 Ladies and gentlemen, this is the main event! Good evening everybody! If they gave you any of those hologram cameras, you can point them at me and see if they'll tell you who I am. I hope you got the goodie bags. There should be an energy drink right next to the doobie in the bag. This group is not a plant. They're out of their goddamn mind. We make it so complicated. That is a complete crock of bullshit. Why don't AT&T and Verizon offer unlimited data plans? A. They can't. B. They're greedy bastards. See these maps? We keep seeing these maps. Are you sick and tired of these maps? It's so much faster than even the laboratory promises of whenever the hell Sprint finishes the Spark network. We are absolutely kicking their ass on both fronts. I'm absolutely out of my mind. $6 billion that creates this cacophony of the biggest bullshit in history. Maps and charts and promises and happy families running through the goddamn store. What the fuck do I care about all that? Every time we do something, people don't tell me, hey that's a great idea. These high and mighty duopolists that are raping you for every penny you have, if they could do something nice for you, they would. The hackers hate you. I promised myself I wasn't going to be angry today, so I'm going to be happy. The last time I had a seven night stand was approximately never. I don't give a crap if you like Spotify, Rapsody, Pandora, iHeartRadio, iTunes Radio, Slacker, Beatport, Milk. I don't care. You're going to use beats. Every goddamn note you listen to, including the ads, we're going to charge you for. And that guy that sings Happy That Makes Me Sick is going to come in and you're going to listen to him for hours until you stab somebody. Why? Because we can. I have two quick answers. I don't give a shit and I'll celebrate. Everything we do is forever. We will not stop. I can go out to the bar with my best friend, me. I can order another round for both of us. I think I've made my comments clear about the young guy in the AT&T family that was searching porn. We're not trying to make money on this. How many of you right now here use other than T-Mobile? Are the rest of you stupid? The biggest question I usually get in these events, we usually end with, which is, is that it? What I'd like to do is answer the question by telling you, yes. There's so many things that I could say, Roger. So many. You going to stay for the concert tonight? Perfect. Perfect. Us old guys got to stick together.
 Ladies and gentlemen, this is the main event!
 Good evening everybody!
 If they gave you any of those hologram cameras, you can point them at me and see if they'll tell you who I am.
 I hope you got the goodie bags.
 There should be an energy drink right next to the doobie in the bag.
 This group is not a plant. They're out of their goddamn mind.
 We make it so complicated.
 That is a complete crock of bullshit.
 Why don't AT&T and Verizon offer unlimited data plans?
 A. They can't.
 B. They're greedy bastards.
 See these maps? We keep seeing these maps.
 Are you sick and tired of these maps?
 It's so much faster than even the laboratory promises of whenever the hell Sprint finishes the Spark network.
 We are absolutely kicking their ass on both fronts.
 I'm absolutely out of my mind. $6 billion that creates this cacophony of the biggest bullshit in history.
 Maps and charts and promises and happy families running through the goddamn store.
 What the fuck do I care about all that?
 Every time we do something, people don't tell me, hey that's a great idea.
 These high and mighty duopolists that are raping you for every penny you have, if they could do something nice for you, they would.
 The hackers hate you. I promised myself I wasn't going to be angry today, so I'm going to be happy.
 The last time I had a seven night stand was approximately never.
 I don't give a crap if you like Spotify, Rapsody, Pandora, iHeartRadio, iTunes Radio, Slacker, Beatport, Milk.
 I don't care. You're going to use beats.
 Every goddamn note you listen to, including the ads, we're going to charge you for.
 And that guy that sings Happy That Makes Me Sick is going to come in and you're going to listen to him for hours until you stab somebody.
 Why? Because we can.
 I have two quick answers. I don't give a shit and I'll celebrate.
 Everything we do is forever. We will not stop.
 I can go out to the bar with my best friend, me. I can order another round for both of us.
 I think I've made my comments clear about the young guy in the AT&T family that was searching porn.
 We're not trying to make money on this.
 How many of you right now here use other than T-Mobile?
 Are the rest of you stupid?
 The biggest question I usually get in these events, we usually end with, which is, is that it?
 What I'd like to do is answer the question by telling you, yes.
 There's so many things that I could say, Roger. So many.
 You going to stay for the concert tonight?
 Perfect. Perfect.
 Us old guys got to stick together.