Castle 1. Chapter One

_AND after the LONG tedious world of Stage Managing musicals I am back and have finally started the continuation. Thank you to all who read and reviewed "Playing with Fire" and asked me to continue...this is for you and I hope that you like it!_

_Reviews/comments are MUCH loved and appreciated...always helps to know if there is a reason to keep writing :)_

_To my lovely, lovely betas - Stella, Marjo and Nick - you are the most amazing people in the world!_

_**Disclaimer - **I do not own Castle...sadly :(_

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><p>The woods are lovely, dark and deep<p>

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

And miles to go before I sleep.

Robert Frost, _Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening_

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><p>Richard Castle was panicking and he knew it. He was experiencing all the classic symptoms - his chest was tightening, his fingers were tingling, his head was pounding and he could not catch his breath. - Yes, he was definitely in panic mode. He was trying to stay calm, with the mantra <em>just keep calm, just keep calm<em> running through his mind – but it was more and more difficult with each second Katherine Beckett did not answer her phone. He tried again, the phone mocking him with its continual ringing, and with each trill of the ringtone, his panic rose. She _always_ picked up her phone before the sixth…seventh…eighth ring. – but not tonight – and that was the cause of his rising panic. It had been a week since the _Heat Wave_ premiere. Just a week since the night Kate Beckett professed she remembered his graveyard confession of love. Only a week since they had decided to be together... A whole week since the mysterious caller had told him to decide.

_Whom do you protect?_ Echoed through his mind and sent chills racing down his spine. The voice had seemed so dark, so calculating, so…_calm_. He still was not certain if he should construe the words as a simple question, or as a threat. A question of his dedication, his loyalty…his love; that he could handle, but a threat? How could he protect his family and Kate at the same time?

When the call went to her voice mail once again he hung up the phone, grabbed his keys and his coat and ran from his loft. He quickly locked the door and, skipping the slow-moving elevator, pushed open the door to his building's stairwell. He took the stairs two at a time, nearly tripping down at least half of them, his heart pounding relentlessly in his throat. Once he escaped the building he hailed a cab. He climbed into the bright yellow vehicle, directing the cab driver to Kate Beckett's address as he dialed her again. He allowed the scream he had been holding in to escape his throat when she again did not answer, making the cab driver start slightly and gaze at him disapprovingly in the rear view mirror.

"Sorry." He said as the cab driver narrowed his eyes at him and then looked back to the road. After the sixth time she did not answer he started to fidget in his seat and wondered why the cab was not moving fast enough. An eternity later, they arrived in front of her building and he pushed the door open falling from the cab as he tossed bills at the driver yelling "keep the change" as he rushed to the door of Kate's building. He pulled out his keys, found the one labeled "KB" and stuck it in the keyhole. With his first obstacle tackled, he raced up the stairs – two at a time, and tripping less this time – to her door. With his keys still in his hand he unlocked her door and stumbled into her apartment screaming her name at the top of his lungs.

"KATE!" he looked around her apartment, frantically searching for any sign of her.

"Castle? What the hell?" he turned toward the sound of her voice and saw her standing in her bedroom doorway. Her eyebrows were raised and he saw she had one headphone bud in her hand, with the other in her ear connected to the back pocket of her jeans where he guessed her iPod rested. He could hear the faint strains of Def Leppard seeping from the speakers as he ran to her and engulfed her in his arms. Kate's arms encircled his waist and she could feel his labored breathing crackling in his chest as it pressed against hers. She felt his hand in her hair clinging to the back of her skull as he placed soft kisses on the top of her head.

"Rick…" she said quietly, "What's going on?" He pulled away from her just enough to look at her, just enough to see the look in her soft green and gold flecked irises. He could not stop a tear from falling down his cheek. Kate lifted her hand to his cheek to wipe the tear away, letting her palm linger on his warm skin. "Rick?" He placed his hands on either side of her face as she let her hands move to rest on his hips.

"I called, you didn't pick up. I panicked…" his voice trailed off as his eyes closed.

"I was cleaning…had my headphones in." She started to explain.

"I figured, once I saw the buds in your ears…"

"After you busted in here?"

"Well…"

"You know, we exchanged keys in case of emergency…"

"Yeah…"

"So you figured me not answering my phone was an emergency?"

"Well…" He said slowly, looking from her face to the floor and began to examine the grooves in her floorboards, his hands falling from her face. She placed her hand under his chin and lifted his eyes to meet hers. He could not help the small smile that took over his face when he saw the look in her eyes.

"Oh, haha, cute!"

"HA! You know…that never gets old!"

"Thanks for messing with me when I'm freaking out over your safety!" He tried to put on a hurt and dejected face, but she had seen it many times before and it always made her laugh.

"I'm sorry…"

"Well, considering the last time I tried to call you and you didn't pick up a mad man nearly blew you up…I think I have a right to panic when you don't pick up your phone!" his earlier fear started seeping into his voice and her heart fluttered as she heard the terror.

"Hey…" she said, concern in her voice as she drew his eyes back towards her. "You're really upset…"

"It's nothing really, I overreacted."

"I'm sorry I teased you." Before he could respond she applied just enough pressure to her hands, which were still resting on his hips, and pulled him to her as their lips touched. She was so warm and inviting and he let his hands roam her face and neck, before finally burying them in her long, loose waves. She let herself linger in the moment as they slowly discovered each other's mouths, biting lips and tongues intertwining. When they finally broke apart they were both breathless and holding tightly to one another. Her hands roamed over the muscles of his back as his traced the delicate features of her face.

"Are you really okay?" she finally asked.

"Yeah. I'm just glad you're alright." He said, a breathless quality in his voice.

"I'm fine, Rick."

"I can see that NOW!" he smiled as she pushed him away and grabbed her iPod from her back pocket. She turned the stream of music off and wrapped her headphones around the device as she walked toward her kitchen island and unlocked her iPhone. She touched the screen and pulled up her missed calls list.

"Six missed calls in…less than ten minutes. That's impressive."

"Just keep it coming…"

"No, I'm done now. So you staying for a bit or are you going to skulk out of here?"

"Stay, huh?"

"Not like that…" she said with raised eyebrows. _Wasn't that line normally his? God what has he done to me?_ She mused as she walked back toward her room, passing him in the process.

"Like what then?"

"How about dinner? I'm starving…"

"Well you've been 'cleaning', and that always makes me hungry" he said, making her laugh with his use of finger, air quotes over the word "and, of course, ignoring your boyfriend's phone calls. Makes him feel very wanted."

"I was cleaning!"

"Still doesn't mean you can ignore your phone…"

"I apologize! I will keep my phone on me at all times!" she leaned in and kissed him quickly on the lips, backing away she fixed him with what he could only call her bedroom eyes, making his heart beat quicken and his head go fuzzy: "Better?"

"Oh, yeah." He sighed.

"So Chinese work for you?" she asked, drawing his attention back to her. From the look on his face she knew where his mind had wandered and she raised her eyebrows at him as her hands found her slender hips. "Castle?"

"Yeah," he startled, "Yeah, Chinese sounds good…"

"Great. I'm gonna go change." She turned to walk toward her bedroom and looked back over her shoulder to drop a quick wink in his direction. He closed his eyes as his arm reached out for the nearest wall to keep him from falling over. All he could think at that moment was how much he loved Kate Beckett. Then once again his mind wandered over the words he had rehearsed a hundred times, maybe even a thousand, in his head – _I've been investigating your mom's murder behind your back. They said they would kill you if you kept going…I couldn't lose you again. They said they would kill you._ Nothing sounded right…

Less than a minute later, Kate exited her room in dark skinny jeans and a gray V-neck tee, interrupting his musings. She sat down at her kitchen island to put her black flats on and then looked up to find Castle's eyes fixed on her. Smiling she straightened up and met his gaze with her own:

"Enjoying yourself, Castle?"

"Fantastic view…" he responded with a flick of his eyebrows. He walked to her and extended his hand. Kate placed her hand in his and stood from the stool. She grabbed her purse off the table, making certain he noticed her place her phone inside, then drew out her keys.

"Ready?"

"Let's go." He said.

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><p>They walked from her apartment in the chilled fall air and in the darkness she allowed herself to reach for his hand, relishing in the warmth of his touch as it radiated up her arm. Kate glanced at him, and in the light of the street lamps she could just make out the smile that spread across his face. It was a quiet night in Manhattan and she realized she was perfectly content walking along the street, hand-in-hand, with him. They arrived at the small Chinese restaurant less then ten minutes after leaving her apartment and the hostess led them to a small table near the back, where they sat, with their knees touching under the table. Menus were offered and drinks ordered, and the entire time he was fixated on her – memorizing the way her features looked in the soft glow of the ambient light of the restaurant.<p>

"Ok, how did you even find this place?" he finally asked after their drinks were set down in front of them.

"I was wandering around one night after I moved in, just getting a feel for the neighborhood, when I stumbled across it. I came in and tried their Tea Smoked Duck and was hooked. Ended up talking with the owners – adorable little Chinese couple and their three children – who immigrated here from the Sichuan Province." She pointed to an older woman standing at the entrance to the kitchen and Castle smiled.

"Cause just walking past it you would think it was a dump…" he said quietly.

"Oh it's definitely a little hole in the wall…"

"I'd say so!"

"Don't count it out yet. Trust me – the food is amazing!"

"Alright, Detective, I'm game. What would you suggest?"

"I would go with the La Zi Ji – Chicken with Chili or dandan mian – the DanDan noodles."

"And you will be having?"

"The Tea Smoked Duck…I've tried everything else and it's still my favorite!" The waitress approached the table again and took their order. Castle ended up ordering both the Chicken with Chili and the DanDan Noodles, deciding that whatever they didn't finish could be taken home for Alexis. Once the food arrived, however, he noticed how they quickly began sharing portions of their dishes. A spoonful here, a quick bite there…every time she looked at him he couldn't help but smile, which lit up his face and made her cheeks flush. Though as much as he tried not to think about it, his thoughts continued to wander to the words he could not utter to her. _Please, tell me you'll forgive me._

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><p>He was looking at his phone again. Kate could barely remember Castle being so completely quiet, and it was starting to unnerve her. Normally their companionable silence was welcomed and satisfying. Tonight though, something was off and she could not put her finger on it. He might be walking right next to her, but his mind was somewhere else, far off.<p>

After dinner they had decided to take the longer path back to her apartment, which conveniently passed right by one of her favorite coffee shops in the area – a fact she had not mentioned to him. Kate struggled to keep the smile from overtaking her face as they neared the corner where the tiny café rested. Just before they rounded the corner, her pulling faintly on his hand to make certain he was following, he slowed. Startled she turned toward him, her smile fading slightly.

"We have to head back this way" she said pointing in the direction she intended, "to get back to my place. You alright?" she let her head fall just to the side and gazed at him through narrowed eyes her lips coming apart just so as she contemplated the look on his face.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." He said halfheartedly. He knew she could tell he was lying. He was not fine and he was not certain he could convince her he was.

"Rick…" she said stepping closer to him and grabbed his other hand, enveloping it in hers. He looked down at their clasped hands as she drew them up in between their chests. He took a deep breath in an attempt to gather his courage, _just get it over with_.

"Kate, there's something…"

"Beckett?" "Castle?" the familiar voices from the dimly lit street behind him resounded in the stillness of the nighttime around them and they both looked in the direction of the sound.

"Lanie, Espo?" Kate said as they both instinctively moved from each other. Instantly her fingers, arms and chest felt heavy and chilled without the weight and warmth of him near. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Javier wanted to try out that Italian place we went to two weeks ago" Lanie said motioning toward Kate.

"She's been raving about it since you went, so I figured I should try it."

"And?" Kate asked as she crossed her arms over her chest trying to regain a portion of the warmth she felt with hers and Castle's hands clasped in between them…radiating heat.

"It was good…" he said. Kate noticed Lanie roll her eyes and then smack him in the arm lightly.

"Javier! Please…"

"What? It was."

"Oh, it was good."

"Yeah, that's what I said."

"This from the man who was practically moaning in ecstasy before the entrée even came out."

"What? I was not…" Esposito began.

"Don't even get me started about the dessert!"

"That was the most amazing Tiramisu I've ever had, it was like heaven…" he whispered intently toward Lanie's ear. Though not low enough for their companions to miss even a word he said.

"Heaven, really?" Castle said jokingly. "You've tasted heaven?" Before the words were even out of his mouth he felt the sharp jab from Kate's elbow in his side and he sputtered in an attempt to catch the words and shove them back into his mouth.

