Last Ship 1. Chapter 1

A/N: Yes I know, I am a hopeless. Posting another new story when I already have two on the go (Truth is I have about ten seriously on the go). But this is a system that works for me. I don't focus on just one thing very well for very long. Switching between multiple stories at once might seem complicated and unnecessary but it is actually easier for me. When I get stuck on one, I just move on to another…no struggling to push though a roadblock needless…when I come back to the first one again, I'm usually all set to continue easily. Plus I have far too many ideas in my head, than could be expended on just one story, so it works in that way too. And is anyone here really going to complain about _more_ last ship fics being written? ;-D

Disclaimer: I don't own Last Ship.

LSLSLSLS

"Am I going to have to threaten to throw your work overboard again?"

Rachel met his gaze with a less than uncomprehending one of her own, yet as expected, continued her protestations to his clear accusation. Even as they both knew he was very much on to her.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, Captain."

"That's bullshit!" He saw her flinch at his raised voice, a tone he had not used on her since the day the Russians had first attacked. Since he had first learnt the truth about her presence on his ship…and she had _not_ flinched then, quite the opposite.

Taking note of the extremely uncharacteristic reaction, he willed his anger down in an effort to proceed more gently with her, but the hard edge was still present on his _slightly_ softer-spoken words when he continued.

"Something else happened in Baltimore, Rachel. After we were separated. I know it and you now it. Something as bad _or_ _worse_ than Granderson's extermination camp, and as much as I am struggling to think how that is_ even possible_ or what on earth it could be, it was written all over yours and Alisha's faces when we got you out of that compound. Now I want…No… I _need_ to know what you are both actively keeping from me. What happened to 'I know I kept secrets from you before, but I will always be straight with you now'?"

There was a long pause as it looked like she was actually considering his appeal, though her decision coming down on the contrary side of his preference apparently.

"I'm sorry, Captain…_I can't_."

She still refused to give him so much as the barest semblance of what he was sure were some very pertinent facts.

Rachel noticed he had taken to calling his subordinate lieutenant, Alisha, instead of Granderson. She could understand why, as that moniker was now the name of two significant but _distinctively different_ entities in all this. You really wouldn't want to confuse one with the other.

Tom did notice that at least she seemed to be admitting that the two of them _were_ hiding something, which he supposed was progress.

"It's not my secret to tell...at least not mine alone. Alisha is the one with the most, both personally and emotionally, at stake here. It was her mother who…" She stopped dead in her tracks then, snapping her mouth shut, realizing what she had been about to give away…what confidence she had been about to break… No, she couldn't. She had made a promise to a very desperate young woman to keep her silence, and because of that promise she needed to do just that.

For herself, she was more torn. Part of her was right there with Alisha, and wanted the events of Baltimore to remain hidden from the light of day forever, didn't want people to know…to look at her differently.

Another part of her wanted the Captain to know what they had gone through…what _she_ had gone through… Maybe he would understand, hold her, tell her it was all ok, make everything better. Maybe he could make all the pain go away.

Or maybe not…

She had to remember that she was not the only one in pain right now...and his _had to be_ far worse…. He had come back without his wife. He had lost her…for good, and Rachel knew she bared no small amount of responsibility in that. Aside from any promises made, any personal preference on her part, she genuinely did not want to contribute to making this terrible time any more difficult for him…and she knew that was most assuredly what her words would do.

"It was her mother who _what_?" He tried again.

Rachel's only answer was to close her jaw even more firmly, lower her head and weakly shake it to indicate the negative.

Tom, still angry and still trying to reel in his tumultuous and numerous contemplations…. took a mental step back to study the woman before him more closely.

He didn't like what he saw.

Battered and bruised, her every small movement ginger and careful. Though he was assured all her injuries were superficial... Looking at her now he hoped he could trust that assurance. Some of her injuries he knew had been sustained after their hasty reunion, sustained between getting out of that stronghold in Baltimore and getting back on the ship…_and getting the ship itself, back_.

But most…most he knew had been present before, the massive darkening bruise that seemed to cover the entire left side of her face. Her beautiful lips…split in several places… And he could have sworn he had seen the beginning's of numerous bruises running down the lengths of both arms…but they were covered now…and hugging her body.

Completing his visual inventory of her small battered form, he decided it was most decidedly her eyes that were giving him the most worrisome pause. The few times she did let them drift towards his, she quickly lowered them again when they met with his intense stare.

Everything about that reaction was _wrong_…the woman before him didn't cower or submit before anyone… _much less him_. She was strong, independent, confident…everything he did not see in her right now. Now she looked weak, broken…lost.

Something bad had happened in Baltimore, aside from the evils he had discovered for himself. He knew she had learned on her own what Olympia really was. She had freely explained how she had discovered their atrocities, confronted Granderson, received the super villain explanation and then been imprisoned when she had refused to continue to work for them. It was clear to him, that however distressing those discoveries and the proceeding conflicts were, they were not the main cause of her current torment... Something that happened afterwards was. And the fact that she wouldn't tell him what _it _was, only made his speculative thoughts all the more horrific in nature.

She really wasn't doing him any favors by keeping this to herself. He was quite sure that his mind was running away on its own, in all the more dire directions, _because_ of the lack of actual information it had available to it.

Well, he _hoped_ his mind was running away with him…but he wasn't convinced it was.

He briefly considered questioning Alisha again, but just as quickly dismissed the idea. If Rachel was uncharacteristically emotionally fragile…his Lieutenant was a complete emotional wreck. During their short little tête-à-tête, she had steadfastly refused, just like Rachel, to provide him with the barest facts behind their mutual torment, all the while trying…and failing…to keep from weeping uncontrollably in his presence. He had seen enough to clearly know that the one thing Rachel that had confessed too was correct… Alisha had caught the brunt of whatever _it_ was…at least emotionally, and as it was clear her Mother was somehow involved in whatever had been done to them, he could well understand how that could happen.

Her injuries…while also only superficial and non-life threatening…were still quite numerous in number, and meant she was on stand down from active duty for the time being. Something he was grateful for actually…not the fact that she was injured of course…but the fact the he had an easy excuse for her to be off active duty. He didn't want to have to stand her down due to her emotional state…but if things carried on and her physical injuries healed before her emotional ones, he would simply have no other choice. The woman was a complete mess right now…and without the knowledge of what had made her like that…he felt absolutely powerless to help.

Becoming more aware with every moment, how newly fragile the woman before he really was, he decided to change tact, try and let go of his anger as much as he could. It wasn't like a single shred of it was actually caused by Rachel and her secret anyway…so he should not direct it at her. He was frustrated with her and her refusal to talk, yes, put not remotely angry.

No, his anger was almost completely directed at people back from whence they came…Baltimore, and a fair portion, at himself as well, for trusting those people to start with. He should have seen that something was very wrong, but he hadn't, and people had suffered for his misguided trust and hope. Somehow, looking at Rachel now, he just knew he was going to be a whole lot angrier with those people before this was really and truly over.

"Rachel…please, I want to help you…I hate seeing you like this."

Again she seemed to consider his words, for a moment she even seemed torn on how to reply to him…but not for long. Once again, he watched as she visibly stamped down on her indecision…this time a tear and a sob escaped as she spoke.

"I'm sorry…I just _can't_." Another sob followed…and another. Multiple tears stains now scattered over her red tinged cheeks.

He had made her cry. A woman he hadn't been certain even knew how, and he had made her cry right in front of him. That wasn't actually fair, he knew well that she felt and cared deeply, and tears were probably not something foreign to her at all after recent and semi recent events…

But everything about the woman he knew, told him she would usually rather chew off her own arm than let herself be seen in such a weak and vulnerable state..._by anyone_… He wished he could believe she trusted him enough to think that he might be an exception to that rule…but he very much suspected that he wasn't. She was just so overwrought right now that she couldn't hold it in any longer, despite his unwanted presence.

He felt like the biggest bastard on earth for pushing her to this. He had continued to pursue her about this with the aim of helping her…and what had he achieved? The exact opposite.

"No, Rachel…I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to upset you like this. It was not my intention…_at all._ Believe me, please… Forgive me, please..." With his words he moved a few small steps forward, bringing him much closer to her slightly broken form, where she was practically pressed against the steel bulkhead. He stopped at a still respectful distance, he didn't actually want to, but he suspected caution was the best way to handle the invading of her personal space right now.

He watched her use the sleeve of her oversized wooly jumper to dry her face and eyes as much as she could. She appeared to be trying to pull herself together with great effort, to cease her show of weakness as fast as possible.

"No…Tom, there is nothing to forgive _you_ for. _I_ am the one who should be apologizing…God…you have just lost your wife and here I am playing the victim…"

He didn't think she was doing any such thing…seemed more like she was relentlessly trying to do the opposite, actually.

"Oh god, I feel like such an insensitive cad, here I am barely holding it together, and here you are with a whole lot more reason to be falling to absolute pieces, and you are totally keeping it together…how?"

"I loved my wife, Rachel…"

"Oh God! _Oh God!_ No! No, I did not mean to suggest that you didn't! Of course you did! No! When I said that you were holding it together well, I wasn't insinuating the you didn't love her enough, oh god… I would _never_…I mean, you have to believe… Oh god, I am saying everything wrong…"

As he watched even more tears threaten to fall, Tom made the quick decision to do away with the previous invisible barrier that he had been the one to erect between them. With a single stride forward, he reached out for her, his large hands coming to rest softly, and he hoped comfortingly, on her small shoulders…he was careful to be mindful of her injuries, even in this heated emotional encounter of theirs.

"Rachel! Rachel, stop! I wasn't chastising you. If you would let me finish, I was saying that I loved Darien…deeply, but in many ways it feels like I lost her a long time ago. It has been so many months since we left Norfolk, and for these long weeks since the first attack, it has seemed like realistic hope was not a luxury that could be taken to the bank. I still always hoped for the best of course…but I have been preparing for the worst some time now. Learning that I only really lost her a mere few days ago feels completely surreal to me…in so many ways it feels like so much longer. And as I said, I had been preparing for the_ **worst**_…the very worst, and that worst-case scenario was that I had lost all of them…all my family, including my children…but I have them back now, along with my Dad. Against all odds, I have my babies back with me…and they are _healthy_…because of _you_! That is one hell of a consolation prize, Rachel."

As he looked deeply into her features from his much greater height at this close distance, he could see that she was considering his words carefully…but skeptically. Determining if he was only humoring her fragile emotional state with lies, perhaps?

"Rachel, I am telling you the truth." He carefully raised the hand closest to the undamaged side of her face and gently caressed her cheek…catching and removing and a single tear that chose that moment to fall. While maintaining all his focus on her eyes, he used all his might to stop himself from seeing the blackness that surrounded the left one, lest his anger return, and again be directed at the person least deserving of it.

"You believe me, don't you?" She _had_ to believe him.

"Yes, and I'm sorry, genuinely, not just for before, but for your wife…I never did offer my condolences properly and I realize now what a terrible oversight that was. You are always so focused on the wellbeing of others…I feel someone should be focused on _yours_." She didn't mention that she would very much like it if that someone was allowed to be her…but that was _so_ not appropriate...and _so_ not the time anyway.

"Are we ok?" He had to make sure the beautiful, but indefinable and fragile thing they were, was in no way damaged moving forward.

"Yes, Tom, we're ok." Her beautiful face was damaged, but smiling, it was still enchanting to him.

"Are _you_ ok, _really_?"

"Yes, Tom, I'm ok…I promise." And with those words and a weak but trusting and reassuring smile, that had be the end of it…for now.

TBC

A/N: I would really like to hear what everyone thinks… :-)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who have reviewed, favorited or followed this story. The support is really encouraging. :-)

LSLSLSLS

Approaching the lab, he could clearly hear that his target was indeed inside, but he could also hear that she was not alone, someone was with her…. Alisha Granderson.

Moving stealthily, so as not to let his presence be immediately known, he entered on the far side of the lab to where the two women were hunched over a table in a hushed but heated conversation that seemed to be fast bordering on an argument.

He couldn't hear what was being said, but it was his Lieutenant that looked like she was about to lose it. His Doctor seemed maybe a little less composed then usual, but mainly her usual pulled together self. She seemed to be trying very hard to get the point she was arguing across to his Lieutenant, who seemed very unwilling to either listen or agree with whatever was being said to her.

He observed the, clearly secretive, interaction for several moments. He wished he could hear what was being said, but alas he could not. Though the distress the words were causing on the other hand, was clearly evident.

Tom made the decision to move forward and make his presence known to the two women. This was it, he had had enough, and it wasn't like his overly abundant patience on this matter had actually helped anyone anyway…so it was going to stop. This secrecy was going to end right here, right now.

"Afternoon ladies." He spoke loudly, moving to stand directly in front of the two women.

Both of them jumped at his greeting, one more so than the other. Two matching sets of deer caught in headlights gazes spun in his direction.

It was his clearly distressed Lieutenant who spoke first.

"Afternoon, Sir…I was just leav…" She hurried to excuse herself from his presence, but he interrupted her weak protest.

"You were just staying, Lieutenant. Take a seat." He watched her hesitate, looking for all the world like she was seriously considering ignoring an order for _not the first time_ since this whole thing started.

"Now…please, Alisha." His first word was hard, the second two soft and it was with those last words, that her will faltered and she sat.

Both women were now seated before him, stock-still and silent, their attentions now focused on him, but somehow still…distracted. He chose to remain standing as he studied both women closely… He knew these two, to be strong, capable and confident examples of womanhood… But that was not what he saw before him now.

Tom mentally chastised himself for letting whatever this was continue as long as it had, these things never got better on their own, he knew that…and yet, after trying and failing to discover the truth, he had let them continue to keep their secrets. That had been a mistake, and now it was time to fix it.

"It's truth time, ladies."

"Pardon, sir?" Apparently his Lieutenant was going to take the path of confusion… completely and utterly fabricated confusion…that was just not going to fly.

"You know what I'm talking about, you both do. In fact the only person who doesn't know what I'm talking about is me! But that is about to change. Right now. Neither of you are leaving this room until you tell me what it is you have been hiding since Baltimore. I wanted…_I needed_…answers then, and I let you both dissuade me from getting them. I gave you the chance to handle this yourself, just as you asked…_begged_…me to, and it was a huge mistake on my part. It is clear that neither of you have handled anything at all. In fact I would hazard a guess, that the situation has actually gotten worse." As he continued to closely monitor the reactions of the two before him, he became even more convinced that that particular estimation was correct. Even more determined, in his now set course, he continued.

"Let me assure you, ladies, I am going to be getting answers this time, and I will be getting them today…this _cannot_ continue any longer. It's effecting you…both of you…_badly_…I need to know what _it_ is. No more secrets from this moment on." He finished on a hard note, one that hopefully broached no argument to his assertion.

Both women had remained silent through his tirade. As he looked at them now, he though his Lieutenant looked absolutely petrified...Rachel on the other hand looked…resigned? Her next words were proof that he had read that particular emotion correctly.

"He's right, Alisha." Rachel spoke for the first time since Tom's surprise appearance in her lab. But she did not look at him. Her eyes were firmly connected to Alisha's. They were supportive, apologetic… But she also seemed to be somehow willing and searching the other woman for understanding and acceptance of her words…unsuccessfully.

"But Dr. Scott…_No_!" Was Alisha's terrified rejoinder.

"Alisha, we can't hide this anymore. Neither of us can. He's right, this has gone on too long now and the situation has indeed gotten…well, at the very least it has gotten a whole lot less viable to successfully hide from people." Tom could have sworn she had been about to say 'gotten worse' and confirm his appraisal of the current circumstance.

"Dr. Scott, please! No! Please don't say anything! You promised and this is _my _secret_, my_ business_, only mine! Now more than ever_…"

Alisha was all but crying now, pleading, certainly. He thought he should say something more, but after considering it, he decided to remain silent for the time being. He had apparently already successfully moved one of the women over to his corner, and she was now doing his work for him in trying to convince the other to come over as well...thought apparently not with much success.

As he returned his attention to the two desperate looking women before him, he saw that Alisha had indeed lost her battle with the tears that had been threatening to fall, but she was still adamant in her refusal to come clean over past events. He watched on as she squeezed her eyes tightly shut and started shaking her head and repeating softly, '_no, no, no'_.

Not for the first time, he wondered what the hell could cause this woman to act so very uncharacteristically. Also not for the first time, he wondered what the bloody well was wrong with him, that he had let this go on for such a ridiculously long length of time.

He now watched on as Rachel, failing to regain Alisha's attention any other way, reached out and held her on either side of her face. The touch where her open palms made contact with the other woman's jawline, from ear to chin, was gentle but still insistent. She forced Alisha to stop shaking her head and entreated her to open and eyes and look at her.

"Alisha! Look at me, look at me, please…. listen to what I'm saying to you, _we_ can't hide this anymore. _Neither_ of us can."

Alisha seemed a little slow on the uptake of whatever it was that was being silently communicated between the lines to her, but when the full and true meaning of the spoken and unspoken words began to sink in, he watched her face fall even further into despair. "You mean you…? _As well_…?"

"Yes." Rachel nodded her head tightly…and rather bleakly.

At first he watched his Lieutenant's eyes widened indubitably at Rachel's words, and then suddenly she burst into tears at the confirmation. The confirmation of what he didn't have a clue, but he was slightly terrified nonetheless.

"This is all my fault…_all my fault_…" Alisha continued to sob through her bleak outward ruminations.

"Alisha listen to me now! This is _not_ your fault; none of this is either of our faults!" Rachel was trying valiantly to make the younger women hear and believe her words…but it didn't look like Alisha was buying it. She could understand why it was a difficult argument for the other woman to believe…she wasn't convinced that _she_ was blameless in the tragic events…but she was sure that Alisha_ was_.

As Tom looked on from the sidelines at the two desperate women before him, he realized that whatever this was it was probably far more likely to be _his_ fault. They were _all _his people, his responsibility, and therefore everything that had happened to them in Baltimore was his responsibility too…especially since he had gone MIA from their protection detail on a personal mission to save his family… He had also let whatever this situation was, fester on, virtually unchecked.

He could further disparage himself later, right now it was time for answers, time to fix this.

"Ladies…I'm sorry to interrupt, but…"

Rachel held up a single finger to stop his momentum of speech. "Captain, can you just…_please,_ just give us a second?"

After a moment's hesitation, he nodded his assent, but he didn't move a single inch from his current position. He was absolutely serious when he said he wasn't going anywhere until he got answers.

Rachel clearly read the stubbornness in his manner, after a look a frustration aimed in his direction; she returned her full attention to her distraught young friend.

"Alisha…let me tell him…"

"No, Dr. Scott…no! _I can't_." She young woman cried. He felt awful…but there were no better choices available anymore...

"_You _don't have to Alisha, I will."

"But…" She tried to argue, but she did finally appear to be weakening in her resolve…some resignation now visible on her features.

"Alisha…there is no longer any choice on the 'if this can be kept secret' question, and there's little choice in the 'when it will come out' question either…let it be _now_ and let it be _me_ who does it…you can leave us…you don't have to be here for this."

He went to argue that, he had told them that _neither_ of them were leaving until he got answers. But before he had gotten the first word out, he was speared by the hardest look of reproach he had ever received from a woman…let alone this woman. It was almost enough to make a grown man shrivel actually…almost. He made the decision to silently assent, and shut his mouth again. As long as he finally got answers, he supposed it didn't matter who was there or which one of these ladies was the one to provide them.

His attention shifted from Rachel's still hard gaze to Alisha, when she began to nod her head slowly.

"Ok, I guess there is not choice now, seeing that you…" She didn't finish her sentence. "But I still want…promise you will…" She didn't finish that sentence either. Her voice was stilted by her continued weeping, but also, he suspected by his presence…there was still something she was deliberately not giving voice to because he was here…even if her words, or lack thereof had not been enough, the nervous glance in his direction as she spoke…and faltered, had confirmed it.

"I will do everything I can, if _you_ will give me time to do it. There _is _still time Alisha, we do not have to act right now…_promise me you will give me time_. I _absolutely_ need you to promise me that." Now Rachel's hard gaze was leveled at his Lieutenant, though it was not nearly as menacing as the one she had taken out for use on him.

It didn't look like the upset young woman felt particularly disposed to make the promise that was being asked of her…but eventually, she did.

"I promise…but if you don't mind, I will go now." With that she got up and made her way over to him, she needed to pass him to get to the door. When she reached him, it appeared that she needed to summon extra strength to be able to face him. He watched as she took a deep breath, attempted to control her breathing and get her emotions under control before she lifted her gaze to meet his…hesitantly.

"Sir…may I be excused?" It was more of a plea, than a request.

Tom took a quick moment to make a study of the usually strong woman before him. He then glanced behind her to Rachel…and the very hard veneer she was wearing like a second skin on her warning covered features. The silent communication was easy to interpret…_don't cross me on this_. Without even glancing back at the Lieutenant, he spoke, he gaze glued to Rachel's…meeting her stare boldly…despite his acquiescence.

"You can leave us, Lieutenant."

"Thank you, Sir." Was her immediate answer, spoken on a rush of both breath and air as she rushed to the door…thankfully sealing it behind her. He supposed she had reason to not want what was to be said in here overheard…whatever it was to be… He may have been seemingly close to the finish line, but his patience was waning on him.

"Now can you, please…" He was stopped when another single finger of Rachel's was held high in the air between them. He raised a single eyebrow at her silent command but did accede to her directive as he watched on silently, as she picked up the phone and placed a call…to CIC of all places.

"Yes, Foster, please. This is Dr. Scott."

Both eyebrows rose now, what did she want with Foster? _And why_ _now_? He continued to wait, just as she did, obviously for Lt. Foster in her case. A tense silence descended. Her eyes, still hard, resolute and commanding on the surface…were losing confidence beneath it, he could see. In what was probably only a few mere seconds, he got the clear picture that the recently departed Lieutenant was not the only one harboring anxiety about what was about to happen. Rachel was just a lot better at hiding it…but even she seemed to be starting to lose the battle with her nerves. His focus returned from musing of Rachel's inner angst, when she spoke aloud again.

"Yes, Kara. I need you to do something. I have sent Alisha to your quarters, I need you to go there and stay with her until I say otherwise."

Ok, he supposed he could get the gist of what was happening here, Alisha had been very upset…Lt. Foster was her friend and bunkmate…

"The Captain already knows, he's fine with it. Just say you need to leave until further notice and it's at the Captain's request."

