and there was so much to look at. Lily though was quietly subdued, seeming to James to be lost in her own thoughts. A sudden scream came from up ahead of them and Lily was snapped out of her daydream.

"What was that?" she asked fear dancing in her emerald eyes.

"I have no idea, let's find out."

"Wands lit?" Lily asked nervously. James nodded. "_Lumos_."

Together they ran down the corridor, wands held out in front of them for light and quite possibly protection. They slowed down as soon as they saw a dark figure up in front of them. "Stay behind me Lily," James said and pushed her behind him so he could shield her. She was so scared that she didn't even notice that he had called her Lily. James crept up to the figure and sighed sadly. Lily tried to see what it was James put himself between her and the person lying on the ground.

"I don't want you to see this, please don't look," he begged but she had to know. She looked around him and a scream caught in her throat. Lying on the floor, looking more dead than alive was Erin. Then, without realizing what she was doing Lily flung herself into James's arms and wrapped her own arms tightly around him. She was sobbing loudly, soaking his robes but James didn't care. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. This was the first time he had held her since that terrible night, and just like then comforting and protecting her was the only thing on his mind.

"It's going to be okay Lily, but we need to get her to the hospital wing. Be strong for me now, and you can cry later," he said as he kissed her hair. She didn't want to move. Being held like this in his arms felt so right and so perfect that she clung tighter. She didn't want to care for him as much as she did, but right now, like usual, he was her port in the stormy sea of life. "We need to get Erin to the Hospital wing," he said again, this time more sternly, "I'll hold you later." That snapped her out of it. Damn him again, she pushed him away quickly and tried to right herself and her appearance. She didn't need to be held by James Potter, all she needed was to get her friend help. She brushed the hair out of her face and pulled out her wand.

"_Wingardium Leviosa_," she whispered shakily and Erin began to levitate in the air. James stepped in and lifted her into his arms.

"No offense Evans, but I think this will be safer, you are still a little shaken up," James said and began to walk toward the hospital wing. Lily felt anger rise in her as she watched James carry her with ease. He always made her problems and emotions seem simple and not worth her tears. All she wanted to do was have a good cry and he wouldn't let her… he always had to be the hero!

"I'd like to know who did this," Lily said harshly as she followed James. She was now trying to channel her heated energy into the predicament at hand. It wouldn't do her any real good to get angry with James. "I'd like to get them alone in a dark corner, they'd be sorry then." What Lily and James didn't notice was the person standing in the shadows behind them.

"I'd like to meet you in a dark corner too Evans. But you'll be the one who is sorry..."


	3. Advice from Moony

_**CH: 3- Advice from Moony**_

"How did she get like this?" Madame Pomfrey asked as James walked into the Hospital wing with Erin in his arms. He was beginning to feel the ache in his arms from her weight. She may a tiny girl, but the walk from the dungeons was a long one, and a human body is an awkward thing to carry.

"We were hoping you could tell us," he said as he laid Erin on the closest bed. Her long dark hair fell around her in thick waves, emphasizing the fact that she was ghostly pale. There seemed to be no color in her normally bright face, she looked as if she was… but James didn't want to think about that because Lily was crying again, tears spilling off her face, forming dark spots on her robes and her shoulders were wrenching with sobs. She couldn't look at her best friend's body without noticing how her arms hung lifeless at her sides. _Lord please help her_, Lily prayed silently_, please_. She didn't pray much anymore, she wasn't sure if being a witch affected her beliefs, but she wanted some comfort that Erin was going to be all right.

"She isn't going to die is she?" she asked Madame Pomfrey between sobs. James couldn't stand to see the devastation on her face, so he wrapped his arms tightly around her, trying to comfort her in the only way he knew how. Lily began to cry harder, if that was possible, knowing that he wouldn't mind and that his arms would continue to hold her.

"Shh Lily, she'll be fine. Won't she Madame Pomfrey?" James asked as he smoothed Lily's hair down. He didn't wait for her answer though; he just kept talking to her, as if it would take her mind off of things. "Erin will be all right Lily."

"She'll be fine dear," Madame Pomfrey confirmed, "she may need to spend a little while with me, but she will definitely recover. Look, she's breathing," she said pointing to Erin's chest movement. Lily breathed a sigh of relief, but the tears wouldn't stop.

Madame Pomfrey eyed her intently and then motioned to James. "Take Lily back to her dorm and give her this," she rummaged in her supply cupboard for a moment and then brought back a small bottle filled with blue liquid. "It's a dreamless sleeping draught and she needs sleep tonight."

"I'll make sure that she takes it," he told her, watching Lily shaking from across the room. Madame Pomfrey gave him a little smile.

"I'm sure you will, now you had better go and get some rest," she urged and they left the hospital wing and headed for the Head's dorm. He was holding her hand tightly and Lily was grateful for the comfort of that simple action. She didn't even think of it as a romantic inclination, it was just… comforting. Soon they arrived in front of a concealed door and James reached out to tap the stone softly. The door materialized and James all but carried Lily inside.

"Goodnight Evans, and please take some of that sleeping potion. Classes start tomorrow and we have N.E.W.T.S. this year," James reminded her gently brushing the hair out of her face. She didn't pull away from his touch, she was too tired to argue with him, he supposed.

"I'll sleep, I promise," she whispered and then did something much unexpected. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek lightly. "Thank you for helping me tonight, I know how difficult I must be," then she closed the door leaving James speechless.

When Lily woke up the next morning she couldn't remember where she was. This wasn't her girl-filled room with her four-poster and it wasn't her bedroom back home. It took her a full five minutes to relax enough to remember the previous day's events. Tears sprung to her eyes at the thought of her friend lying hexed in the Hospital wing.

_Poor Erin_, Lily thought sadly, _she was so excited to come back to school and now she is going to miss the first part of it due to an attack_.

A rage filled Lily's insides at the injustice of it all, who would do something like that to someone as wonderful as Erin? Well, if she got up now she could visit her before breakfast. She was ready in less than ten minutes, a record for her. She crept out of the room knowing that James was still asleep, and not wanting to make any noise. She grabbed her book bag from one of the desks and stopped dead in her tracks.

James was asleep on the couch, his glasses in one hand as if he had taken them off to rub his eyes and then fallen asleep before he could replace them. In his other hand a piece of paper was clutched tightly to his chest. Lily's curiosity won out over sensibility and she walked over to him and pulled the paper out of his hand gently and began to read:

_Lily,_

_I know that you hate me and I only have myself to blame for that. Sometimes I even hate myself for the things I have said and done to you. I don't know what happened between us in June, but I feel as if it was just a dream, something beautiful that I can remember for the rest of my life… or it would have been if you hadn't nearly died. I wanted to protect you from everything, from ever being hurt and I failed. _

_Damn it, I failed you and you nearly died. I'll never forgive myself for telling you to hide. If you had stayed with me I could have saved you. I have never felt more vulnerable in my life than I did when I saw you bleeding on the floor of that cave. How do I keep you safe? I don't know if I can and I know that it isn't my job, but I never want to see you hurting again. Would you let me protect you, knowing that I wanted to do it for our entire lives? I sound obsessed don't I? Love makes you sound crazy I suppose. I didn't mean to even bring up that day, I'm sorry, let me start over again…_

_I love you. There I said it, like I have hundreds of times before and I'm not taking it back this time. I have never loved anyone before you and I will never love anyone after you. I just wanted you to know that. There are other things I need to tell you as well._

_I know there is more to life that Quidditch and mischief making, but so far the only other thing that interests me is you and I know I have no chance. Not after I let you get hurt. You'll never trust me again will you? I want you to know that I love you and have from the moment I saw you. It was in the train compartment, do you remember? I walked in and you snubbed me without even a moment's hesitation. It was so startling that I refused to accept it as I began my newest lifelong goal… to get you to fall in love with me. It hasn't always been easy, but I value my patience, if nothing else. _

_Lily, do you have any idea of the person I see you as? I don't know how to describe it very well but I'll do the best I can._

_You are a true Gryffindor, friend to those in need and protector of innocents. I know that you aren't perfect though for I have seen your temper, but to me you are my life. I know I shouldn't be saying this Lily but like I said earlier, you are it for me. Tonight you let me hold you and I will remember it forever because in that moment I knew… I realized that there would never be anyone else for me… ever. If you don't feel anything for me I understand, to you I'm still James Potter the boy who can't grow up. Lily I am so much more than that, give me another chance and you'll be surprised. My love isn't just a temporary thing, its forever._

_James_

When she had finished reading the letter and she put it down she realized that she was crying. It was such a beautiful letter and written by someone who was no longer a child. James loved her, that realization hit her hard. Good Lord, James Potter, a Marauder, loved her! She hadn't believed him last year, or perhaps she had believed that she wasn't capable of loving him as much in return. Whatever it was she had thrown away a beautiful relationship not once, but twice. Damn she was stupid. Lily put the letter back into his hand and left the dorm quickly, she had to find the one and the only person she could speak to about this. She had to find Remus.

He was in the library, like usual, but this time Sirius was with him, propped back in a chair and yawning. "Hello Evans," Sirius said with his trademark lopsided grin. Lily brushed him off and turned to Remus.

"Remus, I need to speak to you, it's about James," she whispered, knowing that she would rather die than speak about this in front of Sirius. He would only make trouble for both of them, and she didn't want that.

"Of course," he stood up and followed her to the other side of the library where Lily knew they would be alone. Sirius kept craning his head to get a good look at them, but Remus cast a simple muffling charm around them, so anyone nearby would hear buzzing in their ears instead of their conversation. It was actually a quite popular spell.

"James was asleep on the sofa this morning, like he used to do in Gryffindor tower. He must have fallen asleep while writing this letter, because it was clutched in his hands. I read the letter, I wasn't supposed to, I know that now, but you know me. I couldn't help it. Anyways, it basically says that James is in love with me," she said softly. She wasn't going into the Hogsmeade thing with anyone, that was a very private business between her and James and that is where it was staying.

Remus began to smile widely and he took her hand in his. Lily wasn't surprised by this act of affection because it had always come easily between her and Remus; he was like an older brother to whom she could look for solace. She had many times before in fact.

"The Marauders have all promised each other that we won't fall in love, Lily. Do you understand what this means?" he asked. Lily thought for a moment then shook her head.

"It means that James has finally grown up. No more pranks or jokes. No more hexes on innocent bystanders. Sirius always thought you were a phase he was going through, I guess he owes me ten galleons," he said and rubbed his chin idly. If this hadn't been so serious Lily would have laughed at the look of triumph on his face.

"That's great Remus, but what should I do?" Lily asked desperately. That brought another grin, a wider one to his handsome and tired face.

"Do? Lily let me ask you a question. Do you love him in return?" Lily hesitated for a moment, thinking hard. Did she love him enough to tell him? She thought of all the times in the past years that he had teased her, saved her, kissed her, tried to win her over and finally assumed that he had failed. O yes, she loved him. She nodded. "Then why ask me? Let your heart tell you what to do. If you feel about him the same way he feels about you, go for it. There is nothing to lose and you will be the envy of all the girls who have been trying to catch James's eye," he said with a twinkle in his eyes.

Lily threw herself into his arms for an ecstatic hug, grinning like a mad woman. Which, Lily thought happily, she was. Falling in love with James made her crazy, but that was okay because she was wildly crazy about him. "I have to go tell him!" she announced and then she ran out of the library, pausing to give Sirius a wet kiss on his cheek.

"What was that all about?" Sirius asked rubbing his cheek and looking genuinely worried about her.

"My dear Padfoot, can't you read the signs? Lily is in love and she can't wait to tell the world."

"Not with James?" Sirius said, dawning comprehension passing on his face.

"I do believe you owe me ten galleons Padfoot," Remus said with a chuckle.

Lily rushed into their dorm, her face flushed and her eyes bright. James thought that she was absolutely nutters. "James!" she said excitedly and ran to sit by him on the sofa.

"What is it Evans? Can't a man wake up in peace?" James groaned and fell back against the sofa. Lily wouldn't let him be grumpy, not today when their entire lives were about to change. It was the most marvelous day in the world!

"I'm so excited!" she whispered and then she hugged him tightly. He didn't complain but he was getting suspicious. Lily had never hugged him without being forced into it, something was up.

"What's going on?" he asked point blank.

"I'm in love James. A love so perfect and pure and wonderful that no one else in the entire world could ever feel the same way that I do. This morning I found out that the man I love, loves me in return and I couldn't wait to tell him I return his feelings," she gushed. James felt as if his insides had just disappeared. Lily was in love. It was last year all over again, yet this time, he was too late. Too late to give her the note he had written and too late to claim her for himself. Her eyes, bright with hope and overwhelming love, were proof of that. "What's wrong?" she asked softly as she noticed his pale and hurt face.

"Nothing Evans, as long as you are happy the world is good," he said and then he walked out of the common room without another word, leaving her to wonder what she had said wrong.

James walked down to the Great Hall, hoping there was something there that he could eat and then get his mind off Lily. Damn her, he thought, why couldn't she have seen that he loved her? That he had always and would always love her? He was interrupted from his dark thoughts by Remus and Sirius sitting beside him.

"What's wrong, Prongs?" Remus asked as he spooned kippers and bacon onto his plate, followed by a round of spiced blood sausage. James had a brief thought that Remus was trying to commit suicide by plugging up his arteries with cholesterol. Then he realized that the full moon must be coming if he was craving all that meat, poor Remus.

"Lily is in love or so she told me this morning," James finally said his voice flat and monotone. Remus smiled widely while helping himself to some more bacon and then gazed up at his friend for a moment before realizing that something Lily had said had gone horribly wrong.

"What exactly did she say?" he asked trying to sound casual.

"She said that the man she loved told her he loved her and she reciprocates the feelings."

"Did she actually say that the man 'said' he loved her?" Remus replied.

"Yes, she said…. Wait, no she didn't. She said that she found out…" at that moment he remembered the letter and everything he had said in it. Lily had read his letter! "I have to go Moony, I almost made the biggest mistake of my life," James said grinning ear to ear and then he ran out of the Great Hall and sprinted up the stairs.

"Well," said Sirius eating a bit of toast, "at least HE didn't kiss me."


	4. No Words Spoken

_**CH: 4- No Words Spoken**_

James ran into their dorm, throwing the door wide open. "Lily," he said breathlessly, expecting to see her sitting on the sofa, still wondering what she had done wrong. She wasn't there; the room was completely empty except for a note lying on the table, which James presumed was the one he had written last night. He walked over to pick it up and realized that it was in Lily's very neat handwriting.

_James,_

_I don't know what I said to make you run away from me like that. My confession of love didn't happen the way I imagined it, but maybe this way is better. I have a surprise planned for us this evening after dinner. Meet me in here._

_All my love,_

_Lily_

James grinned as he put the note down. She had a surprise for him? This wasn't the Lily he knew, but neither was the girl who had declared her love to him this morning. Lily was in love with him, of that James was absolutely certain. This thought would be enough to last him through the rest of the day until he could speak to her again without prying onlookers. It was a wonderful feeling, being in love and being loved in return by Lily Evans.

He walked into the Transfiguration room grinning broadly from ear to ear. Since he was the first one there he took out his wand and gave it a test wave. His bag became a tortoise with an overlarge shell. It walked a few inches across his desk and then James flicked his wand again and it became his book bag once more. Just then Sirius, Remus and Peter walked into the room and sat in their usual seats around James.

"So did you speak to Lily?" Remus asked as he pulled out his wand.

"Nope," said James as he continued to smile. "She left me a note."

"What did it say, Prongs?" Peter asked excitedly. James turned to stare at Peter as if he had gone mad.

"That is for me to know and you to fantasize about," he said smiling happily. Peter's face fell quickly. He was hoping that James would fill him in.

"You are holding out, Prongs my friend," Sirius said as he pulled out his book and wand.

"Yep," James said gleefully. Sirius looked startled. Not once in his and James's friendship had there been secrets, they were always honest with each other, sometimes brutally so. He hoped that this wouldn't become a habit or he might as well induct Evans into the Marauders so James wouldn't hide things, especially things this trivial.

Before he could try to convince James to spill his secrets, the door opened and students began to pile in. When Lily and Alice walked in, Lily and James caught each other's eye and she flushed a deep red and looked away. James stared at her until she and Alice has sat down. Professor McGonagall walked to the front of the classroom and tapped the desk with her wand for attention. The entire room went silent.

"You are all in your seventh and final year at this school. Most of you have become responsible adults and mature individuals… most of you," she glared at the Marauders. Several girls giggled.

"As you all know, it is in your seventh year that you take your N.E.W.T.'s, which enable you to find your profession in the Wizarding world. This is Advanced Transfiguration and anyone who should not be here; you may leave at this time." The room was silent, either everyone was in the right class or they were too scared of Professor McGonagall to make any sudden movements.

"Today's lesson will be on human transfiguration. Let's use our new Head Boy and Girl as examples. Potter and Evans please come up to the front of the room," she pointed to a space beside her.

"Go ahead, Prongs," Sirius urged after James sat stunned in his seat. Sirius poked him in the shoulder and James practically ran down to Professor McGonagall's side.

"What animal would you like to see Potter as?" she asked. Lily blushed and the whole room erupted into loud and raucous laughter. They all knew of Lily and James's relationship to date and they were eager to see what she would pick. James looked into her eyes, pleading with her not to say anything embarrassing. Lily thought for a moment then smiled.

"A dog, a big white one with floppy ears," she said with a grin. Professor McGonagall rolled her eyes as again the room rang with laughter. With a sudden flash of blue light James was transformed into a large white dog with floppy ears.

"Looks like you have competition Padfoot," Remus teased Sirius. A noise interrupted their conversation and they turned their attention to the front of the class. They both watched in utter shock as the dog bounded upon Lily and smothered her in large sloppy kisses, knocking her to the floor.

"Okay Potter, that's enough," McGonagall said and obediently the dog backed away, looking slightly put out. With another flash of blue light the dog was returned to human form. He grinned sheepishly at the room as Lily pulled him to his feet. They grinned sheepishly at each other and the class broke out in applause. James bowed to his class and Lily rolled her eyes, pulling him back to their seats.

"If you are a good boy you'll get a treat later," she teased him as they walked back to their seats.

"Is that a promise?" he asked quietly. Lily winked and sat down in her seat.

"Well if Potter and Evans are finished flirting we can return to our lesson, pair up," McGonagall said with a hint of a smile around her usually thin lips.

Later James couldn't recall much of his first day back; he had spent it mostly in a haze of happiness. Every time he came across Lily in the hall she would wink at him, and once she actually ran up to him and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. He had spent the next full class period (Charms) touching his cheek with his fingertips, making sure that he was really not imaging things.

He didn't know how he made it through dinner with Lily smiling at him in that knowing way, while he was not quite sure what was going to happen. After what seemed like months of waiting Lily motioned for him to him to follow her out of the Great Hall. Once they were alone in their dorm he cornered her, by backing her up against the door and smiling down at her. She was biting her lip in that extremely appealing way she had. It made James want to kiss her.

"So what is this surprise?" he asked with the same blissfully happy grin he had worn all day.

"We have to finish patrol first, and then we can come back to our dorm. The house elves will do exactly what I asked them to do," Lily whispered and kissed his cheek. James was tempted to go patrol now, but as Lily pointed out, there was no reason to patrol before everyone went to bed.

He spent a happy hour working side by side on his Transfiguration homework with Lily. Every so often she would make a remark so utterly outrageous that he retaliated by pulling lightly on a curly lock of her hair.

"You know," she said, stretching languidly, "I liked you better as a dog."

It took James several moments to process what she had said. After all, she couldn't expect him not to look at her when she stretched like that. Finally her remark penetrated his brain. "What?"

"You heard me, I like the floppy ears." She was grinning broadly at him, her lip caught between her teeth again.

"You'll pay for that one," James said and scooped her up quickly in his arms. She shrieked and tried to get away, but his hold on her was too tight. He brought her closer and whispered in her ear, "Stop struggling."

Their eyes met and Lily felt herself melt instantly into his arms. It was always like that between them, she had never felt so completely comfortable and yet recklessly passionate about being kissed by anyone else. She met his lips halfway, winding her arms around his neck tightly. She wanted to feel him against her, and know that he was completely hers.

He let her go slowly, so that her body ran down the length of his and she made a small moan at the back of her throat. "Oh James," she whimpered. He kissed a path down her neck to her collarbone as she shuddered against him, clinging tighter to his neck than before.

"I think it's about time to go and patrol," he muttered against her ear, pressing a soft kiss to the delicate shell. When he let her go she nearly fell over, and would have if he hadn't put out his arm to balance her. "If I knew any better Evans, I would have said that you liked kissing me." It was a good thing that he disappeared to get his school robe just then or she would have given him a glare war enough to curdle milk.

They left the dorm hand in hand, completely comfortable with their lot in life for the time being. If only time could stand still, James thought as he looked down at their entwined fingers. He could stay here in this hallway holding Lily's hand until the day he died and be completely content. They walked past the library telling off a couple of third years for snogging and James delighted in their worried glances as they ran off up the corridor. He was certainly getting to like being an authority figure.

They spent another half-hour walking through empty corridors before James and Lily set off for their dorm, still casually hand in hand. James didn't stop to think how odd it was, this sudden change in her, he was just thanking God that it had happened.

"I have to warn you this will be a shock," Lily warned as she tapped the stones lightly.

"I like surprises," he whispered but nothing prepared him for what he saw.

The room was dimly lit with candles and James thought he could hear faint Muggle music playing in the corner, soft and romantic. The small coffee table had been enlarged and there was butterbeer at each place setting. Beside James's plate was a small envelope with his name on it. Lily motioned that he should sit down to open the envelope and she walked to her dorm and shut the door. Obviously she was dreading his reaction, or was possibly unsure of it. Inside the envelope was a letter, written from Lily to him and as James read it, he felt as though the world could never be the same again.

_James,_

_This is so strange for me, because all these years I have told myself I hated you. But that isn't true, I have never hated you but in fact I have loved you. I have loved you from the moment you first walked into my train compartment with that nervous yet arrogant look on your face. I could never have loved anyone else. Yet, I was so worried that you would discard me like all of your other girls and I would get my heart broken. I decided to be better than that and to not let myself fall for you. Too late, I already have and there is no going back now. I love you James, completely and forever. I don't know how it happened, but it did and you know what? I'm glad. _

_This should be the happiest moment in my life right? I am happy, but I am also really scared. What if you reject me? I couldn't believe what was written in your letter so I went to Remus. You have a wonderful friend in him James. I hope you appreciate him. I certainly do, I owe all of this to him. If I hadn't gone to the library this morning to speak with him, it might have been years before I told you my feelings, but now it's out in the open. _

_This is my heart James, take it or leave it, for it is yours and will be forever, as long as you need it and far beyond._

_Lily_

James looked up from the letter absolutely speechless. He had thought he merely loved her but he was wrong, Lily was _everything_ to him. She was his other half, his world, his eternal soul mate. She was the one, but he didn't know how to say it, how to put it into words. He didn't even realize that he had gotten up from the table until he was knocking on her door. She opened it, her face creased with worry and wringing her hands tightly. He looked into her eyes and saw that she was… crying. She loved him so much that she was worried that he wouldn't take her back after her behavior and she was crying for them.

"I'll take it," he whispered. With a strangled cry she launched herself into his arms and sobbed softly. They were finally together, no more lies and no more hiding from it. They loved each other. No more than that was needed for they both understood without words and it was beautiful.


	5. Lily's Pain

_**CH: 5 - Lily's Pain**_

Life couldn't have been better, James thought as he stretched out the floor. Lily was lying on the sofa above him, smiling and looking out the window toward the star studded sky and the crystal reflection of the lake. They had now been together for barely two months and James couldn't remember two better months in his whole life. Never, in his wildest dreams could he have imagined the combination of peaceful companionship and heated passion. Yet that is what they had together. They were just as comfortable sitting side by side, doing their homework, as snogging on their sofa. Just thinking about kissing her put a smile on his face and he leaned up on his elbow to look into her eyes.

"Hi," he whispered softly, leaning in to her. Lily met him halfway, her lips parted and soft. It was a sweet kiss, full of love, happiness and devotion. It was everything they shared and yet, it didn't even scratch the surface of what they had. It was so much more than devotion. They were, in all meanings of the word, soul mates.

Before Lily knew it James had pulled her onto the ground with him, his arms wrapping around her and the kiss filling with passion and heat. She moaned and kissed him hungrily, she had waited so long for this. He had driven her mad all day with his touches and caresses and now it was her turn.

In Herbology she had gotten a question incorrect because James had ran his hand softly over her behind, touching it just enough to send all of her nerve endings into shock and she had been powerless to stop the shudder that ran through her. She had to explain to a very puzzled looking Professor Sprout that she had felt a slight chill for a moment. James had laughed silently beside her.

Later she had told him off, but she supposed she hadn't been serious enough because it had ended with her being plastered to a wall by James's body, his lips devouring hers. They hadn't been able to take things very far because people were around, but it had been enough of a spectacle for James to bow to an applauding crowd afterward. Lily just had to laugh along, thanking God that they hadn't done anything really scandalous in front of the first years.

Later at the Halloween feast, James had kept sliding his hand under the table to touch her leg. It had been distracting enough that she had begun turning a very deep shade of red and was having difficulty drawing in sufficient breath. She gave him a "not now" look and went back to her food, but this behavior continued all through dinner until she couldn't wait to get him alone in their dorm. Now she had him.

Lily loved this man with her whole heart; she had for a long time. If only she had admitted it to herself sooner things might have been different for them, but no matter. He was hers now, and she would never let him go. His hands were touching every bit of her they could find, first roaming up her back and then, sliding up under the back of her blouse. This alone caused her to snap back to her senses and realize how fast they were moving. She pulled her self together enough to break off the kiss and she drew back panting heavily, as if she weren't getting enough air.

James looked unsteady for a moment, like he would lose her if he let her go for an instant. She was still crushed tightly to his chest and she realized quite awkwardly that she was straddling his hips and he was very pleased to be near her. She rolled off of him and tried to put herself into a semblance of order, brushing her hair back behind her ears and taking deep calming breaths. They were going just a bit too fast, and although she wanted him very badly, she wasn't quite ready for what was happening. She was so preoccupied with calming herself down that she didn't hear James get up and walk over to her.

"Lily?" he asked softly, running his hands up her back and over her shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"It's time to go patrol the halls James, look," she held out her watch, "almost ten."

Reluctantly he walked over to the table and grabbed their wands and robes. He still didn't believe that she had gotten up so fast because of patrol but he wasn't going to correct her. No, he thought with a grin as he put their things back on the table, he was going to kiss her again.

Without warning Lily felt herself being turned around to face James and before she could say anything he was kissing her again. She lost all thought as she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him up against her. They fell back on the sofa, curling up once again in each other's arms. This was a safer position, Lily assured herself, as she was hauled up against his side, being kissed as though he could never get enough of her. She always felt special in his arms, as though he had never loved anyone but her. She liked it best that way.

"Really James, the faster we go out and get this done, the faster we can come back here," she whispered between kisses. James kissed her again, thoroughly and so completely that she was liquid in his arms and then he finally relented and let her stand up.

"Thanks, now I have to go fix my hair," she complained.

James grinned, because he really liked the way she looked. Her hair was tousled, her skin flushed and she looked completely and utterly happy with her life. He sighed and ran his fingers through his own hair, making it look windswept. He knew she hated it when he did that and he was rewarded for his efforts with a disgusted sigh and a swat on his arm. He grabbed his wand and his cloak off the table smiling to himself broadly. Lily walked into the bathroom to fix herself, when she was done primping they could leave.

She came out of the bathroom moments later looking calm and relaxed, her wand in her hand. "Try anything," she said to him as he started toward her, "and I will hex you. We have to get this done."

James reluctantly opened the door for her to leave and watched as she left with her behind swaying gently. He groaned and followed her out, knowing this would be the longest patrol of his life. How long was yet to be determined.

"Lets split up," James suggested as they stepped out into the main hallway. "We will cover a lot more ground and be able to get back to the dorm."

"You just want to get back to the dorm earlier so that we can…" she sighed. She couldn't be too strict, for she wanted to be back in his arms just as much, but she also wanted to set some limits as to how far they would go. "Okay, you take from the astronomy towers down and I'll take from the dungeons up, we will meet at our dorm."

James grinned and saluted her. "Aye, Aye captain," he teased and spun on his heel as he walked up the marble staircase. Lily grinned after him, eager to hurry and get back into his arms. Already after only two months she couldn't keep her hands off him, it was beautiful and a bit scary; all she had to do was tell him when to stop. She loved him, but she wasn't ready to give up that part of herself yet.

She walked down into the dungeons and had a look around. She was completely oblivious to the shadowy figure that was following her. As she turned around to head back up to the Entrance Hall, she ran straight into Severus Snape, his cold eyes glinting at her.

"You startled me Severus," she said laughing nervously. He looked angry tonight, and she wasn't sure why. Something must have reminded him of Tabitha, she thought sadly. She well remembered the anguish he went through when they discovered that those 18 students had died two years ago. Tabitha Snyder, his girlfriend, had been among them and he had never fully recovered.

"Did something happen?' Lily asked worriedly. She was still trying to decipher his look. It had only been three years ago that they had been friends, had so much really changed since then? She found it almost funny that she had thought this every time she had seen him this year. He did seem so very different.

His mood suddenly changed again, his face went from sad to tender. He reached out to touch her hair and instinctively she pulled away. "I love you Tabitha," he whispered softly, reaching out to touch her hair again.

