Orange Is the New Black 1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, so this is my first fanfiction and I just wanted to give it a try. So please be nice ;) I also apologize for any istakes in language and grammatics because I'm only capable of my old school english ;)**

She rolled across the yard watching the trees turn red. Summer was coming to its end and the holidays were over. Piper came back to boarding school just two hours ago and she was overly happy about it. She loved her home here, she loved the yard, the trees, the castle with the boarding home and she loved sharing her room with her best friend in the world.

Suddenly somebody called her Name. 'Piper, wait' Piper turned around in her wheelchair and her face lit up when she saw the lion haired girl running over to her. 'Hey nick, you just arrived?' 'Nah. Been here since friday. My parents couldn't wait to get rid of me so yeah. Where's your stupid boyfriend?' 'I don't know' Nicky pushed piper's wheelchair to the big love-tree in the middle of the yard'I haven't heard from him for days' Nicky sat down on the bench around the tree. Touching the L+P that Larry cut in the bark last summer she smirked 'trouble in paradise?' 'Oh shut it Nick' The two roommates stared in the blue sky sharing a moment of silence. Piper closed her eyes feeling the late September sun warming her face.

'Gosh i'm so fucking happy to be back. Summer was awful i feel like Harry Potter.' Nicky groaned. Piper laughed 'so in your methaphor litchfield is Hogwarts?' then she turned serious again 'you know you can stay at mine over summer. I told you like a million times.' 'And listening to you having phone sex with Jude boy every evening. Ew.' 16 year old Piper blushed she knew that Nicky knew she and Larry hadn't had sex yet. even if she doesn't talk about these things Nicky just knew her and piper just knew that she knew. They turned silent again.

'Hey gorgeous' Piper was ripped out of her thoughts. 'You know where i can find Diane vause?' a tall, black haired girl came over the yard towards the two friends. She stopped right in Front of Piper openly checking her out. The girl had black rimmed glasses und amazing green eyes. Piper couldn't help staring. 'So beautiful will i get my answer?' Piper blushed again and looked at Nicky searching for help. Nicky stood up and stepped behind Piper 'and you are?' she asked sharply. 'Well i'm alex. Alex vause.' An 'Oh' escaped pipers mouth 'so you are dianes sister' Diane, their responsible adult person in the boarding home had told Them about her little sister before leaving for summer 'you will be our new roommate after mercy left'

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><p>Piper sat on her bed when the door popped open. Trisha came in followed by poussey they were chatting and laughing.'Hey P where's nichols?' 'Hey Trish sorry i have no idea. Haven't Seen her since dinner.' Trisha and poussey were hyper and jittery. Stepps were heard over their high pitched voices. Poussey jumped to the door 'shhh vause is out there' 'Ok you're coming, P? We're having a welcome back Party in our room' trisha wisphered 'Guys let's go the others are waiting and vause doesn't need to know about the Party' poussey urged for them to hurry 'Piper?' 'Nah sorry guys i'm not into partying right now. I'm just very very tired.' 'Now come on trish lets go man.' The two girls rushed out and Piper kept staring out of the Window. She wondered why Larry weren't answering his phone. She was worried and becoming More and more angry. They were a couple for more than a year now and he always called her in the evening wishing her good night. A thing he hadn't done in three days.<p>

Her thoughts were interrupted by a raven haired girl for the second time that day. 'Wow this castle is a fucking maze !' Alex threw her back on mercy's old bed and let herself fall on the matress 'found your sister ?' Piper asked. Alex sighed and ignored the question. There was a Moment of silence before alex asked 'why aren't you on that Party?' 'You know about the Party ?' Alex laughed 'please. i'm Alex vause. I know everything.' There was that smirke again that made piper so nervous. 'So you never answer any questions, kid?' 'Kid?' 'Yeah. So?' 'Well only if they are good questions' there was a short Pause...

Then 'Why are you in a wheelchair?' 'What ?' Alex looked her right in the eye 'You wanted a good question. This is a good question.' Many people asked Piper about her wheelchair so she should be used to it but the way Alex asked was more than a nosy question. Piper couldn't lay her Finger on it but something in Alex voice sounded like she really cared. 'Why would you think i would tell you i barely know you?' 'Because you like me.' Alex said it without a smirk without a sign of it being a joke. Piper stopped thinking in that moment 'Cerebral tumor. Was diagnosed when i was six.' normally she would stopp the story at this stage but the way Alex looked at her kept her talking 'i fell from my bike and broke my nose on my way home from school. They brought me to the hospital and x-rayed and coincidentally found the tumor. My mom didn't stopp crying for a whole week. She sat by my bed and cried her eyes out. I couldn't sleep all night because i heard her sobbing. I was so sure i was going to die.' Piper paused. 'But you didn't' 'I didn't. But the brain surgery damaged my motorcortex so my legs ain't working no more.' 'That sucks' Alex stated and she really meant it.

The two just stared at each other in silence. Rain Had started dropping against the Window and they listened to the music of the falling waterdrops. Nothing else was to be heard than the rain and their breaths. Piper felt the need to say something.

'Now i'm the one questioning' Alex rose her eyebrows 'Why are you coming to boarding School?' Alex smiled 'why would you think i would tell you i barely know you?' Piper took all her bravery and smiled at Alex 'well because you like me' 'Touché'


	2. Chapter 2

**So I decided on publishing the second chapter right away to show a bit more of my story.**

**I hope you'll just give it a try**

Few months before

Alex was wandering through the streets it was late at night and fucking cold. March was barely over and spring wasn't willing to come. She took a sip from her vodka bottle to warm her up only to realize the bottle was already empty. Angrily she threw it against the next housewall. 'Fuck it' she screamed. She felt the alcohol rush through her veins and it only made her more aggressive.

She's been like this for weeks now ever since this damn stupid decision. For the seventh time in two hours she asked herself who on earth would miss her if she just jumped off a bridge. Her mother were never at home always working.

Alice Vause lost the connection to her younger daughter years ago. Alex laughed joyless into the dark thinking about how little her mother knew about her. Alex hasn't been at school in four weeks deleting all the messages her headteacher left from the answering machine. Most of the time she spent her time partying, drinking and fooling around with meaningless girls.

She laughed again when she remembered the day at her father's concert maybe she was just like him. A drunk, underachieving idiot. She screamed at the top of her lungs feeling like she's not able to breathe. Never had she felt so weak.

She always hoped to be a little bit like her father since she Had absolutely nothing from her mom. She always felt like the alien of the family. her half-sister even looked like their mother whilst she Had nothing in common with alice. Now that she found out she was exactly like her father she hated herself even more.

Diane was the only Person in the world Alex trusted enough to tell her about the meeting with her dad about her dissapointment and about feeling like loosing the dad she never had to an old idiotic drug addict and her sister told her she was nothing like him but they both knew it was a lie.

Alex loved her sister so much, maybe she was the only person in the world who cared about her. Since diane's fahter died and alex's just ran off Diane was alex's Guardian. she took care of her when their mom was at work. She beat up the boys that called her names in middle school she was the one who told her she was perfect the way she was when Alex came out to her.

Alex walked home craving for more alcohol even if everything was already blurry around her. She stepped into the kitchen grabbing a bottle of whine out of the fridge. She opened it and felt like breathing again but she knew there was something that would help even more. Something that would bring her back To life

Walking to the bathroom she sat on the cold floor reaching under the sink where she hid her razorblade. She watched it sparkle in the moonlight und smiled, feeling warm for the first time this night. She put down her pants watching the razorblade sparkle a last time before she draw a long cut over her leg. The Moment her skin was opened she felt the air filling her lungs and she felt like flying away like a balloon light and free. The blood streaming out of her cut was warm and even better than the whine. Sweet release.

Suddenly the world around her began spinning. The bottle fell out of her Hand the red whine mingleing with her blood on the floor and everything turned black.

When Alex woke up there were tears on her cheeks even if she weren't crying. She opened her eyes and saw her sister bending over her tears falling down on her. 'Oh Alex. What have you done. Babygirl' Alex closed her eyes feeling ashamed. Diane must've seen not only the cut but all the old scars of the last weeks. All those signs of her weakness.


	3. Chapter 3

'So where's my answer now' This time it was Piper who ripped Alex out of her thoughts. 'Well actually i'm not really the kind of daughter parents wish for.' Alex's voice was still lost in thought. 'And what is that supposed to mean?'

Alex stood up and walked to the window watching the rain fall it's long way down to the ground. 'I did a few stupid things' she said so silently Piper had to try hard to hear her. 'I skipped school a few times and I drank a bit.' she paused 'actually I drank a lot' Alex turned around looking Piper in the eye waiting for the disgust to settle in. But Piper' eyes just looked at her softly causing Alex's stomach to twitch weirdly.

'Fuck! these welcoming parties are so boring every fucking year the fucking same' Nicky rushed in kicking her shoes off her feet throwing them under the bed. Piper jerked and turned her head in shock totally caught off guard while Nicky threw herself on her bed.

Piper collected herself before teasing her besteht friend 'Let me guess. Lorna wasn't there? Oh no wait. She was with Christopher?' Piper laughed 'Shut up Chapman' A pillow was thrown at Piper to shut her up. 'Anyway Vause. Tell me. You like pussy or you go for dick like little Pipe-r here?' 'Nick!' Piper yelled in a wave of anger while blushing. Alex laughed her deep voiced laugh that made Piper get goosebumps. 'You'll find out Nichols' she winked. 'Wow you're a bitch. I like that in a woman.' Nicky winked back while getting up to take back her pillow she threw at Piper.

'Hey, You ready for bed girls. Curfew.' Diane Vause made her evening checking on the girls. it was her job to check if everybody was at home and in their own room and she could become tremendously uncomfortable if they weren't. But she didn't really care if they really slept as long as they were where they belonged.

'You looking forward to school tomorrow?' Nicky groaned and pulled the pillow she just picked up over her head. Diane and Piper grinned at each other. As much as Nicky loved being away from her parents as much she hated school and not being able to just skip it like she used to when she was still at her always working parents' empty house. Diane walked over to her little sister's bed sitting down next to her. 'You all right Lex?' she tucked a strand of hair behind Alex ear. Alex just looked at her nodding her head subtly. They looked each other in the eye having a whole conversation without speaking. 'I'm worried' Dianes eyes told. 'I'm sorry' Alex thought. Diane pecked a kiss on alex forehead and rose herself from her sitting position approaching the door she threw a last glance at Alex before wishing them good night.

Nicky was already snoring under her pillow. 'Wow you're really close, aren't you?' Piper asked knowing nothing would wake Nicky Nichols once she's asleep. Alex just shrugged her shoulders lying down on her pillow. Conversation over for today. Piper took her phone from the nightstand but there still was no message from Larry. Her mind was spinning but her thoughts were more on the new girl in her room than on her lost boyfriend. The beautiful new girl in her room. Piper looked over to the raven haired girl's bed. It was always kind of exciting to have a new roommate but this time it was a new dimension of excitement. Something about this Alex girl made her nervous and calm at the same time. And the way she said 'You'll find out' when Nicky asked her about her sexuality made her stomach twitch. Was it always her fate to be in the lesbian filled bedroom while she still had no idea for which team she batted ? Piper shut off her light but it was already late when she found her sleep.

Next morning came early. The sun was scratching on the clouds only a few sunbeams reaching through them brightening the grey sky. Pipers neck hurt from the uncomfortable position she fell asleep in.

She pulled herself in a sitting position and reached for her wheelchair. Many people asked her how she came out of bed in the morning how she's able to use a toilet and stuff. Piper hated those questions hated being treated as the disabled. She grabbed the armrests of her wheelchair putting all her weight on her strong arms and lifted herself over from her bed in the chair. Positioning her legs she noticed Alex watching her from her bed. Nicky was still asleep like always at this time of day.

'Good morning roller girl' Alex voice was even deeper in the early morning. Piper just smiled and left the room for the bathroom. Nicky groaned when the door shut. 'Good morning sunshine' Alex laughed and fell back on her pillow while Nicky showed her the finger from under her blanked.

**This is another rather short chapter. I know long chapters are cooler most of the time but if I keep them short I might be able to publish them every or every second day. Well, if you wish ;)  
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	4. Chapter 4

Piper rolled down the floors of the school greeting people right and left. Since she was head girl and a member of the editorial team of the students newspaper and last but not least since she was the one in the wheelchair everybody knew her and nearly everybody liked her. She liked most of them too, even if Nicky was the only one who really knew who she was. There were things even Larry didn't know.

Piper approached the editorial office to check the layout for the next edition of the newspaper, the sun finally broke through the grey cloudy carpet and warmed her body through the glass of the big windows.

Her mind was spinning, she still hadn't seen or heard anything from Larry and lessons would start in half an hour. It made her feel empty and lonely. Did something happen to him? Did he leave her? Had she done anything wrong? Would she hit him in the balls if she sees him again?

She closed the door behind her staring at the outlay that were spread on the desks. She really had to tell the team to tidy this mess that noone took care of all summer. Sorting through the first stack she tried to distract herself from all Larry-thoughts. There was a knock on the door and when Piper looked up and saw the headteacher standing in the doorway. 'I hoped to find you in here Chapman!" Caputo said 'We have to talk about the charity event you planed starting end of next week. There are still a bunch of things to go through.' Piper nodded absently.

As head girl Piper had the job to help planing school events like charity and festivals and prevention classes for drugs, eating disorders or pregnancy. So she set up a reading project for children with cancer starting next week and lasting the whole schoolyear.

'You come by my office after lessons. Oh and I'm sorry about your boyfriend must be hard for you.' Caputo turned to go. 'Wait.' Piper snapped in shock 'What's with Larry?' she started panicking. Caputo looked confused and uncomfortabel while telling her 'Well, he won't come back. He'll stay at home helping bis father with the business. His father signed him off last friday. Didn't he tell you?' Piper was nearly crying now 'No he didn't' she whispered. Caputo shrugged his shoulders unable to cope with a crying student. He mumbled something like 'Sorry' and left the room closing the door behind him. She couldn't believe this. 'This can't be true' she shook her head again and again.

Just then her phone rang. She fumbled it out of her pocket reading the name on the display she pushed the green button. 'Tell me this isn't true!' she cried in the phone. Larry was crying too at the other end of the line. 'I'm so sorry baby. I can't believe my parents do this to us' his voice was unnaturally high. 'Why?' was all Piper was able to manage. She was freezing even if the sun was shining now with all it's september available strength. 'My dad wants me to absorb the business you know that, don't you? Well, plan has been to do this after my graduation but he thinks now is the time to teach me how since his business partner died and he doesn't want to teach someone new when he has his son available. He wants me to be his junior partner so that I can absorb the business when it's time. He took my phone because I accussed him of destroying my life and telling him I'd move out.' 'But what about graduation?' Piper could barely breathe. 'My dad says I don't need to graduate when I can absorb his business instead.' there was nothing but painful silence 'Piper? You're still there?' 'Yes. Sorry i gotta go. I love you' she knew she couldn't take it any second longer so she hang up and cried even harder. There was chattering outside. The sun was shining on the colorful trees showing all the colors of autumn but inside Piper it was winter already.

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><p>Alex didn't want to wake up. Sky was grey and the day was going to be fucking long. She hated to be the newbie, the attraction, the new sensational object of excitement like the freaking circuit clown. She hated being talked about by people who didn't know shit about her. But she knew being late on her first day wouldn't do any good. 'Fuck I hate mondays.' Nicky groaned from under her pillow causing Alex to chuckle. Still lau ging she rose from her semilaying position grabbing her glasses from the night stand. 'How blind are you without those?' Nicky grunted with her own eyes barely open 'Blindish' Alex grinned 'but I can see you looking not half as hot as yesterday. Actually you look like shit today' Suddenly Nicky was all awake sitting up in her bed smirking 'Oh so you think I'm hot. I knew it ... lesbo !' Alex just grinned from ear to ear.<p>

The hot water of the shower running down her body left a little pain behind on her skin and cloaked her in deep fog. The burning sensation of pain cleared her mind like nothing else could making her breathe. Alex looked down on the scars that formed a pattern on her pale skin. It was close to art beautiful and scary at the same time. Every thin line harbored memories of despair and release forming a map of her soul. Skimming over the scars she craved for her razorblade, craved for the warming blood of her body but she knew she had to resist that urge. Diane was checking on her skin nearly everyday since she found her on the bathroom floor so Alex tried to keep it down. She didn't want her sister to worry more than she already did. But it left her only with the small releases of burning hot water and fingernails in her palms.

Alex put on her tight black jeans that showed off her beautiful long legs and a simple white shirt. She wanted to look good. Her mind went off to the previous evening to her talk with this amazingly beautiful girl to those blue eyes in which she surely would drown someday. She still wasn't aware of the fact that she'll see those eyes everyday from now on but she knew she could look at them forever.

The sun was fighting the clouds when Alex got back to her new room. She breathed in the scent of her now to be home. It smelled slightly like smoke and cinnamon and vanilla and lemon. It smelled like winter and autumn and like the first sunbeams in spring. Nicky was leaning at of the open window smoking a cigarette. 'Vause you're not the snitching type, right?' Nicky beamed over to Alex. 'Oh come on. Do I look like one? Just give me a drag.' Nicky reached her cigarette over to Alex and they stared out in the world in silence.

'So you nervous about first day?' Alex didn't look at Nicky and kept staring out of the window a smile playing around her lips 'Nah. I already found what I looked for so what else should make me nervous, hottie.' 'Who thought you could be so cheesy Alex Vause' Nicky smirked teasingly. 'Well, you can't be just badass. Would be too boring Nichols. I'm always good a surprise' Alex turned around looking Nicky right in the eye with a challenging smile. 'So you're always the flirty one ?' Nicky made a step towards Alex 'Oh come on. You already in love with me' Alex teased 'You wish bitch. This body' she gestured 'never be yours' flipping the cigarette out of the window she started laughing. Alex shoved her against the shoulder 'You know what. I guess I already like you' she grinned. 'Oh come on baby no cuddling right now.' Alex just shook her head laughing. 'Come one' She said grabbing her backpack 'Let's get this fucking monday started'


	5. Chapter 5

Piper wasn't crying anymore. She sat speechless and unable to move staring out the window seeing nothing. She felt like she wasn't a part of this world anymore she was just a spectator to a bad movie an so it was like a predictable plottwist when the door opened.

'You all right, kid?' Piper nearly laughed. Of all the people in the world it must have been Alex Vause who found her in her shattered state. The pretty girl approached her kneeling down beside her wheel chair. 'Piper?' Piper didn't even look at her and Alex began to worry

Piper's eyes were empty and cold. 'Hey, Pipes. What's wrong. Talk to me' she took one of Piper's ice cold hands beneath her's, the nickname just slipped out of her mouth by accident but she didn't care right now 'Please' Alex' warm hands seemed like melting her frozen stage, her touch made her look at those beautiful emerald eyes and tears were dwelling in her own again.

'Larry's gone.' she whispered. Alex tucked a wet strand of Piper's hair that got stuck on her teary cheeks behind her ear. It felt so natural and familiar like she'd done this a million times.

'Who's Larry ? What happened to him?' Alex asked in her deep soft voice. 'He's' Piper rubbed her eyes 'He's my boyfriend' she cried silently. Alex eyes widened and when Piper saw the shock in them she realized what she just had said. She hurried to rectify 'Well he's not gone gone. But he's not coming back. His parents won't let him' Piper started crying hardly again letting herself fold in front of this girl she barely knew but really trusted.

Alex stroke piper's hair knowing there was nothing she could say to make things better. She was just there and Piper seemed to calm down just a little bit. They looked each other right in the eye forest meeting ocean. And suddenly Alex felt the urge to kiss this beautiful blonde girl in front of her. This feeling took her by surprise and she stood up faster than necessary to stopp herself from doing something tremendously stupid. Piper fell back to being cold suddenly missing Alex's warmth. 'Maybe we should go. Lesson's starting' Piper nodded

'If you want' Alex coughed interrupting herself 'well we could talk about it later. Just if you want.' she stared at the floor. Stupid stupid stupid Piper surely had a million friends in here why would she talk to her out of all the people. She felt Piper's hand grabbing for her's squeezing it a little bit and she felt her stare waiting for her to look back. Finally Alex found the courage to look Piper in the eye there was nothing but warmth 'Thanks, Al'

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><p>It was late november and it already smelled like winter. The heaters in the classroom were buzzing and the windows were fogged showing a large penis that nicky drew on it few days ago just to emphasize how gross Christopher's love confession had been. She had stood right behind his back drawing a dick while he had told Lorna that he had fallen for her in front of the whole class. Lorna had felt so embarrassed but nobody knew which dick caused her blushing. She never had been this grateful to see a teacher, interrupting this cheesy interlude. Three days later Christopher and Lorna still weren't seen together and Nicky was becoming more and more happy everyday.<p>

Now Nicky was asleep on the table not giving a fuck about where she was. Piper, sitting one row behind her next to Alex, was trying to follow the lesson but was constantly distracted. She glared at Alex who was throwing bits of paper on Nicky making a point for every bit that got caught in her hair. It had become daily routine to them. Nicky was sleeping or staring at Lorna throughout the lesson while Alex was doing bullshit making Piper laugh against her will.

Alex was happy like she hadn't been for a long time. She felt like she had found her family in here she liked Nicky and Piper and even school was ok with them around, they made her start to forget everything that had happened before. Walking back to her room she heard Piper shouting. That was daily routine, too. Sighing she stepped in the room closing the door behind her and walked to her bed sitting down on the sqeeking matress and kicking her shoes off her feet. Piper was sitting at her desk, phone in hand arguing with Larry for the thousandth time this week. Alex knew this whole scenario ever since she came here but she still couldn't watch Piper this angry and hurt. She didn't knew this Larry guy but she already hated him.

'So you are serious? What the fuck, Larry. No fuck you'

Alex herad his voice rise through the phone getting more and more aggressive and she just couldn't stand it anymore. She stood up striding through the room in two long steps taking the phone from Piper and hit the red button with such force she thought she might brake the phone.

Piper looked at her in shock 'What the fuck, Alex' Piper turned her anger towards her black haired roommate but Alex just kneeled down beside and removed her glasses from her nose piercing Piper's eyes with a stern look 'There are way too many fucks coming out of your beautiful mouth, little lady' her severe voice drew a baffled look on piper's face before she started laughing forgetting about her anger. Alex smiled 'Come on let's go outside you can fight on later. It's not like anything of that is running away or so' without waiting for an answer she took Piper's jacket putting it around the blonde's shoulders. She pushed Piper's wheelchair towards the door heading for the elevator.

'You know why Larry and I fought this time?' Piper asked turning her head to look at Alex 'Well, no but I'm not sure if I wanna know.' Alex sighed irretated she didn't want to talk about Larry. 'I'm gonna tell you eather way' Piper proclaimed with her stubborn voice making Alex chuckled 'Yeah. I thought so' Piper glared at her 'You are such an asshole sometimes.' she said not really meaning it. The elevatordoors were opening and Alex was taking Piper outside. Neither of them said anything until they reached the nearby Park.

'So why did you fought?' Alex closed the zipper of her jacket her hands where cold from the icy wind and she pushed them in her backpockets trying to get them warm again

'I thought you didn't wanna know'

'I thought you'd tell me anyways'

'This conversation is stupid.'

'You're the one making it stupid.' Alex laughed. Piper stuck out her tongue towards Alex. 'So tell me' more serious now she sat down on a stone in front of Piper but jumped up immediatly since the stone was threadening to freeze her butt. Piper couldn't help a chuckle. Then she became silent again 'I told you he was going to visit me next weekend you remember?' Alex nodded

'Well, he isn't. He and his dad are having a huge order of an important company and he can't take even a day off to see his girlfriend because maybe he could dissappoint his father, who, by the way, hates me. So we won't see each other until Christmas. But he doesn't seem to care. Seems like I don't matter anymore to him' Piper ranted.

'He is an idiot, Pipes!' Alex spoke what she already thinked but kept silence about her secret wish, Piper would leave Larry and return the feelings the raven haired girl had for her 'No he is a dickhead!' Piper proclaimed 'Ew. Gross' Alex made Piper laugh again. 'You know what, Pipes. You deserve better.' she said, 'like me' was what she was thinking. Piper shrugged her shoulders. An arkward silence were setting in between Them.

Alex suddenly started laughing making Piper look at her in confusion. 'You ready' Alex smirked. 'For what?' Alex grabbed the handles of Ppiper's wheelchair counting to three and at three she started running. Piper was in shock for the first second then she outstreched her arms feeling the wind between her fingers nearly able to snatch the cold october air. The colors of the world flew past her melting in to a beutiful rainbow and she laughed feeling like a child again. She felt like flying light and free. In that Moment there was no Larry there were no problems. Nothing in the world was existant but her and Alex and the warm feeling she always had in her stomach when Alex was around.

Suddenly her wheelchair bumped into a stone tilting. Piper fell and fell until she landed in the grass the accident interrupting her little piece of happiness. She lay on the ground staring in the grey sky. A face appeared in her view. A worried face. 'Piper. Pipes you OK. Oh god. Pipes. I'm so sorry' Alex voice was alarmed and in panic.

'I think I can't move my legs' Piper said totally serious. First Alex started to panic even more before Piper's joke found it's way to her brain.

'You're such an idiot. I was scared.' 'Everythings OK. Come lie next to me. Please' Piper begged. It amazed her how this mysterious girl could make the whole world a brighter place for her and how soft she could be underneath her badass attitude. Alex plopped down next to Piper. She stared at the stunning pretty blonde examining her beautiful face her closed eyes the smile on her beautiful lips and asked herself what she might be thinking that caused her to smile. For the first time in days Piper looked happy and unburdened. Alex wanted to kiss those lips so badly.

They lay there in silence for a few minutes then there was Piper's hand searching for her's holding it and the world forgot to spin. Alex wasn't breathing when Piper began singing with her angelic voice '...No love no glory. No hero in her sky. I can't take my eyes off of you. I can't take my eyes off of you...'

Piper rolled to her side still humming her song. She looked Alex in the eye and there was a warm sparkle in them causing her stomach to flutter. Slowly reducing the space between them Piper looked for rejection in Alex's eyes but there was just craving in green. Their faces were only an inch apart and Alex fingers wandered over Piper's cheeks drawing her features. Closing the gap, Piper brushed over Alex's lips with her own. A flash lightening her body she pushed herself against Alex's body and Alex slung her arm aroung Piper pulling her even closer deepening their kiss. Their lips melted into each other soft and warm making them dizzy. Piper's hands were in alex's black hair. Never had she felt such longing for a person. She broke their kiss pulling away to look at Alex.

Alex looked like she didn't believe what just happened she looked like a lost puppy ready to be punished. It melted piper's heart and she had to kiss this girl again that could make her laugh when she felt so shitty.

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing since this is the first thing of everything I've written in my life I was brave enough to publish it means a lot to me :)  
>I know this is a bit fast forward but I had the feeling I should get the story started since this isn't the end at all ;) Tell me what you think <strong>


	6. Chapter 6

'I could lie here forever' Piper snuggled into Alex rubbing her nose against Alex's leather jacket. She breathed in Alex's scent. The smell was like a tent over them shielding her from the rest of the world.

Alex ran her hand up and down Piper's arm.

'It's so beautiful' Piper whispered

'It's fucking cold' Alex stated.

Piper hit her against the shoulder 'Gosh you are so utterly unromantic' she felt Alex chest under her head vibrating in laughter. The earth around them had stopped existing, everything had happened so fast and they just existed in their realityless bubble living the moment. Alex knew Piper had checked out of reality trying to forget her misery by distracting herself with kisses and cuddling and it hurt the raven haired beauty but she was willing to take whatever she could get as long as it lasted.

'I can't believe it's been just two months since you arrived.' Piper was in deep thought 'I feel like I know you for years' Alex turned her face away from the girl in her arms. She felt like Piper was looking for excuses for her mistake. The mistake of cheating on her boyfriend with the girl she barely knew.

Alex sighed 'Let's go back, Pipes. You gotta call your guy. And i'm gonna die if I don't get a hot shower now.' She stood up and reached for Piper's hands pulling her in a sitting position before she put one arm under her knees and one under her armpit and lifted her on her arms. Piper lay her head on Alex shoulder and trayled a row of kisses down Alex's neck tasting what was pure Alex. She was amazed by how easy the raven haired girl lifted her weight before she was sat down back in her wheelchair. The way back to their room was a silent one.

* * *

><p>Next morning was like every morning in the last two month except that everything was different. Instead of watching Piper leave the room and going back to sleep, Alex woke up minutes before Piper and went to the empty bathroom waiting for the blonde.<p>

When her wheelchair rolled through the door and Piper realized why Alex hadn't been in bed anymore her face lit up. She closed the door behind her and grabbed for Alex's shirt pulling her down to her level and kissed her like she hadn't done anything else in her life. She felt Alex's smile on her lips whispering a 'Good morning roller girl' into her mouth. Piper's tongue brushed over Alex's bottom lip begging for entrance. Alex opened her mouth letting Piper's tongue slip in, her hands were on Piper's hips to support her weight.

When the door opened they didn't know how much time had passed. Diane Vause was standing in the doorway, eyebrows raised, hand on her hip. Piper started panicking and she pushed Alex away with such force Alex nearly fell with horror in her eyes. 'How... how dare you.' Piper pressed out of her lips 'Stay …. stay away from me!' Piper's voice was shaking she wasn't able to cope with being caught. Alex eyes widened in disbelief 'What?' but Piper didn't answer she kept staring on the floor. Diane was shooting her eyes between the two of them the famous Vause-eyebrow up in the sky.