A skyward eyebrow situation occurred again as he met her gaze challengingly. She eyed him back rebelliously, daring to him to countermand her directive and _outright lie_.

He considered it, but in the end he remained silent. Sensing that she had won the silent battle, he watched as Rachel returned her attention to the communication device in her hand.

"I assure, there's nothing medically wrong with her, but I still need you to watch her."

He hoped that was true. It certainly appeared that the two women's physical injuries had at least mostly healed since their return those long weeks ago. His concern for their mental wellbeing had long since mostly replaced any lingering concern that there could be a residual physical cost to them based on their time spent in incarceration.

"Contact me immediately if you become suspicious about anything."

Rachel's voice again broke his musings. What exactly did Rachel think there could be, for Foster to become suspicious about, if the Lieutenant was physically healthy? _Yeah..._he was getting that really bad feeling in the bit of his stomach again… Not that that feeling had actually completely gone away in the last long weeks since Baltimore…and definitely not since he had first entered this particular room on this particular day.

"Yes, thank you, Kara, I will talk to you soon."

Obviously, his other Lieutenant had taken Rachel's word, that she had gained his permission to give the order she had…without needing his confirmation. That was something to consider. It wasn't an overtly bad thing. But it wasn't clear either.

Civilians were impossible to fit into the military chain of command, as cleanly and seamlessly, as everyone else. It didn't work to be constantly checking and second-guessing orders during what could, at any time, be a heated and time constrained incident. So generally, a choice one way, or the other, had to be made. And that choice came down to trust, could someone be trusted to be taken at their word…or could they not.

Truth was, he had actually gone out of his way to get his crew to put their complete faith and trust in Dr. Scott and her abilities…and she had come through for them, and been proven deserving of that faith and trust in the end.

Rachel had come a long way with the crew from the distrusted outsider who had kept such overwhelming secrets from them for so many months. She had had to achieve the impossible to accomplish it, but she had redeemed herself, she was one of them now, trusted.

Lt. Foster herself, had put her life very deliberately and completely in the Rachel's hands, when she had volunteered for the vaccine trail…and now Dr. Scott was in charge of monitoring her pregnancy, at her preference. So, he supposed he shouldn't be surprised that her word had been taken as truth by the other woman.

Still, he could only hope that Rachel would choose to be discerning in the way she exercised her apparent power and influence on his ship.

He observed her as she ended the call with Foster, watched her as she slowly and carefully replaced the receiver on its handle…_far too slowly and carefully, actually_…it looked like she was deliberating trying to use up time now, stalling him. The woman had run on bravado and professionalism to this point, but now she had run out of tasks and distractions to even slightly delay the coming conversation, and she was downright nervous…he would bet money on it.

"Rachel. No more stalling. It's time for the truth now." He spoke softly, gently, but still calling her out on her obvious delaying tactics.

He had already made the decision to let her putting commands into his mouth, slide. While not an unserious breach usually, she wasn't military. And it wasn't like she had hid it from him, or that any other action would have altered the resulting outcome. If Rachel had told him that she thought it necessary to remove Lt. Foster from her post and send her to go look after the distraught young Lieutenant he had just dismissed, then that is exactly what he would have ordered…he just wished she had gone through the very easy formality of asking him first...given that he was standing right there.

He observed Rachel look up at him, from her position still partially slumped at her workbench, in calm resignation.

"Yes, Captain, I know."

But still only silence followed. He watched her lower her head again and rest it on her hands, supported by elbows leaning on the bench. He couldn't quite see, but he thought her eyes were closed too. He gave her a few moments but when she still made no move to speak he was forced to disrupt her quiet time.

"Rachel, I just let you dismiss Lt. Granderson _against_ by prior command. I let you give orders in CIC _without_ my prior command…and frankly, I let you dissuade me from getting the answers I needed for over a goddamn month! I think you'll agree I've been patient..."

"You have." She acknowledged fairly, but her head didn't rise, her eyes didn't open, and she said no more.

"Rachel, I don't want this to get difficult. I really don't. I can see that whatever this is, it is having a negative effect on you too…_still_…all this time later. It's a big part of the reason I have to know now. I want to help you…both of you. And I'm sorry, you should well know that the last thing I want to do is cause you pain, but I am telling you now, when it comes to this particular subject…_I have no more patience left to give_."

"I can quite believe and understand that, Captain." She was being very affable with the words she was speaking…but they were still far to few in number for his liking.

Even more silence followed, he was growing frustrated; it meant he was going to have to become…_harsh_ with her again, and he really didn't want to do that. Right now, Rachel was giving off an impression that reminded him distinctly of a wounded bird, possibly mortally wounded beneath the surface, but you would never know, as they were predisposed to tough it out right to the end. Just when he had come to the sad conclusion that he was going to be compelled to verbal forcefulness with her again…she thankfully starting speaking, prompted only by herself.

"You better sit down…Tom…this is not a short story…nor is it a particularly pleasant one."

For some reason, just the thought of relaxing enough to sit, stifled at him. Frankly, he was a great mass of coiled anxiety right now. It was like he was imminently awaiting the moment he would need to use that roiling power and energy inside him, to deal his yet unidentified foe a mortal blow.

"Please, Tom. You must understand how I would prefer this to be a conversation rather than an interrogation…and that is exactly what you standing over me like that feels like!"

Right, that was true, he could absolutely understand that. For her, he would sit and try to portray a façade of composure.

He took the seat that Alisha had vacated right next to her. Seated sideways on the chair, he faced Rachel straight on. He laid one arm across the side of her workbench, to support his large form and hopefully project some small measure of casualness. Once seated, a mere foot from her, sky blue and chocolate brown orbs drew to one another as though magnetized.

Fact was, there was _absolutely_ _nothing_ casual about the united gaze they were currently immersed in.

TBC...

A/N: I know, I know, sue me! :-) I have started work on the next chapter and will endeavor to not leave you languishing too long. As I have mentioned before, reviews do aid in the creative process…just staying... ;-)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry this took a bit longer than I intended. I had both some computer problems and some RL issues that have gotten in the way of the invisible schedule I've been trying to keep to with all my stories. I am very interested to hear what everyone thinks about this chapter. This story is very much heating up and getting to the crux of the drama now. Having said that there is still a long road ahead for this one. Nowhere close to done yet. I am somewhat nervous to hear what people think about this chapter, I spent a great deal of time on it. I wanted to get it just right. Only time will tell how I did I guess…please do let me know what you think. Encouraging feedback will definitely help me moving forward, this one is a heavy and complex one to write, but if people stay with me I think it will be very much worth it in the end. :-)

Chapter Warning: Non-graphic discussion of violence and sexual assault.

LSLSLSLS

It was Rachel who eventually broke the heated union of their gazes. She averted her eyes all of sudden, looking…anywhere and everywhere…except at him.

"I suppose I should start at the beginning." She spoke hesitantly, still not re-meeting his eyes.

Still reeling from the mental intimacy they had stumbled into…and then he had been yanked out of, Tom took a moment before he responded.

"Seems like a good place." He finally agreed.

"You already know everything that happened up until we were separated…"

"And I left you alone and completely unprotected to go off on a personal mission, yes, I remember." He interrupted in self-derision.

"Captain…Tom…you need to let that go. I have told you before that you did nothing wrong and that you getting your children and father back was the best outcome that was possible at the time…nothing I am going to say, hard as it may be to hear, is going to change that fact." She implored. He nodded shortly, his gaze on the bulkhead on the far side of the room. Obviously, her was far from convinced, but apparently, he was letting it go for now.

"We have also already explained how we, Alisha and I, came to learn the truth about Olympia and the part her Mother played in it all… Everything we have already reported about those events was the complete and unabridged truth. But…" She paused then.

"But…?" He prompted after a full second of silence.

"But… It was what came later that night. That was what we, very deliberately, didn't report to you, or anyone else."

"What happened, Rachel? He implored her softly.

Rachel took a deep breath, before raising her gaze to continue on. However, she only met Tom's eyes briefly before a deep sense of shame traitorously overcame her and she knew she could not tell him and look at him at the same time. She cast her eyes downwards at her hands...and spoke softly.

"After we discovered what was really happening…well…_we resisted a little_, both physically and verbally. We were restrained, _rather strongly_…Alisha too, Granderson, at no point, seemed the least bit inclined to leniency towards her daughter…it was unbelievable… Anyway, we were restrained, disarmed, vastly outnumbered…we could do little to help any of those things...and they did not paint a rosy picture of our prospects. Especially in light of Granderson's apparent complete lack of emotional connection to her own flesh and blood…it clearly spoke of how far gone the woman really was. "

Another pause. Rachel felt that this was even more difficult than she had imagined it could be…and she had barely scratched the surface in her rendition of events. She glanced up at him briefly. He was waiting patiently for her to continue…at the moment. It wouldn't last. They had already used up a great deal of his patience and goodwill in the weeks since that nightmare…there was little left to uselessly waste now… So before he had to prompt her to continue yet again, Rachel prompted herself.

"Obviously, I unwaveringly refused to do any work for them. The very thought of helping them in such a cause was utterly _abhorrent._ I was disgusted to think that I already had, however unwittingly. I think they were left in little doubt of the fruitlessness of changing my mind on that score, at least any time soon. And of course they never would have been able to… But don't think they had any plans to give up trying any time soon...not before I was dead at least. But I think it was other things we said and how we said them, that, in hindsight, really sealed our fate on what was to come..."

_Wow, this was hard_. Again she did not wait for the prompt to come, after another deep fortifying breath, she continued on her own.

"We were both guilty of denouncing Granderson, her beliefs and her _reprehensible_ policies, in every way...strongly and _very_ _harshly_…and in front of her people too. _She did not like that._ Alisha was obviously horrified at her Mother's actions. Though I admit, I was the one quite a bit more vocal and quite a lot harsher on the subject. In hindsight, silence may have been the wiser course of action, but carefully considered personal interactions…_especially when I am supremely pissed off_…are not exactly my forte."

Tom could not prevent, despite the circumstances, the small single chuckle that rose from him. The action clearly disclosed both his amusement and his agreement of her self-diagnosis.

"I know, not exactly a revelation, that one. I think Alicia slipped into, at least a mind state, of shock at some point in the proceedings. It was understandable. There was very much a significant extra layer of trauma to what she was going through, because of her personal connection to the person doing it."

It was still heartbreaking to remember the look on the younger woman's face. She had spared numerous worried glances at her as the truth of the situation had become clearer and clearer…_and worse and worse. _Each one had made her even more worried about her. The much desired evidence that it was all just a big a misunderstanding, that it was all somehow explainable. The exonerating proof that any daughter, obviously wishing to believe the best in her mother, would frantically look for, had never come…

All that had come was the older woman's proud admittance of absolute guilt in absolute atrocities. And as the realization had been made, Rachel had watched it cause the light in Alicia's eyes, to die little by little, until it was extinguished altogether… As yet, she had not seen it reignite, even this many weeks later.

It fact they were probably even farther from the task then they had been back in that room, learning those terrible things. Because things had very much gotten worse from there…and they had yet to get much better. Obviously, they had gotten out…_The Captain had gotten them out_…but much damage had unfortunately already been done by that point. They were only now realizing how much…

Rachel deliberately withdrew from her unhappy musings to resolutely continue in her set task.

"In any event, Mrs. Granderson objected to our resistance. To what she firmly believed was her absolute rule...and her absolute _right_ to rule. Truth is, she got very offended in our personal judgments of her…_very offended_. The woman just didn't have a strong grasp on morality, or_ reality_ either, for that matter. I'm sure that what happened later than night, at least in part, was her way of putting us in our places, by imposing her personal agenda on us…in a very personal way…"

Ok, this was the first of many _really_ hard parts to talk about…_to admit to_…but she had to do it.

"I have to tell you now, that I'm sure a certain amount of what happened was my fault, for all the reasons I just told you. I did not act intelligently. I did not act with the caution the situation dictated. My actions were reckless…all the more so because I was not alone. Alisha was there and very much at risk of also suffering the punishment my words would bring, and I still foolishly spoke out. Obviously, I did not expect what _actually_ ended up happening… But some sort of reprisal from pissing off the bad guys was pretty foreseeable…it just didn't stop me…"

She trailed off and Tom chose the moment to interrupt before she could continue further down her egregious thought path. He may know little about the events of their captivity as of yet. But her absolute innocence of being in any way the cause of whatever it was that occurred, was something he was_ absolutely_ sure of.

"Rachel, while I _still _don't know _what_ went on to happen… I can assure you that it was _not _your fault...in any way. I know you too well to believe that for a second, and I think we all came to understand Granderson uncomfortably well too. She proved quite clearly that she was very willing to execute heinous acts with absolutely no provocation at all…quite simply she was probably always going to do whatever she wanted with both of you…_which is why I can't believe I left you there alone…"_

Rachel lifted her gaze to spare the man before her look of gentle consideration...even a small slightly sad smile. His kind sentiments as to her actions and character were as a balm to her wounded soul…even if she couldn't quite bring herself to believe them. But what she very much wanted to get _him _to believe…especially moving forward…was that none of what happened was in any way _his _fault.

"I can_ easily_ believe it, Tom, for the quite simple reason of_ You. Did. Not. Know. _If you had had any inkling, I know you never would have left. It's as simple as that! _You did nothing wrong! _And like I said before, if you hadn't have left, _and left right then_, you _never_ would have been in time to save Jed and the children…_"_

He interjected on her well-meant defense of his actions then, because far from reducing his guilt, he words now were the very source of his guilt and shame.

"But that's exactly it! If I hadn't have been distracted with looking for my family, hadn't have so desperately wanted to believe those people were my chance at getting them back, I likely would have been in a better mindset to see the obvious that was right in front of my face!"

Rachel had to stop him then. It was clear they were both suffering guilt over what happened. But as far as she was concerned, his was completely groundless.

"Tom…I think you're exaggerating the so called _obvious_. Unless you really think all of us, all of your people, me included, were so damn stupid as to not see it straight away either…"

"No of course not! But _I _should have seen it…"

"Why? Why are you so much smarter than everyone else?" Rachel deadpanned the question and then stared at him in silence.

He started back at her…unsure.

Eventually, she let the corner of her mouth lift upward in a small smirk, and he understood that she was teasing him. Making a joke to ease the tension and his own self-derision. He admired her for the effort, given the circumstances. Especially considering the act had been an attempt to help him…when really, this was far more about her.

"Touché, Rachel, touché." He spared her a small smile…which she returned kindly.

They shared a moment then. And for that moment it was like they were not in the middle of an angst filled conversation in her lab… But maybe back in his office, when she had given him that amazing cure, that they had all worked so tirelessly to create.

Or even back on the bridge deck that time, when she had brought him celebratory tea, which he had absolutely hated, but drunk for her sake. Both times had been filled with so much hope, the former time had been imbued with something else too, a feeling she was afraid to give voice to, even in her mind, even now…especially now actually.

She was not the same woman she had been then…unfortunately. Back then it had been his, assumed to be still living, wife that had been the obvious reason for her to absolutely stamp down on the slightest feeling or notion contrary to their professional relationship…and maybe friendship. Now it was _her_. It wasn't like she thought he had believed her to be some giant catch before…but now she was even less of one. A lot less…

Tom could see she had become lost in less pleasant internal musings at a certain point in the moment they had been sharing. At first she had seemed gently satisfied with their current place…then suddenly quite morosely dissatisfied, caused no doubt by whatever negative thought or memory had chosen that moment to invade her conscious mind.

He would have been content to let their more pleasant moment continue indefinitely, despite his strong desire for answers, but these more troubling thoughts he needed to call a halt to, now.

"Rachel." He spoke softly…at the same time enfolding her hand within his own on the table between them. Whether it was his voice or his touch, or both, she came out of herself with a start and looked at him with wide blinking eyes.

"Tom." She answered. Though whether she was speaking to him, or assuring herself, he couldn't be sure.

"You ok?" He wanted them to continue. He didn't want this to drag on any further. He really wanted them to get to the healing portion of this. The part that he _really_ hoped he could help with. He was really hating this feeling of helplessness. He knew they couldn't get there until the full disclosure part was completed. But even though the need was dire…he still was quite desperate that his pushing her right now, did not cause her any further harm.

"I'm ok, I promise." She gave him another small shy smile. He melted his heart. He hated to take that smile off her face but…

"Do you think you're ok to continue?" He was right, that removed the smile from her face pretty quickly. He hated himself more than a little right now.

Rachel pulled herself together visibly. "Yes, yes I'm fine, I can go on."

He studied her for a moment and then nodded, indicating for her to do just that.

"Umm…where was I?"

"You've mentioned _that night_ a few times, unless anything momentous happened before then, that I don't already know about, I think we should finally get to _that night_."

"Yeah… yes, that makes sense, I can do that." Her tone however, seemed to indicate she was actually in doubt of if she really could or not.

Tom waited patiently, studying her. He decided he could give her some time to psych herself up to this. Clearly she needed it. He tried to ignore his own increasing anxiety of what he was going to hear, and focus on doing everything he could to calm hers. For the moment that was simply time and patience…but unfortunately he could no longer allow her too much more time…and his patience was in short supply too. It's overly liberal use in this matter, was the reason they were still in this mess, all this time later.

Thankfully he did not need to push further, she eventually did continue her tale unprompted…

"Well actually, with the benefit of hindsight of course, I know Granderson's plan for us started the moment we were taken to the secure room where we were being held. Almost immediately after being thrown in there, our guards came back in…along with some medical technicians. The guards immediately restrained us both and the technicians injected us with something. Then, as quick as they entered, they were gone again. They completely ignored us and our questions about what it was that was in the syringes."

"They injected you with something? Do you know what it was?" He was _really_ not liking where this was going. Did that bitch use them for medical experiments? Even her own _daughter_?!

"No, we didn't have a clue then. We didn't learn later, either. It is only very recently that the pieces have started to come together, as to what the purpose of the contents of those syringes, might well have been. It was what Alisha and I were… _discussing_, when you came in…but I'm getting ahead of myself…" She needed to stay on track and _focus_. Drawing on dwindling reserves, Rachel took a deep fortifying breath in, and after exhaling slowly, she continued.

"When we were first injected, after the men had just left, we waited for the substance to have some sort of an immediate effect…sedation…pain…but there was nothing. They left us there alone for hours and neither of us felt any different…that we recognized at the time." Yeah, there _had_ actually been signs, they made a hell of a lot of sense now…but the truth had been the last possibility on either of their minds back then. Even her, as a doctor, hadn't considered this possibility back then…

"Truth is there probably were some small signs, in hindsight, but we put them down to the stress of the situation and recent discoveries. Fact is, we all but forgot about the injections after awhile. Well, at least we didn't focus on them. We couldn't. It didn't appear like they was going to be immediately problematic, and we most definitely had more immediate problems to ruminate on."

"Like?" He was still pretty concerned about whatever this mystery substance was, that his women had been given without their consent, but he would let her tell this her way.

"Like how to get the hell out of there! Like how to get a message to you and the ship! To let you all know that Granderson and her people were actually the enemy!" She took a second to draw breath then, after her heated outburst. She continued on a little more calmly.

"You have to remember that from the point where we left the ship, and even more so after you left, we were cut off from any information that Granderson didn't feed us herself. And all of that proved to be highly suspect." That was an understatement if ever there was one.

"We had no idea what was going on outside the compound…or even outside of our cell for that matter. We couldn't even decide which prospect was worse... That you, and Mike back at the ship, were still in the dark and thus helping those monsters, or if you had found out like we had and…things had gone _badly_." She didn't need to directly say out loud that she had been worried that they had been killed, when they had discovered with whom they had really allied themselves.

"At that point I wasn't surprised that they were keeping _us_ alive. Alisha was Granseron's flesh and blood, for whatever little that was worth to the woman. And they still wanted to convince me to help them with the vaccine…useless endeavor that it was. But for everyone else…we were very worried that Granderson and her regime would term you all highly dispensable… just as they were disposing of the rest of the population for that reason!" She made a face as she finished the sentence, as if the idea caused a bad taste in her mouth, which he supposed it did…to him too.

"I was concerned about your family too. At first we were worried that it had not been real, just a trap to draw you away… But then I remembered that you said that you had spoken to your father…and you would obviously easily recognize if it were not actually him…so that prospect seemed unlikely. At that point we just hoped that Granderson's true nefarious intentions would not derail you from getting to them in time to and save them."

"It was close." He reflected. And it had been. Truly. Mere moments of indecision could have provided a very different _and dire_ outcome. One much closer to what was already so many people's reality.

"Yes. It was." There was no need to say more. What could one say? She knew where he had found them. She knew what had been happening at that place. She knew exactly what would have happened if he had not gotten there just when he did. And so did he. Painfully aware, she was sure.

And that was ignoring the fact that the virus itself would have proved still fatal if allowed to attack their already fragile bodies much further before being eradicated with the cure. Tom didn't need to know how close she really felt his family had been to that invisible line between live and death, when he had injected them. It had indeed beenclose. _Very close._

They were both silent for several moment, gazes downcast. Considering the same thing, she imagined, if he had been too late… She already loved his children…and his father. Not that she thought she had the right too, but already the thought of their loss, made her heartsick. And it was such a strange thought, that she could have lost all these wonderful people, having never even met them to start with.

But Rachel knew, that even if the worst had happened, she would still have mourned them, for Tom's sake…just as she mourned Tom's wife, for his sake.

While obviously being distracted by her and Alisha's own dire experiences of Baltimore, she had not been quite so selfish as to ignore Tom's own loss…especially as she was partially responsible. If she had just developed that damn vaccine faster…

Of course, to herself, she could admit to a level of mixed feelings…given her non-platonic feelings for the man before her. But they were irrelevant, then, and even more so now. So, she could honesty admit that she did wish Tom's wife had lived. Because then Tom wouldn't have been hurt. He would have been happy. And when you are truly in love with someone, their happiness is all that matters… even if they are not happy_ with you_.

Which of course was something that was never going to happen _anyway_… Wait, did she _in _love? Crap. Well, ruminating on that too much was not going to help this conversation go any smoother. Better to quash that notion as deeply as humanly possible. Not deny it, there was no denying it…at least not to herself. But it definitely required quashing.

Otherwise, she risked getting distracted by daydreams that could never come to pass.

They had both consciously taken a moment to contemplate what they had lost…and what they had only just managed to hold on to. But now she knew she needed to continue.

Otherwise she risked ruminations on losses and near losses, becoming a stall tactic, and that was not worthy of them or her.

