It might not sound very romantic. But ditching the idea that we should we should marry for life could help many of us have happier relationships, according to a marriage therapist. A fixed-term Starter Marriage, in which couples sign a renewable contract - known as a 'wedlease'- would work better for many couples, argues Susan Pease Gadoua. A relationship expert has suggested that a renewable marriage contract known as a 'wedlease' would work better for many modern day couples and avoid increasing divorces . In her new book, The New I Do, which was co-written with Vicki Larson, she claims that the traditional marriage model in our modern-day culture 'sets up too many people for failure'. So, instead of promising 'til death do us part', couples in a Starter Marriage agree to be together for 'two, three, four or more years – whatever works for you and your partner'. At the end of the stated contract period, the couple decide whether they want to go their separate ways, or continue with the marriage, at which point they should draw up a revised contract. 'A Starter Marriage is a short-term contract for couples to 'try on' the institution to see if it fits – without bringing children into the mix – before jumping into a life-long contract,' Mrs Pease Gadoua said. 'We have learner's permits for driving, we have internships before starting careers and we have probationary or modifiable contracts in many other business negotiations, yet the greatest and most in-depth legal contract that most of us will ever enter requires that you commit to one person forever with precious little information about what it will entail.' Relationship counsellor Susan Pease Gadoua says that traditional weddings set people up for failure . The Starter Marriage can be an improvement on the traditional marital model because 'each spouse will need to be paying closer attention to his or her actions and stick to what was agreed to, lest his or her partner decides not to renew a few years down the road', the 53 year old claims. And if the couple do decide to part, the separation should be more amicable than other divorces might be and reduce the odds of individuals feeling like they have 'failed', she adds. 'Because a Starter Marriage by its nature avoids the drama that typically goes along with a marital dissolution, you and your former spouse will more likely be able to sit down and compare notes about what worked and what didn't.' If the couple stay together, the new contract could be amended to fit another of the specific marital models that Mrs Pease Gadoua advocates. For example, if they want children, they could sign a 'Parenting Marriage' contract (couples should remain childless while in a Starter Marriage 'because it's a bad idea to 'try on' marriage with young lives in the balance'), with new rules and goals. Or if monogamy proved a challenge during the Starter Marriage, an Open Marriage contract 'might be an attractive option', she said. But Mrs Pease Gadoua, who got married at the age of 43, stresses that the Starter Marriage is not about just marrying anyone for the sake of being married, and it doesn't mean that you should marry in the hope of it ending by a certain time – 'you're just not going to vow 'until death do us part',' she said. Susan's book The New 'I do' explores alternatives to the traditional nuptials . And, the American claims, despite its temporary nature, a Starter Marriage is not the same as cohabiting. Not only does marriage give you more legal and financial protection, couples often have different expectations while living together, and roles can be confused. She also claims friends, families, and society view cohabiters differently, with fewer people regarding them as a family unit when unmarried. Couples can also slide into living together with completely different expectations, she warns. One of the pair may see it as a way of saving on living expenses while the other assumes it's a stepping stone to marriage. A Starter Marriage can 'help couples align expectations, create a plan of what each partner will contribute to the marriage, clarify goals and strategize what will happen if one or both don't want to renew the contract,' she said. A typical contract would cover areas such as finances, sex (amount, and views on monogamy), career priorities, and even how free time should be spent (with specific rules about visiting in-laws). 'If you want to explore what being married is like, living together won't really give you the answer,' she said. 'Having a Starter Marriage with a contract, however, will. 'And it will make you smarter and more prepared for either the renewal of your marital contract or a new marriage with a new partner.' She does admit however, that limited term marriages will be unthinkable for many. 'Marriage should be considered 'successful' by what it has accomplished, not by how long it lasts,' she said. 'If people are going to continue to see marriage that way, then, yes – a renewable contract is going to create quite a bit of angst for many of them.' But Harry Benson, research director at Marriage Foundation, the think-tank which champions marriage, said the idea of a Starter Marriage 'undermines commitment' and reduces it to a 'business contract'. 'The basic premise of commitment is to make a plan for an indefinite future together,' he said. 'Anything less than that is a business contract. 'Without such a clear view of the future, there is no need to sacrifice, to forgive, to prioritise one another, all of which are fundamental characteristics of a successful relationship. 'Most importantly, commitment is about giving up other choices. If I choose you, I have stopped choosing others. 'That unconditional choice sends a signal that provides clarity, intent, and removes ambiguity. 'Setting a time limit utterly undermines commitment and sabotages it from the very beginning. 'All relationships are difficult because all of us are different. 'Even if a little over a third of marriages fail, most last for life. Success stories outside of marriage are the exception. 'The idea of a starter marriage might hold superficial appeal. But it is ultimately doomed to failure because it runs contrary to human nature. 'Everyone wants reliable love. Limited term contracts aren't the way to do it.' Divorces are most likely to occur between the fourth and eight wedding anniversary, with half of all divorces happening in the first 10 years of marriage, according to the Office for National Statistics. If you don't fancy a Starter Marriage, here are some of Mrs Pease Gadoua's other alternatives… . Parenting Marriage: Main aim is to provide a loving, stable home for children. Couple do not have to be in love. Time-limited, in that the couple agree to stay together for a specific period, e.g. until the youngest child has reached 18, or graduated from university. May feel that you have settled, and disappointed about missing out on a passionate, romantic relationship. Living Alone Together Marriage: Offers 'healthy balance between personal fulfilment and intimacy', with each spouse free to pursue own goals and passions. Good for the strongly career-driven or those with children from previous relationship as you don't have the complications of blending a family. May feel lonely or suspicious, and it can be an expensive arrangement. Safety Marriage: Marrying for financial security and a desire to live a lifestyle you are accustomed to, or aspire to. One spouse is financially secure and the other has something else to bring to the table like sex, or an ability to caretake. Might create a power imbalance, and you might face judgment from others. Open Marriage: Get to sleep with other people while maintaining an intimate relationship. If differing sex drives, can both feel satisfied. May feel jealous or shameful and insecure. Partner may become emotionally attached to someone else.
Susan Pease Gadoua says traditional marriages set couples up to fail . She suggests a fixed-term starter marriage of up to a four year contract . At the end the couple decide whether to renew their contract .