Lily was frozen in place. Why on earth had he called her Tabitha? He was completely nutters, out of his mind. "I'm not Tabby," she croaked. Her throat had gone dry and raspy in a matter of seconds, she was terrified.

His eyes blinked for several seconds and he looked into her eyes with clarity. "Lily?" he asked. She nodded. Rage filled his face then, hatred so deep she couldn't understand it. "Damn you to Hell for killing her again!" he cried and thrust her onto the floor.

She fell with a hard thud, hitting her head on the stone floor. Pain raced through her as she tried to make sense out of what he had said. How had she made Tabitha die again? She wasn't left with very long to ponder this thought because in the next moment he ripped off her robes and then her blouse, leaving her almost bare to the chilly dungeon air. "I don't want to love you," he whispered against her neck. Lily tried to hit him but he held her arms pressed tight to the floor. "Why?" he asked, not expecting an answer.

How could he do this to her? They had once been such good friends, what had gone wrong? Why was he doing this? She screamed inside her mind over and over again. Something this cruel couldn't be happening to her, not to the luckiest girl in the world. She had finally fond her soul mate, her eternal companion and somehow this creature had sensed it and was trying to destroy her. She wasn't going to let him… "Help me James," she whimpered, "please."

Lily blocked out the next half hour, her own rape and loss of innocence in so cruel a way was not a memory to cherish. If only James were here, she thought over and over again. If only she hadn't been so eager to be alone with him again. This was all her fault, all her fault, all her fault…

James waited at their dorm for her for nearly fifteen minutes before deciding to go find her. He apparated himself down to the dungeons where he saw something that both sickened and enraged him. Lily was lying naked and beaten while Severus got up, no doubt enjoying his game.

"You sick bastard," James whispered and before Severus could think James was on top of him, hitting him so hard that he was sure there would be broken bones, but it wasn't enough. "What have you done to her?" James asked, knowing the answer, but making Snape say it.

"Potter," he said, making no attempt to wipe the blood off his lip. James stared at the sick creature before him, there was nothing he could say to that remark, except hit him.

"You come near her again and I'll kill you," James said his voice cool, calm and deadly. He wanted nothing more than to kill the sickening bit of filth.

"Go ahead Potter, but I'll come to her again and again."

James lunged at him again, this time knocking him to the floor where he attempted to strangle him. He noticed that Severus wasn't even fighting back; he was just lying there, waiting for the inevitable.

"You aren't worth it," James said and stood up. "You make me sick. I bet you want to be really roughed up huh? Then you can go to all the professors and say I nearly killed you. I won't give you that satisfaction. Leave Snivellus, I'll let you off now, but if you even look at Lily again I will kill you."

James procured a blanket with a simple spell "Vestis Excito" and wrapped her up in it before scooping her into his arms. He didn't even look back at Snape as he walked to his and Lily's dorm. If he had he would have killed him then and there for Snape was smiling in a deranged way at Lily.

He knew that he should really take her to the hospital wing, yet he couldn't bring himself to do it. Not quite yet.

He brought her into their dorm instead, but instead of taking her to her room he laid her down in front of the fireplace. He lied down beside her and took her in his arms, kissing her hair softly. He brushed away her tears and kissed her cheeks. In the short time that they had spent together nothing had prepared him for such a deadening sense of misery. Not even that night last year when she had nearly died. Even then he knew that he could save her. Nothing alive could bring back her innocence now, she would always remember this terrible violation and she didn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry Lily. I've failed you twice now. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you last year and I'm sorry that bastard got to you tonight. I'm so damned sorry," he whispered, tears falling down his own cheeks as he kissed her hair, rocking her in his arms. Lily still hadn't spoken a word. He held her in his arms all night long, lying on the carpet by the fire and praying that Lily's attacker would be brought to justice.

"Why me James?" Lily finally whispered, early in the morning. "I never did a thing to him." James couldn't think of a logical reason, except that she was muggleborn.

"I don't know Lily, I really don't know."


	6. Rehab and Healing Words

_**CH: 6- Rehab and Healing Words**_

Lily was taken into the hospital wing the same morning that Erin was finally released. Everyone mobbed her trying to find out what had happened, but Erin had four bodyguards, the marauders. "Who attacked you Erin?" a third year Gryffindor asked.

Erin said nothing but looked quickly at the Slytherin table before turning quickly to her breakfast plate. James noticed the action and looked to the Slytherin table himself. Severus sat there, with a black eye and bruised lip staring straight at the spot Lily usually sat in. It seemed he hadn't gone to the hospital wing to take care of his injuries. If James ever got his hands on the bastard he wouldn't make it out alive again. Last night had been a one time offer; Severus wouldn't be so lucky next time. He didn't have time to dwell on this though because people had begun to crowd around Erin.

"Erin, is it true that you were in a magical coma?"

James turned to stare at an excited looking Ravenclaw that James vaguely recognized as Leslie Hamilton, who was a year behind him. She looked as if she was hoping for a nice juicy bit of gossip to tell all her simpering friends. Sirius took over protecting Erin against onlookers.

"Erin would rather not talk to anyone about what happened just now, so look for gossip elsewhere," Sirius said angrily. Erin looked up at Sirius with something near confusion as he stood up for her. It had been a long time since he had protected her like this and she wasn't very comfortable with it. Some wounds hurt too deeply to ever truly heal and this was one of them.

"Does this mean that you and Erin are back together Sirius?' Leslie asked hoping to get at least something to take back to the girls. James could see the interest and coldness in Leslie's eyes. It made him want to scream at her to leave them alone, but it was Sirius's fight, not his.

"I think you need to leave now," Sirius said coldly. Leslie grinned up at Sirius and blew him a kiss before walking back to her table and her eager friends. They all swarmed around her looking from Sirius to Erin and then talking excitedly. Sirius glared at them and then turned back to look at Erin, her face was a mixture of sadness, loss and anger.

"I don't need you sticking up for me Black," Erin said angrily. "You never cared about me while we were dating, why should you now?"

"Do you really believe that I didn't care about you?" Sirius asked. It had never occurred to him that she had really believed he had been playing her the entire time they were together. He had loved her dammit, he thought she had known that.

"You cheated on me with Ashley Linins and you didn't even have the kindness to tell me it was over. How does that seem to you?" she asked with tears spilling down her face. Sirius knew he had hurt her, but until now she had just been angry she had never cried in front of him ever, not even when she had caught him and Ashley together. She signaled to Remus to be her escort and she left the hall without a backward glance at Sirius.

Later, during Potions, James, Erin and Severus were all called out to meet in Dumbledore's office. James couldn't say that he was surprised, but that didn't make him comfortable with the whole situation either. Erin walked as far away from Snape as she could manage, as if she expected him to attack her in broad daylight. No, James thought bitterly, he only attacks at night. He was bitter, because though Snivellus hadn't hurt him personally, but he had hurt Lily and Erin and that was bad enough. They went up the revolving staircase, still not speaking a word. The first thing James saw when he walked into the office was Lily. Without thinking he rushed to her side and put his arms around her, but she stiffened and James let go.

"Are you alright Lily?" he asked softly looking into her eyes. The familiar twinkle of life he usually saw there was gone. Snivellus had done that to her. James turned on him, his eyes furious. He hadn't killed her body, but he had destroyed her spirit… that was even worse.

"You bastard, I should have killed you last night when I had the chance," he whispered furiously. Before he could walk a step towards him Dumbledore spoke sharply, something James had never heard before.

"Sit down James, this minute. Severus and Erin take a seat as well," Dumbledore pointed to three chairs he had set up. Snape sat directly beside Lily and she recoiled, tears falling down her cheeks. It was like watching a flower shrivel up and wilt before his eyes. She was dying all over again at his mere presence and James wanted to put a stop to it. He turned angry eyes on Dumbledore, but the Headmaster was avoiding his gaze, looking instead at Lily who was now shaking.

"I'm afraid you cannot sit beside her Severus, nor can you James. Erin please go and sit beside Lily," Dumbledore said softly, but with a hint of fury in his voice. Severus stood up and took the chair farthest away from her. James, although he hated it, sat beside Severus. He could feel his insides churning with hatred at him, but he did what Dumbledore asked; the Headmaster deserved that much respect.

"You all know why we are here," Dumbledore began, "Lily has a story that I say baffles me. Why would Severus attack a fellow student? I don't understand. I'm sure each of you has your own story to tell and that is why we are here. Erin if you will please begin your story." She looked as if she would rather eat a slug than tell her story and she shook her head furiously. It was obvious that she was trying to keep something a secret, and that she was worried of what would happen if she revealed that truth.

"Erin, I don't want to do this, but if I have to get out the veritaserum I will. This is very important," Dumbledore prodded gently. A terrified look came to Erin's face as she looked at James but she straightened back up and turned her gaze to Dumbledore and began her story.

"It was the night of the welcoming feast. We had just finished dinner and I wanted to go for a walk. I know that I shouldn't have because it was late, but there was never anything in this castle that I was afraid of, until now. I was just turning around to go back to Gryffindor tower when out of the darkness came… him," she gave a pointed look at Severus and a sob erupted from her.

"Go on Erin, please," Dumbledore insisted. Erin took a deep breath and continued.

"He grabbed my arm and he asked me where Lily was. I told him I didn't know and then I asked why he wanted her. He has made fun of her forever and said bad things about her, why would he want to know where she was? Instead of answering me he got all red in the face and took out his wand. He yelled hex after hex and spell after spell as I screamed. His word began to sound like a chant as my body writhed and convulsed on the floor, and then I passed out and next thing I knew I was in the hospital wing," Erin finished as tears began to leak down her face.

"Thank you Erin, you have been very helpful. Now I am going to help you," Dumbledore pulled out his wand and whispered softly, "_Obliviate_." Erin's face went dreamy and she smiled at them.

"Hello, how are you? Lily what's wrong?" Erin asked with the still dreamy expression on her face.

"You may go now Erin, you have Transfiguration next if I'm not mistaken." Dumbledore said and Erin left, still grinning ear to ear. Dumbledore turned to Lily next and James knew that he was going to ask to her to tell what happened to her. "Lily," Dumbledore whispered. Lily began to sob silently, wrapping her arms around her bruised and broken body. She shook violently and began to whisper "no, no, no, no," over and over again like a steady chant.

"Please let me hold her," James begged as he watched her torment. Severus's eyes became fierce and cold as if he would strike James if he touched her. The two men stared at each other, each man's eyes more cold and deadly than their foes.

"What we have here is a fierce rivalry for the love of one small woman," Dumbledore said softly, "James you cannot touch her yet. She isn't ready for anyone's affection. Now Lily you need to tell us, it will ease the pain in you heart," Dumbledore said kindly. He was looking at her much like a father would, his eyes shone with compassion, love and tenderness for the girl before him. It was obvious to all present how much he adored and respected Lily, and wanted only to see her healed.

"James and I were going out on our evening patrol and we decided to split up," Lily began in a very small voice and Dumbledore interrupted.

"Why would you split up after you had found a student attacked?" He asked kindly. The way he phrased it made it seem like he knew what had happened already, but was leading her through it.

"We… we…" she looked for the first time at James begging him for help. Dumbledore saw the way James looked at her and he smiled.

"You wanted to get back to your dorm and snog a bit?" he said carefully. James bit back a laugh and Severus pulled his lips back in a sneer. Even in a situation like this Dumbledore could throw a cheerful light on things, and make them seem humorous and touching.

"Yes," Lily whispered with embarrassment in her voice. "We decided that James would take the upper floors and work his way down and I would take the dungeon and work my way up. We would meet at our dorm later. I never made it that far," Lily broke off with a terrified look at Severus, as if she had just realized he was there. Tremors shook her body and a cry burst out of her mouth. "Leave me alone! Don't touch me!"

James felt tears come into his own eyes as he watched Lily remember what had happened to her. He wanted more than ever to pull her into his lap and hold her, kiss her and whisper sweet words of love and encouragement. But Dumbledore wouldn't let him near her. His heart was thumping fast and painfully against his chest at the sight of her anguished face. He wanted to kill Severus, more than he had ever wanted to do anything in his life.

"He came out of the darkness and said horrible things to me. He called me Tabitha; I was so confused and scared. I tried to talk sense into him but nothing seemed to get through, he told me that Tabby had died again and I had killed her. He told me he didn't want to love me. He then knocked me to the floor and…" she paused for a long moment as if she were trying to find another word for what had happened to her, "… he raped me. James came by and he confronted him. Severus said that he would keep coming after me because we have a bond, but we don't! I don't have any kind of connection to him, not then and not ever!" She began to scream now, her words cutting into James's heart.

"Then what happened to you Lily?" Dumbledore asked kindly.

"James hit him hard and they fell on the ground. I thought James would kill him and I wanted him to, I really wanted him to die. James let him go and told him if he came to me again that he would kill him. James wrapped me in a blanket and carried me to our dorms. He held me all night long and told me it wasn't my fault, but is it?" she looked directly as Dumbledore as she asked it.

"No Lily, it isn't your fault. Now Madame Pomfrey will take you back to the hospital wing while I speak with these two boys," he said and Madame Pomfrey walked in helping Lily out of her seat.

"Why don't you take her memory of this away?" James asked angrily.

"If it would help her I would. Don't you think she would be scared seeing the bruises on her body and not remembering how she got them? She will never heal until she gets over this and you have to let her have her time. Things may never be the same between you, but she needs her time to recover. Now sit down," Dumbledore said pointing again to a chair.

"James, we already know your side of the story. It is obvious that you found Lily and without thinking wanted to hurt her attacker as much as Lily was hurt. You love her and I know this and I think Severus does too. There isn't much more for you to contribute so sit here while Severus gives us his views on the matter," he said carefully. James was furious but he said nothing, knowing that he would just get himself into more trouble.

"Headmaster I will not say these things in front of Potter," he snarled giving James a murderous glance.

"Severus, he loves Lily and he has every right to hear why you did such a foul thing to the one he loves. Now, tell us."

"I've been in love with Lily Evans since my first year here," he began. James was so shocked that he gaped at him. "She was smart, beautiful, funny and always kind to me. Only Tabitha had ever even tried to be kind to me. I loved Tabitha but she was taken away from me after our fourth year, just as we discovered our feelings for each other. I set my sights back on Lily again. It didn't matter to me about her parents being muggles; all I wanted was for her to recognize me as an equal, someone who could love her for her brain as well as her beauty. The only person she has ever cared about is him," he pointed at James.

"After the O.W.L.'s Potter and his friends decided to pull some nasty tricks on me. Lily walked up seeming to me to be furious that they were treating me like that, but when I saw her eyes I knew she was jealous of the attention Potter was getting from the other girls. When she offered to help me I snapped at her, only because I knew she was in love with James and I couldn't handle it. I saw her on the train our first day back. She and Potter looked so cozy I couldn't help but be upset. She looked beautiful," he said this with his eyes closed as if he were remembering something wonderful.

"That night I wanted to speak with her before Potter got his hold on her, I wanted my chance. I found Erin and knew that they were friends so I asked her where Lily was. She gave me such a knowing smile and she teased me about it before she said that she didn't know where Lily was. I heard voices and was afraid that I would be caught with Erin so I jinxed her. I think I actually used several hexes in my anxiety and the next morning I heard she was in the hospital wing. I had to carefully plan my next meeting with Lily so that I could be a hero in her eyes. It didn't ever happen because she and Potter became a couple soon after the school year started."

"All day yesterday I watched as she and Potter kissed and touched each other. It made me sick; I wanted to be the one who made her smile and laugh. Why couldn't I show her my love for her? I got my chance last night when she was alone. I didn't mean to scare her; all I wanted was to see her and to tell her my feelings. When I looked into her eyes I saw she was scared of me and that wasn't it, she hated me. I knew that it had to have been Potter's doing. She had never hated me before. My mind couldn't comprehend that she didn't want me. It scared her even more and I began to babble on and on about stupid things."

"Potter showed up shortly after I was done. We fought and I finally realized what I had done to Lily. My heart broke and I decided to stop fighting, to let James kill me. He threw me aside and picked her up. I watched them as he walked away, knowing my heart was in my eyes," Severus was finally finished.

Severus was a very sick individual and he needed help, James could see that Dumbledore agreed. Dumbledore sighed and put his hand to his face, rubbing his forehead softly. It took him several minutes to speak again, minutes in which James examined the twisted soul beside him. He had known Tabitha, she had been a sweet and very bright girl, he had always worried about her interest in Severus, but she had been the one Slytherin he had genuinely liked.

When she and the other students had died in the attack by the Death Eaters in London, he had been saddened to hear that she was among them. He had known that Tabitha and Lily had actually got on quite well and he also knew that she had been torn up over her death. Having Severus go mental on her like this must have killed her memory for both of them. Tabitha Snyder had been a good girl; her memory didn't deserve to be desecrated this way. James found himself in tears over the injustice that had been done to them all. None of them had chosen this life, yet it had all happened just the same.

"I don't know what to say Severus except that you need help. I am sending you to St. Mungo's for counseling and rehabilitation to see if you overcome this problem. Meanwhile you are restricted from speaking to or seeing Miss Evans. You may not return until after Christmas and possibly not for the rest of the school year," Dumbledore said and Severus nodded, his eyes looked pained. "James you may go to see Lily now, she is waiting for you."

James left Dumbledore's office, feeling confused and heartbroken. Lily could never know the real reason that she had been brutalized because she wouldn't be able to bear the fact that she had hurt someone that much. He opened the door to the hospital wing and went straight for Lily. She looked so small and frail in the bed.

"Lily, my love, I'm so sorry for what has happened," he whispered as he leaned down to kiss her. Lily turned her head away from his kiss.

"Don't touch me," she whispered pitifully, "It reminds me of him." She began to cry then and James knew that these tears wouldn't be the last she would shed for her loss of innocence and the way it happened.

"I won't give up on you Lils, even if I have to wait for years to even hold your hand again. I love you and there is nothing in this world that can take that love away from me," he said tenderly. Lily looked into his eyes and knew he was speaking the truth.

"You'll really wait for me James? Until I get better you won't love anyone else?" she asked tearfully. He could see the desperate hope in her eyes and the love that she craved. He knew that he could give her that, and so he did.

"You are the only one for me and if it would help I would sit by your bedside everyday telling you I love you and waiting for you to return to loving me," he promised. Lily's eyes closed and tears leaked out of the corners. She was blessed to be loved by someone so much, even though she felt it was undeserved because at the moment she couldn't return his love if she had wanted to.

Madame Pomfrey walked over to them, but stayed behind a little to see what they were talking about. She was the busybody of Hogwarts. "I'll love you forever Lils," James whispered. Madame Pomfrey smiled. If there was anything a boy could say to his girlfriend in this condition that would be it. She walked over to Lily's bedside.

"She needs some rest," she said and hurried James out of the doors. He took one last look at her and then left. She walked back to Lily with a grin on her face. "There are two magical things that can help a person recover. Spells and words, do you know which work better at mending a broken heart?" Lily looked confused.

"James didn't speak just words to me Madame Pomfrey, those were healing words," she said and then she fell asleep.

"You're right Lily, it's the words that really heal you and James's were definitely healing words," Madame Pomfrey whispered as a lone tear fell down her aging cheek.


	7. Broken Oaths

CH: 7- Broken Oaths

James went back to his dorm and slept the rest of the day. He was emotionally and physically exhausted and his bed never felt so good. He was awoken by loud thuds on the wall outside the dorm. He got up and opened the door, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

"We need to talk James," Sirius said striding into the room his face hard and unfriendly.

"Can't it wait till dinner?" James asked shoving his hair off his forehead. Remus looked at him at then did a double take. James had been crying the proof was in his bloodshot eyes and still damp cheeks. Remus had never known James to cry, about anything. Yet here he was, not caring that the Marauders were watching the pitiful scene.

"It's already after nine Prongs," Peter said rudely, pushing his way to the front. Remus gave Peter a look of warning and then turned back to James who was obviously in need of comfort.

"James, leave her alone. She is no good for you," Sirius begged. "Look at yourself, what you have become and all because you fell in love. Give her up James, please!" James's eyes flashed with extreme hatred.

"Don't you dare say a word against Lily! You can't even understand why I am like this. You don't know who I am anymore!" James roared. Sirius flinched, for the first time in his life he flinched away from James, his best friend.

"We will understand if you tell us. We haven't spent time with you in two months James, tell us, and explain it to us. Make us understand what is going on," Remus said gently touching James's arm. James broke into sobs and put his arms around his friend.

"It's okay James; you're going to be just fine." Remus held him for a long while, knowing that what James would tell them wasn't going to be a good thing. James and Sirius sat on the sofa with Remus and Peter in chairs close by. James was holding Lily's pillow close to him. It sickened Sirius to see James this way, but maybe there was something he could understand.

"Before I say anything, remember, we are all Marauders. What is said between us stays between us, right?" James asked. They all nodded, so James took a deep breath and began. "I know I have been neglecting you guys lately, but you all know I have been after Lily since the first day I met her," all three nodded in agreement. "When she finally said she loved me I couldn't see how life could get any better. She is amazing, wonderful, funny, and sweet and… she is mine. Last night we went to patrol the corridors and… damn it's my entire fault because of my raging hormones," he said bleakly.

"What happened James?" Remus said interrupting and trying to get James back on topic.

"We split up last night, all because I wanted to get back to our dorm and get her back into my arms. We had a good snogging session going. Anyway we split up and when Lily didn't arrive at the dorm 15 minutes after I had, I went looking for her," he broke off, tears were clouding his eyes and his heart ached, it was all his fault.

"Where was she?" Sirius asked, suddenly worried about her. Lily had never been a friend, but she was a fellow Gryffindor and his best friend loved her.

"She was down in the dungeons near the Slytherin common room. Snivellus was standing over her and it was obvious what had just happened. I hit him so many times I lost count and then I took Lily to the hospital wing where she is now. This morning Dumbledore called a meeting in his office where we each gave our side of the story. Snivellus said he did what he did because he loved her and she hated him in return. He is on his way to St. Mungo's for rehabilitation and counseling," James finished with a deep breath and then looked at his three best friends.

"They should have sent him to Azkaban," Sirius whispered furiously, "He deserves it." James suddenly jumped up and looked at the Marauders.

"I have to go speak to Dumbledore, I'm sorry I broke our oath not to fall in love. But the fall was definitely worth it," James took off out the door and down the corridor.

"What do you suppose?" Peter asked wonderingly.

"That's our Prongs, can never keep still for a moment if something is bothering him. Shall we forgive him for loving Lily?" Sirius asked Remus.

"There is nothing to forgive; it was stupid of us to make that oath anyways. We were bound to fall in love sooner or later. It just happened sooner for James, but I believe everything will be okay for us now," Remus said as he looked at the door, "Prongs has come back to us."

James stood in front of the griffin guarding Dumbledore's door. His jumbled thoughts were keeping him from remembering the password. "Chocolate frogs? Licorice Wands? Sugar Quills? Fizzing Whizbies? Butterbeer?" The griffin jumped aside and James walked up into the revolving staircase.

"Professor Dumbledore I need to speak with you," James said breathlessly as he sat down in a chair in front of the desk. Dumbledore gazed at him intently over his half-moon spectacles and then he sighed wearily.

"I knew you would be coming to see me James, but I didn't realize it would be so soon. There are things you want to know and I am afraid that I cannot tell you all of them, no matter how much you deserve to hear them," he said softly, his eyes tearing up. He loved James like a son, and some of this news would hurt him.

"Why didn't Severus go to Azkaban? Rape is charged the same way everywhere, a man should go to prison," James said quickly.

"James, believe me when I say if it had been any other person or any other situation he would have. We both know how sick he is, and he won't get any help at Azkaban. In St. Mungo's he will receive the help he needs to come back to the wizarding world."

"Why should he come back? He could rape her again," James cried, tears now falling down his cheeks.

"James, I know this is going to hurt but I also believe you have a right to know. Severus will be one of our greatest assets in the final battle between Voldemort and us. How great I cannot say, but I can say that he will help your family more than you realize. He will help you, your wife and your child," Dumbledore finished. James was bewildered.

"How can you know such things? How can you be sure?" James demanded, his heart thumping.

"Prophecies don't only come to those who have the sight James. They come to the person who needs to hear them the most…"

James walked past the hospital wing for the third time, trying to decide whether or not he should go in. Finally Madame Pomfrey walked into the hall.

"If you think you are going to pace this hallway all night, you're wrong. Either get in here to speak to Miss Evans or go back to your dorm." James walked in eagerly and sat on a stool beside Lily's bed.

"James, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be in bed," she said weakly. She saw the tears in his eyes, and noticed that he had been crying. "Oh James," she whispered. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, knowing that she wouldn't accept one anywhere else. He then looked into her eyes and saw the grief and pain she was suffering.

"Is there anything I could do? I won't be able to sleep if I go back to the Head's dorm. It will be hard because I know that you should be there with me. I can't sleep unless you are near me," he said, his heart aching to hold her.

"I'm sorry that I can't say what you want to hear James, someday you will again,' she promised, her voice broken with emotion.

"You have all the time in the word Lils, I told you that this afternoon. Take forever if you need it," he said and kissed her palm. It took all of her willpower not to pull it away.

"I don't deserve you," Lily told him, "you could do so much better than me." James knew what was coming and he put a finger to her lips.

"Don't do this to yourself Lily. Remember the letter you wrote me? Where you gave me your heart? That is a gift I will never return to you. I'm selfish; you've given it to me and I'm keeping it. This is a promise you cannot break," he said sternly.

"Why did I have to fall in love with such a stubborn person?" she asked in an almost teasing voice.

"Hell if I know. You're just lucky I guess." That brought laughter; real laughter out of her and her shoulders shook with mirth. She cupped his hand in her face and caressed it with her thumb.

"Yes, I am lucky. From the day you said forever I've been lucky. I agree that I won't break my promise. You can keep my heart," she said and this time she was teasing him.

"Good, because I'd never let you go."

"Okay, okay. You've had enough time visiting. It's time for you to leave Mr. Potter, you can see her again tomorrow," Madame Pomfrey said with a voice that was not so stern. She winked as she let him out. "If all girls going through this had a boyfriend like you, there would be a quicker recovery date," then she shut the door.

James walked up to the Gryffindor common room. He hadn't been there since the last day of term his sixth year. He stood at the portrait of the fat lady for several minutes before realizing that he didn't know the password and he would either have to sleep on the ground outside the common room or go back to the head's dorm. James opted for the ground, because it didn't hold any memories for him like the head's dorm did.

The portrait suddenly swung open and Sirius was there, staring down at him. James just looked at him for a few moments, wondering if he would be welcome in the Marauders dorm with them. "We have your bed all set up Prongs. Come upstairs with me," Sirius said and helped him to his feet. James knew he didn't deserve his friends, he had treated them so badly lately, but none of them mentioned it as he climbed into his old four-poster.

"Good night Prongs," Remus said yawning.

"Good night Moony," James replied and before he knew it he fell asleep.


	8. Time and love Heals all Wounds

CH: 8- Time (and Love) heals all Wounds

For the next month James visited Lily everyday in the hospital wing. It got so that Lily thought of it as a daily ritual. He came every morning, between classes, at lunch, after classes and after dinner to say goodnight. She looked forward to each and every one, because she knew that each time he said I love you, or brushed her forehead with a kiss, her heart was mending a little. James walked into the hospital wing with Lily's homework in his arms. He leaned down to kiss her forehead and then he smiled down at her.

"How is my sweet Lily doing today?" he asked as he sat in his regular seat.

"After four weeks of lying in this bed nearly 24 hours a day? I'm ready to get back into the swing of things, as long as you can keep… him, away from me," Lily said swallowing back bile at the thought of Severus. She was still having problems saying his name.

"He is still in St. Mungo's Lily. Don't worry about it," James said comfortingly. When this didn't work he changed tactics. "When do you think you'd like to start school again?" James asked pulling out his and Lily's Transfiguration books.

"Tomorrow," she said and when James looked into her eyes he knew she meant it.

"Will you come back to the dorm with me tonight?" he asked hopefully. Lily smiled at the boyish grin on his face and she caressed his cheek softly.

"Madame Pomfrey has been told to let me out when I feel ready, so if you'll help me I'd like to go back tonight." She laughed as he picked her up and headed for the door.

"Not yet, I still have to speak to Madame Pomfrey."

James looked into the face of the woman he loved and had the overwhelming need to kiss her, to make her forget everything but this moment. Without thinking he leaned his head down to hers. The moment before either lip met James heard Madame Pomfrey clear her throat and he looked up.

"I would appreciate it if you would wait until Miss Evans is released from here to pursue your romantic fantasies." James blushed and put Lily back on her bed.

"I'd like to go back to my dorm tonight Poppy," Lily said softly. Madame Pomfrey's eyes softened.

"I've told you that you can leave when you are ready. Come back to visit me soon dear. I've become accustomed to our little chats," she said and then leaned down to hug Lily tightly. She then turned on James.

"You treat her right young man; I have the utmost faith in you."

"I won't disappoint you or her," he promised.

Lily watched as James grabbed their bags and got her things ready to go. She hadn't realized how much she wanted to go back to their little dorm. It felt so much like home and they had so many good memories there that Lily couldn't wait to step through the doorway again. The only problem was she wasn't ready for people to ask her where she had been and what had happened.

"Maybe I should wait until after nine," Lily said worriedly. She knew that she would have to face everyone in the morning but she would rather do it after a good night rest.

"I have an idea Lily, I'll be right back," James said and was out the door before Lily could even ask him what it was. He was back in less than ten minutes, his face flushed and his eyes bright.

