Supernatural 1. While I was watching

**Note: **This story is very rough. My first wee!chester fic and only my second story. Please read and review and tell me what you think.

**Disclaimer:** _Supernatural _characters and storyline are property of Eric Kripke and associated publishers/licensers.

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><p>"Don't die please don't die!"<p>

The plea was desperately wrung from the strangled voice of the fifteen year old kid trying to hold in the gushing blood of his brother. It hurt more to hear than the gash along his ribs, courtesy of some jacked up douche bag at the bar they had just hustled. Dean hadn't had a choice about it. With their father away again he had to scrounge up cash if they wanted to keep eating. _When in need hustle bars, right dad?_ But without fail there was always one hillbilly with a grudge and a knife, which Dean would have seen coming if he hadn't been so preoccupied with watching his little brother getting chatted up by some cougar.

"Sammy, keep your eyes on the damn road! I'll be fine if you don't drive us head first into a tree!"

Sweat had drenched his body and Dean knew he needed to get patched up real fast which was becoming less and less likely with Sam trying to drive **and** keep pressure on his wound. If Sam wasn't careful he would likely bleed out all over his baby. The upholstery in the impala was slick with Dean's blood and the august heat was suffocating making the air putrid.

The smell, the taste, and the sound of Sammy sobbing were becoming overwhelming but Dean tried not to lose consciousness. He knew their father was going to have a fit when he learned he had let Sam come out on a hustling job with him let alone one that had resulted in a bar fight. Sam had seen his fair share of salt and burns but they had been trying to ease him into the actual hands on danger slowly. Sam wasn't too keen on the whole thing either. He was trained for sure and could easily hold his own which he had proved tonight against that dick but Dean just wasn't sure if Sam wanted to be in the family business. Dean could nearly understand why when he looked into the eyes of his terrified little brother. Sam was clutching Dean's side, eyes flicking between the road and his slickened hand covering Dean's own trying to stop the bleeding.

"Who would want this life?" thought Dean as the edges of his vision blurred and Sam's shinning eyes faded into black.

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><p><em>You can't die, you can't die on me now you jerk,<em> thought Sam as he hauled his unconscious brother into their motel room. He knew he was panicking but that didn't make him slow down. He had to save Dean, Dean was the only thing that mattered, the only thing that ever mattered and Sam wasn't going to let him check out early, not after just realising it. He quickly laid his brother on the bed and grabbed the med kit that was always close at hand. He had seen his brother do this for their dad many times and he had even been allowed to finish Dean's shoulder up once under John careful supervision. That had been a small cut with minimal bleeding, this was serious. He cut open Dean's shirt, exposing his gashing side. No wonder Dean had passed out, an inch or two deeper and Dean would probably be dead already. Clearing the blood as much as he could Sam poured the remnants of John's whiskey bottle over it and then as quickly as he could he got to work sowing.

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><p>Sam watched Dean sleep, his crumpled face still lined with tension. He had done his best but he had to admit that it had been a piss poor job. He knew he was going to get shit from dad for the jagged scar he had left Dean with but he couldn't help it, his hands had been shaking too much and his eyes had been blurry with tears. It was a poor excuse. Dean would have been able to do it drunk AND blindfolded.<p>

Rising from his place on the floor Sam entered the bathroom and proceeded to scrub his hands clean of blood, Dean's blood. His heart was still pounding from it all. He remembered that woman trying to twist his arm into having something stronger than a beer but seeing Dean watching him from across the room so he knew that meant he shouldn't. Dean had been keeping a close eye on him all night and when he had glared at the woman Casey, Sam's heart had jumped in his chest. Maybe she was dangerous and that's why Dean had been sending him the back off signal. Dean looked worried and annoyed and he had opened his mouth to say something when he had gasped and clutched his side. That inbred ass bag had stabbed him when Dean hadn't been looking. Sam's first reaction was shock which had been swiftly following by anger. Red rage had spewed from his mouth and he was on the man in a second. Sam might have really damaged him if he hadn't heard Dean's grunts of pain.

Sam had never imagined Dean could ever be hurt, not really. He had seen him getting stabbed but it hadn't registered Dean had been badly injured. Dean was a rock, an iron warrior that could face and defeat any foe. Seeing him in a pool of his own blood, struggling to get up had sent Sam on a one way street to freak out town. Dean's voice saying name over and over again like a prayer had been like torture. He wanted to do something he just had no fucking clue what to do. Dean was the one who took care of everything, he was the one who always had a plan. So he had just moved on autopilot and prayed to a higher power he was doing the right thing.

With a heart still cold from dread Sam made his way over to Dean's bed and curled up in front of his brother, watching him with avid eyes. He was afraid Dean might not wake up in the morning and he had no one to call for help. All he had was Dean and all he could do was curl into him and breathe his breath, proof he was still alive. His fingertips tried to smooth the stress from his face gently caressing the dark hallows around his eyes. Dean had such a beautiful face and it deserved to always be laughing, he just needed to make it through the night.


	2. These fears of ours

**Disclaimer:** _Supernatural _characters and storyline are property of Eric Kripke and associated publishers/licensers.

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><p>The throbbing in his side is what eventually brought Dean out of his black out at six o clock that morning.<em> Or is it the next morning?<em> Dean wasn't really sure but he assumed it was the same night as Sam was still wearing the same clothes. Moving very softly Dean ran his hand over Sam's hair smoothing the mess that had formed. Dean wasn't surprised to find Sam curled into him, his hands clasping Dean's front shirt. They used to always be like this. In the last few years their Dad had gotten rooms with three beds and when they couldn't afford that Sam had demanded they flip for the bed, loser getting the floor. It made sense since Sam was growing up and filling out. They weren't little kids anymore but it had still made Dean sad. He missed having Sam cuddling his side, his happy face in the morning eager for him to wake up and begging to go training.

Now, Sam's face seemed younger than ever. It was dirty and grimy and streaked with his tears. He seemed so vulnerable that Dean couldn't help but draw him closer. He smelled like innocence and bar smoke, so different from each other but perfectly describing who Sam was. A young kid naive to the world but every day looking and acting more like the man he was turning into. His face was no longer soft and childlike but angular and determined. Young all the same and covered in fearful tears right now but set and expressive. It made Dean proud and anxious all at once. Sam was his. Always had been always would be. Since the moment their father had placed Sam in Dean's arms fifteen years ago Sam had belong to Dean. He was his to protect and care for. The older Sam got the more Dean felt like he was losing him.

