summarize this "The reality is the married man knows his role and so does his
mistress. Some husbands and wives do not know their roles.
FOR A RELATIONSHIP TO LAST INDEFINITELY, YOU
MUST HAVE SPECIFICALLY DEFINED ROLES IN THAT
RELATIONSHIP.
Be brutally honest with your partner to the point of possibly hurting
their feelings or bruising their ego. The pain is usually short-lived,
and will go away soon. The pain of being lied to or mislead last for a
long, long, long time. Trust me on that.
I hear people say, eI believe compromise is the #1 factor that
contributes to a great relationship.f More invalid crap. I am not
compromising my desires for any woman. Instead of compromising,
what you need to do is find someone with the many of the same
interests as yourself. That works better than compromising.
I love chicken wings. I mean, I really, really love chicken wings
(chicken wings are like the food equivalent to crack cocaine for me).
Now, if I met a woman who said, GAlan V I want you to eat chicken
wings ever other Friday, and weBre going to eat fish or lasagna on
the other Fridays,L I would be showing that woman the exit door.
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Ikm going to eat my doggone chicken wings when I want to. Ikm not
changing or modifying my behavior to please, impress or
accommodate any woman. All that does is lead to suppressed
bitterness and resentment towards a woman later on. I see this sort of
scenario play out in long-term relationships all of the time.
Letks break down the Four Modes of Verbal Communicationd in this
manner for long-term relationships:
Mode One attitude: My Romantic Partner and I share a lot of the
same interests, and we tolerate the differences between us.
Mode Two attitude: My Romantic Partner and I sacrifice many of
our interests in order to please each other, and we compromise on our
differences.
Mode Three attitude: I am my partnerks ebitch.f Everything they say
goes. I donkt have a say in the relationship. I just do whatever I am
told. Even if I donkt like it.
Mode Four attitude: I cankt stand the sight of my romantic partner. I
have no idea why I am still with this mutha fu**a. He/She gets on
my last nerve. We havenkt had sex in weeks, if not months.
ALAN ROGER CURRIE
144
What is your romantic relationship? Mode One? Mode Two? Mode
Three? Mode Four? I hope itks not either of the latter two (unless
you are a masochist, then Mode Three works for you).
DON[T COMPROMISE YOUR DESIRES AND INTERESTS
TO ACCOMMODATE OTHERS; INSTEAD, FIND SOMEONE
WHO HAS MANY DESIRES AND INTERESTS WHICH ARE
SIMILAR TO YOURS.
Everyone who has read my book knows how I feel about subjective
criticisms. I think you should allow them to go in one ear and out the
other. They have no place in long-term romantic relationships.
eYou eat too fast!f So.
eYou talk too much!f So.
eYou dress too provocatively!f So.
eYou use too much profanity!f So.
eYou want to have sex too much!f Uhm . . . . . . . so.
Unless a man or woman signed a econtractf of sorts, and they
specifically listed on this mutually agreed upon document that they
would never eat too fast, talk too much, dress too provocatively, use
too much profanity, or express too much interest in sex l then all of
these are subjective criticisms.
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In other words, they are based on your own opinion. When a man
and a woman are in a long-term relationship, it is not their obligation
to live up to your standards. I would never enter into any long-term
relationship in order to live up to a womanks standards and
expectations. I live by my own standards, and I look for women who
happen to enjoy those standards.
No corporation in America could get away with that unless they put it
in writing. You notice how when you get hired for just about any job,
they provide you with an eEmployee Manual?f This is to let you
know what they expect of you. They are communicating to you their
expectations and desired standards for your behavior.
Have you ever had a wife or husband hand you such a document?
The eThis is what I expect of you as my wife / husbandf manual?
eThis is what I expect of you as my girlfriend / boyfriendf manual?
Once someone agrees to behavior on paper, it then becomes
objective. I have no problem with mutually agreed upon objective
criticisms. If I made a vow to be faithful to you, and I break that vow,
you have all the right in the world to harshly criticize me. That is an
objective criticism.
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146
But I made no vow to eat chicken wings only two Fridays per month.
If you tell me, GAlan, you eat chicken wings too much!L Ikm going to
look you in your eyes, smirk, and calmly say, eSo.f
HARSH, SUBJECTIVE CRITICISMS ARE VASTLY
OVERRATED AND FOR THE MOST PART, UNNECESSARY.
ONLY CONCENTRATE ON EXPRESSING OBJECTIVE
CRITICISMS OF YOUR PARTNER[S BEHAVIOR.
It amazes me how many people let themselves go once they feel
secure in a long-term relationship. Can you imagine if you purchased
a nice, shiny, Porsche 911 and then once you signed all of the
contracts and paid your first few car notes, all of the sudden the color
started fading and the finish on your car just looked jacked up?
Why do men and women feel like they can get married and then just
gain forty, fifty or sixty plus pounds? What the hell? Keep your
body in shape. You donkt have to be a serious gym rat, or exercise
like youkre trying to win a beauty pageant or fitness contest, but
ckmon men and women l no wants you gaining weight in the
relationship for no reason.
So you are a woman and you just gave birth to three children in five
years? Okay, you have an excuse for letting yourself go a wee bit.
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147
Even then though, purchase a stationary bicycle or inexpensive
treadmill. You might fool yourself into believing that your partner
loves having sex with you because of your great personality and
intelligence, but the reality is, he loved that nice butt of yours and she
loved your six-pack abs.
AN EMPHASIS ON HEALTH AND FITNESS KEEPS THE
EROTIC SPARKS IN A RELATIONSHIP INDEFINITELY
Okay, thatks about all of the advice I have to offer regarding longterm relationships, and how the Four Modes of Verbal
Communicationd and other factors come into play.
Upfront, straightforward honesty is not something you just practice
until you find Ms. Right. You incorporate that characteristic into
your day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month, year-to-year
behavior.
You can never go wrong with real, raw truth. ePleasant Liesf (which
was going to be the alternative title to this book by the way) will
always do you in eventually. Lies mask the problem; Truth solves the
problem.
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148
Donkt enter into a romantic relationship in order to become happy.
Develop a sense of happiness even before you meet a life-long
romantic companion. Then, once you have developed a boat load of
happiness l share that happiness with whomever you meet.
Peace, Love and Happiness to you all. Mode One Baby . . . make it
happen. "