Black Cat 1. Chapter I: Everybody's Fool

**Author's Note**: Well, here it is. The first multi-chaptered Sheldon/Kyoko fic on this site. And, what do you know…? It takes place four years after the manga and involves a very angry Kyoko and a very confused Sheldon. Strange. Might be somewhat out-of-character. But it's my idea of how things might turn out for the poor pair of Tao masters.

For those of you who have only seen the anime, you may be surprised that I write Kyoko as such a dark character. I haven't seen the anime, but I've read the manga, and Kyoko _definitely_ has a dark side. I'm just elaborating on that facet of her character. This is what I think she would be like if that dark side grew.

Alrighty, then. Enough explanation. Here's the story. Don't be afraid to tell me what you think. Any criticism is more than welcome.

—

**Disclaimer**: I don't own _Black Cat_. I also don't own _Tourniquet_, _Anything for You_, or _Everybody's Fool_. Those belong to Evanescence and Wind-Up records.

—

_I tried to kill the pain, but only brought more  
__I lay dying, and I'm pouring  
__Crimson regret and betrayal  
__I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming  
__Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost?_

—

Chapter I: Everybody's Fool

—

The whiskey burned her sensitive throat as it poured down her esophagus. Slamming down the shot glass on the polished cherry-wood surface of the bar, she blew out a deep breath. It was just one more boyfriend; she had dumped countless others before him. He hadn't been special, or anything…just another head on the chopping block. Still, the whole situation frustrated her. The fact that she was completely incapable of getting emotionally involved with any of the men that she met was completely infuriating. The most that she could feel for them was lust, and even _that_ was short-lived. In the end, she just found that she was bored out of her mind.

Raking her slender fingers through her long black hair, she closed her eyes momentarily, then held out her shot glass for the bartender to refill. He gave her an incredulous look, then shrugged and granted her unspoken request. It was her sixth shot in one sitting, and she didn't even _like_ whiskey. Not that it mattered, or anything. All she needed was something strong.

She couldn't even remember when she had started turning to alcohol to ease her awareness of her troubles. Everything just seemed to blend together. After she had heard that Creed had been defeated, she had tried as hard as she possibly could to find Train and congratulate him. She had been hoping that he would let her trail along with him and his friends. But, she never found him. At that time, she had only been seventeen. She went back to school and maintained high grades until her graduation. Then, her whole world had seemed to halt.

Attending a University had no longer interested her. Becoming a sweeper had been an obsession of hers ever since she had parted ways with her dear Black Cat, but she soon found that the sweeper's life wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. At least, for her, it wasn't. She found that it was hard to keep herself from killing her targets. With her powers, it was so easy to take a human life. However, she had promised Train that she would never kill again, and she was determined to keep that promise, no matter what it took.

Then, the long line of boyfriends had started. The first had been particularly significant to her, because she had never really been noticed by guys when she had been in school. She was completely enamored, and did everything that she could have possibly done to keep her boyfriend happy. She didn't realize that she was merely trying to compensate for the growing apathy that she felt towards him. Completely convinced that a physical commitment would give her exactly what she needed to bond with him, she lost her virginity at age eighteen. Afterwards, she finally came to the realization that she was in a dead-end relationship, and she broke up with her boyfriend—determined to never make the same mistake again.

Her determination didn't last for very long. She tried over and over again to establish a healthy relationship with a man, and she failed every time. At first, she had believed that it was her fault—she had believed that there was something very wrong with her that was causing every relationship to be a failure. Then, she began blaming the men that she was with. Eventually, she came to the conclusion that men were a waste of time, and were only there to be used.

She realized that she had never really been in love with Train. He was merely an idol—someone that she had a school-girl crush on. He was definitely one of the most amazing people that she had ever met, she would _never_ deny that, but she had merely been obsessed with him. She had never _loved_ him. Had she even been capable of loving?

Unfortunately, the answer to that question was "yes." She had been capable of loving. And it had all blown up in her face.

The day that Sheldon had left, she had tried her hardest to put on a brave front and wear an ever-cheery smile. Apparently, it had fooled everyone. She had acted like she was perfectly happy with the chance that she had been given by Train and Chronos. But, in truth, she had felt like someone had driven a white-hot knife into her heart and had twisted it a few times. She had been crushed.

Nobody had thought that her spirit could have been broken, but it was. Every day, she had felt it crack a little more. After she had graduated from her high-school, she had found that every distraction that she had relied so heavily upon had disappeared, and she was left with nothing but the truth. She had tried so desperately to fill in the cracks with her various romantic relationships, but nothing had ever worked for her. It had taken her a long time to realize that nothing _could_ ever work. It was all or nothing, and she constantly found herself left with nothing.

When Sheldon had decided to leave the Apostles of the Stars, she had gone with him. She had known full-well that her actions could have very well been the signature on her own death sentence, but she hadn't cared. The last thing that she had wanted was for Sheldon to be alone. She had felt that she belonged with him. Apparently, he hadn't felt the same way.

Maybe she had been too eager. Maybe she had been too childish. Or maybe she simply hadn't been strong enough. The reasons didn't really matter—the bottom line was that he had left her when she had needed him the most. Without the proper guidance, her life had fallen to pieces.

It was undeniable that she was beautiful. Having grown out considerably since she was seventeen, her silky black tresses reached down to the middle of her back. Her legs were long and shapely, and her curves had developed nicely. There wasn't a single flaw in her complexion; everything about her was properly groomed and manicured. Black, form-fitting, somewhat revealing clothes complimented her form perfectly. The only things about her that seemed out-of-place were her blood-shot violet eyes. Too much alcohol and too little sleep could do that to a person.

Paying her bar tab, she sighed and swung herself down from the stool—pausing about as she swayed, trying to regain her balance. The room swam before her eyes, but she still managed to push her way out of the rather populated bar. It was pitch-black outside, and several people stood around, talking and smoking. The stench of tobacco was nauseating, and she couldn't help but make a face and sound of disgust. It didn't go unnoticed.

Two tattooed men, who she happened to recognize as wanted criminals from the sweeper posters that she had seen, stepped over to block her way—their arms crossed and their brows furrowed menacingly. "Hey, Princess, you got a problem with something?"

Blinking in a vain effort to clear her vision, Kyoko glared up at them. "Smoking is a nasty habit. That's all."

The taller of the men snorted in mock amusement. "What are you, my mother?"

One of Kyoko's slender eyebrows quirked as she canted her head to the side—a small smirk playing at the corners of her lips. "Not unless you look down your mother's shirt that way."

Shocked momentarily, the men stood there, just staring at her. Obviously, they weren't used to being talked back to—especially by short girls who seemed completely defenseless. Then, suddenly, the shorter one lunged forward and hit her on the side of the face with enough force to send her falling backwards.

As Kyoko landed on her backside, hand pressed to the side of her face, she heard collective gasps from the people around her. Apparently, they were all ready to see a fight. _Guess it wouldn't be too hard to give them one_. A dangerous look flickered through her eyes as she spit out the blood that the strike had drawn from her mouth. Standing up, she smiled wickedly at the two criminals—her body beginning to glow with a familiar flame. "Tsk…what a shame…it seems that you two won't be able to die of lung cancer, after all. I'm going to beat it to the punch."

But, before she could strike, she suddenly found herself in utter darkness. Her eyes widened in surprise and fear as she found herself suffocating. Everything seemed to alternate between red and black, and she found the air around her unnaturally hot and sticky. Was she dying? But…_how_?

Before she could find an explanation, she fainted.

—

Sheldon sat, hands folded in his lap, silently watching the girl on the bed beside him. She seemed so peaceful and content when she slept—almost as innocent as the girl that he had known four years ago. Her black hair softly framed her round face as her head laid against the white pillow, tilted slightly to the side with her lips parted slightly. Her chest rose and fell softly, and he couldn't help but notice how well she had developed over the years. She was, quite obviously, not a schoolgirl anymore.

He had been watching her from a distance for a few months. It killed him to see how she kept sinking further and further into the darkness of pointless sex and alcoholism. But, then, who was he to step in and intervene? He hadn't been a part of her life for many years, and she certainly wouldn't drop everything and return to the girl that she had used to be just because he randomly dropped back into the picture. In fact, he was nearly convinced that she hated him. It was the reason why he had never revealed himself to her.

However, standing idly by and watching her kill wasn't something that he could do. She had made a promise to Train, and he wasn't about to let her break it. Her unwillingness to shed blood was the one shred of innocence that she still hung onto. It was the one thing that kept her from fully submitting to the darkness.