It was irrational he knew but Sammy was the only thing good he had, the beacon that guided his way through this messed up life of theirs. Sam was the light in the darkness that kept Dean on the straight and narrow. If Sammy didn't need him anymore then what did he have? It had occurred to Dean a long time ago that he needed Sam a lot more than Sam needed him. He knew Sam could take care of himself, didn't need the over protective mother goose constantly at his shoulder. It just wasn't in him to back off. It was ingrained into his very being to care for Sam. Sometimes he felt like he was born to be by his side, forever watchful. So he did what he did, each day conditioning himself to think of it as more like having his brothers back than being his shield.

_Sam obviously had his back,_ thought Dean with a swell of pride and affection. Sam had jumped that tool bag without hesitation and thoroughly kicked that guy's ass. If Dean hadn't been trying to keep his insides from becoming his outsides he would have cheered him on. Brushing his lips over his brother's forehead Dean thought about Sam's reaction. The swell of emotion caught in his throat and he blinked at the prickling in his eyes.

"Dean? Dean!" exclaimed Sam groggily, hugging himself tighter to Dean's chest. He was nuzzling at Dean's throat, breathing in his scent when he registered Dean's answering squeeze. He jumped in Dean's embracing arms, disbelief evident on his upturned face.

"You're awake! You're ok!"

Sam's couldn't control the sweeping happiness that infused his whole body. Dean was here with him. He wasn't going to leave him. A laugh escaped Sam's lips, nervous and edgy. He could feel the hysteria overcoming him.

"Dean! Dude I knew you were going to be ok. I knew you couldn't leave me" ranted Sam in a high pitched voice, his eyes taking on a manic look. Adrenaline surged through every fibre of his body shortening his breath and making his heart drum like thunder in his ears.

Dean tried to control himself and stay calm for Sam but the relief in his brothers voice was wrenching. Sam had been genuinely frightened Dean might die. The poor kid had spent the night hoping his brother would still be alive in the morning. It tore at his insides and eclipsed the pain piercing his side.

"Dean, are you hurting? Oh Jesus I'm squeezing you too tight!" panicked Sam as he saw Dean's eyes glisten in the light of the bedside lamp. Sam quickly tried to disentangle himself when Dean's arms closed like a vice around him.

"Wait Sammy, just wait for a bit. I just want to rest like this for a few more minutes." Dean hoped Sam hadn't noticed the catch in his voice as he settled himself enjoying the feeling of Sam in his arms. Nothing felt better than holding Sam.

In the deep recesses of his mind Dean knew that sounded weird, that it was weird. He knew needing someone that much, loving your brother that much wasn't normal for most people. But they weren't most people. Dean just figured it was just another part of the life, a symptom of facing danger so often the way they did and having lost as much as they had. He didn't even find it strange when Sam's body relaxed into his and his face nuzzled into his neck, purring sounds of approval. He just knew he liked it and held Sammy tighter.

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><p><em>Chapter two up faster than I expected. Thanks for reading and please review xx<em>


	3. A shock to the system

**Note:**This story is very rough. My first wee!chester fic and only my second story. Please read and review and tell me what you think.

**Disclaimer:** _Supernatural_characters and storyline are property of Eric Kripke and associated publishers/licensers.

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><p>Dean couldn't help but curse himself for giving into his need to be close to Sam. Holding Sam and just being together like they had when they were kids had been just what Dean's soul had needed but now he couldn't say if it had been worth it. Nothing could be worth having to put up with Sam's mothering. All day it had been "you ok Dean, you need something to eat Dean, don't touch your stitches Dean, why don't you just lie down Dean."<p>

If he heard Sam tell him what to do one more time he was going to give Sam an ugly scar of his own. And boy had that kid given him an ugly scar. He would never say it out loud but come on! Had he been high? Dad was going to pitch a fit and Dean couldn't find it in himself to object. It was obvious they had been lax on a vital piece of Sam's education. Dean was damned if he was going to go through the rest of his life relying on Sam's skill the way it was. Mans got an image to protect.

Dean shifted his position on the bed and tensed at the sharp tug in his side. Healing was a bitch and it didn't help that he was still stinking of sweat and blood. He was way past due for a shower and the last thing he needed was to get an infection. Sam would really be unbearable to live with then. Shuffling carefully into the bathroom Dean gingerly turned on the shower and waited for the water to turn hot. He was slipping out of his shoes when he heard a familiar lumbering coming up behind him.

"Dude your turning into a sasquatch! You better stop growing soon or you'll never sneak up on anyone." Teasing Sam was Dean's favourite pastime but his words rang true. Sam was going through one hell of a growth spurt and Dean couldn't banish the niggling suspicion that Sam might just be as tall as him.

"Are you having a shower?" asked Sam in his best old lady voice. It would have been funny if Dean hadn't been hearing it all day. Seriously though, he knew Sam had been through a lot the night before and it was more than any kid should have had to deal with but enough was enough. Any more of this and they were both going to start growing lady parts. This is exactly what he told Sam in _his_ best big brother voice. It was time for Dean to regain control of things and Sam would just have to deal with it.

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><p>Sam rolled his eyes begging for the strength not to throttle his brother where he stood. Dean had been unbearable all day making it hard for Sam to look after him. If dad had been there he wouldn't had even dared peep with a wound like he had. Trying to get Dean to give up control was like trying to get Dean to listen to anything other than Metallica, utterly impossible.<p>

"At least let me help you, you're going to pull on your stitches if you keep straining like that."

Sam slipped his hands under Dean's shirt and slowly lifted it over his head. It took all his will power to keep from laughing out loud from the indignation plastered on Dean's face. There was no use in lying to himself, he was enjoying this a little more than he should be. He couldn't help it though. After last night when he had cried and fallen asleep like a little child in Dean's arms he was utterly mortified. The last thing he wanted was for Dean to keep treating him like a baby. All the months of hard work trying to force Dean to see that he was grown up all went out the window. He had worked so hard too. They hadn't shared a bed in years and he had adopted Dean's patented I don't give a crap attitude. Even when he had wanted to cave and climb into bed beside Dean and just hang out the way they used to he had held himself back. When he had seen the tender look Dean had given him this morning Sam had cursed himself to hell.

