Fifth grade assignment  The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:  Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at  the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one  by one began to tell their stories.
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of  egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to  market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when  we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying  and broke and made a mess."
"And what's the moral of  the story?"
Asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs  in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
"Now, Lucy?"
"Our family are farmers too.
But we raise chickens for  the meat market.
We had a dozen eggs one time, but when  they hatched we only got ten live chicks.
And the moral  to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're  hatched."
"That was a fine story Lucy."
"Johnny do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Bob.
Uncle Bob was a pilot in Vietnam and his plane got hit.
He  had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a  bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete.
He drank the  whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he  landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
He killed  seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of  bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the  blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral  did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Don't fuck with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."

Every day needs a little dose of levity...
