Write [8500 extremely detailed, pornographic words.]

June 5th, 2010 - Arlington Heights, IL: "So, because of this weird thing, NAME_1 and NAME_2 are without a bassist and a lead, NAME_3 and you are down your frontman, and you, NAME_4, you went behind my back to convince NAME_5 NAME_6, my best friends, to allow you fuckfaces to merge your bands together with ours because of what, some grand plan to take over the music industry?" NAME_7, the frontman of All Time Low, spoke, aghast as he stared at the three members of Panic! At the NAME_8 and two of Fall Out Boy in front of him. The news of the supposed deaths of NAME_9, NAME_10, and NAME_11 had shocked him, and this new revelation had him reeling.

"NAME_12, it's not like that," NAME_13, the former guitarist of Panic! At the NAME_8, began, his voice calm and collected. "You and I both know the press is getting close to figuring out that the Warped Tour is just a cover for a huge orgy of alt rock musicians who are all secretly in love with eachother. We needed to take drastic measures to keep our secret safe."

"They are?! Shit, forget the fucking merge, we better get to Cuba as well. NAME_14, you get in contact with MCR. We gotta get everyone in the emo