Rushing out of the bathroom Alex escaped the situation she couldn't believe what just happened she was hurt to the very depths of her heart. That was exactly the reason why she never fell in love. Because girls always fuck you over, especially straight ones. She rushed to her room kicking the door shut. Pacing through the room she kicked everything that got in her way. Blinded by anger she kicked something that felt a bit too soft to be her desk. 'Ahh fuck Vause. You nuts?' Alex ignored Nicky, distracted by the door opening and a guilty looking Piper rolling in. There was a moment of silence before Alex looked away staring out of the window trying to swollow the worlds on her tongue. Piper began crying 'Alex. Al …. Alex I'm so sorry. Please Alex look at me.' Alex kept avoiding the blonde's begging. Their roommate just shook her lionhaired head leaving the stage of Drama.

'Alex please you can't just ignore me. Please Alex talk to me.' Piper 's face was buried in tears. 'Al.'

'I don't fucking believe you.' Alex voice was like a knife cold and sharp. 'I'm so ... so sorry. I ... I panicked I wasn't prepared for someone to walk in on us ... I'm scared don't you get it? This is new to me.' Alex turned around 'If you want to be with me i'll be there for you and I won't leave you alone and I don't expect you to come out in public. But this shit ... Is just totally unacceptable. I mean what the fuck you made me look like a megahorny lesbian in front of my sister, what the fuck Piper.'

'I didn't want to hurt you.' Piper stared on the floor she knew she fucked up in every possible way. 'Do you want to be with me ?' Alex sounded so weak. Piper couldn't answer she didn't know she kept her gaze on the floor still crying. She heard the door shut and knew Alex was gone.

The day got by and it was awful. Alex ignored her in class and at lunch and through all the rest of the day. Piper felt beaten ignoring all messages from Larry. Her life was so fucked up right now. She nearly felt relieved when the cab arrived to take her home over the weekend.

**I hope you don't hate me now ;) I wouldn't be Piper and Alex if there weren't some drama, right ? ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

Alex was wasted. She was at one of those house parties the day pupils threw nearly every saturday night. Most of them had very rich parents with large houses and lots of possibilities for parties like this. Some of the older guys had smuggeled alcohol in and Alex had already had way too much but the blurry around her still let her feel the pain in her heart so she kept drinking, craving to lose reality.

She paced through the room watching some girls dance and grind on each other. The sight together and her drunkeness made her horny and restless.

'Vause. Come here' Nicky curled her finger to guide Alex on the dancefloor and since Alex just wanted to forget Piper so much, that nothing else mattered anymore, she shoved through the mass 'til she stood in front of her smirking roommate who already danced her brains out. The music was loud and the air was hot and sweaty from all those people.

Alex began to move to the rhythm of the streaming alcohol in her blood. Nicky grinned checking her out from head to toe, licking her lips teasingly. It turned Alex on and she started to feel like her old self again. Drinking, partying, dancing with sexy girls. She pressed her body into Nicky's putting her hands on the ginger's hips looking down on her with lustfilled eyes. Nicky responded immeadiatly by pushing a leg between Alex's and putting her arms around her neck into her hair. They kept dancing like this for a few songs before Alex's hands wandered lower grabbing Nicky's ass pulling her closer to her centre. Nicky's eyes held a challenging glance and she licked her lips again.

They danced in this position challenging each other to make the next step until their lips crushed into one another in a hungry kiss. Tongues fighting for superior. They started grinding on each other making themselves even hotter 'til Alex broke their kiss and whispered into Nicky's ear 'Let's get out of here.' her breathing was already heavy.

They went back to the boarding home heading for their empty room barely making it to Nicky's bed before they started ripping their clothes off. Alex hadn't had sex for way too long and Nicky was a master in her technique so when Alex came she came hard. Twice.

Afterwards she was so tired out she didn't make it back to her bed and fell asleep next to Nicky. Neither of them was awake when Diane made her evening checking on them finding them naked on Nicky's bed with their clothes spread over the floor.

* * *

><p>Alex head felt like someone had used it as a bowling ball. She groaned shielding her eyes from the sun with her hands. 'What a fucking city, where the sun rises already at eight in the morning.' she mumbled. There was something warm in her bed and a arm lay heavily on her stomach. When Alex was finally able to see she looked over to the naked girl next to her. And the moment she recognized the wild hair the memory started to back in. 'Fuuuuck' Alex mouthed, she couldn't believe she had slept with her friend. But even if her mind could have fooled her, their naked bodies and the subliminal pain between her legs were prove enough.<p>

'Oh shit, fuck' Alex rose herself trying not to wake Nicky, she collected her clothes from the floor until she realized she couldn't run this time like she did all the times with all those nameless girls. 'Fuck' she wasn't able to think of anything else.

Hurrily she put on some clothes that didn't smell like smoke and sweat and alcohol and left the room. She wanted to be alone, to get somewhere where she could think again so she rushed down the empty floors. 'Lex' Diane called her name behind her causing her to curse in silence. Not now. She turned around facing her sister. 'Lex, you got time?' It was a rhetorical question they both knew that. 'Let's take a walk' Diane took Alex's hand like they had done a millionth times since Alex was a little girl. They went outside in silence heading for the park, in which she had been with Piper only two days ago.

'So' Diane's voice was ominous. 'How are you doing ? You're comfortable with your roommates?' Alex blushed thinking about her roommates. The one that kissed her and made her heart hurt and the other that fucked her and made her ... Well, whatever.

Diane didn't wait for Alex's answer 'You and Nicky is that a thing?' Alex stopped walking turning around on her heel to look her sister in the eye 'What? How ...'

'Well, it's my job to check on you and ... Well, the situation didn't leave much room for interpretation. So is that something real or is it just sex?' Alex shrugged her shoulders. 'Yeah I gussed that.' Diane sighed, she hated that her 17 year old sister always refused to be in any relationship and considered her way too promiscuous for her age.

'And Piper?' Alex looked away, feeling trapped, and started walking again tears were dwelling in her eyes. She felt Dianes hand grabbing her wrist and stopped again. Diane put her hand under Alex's chin lifting her face forcing her to look at her. 'Lex. Baby what's wrong? Tell me what happened with Piper.' Alex couldn't hold her tears back and Diane hugged her tightly causing Alex to cry on her shoulder. 'I didn't force her to kiss me. She kissed me first. I promise.' Alex hadn't cried so much in years. She was not the crying person but with all that had happened in the last days, she felt helpless and small again. 'What happened Lexi ?' Diane stroke Alex's hair. In an lousy attempt to fight her sadness she cursed 'Fuck her. She's a bitch. I hate her.' Alex was trying to become mad, because it was easier than being hurt but Diane hold her shoulders and thrusted her away at arm's length so that she could look her little sister in the eye 'No' she said softly 'Nou don't' Alex breathed in 'No' she said with her broken voice 'No I don't'

The sisters kept on walking talking about Piper and Nicky and some other stuff. When they were nearly back at the boarding home Diane grabbed in her bag pulling out an envelop. 'Before I forget again. This was in the box yesterday evening. It's for you. I wanted to give it to you before you all went to the party but seems like I forgot. Sorry baby' Alex read the adress on the envelop it was Piper's handwriting.

Alex rushed back to her room, Nicky wasn't there anymore and Alex was more than happy about it. She felt the envelop in her pocket and hesitated, sitting down on the floor leaning on her bed she turned the letter in her hands a few times before she finally decided to read it and ripped the envelop open.

'Alex, I don't know how to begin. I can't say how sorry iI am. I haven't talked to you the whole day and even if it was just one day I already miss you so much that my heart hurts. I have such strong feelings for you and it scares me like hell. I've never been so scared before but what scares me more than my sexuality or coming out or anything, is the possibility of losing you. I can't imagine my life without you anymore.'

There were some drops of blurred ink. A prove of Piper crying while writing those lines. It made Alex heart cramp, when she read on.

'I left Larry. And I don't know if you still want to be with me after what I've done, I would honestly totally understand if you don't, but I really hope you can forgive me. I can't stopp thinking of you. Love Piper'

Letting the letter glide to the floor Alex burried her head in her hands, she was nearly crying again. Piper had left her boyfriend for her while she fucked with their roommate and Piper's best friend. She felt like such an stupid asshole.

* * *

><p>When Piper came back from home the room was already dark and silent, Alex where breathing steady and silently, like she always did, giving no clue of what might go on in her dreams, while Nicky was snoring like a timber mill.<p>

Piper felt tired to death she hadn't heard from Alex the whole weekend and she didn't even know if she had read her letter. The weekend hab been exhausting the break up with larry costed her all her strength but she knew it was the right decision .Larry had cried and screamed he didn't understand her actions and she hadn't had the power to explain it to him. She had not told him about Alex just had said she couldn't go on like this fighting every day. He promised he would change but she told him it was just over.

Piper watched Alex in her sleep feeling so much warmth for that girl. She went to bed and fell in a dreamless sleep. Had she known what would happen in the next 24 hours she hadn't been this calm, that's for sure.

**So I just thought I had to keep up the tension a little bit :)  
><strong>**I really try to keep the updates coming as frequently as now but since I'm in medschool and I've got some important midterms coming up next week, I can't promise to update daily. So my apologies, I hope you don't mind. **


	8. Chapter 8

When Alex walked into school on monday morning there were a bunch of people grinning giving her thumps up or clapping her on the shoulder. She didn't quite understand what all this was about, her thoughts were still on Piper and her letter, until a guy from her english class approched her telling her 'You and Nichols. Hot hot hot.' He winked and all the others around them nodded in agreement giggly,

'Fuck' Alex cursed rushing to the elevators. Everybody knew, How could she have been so fucking stupid. She was furious about being an object of gossip and she hated being in the focus but the thought of Piper finding out through rumours what a stupid bitch she was made her even more furious.

She began running and bumped into a lion haired girl.

'Vause, Fuck. What you're doing?' Alex was collecting herself before she ranted 'Every fucking body knows about the weekend' she was mad and panicked

'Yeah everybody was at the Party. You think they all forgot about us making out?' Nicky didn't understand the fuzz. She was used to the school gossip and sometimes she even enjoyed being talked about it made her kind of interesting.

'Does Piper know?'

'What?'

'Piper can't know. Please, Nicky, where is she?' Nicky looked at her like she had lost her mind 'OK, so we had sex, so what? why should Piper care?'

'There is no time for explanations. Where is Piper?' Nicky pointed towards the editor's office looking after Alex who ran towards the officedoor and shook her head in disbelief.

Kicking the door open Alex found some people staring at her most of them with a grin on their faces but on Piper's face was just horror. 'Could you leave us alone?' Alex eyes weren't encouraging to disagree so the group just cleared off whispering.

Piper's eyes were wide in disbelief 'What they say isn't true right. You and Nicky... It's just gossip, isn't it? There isn't anything about it right?' It wasn't a rhetorical question. Piper really didn't believe anything they had told her about the party because it couldn't be true, if Alex had made out with Nicky it would mean everything between her and Alex had been a lie.'

It isn't, right?' Alex took a deep breath 'Yes, it is.' her tone was serious and factual she had no excuses. 'We had sex.'

Piper felt like watching herself from above, she wasn't in her body anymore fleeing from the pain in her limbs in her heart and her head. And that Piper she watched didn't cry, didn't move, didn't say anything just stared in pain on the pieces of her broken heart.

She had left Larry, her boyfriend of more than a year, for a girl she had made out with twice, how could she be so stupid. 'Pipes' Alex took a step closer reaching for her hand. And Piper saw herself getting angry pulling her arm away with force 'Don't you fucking dare touch me' she yelled.

'Piper, please, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I … I read your letter and I feel the exacat same way as you. You are the best thing that had happened to me in a long time. But what happened with Nicky doesn't have anything to do with us.' Alex raspy voice was soft, sad and begging.

'You read my letters?' Alex put her glasses up her nose before she nodded and smiled carefully kneeling down beside Piper. Piper watched herself turning cold 'Well, what I wrote in there ... ' she paused while the other girl took her hand but Piper slapped it away aggressively 'Forget about it' she turned her wheel. Before leaving the room she turned around one more time and threw the words ins Alex's face 'This was just a game to you, wasn't it? A fucking game' then she left the office heading for the next bathroom she didn't want anyone to see her crying. She locked herself in one of the 'disabled' stalls returning in her hurting body she started crying. She had never felt so stupid sitting in a bathroom stall crying her brains out over a girl who screwed her best friend. And for that girl she left her boyfriend. She felt like a pathetic teenager, one she never wanted to be. When she heard the bathroomdoor opening she held her breath.

'Piper. I know you're in there, please, come out. Talk to me.' Piper would know this voice everywhere. Tears were running down her cheeks in silence. Alex was now right in front of her stall leaning onto the door. 'Pipes' the voice was just a whisper 'Nicky didn't mean anything to me. But you do. I only slept with her because I never thought that we could ever be something again. I was hurt and I drank too much to get you out of my head. It was so stupid and pathetic but I'm into you. I didn't play with you, it had never been a game I really do like you. You have to believe me. Please.' The door opened slowly and Piper came out of the stall looking Alex in the eye. 'I don't believe a word you say.' she spat 'You use people just for your fun and profit. I nearly outed myself for you but thank god I didn't, because you are just a manipulative slut.' Her shaking voice was hateful 'So if you need that for your little science project „can i make little Piper Chapman believe she's in love with a girl". Yes you did it. Congratulations.'

'Piper' Alex cried 'Please. I didn't want to hurt you. We both made mistakes.' Piper spun her head in fury 'But I didn't fuck your best friend.' she yelled ' I'll go now and don't you dare walk after me.' and then she was gone and Alex was alone.

**So I know it's short again, but I thought better than nothing ;)**  
><strong>And I've decided to write one or two chapters in Nicky's view to reveal a bit more of her story <strong>


	9. Chapter 9

The day had been a good one and it was becoming even better at six pm. Nicky sat on the window in her room fuming and watching Lorna dance to a song on the radio in the middle of the room.

'So did you really sleep with Alex?' her high voice tried to sound indifferent but didn't manage to convince Nicky or even herself. She moved to the music dancing towards Nicky taking her cigarette from her, teasingly putting it between her red lips before dancing away again to the middle of the room she felt Nicky's eyes follow every step she made before turning around again and looking at the ginger 'So...?'

Nicky raised her brow like she had learned from her sexy roommate 'Why do care. You're jealous, Morello?' she teased with a wink 'Oh' Lorna didn't even interrupt her dance still pretending like it wouldn't bother her in the least. 'I just wanna know what's going on in Nicky Nichols head.'

Nicky knew how to play this game and she were better in it than everybody else so she pushed herself from the windowboard and took a few steps into the room until she was face to face with the tiny italian. She looked her right in the eye 'That ...' Nicky said and pursed her lips letting the moment sink in for a second '...is mine' she took the cigarette out of the confused girl's hand putting it between her pursed lips again and turned around with an evil grin on her face sitting back down on the window board.

Lorna looked like somebody just stole her lollipop from her. 'Are you into her?' The tiny girl asked after she found her voice again. Nicky smiled warmly 'Nah. And neither is she into me. We just had fun you know. Actually, I think there is something going on between her and Piper but you don't know a thing, get it girl?'

On cue the door was opened and a furious Piper came in hitting the door shut again. Lorna's eyes were wide in surprise. She threw Nicky a glance who nodded towards the door and Lorna got it. She headed to the door 'See you at dinner?' she asked silently 'Sure, kiddo' Nicky winked and threw a last glance on the girl's ass before she finally left the room. In the meantime Piper had layed down on her bed she was crying in silence without even noticing.

'You tell me what's up, P?' Nicky lit another cigarette staring at her best friend. She had the feeling like she knew exactly what was wrong with the beautiful blonde who was like a sister to her but she wanted her to tell her. Piper threw a evil glance towards her and Nicky felt like she had benn cut with a knife. She knew she had hurt her and it made her feel shitty. That girl had done anything for her everytime she needed her. She surely wouldn't have slept with Alex if she had known how much she meaned to her best friend beforehand.

Piper had turned her face away so Nicky wouldn't see her crying. She felt a weight on the bed and just wished Nicky would leave her alone in her vulnerable state. Shortly after she felt a hand in her hair stroking it gently and it made her only cry harder. She loved Nicky and she knew she had never intented to hurt her but without knowing, she did . 'It's Alex isn't it ?' Piper turned around apruptly. Nicky's eyes were soft and loving 'You are in love with her.' Nicky stated and it wasn't a question so Piper didn't answer. She didn't need to.

'I'm so sorry baby. I didn't know back then ok. I wouldn't have fooled around with her if I had known. You know that right ? Tell me that you know that. And I love you you know that, too. You know it, don't you?' Nicky's voice sounded desperate. Piper raised her head looking her best friend in the eye 'I know it.'

The next hours Piper told Nicky everything. She told her about the weird feeling she had in the beginning when Alex was around and how comfortable and familiar she started feeling around her shortly after. How she didn't miss Larry as much as she should and how Alex made her laugh whenever she felt miserable how she thought so much about the black haired beauty and how she had to kiss her. She told her about the bathroom and how she fucked up, she told her about the letter. When she told her about her breakup with Larry, Nicky couldn't help a 'Thank God' she had always hated that guy. Then the story ended with Alex telling Piper about the sex and Piper yelling at Alex what a slut she was.

'Wow, hard words.' Nicky stated carefully 'I mean practically you weren't together and there was no reason for her to think you ever will.' Piper's eyes became cold 'So you're on her side ?' she asked reproachfully. 'What there are sides now?' Nicky's tone was bugged and she rolled her eyes 'Look Piper I love you but this is just Dyke Drama. There are no sides! You both are stupid, pathetic girls who hurt each other for nothing. And don't give me those eyes, stubborn.' Piper looked away knowing Nicky was right somehow, but she wasn't willing to crawl back yet.

'Maybe I should move. There is a free bed in Polly's room.' the idea just popped up in her head. Running away so Alex could run after her and show her that she is only into her. 'What the fuck ? You can't be serious. You want to move out and to this bitch? We hate her!' Nicky was mad and her eyes were full of disgust and disbelieve, she hated drama 'Well, YOU hate her!' Piper said challenging. Nicky just shook her head before she yelled 'Oh fine, fuck it. You wanna behave like a five year old? So there you go. Have fun with your new best friend.' she rushed out of the room slamming the door shut.

She was angry and hurt she didn't believe Piper would really leave her alone without even giving a single thought on her so-called best friend. Ever since Nicky came here they were sharing a room and Nicky's life had become tremendously better with Piper. Her childhood hab been a horrortrip. Born by a rich high society couple she had never been good enough for her social heritage always standing behind her overachieving brother.

With her father being a famous local politician, known for his conservative views and her mother addicted to be shown in the press, Nicky had been a dissappointment right from the beginning.

The sickly little baby unpresentable in her pale, slender, and weak state she shouldn't be seen on the pictures in the newspapers. So her parents had left her at home with the nanny whenever there was a price to accept in front of the press for whatever her dad or brother achieved. She grew up like an alien unrelated to her parents and brother and it only had become worse when she grew older. The house was plastered in family pictures but she wasn't seen on one of them. Either it was her hair of the dark circles under her eyes or just the fact that she was at home while her brother won a price for the best exploding vulcano she just wasn't existant, feeling invisible.

Nicky began smoking when she was ten hoping it would arouse some attention but noone cared so she started drinking when she was eleven but her parents didn't even notice. Just when she nearly died of heroin in the age of twelve her mother was fed up with her and sent her to boarding school.

That was six years ago and her life had improved so much since then. Suddenly she had a family, a sister, somebody who cared about her and somebody who ranted when she drank too much. She was suddenly a visible person, a human being and no alien anymore. And now Piper wanted to leave their room. Her home.

Nicky never cried but now she had angry tears in her eyes. Wiping away the tear she walked down the floors aimlessly for what felt like hours until somebody finally stopped her by grabbing her wrist.

Nicky wanted to yell at the person for touching her before she recognized who it was. Her mind snapped and she grapped the shirt of the person and pushed her against a wall, the waves of her anger battering over her. And then she crushed her lips into the other one's, kissing her aggressivly. Lorna was paralysed, surprised by the aggressiveness of the kiss before she pushed Nicky away from her.

It made Nicky regret her actions immediatly and she started to walk away again trying to hide her hurt feelings but Lorna stopped her for a second time turning her around and taking both of her hands. She looked her in the eye, slowly leaning in and kissing Nicky on the mouth softly and lovingly. Her mouth lingering on Nicky's for a few seconds before she broke away and walked down the floor. Nicky was left alone with a smile on her face.

**So this is the first of the two chapters in Nicky's POV. What do you think?**


	10. Chapter 10

Nicky went back to her room after hours her mind still circling around this kiss. Lorna's lips had been soft and moist tasting sweet like cherry lipstick. Nicky touched her own lips feeling them smiling against her will. But the smile was erased when she opened the door with the big N and A and P on it and the silence in the room hit her hard in the face.

Piper's sheets were ripped off the bed showing off the rank matress with the huge beerstain Nicky had spilled on Piper's bed two years ago. She had thought Piper would yell at her and demand to change matresses but Piper had just observed the stain in a serious manner before looking at Nicky 'It looks like a sleeping bat!' first Nicky had looked like her best friend had totally lost her mind but then she had broke in a laughing fit telling Piper she loves her and they had spent the next hours on interpreting the forms of the beerstain.

Now Nicky sat down on the bed the matress squieking under her weight and she felt kind of betrayed. Of course she would still see Piper everyday in school and all through the day but it wasn't the same and she couldn't believe that her stupid friend had treated their little living community just to provocate some chick she had her eyes on. That was so not Piper. The Piper Chapman she knew were reasonable, quiet and reliable and didn't go nuts because of some hot girl. Where there really any doubts about Piper's sexuality? Because right now it was so obvious that she was a lesbian, a infested with hormones, dyke-drama causing, best-friend-forgetting lesbian.

Nicky looked around in the room. It was so full of memories of the past years. Fourteen cuts on the inside of Piper's wardrobe door: Piper had marked everyday with a deep cut like a prison inmate waiting for release when Larry was on a two week long school trip last year. She had ignored the teasing's of her roommates and nearly cried when see saw Mercy making out with her new girlfriend at the time because she considered the love between Trisha and Mercy so damn romantic. Nicky back then had formed a gun with her fingers pressing it against her forehead and making a 'pew' sound before falling backwards on her bed causing Piper to roll her eyes.

Nicky stood up from the bed accompanied by the familiar squek of the coil springs. It was already dark outside the grey, dusty lanterns threw a smilthy light on the cobblestone pavement.

She had no idea what time it was but she slowly started to wonder why she was still alone she hadn't seen Alex since their short conversation on the schoolfloor earlier that day. When the time went by Nicky was getting more nervous she had no idea where Alex could be or what she should tell Diane and she surely was too mad at Piper to ask for her help and advice.

She had texted Alex multiple times but hadn't recieved an answer by now. Sitting on the windowboard she smoked her millionth cigarette of the day. She was tapping her phone against the board before she threw it against the door where it shattered in a thousand pieces. What a fucking day. And to cap it all right then the door opened and Diane walked in looking at the shattered cellphone before she threw a asking glance at Nicky 'Are you nuts now? What the hell is wrong with this day? Piper is moving. You are getting destructive. Teenage Drama? And since when do we smoke in bedrooms.' Nicky just shook her head angrily throwing the cigarette out of the window. 'Hey, girl, tell me what's wrong. You aren't throwing phones for nothing, are you?' Shrugging her shoulders Nicky stayed quiet.

Diane knew her forsterlings and she had already assumed that Nicky wouldn't be amused about Piper's desicion since the two of them had always been inseperable and she also knew that behind her cool facade Nicky was very sad girl who wished nothing more than to feel loved. She sometimes reminded her of her little sister. Both of them hid their vulnerability behind their badass attitude.

Laying a hand under Nicky's chin she turned her head making her look at her 'Hey, girl. Must be pretty shitty without Piper, huh?' Nicky snorted contemptuosly but didn't say a word. 'You pretty mad at her, aren't you? Maybe you should tell her? Maybe she didn't think about who she might hurt, hm?'

Diane's eyes were worried like most of the time. It was part of her job to worry about these kids and she was very good in her job. 'She doesn't think at all anymore.' Nicky's voice was shaking in anger. 'Well, I guess she's in love. You know people do stupid things when in love. Who would know better than you?'

Diane winked tapping a finger against Nicky's nose. The ginger blushed knowing what incident Diane was referring to. She had had a little crush on her black haired caretaker when she was fifteen she had kept making her compliments and flirting with her ignoring Diane's adminitions. Then one day she had crashed a date Diane had with some random guy by hitting him in the face and confessing her love to the beautiful woman. Noone else knew about this incident but the two of them and of course Piper.

'Well at least I never let my best friend hanging.' Nicky stated matter of factly. 'She'll get her senses back sooner or later, trust me, hm? She loves you.' Nicky shrugged her shoulders again staring out of the window. Diane squeezed Nicky's tigh before turning around and throwing a glimpse on her watch 'So where is Alex?' she asked.

**I'm sorry I know it took me long and now it's short again but I really tried to keep my work up as good as possible. Now my midterms are over and I hope I'll be able to write more the next days... **


	11. Chapter 11

Alex was sitting under the bridge over the canal the water of the stream rushing past her steadily, the moonlight was dimly shining on her pale skin making it look cold and kind of ill and not part of her. She held a half empty bottle of whisky in her cold shaking hands. The liquid was burning in her throat letting her feel at least a little alive. She felt nothing but the cold in her fingers and the burn of the alcohol and she really appreciated that, at least it benumbed the pain in her heart.

Fumbling in her pocket searching for cigarettes her fingers touched something hard and cool. Something she had given a guy money for to buy it for her, together with the cigarettes and the liquid. She knew she would use it today but she tried to save that up for later. Piper's words kept resonating in her head

'I don't believe a word you say.'

'You use people just for your fun and profit'

'Manipulative slut.'

'Your little science project'

'I didn't fuck your best friend'

'Just for your fun and profit'

'Science project'

'Manipulative slut'

'Manipulative slut'

'Manipulatice slut'

Alex threw her head against the wall behind her to shut up the voices in her brain. But they kept screaming as loud as before. When she put her hands over her ears they only became louder. 'Manipulative slut'

'Manipulative slut'

* * *

><p>Piper was waiting for Alex to fold having no idea that that was exactly what Alex was doing right now. For the hundredth time she imagined the conversation they'd had when Alex would come to her begging for her forgiveness. Alex would tell her how much she loved her and only her, that her life were senseless without Piper. In her naive little daydream Piper pulled Alex in a blinding kiss and everything would be good.<p>

She was suddenly ripped out of her dreambubble when the door was opened appruptly and an upset Nicky storming in 'Alex is missing' she yelled with horror in her eyes, the words ringing in Piper's ears until she finally understood what Nicky was saying. Horror, Horror, Horror.

It was already eleven and it was freezing cold and dark outside Alex should have been back in her room one and a half hour ago her cellphone was shut off and noone had seen her since morning she hadn't been in lessons or at meals.

The whole castle where lit like in bright daylight everybody was up and upset. They where talking and spreading rumours and every theory was more spine-crawling than the one before. It started with Alex running away because Nicky had broken her heart and ended somewhere with Alex getting killed because of her being part of the mafia. Finally Diane was fed up and yelled everybody should go to bed because they were no use. Before everybody toddled off somebody called 'Oh come on this is just some attentionwhore begging for everybody to see her.'

Nicky raised her fist and bumped it into the guys face, who was standing right next to her. Lunging out for a second hit she was ready to beat that guy up but was stopped by Lorna and Trisha grabbing her shoulders and pulling her away from him. The whole situation was starting to escalate.

Interventing the scene Diane shut them all up with a loud whistle and finally the halls were emptying out, mumbles and yells were ringing trough the floors, some angry, some upset, before it finally went silent.

Only Lorna, Trisha, Poussey, Polly, Nicky and Piper remained. Polly pulled at Piper's shirt 'Come, we should go, too. I guess we are no help here?' When Piper shook her head she just shrugged her shoulders and went away.

'Girls you should go to bed, too and let the adults handle this situation.' Diane's voice sounded weak and devastated she needed all her strength to not break into pieces. 'Can't we help searching?' Trisha asked what all of them were hoping but Diane shook her head 'No, it's too dangerous. I can't lose another one of you tonight.' Her voice shattered into shards when the image of a dead Alex appeared in her head. She tried to push it away but it only got more and more detailed. 'Go to bed. I'll tell you as soon as we find her. I promise.' She said weakly.

'All right, good luck.' Lorna said in her high voice and pulled the others down the floors towards the bedrooms until they were out of sight. Then Nicky ripped her hand out of Lorna's 'All right good luck?' she imitated Lorna's voice 'Are you nuts? Alex is somewhere out there and we are going to bed?' 'No of course not' Lorna looked at Nicky redentfully 'but if I hadn't said that she would have brought us to bed by herself. Of course we are searching for her.'

* * *

><p>They splitted their group in two. Trisha and Poussey should walk towards the city and the rest of them would search in the nearby park. They parted with an uneasy feeling.<p>

'This is all my fault.' Piper was crying and biting her lips until thery were bloody, tasting like iron. 'This is all my fault. If she did something to herself. I was so stupid. She could be dead by now. Killed or hit by a car or frozen to death.' all those pictures were popping up in her head 'Or raped.'

Nicky stopped walking appruptly turning on her heel to look at the rambling girl "Would you please SHUT THE FUCK UP" she yelled "You are not fucking helping. So shut up" the words kept hanging between the two friends and they glared at each other until Lorna stepped between the two of them grabbing Nicky's hand to calm her down. 'It's not your fault Piper. Friends fight sometimes. We'll find her OK?' Lorna pulled on Nicky's hand moving her to walk on without letting go off her cold hand. Piper rolled behind them thinking about all the stupid things she had said to Alex. She was so scared that this could be the last thing she ever had said to her. She felt so desperate.

At some point they started calling Alex's name trough the cold, empty dark but the only answer they received was creepy silence that scared them to death so they turned silent again. It was already after midnight and they were chilled to the bones but noone of them was ready to give up. Not yet.

They were walking along the canal now in silence nobody had said a word for what felt like hours everyone battling against the images in their heads. Images of a dead body floating on the black water.

