Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

For dogdaysofsummer 2009: August 1st.

***

Remus stood in the town square of Godric's Hollow, staring on in horror at the sight before him. The Death Eaters had conjured a blaze of fiendfyre before disapperating, which had consequently engulfed the stone memorial for Lily and James Potter, leaving Remus to look on helplessly as the stone began to melt and disintegrate under the strain of dark magic.

He rubbed angrily at the hot tears that burned his eyes.

"Remus!" Tonks yelled at him from somewhere off to his right. "We have to go!"

Four loud cracks echoed in the square, informing Remus that the rest of the Order had disapperated, leaving him alone as the fire continued to burn out of control. He could see dragons and serpents in the flames, attacking and eating the stone as if they were real creatures devouring his friends.

The fiendfyre made short work of the monument before it faded into the night when the last stone crumbled. Hot ash blew in the evening breeze, scorching his skin and robes, but he didn't notice.

Unable to support himself any longer, the werewolf fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands, giving in to the tears that he had held at bay for sixteen years.


	2. Chapter 2

For dogdaysofsummer 2009: August 2nd.

***

"_Moony?" Sirius' voice is uncharacteristically soft. Remus could tell there is another emotion hidden in the simple question, though he is unable to identify it right away._

"_Yeah, Pads?" Remus replied, swimming in lazy circles around the larger boy. "What is it?"_

"_There aren't any…" Sirius trailed off. Remus stopped swimming to study him._

"_Any what?" the young werewolf prompted. He unconsciously moved closer to his friend, leaving only mere inches between their bare, wet chests._

"_There aren't any **sharks**_ _in here, right?" Sirus whispered uncertainly, his eyes quickly glancing around him as if the question would summon a horde of angry creatures to attack the unsuspecting swimmers._

_Remus burst into amused laughter and pushed away from the other boy to float on his back. "No, Sirius," he replied between peals of laughter. "Sharks are saltwater creatures that live in the ocean. We're in a fresh water lake. You have as much a chance of seeing a shark here as you do of seeing Severus Snape do the hustle in a lime green leisure suit."_

_He raised his eyebrows in a way that always reminded Remus of Sirius' pureblood upbringing, before he replied, "I don't know what that means."_


	3. Chapter 3

_Walking around in our summertime clothes,  
Nowhere to go while our bodies glow  
And we'll greet the dawn in its morning blues  
With purple yawn, you'll be sleeping soon  
And I want to walk around with you_

***

"_Sirius?" Moony whispered into the darkness, his eyes focused outward where the waves crashed onto the shore._

"_Hmm?" Sirius replied just as softly, watching as the waves flashed green from what Remus had called 'Red Tide.'_

"_Fancy a walk?"_

_Sirius grinned at his friend. "After you," he replied as he put his hand on Remus' back and shoved him off the lifeguard tower._

"_Bloody hell!" Moony moaned from the sand below, his words almost drowned out by Sirius' laughter._

"_Get down here, you tosser!" Remus said when he stood up and brushed the sand from his bare knees, grabbing for Sirius' swinging legs and hauling him off as well._

_Sirius' laughter was cut short as he fell on top of Remus, pinning the smaller man against the sand. _

"_Hi," Sirius smiled down at his friend._

"_Hi," Remus replied from his position beneath Sirius. He was a warm, welcome weight, and Remus tensed when he realized the position they were in. It was not a position that friends usually found themselves in._

_Remus' thoughts were quickly cut off when Sirius captured his lips in a gentle kiss. He responded immediately, opening his mouth to the man above him and welcoming him to explore. Hands roamed freely as the kiss continued, running over swim trunks and under t-shirts, trying to get as close to the other as possible._

_The pair got lost in each other, losing track of time as they rolled in the damp sand, until the darkness began to fade into the light blue of dawn. They broke apart, both panting for breath as they watched the other for any sign of awkwardness. There were none._

_Sirius broke the comfortable stillness by burying his head against Remus' collarbone to stifle a yawn._

"_You owe me a walk," Remus teased._


	4. Chapter 4

***

_Sirius kept his head down while Remus paid for a Muggle newspaper from the stand on the street corner, his eyes scanning the titles of the unfamiliar publications quickly as he shifted from foot to foot, anxious to get out of the streets and back to the relative safety of their flat._

"_Oh, she would," he muttered darkly, catching sight of a pair of familiar blue eyes staring up at him, unmoving, from one of the many glossy covers._

"_Who would what?" Remus hissed as he waited for his change. He glanced around, looking for any sign of trouble in the Muggle street, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary._

"_My cousin, Diana, is pawning herself off as Muggle royalty," Sirius rolled his eyes. "Apparently she just married the Muggle prince."_

"_What?!" Remus choked on the breath he had attempted to inhale. Diana getting married was the last bit of news he'd ever expected to hear, and to a Muggle, no less. "Isn't she the one who is always going off about Muggle-borns being inferior, and the purity of blood, and all that load of drivel?"_

"_They all do that," Sirius agreed. "But yes, you're thinking of the right one."_

"_What's she doing marrying the Muggle prince, then?" Remus was curious. He took his change and pulled gently on Sirius' arm as they quickly made their way home._

"_Dunno," Sirius replied truthfully. "But I'd be willing to bet ten galleons he won't live to see the end of the week."_


	5. Chapter 5

***

_Remus unlocked the door with trepidation. There were no lights on, even though the sun had been down for over an hour, and his senses were on high alert._

_Since getting out of Azkaban, Sirius had an overwhelming need for lights to be blazing. It helped keep the nightmares at bay, Remus knew, so he had gotten used to every light in the house being turned on as soon as the sun began to set._

_But tonight, the house was dark and silent._

"_Padfoot?" Remus whispered softly. The wards hadn't been tripped or tampered with, Remus noted, causing his worry to increase tenfold at the foreboding feeling hanging in the air._

_With his wand out and fully alert to even the slightest movement he made his way through the apartment in search of Sirius. The front room was clean and empty, as were the hallway, bedroom, and bathroom._

"_Padfoot?" Remus called again, louder this time, and unable to hide the mild panic that was beginning to set in. __**Where was he?**__ It wasn't a large flat, nor was there any reason he would have left. Cautiously he walked back to the kitchen, the only room he hadn't checked._

_He inhaled sharply at the sight before him._

_Sirius was on the floor with his knees drawn up against his chest, leaning against the side of the Muggle icebox. His eyes were closed tightly and his face was buried against his bony knees. His body shook uncontrollably._

_Remus' heart wrenched when he realized the shaking was due to sobbing. The other man let out a sob that sounded like a wounded animal, which Remus knew it probably was, and it spurred him forward._

_He knelt in front of Sirius and drew him into a warm embrace, wrapping his arms delicately around the still trembling form of his best friend and lover._

_Sirius clung to him like a man drowning in the middle of the ocean, letting go of his own knees in order to wrap his impossibly thin limbs around Remus and hold on as tightly as he could. His face was buried into Remus neck, his tears dampening the collar of the werewolf's shabby robes._

"_I'm here, Pads," Remus whispered near his ear, one arm wrapped around the broken man and the other in his tangled hair. "I'm not going anywhere."_

_Sirius shook harder at the words, his grip tightening on Remus, causing the slender man to squeeze Sirius close against his body. _

"_I'm not," Remus repeated, unsure which of them he was trying to convince._

"_I know," Sirius mouthed silently against his neck between gasps for breath. "I trust you."_

_As they continued to hold each other late into the night, Remus began to wonder if he had imagined Sirius' words. It wouldn't be the first time._


	6. Chapter 6

_So we are taking off our masks, are we, and keeping  
our mouths shut? as if we'd been pierced by a glance!_

***

On his knees in the street, Remus shivered uncontrollably from memories that had nothing to do with the humid night.

***

"_I can't do it," Sirius told James quietly. "You have to choose someone else."_

"_You're my best mate," James was confused. "I trust you with my life."_

"_And every death eater in the country knows that," Sirius tried to convince him. "If they want to get to you, they know they can get to you through me. They'll never expect you to use someone else."_

"_I guess," James was hesitant. "Is that the only reason?"_

_It wasn't, but if Sirius was to admit that there was another reason, he would have to finally admit that he had suspicions about his lover. Suspicions he had been trying to ignore for the better part of three months._

_He would have to admit that something had changed in Remus, something he couldn't put his finger on. Something dark that caused his trust to waver for the first time since they met when they were eleven years old. But so long as his doubts remained unspoken, then he could pretend they weren't actually there, couldn't he?_

"_It would just be safer this way," is all he said._


	7. Chapter 7

***

"_Merlin ," Sirius moaned, collapsing onto the bed next to his lover and closing his eyes._

_Remus opened his eyes just the slightest bit to look at the boy next to him. "Merlin isn't here."_

"_You…" Sirius' retort was cut off by a yawn. "You know what I mean." He reached for Remus' hand where it was hanging off the bed and entwined their fingers._

"_I really don't," Remus teased. "But you always have trouble mistaking me for Merlin, so I'll have to forgive you."_

_Sirius opened his eyes in narrow slits to keep the morning sun out. "What are you talking about?" he asked. "You're my Moony."_

_A cheeky grin danced across Remus' face before he spoke again. In a too-high voice, Remus mocked him, "Oh! Merlin! You're SO good!"_

_Remus managed to duck the flying pillow by rolling on top of his partner, continuing his impression of Sirius, "You're still so tight! I'll never get tired of this."_

_Sirius tried to hide the blush that was quickly spreading to his ears, but it was impossible to stop the radiating heat when Remus was on top of him, especially when his mouth was so close…_

"_Merlin! Good gods," Remus taunted, grinding his hips against Sirius' and forcing the man out of his embarrassed daze._

_Sweat-soaked skin slid easily together as Sirius thrust his hips up to meet Remus' cock, their bodies falling into a well-practiced rhythm of thrusts and grinding._

"_Mer—"_

_Sirius cut off the impending mocking by pulling Remus into a searing kiss, thoroughly distracting him as they continued to thrust against each other. Remus' lips moved to his lover's neck, sucking on the sensitive spot just behind his ear, until he got the response he was waiting for._

"_Mooooonnyyyy," Sirius groaned in the quiet room. "Gods, Moony." The name fell like a mantra from his lips as Remus entered him in one swift thrust._

_Frantic thrusting and words mixed with moans drew them closer to the edge, until Sirius finally cried out, "Remus!" and hot cum spilled onto his belly._

_Remus collapsed onto the bed a moment later, his eyes closed from exhaustion, "Merlin…"_

_Sirius tried to thump him on the head, but his arm seemed too heavy. Instead, he threaded his fingers in the fine hairs at the base of Moony's neck, massaging gently as sleep overtook them both._


	8. Chapter 8

***

_Remus pushed the door open and entered the apartment, stopping before he had taken a full step inside. The small hairs on the back of his neck stood on end while he sniffed the air cautiously._

"_Sirius?" he called. "Are you in the kitchen?"_

"_Sure am!" Sirius called happily._

_Sirius sounded happy. Sirius was in the kitchen. There was a smell hanging over the flat that Remus could not identify. This was not going to turn out well, Remus thought to himself. Sirius was a nuisance in the kitchen. Especially in a Muggle kitchen. He couldn't boil water without setting it on fire, and yet he was in there doing Merlin-knows-what._

_Remus closed the door behind himself and made his way across the front room, terrified to see the disaster that used to be his kitchen. He stopped at the doorway in shock, staring at the scene in front of him._

_Sirius was wearing a green apron that read 'Kiss the cook' in large white letters, his hair was plastered to his face from sweat, and the kitchen was clean. The dishes in the sink were currently washing themselves, there was not a spot of food or flour anywhere to bee seen, and cooling in the center of the table was a __Peach and Crème Fraîche Tart, Remus' favorite dessert._

"_Happy Birthday, Moony," Sirius grinned, approaching the doorway._

"_What—how—when…" Remus stuttered, his eyes moving back and forth between Sirius and the tart._

"_Do you remember fourth year, when we went to your parents' house for the Easter holidays?" Sirius asked, his voice low and seductive._

"_Vaguely," Remus replied, his shock limiting him to one word responses. He did, in fact, remember that holiday, because Sirius had gotten upset over the cave Remus had used for his transformations as a child. That was when Sirius had sworn to visit during his summer transformations from then on, a promise he had kept until he was imprisoned._

"_The night before your birthday, your mom taught me how to make your birthday pie," Sirius explained, pinning Remus to the doorframe with his hips._

"_Oh," Remus whispered, his eyes fixated on Sirius' mouth._

"_When I was in Azkaban," Sirius' voice dropped lower so Remus had to struggle to hear him. "I used to go through the recipe in my head. Repeating the list of ingredients and directions over and over, it was distracting," he continued. "I couldn't forget it now, even if I wanted to."_

"_Oh," was all Remus was able to say before he kissed Sirius. Leaving the tart completely forgotten on the table, he pushed Sirius towards the sofa, intent of collecting the rest of his birthday present._


	9. Chapter 9

***

"_That bloke looks a lot like you did when we were younger," Remus announced, his eyes glued to the small Muggle television while his hand gently stroked Sirius' long hair._

_Sirius and Remus were curled up together on a shabby sofa in the living room of their tiny Muggle flat, as they had been every Friday night for the last year. They couldn't go anywhere, even if they had wanted to, so they made the best of their nights and watched a lot of television. Tonight's double feature: _Much Ado About Nothing_ and _Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead_._

_Sirius' attention broke away from the screen to look at his partner. Distress was written across his features. "Really?" his voice cracked with uncertainty and curiosity._

_Remus gave Sirius his own look of curiosity and disbelief at the question. "Yes," the confused expression never left Remus' face. It wasn't like Sirius to be so insecure. "Why? Don't you think he's attractive?"_

"_I guess," Sirius mumbled, breaking eye contact in order to burrow his face into the werewolf's neck._

"_Pads," Remus whispered, softer now, but his voice filled with concern. He pulled gently at Sirius' hair, trying and failing to get the other man to look up at him. "What is it?"_

"_Idonmembertha," the words were muffled against his skin and he tried to decipher them._

"_You don't remember what?" Remus tried. One hand dropped to rub small circles in the small of Sirius' thin back._

_Sirius pulled away just enough to whisper, "I don't remember what I looked like back then."_

_Remus was speechless, unsure how to react to his lover's admission. Azkaban had been rough on him, of that Remus was sure, but Sirius did his best to hide it. Sometimes, if he didn't look at Sirius' emaciated and abused body, he could forget that twelve dark years had passed. He could pretend they were still teenagers, spending a summer night curled together in his mum's living room, until his fingers touched bone where strong muscle should have been, and the illusion was shattered._

_They took comfort in the silence together. They clutched each other tightly, as if the other would disappear the moment their grip lessened, neither worrying about the bruises that would appear in the morning._

_As they lay together, the movie continued to play unnoticed in the background._

"_You've forgotten."  
_

"_I haven't forgotten -- how I used to remember my own name-- and yours, oh, __yes__! There were answers everywhere you __looked.__ There was no question about it-- people knew who we were and if they didn't they asked and I told them."_


	10. Chapter 10

***

_It should have struck Remus as odd that the most serious conversation he ever had with Sirius began with a red umbrella, but it didn't, because that was just the way they were._

"_What is it?" Sirius had asked, his nose plastered to the rain-soaked window of the flat, where he could just barely make out a broken, red object lying forgotten on the street below._

"_It's an umbrella," Remus replied, leaving the window to prepare a pot of tea._

"_Yes, yes," Sirius agreed without really understanding, "But what's it __**for**__?"_

_The whine caused Remus to smile, reminding him that even in the dark times of war, there were still simple moments such as this._

"_Muggles use it to stay dry in the rain," he tried to explain. "It protects them from the worst of it, at least."_

"_It __**protects**__ them?" Sirius did not sound convinced. "It looks like a piece of cloth on some wire. How is that supposed to __**protect**__ anyone?"_

"_Not everyone can afford the type of protection you favor," Remus snapped. "Especially not Muggles. And most wizards can't even understand the Fidelius Charm, much less know how to use it." His words were laced with uncharacteristic anger and annoyance; however, he did not attempt to apologize or explain it away._

_Sirius pulled his face away from the window, the damp skin stinging from where it had been torn from the cold touch of the glass, to stare into the kitchen. He could tell Remus was upset, but wasn't clear was __**why**__. They had been talking about a Muggle umbrella, for Merlin's sake. "You know what type of __**protection**__ I like," he tried making a joke to lift the mood, "and I'm not talking about those flimsy rubber Muggle contraptions."_

"_Sirius, be serious for once, would you?" Remus all but shouted. The sound of breaking glass was quickly followed by a muttered, "Fuck!" from the kitchen._

"_Everything alright, Moony?" Sirius asked, making his way to the kitchen doorway. His concern squashed the retort he was planning to make._

"_Just fine," Remus mumbled, spelling the mug back together and sinking to the floor to lean against the cabinets._

"_What is this really about?" Sirius spoke softly, dropping down to sit next to Remus and situating himself so their legs were in contact from hip to ankle._

"_Protection," Remus replied simply. "It's a war out there, Sirius. And one of these days, you might not come home to me."_

_Sirius reached for Remus' face and turned it so they were looking at each other. "I worry about you, too, you know," he admitted, placing a gentle kiss on his lover's forehead. "Your missions are much more dangerous than mine."_

"_You don't know that," Remus whispered, closing his eyes at the brush of lips on his skin. "We don't talk about our missions."_

"_Then let's talk about protection," Sirius suggested, his thumbs tracing over the contours of Remus' face, mapping it and etching it forever into his memory._

"_That's still not funny," Remus muttered, attempting to pull away from Sirius' hands while his body screamed to get closer to the touch._

"_I'm serious," he replied. "There's a few things you need to know."_

_Remus relaxed again at the words, allowing Sirius to continue his exploration. "What are you talking about?" he asked curiously._

"_Vault 447 at Gringott's, for one," Sirius replied. "If something were to happen to me, your name is on the account, too. It will be yours."_

"_Sirius," Remus began to interrupt, only to be silenced by Sirius' fingers on his lips._

"_There is also a safety deposit box at the Muggle bank down the street. That box has all the documentation for this flat and the other land holdings we have," he continued. "This flat is yours, and it is completely paid off. All you'll have to worry about is paying the utilities."_

"_I don't want—" Remus tried again, this time silenced by Sirius' thumb sliding into his mouth. Remus reflexively began to suck lightly, circling the digit with his tongue and letting out a soft moan._

"_Remus," he tried to continue, his voice hitching from the sensations surrounding his thumb. "I want you to promise me that you'll use what I left you, and you won't go back to living the way you were right after Hogwarts."_

_Remus, though he had no intention of ever using Sirius' money, knew the only way to end the conversation and move onto much more pleasant sensations was to agree. "Yes, Sirius," he mumbled around the finger, sucking it deeper into his mouth. "Now, how about we talk about that other protection you're so fond of?"_

_If he had been paying more attention that day, he would have seen what Sirius was trying to do. He could have understood what was being said. He should have stopped Sirius from sacrificing himself. Would have, could have, should have._

_***_

"Protection," Remus scoffed, rubbing his eyes raw. "Fat load of good that did for me."

Lost in his melancholy and unable to think clearly, Remus did not notice two masked men returning to the town square with their wands drawn.