"I'm going to share a secret with you Lily. I know that I can trust you," he said mysteriously. Lily was near to bursting with excitement when she noticed a tightly wadded ball of material under James arm.

"What is that?" She asked suspiciously.

"This is the secret," he announced and then he unrolled a silvery robe. "It's an invisibility cloak Lily, with it on you can walk right beside me to our dorm and you can go unnoticed." Lily's eyes widened as he put it around himself. She couldn't see him. Suddenly she felt him take her hand and pull her up. In moments the cloak was wrapped around them both and Lily was pressed against him.

"Look in the mirror," he whispered as he kissed the edge of her ear. Lily shivered and did what she was told. It was slightly disconcerting to know that you were standing directly in front of a mirror and not see yourself.

"Will this work? Are you sure I won't bring any attention to us at all?" Lily asked worriedly, turning in his arms so she was face to face with him.

"As long as you stay close to me you don't have to worry about a thing," James promised and kissed her ear again.

Lily looked into his handsome face and grinned. "Let's do it."

The moment they were out in the hallway after bidding Madame Pomfrey a tearful goodbye, Lily slipped the cloak on and followed James to their dorm. They were nearly there when Sirius walked by and struck up a conversation. "Hey Prongs, want to play some exploding snap with Moony and I? We'll have some butterbeer and eat Honeyduke's chocolate till we pass out," He suggested. Lily silently groaned, why did Sirius have to talk to James now?

"I have some work to do Padfoot my boy. You know that composition for Muggle Studies? I haven't even started it yet," James said shifting his bag.

"Headed toward the library then? What would Lily think?" Sirius teased and Lily noticed how red he went. She knew that she would have to ask him about that later.

"No, the Head's dorm has its own private library and I'm sure that I can get a lot more accomplished there," James replied, his face still glowing.

"I'm sure you can. You won't get much done otherwise. So are you coming back to Gryffindor tower after your done? Wormtail reckons we can have a superb pillow fight with those new feather pillows," Sirius said with a gleam in his eyes.

"I'm going to sleep in the Head's dorm tonight, I need a little peace and quiet after last night's romp in the land of feather pillows," James retorted. Sirius laughed and thumped him on the shoulder.

"I hope Lily gets better soon, and then you can sleep in the dorm without nightmares,' Sirius teased gently and walked off. James looked extremely uncomfortable and began walking the few remaining steps to their dorm. As soon as they were inside Lily flung off the cloak and rounded on him, her emerald eyes flashing.

"We have a few things to discuss," she said pointing to the sofa. James sighed in resignation and sat down, his head in his hands. "First of which is what I feel is the most important. You have had nightmares and not said a word to me? I thought we trusted each other? Don't love and trust go hand in hand? When did you start keeping secrets from me?" Lily asked quietly. It hurt her to see him like this, keeping things from her and being so scared of something.

"Oh Lils," James whispered and moved to take her into his arms and then he stopped at the frightened expression on her face. All he wanted to do was hold her and because of Severus he couldn't even comfort the woman he loved. "Every time I close my eyes in here without you I see the way you were Halloween night. First happy and in love and then beaten and bruised. I can't sleep anymore," he said softly. Lily ached for him and what he had gone through. She understood she wasn't the only one to suffer, but it wasn't easy to comprehend. She moved a little closer to him and then cautiously took his hand in hers and held onto it tightly, forcing herself to even put forward this much effort of affection.

"I can forgive you for keeping that away from me, I understand why you did. Now let's move onto the more interesting question. Why do you never get any work accomplished in the library and why would I not approve?" she asked with a teasing smile. James blushed a brilliant scarlet and turned his eyes away. He said something that sounded suspiciously like "snogging".

"Excuse me?" Lily choked.

"It's where I go to snog girls all right," he muttered, his ears now red as well. Lily flung her arms around him and laughed joyfully. Her inhibitions finally left her. This was the man she loved and if she couldn't be affectionate with him how could she around others?

"I guess you'll have to stop that now, won't you. We can snog right here in our dorm," Lily said softly and before James could react she pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He was stunned and couldn't react, was scared that if he did react she would think of Him and run to her dorm. She pulled away and looked into his eyes, his beautiful hazel eyes and smiled faintly. "This will take a bit of work on both our parts James. I should have realized you wouldn't want a girl who been used."

"That isn't it at all Lils, I'm worried that I will hurt you somehow and then nothing would be right between us. I told you I love you and I won't take it back," James said almost angrily. How could she think something like that of him?

"Goodnight James," she whispered and without another word she went to her room and closed the door with a sickening thud that reverberated in his stomach. He walked to his own room, dragging his feet and muttering to himself. Nothing was going right and it was his entire fault. "Damn you Prongs, only you could mess up this bad." He slept in their living room that night, on the sofa, hugging her pillow close to his heart. It was the only way he could sleep any at all.

Lily woke up and looked at the clock; it was only just after eleven. She got up and walked into the living room and smiled. James was half off the sofa with his glasses askew and her pillow clutched tightly to him. She walked over and saw that there was no room for her to sit down so she pinched his arm. His eyes fluttered opened and he saw her looking like an angel in the moonlight.

"What are you doing here?" he whispered.

"Scoot over, I'd like to sit down to you know," she said and when he didn't move she sighed and sprawled atop him, placing her head on her crossed arms over his chest. "We need to talk. I'm sorry that I said that about you James, you didn't deserve it and I was just feeling horrible about myself so I said the first thing that came to my mind. I know you love me," she admitted, tracing circles on his chest. He caught her chin in is hand and then forced her to look into his eyes. Before she could utter a syllable more he placed his lips firmly on hers.

"I believe this is where we left off Halloween night," James murmured, covering her face in tiny kisses.

"I think so. James, make me forget him, what he did to me. Please love me, even though I can't tell you the words yet," she begged.

In response he caught her up in a kiss that took her breath away so she couldn't concentrate. She kissed him hungrily, for she was hungry for him and had been for a month now. Every small kiss he had given her, whether on the forehead, cheek, palm, whatever came to her memory and she kissed him for everything she had missed in a month.

"I love you Lily."

His hands began to caress her back, running up and down and into her hair, behind her neck to press her lips closer to his. If he hadn't been holding her so tightly she would have shivered from the sheer joy of being loved again. She had begun the real healing process and it was up to James to help her finish it. She broke their kiss and laid her head on his chest, both of them breathing deeply.

"Just hold me tonight James, it is all I ask," she whispered. He smoothed her hair down in what had become a familiar gesture and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"As you wish sweetheart," he said and he did. He held her like that the entire night, their bodies close and their hearts beating against each other, like one.


	9. Meeting the Parents

CH: 9- Meeting the Parents

December passed in a blur, the days were long and homework-filled and the Christmas holiday was quickly approaching. Lily and James were sitting in their common room doing an essay on "How to Escape an Unforgivable Curse," for Defense against the Dark Arts when Lily suddenly stopped.

"Would you like to come home with me for the Christmas holidays?" she blurted. James nearly laughed at the look on her face. She must have been waiting to ask him that for over a week.

"Of course I would," he said softly and leaned over to kiss her on the top of her head.

"I want them to meet the man who loves their daughter. I've told them a lot about you," she whispered shyly. His heart ached a little for she had not said, "the man I love." He knew she loved him, but he wanted to hear the words. He sighed and looked into her eyes, they were pleading with him to give her more time.

"I can't wait," he said with a grin and Lily, now relaxed a bit, went right back to work.

James moved his chair closer to hers and then put his arms around her shoulder, almost casually. They hadn't kissed since Lily's first night back. James knew that she had tried to rush things but wasn't comfortable yet. He wanted her to be completely sure of him and their relationship before they kissed again. Every night they slept on the sofa, holding each other tightly. If the Marauders had known they would have made some crude comments, but it wasn't a sexual thing, it was purely emotional. Lily needed the comfort of his arms at night and he willingly held her.

James looked at the clock and yawned. It was already past midnight and he wasn't even close to finished. Lucky for him the next day was Saturday and they could sleep in with no classes. "I'm ready for bed," Lily said with a yawn and then smiled at James. "What?" she asked as she noticed him grinning at her.

"I'm ready for bed too. I'll see you in the morning," he said and gathered up his things to put in his school trunk. Lily looked worried.

"You aren't sleeping in your room are you?" she asked nervously, looking at her own room in what James interpreted to be an anguished look.

"We need to get used to it Lily, I doubt your parents are going to let us sleep in the same room, let alone the same bed at your house, no matter how innocent it is," he said sadly. Lily hadn't even thought about sleeping without James since she had come back from the hospital wing. The very mention of it frightened her.

"I need you," she whispered achingly. James saw a tear fall down her cheek and knew that the prospect of sleeping alone, without him, terrified her. He rushed to her side and took her in his arms.

"Shh, sweetheart, I can't sleep without you in my arms either," he told her, trying to soothe her.

"What will happen during the holidays?" she asked tearfully. "My parents will never agree to let us sleep anywhere close to each other."

"We will face that obstacle when the time comes, I'll hold you in my arms every night until then," he promised and she kissed his lips softly, almost like she would a brother.

"Thank you James," she said and put her hand to his face. He turned his lips into it and kissed her palm.

"I love you Lily."

The train ride to Kings Cross Station was nerve-wracking for James. He was going to meet her parents. The parents of the girl her loved and would one day (hopefully) marry. He had never been more intimidated by anything in his life. "Tell me about your family, what is your sister like?" he asked trying to learn all he could about them in a few hours.

"My sister Petunia and I were best friends until the day I got my Hogwarts letter. Everything changed almost minutes afterwards…"

flashback

_It was a hot day in mid-July; Lily and Petunia were outside playing in the cottage behind their house. Laurie Evans ran outside and opened the door to the cottage; she had a startled look on her face._

"_Lily, an owl is here with a letter for you," she said and Lily laughed at her, her mother was always saying funny things._

"_Thanks mum. I'll get it after Petunia and I are done painting the bathroom," Lily told her, shrugging it off._

"_I'm serious Lily, you had better come inside with me." Puzzled, Lily walked inside the main house and saw to her surprise a large brown owl on the table with paper tied to its leg. Sure enough when she got close she could see it was made out to Lily Evans. She pulled it off the owl and began to read hesitantly._

Dear Miss Evans,

We hereby inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry…

_She finished the letter and then passed it to her mother without saying a word. Laurie read it and then hugged her daughter tightly and kissed her cheek. "Oh this is wonderful darling. I should have known something was going on when you were a baby and you made your dolls dance. I'm so proud of you!" she turned to Petunia, "Isn't it wonderful sweetheart?" Petunia glared at her and then at Lily with hatred and jealousy in her eyes._

"_You're a freak, that's all. You're a witch!" she hurled at her and then ran out of the room, tears flying off her face. Lily looked up at her mother with fear in her eyes._

"_I'm not evil, am I mum?" she asked worriedly. Laurie shook her head and hugged Lily again._

"_It isn't your fault. Petunia is jealous, surely that is obvious. She just wants you to be exactly like her…"_

flashback over

Tears clouded Lily's eyes and she sighed. It was so hard for her to remember how close she and Petunia had been and then how much she had been hated. "Oh Lils, I'm so sorry," he whispered and kissed her cheek. "Your mother was right - it wasn't your fault."

"Tell me about your childhood, James, make me smile," Lily asked him, holding onto his hand tightly. James grinned at her and for the rest of the journey to London he regaled her with his boyhood antics.

"I stole my dad's wand and tried to make our house-elf Frisk into a bat. He grew wings and chased me up into my father's study where I had to apologize and give the wand back. I was nine at the time," he said with a grin. Lily laughed and snuggled up into James's arms.

"I don't know why I didn't give you a chance before, James," she whispered sleepily.

"I do, I was a brainless, boasting git. In your words m'dear, a bullying toerag," he teased and then kissed her head again.

"Did I say that?" she asked, knowing full well she had.

"Let's just say I never forget a word you've said, insult or compliment," he admitted. Lily looked up at him, astonishment in her emerald eyes.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

They arrived at the station a few minutes later, Lily excited and James anxious. The moment they stepped through the barrier Lily's smiled brightened, if possible, and she let go of his hand to rush into the outstretched arms of an attractive older woman with thick blonde hair.

"My sweet little Lily, how are you dear?" Laurie asked kissing her daughter repeatedly.

"Fine mum, I'm absolutely wonderful now." She turned to James, pride and love shining in her eyes. "This is James Potter, mum, he is my boyfriend."

Laurie looked slightly surprised but gave him a big hug. "We have heard so much about you over the years. You must be pretty patient to have waited so long for Lily to come around."

"Not patient," James said tenderly, "just lucky." Laurie smiled widely, he was exactly how Lily had described him and he was perfect for her daughter.

"Well we had better get home, I have dinner in the oven and from the looks of Petunia's fiancée Vernon, he could eat it all himself if we don't watch him," Laurie said with a sparkle in her eyes. James liked her immensely; she reminded him of his own mother and hoped that Lily would someday get to meet her. "This way to the car dears…"

"You'll love my husband; he is eagerly expecting your arrival. I think he wants to speak with you," Laurie said to James as they pulled into the driveway. James got out and took his first look at Lily's home; it was a beautiful two story Victorian with a cottage in back.

James waited nervously for Lily to walk over to him so he could meet her father. She took his hand and walked slowly up toward her house, reveling in the moment. She was bringing James home to meet her parents! The door opened and her father walked out, his arms open. Lily ran to him, letting go of James and throwing her arms around a red-headed man.

"I missed you so much, Daddy," she said softly. Harold Evans kissed the top of his daughter's head and then he saw James.

"Who is this young man? Could it possibly be James Potter? The boy you have hated for all these years?" he teased. Lily groaned and put her hand to her head.

"That's me," James said and shook Harold hand enthusiastically. He liked Harold immensely; he was definitely not what James had expected. James had expected a big hulking man with scowling eyes and a deep voice telling him to leave Lily alone, anything but this small good natured, bright eyed man, who had welcomed him into the family with a grin.


	10. Christmas Gifts

CH: 10- Christmas Gifts

"Petunia!" Lily shouted excitedly as she saw her sister. She ran and hugged her tightly, love shining from her eyes. "You got engaged daddy tells me. Why didn't you send me a letter?"

"I don't like Grimm," Petunia said stiffly and then her attention turned to James. "Who are you?"

"I am James Potter, you must be Lily's sister Petunia," he said trying to smile at her in a friendly way. Vernon cleared his throat and stepped in.

"I don't care who you are, take your hands away from my fiancé," he said gruffly and pulled James hand away. James looked around the room in astonishment. This was a family and yet they were so far apart in emotions. "Who the hell is Grimm?" Vernon asked.

"My owl, he is black so I called him Grimm," she said softly, looking to James for help.

"You have a pet owl? What kind of a person are you?" Vernon roared. Just then Laurie stepped in and announced that dinner was ready. It was a good thing too, because James was about to murder Vernon for yelling at Lily.

Dinner was an interesting affair, Petunia sat and pecked at her food, oddly quiet and reserved. Vernon on the other hand wouldn't shut up; he had several opinions and felt the world had to know them. Lily tried to hold back her laughter as his criticism moved to James.

"Your hair needs a good trimming; it's far too long and messy to be appropriate. I get mine trimmed once a month to keep it short and orderly, that's what runs a life, order," he said firmly through a mouthful of sausage. He kept it up for a good ten minutes, explaining that a gentleman's looks were his greatest asset and he had to play them for all he was worth. Lily and James left the table a short time later and entered the front parlor.

"I guess Vernon isn't worth much then is he?" James mused thoughtfully as he and Lily sat on the sofa. She laughed softly and curled up in his arms.

"I wonder what he would think of Sirius. Vernon would die of shock to see that mane of hair," Lily teased. James smiled down at her and kissed her forehead softly, enclosing her fingers in his.

"I think we should introduce them, maybe Padfoot could shut him up and whip him into shape," James replied. Lily burst into giggles as she imagined Sirius standing over a quivering Vernon Dursley.

"He is rather large isn't he?" Lily giggled into James shoulder. James grabbed her chin and forced her to look him in the eye.

"I miss you," he whispered thickly. Lily knew instantly what he was talking about. He missed her kisses and caresses, the way she told him she loved him as they held each other. She missed him too she decided and hugged herself closer to the contours of his body.

"Soon James, I promise it'll be soon. I miss you too," she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"Isn't this lovely?" Vernon asked as he and Petunia strolled into the room. Lily turned her eyes away from James to stare at her soon-to-be brother-in-law.

"Is it a crime to hold each other?" Lily asked in a sickeningly sweet voice. Petunia looked guilty and shifted her eyes to the floor. "We'll leave," Lily said softly and stood up facing her sister, "but first I need to ask Petunia a question."

Lily reached out both her hands to her sister and waited patiently. James couldn't understand what was going on and to his great glee, neither did Vernon. Petunia stared at her hands as if they were a snake and as a tear fell down her cheek she put her hands almost hesitantly in Lily's.

"Tell him the truth if you love him. He will be better off if he hears it from you," Lily said and wiped the tear from her sisters eye. Suddenly the tear became a sob and Petunia collapsed on the sofa, her shoulders shaking. Vernon looked from Lily to Petunia and then exploded.

"What have you done to her? Why is she upset? The truth about what?" he yelled as Lily took James's hand and walked out the door. James waited until Lily had pulled him outside and sat in the swing to say anything.

"What was all that about Lils? Why was Petunia crying like that?" James asked. Lily sighed and threaded her fingers through James's, holding his hand tightly.

"When we were little we had this special thing we did. When I wanted to get her to answer a question she didn't want to answer I would hold out my hands to her so she could take them for comfort. She knew the question I was going to ask; I ask it on the first night back from school every year. I always ask her if she is ashamed of me, her tears were a sign that she is and Vernon obviously doesn't know," Lily explained gently. James watched the tears form in her eyes; he knew what hell it was to love someone who doesn't love you in return. He decided to change the subject.

"What is that cottage being used for?" he asked pointing to it. Lily began to grin and she stood up, the swing hitting her in the back of her legs.

"Nothing that I am aware of, it used to be Petunia and my playhouse but we haven't set foot in it since the day I received my letter from Hogwarts. I want you to see it," she said and pulled him over, laughing when he picked her up and carried her over. He let her down to open the door and he saw her smile fade.

Looking into the cottage was like taking a stroll down memory lane, but there had been major road construction. When Lily had left for school the cottage had been half-painted, half-carpeted and unfurnished. Now she was looking at a completely finished little house. She stepped inside to look around.

The walls were a pretty baby blue, a beige carpet covered the floor and there were little lace curtains in the window. Lily noticed that their furniture had been installed as well; the sofa, chairs and coffee table were now tastefully arranged in the sitting room. Lily walked to the kitchen and gasped. She and Petunia hadn't even started the work on the kitchen and yet it was done. China plates filled the cabinets and an oak table and chairs were in the dead center of the room, gleaming beautifully. She ran her hand along the table and felt the smooth polished surface beneath.

James had followed her in and watched her face become radiant and surprised as she walked into each room. Finally she came to a little bedroom and she opened the door. This was the room that she had claimed for herself when she was four years old. She walked to the bed and sat down; it was a canopy, something she had always said she wanted. Everything was fragile and beautiful, everything Lily had ever wanted in a room. The bed sunk with her weight, the covers were soft and warm, and tears began to form in her eyes. They fell on a small card on the bedside table, which she picked up and saw her name written on the envelope in familiar writing. She opened it quickly and read the card.

_Dear Lily,_

_I know how much you have always loved this cottage. It's yours now, my Christmas gift to you. I love you Lily._

_Petunia_

James watched as Lily was reduced to heaving sobs, but he knew when to comfort her and when not to and now was definitely not the time. She looked so beautiful though on that canopy bed, her thick coppery hair spilling down her shoulders and her lovely emerald eyes swimming with tears. She looked up at him and then she reached her arms out to him. Now he could hold her. He rushed to the bed and knelt in front of her, enveloping her in his arms. Her hair was silky and soft in his hands and it smelt of lilies, if he had a choice he would hold her forever.

"She did this for me James, Petunia fixed up the cottage for me, and" Lily wept softly; "she really does still love me."

"She isn't the only one who loves you Lils," he whispered tenderly in her ear. His warm breath sent shivers down her spine and made her body feel tingly. She hugged him tightly, spreading her fingers up into his thick black hair.

"I know James, just keep on loving me, and don't stop. Not yet when I am so close to recovery," she pleaded.

"Don't worry sweetheart, this is one promise I'll keep or die trying."

James told Lily's parents he was going to sleep in the cottage during his visit with them. They were delighted, but only they knew the reason. They could see the cottage from their bedroom window and if James or Lily decided to go for a midnight walk, they would see them. What they didn't know was James had cleverly packed his invisibility cloak away for just such an occasion. He had to use it, if only to save both him and Lily from the nightmares they had without each other, it was purely innocent, or so James kept telling himself.

He tucked her in that night, kissing her hands as he held them tightly. She looked so vulnerable and lonely that he was tempted to throw caution to the wind and crawl into bed with her immediately.

"Either one of us can use the cloak," he whispered gently as he kissed her ear, "it's all up to you Lily. I want to hold you in arms so badly it hurts, but if you'd rather keep it low profile for this two week period I understand." He leaned down to kiss her lips lightly, like a brother would when she put her hands to his cheeks to look him directly in the eye.

"If you don't hold me tonight I'll brain you," she whispered threateningly. James grinned at the look of fierce determination on her face.

"Would you like to wear the cloak then?" he teased.

"I don't feel comfortable in it," she sighed dramatically. He kissed her cheek, grinning like a fool and then left the room. "I'll be waiting," Lily whispered.

When James finally got up to Lily's room that night she was already asleep, but he knew she would make him miserable if she didn't wake up in his arms. He would already be miserable without her, so why make them both suffer? He lowered himself to her bed, making sure his cloak was covering him completely. It would be awkward if her parents came in to check on her and found a disembodied arm wrapped around their daughter. He stretched out beside her, stroking her hair and was quickly lulled to sleep by her even breathing. This became their nightly pattern for the next week; after everyone was asleep he would go to her room and curl up beside her, letting her gain comfort in knowing he was there.

Christmas Eve dinner was delicious. Laurie made roast and potatoes. Lily and James sat close together hand in hand and smiling widely. They were happiest when they were together, which was all the time. Life was looking up for everyone it seemed, but Petunia and Vernon. Petunia once again picked at her food while Vernon complained, this time it was about her.

"You damn well should have told me the truth. I deserve to know about your family shouldn't I? I am marrying you am I not?" He demanded. Petunia cowered slightly and a silent tear rolled down her cheek. Laurie and Harold watched their oldest daughter sympathetically; she had poor choice in men.

"If you care about her, it shouldn't matter that she was too embarrassed to tell you. I mean you wouldn't be bragging about having a witch for a sister would you?" James asked pleasantly. The entire family turned to him; this was a surprising turn of events. Someone was sticking up for Petunia's behavior.

"Shut up boy," growled Vernon furiously, "I wasn't speaking to you." He then turned to Lily, "Say nothing you witch, I want to leave here in one piece."

"Apologize to Lily!" James snapped, standing up and rising to his full 6 feet of muscle and strength. Vernon cowered in his seat and looked to Petunia for help, but she was looking at her plate in fear. James grabbed Vernon by the shirt cuff, "Apologize!"

"Sorry," Vernon mumbled and rushed out of the room.

"You've done it now Lily, you have ruined my life just like I knew you would," Petunia cried and ran out of the room after Vernon. Tears sprang to Lily's eyes as she looked at her parents; they were both staring at the door.

"I'm sorry," Lily whispered and left the room. James watched her go and realized the only thing she had ever truly wanted was to be loved by Petunia.

"I'll go make sure she is okay," James said politely and then left the room as well.

"Do you think he really cares for her Harold?" Laurie asked worriedly. Harold put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it tightly.

"He loves her very much, she isn't a little girl anymore Laurie," he said softly.

"I know she isn't and that is what worries me."

James found her out in the cottage, it had become her… no their refuge from the world. It was their special place where they could be together without anyone else and for the few brief moments they had, they were James and Lily in love and happy. He saw her curled up on the sofa, her face almost emotionless.

"Sweetheart? Are you alright?" James asked as he shut the door and moved to her side.

"Tomorrow is Christmas and people should get along on Christmas right? They should love each other," Lily asked pleading with him to agree. When he remained quiet she put her head down and sighed. "I don't even know why I invited you here."

"You invited me here to prove a point; you aren't ashamed of your family at all. Would you like to spend the summer holidays with me? My mum will love you," James whispered. Lily threw her arms around him and smiled.

"I would love to visit your family," she admitted and James buried his face in her hair, grinning like a lunatic. That was one step closer to his final goal, marriage. That was all he had ever wanted since he had met her and it was finally coming true. Without speaking a word he turned her in his arms so they were lying on the sofa, bodies pressed tightly together.

"We will go inside in a little while, just let me hold you for a bit," James pleaded. Lily rested her cheek on his chest and was asleep almost instantly; comforted by his strong arms and his caressing movements up and down her back. It was the first time he had really held her since Hogwarts; it was comfortable, familiar and so very right. He followed her into dreams soon afterward.

When he awoke it was just after midnight and Lily was holding him as if she would drown if she let him go. He smiled and kissed her head softly. He would be in very large amounts of trouble if he didn't get her back into the house soon, sighing he pulled out of her arms and went to get the cloak.

Lily stretched wide as she woke up and turned to put her arms around James, but he wasn't there. At first she was afraid, why wasn't he there? Then she was furious, how dare he leave her when he knew damn well she needed him? Then she heard him snoring from the chair in the corner of her room. She couldn't see him but she knew he was there.

She got out of bed with fury all over her face, she wanted to kill him… and kiss him. Oh well… kill him first and get it out of the way, she decided and pulled the cloak off him.

"Jamesie boy, you are in for it now," she said angrily and he awoke as she hit him hard in the gut. His eyes fluttered and he let out his breath in a whoosh. "How dare you scare me like that!" she accused.

"I'm sorry!" he cried and as suddenly as she had been upset, she was happy again and she kissed his cheek.

"Thank you for staying with me," she soothed and then took his hand to lead him down to breakfast. James's head was still reeling from her violent (literally) mood swing.

"We were about to open gifts without you," Harold said cheerfully as he spotted them coming downstairs. He looked as if he were a child again his face was radiating joviality. Obviously he hadn't noticed that they had walked downstairs together.

"I'll pass out the gifts," Petunia said cheerfully. She looked as if everything had been resolved with Vernon for he was grinning at her almost sappily. Petunia grabbed a gift for each person and handed him or her, a brightly wrapped package. The wrappings flew everywhere as the gift giving began. It took them nearly an hour to go through the bundle underneath the tree. Vernon even handled the magical gifts well, when Lily gave him a small package of Honeyduke's chocolate she had special ordered (at the last minute) for him. James noticed later that he had not received a gift from Lily. When he turned a questioning look on her she blushed and leaned over to him.

"I will give you my gifts later James, they are very personal," she whispered in his ear. Her light breath tickled, but it also made him want her. He had kept his cool for this long, holding her every night, but that small thing sent him spiraling into desire. He was glad he was wearing a thick robe. Later Petunia and Vernon left for his families place, but not before Petunia gave her sister a large hug and kissed her cheek.

"Have a happy Christmas Lily," she said and Lily hugged her tightly.

"You too Petunia."

James for one was happy to have her all to himself, without the prying eyes of the other couple to make him nervous. Lily was wearing his gifts to her, a small gold locket with pictures of them smiling and waving from inside and an emerald green sweater that matched her eyes.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered after they had retreated to the cottage. His heart swelled with pride as he looked at her. Finally after years of fantasizing she was his and he was hers. She came willingly into his arms and raised her lips to his for a kiss. He placed a chaste peck on her lips and then led her to the sofa.

"I want the invisibility cloak tonight James," she said suddenly and he looked at her in surprise, "I need to give you your gifts away from prying eyes."

"Are you sure Lily? I don't want you in trouble for me," he murmured caressing her cheek.

"I'm determined," she said grinning. James tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear and sighed dramatically.

"Then I suppose I have no say in the matter do I?"

"No," Lily said and she captured his lips with hers for a long, deep and very satisfying kiss. It was their first real kiss since the night she had returned from the hospital, it felt so right to finally be opening up to one another.

"Can I have my gift now, or do I really have to wait?" he teased as he nipped at her neck with his teeth.

"Not now, I don't want to risk anything. This is very personal James, I already told you," she told him, enjoying the sensations he was building in her.

"Will I like this gift?" he asked now kissing the sensitive spot behind her ear.

"You had better, or I'll clobber you," she said sweetly and James buried his face in her hair again, trying not to laugh.

"I guess I'll just have to like it then," he sighed again.

"I had better get back inside, give me the cloak and I'll be back in a while," she whispered and pushed him off her. To lessen the hurt of leaving him she kissed him again, softly and with little feeling. She couldn't risk getting carried away.

James racked his brains after she left, wondering what it could possibly be. Maybe it was going to be… what could it be? He thought for over an hour, trying to guess what on earth could be personal but couldn't think of a single thing. What it actually was never crossed his mind.

Lily walked into the cottage an hour later, waiting for the right time when her parents would be asleep. She shrugged off the invisibility cloak and walked toward James in a short white baby doll nightgown that was definitely skimpy to say the least. When he opened his mouth to speak she pressed her fingers to his lips.

"Don't say anything," she begged and then she took his hand and led him into her room. When they got there she turned into his arms and pressed her lips against his, urging him to respond. He did and so violently that she was rocked to the very core of her being. He picked her up and wound her legs around his hips, so that she was pressing against him. His tongue clashed with hers over and over again until they were both panting with need.