"Well…" he said with an eyebrow raised as he turned seductively toward Lanie. Before another word could escape his lips Lanie hastily placed a hand over his mouth as she met Kate's eyes.

"Baby…not going there." Lanie stated sweetly but emphatically, with just a hint of what Castle could only call her _one more word and I will show you how my scalpel works_ voice. He recognized it because it was eerily similar to Kate's _one more word and I will show you how my Taser works_ voice. Neither one held much hope for the receiver if he wanted to remain possessed of all of his appendages.

"So what about you two?" Lanie asked with that tone in her voice making Kate raise an eyebrow in her best friend's direction.

"What about us?" Castle asked.

"What are two doing out here, it's getting a little late."

"Well, just finished a case and decided dinner would be good…" Castle said.

"Yeah which is why WE were out…" Esposito said once Lanie removed her hand from his face. "And Ryan and Jenny went out for the night as well. You guys just decided you might as well get some dinner and take a walk…just the two of you…" For some reason Kate's narrowed eyes did not have the effect on Esposito that it had on Castle and Ryan and she did not like it. She was staring him down, and he was staring right back at her. _Damn, Espo, _she screamed at him in her head willing him to back down. But he was a cop too, and though she was an excellent bluffer he was also a good interrogator.

"Actually Beckett had other plans but I showed up all whiney and lonely and she took pity on me. Alexis is out with her friends and mother had class tonight, and as I was all by my lonesome in the loft I decided to go bug her and drag her away from her oh, so exciting night of cleaning her apartment."

"You know what, maybe I actually LIKE cleaning…"

"Beckett, no one likes cleaning. They do it because they have to or they need to, not because they want to!"

"Then who in the world cleans up after you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"If you don't clean, and I know Martha doesn't…did Alexis? And now that she's at school? Who keeps you from looking and smelling like Pig Pen?"

"Pig Pen?" Esposito chimed in.

"Charlie Brown…" Castle and Kate answered in unison causing Lanie and Esposito to share an eyebrow raised look, which was punctuated with sly smiles.

"I do know how to clean and do laundry you know, I'm not a complete hobo."

"Oh, but you only do it when it's absolutely necessary…"

"Well…" she had that look on her face. The look that said she had just backed him into a corner and she had won. He hated that face, yet loved it all in the same breath, and he was overcome with the desire to wipe it from her face with a series of intense kisses that would leave them both gasping for air. He had never hated Esposito and Lanie – but in that moment, he was very close to it.

"So you just decided to get some dinner and then walk around? Just the two of you?"

"Well, like you said" Kate began, turning from Castle toward Lanie and Esposito "you guys were busy and Ryan and Jenny were doing date night, we didn't want to disturb you…"

"And like I said, Mother and Alexis are both out and Jim is…" he trailed off looking to Kate.

"At the cabin…" Kate finished, "for another week."

"So who else would we have to hang out with except each other?" Lanie narrowed her eyes at the couple and shifted her gaze back and forth – Rick, Kate, Rick again – studying them like lab rats. She was turning her keen ME eyes on them and it made Castle squirm a bit. All he could think was that it was a good thing the people who see that look the most are already dead, cause it would likely unnerve them completely. At least that's what it was doing it to him. He looked to Kate and was amazed to see her meeting Lanie's gaze with her own. No wonder they were such good friends – they both had similar tricks.

"Lanie, come on we should get going, it's getting late. Let these two get back to…hanging out" he said with a tone that made Kate imagine he would be utilizing the finger air quotes if he knew it would not get him smacked and/or shot.

"Sure. Night Kate. Night Castle." Lanie said, that sing song quality in her voice that told Kate she would be getting a phone call from her friend very soon to discuss certain perceived truths about tonight's encounter. Lanie slipped her arm through Esposito's and they turned and walked back the way they had come. Kate closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, Castle was standing back in front of her.

"That was close." He said.

"Yes it was. God, what were they doing over here? Neither one of them really lives that close – they're at least 15 blocks away."

"Um Kate…"

"What?"

"Do you not realize how far you walked us?"

"What?"

"We're actually further from your place than you think…"

"What are you talking about?" she moved away from him and toward the corner. "I have a great sense of direction. The café I go to almost every weekend with my dad is right…" she turned the corner and looked into the café window. Only it was not a café. She was looking directly into a Moroccan Restaurant. "What the hell?" she registered her own surprise and the laughter behind her at the same time. "What are you laughing about?" she said as she rounded on him.

"Nothing."

"Oh, I don't think so, Mr. Castle."

"Just…you and your sense of direction…"

"Shut up." She said as she smacked him lightly on the upper arm making him laugh harder.

"Maybe we should just head back to your place, it's getting late."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Want me to lead?" she fixed him with narrowed eyes as he began to walk just ahead of her.

"Yuck it up, writer boy!"

"Ouch, low blow!"

"Well, it's your own damn fault." Standing even with him she took a step forward, walking back in the direction they had come from.

"Um…" Castle hummed and stopped walking.

"What now?" she turned toward him but kept moving ever so slightly backwards as she examined him.

"You sure you want to go back the same way Lanie and Esposito just left?"

"Yeah why?"

"Do you think they're far enough ahead of us?"

"What's wrong, Castle, you don't think you'll be able to contain yourself walking along the street?" he could almost feel the sarcasm dripping off her voice it was so thick.

"I am containing myself just fine, thank you, Detective. It's you I'm worried about."

"Me?"

"Yeah…"

"Why me?"

"Because you're the one who almost outed us back there, in case you hadn't noticed."

"I did not!"

"Oh, yes you did."

"How did I almost out us?"

"Please, you could barely even form a sentence when they asked us what we were doing out here together."

"That is not…"

"Yes it is…and I am SO going to win this bet!" he gave a small fist pump in the air making her roll her eyes. Ah, how he loved it when she did that.

"You?"

"Yup."

"Win the bet?"

"That's what I said."

"That'll be the day…"

"Oh just wait, Detective. I will be the very picture of decorum and YOU will not be able to keep your hands off me. Just give it time."

"If anyone is going to be winning that bet - it's me, because YOU can't keep your mouth shut! You just always have to be making some coy, flirty, dirty little comment."

"Yes see, that would be the point, even if I do it now…they won't think anything of it because I do it all the time!" He let a wink fall in her direction before he began walking back toward her apartment once again leaving her standing on the barely lit sidewalk with narrowed eyes trained on him and her lips pursed into a smile. She knew he was probably right and she was cursing herself for agreeing to the stupid bet. But she was stronger than he and more resolved to not be the one to cave, to be sure that she was not the reason their friends and co-workers found out about them. _Alright, Castle_, she thought as she caught up to him and slipped her hand into his, _let's see just how reserved you can be._

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><p>She looked at her watch for the tenth time in less than a minute. It was still 10:58pm. Looking around the parking level one more time to ensure no one was watching, she took a deep breath in.<p>

"You know you really should be more careful." She started slightly as she heard the low voice behind her. She turned toward her companion with narrowed eyes.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Anyone could surprise you the way you're looking around…didn't I tell you to make sure you have a wall to your back?"

"How could I possibly forget that?" she asked mockingly fixing him with a small smile. "You know, Jeremiah, we could always do this the easy way." She said.

"Oh Victoria, where would the fun be in that?" she could hear the slight smile in his voice even if she could not see it.

"What did you need to see me about?"

"What do you think?" his voice low and serious.

"Him or her?"

"Him." Jeremiah Smith responded. Victoria Gates took another deep breath. This time she held it in and closed her eyes before she exhaled. She opened her eyes and fixed the older man with a direct stare, lips thinned into a line.

"What about him?"

"He's been digging."

"What?" her incredulity and irritation seeping out of her tone.

"He's been going at Jordan Norris."

"For?"

"For the name, what else?"

"_Castle_." She said under her breath, an undercurrent of agitation and disbelief edging her voice.

"You _really_ don't like him do you?"

"Not particularly…especially now. Why is he digging into this?"

"Victoria, you know why."

"Beckett." She said plainly looking to him.

"And he's going to get himself, and her killed."

"Her safety is predicated on HER involvement in the case not his. She should be safe; that was the deal Roy made. That was the deal you made!"

"But they could take him out…and then what do you think she'll do?"

"You really think they would be stupid enough to throw kerosene on a wild fire? Because you and I both know that if they do anything to Castle…it would only serve to make Beckett more determined to get to them. Nothing would be able to stop her - not me, not anyone."

"I think they'll do whatever they think they need to in order to finally take her out. If that means taking him out first…" he trailed off and met her eyes.

"What do you expect me to do, Jeremiah?"

"I expect you to make certain she is safe and that he doesn't do something rash."

"Basically making sure they don't act like themselves, oh certainly, that will be so simple." She responded with an air of sarcasm.

"You have to try Victoria."

"You know I will." She said after a moment.

"I know…" he responded. He turned from her and began to walk away; the sound of her voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Jeremiah…" he turned back toward her and fixed his gaze on hers. He noticed her eyes were shinning slightly, a list mist clouding them almost imperceptibly. Anyone else would likely have never noticed it. "Do you really think they would do something to him? Just to keep their indiscretions from coming to light?"

"Victoria…you were IA. You know better than most what lengths people will go to protect themselves, their careers, the lives they've built. Underestimating their misguided, primal need to preserve that may be your Detective's biggest downfall. Roy tried…"

"And if she did not even listen to him…"

"Why would she ever listen to you?"

"Exactly."

"Victoria, I came here because Roy respected you. He trusted you. He said that I could as well and I'm hoping he was right." He regarded her with a last look of concern and then turned to walk away leaving Victoria Gates staring at the empty, dimly lit parking garage around her.


	2. Chapter Two

_AND Chapter 2 - hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading, again!_

As always - for my incredible Betas - you are the best!

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><p>Kate woke before her alarm sounded. She unlocked her phone and checked to ensure the familiar sound of a body drop notification was not the cause of her early disturbance, but there were no calls; just a text. She pressed the small green icon on her home screen and could not suppress the smile that erupted when she noticed it was from him. Her writer had texted her just two simple words at 6:30am: <em>Miss you<em>.

Had it been anyone else, Kate may have been disturbed or upset by those words. She might try to read too much into their meaning or the subtext behind them and felt smothered or tempted to look for a reason not to answer. But not this morning, _not with him_. She looked to the clock on her bedside table, and let the glowing red numbers seer into her retinas. Normally, by 7:45am, they would have been working a crime scene. They had just finished a case and by the next morning, after all the paperwork was done, they would have normally caught another body. Not this time, and she knew he was probably a little uncertain as to what to do with himself…much in the same way she was not.

Beckett rolled onto her back and sighed deeply, allowing air to rush from her lungs and leaving her head slightly buzzed in the process. She closed her eyes, running a hand over her face in an attempt to wipe the latent drowsiness from her entire being, with only mild success. She grabbed her phone once again, and after unlocking the screen again, sent the reply: _Up writing?_

In less than a minute the trill of her ringtone announced a new text: _Now why would I be writing? ;)_

Beckett laughed and rolled her eyes. Her phone buzzed again and she opened another text: _Stop rolling your eyes._

_God, how does he do that?_ She thought as she pulled up her contact list and called him, a goofy smile plastered to her face. He answered before the second ring could finish reverberating in her ear.

"Morning, Detective!"

"Morning, Castle."

"What are you doing up so early if I may ask?" his voice was chipper, and for reasons she could not explain, it sent chills shooting down the length of her body.

"You were the one texting me at 6:30am! Why were you up that early?"

"Couldn't sleep…" he said with a sigh.

"And why was that, pray tell?" she asked as she sat up in bed, leaning her upper body against the headboard. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped one arm around her legs, before allowing her head to fall to her shoulder.

"Well…for starters…" he began, his voice lowering. A fact he knew would not be lost on her. "I had dinner with the most amazing woman…"

"Really?"

"Yeah…I walked her back to her place and we stayed up until after 1am this morning talking…"

"Talking, really? How chivalrous of you, kind sir…" he could hear the smile in her voice and it made his heart quicken.

"Well, I am a gentleman."

"That you are."

"So, did you call for a particular reason or did you just want to hear my sultry, morning voice?"

"You caught me, Castle. I can't resist the sultry, morning voice." Oh, how he loved _that _tone in her voice. He knew it so well – it was the same voice (and he would bet even money it was the same face) she used when dismissing his inquiries about what she might do with her days if she ever won the lottery. His smile widened just remembering her saying 'American gladiator'. "Castle?"