"As I said, hours passed and nothing. No one came, we didn't think we felt any noticeable effect from the substance they had injected…and we came up with absolutely no ideas as to how to get out of there, or get word to you…" She still hated the utter feeling of helplessness, which remembering that time, brought back in full force.

"It must have been very late by the next time anyone came…I don't know exactly how long. We had no time keeping device…they had taken our watches…and every other personal item. Our room had no windows...impossible to say for certain if it was even day or night…but I thought maybe still night…early hours of the morning probably..." Now she _was_ stalling, it didn't matter what the damn time was. She continued in a rush.

"Anyway, the same guards that had brought us in, and the same med tech's that had injected us, they came back. Again, they were very purposeful in their actions… and again they completely ignored our questioning…seemed to completely ignore we were people, actually..." She spoke the last bit on an angry whisper.

Tom suspected, from her words and her reaction to them, that they were now getting to the crux of the matter. He needed to keep her calm…even as his temper was simply boiling beneath the surface. These _people_…and he used the word loosely…whatever they had done, they had treated his people…these two beautiful smart and vibrant women, like animals to be experimented on!

Granderson and her people were the true animals…no wait, that wasn't right either…he actually liked animals. Monsters. That was what they were, the monstrosities of evil legend, their very nature despicable in every way.

Tom was barely containing his ferocity internally, as the revelations flowed. As he tried hard to keep her from actually hearing the sound of his teeth grinding in anger, he wondered how likely it was that he was actually going to be able to keep a lid on his anger moving forward. Using all of his mental might, he willed every outwardly directed bodily signal to calm…especially his voice.

"Rachel, you can tell me anything, anything at all. There will never be any judgment's made on you or Alisha, not matter what you say. None at all."

He had actually been quite successful. When he spoke, it was a gentle whisper, and he followed the caress of his words with a caress of his hand. He gently and carefully ran it down her arm in what he hoped was a soothing and comforting manner. Belatedly, he worried if maybe physical contact was not the way to go when she was so raw from retelling her ordeal. But she seemed ok with it. She didn't start at the contact, as he would have expected she would have had, if it really had been alarming and unwelcome to her.

Rachel took great pains to not let it be shown how wonderful she found his touch. She relished it and wished for more of it, but it was completely inappropriate to in any way ask for it. So instead, she simply enjoyed and drew much needed comfort from what was freely being given to her now. She sent him a gentle but sad smile when he drew his hand away, it was more than generous of him to have let his hand linger for several slow trips rubbing up and down her arm in comfort, she could ask no more. Afterwards she drew a much-needed breath to re-gather her wits before continuing down her set rocky path.

"They came into the room. They had a syringe again…but only one…I didn't understand that. But I didn't have much time to contemplate it either. Apparently the second syringe was just for me. And that one did have a noticeable effect. A strong one. I fought it. I tried to fight the guards that Alisha was struggling with. I did_ try_ to help her…to stop _them_…but…the truth was I was pretty useless. I was barely conscious when I watched all of them drag her out of the room. She was still fighting them, screaming at them. They relocked the door, the sounds disappeared down the hall…then I was alone again, and I lost consciousness."

Tom was really struggling to keep his anger contained now. If any of the actual objects of his rage were here, he knew the endeavor would be utterly useless. He would have beaten them to a bloody pulp before so much as considering another option.

He knew some people would not believe that. He had established himself as strong and capable leader, in many ways, through his self-restraint and ability to intellectually consider the wisest path before taking the action. An action that was always in the best interest of his people and the success of their mission.

But everyone had their limits, and he was in no doubt that they had already stepped over the line of his. He strongly suspected they were going to be_ way_ over that line, by the time Rachel finished her explanation.

There was no doubt at all…Beaten. To. A. Bloody. Pulp.

Tom forced his rage down, it was difficult at first but easier when he again reminded himself that he was not angry at Rachel, and he couldn't let her think that he was. He certainly couldn't risk scaring her with his anger again. He had to be calm…for her sake.

"What was the first thing you remember after that?"

"Waking up." She said with a small smile that spoke of some overlying humor covering significant underlying pain.

Apparently brattiness was a self defense mechanism of hers. He could handle that. Tears and silence were a lot harder to deal with then smiles and sarcasm. This way he had something to work with. He deliberately feigned a very fake annoyance when he replied, a small smile on his lips.

"After that..._brat_." That caused her to laugh…briefly…before she again turned serious and continued in her sad tale.

"Everything _seemed _the same. The same as when I had lost consciousness. I was in the same room, still alone, seemingly even in the same position I had slumped into when the sedative had first taken effect…"

"But…"

"But, something did seem _off_. I just couldn't put my finger on what. Not particularly surprising considering everything about the entire situation was _off…_to put it mildly."

"What did you do then?"

"There wasn't much I could do. I was still pretty foggy for a while after waking up. That sedative had been a damn strong one. Even when the mist did start to clear, my options did not seem numerous. Out of desperation I went through the exact same routine Alisha and I had when we had first been thrown in there. I searched the entire room for any sign of weaknesses to exploit. Unfortunately, they had chosen the makeshift cell well…no furniture to use as weapons, no vents big enough to use as exits, the only entry or exit to the room was the solid metal door we had been tossed through. Basically I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon..." She remembered the helplessness and frustration of the circumstances she had found herself in, and it still bit at her, brutally. With her history, it was impossible for such abject helplessness and vulnerability not to…

"I was so worried about Alisha by that point. After being unconscious I had even less idea of how much time had passed and how long she had actually been gone. I felt it must have been quite a while. The sedative I had been given was strong, and those aren't known for having short lasting effects. I still didn't understand why I had been sedated when she was taken. It wasn't like I pose some massive threat to them taking her...unfortunately." She would have been helpless to stop them either way. She may have been able to get a good punch in sooner without the drugs…but it wouldn't have prevented the final outcome.

"We were vastly outnumbered. Sedating me, purely for the sake of me not getting in the way when they were taking Alisha, didn't make any sense at all. But then sedating me pointlessly, and leaving me to wake up again in exactly the same place didn't either. It was confusing at the time, but just like the initial injections we had been given, it wasn't something I could allow myself to focus on in the urgent circumstances. It was just a question that didn't look like it was going to get an answer anytime soon..."

"You really don't think you were moved? Are you sure you were alone in that room the whole time?" For some reason he was _very nervous_ about any other possibility.

"I couldn't be absolutely sure about any such thing, Tom, given that I was completely knocked out, but at the time, that was the way it seemed."

"_At the time_? Has that changed?"

She paused then. He watched her bite at her lip and direct her gaze upward and to the side, as if in deep thought. She seemed to be trying to choose her next words very carefully. Eventually, she spoke those carefully considered words, the answer to his angst-ridden question.

"That initial assessment has most definitely been called into question recently, yes."

"For what reason?" What could have changed after this much time? Had they experimented on them? Were they now sick? Is that what they had been whispering about? Is that why Alisha was so upset? So many questions still unanswered, and her explanations were only causing him to accumulate more!

"Umm…I think it's best if I continue in order of events, if I skip ahead I think it's unlikely you'll be able to fully understand the situation, and I can assure you that's not a criticism on you. Truth is, we still aren't completely clear ourselves, on what the hell happened, and especially _why_ it did. That's something I should warn you about right now. Don't think you're going to walk out of this room with all the answers, Tom. And it's not because we are hiding them anymore. The truth is we don't know nearly as much as we would like. And we probably never will either. If you want to be fully informed, at least as much as we are…this is the way."

"I understand. Go on." He didn't actually understand, probably couldn't until everything that was _actually _known, was out in the open. Then he could much better consider these purportedly missing pieces. He knew he didn't like the sound of her most recent revelations at all. But right now he was powerless to do anything but sit here and listen.

Rachel knew he didn't actually understand…he couldn't. But his continuing attempt to feign real patience was a kind gesture. She knew it couldn't have been easy for him. Unlike him, she knew what was coming next in her rendition of events, and thus she steeled herself for the disastrous piece of news…the first in quite a few pieces…that she was about to have to break to him.

This was the first test. If he took this confirmation as badly as she knew he could, she didn't know how she could possibly tell him the rest… Well, his reaction would be what it would be. There was no going backwards now…for _so _many reasons. Right now she just needed to get his part said and over with...for all their sake's. With a resigned sign, she leaned forward, supported by her arms on the table before her, and continued her real life horror story.

"I was alone in that room for quite a while after coming back around. It was maybe an hour or two later, when I heard sounds in the hall, just before the door opened again. It was just he guards this time…no techs…they had Alisha with them. She wasn't fighting anymore. She was conscious but basically catatonic at this point. Her physical condition was…well, basically what you saw when you came for us. Most of her injuries were sustained in the time she was gone from our cell and while I was _unconscious_."

He listened to her speak the last words in such self-derision, that you would think it had actually been her choice to sleep through that time, instead of a condition that had been forced on her by soldiers and sedatives. But his mind drew back to what she had said before those words…about the condition his young Lieutenant had been returned to their cell in. Her physical condition and her mental one… He had to ask…

"What had they done to her?"

Rachel eyed Tom shrewdly. "Are you sure you don't already know? I'm sure you already suspect…"

"I have multiple suspicions, I hope I'm wrong on all counts…especially…" He trailed off, not wanting to even give voice to such an evil.

"Especially?" She prompted boldly.

"I think_ you_ know what I'm thinking too." He eyed her back meaningfully.

Rachel was silent a long moment, she spent it studying his face sadly, before she finally spoke quietly. "Yes, I think I do."

"So, am I wrong?" Oh, please let me be wrong…

"No, you're not." Rachel confirmed sadly.

Tom closed his eyes in regret and defeat at the confirmation of one of his worse fears. He was pretty sure they were both reading from the same terrible page, but despite not even wanting to say the word, he knew he had to know for sure.

The truth had to be fully brought into light and acknowledged if he was going to find a way to bring these two women out of the darkness they had subsisted in for the last month.

"So she was…?" He_ couldn't _even say the word. Again he closed his eyes in regret, one hand covering them, rubbing the area just above his eyes, as if warding off a coming headache…or tears.

Rachel took pity on him. He needed the word said and the truth confirmed but he just couldn't bring himself to say it. She could. She had lived with this reality long enough to develop as much comfort as any person…_as any woman_…could. It wasn't much, but still…. She completed his sentence sadly…

"Raped, yes, she was."

TBC…


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry this one took so long. Would you believe I got the first 80% done really fast but the last 20% just fought me every step of the way… My muse wasn't completely absent, but she definitely lost concentration at some point… ;-)

Chapter Warning: Non-graphic discussion of violence and sexual assault.

LSLSLS

There it was. The absolute confirmation of one the worst case scenarios. This one, a scenario that he had been trying to tell himself for a month, was just a figment of his overactive imagination. But it hadn't been. Oh god… How had he let this go for so long? _How had he let it happen to start with? This was on __**him**__!_

"Oh, god…" Rachel watched as Tom slumped down further in his seat before her, both hands now covering his face. The gesture, and his entire countenance, spoke of deep grief, regret and sadness. She wanted to comfort him…as he had comforted her, she had liked it when he had touched her, drew strength from it. She wanted to give that feeling back to him, but she wasn't sure how.

It was ironic, that out of the two of them, the high-ranking military commander was the one more comfortable with the offering of emotional and physical comfort to another person. It was also a somewhat sad statement of her emotional availability, particularly her demonstrative ability.

Not at all sure, but sure she wanted to do something to help his current state, she nervously extended one hand to lay it on his knee gently. He looked up at her at the gesture, then down at her hand on his knee, and back up at her again. His gaze seemingly penetrating into her very soul. The numerous emotions that were currently assaulting him, were easily visibly to any outside observer, but far too numerous to try and count. But Rachel could easily recognize pain, guilt…and indecision.

Finally, after what seemed like a full minute of him just staring at her, Tom did seem to come to at least some small decision. Abruptly, he took the hand she held outstretched in her nervous gesture of comfort, and gripped it tightly in both of his much larger hands. He held that small physical comfort she had offered him as if it were his only remaining lifeline. He then returned their joined hands to rest between them on his knees. Her small hand still held fast in his. To her it was a beautiful sight…and she relished that she did in fact have some comfort she could successfully offer him.

His first words after her massive disclosure were intoned with unreserved anguish.

"Rachel…_why didn't you tell me?" _As his voice become more inflected, his grip on her hand also tightened.

"I…I couldn't…" She stammered. He broke in before she could even try to come up with something better.

"Yes, you _could_ have, you_ should _have! Why didn't you, _really_?"

Why didn't she? Why didn't she betray a trust, a promise she had made? Because she simply couldn't, that was why… She had however, asked herself numerous times, in hindsight, why she had agreed to that promise to start with. She supposed the answer was that she could all to easily put herself, at least partially, in the young Lieutenant's shoes… She would absolutely not want her will ignored if their roles had been reversed.

Alisha had just been so desperate and adamant…so broken and powerless. Rachel hadn't been able to deny her anything that was in her power to give her. It had been as simple as that..._then._ Of course nothing had turned out simple in the long run.

"It was Alisha's choice…so very many choices had been stolen away from her, she was so broken… and _so very_ desperate to not lose what small amount of control she still had. I'm sorry, I just couldn't deny her wishes in this." She spoke apologetically, but adamantly.

But Tom detected a hint of something else in her tone, and in her manner.

"Is Alisha the _only_ reason you didn't speak of this sooner?" He asked suspiciously...and knowingly.

Rachel held his strong gaze briefly, stubbornly…but then couldn't stop herself from casting her gaze downwards again, guiltily. It was all Tom needed to pounce on.

"She isn't, is she? _You_ didn't want to talk about what happened any more than she did…**_why?"_**

Rachel tried to meet his eyes again, but when she did she found that they were even more strong and determined than before. Again she averted her eyes, without any actual intent to do so. It was just a reaction, a natural reaction to being caught in a, both painful and humiliating, conversation…that she could not escape from.

At this particular moment, the hand that he still held reverently but sturdily in his strong grip, seemed less of a support measure and more of a incarceration method. She_ literally_ couldn't escape either him or this conversation right now.

"I…" She couldn't find words to answer him…to deflect him. This wasn't about her right now. It was about Alisha. Now that Tom knew at least part of the truth of events, she had a responsibility to make sure he did not use that knowledge to cause the younger woman any more harm.

Of course, she knew he would do no such thing intentionally, but Alisha was so fragile right now, and distraught at just the idea of him knowing what had happened to her. If he went clamoring around without the complete and full picture of the circumstances the younger woman now found herself in, he could very much make those circumstances worse.

Which meant she had more explaining to do…and none of it would be easy. But before she could move to do just that, Tom spoke, his voice strained.

"Rachel…did…_the same thing_…really happen to you _as well_? Happen to _both of you_?" He still couldn't bring himself to say the word. It seemed even further from his tongue now that it was Rachel he was asking about.

For just a moment she didn't understand his meaning…and then she did.

"Tom, no! I can assure you…I have told you the complete truth about what happened so far, and nothing _like that_ occurred before you got us out. Alisha and I weren't separated again after that." She argued her case adamantly.

Tom still eyed her with suspicion. Something just wasn't adding up. There was just something about all her injuries…her reactions at the time…that spoke of a lot more, and a very different kind of trauma, than the one she was currently letting on to.

He supposed the answer could be in the details of what came next. He could wait to preform his mental autopsy on events until after he had all of the facts, at least the ones she was sharing…then he could decide himself how complete a retelling he felt she was sharing with him.

He didn't want to accuse her of lying, especially when she hadn't even finished explaining…he supposed there was every chance she would get to those missing pieces that were niggling at him. He was just very much getting the impression that she was _deliberating _holding something back, something important, something specifically about_ her._ So far she had focused her story almost entirely on Alisha. But he suspected she very much had her own story to tell too…one she was much more reticent to share.

"Nothing_ like that?_…You still haven't told me how you came to have all those injuries, Rachel…Alisha, yes. You, no. I think you need to tell me the rest, because I'm thinking there is more…a lot more."

Just the memory of her battered form, that he had found upon their rejoining, made his heart sink. She had looked so broken, physically and mentally, from her usually indomitable self.

Of course when one sees a woman looking like that, especially a civilian woman, with those kinds of injures…a badly blackened eye…split lip…large finger shaped bruises running down her arms, it is hard not to consider the obvious stereotype. A woman beaten by man, deliberately and personally abused by someone stronger than her… Someone who was supposed to protect her…

The only circumstance where a man was supposed to use his superior strength for a woman, was **_for _**a woman, in aid of her protection. That is it. Period. Point. Blank. Tom _had been_ immovable on the subject. Of course recent events had provided him with a few notable exceptions to the rule. Amy Granderson being the most prominent of which. But barring such clear and obvious exceptions, in the course of duty, in the aid of protecting the weak and downtrodden, a man held the high and absolute responsibility to never use his greater physical power as a weapon against a defenseless and innocent woman.

Thinking back now, he worried, not for the first time, that he had let her put him off finding out the true and exact cause of her injuries, far too easily. During their debrief she had mentioned an encounter where she had made an ill-fated escape attempt. Remembering now, she had more let them assume, than actually told them that that was how she had received her injuries…both of them actually. Now he knew that that lie/omission had been false in Alisha's case. And he's bet money that Rachel's story wasn't nearly so clear-cut either.

Tom was realizing how close an eye he needed to keep on the woman before him. She was wily, and at least subconsciously, still resistant to the full disclosure she had agreed to. She said she hadn't lied to him, then or now, and he supposed she technically hadn't. But now that she was admitting to her rather large omissions, he could see exactly where she had _fashioned the truth _to direct it away from areas she did not want light shone upon. Yes, he would most definitely have to remain vigilant in regards to his little inconvenient genius.

Looking at her now, he thought Rachel looked like she was trying to psyche herself up to something. He watched her as she straightened her back and drew up to her full height in her chair. A pained but determined expression crossed her features, she looked at him square on…and she spoke.

"Yes, there is more. And you should know it. I should probably pick up where I left off…"

He still held her hand. He had absolutely no desire to release it, and she made no move to retract it, so stayed cradled in his, it did. He gave it a gentle, and he hoped, reassuring squeeze as he replied.

"Yes, I think we all need that. I think everything needs to come out now, Rachel…_everything_."

Looking at him intently, her lips pursed together anxiously. She made a brief study of his kind but determined features and nodded her genuine, but nerve addled, agreement to his request.

"Yes…yes, I know…I _will_ tell you everything now…but you have to understand, some of it is very hard to say…" Understatement of the century…

"I understand that, Rachel. I really do. And the absolute last thing I want to do is put added pressure on you…either on you…but surely you know that I have been left with no choice now...after how bad things have been this last month…after what you have already told me. This has already festered on far too long already…and I know a lot of that is my fault…but you understand that I can no longer afford to let this be given any more time to fester, that I have to push now, you understand that don't you?" He implored her in an almost desperate tone.

"Yes, Tom, I do. And you are completely right, in fact, you don't even know how right you are…we have _definitely_ run out of time… But I should pick up the retelling where I left off…"

He inclined his head shortly, the gesture one of acceptance, and communicated his wish for her to proceed. He could tell the prospect was a daunting one, but her manner was determined and committed…if also a little scared and wounded.

Tom still felt bad for forcing this conversation, despite being left with no other options…but he just couldn't stand her obvious hurt state. He deliberately loosed his fast grip on her hand, but he didn't release it. Instead he held her hand more loosely in his and used his newly freed hand to capture her other elegant limp and drew it too him as well. He now held both her hands gently, in both of his, their bound tributaries resting in the space between them.

The twin connection was imminently pleasing to both, the feeling was very much like they were indeed paying a comforting kind of tribute to one another. As Rachel gazed down at the beautiful sight, she felt imbued with a physically and emotionally gratifying strength. The amazing feeling of her emotional fortitude being replenished, as if she could stand easily against any foe…so long as he would stand beside her…holding her…always.

She supposed that had already proved true in the past months…but she had to admit she wished he would hold her like this more often…and more intimately too. Hollow hope that that one was, it was still an exceedingly intoxicating one.

Even her internal ruminations were working to distract her from the task at hand, trying to comfort her by seducing her into far more pleasant contemplation paths. But she needed to focus, to not be seduced by dreams. It was reality she needed to face…and reality was always so much harsher to confront, than anything her imagination could dream up.

"Well, I told you how they brought Alisha back to our cell, and what I later learned had happened…although it was a suspicion I held from the very moment I saw her again. But even without that particular confirmation, I could easily identify the rest of her numerous fresh injuries. And well…what I hadn't got around to mentioning before was that, at that point, when they first brought her back…well, I sort of lost my temper a little…well…maybe _a lot_…"

"What did you do?" He could see where this was going… He may not have seen her raging mad as of yet. But in those times when he or someone else had managed to piss her off, he had easily identified the potential in her to…let's say, _not shy away from physical confrontation._

"I went nuts. Completely lost it on them. I was just so angry. I can't even report that it was part of some kind of futile escape plan gone bad. It wasn't, I wasn't thinking nearly clearly enough for that. While obviously, if I had actually managed to better the guards, even briefly, then I certainly wouldn't have wasted any time in getting us the hell out of there…but alas we never got that option." She ended in a defeated tone.

"What happened when they guards came back with Alisha, Rachel, what _exactly _did _they_ and _you, _do_?" _While he may have an aptitude for it, especially in regards to her, he was getting tired of reading this story from in between the lines.

Gazing down at their joined hands, she gave the part of his hands that she held a small squeeze. He returned it in kind. Rachel draw on the sight and the feelings, focused on it…and then focused her memories back in time. A Time she didn't particularly ever want to revisit again in her lifetime, but no true choice existed for her right now. Continue she must.

"When they first unlocked the door and brought her in, I was stunned. I tried to go to her but they pushed me back, roughly…I fell. From where I landed on the floor, I watched them throw her on the ground as if she was a sack of potatoes… The saddest part was that, while she was still conscious at this point, she didn't fight them at all...I don't think she could, thought more for mental reasons, than any physical. I tried to get back to my feet, for what felt like forever… It was not as easy a task as it should have been. I think the sedative's effects were still lingering. I watched them standing over her menacingly…_laughing at the condition she was in_." These memories were so painful. Not being able to do anything about them in the past month, her coping strategy had been to burry them_ deeply_. But now both the Captain,_ and circumstances completely beyond his control_, were forcing her to get her mental shovel out and do some very painful unearthing.