Piper heard somebody scream when she saw a black bundle under the bridge a hundred feet ahead. She clapped her hand over her mouth when realizing the screams came out of her own lungs. For the first time in years she felt the urge to run, nearly forgetting about her disability that got her stuck in this sitting position. She pushed the wheels as fast as she could leaving Nicky and Lorna behind. 'Wait' Nicky called after her 'You don't even know who or what this is. Piper stopp!' but Piper new exactly who or what that was, she would recognize her Alex everywhere, even as a black bundle in the dark.

When she was just ten feet away Alex features became more detailed, she was lying on her side crawled in herself like an embryo in the mud. Next to her lay an empty bottle of something Piper didn't recognize but she was sure it was some kind of booze so Alex had started drinking again. Piper pushed herself to the front of her wheelchair before letting herself fall to the ground the last three feet she crawled to Alex not caring abut the mud or the stones and sticks on the ground scratching on her limbs. Nicky and Lorna watched this scene from a distance, hand in hand.

Piper lay her head on top of Alex's laying in the mud, her face was cold as ice. She saw something sparkling next to Alex's knee but ignored it nothing mattered right now but if Alex was alive

'Alex, Al please wake up. Don't be dead please. I'm so sorry.' she pressed her lips against Alex's forehead letting her tears roll over Alex's cold face 'Please wake up!' laying her hands on Alex's leg and shoulders to shake the girl, her hand suddenly felt wet. She pulled it back thinking maybe Alex had vomited from the alcohol but when she examined her hand it was red and smelled like iron. With horror in her eyes she brought her hand back to Alex's leg this time feeling the cuts in her jeans that were soaked in blood.

'Hey' somebody yelled at her 'What the fuck do you think you're doing. Didn't I fucking tell you to stay in your room' Diane was raging, running towards them 'Isn't it bad enough that my sister is missing, huh? What do you think I felt when I got a call that there are five more missing now? Do you know what could have happened to you? Did you even think this through? Where are the others?'

Noone had ever seen her this mad. 'I'm gonna call them' Nicky mumbled walking away a few steps.

Diane bent down examining her little sister. She tucked a strand of Alex's dirty hair out of her face feeling her breathe against her palm. In the background they could hear Nicky talk into Lorna's phone 'We got her... No I have no idea ... No ... Yeah come home... Yes I know'

Diane took off her jacket throwing it over Alex's leg to shield it from Piper's eyes. It broke her heart to see Alex had been cutting herself again.

Finally being able to pull her eyes from the leg Piper took a look at the sparkling thing she had seen earlier but ignored, now she recognized what it was: It was a razorblade shimmering red from Alex blood.

The sight made her shiver she was so scared and worried about her girl. She feared Alex might be diing from the cold so she took her jacket off, too, laying it around Alex's shoulder to warm her up, she was so glad that Diane was here and now that she was becoming a bit calmer she felt Alex heart beating strongly in her chest.

Nicky and Lorna took their jackets off as well and they started to wrap the unconscious girl into them. Piper was helped back into her wheelchair and then they stood there like spectators watching Diane lifting a motionless Alex on her arms to carry her little sister home. She hold the girl like Alex had hold Piper once in the park after their kiss. Was that really just three days ago ? It felt like a different life.

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing. It's great to get some feedback from you :) **

**I promise there will be happier chapters again, soon :)**


	12. Chapter 12

Alex was alive. That was all that mattered to Piper. Never in her life had she been more scared, not even for her own life. Nothing had ever scared the shit out of her like Alex had this night, she wasn't able to calm down staring at the black haired girl lying in front of her on the bed sleeping tightly with restless eyes.

Piper couldn't take her eyes off Alex's face too afraid that she might disappear again if she didn't keep her eyes on her. So she had insisted on staying at Alex's bed for the rest of the night and noone had had the power to argue anymore so they just let her sit there.

They had come home chilled to the bones, tired to death and as nervous wrecks. Nicky had her arm around Lorna's shoulder trying to keep her a bit warm, at least that had been her excuse but in reality she needed the body contact to calm herself a little from all that had happened and to feel protected and not alone.

Piper's arms had been shakingly weak and it had costed her so much strength to push her wheelchair by herself but she was too proud to ask for help considering it all had been her fault. She knew it was her fault.

Now she sat next to Alex's bed holding her hand and stroking her face. It was amazing how many tears could come out of one human being. She should have been empty by now but the tears were still rolling down her face, her eyes were burning by now craving for sleep but whenever she closed them there were the pictures of that night on the back of her eyelids playing her very own horror movie. She couldn't bare the images and the sounds.

A black bundle under a bridge

Nicky yelling at her

Her own screams

A red razorblade

Alex's bloody cutted leg

She didn't understand why she would do this to herself why would she cause herself to be in more pain than she already was. Hadn't it been enough ?

Of course she had heard of people who cutted herself heard that the pain was like a kind of addiction to them, they had talked about this kind of stuff in school but not Alex, not her beautiful Alex.

Diane had took Alex to the bathroom where she finally had gathered some conciousness She had cleaned her wounds, taped the cuts on her leg and held Alex's hair when her stomach had decided to get rid of all the liquid she had poured in. The whole time both of the sisters had been crying in silence. Alex had been barely aware of the things happening around her, the alcohol still kept holding her behind a veil making everything look like a bad dream.

Overwhelmed by tiredness she had fallen asleep the moment her big sister tucked her in and the last thing she had seen before her eyelids closed the gate to this world was oceanblue.

Piper's head rested on her hand that held Alex's in a tight grip and she started to lose her fight against sleep. She felt Alex right beside her and a warm wave crushed trough her body. It was early to say it and maybe it wasn't even true because in her exhausted state she didn't really know what was true and what was dream anymore but noone could here her and noone would judge her. Right now there were no consequences 'I love you Alex Vause' she whispered before her mind finally carried her over to the land of dreams.

* * *

><p><em>Alex was standing in the middle of a circular room. The walls were of some shiny white sterile material reflecting the way too bright headlights million and million times. She stood right in the center spotlights were blinding her and a steady noise like from a rushing stream made her deaf. She felt people around her pointing at her with their fingers she felt their presence like thousands of bugs on her skin, felt them whispering, felt them judging her. All her senses felt numb and her feet were heavy holding her on place pressing her hard into the ground which was covered with pieces of broken glass a fact she became suddenly aware of when she tried to take a step out of the spotlight. She stared on her bare feet watching the glass cutting deeper and deeper through her skin, blood dwelling out of the deep cuts. A sharp pain flashed through her body and she saw her jeans getting ripped apart by an invisible power blood streaming out of the rips in the fabric. It felt like something ripping her flesh apart from her inside. Her blood smelled like whysky and shame the grotesquely red colour forming a bizarre contrast with the white walls. Then suddenly a voice was heard over the steady stream echoig from the walls extinguishing everything else. It sounded warm and familiar 'I love you Alex Vause... I love...I lo... Vause... I love you Alex Vause... Alex' the words kept ringing in her head making her dizzy and everything turned black.<em>

* * *

><p>When Alex woke up she was covered in her own sweat and for a few seconds she had no idea where was but then she recognized the blonde head on her matress lying on her left hand.<p>

Piper was here with her holding her hand and watching over her sleep. Well at least that must have been her intention when she decided to stay at her side but now she was tightly asleep in the most uncomfortable looking position.

Alex remembered all the things Piper had said to her and for the first moment she felt the urge to shove her away still feeling the pain from the harsh words. But Piper clung to her hand like she was rowning. She had hurt her too she knew that but Piper was here maybe that was all that mattered. No sorries or speaches necessary because Piper had watched over her sleep had forgotten about her mistake and had forgiven her and maybe she should do the same.

Alex raised her free hand from the mattress it felt heavy like a ton and she started stroking the blonde hair. Piper's respond was a sleepy grunt that sounded like a porcupine it made Alex laugh, something she hadn't thought she would do again 12 hours ago.

'Good morning porcupine' Piper grunted again not willing to wake up after just two hours of sleep her head ached and her neck felt like made of stone but then she recognized the warm raspy laughter next to her and opened her tired eyes staring at this beautiful face tose marvellous eyes and this smile she thought she'd never see again.

'Alex' she tasted the name on her tongue her voice barely a whisper 'Alex' Alex whiped a tear off Piper's cheek with her long finger only then Piper realized she was crying again.

'You are awake.' she stated the obvious and Alex just smiled lovingly stroking Pipers face with her fingertips. 'You have never been more beautiful than today' Alex couldn't take her eyes off the blonde. Pipers eyes became narrow and then she started hitting Alex shoulder and arm again and again 'How dare you. You stupid, dumb, egocentral, idiotic, stupid, stupid, stupid asshole' she screamed out all her exhaustion and desperation of the last hours 'How could you do this to me. How could you be so dumb? You could have been dead ! don't you dare scare me like this ever again. What should I have done when we hadn't found you? You can't do this to me.' after a last hit against Alex's shoulder she broke down crying again.

'Shhh... You gonna wake Nichols!' Alex whispered 'Come here' she patted the empty space on the matress next to her and helped Piper crawl on the bed. She slung her arm on the blonde's shoulders Piper's head rested on Alex's chest listening to her beating heart. 'Im here' Alex kissed Piper's head 'I'm here, kid' 'Alex' Piper whispered against Alex's neck

'Alex?'

'Hm?'

'Alex, I'm so sorry'

'I know'

**Gosh, it's so late. My computer had decided to not save this chapter the first time so I had to do it a second time -.- So I'm sorry for all mistakes that might or might not be there ... I'm just sooooo tired ;)**


	13. Chapter 13

Alex was sitting in Caputo's office her sister next to her and pretended to listen to his rant. Of course he had gotten wind of her little lonely escapade and wasn't too amused since he knew about her former alcohol consume and he had promised her mother that he would make sure to keep the girl sober.

Alex couldn't care less about his yelling, her thoughts still lingering over the feeling of Piper's body next to hers. She sat there on the uncomfortable wooden chair with a casual smile on her lips provocating her headteacher even more.

Diane slapped her on the back of her head when Caputo turned away and threw a warning glance to her little sister but Alex just slapped her back on her tigh to which Diane responded with another slap on Alex's shoulder. Just when Alex lunched out for another hit against her sisters leg Caputo spun his head, his face furious and the sisters had to keep their giggles back. Both of them were just too happy to be really affected by a raging headteacher.

'You think this a joke?' Caputo yelled 'There will be consequences for this! You...' he pointed his finger at the little Vause '... Will be taking part in the reading project and you'll help Chapman in organizing this shit. Maybe she'll have a good influence on you.'

Alex had to try hard to not grin from ear to ear.

Caputo now turned to the bigger Vause 'And you ... If you're not even able to control your own sister how should I trust you to take care of stranger's children? One thing like this again and I'll kick you out, both of you! And now get out of my office, now!' he was fuming of anger. The sisters made their way to the door when he added 'And I'll be informing your mother!'

The two of them could only remain their composure long enough to close the door behind them before they broke into a laughing fit.

'He'll be informing Mom, aren't you scared?' Alex managed to obtain her seriousness long enough to ask her 27 year old sister and they just couldn't stopp laughing for another few minutes

'I guess I'll be able to deal with that.' Diane laughed before she turned a bit more serious 'So seems like you got away with your stupid action. But you didn't get my punishment, yet!' she said with a stern voice 'You'll be helping me prepare the Christmas Party next friday and you'll be in charge of cleaning the bathroom for two weeks, you get me?'

Alex nodded devotetly, she knew she had deserved much worse 'And Alex' Diane held Alex head between her hands making her look at her 'If you ever do this to me again I'll rip your little twat open and you'll never feel a girl's touch again, is that understood?' Alex chuckled and pecked a kiss on her big sister's lips.

'I love you' Alex smiled.

'And now go to school.'

Alex beamed a last smile to her sister before walking to her classroom. She still had a slight headache, the last night still stuck in her bones. She and her posse of searchers had been allowed to miss the first two lessons in the morning to get some sleep but she still felt exhausted and hung over.

The whole class turned silent when Alex walked in five minutes late for the lesson. They were staring holes in her body. Miss Fisher, her history teacher, just nodded and continued to talk about French Revolution. Alex walked over to her place caressing the skin of Piper's neck with her fingertips when passing by, making Piper shiver under the secret tender touch. They had agreed to keep it secret for now and it was kind of exciting, sexy and sparkling but it scared Piper at the same time. All those people had known her for half of her life and she had no clue how most of them would react to her gay affections, especially Larry's old friends or even worse if her parents would get wind of it.

She wasn't ready yet.

Piper wrote something on her pad Alex tried to decipher but wasn't able to, not even with her glasses maybe her eyes were becoming worse. Piper noticed Alex's tries to read her writing and smirked adding a word on the pad before reaching it over to Alex under her desk.

-Was it bed with Caputo, blindy?-

Alex had to fight her laughing fit when reading Piper's lines.

-Oh you misunderstood this, I'd been in his office not in his bed. I'm not that into guys especially not in those with moustaches ;) -

Piper threw her a playfully evil glance answering immediatly. She touched Alex's hand casually while handing her the paper.

-I meant bad, stupid. Had been a rough night.-

-Oh woke up in a stranger's bed?-

-Oh yes, actually I did.-

-Let me guess: An extraordinary hot and sexy stranger.-

-No just the common, average stranger ;) -

-Wow. Now you're mean!-

-Sorry baby. Obviously I meant an ultrahot, beautiful, amiable stranger-

-Aw. Will you introduce me to her/him ;) Actually I'm condemned to join your children with cancer project and he's gonna call my Mom (Couldn't care less about that)-

'Miss Vause, Miss Chapman if you would be kind enough to follow my lesson again.' The two girls touched once again under the table smiling at each other before trying to listen to their young teacher.


	14. Chapter 14

**Trigger warning: Contains talking about selfharming in a slightly positive way. Please don't read if you feel instable! **

'Hey Holly' Alex walked into the room of her new girlfriend not really giving a shit about the roommate.

'Ähm, it's Polly. With P.' Polly's voice sounded irritated. 'Yeah right. Polly Hobby.' Alex didn't even look at her just having eyes for the beautiful blonde sitting on the bed. Polly shook her head and left the room muttering something that sounded like 'Supercunt.'

Piper threw Alex a stern glance but the raven haired girl just laughed sitting down on Piper's bed

'Well I had to get her out of here. You don't want anybody to know, kid.' Alex winked lying down on her side leaning onto her arm.

Without intending it she looked adorably cute with her glowing eyes making Piper's heart melt in awe. 'What?' Alex asked irritated by Piper's dreamy look. Piper just laughed and shook her head getting herself into a laying position next to the cute girl. 'What?' Alex repeated stupididly. 'Nothing.' Piper had to keep her laughter back making a weird grimace. 'You just look adorably cute like a little school girl on her first day of school.'

Alex gasped closing her eyes into slits before she scooted her hands up to Piper's armpits causing Piper to squeek in shock when Alex curled her fingers starting to torture the tickelish girl 'Take that back or you'll suffer.' Piper screamed in laughter

'Noooo.' she tried to grabb Alex's hands but had no chance against the attacking claws. 'You're taking it back?' Alex lowered her hands now torturing Piper's sides making her scream even louder. 'Never' Piper gasped between her laughters.

Alex slung her leg over Piper's, straddling her now to make her defenceless Piper's hands were under Alex's knees who attacked Piper's armpits again. 'Ahhhhh. That's not fair. Stopp you're playing unfair.' Piper pouted trying to squirm free of Alex's grip.

'You are using my disability against me.' she cried out and suddenly her hands were free. She looked at the girl on top of her the shock in her eyes making her laugh again and after a short second Alex joined her and let herself fall on Piper's chest.

Piper slung her hands around Alex's neck who was now lying on top of her and she pulled her face down capturing her smiling lips with her own. Their lips melted into each other softly becoming one body they deepened their kiss. Alex sucked on Piper's bottom lip biting it tenderly causing Piper to moan in silence. Alex used the moment and licked with her tongue through Piper's open mouth. In the first moment Piper was shocked but a second later she clung onto Alex neck even stronger letting her tongue swirl around Alex's. It tasted like home.

When Alex pulled away Piper nearly cried but then Alex's mouth was suddenly on her neck brushing her tongue over her sensitive skin kissing her pulse point. Never had kissing felt like that and Piper moaned again she put her hands in Alex's hair holding onto her like on a life raft. Alex hands wandered lower over her sides pushing Piper's shirt a few inches upwards caressing the soft skin with her long fingers while her lips went back onto Piper's mouth in a hungry kiss. She tried to shove her hand further under Piper's shirt but Piper's hand suddenly grabbed for hers holding it in place and Piper pulled away from the heatening kiss.

'Al...' she blushed and looked away 'I... I never...' Alex turned Piper's face looking her in the eye. 'Hey, I get it. It's okay, we can wait.' she pecked Piper's forehead before rolling down from the beautiful girl. She took one of Piper's hands in her's and pulled it to her mouth, kissing it softly.

'Don't worry, baby. We'll wait until both of us want it, OK?' Piper nodded carefully looking very uncomfortable. 'Larry and I... Well, we didn't... We never ... Ehm ...'

'Hey Pipes, look at me. I can wait. Stopp worrying.' With those words she kissed Piper once more.

But the 16 year old wasn't content yet. 'Al?' Alex lay there her eyes closed trying to calm down her heat 'Hm?'

'Al?' Piper pulled on Alex's shirt until she opened her eyes and looked at her 'Can I ask you something?' Piper stared at her own hand as if it were tremendously interesting.

Alex eyes widened 'Gosh, Pipes. You know what a stupid question that is? I don't know what you wanna ask so how should I tell if you should? That is stupid?! When people ask if they can ask something the question is always awful! The time between this question and the actual question becomes like a slow torture where you ask yourself will she break up with me, is she asking to marry me? Who will ever say no you can't ask me and then die from the tension of not knowing?' Piper had started chuckling about Alex's rant. She turned to her side facing the ranting girl 'I'm sorry' she smiled kissing Alex on her lips.

'Hey' Alex yelled pushing her softly away 'Now ask, for heaven's sake. Or you'll suffer again!' Piper bit her lip examining her hand again 'Well, how many, ehm ... how many were there ... before me?' Piper blushed turning her face away to hide her embarrassment. Alex took Piper's face between her warm hands 'None' she said softly her long fingers following the lines of Piper's face.

'Liar' Piper whispered closing her eyes under Alex's touch. 'I'm not lying. There wasn't anyone. Noone that mattered like you do.' she closed the gap between the two of them pressing her lips into Piper's swallowing whatever Piper wanted to say with a blinding kiss.

* * *

><p>Evening was setting in and while the light became dim it had started snowing in silence. The cobblestone was covered by a thin white layer, untouched and bright like clean linen.<p>

'You think Nicky will ever talk to me again?' Piper and Alex lay in the dark only lit by the cold moonlight. 'Well, she is pretty pissed. But she's your best friend. You should talk to her, kid.'

Piper lay her hand on Alex's leg causing her to scream in pain 'FUCK' Jerking from shock Piper widened her eyes 'Oh Alex, I'm so sorry. Are you alright?' Alex groaned trying to hide the pain her sore cuts had caused by being touched.

She hated the afterpain of her cutting, the pain she wasn't able to control like she was with the actual pain while cutting. The self chosen pain gave her control over her own body over her feelings it gave her strength and power being able to have the decision about when and where to be in how much pain, but the aftereffects made her helpless again her body betraying her by hurting her without her wanting it.

'Can I aks you something?' Piper slapped her hand over her mouth when she realized what she just had asked again and Alex threw her an evil glance. 'Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm so stupid today!'

'Today?' Alex asked her teasingly earning a slap on her tigh for it. 'Ahhhhh, fuck Piper. Not the leg!' Alex winced in pain. 'Shit, Alex I'm so sorry, you should stay away from me. I'm not good for you' tears were dwelling in Piper's eyes. She felt so guilty, knowing it was her fault those cuts even existed. Alex took Piper's face between her hands making her look at her 'Hey, Pipes, it isn't your fault, OK! I know you think that, but the cutting problem had been there long before you.' Piper nodded slowly and whiped the tears off her face. 'You wanted to ask something?' Piper fiddled with the sleeves of her shirt before looking at Alex leg 'How does that feel?' she asked so silently it was barely a whisper. Alex eyes had big questionmarks in them 'Being hit on sore wounds?' her voice was half joking half serious. 'No. I mean ...' '…..Cutting.' Alex finished Piper's sentence and the blonde nodded.

Alex sat up on the bed fleeing from Piper's piercing eyes knowing the disabled girl couldn't follow as fast and taking advantage of that made her feel shitty. 'I'm not gonna tell you that!' she stated plainly.

Piper stayed in her lying position giving Alex the space she needed 'Why not?' she was kind of afraid of the answer she might get. Maybe she didn't trust her enough, or she thought she wouldn't understand or be able to handle it.

'It's like telling someone how it feels to be on heroin. I won't do that.' Alex shook her head, gasping when she heard Piper's answer 'Does it feel like being on heroin?' Alex turned around facing Piper again her voice stumbling in disbelief 'You're not telling me you know how it feels to be on heroin, do you?' there was a short silence and Piper stared on her sheets.

'Piper?' Alex asked impatiently piercing Piper with her eyes. 'You had taken drugs?'

'Once' Piper's voice was only a whisper 'With Nicky. When I were thirteen. She had a crush on ... Well she had a crush and wanted to revolt. And we are best friends so... Yeah! Your sister nearly killed us for it' Alex eyes were nearly falling out of her head 'Little Piper Chapman ... You're kidding me right?' Piper just shrugged her shoulders 'So does it feel like it?'

'Why do you think I know how that feels?' Alex voice sounded irritated. 'Well, do you know?' Alex contorted herself in discomfort not willing to discuss her past right now 'Can't we talk about something else?'

'I just want to understand it. You know? I want to know what you feel, I want to know YOU!' Piper pulled Alex back down on her level nearly begging her to answer the question that was spinning in her head for hours now.

'No, it doesn't feel like being on heroin' Alex claryfied answering two questions at a time. 'It's just if you tell somebody how good it feels maybe the person wants to feel the same. I don't want you to do anything like that. Neither cutting nor heroin ... Well heroin again.'

Alex still couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that Piper had done drugs. 'It does feel good? But it must be painful!' '

Yeah but that what it's about. Feeling the pain when you are empty of feelings. It lets you know that you are still alive and existant and at the same time it gives you a feeling to concentrate on when there are five million feelings battling against each other in your head. You focus on the pain and your mind becomes more clear, everything else becomes background. The pain is taking so much of you that nothing else matters in that moment, it interferes every other pain and calms you down. And it gives you absolute control about your own body. You can erase every unwanted pain by adding one voluntarily. It makes you breathe and awake and it brings you back to yourself whereever you'd been before.'

Alex hadn't looked Piper in the eye troughout her whole speech but now she turned to the blonde finding a glow of fascination in her blue eyes. It made Alex regret her words 'But it also is like an addiction. It destroys your mental health you start cutting more often and the cuts become deeper and it helps less and you don't just hurt yourself but everybody around you. You start lying abound scars and wounds and it solves none of your problems. Piper ...' She stared intensely into those blue eyes 'Promise me you'll never do that!' Piper took Alex's hands 'Well under one condition: You'll stopp it. And never do it again'


	15. Chapter 15

'Oh god, sorry' Piper blushed in a deep red when she went into her old room interrupting a make out session between Nicky and Lorna. The dark haired girl's face became even redder than Piper's quickly pulling her shirt back down to where it belonged.

'Maybe I should go again' Piper stumbled in embarrassment not facing the ruffled couple on the bed. 'Yeah you should' Nicky's voice was cold, but nothing against her eyes piercing Piper's like swords of ice.

Lorna layed her hand on Nicky's arm, calming her down before swinging her legs out of the bed 'No. You stay, I'll go!' she stated squeezing Piper's shoulder approvingly before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

'Wow thanks Piper, well done!' Nicky's voice was unnerved and angry. She hadn't forgiven her friend and being interrupted in her make out session with her long time crush didn't amuse her in any way.

'Can we talk?' Piper's voice was begging and insecure. She needed her friend to forgive her, she knew she had been an asshole to too many people the last time and it just wasn't like her.

Nicky just shook her head taking a cigarette off the nightstand and lighting it without even looking at Piper. 'I don't have anything to say to you!' Nicky blew her smoke in Piper's direction showing her how little she cared.

'Okay. But I've got something to say. Can you just listen? Please Nick.' Nicky shrugged her shoulders raising her eyebrows. It wasn't really reasuring but Piper wasn't willing to give up, she knew she had deserved Nicky's cold shoulder, she really had fucked up.

'Nick' she said with a tender loving voice 'I've been a stupid, selfcentered, brainless idiot. I don't know what's up with me! Seems like I'm hurting all the people I care about. First Alex, then Larry and worst of all you. I miss you so much ! I'm such an asshole hurting the most important person in my life. You have all the rights to be mad at me. I let you down and I let you hanging and I've been a miserable friend. I would do everything to make it up to you again, everything.'

Piper breathed hearable, afraid of Nicky's answer. 'Are you finished?' Piper nodded insecurely. 'Well then you can go again!' Nicky raised from the bed heading for the door to lead Piper out but Piper grabbed her wrist begging her 'Please Nick, you can even slap me for what I've done.'

Nicky turned around her hand landing on Piper's cheek leaving a red mark behind. Piper's eyes widened in shock, she had allowed Nicky to punch her but she didn't exspect her to really do it.

'Wow. Fuck.' she held her burning cheek with her hand staring at her friend's face where a little smile were creeping. 'You feel better now?' she asked, still in shock. 'Well, a little.' Nicky answered in a severe tone.

'OK' Piper held her breathe for one second 'Then you can do it again' she closed her eyes waiting for the second slap to come, but it didn't. She opened her eyes slowly looking in a smirking face

'I'm gonna save it up for later.' she stated. The two girls stared in opposite directions not sure of what to say.

'I really miss you!' Piper whispered tears in her eyes. 'Stop crying! Please! I can't be mad at you when you're crying!' Piper laughed at Nicky's words, tears still rolling down her face. Nicky couldn't resist any longer she had missed her best friend so much. She kneeled down hugging Piper tightly, pressing her against her body, her hand resting on the back of Piper's head. 'I love you asshole!'

* * *

><p>'So you and Lorna are finally a thing?' Piper and Nicky lay on Nicky's bed next to each other like they had done a thousand times before. 'Well I guess that for I should thank your assholeness.' Nicky laughed telling her best friend about the kiss the other day. 'And you and Alex?' Nicky turned around facing Piper, brushing her mane with her fingers to get it out of her face.<p>

Piper smiled unintendedly at the drop of her girlfriend's name. Her girlfriend. She still couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that she had a girlfriend now. Nicky smirked 'I guess that's a yes. Well at least she is a star in bed, isn't she?'

Piper's became slits, beaming an angry glance at the ginger 'Shut up!' The picture of Alex and Nicky in bed made her jealous like hell. 'I'm sorry it was just a stupid joke. But I guess that means you and her didn't...'

'No!' Piper interrupted Nicky a bit too loudly 'Hell no. It's only been three days since we found her liing drunken in the mud in the middle of the night. What do you think? That we go for each other right away?' Piper's voice nearly cracked.

'Hey, calm down, P. It was just a question, okay? Alex doesn't seem to be one who waits with those things and I just worry about you.' Nicky lay her hand on Piper's head in a caring manner strokig her hair tenderly.

'What do you mean, she doesn't wait? She told me she'll wait.' Piper's voice was insecure her mind spinning around Alex's hand on her bare stomach.

'Oh so you talked about it?' Nicky sounded more than confused before some light hit her brain 'Ohhhh. I get it. She tried something and you stopped her, told her to wait, huh?' Piper avoided Nicky's eyes, blushing at the fact that Nicky had seen through her right away. 'Hey! P! If she said she'd wait she'll wait, trust her. Forget what I said.' There was a short pause before Nicky took her hand off Piper's head 'Sorry, P, I gotta go!' Nicky swung her legs out of bed to go to the detention she earned today for sleeping again in lesson.

* * *

><p>Piper layed on Nicky's bed staring at the white ceiling while the light was getting darker her mind spinning around Nicky's words about Alex. She knew Alex had had many girls and surely they all were sexier and more experiences and accomplished than her. Would Alex really wait? And how long will she wait? And how long would she have to wait?<p>

She felt some kind of arousal whenever Alex kissed or touched her and a part of her wished she would go further, would undress her, would touch her more intimatedly. But the other part was scared, wasn't ready, was insecure and self-aware.

'Should I worry about you lying in an other girl's bed?' Piper was startled, she hadn't heard Alex coming in. Now Alex stood above her smirking naughtyly. Piper stared at her not knowing what to say not even knowing what to think, she was so afraid that Alex might leave her or cheat on her if she didn't sleep with her.

'Hey, baby, what's wrong?' Alex was confused by Piper's strange behavior. She sat down next to the blonde tucking a strand of hair behind her ear

'Pipes?' Piper grabbed Alex's neck pulling her down to her level capturing her lips in an aggressive kiss forcing her tongue into her mouth her hand grabbed Alex's hair while the other wandered down to Alex ass. Alex pulled away gasping for air

'Pipe...' but Piper interrupted her with another kiss. She fumbled at Alex's pants trying to open the button between their bodies. Alex grapped her wrist in a hurting grip before she could push her hand down her pants forcing her to stopp and pulled away.

'Pipes. What're you doing?' Alex was overwhelmed by Piper's actions not understanding the sudden aggressiveness. 'What does it look like?' Piper was hurt and offended by Alex's rejection. She closed her eyes to stop herself from crying.

'I thought we wanted to wait?' Piper turned her head away her eyes still closed. Rolling off her girlfriend Alex closed her pants before facing the blonde again. 'Hey, would you please tell me what's up?' Piper couldn't stopp the tears from rolling down her face anymore

'Why won't you sleep with me?' she felt so stupid and pathetic lying there crying over the sex she didn't want to have but wanted her girlfriend to want it.

