Most people probably wouldn't write what I'm about to write about myself or even tell people, especially people they don't even know the things you're about to find out about me, but I'm in one of those moods where I just want everything to work out and the only thing I can think to do is live my life honest and do the right thing. And if going on facebook and spilling my heart out to anyone that reads this is going to make me feel better about myself, then that's exactly what I'm gonna do. So here it is...hope You're ready for it. I was born in Taunton, Massachusetts. I lived with just my mom until I was 5 when my step-father came into our lives. We moved from a small apartment in Cranston to an apartment in providence, then moved to Warwick, RI. They got married and everything was actually almost normal. My little sister was born and a year and a half later my little brother.  Saying I was a "handful" or a trouble-maker can't even come close to describing how I was. I was very impulsive and didn't make the best of decisions.This has been a problem throughout my entire life. But anyway, we all moved to a bigger house in north providence because it was getting a little crowded and now I was 6 or 7 years old. My family has lots of issues going back a few generations that had a a pretty good effect on what happens next..long story short my grandfather wasn't a very good influence on me and taught me the birds and the bees a little too early.  shit happened in kindergarten and I ended up going to Bradley hospital at 7 years old where I spent the next year and 8 months miserable, lonely and crying every night because I just wanted to go home. It hardened me up and I started losing feelings for mostly my mother and also the rest of my family. After going back home I was there for about a week and accusations were made and I ended up in a group home in Middletown for a few months, then one in Newport, then to another place called St. Mary's where I stayed until I was 12 years old. My mom and step-father got a divorce while i was in the first group home and i used to think it was my fault. My grandmother adopted me and I went to live with her in Burrillville, RI. I had no social skills and really didn't know how to act around people because I was basically kept locked in a building with dysfunctional children for a lot of my most important years of development as a child. I didn't fit in in middle school and to be honest I was a little creep. I would go into people's house without asking when they weren't home to let their cats in...i Just didn't know better. It was like I still had the mindset of a 7 year old. But I've always been very, very book smart. I can figure just about any logical problem out I just didn't have social skill. I was picked on in middle school a lot. My grandmother bought me clothes from salvation army and I didn't match. I was small and wore glasses. I was a mess, and I didn't even know it. I couldn't understand what was so wrong with me, so different. I started doing two things. Rebelling against the people who'd been so cold to me, and at the same time trying to "buy" my friends. That obviously didn't get me anywhere I wanted to be but I did it for a long time. I started getting into trouble and doing anything just to fit in. I just wanted to be a normal kid. I was spray painting and throwing rocks at cars, breaking and stealing things from people, and just being an all-around juvenile delinquent. Parents didn't want me around their kids and the police started paying close attention to me. They called me the "Ring Leader" because almost every time something happened around Burrillville, RI, it was most likely me. I corrupted even the nicest most goody goody kids my age and I could care less about anyone's feelings. After all...i Felt the world owed me after the shitty life I had. I expected everything handed to me on a silver platter. I thought that life was supposed to be fair and that everyone was against Devin.Hurt them before they hurt you. Take before being taken from. Well all this lasted for a while. I got caught spray-painting inappropriate things on people's property, Breaking into houses. And even Stealing money from churches. I thought I was a bad-ass and I thought everyone loved me for it. Sure I had more people wanting to chill with me but only because they wanted things from me, or wanted me to take the fall for them. Or maybe their crazy lives just connected with mine, who knows..It doesn't really matter anyway. I went to the training school for the first time when I was 13 or 14 years old. It was around this time I started drinking and smoking weed mildly.  I got out a week later on home confinement and probation. I tried to sneak out of my house once on home confinement and someone called the cops on me, and all I did was leave the yard. Right then I realized shit was serious. People are actually WATCHING me. But who? I never found out. I spent a long time on home confinement and went to court and was taken off. After a week I was in trouble again. It was back to the training school for me. This time it was no home confinement. I went to Camp-e-hung-tee for 9 months. I was able to go home one weekend every three to five weeks. I thought Burrillville was in the middle of nowhere, but I was in for a rude awakening when I went there. It's literally in the middle or the Exeter woods. Not too many kids have run from there and made it. I was constantly with people, never alone. Not even in the shower or ad bed time. All guys, and constant stress and problems. If someone did something wrong, everyone suffered for it. I wanted to kill myself, multiple times but couldn't find the courage to do it. I had one person at home who I really cared about yet I constantly hurt her and took advantage of. But I did it all for her. I used her as a crutch to get through it because I couldn't do it for myself. I didn't understand yet that life had so much more to offer me. I finally got out of camp-e-hung-tee and went back home to my grandmothers in Burrillville. I was such a changed kid. I said yes mam, no mam to my grandmother and everything. Well that didn't last long. I quickly slipped back into my old ways only this time I had plenty of help. I still thought the world owed me fun, and lots of it. I went all out. Started smoking weed every day all day, drinking heavy liquor, lying to everyone about everything. And the scary thing was that I liked it for a while. Addiction really is a disease because it spread and progressed. eventually I was taking