"Are you sure about this Lily? You still have time to back out now," he whispered as he laid her on the bed, the virginal white canopy bed.

"I am giving you two gifts James, don't be so callous as to refuse them," she begged as her lips again found his. Her fingers pulled at his shirt and then she pushed it over his head. In moments they were skin-to-skin, mouth-to-mouth, hungry for each other. Lily only had a moment's hesitation when she thought about all the girls he had been with but then she decided that she was going to be the best, so good he would forget everyone else. It _was_ good. It was heat, magic, love and passion all rolled into one sensuous act of lovemaking that Lily wanted to share with one man alone, and that was James.

Later that night James held her tightly, resting his chin on her bare, ivory shoulder and he kissed it softly. "I need to tell you something Lils," He whispered and turned her around to face him, she laid a hand on his chest.

"What is it?" she asked worriedly, she knew what was coming. He was going to tell her how horrible she was in comparison to his other women, but what he said surprised her.

"I know you won't believe this but… you were my first Lily. I have never made love to anyone before you, before tonight." Tears welled up in her eyes as she heard him. Not James Potter, the nymphomaniac of Gryffindor tower. But then when had she ever really believed rumors? She kissed him tenderly.

"Thank you James. That means a lot to me," she whispered and his lips claimed her once again. The fire began again hot and passionate and they were lost in each others touch.

"You said you had two gifts for me," James said later as they lie in bed fully clothed and comforted in the presence of each other.

"I do," she whispered. She took a deep breath, "I love you James Potter, now and forever." Silence fell on them as Lily let her words sink in. He looked her straight in the eye.

"This has been the best Christmas ever Lily. You gave me the only two things you had to give and you gave them to me. I love you so damn much," he said and they held each other, neither speaking, both crying tears of joy and love. They fell asleep holding each other, knowing all was right with the world.


	11. Jealousy

CH: 11- Jealousy

"How were the muggles?" Sirius asked James as he piled his plate with bacon and sausages. It was the first morning back (Sunday, classes would begin the next morning) and James was eating breakfast with his friends while Lily chatted with hers. James knew what she was telling them and he whished she wouldn't. She was undoubtedly telling them all about how they spent their Christmas night making love again and again. He sighed as Lily looked over at him and smiled widely. What he did for love.

"What Padfoot?" he asked suddenly. Sirius grinned at him and slapped his best friend on the back.

"You've gone and shagged her then?" Sirius asked bluntly. James blushed deeply. That was none of anyone else's business, even though James thought that Lily had told everyone, she had probably mentioned the fact that he had been a virgin too. James groaned. "So you have then. What was it like? I've always wondered about Evans, she seemed a little to prissy to be the wildcat in bed I prefer," Sirius said, trying to get James to say something, and he got his wish. James stood up and grabbed Sirius's robes by the collar.

"You say one more word about Lily and I will forget the fact that you are my best friend," James growled and Sirius smiled. They often teased each other and tried to get a one up, but James usually played it cool… this time he couldn't.

"At least I know you aren't dead this morning. Cheer up Prongs, I'm sure that Lily didn't find you too repulsive," Sirius teased and then he ducked as James threw a punch at him. At that exact moment Professor McGonagall walked by the table and gave James a disapproving stare. She marched up to them and shook her wand at them.

"Mr. Potter you are head boy, please try to be an example for the younger students," she said icily and then continued up to the staff table. James glared at Sirius and then he stormed out of the hall, not able to look back for fear that he would beat Sirius to a pulp.

Lily watched him go and she wondered what had happened. Alice and Erin were pestering her about her Christmas break and what had happened between her and James. Lily believed that what had happened between them was no one else's business.

"Come on Lils, we both know that you slept together," Erin said in a teasing voice. Lily's face went white and Erin stopped smiling.

"That is none of your business whether we did or didn't," Lily said furiously. Alice saw the flush began to rise up Lily's cheeks and knew that the storm was coming. Lily always went the same beat red before erupting.

"I could tell the entire school that you have slept with every boy you have dated, including Sirius and Remus, but will I? No, because it is your business. You keep your nose out of mine," she flung at her friend and ran upstairs to her dorm. Erin turned to Alice with a look of eagerness on her face.

"They didn't break up did they?" Erin asked excitedly. Alice stared at her friend in disbelief.

"You acted the same way after you lost your virginity to Sirius. Everything was a big deal, especially about your relationship. Give Lily some time to get used to the fact that she and James are intimate, don't fling it in her face," Alice ordered and Erin turned her attention to her breakfast. Alice watched Lily as she ran up the stairs and wondered if falling in love really hurt that bad.

Lily walked into the Head's room with a sigh of relief. Finally she could think about her holidays without worrying about her friends. She walked to the sofa and sat down, smoothing the fabric down with her fingers and thought about the previous night when James and she had held each other tightly, just being comforted in each others arms. The creak of a door made her look up.

James was standing in the bathroom doorway, wrapped in a towel and shirtless. Lily's breath caught as she stared at the beauty of him. His hair was wet and wild, a bead of water streamed down his face and onto his broad, muscular chest. Without saying a word he walked over to her and picked her up in his arms, his head lowering to kiss her gently.

She ran her hands up his chest and locked her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a more thorough kiss. Their tongue's clashed and mated sweetly, seeking the glorious release they would soon find. She didn't even notice when he sat her down on the desk, spreading her legs and stepping between them, pushing himself as close to her as possible. She wrapped her legs around him willingly, wanting to feel him once again, inside her.

He soon dispensed with her shirt and was kissing her neck, working his way down. He bit her neck gently and Lily shivered, it felt so good to be loved by James. His tongue was making tiny circles on the area he had just nipped. She knew she would die soon if they didn't make love.

"I need you Lily; you're in my blood now. I close my eyes and you are always there, eating at my mind till I am aching with want," he kissed her lips again and unzipped her jeans.

"I love you James," she murmured as she kissed him back, "I love you so much."

"That is a good thing, because I wouldn't do this with someone I didn't love and who didn't feel the same way about me," he whispered. They made love quickly and hungrily, thoroughly satisfying them both.

"I don't know if I will ever look at this desk the same way again," Lily teased as he pulled her off and into his arms.

"I should hope not. I think it works better for things other than homework," he said softly and she could see the glimmer of mischief in his eyes. "I love you Evans," he told her tenderly as he brushed back a lock of hair and put it behind her ear.

"Will it always be this way for us James? This wonderful heart wrenching feeling of desire and love?" she asked as she leaned against him, her body fitting into the contours of his. He kissed the top of her head gently.

"For us it will sweetheart, because we are meant to be together," he whispered into her ear. "We had better get dressed Lils, I have had you all to myself for too long as your friends would say, so I have to share you. Alice and Erin are planning an outside thing for today, so I suggest you put on something warmer than that," he teased. Lily looked up into his eyes defiantly.

"What if I want to lock myself up in this room with you?" She asked as she ran her hand over the muscles in his chest.

"I wouldn't mind, but your friends might. Now go and change," he said and slapped her bottom playfully. Lily giggled and then kissed him sweetly. She picked up her clothing in an almost defiant way, and sauntered to her room. It was all he could do not to run after her and make love to her again, but it definitely had appeal.

"Put me down!" Lily shrieked noisily as James swept her up into his arms and tossed her over his shoulder. "I know what you are going to do James Potter and you had better put me down right now!"

"If you insist," James said indifferently.

Erin, Alice, Frank and the Marauders watched as James casually tossed Lily into a large snowdrift. After several minutes she pulled herself out of the snow and spit it out of her mouth. She stood up resolutely, her face flushed and her clothes wet, and they watched as she brushed the snow off her jacket in a very careless way. James seemed to be enjoying the fact that he was winning their little battle and he did a little victory dance.

"She'll get him back," Erin predicted in her drawling voice. She had hoped to get Lily away from James, but it seemed impossible. Those two were attached at the hip.

Sure enough when James's back was turned Lily gathered up an armful of snow and dumped it on his head. He looked shocked for a moment, as if no girl had ever retaliated before and then a smile spread over his face.

"Is that the best you've got Evans?" he asked in a bored tone. He got what he wanted, Lily hurled herself into his arms and they toppled backward into the snow. They were so immersed in each other they didn't realize that they were attracting envious stares from their friends.

"If you two can stop pawing each other for a few minutes, then maybe we can go inside and get some lunch!" Sirius called to them and James's head came up.

"You're just jealous Padfoot my boy, because you haven't got anyone to paw," he called back. Lily shoved him off her and stood up, giggling in spite of herself. She helped James to his feet and then placed a quick kiss to his lips.

"I'm hungry!" Erin complained as Lily and James joined their friends. Lily sighed, Erin was always complaining about something lately.

"Let's get you inside and fed then," Remus said worriedly and walked Erin inside the castle. Lily shook her head as she watched them. Hadn't Remus learned from his first time with Erin?

"What do you think? Are we going outside for another snow excursion after lunch?" Peter asked as they all sat around the table eating their beef stew. Alice and Frank both looked thoughtful and Erin looked bored, a fact which worried Remus.

"I know what we should do," Sirius said excitedly. The entire group turned to look at him. "Who is up for a Hogsmeade visit? We can stock up on all the after Christmas goodies," he suggested.

"How are we supposed to get in all knowing one," Erin asked sarcastically. Sirius gave her his most charming grin. She didn't look even remotely impressed.

"The marauders have their ways," he said mysteriously. James punched his friend in the shoulder and Sirius rubbed it tenderly.

"I have a better idea," James said suddenly. Now all eyes were on him. "How about we throw a little party in the Head's dorm? Sirius and Peter can go get the supplies and Lily and I can clean up a bit. We can all meet in there in about," he looked at his watch, "two hours."

"Sounds good to me," Erin said showing much more enthusiasm for she had yet to see the inside of the Head's dorm.

"We're in," Frank said after whispering with Alice. Everyone agreed to meet and then went their separate ways.

Erin watched as James and Lily walked up the marble staircase hand in hand and a tear fell down her cheek, which she quickly wiped away. Why should they be so happy when she herself hated her life and everyone in it? Why couldn't they be miserable too? What did James and Lily have that Erin couldn't grasp, no matter how hard she tried?

She thought back to her first romantic fling. She and Sirius had only been together for a few months but life had seemed so rosy. Now she knew the marauders for what they were, playboys and heartbreakers. They would never love any girl, no matter what they said and the sooner Lily learned it the better off she would be, but first, let her know what it was like to be so in love and then to be dropped when the next beautiful girl walked by. Erin angrily flung her long black hair behind her and walked down to the Slytherin common room where the real men were.


	12. Betrayal's and a Maid of Honor

CH: 12- Betrayal's and a Maid of Honor

"James, this room is spotless. The house-elves must have been here already, now why would we need two hours to get it cleaned and ready?" Lily asked suspiciously and then she noticed the playful glint in his eye. Before she could do a thing he swept her up into his arms and placed a very chaste kiss upon her lips. She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I thought that maybe I could interest you in a snogging session my dear," he said as he nuzzled her neck gently. Lily giggled again and kissed him softly.

"For two hours James? Isn't there something else you would rather do?" She teased. The blissful look in his eyes vanished and gave way to a wide and horror-struck look in a matter of seconds.

"Promise that you'll never leave me Lily," he whispered, suddenly very serious. Lily looked into his hazel eyes and frowned, he looked worried, almost as if he expected her to leave him and soon.

"I could never leave you James," she touched his jaw softly and then ran her fingers through his hair. "What's wrong?" Once again his facial expression changed back to normal very quickly. She could tell something was bothering him, but he didn't want to share it, that much was clear.

"Nothing, I just had a very strange feeling, don't worry sweetheart," he said, smiling confidently but the smile didn't reach his eyes. He leaned down and kissed her tenderly, giving her all the love and devotion they both required. "Just let me hold you Lily, just for awhile."

They sat together on the sofa for nearly an hour, Lily comforting James and not knowing why. He seemed as if the light had just gone out of his life and nothing Lily said could bring him out of his depression.

"James, please tell me what is wrong, I can't get through to you," she whispered kissing his hair and pressing him closer to her. James said nothing; he just tightened his arms around her. "I love you so much James, please let me in," she begged.

"You are my life Lils, everything to me," suddenly he looked into her eyes and held them with his. "It's forever Lily, It's been forever since I met you," he told her.

"Forever is a long time James," she teased softly, but James wasn't in a lighthearted mood.

"Not if you love someone… not if you can't imagine life without them. This," he said and threaded his fingers through hers, "this is forever." Lily was caught up in the emotion of his words, something was troubling him, something was very wrong. She had an unexpected realization, he had seen something.

"What did you see James?" she asked, stroking his cheek gently with her fingertips. James's head came up and he stared at her worriedly. She hadn't seen it, had she? What if she had? "Tell me James, we don't keep things from each other," Lily insisted.

"Don't make me tell you Lily, ask me anything else and I will go to the ends of the earth to accomplish it, but don't ask me to tell you what I saw," he begged, his eyes still glazed over, as if he were somewhere else.

"I understand, but remember that there are two of us in this relationship James, you aren't the only one," Lily whispered softly.

"It isn't me I'm worried about."

Erin walked up to the wall in which she knew from past experience that the door to the Slytherin common room was concealed. "Becoming Black" she whispered and the wall slid open. To most Slytherin's that password would sound unfamiliar because it was Erin's personal password that got her into the common room. She used it for just such an occasion.

"Erin!" said a dark haired boy delightedly as he rushed to her side. He took her in his arms and kissed her tenderly.

"It's so good to be away from all those perfect Gryffindor's," Erin said with a sigh of relief as she sat on the sofa beside the boy.

"Who would want to be around them, especially Black?" he asked in a hard voice. Erin grinned widely at him and then snuggled up to him a little.

"But darling, he is your brother," she said sweetly. Regulus frowned a little and then turned from her. Erin grinned in satisfaction, Regulus hated to be reminded of his relation to Sirius.

"I have no brother," he said stiffly and then as he looked at her he smiled again. "How are you Erin? Still putting up with him are you?"

"I suppose, he is so dull though. Lily and James are really a scream as well. They just can't seem to keep their hands off one another long enough to spend time with their friends," Erin complained.

"Erin, my dear, are they really your friends?" came a sly voice from the other side of the room. A tall boy with greasy black hair walked over to them and sat on Erin's other side.

"No Severus, I guess you would say there weren't. How was St. Mungo's? Did you enjoy yourself? Are you healed now and ready to confront Lilykins again?" Erin asked with a note of disgust in her voice. Severus flinched slightly and then smiled.

"My incarceration helped me a great deal. Dumbledore should give everyone a second chance," he said smoothly.

Erin hated him and Severus knew it. She hadn't wanted to be part of his plan to get Lily, but he had forced her or rather hexed her into going along with him. Neither one of them had been successful or right in their plan. Indeed Severus had taken his and Lily's relationship backwards instead of forwards. He sighed and rubbed his temples with his forefingers, massaging them gently.

"Migraine Sev?" she teased wickedly, knowing that he hated nicknames and that one in particular. He gave her a nasty grimace before standing up and walking to the fireplace.

"Have you thought about that decision I asked you to make? I sent you that post weeks ago, you've had time to think it over. We haven't got a lot of time left," Severus said sharply and Erin flinched.

He hadn't changed a bit, the only thing that had changed was he realized that Lily obsessed him and it sickened him. He still loved her, oh yes, but now he knew how to fix it. Erin was the key to his entire plan. If she refused… she couldn't, if she did everything would be ruined.

"I accept Sev, but on one condition," she said in a business like tone. He wanted to smile, she was his now, but he kept his face cold and calm.

"Anything."

"I want to see him face to face. I also want him to put his mark on my first-born child. All this or no deal," she said coldly. Severus did smile now.

"I think it can be arranged Erin, it won't be a problem…"

Remus sighed as he put his book down. He was thinking about the coming afternoon with less than his usual enthusiasm. Life with the marauders was one party after another, when would they grow up? He sighed and put his book down. They were his friends though, and this was their idea of a good time. At least they weren't stealing Fire whiskey. With deliberate slowness he grabbed his wand and stuck it in his robe pocket before walking to the portrait hole. As he was walking out a petite brunette was walking in and she collided with him at the doorway.

"I'm so sorry Remus, are you okay?" a sweet voice asked worriedly. Remus stared up into the crystal blue eyes of Jennifer Brody. _I am now_, he thought as he stood up.

"I'm fine, are you okay? I noticed that you dropped a few books, let me grab them for you," he offered and bent down to pick them up. As he was handing them to her he felt a familiar tug on his heart as she smiled at him. Jennifer was a fifth year Gryffindor and a reserve seeker on the house team. He had never seen anyone as frail as she seemed to be move with the agility and speed as she did.

"Are you busy right now Remus? Would you like to get some butterbeer and sit by the fire with me?" she asked her eyes locked on his. It was the moment he had been waiting for since he had first met her, and he couldn't do it because of his stupid plans with his friends. He sighed and raked a hand through his hair.

"I would love to, but I'm headed to a party in the Head's dorm," he said and Jennifer's face fell. He was struck by an idea. "Would you… l…l…like to… to come with me? I don't have…a… a… an escort," he stuttered. _The things she does to me_, he thought with a grimace, but then she smiled and it felt like the sun had come up.

"I would love to go with you Remus. Can you give me a few minutes to run my books up to my room? I'll meet you right here," she said and without an answer she ran up the stairs to the girls dormitories.

Remus had to resist the urge to pump his fists in the air and perform a victory dance. Finally after years of wanting to ask her out he had done it. Jennifer Brody was going to a party with him, Remus Lupin! He couldn't believe his good fortune, not even when they were walking side-by-side to the Head's dorm. Jennifer was impressed when Remus tapped on the stones and a door materialized.

"Wow, this is the neatest room," Jennifer said as she walked in and then her eyes fell on Lily and James on the couch. They were locked in what seemed to be a very passionate embrace. "Maybe we should leave," she suggested but Remus just grinned at her.

"Hey you two, you have company," he said loudly and the couple broke apart. James gave his friend a scathing glare and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Hello Moony. Aren't you," he looked at his watch, "a whole half-hour early?"

"Yes, Prongs I am. You both know Jennifer Brody; I decided to bring a date if that's okay?" Remus told them rather than asked them.

"It's fine with me. How are you Jennifer? I heard that next year they might make you the permanent seeker," Lily said by way of greeting. Jennifer walked over and sat in a large chair and struck up a conversation about Quidditch with Lily. James motioned to Remus and they left the girls discussing Jennifer's chance with the Gryffindor team the next year.

"How did you get her to come?" James asked after he and Remus were alone in James's room.

"I knocked her down when I was leaving and then I asked her. It was almost as if I couldn't help it. She is on my mind all the time now Prongs, I can't stop thinking about her," Remus said and then sighed.

"You've only been after her for what, four years Moony? I was just surprised that you finally asked her," James confided. Remus grinned and sat down on his friend's bed.

"Maybe it's like you and Lily, maybe we were meant to be," he said suddenly excited. James tried not to laugh as he put his hand on Remus's shoulder.

"Sorry Moony, but only one pair of soul mates is allowed in the marauders. Sirius might have a conniption fit if you go off the deep end too."

Lily and Jennifer's chatter soon died as they heard laughter from James's room. Lily stood up, trepidation written all over her face.

"If they have begun to jinx each other I will never forgive them," Lily groaned and opened James's door. The two boys were laughing so hard they were clutching their stomachs and gasping for air as they rolled around on the bed.

"What is so funny James Potter?" Lily demanded. The laughing stopped instantly at the look on Lily's face and then they began all over again.

"Padfoot's going to blow a gasket! We should ask him to be best man at dinner tonight!" Remus choked out as he finally got enough air to breathe.

"Best man? Are you two planning on getting married? I'll be the maid of honor," Lily offered dryly. That set them off even more and Lily rolled her eyes and then shut the door.

"What is going on?" Jennifer asked worriedly.

"They are going to elope; do you want to be a bride's maid or the preacher?" Lily asked and Jennifer couldn't help it, she began to laugh too.


	13. Reality Check

A/N: I've added a few scenes to this chapter to make it longer. So if you've read it before and notice that it's different, that's why.

CH: 13- Reality Check

It was during potions class two weeks later that all that was good and happy in the world died. James had been planning on asking Lily to marry him that night; everything was set up with the marauders. They were to walk into the room carrying armfuls of roses and wine on his cue. Everything was set up according to plan, and he couldn't wait to watch the look on her face when she saw the ring. Unfortunately reality had a different choice for them.

Lily and James were called into Professor Dumbledore's office near the beginning of class and the students all looked at them with anxiety written all over their faces. What had the head boy and girl done, other than snog each other senseless everywhere they went? They soon knew why and it wasn't good. In fact, it was the worst news either of them had received since they were told that Snape was back at the school… that hadn't gone over well either. Dumbledore had been forced to tell Severus that he would be expelled if he came within ten feet of Lily before James had been satisfied.

The couple could tell that whatever they were to be told, it was even worse that Severus coming back, because the look on McGonagall's face when she called them out of class was grim.

"Did we do something wrong?" Lily whispered to James as they followed McGonagall to the Headmaster's office. She couldn't think of a single school rule they had broken, or anything they might have done to be given a private meeting with Dumbledore.

"I don't think so, I think something is wrong," he whispered back and squeezed her hand tightly. "Don't worry though; we are going through whatever it is together."

"I love you," Lily said wholeheartedly. James was the only person she knew that could make her feel calm even in the most desperate circumstances.

"I love you more," he replied truthfully and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He had a feeling that the news was more for her than for him by the way McGonagall kept glancing at her.

"I'm leaving you both here, you may go back to your dormitory when you are done with Professor Dumbledore," she said without her usual briskness.

"What's going on?" Lily asked wringing her hands. "You know something."

"I'm afraid that I cannot tell you Miss Evans. Now if you'll go up and speak to the Headmaster I'll leave you here," she said and with a last look of pity she turned and walked away down the corridor.

"James…"

James leaned down and pressed a soft and loving kiss to her lips, hugging her tightly. "Everything is going to be all right, I'm here," he promised. Lily bit her lip and nodded.

They walked over to the staircase and stood on the bottom step, moving upward into the office as it turned up and left the corridor below. Lily reached for James's hand as they stepped off into the landing and walked into Dumbledore's office. James squeezed her hand tightly and smiled reassuringly at her.

"Sit down please you two, I'm afraid I have some very unfortunate news for Miss Evans," Dumbledore said by way of greeting as they walked into his office.

"What is going on Professor?" Lily asked worriedly. Dumbledore put his hand up to silence her and motioned to the chairs. When they were seated he cleared his throat and began.

"You both know that we are living in a very troublesome time. Lord Voldemort is strong and gaining power quickly. There are some things that you should have been told at the beginning of the school year, but at first you were too happy and then the business with Severus," Lily flinched at the name, "everything was holding me back from telling you, when if I had done so things wouldn't be this way."

"What is wrong Professor?" James demanded, knowing that whatever it was had to be the very worst news she had ever been given.

"There was a prophecy predicted over the summer, when I was interviewing people for the Divination post. The professor now, Sibyll Trelawney, made a very interesting prophecy that might concern the two of you. Although it also might concern another young couple, both of whom will be making some very interesting decisions soon," he said looking to Lily. He sighed and continued, "Many sacrifices must be made to protect your unborn child Lily, even if some sacrifices will be difficult to make."

"What are you saying?" Lily stammered. Her unborn child… Did that mean? Her hand instantly fluttered to her stomach. "I'm not pregnant?" she asked suddenly. Dumbledore shook his head and Lily breathed a sigh of relief, which she knew Dumbledore caught. That was the only good news she would hear all day.

"Lily, what I am going to tell you will hurt you very deeply, but you must be strong for James and for the younger students. I will allow you to miss class for the rest of this week, but I need you to be strong," he said again and Lily's heart jumped a little.

Whatever he was going to tell her was going to be horrible. But what could it be? Something with Erin maybe, she had been acting odd lately. Maybe Erin had done something wrong and Dumbledore was going to tell her that she was being expelled or whatnot. Lily tried to decide what could possibly be this upsetting and then her eyes widened, oh no… not her parents…

"Your parents were murdered by Lord Voldemort last night, I'm so sorry Lily," he whispered.

At first it didn't register. How could her parents be dead? She had seen them just a fortnight ago. They had been smiling and happy; they had kissed her and told her they loved her. They couldn't be dead. Their faces were too alive and bright to be dead.

"You must be mistaken Albus," Lily suggested coldly, "My parents are very much alive." Tears filled the old man's eyes as he watched her reject his news, she was going to deny it until she went to the funeral and he couldn't let her do that.

"I am not mistaken Lily, in fact I have a message from your sister Petunia that I am supposed to give you now. You are never to contact her again, she blames you for the death of your parents and she says that you are no longer a sister of hers."

Lily began to cry, finally accepting the cold hard fact that her parents were dead. Petunia would say something like that, something that would destroy her and eat away at her until she died. Petunia, who had just finally accepted her a little less than a month ago, now hated her once more and for something that was finally her fault. Her parents were dead because of her, she felt sick.

"James, they are dead aren't they?" Lily cried her heart breaking as she said them. _Please let him say that it isn't true, let him say that Dumbledore is telling me a lie and I will see my parents in July_, she thought wildly. But he didn't, and she knew that he wouldn't lie to her.

"Yes Lils, they are."

"No! They can't be dead; I just saw them two weeks ago. They told me they loved me and how much they admired James. They are in hiding. Voldemort killed another muggle couple and you are confused!" Lily accused and pointed a finger at the headmaster. A tear fell down the old man's cheek as he watched her rage against him.

"I know this is hard for you to believe Lily, but it is true. I would never deliberately hurt you, for you are like a daughter to me. I have never had children, but you and James are as close to me as children can get," he told her, trying to ease her pain.

"Lily, please don't do this to yourself, just accept it and move on to the healing stage," James begged but Lily turned on him.

"Your parents aren't dead James, so you don't know how I feel!" she yelled and he instantly wrapped his arms around her to comfort her.

"Maybe not sweetheart, but almost losing you has scared me enough to realize that I can't afford to do it. Don't try to distance yourself from me because you need me more than ever now," he said sternly and she sobbed into his shoulder.

"It's true Lily, by leaning on James in this time of loss you can overcome it. I know this is going to be hard for you, but I want you to focus on getting over this and returning to your head duties. I'm counting on seeing your smiling face next Monday morning at breakfast," Dumbledore said and stood up, indicating that they should leave now. Lily did something much unexpected; she hugged the headmaster tightly and then turned to walk out of the room.

"Maybe you'll be my father from now on," she whispered wearily and walked out of the room, leaving Albus to wonder if she had really meant them.


	14. Moving Forward

A/N: Yes, I have changed the name of this chapter. I don't know why I named it "Losing Lily" originally, but it really doesn't fit. Hopefully the new name will work better.

CH: 14- Moving Forward

Lily sat in the head's dorm, James holding her in his arms. She had no tears left to cry for the death of the people she loved most. Their death had been a shock, but it hadn't destroyed her like she thought it would. Now, if James had died with them that would have been a different matter altogether. She couldn't lose him now; he was the anchor that kept her steady. James was her rock and her life. She pressed herself closer to him, feeding off his warmth and love.

She hadn't realized before that some people made love, not out of love but out of misery. She had discovered that when they arrived in their dorm and Lily couldn't contain herself. Their lovemaking had been different than usual, not sweet and filled with love and desire, but demanding, rough and almost depressing. Lily had cried afterward, cried for the very last time over her parent's death or so she thought.

She sat curled up in James's arms now, thanking God that he was still with her. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and squeezed her gently. He felt the velvet box containing a diamond engagement ring, pressing into his side and he made a quick decision.

"Lily, I know today has been really horrible for you, it has killed me seeing you like this. Please don't think I am insensitive or anything, but after today I am so scared of losing you. What if you fall to Voldemort too? I am not ready to take the chance of being without you," he said gently. Lily looked up into his eyes and saw a great deal of worry haunting them.

"Whatever it is James, I still love you," she told him, stroking his cheek.

"You are my life Lils, I have told you that over and over again. Nothing can change the fact that I love you, will you marry me?" he asked and then pulled the box out of his pocket. The diamond sent rainbow light dancing around her face.

"James I… I love you; I do, but… today… I can't think," she cried hoarsely and then ran to her room, her face covered in her hands. He felt his heart break as she ran off, leaving him alone, and the ring in his hand.

"Can't you do anything right Potter?" he asked himself and then put the ring on the coffee table. He stared at it for a few moments before he picked it up and in a fit of anger he threw it at her door. He heard her horrified scream, and he knew what was wrong. He had never shown her his violent side, not really. She had seen it when he had beat the living snot out of Severus, but never directed at her. He was just so angry with himself today that he couldn't control himself, or his rage.

"Lils, I am so sorry," he moaned and then he walked to her door and opened it without knocking. When he walked inside she flinched at the sight of the box on the floor. She now knew what it was that he had thrown. He walked over to her and climbed into her bed, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

"I love you Lily, I'm so sorry that I can't understand what you are going through, but give me time and I will help heal you. I did it once, I can do it again," he promised showering her face in tiny kisses. She returned them graciously, glad that he wasn't bringing up marriage again. No matter how much she loved him she wasn't ready for planning such a happy occasion so soon after such a tragedy.

"I love you too James, but please give me time to grieve my parents. I feel as if I would be doing a grave injustice to their memories if I began to plan my wedding on the day of their death," she explained, looking deeply into his eyes. He took her hand in his and kissed it tenderly.