	11. Chapter 11

***

"_I promised you I'd take you to the place of your namesake one day," Sirius whispered, pinning Remus against a dirty stucco wall in a damp, narrow alley. "You can't say I back out of my promises."_

"_Never," Remus keened in reply, leaning his head further to one side to allow his lover better access to the smooth skin of his neck._

"_But there's one more stop I want to make before it gets too dark," he continued, tugging at long, dark hair that had finally regained the shine and strength it had before twelve years spent in Azkaban._

"_We can go tomorrow," Sirius whispered seductively against the thinner man's ear. He tugged on the earlobe gently with his teeth, doing his best to persuade his lover to go back to the inn right then._

"_No," Remus said firmly and pulled harder until Sirius' lips left his skin. "We have to see it today. You'll even like it, I promise."_

"_What is it, another boring church of historical importance?" Sirius whined. _

_Remus knew it wasn't the first time Sirius was regretting agreeing to take this trip. In general, though, he had been willing to follow Remus around the city with very little complaint, and Remus made a mental note to make it up to him when they got back to the inn._

"_This one is quite fascinating," Remus grinned at him, taking his hand as they continued to make there way down the narrow streets and alley ways of Rome. "It's where St. Lawrence was martyred."_

"_Oh great, another story about a dead guy. Whoever said Muggles were innocent and should be protected definitely didn't know about the ridiculous ways they killed people."_

"_St. Lawrence is my favorite saint, you know," Remus commented off-handedly as the narrow alley opened up into a small, but open, piazza. On the opposite side of the square stood a wall of white stucco that was graying with age; two staircases led halfway up the wall to a grand entrance, which is what Remus was dragging Sirius towards while Sirius put up a mild struggle just for appearances._

"_So why is this one so important?" Sirius asked once inside, looking around the small church. It looked like the last twenty or so they had visited, only this one was smaller and was virtually empty. _

"_Because St. Lawrence died here," Remus rolled his eyes at his uninformed lover. "Now shut up so I can tell you the story."_

"_Yes, Moony," Sirius replied sarcastically, though he had enough sense to look properly chastised._

_Remus led him to the high alter, which portrayed a twelve foot tall image of a man being roasted over an open fire. "Lawrence was one of the deacons of Rome, who was responsible for cataloging and archiving the Church's possessions and inventory," Remus explained, choosing to ignore Sirius in favor of examining the painting. He pointed at the gridiron encased below the altar before continuing, "After the pope died, the emperor was able to have him executed by burning him to death."_

"_Bloody hell!" Sirius exclaimed next to him. "And why is he your favorite?"_

"_Besides being the patron saint of librarians and archivists," Remus grinned at his friend, "he is also the patron saint of comedians."_

"_Why's that?" a look of bewilderment was firmly in place on Sirius' face. Remus had the lingering thought of 'dumb dog' on his mind, but pushed it aside to tell the best part of the story._

"_Because when they were roasting him alive, he said, 'This side's done. Turn me over and have a bite.'"_

_Sirius' bellowing laughter echoed in the church, the knowledge that he caused it warmed Remus to the very tips of his toes. He joined in the laughter until there were tears in their eyes and they could barely stand upright._

_When their amusement finally subsided and they began to make their way out of the church, Sirius asked curiously, "So why was it so important to see this one today? Not that I'm complaining or anything," he added quickly._

"_Because today is the feast day of St. Lawrence," Remus explained, stopping to wrap his arms tightly around Sirius' shoulders. He placed a chaste kiss on Sirius' cheek before moving to whisper in his ear, "And after we go back to the inn so I can fuck you into the mattress, I have a surprise for you later tonight."_


	12. Chapter 12

***

_The room was quiet, the sound punctuated only by steady breathing and the gentle hum of the television where the film had long-since ended._

"_What do you remember?" Remus asked finally._

_Sirius pulled his face away from Remus' shirt, turning so that his ear rested just above his lover's heart, his eyes still closed against the overbearing brightness in the room. "That afternoon," he whispered after another few moments of silence. "When we went down to the train yard. Just you and me, because Peter was grounded and James was away somewhere."_

_Remus bit the inside of his lip to repress a smile. _

"_It was the day before the full moon," he continued. "Which is why we spray painted our names on the trains… you were always more open to causing trouble on the day of the full moon. Less stingy about getting detention or grounded." His voice was thick with pain and hurt._

_Remus did not understand Sirius' tone, but he continued to soothingly stroke the long, dark hair spread across his chest._

"_I thought we were having a good time," his voice cracked. "But every time we got close enough to touch, you jerked away. Even our hands, Moony," Sirius had given up trying to hide how he was feeling. "You couldn't even touch my __**hand**__."_

_Remus could feel his heart sinking into his stomach. That was not the memory he had of the day spent causing trouble in the train yard, but maybe his memories were wrong. Maybe he had fooled himself into remembering things the way they should have been, with shocks of electricity coursing through their veins anytime their bodies were within inches of contact. Maybe he had imagined standing by the canal and wishing for Sirius to kiss him, while Sirius had given him that look of pure hunger and lust. Maybe he had imagined it all._

"_I would have done anything for you that day," Sirius whispered, almost inaudibly. "All you had to do was ask. But you didn't want anything to do with me."_

"_Sirius—" he whispered just as softly._

_The broken-hearted man whimpered and continued to speak as if Remus wasn't even there. "I nicked your tie that day… wore it around the house and at school… you never noticed. I never went near another train after that."_

_Remus tightened his hold on the other man, his heart shattering as Sirius continued to speak almost incoherently. Memory after memory, moment after moment, spun and twisted to only reveal the hurt of rejection and the pain of loneliness._

"_All I wanted was you, Moony," he sobbed into the well-worn flannel of Remus' shirt. "I promised you I'd take you to Rome, and I couldn't even do that. It's no wonder you never wanted me."_

_This is what twelve years in Azkaban had left them: one man doubting the validity of his own memories, while the truthfulness of memories was ripped away from the grasping hand of the other._


	13. Chapter 13

***

_A lanky teenage boy of about sixteen was sprawled out on the floor of his parents' home on a hot summer afternoon with a large, dusty looking tome and a glass of lemonade. His sandy brown hair was sticking to his forehead from perspiration, but even the heat of the summer was not enough to get him to remove his shirt, even in the privacy of his own home._

_A car honking outside the house startled Remus from his musings, and he realized he had been reading the same sentence over and over for the last thirty minutes. After drinking the last of his lemonade he peeled himself from the cool wood floors to go to the kitchen for a refill._

_The car horn sounded three times in quick succession, and he wondered why someone would be this far out of town, honking in front of his house. __**'Oh!'**__ he realized suddenly. __**Someone is out there. **_

_Someone might have been in the drive honking their horn, but Remus could not even begin to fathom who it could be. No one who would want to have anything to do with him owned a car, and no one with a car would want to interact with him. Especially not by honking their horn and expecting him to come outside. Unless it was that group of boys who always threw eggs at him when he went into town; they were probably about the age that one of them would have a car._

_He apprehensively pulled the kitchen curtain aside to peer through the window at whoever was outside. His anxiety faded almost immediately, when he recognized the shoulder-length black hair on the handsome boy sitting behind the wheel of what used to be a candy apple red Chevy convertible, though now it was more of a faded, dusty red. Leaving his glass by the sink, he left the house barefoot, curious to find out what Sirius Black was doing there on a hot July afternoon._

_The top was down and Sirius was dressed in a tight white t-shirt and Muggle jeans, his head tipped back against the seat with his eyes closed as he basked in the sun._

_Remus circled the car appreciatively, trying to pretend he wasn't eyeing Sirius as he inspected the vehicle._

"_Like what you see, Moonface?" Sirius asked, refusing to open his eyes._

"_That's Old Man Anderson's car," Remus pointed out, ignoring the blatant innuendo. "Does he know you stole it?"_

"_Ah, but it's not stealing if I have the intention to return it when I'm finished," Sirius replied immediately, finally opening his eyes when a large object moved between his face and the sun. He blinked up at Remus where he was silhouetted against the bright sun, trying to make out his friend's features. "Get in, Moony. We're going on a trip."_

_Remus sighed good-naturedly as he walked around to the passenger side. "You know he's going to have my hide when he finds out you have it."_

"_Then we might as well have fun with it before that happens," Sirius argued. "So get in."_

_With a roll of his eyes he slid onto the hot leather of the bench seat, infinitely glad he was wearing jeans rather than shorts. "Where are we going, then?"_

"_You'll see," Sirius announced mysteriously, noticing Remus' bare feet and surprising lack of resistance._

_In a comfortable silence they pulled out of the driveway and onto the main road heading out of town and away from Old Man Anderson. Unable to take silence for very long, Sirius finally spoke up, "How has your summer been?"_

"_Quiet," Remus replied pointedly. It was nearly four weeks into the summer, and he had heard neither hide nor hair of his best friends in that time. He hadn't seen them since they had gotten off the Hogwarts Express in London, and while it had angered and hurt him initially, he tried to brush it off with feigned indifference._

"_Oh," Sirius replied simply. "I figured you and that Wembly bloke would be spending time together."_

"_Who?" Remus asked, immediately confused by Sirius' statement and slumped shoulders._

"_Peter said you were seeing some bloke named Wembly towards the end of the term," Sirius couldn't hide the hurt in his voice. "Why didn't you tell me? You're my best mate."_

"_No, James is your best mate," Remus corrected, shifting his gaze back to the road. "And the bloke's name was Winston, though I wasn't seeing him and I don't know where Peter got that information."_

"_Oh," Sirius said again._

_An awkward silence settled over the car, leaving both boys deep in thought._

"_Is that why you haven't answered my owls all summer?" Remus asked finally._

"_Sort of," Sirius admitted. "I didn't want to mess anything up for you, like I did before…" he trailed off._

_Remus heard the unspoken portion of Sirius' statement, forcing his lips to draw tightly together in a thin line. __**I didn't want him to think I was trying to steal you for myself, like the others did.**_

"_I wish he would have thought that…" Remus mumbled, staring off into the distance once again. It was then that Remus realized they were entering the low range of hills that led to the lake._

_Sirius did not reply and Remus almost thought that he hadn't heard, until he glanced over and saw the confusion in Sirius' expressive eyes._

"_Are we going to the lake?" he asked suddenly, glad to have a chance of topic._

"_Yes," Sirius answered off-handedly, obviously distracted as he tried to focus on the twisted road in front of him. "Did you not like Winston?" he brought the conversation back, unspoken questions hanging in a delicate balance between them as they moved into uncharted territory._

_Remus and Sirius had always been affectionate. They always sat right up next to each other, their hugs lingered longer than that of normal friends, they kissed hello and good bye and good night and any other time they felt like it, and they were known to share a bed at least once or twice a week during the school year. Sirius claimed to be straight and chased everything with boobs, while Remus was openly gay among his friends and had attempted to date, though he had very little success. His secrets and his questionable relationship with his best friend always sent a potential interest running for the hills._

_While they were physically affectionate, neither of them talked about their romantic interests, at least not with each other. Remus was reluctant to now, especially given how his involvement with Winston had gone. If he told Sirius what had really happened, that he had been so excited for his date with the seventh-year Ravenclaw, but "date" turned out to be the older boy's euphemism for shoving Remus up against the wall in a deserted 7__th__ floor corridor and fucking him until he bled from his previously untouched hole and then leaving him almost unconscious on the cold stone floor with his pants around his ankles, Sirius would hunt the boy down and murder him. Of that, Remus had no doubt. Even now, nearly a month later, Remus shifted uncomfortably at the mention of his name._

"_He didn't particularly like me," Remus replied softly, refusing to meet Sirius' gaze, even after the car stopped on the rocky sand of the shore._

"_How could someone not like you," Sirius asked, reaching out to stroke his hand over the other boy's cheek. "Anyone would be lucky to have you."_

_Remus shuddered at the touch and pushed open the door of the car, scrambling to get out and get away from Sirius. He walked purposefully away from the car until he found a tree and a patch of shade. He slid down the trunk until he was seated with his shirt bunched up behind him, allowing for the breeze off the water to cool his flushed skin._

_Sirius followed at a safe distance, unsure what just happened, but unwilling to let it determine the mood for the day. "I don't know about you," he announced, drawing Remus' attention from where he sat under a tree, "but I'm going swimming!" He threw a spare pair of swim trunks in Remus' direction and stripped off his own t-shirt, jeans and sandals, leaving him in just a pair of red swim trunks and a clear path to the water._

_Remus smiled fondly at his friend and pushed his morose feelings away in favor of the chance to spend a fun day with Sirius. He had already spent four weeks dwelling on the incident in the 7__th__ floor corridor, and no doubt the next eight weeks would be filled with much of the same, but for today at least, he could have a good time._

_***_

_Hours later, when they dragged their happy but exhausted bodies out of the lake, they collapsed onto a blanket Sirius had brought. It was soft and warm against their cool damp skin, and they cuddled together unconsciously as the sun began to set._

_Eventually, though, their day had to end. Sirius tried to rouse his friend to no avail, as Remus was sleeping soundly for the first time all summer, forcing Sirius to lift him gently and carry him to the car. Placing Remus carefully in the passenger seat, he returned to the beach to gather their clothes and belongings to toss in the backseat, before he slid behind the wheel._

_As the wheels kicked up small rocks and loose sand, Remus' sleeping body shifted close to Sirius, coming to rest with his head on Sirius' shoulder and one hand lying on the dark-haired boy's thigh, grasping lightly at the smooth material of his swim trunks._

_Sirius sighed with contentment, shifting until he had one arm wrapped around the smaller boy's shoulders and the other hand on the wheel, steering them carefully towards home. _


	14. Chapter 14

***

_The war came to an abrupt and climactic end, which left the wizarding world in shock and Remus Lupin's life spinning so far out of control he could not begin to fathom which way was up. _

_One day he had been fighting a war alongside his lover and two best friends, and scarcely twelve hours later he was told that Sirius had turned James and Lily over to be murdered, then killed Peter and twelve bystanders. In that single moment it was as if the bottom had given out and Remus' entire life had fallen apart. In a single night, he had lost his lover and his best friends, the only family he had left, and his entire support system._

_With the end of the war there was no longer something to do every day. With Sirius' imprisonment, there was no longer a reason to come home every day. With no one left, there was no reason to get out of bed in the morning._

_Day after day, week after week, Remus stayed in the bedroom that still smelled of Sirius, heart-broken and tortured by his thoughts. __**Why didn't I notice? When did he turn against us? Why would he leave me?**_

_Time continued to pass after that disastrous night, and the world returned to its normal routine. People went to work, they returned home to their families in the evening, they went shopping, they had children, they celebrated the holidays, and their lives gradually returned to normal. _

_Inside Remus and Sirius' flat, because it would always be __**their**__ flat, time passed unmeasured except by the growth of coarse stubble on Remus' face and the gradual build up of dust. He would drag himself out of bed only to use the loo, rarely making it as far as the kitchen, even then it was only to grab a slice of stale bread and a cup of water. When the pantry was emptied of anything edible that did not require preparation, he stopped eating altogether, and instead lay in bed for the entirety of the day. When the day came he could no longer smell Sirius on the sheets over his own odor, he rolled out of the nest he had made on Sirius' side of the best to retreat to his own cold sheets. And when the full moon came, he sat at the window and howled; the desires of the wolf second to the need to mourn the loss of its mate._

_Finally the day (or was it night?) came when someone knocked on the door. Remus, too weak to get out of bed anymore, steadily ignored it. The knocking stopped eventually and an audible popping sound came from the living room, though Remus didn't care enough to even reach for his wand. Not that he knew where it was, nor did he even remember any spells if he did know where it was._

"_Remus?" Dumbledore's voice echoed throughout the cavernous flat. _

_Without Sirius, the flat had suddenly become large and overbearing, so Remus had confined himself to the small bedroom in the back. The door swung open on tight hinges that squeaked from disuse._

"_Remus," Dumbledore stepped into the room and spotted him lying in the bed, only the top of his head visible above the covers. "It is time to get up."_

_Remus burrowed deeper into the covers, the patch of brown hair disappearing as he did so, hiding from the outside that was intruding into his dark world. His blankets began to tug away from him and he clung desperately to them, as if they were the only thing keeping him grounded in this life. The soft fabric slipped through his weak fingers and he was unable to find the strength to hold on and fight. His emaciated form collapsed back onto the mattress, and he curled into the fetal position, trying to protect himself from whatever Dumbledore might throw at him._

"_Harry is going to need you in a few years," the old man's voice sounded far away. "You're the only thing he has left of his parents. You're the only one who loves him like they did."_

_When Remus woke many hours (or was it days?) later, clean blankets were folded and stacked neatly at the bottom of his bed, and the room no longer smell of dirty dog._

_The smell of something edible permeated the apartment, and Remus' stomach gave a mighty grumble for the first time in longer than he could remember. Reluctantly pulled himself out of bed to investigate._

_Like the bedroom, the rest of the house was mysteriously clean and put back in order after his last transformation when he literally destroyed everything in anger, and in the kitchen, a pot of stew was simmering on the stove. In dirty pajamas and hair that hadn't been washed in months, Remus stood over the pot and breathed deeply, hands shaking uncontrollably when he tried to reach for a bowl. Unable to get a grasp on the bowl in his weakened state, the porcelain bowl fell to the tile and shattered, and Remus stared down at it without understanding what had just happened._

_A loud crack echoed in the kitchen, causing Remus to flinch and nearly fall down on top of the bowl shards. _

"_Please, Sir, sit down," a high pitched voice requested, and Remus wanted to cover his ears. Two small hands pushed him towards the table and into a chair, carefully maneuvering him away from the worst of the broken dish._

_A small creature, 'house elf' a small voice in the back of Remus' mind supplied, repaired the bowl in an instant and proceeded to ladle stew into it. When it was half-filled, the creature brought it to the table and offered Remus a spoon._

_His hands shook as he lifted the spoon, and he spilled more than he ate, but eventually the majority of the broth was gone, along with some of the smaller pieces that did not require chewing. Exhausted from the exertion of eating, Remus slumped over the table, carefully pushing the bowl away before he did so. He napped there for a few hours before he had enough strength to return to his room and collapse into bed._

_The next time he awoke, a new smell wafted through the flat, drawing him to the kitchen and a bowl of porridge. He fell into this routine, rarely seeing the house elf unless he managed to fall or break something, as his strength slowly returned._

_One morning, after eating and returning to his room, he found a bath had been drawn for him. The hot water called to him, and he slipped out of his threadbare and stained clothing to slide into the water, watching with fascination as his nearly-translucent skin began to turn pink from the warmth. He sank as low as he could into the water, submerging his head and the majority of his greasy hair that had grown out of control in the past months._

_An hour later he removed himself from the rapidly-cooling water, his skin and hair at least rinsed, if not clean, and found a new pair of pajamas on the counter. Without bothering to dry himself off, he pulled on the clothing and returned to bed._

_As the days passed, things were gradually added to his routine. One morning, a new tooth brush was placed on top of his clean pajamas. Another week or so later, his pajamas were replaced by slacks and a shirt. Eventually the day came when the house elf was waiting for him in the kitchen after lunch with a razor and hair cutting shears placed neatly on the table. Two days after that, and Remus was sure it was days, Dumbledore knocked again._

_This time he answered the door, hair neat and freshly washed, clean clothing, and shoes tied (that had been a struggle that had taken a number of days to overcome). He opened the door enough for the older man to enter, and gestured towards the couch before disappearing into the kitchen. He returned a moment later with a tea service and set about preparing a cup for his guest._

_Dumbledore watched the thin man set about the task mechanically, his hands still shaking slightly, though he did not drop anything. "How are you feeling, Remus," Dumbledore asked after taking his cup from Remus' unsteady hands._

_He looked up sharply, his eyes wide with surprise and terror, but he shrugged his shoulders almost imperceptibly in response._

"_That's good," Dumbledore told him gently. "You look much better than the last time I saw you."_

_Remus nodded slowly, not making eye contact with the older man while he busied himself with preparing his own cup of tear._

_Dumbledore suppressed a sigh at the action. It was one that he had picked up from Sirius when they were in school. "I'm here to tell you," he started, waiting for Remus to look at him._

_The younger main raised his head to look up, but fixed his gaze on Dumbledore's forehead rather than making contact with the piercing blue eyes, and Dumbledore continued to speak. "You start work at Bales of Books the Monday after next. It's just around the corner on 7__th__."_