Sam hooked his hands into the waist band of his brother's jeans, his knuckles brushing the skin of his taunt stomach. Unbuttoning his jeans Sam had to admire his brother's physique. Sam had always found Dean to be attractive, as strange as he knew that sounded even to him. The Winchester legacy as Dean called it. Even with his brother's assurances Sam doubted he would ever look half as good as his brother did on his worst day. Smoothing the denim over his brother's hips Sam's eyes flew to Dean's when he heard a strangled gasp from his brother. His green eyes were wide and anxious. Sam reflexively let go of his brother, guilt stinging his heart.

"Shit Dean I'm sorry. Did I touch your scar?" asked Sam already inspecting Dean's side. The gash looked angry but no more than what you expected from a knife wound. Sam caressed the skin around the area to feel if it was fiery to the touch. A tremor ran through Dean's body and he clenched his hands to his thighs.

"No I...yes! Yeah you did a bit. It's ok. Em...uh...I think I got it from here Sam." squeaked Dean in a breathless voice. Dean pushed his brother roughly away from his side, forcefully removing his little brother from the bathroom.

"But Dean your skin is flushed and clammy. I think you might be getting a fever!" was Sam's retreating answer as the bathroom door was slammed in his face.

"Christ Sammy, just give me five minutes alone to get cleaned up! What, you planning on jumping in with me and washing my back...Fuck!" came the broken voice beyond the door. Sam jumped in surprise when he heard a loud bang and a quiet curse from his hidden and suddenly enraged brother.

"...Dean...you ok in there brother?" asked Sam tentatively. This out bust had come out of nowhere and Sam was starting to really suspect his brother of having a fever. And wouldn't he just be a ray of sunshine then, he thought bitterly.

Softly, almost in a whisper his brother replied forlornly, "No...No I'm definitely not ok. Just please, please leave me be."

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><p><em>This took longer than expected, sorry. It was giving me trouble and I'm not sure how it turned out. Please review and always, thank you for reading! xx<em>


	4. Burning up

**Disclaimer:** _Supernatural_characters and storyline are property of Eric Kripke and associated publishers/licensers.

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><p>Banging his head against the tiled wall Dean uttered his favourite curse word. <em>What the hell was happening to him!<em> He had to be out of his mind. Maybe the knifing had done something more than cost him a few pints of blood? Maybe it had messed with his head. What else would explain the way he was feeling, the way his body had responded to Sam's touch? It wasn't even anything that intimate. It's not like Sam had been giving him a hand job or anything so obvious.

Just, he didn't know. One minute Sam was getting on his last nerve and the next minute Dean was caught up by the way the sunlight reflected in Sam's hazel eyes making them seem to glow and how his bangs were yet again framing his face in that way that made him look so cute. His heart had given a slow hard thump in his chest. Then he had felt Sam's hands brushing against his belly and a shock had vibrated through his body. The feel of Sam's fingers touching him in such an obviously innocent way had felt anything but innocent to Dean. If that hadn't been enough the kid had then proceeded to take off his pants. That had certainly alerted Dean to just exactly what he was starting to feel. Lust. Fucking lust! His heart was hammering wildly in his chest, threatening to break free. He didn't even hear what Sam had been saying to him, he only knew that his little brother had his face close to his lower abdomen and he was tentatively stroking his skin. His mind and body had reacted in both extremely different ways. His mind was screaming _no get away from there, _while his body was screaming, _yes just like that, good boy. _

Next thing he knew Sam was on the other side of the bathroom door and Dean had a full blown raging hard on. And why oh sweet god why had he said the thing about Sam joining him for a shower? Was he actually losing his mind?

"...Dean...you ok in there brother?" came Sam's voice quietly. He stared into the mirror at the two black empty pools that were his eyes and shook his head.

"No...No I'm definitely not ok. Just please, please leave me be," pleaded Dean in a soft frightened voice. It was finally official. After all he'd done and now this, he was without a doubt bound for hell.

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><p>Shuffling out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around his waist Dean hurriedly tried to find something clean to change into. Thankfully Sam had left a change of clothes on the bed for him. <em>Where was Sam anyway?<em> He wasn't in the room and Dean knew he wouldn't have left without telling him. That's when he saw the note on the table.

_Gone to get food and medicine. Be back in five. Sam_

_Stupid kid._ It was late in the evening and Sam knew better than to be out this late. Even more fucking mothering, thought Dean. He was actually kind of relieved that Sam wasn't there when he had come out of the bathroom. He had been in there quite awhile trying not to pay attention to his aching cock, and trying not to give in to the temptation to touch it. He had no problem jerking off in the shower with Sam in the house but to jerk off because of Sam. That was just wrong.

Dean had never felt this way before. Sure he had started to appreciate his brothers fit body whenever they changed in front of each other and he was impressed by the muscles he was starting to develop whenever they sparred but he didn't sit around thinking about it while jerking off. Ok yeah when Sam had hit puberty and would wake up with morning wood Dean would feign sleep while his brother took care of business. He wasn't spying on him. He just didn't want the kid to get embarrassed. It didn't mean anything that he would feel a thrill in his own body when he heard Sammy's rapid breathing or soft moans. He was human for christ sake! It's like not getting turn on by porn and Dean always had his own morning wood to take care of anyway so it's not like Sam had turned him on in the first place...is it? Was it the sound of Sam touching himself that gave him a hard on or was it there already? Dean wasn't sure, he'd never thought about it before. With that thought Dean started to freak out. This was too much even for a Winchester. Sam was his brother, his fifteen year old baby brother! This just proved he was a disgusting pervert just like every girl he had ever been with said.

Dean threw himself down on the bed and winced as his stitches tugged at him. He hated to admit it but he was thoroughly exhausted. The shower and worrying about his impending doom had taken it out of him. Getting injured really did suck ass. That was how Sam found his brother when he finally came back from the store a few minutes later.