It wasn't his place to save her, and he knew it. Still…he couldn't help himself. She couldn't save herself—she could hardly take care of herself. She was destroying her body and her life, and what was worse was that she didn't even care. He knew that, if she didn't change, she would be dead within the next few years. Knowing that…well, it killed him. He had done what he had thought was best for her. Obviously, he had been wrong.

_I'm sorry, Kyoko. I failed you._

Sighing, he moved to stand up from the chair that he was sitting in, but stopped short—freezing when he heard her moan and shift. He knew that he should move…he knew that he should leave before Kyoko awoke and saw him sitting there. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to move from his seat. He continued to watch her intently, even forcing himself to keep from smiling when he saw her eyes flutter open. He knew that she hated him, and yet…he couldn't help but hope that she still cared about him the way that she had cared when she had left Creed and had followed him. He was hoping against all odds, but he found that he had to.

The look in Kyoko's eyes when her gaze met his was one of complete astonishment. Her mouth hung open, then closed and opened again as if she wanted to say something, but couldn't. Eventually, she managed to choke out a strangled, "Shel…don…?"

There he sat, right in front of her—dressed completely in black, but without his hat and glasses—a weak smile on his lips. "Good morning, Miss Kyoko."

Kyoko's face went completely pale, and it certainly wasn't from her hangover. Suddenly, everything made sense. The night before, he had surrounded her with his blood, causing her to faint. The mere thought would have been permanently scarring to most people, but, to Kyoko, it seemed perfectly normal. However, she didn't understand _why_ he did what he did, and she didn't understand _how_ he had shown up like that. He had…Sheldon had…

Suddenly flying out of the bed, she gripped him by the collar of his coat and shook him roughly—doing everything that she could to keep the tears from welling up in her eyes. "Where the hell were you? Why did you leave me like that? Tell me!"

Sheldon blinked once, somewhat taken aback, then caused his face to resume its usual blank expression. "I didn't want to put you in any danger. I still wanted to go after Chronos, and you had promised the Black Cat that you would never kill again. I couldn't take you along with me. You didn't belong with me."

Clenching her teeth, Kyoko unconsciously tightened her grip on Sheldon's coat—her knuckles turning white as her hands shook. "In other words, I was a liability."

Remaining silent, Sheldon calmly averted his gaze from hers. He wasn't going to answer her; obviously, she wouldn't understand his reasoning. She was convinced that his reasons for leaving had been entirely selfish. He had done it for her safety, but…it had hurt her so deeply. How was he going to convince her that it had all been for her own good?

Kyoko withdrew one hand from his coat collar and soundly slapped him on the side of the face. "Damn you." Her voice shook with emotions that she had to strain to control. It took all of the self-control that she possessed to keep from exploding into tears and beating the crap out of him, all at the same time. She pulled back, staring at him for a mere moment, then turned and ran out of the room—slamming the door behind her.

Sheldon winced as he heard the door slam shut. He had been a fool to hope that she would welcome him back with open arms. She had every right to react the way that she did. The most that he could do for her was to leave her alone and slip out of her life once and for all. He was even beginning to regret interfering in the first place.

Then, hearing a loud thump outside, he immediately sprang to his feet. Flinging the door open, he quickly glanced around the hall outside. His worried cerulean gaze rested on Kyoko, who was hunched over the ground—arms wrapped around her stomach as she proceeded to hurl its meager contents. Apparently, she hadn't been eating much, either.

Tears began to stream down her face as she started coughing. Sheldon immediately rushed to her side. He knew that she had too much alcohol in her system, and it was starting to take its toll. However, her stress level had undoubtedly been raised dramatically, thanks to him, and that was aggravating her condition. At first, she tried to push him away, but her shaking body was simply too weak to resist in any way, shape, or form.

Even after her stomach had been completely emptied, her body continued to dry-heave, causing her to cough even harder. Before long, blood started to fly out of her mouth. She managed to sob between strangled breaths and strained coughs. It was obvious that she was in great amounts of pain.

Incredibly alarmed, and feeling utterly helpless, Sheldon reached a gloved hand over and swept her hair out of her face. It was beginning to stick to her face due to the sweat that beaded all over her skin, and he knew that it must have been uncomfortable for her. "Kyoko…" He paused as her coughing seemed to calm a bit, then wrapped his arms around her waist—pulling her back against him. He knew that it would be pointless to talk to her; she was in so much pain, it was highly unlikely that she would even hear him. All that he could think to do was hold her as her body continued its convulsions, gently stroking her hair.

Eventually, Kyoko's body calmed down. Her breathing was labored and strangled, but she managed to regulate her body functions. She let out one more loud sob before going completely limp. She was utterly exhausted, and she had finally lost consciousness.

In the midst of her terror, she had still managed to keep herself completely clean. The only thing that wasn't clean was the carpet of the hallway. Sheldon hardly seemed to notice, though. He had more important things to deal with.

Placing one of his hands at the middle of her back, and hooking one arm under her knees, Sheldon lifted the sweat-soaked girl into his arms and carried her back into the room. He placed her gently on the bed—pausing once again to sweep her damp hair away from her face. That time, however, he did it in order to watch her instead of doing it for functionality.

After a few moments, he let out a sigh—slumping back into his chair, placing a hand against his forehead. Everything was a disaster. Kyoko hated him and would probably have liked it if he had turned up dead, yet he couldn't leave her…not when she was in such horrible condition. She _needed_ him, whether she would admit it or not.

Pursing his lips, Sheldon stood from his chair, looking rather determined. He walked towards the door, picking up his hat and glasses on the way. They had served him well for many years, so he had continued to stick with his traditional wardrobe.

Hand on the doorknob, he paused for a moment to glance back at Kyoko one last time, then donned his hat and disappeared through the door.

Perhaps, in time, she would learn to forgive him.


	2. Chapter II: Lies

**Author's Note**: Alright, guys. Here's the second chapter. Sorry that it's taken me so long to get it up; I've actually had it written for a long time. Things have just been tough around here lately, and I haven't had the time (or the inspiration) to really focus on writing.

I've started a new format with my chapters, starting with song lyrics, going to the title, then the actual story. I have also edited the first chapter, because I will not stand for blatant grammatical errors in any of my stories -koff-

Also, you may notice that this chapter has only one word of dialogue in it. Yes, ladies and jellybeans, _one_ word. The next chapter will have more character interaction. I promise.

So, without further ado…the chapter.

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**Disclaimer**: _Black Cat_ is not mine. The titles of the songs that I use as chapter and story names are not mine. Heck, this computer isn't even mine. I own NOTHING. -sobs brokenly-

Oh. And I also don't own _Going Under_, _Anything for You_, or _Lies_. Those belong to Evanescence and Wind-Up Records.

—

_Don't want your hand; this time, I'll save myself  
__Maybe I'll wake up for once  
__Not tormented daily, defeated by you  
__Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom,  
I__'m dying again…I'm going under_

—

Chapter II: Lies

—

Kyoko shifted and groaned—awakened by the light filtering through the yellowed blinds that covered the windows of the room. Blinking in alarm, she sat up rather quickly, only realizing her mistake after her head began to pound and she felt an overwhelming wave of nausea hit her stomach. She whimpered, pressing a hand against her forehead, and slowly lowered her body to lie back down on the bed. For the first time in a long while, she realized that she was afraid. She was alone in a room that wasn't hers, and she couldn't remember how she had gotten there. At least she hadn't woken up naked.

It took a while for her head to clear enough for her to begin thinking rationally. The day before, she had dumped her boyfriend of two months…and had gone to one of her regularly-visited bars in order to forget all about it. There had been the smoke, and the tattooed men, and…

_Sheldon_.

Her violet eyes flew open and she tossed her head to the side in order to see if he was still there, sitting beside the bed. He wasn't. Heaving a sigh, she slowly raised herself to a sitting position and wrapped her arms around her legs—resting the side of her head on her knees, staring blankly through the cracks in the window coverings. How had he managed to just show up like that…? But, even more strangely…_why_ had he come back? Just when she had gotten used to destroying her own life, he had showed up to destroy it for her.

Raising her head, she swept her matted hair out of her eyes and tucked the stray strands behind her ears. Her eyes were still somewhat blood-shot, but her entire expression was more subdued than it had been earlier in the day when she had run out of the room. The amounts of alcohol and anger in her system had both begun to diminish. She even began to feel slight remorse for the way that she had acted. It hadn't been entirely…necessary, had it?

