instruction:
In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a short summary for this text. The summary must include a situation which caused humor. The summary should be one or two sentences long.
question:
Text: this is more of an entire life fuckup, that all became apparent in one day.

i remember when i was younger, my dad always told me to wash underneath my foreskin, which was all well and good, but when i actually tried, the head of my penis was so sensitive that even the slightest rub would hurt a ridiculous amount. eventually i gave up, and i just figured everything would magically get better as i went through puberty. i pretty much forgot about this, and my dad assumed i had been washing my penis properly for the last decade.

so, quite recently, i was trying to use a homemade sex toy when i was having trouble getting it in. turns out the socks were too small, but i was reunited with the fact that the head of my penis is ridiculously fucking sensitive.

like all good questions, i looked this up on the internet. i read that i'm supposed to be able to pull my foreskin all the way back over the glans, but this simply isn't possible as my skin is too tight. so my foreskin has just been sitting there, shielding the head of my penis for 17 years, and the nerves are hypersensitive, meaning it'll take a while for them to adjust to regular contact.

i was in the shower a bit later and decided i would try some of these stretching exercises that would allow me to retract my foreskin after a few weeks of stretching. (my phimosis isn't serious, i could always pull about halfway back, but never bothered to risk pulling any further.) anyway, i managed to pull back a bit further than i ever had before and almost threw up at what i saw. 

i remember my friends making jokes about dick cheese, and i just assumed it was semen that they were talking about. turns out i was wrong, and this dick cheese (smegma) was very much a bigger part of me than i thought it was.

to put it into perspective, usually smegma is found as a slimy, white substance underneath the foreskin. my smegma however, was a ring of hard, yellow crust, that had accumulated over the 17 years i haven't been washing my dick properly.

"just wash it off" i hear you say, but that shit is as stuck as canned ham. i need to rub it in order to get the tiniest crumbs off, and that hurts, a lot.

i decided it might be easier if i took a warm bath and just let it soak for a few minutes before trying to get the stuff off. i still couldn't get any off by rubbing because it hurt so much, but i decided to shake around a little bit. tiny, tiny flakes of smegma started coming off and filling the water around me, but this was nowhere near enough to get it all to come off.

my whole life of not cleaning my dick led up to this moment. shaking my crusty dick around in the bathtub.

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i urge anyone who is intact and unaware of smegma accumulation to check their own penis. we should start an awareness campaign or some shit.

if anyone has any advice i would greatly appreciate it.

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**edit**: so it's been an interesting day to say the least.

people at school were reading/talking about this post, their reactions were priceless. a few of them know it was me, but (i think and i hope) they're okay with it.

i just wanted to address a few things:

* i didn't notice any horrific stenches or odours emanating from my nether-regions. i just hope that this isn't because i've become immune to the smell of my own cheesy stick.

* i have never had a sexual partner, and maybe that's a good thing. thank fuck i found it myself, before a lady-friend finds herself picking out bits of dried up skin and bodily secretions stuck between her teeth. that would be a fuckup and a half.

* masturbation was never a problem, the foreskin always moved far enough for this, just never all the way back.

* i won't be posting pictures because i am under 18. sorry, anybody who is here for that (wtf!?!?!?). if you want to see pictures just type 'smegma' into google, results are nsfw/perhaps nsfl.

* i noticed there is a bit of a reddit flame-war about circumcision. personally, i hope i don't need to be circumcised for any reason. however, if you feel like you'd rather not have a foreskin than deal with bodily secretions, then that is up to you.  i will stress that you should not feel pressured into getting the snip unless there is no other way to deal with the problem. it shouldn't be as simple as 'just get it cut' because it is a big decision to make. personally, i don't see any benefit in getting cut if i can properly wash myself.