"Dean you awake. I got us some food, healthy food! And medicine for you because dude, I'm serious, you have to have a fever or something," rambled on Sam without giving his brother a second glance. It took Sam about five minutes to realise that Dean hadn't given him his usual snarky comeback. Quickly walking over to the bed Sam gazed down at his sleeping brother. His hair was all ruffled and still damp from the shower which meant Dean had only just gotten out and was obviously trying to catch a cold or something. The room was freezing and Dean was supposed to be taking care of himself. Grabbing a blanket Sam lay it over his idiot brother. That's when he felt the heat emitting from his body. Knowing full well what he'd find Sam lay his hand on Dean's forehead and yes there it was, a fever!

"You stupid son of a bitch, didn't I tell you I thought you had a fever?" admonished Sam half heartily. Pulling the blanked off his feverish brother Sam went to the fridge to get a cooling Gatorade he had left in there yesterday. Dean needed to kept hydrated and he needed to be kept cool. He had also bought some ibuprofen from a nearby pharmacy for just this occasion though he knew he had to let the fever run its course for awhile to kill off what had caused it. It was going to be another sleepless night but Sam didn't really care. He was getting to take care of Dean and that's all that he really wanted.

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><p><em>So again this chapter just flew out of me. I apologise if it seems rushed. I never stop and analyse what I write because then I'd never be happy with it. Please tell me what you think of it and how the story is going. Thank you again for reading and I cant wait to find out what happens next! xx<em>


	5. Standing the heat

**Disclaimer:** _Supernatural_characters and storyline are property of Eric Kripke and associated publishers/licensers.

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><p>Pressing the damp cloth against his brother's parched lips Sam thought over the last few days and desperately tried to think of something else he could do. Dean had fallen fast into a frightening fever. It had been three days since he had been injured and Sam was seriously starting to consider going to the hospital. He knew that was a worst case scenario decision but he was out of options. Their father had called just after Dean's fever had started and against his better judgement and with a lot of pleading and pouting from Dean Sam had lied and said everything was all right. Dean didn't want their father distracted while on a hunt and "it being his entire fault anyway" he couldn't lay this on his shoulders. Sam had given in. How could he not when Dean had looked so intense and Sam had never heard his voice sound so close to begging before.<p>

Now Sam was starting to think he should have ignored Dean and told their dad everything. It hadn't seemed so serious when Dean had been awake and tearing him a new one for leaving the motel so late at night, but now Dean was starting to not make sense and falling into long frightening sleeps. Twice now Sam had hauled Dean's ass into the bathroom for a tepid bath. It had been hell. Dean's fever was burning so hot from his body Sam had to strip off his own excess clothing just to be around him but Dean was shivering and begging to be kept warm. Getting him into the bath had nearly broken Sam. He never wanted to hear those keening cries from Dean ever again. It shook him to his core to hear Dean whimper.

Though the baths were helping they weren't doing enough. Sam was now praying the ibuprofen was going to work its magic on Dean's poor weathered body.

"Sammy...Sam..." moaned Dean in his strung out voice, the same way he had been all day. Underneath all the twisted worry Sam was feeling over his brother he couldn't stop the pleasant clench in his heart. Dean hadn't let Sam go for hours, always calling for him, never their father, never anyone else. It made Sam melt to know he was the only one Dean wanted with him through this. Sure it might just be the fever talking but he didn't care. Sam wasn't sure why it matter to him that he was the only one Dean wanted, he didn't know why he felt so happy holding Dean in his arms. Maybe it was because this was proof Dean saw him as an equal or needed him as much as he himself needed Dean?

Sam didn't want Dean ever realising how much he needed him in his life. Not just because their dad was gone all the time or because of the hunts they were forced to go on but because of how Dean himself made his life complete in some way. It was all the small things that were Dean that made up the happiest moments of Sam's life. From waking up in the morning to see Dean's self satisfied smile to him asking him all about his day when Dean picked him up from school. It was Dean letting him go out on a hustling job when their dad wasn't around and always remembering his birthday and getting him something _he_ wanted not what their dad thought he should have. It was the way he ruffled his hair and winked at him before they fell asleep at night. Dean wasn't just his brother or even his best friend, Dean was his everything! With every passing day Sam realised it more and more. He just hoped to god Dean hadn't realised it either.

If Dean ever found out about it Sam wasn't sure what he would do. Part of him thought Dean would just laugh and call him a chick. Another more frightened part worried Dean might think it was a weakness, a weakness Dean might think he had caused in Sam that might end up with him getting hurt. Deep inside, Sam knew that's exactly what Dean would think and he would be right. Sam had decided long ago that he would never let anything or anyone take Dean away from him, ever. As long as Sam was by Dean's side he would protect what they had. He would have his brother's back and "they" would just have to go through him to get to his brother. He would keep safe the only good thing in his life even if it meant never letting Dean figure out how much everything depended on him.

These were the things running through Sam's mind as he wiped the perspiration from his limp brother's forehead. Dean would think he was a freak if he ever found out the crazy things he thought about him while he lay awake in bed in the morning. He _was_ a freak. No normal person would be like this about their family, or in his case about their brother. There wasn't a word he could use to describe it. Once he had thought it was passionate, passionate about his brother, but that had really made him feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was the right word but the meaning behind it made him feel confused and anxious. God, why was it so hard to figure himself out?

Snapping away from his own frustrating thoughts Sam focused on his brother as he twisted in his grasp, his hot breath bathing his face. It was a reversal of the night Dean had been stabbed with Sam being the one to hold and comfort, while Dean was now the one clinging to his neck, making happy sounds that were muffled against his skin. Yeah, it really felt good to have Dean need him, and wasn't that just all kinds of fucked up?