Suddenly, she frowned a bit—smelling something strange in the air. It smelled almost like…coffee.

And, indeed, sitting on an end-table next to her bed was a fresh, steaming cup of coffee, accompanied by a glass of water and a few pain-killers for her headache. She couldn't help but smile slightly. Apparently, it hadn't been too long since he had been there last. She didn't particularly want to see him again, but…at least he had been considerate enough to leave her with _something_ useful with which to dull her hangover.

She took the mug of coffee in both of her hands and breathed in the rich aroma—letting her eyes flutter shut momentarily. It was a soothing blend of hazelnut, cinnamon, and Irish crème… Realizing that, she blinked rapidly. How on earth had Sheldon known to get that kind of coffee…? It certainly wasn't an accident that he had provided her favorite coffee. Had he been watching her for a long time?

The unnerving thought caused her to shiver slightly. She hurriedly gulped down the dark liquid, washing it down with aspirin and water. She knew that she would be feeling better in no time.

Unfortunately, "no time" wasn't coming soon enough.

When she finally felt well enough to stand up, she slipped down from the edge of the bed. The fluffy carpet felt nice under her bare feet. The temperature in the room was perfect—not too hot, and not too cold. It was especially nice for her, since her revealing top and miniskirt didn't cover much of her skin. She hated the cold; Sheldon probably knew that.

The realization caused her to scowl. He was suddenly being so…considerate. Since when had he been _considerate_? He had left her in the dust in order to take Chronos down. She had been nothing more than a weakness to him. When he had realized that, it was goodbye. When she had been a member of the Apostles of the Stars, he had been the only person that she had found was worth spending her time with. He had seemed to care about her, too. She knew that it had only been an act. She had been a charity case. Or, maybe he had just possessed a soft spot for women and children.

Why had he suddenly come back into her life after so many years? Did he want something from her? What could she possibly give him that he didn't already have? He had wanted his freedom, and he had gotten it. And he was _psychotic_ if he thought that she was going to help him in his fight against Chronos. The war had already been lost. It was over.

That had to be it. He only wanted to use her. If she had become a criminal by killing the man the night before, she would have been useless to him. That's why he had stopped her—it _must_ have been the reason. She was disgusted. Once again, he was pursuing his own interests at her expense. _That selfish bastard_.

Completely forgetting to get her shoes, she turned and headed for the door. She felt sick, and it wasn't because of her hangover. Every second that she continued to spend in his room caused her to become more and more mentally nauseous. The thought of being used, yet again, frightened her out of her wits. Much to her surprise, she found herself fighting against tears. It was bad enough that he had left her once. He was going to do it again. She had to leave before it got to that point.

After all, she wasn't the same person that he had left four years before. She wasn't the same bubbly, perky, naïve Kyoko. She wasn't about to fall for his trickery yet _again_.

She _wasn't_…was she?

Unconsciously letting out a dull scream of frustration, she flung the door open—only to be met by a somewhat surprised-looking Sheldon, his hand extended, stopped in the process of opening the door himself. Kyoko swallowed hard, then scowled dangerously and crossed her arms as she stood her ground. "Move."

Without a word, Sheldon stepped out of her way. His expression was hidden behind his reflective black glasses. Kyoko hesitated, then stalked out of the room and down the hall. He watched her go, a remorseful look flickering through his otherwise placid blue eyes. Then, with a sigh, he entered the room, closing the door behind him.

—

Once Kyoko had made it out of Sheldon's line of sight, she had broken into a run for the elevator. Her bare feet padded noisily against the rough carpet that covered the floor of the hall. She distantly observed that she was in a rather nice hotel, but she was too upset to consciously recognize that fact. The button for the elevator lit up when she pressed it, but the elevator wasn't coming soon enough for her. So, she kept pressing—frantically trying to get as far away from Sheldon as she could. Taking the stairs instead was a thought that hadn't crossed her mind. She was desperate.

Finally, a shrill 'ding' signaled the arrival of the elevator, and Kyoko let out a breath that she had, unconsciously, been holding. A feeling of inner numbness began to spread across her consciousness as she stepped inside the elevator and slumped against the wall—her arms dangling lifelessly at her sides. She couldn't understand it. She couldn't understand why he was there.

She couldn't understand why, deep down, she had wanted him to follow her from the hotel room and apologize from the bottom of his ice-cold heart. She couldn't understand why her own stone heart was breaking again.

She was supposed to _hate_ him…and she did, didn't she…? The rug had been pulled out from underneath her feet when he had left her so suddenly. How many nights had she spent crying herself to sleep from the feelings of loneliness and desolation that tore away at her soul? Train hadn't really cared for her—she was just another charity case to him. Chronos just wanted her to disappear. Hadn't everyone wanted that? Her own mother hadn't seemed too upset over the fact that she had been gone for so long. Nobody wanted her. Nobody cared.

Biting her lip, she dug her fingernails into the skin of her arms, doing everything that she could to keep from breaking down completely. Everything that she thought had been forgotten…everything that she thought had been conquered…it was all bubbling back up to the surface. It was all back in plain sight, and she couldn't ignore it. She could already envision the nightmares. Just when everything had seemed to go away…_he_ had come back.

She was infuriated and terrified at the same time. Why did he affect her so deeply? He had just been another one of the Hoshi no Shito…just another person that she was forced to work with…right?

Wrong. It was obvious that they had always been partial to each other. They always worked together. They always spent time with each other apart from work. She had even followed him away from Creed, knowing full-well that they were both placing themselves in a precarious position with the person who had the potential to overthrow Chronos and rule the world. Had her devotion meant nothing to him…? Had _she_ meant nothing to him?

Every part of her wanted to bang against the elevator doors and tell herself that it wasn't true. She wanted to scream and convince herself that Sheldon had always cared about her in some way, shape, or form…just like she had always cared about him. But she knew that she would just be lying to herself again. She had put her life on the line for him, and he had dropped her like a hot potato.

It had taken her a long time and many tears, but she had finally convinced herself that it was all for the better, and he just didn't want to be near her any longer (after all, who wants to be emotionally invested in someone that can't stand them?). Then, out of nowhere, he just waltzed back into her life. For what point and to what purpose? To hurt her again for the sake of gaining something? Could that possibly be it?

She wanted to say that it wasn't. But her aching heart already told her that it was.

As she stepped out onto the marble floor of the lobby, not even noticing the fact that she was barefoot and hardly wearing any clothes in the midst of a beautiful hotel, she shivered—but it wasn't from the cold. She was so close to being out of the building. She was so close to being away from _him_. At that moment, distance was her only desire.

He had broken her heart once before. She had never mended it, but she had found a way to bind it together with emotional duct tape and paper clips. The situation had left her wounded, scarred, and she had turned out to be a completely different person than she was before. Still, she had managed.

Would she be able to bounce back a second time?

She shuddered when she realized that she didn't have an answer to that question.

—

Sheldon sat motionless in a chair—staring numbly at the wall with unfocused and unblinking blue eyes. His mind was in perpetual over-drive, and his body seemed completely frozen. He wished that he could gather himself and snap out of whatever trance he was in, but he found that he couldn't. He was stuck, and it was all his own fault. Everything that he had tried to do had been wrong.

With each passing moment, he became more and more aware of how condemnably selfish he was. Kyoko was obviously hurting, and she was hurting because of him…because of what he had so carelessly done. He had no right to jump back into her life after four years of absence, and he knew it. Then, why had he done it with so little hesitation…?

He had done it because he loved her. It had been the reason why he had left her, in the first place. Yes, he had wanted to protect her from everything that he was getting himself mixed up in, but she had held her own in the past. She hadn't been a weakling, even at seventeen years of age. In fact, she was one of the strongest, most determined women that he knew. Yes, he had left to protect her. But he had also left to protect himself.

There was no room in his life for love. There was no room in his life for Kyoko. She had such a strong impact on his life, and he had started to find himself desiring things that he had never desired before. He had wanted nothing more than for her to remain by his side, but he convinced himself that it wasn't as important as conquering Chronos. Conquering Chronos was something that he was comfortable with…something that was safe and familiar to him. Love…Kyoko herself…was not.

She had been so young then. She had been so impressionable and starry-eyed. Despite the fact that she was a dangerous fugitive who had killed numerous people, she had been so…innocent. Almost like a puppy that tore an expensive couch to shreds because it didn't know any better. Everything about her had been attractive and mesmerizing to him. It was almost as if she was a witch, and he had fallen under her spell. The mere idea had frightened him.

