tokens: ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS We thank the anonymous referee for their useful comments, and we are grateful to Stefania Marassi and Luca Graziani for their suggestions. MCA and MM acknowledge financial support from the Austrian National Science Foundation through FWF standalone grant P31154-N27 ‘Unraveling merging neutron stars and black hole–neutron star binaries with population synthesis simulations’. MM acknowledges financial support by the European Research Council for the ERC Consolidator grant DEMOBLACK, under contract no. 770017. MS acknowledges funding from the European Union’s Horizon 2020 research and innovation programme under the Marie-Sklodowska-Curie grant agreement No. 794393. We acknowledge the Virgo Consortium for making their simulation data available. The eagle simulations were performed using the DiRAC-2 facility at Durham, managed by the ICC, and the PRACE facility Curie based in France at TGCC, CEA, Bruyères-le-Châtel.
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