"Haven't I told you before that I would wait forever for you? When you are ready, the ring will be too," James reminded her and Lily felt tears come into her eyes, but these weren't for her parents.

"What did I do to deserve you?" she asked as he laid her down on her bed.

"Deserve me? I think that you must have done something wrong to get stuck with me," he teased as he stretched out beside her. Lily kissed him softly and laid her head on his chest.

"You don't know your own worth James Potter," she told him and then with his arms securely around her she fell asleep. James couldn't though, he spent a good two hours running his fingers through her hair and watching her sleep. She looked so much like an angel, and he couldn't bear to leave her.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said before he dozed off himself.

Lily spent the next week in the head's dorm, trying to come to terms with her life now. All she had was James since Petunia had disowned her. She thought back to her words to James as they had walked out of the train and into Hogsmeade station.

Flash back

_"This is going to be a good year, right James?" Lily asked as they stood together looking up at Hogwarts castle. James turned to look at her, her thick red hair was shining in the moonlight._

_"This will be the very best year Evans. You have my word on it."_

Flash back over

A good year? If being raped, having her parents murdered and being disowned by her sister was considered having a good year than hers was off the charts. Only James remained and Lily couldn't imagine her life without him. What if he hadn't written that first letter and she hadn't read it? Would they still have gotten together, would their relationship be as strong? What if she had broken up with him after her rape, would they have gotten back together? There were so many "what ifs" that Lily couldn't concentrate on the here and now.

Her life was falling apart around her; even Erin seemed distant and odd lately. Lily's orderly, perfect plans were being ruined and nothing was helping her to regain her strength, nothing except James. She realized that she had hurt him when she refused to marry him, but what had he expected? Had he imagined her instantly forgetting her parents and immediately planning what to name their first child? Lily couldn't see the man she loved thinking anything of the sort, he had to have a reason for why he proposed to her that day. She had to ask him.

She walked into his room where he was writing furiously on a sheet of parchment, his owl Merlin waiting patiently to deliver it. Lily walked up and tapped his shoulder to get his attention.

"I need to speak to you James, this is really important," she pleaded. He turned around and saw the determined look on her face.

"What's wrong Lils?" he asked as he folded his parchment into an envelope and tied it to Merlin's leg. He took him to the window and sent him flying away to deliver the letter.

"Who was that too?" she asked sidetracked as he walked back over to his chair.

"I was writing to my mum, she wanted to know what your answer was. I had to explain that you couldn't possibly give me an answer after what had happened to your parents," he explained as he sat down. "Now, I know that's not the topic you wanted to discuss…"

Lily frowned and returned to the question she had wanted to ask. "Why did you propose to me on Monday evening?" she asked quietly. James was stunned; he would have thought it was obvious.

"I already told you Lily, I couldn't bear the thought of losing you after what happened to your parents. I want you to be with me forever and I wanted to get your mind off the tragic events of the day," he explained. Lily sat down on his bed and stared at her hands for a moment.

"You would ask me to marry you, knowing the family life I have had and the fact that I need constant proof of your love for me?" Lily asked slowly. James heard the half-tease half-seriousness in her voice and he knew that she was warming up to the idea of marriage.

"I don't know if I could handle your sexual appetite sweetheart," he teased and Lily laughed for the first time in days. James walked over to his bed and held her hand tightly. "It would be enough for me to wake up every morning with you beside me, and be able to say that you were my wife. Every time I heard you referred to as Lily Potter I would smile because I knew you belonged to me," he stopped for a moment and then got off the bed and knelt at her feet, "I want to marry you Lily and if you require a promise that I give you proof everyday of my overwhelming love, I will promise you. Please be my wife Lily, I swear that you won't regret it."

Without saying a word Lily knelt down on the floor with him and kissed him sweetly, making sure he responded and when he did she gave him her whole heart.

"Get up James, for you are better than that. Don't lower yourself for me and my love," she begged and he kissed her again. Their kisses became warm and sensual and Lily broke away, smiling brightly at him.

"What is it?" he asked, caressing her cheek and wondering why she had a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"What shall we name our first child?" she asked and James buried his face in her hair.

"You haven't even given me an answer yet and you are already talking about our children? Isn't it proper to be married first and then have them?" he teased. Lily grinned.

"Yes I will marry you James, how can I deny the man I love?" Lily asked.

"Good, now about children… I want at least ten," he said seriously and Lily burst into laughter.

"How about four and we name the first boy after his father… I like the name Harry too… how about Harry James Potter?" Lily asked, trailing kisses up along his neck.

"Yes, Mrs. Potter," James whispered huskily as their lips met.

"I like the sound of that name," Lily admitted between kisses.

"So do I, Lils. Hmm, Lily and James Potter and their son Harry. We'll take the world by storm sweetheart," he promised as he lifted her into his arms and lowered her to his bed.

"Whatever you say James, whatever you say."


	15. Why? Erin's POV

A/N: I felt that Erin needed a chapter of her own to explain why and how she came to be the way she is… like it or don't. It's told in a series of flashbacks.

CH: 15- "Why?"

Erin's POV

I walked down to the girl's bathroom on the second floor. Deserted, just as I knew it would be. Moaning Myrtle the resident ghost kept everyone away, and I needed time to think about what I had done and what had been done to me. After all, I didn't turn to Regulus on my own.

I couldn't stop thinking about Sirius as I sat down in an empty stall. I loved him so much and yet I meant nothing to him except a nice romp between the sheets. He had taken me, knowing I was a virgin, and telling me it was all right because I loved him. Of course he had never said he loved me, but he implied it. The way he had looked at me, and the way he would whisper my name, it felt like he loved me. I remember the first time I spoke to him…

Flashback

_Lily tore off my nice warm comforter and smiled down at me with glee in her green eyes._

"_It's snowing Erin!" she announced and proceeded to get my clothes ready for me to wear. "You'll need gloves, and a coat, a muffler, a hat…" she mumbled as she went through my drawers. I groaned then and began to laugh. Only Lily Evans would ruin my plans to stay nice and warm beneath my blankets and make me want to get up._

"_You win Lily, I'll get up, just give me a few more moments to sleep," I said and rolled over pulling my blankets back up over me._

"_No can do, the snow is gleaming and if we don't get down there soon those stupid first years boys will ruin all the good deep stuff," Alice complained with her hands fisted on her hips. I laughed and sat up, what good were friends if they didn't make me go play in the snow huh?_

_We were outside ten minutes later, sufficiently clothed and warmed by our coats, sweaters and scarves when a dozen stray snowballs flew directly at us. Lily and Alice screamed and threw themselves face first in the snow. I on the other hand let the snow ball hit me; I would stay drier that way._

"_Jamesie pooh! It looks like we have some visitors!" A tall boy with long black hair was pointing to Lily, Alice and I._

"_What of it?" I yelled at him and I watched as a slow sexy smile came over his face. I knew that his name was Sirius Black, for he was in all my classes, but I had never spoken to him before, he seemed too far out of my reach._

"_Aren't you the smart one? I suppose we can do this fair and square, boys against girls," he said after he had walked right up to me. I got chills, he was so sexy, and his gray eyes burned into mine like fire._

"_Prepare to lose," I said with a sweet smile and he tossed back his head and laughed._

"_I might have to keep an eye on you," he told me and with a wink he was gone._

"_What did he say?" Alice asked excitedly as she and Lily ran up to me._

"_He said he was going to keep an eye on me," I said and instead of being nervous by that, I smiled. It might be interesting to be watched by Sirius._

Flashback over

How I had worshipped him from then on. He had been the object of all my fantasies, every waking and sleeping thought. Sirius had been sexy, and wild and so unreachable. That was why I had to have him. Our first kiss had been the stuff of every girl's wildest dreams. He had been so romantic, looking at me with those steamy gray eyes…

Flashback

"_I guess I'll see you September first," I said in a would-be nonchalant voice as I stood with Sirius before the gateway between the magic and the muggle world. Sirius looked at his feet._

"_Yeah, the first," Sirius said softly. I wanted to hug him, to tell him how I felt about him how I had felt about him for the past four years, ever since we had played in the snow, but I couldn't get the words out. Instead I smiled at him and then held out my hand to shake his._

_He held my hand for a moment and then he pulled me close to him and wrapped his arm around me, his stormy eyes drilling into mine, smothering me in his gaze. Before I realized what was happening his lips met mine, playing sensuously against my own. It was beautiful, the most powerful kiss I had ever been given. When he finally pulled away from me I looked into his eyes again. They were black with desire and want._

"_I'll see you September first then Erin, don't go forgetting about me during the summer," he said and walked off before I could tell him anything. _How could I forget about him after that?_ I thought as I touched my swollen lips. I knew in that moment that I was in love with Sirius Black._

Flashback over

How had things changed so fast in just six months? This question hurt me above all others because I knew that nothing had changed, Sirius had just gotten bored with me, like he had with all his other girls. Actually I had come to the realization that I hadn't meant as much as his other girls, for he hadn't even broken up with me. I had found out about the end of our relationship in the cruelest possible way. He didn't have the decency to tell me to my face.

Flashback

"_So what are you going to tell him?" Lily asked as we sat on her bed. I put my face in my hands and groaned._

"_I don't know Lily, what should I say? I don't think that 'Hi Sirius, guess what? I've missed a period and think I'm pregnant,' sounds very good," I said sarcastically and glared at her._

"_Do you think he would take responsibility if you were?" Lily wondered. I gave her an are-you-crazy look._

"_He had better, he would be the father Lils," I told her._

"_Go now, he would be in the common room right?" she asked._

"_No, but I know where he is…"_

_I walked quickly up to the seventh floor and to the hall with the tapestry of a troll rebellion. The door to our special room was in the wall opposite the tapestry. I walked in without knocking and stopped dead in my tracks. Sirius was in bed with Ashley Linins, a Ravenclaw girl in the fifth year with us. To my surprise they were both completely naked._

"_You bastard!" I screamed my heart breaking. Sirius glared at me and covered Ashley in their blankets._

"_What do you want Daniels?" he asked with a cold gleam in his eyes. I couldn't speak, his betrayal was still to raw. "If you don't mind, Ashley is probably very embarrassed by this situation."_

"_Why? Sirius why?" I cried in agony. Sirius's eyes were cold and slightly guilty looking. "Never mind, I don't give a damn about you and your whore!" I threw at him and left the room in a hurry._

_All the way back to the Gryffindor common room I cried, wondering how I could have been so wrong about Sirius. How could I have thought he loved me when he never said those words? I was so stupid! I was stupid and possibly pregnant, now alone in my plight._

"_Erin? Are you okay? What happened with Sirius?" Lily asked as I stepped in through the portrait hole. I collapsed on the floor, tears streaming down my face._

"_He used me… I can't believe he used me!"_

Flashback over

A week later I realized I wasn't pregnant, but the news wasn't as pleasant as I had hoped. I really wanted something of Sirius's to be part of me; even though I no longer meant anything to him I still wanted his baby. But now, I am glad that I hadn't been pregnant. I wouldn't want Sirius's baby to be marked by the Dark Lord.

If only I hadn't been so stupid last November, I could have kept my pride. But now, I had lost everything worth having, including Sirius's friendship. If only I had kept my hands to myself and my big mouth shut. Tears filled my eyes and I took in a deep breath to stop them from rolling down my cheeks, but I failed. The wetness of my tears shocked me at first but then I resigned myself to it. Nothing mattered anymore, not after what I had done in November, I might as well have handed myself to Regulus on a silver platter.

I had begged Sirius to take me back. I had thrown myself at him, trying to kiss him but he pushed me away lightly at first then angrily. "Don't do this Erin, its over," he growled.

"No Sirius, I love you!" I had cried, but it had been too late, Sirius walked away from me with pity in his eyes.

Why I said that particular phrase was still a mystery to me, yes I did still love him, but he didn't need to know it. Regulus had found me in the dungeons shortly afterward…

Flashback

"_Daniels? What are you doing down here?" a voice said from above me. I looked up and saw Regulus Black, Sirius's younger brother._

"_Go away Black, I don't want to talk to you or anyone in your family," I said unhappily trying to cover up my tears._

"_Did he hurt you again Erin?" he asked, his voice now tender and gentle. It shocked me to hear the kindness in his voice. All I had ever heard from Slytherin's were catcalls or rude innuendos. They hated me, but shouldn't they? I was a Gryffindor and nothing more to them then a parasite, a mud-blood to boot. I looked into his eyes and saw the feelings he felt for me._

"_Did he hurt you?" he asked again and all I could do was nodding my head. "What did he say? Did he lead you on again?"_

"_No, it was all my fault, but he rejected me," I whispered and the tears came harder. I wished that I hadn't thrown myself at him; I had lost all respect for myself._

"_Oh Erin, I'm sorry," he said tenderly and he took my hands in his and pulled me up. I was pressed against his body, looking into his gray eyes. He was so much like Sirius, yet he wasn't Sirius. I could let myself go, just this once._

"_Kiss me Regulus, make me forget him," I begged and his eyes filled with shock. For a moment I thought he would walk away but then his lips descended upon mine._

Flashback over

Things had progressed quickly from there; we had become intimate only weeks afterward. He was wonderful, a man any girl would want and entirely loyal, but I wanted his brother and I had made a deal with the devil in order to do it, if you could call Severus the devil. I had given up the thing I had once held in the utmost importance, my best friend.

That was the other reason I ran to the bathroom. Lily's parents were dead and I knew it was because I had told Severus where their home was. Was revenge important enough to lose Lily over? Could I hand her over to the Dark Lord with James in tow? Yes, I could. The only thing that matters now, I thought, was revenge against Sirius and all the people who had hurt me and Voldemort could do that for me.


	16. Confrontation's with the Devil

**A/N: **I didn't do much to this chapter except add some extra explanations to paragraphs. I am almost done with finishing up the revisions of the story! Yay!

**CH: 16- Confrontations with the Devil**

James rolled over and felt Lily within his reach; he grabbed her and pulled her roughly into his arms. She sighed contentedly as she rested her head against his chest. His love had given her the energy she needed to face everyone the Monday morning after her parents had died, and she had done it, as Dumbledore requested, with a smile. Mostly she smiled because she was engaged to James Potter and she felt that he alone was the reason she could keep smiling.

"I wonder if my parents are looking down on me right now," Lily wondered as she gave James a good-morning kiss. He smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

"I hope not, they might send lightning bolts down to smite me," he teased. Lily grinned and hugged him tightly.

"You think so? I rather like to think that they would understand that I need you right now," she told him thoughtfully.

"When did you get so smart sweetheart?" James asked and Lily laughed.

"This morning," she joked and rolled off her bed, stretching her arms as she stood up. James stared at her appreciatively, Lily had always been pretty but lately as he learned more about her, she became more and more beautiful to him. Her life was so hard and becoming more difficult nearly everyday, but nothing stopped her.

"How are you so tough Lils? If I went through the things you have this year, I would fall apart," James said as he watched her pull clothing out of a drawer. She turned to him with astonishment in her eyes.

"I have you James, don't you understand? You're my anchor right now. I have to be strong for you," she said calmly. James felt tears prick his eyes at her words, never had he felt more loved and needed than he did with Lily.

"You're so amazing Lily. I hope our children grow up to be as strong as you are," he said tenderly. She sat on the bed again and held his hand tightly.

"I love to hear you say 'our children'," Lily admitted. She leaned into him and kissed him sweetly, letting her emotions take her over. They pulled apart and held each other for a few moments and let themselves take pleasure from the others touch.

"You ready to go down to breakfast Lils? I'm sure everyone is wondering where we are," he said as he pulled away from her.

"Yeah, just let me get my robes on and I'll meet you in the living room."

Peter was walking down the stairs to the great hall for breakfast when he saw Erin in a very heated conversation with Severus Snape. Erin's fist was clenched and Severus was frowning at her. Peter caught the words "...her parents?" from Erin and Severus nodded solemnly. At first Peter was shocked, and then a slow smile grew on his face as he realized that Erin must have gone to the Slytherin's for the same reason he had... power over others. He sauntered up to them and nodded to Severus.

"What do you want Pettigrew?" Erin asked in a voice dripping with venom as she noticed his presence. Snape looked around and when he made sure no one was around he smiled at him and shook Peter's hand.

"Don't be so rude Erin, Peter here is one of our newer recruits," he said smoothly. Erin glared at Snape for a moment before turning to Peter. She gave him a scathing look and then she shrugged, as if it made no difference to her.

"Decided to join the winning team then Peter? Are you giving up being a marauder to join the Dark Lord?" Erin said icily. Peter ignored the hard look in her eyes and he gave her what he hoped was a charming smile. After all, they were on the same side now, shouldn't they finally get along? They were going to share a secret, one that wouldn't be shared with the other marauders. Just the prospect of keeping something from his "friends" made him grin.

"Join the Dark Lord yes, give up being a marauder, no. You see I know that if I suddenly drop the marauders I have nothing to offer the Dark Lord. He wants certain things and to get power I will give him those things. Am I right Severus?" He asked Snape a little too eagerly. Severus choked back a grimace and he smiled at the pitiful boy. He was too naïve to be a Death Eater, but they could always use more people like Pettigrew who would give up their own mothers to gain power. They could always use little people who could be stepped on and thank you later for it. Pettigrew was a wonderful choice for information. Erin on the other hand was willing to do anything for power, she wasn't like Peter, she was strong and determined to get her own way. Severus turned a wicked smile on her.

"You see Erin; you aren't the only person who wants revenge. Peter feels as though his 'friends' take him for granted and he wants to show them that he can go far on his own, away from them. Isn't that right Peter?" Snape said slyly and Peter beamed.

"They see me as a tag along, someone who is almost like a comic relief. They don't really accept me for my talents and abilities," he complained. Erin repressed a snort, she could see why. Peter wasn't exactly the most talented student, he was more likely to set something on fire than transfigure it.

"We do though, the Dark Lord does appreciate you Peter, he really does," Snape whispered as he saw a young blonde Ravenclaw pass by. The Ravenclaw gave them a suspicious glance, but walked away after Erin glared icily at him.

"I think you and I could get along very well Peter," Erin said with a smirk and wound her arm though his. "After all we have so much in common."

Lily watched in astonishment as Erin walked into the Great Hall with Peter at her side. Erin noticed her immediately and waved haughtily. It didn't seem like the Erin she had known for nearly seven years. She had made fun of Peter from day one, always saying that he was so close to a squib that it was almost indistinguishable. Lily couldn't understand why she was playing the friend now.

"Hello Lils, I am absolutely famished, aren't you?" she asked in a sickeningly sweet voice and then she dug into the food, heaping mounds of bacon and mash on her plate.

"Are you feeling alright Erin?" Lily asked cautiously as her friend ate ravenously. Erin just glanced up at her with a grin on her face, but Lily noticed it didn't reach her eyes, which were cold and unfeeling. Lily flinched back away from her, leaning into James almost instinctively. Who was this girl in front of her?

"Of course I am. I have just had the most stimulating conversation. Isn't that right Peter?" Erin asked gaily. Peter turned a dark shade of magenta and looked down at his own plate.

"Stimulating," he replied in a flat voice and Erin smiled at him. Lily looked from one to the other in shock. Something was definitely wrong, she decided and as she stood up she made the mistake of looking at the Slytherin table. Severus was staring directly at her with a small smile on his lips. She ran from the Great Hall, leaving James to wonder what was wrong.

"Hello Lily, I've been looking forward to this day since I returned from St. Mungo's, haven't you?" Severus asked coolly as he caught up to her on the stairs. Lily froze, she couldn't look him in the eyes, he scared her and she wouldn't let him know. He reached out to touch her hair and she batted his hand away.

"I know I've made a mess of things, but let me fix them. I can treat you better this time. You'll never want another man after you've been with me," he said tenderly and touched her arm instead. She recoiled and pressed herself to the balustrade.

"I've been with you and it left a scar on me, so let me go," she said hoarsely, trying to get away from him. Her back ached from the pressure she was applying to the balustrade. Why wouldn't he go away?

"No Lily, give me another chance. I was upset that night, angry because you looked afraid of me. Don't be afraid. I can give you more than you have ever hoped for, together we could accomplish…" he broke off as he saw her ring glimmer. Without a thought for anything else he grabbed her hand and looked at the ring in disbelief. She tried to pull her arm away, but he was stronger than her. He held her so tightly that she thought her arm would break. She gave up the fight, feeling tears come into her eyes.

"You are engaged to Potter then? Have I lost my chance with you completely?" he said in an aching voice. Lily saw the hurt in his eyes and wondered what he was thinking, what was really wrong with him and why he had really hurt her.

"Yes I am. After what you put me through James was worried that I could never be healed, but I have so please go away," she said tearfully and ran up the stairs, clutching her ring to her chest. Severus watched her flee and felt his heart breaking. He would never stop loving her, it wasn't possible. Only now, he had to let her go. He had nothing to live for, except to serve the Dark Lord.

"Lily sweetheart, are you okay?" James asked as he walked into the Head's dorm. Lily was curled up in a ball on the couch, sobbing and holding her engagement ring tightly to her chest. "Lils?"

"Oh James, it was horrible! He had the nerve to speak to me after what he has done to me. I can't believe it, he told me that he wanted to make things right between us, but I hate him James. I want nothing to do with him," Lily sobbed. James walked to her side and gathered her into his arms. He could feel her shoulders shaking roughly against his chest and his heart broke for her. How could that bastard keep coming after her? Hadn't he learned his lesson the first time?

"Dumbledore should have realized he would never be over his obsession with you. I hope he burns in hell," he whispered soothingly. Lily choked back a laugh through her tears. James's words were so contradictory to his tone, it made her laugh until she thought of the way Severus had touched her on the stairway.

"You don't seem to understand it James, he is the devil, he welcomes hell," she wept bitterly into his shoulder, taking comfort from his protective arms. "He makes me feel so dirty, even though it wasn't my fault."

"Damn Severus to misery," James muttered and kissed her softly, "I wish he had been sent to Azkaban."

"So do I James, I wish he was still there, because obviously St. Mungo's did nothing for him, he is still as sick as ever. He actually believes that he loves me!" she said in astonishment. "That… man… thinks that he is in love with me!"

"I know sweetheart, but just remember he is a sick individual. I will always take care of you as long as you need me," he promised and wiped a tear away from her cheek.

"Really?" she asked, a smile shining through her tears. He kissed the tip of her nose and then her mouth.

"Really, for as long as you want me too sweetheart. I'll never let you down," he whispered and grinned.

"I love you James Potter," she said tenderly and then put her hand behind his head and brought him into to kiss her.

"I'll always love you Lily," he said and kissed her back. It was a good thing for them that it was Saturday, James thought happily, for they would have missed all of their morning classes.


	17. NEWT's and Secrets Revealed

**A/N: **I never really liked this chapter for some reason, it just seemed like it was a filler that didn't mean much to the overall plot line. Perhaps you guys will like it better than I do...

**CH: 17- N.E.W.T.'s and Secrets Revealed**

The months flew by quickly, winter becoming spring and spring becoming summer. James and Lily's love grew by leaps and bounds as they made plans for their future wedding. They planned it for December when they could celebrate the anniversary of their first time together and James's mother, Lily soon learned, was an expert at coordinating things so she became a big help to Lily through the owl post.

N.E.W.T.'s dawned ever closer and the teachers piled on more homework, trying to get them prepared for their exams.

"You must be better than you are for your best is not enough!" Professor McGonagall was heard telling Peter as he wrongly transformed a tea kettle into a hare instead of a tortoise.

Lily felt vastly overwhelmed with the wedding plans, homework, N.E.W.T.'s, and a special Healer's correspondence course she had picked up in February. James more often than not had to carry her to bed at two in the morning after she passed out at her desk. He could tell that everything was weighing on her, making her stressful and he made the mistake of trying to lighten her load.

"Do you want to wait on the wedding Lils? We can push it back until next year sweetheart. You are doing a little too much," he told her gently as she was looking through a catalog on robes for the wedding. She looked up at him and then burst into tears.

"Just admit it James, you don't love me anymore! You just want to push the wedding back until we are too old to get married. First it was to be in July, then in October and then December. Now you are saying we should wait until next year?" she wailed and threw the book on the floor in fury.

"No Lily, I'm just trying to help you become less stressful. I'm trying to help you so that you don't have so many things to do. If you want to get married in July it works for me Lils," he said defensively.

"You still haven't said that you love me," she pouted. James grinned and pulled her onto his lap in one swift movement.

"I love you more than anyone could love another person Lily. If I need to 'prove' it to you I can," he teased and nipped at her ear. She winked at him and kissed his grinning lips.

"Prove it to me later; I still need to pick out the robes for our wedding. Would you rather wear black, silver, green or blue?" she asked sitting back down in her chair.

"What color are you wearing?"

"Emerald green and ivory silk," she said absently.

"Don't brides wear white?"

"Virginal ones do."

James blushed and then changed the topic to their N.E.W.T.'s exams that were coming the next week. "You ready to become a Healer Lils? I heard Dumbledore tell Madame Pomfrey that St. Mungo's wanted to hire you on as an intern immediately."

"That is only if I get an 'E' in Transfiguration, Potions, Herbology, Defense against the Dark Arts and Charms," she answered without missing a beat. James released a breath and did a quick calculation.

"That's five Exceeds Expectations N.E.W.T.'s," he exclaimed. Lily nodded and turned back to her book. "Lily, why aren't you studying?"

"I also have to pass my correspondence course with over 98," she added and then closed the book. "James I don't even know if I want to be a healer anymore," she admitted.

"Why not? You would be the best Healer this century, everyone has said so," he said flabbergasted. She sighed and then took his hand in hers.

"James, I want to be an Auror like you. I want to train with you and learn everything by your side. We could be the first married team," she said excitedly.

"How long have you been thinking this over?" he asked cautiously, hoping she would say she had just thought of it, so he could talk her back into being a Healer.

"Since March," she admitted and then she hugged him tightly, "wouldn't it be exciting?"

"Lily, being an Auror is a dangerous job. You have to face dark wizards; even Volde… that's why you decided to become an Auror isn't it? You want to avenge your parents?" he said suddenly realizing what she was really saying. She wanted to go face-to-face with her parent's murderer and James couldn't tell her not to. It wasn't his decision to make.

"Why is that so bad James, can't you see how much I lost when he killed my parents? I lost everything but you, and if you die, I want to die at your side," she said fiercely and James wrapped his arms around her in an intensely protective hug.

"Sometimes I wish that you wouldn't have fallen in love with me Lils, you would have been safer with anyone else. But I won't let you go now, not for the world."

Lily walked away from the witch who had over seen her practical Transfiguration exam, feeling confident that she had gotten what was sufficient for becoming an auror. She was more relaxed now that she had given up becoming a Healer. It was too stressful to have to achieve top marks, absolutely perfect in order to attain her goal. Now her goal was a little more relaxed she no longer needed to feel that she would hold a job in which people depended on her to save their lives. Well, she did have to save lives... but in a different way.

She turned to James who was just walking in; he gave her a smile and his famous wink as he turned to the wizard who would be judging him. He must have said something funny for James laughed before transfiguring his partner (Peter Pettigrew) into a rat and back again. The wizard clapped his hands in excitement and Lily could just imagine that he was saying how he had never seen a more perfect rat. Peter then had to transform James into an animal but what is was supposed to be Lily never found out because Peter couldn't say the spell right and poor James was transfigured into several animals before the wizard turned James back into a human.

"You got an easy one," Peter complained as they walked over to Lily. James kissed her gently by way of greeting and then turned back to Peter, his arm firmly around her waist.

"It isn't my fault that he told me to change you into a rat, unless he knows about us you can't accuse me of cheating. It also isn't my fault he asked you to transfigure me into a penguin, Prongs can't do that animagi form," he said in a heated voice, for Peter was staring at him in anger.

"I shouldn't have helped you!" Peter said furiously and walked away.

"What was that all about James?" Lily asked cautiously for James had gone rigid. He softened at her voice and smiled at her.

"We need to talk Lily, tonight I am going to share with you my deepest secret and you have to swear to tell no one," he said solemnly and Lily knew this wasn't something to joke about.

"What exam do you have next?" she asked as they walked out into the courtyard. James sat beside the fountain and she sat beside him.

"Potions same as you," he said absently and then he smiled widely. "Do remember that photograph Sirius took of us on Halloween morning, where we were dancing in front of the fountain? He thought it was a riot and took a picture as I swung you around," he said wistfully. She smiled and cuddled up to his side.

"I have a copy; I keep it in an old shoe box. Someday I'll put together all my pictures from Hogwarts, but right now the shoe box works," she sighed and then looked at her watch. "Lunch starts in about ten minutes, do you want to head to the Great Hall?"

"Yeah, you can't have an empty stomach when you are about to do potions. Let's go eat," he said and they walked off to the Great Hall with their arms wrapped around each other.

James knew that he had passed potions with flying colors; they had to make the potions used for stage one, two, and three of the animagi transfigurations and James had made it so many times he could have done it in his sleep. Lily looked as though she had done reasonably well but he didn't want to ask, for her eyes were slightly hard.

"I think you had better tell me your secret now," she said angrily and pulled him into an empty classroom. James didn't even have to ask why she was angry, from her expression she had realized that all four of the marauders had made the potions without any problems.

"Sirius, Peter and I are all unregistered animagi," he said bluntly and Lily sighed.

"What about Remus?" she demanded. James was taken aback; Lily had never used this tone of voice on him before.

"He isn't an animagi, but he was with us enough to know how to make the potion," James said determined to keep this secret, but Lily was refusing to let him.

"Then why did you leave him out? The marauders do things together, I know this James, don't play stupid with me," she said briskly.