"_They did that to he_r_?_" He practically growled the question. He was looking uncomfortable in his chair…as if he was only barley preventing himself from rising and pacing…or turning the ship around and going back to pummel the men she was describing… Instead, she felt it as his strong grip on her hands increased, as he noticeably tried to focus his energy and concentration internally, instead of acting it out externally, in one of the aforementioned ways.

"Yes. They did…but they didn't stop at that." She confirmed and started to explicate, sadly.

She watched him let out a long breath then. He was still noticeably fighting his rage. He did eventually seem to win the battle…_at least in part_…because when he spoke again…just a single word, _filled_ with meaning, his voice was softer and much more controlled…perhaps too controlled…

_"__What…?"_

There was something about his specific tone. She thought it held a vibration reminiscent of being restrained under such taut control that it could snap and explode at any second…certainly with too much added pressure. And she very much feared that her next words could easily provide that.

"They…they started to kick her…where she was on the ground…they were saying things…taunts mostly. Things I heard but didn't truly process at the time…even when I considered them later…they didn't make much sense…they all make much more now." An extremely uncomfortable amount of sense, actually. But before he could question her further on things she was ready yet ready to discuss, she continued in her retelling of events exactly as they had unfortunately occurred.

"I was still struggling to bloody well get up, to get to her, to help her…to stop them! It wasn't until I actually tried to exert some energy that I realized how prolonged the after effects from that damn sedative really were. But eventually I managed it. I went straight at them, pounced on the man that was the closest to me, one the one that was Alisha's biggest threat. Not exactly being much of a fighter, and also in my reduced state…I was not able to inflict nearly as much harm on the man as I _really_ would have liked to. However, my actions did work well to garner their focus away from Alisha…and on to me." She said the last part in a false bright tone.

"Nothing about that is comforting, Rachel!" Though it wasn't like he hadn't personally experienced her predilection for foolhardy self-sacrifice in the aid of helping others…it was how she had helped rescue Tex and him from Ruskov's clutches. And he supposed _in that case_ it maybe hadn't been quite so foolhardy, _it had worked_… But it that instance there was also a decent plan behind her reckless altruism…it sounded like that wasn't remotely the case back there…

"And yet it's what happened! Do you want the truth or not?" She asked in a moody exasperated tone. The stress of the retelling was indeed getting to her.

"_Continue.._." It was more of a growl than a word, she took it to mean that he did indeed want the truth…he just damn well knew he wasn't going to like it. She could clearly see how distressed he was about every part of this encounter.

She regretted her tone then, he had done nothing but be supportive of her. He had given and given, and she had taken and taken. And even in the wake of his own personal loss he had not complained. Leveling any of her understandable but misdirected temper at him was simply shame inducing.

"I'm sorry, Tom. I didn't mean to snap at you." Her regret was genuine. He was the absolute last person she wanted the results of her own guilt and regret inflicted on. Not only was he a good man who in no way deserved it, she also couldn't stand the thought that she could risk pushing him away. She needed him, in as much of a capacity as he would allow. Even if at arms length, it was an infinitely preferably state, compared to his absence. That thought sent a cold chill of dread running through her.

Tom studied the woman before him. She was truly ashamed to have even lashed out at him in that very small way. And it wasn't even like that had been the first time she had laid into him in any way. His Rachel was no shrinking violet…usually. Truth was, the forced proceedings were emotionally cutting to both of them. He couldn't blame her for acting out, especially in a way that could only really be called _mildly cantankerous_ at best.

Rachel watched as Tom let go of both her hands then. Caught off guard, they fell slackly into her lap. It was then that she started to panic. Was he really upset at her? Enough to not want to offer or take comfort from her anymore? The thought was a miserable one.

Before she could continue in her detrimental ruminations, she felt before she saw, a strong hand come up to caress her cheek. He had the back of his fingers pressed to her exposed skin of the said of her face, his knuckles drawing a trailing path up and down her jaw. Even while still shocked and unsure about what this could mean, she couldn't help her instinctual response to the gesture, and she leaned into the caress as her eyes slid closed gratifyingly.

"Rachel, I'm not angry at you…in _any _way…for _any_thing. Obviously I wish you had both felt able to share these things with me a lot earlier…but anger is still not even close to the emotion I feel in regards to the ill-advised delay."

After he had spoken, he edged closer to her and lifted his other hand to rub the other side of her face, running it from the underside of her jaw to where her neck and shoulder met. His other hand was still in place, gently and comfortingly skimming against the smooth skin of her jawline, her face keenly tilted towards it, leaning into it. The gesture was meant to be entirely comforting…_for her_, but_ he_ couldn't deny the exceedingly pleasurable aspect to touching her bare delicate skin…and watching her react so favorably.

Rachel brought her gaze back around to meet his very slowly, the purpose was to not make him think she was pulling away from his wonderful touch. And it worked, his exquisite knuckles traveled with her, continuing their leisurely roaming path along her jaw, unfettered.

"What do you feel?" She spoke on a breathy whisper.

Tom was pulled out of…_somewhere else_…by her voice. His musing mind had definitely travelled in the short space of time…starting when he had first touched her bare skin. Part of him knew this was not the time to get distracted by such things, but in his defense, it had not been his intent…since when was unbidden attraction and arousal something one could control?

When love was combined with the strong desire to comfort, how could touching not be the result? And when a man touched a woman that he loved, how could arousal not occur?

Wait. Love?

Yeah, he had thought it…

And…as he took an emotional inventory…he realized he also felt it.

Hmm…

That was…well, right now that _just was_. He couldn't even begin to contemplate what he could do about it right now.

What he was contemplating was if this revelation made their current circumstance…their current conversation, better or worse. Easier...or even harder… As he again took inventory of how much difficulty he was having controlling his reaction to her retelling of the cursed events…he thought initially…_it was definitely worse_. Yeah, this was definitely harder…no doubt about it…

As he again forced his attention outwards, he found her staring at him quite oddly… She had asked a question! What was it? Wait, she had asked him _how he felt_. Could she really be asking him about… could she have caught him in his feelings? Even before he had properly figured them out for himself?!

No, no wait, that wasn't it. They had been talking about something else. How long it had taken Rachel to confide in him. He had stated anger was not how he felt about it. That was true. That was what she was talking about…asking about… It wasn't _those kind_ of feeling to which she was enquiring about. When he made the true connection, he was briefly relived, before he realized that he was actually somewhat disappointed…

As he looked at her now, he realized she was still waiting for a response, patiently, but with concern. No doubt regarding the unexplained silence that followed her query. Upon fully realizing his distraction and unplanned pause, he moved to remedy the situation. His hands that had already slowed in their searching paths on her heated skin, withdrew…against their preference. He let them attempted to rub the cobwebs of misdirected concentration from his own face…before he dropped them back in his lap.

"I feel frustrated, helpless, _guilty_…and yes, _very angry_…but that last one is not directed at either you or Alisha in the least." He hoped she understood and believed that.

"We've been over this, Tom, you have nothing to feel guilty about…"

He interrupted… "…and that is just something we are going to have to agree to disagree on." His words were not aggressive, but neither did they give way to argument.

After a pause, in which the pair met each other's eyes unflinchingly, Rachel gave a short nod as she broke their mutual gaze and let hers lower. She would not argue this further at this particular moment…that was all she was agreeing to with her assent. And he was dreaming if he thought her acquiescence meant anything more.

Tom considered her. Her silent agreement had come too fast. He didn't for a second think she was actually was going to stop fighting him on this… and that probably explained the stubborn tilt to her chin at the moment that she had let her eyes leave his.

They were both getting distracted too easily, now that he thought about it…he wondered if it wasn't actually_ both_ of them that were instituting subconscious stall tactics. He knew she really didn't want to talk about this, of course.

And as for him? He _needed_ to know, sure. But, yeah, his subconscious really might not be on the same page and probably was to some degree directing him away from something he really didn't want to have to deal with. Only because it didn't want confirmation that facts were indeed as bad as he now knew they were. A self defense mechanism, but a one that had not served him well in this case. Conformation had already occurred…and likely more was to come, therefore his subconscious could shut the hell up. His conscious mind had some very tough work to do.

Tom leaned forward and reached out to re-grasp Rachel's delicate hands in his. Hands that had been laying listlessly in her lap since he had freed them. He surrounded them in the warmth and strength of his. He took comfort from the connection and he hoped he gave it back to her in turn, because with his next words, and with difficulty, implored her to continue.

_"__Rachel…tell me what happened then…exactly what happened then, exactly what_ they did to both of you. Leave _nothing _out." He silently added a firm _'this time'_ but only to himself. He didn't want to add to her unease with his persistent inquisitions…at least not when more gentle methods would suffice. Luckily it worked and he was not forced to any such lengths.

"As I said, I lost it on them...those two guards that had returned with Alisha. There was only the two of them that had come that that time...not even any others waiting outside. I don't think they believed Alisha was any threat in the state she was in, and the fact was, they seemed a little surprised to find me even awake…" She took a deep breath, a far off look in eyes. She wasn't looking at him or anywhere particular when she continued… Her gaze was fixed on what looked like thin air him, but he knew unpleasant memories were playing in that space for her.

"I got a few punches in…weakly, that's about all I can boast, and I know it's not much. Like I said I know I'm not much of a fighter at the best of times…but with the sedative...it was _far _from the best of times. I was pathetic!" She bit her lip in angsty self-derision remembering how hard she had tried and how completely she had failed.

Tom saw that she still had that pained far off look was in her eyes. His instinct was to bring her back from that place. But he knew he could not. She had to go back there at least this one last time.

"The second guard…he grabbed me from behind and pulled me off the first. He…well he _manhandled _me as much as you would expect from a men working for a regime with no ethics or integrity to speak off." She felt sick remembering the feel of his hands on her body, and now with recent discoveries, that feeling was even further heightened.

Rachel spared a glance at Tom. He wasn't looking at her. He was staring fixatedly down at their joined hands. His grip had increased too…a lot. He was angry. He was trying to hide it. Trying not to react. This was so difficult for him. How she wished she could spare him all of it…

But she couldn't, he wouldn't let her. For him, this couldn't start being over until all was said and out in the open…at least between them. She hoped she understood correctly and that the specifics of her private admissions would not become the talk of the ship... No, of course he wouldn't do that to her. She would go on, she would try to get them to the point where they could move on, but now she knew that it was never actually going to be truly over…

"The second guard who had pulled me off the first and _taken his time_ about restraining me finally actually did. I struggled…a lot…to address your earlier question that was probably where most of the bruises on my arms came from. In fact almost all the injuries you found me with can be explained by the encounter I had with those two guards…you came for us not long after that…"

"So if I'd been quicker I would have spared you that." He deduced, his voice hard.

"You can't look at it that way, Tom! You were severely outnumbered. It is amazing you were able to get to us at all. But you did! Focus on that…please, for me…"

He didn't argue or assent. "What happened next, what did they do to you? What _exactly_, I promise I'll only make you say it once but I need to know."

Rachel returned her gaze to his when she continued. It was hard, avoiding eye contact of any type was her natural instinct at this moment, but she wanted to make sure he was doing alright with what he was insisting on learning.

"One of the guards stood in front of me…leering at me…while the other restrained me…I was so damn weak he could do it with one hand behind by back…the other hand…_roamed_." And again Rachel felt the grip Tom held her hands in, increase with her last word. She decided to go on as if she had not noticed. It was probably better just to get it all out as quickly as possible and then deal with it. So pull the band-aid she did.

"Next they started to assault me…sexually." Ok, now he was going to cut off blood flow to her fingers…

"Tom…" But he interrupted her.

"You told me they didn't…" His voice was hard, now she thought maybe he was angry _at her._

"And they didn't. They didn't get that far…not even close. It was all above the waist stuff…mostly. More was certainly what was on their minds but thinking back, I don't even think they would have taken it that far…"

He lifted his gaze then, to spear her with a hard speculative look.

"I'm serious. The reason I think that, has to do with the things they were saying, the things that didn't make sense then…anyway, when I look back on it now I don't think they were _allowed_ to do what they wanted…though they didn't seem to think that just '_playing_' was going to get them into any trouble..." She finished the last part in revulsion.

Tom couldn't believe he had stayed seated for that. He had so much anger that was roiling inside him right now and it had no release valve. As he once again fixated his gaze on their joined hands, he realized he was holding them far to tightly, that could not be comfortable for her. He carefully reduced the pressure on them until they were again just cradled gently in his.

"Is that all?" Please let it be all.

She wished! It was true that there was not much left of the encounter she was currently recounting. Tom had indeed found them and got them out before too long...and more importantly before too much more could happen. Now that it was getting close she didn't know how she was going to tell him about their recent discoveries… Best just to get this part out of the way, then she would simply have to deal with it. She had no choice.

"Almost, almost... The guards…their 'playtime' did unfortunately go on for a little while. I struggled as much as I could, but I was held fast. I got the facial injuries as a result of daring to fight back…_the little that I even could_… It seems the face is still the favorite target for men who like to his women…he certainly seemed to like it. I got the split lip when he tried to kiss me, and a bit him instead. The eye was a pretty spectacularly painfully backhand after I kneed him in the groin." She laughed a little then, but it was lacking all humor.

Tom's rage was boiling beneath the surface now. He honestly didn't know how he was successfully containing it. Though he did partially know the answer…for her sake.

"Is that all they did to you Rachel? _Be honest with me!_"

"Yes, yes it was, I promise."

"Then what stopped them?"

"Actually I think it was you."

"Me? _How?" _He looked at her in abject confusion.

"They got a call on their radios, sounded urgent and they swore and ran out of there…"

"Why do you think that was me?"

"Because it was only a few minutes later that you and Burke arrived. I think the call must have been them noticing that they had intruder's. Guess we were lucky they didn't decide to do something smart like actually guard their prisoners, instead of just relaying on locks…which you made short work of when you arrived."

She hoped the news would be a comfort to him, but it seemed he took little from it.

"I would have been ok with them sticking around to be taken care of once and for all." He spoke the words on a razor sharp edge. He would have been very ok with it actually. He could happily imagine snapping their necks…and enjoying the task. The only comfort he had for the rest of it was that thankfully Granderson was dead and gone from their lives forever. But Rachel's attackers…they could still be alive, and even immune thanks to the cure she created…everything about that was_ wrong_.

Silence again descended between the pair. Tom waited for the heavy feeling in his chest to lift just a little. He waited for the relief he hoped would come when he at least finally had the facts. But it didn't come. If anything his chest felt heavier, tighter than before.

He regarded Rachel closely then. Worryingly, relieved seemed to be the furthest state from her demeanor too. In fact, the primary impression he was getting from her demeanor was…extreme anxiety. That was a condition that didn't seem to gel with a huge weight being lifted off her chest, even if it had been a difficult one explore.

Studying Rachel further, Tom got a really bad feeling.

"Rachel…is there something**_ else_** you're not telling me."

A very long pause and a very long meaningful look… Which were probably both answers in themselves. But she offered him the courtesy of answering verbally anyway.

"Yes…" She exhaled heavily…miserably?

"There is."

"What is it? What else _can there be_, Rachel?" He asked in genuine distress.

This was another on of those band-aid moment's. Best just to pull it off. She really just wanted to get this over with. Of course, as fate would have it, that was the last thing either her or Alisha were going to be able have.

"Actually, there's unfortunately more than one thing, Tom…but the first, and most immediately relevant is…Alisha is pregnant."

TBC…

A/N: Some of you guessed it, but my plot has not done unraveling quite yet… Let me know what you think. :-)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hi Guys! Sorry I've gone a bit absent recently, had stuff going on, more the emotional drain stuff than the physical time drain stuff that also has a tendency to get in the way of free expressions of creativity. You all know how it is sometimes… Anyway, you're going to want to shoot me but I've actually (again!) had this chapter like 90% done since not long after I posted the last, but again the correct headspace for properly implementing the final touches just eluded me. I did have to take a step back a do a rethink on my writing method for this story after some of the comments I received, but in the end I have decided not to alter my plan. A lot of you seem to like how I am writing this fic, despite the difficult subject matter, and I am very grateful and humbled for all the positive encouragement I have received through reviews. I have received some comments that things are moving too slowly, but at the same time I have received positive feedback on the suspense aspect that I am quite deliberately trying to build. All I can say is that I'm really not sure how to properly do one without the other. This fic is a departure for me and it came about because I really wanted to try something very different and see if I could delve more deeply into the suspenseful aspect of the characters feeling and emotions in a very emotionally fraught situation. So all I can say is I know my method for this fic has been different but I just ask and appreciate those who are hanging in there for the ride with me. I am just learning and experiencing as I go like everyone else. :-)

LSLSLS

_"__What!?" _Ok, that was it. He thought he had done pretty well but there was no way he could stay seated through this now. He was up and moving, pacing back and forth along a short invisible line as he spoke his next question. Her words had been clear enough, but he was still finding it difficult to completely process them.

"Rachel, _please_ tell me I didn't just hear you right."

"I think you already know you did." She followed him with her eyes as he continued to pace agitatedly.

He kept going for several long moments, trying to get the need to move, to act, out of his system. Eventually he stopped and made his way back over to his seat. He sat, deliberately and with no small amount of effort, trying to portray a façade of, if not calm, then at least control.

He was semi successful at it, his jerky movements had at least ceased, that helped a lot to give off the impression that he was not nearly as internally aggravated as she knew he truly was.

_"__How?" _Was his next, still anguish intoned, question.

"I just explained how…"

_"__Rachel..."_ Her name was said in an obvious warning tone. The meaning was clear. He was not remotely in the mood to deal with false obtuseness, especially in this serious matter. Looking at her it was clear she got the message loud and clear. Her shoulders slumped, a look of resignation crossed her features and she began to speak.

"If you mean how did she get pregnant? I have been both questioning that and cursing myself about that for the last two days."

"That was when she found out?" He was unfortunately getting the distinct impression that he was going to have to settle in for the long haul yet again, this confusing situation they now found themselves in did not seem like it had a simple answer. And as he thought that he was reminded of her warning that he was not going to get all the answers, because these two women didn't have them either. He hoped this was not going to be one of those times.

"Yes. She came to me, worried that it could be a possibility. I told her it wasn't! That she couldn't be! Just like I told her at the time. She was on birth control, just like the rest of the woman on this ship are…while it last's that is… But right back at the beginning we clearly identified that it wasn't even the right time anyway…there should have been no risk for her! I told her there wasn't! It was my fault that more foolproof precautions weren't implemented."

"So you advised her against them? Why? We_ do_ have those precautions on this ship for just such unfortunate situations as these…" He'd thankfully never had to authorize the use of them on his ship before, nothing like this had ever happened before…of course now he was forced to add, _that he knew about_.

"No…yes...I mean no, not really. I didn't recommend against it. I didn't, but I told her the truth as I thought it to be. That the risk was virtually nil, but that I would get it for her if she wanted it… However, I unfortunately did have to warn her…given her distress at the prospect… that I had no way of getting what she needed without alerting Dr. Rios…and thus you…to what was going on. And well, you saw what she was like at that prospect a month down the line. I think you can pretty accurately imagine how well she reacted to that prospect back then and what decision she made because of it."

"So this is my fault?" Her fear of him knowing had prevented her from getting the help she needed.

"Tom, this is Amy Granderson and the inhuman swine that helped her to do this to her's fault. You knew nothing. You_ cannot _be at fault in this. I, on the other hand _did_ know, and clearly could have handled things a lot better."

She was angry at herself for her part in this, that was clear. Tom didn't want her to take the blame for this either. This was a highly fraught situation form the start. One that they were always doomed to never handle perfectly, because such a thing wasn't possible.

"It sounds like you gave her the facts and her options as you saw them a the time, Rachel. She made her own decisions…you just respected them." He didn't have to add that the he really wished she hadn't, he didn't need too.

Once again silence reigned for a time. Both lost in painful contemplation of the worse kind…the 'what if's'. Tom was the first to break the silence, his contemplations making him so angry the dam to his silence burst abruptly.

"Goddammit! I just can't get over the fact that it was her _Mother! Her own Mother _who was the one in charge! Do you think she knew about this? That she had any direct hand in it? Surely _this_ would have been going to far _even for_ _her_…

"Unfortunately it does not seem so. That was one thing that Alisha was pretty clear on in her somewhat abbreviated retelling of events to me. The…_man_…in question spoke to her…it was probably more like gloating… But he told her that Mrs. Granderson herself selected him for her. Apparently from the way he spoke it was supposedly some kind of honor…"

This was all too much for Tom. _"But why on earth? How is something like that even possible for a__** mother**__…"_

Rachel contemplated the anguished man before her. She understood his shock and disbelieve. She would have had trouble reconciling events herself…if she hadn't lived them…was still living them. Rachel disagreed with none of Tom's sentiments. But the extra time to absorb the facts as they stood had infused her to a kind of numbness to them. A defense mechanism she supposed…

"I honestly don't know for certain, Tom. Probably all we are ever going to be able to do is speculate as to her true motives. Personally, I think she was playing physiological games with both of us, and that the events of that night were her first move. One of her obvious goals with me would have been to get me under her control to force me to make the vaccine." Not that it would have ever worked, she added silently…but still stubbornly.

"Her motives in regard to Alisha are a lot less clear…I obviously can't imagine she was trying to foster a closer mother daughter relationship. My best guess…_with recent developments_…is that she had already written Alisha off…but was still happy to use her for achieve her own ends."

Tom was looking at her weird now, obviously confused but curious as to what the hell those ends could have possible been. One trauma at a time. Rachel pressed ahead before he could utter the query that was clearly on his lips.

"There is something else…I very much hate to say it, but I think that Alisha's _orientation_, something that…_Surprise surprise_…her mother rather heavily disapproved of, quite likely contributed to what happened…and especially _the way_ it happened."

She could tell by his face that he either wasn't quite following her…or maybe he just hoped he wasn't following her. She proceeded to explain.

"It's called corrective rape…terrible term that it is. It is when someone is deliberately assaulted by a person of a gender contrary to his or her orientation...for the _reason_ of that contrary orientation. I unfortunately saw, and heard about, a lot of it when I worked in Africa."

"_Goddamn it!..._And her own _mother_ had that done to her_? Deliberately?!" _Words just couldn't convey his true outrage. He was very much fighting that urge to pace again.