_The terror was back on Remus' face, and Dumbledore did not bother to suppress his sigh this time. "The owner is an old friend of mine. She knows you will be gone three days a month, but she believes you will be doing me a favor during that time. You will be stocking and assisting her around the shop. It is a Muggle bookstore, but she also caters to the occasional wizard."_

_Remus shook his head almost violently at the older man's words._

"_Remus," he continued, "you need to get out of this flat and move on with your life. You lost a lot that night, but would they want you sitting here wasting away? Is that what James and Lily would have wished for you?"_

_The shaking of his head slowed until it was merely an agreement to the statement. He dropped his face into his hands and sat there for a long time in silence while Dumbledore sipped his tea._

_Eventually Dumbledore stood and excused himself, reminding Remus that he started work in just over a week, and then he was gone._

_***_

_Nine days later, Remus found himself standing at the front door of his flat at 7:50am. He had ten minutes to get to work, which was more than enough time, seeing as the bookstore was only two blocks away, but he had to leave the flat first._

_Tippy, the house elf, stood beside him with his bag in hand, waiting for him to take it. "Have a good day at work, Sir," the elf told him a little more reserved than usual, handing over the bag and pushing the door open._

_Remus took the bag with merely a glance at the elf and took a deep breath before stepping into the dimly-lit hallway. His eyes were fixed on the stairs at the end of the hall as his legs carried him forward, and he had to keep reminding himself to breathe._

_He stepped out of the building and into the dreary gray of London in spring. He had missed almost the entirety of winter. The ground was well on its way to thawing as shoots of grass were just beginning to peak through the blanket of dirty ice, and just as he arrived at his destination, a light rain began to fall._

"_You must be Remus!" an elderly witch greeted him when the bell on the door announced his presence. "Welcome! I'm Misty."_

_He silently took her outstretched hand and shook it, studying the old woman's appearance as he did so. She was probably about Dumbledore's age, give or take a decade or two, and had fine silvery hair that hung halfway down her back. Her skin was thin and stretched over strong hands, Remus was surprised to notice, but her most striking feature was her eyes. He could tell they used to be a rich, vibrant blue, but now were clouded over by a mist of silver, and Remus quickly came to the startling conclusion that she was blind._

"_It's lovely to have you dear," she continued speaking as if he had already greeted her. "Dumbledore told me you don't speak much, but I'm not worried about that, since I do enough talking for the both of us."_

_He couldn't stop the small smile that tweaked the corner of his mouth, and his face immediately hurt from using the muscles for the first time in almost five months._

"_Come along now, I'll show you what needs to be done in the back," a genuine smile placed firmly upon her face. "There's a lot to do, as I've managed to get behind with the stocking in the last few months."_

_Remus' eyes widened in surprise when he saw the sheer amount of boxes and books stacked in the back room. It was stacked nearly floor-to-ceiling, and he had to turn sideways to squeeze his impossibly-thin frame through the door. For the next ten minutes she showed him how to inventory the books and then how to shelve them before she left him to his work._

_The hours passed quickly in the silent room while Remus checked book titles against a list and then moved them onto a cart to take into the main shop. It was work that didn't require much thought, but did need to be done precisely, which meant he had to fix all his attention on the task at hand. Before he knew it, Misty had returned and told him that it was time to close up for the day._

_***_

_The following days progressed in the same manner. He would leave for work in the morning, noticing the world changing around him, seeing the flowers bloom and children play as spring took over, and he would be reminded of what was missing from his life. At work, however, he was able to put his haunting thoughts aside, and work until he was exhausted enough to go home and fall into a dreamless sleep._

_The world carried on without Sirius Black as if he had never existed. The earth continued to rotate on its axis, the stars shone in the night sky, and poets dreamed of brilliant verse. Summer began to set in, and with it came warm breezes and nearly cloudless skies._

_Customers came into the store, intrigued by the blind lady who seemed to see everything and the silent man who could have a conversation without ever muttering a sound. Business picked up, and Remus stayed busy._

_One afternoon on his way home from work, he cut through the park instead of taking his usual route home, and was nearly run into by a giggling young girl who dripped ice cream all over his shoe before apologizing and running off, quickly followed by a group of boys who were chasing her. A baby cried out in the distance, the sound striking Remus directly in the heart as his thoughts went immediately to Harry. It was nearly his second birthday._

_The full moon came a few days later. Remus took the train to Hogwarts in preparation, running wild alongside the river in the Forbidden Forest, before returning to the Shrieking Shack to crawl into bed. In the fading dark of the night, his hand groped at the sheets next to him, searching for something that wasn't there. Even in sleep he listened carefully for the familiar creak of the floorboard announcing the presence of another body. It never came. And as the morning faded into afternoon, Remus woke with a racing heart, reaching out for the one who was not there._


	15. Chapter 15

***

_The dim interior of the carriage was quite fitting for Remus' mood as he left Hogwarts for the last time. Now that the entirety of the wizarding world was privy to his secret, there was no way the governors of the school would allow him within cursing distance of the walls, much less a chance to return to the grounds. Not that he would allow himself to return, for that matter. What had nearly happened the night before… Remus shook his head to stop that particular train of thought, and turned instead to the interesting developments he had learned last night._

_Peter Pettigrew was alive, and apparently far more dangerous than any of the Marauders could have ever imagined. The name Peter Pettigrew was not one that would generally instill fear into someone, but after seeing him last night… it was not exactly fear he felt for the man, but rather a stunned realization that Peter had outsmarted them all. Except for Sirius, but he hadn't been in any shape to tell someone else the truth._

_That brought his thoughts to Sirius Black. Padfoot. His Sirius. No, not his, not anymore at least. The past twelve years had seen to that. He knew Sirius hadn't fully trusted him at the end, but he had never imagined that Sirius would have pushed for someone else to be the Secret Keeper. It made sense when Remus thought about, though. Sirius was protecting him while protecting himself. Sirius was always trying to protect Remus, even when he didn't fully trust him, and the guilt that Remus was already drowning in grew even deeper._

_However, he knew he had done the same thing for Sirius the last twelve years. By never telling Dumbledore or the Ministry that Sirius was an Animagus, he was protecting Sirius. Yes, he was also protecting himself, but they were one and the same. They always had been. Sirius-and-Remus, Moony-and-Padfoot, the names were uttered in a single breath as if they were one entity in two bodies._

_The last twelve years, however, had split them into two separate beings. Things had changed, and nothing could go back to the way it was. Too much time had passed, too much pain had torn at his heart, too many wounds had healed. He was not prepared to rip open the shiny scars and let himself get hurt again… was he?_

_Whispers on the street began to infiltrate the serene calm of the carriage, forcing Remus to shrink into the black cloth of the seat._

"_That new professor is a werewolf!"_

"_I heard he bit Harry Potter last night!"_

"_Harry Potter is a werewolf?! Bollocks!"_

"_No, it's true; they say he helped Sirius Black get into the castle to attack Harry Potter."  
_

"_He was a Death Eater with Black, thick as thieves the two of them were…"_

_Remus was never quite so thankful to reach an Apparition point, a feeling of relief settling over him for the first time since he came to Hogwarts at the beginning of the year. Grasping his suitcase in one hand and the grindylow tank in the other arm he turned sharply on his heel and vanished._

_***_

_Within seconds after leaving Hogsmeade Remus found himself on the doorstep of his flat. Well, the flat that was in his name, though he hadn't lived there in nearly ten years. He had stayed in the flat for the first two years Sirius was in Azkaban, but eventually he could not stand the oppressive nature of the flat, and had moved a block closer to the bookstore where he had worked prior to taking his post as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts. When he left for Hogwarts, however, he had moved his few belongings back to this flat to store them._

_Now standing there in the dim hallway, Remus began to wonder if this had been a good idea. He tried to tell himself that Sirius wouldn't be there, that for once the reckless and foolhardy wizard would have listened to Dumbledore and gone far away, but the flickering light under the door told him he was only lying to himself. Someone was inside, probably waiting for him._

_Taking a deep breath, Remus placed his hand to the wood and felt the wards lift to allow him into the apartment. For a moment, Remus wondered if he had taken a trip through the time-turner, but he forced himself to move into the apartment and close the door behind him to re-engage the wards._

_The Muggle telly flickered in black and white playing some old American movie Remus could not remember the name of, a half-empty cup of tea lay forgotten and cold on the side table, and a shaggy black dog was curled up on the far corner of the couch, half-buried under a worn red blanket. It was an image that Remus had come home to countless times before, and the memory tugged at Remus' heart. _

_He wanted nothing more than to sit on the couch next to the dog and scratch Padfoot behind the ears until he woke and curled up across Remus' lap while he watched the end of the movie, but that would be acting as if nothing had changed, and Remus was afraid to blur that line. Because for now, at least, there was a line between the past and the present; a line Remus' sanity relied on._

_Lost in his musings, Remus hadn't realized that Padfoot had woken and shifted back into the body of an impossibly-thin wizard wearing filthy clothing._

"_You never changed the wards," Sirius words permeated Remus' thoughts and brought him crashing back into reality. A reality that featured a very real Sirius Black sitting on their couch, in their apartment. _

"_Didn't seem like I needed to," Remus shot back, finally setting his suitcase and the tank down next to the telly. "Should I have?"_

"_No," Sirius' whispered response barely spanned the space between them as he stood and stretched carefully._

"_Right," Remus replied without reason, forcing himself to stay still even as Sirius was crossing the room to stand in front of him._

"_I missed you, Moony," Sirius whispered, close enough now that Remus didn't have to strain to hear his words. _

_His hand rose to brush a few strands of hair out of Remus' face and his fingertips lingered against the warm skin, caressing his cheek gently. The werewolf's eyes fell shut at the touch, as he allowed himself this one indulgence. After all, he still knew that the past was past and this was a different time._

_Remus' eyes snapped open when he felt Sirius lean close enough to kiss, his lips mere centimeters from the other man's throat, and he backed away slowly, his skin screaming at the lost of contact. "You should get a bath," he babbled, making his way through the apartment to ready the tub, and taking the time away from Sirius to calm his racing heart._

_In moments the tub was beginning to fill and Remus noticed the man waiting in the doorway. "Take all the time you need," he broke the silence before Sirius could say anything. "The water is charmed to stay clean and warm as long as you like. I'll just go prepare some supper…" he trailed off, squeezing by Sirius' thin body and all but running to the kitchen._

_An hour later the Shepard's pie was ready and Sirius had yet to emerge from the bathroom. Remus knocked softly on the door, waited a moment, then pushed it open when there was no response._

_Sirius had sunk low in the water so his entire body was submerged in the warmth and had fallen asleep with his head resting against the side of the tub. His hair was damp, though not clean, and Remus felt an overwhelming surge of affection for the man. He allowed himself to step into the bathroom to kneel next to his friend, where he proceeded to pour shampoo into his hands and rubbed it into Sirius' disastrous tresses._

_Before Azkaban, Sirius never went more than a day or so without washing his hair. He said it got greasy and would begin to look like Severus Snape's hair if he didn't take care of it. Remus thought it was just an excuse for Sirius to have a bathroom full of hair products._

_After rinsing the shampoo away, Remus began to work the conditioner into Sirius' hair, easily soothing the worst of the knots, and massaging Sirius' scalp gently until he let out a soft moan. Remus immediately removed his hands, causing Sirius to whimper, and Remus gently placed them back in the dark curls to comfort him._

_Sirius woke fully just as Remus finished rinsing the conditioner out. His eyes were hazy with sleep, and he gave Remus his just-woke-up grin, which drew a responding smile from Remus' lips._

"_Let's get you dressed and fed," Remus announced, standing up and stepping away from the tub. "Then it's off to bed with you."_

"_Yes, mother," Sirius stifled a yawn and stood up, unashamed of his nakedness._

_Remus blushed profusely and turned away, a deep scarlet burning his cheeks and ears. He heard the sounds of Sirius drying off and dressing behind him, and he barely managed to restrain himself from peaking in the mirror when he handed over a set of clean pajamas._

"_I might need to wear a pair of yours," Sirius whispered just behind his back._

_Remus turned and noticed just how true his words were. Sirius' old pajamas, the pajamas he wore when he was a student at Hogwarts and in the years following, were at least three sizes too big, and threatened to fall off if Sirius didn't keep his hand clasped around the waistband. He hadn't even attempted the shirt, leaving his back bare for Remus to see his shoulder blades protruding an alarming distance from the rest of his malnourished body._

"_Yeah, that's probably a good idea," Remus mumbled more to himself than Sirius and went into the front room to retrieve his suitcase. After grabbing the pants and shirt, Remus stood and his body stiffened. Sirius had come up behind him while he was searching for clothes and stood far too close for Remus to feel comfortable. Not with the new lines._

"_Moony," Sirius whimpered against the back of his neck, and Remus' heart ached for him. "Can you… just… will you…" he trailed off, uncertain if he should ask._

_Remus turned slowly to they were facing each other, only millimeters separating their bodies. "Will I what?" he asked, grasping for the line he had drawn._

"_Just… hold me?" Sirius asked, his voice completely devoid of hope, and Remus wondered if it was because of him, or if the Dementors had taken everything last shred of hope away._

"_As long as you need," Remus whispered, stepping over the self-imposed line to wrap Sirius in his arms and lead him back towards the bedroom. In Remus mind, there was no future and there was no past, there was just this moment in time, and Sirius was with him in it._


	16. Chapter 16

***

_True to his word, Remus had moved them back to the inn and proceeded to give Sirius the best fucking of his life, pounding him into the mattress until Sirius could feel every crevice in his body filled by Moony. Something in their love making had been different, Sirius noted, as he lay in a state of pure contentment following their second round._

_Remus, always an attentive lover, had been just that much __**more**__ than normal, which pushed their movements and feeling to new, unexplored heights. Both times Sirius had passed out from the force of his orgasm, something that he had never experienced even when he had been young._

_Sirius' fingers wove through Remus' soft, graying locks effortlessly, more than comfortable to stay in bed forever and forget the outside world existed._

_With his head pillowed comfortably on Sirius' shoulder and fingers gently tracing invisible patters across his chest, Remus couldn't have agreed more with Sirius' unspoken thoughts._

"_What are you thinking about?" Sirius asked, tugging lightly at a small section of light brown hair._

"_Saints," Remus replied, his voice thick with sleep and sated satisfaction._

_The single word sent shivers down Sirius spine because Remus was talking in __**that**__ voice. The voice he only used after mind-blowing sex. Remus could be talking about the most complex Arithmancy to prove that Atlantis had really existed, or even Voldemort in a pink tutu dancing a Pas de Deux with Severus Snape, and Sirius would find it sexy, as long as he was using __**that**__ voice._

"_What about them?" Sirius smiled amusedly, dropping a light kiss to the crown of Remus' head._

"_Just thinking that we should visit San Rocco before we leave," Remus replied. "He is your patron saint, after all."_

"_Really, now?" Sirius asked, his amusement growing. "I have a patron saint?"_

"_Yes," Remus' hand slipped slower, stroking along his abdomen. "San Rocco is the patron saint of dogs and…" Remus trailed off, placing a kiss against the soft skin of Sirius' chest._

"_And?" he prompted, his curiosity haven gotten the best of him._

_Remus placed an open mouth kiss just below Sirius' nipple and sucked on the bit of flesh, worrying it between his teeth before he bit down hard enough to leave a mark. He soothed the angry red mark with his tongue, making Sirius writhe against him, trying to get closer than they already were._

"_And?" Sirius begged, the word coming out as a whimper when Remus' lips were removed from his chest._

_Remus released the flesh from his mouth and shifted so he was lying mostly on top of Sirius where he could look at his lover's face. "And the falsely accused," he finished, anxiously watching Sirius' face for his reaction. The responding smirk allowed Remus to relax into the body beneath his and rest his chin on Sirius' chest._

"_That sounds about right," Sirius joked lightly, running his hands over the scarred flesh of his long-time lover and best friend. "Who knew I had a place in Muggle religion!"_

"_Who knew," Remus echoed, closing his eyes to the feeling of Sirius tracing each individual scar on his naked body. "We'll still be here for his feast day," he added a few minutes later, seemingly completely out of the blue._

_Having known Remus for so many years, Sirius was still able to connect the non sequitur to the previous conversation, and he grinned. "Even our patron saints had to be together," he remarked, his fingers slowing to trace over the raised texture of a particularly bad scar. "Obviously we are doing something right."_

_Remus chuckled, the vibrations of his laughter reverberating through both of their bodies, causing them to cling to one another. "Obviously," he agreed, his blue eyes glittering with mischief. "You know there is still another surprise for you tonight, right?"_

"_Does it involve rope and your cock up my arse?" Sirius suggested lewdly, wiggling his eyebrows in his lover's direction._

"_Nope," Remus smiled. "But it does involve going outside, so I'm going to take a shower." He rolled off of Sirius and walked toward the attached bathroom, his scarlet ears informing Sirius that he did know Sirius was oogling him from the bed. At the door he stopped to look over his shoulder. "Are you going to join me?"_

_***_

_After a shower and a round of blowjobs, both appeared presentable to the general public, though Remus was still fussing with Sirius' tie._

"_I don't see why I have to be dressed up," Sirius complained, his words silenced by Remus' lips on his._

"_Because I asked you to," Remus kissed him sweetly. "And you love me."_

"_Yeah, yeah," Sirius rolled his eyes, but acquiesced to Remus fixing his tie. "So where are we going?"_

"_You'll find out soon enough," the werewolf responded cryptically and took his hand. With a twist on his heel, they were gone._

_***_

"_Where are we?" Sirius asked quietly. He was still holding Remus' hand, but instead of the warm inn, they were standing amongst an area of ruins._

"_The Area Sacra," Remus whispered, turning Sirius so he could see a faint blue glow off to the side of them._

"_What are we doing here?" came the whispered reply as they began to move towards the blue light._

"_Do you remember when we talked about Rome, the first time," Remus asked, his voice soft._

_Sirius nodded, though he knew Remus couldn't see it, but he could not find it in himself to break the silence._

"_We talked about performing a ritual," he continued to speak. "And this is our chance to do it."_

_Sirius took in a sharp hiss of breath, finally realizing why they were there. He stopped and turned his lover to look at him. "You're sure?" his eyes asked, words unspoken._

"_Yes," Remus' eyes replied, his head nodding ever-so-slightly in the affirmative._

_With fingers entwined they approached the glowing light of the altar. They knelt before it, facing each other with their knees touching, and palms flat against each other. Their eyes met and gazes held as they breathed together until their bodies were completely in tune with one another._

_With their minds clear and bodies functioning as one living entity, they began to speak, reciting the words of the ritual they had created nearly twenty years earlier but never had the opportunity to perform._

"_We are one mind, me and thee, together when apart, near when far." _

_Their voices fell in sync, neither able to differentiate their voice from that of their partner._

"_Thoughts within thoughts, aware when unaware, bound within the circle,_

_Now until forever." _

_The faint blue glow of the altar grew brighter and began to spread, encircling them in a thin, shining line._

"_We are one spirit, me and thee, together when apart, near when far,_

_Will joined to Will, felt within and without, bound within the circle,_

_Now until forever." _

_Bright tendrils of blue light rose and wrapped around their hands, holding their palms together as a brilliant golden light began to glow between every point of physical contact._

"_We are one body, me and thee, together when apart, touching when separated,_

_Flesh of the same flesh, bound within the circle,_

_Now until forever."_

_A blinding flash of gold and blue light surrounded the pair, temporarily blinding them as the light began to fade until it was merely a dim radiance surrounding them. Their foreheads rested together, breath mingling as the shock of innate magic continued to spark around them, pulling and pushing and molding them as the light continued to fade. _

_When they were finally left in the natural darkness of the night they spoke together, "You are my lifemate, and I am yours, now until forever."_

_And as the pair knelt beneath the falling stars of the Perseids, they knew that, contrary to popular belief, the meteors were not the tears of St. Lawrence, but were their fallen friends, coming to join them in their moment of union and celebration._