* i like the idea of a viral 'smegma awareness challenge', but something tells me it just won't stick with the young ones of today.

glad to see that some other people who haven't checked under there read this. attention-seeking aside, one of the main reasons i posted this is to wake up other guys who may be unaware of what is potentially brewing in their fun-factory. i think this is an unfortunately untouched topic in sex education, assumed knowledge that some have never had the chance to learn. "this is a penis, some of you might be uncircumcised but that is fine. always wear a condom" is all i really got out of sex education regarding my dick.

thanks for the support if you gave any, and don't worry, i will take on reddit's advice with skepticism. i don't think i will find myself rubbing nail polish remover all over my knob any time soon!

fingers crossed that i can get this sorted asap. looking forward to finally having a clean tool for the workshop.

take care, and **wash your fucking dicks!**
answer:
haven't washed my penis properly for my whole life. 17 years worth of yellow, crusty dick cheese accumulated under my foreskin.


question:
Text: so i've been working in a lab this summer, which is all well and good, except i'm a student who lacks common sense. so today i was running some genotypes. so in order to genotype, you need to make a gel by mixing a couple chemicals (including a mutagen). this mixture then needs to be heated, poured out, and cooled in order to make the gel set. so i added a cap to mix the different chemicals more thoroughly. while heating up the mixture, i forgot to remove the cap, leading to me putting a bottle with a cap inside a microwave. as i heated it up, the gas expanded, and the glass shattered. the shattered glass then rattled around the microwave while i frantically shut it off. luckily it didn't penetrate the glass door of the microwave. i then had to deal with the shame of other people realizing what i did.
answer:
i forgot to uncap a bottle before microwaving it, and it shattered.


question:
Text: tifu 4 year reddit veteran, first time poster. this happened two summers ago. so by now i have worked at a small town grocery store for two years. i ran that show. a year in, an anytime fitness opened up next to my job. the buildings are attached since it is a little strip mall/shopping center. it's my little grocery store, then a smoke shop, and then the gym. the idea of working out seemed great since i was always overweight. when i signed my 18 month contract i was about 190lbs, 5'10" and 17 years old. it was 95% fat, 5% muscle. i would usually work the closing shift (3-9) and then walk across the parking lot to the gym. now, the last worker always left between 10:30 and 11pm. technically they closed at 10 meaning there just aren't workers there to help you. so after about two months of being there on the same schedule as this guy, we knew it was usually just us two there every weeknight. so one night i get there, walk by his office, go through the regular conversation that neither of us really wants to have, and then i head to the restroom. one of two restrooms. i need to change out of my work clothes so i take off my shoes and jeans and while i'm at it i take off my boxers to air out the kids for a bit.i start taking off my shirt and have both arms inside my shirt but the shirt is still on so it looks like i do not have any arms. my clothes are thrown about the room. suddenly i have to pee. badly. due to a two liter pop drinking contest early in the breakroom i knew not even try to hold it for a second. i really just have to turn my body and i start peeing. i'm roughly 6 feet from the toilet, standing more sideways to the toilet than head on. if someone walked in they would walk into my body, so i wasn't even by the toilet. 

i thought i locked the door.

now asshole gym worker has to walk by the first bathroom with the open door to get to this bathroom with a closed door. dude opens the door all the way and takes half a step in and sees me. i'm ejecting a jet of piss across the room only wearing a shirt that is tucked under my chin. also i saw a fly buzzing around the toilet so i am swinging my hips about to knock that sucker down. this dude sees some chubby naked kid with no arms dancing and peeing and does not say a word. i panic and end up yelling at him "sorry!" he closes the door in a manner that was way to slow. 

i'm still peeing but i get right next to the toilet and drop my shirt so i look sort of normal because i thought for some reason he would come back and tell me i was in trouble. after about 8 minutes i finally leave the bathroom and the place is deserted. it is only 9:15. he left work an hour early and did not stay to workout. i never saw him at nights again and from there on out another worker would check in on me and see how my progress was going.
answer:

Show your work and conclude with the exact phrasing "Therefore, the final answer is [answer]." where [answer] is just the final number or expression that solves the problem.
user
peed naked while dancing at the gym and was caught by a worker. he left early and never saw him again at my night workout sessions.