Who would have known that one of the most hard-hearted, fearless criminals was afraid of the power that a little girl had over him? Despite his hard exterior, he had always been somewhat compassionate, and Kyoko had always known that. It had been his downfall. And, apparently…it had been hers, too.

He felt guilty. Deeply guilty. He knew that, if he told her the truth, she would be even more horrified. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't ignore that fact that she had felt something for him, too. It was in her eyes—she couldn't hide it. She would hate him even more if she knew that he had left her because he had been afraid for himself. She already felt betrayed. Why push it any further?

On the other hand, she deserved to know the truth—every last bit of it. But, would she tolerate his presence long enough for him to tell her everything? Would he even have the nerve to look into the eyes of the girl that he loved so dearly and pour out his heart while confronted with the hatred that flowed from hers? Apparently, all that she wanted was for him to disappear forever and leave her to her dysfunctional life. He owed her anything and everything for what he had done.

Would he be able to abandon her a second time?

He knew that he couldn't. It was impossible for him. His heartbeat raced and he clenched his teeth every time he so much as thought about the fact that she was out there, drinking, sleeping around, and exposing herself to so many mindless dangers, just for the sake of forgetting everything. Was it really all his fault, or was she just using him as an excuse? Was he just a memory that she blamed for everything that had happened to her?

He felt a sudden surge of anger well up inside of him. What Kyoko was doing had to stop, and he was the only one who could do anything about it. He had been wrong, but he realized it and was more than willing to admit it. Was Kyoko willing to take responsibility for what was her own fault? She had always been so strong and resilient, yet she had let her life fall to pieces. She was being childish, destroying her life over one incident…one person.

It was then that he hesitated, halting his train of thought. It was then that a sudden realization struck him. He found himself at an impasse, unable to move back or ahead without answering a question that began gnawing at the back of his mind.

Was Kyoko being juvenile, or was one person really worth destroying your life for?

He faltered, but reasoned that both questions could be answered with a "yes." Yes, Kyoko was not being a responsible adult. And, yes…one person was worth destroying his life over. He would have willingly died for Kyoko. He would have thrown everything away for her, if the cold, calculating side of him had allowed him to.

Then again, that had always been the difference between the two of them, hadn't it? She had always been willing to throw her life away for love, and he had always been willing to throw his love away for life.

More and more, he was beginning to realize that hers was the noble goal, while his was just a lie. In the end, what did maturity matter?

He had to find her. He had to make her understand that he knew everything. He knew that what he did was wrong. He knew that he loved her, and he wanted to help her. She wouldn't accept his offer to help…not at first. But it didn't change the fact that she needed him. Besides, he needed her. He had thrown away everything that they had once, and he wasn't about to do it again.

Somehow, he would find a way to save her.


	3. Chapter III: Haunted

**Author's Note**: Okay. So, now, maybe you're beginning to realize that I'm a flake who doesn't update her stories on a very regular basis. -sweatdrop- I've had this chapter finished for a long time, but kind of forgot about it. I wanted to have the fourth chapter done before I posted this one, but…I figured that I might as well just go ahead and upload this, so you guys wouldn't be kept waiting forever.

However, it will probably take me a long while to get the fourth chapter finished. We just found out that we're moving all the way across the country. We don't know how or when…we just know that we are, because my dad got transferred for his job. So, things are going to be pretty crazy around here. Plus, school starts in less than a month. Eep. I'm going to die.

Anyways…this chapter is a bit different than the others. I'm sure you'll figure that out quickly. Don't be afraid to let me know what you really think. I'm not really sure about this chapter, and never have been. So, yeah…just give it to me straight.

And, so, here 'tis! I hope that you all enjoy it.

—

**Disclaimer**: I do not own _Black Cat_. Or the sexiness that is Sheldon. Obviously. -koff- I sure wish that I did, though…

I also do not own _Taking Over Me_, _Anything for You_, or _Haunted_. They also belong to Evanescence and Wind-Up Records.

—

_You don't remember me, but I remember you  
__I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you  
__But, who can decide what they dream?  
__And dream, I do…_

—

Chapter III: Haunted

—

He was perfect.

Everything about him was perfect. Not just perfect for her, but just perfect…period. The way that his golden-blonde hair cascaded over his broad shoulders was enough to send a shiver running down her spine. His gleaming cerulean eyes seemed so deep and endless; she felt that she could lose herself in them forever. The feeling of his flesh against hers was enough to drive her mad, but she found it to be a blissful insanity.

His lips moved slowly, tenderly, against hers, and she felt a sudden welling of emotion unlike any that she had ever felt before. Flawless: that's what he was. Every touch convinced her even more of that. Every kiss made her want to beg for ten more. She hoped that the feeling would never stop—that the dance between their tongues as he explored the depths of her mouth would be an endless waltz.

With him, she felt safe. Needed. _Loved_. With him, she knew that nothing would ever go wrong. She knew that nothing would ever be able to come between them and destroy what they had so carefully built.

She knew that nothing could ever cause her to stop feeling the way that he made her feel.

That is, until she woke up.

—

Kyoko bolted upright in bed—clutching the blanket to her chest and breathing heavily. Small beads of sweat trailed down from her forehead, rolling off of her cheeks and the tip of her nose. Her whole body was bare and sticky from sweat, and she noticed that she was uncomfortably hot. Then again…what could she expect? After that dream…

It _had_ been a dream, hadn't it…?

She inhaled sharply, in a momentary state of panic, and whipped her head around to look at the person sleeping soundly beside her in the bed. Her sudden jolts hadn't been enough to wake him up, and he continued to lie there—his short brown hair ruffled and splayed against his pillow. Brown hair. Not blonde. _Not blonde_…

Realizing that, Kyoko blew out a breath in relief. The dream had seemed so _real_…it had been so unnerving. She had been expecting nightmares—she had been prepared for what she thought was the worst. She hadn't been expecting…_that_. It seemed so implausible, yet it had felt so good. It had been enough to momentarily change her attitude. Despite the physical ecstasy that she had been in earlier than night, she couldn't help but look at the man beside her in undisguised disgust—even physical disgust. He was one of the many that she ran to when she needed…_comfort_…but he wasn't…

He wasn't what? Sheldon? The "man of her dreams?" The one who had so quickly abandoned her when she had been the most vulnerable? He wasn't _Sheldon_? …and that was a _bad_ thing…?

Sighing despondently, she swung her ebony legs over the side of the bed. Goosebumps lined the skin of her arms and caused her to shudder. The room was too cold for her liking. Or, perhaps it wasn't the room. Perhaps she was cold from the inside out. It was quite possible, considering the fact that her mind felt like it was frozen. She wouldn't have been able to speak if she had wanted to. Her mind was reeling, but the rest of her was stiff and unresponsive. The rest of her was just longing for his touch…

She barely resisted the urge to smack herself in the forehead. What on _earth_ was she thinking? She hated Sheldon, and was supposed to be repulsed by the very _thought_ of him. It was true: he had the face and body of a Greek god. But since when had any of that actually mattered to her?

…since when had any of that _not_ mattered to her?

The realization was enough to make her physically ill. All she ever sought after in relationships was physical intimacy. She had taught herself to become apathetic to such things as emotional attachments—love being the most despicable attachment possible. After everything that she had been through…after everything that she had endured in order to change herself…why wasn't she able to be comfortable with a purely physical attraction to Sheldon?

It was because nothing with him had ever been purely physical. Hell, she had fallen in love with him before she had even seen his entire face. She had already been under his spell before she had been met with those captivating blue eyes…

She wanted nothing more than to bang her head against the wall and force all of the inappropriate thoughts out of her mind. But, if she had done that, she would have awoken her bedmate, and she wouldn't have been able to slip out undetected. That was certainly something that she didn't want to do. He was a heavy sleeper, but not _that_ much of a heavy sleeper.

Slipping out from underneath the blanket, Kyoko slid off of the bed—blowing out a breath as her feet met with the soft carpet that covered the floor. She swiftly gathered up her clothes, which were strewn about the floor, and padded softly down the hall towards the bathroom.

She was going to leave and find a way to remedy her situation, but, first, she needed a shower.

…a very _cold_ shower…

—

Kyoko shivered as she stepped out into the crisp, frigid night air. She hadn't bothered to dry her hair, so she had thrown it up in a sloppy bun, but strands still came loose and clung to her face and neck—only adding to the cold that was sending shivers down her spine. Her jaw clenched to keep her teeth from chattering as she wrapped her arms around her midsection in an attempt to keep all of her body warmth close. The tan, stylish trench-coat that she wore seemed to be more for appearance than functionality.

