As Gwyneth Paltrow files for divorce from  Chris Martin, the couple whose split made them 'closer than they ever have been' are still confounding their critics by playing nicely. Even if you thought their 'conscious uncoupling' was a load of Goop from Gwyneth, it was a refreshing change from the vicious slanging matches other celebrities engage in after a split. There are lessons to be learnt from the couple on how to split amicably - and how to stay friends with an ex. Scroll down for video . Tracey Cox says that Gwyneth and Chris' amicable split is refreshing and something we can learn from . HOW THE COUPLE GOT IT RIGHT: . Put your kids needs first . Gwyneth and Chris are sharing equal custody of their two children and always maintained their first and foremost priority is to make Apple and Moses happy. No matter how acrimonious the split or how little you now have in common, if you have children together you will always have one shared goal: to bring your children up to be happy, functional adults. The more you both focus on that and think of what's best for the children, the more chance you have of forging a geniune friendship. If you're friendly enough to have 'family dates' where you all go out together now and then, do it. But only if you're both relaxed in each other's company. The point is to let the children see there are no hard feelings and that you both have their best interests at heart. If you spend the whole time sniping at each other with pasted, fake smiles, there is no point. Don't criticise their new partner . Gwyneth openly praised Jennifer Lawrence when he dated Chris and he's said to be supportive of her dating choices. Nothing looks more dignified or signals you really are moving on than giving your ex's new love the thumbs up. It instantly scores points with the new person in their life, making them feel less threatened and less likely to want to sabotage, and paints both of you in a good light. If you applaud their current choice in partner, you're effectively saying they had good taste in the past (when they chose you!). Focus on what you liked about your ex at the start, not what drove you apart at the end . Sure, Gwyneth posting a sweet picture of her and Chris in a field with a heartfelt explanation of why they were separating, did provoke a 'Seriously?' reaction. But the sentiment behind it sent a very clear signal: don't expect us to be bagging each other. 'Normal' couples can do the same by letting mutual friends and family know that there is no reason to take sides because you aren't interested in bad-mouthing each other. You might not want to swap 'parting gifts', like Chris and Gwyneth are rumoured to have, but a card expressing disappointment that it didn't work and wishing them well for the future is a nice gesture, if you really do mean it. Talk face to face or on the phone to sort out anything tricky . Chris and Gwyneth regularly talk on the phone to make sure wires don't get crossed. Communicating by text or through social media is fine once you've established a friendship but if you're both still raw and hurting, it's easy to read things into innocent comments. Tracey says that although Gwyneth and Chris' split is admirable there are some aspects you should steer clear of . You can pick up a lot from someone's voice; even better when they're in front of you and you can read their body language. DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME: . You do need a separation period . Chris and Gwyneth were pictured together frequently from the moment the split was announced. But most couples need a period where they separate without too much contact to break the 'we' habit and become two 'me's'. If you're too close, you'll end up being one of those couples who live apart but remain co-dependent, relying on each other for everything they used to. This is fine if you both aren't interested in meeting new partners, but few people feel comfortable intruding on this sort of situation. Don't give your children (or your ex) false hope . Chris and Gwyneth's separation has been so fairytale, the media was predicting a reconciliation practically every week. The same can happen to you. If there's too much tenderness and affection, everyone around you that has a vested interest in you reconciling is given hope. It's also not uncommon for exes who are now being nice to each other, to suddenly remember what it was they fell for in the first place and want to try again. If you're open to that, by all means go for the Chris/Gwyneth style of separating but if you know you'll only ever want to be friends, spell that out. Get the financial settlements out the way first . Gwyneth and Chris are both worth roughly the same (£100m each), so have sensibly decided to split their fortune straight down the middle. Most couples don't earn the same amount (let's not even go there on how much less we're all worth) so do experience friction over finances during the negotiation period. Your friendship has more chance of working if you're polite and fair while you're getting the messy stuff out of the way and attempt more frequent contact once it's sorted. DON'T ATTEMPT BEING FRIENDS AT ALL IF: . The break-up wasn't mutual and you have a hidden agenda . If you're utterly heartbroken, being friends will be painful and pointless. Doing it so you can keep tabs on what they're up to also isn't the best idea you've had. It increases jealousy, upset and anxiety over the break rather than relieves it. You weren't even great friends when you were together . If you spent your entire relationship ripping each other apart why on earth would you want to stay in contact? They're your back-up person . If you were the one to initiate the split but aren't sure you've done the right thing, staying friends is keeping them on the back burner. If you decide you can't get any better, you can get back together, right? Not only isn't this fair to your ex, it's not fair to you either. Leaving the door half-open means everyone new you meet gets compared to them. But exes are exes for a reason - they didn't suit you. If you weren't right together, wipe the slate clean and move on and you'll be more open to meeting a new type of person who will make you happy long-term. For more of Tracey's views on sex and relationships, visit traceycox.com .
Gwyneth Paltrow filed for divorce from Chris Martin a year after splitting . Our sexpert says there's much to applaud in their civilised separation . But says aspects of their 'conscious uncoupling' should be avoided .