Her voice barely registered in his ear and realized he had let his mind wander. The silence on the other end of the line was broken with a breathy giggle; _his Detective just giggled,_ as she realized that he must have picked up on her tone, drawing his attention elsewhere very quickly and completely.

"You keep that up and the gentleman might just have to take a holiday." He said gruffly, before she heard him groan.

"OK, what was that noise for?"

"Oh, sorry…I'm in the office and my chair just gets a bit uncomfortable after a while if I don't sit right."

"You're in your office?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you said you weren't writing…"

"I'm not." He said plainly, trying to keep his voice neutral. Maybe, just maybe, if she could not see his face then she would not be able to tell he was lying. But this was Kate Beckett he was talking to, and he was not surprised when his luck did not hold.

"_Castle…_" she said with a quiet determination in her voice, along with a hint of that calculating tone – the one she used in interrogations that always made the suspect she was staring down begin to squirm in their chair. She was zeroing in and he knew – as he sat and tried to look away from the smart board – that this was not the way to tell her. He could not do it over the phone. It would be too easy for her to just hang up and not speak to him, to re-build that wall – the one they had just begun to chisel away – back up and fortify it. No, he had to tell her in person, when he could look into her eyes and make certain she understood why he could not say the words, why he kept going on all the while holding her back. _They said they would kill you. I couldn't lose you again…I couldn't._ The words echoed through his mind for the thousandth time and he closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath as he placed his elbow on the desktop and let his head fall into his hand.

"Castle," she said more persistent this time.

"Yeah" he responded, trying to keep his voice even.

"Is everything..." she was cut off mid sentence by the trilling of her ringtone in her ear. He heard her voice, a bit farther off indicating she had moved the phone from her ear instinctively as she cursed her iPhone just under her breath. "Hey," she said as she brought the phone closer to her mouth, "that's the station. I should get it. I'll call you right back if it's a body…" she said quickly.

"Sure thing." He said as the line went dead.

~~x~~x~~x~~

Kate knew there was something Castle was not saying. With every moment they spent in silence, or every time he surreptitiously checked his phone, she could feel something inside her stir, telling her that he was holding back. She just could not put her finger on what it was, so she let it slide. Chalking it up to her own misguided relationship paranoia – paranoia over messing up her relationship with him – Kate let it lie. She was working so hard on that: learning to just let things go. And if she was being totally honest, she had not shared everything with him either. He still did not know she had bi-weekly appointments with a therapist.

In their last session, which was only two days after the _Heat Wave _premiere, Dr. Burke had urged her to open up to Castle…maybe even invite him to a session. But there was something that kept her from doing so. She was still so afraid, and sitting in her bedroom as the early morning light filtered through the blinds on her windows, she knew it was only partially because she felt he was holding back. She was terrified of what he already was to her, what he meant to her…all the things he forced her to feel. She thought she was ready for this – no, she was, IS, ready for this – but…

"Beckett?" the voice on the other end of the phone barked in her ear and she started.

"Hmm?"

"Are you paying attention, Detective?"

"Yes sir, of course I am. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Be sure to get Ryan and Esposito in here as well." Captain Gates said with a clipped tone, and the other end of the line went dead.

"Yes, sir." Kate said into the silence, just barely holding back the impulse to bust out a sarcastic salute to her Captain even if the woman would not see it. She sighed heavily and looked back at her phone. No messages and no calls had come through while she was talking to Gates. She typed out a quick text to Castle – _It was Gates, just some 'discrepancies' in our paperwork for the Wynter case. You can come help if you like._

She could not suppress the sigh that escaped her lips as she fell heavily into her pillows. She turned her head slightly toward the clock. Almost 8am. Kate pushed herself up to a sitting position, laced her fingers together and stretched her arms straight above her head, hearing a few disconcerting pops and cracks in the process.

Finally forcing herself out of bed, Kate nearly yelped out loud when her bare feet hit the cold hardwood floor. She kept forgetting that in New York City once the temperature fell below 50 degrees, the chill tended to settle into the very grooves of the floor. Kate had not expected the temperature to drop so far, but in the middle of the night she had slipped from the comfort of her warm bed to raise the thermostat due to the chill permeating the very walls of her apartment. It was unseasonably cold for October and part of her was wondering if the weather was playing a cruel joke – mimicking her emotions, her fears.

She checked her phone once more: still no reply from Castle. She sighed, threw the phone down on the mattress and made her way to the bathroom.

~~x~~x~~x~~

Just over two hours later, Beckett sat on the edge of her desk staring at an empty murder board. It made her lonely…and sad. It was also driving her crazy. She felt like it was mocking her somehow…God, she needed to stop spending so much time with Castle and his tendency to anthropomorphize inanimate objects.

"Shouldn't you be fixing paper work?" the low voice resounded in her ear and she turned to see Javier Esposito, staring at her intently.

"Shouldn't YOU be fixing paper work?" she tossed back at him, raising an eyebrow and pursing her lips in the process.

"I already did my portion."

"Sure you did..." Beckett responded incredulously, which made Esposito hand the file folders he was holding to her – a smirk gracing his face. She grudgingly took the folders from him and set them on the desk behind her.

"Not going to look at it?"

"No, do I need to?"

"Well you know if it's not up to Gates' standards she's going to drag us in here repeatedly to "fix" it until it's right." She turned back to him and narrowed her eyes. Sighing, she finally abandoned her staring contest with the murder board and taking the file folder in her hand, sat down heavily in her desk chair. Her gaze surreptitiously fell to the chair beside her desk.

"Where's Castle?" Esposito asked, as she quickly averted her gaze from the chair and opened the file, splaying its contents on the desk in front of her.

"Don't know? Why?" she answered as nonchalantly as she could. He did not buy it, and she knew it. She could feel Esposito staring at her.

"Just curious…" He said, still eying her.

"Was there something else you wanted, Espo?" she asked, allowing the edge to slip just ever so slightly into her voice so he would get the hint that she was not giving in.

"Did you let him know it was just paperwork today, so we wouldn't have to hear him whine all morning about how boring it is?"

"Yeah." She said distractedly focusing her attention back on the file. He was still standing next to her desk, just to the side of Castle's chair. And he was still staring at her. She blew out a silent breath and pursed her lips then turned a very sarcastic and annoyed face toward him. "Was there anything else?"

"So, you talked to him this morning?"

"Yes…" she said easily.

"Ah, so you made sure to call him this morning?" there was a slight lilt in his voice, just barely there but years of interrogations had trained her to hears such things.

"If you're trying to make a point, please get to it so I can finish this…" she said pointing to the papers on her desk.

"Just…"

"Just what?" she was getting irritated and he could hear it; she could tell because he was smirking now. Seriously? Smirking? "Anything you'd like to share with the rest of the class, Espo?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing."

"Sorry?"

"What are you sharing?" A new voice interrupted as Ryan came up on Esposito's right side with two mugs filled with coffee and handed one to his partner. Esposito mumbled a thank you to Ryan and they both turned back to Beckett. Now she was really irritated and she needed coffee. She needed his coffee…_damn, Castle, where are you_?

"Beckett was just telling me she made sure to call Castle this morning." There was that tone again. Damn Esposito, and great, now Ryan was smirking at her as well.

"Really, now?"

"Yup." Esposito responded to his partner as they both folded their arms over their chests and stared Beckett down.

"Go to work…" she jabbed at them with the pen she realized she was holding a bit too tightly in her grasp.

"Nope, all done." Ryan said as he handed her a stack of papers.

"Seriously?" she said, her eyes widening as she took in the stack. _What have I been doing all morning?_

"So, if we had the same amount of work to do and Ryan and I are both done, but you're not…?" Esposito began, then looked to his partner.

"What have you been doing all morning?" Ryan finished, a small smile gracing his lips. She felt like smacking them both…_hard_.

"Shut up" Beckett responded and turned quickly away from them, back to the growing mound of paperwork needing her review lying in front of her. She could barely see them walking toward their desks, laughing and likely still smirking, talking about her…talking about her…and Castle. _God, I am NOT going to prove him right! _ She narrowed her eyes at the papers in front of her and, in one swift move, took Ryan and Esposito's stacks of work and placed it to the side in order to concentrate on her own work.

~~x~~x~~x~~

Beckett had made it almost half way through the stack of paperwork Gates had marked for revision nearly two hours later. Beckett swore Gates was only doing it to drive her insane and did not want to admit it was working. Beckett allowed her mind to wander, to that place where she imagined defying her boss (not her Captain, she still just could not call the woman Captain except when it was absolutely necessary). All the ways she could "stick one" to the man – in a sense – coming to her in a flash: from the little things (such as playing pranks in the precinct) to the large (finally just up and quitting if the woman said one more word about Castle being in the precinct).

Beckett smiled slightly, her paperwork once again forgotten, as she allowed her eyes to wander back to his chair. Part of her wondered if it might be time to get Castle an actual desk…but she never brought it up because then it would mean not having him there. Right there in that chair next to her desk – right next to _her_.

"Detective, I believe you're blushing…" the low voice in her ear, and the soft, warm breath on the side of her face made her heart flutter. She turned her head just in time to see Castle step out from behind her and take up position in his chair. He placed his right ankle on his left knee and handed her a white and brown cup – smiling at her. She accepted the coffee graciously and smiled in return.

"Thanks."

"So what, may I ask, were you thinking about?"

"Nothing…" she said quickly as she turned from him, back to the papers allowing a quick glance toward the other end of the bullpen. Ryan and Esposito were not at their desks and she scanned the room quickly finally finding them in the break room with their backs facing her and Castle. She turned back to Castle and leaned toward him, her arms on the desk in between them.

"So," he began with a breathy whisper and he could see her visually shiver.

"So?" she responded leaning in toward him, not enough to raise the suspicions of the uniforms and other detectives loitering around the bullpen but just enough to make the heat rise in her once again.

"Have dinner with me tonight?" he said softly ensuring only she could hear. "My place, 7 o'clock."

"Where have you been all morning?" At the sound of the voice, they whipped their heads around and landed on Ryan and Esposito walking back into the pen from the break room holding NYPD coffee mugs. Castle and Beckett separated begrudgingly and sat back in their seats. Beckett's eyes went back to her paperwork and Castle's wandered toward the empty murder board.

"We interrupt something?" Esposito's voice hit her ears.

"No." Beckett and Castle said in unison, trying desperately not to look toward each other in the process. Neither one missed the look passed between Ryan and Esposito.

"Really, now?" Ryan asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, really." Castle said.

"Uh huh…" Esposito said as he pursed his lips and began walking back toward his desk sipping his coffee.

"Did you want something, Ryan?" Beckett said when Ryan did not move from his spot.

"Just curious where Castle's been all morning."

"It's called work, Kevin." Castle responded.

"Sure it is…"

"You can walk away now." Castle said with that teasing tone in his voice Beckett could not help but find sexy. She loved the way her little brothers tended to haze Castle and vice versa. Never really got old.

"Uh huh…" Ryan said mimicking Esposito's tone and movements as he made his way back toward his desk. Beckett was startled when Gates' voice boomed into the bullpen breaking the relative silence which had settled in after Castle's appearance.

"Beckett." Every eye in the room turned to the petite woman as she moved from the doorway of her office to the empty space between desks right in front of Beckett.

"Yes sir?" Beckett responded.

"I just got a call from Sing Sing," Ryan and Esposito directed their attention back to Beckett and Castle turned in his chair so he was facing the Captain.

"Sir?"

"Jordan Norris is dead."


	3. Chapter Three

_What do you know I'm alive! Thanks to all of you who have stuck with me and this story - I know I have not updated in what seems like forever...being a principal in a musical over the summer really ended up taking over my life from June September!_

_Anyways - I finally edited this dang chapter and I hope that you - wonderful reader - enjoy it!_

_Thanks as always to my amazing Betas - Marjo and Stella - you are the most amazing women ever and your comments keep me going!_

**A/N - yeah at this point...I bow down at the feet of Andrew Marlowe :)**

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><p>The words had barely escaped Gates' lips and Castle found he could barely breathe. His throat was tightening; his chest felt heavy, his head reeled. He chanced a glance to his left – toward his partner – and registered the look of disbelief and frustration mixed with a longing and a disappointment he could not fathom. It tore his heart to pieces to see that look tear across her gorgeous features. He had only seen it once before: as moonlight illuminated the soft lines of her face and she stared down her Captain in an empty hangar. Now just as then – it was breaking his heart. He swallowed down the questions trying to break forth from his lips and tried to keep his face from betraying too much.<p>

He had to tell her he was at the prison only three hours ago and was likely the last person outside of that prison to see Jordan Norris alive. Once they began investigating, as he knew they would (it was her case after all), they would get the visitor sign in list from the guard station and realize that Richard Castle was at the prison that morning and he had gone to see Jordan Norris. He tried to form the words in his mind, but nothing sounded right. Would she be furious with him? Rail at him? Throw him out of the precinct, out of her life just as she had over a year ago – and all over the same case. All due to Johanna Beckett's unsolved murder.