"This is one thing I cannot tell you Lily, this is a secret I take to the grave with me," he said determinedly. Lily smiled brightly, a little too brightly in James's opinion.

"Fine James, you just keep your secret. I'll find out from someone else," she said haughtily and turned to walk away. He pulled her into his arms and crushed her lips against his, begging her not to leave him. When he pulled away from her he looked into her eyes, pleading for her understanding.

"I can't tell you in the hallway where anyone could overhear us," he said worriedly and then Lily smiled sadly at him. She brought her hand up to his cheek and stroked it gently.

"I already know James, I have known for several years I fact. I know exactly what form Animagi each of you take and I know that Remus Lupin is in fact Lupine come the full moon. I just wanted you to trust me enough to tell me," she said and began to walk away from him, a glitter in her eyes. He grabbed her from behind and still giggling she was half-carried to the Head's dorm. He couldn't bring himself to be angry with her, it wasn't her fault that Remus was a big mouth. He knew that was who had told her all of that, Remus was a softy for his friends, he trusted all of them. James resigned himself to having a little chat with him later, but for now he was going to make Lily beg. It was one of his favorite games.

"The next exam isn't until 3:00, we have an hour and a half Lily, what would you like to do?" he asked in an innocent voice. She pretended to think it over before she jumped into his arms.

"Take me I'm yours," she teased and pressed a kiss to his lips. James grinned and saluted her.

"I always follow direct orders," he told her and carried her to his room, shutting the door behind him.

It took a full two weeks before N.E.W.T.'s were over and by then all the seventh years were too exhausted to fully understand that they would be graduating the following week. Instead of spending the last week of school jinxing the younger students like they had in years past, the marauders and their friends spent a lazy afternoon by the lake, accepting the fact that they were finally graduating from Hogwarts.

"Do you think we'll keep in touch?" Frank asked as he settled himself down on the ground with Alice under the newly planted beech tree. Alice leaned back against him and let herself be wrapped in his arms. Sirius rolled his eyes and looked away from them towards James and Lily.

"Of course," Sirius said in a nonchalant voice, "We're all going to be Aurors."

Lily knew that comment was directed at her, but she smiled at Sirius to show that she wasn't affected. "Have you two set the date for your wedding?" she asked Alice who blushed.

"We are getting married on the fifteenth of July," she said shyly looking back at Frank. He smiled tenderly at her and kissed her softly. "How about you?"

"We were planning on December 25th, but we aren't sure anymore, maybe March," Lily said carelessly. Erin yawned and threw a rock into the lake.

"All this love talk is making me sick," she announced and walked off, leaving everyone to wonder what they had said wrong.

"What is wrong with her?" Sirius asked awkwardly, knowing he was part of the problem. They still weren't comfortable being close to each other. He tried to make the best of things because they ran in the same group, but Erin had become more hostile this year. It was getting harder and harder to be friendly.

"She has been acting very odd this year. She turns up in odd places, with odd people," Alice said in a strained voice. She looked at Lily and then sighed. "Don't worry about her, she'll come too eventually." Lily nodded but she wasn't so sure that Erin would come around. She wasn't sure of anything that had to do with Erin anymore.

"What are you doing after Remus graduates?" Frank asked Jennifer who was the only non-seventh year with them.

"I'll have two full years to work on wedding arrangements, aren't I lucky?" she joked and Remus's ears went red.

"Moony proposed?" James asked in shock. Jennifer grinned at everyone and laughed.

"No, I just felt that since everyone else was talking about weddings I might as well join in," she said and their laughter rang out over the lake. They all felt as if nothing bad could ever touch their happy bubble.


	18. Reminiscing

**A/N: **I love this chapter because it shows memories that the characters are fond of. I have tweaked and added to the sorting memory, so it's a bit longer... plus I put in a sorting song. Hope you like it: )

**CH: 18- Reminiscing**

"I'm going to cry James," Lily announced as she looked around the Head's dorm. So many things had happened there, so many wonderful memories were stored in that little home they had created. Tonight would be the last they spent in it.

"Don't cry sweetheart, we'll have our own home at Potter Manor soon," he promised and kissed her softly. She held him tightly, tears filling her eyes. The end of the year feast was to start in less than thirty minutes and Lily realized that it would be the last she ever ate in Hogwarts.

"I'm all packed, how about you?" she asked, trying to be lighthearted, but she couldn't help but feel miserable.

"Yes I am. It's nice to know that you worry about me Lils. Everything is put away and stored neatly. We had better get to the Great Hall, we relinquish our Head's duties tonight," he said and kissed the top of her head. She sighed softly.

"I suppose you are right," she said quietly and walked out of the room with him, praying that her tears wouldn't spill over and embarrass her.

They walked down the marble staircase hand in hand, Lily trying to fight back the tears she knew were coming. She took a deep breath as they entered the Great Hall, it was decorated in the scarlet and gold of Gryffindor house, and it was a sight she would never see again. They took their places between Remus and Sirius, giving everyone forced smiles.

"Are you all right Evans?" Sirius asked worriedly as Lily smiled at him. Her strained smile slipped off of her face and she stared at her clasped hands.

"No, I can't believe we are graduating already. It seems like yesterday that we arrived," she admitted cheerlessly. Alice nodded in agreement.

"I know what you mean Lily, Just this morning Frank and I were saying that in 12 years our children could be going here, amazing isn't it?"

"I remember riding in the boats up to the castle and how hard it rained that night, I thought we were going to drown," James confided and their little group laughed. The food unexpectedly appeared on the tables and they began to eat as they reminisced about old times at school.

"Do you remember our sorting?" James asked and silence fell over them as they contemplated their memories. "We were all soaking wet…"

Flashback

"_Come in out of the rain," A tall black haired witch said and she herded the first years into the __entrance hall. After all the students were inside she paced in front of them. "Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The sorting ceremony will begin momentarily, I will advise you to think about your strong points and virtues as you wait. There are four houses here, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. We adhere to a points system for discipline and rewards. Any triumphs will earn points and any rule breaking will lose you points. I will be back out to escort you in," and she left._

_Immediately the students began to whisper amongst themselves. Each child wondering where they would be put, but not James, he knew that he would be a Gryffindor, his family had been in that noble house for five centuries and he was not planning on changing this tradition. A tall boy next to him with long greasy black hair sneered with distaste at the other students._

"_Stupid, the whole lot of them," he said sourly and James made a mental note to jinx him when he learned how. _

"_We are ready for you know," the dark haired witch said and led them into the Great Hall. James stared up in wonder at the ceiling, his parents had said it was enchanted, but he had never imagined this._

"_The ceiling is bewitched to look like the sky outside," said a petite girl with titian hair. James's mouth dropped as he recognized her as the girl from the compartment. He knew he would never live that down. The witch stopped them in front of a stool with a frayed wizard's hat on it; James knew it had once belonged to Godric Gryffindor. The brim opened and it began to sing:_

_Hello hello to one and all_

_To students short and students tall_

_This year is different than the last_

_For all the students through these halls have passed_

_Old friends are gone and new arise_

_Some will be truthful and some will tell lies_

_And this my dears is where I come in_

_To sort you into shrewd Slytherin_

_Loyal Hufflepuff or wise Ravenclaw_

_Perhaps even heroic Gryffindor_

_Each house by certain traits is defined_

_Where you will be sorted by your state of mind_

_You could belong in Gryffindor_

_With those daring, brave and stout_

_Confidence and valiant deeds are what Gryffindor's are all about_

_You could belong in Slytherin_

_With those cunning and sly folk_

_They are proud to wear the green and silver serpent upon their cloak _

_Maybe you're a true Ravenclaw_

_If you find joy in learning_

_And an ambition to be brilliant is your secret yearning_

_Perhaps in Hufflepuff you'll be_

_With devoted and true friends_

_They strive to do the best they can to achieve their ends_

_So when you all are ready to start_

_Put me on and I'll read your heart_

_For only I, the hat of sorts_

_Can tell you which house your mind supports. _

_Cheers erupted from around the Great hall as the hat finished. The song had been clever and funny at the same time. When the witch stood up again the hall fell silent and Lily's heart sank into her stomach. "I will call you off alphabetically," she said and then she began._

"_Bagman, Ludo," was called up and promptly sorted into Hufflepuff amidst cheers and clapping._

"_Black, Bellatrix," walked up and predictably she went to Slytherin amid cheers from the older boys. She smiled at her cousin and went to sit down, leaving him an open seat beside her._

"_Black, Sirius," the professor said, holding out a piece of parchment. Sirius strode up to the stool and sat down with a bored look on his face, and put the hat on his head as if he knew what it would say. He began to mouth the word "Slytherin". _

"_Gryffindor!" the hat called and the boy looked stunned for a moment before standing up and putting the hat back on the stool. There was an empty kind of silence after his name had been announced, and James didn't have to wonder why. Sirius had been so sure of himself, and now he looked lost. James almost felt sorry for him...almost. He saw that Bellatrix looked furious… and even slightly hurt that Sirius had gone to Gryffindor and James grinned. It served the two of them right. _

"_Daniels, Erin," was called and Lily watched her new friend walk up to the sorting hat. Erin looked nervous but as she slipped the hat over her head Lily became excited for her. "Gryffindor!" the hat shouted and Lily cheered for her along with the rest of the school._

"_Evans, Lily" the witch called and she felt her heart thumping wildly in her chest. She walked up and sat on the stool, slipping the hat down over her head, until it fell on her shoulders._

"_Miss Evans," said a tiny voice in her ear and she jumped, "What a difficult case you have dealt me. You have a wonderful mind, very strong and witty, but your courageous nature battles for the forefront. You would do well in Ravenclaw, bring joy to the house but I see you doing the best in… Gryffindor!" _

_She took off the hat and stood up shakily, walking to the house table. Several older boys whistled and howled as she took her seat, but she was done and felt wonderful. She caught the eye of James Potter and grimaced, why did he have to be so annoying?_

"_Lawrence, Brandon," and "Logan, Elizabeth" went into Ravenclaw and then "Longbottom, Frank" was called. _

_A tall boy with sandy brown hair walked up to the stool and sat down. Lily's attention wasn't on him though; it was on Alice who looked as though she'd seen her knight in shining armor come to call. Lily smiled brightly as she looked back and forth between the two of them; it was sweet. He was cute in a rather boyish sort of way, Lily surmised but the look on her friends face was priceless. _

"_Gryffindor!" the hat shouted and Alice clapped harder than anyone else. Lily wanted to laugh but knew it would hurt Alice's feelings; she just had to pretend like she didn't notice a thing. She thought Alice would have clapped if Frank had been sorted into Slytherin, but it really didn't matter if Alice was happy._

"_Isn't he cute?" Erin asked and Lily quieted her down; she had enough boys to be getting on with. Alice deserved to have her very own crush._

"_Lupin, Remus," the witch said and Remus was sorted quickly into Gryffindor. James clapped his hands gleefully; if he was sorted into Gryffindor as well he at least knew he would have someone to help him with his pranks._

"_Nott, Edward" was sorted into Slytherin along with "Parkinson, Carl" and they walked to the table together amidst cheers from the green and silver clad Slytherin's._

"_Pettigrew, Peter," was also sorted into Gryffindor after over three minutes on the stool, and James grinned because he had liked the boy immediately. _

"_Potter, James." He smiled brightly, walked up to the hat and slammed it on his head, feeling fairly confident in himself for the first time in his life. _

_A tiny voice resounded in his ear, "Ahhh, Mr. Potter, I can tell right away that you will be an asset and a burden to whichever house you are sorted into. You have qualities that each house would treasure, Mischief places you in the Slytherin category, bravery and courage for Gryffindor, Loyalty and friendship would place you in Hufflepuff and your clever wits would sort you into Ravenclaw. I have quite a peculiar mess on my hands. I think that you will do best in…Gryffindor!" it shouted the last word and James stepped down, placing the hat on the stool and walked cockily to the Gryffindor table. _

_After James sat down a pair of twins "Prewitt, Fabian," and "Prewitt, Gideon" were sorted into Ravenclaw. "Snape, Severus" was called up and James instantly recognized him as the greasy black haired boy who had picked on Peter. He felt his fist clench, and then unclench a bit as he was sorted into Slytherin. He saw Peter's face and suddenly felt pity on the boy. He looked terrified of the ugly, hook-nosed git._

"_Don't worry, Peter, I'll protect you," he said and he felt Peter relax slightly._

"_Snyder, Tabitha," was sorted into to Slytherin then and appreciative whistles filled the room. She flashed a wide smile at everyone and Lily felt hatred well up within her. There was something about that girl she didn't like._

"_Turner, Alice," was called and she shakily stood up as Lily crossed her fingers underneath the table. She glanced over at the boy Alice had been staring at earlier as if her life depended upon it and saw that it looked as if he was holding his breath. She grinned and turned back to her friend. "Gryffindor!" the hat shouted. Lily and Erin cheered, they were all going to be together._

Flashback over

"The good old days right Prongs?" Sirius teased and slapped James on the back. He smiled at his best mate and then turned to Lily.

"Most of my free time wasn't spent planning practical jokes to play on people like most people think. Actually," he said with a gleam in his eyes, "I spent most of my free time planning different ways to convince Lily to date me." Lily blushed.

"You should have spent more time studying," she teased but kissed him nonetheless. Remus looked lost in thought and then he laughed.

"The best plan we ever concocted was a love potion in our third year, do you remember Padfoot?" Remus said with an air of someone who is about to tell a wonderful story.

"Do I remember Moony? Of course I do, we had detention for two months solid. I bet we have polished more trophies and cleaned more bedpans than all the other students combined," Sirius said good-naturedly. James felt his face becoming a brilliant red and he shifted his eyes to the Treacle pudding on the table.

"Tell me Remus, it sounds delightful!" Lily said and pinched James in the side. He retaliated by pinching her bottom and not too lightly. "I need more blackmail on him."

"You see it was in our third year when you rejected him so badly Lily. He had asked you to go to Hogsmeade with him…"

Flashback

"_Lily, if you aren't going with anyone would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me? We can visit anywhere you want," James said rushing up to Lily the night before the first Hogsmeade visit._

"_No thanks Potter, I'd rather go alone that with you. Your ego is enough company for you," she said and tossed her hair over her shoulder as she walked up the steps to the girl's dorm._

"_I'll never get Lily to like me," he moaned and flopped down into a chair by the fire. The other three marauders smiled at him like they usually did when he brought up Lily Evans._

"_Of course you won't the way you go about it," Remus teased as he made a brilliant move in his game of wizard's chess with Sirius. "You practically threw yourself at her, she was bound to resist."_

"_How do I get her?" James whined. Sirius sighed as he looked at his best friend. _

"_Jamesie, you need to understand that girls play hard to get, you need to slowly worm your way into their affections, not ram yourself down their throat," Sirius said absently as he retaliated against Remus, capturing his King's side castle._

"_I have an idea!" Remus said excitedly and James looked at him with interest. Sirius, James and Peter watched interestedly as Remus rummaged through his thick book bag and pulled out a heavy looking tome and began to shuffle through it. "Here it is!" he announced and handed the book to James. He could have laughed out loud._

"_You want to make a love potion? Are you crazy?" James asked and Remus grinned at him._

"_I can't believe we are making a love potion," James said an hour later as they rummaged through the students cupboards. _

"_I can't believe that we are out after curfew," Peter said worriedly and kept looking around for teachers._

"_You'll never have any fun Peter if you are always worried about getting caught," Sirius said and grabbed a few jars of beetle eyes. They heard footsteps coming down the hall and they all froze._

"_Who would be down in the dungeons at this time of night?" Remus asked worriedly. Their Potions professor walked in and tapped his foot._

"_Well, well, well. The marauders are out again, what for this time?" Professor Slughorn was usually very enthusiastic but after three years of dealing with the marauders he was getting old and fast._

"_Ingredients for a love potion," James said softly and he knew that those had been the wrong words, even if they were the truth. Slughorn sighed and wiped his hand over his face in irritation._

"_Go back to bed boys; we'll discuss your detentions later." They ran back up to the Gryffindor common room quickly, thanking God that it was Slughorn who had caught them and not McGonagall._

Flashback over

"So you never even made the potion?" Lily said trying her hardest not to laugh.

"Nope, we had to give all of our ingredients back along with detentions," Sirius said and smiled at the memory. Lily reached up and kissed James sweetly.

"It's alright James, you never needed the potion in the first place," she said softly and James smiled down at her and kissed her again. Their lips played softly against each other and James moved his arm around to pull her closer.

"Not again, you guys are getting all mushy!" Sirius complained and sighed dramatically. They all laughed, Peter and Erin included, until Dumbledore stood up and clapped his hands making the tables clear.

"Another year is gone and our seventh years are graduating and going out into the real world. I must congratulate each and every student for their improvement this year even when times were rough. I'd like to give a special thanks to our Head Boy and Girl for this year and congratulate them on a job well done," he said in his dry, whispery voice. The room erupted in cheers and applause.

"I have a grave need to give you all my advice, whether you take it or not is up to you. As you all know a Dark Lord is rising and things will get worse before they get better. I beg each and every one of you to protect your families as best as you can, and live your lives as if you would never see another day. Do the things that you enjoy and don't let your life slip by you. Get married," he looked at Lily and James, "have children, find wonderful jobs and always remember that _life is what you make it, not what it gives to you,_" he sat down and the hall echoed in shouts of appreciation. "One more quick announcement," he said standing up again as Professor McGonagall whispered something in his ear, "for all of you who will be at Hogwarts next year, apparating on or in Hogwarts grounds will be forbidden as it causes too much hassle with Professors and the kitchen for all those who enjoy a late night snack. This is a new law passed under the Decree for underage wizards and we must abide by it. Now please enjoy your last evening and don't leave anything behind."

"It's over now James, we are no longer Hogwarts students," Lily said softly as they stepped into the Head's dorm. She felt as if the balance of her life was gone; she had nowhere to go now that her parents were dead and she was out of school. This was something that she hadn't even considered. "James, I have nowhere to go tomorrow."

"Yes you do Lils; you are coming home with me. You didn't think I would let you go that easily? My parents have already set up a suite of rooms for you at home," he said as if he had told her this a million times.

"Are you sure James? I don't want to make trouble with your family," she said but he could tell she had already decided to go home with him.

"You are my family Lily, for as long as I live you will be all the home I ever need," he promised as he swept her off her feet planning on making love to her one last time in the Head's dorm.

"Let's sleep on the sofa tonight James, just like old times," she begged and he smiled at her.

"That is the best idea you've had in a long time sweetheart," he said and put her on the couch. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her.

"Make it last James, I want to remember this night forever," she whispered against his lips. "I want it to be the best we have ever had."

"It will be Lils, I promise," he said. He was good to his word; it was something they never forgot.


	19. Potter Manor and 'Awakening'

**A/N: **This chapter features my very favorite rooms in the whole world. "Awakening" isn't actually a suite, it's a series of two rooms in a set of four (I think) that are located in Nauvoo, Illinois. I have never seen anything quite as beautiful in my life, and hopefully I will have the chance to see them again. I hope you enjoy Lily's journey to her new home.

**CH: 19- Potter Manor & Awakening**

"Invite me to the wedding," Lily said as she hugged Alice goodbye. She was crying again, she couldn't help it. Alice had been her friend since her first train ride to Hogwarts and she knew that she may never see her again.

"Invite me to yours as well. I wouldn't forgive you if ten years down the road I see you and you have a million children without contacting me," she teased. They hugged again, trying to make the moment last. Erin had disappeared and Lily wasn't surprised for Erin had changed drastically in the past year.

"I'll be staying with James's parents so I'll owl you as soon as I arrive," Lily promised. The two girls stared at each other in a way no one else would ever understand; it was as if they were losing half of themselves which in a way, they felt they were.

"Bye," they called and walked away before any more tears could be shed. James reached out and took her hand in his, he had already said goodbye to the marauders and he wanted her to meet his parents.

"Lily there are some things you need to know about my parents," he said suddenly and she stopped in her tracks.

"Like what James?" she asked with an anxious smile on her face.

"My parents aren't like yours; they have very… interesting professions. My mum is a healer, so you can understand her, but my dad is an Unspeakable," he said quickly.

"An Unspeakable?" she asked curiously.

"He works in the Department of Mysteries, he does a lot of odd things and he isn't allowed to talk about them. So if he appears not to like you, the truth is he just can't show a lot of emotion because of his job," he explained and Lily smiled at him.

"I wouldn't care if your father was the conductor of the Knight Bus James, you are still the same person to me," she said and kissed him gently. He took her hand in his and began to search for his parents.

He spotted them speaking to Remus's parents and he saw the latter looking at their son in surprise as he introduced Jennifer.

"Mum!" James called and Kylie Potter smiled brightly and pulled at her husband's arm and pointed to James. She rushed forward and hugged him tightly before turning to Lily.

"You must be the young lady my son has been after for the last seven years. He talks about little else you know," she said and to Lily's surprise she hugged her as well. "He told us about your parents and he asked us to fix up a room for you, which we have. You're going to love Potter Manor!"

"Give her breathing room Kylie," said a kind faced man in dark blue wizard robes with the ministry of magic symbol on them. "James my boy, you have finally brought your young lady home to us."

"You knew I wouldn't rest until I did," James said with a grin and hugged his father enthusiastically. Lily was surprised by all the attention, but she welcomed it too.

"Please call me mum, and call Nathaniel dad," Kylie said as they walked to the appointed apparating spot. "You can apparate right dear?"

"Yes, I got my license last summer," Lily said breathless from all the attention and Kylie nodded in approval.

"Hold James's hand at least, we don't want you getting lost and the coordinates are to difficult to explain," Nathaniel Potter said and walked to the area. He and his wife were gone, leaving James to take Lily.

"Are you ready to see your new home sweetheart?" James asked and Lily nodded. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her tightly to him, Lily put her arms around his neck and with the uncomfortable feeling of being sucked through a tube, they left King's Cross and arrived on the lawn of a large estate.

"Is this Potter Manor?" she asked in an awed voice. James nodded at her amazed look and he smiled.

"Enormous isn't it?" he asked in a soft and teasing voice. Lily could only nod as she stared at the house; it was unlike anything she had ever seen before. It was a tall stone building that looked as though it could hold Buckingham Palace twice in its sprawling domain. It looked inviting though with the front garden splayed out before them, and the double fountains spraying sweetly. Lily couldn't even see everything and she wanted to spend the rest of the day exploring.

"How many rooms does it have?" she finally asked as she walked up the stairs. James was overjoyed at her reaction to his ancestral home.

"It has well over three hundred rooms, it also has close to one hundred suites, complete with bathrooms and sitting rooms," he informed her and Lily fell backward into his arms.

"You have close to four hundreds sleeping areas?" she asked in astonishment.

"Yes, but we don't use the west or east wing, so the house-elves don't have as many rooms to clean," he said matter-of-factly. Lily was still in shock, she didn't know that he was that wealthy, and she felt like a gold-digger.

"I don't love you for your money," she blurted out. James laughed and pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her hair.

"I know that Lily, and so do my parents. I told them that you knew nothing about our money or our home and they instantly accepted you without meeting you. I can't believe that money would even be an option, if I had I would have bought you things to win your heart instead of waiting for you to fall in love with me," he said teasingly and kissed her.

"You are the best thing in my life," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around his neck and returned his kiss.

"And you are the best thing in mine as well," he told her and hugged her tightly. He picked her up in his arms and swung her around, loving the feel of her hair on his face. They didn't know that they were being watched.

"They look so happy together Nathaniel, and I want her to feel welcome," Kylie said as she watched the two of them together. They seemed like they were so in love and Kylie remembered the first time James had mentioned her.

"_Her name is Lily Evans and she has the most amazing green eyes…"_

He had talked about nothing but her each and every holiday he had spent at home. Kylie had begun to think that if Lily didn't accept him sooner or later that James would never fall in love with anyone else, she was glad that the girl had come around. James had told her last Christmas:

"_Mum, I know you are worried about me, but I love Lily. I just need her to accept it and if she doesn't… well she is it for me. I could never love another woman."_

Kylie had been so worried about him then, she didn't want the Potter line to die off but she wasn't going to push him into a marriage he didn't want with a person he didn't love. Lily had finally seen the virtues in her son, the virtues that Kylie had known he had locked deep inside of himself.

Kylie also knew about all of Lily's hardships over the year. How she had been raped and then how James had sat by her side everyday pledging his love for her. If that hadn't made her love him nothing could have. They walked into the house then and Kylie smiled at the two of them as they kissed softly, smiling into each other's eyes.

"Hello you two lovebirds," Kylie said with a grin. "James, will you show Lily to her suite, it's the one you used to call 'awakening'." James's face lit up in a grin and he took Lily's hand and began to run up the stairs.

"What is it James? Why did you call the room 'awakening'?" Lily asked as he rushed her up the stairs and into the north wing.

"My suite of rooms is right next to yours, actually my parents don't know this but there is a passage from your rooms to mine," he said and pointed out his suite. "I'll show it to you after I show you your suite." He opened a door then and Lily walked inside.

She instantly knew why he must have called it such an odd name. When she walked inside she saw the wall of mirrors that ran along the front of the room. The bed was a king sized and it was a gossamer canopy. She walked in and stared at it in amazement. The remaining three walls were painted different colors. On one wall, the one you saw when you first walked in was painted an early morning sunrise, complete with lazy clouds and the sun peeking over a mountain. The next wall was the same mountain area in mid day with a bright yellow sun and green meadow. The last wall was the same mountain in the evening, the stars shining and illuminating the meadow where the moon flowers were blossoming.

"It's amazing James, I can see why you call this suite 'awakening'. It's absolutely beautiful," she breathed.

"You haven't seen everything yet, your sitting room is adjoined and so is your bathroom," he said and brought her into the sitting room. Lily brought her hand to her mouth in shock. "You like it?" he asked.

"Like it… James it's… there are no words for it," she whispered as she spun around slowly taking in everything.

The room was a masterpiece, plain and simple. The walls depicted the creation of the world as it ran around the room. There were animals and flowers, and God holding the universe in his hands, surrounded by stars and planets. The furniture was all hickory wood, plain so as not to distract from the beauty of the room itself.

"I love it James, I can't even tell you how much I like it!" she exclaimed and then she kissed him, hard and passionate.

"If all it took was showing you your rooms to get you in the mood, we can visit every suite in this house until you are panting with need for me," he teased after she let him go. She couldn't take offense for the room was too glorious, too magnificent to squander its beauty.

"I want to see your suite James. I want to see the bed where we will make love," she said huskily and James laughed, he knew she was teasing him because he had made the joke about her being in the mood.

"Follow me princess," he teased and led her to his suite. It was in no way a match for hers, but it was very nice. It was painted a dark blue and he had ivory furniture and bed clothing. Lily sat on the bed and then crooked her finger, giving him a come hither look. He was immediately obedient and he sauntered over to the bed and took her in his arms.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," she replied and then they sunk onto the bed together, lips pressed firmly together and bodies tingling with the nearness of the other.

"I need to show you something," he said in a voice that dripped with regret as he pulled away from her.

"Later," she said and tried to pull him back down to her. He laughed and put her hands on her stomach.

"As inviting as you look, I think you want to see this," he said and pulled her up. She looked a little miffed but walked with him anyways. He showed her a tapestry and when she looked unimpressed he pulled it back, revealing a door that Lily knew must lead to her room. She opened it and sure enough it led to a tapestry through which, when she pushed against it, led to her own bedroom.

"Where is your parents suite located?" she asked in a low throaty voice.

"Their suite is in the south wing. Trust me they wouldn't hear an earthquake if it hit our wing," he promised and smiled. "I'm so glad that you are finally here. I have imagined you in this suite since I was twelve years old."

"I'm glad you did, because if I had had my choice you would have dropped dead shortly after our first year," she said sweetly.

Laughter rang out in Potter Manor as it never had before and wouldn't again for nearly two decades. Lily had brought love and life to the Manor with her and everyone felt it and relished in it. She would make Master James very happy.


	20. Wedding Plans

**A/N: **Another chapter that is a sort of filler chapter. You learn a little bit about James's mother and a little bit more about Lily's temper. Only a couple chapters left!

**CH: 20- Wedding Plans**

Life became very hectic in the summer months at Potter Manor. Lily and James received the letters that congratulated them on receiving seven N.E.W.T.'s apiece, more than enough for them to send in their applications for Auror training. Lily, though, also had wedding plans to work on.

James wanted to get married on Christmas day to commemorate the anniversary of the day all walls came down between them. Lily thought it was a marvelous idea, but Kylie wouldn't let her do it alone. She had her own ideas of what their marriage should be like, and Lily was pulling her hair out.

"But dear, roses are more traditional. Don't you want cream and white roses?' Kylie asked as they were discussing flower arrangements for the reception.

"No Kylie, I want lilies, they signify purity and love, and James and my love is a pure as it gets," Lily argued. She wanted Easter Lilies and she would fight until Easter to get her way. Kylie sighed and sat back in her chair.

"You are definitely a match for my son, are you always this stubborn?" Kylie asked as she wrote down an order for lilies.

"More so with James, he needs to be disagreed with sometimes," Lily said patiently. Kylie gazed at her soon to be daughter-in-law and smiled; life with her would never be boring for her son.

"That is true, show me what you have picked out in the way of wedding dress robes," Kylie said and Lily sighed. Here we go again; she thought and pulled out the book.

"I was thinking about this emerald green and ivory silk one. I have plenty of money to pay for it myself," she said hurriedly when she saw Kylie's look of disapproval.