"Like I said, I have not proof, nor any way of ever truly knowing for certain. But based on the horrific facts we do know, it seems a likely possibility. And that is exactly what I think Alisha has most been most struggling with these last weeks. She's a solider, and a good one. I think if something like this had unfortunately happened in more predictable in the line of duty circumstances, I don't think she would have been hit nearly as hard. Deeply affected, yes; rendered completely emotionally incapacitated, no. It was her mother's part in all this that has caused this severe reaction. For her very personal betrayal and assault…and for everything else the woman was responsible for…I mean let's face it, finding out your own flesh and blood is this generation's Hitler is probably plenty to push a person over the edge all by itself…and to say that that revelation was even further compounded would be an understatement. It's just been too much for Alisha to process…. And I think that could be held true for anyone one of us if we were in her uniquely tragic situation."

Tom considered what said, it was unfortunately all too true. Of course it wasn't like he had been making judgments about the young lieutenant's handling of this…even before he knew how bad the situation really was for her personally. But now he realized it might be a very long time before they got the bright young woman they all knew before all this back…if they ever did at all.

But still left on the table between them were the 'how's' and the _'what the hell now's'._

"Rachel, do you not have any thoughts on how she could have been left in this situation…against such odds? Were you wrong about anything you told her? About the odds? With the benefit of hindsight did you make a mistake that explains this…" He had to ask the question. Based on his own experience with her as a doctor, he thought it was pretty damn unlikely that this was the result of her mistake. She was the one that got things right…when everyone else was getting them wrong. He didn't need to offer examples for his case, they were notable and numerous.

"Again, yes and no, obviously the chances of her getting pregnant _were not nil…evidently. _But I didn't have the information to know that at the time, no one did…well no one on this ship anyway."

"What do you mean?"

Rachel took a deep steadying breath. Gathering ever shred of her nerve that still stayed with her after this fraught conversation. Where was his silent offer of physical support when she needed it? She knew where. He was having enough trouble just calming himself, let alone her.

But this was it. With what she had to tell him now, there was a bloody high chance of his analytical mind making a correct connection and asking an uncomfortably insightful question of her…and she was dreading it.

"As I said, I have been racking my brain for the last two days, about how this could have happened, about how I could have got it so wrong. And well…now…after further development and consideration, I am fairly sure the answer must be that mystery injection that Alisha received. We didn't know what it was at the time. But it would have had to have a purpose. That is for sure. There was nothing that Amy Granderson did without a specific end goal in mind…and I now think that her specific end goal _was_ for Alisha to get pregnant. I think that was the main goal all along. I believe the contents of that syringe was a highly effective fertility drug. I have never before seen or heard of anything like it, nothing that is so very effective and _so very fast acting_…but it is the only explanation that I think makes sense at this stage."

She could see he was considering her words…too well. Possibly making deductions she wasn't ready for him to make yet…perhaps ever. She continued hurriedly before he could interrupt. She wanted to explain what she could before Tom had the chance to force their conversation to take a different, and more personal, direction.

"It does make some sense when you think about it. It wasn't like they could have whipped up what ever that drug was out of nothing, especially given the global circumstances. But that lab they commandeered, it was a medical research lab, this stuff could have been just sitting there for them to find. A lot of people don't realize that not even a fraction of the drugs that are developed annually ever actually reach the market. They have to go through a massive amount of rigorous quality and safety checks, it takes a long time and many still don't make the cut. I can only imagine that this drug was probably one of them. If that's the case I can certainly see why the scientist kept it around, kept trying to perfect it, it's obviously very effective at its main purpose…I can only hope that whatever reason it was probably rejected was not, either too bad or too common a side effect…for Alicia's sake."

"_And yours_." His rough voice interrupted in a hard and meaningful tone.

"Sorry?" She tried confusion to answer him, more out of panic then any actually decision to be so pointlessly obtuse.

"For _your _sake _too_. _You_ told you were given than drug_ too_. _Both _of you were."

He annunciated each word clearly, particular inflection on those that referenced her. The meaning behind the action was clear also, it was_ her_ he wanted to know about. His face was hard and yet she could see the cracks in its façade that threatened to expose the true feelings he held underneath. They seemed to be being held back by the thinnest of masks. She felt sure anger was one of them, anger at her too. It scared her a little, she knew he would never hurt her, but he _could_ think less of her…and that was something that scared her more than anything.

"Umm…" She knew what he was saying; she just couldn't find the words to respond.

"Rachel, you're not being completely honest with me again…" He spoke in a warning tone comprised of solid steel.

"I am..." She spoke defensively and in a rush. He interrupted her.

"You're not openly lying to my face, Rachel. That's not the same as being completely honest…_which is what you promised me_." He had modified his tone a little, but his unwillingness to accept anything but brutal honesty from her was still painfully clear.

Silence. Guilt. Resignation…

"Yes, yes, I know." She spoke softly, eyes downcast.

Tom looked at her then, really looked at her. Yes, there was more… Yes, it involved her… And if it also involved her being injected with the fertility drug...

No, it couldn't be. She had absolutely sworn to him that nothing like that had happened to her. Even if she had been given the drug…it wouldn't have had _that_ affect without…_other_ ingredients.

Of course if Rachel superstition about the drug was correct, the very fact she had been given it in the first place, indicated pretty strongly that Granderson did plan too… But she couldn't have, she didn't have time. Rachel had sworn it, and she_ wouldn't_ lie to his face like that… Omit, yes. Lie, no. At least he hoped… Though he was struggling to think of other explanations for her current state.

Ok, Tom thought, the time was now. If left to her own devices she could stall this forever…weather she intended too or not. Tom sat forward again in his chair, and once again reached forward to take her hands, he held them carefully and reverently in each of his and with a mustered façade of calm, that he absolutely did not actually feel, he spoke.

"Rachel, what is it? There is clearly something more. It is clearly big, and it clearly involves you, specifically, _you_. Tell me what it is, just say it…_please_."

The man could read her so well. Of course it would have been impossible for his sharp mind to miss the clues…she would bet the truth had already occurred to him…he just didn't want to face it. And without _all_ the facts…something _even she_ was missing, something she hoped he actually believed…. he could have easily discounted his theories as ones that could not possibly be true. But they unfortunately were… She took a deep breath in, let it out slowly, met his eyes solemnly…and told him the stark truth.

"I'm pregnant too…"

TBC

A/N: No, I'm not actually trying to kill anyone (you know who you are ;-P ) The next chapter is almost done, will endeavor to post within the next couple of days.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: See! I promised I wouldn't make you wait too long. I hope you guys like. :-D

LSLSLS

That shocked him speechless, he simply couldn't have heard her right. It was impossible, she said…_she had promised him_…that she hadn't been…

_"__You're pregnant?"_

"Yes."

"_Just like Alisha_?"

"Yes."

"But…**_how!?_** You _swore _you weren't..."

"And I told you the truth." She maintained stalwartly.

He assimilated that information. All of it. She was pregnant. _She was pregnant. Rachel _was pregnant_…as well! _He couldn't help the natural response to cast his gaze towards the midsection of her thin…_probably far too thin_…body. There was certainly no sign of the condition she claimed, not that he had truly expected to see visual evidence of it at this point.

Even the notion of her apparent condition was unbelievable to him. He tried to focus on the facts, the few of them she had provided him with. And they quite simply didn't make any sense. If her…_condition_…was not the result of the same despicable act that Alisha's was…did that mean it was entirely separate from it? The timing seemed to cast heavy doubt on that possibly…but what was the alternative? She either _was_ outright lying to him or…what?

"Rachel, **_are_** you telling me the truth? **_Really?!" _**He stressed his question with desolate resolve.

"Yes. I promise." Again, she was firm in her response, if also rather subdued.

"**_Then how are you pregnant, Rachel?!_** Am I wrong about the timing of this seeming to rule out more normal methods of conception? **_Did_** this happen naturally, and more importantly, _consentingly_? And **_not _**in Baltimore? I would very much like it if you could tell me that, Rachel." It was true, he would _very much_ like to rule out Granderson and Baltimore as having any involvement in her alleged condition, as unlikely as it seemed. In fact clutching at straws was probably the best description for what he was doing right now.

However, it was a obviously a vastly preferable option if she_ could_ tell him that her baby…_she was having a __**baby**_…was conceived because she had chosen to make love with a man…_but it also would mean that the man she had chosen wasn't him_. That was the thought that struck him like a lightning bolt, and as self-centered and disloyal as he knew it was, _especially at this particular moment_, he couldn't help but think it. Couldn't prevent the stab of jealousy that bit into his chest.

"Umm…I'm afraid I can't." She admitted quietly, eyes lowered with embarrassment.

Yeah, he didn't think so. Damn.

"Then_ how_, Rachel….just…**_how_**?" He was pretty sure that question had come out as more of an anguished and frustrated moan than anything else. Waiting for her reply he took interest in her small hands that he still held in his…they were so small and delicate, the difference seemed particularly marked when held in contrast to his. Everything about her was smaller…she seemed so fragile right now and in recent weeks…previously to this horrible time her bravado had been enough to make him easily forget her smaller physical statue… But he was reminded of it undeniably now…and she was carrying _a baby_… Which brought him right back to his question of _how… _He looked up at her, his eyes searching, pleading…

Rachel took pity on him, the look on his handsome face was so anguished, and she was the cause. She had never wanted to be the cause of his pain…yet now she knew she was. She barely held back a sob as she answered his plea.

"Tom, I didn't lie to you when I said I didn't think anything like that had happened back then… It was what I believed until _this morning_ for crying out loud! But the test I ran three times doesn't lie…clearly _something _happened…and Baltimore is the only explanation."

Her words were softly spoken and in a tone that made his heart break. But still he fought against their apparent truth.

"You _really_ don't know more than that? About how this could have happened? There are really no other options that you remember that could explain this?!" He sounded skeptical. She could understand that. She'd be skeptical herself if she hadn't lived it…_or rather__** not**__ lived it_…consciously at least.

"I told you, I don't consciously remember anything happening that came remotely close to getting me in this condition. Which it why I'm left with assuming it happened when I was _unconscious_…which I was…for unexplained reasons. Well, I guess they are explained now…"

"You think you were…w_hile you were out_?" He still couldn't say it. He was disgusted. Absolutely and wretchedly disgusted. He held her delicate hands tighter in his strong grasp. Leaning toward her and down, eyes squeezed shut and features set, he brought her hands up to just touch his forehead in a gesture that spoke of both despair and longing…longing to give support, to make this hostile reality go away through sheer force of will alone.

A tear escaped Rachel's left eye and traversed a path down her cheek as she watched and experienced the gesture. For herself she could hold it together, but her heart wrenched and her soul pained like it was tearing in two when she saw that level of grief and despair in him. Pain she had been the one to lay squarely at his feet…her heart clenched.

Rachel deliberately pulled herself together as much as she was able, and continued on. She hoped she could provide him with some small measure of consolation with her next words.

"The only explanation is that it happened then yes, especially since I had been given the drug at the same time as Alisha and whatever happened to me would have happened at the same time as her assault—."

"You say that like you don't think you were assaulted too!" Which made _no_ sense!

"Well, not in the same way I wasn't, I couldn't have been! Come one! I can barely believe that I didn't feel any difference after I had clearly, at the very least, had a gynecological procedure preformed on me. The idea that anything _more _happened and that I couldn't tell is just too preposterous for words."

He was silent for several moments, considering both her and her words. There joined hands once again rested between them, his full attention on her.

_"__You're sure about that?"_ Even if she was telling the truth now, and was right, it was at best only partial comfort. Regardless of what she said, she could not have gotten pregnant without being assaulted in some way. This was done without her consent…_however it was done_.

"Absolutely." She nodded her head in an emphatic manner, hoping to convince him of this one truth.

"So what the hell did they do?"

Still his tone was laced with fervor of the worrisome kind, but otherwise he seemed to be making a concerted effort to appear as relaxed as possible, for her sake she imagined.

"Artificial insemination…it had to have been. That or IVF, and then maybe the egg they implanted wasn't even mine! But IVF has an even lower chance of taking hold after a procedure, and considering what happened to Alicia… I don't think that's likely. What I'm thinking is that what they did were two different methods of achieving the same end."

"And that end was to get you _both_ pregnant?" He needed to say it out loud in order to process it properly…it just seemed too absurd…too crazy. But then crazy is exactly what Amy Granderson was…plus a few other choice words.

"Evidently. She sure went to some lengths to accomplish the goal…and fast."

"Do you have a theory as to _why_?" All the options just seemed too bizarre ...not to mention morally horrific.

"Well as I said, I imagine her goal's were different for each of us. With me she wanted my cooperation for making the vaccine. It's still a common phenomenon amongst modern day slave traders to make woman bear children and then bargain their safety for their mother's cooperation. Admittedly, that's a pretty long-term plan…in some ways it's hard to believe she went straight to that in such a short amount of time, but considering her complete lack of ethics, and my resolute stubbornness on the matter, it's probably not such a stretch."

Tom considered her words. The theory did make some sense. A detestable amount of sense. Before he could even get his internal roiling anger to subside enough to respond to that, she went on.

"Of course while that could easily have been part of her plan, and part of the reason for her rush, there could be other just as detestable reasons."

_"__Like?"_ He couldn't even begin too…

"Well, she was trying to save the best and brightest, right? While obviously she translated that aim into basically culling a large percentage of the population, even she couldn't have been obtuse to the fact that her _contingency_ didn't leave her with very many people left…" She left the sentence hanging. He was smart, she would bet he would guess exactly where she was going with this.

"You don't think it was just you and Alisha she did this to…" He spoke as he made the realization.

"No, I don't. Not only does it again make sense based on the facts we do know, it makes sense that she would need to! Her plan was entirely unviable…but a breeding program would buy her time. Fast forward a couple of generations and I bet her select braniac genes would probably have produced the biggest generation of idiots there ever was…genetic diversity is the first and foremost key to well developed offspring, both physically and intellectually…something she was categorically doing away with. But the point is _she_ believed in her crazy plan…and given what else she did, is it such a stretch to think she did this?"

He thought about that, he didn't need long.

"No, it's not…unfortunately."

"It also makes sense combined with what I remember my attackers saying, like I said it made little to no sense at the time…I didn't have context…but the pieces are coming much more fully together now. Mainly since this morning…the confirmation that I am in this condition too made it abundantly clear that, not only was I…_messed with_… as well, it was also clearly done with exactly this result in mind. The odds of both of us getting pregnant in these circumstances…minus this drug to deliberately make it happen….are just to remote for words. Coming to that realization and having it proved, made most everything else, at least come close, to falling into place.

"What did they say?" He had caught that and he wasn't letting go of it this time.

"Sorry?"

"The…_men_…who attacked you, what did they say?" 'Men' was not the right word for such cowardly and morally decrepit individuals.

"Oh, that." She didn't look like she wanted to repeat or go back to that incident at all, but she proceeded to…for him.

"One of them said that 'He wished he had been chosen for…' Well, let's just say he referred to Alicia in a derogatory fashion. That gels with what Alicia told me her attacker said… Of course what we didn't know then was the true purpose of what her mother had arranged…what we do know now is that she went out of her way to be cruel about it…instead of simply implementing the same methods she did on me. The woman's hate and madness must have run deep…"

He couldn't deny her words, they made sense given the horrible things that they knew to be facts…but they still made him sick.

"They must have said more than that." There must be more she was basing this on…

"Yes, one of the guards who…assaulted me…_while_ he was assaulting me, he said that 'he wished they'd done me the old fashioned way, then he would have thrown his hat in the ring.' Like I said, I didn't get it at the time, even when I thought about it along those lines… I figured they might have had those plans for me as well, based on what he said and what happened to Alicia… But I thought we had gotten out before anything else could happen to either of us. I just didn't put it together until I was forced to accept the possibility that I could be…as well… Knowing that, having it confirmed, it makes those few words make a whole lot of utterly disgusting sense. Don't you agree?"

He looked at her and after a moment, more grunted than actually agreed. She was discussing this too calmly for his liking. When she was talking about Alicia she was all serious and sad. When she was talking about her own horrific treatment and violations, she was treating it like another day at the office...albeit a rather depressing one. But they had had a lot of those in recent times, so basically same ole same ole. And he didn't like it at all. But Tom decided to move off that thought for now, he would certainly be returning to it, if she continued to treat her own welfare so lightly.

"What about Alicia? What do you think Granderson's end game in regards to her was? You already said why you think that particular method was chosen…and it's sickening…but why do you think she put her through it at all?" He did have a fairly good…_and sickening_…idea, but he wanted to know if Rachel was on the same page as him first.

"Quite simply to continue her genetic line, that's the most logical explanation, if you discount all ethical quandaries with the plan, which of course you have to with that woman, given her complete lack of adherence to them. Alicia is an only child. Amy Granderson was long past a time when she could have had children herself. And she was trying to save the best right? I hardly think she discounted herself from that category. Quite the contrary, she may have gone to these obscene lengths just to assure her _obviously eminently superior_ genetics survived. Course, we never got to see her true and complete end game…_obviously not a great loss there_...but that's my theory."

It had been his too, they unfortunately agreed and this harsh viewpoint was the most likely truth. "Then she accomplished her goal…her daughter is pregnant."

Rachel's expression showed clear concern and skepticism at that.

"Well, I don't know, Tom. There's a potentially a very large difference between getting pregnant and having a baby. A pretty significant difference in Alicia's case. Tom, I'm not exaggerating, she is _absolutely desolate_ at this prospect…you saw her… And I'm telling you, she was holding back in front of you. This marks even more control yanked from her grasp, another evil that the woman that should have been the one to protect her has laid upon her…from the grave this time! But personally I'd prefer to give Alicia some more time and talk to her some more before we get into the wills or won't, and more importantly the '_how's_' of that likelihood. At the moment she is just inconsolable about this…and she never actually made any real progress in dealing with everything else that happened in Baltimore to start with. So to say this discovery has rubbed salt in the wound would be putting it mildly."

Tom took everything she said onboard solemnly, and he also remembered something then.

"What were you arguing about? When I first walked in, you were arguing…or at least it looked like you were having a pretty heated conversation. I think I now have a pretty good idea of the what the basics would have been about, but what specifically had her so upset?"

"Exactly what I already told you. She wants me to 'fix' this right now, yesterday even…I was trying to explain it wasn't that simple…"

"You won't do it?" That surprised him, given the circumstances…

"I wasn't pulling a moral argument on a rape victim, _Captain_! Especially in this extreme situation! I can't believe you would even think that…" She was clearly upset with him now, once again it was for Alisha's situation and defense that she showed deep emotions, not her own. Before he could move to placate and reassure her, she continued to explain her position.

"Firstly, it is Alisha's wellbeing that is my primary concern at all times in this and Secondly, I _literally_ can't do it! I have no means available to me here that will…_provide the desired effect_… without seriously endangering her life. And _that_ is what I was refusing to do."

"Ok, ok, your right I'm sorry." He was genuinely contrite, he hadn't meant it accuse or insinuate anything negative about her handling of this, but he could freely admit that he hadn't handled the subject very well either.

"Tom, even if that wasn't the case, I would still like her to wait more then _a minute_ to think about things, this was what she demanded the very moment she found out. And as you can see, she hasn't wavered in that request."

"You expect her to?" He was skeptical.

"No, no…not at all." She was resigned.

Tom considered her carefully. There was no doubt that they were left in an extremely difficult situation in regards to Alisha. But he couldn't prevent his minds focus from attaching to the woman he was truly worried for…on a far more personal level. He was nervous as to how she would react to his next query, for reasons too numerous to count, but chief amongst them was probably the fact that he didn't even know what he wanted her answer to be. All possibilities seemed fraught with emotional peril. Just like Alisha…

"What about you?"

"What about me?" She crossed her arms across her chest in a gesture of protectiveness…and rebelliousness.

"You know what. What are you planning on doing about_ your_ condition, Rachel?"

She quite noticeably regarded him then, and for several long moments. He would swear that something heavily meaningful definitely passed over her eyes before being hidden from him again. When she did reply to his question, her expression and tone conveyed that she thought she was explaining the obvious to a very small child. "I'm pregnant. I will be having a baby I guess."

"That's your decision?" He disregarded her tone and moved on to his surprise. He would have expected her to rail against this, maybe not as much as Alicia, but still a lot.

"Weren't you listening? I don't have a decision in this, not any realistic one."

"Rachel, I don't want you doing this only because you were forced! Either of you..."

"Well it's a bit late, Tom, that ship had sailed." For the first time, Tom heard her speak with a clear bitterness in her tone. A bitterness, which must be a lot closer to her true, if buried, feelings about her captivity and subsequent assault…_assaults, _he internally corrected himself with disquiet. She had let her true feelings slip out just a little…but he needed her to let them be unearthed completely. He couldn't let her keep bottling this up. He was responsible for her welfare…and he had been the one to fail her so completely. The least that was his responsibility now was to do everything in his power to see these events did not haunt her the rest of her life.

And all of this was without even getting into how he felt about this. How he felt about it on a _personal level_. He had finally realized that the feelings he had for her were far more than could be ignored, as evidence by how hard he had been trying to ignore them, both before his wife's loss and after, and how completely he had failed at the task. He was ashamed at his soul's betrayal. It was too soon. But in many ways it also felt so long. He had not touched a woman in so very long and he yearned to…the woman sitting in front of him actually.

That caused another rushed of guilt to course through him. It should be his wife's touch he was missing…and he was…but something had changed and while one woman he desired was fading in his memory…another was burning bright and brilliant…and hurting. It made him want to hold her all the tighter and never let go.

TBC

A/N: Ok, I'm actually really excited! We're going to start moving on in this story to other people finding out and their reactions. Next up, Tom and Mike talk… Let me know what you think of this chapter. It's great to hear from you guys. :-D


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I just want to send a big shout out thank you to Pandora576 for the amazing vid she created for this fic! Search 'Tom/Rachel - Little Do You Know' on YouTube to watch it and I highly recommend everyone does! She did an amazing job and the song is just so absolutely perfect for this fic. Pandora, thank you so much! :-D

LSLSLS

Tom collapsed down on the couch in his office with a heavy sigh that seemed to reverberate through his whole body. He was weary to his very bones, even at this still early hour. He had just returned from Rachel's lab. They had talked a little more before he had made his leave, at her behest. She had claimed she had work she needed to get back to, that she had left unattended to long. He knew it wouldn't have been a complete lie. Knew she had been squeezing the ship's production capacity for every drop of the cure she could make while still onboard, ever since Baltimore had turned out to be such a vast disappointment for them in that department. And they had fast become so very hesitant to trust anyone they met on land or sea in this new world.

But he also could see how emotionally drained she was after the conversation…and the admissions, that he had forced upon her. He hadn't wanted to leave her in such a fragile state, but at her insistence that they both had work to get on with, he had been forced to respect her wishes.

