Dragon Ball Goku version:
My wife? Unkissed.
My Prince? Undefeated by me.
My children? In open relationships.
My diaper? Recently filled.
My name? …

Monster Hunter (Gunlance Player Slander) version:
My shells? Empty.
My pokes? Ineffective.
My hunts? Lengthy.
My teammates? Tripped.
My sharpness? Nonexistent.
My mobility? Limited.
My cart? Imminent.

Monster Hunter Great Sword sociopath version:
My fellow hunters? Disposable.
My target? Gone.
My satisfaction? Beyond measure.
My conscience? Nonexistent.
My Great Sword? My only friend.
My enemies? Beware.
My rampage? Just beginning.