instruction:
In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a short summary for this text. The summary must include a situation which caused humor. The summary should be one or two sentences long.
question:
Text: this happened yesterday, but i digress.


there's this really cute little cat that's currently living on our porch. i'm not sure if she's a stray, but we have a shelter set up for her and i give her food. (before you ask why i haven't taken her inside : i'm living my husband and inlaws, and my mother-in-law is very allergic.)

anyway, so i come home from work yesterday morning, and feed her. she eats quickly and comes up for snuggles and rubs, per usual. we're having fun and she's purring when suddenly she lashes out and bites my hand!

now i don't think much of it at first, i just tell her that wasn't very nice, and give her some space. as i glance down at it however, i realize my hand is starting to steadily drip blood and the wounds look pretty deep. 

so i run inside and wash it off, grab a towel, put pressure on the wound, and hold it over my head. i call telehealth and they tell me to go to the er.

i head to the hospital, where they give me antibiotics and send me home. i then get a call from the health department telling me to either get post-exposure rabies treatment, or wait 10 days and see if the cat is still alive.

so i'm heading to the doctors office today to see about treatment. i have a few cold-like symptoms, but i'm not certain if they're related.

 

edit: well it turns out the walk-in clinic i usually go to isn't taking patients today. they're closed on sundays too. i called the lady at the health department and left a message. perhaps i'll have to go back to the hospital to receive my treatment. 

also my husband sustained a couple scratches and a bite the day before yesterday, but they're pretty shallow and superficial. i'll probably go with him and have him get the same treatment.
answer:
: i got bitten by a cat i look after, and may have rabies.


question:
Text: dental floss was upstairs and i had chicken stuck in my front teeth. fingers aren't working and i'm too lazy to go upstairs. i pull out my letherman, choose one of the flat screwdrivers [at the bottom left](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/i/71mdnd%2bg1ol._sy355_.jpg)and assume my gums are tough enough. i ended up poking too hard as i couldn't get in.

doesn't hurt badly after a week, i assume its alright but more days pass and it starts to hurt, so i use hot water and montreal steak spice because i do not have salt. use it the next couple days and salt when i'm at work. i don't know if i burnt my mouth as well but my gums become inflammed rapidly over the next 2 days and i can see blood spots along with grey (gingevites look). i call my dentist and closest time i can get in is this monday.
went to doctors yesterday. felt like an idiot as they come and say 'so you flossed with a fork?'. screw driver sounded much worse. 
penecilin and meal replacements until i see the dentist on monday. i hope someone learns from this but i think crackheads even know not to do this.
answer:
laziness causes me to use the screwdriver on my leather man to get a piece of food out of my teeth, proceed to get gum infection.


question:
Text: so i live in austin texas, and go to a small catholic private school. i am doing my  best to finish my last year of high school, but i have been unlucky for the beginning of the first month of school so far.

very recently in texas, in el paso to be exact, a [police woman drowned](http://www.elpasotimes.com/allaccess/ci_26584375/police-identify-woman-who-drowned-car-northeast-el) in a storm-water canal. this morning was the funeral procession (oblivious to me).

i wake up at pretty early in the mornings to go to cross country practice, and prior to leaving, i pack my gym back. being totally out of it in the mornings, it is pretty usual for me to forget some necessary item. this morning i forgot to pack my belt for my dress pants. it shouldn't be such a big deal but my dress pants are kind of loose around the waist and so they fall down without a belt. 

i got done with my run around 7:30am and after taking a shower and getting dressed (finishing around 7:50ish), i then realized that i forgot my belt and since the first bell was going to ring in about 25 minutes, i decided i could make it back home to get my belt and be back in time for school.

so with that logic, i left the school campus and drove about 10 miles back to my house. nothing out of the ordinary happened (besides the few asshat drivers you usually find in the morning commute). i got home in about 10 minutes. i rushed inside my house, grabbed my belt, and ran back to my car.

i got to the intersection by my house and noticed quite a few cop cars on the highway. as soon as i was about to turn, a cop on a motorcycle stopped in front of me and signaled for me to wait. about 5 minutes passed and nothing happened so i got kind of impatient. so, being the king of asshat drivers, i went anyway. i got a **very** dirty look but the cop did not follow me (which i have to admit, puzzled me). it was then that i saw the procession of polices vehicles; cars and bikes alike, rolling down the road in front of a hearse and two limos. that's when i knew what happened, and when i knew that i done fucked up. 

i was perfectly fine, at that point, with the funeral procession blocking my path, but unfortunately got to school about 45 minutes late. so now i have to take a fucking english test after school xd serves me right


 

**edit:** who knew they would have the procession in austin?

**edit** actually it happened in [cedar park](http://www.statesman.com/news/news/deputy-jessica-hollis-cleared-to-go-home-at-emotio/nhtdc/)
answer:

Show your work and conclude with the exact phrasing "Therefore, the final answer is [answer]." where [answer] is just the final number or expression that solves the problem.
user
*sometimes it's just better to have saggy pants than to try and get past a funeral procession for a dead police woman* ;)