More needed to be said, but he would give her time, he would give both of them some time, just not too much. It probably wouldn't be a bad idea if he gave himself a little time to adjust to this new and fraught situation either, it was still only just this side of utterly unbelievable. And his mind was still playing catch up with the new fate that was their current reality.

He had not got much else out of her before he left, nothing except specific clinical answer to his questions. What he had really wanted was for her to open up to him on a personal level on what she really felt, what she really wanted. Because if it was in his power he would do it. Anything.

He already had a fair idea of what did need to be their next step, not that he was looking forward to it. But move ahead they must, he had let his anxiety for his people's safety cause him to be overly cautious in the continuation of their mission after Baltimore, but continue it must. Someone was already paying the price for the time he had wasted…maybe two someone's, only time would tell.

Tom was slumped on the couch, his head leaning back against the wall, his eyes closed, his mind and body feeling eminently heavy and weighted down under the breadth of contemplations to previously unknown and very undesirable knowledge, when he heard a sharp short knock on his office door.

Tom knew who it would be. Not many people knocked on his office door uninvited…if you disregarded civilians there were only two, but his money was on Mike. He had known he was going down to the lab to see how Dr. Scott was getting on, and he knew he wasn't only talking about how she was going with the vaccine production. The clear distress both woman had been impotently trying to hide from them had been a constant source of worried speculation between the two of them from the get. While he had not been planning on hurrying the timing of this conversation, now that it had arrived anyway, he knew he would have to share what he had learned. Knew he had to bring at least one other person out of the dark to help him deal with this properly.

"Come." He called with as strong a tone as he could muster on his dwindling energy reserves of the day.

If was enough, the door opened and shut and again, and as he predicted it was Mike that sat before him when he finally mustered the energy to lift his head and open his eyes.

"Christ, you look like you've just come off the battlefield. There an emergency in engineering that for some reason required you to stick your hand in another fuse box that I didn't hear about?"

"Not engineering…the lab. And it was more of an emotional battlefield." He was still reticent to delve into it all any further. After just going through and learning it all for himself, he was not enthralled with the idea of immediately going through and getting into it all again. But here they were. Another thought struck him then.

"Did you need something?" While he could admit that he was entirely preoccupied with what he had learned that day, he did just remember that he was supposed to be commanding a ship. His XO's visit to his office could easily have been for official reasons, he belatedly realized.

"No, nothing to report on that front. A crewman who just reported for duty on the bridge said he saw you come in here. I wondered how it had gone with the Doc…you were down there awhile." That was the most surreptitious way he knew of to ask _what the hell was going on_.

Not bad if he did say so himself, it wasn't like politics and being politically correct at all times was his strong suite, it was one of the many reason he was the XO and Tom was the Captain. Still he knew his newfound diplomacy would fizzle out pretty quick if he didn't get the answers that were grating on him pretty damn quick.

Tom had learned something, that was clear, and he wanted to be read in. He was at his wits end churning over what the hell had happened to those women back in Baltimore. The Doc had lost her spark and Lieutenant Granderson just wasn't the same person anymore. Obviously terrible things had happened, there was no denying it. But hell, instead of starting to move ahead, it looked they were both damn well getting worse. Tom making the same judgments was a large part of what had prompted his impromptu visit to the doc this morning, he was sure of it.

Now that he thought about it there was one, still slightly related, matter he should mention.

"Actually there is one thing I should probaly check, you authorized Dr. Scott to remove Lt. Foster from her post in CIC today, correct?"

Tom let out a weary humorless laugh at the question. Eventually he answered. "Let's pretend I did. I did know about it in real time at any rate."

Mike studied the other man, there was a story there. But if Tom said leave it, he could leave it. He was far more curious about other things anyway, and he knew that Tom knew it too, so he waited. He didn't have to wait long.

"I found out what happened to them. What _really _happened to them. All of it. It's bad."

"Can't be worse than what I've been imagining looking at both of them, especially the Lieutenant."

Well, Tom knew it very much could be. It had even been worse than his imaginings, and none of them had been going in any rosy directions. Taking inventory, Tom decided it was better to pull this Band-Aid off fast.

"Best guess, based on the intel we have now, is that Granderson was running a breeding program, in conjunction with her extermination camp. She wasn't just killing those she deemed unworthy of living, she was also forcing those she did deem worthy, _intellectually, _to reproduce."

Mike's face only showed sheer shock for the first millisecond after Tom shared the immense revelation, but pure unadulterated anger soon replaced it.

"Goddamn it!..." He paused then, he was using the time to valiantly try to get his roiling emotions and anger under control, but he also didn't have a clue what to say at this particular point. This revelation…and its implications, were just too massive absorb quickly. He eventually took the seat opposite his friend, took another deep breath and responded.

"I stand corrected, it's worse then I was thinking. So does this mean both of them were…?" The question was clear if left unfinished, His face was red with what he was still holding back.

Tom wished he could put his friends mind at ease with his answer, at least in that regard, but unfortunately the news was mixed.

"Rachel thinks that artificial insemination was the probably the standard practice...it's what she thinks they used on her. But apparently Granderson had a point to make to her daughter…you know her orientation?" At Mike's confused but positive nod he continued. "She had one of her men assault the Alisha instead."

Again shock, silence and a stare of disbelief were his initial reactions to the terrible facts he was being read in on, but again anger came hot on its heels, and burning even redder than before.

"_Goddammit!_ Ok, it's _defiantly_ worse than I was imagining. _How is that even possible…_? Her own _daughter!?"_

"You're not the only one asking that question, Mike. Thing is, we are probably never going to get the answers we want now."

Mike made some kind of noise, of acknowledgement or an agreement, Tom wasn't sure. Shock was still the overriding emotion playing on his features…but as he watched, it gradually lost its place in first, a deep burning rage overtaking it. Tom could understand the feeling. He also knew it wasn't going to get better when his XO realized what he already had…that there wasn't a damn thing they could do about it now.

"That evil bitch, I tell you if the woman wasn't already dead…" That sentence didn't need to be finished either. They both knew. They both agreed.

"I'm right there with you, Mike."

There was silence for several moments. Tom knew what Mike must be psyching himself up to ask about. Tom knew he couldn't share what he had and not have the coming question as the first one on the other man's lips…after shock and anger of course. Although Tom knew the question, he waited for his friend to ask it, as a sign he was somewhere close to being ready to hear the answer.

"So they're not…? Are they?" Again, it seemed finishing emotionally trying sentences was not in anyone's wheelhouse today. Not that it mattered, they were usually emotive enough that their entire meaning could be communicated in a few short syllables.

Tom let out a long resigned sigh and uttered the dreaded confirmation. "Yeah."

"_Both of them_?" Disbelief.

"Yeah." Tom said again. Again he could predict what would be the next question…again, after the shock and anger of course…after all, he had held the same confusion.

"Hell…this really isn't going away anytime soon, is it? Not that I thought that was very likely looking at the Lieutenant's progress since we got out of that hell hole. But how the hell is this even possible? Both of them get knocked up? That bitch had them for less than twenty-four hours! I'm no Gyny but I had a wife and kids. I was under the impression it took a lot more time than that? What the hell are the odds that what they did would take with both of them in such a short time?"

"According to Rachel, especially given her, and I'm quoting here '_advanced maternal age' _and the fact that the Lieutenant, like all active service woman, was on birth control…the odds were somewhere below 2%...optimistically."

"_So?_… Do we have a theory on what the hell changed that figure? The explanation we're going with can't be that _both of them_ just got spectacularly unlucky?"

Tom sighed, suppressing the urge to put the other man off a more complete explanation till a slightly later time. The impact of going over this yet again in as many hours was taking its toll on him, but he couldn't to that, not for Mike, for him, or for these two women involved. It wasn't like time was really going to prepare him for this any better and actions had to start being taken, and for that a certain level of disclosure, at least amongst this ships leaders, was required.

"No, it's not. Apparently they were both injected with something, an unknown agent that seemed to have no effect at the time, when they were first detained. Looking back now it is evidence of how very premeditated the actions Granderson took really were. They didn't have a clue what was in the syringes, not then or later. But looking back now, after recent developments, finding out about _both_ of their conditions, some pretty damn powerful fertility booster seems the only logical explanation…according to Rachel."

Mike processed that. He didn't have a clue how a drug could do something like that so fast, but then he wasn't a doctor. Better to focus on the parts of this he did have a chance to wrap his head around.

"Have they only just found out? Is that why this has all finally come to light now?"

"Yeah, the Lieutenant a few days, Rachel even less."

"Are they both sure it happened then? I mean I guess the Lieutenant is…but what about Dr. Scott? She's sure there are no other…_explanations_?" He asked in a falsely optimistic voice. He really hadn't been expecting a situation to arise today that would requite him discussing the Doc's sex life with Tom, but here they were! Mike wasn't blind; he could see the way his near counterpart looked at the admittedly pretty amazing and easily desirable woman down in their helo bay. And it had first started long before they had learned that Darien had fallen to the virus too…that was probably a large reason for his continued tense restraint. Tom was a man of honor and when he thought he had failed in the high standard he set for himself, he wore the resulting guilt like a form of self-flagellation.

At a later date he would have to strongly communicate to the other man the difference between thinking and acting. And Mike would bet any money that there had been no acting. Not a chance, nope this continuing forced resistance to a connection with another human being he craved, was simply a self punishment for the perceived betrayal of his mind…not his body.

Tom gave him a hard and enquiring eyebrow raised look that clearly said '_You're going there? Really_? Only a Captain could successfully pull off that look to an XO. But he did choose to answer. "Yeah, Mike, she's sure. No other _explanations_."

"Sorry. But you got to admit fraternization would be a whole lot better answer to this…besides, how you so sure about that? You asked her the same thing, didn't you?" And he would bet Tom had not liked the idea at all, regardless of it being a far more palatable explanation for the Doc's current condition.

A silent staring match was held, before Tom changed the subject, and Mike had his answer.

"Needless to say neither of them are taking the news particularly well."

"I can imagine." Understatement.

"The Lieutenant a lot worse, _a lot worse_. Given the very personal role her mother played in events, I don't think any of us can truly even imagine how bad this is for her…and I don't know what we can do about it. But Rachel's reaction is worrying me too, it's like she's just skipped over the natural anger part of this and is now just worryingly accepting."

"Well, she's had the time since Baltimore to come to grips with what happened to her…"

"That's just it, she hasn't! Rachel didn't even know that they did this to her until she found out she was pregnant too…this morning! She didn't have a clue this could be coming. She was apparently rendered unconscious at the same time they took the Lieutenant away for…_for what was too happen_." He couldn't say the words or stop himself from gritting his teeth as he said their replacements. He forced himself to calm as he continued.

"But the point is she woke up in the same place, fully clothed, she didn't know anything of the same nature as the Lieutenant had happened to her until her own positive test came back, or so she steadfastly claims. Not until after the Lieutenant tested positive, did she realize she had symptoms too, and on a whim run the test on herself as well. Apparently not remotely expecting that it could actually be positive."

Mike took that news in with a hard gulp. "Damn. So her reaction is probably more shock that anything… Tom, we could very well still be waiting for the other shoe to drop here…with both of them."

"I know. Unfortunately it gets worse."

"Now how the hell is that possible?" Truly, he was clueless to how that was possible…

"Alisha doesn't want to keep it."

"Well that's hardly a surprise! You can't be telling me you think that's the problem? The woman was raped for crying out loud!"

"No, Mike! That's not what I'm saying. Jeese…" Ok, now he could really understand why Rachel had gotten so upset with him when she had though he was implying the same thing. In an effort to dissuade Mike of his misinformed conclusion, Tom proceeded to explain.

"No, the problem is we can't accommodate her…_literally. _Not on this ship. We've known we were running pretty low on stocks in Medical for some time, but apparently we've reached a critical low point on almost everything now...supplies that we still have any of at all that is. A fully stocked Medical department would have been able to handle this, not remotely ideally, but still with reasonable safety. Such is not the case right now. Anything that could be tried right now runs far too high a risk of side effects that we also don't have the supplies and equipment to counter. According to Rachel it's just this side of a suicide attempt to do anything right now."

Mike noticeably absorbed the Captain words. "Well that changes things…"

"Not for a Alisha apparently…She still wants to do it."

"What? _Even though there's a high likelihood she could die?!"_

_"_Yep, and_ that_ is the problem. Rachel was very concerned about her emotional state even before this. The fact that the situation has further devolved and she is showing such little care for her own wellbeing and survival…it's made her worry more. For the moment, until we come up with a more viable and long term solution, the Lieutenant is not to be left unattended."

Mike didn't need to have that intimation spelled out to him. Damn. "She's that bad? The Doc thinks she really could try to…"

Official confirmation was not required. The precautions he was authorizing spoke for themselves. "Lt. Foster will be her main care person for the time being. That was why she was removed for CIC today. They share a cabin and they're friends. He constant presence should not be such a noticeable intrusion, so hopefully it won't further aggravate her emotional state. And it was getting time to reduce Lt. Foster's official workload anyway due to _her_ pregnancy." As he spoke, it was like he only just, with those words, truly acknowledged consciously that the number of pregnant woman on his battleship had just tripled. Hell… well that was their reality now and they would deal with it as best they could. It wasn't like this even came close to some other new realities they had discovered and endured in recent months. In fact if you compared this to what had started this new journey for them to begin with…this was nothing. Didn't mean he didn't feel for his young Lieutenant though. And it certainly didn't mean they didn't have to act, and not just for her either.

"This situation has called our now extremely limited medical capabilities into stark relief. I know we have known about this for a while and investigated ways of resupplying our medical capabilities and none of them are ideal…but I think its time to face facts and accept that they are never going to be. It's not just for this situation that we need to act now. This just happened to be the first medical situation to arise that we are all but helpless in because of our supply situation. It won't be long before it's something else and then something else after that. And it wont be long before someone dies because of it, if they don't because of this… We have to act, now. With it still looking like our permanent return to land is still unsafe, our mission on this ship is set to continue indefinitely at the moment, we have to prepare for that. I dare say medical supplies are not the entirety of our shortages list…in truth that list includes just about everything!"

"Yes Sir, it does." Mike wasn't going to argue. He'd be reporting their ever-dwindling reserves on a daily basis, and pushing for more extreme action in resolving it. It looked like the Captain was finally getting onboard with the more radical, and admittedly dangerous, methods needed to resolve it. Mike had been inpatient with Tom, but he also understood him. In the wake of Baltimore, their disappointments and their loss's, he knew well why he had been reticent to rush headlong into another possible firefight. The loss of even more of their people…

"Doctor Scott will want some things for her production work too, if we're going to be hitting a hospital anyway, she has been filling up a wish list for awhile with things she could use to raise shipboard production. Look on the bright side, at least you have a good chance of keeping her on the ship and out of harms way in her condition." Mike tried to elevate Tom's mood just slightly with the crack. It didn't work.

Tom speared him with one of the hardest looks he's ever received form the other man.

"Let her so much as out on deck when we are near trouble and I will gut you." And he spoke every word with dead seriousness too. Mike knew Tom still hadn't 100% gotten over him sending her to the Vyerni to rescue him. He had accepted his reasoning and the positive results of the mission, but he hadn't entirely accepted it, would never had sent her himself, under _any_ circumstances.

If it hadn't been for those positive mission results and the Doctor coming back from that mission basically unscathed, Mike very much thought that the gutting would already have occurred. He had known it before he had sent her really. Her survival had meant his survival…just, he had still gotten one hell of a tongue lashing and dressing down. It was the very minimum he had been expecting…_if Tom survived_…when he made the call, so he called it a win.

"Heard, Sir."

Mike acknowledged the directive but not with nearly enough chagrin for Tom's liking. He eyed the other man suspiciously for a moment. After the vyerni, when it came to Rachel's safety, he could admit that he had lost complete confidence in his XO. But he better damn well understand that he was deadly serious this time.

Mike, apparently figuring that particular topic was over, went on.

"So we're doing this, firstly, so the women can have a choice in continuing in their condition or not, and I imagine the sooner the better too. I guess there's not much doubt as to what decision he Lieutenant will make, when we are finally able to provide her with a realistic one. What about the Doc? Did you get a feel on where her head is at in all this?"

"She's being far too analytical about the whole situation, disturbingly so. Despite only finding out about her condition this morning she has, with our lacking medical situation in mind, adament that she will obviously be having the baby. On the surface she isn't letting on that she if either happy or sad about the prospect, just blandly accepting. But that is why I want her to have the choice too, if she chooses to go through with this, I want it to be because she _had a choice_ and she made it. I want to give that much control back to her, back to both of them."

Mike knew there was a whole lot more to say on the subject of the Doc being pregnant. It was right to give her the choice but if she did choose to keep it, it would have some pretty significant implications for Tom and his family's future too. Decisions and actions he had not yet given himself permission to make would have to be made, sooner rather than later. He certainly couldn't see Tom acting as if the woman he was falling in love with having a baby was an act irrelevant to him…despite his non-technical ownership of the child paternity. But that conversation would come later, or sooner if Mike didn't see Tom getting his act the hell in gear.

"I completely agree. So what's the plan?"

TBC

A/N: I hope everybody liked this chapter. Just a reminder, it means a lot to get reviews. Even if it's just a few lines or even words, it is great to hear from you! :-)


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hi Everyone! While I am aware that my short absence had been noted and lamented (You know who you are, and you are so sweet.) and I do apologize for this, it is a caveated apology as I have actually been super productive recently. I have been directing my creative energies to some other areas of my life, and I have actually made some fabulous progress in some of these other areas and I can't for a minute possibly regret that.

At the moment my biggest crime is trying to serve too many masters and too many creative and positive change-making pathways that I am also drawn to. But when I do inventory, I realize that all these pathways that I am drawn to are feeding me emotionally at least as much, or even more than they may be taking away from me in the form of my time, and I really don't want to lose a single one of them, including this part of my writing.

It just means that all my projects might move a little slower than if I were to focus more exclusively on a greatly reduced number of them. This is actually good news for you guys, because if I had to choose, I dare say I would probably be forced to choose my few creative pursuits that actually hold a small glimmer of hope for gainful employment somewhere in my future. ;-D Now on to the story…

LSLSLS

Rachel laid herself gingerly down in the thin mattress that accounted for the largest portion of space in her tiny cabin. The truth was that most of her injuries from that terrible time were basically gone. However, a few lingering twinges remained, and right now her physical weariness was abundantly amplified by the emotional weariness. It had been a very long day…it had been a very long month… They had been stuck in a holding pattern that had been doing no one any good, but finally movement was occurring. Both she and Alisha had now been forced out of their self-imposed limbo, and it was for the best. It was hard, but it was necessary.

Considering the matter long and hard now, she absolutely knew that they had needed that push, knew Alisha _really_ did. On their own, they could have both been showing…or Alisha could have done something drastic…before necessity and the inability to hide anymore would have forced them both out into the light.

That thought made her remember the young Lieutenant…not that she had forgotten…not that she ever could, but her mind was awash with every painful and poignant moment the day had brought with it. This was all just so mammoth and overwhelming to possibly be able to consider the implications of everything all at once. And there were some implications she was very deliberately avoiding. These implications simply too massive and frightening to consider at all in her battered and utterly spent emotional state.

Tom…

The _baby_…

_A __**baby**__… _

_…__hers._

But Alisha is whom she should be considering right now. She had not been able to have the proper conversation she had wished with the young woman this afternoon. The Captain's interruption and steadfast resolve in attaining his own answers without delay had prevented it. The fact was, they had barley been conversing for a full few minutes when Tom had made his presence known, and she wouldn't say that those few minutes had been filled with anything in the way of quality communication. They had basically just consisted of Alisha begging for a medical procedure she was ill equipped to preform. She had not even had the time to share the latest developments the day had brought or the suppositions she had began to draw more fully together since said discovery.

She knew Alisha now knew that their condition was shared, had silently imparted that highly relevant piece of information to get the younger woman to agree to the disclosure she was advocating…to get her to see their was no other choice now.

She felt guilty for railroading the young woman. She may have, and still, believed they had no better choice, but she had been the one to steel even more power from the terrified young woman…and she hated herself for it. Add to that she felt terribly guilty that circumstances had forced her to reveal some highly private things to her Captain, before she had the opportunity to even tell Alisha herself. Something she admittedly dreaded doing…

Alisha had left her lab with only the knowledge that she was pregnant as well…and therefore probably the assumption that she had lied and hidden information from her about Baltimore. Just as Tom had believed she had, an unfortunately understandable assumption. She had to fix that.

Alisha would be with Lt. Foster right now. Rachel was sure that the Captain would have upheld her request, especially after learning how grave her concerns were and the reasons behind them. Glancing at her watch she realized it had been several long hours since she had sent both Lieutenants to their cabin. She did need to talk to Alisha, and soon…and Kara needed to eat and was likely in need of break. Rachel wondered how much information Alisha had allowed Kara privy to, and how much the other woman suspected already.

From what she had seen, Kara had been quietly and cautiously supportive of her friend these last weeks. Kara had come to her and shared her concerns about the lack of coping her friend was displaying over events, but Rachel had put her off…just as she had the Captain and the Commander, when they asked the same questions, shared the same concerns. Those talks alone made it clear that Kara, like the others, was mostly in the dark as well, but very worried and suspicious. Understandably, considering the increased insight her living arrangements afforded her. Rachel wondered if when the time came, the whole and complete truth might not be such a shock. Maybe the other woman was in a better situation than the men to see the clues. But it was impossible to tell for sure. Time would be the one to tell.

Steeling an extra few moments to absorb some comfort from the feel of her head and body at least partially relaxed against the pillow and mattress below her, she then willfully gathered together what strength she could so she could get back up and do what needed to be done. It was not like it was much of a loss anyway, sleep had not been forthcoming recently.

A thought traitorously occurred to her and without conscious decision her hand drifted to her stomach. She could not help but wonder if that situation would change if she did to not stop what she now knew was happening to her body… She had had female colleagues that had been just as much workaholics as she was. They had gotten pregnant proclaiming that nothing would change…afterwards she had barely seen them again. First they had started actually adhering to correct, or even overly ample, sleep patterns…something virtually unheard of to many buried in their work scientists…then they had become Mothers. And from what she had seen, that state of being was not one that mixed particularly well with being doctors, giving your every waking moment to save lives and stay at the very pinnacle of your profession.