	17. Chapter 17

***

_The night was one of those perfect spring nights, where the air is warm, but is accompanied by a cool breeze that rolls across the damp grass. One of those nights when lovers walk beneath the pale light of the moon, enveloped in their love for one another, stopping on a whim to kiss in the moonlight._

_Remus sat in Gryffindor Tower, staring forlornly out the window as he watched couples stroll across the grounds, and once again he wished he could be out there. It was the night before the full moon, and Remus felt as if his body was on fire when the muscles twitched beneath his skin in anticipation of the coming transformation. Even if he was normal, and could walk freely in the moonlight without shying away into dark corners, Remus reflected on the fact that he had no one to spend his time with on such a night._

_James and Lily were out there already, presumably in perfect bliss. Sirius was off with another of the studious, Ravenclaw 7__th__ year girls, probably in the Astronomy Tower or an unused classroom. He was trying to get through all of them before the end of the year and the end of their time at Hogwarts. Peter was off in detention with Professor Slughorn, trying to successfully brew a batch of Felix Felicis in preparation for his N.E.W.T.s that were looming only a month away._

_Remus sighed, knowing he should be studying for his exams, but he was unable to find the motivation to tear his eyes from the grounds in order to focus on the book that was open on his lap. _

_Their time at Hogwarts was quickly coming to an end. It was a fact the Marauders had all tried to ignore, but as the summer approached, they had to admit that things were going to change. They would no longer be sharing a room as they had for the last seven years, there would be jobs and responsibilities to replace classes and pranks, and Remus would have to go back to his transformations alone. He shuddered at the thought, wishing they were able to take a time-turner and go back to fifth year, when the rest of the Marauders made their first successful Animagus change._

_Fifth year had been a rough year on all of them. It was the first time they had branched out to willingly interact with other students, when they had all started dating other people that year, except for Peter, but the time apart had worn thin on their friendship. They had O.W.L.s to study for and as a result they had received much more homework than in the previous years. Sirius left home and was promptly disowned when he moved in with the Potters. It was not a year of happy memories, with the exception of the full moon, when everything was normal and right again, if only for a couple hours. Remus shook his head sadly at the realization that he would much rather go through the pain and fear of fifth year, including the disastrous night with Winston Rosencranz, if he could have his friends with him on the full moon for just a little while longer._

"_Moony?" a deep voice pulled Remus' attention from the window and into the dormitory._

"_Hmmm?" Moony replied, noticing Sirius moving through the room towards his bed. "Back so early, Pads?" Remus attempted to clear the thoughts of fifth year out of his mind to focus on his friend._

"_Yeah, well, she just wasn't what I wanted tonight," Sirius shrugged. "Though I'm sure that by tomorrow morning she'll be telling people how amazing I was in bed."_

"_Probably," Remus agreed. Sirius had the reputation for being a sex god and getting around, but in reality he had probably slept with less than a fourth of the people who claimed he was incredible in the sack._

_Sirius flopped down on his bed, one arm thrown across his eyes, and sighed in contentment. "Have you been up here all night?" he asked curiously._

"_Mmmmhmmm," Remus replied, drawing his eyes away from the dark-haired boy and refocusing on the window. "Been studying."_

"_You're lying," Sirius replied without moving. "What have you really been doing?"_

_Remus could see his reflection smile in the window. Sirius always knew when he was lying because his voice would be ever-so-slightly strained. "Just thinking. The full moon is tomorrow."_

"_Hmmm," Sirius hummed in response. "You might want to move away from the window in a minute. The moon is shifting."_

_Remus' glance fell to the castle wall just below the window and he saw Sirius was right. In the next two minutes the moonlight would be directly on the window where he was sitting. He looked at Sirius curiously as he stood and stretched his long limbs, leaving the book by the window as he went to stand beside the other boy._

"_How did you know?" he asked, looking down at his friend._

_Sirius didn't reply audibly, but merely shrugged as he slid to one side of the bed to make space for Remus._

_Once again a small smile was on Remus' face as he lay down next to Sirius. As much as he denied it, Sirius knew as much, if not more, about the lunar cycle than Remus did now. He always brushed it off as mild interest or Astronomy homework, but Remus knew the boy spent a fair amount of time in the library pouring over books about Lycanthropy and the moon cycle._

_Remus shifted on the bed until he was lying against Sirius' side with his head resting comfortably on the other boy's shoulder. Sirius' arm wrapped around him reflexively, and both boys sighed with exhaustion and relief when they settled in. Sleep overtook them moments later, beckoning them both into the mystical land of dreams._


	18. Chapter 18

***

_It needs its fantasy of a happy ending. A fantasy which in reality will be its undoing._

_In war the dark is on nobody's side, in love the dark confirms that we are together._

_***_

_The pale moonlight fell through the open window, illuminating Sirius' relaxed and almost-angelic features as he slept. From the shadows the moonlight did not quite reach, Remus smiled fondly at the man next to him and lifted his fingers to brush the hair off Sirius' forehead._

_Even in sleep he leaned into the touch, following the hand as it moved away, until Sirius had curled himself around Remus' body. Remus' smile widened as Sirius blindly groped for his chest and cuddled in close, burying his face against the warm skin when he finally found it. Laying back to stoke the dark hair thoughtfully, Remus marveled at the drastic turn his life had taken in the last two years._

_After twelve years, he and Sirius had come back together in the same darkness that had torn them apart. A darkness that in the past had only bred suspicion and discord, now offered hope and the chance for something better. With that hope, he and Sirius had bonded the previous summer in Rome, in a ritual they had written before the words __**Secret Keeper**__ and __**traitor**__ and __**Azkaban**__ had become firmly implanted in their minds. Words that once destroyed their lives now gave them a second chance to do all the things they hadn't gotten the opportunity to. _

_James may have been the only Marauder to physically die that night, but his death marked the end of the Marauders and the only life they had ever known. Peter had willingly offered his soul to the devil himself, Sirius had been falsely accused and left to rot in his own nightmares, and Remus had lost all hope. Four young men, all murdered by the darkness._

_But that night, with his husband's warm body wrapped tightly around him and his fingers lost in a mess of dark hair, Remus was not thinking about the past. He did not dwell on what had been and what had caused him so much pain. Instead, his mind had drifted forward, looking to the future._

_In the future, Sirius' name would be cleared of all charges and he would be a free man to do as he pleased. They could move out of Grimmauld Place and into a two-bedroom flat so Harry would have his own room. They would be able to lead normal lives, working, coming home to a family, and taking vacations down at the seashore. Moony and Padfoot would be able to romp freely in the countryside under the light of the full moon. During the holidays, the house would be filled with love, family, and the smell of pumpkin pie. Maybe they would even adopt another child, Remus mused. He had always wanted a daughter._

_For the first time in twenty years, Remus allowed himself to dream. He allowed himself to hope, as he had never allowed himself before. Instead of doubts and fears, Remus saw holidays and smiles. And as he drifted off to sleep, he dreamt of vivid pictures of the future, always ending with Sirius and himself together._

_***_

_It seemed as if a lifetime had passed since that morning. Remus has woken up from pleasant dreams to find Sirius' sucking him off, and after an hour or so they finally stumbled out of bed and into the day. They had gone about their normal routine, checking in with the other members of the Order, cleaning, and doing a bit of research in the expansive library, before all hell had broken loose._

_After supper, during a meeting of the Order, they had been alerted that Harry and his friends had broken into the Ministry of Magic, and walked into a Death Eater's trap. With an edge of panic they had all apparated into the Department of Mysteries, where six students were attempting to duel with Voldemort's followers, and they had immediately joined the fray, dropping the Death Eaters as quickly as possible while getting the students out of harm's way._

_Dumbledore's appearance had sped the battle along quite considerably and Remus had to bodily drag Harry away, thankful that the worst seemed to be over._

"_SIRIUS!" Harry screamed suddenly, lunging forward with the intent to getting to his god-father. _

_Remus grabbed him held on tight, turning just in time to see Sirius fall backwards through the veil with one hand outstretched, trying to reach for him. Tears immediately sprang to Remus' eyes, and he clutched Harry tightly, even as the boy continued to fight to get away._

"_There's nothing you can do, Harry--" he said, trying to will away the tears. He could not cry. Not here, not now. Not when there was still too much uncertainty about the lives of Harry's friends hanging in the balance._

"_It's too late Harry--" Remus was fighting two battles, but was forced to abandon the fight against his tears to hold onto Harry._

"_There's nothing you can do, Harry…" Remus wondered if his words were actually meant for Harry, or if they were meant to convince himself instead. "Nothing…" Remus could feel his heart shattering even as he took a ragged breath. "He's gone."_

_Harry continued to struggle as Remus dragged him away, every muscle in his body shaking and wanting to give up, wanting nothing more than to follow Sirius through the veil. He had promised to be with Sirius forever, but as the seconds passed, he could already feel the bond weakening._

"_He can't come back, Harry," Remus choked on his words, almost unable to hold onto the boy in his arms and the grief rapidly filling his body. "He can't come back."  
_

_With that, Harry gave up the fight and collapsed limply in his arms. Remus, unable to support himself, much less the dead weight of a fifteen year old boy, collapsed with him. He was pale and shaking, and he knew Harry didn't understand by the look of confusion and pain on the boy's face. They hadn't yet told him about the bonding._

_He turned away from the archway, unable to see it without tears falling freely down his face. "Where are the others?" he asked, the pain evident in his voice. Unable to deal with his own heartache at the moment, Remus did what he always did best, and began to gather the wreckage left behind in the battle, healing wounds and making sure everyone was accounted for. Everyone that was, except Sirius Black._

_Only that morning, Remus had been dreaming of the future and a house with space for him and Sirius, Harry, and their un-named, dark-haired daughter. That night, the dream was shattered and left in broken shards on the floor, incapable of being cleaned up without opening both old and new wounds. _

_Later that night, once everyone had been returned to where they belonged, whether it be Hogwarts, Grimmauld Place, or Azkaban, Remus returned home to the flat he had shared with Sirius. Sinking into the soft mattress and his own despair, Remus welcomed the darkness, for as it broke him once in the past, it had also gave him back his one true love._

_Again the darkness left Remus with a gaping hole in his heart, but this time, there was not enough fabric left to mend the tear._


	19. Chapter 19

***

"_I hate you," Remus mumbled. Without moving his arm, he smacked Sirius on the side of the head, feeling decidedly better when his hand met warm skin._

"_Owww, Moony!" Sirius moaned as he flinched away from the contact, but in doing so caused a hot heat and searing pain to spread across his entire body. "That hurts!" he howled as he dug the side of his face further into the cool pillow and tried to remain completely still._

"_Serves you right," came the mumbled reply, almost unintelligible from where Remus had his face shoved into a pillow._

"_Serves you both right," James' mum announced from the doorway. "You should know better than to fall asleep in the sun without even the simplest sun protection charm."_

"_S'wasn't my fault," Remus tried to convince anyone who would listen. His voice lacked any semblance of conviction, and instead he came across more as a child trying to convince his parents he wasn't the one who took the last cookie from the jar._

"_Of course it wasn't," James' mum sounded far too amused for Remus' liking. "Sirius here just made you go swimming and then forced you to sleep on the beach with him."_

_Her words caused Remus to shift uncomfortably and let out a muffled wail of pain. __**That's not what she meant**__, he had to remind himself. __**You can't be thinking about that while you're sharing a bed with Sirius and James' mum is taking care of you!**_

_His face blushed where it was shoved into the pillow, and he groaned at the heat that spread over what had been cool fabric. "S'not fair," he whimpered when a cool, chunky paste was spread across his back. "I didn't even want to go."_

"_Liar," Sirius mumbled next to him. "You were looking for any excuse to get away from your textbook. Though I don't know why you were even reading that thing, since it's still summer holidays."_

_Mrs. Potter snorted in amusement from somewhere behind them as she finished laying potato on Remus' back and moved around the bed to Sirius' side. "Besides, Remus," she cut in, "Sirius it much worse than you do, and he's being surprisingly quiet about it."_

"_That's because he's a stupid prat," Remus muttered darkly, turning his face away from the rapidly-warming pillow in search of relief from the heat. A quickly cast cooling charm from Mrs. Potter sent him straight back to it a moment later, and he realized that the heat on his back had lessened substantially._

"_Well, you got the stupid part right, at least," the amusement was back in her voice. "At least you're smart enough to wear swimming shorts."_

"_Hey!" Sirius mumbled, unable to move his mouth much without pain spreading across his face. "That was on a dare… wasn't my fault."_

"_And you always listen to James, do you?" she laughed lightly._

"_Ppffbbttt," Sirius sputtered before giving up and falling silent, content to let his best friend's mum soothe his sunburn. He couldn't imagine letting his own mum, or anyone else for that matter, near him in this state. He refused to even let James or Peter in the room._

"_How bad is it?" Remus asked, turning his head out of the pillow to look at his friend. The sight left him chuckling with amused laughter._

"_His back and arms are just as bad as yours," James' mum replied, winking at him as she continued to spread the mixture onto Sirius' back. "But he's also burned down the backs of his legs, on part of his face, and his bum."_

"_Shut it," Sirius muttered with a glance at Remus, his eyes falling shut again when the soothing concoction was spread across his bum, causing a blush to make the unburned side of his face match the rest of his body. "This is bloody embarrassing."_

"_Well maybe next time you'll remember that sun protection charm, yes?" Mrs. Potter reminded him gently. "I don't plan to do this for you again."_

"_What's the potion?" Remus asked suddenly, curious to know, just in case. It wouldn't hurt him one bit if he was the one spreading the cream across Sirius' perfect bum._

"_Oh, it's not a potion," she replied off-handedly. "It's just grated potatoes and cucumber slices."_

"_Great," Sirius announced. "I'm a fruit salad."_


	20. Chapter 20

***

_Fine particles of pure white sand slid fluidly through the neck of the hourglass under the watchful gaze of Remus Lupin. Time had been moving steadily later as he sat in his office at Hogwarts with the Marauders Map and the magical hourglass, and Remus was baffled by what that meant._

_The hourglass was not a typical hourglass, nor was it one like Slughorn's, which measured the interest of conversations. Remus Lupin's hourglass was a gift made specifically for him._

_Carefully tracing the dot labeled "Harry Potter" on the map, Remus pondered over the enigma that was his hourglass while he waited for something to happen._

_***_

_The summer following their graduation was a summer filled with trouble-making, fun, and love. The Marauders had decided to take an extended holiday at the Potter's seaside cottage before beginning the mundane routine of work that would mark the beginning of the rest of their lives, and it was there that Remus' life was changed forever._

_That was the summer James, Sirius, and Peter had gotten themselves thrown in Muggle jail for urinating in the town fountain, leaving Remus to bail them out with transfigured Leprechaun gold. The summer when James told them he would be proposing to Lily during the Christmas holiday. The summer they all jumped off the end of the pier stark naked and screaming like banshees. The summer Sirius and Remus had shared their first kiss on the sandy white beaches in the darkness of a new moon. It was a summer of growth, and a summer of change; it was a summer none of them would give up for all the galleons in Gringotts._

_The following Christmas Eve, when James had whisked Lily away to propose and Peter had made himself scarce, Sirius had handed him a brightly wrapped package and waited eagerly for him to open it. Inside the velvet-lined case was an hourglass, the sand streaming steadily through the neck, even though it was lying on its side._

"_An hourglass?" Remus has asked, slightly confused as to why his lover was so excited about a simple hourglass, even if it was beautiful._

"_It's not just an hourglass," Sirius explained, wrapping his arms around Remus and pulling him closer. "It's a love-glass. It shows that love is as steady as time, always there, always moving forward."_

"_Did you come up with that on your own?" Remus teased, settling comfortably against the Sirius' expansive chest._

"_I did," Sirius answered, "Just for you, Moony, because you make me a big sap."_

"_It's wonderful," Remus kissed him lightly on the cheek and snuggled in closer. "Thank you."_

"_Did you notice the sand?" _

_The question came just as Remus was beginning to drift off, and he shifted his head in the negative, too content to move away from the comfortable warmth._

"_It's from the shore last summer, under the lifeguard tower."_

_Remus' breathing slowed and evened out, with a smile still on his lips as he dreamed._

_The hourglass stayed on the table that night, the sand streaming steadily through it, as it stood watch over the lovers asleep on the sofa._

_***_

_For five years the hourglass was a constant measure of time, turning itself every hour to pour the sand in the opposite direction, time measured accurately and precisely._

_In the years since James' death and Sirius' imprisonment, however, the hourglass did not function properly. The sand slowed, only dropping one or two impossibly-small grains of translucent sand at a time, no longer a steady stream, but an awkward and unstable line. Sometimes more fell through, sometimes less. In those years, Remus had kept the object on his desk, glancing at it occasionally, but rarely pondering over the meaning of it._

_He had moved out of the flat because there were too many memories attached to it, but the hourglass went with him when he moved and traveled, out of habit or curiosity, it was not clear even to him._

_***_

_Since Sirius' escape from Azkaban, though, the stream had become heavier. It still did not measure time accurately, but there was a marked increase in the number of grains falling through the neck. Remus wasn't sure exactly what it meant, but he had a feeling his theory was correct. The confirmation of his theory depended on the map, as he had noticed the speed of the sand was more regular each time Sirius Black had broken into the grounds or the castle, and tonight was the strongest the hourglass had been since that fateful night._

_Remus took a sharp intake of breath, hissing as two new names appeared on the map. __**Peter Pettigrew**__ had now joined Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ronald Weasley, and __**Sirius Black**__ was running straight for them._

_Remus grabbed for his wand and ran for the doors without noticing the hourglass. In the empty office, the stream of sand increased in speed until it was once again measuring the hours that passed accurately, waiting for its owner and creator to return._


	21. Chapter 21

***

_A cackling laugh echoed in the silent streets, the sound reverberating off the close buildings and startling a group of rats which had been feasting on something that might've been alive at one point. An amused chuckle soon joined the cackle, both getting louder after James had drunkenly slurred, "Look Pete, even your relatives are as chicken as you!" in response to the rats scattering._

"_A' leas' I can trans… trans… transform w'ever I wan'," Peter retorted, swinging the bottle in his hand and stumbling to his knees in the dirty alley. "You look stupid."_

_Remus tensed momentarily before shoving aside the dark thoughts about transformation. "What does that even mean?" Remus asked with a forced grin, his laughter silenced but still glittering faintly in his eyes._

_James' laughter joined Sirius' cackle this time as they both stumbled and tried to help Peter off the ground._

"_You're drunk!" Sirius informed Peter with a high-pitched giggle. His feet slipped out from under him when he tried to pull Peter up, and if not for Remus' strong arms around him, he would've joined the other boy on the ground._

"_You're all drunk," Remus replied affectionately, pulling Sirius away from the other two so James could help Peter to his unstable feet. He'd discovered months earlier that it was easier to let one drunken person help another up than it was for two drunks to help a third._

"_You're not anymore?" James asked, dumbfounded. "You had more to drink than the rest of us!"_

_Remus rolled his eyes at his friend. It was a conversation they had every time they went drinking, and every time James would forget and be baffled by how quickly Remus recovered._

"_Did you see the puffskein that just went around the corner?" Remus asked James while he pretended to be interested in the going-ons at the end of the alley._

"_Really? Where?" James looked down the alley and took off in an unstable gait._

_Remus laughed as Peter followed him, weaving back and forth in the narrow alley and frequently bouncing off walls. The pair of them were entirely too easily distracted once they got sloshed._

"_There was no puffskein!" Sirius announced once the pair was out of ear-shot. "You're a liar, Moony."_

"_I had to get rid of them somehow, didn't I?" Remus questioned, walking his lover backwards until he was leaning against the damp, soot-stained brick wall._

"_Why'd we have to get rid of them?" Sirius asked coyly, blinking rapidly to clear the drunken haze from his eyes._