He sighed heavily earning a curious look from her soft green and brown-flecked eyes and forced himself to meet them. She gave a soft ghost of a smile, barely turning up the edges of her lips and then turned back toward Gates.

"Do they know when it happened?"

"Not yet. Apparently he had a visitor this morning then they took him back to his cell. Guard went in to do a check an hour later and he was dead."

"Suicide?" Esposito posited as he and Ryan moved from their desks to stand at Beckett's right side facing Gates.

"Doesn't appear to be."

"How would someone have gotten into his cell to kill him?" Ryan asked, no one willing to voice the concern that someone on the inside had carried out a hit for someone more powerful than any of them could fathom. The cops and the writer looked to one another but no one spoke. The implication was too much to think about.

"Right now the only information we have to operate on is that he's dead. That's good enough for me. You are homicide detectives – go detect." Gates said in her clipped tone suggesting the time for questions had ended. She gave a last terse nod to the team in front of her, turned on her heel and strode to her office. Once the double doors were shut firmly behind her, Ryan and Esposito turned their attention to Beckett and Castle.

"So boss, what do we do?" Ryan asked as he placed his hands in his pants pocket. Esposito crossed his arms over his chest and Castle leaned slightly forward in his chair – instinctively moving towards her. She took a breath looking to each one of them – Esposito then Ryan until her eyes finally fell on her partner.

"We figure out who killed Jordan Norris. Castle and I will take the prison, you guys take the family." She stood from her chair, grabbed her jacket and her phone and turned to leave the safety of her desk. She paused when she noticed Castle still sitting in his chair. A myriad of questions were etched into her face as she looked at him, but only one passed through her lips: "You coming?"

He opened his mouth to answer, not even certain what his answer was going to be, when the trill of his ringtone sounded through the precinct. They both jumped slightly at the sound not expecting it and smiled shyly at one another as Castle reached into his jacket pocket and retrieved his iPhone. "Ah, it's Alexis."

"Take it. I'll wait." She placed her phone back on her desk and allowed herself to settle back into her seat, signaling to him that she was serious. She crossed her right leg over her left and looked up to him, her expression entreating him to move - assuring him she would still be there when he returned. Castle smiled lightly and turned to walk towards the stairwell to his right as he pressed the accept button and placed the phone to his ear.

Beckett allowed herself the opportunity to watch him as he moved – something she never would have allowed herself to do (or at least not so outwardly) not even a week ago. She had to finally admit to herself that she was completely taken with him and she _liked_ it. A smile pulled at the edges of her lips as she watched him pace slightly as he talked to his daughter. She noted how he alternately crossed his arms, then uncrossed them and used his free hand to gesture, then he would place the free hand in the pocket of his jacket; every once in a while he would lean against the stair railing or against the exposed brick wall.

After what she guessed was less than a minute Castle was hanging up his phone and walking back towards her. She smiled up at him moving to collect her things again but stopped short at the look on his face. "You're not coming with me to Sing Sing are you?"

"I'm not sure what happened in class today but apparently it was world shattering. She's heading to the loft." He said in a tone Beckett could not quite place. Concern for his daughter (obviously), distressed that he did not get to spend time with Beckett (hopefully) but there was something else there…was it relief? Why would he be relieved that he could not come with her? She forced herself not to think it and with an imperceptible shake of her head removed the thoughts from her brain as if they were on an etch-a-sketch.

"Don't worry about it. I'll head up and I'll see you in the morning?"

"I'll see you tonight for dinner." He corrected her.

"Castle, I don't know what I might find up at the prison…" she said. _But I do,_ he thought. But he could not speak those words - not here, not now.

"You need to eat and not work yourself into the ground. My place, seven o'clock." He looked her right in the eye, with a finality to his tone that she could not argue against, and she honestly did not want to. Kate smiled as her eyes slowly scanned the empty bullpen around her. After she was satisfied no one was paying attention to them, she allowed herself a momentary indulgence and let her hand grasp his, giving a quick but firm squeeze as she locked her gaze with his, before stepping away.

It took him a moment to remind himself to breathe. _Oh God I am going to lose this bet,_ he thought as he shook his head to try to clear the haze her touch had created and moved to follow her toward the elevator.

~~xx~~xx~~xx~~

Kate knew it was crazy, but nearly five hours later she could not stop her heart from fluttering in her chest as she stood in the elevator on her way up to Castle's loft. They had shared meals at his place before, many times in fact and granted normally with friends, family or research sources in tow, but it was still a familiar atmosphere. She tried to put a name on the feeling that was threatening to overtake her, and with a start she finally realized what it was – she was _nervous_. Closing her eyes for a moment, she breathed in deeply, allowing the chill of the air circulating through the car to inundate her senses, before re-opening her eyes. _Get a hold of yourself, Kate_, she scolded herself as the illuminated numbers drifted higher and higher, bringing her closer towards him.

The drive back from Sing Sing in rush hour traffic had only served to make her agitation grow. She had learned next to nothing at the prison, and felt like kicking something. The warden told her the prison visitation list would be at the precinct in the morning, after they received the official request from Captain Gates and the go ahead from the Commissioner. Kate felt she was being steamrolled, and did not like it. She had spent hours questioning the guards about Jordan Norris and gotten nowhere. Maybe it was a good thing Castle had wanted to have dinner together tonight. Otherwise she would have gone back to the precinct to obsess over the empty murder board and the bureaucratic red-tape that was entangling her investigation.

Kate suddenly wondered why Castle had been so insistent dinner be here: at his loft. Not in the precinct, not her place or some restaurant – but here. She tried to calm her nerves, corral her thoughts again and this time it only marginally worked. The ding of the elevator sounded through the car and she pushed herself off from the back wall and slipped from the elevator onto his floor. Before she could convince herself not to, her imagination conjured up the images held captive for far too long. Kate saw herself making this trek each day after work – walking to the door where she knew her husband would be waiting behind it. Castle would greet her with that smile and wrap her in his arms, siphoning away all the pain and unanswered questions, which plagued her and take them into himself – trying to give her something resembling rest in the only way he knew how. She could even see the faces of their children at times – such as tonight – their bright blue eyes beaming up at her from round, porcelain skinned faces so unmarred by reality, smooth and pure with innocence. She did not even realize she had reached his door and knocked - was jarred from her imaginings when the door opened and Castle stood in front of her. For a moment she actually wondered if she was IN her fantasy.

"You ok?" Castle asked with a smile.

"Huh?"

"You look like whatever you were thinking before I opened the door was really good! You're smiling."

"Am I?"

"Yeah…" he chuckled slightly seeing the blush begin to rise in her cheeks. Before she could try to turn away from him he leaned from the doorway and placed his hand behind her neck drawing her into him. Their lips met and she allowed herself to melt into him. He kissed her slowly and she reveled in the feeling of his lips on hers – soft and warm and oh so inviting. His hand moved from the back of her neck to bury into her hair pulling her possessively closer to him. She opened her mouth in response and felt a shiver run down her spine coming to rest in a warm pool in her stomach as she felt his tongue against hers. Her hands instinctively ran down his chest and wrapped lightly around his waist, pulling his hips closer towards hers and she smiled slightly at the low moan it elicited from him.

The throat clearing loudly from behind startled them both and they turned toward the sound. Alexis stood at the edge of the couch in the living room with her arms folded in front of her chest, a wry smile playing on her thin, pink lips. Castle and Beckett instinctively moved from each other's grasp – ensuring an ordinate amount of space between their still warm bodies.

"Alexis…hi pumpkin."

"You forgot I was here."

"I did not forget…"

"Yes, you did."

"I did not…"

Kate smiled as she observed the verbal Ping-Pong match of Castle wit. She loved being privy to these moments. The times where the love and camaraderie between Castle and his daughter was so palpable it actually made her heart beat more quickly.

"You aren't staying for dinner?" Kate interrupted when she clocked the bag at Alexis' feet.

"No, I really should head back to campus. I have a massive research paper due on Friday."

"And you're starting it now?" Castle asked with a touch of pride in his voice. Kate equated it to his happiness that his daughter was finally showing his own finesse for procrastination.

"I already started it just have finishing touches…what?" Alexis looked at her father, consternation covering her face.

"Are you really my child?"

"Well we could do a DNA test but what if it came back negative?" she answered as she reached for her bag and slung it over her shoulder. She stopped to plant a quick kiss on her father's cheek, then leaned in to give Kate a hug and waved goodbye. Once the door was closed behind her, Castle turned to Kate and smiled.

"All alone…"

"At last," she finished and leaned back towards him letting her lithe body press against him as her arms wound around his neck and pulled him closer. He smiled broadly and placed his hands securely on her slender hips as his mouth found hers once again.

"You know you two really should get a room…" Kate could not suppress the laugh that erupted from the pit of her chest as the voice rang in her ears.

"Um, we HAVE a room and it's right here because this is MY loft, thank you, mother," Castle said angling his head toward the woman descending grandly down the staircase, decked out in layers of ruffles, lace and pearls with purse in hand.

"You leaving us, Martha?" Kate asked.

"I would say no, but then I think my son would have me thrown out…" Martha responded wryly allowing a grin at the incredulous look which crossed her son's face.

"I would NOT throw you out…at least not permanently."

"How sweet of you," said Martha.

"Well you know, just trying to be hospitable."

"Of course you are. I am off to the Theatre and then drinks…don't wait up." She continued with a pointed wink at Kate who pursed her lips in an attempt to stifle the laughter that was fighting to get out of her

"Night, Mother."

"Night, Martha." The door closed with a resolute click and Castle turned toward Kate.

"Any other relatives hanging about I should be wary of?"

"God, I hope not…" Castle said, his voice low and guttural as he reached out for her again in the still of the loft. He kissed her softly then let his forehead fall onto hers and drink in the scent, the feel, of her here in his arms. His voice was just barely a whisper when he spoke again: "Sorry about the family."

"Don't ever be sorry. You know I love them…" the words slipped from her lips so quickly she barely registered them. Castle could feel her stiffen just slightly as they reverberated back into her mind and settled in – telling her she had utter them out loud. He wondered if she would say the words to him. _Not if, Rick, when…WHEN she'll say the words_. He kept telling himself to give her time…besides he did not love her just because she loved him…

"I know…" He said quietly as he placed a feather soft kiss on her forehead and ran his hands down the length of her arms. "Dinner is almost ready, go ahead and make yourself comfortable while I finish up."

"You don't want any help?"

"Nope, you just sit and relax." As he walked from her and into the kitchen she moved toward the bookshelves which served as the dividing wall between the living room and his study. Her eyes wandered over endless titles – fiction, non-fiction, medical journals, histories, biographies, plays - mesmerized by the books which were packed onto the shelves in front of her. She could not believe she had spent as many hours in this loft as she had and never really perused his library. It was breath taking. She turned, startled, when she heard the fan over the range top begin to purr and leaned back into the bookshelves slightly and let herself watch him for a moment. The sound of his phone ringing to her right caught her off guard and she turned towards it.

She followed the sound into his study and noticed his phone sitting in the middle of his desk. She picked it up and turned over her shoulder to call out to him.

"Castle?" he continued in his ministrations over dinner clearly not hearing her. She tried again, only louder: "Castle!"

She rolled her eyes when he still did not acknowledge her and glanced down at his phone. She barely registered the words _Blocked ID_ before sliding small green button from left to right to accept the call. She placed the phone to her ear.

"Richard Castle's phone," she said in a bright voice.

"Hello, Detective Beckett. Just the person I was hoping to speak with."

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><p><em>reviews are kind of like crack - only much MUCH better for me! Please feed my addiction :)<em>


	4. Chapter Four

_I really want to thank those of you who continue to read and ask about this story! I promise I have not abandoned it life has just gotten crazy busy and I have had no time to write!_

_You will also notice I blatantly borrowed some lines from "Always" - I kept trying to write something completely different and alas I am not that good - nothing sounded right...so yeah - those lines are the property of Marlowe and Miller and not me :)_

_Hope that you enjoy the next offering - and as always - reviews are welcomed and appreciated!_

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><p>Ice ran through her blood; a million knives continually jabbing deeply, harshly into every nook and cranny of her veins. For what seemed the hundredth time in only the past twelve hours, she could feel every fiber of her being – and they were all on edge. Her breath crackled in her lungs as she forced herself to breathe fully into her diaphragm – expanding her abdomen, her lungs – while trying to clear her head. Her extremities felt numb. She exhaled and dropped her arm to her side as the dial tone reverberated in her ear.<p>

The disembodied voice from the other end of the line echoed through her mind; the grave arrogance, the bravado in the tone left her shaken. The words were floating through her memory: in and out, untangling, regrouping while trying to come to any other conclusion than the one that was pushing – hard – to the forefront of her mind.