'Because we agreed on waiting? Piper? What's wrong? Why are you forcing this?' Alex stroked Piper's face tenderly wheeping the tears off her cheeks. 'Piper?'

'Why should you wait for me?' Piper sobbed releasing the real reason for her aggressiveness.

Alex took Piper's face between her hands finally understanding Piper's intentions. 'Hey Pipes, look at me. I'll wait for you because I like you and because I care for you and I want you to be happy. Why should I want to sleep with someone who isn't ready? You have to trust me, ok? And by the way I'm nervous as fuck myself.' Alex twirled Piper's hair between her fingers.

'You?' Piper was merely confused 'You are nervous?'

'Yes' Alex smiled tenderly stroking Piper's face with her long fingers. 'I mean it'll be my first time with you. Of course I'm nervous.' Piper's eyes were flooded with confusion before she started to understand Alex's point. It was touching her and giving her courage. She wasn't the only one nervous about this thing. She started to smile like the joker pressing her lips into Alex's

'Alex?' she whispered into the kiss.

'Hm?'

'I love you!'

**Well I temporarily lost a bit interest in writing this story and I don't know if it'll happen again :(**

**So please let me know if you all want me to continue despite my occasionaly lack of ideas. **

**Also I'm not really sure how well this chapter turned out. Tell me if you think it's ok, please !**

**And thank you all for still reading and reviewing :)**


	16. Chapter 16

Piper loved Christmas, she loved the tree and the snow and the magical athmosphere hanging in the air, but this year the air was filled with so much love and secrecies there wasn't any room for festive magic.

She was sitting at her parent's house not listening to the talk between her parents and her little brother Cal. Her mind was constantly on her girlfriend who was now too far away for Piper's liking, considered that she usually just had to leave her room and walk one hundred metres to look in those amazing eyes. They were a couple for a whole month now and she still was as nervous as on their first day, but the same time Alex was so familiar like she was home.

Still she discovered everyday something new about the blackhaired beauty.

She hadn't told her parents about the real reason for her break up with Larry knowing her parents wouldn't be very approving. Her leaving Larry had been a big disappointment to the Chapman family since he was such a good, proper, boring boy. If she had told them that she was now a boob touching lesbian they surely had died from refusing to breathe any longer.

'Piper?' her mother ripped her out of her thoughts bringing her back to the table. Piper felt six eyes lingering on her. 'Ehm... What?'

'I asked you if Nicky will be here on New Years Eve? What is your mind on these days, Piper? You are absent ever since you came from boarding school. Did anything happen?' Piper's mother lay her hand on her's looking at her with this motherly knowing look 'You miss Larry, don't you?'

'What the hell? No, god damnit!' Piper was unnerved by the constant prying of her Mom. 'Piper watch your tone!' her father ranted one of his rare interventions 'This is not what I brought you up to!'

It was true her language had become a bit vulgar since she was with Alex every single day. But she loved Alex's badass attitude and had naturally inherited some of Alex's expressions.

'Sorry dad, can I go to my room? I should call Nicky to talk about New Years Eve. Please?' she used her little, cute, good daughter look on her father, who just nodded. Even if their parents didn't like Nicky and didn't approve for her friendship with the 'ex junkie that mislead her to mainline heroin' they held high respect for the Nichols family and that for tolerated their daughter in their house.

Of course Piper never intended to call Nicky the plans for New Years Eve had been set for weeks now.

'Hey gorgeous' Piper could hear the smiling in Alex's voice like everyday when she called her. It was always on Piper to call because they had agreed that it would be the better way in order to keep Piper's parents from prying anymore as they already did.

'Hey, how was your day? Tell me everything!' Piper was addicted to Alex's voice and she didn't care what she was talking about as long as she could listen to her sexy deep voice, she would even listen to a two hour monologue about the use of elephants faeces to manure corn growing. Listening to her tellling about her day was even better.

'Well, kinda boring. My mom is still hella mad at me for my drinking. So yeah still sitting at home not allowed to leave the fucking house. Not that I'd want to go anywhere else but to you, baby.' Alex chuckled her deep chuckle but Piper knew that that was mostly show. Alex hated sitting at home unable to go anywhere.

'I miss you so much, Al.' Piper drank from Alex's voice longing for more. Longing for a kiss, a touch and maybe even more than that. The distance of the holidays had grown a wish deep inside of her. She dreamed of Alex's touch every night in her sleep and sometimes when she was awake. She dreamed of Alex's hands everywhere on her body. Dreamed of Alex, naked under her blanket, skin on skin with her and she had discovered a wet spot in her pants more than once after those fantasies.

Many people thought she didn't feel anything below her waist but that was a common misunderstanding, because her spinal cord was fully intact so the input was no problem at all. It was the output to her legs that didn't work. And now it was Alex's hand that she wanted to feel down there.

'Pipes?' Alex voice broke through the layer of her erotic thoughts causing Piper to blush. 'Huh?' Piper was glad that Alex couldn't see her right now she would have seen her through right away like she always did.

'Did you listen to me?' Alex asked with a chuckle in her voice. 'Ehm...' Piper's face was red like a tomato showing off her arousal.

'Oh what was your dirty little mind on, hm?' Even on the phone Alex could read her like an open book 'Let me guess you were thinking about my gorgeous lips. And my amazing hands. And my beautiful legs. And my hot ass...' Alex listed all those holy attractive things about her making Piper feel a tingling between her legs. 'And your breathtaking boobs' Piper added whispering causing Alex's fluids to shoot between her legs, too.

'Is that so?' she asked Piper in a seducing tone. 'Oh yes it is!' In that exact moment someone knocked on her door causing Piper to groan unnerved 'I have to hang up.' Piper sighed into her phone before the door opened and her little brother walked in sitting down on her desk placing his feet on her empty wheelchair.

'You can't be fucking serious, Piper. Now?' Alex voice was crackling in unfulfilled desire. 'Yeah I know I'm sorry. Bad timing I guess. I call you back later, OK? I'm so sorry!' Piper glanced evily at her little brother for interrupting her sexy talk with her sexy girlfriend.

'What's his name, Pip?' Cal asked her with a wide grin on his face. Pip had been the nickname he had given her when he wasn't able to say her whole name yet. He thought he had discovered Piper's little secret, never had he been so right yet so wrong with his guessing it made Piper laugh.

'What?' Cal asked offended by Piper's reaction 'Don't tell me there is no guy. You are always absent and hanging on your phone. I know you, Pip!'

Piper grinned widely 'There is no guy.' - 'Now you are lying. You always told me how bad lying is...' Cal was getting angry with his big sister, frustrated by not be taken serious.

'Cal, it's not a guy!' - 'When I lied to mom and dad about my weed you nearly ripped me into pieces.' he was now pacing through the room disappointed by how little trust Piper had in him. 'Cal, it,s not a guy!' Piper tried to drown Cal's ranting grabbing his wrist as he walked by her bed. 'It is not a guy, Cal!' - 'Oh so you are trying to tell me it's a girl?' Cal asked jokingly laughing about his joke.

'Yes, Cal!' Cal's jaw fell to his knees, he needed a moment to wrap his mind around his sister's epiphany.

They stared at each other for a moment before Cal broke out in another wide grin sitting down on her bed. 'Hot!' he stated smirkingly. 'Cal' Piper grabbed his hand closer 'You can't tell Mom and Dad! You get that? They can't know!' she insisted.

'Of course not' Cal looked at her as she had told him he had to breathe regularly to survive shaking his head before he slided closer 'But now spill! Is she hot?' there was a nosy glow in his eyes longing for more detail. Piper laughed ruffling her little brother's hair 'Yeah. She is pretty hot!' Piper lsmiled relieved feeling the sweet release of her outing even of it was only in front of her brother. 'Go on describe her!' Cal begged her.

'I got a picture of her. Wanna See?' without waiting for the answer to her rhetorical question she fumbled her phone out of her pocket where she had put it after her talk with Alex.

She had taken a photo of Alex in the park the day before she had gone home for Christmas. Her black hair were shimmering against the white snow. Her black pants showing off her long legs. She looked amazing and it was obvious that Cal thought the same. 'Her name is Alex'

'Wow, fuck, Pip. She is hot as fuck! Did you two...' he made a clicking noise with his tongue winking towards his sister.

'Cal!' she slapped him on the tigh 'That's none of your business.' Cal grinned his wide charming grin. 'Oh stopp imagining it you dirty little bastard!' Piper glanced at him jokingly causing him to laugh. 'Well I'm gonna let you call that girlfriend of yours.' he winked 'Greet her by me!' he left her room giving her a thumbs up before closing the door behind him.

Piper smiled happily before pressing the recall button 'Al, it's me again.' - 'Hey beauty. So can we go on where we started, kid?' Alex voice revealed that she didn't really expect her to say yes, too well she knew Piper's opinion about this topic and she hadn't been mistaken.

'Al...' Piper sighed, she had a bad conscious about turning Alex down again after turning her on. 'I know, I know. We agreed on waiting but that's so not fair!' Alex was understanding but frustrated nonetheless.

'I know and I'm sorry but guess what. I outed myself to Cal only ten minutes ago.' Piper still felt hyper about her own courage and her brother's reaction.

'What? You serious? Spill!' Piper laughed at the fact that Alex used the same words as Cal had used before.

And they spent the whole night awake chatting about bravery and outings and what might come in the future. It was already getting bright again when Piper told Alex that she really had to sleep now 'Oh and Alex don't forget wie still have to organize the next quarter of the reading project. We have to find more readers and make a time schedule for each of them! Should be the first thing to set up after holidays.' Alex pretended to already be asleep faking a snore.

'Al!' Piper was laughing 'You are a douchebag!' - 'I love you too. Sleep tight.' They kissed through the phone before falling in a dreamless sleep.

**Oh my god ! Thank for your many and kind words you really motivated me to go on with this story so I wrote a whole chapter in half an hour and I think I migh have found some ideas somewhere in my head and in your comments ;)**

**Your words were really stirring (I guess I could get used to this ;) so keep them coming ;)) and it means a lot to me that there are people out there who appreciate and respect my work no matter how many there are every single reader makes me happy :)))))) **

**Kisses for everyone out there :***


	17. Chapter 17

Piper was sitting in Cal's room or better to say in his cave. It was dark and grumpy in there but Piper kind of liked it. For her this was all Cal, it was his way of telling 'I don't give a fuck what people think about me because I wasn't born to make anybody content and I am what I am'.

Piper loved her brother for the way he was and more than once she had dreamed of having the same attitude towards life as him.

Cal's life hadn't been easier than her's in any way and he had suffered from her disability as much as her if not even more. He had been only four and a half when Piper's tumor was found and suddenly his whole world changed.

As much as their parents tried, there just isn't enough room to fully take care of a second child when your first is threatened to die. Of course they had fed him and taken care of his wealth but noone had time or the nerves to play with him or to even explain this scaring illness of his big sister to him.

He had stopped being a little, happy, blithe child at the age of four. Feeling the constant fear in his family he had become a sceptical and leery boy.

When they were getting older he turned out to be a maverick and their parents meant no harm when they didn't want Piper to be constantly reminded at her disability and what Piper couldn't, Cal shouldn't. No soccer, no baseball, not even ice skating in winter. So what should make life easier for Piper became agony for Cal but he never talked back on those forbiddances, that for he loved his sister too much. When Piper found out about his suffering it was already too late.

She tried to be his best friend as much as she could feeling guilty for his stolen childhood. He was such an intelligent boy he had a view on the world that amazed Piper like nothing else. He had his own opinion on things and could explain and argue any single one of them with his very own thoughts. And what came out of his thinking processes was always brilliant for a 14 year old.

Sometimes Piper thought he was the older one. He was so much more mature and intelligent than her. But he didn't care about school or grades because he didn't approve of the system so nearly noone knew what a genius this boy was and he didn't give a fuck if they knew.

Piper loved her little brother so much. He had such a great heart and he still could surprise her. He had been the one who had taught her that every human being had their package to carry around and it had taken her some time to understand what he meant when he said every Person was disabled. But it was true, for example Nicky or Alex and of course Cal, they all had to fight their wars in their lives and all of them had left the battlefield with some kind of disabilities. Alex's cutting for example. Some disabilities just weren't as obvious as her's. Her brother had discovered that long before her.

'Gosh, I'm gonna miss you, Cal!' Piper sighed. It was the last day of holidays Christmas and New Year's Eve went by without any extraordinary events, because Piper's parents wanted to keep an eye on her on this dangerous day, as they called it, and Alex still wasn't allowed to leave the house. So she had celebrated like every year with Cal and Nicky.

She had to go back to boarding school today. As much as she was looking forward to see Alex again as much she mourned for her brother. In the days since her outing they had become even closer to each other.

Cal hugged his sister tightly nearly taking her breath away. 'I'm gonna miss you too little big sister!' he mumbled into her ear making tears roll down Piper's face.

'Hey, Pip. Don't cry there is a hot girl waiting for you back at school. You should be happy and not cry over your freaky little brother.' he tipped Piper against the nose 'If a hot girl was waiting for me, I wouldn't cry a tear over you!' he joked finally getting a little giggle out of Piper.

'I wish you would come with me!' Piper sighed again holding Cal's hand. 'Gee Piper this is so gay' he winked pulling his hand out of her's

'I'm happy where I am. Voluntarily go to boarding school and give up every little freedom I have? I'm not you!' There was a knock on the door informing her that it was time to say goodbye. 'Now come on! We'll see each other soon and now that you've given me your old cell phone we can text each other, OK? Greet Nick from me, tell her I miss her. And greet your girlfriend.' Cal smiled, it wasn't a joke of him he really liked Nicky, maybe she was the only one who knew his potential besides Piper. And Nicky liked Cal, she would had treated her brother for him right away. Piper hugged her little brother a last time before telling him to take care of himself and leaving his room.

Her father was bringing her back to school and Piper was more than glad that her mother had decided to stay at home. At least her Dad didn't kill her with nosy questions throughout the whole three hour drive! Piper was sitting in the backsea,t her head rested against the window and her breath fogged the cold glass.

The white world outside drifted past her in the speed of light and she felt like flying.

Piper had to swallow hard when she thought about the long time she wouldn't see her brother again, she got the feeling that the older Cal got the more she missed him in her daily life. But then there was her girlfriend, her self chosen sister and her home waiting for her in the distance.

Piper looked at the clock on her cell phone noticing the four new messages. She clicked on reading, the first was from Nicky

From: Nick

You gave Cal your old phone? Bitch, I had to buy a new one because you didn't want to give me yours. But cool thing that he got a phone now. Btw when you back?

Piper decided on reading the other messages first before answering.

From: Mr. Caputo

Miss Chapman I hope you had great holidays with your family. Please remember the following quarter of your reading project still has to be prepared. Sincerely Joe Caputo

From: Cal

Hey sis, could you send me nudepics of your girlfriend

From: Alex

Hey baby, When are you here my stupid heart is missing you way too much.

Piper smiled at the last message hitting the answering button instantly.

To: Alex

Yeah my lips feel the same. You are just too good of a kisser. *melt* and my heart of course misses you too.

She decided on not answering Caputo's message since it should just be a reminder to her. She would drag Alex into an organizing conference as soon as she'd be back.

To: Alex

We really have to make the time schedule as soon as I'm back so let's meet at the editorial office in two hours, OK?

She recieved an aswer right way

From: Alex

Moahr.

Piper smiled at Alex's answer she could see the unnerved face of the beautiful girl right in front of her right now. It was amazing how much she felt for this girl after such a short amount of time. She tipped the other answers in her phone before closing her eyes to dream of Alex.

* * *

><p>'Hey Babe' Alex was entering the office 15 minutes late, earning an evil glance from her gorgeous girlfriend. She just ignored it and stepped behind her, kissing her on the top of her head, her hands trailing up and down Piper's arms. She pressed her nose into the blonde hair, taking in the scent she had missed for such a long time. Piper turned her head looking in those marvelous eyes taking in every green pixel. Alex's staring eyes lingered on her face following every line of her features, her fingers touched her lightly like to reasure herself that she was real.<p>

'Al' Piper whispered, cupping Alex's cheek with her hand. Leaning down Alex put her lips on Piper's lightly, the smell of Piper's soft skin let her melt into the blonde's arms. She sat down on Piper's lap straddling her with the arms around her neck.

Piper slung her arms around the girl on top pulling her closer. Their lips were connected to make good for the past weeks apart from each other in one neverending kiss. Their tongues intertwined in a passionate longing for each other. Piper pulled away to gasp for air

'Hi' Alex whispered with a wide grin on her face eating Piper with her eyes.

'Hi' Piper answered giggly, a thousand butterflies were flying around in her stomach. Those kisses still made her nervous as on first day. Alex pulled her close again, pressing her lips on Piper's, she buried her hands in her hair pressing her body hard against Piper's.

Piper jerked in shock when a sound was to be heard outside the door. She stared at the door until the steps departed. 'Pipes, stopp worrying !' Alex took Piper's face between her hands kissing her on her lips but Piper pulled away.

'Alex?' Alex raised her eyebrows at the lack of nickname, being kind of scared of what might come. Piper pecked Alex on her lips 'I want to sleep with you!' Alex eyes lit and the butterflies in her stomach started killing each other with bazookas causing fireworks to explode in her stomach.

'But I don't want to do it in the closet!'

**Yeah, I know you wanted it to happen on New Year's Eve, but I had different plans, I'm sorry :)**

**There will be some Lorna/Nicky in the following chapters, too. **

**Don't be mad at me :) What do you think about Cal ?**


	18. Chapter 18

'Ehm' Alex raised off Piper's lap taking a step back and sitting down on the conference table in front of Piper

'I never intended to get you laid in a closet! A bed, maybe a table or something.' she smirked teasingly. Earning a slap on her finally healed leg, she smirked even harder before turning it into a loving smile.

'Pipes. All I want is to be with you and I don't fucking care who knows. So tell the world when you're ready …. But do it fastly!' Alex winked, taking Piper's hands and they kept staring at each other for a moment before Piper clapped her hands together 'We should get started!'

'Right here? Right now? OK' Alex pretended to pull her shirt over her head causing Piper to gasp and grap for the hem to pull it back down again, not without enjoying the view of Alex's toned, bare stomach.

'I meant the time schedules, stupid!' Piper laughed.

It costed them whole three hours and a lot of self discipline to set up the time schedules, partly because it was pretty complicated, mostly because Alex wasn't a help at all, constantly distracting Piper with her attempts to start a make out session. Her hands were constantly on Piper's body caressing her neck or trying to get under her shirt.

Piper had used Alex's distraction to punish her with the first reading shift the next day. When Alex realized this she cursed, promising to never kiss Piper again ... She kept her promise for whole 10 minutes before she had to give in to those beautiful lips.

* * *

><p>'Wow seems like your girlfriend grew balls over Christmas break!' Nicky rushed in ripping Alex out of sleep throwing something on the blanket Alex lied under.<p>

It was a new phenomenon that Nicky was awake before Alex. Ever since she was with Lorna she woke up in the early morning to meet her girlfriend in the park. To make out, was what she clamed, but she was a passionate stroller, hand in hand through the snowy park with her beautiful girl, talking about god and the rest of the world. Of course she would never admit it, because it would be the kiss of death to her well-kept badass image.

'Oh, I really don't hope so!' Alex groaned over the balls-comment, she hated being woken up by a loud and brightly awaken Nicky. Her eyes barely open, she tried to identify the object on top of her, taking it in the left hand and bringing it to her face. It was some kind of paper and her right hand grabbed for her glasses on the nihgstand putting in on her nose. In the meantime Nicky had seated herself on Alex's desk waiting for her reaction.

It was the New Year's edition of the students newspaper with news and reviews of the last year. And right on the front site was a headline that caught her eye.

"The newest dreamcouples of Litchfield High" and a couple of photos below. She looked who this article was from and her eyes nearly fell out of her face when she saw Piper's name. Was this the reason Piper had stayed in the office for so long after their project meeting the day before?

Nicky's eyes met Alex's giving her an approving look and a thumbs up and finally Alex had the courage to scan the pictures. There were one of John and Daya, the couple of the senior class, and a different from Polly and this guy Alex couldn't remember the name of, Peter or something.

And then she saw it: A picture of her and Piper in a tight embrace. A picture she had taken with her phone a few weeks ago. The first second she didn't know how to react until she finally realized what it meant. Piper had confessed to her in front of all their classmates and the whole school. The same Piper who had shoved her away in the moment of being caught had now shown in front of everyone that she is in love and she is proud of it. This moment was of a rare perfection and Alex jumped out of the bed suddenly awaken.

'Hey, have you seen the one of Morello and me?' Nicky smirked contently, but Alex was already dressed and out of the door. Through the same door a tiny girl entered with dark hair and red lips, looking over her shoulder pointing behind her 'So I guess she have seen it?' Lorna laughed in her high ringing voice making a step towards Nicky who instantly wrapped her arms around the italian.

'Well' she mumbled with her lips on Lorna's neck 'Seems like everybody knows now about us, huh?' her hands rested on Lorna's back trailing up and down with her fingertips.

'Not everbody' Lorna mumbled into Nicky's hair, where she had burried her face.

The two had spent half of their holidays together in Nicky's house where Lorna could escape her chaotic family. Nicky pulled away, looking at her girlfriend with a confused look. 'What's that supposed to mean?' She asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer and really, what came next didn't amuse her in the slightest way

'Well, I want you to meet my parents! They should know who I really am and who I love.' Lorna pecked a kiss on Nicky's cheek smiling happily and turned to go to get ready for school.

Nicky slapped her hands in front of her face, images were playing in her head. She hadn't really daughter in law potential not even her own parents liked her, let alone all the other's parents. Suddenly she became aware of the fact that she had no choice, she couldn't possibly say no to this girl. There was no excuse. She let herself fall backwards on her bed images of the worldwide dreaded meeting with the potential parents in law playing at the back of her eyeslids and with horror in her voice she stated the only thing she was able to think 'Fuck!'

* * *

><p>'Oh my god, Pipes! You really did that?' Alex stormed in Piper's room where an indignant Polly yelled at her for not knocking but Alex just ignored her, kneeling down in front of Piper, taking her face between her hands and capturing her lips with her mouth in a passionate kiss.<p>

'Ehm' Polly looked absolutely confused staring at them like she'd seen two ghosts before shaking her head and leaving the room.

'Why did you do that?' Alex gasped when pulling away for air, her hands held Piper's in a tight grip not willing to ever let her go again.

'I told you I don't want to be in the closet anymore.' Piper smiled relieved about Alex's reaction, she hadn't been sure if Alex would be approving of her sudden action.

'Yeah. But the newspaper?' Alex laughed in disbelief and love. Piper didn't join her laughing but shrugged her shoulders innocently 'Well. What were my options? We couldn't just walk in to school hand in hand.' Piper clarified, kissing Alex on the forehead.

'Why not?' Alex didn't quite understand Problem until Piper told her the obvious 'Ehm, I guess because I can't walk.' then Piper couldn't hold her composure any longer and broke into a laughing fit, for that Alex shoved her against her shoulder. 'You're not a funny person!' she teased before she kissed her again. 'I love you, Alex!' Piper sighed. 'I know!' Alex stated teasingly and they both laughed feeling the sweet release of coming out.

* * *

><p>Walking into school Piper started to feel tremendously nervous. What would happen in there? Alex felt Piper's uncoolness and stepped behind her pushing Piper's wheelchair forward while touching Piper's back with her fingertips and whispering into her ear that it's gonna be fine. And it was fine, most of the guys were giving them thumps up when they walked in and one of them even jokingly encouraged them to kiss now. The girls just smiled at them and an older girl who called herself Boo clapped Piper on the shoulder 'Always knew it Chapman!' she winked before leaving them alone again.<p>

'See!' Alex whispered into Piper's ear. For their classmates it wasn't a big deal, why should it? There had been various lesbian couples before and noone really cared anymore. But there were two things that scared the shit out of Piper: When will their parents get wind of it? And how would Larry's best friend react, who was now coming towards her. She had always liked Pete, but he was an absolutely loyal friend. He came towards her, hand in hand with an unnerved Polly, who still thought of Alex as an supercunt.

Pete kneeled down besides Piper and for a second she thought he might slap her but instead he hugged her and whispered right in her ear so noone could hear her

'Larry was an idiot to let you go! I'm really happy for you!' and with those words he pecked her on the cheek and stood up again, turning to his girlfriend who looked like she'd bitten into a lemon and forgotten the Tequila. Alex had to hold back her laughter while Polly pulled Pete behind her heading for the classrooms.

The halls were nearly empty and the two of them hurried to Miss Fisher's history class. To Piper's surprise Nicky wasn't asleep with her head on her table, but staring at her in a way Piper couldn't sort. As soon as she sat at her table Nicky reached over a piece of paper.

-Mayday! Lorna wants me to meet her parents. What should I do? Help me!'-

Piper had to try hard to hold back her laugh showing Alex the text under the table and Alex face turned instandtly into a grimace trying not to break into a laughing fit. Nicky shoot Them evil glances causing them to grin even more.

Piper wrote - You'll get in your most beautiful dress, cut your hair and put them in a French pleat and you'll look stunning but we have to really work on your manners! - And Alex added with a shit eating grin - Take a camera with you, please! I really don't want to miss that moment -

Nicky looked at the words in horror, scribbleing an answer and throwing the wadded paper at Piper's head. Piper unfolded it -I seriously hate you two! -

Piper threw a kiss to her best friend causing Nicky to jokingly grimace in disgust. Smiling, Piper leaned back in her wheelchair closing her eyes. This day was perfect.

**The closet door is wide open now :) You all know what that means ;) but don't have too much hope ... maybe I'll have to let you wait a bit longer :P**

**Please review :)**


	19. Chapter 19

1 o' clock was coming close and Piper and Alex were sitting in the bus into the city heading for the children's hospital. Alex's first time reading for the project was nearing but the nervous one was Piper. Like always Piper was escorting the first time reader but this time she wasn't really calm and were fumbling at the ends of her sleeves.

Alex lay her hand on Piper's, unnerved, to stopp her from fidgeting.

'Wow you must have great trust in me!' she said, her voice was bugged. Piper was driving her crazy with her uncoolness and Alex was nearly exploding by now.

'Why don't you just stay at home instead of annoying me?' Alex grumbled before Piper grabbed her hand.

'I'm sorry baby. I'm just very very nervous. I don't know why!' Alex sighed, standing up and helping Piper out of the bus when they finally arrived at the hospital.

Piper tried to remain calm while guiding Alex to the infirmary on the fifth floor where the children would be waiting on them in a big room with beds for the kids who were too weak to sit in wheelchairs.

The doors of the elevators opened and Alex walked to the nurses' room without hesitation, Piper trailing after her.

'Hey I'm Alex' Alex introduced herself to a young blonde nurse called Nancy 'I'm here for the project'

Nancy checked Alex out from head to toe. It was quite obvious that she liked what she saw and she didn't try to hide it. 'Alex' she said in a flirty tone stepping closer to Alex, inappropriately close, taking the hand Alex had offered her.

'Hi Alex... very nice to meet you!' Alex subconsciously licked her lips. She didnt want anyone but Piper but she liked being hit on, it was just part of her nature.

Piper was raging in her inside from jealousy by now and interrupted the cheesy scene with a cough, glancing madly at her girlfriend.

Alex smirked, she liked it when Piper became jealous it was kind of hot and aroused her.

Nancy handed Alex a form about hospital hygiene to read and sign. Most of the children were immumosuppressed and had high risk to die from infections, that for they must wear face masks and desinfect their hands properly. Nancy kept staring at Alex the whole time until Piper lost her patience. 'Can we go now?' she asked unnerved, her nervousness was forgotten.

Alex handed the signed form back, took the handles of Piper's wheelchair and began pushing it towards the hall. Piper slapped Alex's hand away 'I don't need your help!' she snapped angrily.

Alex laughed at the jealousy in Piper's voice and walked into the hall. 'Wow' Alex stopped suddenly taking in the sight in front of her. About twenty children between four and twelve were sitting in wheelchairs or lying in beds. I.V. poles were standing next to the beds and some peeping machines.

Most of the kids had no hair, some of them wearing hats or scarfs around their bald little heads. They seemed so tiny in their pyjamas, most of them were pale and skinny but all of them without exception had a excited glow in their eyes watching every move she made. They were strong and positive in their weak state.

'That's not fair' Alex stated loudly more to herself than anyone else causing Piper to gasp, she knew those kids hated pity but Alex surprised her like she did so often.

Her voice wasn't pityfull or sad it sounded jokingly stubborn as she crossed her arms over her chest. 'You all brought your chairs and beds with you. And where am I suppossed to sit now?' a few of the kids giggled and a brave little boy called 'You must stand!' pointing at her. He started giggleing even louder when Alex eyes widened in acted shock.

'Nah' Alex shook her head as if he had suggested to stand on her head and lean against the wall.

'Can I sit beside you?' Alex asked a little girl who was sitting on it's bed and her little eyes began to glow when she began nodding her bald head like mad. The little girl with the bright green eyes was called Lara, Piper had met her parents a few times before and they had told her that Lara suffered from leukemia ever since she was two years old, now she was five and still fought the disease day by day. A smile lit on Lara's face when the big girl with the beautiful voice sat down beside her.

It took Alex exactly three words of reading 'the little prince' until all children hung on her every word. After four words nobody could take his eyes off her lips, that produced this beautiful sound that went right through your body to the very depths of your heart.

After the first sentence Lara crawled on Alex lap snuggling into her, head on Alex's chest. The raven haired beauty hold the little girl as if she had done this a million times by now. There was no fear of contacts with the deadly deseased girl in Alex's behaviour. She was all natural around these kids and it was touching to see how she could win those little hearts within three seconds. Piper would have given everything to sit where Lara sat right now but at the same time she deigned the little girl the moment in these warm arms.