"_So I could ravish you, of course," Remus said, very matter-of-fact. Without giving the dark-haired boy a chance to reply he captured the full red lips under his, his tongue plundering the compliant mouth to find every last trace of ale._

_Sirius responded in a matter of seconds and their tongues battled for dominance while he wrapped his arms around Remus' shoulders to draw the thin boy closer. With their bodies flush against each other and Remus' erection digging insistently against his hip, Sirius moaned into the kiss as pleasure coursed through his body._

_Need pulsed in their veins, driving them faster and harder, rutting against each other in a dank alley, their friends forgotten. Remus pulled out of the kiss to attack Sirius' neck with a series of nips and bites and sucks, sliding one hand from Sirius' back to his thigh, urging it up to wrap it around his hip and change the angle of their grinding._

"_Oh!" Sirius groaned loudly, thrusting wildly against his lover's leg, like the dog he was._

_Remus' keened in response, the sound muffled by the freshly-marked skin of Sirius' neck, as he thrust back with abandon, bringing them so close to the edge._

_Sirius dropped his mouth to his lover's shoulder and bit down hard to muffle his scream as all conscious thought exploded in a blinding light and his body shook from the force of his orgasm. Remus followed moments later, a howl of pleasure ripped from his body and echoing around them as they continued to thrust against each other in slowed movements, until their knees gave out and they sagged heavily against the wall. Their breathing was heavy and labored as they panted against the sweat-soaked skin of the other._

"_What are you guys doing?!" James' voice cried from the darkness of the street. "We've got to find that puffskein!"_

"_Mmmmppphhfff," Sirius mumbled, burying his head against his lover's neck._

"_I know, love," Remus whispered in response, dragging his hand through Sirius' damp hair. "Let's go get them so we can get home."_

_Sirius reluctantly removed his leg from around Remus and tried to stand, his legs unsteady both from the alcohol and his recent orgasm. After wrapping one arm around Remus' waist for support he was able to walk in an almost-straight line and they picked their way down the dingy alley, emerging into the dark street where they found James looking around frantically._

"_It was just over there," James said excitedly, pointing towards the overpass. "Pete tried to chase it down."_

"_Well let's go then," Remus replied with a goofy grin on his face and trailed behind James with Sirius tucked closely into his side._

"_Can we stay like this forever?" Sirius asked sleepily, resting his head on Remus' shoulder and closing his eyes, trusting his lover to lead him in the right direction._

"_Of course," he responded immediately, placing a kiss on the crown of Sirius' hair. "Of course we can," he added when they reached the overpass and found Peter passed out on the pavement with James hovering over him, trying desperately to revive him while ranting about puffskeins. _


	22. Chapter 22

***

_The train gave a sudden lurch, taking Remus' stomach with it, and the boy curled even further into the window, his pale face plastered against the cool glass of the window. _

_Outside the train, the English countryside passed in a blur of brown and gray, the blurred horizon defined only by the occasional tree. The passages inside the train were loud and rowdy, filled with students talking and enjoying the ride to Hogwarts. _

_In Remus' compartment, however, the lights were turned down low as he pretended to sleep. Other students had stopped by the compartment, in search of a place to sit, but the sight of a sickly, sleeping boy had deterred them. He fiddled absently with his wand, turning it over in his hands as he stared out the window and tried to quell his queasy stomach, thinking hard about what his first year at Hogwarts would be like._

_Getting his wand had been difficult enough; Remus thought morosely, the Sorting was going to be nearly impossible to get through. He contemplated the wand in his hands, drawing his eyes away from the window to peer curiously at the shining piece of wood. It wasn't black, like he expected black poisonwood would be, but rather a rich, deep brown color. _

_***_

_Mr. Ollivander had looked at him curiously from behind his glasses as he tried wand after wand, unable to find a suitable match, while he tisk-ed constantly and mumbled to himself. With every passing moment Remus' uncertainty had grown, and he was terrified that there was no wand for him, that once again his __**problem**__ would get in the way of a normal life. Without a wand, he wouldn't be able to go to Hogwarts, and if he couldn't go to Hogwarts… Remus had nearly been in tears when Mr. Ollivander pulled a black box from the shelves and handed him yet another wand. With a reluctant flick of his wrist, he had been stunned to see a vase of dead flowers bloom on the counter. _

"_Wonderful!" the small man had announced. "Splendid! Chimera scale and Black Poison wood, fourteen and a half inches. Unlikely combination, though very strong. Rarely work with chimera scale myself," Ollivander had rambled on and on as he went to the register to ring up the purchase. "That will be twenty-two galleons," Ollivander announced suddenly,_

"_Oh," Remus had replied dejectedly, staring down at the bit of warm wood in his hand, a single tear sliding down his cheek. "I only have eight galleons," he said sadly, laying the wand on the counter and stepping away to swipe furiously at his cheeks. Eight galleons was an entire month's rent for his parents flat, he knew, and he had never in his life seen twenty-two galleons at one time. He was extremely disappointed that after such an exhausting search for a wand, he would just have to go to one of the cheaper wand makers. Perhaps he would even go to the junk shop across the street and try his luck at finding a wand. Then he could give his parents back most of the money towards rent, and they would be none the wiser. Remus had gotten all the way to the door before Ollivander had called him back. _

"_You know," he said, "This wand has been sitting in this shop since 1602. I was beginning to think I'd never sell it, so I believe its value has depreciated over time." Ollivander had waved him back over with a small smile. "It should be going for, oh, about eight galleons now, I believe."_

_Remus' grin had spread across his face at the old man's words. After handing over the eight galleons, he had held the wand reverently, surprised at how natural it felt, as if it was a part of him. He had already known he'd never find another wand that fit him so well and so he ignored the shame he felt from Ollivander's pity._

_Before returning home, he had begged his mother to take him to the library so he could find books on wand lore. That night in his dark bedroom, lit only by the flickering light of a single candle, he searched for everything he could find out about Chimera scale and Black Poisonwood. Ollivander had told him the truth about the strength of the wand, but his other findings deflated his excitement and wonder._

_Chimera scale was rare for use in wand core, not only because it was nearly impossible to retrieve, but also because it was used almost exclusively by half-breeds, most of which were unable to use a wand to perform magic. The realization that his lycanthropy was reflected in his magic chewed at Remus' insides, and he found himself to be more and more disappointed with his wand as the night wore on. He had hoped that the chance to develop his wizarding skills would mean he wasn't defined by the monster he became once a month, but the knowledge about his wand quickly squashed that dream._

_The wood used for his wand, black poisonwood, also carried a stigma that caused Remus to frown. Most wand wood was inherently good or bad, and lent itself well to magic of one type or another. Black poisonwood, however, could either be good or dark. It was strong and versatile, yes, but that strength could be used for either curses or protective spells, depending on the temperament of the user._

_Remus sighed in the dark, wishing not for the first time that he didn't have the blood of a dark creature, of a monster, running through his veins._

_***_

_**The hat is going to put me in Slytherin**__, his eyes watered ever so slightly at the thought. __**It's going to know what I am, and I won't be able to say it's wrong. It doesn't matter than I'm smart; it's only going to see the lycanthropy.**_

_Remus was drawn out of his miserable musings when the compartment door opened and loud noise spilled into the dim room._

"_Excuse me," a small boy with pale skin and ebony hair stepped into the compartment. "Is this seat taken?" he gestured to the empty bench across from Remus. "Everywhere else is full."_

"_Go ahead," Remus' voice cracked and he turned back to the window to hide the tears that had been threatening to fall._

"_I'm Sirius Black," the boy announced, oblivious to Remus' inner turmoil. "I'm probably going to be in Slytherin, on account of my entire family has been in Slytherin forever."_

_Remus had finally gotten control of his tears and he looked over at the boy across from him. Sirius Black, while pale, was not pasty and awkward like Remus, but had narrow, aristocratic features, like the kings and princes on Muggle television. He was wearing nice pants and a shirt that looked brand new, and Remus couldn't help but compare them to his own ragged t-shirt and jeans. The boy's voice was strong and steady, and he was obviously sure of himself; everything Remus wasn't._

"_What's your name?" Sirius prompted, forcing Remus to stop staring._

"_Remus," he replied shakily. "Remus Lupin."_

"_That's a cool wand," Sirius pointed at the object in Remus' hands and he looked down dumbly at it. "I always hoped I'd get a black poisonwood wand, but I got this boring old oak one instead."_

"_Why would you want a wand made of black poisonwood?" Remus asked curiously, his forehead scrunched in confusion._

"_Because it's strong, but it doesn't have to be good or bad," Sirius tried to explain. "Oak is strong, too, but it pretty much means I have to be good. I like causing trouble too much for an oak wand!" He grinned broadly, showing two rows of straight, perfectly white teeth._

"_I suppose," Remus grinned back, feeling better about going to Hogwarts. It seemed like he had already made a friend, and if they were both in Slytherin, Remus was sure that it wouldn't be too bad. Until his new friend found out about his problem…_

"_Do you want to play chess?" Sirius asked, digging through his bag for the travel set he had gotten for his birthday the year before last._

"_Sure!" Remus replied excitedly as he stashed his wand and moved to the seat next to Sirius. "I love chess!"_

"_Brilliant!" Sirius announced, opening up the game and removing the pieces. "What house do you think you'll be in?"_

"_Dunno," Remus replied, placing his pieces on the board. "I'd like to be in Ravenclaw, but I've got a feeling I'll be in Slytherin."_

"_That would be wicked!"_

_The pair played chess and talked about anything and everything until the train pulled into the Hogsmeade station and they dressed quickly in their school robes._

_Remus once again felt awful standing next to Sirius, comparing the brand new school robes to his own second-hand and patched robes, but the boy's grin was too contagious to stay upset for long._

"_Let's go!" Sirius threw an arm around Remus' neck and all but dragged him off the train and passed an incredibly large and hairy man to the boats. _

_Their boat already held two other boys, one of which was tall with glasses and short black hair that stood out every which way and the other who was short and squat with light hair and pointed features. They introduced themselves as James and Peter, and Sirius dealt with introducing Remus and himself._

_Remus was quite content to let Sirius control the conversation while he got to stare up at the castle that loomed off in the distance, his heart filling with the knowledge that he might get the chance to be normal. If even only for the first four weeks of classes before the full moon, it was four weeks of normalcy he had never experienced before._

_Happy and excited chatter filled the boat, and the four stayed close together as they were led inside by a thin, formidable woman with square glasses who introduced herself as Professor McGonagall before being taken into the Great Hall for the sorting._

_Sirius had dropped his arm from Remus' shoulders, but had taken his hand and held it tightly as they waited for their names to be called, giving Remus a strength he hadn't had before._

"_Black, Sirius!" McGonagall announced, and Sirius squeezed his hand tightly before walking confidently up to the stool._

_He sat there for a long minute, and Remus wondered what was going through Sirius' mind as his face slid from cool confidence, to shock, to dejection in a span of thirty seconds. "Gryffindor!" the hat shouted, and Remus looked on in shock. He would never get placed in Gryffindor._

_Sirius looked down as he shuffled towards the cheering table. Once seated, he looked up to meet  
Remus' eye and shrugged with a sad smile. _

_There was nothing that could be done now that Sirius had been sorted, Remus knew, but he was still disappointed that he wouldn't be with his new friend._

"_Lupin, Remus!" McGonagall's voice called out, forcing his gaze away from the Gryffindor table and back to the front of the Great Hall._

_He walked to the stool, hands shaking at his sides, and he clenched them tightly together to calm himself. The hat was too big for his head and it slipped down over his eyes, much to the amusement of everyone else in the hall, but Remus couldn't be bothered to listen to them when the hat began speaking to him._

"_Interesting," the hat spoke to him. "You are a difficult one to place. You are brilliant to be sure, loyal and fair, but there is a darkness that pours off you. You would do well in Slytherin," the hat continued. "Your mind and loyalty would be put to use and you would learn to embrace the darkness within yourself."_

_Remus shifted uncomfortably. "However," the hat spoke again to him. "I can see you do not wish to be put in that position. You wish only to control your darkness, which means, it better be…" the hat trailed off and Remus held his breath._

"_Gryffindor!" the table in question burst into applause, lead by Sirius who was grinning clapping furiously._

_Remus blushed and hurried to the table, squeezing into the spot Sirius had just cleared next to him by forcing another girl to move down the bench._

"_Well done," Sirius' grin lit up his entire face, and Remus couldn't help but smile back. He threw an arm around Remus again, and the smaller boy's face stayed permanently pink for the remainder of the sorting, through "Pettigrew, Peter" and "Potter, James," both Gryffindor, all the way down to "Zargoza, Avianna."_

_It was going to be a good year; Remus laughed at something Sirius had said and grinned across the table at Peter and James. Or at least a great four weeks._


	23. Chapter 23

***

_The fire popped and hissed, burning Remus' eyes as he stared into it without blinking. Behind him Christmas Eve was carrying on as a happy affair. Everyone in the Weasleys' "extended" family was gathered together, talking, laughing, listening to music, and generally enjoying themselves, but Remus sat apart from them, lost in his own thoughts._

_**Two Christmases**__, he thought to himself. __**I only got two Christmases with Sirius**__. His heart ached with loss, a feeling that was more acute now that the holidays were near and everyone was gathered together. Everyone there had someone to love or spend time with, everyone that was, except Remus._

_He unconsciously toyed with a tiny hourglass that hung on a gold chain around his neck. The sand was permanently fixed in either side of the glass, and no matter which way it was turned the sand remained stationary. It had been a Christmas gift from Sirius the year they were fresh out of Hogwarts, and he wore it daily because it was his most prized possession, and because it could not betray him should he be captured or interrogated. It was a little piece of Sirius he could carry with him, something only he would understand. It offered him a small comfort that he needed, especially on Christmas Eve when surrounded by a happy family, and even more so when the full moon fell on said Christmas Eve._

_He carefully drank from a steaming cup of Wolfsbane potion, making sure not to spill any. If he was going to have to spend the holidays here, the lease he could do was make sure he didn't go on a blood-thirsty rampage and bite or kill everyone in the house. _

_He desired nothing more than to throw himself into the fire at that moment. It was a morbid and morose thought, but he wondered how badly he would have to burn himself to die. Would the living room fire do it? Perhaps if he silenced his voice and came down once everyone else was in bed… he contemplated, still staring into the depth of the fire. Or he could step outside and conjure fiendfyre, he thought. He'd sure die if he waved the fiendfyre over himself._

_Remus flinched when Molly sat down next to him and he tried to avoid her eyes when she questioned him about Tonks' whereabouts for the holiday. He gave her tired, one-word responses until she eventually gave up and went back to the kitchen._

_Tonks had been trying to get his attention since shortly after Sirius' death and Molly had been assisting her by trying to persuade Remus. It was bothersome and insensitive, though neither of the women knew it because they had not been aware that Remus and Sirius had been bonded. To Remus, at least, it seemed as if Tonks had been waiting for her cousin to step out of the picture so she could have a go at him. Therefore he was extremely thankful that she was not there to pester him for the holiday, and instead he was left alone to brood in his own despair._

_Soon after, or it might've been hours later, people began drifting upstairs to their sleeping quarters for the night. Finally, once the room was empty, Remus stood and went to the window, his body screaming from tension that strained his muscles and pulled them tight over his joints. He looked up at the glowing orb in the sky, and a single word came to mind: __**radish.**__ A smile crossed his features for the first time in months, and he leaned against the window sill to support his weight._

"_Radish," he giggled softly, staring out at the night sky. One summer, back when they were in school, they had been invited over to the Potters' for dinner. Sirius had waved a radish on a fork at him, teased him, and told him that he shouldn't be afraid of the moon, he should be afraid of radishes. For the following year, instead of calling it "moon," they had called it "radish," to the complete confusion of their entire house, not to mention the poor Astronomy teacher who had to read essays about the "great radish in the sky." Sirius had gotten a B on that essay, much to his amusement. _

"_Remus?" a voice asked softly from behind him. "You okay?"_

_He tried to control the stupid smile on his face when he glanced back at Harry, but gave up after only a few moments. The smile felt too good on his face to try to wipe it away._

_The grandfather clock ticked in the background, counting down the minutes until the full moon._

"_The night is black_

_The stars are small and high_

_A radish rises in the waiting sky," Remus recited, laughing at the memory from sixth year when Sirius had written a poem about radishes._

_Harry looked on as if Remus had lost his mind, which Remus supposed he possibly, probably, had. Sirius always said he was more carefree when the full moon approached, and for the first time, Remus had to admit it was true. He was depressed and broken-hearted, but though he hated to admit it, the night of the full moon gave him freedom. For a few hours, he did not have to hide who he was._

"_What?" Harry asked, confused._

"_The moon," Remus gestured at the window. "I should go. It's almost time."_

_Harry stared up at the moon-radish and asked quietly, "Will you come back down after?"_

"_Yes," Remus replied, instinctively knowing Harry was missing Sirius, too. "I'll be back."_

_With that, he disappeared up the stairs to Bill's bedroom for the transformation. A few painful minutes later, a large sandy-colored wolf walked down the stairs. Harry still stood at the window, not bothering to look back at Remus, even when the wolf walked up beside Harry and nudged at his hand._

_Harry scratched the wolf behind the ears and patted him gently on the head. He wandered away from the window and back to the couch, where the wolf jumped up next to him and curled up with his head on Harry's leg._

"_I miss him," Harry whispered, adopting Remus' pose from earlier in the evening and staring into the fire._

"_I know you were close," he stroked between the wolf's ears. "Closer than you ever told me, anyway. You made him happy." Harry's eyes quickly filled with tears and he did not bother to fight them as they began to slide down his face._

_Remus listened to Harry and wished there was more he could do for the boy, but he knew that Harry would not be comfortable talking to him this way if he was in human form. The wolf offered a barrier, a protection against too much emotion. Remus whimpered as his own memories of Sirius surfaced._

_Since being reunited with Sirius, they had spent every full moon together, Moony and Padfoot, wolf and dog. Before the Wolfsbane potion, Padfoot was there to protect people from Moony, but once he began taking the potion, Moony and Padfoot had gotten closer and played more, like Sirius and Remus had._

_They were mates in animal form long before they were bonded in their human forms, and the wolf raised his head slightly to let out a sorrow-filled howl over the loss of its mate. Moony had never been fond of being part of a pack, which is why Remus found it so difficult to live with the werewolves as he had been doing for many months at Dumbledore's request, but he had found great pleasure in having a single companion with him through every moon._

"_I just wish," Harry's voice constricted tightly and he choked on a sob, prompting Moony to nudge his nose against Harry's stomach. "I wish we had more time together, you know? We never had the chance to do everything we talked about doing…" Harry was rambling, but Moony did nothing except nuzzle into the hand that was resting on his snout._

_Moony waited patiently until Harry had finally passed out from exhaustion and tears, curled up into the arm of the sofa, and Remus was reminded just how very young Harry was. He slipped out from under Harry's arm and made his way outside and around the house until he found the Dog Star high in the sky, shining brightly down upon him. He curled up under an old blanket with his head resting on his front paws and stared up at the night sky. He could feel his mate looking down on him from his namesake, and he howled mournfully to let Sirius know how much he missed him, and that he was thinking of him on the frosty, Christmas Eve._


	24. Chapter 24

***

_Remus dove behind a half-obliterated tree, narrowly missing a curse intended for his chest, and threw a Stunning spell of his own at the spot he expected the unknown Death Eater to be. A gasp and the following thud informed Remus that once again his quick calculations were correct and he had successfully dropped whoever had been pursing him._

_He summoned the Death Eater's wand and promptly snapped it in half, throwing the pieces in two separate directions, before conjuring ropes to bind the unmoving body to a tree. Without a backwards glance, he ran back into the melee, determined to end this skirmish sooner rather than later._