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><p><em>This going too slow for ye guys? Sorry I just like to flesh things out before I get down to it ;) I need to understand where these guys are coming from and what they are thinking and feeling before I get them to do the things I want them to and to find that out I need to write. So basically this story is steering itself, I just type. Please let me know how you think its going. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read it. xx<em>


	6. While you were sleeping

**Disclaimer:** _Supernatural_characters and storyline are property of Eric Kripke and associated publishers/licensers.

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><p>Hot hands clutched his fevered body as a small moan vibrated across the silent room. Crimson was everywhere. It was in the air, on his skin, pounding through his body and pumping through his blood. It was too much and not enough, it felt so good. He was straining for more, needed to feel more. He couldn't stop the moans that escaped him and he didn't really want to, he just wanted more of this. A hot tongue trailed a path of blazing pleasure along his stomach as strong hands curled in his hair.<br>"Sammy.."  
>He needed to cum and he needed to cum now. Grabbing urgently at the body above him he ground his aching member harder into it. He was so close and the moans were coming faster filling the room with erotic music. He just needed to hear his name said and it would be all over.<br>"Say it!" he pleaded as his body moved faster.  
>Emerald green eyes peered up at him and sultry whispered it again. "Sammy.."<p>

And with a strangled cry Sam was suddenly awake. The room was dark and the only sound was of laboured breathing. It was a familiar experience and somehow sort of comforting. Sam's heart was racing in his chest and he could still feel little aftershocks from the wet dream he'd just had. It had been one of his more vivid dreams, one of the best. Sam closed his eyes briefly, trying to capture the images his minds had created but the wetness in his pants made it impossible. With a sigh he got out of bed to change and as an afterthought to check on his brother. Dean's fever had finally broken and thought he was still weak the crippling fear had vanished. Strangely Dean was still in Sam's bed even thought he was no longer sick. Sam didn't mind even if he didn't understand it. It probably explained the dream he'd just had.

Splashing cold water on his face Sam tried to find shame and disgust inside him but all he could feel was satisfaction. It wasn't the first time he'd sexually fantasised about his brother, asleep or awake and it certainly wouldn't be the last time. The first time it had happened had been many years ago and he's given up trying to change or punish himself for it. He was sick and he didn't care. He wasn't hurting anybody and he hadn't acted on it, he valued his relationship with Dean too much to do that. So as a consolation prize he thought every dirty sexy thing he wanted to about his sex dream inducing brother. Sam could usually keep his fantasies contained until it grew dark and he was alone but sometimes when Dean said his name just right he would get a little hard. It was his guilty pleasure and his biggest secret. Dean was his world and Sam had come to terms with the fact that it included wanting to lick his body from head to toe. It was hardly surprising; Dean had that effect on every one. Sam took some comfort in the fact that it was probably just his teenage hormones and that yes he was attracted to some men and he would probably grow out of this lusty obsession for his brother as he grew older. Only time would tell really.

Getting back into bed Sam curled up behind his brother happily content and totally unaware that Dean was wide awake and helplessly trying to ignore the erection straining in his pants.

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><p><em>This is long overdue and kind of rushed. Sorry. I dont know how this sits with the feel of the whole story so your impute would be so helpful. Thank you! xx<em>


	7. A good brother

**Disclaimer:** _Supernatural _characters and storyline are property of Eric Kripke and associated publishers/licensers.

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><p>Sliding into the tub of hot water Dean closed his eyes in relief. It had been so long since he had been alone that he was close to breaking point. The last few days had really taken their toll on the young hunter. He had been stabbed and gotten an infection resulting in a few tense days of danger. He had also discovered that he fancied the pants off his fifteen year old little brother and his new favourite pass time was watching said brother come in his shorts. It's not every day you realise you're a twisted fuck and it really deserved some time alone for contemplation.<p>

Seeing Sam bucking into the mattress, moaning wantonly had made Dean so hot he was sure his fever had returned. It had taken all of his control not to lean over and lick the sweat running down his brother's neck. Dean had nearly given in when Sam had started moaning the word please over and over, like he was talking right to him, begging him to finish it. It had been too much, too much and not nearly enough. Dean wasn't sure if he was going to be able to control himself for very long. They needed out of this motel like yesterday!

Sam had no idea what he was doing to him. He had even helped him get into the bath not moments ago and Dean hadn't the strength to stop him. The fever had robbed him of energy and he suspected a part of him just didn't want to send Sam away. He was playing with fire. It was hard to think of Sam as his young innocent brother when he was always touching him and rutting against him at night moaning like he was the world's greatest porn star.

Dean had looked away for a moment and in that time Sam had grown up. He was strong and capable and sexy as hell. It didn't even bother him that he was attracted to another guy, he could see the appeal in it, he just had never wanted to give it a try. Women were always available and more often than not obliging. The problem was that he didn't just see the appeal of Sam, he ached for him. Dean wasn't a deep thinker as a rule but he had his moments. There is nothing like having a near death experience to make you realise what you have been ignoring. Life had a way of cluing you in. Dean didn't just love his brother; he didn't just live for him. He wanted him like he had never wanted anything else in his life. Admitting that was hard but accepting it was easier. Dean could accept he was a monster because it meant he knew what he had to do and what he certainly could never do. He could never make a play for Sam. He could never hurt him with this.

A soft knock on the bathroom door brought Dean out of his daze. The water had cooled a bit and he hadn't even started washing himself yet.  
>"Dean, are you ready to come out now?" asked Sam as he pushed open the door to the steam filled room.<br>"Sorry dude, I must have spaced out. I'll be ready in ten minutes," answered Dean in a worn out voice.

Sam gazed at his naked brother reaching for the sponge, his movements heavy and forced. He hated seeing Dean so weak and fragile yet saw this for the opportunity it was. Without a word Sam took the sponge from his brother and started soaping up Dean's back.  
>"Dude seriously, no need. I can wash myself. At least leave me with some dignity!" pleaded Dean, his voice conveying his distress.<br>"Oh hush up, it's nothing I haven't seen before and I've seen geriatrics moving faster than you are right now." Sam didn't add that this was like a dream come true and he couldn't pass up on an opportunity to touch and linger over his brother's body. He was just being a good brother and getting to perv was just an added bonus.

Settling down into the tub Dean gave up. He didn't have the strength to argue, let alone fight Sam on this, and also it felt nice. He had been covered in sweat and blood for days and while he would never admit it, it did feel good having Sam take care of him a little bit. He tried not to think about how nice it was to have Sam caressing him either, that wasn't important.