_Do you not know?_ The voice had teased coming in too cold, too clear over the airwaves of the cell phone. _ Just turn on the board behind you…_

There is nothing to know, she tried to tell herself. Tried to convince the voice in her head that just would not shut up long enough for her to get her bearings. Funnily enough, that voice sounded like Castle, it was always him now…the voice in her head that told her she was being crazy, that she was just trying to find some reason to get a foot out the door.

The sound of his heavy footfalls over the hardwood echoed through her consciousness and she forced herself to turn towards the sound and meet his eyes.

"Hey, dinner is ready. I was going to open up a bottle…what's up?" his voice hitched with concern when his eyes met hers. "Kate, you look like you've seen a ghost, what's wrong?" He strode forward placing his hands on her biceps, as if to steady her – the sheer force of his touch grounding her, clearing her head and her throat. Beckett felt her right arm twitch, his phone still held there like a vice. His gaze moved down her arm and she felt his hand move to take hold of his phone. She noticed his gaze shift to take in her closed off stance and how close she was to his smart board. His eyes came back to her face, and she now looked into irises hazed with questions and concern, laced with what looked all the world like guilt with fear at the edges.

"Kate…?" his voice jarred her and she cleared her throat.

"Your phone rang. I tried to get your attention but the fan was too loud and I answered it…"

"Ok…" his eyes searched her face looking for some semblance of a clue as to who was on the other end of the line when she answered. He saw the strained rise and fall of her chest as she took in a breath, the steel settling in as she fixed her stare on him.

"What's on the smart board that someone apparently wants me to see and you apparently don't?"

It was only there for an instant – the flicker of pure and unhindered panic in his features – then he shifted into his poker face and the mask was in place, hiding as much of his emotions as he could from her. But she saw it: the momentary slight in his ability to hide his thoughts from her. She crossed her arms and fixed him with that glare he had so rarely been on the receiving end of – the one normally reserved for suspects in the box – and it unnerved him. He took a breath, sheering up his resolve as he placed his phone on his desk and walked around her to the board placing his finger on the smooth, dark surface. With that one touch the screen illuminated and he watched Beckett's eyes widen as they met her own face staring back at her.

~~XX~~XX~~XX~~

He could not force his lungs to expand. He allowed his thigh to rest soundly against the hard wood of his desk and wondered if that was the only thing tethering him to this moment – it honestly did not feel real, it felt like the scene that had haunted his dreams every night for the past week, actually more like year if he was honest with himself. He stood still waiting for the torrent to hit him like a tidal wave. Could see it in her eyes as the comprehension glistened in the light brown pools of her irises. Her mouth set into a line, eyes narrowing as she took in every scrap of information, every photo, every detail of the board in front of her. The stillness of the air crackled with the intensity of all the words not being spoken, every tightly held emotion trying to get free from both of their bodies. He watched her nervously as she reached a hand out in front of her and placed it lightly on the board causing the screen to fade back into black, erasing the images from her line of sight and securing them firmly back into the darkness.

She turned over her left shoulder, keeping her face carefully away from him, and strode from the study and into the living room beyond. She stopped next to the coffee table placing her hands on her hips and finally forced herself to breathe. _In and out, in and out, Kate._ Deep, rejuvenating breaths drilled into her veins as she forced every ounce of oxygen she could get into her body. His footsteps behind her pounded harshly through the fragile synapses of her brain at rapid speed making her head spin as she turned toward him.

"What…?" she began before closing her mouth again in surprise by how small her voice sounded.

"Kate…" her name fell softly from his lips, a reverent sigh lifted up to the heavens and any deity within them that she would not run away and fortify that wall they had been working so hard to tear down together. "Kate, please…" he offered, trying to quiet the force behind his tone as he gestured meekly toward the couch. His heart dropped when he caught the defiance in her eyes, quietly refusing his supplication.

"What the hell was that, Castle?"

"Kate…"

"No, Castle," she intoned, her voice low and guttural. She watched him carefully as he drew in a breath, for the first time his eyes left hers – flicking over to the fire dancing merrily behind her and back again. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and re opened them on his exhale.

"Before Montgomery was killed, he sent a file to a friend. This file contained all the information tying Roy, Raglan and McAllister to the ransom scheme as well as the man they paid off. The file was leverage, the only thing protecting Roy and his family…and you. In exchange for that protection, your mother's case was supposed to stay cold, shoved away down in the archives."

"They shot me. They still tried to KILL ME!" The volume in her tone was barely restrained as the hoarse yell ripped through her lungs and into the void separating them.

"Montgomery's friend didn't receive the file until after you had been shot. Once he had it, he made certain the deal was in place – your safety was guaranteed as long as you stayed away from the case." Her eyes narrowed and he swore he could see her brain make the connections.

"How do you know that?"

"In order for the deal to work someone had to make sure you weren't pursuing the case." Castle's voice stuttered as the words crashed on a sigh from his lips and he fought the urge to close his eyes. He did not want to see the disbelief and the naked pain that ripped across Beckett's eyes as she took an almost imperceptible step back, moving further away from him, just barely widening the chasm between them…she felt light years away as she crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes to him.

"You're a part of this?" The accusation was evident in her tone and for the first time he was thankful he could not read her mind, certain he would only bear witness to the crumbing of any standing he had in her life with this one action. He had thrown the first stone into the glass house surrounding them and all he could do now was stand and watch her shatter with it. It was breaking his heart. The silence permeating his loft was deafening. He realized with a start he would rather have her screaming at him, telling him off for acting like she needed protecting, like she needed to have her hand held like a child instead of this coldness she was now radiating. Her stance was rigid, arms crossed tightly over her chest, eyes unblinking and focused on his face.

He met her gaze without hesitation even though his mind was screaming at him to shy away from her fury, to show that he was contrite in some way…but if he was honest with himself he was not. He was sorry for lying to her and knew he deserved the verbal lashing he was sure to encounter from her on that front, but he would not apologize for wanting to protect her, for wanting to keep her alive – even if it meant keeping her from her mother's case, even if it meant he could never have her.

"I was only trying to keep you safe…" He said, his voice barely a whisper but it echoed loudly around them in the darkness. "Kate?"

"How long?" Her voice was barely a whisper but held all the harshness of a yell slicing through the space between them cutting directly into his soul. He wanted to be able to lie, to tell her anything that would ease the tension settling into the room but he knew that he could not. Not after everything they had been through.

"About a year…the first time Roy's friend contacted me was right after you went back to work after your shooting. Right after you started pursing your mother's case again." His voice trailed off, his eyes beseeching her to respond in some way. All she gave him was the emptiness in the depths of her eyes.

"You've been lying to me this whole time. How could you? You KNOW how much this case means to me, Castle."

"Yes I know, Kate, and that's why you always run at it half-assed and nearly get yourself killed in the process." He was amazed at how even, under control his voice sounded to his own ears.

"You had NO right to withhold…"

"Oh don't you dare. I had every right if I wanted to keep you from running into the line of fire and getting yourself shot – again!"

"This is MY case, Castle. This is my life!"

"And here it comes…" He said under his breath just loudly enough for her to hear it even in the haze created by her ire towards him.

"Sarcasm? Really?"

"Well I find it funny that you're pissed at me for the very same thing YOU did to me."

"How is this even remotely the same thing?"

"You lied to me, too, Kate. Remember that? For over a year!"

"That was different!"

"Keep telling yourself that…"

"Don't try and pin this completely on me, Rick." The sting of his first name falling from her lips with such bite in her tone knocked the breath he did not realize he was holding out of his lungs as he stared at her, dumbstruck.

"I'm not pinning anything completely on you, I KNOW I messed up."

"And I don't?"

"Apparently my sin is greater than yours…"

"It's not the same thing and you know it! Keeping this from me impedes an ongoing investigation…"

"Don't, Kate. Don't even try and spin that all this is coming from a place of duty, alright. I know you better than that…"

"You think you know me."

"And here we are once again." Castle said with a sigh. His shoulders slumped and he finally allowed his arms to cross fully over his chest taking on her closed off posture – mirroring her across the rift of the living room between them which began to feel like more than just physical distance. "I know you better than you think, Kate. And you can try and use that line, you can try and act like I don't see you – but I do. I've been right here for four years, right by your side fighting with you, for you, alongside you…hoping that one day you would open your eyes and see me." His voice caught in his throat when he registered the mist in her eyes. The way she was trying desperately to hold herself together and not break in front of him – holding herself back from him, still.

"Every day I bring you a cup of coffee just so I can see a smile on your face; because I think you are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I have ever met. I love you, Kate. Please, if you feel anything for me at all…if everything we've been through means anything to you…walk away. Let this go."

"If I feel anything for you…? If I…?" Kate closed her eyes, yet another mechanism he noted, in her fight to keep herself closed off – compartmentalized. She opened her eyes and met his gaze directly, her arms dropping heavily to her sides. "Castle, you made a deal for my life...like I was some kind of child! First Roy trying to get me to back off this case because it would bring all of his indiscretions to light, and now you? I can protect myself…I can take care of myself. I've been doing it for the past 14 years and I certainly don't need you to be my knight in shining armor to rescue me."

"I never said you did…"

"So instead you went behind my back and copped this deal with this friend of Roy's which you didn't tell me about because poor, defenseless Kate Beckett can't handle the truth…"

"Well I think you're proving your own point right now, honestly."

"Where the hell do you…"

"You nearly got yourself killed the first week, THE FIRST WEEK you were back on the force, Kate. You ran headlong into your mother's case and didn't even know that you were free falling! It blinds you and I'm not about to apologize for loving you too much to let you go…"

"Stop it!" For the first time she turned from him and moved toward the couch, reaching for her coat which was draped over the arm closest to her and wrapped it around her slim frame, the deep purple assaulting his vision.

"Stop what, Kate?" She was walking toward his front door. She pulled her shoes on and turned back to him with her keys in her hand.

"Stop saying you love me like it's going to fix things! Like it's the blanket excuse for acting like an ass!" She moved to open the door and he crossed the room. He felt her start when his palm reached up just past her head and slammed into the door keeping her from opening it. "Move."

"No way in hell…"

"Let go, Castle!"

"No! I'm not letting you walk out of here and drown…you want to shut me out, fine, but I'm not about to let you walk out of here and do God knows what." He heard the rush of her hand across his cheek, the contact of skin to skin reverberate through the stillness, before he felt the heat sear across his skin. His hand flew up to cup his cheek and he stared at her wide eyed as she met his eyes. For a moment he saw the pain flicker in her eyes, then it was shunted down with all of her other emotions and she was steel once again, Detective Beckett through and through and his shoulders slumped as the fight rushed from him. He removed his hand from the door and stepped just slightly away from her his eyes tracking her movement.

"Go, Kate. Push me out and run away like you always do. Go find some safe place to hide. But I just might not be here when you realize that you messed up." He turned then, walked away from her and into his study shutting the door. His legs gave out and he crumpled to the floor in front of his desk when he heard the resolute snick of the front door closing and the light click of her heels on the wood, retreating.


