NAME_1 then lifted her left foot onto my face, beside her other foot, and began to wipe her feet on my face. Over and over again, NAME_1 would drag one sweat-soaked foot down my face then step back onto my face and repeat with her other foot. NAME_1 began to hum a song and I tried to recall what song it was as her feet kept wiping and stepping on my face. Every so often, NAME_1 would increase the pressure of each step onto my face, and was soon stamping her foot down after each wipe. The stamping continued to increase and I was seeing stars. And suddenly the stamping stopped. NAME_1 was still humming that song, and she began to twist her feet back and forth on my face. It hurt, but was a welcome relief from the stomping.

After a while, I recognised the song NAME_1 was humming - it was We Are The Champions by Queen. All of a sudden, as NAME_1 twisted her feet again, the toes of her right foot slipped down from my forehead and into my left eye. NAME_1 stopped twisting her feet (and stopped humming) as she looked down at her right foot. NAME_1 looked at her toes in my eye and leaned forward to get a better look, pressing her toes in further and raising her heel to add more weight to that foot.

NAME_1 wiggled her toes in my eye as she asked “Are you OK?”

I answered “Yes. I’m OK.” and was expecting NAME_1 to quickly remove her toes from my eye.

NAME_1 continued wiggling her toes on my eyeball and smiled at me. “Wow! This feels awesome. It’s so squishy.” NAME_1 began to twist her toes into my eye, giggling as she twisted harder and harder.

It felt like my eye was going to pop. “Stop NAME_1. Get off. Get off.”

NAME_1 removed her toes from my eye but stayed standing on my face, most of her weight on her left foot and the toes of her right foot now on my lips.

NAME_1 laughed and said “You did say I could wipe my sweaty feet on your face. My socks are still really damp and I have to go shopping for boots after work. So how do you suggest I dry my socks?”

“Sorry NAME_1. You can wipe your feet on my face, but just try not to step on my eyes. Is that OK?”


“I’ve got an idea” NAME_1 announced, “I need my socks cleaned. They’re sweaty and gross and I need to try boots on in a few hours time. You...are going to clean them for me.” NAME_1 smiled at me. “You have two options to choose from. Option one - you can suck all the sweat out of my socks. I mean they’ve already been in your mouth today, so you may as well! Or Option two - I stand on your eyeballs with my toes until you cry, and your tears can wash my socks.” NAME_1 burst out laughing. 