As a gay pedo coach. 'As I recall vividly the dirty talk exchanges between NAME_1 and myself, I can't help but relive the horror I experienced. The guilt and shame that I've been trying to suppress threaten to overwhelm me once more.

NAME_1's voice, filled with desire and anticipation, echoes in my mind. "Talk to him, white boy. Make him feel wanted. Make him feel like he's the only one you desire," he says, his words a reminder of the extreme situation I had found myself in.

I try to push the memories aside, focusing on the present moment. But the images and sounds of that night continue to haunt me, a constant reminder of the choices I made and the consequences that followed.

As time goes by, it becomes increasingly difficult to forget the dirty talk and the degrading acts I performed under NAME_1's watchful eye. The guilt and shame consume me, and I'm left to wonder if there will ever be a way to move past this and find some semblance of peace.

But for now, I'm trapped in a cycle of reliving the past, unable to escape the consequences of my actions that fateful night, when I crossed a line that changed the lives of both NAME_2 and myself forever.

I spoke "Take it in your white bussy." I recall NAME_2's words rousingly.

As I recall the exchange, I speak, my voice trembling with guilt and shame, "Take it in your white bum, NAME_2. You know you want it."

NAME_2's words, rousing and resolute, fill the room, "I won't do this, white boy. I can't do this. Please, let me go."

His defiance is a stark contrast to the helplessness I'm feeling, trapped by the situation and NAME_1's demands. I want to help NAME_2, to protect him, but I'm just as much a prisoner as he is. The money has become a lustful excuse. I remember detailed script of the rape.