	5. Chapter Five

_AND here we are again...thank you SO much for those of you who continue to read and especially comment on this story! Life has gotten nuts thanks to grad school and work and I have not really had much time to write so I appreciate your patience and your continued support more than you know!_

_As always - I must thank my amazing Betas - you are the best and I do not know what I would do without you!_

_**disclaimer: see previous chapters...don't own them I just like to play with them (I know Melody, Stella, Marjo...dirty :) )**_

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><p>Kate Beckett stood in the elevator of her building as the car slowly ascended to her floor; every inch of her shaking. Even as she tried to force herself to calm down, she knew it would never work. She was worked up, angry…betrayed. Betrayal. That is what it was burning through her veins like acid threatening to rip her apart bloodily from the inside out. He had betrayed her and then he had the nerve to act like it was nothing, to look her in the eye and tell her that she had lied too. Of course she had but it was not the same thing. It was not the same thing…<p>

Her hand was still red and a bit raw. The sound of flesh hitting flesh reverberated in her head and she tried to shake the sound away as she reached for her keys and let herself into her apartment. The large room was dark and a bit cool. After closing and locking the door, she dropped her keys in the bowl she kept on the small table by the door and moved toward the thermostat. After upping the temperature to a more comfortable range she shrugged off her coat. She placed the garment on the arm of the couch and moved around her apartment in a daze – her actions on auto-pilot, her brain not truly contemplating what she was doing. It was only when she was installed heavily on the coach with a glass and a half empty bottle of vodka that she realized what she was doing. Her mind was buzzed from the alcohol but she was sure the bottle was barely two thirds full when she opened it…maybe more…maybe she had just drank…too much…_to do God knows what_…

His voice hit a sharpened chord in her mind and she threw the glass in her hand across the room and heard the shatter of the glass against the exposed brick of her apartment wall and the tinkling of the shards hitting the ground soon followed. She would not cry. She was not this person; this raw, emotional nerve ending that could not control herself when it counted. Push it all down and move forward…move, Kate.

No matter how many times she told herself to, she did not move. She sat staring straight at the wall in front of her not truly seeing the groves of the brick or the slant of the light playing through the gap in the curtains as the streetlights faded and the sun began to rise outside her windows signaling the start of a new day.

~~XX~~XX~~XX~~

The sunlight broke the haze surrounding her as it began to glint off the glass shards on the floor. Beckett closed her eyes, shutting them tightly and counted to ten then – as she drew in a deep breath – opened her eyes. She looked to her left and registered the glowing numbers on the clock of her coffee maker: 8:18. Eight o'clock in the morning…she needed to get moving, shower, get dressed and get to work but her limbs felt like lead. No matter how many times she tried to move she just could not make her body register the demands of her brain.

Finally, she placed her hands at her side, pushed herself off the couch and moved toward her bathroom. She went robotically through her morning routine: shower, put on make up, get dressed. She refrained from meeting her own eyes in the mirror afraid of what she might see reflected back upon her. The effects of the alcohol made her movements lethargic and her mind less able to stay on task. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply, and the images of the night before began to play on the darkness of her eyelids and she let them play. Each flicker of pain in his bright blue eyes, every weary movement of his arms, every hitch of his breath squeezed harder and harder at her heart until she feared it would never beat again.

Forcing her eyes open she walked from her bedroom to the living room, clipped her badge to her waist and placed her gun in her holster then finally pulled her coat on and left her apartment. The walk from her door to the subway in the cool fall air would normally have been welcomed for giving her a chance to slip her arm through Castle's as they walked, to feel the heat radiating off his body warming her through the chill in the air. Not now. Now she walked purposefully toward the subway entrance steering her way through the throng of people and into the cramped car.

~~XX~~XX~~XX~~

When she entered the precinct she walked straight to her desk, removing her jacket and placing it on the back of her chair, carefully not looking toward the empty one on her left. She powered on her computer and dropped into her chair letting a sigh escape her lips as she settled in.

"Hey, Beckett." She turned toward the sound of Esposito's voice carried to her from the opposite side of the bull pen where he and Ryan were moving toward her from their desks.

"Hey, Espo. Did you guys get anything from Jordan Norris' family and friends?"

"Of course not." Ryan sighed and Beckett could not resist the roll of her eyes as she ran a hand through her hair.

"Do you know if we got the visitor sign in sheet from the prison yet?"

"Haven't heard anything from El Jefe this morning, so don't think so." Esposito replied. Beckett allowed her gaze to shift from her partners to the windows of Gates' office. Beckett could just barely register the form of the older woman sitting at the large desk at the edge of the window before Beckett pushed herself from her chair and walked to the double doors leading into the Captain's office. Beckett knocked, likely a bit louder than she needed to.

"Come in, Detective."

"Sir…" Beckett began as she entered the office, closing the door behind her.

"Just the person I wanted to see. I received the visitor sign-in sheet from Sing Sing this morning."

"And…?" Beckett asked her throat constricting as she finally noted the sheet of paper on Gates' desk. Victoria Gates raised her eyes from her desk and met Beckett's gaze then turned her head to glance at the bull pen where Esposito and Ryan were waiting by Beckett's desk very obviously attempting to eavesdrop on the conversation happening in the office. When they noticed Gates looking at them they both started and moved to act like they were not just watching the office like hawks and walked awkwardly toward their own desks. Beckett almost thought she heard a breathy chuckle coming from the woman but she must have been hearing things. She was sleep deprived and still likely a bit buzzed from last night, in all honestly. She definitely imagined it. Gates' eyes met hers across the desk.

"Please, Detective, sit." Beckett took a breath and took the seat immediately to her right. She noticed Gates take an appraising look at her before the woman reached down and took the paper off her desk then handed it across the space between proffering it to Beckett. The Detective took the sheet and began to read stopping at the second to last name on the list: Richard Castle. He had not even used a fake name. _Castle_, she chided him in her mind then pushed down the emotions that were threatening to overtake her. Not here, not now - this place was for work. "I see you noticed what I did…"

"Yes, sir, and I have no idea what Castle would have been doing up at Sing Sing visiting Jordan Norris…"

"That's actually not what I meant." Gates said with a raise of her eyebrow. Beckett looked to her boss with shock etched into her face.

"Sir?"

"There's another name after his indicating they were visiting Jordan Norris." Beckett glanced back down to the list in her hands, her eyes instinctively landed on Richard Castle's untidy scrawl on the second to last line of the page (she knew it well from the hours she used to spend tracing his signature on her old battered copy of _Flowers For Your Grave _that he had signed after she waited for more than an hour in line, from the myriad random notes and hastily written plot points of Nikki Heat novels he had left around her desk over the past four years) followed closely by a swopping signature filled with harsh curves and distinct jabs of the pen. She sat up a bit straighter in her chair trying to pin down a nagging concern in her gut but she could not seem to place the name. "Do you recognize the signature at all?"

"No, Sir, I don't." Beckett responded, shaking her head slightly.

"Maybe Mr. Castle might have some insight into who it might be?"

"I'm sorry, Sir?"

"Whoever this is, they signed in at the same time he was leaving." Beckett's eyes traveled to the far right of the page indicating the time in and time out columns and sure enough the mystery person was signing in on the log likely only seconds before Castle signed out of the prison. "You need to talk to Mr. Castle. See why he was up there talking to Jordan Norris in the first place and then if he remembers seeing this person. Where is he this morning, by the way? He's normally in just after you?"

"I'm not sure." Beckett hedged keeping her face resolved and not letting any tell show. "I'll call him and see if he can come down." She stood from her seat and moved toward the double doors.

"Detective Beckett."

"Sir?" She asked, turning back slightly toward her boss with her hand on the doorknob.

"Let me know what he says as soon as you can."

"Yes, sir." With that Beckett turned and walked from the office closing the door behind her.

~~XX~~XX~~XX~~

Beckett pulled her phone from her pocket and thumbed the screen to life then pulled up Castle's contact as she moved back toward her desk.

"What did Gates want?" She heard Ryan ask as he and Esposito walked toward her matching her stride toward her desk.

"She got the visitor sign in sheet…._Dammit, Castle_." She sighed and hung up the phone after the call dumped to his voicemail.

"And?"

"And Castle was one of Jordan Norris' last visitors before he was murdered." Beckett stated distractedly as she pressed Castle's number on her iPhone screen again.

"One of?" Esposito chimed in.

"Yeah there is one other name on the list after his and from the looks of it, the person signed in at the exact time Castle was signing out. Ugh!" Beckett exclaimed again as the call once again went to his voicemail. She grabbed her coat from the back of her chair and moved toward the elevator.

"What's up? Where is Castle?" She stopped halfway to the elevator and turned back toward Esposito and Ryan.

"Honestly…I'm not sure…on either." She turned on her heel and strode to the elevator pushing the down button. When the car arrived she hurried on past the officers exiting and pressed the button for the lobby as she thumbed through her contacts once again and pulled up Alexis' number. She picked up on the fifth ring just as Beckett was walking briskly through the lobby of the twelfth and out to her cruiser.

"Hey, Kate, what's up?"

"Hey, Alexis. Have you talked to your dad yet today?"

"No, not yet, but I'm supposed to see him in a couple hours."

"You are?"

"Yeah. Did he not tell you he's guest lecturing for my contemporary American fiction class?" Beckett sighed as she closed the door to her Crown Vic and slipped her key in the ignition.

"No, he didn't tell me."

"Kate, is everything ok? With you and Dad, I mean?"

"Why?"

"You sound a bit off, and then him not mentioning that he's coming down here today…" Alexis' voice drifted off and Beckett knew the girl was waiting for Beckett's response.

"We had a fight last night."

"About what?" Beckett considered lying, saying it was nothing, it would be fine. She knew Alexis would not buy it, so she took a deep breath and gave the girl the truth:

"Him not telling me he was looking into my mother's case behind my back for the last year." Alexis' sharp intake of air made Beckett close her eyes letting her head fall back against the head rest. "You knew too, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I knew. Kate…"

"Alexis…"

"Hear me out, please." Alexis waited for a moment and when met with silence on the Detective's end she continued, "Dad was just trying to protect you. And I know that you don't need protecting, Kate," Alexis raised her voice over the protests Beckett was about to mount, "and he doesn't think you do. He just didn't want to see you hurt again. And if that meant keeping you away from the case, then…" Her voice trailed off. Beckett could hear her breathing lightly and she waited knowing there was something more the girl wanted to say but was not sure how. "He loves you. And while I agree it was not his best decision, he was only thinking of you." Beckett took in a breath as she tried to fight against the tears pricking at the back of her eyes. She had held her resolve so well since the previous night and now she was about to fall apart sitting in her cruiser outside the damn precinct talking to her boyfriend's daughter. "Kate?"

"Yeah…" She responded halfheartedly. Her voice barely more than a whisper.

"Please be careful. I don't want anything to happen to you, either." Alexis' voice was so soft Beckett was not even certain she had heard the last part.

"Alexis…"

"Huh?"

"I love you, too."

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><p>ok - YES Beckett told Alexis she loved her and she has not said it to Castle...so I am saying my piece here: I think we all know it is MUCH easier to tell family membersfriends/friends who basically ARE family members that we love them than it is to tell the love of your life that you are IN love with them...

It's honestly one of my main gripes right now with people thinking Kate should have already told Castle she loves him - give her time people! You want it to be right and not rushed or spit out in a moment of panic or brushed off...it'll happen so just sit back and enjoy the journey :)

rant over!


	6. Chapter Six

**Hey look at that I finally finished the next chapter...being back in school is kicking my butt!**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has kept reading this and for anyone who has reviewed that I have not responded to...it means a lot that you have stuck with this (and me!) and I hope it is worth the wait!**

**To my amazing betas - Marjo and Stella - LOVE YOU BUNCHES! **

**A/N: If you read "Just A Dream" then the second section of this chapter will look extremely familiar – yes I poached part of my OWN fic because I was always intending that conversation to be part of this fic**

_Disclaimer - ha...ha...yeah do you think I would be worrying about paying for grad school if they were mine?_

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><p>Rick Castle sat in the back of the large mirrored room attempting to remain inconspicuous which was only slightly working. Members of the advanced acting class kept slipping surreptitious glances over their shoulders toward him, which of course meant they were only partially paying attention to their instructor. Martha Rogers excused her students, most of whom were professional Broadway actors keeping up with their craft, when she realized she was not holding their attention and strode toward her son.<p>

"You know next time you plan on dropping by, call me so I can make sure I'm not teaching a class full of your fans."

"Sorry, Mother, I'll make sure to wear a disguise next time. Maybe a handlebar moustache or those glasses with the fake nose attached."

"You think you're so funny..."

"Well." He said with a shrug of his shoulders. Once the room had cleared and Martha had moved the chairs to the side of the room she looked to her son as he leaned against the far wall of mirrors, his legs crossed at the ankles and his hands in his pockets, eyes surveying his toes all too intently.

"What's up, kiddo?"

"What makes you think something's up?" He asked, barely looking up from his feet.

"Richard, I've known you for 43 years – I know when something is bothering you. Plus you're normally at the precinct with Beckett by this time of day." She smiled and Castle's head finally raising toward her and attempted to reciprocate, his lips turning up at the edges but the smile never reached his eyes. He turned toward the window at his right and he sighed.