A feeling flashed Piper's body and in this one moment the whole world was perfect, she was so full of love and maybe she loved Alex more than ever right now. Never had she met such beauty in a person and her heart nearly exploded in love for this girl, who were able to put a smile on those children's faces.

Alex read and took them all into a different world.

The white sterile room turned into the desert, where the storyteller had crashed with his plane. The I.V. poles became the little prince's rose that was always accompanying him in his heart. The peeping monitors turned into the plane that needed to be fixed. The children turned into the shining, laughing stars that would always remind them at the little prince.

Alex voice was the well in the desert and they all were drinking from it.

When Alex was finished reading, it took a few seconds before everyone returned from the world her voice had created. The children started clapping their hands and Piper joined their applause not able to take her eyes off the beauty. 'This is MY girlfriend, this stunning amazing gorgeous girl wants ME. Of all the people in the world she had decided to love ME.' Piper thought it like a mantra trying to make herself believe.

The children, now back to the real world, started to go back to their normal activities. Some of them were brought back to their rooms or to therapies while others started talking or playing with each other. Lara crawled off Alex's lap and made her short way over to Piper. She was strong enough to walk some steps all by herself at the moment, what was a rarity. She stood beside Piper's wheelchair tiptoeing, grabbing Piper's armrests to balance herself. When she was close enough to Piper's ear she whispered with her tiny giggly voice 'She is perfect'

Piper smiled warmly nodding her head, her eyes still resting on her girlfriend 'She is!'

On their way back Piper clung to Alex like a drowning on a liferaft. 'I never loved you more than today' Piper whispered into Alex ear, squeezing her hand in a hurting grip her head on Alex's shoulder. Alex turned her head, pecking Piper on the head

'Any plans for tonight, yet?' she asked smirking. Piper's eyes lingered on her face while she slowly shook her head. 'Now you have' Alex winked helping Piper out of the bus '8 o' clock, my room!' she kissed Piper on the lips before she run towards her sister's office next to the big doors of the boarding home.

Piper looked on her phone checking the time. 4 hours until their appointment and her stomach was already packed with angry hornets flying around. The butterflies she felt usually when around Alex were nothing to the nervous feeling she had now. 4 hours.

**Sorry that it took me so long to write this :( But I tried to make this chapter meaningful.**

**Tell me what you think, guys. **

**Great holidays to those of you who celebrate and great days to the rest of you, too :)**

**Please review **


	20. Chapter 20

'Hey Lex, what can I do for you?' Diane smiled brightly when her sister walked into her office closing the heavy wooden door behind her.

Alex smiled back and walked around the ernoumus desk and placed herself on top of it. She put her feet on the armrests of Diane's chair. Diane sat between Alex's knees, lying her elbows on Alex's legs and resting her chin on her own forearms. Her green eyes were bound upwards, keeping her look on her beautiful little sister's face.

'Di, you gotta do me a favor!' Alex voice was shaking her nervousness breaking through her badass facade in front of her sister. Diane lifted her head off her arms with a grin. She had a clue what would come next, actually she had waited for this conversation to happen for days now.

'I gotta? And what kind of favor do you have in mind?' Diane asked innocently.

Alex fiddled at the ends of the sleeves of her white shirt, unknowingly copying one of Piper's nervous habits. She felt uncomfortable talking about sex with her big sister. Well, not sex in general, normally that was no problem at all for her, but now she had to talk about sex with Piper, someone she loved and that was something new and made her nervous as fuck.

Diane had fun watching her sister torturing herself in uncomfortableness, mostly because she already knew what would come, but also partly because it was amusing to see Alex's facade fall into pieces. She knew her little sister too well and she hated when Alex tried to act in front of her.

Alex wasn't used to the borders of boarding home when it came to sex. She didn't want her sister to catch her and Piper like she nearly had done when she had been sleeping with Nicky. But asking her to stay out costed her a lot of strength.

'Well. It's because of ... Ehm...' Alex was never more lost of words than at this very moment.

'Piper?' Diane suggested, still grinning from ear to ear. 'Yeah, well, about evening checking ... Well' Alex mentally hit herself for being such a dork.

'You want me not to check on you and leave you alone?' Alex nodded carefully, afraid of her sister's answer 'And you want me to allow Nicky to spend the night somewhere else.' Alex nodded a second time.

'You know I'm not allowed to say yes to this.' Diane raised her eyebrows with a stern look in her eyes. Alex's shoulders sunk in disappointment.

'Di... You can't do this to me.' she started begging, a thing she hated to do. Diane didn't even try to hide her shit eating grin, she wanted Alex to suffer a little bit. 'So you want to have sex with your girlfriend and need my permission?'

Alex was unnerved, knowing her sister wanted to annoy her but she tried to play cool. So she devotedly nodded her head.

'Hm ... Why don't you just do it during daytime when there aren't any checkings?' Diane knew her little sister and she knew how much Piper meant to her, but she wanted her to say it out loud.

'Because that's fucking unromantic! And it has to be something special, ok?' Alex's voice had raised in desperation giving her sister the satisfaction she was waiting for.

'And why is that?' she teased. 'Because I fucking love her.' Alex yelled throwing her hands in the air in a non-Alex-like melodramatic manner. Diane couldn't help her laughing fit any longer. 'OK, baby, I'll accidetally forget to check on you but now get out of here.' Diane moved her chair backwards and Alex's legs dropped to the floor making her nearly fall from the desk.

'Actually I wanted to ask you for a second favor!' she stated crossing her feet on the desk.

'Feet down!' Diane ranted pointing her finger at Alex's legs placed on her desk. 'I need your help!'

'With sex, I thought with your experience ... ?'

'With preparing a setting, stupid!'

'Watch your tone!'

* * *

><p>Lorna lay crying in Nicky's arms on her bed. Her head on Nicky's shoulder who's shirt was already wet. Nicky trailed her fingertips up and down Lorna's back, trying to calm her down.<p>

'I can't believe this!' Lorna sobbed hysterically at Nicky's shoulder, who tried to soothe her with soft kisses on her head.

'I can't believe it!' Nicky nodded 'I know, baby. I know! But you've got to give them time honey.' Lorna sobbed even harder clinging on Nicky's neck. 'You have to understand them. They expected a prince in a white shining armour, now their little princess is getting laid by the dragon. The FEMALE dragon!'

Lorna had called their parents that morning to tell her about Nicky and that she wanted them to meet her. Their parents hadn't reacted the way Lorna had hoped. Her mother had stopped talking to her immediatly giving the phone to her husband who had screamed and ranted that he didn't pay boarding school for 'that' and then hung up the phone.

'But I love you!' Lorna cried out 'They should be happy for me!' Nicky sunk her nose into Lorna's hair, taking in the sweet scent. She held the tiny girl in her arms, not able to pull her as close as she'd like to.

'I love you, too!' Nicky was so scared to lose this girl. In front of her she could lay down all her weapons and break down her barricades she had built in front of the world. 'Everything is gonna be ok, I promise!'

The door was opened carefully and Alex stepped in, looking at the devastated couple on the bed.

'Hey, Lorn? What's wrong?' Alex looked from Lorna to Nicky in an asking manner, but Nicky just shrugged her shoulders, not knowing if Lorna wanted to spill her problems. But Lorna turned around, moving herself in a sitting position to face Alex. Alex eyes widened in shock when she saw Lorna's red face and her swollen eyes.

'My parents.' Lorna sobbed wipeing the tears off her face 'they don't talk to me anymore!' she let herself fall back into Nicky's arms unable to cope with the pressure.

Alex shook her head looking askingly at Nicky who pointed at herself like to show 'it's all my fault' 'Fuck' Alex stated lying her hand on Lorna's back to soothe the tiny brunette a little bit.

'Hey Lorn' Alex made the girl look at her 'It's gonna be alright. Parents are stupid sometimes, but they love you. How could they not, huh?' she hugged Lorna tightly 'You are a wonderful person. And they know that!' Lorna seemed to calm down a little bit and Nicky looked grateful at Alex, trying to smile.

'It's gonna be alright girls!' Alex smiled reasuringly.

'But what do you do here?' Nicky asked 'Why aren't you with your girlfriend?'

Alex shrugged her shoulders, not wanting to reveal her request given their situation, but Lorna didn't accept a no. She took one of Alex's hands.

'Spill' she said. Alex explained her plans to them and the two of them said yes without batting an eye.

When they left the room two hours later Nicky let Lorna leave the room before she turned around once more pointing a finger towards Alex's face. 'When you hurt her, pressure her or harm her in any possible way, I'm gonna break every single bone in your body. Got me?' her voice didn't leave room for arguing and with that said, she stepped out closing the door behind her.

**So I know there is no Vauseman, but the next chapter will make that up to you, promised :)**

**Please review :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**I'm sorry sorry sorry. It took me reaaaaaally long this time, I know. But I'm at my familie's at the moment and I've got really no time for writing right now. I hope you forgive me :)**

**And happy new year, by the way :***

'Al' Piper moaned trying to rip off the blindfold over her eyes but Alex slapped her hands away

'I hate surprises!' Piper whined, her heart was beating in her throat making her voice shaking and high. Alex laughed putting two arms under the blonde's body and lifted her out of her wheelchair. Piper felt her girlfriend taking a few steps before she was settled down on a stack of pillows.

'I'm already disabled, no need to make me also blind' Piper ranted in her nervous state.

'Oh you're such a Drama Queen, Pipes!' Alex laughed.

Piper felt a weight on the pillows beside her when Alex lay down close to her. 'You're ready?' Alex raspy voice still let her get goosepumps over and over and a shiver ran down her spine at the sound of this tender tone.

Alex unknotted the blindfold slowly revealing the surprise she had prepared with a little help from her friends. Piper's eyes grew wider than wide. She lay in an ocean of pillows and everywhere around her the floor was covered with flowers in all shades of red and yellow and pink, making it look like they were in the middle of a flower meadow but the light was kind of dim and it took Piper a moment before she could make out where the light was coming from: there were millions and millions of tiny lights hanging down from the ceiling.

Alex had put all the Christmas lights under the ceiling to resemble: 'Starlit sky' Piper whispered 'We are lying under the starlit sky' Piper's eyes were glowing when she took in all those details around her making her world a perfect place this moment. Right behind them was a tent with sleeping bags in it. 'Well so we can decide spontaously if we want to sleep in the open air or rather in the concealment of a tent' Alex smiled unable to take her eyes off her beautiful girl.

'Oh my god. It's perfect. You are perfect!' Piper rolled around facing Alex, nearly drowing in those green depths of her eyes.

'You have no clue how much I love you. No fucking clue.' Alex fingers wandered over Piper's face, down her neck and her arm, finding their destination on her hip to pull her body closer. Her eyes marveled at the blonde's beauty. She still hadn't understood the way Piper broke through every layer of her facade and could wrap her hand easily around her heart. Noone had ever been able to come only near to that.

But Piper had a way around her that gave her the feeling of being home right from the beginning. The was a way around Piper that made Alex like herself again.

Piper brought her hands up to Alex's face, caressing her sensitive skin with tender. 'You want to drink something?' Alex whispered. She had bought champagne but Piper was already drinking from her eyes, Alex being the dwell in the desert again.

Alex felt Piper's soft lips on her own kissing her with so much tenderness she nearly melted. Piper took Alex's hand, leading it towards the edge of her shirt until her fingertips were touching the inch of bare skin between her pants and her shirt.

Caressing the skin, Alex started kissing Piper's neck open mouthed, she licked along her jaw while her hand was playing around Piper's belly button.

Alex lifted her head looking Piper in the eye. 'Baby' she whispered 'if this is too fast for you, we could still wait, it's OK, you know?'

'Don't you want it anymore?' Piper's voice was insecure, afraid that she might have done something wrong.

Alex gasped 'Gosh, of course I want it!' she had waited for this to happen so desperately and now she wanted it to be perfect.

'Then stopp talking' Piper demanded pulling Alex close again, pressing her lips onto Alex's, their tongues playing around each other, Alex rolled around until she lay on top of her girlfriend pushing her down with her body. Alex's hands wandered under Piper's shirt making her get goosepumps instantly while she was sucking on Piper's pulse point.

Piper had her eyes closed moaning silently under Alex's touch. She felt Alex's hands over her bra and on her stomach, felt her tongue wandering down from her neck to the upper part of her breasts and one of Alex's long beautifup legs between her own.

She pressed her body into Alex's trying to get as close as possible. It wasn't the first time that they had touched each other that way but this time it was different, this time IT would finally happen. They kept kissing and touching each other with so much passion and desire like nothing in the world was existant.

Piper's shirt was off only a few minutes after and she desired Alex's skin on her own. She pulled at Alex's shirt until Alex helped her pulling it off, her bra following immediatly. She sat now obviated on Piper's lap looking at the wonderful girl.

Piper marveled at the sight of Alex's beautiful breasts in front of her and touched them softly like she was scared to make something broke.

Alex laughed at Piper's carefulness 'Touch them properly!' she teased, lying a hand over Piper's, leading her to massage her boob. Alex moaned silently under Piper's touch with eyes closed and mouth open and it made Piper feel the wetness rush between her legs.

She pulled Alex close again who instantly opened her bra one handed behind Piper's back.

'Should it scare me that you are so skilled at this?' Piper asked, but Alex shut her up by kissing her deeply, their bare breasts were touching each other and Alex's leg slid between Piper's again. Piper moaned pressing her hip towards Alex, feeling the pressure of Alex's tigh at her centre.

Seeing Piper in this aroused state made Alex soaked in a matter of seconds, she rolled off Piper to get access of Piper's pants. Fumbling the button open she let her hand carefully caress the skin over Piper's panties, earning another silent moan. 'Can I undress you?' Alex asked, still carefully watching every sign Piper made. Piper nodded.

When Piper lay there naked, Alex couldn't take her eyes off her anymore. 'You are so beautiful' she whispered letting her fingertips wander over Piper's stomach and tighs. She lay down, half lyiing on Piper again and began kissing her breasts, licking over her erected, sensitive nipples. Piper's hands were in Alex's hair trying not to lose hold to this world. She moaned now without realizing it, her body fully exposed to this marvelous girl on top of her, but she felt so comfortable absolutely trusting her lover.

Alex hand were stroking Piper's knee, wandering closer to her centre inch by inch while her own panties were already sticking to her body. Touch me, Piper begged silently, her heart was racing and her breathing was heavy. Never had she felt such arousal.

When Alex finally reached Piper's centre she was welcomed with a layer of hot wetness. Alex moaned when touching Piper and feeling her arousal. She had dreamed so often of this moment but the reality was much better.

Alex kissed Piper on the mouth once more before she slid down until her head was next to Piper's pussy. There it remained watching her own fingers slide through Piper's folds in amazement.

Her fingers and eyes were exploring every corner of Piper's sex like she had never touched a girl's parts before. Her finger slid through the soft slit, collecting as much wetness as she could gather and dispense it all over Piper's lips that were soon glistening from wetness, being even more beautiful than before.

She could smell and hear Piper's arousal and couldn't help herself from licking Piper's juices off her finger, moaning loudly at the taste. Piper grabbed her other hand, holding it tightly, when Alex started scooting her fingers over the already soaked sex of her beautiful girlfriend again. She found Piper's clit with her fingertips and started gently rubbing it while kissing and licking Piper's belly.

Piper couldn't keep silent anymore and moaned Alex name in pleasure. Luckily the old castle walls were thick and kept noises in the rooms.

'Oh. God. Alex' she moaned. noone had ever touched her down there other than herself and never would she let anyone touch her down there but Alex from now on.

Alex watched her finger entering Piper's tight channel. It was hot and amazing to watch how her finger magically disappeared in her girlfriends body and it stirred her to no end that nobody had ever been in her before.

Piper pulled at Alex's hair until the raven haired girl was next to her again and she started kissing her passionately, tasting herself in Alex:s mouth.

'You're in me!' Piper moaned, when Alex started moving her finger inside of Piper's hot, soft, wet tunnel. Her thumb was rubbing Piper's clit and she felt the walls starting contracting.

Piper was close to her first non-selfproduced orgasm and she felt her juices already pouring out of her, down her legs and soaking the pillow under her. Alex pressed her lips on Piper's to hush Piper's moans and screams and Piper moaned her orgasm into Alex open mouth.

Alex held her while she was shivering, placing hundreds of kisses over Piper's face before burrying her nose in Piper's hair taking in the scent, that smelled like home.

They stayed in this position until Piper had calm down from her high again. Then Alex slowly removed her fingers, wrapping her arms around the blonde girl, feeling her body so close to her own.

'I love you' Alex whispered.

**I have no clue how this turned out. I guess I'm really bad at writing sexy scenes -.-**

**So I have no idea if you want me to go on with this story or if this is a good 'happily ever after' chapter? Should I continue, add some trouble again and stuff or do you want this to be the happy ending ?**


	22. Chapter 22

It was late after more kisses more sex and more I love yous, but they still weren't willing to sleep yet.

They were lying naked and satisfied on the pillows under the sky Alex had created. For these hours nothing was existant but them.

Piper caressed the skin of Alex's beautiful long legs. Following the lines of her scars, she had no fear of touching them anymore, they were a part of Alex just like her soft hands or her green eyes. Piper drew the pattern of the scars with her finger on Alex's skin

'Do you still feel the urge sometimes?' Piper's voice was silent but not from insecurity, she felt absolutely safe and content around Alex right now. She kept her voice low to keep everything shared between them a secret to the walls around them.

'Yes' Alex answered examining the work of art she had created with a blade on her skin, like on a canvas. 'Everyday!'

Piper had to swallow hard at these words. She had hoped that she might have healed her Alex since she had seen no single fresh cut on Alex's body since this terrible night months ago. The fact that she still had the wish to hurt herself was devastating for Piper.

'Hey' Alex put her hand under Piper's chin, forcing her to look at her 'That's not your fault. Addictions like this don't dissappear from day to day, OK? Yes I miss it, like I miss the alcohol. I miss controlling my own body! Ever since you're Here' she pointed at her own chest '... I can't controll anything. Not my heart, not my brain, not my body. That scares me like shit' Piper's eyes were filled with sadness but on Alex's lips lay a lovingly smile 'But I'm learning to enjoy that.' she lay her lips on Piper's forehead taking the blonde in her arms. 'I love you' Piper whispered.

* * *

><p>A week had come and were gone after their first time together and the daily life had it's grip on them. Several tests were on their schedule and Piper was constantly distracted from learning and it drove her crazy.<p>

It was Monday and Piper tried to read some of her politics stuff again on their way from boarding home to school. But Alex, who was pushing her wheelchair, was blabbing with Nicky and Lorna, making it impossible for her to concentrate on the words in front of her.

The path between the castle and the schoolbuilding was about 500 metres long, leading over the great yard in front of the castle and through an avenue between tall oaks which were still covered in a thick white layer of snow. The sun was throwing a speckled pattern of light on the ground where the three pairs of feet and one of wheels where fighting through the snow.

'Gosh, guys. I'm so gonna fail this fucking test because of you!' Lorna laughed at the ranting blonde, everyone knew Piper never failed any tests.

Luckily the tiny italian had recovered a little bit from the shock her parents' reaction had caused in her and she had found her smile again, although she still suffered from the lack of contact with her parents. Her sister though had called her the same day, telling her that she still loved her and that she was totally with her. That had calmed the girl down a little bit.

Piper sighed and stuffed her notes back in her bag.

'So guys. It's been more than a week and you still haven't told anything.' Lorna slapped her girlfriend against the shoulder while Piper blushed in a deep shade of red. The week since their first time had been exciting, Alex had dragged her into several bathrooms during schoolbreaks trying to get into her panties and Piper hadn't always been strong enough to resist the temptation.

Alex's smirke revealed that she knew exactly what Piper was thinking about right now.

'Dirty bastards' Nicky grunted making them all laugh.

In the meantime they had reached the schoolhalls chatting and laughing like on most of the mornings. Piper had her head turned and looked Alex in the eye while Alex was stroking her face, they nearly bumped Piper's wheelchair into Nicky when she suddenly stopped. 'Fuck'

Alex lifted her head but she couldn't make out what had caused the sudden stopp. She saw Piper's eyes growing wide, staring on the nearing guy who looked angry as fuck.

'So it's true? You're a fucking pussy eater now' he yelled, his eyes glowing madly. Automatically Alex stepped in front of Piper to shield her from the frantic boy, who she already thought to know who he was. 'Out of my way, fag!' he yelled, shoving her away so she fell to the floor. He was standing now right in front of Piper staring her down.

'What ...' she stummered 'Wh... Why are you here, Larry?' Piper hadn't thought of his existance for what felt like months. Seeing him now and here, confused her more than words could say. And it scared her.

'You are such a bitch. For how long have you been fucking that whore, Huh?' he looked like he was going to slap her 'How long have you been cheating on me?' before he could take further action, Pete, who had been standing next to him when they had arrives, grabbed his arms behind his back and dragged him away under his constant ranting.

Alex who was still sitting on the floor, feeling paralyzed, woke up from her frozen state and grabbed the hand Nicky had offered her to help her up. Finally realizing what had happened the last few seconds she started to shoot killing glances into Larry's back.

'I'm gonna beat the shit out of him!' she hissed and Nicky just nodded angrily but she wasn't thinking about beating him up, more of ripping his throat open and pulling his fucking heart out through his trachea and then feeding it to a dog and then shoot the dog and then...

But before the two girls could Carry through with their plans, Piper grabbed a wrist of each of them shaking her head slowly 'Please, don't!' she whispered with begging eyes.

She felt bad for Larry. The silent, peaceful Larry who was hurt so much by her. She had betrayed him, had kissed Alex before breaking up with him and hadn't even told him the truth. 'Please, don't!' she repeated.

They stared at the blonde, Lorna stroking her hair, the other two were trying to make out what was going on in Piper's head.

'Inside, girls. We're writing a test!' Caputo sing-songed behind them, waving his papers in front of them with a grin.

Piper stared on the test lying in front of her on the table, but it could have also been written in swahili. She couldn't concentrate and Larry was sitting in the front row. She still had no clue why he was here. Only when Caputo took the test from her, she realized that the whole hour had passed already. She hadn't written a single word. Fuck.

**There he is again. Yes I know you hate him, but come on, what is orange without some Larry-trouble ;) **


	23. Chapter 23

Alex was standing on the teacher's parking area, smoking a cigarette. Piper had an appointment with a new reader in the hospital and Alex needed a few moments alone after this morning.

She felt the smoke in her lungs, imagining her alveoli turning black.

Her back was leaning against a red car, her eyes lingering on the back entrance of the schoolbuilding. And it felt like a bad movieplot when the door was opened and no other than fucking Barry and Pete stepped out. They were a hundred metres away and Harry had definitely noticed her standing there.

She flipped her cigarette into the white snow and turned around to go, she had absolutely no interest in a confrontation with this fucker.

She felt a hand closing around her wrist in a deadly hurting grip and turned around facing the smaller guy, Pete was already gone.

'Don't you fucking touch me!' she hissed pulling her arm away and shooting him evil glances. Larry lifted his arms in a surrending manner, innocence in his eyes.

'What do you want?'

Larry just shrugged his shoulders eyeing her from head to toe 'You're tall!' he stated. Alex looked at him in disgust and disbelief 'Yeah, I've been told!' she barked unnerved, her wrist hurt. Larry nodded and opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but he didn't.

Alex lit another cigarette 'You didn't come here and grapped me to tell me that I'm tall. What do you want?' Larry's eyes turned darker and his false innocent smile disappeared. 'I want you to fucking stay away from Piper, bitch. She's not like you. She's no dirty fag.'

He breathed between his teeth, his hands were turned into fists. Alex couldn't help herself and started laughing, what made Larry even angrier. Alex pushed her glasses to the top of her head. 'What the fuck? What are you talking about? I guess Piper knows best what she wants'

Larry laughed a coldheartet laughter before he turned silent again and took a step towards the taller girl, coming too close to her. He had to look up to look her in the eye and that made him even more aggressive, like a little combat dog, ready to fight.

'Listen' he hissed 'Piper is a sweet, innocent girl' Alex had to grin at the word innocent, pictures of her not so innocent anymore girl popping up in her mind.

'She is just confused by your sick, pervert seduction. Admit it, you have been working on her right from the beginning' his eyes were challenging her to put up a fight, but Alex just rised her perfect shaped brows, lowering her voice a bit and leaning down to Larry.

'I?' she asked 'Are you fucking kidding me? SHE... Kissed me! SHE... Outed us! And damn' Alex grinned 'SHE... was the one who fucked ME yesterday in the editorial office!' Alex sighed, licking her lips, eyes closed. She knew it was a bad idea to provocate him but she just couldn't help herself.

'Well, guess she had been really starved out, huh? So what was I supposed to do, how could I have resisted her seduction. Come on we both know what she's like in bed!' that of course wasn't true, she knew Piper had never slept with Larry, but it was just too tempting.

The punch in her face surprised her more than it should have, given the circumstances. She was backed against the car and had no possibility of getting away from him. His being smaller he had compensated with the moment of surprise. And the second punch ripped her off her feet.

She felt a warm stream out of her nose, her eye was pulsating and she tasted blood on her lips.

* * *

><p>'Heavy shit!' Nicky grunted, throwing her jacket to the ground and placing herself on her desk. 'Do you think she's gonna be ok with it?' Polly had told Lorna that Larry was back at Litchfield because his dad had sold his business after an offer he could not say no to.<p>

Lorna sat down on Nicky's bed, facing her girlfriend, who's eyes were full of worry. Lorna knew how much Nicky cared about Piper and sometimes it made her kind of jealous, not the "she could betray me" kind of jealous, but the "I will never be the most important person in her life" kind of jealous.

Nicky sighed, scratching her nose 'She had struggled so long with her sexuality. And she hasn't even told her parents, yet.' she reached in her pocket, fumbling out a crumbled pack of cigarettes and throwing in into the bin, when she realized it was empty. 'I'm worried that Larry's reaction will make her crawl back into the closet.'

Lorna rised from the bed, taking a few steps until she stood right in front of the ginger. She lay her hands on Nicky's tighs, stroking them softly.

'I didn't. And she won't too.' Lorna mumbled, leaning her forehead against Nicky's, who slung her legs around the tiny girl's waist to feel her closer against her body.

'Hey' Nicky whispered, her eyes were full of helpless pity, she felt guilty for what had happened 'I'm proud of you and your parents will be, too!' Lorna pressed her soft lips onto Nicky's letting her feel all her love, she layed her hands on the ginger's back, pressing her body into Nicky's.

The soft badass girl returned the kiss passionately, letting her fingers caress the skin on Lorna's back under her shirt.

'Remember the first time I kissed you' Lorna teased into the kiss, trying to ease the situation. As much Nicky had been happy to finally be with her crush as much it ruined her badass ego that it hadn't been her who had made that step and Lorna loved to provocate her with that fact.

As soon as she felt Nicky's back stiffen, she backed away from the kiss and tried to run but Nicky was faster, throwing her onto the bed. Laughing and squeeking Lorna tried to escape Nicky's attack but the ginger was also much stronger than her, throwing her onto her back, straddling her. Nicky tilted her head to the left side looking down on her beautiful girl 'Will you stop being naughty?' she shook her indexfinger in a jokingly threatening manner.

'Yes Mam' Lorna answered trying to bei serious but failed immediatly.

Her laughter got stuck in her throat, when suddenly the door were opened.

'Fuck' Nicky stated, she still sat straddling on her girlfriend and felt like she couldn't move for a second, then she stood up, jumping off her bed. Lorna lay paralysed on the bed for a second before she sat up, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear that got stuck between her lips.

Nicky kneeled down in front of Alex, who sat on her bed now. 'Fuck' she said once more before she carefully opened Alex's wet jacket helping her softly to doff the bloody dirty thing and threw it on the floor. She didn't ask what had happened, she already knew.

She carefully took Alex glasses off her nose, placing them carefully on the nightstand. Lorna, who had been watching the whole scene stood up and fumbled a pack of tissues out of her pocket, handing it to the ginger.

Nicky pressed the tissue against Alex's nose trying to stop the bleeding while examining the swollen eye that were turning blue already. 'What a fucker' she mumbled, taking Alex's wrist, that was also turning blue from Larry's grip, to lead her hand to her nose. 'Hold it' she demanded while she took a waterbottle of the floor wettening some of the tissues.

She cleaned the blood off Alex's face, cleaning her chapped bottom lip. 'We should desinfect this' Nicky looked at her girlfriend, who nodded and ran towards the bathroom where the first aid box was.

'Did he punch you in the stomach?' Nicky asked, afraid that they might have to go to an ambulance. Alex just shook her head and looked at Lorna who came back with the desinfect spray and a confused Piper.

Nicky took the spray. 'OK that's gonna burn' she sprayed some of the desinfect on a tissue to clean Alex's lip. Alex winced under Nicky's touch 'FFFuck' was the first thing she had said since she was here.

'What have you done?' Piper had woken up from her state of shock and to the surprise of the others her voice sounded reproachful. 'What...' Alex had to find her voice first 'What have I done?' she didn't believe what she just heard. 'I'm sitting here, bleeding and all you ask is what I have done? I met your stupid Ex!' Alex voice was angry, the day had been too much for the rven haired girl.

'Yeah I can see that! I am asking you what have you done to him? How does he look right now? Did you beat him to a pulp?' Piper was angry, she couldn't believe the soft, harmless Larry would beat somebody up. It must have been her badass girlfriend who had begun the fight, and she had clearly taken some hits, too, but Larry a thug? No!

'Fuck you Piper! Fuck you for thinking I started this!' Alex just shook her head.

'You are such an asshole sometimes!' Nicky stated, shocked by her best friend's reaction.

'You should better go.' Lorna tried to step between Piper and the two angry girls, she was no fan of fights but this time she knew Piper had overstepped the border. 'You heard what the lady said!' Nicky stated, stepping behind her girlfriend, putting her arm around her waist. Piper looked at Alex but Alex didn't look at her so Piper turned on her wheel and left angrily the room that wasn't hers anymore.

