NAME_1 was performing his morning eliminations over a chamberpot. When he finished, he didn't feel like cleaning himself. He shouts for NAME_2 to enter the privy. When NAME_2 enters the privy, it was then he had a revelation about cleansing  a man after he performs his morning eliminations is a wife's duty. And then NAME_3 turns towards NAME_2 and asks her to perform the task of cleaning the shit off his rearend. as NAME_2 picks up tissue paper, NAME_4 forbids her from using anything else but her hands and her mouth.

Write the above as a dramatic retelling, use crude words where appropriate.