"I should have told her earlier. I messed up." He looked toward his mother and her eyes narrowed as she regarded him, "My 'murder board' in my study. Someone called my phone last night. I'm guessing the same person who called me last week, and told her there was something on it and…she confronted me about it. I should have just told her right when she walked in, but NO I wanted to have dinner and at least try to make sure she was in a good mood…try to make her see my side of things."

"Richard, no matter what 'your side of things' is…you lied to her."

"I know that, Mother. Do you think I don't? She lied to me, too!"

"So what?" He cocked his head to the side and let a pointed glare fall from his face. "She screws up and you screw up and you just have to keep fighting about which one of you screwed up most?"

"Mother…"

"Richard, I know I'm not exactly the best role model in this area of discussion," She reached out and smacked him on the arm in retaliation for the sarcastic roll of his eyes. "BUT, I do know that as right as you think you were, you were in the wrong just as much as she was. And no matter what, you still went behind her back. You forgave her, she will forgive you. You should know by now that Kate just needs time for her perspective to settle. You cannot expect a relationship that has only been 'official' for less than two weeks to magically cure all the pains and remove all the scars. She's still broken...as are you."

"So I'm just supposed to keep being used as a punching bag? I thought we were past these trust issues."

"Maybe you were…as a partner and as a friend, but not as her boyfriend. Darling, there is a whole new level of trust issues when you add intimacy to any relationship."

"Mother…we haven't…"

"Intimacy is there no matter what when you move from being partners and friends to more than that…doesn't mean it has to be sexual."

"Don't ever say 'sexual' again, ok." Martha narrowed her eyes at him as he grinned and allowed his body to shudder in disgust.

"My point is…" She raised her voice just slightly to ensure her son was listening to her. "Richard, that after everything she's been through I think she is allowed a certain learning curve when it comes to trust issues. Just think about it." Castle removed his hands from his pockets and reached over to wrap his arms around his mother's shoulders pulling her into him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and patted his back lightly as she pulled away placing a kiss to his cheek.

"Thank you, Mother."

"Anytime, kiddo. You know that…"

"I do."

"Go, do your lecture for Alexis' class and then make your amends." He moved from her at her admonition. He was almost through the door when her voice ringing through the bare room made him stop and return his attention to his mother: "And Richard…"

"Yes?"

"Tell Kate I love her, too."

"I will." With a nod and a smile, which finally reached the blue of his eyes, he turned and left the room.

~~XX~~XX~~XX~~

Kate Beckett sat in her cruiser in front of the twelfth precinct. Her phone was in her lap as she stared out the front window at the bumper of the car in front of her not truly seeing it. The words Alexis had spoken continued to loop through her brain. A part of her was still incredibly angry that Castle had once again gone behind her back regarding her mother's case, and at the same time, a part of her knew she was being irrational. He had only done it to keep her from running into the line of fire as she always did. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back against the headrest of her seat as her hand unconsciously moved toward her chest. She could almost feel the heat of the scar between her breasts burning the skin on the pads of her fingertips through the fabric of her shirt. She took in a deep breath and then started when her phone began to ring. She opened her eyes and looked at the device in her hand swallowing hard when she saw the name on the display. She thumbed the little green icon on the bottom of the screen from left to right and raised the phone to her ear.

"Hey, Evelyn. How are you?"

"Kate! I'm doing well…just wondering if we were still on for lunch today?" Kate's eyes widened and she looked to the clock on her dash. It was almost ten o'clock in the morning. Kate knew she needed to call Castle and get him to come down to the station, but she also knew he would be up at Columbia shortly and she likely would not be able to get him down here until after his lecture. "How about we make it brunch instead?"

"Sounds great to me. See you in about thirty minutes?"

"See you then."

~~XX~~XX~~XX~~

Thirty-five minutes after hanging up the phone, Kate Beckett pulled up in front of the Montgomery residence on 1st Street. She placed her unit in park and walked to the front door. As she raised her hand to press the doorbell the door opened and Evelyn Montgomery reached over the threshold pulling in the younger woman for a hug.

"It's so good to see you." Beckett said softly as Evelyn released her and pulled her inside the house, closing the door behind them. Evelyn moved gracefully toward the front parlor of the house and sat on the couch, Beckett taking the spot next to her facing the fireplace. She allowed her gaze to momentarily trail up to the flag and shield which adorned the mantel along with the family photographs. They filled the next twenty minutes with small talk while eating. Evelyn then poured out tea for each of them and leaned back on the couch regarding Beckett.

"Some people say your life flashes in front of your eyes before you die. Others say that it is not your life in its entirety, but moments - mostly of happiness - that rush back into your mind. Still others say that only those you love most come to you in memories of times shared." At the look of confusion in Beckett's eyes, Evelyn continued, "I used to wonder what happened in the moment you were told someone you loved had died. No one really ever mentions that, do they? They talk about remembering every detail of the moment they were told - but what about what went through their minds? Would the same thing happen? Would the life I had shared with them flash before me entirely? Or would it just be the moments? Still shots of time captured forever but only in my mind? Nothing tangible...nothing to hold onto - just the remembrances? I guess I don't have to wonder any more." Evelyn spoke the words plainly as she set her teacup on the coffee table in front of her. She shifted slightly on the couch and let her gaze fall onto the fireplace mantel where the badge now sat next to the folded up flag they handed her at the funeral.

"The wondering would be better." Beckett said raising her teacup to her lips and taking a sip of the translucent, slightly green tinged liquid. Evelyn looked back to her and smiled sadly.

"What happened for you?"

"It was all of the moments. But then all of the regrets, as well. Every argument we ever had, every time I told her I hated her and ran off angry. You know, like you said, every moment of that night is engrained in my memory: from where we had dinner, our waiter's name, the stupid things my dad and I talked about…everything up until I walked out of that alley but it took me three days to remember that I had told her I loved her when we talked on the phone that afternoon."

"I didn't."

"Didn't what?" Beckett asked.

"I didn't tell him I loved him." Evelyn said, as the tears began to slip slowly down her face. "He grabbed me and kissed me and told me he loved me. I looked him right in the eye and said 'I know', kissed him and left to get the girls to school…I'll never stop regretting that I didn't say it back. And now he'll never know."

"He knows, Evelyn. He knew." Beckett set her teacup on the table next to Evelyn's and reached towards her. She grabbed Evelyn's hand tightly in her own.

"Don't have regrets, Kate." Evelyn said after a moment of silence had passed between the women. "Don't live your life in a way that you will look back and wonder 'if only'."

"You know you're the second person to give me that advice."

"Well it's good advice."

"Evelyn…"

"It's not that easy."

"Why?"

"Every time it seems like there's progress, every time I feel like I'm finally moving forward some thing hits and knocks me off balance again. It never stops. The calm comes and I stand up and brush myself off and then the torrent begins again…the shit rolls in and I'm left battered on the ground, barely breathing, clinging to something that just keeps slipping out of my grasp." Beckett raised her eyes to Evelyn's and saw the unspoken questions there. It was a look that reminded her of Castle, all those subtle ways he silently asked for answers to the questions she posed with her very being, her every day existence; she never could resist that look. "Castle."

"What did he do this time?" Evelyn asked with a slight roll of her eyes and Beckett laughed, letting the tension that had been building in her shoulders release.

"He's been looking into my mom's case…behind my back." Evelyn's eyes narrowed at her, and she continued on in explanation. "For the last year, actually more than, he's been telling me to move past it. That I'm more than my mom's case…that my strengths as an investigator aren't contingent upon solving that case. And the entire time he's been looking into it behind my back to, as he says, 'keep me safe'." She pursed her lips and leaned back on the couch with her arms crossed over her chest. She could feel the older woman's eyes on her and Beckett slowly allowed her eyes to meet Evelyn's across the slight expanse of the couch that lay between them. When Evelyn spoke her voice was measured.

"What do you mean keep you safe?" Beckett closed her eyes, the words forming in her mind as she attempted to find the way to phrase the situation without her friend finding out their horrible secret – Castle's, Esposito's, Ryan's and hers – about the reasons behind her shooting and Roy's involvement in Johanna's murder.

"Apparently the case goes higher…deeper than we initially thought. And he basically made a deal with some shadow person for my life. If I stayed away from the case…I would be safe."

"You were shot…"

"That was before the deal was made."

"A deal to keep you protected…"

"Yes." Beckett breathed out on a sigh. So many secrets, so many half-truths and white lies swirled around in her head she was amazed she could spot anything true anymore. Maybe she could not. Maybe that was the reason for this whole mess in the first place…her instincts were usually more on point than they had been lately.

"Kate, I've lost the love of my life." Evelyn continued in Beckett's silence, "The only man I'll ever love. He's gone forever…he's never coming home and I have to live with the fact that I didn't tell him I loved him the last time I saw him. Don't live with regret, honey. Don't waste one more second." Beckett raised her eyes from where they had fallen to her friend's eyes – met the pain and the truth in the dark brown irises. She took in a deep breath, letting her shoulders fully relax.

"I won't."

~~X~~X~~X~~

Kate Beckett stepped from the Montgomery household into the too bright daylight. It was sometimes comical to her how on the days when she felt most adrift, most on edge – the sun would be shining brightly in a clear azure sky without a cloud to be seen. Seemed that it should be the opposite. She stood for a moment, crossed her arms across her middle and sucked in a breath. Not exactly clean air in Manhattan but it was all she had ever really known having been born and raised in the city and at that moment when everything felt like it was falling apart it gave her a sense of normalcy, of comfort. The sharp notes of her ringtone broke into her respite and she reached into her pocket thumbing the green icon on her screen when she noticed Ryan's name on the ID.

"Hey, Ryan…" She began as his voice rushed to speak over her.

"Beckett…something's happened. Traffic called us because they couldn't get a hold of you and they thought you would want to know."

"Ryan…what are you talking about?" She was met with silence over the line, the seconds stretching out long enough for her imagination to take hold of her thoughts and spin them into something all too twisted. His voice was almost inaudible when it broke through the airwaves:

"There's been an accident."

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><p>Anyone still reading? DO I need to keep going or should I just leave it there? :)<p> 


	7. Chapter Seven

**And here we go again - thank you SO much to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter! Glad you're still reading and enjoying!**

_disclaimer: haha! Don't I wish..._

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><p>Beckett's breath rushed from her lungs leaving her light headed, barely hearing the words Ryan was practically yelling to her from the speaker on her phone. Her arms went limp and the phone fell to the ground as she gasped in air. Her hands fell to her knees as she tried desperately to stay upright – to keep the blackness that was encroaching on the edges of her vision from taking over completely. She closed her eyes, took in two deep breaths filling her diaphragm, then reached down and picked up the phone with a trembling hand.<p>

"What hospital?" She barked into the phone as she pulled her keys from her pocket, unlocked her cruiser and dropped into the driver's side. She closed the door as she ended the call with Ryan, shoved the key into the ignition and felt the engine of the car flare to life under her. She jammed her foot on the accelerator then jerked the wheel to the left barely checking her mirrors to make sure the street was clear. She forced her foot as far down as it would go as she pointed her cruiser toward the Columbia University campus.

She double parked at 113th and Amsterdam and practically fell from the car, slamming the door behind her while almost forgetting to lock it as she moved onto the campus. She noticed a cluster of flustered looking students standing on the corner and yelled to ask where the Philosophy building was. They pointed her in the right direction and she took off at a sprint dodging harried looking pedestrians. She mounted the steps to the building and began searching for the right room following the labyrinth of unfamiliar halls. When she finally reached her destination she forced herself to take a breath before opening the door quietly. She entered at the back of a large lecture hall with seats set up stadium style from the front where a chair sat in the middle of the room up to the back where she now stood. She was unnoticed until the door behind her slammed shut and every eye in the 150-seat hall turned toward her.

"Beckett?" She registered the disbelief and the slight anger still lacing his voice as she met his eyes – bright blue and questioning – from where he sat in front of the group of students. His head cocked to the side as he regarded her, no doubt trying to figure out what would make her bound into a classroom in the Columbia campus in the middle of the afternoon when he knew she was right in the middle of a case. She tried not to look at the students as she passed by them, especially when she noted Alexis' eyes on her.

"Castle, I need to talk to you." She said quietly when she reached the front of the room.

"Beckett now is really not the time…"

"It's not about last night," She leaned in closer to his ear to whisper to him, "Please." He looked more closely at her, turned toward a woman standing to his right, who Beckett assumed was the professor, and then pushed away from the chair following her to a corner of the room. She fought every impulse to lean into him and then wondered why. Why should she act like she was completely unbothered by the events that had unfolded when it was so obviously not true? But she also knew now was not the time. She met his eyes.

"Beckett…what's going on?"