Her high-heeled, boot-clad feet shuffled along the sidewalk—the hard rubber soles grating against the rock. She didn't have the energy or the willpower to pick her feet up all of the way. It was easier to trudge along with half-hearted steps.

She needed a drink. Badly. Yet she couldn't bring herself to enter any of the bars that she came across. They were everywhere, and she had visited every single one of them before. But, every time she got to one, she just stood there and stared for a few moments before sighing at moving on. Just looking at them made her feel squeamish. She didn't want a repeat of what had happened the last time that she had visited a bar…she just couldn't take it.

It was about one o' clock in the morning, and the night life was still alive and buzzing with activity. People ran to and fro along the streets, and the clubs were practically bursting with partiers and drunkards. The town was a party town. It was what had drawn her to it in the first place. But, at that moment…it was the last thing that she wanted.

What she needed was coffee—pure, black, unadulterated espresso. She managed to stumble into the closest coffee shop without too much trouble. A few bumps and bruises from the bustling public didn't count as significant damage. Besides, once she made her way inside, the stillness was soothing. For a few moments, she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths—enjoying the near-silence that suddenly surrounded her. When the night life was abuzz, hardly anyone bothered to visit a coffee shop.

It was a small, quiet place. The lights were dimmed, and a young, rather handsomely disheveled guy played his acoustic guitar in the corner. A few college-aged people bobbed their heads along with the music while the rest carried on casual conversations. At most, there were twelve people in the entire shop. During the day, it must have been bursting at the seams; it was pretty trendy.

Plopping down, rather ungracefully, on a stool at the counter, Kyoko stared dazedly at the menu. She wasn't really looking at the menu, however; she already knew what she was going to order. "Espresso. Make it a triple."

"I didn't know that you were a coffee drinker, Kyoko." A smooth, smug female voice chirped merrily from behind the bar. Kyoko raised her head and squinted at the barista, then groaned when she realized who it was.

_Akiko_.

Akiko had always hated Kyoko, and she hadn't kept it a secret, either. They had known each other since grade school. How they magically happened to end up in the same town was a mystery. Kyoko was convinced that the blonde-haired bimbo was just out to ruin her life.

"I've always drunk coffee, Akiko. Ever since high-school." Snatching her porcelain cup away from the blonde's manicured hands, she scowled inwardly and downed the dark liquid in one gulp.

She could almost feel the smirk on Akiko's dolled-up face. "Or is it that you couldn't get a guy to buy you a drink tonight? I mean, with an outfit like that, I'd be surprised if you didn't get drinks poured _on_ you." Her high-pitched giggle was enough to make Kyoko want to puke right then and there. It was one of those "Oh God, please spare me" moments.

Kyoko opened her mouth to give the slut a piece of her mind when she was suddenly cut off by a strong, but quiet, voice that came from behind her.

"I believe that caffeine is a perfectly permissible alternative to alcohol. It's less harmful, and tastes much better, in my humble opinion."

If she hadn't turned so suddenly, Kyoko would have been able to see Akiko's jaw hanging wide open in shock at being "talked back to." Instead, all that Kyoko could see was the _one_ thing that she had been trying so hard to avoid. It was _him_. He was standing there, behind her, watching her with a perfectly collected gaze. Not only that, but he decided to mix things up by wearing faded jeans and a ribbed turtleneck sweater, his blonde hair tied back in a low ponytail. She had never seen him in anything but his black outfit…_ever_. She swallowed hard, trying to fight down the rising lump in her throat. Why did he have to look so _hot_…?

Turning back to the counter, she shrugged and tucked a few stray strands of hair behind her ear. "It isn't a substitute. I just felt like having coffee tonight. That's all."

She felt herself break out in a cold sweat as he seated himself on the stool next to hers. For a while, he just stared silently at the counter, then turned his head to look at her—his piercing blue gaze trying to meet her clouded violet gaze. But she wouldn't look at him. She _couldn't_ look at him. Just being next to him made her want to melt, but that's also what made her that much angrier. All she wanted to do was hit him. What she couldn't understand was why she wanted to kiss him at the same time.

How could she _possibly_ have been so confused? He had abandoned her, and she hated him for it. End of story.

"Kyoko…you won't even look at me." His voice was subdued—sad, even. It almost made her turn her head towards him, but she wasn't about to let herself give in. She had to remain indifferent. No, she didn't want to be indifferent; she wanted to be hostile.

Shaking her head, she chuckled dryly, in disdain. "Maybe you can finally understand how it feels."

Sheldon looked taken aback. His blue eyes were wide and blinked rapidly for a few seconds. He hadn't been expecting her to say something like that. When had he ever not paid attention to her when they had been together? "…how can you even say that…?"

She suddenly whirled to face him—her purple eyes flashing with anger and hurt. "You _never_ cared about me. I was just some inconvenience that you couldn't _wait_ to get rid of! When the opportunity presented itself, you jumped without a second thought, didn't you? _I_ was always the one that followed _you_. _I_ was always the one that cared about _you_. I was _so_ stupid to never see that our relationship was never anything more than a master and his puppy. I was never anything more than that to you. Never."

By that point, her eyes had filled up with tears, and she was nearing the breaking point. The last thing that she wanted to do was cry in front of him. She couldn't show that she was still hurting over what he had done so many years ago…but she had already done that, hadn't she? She had blown it. After years of practicing to keep her emotions hidden, she had begun to wear her heart on her sleeve.

Then again, he had never been imperceptive. He had always been able to see through any hormone-inspired crap that she had thrown at him. And, yet…he hadn't been able to see the _one_ thing that would have been able to change everything that had happened. He hadn't been able to see that she had adored him. He had been her everything, and he had left.

Before she could see the hurt in Sheldon's eyes turn into rage, Kyoko stood and dashed out of the coffee shop. That seemed to be her favorite hobby: Drink-'N-Run.

However, that time, Sheldon wasn't far behind.

Once outside, he quickly closed in on Kyoko, even though she was running pretty fast. Unfortunately for her, running in high heels isn't going to win anyone a marathon. Grabbing her arm, he spun her around. The tears that she had so faithfully held back were streaming silently down her face. She wasn't sobbing, but her face was still twisted somewhat in emotional agony. Sheldon felt his heart drop to his feet when he saw her in that condition, but his worry and anger was enough to let him recover quickly.

"What the hell was that, Kyoko? What the _hell_ was that?" His hand was still gripping her arm rather tightly, although he didn't realize it. Kyoko did, however, and wasn't too happy about it.

"Get your hand _off_ of me. I don't even want you close enough to touch me." The look on her face was one of utter disgust, but there was a small amount of fear that was hiding behind her eyes. He could see it, and it sent a pang of remorse through his heart, but he had promised to help her, and he wasn't about to give up. Besides, he needed to know what had prompted her to say what she had said in the coffee shop. He couldn't understand how she could have thought that. His grip remained firm.

"I want to know how you could even say what you said in there. What were you thinking? How could you _possibly_ think that I never cared about you?"

"You _left_ me." Her tone of voice was low and shaking with a thousand different emotions. "You left me and never looked back."

"I left to _protect_ you!"

"_Bullshit!_" Kyoko's voice rang out loudly, but was lost in the midst of the crowd of people pushing their way through the street. A few people turned to look at them, but then shrugged and carried on. It wasn't like fights were abnormalities. Still, Kyoko lowered her voice before continuing. "You left me because I was a burden. Don't think that I don't know that. You are a liar and an unfeeling jerk. I don't know why I _ever_ trusted you." With a sudden jerk, she yanked her arm out of his grasp. She didn't move, however; part of her really wanted to hear his retort.

Sheldon was forced to pause for a few moments, and then he sighed deeply—gently placing his hands on Kyoko's shoulders. She half-heartedly attempted to shrug them off, but he stubbornly kept them where he had placed them. He lowered his head to catch her gaze, and she eventually let him. Swallowing hard, he blew out a breath. "You were never a burden to me, Kyoko. Don't even _think_ like that."

"Then _why_ did you leave me…?" Her voice was nearly a strained whisper. "Don't even think about lying to me, Sheldon. _Don't_ lie to me."

His face clearly showed that he was fighting an internal battle. He didn't want to tell her that he loved her; he faced almost certain rejection. After all, he had been supremely selfish in his decision to leave her with Train. It had all been for his benefit, even though she really _hadn't_ been a burden to him. The way that he felt every time he had looked at her…every time she had smiled…he had counted it all as weakness, and weakness was one thing that he had _not_ wanted. But, with her gone, he had realized that what he had thought was weakness had actually given him strength. It had given him a reason to keep going. Without it…his battle against Chronos was nothing more than futile.