With effort and a particular resolution to stop procrastinating, considering pointless areas of contemplation, she rose and pulled her jacket back on wearily. After a long draw from the stainless steel water bottle she always kept close, sparing some of the liquid to rub over and cool her face, she rose and without even a sparing glance at the mirror, left her cabin. Her stride clearly resolved in its destination, but it mainly worked to discourage anyone she may pass from questioning her wellbeing…something that had become annoyingly commonplace recently.

She hated it, but she did appreciate it on a level…and she guessed she could understand it. Rachel also unfortunately doubted it was likely to lessen in the coming days and weeks. She and the Captain had not specifically spoken about further disclosure or actions to be taken. They had mainly just left it with both of them…him especially, considering what he had learned.

She knew another conversation on the more immediately significant areas of their situation would need to be quickly forthcoming. Tomorrow at the latest, most likely. And part of her knew that with the way she was feeling now, she should be resting and trying to re-gather every modicum of mental strength she could to prepare to go through yet another epic emotional roller coaster of a conversation. That was most definitely what discussions and explanations under this particular subject fell under the heading of.

But she couldn't do that…even if her body and mind would cooperate! She was not the one who mattered most in all this, she wasn't even second on the list... She had to make sure all was done for Alisha first and foremost, and she had to make sure to ease Tom through this in whatever way she could too. She knew he was drowning in guilt, she knew he shouldn't be…and she knew there was nothing she could really do to prevent it.

It made her heart ache for him. It made her want to do things that the physical proximity rules of their platonic friendship forbade. But still the instinct was there…and it was strong. Of course, her traitorous mind forced her to wonder if he would even want that now…even if he may have before…she was still reeling and confused herself about what had been done to her, but there was one word that she couldn't prevent from repeating itself over and over in her mind.

Tainted. She was tainted now. She wished she could doubt it, could dismiss it, but the notion was so strong. It was like it had instantly become ingrained with the realization of what they must have done to her. Yes, she was definitely tainted now, and by pure evil no less. And that brought with it a soul-shakingly frightening thought…where did that leave the baby?

Realizing she had both journeyed and arrived at her intended destination during her eminently depressing mental wonderings, it seemed like an excellent moment to drop a heavy brick wall on what had been her pointless and frankly self damaging internal ruminations, and focus on the woman on the other side of the door who needed her help and support right now.

With a deep steadying breath, she gave the door two short but decisive knocks and stood back to wait. She didn't have to wait long…she would have worried if she did. In any place on this ship, there was barely a room behind any door that couldn't be traversed in a few short steps. Places like the mess, the bridge, CIC and her lab were virtually the only exceptions to that rule, and even then only just. Fact was, they all lived in a dollhouse...a very lethal dollhouse.

As she had expected, it was Kara that opened the door. Her eyed red rimmed, her features drawn. Rachel felt immediate guilt. The woman was pregnant herself and should be receiving special attention herself; to ensure that her much reveled in pregnancy went smoothly. She had fooled herself in thinking that appointing Kara as Alisha's care person for the afternoon and evening was something that would be something remotely relaxing for her. Truthfully, she would probably have been far better off if just left to her work in CIC, but would Alisha have been?

On first considering, the reasons for her choice had been obvious. Kara and Alisha were friends, they shared a cabin already… But Kara was having a baby,_ a baby she wanted._ On reflection, Rachel wondered if her constant presence wouldn't act more to rub salt in the wound, than to actually help. But would stationing some other random female acquaintance…and likely subordinate…on this ship to stay in the intimate confines of her cabin with her have been better? Rachel let out a heavy sign. They were surrounded by imperfect options to every arduous dilemma that chose to raise its head.

"Dr. Scott. Hi…umm, Alisha is resting…kind of…" The other woman spoke quietly, spared a worried look over her shoulder in the direction the bunk beds would be.

Rachel followed suit and spoke in an equally hushed tone "Kara, I've told you, it's Rachel, and what do you mean _kind of_?"

Kara looked like she was considering either how much truth to tell…or maybe just how to word it. She seemed like she was being asked to dob on her friend. "Umm…I think she might be asleep now…but up until ten minutes ago she was still sobbing quietly. _If she is_ asleep, I'm not sure if she more passed out than actually fell asleep. Doctor…Rachel, what's going on? I know things have been bad, but she had been inconsolable these past couple of days and _today_… What the hell happened today to get her like this?" Kara was clearly extremely concerned about her friend. He face and mannerisms spoke of the distress she was unwillingly absorbing from her friends state.

Alisha had clearly left Kara completely in the dark, even with recent developments; apparently she had still chosen not to share anything. Of course maybe she had just not been able to, if she had really been that distraught to still be so physically demonstrably upset up until ten minutes ago. Well, the best person or not, Rachel was definitely sticking with her decision to have someone stay with her. People didn't think clearly when they were this upset. Feeling like they were trapped but a plethora of untenable options didn't help either.

"It's a long story that you will be made aware of in time, Kara. But now is not that time. Right now why don't you just go get something to eat and maybe go spend some time with Danny for a while, relax, you look like you need it. I will stay with Alisha until you return, there is no need for you to hurry. There will be time for you to help your friend but right now you are of the most use if you take care of yourself and that little one." She followed her words with what she hoped was a convincing smile and glance at the other woman's midsection. She did want the other woman to take some time for herself after today. It was a selfish desire really, she wanted to ease her own guilt for giving a woman who should be avoiding stress in her condition, such a stressful task.

Kara at first looked like she was apt to argue her dismissal. But apparently thought better of it and with one final worried glance at her friend and counterpart, she stepped out of her cabin door way and with a small grateful smile of acknowledgement, proceeded down the P-way. Rachel noted the direction she was headed was to the male officers accommodation's, not to food. Well the other woman clearly had her priorities in order. Emotional comfort, first. Food, hopefully second. Rachel could only hope that food would come in short order after she found and collected her baby daddy and kind-of boyfriend.

Rachel did not envy the people trying to maintain a relationship on this ship. Intimate romantic relationships did not legally exist on a battleship…and yet they did. That left everyone trying to maintain one in a weird no mans land. They really would have to do something about that. And by _they_ she meant the Captain. On many levels she was sure he already knew it. It was why Danny and Kara had been dealt with so lightly over the whole_ affair_. The fact that their assumed continued fraternization was being tolerated spoke volumes. But it still did not officially open the door and allow the rest of the crew to have the necessary free human contact they all craved without the associated guilt of their apparent betrayal and fear of punishment. That needed to change.

Once again bringing herself out of, while important, not immediately pertinent ruminations, Rachel took a long strike forward and in doing to entered the dark cabin. Only a dim wall mounted reading light on Kara's bunk, the top bulk, gave the room any illumination at all. It left Alisha, laying on the bottom bunk, mainly shrouded in darkness.

As Rachel's eyes slowly adjusted to the low light she was able to make out more. Alisha looked awful, unsurprisingly. She was resting on her side facing out from the wall, hugging a pillow and with a battleground of balled up tissues surrounding her. She did appear to be sleeping at present, so looking around, Rachel found a small chair that Kara had obviously positioned to sit and watch her friend. Rachel sat herself down on it and proceeded to do the same.

Minutes passed, Rachel was being drawn into her own painful thoughts again, her own guilt, her own misgivings and second-guessing. She very much felt she was her own worst enemy in this, if she could only just forget _how _it had happened, then maybe…

"Is it true?"

The small voice was so faint and frail, even in the almost deadly silent room, and she had been so deep in her own contemplations, that at first, Rachel wasn't even sure if she had actually heard the question. But when she glanced down at the figure on the bed in front of her, at the wide open, but red, puffy and tear stained eyes, she knew she had.

"Is it?" The woman on the bed persisted when a reply was not immediately forthcoming. Her voice was somewhat stronger but still slightly broken and ragged, still clearly speaking of her hours spent deep in anguish.

Rachel could feel the accusation in Alisha's tone and eyes like a barb to her chest. In was as she had expected. Though not so immediately, the younger woman had clearly not been asleep, as both she and Kara had believed. Looking at her now, Alisha's clear lack of surprise at finding her here, instead of her friend, Rachel imagined that Alisha had actually been awake the whole time. And she clearly wanted an answer to her question, was still very much staring Rachel down for one. Well, the answer was simple. She just hoped that she was allowed to explain.

Explain that omissions were the most she was guilty of, but mainly that she had just not known most of the facts herself.

That led her to consider how Alisha was likely to take some of the other new conclusions that had been drawn, the ones of which she was still unaware, the ones that heavily involved both her and her mother. She was certainly unlikely to take it well. Maybe it was almost better to let Alisha focus on her and her perceived lies for now. But the truth would have to come out in the end…

"Yes. It's true." Rachel replied simply…sadly.

Anger immediately seeped into Alisha's already anguished eyes. Accusation dripped from her tone.

"You lied to me." It was clear she thought the allegation was an eminently damning one.

"No, Alisha. I didn't…" Rachel started to try and explain.

"Yes! _Yes, you did!_ I asked you straight out if they had done that to you too, you say no! _You lied_!" Her voice rose with her rising anger and distress.

"Alisha, listen to me, I told you the truth back then…the whole truth…" She imparted her vow passionately, hoping to convey its essential truth.

Alisha did noticeably falter at hearing the passionate defense to her assertion.

"Then how…?" Confusion heavily marred the younger woman's features.

Rachel could see how clearly perplexed Alisha seemed by her declaration, which meant she had actually heard it, something Rachel was thankful for. Clearly she could just not merge the newfound knowledge of Rachel's condition with her assertion…

To Rachel, it looked like Alisha got an idea then, one that seemed to relieve her mind greatly. "So it didn't happen back then?" The question seemed almost rhetorical. Alisha was already lying back, on slightly less tense shoulders, her tired eyes drifting shut at intervals. Unfortunately, Rachel could see that the incorrect assumption seemed to calm Alisha infinitely.

Rachel knew the truth would not…oh god, the complete truth definitely would not…Bloody hell! How could she tell this girl how deep her own Mother's hate and evil really ran. To have your own Mother deliberately single you out for such an evil…

"Is it the Captain's?" Alisha spoke the question in all seriousness.

Rachel's eyes went wide. Ok, her _highly_ incorrect assumption_. Highly, highly incorrect_… But how could she tell her the truth? The more Rachel thought about it and the more she looked into Alisha's stricken, yet now semi hopeful, eyes, the more she questioned her earlier resolve.

How could she tell her that their pregnancies had been deliberate, why she _hadn't_ been raped…_at least in the same way_…without explaining why she very deliberately _had been_…and the _disgusting_ likely reasons why? Surely it was better to leave the younger woman believing that her condition had been an accident. And even if she did suspect it was deliberate, to never know that she had been so cruelly singled out for such abuse by the woman who should have been the one to protect her with her dying breath.

But how could she protect Alisha from the knowledge of the further devolution her Mothers crimes had taken, while still being honest with her? She couldn't, that was the answer. She didn't want to lie, but who was being honest really serving more? The truth was simple. Alisha could not handle the truth. She could barely handle the limited quantity of truth that existed in her reality at present.

Rachel supposed she could tell her that she had lied back then. That she had been attacked too and had flat out lied to her face back then. But somehow that lie seemed worse than the truth… Rachel certainly couldn't be sure it would not mean a further slip in her already so fragile emotional state.

In a single moment of what would probably come to be known as complete insanity, Rachel both lost her nerve to tell the truth and gained the nerve to tell her lie. And for better or worse…she spoke it.

"Yes, it's the Captain's."

TBC

A/N: Yes, I went in a different direction here. It wasn't premeditated but it was in no uncertain terms where my muse wished to be taken, so who was I to argue? I would be very interested to learn what you guys think of this twist and also how many of you are still out there reading and are still enjoying this story.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Another update before Christmas! You can all go ahead and consider this your Christmas present because there is absolutely no guarantee there will be another one before. Which could mean a bit of a wait…and I am warning you about it this time! ;-) I am going to a festival over Christmas, my Birthday and New Years (Yes, my B'day falls in between those two dates) and writing and posting opportunities will be non-existent till I get back. I also might be sleeping for a week afterwards! ;-P

At this time of year, we are compelled to look back at the year that's been and I just wanted to say that conversing with all of you has been something that has made my year brighter, and I hope I have been able to share some joy with all of you as well.

I want to wish all you lovely people a very happy holiday's with your family and friends, and may this time be filled with love and peace. :-)

LSLSLS

Content warning: There's some swearing in this. Rachel had a potty mouth in her mind apparently…at least according to me. ;-)

LSLSLS

Alisha visibly relaxed at the confirmation, but before long her attention again seemed to draw inward as contradicting thoughts caused her features to mar with confusion.

"I thought it must be him. But I don't understand, why did you make it out like both of us had gotten…_this way_…back in that place? You know, when the Captain was listening. Surely he would know how you got pregnant, if he was there?" Alisha reasoned out loud.

"Umm…" Shit, Shit, shit. _Think fast, Rachel!_ Well, what do they say? Best why to make a lie convincing is to pepper it with at least some truth. Rachel just hoped that telling Alisha this much about her Mother's true plan would not make the whole point of her initial ill advised lie completely redundant.

"Well, Alisha, even though _I didn't_ get _this was_ in _that place_…it was still related to my condition just as it as yours…"

"I don't understand…if the Captain is the father…?" Alisha interrupted.

"Umm…let me explain... I did that because I knew neither of us could hide our conditions now…_because_ of how glaring the timings is of both our conceptions…" The young woman looked away from her then, and Rachel could have kicked herself. She knew Alisha did not like acknowledging her own condition so starkly...or its origins.

Rachel knew Alisha was only keeping it together enough for them to have a half way viable conversation because they were discussing _her_ _supposedly consentual_ pregnancy, as opposed to Alisha's _heavily unconsentual_ one. That distinction made a hell of a lot of difference when it came to how well Alisha could deal with talking about it.

Rachel made an effort to continue their conversation with as much abstractness as possible.

"What I mean is, we both got this way at a really similar time, me only a day or two after you, and it was completely unviable for the Captain not to question that timing when he found out about both of us…"

"But he didn't have to ever find out about me! If the timing was just a coincidence…" The distressed woman on the bed argued strongly.

"But it wasn't Alisha! That's what I'm trying to explain! You remember this was one of the possibilities we talked about when we discussed why…_she_…might have done this." Not quite in time, Rachel remembered that_ she_ was the woman who must not be named, in any way, at least in front of Alisha.

"What reasons?" Alisha's voice was suddenly as cold as ice. Yeah…mentioning her Mother had not gone down well. Rachel could feel Alisha drawing away from her again.

Now committed to telling this small amount of truth, Rachel thought it better to just get it out and over with. She continued…

"We thought that maybe she might have wanted to, you know, carry on her genetic line… Being too old to do so herself…" Rachel trailed off. Further talk of Alisha's Mother was unnecessary…and likely damaging… Rachel could see that Alisha picked up on her insinuation quite easily.

Alisha was still quiet for a long time, eerily quiet. She finally looked up at Rachel, face hard. "You think that was the case now, that she did this deliberately?"

"Yes I do." Rachel confirmed earnestly. "It never should have been so easy for you to get…_like this_, and so quickly too. The math was illogically back then but when you add me to the mix, it clearly speaks to something else going on." Rachel answered that much honestly.

"**_What?"_** Alisha was still with her, but holding on by a single thread now. She practically spat her single worded question, but Rachel did not take offence, she just proceeded with a thankfully honest explanation of the first part of how this happened…fully knowing that the second part would now need substantial editing.

"I think it had to have been the injection we were both given... It's the only explanation that makes any sense now... I believe they used whatever than drug was to make this outcome so much more likely." Rachel explained.

As she finished, Rachel watched the young broken women's eye relight…but in challenge this time.

"But why would they have given you that too?! If…_that bitch_…only wanted a grandkid?! _Are you telling me the truth?!" _Alisha questioned angrily.

Yeah… lying about this may not have been Rachel's best idea ever, but she was still at a loss for better options to navigate the emotional minefield. Alisha was smart, but she was also emotionally shattered right now. And the truth would break her where there was no way she could not afford to be further broken…

_Fix this, fix this…_ Rachel chanted the mantra in her mind.

"Alisha, I promise I told you the truth." _Liar, liar, liar._ "I was knocked out just as you saw me be and nothing happened after I woke up and then you were brought back." _At least that was what I thought until this morning_…

Alisha clearly was still not convinced. "And you're sure nothing happened _while you were out?"_

_Damn._ Why did she have to be so damn specific in her logical probing? Rachel had been priding herself on her ability to navigate this minefield, throwing down more verbal omissions than actual lies. As much as she knew the Captain disapproved of the practice... _He was about to disapprove of it a hell of a lot more…_ Oh well, now the bird had already flown, the ship had already sailed and therefore a flat out bald-faced lie it was. Though maybe augmented slightly…

"Alisha, I woke up in the same place, fully clothed, feeling normal…if very drugged. It's simply ridiculous to think anything like what happened to you could have happened with out me knowing it." And that was true.

Alisha considered her words for a long while, before her shoulders slumped and her features dropped…_at least most_…of their suspicion. "Yes, yes I suppose it is. But then why did they give you the injection too?" Alisha questioned, in a more relaxed tone now that she had been at least partially placated.

Shit, more lying.

"I don't honestly don't know, Alisha." _Yep, bald faced lie right there._ "I suppose the worst case scenario is that they did intend to do something to me as well, but they just didn't get time. The Captain got us out in time…at least in time for me." Rachel corrected herself with chagrin.

Alisha gaze glossed over at her misspeak, her thoughts clearly travelling back to that terrible time. "Best case scenario?" She questioned with quiet curiosity. Still not entirely mollified, Rachel thought.

"Well, despite their 'genius only' mandate, I got to say that none of them actually seemed all that bright to me. Injecting me too could have just been a mistake to start with." First part was all too true, second part was a flat out lie…

Rachel felt Alisha's hard gaze upon her, she was being studied for the truth of her words and she knew it. She hoped she projected back an aura that would not be questioned. She deliberately filled that aura with all the hope and well meaning she had for the woman before her. Her lies held no ill intent…only love.

And it seemed like Alisha was going to accept them…thank God. Rachel watched the other woman again seem to relax, appearing satisfied with the results of her appraisal.

"So you and the Captain are together? Was it since Baltimore? Does he know about the baby now? You said you got pregnant really soon after…" It seemed Alisha was all too happy to change the subject to one she assumed to be a far happier subject. A natural assumption given her big fat lies.

And she had said that, hadn't she? That she had gotten pregnant_ just_ after Baltimore… She had had too…the timing didn't work any other way. But _shit goddammit! _She had just told Alisha that the Captain had slept with her only days after his wife's death!…and had gotten her pregnant! How could she have done that to him!?

Oh god, it was true what her Mother had told her all those year ago. Lies really did spiral out of your control really _really_ fast. The only lesson she had been taught of that was that it was better not to tell any lies to start with. But when you had to? Well, she had missed that part of the lecture, if it had ever existed. She was going to assume the simple answer was that you were just screwed. Just totally and utterly in it, with whomever else you had dumped in it too. Shit.

"Umm…we're not _exactly_ together…" Rachel hedged, while frantically trying to come up with a way to fix this that didn't totally dump the Captain in it.

"Why not? Does he know about the baby?" Alisha seemed confused and concerned. She was truly a darling to worry about her even in the midst of her own misery.

"He does know…but, umm…Alisha, I need you to do me a favor and not say anything about this quite yet. You must understand that the timing of this is…_unfortunate_, it was so soon after he had lost his wife…" She struggled for an explanation that would be both believable and at the same would excuse Tom's non-existent disloyalty. But she had backed herself into a corner really well on this one, the best she could come up with was…

"It was actually just one time, he was grieving, I was in a bad place after Baltimore too, but still I shouldn't have let things go so far… you understand, right?"

Alisha was silent for several seconds, considering. Though her thoughts seems suddenly troubled again…

"Yeah…I guess this is difficult for you as well…" The younger woman spoke morosely and too late Rachel realized how terrible it sounded to lament a supposedly consentually conceived pregnancy in front of a woman suffering from an unconsentual one.

"Oh, Alisha! I wasn't meaning to compare my situation to yours! I'm just worried about the Captain…Tom…I don't want to push him into anything…it was far too soon..." Anytime would have been too soon to do something he wasn't interested in to start with. She was not a talented liar. But yeah, she _really _didn't want Tom to feel obligated to her for something he _hadn't actually done… _But now at least one person believed he had… how _could _she has done this to him?!

"I didn't mean it that way, Dr. Scott. I understand where you are coming from. But I've also watched the Captain with you for quite a few months now. He loves you, and he will love his baby too. I know nothing would have happened if his wife had survived and been brought back, and I know your right that this is soon. But I'm confident everything will work out well for both of you. Our Captain's an honorable man. Learning that he was with you after Baltimore doesn't change my opinion of him in that, I don't think anything could. He'll do the right thing by you and his baby. I'm confident there wouldn't have even been a baby if he didn't already love you. You will_ all_ be all right. And I'm happy for you." Alisha smiled at her in comfort, clearly thinking that Rachel's troubles were over when really some new and far too interesting ones were only just beginning…

Rachel didn't know how to respond to that. Quite simply none of it was true. But the younger woman didn't know that and she seemed comforted by the various false assumptions attached to her lie. And that had been the goal of her lies to start with…so she let them stand. In this room, only she knew how close to Alisha's situation her realty really was. She was just as alone, and quite honestly…just as terrified. But she didn't have the Lieutenant's abundant emotional bombardment left over from Baltimore to add to it. It allowed her to see thing some degree of clearer, and perhaps see that there were other options. But none of them involved the happy families that Alisha was so kindly envisioning, without a trace of identifiable jealousy, for her.

As Rachel considered her own abysmal ethical situation, she at first failed to notice the change in the air and on the young Lieutenants face. When she finally did focus her attention on the young woman she could see clearly that they has moved on from her apparently joyous situation to Alisha's far less so one.

"Alisha?" She queried the other woman quietly. Alisha was not looking at her. She was staring at the the bunk bed above her, but at the same time not appearing to see it.

"So you would have told him them?" Rachel didn't need to ask what or who she was talking about.

"Yes." She affirmed quietly.

"_Everything?"_ Alisha's voice broke slightly on the question.

"There was no need to go into needlessly graphic detail about some things…but basically, yes." _More than I told you actually_, Rachel silently added.

How had she gone from feeling guilty about not telling Alisha_ first_, to not telling her _at all_, and lying about the truth? Was she that noble or than despicable? Rachel honestly couldn't decide right now. But Alisha was still talking and not curled up in a quivering nonresponsive ball like she had been at other times this last month, so that was something…

_"__How did he…? Does he…? What does he think of…?"_ A sob broke Alisha's last failed attempt to form a full sentence.

