No need for an introduction Im not gonna sweet this up, im not gonna add a sugar coating to my life, saying Im more important than I really am, cuz thats impossible 
no where on earth can you find a man more awesomely-amazingly badass, intelligent, charming, illiterate, and humble as me
. I'm known as The Master of Puppets, The Pastor of Muppets, The Rider of Lightning, The Prisoner, The New Angel of Death, The Harvester of Sorrow, The Farmer of Sadness, The Grower of Displeasurement, The Gardener of Unhappiness, The Ghost Host, The Last in Line, The Phantom Lord, The Turbo Lover, The Sunset Superman, The Evil Dreamer, The Weapon of Choice, The Trendkiller, The Man on the Edge, The Wild One, The Holy Diver, The Cowboy From Hell, The Stranger in a Strange Land, The Mercenary, The Better Metal Snake, The Cyborg Slayer, The Painkiller, The Face Fister, The Red Priest, The Brewer in the Air, The Bloodrocuter, The Rainbow in the Dark, The Thunderhorse, The Disciple of Hell, The Lost Viking, The Speed Metal Messiah, The Fallen Angel, The Silent Screamer, The Ghost of War, The Man on the Silver Mountain, The Ace of Spades, The Overkiller, The Highway Star, The Endgame, The Creeping Death, The Radical, The Tornado of Souls, The Blade Flasher, The Frayed End of Sanity, The Hellion/Electric Eye, The Other Man with No Name, you get the point... 
I've had several jobs over the last few years and you may have heard of me from any of the following:MMA-preschool fighting, backyard bear wrestling, MLK impersonator, the Tonight Show with Jay Leno/Conan O'Brien/the ghost of Orson Welles, executive producer of Forrest Gump 2: Lieutenant Dan's Revenge, professional bulldozer, political legislature, hostage negotiation, gift-wrapper, EXTREME POETRY!!!, professional sun-starer, and the world-record for blinking my left eye 19 million consecutive times in a row in under a minute.
As you can see i have a lot on my plate right now, but I'm still hungry for seconds maybe even breadsticks, and after that I want ice cream... in a cone... with sprinkles... And a bunch of Vietnamese people... on fire... Awesome.
Larry King raves that I say a lot of raunchy, alarming and even sexually arousing statements that you may or may not be offended by me saying so and if you want me to stop well too bad, you couldn't stop me from forcing flamingos to fly by shoving them off the roof of the Empire state building in hopes that they read and understood the book on the physics of flight and lift that I violently threw at them, what makes you think you can stop me from speaking my convoluted and even twisted mind? But, hey, look on the bright side, Even if you don't agree with my contrasting point-of-views, at least you'll have the solemn comfort of knowing your differing opinions are wrong. Think about that...
I like to live my life with 2 personal commandments:1) DON'T BE A DICK 2) DON'T BE A PUSSY- Follow those two rules in life and you're good.