"It isn't the cost dear, it's the color. I think you should wear the traditional white," she said sternly. Lily narrowed her eyes at her.

"This is my wedding Kylie, I think I should be able to choose my own wedding attire, my flowers, my colors and even the way I wear my hair. If you don't agree I'm sorry, but it is my wedding," Lily said sharply and stood up, knocking the chair she was sitting in over.

"You aren't a virgin are you?" Kylie said suddenly as she remembered what James had said about her rape and Lily's face flushed brightly. Kylie regretted it the instant it was out of her mouth and she clapped her hand to her mouth. "I'm sorry about that, it isn't any of my business..."

"You are right, it isn't any of your business if I am or not, Mrs. Potter. It is my business and I think you should respect that," Lily announced and walked away from the woman who was about to make her explode.

"Lils, are you okay?" James asked as Lily walked into the house. She looked mad as hell, as though she and someone had just had a furious row. It had to be his mother. "Lils, come here," he said and Lily walked over to him with her arms crossed, face angry.

"I'm leaving, I don't care if I have to live by myself until the wedding," she said in a rush and began to walk back up the stairs. He ran up behind her and picked her up, tossing her over his shoulder and he walked to his suite with Lily cursing furiously in his ear.

"You son of a bitch, put me down. I hate it when you treat me like a child, I'm a bloody adult just like you. Bugger off you bastard..." she was in mid-rant when he dropped her onto his bed.

"Now, what is the problem?" he asked and lay down beside her. To his astonishment she began to cry, he hadn't known she was that upset. He was used to her temper, but not to her tears. She didn't cry easily.

"Your mother is a tyrannical beast! This is our wedding, and I want it the way I want it. She should respect that and not try to change every decision I make by claiming its 'traditional'," Lily wept bitterly and James held her tightly to him. He should have known his mother was going to push Lily for 'traditional.' He knew his parents had always wanted him to marry a pure-blood and keep up the perfect bloodline. Everything with his family was traditional, but he hoped that his mother would have been able to look past that and see that Lily was good for him... and them.

"Oh Lily, if I knew she was going to do this I wouldn't have asked her to help you out. I thought that you had too much to do lately and needed and extra pair of hands," he said soothingly and kissed her gently. He smoothed her face away from her hair and tucked it behind her ear.

"An extra pair of hands yes, an extra set of opinions no. I want everything to be perfect James and she is trying to make me feel bad. She actually asked me if I'm a virgin!" Lily cried in outrage. James could understand her indignation; he would have been mortified if Lily's father had asked him if he was a virgin.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry. Would you feel better if I talk to my mother and tell her to keep her mouth shut?" James asked. Lily nodded but then a tiny smile flicked in her eyes.

"Only if you make love to me first," she whispered and moved herself closer to him, kissing his neck gently. He laughed and rolled her on top of him. Lily used their lovemaking as a way to drown her sorrows and get back to her happy self. James didn't mind, he loved the fact that she enjoyed being with him. He kissed her nose and laughed again.

"I think I can arrange that."

"Mum!" James called as he walked downstairs after his enjoyable afternoon romp with Lily.

"I'm in the blue salon darling!" Kylie called and James walked into the front salon where they kept their piano. She smiled at him and then returned to her book, which James could tell was filled with wedding decorations and ideas. "What do you need James?"

"I need for you to stop making Lily miserable. She came crying to me a few hours ago and told me that you asked her a very personal question and that you have been trying to control the wedding," James accused and her face fell.

"Oh, Lily told you that did she? I thought that since she didn't have a mother, she would like to have a woman's opinion," Kylie said in surprise. James clenched his fist; he knew what his mother was doing now. She was trying to control Lily by playing on her emotions, just as she had always done to him.

"Mum, I won't allow you to hurt Lily. I love you but sometimes you don't care for others feelings when you are trying to get what you want," he said and began to walk away but then he had another thought and turned back around. "If you have personal questions to ask her don't accuse her of it. Just ask, she needs a woman to call mother but she won't come to you unless you try to be accepting. She is perfect just the way she is." Kylie was left dumbstruck as her son walked out of the room. She knew that she had been thoughtless in asking about her virginity, but she didn't realize that she hurt the girl so badly.

Kylie walked upstairs to Lily's suite and found it empty; on impulse, she went to her son's suite and opened the door a crack. Sure enough, she was in the suite, but it wasn't what Kylie had expected to see. Lily was sitting on his bed, a big fluffy robe wrapped around her and she was crying while James held her.

"Why can't she just accept me for me? Why should it matter to her if I want lilies instead of roses, or a green robe instead of a white one? Why should she care if I am a… virgin or not?" Lily sobbed. James kissed her cheek as he brushed the hair away from her eyes.

"Give her another chance Lils, I'm sure she'll be more understanding because I talked to her," he said lovingly and Lily turned into his arms, kissing him desperately.

Kylie saw where it was leading and she left the room, closing the door quietly. Had she been so wrong about Lily? She had assumed that the girl was after James for his money, but the way they acted around each other proved that she really did love him. She would have to win her over but how was the question.

"Lily dear, I need to go over some arrangements with you," Kylie told Lily the next morning at breakfast. Lily repressed a groan and tried to look as cheerful as possible. She took a deep breath and nodded politely. She would do this for James or die trying.

"That would be lovely Mrs. Potter," she said without any real enthusiasm and turned back to her toast and jam.

"Thank you darling," James whispered in her ear as he leaned over. Lily blushed and gave him a quick kiss.

"Only for you James, only for you," she replied and sighed heavily. Kylie caught this but she didn't say a word, there were more important things to be done.

After breakfast Kylie took hold of Lily's hand and walked with her through the house into a large room that Lily had never seen before. "You see, James wants to hold the reception here but it is very dull. Do you have any ideas for decorations?" Kylie asked she gestured to the ballroom. Lily was astonished; the room was beautiful, she couldn't think of a single thing to add to it.

"It's beautiful," she whispered and Kylie smiled gently.

"Yes it is dear, but we need to order flower arrangements and other decorations," Kylie informed her.

"Do these doors open out over the garden?" Lily asked and walked over to several large oak doors.

"Yes, it is called an arbor. There is a large balcony that each of the doors opens to and it hangs over the gardens. There is a gazebo out in the gardens as well dear," Kylie explained as Lily opened the doors and gasped. The back gardens looked beautiful from the ballroom, or so Lily thought.

"Can't we have the wedding in the garden? The gazebo would be perfect for exchanging vows," Lily said softly, imagining the two of them vowing their eternal love for each other among the garden so filled with life.

"The wedding is on Christmas Lily, it would be far too cold," Kylie said in a laughing tone.

"You're right of course," Lily said but she gazed at the gazebo wistfully. Kylie took pity on the girl and she placed her hand on Lily's shoulder.

"I have an idea," she said suddenly and Lily gave her a wry smile.

"Of course you do Mrs. Potter," she said a little harshly, "I'm sure you can do everything without my help, after all, you'll just make me feel bad about my decision later."

"Oh Lily, did I hurt you that bad my dear?" Kylie asked in a pained voice and Lily turned toward her, Kylie's eyes were filled with tears. "I didn't mean to make you feel as if I were taking over; I just want my son to have the very best wedding. I can see that you have already thought about that though, he wants anything you want."

"You make it sound as if I have cast a spell on him," Lily accused and Kylie smiled gently.

"In a way you have Lily. He knew the moment he laid eyes on you that he would never love anyone else. Love is the greatest magic of all, and you and James have it in abundance," she said quietly and Lily felt a little bit of her annoyance slip away. "Can you forgive me for hurting you dear? I would like us to be friends." Lily hugged the older woman tightly, giving her little room to breath.

"Yes, can you forgive my stubbornness? I have a temper at times," Lily admitted and Kylie laughed.

"Everything is forgotten, now would you like to hear my idea?"


	21. Fawke's Fan Club

**A/N: **I wrote a new scene for this chapter because the way it was in the original version didn't seem to fit very well. I like the new elongated fight between our couple better, it makes the afterwards even better.

**CH: 21- Fawkes Fan Club**

_Dear Miss Evans,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to start your auror training next month. Only the most skilled witches and wizards are able to join the elite, be proud of your accomplishment. Your three-year training will be vigorous and isolated, including yourself and the three other members of your team. Congratulations._

_Glenda Goodwitch_

_Head of Auror Training_

"James!" Lily shrieked and ran into his suite clutching their letters to her chest. After two months of waiting the letters were finally there, and it was about time too, October was creeping up on them quickly. "James we have been accepted to auror training, it begins next month!"

"That is wonderful," James said and grabbed his letter and scanned it quickly. "Lils, have you read the second page of the letter?" Lily shook her head and then he motioned for her to do so.

"What?!" she shouted and then turned the letter over to see if there was more and sat on his bed with a defeated look. It said clearly that unless a couple was already married they could not be married until their training was over. "We can't get married until the three years are up, it's too great a risk?" she whispered horror-struck. "What will we do James?"

"Wait to get married," he said tonelessly. How could they enforce a rule like that? He and Lily needed each other and he knew she needed to know that he wasn't going to leave her anytime soon; marriage would help her with that. He took a deep breath and crushed his letter in his fist angrily. Damn the Auror department.

"You can't be serious," she said numbly and stood up with tears in her eyes. "You can't mean it."

"Being an Auror means making sacrifices Lils, if you can't make those sacrifices don't become an Auror," he said bitterly and tossed his letter down on the floor. He turned to her, to tell her that he didn't want to be an Auror if it meant losing her but the fire in Lily's eyes stopped him.

"I have made sacrifices James! I gave up my dream of being a Healer; I gave up my family, my love, I gave up the only things I had to give. Not to be an Auror but to be your wife. If being an Auror means more to you than being my husband, go ahead and go, but I am staying here," she said furiously and walked through the tapestry door to her suite. James looked at the fabric separating them for a short moment and then stood up. He could feel his blood roaring through his veins, adrenaline pouring through this body.

"Lily Janet Evans!" He roared and swept the tapestry back, storming into her room. She was curled up on her bed, weeping silently over her broken heart. The fire in his blood cooled a bit, but not enough. How dare she tell him to leave her? Did she really think she could just dismiss him that easily? "I'm not through with you yet!" he yelled. Lily looked up at him with pain written all over her face.

"Yes, but I am through with you," she said quietly and turned away from him. He felt his fists clench and he sat on the edge of her bed.

"I'm not going to become an Auror," he said softly, trying to control his raging temper.

"I don't give a damn about what you want to do. Damn you to hell Potter," she cried and turned her face into her pillows. James shook his head and climbed onto the bed next to her.

"So I am back to being Potter now huh? Shall I show you what I think of that?" he asked and without another word he pulled her into his arms and pressed her unyielding body against his and began to kiss her with all the love he had for her. He kicked off his shoes and rolled over until he was lying on top of her. "I'm not going anywhere sweetheart, not in your lifetime," he whispered against her ear.

She raised her arm as if to hit him and he caught her wrist tightly. "Don't touch me, you only want one thing and I don't want to give it to you. I really don't mean anything to you, do I?" she asked bitterly.

"You really think I only want your body?" James looked into her eyes as he whispered his question. He put her hand against his heart, splaying it out so that she could feel the rapid beat against her palm. Tears coursed down her cheeks and she hid her face in the pillows once again.

"I don't know anymore. You haven't told me that you love me in weeks, oh you'll make love to me alright, but you never actually tell me the words anymore. Is it just that easy for you to forget me?" Her voice was muffled, but James heard the pain in her voice as clear as a bell.

Did she really think he didn't love her any longer? James thought about it and realized she was right, he hadn't told her that he loved her in a while. He supposed that he just assumed she knew and it was understood between them. He loved her with a passion that went beyond words, just saying "I love you" meant nothing compared to what he really felt. He loved her, but it was so much more than that.

"Lily... I don't know what to say," he admitted softly.

"Just go, James. You want to be an Auror and I am holding you back. I think you've known that for awhile. Just go back to your room and leave me alone, I need some time to think about us," she whispered tearfully. James shook his head, feeling his own tears well up in his eyes.

"No."

It was one word, but it felt as though it was wrenched from the very core of his being. He couldn't let her do this, it was them against the world, she was all he needed. "Lily, don't do this sweetheart. You know that you are everything to me. If I haven't said the words it isn't because I'm not thinking them. Honestly, what I feel for you is so much more than love. That word doesn't even touch upon the real truth. When I'm with you nothing else matters but seeing your face," he put his hand to the side of her face and turned her to look into his eyes. He brushed his fingertips against her cheek, brushing the tears away. "Nothing matters but just being with you and knowing that we share something that is so incredible that it makes my heart stop every time I think about it. I love you with everything I am... I am not complete without you."

She buried her face in his shoulder and held him tightly against her. "You really mean all of that?"

James let out a sigh of relief and he kissed her hair. "With every breath I take," he promised. She turned her lips to his and kissed him softly. James wasn't about to let her get away with that. He pushed his body against hers, molding them together. "This isn't about sex, my love. It's about sharing what we have with one another. It's the only way I know to show you that I love you, giving you as much pleasure as humanly possible. Let me wipe your fears away. Let me make love to you," he said against her lips.

Lily nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing him to move even closer to her. "I love you, James. Thank you for loving me."

James began to kiss a path down her neck, his tongue making her skin burn at his touch. "No, thank you Lily, for letting me love you."

Their lovemaking was intense, filled with more love and passion than ever before. Together they reached their fulfillment in a crashing wave of pleasure that enveloped them both. It was several minutes before either of them were able to say anything at all.

"We do have another option Lils," he said and smoothed her hair away from her face, "we get married and go to work with my father. He told me that you and I would be perfect for Unspeakables because we only speak to each other," he teased. Lily laughed and kissed him gently.

"We don't become Aurors then?" she asked as she traced circles on his chest. James caught her hand in his and then brought it to his lips.

"No, not if you want to be married in December," he said and Lily sighed.

"You'll be giving up your dream. I don't want you to do that," she whispered sadly.

"_You_ are my dream Lily, since the day I met you I have only had one dream and that is for you to be mine forever," he told her and she blushed.

"Unspeakables then, when do we start?" she asked and James smiled.

"That's my girl."

Albus Dumbledore joined them for dinner that night; it was quite a surprise to the entire family. He walked in the door unannounced only moments before they sat down to eat.

"Hello Kylie, hello Nathaniel. How are the Potter's doing?" he asked with the usual twinkle in his eyes. "Ah, James and Lily, my two best and brightest students, how are you?"

"Albus! What brings you here away from Hogwarts?" Lily exclaimed and she rushed to hug the old man who held her tightly.

"Ah Lily, I hope you two haven't married yet. I would like to be there to see it. After all it isn't everyday that two people who are so much in love decide to join their hearts together for eternity," he said kindly and Lily grinned at him, but she noticed that he didn't answer her question. Before she could ask him again Kylie stepped in.

"Would you like to join us Albus? We are just about to go into the dining room for dinner," Kylie invited. Dumbledore smiled at all three of them and held his hand out.

"Lead the way Kylie."

"Actually I am here to speak to the younger Potters, or soon to be Potters,' Dumbledore said a little later with a wink in Lily's direction, he was answering her question as if she had just asked it.

"Oh, what about?" James asked curiously as he spooned roast beef onto his plate beside his fried potatoes.

"Pass me the potatoes, would you James. That's a boy," Dumbledore said as he was passed a large bowl of fried potatoes. "It is actually a matter of utmost importance and secrecy. Sirius, Remus, Peter have all been spoken to as well as the Longbottom's," he said and Lily smiled. Alice and Frank had gotten married two weeks after graduation and it had been a beautiful ceremony.

"What about Erin?" Lily asked hopefully but a dark shadow appeared over Dumbledore's face. Lily knew that whatever had happened had been very wrong.

"Erin has gone missing Lily; her family hasn't seen her since she left for Hogwarts last year. Apparently she didn't even bother to see them at King's Cross Station when they came to take her home. It appears also that she and Regulus Black disappeared together, as he didn't arrive at school on the first of September. We have a very reliable source who knew they were spending a lot of time together," he finished sadly. Lily couldn't say anything; she just looked down at her plate. "I'm sorry Lily; I didn't want to be the one to tell you."

"It's alright Albus; I should have realized sooner that something was going to happen to her. She was too caught up in jealousy and revenge to be a good friend," Lily said and sat up in her chair, but the pain in her eyes was still there.

"After the meal I would like to speak to the two of you alone," Albus said and they nodded.

Dinner, in the end, was quite an enjoyable affair, with Dumbledore supplying traditional Christmas Crackers (a little out of season) and the trading of comical hats. Lily saw the mice scurry away and wondered if Grimm and Merlin were going to eat well that evening.

"The yellow salon," Kylie offered and Albus, Lily and James walked in. "Nathaniel and I will be in the ballroom making some changes to the decorations," Kylie said and winked at Lily. They were left alone with the headmaster.

"I want you to know that what I am asking is completely on a volunteer basis. It requires courage and stamina, I know you both have these in abundance, but it also requires risking your lives. If you choose to accept, one or the other of you may not live to see your children grow up," he said softly. James reached for Lily's hand and she took it thankfully.

"What are you asking of us Albus? We haven't even begun our life together yet and here you are telling us we may die before we have children?" James asked in a worried tone.

"You have heard of the Death Eaters, I presume?" Albus asked as he pulled off his spectacles and began to clean them.

"Who hasn't?" Lily said in confusion, "But what does that have to do with us?"

"I am forming an alliance of witches and wizards called the Order of the Phoenix. We will be fighting the Death Eaters and trying to keep them away from the wizarding community. Please help us, I know that you two will be a great asset to the organization," Albus appealed.

"The Order of the Phoenix? Fawkes has a fan club then?" James joked, but Lily gave him a cool-it look and he sighed. "I suppose it is the only right thing to do, after all Albus, we can't let Voldemort win." Lily smiled at the man she loved; he always did the right thing. Then she turned to the headmaster.

"We accept Albus, when is the first meeting?"

"Are you sure about this Lily? As he said this is a dangerous game we are playing. We might never live to have children," James said as they lie in bed that night holding each other tighter than ever before.

"We will James, I have a feeling and my feelings are never wrong," Lily murmured sleepily and James kissed her nose.

"I feel much better about joining this Phoenix thingy," James teased and Lily laughed softly.

"Can you believe that we are getting married in a month?" she asked and was suddenly wide-awake. "A month?"

"Amazing isn't it Lils? We could be sending our first child to Hogwarts twelve years from now?" he said tenderly. Lily began to tremble, all her life she had dreamed of her impending wedding, but she had pictured her father walking her down the aisle, and her mother fussing over her wedding robes at the last minute. Neither of them would be there, nor would Petunia.

"I'm not ready James," she said softly and turned toward him, "who will walk me down the aisle? Who will tell me that I look more beautiful than my mother did? Who will give me away?"

"Lily are you okay?" James asked worriedly but Lily was frantic now, nothing he could say was helping her out. Finally he took her arms and shook her gently, her eyes focused on his. "We will make our own tradition's Lily. I will walk down the aisle with you if you need me to, you won't walk alone and no one has to give you away, you can come to me on your own. I will tell you that no other woman in the world could have been a more beautiful bride and I will proudly accept you as my wife when the time comes," he promised and she fell against him, comforted by his strength in them.

"Will you be your own best man as well?" she teased and he knew she was feeling better if she could make a joke.

"No, I guess I'd better ask Sirius, after all he is my best friend," he sighed exaggeratedly.

"Is he your very best friend?"

"Well if you put it that way…"


	22. The Night Before

**A/N: **Nothing special about this chapter, just another one where they reminisced. They like to do that don't they?

**CH: 22- The Night Before**

Lily sighed as she paced her suite. This would be her last night in 'awakening,' as she and James were to move into a larger suite after their return from Scotland in a fortnight's time. She walked into her sitting room and stared lovingly at the walls. This room always had the same impact on her; it was so deeply moving that it was hard to breathe.

She wrapped her arms around herself and sat in one of the hickory rocking chairs. By tomorrow evening, she would no longer be Lily Evans; she would be Lily Potter, James's wife. She stood up again, trembling all over. Time had flown by so quickly, she couldn't even believe that just a year ago she had given herself to James heart body and soul, it seemed as though her life was on fast forward and she was only watching everything fly by her. She walked down into the ballroom; she needed to check a few things before the reception tomorrow evening. It was of course beautiful and perfect.

In the past month, aside from last minute wedding plans Lily and James had started their new jobs in the Department of Mysteries. They had been assigned to the most secret, private magical study that went on there. They worked behind the only locked door and they studied the most powerful magic of all, love.

Nathaniel had thought it was fitting research for a couple that had such magic in abundance. She had been so excited to work alongside James, to study the depth and feeling of what they themselves had. It was the most wonderful career she could have chosen. It almost seemed like it had been created just for them, their new studies just took flight so easily. She hugged herself tightly and smiled, life was good.

"The moonlight and softly falling snow make you seem even more angelic." Lily turned around to see James in the doorway of the ballroom. She ran into his arms and kissed him sweetly.

"You flatter me sir," she murmured delightedly. He pulled her to him and began to dance with her around the ballroom, listening to the music that only lovers could hear. She rested her cheek against his chest and sighed contentedly.

"Are you ready for tomorrow Lils?" he asked tenderly as he spun her around and brought her back against him.

"As ready as I will ever be," she admitted and sighed again. She felt his hand run up and down her back gently, caressingly.

"I'm nervous," he whispered and she looked up at him in shock.

"You are?" she asked. She had never known James Potter to be nervous about anything.

"I am. You see, I have waited seven years for tomorrow to come and it has always danced playfully out of my grasp. Now that is about to happen, I am worried that I won't live up to your expectation," he confided and Lily began to laugh. "Lily, this is the most serious thing I have ever done in my life and you are laughing at me!"

"I'm not laughing at you James," she said sweetly and put her hand to his cheek, "you see those are the same worries I have." He laughed with her and swung her around up in the air.

"We have nothing to worry about then do we?" he asked tenderly. She shook her head and kissed him softly.

"Nothing at all darling. Everything is going to be just fine," she told him and then she sat down on the floor and motioned him to do the same. "I think we should start another new tradition James."

"What do you have in mind sweetheart?" he asked as he wrapped her small fingers in his.

"You know that Gazebo out in the gardens?"

"You are absolutely crazy Lils!" he said after they were all set up. Lily had grabbed her most comfortable (and warm) down comforter and wrapped them both up in it as they sat on the floor of the gazebo. It was snowing outside, but it didn't matter, for Lily had used one of her favorite charms to produce a small blue fire to keep them warm. The glass doors began to fog up, but they didn't notice.

"So why are we out here?" he asked nuzzling her neck and Lily giggled girlishly.

"We are sharing memories. My mother told me about how she and my father did this, but they did it at their reception in front of hundreds of people. I want to share this between you and me. We can stay out here all night if we have enough memories to share," she explained and he grinned at her.

"Only my future wife would go outside in the snow and want to reminisce," he teased. "Okay what kind of memories do you want, my love?"

"Ours. Things that we have experienced together and we want to remember before our wedding tomorrow afternoon," she whispered and he kissed her, putting his hand to the small of her back and pushing her closer to him.

"The night you came back to me after your stay in the hospital wing," he said softly and Lily could see the happiness in his eyes. "I told you about the invisibility cloak and then you came to me and let me hold you all night. It was the first night of the rest of our lives you could say."

Flashback

_Lily woke up and looked at the clock, it was only just after eleven. She got up, walked into the living room, and smiled. James was half off the sofa with his glasses askew and her pillow clutched tightly to him. She walked over and saw that there was no room for her to sit down so she pinched his arm. His eyes fluttered opened and he saw her looking like an angel in the moonlight._

"_What are you doing here?" he whispered._

"_Scoot over, I'd like to sit down too, you know," she said and when he didn't move, she sighed and sprawled atop him, placing her head on her crossed arms over his chest. "We need to talk. I'm sorry __that I said that about you James. You didn't deserve it and I was just feeling horrible about myself, so I said the first thing that came to my mind. I know you love me," she admitted, tracing circles on his chest. He caught her chin in his hand and then forced her to look into his eyes. Before she could utter a syllable more he placed his lips firmly on hers._

"_I believe this is where we left off Halloween night," James murmured, covering her face in tiny kisses._

"_I think so. James, make me forget him, what he did to me. Please love me, even though I can't tell you the words yet," she begged. _

_In response, he caught her up in a kiss that took her breath away so she couldn't concentrate. She kissed him hungrily, for she was hungry for him and had been for a month now. Every small kiss he had given her, whether on the forehead, cheek, palm, whatever came to her memory and she kissed him for everything she had missed in a month._

"_I love you Lily."_

_His hands began to caress her back, running up and down and into her hair, behind her neck to press her lips closer to his. If he hadn't been holding her so tightly, she would have shivered from the sheer joy of being loved again. She had begun the real healing process and it was up to James to help her finish it. She broke their kiss and laid her head on his chest, both of them breathing deeply._

"_Just hold me tonight, James, it is all I ask," she whispered. He smoothed her hair down in what had become a familiar gesture and pressed a kiss to the top of her head._

"_As you wish, sweetheart," he said and he did. He held her like that the entire night, their bodies close and their hearts beating against each other, like one. _

Flashback over

"I remember walking out to the living room after our little row. You were sprawled out on the couch and wouldn't move to let me sit down, so I climbed on top of you. Then you held me all night, not saying a word, just comforting me," she whispered and then smiled up at him.

"My memory is last Christmas and the night we spent together. You gave me a gift too, you know. I thought that it would take me forever to win a place in your rankings of women. Then you told me that you had never made love to another girl before and I realized that you had been waiting for me. How you could have retained such faith when I was so horrible to you is beyond me."

Flashback

_Lily walked into the cottage an hour later, waiting for the right time when her parents would be asleep. She shrugged off the invisibility cloak and walked toward James in a short white baby doll nightgown that definitely skimpy to say the least. When he opened his mouth to speak, she pressed her fingers to his lips._

"_Don't say anything," she begged and then she took his hand and led him into her room. When they got there she turned into his arms and pressed her lips against his, urging him to respond. _

_He did and so violently, that she was rocked to the very core of her being. He picked her up and wound her legs around his hips, so that she was pressing against him. His tongue clashed with hers over and over again until they were both panting with need._

"_Are you sure about this Lily? You still have time to back out now," he whispered as he laid her on the bed, on the virginal white canopy bed. _

"_I am giving you two gifts James, don't be so callous as to refuse them," she begged as her lips again found his. Her fingers pulled at his shirt and then she pushed it over his head. In moments, they were skin-to-skin, mouth-to-mouth, hungry for each other. _

Flashback over

"You walked into the cottage in your little white nightgown. It barely covered you up and I knew what you were going to give me. I wanted to turn you away at first, to ask you whether or not you were sure, but I never got the chance. You knocked me off my feet with that first kiss," he breathed as he kissed her earlobe gently, trailing tiny kisses along the tiny frame.

"You remember all that huh?" she said huskily, her voice thick with emotion.

"All that and more princess. You took my breath away, you do every time I wake up and see you lying beside me and I know that you will be until the day I die," he said. Tears filled her eyes, but this time they were tears of joy.

"I'm yours forever James, as long as you love me and need me. Do you have any other memories?" she asked sweetly and James grinned.

"Everyday I spend with you gives me knew and better memories, but I do have one. The first day of school last year, when you told me that you were in love…" he began and Lily started laughing.

"You thought that I was in love with someone else…"

Flashback

_Lily rushed into their dorm, her face flushed and her eyes bright. James thought that she was absolutely nutters. "James!" she said excitedly and ran to sit by him on the sofa._

_"What is it Evans? Can't a man wake up in peace?" James groaned and fell back against the sofa. Lily wouldn't let him be grumpy, not today when their entire lives were about to change. It was the most marvelous day in the world!_

_"I'm so excited!" she whispered and then she hugged him tightly. He didn't complain but he was getting suspicious. Lily had never hugged him without being forced into it, something was up._

"_What's going on?" he asked point blank._

"_I'm in love James, a love so perfect and pure and wonderful that no one else in the entire world could ever feel the same way that I do. This morning I found out that the man I love, loves me in return and I couldn't wait to tell him I return his feelings," she gushed. James felt as if his insides had just disappeared. Lily was in love. It was last year all over again, yet this time, he was too late. Too late to give her the note he had written and too late to claim her for himself. Her eyes, bright with hope and overwhelming love, were proof of that. "What's wrong?" she asked softly as she noticed his pale and hurt face._

"_Nothing Evans, as long as you are happy the world is good," he said and then he walked out of the common room without another word, leaving her to wonder what she had said wrong._

Flashback over

"Later you set up the Heads' dorm and gave me that letter you wrote, the one where you said you love me too. That had to be the best letter I have ever read," he whispered and kissed her cheek gently.

"I love you James, we should do this every year on our anniversary," she said happily.

"That is a wonderful idea Lily," he agreed and they sat together for a few moments, saying nothing and watching the snow swirl around outside the gazebo.

"James do you remember my 18th birthday?" Lily asked with a slow grin sliding onto her face. James began to laugh and he kissed her joyfully.

"How could I forget? You demanded that I cater to your every whim all day long and then that night you wore me out," he said in mock complaint. She hit his arm playfully.

"It wasn't that bad!" she said gaily. James raised one eyebrow and gave her a critical look.

"I thought that you had been abducted by dark wizards and someone had taken polyjuice potion to do a very poor impression of the girl I loved," he said comically. "I don't like sausages… I wanted bacon!" he impersonated and Lily couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes, but you did enjoy that evening," she said coyly. He kissed the sensitive spot behind her ear and she trembled.