Unfortunately, his current efforts seemed pretty futile, as well. But he was determined to succeed. Which was why he could give her nothing less than the truth.

"Kyoko…I won't lie to you. I can't lie to you. But the only way for you to believe that is for you to trust me. Can you do that…?"

She averted her gaze for a few moments, then looked back at him—obviously holding back a sob. She didn't nod or shake her head. "I trusted you once, Sheldon, and look where it got me."

His grip on her shoulders tightened somewhat. "Do _not_ blame this on me. _You_ are the one that let your life fall apart, not _me_." The tone of his voice shook slightly. "What happened between us happened _years_ ago. This is _not_ how things had to turn out!"

"Yes, it is!" Kyoko's shoulders shook momentarily as her throat began to tighten, choking on her own tears. "Dammit, Sheldon, you've _never_ understood!"

"Understood _what_?"

"That I _love_ you, idiot!"

Realizing what she had just said, Kyoko smacked herself internally. That was _not_ what she had wanted to say. In fact, it wasn't even something that she had wanted to _realize_. She hadn't been able to accept it. She had kept denying it, saying that her feelings for him were long gone and were replaced by simple physical lust. But, she had been proved wrong. She had said that she loved him, and she had to accept it personally. That didn't mean, however, that _he_ had to believe it…

"I mean…_loved_. Back then. Back when you left me." Crossing her arms, she looked away from him. A few moments later, however, she felt a hand lift from his shoulder and slide under her chin—forcing her to look back up at him. Instead of more words or another weak attempt at an explanation, she was met with a simple kiss. His lips softly pressed against hers, causing her eyes to widen significantly.

Every warning bell that her conscience possessed was going off in her head. Kissing him was the _last_ thing that she should be doing. But, yet…it felt so…_right_. It was like her dream, only a million times better because it was actually _happening_. With her defenses already weakened…what was a poor, love-struck, heart-broken girl to do?

Letting her eyes flutter shut, she slowly began to return the kiss—her hands sliding up his chest to wind around his neck. Her slender fingers tangled themselves in his thick hair, sliding the hair-tie out, while their bodies pressed even closer together. His other hand had also slipped down from her shoulder and was stroking up and down her back. A small moan escaped her lips, letting his tongue wander past her lips and into her mouth. Her tongue fought back, inevitably deepening the kiss even further. Her right hand tugged at the collar of his turtleneck sweater.

Then, suddenly, she broke it off—pulling back to look up at him in disbelief. Her eyes had begun to fill up with tears again. She couldn't believe that she had just done that. Everything that had happened made her hurt even more. She knew that everything that she had ever wanted was standing in front of her, but she couldn't trust him. She couldn't trust that he would stay long enough for that to happen again. All that she could feel was the tiny pieces of her heart becoming even tinier. It was almost as if someone was taking a sledgehammer to it time and time again. When was she ever going to get a break?

Still staring at him in silence, but with tears beginning to escape from the corners of her eyes, she took a few steps back. Anyone would have been able to tell that she was getting ready to run.

"Kyoko…" All that Sheldon could do was reach forward for her, heart heavy with remorse. He should have _never_ kissed her. It had only hurt her even more; even an idiot could have seen that. He had ruined everything by moving too quickly. He had wanted it, and she had wanted it, too…but it was the last thing that she had needed.

Kyoko merely shook her head, then took off running in no particular direction. She didn't care where she wound up or who she ran into. She just had to get _away_. She had to get away from him and his touch and the way that he looked at her…it had all been so _real_. Every touch had caused her to shiver in delight, and every broken-hearted look had resurrected feelings that she had long-since thought to be dead.

She was finally beginning to understand that everything had actually happened. Everything had been real. Even the feelings that she was experiencing were real. There was no escaping that fact.

If she had been so worried about a dream, how was she going to cope with the reality?

She supposed that some hearts were simply never meant to be mended.


	4. Chapter IV: Farther Away

**Author's Note**: …wow.

Yes, that's really all that I can say. Profound, isn't it?

Well, it's obviously been quite a while since I decided to "grace" the fanfiction world with my presence (or, rather, disrupt it), but I'm back! I was getting too many reviews to just give up, and I finally realized that tonight. It's taken me hours to write up a rather lame and uninspired chapter of fanfiction-y cheesiness, but I just wanted to let you all know that I haven't abandoned you, and that I _am_ still alive…surprising as it is.

Thanks to all who reviewed! I'd write up personalized responses to your reviews, but I am simply too tired to do so. Just know that you all are my inspiration, and, without you, this story would still be collecting dust.

I hope that you enjoy this chapter, even if it is rather…boring. Give me ideas of what you'd like to see next. I can't _guarantee_ that I'm going to write it that way, but I love having outside input, and this story is really for you guys. So, give me ideas!

And enjoy!

—

**Disclaimer**: It's freakin' 1:45am. What do you expect me to do? Write up a whole legal statement about how I don't own the very thing that I'm writing about?

Pfft.

I don't own _Black Cat_, _Anything for You_ (the song), _Father Away_, or _My Immortal_. Deal with it.

—

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
__When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears  
__And I held your hand through all of these years  
__But, you still have all of me…_

—

Chapter IV: Farther Away

—

It was a cold night. Kyoko hated the cold, and she always had hated the cold. She had never really stopped to think about _why_ she had such a deep-seated vendetta against cold weather, but she supposed that it didn't really matter. All that she knew was that she hated being outside when it was cold, and, consequently, outside was the last place that she wanted to be on that night.

But she knew that she wouldn't be any warmer if she was inside. Even sitting in front of a cozy, blazing fire, she would have been just as chilled as she was outside in the freezing weather—she would have been cold from the inside out. After everything that had happened in the past few days…she wasn't able to feel warm anywhere. No feelings or warmth nor feelings of safety managed to make their way into her heart—no rational and emotionally-detached sentiments managed to permeate her steadily troubled stream of consciousness. She was shocked to find that she was more unhappy than she had ever been in her entire life, and, even though her feelings didn't make any real sense to her, she knew that it was all because of Sheldon.

He had left her so long ago. After he had run out of her life, leaving a broken and desolate wasteland in his wake, she had been alone for years and years—and she had survived, albeit barely. Everything and everyone told her that she was ruining her life…that she was needlessly wasting it and frittering it away on sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll. More accurately, she was wasting her life by focusing on the problems that she would never be able to fix, and running away from a past that she simply could not escape. People had told her to leave the past in the past, but they had never really understood. Kyoko _knew_ that there was nothing that she could do to change what had happened between her and Sheldon, and she _knew_ that the most healthy thing that she could do was to let it go and move on with her life, but…_knowing_ has never been the same thing as _believing_. You can _know_ something with all of your mind, but, unless you _believe_ it with all of your heart, your life will never change because of it. There was no one in the world who knew that better than Kyoko did, and there was no one in the world who would have been able to understand how much she loathed herself because of it.

Blowing out a breath, she watched the water molecules form into ice in the frigid night air and then fade away into nothingness. She remembered hearing someone say once that man is nothing but a vapor—a flower born to blossom and then to perish. How she wished that it was time for her to perish. Had she even been given the opportunity to blossom? Her entire life had been completely and utterly _pointless_. What had she ever done that had ever benefited anyone else? What had she ever done that had made a difference in the world…for the better? She had been a member of a dangerous terrorist organization, and she had killed countless people in the pursuit of…well, whatever it was that Creed had wanted to accomplish. She had taken away the dreams of countless people, and she may have even stolen the love of someone else's life and crushed peoples' hopes into oblivion because of her senseless murder. No, her life hadn't been pointless—it had been much worse than that. The things that she had done…they were despicable, and she knew it. If there was any way that she could go back in time in order to erase all of the terrible things that she had done, she would have taken the chance in a heartbeat. Mistakes aren't made to be fixed, however, and the past is meant to remain in the past.