**So, here's some drama again ;) We all know Piper can be a bitch, so here she is bitching again ;)**

**Please review**


	24. Chapter 24

Piper didn't sleep much that night. She lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling that were dimly lit by the lanterns outside her window.

All she could hear was the wind outside that were whistleing round the castle and Polly's steady breath. Her mind was spinning, Larry was back and he didn't even need a single day to drive a wedge between her and Alex. She knew she loved Alex and she knew she never wanted Larry back, but she wasn't sure if she could be with someone so aggressive, someone who reacted to a fight with violence.

She had known Alex's anger against the world, had seen the prove of it in the thousands of scars on Alex's skin but it shocked her that she turned her violence now against another person than herself.

Piper tossed and turned in her bed, she hated to fight with Alex. She always felt empty and incomplete when she was arguing with her girlfriend, like she was a puzzle with a missing piece.

They hadn't even wished each other good night, which was an absolute first in their relationship, but Piper was still too angry. Angry that Alex had put up a fight with her exboyfriend, angry that she had won Lorna and Nicky over to her side, angry that she didn't walk after her.

When she finally fell asleep it felt like 5 minutes before her alarm went off. It was still dark outside and Piper felt like she was the only human on earth, she felt like a million miles away from Alex and the rest.

'Come on Piper, wake up!' Polly turned on the light without premonition, reminding her of her existance, causing Piper to pull her blanket over her head, wishing she would really be the only human on earth. Polly ripped the blanket off her bed, giggling before she left for the bathroom.

'I hate you' Piper mumbled meaning not only Polly but the whole world right now.

* * *

><p>Alex's head hurt like after an alcohol binge when she tried to open her eyes, her left eye was swollen by now so she nearly couldn't see anything. She sighed in pain sitting up in her bed.<p>

Her heart nearly dropped when she saw her sister sitting at the footend of her bed.

'Good morning sunshine.' Diane's voice was cold and waiting for explanation. Alex looked at her roommate, searching for help. Nicky, who had come back from her daily morning walk with Lorna that second, lay her hand on Diane's shoulder.

'It wasn't her fault, OK?' Diane spun her head madly. 'Oh, I am amazed how everbody seems to know why my sister looks like after a fight with a bulldozer. Nonetheless I'd like to hear the story by my sister herself.' she had stood up during her angry rant, stepping right in front of the ginger girl. Alex could just watch.

'Well just if you allow, Miss Nichols!'

Nicky took her hands up in surrender, similar to Larry the day before. She glances Alex a pityful smile and left the room backwards. Diane spun her head to her sister again, arms akimbo, brows raised, waiting.

When Alex just stared silenty at her bruised wrist, Diane lost her temper. She threw her arms in the air, unnerved, rolling her eyes 'Could you be so gentle to tell me what happened and why do you look like this?' Diane tried to remain calm.

Alex hit her fist on her blanket, furious before she stood up off her bed pacing through her room

'Why is every fucking body asking ME? Huh? What the fuck, man. Ask this fucker of a jew.' Alex yelled madly 'He fucked me up, OK!' Alex hit her hand against the wall, a sharp pain shooting through her hand but she ignored it, starting to pace the room again. Diane grabbed her shoulder, stopping her from walking around or hurting herself, shoving her against the door.

'First thing! You stopp talking to me like that! Watch your tone or you'll gonna get a problem with me, feel me?' her voice was rigid and loud, showing her sister, who was also her ward, the boundaries she was overstepping right now.

Alex bumped her fist in the door behind her causing Diane to grab her uninsured wrist pinning it against the door. 'Calm down!' she warned her little sister. 'What makes you so angry, Huh?' Alex turned her face away but stopped fighting 'It's not like you would believe me anyways!'

Diane let go off Alex's hands and took her face between her's instead, making Alex look at her. 'Why would you think that?' her voice was soft now, her loving eyes searching for an answer on hey little sister's face. With her thump she whiped away a tear, that had rolled down Alex's cheek. Alex just shrugged her shoulders, her anger turning into sadness, she pushed her glasses to the top of her head 'Well, Piper didn't.'

* * *

><p>Piper looked into the mirror, she had dark circles under her red eyes. She looked like shit. And that was still an understatement. None the less she turned the mirror her back, leaving the school bathrooms. She had left boarding home earlier to avoid meeting the others on her way and she knew how immature she was right now.<p>

The halls were now packed with pupils, the air filled with the daily chatter. People passed her by, greeting her when they saw her, if even possible her relationship with Alex had made her even more popular.

And then she saw him, alone, head down, he lifted his gaze for a second as he walked by her but fastly looked away again and rushed through the crowd. She had seen his face just for a second but it had been long enough to see his swollen eye. He didn't look as bad as Alex but it was the prove that she had hit him, too. On the other hand Alex had never denied hitting him back.

And there she was coming. Other than Larry she held her bruised face high and Nicky was walking behind her like a bodyguard. She was beautiful, despite the bruises. Alex really tried to ignore Piper but she failed and Piper couldn't bare the hurt look on her face. She grabbed Alex's hand when she was walking by but Alex pulled her hand away, glancing angrily at her.

'Can we go somewhere to talk?' Piper asked subdued, her eyes were begging. Alex shrugged her shoulders, she was still too angry. 'You can say what you've got to say right here and now!' Her voice wasn't as cold, as she intended it to be.

Piper felt like sitting in a house of glass, feeling like every movement she made could break everything and the shattered pieces of her relationship would cut right through her heart. 'I'm sorry' she whispered 'I should have listened instead of blaming you!' Piper's eyes were getting wet and she stared on the floor, afraid of Alex's reaction.

'Yeah you should have!' Alex's voice was still nearly freezing cold but at least she was talking to her. Piper lifted her gaze to look her girlfriend in the eye, ocean meeting forest. And Alex couldn't resist any longer, too much had she missed her girlfriend the past hours, if she weren't that devoted to this girl she would have laughed about herself, so pathetic.

She took her girlfriend's hand between her's.

'He had started it, didn't he. He is such an asshole. You just had to hit him back. I get that now.' Alex's face changed from relieved about her girlfriend's apology to confused. She pulled her hand away again. 'Hit him back? I didnt hit him back! Did he told you that bullshit?' She sounded angry again.

Now Piper's face turned confused, too. 'Well he didn't exactly have to tell me! His bruised eye spoke for itself.' Piper was becoming angry again she didn't understand why Alex would lie to her.

'I didnt hit him back i just said that' Alex's voice was getting louder.

'Girls, well, thing is...' Nicky tried to interrupt them but was interrupted herself with a 'Stay out of our business!' out of two mouths. Nicki just shrugged her shoulders and left the two fighters.

'So what are you trying to tell me? That he hit himself?' Piper spat out. Alex laughed a cold hearted laughter 'Yeah well maybe he did. I don't fucking care but it wasn't me. do you trust him more than me?'

The air between them was getting thin. 'At least he isn't trying to tell me that you hit yourself. That is so absurd!' Piper was now yelling at her girlfriend. Alex raised her eyebrows pushing her glasses up to her head

'Like you said before he is an asshole' she stated 'Who knows how many fights he has a day. But if you don't believe me then fuck you. I don't need a girlfriend who doesn't trust me.' With that said she turned her back and walked away.

Piper bumped her fist on the armrests of her wheelchair, watching her girlfriend leave. She couldn't believe how this turned out again everything was so fucked up right now.

That exact moment her phone rang ripping her out of her angry bubble.

When she read the name on the display she sighed. This was going to be a long long awful day.

* * *

><p>Nicky's plan had been to walk into Piper's room tell her the truth, tell her what a stupid asshole she was right now and walk back out. But her plan immediately changed after the walking in part. Her best friend was sitting on her bed, phone in her hands and crying her brains out. She didn't even notice Nicky coming in.<p>

Nicky scratched her nose, unsure of what to do, a crying Piper hadn't been part of her plan. When Piper noticed Nicky's presence she started to cry even harder, if possible. The ginger made a few insecure steps towards the bed, her hands in her pockets. 'Hey what's wrong with you? Bad news?' Nicky sat carefully down on Piper's bed and the blonde let herself fall into her arms immediately, burying her head in her best friend's lap.

'Hey shh. Is it about Alex?' all the anger was forgotten and worry was written all over Nicky's face. Piper shook her head, sobbing. 'Tell me what happened?' Nicky was nearly begging, the crying piper made her nervous and insecure, she had seen her friend crying a lot in the past years but never like this. She thought Piper would never stop again. And it really took nearly half an hour until Piper was calm enough to talk again. Meanwhile Nicky was just sitting there stroking her hair, trying to comfort her.

'My parents know!' Piper said with a bleating voice, lifting her head off Nicky's lap. Her blue eyes were swimming in tears while Nicky's eyes were full of confusion. 'Know what?'

'Everything. The failed politics test. The real reason why I left Larry. And even that I have slept with Alex in the editorial office.' It was only that much Piper could manage before she fell back into nicky's arms. Nicky's eyes grew wide, not believing what she just had heard.

'You slept with Alex in the editorial office?' Piper lifted her head, glancing madly at her best friend.

'Sorry, just have to digest that for a moment !' Nicky shook her head

'What the hell, how do they know that?' The two of them looked each other in the eyes for a second before they said it out of one mouth: 'Larry!'

Flashback:

Piper looked at the name on the phone for a second longer before she pressed the green button.

'Hi mum. Sorry I've got no time, lesson starts in 5 minutes.' the floors were already emptying out, just a few late comers were hurrying throuh the halls. 'You have time! I talked to your headteacher, you have the day off!'

Her mother's voice was alarmingly cold, lighting red lights in Pipers head.

'Why? What happened ' Piper's alarmed voice sounded weird in the now empty halls.

'When were you going to tell us that you have now intercourse with this lesbian girl. You are gay now? Is that what this is all about. You want to be something special?' The cold hearted laughter kept ringing in Piper's head she felt like hit by a train.

'What? How... how... how do you know?'

'Oh so it is true.' there was no real surprise ringing with those words at all. 'So I guess it is also true that you find it appropriate to have lesbian sex in a school room? Is this what I brought you up to Piper Chapman, a pervert?' Piper's ears were burning red in shame when she heard her mother talk about her sexual intercourse with Alex 2 days before.

Until now she had thought that this moment of intimacy was a sexy little secret behind her lover and herself. But now she was sitting in the school halls talking about her pretty active sex life with her mother on the phone.

She took all the bravery 'I wanted to tell you long time ago. I ...well, I just didn't know how. I don't know if that makes me a lesbian but yes I love Alex.'

Laughter was heard through the phone, a laughter, that Piper knew didn't reach her mother's eyes. 'This is totally ridiculous! You are not gay Miss Chapman! You don't even know what love is.' her mother's voice was getting louder 'I won't accept this immature teenage rebelion phase. I know kids your age want to shock their parents, but Piper, this is totally out of the question! You will end this abnormal relationship right now.!'

Tears were dwelling in Piper's eyes, she was hurt and angry, feeling like somebody pulled the rug out of under her feet. But before she was able to say something her mother went on 'And like that wasn't even enough, that girl makes you fail your school tests. This is unacceptable, I will not allow you to end as a vagabond! Your father and I agreed, that it is the best decision that you will come home. This boarding school is doing no good anymore, there is just too much low life. I've watched this long enough now, You will come home.'

Flashback end

'Wow fuck, I can't fucking believe he did this. I should have beaten him even harder, like beat the shit out of him.' Nicky's voice was aggressive, her hands grabbed the blanket so hard, that her knuckles were already turned white. It took her all her strength to not raise and ran to him to rip his head off his shoulders.

'Wait! What? You? His bruised eye? That was you?' the film that had been playing in Piper's head the past hours, changed suddenly in a whole different movie. 'Fuck, Nicky, No you aren't fucking telling me that this was you.' Nicky's guilty eyes confirmed Piper's suspicion.

'Yes ma'am and he fucking deserved it'

'Fuck, Nicky are you aware that Alex and I are having a huge fight over this? Like the biggest fight in our relationship'

Nicky turned her head to look her best friend dead in the eye. 'Hey, don't you fucking dare push this on me. It'ss not my fault that you don't trust your girlfriend. You didn't believe her even before you saw Larry's eye. I did what had to be done and to be honest it should have been fucking you to do this because, Fuck! Girl, if someone would beat up my girl like this no matter why, I would fucking kill him. So you should rather thank me! And by the way, this isn't the biggest fight in your relationship, not even close.'

Piper could not believe how everything could have become such a mess.

'So what is the plan now?' Nicky raised her eyebrows in the typical vause-manner, trying to be pragmatic about the situation. But Piper just shrugged her shoulders

'Well, I guess there is no plan. Not this time. I already talked to my dad. I don't think there is a chance that they might change their mind. I never experienced him agreeing with my mum like this in all my life. Not even after the heroine incident.' Piper's voice drooling from sadness. 'They want me to come home, they even set up a date already. I guess this time it's for real. I only have one week left!' Piper sounded hopeless and tears were still running down her face. It left Nicky speechless, this was like her worst nightmare coming to life.

**I know I needed too long for this. But I had a bunch of exams in January and now I'm fighting with a huge writer's block. So I really don't know, when I'll be able to update, but I'll do, no matter how long it takes ;) **

**I'm really sorry for the long wait.**

**But please review, your reviews are the best motivation to keep going :)**


	25. Chapter 25

**Surprise! I'm back ;) well I know I haven't written anything in months but now I'm trying to go on with this story, if there are enough people, who are still interested :)**

Piper and Alex hadn't been talking in two days now and both were miserable. Piper knew she had fucked up and she knew she had to make it up to Alex somehow, but her brain was so fogged with the thoughts of her parents deporting her that she couldn't think of a way to apologize to her girlfriend. She had asked Nicky to keep quiet about it.

Now they were sitting next to each other in the class room, trying to avoid each other's gaze. Piper couldn't stand it any longer, she knew the tears would start rolling in a few seconds and she didn't want to have her breakdown in class. With her last strength she excused herself, mumbling something about a headache before she left the classroom, tears already dwelling in her eyes.

* * *

><p>She were crying alone once again in the school bathrooms and when she heard footsteps outside the door she was absolutely sure they would just pass, but the steps stopped in front of the door and for some seconds nothing happened, as if the person outside had to think twice before entering, silence filling the air, then the door opened and her girlfriend walked in.<p>

They looked each other in the eye, noone knowing what to say. Alex crossed her arms in front of her chest, leaning against the bathroom door, waiting for Piper to explain. The blonde was sitting in her wheelchair, tears running down her face, a fact she didn't even notice since this had become her natural state the past days.

Alex sighed, she wanted to be mad, she wanted to be cold and waiting for Piper to come around, but she just couldn't stand watching her girlfriend like this. Mainly because she figured it wasn't only their fight that Piper cried about, Nicky had given her a few hints about how there were more important things right now. And Nicky was surprisingly down these days, herself.

Alex sighed once more, forcing herself to close the gap between her and her girl. She kneeled down in front of Piper making her look at her, Piper tried to turn her gaze but Alex held her between her soft hands. 'Tell me.' was all she said in her husky voice, that was all that was needed to provocate the total nervous break down that was dwelling in Piper ever since the talk with her parents. Tears ran down her face and she could barely breathe, she was sobbing and trying to speak at the same time, she panicked , thinking that Alex might never forgive her and the words got stuck in her troath when she started to hyperventilate.

Alex knew Piper would faint from hypocapnia if she didn't stopp her from breathing, so she did the first thing that came to her mind. She leaned in an pressed her lips onto Piper's to keep her from breathing on.

At first Piper started to panic even harder, since she felt she couldn't breathe anymore, but then she felt Alex's soft hands caressing the skin in her neck, felt what she had missed so much these past days and felt her heartrate slowing down again. She started to kiss the lips that sealed her own, the presence of her girlfriend calmed her slowly down and she let herself sink into that literally breathtaking kiss. Without even noticing she started to breathe again, and she felt alive for what felt like the first time.

When Alex broke the kiss, Piper had nearly stopped crying. She looked into the green depths of her girlfriends soul, suddenly aware of what was on the lose and anger and hate began swelling in her chest. 'I fucking hate my life' she hissed between her teeth causing Alex to rise her eyebrows, waiting for explanation.

'I am such an asshole to you. And Larry is a fucking stupid super asshole and I will fucking rip his nuts off when he ever touches you again' Alex had to try hard not to smile to this, she kind of liked the angry threatening Piper, it was kind of hot.

'And my Parents. Well, fuck my parents.' Alex rised her eyebrows, she had the feeling that this sentence brought them to the exact core of Piper's recent behaviour. It was not like Piper to let a bad word slip about her parents. Herself? Ok. Larry the douchebag? Why not. But her parents? Never!

'What happened with your parents, Pipes?' it was amazing how she could suddenly flip back to feeling so close to Piper again like nothing could ever come between the two of them. And it scared her to no end how inevitable Piper was for her.

Alex held Piper's face between her hands wiping a tear off with her thumb. 'They know!' Piper sounded so weak and helpless and she looked so tiny, sitting motionless in her wheelchair with now empty eyes.

Suddenly they were ripped out of their trance by the jarring sound of the schoolbell and a second later the halls were abuzzed with chatter and laughter. Alex knew there would be a bunch of girls flooding this bathroom in a few minutes standing in front of the mirrors with their eyeliners and lipsticks, giggleing and talking about their boycrushes.

She sighed and looked helpless at Piper. 'Come on. Let's go.'

'Where to? Lesson's gonna start in 15 minutes!' Alex tried to remind her girlfriend, who only answered with: 'Well, fuck lessons!' angrily, nothing she could care less about.

'Fuck lessons? Who are you and what have you done to my girl?' The first girls were already lining up in front of the mirrors, throwing nosy glances at the lesbian couple. Piper stared back at one on the younger girls until she blushed and looked away, what caused Piper to nod satisfied, she hated those nosy girls.

* * *

><p>They were sitting in the park, near the spot where they had kissed for the first time. Alex was sitting on a low stonewall, her feet placed on the armrests of Piper's wheelchair who's head rested on Alex's knee. They both were crying, aware of the short time they had left. It was already wednesday and saturday would be there too soon. Alex was fondling Piper's hair, trying to soothe her but nothing seemed to help this time and she felt like breaking apart herself right now. The past few days without Piper had nearly killed her, she had to fight so hard to not start cutting again, she had no clue how she should survive when Piper was gone.<p>

'Thre n brng apt' Piper mumbled on Alex lap, her voice still muffled by tears. 'What?' Alex couldn't help laughing for a split second, then she turned silent again, drowing herself in the wet blue of her girlfriend's crying eyes.

'What did you say?' Piper lifted her head off Alex's lap anger rising in her eyes and voice. 'They are not bringing us apart.' she hissed 'Noone. Not Larry and definitely not my parents. I don't care what they say or how much distance they put between us! I won't give up on us. Fuck all of this. Fuck Them.' her eyes were now burning on fire and she suddenly looked so tall 'I'm not gonna let them drag me away from you!'

'So what is the plan?'


	26. Chapter 26

Wednesday and thursday had passed without them finding a real plan. Now was friday evening and all of them were sitting in Alex's and Nicky's room. Nicky and Lorna, Alex and Piper, even Poussey and Trish. And there was this fat-assed elephant in the room in the form of Piper's packed suitcases. The past few hours they had spent discussing several ideas of how to prevent Piper's leaving, while the sun were dying outside her daily unattended death.

Every idea had begun with 'How about ...?' and had ended with '...can't do that'. But the silence that filled the air right now was packed with grieve, depression and hard, cold realism. There was no way for Piper to stay and they all knew it.

* * *

><p>'Are you asleep already?' Piper whispered through the dark. She was lying in Alex's arm in her bed, breaking at least a hundred rules of boarding home policy, but Diane didn't even try to seperate them in their last night. 'I don't think I'm going to be tonight.' Alex's voice was deeper than usual, thickened by the lumb in her throat and the stone in her heart, that seemed to drag her down in a big black hole of lone emptyness.<p>

'It's only a year.' Piper whispered, not sure if trying to convince Alex or herself, a bit of both, she guessed. 'One year until we're finished with school and then they can't hold me anymore. We're gonna move to Boston or San Francisco or LA or I don't know.'

'How about Venice?' Alex whispered, her lips pressed against Piper's forehead, breathing in the scent of home. 'We will survive this year, OK?' Alex nodded, she was too afraid to use her voice, afraid of it's weakness, afraid that it might break, that it might reveal her own desperation, because she knew she couldn't deny it in front of herself anymore, if she heard it. She was trying hard not to cry again but when she felt Piper's lips on her own, the tears were starting to roll down her face again. She tasted the salt on Piper's lips where their teardrops were mingleing with each other.

The picture of her blood mingleing with the red wine on the white floor flashed through her brain. The white bathroom in which she had been sure she would die, the numbness, the dark and the cold. And suddenly the whole past year passed her in a matter of seconds. Her arrival in boarding school, and how she fell in love the second she saw Piper. Piper constantly fighting with her boyfrind. Their first kiss down in the park, their first big fight, after Piper pushed her away in front of her big sister, the sex with Nicky after this drunken wasted night, she barely could remember. Piper's letter, the most beautiful words anybody had ever said to her, followed by the hardest, gruelst words anybody had ever said to her. Her lonesome, drunken night under the bridge, her last cut. How they finally became a couple. Christmas break, her longing for Piper's body and finally their first time after her first reading in the hospital. And just shortly after the best moment of her life, there was the way down. Larry coming back, beating her up, tearing them apart. And the feeling she could never live without Piper again.

She broke the kiss slowly, tears still rolling down her cheeks 'I knew it' she whispered, her voice half smiling, half crying. 'What?'

'Never Fall in love with a straight girl.' Alex was the only person in the whole wide world who could make Piper laugh even when she felt like falling apart inside. She pressed her face into her pillow to shut her laughter down, trying not to wake Nicky.

* * *

><p>When the alarm went off at six on saturday morning both of them had barely slept. Piper's eyes felt like they were too big for their orbits from crying, her whole face felt swollen and her limbs felt numb from tiredness. Alex next to her didn't look any better than Piper felt. Her one eye was still black from Larry's fist and the other had such a dark circle under it that it looked nearly the same. Without saying a word the two of them crawled as close together as possible trying to get as much warmth of each other as they could get. It was Diane who finally took heart and sent them out of bed. But she looked so pityful and sad herself. It was hard for all of them to accept that Piper would be gone in a few hours, she just belonged to boarding home.<p>

The whole morning went by in dreariness, everyone came around sometime to say goodbye. Only Larry was hiding himself from everybody all morning, especially from Nicky and Alex since he knew it would be his last day on earth if he walked into one of them today. When Piper's parents arrived at 9 o' clock most of the students were more than relieved, because the mood all around boarding home was so dark and sad, it was tearing them all down.

Alex and Piper had decided to show her parents that they could never bring them apart right from the begining, so when the car arrived in front of the castle they were already standing there, side by side, Alex's hand clinged on Piper's shirt, who had her hand placed on Alex's waist. The dismissive look on Piper's mother's face, when she got out of the car, almost made Alex laugh if there hadn't been a thin layer of disgust under it. She couldn't stand that someone was looking at her perfect girl like this, she felt Piper tighten the grip on her waist as if she wanted to tell her to keep calm.

When the backdoor of the car opened, Piper's grip became so tight that Alex had to wince a bit, she threw her girlfriend an evil glance but was completely ignored by the blonde, she just stared at the guy who had climbed out of the car. So Alex examined the blonde boy, too, he was tall, not as tall as her, but he surely weighed twice as much.

He was not fat or anything, he looked more like a huge teddybear and his eyes were full of love, charme and wisdom.

She knew right away who he was, so when Piper screamed 'Caaaal!' it only affirmed her assumption. 'Piper' Cal buzzed with his beary voice, leaning down to hug her. While hugging her, he lifted her halfway off her chair so she looked for a second as if she were standing on her own. That picture of Piper's little brother, lifting the weight of his disabled sister to make her stand on her own feet for a few seconds was sad and touching at the same time. Piper had tears in her eyes burrying her face in the space between her brother's neck and shoulder, breathing in his scent.

Placing her back on her chair he kneeled down in front of her, examining her from head to toe to see if she were all right. 'Cal, what are you doing here?' Piper whispered, while he whiped away her tears. 'You'll See!' was all he said with a wink of his eye before he stood up again. 'You must be Alex! The devil who seduuuuuuced my innocent sister!' he said in a spooky ghoast tone waving his hands in the air in a childish manner before he grabbed her and pulled her in a hug. At first Alex was shocked but then she just had to laugh.

'I get why you went gay for her!' he winked towards Piper 'She's hot! And fuck, she smells good!' They all had to laugh, Alex already liked this boy.

'Cal, Piper! Please come now, we got to talk to the headteacher. Now!' Carol Chapman was noone to joke with and she was already heading into the building where Caputo had his second office.

Cal shrugged his shoulder, looking more amused than annoyed, he clapped Alex on the shoulder and followed his parents.

'Why do you have to talk to Caputo?' Alex asked slightly confused, she had thought everything was all settled by now and it strechted the goobye, which was already hard enough.

'I have no idea! Maybe some paperwork.' Piper took Alex's hand, pulling her down until Alex kneeled in front of her. 'You wait for me?' she asked, her forehead leaning against Alex's. 'Always!' Alex whispered, making Piper chuckle a little 'I meant, will you wait for me in your room? I will come to you before we lea... well, when were finished in the office.' it was so damn hard to think that in a couple of hours she would be so far away from her love.

'I will!' Alex kissed Piper on the head and then signalled her to follow her parents as well.

She watched while Piper left and her heart broke a little bit, she had no idea how she should survive watching Piper leave for good.

'That'll tear me apart' she whispered, scratching her leg through her jeans.

**So you've all been waiting for the plan but ... there is no plan :O **

**Please, don't start hating me now ;) and thanks for the many reviews, they really motivate me ... kisses :***

**And a little question: what do you like better, should I make the chapters longer and therefore need more time for the chapters or is it better to update more often with short chapters, like I did so far. **


	27. Chapter 27

Nicky and Lorna were sitting in Lorna's room to give Alex a little space on her own and to have some space to themselves. Nicky hadn't talked much that day, after Alex she was surely the one who suffered the most from Piper's leaving.

Piper was the first friend she ever had, she was her sister, her family, she was the cure to almost everything for her. And she hated Piper's parents for taking this cure away from her, for taking her family and she hated Larry even more for what he did, for what an asshole he was. She never liked this guy and now he had proven her right and so she had promised herself she was gonna make his life a hell, every single day.

Lorna watched Nicky eating up herself inside for a while until she walked over to her sitting down on her lap and hugging her as tight as possible. She knew there was nothing she could say to make things better, not for Nicky, not for Piper, not for Alex, so she just stayed silent, trying to be there for them.

She would miss Piper, too, of course, and she felt sorry for her, but at the same time she felt jealous. It was stupid and gruel and she felt bad about it but Lorna just couldn't help the thought that at least Piper's parents loved her enough to want her at home, while her's just had stopped talking to her, when she was in the exact same position, and she was sure that she wouldn't have been so hurt if her parents got her back home than she was now.

But of course she also knew it would sound coldhearted if she said that. So she just kept quiet hugging her girlfriend, who cried on her shoulder. And a thought crossed her mind, like a sharp knife: Would this soft girl, who always tried to be so badass also cry if it was her who had to go, instead of Piper? Would Nicky miss her girlfriend as much as the girl who was like her sister? Lorna shook her head, forbidding herself this kind of questions.

Nicky looked at her with asking eyes and Lorna just kept looking back at her until the ginger asked 'What are you thinking about ?' Shrugging her shoulders, Lorna brushed her hands through Nicky's wild mane 'Just can't believe that Piper won't be here anymore' she lied, not able to say what was really going trhough her mind right now.

'Fucking adults' Nicky grunted, being angry as always against the power of the elderly. They had the power to send them to boarding school, they had also the power to take them back whenever they wanted, no matter what was important to them and they had the power to make you feel worthless just by stopping to talk to you like Lorna's or parents or showing you they were ashamed of you as their child, like Nicky's had done it all her life. Nicky burried her head on Lorna's shoulder when the door opened.

'Gosh, here you are. I've been looking for you everywhere. Are you coming down now. Mum is getting impatient, they want to leave.' Cal stood there in the doorway smirking, waiting for his second favourite sister to realize who he was or, better to say, that he was really there.

'Cal?' Nicky gasped 'I had no idea you were here!' she was already running towards him, sinking into his hug. 'Yeah, no wonder, when you are hiding yourself the whole day.' the big bear laughed, not letting go of Nicky 'Hi Lorna!' he waved his big hand towards the tiny girl. He knew her from the few times when he had vitsited his big sisters. 'Now come.' he laughed happily, as if he couldn't wait to have his sister back at home, and he was already halfway out of the room, his steps were heard through the halls. Lorna stood up from the bed, taking Nicky's hand and dragged the sad looking girl down the halls.

* * *

><p>Alex lay on her bed staring at the ceiling where the christmaslights were still resembling the sky outside. She hadn't had the motivation to get them down to the cellar again and since it also still reminded her of their first time, she didn't want them to rot somewhere in the cellar until somebody needed them the next winter. She had decided that they were her's now. Her silent reminder of her big love. As if she could ever forget this blonde angelic devil.<p>

She had stolen her heart, warmed it up from the freezing cold of her life, then ripped it apart and glued it back together more than once. She was her passion, her obsession and she would be the big black hole in her life as soon as she were gone.

Alex sighed, scratching her leg again. Her scars had starting to itch again the last two days. It was like a gruelsome joke, successfully trying to remind her that soon she would be alone again, feeling empty and numb. Remind her how she used to win over this numbness. And for the first time in months Alex was afraid of herself again. Afraid of what she might do to herself if she weren't able to keep controll over her mind.