_The number of fighters had been significantly depleted since he was last at the site of the main battle, both members of the Order and Death Eaters were missing or lying unconscious or dead on the ground, and Remus didn't have to count to know they were outnumbered. From the cover of trees he cast Stunning spell after Stunning spell, moving quickly so no one was able to pinpoint his position, and Voldemort's numbers began dwindling at a steady pace._

_A twig snapped off to his left and he crouched down low as he turned, wand at the ready, prepared to attack whoever was sneaking up on him._

"_Moony?" a pained voice cried out, and Remus realized it was James staggering towards him clutching his stomach with a hand that was covered in blood. "Help?"_

"_Shit!" Remus swore under his breath as he stood to help James to the forest floor. "What did they hit you with?"_

"_Dunno," James' eyes were rolling back in his head. "'Was red… I think…" his words slurred together and Remus quickly cast muttered spells to cauterize the wound and seal his injuries. By the time the bleeding had stopped James was unconscious._

_The shouts were getting louder, Remus noted, one ear still listening intently to the battle and the sounds of the forest around him. After dropping a disillusionment charm over his friend, Remus went back to his position to inspect the battle, easily noticing that the odds of surviving the battle were even worse now._

_Sirius was still standing, dueling with two Death Eaters, one of which had long silver-blonde hair that gleamed in the moonlight. Remus expected it was Lucius Malfoy, but did not linger on the thought as he scanned the rest of the battlefield. The Longbottoms were having it out with a pair of masked figures, Arthur Weasley and Mad-Eye Moody seemed to have their duels under control, and Lily had her hands full with two of her own. _

_A spark of purple grazed across Lily's temple, causing her to cry out, and Remus ran forward to defend his friend. He managed to disarm one and had just turned on the other when Lily shouted a particularly strong Stunning spell and sent the Death Eater flying thirty feet backwards until his head hit a tree trunk with a sickening crack._

_The unarmed fighter looked at Remus and for a moment their eyes locked in the midst of flashing lights and loud screams. He saw terror in the person's eyes. Before he had time to cast, the Death Eater turned on his heel and disapperated with a crack that echoed across the field._

_Following in his wake, the remaining Death Eaters disapperated away, leaving Aurors and members of the Order breathing hard in the wreckage, scanning the remains of what had once been a beautiful grove in the forest. Without speaking they quickly gathered the injured and their dead. _

_Remus ran back to retrieve the captured Death Eater and James' unconscious body. Upon his return he passed the Death Eater off to the Aurors and gave James to Lily, knowing she would be able to care for him better than any of the healers at St. Mungo's, then began looking around for his own partner. He spotted Sirius off to the side of the clearing and he went straight to his side._

_Sirius had an open gash down the length of his left arm and he was trying desperately to heal it himself. Remus pulled Sirius' wand away from the wound and replaced it with his own, stabilizing the wound until they could get somewhere to inspect it properly._

"_Headquarters," Remus whispered, taking Sirius' good hand and apparating them back to the unplottable, Muggle warehouse they were using as a temporary headquarters._

_Once under the safety of the florescent lights, Remus set to mending the wound, able to work better now he could see the damage. _

_Sirius hissed when the skin bubbled and mended itself back together, but he did not say anything. _

_Finally everyone returned, many assisting limping or unconscious partners, and far too many carrying bodies that Remus knew would never wake. He could see the Thompson girl amongst the later group, and his heart wept for her. She was only a few months out of Hogwarts, far too young to be fighting this war, and yet there she lay, never to fight again._

_Remus finished checking over his lover then sat patiently while Sirius checked him over. He let Sirius mend his scrapes and bruises from diving to the forest ground, and both were thankful there were no more serious injuries to tend to._

_A few feet away, Lily was opening James' shirt to investigate the damage done to his torso. The round had been deep, but Remus had fixed the worst of it in the forest, and she set about mending it delicately to minimize the amount of scarring. _

_They approached her when she had finished, Sirius to sit with James, and Remus to tend to her injuries. Lily was nearly unscathed except for the streak of boils across the side of her head which had singed her hair and left her skin red and angry. He healed them and rubbed an ointment across the skin, then brushed some of her hair over to cover the bald patch._

"_How do you feel otherwise?" he asked softly so as not to disturb the silence in the room._

"_I can't see out of my left eye," she replied just as quietly._

_Remus was startled and turned her head to face him. Her left eye, caught on the same path the curse had made, was dark and clouded over with a milky haze. "I don't know how to fix that," Remus admitted sadly, a frown settling over his face as he shook his head apologetically._

"_Don't worry about it," she replied nobly, like the Gryffindor she was. "I'll deal with it later."_

_Everyone looked to the center of the room when the unmistakable crack of apparition echoed in the quiet building. Dumbledore stood there with seven of the nine Aurors, all looking worse for the wear, some still with open wounds._

"_As most of you can tell, that did not go well for us," Dumbledore said gravely once the Aurors had dispersed to take care of their wounds. "We lost a number of friends and loved ones, but we also made a huge dent in their forces," he told them encouragingly. "We managed to capture six of Voldemort's followers, at least once of which is believed to be part of the inner circle."_

_Heads nodded around the room. Everyone looked exhausted and their eyes were dark with pain._

"_Now go home. Look after yourselves, and be with your loved ones. I fear the next battle is not far off."_

_People began staggering slowly to their feet, gathering their things and preparing to head to their respective homes._

"_What are they telling the Muggles this time?" someone asked suddenly, and everyone froze, turning to Dumbledore for an answer. This battle had been significantly closer to two major Muggle cities, and the bright explosions and flashes of light were bound to have been noticed._

_Dumbledore sighed, but he answered the question, "They are being told it is the Aurora Borealis. The Muggle news reports are saying it was a sudden surge in the northern magnetic fields that resulted in the strange lights."_

"_Oh," the unanimous response echoed throughout the room. More than half of the witches and wizards did not understand Dumbledore's explanation, but so long as the Muggles were given an excuse they were not overly concerned._

"_C'mon," Sirius said gently, reaching for Remus' hand where it lay limply on top of the cot that James was asleep on._

_Remus had barely turned his hand over to entwine his cold fingers with Sirius' warm hand, when Dumbledore spoke again. _

"_Sirius, I need to speak with you," he said, drawing the exhausted wizard's attention. "In private."_

_He offered an apologetic smile to Remus and disappeared with Dumbledore to a rarely-used corner of the building._

"_What's that all about?" Lily asked curiously, stroking James' hair off his forehead absently._

"_No idea," Remus replied, handing over her wand and helping her into her travel cloak. "Will you be able to get him home alright?"_

"_I can manage," Lily smiled at Remus and hugged him tightly. "Take care of Padfoot."_

"_Take care of Prongs," Remus answered in their own private tradition, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth._

"_They need so much looking after," Lily grinned and disapperated with James in her arms._

_Remus set about cleaning up the room while he waited for Sirius. Fifteen minutes later, his lover returned, ashen-faced and shaking._

_Sirius wrapped his arms tightly around Remus and they disapperated, leaving the warehouse empty until the Order meeting the next day._


	25. Chapter 25

***

_The temperature in the flat was just above freezing. Without heat, it was hardly warmer inside than outside, though the walls did offer protection from the rain and sleet that pounded furiously against the outside of the building._

_Remus drew his cloak tighter around his thin frame, unable to suppress a shudder that wracked his body from his shoulders to his toes, and looked at the clock on the mantel. 6:27am. It was still much too early to head into work._

_He poured himself another cup of tea, his sixth of the morning, and returned to the sofa to burrow into the mound of blankets piled there. The lack of leaking windows meant it was much warmer in the main room than it was in the bedroom, and so Remus had been sleeping on the couch rather than in his bed for the better part of two weeks. _

_He mindlessly flipped channels on the telly until he found the news and stared with unfocused eyes as the Muggle anchors talked about a nuclear disaster in a place called Chernobyl. __**Mugwort**__, Remus' mind supplied, reminding him of when he studied Russian the previous year. __**Used to protect travelers from wild animals and werewolves.**__ Remus let his mind wander as the news anchors discussed the issue at hand and he watched the minutes tick by on the clock._

_When the time clicked over to 7:00am he turned off the television and pushed the blankets aside. It was still too early for work, but it would be much more believable if he said he had come in to get a head start on the new shipment of wizarding books that had had arrived late last night._

_He reached for his bag and wand to place them inside his cloak, and then left the flat, swiftly walking down the empty streets to the bookshop. He wordlessly performed an unlocking charm and entered the warm building, sighing in relief as his cold and tense muscles immediately began to warm and relax from the drying and warming spells that hung in the doorway._

"_Remus, dear?" Misty's voice came softly from somewhere in the store. "Is that you?"_

_He nodded in response, even though he knew she couldn't see it, and moved further into the shop. After stowing his things behind the counter he went in search of Misty, searching every aisle until he found her in the reading corner in the very back of the shop with a large book open on her lap._

"_You're here early," she said as he approached her chair. "Come in to get an early start on the new spell books?" she asked with a knowing smile._

_Remus nodded again and squeezed her shoulder gently. _

"_Well you'd best get to work then," she waved him away and turned her attention back to the book in her lap. She ran her strong fingers nimbly over the printed words while he walked away, and he idly wondered what she could be reading that would bring her into the shop so early in the morning._

_Remus had nearly finished the inventory when the store opened and a young couple walked in. They were only a few years younger than Remus himself, although he appeared nearly ten years their senior due to the stress of the last few years. He nodded a greeting from behind the counter and consulted his inventory list to find which book was missing._

_**Helpful Potions to Ease Short-Term Conditions of Half-Breeds, 7**__**th**__** Edition (1985)**_

_Remus raised one eye curiously at the title. He couldn't understand why Misty would be stocking a book about half-breeds, unless she knew… Remus shook his head. He had been working for Misty for four years, she was bound to have noticed that his absences were always around the full moon… except she was blind, how would she know when the full moon was? She was oddly perceptive, even in her old age and blindness, but that didn't mean… _

"_Excuse me?" one of the young men asked, drawing Remus' attention from the parchment in his hands. "I was wondering if you had the 1983 edition of __War and Peace__."_

_Remus nodded and shoved the parchment into his pocket before he stepped out from behind the counter and led the man down a number of aisles to the Russian Literature section. He stooped low to search the lower shelves, feeling the man's eyes on his backside. He stood as soon as the book was in hand, his face flush and ears burning, and caught the man eyeing him appreciatively. Remus shivered under the man's hungry gaze, and he awkwardly held out the book in question, eager to get away from the dark-haired man and his intense, pale eyes._

"_Would you be interested in joining my partner and me for a drink tonight?" he asked casually, causing Remus' eyes darted side to side in desperation. "It would be brilliant to have you over. I'd love to have the chance to get to know you better…" The man advanced towards him, cornering him between Russian and French Literature, his body only inches away from Remus' trembling form. His hand came up to caress Remus' face softly; Remus flinched away from the touch._

"_Remus?" Misty's voice called from the next aisle over, "Are you available to help this young man find a copy of Gardner's __Art Through the Ages__?"_

_He knew Misty was standing right next to the Art History section, but he was thankful for the escape route. He narrowly slipped away from the man and darted around the aisle to where Misty was standing with a sandy-haired boy. Trying to calm his breathing and ease his shaking limbs, Remus knelt to find the large book and offered it to the man. _

_The dark-haired man strolled easily towards them as if he hadn't just had Remus cornered against a bookcase and propositioned him. He stepped behind his partner and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy's waist, the copy of __War and Peace__ no where to be seen._

"_Thank you, Remus," Misty said, placing a warm hand on his shoulder. His trembling ceased almost entirely at the comforting touch. "Would you mind taking this book to the back while I ring these boys up?"_

_Remus nodded and took the book, glancing at the title as he made his getaway. __Helpful Potions to Ease Short-Term Conditions of Half-Breeds__, 7__th__ Edition. The missing book from the inventory list. The book Misty had been reading when he arrived that morning. He tried not to think too intently about the presence of the book as he hid in the back room._

_Back in the shop, the bell rang to announce the departure of the two young men. Misty appeared in the doorway a moment later, approaching him and wrapping her arms around him like a grandmother would comfort a child. She held him for a few silent moments then pulled away, ruffling his hair gently as she smiled up at him. "They left you a note, but I threw it away. No one needed to read the things they said."_

_Remus smiled back at her, and with a hoarse whisper replied, "Thank you." _


	26. Chapter 26

***

_Remus woke slowly from a pleasant dream and cuddled close to the warm body next to him. It was comforting and enjoyable, until his morning wood rubbed against the body and he jerked away in response, terrified he'd scare the boy away._

"_S'okay, Moony," Sirius mumbled, reaching for his friend to catch him before he fell of the narrow bed._

"_Mmphf," Remus muttered in response, hiding his mortified and blushing face in his arms, once Sirius had hauled him back onto the mattress._

_Sirius' deep rumble of laughter made Remus groan in frustration and he tried not to thrust against the mattress or turn so he could desperately hump Sirius' leg. __**It was not normal for blokes to have intensely sexual dreams about their best mates, even if said friend was looking particularly rumpled and fuck-able in the morning**__, Remus told himself until it was repeated like a mantra in his head. __**I will not jump Sirius, I will not jump Sirius.**_

_Sirius continued to laugh, oblivious to Remus' internal struggle, and slid his fingers into the soft brown hair, ruffling it into an even bigger mess and rubbing Remus' neck gently._

"_What're you doing?" Remus' voice was high-pitched and strained as he fought desperately to stay perfectly still under Sirius' ministrations. _

"_Come look at this," Sirius replied without answering the question, tugging on Remus' hair until the sandy-haired boy finally lifted his head from his arms._

_Sirius was lying on his stomach, drawn up the bed as far as he possibly could to look out the window. As a rare treat, the curtains over the window had been left open to take advantage of the new moon, and Sirius was now staring intently at the grounds below Gryffindor Tower._

_Remus shifted uncomfortably up the bed to lay next to his friend, shoulders touching, to get a clear view out the window. He still wasn't able to see what had captured Sirius' attention, so he shifted closer, until one leg was thrown dangerously over Sirius' and his erection was shoved into the mattress mere centimeters from the other boy's hip._

"_What…" he started to ask, but then cut himself off when he finally saw what had Sirius' attention._

_Many stories below them, James was on his broom, circling above Lily's head with her scarf trailing from his hand. Her attempts to grab the scarf were futile, as he rose just a couple more inches until it was entirely out of reach._

"_He's never going to get her that way," Remus commented, watching the scene play out. He could just imagine James' taunting voice._

"_I'll give it back if you agree to go to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow," he was probably saying with that annoyingly-confident smile of his._

"_I'd never go to Hogsmeade with you!" Lily would reply in anger. "You're a pompous, arrogant, git, Potter, that's what you are."_

_James' unrequited love was legendary around the school, especially after nearly six full years, and Remus didn't doubt Lily knew all about it. He had been steadily wearing her down over the last year, and Remus knew it would just be a matter of time before she finally agreed to go out with him._

_Unfortunately not all school-boy crushes would lead to a happy ending; Remus bit his lip to suppress a sigh at the thought. _

_Sirius snorted in agreement and shifted imperceptibly closer, though Remus noticed anyway because Sirius' hip was now putting just the slightest of pressure against the bulge in the smaller boy's pajama pants. He casually tried to slide the tips of his fingers into his mouth to bite down, unable to fully cover the whimper that escaped, though Sirius' gaze never shifted from the scene below._

_Remus let himself study the boy next to him for a few long moments, gazing unabashedly at the flawless skin on his face and the way his hair fell into perfect waves, even after just waking up. His ears were shaped in a beautiful curve, and Remus contemplated what it would be like to draw the perfect earlobe between his teeth and tease it until Sirius begged for more. He wondered how the newly-developed stubble would feel against his skin, rubbing against the soft flesh of his stomach as Sirius placed a trail of hot kisses down his stomach, in search of the ultimate prize._

_He squeaked when an image of Sirius' thin, pink lips stretched over his cock entered his mind and he drew away hastily, nearly running for the bathroom. __**This was definitely not good.**_


	27. Chapter 27

***

_Remus landed on the damp grass with a thud, his limbs spread-eagle as he lay there looking up at the pale gray sky, infused with the golden rays of dawn. He hadn't been concentrating when he disapperated, of that he was certain, since he had no idea where he had ended up. He was just thanking the stars he hadn't managed to splinch himself._

_Soft footfalls on the grass urged him to sit up and take in his surroundings, immediately on alert for signs of danger, but the sight before him took his breath away instead. He was in a clearing in the middle of what appeared to be a lush forest. The trees were packed densely together, and while it reminded him vaguely of the Forbidden Forest, the atmosphere felt vibrant and welcoming rather than cold and foreboding. Birds chattered noisily overhead and smaller animals ran through the thick undergrowth. He could see rare plants he had only seen in books, unicorns off in the distance, and Lily and James leaning casually against a tree on the edge of the grove, but none of these things had made his breath catch painfully in his throat._

_His entire reason for living strode purposefully towards him, strong arms swinging at his side, as he approached Remus, who was still sitting dumbfounded on the grass. When he finally stopped in front of Remus, it was as if everything had stopped. Time stood froze, the birds were silent, and the wind stopped sweeping through the trees. Blue eyes met pale gray, and Remus shivered under the intense gaze._

_Sirius held out a hand for Remus, who gratefully took it, and pulled his lover into a tight embrace._

_Remus breathed in the deep, heady scent of Sirius' skin mixed with something foreign that he could not identify, and clutched him tightly, keeping their bodies flush together from shoulder to thigh. His knees buckled from overwhelming emotion and he sagged against Sirius' strong chest, burying his face into his lover's neck, and losing himself in the sensation of Sirius' hands stroking circles on his back._

_Trelawny's incomprehensible words echoed in the back of his mind, a prophecy made after he had moved her to a safe house merely days earlier: "Your future will come to you once you have reconciled your past with the present. Once this is done, you will find the one you lost and be reunited under the ever-rising sun."_

_It hadn't made sense to him then, nor was it entirely clear now, but Remus could not be bothered to puzzle it out. Not while in a forest grove, wrapped in Sirius' arms. Not while his lover's hands slipped beneath his shirt and stroked up and down his thin back, or while one hand slid lower into the back of his pants to squeeze his arse. And he definitely couldn't be bothered when Sirius placed open-mouth kisses on the graceful arch of his neck, sucking gently on the pale flesh, and then soothed the marks with his tongue._

_Remus knew he should have been self-conscious. He had seen James and Lily standing no more than twenty paces away, and yet he did not hesitate when Sirius pulled the shirt off over his head, exposing the scars that littered his chest to the early morning light. Nor did he comment when his trousers followed shortly after. As he was lowered to the dew-covered grass, he gave himself completely to the mercy of his lover's tongue._

_Straddling Remus' thin frame, Sirius kissed and licked each of the scars, and in doing so, caused them to fade until only smooth skin remained. _

_When there was only one scar left, Remus opened his eyes to look down at Sirius, catching the gaze of the now-dark gray eyes. Their eyes locked and Remus watched as Sirius began working on the last scar, a wide, angry-looking purple scar that stretched across the center of his chest from his waist to the opposite shoulder. He had no recollection of where he had obtained such a scar, but once again, it did not bother him in the slightest._

_Sirius placed kisses close together, covering the scar, while never breaking Remus' gaze._

_After the last kiss was placed near his shoulder, and the pronounced scar disappeared from his chest, Remus let his eyes fall shut to allow Sirius free reign of his body for the first time in far too long. And as Sirius took advantage of his opportunity, Remus' mind relaxed into a state of pure contentment and happiness._

_He was not aware how he had come to be in that forest, or why he was there, but the only thing he was sure of, was that he was finally home._


	28. Chapter 28

***

_It was an uncommonly windy night, even for London in November. The wind whipped through the narrow streets, shaking windows in their frames, and threatening to knock over the few who ventured into the fierce night air._