But…what about the present? What about the future? Did she even _have_ a future? Suddenly finding it difficult to swallow due to the large lump that was rising in her throat, she choked back a sob and placed her small, trembling hands on the railing in front of her—staring over into the black, swirling depths of the ice-spotted water below. It would be so easy to just end it all right there. She could throw herself over the edge of the bridge and just…finish it. No one would really care that she was gone. Hell, it was probable that no one would even notice. She would have no funeral, no weeping family or tormented friends who simply wished that they could have done more to save her. No, it wouldn't be that way; no one cared that much about her. The police would find her body and would identify her, but, since no one would bother to claim her body, she would merely be sent off to some university for the "betterment of science." Maybe she could accomplish in death what she was never able to accomplish in life—perhaps she could prove that she _was_ useful in some way, shape, or form.

Wincing visibly, she mentally smacked herself for trailing off on such an utterly outrageous and unthinkable tangent. Even though she hadn't spoken to any members of it for several years, she still had a family, and she knew that they still cared about her in some way. Sure, they weren't the cheeriest and warmest family in the world, but…they were still _there_. She knew that she had a couple of friends that would undoubtedly miss her if she were to suddenly disappear. Even though the people that she spent her time with weren't the most plainly affectionate people in the world, she knew that they still cared in their own strange way. If she died…if she gave into her grief and hormonal angst and tossed herself over the edge of a bridge into a freezing river…then she would let down anyone and everyone who had ever believed in her. She would be letting down her family, her friends, and…

Her knuckles turned white as her grip on the bridge's railing tightened. No matter how hard she tried to forget, she couldn't help but remember how it felt to be near Sheldon…to press her body up against his and feel his soft, perfect lips descending upon hers. It had felt so…so warm, and so right, and so _safe_. _She_ had felt safe for the first time in years. She still loved him, and she couldn't deny it any longer. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't manage to deceive herself anymore about the issue. Everything that she felt and everything that she thought was simply undeniable—so she gave up trying to rationalize herself out of loving the man who had abandoned her so heartlessly. That didn't mean, however, that loving him felt _good_. In fact, it felt quite the opposite. Loving him was tearing her heart apart—it was ripping every shred of sanity that she had left into tiny little pieces. She had thought that the shattered pieces of her heart and her consciousness couldn't be broken any further, but she had been proven wrong. When he had reappeared in her life after so many years, after so many years of broken hearts…everything fell apart all over again.

Deep down, she knew that she would never love anyone in the same way that she loved Sheldon. Deep down…her heart told her that Sheldon was the proverbial "love of her life" and that she would never be able to get over him or forget him. He was in her heart and in her mind to stay, and there was nothing that she would ever be able to do about that fact. Almost every single ounce of her being wanted to go back to him…to feel the love and the security that he made her feel. Unfortunately, she couldn't just forget everything that his absence had put her through, and she couldn't just forget everything that he had done to her. She couldn't forget being abandoned, and she didn't want to go through it again.

He had kissed her, but what did that really _mean_? He was a _male_. She had found that kissing didn't mean much to them. But, then again…it hadn't meant much to her, had it? The only time that physical intimacy ever had any meaning for her was when she was with Sheldon, and that…well, it was perfect in so many ways, but she knew that she couldn't let it continue. That's why she ran away from him after their "encounter." That's why…that's why she felt that she needed distance. She needed to get as far away from him as possible, because she knew that, if she was _close_ to him, then she would probably ignore her restraints and lose control.

That was something that she couldn't let happen. No matter what, she _had_ to remain in control.

No matter what, she had to get even farther away from Sheldon.

—

Cerulean eyes had never looked quite as troubled as Sheldon's. It was a cold night, and he couldn't help but wonder where Kyoko was and what she was doing. She had never liked the cold, so he doubted that she was outside on such a miserable evening. Apparently, most other people in the town shared her sentiments, for the streets were very nearly deserted, and the night life had died down significantly. Most people were, quite probably, at home, snuggled under some warm blankets next to a blazing fire with a steaming cup of tea in their hands. Perhaps they were even with the people that they loved, if love was even a thing that managed to survive in such a racy town. Sheldon didn't bother trying to get warm, because he knew that, regardless of what he did, he would never be comfortable.

The truth was that he hated himself more than he could ever hope to express in words. He hated himself for everything that he had ever done to Kyoko: all of the cold looks that he had given her, all of the impatient words that he had said to her...everything. But, even though he hated himself enough for those things, he hated himself even more for the things that he had _not_ done to—or, rather, _for_—Kyoko. He had never told her that he loved her. He hadn't even had the decency to explain why he was leaving her and to give her a chance to say goodbye and to let go of him for good. He had just…left. In her darkest hour, he had abandoned her without so much as a word. How would she ever be able to forgive him for that? He was beginning to believe that she would never be able to forgive him for all of the terrible things that he had done, even if he managed to win back a piece of the trust that he had so mercilessly broken. He knew that he didn't _deserve_ to be forgiven of his sins—they were much too deep and much too harmful. After everything that he had done…how could he expect her to let him back into her life?

The one thing that he could never blame himself for, however, was her descent into hopelessness and uselessness. Even though the things that he had done to her had been terrible and crippling, the only person that she had to blame for her current situation was herself. _She_ was the one who had let her life get so out-of-control, not him. He may have been the match that served to light the fire inside of her (quite an appropriate metaphor, really), but he was not the one that fanned the blaze and caused it to spread like poison in her veins. She was going to kill herself eventually, and he knew it. Even if she didn't _mean_ to kill herself…it was going to happen. The crowd that she spent her time around was much too dangerous, she drank far too much alcohol, and it was quite likely that her promiscuity would eventually serve to afflict her with a rather debilitating disease. Could she not _see_ how everything that she was doing was only serving to kill her even further? Could she not see that? Or…did she simply not care?

Gritting his teeth, he slammed his hand against the hollow metal of a lamppost on the street—causing a low ring to sound out across his desolate path. Even if he wasn't fully to blame for everything that had happened to Kyoko, he couldn't help but feel that much of it was his fault. He hadn't been there to save her…he was never there for her when she needed him the most. And, when they came to a rather critical moment in their confrontation, he decided to act like the damned fool that he was and _kissed_ her. He kissed her! Instead of explaining his actions to her, instead of denouncing his fears and telling her that he loved her and had loved her for years, he _kissed_ her. Obviously, the thoughtless act had sent her running off, and he really couldn't blame her for that at all. It was the most unthinkable and inappropriate thing to do, and he had done it. He was a damned, blasted fool, but he knew that he couldn't help it. He loved the girl with all of his heart and all of his soul, and he just wanted to save her, no matter what it took.

A slight sigh tore itself from his lips as he shoved his cold, red hands deep into the pockets of his khaki trenchcoat. His head was completely uncovered, his golden-blonde hair still in a low ponytail at the back of his neck, but he didn't seem to mind. There wasn't much wind blowing, so there was no extra wind-chill to worry about. He could stand the cold—hell, he could stand most anything. He had been trained to withstand torture and serious injuries, but the one thing that he had never been trained to withstand was the pain of a broken heart, however cliché that might sound. He wanted to do everything that was within his power to help Kyoko…to save her…but how could he help her when he couldn't even manage to help himself? All of the rationalization in the world seemed to fly out of the window when it came to Kyoko, and he didn't know how to change that. He didn't like feeling that he wasn't in control of a situation, but, sometimes…you simply cannot take everything into your own hands. Sometimes, there are forces at work that people cannot even begin to understand. Sheldon was beginning to see that, while he felt that he was his responsibility to take care of Kyoko, he couldn't save her unless she wanted to be saved—and that was something that she didn't seem to want very much.

The only thing that he could tell that she wanted was to get as far away from him as humanly possible. Even then, being that far away would probably not be enough distance for her. He knew that, no matter how far away she went, he would always be with her—even if he wasn't _physically_ with her, he would still be present in her heart and in her mind. He knew Kyoko better than anyone else, and he knew that she was constantly tormented by painful memories. If something hurt her, then she was never able to forget it, no matter how hard she tried nor how valiantly she fought. She had just been so much more cheery in the past…so much more innocent. It broke his heart to realize that she had lost all of that. All of her childishness had been stolen from her…stolen by the world that she had chosen to submerse herself in. Everything that had happened to her was ultimately her fault, but he found that he just couldn't blame her for it. The only person that he could blame was himself.

With every passing moment, he felt even more terrible about what he had done to her. He knew that she didn't want to be anywhere near him, but he _had_ to see her. If nothing else, he needed some closure. He needed to tell her everything that he had failed to tell her in the past, and he needed to make sure that she understood his intentions and his reasoning when it came to absolutely _everything_. If he didn't bare his heart and his soul to her, then, well…it would kill him from the inside. Even if she somehow found it in her heart to forgive him, he would never be able to forgive himself, and he knew it.