Sam watched his older brother close his eyes, sighing appreciatively as he moved the sponge over his brother's taut muscles. He tried to keep his breathing slow and even as he let his gaze drop. It had been awhile since he had seen it and it took his breath away. Sam realised his imagination hadn't been doing Dean justice. It was more than he had picture. Sam felt like he was in a trance as he gazed at his brother's cock beneath the still water. There suddenly wasn't enough air in the small bathroom as his pants tighten around his erection. He was in very dangerous territory but he couldn't seem to care. He had wanted this chance, this innocent excuse to feed his hunger and now he was afraid this morsel had only pushed him closer to a line he had sworn he would never cross.

Without any conscious thought Sam's hands began to move over Dean's body wiping away the stress of the last few days. The sponge glided down Dean's chest; bring forth a happy murmur from his near catatonic brother. A silence descended as Sam held his breath. He felt like a spell had been cast over Dean, the gentle lapping of water lulling him, making him susceptible to Sam's want. Desire burned through him, dulling his thoughts and silencing his conscience. All he could feel was his need to just keep touching. He wet his lips as his hand trailed lower down Dean's body, his eyes never leaving the part of Dean that had been hidden from him for so long. His fingers trailed a path of longing down Dean's abdomen and he exhaled a breath of triumph when Dean's member stirred to life. He was so enraptured by the sight that it took him a moment to realise that the heavy gasps filling the steaming room were not his own. Looking up Sam met Dean's heavy lidded gaze. His lips were parted as he panted for air and his face flushed. Sam knew it wasn't from the water but from his own caresses. Staring into his brother's hazy green eyes Sam dropped his hand that extra inch and changed their relationship forever.

Dean couldn't stop the moan that escaped his throat. Sam's gentle touching had eased his body into submission and his own lust held him prisoner. Another gasp arched his body as Sam took him firmly in hand. The heat of it sent a shock of pleasure though him and made him rock hard. The spell was broken as his heart pounded in his chest. Fire burned deep within him and he grasped Sam's wrist, a desperate last attempt to stop this. His words were trapped as Sam moved, his hand expertly dragging up and Dean's body convulsed as a red hot fire shot straight to his cock.

"Uh fuck..god!" groaned Dean as his mind was blown.

They held each others gaze and Dean could feel his brother's determination and lust. Sam's eyes we heated and his hand was sure as he set a devastating pace, letting Dean's moans washed over him, spurring him on. He had always wanted to see Dean like this, make him like this. He had never felt more powerful than he did right now, twisting his wrist, controlling his brother.

Unable to restrain himself any longer Sam leaned forward and licked a trail of blazing fire along Dean's exposed neck. He smelt like sex and danger. He was so hot and so good and Sam couldn't get enough of his taste. A slave to Sam's will, Dean bucked into his heated fist, groaning with each thrust. Sam gasped into Dean's hot skin as he freed his own cock from his jeans, unable to just watch anymore. He needed to find his own release at seeing his brother writhing beneath his hand.

He grazed Dean's skin as his brother turned towards him, capturing his mouth in a fevered kiss, too far gone to care any more. It was velvet and wet and Sam couldn't help but moan into Dean's mouth and clutch himself tighter. It was everything he had ever imagined in his dreams. Better it was Dean, really Dean giving and taking from him, wanting him like Sam had fantasied he would.

He was already so close. Dean's tongue assaulted him relentlessly as they held on to each other. They broke apart gasping as Sam moaned his brother's name. Dean looked down at Sam's cock, hot and hard as Sam jerked them off together. It was too much, Sam was too god damn good. He was nearing the end as he fucked Sam's hand wildly. Pressing their foreheads together they breathed each other in, feeling each other spasm. Sam could feel Dean's body tensing up and knew he was about to come. He raced him to finish, pulling the orgasm from his brother's body.

"SAM, Sammy.." cried Dean as he shook from the force of the pleasure being ripped out of him. Sam cried out as Dean called his name, no longer able to hold on and he spilled all over his hand as he came hard on the cold bathroom floor. Dean's moans and his ultimate trigger had sent him over the edge.

Panting loudly, the brothers collapsed against each other, trying to catch their breath. They let the moments pass as they tried to compose themselves, each too affected to speak. Eventually Dean stilled and looked down at his younger brother with eyes filled with shock and guilt. Sam wasn't surprised when he spoke.

"Fuck!"

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><p><em>So I just jumped right in there. I haven't done a lot of these scene so I hope it flowed ok. Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think and what mistakes I have made because I always have a few. Enjoy xx<em>


	8. I confess

Struggling into his jeans Dean tried to think, to just reboot his brain and think for a second about what had happened, which was easier said than done. His movements where clumsy and frantic, disobeying his commands, probably because he was still weak from the fever, more likely though because he had just been given the best orgasm of his life courtesy of one Sam Winchester, baby brother. _How had that happened? Was that just one very vivid, graphic hallucination? God I hope so. _

Dean knew he was freaking out but he was taking it in his stride. Of course he was freaking out. He had spent a good 48 hours fantasizing about getting his hands all over his little brother's hot body, tormenting himself with scenarios that would lead to skin on skin contact, punishing himself for being a sick, twisted excuse for a human and resolving to never ever touch Sam again even in an innocent way, when all that had been blown to shit by a fifteen year old with a hard on. It was like a fantasy had been pulled out of Dean's head and someone had pressed play. It was fucking with Dean's mind and he couldn't even get a minute to sort himself out because no sooner had he heard the word fuck echoing off the bathroom walls had he registered the growling sound of their fathers jeep coming to a halt outside the motel. Daddy was home and Dean had cum all over his chest. A sound he will deny to his dying day escaped his throat and he turned to Sam with eyes filled with fear. Sam smoothly rose to his feet and kissed Dean on the mouth as if they did it every day.

"Get dressed Dean, it's going to be ok," he whispered softly, giving Dean a small sympathetic smile. It was Sam's easy reassurance that snapped Dean out of his orgasm induced haziness and into action. It was one thing for Sam to take Dean by surprise and jerk him off when his defences were down, it was something else entirely for Sam to start comforting Dean like he was somehow in need of it. That was just not on.