_In the comfort of their flat, Remus and Sirius lay in bed, bodies curled comfortably together with legs entwined, listening to the wind howl. Basking in the afterglow of lovemaking, they were each lost in their own thoughts as hands stroked lightly over damp, slightly sticky, skin._

_Earlier in the evening, Remus had told Sirius that he needed to find something to do during the day, because Padfoot couldn't keep going to the bookstore with him. Sirius had quite promptly ended the conversation before it began by straddling Remus on the couch and drawing his attention elsewhere, but now Remus had time to ruminate on the problem in peace._

_Sirius was bored, he knew that. And a bored Sirius was far too much trouble, especially when he was supposed to be in hiding. Bored Sirius was the one who liked to blow things up and set fires. Bored Sirius was the one who was more reckless than normal, which is how he had been acting in recent weeks._

_Dumbledore had allowed Sirius to stay with Remus, under the condition that Sirius was to remain in the flat at all times, although they had been lax with that rule for the past fortnight. He had stayed inside and behaved for nearly two months, but Remus knew he felt as if he was back in Azkaban, he had only traded one dark cell for one with sex anytime he wanted it. He wasn't allowed out in the sunshine, or to walk down the street to the newsstand. He couldn't even speak to the neighbors they shared walls with!_

_Remus stroked and petted Sirius' hair, letting the silky locks slide through his fingers, and he tugged on them ever-so-slightly to elicit a muffled moan from his lover. As the only one allowed to be in regular contact with Sirius, he knew Sirius would eventually grow to detest him and eventually disregard him altogether, but what scared Remus most of all, was that eventually Sirius would venture into London and get himself killed. Or captured._

_He couldn't keep taking Padfoot to Bales of Books with him. The bookshop already had curious customers who came to see Misty and Remus, but the addition of a loveable black dog had increased business even more, drawing too much attention to the bookstore for Remus' taste._

_He contemplated the many different things Sirius could do inside the apartment, discarding every option he came up with. Muggle computer? No. Cat? Definitely not. New books? Even Remus knew there was only so much reading a man could take before he snapped. Something tugged at the edge of his memory, trying to tell him about something Sirius would love._

_His mind continued to list hobbies and activities. Drawing? Ha! Sirius couldn't hold a Muggle pencil even if he wanted to! Muggle LEGO blocks? He'd love the blocks, but Remus could just imagine coming home to find charmed little LEGO monsters running around. The entire series of Doctor Who? That might take him a while to get through, but then they'd be right back where they started._

_Finally, the tugging became more insistent and revealed itself. Herbology. Sirius would never admit to enjoying herbology or gardening, but Remus remembered their years at Hogwarts clearly. Sirius, who always had good marks in all subjects, had the highest grade in Herbology, much to the chagrin of Lily Evans. He always brushed it off as being an easy subject, or Professor Sprout liking him, which was entirely true, Remus reflected. Professor Sprout had doted on Sirius quite regularly, even going so far as to give him a small Snargaluff plant when he received his O.W.L. for Herbology in fifth year._

_A smile blossomed on Remus' face, and he pulled on Sirius' hair until the dark-haired man looked up at him, squinting his eyes in confusion._

"_What's got you so happy?" Sirius asked. "We had sex like thirty minutes ago."_

"_I know," Remus rolled so he was on top of Sirius and pinned him to the mattress. He moved his mouth to Sirius' neck to bite and suck on the soft flesh. "I finally figured out what you can do all day."_

"_Moony!" Sirius' yelped, whether from Remus' statement or the particularly painful bite he just received on his shoulder, Remus couldn't tell._

_***_

_Three days later, on Remus' day off, he banished Sirius to the bedroom and told him not to come out until told otherwise. He spent the afternoon magically-enlarging the broom closet to create a greenhouse inside the flat, running errands to collect the variety of plants he had managed to procure, and regularly checking to see if Sirius was still locked away._

_By supper the room was finished, and Remus, weary but elated, called Sirius to come to the kitchen._

"_Are you finally going to tell me why I've been locked up all day on a weekend?" Sirius asked, pouting at Remus. I hardly got to see you all day!"_

"_I've got a surprise for you," Remus grinned at him. "Come here," he beckoned Sirius into the kitchen and led him to the door of the new greenhouse._

"_It's a broom closet," Sirius rolled his eyes. "Are we going to role play fucking in the broom cupboards at school?"_

"_No," Remus replied mysteriously, "but I'm sure we can arrange that for another time."_

"_Fine, then what's going on?" Sirius asked again._

"_Close your eyes," Remus told him, and covered Sirius' eyes with his own hand, as he didn't trust Sirius to keep his eyes shut._

"_Moony!" Sirius whined, just tell me already. _

_Remus opened the door and pushed Sirius forward, following behind to keep his hand over Sirius' eyes. Once they were fairly far inside, Remus removed his hand and announced he could open his eyes._

_The first look on Sirius' face was shock, followed by awe, and then surprise. "What is this?" he asked after looking around for a long minute._

"_It's your very own greenhouse," Remus whispered, wrapping his arms around Sirius from behind. "All for you."_

_Sirius turned in his arms and wrapped himself around his lover, a few tears falling onto the damp skin of Remus' neck and promptly kissed away by Sirius' hungry and excited mouth. "I love it… I love you… love… love… love…" he repeated over and over, kissing every available millimeter of skin._

_***_

_The joy of Sirius' greenhouse only lasted one week._

_It had been a rough day at the bookstore. A shipment hadn't come in, Remus had sent Misty home mid-morning because she was showing signs of magical pneumonia, and the customers that had stalked him for the past ten years came in asking about his dog._

_He had promptly told the dark-haired man that it was none of his business and with his most professional demeanor asked them to leave. They resisted until he threatened to call the authorities, at which time the dark-haired bloke said he'd be seeing Remus soon, and walked out of the store with his partner trailing behind him. After their first meeting, the bloke always made Remus uncomfortable, which was a great feat for a Muggle, since Remus regularly dealt with Death Eaters, werewolves, and all sorts of unsavory magic folk, such as Mundungus Fletcher._

_So, after an exhaustingly bad day, all Remus wanted to do was curl up with his lover and relax. As soon as he opened the door to the flat, however, he knew it would not happen that night._

_Things were scattered about the front room. Books had been pulled off the shelves and lay haphazardly on tables and the sofa, a chair was knocked over, and a trail of dirt led from the hallway to the kitchen. The flat was unnervingly silent, and Sirius was no where to be found._

_Following the dirt trail into the kitchen, Remus saw it continued under the door into the greenhouse, and even more dirt was caked to the knob. He took the doorknob gingerly between his index finger and thumb and twisted it carefully to pull the door open._

_Warm, humid air poured over him, and he squinted until his eyes adjusted to the murky green light. Inside the greenhouse, rows of plants sat in pristine lines, their leaves and flowers standing proudly. Remus saw the venomous tentacula munching on something that was, thankfully, far too small to be Sirius, so he stepped into the room to continue his search. He checked row after row of plants, until he reached the end of the magical section and the lines of Muggle plants began. First came the desert and steppe plants, and the air around him grew substantially warmer and drier. Sirius had explained to him that while these plants weren't difficult to grow, they were particularly temperamental when it came to humidity in the air. Further on, Remus stepped back into the humid air of a typical greenhouse, and Remus found himself amongst the Muggle flowers._

_There, kneeling on the ground with a wilting geranium clutched in his hand, was Sirius. He was half-turned away from Remus, so he didn't see Remus approach, which gave Remus a moment to observe his partner._

_When Sirius worked with plants, his hands were sure and steady. He knew exactly what to cut, how hard to pull, and which way to lean so he didn't get sprayed with any unsavory liquids. The venomous tentacula by the door actually __**purred**__ when Sirius pruned it. Plants just seemed to like him, and he had always managed to salvage whatever Remus, James, or Peter had done to their own plants back in school._

_Remus watched Sirius carefully, and a frown grew on his face the longer he observed his lover. Sirius' hands were not strong and confident, they way they had been since Remus had shown him the greenhouse; instead, they shook almost uncontrollably, and Remus could see Sirius' shoulders heave every so often. No sound came from the kneeling man._

_He walked slowly towards Sirius, doing everything he could to announce his presence without saying Sirius' name and startling him, but Sirius was too far lost to notice._

"_Pads?" Remus asked, kneeling behind him and placing a hand on his shoulder. "What is it?"_

_Sirius' shoulders rose and dropped again and Remus was close enough to feel his frantic heartbeat. He sucked in a deep gulp of air and choked on it, then went back to short, shallow breathes._

"_Sirius," Remus said softly and moved closer, wrapping his arms around his partner. "Talk to me."_

"_It's dead, Moony," Sirius whispered in the murky darkness, shaking the flower in his hand. "It's dead. Why does everything I touch always die?"_

"_Sirius," he said again, hugging the man tightly against his chest. "Not everything dies."_

"_It does!" Sirius' depression was turning quickly into angry hysterics. "First Regulus, then James and Lily, then us, and now the geranium! Next it'll be Harry, and then you, and I'll be left with nothing." His anger dissipated as soon as it had come, and he struggled to breath, gasping for a deep breath, and only succeeding with shallow breathing. _

_Remus breathed slowly, muttering soothing words in Sirius' ear until his breathing began to steady and he could take a deep breath without choking. "Flowers die," Remus whispered softly. "Every year, they grow, they bloom, and then they die. Then they come back the next year."_

"_But this one shouldn't have died yet," Sirius explained slowly, his voice sad and exhausted. "The geranium had at least another six weeks before it should have stopped blooming for the season."_

"_Maybe I just got a bad plant," Remus tried to lighten the mood. "You know I'm totally balls with choosing plants. I'm lucky the tentacula didn't eat me when I brought it here!"_

"_Maybe," Sirius agreed reluctantly. "Or maybe it means something is going to happen."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Geraniums are symbolic of a true friend. It could mean either you or Harry is going to die unexpectedly early…" Sirius trailed off after putting his worries out in the open, obviously waiting for Remus to say something._

"_Divination by flowers?" Remus smiled and kissed the back of Sirius' neck. "Trelawny would love you, because it means everyone would die within the year."_

_Sirius sat very still in Remus' arms and Remus knew he was trying to convince himself he was being silly. Sirius was not easily convinced he was wrong, but usually it only took Remus' sensible comments and a few minutes of silence._

_Finally Sirius reached for the table next to him and stood, pulling out of Remus' embrace to crack his back. "You're right," he said simply, smiling down at where Remus was still kneeling. "I was just being stupid."_

"_You know the geranium is also symbolic of stupidity and folly," Remus said with an amused smile. "Maybe it means you've finally grown up."_

"_Shut it, you," Sirius shook his head and tried to look angry, but only succeeded in looking like a petulant child._

"_Plus," Remus continued, moving forward on his knees until he was directly in front of Sirius. "If I was dead, could I do this?" His lifted one eyebrow suggestively and leaned forward until his cheek rubbed against the tell-tale bulge that was growing in Sirius' pants._

_Sirius let out a strangled moan in response to the light rubbing, and Remus reached for his zipper, tugging his jeans and shorts down to his knees, exposing the swollen red cock to the hot, sticky air in the greenhouse. It twitched appreciatively when Remus buried his nose in the dark curls at the base and licked Sirius' heavy balls._

_Remus laughed coyly, looking up at Sirius with dark, lust-filled eyes. "Do you want me to suck you off?" he asked, voice low and husky._

_Sirius nodded quickly, not breaking eye contact. "Yes," he groaned. "God yes."_

_He licked the very tip of Sirius' weeping cock, collecting the precum that had gathered there, and asked again, "Do you want my lips around your cock, sucking you while you fuck my mouth until I choke on it?"_

_Sirius whimpered softly when Remus' long fingers began teasing his sac and rubbing against the sensitive skin behind it. He spread his legs wider to give Remus' better access, and he fought the urge to close his eyes and beg for it. "Yesssss," he hissed when Remus' probing fingers found his hole and circled it._

_Remus removed his hand suddenly and sat back on his heels. Mischief shone in his eyes as he asked yet another question, "What do you want me to do, hmm?"_

"_Merlin, Moony," Sirius gasped, reaching for Remus. "Just fucking suck my cock!"_

_Remus leaned forward just enough so he could circle the head with his tongue then pulled away again. "Like that?"_

"_Noooo," Sirius moaned and dug his fingers into Remus' hair, drawing him forward until Sirius' erection bumped against his cheek and Sirius groaned again. "Please, Moony!"_

_Remus' tongue came out again and lay flat against the underside of Sirius' cock, and he licked upward in a single steady stroke, tracing the sensitive vein with his tongue. "Better?" he asked coquettishly after reaching the tip. Before giving Sirius the chance to respond, Remus swallowed the tip, applying heavy suction as he gradually took more and more of Sirius' length into his mouth._

"_Yes!" Sirius cried out, tightening his grip on Remus' hair, "Just like that!"_

_His head bobbed up and down Sirius' cock, sucking and licking, while his hand wandered back to Sirius' arsehole and began fingering him slowly since they didn't have lube readily available. Sirius' willing hole took two of Remus' fingers easily and he fucked him gently while Sirius groaned and tried to impale himself further on the long fingers._

_Remus pulled his mouth away and looked up at Sirius. "Gentle, love," he said in the voice he only ever used when making love, "You're going to hurt yourself."_

"_Harder," Sirius whimpered. "Need you."_

"_Not now," Remus replied. "Later I'll bend you over the worktable and fuck you 'til you scream, but this is about you right now."_

_Once again, Remus swallowed Sirius' cock before giving him the chance to respond, taking him even deeper this time until the tip of his cock was brushing the back of his throat on every thrust. He relaxed his jaw and moved faster up and down Sirius' length, urging his lover to fuck his mouth._

_Sirius didn't need much urging once Remus' fingers were back in his arse, and he gripped Remus' hair tightly as he thrust quickly and eagerly into the warm heat, his thrusts matching time with Remus' fingers pumping in and out of his arse. Almost too quickly his thrusts were erratic and he was falling over the edge, crying out his lover's name as he pumped hot cum down Remus' throat._

_Remus sucked until Sirius slumped against the table. Sirius' softened cock fell out of his mouth with a pop and he licked his lips to catch any last trace of fluid that might have escaped. He slid his fingers out of Sirius and stood to embrace his lover, pulling the content man into a warm hug, "You good now?" Remus whispered in his ear, his voice rough from the recent assault on his throat._

"_Better than good," Sirius whispered back, placing an open mouthed kiss on Remus' neck. "Is that how you're going to comfort me when every flower dies?"_

"_If I need to, yes," Remus replied honestly. "Though I have to say I'd enjoy that."_

"_You would enjoy my pain," Sirius tried to sound upset, but failed miserably. Without leaving Remus' arms he reached for his pants and hauled them up to his waist. "How about we leave the fucking over the worktable until later, and you can tell me about your day while we get dinner?"_

"_Sirius Black, always thinking about his stomach," Remus teased. "I'd like that."_

_They moved out of their embrace, but kept their fingers entwined as Sirius led the way out of the greenhouse. Just before the door, Sirius stopped to drop the wilted geranium into the mouth of the venomous tentacula, which caught the gift and chomped away happily._

"_What is it, a trashcan?" Remus asked with a grin._

"_Basically, yes," Sirius grinned back._

_Sirius' bright smile was enough to wipe away all of the troubles of the day, doing a far better job than cuddling and watching the telly would have, Remus reflected as they set about making dinner._


	29. Chapter 29

***

"_C'mon, Moony! C'mon!" Sirius urged, calling his friend from the driver's seat of Old Man Anderson's shiny red convertible._

"_Do you have any idea how much trouble I got in __**last**__ summer for letting you steal this car?" he asked skeptically, glaring at Sirius and ignoring his pouting puppy eyes. "I was grounded for three weeks!"_

"_Well it's a good think you're moving out this weekend, then, isn't it?" Sirius' grin stretched from ear to ear. "C'mon, we still gotta get James and Peter before we can go to the surprise!"_

"_Oh, alright," Remus rolled his eyes and climbed into the passenger seat. It wasn't like he was really going to say no to Sirius to begin with._

"_Yeah!" Sirius grinned and squeezed his shoulder as they pulled out of the driveway and sped away. "You're the best, Moony!"_

"_No, I'm just a pushover," Remus mumbled, his words lost in the roar of the wind. _

_Sirius drove down the highway towards the Muggle village where Peter lived, speeding quite a bit. _

"_You might want to slow down," Remus announced, spying a police car up ahead. "You're liable to get a ticket and then go to Muggle prison for stealing a car. And I'll get dragged with you as an accomplice, and you know I wouldn't do well in Muggle prison. I'd kill my cellmate at the first full moon!"_

"_Calm down, Moony," Sirius rolled his eyes. "Watch!" With that, he sped passed the policeman, going at least twice the speed limit, and Remus winced, waiting for the flashing red lights and siren to appear behind them. _

_After two tense minutes, Remus turned to Sirius, bewildered. "What did you do?" he demanded._

"_Distraction charm on the car," Sirius grinned smugly._

"_You would," Remus rolled his eyes and smacked Sirius in the side of the head._

"_Oi! I'm driving here!" Sirius shot back, purposely swerving the car to throw Remus off balance._

"_You're going to get us killed," Remus moaned after his shoulder bumped the door. "And I'll never get in trouble for letting you steal cars. That actually might be a good trade off!"_

"_Shut it, Moony," Sirius replied. "This is a surprise for you, and you're being mean to me!"_

"_Oh, fine," Remus grinned. "Where are we going?"_

"_You'll find out soon enough," Sirius replied as he flipped on a blinker and turned off the highway._

_Five minutes later they pulled up in front of Peter's house, and he came running out, excitedly. "Hey guys! That's a wicked car!"_

"_Hey Pete!" Sirius called. "Where's James?"_

"_He's coming," Peter rolled his eyes. "He had to make himself 'presentable' for Evans."_

"_This could be a while," Sirius looked at Remus and grinned. "Ten galleons says he's trying to fix his hair."_

"_Ten galleons says he'll take more than ten minutes," Remus replied._

"_You're on!" Sirius answered, shaking Remus' hand._

_Ten minutes and twenty-seven seconds later, James came out of the house looking at the ground dejectedly. "I'm not going!" he announced, digging his toe into the dirt._

"_Why not?" Sirius decided to play his game. "You're hair doesn't look any worse than usual."_

"_S'not my hair," James mumbled and looked up. The other three Marauders burst into laughter at seeing his face. He had the largest zit any of them had ever seen right between his eyes._

"_Guess you owe me twenty galleons," Remus smacked Sirius on the shoulder and laughed. "Get in James, I'll deal with that on the way."_

"_What?" James was confused. "I'm __**not**__ going to see Lily with this __**thing**__ on my face!"_

"_You mean you're third eye?" Sirius' laughter got louder when he started the car._

"_James, if you've forgotten, we are wizards. And I'm very good at glamour spells," Remus explained, beckoning him to get in the back seat._

"_What… oh!" the usual grin was back on James' face. "Brilliant, Moony!" He climbed in the backseat next to Peter, and they were off._

_Remus turned around in his seat and pointed his wand directly at the offending pimple, muttered a couple of words, and in seconds the skin was clear and smooth once again. _

_James ran his fingers over it to check if it was really gone, and his grin got bigger. "Thanks, mate!"_

"_Couldn't have you looking ugly for Lily," Remus shrugged. "She might dump you and go chasing after me again!"_

_Laughter filled the car as Sirius drove the few miles to Lily's house to pick up their last passenger before heading towards their destination._

"_Peter, sit in the front," James urged when they pulled up in front of the house. "There's not enough space for three of us back here."_

_The other three Marauders rolled their eyes, but did as requested. Remus slid closer to Sirius to make space for Peter, the drive shaft resting between his long legs, and Remus tried to ignore the feeling of Sirius' arm resting on his thigh._