Not able to sit still anymore Alex started pacing through her room, lighting a cigarette. She was kind nervous like before an exam, ohe she wished that only that were the reason for this impatient, anxious feeling inside of her. She would have written any exam without hesitation if that had made Piper stay. Losing Piper was worse than all the exams of this world together, it made it hard for her to breathe, giving her the feeling of choking, so she hurried to the window, ripping it open, throughing her cigarette out and trying to breathe again. When she finally had calmed a little down and were able to breathe again, she looked outside and saw Cal walking out of the building, followed by a depressed looking Nicky, who was holding hands with Lorna.

In her own devastated sadness she hadn't thought for a single second how Nicky must felt and suddenly she felt so selfish and angry at herself. She knew how close Piper and Nicky were and that Nicky had been there in Piper's life long before her. She knew Piper was Nicky's family and when she were gone Nicky would be as desperate as her. How could she have been so selfcentered ?

In that exact moment the door opened behind her and Piper came towards her, dragging her down to her level and hugging her as tight as possible. Neither of them said anything for a few seconds, they were just clinging at each other as if their lives depended on it.

'Come. We should go down there . My parents don't wanna get into traffic jam.'

Alex sighed pulling her girl into her arms once more before they headed towards the car outside, slowly, as if they could prevent what was coming if they only were slow enough.

But of course they couldn't. Soon they were standing, or in Piper's case sitting, next to Cal and the girls. Their parents were already sitting in the car, so the couple did what they had to do. Alex kneeled down in front of Piper again, taking her face between her hands, pulling her so close to her face that she could feel her breath on her face, she smelled Piper's sweet lips, waiting for her to close the gap. The blonde moved her lips forward the last few inches, sealing Alex's with a kiss.

First the kiss was soft, they just kept pressing their lips onto another withouth moving. Feeling their softness, taking in the other's scent. Piper pulled away, making a grimace 'You've smoked!' she said, but there was no blame in her voice. She closed the gap again, now kissing her love with open lips, tasting what was pure Alex, the cigarette taste was just part of it.

Alex wanted this kiss never to end, so when she heard the engine of the car already starting, she was getting even angrier at Piper's parents, than she's been before. She considered it gruelsome that they put so much pressure on them to hurry up their goodbye, while it was hard enough already. She pulled Piper close one last time when she saw the car moving at the edge of her visual field. She stared bewildered at the car driving out of the yard, down the road and around a corner.

Nicky had the same look on her face as Alex and it made Piper laugh freely for the first time in days, Cal who was still standing beside her joined her laughter, lifting bis arms and chanting 'Surprise'

* * *

><p>Hours later they were sitting in Alex's and Nicky's room that was now also Piper's room again since her old bed in Polly's and her room was already given away to a new girl named Brook. So she had to move back to her old room, which she did with pleasure. Cal was there too, and he would stay, not in their room of course but at boarding home, actually he was the reason why Piper was here and not sitting in a car on her way to far far away.<p>

'OK, so I still don't get it!' Nicky shook her head, her eyes had never looked so confused. Cal laughed his thunder like laughter before he started telling his story. 'Well, Monday at school we got this test.' he scratched his head smiling at his big sister who layed in Alex's arms, half sitting, leaning her back against Alex's chest and looking like she was in heaven.

'And, well' he was a little shy to talk about what happened 'it went a bit, well, it went not good. And mum was yelling at me half the afternoon, so afterwards I was angry and' he paused 'frustrated and shit.'

He paused again, waiting for Piper to rebuke him for his language but she was either too happy or too used to vulgar language by now to say something about it, so Cal carried on. 'OK ,so I smoked like a ton of weed and then there were these mushrooms from a buddy of mine. Well, long story short: I ended up dancing on the roof.' he blushed a little 'naked.'

First they all were silent but then they broke into laughter, Nicky nearly fell off her bed and she needed surely 10 minutes until she had herself under controll again, her contagious laughter made it hard for the others to keep themselves together and whenever one of them seemed to calm down, she got instantly dragged back in by the others. Only Piper, who had already heard the story earlier just smiled at her brother, too grateful to blame him for anything.

When it was finally silent enough, Cal started telling again. 'Well, the neighbors called the police and Mum was too ashamed to keep me under her roof. She just wanted to get rid of me, no matter where to, she had sent me to military school but dad decided to send me here. She haven't talk to me ever since, not a single word. Well, I would have refused to go but I knew it would be the free ticket for Piper.' now he smiled at her again, his eyes full of love and if Piper had been able to she would have stood up and walked over to him to pull him into her arms, but of course she could and she knew that he knew it anyway, he could read from her eyes like from a book and for a few seconds there was dignified silence filling the room, all taking in the sibling love like it was lifeblood.

It was Lorna who finally broke the silence 'OK, but what I still don't get is, why didn't they just send you here and take Piper back home? That makes no sense!' Nicky, Piper and Cal had to laugh at this, the three of them knew Carol Chapman all too well. 'It would have looked as if they couldn't afford two kids at boarding home at the same time.' Nicky explained, not even needing the confirmation of her chosen siblings.

Alex hadn't said a word for hours, she was just too happy and grateful, there was nothing to say right now and she didn't care about what happened, Piper was here and nothig else was important.

It was fullmoon and the room was lit by the liquid light of this giant Guardian of the night while the rain was creating music on the pavement like a piano from eternity. World felt endless and for a tiny, fragile second life was perfect.

**I really tried my best to be as fast as possible ;) hope you like the new chapter, please review :)**


	28. Chapter 28

Two weeks had passed and life was already far from perfection again. From all the rooms in this great great castle it had to be Larry's that had a spare bed and Cal wasn't someone to forgive making his sisters' lives harder than necessary. Larry hated being remembered that he had lost his girlfriend to a stupid lesbian. So pretty obviously the two of them weren't a good match and had clashed with one another more than once these past two weeks.

In their first 7 days as rommmates they had to report to the headteacher a whole three times. The whole situation had started with verbal fights but soon those attacks transitioned into violent fist fights, with bigger and smaller injuries.

Cal was carrying a shiner for four days now and if he hadn't stopped her, Nicky had beaten the shit out of Larry for touching her little brother. 'It's not like he hadn't gotten his injuries, too. I'm not Alex, I'm not a saint.' Cal tried to calm her down that evening, sitting between the three girls on the green grass in the park, it was already starting to get warm again even if it was only end of march. Alex had to laugh at this sentence, but earned evil glances from left and right.

'The fucker is four years older than you. It's not like this was a fair fight!' Nicky grunted, she was leaning with her back against the rough bork of a tree, she was mad and her fingers were tingleing to shove a fist into Larry's face. 'Why have you to fight at all? Just ignore him.' - Piper, who else.

It was funny to see how the two girls wanted exactly the same thing, for Cal to keep safe, but each had her very own way to solve a problem like this and it was very obvious that Cal wasn't willing to go either of their ways.

'Piper, I can't' he told, death serious 'He provocates it every single time. I can't ignore him slacking you off all the time and he knows that. It's like he wants me to beat him up. He is a walking anti gay campaign and not one of the peaceful ones.'

Piper sighed, Larry had always had his problems with homosexuals, he never could explain exactly why, not even to himself, but one time he had tried to explain it to her by saying he didn't understand why people chose to 'fuck their own sex'. At least that was how he had called it. It was one of the reasons why Piper had hesitated to sleep with him, it just seemed wrong to do so as long as he didn't respect her best friend's loving and after all also herself's.

'And whenever I tell him to shut the fuck up, he starts bragging about how he almost got rid of you. I can't let him talk like this, he literally begs for it'

It was true. Larry had been provokating Cal as often as he could in those last few days. And if he was really honest, he didn't really understand himself why he did this. He had been so hurt after Piper had left him and when he found out that she had left him for a girl, he was devastated. He felt betrayed, like all those months together had been a huge lie, like he was just an experiment, like she never really had feelings for him. He had felt like someone had ripped him apart and the only valve he had found for this pain was his fury.

So first he had beaten up Alex, thinking that it would make him feel better, having his revenge, but it only made him feel worse, now he felt like he deserved being left, he felt like an asshole but he couldn't stop being angry and aggressive, it was the only thing that kept him from falling apart, feeling blindly aggressive was better than feeling lonely and sad.

Nicky's punch in his face had only fed the monster inside of him and so he had done the only thing that came to his mind. Trying to get rid of the memories, trying to get rid of Piper, he had ratted her out and that was exactly the way he felt now, like a rat. He had beaten a girl, had tried to ruin every happiness of the girl he loved and now he found himself disgusting. He was the most hated guy at school right now, but noone hated him as much as he did himself. The only thing that made him feel better was when he got what he deserved, letting Cal beat him up was making him feel better, like he could pay his debts that way.

But noone should now. By fighting back, giving Cal a few little injuries, he made sure that noone realized what a poor and weak bastard he was, noone should see his pain. He felt really sorry for what he did to Piper and Alex, but who would have believed him. So he kept his mouth shut letting Cal beat him up on a daily basis.

'I don't get how he could have become such an asshole' Piper, who leaned with her back against Alex's chest again while Alex had nothing to lean on but her own hands to carry not only half of her but also half of Piper's bodyweight, shaked her blonde head, staring on the green floor as if she were thinking really hard about that question.

Not having much to think about that, Nicky grunted, kicking softly against Piper's skinny, muscleless leg that lay in front of her. Piper hated when Nicky did this, not because it hurt, the kicks weren't hard enouhg to be possibly hurting but the natural instinct told her to pull her leg out of the kicking zone which she obviously wasn't able to do. It was a feeling as if you wanted to write something down but every biro in reach wasn't working. It felt just uncomfortable and unsatisfying but it wasn't really mean, it was just a teasing between the two of them so Piper just glanced severely in Nicky's direction. 'He has always been an asshole' Nicky stated earning noddings from Alex and Cal.

'No he wasn't'

Piper's voice was getting louder, it wasn't ok what Larry did and he behaved like a tremendous douchebag but this Larry bashing wasn't ok either

'You don't know him, OK? None of you and just because he behaves like an asshole now doesn't mean you've got the right to slack him off all the time!' for the second time that day Piper felt the urge to move her legs, she wanted to jump up and walk away, kicking the door close behind her to show her discontent. But besides the fact that there was no door anywhere nearby, she couldn't even move herself out of her sitting position on the floor without any help. Sometimes she hated her wheelchair, hated her uncontrollable legs, hated this fucking stupid tumor even though it didn't exist anymore.

So in order to channel her anger in another way she bumped her fist on whatever was below it. Unfotunately it was Alex's leg that was below right now and her fist landed on the hard surface of Alex's knee. 'For fucks sake, Piper' Alex yelled 'I'm no fucking punching bag!' she beefed, anger rising in her eyes.

Fed up with the whole situation Piper moved herself away from Alex by lifting her weight on her arms and stemming her body over Alex's leg until she sat on the floor besides her girlfriend, her arms pushed into the damp floor to prevent herself from falling behind. 'It's not like any of us is a saint. I fucking cheated on him! You' she nodded towards Alex's direction 'you made out with a girl that you knew had a boyfriend and fucked her best friend afterwards'

Cal's eyes grew wide his head turning around between a smirking Nicky and a blushed Alex but Piper didn't leave him any time to process, before attacking her best friend 'And you fucking punched him in the face, called him names ever since I started dating him and mocked him whenever you saw a possibility to do so.' Now the smirke left Nicky's face and transitioned into a layer of guilt. Piper could do this, make you feel all your guilt, all your mistakes in a matter of seconds just by looking at you with this severe and disappointed look and she wasn't wrong. They all had played their part in this whole Larry drama.

'And you' Cal lifted his hands in a surrending manner stopping Piper's rage against him before she could start. 'Yeah. I got it. Instead of beating him up I should avoid him. Walk out of the situation. Ignore him. I know I know' Cal interrupted his sister before she could talk herself into another rage. He knew, once she got started, it would be hard to get her to stopp. 'Promise me' she insisted, while Alex stared on the grass in front of her, that was still flattened where Piper sat, and Nicky was laying her arm around Lorna, who just arrived after her yoga class.

'Promise me' Piper said a bit harsher after Cal didn't answer. It was silent for half a minute, everyone trying to avoid Piper's gaze.

'If you don't do it for Larry or yourself, do it for me.' now Piper was nearly begging 'If you got kicked from school, There is no reason why mom and dad should let me stay either.'

'OK' Cal said without hesitation 'OK I promise!'

* * *

><p><strong>I'm trying to start a new story right now so I have a little less time to focus on this one, but I won't stopp without writing a real end to this, I promise ;) <strong>

**So would you like me to write an end, yet? This would mean another 3-4 chapters or should I go on with it ? (I still have a few ideas)**

**Please review :)**


	29. Chapter 29

Though it had been more than hard to keep his promise to Piper, Cal had really tried to. Stay out of Larry's way, whereever he was going, ignore him whenever he talked or mocked, leave the room when Larry entered it and not react to a single one of Larry's provocating speeches.

He had hoped that Larry would get bored with his shit, if he only stopped providing him with a target, but that didn't happen, if even possible it had gotten Larry even more furious. And since the evening before Cal had finally started to understand why so.

All of Larry's old friends and classmates had wondered about his very short temper lately, although they knew and understood why Larry was so unbelievably mad at like the whole world. But Larry had started to lose his shit about the tiniest little things possible in those past few days, like cold coffee at breakfast, a knot in his damn shoe laces or the fact that he had to wait more than 4 minutes in a school cafeteria line. Just everything.

He had screamed, raged, blamed and insulted everyone around and thrown coffee mugs through the dining hall. Most people had started to avoid him and talk about him behind his back, even those who had considered themselves as Larry's friends for a long time. It just seemed like he wasn't Larry anymore, he wasn't himself and now Cal knew why.

He had found a stash of empty bottles under Larry's bed next to a box with old photos of him and Piper cuddling, kissing, hand in hand, all sorts of couple snapshots. But some of them had spots of dried waterdrops on it like somebody had cried while looking at them and some were even ripped apart.

He had also noticed the smell of alcohol in Larry's breath a few times the last weeks but hadn't thought about it any further until he had found the collection of booze under the bed the day before. Even if he kind of hated Larry, now he was also worried about him, it was just part of his nature. But he wasn't sure yet, if reporting him to Diane or Caputo was the right way to deal with it. He hadn't told Piper or Nicky about it, Piper would have reported him right away and Nicky would have probably taken advantage of her knowledge and blackmailed him in order to get rid of him. But feeling like he couldn't keep it to himselfe anymore, he turned to the one person he thought might be able to help him.

* * *

><p>Alex had become overly careful with wandering alone through the empty school halls ever since Larry had gone medievel on her ass. It was hard to admit and it definitely didn't fit her, but she was actually afraid of the guy. So she didn't feel very comfortable when she walked over the empty schoolyard at five o clock on a friday afternoon in order to go back to boarding home after a long disput with Caputo about her bad grades. When she heard sudden steps behind her back, her heart literally skipped a beat. She turned around, ready to defend herself against whatever there may come now, her fists scooted up in the air, shielding her body like a Boxer.<p>

'Gosh. You superwoman now ?' Cal chuckled in his Teddybear-laughter 'You should see yourself right now!' he lifted his hands in the air to imitate his sister's girlfriend, that he was really fond of by now, jumping from one foot to the other as if he was Muhammed Ali, ready to fight.

'Ah' he cried out, rubbing his upper arm where Alex had bumped her fist in. 'Stop that, you dork.' she laughed, threatening to punsh him again until he lifted his arms over his head surrendering to show her that he was unarmed. They smirked at each other, knowing how similar the two of them were with that shameless smile and the daring sparkle in their eyes.

'Come on' she slapped him on the shoulder causing him to playfully rub the spot she hit him, again and wince in pain, Alex could not help herself but shake her head at his dumb jokes.

They walked side by side under the trees, neither of them saying a word for a while but it was a comfortable silence without the awful arkward searching for a topic to speak about. All that was to be heard were their synced steps and the wind that blew between the trees, whispering stories to all attentive listeners. 'Can I tell you something?' Cal asked after they'd already walked half of the way. With his shoulders hunched to his ears and him staring at his walking feet, you could tell from a distance that he felt uncomfortable with the subject. Alex just rised her perfect eyebrows.

….

Trying not to stare the words out of him she kept her gaze also on the pavement. They walked a few meters in silence again while Cal thought about how he should start.

….

'It's about Larry' was all that he said for a few more seconds and it took all of Alex's composure not to take this boy by his shoulders and shake the words out of him.

….

'I found something and I think I know why he is such an aggressive jerk lately!' Then he was silent again until Alex smacked him on the back of his head.

'Cal' she yelled unnerved 'You fucking kidding me?'

'Yeah. Sorry' Cal mumbled still unsure if he should burden her with his knowledge but he knew he had no choice, he just had to tell somebody 'Ok, well the thing is, I think Larry drinks.' Alex stopped walking abruptly rising her eyebrows as if waiting for further explanations.

….

'I've found a few empty bottles under his bed and I don't know what to do about it.' Cal shrugged his shoulders a few times not sure what else to say. Alex let herself fall on one of the benches under the row of trees.

'Shit' she stated, taking her glasses off her nose to clean it with the hem of her shirt, while Cal sat down next to her, his legs crossed and his elbows resting on his knees, waiting for a solution for this problem.

'But it all makes sense.' Alex pinpointed after she had pondered over Cal's rendition for a few minutes. 'Shit' she stated once more.

'So...? What should I do?' Cal asked, still hoping that the four years older girl could give him some advice he could follow.

'Should I tell somebody? Like Caputo, Your sister or Piper?' Cal already knew the answer but he wished, Alex would tell him something else, taking this weight off his shoulders. But of course she didn't.

'Gosh, no!' Alex yelled 'Not Diane! And definitely not Piper! ' Cal wanted to say something, but Alex interrupted him right away 'And before you ask, Nicky neither!' Alex knew that her sister's job was already on the rocks and she couldn't do this to her, letting her decide between keeping the secret and thatfor risking her job or to report Larry to Caputo and risk his booting out.

And Piper was already well served with those ex drinkers in her life, besides that she had made it clear that she was fed up with all the Larry bashing, so there was no point in bothering her with speculations and provocating another fight about ths subject.

'Maybe it's better not to tell anybody. At least for now!' Alex shrugged her shoulders, trying to convince herself that it was no mistake. 'We can't rat him out, can we?'

'So we do nothing? What if anything happens to him ?'

'Or to anyone else.' Alex had thought about this, too and she considered this to be frightening realistic. Cal fiddled with his sleeves, a habit he had clearly herited from his sister and that drove Alex nuts whenever someone did it.

'So, you know, maybe you should talk to him!' Cal suggested, still fiddleing.

'Me?'

'Yeah, at least you know the situation he's in. Drinking and all this'

Alex slapped him on his hand to stopp the irritating moving. 'Yeah, from one drunk loser to another or what?' Alex answered, annoyed by Cal's stupid asumption that she could feel into Larry just because she had been an alcohol addict 'And since I'm his favourite person he will totally listen to me! Great idea!' She snapped, knocking her fist gently against Cal's forehead as if she was searching for a numb nut.

'Yeah ok you're right!' Cal mumbled and then both of them were quiet again.

They both jerked when Alex's phone rang through the silence. Alex fiddled it out of her pocket to looks, who it was. Cal tried to read the name on Alex's display, expecting to see his sister's name but Alex held her phone skewed so that he had no chance to decifer anything.

The look on Alex's face though told him it wasn't Piper who just had called. 'What time is it in Amsterdam ?' Alex asked nearly panicked, her eyes wide behind her glasses.

'What? No idea?!' Cal was now more than confused 'Why Amsterdam?' Alex rised from the bench, still staring at her phonedisplay 'Sorry Cal, I gotta go!' she patted his shoulder briefly, before starting to jog in the direction they had come from earlier, back towards the school building.

'Hey what about Larry?' Cal cat-called at her, also rising from his sitting position, not longer confused but angry by now. Alex turned around without stopping to move 'Just don't tell anybody!' she yelled to his face walking backwards, the phone still in her hand. She turned back again starting to run.

'Yeah, thanks a lot for nothing!'

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><p><strong>I'm not really happy with this chapter myself but I tried it twice now and it doesn't get better, so be gentle, I really try to be more inspired next chapter ;)<strong>

**(And YEAH I got my files back :)**)


	30. Chapter 30

'Hey, Pipes, you remember the time we got so wasted at Tiff's homeparty and you barfed in front of Diane's door!' Nicky was nearly falling off her bed laughing at the memory, causing Piper to glance at her jokingly evil.

'Yeah haha just because you dragged me there when I said I had to puke, douchebag!'

Nicky had to hold her stomach that already hurt from all the laughter.  
>'No way! That was you?' Diane was sitting on the windowboard, spending her little free time with the girls, how she did so often lately, she loved those girls and she was so grateful for their bond that seemed to make them finally happy after all they've been through, every single one of them.<p>

'You assholes, I don't believe you two!' Diane was not really mad, she actually had to try hard not to burst into laughter 'I grounded two senior girls for that!'  
>Now Nicky really fell off the bed and lay there on the floor laughing and gasping for air.<br>'Try not to choke down there!' Alex chuckled in her sexy low voice that always sent a shiver down Piper's spine. No matter what ever happened, Piper knew that voice could always seduce her, strip her off her clothes whenever she intended to.

Piper coughed, turning her mind back to her best friend lying on the floor. 'You fucker, that was not funny. I felt bad for weeks after that!'  
>She threw her pillow at Nicky's head, burying her laughter under it for a few heavenly seconds until Nicky threw it back again.<br>'Oh, so at least you had a bad conscience! I guessed that helped the poor girls a lot while cleaning up that floor!'

Nicky, who had finally found her composure back let herself fall back on her bed again.  
>'Oh come on get over it, Vause.' the ginger folded her hands behind her head, smirking at the older woman 'I mean that's more than two years ago!' Nicky had to suppress the reflex to flirt with her former crush. She'd always been a flirty person but she knew how her caretaker felt about this after all that had happened, not to mention how Lorna thought about these things.<p>

'Yeah that makes it even worse. That means you were only 15.' Diane threw her hands up in the air, desperate about all the stupid things her students had already done.  
>'I was 16' Nicky stated as if that would change anything about the underage drinking.<br>'That means Piper was 14' Alex patted her sister's leg pretending to soothe her until Diane took her hand and held it between her's.

'Gosh, I'm terrible in my job, am I not?' Diane buried her face in her hands shaking her head and laughing in disbelief.  
>Alex turned around and stepped between her sister's legs that were at the level of her waist, since Diane was still sitting on the windowboard. The younger one looped her arms around the older's waist, resting her head against her chest 'No! You're the best!' she mumbled burrying her face deep into that shirt that smelled like her childhood.<br>Diane had to smile at this sweetness, while hugging her little sister back and placing a kiss on top of those black hair.

'Aww' Piper sighed at the cuteness of the situation, causing Nicky to roll her eyes.  
>'Oh come on! Enough with the wuss stuff, Lady Di!'<br>Alex just outstrechted her arm in Nicky's direction, giving her the finger without even looking, her head still resting on her sister's chest.  
>'Yeah, thanks, dude.' the ginger stated in a bored voice, pretending to yawn before going on 'I fucking know where this finger had been! That's disgusting!' she shook her head, winking towards her best friend, who blushed like always, wheneve someone talked about sex, especially her sex.<p>

Turning around now, back leaned against Diane's chest, Alex glanced at Nicky  
>'Maybe we could not discuss this in front of my sister, huh?'<p>

Diane chuckled shaking her head.  
>'I should go, anyway!' she told 'after all I'm not off duty!' she winked before she pecked another kiss on Alex's head and slid off the windowboard.<br>'Goodbye, Lady Di' Nicky sighed dramatically, earning herself a slap on the head from the sexy woman passing by.  
>'Ey' Nicky yelled rubbing her head 'That is physical abuse of a ward!'<br>Diane blew her a sarcastic kiss before leaving the room.

'Well' Nicky clapped her hands on her tighs before searching her black combat boots that lay in two different corners of the room 'I better go, too!' she rolled her eyes 'Lorna wants me to go shopping with her!' when she had found her second shoe, she sat down on Piper's bed to put it on, using Piper's wheelchair to put her foot on top.  
>'Ew.' Piper pushed Nicky nearly off her bed, glancing at her evily until the ginger took her foot down again extra slowly, smirking at her best friend.<p>

'Wait' Alex joined the two of them on the bed, causing Piper to revolt 'This is MY bed. We're not living in a commune,yet!' she tried to push Alex to the side, who just took her wrists, fastening them to the matress without further reaction to what her girlfriend just said.  
>'Nicky Nichols is going shopping? Voluntarily?'<br>The redhead wiggled her eyebrows with a dirty grin on her face 'She needs underwear!' she licked her lips and waged her tongue in the air in a more than explicit manner, making Piper cringe and Alex laugh.  
>'Bye ladies!' Nicky walked to the door before turning around once more 'Oh and I guess I should close the door!' she winked towards Alex before closing it behind her.<p>

Alex waited for a few seconds in case Nicky might return, before she turned towards her girl, straddling the blonde while pushing her down on the matress, her wrists still in her hands.  
>Piper tried to free her hands from the deadly grip, nearly making it a few times by twisting and turning and differing her positions until the stronger girl on top of her won the little fight using only one hand.<br>Now Piper lay on her back with Alex sitting on top of her hip, one leg on each side, fixing her wrists on the matress above Piper's head with one hand, pressing her down onto the bed.  
>The smirk on her face told Piper exactly what would come next.<br>With her free hand Alex began tracing Piper's face wandering slowly down her neck, her most sensitive bodypart, well at least among a few others.  
>It was a pleasureable torture and Piper's breath started to fasten a bit.<br>Wandering further downwards Alex's hands just ignored Piper's breast, altough she knew that the blonde had already been waiting for her to touch them, but she wasn't willing to give Piper the satisfaction she needed, she was the one in power right now and there and her mind aimed for something else.

She brought her hand down to Piper's pants supporting her weight with her knees to give enough room between her and Piper for her hand to open the button.  
>Piper gasped for air when Alex long fingers caressed the sensitive skin between her hips, those emerald eyes piercing her blue.<br>When Alex's fingers wandered lower, Piper's moans grew louder until Alex bent down to her, pressing her lips on Piper's mouth in the exact second she entered the love of her life.  
>She started moving her fingers in Piper, gaining more wetness with every thrust.<br>'I love you' She whispered letting go of Piper's hands, who instantly wrapped her arms around the tall girl, pulling her as close as possible, clinging onto her as she exploded in the first orgasm.

Afterwards Piper lay in Alex's arm, trying to calm her breathing down, her head rested on Alex's chest, listening to the steady beat, that made her feel more alive than her own heartbeat.

It was Alex's phone that blopped their after-sex-bubble. With an excusing look she jumped out of the bed, taking her phone from her own nightstand on the other side of the room and read the name.  
>'Shit! It's that late?' she asked more to herself.<br>'What's wrong, baby?' Alex jerked as if she had already forgotten that Piper was still there.  
>She collected her clothes from the floor on her way back to the bed. Trying to put on her panties with one hand, she bent down to Piper, pecking a kiss on her forehead.<br>'Sorry babe, I have to leave you for an hour but I'll be back soon, OK?'  
>'Where are you going?'<br>Ignoring the confused eyes of her girlfriend Alex hurried to put her clothes on and headed to the door.  
>'I see you later. I love you!' she called back over her shoulder before kicking the door shut.<br>Piper's second "where are you going" was ignored once more.


	31. Chapter 31

Piper jerked when the door thud close. She didn't believe how one could change from feeling totally filled to feeling completely empty. She sat there on her bed, still naked but now alone and angry. It hasn't been the first time that her girlfriend had bailed on her, that tended to happen rather regularly in the last weeks. Ever since their last big fight after the Larry disaster Alex's phone had started to ring in the most annoying situations. And the fear grew in Piper that Alex might be cheating on her.

* * *

><p>Alex felt like cheating when she lit her cigarette on her way to the meeting point. She had promised Piper so often to quit the smoking and she really had tried to but these "dates" had her started to smoke secretly again. She just needed a cigarette before the meeting, that was the only withdrawal she couldn't stand.<p>

* * *

><p>Ignoring a raging Larry felt like withdrawal from satisfying his anger. Cal had ignored the insults, the provocations, Larry's alcohol breath and even the violence but he was so fed up with it that he barely spent time in their room anymore. Just like now when he was strolling through the park alone. The last weeks had been awful and amazing at the same time, the troubles with Larry pulled his mood down but being with Piper and Nicky had made him so unbelievably happy. Being able to see them whenever he wanted and not being full of sadness while missing them was an amazing feeling.<p>

"Cal!" he didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

* * *

><p>Lorna turned around, stopping right in front of her girlfriend her eyes wide open, shining, begging. "Please, Baby, please let's go in, just a minute!" they were standing in front of a shop for wedding dresses. "Oh please, pretty please!" now Lorna was metaphysically on her knees, not hesitating to go into full seducing mode. Her hands wandered to Nicky's waists, pulling her body close while she pouted and grinded her front slightly against Nicky's. "I would be so grateful" she whispered into the ginger's ear. "Hrmpf" Nicky grunted, pulling the italian into the shop, wordless.<p>

* * *

><p>Diane stared wordless on the chaos that was shattered across the whole floor, making walking nearly impossible. The shelf had been knocked over and everything on and in it was spilled over the floor in one big mess. Someone had ripped the blankets off the beds and the clothes out the closets. And under a blue shirt lying partly under the bed she noticed a glass bottle sticking out. Recognizing that blue cap right away she was close to crying. Diane had hoped that all these alcohol troubles would finally belong to the past, she could not go through this again. Her last hope that it was just someone trying a taste died when she picked that bottle up and it was empty. An empty vodka bottle. 'Shit!'<p>

* * *

><p>"How could you fucking empty my vodka bottles you little shit!" Larry was raging, out of his mind, pushing Cal from behind, hard enough to make him stumble. Cal kept on walking, trying to ignore the older boy yelling at him. He had now reached the well of that little stream that ran through the whole park. It sprang from a hole in a rock that lay underneath the grasslayer one meter below the path where Cal was fleeing from Larry. The stream lay in an inclined stony channel in form of a trickle before it swell to a steady stream a few hundred meters further down the hill. Cal stared on the trickle, blocking his mind against the yelling until Larry grabbed his arm in a hurting grip spinning him around. Only a finger would have fitted between their faces and the little space was flashing from tension.<p>

* * *

><p>The tension in Piper's heart got easier after she had read Alex's message.<p>

From: Alex I'm sorry baby for bailing on you. I'll make up for it, promise. I love you

But still, Piper wanted to know what was so hell of important that Alex was glued to her phone, nearly every minute, even five minutes after sex. It was hurting her, making her feel second choice and more than ever she understood how Cal must have felt all his life in the shadow of his disabled but still overachieving sister. The fact that she was so deep in those shadows that she couldn't even see to who it belonged didn't make it any easier. She felt like sitting in a hole.