pills from people without even bothering to ask what they were. I was trying new things. All the while saying to myself...oh This is no big deal...ill Do this...but At least I'm not doing THIS OR THAT...plus These kids are fine...nothings Wrong with THEM so I can do it too. Well the kids I hung out with are still doing the same fucking thing they were doing then. I started stealing again...i Was becoming reckless. I was robbing alcohol from my church and driving around without a license, registration, or insurance..DRUNK with carloads of people...even people in the trunk. We're lucky to be alive. I took all my emotions out on the people who cared about me the most and trusted the ones who stole from me and pretended to like me because of what I did for them. One day I went to my high school really drunk and high and came out with a backpack full of things that didn't belong to me. And me wanting to be cool, BRAGGED about it...to Tons of people...the People whom could care less if I got caught and probably told on me themselves. The next day I tried to bring it all back realizing it wasn't worth going to jail over but that just wasn't happening...the School was locked down. So I brought it home and two weeks later the police come and make me a deal. They let me stay home until my next court date if I hand it all over or they rip my grandmothers house apart and take me then..I was ON THE LAPTOP that I stole when they came, and I really didn't want to go to jail. So I gave them everything and they went on their way. The next week and a half I spent drinking heavily and partying it up knowing I was done for. I thought about running away but I knew it wasn't going to make things any better. I spent a couple nights in the hospital because I OD'd on alcohol and even tried to check myself into rehab in order to manipulate my way out of going to training school. Well it didn't work. I went to training school and spent 11 months there. IT WAS THE BEST, MOST MEANINGFUL TIME OF MY LIFE. Most people wouldn't say anything close to what I just said, but I spent my time there improving myself in every way possible. I was sick of living a shitty life. I was done with the drugs and the alcohol and I just wanted to be happy. I didn't pay attention to the time and it went by faster. There was a point where I didn't even want to leave. I never understood how someone could be institutionalized or actually like jail, until I spent a few months in there. There are a lot of staff members and people there that actually care about the youth of this country. They gave me the opportunity to really find myself. A lot of time with nothing to do really makes you think hard about your life and the way you've been living it. There was no escaping myself then...no Covering up my true feelings...no Way to make excuses for my actions. I was forced to see what I had done and the people that I had hurt. And it sickened me. There was a point where I couldn't take it anymore and this time I attempted to commit suicide, but thankfully someone opened my door. After that things really started getting better. I, as well as everyone else saw a change in me. Every day I forced myself to monitor the way that I looked at the world around me. I analyzed each and every one of my thoughts and questioned why I was thinking them. I forced new ways of thinking into my mind and started to become genuinely happy. I worked on getting along with my peers and staying away from the people that reminded me of the negative peers I had at home. I wasn't going to fake for anyone. I was gonna be myself, whether people liked it or not, but all the while I was still changing who I was as a person. I realized that life ISN'T fair, and it was never meant to be. I realize I'm not owed anything. I worked on being honest with myself and others, which was very difficult because I was at the point where I was naturally lying about everything and even believing my own bullshit. I started taking full responsibility for EVERYTHING that I did, bad and good. And nothing made me feel better than helping the people around me. I started to really study and learn from everyone and everything around me. I wanted to be successful and become the best person I could be. In order to eliminate the chance of me getting in trouble at my high school, I dropped out and immediately got my GED. Then I enrolled in all the CCRI classes they offered me there. I joined in youth groups and sang and gave a speech in front of 150 of the most influential men and women in the state of Rhode island. I felt like I had it all...that Everything was going great for me...and It was. I even made "The Guidelines for Living" which is posted in my notes here on facebook and followed it every day to a T...always Had it in my pocket. I got a job working in the kitchen and started writing music and...most Surprisingly...reading Books...which Is something I never would of dreamed of doing at home. Well after 11 months in the training school I felt I was ready to go home, but still had quite a bit of family problems to work out first, so I asked to go to another program and they allowed it. I went to the phoenix house in Pascoag, RI. I spent a little over 4 months there. By the time I got there I had already mad emy way down the road to recovery and felt I didn't really need to be there..They felt the same way because they were trying to get me to go home from the day I got there...but I still had things that needed to be done at home. I was set on going back to live with my mother and siblings and have a normal life. Eventually it worked out and now I'm here writing this. I now can be happy being who I am, not someone people want me to be. I am sober and will remain that way. I am in the process of trying to get a job and I'm 18 now. I'll be on probation till September 20, the day before my 19th birthday and I'm trying desperately to find caring, positive, sober friends to spend time with with not much luck. I want to be a private investigator and a Psychotherapist and I've been studying psychology and hypnosis (which really interests me) since I was 14. I love to find out people's personality types for some reason. I am warm, charismatic, fun, loving, and funny, smart, honest, trustworthy, and will usually give more than receive. I strive to be the best that I can be and I think you're crazy if you actually read all this, but at the same time...you'll Be a person I'll talk to because it shows that you care at some level. Thanks for reading and feel free to message me :)
Smithfield, RI