_Lily was in the car a moment later, and the boys greeted her with a chorus of "Hey, Lily!" and "Hey, Evans." Remus' voice was a few embarrassing notches higher than usual, but no one else seemed to notice his discomfort._

"_Where are we going?" Lily asked as they drove away, while Sirius' arm rubbed enticingly against Remus' inner thigh._

"_Your guess is as good as mine," Remus answered, trying to keep his voice even and his erection down. He imagined McGonagall and Dumbledore naked, which helped, until Sirius shifted into second gear and nudged Remus' crotch with his elbow, causing his body to take definite interest in the proceedings._

"_C'mon, Jaime," Lily cooed in the backseat. "Tell me where we're going?"_

"_Um, well," James stammered as Lily advanced on him, one hand exploring his chest and sliding lower._

"_Oi! Not in the car!" Sirius roared. "I've got to give it back in the same condition I took it, and I'm not going to clean up your mess!"_

"_You wouldn't be saying that if you were the one back here with a girl," Lily replied with a grin. _

"_No I wouldn't," Sirius replied quietly to himself, though Remus heard him anyway._

_Remus looked at his friend with a perplexed expression on his face. Sirius hadn't actually been with a girl since the Easter holidays, he knew for fact, and it seemed as if Sirius was over his wild days of having sex with everything that had breasts. Sirius' arm moved against the inside of his thigh again, and Remus' train of thought was promptly derailed as he bit his lip to contain a whimper._

"_We'll be there in less than five minutes, so just keep your pants on!" Sirius replied so everyone could here him._

_With his bottom lip clenched tightly between his teeth, Remus counted down the seconds, trying to think of anything but Sirius wanking him under the pretense of shifting gears._

_A moment later Peter asked, "You okay, Remus?"_

"_Fine!" he managed to squeak, drawing the attention of everyone in the car._

"_Really? Remus, you don't sound so good…" Lily asked from the backseat, leaning forward to feel the back of Remus' neck to test for a fever. "You're burning up!"_

"_I'm fine," Remus ground his teeth together as Sirius' arm moved within centimeters of his hard on, and Remus shot Sirius a dangerous glance._

_Sirius was smirking while he kept his eyes on the road, but it was obvious he knew what he was doing to Remus._

_**Tosser!**__ Remus screamed in his mind. __**Wanker! Bloody git!**_

"_I'm fine," Remus replied with more force. Two could play this game._

"_Sure, Moony?" Sirius spoke finally as they turned off the highway. "You sound a little tense."_

"_You know I just don't like surprises," Remus' voice was even and relaxed._

"_Well, we're here, so it's not a surprise anymore," Sirius announced, pulling into a brightly lit parking lot. In front of them was a sea of bright lights and hundreds of people wandering around. Large, mechanical objects were scattered around the area, and people stood in lines for food and different game booths._

"_The carnival!" Lily exclaimed excitedly from the back seat. "I love carnivals!"_

_Everyone climbed out of the car, giving Remus the perfect opportunity to run his hand over Sirius' arse, and causing him to jump in surprise. Sirius wisely didn't say anything, and though Remus knew he was playing with fire, he wanted revenge._

_Remus' t-shirt was a size to large for his thin frame, but it fell so that it covered his obvious bulge, hiding it from plain view. Sirius glanced down when they were both standing and couldn't hide his disappointment as he led the way to the front gate._

"_We should go on the Big Wheel, first!" Lily announced. "The line is only going to get longer later, and we'll have prizes and things to carry with us."_

"_Alright," the boys agreed, looking up at the looming circle of metal. _

"_How does it work?" James asked in awe._

"_You sit in it, and it goes in a circle," Sirius rolled his eyes at his friend's lack of knowledge of Muggle contraptions. "Honestly, Prongs, you should have taken Muggle studies!"_

"_And then it stops at the top and you get to see the whole fair!" Lily said excitedly. "Let's go," she took James' hand and dragged him in the direction of the line._

_Sirius and Remus obediently followed along behind them, knowing it was better to just give in to Lily now than it would be to argue._

"_I'll wait for you at the exit," Peter announced and darted off. "You won't catch me dead on that old hunk of junk!"_

_As Lily said, the line was very short and they were on in a matter of minutes, though the line had grown substantially longer in that short period of time. Lily and James got into the first cab, leaving Sirius and Remus standing there awkwardly._

"_Two people to a car! No more, no less!" the ride operator shouted. "If you don't have a pretty girl to ride with, you're riding with a bloke!"_

_Remus flushed dark red as they climbed in the next available cab and squished together. Their bodies touched from shoulder to ankle, and Remus finally gave up the struggle to control his body's reactions to the close proximity of Sirius' warm body and intoxicating scent. His erection was achingly hard, but there was nothing he could do about it with Sirius right next to him. Instead, he decided to mess with Sirius to get back at him from the car incident._

"_Look," Remus whispered in his ear, turning his body so his chest was pressed to Sirius' side and his arm was around his shoulders, pointing to just outside the carnival lot. "There's the ocean. You can smell the salt."_

"_Mmmhmmm" Sirius replied, his eyes glazed over._

_Remus smirked, intrigued by how easy it was to get Sirius worked up. Moving his mouth closer to Sirius' ear, under the pretense of being heard over the roar of the carnival, he started to talk about the invention of the Big Wheel. "Did you know," his lips brushed teasingly against Sirius' ear, "that every carnival since 1894 has had a Big Wheel? They say it's the best ride. It's supposed to be a rush of adrenaline, and you're so high up where no one can see you…" Remus trailed off and backed up a few inches to whisper __**'Desino'**__ then shifted closer again so his other hand was just above Sirius' crotch, resting on the lap bar. _

_The ride stopped, leaving them just below the apex of the wheel, but in a position no one could see into their cab even if they tried._

"_They say," Remus continued speaking in a low voice right against Sirius' ear, "that it's the best place to shag."_

_Sirius' half-hard cock twitched, and Sirius shifted uncomfortably, accidentally rubbing his crotch against Remus' hand and his cock hardened fully in response. He moaned quietly, looking everywhere but at Remus, who had returned to his ear._

"_It's supposed to be a rush," he whispered, dropping his voice lower still, so Sirius had to strain to hear him. "The chance of getting caught, of the cab getting to the bottom before you've finished," the ride began moving again as he spoke, "and knowing that everyone is down there and can't see what is going on up here..." he trailed off, breathing softly against the flushed skin of Sirius' neck._

_They stayed in that position for the remainder of the ride, neither speaking as they breathed heavily and tried to control their bodies. When their cab finally neared the bottom, Remus shifted away from Sirius so they were sitting shoulder to shoulder again, and waited to get off the ride._

"_Sorry about that, folks," the ride operator said as he unlatched the lap belt. "Don't know why the ride stopped."_

"_No worries," Remus replied with a grin. "We had a great view."_

_Remus' shirt once again covered the tell-tale bulge in his trousers, but Sirius' tight jeans and shirt were not so forgiving. The operator gave the flushed Sirius a strange look, but wisely didn't comment about his obvious hard on, as he ushered the next pair into the newly-vacated cab. _

_Just before the exit, Sirius slid up behind Remus and pushed his erection against Remus' arse, whispering hotly in his ear, "Meet me at the guard tower on the beach in five minutes. Or else." With that, Sirius was gone._

"_Where's Sirius?" Lily asked when Remus finally reached the exit and found his friends waiting for him._

"_Oh, he spotted some bird and took off. Told me he'd meet us at the car when the carnival closed," Remus lied._

"_I guess that backseat is going to see some action, then," Lily muttered. "What should we do next? Midway games?"_

"_I'll catch up with you," Remus tried to excuse himself. "I've got to find a loo."_

"_Alright, bye, Moony!" the other three replied as Remus ran off._

_He went directly to the exit and made his way down to the beach, both excited and terrified for what would be waiting for him there._


	30. Chapter 30

***

"_Sirius!" Remus shouted down the hallway. "We're late!"_

_Sirius stumbled out of the bathroom a moment later, laughing, half-dressed, and with wet hair sticking to his face. "I'm not the one who insisted on another go-'round," Sirius reminded him with a wide grin. "Nor was it __**my**__ idea to use maple syrup!"_

_As expected, Remus blushed furiously at his words, but he also reached for his wand and waved a drying spell at Sirius' head. In an instant, Sirius' hair was dry and falling in soft curls around his face, while he finished buttoning his brown flannel shirt and tying his shoes._

_They were nearly out the door, when Sirius suddenly pushed Remus up against the doorframe and kissed him hungrily. Teeth nipped and tongues battled for dominance as they devoured each other, until Remus broke away, panting for breath, and moaning when Sirius moved his assault to Remus' smooth neck._

"_We don't…" Remus gasped, thrusting his hips against Sirius' leg that had worked its way between his own. "Don't have time for this!" he howled when Sirius' bit down on his collarbone, and his thrusts became quicker and more erratic._

"_Everything alright, boys?" Mrs. McKenna called knowingly from a few doors down, where she had stuck her head out to check on the ruckus in the hall._

"_Just fine, Mrs. McKenna!" Sirius shouted back at her, stopping his assault on Remus' skin. In those few seconds, Sirius had somehow gotten his hand down Remus' pants and was stroking him quickly, drawing Remus to the edge of climax._

"_Cum for me," Sirius growled in his ear. "Cum for me, where anyone in this building could see you if they walked by."_

_Even if Sirius' unusual display of dominance and exhibitionism hadn't already had Remus teetering on the edge of intense pleasure, his words would have still been more than enough to send Remus falling over the edge with a loud cry._

_No doubt having drawn the attention of a few more neighbors, Remus buried his face in Sirius' shoulder while shudders racked his body, and Sirius' hand continued to stroke him until he was spent._

"_We're really going to be late, now," Remus whispered. "And I'm going to tell Lily it's your fault."_

_Sirius just grinned, removed his hand, and then muttered a cleaning spell to remove any evidence of what they had just done in a fairly public place. "First, after two years of these breakfasts, they're used to us being late. And second, what makes you think I'm scared of Lily?"_

"_Maybe the way you hide behind me when she glares at you?" Remus teased, finally able to support his own weight again. "Now let's go before we get distracted again."_

"_You're always a distraction," Sirius replied in a low, thick voice._

"_Going, now," Remus replied and began walking away._

_Once out of the building they made good time walking the five blocks to the American-style diner they had breakfast at every Saturday morning. It was a popular Muggle restaurant, but the staff loved them, so their table was always reserved on Saturdays._

_A bell rang when they entered, and they waved at the waitresses on their way to the booth in the back corner, where James and Lily were already eating._

"_S'about time," James rolled his eyes when the two appeared and slid into the empty seat across the table._

"_Sirius got, erm, a bit… distracted this morning," Remus replied with a slight blush. "Where's Peter?"_

"_Dunno," James shook his head in response, ignoring the first part of Remus' sentence. "Told me last night he had something he had to do this morning."_

"_He's been missing a lot of these, hasn't he?" Sirius asked, and the other three nodded in response._

_Since graduating from Hogwarts, getting jobs, the war starting, and Order of the Phoenix business, Saturday morning breakfast was the only time the Marauders were guaranteed time to be together, away from everything that was going on in the world around them. For two years they had met up at the diner, but they all knew their time was quickly coming to an end. The swell of Lily's stomach and the odd combination of eggs with horseradish sauce and peach pie on her plate reminded them all that in just a few months there would be a baby in their midst, and things would undoubtedly change. The war was getting more intense, with more deaths, and longer, more frequent missions that took them away from their friends and significant others._

"_Maybe he just feels out of place," Lily suggested, gesturing at the space between the two couples._

"_Maybe," Remus agreed._

_The waitress appeared at that moment, and the conversation dropped._

"_Tea for Remus and coffee for Sirius," she placed their cups on the table. "Bacon omelet for you, Remus?"_

_Remus nodded and smiled at her. "That would be great, thanks, Margie."_

"_Anything for my favorite customers," her white teeth gleamed behind her bright red lipstick. "Waffles for you today, Sirius?"_

"_Oh, no," Sirius shook his head with a grin. "I already had some of Remus' waffles this morning."_

_Margie's laughter drowned out James' groan of, "Too much information!"_

"_Then what can I get'cha?" she asked, her green eyes glittering with amusement._

"_How 'bout that ham n' egg thing?" Sirius suggested. "What's it called again?"_

"_Ham and egg sandwich, coming right up," Margie replied, laughing as she walked away from the table._

"_Can you guys keep your sex life to yourselves, please?" James asked, his face buried in his hands, and his ears burning red._

"_Geez, Prongs, get your mind out of the gutter!" Sirius exclaimed. "I was hungry this morning, so Remus made me a waffle."_

"_Really?" James looked up, his ears still red, but the flush was gone from his face._

"_Yes!" Sirius rolled his eyes. "He put maple syrup on me and everything!"_

_James' eyes widened comically and he looked at Remus, immediately spotting the bite mark he hadn't noticed when they waked in, and within seconds his face was nearly the same shade of red as Lily's hair. _

"_Cannibals! Both of you!" he muttered and buried his face in his arms again, much to the amusement of his wife and friends, who all laughed gleefully at his discomfort. _


	31. Chapter 31

***

Harry's feet dragged heavily as he made his way to the edge of the water. Sand filled his shoes until he could barely lift them to take a step and he shuffled along, the burden in his arms forcing his shoulders to slump forward in defeat, as if carrying the weight of the world.

It was the weight of his world, at least. The last parent, the last guardian he had. The last of his parents' friends, the last of the Marauders, the last of an era.

At the water's edge, he knelt and gently laid the body of a wolf in the shallows, watching as the waves lapped against it, drawing it slowly away from Harry's outstretched hands.

From the corner of his eye he could see a lifeguard tower and beyond that the skeletal remains of what had once been a carnival. Though he had never been to this beach, he knew he was in the right place. Sirius' diaries had told him the importance of this place to both his godfather and Remus Lupin, and he knew it was the place they both would have wanted to be put to rest.

Harry moved forward until he was kneeling in the water and he reached out to stroke the wet, matted fur on Moony's neck. His fingers snagged in metal and he pulled gently until he found a chain with an hourglass around it. Sand still streamed through the hourglass, and Harry smiled sadly at it. The last time he had seen the hourglass, it had stopped altogether, right after Sirius' death. That was when Remus had shrunk it down and put it on a chain. He never took it off after that.

Another wave of cold, gray ocean swept against Harry and ripped the chain from his hand. The wolf's body drifted further away and Harry watched it until he could hardly tell it from the gray clumps of seaweed floating in the water.

Barking from the shore drew his attention back to the beach, where two dogs were running side by side down the sand, one black, the other a deep gray. When Harry turned back to the water, the wolf was no longer to be seen in light of the setting sun.

***

"_Remus Lupin," a deep, but vaguely familiar voice drawled. "Fancy seeing you here."_

_Remus looked up at the sound of the voice, noticing the two Death Eaters for the first time since they'd returned._

"_Who are you," he asked carefully, his wand still on the ground where he'd dropped it when he had sunk to his knees._

"_Remus, love," the voice was patronizing. "It hurts to know that you would forget your first."_

"_My first what?" Remus had a sickening feeling he knew exactly who was behind the mask, but twenty plus years had dulled his memories of the boy and what had happened in the 7__th__ floor corridor at Hogwarts._

"_You know, your __**first**__."_

_There was no mistaking it this time and Remus suppressed a shudder as the voice rolled over him where he was still kneeling on the ground. "Winston Rosencranz," he spat. "I never expected you'd be stupid enough to follow Voldemort, but given your sadistic tendencies, it makes entirely too much sense."_

"_Don't say His name!" the second Death Eater shouted. "His name shall not be sullied by a filthy half-breed."_

_The second voice was also strangely familiar, though Remus did not have to search his memories too exhaustively to find the face. "Again, someone I did not expect to be a Death Eater," Remus replied evenly. "Though I didn't expect you to be a wizard, either."_

"_You should have listened to me all those years ago," the man replied, his mouth twisting into a malicious smirk. "Instead of letting that old bat fight your battles for you. I took great pleasure in torturing her."_

"_For hating Muggles, you sure took great care to blend in and appear like one," Remus answered spitefully. Tears welled up in his eyes at the memory of finding Misty in St. Mungo's just a few months early, her already-fragile body twisted beyond repair. "So much so that until this moment, I honestly believed you to be one. Unless you're a Squib, that is, because then it's not so difficult to do."_

_Remus was riling them up, and he knew it, but he did not care that they outnumbered him and currently had the advantage because they were standing with wands drawn and he was kneeling with his wand nearly a foot away. The two of them had caused him much pain and anguish in his life, and he wasn't about to give them the satisfaction of making him a victim any longer._

"_Why you--" the second man started to advance, but was cut off by Winston Rosencranz's hand on his chest._

"_No, Phillip," he told the shorter man. "It would not do well to harm him just yet. I still would like the chance to play with him a little, first."_

"_I suppose," the black-haired boy from the bookshop, apparently named Phillip, replied. He circled Remus predatorily. _

"_I am not a toy," Remus snapped, keeping his sharp eyes on Phillip's movements._

"_Oh, but I assure you, you are," Winston informed him. "I can't wait to have you bent over so I can fuck your tight, sweet arse again. I've deprived myself too long of the things I want."_

"_No," Remus growled again, and he looked up at the sky, where the cloud of smoke and ash from the fiendfyre was just beginning to dissipate. "I will kill you before you touch me again."_

"_Remus Lupin, still so naïve," Winston whispered darkly. "No one was there to help you the last time, and there is no one here to save you this time." Both men began advancing on Remus from either side, drawing nearer and making it even less likely Remus would get to his wand before they attacked him, but just before they reached him, the smoke finally cleared enough to reveal the full moon through the haze._

_Remus' muscles twitched and stretched beneath the skin. Effortlessly, and before either of the Death Eaters could react, he had risen to his full height and howled while his bones and joints slipped and shifted, transfiguring into the terrifying form of a werewolf._

_Neither Winston nor Phillip had reacted in the time it took to transform, and instead they had stood there, dumbfounded by what was going on in front of them. They had expected he would have been taking his Wolfsbane potion, was the last fleeting thought in Remus' mind before Moony took over, too bad for them he had missed his dose that night._

_Fueled by Moony's lust for blood and human-flesh, and enhanced by Remus' hatred of these two men and his desire for vengeance, Moony pounced, going straight for Phillip's jugular. Phillip screamed and cried out into the night, until Moony's razor-sharp claws tore his vocal cords open and he was left wide-mouthed and silent, screaming for Winston to help him._

_Moony could feel spells bouncing off his back, but pure adrenaline and rage allowed him to disregard them until his prey lay still in the dirt. Almost immediately, Moony turned on Winston and approached him slowly, teasingly. _

_Winston threw jet after jet of green light, of curses and Avada Kadavra, and yet his eyes were wide with shock and he stumbled backwards, trying to get away from the wolf._

_Moony could feel his strength waning bit by bit as he let the curses hit it repeatedly in the chest, and yet he advanced, hell bent on taking the life of the one he was stalking around the town square._

_Winston unknowingly backed himself into the corner of the square, trapped by two stone walls and left with no escape route except to go through the werewolf, and in a blind panic he threw a particularly powerful Avada Kadavra spell hurtling at Moony's chest._

_Moony took the hit and kept advancing until he was inches from his hunted, allowing his rage to completely overtake him, and he attacked. His teeth and claws ripped, bit, and tore at Winston's flesh, tearing him nearly limb for limb, until the man no longer resembled a man at all. All that remained were bits of flesh and bone scattered in a nearly ten-foot radius. _

_Moony ignored the remains as he slunk back to the center of the square, where a monument had once stood. As his adrenaline levels dropped, the wolf, suddenly exhausted and weary from his hunt, settled on the pile of ash and lay still._

_They say that just before death, your whole life flashes before your eyes. Remus would argue they were merely scattered echoes from the past, memories of the most important and most tragic times of ones' life, the moments that made a person who they truly were meant to be, for better or for worse._


End file.