"How could I have done otherwise? It was spent with you after all," he teased and Lily sighed, pressing herself into his arms.

"We had probably better go back inside; Sirius told Frank, who told Alice, who told me that he was going to abduct you for a late night bachelor's party," Lily said and waited for his reaction.

"Did he say where?" he asked excitedly and Lily hit him in the stomach.

"Excuse me, Mr. Potter?" she asked wryly.

"Lily, you know I love you don't you?" he asked and began to lean over her until she was flat on the ground with him, pressing against her.

"Yes. No women all right? If I find out that you so much as shook the hand of another woman you're toast."

James sighed. "Yes dear."


	23. Hearts Joined

**A/N: **This is probably my very favorite chapter. I wrote this at about 3 am a few days before Christmas three years ago. I can't believe it's been that long now, but I am happy that I've had this chance to revise the story a bit and make it better. I'll also admit a little secret to you... when I wrote the wedding vows, I cried my heart out.

**CH: 23- Hearts Joined**

"I can't believe that you are really going to do this," Sirius muttered as he fixed his robes. They were a dark gray, a little somber for the occasion but they matched his eyes and they looked right on him somehow. Lily had begged him to wear something lighter and more suited for the occasion but he had seemed to think that they were perfect, his best friend was dying after all. Lily had rolled her eyes but she placed the order for him, now James was glad she did. The robes looked good on him.

"Our illustrious leader has finally grown up," Remus said with a grin and patted James on the back. James couldn't speak, he was too nervous, but his grinning face said it all.

"Is Jennifer here?" Peter asked. Remus blushed a bit but he smiled.

"Yes, she decided to spend Christmas with my family and I," he admitted, "Lily decided at the last minute to have Jennifer be a bridesmaid because she only had Alice as her Matron of Honor. I'm just glad mum and dad gave her those dress robes as an early Christmas gift. " James looked sad at the reminder that Lily's best friend had disappeared, but straightened up when he saw his father enter the room.

"Yes dad?" he asked quietly. Nathaniel walked over to his son and smiling widely placed his hand on James's shoulder.

"James, it's time."

Lily was pacing her suite again, Alice and Jennifer fussing over her and Kylie rushing in and out trying to keep everything orderly. She felt as though there were dragons in her stomach, eating at her... no butterflies had ever been quite this violent before.

"Oh Lily, I wish Erin could have been here to see you today. You are the most beautiful bride," Alice said as she touched Lily's robes lightly. Lily smiled at Alice and Jennifer, they were now her only female friends and she was grateful for both of them.

"Yes, well if she decided to run off with Regulus… it was her choice," she said putting on a false smile. All three women grinned madly at her and Lily felt herself begin to laugh. She couldn't stay sad for long; after all it was her wedding day.

"Has Remus spent a lot of time with you then Jennifer?" Lily asked as she ran her fingers through the mass of curls pinned up behind her ears.

"He meets me at Hogsmeade once a month and he visits me often. Last time he brought a dozen pink tulips because he knows they are my favorite flower," she blushed deeply as she mentioned it. Lily wondered whether he had told her his deepest secret.

"So things are good then between you?" Alice said casually. Jennifer grinned brightly and hugged herself.

"They are better than good, he told me he loved me this morning," she admitted and Lily hugged her young friend tightly.

"That's wonderful Jen!" she said, genuinely excited. The door opened and Kylie motioned to them.

"It's time girls."

Lily thought she couldn't get any more nervous, but when she saw James in his wedding robes her dragons began to breathe fire. He looked so handsome and she could see the love radiating from his eyes. She knew in that moment that she was making the right decision and her dragons seemed to float away.

"Ready?" James mouthed as he took her hand.

"No."

"Me either," he replied and she laughed as she linked her hand around James's elbow and began the descent to the altar where the priest would announce them legally wed.

"We gather here today to witness the joining of two hearts, those of Lily Janet Evans and James Brian Potter. These two young people have a love that is pure and good, which spills over onto all who meet them. It is a privilege to be here to see it. Love is a commitment that binds together such people as James and Lily and makes them better because they are half of each other. Instead of the traditional vows, our couple here has decided to write their own vows to express how they feel for each other," with this, the priest motioned to James to begin his vows.

"My sweet Lily, for years I have dreamed of this day and the way that you would look at me with love in your eyes as you took me as your husband. None of my dreams could compare to the reality of it. You've been the only girl I ever loved and the only woman I will ever love. I will never give you a reason to doubt my love for you, and every day I will strive to prove it again and again as my love continues to grow. Many times I would have given you up if I believed that you would have been happier with someone else, but now that you are standing beside me I am not about to let you go. You once told me that your heart was mine as long as I need it. I will need it forever Lily, I have said it before and will say it now, I am selfish and I'm keeping that most precious gift you have given me. Throughout my life I pledge myself to you, and I thee do wed, with my whole heart. I love you Lily," James recited and took her hand in his, squeezing it gently.

"My own dear James, for years I avoided you because I believed you would hurt me, and I'm not a woman built to be loved and tossed aside. You were with me in my greatest time of need and your love never faltered, not even for a moment. I know I don't deserve you, but I too am selfish and will not let you go…" she stopped for a moment and took a deep breath as tears began to fill her eyes, "This is so strange for me, because all these years I have told myself I hated you. But that isn't true, I have never hated you but in fact I have loved you… I love you James, completely and forever. I don't know how it happened or when, but it did and you know what? I'm glad… This is my heart James, take it or leave it, for it is yours and will be forever. For as long as you need it and far beyond. I pledge myself to you James Potter, and I thee do wed with all my heart. I love you James," She finished and had to look away from him for the tears were falling freely down her cheeks. She could tell James recognized the second half of her speech for he squeezed her hand tightly.

"Who has the rings?" The priest asked and Sirius raised his hand and brought two velvet cases out of his robes pocket. "The wedding ring is a circle; it represents the eternal love that you share. You may exchange the rings."

"With this ring I pledge my love," James whispered in her ear as he slipped a small white gold band on her finger. It fit perfectly against her engagement ring.

"With this ring I pledge my soul," Lily replied and slipped a thick gold band on his finger.

"I now declare you bonded for life, you may kiss the bride."

James crushed Lily against him as he sealed their wedding vows. Their lips met joyfully and their arms encircled one another, holding each other tightly. Only then did Lily realize that she hadn't been the only one crying, James's lips were salty with his own tears of joy.

"I love you Mrs. Potter," he whispered in her ear.

"I love you back Mr. Potter," she said happily and they kissed again.

The wedding party moved from the front parlor to the ballroom where the reception was to be held. There were tables set up for the few guests they had, and a small area where James and Lily were to sit before everyone else. Because Lily had wanted an outdoor wedding, Kylie had done her best to bring the outdoors in. The room was filled with flowers of all kinds, and the usual wedding decorations.

The clinking of glasses began as they were all seated and James grinned at his new wife.

"They want to see us kiss Lily," he whispered and she smiled.

"Then let's give them something to see," she whispered and pulled his head down to hers and gave him a hungry, passionate kiss that left them both red in the face and breathing hard. Cheers erupted in the room and Nathaniel stood up with his glass and clinked loudly.

"As the father of the groom I have to give my traditional speech, since the father of the bride, may he rest in peace, is not here to do so," Nathaniel called and the room went silent. "My son, as you who know him have realized, has loved Lily since the first time he laid eyes on her and I can see why. She is pure, honest, sweet, good natured, usually," everyone laughed and Lily blushed, "but she is also his soul mate, the one woman who was meant for him. I'm glad that she realized her feelings for him sooner rather than later. My son and daughter-in-law, I wish you every happiness in the world, may you always love and protect each other in times of great sorrow as well as happiness," he sat down then and his speech was met by more clinking glasses.

"That was beautiful," Lily whispered after the cheering died down. James squeezed her hand and then Sirius stood up. James held his breath as his best friend clinked his glass with his fork.

"I also have a speech to make and as the best man I am entitled to say virtually anything I want," he started and everyone laughed except James who groaned. "All of you, who know James and me, know that we are brothers, and I mean that in the most literal way possible. No one else could have gone through the stuff we have together and remained as close. He is my best friend; I have never known anyone who made me feel as welcome or comfortable in their presence. Unfortunately, I don't have the prior claim to him. I didn't meet him until after he saw Lily for the first time. By then she had his heart and no matter what I did Lily was always on his mind. I will admit that I felt jealous and disgusted that he could fall in love so easily and deeply when I only had meaningless flings. Lily is the best thing that could have happened to him though, she caused him to grow up and mature into the wonderful person he is now. I myself have lost the only girl who ever made me feel as if I should be better than I am," he stopped again and took a deep breath before continuing.

"James has a great deal of love to give and Lily has earned that love. May they always have joy, happiness and love in their marriage and if I'm lucky they may make me an uncle someday," he finished and raised his glass for a toast.

James couldn't speak, that toast was so uncharacteristic for Sirius. Lily put her hand on his sleeve and James turned to her. She was crying softly and as he touched his cheeks, he knew he had cried as well.

The band began to play then, a slow love song. "This one is for the new bride and groom," the singer said and James pulled a laughing Lily out onto the dance floor.

"_Look into my eyes - you will see _

_What you mean to me _

_Search your heart - search your soul _

_And when you find me there you'll search no more _

_Don't tell me it's not worth trying for _

_You can't tell me it's not worth dying for _

_You know it's true _

_Everything I do - I do it for you _

_Look into your heart - you will find _

_There's nothing there to hide _

_Take me as I am - take my life _

_I would give it all - I would sacrifice _

_There's no love - like your love _

_And no other - could give more love _

_There's nowhere - unless you're there _

_All the time - all the way."_

The song rang in Lily's ears, as James sang them softly to her. "Everything I do, I do it for you," he breathed and Lily hugged him closer, laying her cheek against his chest. When the song ended, he put her into a dip and kissed her sweetly, arousing cheers from their guests. Albus Dumbledore tapped James on the shoulder and cut in then.

"Time for the father-daughter dance," he reminded James cheerfully and James courteously stepped away from his wife.

"You don't have to do this Albus," Lily said softly.

"Oh, but I do my dear. You see that day in my office you told me that I might as well be your father now, and I'm just seeing to my duties. I had hoped you would ask me to give you away and walk you down the aisle, but seeing you and James create your own traditions was worth my loss of pride," he said kindly and kissed Lily's forehead.

"You are like a father to me Albus, I would be honored if you would be our first child's Godfather," Lily asked laying a hand to his cheek.

"I would be honored Lily except, I think that honor should go to Sirius, he would be the child's uncle after all," Albus said with a twinkle in his eyes. Lily laughed happily as she danced in the old man's arms. He really was a charming dancer for being such and elderly man.

"My turn Albus; I need my wife in my arms again," James said smoothly and pulled Lily into his arms yet again. Albus bowed out graciously and went back to his seat by Minerva McGonagall.

"Have you enjoyed your wedding party Lily?" James asked tenderly as he ran his fingers through her curls.

"Of course I am James. How could I not enjoy it when I am now your wife?" she replied and wasn't shocked when his lips met hers again.

"When I told you that it was forever Lily, I meant it," he whispered. Lily smiled up at her new husband and threaded her fingers through his.

"I know James, and you were right. This is meant to last forever."

The remainder of the wedding party was fantastic but the newlyweds couldn't wait until it was over and they could go up to their new suite and spend their first night together as man and wife. They made love over and over that night, each time believing that it was better than the time before it.

"I love you James Potter," Lily said in the early morning before she finally fell asleep.

"I love you too Lily Potter," James mumbled and fell asleep next to her, stroking her back.


	24. Morning Sickness

**A/N: **Yes, I know, it's a short chapter. I'm sorry. I guess I just didn't have much inspiration for this one. Only one chapter left to go! Oh, and by the way (just so I don't get flames) I know Harry is born on the 31st of July... I'm planning for him to be a preemie, which is one of the reasons he is so small.

**CH: 24- Morning Sickness**

It was three months after the wedding and Lily woke up suddenly. Before she was fully awake she rolled away from James and was sick all over their beautiful Persian carpet. She threw up until she was sweating and shaking, clinging to James's hand for comfort.

"Lily, sweetheart, are you okay?" he asked her as she collapsed on his chest afterward. He felt her head, no fever, what could it be? "Lily, look at me," he whispered. She dragged her eyes to his and then managed a weak smile.

"I'm alright James, just bring me a wash cloth and go get your mother. I'll get Frisk to clean this up," Lily said weakly.

"Are you sure it is nothing? You look horrible," he told her. Lily grimaced and then laughed softly.

"Thank you dear, I feel so much better now. I'd rather look wonderful and feel horrible," she teased. James pressed a kiss to her forehead before getting the wash cloth for her. She cleaned herself up a little and then turned to James.

"Go get Kylie," she whispered, her face turning a gray ashy color. "I think I'm going to be sick again."

James rushed down to the south wing and flung open the door. His mother was finishing up the final alterations of Lily's new dress robes.

"Come quick Mum, Lily is sick," James said breathing hard.

She followed him with no questions asked to the north wing. When they walked in they saw Frisk cleaning up the mess with a wave of his hands and Lily lying on the bed clutching a pillow to her stomach.

"Lily sweetheart, I brought Mum here, she wants to take a look at you to decide what is wrong," James said kneeling beside the sofa and brushing her hair away from her eyes.

"Yes Lily, let me take a look at you," she said and pushed James out of the way. She pulled out her wand and mumbled a few words; a box with several potions in it appeared on the ground beside her. James watched as she mixed potions into a cup and held it to Lily's lips. Lily sipped it with an odd look on her face and Kylie gave James a grim sort of smile.

"It is a potion that will make what her illness is apparent to me. I need to ask you a few questions dear for this to work," she said and positioned herself comfortably beside Lily. "First of all dear do you want James to leave the room, some of these will be quite private."

"No, he can stay, unless they make him uncomfortable. He is my husband now Mum," Lily said in a strained voice.

"You're right Lily. Alright now, have you been sick a lot lately or is this the first time?" she asked.

"This is the first time I have thrown up in several years Kylie," Lily replied, trying to look like she wasn't sick to her stomach. James reached for her hand instinctively and Lily grasped hold of it tightly, gaining comfort from his small gesture.

"Lily, have you missed a monthly dear?" Lily blushed and looked at James who was quirking an eyebrow.

"You don't think she is…" James began excitedly but Kylie held up a hand to silence him.

"Yes," Lily admitted.

Kylie looked like she was expecting that answer and she sighed before muttering a spell. The air around Lily turned a deep purple, almost like an aura. "Lily, how long ago was your monthly supposed to arrive dear?"

"I don't think I've had one since just before the wedding, but Kylie I'm not… I can't possibly be… it's just stress, right?" Lily said frantically.

"Isn't it exciting Lily? You and my son are going to have a baby!" Kylie said and hugged Lily tightly.

"I don't know if I'm ready yet Kylie… I might not make a very good mother," Lily insisted as if Kylie could make it not happen.

"Lily, don't you want children?" James asked worriedly.

"Yes, but not so soon, I wanted to wait a few years before we had children and now we have been married for just over three months and I'm already pregnant," she cried. James began to laugh and he kissed her face.

"We'll get through it darling, don't worry," he said to her and then turned to his mother. "Mum, can you tell us anything else? How long has she been pregnant, what gender is the baby, those kinds of things," James asked excitedly. Kylie nodded and then began to mix another potion.

"This potion will cancel the affects of the other potion so that her body is free form outside pollutants," Kylie explained as she had Lily drink the new mixture.

She pulled out her wand then and muttered a few words over Lily's stomach, the wand floated in the air and spun around three times and then it went onto its tip. Kylie nodded and then muttered a counter charm. "Lily is three months along and it's going to be a boy," she said and James shouted excitedly.

"Hear that Lils? In six months time we are going to have a baby boy!"

"Yes James, being pregnant has not impaired my ability to hear," she teased and James kissed her softly. Kylie left the room then, deciding to give the young couple a chance to adjust to the news.

"A baby," he said again as if he couldn't believe it. "We have to be a little more careful now, the nighttime pillow fights will have to stop," he joked and Lily grabbed the pillow from behind her head and hit him.

"Pillow fights, is that what we are calling it now? I thought you liked to call it making..." she began but James put his hand over her mouth to stifle what she was going to say, just in case his mother was still standing outside. Lily's eyes grew serious and she pulled away from him a bit. "I'm so nervous James, what if I am not a good mother," Lily asked worriedly and he kissed her forehead gently.

"Don't worry sweetheart, everything will be fine. You'll see," he promised and kissed her again.

"I know I shouldn't worry because you are going to be the very best father in the world," Lily said enthusiastically.

"Thank you darling. Are we still going to name him Harry James Potter then?' he asked sweetly and fluffed her pillow for her, once he had retrieved it form the ground.

"I think it is a lovely name James. I hope he looks just like you," she muttered as her eye lids grew heavy.

"Yes, but I hope he doesn't act like me," he teased gently and Lily managed a smile before she fell asleep. James rushed right over to the large desk in the sitting room and began to compose a letter to Sirius.

_Padfoot my friend,_

_Lily and I have just received wonderful news, she is going to have a baby and in six months no less. That puts the due date near the end of September; I hope you can come out for the christening. We decided to name you Godfather of our first child and here is our chance. His name is going to be Harry James Potter, Lily wanted to name him after me and I didn't think Prongs was an appropriate name for our first child. _

_Oh I wish you were here Sirius, I need so much to have you to confide in and share all this over a bottle of butterbeer (or better yet a glass of fire whiskey). Hope all is well with you wherever you are. Don't let your world travels keep you away too long, we miss you at the manor._

_Your partner in crime,_

_Prongs _

James read this letter over again and decided that it was presentable. He took it to Merlin who was sleeping in his little roost.

"Merlin my friend, I need you to take this letter to Padfoot on the double," he said and stroked Merlin's feathers as he tied it to his leg. Merlin gave him a happy chirp and flew out the window and to the west. James watched him fly away and hoped that he would get a reply soon.

"Lily my love, things are going to be so wonderful for us and little Harry, I promise," he whispered as he climbed into bed beside her and fell asleep just as the sun was rising.

Two weeks went by without a reply from his best friend and James was about to give up when Merlin finally returned. James gave his owl some bacon and he read the letter written in Sirius's untidy scrawl.

_Prongs my boy,_

_Expecting a baby so soon? Got her on the first try huh? I knew you wouldn't disappoint me. I'll be back at Potter Manor by the end of June and I'm planning to stay until after next Christmas if that isn't a problem with Lily or Kylie. I'm honored that you would name me Godfather to Harry; it is something that I will treasure forever. _

_It will be the first time I take a commitment seriously, I promise you. Tell Lily to keep off her feet as much as possible and to make your life hell for me, since I am not there to do it. Merlin sure looks well, hope you are feeling the same after learning that you are about to become a father._

_Marauders Forever,_

_Padfoot _

James re-read the letter from his best friend and sighed with relief. Sirius was coming home.


	25. Changes

**A/N: **It's done, this is the final chapter of Too Far Gone. Hopefully you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it (and revising it). For those who have read it before, I added the wonderful "I hate you" scene that all women go through when they have children. I omitted it before, but decided to put it in. It's a fun way to start the chapter and end my story. :) Thanks to everyone who read!

**CH: 25- Changes**

"I hate you, James Potter!"

Those were the first words Sirius heard as he woke up on the morning of July 31st. He yawned and stretched, assuming that James and Lily were having yet another row. Lily's pregnancy was getting hard on her, and she was taking it out on her husband. Sirius chuckled as he crawled out of bed. Better James then him, he thought as he pulled on his robe and walked down the hall to Lily and James' suite.

He heard Lily's screams and immediately crashed through the door, belatedly realizing that Lily wasn't fighting with her husband, she was in labor. "Dammit to hell, Sirius. What do you think you are doing?" James asked. He was standing beside the bed, attempting to hold his wife's hand but she kept reaching out to hit him. He was dodging her fists while still trying to comfort her.

"She is two months early! How was I supposed to know she was in labor?" Sirius demanded angrily, gesturing to the screaming, sweating woman in the bed.

"If you want to help go and get my mother, she will know what to do," James shouted so he could be heard over Lily's wails.

"He doesn't have to come and find me, I'm already here," Kylie said as she stepped through the door and pushed Sirius aside. "No offense Lily, but I could hear your screams all the way in our wing of the manor."

Kylie pushed her way to Lily's bedside and put her hands on her daughter-in-law's stomach. "Kylie, I'm dying," Lily whispered tearfully.

"You aren't dying, you are going to have a baby. Just by the feel of it I can tell little Harry is ready to meet the world," Kylie turned to her son and his best friend, "If you two want to help I need towels and hot water."

James and Sirius raced to the door and fought their way out, both trying to be helpful, but like all men just getting in the way during a birth. "Mum, I need him..." Lily said and pointed after her husband.

Kylie shook her head and began to plump Lily's pillows. "Trust me dear, it might seem like you want him here, but he would just get in the way. I know it's handy to have someone to yell at, and I promise that he will be back after he runs around for a bit and get the baby adrenaline out of his system. Now what we need to do for you is see how close your contractions are together."

Twenty minutes later James and Sirius ran back into the room, both of their arms laden with towels and two steaming bowls of hot water. "We brought you what you need," James said with a bright smile on his face but when he saw Lily's look of pain he dropped what he was carrying and rushed to her side. "Sweetheart, are you okay?"

"No I'm not okay! Look at me! You did this to me you bastard!" she screamed and lunged at him again. This time he didn't back away fast enough and she caught him hard on his right shoulder. "I hate you! I want you to get down here and do this... you did this to me!"

"Sweetheart, don't say that, I love you!" James said anxiously, reaching for her hand again but his mother interceded.

"You might want to wait in the next room, James. I know you love your wife and it's difficult for you to see her in pain. Just go, I can take care of her," Kylie said kindly and steered her son out of the room.

Lily began to cry, "I didn't mean that, I love James! James, come back, I need you!"

James jumped around his mother and took his wife's hand in his. "I know you love me, just hold onto me okay? You can clench my hand as hard as you need to through the pain." He was as good as his word, he resisted all attempts at getting him out of the room and he bore Lily's screams when she was in her fits of agony. Three hours later (through even more screams and a fainting fit on Sirius's behalf) Harry James Potter was born.

Lily smiled down at her son; he was so tiny and so beautiful. She said as much to Kylie when she brought Harry back after cleaning him up.

"He is two months premature Lily, he is supposed to be small," Kylie said with a grin and kissed her grandson's hair. "He already looks so much like James."

"Yes, but he has his mothers eyes," James said tenderly as he leaned down to kiss his wife. He was absolutely correct, Kylie realized as Harry opened his eyes slowly. They were the exact shade of Lily's emerald eyes.

"Thank you so much for giving me a son Lily," James said softly and kissed her again. Lily eagerly leaned up to receive his kiss and Sirius sighed. After all she had put them through, all the screaming and wailing and threats, the bruises his friend now carried on his right shoulder, James was still smiling at his wife as though nothing had happened. Sirius smiled down at his Godson and winked.

"I just hope you don't cry as much as she does," Sirius teased and Lily pinched him playfully on the arm.

"I hope he doesn't faint at the slightest provocation like his Godfather does," Lily teased back.

"I love Lily's eyes when they shine with tears," James said and leaned down to kiss his wife again.

"I need to rescue my Godson from all this snogging," he said and gently pulled Harry out of Lily's arms. "Stick with me Harry, we'll go far kid," Lily heard as Sirius walked out of the door with his Godson cradled tenderly in his arms.

"We made the right choice," she said with a sigh of happiness. James looked down at her.

"What decision was that Lils?" James asked as he sat on the side of their bed. Lily looked surprised for a moment.

"The decision to make Sirius Harry's Godfather of course."

"Yes, I'm glad Dumbledore refused. You can tell how much Sirius loves Harry, he will be so good to him," James admitted. Kylie left the room slowly, not wanting to draw attention to herself while her son and his wife were having a special moment together.

"I love you so much James, I can't believe I almost ruined what we have. I can't imagine a life without you," she whispered gently and James brushed her lips with a kiss.

"I knew that we would be together Lily, you just needed time to fall in love with me," he teased and Lily pulled on his ear softly.

"What if I hadn't though James, would you have married another girl?" she asked.

"No." She looked relieved but then he kissed her quickly and told her, "I would have married a woman." He was rewarded with a smack in the face with Lily's feather pillow.

As the Potters began their new lives with Harry things seemed to be perfect. They began to work at the ministry less often, but they still loved their job. Nothing could have prepared them for the blow that came shortly after Harry's first birthday.

There was a knock at their door early in the morning on the first of September. It was an urgent knocking, almost frantic, and Lily ran down the stairs to open it.

"Albus," Lily exclaimed happily when the door was opened. If she had expected his usual wide grin, she wasn't receiving it; instead he was looking pale and worried.

"Close the door tightly," he ordered and rushed inside, leaving Lily to double bolt the door.

"What's wrong Albus?" Lily asked in a worried voice and she looked into Albus's eyes to read something, anything, but they were cold and empty. "Albus?" she asked softly.

"Get James and meet me in the parlor, we have some urgent things to discuss."

Lily didn't hesitate in going upstairs to wake James up. "Darling," she whispered sweetly and James's eyes fluttered open. A slow grin crept onto his face and he reached for her, obviously to pull her down and back to bed. "No James. Dumbledore is here, something has happened."

Instantly he was awake and he grabbed for his glasses on the bedside table. "What is it?" Lily shrugged, but he could tell from her eyes that whatever had happened, Dumbledore had scared her enough to make her worry. They rushed downstairs, hand-in-hand, into the parlor but they stopped dead when the entered. Dumbledore, who neither of them had ever seen upset, was crying.

"Albus?" James asked as they sat down on the small chintz sofa. He glanced up at them and sighed through his tears.

"I have some bad new for you I'm afraid," He whispered hoarsely. Lily felt tears come into her own eyes and suddenly she knew without a doubt what had happened.

James watched his wife sink to the floor in silent agony, her shoulders heaving with sobs. He got to the floor beside her and wrapped his arms around her. "Lily?"

"Oh James, they can't be dead," she cried pitifully.

"Who is dead?" James asked in a worried voice and then he turned to the headmaster and demanded, "Who is dead?"

Dumbledore sighed again, removed his glasses and began rubbing the tears out of his eyes; he made no pretense of dignity at all. "Voldemort's death eaters struck last night..."

"What in the hell are you talking about?" James demanded, Lily still sobbing in his arms.

"Your parents were murdered by Lord Voldemort James. I'm so sorry…"

"Are you ready Lily?" James asked softly from behind her. Lily was taking her very last look at "Awakening" before leaving forever. She felt a tear roll down her cheek but she paid no attention to it. Since last week when Dumbledore informed them of Kylie and Nathaniel's death Lily hadn't been able to turn off the well of her tears, they seemed to spring up from inside of her. Dumbledore had also told them that they had to go into hiding, for the Dark Lord was after Harry. He told them that Frank and Alice were also going into hiding with their son Neville who was born the day before Harry was. Apparently the prophecy that was made two years before had meant the Longbottom's as well. It was hard to take in.

James understood what his wife was feeling, everyone she loved in the world was being taken from her, first her parents, then James's parents and now her last real friend was being forced into hiding as well. He kissed her cheek softly and she shivered a bit and the turned to look at him.

"Will we ever come back here James? I have such a bad feeling about leaving," she admitted. James looked around the room and then down at his wife, whose eyes were filled with fright and worry.

"I don't know Lily, I wish I did," he wrapped her in a hug then, her face pressing into his shoulder.

"Sirius should be ready in a few minutes, and then we can perform the Fidelius charm. Everything will be alright Lily, Sirius would never betray us," James said confidently and Lily kissed him hard. They heard Sirius clearing his throat behind them.

"I have something I need to tell you," he said softly and James looked hard at his friend.

"I'm not going to like this am I?" James asked in a tired voice. Sirius tried to put on a smile but he failed miserably.

"I have been thinking James and Peter is right…" he broke off as a tear formed in his eyes.

"Peter is right about what?" James asked with worry etched onto his face.

"Peter came to see me last night, he told me that Voldemort would come to me first, knowing that I am your best friend and would be your secret-keeper. He thinks that if you let him be secret-keeper Voldemort would never think about him. He is your best bet to survival James," he finished lamely, staring at the floor.

"Do you really think that we will be safer this way Sirius?" James asked incredulously. Sirius sighed and nodded his head.

"You have to understand James. You are my best friend, and Voldemort knows it. He will come after me and after he kills me there is no one left that knows where you are. I am doing this for your sake James," he said softly and James felt tears prickling his eyes.

"All right Padfoot, if you think this is best…"

Lily lie in bed that night and stared at the ceiling dejectedly. It was her first night in Godric's Hollow and she was trying to make the best of it, but this place wasn't home to her. She rolled into James's embrace and pressed a kiss to his neck.

"Something on your mind sweetheart?" he asked and rolled over to face her. Lily's eyes were swimming with tears, and she hid her face from him. "Oh Lils," he whispered and held her tightly.

"At least we have Harry," Lily said dolefully and wiped her eyes. James smiled softly at her; his wife could always look at the bright side of things. "Everything will be okay for us, won't it James?"

"Lily, I can't promise that everything will be okay, but I can promise that I will love you until I die," he said and ran his fingers through the titian hair he loved so much.

"That is a wonderful promise," she said quietly and then she leaned in to kiss him. It was meant to alleviate her fears, but instead it left them both wanting more. As James rolled her onto her back and stared into her vivid eyes, he smiled.

"I love you Lily."

"I love you James."


End file.