No matter how far away Kyoko tried to run, he would find her, and he would apologize for making her life a living Hell. Even if it killed him, he would find some way to tell her that he loved her.

—

Kyoko hated bus-stations almost as much as she hated the cold. They were always so dirty and full of people pushing and shoving their way to the front of the disorganized lines. Buses came in screeching and left with a jolt, making the bus-stations much noisier than they should have been. She _especially_ hated it when she was pulling a lot of luggage through the crowds of inconsiderate people. It was far too easy to trip, and she definitely had a tendency to make a fool out of herself in front of large crowds of people. It was one of her hidden talents, of a sort. It was one of the hidden talents that she would have been happy to do without…but she had to take what she could get, right?

It had been several days since she had seen Sheldon, but the anxiety and the pain weren't wearing off at all. In fact, it only seemed to get stronger as the days went by. She was convinced that, if she got out of town and traveled far, _far_ away from Sheldon and all of the memories that came with him, she would be fine and would manage to recover from whatever mental and emotional illness he had inflicted upon her. That was why she was at the bus station: she was running away.

Sighing lightly, she leaned the right side of her body against the wall of the bus-station's office. She had just gotten her ticket, but hardly remembered where it was that she was traveling to. In the end, she didn't really care much about _where_ she was going; the important thing was that she was leaving Sheldon behind, for a change. She wasn't willing to let herself fall for him all over again, only to get left behind for a second time. She knew that she wouldn't be able to take it a second time, and she really _would_ kill herself. The thought of losing control in that way made her shiver visibly, but no one really cared to notice. Everyone was mulling around, trying to get their tickets or trying to get on the buses. In a crowd of that size, she was invisible, and that was exactly what she wanted. She wanted to be invisible…to blend in with everything and everyone around her so that she wouldn't have to stand out. If she stood out, and if people began to notice her, then she would only be attracting attention once again, and that was the absolute last thing that she wanted to do. If no one bothered to notice her, then she didn't need to bother to notice herself.

The minutes dragged by more slowly than she ever thought that they could. Two minutes seemed like two hours, and she was getting incredibly antsy. She kept telling herself that she would be fine once she got on the bus and began driving away from all of the terrible things that had come to be associated with the town that she had once been so fond of, and she couldn't wait for her bus to come. It was taking far too long, and she was beginning to become a bit irate because of it. She knew that she was being completely and utterly irrational and childish, but she couldn't help it. She needed to _get away_; she needed distance as soon as possible.

When her bus finally pulled into its designated stop, she let out a rather loud sigh of relief. She lifted her hand to grab ahold of her suitcase…only to find another hand on top of hers. A bit taken aback, she blinked and looked up—her large violet eyes widening significantly when she saw who was standing next to her suitcase, directly in front of her now-trembling body.

Sheldon. The last person the world that she wanted to see. The person that she was doing everything in her power to get away from. Sheldon. He was _there_.

She was too tired and too upset to be angry with him and act stone-cold towards him, so she merely backed up a few steps and shook her head in slight disbelief—causing her loose, messy black hair to fall over her shoulders in a disordered manner. "No…please…" Her voice came out as no more than a strangled whisper, which was exactly the opposite of the quality that she wanted her voice to have. She cursed herself for being so weak, but…with him right there in front of her…how was she going to be strong?

"Kyoko, please…_please_ listen to me." Sheldon took a step forward, watching her pleadingly. He looked just as disheveled as she was, and she could tell that he was in a lot of inner turmoil, as well. Shockingly, she found that recognizing that fact didn't make her angry. She was too weary to be angry with him. He had managed to catch her at a time when her guards were down, and he could tell from the frightened look in her eyes that she wasn't able to put up much of a fight. That meant that he could finally say what he had been waiting to say for so long, and then the choice of staying or leaving would be hers. He would leave absolutely everything up to her, but…he had to say his piece first, or he would never be at peace with himself. "Please…I only want to talk to you." His voice was soft and reassuring; he didn't want to scare her away again.

Kyoko attempted to swallow the large lump in her throat, but found that her throat was simply too dry for her to say anything. All that she could do was stand there and nod while staring at him dumbly. She would listen to what he had to say, but nothing could change the fact that she was getting on the bus and driving away…far, _far_ away.

Blowing out a breath, Sheldon raked his fingers through his loose blonde hair and switched his uneasy gaze from Kyoko to the ground, then back to Kyoko again as he set his jaw firmly with resolve. It was time for him to tell her the truth. "Kyoko, I…I told you that I didn't leave you because you were a burden to me, and I was telling the truth. However…when I said that you have to trust me on this and not shut me out completely before you take the time to consider what I say, I was telling the truth, too. I can't make you believe me, but I can hope that you will." He paused, swallowing heavily, before continuing—his voice a bit more strained than before. "I don't deserve your attention, Kyoko. I don't deserve any of it. You _should_ be angry with me. What I did…it wasn't right. I thought that I was doing what was best for you, but…I was also looking out for me, and that was something that I foolishly denied."

As a bit of fire returning to her previously dead eyes, Kyoko opened her mouth to comment on his selfishness, but he quickly cut her off—putting a forefinger to her lips and using his other hand to grip her strongly, yet gently, by the shoulder. "Don't say anything yet. It's time for you to listen."

Kyoko didn't seem happy with that, but she folded her arms in front of her chest and remained silent…for the time being. Without loosening his hold on her, Sheldon continued.

"Since you seem so impatient to retort, I'm going to get to the point. Kyoko, I didn't leave you because you were a burden. I left you because my pride got in the way of what was right. I had a mission that I needed to accomplish for myself, and I didn't want you to get hurt because of my selfishness. You did get hurt, and you will _never_ be able to understand how much I hate myself for letting all of this happen to you, but it was never my intention. I _was_ trying to protect you…but I was also trying to protect myself."

By that point, his voice was beginning to crack a bit, and Kyoko's eyes softened slightly. She could feel the pain and the self-loathing radiating from his being, and it was resonating with the pain and self-loathing that she felt herself. In that moment, she felt as if two hearts were breaking inside of her instead of just one, and she felt much more empathetic towards him than she had ever felt in her entire life. For a brief moment, she stopped hating him. For a short period of time, she felt whole inside again.

"I had to protect myself…from the feelings inside of me. You made me feel things that I didn't even know existed, and that scared me more than I can ever say. I thought that leaving you with the Black Cat was the best thing for _both_ of us. I thought that you would have a better life, and I…I would fight alone, as I had for so long."

"I didn't _want_ you to be alone!" Kyoko managed to choke out before being silenced by Sheldon again. Her breathing was beginning to quicken some, and tears sprang to her eyes. All that she had wanted was to be by his side…forever. Why had he not been able to see that?

"I _know_, Kyoko. I _know_." Sheldon gritted his teeth slightly, feeling a surge of anger rise up inside of him. He wasn't angry with her, he was angry with himself, as he had been for quite a long while. How could he have been so blind? Was he _really_ that stupid? Obviously, he was. "You were so sweet and so…innocent. You loved me, but I was too blind to realize it. If I had realized it, then…" He trailed off, because the end to that sentence was far too obvious. _Then none of this would have ever happened_. It took him a few moments, but he finally regained his composure and was able to admit what he had been attempting to admit all along. "Kyoko, I loved you, also. I _still_ love you. I…I want to help you, but I can only do that if you let me…if you _trust_ me. I don't deserve it, Kyoko, and I know that…but…_please_…let me help you."

For what seemed like an eternity to both parties, Kyoko stared vacantly up at Sheldon. A million thoughts and a million emotions were tearing through her consciousness, and she couldn't make any sense of any of them. As the moments passed, her appearance became more and more frightened; she appeared as a deer stuck in the headlights of a semi-truck. She knew that her demise was right there, standing in front of her, but she was too afraid to move. As the color drained from her face, the hope drained from Sheldon's heart. It wasn't the reaction that he had been hoping for—in fact, it was the reaction that he had been fearing.

The only thing that managed to snap them both out of their miserable little reveries was the last boarding call for the bus. Kyoko's head snapped to the side, and her breathing quickened once more—but, this time, it was out of renewed anxiety. "I…I have to go." Before Sheldon could react, she grabbed her suitcase, but then hesitated for a few moments. Her expression was tormented as she stood there, watching Sheldon, and a few tears managed to escape from the corners of her eyes and trail down her cheeks. "I-I…I'm so…_so_ sorry…"

With that, she quickly made her way to the bus, leaving a shocked and grief-stricken Sheldon in her wake.


End file.
