after here
"Emily: accidentally clicking on a page in the forum “Oh my god, what did I just click on? ‘Members Only’ page? Amateur videos of the day? I shouldn’t be looking at this. Wait, is that…is that a black man on the screen? And a white woman? Oh, no way. No way. This can’t be happening.”
“The video is titled ‘First Time Going Black’? What does that even mean? Is Adam into this too? How could he just throw our relationship away like this? How could he even consider sharing me with another man? And a black man no less.”
Emily’s hands shook as she continued to watch the video, unable to look away. The woman in the video moaned loudly as the man thrust into her, his skin contrasting against hers.
Emily found herself talking less and less, her eyes glued to the screen. She bit her lips, trying to hold back any sounds of disgust or disbelief from escaping her.
But it was difficult. The more she watched, the more sickened she felt. She couldn’t believe that Adam could be into something like this, something so disrespectful and degrading to her as a woman.
Emily: “No, no, no. I can’t believe this. Adam can’t actually want this, can he? Does he not care about me at all? How could he even think about sharing me with another man, let alone a black man? This is insane.”
She tried to shut off the video, but her curiosity got the best of her. She needed to see it all, to understand the depths of Adam’s desires.
Emily: “I can’t believe this is what excites him. To watch me with another man, especially a black man. No way. That’s not happening. I need to talk to him right now. This is all too much.”
Emily: hovers the cursor over a video titled “How to Transform Your Girlfriend into a BBC Slut” “I can’t believe I’m doing this. Okay, here goes nothing.”
Emily clicks on the video and reads the 8-step instructions on the screen
Emily: “Step one, persuading your girlfriend to become a BBC slut? What does that even mean? Step two, watching an intro to interracial porn video together? That’s messed up. Step three, getting her to agree to sleeping with a black man? No way, this is insane. Step four, playing with a BBC dildo? That’s disgusting. Step five, watching her kiss a black man to trigger her gaining a taste for BBC? Who would even think to do that? Step six, having her first experience with a black man? This is too much. Step seven, bareback? I really don’t want to know what that means. Step eight, unlimited access to your girlfriend? This is sickening.”
Emily stares at the video in disbelief
Emily: “Oh God, another one? ‘BBC vs Cuck Size Comparison’? Okay, just click it. See what it’s all about.” 
Emily clicks on the video and sees two men side by side, both fully erect.
Emily: “Oh my God. This is a comparison of penis size? One non-black guy and one black guy? Adam can’t seriously be into this, can he?”
On the screen, the black man’s penis dwarfs the non-black man’s.
Emily: “Wow. That’s…big. But why does that matter? Why does Adam care so much about the size of another man’s penis?”
She reads the comments below the video.
Emily: “Ugh. These guys are just talking about how much they wish they were black and how much they want a black man to fuck their girlfriend. This is disgusting. I can’t believe Adam is involved with this kind of community.”
Emily: “Why does it say ‘GOOD’ under BBC and ‘BAD’ under Cuck? This can’t be good.”
As the video plays, she watches as the black man’s penis is repeatedly referred to as “good” and the non-black man’s is mocked and called “bad.”
Emily: “Good and bad? This is so messed up. Why are they making these kinds of distinctions? Why does it even matter?”
She thinks to herself: Why am I watching this? But she can’t seem to look away. It’s like she’s being sucked further and further into this toxic world.
Emily: “I can’t believe I’m seeing this. It’s like they’re trying to make black men out to be superior and other men out to be inferior. And Adam…he’s okay with this? He thinks this is okay?”


Emily: (clicks on the video titled “BBC PMV Rap Music Compilation” and sees scenes of blonde women with black men from the website called Blacked)
Emily: (notices the women’s beauty) “Wow, these women are gorgeous. But why do they have to be with black men? And why are they always calling them ‘BBCs’? This is so objectifying.”
Emily: (watching more intently) “But… color contrast is hot. Wow, she seems to be enjoying…”
Emily: (sees more scenes of women being fucked) “Oh my…She’s getting two cocks at once?”
Emily: shocked “Did I just say word cock? Oh my. What is happening to me”
Emily: (continues to watch, surprised at how turned on she is by the scenes)
Emily: (thinks to herself) “No, no, this can’t be happening. Why am I even watching this? Why am I getting turned on by this?”
Emily: (starts to feel guilty) “Does this mean I’m into this kind of thing too? Does this mean I’m like Adam?”
Emily: (tries to shut off the video, but her curiosity gets the best of her) “No, I need to keep watching. I need to understand what’s going on here.”
Emily: (watches as the women moan and scream in pleasure) “They look like they’re enjoying themselves, but at what cost? Is this really what they want or are they being coerced into it?”
Emily: (feels a pang of jealousy) “Why would Adam want me to share myself with another man? Am I not enough for him? Does he really want to see me with a black man?”
Emily: (keeps watching, unable to look away) “But why is this turning me on? Why am I getting wet from watching these scenes?”
Emily: (starts to question her own desires and beliefs) “Am I a bad person for being turned on by this? Does this mean I’m racist or that I’m not a good feminist?”
Emily: (clicks on the video titled “Why They Say Once You Go Black You Never Go Back” and sees scenes of women with black men from the website called Blacked)
Emily: (notices the women’s pleasure and connection with the men) “Wow, they’re really enjoying themselves, but why am I watching this?”
Emily: (watches more intently) “But…what’s so special about a black man?”
Emily: (sees another scene of a woman with a black man) “Oh my, he’s so big…”
Emily: (shocked) “Did I just say that out loud? Oh no, what’s happening to me?”
Emily: (tries to shut off the video, but her curiosity gets the best of her) “I shouldn’t be watching this, it doesn’t align with my values, but I can’t stop. I need to know more about this.”
Emily: (continues watching, feeling a mix of confusion and curiosity) “Why do these women seem to be so enamored with black men? What makes them so different?”
Emily: (loses track of time) “Oh no, I’ve been watching this for 30 minutes. What am I doing?”"
write how she watches "How to Transform Your Girlfriend into a BBC Slut" again but this time with different tone and more fascination with hotwife comments 