"_What does he think of you?"_ Rachel surmised the young woman's worry.

_"__Yes."_ Alisha confirmed on another sob.

"Alisha, he doesn't think anything different of you than he did yesterday, a month a go, or even three months ago. You bear absolutely no responsibility in this and absolutely _nobody_, _including the Captain_, is saying any differently. Nothing I informed him of today changed a thing about his high opinion of you. Your Mother on the other hand…"

When a sound that was somewhere between a sob and a growl was admitted from the prostrate woman on the bunk, Rachel realized she had accidently broken the cardinal rule about mentioning the woman. She moved to make immediate amends.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Alisha. But _that_ is the direction_ all_ the blame is being laid, none is being put at your, or even my, feet. Not a piece." And it was absolutely true that none belonged or was being placed at Alisha's feet. She, on the other hand, while she didn't actually think anyone was blaming her, she wasn't convinced they shouldn't be, at least in some small way. She had totally messed up the handling of the situation, something that she was continuing to do to this very hour…

LSLSLS

Rachel left Alisha's quarters some hours later, not long after Kara returned, looking more relaxed than she had been before. She had been happy to see Alicia not looking quite as unhappy as when she had left. Rachel had let the conversation flow away from Alicia's unhappy situation and focus more on her apparently joyous one. Or so Alicia seemed to wholeheartedly believe. As it seemed to calm and distract the younger women, Rachel had had no viable reason to direct the subject away from her lie.

And so that was how the next few hours had proceeded. Some of the time had been spent in companionable silence. Alicia had napped some, without actually falling asleep. Rachel thought she was probably deliberately fighting it. She knew her sleep had not been restful of late. But when they had talked, it was Rachel and her exciting new relationship that Alicia insisted on discussing. It was clear that the other women wanted attention drawn away from her own situation. But Rachel thought her interest was more than just that.

The other women seemed genuinely excited for her. At a time when she had not thought she was been capable of getting excited about anything at all. And her excitement was a lot less about the baby…_that_ was still a little too close to home for her. No, it was much more about the supposed confirmation of an, apparently long suspected amongst the crew, relationship between her and the Captain.

Yes, she was deep in it with the lying, but at least the situation had not devolved any further today, truth was it might actually have improved. Alicia had been able to focus on something other than her own misery for a little while and talk contentedly about it. Too bad it was a complete fabrication...

That made Rachel consider just how deep she really was in, and just how likely it was that her deception will eventually be discovered. She had asked Alicia not to spread the news of her condition or whom _she believed_ was responsible, and Rachel didn't think she would. But when she considered it, what Rachel thought probably was a danger, was Alicia telling the only other person that she believed already knew. Tom.

He would go to her before too long too. He would be very worried about Alisha even now, and he wouldn't stop himself from at least checking on her general well being sometime very soon. And at that point things could get dicey. Alisha had demonstrated today how apt she was to discuss Rachel's supposedly vastly superior situation in preference to her own sad tale of woe. And by Rachel's own admission, she had the green light to do so. Tom already knew…_not._

Damn. Rachel was bone weary at this point, but again, sleep was going to have to wait. Not that it was the most attractive possibility anyway, like Alisha, sleep had not been her closest companion of late…but it was still something one needed, but not now. She he had confessions to make, even more confessions. He was going to love that…

Rachel had not anticipated, and didn't relish another meeting with Tom so quickly. Actually that wasn't entirely true, there was a secret part of her that reveled in every single interaction they had, even when they were yelling at each other. In his presence a long thought dead part of Rachel came alive, and it was impossible not to be drawn to the man when his very presence evoked such feelings in her.

Rachel supposed it was lucky there was a part of her than enjoyed it even when they were yelling at each other, because yelling would likely be involved in this next conversation. She had to tell him that she had willfully started a rumor that he had basically been unfaithful to his wife and had negligently got a woman pregnant because of it.

Yeah, this new confession was going to go fabulously!

TBC

A/N: Yes, I know people were dying to read how Tom finds out about Rachel's lie and his reaction to it, but we weren't quite there yet. Coming up next, I promise. Just working the kinks out of that particular complex conversation. Please review and see you all in 2015! :-D

_Sneak Peak: _

_"__I have another confession to make."_

_"__I thought you said you told me everything."_

_"__I did, but that was several hours ago. I've screwed up even further since then..."_


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Ok, after this long a wait I know nobody wants to read me blab on and on in the author's notes, suffice it to say I'm sorry and I'll try to do better next time. *puppy dog eyes*

LSLSLS

Rachel stood before Captain Thomas Chandler's office door. She knew he was in there. She had gone looking for him on the bridge had found Commander Slattery instead. He had directed her here.

From the look the large man had given her, it had been abundantly clear that Tom he had already spoken with him…and told him everything. _Everything. _He had looked at her with a mixture of uncertainty and pity. A somewhat odd mixture, and neither did Rachel love being the subject of. But she supposed she should start getting used to it now…it was only going to get worse from here...

Thankfully, the Commander had not made any attempts to engage her in any further conversation…or interrogation…and she was immensely glad of it. Even if the only likely reason was that he simply didn't have a clue what to say to her…she should probably get used to that too.

Rachel realized she really needed to hurry up and knock on the damn door in front of her. If anyone came by right now, it would look supremely odd that she was just standing there staring at a closed door. And it could fuel rumors too, given whose door it was…but _again_, that was probably going to happen anyway…

Rachel let out a heavy sigh…so much was out of her control now... She really did understand some of what Alisha was feeling. Complete abject helplessness was not a fun state to be in…

Except Rachel had to acknowledge, that at the moment, _she_ was the one that kept actively taking choices out of her own hands… Self-destructive much?

With a renewed determination to do what needed to be done and stop beating herself up about it…Rachel knocked on the door.

And then immediately began to panic…she_ really _didn't know what she was going to say… And she _really _didn't know how on earth she was going to say it…but it was too late…

After mere seconds of waiting…and sudden onset panicking…the door opened.

"Rachel?" He was surprised it was her, it was obvious.

"Umm…hi…" Where did she start? She was the one that had knocked on his door, and yet she was the one now caught completely off guard not knowing what to say. How did that even happen?

"Is everything ok? I didn't expect to be seeing you again so quickly…" Tom trailed off, a confused and slightly concerned frown starting to mar his features.

Yeah, neither had she. "Yeah well I hadn't intended to do this again so soon…no offence… but now I have to…"

Now Tom was really concerned, she looked like she was dreading whatever it was she was here to do…or say…and yet she had said that she had told him the complete truth of their current dilemma a few mere hours ago. _What the hell else could there be?_

Belatedly, Tom realized they were just standing in his office doorway staring at one another. Quickly moving to remedy the situation, he stepped aside and motioned for her to enter. She did, and he closed…and on instinct, locked…the door behind them.

"What is it, Rachel?" He spoke softly and gently…but there was a slight identifiable edge of impatience…and wariness, in his tone also. He was a smart man, he had already guessed that this visit was of a confessional rather than social nature.

"Rachel?" He prompted again when several long moments passed in complete silence with Rachel looking around the room, he noticed in _every_ direction except his. He saw her gaze fall on a framed photograph of his children for an extended period, a loving but eminently…and confusingly…uncertain look on her face. But when he spoke, her gaze…seemingly begrudgingly…drifted back to him.

"I…I needed to tell you something…rather urgently now…" She really didn't know how she could have done this…to any of them. She had thought her intentions were good, but how could they cause such pain if that were really true?

"Urgently?" He questioned, suddenly even more concerned.

"Yes, though don't worry, it's not the dangerous type of urgent…more the damage control kind…Actually, I have another confession to make..." She was babbling…and _still_ procrastinating. She knew it…but…

"I thought you said you told me everything." And there was that tone she had been waiting for, but not at all _wanting_ to hear. The hard reprimanding Captain one…

She swallowed, nervous.

"I did, but that was several hours ago. I've screwed up even further since then..."

Rachel admitted the vague but unequivocal truth on a hurried breath. She was very much afraid, that at this point, she was only seconds away from losing her nerve… But one look at Tom and it was abundantly clear that leaving this cabin without another round of full disclosure occurring was_ not_ going to happen.

Tom sighed, one hand moving to massage his brow, his eyes squeezing shut briefly... He was weary of this. Weary of this roller coaster that had already been the days events and revelations to now. Not to mention the preceding weeks leading up to it…

He had apparently naïvely thought the day's turmoil's might be drawing to a close. The details were out, they were _terrible_, but they were manageable. At least was the mental approach the Ship's Captain in his was taking. It wouldn't be easy, but he had thought that tomorrow they would be able to start the long but practical journey of making things right, as much as was possible anyway…but apparently he was wrong.

Coming to the obvious decision that continued silence was going to solve nothing, Tom, with an exaggerated movement, slumped into his chair and indicated for Rachel to do the same.

Tom willed himself to relax, with some success. A minimal amount of the tension did leave his face and body, though more from a feeling of helplessness and defeat than any true feeling of relaxation.

Rachel was grateful to sit, but was nervous at the sign that they may once again be settling in for the _emotional long haul_…

Tom rubbed his face again, a gesture Rachel had come to know well. One that spoke of his extreme but buried frustration…usually with her. Not change there.

She didn't know how to start, but before she could think of a single word to say, Tom suddenly glanced up at her, spearing her with his ice blue gaze and speaking first.

"Rachel…talk." His voice was neither hard nor soft, but it was resolute, commanding… Yes, talk is what she needed to do, for both of their sakes. There were no other options.

"I…I went to see Alisha." Rachel began.

"I figured you would. I wanted to myself, but…you know…" Tom almost looked ashamed of his decision to avoid the young lieutenant.

"No, your were right, it is better if you give her some time right now. I didn't think I had that option. I had left her with questions that I beleived I was obligated to give her answers too…but in hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have gone there either…" She trailed off.

Rachel considered her own words for a moment. Yes, maybe more time would have been better. A lot better. A clearer mind _must _have been able to come up with a better lie than her desperate one…if a lie had been necessary at all. Oh, she had made such a mess…

"Why? What happened?" Tom questioned her.

"She…she asked me about the baby…mine. Like I told you, she didn't know before, not till you came in. She thought I had lied to her when I told her about my own personal experiences in Baltimore, again, like you thought I had. I told her that I hadn't, _promised_ her that that part was the absolute truth. It was what I believed at the time after all... Apparently I was pretty believable because she jumped straight to…other conclusions." She admitted the last part softly and with embarrassment, her head was tilted forward in shame but her guilt-laden eyes were still gazing up at him beneath heavy lids.

"_Other_ conclusions?" Tom queried. He was more than worried at this point. Before, she had been sad, ashamed, embarrassed... And it hadn't escaped his notice that she had taken a seat on his office couch at the furthest distance from his she possibly could. Now it was even worse. Now she was giving off an aura reminiscent of an incredibly fearful puppy dog who seemed to think that he was about to kick her at any moment… Not for the first time, he wondered what_ the_ _hell _could have changed in such a short time!

Rachel started speaking, but try as she might she could not meet his eyes for more than a split second at a time. "Well, as far as she was concerned I had promised unequivocally that…**_this_**…didn't happen in Baltimore. I never got the time…_or the nerve_…to add the '_but_'. And she trusted me… so she went straight to the only other conclusion anyone could _reasonably_ draw…naturally she wasn't aware of how _unreasonable_ the truth really was…"

"She assumed you got pregnant on the ship." Tom surmised, understanding her demeanor now.

Silence… More silence… Then…

"Yes…" Her voice was small.

"And you didn't correct her?"

There was another long pause before a barely audible reply, but her heard her.

"No…"

Tom considered everything he was learning. Oh, the implications of this…

"She doesn't know about her Mother's involvement?"

"No. She doesn't, at least not the extent of it. I just couldn't do it! She was so weak and broken… When she assumed that this didn't happen back then, it was the first time in these long weeks that I have seen actual hope in her eyes…I…like I said I lost my nerve…I told her she was right." She admitted, the shame of the admission evident in her entire countenance.

"She doesn't question the timing?" Tom was skeptical about that.

"I preempted that. I told her about my theory of the injection we received. Told her that injecting me too was likely either a mistake or they didn't have time to do anything to me…she believed me." Rachel's head again fell in shame at the last admission. It was in no way something to brag about for her, to have successfully fooled a young woman with her very serious lies.

Silence reigned for a long time. Rachel sparing occasional quick glances at him…the rest of the time staring at the floor. Tom was leaning back on his office chair now. His gaze was trained more on the ceiling…occasionally drifting down to her. Sometimes their gazes journeyed and joined at the same time…only to jump apart again, both unsure who had been the one to first break the intangible contact.

After what seemed an eminently long time, Tom spoke.

"You did the right thing." He finally decided and declared out loud.

"I did?" Abject shock was abundantly clear in her slightly squeaky tone.

"For Alisha, yes. She doesn't need to know the extent of her Mother's evil. From what I understand you could well be right that she simply couldn't deal with the associated guilt of what really happened to you…by her mothers order. I'm _assuming_ that's why you lied about this, yes?"

"Yes…" Again, her voice was small. He was being so understanding...so far. But he didn't yet know…

"What_ I am _worried about, Rachel…is you." Tom interrupted her mental musings.

"Me?" She queried, surprised. She didn't understand where she fitted into this. They had been talking on how this could affect Alisha…

"Yes, Rachel, _you_." Tom stated with dwindling patience when it came to Rachel's limited to non-existent regard for her own safety and well-being. Either _physical or emotional _apparently…

He continued. "Rachel, I was already worried that you were being far to cavalier and unquestioningly accepting of your situation and what we now know happen to you. Now you tell me that you are planning to go around pretending that your assault never happened at all! So yes, that worries me, Rachel. _A lot_."

"Umm…Tom…I…" Rachel didn't know what to say. And she _really _didn't know how to bring up the little fact that the biggest part of the admission hadn't actually occurred yet!

"Rachel, just promise me that you will not bottle this up. Tell me that you will deal with this, not bury it. Something that I now know will be a whole lot easier for you to do with so few people knowing the truth. I also don't want this lie to have any impact on any decisions you might otherwise feel it is necessary and appropriate to make." He spoke the last part meaningfully. Hoping she would understand and agree.

It took her a minute, but when she did her eyes went wide. "Tom, I've already said that…"

"I know what you said, Rachel." Tom interrupted before she could restate her meaningless decision. "But you made that decision without any real option to the contrary. So, as far as I'm concerned it's invalid until you are given an actual viable choice in the matter. _Both of you_…"

"Tom, you can't change it. The facts are the facts…"

"Well I am going to change it, be assured of that. You don't need to know how, we haven't worked out all the details yet, but be assured that within a reasonable amount of time both you and Alisha will have an actual legitimate choice to make on how you proceed in your_ situations_…safely." He spoke resolutely.

Rachel was silent for several long moments, considering the Captain's heartfelt assurance. She didn't doubt him. She couldn't, not when he was like this. She had seen this determination on his face many times and at those times he had never failed to accomplish exactly what he had set out to do.

She just didn't know exactly how _she_ felt about it…and then there was the rather complicating factor of whether he would be so ok with her 'fixing' this, if people believed he was responsible for it. Yes, that would be a rather heavily complicating factor…

"Well, I'm glad about that…" She finally spoke, but hesitantly.

"You are?" He spoke with genuine curiosity. But there was something else in his tone… Surprise? Concern?

"Yes." Rachel answered honestly. "For Alisha's sake…" She clarified. "Very glad. She has had so much power taken away from her. She desperately needs some returned to her and this is the most valuable piece of control that could be returned to her hands. Thank you." She meant it too, and she could easily thank him now because there was simply no doubt that he would come through. He always did.

"What about you?" Tom tone of voice could best be described and…_affectionately impatient_. Yet again she was shifting the focus as far away from herself as possible. Basically ignoring that she was in almost the exact same boat as Alisha.

Rachel was so tempted to pretend ignorance. But she thought better of it when she judged that it was highly likely to antagonize him, and highly _unlikely_ to actually help her avoid the question in the end.

"Do I have to decide now?" She questioned.

"Of course not. But are you now admitting that there is a decision to make? That this is something you _might_ do?"

"Umm…maybe…?" Rachel felt so bad, she still hadn't told him what Alisha believed about the paternity of the child, what the whole ship would be apt to believe if he supported her in her lie. Which at this stage he was indicating he intended to…

Oh god… She had been so busy worrying about how everyone else was dealing with this that she honestly didn't know how the hell she felt herself, or what the hell she would do given a realistic choice…

Rachel knew she had dreams, daydreams more like. But none of those could be termed as remotely realistic. And the absolute last thing she wanted was to guilt, pressure and trap the Captain into something he did not want. But she was very much afraid that she had already done just that. And he didn't even know it yet...

_Shit!_

"Maybe '_question mark'_? _Are you asking me_?" The lack of evidence that he was seeing that she was giving her own wellbeing and personal desire any thought at all was what was truly worrying him…and frankly pissing him off!

"I don't know, ok! I don't know!" And it was then that she could no longer hold back what had again been long threatening. A sob broke from her throat and traitorous tears streaked down her cheeks, only to be impatiently removed in short order by a shirt sleeve on a mission to remove all trace of them. When she was finished her face looked more red and blotchy then when she had started, her cheeks having been rubbed raw by the course sleeve of her jacket.

Tom immediately felt guilt. She was guilty of nothing but a having a too large heart and he had attacked her for it. Tom was well aware that Rachel had chosen distance for this encounter, but he found himself unable to continue to abide by that wish, so he moved to sit beside her on the couch.

His strong desire was to gather her weary form up into his strong arms…but he thought better of the too fervent action in her fragile state. Instead he took her hand, the renewed contact like a palm to him…he hoped to her as well.

"Rachel, I'm sorry, I know this is not your fault…" His tried to sooth, but she cut him off.

"Yes it is!" She was looking at him now, desperation written on her features, fresh tears again staining their way down her cheeks.

"Why, Rachel?! How? I've told you before that you are in no way responsible for any of the terrible things that happened back in Baltimore. And I have said that I understand and accept why you didn't tell Alisha. Nothing you have done is wrong! Everything you have done is clearly to protect others…it's why I'm so worried about _you._

Rachel averted her gaze them, she couldn't help it. He was so sincere, so understanding…and she had betrayed him so badly.

Tom heart wrenched when she looked away from him, seemingly even more miserable then before. It was then the he muttered a silent 'to hell with it' and gathered her into his arms, to hell with the distance her distressed countenance seemed to call for. He just had to hold her…now! He could hold his body and his base instinct's back no longer.

He was at first afraid when she did not immediate yield into his arms, her form shocked and unyielding. But then she relaxed, becoming almost boneless against him. He was glad that she was accepting the contact willingly, but his anxiety rose again when he felt more than heard a heavy sob escape and fall against his chest.

He then heard/felt something else too… She was saying something, muttering something into his shirt along with her tears…

"Rachel? What is it? I can't hear you…" He entreated softly, gently pulling her just slightly away from him so that her answer would not be again muffled by the contact of their bodies.

"There's…more..." She mumbled on heavy sob.

"More what, Rachel?" He deliberately kept his tone soft, but he couldn't deny he was getting that feeling again…

Sniff… "More I haven't…" Sniff… "told you…" Sniff…

"What?"

Rachel pulled back, not breaking their contact, but she needed to be looking at him, she needed to give him that. She needed to stop being a coward, and she defiantly needed to put an end to letting him give her praise and comfort that she_ knew_ she did not deserve. Thought she couldn't deny how nice his arms felt… No, focus!

Rachel sighed, drew strength from…somewhere! And lifted her gaze to Tom's.

"Tom…this…this is so much worse than you think... What…_what I've done_ _to you_ is so much worse than you think…" She hesitated then, her nerve so close to abandoning her completely. "Tom…" She failed but stated again. "I…Alisha…she didn't just make the assumption that…_this_…had happened on the ship… she also made an assumption about…_who else was involved._" The last words were said on a single hurried exhalation. Her resolve had been so very close to failing her that she just had to spit them out or risk losing the ability to say them all together.

At first neither spoke, neither moved. Both were thinking, considering. Rachel was wondering how many more microseconds she was going to be allowed the luxury of the Captain's arms around her...before it ended for good. Tom was busy mentally deciphering the true and complete meaning of the words she had clearly been so afraid to speak.

_'__Worse than you think...'_

_'__What I've done to __**you**__…'_

_'__Who else was involved…'_

She knew the moment he figured it out. She felt him tense, saw his gaze widen and then shutter again just as quickly. A clear and deliberate attempt to hide his true reaction from her…his disgust from her, of what she'd really done to him.

The true depraved extent of her lie.

Physically he did not pull away, but emotionally she could feel the distance widen with every second of heavy silence that passed them by…

TBC

Sneak Peak:

_"__I don't think you can do any wrong in your crew's eyes, Tom. I will be the wicked woman who seduced and trapped you when you were at your most vulnerable..."_

LSLSLS

Attention: I wanted to make people aware of a very unfair thing that is happening to Pandora576's Last Ship Vids on YouTube, they are being stolen! Someone has downloaded and then re-uploaded several of them under their own account with no reference to Pandora whatsoever. And before anyone asks, the diplomatic route has already been attempted to resolve this issue. Pandora commented very politely on one of the videos asking this person why they re-uploaded a video that she had made. Today we learned this person had responded to this very fair question by deleting her comment and disabling all commenting on that particular video. Needless to say, the diplomatic route has failed. It should also be noted that this person has taken another LS Vid (Unconditionally by jhenyy lives) Neither Pandora or I believe that officially reporting this misuse is the wisest course of action given the 'iffy' legal territory that fan made videos already exist in. But if anyone else wants to join me in voicing their displeasure to this person for their misuse and rudeness to Pandora, their account info is below. (add the web address extension to the basic YouTube home address to find the page) Note: In the likely event that this person proceeds to delete and prevent further comments on the other stolen Vids, there is always the discussion section too. I also hope we can all offer Pandora all the encouragement and support we feel for her in this. As I'm sure you can all imagine, she is not feeling particularly motivated to make anymore of her wonderful videos right now… :-(

Web address extension: /channel/UCEaN0ER8GvAGxcvp3XXuLKQ/videos

A/N: Hope everyone likes how this conversation is playing out thus far, fair chunk of next chapter written so hopefully it won't be too long of a wait for you guys this time. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated and a fabulously enjoyable method of writing motivation. ;-)


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