* * *

><p>Four hours later Dean is outside the motel staring at how pretty his baby looked. Covered in dirt and blood his precious impala was looking exactly how he liked her, dangerous. Their dad had given Dean the third degree and also had sentenced him to a life of distrust. Dean didn't blame him. He had nearly gotten himself killed, it could have easily been Sam who had been hurt and if Dean was also punishing himself for crimes his father didn't know about then that was his business.<p>

The sound of lumbering feet scuffing the dirt road was Dean's only warning that his reprieve was going to be short lived, tall and self satisfied had decided to make an appearance. Steeling himself for the conversation he was about to undoubtedly struggle through, Dean turned to watch as Sam approached him, mouth smug but his eyes serious. Before he could draw a breath to speak Sam was already cutting him off.

"Dean...man, fuck, I have no idea what to say to you. I'm...sorry. I have no excuse; I can't believe I allowed myself to take advantage of you like that. I can't believe I even did that," stammered Sam, clear regret shinning in his eyes. Sam stood awkwardly on one leg, his arms crossed in front on his body looking for all the world like a little child who had broken his brothers favourite toy. Blinking slowly Dean scrambled to find something to say to this.

"Eh, what now?"

"Listen I know this is probably too little too late but, well, I have been kind of confused lately, about...well, my sexuality. God saying that I sound a total douche! Seriously though, I know you probably don't want to look at me right now and probably are so disgusted with me but I think I was just so frustrated and then there you were all naked and wet and I think it really just hit me, dude you like guys and then...well you know what then, but I seriously didn't mean for that to happen. I'm so so sorry Dean!" panted Sam finally, a single tear caressing his face. Dean had never been so horrified in his whole life. Sam was confessing to being gay. Sam liked guys. Sam thought this was his fault. Sam is nearly crying. Instinct and a life time of training took over and suddenly Sam was in his arms, his thin frame shaking.

"Sam, Sammy no, just no," breathed Dean trying to find the words to make it right.

"How can you say that? I used you like an experiment! I knew I might have a thing for guys and I used you to prove it to myself, who does that?"

Dean couldn't listen to one more word. Sam was after giving him an out from having a much worse conversation but he couldn't listen to Sam berate himself when Dean knew what was living in his own heart, something much darker.

"I didn't say no. I could have stopped you," sighed Dean.

"Yeah right! Who says no to a free hand job?!" scoffed Sam giving Dean his 'how do you live' look.

"Listen man, it's not the point. Ok? I'm not angry. I'm not angry about what happened and I'm not angry your gay, you are, gay yeah?" asked Dean uncertainly. _Like no chicks?_

"Yeah Dean, after today I think we can safely write down in the books that I am gay," smiled Sam ruefully.

"Well ok dude! That's great, well not great, I mean not bad! Fuck, sorry, I'm just happy if you're happy," Dean practically yelled at him, finishing off in a helpless huff. He was so not equipped for this. Sam took pity on him and gave him a warm hug, sighing in relief.

"Thanks Dean, you really are the best you know?" whispered Sam, his breath ghosting Dean's ear sending a quiver down to his toes. Coughing slightly Dean untangled himself and gave Sam a playful but firm shove in the direction of the motel, gifting Sam with an expressive eye roll. Dean silently sent up a prayer of thanks to whatever deity that was shining down on him that this thing was now laid to rest, all it needed was a good salt and burn.

"No Dean, really, you ARE the best! You were...quite impressive," drawled Sam with a suggestive leer downwards. A quick wink and then he was gone, leaving Dean gaping and flushed.

_What the fucking hell was tha__t!_

* * *

><p>Walking back to the motel Sam allowed the smirk that he had been hiding finally set free. Phase one of his plan was under way. Confess to Dean about being gay and take all the blame onto himself relieving Dean of any feelings of guilt, check. Have a bit of a cry to bring out Dean's protective side, check. Throw in a bit of confusing flirtation to keep firmly in Dean's mind that yes it did actually happened, baby brother got you off and he fucking loved it and so did you, check and check! Dean was going to break, Sam was sure of it.<p>

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><p><em>Oh my god guys, I'm so sorry for the longest wroters block ever! It was killing me not to write but I couldn't get my words out. I was so relieved today when they started popping into my head. Thank you for staying with this. Ye are the best! More is definately coming!<em>


	9. Exertion

The sound of his ragged breath is frighteningly loud and blissfully familiar. The pounding blood keeps time with his feet hitting pavement. It's a punishing pace and exactly what he needs. Dean can't get enough of the training that is more familiar to him then home cooked meals and lazy Sundays. His brain is peacefully quiet and his body is in total control, more control than he has been allowing it of late. Only here, alone in the woods, far from prying eyes and insistent questions does Dean allow himself to be free. His body, finally back to full health and desperate for a bit of strenuous activity, is sweating through his clothes. The pull of his muscles and the burn of exertion is a thrill he will never tire of.

Still, he can feel it building in him again, slow and steady but unstoppable. The pressure starts to mount inside of him as his thoughts begin their litany of torture, his heart beat racing from all the emotions trying to force their way out. He picks up the pace, no longer jogging but full out sprinting as if he could out run all of this and never see or feel it again. The rage, of course is breaking through. It always does, so predictable, like clockwork. His body is shaking now, trying to keep this going, trying to last until this wave passes too. Yes, there it is, boiling over, pure primal animal hate, a tiger trapped and fighting for freedom, his scream echoing and then thankfully fading away. It drains him, leaching every feeling he could muster out of his body. He slows down before he falls down, his feet unstable beneath him. For ten sweet minutes all he has is the sound, his breath silencing his thoughts, the thunder of his heart painful now only because of his punishing routine.

It helps, it's not enough but it help when things are starting to become too much. When the thought, THE thought inevitably pops into his head again and cripples him. It grabs him physically, holding him still so he can feel it tear his heart open and leave him bleeding out. There. He can feel it creeping in the distance. He can out run it for now, hopes he can out run it forever because he can never, ever confront it. It's a useless exercise, but it is all he can do because...

He can never leave them. That is not an acceptable option, which can never happen, he will not do that. That is a certainty, his only foundation, the rock keeping him standing. And when reality creeps in, when he is devastated by the truth of "I can't stay, I have to leave, he's MY BROTHER" slams into him trapping him against his rock he runs, runs as hard and as fast as his evil traitorous body will let him as he tries not to go crazy once more.