* * *

><p>Alex stared holes into her client's forehead, any longer and the guy would have a smoking red spot burning in his head. The blonde boy was 19 or 20 maybe and a head taller than the raven haired girl but he still seemed to be intimidated by her. Alex rised a brow in her typical manner before she flipped her cigarrette onto the ground, letting it burn a little hole into the grass before she stepped on it with her combat boots. 'So you wanna call Fahri?' Alex asked while looking at her fingernails to show off how bored she was by this conversation. 'God. No!' the blonde barked, his eyes wide in shock. 'But...' he stared onto the little hole the cigarette had left in the grass, collecting his courage.<p>

'But that's nearly twice as much as last time!' he mumbled.

That was true, Alex had secretly doubled the price, maximizing her share in order to be able to make it up to Piper. She risked her head with this move but she needed the money to save her relationship. 'Times change, so does the price. Call Fahri if you don't believe me.' She was pushing her luck, if he really called Fahri she would be fucked but her pokerface wasn't giving away a sign of her fear.

* * *

><p>Fear could do much to people and Diane was used to fear. Fear of ending up like her mother, alone and hating all men. Fear of losing her little sister into the chasm she was always dancing around. Fear of not being good enough to protect those who needed her protection. Fear of losing her job. She should have gone directly to Caputo but she was too scared it might backfire on her, the final proof of her failure. So instead she started cleaning up the room in panic, hiding all evidence for whatever had happened here.<p>

* * *

><p>Whatever would ever happen, Nicky knew she would love this girl for ever and always. She realized that the second Lorna stepped out of the changing room in a gorgeous white dress. It fitted her perfectly, showing off her tits and ass and her smile did the rest to make it the most beautiful sight Nicky had ever been able to take in. She could have stared at this forever, especially the ass and the tits but something suddenly blocked her sight.<p>

"Lorna?" The thing blocking her sight had black hair, was a bit pudgy and clearly knew her girlfriend. Another one was hugging Lorna already and from the photos Nicky believed she knew who it was. The italian girl stared over the shoulder of her sister who had her arms slung around her, her eyes wide in shock. Her brain was working hard on what to say, you could really hear the gears grinding. She opened her red lips and closed them again like a fish. The woman seemed to be as speechless as the girl until Lorna finally asked „Mom?"

* * *

><p>Cal stayed speechless, staring at his sister's ex who was shivering from withdrawal and mad burning anger. "How fucking dare you?" Every word felt like a punch, hard and cold hearted. Cal was really sorry about what he did, he knew it was the wrong way the second he poured the alcohol into the drain but he had no idea what else to do about that situation. Larry was obviously addicted to that stuff and Cal had no experience whatsoever with how to handle such a situation. The only person he thought was able to be helping, seemed to not care or at least had always something better to do, so he was in this task on his own and completely out of ideas or control. So he did the only thing he could think of, even though he knew it would cause more trouble. "Why?" Larry's voice was shivering, he seemed to be totally out of his mind. " Because you already had enough"<p>

* * *

><p>Alex had enough of waiting for the client to decide if he should believe her or not. She had her arms crossed in front of her chest hiding her nervousness while craving for another cigarette. "Okay I'm going to give you a minute to overthink then you either give me the money or you fuck off and don't you dare and call me ever again after that!" her voice was calm and cold, she talked through her teeth the mouth barely open, causing exactly the effect she wanted. She didn't wait for an answer instead she turned around arms still crossed and walked away a few steps to give her customer the illusion of having a choice. In the distance she saw 2 boys fighting and she was sure one of them was Piper's brother and of course if that was Cal she knew who the other one was. She could not hear them but their body language was telling her enough to know they were yelling at each other and she could imagine how angry and aggressive Larry was once again. Shit was about to go down and Alex knew it was time for her to intervene but she also knew if she fucked up that deal she was really that: Fucked up.<p>

* * *

><p>"Fuck" Nicky thought to herself, she felt the urge to run and hide and her mind was already on her way but then the girl hugging her girlfriend locked eyes with her. "Hey, you must be Nicky!" The girl was standing in front of the ginger in a blink of an eye, hugging her like family "I'm Franny. Lorna told me so much about you." Nicky blushed while Lorna and her mother were still staring at each other speechless. A few hour-like seconds passed with nobody saying a word, Franny had her arm placed on Nicky's shoulder, like they had known each other for ever and the two of them were watching mother and daughter, until the italian mother seemed to realize the white dress her daughter was wearing and her numb eyes started to light up. She scanned the dress from head to toe, a hint of a smile on her lips. "Are you...Are you getting married?" the woman turned around and looked at Nicky for the first time ever and ... Smiled. The woman who had stopped talking to her ownndaughter because her being gay, who had not tried to reconnect ever since because she was too disappointed of Lorna's 'lifestylechoices' was standing there, smiling at her daughter's girlfriend at the thought of them getting married.<p>

* * *

><p>The thought of him getting busted was a heartbreaking thought to Diane, she had known Larry since he was 12 years old, a sweet unimpressive average boy. She had seen him grow up, falling in love with Piper, he had struggled with the thought of having a disabled girlfriend, something Alex hadn't wasted a single thought about, he had been afraid how to handle people's looks and what they might say but then he had become the cutest boyfriend until everything changed. And now ...<p>

Diane picked up a framed picture of the floor, it was a photo of the last class trip to San Francisco, the glass was shattered.

* * *

><p>You could have hear a raindrop shatter on a leave while Cal and Larry stared at each other in silence, then something broke in Larry's eyes and you could see him break. "I need this" his voice was just a whisper and the compassion rised in Cal. He grabbed Larry's arm looking him straight in the eye. "What you need is help" for a second he thought his words had reached Larry's heart but then his eyes shut close and they started burning in anger again. "I need nobody's help" he yelled and pushed Cal away and Cal fell.<p>

* * *

><p>Lorna's mother instantly fell for the ginger who just fullfilled her deepest wish, when Lorna was about to deny. Nicky interrupted her girlfriend before her brain had finished thinking „Yes! Yes, we are!"<p>

„Yes?" Lorna, Franny, their mother and Nicky's brain asked in unison „Yes" Nicky's mouth said and while there was a whole lot of hugging, Nicky pulled her girlfriend close to her, whispering in her ear "Do you wanna marry me?" and Lorna's eyes lit up, she pressed her lips onto Nicky's and whispered "I do" against her mouth. It was the happiest day in Nicky's life.

* * *

><p>Cal felt himself losing balance.<p>

* * *

><p>Diane sat down on Larry's bed, looking at the picture that felt like out of another life. Her fingers skimmed the glass and she looked at picture-Larry's eyes full of love, staring at Piper as if she was the worthiest treasure in the world. They seemed so happy. It made her sad to see how broken down he was now, even if she knew that her little sister was as happy as never in her life before ever since she had Piper in her life. Diane caressed the picture and she promised she would not give up on Larry.<p>

* * *

><p>Cal tried to hold onto something to gain back his balance.<p>

* * *

><p>Piper skipped through the photos of her and Alex in her phone and felt the warmth in her heart. Alex was the best person in the world and she had never lied to her, Piper had mistrusted her once and it had been the biggest mistake. She should trust the person who had made her life perfect. She kissed Alex's face on the screen. Yes, when she thought about it her life was perfect right now.<p>

* * *

><p>There was nothing to hold on to and Cal knew it was too late.<p>

* * *

><p>The second Alex saw Cal stumble she started to run, run as if it would prevent anything. Run as if it would change everything if she was just fast enough.<p>

She wasn't and Cal fell.

**I know I needed a shitload of time to update -.- I'm very sorry. Writing had been a bit difficult lately, since I have a severly insured hand and am not allowed to use it for at least the next 6 months. Typing one handed had made me really slow and frustrated. But I'll try to get faster.**

**Please review :)**


	32. Chapter 32

Her reflection in the mirror was blurred while she stood there motionless. She felt like she hadn't moved in days, her muscles felt sore, her limbs felt heavy and her head empty.

The world had come to an absolute standstill, no moving possible. She stared at her blurred reflection while hot tears ran down her face in a steady stream.

"You ready ?" the voice coming from the door sounded like billions of miles far away to her and Nicky shook her head.

No... no she wasn't ready for this.

Lorna closed the door, taking a few steps towards her girl and took her head between her hands, whiping the tears away with her thumbs but new ones were following too fast.

So she took the crushed girl into her arms, watching her fall apart into pieces, not able to do anything about it.

They stood there for some seconds in their dresses. It was the first time in ages that Nicky wore a dress, she couldn't even remeber, but now she was standing there in a dress, still barefoot.

When the ginger's tears had tried a little, Lorna pulled away carefully, her hand cupping Nicky's still wet cheek, whiping the tears away with her thumb successfully this time. Nicky twisted her face into something, pretending to be a smile, a lousy attempt to show gratefulness of her girlfriend being there right now. Still stroking Nicky's cheek with her thumb Lorna smiled back at the girl that seemed to be so small right now.

"Baby we should go, you should put on shoes" Lorna glanced towards Nicky's naked feet.

Tears were dwelling in Nicky's eyes again and before Lorna knew what was happening, Nicky had let herself fall onto the floor, her body not able to stay upright anymore. "I have no shoes!" Nicky whined, sobbing, her fingernails scratching painfully over the wooden floor. Now Lorna was close to crying too, she hadn't cried ever since, she had tried to be the strong one, the support for those who needed support. But seeing the woman she loved breaking down over a pair of shoes made her feel so helpless and angry, she felt the urge to rip something apart.

She bent down "Nick" her soft voice was breaking "Nicky" she reached out her hand to stroke Nicky's hair but stopped halfway, she was afraid Nicky would hurt herself and she knew she needed to stopp her from scratching so she lied herself on top of her girlfriend's back, grabbing both her wrists, tucking them beneath both their bodies and the floor, holding the girl in a tight hug on the floor until she felt her body calming down under the pressure, the shuddering becoming less. They lay there for what felt like hours.

* * *

><p>Diane's car was waiting outside, when Nicky and Lorna came out of the castle, Lorna with her arm around Nicky who was after all still barefoot. Lorna had just decided that Nicky needed no shoes, it wouldn't keep her from getting hurt.<p>

Piper had driven to church earlier with her parents so besides the freshly enganged couple it was just the Vause sisters in the car. They hadn't been able to tell anybody about their engagement yet and they hadn't talked about it with each other either, there were no rings, no party, no roses, no candles, no words. But there was a connection between them, safety, trust, knowledge that the other one wanted to spend her whole life together.

None of them said a word on the whole drive to church. Diane had her right hand on Alex's leg, who was sitting on the passenger's seat, completely slided down, her knees touching the glove compartment and only her upper back leaned against the backrest. Now and then Diane sent an encouraging smile into the rearview mirror towards Lorna and Nicky, to which the italian tried to respond to while the redhead was just staring out the side window, her hand clinging onto the doorhandle until her knuckles turned white. She had to hold her tears back, focusing on the trees that flew by the window and the pervertly blue looking sky. The hand of her girlfriend stroking her leg was like a foggy touch from another world, she felt it but she didn't feel it, it was as surreal as everything else in this world right now. Alex ,still more lying than sitting in her seat, kept staring on her thin tighs in black jeans as if there was nothing else the world consisted of. She had her right elbow placed against the cardoor, her under arm dangling down so that her hand was exatcly in front of her face. She was biting her nails, something she had not done in ages but she just couldn't stopp, altough her thumb was already bleeding. She didn't feel the pain, she only noticed when she tasted the iron in her mouth.

* * *

><p>The church was already filled with people, you could see it through the open door where the incomplete Chapman family was standing in front of. Nicky moved towards Piper who looked barely alive, eyes empty and wet. She kneeled down in front her best friend, they looked at each other for a second before Nicky couldn't stand the pain anymore, she slung her arms around the tiny body that had become even tinier since.<p>

Piper leaned into the sisterly hug, her face pressed against Nicky's, who leaned against her chest, pulling her as close as possible. Both of them didn't even notice the tears rolling down their faces while Diane and the rest was saying their condolences to Piper's parents.

Nicky could have stayed like this forever, giving in to the cutting pain inside her within the safety of the hug of the one last person that she had called family for the past years of her life. But rather sooner than later she found herself sitting in the crowded church listening to a priest she never had seen talking about a Cal she didn't recognize in his words.

Nicky felt like attending a show. All those people who were just there to show off their newest hats while pretending to have known the poor boy who was the victim of this sad tragedy. The rhich neighbors, the clubmembers all those hypocrites who had always looked down on the youngest Chapmanchild just like they have done on her, were now sitting in this church nodding their heads to the scripted speach. Also her parents were there but she didn't even look at them let alone saying hi. Why bother ?

The only thing that made it painfully real were Piper's sobs that reverberated through the church in a steady rhythm. Cal would have hated his own funeral. The hypocrites, the priest, all the lies and pretendings. And he would have hated seeing his sister this devastated.

Nicky zoned out of the whole scene, she stopped listening to the priest and started talking to Cal in her head 'Look at this fucking ugly hat, she surely hides her diet pills under it' his laughter vibrated in her head

'She looks like she was taking a huge shit while trying to remember why the hell she is sitting in a church and who is getting married" Cal's voice was so real and close and Cal-like that Nicky had to smile at his words. He would have hated his funeral but he would have had hell of fun there.

She only got dragged back to reality when Piper was pushed to the altar by her dad, she looked so tiny and fragile and beautiful at the same time. For somebody who knew this girl like Nicky did, it was obvious that Piper worked hard on surviving, forcing herself to keep breathing in a steady rhythm but she sat upright in her chair, taking a deep breath and started talking

"I carry your heart with me" she said trying to keep a steady voice "I carry it in my heart" her voice was quiet but amplified by the microphon in which she was reciting the words she knew by heart. It was Cal's favourite poem

"I am never without it anywhere I go you go, my dear and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling" Nicky felt hot tears running down her own face while she watched the blonde girl swallowing hard on these words before she was able to continue, her face also full of tears.

"I fear no fate" she paused and sobbed "for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for beautiful, you are my world, my true. and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you"

Piper let her hand stroke the wooden chest next to her, smiling brokenly at the picture on top of it. She was talking just to him, as if she wasn't in a church and he was standing right in front of her.

"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows. Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide"

Nicky recited the well known text in her mind. That has always been Cal's favourite part, he could recite it by heart in the age of six and had teached everyone that was willing to learn.

"This is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart"

Piper closed the poem turning her wheelchair around completely to face Cal's picture. It was a photo of him in the park, leaned against a tree, laughing full heartedly, it wasn't even a month old.

"And I will keep carrying it as long as I live. You will always be my little brother, a part of my life, a part of me and you will always be my sun. I love you, you are my wonder and my life had been for the better because I carry your heart." the tears were now running down many faces as they were watching Piper talk to her brother as if he was still there.

When Cal's body was lowered into the damp earth of his grave, Piper wasn't crying anymore, her sobs had swollen to screams. She screamed for her little brother, her shrill screeching felt like deep cuts in Nicky's flesh, leaving bloody wounds in her skin, and she could see Alex getting cut too, while she winced under the sound of her girlfriends desperate calls. It didn't even sound human anymore, it were the screams of a shot animal, and the pain was hurting. Yeah, Cal would have hated this funeral and in that second, Nicky promised him to hold a second one, a worthy one.

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><p><strong>I have the feeling some of you won't forgive me this, but you know me by know, I'm big on tragedies, because they resemble real life.<strong>

**Please let me know what you think about this chapter**

**The next chapter will probably the last one, I'll try to make it a bit brighter than this one.**

**An now I really wanna thank ALL of you who always review my chapters. ****Especially moanzs and elliellie1 for reviewing nearly every chapter right from the beginning :) ****But also the rest of you, you always make me smile XXX**


	33. Chapter 33

"Cal!" Alex yelled out of the car window, waving her hand furiously towards the group that had gathered about 200 metres away of the parking space, where she was sitting in her black BMW right now.

The waving and yelling was so not Vause-like, but she even intensified the waving and yelled once more in a high pitched voice

"Ca-hal!"

By now everybody was looking in her direction and a few boys were even secretly laughing and whispering things to one another, eyes still pinned on the black haired woman in the car. Alex grinned so hard her cheeks started to hurt and when one of the boys finally started walking in her direction, she had to look away because she couldn't hold her laughter any longer.

Said boy's light blonde hair stould in contrast to the dark shade of embarrassed red on his face. His hands kept checking on his hairstyle every few seconds while he was walking towards the car, making sure every single hair was still where he had gelled it this morning in his one-hour-hairdo-bathroom-session.

When he reached the car, he ripped the door open, threw his leatherjacket and backpack on the other seat and let himself fall on the seat behind the driver. Alex had closed the window by now and was laughing full heartedly while starting the car.

"You're so not funny, mum" Cal stated defiantly, pressing his knees into the back of her seat to annoy her, his punishment for embarassing him in front of his friends. Alex kept her eyes on the street but her right arm scooped behind her seat, grabbin her son's skinny leg, aiming for his tickelish knee pit, making the 13 year old squeek like a toddler.

'Legs down, kid!' Cal rolled his blue eyes and took his knees down again, but he wasn't done yet with his teenage rebellion and so he unbuckled himself and climbed over the gear stick onto the passengers seat, earning himself a warning glare out of emerald eyes.

She wasn't a strict parent, she just wasn't able to, that was her wife's part, she was the cool Miss sunglasses-ex-prison-ex-drug-dealing-leatherjacket kind of mum and sometimes she was afraid he would become too much like her, and whenever he did something that reminded her of herself, she tried to do her evil-death-stare style of parenting, which barely ever seemed to work.

Cal just stared back with a challenging smile. He fumbled in his pockets until he found what he was looking for. But his mother was faster, he wasn't even able to light that cigarette before Alex rolled down the window, grabbed the whole packet and threw it out on the street without even looking at him. When the window was closed again she smacked him on the back of his blonde head.

'Cal Emilio Vause, you go on with this and you will spend the rest of the day at your grandma's house!' she knew she sounded like Piper, but at least this time her words seemed to have an effect on the boy, after a short pause she added 'If your mother catches you smoking she will kick us both out of the house!'

That words made the young blonde smirk, yes, the tipical Vause-smirk. 'Oh come on, mum.' his intonation sounded slighty sarcastic 'She forgave you the drug dealing and two years of prison. She might forgive you a cigarette smoking son!' he knew he was walking on thin ice, he was being naughty and provocative, but his mother already knew how to handle him, he had always been a handful. Just like her.

'She might forgive me, kid, but what about you. I have sex to make it up to her. What do you have?' she smirked at him, just like he had done seconds earlier, now he was grimacing, shaking his head to get the words out again. 'Ew, mum, that's disgusting!'

Alex had cracked up and now struggled to park the car properly into the garage, where they had just arrived. Cal jumped out of the car as soon as Alex had turned off the gear. The black haired woman followed her kid into the house where it already smelled like freshly cooked vegetables. Piper had a thing for cooking for her family and since she had to stay at home from work now, she celebrated the lunch every day with new recipes and extraordinary meals. Cal kicked the shoes off his feet like every day and threw his backpack and leatherjacket right next to the door, he knew Piper hated his things lying around but if he didn't throw them on the floor, then Piper couldn't tell him to pick them up and then he couldn't scuff into the hallway to gather his stuff while she was watching him with motherly eagle eyes and that was just some kind of tradition in the Vause household.

Alex kicked her shoes off her feet also and let her carkeys fall on the little desk in the hallway, right next to the bowl Piper had put there for Alex to throw her keys in. They arrived in the kitchen side by side, both hungry for the things that hid behind the kitchen door, Piper was still busy prepping some things when her son approached her, he bent downwards to peck a kiss onto his mother's cheek "Hi, mommy" he said like he had done nearly everyday of his life since he was able to speak. No matter how cool and grown he had become, that was something he had always done, aside from the times that he was just intentionally embarrassed by one of his mothers.

When Cal was already serting the table, Alex went to her wife, repeating her son's actions. She bent down to the sitting woman, leaning her weight on the armrest of the wheelchair, pecking a kiss onto her wife's forehead. "Hi mommy" she whispered into her ear while rubbing Piper's belly, that looked like she had swallowed a huge watermelon. The couple shared a moment of familiar tenderness looking each other deep in the eye just like back then on the cold grass in november where they had shared this first tender kiss and for some seconds it felt just like they were 16 again.

"So how was school?" the little family sat around the table like every day, munching the delicious food Piper had created. But today Alex was very silent, which was a rare state for her, normally she was the one entertaining the other two with her smartass comments and her funny stories about the customers.

After her time in prison she had had no idea what she should do with her life, Piper had left her, deeply hurt, and she knew she had no chance of getting her back as long as she couldn't prove that she was able to lead a normal life without crime, without drugs and without shifty people in her backyard. And since she couldn't do anything, she hadn't learned a normal job, she only had ever been good at selling, she had started selling again. But this time legaly, she had started buying all kind of broken stuff, let it repair, let it renew and sold it again for much more than she had paid for it and after some time she had also started to sell things that were unrepairable as art, and strangely people loved that and her customers started becomin regulars, most of them very rhich and very weird people. She had won Piper back, knowing that she was the love of her life, and they had started becoming a family.

But today Alex was oddly silent, not that she was sad or in a bad mood, on the contrary. She watched her son and her pregnant wife interact like they did everyday, all the normal little gestures, they looked so happy, so light-hearted and noone who looked at them would have guessed how much pain lay behind them, how painful and threatening the way had been that had lead to the point where they were standing right now in their life. Only Piper's wheelchair, the name of their firstborn child and the thin white scars on Alex's tigh still reminded of the things they had had to fight with, and still fighted with once in a while. They were all worth it, Alex thought while listening to the bright sound of Cal's laughter. Every scar, every scream, every tear had been worth it because this was the happiest she's ever been in her life.

It was already half past two and Alex had to meet a customer at three so she stood up from the table, pecking her wife a kiss on the lips and ruffled her son through his perfectly styled hair which he countered with a playfully evil glance and the typical Vause-eyebrow. "I'll be home at six, we meet Nicky at seven and we can drop Cal off at Diane's on our way"

It was the day. It was one day after the twentieth anniversary of Cal's funeral and they were doing their tradition. Back then Nicky had sworn herself to say goodbye to her brother in a worthy way and she had gone through with it. One day after the official funeral she had dragged Piper, Alex and Lorna to the cementery and they had sat in front of Cal's grave drinking booze, pouring one out for him, chatting and sharing their favourite Cal-memories and back then in that first year Nicky had even lit a joint, Piper had been furious about it but Cal, Nicky was sure about that, would have loved that. It was a kind of goodbye that Cal would have loved, they cried and they laughed, they missed him but they celebrated that they've known him and it had become tradition.

Today it was the day and Piper was waiting impatiently for her always late wife and son. She had already changed the wheelchair against the passenger's seat with the help of her muscular arms which had become harder and harder lately with her growing belly. She had buckled herself in and was now tapping her fingers on her tigh. When the two other Vause-familymembers finally arrived in the garage, Alex packed the wheelchair into the trunk while Cal let himself fall on the backseat, cellphone in his hands, typing messages in a mindblowing speed, if only he was as fast in all parts of his life.

Piper sighed, when Alex closed her door and walked around the car to sit into the driver's seat. As soon as the gear was started, Piper started her rant "You two really need to learn to be on time. I mean once just once. Is it too much to ask that one respects the arrangements he made. I was here on time and wasted minutes of my life waiting for you two to finally deign to arrive." her voice sounded unnerved but as soon as she was finished, her anger was replaced by shame. 'I sound like my mother' she thought in horror, just in the same second Alex said "I'm sorry, Carol" with a smirk on her lips. Piper felt caught. "Fuck you" she hissed through her teeth with an angry look in her eyes, she hated being compared to her mother and Alex always knew how to push her buttons.

Alex's smirk only grew wider and she took her right hand off the steering wheel, placing it on her wife's tigh. "Oh I'd rather fuck you, honey"

"Ewwwwwww, MUM!" Cal protested against the mention of any intimacy between his mother's, but secretly he was very grateful for they still loving each other that much, especially when he saw all the divorced parents of his friends. They were happy and therefore he even accepted his Mum's inappropriate jokes now and then.

"So who are you texting?" Piper tried to change the topic, her face was red like a tomato, even after a marriage and childbirth, she still felt uncomfortable when Alex talked about their sex life, and even worse if she did so in front of their son, who was as redfaced as her, a vein that he had definirely inherited from her.

"Ehm ... Joey" Cal mumbled, not looking his mother in the eye. Piper grinned in Alex's direction and received the same smirk back. Cal had been texting with "Joey" way often in the past weeks and he always had this specific smile on his lips while doing so. By now Alex had found out that "Joey's" real name was "Laura" and that the two of them were "dating" which basically meant holding hands, sharing lunch and texting at the age of 13. On the other hand Cal was her son so maybe she should have "the talk" with him rather sooner than later. But right now she didn't feel ready to do so.

It was still bright outside when they met Nicky in front of the cementery, her red mane was glowing like a fire in front of the cold grey wall. Even though the smoke probably came from the cigarette she was smoking while waiting for her always late friends. She had started smoking again the day Lorna had married this weird guy, five years ago and nobody had known, or knew to this day, what had been worse for her to live with, their divorce or the fact that the reason after 15 years of marriage had been an unemployed man who still lived with his mother.

Now Nicky was smirking towards the two of them, kicking her cigarette in the dirt. "You're getting fat" she grinned while hugging Piper, as tight as it was possible with the huge belly between them. Piper just showed her her tongue.

"And you're getting thinner" Alex stated as she reached around her old friend's body "Not much time to eat, huh?" The two women grinned at each while Piper shook her head about them. Nicky shrugged her shoulders "She keeps me busy" Nicky was dating a 10 years younger lingerie model recently, a reason why the three of them hadn't met often lately but you could see in her face how happy she was and that was all Piper needed to know. Alex however wanted to know everything. She once had joked that Nicky was now fucking a model while she was sharing her bed with a whale, Piper had boxed her in the stomach for this.

The sunflowers on Cal's grave were still fresh and beautiful, Piper always brought some with her when she visited her brother's grave. And she took care that he always had his favourite flowers around him. The lily's were from her mother, who had suffered more from the death of her son than anybody would have imagined, the mourn had nearly destroyed her but it had also brought her closer to her daughter and Piper even claimed it had made her a little more human. Aside from those two there was only one flower on the cold earth. Nicky had given up the try to plant hemp on the grave years ago. But there was a single common bluebell lying next to the stone. It appeared there every year at the same time and it had cost Piper years to find out what that was about. The cementery gardener had finally had the solution to it, he had explained her that every year at a certain day a darkhaired man around her own age brought the bluebell, put it on the same spot and left immeadiatly. And he had explained her that the common bluebell had one meaning in what people call language of flowers. Like red roses meant "I love you" and white lilys meant "innocence", the bluebell meant "forgive me".

Nicky had just opened her third beerbottle, when Piper started whining and holding her belly. "Fuck" she yelled causing a few heads to turn around angrily. "Shhhh. We're on a graveyard" Nicky joked as if she had ever cared, while Alex lay her arm around her wife

"Hey baby" she whispered, her voice worried "What's wrong?" Piper's babyblue eyes were wide and she breathed heavily ,still holding her watermelonbelly "She's coming!" she whispered.

"No shit? Right now?" Nicky nearly choked on her beer, earning herself an angry look from Alex. She rised her arms in selfsurrender before reaching for her phone to call the ambulance.

"Pipes, I gotta tell you something" Alex whispered while Nicky was speaking on the phone and they had a few second alone. "Now?" Piper gasped trying to breath steadily between the contractions. Alex took her face between her hands making her look in the eye. "You know what?" she asked, as if she really wanted Piper to take a guess then she kissed her wife on the lips. "We're gonna be mummies again" she whispered before pressing her lips onto Piper's again, who first laughed and then started screaming again as the next contraction started.

Nicky and Alex took turns soothing Piper and rubbing her back until the ambulance finally arrived. It felt like years and Alex was starting to get nervous, swearing and grumpling that it would have been faster to order a pizza and let the pizza guy drive her wife to the hospital.

"You want my daughter to be born on a graveyard" she greeted the paramedics, when they finally arrived. While the muscular guys were lifting her wife into the car, Alex tried to calm her nerves down, watching the process and breathing deeply. Nicky who stood behind her tipped her on the shoulder "I guess you should go with her" She pointed towards the ambulance when she realized how overwhelmed Alex was by her emotions.

"Ehm... Yes!"

"I go get Cal and Di and we'll come to the hospital." She hugged the taller woman "See you later mommy" she whispered before she watched Alex climbing into the vehicle. She watched them drive aways and felt warmth flooding her heart.

"So Cal, I guess we're gonna have a niece!" she whispered into the wind, that stroked through the trees like silent laughter through warm summer air.

**THE END**

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><p>So I hope you all enjoyed the story until the end, I really tried to make it a happy chapter.<p>

Please tell me, what you think :)  
>And thank you all for reading XXX<p> 


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