"Ryan called me…"

"Ok…?"

"It's Martha." She had imagined what his reaction would be on the drive over here and it was nothing as she thought it would be. She saw the fear, the horror race across his features and settle into the clear blue of his eyes, clouding them. She noticed how the rise and fall of his chest came faster and his Adam's apple hitched in this throat as he swallowed harshly and tried to breathe.

"What…." He swallowed again, the words getting caught in his throat.

"Traffic called it in. A hit and run. When they couldn't get a hold of me they called Ryan and Espo."

"But what…" He closed his eyes and raised his hand to scrub down his face.

"She's being taken to Saint Luke's. Last anyone told Ryan she was in critical condition and unresponsive at the scene."

"Wait…" He opened his eyes and locked them on hers. "She's alive?"

"YES! Oh my god! Yes, she's alive!" He huffed out a breath and doubled over resting his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. "I'm so sorry, I should have started with that, right?"

"Yeah, maybe." He said with a slight edge to his voice. She closed her eyes and without thinking let her left hand rest on his shoulder as it rose and fell with his inhalations. The scared voice from across the room finally jolted them from their conversation.

"Dad, Kate?" Beckett turned toward the grouping of students and noticed Alexis standing near the edge closest to Beckett and Castle. The girl's face was ghostly white. Undoubtedly she had deduced something was wrong from the tone in Kate's voice and her father's dejected posture. Her eyes were wide and questioning as Castle stood carefully and walked back toward her, his mouth set in a grim line as he approached her. Before Castle reached her, Alexis spoke: "It's Gram isn't it?"

Her voice practically echoed around the stillness of the room and Castle nearly broke down at how small his grown-up daughter sounded. The resignation in her voice was something he had only heard once before when her best friend's dog had been run over by a drunk driver when she was seven. She had cried for her friend for hours.

"She's going to be fine, Alexis." Beckett said from his side. Castle had not even felt her approach behind him. But she stood strong and unflinching at his shoulder – his partner, as always.

"But…if you're here doesn't that mean…"

"No." Beckett insisted. She noticed the tone of assurance in her voice bolstered Alexis when the young woman took in a breath and straightened her shoulders.

"I…we…we need to get to the hospital." Castle stammered out as he turned toward the professor.

"Go. Alexis, just let me know how long you'll be out of class." The professor said softly as Alexis reached down to grab her bag and her books letting her gaze rest on her boyfriend, Ethan, for a moment before moving towards Castle. Beckett noticed him fumbling with his keys and she reached over to grab them from his hands.

"Saint Luke's is just a few blocks down. We'll walk."

~~X~~X~~X~~

When they walked through the glass doors into the white washed halls of the trauma center at Saint Luke's Beckett finally let herself release her grip on Castle's arm. She looked to him as he walked almost in a daze up to the counter and the slim, dark-haired nurse standing in light pink scrubs behind it. The nurse looked up when he approached but when he went to open his mouth the words would not come. He felt Beckett's presence at his side and her soft, even tone asking for information on Martha Rodgers. The nurse smiled just so and asked for identification or if she was family. He barely registered Beckett telling the nurse she was a detective with the NYPD as Beckett flashed her badge and that the people with her were Martha Rodger's son and granddaughter.

The nurse's voice was soft when she spoke telling them that Ms. Rodgers was still in surgery to repair a collapsed lung but she would have the doctor come speak to them as soon as possible. Beckett thanked her. The nurse handed a clipboard toward Castle over the desk which he took without a thought and then felt his daughter's and Beckett's hands on his arms guiding him toward the chairs lining the walls. He sat and found himself staring, unseeing, at the paperwork on the clipboard gracing his lap. Eventually he felt Beckett's hand reach over and touch the inside of his elbow lightly then take the clipboard from him. Castle registered her hand reach into his inside jacket pocket to retrieve his wallet and set about filling out the insurance forms. He heard Beckett asking Alexis for answers to the questions she did not know – family medical history and the like – and just kept reminding himself to breathe. He almost lost his mother today.

~~XX~~XX~~XX~~

He was not sure how much time had passed when he felt Alexis' fingers intertwine with his. He startled and looked up, meeting his daughter's eyes.

"Surgery's done, dad. The doctor said we can go see her now." He nodded and looked up to see Beckett standing next to an older man wearing blue scrubs under a white coat – assumed he was the doctor – and thanked the man before letting Alexis lead them both down a white washed hallway. The hall seemed dark even though he logically knew that was not true – just the subliminal effect of his mood on his surroundings. A door opened and Alexis stepped inside pulling him along with her. When he entered the room the sight nearly made him pass out. There was his mother - the stage diva Martha Rodgers who was normally so eccentric and full of life and bright colors – lying in a bed with tubes and monitors attached to her. Castle had never seen the formidable woman he had known all his life look so frail. He took a deep breath to combat the stinging behind his eyes – to keep from falling apart – as he forced his legs to move closer to the bed so he could grasp his mother's hand. He noted Alexis was already on the opposite side of the bed, Martha's hand in hers as she sat down in a chair that he did not know if she had pulled up or was already there when they entered. He turned to scour the room finding another chair and pulling it up to the bed he sat and took Martha's hand in his. For what felt like the first time in his life, he realized how small his mother was, her hand dwarfed by his own and cool to the touch due to the constant air conditioning meant to keep the hospital sterile.

A quiet knock on the door brought him out of his musings as Alexis moved to open the door. She turned toward him from the doorway and he noticed the man in blue scrubs.

"Mr. and Ms. Castle, I'm Dr. Harty. I'm the surgeon who operated on your mother and grandmother." He said as she nodded first to Castle then Alexis.

"Is she alright, doctor?" Alexis asked, her voice stronger than Castle thought possible.

"She'll be fine. We repaired a collapsed lung and set a fracture in her left leg. She has a lot of bruising and lacerations all along her left side where it appears the vehicle impacted. Some bruising on her ribs and she may have a concussion."

"When will she wake up?" Alexis asked when Castle once again failed to find his voice.

"It's unsure right now. At her age taking a hit of that magnitude should have killed her. It's honestly a miracle she's alive." Alexis' hand rose to her mouth in an attempt to try and hold in the strangled cry that flew from her mouth at the doctor's words. Castle reached out his free hand towards his daughter and grabbed the arm that was dangling by her side, squeezing it. "I have rounds to finish, but I'll be back in a couple hours to check on her. Please, let me know if you have any other questions."

"Thank you, doctor." Alexis said as the man turned and left the room, closing the door behind him. Alexis shifted her arm so her hand was resting in Castle and she squeezed it in return. Castle raised his eyes from Martha's prone form to his daughter. Starling blue eyes filled with grief and sadness met in the silence of the room – the constant beep beep beep of the monitors the only soundtrack to their horror.

~~XX~~XX~~XX~~

Kate Beckett spent the next hour after watching Castle and Alexis walk down the hallway away from her alternately pacing the waiting room and constantly shifting in a stiff chair that could not be called anything near comfortable. She was sitting with her head in her hands when she felt the soft touch of the hand on her shoulder. She lifted her head to find herself eye to eye with Alexis.

"Hey," Beckett said as she stood, stumbling slightly from moving too quickly. "How is she?"

"The doctor said she should be ok…said it's a miracle she's alive." Alexis uttered the final word with a cry in her voice. Beckett released the air from her lungs that she had not realized she was holding in and grabbed both of Alexis' hands in her own.

"How are you?" Alexis closed her eyes for a moment, took a deep breath and then looked back at Beckett.

"I'm…ok…I think."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I will be anyway. At least she's ok…that's all that matters."

"Yes it is." Beckett dropped Alexis' hands and wrapped her arms around the girl's shoulders pulling her into a hug. Alexis' wound her arms around Beckett's waist, surprising the Detective when she tightened her grip and allowed her head to rest on the older woman's shoulder. Beckett closed her eyes and let her cheek rest on Alexis' head, tightening her arms around the girl's shoulders. Beckett was not certain how much time passed before Alexis stood up straight, sniffling slightly, as she removed her arms from around Beckett and wrapped them around her own stomach like she was trying and failing to fight off a chill. Her eyes were red-rimmed.

"You should go in." Alexis said and jerked her head toward the hallway she had appeared from.

"Alexis, I don't think that's such a good idea right now."

"Look, I know that you and dad fought…but that's not important. He needs you. Whether he'll admit it or not."

"Still, this is a family thing…"

"And what do you think you are?"

"I…"

"Kate," Alexis said as she dropped her arms from her middle fixing a determined stare on Beckett. "If you honestly think we don't consider you family by now…"

"It's not that…"

"Then what?"

"I don't want to make things worse for him, Alexis."

"How can you make things worse?"

"By walking in that room and stirring up everything that's happened…" Alexis' brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed as she regarded Beckett. "There are circumstances surrounding that fight that you don't know about…"

"I know that he was looking into your mother's murder behind your back to protect you. I'm guessing that's because whoever is behind it is more powerful than you thought originally and the only way to keep you alive after being shot last year was to keep you from the case." Beckett did not need to answer Alexis, the slight widening of her eyes told her all she needed to know. "I don't know exactly what happened and I honestly…Kate, I know you probably think whatever happened to Gram is your fault. And even if it is in some way related to your mom's case…this was NOT your fault."

Alexis' fiery eyes burned into Beckett. The detective sighed and dropped her chin to her chest closing her eyes. Then her phone rang.

~~XX~~XX~~XX~~

He was sitting in the chair next to Martha's bed, head in one hand with the other holding onto his mother. The sound of the door opening barely registered in his ears. He did not look up figuring it was just Alexis coming back into the room. The soft hand running lightly through his hair was a surprise at first, then he closed his eyes and let the sensation of her touch calm him. He leaned into her touch and it nearly made her cry. She swallowed back the burning sensation behind her eyes and opened her mouth to speak. He raised his head from his hand and looked at her – his blue eyes so stark in the waning light of the room it made her heart skip a beat as she kneeled in front of him. She left her hand in his hair and placed the other on his thigh as she leaned into him. His hand came up to rest on hers on his thigh as he leaned further into her touch and his eyes fluttered shut.

"I'm so sorry…" They both said as Castle opened his eyes. Kate smiled as the tears she had been holding back fell at the misty look in his eyes.

"Castle, I…"

"Don't, Kate."

"No, I need to say this."

"Kate, everything that happened…it doesn't matter."

"Don't do that, ok?" He narrowed his eyes at her. "Don't let me off the hook. I know I have every right to be upset, but...I lied to you and you forgave me. Then I find out you lied to me and…"

"We fight, you slap me in the face and run out on me."

"Yeah." Her voice came out in little more than a whisper as her head dropped. She felt the weight of his hand leave hers as he reached toward her, placed his hand under her chin and lifted her head to look him in the eye.

"I seem to remember fighting then walking out on you after I found out that you lied."

"We are quite a pair aren't we?" She sighed as his hand moved to cup the side of her face and she closed her eyes letting her head fall into his touch.

"Oh, yeah."

"So what do we do?"

"You're asking me? You know my relationship track record."

"You know mine, too!" Kate laughed and turned her head slightly to lay a kiss on his open palm. "Maybe the first step is saying that I'm sorry I lied to you, and I'm sorry I over reacted. I do know why you did what you did, I do. I may not like it, and I may still want to throttle you a bit for it, but I do get it." She turned back to face him.

"And I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I should have said something to you. I was afraid."

"Afraid…?"

"That you would run even further into your mother's case…that you would…that you would run…from me. Can you look me in the eye right now and tell me that you wouldn't have? That if I had told you right away when you first came back to the precinct, that you would have just walked away from the case? That you would have stopped looking"

"No. I can't."

"Can you now?" His eyes bore into hers as she studied his face. She let out a breath.

"Yes. It took over a year of therapy and the thought of losing you, but…yes. I can walk away…I have."

"What do you mean?"

"Ryan and Esposito just called. They were able to track the call I intercepted on your phone to a burner cell. After some crafty police work and apparently the help of an army friend of Espo's they think they found the guy."

"Who was it?"

"I don't know."

"You didn't even ask?"

"No, I didn't."

"You honestly don't want to know who it was that would threaten you and my family?"

"Castle! I have to get some distance from this case! I know what it does to me…to us!"

"Kate…whoever that was it may be the person who ran down and tried to kill my mother this afternoon." She pursed her lips as his eyes bore into her. "Kate, please. We can do this, together. We can find the bastard who did this and put him away…and then we can move on with our lives." Without a word she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone.

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><p>Only takes a moment to click on that pretty little "review" box and let me know what you think! THANKS!<p> 


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