He CAN'T leave them, but he can't stay. There. It's coming again. With a gasp Dean takes off running once again. He'll run forever if he can.

* * *

><p><em>Yes I am literally the worst ever! I have no excuse for this being so late. Please forgive me?<em>


	10. Phase two

It was supposed to be over. It was almost perfect in how simple it all was. There was a confession, an excuse and forgiveness, hell there was even smiles and hugs. It couldn't have been easier, for Sam. And there is the catch. For Sam there was an excuse, it was perfect for Sam because now he could move on, guilt free, maybe even happier with himself, but not for Dean. Dean now had to live with his new self realisation forever and it was not a light burden. You don't get to taste the inside of your baby brother's mouth, like it and then just move on, not if you have any kind of conscience anyway!

He tries not letting his guard down, tries to keep himself vigilant and every day it's nearly enough. Months have passed since Sammy's little adventure into Dean's pants and Dean still finds himself lingering over the memory. He has fucked almost every piece of tail he has come across, even ventured into the world of homosexuality and nothing gets his rocks off like Sammy. The memory of his touch, how his eyes had looked as he had stared at his cock. Sam's dick spasm as he had come. Not even the twins in Georgia could out do that.

In short Sam is driving him crazy! The memory of him and Sam's presence are making it hard for Dean to actually live. If getting a bit of Sam had spurred Dean into getting a bit of action it had turn Sam into an outright little slut. Ok maybe that was a bit harsh. He wasn't fucking everything with legs but for Sam, in Sam's case, as in Sam normal Sam, Sam was being a Sam slut. If it moved and had a dick Sam took notice, and if appealed to him, he took action. Ok so maybe action only went as far as flirtatious smiles and then that one time he had actually taken that guy's number but it was the Sam equivalent of bending over and spreading himself and it was driving Dean mad. Like I might just get my gun mad and if you look at him again I'll kill you mad. Dean doesn't know what to do with himself. Having seen that side of Sam, catching that small glimpse is making Dean crave more, it's making him jealous of every smile or glance anybody else gets from him. He's always been protective of Sam. Now he is protective and possessive. He doesn't want some sleaze showing Sam all the amazing things he could feel, HE wants to show Sam all the amazing things he make him feel and it is eating him up inside. If only Sam knew what his tentative first steps into the physical were doing to Dean. The thought of Sam being touched by anyone else, touching anyone else, down on his knees, his perfect mouth..blind whiteout rage and a fear he has never felt before.

He could maybe live with Sam being with other people, other guys, but he can't seem to manage even the thought of Sam...loving someone else. He can't love them, he can't leave him. That thought leaves Dean gasping for breath and fighting off a panic attack worse than any he has ever felt before. Sam is his world. If Dean is the dark then Sam is the light, the only thing that keeps Dean from sinking into a world of evil and being taken over by it, because deep down in that place were Dean can be truly honest with himself he knows that without Sam, he would willing cast all of his morality aside and become something deadly.

Stirring yet more sugar into his coffee cup Dean quietly reflects again on how fucked his life has become, sending his best 'go die' glare at the waiter making eyes at Sam, and Sam making eyes back, which irrationally kind of hurts.

"Dude, what is your deal? He seems nice and totally likes me, stop giving him hunter eyes!" hissed Sam furiously at him, going bright red at the statement, like anyone fancying him is still a mystery. If only the kid knew how many people look at him like they wanted to tie him to their bed. Dean knows how many because he has death glared all of them away.

"I don't like him Sammy, you can do better than that" he growled back, knowing full well no one was ever going to be good enough.

A blush blossomed across Sam's cheeks and his eyes turned soft which did strange things to Dean's insides. Coughing awkwardly Dean took a gulp of his too sweet, too hot coffee and tried not to choke on it while he let the moment pass. Licking his lips thoughtfully Sam tilted his head and murmured something unintelligible beneath his breath which Dean had a sneaky suspicion sounded like jerk.

"Fine! You want to get all nasty with every Tom, Dick and unwashed Harry we come across that's your business; I'm just trying to look out for you. Or at least make sure you don't get the clap!" he went on trying to give Sam his best 'I know what I'm on about' face, which he suspected didn't have as much sway over Sam as he would have liked.

"Hey I have standards! I am just not implementing them right now because of the raging boner that's been plaguing me for weeks! I just need to take the edge off and that unwashed Harry looks like he's up for the job," complained Sam, his frustration and want lacing every word. Dean had never heard Sam talk so bluntly and it sent a jolt of heat shoot straight to his groin.

"Christ Sammy, don't say shit like that, I'm not able to handle that mental picture!" The words were out of his mouth before he would stop them and his face flamed with embarrassment at the implication. Heart racing at his careless fumble, Dean was up and out of the diner before Sam could close his gaping mouth, a muttered 'see you back at the motel' drifting back to him. Dean suddenly felt an uncontrollable urge to go for a run.

* * *

><p>Leaning back carefully Sam slowly brings Dean's coffee cup to his mouth, tasting where Dean had tasted. It's a small thrill but it still makes his lips tingle. Dean was being so careful around him now. He had known he would be, had known Dean would be severe with himself, even cruel to himself. Dean is so predictable it's almost laughable, if it didn't leave Sam so knotted up inside to see it. The sooner this planned worked and was over the better for all of them. He doesn't know how much longer he can stand to see Dean punish himself. He just has to stay focused on the plan. Giving into what he wants, trying to take from Dean what he's not ready to give would ruin everything, and Sam is not going to lose Dean. If Dean getting stabbed in that bar had been good for anything it was hammering home how much Sam can't live without Dean.<p>

Closing his eyes Sam blocks out everything but the way Dean had looked at Sam as his face had gone red. Desperate, his big brother had looked positively desperate. Hopefully this wasn't going to take much longer.

Throwing some bills on the counter Sam gets up and walks out of the diner never once looking back or even acknowledging the handsome waiter trying to catch his eye.

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><p><em>To say sorry I have two chapters up together. Not much story progression I know but these guys really need to sort out how they are feeling. xx<em>


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